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PLAYBOY 


ENTERTAINMENT FOR MEN SEPTEMBER 1978 $2.00 


EVERY THING THAT 
TAKES YOU UP AND 
DOWN - WITH A NEW 
VERSION OF THE 
FAMOUS PLAYBOY 
DRUG CHART 


GAHAN WILSON 
VISITS DRACULA 
COUNTRY 


WHAT DOES 
"GOOD IN BED" 
MEAN? 


WAS "ROCKY" 
A FLUKE? 
AKNOCKOUT 
INTERVIEW WITH 
SLY STALLONE 


SPYING AND LYING 
ON THE ROAD TO 
WATERGATE: 

HOW NIXON, 

THE CIA AND BIG 
OIL GANGED UP ON 
ARISTOTLE ONASSIS 


owl 


CHRYSLER, 


KI "ramai 
[5 
CORPORATION 


Seti, Y A2 


CHRYSLER LeBARON. 


No other car 
РУ brings more life to your style 
than the new-size Chrysler LeBaron. 

It fits in the size and price class of 


we gave it a young, aggressive style all its own. 
interesting options, to make it fit your style, like soft leather 
seating and a T-bar roof. Chrysler LeBaron. Add it to your life. 
ЖЕРА estimates for 6-cylinder engine with manual transmission. 

Your actual mileage may differ, depending on your driving habits, the 
condition of your car and its optional equipment. Mileage lower 

and optional automatic transmission mandatory in California. 


Who needs the accuracy of Technics quartz-locked, э 
direct-drive turntables? Professionals do. That's Technics 
why radio stations use them and discos abuse them. 

Now you can get all the accuracy of our profes- 
sional turntables with the SL-1301 fully automatic 
and the SL-1401 semi-automatic, our new quartz- 
locked, direct-drive turntables. Accuracy like wow 
and flutter of only 0.025% WRMS, rumble of—78 dB 
(DIN B) and speed drift within 0.002%. That’s 
professional accuracy. 

How did our engineers achieve it? They started 
with a Technics hetero-pole, direct-drive motor. 
Next, they combined the functions of over 1,100 
discrete circuit components into 3 IC chips, the 
same IC's found in our professional turntables. In 
one of these IC's you'll find the most reliable 
speed-reference device ever used in a turntable: 

A frequency generator quartz oscillator. 

To dramatically reduce annoying acoustic feed- 
back, both the SL-1301 and SL-1401 take advantage 
of Technics unique double isolated suspension sys- 
tem. One suspension damps out vibration from the 
base while the other absorbs vibrations from the 
platter and tonearm. 

At the same time, Technics computer-analyzed, 
gimbal suspended S-shaped tonearm reduces 
friction to a mere 7 mg while it greatly increases 
tracking sensitivity. 

The SL-1301 and the SL-1401. Both give you the 
accuracy of our professional turntables. With one 
big difference, the price. 


There are few differences between our professional 
turntables and these quartz-locked turntables. 
Accuracy isnt one of them. 


DC Re OE, Se еа 


Был SCOTCH WHISKY © 85 PROOF: CALVERT ‚с TO., ну. z^ al — 


Not a Scotch i in the Wa can run, 


with the White Horse, 


“White Horse ue E you EGR 
;Botdled in Scotland. Enjoyed in 171 countries. ` 


PLAYBILL 


WHETHER YOU DROP, pop, snort, toke, tipple or shoot, chances 
are you have taken or will take some kind of drug today. 
Because, whether it's Quaaludes, coffee or coke, ingesting 
drugs is more the national pastime than either football or 
baseball. Few can resist the temptations offered by body- and 
mind-altering agents. Even fewer take the time to find out 
what those substances do to their systems. To that end, we 
offer a series of highly informative articles on the subject. 

Drugs 78 looks at thc state of the stone in America and 
includes a comprehensive chart on the major drugs now in 
use and their effects. From there, we take you to the major 
sources: the dealer and the doctor. Arthur Stickgold covers the 
former in Street-Wise, a guide to what's being passed in the 
shadows, and James McKinley probes the medical-industrial 
complex in The Pusher in the Gray-Flannel Suit. Uppers & 
Downers, on the flip side of the drug chart, gathers together 
some of the cultural fallout. (The package was put together 
by Senior Staff Writer James R. Petersen and checked out by 
Copy Department Researchers Marsha Morgan and Marcy 
Marchi.) It ain't all pretty, so read it while you're suaight. 

Then return with us to the Fabulous Fifties, when, if Ike 
ed the back nine, all was right with the world. Or was 
it? Jim Hougan tells us even then the roots of Watergate were 
beginning to take hold. Multinational corporations were on 
the rise and they employed any and all means to keep it that 
way, including corporate spies, Government spies and various 
free-lance spies. The Plot to Wreck the Golden Greek is 
what this particular caper was all about. (It's excerpted from 
Spooks, to be published by William Morrow.) Award-winning 
artist Haruo Miyauchi illustrates it. 

PLAYBOY'S favorite macabre cartoonist, Gahan Wilson, took 
a vacation recently. Passing up the obvious lure of Death 
Valley, he opted for Transylvania, Dracula Country, where he 
visited the castle of the no-account count. Granted, it's not 
our usual d of travel piece, but, hell, Wilson does his own 
illustrations. (Wilson's latest book of cartoons, . . . And Then 
We'll Get Him, has been published by Richard Marek.) 

On the fiction shelf, you'll find two flights of fancy to curl 
up with. Arthur Rex, by Thomas Berger, author of Little Big 
Man and a campus cult figure, recalls the days of singing 
swords and swinging knights in this excerpt from the book of 
the same title to be published by Delacorte, Frank Frazetta, 
probably the most revered of our contemporary fantastic 
artists, painted the, well. fantastic illustration. In our second 
offering. Arthur Resch goes out of this world for his Sex and the 
Triple Znar-Fichi. Ws about a planet with six sexes. And you 
thought we had problems! 

Anson Mount, our peerless prognosticator, deserves at least a 
locomotive for putting together Playboy's Pigskin Preview. 
A word to the wise: It’s usually safer to bet wilh him. 

lawrence Linderman lias done so many Playboy Interviews he's 
got calluses on his rewind finger. This month, he takes on 
the head man of Rocky and S.T., Hollywood's newest 
“hunk,” Sylvester Stallone. Linderman went the distance. 

Remember the ads in comic books that offered various 
devices to make you a hit at parties? Well, we've got our own 
version in How to Impersonate Steve Martin, put together by 
two of our resident zanies, Associate Editor John Blumenthal 
Assistant Photo Editor Michael Berry (the bozo in the pix). 

Oh, yes, the girls. Almost forgot. We scoured the Pacific 
Coast for this best-in-the-West collection of Girls of the Pac 
10. (It's a two-parter. Tune in next month for more of the 
same.) Then we went to Jamaica (via Hollywood) for Septem- 
ber Playmate Rosanne Katon, an actress by trade, who gave 
photographer Mario Cesilli а rum for his money. Oh, well, day- 
light come and we wan’ go home. 


WILSO; 


HOUGAN 


MOUNT 


CASILLI 


NTHAL, BERRY 


4 


PLAYBOY. 


vol. 25, no. 9—september, 1978 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 


PLAY IU et C Reece RS hat SM S е ае 3 
THE|WOREDOFIPLAYBOY,« NOSE RS vse cee er dee oe 9 
DEAR PLAYBO Vie otis ct so PP M N уу eee 19 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS. 27 
BOOKS . 32 
EROTICA 34 
SIT MUSIC ..... 35 
MOVIES CEN aN eer ER ЛЕГЕ ТАККА E 42 
COMINGTATIRACTIONS SOUPE ME 46 
THE PLAYBOY; ADVISOR X Er dE E SEI DIT sere . 49 
IPLDAYBOYSSEXIPGIEES S LEER LE HOWARD SMITH 59 
This month's question: What turns you on or off about porn movies? 
THEIPPAYBOYIFORUMT EL SD ви к= 63 


Foll Girl 


PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: SYLVESTER STALLONE—candid conversation .. 73 
The Hollywood Sly talks about his childhood days of rage, the making of 
Rocky, the dangers of getting a big head, the "disaster" of F.I.S.T. and his 
hopes for his latest film, Paradise Alley. 


THE PLOT TO WRECK THE GOLDEN GREEK—article. ...JIM HOUGAN 94 
A real-life spy story about how Richard Nixon, the CIA, Chief Justice Warren 
Burger and American oil interests ganged up on peor old Aristotle Onassis. 


RUNAWAY FAVORITES—modern living ........................ 100 
Give your feet a sporting chance this summer in the latest athletic footwear. 


ARTHUR REX—fiction THOMAS BERGER 102 
The author of Little Big Man tells how Sir Gawaine, fair Knight of the Round 
Table, is sorely tempted by fleshly delights on his way to battle the Green Knight. 


STUNT GIRL—pictorial 106 


Some Hollywood femmes flirt with producers, but Simone Boisserée prefers to 
firt with death. 


WHAT DOES “СООР IN BED" MEAN?—symposium .............. 111 
Cheryl Tiegs, Rodney Dangerfield, Tina Turner and other celebrities tell what 


rings their chimes. 


BACK TO CAMPUS——attire . 
‘Models from three Ivy League colleges doi 
upcoming school year. 


DRACULA COUNTRY—article _.......-.-..------ GAHAN WILSON 119 
Our ghoulsworthy cartoonist visits Transylvania and discovers that vampires 
ore good for business. 


пант DAVID PLATT 112 
the trend-setting clothes for the 


BIRD OF PARADISE—playboy’s playmate of the month ............ 122 
s Jamaican Rosanne Katon is wan fine woman, mon, and a talented actress and 
Tracking Droc > writer as well. 


GENERAL orrices, navy putoa, ве нотун weroan AVE. EGO: HU toet- Pru FoHTAGE Mus enum ALL IEEE es ано ore TTP 
Ir THEY ARE TO CAN RE RESUMES FOR UNSOLICITED WATERINLS ALL NIGHTS IN LETTERS SENT YO PLAYBOY witt ак REA as unconosTion- 
мау ASSIGNED. FOR PUBLICATION AND COPYRIGHT ES AND AS SUBJECT TO PLAYBOY'S UNRESTRICTED RIGHT TO EDIT AND TO COMMENT EDITORIALLY. CONTENTS COPYRIGHT © 1970 EY 
MEAD SYMUOL ARE MARKS OF PLAYEOY. REGISTERED U.S. PATENT OFFICE, MARCA REGISTRADA, MARQUE DEPOSEE. NOTHING WAY OE 

он IN THIS MAGAZINE 
PHOTOGRAPHED BY 3, 


Ано ANY REAL PEOPLE AND PLACES 
FREDERICK SMITH. OTHER PHOTOG RA 
Р. 24, 146-183; NICHOLAS DESCIOSE, 


COVER STORY 

Michelangelo she’s not, but New York model Sue Poul pointed us up proud, anyway, on 
a set designed by Executive Art Director Tom Staebler. It wos produced by New York 
Photography Editor Hollis Wayne. The vision in white, orange ond pink was shot by 
J. Frederick Smith, and when we say pink, we meon the color. 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor ..........----+-----------:: 134 


SEX AND THE TRIPLE ZNAR-FICHI—fiction .......... ARTHUR ROSCH 136 
If you think life is rough with only two sexes, imagine what it's like when 
there are six. 


PLAYBOY'S PIGSKIN PREVIEW—sports ............ ANSON MOUNT 139 
Before you bet on опу 1978 college football game, you'd be wise to read how 
we rote the teams. 


FLAME-UPS—modern living .. 
Don't leave your flame to fortune, Check these lighters first. 


GIRLS OF THE PAC 10—pictorial .............................. 146 
The ladies in those Western colleges are so gorgeous that we have to cover 
them in two consecutive issues. Here's the first: o five-college roundup of 
compus beauties. 


. 144 


DRUGS ZRET A E NAL O eee ee p eet EE go trà 
A comprehensive examination of the love offoir between America ond the 
ossorted chemicals we swallow, snort, smoke and inject. 


BETTER LIVING THROUGH CHEMISTRY: 


Class Clothes 


SOME PRECAUTIONARY NOTES—edi 158 
Where does PLAYBOY stand on drug use? You'll find out here. 

MAJOR DRUGS: THEIR USES AND EFFECTS .................. 159 
PLAYBOY updates its famous foldout drug chart. 

UPPERS DOWNERS E с С 162 


Did you know that Valium costs six times os much os gold by weight? Step 
right up for more fun facts. 


PUSHER IN THE GRAY-FLANNEL SUIT—article. . JAMES McKINLEY 165 
Drug companies and doctors have a way of putting a lot more things into your 
system than you need or can handle. 


STREET-WISE—article .................-- ARTHUR STICKGOLD 167 
Before you put your money down for some underground dope, read this article. 
It could save you your high, your money or your life. 


HOW TO IMPERSONATE STEVE MARTIN—humor ................. 169 
Yes, fellas, now you can get girls by sticking a banana in your eor. 
THE JUDGMENT—ibold COSC ne E MM 177 
Jamaican Export 
EUROPE: THE OUTER LIMITS—attire ................. DAVID PLATT 181 
Continental designers are going about os Юг as they can go. 
PLAYBOYLFUNNIES S humor MIN 185 
PLAYBOY STRIPENE E OEE usss E 189 
Man & Woman, credit cards, turntables, mistress trusts, 
PLAYBOY POTPOURRI SEE ec „+... 240 
PLAYBOY ON THE ‘SCENE УЕ ЭКЕ E a UN 257 Ñ 
Popcorn mochines, Porsche 928, mirrors. Triple Znor-Fichi 


aleman P. з; S. тиш. г. тг) гыз GIACODETTI. P. зт, DAVID GUNN. F. өе; NOLZ MICHELSON, P. I0 DWIGHT HOOKER. P. 9: RICHARD NOWAND/ CAMERA 8. P. 3: TOM HUFFMAN, 

oaths anh т. is chem пл, ө ез сазо КНН, a каў, їз блр; ва N (ою м. LAMBERT STUDIOS, P. 193; LARRY L. LOGAN, P. 10 (2). 12 (3) 

4, 14; HANDY WINTERS, P. 3, BARON WOLMAN, P. 3 COVER, BINED JEANS EY WRANGLER. ЗНО; 
24-25, PLAYBOY CLUBS INTERNATIONAL CARD, BETWEEN F. 216-217, 


vel SMITH, р. 3, 10 (21; THE TUSCALOOSA NEWS, P. 135. NOLLIS WAYNE. т. 
BY FIORUCCI; P. 169-171, SUIT COURTESY GATSBY'S, CHICAGO. INSERTS: VANTAGE CARD. 


rraveov. Бат ^, VOL. 33. ио. 9. PUDLISMEO MONTHLY ат PLAYDOY. IN NATIONAL AND REGIONAL EDITIONS. PLAYUOY BLDG.. этэ N. MICHIGAN AVE., EHEO,, ILL. 00911. SECOND.CLASS 
FOSTAGE PAID AT CHGO., ILL., а AT ADDL. MAILING OFFICES. SUBSCRIPTIONS: IN THE U. S., $14 FOR OME YEAR. POSTUASTER: SEND FORM 3879 TO PLAYBOY, P. O. BOX 2420, BOULDER, Colo. 0303. 5 


PLAYBOY 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH M, HEFNER 
editor and publisher 


NAT LEHRMAN associate publisher 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 

ARTHUR PAUL art 
SHELDON WAX managing editor 
GARY COLE photography editor 

G. BARRY GOLSON executive editor 

TOM STAEBLER executive art director 


EDITORIAL 

ARTICLES: LAURENCE GONZALES editor; FIC- 
TION; VICTORIA CHEN HAIDER editor; 5 
TERRY CATCHPOLE, WILLIAM J. 
GRETCHEN MC NEESE, DAVID STEVENS senior 
lors; JAMES R. PETERSEN senior staff writer; 
JOHN BLUMENTHAL, ROBERT F. CARR, BARBARA 
NELLIS, JOHN REZEK associate editors; WALTER 
L. LOWE, KATE NOLAN, J. F. O'CONNOR. TOM. 
PASSAVANT, ALEXA SEHR (Jorum), ED WALKER 
assistant editors; SERVICE FEATURES: TOM 
owen modem living editor; DAVID PLATT 
fashion editor: CARTOONS: MICHELLE URRY 
editor; COPY: ARLENE BOURAS editor; JACKIE 
JOHNSON FORMELLER, MARCY MARCHI, MARSHA 
MORGAN, SUSAN O'BRIEN, BECKY THALER-DOLIN, 
MARY ZION researcher CONTRIBUTING 
EDITORS: MURKAY FISHER, NAT HENTOFF, 
ANSON MOUNT, PETER ROSS RANGE, RICHARD 
RHODES, ROBERT SHERRILL, DAVID | STANDISH, 
BRUCE WILLIAMSON (movies) 


ector 


ST COAST: LAWRENCE S. DIETZ editor 


ART 

KERIG rore managing direclor; LEN WILLIS, 
CHET SUSKI senior directors; BOB POST, SKIP 
WILLIAMSON associate directors; BRUCE HANSEN, 
JOSEPH PACZEK assistant directors; BETH KASIK 
Senior art assistant; PEARL MIURA art assistant; 
МІСКІ HAINES traffic coordinator; BARBARA 
HOFEMAN administrative assistant 


PHOTOGRAPHY 
MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; JEFF 
COHEN, JANICE MOSES associate editors; HOLLIS 
WAYNE new york editor; RICHARD FEGLEY, 
POMPEO POSAR staff photographers; JAMES 
LARSON photo manager; BILL ARSENAULT, DON 
AZUMA, DAVID CHAN, PHILLIP DIXON, DWIGHT 
HOOKER, R. SCOTT HOOPER, KICHAKD JZUI, 
KEN MARCUS, ALEXAS URBA contributing pho- 
lographers; PATTY BEAUDET, MICHAEL BERRY 
assistant editors; JAMES WARD color lab super- 
visor; ROBERT CHELIUS administrative editor 


PRODUCTION 


JOHN MASTRO director; ALLEN VARGO man- 
e interwoven Man. ager; ELEANORE WAGNER, MARIA МАМЫ, 
К.х с Sa ж. шл д. eee JODY JURGETO, RICHARD QUARTAROLI assistants 


9 READER SERVICE 
е S go JANE COWEN SCHOEN manager 


CIRCULATION 
RICHARD SMITH director; J. R. ARDISSONE News- 


stand sales manager; ALVIN WIEMOLD subscrip- 
tion manager 
ө 


ADVERTISINI 
"The man who knows how to put his feet up and relax wears HENRY W. MARKS advertising director 

Crew-sader? The casual socks from Interwoven that come in a BDI SEE 

stylish array of colors. So she'll love him in blue as much as she MICHAEL LAURENCE business manager; PATRICIA 


loves him in green, Because the Interwoven Man has socks appeal. PAPANGELIS administrative editor; TERESA 
MCKEE rights & permissions manager; MIL- 


x ter w a von DRED ZIMMERMAN administrative assistant 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
DERICK J. DANIELS president 


(©1978 Available at Fine Department and Men's Stores, 


@ 1978, Dexter Shoe Company. 31 St. James ere NCCE Boston, MA 02116 


Defy mediocrity. 


/ Seagram) V 


бшм Шз 00, XY. AY. 


THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY 


in which we offer an insider’s look at what's doing and who's doing it 


BAHAMAS WELCOME PLAYBOY 


A contingent of British and Bahamian 
Bunnies greets Hugh M. Hefner on his 
arrival in the Bahamas for the opening 
of the Playboy Casino at Nassau— 
presenting him with a rabbit-eared 
straw hat. The grand-opening festivi- 
ties drew celebrity guests from the 
fields of music (Cy Coleman, Mabel 
Mercer and Dionne Warwick), jour- 
nalism (Rex Reed) and film (Lynn 
Redgrave), as well as top Bahamian 
Officials: Prime Minister Lynden O. 
Pindling, Deputy Prime Minister A. D. 
Hanna and Gaming Board Chairman 
Perry Christie. The casino, the first 
opened in the Bahamas since 1967, is 
owned by the local government's Ho- 
tel Corporation and operated by a 
Playboy Clubs International subsid- 
iary under the direction of Victor 
Lownes, PCI President. It is located 
in the Ambassador Beach Hotel. 


Below, Marguerite Pindling, wife of the prime 
minister, cuts the ribbon symbolizing the formal 
opening of the Playboy Casino. Looking on are 
Hefner, Prime Minister Pindling (in front of 
roulette wheel) and PCI President Victor Lownes. 


At lett, jazz great Cy 
Coleman, composer of 
Playboy's Theme and a 
slew of other top tunes, 
reminisces with ап- 
other all-time stellar 
musician, singer Mabel 
Mercer, who wowed 
keyholders in the earli- 
est days of the Playboy 
Club in Chicago. At 
right, Playmate Sondra 
Theodore and Hefner 
talk with singing star 
Dionne Warwick, who 
was headliner for the 
casino-opening show. 


Playboy's Bahamian casino, which is already being enlarged, opened with 
an initial setup of 19 tables offering patrons a choice of blackjack, craps, 
roulette, baccarat and Big-6, together with 80 slot machines. The staff 
includes a number of British Bunnies who are employed as croupiers. 

= 2310 1 


Among the notables at the opening: Sondra, Hef, 
Mabel Mercer and British actress Lynn Redgrave. 
The Hefner party, which flew in by private jet, also 
enjoyed a fishing excursion while in the Bahamas. 


10 


THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY 


EX-BUNNY MARCY HANSON 
ROLLS ON TV 


The liveliest (we'd be prejudiced if we said 
loveliest) of the Rollergirls on the recent 
NBC-TV series was prospective Playmate 
Marcy Hanson (above), whom habitués of 
the St. Louis Playboy Club will recognize 
as a former Bunny there. Marcy has been 
linked romantically of late with ex-pro 
football great Joe Namath and with rock 
singers Rod Stewart and Keith Moon. 


DOUBLE EXPOSURE 


PLAYBOY's identical twin Beau- 
det sisters (right) are inter- 
viewed by host Charlie Rose 
on the AM Chicago television 
Program; the subject of the 
day's discussion was, you 
guessed it, identical twins. Ac- 
cording to a reliable source, 
that’s Kathy Beaudet Miro, 
Copy Department Secretary, at 
left; Patty Beaudet, Assistant 
Picture Editor, on the right. 


ON LOCATION AT GREAT GORGE 


Apparently, everybody likes the Playboy Resort 
& Country Club al Great Gorge, New Jersey, as 
a shooting location. At left, Great Gorge Bun- 
nies lend support to the members of Playboy's 
1978 Preview All-America Team as they pose 
for their portrait (see this month’s Pigskin 
Preview). In the two shots below, members of 
the cast of the forthcoming Paramount release 
King of the Gypsies take a break between 
scenes being filmed on Playboy's New Jersey 
property. Hot young star Brooke (Pretty Baby) 
Shields is pursued by representatives of the 
media (below left), while fellow stars Shelley. 
Winters and Sterling Hayden (below) crack up. 


OUI HAS A PARTY 


Valentino come back to life? No, just 
PLAYBOY Editorial Director Arthur Kretchmer 
dipping with Arlene Cramer, wife of Oui 
Editor Richard Cramer, at a Mansion West 
party celebrating Oui's move to Los An- 
geles. Below, host Hefner talks with guests 
Carol Connors (whose song Someone's 
Waiting for You won an Oscar nomination) 
and Josh Taylor of Days of Our Lives. 


: pon 2 Ф, 
| lop, ZZ 


= исе 
Q ur 
Read and КТУУ 
follow label directions. 


If there's one thing you always look forward to, it’s a weekend party You 
munch on chips and dip. You chug-a-lug your beer. You bugaloo till two. 

But sometimes you overdo it. You wake up feeling less than your best. When 
you do, reach for Alka-Seltzer The moment you drink it, those tiny bubbles 
Start to speed relief through your system. With specially buffered aspirin to soothe 
your-throbbing head. And antacids to calm your upset stomach. 


You'll be thankful you have Alka-Seltzer on П 
hand. Because when morning comes, ће only Alka-Seltzer 
sound your aching head can bear to hear is a Oh. what a relief it is! 

9 6 


gentle plop plop, fizz fizz. CIS MILES LABORATORIES I 


THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY 


NO GONG FOR HEF'S Е, 
BIRTHDAY PARTY : 
x 

Seems as if every year Hugh M. Hef- & 1 
ner's close friends try to outdo them- 
selves in planning a bigger and better 
birthday bash for PLAvBov's founder. 
This years version, honoring Hef's 
52nd, was a take-off on television's 
outrageous Gong Show. Those who 
daringly risked being gonged for their 
onstage routines included the guest 
of honor himself, who stopped the 
show with a socko closing rendition 
of Thank Heaven for Little Girls. At 
right, scorekeeper Sivi Aberg, a mem- g ча 

ber of the cast of the real Gong f, 
Show, introduces Sheila Culp and Hugh kin 
Sondra Theodore to the audience as 
well as panelists Hefner, actor Peter 
Lawford and comedian Alan Kent. 


r ter lah 


Swinging into action, Sheila 
and Sondra do their thing: 
a lively dance-hall-girl routine 
(lett). Leading the applause 
were Sheila's spouse, actor 
Robert Culp, and Hef. At right, 
Hefner greets horror-film star 
Christopher Lee, who was. re- 
cently revealed to be Muham- 
mad Ali's favorite movie actor. 
At least that’s what Ali told a 
press conference at the Cannes 
Film Festival. Why? “Because 
1 liked him in Dracula . . . 
and because he bit me on the 
neck once." Ali didn't make 
Hef's party, but such notables 
as director Richard Brooks, ac- 
tors David Janssen and Hugh 
O'Brian, singer Mel Torme did. 


We knew James Caan could play the 
quitar (see World of Playboy, March), but 
the saxophone? We won't be surprised to 
hear someday soon that Jimmy has started 
a one-man band. Above, premier porn 
performer Harry Reems appears to have 
taken up a new career: juggling, er, balls. 


Above, partygoers crowd onto the stage for the 
grand finale, as Hefner and his pal Lee Wolfberg, 
who was the person principally to blame for this 
event, are showered with confetti and balloons. 

12 Maybe they were lucky; it could have been tomatoes. 


People asl me , 
if I really enjoy AA ON 


I do. Because my cigarette is Salem. Salem gives y 
ks lt me Вые of the flavor I want from a cigarette, plus” Z 
1 N fresh menthol. Isn't it time you enjoyed Salem? ` 7 


„=“ Enjoy Salem Flavor. y 
+ 


] - Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
X KING:18 mg. “tar”, 1.2 mg. nicotine, 100's: 18 mg. “tar”, That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health 
13 mg. nicotine, av. per cigarette, ЕТС Report AUG. 77. š 


THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY 


PLAYMATE UPDATE: DAINA HOUSE 
ONSCREEN IN FONDA MOVIE 


Miss January 1976, Daina House (below), appears as Celeste, a young 
prostitute (below right), in The Great Smokey Roadblock, formerly 
titled The Last of the Cowboys. The film stars Henry Fonda as Elegant 
John, an ailing, independent trucker who is reduced to stealing his own 
rig when he gets behind on the payments. Trying for one last run across 
the U.S., Elegant John meets up 
with an old flame, now a madam 
(Eileen Brennan), and her six 


PLAYBOY ARTICLE LANDS ON BROADWAY 


Actor-director Peter Masterson was reading the April 
1974 issue of PLAYBOY backstage when he came across 
an article titled The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, 
written by Larry Might just make a musical,” 
he mused. “A mi ?" asked King, when invited to 
collaborate. The verdict, rendered by theater critics four 
years later, is a resounding yes. The play by the same 
name is now a Broadway hit and may soon be a movie. 


DRUMMIN' AND DANCIN' 
Country crooner Don Drumm 
(right), familiar to Playboy 
Towers Bar patrons, has a new 
LP, Bedroom Eyes (Churchill). 
The title song hit the C&W top 
20. After a smash run at the L.A. 
Club, Jeff Kutash's The Dancin’ 
Machine (below) played to 
packed houses in the Chicago 
Playboy Club. The disco-danc- 
ing troupe has a network TV 
show, as well as a Chicago re- 
turn engagement, in the works. 


CHRISTIE PITCHES IN FOR TV AUCTION 

Among celebrity quests serving as volunteer pitchpersons for 
WTTW, Chicago's public-television station, during its Auction 
"78 was Playboy Enterprises’ Vice-President Christie Hefner 
(above center). This year's event surpassed WTTW's $500,000 
goal in 65 hours of on-the-air appeals, down from 86 in 1977. 


In Saronno,allwe thinkabout 
is love. 


For it was here that Amaretto, 
the drink of love, began 450 
years ago. When a beautiful 
young woman created an 
extraordinary liqueur for the 
man of her heart. To be 
known for the way you make 
love in Italy... believe us, 
that is no small matter. 

So here in Saronno, we 
do not fool around with 
love. We still make Amaretto 
di Saronno as we have for 
centuries. We allow the 
flavor to develop until it is 
soft and full. We take our 
time— can love be hurried? 

Sip itas itis, on the rocks, 
in a mixed drink. Just bear 
in mind: only Amaretto 
di Saronno is originale. 

There are other amarettos 
you can buy. But true love 
3 comes only from Saronno. 


56 proof. Imported by Foreign: 
lE 


r 


Love-On-The-Rocks. 
Just pour a little over ice. Salute! For free drink and food 
recipe booklets, write: Dept. 46, Foreign Vintages, Inc., 
98 Cutter Mill Road, Great Neck, N.Y. 11021. 


aretto di Saronnc Originale. 
From the Village of Love. 


15 


THELEAST 
НЕДА THING 


THENEW 
RABBIT DIESELIS 
93 MPG H WAY, 


40 MPG CITY. 


You've read it right, friends. 

According to the EPA esti- 
mates the new Rabbit Diesel 
getsthe highest mileage of any 
car in America. (Of course, 
mileage may vary depending 
on how and where you drive, 
optional equipment, and your 
cars condition} 

But if by chance you're look- 
ing for more, read on. Because 
the most astonishing news 
about our economy car isn't 
the economy. It's the car. 

Remarkable thing *1: 
eye-opening performance. 

Are you the kind of person 
who gets a thrill out of zipping 
from 0 to 50 in a mere 115 sec- 
onds? Well, thanks to an effi- 
Cient use of aerodynamics 
and weight, you'll be ecstatic 
in a Rabbit. In fact, irs already 
set 31 world records for Diesels. 

You'll also be thrilled to know. 
the 1978 Rabbit comes with 
such things as an "indepen- 
dentstabilizerrear axle" which 
manages to combine the 
stable tracking of a rigid rear 
axle with the smoothness of an 
independent suspension. 

"Negative steering roll ra- 
dius" which helps mointain di- 
rectional stability even in the 
event of a front-ire blowout. 

"Front-wheel drive" for better 
tracking, especially in high 


winds ond rotten weather. 

Frontdisc brakes.Radial 
tires. Rack-and-pinion 
steering. Breathless cor 
nering. 

Do we still 
sound like an 
economy car? 
If so, you're ready 
for remarkable 
9 thing * 2: 

More room for 
people than 
40 other cars. 

A Volkswagen Rabbit looks 
smaller than other cars, right? 

But inside, our engineers 
cleverly devoted 87% of the 
interior to functional room. 

Open the trunk and (believe 
it or not!) there's more lug- 
gage space than a Cadillac 
Seville. 

Fold down the rearseat and 
(amazingly!) there's almost as 
much luggage space as 
some station wagons. 

Then open the door. Your 
eyes don't deceive you. 
There's more people space 
than Chevy Monza, Datsun 
510, Pinto Wagon and 37 other 
cars you could buy. 

But wait. While you have the 
door open, notice remark- 
able thing *3; a stroke of 
sheer genius: 

The seat belts 
actually put themselves on. 

No fumbling about on the 
floortrying to find them. 

No mumbling about what a 
pain normal seat belts are. 

It's like magic. 

Just close the door and 
they're on. 

This type of passive restraint 
system will be mandatory in 


1984. And only a Model "t" 


Rabbit hos it now. 
Another stroke of genius: a 
cooling fan with brains. 


"EPA Gas Mileage Guide © Volkswagen of America. Inc. 


When it's freezing out and a 
fan isn't needed, our cooling 
fan knows enough to shut itself 
off. (That saves you noise and 
energy.) 

When it's boiling out, our 
cooling fan has the good 
sense to keep running even 
after the car is shut off. (Be- 
cause that's animportant time 
to protect your engine 
against overheating.) Then it 
automatically stops when the 
engine is cooled off. 

Last but least, 
a word about money. 

Happily, all Rabbits are 
frugal when it comes to money. 

The problemis, which Rabbit 
should you buy? 

A gas-powered Rabbit — 
which is a wonderful car to 
begin with. 

Or a Rabbit Diesel — which 
Costs about $200 morethan our 

"C" and "Ë gas models. 

What do you get for $200? 

For one thing, diesel fuel 
costs about 10€ a gallon less 
than gasoline: 

For another, a diesel engine 
never needs a major tune-up. 
Because there are no spark- 
plugs, points, condensers, or 
carburetors to tune. 

All this, and great mileage, 
too. 

Atough choice, fo be sure. 

But then, a Rabbit is the only 
carin its class that gives you a 
choice at all. 

What could be more re- 
markable than that? 


VOLKSWAGEN 
DOES IT 


The Roses Gimlet. 
Four parts vocka, one part elegance. 


The elegance, of course, is 3 To make the Rose’s Gimlet 
Rose's Lime Juice. Which is the properly, simply stir 4 to 5 parts 
essential ingredient for turning 8 vodka, ріп ог light rum with 
any vodka into the most elegant z one part Rose’s Lime Juice. 
of cocktails. E Serve ice cold, straight up or 

That's because Rose's Lime / rs Wi on the rocks. 

Juice has an uncanny way " Š - Tonight, try the Rose's Gimlet. 
of stimulating the taste of It's made with elegance. To 
vodka, gin or light rum without ^ make you feel elegant whenever 
overasserting itself. you have it. 


3 
š 
i 
š 
ry 
$ 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


ADDRESS DEAR PLAYBOY 
PLAYBOY BUILDING 
919 N. MICHIGAN AVE. 
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 


WHO'S ON TOP? 

In response to Sharon O'Hara's article 
titled Getting Any? (rLaysoy, June), I 
heard an appropriate saying the other 
day while in class in my school of archi- 
tecture: “Do it with an architect; we have 
lead in our pencils. 

(Name withheld by request) 
Lafayette, Louisiana 


Your article Getting Any?, particularly 
your discussion of the sexual attractive- 
ness of bartenders, is of great interest to 
ws. A survey of graduates from our 22 
schools nationwide provides a viewpoint 
from the other side of the bar: Male 
bartenders seem to prefer women who 

re moderate tippers. Heavy tippers ap- 
pear desperate. With light tippers, they 
tend to feel “Stingy with money 
stingy with love. . . .” Women who are 
light drinkers will do best of all with 
the alcohol dispensers. Many of our 
graduates are women. They report a 
preference for the male customer who is 
mildly flirtatious yet respectful. They're 
tending bar to make money and don't 
want to be harassed. The pits is the 
drunken guy who can't take a hint. 

David С. Hart 

Professional Bartenders School 

Detroit, Michigan 


І have never read a better article in 
PLAYBOY than your Getting Any? in the 
June issue, As a senior counselor (over 50 
years in practice), 1 can confirm your 
astute conclusion of how fortunate it is 
to be a Chicago lawyer. 

Philip E. Ringer 
Chicago, Illinois 


AGELESS BURNS 

In regard to the June 1978 interv 
with George Burns, 1 must say thai it is 
the most enjoyable piece of writing I've 
read in a long time. Upon buying an 
issue of PLAYnoy, I usually skim the en- 
tire contents briefly, with special atten 


tion paid to the photography. However, 
the issue with George Burns, the young 
aspiring actor, grand comedian and, 
maybe someday, a singer, proved a dra- 
matic turn. I started at page 85, never 
stopped till page 106 and had a wonder- 
ful time. Then I wrote this. I still haven't 
seen the Playmate of the Year yet. 

George Barnett 

Newport Beach, California 


Your interview with George Burns 
never does reveal his exact age. I would 
like to know. 
Troy Z, Douglas 
Archer City, Texas 
See letter below, 


Hurrah for George Burns! While read- 
ing this classic interview, I could actually 
hear his voice. Is it possible he really is 
God? An amazing man—one we all 
should emulate. If Jack Benny was 39, 
God is 25... 


Gerald W. Thompsen 
Honolulu, Hawaii 


It is a great interview, I didn't know 
him before 1 saw him in The Sunshine 
Boys and, in one way, it was a shock, 
because a great actor like George Burns 
had been ignored by the movie people 
for such a long time. Now I can hardly 
wait to go out and see him as God. 

Leo Lafortune 

Cowansville, Quebec 


PUSHED TOO FAR 

Loved every word of Craig Vetter’ 
cs. His first four stunts proved 
his cour His Acapulco experience 
(The Cliff Dive, pLAYnov, June) proved 
his courage and—thank God—his in- 
telligence. 


ar 


Jim Everroad 
Columbus, Indiana 


Oh, Lord, won't you please give me 
the chances Craig Vetter had? PH do all 


CIRCULATION PROMOTION DIRECTOR. ADVERTISING: HENRY W. MARKS. ADVER 


INOIS S061. SUBSCRIPTIONS: IN THE UNITED STATES AND ITS POSSESSIONS, 433 FOR THREE YEARS. SES 


ASSOCIATE ADVERTISING MANAGER. 918 M. MICHIGAN AVE., DETROIT, WILLIAN F. MOORE. MANAGER, 818 FISHER BLDG. LOS ANGE 


GIVENCHY 
GENTLEMAN 
eau cde toilette 


Think of it 
as 
investment 
spending. 


Eau de Toilette 
After Shave Lotion 
Bath Soap 
Shaving Foam 
Protein Shampoo 
Spray Talc 


GENTLEMAN 


19 


Aday in Istanbul. 
Share the intimacy of 


East meeting West. 
Touch. Feel. Sense. 


In Turkey. where the Orient still flourishes 
and the Western World begins, 
1zmira Vodka was born. 

It is a place of romance, mystery, magic, 
history. You can sense it in 
every sip of Izmira. 


We challenge you to try Izmira Vodka. 
You may never drink any other vodka. 


80 PROOF. DISTILLED FROM WHITE BEETS. 
IMPORTED AND BOTTLED BY IZMIRA INPDRTS CO, N Y. © 1978 


those things he did and dive off the cliffs 
at Acapulco. ТЇЇ write about my experi 
ences and not ask for a cent. Lord, just 
give me a chance. That Vetter doesn’t 
Know what a thrill he missed. 
Brian Hamilton 
Portland, Oregon 


I must admit I admire Craig Vetter а 
great deal more after reading his last (2) 
story, The СЩ] Dive. I knew previously 
that he was a good writer and nervy 
hell, but now Í know he's also a good 
head. 


John L. Kickham 
Brem, Washington 


So Vetter couldn't make the big jump. 
"That's ОК. though, he did all right on 
the ice wall. 3 

Robert Scott Caraway 
Albuquerque, New Mexico 


I admire Vetter for his courage in re- 
fusing to be locked into the sell-destruc- 
tive role demanded of him by his readers 
and editors. I also despise him for re- 
fusing to perform the only stunt in the 
series that involved more than an il- 
lusory risk. You can't have it both ways. 

James С. Butzbach 
Oakland, California 


Your series Pushed to the Edge is an 
epic! It gives us an insight into fear and 
the thinking process 
Mike Speed 
Demopolis, Alabama 


HOWLING AT THE MOONS 
Your Moons in June pictorial 
(eLavnoy, June) omits two Playmates 
who possess the best-looking bottoms of 
any girls who have graced your center- 
fold: Sharon Clark (August 1970) and 
Kristine Hanson (September 1974). 
Fred James 
Encino, California 


Moons in 
been a few 


Wonderful little feature, 
June. But it should have 
pages longer. 

(Name withheld by request) 
El Sobrante, California 


Tam sorry to say that in 1974 1 way not 
yet one of your readers. If ] had been, 
1 would have more pictures of Cynd 
Wood. Miss Wood has the sexiest rear 
T have ever seen. 


ric Grindron 
New York, New York 


Moons in June is great! It's 
you showed us the beautiful backside of 
Denise Michele! You've kept us all in 
suspense for over two years 
K. Keller 
Greenville, Ohio 


out time 


Two Playmates deserving of а back- 
ward glance are not included in your 


line-up. Susan. Kiger and Sondra Theo- 
dore possess the most beautiful buns of 
any Playmates I've seen to date. Am I 
alone in this opinion 

Steve Crouse 

Raleigh, North Carolina 


T've told you once and now I'm going 
to tell you again. Playmate Nicki Thom 
as has got the nicest butt I've ever seen. 
Your Moons in June is great; keep up 
the good work. 


William Ri 
Omaha, Nebraska 
PLAYMATE PROTEST 
Walking by the Carolina Inn on April 
sixth, I couldn't help but notice that the 
Columbia Chapter of NOW was protest- 
ing your presence, apparently to inter- 
view potential Playmates. Does that 
happen often? 
Robert Robinson 
Columbia, North Carolina 
Who counts, Bob? All four of the 
protesters had something to say, but 
we've never before been subjected to 


this kind of song parody broadside. 
Frankly, we liked the original words to 
this 1927 Yellen-Ager golden oldy a lot 
more. 


MORE ON ANITA 

Your May interview with Anita Bryant 
left me dumfounded. Her ignorance is 
utterly astounding, even frightening. I 
really think I would feel less uneasy if 
she were acting out of deceit, because 
then there would be the comfort of 
knowing she had a grasp of reality and 
perhaps would at some time alter her 
position. 


Michael Coates 
Studio City, California 


It must be understood that Anita 
Bryant is merely an unfortunate victim 
of systematic brainwashing inflicted by 
the most classic mind fucker this planet 
has ever known: organized 
astonishing to think what a 


— 
—— 
— 
p 

— 


Wouldn't miss the Reverend Judd's "Evils of Drink" 
sermon for love nor money. Reckon when you're in the 
home distillery business it pays to know what the 
competition is thinking. So, one Sunday a year, me 
and the boys head for town, done up in our best. 
Which this year includes these fine looking new 
"Timberland handsewn shoes we've got on. 
Latest thing from the folks who make our 
bootsthat we wear for tending the mash 
and making deliveries. Our Timberland 
handsewns are made with real soft leathers 
and they will keep fitting right and 


2 Ti 


looking natty for a long time 'cause they're all hand 
lasted and hand sewn. They are also leather lined and 
got a padded collar so they're nice and comfortable 
over a long walk. Which is the way Reverend Judd 
prefers us to arrive. Parking our delivery car outside 
the church seems to make the Reverend real nervous! 


mberland & 


A whole line of fine leather boots 
2) and shoes that cost plenty, and should. 


‘The Timberland Company, Newmarket, New Hampshire 03857 


21 


PLAYBOY 


22 


world this would be if we started wor- 
shiping our true-life brothers and sisters 
(plants, animals, people), instead of 
looking skyward to worship celestial ab- 
stractions (God, Holy Ghost, whatever). 
Steven Somogye 
Key West, Florida 


If this is Christianity, I want none of 
it. I used to think I was a Christian; but 
if the lady is correct as to what Chris- 
tianity is, I would be ashamed to be 
associated with it. 


Keith Marvin 
Pomfret, Connecticut 


We should “protect America's chil- 
dren"—not from homosexuals but, rath- 
er, from Bryant's lack of logic. She needs 
more than God's help; she needs Aris- 
totle's. 

K. P. Duffy 
Maplewood, New Jersey 


I am the person Bryant quoted as 
saying "You've broken my heart and I 
cry all night and day because you hate 
That is an incorrect quote. What I 
said was, "It has been a long time since 
I cried about being gay. but your actions 
have made me cry" I poured out my 
heart to Anita that night, telling her 
is really like to be gay and how 
the untrue things she said about us hurt 
very deeply. Her reaction was cold and 
е. She seems to me incapable of 
truly loving anyone, straight or gay. 
How sad. 


Neal A. Parsons 
Richmond, Virginia 


Anita Bryant converted me. To athe- 
ism, No god in its right mind would have 
created such a babbling, wicked little girl. 

Jim Oppenheim 
Washington, D.C. 


You've got to be kidding! She really 
didn’t say all those ridiculous things, 
did she? ‘This is just a puton, right? 
No? Then I think we should form a new 
movement called Save Anita Bryant— 
this woman really needs help! 

Elaine DiPasquale 

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 


She almost makes me ashamed of being 
heterosexual. 
Eddy Arnold 
Iuka, Mississippi 


The only remaining fact about Anita 
Bryant that frightens me is that, obvious- 
ly, there are people who are determined 
to take this woman's ravings seriously. 
For them and for my few homosexual 
friends, 1 have some advice: Read the 
Playboy Interview, Perhaps after reading 
some of the pseudoreligious claptrap 
with which she tries to answer straight 
questions, they will realize that Miss 
Bryant is simply one more religious fa- 


natic with about as much basis for her 

fanaticism as Torquemada had for his. 
Frank Koontz 
Syracuse; New York 


Tomorrow I will have apple juice 
with my eggs. 
Doug Burns 
Tarpon Springs, Florida 


PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR 

The pictures of Debr: 
Francis Giacobetti in your June issue are 
the warmest you published. 
More of Giacobetti’s work in the future, 
please! Whoever your 25th-anniversary 
Playmate is going to be, make sure the 
name of the photographer is Francis 
Giacobetti. 


Jo Fondren by 


Niels Jensen 
Edmonton, Alberta 


I can't believe the biggest event of the 
year in your magazine and probably the 
most beautiful woman in the world, and 
you publish only 12 pictures? Debra Jo 
Fondren deserves a better layout than 
what you have given her. You're slipping! 
Please, sirs, can we have some тоге? 

Gerry Cross 
Tucson, Arizona 

Sorry about that. We had to have some 

Toom for the guys who like to read. But, 


now that you ERT it, perhaps 12 
isn’t enough. How about а baker’s dozen? 


1 couldn't agree more with your choice 
of Debra Jo Fondren as Playmate of the 
Year, She is the most exquisite woman I 
have ever seen. 


John Brandt 
Boston, Massachusetts 


І know that on the cover of each 
month's rLAYBov you have a Rabbit of 
some kind or another. On the cover of 
the June issue, with Playmate of the 
Year Debra Jo Fondren, I can't find the 


damn thing. Could you please tell me 
and others where the Rabbit is? 
Robert M. Tischler 
Greenfield, Indiana 
We sympathize with your obvious 
problem. If you can tear your eyes away 
from Debra Jo, you'll find our Rabbit 
on the comb. 


Тһе June 1978 cover of PLAYBOY is 
the greatest I have ever seen on a maga- 
zine. The long golden locks of Debra Jo 
Fondren against the black background 
have a striking effect. Photographer Rob- 
ert Scott Hooper clicked a masterpiece! 

