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ENTERTAINMENT FOR MEN ~ E G JULY 1978 » $2.00

NEIMAN PANTS \ 7 TV'S
EIVIS PRESLEY! 7 ee '

YOUR OWN P | NANCYADREW
TEAR-OUT POSTER __ APED

CARL SAGAN ON
PARANORMAL JUNK

SEX EXPERT ~
MASTERS ON
FIRST-NIGHT
DISASTERS

The Boodles martini.
Its more than expensive.

If you expect the Boodles martini to be more than expensive, you won't
be disappointed. Because Boodles is the ultra-refined British gin
that only the world's costliest methods could produce. And itis
imported in glass from England for you. The individual who will
appreciate the Boodles martini. An experience well worth its price.

Boodles. The worlds costliest British gin.

94.4 Proof. 100% Grain Neutral Spirits. Imported by General Wine & Spirits Co., N.Y., N.Y. 10022

CIVILIZED
FOURWHEELDRIVE.

Subaru has brought 4 wheel drive in
from the woods.

Instead of featuring a bulky body,
awkward handling and a cumbersome price,
Subaru 4 wheel drive vehicles are truly pas-
senger cars. In looks, comfort and economy.

So, when you buy one of our 4 wheel
drive vehicles you don't have to compro-
mise by driving a beast of burden.

AFIRST FOR THE FAMILY CAR:
FOUR WHEEL DRIVE.

For the low price of $4,889 (In Calif.,
it's $5,067.) you get the first passenger
wagon with full time front wheel drive,
that becomes 4 wheel drive at the flick of
a lever inside the car. And standard features
like power assist front disc brakes, all
purpose radial tires, rear window washer
and wiper and AM push button radio.

The 4 Wheel Drive Wagon also delivers
gas mileage other 4 wheel vehicles can't
reach, 36 highway and 26 city miles on a
gallon of lower cost regular. (In Calif., it's
29 highway and 20 city mpg.)**

Which means you can climb the steepest i

hills in our 4 Wheel Drive Wagon, without
paying a steep price.

THE SUBARU BRAT. FUN ON WHEELS.

The Brat has the same unique front

—

wheel/4 wheel drive capability of our
4 Wheel Drive Wagon.

And if you enjoy the wide open spaces,
you'll really like the Brat's open back, com-
plete with carpeting and two fresh air, bucket
seats with seat belts. Because now the sky’s
the limit to the fun you can have in a car.

ACIVILIZED PRICE.

For just $4,589 (In Calif., it’s $4,767.)
you get eats like a 4 speed transmission,
push button radio, tinted glass, radial tires
and a trip meter. You can also add options
like camper tops, a tonneau cover, roof
bars, electric winch and a sliding rear
window.

What's more, a Brat won't interrupt the
joy of driving with constant stops at the gas
station. It delivers 36 highway and 26 city
miles on a gallon of lower cost regular. (I
Calif., it's 29 highway and 20 city mpg.)**

The 4 Wheel Drive Wagon and the Brat.
The Civilized 4 Wheel Drive Cars from
Subaru.

We think you'll go wild over them.

*Total POE —not including dealer prep, inland transportation and tax. (In Calif., it's not including lax, license and inland transportation.) Wheel trim

rings are extra cost options on 4 whe

wagon. Price does not include special striping, tires and wheels on Brat. **These figures are 1978 EPA

test estimates for Subaru 4 Wheel Drive vehicles. Your actual mileage may vary due to the way you drive, driving conditions, the condition of your
car and whatever optional equipment you might have. © Subaru of America, Inc., 1978.

€1978R 4 REYNOLOS TOGACCO CO.

ew
Camel Lights

troducing
the solution.

Until now, low tar cigarettes just
couldn't deliver that full measure

of taste and satisfaction you want.
But this low tar filter cigarette,

at 9 mg. tar, is different. It's a Camel.
With a richer-tasting Camel blend
that means satisfaction.

The solution is at hand. At last.

LOW TAR CAMEL QUALITY

9 mg. "tar", 0.8 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method.

WHILE WE UNDERSTAND that in the spy business some opera-
tions must be carried out in secrecy, recent disclosures have
led us to believe that the operations of our own Central In-
telligence Agency may have been a little [00 secret. After all,
somebody should know what's going on. Luckily, if anyone
does know, it’s the former head of the CIA, William Colby, th
subject of this month's Playboy Interview. Articles Editor
Laurence Gonzales handled the interrogatories that cover such
touchy subjects as the Chilean affair and dirty tricks. Gonzales
used no bamboo slivers or d . but he did
a invaluable assist in his r hering from frequent
-AYBOY contributor Asa Baber.
On a more cosmic level, reports continuc to come in on
sightings of UFOs and some folks are still trying to prove
that people can leave their bodies and fly. Dr. Carl Sagon,
Pulitzer Prize-winning professor of astronomy and space
sciences at Cornell University, calls for the exercise of reason,
if not of scientific method, in evaluating some of the wilde
claims in his article Astral Projection and the Horse That
Could Count. Sagan, you should know, is the man responsible
for introducing Chuck Berry to other solar systems,

1f you lost your virginity in the back seat of a car, you may
have found later that you couldn't function sexually without
the odor of gasoline. In First-Night Disasters, Dr. William
Masters, of the sexual-research tcam of Masters and Johnson,
mines the traumas that linger long after the initial ex-
perience. Alex Ebel provides the illustration.

The most popular sport in the world is a game many
Americans have never seen, much less played. But that’s all

collection of milestones and trivia that will help
xc our national cultural gap.

Jone Fonda has gone from B-movie starlet to radical to iner-
nationally respected actress in a transition that has left her
public image a little fuzzy. Jim Horwood takes a hard look at
her latest incarnation in a profile titled Saint Janc and the
Hollywood Dragon. (The illustration is by Elizabeth Bennett.)

Our fiction offerings this month include a new story from
V. S. Pritchett, who will celebrate his 78th birthday this year.
The Accompanist, part of a soon-to-be-published anthology, is
the amusing story of a man who attends a dinner party given
by his mistress—and her husband. From our own ranks, Assist-
ant Editor Walter L. Lowe, Jr, who has been known to supple-
ment 1 h a pool cue, writes of Galahad, a black
pool hustler who challenges the local white champ on his
own turf. Erie Barnes's illustration captures the action and the
atmosphere.

Speaking of atmosphere, any of you who happen to be
Sherlock Holmes buffs will appreciate the scholarship in the
cartoon by Smilby based on the Conan Doyle character. lt
pictures the sitting room of 221B Baker Sweet in authentic
detail, including the "VR" in bullet holes from Holmes's
revolver practice.

LeRoy Neiman's deft work with a palette knife has graced our
pages many times, This month, rrvnox offers a portfolio of
his art that includes two recent portraits of rock immortz
Elvis Presley.

Kid-vid star Pamela Sve Martin, of Nancy Drew fame, leaps
the generation gap in a special pictorial, Nancy Drew Grows
Up, photographed by Dick Zimmerman, Meanwhile, decidedly
adult TV comic Martin Moll is featured in a Guide to Sophisti-
cated Seduction. Mull was snapped in action by Gary Heery.

Finally, photographer Ken Marcus does double duty. First
taking on porn star Constance Money for Call of the Wild and
then our July Playmate, Karen Morton. Lucky Ken, lucky you.

me w

NEIMAN

LOWE

BARNES HARWOOD i ZIMMERMAN

MARCUS BENNETT

PLAYBOY.

vol. 25, no. 7—july, 1978 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE
PLAYBILL .. 3
ITHEWORLDIOE,PLAYBOY C cet ee eee e
DEAR PLAYBOY 16
PLAYBOYZAFTERIHOURS eS cn M d ce Le Ea tere S 23
28

COMING ATTRACTIONS C: n Te cp EE ETE 51
IIHEIPDAYBOYZADVISORIS E CET 53
PLAYBOY SEX POLL........... HOWARD SMITH and LESLIE HARLIB 57

This month's question: Aside from losing your virginity, what was your most
meaningful sexual experience?

THE PLAYBOVIFORUM E Frcs nett LL EE

PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: WILLIAM COLBY—candid conversation ..... . 69
The former director of the CIA plays verbol hide-ond-seek with our interviewer
but gets caught a few times, nonetheless

ASTRAL PROJECTION AND THE HORSE

THAT COULD COUNT—article ............--.....-- CARL SAGAN 82
The quintessential rotionolist’s view of flying soucers, ESP, invisible psychic
forces and lots of other very populor weird stufi.

NANCY DREW GROWS UP—pictorial ...... 2.22... .2-2. esee 87
Pamela Sue Martin sheds her image as TV's wide-eyed teenaged detective and
now our eyes are wide!

GALAHAD—fiction . . WALTER L. LOWE, JR. 94
There comes a time in the life of every pool hustler when he sees his soul
reflected in the cue ball.

MARTIN MULL'S GUIDE TO SOPHISTICATED SEDUCTION—humor .... 96
In pictures and words, America 2Night's ace smoothie shows you his sure-fire
step-by-step method for moking out.

SHADES OF MEANING—modern living ................+--+-++---- 100
We've got five great pairs of sunglasses for you, ond they're sunbeatable!
THE ACCOMPANIST—fiction ..........-..-..-..- V. S. PRITCHETT 102
P If you're going to dinner at your best friend's house, there's no better way to
Soccer Guide P. 144 work up an appetite than by making love to his wife.

GENERAL OFFICES: PLAYBOY DUILDING, 919 NORTH MICHIGAN AVE., CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60811. RETURN POSTAGE MUST ACCOMPANY ALL MANUSCRIPTS, DRAWINGS AND PHOTOGRAPHS SUBMITTED
IF THEY ARE TO DE RETURNED AND NO RESPONSIBILITY CAN BE ASSUMED FOR UNSOLICITED MATERIALS. ALL RIGHTS IN LETTERS SENT TO FLAYEOY WILL BE TREATED AS UNCONDITION-
ALLY ASSIGNED FOR PUBLICATION AMD COPYRIGHT PURPOSES AND AS SUBJECT TO FLAYBOY'S UNRESTRICTED RIGHT TO EDIT AND TO COMMENT EDITORIALLY. CONTENTS COPYRIGNT © 1978 BY
PLAYBOY. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. PLAYBOY AND RABBIT HEAD SYMBOL ARE MARKS OF PLAYBOY, REGISTERED U. 5, PATENT OFFICE, MARCA REGISTRADA, MAI

REPRINTED IN WHOLE OR IN PARY WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THE PUBLISHER, ANY SIMILARITY BETWEEN THE PEOPLE AND PLACES IN THE ri

AND ANY REAL PEOPLE AND PLACES IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL. CREDITS: COVER: ACTRESS / MODEL PAMELA SUE MARTIN, PHOTOGRAPHED BY PHILLI
CURTIS, r. 129 (2); PHILLIP DIXON, P. 1o. 147, FRANK ECK, P. 12; ANTHONY EDGEWORTH, P. 134; GRANT EOWARDS, P. 3: RICHARD FEGLE

T. 3, JEFF COHEN, p- 36; BRUCE

COVER STORY

Phillip Dixon photographed Pamela Sue Martin, formerly television's teenaged girl sleuth
Nancy Drew, examining the clue of a cutout Rabbit. We asked Pam (whose new image
debuts with the pictorial on page 87) what she thought the clue meant, but she was preoc-
cupied with another mystery—who stole her underwear from under her trench coat?

FIRST-NIGHT DISASTERS—article ........... DR. WILLIAM MASTERS 104 r
America's foremost sex researcher says that, for better or worse [often worse),
your first time is probably a foreshadowing of things to come.

BLOWING UP YOUR BOAT—modern living ..... sese 109
Here's a recipe for hoppy booting: Just add air and chart your course.

ALL IN THE FAMILY—playboy's playmate of the month ...........-. 112
Her cousin Elaine wos a Playmate and now Karen does the Morton family
proud again, proving that beauty comes in bunches.

PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor ...............++seeeeeeees . 124

SUPER SANDWICHES—food ......_.....- -EMANUEL GREENBERG 127
You can turn that late-night snack into a work of art.

PLAYBOY'S GUIDE TO GROOMING—modern living ..
‘A compendium of tips to keep you looking your best.

acca LEE
s most famous
ortists. Here's a portfolio of his work, including two stunning portraits of Elvis.

THE WORLD OF LE ROY NEIMAN—pictorial ........-..
He gained renown in PLAYBOY ond now he's one of Ameri

Good Grooming

THE SECRET LIFE OF SOCCER—sports .............. MAURY Z. LEVY 144
Its a sport thors about to happen—big. We're letting you in on the
ground floor.

DESIGNING TRIO—attire |... liliis DAVID PLATT 149
Three top designers talk about their work and fashion trends

BARROOM BETS—quiz .. . -RUSSELL H. SLOCUM 153
Easy ways to win back the money you lost on the Super Bowl.

GALLIOE THE, WILO = pictorial PEE ELE Dc 154
You may know Alaskan restaurant owner Susan Jensen as porn star Constance
Money, but don't get them confused. She doesn't.

THE MAGIC STAFF—ribald classic

SAINT JANE AND THE

HOLLYWOOD DRAGON-—personclity ............. JIM HARWOOD 169
Jane Fonda hasn't exactly dropped out of the revolution; she's just too busy
trying to finance it.

PLAYBOYS PIPEUNE Se E IIR 6aguócs +. 175
Fishing schools; using your consular corps; plastic surgery.

PLAY BOVIPOTFOURR Peace ee eer ire ong audedcsens Eee 200)
. 235

AMOR P tO (2): RICHARD HOWARD / CAMERA Y, P. 3; MICWARD IZUN, P- Vt, JILL KRENENYT, P. 3, KAROLO M- LAMGCRE STUDIOS, INC.. F 175; HOE LEVIN /

HLuustaarions sy: kp HAT, VERNON MCKISSICK, P. 145, BOM POST, P. 179: LINDA FOTMBEM
COLUMBIA INSERT, BETWEEN P. 34-35, 210.211, PLAYDOY CLUBS INTERNATIONAL CARD. BETWEEN P. 220-221

PLAYBOY. JULY, 1070. VOL. 24, Mo. 7. PUBLISHED MONTHLY BY PLAYBOY, IN NATIONAL AND REGIONAL EDITIONS. FLAYUOY BLUEL. 919 N. MICHIGAN AVE. CHGO.. ILL.
POSTAGE PAID AT CHGO., ILL., à AT ADDL, MAILING OFFICES. SUBSCRIPTIONS: IN THE U. S., $14 FOR CHE YEAR, POSTMASTER: SEND FORN 3578 TO PLAYBOT, P. O. BOX 2420.

SECOND.ctass

PLAYBOY

Rally shines deep
because it cleans deep.

Rally” car wax gives you the deep, rich-looking
shine you want because it cleans deep down, gets
up even tough, oily road film as you wax.

Space-age silicones make “Rally”
incredibly quick and easy to use.

And they make “Rally” every bit as
weather-proof and detergent-proof as
old-fashioned paste waxes.

Test drive it.

PLAYBOY

HUGH M. HEFNER
editor and publisher

NAT LEHRMAN associate publisher

ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director
ARTHUR PAUL art director
SHELDON WAX managing editor
GARY COLE photography editor
G. BARRY GOLSON executive editor
TOM STAEBLER executive art director

EDITORIAL

ARTICLES: LAURENCE GONZALES editor; FIC-
TION: VICTORIA CHEN HAIDER cditor; STAPF:
TERRY CATCHPOLE, WILLIAM J. HELMER,
GRETCHEN MC NEESE, DAVID STEVENS senior edi-
lors; JAMES R, PETERSEN senior staff writer:
JOHN BLUMENTHAL, ROBERT CARR, JOHN REZEK
associate editors; WALTER L- LOWE, J. F. 0'CON-
NOK, ED WALKER assistant editors; BARBARA
NELLIS sesearch supervisor; KATE. NOLAN, TOM
PASSAVANT research editors; SERVICE FEA-
TURES: TOM OWEN modern living editor;
DAVID PLATT fashion editor; CARTOONS: Mi-
CHELLE URRY cdilor; COPY: ARLENE BOURAS
editor: JACKIE JOHNSON. FORMELLER, MARSHA
MORGAN, SUSAN O'BRIEN, BECKY THALER-DOLIN,
MARY ZION researchers; CONTRIBUTING
EDITORS: MURRAY FISHER, ROBERT L
GREEN, NAT HENTOFF, ANSON MOUNT, PETER
MOSS RANGE, RICHARD RHODES, JEAN SHEPHERD,
ROBERT SHERRILL, DAVID STANDISH, BRUCE
WILLIAMSON (movies)

ART
KERIG rore managing director; LEN WILLS,
CHET suskt senior directors; BOB POST, SK

WILLIAMSON associate directors: BRUCE HANSEN,
JOSEPH PACZER assistant directors; GENIA
TCHORYE senior arf assistant; BETH KASIK arl
assistant; MARY LOU KOVAG traffic coordi-
nator: sasaka HOFEMAN administrative
assistant

PHOTOGRAPHY
MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; JEFF
COHEN, JANICE MOSES associate editors; HOLLIS
WAYNE new york edilor; RICHARD FEGLEY,
POMPEO POSAR slaff photographers; James
LARSON photo manager; BILL AKSENAULT, DON
AZUMA, DAVID CHAN, PHILLIP DIXON, DWIGHT
HOOKER, K. SCOTT HOOPER, RICHARD 1ZU1,
KEN MARCUS, ALEXAS URBA contributing pho-
tographers; PATTY BEAUDET, MICHAEL BERRY
assistant editors; JAMES WARD color lab super-
visor; WOBERT CHELIWS administrative editor.

PRODUCTION
JOHN MastKo director; ALLEN VARGO man-
ager; VLEANORE WAGNER, MARIA MANDIS,
CAROL TOWNS, RICHARD QUARTAKOLI assistants

READER SERVICE,
JANE COWEN SCHOEN manager

CIRCULATION
RICHARD SMITH director; J. R. ARDISSONE ne
stand sales manager; ALVIN WIEMOLD subscrip
tion manager

ADVERTISE
HENRY w. MARKS adverlising director

ADMINISTRATIVE
MICHAEL LAURENCE business manager; PATRI
PAPANGELIS administrative editor; TERESA
MCKEE rights & permissions manager; mit-
DRED ZIMMERMAN administrative assistant

PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC.
DERICK J. DANIELS president

FOR ‘6645 YOU CAN
BUY A CHEAP CAR. OR
AN EXPENSIVE ONE.

Its no longer true that you get what you pay for. — solidly built and painstakingly finished. And Volvo

At least, it isn't true among the 1978 models. owners confirm it. In a recent independent national
"Thats because—for about thesamemoney—youcan survey, a significantly higher percentage of owners
become the disappointed owner of a cheaply made of new Volvos rated their cars "excellent" in terms of

car or the satisfied owner of one that’ well made. overall quality of workmanship than did the owners
Luckily, the cheap ones can give themselves of all 57 American makes surveyed!
away to anybody who bothers to look closely. Doors, The amazing thing is that, for the price of many

hood and trunk lid don’t fit properly. The paint job of the cheapcars, you can own an expensively built,

is dribbled in some places, spotty in others (especially ^ well-equipped Volvo...the 1978 Volvo 242 in a

on top of the hood). The trunk is a wasteland of raw, — dealers showroom near you.

unfinished surfaces. Rattles are constant companions. Why settle for less when the price is no more?
Volvos, on the other hand, are known for being VOLVO

"Suggested retail price POE tor the Volvo 242.1 eater preparation, delivery charges and “Lambda Sona™™ emission lem additional *Survey ot owners ol newcars Bought in May. 1977

E
ig

RAT

VOLVO. A CAR YOU CAN BELIEVE IN.

PLAYBOY

How to make

a good

Make any drink with Seagram's 7
and make it a great one. For a smooth,
refreshing 7 & Cola, pour 1? oz.
Seagram's 7 over ice in a tall glass.
Fill with cola and garnish with lime.

Seagram's 7 Crown

Where quality drinks begin.

‘SEAGRAM DISTILLERS CO., N.Y C, AMERICAN WHISKEY—A BLEND. 80 PROOF,

THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY

in which we offer an insider’s look at what's doing and who's doing it

JULIE WOODSON IN TV MOVIE

April 1973 Playmate Julie Woodson, a top fashion
model, has resumed the film career that was
interrupted when she walked off the set of

Super Fly years ago. Julie played the

wife of a budding marine biolo-

gist in The Bermuda
Depths, en ABC-

TV movie.

HEF, SONDRA & FRIENDS ON SPECIAL

Hugh M. Hefner, July 1977 Playmate Sondra Theodore,
ventriloquist Wayland Flowers and Madame (above) were
among the celebrities who appeared on Disco Fever, a TV

special tied in with the hit movie Saturday Night Fever.

" LAINIES ROOM OPENS IN NEW YORK

Seen at the grand opening of Lainie's Room in
the New York Playboy Club, patterned after the
popular one in Los Angeles (from left, above):
Lainie Kazan herself, Eartha (Timbuktu!) Kitt
and conga-drum player Marcelino Valdez.

PATTI MC GUIRE

BRIGHTENS RESORT IN

MEXICAN SUDS PROMOTION

Patti McGuire, 1977 Playmate of the Year, pre-
sents a trophy to one of the winners of the Dos
Equis Challenge, a series of giant slalom races
open to employees of restaurants and bars in the
Mammoth Lakes area and sponsored by the brew-
ers of the popular Mexican beer. The event, staged
at the Mammoth Mountain ski resort in California,
featured divisions for men, women and teams.

VERSATILE MIKI GARCIA:
FROM 1973 GATEFOLD
TO PLAYMATE DIRECTOR

When PLavsov readers first made the ac-
quaintance of Playmate Miki Garcia (right),
back in January 1973, she was—take a
deep breath—a model, insurance under-
writer, amateur lobbyist for homeless ani-
mals, volunteer instructor for a class of
Mexican-American teenagers, assistant
director of a beauty pageant and owner of
three hens, three cats, four pigeons, a
rooster and a pair of rabbits. We know a
well-organized lady when we see one, and

April 1976, we made our Director
of Playmate Promotions, with offices in our
West Coast digs on Sunset Boulevard, L.A.

Now Miki fields requests for Playmate
appearances and interviews centerfold
candidates. Lately, she’s been helping
hunt for our 25th Anniversary Playmate.

A sought-after spokesperson for PLAYBOY,
Miki is often invited to appear on TV
shows. Here she is interviewed by Emme
Tomimbang of Honolulu’s Channel Four.

THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY
PLAYMATE UPDATE

RUM REVELATIONS.
pup em

Surprising facts every rum drinker should know:

Jb cies. || anime ao dan «|| site Aaa estimer
don'tknow about rum. for yourself the dash that Myers's
So Myers’ thinks it's adds toa simple Rum & Cola. The
time to raise some 7: E.

eyebrows.

The first fact of rum.
Rum comesin three
shades: white, gold, and
dark. Some light rums are
blended to havea barely
noticeable taste. Their à
flavormightfadeinthe | a
drink. But Myerssis Planters’ Punch. Here are the
blended specially to be recipes for your pleasure.
more flavorful. The Myers's
comes through the mixer.

Myers’s Rum and Cola:
Into a highball glass, add 144 oz.
MyerssRum: Fill glass with cola
beverage. Add slice of lemon or

lime, and stir,

And finally, one last point.
Dark rum is better to use in
Myers's Planters’ Punch: cooking than light rum. Myers's
Combine in shaker, 3 oz. orange adds a fuller rum flavor to foods.

juice, juice of 44 lemon or lime, Try sprinkling Myerss over

115 oz. Myerss. Add 1 tsp. superfine grapefruit halves. It's a simple way

sugar and dash of grenadine. Shake

welland serve in tall glass filled

Another surprise.

Dark rum isnt any stronger than.
lightrum. Both are the same
alcoholic proof. So Myers' isn't any
stronger, even though it has a
tastier rum flavor.

tocreate an interesting first course.
Myerss makes so many rum recipes
even more delicious.
So now that you know the facts,

your choice should be clear:

WORLD FAMOUS MyerssRum.
IMPORTED Because if you like rum, it's time

| you discovered the pleasures that

waitfor you in the dark.

More rcvelations.
Myers is more expensive. It's
imperted from Jamaica where it's

made slowly, in small batches.
The richer taste is worth the time.
And the price.

Next to Myers's
All other Rums
Seem Pale.

Imported by Seagram Distillers Co., 375 Park Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10022, 80 Proof.

Still another little known fact.
Caribbean bartenders mix Myers's
into exotic drinks made with
lighter rums. They trust Myers's

CHRISTIE VISITS OSAKA, BOOSTS ERA

Globe-trotting Playboy Enterprises Vice-President Chris-
tie Hefner celebrates, with Kazuo Miyaoka, owner of
the Playboy Club of Osaka; Yoji Shimizu, president of the
Playboy Clubs of Japan; and Playboy Clubs International
Senior Vice-President Dan Stone, the opening of Osaka
Club (right). Be-

low, she visits
with author Dr.
Benjamin Spock
and his wite,
Mary Morgan, at
Playboy Founda-
tion-sponsored
luncheon in sup-
port of ratifica-
tion of the Equal
Rights Amend-
ment in Illinois.

BARBI, REGGIE BECOME PEDAL PUSHERS

Playboy recording star Barbi Benton takes time out for a little friend-
ly conversation with New York Yankees slugger Reggie Jackson,
her bike-race opponent on TV's Celebrity Challenge of the Sexes.

EX-BUNNY MAKES GOOD IN TV SERIES

Attention, New York keyholders: You thought Susan Sullivan, female
gynecologist in Julie Fart, M.D. and Rudy Jordache's attorney/girl-
friend in Rich Man, Poor Man, Book Il, looked familiar? You're right.
She spent three years as a Manhattan Bunny while working her
way through college, reciting Shakespeare as she served drinks.

HERE COMES LEROY COTTONTAIL

When Macy's, to benefit the Juvenile Diabetes Founda-
tion, solicited Easter baskets from celebs for its annual
flower show, artist LeRoy Neiman contributed a Femlin.

KING: 19 mg. "rar", 12 mg. nicotine,
100's: 19 mg. "tar", 1.3 mg. nicotine,
av, per cigarette, FTC Report AUG. 77.

smoking’ all about.
And my Winston
is all taste, all the time?

IGARETTES

For years, Fiat has been
sending cars to America that drive.
incredibly well,

And, meanwhile, a lot of
Americans have bought other cars
for their wheel covers or their
interiors.

Well, as you can see, we've
done something about this.

Like our other Sedans and
Sports Cars, the new Brava has
the same kind of performance
you'd expect from a Fiat. And the
new Super Brava has something
more: the appearance of a car
costing thousands of dollars more.

We designed the new Fiat
Super Brava from the tires up.

And we came up with a
design that comes out of the Fiat
tradition; yetit breaks tradition
in the area of looks.

Never has a Fiat been this
luxuriously appointed, whether
you choose the rich, padded,
velour interior or the vinyl you'd
swear was calfskin.

And never has a Fiat driven
this well. Its Rally version just won
the World Rally Championship.

And when you buy the new
Brava, you get the incredible Fiat
2 year, 24,000 mile power train
warranty.

Beauty and guts, appearance
and performance: a Fiat that
looks as good as it drives, all for
around $5,000.

BRAVA!

GOEYWBRAVA

Price based upon P.O.E. price of vehicle
shown, the Super Brava. Inland transportation,
dealer preparation, and local taxes additional.

PLAYBOY

HELP US FIND
THE GIRL OF
OUR DREAMS

PLAYBOY is Conducting a na-
tionwide search for the girl;
iheone who willappear in our
January 1979 issue as our
25th Anniversary Playmate.
Over the years, the PLAYBOY
centerfold has featured the
Most beautiful women in the
world. But for our Silver An-
niversary, we're looking for
someone superspecial. You
may know her or you may be.
her. Find out now by sending
us a fulldength photograph,
nude or seminude. (It will be
returned if you include a
self-addressed, stamped en-
velope.) The gil who is cho-
sen will receive $25,000 and
will represent PLAYBOY
throughout our year-long
25th Anniversary celebration.
If you've always wanted to be
a Playmate, or a Playmate
talent scout, here's your
chance. The winning talent
scout will receive a $2500
finder's fee. Time is very short,
but the green is very long. so
send your entry now to:
PLAYBOY
25th Anniversary
Playmate Hunt
919 N. Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois 60611

DEAR PLAYBOY

ADDRESS DEAR PLAYBOY
PLAYBOY BUILDING

919 N, Mi

GAN AVE.

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611

FROST AND NIXON

In the April Playboy Interview with
David Frost, Frost gives us an example of
his wit in the following: When asked to
speak on the subject of the queen, he
replied, "The queen is not a subject.”
Very nice, but that pun originated with
Oscar Wilde, By implying it was his own,

it seems to me Frost is guilty of the same
kind of tactics of which he earlier accused
Richard Nixon and Enoch Powell. On
another occasion, Wilde said, “I have

bution to the interview. Unfortunately,
in his case, the statement is untrue.
John Savage
"Toronto, Ontario

"Ehe only winners in the David Frost-
Richard Nixon TV interviews were the
television industry, Fr nd Nixon. I
don't think the public gained much at
all Frost gained the recognition and
fame that he apparently sought in
the U.S., while Nixon obtained much
needed money ($600,000 plus 20 percent.
of the TV profits), Each man had a lot
at stake and obviously not only wanted
to ensure contractual compliance but
also wanted to generate heightened ex-
citement so necessary for better TV rat-
ings. The one thing that many people
are upset about is that Nixon was treated
so much better than his associates and
continues to get the support he needs.
Were the interviews necessary?

R. E. Fibus
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Im amazed that James Reston, Jr.
(The Breaking of Richard Nixon,
PLAYBOY, April) should claim credit for
unearthing the Colson-Nixon tape of
June 20, 1972, via a researching coup in
the “late fall” of 1976, when that very
same tape was quoted extensively in
John Dean's book, Blind Ambition,
which was published and became a

PLAYBOY, JULY, 1570, VOLUME 26, NUMBER 7. PUBLISHED MONTHLY BY PLAYBOY, FLA
ICAGO, ILLINOIS 40611. SUBSCRIPTIONS: IN THE UNITED STATES AND 175 FO

AVENUE

nationwide best seller in October 1976.
Any casual reader could have become
aware of these “si g new discov-
cries” simply by perusing Dean's book
months before the Nixon interviews were
conducted. Since I'm certain Nixon had
read Blind Ambition before the Frost
conversations were held, maybe he w:
a bit more prepared for them t
David was.

Bernard Collins
Middletown, New York

Congratulations on your brilliant. in-
tet w of David Frost—or should I say
David Frost's brilliant interview of Da-
vid Frost? He has, indeed, proved with
British understatement that he reigns
supreme in the world of debate as well as
interviewing.

Bill Peckh
Poughkeepsie, New York.

MUSICAL CHAIRS
My compliments on a well put together

and extremely enjoyable music poll for
1978 (rLAvBov, April). But Peter Framp-
ton as number one on the present guitar
circuit? Granted, an opinion is an opin-
ion, but this discrepancy is one I find
particularly difficult to swallow.

Bart Auer

New York, New York

I read the music poll and enjoyed it
very much. Since I am interested in rock
music, it is very informative to me. But I
have one small complaint. In your pop/
rockguitar category, what happened to
David Gilmour? Being an ardent Pink
Floyd fan, 1 rank Gilmour among the
best.

Rick Browni
Joliet, 1

I was bewildered by the readers’ music-
poll selections this year, especially in the
Hall of Fame choice of Linda Ronstadt.
People whose present popularity is great

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2. t are a prize winner, mail your winning
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City, N.Y. 11101. All prizes won by matching

ls must be claimed in this manner and all
claims must be received al Sweepstakes Head-
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3. If the symbols on your certificate do not match
One of the prize winning series of symbols. you
can still enter a random drawing for any of the
unclaimed Grand or Second prizes. Unclaimed
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send a completed official Second Chance entry
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any recognizable portion of the front label from
Black Vel the words "Black
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entries must be received by August 31. 1978. If
no entry forms are available you may still enter
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words "Black Velvet" printed on a 3 x 5 card
along with your complete name and address. No
purchase necessary. Send to Mixin' Velvet," P.O.
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PLAYBOY

should not necessarily be associated with
the legendary performances of other Hall
of Famers. True, Miss Ronstadt is a fine
singer, but what are her contributions to
music as compared with Jimmy Page,
Peter Townshend, Neil Young or Chuck
Berry, just to name a few who didn't
make it?

Daniel Simmons
La Mesa, iforni:

Shame on you, rLavrov! How could
you have the audacity to ignore the most.
talented keyboard musician to come
along in the past decade—Billy Joel? Get
on the stick.

Henry T. Hammond
Huntington, West V.

atulations to Bill Utterback for
his great illustrations of music poll win-
ners. In fact, the whole feature is great,
except for one thing; if Mary Macgr
is black, my ass is green!

Doug Hopkins

Alhambra, Califor

Your butt isn't green and our face is

red.

Alter having read The Year in Music,

1 now realize why I should have sent in

my ballot. Next time I'll send one in if
1 have to write it in my own blood!

John B. Morgan

Macon, Georgia

THE WHAM OF PAM
Miss April, Pamela Jean Bryant, is by
far the most beautiful P
ever laid eyes on. She definitely gets my
vote for Playmate of the Year. I'd give
anything just to have another look at her.
Jerry Deutsch
Charleston, West V.

rginia

Another great centerfold! Pamela def-
is the most beautiful woman in
the world. I hope to see more of this
fox in the future.

Kellen Moelich
Scottsdale, Arizona

Congratulations to Richard Fegley for
photographing the loveliest, most sen-
suous Playmate pictorial these sore eyes
have ever seen. It would, however, be
difficult to go wrong with a subject such
as Pamela Jean Bryant. She's a shoo-in
for Playmate of the Year.

]. Jones
Houston, Texas

Pamela Jean Bryant is absolutely the
most sensuous, most beautiful girl we
have yet seen. Keep up the good work.

Marines of B Company
New York, New York

You will no doubt receive loads of
praising the charms of Pamela Jean
n: and deservedly so. She is your
t offering since Patti McGuire.
However, somcone ought to compliment
Richard Fegley. His work with Miss

Bryant is the finest I have ever seen in
your magazine by anyone other than the
master—Pompco Posar.

L. J. David

South Bend, Indiana

Now that exams are over and we can
concentrate wholeheartedly on Pam,
could we please get another glimpse of
her God-given gifts? C'mon, give it the
old college try and give us another peek

Lancaster House
University of Connect
Storrs, Connecticut

We don’t buy that story about exams

(sce letter below). If you want to see

m. L

another picture of Pam, just ask. We're
glad to oblige [or no reason at all.

Although midterms are upon us at
Grove City College, we still manage to
find time to read your magazine. It is our
consensus that Pamela Jean Bryant, is
one of the most beautiful girls ever to
grace the pages of PLAYBoy. We hereby
offer her an honorary membership in our
Independent Men's Group.

Kappa Delta Alpha
Grove City College
Grove City, l

FALZONE ON SIRHAN
James McKinley's article on
(Inside Sirhan, vtaypoy, April) is one
heavy piece. However brazen and de-
structive his ideas may be, Sirhan appears
to be a very intelligent man and in com-
plete control of his mental facult
judging from Falzone's statements. U
til extremists learn a little about humil
ity and compromise, let's give them a
permanent home in X wing and lessen
the possibility of the “nuclear burn.”
Mitchell L. Martin
Montpelier, Idaho

Sirhan

If Sirhan had been executed instead of
ng slapped on the hands, we would

not even have to hear such bullshit about
what he is planning, much Iess have to
worry about his actually attempting it
Just stop and consider the consequences,
What if Sirhan had been an American
and had assassinated a Palestinian lead-
er? My prediction is that the U.S. would
have paid out the ass for many, many
years. Thank you for your very informa
tive article. You should be commended
Randy Reynolds
Stillwater, Oklahoma

T have just fin ading the alleged
“by proxy” confessions of Sirhan Sirhan
as reported by some super con man,
habitual cri carmen Falzone. I am
shocked that your magazine would pub-
lish allegations of this nature, because in
thc past you have generally shown a great
mount of fairness to the private rights
of all people. Here Sirhan is tried and
convicted of crimes worse tha
by the unco
mitted sneak thief,

Charles Edwardsen
Marion, Illinois
The Bill of Rights is intact. Our publi

cation of, in your own words, “allega-
tions" does not constitute either a trial
or a conviction. Falzone's uncorrobovated
story is presented as just that, and his
record is presented in detail. Any judg-
ment on the veracity of his story and ils
implications is still up to the reader and
the courts.

THE PLEASURE OF PAIN
In the memoir Nine and a

Weeks: An Incredible Love
(rravwov, April). Elizabeth McNeill
demonstrates an extraordinary skill. |
very much love her writing and I am
fascinated at her courage to learn. |
want to express my extensive thanks 10
her for sharing her talents.

Marie A. McDanicl

Miami, Florida

Half
Affair

Nine and a Half Weeks: An Incredible
Love Affair is definitely the most provoca
tively exciting story I have ever read in
y ine. However, it sadly con
tributed to the gradual deterioration of
my favorite fantasy by imposing the
limitations of reality: the fantasy works
only when concentrating on the possibil
ity of extreme pain or degradation, as
opposed to the reality of actions and
their distasteful consequences.

Debra Earle
Boston, Massa

ichusetts

WIN SOME, LOSE SOME

Whether or not you support their posi
tion, you have printed too many letters
disparaging the masculinity of gay men.
It is the position of our group that the
‘simpering fag” (Playboy Forum, April
1978) is a media creation designed
to further the myth that gays are un-
like other people. Toward the end of
eradicating those misimpressions, our

follow label directions.

If there's one thing you always look forward to, it's a weekend party You
munch on chips and dip. You chug-a-lug your beer. You bugaloo till two.

But sometimes you overdo it. You wake up feeling less than your best. When
you do, reach for Alka-Seltzer! The moment you drink it, those tiny bubbles
start to speed relief through your system. With specially buffered aspirin to soothe
your throbbing head. And antacids to calm your upset stomach.

You'll be thankful you have Alka-Seltzer on n
hand. Because when morning comes, the only Alka-Seltzer
sound your aching head can bear to hear isa 1 11 acl
CODES MCN Oh,what a relief it is!

1978 MILES LABORATORIES. INC.

PLAYBOY

organization has established a speakers’
bureau housed within each of our 170
campus affiliates across the U.S. and
funded by private grants. Persons wish-
ing to contact our speaking teams should
write to Positive Images Project, care of
"Tom Clark, International Union of Gay
P.O. Box 3592, Long Beach,
90803.

Richard Raymond

Long Beach, California

Do you know that many gays, lesb
and bisexuals are readers of and subsc
ers to your magazine? Don't be too sur-
prised by it! I'd like to thank you for the
increasing recognition your magazine has
shown homosexuals over the past few
months. I believe that continued sup
port from a "traditionally straight"
magazine will be a beneficial aid to a
rapidly growing minority group striving
for liberation

M. Hanna
New York, New York

DIVING WITH VETTER

Move over, George Plimpton, Enter,
Craig Vetter (Pushed to the Edge: Part
Three, The Sky Dive, rLavsoy, April).
Vetter writes with such arm, readable
style and has such marvelous psycho-
logical insight that I hope he returns to
your magazine soon, T have one ques-
tion, however: What could he possibly
do for an encore?

Tom Keller
Portland, Oregon

Craig Vetter must be one of the great-
est writers of our time. His accounts of
the ice climb, ski jump and sky dive are
so lifelike that in the first one, I actually
was cold!

John Keever
amp Lejeune, North Carolina

Veuer had my heart pounding as
I ice-climbed, ski-jumped and sky-dived
with him through the pages of PLAYBOY.
You aren't, for a moment, considering
letting him off the hook without sending
him through hang-gliding school, are you?

Bob Holliston
White Salmon, Washington

The way Craig Vetter writes is unres
He tells it like he saw it. He h
excellent way of expressing
Smoking a nice mild joint and then
reading his article about the sky dive
really made me buzz. Keep up the good
work, Craig. I think you can really say
that you have accomplished a lot of
things in life that a lot of other people,
including myself, would also love to try
Drew Toner
Edmonton, Alberta

TREADS AND THREADS
sI just finished reading the article
Treads and Threads (PLAYBov, April).

My husband and 1 are both avid motor-
cydists and I, for one, was glad to see
the smaller commuter bike given its fair
share. I think that one should start out
with a smaller bike before trying out the
larger, more powerful bikes. That way,
you can find out if motorcycling is really
your thing before you pour a couple of
thou d into a more sophisticated mod-
After all, some people can't even walk
suaight, let alone control a lot of horse-
power on two wheels! Keep up the good
work, PLAYBOY.

Sherry Trimpi
Richmond, Kentucky

I really enjoyed your pictorial article
Treads and Threads, but 1 think 1 spot-
ted an error in one of the captions. On
page 135, vou identify the gentleman's
jacket as being made by Brunswick.
Don't they make bowling balls?

Randy Hanson
Los Angeles, California

A thousand pardons, Randy, to you
and the Peters Sportswear Company.
Since we flubbed the first one, her

another look at that jacket. Notice the
fine lines, the exquisite detailing, the
matchless material—now take a look at
the jacket.

In Treads and Threads, 1 can over-
look your choice of two-wheel transport
tion from today's smorgasbord selection

merely lacking in experience or taste.
However, as a road rider with hundreds
of thousands of miles of "safe" and

“fast” experience, both one and two up,
L am appalled and disgusted at your
recommended riding threads. I'm 40
years old, so not so impressionable as
many of your readers, for whose safety I
fear should they ride in such clothes.
Don Lemley
Los Gatos, California
You Hell's Angels are all alike.

‘How to get
this camera bag
free.

First, examine the acra ad
on the facing page.

If you'd like your
slides to achieve that pure
look of European color, go
out and buy yourself ten
rolls of 36-exposure
AGFACHROME" 64. Any time
between April 1 and July
31, 1978.

"Then tear the emul-
sion-number flaps off the
film boxes. Your AGFA
dealer has all the details;
he'll show you which flaps
to tear off and where to
send them.

We'll then send you
this camera bag, which has
a retail value of $19.95*

It's all padded inside.
Zippered. Has three sepa-
rate compartments. And
comes with a padded shoul-
der strap.

And, best of all, it's
free.

* Void where prohibited,
taxed, or restricted by law,

AGFA
The color of Europe.

PLAYBOY

Merit
Reputation

Growing.

‘Enriched Flavor tobacco strong attraction
forincreasing numbers of high tar smokers.

Finding good taste in a low tar cigarette is no longer a problem
for high tar smokers.

The taste of one low tar cigarette is changing the minds of hard
line "taste" smokers. That cigarette: MERIT.

75% of MERIT smokers are coming directly from higher tar brands.

‘Enriched Flavor’ Tobacco The Reason

By cracking cigarette smoke down into separate elements,
researchers were able to isolate certain key flavor-rich ingredients
that deliver taste way out of proportion to tar

The result is ‘Enriched Flavor tobacco. It's convincing the toughest
critics of low tar smoking

Tests among thousands of smokers show why.

Taste‘Iest Proof

MERIT and MERIT 100’s were both tested against a number of
higher tar brands.

Overall, smokers reported they liked the taste of both MERIT and
MERIT 1005 as much as the taste of the higher tar cigarettes tested.

Cigarettes having up to 60% more tar!

Only one cigarette has ‘Enriched Flavor’ tobacco.

And you can taste it.

LOW TAR-ENRICHED FLAVOR’

Kings: mg" tar." 0.6 mg nicotineav. per cigarette, FTC Heport Aug! 77
100's: 11 mq""rar:* 0.Bmg nicotineav. percigarette by FIC Method.
Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined

That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. Kings & 1005

Philip Morris Inc. 1978

PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS

CELEBRITY SWEEPSTAKES

You think the entire printmedia in-
dustry isn't People watching these days?
You think celebrity names don't sell just
about every kind of publication you can

ine? Take a look at the cover lines
on issue number 44 of Fetish Times, a
West Coast monthly reporting on the
darker sides of love: "EXCLUSIVE—Elvis
in Bon "Was Groucho a Mas-
ochistz" "George Wallace on Enemas.”
What next? Renee Richards on the cover
ol Variety?

CHOW

We recently caught up with a survey
conducted among active members of the
Army, Air Force, Navy and Marine Corps
in 1978-1974, to determine which foods
the Servicemen liked best and which they
liked least. All together, the military
polled 3890 guys, and here's what it
found out:

Fifteen Best-Liked Foods
Milk
2, Grilled steak
3. Eggs to order
4. Corn en the cob
5. Orange juice

6. Strawberry shortcake

7. Freneh-fried potatoes

8. Fried chicken
9. Ice cream
10. Milk shake
11. Bacon
12. Spaghetti with meat sauce
13. Spaghetti with meatballs
14. Beer
15. Bacon-lettuce-tomato sandwich

Fiftcen Least-Liked Foods (in order of
declining preference)

1. Carrotraisin-celery salad
2. Canned figs

3. Boiled pigs’ feet
1. Baked yellow squash
5. Kidney-bean salad
6. Creamed onions
rench-fried cauliflower
8. Stewed prunes
9. Prune juice

10. French-fried carrots

11. Mashed rutabagas

12. Low-alorie soda

13. Fried parsnips

14. Skimmed milk

15. Buttermilk

(This survey will be featured in
CHOW, a Cook's Tour of Military Food,
written by Paul Dickson and to be pub-
lished this fall by New American Library.)

TV TREND

Sex is supposed to be one of the hot
new trends on television this coming sea-
son, according to industry sources who
have had a peck at some of the upcoming
network shows. On television, of course,
"sex" usually means bouncing breasts,
couples together and

living remarks

down there on the “hubba-hubba” level:
nevertheless, here are some of the more
interesting shows being considered for
the coming season

+ Jackie and Darlene (ABC): Comedy
about two young black girls in Los An
geles, one an office cle worker and
the other a decoy officer with the police
prostitution detail.

+ Stitches (ABC): Boys and girls to
gether in the coed dormitory of a large
medical schoo]

* Young Guy Christian (ABC): Com
edy about a superspy not unlike James
Bond, who fights off evil mcanics and
gets laid a lot

+ Doctors’ Private Lives (ABC): Be-
hind the scenes and between the sheets
with the medical profession.

+ Are You Being Served? (CBS): Mad.
cap zaniness dealing with employees of
menswear and women's-wear sections of
a Boston department store.

+ Coed Fever (CBS): Comedy concern-
ing a stufly New England college that
decides to yo coed, and the goings on
during that first grope filled year

+ El Paso Pussycats (CBS): The hu-
morous adventures of a squad of pro-
fessional-football cheerleaders, with any
resemblance to the Dallas Cowboy cheer
leaders purely intentional.

+ Flying High (CBS): Fun and games
with three aspirin Tdesses at a
training school in California

+ Hey, Coach (CBS): High school ath
letic coach is involved with a
who loves him and a sexy math instructor
who is hot for his hypotenuse.

* Tom and Joanne (CBS): Allegedly
"adult" comedy about a divorced couple
in their 30s and their sexual reawaken
ing as semiswinging singles.
+ Three of Everything (CBS): Two
women discover they are married to the
same man (a longdistance truck driver)
and solve the problem by moving
together.

+ American Girls (CBS): Two pretty
young things working for a TV news

stev

teacher

PLAYBOY

show go on the road in search of new
material; drama, suspense and turn-ons
follow.

* She (CBS): Luscious lady spy shows
her stuff in a drama series featuring that
popular couple, scx and violence.

+ Cheerleaders (NBC): A group of fun-
loving pom-pom girls at a California
college engages in “Our Gang.bang" style
of comedy.

* California Girls (NBC): Two beach
bunnies (beach bunnies?!) aspire to life-
guard jobs, encountering situations too
humorous to mention

* Coast to Coast (NBC): Airport com-
edy set in New York and Los Angeles
and relating the adventures of, among
others, two horny stewardesses.

* Legs (NBC): Weekly comedy series
dealing with the lives and times of a
group of Las Vegas night-club chorus
girls.

* Roller Girls (NBC): Charlie's Angels
on wheels, featuring five members of an
all-girl rollerderby team and more jig-
gling breasts than you can shake your
stick at.

* The Three Wives of David Wheeler
(NBC: A man (presumably named
David Whecler) must deal with his cur-
rent wife, an ex-wife with whom he runs
a photographic business and another ex-
wife who works for the business.

* The Arrangement (NBC): A 2l-year-
old guy and a 19-year-old girl decide to
live together without benefit of clergy, as
they used to say; Three's Company
minus one.

* Wednesday (NBC): Norman Lear
comedy production concerning a di-
vorced man with two daughters who
lands a job hosting a daily call-in/talk
lio sex show.

* On the Loose (NBC): Drama focus-
ing on the lives of three girls sharing a
condominium apartment in Honolulu.

+ Pleasure Island (NBC): Comedy/
drama set at a Club Med-type resort in
the Caribbean,

DREAMY SEX

Has the women's movement, and the
attendant liberation of women’s sexual
attitudes and behavior, had any effect on
the dreams that women are experiencing
these nights? Good question, we though,
when it came up around the water cooler
one day not long ago. And the person
to answer il, we knew, was Dr. Robert
Van de Castle, director of the Sleep and
Dream Laboratory at the University of
Virginia Medical School and one of the
nation’s leading experts on the subject
of what people do all night. Here is
what Dr. Van de Castle had to say:

Women's dreams have changed con-
siderably. Back in the Sixties, when we
studied the dreams of some 50 young
nursing students, we found that most of
the girls dreamed of wedding bells and
of a handsome boyfriend or movie star

who'd make it all come true. Men's
dreams were less specific as to the iden-
tity of the partner; the women they
dreamed of were simply gorgeous and
simply sex objects.

These days, however, it's more likely
that a lady will dream of a “bronzed
lifeguard with broad shoulders.” The love-
making she dreams about is more physi-
cal, too. Whereas in the past she might
have dreamed about foreplay and kiss-
ing—women infrequently reported a
direct intercourse—now the sexual ac-
tivity in her dreams tends to parallel the
activities she engages in or would like to
engage in, Erotic details are now more
specific.

Today's women are more upfront in
acknowledging or portraying their sexual
interests or desires both in their waking
and sleeping lives. Now there is a greater
I hood that a dream lover is a stran-
ger, or sometimes even another woman.
Dreaming about a lesbian encounter
doesn't necessarily mean a lady's a closet
lesbian: Dreaming about making love to
another woman can affirm the dignity
of women, indicating that women are
worthy of being made love to.

As for men's dreams these days, well,
they haven't changed too much. There's
still phy veness and concern
with jobs, and they're as horny as ever.

Thanks a lot, doc.

RUMOR CENTRAL

Now, it seems, there are two rumors
afloat regarding allegedly scandalous
items in the possession of the Smith-
sonian Institution, the national museum
located in Washington, D.C. The older
of the rumors, of course, has it that, some-
where in the rambling,
seum complex, there resides, in a |
of formaldehyde, the penis of the late
John Dillinger, bank robber and roué.

While many persons, including mem-
bers of the PLAYBoy staff, have conducted
countless top-to-bottom searches of the
Smithsonian, looking for evidence of
Dillingers member, no one has yet
found the thing within those walls. Still,

Avernous mu-

there are a lot of people in this country
who swear, absolutely swear, that friends,
or friends of friends, have actually seen
the elusive Dillinger dong resting on a
Smithsonian shelf.

The second Smithsonian rumor is of
more recent vintage, apparently, and
concerns the allegation that the institu-
tion’s Collection of Business Ameri
cana—a mother lode of more than
1,000,000 pieces of advertising memora
bilia—contains a small but exquisite col.
lection of condom wrappers, instruction
sheets and other materials associated
1 prophylactics. When we first heard
this latest rumor, we got on the phone to
John N. Hoffman, the curator of the
Collection; Hoffman said he didn't re-
member ever having seen condom items
in the collection but promised to have a
look around and see what he could find.

Hoffman called back a few days later
to say that he had been unable to turn
up a single item of condomania in the
Collection. "If they ever were here,” he
added, “they are not here now.”

And that’s about it for today from the
PLAYBOY rumor desk.

PICKUP LINE OF THE MONTH

“Listen, I'm not at liberty to disclose
the identity of the billionaire I'm work:
ing for—all I can say is that I'm author:
ized to give you a cashier's check for fifty
thousand dollars for the panties you're
now wearing."

THE MERC CIRC

“Tell me, how would you like to pub-

lish the inside story of the assassination
of Idi Amin?” That is the sort of prop:
osilion you get when you are—like our
friend Tom Miller—a free-lance writer
covering the mercenary scene. Miller re-
ceived the proposition by phone from an
American mercenary whom he calls
Saturn, and the rest of Miller's bizarre
tale goes like this:
Saturn, a Vietnam vet who lives in
an Eastern state, is one of a handful of
mercenaries who call me periodically to
pass along the latest gossip on the merc
circ. On this occasion, he was especially
excited as he told me how he and some
comrades-in-arms had devised an elabo-
rate scheme to kill Amin.

“Where will you get the money?” I
asked. “Surely it would cost a lot.”

“Well,” Saturn replied, “Rhodesi
doesn't have the money; Britain is hold-
ing back; Israel already made its strike
against Amin; and South Africa doesn’t
want to touch it right now. But what I
was thinking was that you've got access
to publishing houses, right? You can ap-
proach these people about a book on the
assassination of Idi Amin Dada. All it’s
going to cost them is out-front expenses."

I paused for ten seconds. "You mean
you want a publisher to pay for the

PLAYBOY

assassination of a head of state in ex-
change for the exclusive rights to the
story?

1 could feel Saturn beaming through
the long-distance wires. "Well—they're
not cxactly going to pay for the assas-
sination; they're paying for the story.
They don't have to know where their
noney goes, and no one else has to know
where the hit money came from. They're
simply paying for the weapons and ex.
penses of getting us there. It would be a
write-off!

The media-wise soldier of fortune de.

tailed his plan. I would obtain a $15,000
cash advance and have the publisher put
nother $100,000 in escrow. When Oper
ation Big Daddy. as he so delicately
called it, was complete, I would debrief
him and his cohorts. Vd get the exclusive
story and he'd get the 100 grand.
You know as well as I do that everv-
body would run to the bookstore to read
it,” Saturn continued. “We could burn
Amin. come back, step off the plane and
say, "We did it and you can read how
we did it in this book. The beautiful
thing is that, outside Uganda, not a soul
would touch us. Ivs just like shooting
Hitler! Fm sure you understand.”

I did, all too well. Saturn, unlortu-
nately, could not understand why a pub-
lisher would be reluctant to put up the
money for anyone's assassination. Still,
he persisted over several phone calls, and
the funny thing was, whenever I'd men-
tion his cockeyed scheme to book and
movie people, they'd laugh and then
By the

turn serious for five seconds:
way, how much does he want?”
A producer associated with

film studio who was working on a

script
involving soldiers of fortune was inter-
ested in talking to Saturn—but not, she

said, about his harebrained assassination
idea. 1 was to set up the interview.
"There's somcone who wants to pick
your brain about the merc scene in
Rhodesia.” I told Saturn during one of
his follow-up calls. “Someone in Holly
wood." He was thrilled—a pipeline to
bucks!

We arranged a conference call—the
producer in Hollywood, me in Arizona

the merce!
“That’s a word they don't use
over there: The government says they're
not hiring meres, they're just offering
citizenship and high pay to anyone who
joins their army.”

There was another five minutes of
nless chitchat about killing black Afri-
a guerrillas, and finally the producer
changed the subject: “I hear you have
something else you're working on.

“Oh, yes, for quite some time!” Saturn
enthused. “I think it would blow yo
doors off if I had a chance to talk with
you about it." They sparred for five more
minutes—Satum cryptically begging for
bucks, the producer gently side-stepping

When it was over, Saturn
“How'd I do? Think I

commitment.
called me bac
convinced h
The producer called the next day. “I
told the studio heads about Saturn's idea.
They thought it was hilarious—but first
they asked me how much he wanted."

YOU READ IT HERE FIRST

From Washington, we have exclusive
word that President Carter finally got
around to inviting his erstwhile primary
opponent, Representative Morris Udall.
over to the White House for lunch, more
than a year after Carter took up tesi-
dence there. So what did the two old
warriors talk about? Campaign mem
ories? Pressing issues of the day? Nope.
All Jimmy wanted to talk about, our
sources report, was the Presidential ambi
tions of California governor Jerry Brown
(for more on that, see Books).

Seems the White House is obsessed with
Brown these days and, since Udall had
just returned. from a Brown fund raiser
in Sacramento, Carter grilled his guest
at length about what Brown was up to.
Our sources further report that Carter's

not be without substance:
es have lately been snoopi
around New York and Washington
search of suitable campaign digs for the
1980 Presidential race.

EASY LISTENING

There isa small group of people work-
ing in a building on Broadway in New
York City who share what must be
one of the choice jobs in this country.
The people are “music monitors". for
the American Society of Composers, Au.
thors and Publishers (ASCAP), which
means that, for salaries ranging upward
from $112 per week, they spend eight
hours a day doing nothing but listening
to music. There must be more to it than
that, we thought, and so we sent New
York correspondent Dan Garlinsky
around to the ASCAP building to check
for hidden catches and attached. strings.
His report:

ASCAP

is the jon’s oldest mu

licensing group, and its job is to r
sure its members (some 16,500 composers
and lyricists and 5500 music-publishing
companies) get their rightful music roy-
alties. The royalties—and we're talking
more than $100,000,000 a year here—are
determined by how frequently an
ASCAP members work is played on
radio and TV, and it is the job of the
music monitors to help determine this
frequency-of-airplay figure

The monitors sit in booths in a big.
well-lighted room, wearing headphones
and listening to a statistically represent
ative sample of tapes from radio and TV
stations across the country; as they listen,
they jot down song titles in a logbook,
and these notations are what ultimately
determine

à composers or a lyricist’s

royalties. There are 43 ASCAP monitors
in v divided up into
da g shifts.

It isn’t casy to get one of these jobs.
The monitors must be knowledgeable in
all types of music and be able to recog
ze thousands of tunes, since the disc
jockeys on the tapes are less than in-
fallible, As supervisor Ken Ayden told

"Even when the decjays do an-

me:
nounce a record—and they frequently
don‘t—we have to check to see if they're
accurate. ‘They get titles wrong, or joke
around, and then there's one West Coast
deejay who always names every perform-

er on a cut but never gives the title;
monitors are given a test

to try to identify
some 20 tunes, all played in a bland,
wordless style that makes them very hard.
to identify. One young hotshot guitarist
who tried—and failed—the test com-
plained to me that "in that style
symphonic piece sounds like Raindrops
Keep Falling on My Head. 1 fell on
my face.”

Those who do pass the test are often—
no e— professional i
Many of them are refugees from the big
bands of the Forties and Fifties, while
others are young pop and rock perform
ers, such as the singer who told me: “I
love this job because it keeps me in touch
with music and I like to listen to any
thing—unless I get a tape from a Sunday
gram in the Midwest, when 1 have to
listen to an entire church service."

THE NEW FBI

Arizona, an agent of the
u of Investigation has been
arrested and convicted on charges of
making obscene phone calls and con-
tributing to the delinquency of a minor
The agens m.o. was to place porno.
graphic playing cards on the bicycles of
voung girls, then. phone them and ask,
“Did you get my card?

‘The man was a nine-year veteran of
the FBI and resigned from the bureau
when arrested. There are, after all, some
Kinds of lawbreakers the FBI simply will
not tolerate.

Show Dad you've inherited good taste.

SEAGRAM DISTILLERS CO., N.Y. BLENDED CANADIAN WHISKY. 80 PROOF,

TELEVISION

hose of you who watched the Rock

end Roll Sports Classic on tclevision
carly in May may have a better perspec-
tive on it than I do. I was only there—
for all three days of video-taping in mid-
March on the University of California's
futuristic Irvine campus, deep in the
heart of Orange County.

By the time I find the outdoor pool
on Friday morning, I've already missed
two events—the 50-yard men's free style,
won by Kenny Loggins (formerly of
Loggins & Messina) in an unsnappy 29.3
seconds; and the 50-yard women's free
style, won by Sandy West of The Run-
aways (“Queens of Noise") in 33 sec
onds—but I come in on what proves to
be a paradigm of all to come: On
bleachers running the length of the pool,
100 or so students are cheering their
brains out, whistling, jumping up and
ing rhythmic fists, urging
no one. Nothing. Except for the
water and pop-em-beads Lane
15, the pool's empty. Very existen-
. No, very television. Next, for the
cameras, the East team, in blue warm-
up similarly cheers a ghostly
teammate on to victory. Sitting on the
one-meter board in his navyblue com-
mentator’s blazer and tie is Alex Karras,
easily the funniest ler defensive tackle
ever, He's billed as the host of the Rock
Classic. Two hours into a three-day gig,
he’s not feeling too funny. He lights
a cigarette and says to someone sitting
next to him, “I'm bored stiff.” Three
times he blows the chatty introduction
to the upcoming relay race, stumb!
over his improvised repartee with
porter” Michelle Phillips, late of the
Mamas and the Papas, in oh-so-sexy

ti Nearby, on the
pool deck, another cameraman is whi
ring at East team captain Phyllis Diller,
who, in a bluc-plastic shor dress,
orange make-up, flamingo legs and low
white go-go boots, looks like the most
fetching stewardess on Air Bulg:
The cameraman’s after a series of close-
up “fills” Asks Phyllis: “Flirts, is that
what you want?" He nods, ell me
when,” she says, "so I don't waste it.
And on signal, she puts her [ace through
a two-minute close-order drill of expres:
sion—cheese cheese cheese cheese
cheese—a life-size bionic fright doll set
ON FAST FORWARD.

That’s the way it went for three days.

But before plunging onward, let's set
the teams. For the East: all ten members
of Sha Na Na: some of Electric Light
Orchestra; all of the Jacksons; three
from Boston, group and town;
Murray; Marilyn McCoo;
others. I lost track. For the West:
Wind & Fire; the Commodore
Runaways; Gladys Knight and a few

down, sha
on..

suits,

running shorts

ria.

McMahon, Stewart await events.

Rock Classic:
You had to have
been there.

Barbi psychs up cyclists.
Dash Crofts; Leif

Pips: Kenny Loggin:
Garrett 3 Rod Stewart;
and Freddy Fender, who in a bathing
t is truly something to behold. Cap-
in of the West team is Sandy Duncan
and Barbi Benton is assistant captain.
Heccre^s Johnny” himself, Ed Mc
Mahon, is co-host, Kristy Mc

anya

Records. And lers not forget the T
Cowboys cheerleaders, in their tig

white hotter-than-thou hotpants and
blue halter tops, featuring décolletage

that won't quit. Real Texas. 1 got a
great picture of all of them inside the
huge yellow-and.whitestriped hospitali-
ty tent, sitting in uniform around a
folding table, eating cold lunch.

Friday afternoon, at the outdoor
basketball courts: The game's supposed
to start at two, but since its happ
for television, not for the humans
gathered here watching, we are all tre
ed to an hour's wait while the came
and fake Renaissance tournament back-
drops are set up.

Fred Travalina, the young comedian

who will be doing the pregame patter
with Karras during this segment, is sit-
ting on a folding chair in his blazer and
tie, with paper napkins forming a monk's
yoke around his shoulders. He's getting
a light wim from a hair stylist. before
going on. I am struck as the weekend
progresses with the realization that these
performers—as opposed to the musi-

cians—are without shame. On Saturday,
Sandy

Duncan (who is, incidentally,
lerably cuter in the flesh than
while climbing The $20,000 Pyramid)
will dash up to McMahon in front of
2000 spectators at the stadium, sunlight
gleaming off the rump of her golden
stin running shorts, and announce
breathlessly: "Well. I'm off to see how
the swimming events are going!” It
leaves me thinki Hmmm, she's run-
ning off into yesterday. which isn't a bad
ick. All the swimming events were
taped Friday.

Finally, the basketball game h
Pussy rules: They're playing half court,
and laying hands on the ball constitutes
team possession. During warm-ups, tall,
hearded Kenny Loggins looked pretty
good, but right at the start of this heroic
ten-minute batle, Michael Jackson is the
only one who looks at all competent,
Everybody aveling and fouling like
mad, with lite interference from the ref.
Any pickup schoolyard team in Chicago
could have beaten all ten of them silly.
Quickly, the event turns from basketball.
into showbiz: Several Sha Na Nas on the
side lines are doing cheers—"Hold that
ne! Hold that line!"—and in a couple
of mock fights, all team. members from
both sides stream onto the court to fall
laughing in a pile. At last, Johnny Con-
tardo of Sha Na Na wins it for the East
with some dirty comic street moves and
a final key lay-up. As sport, it was as
exciting as watching my cat sleep:
television, it was right there with Gil-
ligan’s Island.

Later Friday afternoon, on the central
campus: This one is the Marathon.

Its a grueling one-mile walking race
around a course of curving sidewalks that
oss a rolling grassy declivity ringed at
intervals by academic buildings. They're
all done in tastefully understated Buck
Rogers style; one so well imitates ten
stories of stressed. concr ing to
ward launch that it's nicknamed The
Space Ship. Scenes from Planet of the
Apes were filmed on this very spot.

The course is marked by colorful plas:
tic streamers on sticks. A gloomy wet
chill has settled in under leaden clouds.
The stalling around and apparent confu-
sion are so cozsiderable that the light is
nearly lost to rain and evening. Karras
spends much of the long delay sitting
alone on a stone bench beneath a small

e stra

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with activated charcoal. —because no other

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ES
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Tereyton lights: 8 mg. "tar", 0.7 mg, nicotine, Tareyton long lights: 9 mg. "tar", 0.8 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method.

Every so often, a few lucky people
get the chance to buy a great new
sports car.

Now its your turn. But there are some highly

untraditional virtues, too.
rap of exhaust. It'sthereal The RX-7 was designed specifi-
M azd a Ex 7 thing: a sports car withall cally to take advantage of the
the traditional virtues and Mazda rotary engine's unique
A car like this doesn't come then some. combination of compactness,
along very often. If you ever One of those tradi-
wished you had been there to tional virtues is per-
shake up the car world with the formance. Acceleration
new MG-TC back in 1947, with from 0 to 50 mph in 6.3
a 1953 Corvette when it was seconds. Cornering that
heresy on wheels, a 240-Z in 1970 comes from its refined
when it turned more heads than suspension, the bite of its &
hot pants...then you understand. fat, steel-belted radial
The 1979 RX-7 is the kind of tires. Braking from a
car that makes your stomach power-assisted combina-
muscles tighten when you start it. tion of ventilated discs
That lures you through a corner in front, finned drums
with a flick of the wrist and a in back.

smoothness and high perfor-
mance. It made some important
differences.

The compactness made
possible a front mid-engine
design, providing nearly perfect
weight distribution for impec-
cable handling and smooth ride.
It also made possible the RX-7's
slick, wind-cheating lines.

At the same time, the
smooth power and broad, flat
torque curve of the Mazda rotary
make the RX-7 a real stormer,
but one that's easy to get along
with at low speeds.

If you thought you'd never
own one of the great sports cars,
better test drive a Mazda RX-7

GS-Model (shown) or S-Model.
You simply have to experience it
from the driver's seat to under-
stand what this car is all about:
the kind of comfort, versatility
and room you've always wanted,
the kind of performance you've
always dreamed of. And all ata
price you'll find hard to believe.

Believe. Your time has come.
The Mazda RX-7 is here.

*POE price for S-Model: $6,395. For G5-Model
shown: $6,995. (Slightly higher in California.)
Taxes, license, freight and optional equipment

are extra. (Wide alloy wheels shown above

$250 extra.)

Mazda's rotary engine licensed by NSU-WANKEL

1953.
The Corvette.

From *6,395'

GS-Model shown: $6,995*

The car you've
been waiting for
is waiting for you.

PLAYBOY

There are108 ways
the English keep dry
with Gordon's.

EVERY DRINK ON THIS PAGE
CAME OUT OF A BOTTLE OF GORDON'S GIN.

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tree, staring at the ground. The All-Star
Walkers are jammed together for so long
at the starting line, all these million
dollar egos penned up and put on hold,
that at last in chorus they begin going
“Moco! Moooo! Bahhhh! Bahhhh!
Moooooo!" and then burst into collec-
tive protest song, the old Animals clas-
c... "We gotta get out of this place, if
it’s the last thing we ever do / We gotta
get out of this place...” And this im
promptu a cappella choir has to be the
weekend's most historic event.

Finally, the momentous Marathon
begins

Near the starting line, a student in-
quires of his buddy: “They're gonna

have to do that over, aren't they? They
screwed up.

Sez his buddy, showing great insight
into television: “Who cares?”

Indeed. 1 can't tell you who won. The
cameras had all the good seats. Which
was fine, but nobody bothered to make
any announcements to those of us merely
here in the flesh. It didn't matter. It was
in the can.

Friday night, in my room at the Shera-
lon-Newpori: On my television set is
something called All-Star Anything C
y Keach, one of my fa

is wearing huge stage
cherries on his head and has a rolling
pin tied between his ankles. He's sitting
in a round plastic pool full of balloons
and, yes, now he’s scooting around on his
ass like a dog with worms, breaking bal-
loons with his rolling pin. Interviewed
later, he says of the contest: “It’s the
most important thing I'm doing to-
night.” The Rock Classic seems dignified,
cven significant, by comparison. The big
final event on All-Star Anything Goes is
the Star Sack Race, Four stars per sack,
hippety-hopping. Barbi Benton is inter-
viewed about how competitive she is.
Then Stacy Keach and others are in their
sacks, hopping away. The narration
"That's Barbi Benton crawling into the
ack with the other Singers. . . . No ques
tion about it, the Singers are better in
the sack than the his sort of
thing must be going . and Barbi
must be going right around with it.

Salurday, at the traclcand-field. stadi-
um: Y walk in on a voice booming over
the P.A. system

Ye gods—
yorite actors,

hrow it to Ed Mc
Mahon, Kristy!’ Wait. Hold it. Throw
what? VI never know. The crowd is ap-
plauding an empty track. Ah, here comes
a morsel of action: The contestants are
lining up for the men's 100. d dash.
In lane six is Leif Garrett, and at the
end of the nds nearest the starting line,
a clutch of his groupies (perhaps the
highest concentration of 14-year-old girls
with bad complexions I’ve ever seen i

California, where blemishes are outlawed
according to Beach Boys Statute Number
1347B) hover and giggle, fluttering but-
terflies of near hysteria, barely able to
contain themselves when he turns their

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way to wave and show them his upper
gums. Then, bang! The race is on. Bang!
Bang! Bang! No, it’s not. A false start
William King of the Commodores has
fallen down. They're going to retake it.
As Leif comes back down the tra
of the pi

‘k, some
z is gone, New boy-wonder
teenaged heartthrob or not, he walks
back sweating and winded. In the retake,
he doesn't place. Jackie Jackson wins.

Next is the women’s 100-yard dash,
featuring as favorites Marilyn McCoo.
Anne Murray, Tanya Tucker, Sandy
West and Joan Jett. Ms. Jett, in short,
straight, cryptblack hair and death-mask
eye make-up, appears to be cultivating
the image of a tough guy with tits; to her
credit, she doesn't pull it off, She and
fellow Runaway Sandy West—who seems
10 be shooting for the mean peroxide
carhop look—come in a close first and
second in the race. For girls who try so
hard to radiate a sleazy, unhealthy aura,
they're in very good shape—and placed
in or won several of the women's cvents.
Could it be they're not actually bad girls?
Another dream gone

Saturday afternoon: I confess, by now
I do not give much of a shit who is
winning or losing these races. Part of it is
that no one yet has done anything physi
cily—in public, anyway—that’s more
than mediocre. Life on the road doesn’t
breed Olympic material Although I
guess that’s part of the idea: the Samuel
Johnson's dog effect. As he said of dogs’
walking on their hind legs, it's not that
they do it well—it’s that they do it at all
There's a curious appeal to watching
your heroes in one area prove them-
selves abysmally average in another. But
I'm nor getting any jolt today. "There's an
absolute lack of momentum, that slow
rising toward climax you get from most
real sporting events, even junior high
school volleyball. This is—a sportsoid. It
poses as a sporting event—the races
certainly aren't rigged—but what they're
really doing is making a movie. So being
here is more like watching an autopsy ol
an actual sporting event. The living
whole has been systematically dissected
into its component parts, and everywhere
the dead pieces are being filmed. Except
here there never was a living whole. ‘The
film editor will do the Lord and Lazarus
one better by bringing back from the
dead something that was never quite
alive to begin with. It may make wonder-
ful television, but it’s impossible to care
about on the spot

Sunday: A sunny, warm morning after

night rain; the grounds are mud swamp
in just inside the fenced-off
“backstage” area, where the great tents

been set up (three of them, men's,
women's and hospitality), sit several
chauffeurs, variously uniformed, on a
table, all in a row, The crowd is hooting
and celebrating the nonarrival of Rod
Stewart, who won't be here for a cou-
ple of hours yet. He's to compete in a

low-hurdles relay and a soccer goalde-
fense competition, which must have been
conccived as a custom-made showcase for
him. Until nearly kicktime, his opponent
remains uncertain; rumored possibilities
include Mick Fleetwood, John McV
Elton John, Bernie Taupin and others.
It will prove to be somcone named
Tandy from the Electric Light Orchestra.
And Stewart will beat him casily, making
defenses that look almost . . . dare I say
. professional. Strangely believe it:
Out of everyone here, Stewart is the only
one who will turn in an athletic perform-
ance a few cuts above Sunday-picnic.
Today many of us have discovered an
interesting truth: that much of this
makes more sense when viewed inside
the hospitality tent, on the color-tele-
vision monitor. It's also less muddy
side. From the camera’s point of view,
the competition takes on a certain co-
herence and even looks like fun. So
while Milan Williams of the Commo-
dores zips around the track outside on
his tenspeed, en route to winning the
men’s bicycle race, I'm inside watching
it on television, along with 100 or so
stars / press /wives/girlfriends/ kids /group-
s/photographers/parents. One is the
year-old replica of a 40-year-old Judy
land, who's evidently the daughter of
Somebody around here. She's wearing a
red sweater and a red heart sewn over
cach denimed babycake, and cavorts and
teases several adults right in front of the
television set—so everyone watching the
set can't help watching her, too. Kids
learn fast. Twenty feet away is a little
girl with large dark eyes and long brown
r, in a blue ski jacket and white jeans.
She sits unnoticed, silently watching this
creature her own breastless age behave
like a boozy divorcee.
I leave you with some real-life dialog.
1. Fellow in his fat late 30s to a friend:
"Shows ya what a guilt complex will do
for ya. I woke up resisting coming down

here, and here I am!”
2

Tow high you wanna go?”
I'm high enough now,” says the sleepy
cameraman, 20 feet above the ground on
the yellow forklift in the sky.

3. “My kids hated my father from the
second they met

4. Over the P.
have all the talent .
Phyllis Diller. . . .”

5. Three teenagers, two girls and a boy,
stand talking next to the track. Next to
them is a 30ish father with a young kid.
One of the girls is sa “And they
y right there on

. system: “Could we
sandy Duncan . .

ays the other girl, "I thought
homo!”

Father can't take any more. He turns
to them and says, "Nice language!"

"I'm sorry," says the first girl, by way
of explanation but with a snowy edge in
her voice, “but I grew up in Hollywood.”

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(gittis most dangerous export
may not be television, after all, but
politicians. The example of Richard Nix-
on alone would be enough to support
that argument, and Ronald Reagan pro-
vides the clincher for many people. But
what about Jerry Brown? Good question.
And timely, since everybody in politics,
cluding Jimmy Garter, thinks Brown is
running for President. If not in 1980,
then certainly in 1984. But if they all
agree on Brown's plans, they do not
seem to be sure of much else about the
man. Except that he is a new sort of
politician and very mysterious. The
Brown enigma (fist explored at length
in a celebrated Playboy Interview. by
Robert Scheer, who later interviewed
Carter for PLAYnoy and history) is irresist-
le to pundits and political stargazers,
who now have two—count ‘em, two—
new books to help them grapple with
the phantom, Brown (Random House),
by Orville Schell, takes the indirect ap-
proach, blending some fly-on-the-wall
journalism with interviews, anecdotes,
vignettes and a little pure reflection. It
comes out like a meringue—tasty but
full of air and not very filling. Schell's
methodology reminds one of Garry
Willss brillant and enduring Nixon
Agonistes, but Schell is neither writer
enough nor thinker enough to bring it
off, and his detached cool is finally un-
satisfying. J. D. Lorenz, on the other
hand, doesn’t like or trust Jerry Brown
and he doesn't care who knows it. His
Jerry Brown, the Mon on the White Horse
(Houghton Mifflin) is, therefore, the
more interesting book. Lorenz saw
Brown up close: as a campaign aide for
a few months and as a high official in the
Brown administration before he was fired
in a dispute over employment policy.
His book, however, is more than a bitter
recrimination. He writes lucidly and
thinks logically—which is probably
enough right there to make him a pariah
in a Brown administration, The anec-
dotes are telling and one offhand remark
is worth the price of the whole book: An
aide, trying to explain Brown to Lorenz,
says of the young governor, “Jerry has a
whim of iron.” We will no doubt he:
more about Jerry Brown; books will
come in a flood. So far, this is the best.
e

On October 3, 1973, Dr. Kenneth
Edelin performed an abortion on a
young woman in Boston City Hospital.
‘The fetus, or “products of conception," as
t is known in medical terms, was placed
in a plastic container to be disposed of.
Within a few months, Dr. Edelin would
be tried on the charge "that he did
assault and beat a certain person, to wit,
a male child described to the said jurors
as ‘baby boy,’ and by such assault and

Brown studied.

Brown dissected,
abortion debated,
Passages’ roots researched.

beating did kill said person." Edelin was
found guilty of manslaughter in a jury
trial. The Baby in the Bottle (Coward, Mc-
Cann & Geoghegan), by Dr. William A

Pinball! (Dutton), by Roger C. Sharpe

with spectacular photographs by
James Hamilton, is a must book jor
all the real pinball aficionados who
are into the artistic aspects of the
machines as much as they are ad-
dicted to the game. A great gift.

Nolen, is a detailed analysis of the case,

which was eventually overturned by the

Massachusetts Supreme Court. Dr. Nolen
is a careful, lucid writer who ayoids much
of the distortion that accompanied media
coverage of the trial—a trial that was one
of the first major offensives of the Right-
to-Life movement. The issue in the case
was not so much the woman's right to
have an abortion as the physician's
responsibility to the 22-week-old fetus,
which may have been alive at the time of
its removal from the uterus. In the after-
word to his book, Nolen points out that
the remains of the baby are still in a con-
tainer on the shelf in the Suffolk County
medical examiner's morgue. No one will
sign his death certificate, so he cannot be
legally buried, The controversy is far
from settled.

Over the past few years, Gail Sheehy
has had a runaway best seller called Pas-
sages—a popgocs-the-psychologist explo-
ration of adulthood. It was cheaper than
a weekend at est and, what's more, you

could go to the bathroom whenever you
wanted. Shechy borrowed heavily from
the research of several psychiatrists and

psychologists, a
fessionals is asking for equal time, Rob-
ert L. Gould, M.D., actually worked with
Sheehy as a co-author of Passages before
bailing out. His Transformations: Our Adult
Dilemma of Choice, Sofety and Self (Simon
& Schuster) is presented as a “Dr. Spock
for adults.” Dr. Gould notes that pa-
tients he has observed can be classified
according to age: “All teenagers were
preoccupied with their parents. Unde-
niably, people in their 20s were preoccu-
pied with vocational choices, with their
new roles as spouses and. parents or with
their inability to get into those roles.
People in their early 30s talked about
being stuck and mired down. . . . People
in their late 30s and early 40s all were
experiencing an intense discontent and
were feeling an urgency about determin.
ing what their lives had been and what
they still could be." That pretty well
covers the paying customers, Gould then
outlines adulthood as a process of mov-
ing out of and beyond the dreams of your
parents. He presents models of typical
adult crises, as well as exercises for exor-
cising demons. The book i: Dr. Spock
for adults, and if you can stand that kind
of simpleanindedness, you might get
something from it.

nd now one of those pro

.
"The world has really taken a beating
"s crop of fiction. Gore Vidal
ended it with lotus blossoms in Kalki.
Lamy Niven and Jerry Pournelle put
carth out of its misery with a comet in
Lucifer's Hammer. Robert Merle, an old
hand at the apocalyptic adventure story

EA c, 45.8 PROOF: BLENDED CANADIAN WHISKY. fo 1978

D: IMPORTED BOTTLE FROM CAMADA BY HIRAM WALKER IMPORTERS INC.,

Bonnie and Clydeled.us
onawild hase to the site of
their last knowmhideout.

Nearby we hid a.case
of Canadian Club:

It had been 44 years since Bonnie Parker
and Clyde Barrow sped through this
northern Louisiana wilderness on their
last run from the law. Tracking their legend
even now is a wild and wooly cha
lonesome red clay roads which run deep
in tangled pine forest
We met folks who'd seen them.
Finally our search led to where an old
squatier’s cabin had once stood. Bonnie
and Clyde were known to have holed up
here in their last days, and local folks told
us they’d seen the two lurking hereabout
back in ’34. So having found the long-lost
hideout, we trekked into the brush and
buried a case of
Canadian Club.
Start at “the end
"of the trail?”
To find that C.C.,
start your trail ex-
actly where Bon-
nie and Clyde's
ended. Find the
road they took to
their fateful ren-
RES us with the
law and head in
the opposite direc-

Bonnie and Clyde. tion, all the way to

E the next parish.
Go past the "three.
R's" place, and
where David's lad
abides, turn onto

f a red dirt road
At the black gold
storage place,
head north.

Lookfora warning.

Wo hard left turns
and a short drive will bring you to an old
sawmill. Continue till you are warned
about digging and stop (if you're warned
more than once, you've gone too far). On
your right is an overgrown trail. Follow it
to two former money-makers. From one of
them, take a bearing of 160 degrees, and
take a pace for each of the 120 years
people have been enjoying Canadian
Club. Now take 44 more in any direction
but the. one you've come from to where
three stumps form a triangle.

We hope you brought ice and glasses,
for within that triangle, just one foot
down, lie 12 bottles of the world's finest

sting whisky. But if the rigors of the hunt
seem too great, you can find the same
great taste at your favorite tavern or pack-
age store by simply saying,

“The Best In The House"" in 87 lands.

PLAYBOY

(his Malevil is onc of the best "how to
i atomic war" novels), is at it
again with The Virility Factor (McGraw-
Hill). This time out. he doesn’t end the
world, only half of it. A strange disease
called. Encephalitis 16 strik merica:
being closely related to the male hor
mone, it is lethal to all males above the
age of puberty. Men can survive by cas-
trating themselves or by retreating to
safe concentration camps patrolled by
women guards. The novel is told from
the point of view of the doctor who dis-
covered the disease and works to find a
cure. The biological aspects of this thrill-
cr are reminiscent of The Andromeda
Strain: exciting and believable, But
that's only half of the narrative, Merle
takes this opportunity to describe a
world run by women. A lesbian becomes
President (ihe butch stops here) and tries
to keep power by sabotaging the search
for a cure. God, the ladies in The Viril-
ity Factor know how to carry a grudge.
P
"The Life": Memoirs of a French Hooker
(Viking/Seaver), by Jeanne Cordelier.
is a kind of existentialist Hile Report.
Sophie, the author's nom de quill, is a
woman who has grown up without affec-
tion and becomes a hooker. Judging
from the considerable brouhaha this
book caused in France when it appeared
a year or so ago, one would expect a
good deal more from it than what

Cordelier has delivered. She writes in
that vague, rambling style that French
literary power brokers confuse with art.
Harry Mathews’ translation isn't at
fault: his significant work with the
French surrcalists in the past few ye
cxonerates him. It's our guess he simply
got roped into a bad book.
e.

Stanley Kubrick got us puzzling over
some of the more intriguing enigmas of
outer space with 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Now, in Altered States (Harper & Row),
thor Paddy (Network) Chayefsky has
done the same for inner space. In many
ays, the book is a 2001 of the mind,
spiced with a little Dr. Jekyll and Mr.
Hyde; though it’s written more like a
doctoral dissertation than like a piece of
fiction, it reads like a thriller. Working
on the theory that all genetic informa-
tion since the beginning of mankind is
recorded in every living man, Edward
Jessup, a fanatical Boston scientist, finds
drug with which he can send his con-
sciousness backward through time, The
drug seems to stimulate the nether re-
gions of the memory, and the more he
lakes, the Jarther back he goes, until
ultimately his consciousness overtakes all
time barriers and transforms his being

into . . . well, we won't spoil the kicker.
Suffice it to say, it's very, very bizarre
Chayefsky's of complex scienti

lingo, though difficult to wade through

in parts, helps make the plot more
believable. Our only complaint is with
the ending, your basic cop-out, love-
conquers-all close. Oh, well, it will prob-
ably make a lovely film
E

Who would pay 565 for a book? Well,
if you were a Porsche freak who couldn't
get enough of those wonderful machines
and wanted to keep plugged in even
when you weren't behind the wheel, vou
would certainly consider the investment
worth while if that book were Porsche/
Excellence Was Expected (Automobile Quar
terly Library

Series), bv PLAYBOY con-
tributor Karl Ludvigsen, The book
weighs only slightly less than a 911

and is just as beautifully put together.
What the hell, vou can blow that much
dough on a dinner for two these days.
Autoracing nostalgiacs not surfeited. by
the Ludvigsen epic should plunge into
Great Motor Sport of the Thirties (Iwo Conti-
nents), by John Dugdale, who was part
of that scene as driver, reporter and
editor. A good deal of the action. takes
place in Dugdale’s native England,
though there is substantial coverage of
racing on the Continent, where the two
German giants, Daimler-Benz and Auto
Union, put on some historic battles.
Dugdale, now handling public relations
in America lor British Leyland, turns it
all into a chronicle that is quite per-
sonal and highly enjoyable.

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MOVIES

Arere fascination with older wom-
en has its drawbacks as the years fly
by. They are invaluable teachers wh
boy is groping toward manhood, then
time catches up with you—or with me, at
any rate—and you find you'd sooner give
a hand to some firm young flesh, Maybe
age cannot wither, but one would have
to be a geriatric fetishist to keep from
flinching while a couple of so-called ma-
ture actresses totter through their newest
movies,

Mae West's Sextette, based on a play
she wrote before most of us were born,
not only reveals the ravages of time—it
revels in them, almost obscenely. Wh
Mae's status as the great-grandmother of
every screen siren and sex symbol of the
century cannot be argued, Sextelte is so
stilted, inept and downright dull that
the film makers seem to be callously
embalming the myth they have set out
to revive. Seen through the greased
lens—either that or gauze so thick that
most of milady's male co-stars look gift-
wrapped—Mae wriggles along rather
gingerly, an antique windup doll whcez-
ing innuendo as a much-married super-
star named Marlo Manners, who wants
to consummate her union with husband
number six (Timothy Dalton) but has to
fend off some former mates beforehand.
Dalton, veddy British, promises to keep

a stif upper lip" and all that. "Well,

honey,” cracks Mae, “you gotta start
someplace." At the age of 84 or there-
abouts, she manages to fan the embers of
her image as the last of the lukewarm
mommas, Tony Curtis, Ringo Starr,
Alice Cooper, Keith Moon, Dom De-
Luise, George Hamilton and George
Raft flail around, looking very love-struck
and vaguely embarrassed in roles that
call for more support than usual.
t was very difficult,” reports Tony
Curtis, aged 53, cast as a Russian diplo-
mat ("sexy Alexei"), who played a couple
of boudoir scenes with Mae and found
that she had trouble seeing or hearing
him. “You had to get quite close for her
to recognize you ... you had to talk to
her through a hearing aid. There wasn't
much spontaneity in the comedy.” Never
theless, Curtis adds gallantly, "she's a
unique woman, vary intelligent, very
perceptive.”

Mae West was also a legend in her
own time, but the time was then. To
drag a legend out of the archives and
away the dust of decades, forcing
comparisons between Mae today and the
incomparable, undulant Mae still up to
her hips in camp sex on innumerable
Late Shows, seems needlessly cruel. The
only indestructible showbiz legend 1 can
think of is George Burns, who somehow
transformed his dotage into the best
years of his professional life. Sextctte

blow

Sextette:

Summer movie far:
something old,
something young.

King, Donat in Different Story.

rccks morc of crass exploitation than of
nostalgia; it's a clear-cut case of aesthet-
ically mugging an old lady.

Simone Signoret, looking overweight
and ravaged as Madame Rosa, takes cul-
ture shock to a loftier plan Paris
friends and correspondents had been
touting Madame Rosa (La Vie Devant
Soi over there) as the major event
recent French cinema long before it
picked up an Academy Award as Best
Foreign Film. Signoret may be over the
hill as a sexpot—the purry, seductiye cat
of Room at the Top and Diabolique now
comes on snorting like a disgrunded
rhino, with contours to match—but she
still reigns as the formidable queen
mother of les films francais. Her per-
formance as a jaded old retired prosti
tute who raises the children of younger
whores had already won her the coveted
Cesar—and in Paris, that’s as good as an
Oscar any day. With or without prize
though, the movie is a downer tha
evokes mild depression alleviated by
grudging admiration. You go in ready to

love Madame Rosa and soon discover
that Israeli director Moshe Mizrahi wants
blood and tears as well as unwavering
affection. In fact, Mizrahi milks every
drop of sentiment from this morality tale
about a dying, embittered old Jewess
who has known the horrors of Auschwitz
and a soulful young Arab boy (Samy Ben
Youb) who worships her unto death—
and considerably beyond. Signoret
fabulous, as usual, but limited by a part
that has tour de force written all over it,
though not always written into it. There
are too many moments when Madame
Rosa strives for impact by dwelling upon
the swollen face and body of a fine
actress as if she were an icon rescued
Irom the ruins of a buried city.

Another aging star, Lola Gaos—un-
known here but a big, big name in her
native Spain—dominates Jose Luis
Borau's Furtives (Poachers). A primitive
game poacher (Ovidi Montllor) brings
home a wayward reform school refugee
(Alicia Sanchez) he finds in the city and
Kicks his possessive old mom out of bed
to make room for his new mistress. Orig-
inally banned by authorities, Furlivos is
a riveting tale of incest, murderous pas-
sion, smother love and political chicanery
that became the most successful film in
Spanish history—photographed with the
dark, blazing beauty of a canvas by El
Greco.

A few summer romances that could
show staying power at the box office are
lcd off by The Other Side of the Mountain,
Part 2. If you're a sucker for schmaltz,
pack up plenty of Kleenex for this sequel
to the 1975 tearjerker about ski cham-
pion Jill Kinmont, who was paralyzed
after a tragic accident on the slopes
in 1955, when she was 18. Part 2 de-
scribes how Jill gallantly conquered ad-
versity to become a dedicated teacher
and finally found love with a rugged
California outdoorsman, John Boothe,
whom she marricd in 1976. Director
Larry Peerce, a sworn foe of subtlety,
had the good sense or good luck to give
the Boothe role to Timothy Bottoms—
an unassuming actor whose eyes seem to
be melting with manly virtue—and to
bring back Marilyn Hassett as Jill. Has-
sett is beautiful, brave, plucky and so
masterful at sailin' through tears that she
makes her wheelchair look like a star ve-
hicle even when Peerce pushes hardest.

Perry King and Meg Foster, in A Dil
ferent Story, play lovers of a very different
hue. Male-female role reversal is the
key to a totally original first screenplay
by Henry Olek, directed with care by
Paul Aaron. King plays a casual homo-
sexual hustler who arrives in Los Angeles
as an expendable item in the baggage
of a musical maestro (Peter

famous

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Donat). Foster plays an aggressive real
estate saleswoman, who also happens to
be a lesbian with pressing problems of
her own, including a neurotic, possessive
girlfriend (Valerie Curtin). Eventually,
this decidedly odd couple gets straight,
yet Different Story does not set out to
preach, and Hollywood has seldom pro:
duced such a sympathetic, sophisticated
treatment of love and unisex without
labeling it X.

The plot worsens when the happy two
some settles down into a conventional
domestic rut. with a set of problems
neatly marked Hers (keeping house,
minding the baby) and His (working
overtime, probably ogling girls and/or
boys at the office). What was strikingly
different begins to look pretty much the
same at that point. Both King and Foster
are skillful, however, at suggesting thc
changes their characters undergo as the
female breadwinner gradually trades
places with a male party boy who seems
content, at first, to tidy up, dabble in
gourmet cooking and charm the pants
off people. Still, there's no hint of minc-
ing faggotry on his part, no bulldyke
bitchery from her. That would have been
the easy way. Different Story, despite
some compromises, at least tries to be
honest and open-minded about a subject
unlikely to win Anita Bryant's endorse-
ment. Chances are Anita would be too
riled to notice that the hero and heroine
d up as born-again heterose:

h its sex is soft-core and per-
aight- except for a bit of girl
girl fondling—I wouldn't call A Matter
of Love a best bet for Bryant boosters,
cither. The pictures are pretty enough,
shot in and around a beach house in the
Hamptons during the off season, where
two couples—Frank and Vicki and Rich-
ard and Angie—spend their vacation
ly getting into the numbers that Bob
& Carol & Ted & Alice merely rapped
about ad infinitum. “Sometime: te
of infidelity can save a relationship" i
the teaser line in Matter of Love":
ng. But that's exactly the messa
delivered, often quite persuasively, by
director Chuck Vincent, one of our bet
ter pornographers (Visions and Dirty
Lilly are among his recent credits). Vin
cent edges into the R-rated category with
a sensitive, serious study of swinging as
therapy, earnestly played by a cast of un-
knowns who do nothing to embarrass
their families. Well, practically nothing.
D

Then there's Word ts Ou: Everything
you ever wanted to know about being
gay, and then some, in frank oncamera
interviews with 26 men and women who.
have emerged from their closets with
plenty to say about alternate lifestyles,
much of it rather interesting.

When the phone rings in Roy Scheider's

Manhattan apartment and he finds a

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woman panting on the line with bi-
zarre propositions, he usually gives the
ceiver to his wife, Cynthia. "She can
andle it," he says, "I can't. I don’t know
how they manage to get my number, but
they do. Some of the things they suggest
are unbelievable

Obscene phone calls are only a small
part of the price Scheider pays for the
pleasure of becoming, at the relativel,
ripe age of 42, a matinee idol and sex
symbol whose rugged screen image has
invited comparisons to such macho su-
perguys as Cagney, Brando or, more
often, Bogart. "Well, my mail says so,
anyway,” remarks Scheider with a diff
dent shrug. “I don't think any actor
really thinks of himself as a sex symbol.
Still, it’s true the mail comes from a lot
of females, which is flattering. I like that.
Jaws gave me overnight recognition. If
they couldn't pronounce my name,
they'd know the face.”

Its a face and form not quickly for-
gotten—battered nose, trim athletic phy-
sique, the wary, penetrating eyes of a
fighter who seems to wonder whether or
not all the fights arc fixed. Scheider will
surface again very soon in Jaws 2. which
was only 90 percent finished when he
stopped off at the office of his New York
press agent to discuss some of the pros
and cons of galloping stardom.

His female admirers would never
dream that Scheider, whipping off a

Scheider: resurfacing in Jaws 2.

snappy yellow windbreaker and easing
his lithe frame into a chair, was once

plump, sickly teenaged misfit. There's
genuine pain in the flashbacks to his
troubled boyhood as the son of a service-
station operator in Maplewood, New Jer
sey. He says he finally came to terms with
himself and his late father, a tyrannical
two-fisted bigot whose idols were Hitler,
Senator Joe McCarthy and Nixon. “To
make matters worse, I had rheumatic
fever and a slight heart murmur, so I
spent many adolescent years in bed. If
you're the fattest kid in your high school
and don’t take part in athletics, you

feel sort of left out. So when I finally got
the green light from the doctor, 1 just
went insane .. . I jumped into a weight
loss program, started running. wrestling.”

Scheider shakes his head slowly. “I
look at myself in the mirror even today
knowing Pm in good shape, but the
phantom of that fat kid still stares back
at me. You don't forget those things.

“I was on a crash macho program to
make up for all that carlier floundering
around. I entered the Golden Gloves in
New Jersey. 1 was good enough for onc
fight, but not two—F lost the second
bout—that's how I got my nose bashed
in." He wrestled at Rutgers, entered pre
Franklin and Marshall College
but found that he preferred appearing in
school plays. Then he was booked for
three years (1957-1960) as an Air Force
lieutenant

After that, the new, slim civilian
Scheider became a busy New York stage
actor who won an Obie for his off Broad
way role in Stephen D.. based on the
work of James Joyce. But nobody really
knew who he was until he played Jane
Fonda's pimp in Klute, won an Oscar
nomination as Best Supporting Actor for
The French Connection, moved on to
Jaws and Marathon Man. Next, he spent
a year of his life making William Fried
Kin’s Sorcerer. the costly $23,000,000
rehash of the French action-adventure
classic Wages of Fear, a resounding flop

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that was eventually recut and rereleased,
more or less in disguise. Scheider will
put nothing on the record but kind
words about Friedkin, though he foot-
notes wryly, “They also came up with a
clever new title, if they can use it...
Wages of Fear.

Repeating his role as police chief
Martin Brody of Amity Island in Jaws 2
was hardly Scheider’s idea of an appro-
priate encore, “I tried every way I kr
to get out of it, short of being sued. 1
didn't want to try to top myself in a
sequel to one of the most successful films
of all time.” A change of director (John
Hancock out, replaced by Jeannot Szwarc
after three weeks of shooting), uncertain
weather, frequent script changes [rom at
least four dillerent writers, plus shifting
the filming location from Martha's Vine:
yard to the Florida coast—these are not

working conditions likely to relieve a
performers natural tension. Was he
nervous J

t all? ned right I was
snaps Scheider, "certainly in
níested waters like the Gulf of
xico, You could say it was trying.
Interminable might be the word. It was
like being in one of those minimum
security prisons." He bites off a line and
makes hi:
planting a left jab into an invi
opponent's solar plex

Roy makes a wry face when ques
tioned about rumors of contretemps be-
tween himself and Szw “Yeah, I had
my run-ins with him,” he allows. “My
feeling is that Jaws 2 will do all right at
the box office, though not as well as the
original. Three or four years have
passed; audiences are more sophisti
cated.”

While he's been getting moderately
ch on overtime, money ain't everything:
in Scheider's book. “I'm a $750,000-a-
picture actor, sure, plus I can ask for a
percentage now, though not a big per
centage, I don't really believe in some of
the astronomical figures actors are paid
these days. Yet when you read about
movies with budgets of $25,000,000.
$30,000,000, such outrageous sums can't
help but affect your attitude, You say,
‘Hell, it a studio can piss away th nd

of moi g a film, why not let ‘em
piss or
Roy and Cynthia, his second wife,

have a solid, volatile marriage reportedly
punctuated by fights, strong words and.
occasional periods of armistice, when
one or the other checks into a hotel to
cool off. Scheider readily verifies a story
that Cynthia—his toughest critic, as well
as an established film editor and maker
of documentaries—believes he lands all
the wrong parts but is destined to be a
major star in spite of himself.

“There was a time when producers
only offered me cops or tough guys. I get

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more varied scripts now, but the two
projects I like best are 1947, a comedy
for Steven Spielberg. and Legs, the story
of Legs Diamond. I'm gonna do them
both if they can be worked out. The first
one, 19/1, is like Mad, Mad World, an
outrageous farce about a real incident—
when two Japanese subs supposedly
came up off Santa Barbara and fired a
couple of volleys into California. The
whole state went absolutely bananas that
night. They had to go to the prop de
partment of Paramount to get guns and
ammo, because Paramount was making
war movies. I'm supposed to play Gen-
eral ‘Vinegar Joe’ Stilwell, who was
district commander at the time, at about
60."

Is the part of a 60-year-old general
consistent. with his newly won status as
a romantic leading man? “That's not a
leading man's shot, thats am actor's
shot,” Scheider replies. "I feel like an
artist who's been in a cage for about two
years, man, with projects that took up a
year each and were not what I hoped
they'd be for one reason or another. I
feel I'm at the top of my form and
should be shooting out in all directions.
So it’s like I've got a motor running, I
have got to move." And in no time flat,
the former boy from New Jersey was
sprinting off like a born contender.

FILM CLIPS

The Medusa Touch: Telekinesis, or the
Carrie syndrome—which was done to
death in Brian DePalma's The Fury—is
done to a turn by Richard Burton, Lee
Remick, Lino Ventura and a toprung
international cast in an cerie, intelligent.
British thriller directed by Jack Gold.
Burton, his fixed stare and sepulchral
tones working most effectively, plays a
man with “a gilt for disaster” who has
knocked off his Irish nanny, Mum and
Dad and progressed to heavy-duty stuff:
aumbling cathedrals, sabotaging space
shots and causing jumbo jets to crash.

The Amsterdam Kill: Robert Mitchum, as
a former narc, shuttles between Hong
Kong and Holland to find out why so
many Chinese heroin dealers are being
knocked off. Bloody as hell but com.
pletely scrutable and not hall bad.

The Seniors and Texas Detour: Both of
these B movies devote generous footage
to Priscilla Barnes, a promising blonde
beauty who doesn’t speak a word in The
Seniors, though she makes her consid
able presence felt as a girl installed
house shared by four college boys to be
the subject of their graduate study on
The Vaginal Connection; Sex and the
College Girl. Priscilla has more to do in
Detour, co-starred with Patrick Wayne
(the Duke's handsome son) in a standard
road melodrama abont young things ex-
posed to redneck sex and violence out
in God's country.

REVIEWS BY BRUCE WILLIAMSON

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ouble Fun (Island) is Robert Palmer's

fourth solo LP, and it continues in
the sex-funk groove of the first three.
There's even another suggestive cover to
give you a little jingle: Palmer in a swim-
ming pool, grinning, with two empty wet
bikinis lying on the deck near him.
Palmer is an accomplished and distinc-
tive singer. When his first solo LP,
Sneaking Sally Through the Alley, came
out, it had us jumping up and down and
foaming at the mouth: a new major
alent, etc, etc. But the follow-up
album, Pressure Drop, was underwhelm-
ing, and so is Double Fun. Palmer has
carved out special turf for himsell at the
center of a triangle formed by Litle
Feat, funk and reggac—but its often
better in theory than in practice. Many
of the nine cuts here are completely
forgettable—not bad but no sparks and
no magic. Two do have it: the old Kinks
winner You Really Got Me and a Palmer
original called You're Gonna Get What's
Comin’ that rolls and grows like the
landslide in the lyrics. But two for nine
isn't a good batting average even in
baseball.

.
There are a couple of rather straight-
forward piano recordings on hand that
cover over 60 years of music—everything
from ragtime to the theme music for
M*A*S*H-—entertainingly, sensitivel
creatively. Ken Werner is at the key
board for The Piono Music of Bix Beider-
becke, Duke Ellington, George Gershwin, James
P. Johnson (Finnadar) and he's a young
n who knows and respects his materi-

l all of which was written before he
was born. The Beiderbecke tracks arc
particularly appealing—Flashes, In a
Mist and In the Dark are beautiful, and.
as contemporary as anything being writ-
ten today—and the Ellington pieces are
nly slightly less evocative. Pianist John
Eaton, who has been paying his dues in
cocktail lounges for a long while, is
represented by it Seems Like Old Times
(Chiaroscuro). Oddly enough, the title
tune is probably the least successful item
on the agenda, But there are some real
delights—Tishomingo Blues, Django,
What Is This Thing Called Love and
Suicide Is Painless (the M*A*S*H
theme), 2 surprise entry that more than
holds its own in some very fast company.

Clarence Gatemouth Brown (Music Is Med-
icine) has been lying back for a long
time, while rock and soul musicians who
learned their stuff from n basked in
the spotlight. Now, with an LP that was
Obviously recorded as he wanted it,
Brown gets to show his indisputable
mastery of American music from blues
to blucgrass—and his instrumental. ver.
satility. His guitar lines are quick and

Double Fun: underwhelming.

Jazz standards by
Werner and Eaton;
Palmer disappoints.

ncisive on the up-tempo Pressure Cook-
er and Honey Boy, low-down and dirty
on Blackjack. His fiddle burns up the
landscape on Up Jump the Devil but
wails mournfully on Gate's Tune, a
country waltz, Take Me Back to Tulsa
finds him plunking the electric man
dolin; Street Corner is a harmonica
vehicle. Everything is delivered with
good-humored flashiness that does not di-
minish the content of the songs; Brown
will literally make you laugh one mo-
ment, cry the next. And we'd be remiss if
we didn't mention that his band is abso-
lutely fantastic: Don Buzard and Rod
Roddy nyone we've
heard on pedal steel and piano, respec
tively; Bobby Campo sparkles on a
variety of horns; and Leon Medica and
Jeff Pollard lay down the most solid and
sel sacrificing of beats, at any tempo.
.

There lot of second-opinion
jokes going around—you know, the kind
n which your doctor tells you one thing
and you want to check it out, so you ask
a second doctor. One variation goes lil
this: A lady has spent a great deal of
time with her shrink and finally he tells
her, “You are absolutely, completely,
totally crazy.” She, of course, becomes
rather agitated and says she wants an
opi The
es a tent of his fingers, thinks for a
moment and says, "All right. You're
ugly, too.

A lot of people think Barry Manilow
is the greatest. That's one opinion. Then
there's the second opinion: Barry Mani
low blows dead rats. His new album is
Even Now (Arista) and Clive Davis ought

€ as good as

are

oth ion. doctor

fully

to be ashamed—he's head of Arista
Records. Besides, Manilow has an ugly
nose, which protrudes across the cover
like a great zucchini. His voice has a cer-
tain ourof-tune, nagging quality to it,
like a woman on downers asking over and
over when you are going to take out the
garbage. The music itself is like a slimy,
fecal continuum that carries you alor
as if through the aisles of a supermar
bobbing along in the icy Quaalude surf.

"There remains the burning question
Did Manilow write the song, as the song
says? Well, with the exception of Sun-
rise, not the lyrics, anyway. They're
suitably awful, but someone else has to
take the blame for them.

s Kristofferson has had some prob-
lems with his records for several years.
As his movies got praised, his records
got panned. Once people believe you
are on a downhill slide, it’s tough to con-
vince them that you have turned things
around: It takes some kind of block-
buster hit to get a little attention. Eoster
Islend (Columbia) may not do it for him,
but it should. This is Kristofferson writ-
ing and singing at a level he hasn't
reached in a long time. The Bigger the
Fool (The Harder the Fall), co-written
with Stephen Bruton and Mike Utley, is
an affecting ballad that will probably be
covered by 47 other singers. The Sabre
and the Rose is a dark and bloody narra-
tive that sometimes betrays Kristoffer
son’s years as a grad student in English,
but mostly is just good poetry. Kristoffe
son does not have a distinguished voice,
but he always gives an intelligent read-
ing of the lyrics, and this time he
some intelligent words to sing.

SHORT CUTS
Dexter Wansel / Voyager (Philadelphia
International): Fleet rhythm and taste-

ful solos, including D.W.’s own super
synthesizer work, keep these heavily
arranged ballads and disco funk tunes
moving lightly.

Van McCoy / My Favorite Fantasy (MCA):
The man who wrote The Hustle sings
his articulate romantic ballads, with
orchestral backing; surprise, it's nice.

Crystal Gayle / I've Cried the Blue Right Out
of My Eyes (MCA): Rumor has it that
Crystal Gayle's next album will be You
Bleached the Blue Right Out of My Levis
and the Brown Right Out of My Shoes.

Muddy Waters / I’m Ready (Bluc Sky):
Muddys second collaboration with
Johnny Winter is another strong blues
set, laced with the classics—/’m Your
Hoochie Coochie Man, Rock Me, Good
Morning Little School Girl. Waters re-
mains as changeless as the Mississippi
and Winter sounds as if he's found a
home at last. They're both ready.

x COMING ATTRACTIONS >x

The Dating Game will re-
I to your TV sereen this fall as The
New Daling Game. Jim Lange will again
host, but the updated version promises
to be “faster-paced and racicr." . . . Alan
Bates has been signed to costar opposite
Bette Midler in The Rose... . In respons
to Randy Newman's Short People, midget
actor Billy Barty (3'9") has recorded a
song called Tall People. . .. Harcourt
is bringing out a translation of Günter
Grass's novel, The Flounder. The book,

Botes Namath

now in its sixth printing in Germany,
described as “filthy, Rabelaisian—
full of farts nels, etc." . . . Steve
Martin is working on a film called Easy
Money, in which he plays the adopted
son of black parents. . . . NBC is pre-
paring the longest miniseries ever—a
25-hour telefilm of James A. Micheners
Centennial, starring Barbara Carrera. . . .
Ryan O'Neal is back in the lead in Oliver's
Story, with Candice Bergen and Nicola
(Anna Karenina) Pagen playing the fe-
male leads. .

- Lauren Bacall is working
on her memoirs for Knopf. Sources say

she's writing it herself. . . . Recently
retired gridiron pro Joe Namath will p

Americ: ilitary agent in Ava-
lanche Express, co-starring Lee Marvin and
Robert Shaw. Namath also has a couple
ol TV projects in the works. . . . Dustin
Hoffman and Lily Tomlin will probably co-
in Paramounts musical Popeye,
Dusty as the spinach-guzzling sailor, Lily
as his girl, Olive Oyl. . . . Jean Didion is
working on a nonfiction book, "an ex-
tended essay about the idea of
forn she says. . . . Mike Nichols will
direct the filin version of 4 Chorus Line,
set for 1980 release. .. . Tony Curtis has
been signed to star in ABC's telefilm of
Joyce Haber's novel, The Users.

PUNK BUNI an Francisco radio sta-
tion KSAN held a contest in which
listeners were asked to come up with
names for punk-rock bands. Some of the
best entries: Adolf Hitler & the Casuals,
Exlax & the Shitkickers, The Undone
Abortions, Groin Scabs & Drums, Son
of Spam and The Dorks.

VOICES FROM THE PAST: No wonder
Erica Jong has been so reticent about
her latest project, a novel she's been
researching [or the past two years.

Unaware that it's set a couple of cer
turies back in time, someone asked her
it were autobiographical. Sure, replied
Jong kiddingly, it’s the autobiography
of a previous life. Next thing she knew,
a reporter from the National Enquirer
was asking for the exclusive account of
“her Bridey Murphy breakthrough.
The novel isn’t due until nest year
nd will most likely be preceded by
a fourth book of poems, At the Edge of
the Body, which she describes as a c
plete departure. Meanwhile, the man in
her lile, writer Jonathan Fast, is excited
over the $3,000,000 budget set aside by
CBS to make his sci-fi novel, The Secrets
of Synchronicity, into a lour-hour mini-
series next scason. The teleflick, tenta
tively titled The Prisoner of Space, will
be loaded with special effects to create
such illusions as a planet inhabited by
100,000 giant snakes.
.

AN UNHARRIED MAN: Director Paul Ma-
zursky says that the only other actress
he approached for the lead in 4n Un-
married Woman, before giving it to Jill
Clayburgh, was Jane Fonda. “She said she
didn't want to do a film about a typical
housewife,” says Mazursky. "I think she
was being a bit literal about what is or is
not political in a mo ^s for new
projects, says Mazursky, "I'm trying to
rite something about two good friends

Jong Mazursky

in New York who have a mutual gir
friend. Is mot autobiography. I also
have a first draft of a modern version
ol The Tempest that I've been working
on for a long time.

found it en-
ly get into a person's
David Bowie about
his latest film role, that of a young
F officer who returns destitute
to Berlin after World War One and be-
comes a gigolo. “L was frightened of
expressing any kind of emotion in The
Man Who Fell to Earth, but 1 feel very
much at home with this character.”
Set for fall release, Just a Gigolo
was directed by David (Blow-Up) Hem-
mings and co-stars Kim Novek and Marlene

Dietrich. "It's a lightly ironic, tongue-in-
check treatment of the period,” says
Hemmings. "For instance, we have

Brownshirts who march out of step. We

explode the myth of Germanic organi-
zation.” Gigolo was filmed in Berlin,
where Bowie has lived for the past two.
years and where he recorded his last
lbum, Heroes. In his next film after
Gigolo, Bowie will play the part of ex-
pressionist painter Egon Schiele.
.

SEQUELMANIA: Warner Bros. and
MGM will team up to produce a sequel
to The Goodbye Girl, slated to roll in
y of 1979. So far, most of the major

Dreyfuss

Jogger

talent involved in the original has been
signed lor the second one: Richard Drey-
fuss, Marsha Mason and Quinn Cummings will
again star, Herb Ross will direct and.
natch—Neil Simon will pen the script.
Sources close to the production say the
screenplay "will take the Dreyfuss char
acter to Hollywood and Mason and
Cummings will follow him out there.
Ross will also direct the film of non's
hit play California Suite, starring—and
how's this for a whiz-bang cast?—Alan
Alda, Jone Fonda, Richard Pryor, Michael Caine,
Bill Cosby, Walter Matthau, Elaine May and
Maggie Smith. Wow!

.
CHECKING IN WITH HAL: "Chances are
FH do The Hawkline Monster. next,"

says director Hal (Coming Home) Ashby.
lked to Jack Nicholson about it and
nt very much to do this one to-
gether." Monster is a Gothic Western by
Richard Brautigan—a comedy set at the
tum of the century. "Em also interested
in directing Stranger in a Strange Land,
Robert Heinlein's book about a man from
Mars in present-day America. I'd like to
get Mick Jagger to star in the picture.
Jagger should go toward film now: that’s
the logical next step for him. He'd be
fantastic in this role." Jagger, inciden-
tally, has been approached to star
film based on the life of Anton
called Wings of Ash.

FROM WAx TO PIX: The Eagles arc ne-
gotiating with producer Roy Stark to
e a film based on their 1973 album
Desperado. If all goes well, the boys will
write some fresh tunes for the flick and
possibly even appear onscreen in bit
roles. Meantime, there's another album
in the works and an extensive U.S.
tour planned for this summei

yous news. ED

PLAYBOY

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THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR

Wy do they name hurricanes after
women? I would think that the women’s
movement would object to such obyious
sexism. Or maybe some male liberation
group, seeking equal time. Why don't
they name a few men?—
D. H., Miami, Florida.

Hurricanes are named by an interna-
tional committee (since the giant storms
are international events). The rest of the
world does nol share our enlightened
attitude loward gender: Perhaps it feels
that hell hath no fury like a woman
scorned, and if we didn't gel the storm's
name right, we'd really be in trouble. It
might interest you to know that some
members of the women's movement have
started a campaign to name blizzards
after men. Their reasoning: “A snow-
storm is just like a man; you never kn
just how many inches you're going to get
or how long the bastard's going to last.”
Given the severity of the past two win-
ters, we think we can live with the honor.

storms after

By the time school starts in the fall,
1 plan to have enough moncy to finally
buy a car; but by then I'll also be switch:
ing to a part-time job, so money will be
a little short during the school year. My
question is, just how much should I ex-
pect to pay for the car's upkeep?—A. M.,
Cleveland, Ohio.

Keep in mind the two axioms of car
ownership: (1) Autos cost approximately
20 percent more than you've got in your
bank account; and (2) they break down
only when you are least able to afford
repair costs. With that, we refer you to
the annual study of the Hertz Gar Leas-
ing Division, which keeps track of such
things as operational costs. It estimates
the cost of operating a two-door inter-
mediate automobile kept for three years
and driven 10,000 miles a year at about
30 cents a mile, or $3000 per annum. A
subcompact driven the same way will
save you ubout $700 to $2300 a year. Ex-
penses included in the estimates are gas
and oil, service, paris, repairs, laxes, li-
censes, interest, depreciation and insur-
ance. Insurance costs, despite the energy
crisis, have risen the fastest, going up
some 61 percent since 1975. The esti-
mates do not include such accessories as
fuzzy dice for your rearview mirror, a
raccoon tail for the antenna or Big Macs
to fuel the girl in the passenger seat.

About a year ago, 1 went on a date
with an Army drill sergeant. As he was
23 years old and divorced, with one child,
1 assumed he would be more mature than
the other GIs | had known, who had
been anything but mature. He was a
charming person, and eventually the

subject of sex—and birth control—was in
troduced. He told me not to worry about
birth control, since, and I quote, “I won't
let you come and a woman can't get
pregnant unless she comes.” When I re-
covered from my shock, I told him that
ide [rom being a selfish attitude, it

wasn't true. I don't think he believed
me and, as we soon came up with ar

other means of birth control, the subject
was dropped. But please do all the will-
be fathers a favor and explain whether
the "don't come" theory is right or
wrong. By the way, he was as stupid in
bed as he was out—Miss C. B, New
York, New York.

With reasoning like that, it’s a sure
bet that your friend is headed for the
Pentagon. Two wrongs do not make a
right—as his former wife probably found
out. Maybe that's why we lost in Vietnam,

Thais past winter, 1 had to go to Marti
nique on business. I fortuitously made
the acquaintance of a lovely lady of the
Parisian persuasion. To ensure later that
1 wasn't dreaming, I took quite a few
pictures of her. Most of these were back-
lit, because the sun was too strong shin
ing into her face. The exposure on the
background was perfect, but her figure
became a mere silhouette. Maybe God
was punishing me for haying too good
a time, What did 1 do wrong? Can you
give me any tips for shooting on the
beach, so my mistake won't be repeat-
ed?—M. B., Chicago, Illinois.

Very simply, the rule is: When the
sun is behind your subject, expose for

the shadows. In a back-lighting situation,
the meter reading is often misleadin,
The sun tends to produce too high an
exposure reading compared with the
shadow area on a person's face, Although
many 35mm through-the-lens meters ave
center weighted (i.e., taking most of the
teading from the center of the frame),
light from behind the subject can throw
the reading off. To get the detail in your
lovely lady's face, move in close and take
a reading about six inches from her
skin (that shouldn't be such a hardship)
or from her clothes, if she's wearing any
Use this exposure when you shoot. If
your camera is automated, switch to the
manual override or the built-in meter
will defeat the best-laid plans. One final
note: We assume that you keep a sky-
light filter on your camera at all times to
protect the lens. In shadow shootings,
the skylight will also add a warming tone
to your lady's skin.

have just bought a 1978 Thunderbird
nd the girl I'm dating is car-fucking
crazy. She goes wild when she gets into
it. Usually, in my old car, we would go
out into the country and pull off some
deserted road and fuck up a storm. In
the past few weeks, she’s been acting
strange. When I pick her up—whether
its night or day—she doesn't even get
into the front seat with me anymore.
She just jumps into the back and before

you know it, her shirt and pants
are gone. She doesn't even give me time
to leave the city. What should 1 do
about this problem?— T. Y., Seattle,

Washington.
Hire a chauffeur.

[Not long ago, 1 picked up a very lovely
woman in a bar on New York's East
Side, We seemed to get along very well,
nd it was unusually easy to convince
her to leave with me. 1 was somewhat
surprised when she suggested we return
to her apartment. This elegant lady had
me in bed with her before 1 knew what
had happened, before I had a chance to
make advances on my own. In a very
sensuous manner, she began asking me
to perform various sexual acts that
would please her. I eagerly complied,
only to have her smile sweetly and
whisper that 1 wasn't doing things to
ing. Suddenly, without my realiz-
ing it, she had slipped what seemed to
be homemade bonds made of satin
around my wrists and ankles. (I thought
she was simply nervously twisting the
loose bed sheet around me.) Finding my-
self bound securely, I started to worry.
She grinned and said, "You didn't do
very well. For punishment, l'm going

her li

PLAYBOY

to torture you by tickling you with my
long fingernails.” Well. she had very
long nails and proceeded to tickle me
h them. For least 45 minutes. She
literally put my squirming body into
spasms, and, much to my surprise, I
reached an unbelievable orgasm. As a
result of that experience, I find any kind
of sex without this added deviation
boring. Unfortunately, I have been un-
able to get in touch with the incredible
woman who introduced me to the diver-
i unusual to have a longing to
be tickled by a woman's long finger-
nails? I actually find myself looking at a
woman's hands to sce how long her nails
are before I look at her face. Is this fetish
common?—R. G., New York, New York.

What's the name of that bar? Oh,
never mind. We've heard of this fetish.
Actually, all things considered, it's fairly
effective. Women will probably be
charmed when you detour the normal
glance at the breast for a close study of
their fingernails. If a woman doesn’t
meet your expectations, you can gallant-
ly offer her some falsies. And if you
can't meet anyone to fulfill your dreams,
go home and masturbate with a back-
scvatcher,

always thought that tennis was a
ly recently developed game, but in
a conversation I had a while ago, a friend
id it had been around since before the
turn of the century. How old is tennis2—
R. A. San Francisco, Califor

It is said that Kunta Kinte had alrcady
perfected a mean forehand smash before
being invited on his pleasure cruise to
the New World. But, actually, the roots
of tennis go back further than that. The
game has been played in one form or
another since around the 12th Century.
Modern tennis, the game closest to the
one we play, was developed in England
by Major William Wingfield in 1873.
The game has gone through considerable
changes over the years. For instance,
today's strings are a far cry from the orig-
inal materials, which included the intes-
tines of horses, mules, asses and goal
The Roaring Twenties brought a return
lo elegance in the form of silk strings.
Major Wingficld's game, too, was pretty
sedate compared with the slam-bang con-
test of today. It wasn't until 1877, for
example, that the volley was invented.
Spencer Gore, the first Wimbledon sin-
gles champion, was responsible for the
shot (from the French volée, mean-
ing "on the fly") Gore’s enthusiasm
sometimes led him to hit the ball even
before it crossed the net. Luckily, the
very next year, P. Frank Hadow (remem-
ber him?) managed to wipe out Gore
with his invention of the lob, which left
Gore looking pretty silly at the net. It
wasn’t until 1881, however, that William
Renshaw developed a suitable return for
the lob, the overhead smash. After that,
things quieted down a little until the

Seventies, when Jimmy Connors invented
his devastating fanny wiggle. So much
for history.

Cin you seule a debate that I've been
having with several of the girls at work?
They insist that when a woman has an
orgasm, she ejaculates a small amount
of colorless, odorless fluid. As proof of
the phenomenon, they point to ancient

pornographic texts. All of the racy
Victorian novels I've read contain
mention of women "spending" at the

moment of orgasm. It’s my impression
from reading Kinsey and Masters that
female ejaculation is a myth. What
the true story?—Miss D. S., San Diego,
Californ

Welcome to the debate: it's been going
on for centuries. When a woman be-
comes excited, the walls of the vagina
secrete a fluid—it is the first sign of
coilal readiness. Kinsey, confronting
the female-ejaculation question, con-
cluded that “muscular contractions of
the vagina following orgasm may squeeze
out some of the genital secretions and in
a few cases eject them with some force.
This is frequently referred to, particular-
ly in the deliberately erotic literature,
as an ejaculation in the female, but the
term cannot be strictly used in that con-
nection.” Havelock Ellis, years earlier,
found that some women became so ex-
cited during gynecological examinations
that they produced an ejaculation of
fluid “sometimes described as being
emitted in a jet which is thrown lo a
distance.” (Next thing you know, they'll
be able to write their names in the
snow.) E. Grafenberg noted that cases
of involuntary expulsion of urine some-
limes accompanied orgasm, but in the
cases he observed, the fluid was es
amined and “it had no urinary char-
acter.” Now a new chapter to the debate
has been written. In the February 1978
issue of the Journal of Sex Research,
J- L. Sevely and J. W. Bennett review
all of the literature on female cjacula-
lion from Aristotle to Masters and
Johnson. They conclude that the female
possesses glands similar to the male
prostate (the male prostate secretes
ihe fluid that constitutes much of the
male ejaculate). The female prostate
glands ave located near the opening of
the urethra and apparently produce a
fluid during intercourse. In most cases,
this fluid mingles with normal lubricat-
ing fluids, but apparently in some wom-
en, il is more pronounced. The authors
conclude that the topic needs move re-
search. We agree. Dr. Watson, fetch our
flashlight and magnifying glass.

IN that Carter has declared war on
the three martini lunch, I figure it's time
to start practicing for the new Prohibi
tion. What kinds of nonalcoholic drinks
are acceptable at business lunches and
after-work dates? Is there any way to

der a standard drink minus alcohol
without revealing the fact that you're on
the wagon?—]. R., New York, New York.
The drink that is flooding both coast
is Perrier (mineral water) and lime. It
loohs like a vodka and tonic and costs.
about the same, so maybe your partners
won't notice that you're still sober on
the way back to the office. There are, of
course, the classic nonalcoholic coch-
tails—the Shirley Temple, the Hopalong
Cassidy and the virgin. mary. If anyone
questions your order, explain that you're
on a nostalgia trip or that it's part of
your religion. There is a regional phrase
that indicates a dry drink—if you order
a salty dog “for the money,” you'll get
just grapefruit juice with a salted rim.
Of course, you might get a waiter who
thinks for the money means you aren't
using your credit card, but one sip and
you can correct the situation. Cheers.

WWhord has come back to me that sev-
eral of my recent partners in bed have
developed symptoms that resemble vene-

disease. They have complained
bout an itching sensation in the geni-
tals, as well as pain on urination. Some
of them have experienced a gray-green
discharge. I had myself checked for gon-
orrhea, but the tests were negative. If it’s
not V.D., what is Can I get it or,
worse, am I the person giving it to my

girliriendsz—H. W., Dallas, Texas.
Congratulalions. You may be the

proud carrier of a parasitic infection
known as trichomoniasis. It is the most
prevalent venereal discase in the country.
Doctors estimate that there
2,300,000 cases of trichomoniasis last
year, compared with 1,000,000 reported
cases of gonorrhea and 20,000 reported
cases of syphilis. The disease is caused
by a parasite—the little bugger is tena-
cious but can be offed with a dose of
metronidazole (Flagyl). Unfortunately, it
tends to seek asylum in unsuspecting
males. Men can carry the parasite and
veinfect their partners without ever. ex-
periencing symptoms. The only way to
prevent a ping-pong effect is to treat the
male and the female at the same time.
The treatment is relatively painless—you
do have to go on the wagon for about a
week (alcohol and metronidazole do not
mix). If you and your girlfriend(s) go
through this together, you won't have to
go through it again, and that should
give you something to celebrate.

were

All reasonable questions—from fash-
ion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars
to dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette:
will be personally answered if the writer
includes a stamped, self-addressed en-
velope. Send all letters to The Playboy
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michi-
gan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. The
most provocative, pertinent queries will
be presented on these pages each month.

refreshing taste
you can get
in any cigarette:

fine, =

ee ii Vo. aped mr oe —
0 wonder its Americas 1 menthol:

Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined ig

That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous toYour Health.