Mark Coppedge 
Oakland, California 


I've been an ardent follower of your 
magazine for quite some time and have 
always admired your choices for Play- 
mate of the Year, as well as your monthly 
Playmates. But you really put the icing 
on the cake this year with Debra Jo 
Fondren, 

Mark F. McClanahan 

Richland, Washington 


In response to your choice of Debra 
Jo Fondren as Playmate of the Year, we 
salute you. To us, she is the obvious 
choice. We're glad you kept up the qual- 
ity of past Playmates of the Year by 
choosing Debra. We think she's the best- 
looking female we've seen in a long time. 
Men of 17th Floor 
Kirwan Tower 
University of Kentucky 
Lexington, Kentucky 


Paris? You must be kidding!! On page 
158, once you get past Dcbra's lovely 
breasts and look out the window . Us 
Rome! That's Trajan’s Column, built to 
honor the victories of the Emperor. It 
was erected in 113 A.p. Pope Sixtus V 
topped it off with a statue of Saint Peter 
in the 16th Century. 

Stephen V. Jarahian 
Bergenfield, New Jersey 

Apparently, Debra's topography con- 
fused your geography. That's the Column 
Vendôme outside the Ritz Hotel in Paris. 
When we shoot Paris, we get Paris. 


WHO LOVES YA, BABY? 

1 used to like Telly Savalas. But after 
reading Mark Goodman's Telly Loves 
Ya! (rLavnoy, June), I feel like I have 
seen him undressed by a man! I think it 
should have been titled I Love Ya, 
Telly! Nobody is that cool. 1 think we 
are dealing with a case of idolatry. Every- 
one should have such a fan! 

Kathy McCarthy 
Wilson, Wyoming 


"Thank you for Telly Lovcs Ya! A most 
enjoyable article on the friendly-eyed, 
big bald man who still takes time to 
remember his fans. His special maleness, 
talent and warmth bring truth to the 


WHY OUR OIL 
SHOULD BE STANDARD 
EQUIPMENT 
ON ALL SMALLER CARS. 


Smaller cars demand 
even more of a motor oil 
than big cars do. Their 4 
and 6 cylinder engines run 
at considerably higher 
revs throughout their 
entire performance range. 
So there's more heat and 
friction in the engine. 

All this can cause 
extra wear, tear, and ‘shear’ 
(thinning out of the oil) — 
what engineers refer to as 
“viscosity breakdown? As 


| 2 


To prove that Castrol is better suited 


for smaller, hotter, higherrevving engines 


we tested Castrol against Quaker State 
and Pennzoil. As the graph above plainly 
shows, only Castrol didn't break down. 


Castrol the strength it 
needs to keep cleaning and 
lubricating the narrow 
passages in smaller 
engines. (And if Castrol 
can do all this for smaller 
engines, imagine what it 
can do for bigger, less 
demanding ones.) 

To prove how good our 
oil really is, we tested 
Castrol against the two 
leading brands: Quaker 
State and Pennzoil. 


the viscosity of the oil breaks down it 
loses more and more of its ability to pro- 
tect a smaller car’s engine from its own 
self-destructive tendencies. 

That’s why Castrol is so essential for 
smaller cars. 

Unlike ordinary oils Castrol doesn’t 
break down. After an incredible expendi- 
ture of time and money Castrol engineers 
developed a unique motor oil formulation 
using a special vis- 
cosity modifier that 
prevents Castrol from 
thinning out under 
intense heats and 
pressures. 

Then they added 722 А 
additives and detergents | GRAD 1 
that keep sludge from 
forming as the oil cools 
down. Additives that give 


The test was conducted in a labora- 
tory by anindependent testing firm. Each 
one of the oils was an SAE 10W-40. 

After the equivalent of roughly 2,000 miles 
they found that while Quaker State and 
Pennzoil had both shown significant 
breakdown, Castrol hadn't broken down 
at all. 

So while there are lots of oils to 
choose from, only one should be standard 

equipment on smaller 
( ` cars. Castrol —the oil 
that doesn't break down. 

After all, if your 
motor oil breaks down, 
who knows what could 
^E AVI | break down next? 


EM Castrol 
THE OIL ENGINEERED FOR 
SMALLER CARS. 


PLAYBOY 


24 


statement “Out there in the real world, 
he still comes off as sex symbol, superstar 
and crowd pleaser supreme.” 
Mrs. J. L. Chambers 
Fort Myers, Florida 


MAIL FOR GAIL 

Congratulations to David Chan for his 

excellent and very tasteful layout of June 

Playmate Gail Stanton. Miss Stanton is 

one of the more intelligent Playmate 
judging by the Playmate Data Sheet. 
Tim Water 

Larop, Maryland 


A friend and I were enjoying your fine 
June issue with adorable Gail Stanton 
when we came across the picture of Gail 
in the kitchen, It is our Teeling that every 
man should have the pleasure of waking 
to such a wonderful sight as Gail pre- 
paring his favorite meal. 


Mark Minni: 

Topeka, Kansas 
It is our feeling that every man should 

have the pleasure of waking to such a 


wonderful sight as Gail preparing his 
favorite meal. 


I was greatly pleased to see that your 
June Playmate was 51”. 1 always felt 
short women were discriminated ainst. 
I'm glad ecaysoy is fair in its judgment. 
Gloria Birch 
Ivy, Virginia 


Gail Stanton, your June Playmate, is 
what "Southern comfort" is all about. 
tulations to PLAYBov and to 
Da n for those great photos of 
such beauty. 


Randy Laurie 
New Orleans, Loui 


Miss Stanton has the best set of legs 


to grace your magazine in many, many 
months, They are full, symmetrical and 
graceful in line—in short, fantastic. 


Please, let's see more of them and of her. 
William F. Wong 
Brooklyn, New York 


"Thank you very much for realizing one 
of my fondest desires, The first time I 


saw Gail Stanton, on pages 150 and 151 
in The Girls of the New South pictorial 

the April 1977 issue, I fantasized, Boy, 
would I love to revel in a Playmate of the 
Month layout on her! Well, the June 
1978 issue just fills the bill most gener- 
ously. Gail is unquestionably the South's 
finest product since the creation of 100- 
proof bourbon! 


Robert G. Schrom 
Lancaster, Pennsylvania 


Your June Playmate, Gail Stanton, is 
absolutely gorgeous! When's the next 
plane to Memphis? 

AI Orsini, Jr. 
Downey, California 


Gail Stanton, from Memphis, Tennes- 


see, is one of the prettiest Playmates ever 
to appear in PLAYBOY. 
William R. Jenkins HI 
Greenwich, Connecticut 


»LAYBOY's Miss June, Gail Stanton, 
an incomparable assemblage of luscious 
parts, indeed. 

Fred W. Conrad 
Racine, Wisconsin 


SCUBA DOS AND DON'TS 

Alter reading James R. Petersen's 
cle on scuba diving (Playboy After Hours, 
June), the only thing I can conclude is 
that, for some strange on, PLAYBOY 
wants to reduce the number of its read- 
About three years ago, while in 
Freeport, Bahamas, I, too, decided to 
take one of those quickie instruction 
courses. Because of insufficient instruc- 
tion and an asshole of a guide, I damn 
near got killed. Even so, I still had the 
desire to dive, so I thought it would be 
a good idea to spend “11 boring weeks at 
the local Ү.М.С. It's been well worth 
the time and the money. I've gotten into 
a couple of tight spots since then and the 
only thing that saved me from getting 
killed or turned into 2 vegetable has 
been my thorough training. We welcome 
those who seek to discover the joys of 
diving. As Petersen found out. there is 
no greater natural high. But, please, first 


ers, 


Chuck Szabo 
Columbus, Ohio 


nes R. Pet 


sen’s article on learning 
to scuba dive in one day is going to have 
you up to your Plimsoll line in industry 
outrage, as proponents of the regular 
courses vent their spleen at such unortho- 
doxj. Be not dismayed. Petersen tells it 
straight—and he is not an unusual case. 
We have been conducting such a “short 
course" for guests for several years. 
we hope to do is make the beginners 
safe in the water—and show them how 
to have fun diving. It does 
hours in a Y.M.C.A. pool and 20 hours 
of listening to pscudoscientific p: 


ver 


to accomplish this. If somcone wants to 
be a commercial scuba diver, he needs 
specialized training—and lots of it. But 
scuba can be fun from the first minute 
you put the gear on. Petersen was lucky 
to have connected. with an old pro who 
helped him put it together with a mini- 
mum of boredom and a maximum of 
excitement. Let's hear it for the scuba 
short courses! 


L. Dee Belveal 
Spyglass Hill Resort. 
Roatán, Honduras 


DEALING WITH BAKER 
Due to the demise of so many of the 

people mentioned in Wheeling and 
Dealing (pLaysoy, June), it might be 
hard to verify the truth of what Bobby 
Baker says, or to deny it. Either way, it is 
one of the more entertaining articles 
you've published lately. Cheers! 

Robert R. Land 

New Orleans, Louisiana 


I read the memoirs of Bobby Baker 
and started Victor Lasky's 41 Didn't Start 
with Watergate the same day and they 
served to lower considerably my opinion 
of J.F.K. and somewhat (it was already 
pretty low) my opinion of L.B.J. Thanks, 
I needed that. I used to consider myself 
an ultraliberal Democrat and wi 
the bleeding heart; but, increasingly, my 
opinion is getting to be, “A plague on 
all your hous 


Vincent Sullivan 
Lincoln, Nebraska 


CRAZY CANADIANS 

You ask “What sort of m 
Playboy?” Well, heres your 
This is Al Cooper of Brantford, On 


pa pating in the latest craze, barrel 
cycling. It may be strange, but his choice 
ial can't be argued 
Marc Heatherington 

Oakland, Ontario 
Our upcoming pictorial on “Canadian 
hion” has just been canceled. 


of readi 


©1978 B J REYNOLDS ToBACCC CO. 


“Why kid anyone? Ismoke 
because Lenjoy it. Im the kind of guy 
who gets pleasure out of a cigarette. 
But Im not deaf to whats being said 
about tar. 

“So I searched out a cigarette 
that would give me taste with low tar 
And two years ago l found itin 
Vantage. Vantage has all the taste I 
enjoy yet, surprisingly, much less tar 
7 than my old brand. 

“Why did I choose Vantage? 
Because like it” 

Michael Epperson 

Miami, Florida 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 


1, a FILTER: 11 mg. "tar", 0.7 mg. nicotine, MENTHOL: 11 то. "tar", 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


0.8 mg. nicotine, av. per cigarette, FIC Report AUG. 77, 
FILTER 10075: 11 mg. “tar”, 0.9 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FIC method. 


25 


| F 
L / 


БР ЕЈ { 
J f 


“LANCERS BRINGS OUT THE BEAUTY IN SIMPLE THINGS. 


Vf you enjoy Lancers by candlelight, then you'll also enjoy it by sunlight. 
Lancers,Rosé. Any time. Any place. 
After all, the simple things were meant to be beautiful. 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


YOU READ IT HERE FIRST 


Our source. claims that the following 
incident is 100 percent true fact. We are 
reserving final judgment until we can 
obtain signed and notarized affidavits 
from each participant, a tape recording 
of the entire proceedings and a clear 
cight-by-ten glossy photograph of the 
premises. Meanwhile, you make up your 
own minds: 

In Tucson, Arizona, a newspaper re- 
porter wandered into a large discount 
department store to spend some money. 
"The reporter wound up in a check-out 
line behind an empty-handed woman 
who, when she got to the checker, ex- 
plained that she had not been able to 
find the item she was after on the shelv 

“What it you wanted, ma'am? 
the check-out girl asked. 

“Tampax.” 

“What kind? 
“Super.” 

So the check-out girl got on the micro- 
phone at her station and blurted over 
the storewide intercom: “Stockboy, we 
need a box of super Tampax right away 
at register seven.” 

The woman went crimson but stood 
her ground. 

But the stockboy didn’t hear the mes- 
sage clearly—he thought the checker had 
called for thumbtacks. So he shouted 
from the back ol the store: “Do you want 
the kind you push in with your finger or 
the ones you pound in with a hammer? 


FIRST APARTHEID, NOW... 


What kind of man gets arrested for 
reading rrAvnov? In South Africa, it 
was а 26-year-old British émigré named 
Malcolm Richardson, who was arrested 
and fined $460 for being in possession of 
three issues of rLaysoy—a periodical 
that is among the many banned by the 
Vorster government, Richardson tried to 
cop out by saying that the PLAYboxs were 
already in his apartment when he rent- 
ed it; but then he was forced to admit 
that he had been in the apartment for 
three years and had never thrown the 


was 


the girl asked. 


magazines out. The question of how the 
police came to find the rrAvnovs in Rich- 
ardson's apartment was not answered. Or 
asked, probably. 


GOOD HEAD 
‘The student newspaper of California's 
Humboldt State University, The Lum- 
berjack, headlined an article about 
means of birth control with this wry 
Statement: “CONDOMS FILL RISING NEEDS,” 


WOMEN ON THE WALL 
Tt has long been argued (by men, 
mostly) that the wall writing found in 
women’s rest rooms is not as witty and 
clever, much less as prolific, as the graf- 
fiti found in men's rest rooms. Now 
comes writer Susanna Shaw, attempting 


to prove that contention wrong by com- 
piling more than 1200 women's graffiti; 
the collection, Women in the John, will 
be published this fall by "Two Conti- 
nents. Does Shaw succeed? You'll have 
tO read the entire book to fully decide, 
but here is a starter sampling: 

* SEXISM BEGINS AT HOME, BUT PROLIF- 
ERATES IN BARS. 

* NEVER. ACCEPT 
MEN, AND REMEMBER, 
STRANGE AS HELL. 

* LEARN HOW TO SEDUCE FAGS, THEY'RE 
FABULOUS LOVERS. 

* WOMEN UNITE—AND MAKE HIM SLEEP 
IN THE WET SPOT TONIGHT per 

* VIRGINITY 15 LIKE A BUBBLE: ONE PRICK 
AND IT'S GONE. 

* THE HUMAN RACE HAS NO RIGHT TO 
PLACE ITSELF ABOVE ITS HORMONES. 

* TOO MANY MEN, TOO LITTLE ME. 

* 1 OWN MY OWN BODY, BUT I SHARE. 

* BIONIC MEN CAN'T GET IT DOWN. 

= MY BUTCHER HAS SUCCULENT MEAT, 

* IT’S NOT KOSHER TO BE А MALE-CHAU- 
VINIST PIG. 

+ 1 ALWAYS 
GERS. 

* EVERY TIME 1 THINK I KNOW WHERE 
IT'S AT, THEY MOVE IT 

* DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE. XEROX YOUR 
VAGINA. 

* NOTICE: IF YOU TOOK SHIT, PLEAS 
IT BACK. NO QUESTIONS ASKED. 


RIDES FROM STRANGE 
ALL MEN ARE 


TOOK CANDY FROM STRAN- 


PUT 


WELCOME, EXTRATERRESTRIALS 


One of the most comforting things 
about the film Close Encounters of the 
Third Kind was its implication that the 
U.S. Government knows exactly what 
to do when alien-filled saucers finally 
arrive on planet Earth. Does art imitate 
life? Does our Government really and 
truly have a plan of action for dealing 
with extraterrestrial visitors? 

Not quite. We thought that we were 
really onto something when we saw that 
NASA, the space agency. had a depart- 
ment of external affairs—but it turned 
out to be the press office. Then we found 
our way to NORAD, the North American 


27 


PLAYBOY 


28 


Air Defense Command, which is the mili- 
tary branch responsible for tracking the 
4650 objects currently circling the carth 

But while NORAD's instruments are 
sensitive enough to detect and predict 
the orbit of an object as small as a golf 
ball, it doesn’t scan апу deeper than 100 
miles from carth—or well short of the 
point at which we might comfortably 
expect our leaders to notice oncoming 
aliens. “Oh, if it was big and shiny, we 
might pick it up beyond the orbit of 
says Timothy Ferris, a writer on 
space exploration, “but since we're in 
a very primitive state in terms of know- 
ng what's in our own solar system, we'd 
probably pick it up around the moon.” 

Once an object is spotted, military and 
civilian systems could come into play in 
identifying it. The Air Force might wack 
it with its spy satellites, especially those 
with heat-derecting devices that are nor- 
mally used to track Russian long-range 
missiles. 

If a UFO approaches U.S. territory, 
then what? “There are no plans that 
separate UFOs from other threats to 
national security," an Air Force spokes- 
man told us. “We do have plans to deal 
with intruders and security violations. If 
anything presents such a threat, we take 
the appropriate action.” (The problem, 
оГ course, is that what might be an ap- 
propriate response to 100 Russian bomb- 
ers approaching Cape Cod could get us 
in deep trouble with an alien civiliza 
tion that might be capable of, say, vapor- 
izing New York.) 

“The Air Force watches our coasts 
with its Air Defense Identification Zones 
" continues the Air Force spokes- 
n. “Every commercial airliner has a 
squawk box that responds to an identify- 
friend-or-foe signal we send out. If some- 
thing does not respond and it enters the 
ADIZ, we declare it unknown and scram- 
ble fighters to go up and take a look 

What happens if the fighters intercept 
a UFO and it looks like an inverted 
сир on a saucer? “If something were 
to attack the fighters, we would send up 
vanished, we would use 
les. The Nike Hercules is the next 
ne of defense. They're old but ade- 
quate, We'd also judge its intentions by 
whether or not it tried to jam our radar 
or send false signals. The NORAD Com- 
mander can take action without consult- 
ing the President.” 

If an object touches ground unde- 
tected, it’s the responsibility of the 
people farthest down the chain of com- 
mand who can handle the situation, be it 
local, state or Federal forces. In 1969, for 
example, a Kansas farmer called the 
local police to report a glowing object in 
his cornfield. The police weren't sure 
what to do and called an Air Force team, 
which determined that 200 pounds of 
Russian satellite had deorbited into the 
farmer's back 40. Had aliens gotten 
out to grect them, however, NASA and 


military scientists—most likely from the 
Air Force Office of Scientific Research, 
which funds highly exotic studies 
staffed with top people in all fields 
would have been called in. 

But what are the odds of a UFO's 
making it down to the ground, given the 
military's own description of its pro- 
cedures and its necessarily zealous atti- 
tude toward protecting our turf? If we 
take the word of the majority of astron- 
omers and other space watchers, we prob- 
ably will never find out: There's nothing 
out there to begin with. 

On the other hand, some He! 
Lem! Ain't that Richard Dreyfuss out 
there in the back 40? 


PUNK INVENTORY 


If the New Wave, or punk movement, 
in popular music has yet to take off and 
suffuse the nation's consciousness, it is 
not [or lack of effort. It would appear, 
in fact, that there may be more punk 
ands around than there are punks and 
that the main reason for the l i 
ence is so that members can devise out- 
Yageous, provocative or otherwise qui 
names for themselves, 

To wit: New Yor 
Weiner pulled together this list of bands 
that haye been playing the punk circuit 
around the country in recent months: 

Squeeze 

The Li 

Trash 

Just Water 

The Vi 

Advert 

Eddie & the Hot Rods 

Twinkeys 

The Viletone 

Wreckless Eric 

Chain Gang 

The Mutants 

The Young Mutations 


ers 


The Clash 
The Subu 
The Cramps 

Boomtown Rats 

The Mumps 

2 Timers 

Johnny Comet & the Bowlcleaners 
Foolish Virgins 
The Depressions 

Zantees 

Flashcubes 

The Invaders 

The Visitors 

y Toledo & the Rockets 
aters 

The Damned 

rm Gun 


an Studs 


Asphalt Jungle 

Hot Lunch 

Teenage Jesus & the Jerks 
Slaughter & the Dogs 
The Waitresses 

Bizarros 

Corpse Grinders 
Radiators 

The Motors 

The Valves 

The Stranglers 

The Buzzcocks 

Stinky Toys 

Sweaty Tools 

The Soft Boys 

rhe Dead Boys 

"The Squirr 
The Pigs 
Headaches 
The Nosebleeds 
The Sniveling Shits 
The Sic F-cks 
Warsaw Pact 

The Kommunists 
Suicide 
"The Pol 
Richard Hell & the Voidoids 
The Electric Chairs 

Storm Trooper 

Johnny & the Selt Abusers 
Flash and the Pan 


THE JOY OF INSECTS 

The correct recipe for African Fried 
Flying Ant? Why not: “Fry the ants in 
a dry pan. Remove the pan, dry in the 
sun and winnow out wings and any 
stones. Fry the ants again, with or with- 
out a little oil, add a bit of salt and cook 
until done. Serve with rice. 

This protein-rich menu suggestion 
comes from African Insect Recipes, by 
Martha Wapensky, an American who, 
with her economist husband, has spent a 
lot of time in the Third World. In а 
letter to us, Mrs. Wapensky writes wist- 
fully of her introduction to culinary 
buggery: 

“Not long after moving to Kampala, 
capital of Uganda, we were awakened 
one night by much celebrating and 
shouting, which we hoped was a coup. 
Unfortunately, it had nothing to do with 
President Amin. It was the periodic 


The Lancia concept. 
Performance as a function of design. 


In achieving the basic transportation purpose of an automobile, Lancia engineers 
and designers have worked since 1906 to make road performance an integral part of basic 
design. Over the years, Lancia has scored one racing victory after another. Today, Lancia 
performance means rack and pinion steering, twin overhead carn engine, fully independent 
suspension, front wheel drive and power assisted four-wheel disc brakes. One test drive 
will convince you Lancia is exceptional. 


Lancia HPE. Coupe. Se 


PLAYBOY 


30 


coming of the grasshoppers, a time of 
mutch joy for the people. 

“The noise was made by a group of 
Ugandans gathered around a streetlight 
outside our gate. They chattered, sang 
and danced throughout the night as they 
caught thousands of grasshoppers. After 
whirling death swoops around the light, 
the grasshoppers would drop to a cloth 
spread out on the ground. There was a 
merry Mardi Gras atmosphere at every 
streetlight that night, and whenever the 
grasshoppers appeared during the year. 
The nights catch was later fried and 
eaten or sold at the market for ten cents 
a handful. I can report that they taste 
something like a cross between fried 
shrimp and Fritos.” 

And if fried grasshoppers or ants in 
your pans don't winnow your wings, we 
suggest the Wapenskys’ humdinger of a 
recipe Гог bee larvae: “Remove the nests 
from the tree (at the chef's own risk) and 
boil them. Take the larvae out of the 
comb and dry them. Fry with a little salt 
and dry again. Serve as an appetizer. 


SOCIAL ТІР OF THE MONTH 


Many of the swankier discos around 
the country have а couplesonly policy, 
designed to prevent unattached red- 
blooded males from surveying the talent 
and—who knows, given the yibratory 
flow of intersexual attraction—hitting 
on some wimp's date. What a bummer! 
Bu ny of those discos are lo- 
cated in cities and states that have laws 
that prevent those same discos from dis- 
criminating against homosexuals, And 
we have it on best authority that not a 
few slick dudes have figured out that 
they can swish into a couples-only disco 


LAST WILL AND TELECAST 


“Everything looks worse in black and 
white,” Paul Simon sang in Kodachrome. 
Especially wills. At least that's the idea 
that inspired two Pittsburgh business- 
men, Jim Fullerton and Dan Abrams, to 
nvent the Technicolor videotaped will. 
Thanks to them, the generation that 
grew up with This Is Your Life will be 
able to haye its own This Js Your Death 
ТҮ show for private showings to the 
next of kin and other heirs. 

‘or the heirs, of course, color reruns 
of Uncle Charley may be kind of spooky 
but Fullerton, president of the Fullerton 
Company, believes there are sound rea- 
sons for using his service. “It really saves 
trouble if one of the heirs wants to go 
to court," he says. “They see the face on 
the screen and realize that the deceased 
was of sound mind and body.’ 

At 34, with blown-dry hair and a thick 
cigar between his teeth, Fullerton doesn't 
look the funereal type. He looks more 
like a wheeler-dealer, a big-money bro- 


arm in arm with another guy, then drop ker, which, in fact, is what he is, In 

the act once they're inside and start 1973, he parted company with his em- 

looking to make a straight score. ployer, General Electric Credit Corp., 
SUPERMARRIAGE 


You may have heard: As announced 
on the cover of the 10th-anniversary 
issue of Action Comics, Superman and 
Lois Lane finally get married. Gee, we 
thought, gosh, it's the end of an era. 
But then we read the story, All this 
transpires on Earth-Two, “a coexist- 
ing world in a parallel dimension— 
not identical, but similar to its twin 
in many respects!” So all this is hap- 
pening to Similarman! Or is it? Turns 
oul we've been away too long: А fact 
page at the back tells us, “Of course, 
you know the modern Superman lives 
on Earth-One and the older one on 
Earth-Two.” Wait a minute. When 
did they retire the original Superman 
and put him out to pasture in some 
phony dimension? And does that 
mean the real original Superman has 
married some cloned Lois Lane? And 
since he’s so old, will he, you know, 
be able to... still get it superup? 


left with only “$50 and an American 
Express card." He set up the Fullerton 
Company to arrange financing for coal 
companies and was swept along to for- 
tune by the post-Arab oilembargo coal 
boom. 

Almost as a diversion, Fullerton 
founded a videotaping subsidiary that 
recorded houses for real-estate com 
panies, demo tapes for rock groups, 
models and sportscasters, and depositions 
for the courts. When he heard about a 
Virginia firm that was taping wills, he 
figured that was a logical extension for 
his new toy. 

"The mechanics of the video-taping are 
not complicated. The only ground rule 
is that every client begin by reading from 
a standard will. After several run- 
throughs, the client sits before a Sony 
color-television camera and reads his 
will. Two Fullerton Video Systems cam- 
eramen record in homes and hospitals, 


but most of the taping is done in the 


company's studio. Cost is 5125 for the 
basic one-hour service and $25 for each 
copy. 

Its uncertain whether or not the 
video-taped wills will have legal standing 
should court battles develop; but, as luck 
would have it, none of the clients has 
so far had the bad fortune to require his 
will, so there has been no real test. 

Phe clients, in any case, are convinced 
of the advantages of the taped death 
In the year they've been in the 
ess, Fullerton has taped better than 
ts have ranged in age from 
mid-30s to mid-70s and they've come 
from across the socio-economic spectrum. 

“We've had industrialists, pharma- 
* says Abrams, who is a consultant 
to Fullerton. "We had one stonemason 
who got so agitated he kept lapsing into 
Italian. 

Such 


ve kept Abrams impro- 
vising. When one client insisted on hav- 
ing his videotaping witnessed, Abrams 
rigged up a splitscreen arrangement to 
satisfy him. An aging dowager, dis- 
taught at the mere thought of parting 
with her money, repeatedly broke down, 
turning a routine 20-minute session into 
a four hour nightmare. 

Beyond insisting on written wills, Ful- 
Jerton has no taboos, which leayes the 
field wide open for ad-libbing. One could 
imagine stagestruck clients hot-d 
it with guest appearances, advertising or, 
more to the point, parting shots at long- 
hated relatives. Because they take great 
care to ensure privacy, Fullerton doesn't 
view the tapings; thus, he can't say what 
has taken place. 

Sure," Abrams concedes, “you're gon- 
na get somebody saying, ‘And to my 
nephew Steve, who wanted to be remem- 
bered in my will, Hi, ther 
gonna say those things because they 
know they won't be around when the 
heirs hear them.” 


People are 


This season, Ed Stimpson will experience more 
bone-crushíng tackles than any player in football 
on his 2995 VideoBeam lifesize television. 


“On my VideoBeam six-foot TV “сап read thenameona is such that when I'm watching the 

I see a game better than the broad- golf ball. Masters, for example, І can read the 
casters, the referees, the spectators, “I'm also a golfing fan. and the name on the ball that the players 

the players, and I see it better than clarity of the picture on my Video- are playing." 


the coaches which isn't difficult. Beam set and the size of the screen 
But the most dra- жы 

matic part of watch- 
ing a game on the 


How Advent beat — 

N Vi á 
Advent's screen is Siy One 11 de eloping 
the ferocity of the life-size color TV. 
tackle, which you / | ‘Advent beat everyone because 
experience life-size 1967 we decided that 


° E life-size television would be the T V of 
in front of you. the future. Developing and perfecting 


"[tslikereading | M i Ы the color optical systems. the ultr 
a player's mind...” bright reflecting sete ath pace 
"Detail is one of 3 > fime to do right. So it was 1973 before 
the outstanding fea- Advent s first VideoBeam television 
tures of watching any- 2==— - Sets met all the critical perform 
: + Actual closed сик edd 
thing on the VideoBeam Е uis levels we set. The result is. toda: 


Г SU many consider Advent the standard 
TV. I'll give you an example. by which all others are judg: 


1 used to play defense so For instance, the Advent Model 
l like to keep an eye on the 750 VideoBeam television set re- 

defensive end. The screen ceives all broadcast VHF and ОНЕ 
is big enough so you Сап seg ТУ channelsand projects the picture 


froma three tube optical system on 
him shaping up fora move to the six-foot diagonal m 


before he makes it. Is un- CS Screen. Picture quality is 
Ed Stimpson 
canny — almost like reading his mind.” West Falmouth. Mass. En and v св s Соргы 
“N “kel di ere: MK under normal room lighting. The 
Nobody saw it like I did. Advent VideoBeam owner since 1974. Fe at conten for vides 
or instance, 1 remember one recorders and line out for audio. with 
tackle vividly. It was a rookie corner remote control for on/off channel 
back playinghis first pro game. > selection and volume control. 


Everybody had said he’s not going to 
be any good. But I saw in great detail 
how he handled this first tackle and 
exactly how he made his move. And pl mm 
У е A E ii To: Advent Corporation. 
1 said to myself, “This guy is good. 195 Albany St. Cambridge. Mass. 02139 
This rookie was knocked a few times, Please send me brochures of Video Beant 
but as the year went on he gained life-size television sets and the name and 
superstar status. And | saw all that address ofthe nearest dealer where | ean 
inhis very first tackle. Nobody else B 
did, except the guy who got creamed, 
because you just can't experience 
the ferocity of a tackle like that on a 
tiny TV tube." 


Name < 


Adoes —— 


"Suggested retail price. See your dealer 
for convenient long-term time payments. 


Advent’s VideoBeam television 


You've heard what we've done for hi-fi. Now see what we've done for TV. 


© 1978. Advent Corporation Advent Corporation, 195 Albany Street, Cambridge, Mass. 02139, (617) 661-9500 


31 


t has been said that most songwriters 

have only one basic song on which they 
do variations forever and that a song- 
writer with two basic songs is a genius. 
If one applies that standard to writers 
of books, then Isaac Bashevis Singer, 
though an outstanding author, is not a 
genius, because he has basically one story 
to tell: the struggle of Jews to maintain 
their culture in a rapidly changing and 
often antagonistic world. Shosha (Farr 
Straus and Giroux), his latest novel, is 
about Arele, a young Jewish writer, the 
son of a rabbi, living in pre-World War 
"Two Warsaw. Arele finds and marries his 
long-lost childhood sweetheart, Shosha— 
who, though chronologically an adult, is 
physically and mentally a child. When 
the writer discovers Shosha, whom he had. 
presumed dead for 15 years, his hitherto 
penurious life has just taken a confu: 
turn for the better. He has been offered 
a chance to write a Yiddish play for an 
American Jewish actress, who seduces 
him and offers to marry him and let him 
bring Shosha to America with them so 
that they might escape the coming holo- 
caust. Arele turns down her offer and 
marries Shosha, who is generally thought 
of by his fellow writers as crazy 
at best and an idiot at worst. Thus, 
Arele opts for love in the face of a 
multitude of disasters: the folding of hi: 
play belore it opens, a loss of prestige, 
the termination of his generous monthly 
stipend for writing the play, the loss of 
his friends’ respect for having married 
badly and, of course, the coming of the 
Nazis. Threaded throughout Shosha are 
the familiar Singer characters: the mys- 
tic, the intellectual cynic, the simple 
peasant girl, the nd domineer- 
ing older woman and Singer’s own per- 
sona, the troubled, philosophical and 
fundamentally idealistic young man. 
Those who have read Singer's autobio- 
graphical 4 Young Man in Search of 
e will find many of the same charac- 
Shosha. Those who have read his 
Enemies, a Love Story will find the same 
quest for the meaning of the Jewish ex- 
perience. In Singers marvelous collec- 
tion of short stories 4 Crown of Feathers, 
one will find the same questions asked. If 
you've never read Singer, read Shosha 
and you'll "get it," as they say in est. 

. 

Early in Elia Kazan’s new novel, one 
of the minor characters remarks off- 
handedly that he feels as if he's ° 
of those corny TV daytime dr 
Probably unbeknownst to the author, 
this is one of the strongest foreshadow- 
ings in the book—Aets of Love (Knopf) is 
one of those corny TV daytime drama 
possibly even worse, since there’s no dra 
ma, just endless, pointless dialog. Kazan’s 
acters (and we use the term loosely) 


neurotic 


Singer's Shosha. 


Singer's a bit predictable, 
Humor atad pedantic, but 
both are worth reading. 


say everything that's on their minds—if 
they have to go to the toilet, they say 
so; if they can't make up their minds 
whether to have toast or eggs, they dis- 
cuss it; and so on and so forth. The 
only mystery is why Kazan persists in 
writing novels like this one when he'd. 
be much better off writing scripts for 
one of those coray TV daytime dran 
. 

America’s Humor (Oxford), by Walter 
Blair and Hamlin Hill, is subtitled 
“From Poor Richard to Doonesbury”; a 
better one would be “The History of 
Lying.” This isn't an anthology. It's lit- 
erary history aimed at the college text- 
book trade, and carries а $17.50 cover 
price to prove it. That should safely 
keep most of you away, but any of you 
out there who's sufficiently infirm to 
believe that you're funny—or, sadder, 
trying to make a living at it writing or 
performing—had better cough up. Be- 
cause Americas Humor is really a 
Handbook of Premises, Techniques & 
Snappy One-Liners.” And, as the authors 
cheerfully admit, American humor has 
been built over centuries from the grand 
traditions of theft, larceny and betrayal. 
So feel free. Early on in the 19th Cen- 
American humor was already dis- 
hed by forms of lying—the tall 
i led roarers such 
vy Crockett, the 
hoax and the put-on. In 1857, character 


Nimrod Wildfire explained, “I call cat- 
fish lawyers, ‘cause vou see they're all 
head, and their head's all mouth." Si 
mon Suggs advised, "It is good to be 
shifty in a new country," and Chicago's 
Dooley said, “Trust everyone, but 
." These days, we are so 
accustomed to the Perfect Neurotic char- 
acter developed by Benchley and Thur- 
ber (and pushed beyond frayed limits by 
Woody Allen, et al) that we forget the 
joyous primeval violence of our humor 
а century or so ago. How satisfyingly 
brutal much of it was, like the Sut Lov- 
ingood story in which his friend swal- 
lows a lizard: Helpful Sut responds by 
sending "a live mole up the other end 
of his digestive tract" From the origi- 
nal: "Here come the lizard tearin' 
out his mouth, the worst skeer'd varmint 
1 ever seed . . . for the mole had him 
fast by the tail . . . an’ that there inter- 
prisin’ lictil carth-borer hadn't a durned 
orsel of fur left onto his hide; it were 
all limed off; he looked right down slick 
an’ funny. . ..” (It'S like a strong early in- 
carnation of Jonathan Winters’ Cut Rate 
Pet Shop bit.) The book is not very good 
on contemporary humor, but if you've 
been paying attention, you don't need 
Blair and Hill to tell you about it. One 
thing you might want is a comp; 
anthology in paperback edited by Blair, 
Native Americon Humor (Chandler). 
. 

Harlan Ellison is the ranking adult 
terrible of science fiction and probably 
one of the most passionate writers 
around. He opens his new collection of 
stories, Strange Wine (Harper & Row), 
with a scathing attack on the mind- 
numbing properties of tclevision—the 
kind of unrelenting indictment that 
any intelligent reader would naturally 
agree with. But that isn’t enough. Our 
nism is the 


only cogent survival med 
exercise of intelligent fantasy, drinking 
some strange winc every so olten. So 
Ellison provides us with 15 exampl 
And they're great: One involves alliga- 
tors who have been flushed down toilets 
and live in the sewer system; another is 
about a man who undergoes death in- 
oculations. Ellison's subject matter, you 
might have guessed, is the sort of high- 
level cliché that thinking people think 
about when their minds take vacations 
Which is why we need to hear from 
Ellison from time to time, so that we 
won't think ourselves into a stupor. 


QUICK READ 
/ Dreemz (Harper & Row): 


Can a Yale Law School grad, Nixon 
speechwriter and Wall Street Journal 
columnist find happiness in Hollywood? 
Ina brilliantly funny diary, the answer 


You betcha. 


PH 


¿ Self-Service 
Display. 


Сосмайв For Two Distilling Co 
enceburg. In. and Fresno, Са. © 1978 


34 


EROTICA 


adgets that purport to enlarge the 

penis have always had one thing in 
common: They don’t work. Recently, 
one such device, developed by the Eng- 
lish sexologist Robert Chartham, Ph.D., 
has been widely advertised as having 
proved its effectiveness in a serious scien- 
tific test. The U.S. Food and Drug Ad- 
ministration, which disagrees, has, with 
the cooperation of the Customs Service, 
detained several shipments of the Char- 
tham Method; but one of our more ec- 
centric editors, Bill Helmer, managed to 
get hold of one for investigative purposes. 
Here, for what it’s worth, is his report. 

Right at the outset, I'd like to state 
that my penis, while it might not draw 
gasps in a porno movie, is by no means 
small and that I ordered the celebrated 
Chortham Method penis developer pure- 
ly in the interests of scientific research. 

I don't know what sort of machinery 
I expected for $39.95, but what I got 
was a clear plastic cylinder about the size 
of an aerosol can, one end with a kind 
of rubber gasket with the other con- 
nected to a tube with a little squeeze 
bulb. Obviously, you plug the cld pecker 
into one end and squeeze the bulb to 
draw a vacuum, meanwhile reading the 
pamphlet with instructions in four lan- 
guages. When I grinned and dangled 
this thing in front of my wife, she burst 
into laughter. “You don’t seriously mean 
to tell me you're going to stick Lucifer 
in that thing?" I told her I sure was and 
that Dr. Chartham guaranteed that it 
was perfectly safe. She looked dubious 
and asked, “You ever seen Dr. Char- 
tham’s dick?” 

That got me to thinking, and I decid- 
ed to make a trial run on the palin of 
my left hand. A little spit for sealant, a 
good pump on the squeeze bulb and that 
sucker sure enough hung on like a leech. 
Wow. And when I pulled it loose, I had 
a big glowing red spot that lasted about 
two minutes. I could well understand 
why the instructions specifically warned 
bout hooking the thing up to any de- 
с with the idea of drawing a stronger 
vacuum. You'd get a hickey on your 
dickey. But when it comes to scientific 
research, there's no room in my heart 
for fear, so my next step was to deter- 
mine exactly how much of a threat to 
my precious privy part this contraption 
actually was. So 1 fetched the vacuum 
gauge that I use for tuning the family 
van and hooked that baby up to the 
rubber bulb. Gave her a good squeeze 
and drew slightly over seven inches of 
vacuum, indicating bad valves, retarded 
spark and fair to poor mileage. What 
we needed, I could sec now, was а good 
scientific animal experiment before pro- 
ceeding to human volunteers. 

As luck would have it, I own a two- 


Our intrepid (foolhardy?) 
researcher road-tests 
a dong extender. 


year-old male Airedale named Bowser 
that weighs in at 80 pounds and must 
be one of the horniest critters on this 
planet. While partial to cowboy boots, 
he humps anything, including Henry, 
the family tomcat, and must be watched 
closely around neighborhood toddlers. I 
figured that if I could disguise the de- 
veloper so he'd be inclined to mount it, 
ole Bowser would go absolutely apeshit, 
but it was my wife who did that. She 
caught me installing the plastic cylinder 
in the posterior of her stuffed Snoopy 
dog and failed to see the humor of it. 
While things cooled off a bit, 1 con- 
fined myself to reading the instructions, 
learning, first of all, that the word penis, 
in French, German and Italian, is le 
pénis, der Penis and il pene, respectively. 
Also. I figured out that the German 
word for developer is Entwickler, which 
I think has a nice sound to it. Anyhow, 
the device is supposed to work by induc- 
ing more blood to flow into the penis, 
thereby expanding and stretching the tiny 
cavities in your yingyangs spongy 
tissue. But the real secret is the fairly 
complicated system of exercise 
presses and massages that is supposed 
to make the expansion permanent. A 
very tedious and complicated mcans of 


hot com- 


jerking off is what it sounded like, and 
Dr. Chartham concedes as much. 

The real bummer is that you have to 
do all this for at least one hour a day, 
every day without fail, for three solid 
months, or it isn't guaranteed to work. 
Jesus! I'm the guy who was too lazy to 
do 11 minutes a day of R.C.AF. exer- 
cises, and I'm supposed to pull my pud 
for 90 hours? 1 haven't done that since 
high school. Besides, my wife would get 
jealous. I'd grow hair on my palms. I'd 
end up with either a rope burn or cal- 
luses. Oh, wow. 1 just don't think old 
Lucifer could survive such a beating. 

Well, you can bet that 1 took this 
problem straight to the Playboy Advisor, 
who called Masters and Johnson, con- 
sulted his files, pulled down several thick 
volumes on sexology and anatomy, and 
finally sent me this memo: “As the 
great Barnum pointed out, there's a 
sucker born every minute. Go find one 
and let her do all the wor 

Which gave me an idea, a grand idea 
that could well provide the answer to 
Portnoys complaint—a sort of do-it- 
yourself Linda Lovelace kit. Everybody 
knows why nature provided man with a 
good right hand whose thumb and fin- 
gers can form a circle almost the exact 
circumference of his pecker. Well, why 
not equip the right hand with the plastic 
cylinder, while the left hand works the 
vacuum bulb? Sort of a male dildo. 

1 decided to conduct this little experi- 

ment in the privacy of my basement 
study and began by slightly modifying 
the penis enlarger's gasket to ensure a 
snug fit and greater skin contact. The 
existing rubber sleeve, intended to seal 
the cylinder to one's private piston, 
seemed a little loose to achieve the prop- 
er hydraulic effect, so I beefed it up 
with a couple of prophylactics with their 
ends cut off. Lubed this sucker with baby 
oil and got ready to roll. Let's sce: We 
need a little mood music on the old 
stereo (Tanya Tucker turns me 
on). Then a double Beefeater martini on 
the rocks, with an olive. Ploop! And may- 
be an cight-millimeter stag movie. Why 
not? Plus cigarettes and ashtray for after- 
ward. Now we just dim the lights a little 
and take matters in hand. Har-har. 
“Well, I must confess that this system 
doesn't provide everything one might 
hope for in a spectacular sexual experi- 
ence. The best part of it was the look 
on my wife's face when she came down 
to investigate the cause of my suspicious 
behavior. 1 was prepared for this. From 
the nearby coffee table, 1 snatched up 
the ten-inch Polish sausage I'd used for 
adjusting the Entwickler's new gasket 
ved it in the air. “Look! 
)nly two hours ago, 
this was an Oscar Mayer wiener!” 


MUSIC 


Cu Simon and James Taylor are 
the first family of pop music. With 
Paul Simon, they havê kept New York 
City on the recording map. (Everyone 
eke is part of the Southern California 
folk-rock Mafia.) The New York group of 
songwriters scems to be developing a 
common sensibility with songs that are 
id back, almost conversational. Letters 
to literate lovers. The one ellect Taylor 
has had on Carly is restraint. Boys in the 
Tres (Elektra/Asylum) is classic Carly, 
only less. The restraint is most с 
on the old Boudl Bryant hit De- 
voled to You. Carly and James sing the 
s modestly as two lovers del 
in church. The lush production 
pyrotechnics of the Richard Perry age are 
things of the past. Arif Mardin lets sim- 
plicity shine through: On the title song, 
the bass line on the guitar sustains the 
voice, where once an entire orchestra 
labored in vain. Without the clutter, it’s 
easier to tell what it is you're supposed to 
be listening for. There's a lot of gentle 
combat on this album, one lover chiding 
another for minor insecurities: “You 
don't have to prove that you're beautiful 
to strangers.” Boys is comfortable. Quie 
A good house guest. 
. 

The painting of Smokey Robinson on 
the cover of Love Breeze (Tamla) makes it 
look as if he hasn't aged a day since he 
cut Shop Around or Tracks of My Tears. 
Flattering as that may be, it’s appro- 
priate, because the album is proof that 
Smokey's musical arteries haven't even 
begun to harden. Not that he's tying 
to join the heavy-funk disco crowd; far 
from it. His songs—epitomized here by 
Madame X—are still tastetul, articulate 
essays in romance, with simple, un- 
hurried rhythms that are undiminished 
in power by the lightness of the arrange- 
ments; his g around 
the edges of his melodies, 73 
off in breathless vibrato, still caresses the 
ear like a reassuring dream. To be sure, 
there are a few new musical touches, 
such as the big.band swing sound of Love 
So Fine, or Ше allusions to fusion music 
in the phrasing of the up-tempo Why 
You Wanna See My Bad Side (the con- 
fession that Smokey has a bad side is 
news in itself); but, essentially, Love 
Breeze is a timeless statement from a 
unique performer who's been classy 
enough to withstand the ravages of time. 

б 

Hearing new concert music is like 
drinking є. You may be agre 
ably surprised, but, more often, the stuff 
is unpalatable and harsh. Well, we're 
agreeably surprised and pleased with 
John Corigliano’s Oboe Concerto and Poem in 
October (RCA), neither of which should 
be put away to age. They're good 


till sexy after all these years. 


The latest from Carly 
and Smokey; a visit 
with Seger on tour. 


Seger boasts staying power. 


enough to consume right now. The con- 
certo dates from 1975 and features Bert 
Lucarelli, a peerless oboist, and the 
American Symphony Orchestra. It's 
more like a suite than a traditional con- 
certo in that mixes different styles. 
Each of five movements, as Corigliano 
explains, is "based on a different quality 
of the instrument” seen from a theatrical 
point of view. The work develops from 
a preperformance tuning-up motif to 
a Moroccan snake-charming bit that 
dances its way to an exuberant conclu- 
sion. Midway occurs a finely written 
scherzo that sets the oboe against a trio 
(vibraphone, celeste and harp) and some 
swirling percussion. Dylan Thomas’ 


magnificent Poem in October is given a 
musical setting for tenor voice (Robert 
White) and chamber ensemble. This 
Jyrical piece, composed in 1970, is not as 
successful as the concerto, because Cori- 
gliano hasn't always meshed the neces- 
sary rhythm of the poem’s delivery with 
his musical requirements. But the setting 
is lush without being saccharine, and it 
almost does justice to Thomas’ own 
grand verbal music. Old wine in new 
bottes, you might say, and it isn't half 
bad. 