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ANHEUSER BUSCH. INC.» ST LOUIS

THE PLAYBOY SEX POLL

an informal survey of. current sexual. attitudes, behavior and. insights

At the astonishing rate we're going,
kids may soon experience their sexual
initiation somewhere betwecn their fifth
arid tenth birthdays, give or take a few
baby teeth. Without a doubt, one of the
most startling sexual changes in Amer-
ican society has been the consistently
younger age at which virginity is aban-
doned. Every time another study is done
on this phenomenon, the results come
out a stunner, Soon, a girl's deflowering
will have about as much significance as
the arrival of her first two-wheeler—and
for a boy, a more memorable experience
might be his first black eye.

But erotic high points aren't meas-
ured only by firsts, There is usually at
least one other dazzling incident, apart
from our initial fuck, so powerful and so
profound that it becomes, in itself, an
event that thrusts us into a whole new
sexual phase, These carnal crossroads are
unmapped territory, because people
hardly ever discuss the specifics. We de-
cided to bring this subject out into the
open. We polled 100 men and 100 women
and solicited responses from PLAYBOY
readers. Here are the results,

Q LADIES, OTHER THAN
LOSING, THEIR VIRGINITY,
WHAT DO YOU THINK MOST
MEN WOULD SAY WAS AN IM-
PORTANT SEXUAL TURNING
POINT IN THEIR LIVES?

Twentyseven percent of the women
guessed that the majority of men would
y the first time they had had fellatio:
5o crucial is getting their dicks sucked
that I think it was the ultimate event in
their lives other than being born.”
“Cunts are OK, However, after males
have been with an expert cocksucker like
myself, the mouth is thc masterpiece God
put there much more for pleasure than
for talking.

Twenty percent of the women believed
that men’s turning point occurred with
an experienced older lover: "Sex is just
one huge fumble for most boys until one
of us canny bigsister types blows their
minds by showing them all the outra
geous things two bodies can do.”

Fourteen. percent of the women felt
that men would say a key change had
occurred after an S/M session: “If it
were possible, the men of America would
vote to enslave all the fuckable girls they
could catch. Tying up chicks and totally

SEXUAL TURNIING
POINTS

mastering them is such a. powerful aph-
rodisiac that an awful lot of guys never
recover from that experience.
Twelve percent of the women guessed
that fucking a female in the ass was a
crucial event: “So many males are always
tying to shove their cocks up the wrong
hole. Even though | explain that I don't
enjoy it, they keep on trying. That's led
me to believe that making a chick give
in to ass fucking, which means inflicting
some sort of pain mixed with passion,
must have been such an incredibly c
static moment in a man's sexual develop-
ment that he becomes obsessed with
Nine percent of the women believed
that most men were transformed by
group sex, while seven percent felt that
for the majority of guys, making it with
a woman they loved was their most im-
portant moment.
Six percent were sure that men’s sex
es changed after making it with ag
gressive women: “A light dawns in the
male brain when they find themselves

with a girl who insists on being domi-
nant, The neon sign says, ‘It is fun to
just lie here and be passive." They come
like cannon balls.
Five percent said it was when men
discovered that women dug sex, too.
.

a MEN, OTHER THAN LOS-
ING YOUR VIRGINITY, WHAT
WAS AN IMPORTANT SEXUAL
TURNING POINT IN YOUR
LIVES?

Twenty-nine percent of the men said
it was the first time they had had fel-
latio: “When I was 11 years old, my
folks still insisted on leaving me with a
baby sitter. I consented, because I had a
crush on her. She was a freckle-faced
15-year-old tomboy. Although we never
kissed or necked, we did the next best
thing. We wrestled a lot. I always let her
win. because she absolutely hated to lose
and would make me go to slecp early if
she did. One night, I had her head in a
scissors grip between my Icgs and, no
matter what she tried, 1 decided not to
let her go. I was in my pajamas. Finally,
she reached up and pulled down the bot-
toms and grabbed my cock in her mouth
and sucked and licked until I let go.
She kept at it until I couldn't stand it,
which she loved. I preter coming in girls’
mouths, and I figure it's because of that
baby sitter

Twenty-two percent of the men told
us that their turning point had been
with an experienced older woman: “This
older lady on my paper route taught me
how to be the great lover I am today by
talking to me about wild ideas and say
ing lots of fourletter words while we
balled. Now I like teaching young girls
in the same way.”

Thirteen percent of the men ex
plained that a key change had occurred
after an S/M session: “I turned on to
S/M after reading the Story of O. I
thought the book was beautiful. Shortly
afterward, I became involved with an O
type. I still like regular sex, too, but
there's something overpowering about
having a naked chick chained down in
spread-eagle position and simply using
her in any way that enters my mind."

Twelve percent of the men felt that
making it with a woman they loved had.
been their most important moment other
than losing their virginity: “As soon as I
figured out the difference between mak-
ing love and getting laid, I preferred the

PLAYBOY

former and settled for the latter only
when I couldn't get it on in a deep way."
Six percent of the men said that mas-
turbation had been a milestone, while
another six percent told us their cru-
cial event had been fucking a woman
in the ass: "What drove me wild was the
fact that it was so tight. It automatically.
grabbed me and pulled and I felt like
a greasy cork continually going in and
out of this gorgeous wine bottle until I
popped. No cunt ever gave me that kind.
of superb friction."
ive percent said having a sexually
aggressive woman had been a landmark
and an equal number cited group sex.
Two percent recalled a night with a
prostitute: “I felt I owned that chick.
She had to do everything to me that I
demanded, Other women can always ri
fuse. "That's why I still use callgirls every
now and then.”

a MEN, OTHER TH LOS-
ING THEIR VIRGINITY, WHAT
DO YOU THINK MOST WOMEN
WOULD SAY WAS AN IMPOR-
TANT SEXUAL TURNING
POINT IN THEIR LIVES?

Twenty-one percent of the men
guessed that the majority of women were
changed by their first orgasm: "Vitamin
F is essential to a growing girl's life, but
vitamin O really makes her mature. Once
she knows that a deep joyous release is
the prize, she'll never settle for anything
less."

Eighteen percent of the men thought
that multiple orgasms brought about
most women's turning point: “They real-
ize just how much power is contained in
that one little nub of pink flesh, and it
gives them such a sense of confidence.

Fifteen percent of the men believed.
that women were transformed by an ex-
perienced older lover mature lover
knows how to play to a girl's body as
well as her romantic spirit; wining and
dining her, giving flowers and loosening
her up with affection, so that sex is
extraspecial. No lass can resist that nor
fail to get relaxed enough to hit new
plateaus of feelin

Twelve percent of the men felt that
most women would say their sexual
turning point had been becoming more
gressive in bed: “When a woman dis-
covers her own sexual aggression, she also
nds out how much pleasure she's en-
titled to ask for in bed, instead of keep-
ing to the traditional role of lying back
e a man

and hoping she's satisfied wh
gets his rocks oll.
Eleven percent of the men guessed

iu above all else, cunnilingus was the

key experience. Nine percent of the men
believed that female turning points in-
volved $/M.

Five percent thought women were
moved by vibi , while the rest of the

men cited exhibitionism, ass fucking and.
group sex as turning points for women.
.

Q: LADIES, OTHER THAN
LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY,
WHAT WAS AN IMPORTANT
SEXUAL TURNING POINT IN
YOUR LIVES?

Twenty-four percent of the women
said it had been the first time they had
an orgasm: “I had my number-one c
max five years before a guy broke my
cherry. It was a man's bicycle that
brought me to ecstasy. I was riding down
a hill and leaned forward over the ba
That little nub in the front of my jeans
was pressed against my clit, and the
excitement built as the speed did. When
I reached the bottom and settled back
on the seat, waves of excitement shot
through me so intensely I. nearly fell off
the cycle. I'll never forget i

Twelve percent of the women ex-
plained that their turning point had
involved S/M: "It was with my second
lover—someone who worked in the same
office I did. We started having an affair.
One night, as he was undressing me, he
suddenly whipped off my tights and used
them to tie my hands to his headboard.
Then he blindfolded me and yanked
my legs apart. He began doing all these
sensuous things to my body with fur
pillows, fingernails, his ha . . alter-
mating between stroking me and biting
me. I don't think I've ever been so
aroused since then."

Ten percent of the women explained
that multiple orgasms had brought about
their turning point: “I initially had ‘em
when one lover calmly played with my
clit for nearly an hour while unfamiliar
yearning sensations began igniting in my
cunt. When I finally released all the
sexual ten: the resultant volley of
big bangs was a milestone.”

Ten percent of the women said that
making it with a man they loved had
been their most important moment other
than Josing their virginity. Eight percent
told us their sexual turning point had
been when they became more aggressive
in bed. Eight percent explained that
cunnilingus had been the key experience
nd seven percent said that masturbation
been a milestone: “My early lovers
used to call my clit the "panic button,”
because every time they'd try to play me
there, I'd panic from the powerful sen-
I decided to do some-
thing about the situation. One morn
rly, I lay on the floor and tenta
vely started exploring myself. When
those panicky vibes started, I forced my-
self to continue and, sure enough, man-
aged to come like crazy. Boy, did I feel
silly for my fears."

Six percent of the women told us they
had bcen transformed by an older expe-
rienced lover, while another six percent

said that using a vibrator had changed
them: "When a long-term partner used a
vibrator on me one day, I enjoyed it so
much more than all the sexual experi
ences I'd ever had with men that I went
right out and bought one for myself and
broke off the relationship.”

Five percent fondly cited learning
how to give head, while four percent
recalled anal sex: “It was like losing my
virginity all over again. But better than
that, it was discovering that I had three
holes for fun and games when I thought
T'd had only two."

Summary: If you look at our statistics,
you'll see a glaring difference between
the two sexes’ answers, Virtually one
quarter of the women told us that w
had transformed them was the discovery
that they could have an orgasm. How-
ever, none of the males found their own
Big Os remarkable enough to mention

Almost a third of the men said that a
turning point had occurred when a wom-
gave them their first blow job. They
felt free to relax while some gal tongued
them to ecstasy. With our female pollecs,
this milestone of the mouth hardly ever
emerged in their answers.

We were also intrigued with the role
that experienced, usually older lovers
played in sparking sexual breakthroughs
for the men in our poll It was their
second largest category. Guys have to
learn somewhere—yet they have been
brought up to [ecl extremely uncomfort-
able talking with other males about
their sexual ignorance and insecurities.
With an experienced woman a man can
be vulnerable and learn without losing
face, which would have happencd if he'd
admitted his inexpertise to his buddies.

"The knowledgeable lover was men-
tioned by only a few of the women we
talked to. They are used to having the
male be the guide—it is not likely to
be a turning point for them.

One of the overall realizations we
le conducting this survey was
that although you lose your virginity
only once, there isn't only one sexual
turning point. Almost all the people we
polled explained that if we'd posed our
question a couple of years ago, thei
sponses would have been different from
what they were now. And if asked sev-
eral years from now, there probably
would be yet other answers

An invitation to readers: So much for
indoor sports. Now let's find out about
the other kind. Is freestyle skiing an
aphrodisiac? Does a session of coed rac
quetball get your rocks off? Here are our
al questions: What sport is the
sexiest to play or watch? and What do
you think the opposite sex will say is the
sexiest sport? Send your replies to The
Playboy Reader Sex Poll, 919 North
Michigan Ave., Chicago, Il. 60611.

—HOWARD SMITH AND LESLIE HARLIB

came to w

re-

SEX POLL FEEDBACK

our readers respond to sex polls past

SUPERSEX

Iam a female, 22 years old, and I have
been sexually active since I was 16.

I have always found that the one in-
gredient that raises sex from great to
fantastic (Playboy Sex Poll, March 1978)
is my partner. I am very choosy about
my partners; handsome guys with lean,
hard bodies (and nice small asses!). Once
or twice, a guy hasn't lived up to his
looks and has turned out to be an inept
lover, or the chemistry just isn’t there,
and then my heart just isn’t and it
becomes something less than satisfactory.

When I was younger, I was told by a
man, “If you can't be good, be enthus
astic!” which seems to be good advice.
Most of my lovers have commented on
this, saying, "You seem to enjoy sex so
much more than most women, J can al-
ways tell when you have an orgasm." As
far as I know, that is all I do that is
different, but never having seen any
other woman make Iove (except in porno
movies), I don't know what other wom-
en do.

We were discussing the poll questions
at the office this morning and my boss (a
man) said that the more the woman
enjoys sex, the better it makes the man
feel. He says it is an ego builder and it
makes him feel like a great lover if the
woman really enjoys it—Miss S. A. S,
Chicago, Illinois.

AFTER SEX, WHAT?

How do I feel after sex (May)? Lately,
T've been having sex with an old and very
dear friend and lover, so. of course, the
love between us is very strong. When we
have sex, only about two or three times
a month, it is so incredible (after years
of practice) and consuming that we are
both totally exhausted. (We can usually
come simultaneously.) I love to have his
full weight draped across me or mine
across him after we finish, 1 love to kiss
his neck and shoulders and hug him to
my breast. I want to pull him farther
into me.

However, il I happen to be with a
ual date or someone I have just
picked up in a club or night spot, I
usually want to be alone with my fce
ings. (A large bed helps. You cam sidle
over to the other side.) After sex with a
stranger (provided 1 have come satis-
factorily), 1 want to just lie there and
watch my nipples lose their erections
and watch my skin ungoose-bump.

Sometimes I wish my partners could

just disappear into thin air and leave
me alone. I sometimes feel so tactilely
heightened that just a hand on my stom-
ach becomes unbearable, intrusion.

How do I think a man feels after sex?
Just about the same. H he digs the lady,
he feels super and wants to feel physi-
cally close to her and affectionate. He'll
probably want to rest for a while and
then start again. If ivs with a casual
acquaintance or with a pickup, he prob-
ably wants to go home or have the
woman go home. Unless, of course, he
wants to wait until moming, but by then
the glow of mystery and late-night de-
lights may have faded. It seems men
like to leave before the final act. The
morning after, as it were.

The older a man gets, the more he
demands in terms of affection and the
less in terms of novelty. An older guy
wants you to just hug him and not say
anything right after sex. You can be raw
and vulnerable alter sex or you can feel
diabolically powerful.—Miss H. M., New
York, New York.

In response to your May Poll:
I feel good alter sex. I smile. I feel like
laughing, talking, jumping up and down
screaming. (The same way I feel during
sex, almost!) My boyfriend feels like fall-
ing asleep. He succumbs to the post-
ejaculation sleepies, Rapidly. I think
most men do.—Miss R. L., Providence,
Rhode Island.

SEX AND INTELLIGENCE

1 love the Sex Polls and, for the first
time in my life, would like to become a
statistic. With regard to the reader invi-
tation in the March issue, I do believe
that smart better. In bed, anyway.
ery one of the sexual episodes or affairs
that I truly remember was with a really
bright woman. Two incidents stand ou
One involved a lady doctoral candidate,
a Libra with a mind like a Swiss watch.
One evening, we went to a New Year's
Eve party at an elegant old: money home.
She wore an antiquelace wedding dress
with not a stitch on under it, Of course,
from a distance, you could see her bush.
We wandered into the library on the sec-
ond floor of the three-story home. She
stripped off the wedding dress and we
mide it on the floor of the library on a
en Oriental carpet. She had a 130 1.Q.
The second episode I recall was with a
real genius—she had an 1.Q. of 170-180.
We lived together for two years. We
made love in the top of an 80-foot tree
on a platform tree house in the spring.
We fucked in rainstorms until we
steamed. We made love on the frozen
surface of a river, We made love in the
closet of a Unitarian church. Once, I
stripped her and tied her hands over her
head and whipped her with thin sapling
branches until she came. We invented a
double-dildo arrangement so she could
fuck me and see what it was like to be a
man and I could see what it was like to
be a woman. I would put ice cubes up
her ass and then fuck her while they
melted. Once, we made love in the back
of a pickup truck crosing Montana on
Interstate 90. Another time, we made it
on the sliding board of a Montessori
school. Once, we were at a dinner honor-
ing Malcolm Cowley. She undid my trou-
sers and jacked me off at the table,
digging her fingernails deep into the tip
of my cock at the crucial moment. This
during polite dinner conversation and
split-pea soup—never batting an eye and.
drinking wine with the other hand.
When Cowley rose to leave, everyone
else stood. I couldn't, because there were
come stains all over my trousers. I used
to enjoy taking her shopping and fucking
her in the dressing room, where she was
supposed to be tying on clothes. We
were caught at this once. My motto:
Seek your own level and you'll have
more fun with sex.—F. H.,

California.

PLAYBOY

At last. A little cartridge camera
that does what the big cameras do.

The one and only Minolta 110 Zoom SLR.

Those little 110 cartridge-loading
cameras give you lots of conven-
ience, but not much versatility.

Big single lens reflex cameras
give you lots of versatility, but
may be more than you want to
carry around.

Here'sanew kind of camera that
gives you the best of both worlds:
the little Minolta 110 Zoom SLR

How little is it?

Only5.3 inches wide by 4.3 inches
deep by 2.1 inches high. And it
weighs only 15.1 ounces. You can
carry it anywhere.

How easy is it to load?
Use drop-in film cartridges for
color slides or color or black-and-
white snapshots. You just slip in
thecartridge. The camera sets the
filmspeedautomatically including
the new super-fast ASA 400.

it's a reflex camera.

A single lens reflex camera means
that you look through the lens
that's taking the picture. So you
see beforehand what your slides

110 Zoom SLR. There s ne

REM Ms

or prints will be like.

Focusing is through the lens,
also. Its quick and easy because
of a microprism circle that breaks
up the image until it's perfectly
clear.. and in focus

And when you look through the
viewfinder, you'll also see glow-
ing lights which tell you if your bat-
teries are O.K. and warn of over
or under exposure

Zoom lens.
This handy feature lets you zoom
inforabiggerimage or zoom back
to get more into the scene. And
it's built into the camera, not an
extra-cost accessory.
Close-up lens.
For even closer shots, theres a
built-in "macro" lens that lets you
take pictures as close to your sub-
ject as 11.3 inches.
Automatic exposure, too.

You just choose a lens opening
and the 110 Zoom SLR selects
the precise shutter speed you
need, automatically, anywhere

ver been a camera like it.

from an action-stopping 1/1000th
of a second to a full 10 seconds.
And there's an "override" control
for unusual lighting situations.
Automatic flash.
Slip the optional
Minolta Auto
Electroflash 25
onto the 110
Zoom SLR and
you've got an
automatic elec-
tronicflash cam-
era that you can
hold in the palm of your hand.
You'llneverneed flashbulbs again.

The 110 Zoom SLR even comes
with its own rubber lens shade to
keep stray light from interfering
with your pictures. And theres a
safety lock to keep you from tak-
ing pictures accidentally.

If you'd like to know more about
this revolutionary little camera,
see your photo dealer or write
Minolta Corporation, 101 Williams
Drive, Ramsey, N.J. 07446.

“eT

THE PLAYBOY FORUM

a continuing dialog on contemporary issues between playboy and its readers

STAY AWAKE

My law firm periodically assigns a new
associate to wade through the legislative
bills and to summarize them in memos
to the partners, Today was my tum in
the barrel and I came up with one your
readers should be aware of.

The California legislature has just
made it a crime, punishable by up to a
year in jail, to perform oral sex or
sodomy on any person, including a
spouse, if that person “is at the time un-
conscious of the nature of the act and.
this is known to the person committing
the act.” Apparently, this would limit
one's sexual activities with a wife or girl-
friend who happens to be a deep sleeper,
and it would be no defense for a spouse
or anyone else to argue that in a state of
personal grogginess, the offender thought
the object of affection was his thumb or
her armpit.

Norman A. Beil
Attorncy at Law
Los Angeles, California

PUSSY AFTER PREY

Enclosed is a copy of the “Police Log”
column that appears in a local weekly
newspaper, which reports the latest
thefts, burglaries, vandalisms (including
the draining of two gallons of antifreeze
from a car) and such atrocities as the
following:

A north-end man told police he
was laying on his couch nude when
his cat thought he saw a mouse and
attacked his vital parts. The wound
was later treated at the hospital.
The cat is reportedly being fitted
with a pair of glasses.

As this item indicates, the life of a
mouse can be very hazardous when a
pussy is after prey.

Richard Riley
Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio

As any fool knows, you don't lay on
your couch nude, you lie on your couch
nude. We hope the cat survived.

MOTOR SPORTS

Ole lady's in curlers

The brats are screaming
Rent's overdue

And I'm feeling hung over

That was my life's story until one
day last summer when my ole lady came
down on me so hard that I had to get
rid of my frustrations with a hard bike
ride on the winding roads outside my

town of Orange, Virginia. I took my
monster to ferocious speeds and felt 100
percent better when I finally stopped at
a local bar for a cold one. What hap-
pened next is a "true personal experi-
ence” that beats most of those I read
about in The Playboy Forum.

A carload of girls, obviously out-of-
towners, because the locals cannot achieve
such levels of foxiness, hopped in for
beers and I naturally struck up a little
conversation. One commented on my

“Consensual rape
is what happened,
of there is
such a thing.”

“mean machine” parked in front and, to
make a long story short, the two of us
soon are slinging around curves on a little

king sure that my ole lady
doesn't sce me with this foxy bitch on the
back of my bike. At which time this fine
lady, whose name I don't even know,
takes advantage of her arms’ being around
my waist and starts working on my tender
parts, So off the road we go (intention-
ally) and I have to chase her into the
woods, where we both tumble to the

ground into a heap of soft pine needles.
Consensual rape is what happened, if
there is such a thing.

Now, one month later, I'm living in
Manassas, with relatives, and my wife is

suing me for desertion. But I say, What
the hell? This town has it all over Orange
and I'm finding out that most every gal

around here is definitely oi
than the ones back home.
(Name withheld by request)
Manassas, Virginia
We thought at first we had here a bik-
er's version of “Love Story,” but we find
ourselves left to wonder: Can a boy and
his motorcycle from Orange, Virginia,
find true happiness in Manassas?

a higher level

THE LAST WORD

In response to the Mechanics in the
March Playboy Forum, we Jarheads
would like to make some final statements
regarding the celebrated banana show
here on Okinawa.

1. We fail to find anything wrong with
a woman standing 5/6".

2. We've yet to see any Oriental who
could come close to 200 pounds (except
for one Japanese constable by the name
of Tiny).

3. We consider it immaterial whether
the lady on the stage inserts the banana
sliced or whole and chops it off with her
lower muscles, piece by piece; there's
always a big turnout for the act.

4, The “real live” snake she uses is
trained and is about as harmless as a
copy of the Catholic Post.

While we don’t suggest that anyone
should come all the way to Okinawa for
his sexual entertainment, we do recom-
mend that the Wing Nuts watch out

^ when they call us liars.

The Jarheads
Okinawa, Japan
As a matter of policy, “The Playboy
Forum” usually deals with issues more
general than the quality of a sex show
on Okinawa, But, judging from all the
letters we've received, from both Navy
and Marine Corps personnel, the woman
or women who perform the controversial
banana and snake acts apparently pro-
vide the only entertainment on the
island. So we'll let the Marines get in
their licks.

MORE ON DIFFERENT PROBLEM

Your woman correspondent from
Washington, D.C. is quite right (The
Playboy Forum, March). Being bright
and beautiful is a disaster. Combine

PLAYBOY

those qualities with being black and an
educator, and the world of sex collapses
around your ears.

There arc those who want to fuck you
because black women arouse their fan
s. We're supposed to provide super-
sex à la slaves. Others are thrilled at the
idea of screwing the boss, so you note
that, too. Older men wise enough to
accept you as a person cam't get it up.
because they are hung up on the idea
that they are supposed to uct like 18-
year-olds.

Black men in my own age group are
hung up on the myth of the castrating
female. Talk about loneliness at the top!
The only stimulating male company is
the more mature students, and sex with
them is taboo. Somewhere, there must be
as me, and
in’t the place,

men who will accept

be good in bed, but this a
baby, this ain't the place.

(Name and address

withheld by request)

ENJOYMENT OF SEX
In "No Score" (|
der) and tle Respec
serves none) in the March Playboy
Forum: Those assholes obviously arc ig-
morant om the subject of women, who
are probably the most misunderstood
nimals on carth. Men should take as
ch time learning about women às
they do getting their cocks up. Women
e generally sensitive, emotional
ic than men. They don't like
being jumped on like a piece of meat
being tenderized for dinner. (Even that
has to be thawed sometimes) A
woman is usually well aware of how a
man feels; his actions tell all. A woman
would rather be made love to, not fucked.
lUs a shame that “No Score" and “A
Little Respect” are blaming women for
their own sexual problems. T acy're liable
to hang themselves with their own cocks
(Name withheld by request)
Noble, Oklahoma

"s no won-
(who de-

Not to denigrate "No Score," let me
just pass on to him an old saying: Sex is
like playing bridge. If you have a good
enough hand, you don't need a partner,
m
adelphia, Pennsylvania

Alter reading "No Score,” my wife and
I had a good laugh; then we had an ex
cellent screw, the second that day. That's
not to say that I am the world's most
virile man or greatest lover (though my
wife says I am) but, rather, to point out
the error in the unfortunate “No Score’s”
conclusion that women don't enjoy sex.
I am extremely happy to say that my
wife enjoys sex as much as I do and often
seduces me for no other motive than
pure enjoyment, She calls me her physi-
cal therapist. All it takes is two people

(“Playboy Forum: The Law" follows on

page 61. Letters continued on page 65.)

FORUM NEWSFRONT

what’s happening in the sexual and social arenas

POT-POURRI

SANTA FE—New Mexico has become
the first stale to pass a law permitting
the legal use of marijuana for certain
medical purposes. The law permits re-
search and experimentation with pot as
a therapeutic drug under strict controls
and authorizes the director of the state’s
health department to contract with the
National Institute on Drug Abuse for
supplying marijuana to qualified pa-
tients. The legislature acted on the bill
partly in response to the case of a 26-
year-old University of New Mi
student undergoing chemotherapy for

lung cancer. Research has indicated
thal pot reduces the serious side effects
of that type of treatment
Elsewhere:
+ Researche:

s in several parts of the
country are testing a new synthetic
drug called Nabilone, which is chemi-
cally similar to the THC in marijuana
and seems to produce the beneficial
medical effects of pot without the high.

+ In California, a 21-year-old man
died of cancer less than two months
after an El Centro superior-court judge
signed an order allowing him to legally
use marijuana to combat the side effects
of chemotherapy.

* In Florida, a circuit court in Dade
County declared unconstitutional the
slate marijuana law as it applies to
Ihe private possession of pot in the
home, but the aitorney general has
appealed the decision to the state su-
preme court.

* The supreme courts of both Ari-
zona and Idaho have upheld state laws

prohibiting even the private possession
of pot for personal use.

+ In Japan, researchers supposedly
have developed a strain of marijuana
plant containing no psychoactive in
gredients. It seems that rope manufac
turers have been plagued by pol smokers
ripping off commercial hemp crops.

DEATH BY DRUG

OKLAHOMA CtTy—A local jury hus
sentenced a 43year-old Towa prison
parolee to die by drug injection for a
baby's death in a crash between its
mother’s car and a car speeding away
from a robbery. Under a 1976 state
homicide statute, the jury, which found
the man guilty of first-degree murde
could decide between execution and
life in prison. After seven and a half
hours’ deliberation, it chose the death
penalty, which under the same law will
now be carried out by lethal injection

PROTECTION BY POISON

wasn N, p«.— The U.S. Govern-
ment has finally conceded that irre-
versible lung damage can result from
smoking marijuana contaminated with
paraquat, the herbicide widely used in
Mexico as part of a U.S.-funded drug-
control program. Keith Stroup, director
of the National Organization for the
Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML),
strongly criticized. Federal officials for
taking nearly two years to acknowledge
the danger. He blamed this mainly on
the State Department and the Drug
Enforcement Administration, which
have sponsored and often supervised
Mexican defoliation campaigns against
pot and opium fields at a cost of over
$10,000,000 a year. A suit filed by
NORML to stop further U. S. involve
ment in such programs claims that DEA
and State Department officials ignored.
early warnings from the Department of
Agriculture that the herbicide could
seriously harm the environment. of
Mexico and the individuals who operate
the spraying program. Mexico is the
source of an estimated 60 percent of the
marijuana entering the U.S. and about
20 percent of recent samples tested were
found to be contaminated. Stroup com
mented, “It's ironic but typical of our
Government's drug-control efforts that
it will imprison people to save them
from a substance that scientists found
to be relatively harmless until poi-
soned by the Government itself. This ix

reminiscent of Prohibilion, when authori-
ties tried to make sure that any alcohol
people insisted on drinking illegally
would either kill them or make them
go blind.” He added that the anony-
mous testing of marijuana samples can
be arranged. by contacting the Pharm-
Chem Research Foundation, 1844 Bay
Road, Palo Allo, California 94303. (See
last month's “Playboy Forum.”)

COP CASUALTY

MEMPHIS The Memphis pension
board has awarded a lifetime disability
pension of $6700 a year to a police offi-
cer who suffered severe psychological

problems after killing two men at-
tempting to hold up a liquor store. The
board was told that the officer began
to relive the shootings night after night
in his dreams, suffered extreme anxiety
and depression and became an alco-
holic, which eventually cost him his
police job and other jobs. The Mem-
phis police director said the board's
unprecedented decision was an indica-
tion that more and more people “have
reached the realization that the psycho-
logical strain of being in policework is
immense.”

POLICE SHOOT BACK

Police officers who consider them-
selves wrongfully and maliciously ac-
cused of brutality or misconduct are
starting to strike back by means of civil
lawsuits. Encouraged by an increasing
number of court victories, law-enforce-
ment associations and publications,
particularly the quarterly magazine The
Police Plaintifi, are suggesting that of-
ficers not sellle for being acquitted of
criminal or departmental charges that
may hurt their careers but, where war-
ranted, seek civil damages like any othe
individual. In one unusual case, a Vir-
ginia policeman was awarded a $150,000

damage judgment against a man who
shot and wounded him in the head dur-
ing an attempted armed robbery. The
assailant was convicted on the robbery
charge and was awarded 40 years.

BOGUS BUGABOO

An experiment conducted by re-
searchers in California and Tennessee
has found no basis for the theory pro-
pounded by some anti-abortionists that
liberalized abortion laws pave the way
for racial genocide aimed at blacks and
other minorities. To test that theory,
the researchers circulated a fictitious
case file of a pregnant woman lo 42
white abortion counselors in Atlanta,
Nashville and Memphis. The woman
supposedly was an underachieving high
school junior with a minor record of
social deviancy, unmarried and ambiva-
lent about having the baby. For half
the counselors, she was designated as
white, and for the other half, black
Each counselor rated the pregnant
woman in a number of social and emo-
tional categories and finally recom-
mended whether or not she should have
the child. Although 33 of the counselors
suggested abortion, they did so nearly
equally in the black and white cases.

NOT-SO-GOOD BUDDIES

Citizen's-band-radio hobbyists are
worried that young male prostitutes
and child molesters alike are discover-
ing C-B. as a convenient and relatively
safe means of conducting their illicit
business. An investigation conducted by
The CBers' News, a national newspaper
for C.B. buffs published in Columbia,
Missouri, found numerous instances in
which child molesters have used the
local “teen” channels to entice young-
sters into seemingly wholesome radio
friendships that have led to personal
meetings and ultimately to sexual
propositions or assaults. In the same
manner, young male hookers using sug-
gestive handles such as Lovebandit have
learned to arrange sexual encounters by
radio instead of by working the streets.
According to News publisher Michael
J. McCormack, who interviewed police
officials throughout the country, the
problem seems to have started in Cali-
fornia but has become serious enough
in New York, Chicago and other met-
ropolitan areas that police departments
are beginning to assign juvenile-division
officers to monitor the C.B. channels,
particularly in school neighborhoods.

TEMPORARY STERILITY
A potentially reversible, nonsurgical
method of female sterilization has been
successfully tested on animals and
should soon be ready for trials on hu
mans. A newsletter published by the

Association for Voluntary Sterilization
reports that the technique, developed
by Dr. Robert A. Erb at Philadelphia's
Franklin Institute, involves an injection
of liquid silicone into the Fallopian
tubes. After several minutes, the sili
cone cures lo a soft, rubberlike plug,
blocking the tubes and preventing con-
ception, Each plug carries an integral
lip and ring that, al a later date, can be
used to withdraw the plug and restore
fertility.

BUMPER STICKLER

cmcaco—The Ilinois Appellate
Court has ruled that a motorist can sue
a truck driver for tailgating, even if no
accident occurs. The case arose when
an atlorney accused a driver for a Wis-
consin trucking firm of causing him
and his family “severe emotional stress”
by staying within two feet of his back
bumper at speeds of up to 75 miles per
hour. The appeals judge held that a
circuit court should hear the suil,
which asks $80,000 in damages.

LETTER OF THE LAW

HONOLULU—A 30-year-old Japanese
fashion designer was denied entry to
the U.S. for three days on the suspicion
that he was a homosexual. Local immi.
gration officials ordered the man to
undergo questioning and a physical e
amination after they went through his

luggage and found letters from a male
acquaintance in California. An attor
ney for the American Civil Libe:
Union then intervened and the local
immigration inspector was overruled
by a superior who decided the letters
did not constitute sufficient evidence to
exclude the man under the section of
U.S. law banning the admission of
“aliens afflicted with psychopathic per-
sonalities, sexual deviancy or a mental
defect.”

ies

PLAYBOY FORUM: THE LAW
LET THE PUNISHMENT

FIT THE CRIME: SENATE BILL 1437

By GEORGE V HIGGINS

There is certainly much to be said for the reform of the
criminal laws. A great deal more than that already has
been said, for a good many years, without substantial or
beneficial effect. There has been effect —New York State
all bur revived drawing and quartering and being pulled
to death by horses, in Nelson Rocketeller's rabble-rousing,
crowd-pleasing, showboating, grandstanding campaign-
motivated motion that restoring the death penalty might
deter heroin tralicking—but it has not been beneficial.

What there has been is a spasmodically recurring pop-
ular and legislative twitch, in which periodic public rage at
rising crime rates has been rekindled (or incited in the first
place) by the legislatures and the people who aspire either
tosit in them or in other high offices,

Until. Watergate, such. festivals generally occurred only
in the aftermath of a spectacularly violent crime or in the
wake of new FBI statistics reporting increases in violent
crime without declaring, with equal force, that the reports
were increased a lot in number and efficiency as well
(which may have accounted for much of the crime increase).

Cops, prosecutors and judges are as baffled about the
causes and effects of criminal impulses as the rest of us
and equally disinclined to take the blame for the con-
comitant, and universal, perplexity about what we should
do to curb them. Issuing inflammatory reports, they are ever
inclined to explain some outrage in terms of inadequate
investigative and administrative personnel, equipment,
time, money, judicial grasp of the inherent maleyolence
of human nature, and so on, far into the night.

When that is seized upon by approving governors,
mayors, legislators and other politicians, law-enforcement
agencies are beefed up (no governmental agency is ever
beefed down; reduction of force, when alleged, is called
trimming off the fat, the excess usually being last year's
muscle, which atrophied in disuse and was therefore prob-
ably unnecessary in the first place).

In each instance, the public, temporarily aroused, is
deemed to have been placated by whatever action was
taken, and the cops and politicians resume doing whatever
it was they were doing before the flap began.

Before Watergate, those crooks caught stealing from
brokerage houses (lest their bookies become testy) were
commonly let loose upon the populace, while those crooks
visiting banks with pistols instead of bank books or LD.
cards were led away in chains. Since Watergate, there has
come a great vogue for leading the crafty crooks away in
chains, check to cheek with the scedy gunslingers. See where
equal rights have gotten you, guys?

And see also where frustration and annoyance have
functioned upon the courts, where men’s lives are played
with as boys play with flies and kill them for sport: There
is enough slack in the punishment clause of virtually every
criminal statute to let the judge do just about as he wishes
with you. He can bid you go and sin no more or he can
hit you w iece of pipe. And there is almost nothing
anyone bout it, afterward.

Comes now Senate Bill 1437 and its House counterpart,
6869, a recodification of the Federal criminal system and
successor to 5. 1, reported out of the Senate Judiciary Com-
mittee late last year, It makes at least a strong beginning

in the direction of reducing the amount of play in the
revered discretion of the judge, whose attitude toward a
given defendant may derive less from the nature of the
crime than from the state of his Honor's dyspepsia on
the day of sentencing.

Federal law doesn't do a blasted thing, directly, to
reform the laws of the 50 states. But it works indirectly, in
precisely the same fashion as the grade school teacher's
decision to slap the kid next to you and thereby reduce
your own eagerness to commit some disruption.

Federal decisions are cited frequently in state court
and vice versa; there is considerable competition for lauds
between the two of them, and neither relishes being de-
nominated backward. lf you examine now the Codes of
Civil Procedure enforced in most state courts, you will find
therein striking exemplars of concepts at first adopted by
the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure. In a few more years,
the new Federal Rules of Criminal Procedure, effective two
years ago. will start to surface in the state codes, greatly
affecting (and not always for the better, either) what evi-
dence is admissible in state courts: how you get it in or
keep it out.

What Section 2003 of S. 1437 does, in paragraph (a), is
recite the factors to be weighed in sentencing that most
good judges have always pondered: what he did and
whether he's done something before; whether somebody
else will be deterred if 1 do something really mean to him;
whether he's liable to do something really mean again if I
let him go; whether what I've got in mind will be publicly
acceptable or bring the rabble down to the courthouse,
clamoring for my hide—something that sounds too much
like lip service to the now widely suspected notion that
anyone ever got rehabilitated in the slammer (many got
tired if in long enough, but few got rehabilitated).

So then, you ask, where's the progress? In Section 2003
(a) (D) (E), it's the expressed “need to avoid unwarranted
sentence disparities among defendants with similar records
who have been found guilty of similar criminal conduct.”
And then do you know what the judge has to do? Under
2003 (b) he has to state his reasons for the sentence,
on the record.

There is something about formulating your reasons, for
the public record, that tends to give you pause about what
you're saying, and perhaps even make you think a little.
Particularly when the sentence you hand down, as judge,
is reviewable by an appellate court. The appeals court
enjoys the option to label you a horse’s ass and order
someone else to think about the whole matter again.
Which might make you take pains to learn what other
judges did to other guys in similar circumstances and
what's about the least or most that you can get away with,
without looking like a goddamned fool.

The Senate Judiciary Committee, with the energetic
work of Edward M. Kennedy and the late John L.
McClellan, did a good job on Section 2003. But there is
more for reflection here, such as: How long is long enough
in the can?, and we will get to that.

George V. Higgins is a prominent novelist, Boston

defense altorney and former state and Federal prosecuto:

WHATEVER YOU DO
DO ITWITH A PORSC

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EO2DA

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—-

1898. Spanish Armada gets taste of Dewey.
Dewey's crew gets taste of San Miguel.

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openly in love and eager to please and
be pleased.
As for "No Score," I'd suggest he find
a more compatible mate. It would
change his views of women and probably
of life itself.
Timothy L. Shaner
Troy, Michigan

MALE-CHAUVINIST LEGALIST zd

"The problem with women today is the
same as it has always been. The most
stable condition you can hope for is
based on a rental agreement by verbal
contract that doesn't even guarantee oc-
cupying the property, much less grant
tenure, In my opinion, this is a form of

ist loan-sharking and should be cov-
, by our usury laws. In
my own case, I have been paying interest
for so long that I've forgotten the
principal.

M. Wheeler
New York, New York

GETTING A HEAD START
T was delighted to read that a judge
in New Mexico took mercy on a r
old woman charged with “contributing
to the delinquency" of a 15-year-old boy
with whom she supposedly had had se;
As the judge said, she wasn't corrupting
him but furthering his sex education.
Fve cabled Roman Polanski to come
home at once. The question now be-
comes, at what age should education
begin? The public schools put it at six,
but there's always Head Start.
J. B. F.
Austin, Texas
Better tell Polanski to wait. The New
Mexico Supreme Court reversed the ap-
peals-court decision and has upheld the
woman's indictment,

NARC, NARC
1 got a chuckle out of the "Narc,
Narc” jokes in the front of your Janu-
issue. Here's one of my own:
arc, narc.
Who's there?
Oswald and Wendy.
Oswald and Wendy who?
Oswald the evidence Wendy cops
broke down the door.
James Scott
Los Angeles, Ca

Narc, narc.
Who's there?
Oz.
Oz who?
Oz just doin’ my thing.
]- Andrews
New York, New York

WHO'S TO JUDGE?

I am appalled by the current revival
of the death penalty. Perhaps we should
heed the words of a wizard; namely,
Gandalf the Grey from J. R. R. Tol-
kien's The Lord of the Rings. When

Frodo the Hobbit states that the creature
Gollum deserves death, Gandalf replies:
“Deserves it! I dare say he does. Many
that live deserve death. And some that
die deserve life. Can you give it to them?
Then do not be too eager to deal out
death in judgment. For even the very
wise cannot sce all ends."

David Martin Cohen

Royal Oak, Michigan

PUZZLED KILLER

After reading some of the letters in
The Playboy Forum regarding capital
punishment, I necd to relate this expe-
rience to you. At the moment, I'm serving
time for bank robbery and I ended
up in the cell of a man sentenced to the
chair for a murder so brutal that
numbed me when I found out the de
tails, Still, I became fairly close to him,
because he seemed such a good person,
so likable, very generous, though there
s something about him you couldn't
quite put your finger on. I'll never for
get what he said when the sentence came

“My 15-year-old son's
crotch bulged

rather ominously.”

down, just before they took him to death
row, where he still is. He was on the
bunk below me and I heard him crying.
We ended up talking, and 1 couldn't
believe it. He said, "You know, man, I
dont mind dying. Matter of fact, it's
got to be better than this. I just wish that
before I die I knew why I did that. I
just want to know how I could do that
to another human being."

1 only wish the supporters of capital
punishment could have been there, They
might want to keep him locked up, but
not one of them could pull the switch.
me withheld by request)
Adanta, Georgia

CHEAP THRILLS

Not that 1 wish to be a troublemaker,
but I don't mind sticking it to stodgy
bureaucrats when the occasion permits. I
live in New Jersey and wondered why
three different personalized license plates
that I had tried to get were turned down,
until I read that there's actually a screen-
ing board that censors out anything it
considers too raunchy or suggestive. The
article I read mentioned that other states
do the same thing. So let me suggest to

your readers that they start getting li-
cense plates with letter. combinations
that are completely innocent unless

they're college students or otherwise into
current. bullshit. Such as AMF (Adios,
Motherfucker), SOMF (Sit on My Face)

or SMD (Suck My Dick). I've already

seen these in circulation; apparently,
state authorities don't know their
meanings.

(Name withheld by request)
"Trenton, New Jersey
How about B.S?

POINTING THE PISTOL

R. Harris (The Playboy Forum, No-
vember 1977) seems to believe that the
only motivation for being antigun is be-
ing afraid of looking at a barrel looking
back. If that is his contention, he is
wrong. I am antigun. I have an irrational
fear of guns. I am afraid of having a gun
when I might need one. I am afraid that.
I would use it, if only to threaten. I have
unreasonable fear of the doubts and
nighunares that E would have to still
every night in order to sleep. Shooting a
human would not be easy on my mind.

Emily Burt
Wasilla, Alaska

Harris was, we think, trying to make
a valid point that fear of firearms is often
irrational. You make the equally valid
point that you have an overwhelming
fear of using a gun even when your own
life might be at stake, because you don't
want to kill anybody. We don't have an
easy answer. Usually, one side wants the
legal right to shoot wrongdoers; the
other side wants to reform them. At least
you don’t propose a simple solution to
a problem for which there isn't any.

CERTIFIED SPEEDERS
I read Brock Yates's article 55 Be
Damned! in LAvmoy (June 1976) and
I propose that high-speed driving be
legalized for a qualified, certified
driver in a well ntained car,
plates of international orange or some
other noticeable color would ind
that the driver of Ihat car is respon-
sible and mature enough to cope with
slower traffic. Should such a driver
be involved in an accident in which
speed or reckless driving is a contribut-
ing factor, a fine of 50 percent of the
value of the car could be levied and the
driver would then become incligible for
the privileged status. Put up or back olt
and let the real drivers by.
Ronald C. Thomas, Jr-
Panama City, Florida
Just what we need—speeders lib.

MYSTERY SOLVED

For years, I've been reading The
Playboy Forum and feeling thankful
that neither I nor members of my family
have the problems and dilemmas of some
of your correspondents. Then, a few
months ago, I began to notice that my
15-year-old son's crotch bulged rather
ominously at times. What the hell is this?
I worried. Is the kid that well endowed?
Or has he some terrible affliction that
hes told nobody about? Is he stuffing
toilet paper in his underwear to impress

PLAYBOY

the girls? Or—omigod!—is the little fuck-
er turning gay?

For the benefit of any other worried
parents who have perceived this phe-
nomenon in their own adolescent sons,
let me enlighten them as to its cause;
turns out that the crotch is the currently
favored place to carry one’s stash of
marijuana. True or not, the belief is
that the police checking out "suspicious
youths" won't grope crotches, for fear of
being accused of fondling them. As I
explained to my son, once the police fig:
ure this out, all they'll have to do is
whack his dick with a night stick, and if
he stands there smiling, they'll know
they have a bust.

(Name withheld by request)
Skokie, Illinois

CLEAN LIVERS STRIKE BACK

Not only do you let “Wally” get away
with calling antismokers basically in-
tolerant, abrasive, self-righteous and an.
tagonistic but you flippantly support his
i h your remark that the
clean livers" who are worse than anti-
smokers are the “damn joggers who dis-
rupt trafic and display smug looks on
their bouncing red faces when they aren't
sneering at motorists and fat people.
don't see your logic, because I've leafed
through back copies of rLAYBov and
have seen many tennisshoe ads and arti-
cles that would indicate that your maga-
zine appeals to clean livers as well as
to smokers.

(Name withheld by request)
Marquette, Michigan

It isn't unusual to read a letter from
the “Wally” types, but what really raised
my eyebrows was your flippant endorse-
ment of his arrogance. PLAYuoy should
stick to supporting worthy causes such as
homosexual rights and better porno.

“Danny”
Palm Springs, California

"Wally" should realize that just be-
cause dogshit is four feet away, it doesn’t
mean you can't smell

Mrs. Don MacMillan
Atlanta, Georgia

What a hornet's nest that letter—and
our smart-aleck response—stirred up!
The above is a small sampling. “Wally”
was certainly right in one respect; anti-
smokers are aggressive and self-righteous.
And since our humorous put-down of his
position was taken so literally, we'll get
in another lick at those damned joggers:
They don't even know when their legs
arc being pulled.

THE OTHER SIDE

By way of addendum to "Wallys*
comments about nonsmokers in your
everal months ago, I re-
ceived a solicitation in the mail from a
group called ASH (Action on Smoking
and Health) seeking funds to promote

the idea that smoking in public places
should be restricted. That is the crux of
the matter with people who don't want
other people to smoke tobacco, smoke
dope, snort, shoot up, drink, go naked
or whatever: These people have no con-
cept of property rights. Most public
places are, in fact, owned by private
individuals or groups. It should most
certainly be the decision of the owner
of the property to allow or disallow
activities of any noncoercive nature on
that property. If nonsmokers (or smok-
ers) don't like that decision, they can
take their business elsewhere.

I wrote to ASH, explaining this matter
and suggesting that its money would be
better spent on noncoercive measures
(educational messages, nonsmoking clin-
ics, etc.). The response I received was an
accusation that the hard-line libertari
anism I espouse results in the unnec-
essary premature death toll in America
of 300,000 per year. Bullshit! That's
probably what Joe Stalin said to the
kulaks.

Elizabeth Banana
Venice, California

MEDICINAL MARIJUANA
We'd like to let the readers of

PLAYBOY know that we are now in a

position to answer queries about the.
medical uses of marijuana. The Cen-
ter, which is a division of NORML,
has acquired the services of Alice
O'Leary, who knows the subject well
and who can be reached at 202-785-
5550 or by writing to 2317 M Street,
N.W., Washington, D.C. 20087.

Keith Stroup, National Director

National Organization for

the Reform of Marijuana Laws
Washington, D.C.

RIGHTS VS. WRONGS

Your editorial “Human Rights vs. Fe-
tal Rights” (October 1977) contends that
“Church leaders have managed to dis-
mantle the basic constitutional prin-
ciple of a separate church and state."
Quite the contrary. This anti-abortion
effort grows logically out of a desire to
remain faithful to the Constitution. The
14th Amendment guarantees the right of
each individual to life, states that no one
may be deprived of that life without due
process of law and further guarantees each
individual equal protection under the
law. For the judiciary to allow the killing
of the embryo dearly violates the em-
bryo’s right to due process of law. Nor
can it be objected that the 14th Amend-
ment means whatever the judiciary says
it means and that it has chosen to rule
that the embryo is not a legal “person”
for the purposes of the amendment,
since at one time many states held that
the Bill of Rights was not meant to

apply to Negroes.

It is therefore the existence of the
14th Amendment that renders the Ro-
man Catholic lobbying effort against
legal abortion not the imposition of its
private views but the rightful insistence
that the law of the land be enforced and
not flouted for economic expediency.

Hugo Carl Koch
New York, New York

Same old problem. You consider a
fetus to be a human being with civil
rights under law; we don't.

Joseph E. Caro states in the Janu-
ary Playboy Forum that "if women
must satisfy their thirst for sex, then they
must be ready to pay the consequences.”
He must, of course, be referring only to
women who are willing participants in
Immaculate Conception. Otherwise, what
"consequences" is Caro willing to ad-
judge for the men—castration?

One point that seems to be brought
up time and again is the possibility that
the woman actually may have, h
forbid, enjoved the sex act. Such a wom-
an must be made to pay for her sins and
see the error of her ways, according to
Caro's line of thinking (and obviously
that of many legislators). However, if the
woman cannot afford an abortion, then.
it is logical to assume that she cannot
d; vet, in the interests
of justice, if the woman pays the conse-
quences and has the child, our ever-mer-
ciful governmental overseers will then
come to her aid in the forms of mater-
nity and hospital care, food stamps and
welfare throughout the child's life, Since
money is our biggest concern, just com-
pute how many of our tax dollars it will
take to support that child for 18 years.

As a compromise solution, in order to
punish women for their sins, let's just
return to flogging those scarlet women;
or, possibly, each potential abortionee
could sign a statement that she did not
in any way enjoy the sex act and that
she is extremely penitent of her sins and
begs forgiveness from the great govern-
mental judges. By forcing those women
to have unwanted children, whom does
Caro suppose actually “pays the conse-
quences"—the women, their male coun-
terparts or the children who must grow
up as intruders, to be resented, possibly
unloved and abused? Since Caro docs not
want to "pay for their pleasures" by
funding abortions, he obviously is more
than willing to pay for the years of
human suffering that follow.

Linda C. Bourne
Brunssum, The Netherlands

"The Playboy Forum" offers the
opportunity for an extended dialog
between readers and editors of this

publication on contemporary issues, Ad-
dress all correspondence to The Playboy
Forum, Playboy Building, 919 North
Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611.

SHULD)

(E
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PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: WILLIAM COLBY

a somewhat candid conversation with the former director of the cia

William Colby is cast in the grand
mold: Princetonian, soldier, lawyer, spy.
He served as a commando paratrooper in
France and Norway during World War
Two and with the Office of Strategic
Services, the precursor of the Central
Intelligence Agency. For those extremely
dangerous missions—dropping behind
enemy lines and blowing up railroad
tracks—Colby won the Bronze Star, the
Croix de guerre, the Silver Star and
Saint Olaf's Medal. Thinking he was go-
ing to pursue a legal carcer, he returned
to school after the war and practiced
law for three years. Then along came the
fledgling CIA and Colby was recruited.
His first overseas assignment, in 1951, was
as political attaché to the Stockholm Em-
bassy, a. cover for intelligence work in
Scandinavia. In 1953, he was transferred
to Rome, where Clave Booth Luce was
Ambassador to Italy. One mission there
was to intervene in Italian politics in an
attempt to keep the Communists from
taking over. This much-criticized opera-
lion involved pouring vast sums of
money (officially, several million dollars)
into the lalian political arena.

Colby arrived for his fist Vietnam
tour in 1959 to take a position as deputy
chief of station at Saigon. In 1960, he
was moved up to chief of station and in
1962 became head of CIA's Far East

"I think it is quite possible [that a
nuclear weapon will be exploded in an
aggressive manner]. A single shot, two
shots, are quite possible in the next
ten years.”

Division. After five years in that job, he
was recruited as deputy head of CORDS,
the overall structure under which the
infamous Phoenix program was carried
out. Since CORDS was run by the State
Department, Colby took a “leave without
pay" from CIA. When he returned to
Washington in 1971, duc to the serious
(and ultimately fatal) illness of his
daughter, he rejoined CIA and, in 1972,
was given the job of executive director—
comptroller—a seemingly dull job that,
in fact, gave Colby a rare overview of
the agency and its inner workings.

Under James Schlesinger’s short re-
gime as CIA director, Colby was made
deputy director of operations. When
Attorney General Richard. Kleindienst
had to resign as a result of Watergate,
Schlesinger became Secretary of Defense.
President Nixon then gave Colby the
nod to head the world’s most widely
publicized intelligence service. It was not
destined to be easy at the top.

At the time of the Senate hearings lo
confirm his appointment, Colby was re-
lentlessty grilled about The Family
Jewels—a secret 693-page report ordered.
by Schlesinger, directed by Golby and
compiled by CIA's own Inspector Gen-
eral's Office. It dealt with what Colby
calls “some mistakes"—specifically CIA
abuses ranging from assassination plans

"I don't have a problem with the moral
justification that if a man is a tyrant,
then somebody under him has the right
to shoot him. But that doesn’t mean a
separate country has a right to do it.”

to dosing people with mind-control
drugs, to domestic spying. During the
hearings, posters went up around Wash-
inglon showing Colby as the ace of
spades and accusing him of assassinat-
ing 20,000 people under the Phoenix
program.

His tenure as director was continuously
plagued with bad publicity. At one press
meeting, he told a group of editors that
C14 did not use American newsmen as
spies. Laler, he checked, found thai the
agency had used some newsmen and
called back to report this to the press.
The story was immediately reported un-
der banner headlines, and thus began the
furor over CIA use of journalists that
continues to this day. During his final
year in that office, Colby sometimes spent
as much time testifying about CIA's
activities as he did running the agency.
And when The New York Times re-
vealed some of the details of The Fam-
ily Jewels in a December 1974 story, the
lid blew off. Colby knew that his career
was over. It was just a matter of time—
and of taking the heat for Watergate,
Chile, domestic spying and just about
everything else that could be dragged
into the House and Senate hearings, On
Nouember 2, 1975, President Gerald
Ford fired Colby in the traditional way:

PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD HOWARD /CANERA S

“It’s important that people like myself
speak out, yet not conceal the fact that
there are spies and that there need to be;
that in the past 20 years CIA has made
some mistakes—sure.”

PLAYBOY

He offered him another job, which
Colby turned down.

To find out what a major intelligence
Officer would be willing—or be allowed—
to say about America’s most mysterious
and notorious branch of service, we sent
Articles Editor Laurence Gonzales, who for
years has written on intelligence-related
matters for pLayeoy, to talk with him.
Gonzales’ report:

“I first determined to interview Colby
about two years ago, when I appeared
on a television show and learned from
the modcrator that he had had Colby as
a guest. During the course of their talks,
Colby had said that CIA had never
assassinated anybody. I wanted to look
in his eyes and have him repeat that.
When we finally sat down over a tape
recorder, I learned what a master of
language he was and how well his years
of answering hostile questions had served
him. Questioning Colby was like talking
10 a man who has something hidden in
his pocket. You must guess what it is.
You have no clues and your question
must be exactly right—close doesn't
count. If it is a piece of gold and you ask
if it is money, you will learn nothing.
And if you happen on the right answer,
the man is bound by an oath not to tell
you that you have guessed correctly.

“CIA's reality is different from our
reality. Widely publicized all over the
world was the fact that CIA built a
Spy ship called the Glomar Explorer to
raise a sunken Russian Golf Class sub-
marine. Yet Colby, under his secrecy
agreement, is not allowed to talk about
what is common knowledge to the rest
of the world. Officially, to him, the story
does not exist. It is very 1984.

“During the inlerview, Colby often
would pause after hearing a question and
think for a long time—sometimes 90
seconds or more. And when he finally
answered, it would be almost as if he had
been trying lo remember the exact word-
ing of an official statement on the sub-
ject, as if he did not want to use his own
mind but wanted to reiterate what the
Government had already said. Und
standably, he wants to protect many
legitimate secrets. But some of his re-
sponses made me wonder about where he
draws the line in doing so, though he in-
sisted time and again that he does not lie.

“He has a staggering grasp of world
political events—as would be expected—
and has at his finger tips the details of
the most obscure machinations around
the globe. H struck me that this contrasts
sharply with his lapses in memory on

in subjects.

"The interview was conducted in his
home and office over a period of some
weeks, resulling in almost 20 hours of
taped material. Even the casual reader
will notice the lack of meaningful in-
formation regarding certain subjects,
such as Watergate, to use one glaring
example. We put a good deal of material

on tape about Watergate and it was
resoundingly dull. Colby seemed to have
absolutely no recollection of certain as-
pects of the case and absolutely nothing
to say about others. For example, James
McCord was the man who left the piece
of tape on the door—which led to the
discovery of the burglars in the act. But
McCord was an excellent CIA security
officer, bringing up the question of how
he could do something that stupid—or
whether, perhaps, McCord's act was in-
tentional. Colby, in responding to this,
merely shrugged and allowed that Mc-
Cord was probably an allright security
officer. Period. In general, there seem to
be whole areas that Colby has made a
personal policy decision not to think
about. He told me that he purposely
didn't read certain controversial CId-
related books, so that he wouldn't have
to talk about them. On the face of it,
this seems to contrast with the ample
evidence of research in “Honorable Men,
Colby's recent book published by Simon
& Schuster. The careful reader will also

“CIA is the best
intelligence service in the
world. The Soviets did some
brilliant work years ago,
but I don't think they're

doing that well now."
—

nolice certain inconsistencies or even in-
accuracies in some of Colby's statements.
Although many were challenged, I have
no way of knowing what Colby’s sources
are or whether future researchers can
prove him right or wrong.

“Generally, preparing for am inter-
view involves simple research in libraries.
When dealing with one of the world’s
foremost spies, however, material is not
so easy (o come by, and some rather
specialized sources had to be consulted.
Although most of them did not care to
be identified, the assistance of Asa Baber,
a frequent PLAvuoy contributor and for
mer Marine officer, was essential to the
preparation of this interview.

“Colby and I began at his home just
oulside Washington. His home life su;
gests another side of this man that does
nol match the usual image of the hard,
cold, gray-man spy. It is a relay
well thought out—atnosphere. Inside,
the lighting is subdued. Beautiful Orien-
lal artifacts ave everywhere, some so deli-
cate one is afraid they might break if
looked at too inten. Colby's wife
appears to be his opposite: lively, grin-
ning, fun-loving and cager to make con-
versation. As we sat down, she brought
oul an array of cakes and served them

with coffee. Occasionally, she would re-
turn with more hot coffee, smiling
brightly. To begin, I asked a question
about something that had always in-
trigued me.”

PLAYBOY: What w like to be the head
of CIA and really know what's going on?
COLBY: Wonderful! The biggest change
in my life, frankly, was the day J walked
out of CIA Headquarters at Langley
and Jonger read “The Morning
N " I work very hard now to try to
keep up with what's happen a the
rest of the world and | know I'm not in
the same ball park in terms of wl 1
knew then
PLAYBOY: WI is “Fhe Morning News"?
COLBY: An attempt to encapsulate the
major events of the prev ^

us day. It’s
really very good. I made it into a new:
r, because I found that a very use-
ful way to present information, with
headlines and all the rest.

PLAYBOY: You're now retired, but people
may wonder: Has he really retired?
Once CIA, always CIA, as they say.
COLBY: I have two connections at CIA,
my pension and my secrecy agreement,
I hope I keep both.

PLAYBOY: Do you still consult with C
COLBY: I canceled my clearance the
I left office. I have not seen one cla
fied bit of information since I left. Oh,
both former director George Bush and
current director Admiral Stansfield
Turner have asked me to speak at their
ing courses. I've seen them for little
ts; they've picked my brain. And
every now and again I call up over tl
and pass along somebody who's inter-
ested in having his name dropped in for
possible employment.

PLAYBOY: What is CIA, as you would
define it?

CoLBY: CIA is part of the U
Government whose responsib:
s going on abroad, collecting

inform
electro]
ditional cl to obtain
i i is kept secret from us
by other countries, when that infor
tion is of importance to the safety
welfare of our people. That's the m:
CIA. In addition, inteli
gence—knowing things—can avoid wars.
If you have intelligence, you know the
threats. But 1 go even further: If you
know the reasons for the other side's
hostilities, you can then begin to resolve
those things with negotiation instead
of struggle.

PLAYBOY: How good is CLA?

cousy: It’s the best intelligence se
in the world.

PLAYBOY: What are the other top-ranking
intelligence services, in your opinion?
CotBy: Well, I don't really like to discuss
foreign intelligence services very much,
because I don't think that—I don’t
want to talk about them. But, obviously,

id
and
n

function. of

vice

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PLAYBOY

I learned some of my lessons from the
British. The Israeli is obviously a good
intelligence service. The Soviets did
some brilliant work years ago when they
took advantage of their reputation as
the leading anti-Fascists against Hitler,
Mussolini and so forth and recruited a
number of high officials in democratic
countries such as Kim Philby, such as
some of the Americans in the atomic
period and so forth. But I don't think
they're doing that well now, because
they don’t represent anything positive
anymore. The Soviets during most of
the Fifties conducted a major campaign
to the effect that they represented the
peace-loving forces. And they had peace
conferences and they had a great propa-
ganda mechanism. And yet, when we
had an antiwar movement, it didn't
become a Communist movement. The
Communists didn't run that movement,
didn't profit by it, because the people
who were in the antiwar movement
here, the Americans, had no sympathy
for the Soviets. They were against their
own Government, yes. But they didn't
translate that into support for the Sovict
situation and I don't think the Soviets
recruited anybody worth a darn out
of that,

PLAYBOY: If you are our protector, who
is going to protect us from you
COLBY: The separate constitutional struc-
ture, the separation of powers. That's
whats going to protect you from me.
And the press.

PLAYBOY: Has CIA been hurt by the
press

COLBY: Oh, it’s been hurt. It's been hurt
by the sensationalism. I think the only
word you can use is hysteria. Intelli-
gence today is a far cry from the old
spy. It has changed our knowledge of
the world almost totally. "Things that
15, 20 years ago we wouldn't have

dreamed of knowing we can now meas-

ure. L think it's important that people
ike myself speak out, yet not conc
the fact that there are spies and that
there need to be; that in the past 20
years CIA has made some mistakes—
sure.

PLAYBOY: By mistakes you apparently
mean such abuses as attempting to assas-
sinate Fidel Castro.

COLBY: I think assassination is as Talley-
rand once said to Napoleon: “Sire, it is
not only wrong, it is worse than wrong.
It is stupid.” Now, I don't have any
problem with the old moral ji ation
that if a man is a total tyrant, then
somebody under him has the right to
shoot him. But that doesn’t mean a
separate country has a right to do it. If
I am being oppressed by somcone—my
family has been destroyed, I've been
sent to jail and all the rest—then I
have a right to respond. That's what
the Declaration of Independence says.
It is our right, our duty to overthrow a
tyrant. That's old church doctrine and

old liberal doctrine and all the rest. But
that is different from a state's assassi-
nating somebody in another country.
Now, I do make one exception. In
time of war, if our young men are shoot-
ng their young men, and vice versa, I
don't think we old men should be im-
mune. Therefore, I would have cheer-
fully helped assassinate Adolf Hitler in
1944. No doubt about that.
PLAYBOY: If we were being oppressed by
Jimmy Carter, should we shoot him?
copy: Yeah, if you really were being
oppressed. If you don't have other ve
hicles—and you haye lots of other
vehicles in this country, known as elec-
ms and courts and all that sort of
thing.
PLAYBOY: Do you think, then, that the
people of Chile should rise up and shoot
their oppressive leaders?
COLBY: I just couldn't say. But I think
that you are on the point. You're on the
description. As I say, the Declaration of
Independence states that philosophy
very clearly and I'll go with it.
PLAYBOY: How about Uganda? Do the
Ugandan pcople have an obligation to
kill Idi Amin?

"I doubt Amin will diea
natural death. That's a pre-
diction. Im not saying we're

going to do anything."

COLBY: It would be a moral act if they
id.

PLAYBOY: Do we have many
in Uganda?

COLBY: I doubt it, but I don't know. /
lly wouldn't want to s;
or the other.

PLAYBOY: If CIA has agents in Uganda,
are they encouraging this act?

COLBY: No, that's different. Encouraging
them to kill him? No, I don't think that.
But helping them in what they want to
do? There it would be moral if the
salety and welfare of the people of the
United States could somehow be related
to it.

PLAYBOY: What do you think will hap-
pen to Amin?

cowy: Well, I doubt he will die a
natural death. That's a prediction. I'm
not saying that we're going to do any-
thing.

PLAYBOY: Didn't you start your military-
intelligence career as a guerrilla in
World War Two?
Corey: In Norway, in Fi
PLAYBOY: How do you distingui
good or bad guerrillas, since you obv
ously consider yourself one of the for
mer? Ché Guevara guerrilla.
Ulrike Meinhof was one. Carlos is one.

A people

was a

COLBY: I don't think there's any diff
ence. J don't think a guerrilla is either
good or bad. In other words, wc gct
back to the moral judgment about ends
and means. In Norway, we were hoping
to have a train crash into the river. But
I put a fellow up the track with a radio,
because if we had a tr; full of Nor-
wegian women and children, I sure as
hell would not blow that bridge. I've
stuck my neck out, taken a lot of chances
where I’m really a little surprised that
I'm alive today. But I'm not one of the
“my country, right or wrong” types. Our
country can be wrong. I think we've
made s. For instance, I respect
the antiwar people of the Sixties and
early Seventies.

PLAYBOY: If you felt your country were
wrong, would you have resisted if you
were young and eligible for the draft?
copy: Thats hard to say. I really have
a hard time answering that. If my coun-
try is doing something I think is morally
wrong—which is what some of the anti-
war people felt, I give them that re-
spect—then ] think you have to say,

“Well, no. "here's a moral limit here.
something I really can't associate

I can en)

ge that as a possibil-
Say, if we tried to seize Panama—the
country, not just the canal: That would
be such a violation of my thoughts
about where our country ought to go
that I would have a tough time decid-
ing. I felt my country made a terrible

mistake in overthrowing Diem [in South
Vietnam in 1963]. But I stayed within

the structure and tried to recover from
that shock. If President Kennedy had
given the order to have him shot, then I
think I would have... .

PLAYBOY: What would you have donc?
coLBy: I no idea at this point.
PLAYBOY: You obviously have very strong.
feelings about. the Diem overthrow and
we will come back to that. But one more
question on this subject of disagreeing
with your country: Had you been in
college during the Sixties, on which s
of the student movements do you think
you would have been?

Corby: Thats an interesting question. I
don't think I would have been in the
antiwar movement. I was in Princeton
when the British had the pacifist Oxford
movement in 36 and '37. I thought that
pretty farfetched, pretty absurd. So did
the pacifists, two or three years later. I
think if I had been collége during
the late Sixties, I would have tried to
draw some kind of middle position be
tween those who were opposed to the
war as immoral and those who were op-
posed to the opposers—the hard-hat
kind of people.

PLAYBOY: Do you think the comparison
between the Thirties movement in
Great Britain and the Sixties movement
in America is a fair one?

CoiBY: I'm just saying that I'm not a
pacifist. I don't believe that unilateral

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PLAYBOY

pacifism works. There are some things
one has to fight for.

PLAYBOY: So the war resisters of the Six-
ties were wrong?

COLBY: Yes. I think the Government was
wrong in the way it did it, but I think.
the antiwar movement was wrong in
fceling that we should not assist in
South Vietnam.

PLAYBOY: You [ought in World War
Two. Do you consider yourself a brave
man?

CoIBY; I get frightened when things get
dangerous. If you're not frightened, you
don't really appreciate what the prob-
lem is. I get the heat in the top of my
mouth once in a while when things are
a liule dicy. But I don't think you
should single yourself out for laudatory
adjective

PLAYBOY: Still, when you were a com-
mando paratrooper, you were dropped
behind enemy lines, at one point in the
wrong place. How did you react to such.
a dangerous situation?

COLBY: ] was not very happy about it.
No use sitting around analyzing it. At
that point, you have made the analysis:
You're in the wrong place. Its time
lo go.

PLAYBOY: Did you kill anyone?

COLBY: Sure, during World War Two.
PLAYBOY: In what situation?

COLBY: In France, an attack with a
bunch of French Resistance people. We
heard a German plane had been
nocked down and we went out to shoot
it up and got in a fight. 1 think we had
one wounded and they had a couple
Killed.

PLAYBOY: Did you see the person you
killed?

COLBY: No. J aimed at him, but I didn't
sec him after that.

PLAYBOY: Did you have an emotional
reaction to killing the first time?

COLBY: I didn't like it. I really think we
ought to be able to solve our problems
in this world in a better way than that.
PLAYBOY: But did it disturb you emo-
tionally?

COLBY: No, I don't think so.

PLAYBOY: What we've been driving at is
that some critics have called you cold-
blooded. We just asked you how it felt
to kill and you said you had no reaction
other than an intellectual one.

COLBY: I tried to keep it on that level. I
tried to do my duty.

PLAYBOY: When you became a spy, did
you consciously try to make your ap-
pearance bland?

colby: Nondescript.

PLAYBOY: And did that represent a
change from what you were like before?
COLBY: No, I don't think so. I was never
a flamboyant leader. During World War
Two, I got into a little trouble with
the MPs in London because a friend of
mine and I decided we would make our
uniforms a little more colorful and we
bought a couple of British green berets.

We were picked up in London for being
out of uniform. I think that's probably
the first of the American Green Berets,
in 1944.

PLAYBOY: What can you tell us of the
real CIA, as opposed to the image in
popular folklore? For instance, have you
scen any movies that deal with spies
accurately?

COLBY: There were a couple made after
World War Two about the British that
I thought were pretty good. I can't give
you the titles. Some written accounts of
the Cuban Missile Crisis give a pretty
good flavor of how intelligence con-
tributes to decision making. Theodore
Sorenson's book and the one by—what's
his name? With the bow tie? Arthur
Schlesinger.

PLAYBOY: Did you see Three Days of
the Gondor?

COLBY: I saw it on an airplane. It's
baloney. It’s just plain baloney. The
baloney part is the theory that there's
some interior plot or group in CIA
that determines its policies and elimi-
nates those who disagree.

PLAYBOY: What about the TV series
Washington: Behind Glosed Doors?
COLBY: I saw about two of the episodes
and I thought they were outrageous.
First, the concept that the director of
CIA is some independent power in
Washington, spending all of his time
keeping up with and manipulating
American political decisions. Second,
the outrage of saying—and it was a
veiled reference to Helms—that Helms
had blackmailed the Presidenti
on—into making him Ambassador [to
Iran] by threatening to reveal something
about the Watergate affair. Well, of
course, the fact is that Helms is the fel-
low who,said no to Watergate, said no
to the cover-up, said he wouldn't be in.
volved in it—and it's just outrageous to
have that image of the director of CIA
and of Helms put on the tube in e
home in America. It’s just fals
history. It’s not even fiction,
PLAYBOY: Many people do not think
Helms was as heroic as you say. Some
think he perjured himself for Nixon's
sake and thus had a hold over Nixon.
CoibY: I don't think Helms perjured
himself. And that had nothing to do
with Watergate. That was the Chilean
thing.

PLAYBOY: We were referring to the Sen-
ate hearings in which he apparently lied
about CIA inyolvement.

nkly, I don't think what he
met the legal standards of perjur
With respect to having power, the fact
was, he was fired. The fact is, I was
fired. So theres no question about
whether or not the President has power
over the head of CIA.
PLAYBOY: What is your view of the
Chilean matter? Helms did lie to the
Senate, did he not?

COLBY: The main issue was whether or

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PLAYBOY

not CIA or the United States gave aid
to the opponents of Allende in the 1970
election in Chile. Helms's answer was
no. Now, a decision was made that we
would do some little, minor propaganda
activity against Allende, against the
prospect of Communist victory there.
During the hearing, the question was,
Ditl we give aid to the opponents?
There were two opponents of Allende.
And I think it's a reasonable construc-
tion: when you say, "Did you give aid
to the opponents?” you're talking about
the opposing candidates. The Supreme
Court has set a very high standard for
perjury, and the Court heard a case a
couple of years ago and basically said
t if there is a reasonable construction
and you don't tell everything, that's not.
the problem. The problem is whether
you answer the exact language. It's up
to the prosecution to ask the right ques-
tions to force you to give them flatly
false answers. I think there's enough
ambiguity there that Helms wouldn't
have been convicted by a fair jury.

PLAYBOY: Mr. Colby, he was clearly mis-
leading the committee, was he not?

coy: He was trying to protect the
secret. Nixon had ordered him to tell
nobody that we had been involved in
any way in that whole operation in
Chile. He was trying to protect the
secret his President had told him to
keep. And so he did. But I say he did

not commit perjury. Not that he wasn't,
you know, less than totally responsive.
PLAYBOY: That certainly puts a fine
point on it. But let's go on. One of the
most sensational recent charges against
CIA was made by Edward Jay Epstein
in his recent book, Legend. In it, he says
the Soviets recruited Lee Harvey Oswald
to tell them about the U-2 spy plane.
Oswald was a radar operator at Atsugi
Air Base in Japan, a base used by the
U-2. Afterward, he was sent back to the
U. S. The Soviets had nothing to do with
the assassination of President Kennedy,
according to Epstein, but when Oswald
shot him, they had to cover his connec-
tion with Russia. To accomplish this,
Yuri Nosenko posed as a defector to
assure CIA, among other things, that
Oswald had not been recruited by the
K.G.B. In addition, another Soviet agent
was sent to corroborate Nosenko, thereby
allowing the FBI to assure the Warren
Commission that Oswald was a lone,
crazed assassin.

colby: Whew! [Laughs] First, I don't
think there is any credible evidence that
Oswald was a Soviet agent while he was
in Japan, Oswald was a Marine essen-
tially on guard duty at an air base. A
lot of aircraft took off and landed there
all the time, induding, I guess, the U-2.
I can't confirm that the U-2 used the
base, but I've heard that it did. But to
jump from that to the fact that he was

telling the Soviets something unique is
too strong.

PLAYBOY: According to Epstein and
others, CIA opened a letter from Oswald
in Moscow to his brother, in which
Oswald said he had seen Francis Gary
Powers. Is that so?

COLBY: It triggers in me somewhere that
that has been denied. I'm not sure, but I
can't flatly deny it now. But it tickles
my brain that somehow we denied
PLAYBOY: But wasn't Noscnko uy
cover for a Soviet double agent—
as a mole—who was working his way
into CIA?

COlBY: Well, thats the interpretation.
"There are two teams who have a view
about Nosenko. One says that he was a
fake. The other says that he was legiti-
mate. It was the formal finding of the
senior officers of the agency that he was
a legitimate defector. That was the final
decision. Not every individual in GIA
accepted that.

PLAYBOY: And the alleged mole in CLA?
COLBY: I do not know of any mole in
CIA. None has surfaced in the past
30 years. I don't say it is impossible, but
1 don’t believe it has happened.

PLAYBOY: Epstein says it’s impossible for
us to establish moles inside Russia.
COLBY: That is wrong. I won't tell you
what's wrong, but the basic i
sible" is wrong.

PLAYBOY: New York magazine published

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an article about the Epstein thesis. Did
you read that?

COLBY: Yes. [Pause] The best line in that
article, incidentally, is —

[Here, Colby points out a paragraph
in the magazine in which an ex-staff
member who had worked with former
head of CIA counterintelligence James
Angleton—whom Colby — fired—was
asked who the alleged CIA mole might
be. The answer: “You might find out
who Colby was sceing in Rome in the
carly Fifties."]

PLAYBOY: How do you interpret that?
COLBY: Well, I didn't understand what
it meant when I first read it, frankly.
But somebody said to me, “That means
that you might have been the mole. And
that you might have been in touch with
the Russians back then." But, of course,
I just deny. I mean, that's nonsense.
PLAYBOY: Is that a Helms-type denial,
which you don't tell everything?
COLBY: [Laughs] I officially, flatly, super-
deny it, and I notice it’s rather carefully
written in the article. But Fm not going
to sue anybody. Don't worry about it. I
can just deny it.

PLAYBOY: Whatever the. Rome incident
was, Epstein says that you did have con-
tact with a Frenchm in Vietnam who
s a Soviet agent. Further, that when
Angleton later brought that to your
attention, you blew your stack.

COLBY: I don't remember that at all. I
don't really know what that refers to.
I don't remember talking to Angleton
about it.

PLAYBOY: Why did you fire Angleton and.
reorganize his counterintelligence de-
partment?

COLBY: Well, Angleton's and my differ-
ences were professional differences. He
believed in a high degree of compart-
mentation, all counterintelligence cen-
walized in a single stafl—a very large
single staff. I believe it
important to get all of the agency con-
scious of its responsibilities in counter-
intelligence. I found it very difficult to
get any results out of the former system.
1 felt that the job of CIA is not to fight
the K.G.B. but to find out the secret in-
formation in another country that is
important. Angleton was too secretive
n his way of doing business. And I
finally came to the decision that either
he was going to run that part of the
agency or I was. And I was charged by
the President and the Congress with
anning it. 1 didn’t fire him. 1 offered
him a different job. He had had the job
for about 20 years and I thought it was
time for some new blood.

PLAYBOY: What about the specific
charge—the Epstein thesis again—that
Angleton and his people were challeng-
ing your Soviet sources, so you had to
get rid of him?

much morc

COLBY: It wasn't my sources. It was the
agency's gencral effort. I believe Angle-
ton felt that some of the sources we had
were doubles—and some undoubtedly
were, and I don't object to that. But I
think his people were hypercr
Most of our approach is in a defensive,
rather than an offensive mode. And this
hypersuspicion and hypersecrecy result-
cd. in a disincentive to developing the
kind of positive sources we needed. I
was not a believer that a Soviet double
agent could badly lead the United States
astray. That was the theory of the coun-
terintelligence people: that the Soviets
could give us some totally false inform

tion and cause us to have a perfect
disaster.
PLAYBOY: The answer to the specific

charge is still not clear, so let's put it
this way: In Epstein's words, “The for-
mer CIA officers who were involved. in
the hunt [for the mole] tell me that the
"new" CIA has now made a policy deci-
sion to believe moles do not exist. All
speculation on this subject has been
officially designated ‘sick think." Now,
clearly, Epstein is drawing on the Angle
ton camp, but do you consider that an
accurate interpretation?

COLBY: It didn't happen under my w
Quite the contrary: 1 say
that there may be moles, but I do not
believe there have bcen.

PLAYBOY: Could you then summarize

tch,
"s possible

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your view of the Nosenko story for us?
CIA's Soviet Russian Division prepared
an internal report that said Nosenko
was a fake.

COIBY: There was a report written, I
gather. I never read it. But the responsi-
ble people who reviewed it came to the
conclusion that the report did not es-
tablish what it set out to establish, that
Nosenko was a fake. The senior levels
of the agency, which reviewed the mat-
ter at that time, came to the opposite
conclusion. I've checked this recently
with one of the senior officers involved.
and he said absolutely, we went through
every little bit of the thing and we came
to the conclusion that Nosenko was
what he said he was.

PLAYBOY: So Epstein was wrong.

cosy: Yeah; oh, yeah.

PLAYBOY: Let's talk about your credibil-
ity. There are many critics of CIA
who wouldn't believe you if you gave
them the time of day, isn’t that true?
colsy: Oh, yes, sure. Somebody asked
me one time, “How can I believe you
when you say these things?” My answer
is, don't. Your job is to review the alter-
nate statements, come to your own con-
clusions. Don't just accept what I say.
PLAYEOY: Does being regarded with so
much suspicion bother you personally?
couv: No. That's part of the job of
representing an organization. I think
it's quite appropriate.

PLAYBOY: When you say review the al-
ternate statements, we assume that in-
cludes the various committee reports on
investigations into CIA. But many jour-
nalists contradict your statements in
those reports. How do you respond to
that?

COLBY: I don’t think the journalists con-
twadict me. There are some extremists
who certainly do contradict me, yes.
But if you'll read carefully even what
the journalists say, you'll find basically
they're agreeing with what I say.
PLAYBOY: Are you saying that journalists
who don't agree with you are extremists?
COIBY: No, I'm not saying that at all.
PLAYBOY: Still, the official reports aren't
exactly accepted as the final words on
CIA abuse.

cotBv: The Rockefeller report is subject
to the accusation that it was a little
more discreet than it might have been,
But the Senate [Church] report I really
don’t think is. I think that comes out
pretty straight. The Pike report I
thought was outrageous. It just picked
up our own old, internal post-mortems
and published them as its findings.
That's pretty easy stuff.

PLAYBOY: Many reporters have written
about the practice of CIA's using jour-
nalists. Should our spies be able to use
journalistic cover?

CoIBY: Not now, no. Sure, I would like

but I recognize as a political fact that.
that is not going to happen.

PLAYBOY: Could other governments use
our journalists, then?

COLBY: Other countries are using jour-
nalists to any degree they can. We know
that. Thats obvious. And, therefore, 1
do not think that we should bar our-
selves from being able to get at the press
of other countries.

PLAYBOY: That doesn't answer the ques-
tion.

COLBY: There are journalists here who
have been used by foreign governments,
I believe, either consciously or uncon-
sciously.

PLAYBOY: Which ones?

COIBY: I'm not going to name them. But
I know a number of countries that have
used their nationals as journalists re-
porting as intelligence agents.

PLAYBOY: Yes, but are they recruiting
Americans?

COLBY: I'm trying to see whether I can
remember any cases of American jour-
nalists and I can't, offhand.

"Somebody asked me one
time, ‘How can I believe
you when you say these
things?’ My answer is,
don’t. Come to your
own conclusions.”

PLAYBOY: Are there times when you in-
tentionally forget things it would be
inconvenient to remember?

coisy: Oh, I think a psychiatrist will say
that you unconsciously forget things
you don't want to remember. But I don't
use that gimmick of saying I don't re-
member. Now, sometimes your question
may put a very fuzzy tingle in the back
of my mind and I may not be sure. At
that point, I won't say no, but I won't
say yes, either. I will probably say I
don't really remember, even though
there may be a little sort of funny
tingle—there may be something there,
but I don't know what it i:
PLAYBOY: We were discussing Americans
who might have been recruited by ene-
my governments. What about former
CIA officer Philip Agee, author of In-
side the Company, who published a list
of the names and locations of active
CIA personnel? [Agee was the subject of
the August 1975 Playboy Interview.]
Coley: 1 think Philip Agee can be con-
sidered our first defector from CIA. In
his book, he thanks the Communist
Party of Cuba for its assistance in his
researdi. He decided to resign from

CIA. He wrote us a very warm, grateful
letter of resignation. Agee then went off
on his own and eventually produced
that book. I don't have a problem with
its being critical of CIA. That part
would have been cleared. The part that
would not have been cleared was the
list of names of everybody he could re-
member who had worked with CIA,
thereby exposing them to all sorts of
potential problems. I find that totally
reprehensible. And I would cite his visits
10 Cuba, the assistance he's had from the
Cubans, the fact that he is sufficiently
in touch with hostile intelligence groups
to be persona non grata to the British.
I gather now the French and the Dutch
have put him out of their countries. Ap-
parently, he has continued connections
with some hostile intelligence services
that are unsatisfactory to those coun-
tries. Those countries didn't do it be-
cause we asked them to, that I assure
you.
PLAYBOY: Agee wrote a book against the
agency's interests. Are there propagan-
dists who write books or make movies
and documentary films at the behest of
the agency?
cory: I don't know whether it's all that
broad. When you have a cultural con-
test between the Soviets and the Amer-
icans, if the Soviets are putting out their
word, then I think we ouglit to be able
to put out ours.
PLAYBOY: "That's a pretty evasive answer.
CoLBY: If the other side can use ideas
that are camouflaged as being local rath-
er than Soviet supported or stimulated,
then we ought to be able to use ideas
camouflaged as local ideas.
PLAYBOY: So, have we—or has CIA?
couv: I think CIA did help produce
books abroad, yes. In a few cases, it
helped produce a book in America for
distribution abroad—had it published
here. In some cases, it provided material
to people who then wrote their own
books.
PLAYBOY: "This is all very vague. Let's get
down to specifics. Praeger and Fodor—
two well-known publishing houses—
have been mentioned as having been
used by CIA.
cousy: I'm not sure I could say. This is
one of those things where I really don't
like to name names. Because I really
don’t think CIA ought to go around
making secret arrangements with people
and later give out the names.
PLAYBOY: You once mentioned in a com-
mittee hearing that CIA used Reuters,
the British equivalent of A.P. or U.P.I.
Later, you retracted that. Tell us about
Reuters.
coy: Oh, there's nothing. Unfortu-
nately, that was a pure throw-off phrase,
"like Reuters." It wasn't a reference to
(continued on page 164)

ASTRAL PROJECTION AND THE

PLANT'S “HEARTBEAT” THRILLS
SCIENTISTS AT OXFORD MEETING
Hindu Savant Causes Further Sen-
sation by Showing "Blood" of Plant
article Flowing
AUDIENCE SITS ABSORBED.
By CARL SAGAN Watches with Rapt Attention as
Lecturer Submits Snapdragon to
Death Struggle
— The New York Times,
August 7, 1926, Page 1

IN THE SECOND CENTURY A.D., in the reign
of Marcus Aurelius, there lived in Greece
a master con man named Alexander of
Abonutichus—handsome, clever and to-
tally unscrupulous, he, in the words of
one of his contemporaries, "went about
living on occult pretensions.” In his most
famous imposture, “he rushed into the
market place, naked except for a gold-
spangled loincloth; with nothing but this
and his scimitar, and shaking his long,

loose hair, like fanatics who collect mon-
ey in the name of Cybele, he climbed
onto a Jofty altar and delivered a ha-
rangue" predicting the advent of a new
god. Alexander then raced to the con-
struction site of a new temple, the crowd
streaming after him, and discovered—
where he had previously emplaced it—a
goose egg in which he had secretly sealed.
a baby snake. Opening the egg, he an-
nounced the snakelet as the god he had.

COULD COUNT

ufos, magical
pyramids, bermuda
triangles and other
strange phenomena —
examined in the
cold light of reason

prophesied. After retiring to his house
for a few days, Alexander admitted the
breathless crowds, who observed his body
now entwined with a large serpent: The
snake had grown impressively in the in-
terim. "The serpent was, in fact, of a
large and conveniently docile variety,
procured for this purpose earlier in
Macedonia and outfitted with a linen
head of somewhat human countenance,
"The room was dimly lit. Because of the

ILLUSTRATION BY DENNIS MAGDICH

PLAYBOY

press of the crowd, no visitor could stay
for very long or inspect the serpent very
carefully. The opinion of the multitude
was that Alexander had, indeed, deliv-
ered a god.

Alexander then announced that the
god would give answers to written ques-
tions delivered in sealed envelopes.
When alone, he would then lift off or
duplicate the seal, read the message, re-
make the envelope and attach an oracu-
lar answer. People flocked to this marvel
from the periphery of the Empire as well
as from Rome, its capital. In those cases
where the oracle later proved not just
ambiguous but dead-wrong, Alexander
had a simple solution: He altered the
record of what response he had given.
And should the question of a rich man
or woman reveal some weakness or guilty
secret, Alexander proved not to scruple
at extortion. The result of all these ac-
tivities was an income equivalent to sev-
eral hundred thousand dollars per year
and fame rivaled by few men of his time.

We may smile at Alexander the Ora-
cle-Monger. We understand that people
would like to foretell the future and
make contact with the gods. But we
would not nowadays be taken in by such
a fraud. Or would we? M. Lamar Keene
spent 18 years as a spiritualist medium.
He was pastor of the New Age Assembly
Church in "Tampa, a trustee of the Uni-
versal Spiritualist Association and for
many years a leading figure in the main-
stream of the American spiritualist
movement, He is also a self-confessed
fraud, who believes, from firsthand
knowledge, that virtually all spirit read-
ings, séances and mediumistic messages
from the dead are conscious deceptions,
contrived to exploit the grief and long-
ing we feel for deceased friends and
relatives. Keene, like Alexander, would
answer questions given to him in
sealed envelopes—in this case, not in pri-
vate but on the pulpit. He viewed the
contents with a bright concealed light or
by smearing lighter fluid, either of which
can render the envelope momentarily
transparent. He would find lost objects,
present people with astounding revela-
tions about their private lives that “no
one could kno commune with the
Spirits and materialize ectoplasm in the
darkness of the séance—all based on
the simplest tricks, an unswerving self-
confidence and, most of all, on the
monumental credulity, the utter lack of
skepticism he found in his parishioners
and clients. Keene believes, as did Harry
Houdini, not only that such fraud is
rampant among the spiritualists but also
that they are highly organized to ex-
change data on potential clients, in order
to make the revelations of the séance
more astonishing. Like the viewing of

Alexander's serpent, the séances all take
place in darkened rooms—because the
deception would be too easily penetrated
in the light. In his peak earning years,
Keene earned well over $100,000 a year
for his church,

From Alexander's time to our own—
indeed, probably for as long as human
beings have inhabited this planet—
people have discovered they can make
money by pretending to arcane or occult
knowledge. A charming and enlightening
account of some of these bamboozles can
be found in a remarkable book pub-
lished in 1852 in London, Extraordinary
Popular Delusions and the Madness of
Growds, by Charles Mackay. The late
Bernard Baruch claimed that the book
saved him millions of dollars—presum-
ably by alerting him to which idiot
schemes he should not invest his money
in. Mackay's treatment ranges from al-
chemy, prophecy and faith healing to
haunted houses, the Crusades and the
"influence of politics and religion on
the hair and beard." The value of the
book, like the accounts of Alexander the
Oracle-Monger, lies in the remoteness of
the frauds and delusions described. Many
of the impostures do not have a contem-
porary ring and only weakly engage our
passions: It becomes clear how people in
other times were deceived. But after
reading many such cases, we begin to
wonder what the comparable contempo-
rary versions are. People's feelings are as
strong as they always were and skepticism
is probably as unfashionable today as in
any other age. Accordingly, there ought
to be bamboozles galore in contemporary
society. And there are.

In Alexanders time, as in Mackay's,
religion was the source of most accepted
insights and prevailing world views.
‘Those intent on bamboozling the public
often did so
course, still being done, as the testimony
of penitent spiritualists attests. But in
the past 100 years—whether for good or
for ill—science has emerged in the pop-
ular mind as the primary means of pene-
trating the secrets of the universe, and
so we should expect many contemporary
bamboozles to have a scientific ring. And
they do.

Today there are many claims made at
the edge or border of science—assertions
that excite popular interest and, in many
cases, that would be of profound scien-
tific importance if only they were true.
They are out of the ordinary, a break
from the humdrum world, and often
imply something hopeful: for example,
that we have vast, untapped powers; or
that unseen forces are about to save us
from ourselves; or that there is a still
unacknowledged pattern and harmony
10 the universe. Well, science does some-
times make such claims—as, for example,

the realization that the hereditary infor-
mation that we pass from generation to
generation is encoded in a single long
molecule called DNA; in the discovery
of universal gravitation or continental
drift; in the tapping of nuclear energy:
in research on the origin of life or on
the carly history of the universe. So if
some additional claim is made—for ex-
ample, that it is possible to float in the
air unaided, by a special effort of will—
what is so different about that? Nothing.
Except for the matter of proof. Those
who claim that levitation occurs have an
obligation to demonstrate their conten-
tion. The burden of proof is on them,
not on those who might be skeptical.
Many claims of levitation have been
made in the past 100 years, but photo-
graphs of people rising 15 feet into the
air have never been taken under condi-
tions that exclude fraud.

Or, to take another example, consider
what is sometimes called astral projec-
tion. Under conditions of religious ec-
stasy or hypnagogic sleep or sometimes
under the influence of a hallucinogen,
people report the distinct sensation of
stepping outside the body, leaving it,
effortlessly floating to some other place
in the room (often near the ceiling), and
only at the end of the experience re-
merging with the body. If such a thing
can actually happen, it is certainly of
great importance; it implies something
about the nature of human personality
and even about the possibility of “life
after death.” Indeed, some people who
have had near-death experiences, or who
haye been declared clinically dead and
then have revived, report similar sensa-
tions. But the fact that a sensation is
reported does not mean that it occurred
as claimed. There might, for example,
be a common wiring defect in human
neuroanatomy that leads under certain
circumstances always to the same
illusion of astral projection,

‘There is a simple way to test astral
projection. In your absence, have a friend
place a book face up on a high and in-
accessible shelf in the library. Then, if
you ever have an astral projection expe-
rience, float to the book and read the
title. When your body reawakens and
you correctly announce what you have
read, you will have provided some evi-
dence for the physical reality of astral
projection. But, of course, there must be
no other way for you to know the title of
the book, such as sneaking a peck when
no one else is around or being told by
your friend or by someone your friend
tells. To avoid the latter possibility, the
experiment should be done “double
that is, someone quite unknown
to you must select and place the book
and should be entirely unaware of your

à
x a

f
s

"a 7

"How do you spell Martian?"

PLAYBOY

existence. To the best of my knowledge,
no demonstration of astral projection has
ever been reported under such controlled
circumstances with skeptics in attend-
ance. I conclude that while astral projec-
tion is not excluded, there is little reason
to believe in it. On the other hand, there
is some evidence accumulated by a Uni-
versity of Virginia psychologist that
young children in India and the Near
East report in great detail a previous
life in a moderately distant locale that
they have never visited: further inquiry
demonstrates that a recently deceased
person fits the child's description very
well But this is not an experiment
performed under controlled conditions
and it is at least possible that the child
has overheard or been told information
about which the investigator is unaware.

While some modern claims at the edge
of science may be the product of outright
fraud, most of them appear to be due to
a lack of vigorous skepticism on the part
of the believers or because the phenom-
enon itself is subtle and inaccessible. In
the early years of the 20th Century, there
was a horse in Germany that could read
and do mathematics and that exhibited
a deep knowledge of world political
affairs. Or so it seemed. The horse was
called Clever Hans. He was owned by
Wilhelm von Osten, an elderly Berliner
whose character was such, everyone said,
that fraud was out of the question. Dele-
gations of distinguished scientists viewed
the equine marvel and pronounced it
genuine. Hans would reply to questions
put to him by coded taps (one tap for
yes, say, and two taps for no) and would
answer mathematical problems in the
same way. For example, someone would
say, “Hans, how much is twice the square
root of nine, less one?" After a moment's
pause, Hans would dutifully raise his
right foreleg and tap five times. Was
Moscow the capital of Russia? Two taps.
How about St, Petersburg? One tap. The
Prussian Academy of Sciences sent a com-
mission, headed by Oskar Pfungst, to
take a closer look; Von Osten, who
believed fervently in Hans's powers, wel-
comed the inquiry. Pfungst noticed a
number of interesting regularities. The
more difficult the question, the longer it
took Hans to answer. When Von Osten
did not know the answer, Hans exhibited
a comparable ignorance. When Von
Osten was out of the room or when the
horse was blindfolded, no correct an-
swers were forthcoming. The solution
then seemed dear. When a question
would be put to Hans, Von Osten would
become slightly tense, for fear that Hans
would make too few taps. When Hans,
however, reached the correct number of
taps, Von Osten unconsciously and i
perceptibly relaxed—imperceptibly to

irtually all human observers but not to
Hans, who was rewarded with a sugar
cube for correct answers. Hans was to-
tally ignorant of mathematics but very
sensitive to unconscious nonverbal cues.
Clever Hans was aptly named; he was a
horse who had operant-conditioned a
human being. But despite the unambigu-
ous nature of Pfungsr's evidence, simi
stories of counting, reading and politi-
cally sage horses, pigs and geese continue
to plague the gullible of many nations.

In recent years, perhaps the most pop-
ular of these doctrines have to do with
flying saucers, ancient astronauts, the
ngle and other regular
diffuse geographical
boundaries. This interest, I believe, re-
fiects in part the growing awareness that
contact with extraterrestrial life is now a
real possibility. This is a matter of para-
mount scientific, philosophical and social
importance. The subject is now scien-
tifically respectable and there is a large
and growing body of scientific literature
on it. However, very little of the scien-
tific work in this area reaches the public
eye. Instead, there are innumerable
magazimes, paperbacks and television
programs based on undemonstrated con-
tentions that such contact has already
been achieved.

Advocates of ancient astronauts—most
notably, von Däniken in his book
Chariots of the Gods?—assert that there
are numerous pieces of archaeological
evidence that can be understood only in
terms of past contact by extraterrestrial
civilizations with our ancestors. An iron
pillar in India; a plaque in Palenque,
Mexico; the Pyramids of Egypt; the stone
monoliths (all of which, according to
Jacob Bronowski, resemble Benito Mus-
solini) on Easter Island; and the geo-
metrical figures in Nazca, Peru, are each
alleged to have been manufactured by or
under the supervision of extraterrestrials.
But in every case, the artifacts in ques-
tion have plausible and much simpler
explanations, Our ancestors were no
dummies. They may have lacked high
technology, but they were as smart as we,
and they sometimes combined ded
tion, intelligence and hard work to pro-
duce results that impress even us. The
most recent version of the ancient-astro-
naut story is the claim that the Dogon
people in the Republic of Mali have an
astronomical tradition relating to the
star Sirius that they could not possibly
have acquired without the use of the tele-
scope. This seems correct, but the most
likely explanation is that Europeans who
used the telescope—or at least those who
read about it—stopped by for a chat
with the Dogon.

It is not surprising that Pyramids have
played a role in ancientastronaut

writings; ever since the Napoleonic inva-
sions of Egypt impressed ancient Egyp-
tian civilization on the consciousness of
Europe, they have been the focus of a
great deal of nonsense. Much has been
written about supposed numerological in-
formation stored in the dimensions of the
Pyramids, especially the Great Pyramid
of Giza, so that, for example, the ratio
of height to width in certain units is said
to be the time between Adam and Jesus
in years. In one famous case, a pyra-
midologist was observed filing a protu-
berance so that the observations and his
speculations would be in better accord.
The most recent manifestation of inter-
est in pyramids is “pyramidology,” the
contention that we and our razor blades
feel better and last longer inside pyra-
mids than inside cubes. Maybe. I find
living in cubical dwellings depressing,
and for most of our history, humans did
not live in such quarters. But the conten-
tions of pyramidology, under appropr
ately controlled conditions, have never
been verified. The burden of proof,
again, has not been met.

The Bermuda Triangle "mystery" has.
to do with unexplained disappearances
of ships and airplanes in a vast region
of the ocean around Bermuda. The most
reasonable explanation for these disap-
pearances (when they actually occur;
many of the alleged disappearances turn
out simply never to have happened) is
that the vessels sank. I once objected
on a television program that it seemed
strange for ships and airplanes to mys-
teriously disappear but never trains; to
which the host, Dick Cavett, replied, “I
can see you've never waited for the Long
Island Railroad.” As with the ancient-
astronaut enthusiasts, the Bermuda Tri-
angle advocates use sloppy scholarship
and rhetorical questions. But they have
not provided compelling evidence. They
have not met the burden of proof.

Flying saucers or UFOs are well known
to almost everyone. But seeing a strange
light in the sky does not mean that
we are being visited by beings from the
planet Venus. It might, for example, be
an automobile headlight reflected off a
high-altitude cloud, or an unconventional
aircraft, or a conventional aircraft with
unconventional lighting patterns, such
as a high-intensity searchlight used for
meteorological observations. There are
also a number of cases—closer encounters
with some highish index numeral—where
one or two people claim to have been
taken aboard an alien spaceship, prod-
ded and probed with unconventional
medical instruments and released. But in
those cases, we have only the unsubstan-
tiated testimony of onc or two people.
To the best of my knowledge, there are

(continued on page 226)

pelling all my illusions about
Nancy Drew.’ I said, ‘What
the hell do you think? You
I'm Nancy Drew?
How naive can you get?! ”

“1 have these strong
pulls to deviate,

to live another life.

Vd like ta be three
people: One would live
somewhere in Mexico,
anather in a big city
like New York, the
third would do what
I'm doing now. For the
time being, the last one
seems to be winning.”

e was heroine and

role model for millions of
pubescent girls seated setside
on Sunday night, watching
her portray the TV version
of Nancy Drew, teenaged
adventuress and mystery solv-
er reincarnated from the
innocent novels their moth-
ers—even — grandmolhers—
once read. But late last year,
after completing I4 "Drew"
episodes, Pamela Sue Martin
chose to walk away from the
vacuous series and move on
to more significant matters.
She had made a career of
playing pink-checked girls in
88 (text continued on page 92)

“My dod's a Dixieland
drummer. He has such
a love far life, he's a
trip. He also has kind
of a lack of responsi-
bility that perhaps I’ve
inherited. I'm always
looking ahead to the
next day or at least

to the next hour. Some-
times | think of myself
as a blank slate.”

At left, Pamela Sue in

her televisian role as

girl detective Nancy Drew,
with Parker Stevenson, who
plays Frank in the Hardy
Boys. Although an

ABC-TV press release
describes Nancy as "ane
af the first liberated

young ladies of American
literature,” she wasn’t
liberated enough for
Pamela Sue. She plans to
be selective about her
career: “One school of
thought insists the mare your
face is seen an television,
the more successful you
ore. | don’t feel that way.”

“This picture, with the wet hair, is very
sophisticated. It lases some of that
teenaged character.” So does the inset —
shot, which certainly reinfarces her
credentials as a friend of animals.

= =

PLAYBOY

films, commercials and modeling as-
signments. Now, at the age of 25, she
was ready to unveil a radically different
persona. For starters, she played a Las
Vegas showgirl, mistress to a Mobster, in
the made-for-TV movie “It Could Hap-
pen to You,” to be shown on NBC-TV
this fall. She also posed for PLAYBOY and
we dispatched Richard Warren Lewis to
talk with her about these departures.
PLAYBOY: Considering your strait-laced
television image, why have you chosen to
pose for PLAYBOY?

MARTIN: Simply to present another side
of myself. Given the opportunity, I can
surely project beyond adolescence, even
though I still get asked for my LD. a
lot and door-to-door salesmen ask if my
parents are home. I consider these photo-
graphs to be an exploration of my per-
. A lot of people will take them
as evidence of an image change. But
Nancy Drew is not my image any more
than PLAYBOY is. What's really significant
is that this layout is the first time I've
sat down to do any serious stil] photog-
raphy in seven years, since I was a teen-
aged model.

PLAYBOY: Why the long absence?

MARTIN: I had a lot of bad feelings about
photography left over from when I was
17. After several months of doing maga-
zine advertisements and fashion features
for Seventeen, 1 realized I could not par-
ticipate in a daily exercise of vanity. It
was just a meat market; I wasn't using
anything except my body. After all those
years, the PLAYBOY picture taking meant
a chance to do something more than
look a certain way to sell a product. It
was a special experience.

PLayBoy: How do you imagine the
Nancy Drew audience will react?

MARTIN: It’s unlikely that most of them
read PLAYBov. They're very young. And
with the end of Nancy Drew, 1 no long-
er feel that I have a responsibility to that
audience, I'm now doing what J want to
do. I learned some things from the
show: I got a lot of technical back-
ground. But J don't consider the series
a particular achievement. Obviously, it
had certain limitations. Nancy Drew
never cried or experienced an inordinate
amount of pain. There was never any
tragedy or extreme emotion. Never a
kissing scene or any sign that she would
indulge with the opposite sex. A big
moment for her was coming across an
old skeleton in a dungeon and scream-
ing. Or being attacked by a bat in
Transylvania. I couldn't get off on that
at all. Some of it was so bad, I found
myself cringing. Oh, God, 1 thought.
"This is bullshit.

PLAYBOY: Is that why you left the show?
martin: Partly. Another problem was
that the network decided to combine

Nancy Drew with another show, the
Hardy Boys. With three co-stars, it
wouldn't have been demanding enough.
Also, it became hard to do different
things with onc character. I felt compro-
mised. They offered me twice my sala-
ry—$20,000 an episode. I turned that
down. It wasn't a hard decision to make.
ince acting is such an insecure
profession, wasn't it pretty daring of you
to give up a financial sinecure?

MARTIN: Maybe it’s unrealistic, but I just
don't think about money very much.
People have a hard time understanding
that. I don't feel the need to accumulate
a lot of money. What's the worst that
could happen if I went broke? I'd sell
my house and go stay with friends or
rent a room somewhere. It might be dif-
ferent if I had the responsibility of a
family or if I'd ever really gone without.
But I'm a privileged person. I grew up
in a beautiful town—Westport, Connect-
icut. My family was always very com-
fortable. Maybe that's why I tend to be
idealistic. I'd rather devote my attention
to more important things than money.
Last March, 1 turned down a TV movie
because it conflicted with something I
wanted to do more—join an expedition
to Canada with people from the Green-
peace Foundation to protest the slaugh-
ter of baby seals. For me to be asked to
go on that expedition was an honor.
PLAYBOY: How did you get involved with
Greenpeace?

MARTIN: Out of my longterm feeling
about protecting the environment. It's
something I really believe in. And what
Greenpeace does makes a difference. It
has called attention to the senseless kill-
ing of whales in the Pacific and the seal
slaughter in the Atlantic. Both are en-
dangered species. They could become
extinct very soon. In the Pacific, mem-
bers of Greenpeace confronted the Rus-
sian fishing fleet in their tiny Zodiac
boats, placing themselves between the
harpoons and the whales. The Russians
were forced to stop hunting, at least
while Greenpeace was there. The Can-
ada trip was designed to disrupt this
year’s harp-seal hunt and protest people
who come in on ships and slaughter
baby seals for their rare white pelts,
which are eventually sold to the Euro-
pean fashion industry. We flew with a
camera crew by helicopter to an ice
floe near St. Anthony, Newfoundland,
and came face to face with the slaughter-
ers, standing between them and the seals.
We hope that people around the world
got the message.

PLAYBOY: Did you think there would be
some danger in that confrontation?
Martin: Sure. Maybe that's onc of the
reasons I went to Canada. Fear and
anxiety can be emotional cripplers, I try

to kill my fears as often as I can by forc-
ing myself to do things that frighten me.
PLAYBOY: Skeptics will insist that many
actors support popular causes gray to
enhance their own image.
MARTIN: I realize that I put myself in a
position for criticism. But I'm not just
giving lip service to a cause, just trying
to get attention. I'm trying to use the
fame I've attained in the past few years
to draw attention to something worth
while.
PLAYBoy: How did the Greenpeace work-
€rs react to your participation?
MARTIN: At first, not terribly well. Be-
fore I went to Newfoundland, I wanted
to meet some of the crew on the Zodiac
boats, just to get acquainted. When I got
on one of the boats in San Francisco,
these otherwise laid-back, neat kind of
guys looked at me like I was some kind
of freak. They had a preconceived idea
of me, which wasn't fair. Maybe they'd
scen the show or read some of the crap
that appeared about me in fan magazines.
PLAYBoy: What had the fan magazines
been saying?
MARTIN: Totally fictitious stuff written to
appeal to six-year-olds. I've never talked
to reporters from a fan magazine, yet
they print these imbecilic interviews
with me. At first, this bothered me. But
what's the point? They're just so laugh-
able. My father called after one of the
more absurd stories and said, “I just read
that you're having an affair with your
hairdresser and that you're marrying
him.” All I could say was, “Oh, Dad,
please! Don’t read it and don't believe
it.” The funny thing, though, is that I
can't help reading that garbage myself,
because it is about me. Like: “The
truth is that Pamela has always found it
hard to make good friends. She has
always been a shy girl and she has found
it hard to let people know the real her.
In relationships, she’s been hurt many
times. In fact, too many times for a girl
of her age. In the past months, she's
been out with many men. But somehow,
the relationships never develop. They
just fizzle out and the little girl is left
alone again in the big bad world of
Hollywood.” Can you believe that shit?
PLayBoy: It sounds like the prose you
might find in a Nancy Drew novel.
MARTIN: I give the author credit for
bcing better than that.
PLAyBoy: How do you relate to men?
MARTIN: I have a very strong feeling
there’s a place in my life for a man.
But I have a lot of reservations about
the idea of marriage, mainly because
I'm going through a lot of changes. It
would be hard for somebody else to fol-
low me around. I want to be free to go
through all the different things I want to
(concluded on page 181)

“You may not have the biggest house or the biggest car in the
neighborhood, but you wanna know something .. .?"

SMELLING LIKE bacon grease and sulphur
from his heavy red conk, eyes hidden
behind jade-green shades, he carried his
ool cue with him wherever he went.
They called him Galahad, and he was,
according to his own estimation, the bad-

PAINTING BY ERNIE BARNES

dest pool shark in the universe. Just
about every night, he'd be sauntering
through the peeling blue door of the
Pink Lady pool hall, unmistakably an-

nouncing his arr
ing at everybody.

, nodding and smil-
hap'n’, Shotgun?

|
I

Hey, now, T.J.| Wass goin’ on, John-
son?” He was a wizard of rap. Once
involved in a game, he generated a rhyth-
mic torrent of jive, letting the entire
pool hall know that he was, "without a
doubt, I say check me out, the man of the

hour, the man with the mean shot, the
man with the clean shot, hey, look out,
don't let me get hot!" The only one who
could cool him out was Big Mike, an old-
time hustler who had played the big-
money circuit back in the Fifties.

alahad, you ain't never gonna make
it playin’ in them big tournaments,
‘cause you cain't keep yo’ damn mouth
shet long enough to cat a sammitch, How
you gonna play one of those fo-and-five-
day tournaments? You'd starve to death,

i shoots from the hip an’ my

shot is clean. my eyes is sharp
an' my stroke is mean. i'm the
baddest cat this joint has seen

fiction by
WALTER L.LOWE, JR.

Besides which, them white pool players
you always says you can beat—like Las-
siter and Weenie Beenie—sheeit, them.
gray boys don't say more "n two, three
words a whole tournament. The fus' time
you run a (continued on page H8)

PHOTOGRAPHY BY GARY HEERY

the star of
“america 2night”
offers some pointers
on how to score
with the ladies

HOW MANY TIMES have you taken
out "Miss Right," spent $24 for
dinner ($24.10 with tip), gone to a
movie and then gone back to her
place, only to receive nothing
more than a token goodnight kiss?
If you're like most men, the an-
swer is seven times or more. Pos-
sibly you're doing something
wrong, in which case the following
tips ought to help. A close look at

the gentleman on this page reveals
one very basic approach that works:
If you want the evening to be fruit-
ful, let her know immediately.

Modern women prefer
the straightforward
‘approach. Be honest.
Tell her you saw her
from a distance and
would have come
aver sooner, but you
couldn't stand the
fhought of getting one
more girl pregnant. If
this is too bold, ask
her to stand up so
you can see who's
taller. Then, hug her
and tell her you love
her and that there's
no problem getting a
divorce, as you've
already gone through
four or five of them.

SHOW HER YOU ARE INTERESTED

=
RIGHT

WRONG

This gentleman is
making the biggest
mistake a man can
make in seducing a
lovely woman—he’s
being an asshole. Be
straightforward, but
don't overdo it. A
more subtle approach
is to walk up to the
girl, make a circle
with your thumb and
index finger and poke
your other index fin-
ger into that circle.
This requires some co-
ordination, so practice
it first or she might
think you're stuttering
in sign language.

HOW TO MAKE HER FEEL SYMPATHETIC TOWARD YOU

"Oh, this? Well, |
was driving along in
my new Ferrari when
a school bus ran out
of control and headed
straight for the termi-
nally ill wing of the
hospital. Luckily, | was
able to wedge my car
between the bus and
the wheelchair ramp
end deflect the bus
ta safety. Everyone
wes saved, but, of
course, my car was
ruined. The bus driv-
er was so relieved
he shock my hand
for ten minutes and
sprained my wrist.’

A lot af guys ask me,
“Martin, how the hell
do you let her know
yav're loaded without
being too abviovs?"'
My reply is, “Show
her.” Hell, anybody
can say he makes 70
grand a year, but how
many guys have the
nerve to carry that
much dough around
in their wallets? Very
subtly drop all your
money in front of her
ond act like you're a
clumsy caf. After she
helps you gather it up,
though, make damn
sure you count if.

RIGHT

SHOW HER YOU HAVE A LOT OF DOUGH

WRONG

“Oh, thi? Well, |
work in a bowling al-
fey and it was Golden.
Agers League night,
‘and there was trouble
with the ball return on
lane 24. So I stuck my
head in the return and
one of the old ladies
fell against me and
wedged my head in
the return and acci-
dentally hit the reset
button of the same
time. By the time the
firemen got there to
get me out, | had
the word Brunswick
embossed backward
on my forehead.”

Nowadays, a basic
understanding of cur-
rent slang expressions
is absolutely neces-
sary in the pursuit of
nookie. This boza
thinks she's referring
to baking dough and
he's trying to impress
her by making sure
she knows he has lots
of it. Obviously, his
knowledge of slang is
lacking. Chances are,
if she asks him up to
her place later for a
nightcap, this genius
will politely decline,
saying he doesn’t
wear hats to bed.

Undressing a womon
with your eyes is
an ability that must
be developed. Once
leomed, it con pro-
vide hours of fun
anywhere (not count-
ing retirement homes).
Most men try for too
much too soon. Begin
smoll A good stort
is undressing animals
with your eyes. This
is easy, as most are
without clothes any-
way. Another woy is
to draw some clothes
ererntdetanipscsd
then erase them to
see if you were right.

There's no denying
the romance of danc-
ing. Your right hond
caresses her back and
you can tell if she's
wearing a bra; her
face gets close to
yours and you ask if
she can guess your
oftershave. With any
luck, you'll ottract the
ottention of the other
dancers, who will
clear a circle for you
ond chont, “Go! Go!
Gol” She'll probably
respond by soying,
“Let's get the hell out
of here,” and you've
got it made. | think.

Breaking the ice is a
polite way of refer-
ring to the process of
getting her high. (You
don’t actuolly breok
the ice—the bartender
does.) The point of all
this is so that loter
on in the evening
she'll be more flexible
to your whims. The
point is not to get
yourself so flexible
that you don't have
any whims, This gen-
tlemon is getting her
high, keeping himself
sober ond soving
money on an expen-
sive bottle of wine.

HOW TO UNDRESS HER WITH YOUR EYES

RIGHT WRONG

IMPRESS HER WITH YOUR DANCING ABILITY

RIGHT WRONG
A FEW DRINKS WILL BREAK THE ICE

This gentlemon is mok-
ing o mistake by lit-
erolly undressing her
with his eyes, Be core-
ful of whot you soy.
You wouldn't actually
take a girl out for “a
quick bite" or go
back to her place ond
"smoke some good
shit." So think before
you say it. A good
exomple of this is the
fime | took o young
lady out for "a cou-
ple of drinks,” only
to find out thot she
needed more thon
two drinks before |
looked good to her.

There are some no-nos
on the donce floor.
Number one is illus-
trated on the lefi—
never take anyone
doncing who is dead.
Two, leave the black
dances to the blocks.
Three, trying to or-
ganize a "Bunny
Hop" or a “Stroll” is
time-consuming and
embarrassing. Like-
wise, its considered
bod form to whip off
your jacket ond tie
on the donce floor,
and even worse to
point out your per-
spirotion to your dote.

As if killing his dote
isn’t bod enough in
terms of manners, this
guy is adding insult 1o
injury by using cheop
“bor bronds"! Wotch
ovt for these. If there's
a picture of Roy Mil-
land on the lobel and
the brand is Lost
Weekend Gin, turn it
down. Others to ovoid
are: Open Other End
Vodko, all Norwegian
wines, with the excep-
tion of their delicious
vegetoble — brondies,
and oll bottles with a
"happy onimol" pic-
tured on the lobel.

Keep two separate
record collections
one with the kind of
like and
e "kind of
"songs
with lyrics like “Within
the purple mountains
of my mind, | caress
the corridors of time."
You know, the kind
men call bullshit.
Whatever she re-
quests, no matter how
dumb, you've got it,
but try to swing the
musical evening to
your piéce de résis-
tonce—The 1001 Erot-
ic Drums of Trinidad.

songs you

MUSIC HELPS SET A ROMANTIC MOOD

RIGHT RONG
PREPARING YOUR LOVE NEST

Some men believe the
only good music is live
music. Imagine her
surprise when you
say, “I don't need a
stereo—l have an ac-
cordion!" Then imag-
ine the sound of a
door slamming. 1
don't mean to single
out the accordion—
the trombone, even if
played well, will put
a distance of three
feet between you.
Avoid playing along
with records; this guy
hasn't in his rendition
of The 1002 Erotic
Drums of Trinidad.

evt dt
[SEN

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KENT SMITH. GA DICK VARNEY

BEVERLY ETTER

If you ever doubted that words on a page can evoke completely different feelings, interpretations and images in cach reader, take
a look at these seven paintings, all based on “The Accompanist.” PLAYBoY Art Director Arthur Paul had asked the two dozen members
of the Illustrators Workshop at Marymount College in Tarrytown, New York, to be experimental when illustrating the story,
to “flush out the usual concepts of illustration and approach it in a more personal way.” You might note a surrealistic thread that
runs through this group that we've selected to reproduce on these pages, but each reflects the artists very special vision of the story.

fiction

BN S. PRITCHETT

the sight of her dress hem made me

feel that the room was quivering

with her tempers and tears

HE ACCUMPANIS|

Tr WAS THE AFTERNOON. Joyce had been
with me for nearly two hours when
suddenly she leaned over me to look at
my watch on the table.

“Half past four,” she cried in a panic.
"Stop it! I shall be late,” and, scrambling
out of bed, she started getting into her
clothes in a rush. She frowned when she
caught me watching her. I liked seeing
her dress: Her legs and arms were thin
and as she put up her arms to fasten her
bra and leaned forward to pull on her
tights, she seemed to be playing a game
of turning herself into comic triangles.
She snatched her pale-bluc jersey and
pulled it over her head; when her fair
hair came out at the top, she was saying:

“Don't forget. Half past seven. Don't
be difficult. You've got to come, Wil-
liam. Bertie will be upset if you don't.
Ivy and Jim will be there and Bertie
wants you to tell them about Singapore.”

In a love affair, one discovers a gift
for saying things with two meanings:

"If they are going to be there, Bertie
won't miss me," I said. “He used to be
mad about Ivy, asked her to marry him
once—you told me.”

DOMINIC PANGEORN

“You are not to say that,” Joyce said
fiercely as she dragged her jersey down.
“Bertie asked a lot of girls to marry him.”

So I said yes, I would be there, and
she put on her coat, which I thought was
too thin for a cold day like this, and said:

“Look at the time! I shall be late for
Hendrick,” as she struggled away from
my long kiss. Her skin bumed and there
were two red patches on her checks.
‘Then she went.

It was only on her “music days," when
she was rehearsing with Hendrick, that
we were able to meet.

Afterward, I went to the window, hop-
ing to see her, but I missed her. I pulled
a cover over the bed and walked about
the flat, and then I came across a carrier
bag on the table. Joyce had forgotten it.
This was typical of her. She had more
than once left things behind—earrings
twice, an umbrella, once even her music.
I looked into the bag and saw it con-
tained eight small apple pies packed in
cartons. Joyce was a last-minute shopper

and they were obviously meant for the
dinner we were all going to eat that
evening. Well, there was nothing to be
done. I could hardly take them to
Bertie’s and say, “Your wife left these
at my place"—she was supposed to be
at Hendricks. Before I left at seven, 1
ate one. It was cold and dry, but after
secing Joyce, I always felt hungry.

It was a crossLondon journey into the
decaying district where she and Bertie
lived. One had to take one bus, then
wait for another. Their flat was on the
ground floor of a once respectable Vic-
torian villa. I was glad to arrive at the
same time as four other guests, all of.
us old friends of Bertie's: André, an
enormous young Belgian in a fur coat;
his toylike wife; Podge, an unmarried
girl who adored Bertie and who rarely
said anything; and a sharp, dark political
girl who worked on a review Bertie some-
times wrote for. Bertie himself came to
the door wearing old-fashioned felt slip-
pers. It was odd to see them on a young
man with hair sticking up at the back
and who was even younger than we
were—not yet (continued on page 126)

103

104

losing your virginity
canbe dangerous
to your health

“Tf you want to know the truth, I'm a virgin.
I really am. I've had quite a few opportunities
to lose my virginity and all, but I've neuer got
around to it yet. Something always happens. For
instance, if you're at a girl's house, her parents
always come home at the wrong time—or you re
afraid they will. Or if you're in the back seat of
somebody's car, there's always somebody's date
in the front seat—some girl, I mean—that al-
ways wants lo know what's going on all over the
whole goddamn car. | mean some girl in front
keeps turning around to see what the hell's
going on. Anyway, something always happens. I
came quite close to doing it a couple of times,
though. One time in particular, I remember.
Something went wrong, though—I don't even
remember what anymore.
—From J. D. Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye

article By Dr. WILLIAM MASTERS

THERE ARE MILLIONS of sexually dysfunctional men in
this country, and a significant percentage of them have
been crippled by waumatic episodes during their first
attempts at lovemaking. The three major sexual dys-
functions—impotence, aversion to women and prema
ture cjaculation—stand in the wings whenever an
inexperienced boy attempts to lose his virginity, If
something goes wrong, it is likely to go wrong again
and again. The virgin bed should have a sign: TONIGHT
18 THE FIRST. NIGHT OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

1 became aware of first-night disasters while counsel
ing. Time and again. husbands and wives who come
to me for help proudly report that they married as
virgins. When they are questioned in detail, a tragic
pattern emerges. Husbands more often than not assume
full responsibility for the sexual fiasco that has almost
desuoyed the marriage. Ironically, the wives at first
reaffirm their delight in the husband's virginal state at
marriage but then, without hesitation, castigate him
because he didn't know what to do or when to do it.
“He should have known, He's a man," is a chorus sung
by many a virgin bride as she points am accusatory
finger at her equally ignorant groom. It is a travesty
but too true. Virginal marriages frequently are doomed
to continuing dissati ion simply because the male

member couldn't simultaneously be virgi nd experi-
enced. When the blind leads the blind, both frequently
stumble, but the responsibility for this Fall is inevitably
aid at the husband's door, Our culture has assigned
the man the role of sex expert—a role that the anxious
neophyte simply can't play, because it creates unaccept-
able levels of performance pressure. It is a role unfair
and unrealistic in the context of today's human values.

PITY THE POOR VIRGIN

Obviously. not all firs-night disasters are associated
with wedding bells. Any sexual encounter involving an
inexperienced partner is potentially traumatic; and es-
pecially so if the inexperienced partner is male. It is
one of the least desivable side effects of the double
standard. In our society, a virgin female is culturally
treasured, socially proreced. The virgin male is cul-
turally presured, socially suspect and sexually anxious.
He is a second-class citizen, an outcast on fraternity row.
He cannot confess to his status or seck information from
his peers. He must become a man—at whatever the cost.

The how-to-do-it sex books, usually written by men
lor men about women, are replete wj directions Lor
relieving the female of her treasuyAvithout inflicting
undue trauma. The init A young woman into
sexual maturity is a wellsciipyAl ceremony, with sup-
iate an integral part ol

tions, gentleness and understanding, a male virgin is
ely to be told, “This, perhaps, is most important of
Il and should be constantly carried in mind by the
groom: All initiative. all control lics completely within
his hands. The bride does only one thing of importance,
and that is to relax. Even so, the husband must repeated
ly remind her of this and assist her in it." (From Modern
Sex Techniques, by Robert Street.) Why shouldn't the
virginal male receive. similar consideration? We have
been told repeatedly that if the ceremonial script. of
gentleness and. consideration isn't followed with reason-
able care, an unfortunate first experience may render
a woman nonorgasmic in perpetuity. But what of the
male first-nighter who ends up as primarily impotent
sexually aversive or as a virulent premature ejaculator?
1t is time to state his ca

ANXIETY AND IMPOTENCE

"There 1 sat expectantly a long time, had almost
given up hope, began to think about consequences if
she told my mother, when 1 heard the door softly open
and she cane to the edge of the stairs... . I opened
my door, she gave a loud shrick and retreated to her
room, I clase to her; in a few minutes more, hugging,
kissing, begging, Unveatening, 1 know not how: she was
partly on the bed, her clothes up in a heap, 1 on hei
with my prick in my hand, I saw the hair, I felt the slit,
and not knowing then where the hole was or much

about it, expecting that it was between her legs, shoved
my prick there with all my might. . . . I was very young;
but nature did all for me; my prick went to the proper
channel, there stopped by something it battered furi-
ously. ‘Oh, you hurt, oh! she cried aloud. The next
instant something seemed to tighten round its knob,
another furious thrusi—another—a sharp cry of pain
(resistance was gone), and my prick was buried up her,
I felt that it was done. . . . I looked at her, she was
uiet, her cunt seemed to close on my prick, I put my
hand down and felt round. What rapture to find my

ILLUSTRATION BY ALEX EBEL

PLAYBOY

machine buried, nothing but the balls to
be touched, and her cunt hair wetted
with my sperm, mingling and clinging to
mine; in another minute nature urged a
crisis, and I spent in a virgin cunt, my
prick virgin also. Thus ended my first fuck.
k was still up her when we
heard a loud knock; both started up in
terror, I was speechless. ‘My God, it is
your momma” ”

—From Frank Harris’ My Secret Life

Frank Harris doesn’t go into clinical
detail, but anyone familiar with the
effects of anxiety and fear on male
arousal can rest assured that the knock
on the door put a sudden end to the
young man's erection. Fear is the major.
deterrent to any uninitiated man's sex-
val facility. Fcar comes in many guises—
nebulous, gripping, multidimensional.
Fear of being caught by his or her family
when the friendly livingroom sofa has
beckoned. Fear of intrusion by the police
or any other invader in an isolated
lovers’ lane. Fear of pregnancy. Fear of
venereal disease. Fear of being trapped
in an unwanted commitment. All things
considered, it might be best for a young
man to put off losing his virginity until
he is safely ensconced in a bank vault,
with a woman he loves, who has just
been given a clean bill of health by the
local V.D. clinic, as well as a supply of
birth-control pills. But even then, the
young man would have to face the most
fearful questions of sexual ignorance:
"What do I do now?" “How do J do it?
"Will she think I'm good?” For most
men, these basic fears are spontaneously
resolved. But by its very existence, fear
can distract from the stimulation of the
sexual opportunity. The distracted man,
particularly the distracted novice, may
be slow to erect. When there is slowed
erection, or if only a partial erection de-
velops, terror strikes. What will she
think? Who will she tell? What will
the boys say when they hear? And so it
goes. Fear builds upon fear, and con-
fidence in having an erection may never
develop. The novice who doesn't know
this may be devastated by his failure to
perform on order.