. 
Nothing personal, Helen, but isn't 
music supposed to be sexy? Isn't it sup- 
posed to come and put its hot tongue all 
over your body? Well, frankly, most of 
your new record, We'll Sing in the Sunshine 
(Capitol), sounds like a husky, two-pack- 
aday discoStyrofoam wet dream. No 
shit, Even when you're telling us you're 
coming ("Ready or not, Im coming’ 
it only sounds like a 1000-channel robot 
studio mock-up of a song. About as 
sincere and full of feeling as Directory 
Assistance with strings. Little credibi 
gap there, Miss Reddy. And the boogi 
woogie grope at that old Beatles tune, 
One After 909, comcs off I 
a bit rigid, certainly not the sort of thing 
you'd want going on in your bed. Had 
enough? Are you going to quit? Better: 
Next time, we give you fwo paragraphs. 
. 

Daryl Hall and John Oates have been 
dry-humping the nation for just about 
long enough with their Starsky-and- 
Hutch pseudo-Negro sterility jingles. 
Let's face it, FM radio itself, which 
played Sara Smile only 14 sextillion 
times, revealed that song's true lack of 
depth. Now, on a live album, Livetime 
(RCA)—no excuses for soul death in 
front of all those sticky-pantied teenaged 
chicks, rightz—the truth is out. Hall and. 
Oates are still dead. They do an cight- 
minute version of Sara Smile, 480 sec- 
awing unlyrical spang alang 
Ersatz canned supersoul, over- 
ranged and mot very well hung but 
with technical chops up the wahzoo. 
astic 128th-note sleight of hand. Elec- 
tric vibro-falsetto, imitation hots for ya, 
babe. If you listen to the record very 
closely, it can depress the hell out of you. 

. 

She stood there bright as the sun on 

that California coast 

He was a Midwestern boy on his 

own 

She looked at him with those soft 

eyes so innocent and blue 

He knew right then he was too far 

[rom home. . 


Bob Seger is rapidly turning into one 
of the best rock songwriters ever. Those 


PLAYBOY 


36 


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lines begin Hollywood Nights, the first 
track on his first album since Night 
Moves, which gave so many of us those 
old elusive chills that we made it into 
platinum-plus. Seger is 32 years old and 


has been on the road half his life. But 
unlike such peers as The Rolling Stones 


stride, getting his wind, a true long- 
distance runner stretch 
the Stones put out a son-ofsham disco 
single that can make grown rockers 
weep for what they have lost, and while 
Dylan constructs elaborate four-hour 
filmed pyramids in memory of him: 
Seger is coming, The new album, Stran- 
ger in Town (Capitol), may not be the 
all-cut killer that Night Moves was, but 
postplatinum jitters are common, and 
Stranger in Town is still one of the sea- 
son's best. Those of you who've been 
buried in Bolivia and don't know Seger's 
stuff might do better to pass temporarily 
on the new album and start with the 
double Live Bullet, or his own favorite, 
Beautiful Loser. The live album is quin- 
He's at his best not in а 
studio but in front of 10000 cheering 
lans—in this case, a loving hometown 


way. So long has he been on the road, 
and such are h 
has cleaned rock down to its shining 
bone essentials. Bach concerti with elec- 
tic guitars instead of cellos—that pure, 
anyway. And there was not a clinker in 
the show, from Nutbush City Limits 
to Rock and Roll Never Forgets to Trav- 
elin' Man to Beautiful Loser, with a slid- 
ing change into the last so breath-taking 
it brings on those chills. On this occasion, 
he wasn't trying for the vocal leaps he 


but the ghost of Otis Redding still lurks 
in his voice... . J As he sat at the p 
ging a new ballad about trying to 
ng in with a woman for years but 
finally and sadly giving up, he briefly 
lost most of his young audience, who 
were there to boogie and | 
around long enough to feel tha 
yet. Then it was The Fire Down Below, 
Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Man and Katmandu, 
with Night Moves for 


10 


encore... 


Out past the cornfields where the 
woods got heavy 

Out in the back seat of my '60 
Chevy 

Workin’ on mysteries without any 
clues 

Workin’ on our night moves. ... 


Stan 


ing near me on a single folding 
two young u clung togeth- 
each othe 


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PLAYBOY 


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Ч 


was lost somewhere Баск іп my own '60 
суу, holding a girl long gone from 
me now. ... 

Which is why I'd wanted to interview 
Seger for quite a while: If you grew up 
in the Midwest, he takes you places 
you've been. And he's someone who's 
made it and stayed—which is also rare. 
We talked after the show in his hotel 
room. One thing I found out carly is 
that he’s half in love with a computer. 
Га asked what attracted him to L.A. to 
record and got back a burst of enthusi- 
asm about a new mixing board. If you've 
never been in a studio, much of this at 
first will sound like Beginning Martian, 
but it’s an aspect of rock ’n’ roll that 
occupies considerable thought and 
time—and we quickly revert to English. 
SEGER: It's a computerized mixing board, 
24-track. It’s really a neat board. It's 
got EQs that—on most boards they're 
like db, litle registers—and its got 

n infi EQ register. I mean, you 
can split dbs. They're totally infinite 
far as EOs. It’s, of course, compute 
ized, which is beautiful, because w 
you do is set up the mix and you m 
it once. And you step back and it mixes 
itself. 

(1 should maybe mention that this so 
far sounded like Reddy Kilowatt Meets 
Julia Child to me, but, like a good inte 
viewer, I kept smiling and nodding ab- 
solute comprehension.) 

SEG cach time you p 


у it back, 


you can turn off the computer on any 


one of 24 tracks. 
like that mix, and I think I hear a little 
more guitar, So you just punk with the 
guitar track and everything else moves 
by itself. Instead. of moving everything 
around every time, which you do when 
you manually mix, you get to listen 
more, It saves a lot of time in that re- 
spect. Plus, you write down all your EQ 
settings. So if you go back two weeks 
later—you put in a little card, that's 
how it works, there's a card that goes in 
there, and you just stick the card back 
into the machine and everything goes 
right back. It’s like you stopped five 
seconds ago and you're starting agai 
And for that, its just fabulous. Because 
lots of times when you mix, it may 
a real early mix that you like. Each mi 
is remembered on the computer, you 
see. So say you've mixed four hours long- 
er really than you should've, right? You 
really went in the wrong direction. You 
can't go back when you manually mix. 
You've got to start over completely, 
right? And with the computer you say, 
well, screw that four hours, let's go back 
to the first two hours, or whatever. You 
can only do that with a computer. It’s 
marvelous, it's great. 

pLayboy: Do you enjoy the production 
end of the business? 
secer: I hale it! (Laughs) Because I 
don't have the technical background, 
really. But every time I've worked with 


And say, well, I 


IF YOU'VE GOT IT TOGETHER, 
WE'VE GOT IT TOGETHER. 


When you reach the point where 
simplicity and function mean more 
to you than impressive gadgetry, 
youre probably ready for compo- 
nent stereo without components. 

Centrex stereo. By Pioneer. 

The KH-7766 model shown 
here delivers a very component- 
like minimum RMS output power 
of 12 watts per channel into 8 


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All that. Plus an FM capture 
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loudness. An automatic record 
changer with moving-magnet 
cartridge. A cassette deck with 
wow and flutter less than 0.15%. 

Ata price less than that of 
many leading component systems. 

Soif your Pioneer dealer is 
lucky enough to have Centrex 
music systems in stock, be quick 
enough to grab one. 

“Take it home. 

Plug it in. 

And while it may not look like 
the biggest thing in the room, it'll 
certainly sound like it. 


CENTREX 
by PIONEER 


39 


PLAYBOY 


40 


producers, it seems all they ever want to 
do—and rightly so, because they have 
their track records to think of—is m: 
“hit records" (Affecting crass growl) 
agent voice) "Well, let's cut that out, 
and let's put girl singers here, and. . . ." 
You know. Anything to make it comme: 
cial. And sometimes you just don't need 
all that stuff. Sometimes the songs don't 
call for it. One thing 1 can't stand is 
overproduction. 

PLaynoy: One thing that interested us 
was that the audience tonight was very 
young. It’s a new audience that you've 
gotten in the past few years, isn't it? 
SEGER: Oh, yeah. Absolutely. 

Yuov: We expected. more old Farts 
such as ourself, who listened to rock 
n' roll and never forgot. . . . 
SEGER: In some cities, we do get a lot 
of people 25, 30, 35 years old. Most of 
our shows are sit-down shows, so they're 
not alraid to come. 

PLAYBOY: Yeah, the Stadium scares off a 
lot of people. It’s like, oh, dear, Um 
gonna be robbed and mugged and have 
toilet paper thrown at me... - 
SEGER: And get a Frisbee in the head 
PLAYBOY: Have any nearlethal missiles 
ever hit you? 

secer: No, we're pretty lucky. Most of 
our crowds are pretty tame. We don't 
that sort of thing, so it docsn't 


encourag 
happen. 
pıaysoy: Did the huge success of Night 


Moves make you feel pressured about 
what to put on the new album? 

secer: Sure. It's а natural reaction. It 
takes a while for that follow-up. Primari 
ly, I decided absolutely that it wouldn't 
be a carbon сору. There aren't any songs 
like the hits of Night Moves—or the 
misses. It's a totally different album. 
PLAYBOY: Were you as happy about 
Night Moves as the public was? Do you 
think it was significantly better than your 
earlier work? 
secer: Yeah. I do think it was. L think 
I've been writing a lot better since the 
Beautiful Loser LP. 

PLAYBOY: Do you have any sense of what 
the click was, what happened? 

secer: I stopped playing lead guitar. 
I just became front singer on the Beau- 
tiful Loser album. And it gave me tons 
of time, not having to buy guitars and 
amps, keeping them in tune, and so on. 
It just opened all sorts of different 
worlds. I began to write on piano a lot 
more and to write om acoustic gu 
When I was playing lead guitar, I tend 
ed to write everything around riffs and 


т 


Iw ed as to what J wrote, Now 
I write songs in all different shapes and 
fashions. 


PLAYBOY: If you were no longer allowed 
to be a rock "n' roller, what do you think 
you'd be doing? 

SEGER: I have no ide: 
rLiyBOY: Didn't you ever ha 


desire to do anything else? 
secer: Sports, when I was a kid. Lor 
distance running. I wasn't good enough 
lor football or fast enough for track. I 
was in cross-country in high school, ran 
the two-mile, four-mile. "That was fun. 
But I started smoking when I was 16 and 
that nixed that. That was right when I 
started pl music. (Laughs) 

pLaynoy: How did your parents react u 
your becoming a rock 'n’ roller early о 
secer: They didn't like it too much, be- 


cause my was a musician. Dance 
band, a Forties big band 

: What instrument? 

He played woodwinds, And he 


also played a little piano and 
his main axes were sax and clarinet. 
PLAYBOY: So he'd been therc. 

secer: Yeah, he had been there. Matter 
of fact, he'd been there for like 20 years 
on weekends. He worked at Ford duri 
the week as a first-aid man. He had three 
years of medical school, but he didn’t 
really have it to be a doctor, he just 
didn’t want to go all that way. He liked 
playing. He played one or two nights a 
week for ) years. My mom didn't 
dig it, because they had to spend a lot of 
time in clubs. That's why she didn't 
want that for me. And he sort of r 
tried to make it and didn’t; so she just 


itar, but 


рош 


me and stuff . 
do it, they became fans. My d 


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68, but he saw me make the first hit; he 
saw Gamblin’ Man. He was very proud 
My mom now is a real big fan 
What do you think you'll be 
doing when you're 402 
secer: I'l probably be producing rec- 
ords. I'd like to have some connection 
with music—maybe just be a writcr. I 
don't think I'll be performing. I don't 
think ТЇЇ last like Chuck [Berry]. Chuck's 
so good, he’s so good... . 
PLAYBOY: You still seem to get off on 
performing. 
secer: The popularity is going to wane. 
It always does. And I think if it docs, 
1 might be real happy doing a blues 
thing—you know, with a little bit of 
rock but not as intense, amd playing 
guitar. Because I still love to play guitar. 
Having a band. like Freddie, or Albert, 
when I'm 40. Still play for young people, 
but not quite so crazy or so big. 1 think 
that would be a killer. —pavip STANDISH 
. 

Someone else right in there аз one of 
the best songwriters and si around 
is Russell Smith of the Amazing Rhythm 
Aces. But fine as the Rhythm Aces are, 
they don't seem to sell very many rec- 
ords. Which may be why they're having 
internal problems—“Byrd” Burton, their 
longtime producer and lead guitarist, 
has quit. And Burning the 
(ABC), their latest album, sounds as if 
chunks of it were recorded deep in the 


PLAYBOY: 


Ballroom Down 


B. B. King / Midnight Believer (ABC): A 
soulful, moody album that eschews B.B.'s 
usual 12-bar blues in favor of other, 
more contemporary forms. 

Mtume / Kiss This World Goodbye (Epic): 
When Miles went funky, percussionist 
Mtume guitarist Reggie Lucas 


dumps. But it’s a tribute to how good 
the Aces are that several cuts stand out 
and shine brightly. More regularly and 
convincingly than Seger, who's in top 
form doing cheery rockers, Smith writes 
about the pain of breaking up old acts, 
finding new ones that deceive or 


and 


last. 4 Jackass Gets His Oats (co-wri helped him along: but their own music, 
with frequent collaborator and Aces as presented here, is closer to Bootsy 
piano player James H. Brown, Jr.) starts, — Collins than to Miles's. 


She wouldn't make two mouthfuls of 
sandwich meat/Looked like the kind of 
girl who'd drink more than she'd cat/ 
Still and all, her legs were long /Guess I'd 
better slide on over and see what's goin’ 
on 

except when they leave, up pops her 


Aretha / Almighty Fire (Atlantic): Curtis 
Mayfield wrote the tunes and provided 
the settings, which are elaborate—but 
not as big as Aretha's voice. Or heart 
George Duke / Don't Let Go (Epic) 
music that’s pleasing to the 
doesn't stick in the memory. 


d barroom romance blooms 


lover from an alley, and our hero leaves 
the song running, thinking at the end, 
I hope I'm out of range. The most am- 
bitious cut, Burning the Ballroom Down, 
uses the image of a ballroom as a meta- 
phor for marriage, and it works; not a 
shred of pretentiousness. And Della’s 
Long Brown Hair should be a minor clas- 
sic—who writes good love songs to brown 
hair? There are some dead spots on this 


album, but we recommend it, anyway: 
Support your local Rhythm Aces. 
SHORT CUTS 
Dovid Johansen (Blue Sky): Straight- 


ahead rock, with little musical sophisti- 
cation but incredible energy. Who said 
the Neanderthals were extinct? 


Stanley Clarke / Modem Man (Nemperor): 
Under the delusion that his composing 
and producing talents are on a par with 
his performing abilities, the superlative 
bassist has come up with a lemon. 

Caesar Fraxier / Another Life (Westbound): 
Mainstream R&B tunes, solidly arranged 
and delivered with conviction. 

Roy Buchanan / You're Not Alone (Atlantic): 
Back-lit by wendy close-encounter segues, 
one of rock's Olympic guitarists docs 
some fancy skating over thin material. 

Johnny Mclaughlin / Electric Guitarist (Co. 
lumbia) Hotter and more thoughtful 
licks from 
whose brain is truly out there on An- 
dromeda—come home again, plugged in 
for the first time in three years. 


the Mahavishnu—part ої 


Annoying Groin Irritations. 


Al 


42 


MOVIES 


rd drugs—a couple of kilos or so of 
pure heroin—are the motivating fac 
tor of Who'll Stop the Rain? (adapted by 
Robert Stone and Judith Rascoe from 
Stone's novel Dog Soldiers). Back in 1971, 
a weak and demoralized war correspond- 
ent (Michael Moriarty) persuades a for- 
mer Marine Corps buddy (Nick Nolte) 
to smuggle the stuff home from Vietnam 
by ship. for delivery to his unsuspecting 
wife (Tuesday Weld). None of the three 
knows that they have been set up for a 
corrupt Government agent (Anthon 
Zerbe) and a pair ol sadistic thugs, who 
won't stop at kidnaping, mayhem or 
murder to lay their hands on the stash. 
Despite an undercurrent of moral out- 
rage—more or les a residue of the 
book's metaphorical hint that а useless 
war cam turn everyone's values inside 
out—Rain is essentially a chase movie, 
pure and simple. The dramatic climax 
n a desert hideaway in New Mexi 
site of an old commune where Sixties 
flower people used to turn on and tune 
in to rock music, seems such obvious 
symbolism that you may marvel, as I 
did, at the awesome ingenuousness of 
moviemakers. Why there, of all places? 
Because the setting looks great. Because 
it says something. Moriarty, Weld and 
Nolte (still a rather stolid sex symbol 
since his Rich Man, Poor Man reputa- 
tion sent him flipping into The Deep) 
are all capable actors, stymied by the 
fact that there's someth ically 

iclimactic about drug-culture charac 


o, 


ters who get glazed on happy dust to 
float 


through every crisis. Weld and 
cast as lovers on the lam—the 
ber Ida Lupino and Bogart 
used to do—but they seem so ied out 
and detached that it's not easy to know 
what they feel or to care а hell of a lot. 
Who'll Stop the Rain? is technically al- 
most flawless, with super photography 
by Richard H. Kline and impeccable 
direction by Karel Reisz (who made the 
memorable Saturday Night and Sunday 
Morning, as well as Morgan!). А good, ex- 
citing movie for the popcorn trade, put 
together by people whose collective cre- 
dentials promise something a little more 
important, and measurably better, than 
action melodrama that never really gets 
high. 


. 
stunt men are listed in the 
for The and they earn 
money by providing enough thrills, 
spills and fiery auto crashes to fill several 
chase movies. Ryan O'Neal plays the 
title role supercoolly, with practically no 
show of emotion and no given name. It 
always worries me a bit when characters. 
are depersonalized to such an extent 
that they are known only as The Driver, 
The Detective (Bruce Dern), The Player 


Driver, 


Weld, Nolte in Stop the Rain. 


Apair of chase movies 
and two new 
women's films from Cannes. 


O'Neal, Adjani in Driver. 


(France's winsome Isabelle Adjani, dead- 
wrong for her role as a gambling girl 
about town who will taki chance on 
just about anything). O'Neal and Dern 
face off for the film's suspenseful climax, 
after a bank job set up by the ruthless 
police officer to entrap the professional 
driver of getaway cars—a guy with no 
previous arrests and nerves of stainless 
steel. Writer-director Walter Hill, who 
made his directorial debut with Charles 
Bronson's offbeat Hard Times, has а d 

tinctive personal style. He favors the 
pokerfaced, Dragnet kind of acting. 
with low-key lighting and very little 
humor to lessen the tension. In 
somehow manages to make mode! 
Angeles, despite palm trees and splashes 
of sunshine, look like a Kalkaesque 
town where no one ever smiles. 
over-all effect is that The Driver seems 
slightly pretentious at times, more mor 
bid than entertaining, though seldom 


sluggish. You may not care about these 

nonymous people, but you won't twid- 
dle your thumbs or drum your fingers 
while waiting to sec what they do next. 


. 
“Women’s films” used to be a handy 
designation for movies about women, 


generally those in which the fair sex was 
handled with care and sudsy sympathy. 
The emergence of women film mak 
no doubt a fringe benefit of the fem- 
inist movement—has changed all that; 
and a trio of new movies indicates that 
girl talk, nowadays, is apt to be much 
sterner stuff than that of Little Women. 
Flushed with tı ph from the 
Cannes Film Festival, where it became a 
festival sleeper—such a hot ticket in the 
sidestreet. showings of movies by new 


directors that turnaway crowds literally 
fought to see it—producer-director 
Claudia Weill's Girlfriends is a warm, per- 
ceptive and disarming little movie about 


friendship, very off the cuff and New 


Yor! style. Don't expect the mil- 
lennium. I heard one carried-away dis- 
tributor at Cannes describe Girlfriends 


is "ten times better than An Unmarried 
Woman," which it isn't. The movie's 
n strength is а marvelously winni 

by Melanie Mayron, a 
rl (previously seen a 
n Car Wash) who 
all of Streisand’s pluck and resil- 
iency with none of Barbra's brass. Mel- 
anie plays a young photographer on the 
brink of success, suflering an identity 
Crisis when her best friend (Anil 
ner) chooses the security of mar 
over the uncertainties of making it on 
her own. The heroine fools around in a 
fatherdaughterly relationship with a 
rabbi (Eli Wallach), has an ofFand-on 
allair with a boy (Christopher Guest) 
who wants her to move in with him, and 
finally achieves a degree of emotional 
balance about where she's at and what 
she can reasonably expect from herself 
and other people. That's all there is to 
Girlfriends, but Mayron and Weill man- 
age to flesh out mall story with effort- 
less humor and painful truth. 


. 

Another attention grabber at Cannes 
E co-starred with Lee 
Grant in director Karen Arthur's The 


Mafu Coge ( subtitled “A Terrifying Love 


). Miss Arthur has a multimovie 
contract with Universal, though her 
stock won't rise very high on the 


merits of Mafu Gage—one of those 
murky Gothic shockers about two mad 


sisters in an old mansion, where they 
nurse Electra complexes and explore 
Tesh ism-incest amid a houseful of AL 


rican artifacts inherited from their de 
ceased father. Carol goes slightly berserk 
when her pet orangutan dies (actually, 


As rare items go, it's pretty hard to beat a 
1978 Limited Edition Porsche 924. (Espe- 
cially through corners, up twisting mountain 
roads, and down straightaways.) 

And with only a limited number scheduled 
for production, finding one may be equally 
hard. So heres what to look for, — 

They're all a rich metallic grey, with silver 
and black pinstriping. Plus special wide-rim 
alloy wheels, low profile 185/70 HR 14 radial 
tires, stabilizer bars and fog lights. 

Inside, you'll find elegant black and silver 


velour upholstery, a black leather-covered 
steering wheel, and rear stereo speakers. 

Add to all of this the usual Porsche 924 
characteristics —the comfort, the incredible 
carrying capacity and the handling that's the 
birthright of every Porsche—and you've got 
acar that'ssuretoget your heart racing. And 
the rest of you, as well. 

But you'd better hurry. Because with its 
very affordable price, the Limited Edition 
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ANNOUNCING 
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PLAYBOY 


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These boots pumped 
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After station owner 


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able to break them in. F | 

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assoon as I slipped 
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ws 
3 


LEM 


1898. Spanish Armada gets taste of Dewey. 
Deweys crew gets taste of San Miguel. 


May Ist, 1898. 
Spain controls the 
Philippines, but out 


in Manila Bay U.S. 
Navy Commodore George Dewey wants 
the Spanish ships removed. 

Soat 5:41 a.m., with the help of his able 
captain, he sends them his request. He 
says, “You may fire when ready, Gridley.’ 

The message gets through loud and 
clear. And a short time later Commodore 
Dewey becomes Admiral Dewey. 

Once ashore, his men dis- 
cover one reason the Spaniards 
were reluctant to leave. A mas- 


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terfully brewed beer called San Miguel. 
Pale Pilsner (Light), And Cerveza Negra 
(Dark). Rich, malty, with an intriguing taste. 

The men are delighted. As news of 
Dewey's triumph spreads, so — among beer 
connoisseurs — does the reputation of the 
rich tasting beer known as San Miguel. 

Now, as then, San Miguel is naturally 
brewed from the choicest hops, malt, and 
barley obtainable throughout the world. 
Still naturally carbonated. Still painstak- 
ingly aged to let the rich, natural flavors 
ripen to their full smoothness. 

Today an entire world salutes the taste. 


^ч * 
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The international beer 
with the intriguing taste. 


Wy 


she beats it to death), and she begins to 
cave new specimens to occupy Mafu's 
cage. This silliness is fathoms beneath 
Oscar winner Grant's skills as an actress, 
though Kane—all moon eyes and frizzy 
mane—somehow transforms madness in- 
to a mesmerizing one-woman show. She 
is nearly always too good for the movi 
she gets, but one of these d. she's 
desuned to ride a winner. There hasn't 
been so fey and potent a waif on the 
screen since Lillian Gish was a guppy. 
. 

1 you want to be snobbish about 
Capricorn One, there are a few lapses of 
logic in the plot that a Saturn rocket 
might comfortably pass through. For full 
enjoyment, I suggest that you suspend 
disbeliel and go along with writer-direc- 
tor Peter Hyams, who is spinning a tall, 
tall tale that might have sounded taller 
several years ago—when more of us were 
still gullible enough to think that the 
U.S. Government, like young George 
Washington, could not tell a Пе. Capri- 
corn's grabber, and it's a choice one, is a 
completely laked manned landing on 
Mars, conceived and executed at the 
highest levels of NASA and Congress by 
officials hoping to rekindle the public's 
excitement about deep space probes. Hal 
Holbrook plays the snaky, soft-spoken 
mastermind of the televised hoax, with 
O. J. Simpson, Sam Waterston and James 
Brolin (redeemed at last from the stigma 
of Gable and Lombard) as the trio of 
astronauts, innocents all, who find them- 
selves whisked away to a secret desert 
hide-out on tara firma to pass the bet- 
ter part of a year in a d charade 
Elliott Gould, as an inquisitive reporter 
who begins to smell a rat, and Brenda 
Vaccaro, as Brolin's wife—who is made 
to believe she's an astronaut’s widow: 
head a company so well endowed with 
talent that Karen Black and Telly 
Savalas are enlisted for minor comic 
roles. Capricom has breath-taking chases, 
narrow escapes, missing persons, top- 
echelon treachery. All the stult that goes 
into an edgeoltheseat crowd. pleaser 
with no loftier aim than to make us hang 
in and root for the good guys. Such 
straightforward entertainment is relaxing 
once in a while; escapists can't live for- 
ever on Star Wars. 


. 

A fleet of frail sailboats drifts out to 
sea filled with teenagers, all at the mercy 
of a great white shark that has obviously 
developed a preference for spring chick- 
еп, The monster also devours water skiers 
and virtually gobbles up a rescue heli- 
copter during Jews 2, the inevitable se- 
quel to one of the greatest box-office 
bonanzas ever. Roy Scheider is back as 
Amity Island's Sherifi Brody, the reluc- 
tant hero flanked by a loyal wife and an 
obtuse mayor (Lorraine Gary and Mur- 
ray Hamilton, both repeating their origi- 
nal roles). Leaner and more laconic, 
perhaps, Scheider—still aquiver from his 


Gould, Black in Capricorn. 


Fraud on Mars, 
a phony Carter and 
a computerized shark. 


Carter double in Cayman. 


first fishing expedition—has to keep the 
movie afloat almost singlehandedly, Jaws 
was a pop masterpiece of its kind, bril- 
liantly directed by Steven Spielberg to 
deepen cheap thrills with a real 
mystery about m - ele 
Jaws 2, under director Jeannot Szwarc 
(a replacement for John Н; 
fairly mechanical exercise in suspense, 


dependent to a large extent on an audi- 
ence's conditioned reflexes. The shark 
will probably scare the bejeezus out of 
you and rack up substantial profits, 
though this poor fish appears to be slug- 
gish and computerized. 
P 

Ed Beheler of Waco, Texas—a ringer 
for President Jimmy Carter—sits thumb- 
ing through а particu issue of 
PLAYBOY "with lust in heart” while an 
international crisis rages in The Соутоп 
Triangle. Although doubles for Henry 
Kissinger and Richard Nixon also ap- 
pear, they are not meant to stir up con- 
troversy. The satire here is pure fluff 
about buried treasure and a pirate's 
curse, which Cayman Triangle jimmics 
into its plot to explain that the mys- 
terious disappearance of some ships in 
the Caribbean can be traced back to an 
18th Century buccaneer named Dirty 
Reid. Winner of the First Feature Silver 
Venus Medallion at the 1977 Virgin 
Islands International Film Festival, Tri- 
angle was made on a shoestring by local 
talent fiom Florida and points south— 
presumably working with nothing but 
loose ends. 


Jean Rochefort, Victor Lanoux, Guy 
Bedos and Claude Brasseur, the four 
youngatheart middleaged clowns who 
made human frailty almost irresistible 
in Pardon Mon Affaire, are back for an 
encore in French director Yves Robert's 
We Will All Meet in Paradise. Thats an 
applause cue, because the sequel is at 
least as droll and juicy as the first go- 
round. Singly or together, between in- 
tramural squabbles, the quartet thrives 
on chaos. One of the men (Bedos, the 
doctor) faces his mothers death or 
dallics with a patient while another 
(Rochefort) collects evidence of his 
infidelity; the third (Brasseur) 
decides to шапу a woman who doesn't 
mind his preference for boys; and the 
fourth (Lanoux) finds himself sharing a 
kind of extramarital commune with his 
former wife, her current lover, a mis- 
tress and her ex, plus a horde of happy 
children. Roberts Paradise explores 
comic truth and pathos without strain- 
ing credibility and becomes a definitive 
essay on the middleclass male animal. 
Thank God it’s French. If these guys 
were American, they would soon be 
made the subjects of a weekly TV sitcom. 

Among other recent foreign imports, 
only a handful are worth mentioning. 
For example: 

Restless; Raquel Welch made this hot- 
blooded drama of adultery and venge- 
ance while slumming in Greece a couple 
of years ago. Her former husba 
Curtis, coproduced it—their marital split 
was at least part of the reason for the 
film’s belated arrival here—and Richard 
Johnson co-stars as а lusty stud whose 
eager loins make simple provincial 
wives . . . well, restless. Raquel plays 


43 


PLAYBOY 


44 


Rally shines deep 
because it cleans deep. 


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up even tough, oily road film as you wax. 

Space-age silicones make "Rally" 
incredibly quick and easy to use. 

And they make "Rally" every bit as 
weather-proof and detergent-proof as 
old-fashioned paste waxes. 

Test drive it. 


the passionate lady, showing off а pass- 
able Greek accent, letting out the gypsy 
in her soul and wielding an ax with 
impressive assurance. At home or 
abroad, she's something to see in a role 
that fits her like a peasant dress after 
custom alterations 

The Gentlemen Tramp: First reviewed in 
PLAYBoY's October 1976 issue, Richard 
Patterson's brilliant documentary trib- 
ute to the late Charlic Chaplin—who 
died last December 26—was not snapped 
up by commercial distributors for a 
long, long while, Now it’s out and likely 
to be the best movie in town, wherever 
you are. Look for it. 


FILM CLIPS 


High-Bollin': Independent truckers fight- 
in’ to stay free of big companies, hijack- 
ers and murderous thugs. Peter Fonda 
stars in one of his less impressive slum- 
ming expeditions into blue-collar terri 
tory. Fonda's B movies are to regular 
film what country-and-western music is 
to modern jazz. Half the dialog of High- 
Ballin’ is transmitted by C.B. radio. but 
at least two performers—Jerry Reed, as 
a good ole boy named Duke, and new- 
comer Helen Shaver, as а whiskey-voiced 
road runner named Pickup—really get 
a handle on it 

One Man: Crisply underplaycd, director 
Robin Spry's drama about à crusading 
TV newsman (Len Cariou, Broadway 
star of Cold Storage and А Little Night 
Music) is the kind of work that may fi 
nally put dian movies on the map. 
The bad guys are heads of a huge cor- 
poration that refuses, in the name of 
progress, to close a factory producing 
toxic fumes. Big business and govern- 
ment leaders—wouldn't you know;—line 
up on their side, despite the risk of brain 
damage to children. 

Go Tell the Spartans: More about Vietnam. 
(and a title derived Irom an cpitaph by 
Herodotus) with Burt Lancaster as a 
world-weary major whose military career 
was blighted way, way back, when the 
President of the U. S. caught him getting 
head from a general's wife. Lancaster 
hasn't had a feistier role in years, and the 
actors in his command (chiefly Craig 
Wasson, Jonathan Goldsmith and Marc 
Singer) fight "a sucker's war" with cor- 
rosive truth and few clichés 

Damien: Omen II: British actor Leo Mc- 
Kern plays a key role as an exorciser in 
the opening sequences of a dumb sequel 
to The Omen but receives no screen cred- 
it. Smart... or a fortunate oversight. Wil- 
liam Holden and Lee Grant aren't so 
lucky. Fully identified, they play the 
adoptive parents of the Devil's sou (Jon- 
athan Scott-Taylor), who grows into a 
smug teenager, enters military school and. 
casually starts bumping off anyone who 
gets in his way. Evidence mounts that 
Satan already has a solid foothold in the 
film industry. 

— REVIEWS BY BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


1947, 
The MG-IC. 


1970. 
The 240Z. 


If not this time, when? 


The MG-TC in 1947. Tweed caps and 
stringback gloves. The 'Vette in 1953. 
Easing into the drive-in with the top 
laid back. The 240-Z in 1970. Makin’ 
it down to Malibu at 6,500 on the tach. 
Those were cars that made you feel 
different about driving. They don’t 
come along very often. But now there's 
the 1979 Mazda RX-7. 

It's performance: 0 to 50 in 6.3 sec- 
onds with the smooth power of Mazda's 
latest rotary engine. Surefooted 
handling with the impeccable balance 
of a front mid-engine design. 

Yet the RX-7 is civilized, with stan- 
dard features like AM/FM stereo with 
power antenna. Quartz clock. Electric 
rear window defroster and side window 
demisters. Tinted glass. Full instru- 


mentation, including a combination 
tach and voltmeter. The GS-Model 
shown here adds things like speed] 
wider tires, electric remote hatch re- 
lease, windshield sunshade band, rear 
stabilizer and more. 

For once in your life, do what you 
really want to do. How often do you 
get a chance to own a car you'll 
remember for the rest of your life? 


WARRANTY Mazda warrants that the 
basic engine block and its internal 
parts will be free of defects with normal 
use and prescribed maintenance for 

3 years or 50,000 miles, whichever 
comes first, or Mazda will fix it free. 
This transferable limited warranty 

is free on all new rotary-engine Mazda 
RX-75 sold and serviced in the United 
States and Canada. 


From 56,395" 


GS-Model shown: $6,995* 


The car youve 
been waiting for 
is waiting for you. 


*POE price for S-Model: $6,395. For GS-Model shown: $6,995. (Slightly higher in California.) Taxes, license, freight and optional equipment are extra. 
(Wide alloy wheels shown above $250 extra.) Mazda's rotary engine licensed by NSU-WANKEL. 


46 


+x COMING ATTRACTIONS > 


pot GOSSIP: Cartoon shorts will be re- 
І turning to the big screen soon. Set for 
production at Warner Bros. are animat- 
са shorts featuring Bugs Bunny, Daffy 
Duck, Wile E. Coyote, Porky Pig, Ri 
Runner and Duck Dodgers. Steven Spiel 
berg has voluntecred to write a script 
for the new Duck Dodgers episode. . . . 
Director Hal Ashby has signed to direct 
Being There, from Jerzy Kosinski’s novel. 
He'll do it before The Hawkline Mon- 
ster. . . . Fresh off the Irving Wolloce 
family assembly line is The People’s 
Almanac #2, due out in October, with 


Ashby 


all new material. . . . Screenwriter Robert 
(Chinatown) Towne will make his direc 
torial debut with Greystoke, the real 
story behind the Tarzan legend, from 
his own script. . . . Peter (North Dallas 
Forty) Gent, the ex-Dallas Cowboy 
turned author, has written a new novel, 
set for September pub. Texas Celebrity 
Turkey Trol is a humorous look at a 
football star's plunge from fame to in- 
stant oblivion. . . . ТУ personality Gerold 
Ford won't go on the air for NBC 
again until 1979, when his book comcs 
out. The subject of the TV spot will be 
his pardon of Nixen and reaction to Wa- 
tergate. .. . Keir Dulles and Bud Cort will 
star in NBC's TV movie of Aldous Hux- 
leys Brave New World, set for next sea- 
son. Gloria Emerson has embarked on 
a new book project for Simon & Schu- 
ster—she'll interview men on maleness 
in America... . And guess what CBS 
has in the works—a two-hour TV movie 
called The Freddie Prinze Story. RAP. 
. 

TODAY AN OSCAR, TOMORROW A GRAMMY? 
If Dione Keaton ever finds time between 
film roles to record that album she's been 
talking about doing, it ought to be a 


Bugs Bunny 


Dylon 


winner. So far, Bob Dylon, Tom Waits and 
Robbie Robertson, among others, have writ- 
ten шаге for her, unsolicited. Diane 
is currently shooting а new Woedy Allen 
movie, this one a comedy, and will prob- 


Keaton 


ably follow that with the lead in the 
film version of Mery Gordon's well-received 
first novel, Final Payments. Shortly alter 
the book came out, Miss Keaton's manag- 
er purchased the film rights and, we're 
told, it's “definite if we can come up with 
the right screenplay.” The book is about 
the plight of a 30-yearold woman who 
begins life anew following the death of 
her invalid father, 


. 
BRITONS TO INVADE tunisiar The буе 
wacky Englishmen and one Yank who are 
Monty Python's Flying Circus will be landing 
on the sandy shores of Tunisia shortly to 
shoot a new flick, Monty Python's Life of 
Brian. Tunisia may ncver recover from 
the experience. “We picked Tunisia be- 
cause it's a land of sun, holidays and in- 
surgencies," says Terry Jones, the Python 
who'll be directing the epic, set in Bibli 
cal times. Once tentatively titled Brian 
of Nazareth, the film "takes place during 
Christ's lifetime, but Christ really isn't 
in it, although he does make a fleeting 
appearance. Originally," continues Jones, 


Monty Python 


“it was going to be the of Christ, but 
we didn't like that, because basically 
nonc of us had any quarrel with Ch 
So it's more about the people around 
him, sort of an interpretation of the 
Messiah, although all the characters are 
fictitious." Nonetheless, it's a somewhat 
irreverent treatment and, in Jones's 
words, “will inevitably be fairly contro- 
versial.” 


. 

IKE AND KAY: Rumors that Robert Duvall 
stormed off the set of ABC's Ike are 
untrue, according to Mel Shavelson, writer, 
director and exec producer of the up- 
i iniseri “There are always 
artistic differences when you work with 
actors as good as Duvall,” Shavelson 
says. "He never walked off the set.” 
Budgeted at a cool million, the biopic, 
which covers the war years, features Dana 
Andrews аз Generol George C. Marshall, Derren 
McGavin as Generel George S. Patten and Lee 
the controversial Kay Summersby. 
aracter playing Mamie Eisenhower 
appears in only two short scenes 
There's certainly more of Kay than 
Mamie in the film,” says Shavelson, “but 


our attitude toward the relationship be- 
tween Ike and Kay is to leave it up to 
the audience to decide what went on 
between them.” Shavelson, incidentally, 
voted for Adlai Stevenson in both elections. 


FUTURE TOFFLER: Alvin Toffler is more than 
halfway through penning The Third 
Wave, his first major work since Future 
Shock, and two  publishers—William 
Morrow and Bantam—have bought hard- 
cover and. paperback rights, respectively, 
for a “high six-figure advance." Sources 
predict that the new book will have as 
strong an impact on thinking in the 
ighties as Future Shock had on the Sev- 
enties. Morrow plans to publish it some- 
time in 1980. 


. 
DREAM: Gi 


EVERY TRUCKER'S Porent, 


author of Sheila Levine Is Dead and 


Living in New York, has written a pilot 
for CBS called 3-Way Love. “It's about a 
truck driver married to two women in 
different cities,” says Gail. “He gets into 
an accident and both wives mect over 
his bedside and they all move in togeth- 
er. But, it turns out, not only does he 
have two wives, he's got a girlfriend as 
well.” Gail is also working on a new 
novel, Nice Normal Urges, and co-writ- 
ing with tance Rennel a screenplay, “a 
romantic comedy revolving around a 
basketball player. 


. 

sequetmanta: Hollywood is cranking up 
for another round of sequels. Warner 
Bros. now wants to do three more Oh, 
God! films, cach one to star George Burns 
as the Divine Mr. G. The first of these 
will most likely co-star tily Tomlin and be 
written and directed by Lily's collabo- 
rator, Jane Wagner. Meantime, the Robert 


Travolta 


Stigwood Organization is prepping for a 
sequel to Saturday Night Fever (Sunday 
Morning Nausea?). “It's a bit sketchy 
t this point," says our source, “but we'd 
ike to reunite all the initial elements." 
Getting the Bee Gees again will be no 
problem, but there's always the chance 
that Travolta will decline. “We hope John 
will do it, but if he doesn’t, we'll just 
go ahead with another actor, the 
film maker 
ing it.” Well, ther 


‘It won't hinge on his do- 
always brother 


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thats the very reason you smoke. 


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low tar filter smoking. Just 9 mg. tar. The result: 

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What's in a name? Satisfaction, if 
the name is Camel. All the flavor and 
satisfaction that's been missing in 
your low tar cigarette. With a name 
New like Camel Lights, you know 
• , exactly what to expect. 
Camel Lights у. 
š: R Try one pack. The 
solution could be in 
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Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 
: 9 mg."tar", 0.8 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by ЕТС method. 


“I like to give oc “Why shouldn't the 
my gin and tonic th gin and tonic have 
the same advantage a first name, too?” 
he gives his martini.” 


BEEFEATER® GIN IMPORTED FROM ENGLAND 5 
BY KDBRAND N v , N ¥. 94 PRDDF 100% GRAIN NEUTRAL SPIRITS 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


Perhaps you can settle an argument 
that I am having with my mother and 
sister. They say that a woman should not 
agree to sexual intercourse every time her 
husband initiates it. They say that by 
occasionally saying no (even though you 
ing yes), you help make the 
relationship exciting. You make the se 
act more special when it does hap- 
pen. I have never been able to do th 
Even though I do not consider myself 
oyersexed, I do feel that 1 have a very 
healthy sexual appetite. I even initiate 
sex sometimes. 1 enjoy my husband and 
he enjoys me. It seems somewhat di 
honest to make excuses not to have sex— 
just for the purpose of putting off what 
you can have today for something better 
tomorrow. It couldn't be better. My 
mother and sister make the analogy to a 
constant dict of steak, which causes a man 
to lose his appetite for steak. What do you 
think?2—Mrs. B. M., Norton, Virginia. 

What we don't cat. today we'll have 
tomorrow as steak sandwiches. Tell your 
mother and sister to дий reading those 
advice columns in their local newspapers. 
The studies we've seen indicate that the 
more you have sex, the more you appre- 
ciate it and the more you do it. It's a 
vicious circle—and we love it. 


recently purchased a tape recorder 
and wish to transfer most of my favorite 
records to tape. However, time has taken 
its toll and a good number of them have 
more surface scratches than my sensitive 
ears can мапа. Is there a way to recover 
the music without the scratches?—T. L., 


S: 


Oddly enough, the United States Treas- 
ury has the answer. Take several of the 
larger-denomination bills it issues and 
use them to grease the palm of your 
local hifi salesman. He will, in turn, 
give you one of the new noise-climina- 
tor units that hook up between your 
amplifier and your tape recorder. Ever 
since it was discovered that scratches 
produce а  higher[requency (20,000- 
50,000 Hz) impulse energy than music, 
й has been possible to retard the signals 
long enough to remove them electron- 
With the current state of the 
art, it is possible to eliminate the clicks 
and pops with no audible interference 
with the music. But be prepared to pay 
between $200 and $300 for the privilege. 


ically. 


Concerning the letter to The Playboy 
Advisor (pLavuoy, April) from the gen- 
teman suffering embarrassment because 
his girl has to ask him if he has finished 
yet: Let it be known that the most dis- 
maying turn-off for the female ego is the 


H 


C 


ПЛ | 


quiet comer. Nothing inspires more in- 
dustrious attention to the subtle nuances 
of sensuous quirking and jerking than 
the thrilling reward of guttural male 


mo: 


. If you want to improve a gi 
oralsex technique, just give her a little 
audio feedback. I would not waste my 
talents on a quiet comer. I would think 
him strangely inhibited and not ready or 
receptive to the kind of open, giving sex 
that I enjoy—Miss J. G., Torrance, 
liforn 
We think the noises of lovemaking 
sound best in stereo—whatever the vol- 
ume. Indeed, the only time we forgive a 
silent partner is when her mouth is full 
or we're trying not to disturb the couple 
next to us al the movies. But perhaps 
you should give some of those strong, 
silent types a second chance—maybe they 
need more attention. Use your finger- 
nails, or maybe whips and chains. 


AA friend recently laid his hands on a 
demo copy of a new recording process. 
It was a new pressing of a record (by a 
well-known artist) that 1 happened to 
own. He put my record on, set the dials 
on his amplifier in place, then played it. 
He played the same cut on the demo 
record, with the dials in the same sct- 
tings, and it sounded louder. What's the 
secret?—B. R., Albany, New York. 

He probably uses the right washday 
products, too. Your friend has evidently 
stumbled onto one of the latest ad- 
vances in recording technology—the CBS 
DISGompuler disc-mastering system. The 
system uses а computer-operated. lathe 
to cut the vinyl masters, or originals, 


from recording tape. Records mastered 
on the new device are said to be signifi- 
cantly better in the signal-to-noise ratio, 
provide greater control of distortion and 
reduce the possibilities of mistracking. 
But the big news is that the system can 
fit more grooves into the record, increas- 
ing playing time by as much as five 
minutes, Plus, the recordings are actu- 
ally louder by from two to five deci- 
bels than those cut on conventional 
equipment. Right now, only about 
ten percent of CBS's records are being 
cut on the new system, but as soon as 
installations are complete, it will be 
used throughout its network of 50 re- 
cording studios. So now we're going to 
get louder and longer. And that, they 
tell us, is progress. 


WI, breasts are exceedingly large (38 
DD) and are rather heavy, though not 
very sensitive to light or even mode 
handling. My husband finds them visu- 
ally stimulating and likes me to hoist 
them up in a scarf or necktie tied as a 
sling from the back of my neck. He 
really gets off on slapping them to and 
fro, and [ must admit I enjoy it as much 

s he does. At times, we get very excited 
and he ends up smacking them around 
pretty hard. I feel only a pleasant sting- 
ing and no actual harsh pain, but usually 
after these rougher handlings, there are 
some fairly large bruises that appear, 
which last a few days and fade soon 
afterward. (All my life I've had a tend- 
ency to bruise easily anywhere on my 
body.) My question is this: Could the par- 
ticular bruises that result from lovemak- 
ing be a sign of actual damage?—Mrs. 
S. W., Los Angeles, Californi: 

Check with your doctor; it will be 
easier for him to check for potential 
damage in person. You don't need to tell 
him how you got the bruises, but it 
might help. Otherwise, your husband 
could get hauled in for wife beating. But 
don’t worry. Chances are you aren't do- 
ing serious damage (at least, no more 
than the athletes who are battered and 
bruised on other playing fields). When it 
comes to sex, our rule is: If it feels 
good, do it. When it comes to rough sex 
play, our rule is: If it doesn't hurt that 
much, do it, 


Having had a fantastic week in Fun 
City, I decided to stay another fantastic 
weck. Unfortunately, my hotel decided 
one week was enough and evicted me. I 
thought that once you had a reservation, 
you could stay as long as you wanted. 
What givesz—M. R., Cleveland, Ohio. 
Some hotels are a little touchy about 
guests’ making structural alterations in 


49 


PLAYBOY 


50 


Canon's P10-D. 


The portable printer 
with adding-machine 


Papertape. 


Canon's done it again. The 
PIO-D. A portable 10 digit 
printer/display that uses stan- 
dard adding machine tape. 
Which means you get clear, 
clean printing—on easily avail- 
able tape—from a calculator 
small enough to fit in a 
briefcase. 

The P10-D is only one of a 
full line of Canon calculators. 
And we make them for one 
reason. We believe we do it bet- 
ter than anyone else. Not in 
sheer number or variety but in 
terms of quality, reliability and 
performance. And it's from. 
this philosophy that weve 
developed the P10-D: a feature- 
packed, light-weight (24 ozs.) 
calculator that operates on 
either AC or with its own built-in 

rechargeable batteries. 


And the Canon P10-D also 
features: a versatile memory, 
item counter, decimal point 
selection including add-mode, 
percentage key, automatic 
constant, buffered keyboard 
and more. 

All this for $92.95 (with 
charger) manufacturer's sug- 
gested list price. A compact 
printer/display that uses stan 
dard plain paper tape. That's 
the P10-D. The lightweight 
champion from 


CP 12300 


Where quality is the constant factor. 


Canon 


ON 
AO k 
5+, Electronic Calculators 


their rooms, but, aside from that, there 
is no reason you should have been put 
out. Most hotels in the continental U.S. 
will honor a guest’s reservation for as 
long as he wishes to stay, even if it means 
not having a room for an incoming guest. 
Hawaii, on the other hand, is trying to 
gel a law passed to allow the eviction of 
anyone who stays beyond his previously 
stated check-out date, if the room has 
been promised to someone else. You 
might have saved yourself some trouble 
if you had let the hotel know ahead of 
time that you needed an open check-out 
dale. At the very least, you've learned 
which hotel not to go back to on your 
next trck to Gotham. 


EM; husband апа 1 recently installed a 
wonderfully sensuous Jacuzzi hot tub in 
our back yard. It certainly has trans- 
formed our sex lives, as well as those of 
our neighbors. Our back yard is now the 
"in" spot in the area. I have one con- 
cern, though: 1 recall reading that air 
forced into the vagina could cause an 
embolism. One of my favorite pastimes 
in the Jacuzzi consists of letting the water 
jet caress my clitoris—to the point of 
orgasm and beyond. The water jet is part 
water and part air. The bubbles contrib- 
ute to the erotic massage. Should I cease 
this titillating turn-on, or should I per- 
haps limit my geyser to just gushing wa- 
ter?—Mrs. M. M., Seattle, Washington 
Dear next of kin: Just kidding, folks. 
Tt is true that forcing air into the vagina 
can be fatal, especially during pregnancy 
or menstruation. Even in those circum- 
stances, the chances ате slight that the 
water jet in the Jacuzzi could build up 
enough pressure to do you in. As long as 
you don’t impale yourself on the jet, you 
should be safe. So enjoy the bubbly. 


МУ... 1 concluded a driving vacation 
through Europe recently, 1 was surprised 
to find that the bill for my rental car 
was far more than it would have been in 
the United States. Naturally, it was use- 
less to complain. But, just for my own 
satisfaction, I need to know if the costs 
are that much higher or whether 1 was 
taken.—P. D., New York, New York. 

A lot of things are different over there. 
They speak funny languages and where 
they don’t, they drive on the wrong side 
of the road. But you were probably a 
victim of custom, not of a con. First off, 
they figure your mileage in kilometers, 
not miles. Kilometers are shorter, as you 
probably know. Secondly, the gas rates 
can be three or four times as high as in 
the U.S. Lasily, you probably ran into 
an old friend from the States—taxes. 
They're pretty stiff in some countries 
For instance, France will add nearly 18 
percent to your bill, Sweden nearly 21 
percent. Next time, opt for an economy 
car to cut gas costs and try to get one 
with unlimited mileage. As for the taxes, 


P.O. Box 2420 

= Boulder, Colorado 80302 

f Subscribe to PLAYBOY for one 
year. Save $11.00 off $25.00 yearly 
single-copy price. Save even more— 
$42 00-on a three-year subscription. 


O 1 year $14 (Save $11.00—a full 44% off $25.00 single-copy price.) 
Г} 3 years $33 (Save $42.00— a full 56% off $75.00 single-copy price.) 
D Bill me later. LJ Payment enclosed. 


Name. 
(please print) 


Address I — Apt 


City. — State aio = 
Rates apply to U.S., US. Poss. APOFPO addresses only. Canadian subscription rate. 1 year $15. 


FOR FASTER SERVICE 24 HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK, 
CALL TOLL-FREE 800-621-1116. 
(In Illinois, call 800-972-6727.) 7YN1 


Our lowest priced Honda 
isnt so simple. 


The Honda Civic*1200 Sedan is our lowest priced Honda? We 
hope that statement doesn’t put you off. 


We know that lots of people tend to be suspicious when they 
see the words “lowest priced” Especially when it’s a car. They 
immediately think of some stripped-down model calculated to 
snag the unwary buyer by means of a seductive price tag. 


eee 


FUEL | темі 
DH 4 
)) 


/ 
(є 


м. 
G 


"That's why we're running this ad. To let you know that, despite 
its very reasonable price, the Civic 1200 Sedan gives you such 
traditional Honda engineering refinements as transverse- 
mounted engine, front-wheel drive, rack and pinion steering, 
power-assisted dual-diagonal braking system with front discs, 
and four-wheel independent MacPherson strut suspension. 


And that's not all. The Civic 1200 Sedan abounds with standard 
features that other manufacturers might charge you extra for. 


*Nor available in Calif. and high altitude areas. Manufacturer's suggested retail price excluding freight, tax, license, title, and options. 
©1978 American Honda Motor Со., Inc. Civic 1200 is a Honda trademark. 


These include reclining bucket seats, adjustable head rests, 
wall-to-wall carpeting, opening rear-quarter windows, inside 
hood release, rear-seat ash tray, plus the instrument cluster 
shown opposite, a simple layout that nonetheless provides the 
added convenience of a trip odometer. 

Like our other two Honda cars - the Civic CVCC® and the Honda 
Accord°—the Civic 1200 doesn’t need a catalytic converter and 
runs on unleaded or money-saving regular gasoline. 

So there you have it. The Honda Civic 1200 Sedan. Because it’s 
a Honda, it's a simple car. But not so simple as its price would 
lead you to believe. 


We make it simple. 


PLAYBOY 


54 


“For 15 nights 
have been with 
Florio.Never 


once was it th 


Only Florio [S you the 15 great wines of Italy. Not just oe but Bardolino, 
Valpolicella, Orvieto, Rosato, Verdicchio, Chianti Classico, Lambrusco, Asti Spumante, 


Bp Marsala, and all the other fine wines from Northern and Southern Italy. Salute! 


there's no way to beat them. Some things 
aye the same the world round. 


Shortly after my husband and I were 
married, I discovered that he derived 
great pleasure from reading pornograph- 
ic literature, viewing erotic films and 
masturbating. It was probably the most 
devastating feeling I have ever had. 1 
was naive enough to believe that 1 was 
his only sexual outlet. This practice has 
continued over the years, even though 
we have had a good sex life. Somehow, 
I feel as though I have been robbed of a 
great deal of sex. Now that we are older 
and my husband is no longer quite as 
virile as he used to be, it makes me very 
sad (and not a little bitter) to think of 
all the sex I missed as a result of his 
actions. What would you recommend to 
someone in my situation?—Mrs. №. W., 
Chicago, Illinois. 

Sex is not a limited commodity. It is 
not something that should be pul into a 
joint checking account, with both part 
ners having to cosign bed checks. Your 
husband did not steal anything from you 
by masturbating—he was merely dealing 
with his own sex drive in an acceptable 
adult fashion. According to Morton 
Hunt, author of “Sexual Behavior in the 
1970s," 72 percent of husbands and 68 
percent of wives masturbate with some 
regularity. The change in your husband's 
virility is not the result of masturba- 


= The First 
Speaker System 
Thoroughly Engineered to Sound Right 
In a Car. 


Advent, maker of this country’s 
most popular and imitated home 
speaker, has developed the first 


The Advent EQ-1 Powered, 
Equalized Car Speaker System. 


speaker system fully designed to 
sound best under car listening 
conditions. The Advent EQ-1 sys- 
tem consists of a stereo pair of 
6x9" dual-cone speakers with 
built-in power amplifiers that are 
frequency-equalized to produce 
balanced sound inside a car. They 
connect to any car stereo config- 
uration, and, for $180*, give you 
the kind of sound you’ve never 
heard before on the road. 

For more information, and a 
list of Advent dealers, please send 
in this ad. 


Name. 

Address. 

City. 

State = Zip 


Suggested price, subject to change without 
notice. 


Advent Corporation 
195 Albany Street, Cambridge, Massachusetts 02139 


lion—it comes as a natural resull of the 
aging process. As males grow older, it 
takes longer for them to become erect 
and longer for them to ejaculate. They 
are still capable of getting it up and 
getting it on. If you want more sex, the 
responsibility is yours. Make up for lost 
time, kid. The alternative is divorce, 
and we've never heard of anyone naming 
Mary Fist as corespondent. 


Ham sorely pissed. In an effort to please 
my new girlfriend, who admits she pre- 
fers muscular men, 1 have undertaken 
the monumental task of transforming my 
150-pound, 6'2” body into a hunk of 
sculpted, rippling ‘steel. For three 
months, I have worked out with weights 
for 90 minutes a dav, six days a week. 
The first two weeks, I gained about 
three pounds, then I lost them the fol- 
lowing two weeks. My weight is now 
down to 146, I'm tired all the time and 
the only benefit 1 can see is that the next 
time my old lady says something snide 
about how scrawny I am, I will be strong 
enoush to punch her out. What am I 
K., Muscle § 


Alabama. 

From what you've told us, everything. 
First, you should be on Muscle Beach 
rather than in Muscle Shoals, which is 
better known for debilitated rock musi- 
cias than for bodybuilders. Instead of 
your current regimen, which is obviously 


killing you, try working out about one 


hour a day three to [our times a week, 
giving your body a day of rest between 
workouts. 
for a half hour on the in-between days to 
increase your endurance. Second, you 
should exercise in a way that increases 
your muscle mass as quickly as possible. 
That is accomplished by doing repeti- 
tions with weights you can comfortably 
lift 15 to 20 times. If you use very heavy 
weights you can lift only ten or fewer 
times, you will gain strength but not 
necessarily muscle mass. Of course, you 
should also sleep at least seven hours 
each night and eat a balanced dict high 
in proteins and carbohydrates. Keep in 
mind that you are probably an ecto- 
morphic body type: long fingers and 
neck, narrow wrists, small skeletal mus- 
cles. You want to look like a mesomorph 
(large bones, well-defined muscles, wide 
shoulders). Unfortunately, уои can't 
change your body type and the fact is 
that you will always have trouble gain- 
ing weight, whereas a mesomorph will 
always be muscular whether he exer- 
cises or not. The best you can do is 
improve the appearance of the body 
type you've got. Have you ever tried 
putting your fist under your arm when 
you make a muscle? It fools them every 
time. 


f hope my problem isn't unique, I just 
need to hear some calm words from an 
expert, I'm 19 years old. I've noticed 
that when I ejaculate, my semen doesn't 
spurt out in forceful gusts but, instead, 
lazily spills over and onto my beaten 
cock. This problem has plagued me for 
years, and now I'm convinced that I'm 
Not going to outgrow it, What can I do 
to change my situation?—B. P., Boston, 
Massachusetts. 

Relax. Since most lovemaking takes 
place at point-blank range, you don’t 
need a forceful ejaculation, unless you're 
planning to become a sniper. Dr. Alfred 
Kinsey found that men experience a 
wide variety of orgasmic tesponses. For 
about 20 percent of men, the climax is a 
relatively mild event. The penis does 
pulsate, but barely, and the semen drib- 
bles instead of spuris. At the other end 
of the spectrum, about five percent be- 
come frenzied, hysterical and stark-rav- 
ing bonkers. The rest of his sample fell 
somewhere in between. Is different 
strokes for different folks—the pleasure's 
the same in the end. 


All reasonable questions—from. fash- 
ion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars 
to dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette— 
will be personally answered if the writer 
includes a stamped, self-addressed en 
velope. Send all letters to The Playboy 
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michi- 
gan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. The 
most provocative, pertinent. queries will 
be presented on these pages each month. 


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THE PLAYBOY SEX POLL 


an informal survey of current sexual attitudes, behavior and insights 


At a recent Hollywood party, a soph 
ticated host gathered everyone into his 
sumptuous living room for a surprise. 
Up went an expensive painting and 
down came a great big movie screen. A 
murmur of excitement raced through the 
crowd when the projector flashed the 
title Deep Throat, It was a high-quality 
uncut version of the porn classic, which 
most of the guests had never seen. As 
the sexy story unrceled, some partygoers 
became undone. Extremely upset, that 
small contingent left quickly while 
the celluloid carnality intensified. 

After the film ended, the air- 
conditioned room was considerably 
hotter. The intellectuals launched 
into sociological analysis of what the 
movie meant, while the sybaritic fac- 
tion had other ideas. Skinny-dipping 
quickly became de rigueur, but that 
was only the start; for in the dimly lit 
waters, couples began to do more than 
just laps. On the dance floor outside, the 
grope was the new step. In a dark corner 
of the terrace, a nude woman was un- 
dressing her lover. Gradually, the talkers 
ran out of ideas and they all went home, 
leaving the field of action to those who 
filled the house with steam. 

Why had some departed immediately, 
while others had stayed? Why had some 
found the cinematic hard-core mentally 
stimulating, while others had gor uncon- 
trollably hot and bothered? Obviously, 
everyone doesn’t react the same way. We 
decided a poll about X-rated features 
would shed light on this little-understood 
subject. So we asked 100 men and 100 
women what turned them on about porn 
movies and how they thought the oppo- 
site sex reacted. Roll ‘em. 

. 


E WHAT DO YOU 
THINK TURNS А WOMAN 
ON OR OFF ABOUT PORNO- 
GRAPHIC FILMS? 


Forty percent of the men reported 
that women would say fantasy was their 
main erotic titillation: “A fuck film is a 
woman's visual vibrator. From a safe 
distance, they get off eyeballing all those 
overactive dongs ramming and slamming 
into an endless number of ripe cunts 
and asses, just like I do. Actresses who 
perform in porn flicks are totally free 
оп the screen, always knowing what to 
do with their bodies. A large number of 
the women in the audience get passion- 
ately aroused thinking about what it 


SEX AND CINEMA 


would be like to be so open sexuall 

Thirty percent of the men said porn 
for females was a bummer: “Most women 
I know tell me they get hotter reading a 
dirty book, where their mind can do its 
own sordid wandering. For them, dicks 
in the flicks are a letdown. They hate 
watching cocks and cunts make it with- 
out any tenderness, One chick told me 
she'd seen back-yard dogs do it better. 

‘Twenty-five percent of the men stated 
that women would respond that discover- 
ing new sex ideas was the source of the 
thrill: “What they all love to do is find a 
dever ribald delight they never thought 
of before so they сап copy it. Once, I 
took a nurse friend to a particularly 
weird hard-core opus. That night, she 
practiced a very kinky modus operandi 
on me. Putting a blindfold over my eyes, 
she tied me to my bed. Then taking ice 
cubes, she rubbed them all over my body, 
making my cockside harder than hell. 
Just when I couldn't take it any longer, 
she sucked me deliciously in her warm 
mouth." 

Three percent of the men told us 


women got excited by what happened 
between them and their date while they 
were watching a skin flick: “The major- 
ity of the females in your poll will prob- 
ably agree with my sweetheart, who feels 
that going to see an X epic with a date 
is what sends her into rapture. Right 
from the first kinky reel we saw together, 
she knew what to do. The next time we 
went to watch raunch, she wore her rain- 
coat, mumbling something about the 
clouds overhead, Settling into her seat, 
she completely unbuttoned her wrap and 
gave me her adorable irresistible ‘Fuck 
me, please’ smile, Boy, did she shock me. 
She had nothing else on.” 

"Two percent of the men said the porn 
theater itself would turn ladies on: “For 
just the price of the ticket, she has 
bought her way into a sexy world of 
sleaze, come stains and low life. Sitting 
in а theater dominated by men, all sport- 
ing their sereen-induccd hard-ons, no 
wonder she goes into rapid-fire hea 
all I can do to keep her from tun 
that scene into a strip show.” 

. 


e WOMEN, WHAT TURNS 
YOU ON OR OFF ABOUT PO! 
NOGRAPHIC FILMS? 


Thirty-seven percent of the women 
reported fantasy as their main crotic 
titillation: "One of my longcherished 
desires is to make it with another wom- 
an: to run my hand over а body just 
like mine, to suck tits like mine, to see 
what its like to go down on a woman. 
I've always been afraid to actually do 
it. So going to sce an occasional sex 
film—they always have at least one ‘girl 
loving girl’ scene—lets me totally im- 
merse myself in how it would feel. I so 
completely imagine that it’s me up on 
that screen that I always come without 
lifting my finger.” 

Twenty-eight percent of the women 
stated that discovering new sex ideas was 
the source of the thrill: “Once, I saw a 
picture in which a lady put her whole 
dinner all over her lover's body, starting 
at the neck and ending with dessert, 
which, of course, was whipped cream and 
other goocy-type goodies spread all over 
his penis. I got so tumed on by that, I 
went home and invited my lover to 
dinner. When he arriyed, I told him to 
get undressed and lie on the table. I 
literally had him for dinner. That was 
the first night he told me he loved me.” 

Sixteen percent of the women said 


59 


PLAYBOY 


60 


porn was a bummer: “It’s not that I'm 
self-righteous or holier than thou. It’s 
just that five dollars is too much to pay 
to see sex acts me and my guy do better 
for free while I watch us in the mirror 
over our be 

Thirteen percent of the women told 
us that what happened between them and 
r date while they were watching a 

flick was what got them excited: 
"My steady and I become very passionate 
and aroused when we watch a skin flick 
together. He immediately starts to touch 
me all over, even putting his fingers 
underneath my sweater, rubbing my nip- 
ples until they get hard. My cunt always 
twitches. He'd never do that while we 


Its 
which is fine by me, 
skirt, spread my legs and 
percent of the women found the 
porn theater itself the turn-on: “The 
theater itself felt so . I was wonder- 
fully sexually tense about what might 
happen to me in such a taboo place. The 
whole smell even had powerful eroge- 
nous overtones. By the way, the film left 
me cold. 


е WOMEN, WHAT DO YOU 
THINK TURNS A MAN ON OR 
OFF ABOUT PORNOGRAPHIC 
FILMS? 


Forty percent of the women reported 
that males would say fantasy was their 
n erotic titillation: “The man in my 
life digs watching hard-core films because 
of how they're shot. Everything becomes 
faceless and anonymous. Suddenly, the 
giant cock is his. The actress’ tantalizing 
breasts are dangling over his chest. Im 
sure the masculine majority feels the 
same way.” 

‘Thirty-three percent of the women 
stated that men would respond that dis- 
covering new sex ideas was the source of 
the thrill: “F believe you'll find that the 
largest percentage of males in your sur- 
vey like pornographic movies because it 
helps them keep up with the latest sexual 
trends. Recently, 1 let a man I see fairly 
often tic me up in some fancy way he 
wanted to try— vertically, so he was easily 
able to fuck me from the front or rear 
without undoing the rope each time he 
мей to switch. We both had a great 
time. He said he found out about it from 
the latest epic directed by Gerard 
Damiano.” 

Ten percent of the women said the 
porn theater itself would turn guys on: 
"I've gone to that kind of a picture with 
man only two times, but on each occa- 
sion, the guy paraded me down the aisle 
to some dark nook, where he immedi 
cly got me hot and heavy. I assume 
males react the same way. Personally, I 
loved it. If only I knew how to bring 


that decor into my bedroom, I'd sure 
have some life.” 

Ten percent of the women said men 
got excited by what happened between 
them and their date while they were 
watching a skin flick: “All the men I 
know go to see fuck films only 
date. What excites them is being in a 
bawdy situation watching raw fucking 
and wondering how their date is re- 
sponding. I always find myself doing 
things I would never do in any other 
movichouse. Like unbuttoning my blouse 
and telling him to fondle my tits while 1 
fondle his dong, sitting stiff between his 
legs. I'm what turns him on, not the 
naked chicks on the screen.’ 

Seven percent of the women said porn 
for males was a bummer: “The one time 
1 saw porn, 1 did because my date had 
been begging me for months to go with 
him to an adult theater. He was sure it 
was gonna be a turn-on, But after 20 
minutes of watching come shot after 
come shot, he was wired out. We left as 
quickly as we could. I quote him: "Any 
fellow male who finds that type of acti 
ity erotic would also get horny watch; 
brain surgery performed by boy scouts. 

. 


@: MEN, WHAT TURNS YOU 
ON OR OFF ABOUT PORNO- 
GRAPHIC FILMS? 


Forty-one percent of the men reported 
fantasy as their maim erotic titillation: 
“Worrying about my performance with 
girls is my real hang-up. In porn, though, 
I forget all about my problem, getting 
turned on as the superstuds score again 
and again—angling thcir stiff pricks into 
so much lovely coozes, as if they've been 
doing it all their lives, Suddenly, like 
magic, I've become one of them, I'm 
the one with all the right moves, where 
satiated adoring dames are falling madly 
at my feet.” 

‘Twenty-four percent of the men stated 
that discovering new sex ideas was the 
source of the thrill: “Just recently, my 
girlfriend and I have started really open- 
ing up in bed and telling each other 
what we nt and need. We decided 
that we'd have some more ideas if we 
went to a fuck flick. So we did, and we 
both got turned on by seeing the bond- 
age routines. Not heavy pain stuff but 
forced passivity with chains and re- 
straints. Getting off on mild S/M, our 
new routines have put the fire into our 
Jove life. And porn is still where we go 
to learn 


Sixteen percent of the men said porn 
“Dicks may come over 


was a bummer: 
and over, but sex cinema is still noth 
but a comeon. There's more razzle- 
dazzle in my own bedroom, where my 
own girlfriends are more aggressive, 
more classy and notches beyond an over- 
used erotic-flick cunt. Га jerk myself off 


in a life of celibacy before I'd let any 
porn bag put her filthy lips on me.” 

Eleven percent of the men told us that 
what happened between them and their 
date while they were watching a sl 
flick was what got them excited: “My girl 
got me excited by how she handled. the 
entire experience. She was the only 
female in the place, which made me feel 
very special. Then, as the plot got into 
the pricks probing pubes, she snuggled 
closer and closer. Before І knew she 
had leaned over. Nibbling my ear, she 
begged me to let her suck me right the 

Eight percent of the men found the 
porn theater itself the turn-on: “The 
idea that some people get busted for 
showing hard-core does a weird number 
on my head. I love the idea of tasting 
forbidden fruit. And dig going to the 
raunchiest house in town—the slimier 
the better.” 

Summary: You'll notice in looking at 
the statistics that both males and females 
gave similar answers; the percentages are 
nearly identical ch category. How- 
ever, when second guessing the opposite 
sex, neither side estimated correctly. 
Twice as many men believed that women 
would be put off by skin flicks as actually 
proved to be true. And the gals did no 
better; more fellas are put off by porn 
than was thought. 

As for the greatest titillation with 

erotic flicks, without a doubt, our poll 
shows, it's fantasy. Over and over, people 
xplained that blue movies provide a 
vicarious thrill. Mentally, they trade 
places with the larger-than-life actors 
and actresses and, just like them, per- 
form perfectly, 
The second most popular reason why 
otic cinema is such a visual aphrodisiac 
is that it r s unusual sc 
ural and the natural ones seem un- 
usual. Watching such explicit, full-color 
closeups is like a step-bystep, how-to 
demonstration, making it casier to in- 
corporate new ideas into the bedroom 
bag of trick: 

Porn is an idea whose time has com 
Almost all of our pollees wanted hard- 
core epics to be more arousing, with 
subuer plots, a higher level of camera 

nd sound techniques and better-looking 
performers, especially ones who could 
show a little feeling. Maybe the Screei 
Actors Guild should give an Oscar for 
oral sex. 

An invilation to readers: So much for 
the movies. Maybe you preferred the 
book. We are interested in the new 
wave of sex books written by women: 
The Hite Report, Our Bodies, Ourselves. 
Has feminist writing on sex changed 
your sex life? Has it changed your part- 
пег» sex 1 Send your replies to The 
Playboy Reader Sex Poll, 919 North 
Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 
60611. — HOWARD SMITH 


SEX POLL FEEDBACK 


our readers respond to sex polls past 


GOING UP 


My wife and I had a great experience 
a few months ago that I would like to 
tell you about and share with your read- 
ers. She loves to fuck in the most unlikely 
places. We have fucked in the bed of a 
pickup truck and on the front porch of 
our mobile home. We have been caught 
a few times, but that is what she likes; 
she loves to be seen fucking me. The 
last place she and I did it that was 
unusual was in an elevator. We were at 
the back of the elevator and there were 
two men standing in front of us, My 
wife pressed her back up against my 
chest and belly and she had her hands 
behind her, rubbing my cock. I knew 
what was going to happen, because she 
had caught me like this several times in 
the past. 1 patted her ass cheeks and ran 
my hands over them. She had on a short 
dress, по panties or bra, just a garter 
belt and hose. I got a hard-on and I was 
rubbing it against her ass and lightly 
kissing the back of her neck. She started 
pressing her ass into my cock and she 


still had her hands behind her also. She 


unzipped my pants and my cock fell out 
and I rubbed it over her ass. I slowly 
lifted the back of her dress and eased 
my cock up in the crack of her ass. I 
used one of my hands to take some of 
the wetness from her cunt and put it on 
her asshole and on my dick. The two 
men were looking straight ahead and I 
was just as glad they were. I finally got 
about four inches of my cock up in her 
and she moving her ass on it. I 
reached around her and clasped my 
hands together around her waist and I 
drew her back hard on my rod. My dick 
was in her, but her dress hung low 
enough that it couldn't be seen; but if 
anyone had looked at us, it would have 
been very easy to tell what was going on. 
Finally, the elevator stopped at the sec- 
ond floor and the guys got off, no one 
got on and we pressed the button and 
went back up to the seventh floor again. 
We stood by the buttons and. fucked. all 
the way to the seventh floor, and then 
we went back down and no one got on 
going or coming. I knew the elevator was 
going to stop any time and I didn't want 
to get caught, but I wanted to please her, 
so I kept fucking her. Finally, she 
moaned and said, "Oh, baby, baby, you 
did iL" We got up and I zipped my 
pants up and just in time; the elevator 
stopped and tliree people got on and we 
got off; but as we walked out, 1 saw a 
spot of cum on the floor. I looked at my 
wife and we both just smiled and walked 


out across the lobby with our arms 
around cach others waist. All in all, I 
would have to say the fuck was worth 
the chance we took and I would gladly 
do it again, It is like my daddy always 
told me; you only go round once in life, 
and if you do it right, once is going to 
be enough.—L. S., Pomona, Kansas. 


PICKUP SHTICKS 


їп response to your invitation to read- 
ers (May 1978) as to which line has 
proved best in picking up a member of 
the opposite sex, 1 offer the following. 
Always use an honest approach. For ex 
ample, "You don't smell bad for a fat 
broad." (The girl was somewhat on the 
stocky side.) The line that would be most 
eflective on me is simple: “My nine girl- 
friends and I are nymphomaniacs and 
none of us is jealous. What are you 
doing this month?"—J. G., Schaumburg, 
Illinois, 


Not to brag, honest, but no line I've 
ever used has failed, no matter how trite. 
Here's one that got extremely fast results, 
though: I was in a bar on St. 
Island with a girlfriend. We were almost 
ready to leave when one of the most ab- 
solutely gorgeous men I've ever seen 
walked in. I wanted to act fast before 
anyone else had a chance, so 1 took a felt 
pen, grabbed his hand and wrote my 
phone number on it and said, "I'm Don- 
na—call if you're interested. If not, go 
wash your hand." I left, and the phone 
was ringing when I got home five min- 
utes later. 


If anyone wants to pick me up, first of 
all he has to be decentlooking enough 
so 1 don't gag or giggle at the thought of 
making it with him; then about any 
straightforward, no-bullshit approach 
will do. Something like, “I'd love to get 
in your pants,” or “I want to lick your 
clit till you can't walk" or something to 
that effect. 1 refuse to even listen to non- 
sense lines like, “You're the most beauti- 
ful woman I've ever seen.” Directness 
turns me on, and I can't stand sneakiness 
or patronizing attitudes.—Miss D. C., 
Sheridan, Wyoming 


The best line with which to pick up a 
recently divorced woman: “Are you 
aware that if you go longer than six 
months [or pick your own time period] 
without sex, your hymen grows back and 
you have to go through that whole pain- 
ful virgin experience again?” 


nz 
They just drag you into bed.—H. W., 
Birmingham, Michigan. 


The best line I ever used to meet some- 
body was this: "I'm from the manager's 
apartment. We have a complaint that 
you're not making enough noise up 
here." Soon there was plenty of noise 
coming from that apartment. About four 
months later, we were married and we've 
becn very happy and noisy for six and a 
half years—Mrs. T. K., Stockton, Cali- 
fornia. 


In order to conjure up a good line 
when you spot someone who's appealing 
to you, it helps to notice what the person. 
is trying to put across about himself. 
You've got to notice who they are. 1 met 
my old man while working in a deli. He 
drove up in a van with racks on top and 
а MANTA WINGS sticker on the door. That 
flipped me out, right there. A hang glid- 
er, and a fox, at that. We discussed our 
mutual interest and went on from there. 
We've been flying together for two years. 
What works for me? Well, recently, I did 
have this one guy walk up to me, holding 
his arms out in front of him as if to wel 
come me back or something. ‘Chen he 
exclaimed, “There you are. 1 had a 
dream about you last night." At that, he 
took my hand very slowly and placed a 
kiss on the back of it. 1 was tickled and 
said, “Yeah? What happened?” He whis- 
pered, “Everything.” We both broke out 
in hysterics, but I kept going. If I hadn't 
had a friend at home, I might have taken 
him up.—Miss K. R., Kailua, Hawaii. 


61 


PLAYBOY 


62 


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1978 US. Pioneer El N1L07074. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


a continuing dialog on contemporary issues between playboy and its readers 


SEX AND POETRY 

Here's a new one for you. I had a 
pleasant encounter in my hotel room 
with one of the local working girls and 
on the morning after the night before. 
gone from my dresser was the $50 (for 
services rendered) and in its place was 
the following poem: 


Diaphanous cavity, through which 
does seep 

The seeds of perpetuity 

Lascivious need perfunctorily satis- 
fied 

In a microcosm of condescending 
salaciousness 

Thank you for your patronage—Lola 


What an inspiring idea: poetry after 
sex. And I say, “Whatever Lola 
wants. . 


Morgan Bartlow 
Ottawa, Ontario 
Beautiful; but what does it mean? 


OLD-CHESTNUT TIME 

"This supposedly true story wa 
me by a lawyer friend, and 1 for 
for the amusement of your courtroom 
bulls. 

А rape victim expressed embarrass- 
ment at the need to repeat in court wl 
the defendant had said to her after en- 
tering her bedroom and the judge grant- 
cd her permission to write it on a piece 
of paper that would be passed among 
the jurors. The message read, “I want 
to fuck vou!" The note made its way 
among the jurors until it reached one 
who had been nodding off during the 
tial, He blinked Ке, read it, looked at 
the young woman juror who had handed 
it to him, smiled and put it in his pocket. 

Frank Roberts 
Vienna, Virginia 

Well, we've heard that story from 
about 15 of our lawyer friends, but it’s 
so good that we'll now spread it outside 
the legal community. 


I was amused by the little story 
recited by “Bill” in the June Playboy 
Forum. His alleged prank involved spy- 
ing from the office window of his radio 
station on a copulating couple in a 
nearby building. He and the station's 
news director supposedly learned the 
couple's identity, telephoned the forni- 
cators and said, in а rumbling voice, 
“This is God. Aren't you ashamed of 
yourselves? 

My amusement stems not from the 
story but from the fact that it has been 


floating around the broadcasting business 
for at least 16 усаг». When I first heard 
this old chestnut in 1962, I was work- 
ing for a radio station in Upstate 
New York. Then it was told about a 
certain noted radio station in Pittsburgh. 
Indeed, 1 have retold the gag many times 
but never claimed the prank as my own. 
The only thing “Bill” and his news 
director are guilty of is padding their 
parts and stealing lines without credit. 
Dale Kemery 
Sacramento, California 
Apparently, we know loo many law- 
yers and not enough broadcasters. 


“Two of her roommates 
had a love affair 
with the bathroom sink.” 


THAT SINKING FEELING 
A candid ladyfriend has just told me a 
funny story about a young gal who got 
caught with her pants down, so to speak. 
The girl was a college freshman when 
she moved in with three other coeds and 


one of the subjects of conversation that 
came up frequently was masturbation. At 
the time, the girl was 17 and quite shy 
and said very little when she was teased 
about it. 

Two of her roommates had a real love 
affair with the bathroom sink. They 
would straddle it and then turn on the 


water for a little personal fun, Their 
fr 


shin 


f md considered this gross, 
but she was curious about what it felt 
like. So one day, when she was home 
alone, she apparently decided to give the 
old sink a whirl and mounted up for 
à good time. 

She later reported that it had felt 
wonderful and that she was really getting 
into it—when the sink broke off the wall 
and she went over backward onto the 
bathroom floor, The pipes were broken, 
so that she couldn't stop the water that 
was pouring out. 

As you might guess, the cover-up in- 
volved an incredible story about how 
the pipes had broken, but the landlord 
bought the tale. Either that or he de- 
cided he didn't want to ask any more 
questions. 


Don Lampson 
San Luis Obispo, California 


GOOD WORK 
Tell Tim Lohnes that the only reason 
I withheld my name from my earlier let- 
ter criticizing unliberated men was that 
I wanted to avoid too much kidding 
from my fellow construction engineers 
(The Playboy Forum, January and. May). 
But. most of them guessed that I'd writ- 
ten it, anyway, and I'm happy to say 
that they have since been proving wrong 
my original assumption that ambitious 
intelli aren't. usually 
ppreciated. I hope this is the start of a 
new trend. It's terrific! 
Thalea Anne Thomas 
San Luis Obispo, California 


and gent women 


NEW POSITION 

I'd like to make a suggestion to the 
Cleveland lady who claims she married 
two men because she couldn't decide 
between them (The Playboy Forum, 
April). When she and her “husbands” 
tire of the preferred three-way sexual 
position she describes, they should try 
this one: Each man penetrates one of 
her ears to enjoy feeling their 
touch, because they certainly won't en- 
counter any bı 


penises 


Loretta Pyrdek 
Lockport, Illinois 


63 


PLAYBOY 


JERKING OFF 

Let me put down the man who puts 
down masturbation in the May Playboy 
Forum. I can't believe his reasoning, 
which seems to fall somewhere between 
accusing masturbators of copping out of 
social relationships and denying women 
htful six inches. The way he 
describes his beliefs, it would be prefer- 
able to remain chaste or virginal or 
whatever for the romantic purpose of 
ng your greatest quality for when 
the big time and the big opportunity 
finally presents itself. What moral ar- 
rogance! 

I find it very hard to believe that any 
male still can cling to such a bullshit 
attitude toward sexual intercourse. Pure- 
ly out of Christian charity, I do hope 
that he will someday find a female who 
shares his hang-up. The two of them can 
then carn themselves a place in the 
Guinness Book of World Records. 

B. Davis 
Los Angeles, California 


TRI, TRI AGAIN 

My relatively normal brother read the 
letter from the self-professed trisexual 
in your June Playboy Forum and had me 
alarmed for a while when he said he was 
also a tri. What he meant, I found out, 
was that he would “tri” anything once. 

Cheryl А. Klatte 

ncinnati, Ohio 
Very punny, no fun intended. 


I just read the letter from the trisex 
guy- My favorite inanimate object was a 
50-horsepower motor that I knew when 
I worked in a water-treatment pl. 
bout five feet tall on its pedes 
and had both round hok d large 
open spaces as cooling vents. The holes 
were just the right size and what you'd 
do is mount it and start going in and 
out. And when that mother started up, 
it would just about blow your mind. 
Probably it was the combination of lu- 
brication and vibration that made it so 
good. You only had to be careful not to 
get your prick too near the shaft or 
you'd lose it. The motor ran at 3600 
rpm. 

Actually, I’m a quadsex: women, men, 
animals, objects—anything. But I'll 
neyer forget that big blue 50-hp baby. 

Needless to say, don't use my name. 

(Name withheld by request) 
н lowa 

Hiawatha, Iowa, is not even listed in 
our “Rand McNally Road Atlas,” but 
we're not going to quibble. 


wa 


TRUE WITCH? 

With reference to the letter “Prison 
Persecution” (The Playboy Forum, 
Juno: Mr. Schertz mi 
by stating that he 
whose religion is Satanism, The word is 
derived from the Old English wicca, 
which evolved through wittigh (male) and 


FORUM NEWSFRONT 


what’s happening in the sexual and social arenas 


GETTING TOUGH 
petrort—In their efforts to combat 
local prostitution, county and city of- 
ficials are planning to seize the auto- 
mobiles of persons cruising in search 
of hookers. The authorities believe 


they can scare off potential customers 
for prostitutes by invoking a state nui- 
sance law that has been used to pad- 
lock whorehouses and massage parlors 


and in this case would be used to 
impound cars for up to several weeks 
on the complaints of women officers 
posing as prostitutes. A city attorney 
commented, “H's really a harsh remedy 
and we're not Nazis. We'd prefer not 
to do it But if that's what we've 
got to do to keep those Johns out of 
our town, that’s what we're gonna do.” 


RAPE STUDY 

SAN FRANCISCO—M os! rapes ате pre- 
meditated rather than impulsive acis 
and are motivated less by sexual needs 
than by a desire to dominate and 
humiliate the victim. Susan C. Weeks, 
director of the Queen's Bench Founda- 
tion, told a California Medical Associa- 
tion meeting that a study of rapisis 
found that most planned their assaulls 
and usually initiated them by engaging 
the victim in casual conversation. She 
added that 96 percent of rapes studied 
involved persons of the sume race. 


BOY-BABY BIAS 
NEW York—d nationwide study of 
6800 American wives of childbearing 
age indicales that almost half would 
prefer their childyen to be male. About 
onc third seem to prefer daughters 


and only one fifth appear to want an 
equal number of children of each sex. 
The study, reported by Lolagene C. 
Coombs of the University of Michigan's 
Population Studies Center and pub- 
lished in Family Planning Perspectives, 
was designed not to measure the ex- 
pressed preference of married women 
but to determine their actual prefer- 
ences through special survey techniques. 


SELECTIVE ABORTION 

LUND, SWEDEN—A team of Swedish 
doctors has performed what it believes 
to be the world’s first successful selec- 
tive aborlion on a woman pregnant 
with twins, removing an unhealthy 
fetus without harming the other. The 
aborted fetus was determined to be 
suffering from a тате melabolic disorder. 


ANTI-ABORTION TERRORISM 

WASHINGTON, D.C—Treasury Depart- 
ment agents have begun a preliminary 
investigation into an epidemic of 
bombings, burnings and vandalism that 
has hit family-planning centers and 
abortion clinics in many U.S. cities. A 
Spokesman for the departments Bu- 
reau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms 
said that incendiary devices, including 
fire bombs, come under Federal fire- 
arms-and-explosives laws. 


SMALL VICTORY 

DES MomxEs—An lowa judge sup- 
pressed drunk-driving evidence against 
a motorist who, he ruled, was too plas- 
tered to understand and consent to a 
Breathalyzer test. When stopped by po- 
lice, the man was driving a car with 
two flat tires and he badly flunked 
every drunk test the arresting officers 
administered. But the judge held that 
he was “totally incoherent and incapa- 
ble of knowingly rendering his consent 
or refusal” to the blood-alcohol test as 
required by law. Other evidence was 
apparently strong, however, and the 
motorist ultimately pleaded guilty. 


SECOND CHANCE 

pHILADELrHtA—Surgeons at Temple 
University Hospital report that they 
have successfully reimplanted а 23-ycar- 
old man's penis and one testicle after 
he castrated himself with a broken 
bottle and knife following a breakup 
with his girlfriend. The doctors called 
the operation a definite success and said, 
“We have sensation, function and tests 
1o prove il.” 


CONTRACEPTION METHODS 

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Sterilization is 
now the most popular form of contra- 
ception in the world, says the George 
Washington University Medical Cen- 
ter. A report issued by the school's pop- 
ulation-information program states that 
about 80,000,000 couples are using vol- 
untary sterilization, 55,000,000 the pill, 
35,000,000 the condom and 15,000,000 
the intrauterine device. Another 
65,000,000 use other techniques, vang- 
ing from diaphragms to the rhythm 
method. 


REVERSE JAIL BREAK 

LA JUNTA, COLORADO—A 23-year-old 
self-professed preacher has been 
charged with second-degree burglary 
for breaking into the Otero County 
Jail. According to local authorities, the 
man was refused permission to enter 
the jail but later scaled a high chain- 
link and barbed-wire fence, broke 
through a wire-mesh window screen 
and began handing out raw hamburger 
from the jail's kitchen to prisoners. 
When one of them started a small fire 
to cook his hamburger, the smoke was 
noticed and the intruder himself ended 
up in the pokey. 


TRASH-CAN EVIDENCE 

cuicaco—Police do not need a search 
warrant to rifle a suspect's garbage, a 
U.S. Court of Appeals has ruled. In 
upholding the conviction of a Mil 
waukee man charged with stealing 
$3000 worth of coins, the court re- 
jected his argument that he had a 
“reasonable expectation of privacy” 
when he disposed of coin wrappers and 
other evidence in the trash. Calling 


thal expectation “additional bad judg- 
ment on his part,” the court said “the 
defendant could not reasonably have 


believed that the city sanitation depart- 
ment had any responsibility to help 
him dispose of the evidence of his 
crimes.” The court had a few other 
observations, including: “Garbage cans 
cannot be equated to a safe-deposit 
box” and a citizen has no grounds to 
conclude that his trash is “entitled to 
respectful, confidential and careful 
handling on the way to the dump.” 


DRUGS AND WOMEN 

WASHINGTON, D.c—Women’s depend- 
ency on prescription drugs and alcohol 
is reaching cpidemic proportions, ac- 
cording to a study conducted by Na- 
tional Research and Communications 
Associates, Inc. Among its findings: 

* Sixty percent of psychotropic, 71 
percent of antidepressant and 80 per- 
cent of amphetamine drugs are pre- 
scribed for women. 

+ Eighty percent of women alcoholics 
in one part of the study reported that 
they used other drugs as frequent- 
ly as alcohol, making multiple drug 
abuse and cross addiction a significant 
problem. 

+ Eighty percent of mood-altering 
drugs are prescribed Бу internists, 
general practitioners and obstetrician- 
gynecologists who have no training in 
psychopharmacology. 

* Many women (and up to 60 per- 
cent of the general population) who 
seek psychological assistance for depres- 
sion have drinking problems. 

Muriel Nellis, president of N.R.C.A. 
and author of the study, titled “Drugs, 
Alcohol and Women's Health,” said 
that “women tend to believe that if a 
drug is prescribed for them, it is good 
for them. They don't question the 
doctor.” 


SEARCHES AT SEA 

SAN FRANCISCO—A U. 5. district court 
judge has ruled that the Coast Guard 
cannot stop and search pleasure boats 
without cause or without a warrant. A 
Coast Guard official said that other 
court decisions had upheld the Coast 
Guard's authority to inspect any vessels 
operating in U. S. waters and indicated 
that a rehearing is pending and the 
Government probably would appeal an 
adverse ruling. 


NO VIRGINS NEED APPLY 

A survey of 125 students at the Uni- 
versity of Southern California's Depart- 
ment of Biological Sciences has found 
that only 12 percent of the men ques- 
tioned and not one of the women 
questioned would choose to marry 
someone who was sexually inexperi- 
enced. The students surveyed ranged in 
age from 18 to 22 and 82 percent of the 


males said they wanted their female 
partners to know at least as much 
about sex as they did or maybe more. 


ELECTRIC CHAIRS VS. CRUCIFIXION 

ALDANY—New York governor Hugh 
L. Carey joined an ongoing debate 
over religious teaching and the death 
penalty by ridiculing state senator 
James H. Donovan, who suggested that 
without capital punishment there 
would never have been a Christian 
faith. In a letter to a church group, 
Donovan, an ardent proponent of 


capital punishment, rhetorically asked, 


“Where would Christianity be if Jesus 
got eight to 15 years, wilh time off for 
good behavior?” At a news conference, 
Governor Carey commented, “If Sena- 
tor Donovan can get resurrection into 
the death penalty, I might be willing 
to give й a second look.” 


ITALY LEGALIZES ABORTION 

ROME—The Italian parliament has 
adopted one of Europe's most liberal 
abortion laws, despite intense opposi- 
tion from the Vatican and Haly’s ruling 
political party. The new legislation 
permits any woman over 18 to obtain 
a free and virtually elective abortion 
during the first 90 days of pregnancy 
and repeals a Fascist-era law that 
banned all abortions as a “crime against 
the purity of the race.” 


DECRIM IN NEBRASKA 

LINcoLN—Governor J. James Exon 
has signed a bill making Nebraska the 
11th state to decriminalize the posses- 
sion of a small amount of marijuana. 
Under the new law, possession of one 
ounce or less becomes a civil infraction 
carrying a mandatory $100 fine for a 
first offense, with judges authorized to 
require that a violator participate in 
a drug-education program. 


65 


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wittich (female) to the modern English 
term witch. Contrary to popular opin- 
ion, Wiccans did not and do not prac- 
tice Satanism in any form. We practice 
a pre-Christian, matriarchally structured 
and natureoriented religion distinct 
from Christianity. As such, the Judaeo- 
Christian Devil, Satan, has no meaning 
to us nor place in our pantheon. During 
the period of the witch persecutions, Sa- 
tanism was attributed to the wicca, along 
with many other implausibilities, such as 
flying on broomsticks and changing into 
cats. Use of the term witch by ne 
Satanists and other pseudo pagans is 
both erroneous and slanderous to a mi- 
nority religion that is only now emerg- 
ing from hiding, gaining recognition 
and basic rights and, in places where it 
is publicly active, a certain measure of 
public acceptance. 