During the next few days, when re-
flecting on his personal disaster, a novice
may think of little else. Fear of per
formance increases geometrically. In his
ignorance, he isn't sure what went
wrong, but he is fully aware that nothing
seemed to go right.

Next time he will do better, but, of
course, the next time, as he strains to
force an erection, he fails again. With a
second failure, there is a high probability
that he may neyer function adequately
unless professional help is available.
Any man, regardless of age or prior sexual
experience, who has occasion to seriously
question his sexual ability is well on his

108 Way to impotence. If you fail to get it up

the first and second times, you may begin
to think it's your fault. Nothing could be
further from the truth. All it takes is a
kind woman.

Unfortunately, the inexperienced
woman inevitably plays the role of wait-
ing for the man to make it happen, In
doing so, she inadvertently applies more
performance pressure to the anxious
male. The female beginner usually does
all the wrong things for the right rea-
sons. “J didn't want to pressure him, so
I let him set the pace” el him come
to me.” “Let him lead.” “Let him take
the responsibility.” The virginal he is
drowning in a sea of "let hims” while his
inexperienced partner carefully plays out
her socially assigned role of passive mate.

“Directly after my coronation I risked
everything, celebrating with an act that
wiped out months of restraint. Parked in
our regular spot at Shaker Lakes, at last
Joey got in. By allowing him to lie on
me with his fly open, accepting his kisses
with the delicious abandon of former
days, I signaled that the struggle was
over, It wasn’t the 40 points, or even Nat
Karlan's prediction. It was simply that
being queen, I dared to believe I could
get away with it. There was something
regal about going all the way.

“I didn't get to remove my under-
pants, so eager was Joey to cross my
threshold. He siretched the elastic of one
leg and slipped his organ in; then with a
little moan of joy he began humping

it! I said to myself. This is
love! Enjoy it! I knew my daffodils were
being crushed; nevertheless, I tried to
enjoy it, at least to attend to this cele-
brated moment in the most touted of acts.
“I wasn't unpleasant with Joey inside
me, but it wasn't particularly pleasant
either. It didn't even hurt. I was sur
prised not to be feeling much, for Joey
had pushed his entire appendage so
much larger than a finger inside my
opening. I couldn't imagine how it all
fit in. Watching him move up and down
on me in the darkness, I wondered: Is
this all there is to it? I had loved Jocy to.
the melting point, but now I resented
him, I received each thrust of his body
like a doubt. . . ."
—From Alix Kates Shulman's
Memoirs of an Ex-Prom Queen
If a young man doesn't get lucky dur-
ing his first sexual encounter, if he fum-
bles and bumbles, if he needs help and
his partner doesn't know how to give
it—or chooses not to help and afterward
quick to criticize—or even if he reaches
his goal but finds getting there was a job,
not fun, he frequently falls into the pro-
tective state of sexual ayersion. If he
becomes convinced that he doesn’t feel a
thing, that no woman can turn him on,
or if he knows he won't like it even if

it happens, how can he be faulted for
avoiding the issue? He's safe, but he's
also an inadequate human being.

Of course, most virginal males, despite
the high probability that they will expe-
rience apprehension and pressures to
perform, do function during their initial
opportunities. They at least consummate
the act (intromission plus ejaculation),
but they may still end up sexually dis-
tressed or dysfunctional. When pressures
of performance overwhelm during the
i opportunity for intercourse, many
inexperienced men become sexually aver-
sive in self-protection. They develop a
hundred excuses for avoiding sexual ac-
tivity that may lead to intercourse and
at times actually withdraw from any
form of physical contact. Headaches no
longer remain the woman's province.
“She doesn't turn me on"; “It was a
awful day"; "I'm too tired." How many
times have these old standards been ver-
balized? But this time they are expressed
by men. If not married when aversion
develops, many men even tend to avoid
women in social situations so that they
won't have to be put to the test.

.
PREMATURE EJACULATION

More often than not, things go well
the first night, but they go quickly. Al-
most before the young man knows what
has happened, he is finished. He may
think of his completed sexual perform-
ance in the most positive terms of suc-
cess. At last he has scored. He has proved
himself a man. He can answer the locker-
room question “Getting any?” with a
resounding yes. Well, almost. He is not
home free. Jf hi ginal experience has
been marked by haste and overexcite-
ment (almost impossible to avoid), he
may have taken the initial step toward
the most frequently encountered of all
male sexual dysfunctions: premature
ejaculation, Almost all men who come
too quickly to satisfy their partners first.
experience the problem on the vi
bed. The so-called minuteman estab-
lishes a pattern of sexual response in his
first few sexual encounters that he can-
not alter himself, regardless of how hard
he wies, in later life. His body has be-
come conditioned to one pattern, Inser:
tion is almost immediately followed by
orgasm—the two become the same act,
The novice never learns to separate the
many impulses that signal the impending
climax. He is swept along in the rush.

Several factors can contribute to speed-
iness. If the lovers are in a high-risk
situation—such as a lovers lane or a
basement playroom—then haste becomes
equated with safety. Take the money
and run. If a young man has resorted
to a prostitutc, he may sense the meter
running. Haste is equated with good

(concluded on page 182)

BLOWING
UP YOUR
GOAT

WITH THESE RIGS, IT'S
NOT LIKE RIDING ON
AIR; IT IS RIDING ON AIR

"THE words inflatable boat probably bring to mind a pump-up rubber dinghy
that’s about as peppy. as a drifting log. Think again, skipper. Pleasure-
craft manufacturers itte. past few years have launched a whole flotilla of
nimble, air-filled rigs tliat.are more fun afloat than six horny mermaids
on a life raft. Blow-up powerboats, in fact, can hit 50 mph when coupled
with the right outboard. And if it’s excitement you're craving, just climb
aboard an inflatable ScaSled or a Skate one-man kayak and join the wet set.

WLUSTRATIONS EY MARTIN HOFFMAN

You'll probably soon be all wet ond
loving every minute of it when you
paddle forth in a Skote inflatable
‘one-mon (or -woman) 13-foot kayak
that, when defioted, fits into a
knapsack, by Klepper America, $420.
The doubl@bloded paddle is $36.

Below: You and up to four venturesome
friends ore in for the ride of your
young lives when you hitch Bonoir
Boots’ inflatable 17^ heavy-duty nylon
SeaSled to the stern of your craft and
head for the waves. Collapsed, it's
about the size of an average suitcase.
Price: $585, including a high-capacity
foot pump. Bottom: Bonair's sporty
Cuda Il is a peppy inflatable runabout
(with plywood floor boards and motor
transom) that's ideal for fishing, sun-
ning, skiing, diving or as a dinghy.
Assembly time is 15 minutes. The $945
price includes pump, hose, maintenance
kit and carrying cases—but no motor.

This partially inflatable boat,

the Avon Searider 4M, features a
glass-fiber hull that’s bonded to
buoyancy tubes for increased stability;
equipped with a 50-hp motor (not 9 45 —
included), the Searider will éosily pull ^
‘two skiers, fram Seagull Marine, $2744.

AL THe FAYIN

july playmate
karen morton
says she owes
it all to ma
vern's good
genes. thanks,
ma vern

"THERE'S a little old lady living
in North Hollywood who's got
great genes. She's 86 years old
and everybody calls her Ma
Vern. If pLAyBoy had been
around 60 years ago, chances
are Ma Vern would have been
one of our Playmates. As it is.
we've had to settle for two of
her granddaughters. Elaine
Morton was the June 1970
Playmate. The girl you see
here is her cousin, Karen
Elaine Morton. And if it
weren't for Ma Vern, she
wouldn't have become a Play-
mate. It seems that Karen and
Ma Vern were shopping at a
local supermarket when they
tan into Caryn Weiss, photo
coordinator of Oui magazine,
in the produce section. Caryn,
who knows a good prospect
when she sees one, invited
Karen pointblank to test for
Playmate—thereby setting her-
self up for a $1000 finder's
fee, which will buy a lot of
lettuce in anybody's produce
section. Karen hesitated. A
few days later, Ma Vern was
on her case. "Have you called
PLAYBoY yet?” Later, when
Karen brought home the first.
takes, Ma Vern looked at the
pictures with approval. “Don’t
show those to your boyfriend.
He'll get a hard-on.” Karen
protested, "Please, Ma Vern,
you'll embarrass me.” Yes,
that’s still possible. When we
talked with Karen, we got the
impression that she was one of
the last romantics. One tends

"I've got a great family. My
grandmother's going to show
112 this io Gia bd in L.A.”

“I try to keep myself
occupied. I spend

time with my friends
doing whatever crazy
thing comes to mind.
When I'm alone, I like to
write. It relaxes me.”

to picture her in Victorian
lace, quiet settings, alone. On
any given day, chances are you
ill find her alone or with her
close friend Liz in one of the
many movie theaters in North
Hollywood. She has seen Play
Misty for Me eight times. ("I
had a childhood crush on
Clint Eastwood. I've seen The
Gauntlet twice already. Isn't
Sondra Locke spectacular?")
She has seen Sleeper three
times, Annie Hall six times.
(“The one person in the world
I'd like to meet is Woody Al-
len. Will you please mention
) She will
through anything that moves,
but she has a special fondness
for French films and English
romances: foggy countrysides,
muted colors, unparalleled
beauty. Her private dream is
to live in a movic setting—a
stone castle or even a cottage
in the south of France. At tl
point in the conversation, Ka-
ren hesitates, then asks, “Have
I mentioned all of my favorite
movies?” She checks a mental
list: Silver Streak. Harold and
Maude. Star Wars. Swept
Away. ... The Turning Point,
Looking for Mr. Goodbar.
The Goodbye Girl. The inter-
viewer concludes that Karen
ikes movies. "I never really
realized that I liked them that
much. Actually, I like music as
much as I like movies. That
comes from living in North

“I love jazz piano. Or blues. Have you heard of a
guy named Pete Johnson—a Thirties blues piano
player? I could listen to his records for hours.”

Hollywood. It's something to do to keep from dying of boredom. I
got turned on to music through the free jazz concerts at the
Pilgrimage ‘Theater. That led to two years of jazz dancing in high
school. FII listen to anything except the Ramones. Three-chord
rock doesn't do much for me." The talk moves on: to her friends,
Elaine used to babysit for me. If you think we're
ig. you should see her daughter. She's the real Playmate
^" Like we said, Ma Vern has great genes.

“What do I like most? A quiet walk
through a warm summer rain with
someone special. Making love later."

GATEFOLD PHOTOGRAPHY BY KEN MARCUS

PLAYMATE DATA SHEET

name: KAREN ELAINE Moron
BUST: 34 —— warst; AA nps: A

mercHT:S b" wercut:_95 sicn: LIBRA
BIRTH DATE: /0-3- 58 — prprapiace: PALM DALE, CALIFORNIA
GOALS: T0 ALWays BE HAPPY.

Turn-ons: Horse RACES! Movies, RED Ferraris , Humor

AND A GENTLE ToucH.
TuRN-oFFS:_CIGARETTE SmoxE Rowdies, Cove Scaw, DECISIONS,
Réfcecto Sungrass€s AND WATER BEDS.
ravorite roops: Hor (!)Cveey Disnes , Sreawsereies f Ceeam, CHam-
PAGNE oN ICE, Ancwovies £ Beer , CHococare CHEESECAKE.

FAVORITE MUSICIANS: ROD STEWART, Oscar PETERSON, STRAY CATS
Jonnny CoognE.Í STREETHEART, Joni MITCHELL AND Jackson Browne

FAVORITE PERFORMERS: Wooby Accen Cur Easrwoop, Sreve MARTIN,

K SINATRA kHAiL BARySHNIICON AND ELVIS
IDEAL EVENING: A QUIET EVENING WITH A CLOSE FRIEN

AGE 9 AGE 18

My Néw Har! ME £ Ma VONT

PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES

Breasts, hips, legs—the young woman undulat-
ing past the tourist couple taking in the sights
on the Via Veneto was built like a Roman
bathhouse. "Good Lord!" exclaimed the man.
“Just look at her, Louise. They certainly do
put them together in Ital

“You know it isn't polite to point like that
in public, Henry!” snapped his wife. “Use
your finger.”

What we do now?” asked the girl.

“Let's play carnival,” said the boy.

"How's that played?”

"It's a guessing game. You sit on my face and
I try to guess your weight."

At one point in his life, it’s said, Oscar Wilde
let it be known he was giving up pederasty,
and a group of straight figures in the London
literary world reacted by giving him a testi-
monial dinner. Wilde cxcused himself from
the head table midway through the occasion,
saying he was going to the gents’; and when
the toastmaster subsequently went looking for
him, he tracked down the witty chap in a
storeroom. where he was trying to remove the
trousers of a struggling hotel messenger boy.
“Oh, Oscar, Oscar," chided his discoverer, “I
thought you were turning over a new leaf."

ut I am, I am,” tittered Wilde, "just as
soon as I've gotten to the bottom of this page!"

Our Unabashed Dictionary defines jet set as
stewardess’ boobs.

les no wonder that poor Mrs. Hance

Told a shrink that she viewed life askance.
“At the office,” she whined,
“All my mail runs behind,

While at home my male comes in advance!”

We've learned. that an unconventional porn
impresario plans to make an upcoming hard
core skin flick twice. One filming will be done
with circumcised males and the other with un.
circumcised males. The latter. of course, will be
known as the uncut version.

Our Unabashed Dictionary defines pimp as a
merchant of Venus.

Arriving home unexpectedly, the girl found
her fiancé and her roommate contentedly
smoking in bed together. “The wedding is off!”
she shrilled.

"Sure, baby," responded her fiancé smugly.
“I could have told you that about fifteen min-
utes ago.”

A big-city swinger was showing his rural-based
mother through his super pad. "How sensible,
son,” commented the woman when she spotted
the ceiling mirror in his bedroom. “Now you
can shave in bed.”

When a weirdo in Delhi; said Jackie,
“Propositioned me till I felt wacky,

And insisted we screw

On his bed of nails, too,
I refused—since it would have been tacky.”

My vite and I have finally achieved sexual com-
patibility,” mumbled the drinker to a bar com-

panion. “Last night, we both had a headache.”

A male Hollywood heartthrob was sitting in
a night club when a young lady came rushing
over from another table, pulled open her
blouse, bared a breast and asked him to auto-
graph it—which he did with a smile and a
flourish.

Livid with anger, the girl's escort strode over
and shouted, “You lewd bastard!” at the celeb-
rity. Then he unzipped, pulled out his penis
and said, sneering, “You can autograph this
for me!

After peering at the bared organ, the star
looked up. "I'm sorry, fella, but I can't sign
my name on it," he replied coolly; "would my
initials do?”

When the girl, who was a novice at sex, had
heen foreplayed enthusiastically, the fellow
quickly slipped a condom over his magnificent
erection. “Look, baby.” he panted, pointing,
“do you know what this is?”
re,” the girl panted back, “it’s a blessing
in disguise!”

Do you have a preference in contestants’ legs?”
the beauty-pageant judge was asked.

“No, not really,” he answered, "just so there
are feet at onc end and a pussy at the other.”

Heard a funny one lately? Send it on a post-
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY,
Playboy Bldg., 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago,
Ill. 60611. $50 will be paid to the contributor
whose card isselected. Jokes cannot be returned.

AX =
Rp Be

“Wow! I'm picking up solar energy

125

THE ACCOMDANIST (continued from page 103)

“She seemed to be studying me—so much so that I
wondered if Joyce had been talking about us.”

30. He had a copy of Le Monde in his
hand and he waved it in the air as he
shouted “Well done!” to all of us in the
voice of a housemaster at the school
sports. And as we went in, he was jubi-
lant, crowing like a cockerel.

“My errant spouse,” he said, “is at this
moment, I presume, toiling across the
metropolis and will be here soon. You
see, this is one of Joyce’s music days. Hen-
drick's concert is coming on the week
after next and he makes her rehearse
the whole time, poor wretch. Of course,
it's awfully nice for her.”

(Bertie loved things to be “awfully
nice")

"He has discovered," Bertie went on
proudly, "that she is the only accompa-
nist he can work with. Its very useful,
too,” and Bertie looked over his glasses
sideways at us. “It brings in the pennies.
And it gives me time to catch up on The
Times and Le Monde.”

And he slapped the paper against his
leg with something like passion. Then
he led us into the bedroom, where we
were to leave our coats.

Except André, we were all poor in
those days. Flats were hard to find. It
had taken Bertie and. Joyce a long time
to find this one—they had had to make
do with Bertie’s old room—and to wait
for Bertie's family furniture to arrive out
of store from the north. As we took off
our coats, we felt the chill of the room
and I understood Joyce's embarrassed
giggles when she spoke of it. It was, in
the late-Victorian way, high and large;
the moldings on the ceiling, a thing now
adays admired, looked like the decora-
tions on a dusty wedding cake. There was
a huge marbled and empty fireplace,
but—at variance with the period—brutal
red tiles were jammed round it and it
was like an enormous empty mouth,
hungry for coal or the meals served there
when the room had been the dining room
of earlier generations. In front of it,
without curb or fender, a very small
electric fire—not turned on—stood like
a needy orphan. Bertie was careful with
money and he and Joyce had not been
able to afford to redecorate the room.
One could detect small dim flowers in
the gray wallpaper. In the bay window
hung three sets of curtains: net for
privacy, then a lighter greenish summer
set and, aboye them, heavy, once-banana-

126 colored curtains, faded at the folds, like

the old trailing robes of a dead Edwar-
dian lady. But it was the enormous bed
that, naturally, appalled me. The bed
head was of monumental walnut, scrolled
at the top, and there were legs murder-
ous to a bare foot. Over the bed was
spread a pink satiny coverlet, dolled
by love knots and edged with lace from
the days of Bertie’s parents, even grand-
parents. It suggested to me a sad Ar-
thurian barge, a washed-out poem from
some album of the Love's Garland kind.
There was, of course, a dressing table
with its many little shelves. One had
the fear of seeing dead heroines in its
mirrors and even, in the cold, secing
their breath upon the glass, I caught
sight of my own head in it, looking
sarcastic: I tried to improve my expres-
sion. Faded, faded—everything faded.
The only human things in the room
were our coats thrown onto the bed—I
dropped mine out of pity on what I
hoped was Joyce's side of it—and the
hem of one of Joyce's dresses caught
by the doors of a huge wardrobe, The
sight of it made me feel that the misty
air of the room was quivering with
Joyce's tempers and her tears.

But I exaggerate—there was one more
human thing: Bertie's old desk from his
Oxford days against the wall near the
inner door, and his long bookcase. This
was packed with books on modern his-
tory, politics and economics, and here it
was that Bertie would sit typing his
long articles on foreign politics. We all
knew—for she had told us—how Joyce
ld go to sleep at night to the sound
of "poor Bertie's" typewriter. She was a
simple girl, but Bertie was charged by
a brain that had given him a double first
at Oxford, made him the master of six or
seven languages and kept him floating
for years like an eternal student on
scholarships, grants and endowments. In
the corner stood stacks of The Times, Le
Monde and other periodicals.

"Haven't you caught up on these yet?”
André said.

"You sce, they're sometimes useful,"
Bertie said. And he added with a stub-
born laugh, "Joyce, poor wretch, com-
plains, but I tell her I don't like throwing
things away.”

We moved into the other room.

I must say that any guilt I felt, or
ought to have felt, vanished when I was
with Bertie, though this evening I did

feel a jolt when I saw the dining table
that had been pushed into a far corner
of the large room. Those apple pies!
Moral questions, I found, had a way of
putting out their noses in small ways in
these weeks. But, like everyone else, I
felt affection for Bertie. He loved his
friends and we loved him: He was our
collector's piece and in his shrewd, pos-
sessive way, he felt the same about us. His
long nose on which the glasses never sat
straight, his pinkness, his jacket stuffed
with papers, pens and pencils, his habit
of standing with his hands on his hips, as
if pretending he had a waist, his short
legs apart, his feet restless with confidence
like a boy keeping goal were endearing.

His sister inJaw, the only woman to
wear a long dress, and her Australian
husband were standing in the room.

“And this is William,” Bertie said, ad-
miring me, "He's just back from Singa-
pore, idle fellow.”

“We have just hopped over from
Rome,” said Ivy's husband.

Unlike Joyce, Ivy was almost a beauty,
the clever. businesswoman of the family.
The rest of the evening she seemed to be
studying me—so much so that I wondered
if Joyce, in her thoughtless fashion, had
been talking about us.

We sat around on a deep, frayed sofa
or in armchairs in which the cushions had
red or green fringes, so that we seemed
to be sitting among dyed beards, while
Bertie kept us going about people he'd
met at the embassy in Brussels, about the
rows on the commission—the French dele-
gate walking out in a huff—or a letter
in The Times in which all the facts were
wrong. The dark girl started an argu-
ment about French socialism and Bertie
stopped it by saying he had put in an
afternoon's tennis in Luxembourg. He
was still delighted with us and swaying
on his feet, keen on sending over a volley
or smashing a ball over the net. This
brought back to me the day he had asked
Joyce to marry him. It is the only pro-
posal of marriage I have ever heard. All
of us except Ivy and her husband had
been there. We had managed to get one
of the public courts in the park: On the
other courts, players were smartly dressed
in their white shorts and we were a
shabby lot. I could see Bertie, who was
rolling about like a bundle in old
flannels that were slipping down and
sending over one of his ferocious services;
I could hear him shouting “Well done!”
or “Hard luck, partner” to Joyce, whose
mind strayed if an airplane or a bird
flew over. I saw him sitting beside Joyce
and Podge and me on the bench when
the game was over, with one eye on the
next game and the other reading a

(continued on page 142)

food By EMANUEL GREENBERG dagwood bumstead, eat your heart out!

LET'S LAY THE OLD MYTH to rest right up front. John
Montagu, Fourth Earl of Sandwich, did not invent the dietary
staple that immortalizes his name. Sandwiches go back in
gastronomic history, antedating such nuances as knives, forks
and dinnerware. Conceivably, they evolved from trenchers—
thick slabs of coarse bread that functioned as rudimentary
plates in medieval England. However, the sandwich was
indisputably named for the fourth earl, a profligate gambler
and rake, after he spent 24 consecutive hours at the gaming
table without other nourishment. Sounds like our kind of carl.

ILLUSTRATION BY ERALDD CARUGATI

In the intervening centuries, the sandwich has come a long
way, and Gentleman Johnnie woul tled by some of
the extravagant variations on his ut 1 slab of cold beef
between two hunks of bread. Italian chefs will sandwich
luxurious puréed white truffles. Britain is known for dainty
water-cress sandwiches, but you can also get a smashing roast
beef on crusty roll before or after the Shakespearean theater in
Regent's Park. Danes do wild things with tiny shrimps on
triangles of buttered bread. Russians get off on halvah sand-
wiches; and the Dutch dote on (continued on page!32)

PLAYBOY'S
GUIDE TO
GROOMING

great spas, tips from top jocks, new
hair and skin products—everything
1t takes to look and feel good

SHAPE-UP
RESORTS
FOR TWO

PA, THE NAME of that

famous town in

Belgium where for
centuries Europeans have
been drinking up and
dunking in the local
mineral spring water, has
gradually become synony-
mous with numerous
luxurious health resorts
dotting the States from
California to Long Island.
"The most spectacular
of these super spas
(and, bclieve us, super is
the only adjective that ade-
quately describes what
these resorts offer) is La
Costa, a sprawling,
5000.acre ultimate getaway
located in Carlsbad,
California, just 30 minutes
north of San Diego. La
Costa is on target for cou-
ples who wanta vacation
spot that will send them
home not only looking
good but Íceling great. It
literally has every body-
toning hedonistic pleasure
that you and a companion
would want—as the pic-
tures on the opposite page
attest: Roman pools,
Swiss showers, steam
baths, saunas, herbal
wraps, deep-muscle
massages, exercise pro-
grams, plus a 27-hole
P.G.A. golf course, 25
tennis courts, four fresh-
water swimming pools,
21 miles of riding trails,
five restaurants featuring
a variety of delicious
cuisines that range from
low-caloric (individually
planned by the medical
director and the dietician)
to high Italian—and
privacy. And if you've still
got the energy, the two of
you can boogie the night
away in La Costa’s
lounge or dining room.

The price for a week of

healthful luxury for two
at La Costa should run
about $1575, plus 15
percent gratuity and a six
(text concluded on page 186)

WHAT THE SUPERJOCKS DO

When it comes to grooming, tennis
biggie Bjorn Borg prefers to cast his
lanky locks’ fate to the wind. His
Bjorn-free look is aided by sham-
poos every other day (saunas, too),
at which time he uses a secret-for-
mula product that’s made in Sweden.

Olympic gold-medal winner Bruce
Jenner has also earned himself a
gold star in dental hygiene by brush-
ing his teeth three times a day. After
each shower and shampoo (prefer-
ably Redken's Jellasheen), he uses
a blow drier to keep his hair fluffy.

On the ice, you'd hardly spot hockey
star Rod Gilbert as a grooming fa-
natic. Away from the rink, however,
he shampoos frequently using a
conditioner, and is into both steam
and saunas. To combat dry skin, he
chooses Alpha Keri oil. Digs jogging.

Lanny Wadkins is into hair and skin
care almost as much as he's into
golf. Even on tour, Wadkins washes
and conditions his hair daily and
has it trimmed biweekly. He also
uses sun screens (more, early in the
season) and swears by the Jacuzzi.

Baltimore Colts' quarterback Bert
Jones has thick hair, and so for him
just about any shampoo seems to
work fine. After a shower, he styles
his hair with a blow drier; the over-
all effect is an easy, natural look.
For exercise, Jones is a jogger.

Tennis ace Arthur Ashe reveals that
his biggest grooming problem is dry
skin—particularly on his hands and
feet—brought on by three showers a
day (after each practice session).
To correct the problem, he relies
on Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion.

HELPING YOU HEADS-UP HAIR CARE
BLOW YOUR TOP

For guys with fine
hair, the following
plans are de-
sonoro signed to treat the
strands gently yet
give them body. 1.
Wash your hair
with Aramis 900
d Daily Shampoo and
* then apply Aramis
900 Hair Condition-
er. 2. Use Jhirmack
Gelave Shampoo
followed by Jhir-

Fs mack RepHarator

Conditioner. 3.

Shampoo with
Clairol Herbal Es-
LI sence and follow
= with Clairol's
Clairol's lightweight Son of Conditioner.
a Gun hair drier reall is
packs a wallop; it du Gentlemen with
Strong on 1250 watts and normal hair can
has six heat settings, $29. choose from: 1.
ashampoo using
Redken Amino Pon
followed by Red-
ken's Climatress
The Conair Pro Baby drier "E z Moisturizing
shoots 1200 watts; it can be Cream; 2. a head
held or left standing alone scrubbing using
in order to free both of your Vidal Sassoon's
hands for styling, $26. Shampoo followed
by his Finishing
Rinse; 3. a thor-
ee ough cleansing
using Clean-Scalp
Shampoo by

Clinique and an
application of
» PPT S-77 re-
g = conditioner by
— Redken.

Gillette's Promax Compact 4 Thick-haired gents
is a streamlined 1000-watt Y can opt for the ,

drier that has three heat N following aroom ng
levels and three air set- % plans. 1. A sham-

tings all in one switch, $21. pee wi Hedken s
lowed by its Phinal
(ASF? Phase creme rinse.
1200 Watt 2. An application
of Fabergé Or-

ganics Shampoo
and then one of
Vidal Sassoon's
Protein Hair Treat-
ment. 3. A suds-
ing with Gil Ferrer's
Purifier #2 Sham-
poo followed by
his Extra Body
Nutrifier #2 Cream
Conditioner.

Conair's Pro Style is a
1200-watt professional
hair drier that offers four
heat settings and two
air speeds, about $30.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARO IZUI

PLAYING THE SKIN GAME TO WIN

PLAYBOY'S
GUIDE TO
GROOMING

shower or bath, Apres
le Soleil After Sun
Moisturizer Lotion is ers
a pampering lotion
that moisturizes your
skin and helps pre-
vent flaking and peel-
ing, by Charles of the
Ritz Group, Ltd., $3.

Left: Applied after a

Above: Formula 405 Light
Textured Moisturizer *
erks up skin tones, $7.50,
lure Refresher and Formula 405 Lotion,
is a quickly ab- a deep-aclion hand and
morbediproduct body moisturizer, $6, both -—
Ipatxidesigned o by Doak Pharmacal. mm
lo refresh and
soothe your bod Right: Devin Country After
(it prevents a Shave Soother, a nonsticky p ad
chapping, too) lotion that helps heal nicks
after a day of and razor irritation, $8.50,
toasting under and Devin Outdoor Hand
old Sol, $4. Formula for active men,

Right: These three
Methode Elancyl mas-
sage products for a
smooth skin include a
Massage Glove that
releases a soap lather, a
tube of ivy-extract Mas-
sage Cream and a bar of
soap, all distributed by
Benson

$5.50, both by Aramis.

Below: Vaseline Intensive
Care Lotion comes 1o the
aid of skin that's been
dried out by weather, work
or play; its formula softens
on contact and it can be
used as a body lotion, by
Chesebrough-Pond's, $1.75.

PLAYBOY

SANDWICHES om

*What makes a sandwich great? Bread , spread, filling,
garniture and flair. That lastis God-given.”

broodjes—edam cheese and cold cuts on
soft rolls. Petits pains au chocolat (yes,
chocolate filling) titillate French, Tur
ish and Mexican gourmets; and Catalo-
nians are partial to the tomato-and-ham
Pa Amb Tomaquet i Pernil.

In the United States, sandwiches run
the proverbial gamut from peanut butter
and jelly to the Reuben, which is laden
with corned beef, Swiss cheese, sauer-
kraut and other savories. Despite its
international papers and British infu-
ence, the sandwich is uniquely American.
Where else would you find a special sand-
wich argot: Bad actor is a ham sandwich;
bloody complaint is rare roast beef; and
an ugly American is grilled cheese. And.
who else boasts an annual National Sand-
wich Idea Contest or attributes special
sandwiches to famous personalities? At
New York's Stage Deli, a Reggie Jackson
is roast beel, chopped liver and onion—
slathered with chicken fat—and a Shirley
MacLaine is a seductive synthesis of stur-
geon and smoked salmon.

What makes a sandwich great? There
are four, really five, components to a
super sandwich—bread, spread or smear,
filling, garniture and the ingenuity and
flair of the artisan. That last is a God-
given talent. Either you have it or you
don't. If you've ever been driven by
ravenous hunger to assemble one of those
monumental Dagwoods at two A.M., pa
laying every scrap of food in the refrig-
erator—baby, you have it! Which doesn’t
mean that a few pointers on the craft of
sandwichery would be amis

THE TERRIFIC SANDWICH MAKER'S GUIDE

1. Why ding to packaged, sliced white
bread when there're pumpernickel, rye,
crisp French bread, crusty rolls, English
muffins, cinnamon-rai: whole-wheat,
sourdough, cheese, onion, sesame-seed,
potato and oatmeal breads to be had?

2. Buy unwrapped, unsliced fresh
bread. It should be neither porous nor
dense but firm and spreadable.

3. Don’t trim crusts unless your chop-
pers are from Sears, Rocbuck.

4. Spread and filling should extend to
the edges of the bread. Soften butter and
cream cheese to make them spreadable.

5. Fillings should be substantial—
about four ounces is a good average.

6. Savory spreads add an extra dimen
sion to a sandwich, Combine butter with
green herbs, mustard, shallots, anchovies,
shrimps, capers, lemon or orange rind,
curry, parmesan or Roquefort cheese, etc.

132 Don't overlook Russian or Thousand

Island dressing, avocado purce or a zesty
mayonnaise made with a flavorful oil.

7. Salt and pepper are always to one's
taste and will vary with ingredients; one
brand of ham may be saltier than an-
other, etc.

8. Spccial tools make life easier. You'll
want a stubby, flexible spatula, a sharp
slicer and a bread knife, and probably a
serrated French tomato knife for slicing
vegetables. A multipurpose kitchen ma-
chine can be helpful.

9. Garnitures should be edible, adding
crunch, color contrast and complemen-
tary taste. Parsley is for the birds.

PA AMB TOMAQUET I PERNIL
(Bread with Tomato and Dried Ham)

Popular at El Canario de la Garriga,
Barcelona, one of the young Picasso's
favorite haunts. Some of his early works,
signed P, Ruiz Picasso, or simply P. Ri
grace El Canario’s walls. The offering
Cries for rich, ripe, flavorful tomatoes—
not as common here as in Spain, unfor-
tunately.

Large, crusty, round Italian or sour-

dough bread

Garlic

Very ripe medium-size tomatoes

Olive oil

Salt, pepper

Serrano or prosciutto ham or well-

smoked baked ham

For each sandwich, cut a thickish slice
across wide part of loaf, Toast bread
lightly, then gently rub each slice on
both sides with cut clove gar Cut
tomato in half horizontally, Rub one
half into one side of bread until all juice
and pulp have been absorbed; repeat on.
other side with second tomato half. Driz-
zle one side of bread with olive oil, add
light sprinkle salt and pepper, if you
like. Top with thin slices ham. You may
want a knife and fork with t and
Torres Sangre de Toro, a wine of the
region becoming popular here.

Note: May also be served as a con-
ventional sandwich, with bread top and
bottom, but that is a bit heavy.

DIANA ROSS AT THE STAGE

An unlikely combination of flavors,
slightly sweet and sassy, like its name-
sake—but it works.

2 slices pumpernickel bread

1 tablespoon cream cheese

Bar-le-Duc or currant jelly

14 Ib. tongue, thinly sliced

DeLut pickles or sweet gherkins, thinly

sliced

Spread bottom slice of bread with
cream cheese and cover lightly with jelly.
Add tongue and top with pickle slices.
Cover with second slice of bread. Garnish
with cole slaw.

Note: The Stage serves this as a triple-
decker; you can also spread top slice of
bread very lightly with mayonnaise and
add a bit of lettuce.

HELLUVA ROAST-BEEF SANDWICH

2 slices Vienna or homestyle white
bread
Sweet butter, softened (or Béarnaise
sauce)
3 ozs. rare roast beef
Salt, pepper, to taste
1 tablespoon dehydrated onion chips
1 oz. Swiss cheese, sliced
2-8 tomato slices
Spread both bread slices with butter.
Put roast beef on onc slice and add salt
and pepper to taste. Sprinkle with onion.
chips and top with cheese, tomato and
other slice bread. Garnish with water
cress and chutney.
Note: The onion chips add a pleasant
crunch as well as flavor.

VOLGA BOATMAN
2 slices whole-wheat or onion rye bread
Sweet butter
2 ozs. smoked lake sturgeon
2 ozs. Nova Scotia salmon, thinly sliced
Freshly ground pepper and salt, to taste
2-3 thin tomato slices
1 tablespoon chive cream cheese
Spread one slice bread with butter.

Layer with sturgeon and salmon, sprinkle

liberally with pepper. Top with tomato

slices and salt to taste, but remember,
the fish may be salty. Spread other slice
bread with chive cream cheese and cover.

Garnish with green and black olives and

scallions.

Nole: The Stage serves a similar sand-
wich on rye; Kaplan’s at the Delmonico
presents its version on a bagel triple-
decker.

KAPLAN'S NUMBER TWO

Virtually a meal in itself, this number
two is numero uno at Kaplan's at the
Delmonico.

2 slices seeded sour rye bread

Russian dressing

2 oss. roast turkey, sliced

3 ozs. pickled tongue, sliced

2-3 tomato slices

Thinly sliced onion

2 tablespoons mushroonregg salad

Spread each slice bread with Russian
dressing. Layer one slice with turkey and
tongue. Add tomato and onion; salt if
desired. Spread mushroom-egg salad on
second slice bread and cover sandwich.
Add lettuce, if desired. Garnish with
pickled green tomato, cut in wedges.

Mushroom-Egg Salad: Combine finely
chopped hard-cooked egg and sautéed

(concluded on page 188)

“Beginning to see why he's Gynecologist of the Year—
year after year?"

THE WORLD OF

LEROY NEIMAN

playboy provided the launching pad;

IN ITs long history, PLAYBov has been re-
sponsible for launching the carcers of
many talented people; but perhaps none
has blossomed as much as LeRoy Nei-
man's. His first PLAYBOY assignment was
illustrating Charles Beaumonts story
Black Country in September 1951. Aus-
piciously enough, it won PLAYBOY its first.
art award, from the Chicago Art Direc-
tors’ Club. Since then, Neiman has gone
on to become one of the world’s most
famous contemporary artists, due not

Below, in a sketch for a Man ot His Leisure

neiman's special genius did the rest

only to his association with PLAYBOY
but also to his television appearances as
ABC's artist in residence for the 1972
and 1976 Olympic games. His on-the-
spot mural for the Montreal games, for
example, was seen by approximately
170,000,000 people in the United States
Also, few artists have sold as well in their
own lifetimes as has Neiman. He has an
enormous output in limited-edition seri-
graphs: Since 1971, he has produced 160
editions, or about 50,000 i

feature, Neiman takes us backstage ot Poris

famous Lido strip club to abserve thot moment when undressed girls prepare to undress.

At left, Neimon’s portroit of Yogi Berro
during spring troining ot Fort Louderdole
Stodium in March 1964. After he did the
sketch, Y soid to him, “You reolly got
me thot time. Thot's the best portrait ever
done of me. Thot's my physiogomy." Pretty
strong compliments, considering Neimon left
Yogi without o foce. Below, Neimon coptures
the swift groce of the Oxford-Combridge
boot roce in 1962. In addition to being a
major English othletic event, it’s also o fes-
five highlight of the sociol season. At right
is "Three Minutes in the Life of a Bull," o
series of sketches Neimon did while wotch-
ing o bullfight in Modrid's Plazo de Toros.
As usual, the bull winds up getting the long
end of the espado; but, in the meontime,
motodor, oudience and artist get a thorough
workout, And the reader gets a work of art.

PHOTOS COURTESY OF CBS

pieces. The revenue from their sale is
estimated to be a staggering $75,000,000.
In 1955, Neiman created the Femlin,
the free spirit who adorns our Party
Jokes page. In 1958, he started his fa-
mous Man at His Leisure series and, for
14 years, brought PLAYBOY readers visual
dispatches from such front lines of glam-
or as Monte Carlo, Cannes and Ascot.
Neiman still moves in those circles,
and it is not unusual to see him with
Frank Sinatra, Muhammad Ali or Reggie
Jackson, “People sce me knocking about
in exotic places with celebrities, but they
don’t realize that I usually hang out in

At left are the extraordinary drawings
Neiman executed with a computer during last
January's Super Bawl. The machine, de-
veloped as a joint effort by CBS and Ampex,
allowed Neiman ta pick fram a 256-color
electronic palette while he "drew" with an
electronic stylus. Neiman explains: “It

was like drawing on glass with yaur fingers.
I had fo refer to the monitor to see how

the painting was going. But I think this
machine is an incredible technological ad-
vance for artists.” And for sports fans, tao.

my New York studio. I work all the
time.” Although his work is rooted in
expressionism, Neiman has made paint-
ing and graphics accessible to everyone.
‘The average person can read his paint-
ings and understand them immediately
as reportage of a very high order. Not
only does America love his work; mu
seums from the Hermitage in Leningrad
to that at Wodham College in Oxford
have exhibited it. In addition, Neiman
has had 42 one-man shows and has won a
slew of international awards. PLAYBOY
takes pride in having becn a large part of
the world of LeRoy Neiman.

Below is a 1975 charcoal sketch of Geoffrey
Holder, dancer, choreographer, director and
star of 7-Up commercials. Most recently,
Holder is being praised for choreographing
the Broadway hit Timbuktu! At right

are two suitable-for-framing portraits of
Elvis Presley. "Call it a premonitian, but

last year I decided it was time far my paint
to act as adjectives and superlatives to this
primal stud. You know, there is a suggestion
of the curl of his lip in classical Adonis
sculpture.” Thanks to Neiman, the Pelvis lives.

Opposite, Neimon painted the
defi document of the.

1971 Frozier-Ali fight. LeRoy's
round-by-round visuals provided
a stunning accompaniment fo
Howard Cosell’s follow-up re-
counting of the fight on TV.
Neimon wos later to remark thot
both heroic figures were
“somewhat embarrassed

by their wounds” and

thot they looked “as though
they hod been through a wreck,
not a prize fight." At right is

a charcoal sketch of a beauty
contest held at Cannes during
‘an early Sixties film festival.
Looking bock, Neiman is
surprised ot how everyone's con-
ception of feminine beauty
changes over the years: "Those
women really had strong

bock porches!” he says now.
Below ore several Neiman
works you're not likely to see on
your television screen. Some
time ago, he did from life

a great many privote line draw-
ings of lovers, Below
wash drowing of an i
European ritvol: a woman
tending to herself on a bidet.

PLAYBOY

THE ACGOMPANSE contemie from poge 126)

“There was a large armoire with knobs like breasts
and a sideboard that attempted the voluptuous.”

thick political review. It was the time of
the year when the spring green is darken-
ing with the London lead. Presently, I
heard him chatting to Joyce about some
man, a cousin of André’s who had found
an “awfully nice niche” in Luxembourg.
At that time, Bertie had found no niche
and was captivated by those who had.
Joyce, of course, had only a vague idea
of what a niche was and first of all
thought he was talking about churches,
but then he was on to his annual dispute
with his soli r. who wanted him to
Bet rid of his furniture because storage
charges were eating up the trust.

“You sce,” he said, talking across Joyce
and Podge to me, “I shall want it when I
get my London base.”

Joyce laughed and said, "But you are
in London."

“Yes,” said Bertie, "but not as a base.
My argument is that I must let it stay
where it is until I get married.”

André and his wife were playing and
she had just skied her ball and, waiting
for his moment, André smashed it over.
Joyce cried out, “Marvelous!” She had not
really been listening to Bertie. And then
she turned to him and said, “I’m sorry. I
was watching André—Bertie, I meant
you—you're getting married! How won-
derful. I am so pleased! Who is it? Do
tell us.”

Bertie gave one of his side glances at
Podge and me and then said to Joyce:
“Youl”

It was really like that: Joyce saying,
“Don’t be silly, Bertie,” and, “No, I can't.
I couldn't I -" He got hold of
her hand and she pulled it away. “Please,
ie," she said. She saw, we all saw, he
meant it and she was angry and con-
fused: We saw the other couple coming
toward us, their game over. Joyce felt so
foolish that she picked up her racket and
ran—ran off the court.

“What's the matter with Joyce?” said
André.

Bertie stood up and stared after her
and began beating a leg with the review.
He appealed to all of us.

“I've just asked Joyce to marry me," he
said and reported his peculiar approach.

“And she said no,” I said with satisfac-
tion. Love and marriage were far from my
own mind; but hearing Bertie and seeing
Podge run after Joyce in the park, I felt
a pang of jealousy and loss. In two days

142 I would be far away from my friends,

sweating in a job in Singapore. Bertie
heard my words and, as always when he
was in a jam, he slyly dropped into
French. Lightly and confidently, he said:

"Souvent femme varie."

Afterward, it struck me that Bertie's
proposal was an appcal: It was the duty
of all his friends to get him married. In-
deed, Podge said she was afraid he was
going to turn to her next. There was even
an impression that he had proposed mar-
riage to all of us; but I now see that he
was a man with no notion of private life.
The team spirit contained his passion
and, knowing his exceptional case, he was
making us all responsible as witnesses and
as friends.

This passed through my mind as we all
sat there in his flat, listening for the
distant ticking of a taxi stopping at the
end of the street. Joyce was forbidden to
spend money on taxis and would come
running in breathlessly, saying she had
had to “wait hours” for a bus.

Conversation came to a stop. Bertie had
at last run down. Suddenly, Ivy said:
“Bertie, how long was this awful furni-
ture in store?”

Bertie was not put out. He loved Ivy
for calling it awful. He crossed his short,
sausagelike legs and sat back with pride
in which there was a flash of malice and
flicked his feet up and down.

“Twenty-seven ycars," he said. “No, let
me see. Mother died when I was born,
father died the previous year, then my
aunt Tansy moved in for four or five
years; that makes twenty-two years. Yes.
Twenty-two.”

“I like it," said Podge, defending him.

"But it's unbelievable," said Ivy. "It
must have cost a fortune to store it.”

"Thats what my guardian says,” said
Bertie.

"Why didn't you make him sell it?"
said André.

"I wouldn't let him," said Bertic. “You
see, I told him it would be useful. when:
I got married,"

We used to say that it must have been
the thought of having Bertie's furniture
hanging over them that had frightened
off the girls he had wanted to marry.
After all, a girl wants to choose.

Bertie's pink face fattened with delight
at the attack.

“Joyce hates it,” he said comfortably.
“She thinks I ought to sell it.”

He was wrong: Joyce laughed at it, but

she dreaded it.

“You'd make a fortune in Australia
with furniture like this,” said Ivy's hus-
band.

“No,” said Bertie, “You see, it was left
to me.”

He took off his glasses and exposed his
naked face to us. I did not believe Joyce
when she told me he had cried when she
had begged him to sell it, but now I did.

If the bedroom had the pathos of an
idyl, the furniture in this living room was
a hulking manufacture in which romance
and belligerent. Only in some
lost provincial hotel that is putting up a
fight against customers do you sometimes
find oaken objects of such galumphing
fantasy. There was a large armoire with
knobs, like breasts, on its pillars and
shields on the doors. Under them sprays
of palm had been carved, but the top ap-
peared to be fortified. The breast motif
appeared on the lower drawers. The piece
belonged to the time when cotton manu-
facturers liked to fancy they lived in
castles. There was a sideboard that at-
tempted the voluptuous, but oak does not
flow: Shields were embossed on its doors.
Again, there were shields carved on two
smaller tables; on the dining table, the
carved edges would be dangcrous to the
knuckles. Its legs might have come from
the thighs of a Teutonic giantess. The
fireplace itself was a battalion of fire irons,
toasting forks, and beside it, among other
things, were two brass scuttles (also with
breasts), coats of arms, and legs that stood
on claws. There was an atmosphere of
jousting mixed with Masonic dinners
and ye olde town criers.

“There ought to be a suit of armor,”
said André's wife.

The only graceful object was Joyce's
piano, which had belonged to her mother.
It stood there, defeated.

Bertie nodded.

“You see,” he said, grinning at us, “it
was left to me. It’s my dot,” he said, giv-
ing a naughty kick with his slippers.

Father dead before he was born, mother
dead, aunt dead, Bertie was trebly an
orphan. He had been brought up by a
childless clergyman who was headmaster
of a well-known school—photos of school
and Oxford groups on the mantelpiece.
André and I recognized ourselves in the
Jatter—Bertie was institutional man, his
furniture was his only link with common
human history. It was the sacred evidence
not only of his existence but of the
continuity of the blood stream, the heart-
beat and the inextinguishable sexual im-
pulse of his family. He was a rarity and
our rarity, too. We were a kind of socicty
for his protection. Joyce, who loved him,

(continued on page 198)

E
3
$
&
=
5

THE SECRET LIFE OF SOCCER

A PANEL DISCUSSION

A soccer ball is slightly
smaller and lighter than a
basketball. It is 27 inches
in circumference and weighs
between 14 and 16 ounces.
A soccer ball's surface is com-
prised of individually sewn
leather panels. The panels cre-
ate wind resistance, which
reduces the ball's speed and
makes it easier to control
and spin when kicked. Soccer
balls used to be made with
18 curved rectangular panels,
which made for a pretty
speedy game, The balls most
commonly used today have
32 pentagonal panels, allowing
for more wind resistance
and greater control. And the
panels, previously all brown,
are now black and white.
Besides making the ball pret-
tier, the contrasting tones
help players better judge the
speed and direction of the
ball's spin.

everybody knows that it's the fastest-growing sport in america. here's what everybody doesn't know

sis By MAURY Z. 2M

soccer GOES TO THE MOVIES
M*A*S*H, the definitive

antiwar movie of the Six-

ties (about Korea), concludes

with a metaphoric foot-

ball game; The Boys in

Cm C, the definitive (so
far) antiwar movie of the
Seventies (about Vietnam),
concludes with a metaphoric
soccer game. Time, war

and sport march on.

HOW GEORGIE BEST CHANGED THE GAME

Until the mid-Sixties, soccer
was a kick-and-shoot game.
And then came Georgie Best,
the helpful instructor pic-
tured on these pages with
Playmate Sondra Theodore.
Popularly known for his
rugged swinger image (more
than once he's been called
“the Joe Namath of soccer"),
Best gave the game some-
thing much more substantial
than glamor—he revived
the theretofore lost art of
dribbling.

“There are times,” a fellow
player once said of Best,
“when you want to wring his
neck. He hangs on to the
ball when other players have
found better positions, and
you know that these players
will not keep running into

OUT OF THE FAMILY
‘The man on the left is

> Stan Musial, the baseball
great who, as far as we
» know, has never played
soccer. His distant
zx cousin Adam
— “Musial is also a
superathlete.
" Did Adam

J ever think of following
in cousin Stan's footsteps?
o, Adam stayed in Poland

Js: became a star on the

» Polish World Cup soccer team.

space if they aren't going to
get the ball. Then, out of
the blue, he does something
which wins tlie match. It's
then you know that you're in
the presence of something
exceptional."

Soccer, so the old theory
goes, is a team game; dribblers
like Best, men who keep con-
trol of the ball until they get
into position for a good shot,
have been traditionally con-
sidered self-indulgent. Increas-
ingly, however, players and
fans have come to believe that
results are all that matters.
And Georgie Best, who now
plays for the Los Angeles
Aztecs of the North American
Soccer League, is a very
prolific goal scorer. No one
considers him self-indulgent.

HOW THE BRITISH TOOK THE
MANLINESS OUT OF SOCCER

In soccer, the term tackling
means taking the ball away
from an opponent with your
feet. It does not mean
wrestling an opponent to the
ground and tap-dancing
on his temples. The soccer
player is not trying to stop
his opponent; he is trying to
gain control of the ball.

And that's what the foot of the
tackler must touch—the
ball. If the foot touches the

opponent, a penalty should
result,

That is about as precise as
soccer rules get regarding
tackling. In fact, in the sport's
rather liberal laws, there is
not even a precise definition
for the term. While tackling
has traditionally been an inte-
gral part of the game,
always left to the di:
the referee as to whether
or notan individual tackle was
; the result of
this latitude was an increasing-
ly vicious and dangerous
game that, by the late Sixties,
came to alarm the sport's
governing authorities—espe-
cially those in Great Britain.

Consequently, in 1971,

a new disciplinary code was
devised by England's referees
that set new bounds on legal
tackles by attempting to abol-
ish the tackle from behind—
a move in which the tackling
player made contact with

the ball by crashing his foot
through an opponent's leg.
Under the new code, the
tackle from behind is
permissible only if the tackler
manages to hit the ball before
he hits the opponent's leg.

A great cry immediately
went up from soccer fans
that the new code took the
“manliness” out of the
game; and many players com-
plained that they were being
stripped of their best—and
favorite—move.

And now, here’s
Georgie
Best to show

you the proper
way to tackle the
ball (text above).

ROCK JOCKS

Elton John is part owner
of the Los Angeles Aztecs of
the North American Soccer
League and is chairman of
England's Watford Football
Club. Last year, he took time
off from a concert tour to
attend to his official soccer
duties.

Rod Stewart, an equally
avid fan, frequently joins
his band members in kicking a
ball around during con-
certs; and a small park near
Stewart's Los Angeles home
has become a traditional site
for rock-star soccer matches.

And in Philadelphia, a
number of rock superstars—
including Peter Frampton,

Paul Simon and Rick Wake-
man—recently bought the
N.A.S.L.s Philadelphia fran-
chise, a team named the
Fury. “I would have loved to
be a pro soccer player,”
Wakeman said at a press
conference announcing the
acquisition. “It's every

boy's dream . . .a Walter
Mitty fantasy.”

Wakeman and his fellow
performers/owners were only
a step behind rock entrepre-
neur Ahmet Ertegun, the
head of Adantic Records,
who in 1970 became the presi-
dent of the New York
Cosmos.

A HISTORY OF SKULLDUGGERY

Chris Schenkel lied to us
back in 1969 when he told us
that that year marked the
100th anniversary of intercol-
legiate football in the United
States. The game he was talk-
ing about, the one played

£2

in 1869 between Princeton
and Rutgers, had very little
to do with what we see today
in the Rose Bowl or the
Super Bowl. In fact, it wasn't
a football game at all, even
though that was what it was
called; what it was was soccer.

‘The ball used in that 1869
game was perfectly round, It
was kicked with the feet,
not carried or thrown. Of thc
25 players on both the
Princeton and the Rutgers
teams, two on each squad
were stationed near the oppo-
nent's goal, while the 23
others roamed mid-field; 11 of
those 23 were designated
defenders, or infielders, while
the 12 others were attack-
ers, or bulldogs. Does that
sound like football, Schenkcl?

The Princeton Rutgers
game was played shortly after
the rules for soccer (then
called football) were first
codified in 1862. That was
done by an Englishman
named J. C. Thring in a book
titled The Simplest Game.
Among other things,
"Thring's rules stated that
the ball could not be thrown
through the goal by hand;
hands could, however, be used
to stop a ball in fight and
knock it to the ground.

This latter provision in-
flamed the purists who
thought that a player's hands
had no place at all in the
game thcy called football. A
heated split thereupon de-
veloped between the Thring-
inspired “handlers” and the
purist “footballers.” Eventual-
ly, the handlers broke away
from the main group and
played by rules that allowed
them to hold the ball and
run with it; and what they

my fe
started was not just a dissident
soccer faction but a whole
new sport that they called
rugby. And rugby ultimately
evolved into American foot-
ball, and that’s what Schenkel
should have told us back

in 1969.

SEAM STRESS

When a soccer ball is
kicked hard, it can be com-
pressed up to 40 percent
of its circumference and pro-
pelled at speeds of up to
75 miles an hour.

THE CUBAN SOCCER CRISIS

In his White House
memoir, The Ends of Power,
former Nixon Administra-
tion aide H. R. Haldeman
relates a hitherto unreported
1970 incident that led toa
showdown between the Soviet
Union and the United States
over Soviet military inten-
tions in Cuba. As related by
Haldeman, the incident began
in the following manner:

Henry Kissinger

charged into my office

with a thick file under

his arm. He slammed the

file down on my desk.

“Bob, look at this.”

He opened the file and
spread 8” x 10” pictures on
my desk. I saw at once
they were air-reconnai:
sance photos. “Well?
asked. “Well

“Well, what?" ...

“The place is Cien-
fuegos, Cuba. ... It's a
Cuban seaport, Halde-
man, and these pictures
show the Cubans are
building soccer fields.

Henry stuffed the pic-
tures back in the file and
said to me, as patiently as
he could, “Those soccer
fields could mean war,
Bob.”

“Why?”

“Cubans play baseball.
Russians play soccer.”

And then I understood.
"The Soviets were back in
Cuba. Soccer fields next
to Cienfuegos meant one
thing: The Soviets were
constructing their own
naval base in Cuba.

WHY WOMEN WILL NEVER.
BE AS GOOD AS MEN

Although a player can use
any part of his body except
his arms to control the ball,
the chest trap is the most
common way of stopping a
high ball. This move is
executed by bracing back the
arms, breathing in and
thrusting out the chest; at the
moment the ball meets the
chest, the player exhales, drop-
ping his chest, and the ball
falls at his feet, ready for pass-
ing or shooting.

And now, here's Georgie
Best to show you the prop-
er way to execute the

chest trap (text above).

THE GREATEST SAVE EVER

It happened in a 1970
World Cup match played in
Mexico between England
and Brazil. Gordon Banks was
in the goal for England when
a clean centering pass gave a
Brazilian player a wide-open
shot at a header into the net.
‘The Brazilian later said that
he had never felt more certain
of scoring. But Banks stayed.
with the shot. He dove back-
ward and thrust an arm
into the air; he met the ball
with the inside of his right
wrist, scooping the ball up
and over the goal.

“That,” the Brazilian player
later said, “was the greatest
save I have ever seen by the
greatest goalkeeper I have
ever seen.” The Brazilian
player was Pelé.

HOW TO ADVANCE THE BALL WITHOUT
CAUSING BRAIN DAMAGE

Using your head in soccer is
just as important as using
your fect. The proper way to
head the ball is to thrust
your head at the oncoming
projectile, meeting it with
the broad arca of the forehead.
The idea is for you to hit
the ball and not to let it hit
you dead on; that's the way
you can get hurt.

Good heading involves
more than a sturdy head.
Strong leg muscles help
give a powerful thrust to your
head and a sturdy neck im-
proves the control and
strength of your header.

And now, here's Georgie
Best to show you the prop-
er way to head the ball
(text above).

A SOCCER QUOTATION FROM
CHAIRMAN MAO

The enemy advances, we
retreat;
The enemy camps, we harass;
The enemy tires, we attack;
"Ehe enemy retreats, we
pursue.
(Quote hung in the locker
room of England's 1966
World Cup team)

BALLING FOR JACK
In 1974, there were 553,000

soccer balls sold in the

United States. In 1976, there

were 2,062,700 balls sold.

The projected sales figure for

1977 was 3,547,000. That

is a lot of balls,

A SOCCER QUOTE

FROM SHAKESPEARE

Am I so round with you as
you with me,

That like a football you do
spurn me thus?

You spurn me hence, and he
will spurn me hither.

If I last in this service, you
must case me in leather.

—The Comedy of Errors,
Act II, Scene I

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT PELE

HIS NAME: Pelé's real name
is Edson Arantes do Nasci-
mento. His nickname has no
meaning in cither Spanish
or English.

xus arrire: Early in his
career, after adoring fans had
mobbed him and ripped off
his uniform for souvenirs, Pelé
began wearing two pairs of

shorts at all games.

HIS PEACEMAKING: Pelé
once singlehandedly stopped a
civil war. In 1969, at the
height of the bloody Biafran
civil war in Nigeria, a two-
day truce was declared when
Pelé flew to the embat-
ued country to play an ex-
hibition game for government
troops; the next day, he
crossed the Niger River to
play a game for the rebels.

HIs HEROIGS: Pelé’s life story
sounds more like folk fable
than like biography. As a kid.
who grew up kicking a
ragstuffed sock around a Bra-
zilian hillside, he was a
poor wonder boy from the

mountains who had to borrow
money to go to the big city

for a soccer tryout. In

1955, at the age of 15, Pelé
scored four goals in his

very first professional game.
By 1958, his legend was
international, as he led Brazil
to the World Cup (some-
thing he did again in 1962).
During his career of 1363
games, Pelé averaged almost
one goal per game.

As a shooter, Pelé was great
with his head, fantastic
with his feet and best at mak-
ing up shots that no one
had ever tried before: such as
his famous backflipping
"bicycle kick,” a thin-air, con-
trolled tumble that other
soccer players could only
marvel at.

And if Pelé meant a great
deal to soccer around the
world, he meant even more to
the American professional
game. Before Pelé came out of
retirement to sign with the
New York Cosmos in 1975,
the North American
Soccer League was just.
another floundering minor
sports organization; Pelé's
presence, all $4,700,000 worth
of it, became the biggest
single weapon in the American
soccer revolution. He drew
unprecedented crowds, helped
attract other international
soccer stars and became
a model and idol to every kid
with a ball and a back yard.

THE MOST FATAL RIOTS.
IN SOCCER HISTORY

When all is said and done,
soccer is a bloody good
sport. Sometimes a little too
bloody. There have been
at least two documented
deaths on the field of play in
modern soccer history: In
the Thirties, J. Thompson,
Glasgow goalkeeper, and
English League goalie
J. Thorpe both died of frac-
tured skulls during soccer
games.

But while soccer is a rough
sport for players—rougher
by far than nonplayers
realize—the most lethal vio-
lence in recent times has
taken place in the stands. In
Lima, Peru, for example,

a May 1964 Olympic-games
qualifying match between
Peru and Argentina turned
into a wild riot when a

goal seemingly scored by the
home team was disallowed
by a referee; the home folks
didn’t like the call and in
the ensuing melee, 318 fans
were killed and another
500 were injured.

In Glasgow in 1971, a
stadium stampede sparked by
another questionable call
left 66 spectators crushed to
death. In Kayseri, Turkey,
in 1967, a match between two
rival towns ended with 42
fans dead and 600 injured; the
cause of rioting, again, was
a disallowed goal.

In Buenos Aires in 1948,
both players and spec-
tators became so incensed over
a referce's call that they
beat the official to death. And
ata Guatemala City match,
hometown fans were sufficient-
ly distraught over a loss that
they moved on the victorious
visiting team with machetes
and slaughtered five players.

THE SOCCER WAR

And you thought the fans
who ripped up Yankee
Stadium after the world series
were unruly? In June 1969,
El Salvador was matched
against bordering Honduras in
World Cup play and rioting
accompanied two of the three
scries matches. After the
second game, a hotly
disputed contest won by
El Salvador, the winner's fans
decided to rub it in: First
they taunted the Honduras
fans; this led to street
brawling and then to formal
protests and counterprotests
by both tiny countries. The
hostility created by these
events Jed, finally, to an all-out
war that lasted five days and
left 3000 dead.

NEXT WEEK, CHARLIE'S ANGELS.
PLAY IN THE WORLD CUP FINALS
On December 26, 1977,
television history was made.
Or soccer history, depending.
On the episode of the
CBS series Switch aired that
evening, scrics regular
Robert Wagner (Nat Wood's
hubby) went undercover
to catch a bunch of thuggish
gamblers who were heavily
into professional soccer; and.
Wagner went undercover
as a soccer goalie. Did pretty

well, too, Stopped a lot.

of kicks. Caught thc baddics.
Got the girl. Ah, romance;
ah, adventure; ah, soccer.

THE BEST HIGH SCHOOL TEAM
IN THE COUNTRY

"The school is Steinert High
and it has won the New Jersey
state championship in six of
the past ten years. Six mem-
bers of the 1977-1978
suburban ‘Trenton school team
recently helped represent
the U. S. in a victorious tour-
nament over a Bermuda
National team. The team is so
powerful that opposing
teams consider it a moral vic-
tory just to score on Steinert.

STOP THIS ONE, AND I'LL GIVE
YOU A B-PLUS ON YOUR FINAL
When soccer coaches want
to improve their goalies’
level of play, they send them
to a goal-tending school.
‘The best such school in the
world is conducted in
Nottingham, England, by
Peter Shilton, a British
international goalie who
not only a good player, he is
an exceptional teacher. Appli
cations are now being
taken for next semester.

And now, here's
Georgie Best to show
you the proper way
to—hey, Best, knock ~
it off! That move's

not in the text! Georgie?
Georgie?

THE NEXT PELE

Can anyone replace Pelé as
soccer's superstar and
dominate the American game?
While there is no one with
Pelé's over-all talents waiting
in the wings, there are other
stars capable of taking this
country by storm. 'Fops among
them are Italy's Giorgio
Chinaglia and West Germany's
Franz Beckenbauer, both
now with the New York
Cosmos.

Of the two, Beckenbauer is
the one to watch. Before.
coming to New York, he led
the West German team
to three straight European
championships and cap-
tured the World Cup in 1974.
Beckenbauer is considered
the world’s best defensive
soccer player, and his style of
mid-field attack is sure to have
a major effect on the laid-back
American style of play. Not
that he has gone unnoticed:
In his first year of American
soccer, “Kaiser Franz”
was named the North
American Soccer League's
most valuable player.