John H. Neilson, Director 

International League 

of Wiccans 
Kingston, Ontario 


UNWANTED BABIES 
As a social worker in an adult penal 
system, I was interested in the letter from 
the New York man who suggested that 
perhaps we've lost 100 or 1000 thieves, 
robbers, rapists or killers for every fine 
human being lost through abortion (The 
Playboy Forum, February). I don't know 
how many times I have picked up the 
file of an inmate and seen the informa- 
tion: Mother—prostitute, Father—un- 
known. It seems to me that this, as much 
as any argument I have heard, should 
support both legalized prostitution and 
Governmencsponsored abortions. 
(Name withheld by request) 
New York, New York 


Have a glib huckster for hedonism 
ith 


peer starkly into a trash bag filled w 
slightly twitching aborted babies and 
he'll have a real test of his convictions. 
Tim Wilson 
Washington, D.C. 
How many unwanted children haue 
you adopted lately? 


"The moment a child is born, it has a 
birthright to proper medical care, pa- 
rental love, adequate housing and enough 
intellectual stimulation to give it at least 
the basic prerequisites to live a decent 
life. If a woman foresees at the time of 
conception that a child of hers would suf- 
fer the deprivation of those rights and 
decides to abort, her judgment is probably 
much better than that of the woman who 
emotionally kills a child after it is born. 

Karen Wilson 
West Middlesex, Pennsylva 

Well put, but your argument won't 
carry much weight with those who subor- 
dinate reality to theology and are dedicat- 
ed to waging a modem-day holy war. 


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PLAYBOY 


68 


PUT UP OR SHUT UP 

Tell me again, Joe from Buffalo, just 
how knowledgeable you arc about birth 
control and abortions (The Playboy 
Forum, February). Have you ever con- 
sidered that men might do their part 
toward birth control, instead of leaving 
it all up to the “stupid cunts,” who you 
say are too lazy to usc contraceptives : 
Try taking pills that make you gain 
weight beyond your control and change 
you into a snappy bitch. Or uy inseit- 
ing a cold rubber disk into your warm, 
excited areas and see what that does for 
your next romp. Or, better yet, insert a 
wire coil deep inside your body, never 
knowing when it will slip its moorings 
or pierce your gut. And if you wish to be 
permanently fixed to avoid all this rig- 
marole, are you 30 years of age, with two 
kids, so you can fi doctor who does 
not object to performing the operation? 

You shriveled cock, you really have 
nerve calling me stupid and a cunt. You 
will never experience such wondrous sen- 
sations as pregnaney and childbirth nor 
feel the mind-gnawing fear that over- 
shadows everything else—the fear of hav- 
ing an unwanted child. 


Eugene, Oregon 


PRURIENT PLATE 
Re the "Cheap Thrill" letter in the 
July Playboy Forum, noting that New 
Jersey and other states with personalized 
license plates screen out dirty words: 
Let me add that New Jersey is really 
uptight. I read in the Student Lawyer 
that that state wouldn't let a psycl 
have rimo on his plate because it was 
deemed to have a sexual connota 
John Kelly 
New York, New York 


CLARIFICATION. 

For the first time in ten years of read- 
ing PLavnoy, I must strongly disagree 
with you. In the April Playboy Forum, 
you answer a reader by As soon 
someone de Bryant her 
ke the posi- 


tion that she’s mu 
this country than those who would 
lence her. 

Do you also consider Martin Lutl 
the war protesters of the 
n B. Anthony and many others 
ts to this country because they used 
се speech to express their points of 
view? I think you have done a great 
Bryant by calling her 
ппу. 
ame withheld by request) 

Farmington, Minnesota 

We've always happy to do Anita Bry- 
ат antihomosexual campaign any dis- 
service we can, but you have our position 
backward. The only thing about Bryant 
"ll defend is her right to freely express 
her views. Hell, she was the subject of 
the “Playboy Interview” in May. 


MORALITY LAWS 

As а former resident of Massachusetts, 
ГИ bet I could easily name at least 25 
members of the legal profession, includ- 
ing a couple of judges, who would be 
entitled under state Jaw to more than 
five years in prison for unnatural, lasciv- 
icit, infamous, lustful, obscene 
sexual behavior [see Playboy Casebook, 
May]. In retrospect, I'm glad I left when 1 
did, as I might owe the Commonwealth of 
Massachusetts a bit of prison tíme myself. 

Chuck Bekos 


Milwaukee, Wisconsin 


It com something of a shock for 
me to learn that not just oral sex but 
even fornication is a crime in Massachu- 
setts. If those idiots had 
stead of Jim Hill and сопу 
counts, at five years per, I figure I'd be in 
the slammer for the next two centuries. 

(Name withheld by request) 
Boston, Massachusetts 


ır THE LORD 
JOT INTENDED 
НАРО MANTO j 
EAT PUSSY HE 
WOULDN T HAVE 
- 1. MADEIT LOO 
SOMUCH LIKI 

4 3 aco 


FOOD FOR THOUGHT 

Your May Playboy Casebook, re- 
porting the dilemma of the man in 
Massachusetts facing five years in pris- 
on for oral sex, compels me to send 
you the enclosed picture. As strange 
as Texans scem in some ways, we 
have a sense of humor. At least here 
in Austin. 


arry Hill 
Austin, Т 


Your report on the Jim Hill case ma 
the point that existing state laws pro- 
hibiting oral sex are “rarely enforced, 
except against homosexuals.” True, but 


that is no comfort to gays, who are con 
faci 


stantly prison and/or personal 

i ts of the country because 

ate, consensual sexual activities 
1 to be in violation of antique mo- 
rality laws. Hill may be an exception to 
the rule of enforcement, but the law that 
threatens him with five years in prison 
for oral sex represents a threat to any- 
one who values his or her sexual privacy 


and his or her right to make personal 
moral choices. 

Isn't it about time that 
readers understood that homosexuals 
are constantly suffering the kind of legal 
harassment. that heterosexuals encounter 
only on very rare occasions? 

Jean O'Lear 
Bruce Voeller 


PLAYBOY'S 


y Task Force 
New York 

Опе of this country’s historic prob- 
lems has been the inability of its law- 
makers to distinguish between crime and 
sin. Apparently, the trick is to maintain 

low profile and know good lawyers 
who can provide more justice than our 
legal system usually affords. 


JAWBONE OF AN ASS? 

І wonder if the writer of the letter 
titled "Gayboy" in the April Playboy 
Forum withheld his name for fear that 
some "simper might look him up 
and relocate his jaw. I suspect that that 
abusive letter was an attempt to rein- 
force his own thin veil of. masculi. 
A іше more understanding of h 
probably wouldn't hurt his chances of 
finding more women, either. 

Steven С. N 
Warren, Michigan 


BLOWING THEIR MINDS, AGAIN 
I find it interesting that the fellow 
from Indiana had his ladyfriend pretend 
that she was giving him a “highspeed 
blow job" for the benefit of their audi- 
ence of truckers (The Playboy Forum, 
June). My husband and I play this game 
regularly on the otherwise tedious drive 
between Los Angeles and Las Vegas, only 
1 sec no reason to do any pretending. It 
s the miles fly by! 
(Name withheld by request) 
š k, California 


JOB OFFER 

Like the gentleman from Shelton, 
Connecticut (The Playboy Forum, April), 
I enjoy the dubious distinction of having 
been shot at and hit in man's ultimate 
inhumanity—war. Only I got it in World 
War Two and in Korea, rather than in 
"Nam. While I collected an assortment of 
scrap metal, I didn’t suffer the disfigure- 
ment he describes of himself until 1 was 
pounded upon by a fellow American 
with a piece of pipe. For a year or so, I 
looked like something out of a low- 
budget horror film, until a plastic sur 
geon eventually managed to reconstruct 
much of my original unhandsomeness. 
But now to the point: 
that a human being 
decent life and job 
hting 


nd that we had no damn b 
getting into. If this man would con: 
relocating to the “outback” (my copies 
of PLAYBOY are delivered on alte 


ate 


Playboy Casebook 
RED LODGE: THE ORDEAL IS OVER 


the most bizarre drug case in montana’s history has 
finally come to an end—and not with a bang but a whimper 


Nearly two years ago, Montana authorities charged five 
persons with cultivating marijuana—a crime that under 
state law carries a penalty of up to life in prison. That 
ise raised the curtain on one of the longest-running 
black comedies in Montana legal history, but at last the 
show is over. The prosecution has agreed to drop charges 
inst the last two defendants—after courts long since 
freed the others on legal motions. In the end, it was a 
trade-off. The two remaining defendants also agreed to 
drop their lawsuits asking almost $7,500,000 in damages 
against the county attorney, the arresting oflicers and 
others for alleged civil rights violations. 

Simply by surviving prosecution efforts that must have 
set some kind of record for tenacity, the defendants won 
what they consider a moral victory. But, in fact, everyone 
Tost. The case badly hurt a number of people on both 
sides, financially or professionally; either directly or 
directly cost one cop his life; helped polarize a commu- 
nity into hostile social and political factions; and came 
close to bankrupting a county. 

If any good at all comes out of the case of the Red 

Lodge Five, it will be by way of bad example. No case 
yet entered by the Playboy Defense Team or supported 
by the Playboy Foundation could better illustrate the 
damage that can be caused by bad drug laws that invite 
selective and/or improper enforcement. In an editorial, 
a Carbon County newspaper supportive of the prosecu- 
tion made just that. point, if inadvertenily. Noting that 
there probably aren't any old folks growing long beards 
in the state prison just for planting pot, it scoffed at the 
ruckus the defendants were raising over the fact that they 
were technically facing life sentences. True, in that the 
law's flexibility allowed county authorities to quickly 
and mercifully dispose of two similar potgrowing 
bout the same time the Red Lodge сазе started making 
headlines. But not in those or in other cases in the state 
were the accused seized at gunpoint by a task force of 
officers from several jurisdictions, or held under high 
bonds, or subjected to two years of complicated litigation 
at great cost to the county, the defendants and their 
courtappointed attorneys, 
That is the beauty and the danger of having laws on 
the books that permit Draconian penalties for minor 
offenses and trust the discretion of local authorities. They 
can exercise their power like Solomon or like vigilantes, 
all in the name of justice; and from the way this case w 
handled from the start, the defendants had no reason to 
doubt they were facing the maximum under the law. 

To recapitulate: 

Early in 1976, Lake H 


es 


eadley, a former Las Vegas cop 
turned controversial pi nvestigator and political 
activist, moved from C a to the small Montana 
community of. Red Lodge to lay low, work on a book and 
otherwise get away from it all. He and his girllriend, 
Elizabeth Schmidt, took up residence on a ranch outside 
Red Lodge. The land was owned by a friend and former 
client, Don Wogamon, and it's still not clear whether 
the police were after Headley or after his friend, who has 
a record of arrests and who is presently facing drug 
charges in an unrelated. 

In any event, shortly after Headley arrived in Car- 
bon County, the local sheriff was supplied with highly 


е. 


accurate “intelligence” reports that made him and 
Wogamon sound like gangsters. After several months of 
surveillance but no action by local police, Headley and 
Wogamon and members of their families were arrested— 
at the insistence of outside officers, apparently led by a 
dera] narcotics agent—on charges of growing marijuana 
on a remote part of the property where Headley was 
living in a mobile home. 

What brought PLAYBov into the case was Headley's 
letter to the Playboy Delense Team claiming that he and 
the others were being railroaded by the police and the 
press and were being singled out for the kind of special 
treatment that the Montana drug law permits. One paper 
has since ret 


case, 
something out of a Thirties movie by officers who not 
only went in uninvited by the local sheriff but produced 
not even one pot plant (much less 2000). The raid did 
produce accusations from the local police chief and a 
deputy sheriff (now dead) that some evidence found by 
the raiders seemed to have been planted. 

Before the case dragged on expensively to its close, the 
prosecutor himself became the subject of rumors that 
he had wrecked the case for the out-of-town raiders by 
somehow tipping off the defendants, by leaving town 
unexpectedly, by thwarting the raiders in getting w 
rants (subsequently ruled illegal) or by intentionally 
making bad moves in court that made the other officers 
d the local sheriff appear the villains who had failed to 
cooperate or perform their duties. 

Yet the same prosecutor also has been accused of un 
fully intercepting telegrams, of exceeding his authority 
and of protracting a costly and probably futile prosecu- 
tion for personal and political reasons. 

With so many black eyes and bloody noses in the 
Montana legal community, it’s impossible now to find 
out who was telling the truth—because everybody is 
blaming everybody else for the excesses and bungling. A 
trial might have answered some questions, but probably 
not many. Whether or not Headley or his friends actually 
grew some marijuana plants was never really the issue 
The issue was whether or not the defendants could be put 
in prison for many years on such a charge. 

While pLaysoy publicized the case and the Montana 
drug law that equates the growing of marijuana with the 
selling of heroin, and thereby complicated matters for 


the local prosecution, the laws of the state remain intact. 
Billings attorney Patrick С. Pitet might have saved 
Headley and his girlfriend by means of an excellent legal 


appeal to the Montana Supreme Court, challenging the 
state drug law, as well as the tactics of the prosecution. 
But those points are now moot, and what made them so 
was the intervention of the National Organization for 
the Reform of M чап; ws. NORML commissioned 
attomey William E. Rittenberg of New Orleans to go to 
Montana and file civil rights suits. The last of the charges 
were dropped, but the Montana drug Jaw still affords 
the police a powerful weapon that can be used to perse- 
cute as well as to p 


secute. 


“The Playboy Forum” reported the Red Lodge case in 
February, July, September and December, 1977. 


69 


PLAYBOY 


70 


Sliding Sleeve™ 


©1978 Pentel of America, Ltd 


® Pentel is the registered 


trademork af Pentel Co. 


Ltd 


months by a two-legged and a four- 
legged jackass), he has a job with my 
very small construction company. If any 
of my customers don’t like his looks, 
they can take a flying fuck at a ready- 
mix-concrete truck. I ask only that my 
employees be willing to work and to 
learn and that they are two-balled men 
willing to paddle their own canoe and 
not run away when life hands them a 
lemon. 

If he's interested, all he has to do is 
take a bus to town, go to Bernie's Café 
and ask where to find that “cast-iron son 
of a bitch.” 


T. Bryan Kilpatrick 
Eldon, Missouri 


POT TESTING 

The National Organization for the 
Reform of Marijuana Laws has re- 
leased ihe names of three more labora- 
tories set up to test for paraquat 
contamination of marijuana, (Pharm 
Chem Research Foundation of Palo 
Alto, California, listed in the June 
Playboy Forum, reports that it is 
swamped with samples and is running 
several weeks behind.) 

+ Schoenfeld Laboratories (Box 
8291, Albuquerque, New Mexico 
87108. 505-277-2757) asks that persons 
anonymously submit one gram of the 
leafy material (no seeds or stems), in- 
clude a seven-digit identification num: 
ber and $7.50 to cover costs and wait 
five days before calling for results. 

+ Street — Pharmacologists (Вох 
610233, North Miami, Florida 33161, 
305-446-3585) requires one joint or 
one half gram, a five-digit identifi 
tion number and five dollars, with. 
results available in ten days. 

* Michigan Biomedical Laborato- 
ries (2776 Flushing Road, Flint, Mich- 
il 48504, 313-232-4153) for one 
joint or one half gram, а seven-digit 
number, five dollars and a wait of one 
week for results, 

A NORML spokesman has cau- 
tioned pot smokers that the parapher- 
nalia market is being flooded with 
kits that supposedly test for the pres- 
ence of the herbicide or claim to 
remove it through a washing process. 
So far, none, including a detection 
system suggested by New York health 
authorities, has been found reliable. 


POT PENALTY 

After serving three years in the Service 
without disciplinary action, 1 was hauled 
before a military court for possession of 
about eight grams of marijuana. I had 
refused to sign the search warrant with- 
out legal counsel, but the search went on 
anyway, through my dirty underwear and 
the whole works. My legal counsel later 
told me that I had had no choice. The 
counsel was a legal officer; he was not an 


attorney. There are no defense attorneys 
on this base. 

I took the blame for the possession, 
which cost me one stripe and $100. My 
roommate and a friend of his were fined 
$500 each for failing to report the use 
of marijuana. 

Any of your readers who are contem- 
plating going into the Service should be 
aware of these hassles. 

(Name withheld by request) 
FPO San Francisco, California 


BAD TRIP 
My girlfriend and I are planning to 
tour the country in my truck. Since I like 
to smoke grass, I want to take my stash 
along, What are the penalties for carry- 
ing pot in the different states? 
BAK. 
Chico, California 
For starters, we're not the “Help Line” 
in your local newspaper and it would 
take three pages of the magazine to run 
down the complicated drug laws in all 
50 states, But your question suggests only 
one answer: If you don’t know that 
possession of marijuana is generally con- 
sidered a crime, and in most states a seri- 
ous crime, you should stay home. 


DOWN MEXICO WAY 
Your report titled “Pot Laws in Other 
Lands” (The Playboy Forum, March) 
states that in Mexico, simple possession 
is not prosecuted. Bullshit! I'm sitting 
in a Mexican pen, doing eight years and 
three months for possession of 22 grams 
of weed. There area hell of a lot of other 
Americans here for even lesser offenses. 
If you are behind us on the grass issue, 
why don’t you get your news straight? 
Mexico will hang you for weed, any 
amount, complete with 17th Century 

torture and the works. 
(Name withheld by request) 

Culiacán, Mexico 

You didn't read the report very closely. 
As noted, it was based оп U.S. State 
Department information and the ex- 
planatory text states: “Until recently, 
Mexican practices ranged from nonen- 
forcement to physical torture of arrestees. 
А few months ago, the attorney general 
of Mexico announced that cases involv- 
ing the personal use of small amounts of 
drugs would no longer be prosecuted, 
but whether or not this new national 
policy is observed by local and regional 
authorities remains to be seen.” As the 
tourist people claim, Mexico is “a land 
of contrast""—often between legal theory 
and practice. 


"The Playboy Forum" offers the 
opportunity for an extended dialog 
between readers and editors of this 
publication on contemporary issues. Ad- 
dress all correspondence to The Playboy 
Forum, Playboy Building, 919 North 
Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. 


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PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: SYLVESTER STALLONE 


a candid conversation about the rocky road to stardom with the 
most stubborn, opinionated and upbeat actor-writer in hollywood 


In 1976, Sylvester Stallone burst upon 
the American movie scene like a Roman 
candle. In “Rocky,” his Cinderella saga 
about a club fighter who valiantly goes 
the distance with the champ, Stallone 
himself became a Hollywood heavy- 
weight to be reckoned with. His portrayal 
of boxer Rocky Balboa was an ener- 
gized blend of brute force and injured 
innocence that drew raves from review- 
ers—and unabashed admiration from 
millions of moviegoers. (Incidentally, be- 
fore the movie opened, Arthur Knight 
in our “Sex Stars of 1976” forecast Stal- 
lone's success.) "Rocky" became the 
sleeper hit of the decade, and although 
Stallone was denied Oscars for his screen- 
play and acting, “Rocky” went on to win 
three Academy Awards, including one 
for Best Movie of 1976. 

If there was an overriding reason for 
the film's phenomenal success, it prob- 
ably could be traced to ils hero's—and 
author's—traditional values. Stallone 
deftly turned boxing's seamy side into a 
morality play about striving, honor and 
old-fashioned romance. As such, it was a 
message the nation hadn't heard from its 
moviemakers for some time. To many, 
“Rocky” was a welcome throwback to 


“After ‘Rocky; I went through a period 
of too much too soon, and the pressures 
got to me. I was extremely foolish in that 
I directed my frustrations at the people 
I love the most—my family.” 


American movies of 30 years ago, when 
endings were always upbeat and the good 
guys seemed destined to live happily ever 
after. The film even had practical lessons 
to teach: Athletes and executives alike 
began extolling “Rocky” as a prime 
motivational tool. Stallone had obviously 
touched on yearnings deeply embedded 
in the American consciousness. 

In doing so, he became an instant 
celebrity; but there was soon trouble in 
paradise. Sly, as he's known to associates, 
was said (о have developed a terminal 
case of Hollywood ego. Last winter, the 
press somewhat gleefully reported that 
his marriage had fallen apart. In the 
spring, his pexformance in “F.1.S.T.” was 
scorned by most critics, while Stallone 
himself was reported to be at odds with 
both “F.L.S.T,'s” director and its original 
author. No one in Hollywood doubled 
that Stallone had achieved superstardom; 
the question was, could he keep it? For 
an actor who'd spent many years waiting 
in the wings for his career to take off, 
matters were clearly getting out of hand. 

Born in the Hell's Kitchen section of 
New York City on July 6, 1916, Syl- 
vester Stallone was the son of a Sicil- 
ian immigrant. Frank and Jacqueline 


“1 represent something that is very 
frightening to East Coast critics: a guy 
who's made it by being a raging optt- 
mist—and most of those people, as the 
word critic implies, are pessimists. 


Stallone worked hard to get away from 
Hell’s Kitchen, and when Sylvester was 
five, the Stallones moved to Montgom- 
ery Hills, Maryland, where his parents 
opened a beauty shop. Their marriage 
broke up when Sly was 11 and from then 
on, he and his younger brother, Frank, 
Jv, lived а year at а time with cach par- 
ent. After his mother remarried, he went 
to live with her in Philadelphia. When 
he was I6—and had been tossed out of 
three schools for fighting and vandal- 
ism—Stallone was sent to the Devereux- 
Manor Hall High School, an institution 
for boys with learning and behavior 
problems. In 1969, after attending two 
colleges, he went to New York, deter- 
mined to be an actor. For the next five 
years, Stallone did more starving than 
acting and supported himself with a 
variety of menial jobs. 

In 1973, he, his wife, Sasha, and the 
couple's bull mastiff, Butkus, piled into 
a ten-year-old Oldsmobile they had 
bought for $40 and headed for the West 
Coast. Says Stallone, “As soon as I 
arrived, 1 went Hollywood: 1 bought a 
32cent pair of sunglasses. For me, the 
difference between New York and Holly- 
wood was that I was still unemployed, 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY SASHA STALLONE /SYGMA 
“I sat through ‘Rocky’ at least 40 times, 
and every time I saw it, I got emotional. 
I knew that was unusual, because, like 
most actors, I usually can’t stand to 
watch myself more than 10 or 15 times." 


73 


PLAYBOY 


74 


but now I had a tan." Stallone was doun 
to his last four dollars when he landed a 
small role in “Capone.” Several other bit 
parts followed, but his career went abso- 
lutely nowhere—until, in 1975, he sat 
down and wrote “Rocky.” 

To interview the mercurial actor, 
PLAYBOY sent frec-lancer Lawrence Linder- 
men to meet with Stallone in Hollywood. 
Linderman reports: 

“Until we actually completed it, I was 
beginning lo think of the Stallone inter- 
view as more of a career than a PLAYBOY 
assignment. I first met Stallone in August 
1977 on the set of ‘F.LS.T2; our last 
meeting took place after that movie had 
been released and Stallone was doing 
postproduction work on his next movie, 
‘Paradise Alley? In between, I watched 
him act in both films and got to know 
him well enough to realize at least this 
much: Sylvester Stallone comes at you 
with his dukes up. His success has been 
a very bittersweet experience; although 
it’s given him money and a great sense of 
personal vindication, it's also made him 
а target for colleagues and media folk 
who've publicly doubted everything from 
his brains to his talent to his morals. 

“In any event, he was deeply suspi- 

cious about doing this interview and al- 
most canceled it several times. Further 
complications arose when one of his 
managers wanted Stallone's photo on the 
cover and then wanted cover approval, 
and then wanted cover and copy approv- 
al. Those are good things lo want if 
you're the manager of a star; ij you're a 
FLAYBOY editor, those arc unthinkable 
conditions to grant, and my editor didn't 
grant them. 
ix months after we first shook hands, 
Stallone and I finally sat down to begin 
more than ten hours of taped conversa- 
tions. Stallone dropped his guard almost 
as soon as we started talking and he 
revealed himself to be an open, quick- 
witted and thoroughly engaging guy. 
“F.LS.T.” was still very much on his mind 
and it provided ihe opening subject of 
our interview." 


PLAYBOY: After praising your portrayal of 
Rocky, a number of film critics suggested 
that the movie may have been your 
million-to-one shot—and that, following 
it, you'd soon slip back into acting ob- 
scurity. That idea gained currency last 
spring, when most reviewers berated your 
performance in F.I.S.T'. Could the critics 
be right? 

STALLONE: No, but I think they'd like to 
be. I know I have at least 10 to 15 decent 
acting roles—different characterizations— 
in me. After those, I'll become a hack 
and begin to parody myself by falling 
back on tricks that haye worked for me 
in the past. But critics don’t know that. 
‘They don't know how schizoid I can 
become and how I change at times. Гуе 
always been kind of like a chameleon, 
and critics can't know that, because they 


haven't lived with me for 32 years; I 
have. I'm aware, though, that after 
Rocky, a lot of people were skeptical and 
deep down in their hearts wanted me to 
fail, for whatever reasons. 

PLAYBOY: Did that make you a little more 
careful about choosing your next film? 
STALLONE: Very much so. I wanted a truly 
demanding role so diametrically op- 
posed to Rocky that it would be shock- 
ing. I wanted to play а leader of men, 
instead of a man who is led, and not 
many scripts like that are around. I'd 
written a couple for myself, but then 
F.LS.T. came along and there was а 
chance to work on a big-budget film with 
a big-name director and a big cast, so I 
took it just to get it out ol my syst 
Incidentally, F.5.T. got very good re- 
ews in the West; the East Coast critics 
were down on it, and I think it's because 
there's a erent breed of men back 
there. They have a basic antagonism to 
anything that comes out of the West 
Coast and, on top of that, 1 think they 
look at me as a defector. 1 represent 
something that is very frightening to 
them: a guy who's made it by being a 


— 
“I'm aware that after 
‘Rocky, alot of people were 
skeptical and deep downin 
their hearts wanted me 
to fail.” 


raging optimist—and most of those 
people, as the word critic imp! 
pessimists. 

PLAYBOY: Nevertheless, Е./.5.7. 
pointed more than just criti 
you think it was an unqualified success? 
STALLONE: Of course it wasn't. As a matter 
of fact, І was very apprehensive about the 
movie, because I didn't have any crea- 
tive input after we finished filming it. 
"That's like giving the blueprints of a 
house to a construction team and not 
going back until it's built—and then you 
wind up saying, "My God, they've put 
the kitchen in the bedroom and the 
bedroom in the basement, and every- 
thing's wrong." I was a victim of naïveté 
in the sense that I didn't know what to 
expect. But then a n't have the 
same entree to the editing room on 
F-LS.T- that E had with Rocky. If I'd had 
a voice in the editing process, I would've 
changed a lot of things in F.L.S.T.. 

PLAYBOY: Such as? 

STALLONE: Well, І don't know why, but 
Norman Jewison, the director, never 
used my most fiery takes, so I came off 
lukewarm throughout the movie. I do 
three different types of takes for every 


scene in a film. I do the first one luke- 
warm, the second one medium and the 
third very hot, so that the editor has a 
choice. For instance, if the movie is 
dragging in spots and the editor needs a 
little extra energy, he’s got it. But, for 
some reason, only the lukewann takes 
were used. 

Another thing that bothered me іп- 
volved a transition that I did with my 
voice. I started off in Е./.5.7. talking the 
way I'm talking now, and then my voice 
got lower and kind of gravelly, and I 
finally ended up talking in а hoarse 
whisper. But the transition wasn't used, 
so you wonder where Johnny Kovak's 
voice came from. It was completely 
screwed up: One day Im a medium- 
voiced guy and the next day I'm hoarse. 
That really burned me up, because it 
looked like I n't do my homewoi 
and I did. 

But the biggest blow to me concerned 
a line that w cut from the Senate- 
hearing scene. I'd never worked so hard 
getting ready for a scene in my life. 1 had 
heart palpitations, blurred vision—I ac- 
tually thought I was gonna go into a 
nervous breakdown. Anyway, at the end 
of my confrontation with Rod Steiger, I 
get up and say, "I hold you in contempt, 
I hold Milano in contempt, I hold this 
hearing in contempt and, most of all, I 
hold myself in contempt!" 

I then walk to the hearing-room door 
and just as I'm about to open it, I turn 
around and shout, "You may bı 
down, but you're not gonna bring this 
union down—or we're gonna shut this 
country down!” And then ] walk outside 
and into a crowd of truck drivers, and 
you know that I may have been discrcdit- 
ed, but if I want to, I can shut the coun- 
try down. That was a very important line 
to lose. Norman Jewison said, “It makes 
Johnny Kovak too threatening.” Well, he 
is threatening, and when he stands rag- 
ing at the hearing-room door and making 
his final threat, it’s like the last bellowing 
of a dying bull. 

In the meantime, I'd paced my per- 
formance for that moment, which is why 
I didn't go all the way when confronting 
Steiger. 1 wanted to save that last little 
bit extra for that line—which would've 
put a different edge on the scene and on 
the picture. 

PLAYBOY: 15 your dissatisfaction with 
F.I.S.T. the reason you didn't lift a fin- 
ger to promote it? 

STALLONE: No, it’s because I felt that Nor- 
man Jewison was the star of F.LS.T. It's 
his movie. The scenes were cut like a 


Jewison movie, my performance was cut 


like a Jewison movie and I therefore 
felt that Norman should promote it. I'm 
not trying to be critical of him, I'm just 
saying that F.LS.T. his and that I 
didn’t feel very involved in it. I did what 
I had to do and turned in my perform- 
ance, but there was a distance between 


Newport 


Alive with pleasure! 


Afterall, if 7 
isn't a pleasure, 
= =; - = 


MENTHOL KINGS 


ber ae ПП Үү He as 


PLAYBOY 


76 


us. Nobody ever asked me what I thought. 
I felt as if Т were a journeyman, an em- 
ployee, all the way down the line. 
PLAYBOY: That contradicts what we've 
read. For example, Joe Eszterhas, who 
wrote the original screenplay of F. 
claimed that you successfully insinu 
your way into getting credit as со 
of the film, 

STALLONE: Well, I read Joe's comments 
about that, and that was a classic case of 
a failure to communicate because of the 
go-between—who was Jewison. 1 think 
if Norman had actually tried to pro- 
mote a thing between Joe and me, it 
would've worked. I got offended because 
Joe wouldn't listen to me and he got 
offended because he wasn't invited to 
the set and he made some threats. We 
finally talked to each other and got it 
straight. I happen to like the guy, but 
ГИ never do any kind of collaboration 
again unless I meet the man first. 
PLAYBOY: What did you contribute to 
F.LS.T.'s screenplay? 

STALLONE: A lot. I'd been offered hun- 
dreds of scripts after Rocky and I turned 
down until I read Joe" 
which was massive—250 or 300 pages, T 
think, Norman Jewison sent it to me and 
after reading it, I told him I'd do F.I.S.T. 
with one stipulation: No disrespect to the 
writer, but since I'm a writer and I 
wanted to play the role, I wanted to 
tailor it to myself. The first half of the 
original script was the building up of a 
nobody, a loading-dock worker who helps 
organize a union and then becomes head 
of it. The second half produces a change: 
He goes to Washington, D.C., and it's his 
downfall, He becomes corrupt and a 
viper among vipers. He eventually gets 
so insufferable that the Mafia finally does 
him because, after having own 
best friend set up, he wants to kill a 
Senator. I told Norman that after the 
first hour of the movie, we'd lose our 
audience: No one wants someone they've 
seen grow as a hero go down. I told him, 
“This guy has to keep growing. The 
movie starts when he's 22, and he's got 
to grow until he's 50, and we've got to 
end on a peak.” He agreed, and so then 
I sat down and worked. 

PLAYBOY: Do you think, in retrospect, that 
it was a mistake for you to have been in 
FS 

STALLONE: [ have mixed emotions about 
it. I think I wasn't true to my nature and 
that I should have done something more 
along the lines of a blue-collar guy who 
stays blue collar. I'm sorry I didn't do 
something, say, along the lines of a 
Rocky Balboa or an ex-con who's trying 
to make it back into society, or a fire 
fighter. Instead, I did something to 
prove that I could pull it off. And I put 
my fate in someone else's hands—and 
most of my efforts were butchered. I'm 
not very happy about the film. It served 
its purpose, I think, because people will 


ted 
athor 


now ht, he’s not a 
boxer, he can act a little, he can yell a lot 
and maybe even write, too.” But Te 
wasn't worth the seven months I spent 
making it. 

PLAYBOY: By the time it was released, 
you'd managed to acquire a reputation 
for having the most oversized cgo in 
Hollywood. Do you think that’s а bum 


k I've become brusque 
with people. I've become hard. Right 
al person, but 1 
believe it’s only a stage I'm going through 
and that I'll lose it soon. The cynicism 
is because people are coming at me now, 
sometimes in the press, with undue ma- 
levolence. They come after me saying that 
I'm swell-headed, and there are all these 
stories about me, like how I won't work 
with any actors who are taller than me, 
and that’s not mue. In my next film, 
Paradise Alley, there're at least nine 
actors who are not only bigger than me, 
they're half the size of the island of 
Rhodes. T kind of stuff turned me 
against the press for a while, but 1 guess 
it’s a case of what goes up must come 


_—— 
“I really don’t walk around 
thinking, Lam astar. 
I've always loathed using 
that word. That's like saying, 
‘Iam so celestial. I 


am not of this earth.” 


down—and there are a lot of people out 
there who like to read unhappy news 
That's what sells. They don't want to 
read that I'm happy and g around 
in a Rolls-Royce and that I use lilac 
shaving cream and how I never get a 
pimple. They'd rather read that I'm mis- 
erable and that all my teeth are falling 
out. But I'll lose this cynicism, this hard- 
ness. 

PLAYBOY: So you haven't enjoyed your 
fame? 

STALLONE: No, I do get kicks out of it. 1 
walk into a restaurant and I get good 
service where normally it would take 
hours. But I really don't walk around 
thinking, I am a star. To me, a star is 
only a ball of gas, and I've always loathed 
using that word to describe actors. "That's. 
like saying, "I am so celestial. I am not of 
this earth, for I am a star. ] twinkle in. 
the cosmos while all of you grovel in the 
valleys." 

PLAYBOY: Nevertheless, by Hollywood's 
standards, you are a star. Has it been 
rough going handling your new-found 
status? 


STALLONE: N. 


success is really very easy 
to deal with. All I do is sit back and gaze 
into a mirror and say, "All right, Sly. 
Eighteen months ago, you were a total 
nonentity, a goofball. Today, people put 
you under a microscope and analyze 
every move you make. But you're the 
same guy you were then. The only differ- 
ence is that you got your break, and 
don’t have to be supersensitive about 
The one thing I have to accept, Г 
guess, is that I'm no longer one of the 
boys. When people know who you are, 
what happens is that everything becomes 
diffused. It's as if I'm now looking at life 
through leaded glass, and its defi 
not rose-colored, either. Its thick and 
kind of out of focus, but that’s the only 
way Í can maintain an even keel right 
now. I suppose the only performer who 
really has all this stuff down, who truly 
understands glamor and fantasy, is Liber- 
ace. He can sit there and flaunt his 
diamonds and his minks and his Rolls- 
Royces and you like him, because he docs 
it honestly. He's sharing all that with 
you. He's not saying, “Look what I've got 
and you don't." He's saying, "Look what 
you bought me.” He's just extraordinary. 
PLAYBOY: What are you saying—that you 
want to emulate Liberace? 
STALLONE: He; 't me. I think I 
have two choices: to either become a re- 
cluse like El Presley—which can be 
very dangerous—or to be an extrovert. I 
think the name of the game is show 
business, so I show myself. I think that 
as long as I mingle with crowds, well 
may losc that clusive mysterious quality 
but what I gain is a definite rapport with 
reality. When I go into a crowd, Гт not 
tongue-tied and Im not worried Im 
gonna fall down a flight of stairs, or that 
ГЇЇ scuff my shoes getting out of a limou- 
sine or chip my tecth on a curb. What 
I've said before holds: I'm trying to 
el through life without being perma- 
nently mangled by success. I really think 
it's just a matter of allotting time, of 
discipline, of getting up ata certain hour 
and following the same routine. You 
can't waver. I wavered for five months 
and suffered terribly, and I'm not talking 
about my work. 
PLAYBOY: Are you referring to the break- 
up of your marriage? 
STALLONE: Yes, I am. After Rocky, I went 
through a period of too much too soon, 
and the pressures got to me. I was ex- 
tremely foolish in that I directed my 
frustrations at the people I love the most, 
simply because they were the most vul- 
nerable to attack. I left my family, think 
ing that if I left, my problems would go 
away. All I was doing was playing hooky 
from reality 
PLAYBOY: How long did it take you to 
realize that? 
STALLONE: Í knew it within two or three 
weeks, but there was a problem: I wanted 
to reinstate myself with my wife, Sasha, 


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PLAYBOY 


78 


without coming off as a total buffoon. T 
walked around thinking, How do I pick 
up the pieces and still maintain any type 
of esteem with Sasha? I wanted to go 
home badly, because I love her, so, in a 
sense, 1 waited and waited for the proper 
opportunity—until I realized there is no 
such thing. You just have to strip your- 
self down to the bare wires and do it. So 
that's what I did. I went home one day 
and told Sasha, “You're looking at a full- 
grown fool. I'm extremely regretful and 
sorry, and I don't blame you if you never 
talk to me again. You haye every reason 
in the world to despise me." 

She took me back without condition, 
which shows, I think, that our marriage 
was right in the first place. That it had 
tremendous foundations. 

PLAYBOY: If all that is true, why did you 
tell Los Angeles magazine that success 
had nothing to do with your marital 
breakup? 

STALLONE: That was a lie. I was lying 
mostly to myself. Sometimes one does lie 
to one's self to alleviate pressure. A lie 
can be handled in a few short words, but 
the truth sometimes takes hours of delib- 
cration before it shows itself. In any 
case, when the press would come up to 
me and ask, “What's the story with your 
marriage?” I thought, Why expose myself 
to a mere stranger? So I'd just handle it 
with a stock answer. I'd give them stock 
answer number 72 and get ready with 


stock answer number 73 for the next 
question. It wasn’t an easy period, be- 
cause I thought I was on top of the whole 
thing, but I became moody, avaricious 
and all-consuming. To paraphrase the 
Eagles, I wanted to live life in the fast 
lane. 

PLAYBOY: Has your life slowed down 
since then? 

STALLONE: No, but I think I'm living it 
more in perspective and analyzing it 
more. I'm not taking it like, well, after 
1 finish editing Paradise Alley, Y'm gonna 
make Rocky H and then I'll edit that 
and go on to the next film. I have to look 
at what will suffer because of all that 
work. Is my home life going to suffer? If 
so, then I'll allot more time to my home 
life and I'll try to be as concerned and re- 
sponsible a husband and father as I can 
be. Sometimes it's hard to be aware of 
that, because you'll want to go for the 
glory, for the movie, for the money, and 
you won't think about the repercussions. 
You won't realize that work is gonna take 
99 percent of your time—and that to 
make up for it, the one percent when 
you're at home has to be incredibly bliss- 
ful, tranquil and sincere. That's just not 
easy to do, especially for me, because I 
take home the characters I play. 

PLAYBOY: In what way? 

STALLONE: All kinds of ways, starting with 
what I eat. For Rocky, I purposely al- 
tered my diet so that it would severely 


change my intelligence level, which it 
did. I went on a strict shrimp-and-shell- 
fish diet, with no carbohydrates whatso- 
ever, and eventually, my intelligence 
level dropped to the point where Td 
want to listen to country-and-western 
music, which is really bizarre for me. 
Your brain can't function without car- 
bohydrates, and if I'd kept it up much 
longer, I probably would've wound up 
in a hospital, Plus, of course, I was walk- 
ing like Rocky and sniffing and shadow- 
boxing and talking like Rocky. I became 
Rocky. 

Now, maybe this dietary stuff works 
and maybe it doesn't, but it helps me get 
into a character, so, in a sense, it does 
work. For F.LS.T.. І ned 35 pounds 
cating bananas and water, which wasn't a 
laugh riot, by any means. In fact 
me bordering on lunacy, but bananas 
contain potassium, which stimulates the 
nerve synapses, those little tissues that 
transmit the brain's electrical impulses 
up and down the spine. As Johnny Kovac 
became older and more physically pon- 
derous, I wanted him to look suspicious 
and to be ready with a wiseerack for 
everything. I also took to shuffling around 
at home like an old man, talking in a low, 
no-nonsense staccato voice and boring 
ryone still. My wife hated it, the house- 
keeper hated it, my kid hated it—even 
our dog hated it. 

PLAYBOY: Do you get the message that 


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ауре you should leave your work on 
the set? 
STALLONE: That's easier said than done. 
Thank God that in my next movie, Para 
dise Alley, Y play a character 1 was able 
to jump in and our of at will, a guy very 
closely aligned to my normal state. For 
that role, Î got into energy foods—nuts, 
fruits, juices and things that go through 
your system very easily, like pulverized 
chicken. I ate like that because I wanted 
to devote all my energy to directing, 
writing and acting 
PLAYBOY: Have 
caused any 
Paradise Alley? 
STALLONE: No, just the opposite: I wanted 
to throw Paradise Alley into release right 
after Е./.5.Т. came out, but the distribu- 
ngements already 
made. I think it's going to be a terrific 
fihn, very much like some of those great 
Bowery Boys and Frank Capra movies of 
the late Thirties and early Forties. It's 
about three brothers who are losers living 
in Hell’s Kitchen in New York. They all 
want to be big fish in a big pond, and the 
movie is about their scheming and comic 
attempts to get out of Hell’s Kitchen, to 
get away from the neighborhood wise 
guys and dime-a-dance girls. 

My character finds a way for them to 
do it: He gets his iceman brother, Victor, 
to start wrestling for money. The wres- 


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Uing in the film goes back to the origins 
of professional wrestling just before Gor 
geous George; it's underground wrestling. 
Wrestling’s been maligned by a lot of 
people, but it's fascinating to see men of 
immense size—anywhere from 250 to 400 
pounds—moving around like cats, like 
acrobats. And the wrestling in Paradise 
Alley is real, which is why I think the 
movie may be more visually interesting 
than Rocky, 

T've been told, of course, that a movie 
about wrestling has never made any 
money, But I was told the same thing 
before Rocky was made: “Do you realize, 
Sylvester, that only one fight fiin ever 
made any money, and then only pen- 
nies?” 1 said, “Yeah, but it wasn't my 
boxing movie.” 

PLAYBOY: When Rocky was released, there 
was a great outpouring of publicity to 
the effect that your life paralleled Rocky 
Balboa's—that you were down and out 
before suddenly catching a big break 
How much of that was pure flackery? 

STALLONE: None of it. At that point in my 
life, 1 was on the rocks and drying up 
like a beached whale. I'd been through 
something more traumatic than straight 
failure: a small taste of success and then 
failure again. I'd been in The Lords of 
Flatbush, Capone, Bananas, Death Race 
2000, Prisoner of Second Avenue and 
Farewell, My Lovely, and 1 started to 


think I was going somewhere. And then 
the phone didn't ring for nine months. 
That’s a long time to be out of work. 

1 was just about broke and things were 
looking very, very bad, so one night, to 
cheer myself up, 1 took the last of my 
entertainment money and went to see the 
Muhamr Ali Chuck Wepner fight. 
They were showing it closed circuit at 
the Wiltern Theater, on. the corner of 
Western and Wilshire in Los Angele 
And Lll be damned, I'm sitting there, 
looking around at the audience, and a 
drama is unfolding. Wepner is a trial 
horse who's supposed to last maybe three 
rounds, so Ali can go to the showers 
early, but he's hanging in there. And 
then, all of a sudden, Ali falls down—he 
tipped—but now the place is going 
crazy! Guys! eyes are turning up white; I 
mean, the crowd is going nuts, And here 
comes the last round, and Wepner finally 
loses on a T KO. I said to myself, "Thats 
drama. Now the only thing I've got to do 
is get a character to that point and I" 
got my story.” 

PLAYBOY: Just like that? 

STALLONE: Just like that. I then went 
home and wrote the most vile, putrid, 
festering little street drama you've ever 
seen. I had Rocky Balboa as a good guy 
surrounded by rotten people. His man- 
ager, Mickey, for instance, was a racist 
maniac. The champ was older, maybe 37, 


79 


PLAYBOY 


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and during their fight, Rocky catches 
him good, breaks his ribs and starts beat- 
ing the £ 
Rocky goes back to his corner, Mickey is 
yelling, “Kill him! I want you to kill 
him! Beat him to death!" Rocky starts 
thinking, My God. what have I got my- 
self into? I was broke before this, but at 
least I was content. So he goes out, and 
even though the champion's on his last 
legs, Rocky lets himself get hit with a 
punch and then purposely falls flat on his 
face and loses the fight on a TKO. 
Mickey is screaming at him, cveryonc is 
screaming at him, but Rocky doesn't 
care. He takes his loser’s share of the 
money and buys a pet shop for himself 
and Adrian, 

PLAYBOY: 
fetched. 
STALLONE: I didn't like it either, but it's 
part of the metamorphosis of a script, or 
did you think they just come out ready to 
be filmed? Ali fought Wepner in March 
1975. I finished my first draft that June 
and showed it to my agent at the time, 
Herb Nanas, who is now my manager. 
The dialog was crude and contained 
tremendous obscenities, but Herb said, 
“This is really very good." I said thanks, 
went home, let it cool for a week and then 
saw all the mistakes in it. But the spine 
was there and I finished a second draft in 
July. 

PLAYBOY: How long did it take before you 
got an offer for it? 

STALLONE: I got my first real bite by Au- 
gust first. United Artists wanted to pay 
me $75,000, which is a good price for a 
first script. I was broke by then—I mean, 
I didn't сусп have $100 to my name— 
but something in the back of my mind 
told me I could play that role. So when 
Herb brought me the good news about 
the $75,000, I turned to him and said, 
"Don't sell it" And, oh, were they 
shocked back at UA! Their next offer 
was $100,000 and a guarantee that they'd 
get a celebrity to play Rocky. They said 
it would make an excellent film and 
that [ could come by and visit the set 
PLAYBOY: Who did United Artists have in 
mind for the 12 

STALLONE: They mentioned Paul Newman, 
Robert Redford, Gene Hackman, Al 
Pacino, Jimmy Caan, Ryan O'Neal— 
they mentioned just about everyone ex- 
cept a great bit actor named Arthur 
Hunnicutt. I remember the day I learned 
about all the actors they w 
ing. I was in Herb's office, 
told me their names, I said, “Hey, this is 
not going to work." Herb said, “What’s 
not going to work, Sly? They're up to 
$150,000, which is more money than you 
and I have ever seen.” I told him, “Look, 
my friend, they can go to $500,000, they 
can go to $1,000,000 or $2,000,000, or 
$5,000,000 or $10,000,000, take your 
choice. Under the threat of death, I'm 


iy to a pulp. And every time 


hat does seem a little far- 


re consider- 
nd after he 


Smile. 
Fotomat makes 
it So easy. 


PLAYBOY 


82 


telling you not to sell the script unless I 
play Rocky 
So Herb went back to UA with that. 
They came back with an offer of $175,000, 
and then $210,000, and then $250,000, 
and a final offer of $315,000, I kept saying 
no until they gave in and said, “Oh, 
Jesus, let's forget all this and let him 
have a shot at it. 
PLAYBOY: How much did you finally get 
for the screenplay? 
STALLONE: The price came down to 
$20,000—and I got that much only be- 
cause a Writer's Guild rule says that any 
film budgeted at $1,000,000 or more must 
pay 2 minimum of $20,000 for the script. 
As an actor, 1 worked for scale, Maybe 
it was а stroke of fate, but I also got a 
percentage of the picture—ten percent 
of the net. I didn't see a dime of it until 
ast September, when I was almost done 
with F.LS.T. That's when 1 got my first 
payment. 
PLAYBOY: We understand that first check 
was for around $1,000,000, How did it 
feel to become a wealthy man overnight? 
STALLONE: ‘Terrifically comforting. I 
threw away my burlap security blanket 
and replaced it with one made out of 
cashmere. I also discovered that the Gov- 
ernment was my buddy and that my 
buddy wanted income tax from me. 
Which was kind of novel, because I'd 
only earned about $1400 the year before 
I made Rocky. United Artists probably 
went into shock over the amount of 
money they made, because while we were 
shooting Rocky, word leaked out tha 
UA would be happy if the film broke 
even: They liked the script, but they 
weren't thrilled with me. Neither were 
some of the directors they tried to get 
before John Avildsen agreed to do it. At 
least five directors turned them down. 
Some liked the script, some didn't—and. 
many of them felt I was wrong for the 
part. 
PLAYBOY: Why? 
STALLONE: They said I didn't have th 
stature of a heavyweight. I'll tell you 
what I told them: I'm bigger than Rocky 
Marci as in his prime. I'm five feet 
ten and three quarters tall and Marciano 
was five ten and a half. 1 a 73-inch 
ach and he had a 68-inch reach. His 
biceps were 14 inches and mine are 
almost 17 inches. 1 hate to tell you what 
I thought they might want to measure 
next. Anyway, I said that if Marciano 
could become undefeated heavyweight 
champion of the world with his physiqu 
I could certainly play a fighter in a fict 
tious film with mine. 
PLAYBOY: Rocky Balboa was your first 
lead role in a movie. When the cameras 
started rolling, were you at all worried 
that perhaps you were in over your head? 
STALLONE: For one fleeting moment, yeah. 
When we started shooting, we were on 
Broad Street in Philadelphia at 4:30 in 


the morning and it was 19 degrees out- 
side. I got dressed in a trailer and as I 
was about to walk out, I looked at myself. 
in a mirror that was hanging next to the 
door. And I thought, Oh, God, this is it. 
Sylvester, you've bluffed your way, you" 
bullied your way, you've badgered your 
way and you've begged your way into 
this position. If you don't pull it off, 
your name is gonna be synonymous with 
failure. Pretty soon, people aren't going 
to say, “Hey, you made a bomb.” 
They'll be saying, “Hey, you made a 
Stallone.” Irs all up to you. Can you 
do it? 

I just stared and stared at myself in the 
mirror, in make-up, and the make-up 
seemed to blend perfectly into my face. 


And then an assistant director stopped 
by and yelled, "Come on, Sylvester. It’s 
time.” I turned from the mirror and 


said, “Hey, you got wrong guy. 
Rocky. Call me Rocky.” And I knew 
from that instant on that I was going 
to do it. 

PLAYBOY: The heavyweight champion in 
Rocky, Apollo Creed, was an obvious 


“T think the day of the single- 
talented performer is 
drawing to an end. Today, 
actors have to be involved in 
the politics of film making 
and in producing, 


writing and directing." 


take-off on Muhammad Ali. Did you get 
any flak 
STALLONE; mostly from United 
Artists, Their hierarchy was a little wor- 
ried about it, and before they'd accept 
the script, they asked me to rewrite the 
Creed part. І went home and did it 
overnight, and the n Apollo. 
Creed came back as 
as they said, “OK, it's a go,” 1 put the 
Jamaican back on the plane and brought 
back my rcal Apollo Creed. 

I think the character was a form of 
flattery ro Ali, but a couple of black guys 
told me, “You're running our man down. 
We're personal friends of A 
is a racist script." I said, "What sense of 

is there? This movie's about a 
c underdog. I'm being more racist 
toward myself than anybody else, be- 
cause I lose the fight, so what are you 
talking abou 
PLAYBOY: We've heard that you're a dom- 
ineering and difficult actor to work with 
1 that you supposedly proved it while 
making Rocky. Have we heard wrong? 
STALLONE: I think so. Look, I'm a born 


а 


critic—of myself and other things—and 
I'm extremely opinionated, I must be, 
because I think anybody who doesn’t 
have an opinion should go to Tibet and 
start chanting with a Lhasa Apso on his 
lap. As an actor, I think I'm all right, 
but I've never functioned 100 percent as 
an actor. You sce, I think the day of the 
single-talented performer is drawing to 
an end. Today, actors have to be in- 
volved in the pol 
in producing, writing, directing—some- 
thing besides just acting. 

But the actual pure certified artisan in 
an actor doesn't want to do that, doesn’t 
even want to know who's in a movie with 
him. All h ants to know is the start 
date and if the script is ready. Finc, but 
out of ten movies this artist may have 
done, how many are good—two or three? 
The rest fall by the wayside. Why? Be- 
cause in the editing room, the logic and 
meaning of an entire script can be 
changed, the story line altered—and the 
actors dream reversed, The actor mi 
turn in a finc performance, but six 
months later, what he sees onscreen will 
be a wretched misinterpretation of what 
he intended. He's completely at the 
mercy of the director, editor or producer, 
or all three at once. 

Well, during Rocky, I kept a third. 
eye ош. I lived in that editing room. 
I was there. I wasn't popular, but I 
provided them with a presence they 
wouldn't [ool around with. They 
wouldn't just say, "Hey, let's cut out this 
close-up of Sly"—not when I'm sitting 
two [eet away. By being there, I got them 
to respect my screenplay and my 
ance. 

“Then you were muscling them, 
weren't you? 

STALLONE: An important actor has the 
power to muscle, because producers need 
that actor for advertising purposes. Who 
is more valuable in terms of proi 
a picture? The press isn't going to wa 
to talk to a producer or a grip or a gaffer. 
They're going to want to talk to the guy 
whose face is up there. 

PLAYBOY: Did you get violent in the edit- 
ng room? There's an absolutely uncon- 
firmed rumor around that you beat up 
Avildsen when he cut out a scene you 
liked. Any truth to i 
STALLONE: I've heard that, too, and no. 
no. no, it never happened. What did 
happen was really kind of funny. John 
and I had been discussing the scene 
where Rocky is out walking with Adrian 
and invites her to come into his apart- 
ment, Now, John is an amiable guy, but 
1 drove to the studio one morning, I 
started thinking, What if John says he 
wants to lose the scene and then turns 
around and raises his voice and pushes 
me? I'm gonna grab him, and then he's 
gonna yell for the cops. And then Гт 
gonna pick up a barstool before the 
cops get there and —— And by the time I 
got to work, I w ng lunati 


walked in and I shouted, “John, don't 
make that си!!!" And John said, “Good 
morning, Sylvester.” I had to pause right 
there. I finally mumbled, “Oh, um, ex- 
cuse me. How are you, John? Did you 
sleep OK?” That was it. No fights. 
PLAYBOY: You mentioned that United 
Artists was merely hoping that the film 
would break even. What did you expect 
it to do? 

STALLONE; Ihe first time I saw all the 
daily rushes on it, I bet the producers 
that Rocky would gross at least 
$20,000,000, and then, when I saw it cut 
together for the first time, I said the 
movie would make $100,000,000. The 
producers said, “Well, if it makes that 
kind of money, we'll buy you any car in 
the world that you want," I got my car: 
a Mercedes-Benz 450 SEL. 

Don't take this as an egomaniacal 
statement, but I knew it would happen. 
I'd never seen a film like it. I sat through 
Rocky at least 40 times, and every time I 
saw it, I got emotional. And 1 knew that 
was unusual, because, like most actors, 
T usually can’t stand to watch my work 
on a film more than 10 or 15 times. You 
want to know how sure 1 the film 
was going to take off? When Sasha and I 
went looking for a house, the real-estate 
agent pointed one out to us alongside 
the curb in a nice neighborhood and T 
said, "No, that won't do. When this 
movie breaks, I have to be hidden away." 
And that was six months before Rocky 
came out. 

PLAYBOY: When it did, you quickly re- 
placed Farrah Fawcett-Majors on the 
covers of America's fan magazines and 
supermarket tabloids. How did you ini- 
tially react to all that publicity? 

STALLONE: I became very, very self-con- 
scious. I started thinking about a public 
image and I began changing the way 1 
dress. I started wearing suits and carry 
ing myself in a more upright position 
and worrying about my personal appear 
ance—was my hair right, were my teeth 
polished? So that was my first reaction: I 
was tampering with a winning combina 
tion, which you're not supposed to do. 
You'll be pleased to know, as I sit here 
in a tank top and jeans, that I've since 
reverted back to my natural instinets. 

My second reaction was to begin won- 
dering if 1 could duplicate Rocky's suc- 
cess. І came to the conclusion that I 
never will duplicate it, 1 doubt that ГЇЇ 
ever make another film that has such 
popularity and box-office numbers, I'll 
just make smaller winners, because 1 
really don't think I'll ever make а bomb. 
As Jong as I can remain in some sort of 
creative control of my films, that will 
never happen. 

PLAYBOY: Why not? Do you think you're 
infallible? 

STALLONE: No, but I have a certain philos 
ophy about film making that 1 think will 
eventually be seen as a revival of good, 
old-fashioned American movies. I think 


Why now 
more than ever 


we can ask, 
. ‘Tsitliveor ` 
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83 


PLAYBOY 


84 


theres a definite formula in reaching 
audiences: Provide them with heroes and 
heroines who have to pull themselves up. 
from the depths of despair. And as they 
struggle and claw and finally attain their 
goal, the audience says, "My God, that's 
the 1 of person I want to be." Or, 
""Thar's the kind of person I'd like my 
son or daughter to marry." Give the 
audience positive symbols, because if you 
don't, if people go out of a theater less 
than when they went in, they were 
taken. And I think that's been happen- 
ing: There's been a flood of films in the 
last few years that run down everything. 
They deal in subjects like politics, psy- 
chology and male-female relationships, 
and I'd say that out of the last 50 films 
made in America, 35 of them have been 
in this category. 

PLAYEOY: Can you give us some examples 
of the kind of films you're talking about? 
STALLONE: I'm talking about very sophisti- 
cated films that are taken on a highly 
esoteric level, and the critics love them. 
But I don't think we need movies to be 
negative, because all we have to do is 
watch the news on television and we've 
got all the negative forces we can han- 
dle. And that’s one reason why people 
are staying away from movie theaters in 
droves; who the hell wants to go to a 
movie and come out feeling worse than 
when you went in? True story: After 
seeing Marathon Man, a guy got mugged 
in a movie theater's parking lot. As this 
man got beaten almost to death, another 
guy who was coming out of the theater 
watched it happen and didn’t help. 
When the police asked him why he 
didn't intervene, the man said, “I don’t 
know. I just felt like it didn’t matter.” 
Now, where is that at? If you don't think 
violence in movies and on television isn’t 
beginning to numb the nerve endings of 
this country, you're mistaken. 

There're a lot of movics that give off 
bad vibes. I watched Little Big Man on 
television not long ago and my reaction 
to it was, Why did they make this? If you 
want to make a movie about Indian 
massacres, make it. But get somebody 
like Buffy St. Marie, who knows what 
she's talking about, to write it. Don't sit 
there and take a fictitious story about a 
guy who is 130 years old and make it 
into a slanderous account of the men 
who died at ttle Bighorn, because 
that wasn’t a joke. I don’t get off on 
jokes like that, especially when they cost 
$10,000,000 to make. If a movie like 
Little Big Man bombs, the shock wave of 
failure will spread out and eventually 
affect 50 to 100 film makers. All of a 
sudden, they'll be hearing, “Oh, no, you 
can't do a film that deals with the U.S. 
Cavalry. Remember Little Big Man? It 
lost a fortune.” 

But to use an old agent term, the bot- 
tom line on this whole thing is that I 
may be very full of crap, because I am 
unproven. Гуе made one film and it 


turned out real well. My next films may 
be atrocities, in which case this whole 
interview will have been a waste of time, 
but thats what makes the world go 
round. 
PLAYBOY: Now that you've told us what 
you detest, what types of films do you 
enjoy? 
STALLONE: Films that touch me emotion- 
ally. 1 like George Lucas’ work. Lucas 
has an eye for what the public wants, 
and right now, the public wants escapism 
and Lucas provides it. Except for his 
first movie, THX 1138, every film he's 
done has been a vehicle to get into 
people, to make them laugh, to provide 
them with two hours of uninterrupted 
fantasy and entertainment. 

Lucas, I think, hit on something in 


may get thicker around the waist and 
we may alll have to wear glasses someday, 
but inside, we still don’t want to grow 
up. I really tried to do the same thing 


“Tf you just have heavy, 
heavy drama, it becomes 
wearing. .. .It'sa brutal 
experience to pay 
seven dollars to discover 
you hate yourself, your 
mother and everyone else." 


= ی 


with Rocky but on a cruder level, be- 
cause Rocky's life was crude. 

PLAYBOY: Do you think that’s what ac- 
counted for the picture's success? 
STALLONE: For a good part of it, sure, 
although Rocky was rooted more in the 
real world than Star Wars, which took 
place in a fantasy land. Rocky wasn’t a 
total fantasy, though, because guys like 
Wepner and Evangelista and many 
others have gotten a shot at the champ, 
so it’s actually happened. I think the 
humor in Rocky also helped. What I 
write can be called dramedy—half 
drama, hal comedy—because I think 
there's great humor in tragedy. I don't 
mean to sound callous, so let mc cxplain 
that. As someone said, to those who 
think, life is a comedy; and to those 
who feel, life is a tragedy. Since audi- 
ences are thinking and feeling at the 
same time, why not give them both? If 
you just have heavy, heavy drama, it 
becomes a wearing, tearing experience 
for an audience. It’s like watching a 
Eugene O'Neill play; as soon as you 
leave, the first thing to do is hail a cab 
and go to Bellevue to dry out. I mean, 


it's a brutal experience to pay seven 
dollars to discover you hate yourself, 
your mother and everyone else. 

PLAYBOY: You're right, you are opinion- 
ated. Incidentally, was Rocky your first 
screenplay? 

STALLONE: Oh, no, I started writing scripts 
right after I saw Easy Rider. 1 bought 
two books, one on screenwriting—some- 
thing like Writing for Fun and Profit— 
and the other, the screenplay of Easy 
Rider. Y read it and thought, I can't 
believe it! The dialog is so realistic and 
men are getting paid to write like this, 
and this is a big hit. And I thought I 
could do as well. 

So I sat down and wrote my first 
screenplay. I called it Cry Full and 
Whisper Empty in the Same Breath. You 
want to talk about the height of pompos- 
ity? That was me. J must've been into а 
little too much Dylan at the time. Nat- 
urally, no one would even look at a 
script with that tide, which was just as 
well, because it was really awful. 1 let a 
total drunk read it and even he said it 
was lousy. 

So I wrote another one called Sad 
Blues. Yt was a horrible thing about a 
rock singer who suffers from a heart 
condition that can only be cured by 
a substance found in bananas. Right, I 
have a thing for bananas, Anyway, the 
rock singer falls in love with a girl, but 
she eventually leaves him. The singer 
gets so upset that he goes on stage with- 
out eating his daily quota of bananas— 
and in the middle of a song, he keels over 
onto his organ. The girl comcs rushing in 
with a bunch of bananas, but she's too 
late: He's dead. Ta-daaa! 

PLAYBOY: Can we assume that made you 
two for two in the failure departmentz 
STALLONE: I was about to go three for 
three: My next one was called Till 
Young Men Exit, a nifty title, but the 
script stunk. It was about a group of 
unemployed actors who kidnap a pro- 
ducer like David Merrick and all his em- 
ployees; they replace the producer and 
his people with actors who are their 
doubles, and in this way, they take over 
the theatrical business. Oh, it was very 
bad. They tie Merrick up in a chair and 
they feed him Fizzies and Kool-Aid—I 
didn't like the character, so I put him on 
a bad diet, Just as they're ready to ran- 
som him back, the guy suddenly drops 
dead and the actors all realize, "Well, 
we got our man running things and no 
one's on to us.” So they put the producer 
in a blender or something to get rid of 
him, and that was the end of that. 
Really bad! I wrote that while I was an 
usher. As a matter of fact, I wrote that 
entire script standing up. 

PLAYBOY: Is that what you wanted to be 
at that point—a screenwriter? 

STALLONE: No, I was going to be an actor, 
but I figured that if I kept writing, 
eventually someone would buy a script. I 


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PLAYBOY 


86 


didn’t know if it would be a schlocky 
film company or not, but someone would 
buy one of my scripts and give me the 
acting break I needed. Writing was the 
key; if I kept on writing, nothing could 
stop me. And I didn't think 1 was going 
st the odds. I felt like I was the 
house and that the law of averages was 
on my side. I mean, if you write 400 
scripts, the law of averages says you've 
almost got to sell one. Now, І hadn't 
done 400 scripts, but before Rocky came 
along, I probably had written ten or so. 
PLAYBOY: Had you always wanted to be 
an actor? 
STALLONE: No, as a kid, I wanted to be a 
shepherd in Aust and if I thought 
there was an opening for a viking, 1 
would've taken it. I wanted to do some- 
thing adventurous and odd, which, come 
to think of it, is a very good description 
of my childhood. By the time I got to 
high school, І must've broken about 14 
bones in my body doing things that were 
kind of adventurous and very, very odd. 
PLAYBOY: Like what? 
STALLONE: Well, when I was about 11,1 
broke my collarbone jumping off the 
roof of our three-story home in Monkey 
Hollow, Maryland. To give you an idea 
of where my head was, I jumped with an 
umbrella, thinking that I might go up! I 
didn't. I fell straight down into a cement 
trough that was half filled with water— 
my father was building a barbecue pi 
the time. When I landed in it, my 
came out and saw me lying in slimy 
gray water with the umbrella wrapped 
around my neck. He said to my mother, 
“This boy will never become President. 
i idiot.” I looked 
up and told him, “They said the same 
thing about Thomas Edison, Dad.” 
Actually, I wasn't such a happy kid. 1 
was very self-conscious, because I had a 
terrible slur: An accident at birth had 
completely immobilized all the motor 
nerves on the left side of my face. That's 
why my mouth tilts down to the right, 
and sometimes my nose and eyes also 
Jean to the right, and there's nothing I 
can do about it. I spent many, many 
hours fighting about that as a kid. Kids 
like to taunt and ridicule, and they were 
always calling me Slantmouth. Or they'd 
pull down the corners of their mouths 
and ask me if I ever used mine for an 
umbrella rack. I really was a very bad 
person to grow up with. In fact, I was a 
nightmare. 
PLAYBOY: Did you get into trouble with 
police? 
STALLONE: From about the time I was 13, 
yes. Part ot it was due to having an over- 
active imagination. One night, for ex- 
ample, I saw a car parked beneath a 
streetlight. The way the shadows fell on 
it made the car look somewhat like a 
tank and I began to envision being at- 
tacked by Rommel’s tank corps. So I 
began throwing bricks at it, and by the 
time I was ready to stop, the car looked 


ара 


like a dented can. I stopped before I 
really intended to, because the guy who 
owned it came running over and nearly 
beat me to death. From that point on, 
Maryland's Juvenile Department con- 
sidered me someone to keep under 
surveillance. 

PLAYBOY: What did your mother think of 
all this? 

STALLONE: Mom thought I was mischie- 
vous. At the time, my mother owned 2 
gym called Barbella’s and she could 
bench-press 170 pounds. Whenever she 
thought 1 got too mischievous, she would 
tie my body into a square knot—she 
knew all kinds of wrestling holds—lay 
me across her lap and spank me with a 
brush. 1 wasn't left with just a red spot 
оп my butt; she was very powerful, so 
when she hit me with a brush, it was 
like a mild concussion. 1 almost needed 
surgery to remove the brush. 

It was right about then that I got in- 
terested in body building—through a 
movie. I remember secing things like On 
the Waterfront, and Yd always end up 
in a deep snore. But one day I saw 
Steve Reeves in Hercules Unchained and 
I thought, Hey, it’s one thing for Brando 


— 
“Asa kid, I wanted to bea 
shepherd in Australia, 
and if I thought there wasan 
opening for aviking, I 
would’ve taken it.” 

— 


to stand up to the union, but this weird 
guy with the beard and big calves can 
pull down a temple all by himself. He's 
able to take on the entire Roman army 
using only the jawbone of an i 
I'd like to do that, too. I began thinking 
about what I wanted to look like physi- 
cally, in terms of the proportions I 
wanted to deii You didn't want to 
go too big, because then you'd no longer 
look terrestrial. You'd look like Hercules, 
which isn't bad, but that can get kind of. 
tough if you want to play an accountant 
or something. 

PLAYBOY: If you were worricd about play- 
ing accountant, were you already in- 
volved in acting? 

STALLONE: No, that didn’t happen until 
we moved to Philadelphia and I enrolled 
at Lincoln High School. I wouldn't say 
that I had my throat torn up by the act- 
ing bug, but for some reason, I went out 
for the school play. Auditions were held 
in front of the drama and the class 
would vote on who got the parts. The 
play was Mr. Todd Goes West, one of 
the greats. I tried out for the part of Mr. 
Todd and I had to read in a British 
accent: “Oy om your brouther. Don't 


you rehudnize me?" A bad, bad showing. 
T lost the election by a landslide. 
PLAYBOY: Did that temporarily halt your 
acting career? 
STALLONE: It buried it. Т was very resent- 
ful, because I would've looked better in 
tights than the other guy. His legs were 
much thinner than mine—and mine 
looked like a couple of threads hanging 
from my waist. So 1 put my acting career 
n dry dock and went on to more reward- 
ing extracurricular activities, such as 
hanging out at the bowling alley, fight- 
d trying to open my classmates! 
I was soon put into a private 
school for bright kids who couldn't get 
along in the public system. But I still 
didn't know I possessed a brain. 
PLAYBOY: Any particular reason you felt 
like that? 
STALLONE: When I was 16, my mother— 
who always thought I had some talent— 
took me to the Drexel Institute of 
Technology in Philadelphia for tests to 
sce what I was cut out to do in life. At 
the end of three days of extensive testing, 
my mother was told, “Your son is suited 
to run a sorting machine or to be an 
assistant electrician, primarily in the 
area of elevator operations.” In other 
words, I'd be the guy who crawls through 
the trap door of an elevator to tighten 
the cables. My mother was disappointed, 
but then, as parents always do, she re- 
verted to her original beliefs about me. 
Meanwhile, I found it a little shock- 
ing, because I thought Га done great. 
Really, when I was told to put the 
square blocks into the square holes, I did 
it very well. And then it comes out I'm 
one step above being an idiot. I'd always 
been very verbal and I wasn't shy with 
girls, and I thought these things indi- 
cated I had something on the ball. But 
according to Drexel, I belonged in an 
elevator shaft. I wound up feeling like 
an imbecile, a complete moron. 
PLAYBOY: You couldn't have been that 
bad if you went to college. But why the 
American College of Switzerland? 
STALLONE: It was either that or a place 
like the College of the Ozarks. I think 
my mother had read that American Col- 
lege was looking for students because 
the school needed money. Being a 
straight-D student, I figured that if they 
took me, they'd have taken a cretin. І 
guess my mother vicariously wanted to 
go to Switzerland, and that being the 
case, she packed my bags, tearfully drove 
me to the airport and put me on a 
plane to Geneva. 
PLAYBOY: Did that seem rather drastic 
to you? 
STALLONE: It was very drastic. The school 
was in the village of Leysin, about a 
two-hour drive from Geneva and at an 
elevation of about 4500 feet. The lack of 
oxygen kept me dizzy at first, everybody 
was wearing berets and goatees and talk- 
ing French, and 1 didn't know what to 
do. So right away, I decided not to go 


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87 


PLAYBOY 


European but to see if I could get the 
Europeans to go American. I gave it 
about a week. I refused to cat the food, 
go skiing or learn the language. My big 
problem was that I didn't have any 
spending money. Му room and board 
were paid for and the plan was for me to 
find some kind of part-time job. 

PLAYBOY: Did you? 

STALLONE: Well, the first thing I tried was 
panhandling in English, but that didn't 
work. And then I made an important 
friend. Prince Paul of Ethiopia—Haile 
Selassie's grandson or nephew, I never 
was sure which—was a student there, 
and some of the boys trapped him in an 
elevator shaft one day. I helped get him 
out of a sticky situation, and for that, 
he bought me a Volkswagen. But I didn't 
feel like going anywhere, so I sold the 
car, took the money and started my own 
version of McDonald's. There were no 
hamburgers in that town, so I inyented 
a thing called a vacheburger, which was 
part lamb, part beef and part sawdust. 1 
set up a little oven in the garage of an 
abandoned chalet and went into business 
without a license, so I had to keep it 
quiet. I got a couple of aluminum suit- 
cases made up to keep the hamburgers 
warm, and then I got friendly with a 
Swis mountain climber ed Keith. 
His job was to strap the suitcases on his 
back, throw his grappling hook over the 
le of the girls’ dorm, climb up—and 
е orders. 1 made enough money to 
support myself without any problems. 
PLAYBOY: How did you do scholastically? 
STALLONE: The first time our class aver- 
ages were posted, I remember there were 
97 freshmen and I was 97th. I had a 
grade point average of .02. But 1 made a 
comeback before the end of the year. 
When finals ne around, Keith and I 
got into the dean's office and photo- 
graphed our tests. 

The following year, to get out of a 
creative-writing dass, I auditioned for 
the school production of Death of a 
Salesman. ГА never acted before, and 
when it was my turn to read, the drama 
teacher told me to give а poetic speech. 
I got up there and said, “I tell you, 
darling, I can't offer you anything but a 
handful of stars and a slice of immortal- 
ity." I couldn't believe garbage like that 
was coming out of my mouth, but the 
drama teacher liked it. "Not bad for a 
guy who looks like a Neanderthal,” he 
said. "Why don't you play ВИР” 

I thought that was terrific, and we 
gave two performances in front of au 
ences that didn’t understand English. I 
got a very big laugh when I said, * 
don't you give Dad some Swiss cheese: 
Actually, the second time we performed 
it, the audience gave us a standing ova- 
tion, and right then and there, I knew 
what I was going to do with my life: I 
was going to be an actor. At the end of 
my second year, I came back to the U.S. 
and I spent the next couple of years as a 


drama major at the University of Miami. 
And then I got on a plane for New York 
City. I was going to be an actor, period. 
No bones about it. I felt I was a natural 
ham and at the very worst, I could play 
heavies because of my size. I took a room 
in a Manhattan flea trap and to get by, I 
worked nights as an usher at the Baronet 
Theater on 59th Street. That left me 
free to haunt the city during the day, 
looking for acting work. 

PLAYBOY: Were there jobs available? 
STALLONE: Sure there were, but J didn’t 
get any. My first audition was for Sal 
Mineo, who was directing Forlune and 
Men's Eyes. 1 went to an open call and I 
stood outside in sweltering heat for three 
hours, waiting to read for the part of a 
character named Rocky. When I finally 
got into the theater, there was Sal Mineo, 
wearing a straw hat and an carring. As I 
walked up to the stage, he told me, “Try 
to be intimidating.” 1 was very intimi- 
dating. I pushed the stage manager out 
of the way, I threw chairs around the 
stage—I really overdid it. All Mineo said 
was, "Well, I don't find that so intimi- 
dating.” So I jumped off the stage and 
put my finger under his nose and told 


“In my first part, I wore a 
tail, а fright wig that was 
supposed to be pubic hair 
and a huge phallic symbol 
that hung to my knees.” 


him, “Now say it. I'm not in front of 
the footlights now. Tell me I'm not 
intimidating you Mineo id, “OK, 
you're intimidating me—but I don't 
think you're right for the part." And I 
left. For a year or so, I really perfected 
the art of being rejected. 

PLAYBOY: Is that how long it took you to 
land an acting job—a year? 

STALLONE: You got it. My first part was in 
the only play ever written by Picasso. It 
was called Desire Caught by the Tail and 
it was done very far off-Broadway—on 
am Parkway in the Bronx. I played 
otaur. Wonderful рап: I wore a 
а fright wig that was supposed to be 
pubic hair and a huge phallic symbol 
that hung down to my knees. 

We did the play for three wecks in 
front of audiences that averaged about 
seven people a night. At that point, the 
director decided that maybe we needed a 
little something extra at the end, when 
this girl who played the Angel of Death 
kills the Minotaur. The director gave 
her a fire extinguisher and the first time 
we did it that way, she came out dancing 
in sequins, chiffon and a lot of alumi 
num foil—and she let me have it with 


the CO, right in the face. Instant frost- 
bite! Mv lips were frozen shut, my eyes 
were frozen shut—and I'm going crazy 
because I want to kill the director! I was 
rushed to a hospital and after they 
thawed my face out with a heat lamp, I 
turned a splotchy brown from the neck 
up and stayed that way for about four 
months. 

PLAYBOY: Did you begin thinking you 
might have chosen the wrong career? 
STALLONE: Oh, I reconsidered becoming a 
shepherd, but I was committed. The 
show closed after my accident and by 
then, I couldn't get my usher’s job back, 
so I got a job cleaning the lions’ cage at 
the Central Park Zoo. Not too many 
people ever have the thrill of seeing lions 
taking giant leaks. Let me tell you, 
they're accurate up to 15 feet, and after 
a month of getting whizzed on, I quit, I 
couldn't put up with it anymore. Lion 
urine is intensely odorous, and I became 
the only man in New York who invari- 
ably wound up in his own private 
subway car. I told myself, “This is mar- 
velous, Sylvester. You've gotten to the 
point in your life where you're now 
making 51.792 an hour to get pissed on 
by a lion. 

I'd had it with part-time jobs. My act- 
ing career had pretty much fallen apart 
and I resolved to write every day. I took. 
a cheap apartment over an abandoned 
delicatessen on 56th and Lexington and 
painted the windows black, because T 
didn't want to know was night or 
day. I cut off the telephone, cut off the 
electricity, and I wrote by candlelight. 
Except for a crate that served as my desk, 
I had absolutely no furniture. I didn't 
even have a bed; I slept on top of an 
old coat. It was the most pathetic, thrcad- 
bare joint you could hope to see. The 
rent was $71.84 a month and I spent 
most of that year—1972—getting by on 
$30 a week unemployment. 

But I got into writing on a very in- 
tense level, and if it's possible to do such 
a thing, I increased my intelligence that 
year. I'd never read books in college, but 
I began going to the library every day, 
reading the American classics and, in 
the process, becoming somewhat of an 
authority on Edgar Allan Poe. By then, 
Td written a script about my school days 
zerland, and one day I got a call 
that Otto Preminger wanted to talk to 
me about it, My big break! 
Is that what it turned out to be? 
Not exactly. I met Mr. Prem- 
inger at a fancy French restaurant, and 
T'd never been in a French restaur in 

c. 1 was very worried about meet- 
m, because I couldn't afford to 
have my clothes cleaned, and to tell you 
the truth, they smelled. It was a very 
depressing situation: After we sat down, 
he starts talking about the script, and 
Tm thinking about the holes in my shoes. 

But Preminger really was interested in 
the script and asked how much I'd want 


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89 


PLAYBOY 


90 


per week to do a rewrite. I looked at him 
very meckly, crossed my fingers and said, 
“Would you consider $70 too heavy а 
sum?" Preminger looked at me with such 
disdain, as if to s: You're not a writer. 
No writ the world would sell out for 
only $70.” He dropped the script into 
his chocolate mousse and said, “I don’t 
think we have anything further to talk 


about.” A laugh-aminute guy, Otto 
Preminger. 
A year later, I made my first sale. I 


got $2500 for a half-hour script for the 
Touch of Evil television series. Now I'm 
on my way, I thought. I wrote five other 
pts for Touch of Evil—and none of 
them sold. 

PLAYBOY: Was that the low point of your 
years in New York? 

o. because things were look- 
ing up, in a strange way. Sasha and I 
were together by then, and alter she left 
her job as an usherette—we'd met at the 
Baronet—she got a job at a restaurant. 
and I began eating Actors need. 
to get film of themselves, and for that 
reason, a friend and I somehow put to- 
gether $1500 and made a short called 
Horses. It was about a cowboy and an 
Indian who come back to life in 1973 
and find everything so weird that they 
go back into their graves. The film was 
so bad that when I showed it to my 
parents, they actually walked out of the 
room—and they'll normally sit through 
two hours of flower slides. Т decided to 
give up on acting forever. 

PLAYBOY: What got you back into it? 
STALLONE: A stroke of luck. The friend I 
made Horses with had to do a scene for 
his acting cl. id asked me to be in it 
with him. The scene was fr Death of 
а Salesman, which I had down pat, so 
we did it. He was studying at the Her- 
bert Berghof School, and after our scene, 
Berghof came up to me and offered me a 
scholarship. Which I turned down: I was 
through with acting. But Stephen Ve- 
rona was siting in the audience that 
night and six months later, when he got. 
ready to direct The Lords of Flatbush, 
he remembered me and sent me a tele- 
gram to come down and audition for 
him. And that's how I got into my first 
real film. 

PLAYBOY: What about that porn film you 
were supposed to have acted in? 
STALLONE: It was a sexploitatii 
called Party at Kitty and Studs. 1 played 
Studs, who posts a sign on a bulletin 
board inviting people to come to a party. 
About ten people show up and they do a 
lot of kissing and necking, and that: 
about it. By today's standards, the movie 
would almost qualify for a PG rating. It 
was much, much tamer th The Sailor 
Who Fell from Grace with the Sea or 
Don't Look Now. 

PLAYBOY: Weren't you nude in that film? 
STALLONE: Yes, I was. 1 was also starving 
when I did it. Га been bounced out of 
my apartment and had spent four nights 


in a row at the Port Authority Bus Ter- 
minal, trying to avoid the cops, trying to 
get some sleep and keeping my pens and 
books in a 25-cent locker. I mean, I was 
desperate. That's why 1 thought it was 
extraordinary when J read in one of the 
trade papers that I could make $100 a 
day. And the fact that I had to take off 
my clothes to do it was no big deal. 
There wasn't any hard-core stuff in the 
movie, so what did / care? 

The people behind it were a group of 
althy law: nd I 

i se office 
building. But they came up with a tur- 
key. Party at Kitty and Studs was a hor- 
rendous film and was never released. 
PLAYBOY: Didn't they try to semiblack- 
mail you into buying the film айе 
Rocky came out? 
STALLONE: I think they asked for $100,000, 
but I wouldn't buy it for two bucks, and 
my lawyer told them to hit the pike. You 
know, when you're hungry, you do a Jot 
of things you wouldn't ordinarily do, 
and it's funny how you can readjust your 
morality for the sake of self-preservation. 
What's really ridiculous is to get in front 
of a camera in that situation and delude 


— ——— 
“I function so poorly in 
society that when I wasn't 
working on a film, I was 
averaging a fistfight every 
two to three weeks." 


yourself into thinking you're doing some- 
thing artistic. I thought, Well, maybe 
this will be an art film. Bril 
way, though, it was ei 
or rob someone, because 1 was at the 
end—the very end—of my rope. Instead 
of doing something desperate, I worked 
two days for $200 and got myself out of 
the bus station. 
PLAYBOY: You've come a long way since 
then. Rocky may well go down as a 
movie classic, but aren't you pushing 
your luck by doing a sequel -Rocky Л? 
STALLONE: If you have a character that's 
well liked and if you can use the char- 
successful film that has a mes- 
sage applicable to today, why desert him? 
I've never understood that, which is why 
I don't like any of my characters to die. 
Killing them off is just too Heming- 
wayesque for me. I don’t need to have 
my matador on the end of a bull's horn 
and being paraded through the streets of 
Pamplona. I'd much rather have him 
jump on the bull’s back and ride into 
the sunset, and maybe we'll see where 
he goes in the future. 

I like Rocky. To me, he's a 20th Cen- 
tury gladiator in a pair of sncakers and a 


hat, and he's out of sync with the titacs. 
When I first thought about doing Rocky 
II. 1 wanted to have him fight in the 
Colosseum in Rome. I was thinking 
about g him more glamor, but that 
also m iving up the neighborhood, 
the street corner, the guys back in Phil- 
adelphia. If he were to become Conti- 
nental and big-time, I think I'd lose the 
essence of Rocky. Rather than make it 
big, his world should remain within a 
three-block radius in Philadelphia. Fd 
forgotten for a moment that Р 
delphia parallels Rocky Balboa: Is 
never taken seriously. It is the underdog 
of America’s big cities. 

But Rocky will change and grow 
"There's always the death of one facet and 
the birth of another in people's lives. 
He'll see how quickly success is forgotten. 
He didn’t win the championship. He 
gave a good showing of himself; fine. 
He's hot for two weeks, and then he's 
not, and he’s back to being a pug. Well, 
he wants to regain the status and esteem 
he briefly enjoyed. But he knows he's 
$2 and that time is running out on him 
in his profession—and that's where 
Rocky II will start from. 

PLAYBOY: That sounds as if it could be 


your own motivation [or making the 
film. Is it? 
STALLONE: The age part certainly is, be- 


g chased by 
. I think that if I slow down, 
the omnipotent clock is going to catch. 
me and just cut me to pieces with its 
second hand. I feel I have a certain nuin- 
ber of hours and minutes to spend on 
the earth, and I want to accomplish as 
much as I can before the final gong 
sounds. 

ight now, my age is an asset, but it 
will soon be going against me. Most ol 
the films I've devised are youth-oriented. 
The characters themselves are in their 
late 20s and early 30s, so I don't е 
that much time left to play them before 
Ill have to hire younger actors to be in 
my movi 

PLAYBOY: Do you think that will take the 
cdge off your desire to make movies? 
STALLONE: No, because the work itself i 
pure fun for me. Movies are my reality. 
When I step outside the studio, 1 step 


into an alien world, a world I'm not too 
in. When I was a kid in 
the 


comfortable 
Montgomery Hills Junior High, 
teachers voted me the student most 
ly to end up in the electric chai 
without acting and writing, I just might 
have lived down to their expectations. 
Quite honestly, I function so poorly in 
society that when I wasn't working on a 
film, I was averaging a fistfight every two 
to three weeks, and I'm talking about a 
major brawl. 

PLAYBOY: When was your last fi 
STALLONE: About ten months ago. But 
that was because someone had the audac- 
ity to run into the back of my car. I got 
out and said, “Don’t you think you should 


apologize?” And he said, “Go to hell.” 
Td just dropped my son off and I told 
the guy I could've had my kid in the 
car—and he again told me to go to hell. 
Well, I felt obligated, morally and every 
other way, to stretch him. And he was 
stretched. In true Rocky fashion, I hit 
him with a wide, arcing left. It cost me 
$15,000 to throw that punch. 

Anyway, to get back to what we were 
discussing, acting nourishes only the 
egocentric side of me. I like to see myself 
up on the screen, Sometimes that's not 
true because of certain acting choices 
Ive made, but it’s not to the point 
where I'm going to run to a psychiatrist. 
Directing is like an all-encompassing 
thing, sort of like being the coach of a 
team. Writing, though, is almost pure 
croticism for me. When I can produce a 
well-turned phrase or what 1 think is a 
perfect scene, FII jump up from my desk 
and do a cart wheel and almost slam my 
head through a window out of sheer 
ecstasy. One writer creates work for 300 
people and entertainment for 3,000,000 
people, so who's the most important 
person on a film? 

PLAYBOY: Do you think that Stallone the 
writer is absolutely vital to the career of 
Stallone the actor? 

STALLONE: Sure, because other actors have 
to wait for the kind of scripts they're 
looking for, but I can write my own. If 
1 feel it’s time for me to be in an action 
film, ГЇЇ write an action film. If 1 feel I 
need to do a love story, I'll write one. 
Short of brain damage or Providence de- 
ciding to turn its love light off me, I 
really don't think I'll ever get stale as a 
screenwriter. 

PLAYBOY: Do you foresee the possibility 
of one day doing something other than 
act in motion pictures? 

STALLONE: That day will never come. I 
see myself making a vast variety of films 
that will eventually cover just about 
every facet of my fantasy life, And when 
that’s done, I'll begin to shrink in the 
business and I'll probably have to put 
myself into someone else's hands—I'll 
have to direct or act in films written by 
other people, One way to avoid that may 
be to do biographies. For instance, if I 
were to do a film of George Washing- 
ton's life, I'd begin to vicariously experi- 
ence life through his eyes and I could 
direct it and act in it, too. Anyway, at 
the end of it all, Pd just like to be 
beneath a quilt in a nice, warm bed with 
all thc best moments of my films spliced 
onto a giant loop that keeps playing over 
and over and over. And then I figure ГЇЇ 
just slip away into a warm, peaceful 
Valiumlike demisc. Goodbyc, world. 
PLAYBOY: Any idea of what the world's 
response to that is likely to be? 

STALLONE. People who knew me will say, 
“Well, Sylvester was quirky—bur he had 


his moments.” 


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Prelude to Watergate: 


HE 
PLOT TO 
WRECK THE 
GOLDEN GREEK 


Twenty years before Watergate, many of the forces that pla 


yed a 


major role in that political drama took part in an international 
conspiracy against Aristotle Onassis. Those forces included Richard 
Nixon, Warren Burger, Robert Maheu, the CIA and the FBI. 
Their tactics were wire tapping, surveillance, lawsuits, calculated lies 
and the use of private agents in “Mission: Impossible” operations. 


From a new book, Spooks, in which the author details the results of 
four years’ research into the use of secret agents by multinational 
corporations, by powerful individuals and by the Government. 


article By JIM HOUGAN 


Washington, D.C., was a caldron of 
intrigue during the carly Fifties. The 
Cold War was plunging toward the polit- 
ical equivalent of absolute zero and, for 
the American intelligence community, it 
was à time of both danger and derring- 
do—the heyday of the rockem, sock’em 
spook who was lo reshape the pulp- 
fiction spy genre for generations to come. 

The nation’s first real intelligence. 
agency, the CIA, had tripled in size from 
5000 to 15,000 employees during its first 
half-dozen years and, as far as most of its 
Officers were concerned, the agency was 
engaged in fighting an undeclared war. 
Whatever seemed useful was deemed 
essential, and one of the most useful 
things the agency thought to do was to 
circumvent—in a "deniable" way—those 
constraints against domestic operations 
that were imposed by its charter. 

Accordingly, in the Fiflies, the CIA 
established or subsidized an archipelago 
of private-detective agencies and so- 
called public-relations firms—ostensibly 
private businesses that operated with the 
Secret sanction of the Federal intelligence 


community and that did its bidding on 
the home front. This is the story of one 
of those agencies and of one of its 
assignments. 


Two MEN, both in their 30s and con- 
servatively dressed in the fashion of the 
time, walked side by side through the 
halls of the Capitol Building, arriving 
finally at the suite of offices reserved for 


the e President of the U ed States. 
The two were private detective Robert 
A. Maheu and secret operative John 


Gerrity, and they had come to discuss 
with Richard Nixon a plot against one of. 
the world's richest men, Aristotle Onassis. 


"Rose Mary Woods ushered us in and 
gave us the usual coffee tr 


tment,” G 
nervous. You 
could see it. He wasn't used to meeting 
Vice-Presidents and the occasion sort of 
took the wind out of him. 
Nixon сате in and, right off, 
how we were going to take care of the 
Jidda Agreement. And we told him. I 
said that I was going to be a whore, and 
you could see that Quaker face of 
Nixon's turn sour as I said it. But a 
whore in a good cause, I emphasized, 


————_„ ص 


and that seemed to perk 
"Then Nixon gave us the whole Missio! 
Impossible bit. ‘I know you'll be careful," 
he said, ‘and that you're very good at 
what you do. But you have to understand. 
that mistakes can be made by anyone, 
and that, while this is a national-security 
matter of terrific importance, we can't 
acknowledge you in any way if anything 
should go wrong." 

“Hell, we'd both heard that a hundred. 
times before," Gerrity recalls. “It was 
S.O.P., but I could tell that on en- 
joyed saying it. He loved these kinds o£ 
private operations partly because of the 
intrigue but also because there was al- 
ways a lot of money involved. One of h 
jobs was to raise dough for the [Republ 
can] party—and you can bet the oil com- 
off big on this one." After 
agreeing that Nixon would be kept in- 
formed of the operation's progress and 
that the CIA would provide the men 
with necessary (though deniable) backup, 
Maheu and Gerrity departed, and the 
conspiracy was under way. 

A few weeks later, in the spring of 
1954, a mysterious telephone call was 
received by the office manager of Robert 
A. Maheu Associates, a Washington- 
based CIA cover that specialized in 
Federal dirty work. What made the call 
unusual was not just the Etonian accent 
of the caller but also the message he con- 
veyed: He had called to say that he 
could not talk over the telephone but 
that. if the Maheu office manager, Ray 
Taggart, would wait where he was, an 
envelope would be hand-delivered in- 
standy. The contents of the envelope, 
the caller said, would make the Maheu 
agency's next assignment clear. On that 
note, the phone went dead. 

The envelope arrived by messenger 
within minutes. Its contents were a dos- 
т and a photograph of a swarthy Greek 
inessman whose name was on every- 
one’s lips: Aristotle Onassis, the million- 
aire who had just bought Monte Carlo. 
‘The assignment was to proceed with the 
anti-Onassis campaign by installing a 
wire tap against the world-class tycoon, 
The man who placed the phone call and 
arranged for delivery of the envelope was 
L. E. P. Tylor, a top lawyer and confidant 
of Greek shipping magnate Stavros Niar- 
chos, Onassis’ bittersweet business rival 
and relative by marriage (the two had 
married sisters), whose hatred for the de- 
cadent and cutthroat Onassis had all the 
rage and spite of Greek tragedy. It was 
Niarchos, then, who was the immediate 


source of the wire-tap assignment. But, 
as Maheu and Gerrity's earlier meeting 
with Nixon indicates, Niarchos was 
self fronting for other forces in this 
intrigue that was about to span three 
continents and two hemispheres. 
` 

"The images and information that 
spilled from the messenger’s envelope 
that day in 1954 have long since been 
forgotten. But the events they set in 
motion have resonated through Washing- 
ton ever since and, in many ways, are 
with us still. Those events amounted to 
a prelude to Watergate, a private intelli- 
gence operation carried out under the 
rubric of national security and under 
the auspices of Federal officials, for the 
benefit of very special interests. In the 
course of that operation, the piratical, 
charismatic Onassis—friend to divas, 
prime ministers and the Kennedys—was 
attacked and nearly destroyed by the 
upper echelon of the Central Intelli- 
gence Agency, by Vice-President Richard 
Nixon, who presided over the conspiracy 
from his Capitol Hill office, and by War- 
ren Burger, then head of the Justice 
Department’s Civil Division and today 
Chief Justice of the U. S. Supreme Court. 