THE WORST TEAM IN THE WORLD
Last season, Britain's Sporie

United soccer club lost all

of its 16 games and was out-

scorcd by its opponents

289 points to onc. According

to team manager Stephen

Mills, if it hadn't been for

Jeffrey Nurse, Sporie Unit-

ed's 14-year-old goal tender,

the team would have done

a lot worse. "He saved quite a

few," Mills said.

PLAYBOY

148

GALAHAD (continued from page 95)

“Half drunk and high, he had popped a Dexedrine, a
Seconal and two aspirins to mellow himself out.”

rack, runnin’ yo’ mouth like a washin’
machine, fella like Lassiter’d pack up
his cue and go home.”

Galahad hung his head like a whipped
dog and lightly stroked his razor-thin
mustache, “You right, Big Mike. 'S'bout
ime I stopped actin’ so loud and nigger-
ish. From now on, only thing you gonna
hear me say is rack an’ put yo" money
down.” But the very next minute, he
shouted his own magnificence, dropping
a tight rail shot on a three-cushion bank.
He fell against the wall, slapping his
forehead in mock disbelief. “Good Gawd,
I don't believe that! Did you see that
shot? I seen Cisero Murphy blow that
same shot twice, an’ here I is, a po’ nig-
ger makin’ the damn thing wif my eyes
closed! Somebody give me some skin!"

But whatever his faults, Galahad was a
hero befitting his name. For years, he
had lived in a four-room apartment with
his mother, younger brother, older
an aunt and his sister's five illegitimate
children. His sister was a prostitute,
plying her trade to middle-class blacks
and whites, and although Galahad never
liked her selling herself, he hadn't tried
to stop it. He had only insisted she never
work for a pimp. He hated pimps. A
pimp had once beaten up his sister and
Galahad caught him outside a liquor
store and nearly stabbed him to death,
and from that time on, his sister was a
free operator. He had been protective of
his sisters prostitute friends as well.
"Twice, when girls had been hurt severe-
ly, he sought out the pimp responsible
and brought him to justice, after which
the prostitutes called him Galahad, while
the pimps, afraid to discipline their girls
with more than a hard slap, simply kept
out of his way.

Galahad's goal in life was to win
enough money at pool to buy his family
a house, send his younger brother to
college and get his sister off the streets.
He knew how much he needed, but he
also knew he would never win such a
large sum playing in black-neighbor-
hood pool halls. He had to go downtown,
where the white hustlers played for big
money, and there he would need a stake
of at least $500 to get into a game.

“What you needs, son,” Big Mike
suggested, “is a sponsuh, Somebody who
got faith in you. Somebody who will set
ovah in the co'nah with a roll in they
pocket, tellin’ you not to worry "bout
nothin’ ‘cept shootin’ yo’ game. You
needs a sponsuh like them white boys

got.”

“Thass true, Big Mike. I do needs me a
sponsor. Thass why I keep askin’ you to
put yo" money where yo” mouth is. You
mus’ don't think I can shoot.”

"Oh, you shoots, all right," laughed
Big Mike, tugging his sagging pants over.
his protruding belly, “but even if I had
the dough to bet on yo’ green young ass,
I wouldn't, Like I tol’ you befo’, you run
yo’ mouth too damn much to play them
white boys. They'd eat yo’ ass up without
sayin’ two words while you be whoopin"
and hollerin' and givin’ five to yo'self.""

“I don't have to act a fool, Big Mike. It
jus’ make it mo’ fun. But now I'm gonna
keep my mouth shut till I finds me a

“Gonna sit right here in the Pink Lady
and wait. He'll come along. Jus’ wait an’
see. Ain't gonna be no chickenshit ol'
man, neither. Gonna be young and rich.
Wait an’ see.”

Stephen Powers didn't feel much like
a sponsor when he wandered into the
Pink Lady. Half drunk from five beers
and half high from two joints, he had
popped a Dexedrine Spansule, a Seconal
and two aspirins trying to mellow him-
self out. He walked like he was on a
trampoline and Galahad, watching from
a distance, pegged the tall, light-brown-
skinned boy as a college student out re-
establishing ties with his roots. He lost
no time checking him out.

“My man, my main man, ain't it a
beeootiful evenin' fo’ a game of nine
bal”

“I don't play nine ball,” Stephen hic-
cuped, “mostly I play eight ball and
bank."

"Well, those ain't my games, so you
got the edge. You ain't no hustler, is
your”

Stephen started to say he was a college
dropout, which was the truth, but a burst
of Dexedrine shot through him and he
suddenly felt like the baddest pool player
that ever lived.

"You mean you gotta ask if I'm a
hustler?”

“Jus' fo’ the record, my friend. I know
the only way I can really tell is if I see
you play.”

“Well, seeing is believing, Let's go.”

Galahad won ten times in a row, and
between losing bets and paying for
games, Stephen had only two quarters
left. Addled and weak, he decided to go
home, but Galahad followed him out
into the street, an arm slung over his

shoulder. Galahad guided him to a near-
by tavern and, once seated in a dark back
booth, quickly learned that Stephen had
worked and saved $600 to return to
school and finish a degree in black his-
tory. With that information, a few drinks
and Stephen's disoriented condition,
Galahad went directly to the bottom line.

"So, like I say, we needs at least five
hundred to get on the table with Moran.
He don't play fo’ less than that.”

“Moran

“Sweet Titty Moran—big-time hunky
pool hustler—the man we been talkin’
"bout."

"Sweet Titty Moran, Sweet Titty
Moran.”

“Man, whats wrong whichoo? You
Lest stop takin’ whatever you on am
drinkin’ that alcohol at the same time.
Thad a cousin kilt hisself that way.”

“How much do you say we need?”

"Five hundred. Like I say befo', after
I beat his ass the first game, we be in
shape to bet mo’. An’ you gets half yo"
money back, an’ after that, every time I
win, you gets half.”

"I don't know, Galahad. I don't think
I understand what you're getting at.”

“Nigger, I'm sittin’ here uyin’ to make
h an' I see by yo' expression you
worried ‘bout losin’. That sho’ is a sorry
way to sponsor somebody. You suppose
to have confidence in yo” boy. You sup:
pose to have faith in yo’ bruthuh.”

Less than a week later, Stephen, with
Big Mike and Galahad, climbed the
plush carpeted stairs to the Golden Gate
Club Billiard Parlor, feeling the bulk of
five crisp $100 bills tucked into his right
shoe. His right foot itched every time he
thought about it, but he didn’t mind.
All that week, he had soberly watched
Galahad's remarkable game and decided
to put up his money. Never had he seen
such artistry with a cue stick except on
television by players like Minnesota Fats,
Cisero Murphy and Weenie Beenie. He
had seen Galahad make trick shots that
Willie Mosconi had created, executing
them as perfectly as the master himself.
He was in awe of Galahad's skill, but he
had never been in any pool hall other
than the black-neighborhood variety, so
he was clearly unprepared for the posh
scene beyond the Golden Gate's imi-
tation-black-leather-covered door. The
place was cavernous. High above cool
green tables, glittering chandeliers de-
scended like diamond pendants from
an imitation-marble ceiling, where or-
nately sculpted gods enacted some un-
determined drama. Thick burgundy
carpeting and black-and-white textured
wallpaper absorbed what little sound
there was, demanding a quiet, digni-
fied air. Only the sound of clicking balls
and an occasional “Rack!” pierced the

(continued on page 152)

attire
By DAVID PLATT

DESIGNING
TRIO

know what you're going to be wearing
in the months ahead? these gentlemen do

Right: Rolph Louren's chairman-of-the-boord look—a pinstripe three-piece wool suit, $495, shirt with
conirosting collar, $50, and silk tie, $30. Below: Louren's easy yet elegant designs include a linen

jocket, $220, denim jeans, $37.50, cotton oxford buttondown shirt, $32.50, and silk fie, $22.50.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY BRUCE LAURANCE

T A TIME when the world of
AA. is undergoing an in-

vasion of such famous women's-
wear names as Calvin Klein, Geoffrey
Beene and Halston, we thought it would
be timely and informative to reintroduce
you to three designers who first won
their spurs in the field of male fashions—
and who, we predict, will continue to be
in the vanguard of menswear for many
years to come.

They are Ralph Lauren, head of Polo
Fashions (Lauren also has several licens-
ing operations under the Chaps label
and expanded businesses in women's
wear and the fragrance field); Bill Kaiser-
man, founder and designer of the
European-produced Rafael Fashions,
Ltd., and also now into women's wear;
and Alexander Julian, a young designer
who began with suits and sports jackets
and now is creating sweaters and sports-
wear. All three are Coty Award winners.
And all three share another similarity—
their creations are often quite expensive.

But can fashion, with its inherent rela-
tionship to (text concluded on page 204)

149

150

BILL WE
KAISERMAN

Right: The Bill Koiserman for Rafael approach to style includes this woven silk/ woo! double-breasted

tweed jacket, $325, silk slacks, $110, and Henleystyle silk/cotton T-shirt, $35. Below: Kciserman NN

relaxes in a silk open-knit ring-neck pullover, $150, and a pair of plected stroighteg silk slacks, $110. \

Right: Alexander Julian and his latest creotions—a silk tweed jacket, about $285, ond khaki slacks, \

about $75. Below: Other styles by Julian include a silk tweed jacket, about $285, plus matching vest,

PHOTOGRAPHY BY JOYCE RAVID PRODUCED BY HOLLIS WAYNE

PLAYBOY

GALAHAD (continued from page 148)

“Sweet Titty arrived with two outrageously turned-
out black prostitutes—both tall and dark."

silence. Stephen, Galahad and Big Mike
just about tiptoed through the room, not
speaking above a whisper, until reaching
an empty table by the back wall. Slowly
Big Mike shook his head and said to
Stephen, “Some of these cats here as
good as you'll find—almost as good as
me an’ maybe this young turkey."

"Jive ol mothafuckah,” Galahad
sneered, “you know goldamn well cain't
a one of these white boys outplay me,
includin' Sweet Titty. An’ as fo’ puttin’
yoself in a class wif me, that jus’ tells
me you gettin’ senile faster in yo’ brain
than you is in yo’ hands.”

“C'mon, Stephen,” Big Mike said, "let's
go sign up this table while supernigger
here try to figure out which end of his
cue stick you hits the ball with. Let's go
sign up Mistuh Ghampeen.”

As they walked across the room, Ste-
phen noticed that almost everybody was
wearing either tasteful sports jackets or
tailored suits. Self-consciously, he turned
and peered back at Galahad, laid to the
bone in 2 brightgreen silk shirt, purple
double-pleated bell-bottoms, yellow sus-
penders and a white panama hat. Then
the club manager's crass, bellowing voice
cut him a razor.

“And just whadda you guys want?”

A squat, bulbous-faced Italian leaned
forward on a high stool and drummed
his fingers on a counter not ten feet
away. His dull black eyes darted back
and forth at Stephen, Big Mike and
across the room at Galahad.

“We'd like a table,” Stephen answered
politely.

"You'd like a table?" The Italian
smiled slowly and gently scraped his
teeth with a toothpick. "OK, boys. Take
the one by the wall.”

“And we'd like to know when Moran

“We got business with him.”
"You got business with Moran?”
ight.”

“Well, he was here all last night.
Cleaned three guys out. Said he was
gonna take a nap and come back later.
But if your business is ta play him, you
gotta wait in line. There's nine or ten
real hustlers aheada you.”

“Come on, Stephen,” Big Mike mut-
tered, turning away from the grinning
manager, "let's go."

They took a circuitous route back,
quietly studying the competition, and
by the time they reached the table, Big

152 Mike had a line on all of them.

“Fella named Dime Sto’ up on a front
table, got on a blue suit. Cain't shoot no
distance. Let him go too far down from
his shot and he jus’ be shootin’ on a
hope an’ a prayer. I think his eyes is bad.
‘Nother fella, redneck from Arkensas
name of Osprey, ain't too bad. Nice
control, good english. Might be tough.
Got a hunky down ovah next to the wall
named Johnson. Got a good eye, but he
hopped up on somethin’. I can tell. But
you see this fella ovah heah in the tan
Suit? Rack boy say his name is Hans
somethin’ other. Tell me he got the furs’
game with Moran. Shoot a hell of a
game. Don't drink, don't smoke. Young
boy. Good stamina. He ‘bout the only
one a these hunkies got a real strong
chance."

"From what you say," frowned Gala-
had, “they too many white hustlers who
s'pose to be somebody fo' Moran to pay
‘tention to some po’-ass niggers like us.
"Sides, a mothafuckah like Moran don't
jus’ play fo” money. He play to prove he
the best. You think Moran gonna play
me befo’ he play one a these white boys?"

"Mos! likely won't get ‘round to play-
in’ you till nex’ week.”

“Thass what I mean. I got to play at
leas’ one a these sons-a-bitches an’ beat
his ass good ‘fo’ Moran get here, That
way, he hears "bout me soon as he come
in the joint. Folks be runnin’ roun’ whis-
perin’ ‘bout the bad nigger with the conk
ovah in the co'nah, an’ he ain't gonna
be satisfied till he take me on. Jus’ watch.
He gonna ask me fo' a game.” He chuck-
led, smiled, then nodded toward the
young contender naraed Hans. “Come on,
Big Mike, less go show Stevie here how
to pluck a turkey.”

From plush gallery chairs, they studied
Hans, who either failed to notice them
or pretended not to. Tall and thin, his
long blond hair, Roman nose and cold
blue eyes complimented his bronze tan
and white pinstriped suit. He sipped
from a glass of orange juice, ordering a
fresh one every seven racks. Grinning
like a wino after a half pint, Galahad
couldn't hold himself back.

"Hey, turkey, how's 'bout a game a
e ball?"

"I don't play nine ball, buddy. Go find
somebody else.”

Then Galahad was up from his chair
and out onto the floor, keeping a respect-
ful distance, rubbing his chin and hook-
ing one thumb in his yellow suspenders.
"Whats the matter? You prejudice? I
didn't mean nothin’ by callin’ you a

turkey. I calls all my friends turkeys."
He turned toward the gallery. "Right,
turkeys?” Big Mike made gobbling
sounds and Stephen stuck his thumbs
under his armpits and moved his elbows
like wings.

“You guys ought to work up some kind
of comedy act,” Hans smiled thinly.
“You ought to be on The Gong Show."

“Tell you what,” Galahad offered,
"s'pose we go fifty bucks fo” a game a
bank? What you say

Quickly, Stephen unlaced his shoe, but
Galahad had already produced a crum-
pled $50 bill and laid it on the table.

“I know you thinks I can’t win, but
you never know. I might get lucky and
e you say, I jus’ might wind

Galahad ran the rack in three minutes,
and his defeated foe spoke with ven-
geance, his blue eyes flashing. “OK, my
friend, how about a game of straight pool
for that fifty bucks?”

“Why, sho’, boss, only why don't we
make it a hundred?”

They kept playing and Galahad kept
winning. When Hans had lost $500, he
stormed out, leaving Galahad to pay for
the last game, but by then the Pink
Lady's finest was top man in the hall.
Sweet Titty (or The Tit, as some called
him) arrived soon with two seconds and
two outrageously turned-out black prosti-
tutes. Both were tall and dark and con-
tasted sharply with Moran, who was
short, fish-belly white and fat. Dressed in
a dark silk suit and light blue shirt, he
padded across the carpeted floor to a
choice table by the gallery, his small
entourage following. The squat club
manager greeted them all with gusto,
pumping Moran's hand and all but bow-
ing to his two black women.

“I see that fat dago can smile real nice
at niggers when they nigger hoes 'com-
panied by a white man," Big Mike mut-
tered, but the comment went unnoticed
by Galahad, who spun around in his seat
and stared at his beer, his voice heavy
with personal hurt,

"How can them black bitches stand
that slimy fat mothafuckah?" He was
going to say more, but one of Moran's
seconds approached, a gaunt, yellow-eyed
guy in a white suit and black tie who
smelled like bad cheese.

"Wanna play Moran?"

“My manager does my business.”

"How much?" Stephen stammered, try-
ing to sound authoritative.

^A yard a gamc. Two hundred balls,
straight pool.”

Stephen was about to suggest they first
play one game for $500 or maybe $250,
but Galahad quickly mumbled accept-
ance and Moran's flunky left.

“Less go pluck another turkey,”

(continued on page 218)

RROOM

quiz By RUSSELL H IOU

THERE'S A CERTAIN TYPE of bet that as-
sumes a special significance in the bar-
room milieu. It is a simply stated
challenge: “I can do something you
can't." It’s a unique form of wagering—
there is little chance involved.

Wagers in this gaming genre are tradi-
tionally set up and solved with objects
commonly found in any tavern or pock-
et. Dollar bills, for example, are ac-
couterments with great potential for
entertainment. Few people realize a
kitchen match can be lit on a bill or that
paper money can be engulfed in flames,
left to burn and pay for the next round.

"To execute the first, simply press the
match head firmly against a reasonably

mew bill on the bar with your index
finger and strike it the length of the dol-
lar. It should light by the third try. For
the second, immerse the bill briefly in
86-proof liquor and light it. Flames
will surround it but will burn off and
leave the greenback warm, yet legal,
tender. If a quickchange trick is more
appropriate than blazing bills, you can
drop a coin three inches and haye it
stand on its edge. Just moisten both a
dime and the exterior of a regular glass.
Press the coin to the glass near the top
and release it and it will slide gently to
rest on its edge.

The wording used in presenting a
bet is often crucial. It must not seem

ILLUSTRATION BY JOHN CRAIG

how to turn saloon paraphernalia and pocket change into free drinks

contrived. The rules must be stated simply
yet precisely. Of course, some bets take
advantage of this by implying rules that
are ultimately not followed because they
weren't specifically stated. For instance,
you can drink five drafts before someone
else can drink one shot, provided your
opponent starts with his hands behind
him, neither of you may move the other's
glass and you are given a one-and-a-half-
beer head start. You win by turning your
first empty glass over his untouched shot.
Or line up six glasses about six inches
apart. The three on the left contain
beer, the three on the right are empty.
By moving only one glass, you can
make them (continued on page 190)

153

canoni V Edd

susan jensen is at home on the alaskan frontier;
porn star constance money is at home on the sexual
frontier—they are one and the same person

PHOTOGRAPHY BY KEN MARCUS

HE GIRL on the opposite page is
Susan Jensen. She runs a combina-
tion bar, restaurant, lodge and lig-
wor store in Alaska. She keeps the
books, cooks the cheeseburgers,
changes the sheets and, when the
old system brcaks down, puts in new.
plumbing with her own hands. She
is a pioneer.

The girl in the two pictures to
the right is Constance Money. She
has made several critically acclaimed
porn films in the past few years. On-
screen, she makes love, gives head
and puts men in their place with
her own hands. She is a pioneer.

As you may have surmised, Susan
Jensen and Constance Money are
one and the same woman. She told
us her story in a cluttered Northern

‘alifornia apartment, where she was
in the process of putting the sep-
arate pieces of her life together. The
halls were filled with unopened
boxes marked SEATTLE, LOS ANGELES,
NEW YORK, ALASKA. A different box
for each period of her life: Student.
Porn star. Independent woman, The
apartment was littered with books.
A collection of Alaskan igloo tales.
Lewis Thomas’ Lives of a Cell. A
paperback on the psychology of sex-
ual aberrations. A handbook on the
classi ion of wildflowers. Cook-
books. A July 1977 rLAavBoY con-
taining a picture of Constance
Money. That picture caused Susan
Jensen a lot of grief. The men on
the oil rigs and the pilots for the
local helicopter service got a bit out
of hand when they discovered that
they had a genuine porn star in
their midst. Susan handled the situ-
ation with typical aplomb, then
decided it was time to do another
pictorial, to bring Constance Moncy

“These shots are from The Opening of Misty
Beethoven. | made that movie when | was 19,
a child. | was barely old enough to know
whot | was doing. The film is about the
educotion of a noive, innocent girl. Me.”

“That film hounted me. The director kept all

the outtakes. Every year, he released another
film starring ‘Constance Money.’ Meanwhile,
Susan Jensen had moved to Aloska to start a
new career. | never meont to be a pom stor.”

156

"'lm really two persons:
Constance Money, the
porn star. Susan Jensen,
the hard-working, in-
dependent person who
runs a bar and lodge

in an Alaskan boom
town. | wanted people to
accept both aspects of
myself. 1 figured this pic-
torial would be a good
way to do it, to introduce
both of me to the world.
This is who I am.

Take it or leave it.”

and Susan Jensen face
to face.

She takes a glass of
wine to the living-
room sofa and be-
gins her story: "When
youre a porn star,
nothing else seems to
matter. In Alaska, I
dealt with bankers, ac-
countants, oil-tig work-
ers, They respected me
for what I was doing.
When they found out
I had starred in an
X-rated moyie—bam!
Now, if the restaurant
is running out of
tomatoes, it's because
Im a porn star. If
the burgers are under-
cooked, it's because
I'ma porn star.

“The first thing
you're going to ask is
why I got into porn
films. I grew up in a
yery small town in the
Northwest. My family
was upper middle
clas. Half Danish,
half WASP. Do I
have to tell you that I
was a toad, a barnacle?
Being asked to star in
Misty Beethoven was a
revelation, proof that
1 was physically accept-
able to the real world.
Now I feel great about
myself. It's the world
that occasionally acts a
little crazy. A friend of
mine acted in a porn
movie, then got en-
gaged. One night, she
was having dinner
with her fiancé when
a stranger came up to
them, unzipped his fly,
put his erection down
on the table and said
to her, ‘I've seen your
movies.”

“Tve made two full-
length porn films since
The Opening of Misty
Beethoven. At most,
they have taken two or
three weeks out of my

“Mary! Mary! was the first film I felt gaod about making. The plot was simple. The Devil gives a magic
hard-on cream to my husband—played by an old friend, John Leslie. There's an orgy where all the
people fuck themselves to death. Except me. In the end, the Devil carries me off inta the sunrise.”

-
e!
a
-
A

life. I'm proud of the work I do in
films, but that's a part-time job. I
want people to see me as a full-time
person and treat me accordingly.
“That's why I moved to Alaska.
Im on my own there, but I feel
totally safe with my dog Taku. Of
course, I also carry a gun. Some-
times you run into a wolf or a bad
bear. When Ken Marcus, the
PLAYBOY photographer, came up to
do the shooting, he warited to wear
the gun. One day, he and his assist-
ant and I were walking down a
beach when this big Kodiak lum-
bered out about a mile away. Ken
took off. I suppose he'd never seen
anything that big outside a zoo.
So here he's the guy with the gun
and he’s running! Ken locked
himself in the cab of the pickup."
Susan recalls that episode with
amused tolerance, a sentiment she
doesn’t extend to some of the people

“Anna Obsessed is my favorite film. | did a very beautiful scene with Annette
Haven. You can see it in my face. | was beaming. But it’s strange. A person will
see that scene and assume that because | make porn movies I’m into weird

trips. They'll osk, ‘Do you like ta do this ar that?’ I've dane that once. On
film. There's a difference between having ta do samething and wanting to do it.”

160

she has met in the sex-film business, Her ex-
periences as a teenager led her to join a com-
mittee crusading against child porn. (“Using
kids of that age deprives them of the joys of
high school—groping in back seats and finding
out for themselves what sex and love are all
about.”) By the end of the interview, we've
decided Susan Jensen is at least two persons.
We're reminded of something a noted wag once
said about an acquaintance: “The lady has at
least a dozen pasts, and what's more, they all fit."

"Sometimes it’s confusing,
living in oll these differ-
ent worlds. It was chaos
posing for PLAYBOY in
Alaska. | had to go from
a hot grill and a rush
order for 50 cheeseburgers
to my bedroom for an
elegont shooting. Trying to
put 50 cheeseburgers into
a bag is not elegant.”

"Barbara Broadcast and
Maraschino Cherry ore two
of the exploitation films
that used old footage
from The Opening of Misty
Beethoven. The films

are rip-offs. The scenes
don't mako ony

sense. Tell your readers

1o do me a favor

and stay home.”

PLAYBOY

162

“I take it I can put you down for your usual donation to
our Home for Fallen Women, Mrs. Darcy?”

the magic staff a Latvian folk tala

ONCE, On a certain estate, there was a
peasant lad who hated goats. And so,
when the steward told him to take the
white nanny goat to pasture, he refused.
When the steward had trashed the lad,
he left him sobbing in the field.

So along came a strange old man with
eyes that seemed to burn in his head and
he gave the boy a look and asked what
the matter might be. When he'd heard
the boy's short, sad tale, he spat on the
ground and handed the lad his staff.

“Here, stick this in the ground and the
goat will never wander away from it. Jt
has, um, certain goatish properties.”

Just as the man had predicted, the
nanny snuggled up to the staff, and so
the former goatherd went happily home.
But halfway there, the steward caught
him, gave him an even more violent
whipping and sent him back to the field.

To the Devil with all stinking goats
and hotheaded stewards, the boy de-
cided; he'd go to soothe his bruises at the
village bathhouse. He took up the staff
and found that the goat followed along
as if she were tethered to

Because it was Saturday evening, the
whole population was ready for a wash,
but, unknown to the lad, it was the
women's turn at that moment.

So, when hed undressed and groped
his way through the stcam and had
groped for a bench to sit down on, he
found himself groping something else—
something that felt remarkably like a
plump breast. Now, this lad, this skinny
boy, happened to be unusually mature
in one respect and, willy-nilly, his penis
rose in glory like a shining trumpet.
When the village wenches saw this
truder, they panicked and ran out into
the street.

A group of soldiers had just come

down to wait their turn for a bath and
they applauded the sight of 30 naked
women piling into the street,

One of the girls—a pretty one—
bumped up against the nanny goat and,
surprisingly, found herself attached. She
moaned and cried out and swung her
rump this way and that, but all in vain.

One stalwart trooper went to her aid
and, putting his hands around her waist,
found himself bound by a mysterious
force to the lovely buttocks.

Another girl—one whose blonde curls
were in bold contrast to her red maiden
hair—rushed to the rescue and found
herself hopelessly stuck to the soldier's
back. Another soldier, attempting to
help, was likewise pinned to her back.
Soon there was a long line of girls and
troopers, like berries on a string.

As for the boy, he calmly whipped his
swollen penis with some twigs until he
was happy. Then he dressed, went out,
got his staff and headed for home.

Behind him came the goat and behind
the goat came ten giggling wenches and
ten soldiers bursting at their seams.

Soon there was a mighty ripping
sound and ten military members sprang
to rigid attention in the open. Ten moist
little mouths, like hungry tigers’, blindly
reached out and took the military in.

In perfect step and formation, the
parade marched out of the village with
no need of a drummer to keep the
rhythm. At last, there was a moan of 20
voices as Company F died in the breach.

When they reached the estate, the
steward came out and saw a line of pufi
ing soldiers and wenches with swollen
bellies. Getting aroused but angry at the
same time, he ran to the end of the line
and grasped the last soldier. And the un-

Ribald Classic

avoidable happened—the steward sud-
denly found himself stuck in a place he'd
never dreamed he'd be. The soldier,
thinking himself the luckiest man in the
company, gave a heave and let burst
into the girl he was grasping.

The goatboy suddenly took it into his
head to show his strange following in
the city, and so he set off.

Now, in the city, there lived a king
h a melancholy daughter. He had
proclaimed that anyone who could make
his daughter laugh could have her hand
in marriage; quite a few had failed in
the attempt.

Along the palace wall came the goat-
The princess, sitting and crochet-
ing at an open window, chanced to look
out at that moment to see ten popeyed
soldiers thrusting away at ten open-
mouthed wenches and one copulating
steward. For the first time since she was
three—when she'd swallowed a sour
cherry—she burst into laughter.

Well, the king ordered the wedding
prepared. The goatherd hit the nanny
with the staff and the captives were
released. Soon ten village girls were try-
ing to explain to their husbands or lovers
how they'd happened to get into a mili-
tary parade. Ten troopers with bandaged
penises sat in the guardhouse.

But are there really any happy end-
ings? On her wedding night, the princess
was frightened by the size of the goatboy's
member and relapsed into glumness.

Well, yes, some endings are happy.
‘The new prince soon discovered a great
sympathy with his nanny goat, which
never complained about size or fit. And.
now he lives in the palace, perfectly con-
tent to have found something better than
twigs or joyless princesses.

ABI race grt) ]

ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD HOLLANO

163

PLAYBOY

164

PLAYBOY INTERVIEW (continued from page 81)

anything in particular. It was just some-
thing everybody would identify as a for-
eign news service. I should have said Tass.
PLAYBOY: Are you saying CIA has never
worked with Reuters?

Cosy: Now, you get into these kinds of
questions and I have to be very careful.
I'm not quite sure of the answer to that
paricular question. Whether a CIA
story ever appeared in Reuters, I really
couldn't say. But Reuters was not con-
trolled, run, managed by CIA. That's
certainly true.

PLAYBOY: Somewhere—anywhere—has
CIA been involved in the production
of a mo
COLBY: Yes. I think so, yes.

PLAYBOY: How about specifics? Do you
remember?

cousy: Yeah, but I don’t know enough
about it that I want to name it. I mean,
I might he off base on the specific ar-
rangement. I always resisted movie proj-
ects; they're terribly expensive. There's
no use making a movie unless you know
how you're going to distribute it. And
the usual enthusiasm will get the movie
made and then you end up looking
around to see how to distribute it—
and you can't. So you end up with lots
of cans of film in the back room. CIA
didn't support Three Days of the Con-
dor, that's for sure.

PLAYBOY: What about John Wayne's The
Green Berets?

Coi: [Laughs] No. Not the James
Bond movies, either.

PLAYBOY: Are there any editors on any
newspapers or magazines or in any pub-
lishing houses here in the U.S. who are
on contract to CIA?

cosy: I would say the answer is no, ac
cording to Turner's directive.

PLAYBOY: When did that stop?

COLBY: I haven't the faintest idea.
PLAYBOY: In any event, you can see what
we're getting at. CIA can say it is
no longer going to use American jour-
nalists and then go ahead and use who-
ever is excluded by the strictest sense
of the definition, thereby producing the
same result as if there were no restric-
tions at all.

COIBY: Oh, yes. It’s a terrible problem.
It's a difficult problem. Obviously, if
something is in one category, you don’t
do it. If it’s in another, you do do it.
IE it says don’t use journalists, then you
don't use journalists. If it says don't use
authors, you don't use authors. But
authors aren't journalists. It's a different
business. I mean, use the words for
what they say.
PLAYBOY: And when
tor—

COBY: When 1 was there, I testified sev-
eral times that I didn't have anybody

you were direc-

in America. There's no reason for it
here. And I mean that literally. "There's
no reason for CIA; even 20 years ago,
there was no particular reason.

PLAYBOY: What about other attempts to
mold American opinion?

COLBY: Well, take, for instance, the Na-
tional Students Association relationsh
we had. We went to the N.S.A., saying
the Soviets were supporting a very large-
scale international student effort and we
had to match that. And if you American
students here can get active in this in-
ternational field—go to the meetin;
stand up and say what you think about
America—why, we'll help you in that
respect. That is what the CIA funds
were used for in support of N.S.A. With
one exception, I believe. I think we
helped guarantee the mortgage on their
headquarters.
PLAYBOY: Under CIA's program to help
that organization, didn’t it send Gloria
Steinem to a foreign political confer-
ence at one point?

COLBY: I think she is not very happy
about this story these days, because she’s
been accused—and I think wrongly—of
being linked with CIA. She was quoted
as having said she was supported by CLA
in going to onc of thosc conferences but
that CIA had not told her what to say
and do; that CIA was providing the
means for them to get there but wasn't
manipulating or running them.

PLAYBOY: Yet the agency certainly
wouldn't have chosen a young Abbie
Hoffman to go to those conferences.
COLBY: I guess that if some particularly
vocal pro-Soviet figure had been included
in the group, we would have asked, "Do
y need to pay for this airline
But I don't think he had to be
a good Eisenhower supporter, either.
PLAYBOY: So you're claiming CIA has
not been involved in any domestic prop-
uganda efforts?

COLBY: Essentially not. As I say, you have
the fallout problem that has come from.
CIA efforts abroad. That when you do
some covert propaganda work abroad,
there's a chance that an American will
pick it up and bring it home, or send
it home. "That's a fallout problem. I
think Turner's rule says that if there's
any substantial fallout here, you're not
to do it. Fundamentally, CIA was inter-
ested in affecting foreign opinion. Fun-
damentally, CIA was not interested in
affecting American opinion.

PLAYBOY: Let us ask you one more ques-
tion about the use of journalists by CIA.
The new directive prohibits it, but
there's a disclaimer that reads: "Excep-
tions: No exceptions to the policies and
prohibitions stated above may be made
except with the specific approval of the

director of Central Intelligence.” That
doesn't sound like much of a restriction.
COLBY: Well, there's a very simple answer
to that. I told the Congress all it has to
do is tell the director that it wants to
know of any exceptions. And CIA can't
get away with not telling them what it
has to tell them.

PLAYBOY: Why not?

lat is very clear. If the Congress
wants to supervise, which it does now,
then it is very easy for it to supervise. It
has the job of writing the appropriation
every year.

PLAYBOY: Traditionally, Congress has re-
garded CIA as a hot potato and has
not supervised its activities. Can Con-
gress really supervise it?

Couey: I think Congressmen know it has
to be done. And if the responsibility is
firmly on them to do it, they'll do it. No
matter what their attitude is, they're go-
ing to have to do it. They can't afford to
be caught off base.

PLAYBOY: Still, the new directive would
appear to have a large loophole, It
doesn't, for example, cover free-lance
writers.

COLBY: It covers anyone who is accred-
ited.

PLAYBOY: So PLAYboY could give this in-
terviewer leave without pay and he
would be clear to work with CIA,
correct?
COLBY: If he were a free citizen abroad
with no connection to PLAYBOY, yes, he
could pose as a journalist under that
role.

PLAYBOY: Yet you categorically deny that
CIA has any media-manipulation pro-
grams.

COLBY: Absolutely yes, I'll deny that flat-
ly. Again, in America. 1 hope we won't
be barred from the use of Tass.

PLAYBOY: One journalist who charged
CIA with massive domestic manipulation
was Seymour Hersh of The New York
Times. But you called him a good
American and a good journalist in
your recent book. What do you mean
by that?

COLBY: He's certainly not disloyal to his
country. I think he's loyal to his pro-
fession.

PLAYBOY: When is a reporter not a good
Amcrican?
coisy: When he
I think
isher.
PLAYBOY: Wait a minute; that's a ridicu-
Jous analogy. Philby was not a journalist.
COLBY: Yes, he was a journalist.

PLAYBOY: He used journalistic cover—
there's a big difference.
COLBY: He was a journalist.
PLAYBOY: Professionally, Philby was a spy.
COLBY: Well, he was lots of things. . . .
PLAYBOY: You know as well as we do that
Philby was not a journalist recruited by

its by for the other side.
Philby wasn't a good Brit-

Ð "ALVE RT |

ICAN WHISKEY—A ELEND'w BO PROOF 1978 CALVERT DIST. CQ:. N.¥.C.

an intelligence agency. He was an intel-
ligence agent posing as a journalist.
COLBY: You're right. You're right. I ac-
cept that. You know, that business about
answering questions narrowly—it's a ter-
rible problem and I really haven't figured.
out how to get around it. Because if you
answer the questions broadly, you're
proved wrong. And, therefore, my only
solution has been to answer them nar-
rowly.
PLAYBOY: Some members of the press have
kept secrets at your request Hersh,
among others, kept the Glomar Explorer
story secret when you asked him to. And
didn't Jack Anderson keep some project.
secret at your request?
COLBY: I asked him to make a change and
he did.
PLAYBOY: What was it?
COLBY: Oh, he had run across an opera-
tion he felt was over. He had written it
up. If it had been over, 1 wouldn't have
said a word to him, but it was still going
on. He didn't know it. I called him and
asked him if he could stop it. I said, "I
think you think it's over, right?" He said,
“Yeah.” I said, “If it were over, I
wouldn't be calling you." Well, then he
was interested. I said, "Could you make
onc change in it?” He did, yes.
PLAYBOY: Yet Anderson gets on television
and takes shots at the Government—and
with particular glee at CLA.
COlBY: He's a newspaperman. He's sup-
posed to be critical of the Government.
It keeps the Government on its toes. It’s
all right with me. He has brought up a
lot of things. So it's all right. He's doing
the job that he's supposed to do under
the Constitution. He makes me very un-
comfortable, I disagree with him rather
violently on some things. I think he's
wrong on some things. But that's the way
the system works. | like the system, even
though I don't like all the people we
have engaged in
PLAYBOY: There are still some newsmen
who may go to jail for not revealing
their sources. What do you think of that
legal question?
COLBY: I think the Supreme Court is
wrong. Doing the job of journalism in
America requires the ability to protect
your sources. I think there ought to be
a shield law by which a reporter can
refuse to testify about his sources.
[During a pause in one of the many
conversations that make up this inter-
view, Colby, without encouragement,
brought up the subject of the infamous
Phoenix program, part of the Govern-
ment’s “pacification” program that re-
sulted in 20,000 enemy deaths, which
some charged were assassinations.]
cotsy: Have we talked about the pacifi-
cation program or not?
PLAYBOY: Phoenix?
COLBY: Yes.
PLAYBOY: You haven't yet. Do you want
to?
166 COLBY: Oh, yes.

PLAYBOY

PLAYBOY: You've made your position fair-
ly clear in testimony in the past.
COLBY: Well, I want to make sure that if

you have any questions about Phoen
my explanation is there.
PLAYBOY: We do have questions about

Phoenix. You have answered them many
times, and yet there remains a very sim-
ple one: There were 20,000 people
killed.
COLBY: And 28,000 captured and 17,000
took the amnesty. And the 20,000 dead
for the most part were killed in military
combat and identified after they were
dead. And that is not 20,000 assassinated.
PLAYBOY: How do you distinguish be-
tween 20,000 people dead and 20,000
people assassinated?

CoLBY: The accusation is that they were
asassinatcd, wrongly killed. They were
killed in the course of military combat,
in the course of a war. In other words,
the Phoenix program was designed to
and did move into a very bitter and
bloody battle that was going on in Viet-
nam between the secret Communist ap-
paratus and the government. Phoenix
was designed to improve the govern-
ment side, if not the Communists’ side,
by making it both more decent and more
effective. It did that through setting up
rules to identify people properly rather
than just calling them Communist in a
McCarthyist way; defining what their
jobs were; di ng the leaders from the
followers and saying we weren't interest-
ed in learning who the followers were;
taining people in the proper methods
of interrogation instead of improper
ones; issuing a directive that prohibited
any involvement with assassination—not
merely that an American nol assassinate
but that if an American heard of any
such activity on the Vietnamese side, he
was to report it to me. I believe the pur-
pose and effect of Phoenix was to reduce
that to an absolute minimum. Prior to
the time Phocnix was set up, ie, in
roughly 1967, there was that kind of
activity. And that kind of activity was
exactly why we set up Phoenix—to stop
it. Now, to put billboards around town
emblazoned with headlines stating my
admission of 20,000 people being assa:
nated is just misusing the word, misstat-
ing the facts.

PLAYBOY: How do you think Phoenix got
putation?

COLBY: It got the reputation from the
antiwar people who brought up charges
against the military from an car
od and applied them to Phoenix, And.
from my testimony before a House com
mittee in 1971. That wasn't anything fer-
reted out or unveiled. My testimony in
1971 described what Phoenix was about.
1 said that the results of Phoenix over
the three years were 28,000 captured,
17,000 amnesty and 20,000 killed, But I
could not say that no improper deaths
had ever occurred. Well, my admissi

its

that some of the deaths occurred was
translated into 20,000 assas ted. And
it's just false.

PLAYBOY: What i

n?
COLBY: A conscious effort to kill some-

assassinai

body.

PLAYBOY: So, if an agency were to pick
someone out by name and say, "We are
going to go out and kill this one person,”
would that be assassination?

COLBY: That would be an assassination,
yes. And I think that in some situations,
you can pick someone by name and say
going to go out and wy to capture
this person, and if we can't capture him,
we're going to end up shooting him—at
him.

PLAYBOY: Was there a CIA jargon word
for killing?

cotsy: For killing? There was a CIA jar-
gon. Also, the upper levels of the United
States Government used it: executive
action.
PLAYBOY: Let's continue on the subject
of Vietnam, since you were the CIA sta-
tion chief in igon for a time during
the war. Why were the enemy actions in
Vietnam worse than our own?

COLBY: I think there was an indiscrimi-
nate quality to the Communist rocketing
of the towns. We didn't have a right to
just go and say, "Well, I think that town
needs to be bombed." "That's different
from sitting outside Saigon, launching
one of those 122 rockets and just letting
it slide into the middle of town, no mat-
ter where.

In terms of behavior of troops, I think
we tried to control it. Now, the conscious
use of terror on the part of the Commu-
nists, the assassination of the village
chiefs—lid we have a comparable thing?
Not after Phoenix, no. Mortaring of the
refugee camps in order to drive people
back into the countryside: Did we do
that? No.

PLAYBOY: You say we didn't have the
right to go in and just bomb some place
we felt like bombing; we may not have
had the right, but we did so, anyway.
COLBY: In the populated areas, it re-
quired the concurrence of the local au-
thorities, And there is some criticism of
whether or not that would be too easily
granted. On the other hand, you did
have the right, if you were in a helicop-
ter and were shot at from the ground, to
return the fire.
PLAYBOY: What about the free-fire zones?
COLBY: Free-fire zones were primarily jun-
gle areas with essentially no inhabitants
except the enemy forces and, in those
areas, you did not need the province
chicl's approval.
PLAYBOY: We moved entire populations
order to create those frec-fire zones,
didn't we?
cotsy: Whole populations moved out of
areas. I think you'd come out about
even Stephen. Half of them moved out
because they didn't want to be under
(continued on page 209)

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she may have shed her ai

fatigues foran evening
gown, but jane fonda is stilla
radical at heart —she says.

personality
Wy A EIARYGOD

Ib JANE FONDA ever gets elected to office,
she'll join that elite circle of actors
headed by Ronald Reagan and George
Murphy, those two old radical leftists
who evolved into the darlings of the
right. Who's to say she won't be equally
conservative by the time her hair tums
gray? After all, she's still a young woman.

I'm thinking these rambling thoughts
as I watch John Wayne, the Green Beret
himself, standing before 1400 of Holly-
wood's elite, confessing his love for the
Fonda family, even unto that little long-

^[ P
y E

haired hippie, Peter, and, worse yet, his
sister. The war is over.

Earlier, James Stewart, another rock-
ribbed Republican, had noted pointedly
that he had got through a 40-year friend-
ship with Henry Fonda without ever

discussing politics. And there was Hank
himself, who wasn't always so keen on
his daughter's dalliances, invoking imagi-
nary quotes from Granddad on the per-
fection of Jane's political wisdom.
People say I'm cynical about Holly-
wood, yet I'm the one who expects eve-

ILLUSTRATION BY ELIZABETH BENNETT

nings like this to make some lasting
sense. Even though it's only a black-tie,
blue-blooded American Film Institute
tribute to father Henry, the Joad who
made good, I'm looking for significance.
After all, since Henry Fonda truly ranks
among the great actors of all time, we
don't really need a dinner to confirm
the fact. What I suspect this gathering
really celebrates is the revived respect-
ability of rubbing shoulders with his
daughter, a verified new superstar of
Film City, one of only four women who

PLAYBOY

170

can command—and get—S1,000,000 for
120 minutes of film.

What's more, Jane has an edge on the
three others beyond the bankbook. Who
the hell can feel guilty about Barbra
Streisand, Faye Dunaway or Diana Ross,
even if the black one is from the ghetto?
True to its traditions, Hollywood. now
wants to make amends for the way it
treated Jane during the Forgotten Con-
flict—its hoped before she signs for
somebody else's picture. The same old
friends who were assuring Congressmen
then that she was washed up in their
town now embroider their jeans with.
peace symbols and are trying to get their
sons back from Canada and into the biz
before the script is ready to offer her.

Even better, when the occasion calls
for it, Jane is willing to dress up with
the rest of us for a glittering night such
as the Fonda dinner. And she and Hank,
and even Peter, have the social grace to
forget all the unpleasant truths for the

se for Henry and The Grapes of
Wrath but no mention that old Darryl
Zanuck wanted Tyrone Power for the
part instead of Henry. Or that Fonda

had to scll himsclf into five years of
bitter bondage at Fox to get the role.

Once you're rich in Hollywood, the
main goal is to outl your enemies.
Then you get your dinner. Hank was
long overdue his, but until recently, the
Fonda name made people nervous here-
abouts. With Jane running around
North Vietnam, with J. Edgar Hoover
and the rest of the yahoos in. pursuit, it
was difficult to plan any feed for Henry
without the risk of her showing up. Hell,
even Henry himself probably wouldn't
have come.

To everyone's relicf, except Bob
Hope's, it now turns out that Jane was
right on the war, That was enough to
€ her safe for dinner, even if she did
bring her radical husband, Tom Hayden.
Then she did the most wondrous thing,
besides. She hit with one (Fun with Dick
and Jane), two (Julie) and three (Com-
ing Home) smash pictures in a row.

If you don't live and breathe in Holly-
wood, you just can't realize the kind of
charity and forgiveness, the apologies
and genuflections that three big grossers
can generate. Hell, they're even applaud-
ing Hayden this night, as Hank tells

"Mom, can I become sexually active this summer?"

what a great son-in-law he is and
sn't he right about everything, too?

But we must not draw too many con-
clusions from one night of festivity.
"There's work to be donc tomorrow and
the real question is whether Jane is back
among us or not. No, that's not really
the question, since, as my banker keeps
reminding me, I am not technically one
of the us. I want to know if she's one of.
them again.

In those troubled years of the Ime
Sixties, I confess I greeted her initial
revolt against the establishment with
considerable doubt. Every time she talks
now of those who thought she was just a
silly starlet on a lark, I know she’s think-
ing of me. In truth, though, I developed
a grudging admiration, finally, for her
courage and sincerity. No matter how
much it would help my cynicism now, it
would be a shame if she threw it all back
for a few bucks.
nkly, I was very comfortable with
Fonda as Barbarella; the brief costumes
didn't bother me a bit. Conversely, | was
never at ease with Jane, so strident
and so blatantly disheveled. Yet 1 find
myself even more out of sorts with this
beautifully mature woman showing up
at the Golden Globe and Academy
Awards ceremonies to receive Holl
wood's accolades, yet insisting she hasn't
changed her revolutionary ways. I will
accept her who has seen the light and
turned away from Hollywood to the real
meanings of life. Or I will accept her
nounced the false idols of the
revolution and returned home to Holl:
wood, friends and family. But I find it
hard to accept that both of these hearts
beat in the same bosom

Verily, I must seek the truth of this
matter, hoping that too many y i
Hollywood have not blinded me to truth
when it appears. It's time to sober up
and go into rigorous training, for Jane
Fonda docs not yield up the truth with
out a struggle. That is not to say she lies.
But better interviewers than I have
failed to elicit fro
she does not want to

A consummate actress, she encounters
outsiders with a completely scripted
scenario. But only she has the whole
t, including questions and answers.
‘Try to ad-lib into forbidden feelings and
she'll slip into a soliloquy that brings the
discussion right back where she wants i

The quest begins as Fonda exits from
Stage Four into a light rain, protecting
her carefully constructed beauty in one
of those dainty see-through bubble um
brellas as she paces off the few yards to
the star's trailer. She demands no defer-
ence, but crew members step aside into
the wet, taught by years of Hollywood
service to show respect in the presence
of a $1,000,000 property.

No matter how sincerely she may still

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171

PLAYBOY

172 But she's surpri

sorrow over the world’s poor and the
downtrodden, union work rules in Hol-
lywood make it hard for a leading lady
10 wear sackcloth and ashes. Fonda has
two drivers, one to pick her up at home
in the morning in a leatherappointed
Mercury station wagon and wait faith-
fully to ferry her until late at night,
another to stecr the expensive motor
home that functions as the star's dressing
room, a sérvant well paid even though
the trailer docsn't move for days on end.

A wardrobe mistress cares for the
stylish salmon-colored slacks-and-sweater
combination Fonda wears, and a make-
up lady stands by with eight small
brushes and three large ones to tend her
beauty. But we must not blame Fonda
for these trappings of extravagance and
rdo arc
ke-believe middle class because she
enjoys playing women far different from
herself. "Ehe drivers and other hand-
servants are part of the labor scheme she
can't change. Besides, the work rules pro-
vide good-paying jobs for many of her
minority and. women friends. (Both of
her drivers and her make-up artist are
black women.)

Today, she is working with Michael
Douglas and Jack Lemmon on a film
called Power. She is very secretive about
the plot and there are firm rules against
visitors on the set, lest any secrets be re-
vealed. As usual, though, if you just walk
onto the stage looking weary and u
interested, everyone figures you belong
there, Once inside, it’s no big trick to
discover that she plays a TV newswoman,
Douglas her cameraman, and that Lem-
mon works in a nuclear plant where the
news team uncovers an astonishing dan-
ger. Later I will ask Jane for the plot of
the movie and she will insist it is a
secret. I won't bother to upset her by
letting her know that it is neither a
secret nor all that astonishing.

Once out of the rain and nestled into
the cramped little dressing trailer, Fonda
wants most to talk about her most recent
picture, Coming Home, a surprisingly
well-rounded view of those damaged by
Vietnam. With the first burst of rhetoric,
Fonda transforms the sterile quarters of
the motor home into some old roach-
infested two-story house somewhere on
the back streets of Berkeley, where
the discontented spread their papers be-
fore the fireplace and plot to change the
world. As she shakes her head to prove
a point, her lacquered red hair frees
itself and seeks to return to some frazzled
stale it remembers can lend a wild ex-
citement to her words.

Trying to segue to my scarch for truth
about her and Hollywood, I ask what
she thinks about all of those who sup-
port her fight against the war now that
it's safe to do so—the "reborn
ngly mellow.

lcge. The clothes and ha

People

are friendlier when I call," she shrugs.
“I wouldn’t say it’s reborn radicals, It's
just a combination of the kind of movies
I'm making and people feeling I haven't
sold out. And liking what my movies are
about and feeling I've done something
that a lot of people would like to do.
Everyone is looking for a meaning in
their lives. Pcople arc becoming real
aware of the fact that they are alienated,
whether or not they allow the question
to surface or bother them a whole lot,
below the surface. Because basically
people are good, they tend to ask them-
selves, What is my life for beyond the
desire to make profit? When they see
someone who seems to have more focus
or meaning or sense of direction, I think
they are real attracted to that and are
terested in tha

I could argue that Hollywood was

only more than willing to let her starve
with her focus and sense of direction
until she recently began serving its desire
to make a profit; but I had not come to
debate, so let us move on. Does she still
have her relatively simple little home in
nta Monica?
“Relative to what? Relative to [former
Columbia Pictures president] David Be-
gelman’s house, it is very simple. Rela-
tive to a lot of other people's, it is a
very nice middle-class house.”

Is she happy? Yes, she is, but that
leads quickly to a Jong plea on behalf
of those who aren't, such as the “bad-
paper” Viet veterans in San Diego. Try
to pin down the shift of Hollywood sen-
timent in her favor and you get a dis-
cussion of Watergate. Mention that she
seems to be dressing a little more glam-
orously these days, she refuses to accept
the compliment. "When I speak at ral-
lies, I wear one Kind of clothes; when I
go hiking, I wear one kind of clothes;
if I go to a black-tie dinner, I try to
dress appropriately. 1 don't spend a lot
of money on clothes, because I don't
think they matter very much. But I
don't want to offend anyone. I just try
to look neat and clean and appropriate

ig wrong with an answer
like that. Its genius, in fact, is in making
the question seem thoroughly inane. If
your strategy is to follow up on the
clothes question with a stinger as to why
she dresses up for Hollywood, you find
that answer leaves no target yet says
nothing. Unarmed, she could outfence

Zorro with a shrug and a side step.
Such small probes, it’s clear, will re-

veal nothing about how Fonda feels
about Hollywood. The trick is to flow
with one of her rolling discussions of
something she finds of major importance
and raise your hand every so often to
pick at particular revelatory points.

With Hayden and others, Fonda's
major political effort these days is the

Campaign for Economic Democracy, an
attempt to unite blue collars and white
collars in battle with executive board
rooms, in demanding internal reforms of
the corporate structure, public members
on company boards, Federal chartering
of corporations, job programs, tax re-
form. In general, the foe is the multi-
national corporation running amuck,
employing unhappy executives to wipe
out the middle class and the poor.

As an old Texas populist myself, I

could cheer her on in this fight. Except
that I can't recall ever cheering anybody
who was paid anywhere near 51,000,000
for a few weeks’ work, or about a zillion
es the minimum wage.
It’s ridiculous that someone carns a
million dollars to act—it's just ridicu-
lous,” Fonda agrees. “But since a movie
actor or actress can get that kind of
money, I'm going to ask for it when the
time comes. Without any guilt, because
of how I use it. If it were for myself, I
would feel very guilty about it, given
the status of other people who do more
important work than acting and can
hardly pay their bills.

"Lam part of a movement and we
want to win. By win I mean redistribute
power in this country We want to
achieve true economic democracy in this
country. In order to do that. you have
to hire and pay for and train organizers,
to publish newspapers, to have control
over television. Tt would be great to own
your own TY station, so you would have
freedom to get information out that is
being stopped otherwise.

‘To do this, you need money. And
I don't mean a hundred or a thousand
dollars. I mean millions of dollars. We
have to find ways to
dollars if we are going to wi

“I intend to make as much moncy as I
can. I intend to find ways to invest my
money and other people's money in
businesses that are responsible and whose
profit can be turned over to a movement.
I'm trying to get rid of the idca of using
money for one's own gain and to use it
for a social purpose instead.”

I'm beginning here to get ions of
Jane Fonda as Robin Hood, ripping off
the rich to help the poor. But she doesn’t
Tike that idea, because it suggests charity
instead of economic overhaul. And I
don't like it much, either, because I still
sec Robin Jane rushing out of Sherwood
Forest and riding off with the rich folks.

What bothers me, to be blunt, is that
Fonda is very much in the thick of one
questionable business, making lots of
money in order to cure the ills in every-
body else's questionable business. In the
newspaper trade, this is called Afghanis-
tanism, the courage to take strong, forth-
right stands on the ills of Afghanistan
while ignoring all that's wrong in the

(concluded on page 180)

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TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR

DOWN AT THE
OLD FISHING

SCHOOL

enough place to plunk your line years ago, but if

you want to get the full bencfit out of the incredible
array of rods and recls that dedicated fishermen can
choose from these days, you just might want to put your
money in a stay at one of the several how-to schools that
fishing pros and tackle manufacturers are now offering.
There are two types of fishing schools available—fly-
fishing and bait/spin casting—and the differences are in
more than just the equipment. The fly-fishing schools are
generally trout schools taught on streams, while the bait/
spin-casting curriculums are bass schools on popular lakes.
Both teach techniques used for fishing any fresh-water
species. Upon graduation, you're a darn good fisherman.

T hat hallowed fishing hole may have been an easy

CASTING COLLEGES

The Orvis Fly Fishing School in Manchester, Vermont,
began 12 years ago with an enrollment of fewer than 150
students. Today, it teaches up to 900 students a year in a
series of three-day courses that are held right on its prop-
erty. The emphasis of the course is on casting and plenty
of open hours are allowed for the student to fish in the
nearby Battinkill River. Although catch and release is
emphasized. the first two days of your visit, the last day
indudes fishing the wellstocked Orvis ponds for keeps
For more information, write to Orvis at 10 River Road,
Manchester, Vermont 05254.

Fenwick Fly Fishing Schools (P. O. Box 729, Westmin-
ster, California 92683) has appointed a number of region-
al headmasters in over 20 well-known fishing locations
throughout the country to act as instructors for its two-
to-five-day courses. The curriculum offers many advanced
courses, including a six-day junket on Alaska’s Kulik
River, a two-day school in Calgary, Alberta, and two
days of special steelhead fishing along the Russian River
in California. Dick Gaumer, Fenwick's fly-fishing director,
points out that, in addition to the intensive classroom
approach Fenwick offers, there's plenty of time in the
three. and five-day schools for supervised fishing. Fenwick
offers over 50 courses from April to September and the
rates are quite varied. Its extensive brochure explains all,

The American Sportsman's Club, in conjunction with
the Garcia Corporation, provides a highly intensive fly-
fishing school in the shadow of the Rockies. Bob Good,
president of the club, directs the school and promises "to.
teach the student to be able to walk up to any body of
water in the country, analyze it and know where to start
fishing.” All students are housed in the company lodge
near Steamboat Springs, Colorado, and much of one's

time is spent on five miles of private streams. The fishing
techniques taught in the mornings include casting, stream
reading and lure presentation, Bonus: All Garcia equip-
ment is ayailable at greatly reduced prices once the course
is completed.

In addition, Dick Gasaway, a Garcia pro and former
Colorado state bass champion, is in charge of another
American Sportsman's Club/Garcia enterprise—The Lake
Powell Bass School, which meets each spring in Bullfrog
Marina on the Utah side of Lake Powell. Lessons using
jigs, worms, crank and spinner baits are included and
there's plenty of time for on-thelake fishing. For more
information about either the A.S.C./Garcia Fly Fishing
School or the Lake Powell Bass School, contact The
American Sportsman’s Club, Suite 219, 8000 East Girard,
Denver, Colorado 80231.

Another popular school is Bill Murray's American In-
stitute of Bass Fishing. The course lasts four days in April
and pits you against Ol’ Jaws, a mechanical bass that
lurks in a 10,000-gallon aquarium and strikes on com-
mand. Casting from the front half of a bass boat fitted to
the end of the tank, a neophyte can feel Ol’ Jaws strike
the worm time and time again under the watchful cyes
of the instructor. There are three lakes nearby on which
to try one's skills. Contact the A.1.B.F., Box 2324, Hot
Springs, Arkansas 71901.

WHAT YOU GET

All curriculums guarantee individualized instruction,
with an average of one instructor to every five students.
The costs are moderate, ranging between $50 and $100
per person per day. Examine each course brochure care-
fully, as some include housing and others don’t. The
largest variable is the cost of your transportation to the
water's edge. To select the course best suited to your
purposes (and skills), decide on what combination of
basic classroom instruction and guided fishing time will
be most effective. You'll note that most advanced courses
are only guided fishing trips.

Once you're enrolled by deposit, each school director
will send you a check list of necessities for the course. If
you choose, the company-sponsored schools will equip
you with their latest gear. Exercise this important option,
particularly if you are just starting out and will soon be
ready to purchase that first rod and reel. And you old-
timers might want to throw away that vintage cane pole
once you've scen what 20th Century tackle technology has
for you. Good fishing! —BRIAN R. PETERSON

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Waring: The Surgeon General Has Determined
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health.

TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR

HOW TO USE

THE CONSULAR

CORPS

ou've packed your bags and found someone to

Y care for the cat: You're on your way out of the
country. You think you've thought of everything.

And maybe you have. But what if something goes wrong
while you're abroad? Your consul overseas may be able
to help you out of your predicament—if you know how
to let him. The trouble is, most American travelers
haven't the faintest idea of what their embassies and con-
sulates do. Instead, they call upon them to secure airline
reservations or to chastise swindling natives. "Most often,
we see our countrymen come in here and insist that we
cash their checks,” sighed one career consular officer.
“They expect us to function as an American Express
office.” While a consulate can't provide many of the
advantages of a credit-card foreign office, there are things
it can do that you shouldn't leave home without knowing.

WHAT IF YOU GET SICK ABROAD?

Before you leave, make sure your health insurance
valid overseas. If not, arrange for temporary extra covcr-
age. All consulates have on hand a list of local English-
speaking doctors and hospitals. And if you're lucky (or
unlucky) enough to get sick in England, for example,
at least it's comforting to know that their socialized medi-
cal program will cover whatever ails you—gratis. Also,
many Communist countries, there is some form of
national health plan from which a foreign visitor may
benefit. It's best, however, to check with the appropriate
national tourist office and inquire about the availability
and zost of health coverage for foreign visitors.

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU LOSE YOUR MONEY?

The consul cannot replace your money nor give you a
loan under most circumstances. But he will try to help.
Because he is well connected with many assistance facili-
ties, such as American churches and Travelers Aid
societies, in the host country, he can direct you to thc
agency most likely to help find food and shelter.

A consul will also offer to make a collect telephone
call to anyone in the U.S. who you think can be of
assistance, If the need is urgent, he can speed up the
process of getting money to you. One way to do this is
to have the friend, in America wire money to the State
Department in Washington, where it goes into a trust
account, Then Washington informs the consul and
authorizes him to pay out to you an equivalent amount
in local currency.

A consulate can also provide repatriation service, but
to qualify, one must: (1) be a U. S. citizen who is (2) tem-

porarily out of the country and who is (3) destitute and
has no friends or relatives in the U.S, who can put up
funds for his return. The citizen must provide the con-
sulate with a list of names and addresses of those who he
believes might be able to help him. If that is unsuccessful,
the State Department will issue a loan to the individual
and provide him with a ticket to the U.S, and amend
passport to “Return to the U.S. Only.” His passport
will be seized when he comes back to the United States
and will not be returned until he has repaid his loan.

WHAT IF YOU BREAK A LAW?

As we're becoming more and more aware from the
increasing number of compatriots who find themselves
in Turkish, Iranian and Mexican jails, foreign prisons
are not fun places. And there’s very little a consul can
do if you're suspected by the local police of being guilty
of a crime. The consul, of course, maintains a list of
lawyers in his district who specialize in a particular
area of law and it's required by the Geneva convention
that the consul be informed by the host country if one
of his nationals is arrested. If that happens, he'll keep
track of the legal proceedings to ensure that justice is
being served: not only according to the standards of
international law but according to the host country's own
statutes as well, The consul cannot impose the laws of the
United States just because the person accused of a crime
is an American citizen. His main function is to see that
the U.S. citizen is not receiving prejudicial treatment.
He cannot act as a legal representative nor does he have
the authority to secure the release of the accused. But
he can arrange for the prisoner to receive funds from his
family at home as they are needed for his welfare in
prison and for his legal representation. If there is a clear
violation of the accused's rights under the laws of the host
country, the consul can make representations on behalf
of that person. And he can create considerable waves.

HOW ELSE CAN YOU USE THE CONSUL?

Because someone in the United States may need to get
in touch with you, it’s a good idea to register your foreign
address with the nearest U.S. mission, an embassy or 2
consulate. Leave a detailed itinerary at home and, should
an emergency arise, your consulate will be better able to
help your family or friends find you quickly. And one
last thing: In countries where widely differing currency
exchange rates exist (eg, many Communist countries),
the consul will tell you where preferential rates can be
obtained. All in all, he’s a pretty good guy- —JoHN REZ.

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YOU'LL STAND OUT FROM THE HERD
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Contemporary sty!
just not in the herd yours. are made from wrink
Ata price you can easily afford. For ins e: constructed to keep thei
the brushed twill slacks and jacket arless appearance. Panatela Separates. an going your own
than many people spend on ortjacl e. wayismore important than going the way of the herd.

QUALITY NEVER GOES OUT OF STYLE.

TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR

PLASTIC

SURGERY: THE

KINDEST CUT

don't look quite as young as you feel. The mirror

reflects puffy undereye bags, droopy lids, jowly chin
and/or wrinkly throat. You may be well under 50—or just
over—certainly, too young to think of throwing in the
towel as an upwardly mobile executive or an attractive
lover, albeit older than the downy-checked competition.

If you're overweight, regular exercise and shedding the

indicated extra pounds are steps in the right direction.
But trimming down can also contribute to more face flab
(the skin loses its elasticity and ability to contract as it
ages), a problem that even a clever new hairstyle isn't
going to solve.
FACING UP TO PLASTIC SURGERY

"The answer may be plastic surgery. Of all the faceJifts
performed in the United States these days, roughly be-
tween 30 and 40 percent are done on men. Depending
on your general health, age and individual skin quality,
it can bring about a definite improvement that will last
from about five to ten years.

Should you feel that a face-lift is frivolous or perhaps
slightly immoral, please remember that the avant-garde
actresses, entertainers, even a few U.S. Senators and
leisured rich who helped keep the plastic surgeons busy,
interested and solvent im the intervals between the two
great wars were responsible for our having the core of
experienced, aesthetically aware surgeons at the onset of
World War Two.

Before you make a decision, it's important to know,
among other things, if you have allergies and specifically
if you're allergic to penicillin. There is also the minimal
chance that you have a tendency toward keloid scars, a
condition connected with the body's hormone level that
varies widely among different races and with the same
person at different stages of his life.

THE FIRST STEP

So the sensible first step is a consultation with your
general practitioner, if you have one and value his advice.
He knows your medical history and temperament and
can be tremendously supportive. Chances are he can rec-
ommend a qualified plastic surgeon as well.

If your own doctor can't or won't, for whatever reason,
and you're still determined to investigate further, call
your county medical society for doctor referral. Failing
satisfactory information from that source, write directly
to The American Board of Plastic Surgery, Inc., 4647
Pershing Avenue, St. Louis, Missouri 63108, for a list
of its diplomates.

T et me say it straight. There comes a time when you

"To become a diplomate of that prestigious organiza-
tion, a doctor must have at least three years of general
surgery and two to three years of plasticsurgery residency,
then pass the board's own stringent examinations.

QUESTIONS TO ASK

If you need double reassurance, make an appointment
with two qualified plastic surgeons. Be frank. Say exactly
what results you expect. Arrive with a list of questions
that you can ask without wasting time. It should indude
some concerning the doctor's credentials: Where did he
receive his medical degree? Is he a diplomate of The
American Board of Plastic Surgery? What is his hospital
affiliation? Is the hospital connected with a medical
school? If so, the implication is that the equipment and
methods are up to date. Precisely what is his fee and does
it indude postoperative care? (A face-lift may run from
about $1500 to $5000, including post-operative care.) Bet-
ter yet, the Internal Revenue Service now says that plastic
surgery, cosmetic or otherwise, is fully tax-deductible.

THE TIME FACTOR

A facelift is nothing to be undertaken lightly. But it
isn't too scary, either. It can be done, and usually is,
under a local anesthetic. The patient often checks into
the hospital the night before to be properly prepared.

The operation to correct aging around the eyes, jowly
chin and flabby neck takes in toto about four hours. The
surgeon, obviously, must have superb skills, a steady hand
and the ability to sew a fine seam.

In about 48 hours, you'll be out of the hospital and
Testing quietly at home for about two weeks, with peri-
odic visits to the doctors ofhce to have the stitches re-
moved. (When healed, face-lift scars in most cases will be
hairline thin and almost invisible.) After the operation,
you'll need dark glasses to hide two black eyes, which will
gradually lighten and disappear. To be realistic, allow
a month before you attempt to get back into full circu-
lation.

"To prevent boredom and undue anxiety in the interim,
its wise to have arranged some pleasant project beforc-
hand: a stack of books you've meant to read, a list of
letters to write and perhaps a couple of evenings with
one or two close friends, TV in megadoses can pall.

If the job has been well done, your friends won't dream
you've had plastic surgery. They'll merely think you were
away on a marvelous, restful holiday, which is where
you can tell them you've been, —GERI TROTTA

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PLAYBOY

160

“Hollywood needs to be restructured like every

other corporate industry in the country.

home town. I don't know what the same
thing is called in Hollywood.

It’s not just a matter of good deeds
done with the money Jane earns. What
makes her such a valuable commodity,
anyway, if not the fact that the cntcr-
ainment industry can use her name and
popularity to enrich itself many times
in deals—honest and not so honest—far
beyond her control? Like it or not, the
more valuable Fonda becomes as a
box-office attraction, the more sins are
committed in her name.

For whatever laudable motives, she is
playing piano in one of thc oldest whore-
houses in tow:

Consider that she and Hayden arc
lcading a fight to keep solar energy out
of the hands of utilities. But executives
im that high-powered industry might well
exchange cynical smiles over this outside
agitator from a business that itself is
awash in scandal. How penetrating are
the economic barbs tossed by an actress
who has recently made two films for
Columbia Pictures, deali i
Begelman, the studio president ousted
for forgery; two pictures for United Art-
ists, rocked by a corporate power play
in a clash with its conglomerate parent,
Transamerica Corp; and one picture
for 20th Century-Fox, accused by small
theaters of bone-crunching business as-
saults that the 19th Century cartels would
envy?

Fonda concedes some of the same
naiveté and ignorance about big business
that she initially had about Victna
Reaching for a handful of raw string
beans she substitutes for lunch, she
spreads them out on the table in front
of her and tries to deal with the vulner-
ability of her position. She doesn't really
eat the beans; they're pulverized in the
rapid snap of her words.

Of the Begelman affair and simila
revelations, she says, “We all abhor cor-
ruption. It's very complex what's going
on here and I don't understand it well
enough to be able to talk about it. One
thing I do understand is that Hollywood
needs to be restructured like every other
corporate industry in the country.

"I don't pretend to have the expertise
or the wherewithal to be able to say
this has to happen and that has to hap-
pen. We need to study it and see exactly
what is wrong, why it is that if E w
people to see this movie I am m:
I have to work for these studios. Other-
wise, it will be stonewalled.

"It's not right. How can we envision

change taking place in a way that won't
screw the independent producers, that
won't screw the small businesses, that
won't destroy the industry, that will
make it flourish, but flourish more
democratically

Fonda thinks the way to start fresh is
to get some of the movie business’ best
people out of town for a few days to
begin re-examining its ills. But I suspect
it wouldn't be more than a few hours
before some of them began sneaking
back to town to pin down deals while
the rest were still smelling the roses.

She agrees that courageous leaders are
scarce in Hollywood: "When you're
working in a monopolized industry,
people get very scared of expressing
themselves, because they are afraid they
are never going to work again.”

“But that obviously does not concern
you," I interject.

"Well, you know, I want to be very
cautious about what I say, because I
don't understand it very well. Is amaz-
ing how in this industry, especially if
you're on the acting end of it, you go
along sort of waiting for the scripts to
come, knowing in the back of your mind
that stuff is being skimmed off the top,
your percentages aren't coming to you
in the way they should and people sort
of take it for granted,

“They can't afford to hire the ac-
countant who could find it ou
So you just go along. It's hard for indi-
vidual people to change from that place
until a process is set in motion as it is
now. When problems become clear to
people, then you can start sitting down
with them and say, "Let's talk about
what we're doing.’ "

But Fonda refuses to let me make her
defensive. Blue eyes firing, she tells off
my hypothetical utility executives who
would remind her of the glass house
Írom whence she hurls her stones:

“If they ever said that to me," she
bristles, “I would say, if one could open
your books, Fd be interested to know
how much of the taxes you're supposed
to pay do you really pay? Do you want
to look at my books? I pay my taxes, I
don't use corporate loopholes,

“Number two, what do you do with
your money? What kind of a house do
you live in? How many cars do you
have? Do you have servants? What are
your vacations like? Does any human
being really need to live the way you
do? Can you justify $800,000 a year if
is all spent on yourself, and your

Roll-Royces, and your Mercedes and
your 15 servants and your four houses?
How do you justify that?

“Do you want to ask me how I spend
my money? I'll tell you, because Fm not
ashamed of that, because most of it is
not spent on me.

OK, how does she spend her money?

“I bought a ranch in Santa Barbara
that is being turned into a children's
camp. In the sun it is turned into
an organizers’ training institute, which is
going to be used to develop a model of
alternative technology. I use it to sup-
port not only our own organization,
which is not dependent on just my
money, but other organizations.”

At the bottom line, you have to be-
lieve her words or not. I guess I do.
Though she may be more than a lite
naive or overly optimistic, Fonda’s cred-
ibility lies in her conviction and lifc-
style, neither of which scems redecorated
by Beverly Hills.

Tom and Jane still live in their old
Santa Monica neighborhood near the
beach, with its wooden houses crowded.
together in a confusion of domed roofs,
widow's walks and picket fences lining
the narrow one-way streets. The Hay-
den-Fonda house is nestled under the
electric wires leading to a pole with a
single light. Neatness doesn't count here.
Three tilted wash cans clutter. their
driveway; two doors away, a front porch
is piled high with cardboard cartons;
across the street, wet towels overhang 2
balcony. Old Volkswagens and a bat-
tered Lincoln Continental dominate the
parking spaces.

Here and there, though, an open ga-
rage reveals the presence of a new
$20,000 Mercedes. Everywhere, there's
too much fresh paint, too many new
apartment buildings and fashionable res
taurants, Property values are soaring in
California's crazed real-estate market.

Fonda settled here in a two-step move
to escape the idiotic luxury of Beverly
Hills, first leaving her expensive home
there for a smaller house in the San
Fernando Valley. Even that residence,
however, had the minor grandeur of a
swimming pool; and after her marriage
to Hayden, they moved on to his former
haunts in Santa Monica, partly because
she knew he was uncomfortable with the
size of her home and the pool.

Almost unemployed, they had to
scrape together the $40,000 it cost to buy
the little house. Now she's making plen-
ty and the little house a block from the
ocean is worth more than $100,000 and
abing.

For some people, downward mobility
is hard to achieve. We can only hope
Jane Fonda doesn't stop trying.

Enter the

Contax Photography Contest.

Take a shot

at winning a Porsche!

The camera that has stepped beyond all other 35mm cameras
presents the biggest photography contest ever held!

Designed by the Porsche De-
sign Group, Contax RTS hasa so-
phisticated electro/magnetic
shutter system, a total display
viewfinder, world-famous Carl
Zeiss optics, and a vast array of ac-
cessories. And now, a photogra-
phy contest exclusively for U.S.
registered Contax RTS owners.

Drive away with a brand new
$19,000 Porsche 911. And one
click of your Contax shutter
could do it!

Who's to judge?

Six world-famous photogra-
phers will select the winners. They
are: Eddie Adams, John Dominus,
Ormond Gigli, John B. Loengard,
Carl Mydans, and Sam Zarember.

Contest Rules
Contest opens May 1, 1978.
Pictures must be received by mid-
night August 31, 1978. You may
submit up to 5 color transparen-
ciesorblackand white 8x10 prints

Second Prize
Picture yourselfon a triparound
the world with stops at the Carl
Zeiss lens factory in Germany, plus
a visit to Yashica’s camera factory
in Japan.

Third Prize
A once-in-a-lifetime opportu-
nitytojoinatopprofessional pho-
tographer for one week of shooting
on location in a foreign country.

Real Time System

Entry forms are available only through your local authorized Contax dealer.

with accompanying negatives. To
win, your picture must be previ-
ously unpublished and have been
taken with a U.S. registered Con-
tax RTS camera after January 1,
1978. Each photograph should be
marked with your rame, address
and phone number. If you wish to
haye pictures returned, include a
self-addressed retum postage en-
velope with your entries. Yashica,
Inc. is not responsible for lost or
damaged photographs. Winners
will be announced by September
30, 1978, and will be available at
your authorized Contax dealer.
Winning pictures become the
property of Yashica/Contax world-
wide and may appear in Contax
advertisements, promotion or
publicity materials. Professional
photographers, employees of
Yashica, Inc. and families are not
eligible. Contest void where
prohibited by law. Mail entries to:
Contax Photography Contest, 411
Sette Drive, Paramus, New Jersey
07652, or see your local dealer for

entry forms.

Call the Contax toll-free
Hotline for your nearest
dealer and see the
stunning audio/visual
presentation of Contax.

(800)3275351

Tn Florida, call (800) 431-8407 toll-free.

PLAYBOY

If You've Got It, Flaunt It!

Y 4
v

14
à me

If you're lucky enough to have a lean, trim, hard body, make the most of it.
Get into Angels Flighi™ pants and turn the ladies on.
Angels Flight is the original — the dressy gabardine pant that started the disco look.
The fit is so snug and provocative it's downright sinful.
You'll even feel sexier wearing them.
Add a matching vest and blazer and you'll have to fight the girls off.

Angels Fight
Pere "you look at Ih
Anyway Yi a winner!

21978 Tobias Kotzin Company

inga ship's pilot er.
getting to your ship- Rugged jobs

cac ambia River picks up Yaha ot Pacific Northwes They have since
pilot boat and throws? asandbar . came to log at Bis and fish her seas. The
waves over 30 feet xit s tossed around like of men bre for back
ip waves qt yo feel ile yn bt inl

Ayon en you get to the ship 09° AS, sgin Bomin te Pale No pet
30-foot waves chase you up 60 feet of swaying today it's at home wherever a man loves his beer.

Olympia Br m
'ewing Compar
pany, Olympia, Washington "OLY: 9.
E

PLAYBOY

The Hot Tub Experience

It takes your breath away at first.
Then the hot, swirling water does its magic.

Your body sinks back. Suddenly the simple pleasures of
relaxation are rediscovered. There's laughter,
playful splashing, quiet conversations. . .

Introducing the Hot Tub Experience
from California Cooperage. It exactly fits

the spirit of our time.

Soaking is for Everyone
Hot tubbing is just plain fun.

soothing and natural. Itcan be sociable
or solitary. Enjoyed in any climate.
Whatever time of year. And thanks to
our low cost do-it-yourself hot tub
kits, anyone can enjoy the bene-
fits.

Our Package is Complete

First off, each California
Cooperage hot tub is precision-
milled from only the finest kiln-
dried, all-heart redwood. It can
be assembled in a few hours
and lasts for generations.

Our spa equipment system
produces thousands of in-
vigorating bubbles and
keeps constant vigil over
water purity. It’s com-
pletely self-contained.
Heavy-duty. Time-
tested and virtually
maintenance free.

And as a practical
matter, California
Cooperage hot tubs
are both ecologically
sensible and an excel-
lent investment.

It's

The First To Do It Right

We deliver our hot tub spa
package anywhere in the U.S.
for only $1499, plus freight.
Comes to your door pre-cut,
ready to assemble. Includes a 4’
solid redwood tub, pump, filter,
heater, hydro-massage jets, and
accessories. You need little more
than household tools, the help
of a friend and a free weekend.
It's that simple!

Get the entire
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world's lead-
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we'll also

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erry
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(805) 544-9300 D7

ooperage

NOBODY EVER WOKE UP
REGRETTING HAVING HAD
ONE TOO FEW.

Too much of anything is no good. if you dont feel good the next morning. Or cant

Too much food makes you fat. Too much keep your mind clear for work because your
talking makes you boring. Too much spending heads ina fog.
makes you broke. And too much to drink can Thats why wed rather see people use our
make:you hurt. products responsibly than to excess.

We. the people who make and sell distilled If you want to feel better tomorrow. we
spirits make our products in the hope that they ^ suggest you have one too few tonight. :
will be used for pleasure. And its no pleasure Distilled Spirits Council of the U.S, (DISCUS).

1300 Pennsylvania Building, Washington. D.C. 20004

PLAYBOY

182

Pisa j

lerá (continued from page 108)

“Premature ejaculation can be corrected—but not
by amateur effort. Distractions don't work.”

business. (The prostitute may reassure the
novice, commending him on his ability.)
Sometimes a beginner can't believe h
good luck—and hurries before his part-
ner can change her mind. It takes only a
few sexual encounters to establish the
groove, Or perhaps the rut.

Many sexually crippled men have no
idea that th
sexual partners. If a man isn't married.
his partners on one-night stands usually

bothers to correct the situation— instead,
they move on to new partners. If he is
married, it is frequently several y
before an unbelievably frustrated partner
angrily upsets his apple cart one night
by accusing him of being totally selfish,
interested only in his own pleasure and
never thinking of her needs, Such a di
closure usually comes as a shock, for
the male who has become conditioned to
speedy sex has no frame of reference.

He has always aimed to please and until
now has had no complaints.

Premature ejaculation can be correct-
ed—but not by amateur effort. Distrac-
tions don't work. Counting backward
from 100 doesn’t work. Biting your lip
doesn't work. Thinking of the office
doesn’t work. Most men try to put on
the brakes after they've hit the icc—by
then, it's too late. Learning self-control
takes a cooperative, understanding part-
ner. In Human Sexual Inadequacy, Y de-
scribe the squeeze technique: A woman
brings her partner to the edge of orgasm,
then, before he can ejaculate, squeezes
between her fingers.
‘The overwhelming urge to ejaculate will
diminish and the process can be repeat-
ed. Gradually, the man becomes familiar
with the sensations leading to orgasm and
can learn to slow down and regain control.

.
ll elements of our
tack the problem

In the past, sm
society have tried to

“How are they selling?”

of firstnight disasters. For example, at
the turn of the century. the Oneida
Community in Upstate York was
teaching young men ejaculatory control
as a conception-control mechanism. The
young men were initiated into sexual
activity and taught control by post-
menopausal women, and older, well-
controlled men performed similar services
lor the young women in the colony.
As a contraceptive measure, the tech
niques reportedly worked well, but we
have no knowledge of whether or not
controlled "sexual induction" by expe
enced partners reasonably guaranteed
effective sexual performances when the
young people were allowed to mate.
Ideally, we should develop adequate
educational programs for the sexually
inexperienced, Not the birdsand-bec:
thing but programs conducted by compe-
tent professionals discussing social re-
sponsibilities, underscoring sexual values
and suggesting ways and means of ad-
iting sexual ignorance with comfort.
After all, if men and women had the
self-confidence to acknowledge th
ginal states and ask for help before they
plunged, half the battle would be won.
While there would still be distressful
failures after identifying a neophyte sta-
tus, the level of distress would be of
little moment compared with the degree
of trauma that develops when pretending
an expertise we don't have or assuming
or assigning a responsibility we can’t
meet. We must accept the facts that men
as well as women can be sexually inex-
perienced without loss of face and that
one cannot accept responsibility for a
rtner's facility in sexual response.
Although we have emphasized the
ive in this discussion of virginal
traumas, and we certainly haven't been
about the possibility of alter-
ing culturally established sexual lue
systems, a positive note is in order for
those tens of thousands of men who will
have read this article and identified with
one or another of the situations de-
scribed. For those who have been caught
in the ego grinder of sexual ignorance
and who remain severely handicapped by
failed first experiences, all is not lost.
1 inadequacies that arise from
al matings are reversible
percentage of cases. There is ev

ew.

vir-

er portent in the fact that our socicty
ued

finally has recognized that coni
sexual ignorance in our young will |
them to repeat our sexual mistakes and
to suffer our sexual disasters. Happily,
they are learning to avoid these pitfalls,
sometimes even with our help. Obvious:
ly, it’s far better to avoid problems than
to have to treat them; but if they exist,
how much better it is to treat than to

live a half life.

“Why kid anyone? Ismoke
because l enjoy it. I'm the kind of guy
who gets pleasure out of a cigarette.
But Tm not deaf to what's being said
about tar.

"So [searched out a cigarette
that would give me taste with low tar.
And two years ago | found it in
Vantage. Vantage has all the taste I
enjoy yet, surprisingly, much less tar
than myold brand.

"Why did I choose Vantage?
Because l like it”

P2747 fne

Michael Epperson
Miami, Florida

Regular,
Menthol, an
Vantage 100s

Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined

n i FILTER: TI mg. "tar", 0.7 mg. nicotine, MENTHOL: 1 mg. "ter",
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183

PLAYBOY

A lec D ‘CLO~ (continued from page 92)

“Every once in a while, I get into a negative frame
of mind: Nothing seems to make any sense.”

experience, whether it's visiting an ice
floc in Newfoundland, exploring ancient

for a total diver-
g it out in Las Vegas. I tend
to go around in my own world. I don't
want ro worry about having to take
someone with me. When I have time
alone, I'd rather read or go to films; I
haven't watched TV in two years, except
for my own show. And I probably
wouldn't have watched that if I hadn't
been in it. I really want to work in films
again, because the whole approach to
acting is different. In TV, we shot an
hour's show in eight days. For an hour-
anda-half feature film, it takes three
months, There's so much. morc time to
work on concepts and ideas and feelings,
and to take them to a much deeper level.
I hope to become involved in the types
of films I like to sce, generally European
films, like those of Rergman, Truffaut
and Lelouch. They seem to deal with
people on a more intimate level. That's
what film acting is all about a very
close look.

PLAYBOY: What was memorable about
your previous film experiences?

Martin: When I left high school to make
my first film, To Find a Man, I didn't
know what the hell I was doing. 1 was
only 17. It was the story of a pregnant
15-year-old who wanted to get an abor.
tion but didn’t want her parents to find
out about it. So she employed the boy
next door, who had an enormous crush
on her, to help her out. On the basis of
that movie, I was asked to come to Cali-
fornia to make one of the first disaster
films, The Poseidon Adventure. The
fact that it was one of the first is the
only good thing I have to say about it. I
was one of two children who escaped.
The one film that was really a total
experience for me was Our Time. lt was
about two girls in boarding school in the
Fiftics and, again, an illegal abortion. I
seem to have a propensity for that. In
Buster and Billie, 1 played the pretty
high school girl, the class bitch. I'm
bored by that, because I've played it so
many times before. The kind of thing

I could do best is something that I
haven't had the chance to do vet. I keep
asking myself when it will happen. I
could wait my whole life for Bergman
and never find him. I have a lot of un-
answered questions about this life. I
often wonder what we're here for. Every
once in a while, I get into a negative
frame of mind: Nothing scems to make
any sense. I just can't figure out the
point. I keep asking myself why. You can
only get yourself crazy with that ques-
tion. 1 got myself crazy for a while. I
went into therapy—not because I ex-
pected to get any answers but because
y questions were burning me up and
hibiting my ability to function. If
you're with the right person, it can be
a great learning experience. And it was.

Any lingering doubts?

Matin: Only this feeling 1 have about
becoming a commercial entity. At tl
point in Hollywood, one's popularity
often has to do with how big one’s pub-
licity agent is. That's repellent to me. I
want to be successful. But I'd rather go
a medium route than go all out for pub-
licity—like the Charlie's Angels group—
and feel like I'm selling out, I'd rather
be a semisuccessful person and get to do
a few projects I could fecl proud of,
maybe one or two nice films a year. I
don't particularly want to be famous.

PLAYBOY:

Finally. Simply

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185

PLAYBOY

186

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D BankAmericard [£ Master Charge

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vai o PLAY BOY.

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Zip or county

SHAPE-UP RESORTS

(continued from page 129)
percent tax. For more information (there
are numerous health and vacation plans),
contact La Costa Hotel and Spa, Cost
del Mar Road, Carlsbad, California
92008.

Farther north, near Escondido, Cali-
fornia, is Deborah Szekely Marzanti's
famous Golden Door, a super spa for
women that four times a year admits
health-minded couples for a week of
rigorous exercise, tasty low-calorie food,
water volleyball, herbal wraps, saunas,
etc, all in the tranquil setting of a Jap-
anese inn. By the end of the week, you
can't help but be converted to the Gold-
en Doors religious belief that we all
need to get our mind and body together
ycar-round through regular exercise and
watching our diet.

A week at the Golden Door is $3150
for two, including tips and taxes. For
more information on couples’ weeks or
the men-only sessions, write to the Gold-
en Door, Box 1567, Escondido, Cali
for 92025.

Deborah Mazzanti is also director of
another West Coast spa, Rancho La
Puerta, that's located near the Mexican
border town of Tecate. Rancho La
Puerta takes a casual approach to the
day's activities; you can hike, swim, exer-
cise, etc., at your leisure—and the price
is easier on your wallet, too: about $800
to $1000 a week for two, plus six percent
tax and tips. For a brochure, write to
Rancho La Puerta, Tecate, California

92080,
If you'd rather spend your shape-up
week in sunny Florida, there's Palm-

Aire, a large, delightful resort spa located
in Pompano Beach, next door to Fort
Lauderdale. Male-female separate-but-
equal spa accommodations offer the
usual luxurious amenities, but the two
of you can also get it together jogging,
playing water volleyball and on the
golf course and the tennis courts. A week
at Palm-Aire for two will set you back
about $1749, including most gratuities.
For additioi info, write to The Spa at
Palm-Aire, 2501 Palm-Aire Drive, Pom-
pano Beach, Florida 33060.

Not technically a spa, the just-opened
Minden at Hampton Court in Bridge-
hampton, Long Island, is a "recondi-
tioning center" for those couples who
are scriously interested in losing weight.
Minden's main builling is a huge re-
Iurbished mansion located on 1l and
one halt landscaped acres. Although the
setting is one of baronial splendor,
guests will be restricted to a Spartan 700
calories a day. If that sounds like your
cup of unsweetened tea, write to Minden
at Hampton Court, P.O. Box 468, Ocean
Road, Bridgehampton, New York 11992.
Wherever you go—happy workout!

“Hang gliding was beginning to lose its thrill,
Jo Ann, and then you came along ...!”

187

PLAYBOY

188

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SANDWICHES

(continued from page 132)
mushrooms. Add grind pepper, salt to
taste and enough mayonnaise to bind.
Refrigerate.

STEAK SIZZLE
(Serves four)

1 Ib. beef fillet, trimmed

About Y stick sweet butter

1 large clove garlic

1 tablespoon soy sauce

2 tablespoons medium-dry sherry

Thin slice fresh ginger

Salt, pepper, to taste

4 crusty rolls (or English muffins), split

and buttered

Cut fillet into 4 equal steaks. Flatten,
using heavy pan, mallet or side of cleay-
er, to make fillets 14 in. thick. (We're
talking about true fillet, not any bone-
less piece of beef.) Dry steaks on paper
toweling. In large heavy pan, melt butter
over medium heat until sputtering
ceases. Squash garlic and sauté 1 minute;
remove. Add steaks to pan and brown
quickly, about 2 minutes each side. Don't
overcook. Add soy, sherry and ginger.
Continue cooking for another minute or
two, turning once, until steaks are done
to your liking. Remove to warm platter
and reduce liquid in pan by about half.
(Add salt and pepper, but taste first, as
soy is saline.) Place each steak on roll
bottom, spoon a little sauce over and
cover with roll top. Serve with sliced ripe
tomatoes and cucumbers.

ELIO's CUBANO
Available in Cuban or Cuban-Chinese
restaurants—or make your own.
Gin. length crusty French or Italian
brcad, split

Butter, mayonnaise or mustard (op-
tional)

2 slices roast pork

2 slices Virginia or boiled ham

slices Swiss cheese
slices mortadella

Sweetsour pickle (optional)

Lightly toast cut sides bread. Spread
with butter, mayonnaise or mustard, if
you like. Layer bottom with meat and
cheese, in order given. Top with pickle
(ec note) and cover with remaining
bread. Toast in sandwich grill under
pressure, at 350° Fahrenheit, 3 or 4 min-
utes each side . . . or in heavy skillet, at
medium heat, with weight on sandwich
(uch as flat plate holding 2 cans).

Nole: In Cuba, they like it pico—
spicy—which means pickle and perhaps
ground pepper or red-pepper
They also like the Cubano well toasted.

What do you drink with a sandwich?
That's easy—anything that suits your
taste. Beer, wine, lemonade, soda .
even a highball, if that’s your pleasure.
"There's only one rule: Enjoy it!

sauce.

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PLAYBOY

190

DA DD NA B
BARROOM Bel S (continued from page 153)

“Patter is necessary for a magician to create context,
musdirect attention and intensify impact.”

alternate. Beer, empty, beer, empty, beer,
empty. Pour the contents of the second
glass into the fifth one.

The following five bets are of a more
respectable sort. There are no misleading
phrasings. No mystical powers or exotic
devices are needed. They require neither
accomplices nor prestidigitation. We've
set them up so you can test your skill
first. If you're still at a loss after setting
them up and applying your own powers
of reason, take heart: We've supplied
the explanations farther on.

IF 1 GET THE DIM.
YOU GET THE BEER

As a bet is proposed, an important.
consideration is who will attempt. the

solution. By consistently wagering that
you can, you are assured of two things:
(1) You will not lose, because vou know
the solution and any person who accepts
the bet doesn't; and (2) this will soon be
obvious to anyone and you'll find your-
self with few takers. Bet others that they
cannot and you're increasing the risk,
but the challenge will usually be too
tempting for anyone to turn down.

The obvious answer is to mix your
propositions. But however this wager is
made, the setup is the same: Drop a
dime, then a quarter, into a standard
two-ounce jigger. Its conical shape will
hold the coins firmly and about one half
inch apart. The challenge is to remove
the dime without touching or removing

“Why all the excitement, Ngwambi? I believe we've
all seen a man-eating plant before.”

the quarter. Use of hands and/or other
objects is taboo.

THE GREAT GRAPE EFFUSION

rection of thought or attention is
a magician's tool that can also be of
valuable assistance in winning barroom
In setting up this wager, a pre-
ary bet on the Perplexing Pepper
Penetration Puzzle will help completely
baffle the most unflappable quarry.

The P.P.P.P. is constructed by-drop-
ping a coin into a shallow glass of water
and sprinkling black pepper liberally
over the surface. The challenge is to
remove the coin with your fingers with-
out touching any pepper, which must
remain floating. The pepper will coat
the surface evenly, making the wager
seemingly impossible to win. It’s not.
With a small, undetectable amount. of
soap or detergent. ier obtained from
the rest room or bar) on the tip of the
finger. touch the edge of the water. The
pepper grounds will immediately accu-
mulate on the opposite side, allowing
you to slide the coin up the inside of
the glass with one finger and to emerge
without a trace of condiment.

The post-prandial lull of a dinner ac-
cented by a bottle of wine is the perfect
setting for The Great Grape Effusion. Its
solut ssive spectacle. Place
a quarter à few inches off center on a
plate, saucer or large dish, Add wine or
water until the coin is completely cov-
ered. Can the coin be lifted out by bare,
dry fingers, without spilling or pouring
off any liq

CHANGE FOR A DOLLAR

Patter is necessary for a magi
create context, direct attenti
ntensify impact. Although this
ires neither unusual accessories nor
ated legerdemain, winning it is
magic in the traditional sense, and a
snappy line can help.

You remove a dollar bill from your
fold. You hold its ends firmly and
shap it as you show both sides, Leave no
jar bill.

be about increasing vour money's buying
power or expressing sympathy for the
dollar because it’s always changed into
smaller deno ions rather than larg-
er. Actually, the theme is of secondary
ignificance; the important thing is that
you sound natural. Don't come on still
or contrived.

You fold the bill three times as you
talk. Then vou can either hold it or,
better yet, place it under a glass where
the denomination is slightly distorted.
Then you bet that when you unfold it, it
will be a $50 bill.

PRESENCE UNDER GLASS

When properly posed, a barroom bet
should scem cither absurdly simple or

“Ilie Nastase introduced us to
white rum and tonic?

“One day when I was photographing
a match for a tennis magazine, Ilie Nastase
came over to say hello. He displayed his
usual charm —and then proceeded to tellme
how much he hated one of my pictures
of him in a recent issue.

That night, in a spirit of atonement,
Ilie took Bob and me out to a Japanese
restaurant. Before dinner, he ordered
Puerto Rican white rum and tonic, a drink
we had never tried before. We were
intrigued, so we ordered the same.

When llie is right, he's right. White rum
and tonic were made for each other.

PUERTO RICAN RUMS

For free “Light Rums ol Puerto Rico” reci
Dept. P-4, 1290 Avenue of the Americas, N.Y, N Y. 10019 © 1978 Commonwealth of Puerto Rico

A Rumanian in a Japanese restaurant
introducing two Americans to Puerto Rican
white rum

That's how we got on to a good thing”

Convert yourself.

Instead of automatically order-
ing gin and tonic, try white
rum and Canada Dry Tonic
next time. Canada Dry is the
classic summer tonic. And
Puerto Rican Rum makes a
smoother drink than gin or
vodka —for a very good reason.
Unlike gin or vodka, white rum
from Puerto Rico is aged for at
least a full year before it's
bottled. And when it comes to
smoothness, aging is

the name of the game

es. write: Puerto Rican Rums.

impossible to win. When a solution
seems obvious, chances are the real one

e won't be, When it seems impossible, the
IUe solution is often obvious after the fact.
There are a few barroom bets that

combine an apparently impossible situ-

e
with leasure [/ ation with an ingenious solution, Such as

e this one. Balance a nickel on the bar and

balance a match on the nickel. Invert a

shot glass and place it over them, making

sure the rim sits flush on the bar. The

glass should not be touching the match or

the nickel. The bet is on who can knock

the match off the coin without the glass

or the bar's being touched or moved.

PLAYBOY

THE LAST STRAW

Begin with three identical goblets,
cach of about an eightounce capacity.
Size is not very important, except that
the diameter of the rim should be gre:
er than the diameter of the base. Over
the first glass, which is placed upright
and empty on the bar, spread about a
half-dozen swizzle sticks. Submerge the
two other glasses in a sinkful of water,
press the rims together to seal in the
water and stand them upon the swizzle
sticks, Without touching any part of this
impressive and. precarious structure, get
the water from the top glass into the
bottom one.

HOW TO WIN
IE 1 GET THE DIME,
YOU GET THE BEER

Perform this solution yourself, if pos-
sible. The reason: When people are

forbidden to touch something small.

Afterall,
if smoking isn't
a pleasure,

desperation sometimes makes them blow
on it.

Dureka! By blowing down the inside
edge of the jigger, the coins will tumble
until the dime, as the lighter one, will
spin out. A gust of medium velocity is in
order. Blow too softly and nothing will
happen. Too hard, both coins will fly.

THE CREAT GRAPE EFFUSION
Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined Blowing on the liquid will usually
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. cause it to splatter. Coat your fingers
with oil or grease and technically they
won't be dry; wine and water will bead
on them anyway. If lycopodium powder,

192

“Damn it, Holmes, you'll just have to wait for the needle.”

193

PLAYBOY

194

which allows one to penetrate water yet

emerge completely dry, is not commonly

found in your tavern or pocket, try this:
In a break or cut in a cork, place two

matches (head side out). Put the cork as
dose to the center of the plate as pos
sible, making sure the matches are high
and dry and the coin is several inches

ht the matches, then cover the
cork with an empty glass. As the flames
are extinguished by the lack of oxygen,
the liq will be sucked into the glass,
permitting a dry removal of the quarter.

If the evening progresses from grape
to grain, another bet can be made and
won. Procure an empty fifth that recent-
ly contained gin, whiskey or brandy.
Drop a inatch into Let it burn out,
which will take a few seconds. Bet it can-
not be done agai
easy, your gull will try and fa
Ue must be turned over and sha
second match to remain lit. Unless the
inside is replenished, ch
work with a total of only three matches,
regardless of the number of times the
bottle is turned.

. Thinking it to be

|. The bot-

CHANGE FOR A DOLLAR.

Although the solution to many bar-
room bets is necessarily shown. the
winning, this one is an excep
close as it is to magic, two cardi
of the profession apply; Do not reveal

the same people more than once.

This bet requires some prey
and practice, but its unusually s
impact warrants both. To prepare it,
fold a do! ctly im half verti-
cally. Do it again. Then make
zontal fold, so that the bill forms a

“Let us prey.”

sure two corners of the bill, rather than
the two middle sixths, are exposed. The
creases should be sharp and the edges of
the folds must be perfectly

UNITED STATH

Do the same to a $50 bill.

The bills can be joined with either
rubber cement or a loop of cellophane
tape. When using the former, which
ollers an adhesion that is both less bulky
and less likely to slip, lightly coat one of
the two exposed corners of each bill and
allow the cement to dry, Then press
these sections together slowly, so that
the edges of neither bill are visible
when the face of the other is shown.
Carrying the bills this way in your wallet
will help make them more compact and
the sharper creases will enable you to
refold them precisely, vet in an appar-
ently carefree manner

The dollar bill should be unfolded
shortly hefore the bet is made. T
not to give away the secret nor a $
don't spend it. As you show both sides
of the one to your mark, you'll be cover
ing the folded $50 with two or three
fingers. In snapping the bill several
times, this finger placement will scem
completely natural. Practice this, unfold-
ing the $50 bill while concealing the
folded single, and the casual flipping of
the folded packet to the $50 side.

(concluded on page 196)

1 Whiskey
Sour
Z x J
| ; | 2 f
$, Bloody Mary Grasshopper

ee ee
Ss Mai Tai

———

INTRODUCING THE TALL COOL ONES.
WHEN THE TEMPERATURE GOES UP.
THEY RISE TO THE OCCASION.

When the summer sun is high in the sky, the tonic you need may be
more than the trickle of pleasure you get from a gin and tonic. It's the wave of ais
pleasure you get from the Tall Cool Ones from Holland House.

Take for example, our passionately delicious Pina Colada. Our
fruity Hawaiian Mai Tai. Our tingling Sours. Or our ice creamy Grasshopper,
Alexander and Pink Squirrel. Each is the tallest, lightest, freshest,
most thirst-quenching thing this side of Labor Day. Baas ee

All you do is fill the tallest glass you can find 7 r~
with all the ice it will hold. And pour in any Holland - SUAE PETITES
House Cocktail —mixed the usual easy way. > COLD puny F:

So take a vacation from the usual summer a Ca
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Then let the whole gang plunge into some

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1@ z >
HOLLAND HOUSE COCKTAIL MIXES TOE
LARGEST SELLING COCKTAIL MIX.
um
N

Strawberry -
Sting 2

Tom

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S

PLAYBOY

The Turkish Affair.
The East and the West are one.
Touch. Feel. Sense.

Izmira Vodka is an idea, an attitude, a
sensing of the pulse of a people bridging
the civilizations of two continents. And so

itis not and cannot be like any other

vodka. In Turkey, they consider Izmira
Vodka a dream fulfilled. You need not be a
romantic to taste it and know it is true.

İZMİRA
ZMIRi Vodka
For people of good taste.

BEETS. IMPORTED AND BOI

PRESENCE UNDER GLASS

All that is required to win this bet is
dean hair and a rubber or nylon comb.
Comb the hair slowly. Hold the comb

next to the . Static electricity will

displace the m
THE LAST STRAW

Use cither ndard straw or a hol
low swizzle stick. Blow through it onto

the point where the water filled
. the seam will break slightly and
the water will trickle down the sides of
the middle glass and into the lowe
May the betting man win.

pei

the defense contends its client could never

our Honor,

«y

get a fair trial in this court.

197

PLAYBOY

198

(continued from page 112)

“I suddenly saw her naked, all bones, her long arms
freckled, standing up to her knees in water.”

felt this and, oddly, I did, too.

But no Joyce came and André gave
restless glances at the bottle of sherry that
as now empty. Bertie saw that a distrac-
tion was needed.

“We can't wait
"Let us eat.”

He jumped up and, putting on one of
his ads of pantomime, he went to the
dining table, picked up a carving knife
and fork and. flinging his short arms
wide, he pretended to sharpen the knife
and then to carve an imaginary joint.

We laughed loudly y joined him

“Come on!” she said and, pulling Le
Monde out of his pocket, put it on the
dish and said, I

Bertie w

"Shame," he said, put
back in his pocket.

Fortunately, the front door banged and
ame Joyce, breathless, frightened, half-
aghing, kissing everyone and telling us

ny longer" he said.

g the paper

that Hendrick was giving a lesson when
she got there and then would not let her
go. And, of course, she
hours at a bus stop.

"Poor Bertie,” she cried and
on the forchead and, sh
stared back, daring us to say anything
that would upset him. She went out to
the Kitchen and came back to whisper to
her sister.

"I've got the chops, but I must have
left the pud in the taxi. Don't tell him.
What shall i d.

She looked primly at me. She had not
yet changed her clothes, but because she
looked prim (and by one of those tricks
of the mind), I suddenly saw her standing
naked, all bones, her long arms freckled,
and standing up to her knees in the water
rushing over the rocks of a mountain
stream in the north where she and Ber
nd I and a dimbi ty had once
camped for the night. I was naked, 100,

“Oh, darling, yowll never guess who's here.”

and on the bank, helpizg her out, while
Bertie, who had refused to go into the
river, was standing fully dressed and al-
ready, at seven in the morning, with an
open book. Bertie was unconcerned

Yes, 1 thought this evening, as she
looked at me, I had one of those reve
tions that come late to a lover: $
with the look of a girl who h nge
shame of her bones. She pouts and looks
Goss as a woman does at an inquisiti
child; there is a pause when she does not
know what to do, and then she pushes
her bones out of her mind and laughs.
But that pause has bowled one over. It
was because Joyce was so funny to look at
that I had become serious about her.

By the time we all sat down to the meal
and studied her, I had advanced to the
tasy that when she laughed, her collar-
bones laughed. She had quickly changed
into a dress that was lower in the neck,
so that one saw her long throat. The food
was poor; she was no cook, but André
had brought wine and soon we were all
shouting. Bertie was in full cackle and
Joyce was telling us about Hendrick,
whom the rest of us had never met, and
ner Bertie persuaded Joyce to go
10 the piano and sing a French song

“Jeune Fillette,” he called. Quickly,
with a Hash of nervous intimacy in her
glance of obedience, she sat at the piano
and began:

“Jeune filletie, profitez du temps...

Bertie rocked his head
out of her long th
small and high and it seemed to me that
she carried the tune like i
her, The notes of the accompa
seemed to come down her arms, into her
hands—which were really too big—and
out of the fingers, rather than from the
piano. She sang and she played as if she
did not exist.

"Her French accent" Andrés wife
whispered, “is perfect; not like And
And said so again when the song ended

Joyce had her entrancing and sens
look of having done something wrong,

"She can't speak a word of Frer
said Bertie enthusiastically.
ht months in Paris,
nd couldn't say anythi

"No," said André, swelling out to tell
one of his long Belgian stories, "is the
important word.

"You have Mothers voice,” Ivy said
to Joyce, And to us, "Mother's voice wa
small And true, too—and yet she y
deaf for the last twenty years of her lif
You won't believe it, but Father
sing the solo iu church on Sundays and
Mother rehearsed him all the week per-
fectly, and yet she can't have heard a
note. When she died, Joyce had to do it.
And she hated it, didn’t you.”

Joyce swung round on the stool and

t. The voice was

but yes and no.”

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PLAYBOY

200

now we saw—what I had begun to know
too well—a fit of defiance.

“I didn't hate that, Ivy,” she said
know what I couldn't bear! On Satur-
days," Joyce blurted to us all, daring Ivy
to stop her, “after lunch, before anything
s cleared away, he used to make me get

‘ou

w
the scissors and dip the hair out of his
cars, ready for Sunday.

“Joye
xagperat

I don't,” said Joyce. "He used to belch
and spit into the fireplace, too. He was
always spitting, It was disgusting.

We knew that the girls were the daugh-
ters of a small builder who had worked
his way up and was a mixture of religion
and rough habits.

“And so," said Bertie to
tion, “my future spouse began her Wan-
derjahr, abandoned all and ran away to
Paris, where Ivy had established her-
sell

Ivy nodded gratefully.

“Your baron, Joyce!” she laughed.

"Who is the baron?" the
asked.

Now Joyce appealed to Ivy not to
speak, but Bertie told us, mentioning that

said Ivy, very annoyed. “You

ve the situa-

and met the baron

Australian

he had met the baron since those days, in

Paris and Amsterdam Bertie kept in

touch with eyeryone he had ever met. It

is painful to hear someone amiably de
stroy one of the inexpressible episodes in
one’s life and I knew Joyce was about to
suffer, for in one of our confiding after-
noons, she had tried to tell me. It was
true that Ivy, the efficent, had started a
translation bureau in Paris and the so-
called baron, a Czech exile, used to dic-
tute long political articles to Joyce. In the
long waits while he struggled to t
into English, Joyce's mind was far away

“He always asked for Joyce,” Ivy said.
"He used to say ——"

“You are not to say it!" said Joyce.

But Ivy mimicked him.

“1 vant ze girl viz ze beautiful ear, One
year is, she knows no French, no
languages—but she understands. How is
zat? She does not listen to ze language
She listens to the pause

“Well done!" cried Bertie.

“What the hell is the pause?
Australian.

"Before he started dictating again,” I
aid brusquely.

Bertie looked at me sharply. I realized
1 had almost given Joyce away. What I
think the baron was trying to say (I had
told Joyce, when she, too, had asked me
what he meant, for she had grown fond
ol him and was sorry for his family, too,
whom he had had to leave in Prague)
was that Joyce had ihe gift of discon-

said the

tinuity. She was in a dream until the
voice that was dictating or some tune
began again. She and I went on talking
about this for a long time without getting
any dearer about it and I agree there
Was some conceit this
theory: I saw myself as the tune she was
waiting for.
André,” Joyæ called to hide her
ger. "Sing us your song. The awful one.
“Irs Bertie’s song,” said André. “I's
his tour de force. Play on, Joyce—and put
all the pauses in."
She could always take a joke from
André, who looked like a mottled pic-
crust. He had all the beer and Burgundy
of Brussels in. him, all those mussels, cels
and oysters, and t
Bertie’s song was one of his
mime acts to which his long nose, his
cyes darting side glances and his sudden
assumption of a nasal voice gave a spe
cial lubricity. The song was a rapid caba-
ret piece about a wedding night in which
the bride's shoulder is bitten through
her neck twisted and her arm broken,
and ends with her mother being called
in and saying:

on my part in

venison.

panto-

Gigit la seule en France

Qui soit morte de cela.
Bertie was devilish as Joyce vamped
out the insinuating tune. We all joined

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201

PLAYBOY

202

at the tops of our voices in the chorus
at the end of each verse:
Ga ne va guère, ça ne va pas,

even Joyce, her little blue eyes sparkling
at the words she did not understand,
though André had once explained them
to her. In the last chorus, she glanced
back at me, sending me a reckless mes-
sage. I understood it. From her point of
view (and Bertie's), wedding nights were
an academic subject. Bertie’s enjoyment
of the song was odd.

“Really, Bertie! said the dark girl
who had argued with him about French
socialism at dinner,

When she got up from the piano,
Joyce looked enviously at her sister
because her Australian husband had
laughed the loudest and had given Ivy a
squeeze. Then, as she caught my cye
again, her strange pout of sensuous
shame appeared and I felt I was slapped
on the face for having thoughts in my
mind that matched her own. Her look
told me that | could never know how
truly she loved Bertie and feared him,
too, as she would love and fear a child.
And she hated me for knowing what I
would never have known unless she had
mumbled the tale of tears and failure

in the gray room next door.

And a glum stare from Podge, Bert-
ie’s oldest friend, showed me even more
that I was an outsider.

The song had stirred Bertie's memory,
too, but of somet He
planted himself before me and sprang
into yet another of his pantomime acts
that the sight of me excited. He put on
his baby voi

"William and I didn't have our pud-
ding! Poor Bertie didn't have his pud-
ding."

Joyce's face reddened. Their every-
day domestic life, the talk of food moncy
and rearrangements, was irritating in my
situation. I lived on my desire: They
had the intimacy of eating. I must have
put on a mask, for Ivy said:

“William's all right. He's got his well-
fed Chinese look.”

Even Joyce had once said that about
me.

How awful of me!" Joyce cried to
all of us.

I thought we were lost, but she re-
covered in time.

‘Oh, Bertie, isn't it terrible? I left
-." (She dared not say “in the ta
left it at Hendrick’s.

“So you're both lousy lays! You see, you do
have something in common!”

Berie's jollity went. He looked as
stubborn as stone at Ivy and Joyce.
Then, with one of his ingenious cackles,
he dropped into French.

“Toul s'arrange,” he said. "You can
pick it up on Friday when you go there
for rehearsal. By the way, what was it?”

. Bertie,” Ivy said. "It will be
stale or covered in mold by then. Apple

ll saw a glitter of moisture in
Berüe's eyes: It might have come from
greed or the streak of miserliness in him:
it might have been tears.

“We must get them back,” said Bertie.

André saved Joyce by coming out wi
one of his long, detailed stories about a
Flemish woman who kept a chicken in
her refrigerator for two months after her
husband left her. It became greener and
greener and when he came back with his
tail between his legs, she made him eat
it. And he died.

Andi£s stories parodied one's life,
è distracted Bertic while Joyce
whispered to her sister.
He means it.”
Tell him Hendrick ate them. He has
probably eaten them by now. Singers are
always eating.”

That would be wors 1 Joyce.

After that, André bellowed out a song
about his military service and the party
broke up. We went into the bedroom
and picked up our coats, while Joyce
stood there rubbing her arms and saying,
Bertie, did you know you had turned
out the fi

Friday, Friday,
to her, but she took no notice. Of
course! Her sister was here, staying on in
London. How long for? What would
that mean?

We all left the house. Bertie stood,

legs apart, on the step, triumphant. T
found myself having to get a taxi for the
socialist girl.
Where on earth are we?" she asked,
looking at the black winter trees and the
wet, sooty bushes of the gardens in the
street. "Have you known them a long
time? Do you live in London?

“No,” 1 said. "I'm on leave. I work

t was all that extraordi
about the baron?
laugh. “And the p:

I said it w all Greek to mc. I was
still Friday, Friday, Friday.
Joyce would come or she would not
come; more and more reluctant as the
day drew nearer, with a weight on her
ribs, listening for her tune. And if she
heard it, the bones in her legs, her arms,
her fingers, would wake up and she
would be out of breath at my door with-
out knowing it.

[y]

ry talk
She sent up a high

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DESIGNING TRIO

(continued from page 149)
change, afford to be expensive? Haven't
the couturiers in women's fashion in-
creasingly gone into less expensive
ready-to-wear garb for this very reason?
Haven't men traditionally been willing
to pay high prices for quality garments
because they've known that their pur-
chase would be serviceable for many
s without regard to the whims of
ashion changes? In short, who needs
designers in the menswear fiel

The answer, of course, is that we all
do—and for a very good reason. Design-
ers ensure that fashion will continue to
be evolutionary
100 revolution:
thinks that the designer "can provide the
confidence that the consumer needs and
wants in his approach to dre And
he's quick to point out that “a designer
can provide a total coordinated look for
a man more easily than if he has to select
I the various components himself."
Ralph Lauren sees the role of a de
signer somewhat differently. "I don't
design to package a Polo look for my
customers," he says. “The man who buys
my line is not looking to be roo fashion-
able, but he likes well-made, individual
clothes. He has his own sense of how to
dress. I offer today's man the elements to
usc with his own sense of sty

Alexander Julian, however, perhaps
sums things up best: “The well-dressed
American male is as well dressed
man in the world; the problem is that
there just aren't that many American
guys who really are well dressed. We are
y lacking in the training of our chil-
dren in the aesthetic appreciation of all
arcas of good design. Cultures such as
the French and the Italian have more
exposure to style and taste. This tends to
make them more self-confident in their
dress. It is an accepted way of life.”
Regardless of how Lauren, Kaiserman
d Julian perceive their function in
fashion, all e of their leadership
roles. Lauren, for example, started slight-
ly more than a decade ago with a line of
wide ties at a time when two and one
half inches was the limit. "Things
changed fast. (A word to the wise:
Lauren wore a relatively narrow tie for
this feature. Cravats are slimming down.)

It all boils down to this: What sepa-
rates the top menswear design
the run-of-the-mill manufactur
fact that while top designers are good
businessmen, their first love is still the
clothes themselves. They really dig
spreading the gospel of good fashion de-
sign. And if you are also willing to buy
what they create (yes, at necessarily high
prices), so much the better.

SSS

“George, the children are old enough to know there can't bea
masquerade party at the V.F.W. every Saturday night!!”

205

206

BREAKING THE ICE

George Dillman is a fifth-degree black-belt
karate master who's been featured in Ripley's
Believe it or Not! as the man who "simul-
tancously broke four blocks of ice weighing 1000
pounds with his elbow!" For $1000, plus travel
expenses, Dillman and a cast of ten will come to
your home and put on a fabulous show breaking
ice for martinis and other martial-arts stunts.
(Write to him at 126 North Fifth Strcet, Reading,
Pennsylvania 19601.) And if a guest gets too
rowdy, Dillman also makes a hell of a bouncer.

DOWN WITH DIRTY WORDS
“Dear Concerned Citizen! . .. Amelia and I
know you will find GENTEEL GRAFFIT! the refined
answer to the proliferation of disgraceful,
tasteless and unamusing decoration in the most
intimate rooms " writes a "Miss
Bessie Bonehil . Norfolk, Connecticut.
06856, who's offering an assortment of orna-
mental labels, such as the one pictured here, for
only two dollars, Stick them here, there,
anywhere someone's written something offen-

Not on this page, dummy!

This chaste label
kas been fashioned by
Miss Bessie Bonehill

to champion tke cause
of Genteel Graffiti.

PLAYBOY POTPOURRI

people, places, objects and events of interest or amusement

SAINTS PRESERVE US
You may have seen the Rev-
erend Kirby J. Hensley on
The Tomorrow Show, flacking
for his favorite reli the
Universal Life Church, of
which he is president. Uni-
versal Life specializes in
bestowing instant Ph.D.s on
whoever can come up with

the prescribed requirement—
$100—sent to old U.L.C. at
601 "Third Street, Modesto,
California 95351. Now the
Universal chaps have come up
with something less expensive:
For a five-spot, they'll make
you or someone of your choice
an instant saint—complete
with official certificate. Merely
send them the name, address
and a list of the canonee's
good deeds. Let's see, we
helped an old lady across the
street, said our prayers and
almost stayed celibate. Well,
two out of three’s not bad.

THROUGH DARKEST AFRICA WITH
CAVIAR AND CHAMPAGNE

On most East African camera safaris, the natives become restless

because there's no game and no tips; on Quest Concepts’ Ultimate

Safari, it's probably because you failed to finish your second help-

ing of Antelope au Poivre with a Périgourdine sauce. Quest (which

operates out of 62 West 45th Street, New York, New York 10036)

is offering well-heeled travelers a $7000, 18-day adventure with

trimmings: champagne, silver, crystal. gourmet meals—plus round-

trip New York-Paris flight via Concorde. All this and animals, too.

THE INNER DUFFER
Golfers are an emotional breed: They'll
invest $800 in a bag and clubs and then,
when they blow just one shot, there they
go—right into the lake. To help all
you duflers get a better grip on yourselves
(and your clubs), J. C. Whitted & As-
sociates, Suite 100, 1650 W. Alameda
Drive, Tempe, Arizona 85282, is marketing
four Subconscious Golf cassette tapes for
$42.95, postpaid. The tapes program you
to succeed instead of getting teed off
the next time you hit the links.

REAR MOUNTING

Biggame hunters put heads on the wall,
but if the quarry you're stalking is the
fair sex, you may wish to hang a lifecast
plaster backside or two up there next to
your etchings. Sijan Images, at 2601
South Delaware Avenue, Milwaukee, Wis-
consin 53207, creates rears in two models:
A jean-clad derrière with your choice of
patches, stars or a bandana and a pantied
posterior are $39 each, postpaid. Either

is a real kick in the ass.

SIGNAL ACHIEVEMENT
Those cast-iron traffic signals that
used to stand on every busy
corner in Chicago are being
phased out. But instead of letting
them die, a company called
Benchmark Advertising, P-O. Box
2051, Glen Ellyn, Illinois 60137,
has gone into the trafficlight biz,
cutting them down to about five
feet in size, rewiring them for
house current and then selling the
finished products for $239 each,
plus shipping. When yours arrives,
all you have to do is schlep it
to its final resting place—the rec
room, the balcony or even the
bedroom—and plug it in. No
excuses about blinking lights"
giving you a headache.

CHECKERED FLAG
Of course, you remember checkers, the game that's on the flipside of a
backgammon board. Well, Fidelity Electronics (5245 Diversey Avenue,
Chicago, Illinois 60639), the people who marketed the brain-busting
Chess Challenger we showed last year, have come up with Checker
Challenger, a computer game that features four levels of play from begin-
ner to expert. The price: $149.50, postpaid. It'll keep you jumping.

BALLS TO YOU
Remember Captain Queeg, the
neurotic skipper that Bogey pl
in The Caine Mutiny? And re-
member Quecg's placebo for calm-
ing his nerves when he discovered
the strawberries were missing
and the tow line was cut? Steel
balls. Three steel balls that he
rolled through his fingers while
he babbled about the crew's being
against him at every turn. You
can own a reproduction of those
same three balls—all housed in a
hardwood case—by sending
$11.75 to Lands’ End, P.O. Box
66244, AMF O'Hare, Chicago,
Illinois 60666. Just remember to
speak up over the clanking the
next time you're at the shrink.

207

- hasát beer. since.
pes reulin went

PLAYBOY INTERVIEW (continued from page 106)

the Communists and half of them moved
out because they didn't want to be
under the American bombs. So, in that
sense, many arcas were depopulated.
PLAYBOY: One of the most controversial
and widely reported battles of the Viet-
nam war was at a place called Khe Sanh
in 1968. Do you see an analogy between
Khe Sanh and Dien Bien Phu 14 years
carlicr?

COLBY: J see a big difference. I think we
won in Khe Sanh and the French lost
in Dien Bien Phu. It was a pretty big
difference. We never surrendered in
Khe Sanh.

[Finding Colbys characterization of
Khe Sanh at variance with other reports,
we approached this question again al a
subsequent session. 11 resulted in the fol-
lowing—the most heated discussion of
the interview and the only time Colby
became openly agitated and angry.]
PLAYBOY: You said we won at Khe Sanh.
Allow us to summarize what appcars to
us to have happened there. By Nov
ber 1967, the 26th Marines were a rein-
forced regiment. They were surrounded
and outnumbered something like eight
to one. They were barraged by the
enemy continually. The Russian and
Chinese howitzers and rockets and mor-
tars sat up on CoRoc Ridge and pasted
them day and night. Khe-Sanh was only
bout two square mile
etr and weather conditions made
support very difficult. Route 9 was con-
trolled by the North Vietnamese Army.

Then, suddenly, the 304th N.V.A. and
the 325C /.A. left the area. They
evaporated. And in onc month, Khe

anh went from being our symbol of
defense to an unoccupied piece of
ground. We rolled up the airstrip and
went ay and then Tet began. Khe
Sanh was at best a stalemate for a time,
and then it was nothing. And then
we lost the entire country. Now you say
we won at Khe Sanh?

COLBY: Oh, dear!

PLAYBOY: Americans who were in Khe
nh when we finally pulled out could
see the North Vietnamese walking in to
e the position.

coy: Wait a minute! The French
forces surrendered at Dien Bien Phu.
Formally surrendered to the enemy! The
forces never surrendered at

[At the next session, Colby launched
into this subject again before the ques-
tioning could begin.]
couv. Khe Sanh. I think there's one
other thing 1 would say about it. Our
discussion reflects the problem of under-
standing that war. Dien Bien Phu w:
the classic military-versusamilitary force,
which ended with the North Vietnamese
victory and the French surrender. Khe
Sanh was a military-versusmilitary force,
which ended in kind of a draw. I guess

I would have to correct my statement
that we won. I say we didn't lose, but
it was kind of a draw on the ground. So
1 would withdraw that we won. I think
you caught me well, and I'm sorry if I
was a little testy there. I got a little lost.
in the . . . excuse me, I had a chance
to think about i
PLAYBOY: "Thank vou, sir. May we return
10 the question of assassinations? Former
CIA officer Frank Snepp, in his book
Decent Interval, says the following about
Nguyen Van T Communist spy
Snepp was sent to interrogate in 1972,
just before the U.S. evacuated the area:
“A senior CIA official suggested to South
Vietnamese authorities that it would be
useful if he ‘disappeared.’ . . . Tai was
loaded onto an airplane and thrown out
at 10,000 feet over the South China
Sca."

COLBY: 1 never heard a word about that.
I frankly have trouble as to whether it

————
“As for President Kennedy's
having any intention to

ill Diem, absolutely not.

I know that he was
shocked and horrified
when it happened."

really happened. I think that the Sen-
ate and House intelligence committees

should investigate a charge that s Us.
PLAYBOY: You never heard of it?
COLBY: I haven't read the book, but I

heard about the oce
cial Forces in "69, ? There the
Special Forces apparently did take a
man out and throw him into the sca.
PLAYBOY: CIA was widely charged w
assassinations, but the Sei =
tees came to the conclusion that the
agency did not commit them. Yet assas-
sinations have been attempted and the
assassins were supported by CIA money;
they were given weapons by CIA. Then,
of course, the agency could say, “We
didn't kill."

couv. Well, I think there's
tion between your own idea of going out
and conducting an assassination, which.
you can find in the case of Castro, and
giving people the means to carry on
their fight. Obviously, when we give
military assistance or CIA weapons to
groups, we're giving the weapons so they
can use them. "Thats what weapons a
for. The Diem thing wa
tion and the evidence is ver

ion with the Spe-

a distinc-

decision on his own. 1 know some of the

Vietnamese generals were shocked by it,
too. Can you say that the United States
Government knew that a revolt was
going to take place? Can you say that
the United States Government was en
couraging that coup? Sure. Not CIA.
That decision to encourage the coup
was made in the White House, there is
no question about it. Should the United
States Government have estimated the
likelihood that Diem would be killed in
the course of the coup? I think the as-
sessment at the time was thar the coup
wasn't aimed at assassinating him. It
merely wanted to take power from hi
PLAYBOY: But that's always the case.
COLBY: Yeah, I know it. I know it. And
I say, therefore, the lack of facing that
question is a subject of fair criticism.
I's different from CIA's bei involved
in an assassination. Its a different thing.
Certainly, in a revolt, the fighting takes
place and people pet killed. I mcan,
there's no question about that.

PLAYBOY: Henry Cabot Lodge was Am-
bassador to South Vietnam at the time
you were chief of CIA’s Far East Di
sion. What did you think of him?
cosy: He's a brilliant fellow, a b nt
political analyst. He was very wise. His
political judgments—he was not a man-
ager, not an administrator by a long
shot, and I don’t think he ever pretend-
ed to be. And I disagreed with him rath-
er violently on the assessment of Diem.
I didn't think he had sufficient time to
appreciate the nature of the problem
and Diem's role in it.

PLAYBOY: Our understanding is that Am-
bassadors are a joke to CIA.

COLBY: What kind of joke?

PLAYBOY: A bad joke: They don't run
things.

coy: They do, they do. Lodge ap-
proved every step.

PLAYBOY: "There are two versions of that.
cosy: Lodge himself said many times
that CIA was meticulous in following
his instructions on the last days of the
Diem thing. Lodge knew that people
like me did not agree with the policy;
but, at the same time, I told the station
they were to do exactly what the Am-
bassador told them to do. That they
were working for him.

PLAYBOY. Then what you seem to be
saying is that Kennedy and Lodge are
ultimately responsible for the Diem
overthrow and execution.

CoiBv: Fundamentally, yes. The Presi-
dent's responsible, obviously. There was
no encouragement of the death of Diem.
If you wanted to make a reasonable
criticism, you could say if you go into a
situation like that, you have to antici-
pate that that might happen. As for
President Kennedy's having any inten-
tion to kill Diem, absolutely not. I know
that he was shocked and horrified when
it happened.

PLAYBOY: Because you're chai

cterizing

PLAYBOY

CIA so benevolently, doesn't it lead
again to the question of whether or not
a CIA director could ever tell the public
the exact truth?

COLBY: My own view is that you can't
lie. You don't have to tell the whole
truth, because that would reveal a se-
cret. But you can't tell a positive lie. I
keep silent sometimes about something
that would be a further step of informa-
tion; but what I say is true.