The purpose of the anti-Onassis plot 
was to preserve monopolies controlled 
by the multinational oil companies; 
cally, the monopoly over full ex- 
ploitation of Saudi Arabian oil held by 
the Aramco consortium—a cartel operat- 
ing as the Arabian American Oil Com- 
pany and consisting, as they are now 
known, of Exxon, Mobil, Texaco and 
Socal. The Aramco companies feared 
that their Saudi hegemony was threat- 
ened by a secret contract—called the 
Jidda Agreement, alter the Saudi city 
in which it was signed—that Onassis 
and an ex-Nazi financier had struck 
with the dying king of Saudi Arabi 
‘The contract would have allowed Onassis 
to ship at least ten percent of all the oil 
flowing out of the Arabian kingdom. 
Everything that could be thrown 
against Onassis was thrown against him. 
Calculated lies were disseminated by the 
paladin spooks of Niarchos, “pollutin 
the foreign and domestic press with mi 
information designed to persuade the 
public that Onassis was a liar, a cheat, a 
criminal and a traitor, The tycoon's New 
York office was wire-tapped by a trio of 
secret agents, while he and his top em- 
ployees were shadowed by Maheu's sur- 
veillance teams, (continued on page 98) 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY HARUO MIYAUCHI 


Onassis was sitting 
pretty, having just 
signed an oil-ship- 
ping contracti —the 
Jidda Agreement— 
with Saudi Arabia, 
However, Nixon 
and the oil giants 
were ready to blow 
him out of the water, 


~  ——— 


PLAYBOY 


98 


Chief executives of the oil multinationals 
pilloried Onassis in the press, appealing 
to the public’s xenophobia and Cold 
War chauvinism: meanwhile, behind the 
scenes, they instituted a boycott of the 
Greek’s supertankers, threatening his mil- 
lions most directly. In Washington and 
Paris, Onassis’ enemies filed lawsuits 
charging him with conspiracy, defama- 
tion and fraud, and accusing him of such 
devious tactics as using disappearing ink 
on his contracts, Eventually, the cam- 
paign became a literal battle, with a 
Peruvian fighter plane bombing and 
strafing an Onassis ship as his fleet plied 
the freezing Humboldt Current in search 


a war within the Cold War, a 
Че by the oil giants to pr 
their absolute control of the world 
mary energy source and by politicians 
nd Federal agencies to preserve their 
productive relationship with the multi- 

ional oil companies. The pattern es 
blished in the affair was one in which. 
the then-fledgling CIA became a foreign- 
policy instrument of multinational cor 
porations—a legacy that is with us still. 
In this, and in many other ways, the anti- 
Onassis plot was a microcosm of the 
recent secret history of the United States. 

Maheu and Gerrity were not the archi- 
tects of this plot, but they were its pri- 
mary instruments. And it is through 
them that the plor unfolded in its most 
sinister detail. 


. 

Robert Aime Maheu was very much а 
part of the heady intelligence milieu of 
the Fifties. An FBI counterintelligence 
hero in World War Two, Maheu subse- 
quently rose dramatically in the bureau's 
ranks while still in his late 20s. 

His last year and a half as an FBI 
agent, however, was a strange time. In 
те 1945, Maheu was transferred from 
New York to a one-man bureau in his 
home town of Waterville, Maine, espe- 
Шу created for him as an accommoda- 
tion to his wife’s supposedly flagging 
health. In 1947, however, Maheu claimed. 
that his wile had experienced a "miracu- 
lous cure." Abruptly, he quit the FBI, 
leaving the bureau that summer with the 
explanation that he had grown bored 
h the same Maine office that had been 
tailor-made for him. 

After abandoning the FBI, Maheu be- 
came a private entrepreneur and pro- 
ceeded to lose a fortune he did not have 
оп a cream-canning process that, in the 
end, did not work. In 1952, he returned 
to Government service, taking an inves- 
tigative post at the Small Defense Plants 
Administration (SDPA), the predecessor 
of the Small Business Administration. 
‘Two years later, in February 1954, he left 
Government once again, this time to start 
his private-detective firm in Washington, 

From the inception of Maheu Asso- 


ciates, its namesake was paid a monthly 
retainer of $500 by the Central Intelli- 
gence Agency, an amount equal at the 
time to the salary of a fulltime middle- 
echelon CIA officer, Since Maheu's name 
had never before been associated with 
the CIA, it seems strange at first glance 
that the agency should have subsidized 
return to the private sector 

The minor mystery of the windfall's 
venance can probably be explained 
in terms of an anomaly found in Maheu's 
Federal file. According to Government 
records, Maheu had accumulated a little 
more than ten years “comp time" to- 
ward a Government pension when he 
re-entered Government service as an 
SDPA investigator in 1952. FBI records, 
howcver, show that Maheu worked for 
the bureau for only six and one half 
years—between December 1940 and July 
1947, when he quit to go into the cream- 
nning business. 

At what Federal office. then, did 
Maheu spend the missing three and one 
half years? Unless the Government made 
an error in computing his comp time, 
Maheu spent only one year out of 
Federal service after leaving the FBI, 
ther than the four and one half years 
that he would haye us believe. 

In this connection, it is important 
to note that the Central Intelligence 
Agency was created in 1947 (the year 
Maheu grew bored with Maine) and be- 
came fully operational in 1948 (the year 
Maheu's cream-canning business started 
going down the tubes). Did Maheu— 
fluent in French and a polished counter- 
intelligence agent to boot—spend his 
"lost years” working for the CLA? It is a 
speculative matter, but the likelihood 
seems re; The CIA stipend that fi- 
nced the spy’s transition from the 
SDPA to private practice in 1954 suggests 
that a prior connection existed between 
him and his Federal benefactors. (That 
would explain both the CIA's largess 
and the conundrum of the lost years. 
Unfortunately, the explanation only con- 
tributes to а larger mystery: If Maheu 
was working for the CIA between 1948 
15 he doing?) 

The sensitivity of the CIA operations 
later entrusted to Maheu suggests that 
the agency had enormous confidence in 
his discretion and abilities, confidence 
that would hardly have been extended to 
an unknown. In 1960, for ins 
Maheu served as a go between 
CIA's attempt. to recruit mafiosi 
Giancana and John Roselli to help assas- 
smate Cuban premicr Fidel Castro. An- 
other Maheu-CIA operation was th 
joint production of a porn flick that pur- 
ported to show a Soviet-bloc leader (be- 
lieved to be Marshal Tito) cavorting in 
bed with a blonde bimbo of unusual 
appetites; in fact, the “Communist lead- 
er” was a Maheu employee, the blonde 


was the employee's wife and the pur- 
pose of the cinematic sophistry was for 
the CIA to distribute the embarras: 
footage in the leaders own country in 
such a way that it would seem to have 
originated in Moscow, and thus another 
rent would be torn in the iron curta 
Not all of Maheu's work was Govern- 
mentrelated in those early days, of 
course. Among his agency's earliest cli- 
ents were powerful Washington attorney 
Edward Bennett Williams and the im- 
mensely horny, catastrophically paranoid 
Howard Hughes. Maheu’s role as a top. 
Hughes operative was to last until 
Thanksgiving 1970, when he was forced 
out of the Hughes organization at the 
time of the billionaire's bizarre disap- 
pearance from Las Vega 
The Hughes Thanksgiving coup, an 
event that would transform Maheu into 
a clandestine celebrity, was far in the 
future, however. In 1954, Maheu's low- 
profile Apparat was its infancy. but 
hardly inexperienced. Indeed, the back. 
ground of those who came to be his 
“associ was a rich cross section of 
service in the American intelligence com- 
munity: Ray Taggart was, like Maheu 
‚ a former investigator in the 

ia, later to become 


ner, w: 
cret Service; John J. 
and ex-CIA; Louis Russell served a 
investigator for the House Un-Am 
Activities Committee, helping Richard 
Nixon probe Alger Hiss (Russell died a 
year after the Watergate burglary, having 
earlier been a partner in James McCord's 
private security firm). 

But, in truth, Maheu ran his shop in 
such a way that it was virtually impos 
sible to tell who was fully employed 
there, who was under cover for some in- 
telligence agency, who was working on a 
temporary contract or who was simply 
hanging around. The business was com- 
partmentalized on a need-to-know basis, 
and Maheu's operatives themselves often 
did not know the full significance of the 
cases they were working on, who their 
1 clients wi ог who was worl 
with them. Maheu also encouraged his 
agents in such practices as using his 
credit cards whenever they liked, so that 
there was no way to tell when they were 
operating on Maheu's behalf and w 
they were on their own. 

. 

In January 1954, a short time before 
Maheu was to leave the SDPA for private 
practice, Greek shipping tycoons Aris: 
totle Onassis and Stavros Niarchos were 
separately indicted by the U.S. Justice 
Department for allegedly having violated 
the Merchant Ship Sales Act—legislation 
enacted in 1946 to prevent the sale of 
U.S. military.surplus vessels to foreign- 
ers. The indictments accused Onassis and 
(continued on page 118) 


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d 


IENEN 


fiction 


BY TOMAS BERGER 


author of “Little Big Man” 


NOW, A TWELVEMONTH HAVING PASSED. it was time for Sir 
те to go and keep his fell appointment with the Green 
ight. Therefore, he bade goodbye to his brothers, his friend 
Launcelot and Arthur, his king and uncle. And to all he said, 
“God alone knows when we shall meet again, whether on 
th or in hea y 

For he believed it likely that he would lose his head, in 
return for beheading the Green Knight, and his own could 


not be returned to his neck. 
As in all true quests, though he had no precise sense of 
where the Green. Knight could be found, he knew he would 


find him eventually by allowing. horse its head; and when 
at dawn he reached a castle, before which his steed stopped, 
рамей the ground and neighed. he applied for entrance to it 
But when the drawbridge was lowered and the portcullis 
aised, and he rode within, he was greeted not by the Green 
Knight but, r; her, by a fine tall lord who welcomed him 
night. 
“1 thank you, most noble waine, “but I cannot 
linger here. For I must needs meet an obligation within the 
next four days, and I do not know how much farther I must 
wel.” And, because this handsome lord looked honest, he 
told him of his appointment with his verdant adversary. 
knight,” said the lord, “I tell you that 1 know this 
green man, whose Green Chapel is just nearby, and it is there 
that you will find him, four days hence and in good time! 
awhile, you must accept my hospitality.” And he led Si 
ne within the castle, which was the most sumptuously 
hed place that Gawaine had ever seen, and the chamber 
where he was led was hung with silks and carpeted in fur soft 
as foam, and nightingales sang in golden cages, and hanging 
lamps burnt Arabic oils with a delicious fragrance and in the 
glow, on a couch of winepurple velvet, lay an exquisite 
woman whose robes were of paleviolet gauze and transparent, 
so that her voluptuous body was revealed in every particu 
Now, Sir Gawaine was taken aback, for he believed that he 
1 been conducted into а bordel and that this seemingly fine 
a loathsome pander. But before he could di 


FIBST LOOK 


atanew novel 


Cn REX 


will the virtuous sir gawaine yield to the willowy dancers? 


the pleasures under the table? the pagan 
feasts? find out in this lusty preview of a new 
novel about the knights of the round table 


for this insult to a 
“Most noble Sir 


at of 
the lord said 
I present my wile.’ 
‚ Gawaine was constrained by the laws of 
as he would any other, and he en- 
decency of her costume as she smiled 
a to the castle, for her ivory body, 
scarcely screened, was far more beautiful than any he had ever 
seen in many years of intimate congress with maids. 

“Now, Sir Gawaine,” said the lord, “whilst you are under 
my roof, all that 1 possess is yours, and the only offense that 
inst me is to refrain from using that which 
Liberty Castle, and the freedom of my 


courtesy to gr 
deavored to ignor 
t him and. welcomed 


you can commit a| 


“My lord,” awaine, "do I understand that you are 
so addicted. to the giving of freedom that you would impose 
i hi 


there is no such mortal upon the earth, 
nd become captives through deni: 
Now, G е believed this an impious theory, but having 
a generous heart, he determined to ponder on it further. 
"Therefore, he now said only, "Mv sole desire currently is but 
for a basin of water and a towel, for my journey hath been 
dusty and I would wash 

“Then come with me, my dear said the lord, and he 
conducted Gawaine to chamber, which was even more 
sumptuously appointed than the one in which his wife lolled, 
and it gave onto a walled garden in which every sort of flower 
n under а warm sun (though elsewhere the day had 

en damp and dreary), and in this garden was a pool, in the 
center of which was the alabaster statue of a nude woman, and 
m cach of her paps flowed a fountain of silvery water, And 
lovely soft music was heard there, though по musicians 
could be seen. 

And saying, "Here you may bathe,” the lord did dap his 
peacock spread its resplendent fan and strutted 
Tying in its beak a little silver bell, the which he 
nd he g it, and three naked small boys, all with 


for all are born free 


hands and 


10 him, 
took, 


OIL PAINTING FOR “PLAYBOY” BY FRANK FRAZETTA 


golden hair and very white skin, came to Sir Gawaine, bearing 
towels as fluffy as clouds. 

“Now,” said the lord, “these tiny retainers will dry you, and 
kiss you as well, and when you have taken your pleasure with 
them, please ring the bell.” 

But Sir Gawaine did start back in dismay. “My lord,” said 
he, “kindly remove these juvenile persons.” 

“Very well,” said the lord, smiling. “I shall summon my 
wife to wash you.’ 

“Nay, my lord, with all respect,” said Sir Gawaine. But 
before he could say he would wash alone, the lord rang the 
bell again and a robust young man appeared, unclad except 
for an iron helmet and brass greaves, and carrying a bundle of 
birches, he smote his other hand with them while smirking 
in genial cruelty. 

“This fellow,” said the lord, “is late masseur to the court 
of Rome, and can soon obliterate the loins’ memory of an 
arduous day in the saddle.” 

"Sir," said Gawaine, “I would wash me alone, and in a 
simple tin basin filled with cold water.” 

“I can deny you nothing,” said the lord, and he summoned 
these things, and. they were brought by a withered hag, and. 
Sir Gawaine dismissed her and was left by himself. 

Now, when he had finished his bathe, he realized he had 
nought to wear but his undergarments and steel armor, and 
therefore he reluctantly rang for his host, for to request the 
loan of a housecoat, but in answer to his summons came 
instead a lovely young maid, her flaxen hair flowing over her 
white shoulders to part at her high round breasts so that the 
orchidaceous tips were revealed, for she was naked, and Sir 
Gawaine, an authority on such matters, judged she was in 
years 16, and in former times she would have been to him as a 
goblet of cool water to a parched throat, but now he hastily 
concealed his secrets with the coarse homespun cloth brought 
him by the hag to dry himself on, and he commanded her to 
fetch her master to him. 

And when, as required by the laws of Liberty Castle, she 
complied instantly with his wishes, Sir Gawaine knew the 
first faint pangs of regret, for though he was no longer the un- 
restrained lecher of old, neither had he become as enervate 
asa eunuch. 

Now, the lord brought him a robe of fine silken stuff and 
trimmed with soft fur, and then he led him to a magnificent 
dining hall, where the table was laden with delicacies from all 
over the earth and the dishes were of pure gold, while the 
goblets were each cut from a solid diamond, and when they sat 
down, they were served by a corps of unfledged maidens, deli- 
cate as primroses, with smooth bodies clad only in sheer lawn. 

And hearing some slight stirring near his knees beneath the 
table, Sir Gawaine lifted the cloth and saw a beautiful child 
with a face of old ivory and dark eyes shaped like almonds. 

“At the very edge of the world," said the lord his host, “on 
the brink of nothingness, live in great luxury a golden-skinned 
people called the Chinee. Now, it is their practice to use in- 
fantile entertainers beneath the tabletop at banquets, to stir 
one appetite by provoking another. This can be especially 
amusing as prelude to an Oriental dish we shall presently be 
offered: live monkey. I shall strike off its crown and we shall 
eat its smoking brains.” And here the lord brandished a little 
silver ax. “I promise you that nothing is more aphrodisiac and 
that soon you will be delirious with lust.” 

But Sir Gawaine declined to partake of the pleasure be- 
neath the cloth, and he begged to have the dish withheld, but 
though he believed this lord a monstrous pervert, he would 
not denounce him under his own roof, for after all, no vileness 
had yet been imposed upon him, but rather merely offered. 

And Gawaine also spurned the larks' eyes in jelly, the cod- 
dled serpent eggs, the pickled testicles of tiger, the Jot, and 
asked instead for cold mutton and small beer, which he in- 
stantly was brought. 


Three temptations led the innocent knight, Sir Gawaine, inta Liberty 
Castle, where lascivious delights and fleshly challenges awaited him. 


Now, after this feast, the lord led Sir Gawaine to a chamber 
where a lovely maid, dressed in many veils, played sweetly 
upon a flute while dancing gracefully, and one by one she 
dropped her veils until with the last one she was revealed to 
be а willowy young man, and when the dance was done, he 
bowed to the floor before Sir Gawaine but facing away. 

But Gawaine said to his host, “Му lord, І am no bugger.” 

Therefore, the lord dismissed the young man, and then he 
said to Sir Gawaine, “Well, I would know what 1 might do 
for you.” 

And Gawaine ‘Nothing, my lord.” 

“So be it,” said the lord. "And now I must leave you, for to 
go hunting, and I shall be away until nightfall. Pray remem- 
ber that even in my absence you can be denied nothing at 
Liberty Castle.” And he gave Gawaine the silver bell that had 
been fetched by the peacock. “Ring this for whatever you 
desire. But now I propose to you a bargain: that when I 
return, we each exchange with the other that which we have 
got during the course of the day when we were apart.” 

Now, Sir Gawaine could see no reason to do this, but he 
was aware by now that the ways of this castle were strange, so 
strange, indeed, as to suggest magic, but whether white or 
black he could not yet say: For though the beastly amuse- 
ments offered him were evil, they may well have been tempta- 
tions in the service of a higher good. And surely courtesy 
required that he respond amiably to this lord, until such time 
as he could determine his purpose. 

Therefore, he agreed to this bargain, for anyway, he had no 
intention to do ought all day but prepare himself spiritually 
for the ordeal to come, when he must face the Green Knight. 

“Good,” said the lord. “Perhaps I shall bring you a brace 
of partridges.”” 

“And if I have nothing to return?” asked Sir Gawaine. 

“Then nothing shall be my reward,” said the lord in a 
merry tone. “But do not forget that our agreement is to be 
considered literally, and that to conceal anything that you 
have received would be to violate your pledge.” 

“My lord,” said Gawaine reproachfully, "I am a knight of 
the Round Table.” 

“Indeed,” the lord said, “and J should strike a bargain with 
no other!” 

Then he left to go ahunting, and scarcely was he gone when 
Sir Gawaine regretted not having asked where the chapel was 
situated within the castle, for he wished to pray there. But 
remembering the little silver bell, he rang it, and in answer to 
his summons, the lord’s wife appeared and she was no more 
abundantly dressed than she had been when he had seen 
her first. 

"Lady," said he, "please direct 


(continued on page 110) 


105 


106 


At right, Simone performs what stunt people quaintly 
coll a jerk-off. It simulates the effect of a bullet striking 
ап oncoming rider. First, stuntmaster Kohana fastens a 
leather vest on Simone; attached to the vest is a long rope, 
which is then fastened to a distant tree. Simone mounts, 
rides and, when the rope plays out—bang!—she's “dead.” 


ON A BLIND DATE with a beautiful brunette, you 
quickly try to impress her with your manliness. “T 
ran five miles today,” you say, “and what did you 
do?” She replies, "I jumped off a threedlat and 
lived." What can you follow that with? Bending a 
beer can with one hand? Nothing. You feel like a 
wimp. "I don't want any wimps hanging around," 
says California-born Simone Boisserée. She's not a 
hard lady, considering her job, which consists of 
falling from great heighis, diving off rapidly moving 
objects and the like. But we wondered if her profes 
sion frightens off some men. "Sometimes. Stunt 
women are thought of as mannish, but the fact is 
that we're almost all very feminine and very bright. 
Of course, a lot of men can't do the things stunt 


playboy 
catches a falling 


star 


When Simone performed a few cf her stunts for one of 
the рілүвоү photographers, he was so impressed he 
nearly enrolled in Kim Kahana's California stunt school. 
Kahana, Simone’s instructor, guides her through the fall 
ot left and congratulates her on a safe landing, below. 
When Simone isn't risking her life and beautiful limbs, 
she likes to stroll the countryside in cosval attire (right). 


Sometime this year, Simone, in premier stunt man/director 
Hal Needham’s rocket car parked behind her at far 
left, will attempt to break the women's land-speed 
record now held by fellow stunt woman Kitty O'Neil. Our 
money is on Simone to do it. She's obviously fast company. 


women do, so naturally, some men are intimidated 
by that." Are there advantages to being a daredevil- 
eue? "Sure. Men find it interesting that a woman 
would want to take on these kinds of challenges." 
So what kind of man makes this cat-girl purr? "I 
like athletic, outdoorsmen types. Men who aren't 
intimidated by my physical skills." Simone just fin- 
ished working in Roger Corman's Deathsport, with 
1970 Playmate of the Year Claudia Jennings, and in 
Clint Eastwood's Every Which Way but Loose, in 


which she rolls out of the path of a speeding car. 
Doesn't she ever get scared, particularly doing falls? 
“Гуе never been afraid of heights. ОЁ course, a 
stunt can be hazardous, But when you fall off a horse, 
you try to find а soft spot to land and when you 
do a high fall, you learn to control your fall by not 
letting your head drop—which, if it does, can throw 
you into a spin. Sure, I want to avoid injury, but I 
also want to make the stunt believable, ‘selling the 
action,’ as we say.” Don't worry, Simone. We're sold. 


109 


PLAYBOY 


ARTHUR REX (continued from page 105) 


“Had he not erected a barrier of teeth, she would 
have thrust her tongue into his throat.” 


me to your chapel, for 1 would fain 
pray.” 

But the lady came to press against him, 
and she put her arms about his neck, and 
she said, “Sweet Sir Gawaine, be kind to 
me, I beg you.” 

And though Gawaine was far from 
being immune to the sensations caused 
by the pressure of her luxuriant body 
(and graciousness would not allow him 
to thrust her away), he had the strength 
of soul to remain modest, and he said, 
“Lady, this is not proper.” 

“I speak of kindness and not propri- 
ety,” cried the lady, and she held him 
tightly and her warm breath was against 
the hollow of his neck. 

“Lady,” said Gawaine, “methinks I 
now understand the test to which I am 
being put at Liberty Castle, where all 
temptations of the flesh have been of- 
fered me, but, in fact, not even when I 
was a notable lecher did I frequent 
children, persons of mine own gender 
nor other men’s wives.” 

Now, this beautiful lady did fall 
against him, weeping. "You are the de- 
fender of women,” said she, "and I am 
in distress." 

"Then let me get my armor and my 
weapons," said Sir Gawaine, "and tell 
me who would abuse you." 

“Tis no person," said the lad 
am rather tormented by a sense that my 
kisses are obnoxious, for my lord hath 
avoided me lately." And she lifted her 
mouth to him, the which was moist and 
red. 

"Your breath, lady," said Gawaine, 
"is fragrant as the zephyrs of spring. I 
cannot believe that your kisses are re- 

ve. 

“Well,” said the lady, "then there 
must be something offensive in the touch 
.” And she pursed these for his 


said Sir Gawaine. “They are 
flawless as the rose. 

“Yet,” said she, “you cannot be certain 
unless you press them to your own.” 

"Perhaps that is true," said Sir 
Gawaine. "But should I be the one to 
make this test?” 

“But who other?" asked the lady. “I 
cannot subject my husband to it, for it 
is precisely he who I fear finds me ob- 
noxious. And any man who is not a 
knight of the Round Table could never 
be trusted." 

“Trusted, lad: asked Gawaine, en- 
deavoring to loosen her clasp, which 


ı10 had now been lowered to his waist, to 


the end that their bellies were joined. 

“A knight of lesser virtue, enflamed 
by my kiss, alone with me, my lord 
being in the remote forest, I attired 
lightly as I am, he in a robe of fine thin 
stuff that betrays the least stirring of 
his loin” 

Sir Gawaine said hastily, "Certes, I 
am trustworthy in this regard. Now, 
lady, your argument hath moved me. I 
shall accept one kiss from you, for the 
purpose of examining i 

And the lady forthwith crushed her 
hot mouth against his lips and had he 
not clenched his jaws and so erected a 
barrier of teeth, she would have thrust 
her tongue into his throat so far as it 
would go, for it battered against his 
gums with great force. 

And when he at last broke free, he 
said, “Your kiss is sweet, I assure you. 
But perhaps it is given too strenuously.” 
And, truly, his lips were full sore. And 
then he said, “As guest in Liberty Cas- 
de, my wish, which must be honored, is 
that this test be taken as concluded.” 
‘Therefore, as she was constrained to do 
by the laws of the place, the lady went 
away. 

Now, when the lord returned from 
his hunt, he came to Sir Gawaine, say- 
ing, “Well, here you are, sir knight, a 
brace of fine fat partridges, the which 
are my gain, and all of it, from a day in 
the forest. Now, what have you got here 
that, according to our agreement, you 
shall giye to me?” 

“As 1 predicted,” said Sir Gawaine, 
"I have nothing to give you, having 
received nothing." 

“1 beg you to re-examine your mem- 
ory,” said the lord. "Surely you received 
somcthing during my absence that you 
had not previously got." 

And Sir Gawaine was ashamed, first for 
his failure of recall, and then for what 
he must needs confess. 

“I received a kiss, my lord," said he, 
coloring. But then he realized that he 
was not obliged to say who had kissed 
him; and the situation at Liberty Castle 
was such that there were many possible 
candidates. 

“Very well, then,” said the lord, smil- 
ing. "Pray, give it me: 

Now, Gawaine's shame was increased, 
for he understood that the terms of the 
agreement were absolute, but manfully 
he did purse his lips and press them to 
the cheek of the lord. 

“Now,” said the lord, “is this precisely 


how уоп received this kiss, and did the 
giver thercof make a similar grimace?” 

Sir Gawaine hung his head and said, 
“Nay, my lord.” And then gathering his 
strength, he lifted his mouth to the 
lord’s and, doing his best to simulate the 
tender expression of the lady, kissed him 
full upon the lips. 

"Splendid!" said the lord. "Y. 
truthful knight of much worship. 

Now, the following day, the lord came 
to Sir Gawaine once again, and he an- 
nounced to him that he would make the 
same exchange with him as he had done 
the day before. But Gawaine did protest 

inst this. 
ir,” said the lord, “I took you for a 
courteous knight. Are Arthurs men 
given to such rudeness?’ 

“With all respect, my lord,” said Ga- 
е, “I am fasting for my appointment 
with the Green Knight, and therefore I 
cannot eat game.” 

“Then I shall bring to you some other 
goods of the forest,” said the lord, and 
then he looked narrowly at Sir Gawaine. 
“Sir,” said he, “methinks you worry that 
you will have to give me another kiss.” 

Now, though this was quite true, Sir 
Gawaine could hardly confess to it with- 
out being discourteous in the extreme, 
and therefore he bowed and said, “My 
Jord, I make this pact with you once 
again. 

But so soon as the lord left the castle 
this time, Gawaine, eschewing the use of 
the silver bell and hoping thereby to 
elude the Jady, went alone in search of 
the chapel, but though he looked every- 
where, he could not find it. Therefore, 
he returned to the chamber where he 
had spent the night and knelt by his 
bed, clasping his hands in the attitude 
of prayer, but before he could begin his 
orisons, the lady appeared from по- 
where and embraced him. 

Then he rose with difficulty and, free- 
ing himself gently from her, he said, 
“Lady, it would be indecent for me to 
talk you at this time. Pray, let us 
wait until your husband returns from the 
hunt.” 

But the lady said, “Sir, remember 
your sworn duty to all women! Once 
again, I require your aid, and the vows 
you have taken will never allow you to 
deny me.” And she drew aside the trans- 
parent stuff that swathed her bosom, and 
she bared her breasts absolutely. 

“Ah,” she cried, “you start back, just 
as does my husband when I undress be- 
fore him! Then it is as I fear: My bosom 
is hideous.” 

“No, that is not true, lady,” said Sir 
Gawaine. “Between waist and shoulders, 
you are very beautiful.” 

“Do you say my mammets are round?" 
asked the lady. 

“Very round,” said Sir Gawaine. 

(continued on page 232) 


area 


ALICE COOPER, rock star 

To be good in bed, you must be pas- 
sionate, inventive, considerate, inexhaust- 
ible and an insufferable bastard. I always 
carry a big snake. 


CHERYL TIEGS, top model 

1 like somebody very sensitive and 
gentle, sometimes. The first thing I look 
at is a man’s face, then his over-all 
body—1 don't think 1 could be attracted 
to somebody who had a flat ass. But 
really, the more involved 1 am with a 
person mentally, the better it is. Just 


WHAT DOES 
"GOOD IN BED" 
MEAN? 


do these celebrities know 
something you don’t? 
the answer is “yes,” “no” 


and an unqualified “it depends” 


pure sex for the sake of sex, without be- 
ing mentally attracted to the person, 
doesn’t really turn me on. 

Yes, being good in bed is important, 
but a lot of times the answer to that 
question is sleep. I work 12, 14 hours a 
day sometimes and it’s all I can do to 
get undressed and flop into bed. 


CHEVY CHASE, comedian 

Sleep, a really good night's sleep. Oh, 
you mean like sex? Well, I've heard 
about sex, but never in bed. In a chair, 
anywhere else, (continued on page 138) 


Ата А 


eS 
Founded January 28, 1878 


35 Cents 


Above: On your knees, sons of Eli. 
This building is the campus land- 
mark, Harkness Tower, and in 
front of it is a statue of Abra- 
ham Pierson, Yale's first president. 


BACK TO CAMPUS 


attire By DAVID PLATT 


Playboy Picks Students from Yale, Cornell 
and Brown to Model College Clothes 


NEW HAVEN—Sane and sensible with a dash of spice is how PLAYBOY sees this fall's 
collegiate fashion scene. Descending on the Yale campus in a pad on wheels replete 
with bar, bathroom and racks of threads (how else would a crew from PLAYBOY 
travel2), the magazine's staff and photographer selected four undergrads to model the 
styles pictured on the opposite page. From some of the stories that have circulated, 
we'd say that a good time was had by all—with more than just a bit of ham coming 
out of the closet. Professional modeling is a specialized craft that’s probably not in 
the offing for senior psychobiology major Tinker Doggett, however. Doggett wasn't 
too apt at tying a tie—and you'll notice he never managed to get his shirt collar 
buttoned, either. Nor will he be likely to become a tailor; when the cuffless trousers 
he was given to model proved too long, Doggett altered them—with a stapler. Still, 
he finished the shooting lookin’ good, as did his three compadres: Peter White, Robb 
Brown and Jim Williams. White, who plays defense for the football team, appro- 
priately wore a bulky knit V-neck. (erAvsov took one look at him in his football 
jersey and said he could wear anything he wanted to.) Brown came on in a reversible 
bomberstyle jacket featuring a ribbed waist and cufls and a biswing back, and 
Williams chose a brushed-cotton sports coat. They never dressed this way at Mory’s. 


Above: This handsome chap with the 
infectious smile is Tinker Doggett, a 
21-year-old Yale senior from Lookout 
Mountain, Tennessee. Doggett’s major: 
psychobiology. Doggett’s extracurricular 
activity: swimming team. Doggett’s fu- 
ture plans: maybe teach. Maybe take a 


year off. 


inker's still tinkering around. 


Right: Faster than a speeding bullet 
and able to leap small pileups in a 
single bound, that’s Peter White, 
Yale's reliable defense man. Off the 


gridiron, he's majoring in history. 
Next step for White, maybe grad 
school. Below: Recognize this joker? 
It’s senior Robb Brown, a 21-year-old 
theaterstudies major from Yardley, 
Pennsylvania. Brown knows his craft 
well; look for his name in lights. 


Above: You're looking at Jim Williams, a junior 
from California, who's a lifeguard in his spare 
time. Right: There are Brown and Williams 
getting used to their new look and (far right) 
Williams with coed Tracy Ball. Lucky Jim. 


Yale! Yale! The gang's all here. It includes, from left to right: 
Peter White, who wears an acrylic bulky cable-knit V-neck, by 
Jockey International, $30; over a flannel shirt, by John Henry, 
$22; and khaki slacks, by Country Britches, $45. Robb Brown, 
who's having a close encounter here with undergrad Mary 
Martin, also likes his reversible bomber-style jacket, by Jupiter of 
Paris, about $50; cotton “daeskin’ shirt, by Gant, $25; tweed 
slacks, by Jupiter of Paris, $47.50; and a cowhide belt, by Frye, $8. 


Next, there's the irrepressible Tinker Doggett in a wool tweed 
three-piece suit, $275, and a plaid flannel shirt, $24, both from 
Chaps by Ralph Lauren; worn with a half-knotted plaid tie, by 
Resilio, about $12.50; and a cowhide belt, by Frye, $8.50. End 
man Jim Williams favors a brushed-cotton jacket, by Sal Cesa- 
rani, about $145; a plaid Western-style shirt, from Lee, $19; с 
sleeveless acrylic crew-neck, by Banff, about $20; and a pair of 
prefaded denim jeans with flared legs, by Wrangler, about $17. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY BRUCE LAURANCE / PRODUCED BY HOLLIS WAYNE 


r 
саа WEATHER 
Member of The xum 
A.P. and ОРІ Hi 48 
“Ithaca’s Only Morning Newspaper” 
VOL. XCIV—132 ITHACA, NEW YORK 20 PAGES—IS CENTS 


N A I 
i \ 
Above: Doug Pollack, a 22-year-old microbiology 


major, has, since the photo session, moved on to 
bigger and better things: dental school and a 


rruACA—Neither wind nor rain 
nor broiling sun could keep 
PLAYBOY from going far above 
Cayuga’s waters to Cornell as 
part of the magazine's annual 
look at campus fashions. But be- 
cause of the school’s climatic 
reputation, it came really loaded 
down with cold-weather garb— 
burly corduroys, heavy scarves, a 
yariety of hats and heavy flannel 
shirts—to be fitted to a hip col- 
legiate quartet: Girish Reddy, 
Doug Pollack, Robert Birch and 
Michael Patota. It was also sug- 
gested that while local social life 
may not afford many opportuni- 
ties for dressing up, smart stu- 
dents should have at least one 
three-piece suit in the closet for 
that occasional faculty tea, frater- 
nity wingding or trip to the Big 
Apple. A handsome herringbone 
tweed model (it comes with a 
five-button vest) such as the one 
Birch is wearing on the opposite 
page looks good coordinated or 
split up—as the coat goes equally 
well with a pair of jeans. And the 
same can be done with the match- 
ing corduroy jacket, vest and 


Above: Whoever illustrates the 
Hardy Boys books’ covers would 
love this building. It's McGraw 
"Tower, a Cornell landmark that 


was erected in 1891. (Chimes in 
it play the Cornell Changes.) 
Golly, Frank. Isn't that a light in 
McGraw Tower? Let'sinvestigate. 


winter filled with skiing. Below: "That's 20-year- p 

old Robert Birch, a Binghamton, New York, per. а 
senior, sitting on a rock and thinking about indus- 

trial and labor relations, his college major. Birch 
also is a reporter for the campns newspaper and 
seryes on the campus council. (His next goal is law 
school.) As Steve Martin would say, a busy guy! 


Above: Senior Mike Patota, an indus- 
trial and labor relations major, pauses 
on the way to class. Next stop: law school. 
Left: Girish Reddy has come a long way 
from India to attend Cornell. His ma- 
jor: business and public administration. 


Above: Smile, guys, you're on coed Julianna Simon's candid cam- 
era. Below: That's Cornell’s Doug Pollack ot for left in a matching 
carduroy jacket, $60, vest, $22, and slacks, $23, plus a flannel 


shirt, about $19, all from Lee; and a corduroy cap, by Byer-Ralnick 
for Dobbs, $11. Next is Robert Birch, wearing a jacket and vest, 
by Cricketeer, $175 (trousers not shown); a flannel shin, by 
Career Club, about $15; and prewashed jeans, from Levi's Mavin’ 


а 


On, cbout $22. On the flip side of Julianna: Mike Patota in o 
cowhide parka, by London Fog, about $180, including scarf; o 
flannel shirt, from Chaps by Ralph Lauren, $32.50; corduroy slacl 
from Bugle Boy, $30; and o wool cop, by Kangol, $10. Finally, 
rish Reddy in a quilted parka, $65, knit cap, $5, and scarf, $9, all 
from Mad Man; a turtleneck, by Male Sportswear, about $21; slacks, 
by A. Smile, about $24; and boots, by J. M. Herman Shoe, $78. 


Brow 


erald 


VOLUME CXII.NUMBER 50 


PROVIDENCE. R.1 


PRICE FIFTEEN CENTS 


PROVIDENCE—The Ivy League may 
have been the scene for PLAYBOY'S 
annual back-to-campus fashion fore- 
cast, but the clothes chosen were a 
far cry from what is popularly 
known as the Ivy look. We'd say 
that there definitely is a trend to 
more British fabrics and patterns 
(tweeds, flannels, checks and plaids) 
in both suits and sports jackets. The 
over-all impression is that college 
guys are returning to a more classic 
(perhaps we should say classier) 
mode of dress than has been seen on 
campus in recent years. Of course, 
manufacturers are also putting a 
heavy emphasis on casualwear—es- 
pecially rugged sports-inspired styles. 
They make a colorful counterpoint 
to the more conservative elements of 
a well-rounded collegian’s wardrobe; 
a wool tweed three-piece suit and a 
couple of sports jackets, for example. 
‘The guys PLAYBOY chose from Brown 
to model the outfits (Stephen Sabo, 
Perry Richardson, Bruce Todesco 
and Steven Bloom) definitely dug the 
clothes they wore. They dug them 
so much, in fact, that they wanted 
to hang on to the threads after 
the shooting was over, Smart lads. 


Above: If you're an incoming 
freshman, you'll earn brownie 
points if you arrive on the 
Brown campus knowing that 
this imposing building is 
Sayles Hall and that it was 
built in 1879. The statue in 
front of the building is none 
other than Marcus Aurelius. 


Above right: Isn't that Al Pacino behind those Foster Grants? No, it's film-making 
buff Steven Bloom rehearsing for his next production, John Dillinger Goes to College. 
Below left: There’s Perry Richardson, a psychological-anthropology major, doing a 
little field research in Nassau with a friendly native, Sarah Edgett. Below center: 


Here you see senior Bruce Todesco (he's the one wi 


the beard) taking out his ag- 


gressions on the rugby field after а day of hitting the English and philosophy books. 
Below right: Yes, that's Stephen Sabo, Brown's d.j., taking a smoke break. Sabo, who 
teaches a cardiopulmonary-resuscitation course, will soon apply to medical school. 


On this page: candid views of our Brown men and a 
delightful campus sight, coed Melissa Tannen. They're 
all together in the picture at upper right. Stephen Sabo 
is wearing a three-piece suit, by Hospel Bros., about 
$175; a pinstripe shirt, by John Henry, $18.50; and a 
wool tie, by Resilio, $12.50. Next, there's Bruce Todesco 
in a windbreaker, by Gant, $37.50; a polyester/cotton 
crew-neck, by»Career Club, $13; and corduroy slacks, by 
Jupiter of Paris, $27.50. Third is Perry Richardsan, wear- 
ing a wool jacket, about $145, matching scarf, $28.50, 
апа cop, $18.50, all by Larry Kane; plus а wool turtle- 
neck, by Pendleton, about $45; and wool slacks, by Coun- 
try Britches, $65. Last, Steven Bloom sports a knit pullover, 


by Banff, about $30; a plaid flannel shirt, by Levi's 
Sportswear, about $21; cotton velveteen slacks, by Sedge- 
field, $37.50; and a wool cap, by Kangol, about $10. 


PLAYBOY 


GOLDEN GREEK 


(continued from page 98) 


“The Onassis indictment caused a sensation in the 


press. As the plotters had planned.” 


Niarchos (as well as, eventually, several 
other Greek shipowners) of circu: 
ing the acts intent by organ 
consortium of prominent Americans to 
front for them in the purchase of used 
"F2 tankers from the Government. 

"The indictments had been kept secret 
for more than six months while the ship- 
owners lawyers negotiated with U.S. 
officials. Heading those negotiations for 
the Government was Assistant Attorney 
General Warren Burger, a Republican 
lawyer from Minnesota who had been 
appointed chief of the Justice Depart- 
ment' Civil ision by President Eisen- 
hower in 1958 and who had prepared 
the Onassis and Niarchos indictments. 
Burger's superior at Justice was Herbert 
Brownell, Jr., a Republican kingmaker 
(he picked Nixon for the G.O.P. Vice- 
Presidential slot іп 1952) and ап erst- 
while New York lawyer (of the law firm 
Lord, Day & Lord). Oddly enough, it was 
Lord, Day & Lord that had advised Onas- 
sis in the late Forties that the tanker pur- 
chase was a lawful one, and Brownell 
himself had personally provided the same 
advice to a colleague of Onassis’. Now 
Brownell, having risen to Attomey Gen- 
eral, was indicting Onassis, Niarchos and 
the others for taking his own advice! 

During the months that the secret in- 
dictments were being negotiated, Onassis 
was spending a large amount of his time 
working out the Jidda Agreement. With 
the agreement finally signed, he returned 
to the U.S. (against his lawyer’s advice) 
to settle what he believed to be a mere 
legal nuisance involving surplusship pur- 
chases that had taken place years before. 

So it was that, while Junching in New 
Yorks Colony Restaurant on February 
5, 1954, Onassis was not much disturbed 
to find that a U.S. marshal was waiting 
for him. In compliance with the marshal's 
subpoena, Onassis went to Washington 
three days later for his arraignment. Ed- 
ward J. Ross, who represented Onassis 
in the matter, recalls the affair as being 
something of a legal circus: 

“They took Ari down to a cell to be 
booked, mugged and fingerprinted. I 
wanted to be with him, but the marshals 
wouldn't let me, so we compromised and 
they locked me in a nearby cell with 
some of the wildest creatures I've ever 
seen in my life. Later 1 found out who 
they were: the Puerto Ricans who'd just 
bombed Congress.” 

On the flight back to New York, Ross 
says, he confided to Onassis that “ ‘for 


118 someone with all your wealth, you sure as 


hell have a lot of problems.’ Ari nodded, 
and then he said, ‘I know, and it's be- 
ginning to worry те" 

The Onassis indictment caused a sen- 
sation in the press. In the eyes of the 
public, Onassis had replaced Croesus as 
a metonym for immense wealth. He was 
a romantic figure, dark and sybaritic, a 
Levantine Horatio Alger with headquar- 
ters aboard the Christina, a floating 
mansion replete with suites, El Grecos, 
its own hospital, movie theater and a lot 
more. 

When a man of Onassis’ wealth and 
stature shifted from the society and fi- 
nancial pages of the daily newspapers to 
those reserved [or news pix of manacled 
men with newspapers over their heads, 
the public took notice. As the plotters 
had planned. Public opinion was, as we 
shall see, a central element in the con- 
spirators' strategy. 

"The early months of 1954 were key to 
the plot. In mid-January, Onassis final- 
ized his secret pact with the Arabs, win- 
ning the right to ship at least ten percent. 
of all the oil produced in Saudi Arabia, 
return for cash payments and a prom- 
ise to train a Saudi merchant marine. 
"That, of course, was perceived as a direct 
threat by the Aramco consortium— not 
only because their monopoly over all 
phases of Saudi oil production, as finely 
tuned as an Apollo launching, could 
brook no intervention but because a 
Saudi merchant marine capable of ship- 
ping oil could become a first step toward 
Saudi self-sufficiency in the petroleum 
business. Thus, with the contract a fait 
accompli (and its full terms still secret), 
the multinationals turned to the politi- 
cians and the spooks for help in prevent- 
ing its implementation. Like his old 
nemesis John Gerrity, longtime Onassis 
confidant Constantine Gratsos is emphat- 
ic when he attributes the conspiracy 
gainst his ex-boss to the oil compani 
regarding Maheu and the others as 
lackeys. 

Certainly, it was a busy time. Only two 
weeks after the signatures had dried on 
the Jidda Agreement, Onassis was pub- 
licly indicted by Brownell and Burger for 
having violated the Merchant Ship Sales 
Act. The indictment was hardly an im- 
pulsive gesture, having been under con- 
sideration for at least two years. It 
stemmed from hearings held in 1951 by 
a Senate committee whose members in- 
cluded the up-and-coming California 
Republican Richard Nixon. The actual 
preparation of the indictment had been 


undertaken in 1953 about the time Onas- 
sis began discussions with the Saudis. 
Making that indictment public in Febru- 
ary 1954 increased the pressure against 
both Onassis and the Government, hard- 
ening the lines between them: The legal 
negotiations between Justice and the 
tycoon's lawyers, suddenly a public issue, 
became increasingly brittle, 

Meanwhile, before February turned to 
March, the indictment against Niarchos 
was also made public, increasing the 
pressure on him to cooperate in the anti- 
Onassis plot. And, within days of the 
Niarchos indictment, Maheu once again 
decamped from Federal service and es- 
tablished his CIA-for-hire office in Wash- 
ington, with the contract to bust the 
Jidda Agreement—ostensibly awarded by 
Niarchos—as one of his first assignments. 

Tt was about this time, in the spring 
of 1954, Gerrity recalls, that Nixon de- 
livered his Mission: Impossible speech, 
setting the spooks on Onassis. Maheu 
offers a somewhat different version of 
events, claiming that it was he, while on 
contract to Niarchos, who "persuaded 
the Government that national security" 
was at stake. 

As we have seen, however, Nixon's 
involvement in the affair dated back to 
his tenure on the Senate committee that 
sparked the indictment against Onassis. 
Moreover, there is reason to believe that 
Nixon needed no persuasion to join the 
oil giants in their anti-Onassis battle. 
According to Drew Pearson's Diaries, 
1949-1959, the columnists sources told 
him that Nixon's election to the Vice- 
Presidency in 1952 had been the result of 
what Pearson called a "conspiracy," in 
which the major oil companies allegedly 
poured а fortune into С.О.Р. coffers on 
Nixon's behalf. 


. 

Following their meeting with Nixon 
in the spring of 1954, Gerrity and Maheu 
divided their anti-Onassis activities and 
went their separate ways: While Maheu 
remained in Washington to oversee the 
campaign’s clandestine, or “black,” as- 
signments, Gerrity flew off to Europe to 
conduct a veritable propaganda war 
against Onassis. “I was a one-man А.Р.” 
Gerrity recalls. “You can't imagine how 
busy 1 was.” 