PLAYBOY: When you go before a court of
law, you agree to tell the uuth, the
whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Shouldn't the American public expect
the same from its Government agencies,
with the obvious exceptions that relate
to military security?

coy: Well, I think the American
people are conditioned well enough
through modern advertising, through
modern political rhetoric, through mod-
crn headlines, to be willing to look
through a certain overstatement and
understatement and work the truth out
ol it. I think they don't expect that the
words appearing in either the advertis-
ing or news or columns of our papers
be inscribed in stone.

PLAYBOY: But we're discussing our Gov-
ernment.

cousy: 1 don't think they expect either
more or les from their Government
than they do from the others, And 1
don't think they get either more or less.
T think they're about the same.

PLAYBOY: ‘That seems to be a pretty shod-
dy picture of our Government.

COLBY: That's life.

PLAYBOY: So as far as this interview is
concerned, shall we then advise the
PLAYBOY reader to beware of misleading
statements?

COLBY: 1 would say it's going to be very
obvious to the rrAvnov reader that I'm
putting a favorable picture of American
intelligence into your pages.

PLAYBOY: Then the reader is duly cau-
tioned. Let's move on to the subject of.
CIA weaponry. There was the Black
Pistol—the famous electric dart gun that
was shown to the Senate committee and
pictured on the front page of every
major paper in the country. It was called
a Nondiscernible Microbioinoculator—
meaning you could shoot a tiny poisoned
dart at someone without its being
detectable.

COLBY: Yeah.

PLAYBOY: And we had the toxins—shell-
fish toxin and cobra venom—to put into
the dart gun. Why did we make those
gadgets if we were not going to use
them?

COLBY: Well, we did use the toxin on one
occasion for Gary Powers’ flight. He had
a silver dollar with a litle pin in the
side of it, impregnated with the toxin,
and it would have killed him if he had
scratched himself with it.
PLAYBOY: hat doesn’t say anytl

210 about the Black Pistol.

COLBY: Well, I think there were some
uses of some kind of device like that
against dogs.
PLAYBOY: Dogs?
COLBY: Dogs. It was to knock them out
in order to get into a foreign installa-
tion abroad and plant a bug; to make
the watchdogs go to sleep for an hour
or so. They were shot with that device—
I don't think that particular device but
someti 1 "Ihe dogs went to
sleep. The people went in and did the
job, came out and the dogs woke up
later. And it was all done. Now, that
wasn't assassinating them, it wasn't kill-
ing them.

[The question was asked again at a
subsequent session.]
PLAYBOY: If CIA wasn't going to use
the n and the toxins associated
with it, why did it make them
COLBY: There's a thing called bureau-
cratic momentum. You set up a little
group that's responsible for developing
weapons, it'll develop lots of wea
You set up a little group that's respon-
sible lor collecting information about
foreign involvement in the anu
movement, it'll keep on collecting.

———
“There’sa thing called
bureaucratic momentum.
You set upa little group to
develop weapons, it'll
develop lots of weapons.”

[We decided to try the question one
more time al yet another interview ses-
sion]

PLAYBOY: Let us try to get this straight
once and for all. Tell us again why
CIA made those weapons if it says it
wasn't going to use them.

COLBY: Because there was a section of
CIA that was responsible for providing
technical support to clandestine opera-
tions. And weapons, obviously, were
potentially useful, an experiment with
a weapon using a device that would put
some poison in you but then melt, so
there would be no visible indication of
an actual wound. I think this was a dart
but one that would melt.

PLAYBOY: For the purpose of killing?
COLBY: Yes, sure. It's a weapon

PLAYBOY: So it was conceived with the
idea of assassinating someone?

CoLBY: To kill him, yes. Now, the thing
was used, as I said, against dogs with a
sleep inducer, not a killer. It's the same
kind of weapon.

PLAYBOY: That seems hard to believe.
COLBY: Well, it was used. And it put
the dogs to sleep, so that we could go
in and put the bug in. Withdraw and

the dogs wake up. You don't have the
dogs hooting at you.

PLAYBOY: All right. Whatever you say.
Let's try another subject. On the subject
of nuclear weapons —

COLBY: ‘They're not my favorite subject,
but go ahead. CIA has none, I know
that for sure, I know that.

PLAYBOY: What sort of concern is there
at the CIA that someone will just throw
one together?

COLBY: Great concern, great concern. I
don't think it’s a concern about three
fellows in a garage doing it. The real
problem is proliferation to smaller na-
tions.

PLAYBOY: Such as Libya?

COLBY: Such as India
PLAYBOY: That's not a smaller nation;
jt has already tested a nuclear bomb.
What about those we don’t know about?
COLBY: ] don't believe Libya is on the
list. The problem is if you give the
bomb to somebody who would be irre-
sponsible and use it, you have a serious
problem on your hands.

PLAYBOY: Such as whom?

wild, half-mad dictator
not going to name names.

PLAYBOY: You should name names. Why
should it be an intelligence secret? Why
shouldn't the people know which na-
tions are capable of unleashing nuclear
warfare?

COLBY: I think it would be a liule irre-
sponsible to say. If they haven't been
made public, then that's a conscious de-
cision not to make them public. And I
think I'm required not to make them
public.

PLAYBOY: Requirements aside, what do
you think about our right to know?
Coty: It’s a very delicate business. If
the Government knew of a certain
country that had a weapon and we were
working on that country to join in some
nonproliferation agreement or even to
get rid of the weapon, I can sec a circum-
stance where we should not publicize
the fact. You can hurt the negotiation
process by making it public. You can
ram the other fellow into a corner and
he lashes out at you, like a cat will in
a corner.

PLAYBOY: Do you think that in the next
10 or 15 years a nuclear weapon will be
exploded in an aggressive manner?

COLBY: I think it is quite possible. Quite
possible. A single shot, two shots, are
quite possible in the next ten years.
PLAYBOY: Where do you think it might
happen?

COLBY: Who knows?

PLAYBOY: We would assume you'd know:
CIA has scenarios, educated estimates of
where this might happen.

cousy: These are estimates. There's no
n knowledge there. I'm giving you
the outlines of how you would decide
which country would be involved. There
€ several countries that, if they were
overrun and faced complete destruction,

I'm

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211

PLAYBOY

would be quite prepared to possibly use
them. But without naming names, be-
cause I think the name itself might
create troubles.

PLAYBOY: What about other technologi:
cal weaponry that may be being devel-
oped in secrecy and to which CIA is
privy? Our sources at places such as
M.LT/s Lincoln Labs have hinted at
awesome new weapons systems. Isn't the
public kept in the dark about that sort
of work?

coisy: No, I don't think it is, really.
1 think our knowledge of what our
weapons systems are is pretty public.
PLAYBOY: Let's take a recent example. A
Russian satellite containing 100 pounds
of enriched uranium fell out of the sky
in Canada. To begin with, the public
hadn't even a clue that nations were
putting nuclear materials into space,
much less that they could fall back to
carth.

COLBY: I really couldn't say whether the
public knew about it or not.

PLAYBOY: You mean because something
like the Bulletin of the Atomic Scien-
lists may have carried an item?

COLBY: If the Bulletin of the Atomic
Scientists covered it, then the question
is whether or not the journalists took
the technical information and made it
into general knowledge.

PLAYBOY: No, the point is that the pub-
Hic had nothing to say about it.

coy: Congressmen ha
about it.

PLAYBOY: You're missing the point: Why
weren't we told when that thing went
up that it was out of stable orbit and
that it was going to come down?

CoLBY: That 1 don't know. 1 mean, there
youre talking about something in the

ve a lot to say

current Administration—I just don't
know.
PLAYBOY: Knowing what you know,

though, about the way things work, what
would the logic be?

coy: Well, I think they've said they
were afraid to frighten everybody.
PLAYBOY: Thats the point: Aren't we
being kept from truths we should know?
What are we, cattle?

coly: No, no, no. You're dealing with
a volatile subject. You're being careful
of it and you don't, sort of, Chicken-
Liule-the-sky-is-falling over every little
thing that might happen. Because soon-
er or later, the public will turn you off
and not listen to you at all. The old
crying-wolf story.
PLAYBOY: Well, first of all,
the Soviet satellite, the sky was falling
Secondly, we're not talking about cryin,
wolf, we're discussing 100 pounds of cn.
riched uranium, which could have come
down in Washington or Chicago or New
York. Only it happened to come down in
the wilderness near CEE ESS Canada.

n the case of

COLBY: I'm not going to defend the Ad-
ministration’s handling of it. I don't
know anything about it. I don't know
why they did what they did, I don't
know what their considerations were.
I'm just repeating what | read in the
open press. I have had no discussions
with anybody in authority on this sub-
ject.

PLAYBOY: Do we have nuclear materi
in space?

COLBY: I have no idea.

PLAYBOY: You were running things at
CIA. You should know. This has been
going on for years.
COLBY: No, I don't think it has. I think
that . . . the point is, I don't know of
any such thing. The director of Central
Intelligence worries about what's going
on in a foreign country, not what our
weapons systems arc. Thats not his
chore.

als

PLAYBOY: So he could be fairly ignorant

of our own capabili
COLBY: Of some new weapons systems.
l's not necessary that he know about
that.

PLAYBOY: What about our own capabil-
ity to use such things as lasers and so-
called death rays in space?

COLBY: [hat is a lot of science fiction at
this stage.

PLAYBOY: So, in other words,
have any such capability at the moment?
COLBY: You know, I really am not going

we do not

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PLAYBOY

214

Look at it this way:

He never made you pay the insurance hike
when you got your driver's license.
And you were going to give him
ordinary scotch for Father's Day?

Pinch 12 year old Scotch

'86 PROOF BLENDED SCOTCH WHISKY — RENFIELD IMPORTERS, LTD.. N.Y.

to talk one way or another about these
kinds of farforward weapons systems,
intelligence systems. It would be irre-
sponsible of me to do so. bectuse I don't
know what's there now and what I do
know may well be covered under my
greement with the agency.
Therefore, I really think I'd better
leave this topic

PLAYBOY: Under our treaties with the
Russians, we can still conduct biologi
cabwarfare research. If we were doing
that sort of work, we certainly would
not make it publie, would we?

corey: ] beg your pardon, we do make
most of it public. The public has a
right to know most of this. Actually, it
has the means to know most of it. Jf the
public says it doesn’t know anything, it
means that the press hasn't done the
job of translating for public interest the
facts. that are
known to the cognoscenti, the experts.
PLAYBOY: Isn't it a little illogical to
blame the press if the public is ignorant
of biological-warfare experiments?
COLBY: No, I'm not saying it in those
terms. Fm saying that there's a lot of
information available to experts. A great
deal of it. If it doesn't become an issue,
then the press normally doesn’t cover it
It looks for the issues. If there's no par-
ticular issue, then it gets circu
among the experts, but it doc

secrecy

tilable. the materials

ion

n't get
circulation as a broad public issue. In
that case, the public can say, "Oh, I
didn't know about thar.” This is a kind
of feckless discussion between you and
me. I mean, if you basically start from
the position that there's a great conspira-
cy running the world, then you can
bring in all the evidence that supports
it. My experience, howeyer, is that there
isn't a great conspiracy running the
world. We run over all those old hob-
goblin stories and we're really not get-
ting anywhere. On the question: Isn't
there something horrendous

Ping on
behind the scenes? the answer is basical-
ly no.

PLAYBOY: All right. Lers talk for a mo-
ment about computer technology as it
relates to privacy. A grand-jury witness
in lowa told one reporter of the exist-
ence of a device called the Silver Box or
REMOB, meaning remote observation,
that allows an intelligence agency to
listen in on any phone conversation by
means of computer codes input through
touch-tone phones. We've also heard of
another system that can activate the
microphones on all telephones. so that
conversations in rooms where phones are
located can be overheard even when the
phone is on the hook. Would you care
to comment on tl
coy: Most telephones have micro:
phones in them.

PLAYBOY: We know that, Mr. Colby.
COLBY: Well, I nev heard of such a
thing. Sure, technology can do anything,
1 guess, of that nature. But you can have

“Packshaw, I understand yow've been pollinating the maids again."

215

PLAYBOY

laws and rules and you can enforce
them. You cannot tap a phone without
a judge's warrant.

PLAYBOY: Are you saying that such capa-
bility docs not exist?

COLBY: I'm saying it could be, technical-
ly, but it isn’t. Because we have the
rules and requirements for a warrant.
PLAYBOY: So you're saying we can do it,
but we don't do it?

COLBY: That's the way you handle all
technology. A gun can shoot you. But
you don't let it be used for that.

PLAYBOY: If a satellite can photograph
something as small as the inscription on
a golf ball, couldn't it be targeted
against individuals, perhaps cven into
their homes?

COlBY: I will speak hypothetically on
this question. Hypothetically, yes, these
devices could be used for a bad purpose.
The way you control them is by rules.
PLAYBOY: How good is our ability to
know where enemy submarines are at
all times?

Coley: Pretty good. "hats all I'll say
about it. I'm not going to talk about
that.

PLAYBOY: Is that classi
COLBY: Yeah.
PLAYBOY: Do they

ied?

now that we know?
to talk about tha

are at all times, and we know
t they know, then why can't you talk
about it?

COLBY: Because I can't talk about . . .
how good we are. Maybe they don't
know how good we are. I'm not going
to risk the lives of a lot of our subma-
riners by blabbing something that could
put them in danger.
PLAYBOY: Some critics have said that
through the use of satellite information
and the ability thereby to predict crop
yields in Russia and other countries,
CIA can use and has used that informa-
tion in commodities investment and pe
haps in manipulating the market, either
by itself or through some of the large
grain compani allowing them access
to that information. Is there any truth

o. In terms of playing the fast
game to make quick bucks, you couldn't
do anything with the money, anyway.
The Government employees who run it
aren't going to get anything out of it.
And we don't give favored treatment to
individual companies. CIA has no swect-
heart arrangements with. individual com-
panies to give them a leg up.

PLAYBOY: Pcople who are asked to pro-
vide cover for CIA, using their com-
panies, have an incentive, don't they?
If a company, for example, is involved
in commodities, an employee in that
company will have specialized. knowl-
edge, privileged information that could
yield that company greater profits

Cou: 1 think if they made a killing,

216 we'd cut off the relationship. We're con-

scious of exactly that kind of problem.
Now, there is a certain benefit if he's an
xpert on the politics of a local coun-
try; the company’s going to benefit from
it. It's inevitable to some extent. I don't.
think it allows them to m
but it may help them do business gen-
erally in that area. And that's the re-
ward they get for ta

PLAYBOY: In spcaking of cover a
ments, another problem comes to mind.
And that is that if CIA wants to con-
duct domestic spying and wishes to deny
it, it can work out a temporary arrange-
ment with some other agency. In other
words, CIA can lend an agent to the
FBI and then say, "We don't do domes-
tic spying.”

COLBY: Not to the FBI; I don't thi
remember any case of that. We've
signed them to a lot of different places.
But if they go and work for that agency,
they don't work for CIA anymore.
PLAYBOY: These labels begin to lose their
meaning. A lot of people shuttle back
and forth among various intelligence
agencies.

cory: So do a lot of people go back
nd forth between IBM and Westing-
house, Chase Manhati nd Ford Mo-
tor Company and all the rest. But 1 don't
any great conspiracy in it.

PLAYBOY: Let's go on to something else.
Do you hav

COLBY: Sai.
PLAYBOY: Why s
COLBY: To be very, very honest with you,
he was a humble man. If you've ever
been to Assisi, I think you know what
I mean. That place is permeated with
his spirit. Saint Francis was a young,
fairly flamboyant, rich, spoiled E
He was wounded in one of the innumer-
able struggles then and he began to
think about what he really should do.
He went home and decided he wasn't
going to be a rich spoiled brat anymore.
He was going to live a simple lile, to
follow the law of love. And he did. He
formed a whole congrepation at a very
difficult time for the Church,

PLAYBOY: Do you mind talking about
religion?

COLBY: I'm a practicing Catholic. Cer-
tainly, I believe in God. I certainly be-
lieve that Jesus was God and that Jeus
came to this earth to launch a new mes-
sage, which I think is one of the most

inspiring messages in the world. It’s
called love. And it’s a pretty exciting
message.

PLAYBOY: Would nt Francis have

joined CIA?
COLBY: No. Saint Francis a pacifist,
I'm not a pacifist, but I can still say that.
L admire some people who tak
tion farther out than mine in certain
ideal directions.

PLAYBOY: What do you see as the greatest
threat to Amet today?

cosy: The over-all rel:

ionship with the

"Third World. Three quarters of the
world is in the Third World. The most
obvious threat is the fact that there are
60,000,000 Mexicans today and there
are going to be 120,000,002 of them b
the end of the century. A goodly portion
of those are hungry and live in a cer-
tain degree of misery. They are fairly
easy to equip with advanced technology.
They're becoming increasingly dis-
pleased at the gap between our affluence
and their poverty

There are 7,000,000 or 8,000,000 Mex-
icans who live in the United States today
and of the extra 60,000,000 who will be
round by the end of the century, there
is no way we can keep a good 20,000,000
of them from living in this counuy. We
can reinforce the Border Patrol and
they don't have enough bullets to stop
them all. Or we can get a positive rela-
tionship with those people and help
them develop their own country. We
have the most productive agricultural
establishment in the world and this year
we are doing what is to me the obscene
step of cutting back production when
millions of people haven't enough to cat.
PLAYBOY: In thinking back over the ses

ons w

fortab! you can't
talk about?
coy: I don't think so. We haven't

gotten into the area of so
know but we still want to keep secret.
‘There are some operations, systems, that
sort of thing. You haven't asked
those and don't want to ask, eithi
PLAYBOY: What do you mean?
copy: Things | don't want you to ask
and I'm not going to talk about. There
are some things that obviously I know
1 wouldn't get near. And I'm not going
to suggest what arcas they are, either.
PLAYBOY: Why did you agree to give
PLAYBOY this interview?

COLBY: Because I think it important that
our people as a whole have an accurate
view of what American intelligence is
today, what it was in the past and how
important it is to our future. I think it
has been grossly sensationalized, and
that a wrong impression of American
intelligence is dangerous to the country.
And heres a chance to get a word to
FLAYBOY readers, which I hope will be
persuasive, that CIA is dillerent from
what they’ familiar with from TV
and the more sensational press. I felt
that the Playboy Inte
Walter Cronkite, Adm

news I've read —
il Zumwalt and

others—were very straight. I'm not ask-

g for a sympathetic presentation, I'm
merely asking for an honest presenta-
tion of what I'm uying to say about
intelligence. I think rravsoy will give
to me. If it doesn’t, T'I object after 1
see it. [Laughs] A fair picture, that's all
k—with the warts. 1 don't mind the
warts’ showing. They're real.

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PLAYBOY

218

GALAHAD cucina

“Moran was pulling the woman close, kissing her on
the neck, his round face hidden by her black wig.”

Galahad sighed. "We gon’ have ‘nough
feathers to make us one fine-ass mattress.”

But Moran was no turkey. He ran 85
balls three shots off the break, while a
full gallery looked on, applauding. Sweet
Titty was not an ugly man, but the pale
light from the chandelier brought out
every line in his jowly face, highlighting,
in particular, two large hairy moles on
his right cheek. He had only a thin wisp
of gray hair across his head and two
clumpy patches over his ears, so his nude,
white pate actually gleamed when he
Ieaned over the table. Heavy dark bags
beneath his haltopened eyes and an
unconscious habit of letting his lower
jaw drop as he concentrated made him
look sleepy, almost stupid. He was-like
somebody under the influence of deep
hypnosis, barcly lifting his feet as he
waddled awkwardly around the table.
Watching, Stephen felt sick, convinced
his money was gone, unseuled. not only
by Moran's mathematical precision but
by the obviously bad effect the black
prostitutes had on Galahad. Every few
minutes, Galahad would turn and glare
at them, seated directly behind in low-
cut dresses, false cyclashes and wigs.
They stared back with dead, uninter-
ested eyes, as if he were some helpless

“My broker is E. S. Shmedwick
E. S. Shmedwick says

animal offered as sacrifice, There was no
sign of allegiance there, no clever indica-
tion that they really wanted him to win.
They were employees of Sweet Titty
Moran and their loyalty was steadfast.

"Go on, Titty baby," they called out,
"beautiful eye, beautiful eye.”

Moran glanced at Galahad almost pity-
ingly, as if to cmphasize the hopelessness
of his situation; but on the 86th ball, he
missed, The prostitutes and the gallery
moaned in unison and Galahad spun
around furiously in his chair

“Black bitches! Hoes! Down here with
this fat little hunky and he cain't shoot
wut a shit! Keep yo’ damn mouths shet!
You a disgrace to yo" race!”

Big Mike grabbed him by the shoul-
ders and turned him back, his grizzled
black chin stuck up right in Galahad's
face. "Now, lissen to me, boy. You been
runnin’ yo’ mouth fo’ as long as I known
you ‘bout how good you is on the pool
table. Well, now they two thousand dol
lahs in this game. Mo" than you scen in
yo’ nach'l life, an’ if you blow it ‘cause
some black hoes don't root fo' yo" ass
like yo’ momma would, you ain't got no
business down here.”

Galahad shrugged him off and walked
to the table, He glanced back to sce

And

ted between the black women,
their dark smooth arms on his shoulders,
dusting his suit with long, polished nails.
Galahad was visibly rattled, but Moran
had left seven balls in decent positions,
so he still finished the rack in five min-
utes. His grace and ease were starting to
return, but suddenly he heard one of the
prostitutes kiss Moran loudly on the
cheek and he looked up, glaring. Moran
was pulling the woman close, kissing her
on the neck, his round face partially
hidden by her long black wig. Big Mike
panicked.

"I tol’ the ni
the game!”

Stephen merely groaned.
Bitch! Stop kissin’ on that white man
"s if you likes it! You "bout to make me
sick to my stomach

The woman ignored him. Mumbling.
Galahad turned back to the table. He
leaned over the shot, clenching his teeth,
his veins standing out on his temples.
He jammed the cue so hard the shot
went an inch wide of the pocket, bounc
ing off the cushion and slowly rolling
away.

Moran se

ger to keep his mine on

t!" Big Mike cried, and Stephen
moaned, putting his head in his hands.
Moran shuffled out to the table, sup
ported by the mechanical shouts of his
cheerleaders.

“Go on, do yo" thin
it to it, baby!”

“You got it all, honey. St
ne groove, baby.

Sweet Titty expanded his lead. Ste
phen sighed, Galahad mumbled and Big
Mike settled his tension with sandwiches
and heer, nudging the two others. “Come
on, y'all. Less not get so hung up on the
drama we cain't cat this white man's
free grit.” He jammed an elbow into
Galahad's side. “’Specially you, since you
gonna need yo’ strength to run this little
humpty dumpty out the joint soon as
he miss the next shot.”

“Stop pokin' me, n
this man's nasty food. Prob'ly give me
indigestion, ruin my game.

A groan went up in the gallery. Moran
had missed a cross-corner bank that once
again left Galahad in good position. The
score stood at 163 to 42. By now, Galahad
was one mass of tension. He felt more
fatigued than he ever did at the Pink
Lady. His shoulders and thighs were tight
and his neck was stiff, His cue stick felt
thick and off balance. He heard Moran
laugh, a deep throaty laugh, and he
looked up, even though he hated to. One
of the prostitutes had her hand placed
obscenely in Moran's lap and she was

car.

Sweet Tiuy. Do

gger. I don’ need

whispering in his
“Hoe!” shouted Galahad, startling the
entire gallery and drawing a reproving
stare from Big Mike. The woman stood
defiantly.
"So is yo' sistuh, nigger, «o don't get

The mystique of
Monte Alban Mezcal.

For years, there’s been a rumor is for this reason that genuine Mezcal, time, you can buy
going around that in Mexico you can made from the agave cactus in Mexico's leading
buy a certain kind of liquor that comes Oaxaca province, is bottled with brand of Mezcal—
with a worm in every bottle. a genuine agave worm. Monte Alban

"That rumor is not only true, it's ‘As with other traditions Mezcal con Gusano
delicious. The liquor is called Monte Alban that are hundreds of years old, a certain —in the United
Mezcal con Gusano. And the story behind mystique has been built up around the ritual States. Each bottle

itis fascinating. of consuming Mezcal and its agave worm. is genuine Mezcal
In the middle of the sixteenth century, Most knowledgeable people drink it like from the region of Oaxaca. For proof, just

the Spanish conguistadores had done what ^ tequila; that is, with a lick of salt anda bite — look inside the bottle.

they had come to Mexico to do: conquer of lime. For true tradition, use the mixture Monte Alban Mezcal opens up whole

the New World. And because the Spaniards of seasalt and spices in the bag attached to new worlds to conquer. Bring it along to

were running out of their traditional rum, the bottle. The worm is said by some to be — your next party. Enlighten people on its

they celebrated with the distilled juice of the key to wondrous experiences. Others heritage. Demonstrate how to drink it.

the agave cactus. This they called Mezcal. — claim it sets free a spirit of celebration. Make mixed drinks with it, too. And when
Todays Mezcal Whatever the you and your friends get down to the
is an intriguing truth, we know bottom of the bottle, find out who's

liquor, being that agave really adventurous. Or munch the
both potent and ^ worms are a worm yourself, it's really
smooth. Not to ^ very popular delicious. Try Monte Alban
mention mellow delicacy in Mezcal con Gusano.

and downright Mexico. = Who knows what

delicious. Andwhy < į might happen?

Nowcomes should the j
the best part.Inside Mexicans have
every agave cactus live tasty little agave Mezcal all to

worms. Agave worms are so particular, themselves?
they're only found in that one species. It Now, for
the first

“If you can't find Monte
Altan at your favorite liquor store please
drop a card to Bill Rogers, PO. Box 1240.
Chicago. IL 60601, He'll be glad to help.

——— H
Monte Alban. Authentic Mexican Mezcal. The proof is in every bottle.

©1978. Monte Alban Mezcal. 80 Proof. Imported exclusively by Stuart Rhodes, Ltd.. New York, New York.
Available in the United States in 750 ml.(25.4 oz.) bottles.

219

PLAYBOY

hteous with me! You jus mine yo"
own goddamn business while I minds
mine, an’ stop tryin’ to blame me fo" the
fact that you is gettin’ yo’ ass kicked!
She stuck out her chin and put her hands
on her hips w

Moran, embarrassed
by her outburst, pulled at the hem of
her skirt, making little shushing noises.
Stunned, Galahad flushed with shame,
shame that was reinforced by the club's
poshness and all-white clientele. Sud-
denly, he felt out of place, foolish to
have thought he could play professional
pool with white people. He was about
to put down his cue stick and forfeit the
game when Big Mike and Stephen hud-
dled around him encouragingly.

“Don't let it bother you, Gal
Stephen supported. “Don't worry about
the money. Don’t worry about anything.
1 have faith. Go on, shoot your game.
er,” Big Mike whispered. ^I
know you gonna think this sound soft
comin’ from a hard-assed nigger like me,
but ahmo tell you sometin' ah ain't tol’
you befo'. You is without a doubt the
bes’ pool player ah seen in my life, an’ I
seen ‘em all. I seen Fast Eddie, Fats,
Mosconi, Murphy, Lassiter, all of ‘em.
Ferms o' raw talent, you got 'em all beat
Only thing you lack is experience playin’
under pressure. You understan’?”

“Is vou jus’ tellin’ me that, o° is you
fo’ real?”

“Ahm fo’ real, but ah ain't gonna say "Oh, yeal
it again till you run 'bout a

some guy shouted back
hundred and — "If they got dudes at this Pink Lady that

fifty balls.” Galahad nodded and waved good, where do you rank Mora
them away, but once seated back in the — “ "Bout. sixth, givin’ Sweet Titty the
gallery, Big Mike feared his pep talk benefit a the doubt.”

wasn’t enough. "Stevie, this boy necd to The gallery chuckled, and Galahad
feel like he at home in the Pink Lady ‘fo’ was starting to look like his old self,
he can shoot like he s'pose to. All this swaggering around the table, ducking
carpet an’ shit done took his confidenc and kneeling as he lined up shots. Big

"Yeah, it's like shooting pool in a — Mike and Stephen got into a rhythm,
museum or something." yelling like madmen, and soon the score

"'Zackly. What he need to hear is was 163 to 87. Moran was calm. He
some loud niggerish yellin’ an’ motha- — slouched in his seat
fuckahs cussin' cach other out. But since while his ladyfriends sipped martinis.
we cain't do that, the leas’ we can do is He appeared extremely bored. Galahad
give him some loud mouth. Jus’ lissen an’ soon had everybody laughing, clapping
do like me." He cleared his throat, spat at his antics, and even Moran's black
on the rug and looked out toward Gala- — ladyfriends giggled despite themselves as
had. "Right on, right on! Mothafuckin' he twirled his cue stick, slid it out along
shootin’, baby! 'S some bad english you his arm and drew it back dramatically,
got on that ball, my man!" talking up his game as he went along.

“My man, my main man," Stephen “Six in the side and watch it ride! Ten
echoed, “SOOOpastah! If you wa in the co’nah an’ Sweet Titty's a gonnah!
so young, I'd think vou was Ci Easy on the seven, kick in the ‘leven!
Murphy——" straight back, ballin’ the jack!"

“He badder than Cisero,” Big Mike Sweet Titty never underrated anyone
cut in, “much badder than Cisero. Ah with guts enough to play him for $1000,
seen Cisero, but this little nigger heah but it hadn't occurred to him that he
gotta eye on him Cisero jus’ nevuh had. might lose, so he had indulged himself
Who wanna bet fifty cent against this freely, consuming five beers and two
kid? Who wanna bet? Shecit, Sweet Titty sandwiches, and had fallen asleep. He
cain't shoot no pool, Ah know a whole dozed like a baby, his fat, jaded face
lotta dudes in the Pink Lady could take — settled in peaceful repose, his head rest-
his ass to the cleanuh’s right now.” ing heavily on the ample bosom of one

and swigged a beer

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PLAYBOY

222

INTERVIEW WITH
MICK JAGGER

The original punk gets stoned on sake and lets his pants down,
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THE GREAT KOSHER HOPE

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of the prostitutes. He didn't know what
happened when his fleshy pillow slipped
suddenly and the woman jumped up.
“Ooooo, Sweet Titty! He made such a
pretty shot! You shouda seen it! Didn't
he, Thelma?"

Thelma, though equally enraptured,
gave the other girl a sharp glance and
pulled her back down. But lahad had
heard, and he began playing just for
them, twirling his cue stick like a baton,
calling for a new rack by means of spon
tancous verse

"Set 'em up. rack bo kil
shoots from the hip an’ my shot is clean.
My eyes is sharp an’ my stroke is mean.
I'm the baddest cat thi:

The score kept narrowing—187 to
163—and Stephen and Big Mike were
almost hoarse from yelling so much.
Moran sat stone-faced, quieting the pros-
titutes with prolonged stares, then glar-
ing at Galahad, who kept prancing
around, spouting verse, snapping his
yellow suspenders. Nothing could stop
him then, and within minutes there
were only three balls left on the table
and Galahad needed to sink just one
to wi

Unfortunately, by some minuscule
elbow, some fractional twitch
in his bridge finger, he had managed to
leave what appeared to be an impossible
shot. Three balls, the forest-green 6, the
royal-blue 2 and the perfectly black 8,
nestled tenta against one another
in a fragile triangle near the far right
corner from the cue ball. His thinnest
hope was to slice the triangle on either
side, hoping to gently propel either the
6 or the 2 off a rail for a two-rail bank.
The 8 was on the right side of the tri-
angle, nearest the pocket, but there
appeared to be no way to move it with-
out scratching. The angle wasn’t right.

The entire gallery was as still and
hushed as stones, waiting for him to call
his shot. He took his time, kneeling and
padding around the table on cat feet,
studying those three balls from every
possible angle.

Finally, he stood up, perplexed, and
rubbed his chin. His eyes strayed for a
moment to the gallery, and one of the
prostitutes winked at him. Just a quick
wink from an otherwise deadpan face,
but hc caught it. And he smiled.

He looked at the table one more time
and said, "Eight," with a big grin and
a flourish of chalk on his cue tip. The
whole hall filled with a simultaneous
gasp and Moran, still frowning, sat as
tall as he could and peered closely at the
table. For a moment, his eyes and Gala-
had's locked,

"It won't work," Moran observed dry-
ly, almost as a physicist might comment
on a colleague's new theory.

“Sheeit,” Galahad eloquently intoned,
and, laying his cue stick gently on the

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rail, he lined up the shot with one hand.
Before there was time to think about
w ng, he stroked. The
white cue ball caromed off both side
rails, hit the 2 on the back side, which
spun the 6 out of the way, then came
back off the rail to nudge the black 8.
The 8 crept toward the pocket as though
carried on the backs of an army of ants.
When it arrived at the lip, it paused
and actually rocked. Then it tectered and
fell. The applause was deafening, and
Galahad looked up to see the black
women winking and chuckling, one
looking down and away, the other con-
cealing her mouth behind a makeup
mirror. Moran looked like a dead man
propped up im a chair, but as the ap-
plause slackened, he raised himself som-
herly and shuffled up to Galahad to
shake his hand. They agreed on a re
match the following night and Galahad,
beginning to jump like he had bugs in
his pants, accepted $2000 from the rack
hoy with childish excitement.

“Looka here, Big Mike! We done won
us some dough! Hot damn! We done
beat The Tii!"

"Put it in yo" shoe, like Stevie here do
his, lesen you lose it befo' you gets
home. An’ stop lookin’ at it like you

he was doi

«usa

ain't never seen no money befo’. Ack
like a pro."

IT acts the way I feels, an’ right now
I feels like celebratin’.” Proudly, he
handed ten $100 bills to Stephen, who
counted it carefully and just as proudly
handed five back, saying he had already
profited from the show itself. Galahad
shook his head incredulously. “Nigger,
is you crazy? Boy, let a nigger get some
education and he lose all his common
sense. If it wasn’t fo" you, I wouldn'ta
been here in the first place.

“Give it here," Big Mike put in. “If
Stevie don't take it, I will. I think almo
get me a game goin'!”

/ou shouldn't get ne, jive ol
mothafuckah. You didn't have no faith.
in me. But here's what ah do. Ahmo
insist Stevie take two hundred, an’ maybe
ah'll give you one hundred, ‘cause that's
"bout all you deserve. Now, as fo" the
two hundred that’s left, well, alll be
back in a minute

Galahad strolled toward the bar, where
Moran and his seconds were having sev-
eral much-needed drinks, He didn't see
the prostitutes, but a handbag and gloves
rested by Moran, so he figured the girls
were probably in the ladies room. A
ing arca separated the men's room

"I'll tell you where your inflatable lady is after

ou give me back my rubber duckie!”

from the women's, and that's where he

headed. He was back in less than a

minute.

“Less go, we gotta wait downstairs.”

Fo’ what?” rasped Big Mike.

“Fo’ the sistuhs, they comin’ with us.”

*NigBer, you ain't gonna spend two
hundred dollahs on them hocs, is y
Look heah, if ah wants to buy
tons of dogshit, it's my mothafuckin"
dough. Com-pren-day?"

Boy, I jus’ cain't see you puttin’ that

kinda bread out fo" no hoes. What ‘bout

yo" plan to get that house fo’ yo" momma
and get yo’ sistuh off the strip? You
givin’ all that up fo' some pussy? Nigguh,
has you loss yo’ mine

Big Mike snorted furiously and
walked ahead, and Stephen didn't know
what to expect when they all reached the
street, but, to his relief. Big Mike mut-
tered a gruff goodbye and kept going.
You ain't my daddy,” Galahad called
after him, “so don't tell me what to do
with my money!

Big Mike wheeled around and jabbed.
a grizzled finger in Galahad's direction.
“And you cain't shoot pool wuth a damn,
cocky mothafuckah!”

And then Big Mike disappeared be-
tween the open doors of a bus and the
tension eased, gave way to the pain of
both men and lingered in the air like
dust. Galahad didn't say anything, but
soon the women came, voices chattering
and stockings whispering. lips glossed
and earrings sparkling. They embraced
their hero as freely as they had Moran
and the one named Thelma nodded to
Stephen.

Is he in on it, too;
“No, an’ ah ain't, eitha.’
“What you mean, you ain't eitha?

What's the two bills fo’, then?"

not workin’ no mo" tonight. Fo"

goin’ home to wherever you lives

an’ takin’ a hot bath and maybe gettin’
into a book, maybe some TV. It's
fo’ gettin’ off the streets fo’ twenty-fo"
hours.” The girls were too surprised to
reply and Galahad turned to Stephen
and held out his hand. “Ahmo let you
go, mah man. Thanks fo" the spote.

Come on down tomorrow cvenin*

wants to sce me kick Sweet Ti

again. If not. see you aroun’.

Stephen squeezed Galahad's hand
gratefully, then turned and walked in
Big Mik footsteps toward the bus

stop. When he was about halfway there,
he heard Galahad hail a cab, and he
looked back to see the dapper pool
shark hold open the door for the prosti-
tutes, doff his h; then climb in after
them, Tires squealing, the cab made a
U turn and headed for the nightlife
district, its radio blaring soul horns and
funky bass through the open windows.

He challenges the last
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z ASTRAL PROJECTION (continued from page 86)

PLAYE

226

“Those skeptical of many borderline belief systems
are not necessarily those afraid of novelty."

no instances out of the 1,000,000 UFO
reports filed since 1947—not a single
one—in which many people independently
and reliably report a close encounter
with what is clearly an alien spacecraft.
Not only is there an
anecdotal evidence; there is no physical
evidence either, Our laboratories are
very sophisticated. A product of alien
manufacture might readily be identified
as such. Yet no one has cver turned up
even a small fragment of an alien space.
craft that has passed any such physical
test—much less the logbook of the star
ship captain. It is for these reasons that
NASA recently dedined an invitation
from the Executive Office of the President
10 undertake a serious investigation of
UFO reports. When hoaxes and mere
anecdotes arc excluded, there seems noth-

absence of good

ing left to study.

The interest in UFOs
astronauts seems at least partly due to
unfulfilled religious needs. The extra-
terrestrials are often described as wise,
powerful, benign, human in appearance

and ancient

and sometimes attired in long white
robes. They are yery much like gods and
angels, coming from other planets rather
than from heaven, using spaceships rath-
er than wings. There is a little pseudo-
scientific the theological
antecedents are dear: In many cases, the
supposed ancient astronauts and UFO
occupants are deities, feebly disguised
and modernized but easily recognizable
Indeed, a recent British survey suggests
that more people believe in extraterres-
trial visitations than in God.
Classical Greece replete

overlay, but

with

was

stories in which the gods came down to
earth and conversed with human beings.
The Middle Ages were equ
apr

lly rich in
ritions of saints and virgins. Gods,
Ms and virgins were all recorded
repeatedly over centuries by people of
the highest reliability. What has hap.
pened? Where have all the virgins gone?

What has happened to the Olympian
gods? Have those beings simply aban-
doned us in recent and more skeptical
times? Or could those carly reports be

due to superstition and credulity and the
unreliability of witnesses? And this sug-
gests a possible social danger from the
proliferation of UFO cultism: If we
believe that benign extraterrestrials will
solve our problems, we may be tempted
to exert less than our full measure of
effort 10 solve them ourselves—as has
occurred in millennialist religious move
ments many times in human history
Those skeptical of many borderline
belief systems are not necessarily those
afraid of novelty. For example, many of
my colleagues and I are deeply interested
in the possibility of life, intelligent or
otherwise, on other planets. But we must
be careful not to foist our wishes and
fears upon the cosmos. Instead, in the
best scientific tradition, our objective is
to find out what the answers really are,
independent of our emotional predis-
positions. If we that is a
truth worth knowing also. No one would
be more delighted than I if intelligent
extraterrestrials were visiting our planet
It would make my job enormously easier
Indeed, I have spent more time than I
care to think about on the UFO and
incientastronaut questions. And public
terest in these matters is, I believe, at
last in part, a good thing. But our
openness to the dazzling possibilities pre-
sented by modern science must be tem
pered by some hard-nosed skepticism
Many interesting possibilities simply

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turn out to be wrong. An openness to
new possibilities and a willingness to ask
hard questions are both required to ad
vance our knowledge. And the asking of
tough questions has an ancillary benefit:
Political lile in America in the past
decade and a half has been marked by
an excessive public credulity, an un-
willingness to ask difficult questio
ich has produced a demonstrable im-
Ith. Both in
science and in politics, there is an impor
tant benefit in sharpening our abilities to
perform skeptical sc

Professional scientists generally have
to make a choice in their rescarch goals.
‘There are some objectiv at would be
very important if achieved, but the
likelihood of success seems so small that
no one is willing to pursue them. For
many years, this was the case in the
search for extraterrestrial intelligence.
The ion has now changed, mainly
because nces in radio technology
now permit us to construct enormous
radio telescopes and sensitive receivers to
pick up any messages that might be sent
our way. Never before in human history
was this possible. The opposite shoal is
to investigate problems that are perfectly
tractable but of entirely trivial signifi-
cance, Most scientists choose a middle
course. few of them
actually plunge into the murky waters of
testing or challenging borderline or
pseudoscientific beliefs. The chance of

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except about human natu
small, and the amount of time that is
required seems large. I believe that scien-
tists should spend more time in discuss
ing these issues; but the fact that a
given contention does not have vigorous
scientific opposition does not imply that
s think it is reasonable.

There are many cases where the belief
s so absurd that scientists dismiss
it instantly but never commit their
arguments to print. I believe this is a
mistake. Science, especially today, de-
pends upon public support. We live i
society that is powerfully influenced by
science and technology but in which

——seems

people have, unfortunately, a very
inadequate. knowledge of science
technology. This makes

decision-making on scientific i
cult, Some of the pseudo science
able enterprise and there are pro-
ts who not only are strongly iden-
h the issue in question but who
also make large amounts of money from
it. They are willing to commit m.
sources to defending their contentions.
Some scientists seem unwilling to engage
in public confrontations on borderline
Science issues because of the effort re.
quired and because of the possibility that
they will be perceived to lose a public
debate, But it is an excellent opportunity

tified

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to show how science works at its murkier
borders, and also a way to convey some-
thing of the power as well as the pleas-
ures of science.

There is a problem not only with
excessive public gullibility but also with
excessive scientific aloofness. A distin-
guished scientist once threatened to si
then-Vice-President Agnew on me if I
persisted in organizing a meeting of the
American Association for the Advance-
ment of Science in which both proponents
and opponents of the extraterrestrial-
pacecraft hypothesis of UFO origins
would be permitted to speak. Scientists
offended by the conclusions of Immanuel
Velikovsky's Worlds in Collision and
irritated by Velikowsky's total ignorance
of many well-established scientific facts
successfully and shamefully pressured
Velikovsky's publisher to abandon the
book—which was then put out by an.
other firm, much to its profit. I organized
another A.A.A.S. symposium to discuss
Velikovsky's ideas and was criticized by
a different leading scientist, who argued
that any public attention, no matter
how negative, could only help those
contentions of cometary and planet
collisions in the recent past. Samuel
Goldwyn allegedly said, “Publicity
good and good publicity is even better
But the symposia were held, the audi-
ences seemed to find them interesting,
the proceedings were published, and
now youngsters in Duluth or Fresno can
find in their libraries some books pré-
senting the other side of the issues. If
science is presented poorly in schools
and newspapers and on television, per
haps some interest in science can be
excited by well-prepared, comprehensible
public discussions at the edge of science.
Astrology can be used for discussions of
astronomy; alchemy for chemistry: Veli-
kovskyan catastrophism and lost conti-
nents such as Atlantis for geology;
spiritualism and Scientology for psy-
chology and psychiatry.

There are still in the United States
many people who believe that if a thing
appears in print, it must be true. Since
undemonstrated speculation
and rampant nonsense appears in books,
i| a curiously distorted view of what is true
i| emerges. I was amused recently, in the
furor that followed the early release of
the contents of H. R. Haldeman's book,
to read that the editor in chief of one of
the largest publishing companies in the

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231

PLAYBOY

232

the other side of the story are now be-
coming available, and in the accompany-
ing box, I have listed a few of the more
prominent pseudoscientific doctrines and
recent attempts at their scientific refuta-
tion. One of the contentions criticized
there—that plants have emotional lives
and musical preferences—had a brief flur-
ry of interest a few years ago, induding
weeks of conversations with house plants
in Gary Trudeau's Doonesbury comic
strip. As the epigraph to this article
shows, it is an old contention, Perhaps
the only encouraging point is that it is
greeted more skeptically today than in
1926.

Two years ago, a committee of scien-
tists, magicians and others was organized
to provide some focus for skepticism on
the border of science, This nonprofit
org: tion is called The Committee for
the Scientific Investigation of Claims of
the Paranormal and is at 923 Kensington
Buffalo, New York 14215. It is
ful work, in-
cluding in its publications the latest
news on the confrontation between the

rational and the irrational—a debate that
goes back to the encounters between
Alexander the Oracle-Monger and the
Epicureans, who were the rationalists of
is day. The committee has also made
oth protests to the networks and the
Federal Communications Commission
about television programs on pseudo
science that are particularly uncritical.
An interesting debate has gone on within
the committee between those who think
that all doctrines that smell of pseudo
science should be combated and those
who believe that each issue should be
judged on its own merits but that the
burden of proof should fall squarely on
those who make the proposals. I find
myself very much in the latter camp. I
believe that the extraordinary should
ly be pursued; but extraordinary
claims require extraordinary evidence.
However, the best antidote for pseudo
science, I firmly believe, is science:
is an African fresh-water fish
blind. It generates a standing
electric ficld, through perturbations in
which it distinguishes between predators

Some Recent Borderline Doctrines and Their Critiques

While many recent borderline doctrines are widely promoted, skeptical discussion
and dissection of their fatal flaws are not so widely known. Here is a guide to some of

those critiques.
Bermuda Triangle

The Bermuda Triangle Mystery —Solved

Lawrence Kusche, Harper & Row, 1975

Spiritualism

A Magician Among the Spirits

Harry Houdini, Harper, 1924; Arno Press, 1972

The Psychic Mafia
M. Lamar Keene, St. Martin's Press, 1976; Dell, 1977

UriGeller

The Magic of Uri Geller

James Randi, Ballantine, 1975

Atlantis and Other
“Lost Continents’

Legends of the Earth: Their Geological Origins
Dorothy Vitaliano, Indiana University Press, 1973

Lost Continents
L Sprague de Camp. Ballantine, 1968, 1975

UFOs

UFO's—Explained.

Philip J. Klass, Random House, 1974
UFOs: A Scientific Debate ——

Cari Sagan and Thornton Page, Eds., W. W.
Norton, 1974

Ancient Astronauts

The Space-Gods Revealed: A Close Look at the

Theories of Erich von Daniken

Ronald Story, Harper, 1976

The Ancient Engineers.

L Sprague de Camp, Ballantine, 1974

Velikovsky: Worlds in
Collision

The Emotional Lives of
Plants

Scientists Confront Velikovsky.
Donald Goldsmith, Ed., Cornell University Press, 1977

“Plant ‘Primary Perception’ “
K. A Horowitz and others, Science, August 8, 1975

Noonday Press, New York, 1970

Harcourt Brace. New York, 1934

Clarendon Press, Oxtord, 1905

GENERAL REFERENCES
Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds, by Charles MacKay,

Fads and Fallacies in the Name of Science, by Martin Gardner, Dover, New York, 1957
ESP, Seers & Psychics. by Milbourne Christopher. Crowell. New York. 1970
An Introduction to Logic and Scientific Method, by Morris R, Cohen and Ernest Nagel.

The Natural History of Nonsense, by Bergen Evans, Allred A. Knopf, New York, 1946
"Alexander the Oracle-Monger,” in The Works of Lucian of Samosata, Volume I,

and prey and communicates in a fairly
elaborate electrical language with poten-
tial mates and other fish of the same
species. This involves an entire organ
system and sensory capability unknown.
to pretechnological human beings.

+ There is a kind of arithmetic, per-
fectly reasonable and self-contained, in
which two times one does not equal one
times two.

+ Pigeons—one of the least prepossess-
ing animals on earth—are now found to
haye a remarkable sensitivity to mag-
netic-field strengths as small as one hum-
dred thousandth that of the carth’s
gnetic dipole. Pigeons evidently use
apability for navigation and
sense their surroundings by their mag-
netic signatures: metal gutters, electrical
power lines, fire escapes and the like—a
y lity glimpsed by no human
being who ever lived.

+ Quasars seem to be explosions of
almost unimaginable violence in the
hearts of galaxies that destroy millions of
worlds, many of them perhaps inhabited.

+ In an East African volcanic-ash flow
3,500,000 years old, there are foot-
prints—of a being about four feet high
with a purposeful stride that may be the
common ancestor of apes and men. Near-
by are the prints of a knuckle-walking
primate corresponding to no animal
yet discovered.

* Each of our cells contains dozens of
ies called mitochondria that
food with molecular oxygen
in order to extract energy in convenient
form. Recent evidence suggests that bil-
lions of years ago, the mitochondria were
free living organisms that have slowly
evolved into a mutually dependent rela-
tion with the cell. When manycelled
organisms arose, the arrangement was re-
tained. In a vi sense, then, we are
not a s y of
about ten trillion beings and not all of
the same kind.

+ Mars has a volcano almost 80,000.
feet high that was constructed about a
Lillion years a n even larger volcano.
may exist on Venu:

* Radio telescopes have detected the
cosmic black-body background radiation,
the distant echo of the event called the
Big Bang. The fires of creation are being
observed today

I could co ue such a list almost
definitely. I believe that this smattering
of findings in modern science and mathe-
matics is far more compelling and ex-

citing than most of the doctrines of
pseudo science. Science is more intricate
and subtle, reveals a much richer uni-

verse and powerfully evokes our sense of
wonder. And it has the additional and
important virtue—to whatever extent the
word has any meaning—of being true.

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HABITAT.

A LA CART

RICHARD 1ZUL

along to the pool, patio or wherever, then perhaps it’s time you dumped it for a new model—the multipurpose, solid-

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ash Serv-In-Style Gourmet Cart. When open, the Serv-In-Style becomes a buffet on wheels; or you can remove the flip
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——

235

THE THRILL OF VICTORY
WITHOUT THE AGONY OF THE FEET.

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SPORTS

SERVE WITH SPAGHETTI

tennis racket was: a wooden oval. Then came steel,

he spaghetti racket is here. We used to know what a
next the oversized Prince and now a noodle number

that promises to revolutionize the hacker's game.
Thwock is out; clack is in. Tennis may never be the same.
You can literally play the spaghetti racket like a harp;
it is double-strung. Two sets of 18 lengthwise strings are
separated by five pairs of cross strings—all of top-grade
nylon. The cross strings are strung at 70 pounds of pres-
sure, but the long strings at only
40 pounds, which allows for
considerable shift when they
strike the ball. Five elastic
cords on either side of
the racket face bind the
long strings together so
that they shift in uni-
son. To make the
shifts easier, 154
half-inch bits
of smooth,

hollow plastic tubing ("spaghetti") are threaded onto the
long strings where they contact the cross strings; the spa-
ghetti is held in place by a tiny dollop of glue.

When the strings shift, they get a greater bite on the
tennis ball and impart enormous spin to the shot—
sidespin, underspin, curve balls, but most of all, top
spin. Home runs drop at your opponent's feet just
inside the base line; hacker strokes bounce as though
dropped from an airplane. You feel like Bjorn Borg. .
The spaghetti racket is a sight to see—which makes

it a tremendous psychological weapon against
the uninitiated. The newly marketed com-
mercial version by Werner Fischer of Ger-
many ($105 for the prestrung racket
shown here or $45 for a
stringing kit to fit any

- racket is stream-

"€ ( lined A compared

—————— with the fish-
jim c om mp AN line-and-bal-
75 84 6 V $» 4 ee Y ing-wire

models made famous last year by Australien pro Barry
Phillips-Moore and American unknown Mike Fishbach.
Phillips-Moore had copied the racket of Fischer, a German
horticulturist and average club player, who started tinkering
with his strings five years ago because he couldn’t get
enough top spin on the ball. Fishbach took one look at
Phillips-Moore’s racket, then ran home and sketched the
revolutionary stringing from memory. He made history with
it at Forest Hills last September by trouncing Billy Martin
and Stan Smith in straight sets. Which is one reason it's
banned from International Tennis Federation tournaments.

The spaghetti racket is surprisingly easy to adjust to. It
changes moderate top-spin strokes into Niekro knucklers,
gives you service control and variety you never had before
and b-ings those overhit smashes down into the court.
It's recommended for baseliners, clay-court artists and your
medium-level club game. It is also touted as a cure for
tennis elbow. The soft stringing, however, robs the hard hit-
ter of pace and needle-threading accuracy on passing shots.

Then there's the acoustical effect: When the ball is struck,
it sounds like you hit it with a broken lamp shade. Say
hello to the clack. — PETER ROSS RANGE

237

Edy Your Heart Out

Now, this is not the first time you've seen one or more of EDY
WILLIAMS* breasts. You saw them before—if you were paying at-
tention, and we think you were—in the March 1973 issue of PLAYBOY,
when she posed íor, among other things, a spread-eagle swim-
ming-pool shot taken by her then husband, director Russ Meyer.
Edy liked that photo so much she later had a similar shot made into
a poster and it sold so well that it red her to write a movie
script about an Olympic swimming champ whose best strokes have
nothing to do with water. And, even though she is now busy look-
ing for financial backers for her soft-core epic, Edy can still take
a moment off to attend an event like the premiere of Mae West's
“Sextette” and flash some flesh for the lens lizards. Maybe Edy
should be this year's poster girl for the American Lung Association.

GRAPEVINE

Say, Isn't That... ?

No, not CHER—we mean the desperado. Yeah, we
thought these were just more ho-hum pix of Mrs.
Bono-Allman, too, until Contributing

Editor David Standish happened by
the office and started leafing
through our photo basket; he
stopped when he found these shots
and told us we really had some-
thing here. Oh? Yes, he said, be-
cause the gentleman hiding his face
in a handkerchief is none other than
GENE SIMMONS, lead tongue and bass
guitarist with Kiss and a man who, like
his fellow band members, never goes
anywhere without wearing elaborate
make-up. How would Standish know what
Simmons looks like in civvies? He toured Japan
with Kiss last year and wrote it up for this magazine.
That turned out to be a very productive assignment.

z
E]
E

2
B
E

Watermelon Man

Bad taste is alive and well and firmly en-
trenched at “Screw” magazine. Editor-publisher
Al Goldstein himself has appeared as Valen-
tino in its subscription ads, which stretches the
imagination to its limits. Recently, he called
upon GARRETT MORRIS of NBC's “Saturday
Night live" to eat a piece of watermelon for
the camera. The headline had something to do
with ^Screw's" black readership. Don't get mad
at us. We just report the news as we find it.

ae ee”

Queen for a Night
Just the other day, the “Grapevine” staff was saying, "Hey, guys, we haven't done
anything on the Jaggers in two whole months.” Moments later, these photos
showed up and we couldn't deny you this laugh. So here is the irrepressible MICK,
all dressed up with someplace to go; namely, a celebrity drag ball in Paris. Ah,
Paris—the lights, the romance. Ah, Mick—behind every great man, there is a closet
full of women's clothing. That's it for the Jaggers for at least another two months.

Sam Bites Dog

SAM PECKINPAH makes tough movies
(‘The Wild Bunch," "Straw Dogs") Sam
Peckinpah is a tough man. Our sources on
the set of his latest tough movie, a trucker
paean called “Convoy,” report that a little
girl went up to Sam to give him a new
golden-retriever pup, which she had named
Sam. Peckinpah, ever the old smoothy, said,
apropos of the pooch: “It almost looks
good enough to eat. You fatten ‘em up and
roast ‘em. Dogs are delicious. Puppies are
even better.” The child found that about as
sy 5 funny as a broken leg. There are those who
€ say Peckinpah doesn’t like dogs because he's
= had so many of them at the box office lately.

PLAYBOY’S ROVING EYE

Stripping for Christ

Hey, guys, over here. You can go back
to the pictures in a minute. The lady
unveiled above, to the right and below
is a former Miss Body Beautiful U.S.A.
and Miss Nude Universe. She lifts
weights. Her name is Kellie Everts and
she’s a Stripper for Christ, currently
performing for the aforementioned
deity and Minsky's Burlesque revue.
It seems that last July, God spoke to
Kellie, He told her to leave her job
as a Government social worker and
go back on the stage: "God gave me
a body people want to look at. There's
very few women who can stand on a
stage naked and look as good as me.”
When she's not stripping for Christ,
Kellie spends her time in meditation.
She is saving her money to build a
children's chapel in Brooklyn. Her
measurements are 44-21-38. Amen.

240

242

SEX NEWS

Whatever happened to that height of French culture, the dirty postcard? Well, surprise. The art form is making a comeback. You
can order reproductions of six authentic French postcards from 1910 to 1930 (above left) for $5 from Lovely Ladies, P.O. Box
2606, New Orleans, Louisiana 70176. The "nouveau dirty" postcard (above right) is the work of Francois Colos of New York. Using
pen, ink, postage stamps and postcards sent to him by friends, he creates ribald collages. Now, that’s what we call kinky.

BATTERED WIVES—28,000,000
BATTERED HUSBANDS—12,000,000

The body count has finally found its
way to that most ancient of conflicts—
the battle of the sexes. Roger Langley
and Richard C. Levy, authors of Wife
Beating: The Silent Crisis, estimate that
approximately 28,000,000 wives have
been physically abused by their hus-
bands, But the home team may be
catching up: The two writers also
claim that as many as one fifth of all
American males have been beaten by

The Pharmacists’ Planning
Service Inc. and The Pop-
ulation Institute—two San
Francisco-based groups—
are out to resurrect the
mighty condom. Last spring,
they held a Condom Cou-
plet Contest for the best
rubber rhyme. First prize
was a gold condom. Second
prize, a bronzed wallet with
the characteristic “emboss-
ing.” May we have the
envelopes, please. In first
place: “From using a con-
dom you will learn/No
deposit means no return.”
Oh, well. In second place:
"Rubberizing copulation/
Puts a cap on population.”
Other nocturnal submis-
sions included the follow-
ing: "When you rise/
Condomize"; "Remember
that foreach erection/A con-
dom gives the best protec-
tion"; “When in darkness
and in doubt/Take another
condom out.” The contest
will be repeated next year.
Pulloutyour penandgo toit.

their spouses. (The figure of 12,000,000.
battered husbands may be low—when
the man fights back, the incident is
often written off by police as another
case of wife beating.) These figures
have already generated a minor con-
troversy. Professor Murray A. Straus,
who in 1976 conducted a nationwide
survey, estimates that only 2,000,000
husbands seriously assault their wives
each year. An equal number of
wives abuse their husbands. (Other
studies have shown that domestic homi-

cides run about even between the sexes.
God created man and woman, but Sam
Colt made them equal. Apparently, it is
just as easy for a woman to pull the
trigger as it is for a man.) Whatever the
figures, all of the researchers concerned
feel that the battered male is as much
in need of counseling as the battered
female. Several cities have begun hot-
lines and emergency shelters for the
abused wife, but there is only one insti-
tution for the care of the battered

husband. It's called the corner bar. EJ

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Trae
OFFICE HELP. DEATH FREAK BEE GEES

“THE DEATH FREAK"—TWO AGENTS, ONE AMERICAN, ONE RUS-
SIAN, ARE BEING HUNTED DOWN IN MEXICO BY BOTH THE CIA
AND THE K.G.B. A THRILLER BY “JOHN LUCKLESS,” A.K.A.
CLIFFORD IRVING AND HERBERT BURKHOLZ

TED TURNER, THE CONTROVERSIAL MILLIONAIRE OWNER OF
ATLANTA'S BASEBALL BRAVES AND BASKETBALL HAWKS—AND
WINNER OF THE AMERICA'S CUP—IS CONSISTENTLY OUTRA-
GEOUS IN A PLAYBOY INTERVIEW

“EYES” HAS IT"—BEHIND THE SCENES OF FAYE DUNAWAY'S
NEWEST MOVIE, THE EYES OF LAURA MARS, AND A LOOK AT
WHAT THE DUNAWAY CHARACTER, A PHOTOGRAPHER OF FASH-
ION'S KINKIER SIDE, SEES THROUGH HER CAMERA LENS

“DARWIN AND THE DOUBLE STANDARD"'—ARE WE ALL MERE
CREATURES OF OUR GENES? DOES SEXISM MAKE SENSE GENETI-
CALLY? SOME ANSWERS ARE EXPLORED BY SCOT ANDERSON
PLUS: “THE GROWNUPS' BOOK OF BIRDS AND BEES'"—
WEIRD ANIMAL BEHAVIOR, E.G., ADULTERY AMONG AFRICAN
MUD HENS, HOMOSEXUAL RAPE IN PARASITIC WORMS AND, WE
HESITATE TO SAY IT, HUMMINGBIRD PROSTITUTION

*"PLAYBOY'S FIRST ANNUAL HUMOR COMPETITION"—SO
YOU THINK YOU CAN WRITE PUNCH LINES? CARTOON CAPTIONS?
HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO HAVE THEM JUDGED BY THE LIKES OF
BUCK HENRY, ART BUCHWALD AND BILL COSBY

"SECRETARIES"—A TEN-PAGE PICTORIAL ON THE LADIES WHO
MAKE WORKING IN AN OFFICE A VISUAL PLEASURE

“THE RISE AND FALL AND RISE OF THE BROTHERS GIBE"—
AT ONE POINT THIS YEAR, THE BEE GEES HAD SOMETHING TO DO
WITH FIVE OF THE TOP TEN RECORDS ON THE CHARTS. HERE'S
WHAT MAKES THEM TICK—BY MITCHELL GLAZER

“PLAYBOY'S PRO-FOOTBALL PREVIEW”—OUR PEERLESS
PROGNOSTICATOR ONCE MORE STICKS HIS NECK OUT ON WHO'S
GOING TO SHOW UP IN THE SUPER BOWL—BY ANSON MOUNT
PLUS: “WALTER PAYTON,” A PROFILE OF CHIEF RUNNING BEAR,
BY ROBERT E. CARR, AND “PRO CHEERLEADER PREVIEW,”
A CHEERFUL APPRAISAL OF THOSE IN-SHAPE SIRENS OF THE
SIDE LINES, BY STANLEY MORRIS

“SIX HEAVY STOCKERS"—ON AND OFF THE TRACK WITH A
HALF DOZEN OF THE WORLD'S TOP DRIVERS OF DETROIT IRON.
FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS, FOLKS—BY WILLIAM NEELY

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It gives you more smooth, mild taste. For more
smoking pleasure.

More length. Because More's the cigarette that's
120mm long.

A slower burn. That's why More lasts longer
than your cigarette.

And more value. Since More lasts longer, you
may go through fewer packs and save more money.

Try More. Yov'll take quite a liking to it.

The difference is More.

Taste, length, value...and more.

=
m
Zá
E
SE
o

FILTER CIGARETTES

Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined

That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. FILTER: 21 mg. "tar", 15 mg. nicotine, MENTHOL: 21 mg. “tar”.
1.6 mg. nicotine, av. per cigarette. FTC Report AUG. 77.

Stir up a Sparkler.
Arrow Cordials and Soda.

"+ Introducing a whole new way to drink
\ = our Arrow Cordials-The Sparklers.
— Pour a jigger of your very favorite
\ Arrow flavor over ice in a tall glass.
| Top with club soda and a wedge
of lime. You get a nice long drink
that's fizzy, bubbly, tasty. But not
overly sweet. A drink you canstay
with anytime. Even before dinner.
The Sparklers. Another bright
idea from Arrow Cordials.

Peppermint i
prs STRAWB

BLACKBERRY
FLAVORED BRANDY

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