A rugged ex-Marine and onetime for- 
eign correspondent, Gerrity is equally at 
home in the worlds of journalism and 
intelligence. Formerly 2 Washington 
Post reporter, he is remembered by col- 
leagues as a good reporter of the old 
school, though “something of a mystery 
man.” Indeed, the editor of a large 
East Coast newspaper describes Cerrity 
as his mentor, remarking that it was Ger- 
rity who taught him, while a cub report- 
er, how to write a lead and work a story- 

In the years after he left the Post in 

(continued on page 182) 


Dracula 


Country 


playboy’s all-star ghoul keeper tours transylvania 


“М 


aide BY барап Wilson 


SECURITY AT ROMANIA's Otopeni Airport is se- 
vere but gently done. My wife, Nancy, and J are 
politely separated—it’s weird to have come so 
far with her, to such a strange place, only to see 
her led away—and we are searched in curtained 
booths; she by uniformed women, I by lean 


young soldiers bearing automatic weapons. 
‘The soldiers are thorough but never rude, and 
though they constantly watch your eyes, they 
are careful to make comforting little jokes. 
We're rejoined after the search and walked 
over to a customs official with a fixed smile who 
misses nothing. At the instant our passports 


119 


are stamped, a dark man of medium 
height appears and introduces himself as 
our official guide from the Ministry of 
"Tourism. His name is Nick (I like the 
Mephistophelean ring to it) and his looks 
and bearing put me very much in mind 
of Peter Lorre when Lorre was trim and 
fit. We shake hands all around and he 
es with a pleasantly sinister affability. 
"I understand you are interested in 
Dracula.” He says it Dral-koo-lah, exact- 
ly like Bela Lugosi! 


I don't know just when it dawned on 
me that there actually was a Transyl- 
vania. For years, like any other growing 
American kid, I'd assumed it was pure 
that Bram Stoker had made it 
suitable working locale for his 
fiend vampire, as L. Frank Baum had 
made up Oz for his Wizard and Tin 
Woodman. Certainly, Stoker's descrip- 
tions of the place, its towering, wolf- 
haunted mountains, its crumbling castles 
reeking with ancient evil, did not seem 
particularly credible to a lad of the mild 
Midwest. And who could believe in the 
bleak strangeness of the Borgo Pass or all 
those peasants with their dark legends 
and ceric superstitions? 

А tough old man wearing a cap and a 
turtleneck sweater is waiting for us in 
the reception arca. He gives us a friendly 
glre with his brightblue eyes, scoops 
up our baggage and glides off ahead of 
us into the crowd, dodging interference 
smoothly as we saunter along behind. 

“I thought,” says Nick, “we might start 
by visiting Snagov—site of the grave of 
Dracula. It seems appropriate, don't you 
think?" 

Nancy and I exchange glances. It's 
n a long trip and we hoped for a 
rest, but who can resist Dracula's grave? 
"phe old man is stowing our luggage in 
the trunk of the black Mercedes as we 
come down the steps, but he's at the doors 
and got them open before we're near 
the car. He tucks us in back, giving 
Nancy a fatherly but appreciative smile 
and me a respectful nod, then ushers 
ick into the front. As we get under 
way, Nick twists around and hands us 
our itinerary. I glance at it casually, 
wishing we could at least have a short 
nap; then my fatigue vanishes and I go 
back to its start, carefully reading each 
precious word. There, written in a small, 
precise hand on bluelined pages torn 
from a notebook, are the names of places 
I have dreamed of seeing for years. I pass 
it to Nancy. 

"It's perfect," 1 tell her. “It couldn't 
be better.” 

I got my first hints about Dracula the 
same way I got those about sex and other 
dark, forbidden things; from whispers 
from another kid, far away from 
grownups. 

The kid was Bobby Marty, and he'd 
sneaked out of Evanston to Howard 
Street, on the Chicigo-Evanston border, 
which was pretty daring right there, and 
he'd gone into a Chicago movie theater 
where they showed pictures Evanston 
didn't, and he'd seen a rerun of the first 
Lugosi moyie and it had scared him 
silly. In an attempt to pass the scare on 
to me, he told me the whole story, acting 
out the parts, mostly that of Dracula, of 
course, and providing sound effects, in- 
cluding a really swell stake being driven 
into a human chest. I admired the 
strangeness of his version of the Lugosi 


accent and enjoyed the stalking and the 
way he clawed his hands and waved 
them about, but what determined me to 
take, in turn, that perilous expedition to 
Howard Street to see the movie for my- 
self was the sinister, toothy smile that 
played on Bobby Marty's mouth. 

The tough old chauffeur has taken off 
his cap now and revealed he's bald as a 
vulture. A driver of the Ian Fleming 
persuasion, he's belting the Mercedes 
along as fast as it can be done safely. 

I'm terrified, at first, sure we'll all be 
killed before we get to Snagov or even 
out of sight of the airport, but then I 
see how he handles his passing, and how 
sudden stops ahead never take him by 
surprise, and relax. Nancy, I learn later, 
has complete trust in him from the st 

The traffic he's weaving us through so 


expertly is interesting: eccentric black 
tricycles, the men driving the sputtering. 
motors, their wives or girlfriends holding 
long loaves of bread in the sidecars; 
trucks with two or three sections joined 
by accordion pleating; lots of Dacias, 
the Renault-styled national car, the only 
one they make; plenty of bicycles, many 
built for two, and. here and there, an 
oxcart. 

We turn oft into a forest and the road. 
gets narrower and the traffic turns into a 
holiday parade, everybody heading for a 
picnic, family cars stuffed with baskets 
and big rubber balls, dogs lolling out 
the windows. We roll into a fairsized 
parking lot cleared out of the woods, 
leave the car with the old man and head. 
for a pier bedecked with bright flags 
where a man is renting all kinds of 


boats. Nick selects a broad sturdylooking 
rowboat and we push off through the 
water, thick with lilies bright in the sun, 
Nick on the one oar, me on the other 
and Nancy in the prow, trailing her 
fingers in the water. Nick, grinning, 
mentions that the catfish in the lake 
are so big they commonly eat the ducks. 
Nancy laughs but leaves her fingers 
where they are. She's been to Africa 
with me, the Yucatán, scaricr places 
than this. 

I was fortunate. I did not see Dracula 
first on a tiny TV screen in, God help 
us, someone's living room; I saw it as it 
was designed to be seen: in a dark, 
cavernous theater, a glorious Gothic 
barn decorated with peeling murals and 
sagging tapestries. I did not understand 
then that I was in some film mogul's 
dream of European elegance, but I did 
know it was supposed to be a sort of 
palace. 1 doubt if I was aware that all 
the cracked and dusty grandeur looming 
about me lent poignancy to Lugosi's 
wistfully sinister line, “It reminds me of 
the broken battlements of my own castle 
in Transylvan but I did relish the 
booming acoustics that made the deep, 
alien voice echo and rumble, and I well 
knew the sheer size of the spectacle, the 
acreage of the screen that allowed such a 
vast spreading of that cloak, was vital to 
the over-all effect. 

The island's up ahead now, getting 
closer with each stroke of the oars. І 
recognize it from the pictures I've seen 
of it, by those towers topped with By- 
zantine crosses, but the pictures always 
showed it in autumnal gloom, not in 
sparkling sunlight surrounded by willows 
in shiny summer green; and if I imag- 
ined any background noise, it was a 
quiet lapping of water, not roars of out- 
board motors and kids yelling on water. 
skis. 

We tie up at a small, teetering dock. 
A couple of cheerful men are sitting on 
it, fishing with bamboo poles and drink- 
ing plum brandy from a labelless bottle. 
They offer us some and we take a sip 
before walking toward the chapel 
through the tall grass, annoying numer- 
ous waddling turkeys, and then we enter, 
stepping on the grave. There's no way to 
enter the chapel without stepping on 
Dracula's grave. The thought cheers me. 
It was getting a bit too pastoral. 

The peasants knew about the grave 
long before the experts, of course. And 
they knew about the other grave, too, 
the one before the altar. They set can- 
dles along its edges, had done so for as 
long as anyone could remember, no one 
knew just why. Eventually, the experts 
opened the altar grave and found, rudely 
entombed, an ox skull, and they are still 
arguing over what it might mean. 

‘Then they opened the other grave, the 
опе you step on as you enter, and found 
the ruins of a body wearing artifacts that 


indicate it may have been Dracula. The 
historical Dracula, that is. 

The historical Dracula is not the 
Dracula Bobby Marty told me about in 
that dark alley; he is not the silverand- 
black menace of Lugosi nor the horror 
smeared with Technicolor blood as 
played by Christopher Lee. He was the 
real-life warrior prince of Walachia, a 
Romanian national hero, and he de- 
fended the country from the Turks 
and held off (continued on page 198) 


BIRD OF PARADISE 


september playmate rosanne katon said farewell 
122 to jamaica and hello to hollywood 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARIO CASILLI 


WE HAVE A LOT to thank Jamaica for: reggae rhythms to keep our toes 
tapping, 151-proof rum for kamikaze Friday nights, bauxite for 
aluminum to warm our TV dinners in, high-test ganja for our reli- 
gious ceremonies and, oh, yes, a fellow named Ian Fleming penned 
a few mildly successful thrillers there about a terminally horny 
secret agent. 

Now we can add to the list actress-writer Rosanne Katon, one of the 
six daughters of a Kingston private detective, who has traded the 


“Going home to Jamaica 
is always a thrill for 

me. I can't explain it. 

I know I’ve changed a lot. 
I even talk differently 
now. But there's some- 
thing about getting off 
that plane and having the 
warm air hit you that 
brings it all back. It's 
home.” Below, Rosanne 
does some last-minute 
rounds in L.A. before 
joining two of her five — 
sisters, Connie and Juanita, 
for a Jamaican holiday. 


“Т love all my sisters. Connie goes to school at 
City College in Queens and Juanita is a pilot. 
I consider myself the underachiever in the family.” 


“My father was very strict about bo 


with six 


daughters, he had to be. But after living with all 
those girls, I couldn’t wait to get to the boys.” 


Jamaican sun for the klieg lights 
of Hollywood. A questionable bar- 
ter, to be sure, but in Rosanne's 
case, it was inevitable. For her, 
acting is damn near orgasmic: 
"When I'm really cooking as an 
actress, after the scene, I don't even 
remember what I've done. I've been 
in some situations where the tem- 
perature on the set goes up ten de 
grees just because of the electricity.” 

If the voltage is high on her sets, 
its because Rosanne has spent a 
long time generating it. Born on 
one of the family's frequent shuttle 
trips to New York, she is a graduate 
of the High School of the Perform- 
ing Arts there and has been 
acting since she was 12. Her credits 
include eight feature films, three 
‘TV movies of the week, a dozen 
guest shots in episodic television, at 
least that many parts in theatrical 
products in the Big Apple and 
Boston and 15 TV commercials for 
clients ranging from Pepsi-Cola to 
the Girl Scouts of the U.S.A. 

The fact is, Rosanne is active 
even when standing still. Before 


“Тт a very moral per- 
son. But I'd like to 
lose a couple of those 
morals. If I could have 
a good time at night 
and wake up in the 
morning feeling just 
fine about tt, I'd. 

have a lot more fun 
than I do now.” 


your eyes, beauty turns into an 
intellectual beast and back into 
beauty. The gap between sexual 
energy and creative energy nar- 
rows until there's no gap at all. 
At this fountain, you can fill your 
eyes while you fill your mind, 

When she's not working in 
front of the camera, Rosanne 
writes screenplays and thinks 
about directing. “I'm really inter- 
ested in film directing. But for a 
woman, it's rough, and for a 
black woman, well, the oppor 
tunities are nonexistent.” 

Until that situation changes, 
Rosanne is committed to her pres- 
ent craft—though opportunities 
there aren't much better, Various 
stints in blaxploitation films have 
afforded her litde more than a 
working knowledge of machine 
guns and a passing acquaintince 
with the fundamentals of karate. 
Indeed, the past three years im 
Hollywood have left her less than 


“I have no desire to have 
anyone support me. If 
anything, I want 

a guy who's smarter than 
I am, not richer.” 


starry-eyed, but not quite 
militant. “Most of the actu- 
al work done in this town 
is not done by glamorous 
people. Being glamorous is 
almost a full-time job in it- 
self. I like to ride the buses, 
especially on Hollywood 
Boulevard, just to watch 
real people. Those are the 
people I portray. There's a 
bus called the 91W that 
goes to Beverly Hills. It 
runs every two minutes 
in the morning when the 
maids are going to work. 
Ride that bus and you be- 
come a liberal fast.” 

Social concerns notwith- 
standing, Rosanne exudes 
about a pound and a half 
of glamor per square inch. 
Not the glitzy, limo-set 
variety—but showstopping, 
nonetheless. Her taste in 
men holds a due. “I like 
men who are very quiet 
about their sexuality—who 
don't have to knock you 
down with it." That's a very 
tall order when confronted 
with the beautiful likes of 
Miss Katon, but we'll try, 
Rosanne, we'll try. 


Above: In the “small world” depart- 
ment, Rosanne co-starred (as Miss 
West Indies) in the made-for-TV 
movie “The Night They Took Miss 
Beautiful” with Phil Silvers and 
our own 1976 Playmate of the Year, 
Lillian Müller, who played the 
contestant from Germany. 


Above: We're sure the Nielsens, not 
Rosanne's acting, were responsible for 
the cancellation of her “Grady” TV 
series; roles in “Starsky and Hutch” 
and “Good Times” soon followed. 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


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FAVORITE TV SHOWS: 02, as 
2 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


Suddenly, the girl broke out of the clinch at her 
apartment door. “Please understand, Ed,” she 

nted to her first-time date. "I guess you'd 
Petes go now. I—well—I simply couldn't be- 
come intimately involved with someone who's 
hung as heavy as you are!” 

“How could you possibly know that, Babs?” 
asked the fellow. 

“When we just French-kissed,” answered 
Babs, struggling unsuccessfully to regain her 
composure, “your knee began to throb!” 


Purchasers of a forthcoming book titled Tar- 
zan's Jungle Secrets will find that it describes 
a number of ways to get off an elephant. 


== 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines lesbian 
orgy as a pussy wallow. 


A van-driving hooker named Crenna, 
C.B.ing for tricks near Ravenna, 
Locked professional gears 
With a Smokey with ears 
And a hyperextended antenna. 


Since his independent, career-minded wife was 


" exclaimed the man, slapping his fore- 
head. “I don't have any condoms. But wait 
a minute," he went on, as inspiration struck, 
“TI get my wife's diaphragm while you start 
to undress. 

It wasn't long before he returned, crestfallen. 
“I might have known,” he sighed to his scantily 
dad visitor. "She mustn't trust me. She's taken 
the damn thing with her!” 


Î want a man,” the starstruck girl told her 
date, "who can smile like Paul Newman, 
frown like Clint Eastwood, kiss like Robert 
Redford and hug like Burt Reynolds. Can you 
do all those things?” 

Е id the fellow, “but I've got a mouth 
like Don Rickles’.” 


The Kraft Foods corporation denies that it 
lans to establish an Israeli subsidiary called 
heeses of Nazareth. 


My experiments in mating a donkey with an 
onion continue to have variable results," an- 
nounced the far-out geneticist. "Mostly, I get 
a bulbous plant with long ears—but every once 
in a while, I get a piece of ass that brings tears 
to my eyes." 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines sexual graf- 
fiti as the glandwriting on the wall. 


Three soldiers were the sole survivors of a 
desert battle. They tried to flee in a staff car, 
but the vehicle broke down. "I'll unhook the 
radiator and take it along," said one soldier, 
“because we can drink the water." 

I'll remove the hubcaps,” added another, 
"because we can use them as hats against the 
burning desert sun." 

"And I'll unbolt a door and carry it,” 
grunted the not-too-bright third fellow. 

"Why in the world would you want to do 
that?" chorused his companions. 

"Because if it gets too hot," he regrunted, 
"we can roll down the window." 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines great lover 
as an ace in the hole. 


We've been told about a clergyman who just 
about broke up a wedding with a slip of the 
tongue when he said, "If anyone present 
knows just cause why this couple should not 
be joyfully loined together. . . ." 


A: 


Сана 
Max the Mink King had hired a striking girl 
to model his creations, and it wasn’t long be- 
fore he was wining and dining her. One night, 
under the influence of abundant champagne, 
she finally agreed to accompany him to his 
bachelor apartment. Once woozily there, she 
found herself being led into a bedroom, deftly 
undressed and then laid down on a satin sheet. 
Her host spread her legs ... but then did noth- 
ing for an extended period but blow gently on 
her softly luxuriant bush. “Whatcha дош?" 
murmured the girl. "It sorta tickles nice." 
"I just can't bear to mess it up, honey,” 
Max answered with a sigh. "Once a furrier, 
always a furrier. ...” 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on a post- 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBoY, 
Playboy Bldg., 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, 
Ill. 60611. $50 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


“I can't believe it. Here I am, at the college of my choice, on top of 
the coed of my choice, and I haven’t learned to read or write yet!” 


135 


SITTING INDOLENTLY in his gravity couch, 
Nerl For-feech was lasciviously eying this 
month's Plaything magazine centerfold. 
The shiny cellulose pages fell all the w: 
to the floor, because 

fyt there are six sexes, 


ARTHUR ROSGH 


distractedly. “Is there anything we can 
actually do to remedy this feeling?’ 
“Sure,” Cleang cheerfully volunteered, 


cessful Four of 


€, cy failed to turn 


erotogymnastics 
kaz 


sensory-enhancement dispensers, which 
automatically exchanged money balls for 
the popular brands of dope. The rest of 


‘the room was all dance floor, with suffi- 


ce in which to flirt, writhe and 


ex aptitude. 


138 


GOOD IN BED onina ron pacen 


“T recall those special evenings like an athlete recalls 
a great occasion in the arena.” 


but not in bed. Wouldn't you fall asleep? 

I'd say never take metal objects to bed. 
And no smoking, of course. I know Alice 
Cooper says he always takes a snake; T 
always take a shit. 


NANCY SINATRA, singer 

Fun. All kinds of fun. And the fun 
shouldn't stop in bed. If you mean a 
good lover, I could name some people, 
but I won't. 

One way for anyone to be better in 
bed is to relax more. It's not as easy as 
it sounds. "There's no simple way, except 
maybe to smoke a joint. That doesn't 
work for me. If I smoke anything—or 
even drink a glass of wine—it puts me 
right out. 

I'm much more relaxed in the morn- 
ing, so for my husband and me, that's 
often a good time to make love—you're 
not tired and its more spontancous. 
Spontancity is really something that can 
make sex much better. If it becomes 
something expected—first dinner, then 
drinks, then home, then into bed—if it 
follows a sort of chain of command, it’: 


s 
not as relaxed or good. But if you answer. 
the door and suddenly you're on the 
fioor—that's spontaneous, that’s fun! 


GAY TALESE, author of the forth- 
coming “Sex in America” 

According to most men whom I've in- 
terviewed for my book on sex in Amer- 
ica, it would mean responsive—a sense 
that the woman really is enjoying the 
sex, rather than just acquiescing in the 
interest of getting closer mentally. 

For me personally, the phrase recalls 
the quintessential, superb one-night 
stand. 1 recall those special evenings like 
an athlete recalls a great occasion in the 
arena or am artist recalls a magnificent. 
performance. I think they're more mem- 
orable because they don't go on that 
long. They don't extend to the next day 
and the next night, which could bring 
all kinds of imperfection. 

One thing that I've found that’s not 
good in bed is drugs. Nothing will thwart 
performance more decisively than being 
stoned, because you're mellowed out and 
become slovenly. The familiar notion 
that pot contributes to virility is some- 
thing that has been disseminated by the 
purveyors and importers of pot; it’s sim- 
ply not true. 


BROOKE SHIELDS, star of “Pretty 
Baby” 


Good means when I have a cold and I 


have to stay in bed and my mommy 
brings me my breakfast while I'm watch- 
ing my favorite television program, Be- 
witched. And І have crushed ice in my 
ginger ale. 


KEN NORTON, boxer-actor 

If you try to please the other person 
more than yourself, it comes out very 
good. Like, if the lady's trying to please 
me, then I get pleased and try to please 
her more, Then we have good rapport 
going and everything's cool. 

Ill tell you one time when good in 
bed is bad; that's when Im seriously 
training. When I get down to the nitty- 
gritty, then I abstain completely. I just 
think about what I haye to do. The way 
T look at it, if the lady wants to see me, 
then she'll be available after it's over. 
And they generally are, nine and a half 
times out of ten. 


RODNEY DANGERFIELD, comic 

Good in bed means two things: When 
the three of us don't fight; and when 1 
wake up and still have my watch and 
money. 


MARABEL MORGAN, author of 
"The Total Woman" 

In sex, as in any other human rela- 
tionship, I believe it's important to con- 
sider the other person's needs. That 
means looking at life through his eyes. 
It is especially important for a wife to 
learn what her husband likes and dislikes 
about sex, and then be available to meet 
those needs. Otherwise, if Nellie Not 
"Tonight is married to Herman Hot to 
Trot, there's trouble ahead! 

Being good in bed connotes warmth 
and caring and pleasure to the parties. 
But, though sex is important to a rela- 
tionship, it is not everything. As Sam 
Levenson said, "We need more books on 
moral positions, not sexual positions.” 

1 believe that a man can stand almost 
anything in marriage except boredom. 
Every husband needs excitement and 
high adventure at his own address. For 
his wife, that means keeping him off 
guard and being a variety of women to 
him. Variety is the spice of sex. 

It's great fun for a wife to use what- 
ever is available around the house to 
create a sexy costume to surprise her 
husband, The simplest items can be the 
most effective. Women have reported 
(with success) the use of old hats, felt 


markers, wigs апа shaving cream—even 
stick-on bows and tea bags for tassels! 


MELVIN VAN PEEBLES, writer, 
film director 

Good in bed means eating pussy. Love 
is fine, it makes people happy, helps 
keep the masses in line, but what the 
hell? Actually, I don't always use a bed, 
I usually go up to the roof of my office 
to fuck. That's what's wrong with life, 
everybody always does it in four-poster 
beds. 


SIDNEY SHELDON, best-selling 
novelist 

1 think the main thing is being con- 
cerned with your partner and not being 
self-centered in bed. One of the problems 
with taking a beautiful woman to bed is 
very often she's so oriented toward her 
beauty she becomes narcissistic. 

Beautiful people may have a harder 
time, if they don't know how to handle 
their beauty or good looks. And many of 
them don't. 

Also, I think it's important to keep in 
good physical condition. A flabby body 
in bed is a turn-off, whether it belongs to 
a man or a woman. Age has nothing 
to do with it, looks have nothing to do 
with it, 


MARTIN MULL, star of “America 
2Night" 

Positioning myself so that at all times 
I can see where “Vera” signed the sheets. 


TINA TURNER, mover, shaker and 
singer 

What a question! I suppose it means 
just being satisfied. It’s all a matter of 
communication, knowing how you feel 
and how the other person feels and get- 
ting it all together. Whether it's someone 
you've known for a long time or just 
for the night. 

I do a lot of communicating with my 
eyes. I think most men can tell just by 
looking how I feel about things. I'm a 
free spirit. I don't have many hang-ups, 
and if he's got any, he knows I'll under- 
stand. And I can tell pretty quickly if it's 
the sort of situation where I can say, 
“Well, I like this or let's do that.” 

What attracts me most in a man is sort 
of funny! I don’t care if he’s tall or 
short, and I like black men, but I also 
like blond white men. What I look at 
first are the hands and fingers, to see if 
they're nice. Then I look at the behind. 
І like ‘em wide. Not protruding and not 
ironing-board flat, but wide— 
hipped. Something I can lean on. 


BILLY CRYSTAL, star of “Soap” 
and “Rabbit Test” 


A woman who is good in the sack 
(concluded on page 254) 


PLAYBOY’S 
PIGSKIN PREVIEW 


pre-season prognostications for the top college teams and players across the nation 


ASK ANY OLD COACH and he will 
tell you there's nothing really 
new in foothall—except Ше 
Jength of the cheerleaders’ skirts 
and an occasional rule or two. 
Every few years, a coach some- 
where introduces a new backfield 
alignment with appropriately 
juggled blocking and ball-han- 
dling assignments, gives it a 
grabby name, catches opposing 
defenses unprepared and wins a 
conference championship. The 
next April hordes of visiting 
coaches from all over the land 
haunt the side lines of the great 
innovator's spring practice. He is 


TOP 20 TEAMS 


Т. Alabama ..10-1 11. Ohio State 
2. Penn State ..10-1 12. Maryland . 
3. Arkansas ...10-1 13. Colifarnia .. 8-3 
4. Oklahoma ..10-1 14. TexasA &M . 8-3 
5. UCLA .. ey 9-2 15. North Carolina 9-2 
6. Nebreska ... 9-2 16. Natre Dame . 8-3 


SATOI 
2 


7. Michigan ...10-1 17. Calareda ... 8-3 
8. Pittsburgh ... 9-2 18. Southern Cal 8-4 
9. Texas . 19. Clemsan .... 9-2 


IO sun: 


20. Washington . 7-4 


Possible Breakthroughs: Houston (7-4), Arizona 
State (7—4), lowa State (7—4), Mississippi State [8-3], 
Kentucky (8-3), Georgia Tech (8-3), Purdue (7—4). 


sports By ANSON MOUNT 


invited as a guest lecturer to 
scores of coaching clinics and 
within two or three years, in- 
numerable college teams have 
adopted his new formation. 
Meanwhile, defensive staffs are 
holding midnight meetings, try- 
ing to figure out how to neutral- 
ize the new option pitchout, or 
fake hand-off, or whatever it is. 
Then a venerable assistant coach 
somewhere notices something dis- 
tantly familiar: Isn't that basical- 
ly the same formation Hunk 
Anderson experimented with at 
Notre Dame in the Thirtiese 
(text continued on page 142) 


Alabamo’s fleet running back Tony Nothan heads for daylight as he sails around the end of the Ohio State defensive line as the Crimson 
Tide, PLAYsOY's choice for this year’s national championship, humiliates Woody Hayes's Buckeyes 35-6 in the 1978 Sugar Bow! gome. 


PLAYBOY’S 19 
ALL-AMER 


Left to right, top row: Tony Franklin (D, kicker, Texas A&M; Chorles White (12), runner, USC; Theotis Brown (27), runner, UCLA; 
Charles Alexonder (4), runner, LSU; Gordon Jones (24), receiver, Pittsburgh; Fred Akers, Texas, Coach of the Yeor; Jock Thompson 
(14), quarterback, Washington State; Matt Miller (71), tockle, Colorado. Sitting: Jerry Butler (15), receiver, Clemson; Bill Dufek (73), 
tockle, Michigon; Greg Roberts (65), guard, Oklohoma; Dave Huffman (56), center, Notre Dome; Pat Howell (66), guard, USC. 


78 PREVIEW 
ICA TEAM 


Left to right, top row: Ken Sheets (89), lineman, North Carolino; Barry Krauss (77), linebacker, Alaboma; Henry Williams (23), back, 
San Diego State; Johnnie Johnson (27), back, Texas; Jerry Robinson (84), linebacker, University of Colifornia at Los Angeles; Jim Kovach 
(50), linebacker, Kentucky; Bob Golic (55), linebacker, Notre Dame. Sitting: Don Smith (75), lineman, Miami (Florida); Russell Erxleben (15), 
punter, Texas; Mike Bell (76), linemon, Colorado State; Vaughn Lusby (29), back, Arkansas; Mike Stensrud (63), lineman, lowa Slate. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ALEXAS URBA 


THE ALL-AMERICA SQUAD 


(Listed in order of excellence at their positions, all have 
а good chance of making someone's All-America team) 


QUARTERBACKS: Steve Fuller (Clemson), Rick Leach (Michigan), Mark Herrmann 
(Purdue), Chuck Fusina (Penn State), Mike Dunn (Duke), Ron Calcagni (Arkansas), 
Roch Hontos (Tulane) 


RUNNING BACKS: Ted Brown (North Carolina Stotel, I. M. Hipp (Nebroskal, 
Dexter Green (lowa State), Joe Steele (Washington), Curtis Dickey (Texas A & M), 
James Owens (UCLA), Tony Nathan (Alabama), Jerome Persell (Western 
Michigan), Myron Hardeman (Wyoming), Mike Williams (New Mexico}, Darrin 
Nelson (Stanford) 


RECEIVERS: Emanuel Tolbert (Southern Methodist), Jef Groth (Bowling Green), 
Scott Fitzkee (Penn Stotel, Gibson (Michigan State), Rick Morrison (Ball 
State), Steve Lewis (West Virginia), Jimmy Bryant (Utoh State), Mardye McDole 
(Mississippi State) 


OFFENSIVE LINEMEN: Keith Dorney (Penn Stotel, Jeff Toews (Washington), 
Anthony Munoz (Southern California, Mike Salzano (North Carolina}, Joe Bostic 
(Clemson), Kelvin Clark (Nebraska), Bill Segal (Arizona) 


CENTERS: Jim Ritcher (North Carolina Slate), Dwight Stephenson (Alabama), 
Chuck Correal (Penn State) 


DEFENSIVE LINEMEN: Ralph Deloach (California), Rich Dimler (Southern Cali- 
fornia), Hugh Green (Pittsburghl, Gary Don Johnson (Baylor), 
(Florida Statel, Manu Tuiososopo (UCLA), Bubba Green (North Caroli 
Marty Lyons (Alabame) 


LINEBACKERS: Car! McGee (Duke), Daryl Hunt (Oklahoma), Gordy Ceresino 
(Stanford), Frank Manumaleuna (San Jose State), Freddie Smith (Auburn), Tom 
Rusk (lowal, Scot Brantley (Floridal, George Cumby (Oklahoma), Ed Smith 
{Vanderbilt), Brad Vassar (Pacific) 


DEFENSIVE BACKS: Max Hudspeth (New Mexico), Dave Abrams (indiana), Kenny 
Easley (UCLA), Rick Sanford (South Carolina), Jim Browner (Notre Dame) 


KICKERS: Dave Jocobs (Syracuse), Jim Miller (Mississippi), Ken Rosenthal (South- 
егп Methodist), Ed Murray (Tulane), Max Runager (South Carolina) 


TOP NEWCOMERS 


(Incoming freshmen and transfers who should make it big) 


Lester Williams, defensive lineman . 
Steve Ballinger, defensive lineman . 


Art Schlichter, quarterback 
Chris Boskey, defensive lineman 
David Kass, quarterback . 

Mike Horis, wide receiver 


Bob Crable, linebacker ... 
Willie Gittens, running back 
Mike Cornell, running back . 
Terry Daniels, running bock . 
Gerald Carter, wide receiver . 
Maceo Filer, offensive tackle . 
Jef Hayes, kicker 

Del Rodgers, running back .. 
Lee North, offensive lineman . 
Mike Corter, running back . 
Orlando McDaniel, wide receiver 


Old game films are examined and new 
defensive alignments are charted. A line- 
backer is assigned to haunt the trailing 
halfback and a nose guard is installed to 
make the center's life miserable. It works, 
the unstoppable offense is stopped, other 
defensive staffs study the game films and 
game scores are once again 14-10 instead 
of 33-28. 

‘Then the process starts over—as it will 
this year. 

"The option offenses (veer and wish- 
bone) have lost their magic and a new 
form of attack is spreading like a prairie 
fire. The only difference is that the new- 
old idea came from professional football. 
It's called the pro set, and for pro- 
ponents of wide-open, big-play, hell- 
for-leather football, it's a godsend. The 
distinctive feature of the pro set is the 
use of a variety of receivers. The con- 
figurations can range from two big tight 
ends and a flanker (for short-yardage 
situations) to three speed-burner receiv- 
ers (for a go-for-broke attempt). 

The one indispensable ingredient is а 
skilled passer, and everywhere strong- 
armed high schoolers are being courted 
like so many Juliets by college recruit- 
ers. This season you will see more passes 
thrown than in any year in memory. 
"There may also be more freshmen than 
seniors who are quarterbacks. 

But it will be fun. There will be a 
lot of interceptions and plenty of long 
game pauses in which to open another 
can of beer. And, as in any year when 
new offensive tactics sweep the land, 
there will be plenty of upsets and a few 
Cinderella teams vill get bowl bids. 

So while we're waiting for the fun to 
begin, let's take a look at the teams. 


THE EAST 


INDEPENDENTS 


Penn State 10-1 Temple 
Pittsburgh 9-2 Rutgers 
Syracuse 65 Navy 
Boston College 6-5 Army 
West Virginia 5-6 Villanova 
Colgate. 92 


IVY LEAGUE 


Brown 8-1 Princeton 
Yale 6-3 Correll 
irtmouth 


Pennsylvania 54 
Harvard 4-5 Columbia 


TOP PLAYERS: Fusina, Dorney, Fitzkee (Penn 
State); G. Jones, Green, J. Delaney, Carroll 
(Pittsburgh); Hurley, ‘Jacobs (Syracuse); 
Smerlas, Schmeding (Boston College); Lew- 
is, Alexander (West Virginia); Curtis (Col- 
gate); Anderson (Temple); Kehler, Mangiero 
(Rutgers); Leszczynsk, McConkey (Navy); 
Brundidge, Schott (Army); Thompson (Villa- 
nova); Whipple (Brown); Spagnola (Yale); 
Grosvenor (Pennsylvania); Brown (Harvard). 


Penn State came within five points of 
winning the national championship last 
year in what was supposed to be a 

(continued on page 156) 


“The men are in an ugly mood, Captain Nemo. 
They don’t consider this shore leave." 


FRAIVE-UPS ....... 


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energy cell that will produce about 40,000 lights before you change it, $60. 3. The Ronson varafiame piezoelectric butane 
lighter refuels in seconds and lights for months with no flint or battery to change, $22.95. 4. Another Maruman IC lighter; this 
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and expensive, $200. 6. A silver-plated piezoelectric lighter delivers a light every time with quiet operation, by Maruman, $45. 


ILLUSTRATION BY DENNIS MAGDICH 


146 


LAST NOVEMBER, we directed peripatetic Contributing Photographer David (Girls of . . .) Chan to "Go West, young man, 
go West," since we'd heard there was gold in them thar hills, and we don't mean the mineral variety, either. At the 
time, the idea was to do Girls of the Pac 8, Pac referring to Pacific, 8 to the number of schools that made up the N.C.A.A. 
conference out West—Oregon State University, the University of Southern California, UCLA, University of California 
at Berkeley, the University of Oregon, Stanford University, the University of Washington and Washington State Uni- 
versity. Having interviewed more than 5000 girls over the past two years for such features as Girls of the New South, 
Girls of the Big Ten and Girls of Washington, Chan was used to dealing with beautiful girls (text concluded on page 238) 


ron Гат 

colleges in t of 
ae 

a two-part illustrated | 

to a well-rounded education 


University of Washington cheerleaders, led by airborne Karen 
Godwin, belt out a convincing roh-rah-roh, sis-boom-bah at 
last year’s Rose Bowl, where their underdog alma mater beat 
Michigan 27 to 20. Experts feel it was Washington's superior 
cheerleading that made the difference. UCLA sophomore 
Emily Wallin (below) is a film buff wha wants to get into the 
movie biz after greduation—as either an actress or a director. 
A member of the campus ski club, Emily describes herself 
as "outgoing, adventurous and always ready for action.” 


148 


Honor student Candace Breed (above), a psych major at UCLA, 
works in the university's psychology department as а research 
assistant. Heather Campbell (right), an English major with 

a minor in French, hopes to start her sophomore 

year at Berkeley with a salid B-plus average. 


"My best subject is art 

‘and my worst is math," says. 

the University of Oregon's Anne 

Healy (above). Berkeley coed Ali 
Duerr (below) is a disco-danci 

а car-racing fon end c fine tennis player. 


tirnkorb and 
| arts wha hos 
е May 


The four UCLA beach bunnies above оге, Noncy Carrol, Gi 
Julie Carlson. Nancy, n again above right, ing in theatrical 
been involved in va . Francisca native 
lee (below), 
ing on the 


luctions since the og: 
dancing, walk- 


rious theatrical prod: 
o nutrition major at Berkeley, says 
nd raising German shepherds.” 


¢ peach, racquetball, reading sexy novels o: 


"11ке men who like 
exotic sports cars and | 
hate doing term 
papers," says art-edu- 
cation major Sonja 
Nelson (left) of the 
University of Oregon. 
Motorcycling is one 

of her favorite pastimes. 
About fo enter her 
second year of law 
school at Arizona 
State, Phoenix native 
Jeri Kishiyama (below) 
wants to be а crim- 
inal prosecutor and in- 
sists thot her men 


“have а great sense 
of humor and be 
strong, intelligent ond 
fun-loving.” 


Arizona State's Renée DuBois 
(left) is a musictherapy major 
whose extracurricular a s 
clude ballet and playing the 
piano. Pamela Kiser (bottom) 
hopes to get into fashion retailing 
after graduation from the 
University of Washington. 


"like café au lait by morn- 
ing, margaritas by night,” 
says comparative-lit major Jes- 
sica Fronce (left), a sen- 

ior at Berkeley. University 

of Oregon's Debra William- 
son (below) hopes to find work 
in the theater after graduation. 


“Lying on the beoch in the hot 
sun with my dog is my fovorite 
мау to spend an ofternoon,” 
says Arizona Stote coed Andreo 
Shepherd (left). "Im portiol 

to fishing, hiking ond 

comping,” soys University of 
Oregon's outdoor girl 

Vicki Sponhauer (below left). 


junior at the University 

of Washington, describes her- 
self as “impulsive and un- 
predictoble.” Chicago native 
Sunday Parker (below) ma- 
jors in poli sci at Berkeley 
and likes to party with 

the football team. 


PLAYBOY 


(continued from page 142) 


“It’s been along and tedious process, but the Syracuse 
rebuilding programis nearing completion." 


rebuilding season. The Lions again will 
be in the thick of the championship 
race, because all the ingredients that led 
to last year's success—and most of the 
players—return for this campaign. The 
Lions’ major assets are a balanced of- 
fense featuring passer Chuck Fusina and 
runners Matt Suhey, Bob Torrey and 
Booker Moore, a rock-solid offensive line 
and a quick, aggressive defense. The key 
to a successful season will be the out- 
come of the September 16 game against 
Ohio State at Columbus. 

Pittsburgh may get off to a sluggish 
start this fall, because only four starters 
from last year's splendid offensive unit 
return. The replacements are top-caliber, 
though, and coach Jackie Sherrill had 
another productive recruiting year. Rick 
Ттосапо and Lindsay Delaney are the 
prime candidates to replace graduated 
quarterback Matt Cavanaugh, though 
they could be challenged by incoming 
transfer Scott Jenner. There is a stable 
full of flashy runners in camp, but they 
may have trouble getting loose, because 
only one starter returns in the offensive 
line. Lineman Hugh Green, a future all- 
everything, leads an experienced defense 
that will be nearly impenctrable. 

It's been a long and tedious process, 
but the Syracuse rebuilding program is 
nearing completion. This year's biggest 
plus will be quarterback Bill Hurley. He 
will be ably abetted by three prime- 
quality runners, Art Monk, Dennis Hart- 
man and junior college transfer Tom 
Matichak. The Orangemen's biggest lia- 
bility will be a horrendous schedule. 

New Boston College coach Ed Chlebek 
put his squad through a head-knocking 
spring practice in an effort to improve 
the Eagles’ aggressiveness, a quality he 
found missing. The Eagles will need 
the new toughness, because their ranks 
were badly depleted by graduation. Jay 
Palazola appears to have earned the 
quarterback. job. Fred Smerlas is the best 
defensive tackle ever to play at Chestnut 
Hill, but he will be surrounded by green 
teammates, 

West Virginia faces the most difficult 
schedule in the school's history with a 
squad that still has depth problems. The 
running attack, with Robert Alexander 
and Fulton Walker, will be the Moun- 
taineers' best weapon. Dutch Hoffman is 
the chief candidate for departed Dan 
Kendra's quarterback job. 

Colgate will have trouble repeating 


156 last falls spectacular 10-1 performance, 


because all but two of the offensive start- 
ers have departed. The defense looks 
stronger, fortunately, and there will be 
plenty of help coming up from the 
junior varsity. 

"Temple was a young team last year, so 
the Owls will profit. much from the 
added experience. The major task in 
pre-season drills will be to find a starting 
quarterback from among four candidates. 
Brian Broomell has the best chance for 
the job. 

Rutgers also spent spring practice 
searching for a new quarterback, with 
Bob Hering getting the job. He will bene- 
fit from the help of a solid offensive line 
and a good set of running backs, so look. 
for the Scarlet Knights to have another 
successful season if they don't get blown 
apart in their opener at Penn State. 

Navys strong point this fall will be 
the passing game featuring quarterback 
Bob Leszczynski and wide receivers Phil 
McConkey and Sandy Jones. But if the 
Middies are to enjoy a successful season, 
the inexperienced defensive secondary 
and offensive line will have to grow up 
in a hurry. 

Army will depend on a tenacious de- 
fense to hold the fort while the young 
offensive unit earns its spurs. Clennie 
Brundidge is one of the better tight ends 
in the country, but most of the rest of 
last year's offensive stalwarts have grad- 
uated. Earle Mulrane will likely be the 
new quarterback. The schedule is a 
backbreaker. 

“The Villanova team, booby-trapped by 
a bad case of overconfidence last fall, 
should have a more realistic outlook this 
time. The Wildcats have refined the 
wishbone attack into a running threat, 
but the passing has been negligible. 
Hopes for improving the latter liability 
rest in the added maturity of fine sopho- 
more quarterback Pat O'Brien. 

"The Ivy League always seems to be 
the most unpredictable conference in the 
country. Each year at least one team 
comes from nowhere to throw the cham- 
pionship race into disarray. This season, 
the league is more balanced than ever, 
with recent pushovers Columbia and 
Cornell showing new muscle. 

Brown is the obvious choice for the 
championship as the season begins, large- 
ly because of much added moxie in 
the offensive unit, The opening game 
with Yale could change the season's 
prospects for both schools. 

Yale, like Villanova, has a starting 
quarterback named Pat O'Brien. If coach 


Carm Cozz can rebuild the offensive 
line to give O'Brien and a group of 
young runners some decent blocking, 
Yale will once more be in the thick of 
the title race. 

Pennsylvania, last year's surprise team, 
will again feature an effective wishbone 
ground game. Two promising sopho- 
morcs, linebacker Brian Lytwynec and 
middle guard Dave Papenfuss, will help 
shore up a graduation-depleted defense. 

"The Harvard team will also feature a 
strong offense, but with good quarter- 
backing and receiving, the Crimsons will 
travel mostly through the air. 

New Princeton coach Frank Navarro 
faces the unenviable task of teaching the 
veer offense to a group of inexperienced 
backs in pre-season drills. A solid, expe- 
rienced defensive unit will have to hold 
on until the attack unit gets the kinks 
ironed out. 

Coach Bob Blackman's efforts to re- 
build Cornell gridiron fortunes will show 
much progress this year, thanks largely 
to squad maturity and a good crop of 
sophomores. The main problem will 
again be a weak offensive line. 

Only five starters return from last 
year's fine Dartmouth team, so the Green 
will be just that. The few veterans and 
incoming sophomores will have to adjust. 
to a new system, which coach Joe Yukica 
promises will be simple and easy to 
learn. It better be. 

Columbia, at last, is beginning to 
emerge from years of gridiron indigence. 
The Lions’ principal problem, lack of 
size in both lines, will be solved by a 
beefy crop of sophomores, including 270- 
pound offensive tackle Joe Wagner. Most 
of all, the Lions need to win a couple of 
big games in order to overcome the psy- 
chic liability of years of losing. 

. 

Nothing has changed in the Big Ten— 
it will again be a contest between Mich- 
igan and Ohio State for the league 
championship, with the eight other 
teams fighting for respectability. Mich- 
igan, with more depth, has a slightly 
better chance to survive in the Novem- 
ber 25 confrontation with Ohio State. 

Quarterback Rick Leach will once 
more be the key man in the Michigan of- 
fense. He has already broken most of 
the school running and passing records, 
but his main value is his skill in running 
the complicated tripleoption offense. 
He'll share scoring honors with Harlan 
Huckleby, one of the nation’s premier 
runners, and stellar wingback Ralph 
Clayton. Look for the Wolverines to 
change form and throw a lot of passes 
this fall, and for linebacker Ron Simp- 
kins to become one of the country's best. 

Buckeye watchers will be fascinated by 
the competition for the Ohio State quar- 
terback job between veteran Rod Gerald, 

(continued on page 174) 


— 


Last fall, Peter Bourne, Special Assistant to the President for Health Service: 
nounced the creation of a White House Office of Drug Abuse Policy. The new Admi 
tion, he said, wanted “to create an atmosphere in which drugs can be used objectively and 
utilized effectively . . . on a purely scientific basis not colored by past history.” It was high 
time. Eleven states have already decriminalized marijuana, perhaps shamed into reason by 
the excesses of past Government propaganda on the evils of the weed. Congress has been 
seriously considering decriminalization legislation and various subcommittees are looking 
for new villains—the Dr. Feelgoods with their arsenal of uppers and downers and the drug 
companies with their high-pressure, high-profit pushers. PLAYBOY recognizes that drug 
abuse is a problem—but it is a problem cured by education, not regulation. We haye pre- 
pared a drug taker's self-defense kit (including a chart on the effects and dangers of the 
most commonly abused chemicals). Reporter James McKinley investigates the big.business 
side of "legal" drugs, while Arthur Stickgold analyzes the streetdrug scene. Ingest at will. 

= 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY VON 


е recently came across an unusual list—the most re- 
Wee books in the New York Public Library. 

Number one is a large volume called Physicians’ 
Desk Reference and it’s a guide to 2500 drugs. The demand 
for P.D.R. is so great that each person is allowed only 45 min- 
utes with it, 

“The second most requested volume at the New York Public 
Library is the Medical Directory of New York State, a listing 
of the state's certified M.D.s. The sequence makes sense to us. 
After reading up on a given prescription drug—its known 
effects and side effects—your first reaction logically might be 
to see if the asshole who prescribed that poison for you really 
went to medical school. Chances are you can find out more 
about a given drug in 45 minutes with P.D.R. than your 
docor did in 12 years of training. 

Now for the bad news. The Physicians’ Desk Reference is 
hardly the final word on the drugs you take, It is financed by 
the drug makers themselves and does not contain all the 
information that might be available. Some studies whose con- 
clusions might not confirm the drug companies’ claims—or 
might be embarrassingly off the mark altogether—are often 
omitted. In preparing the drug chart on the opposite page, 
we consulted various drug authorities and relied heavily on 
two valuable, unbiased reference works: The Pharmacological 
Basis of Therapeutics, by Goodman and Gillman, and The 
American Formulary Service (from the American Society of 
Hospital Pharmacists). If you were to keep these volumes in 
the medicine cabinet, you might never again take a legal drug 
unless your life depended on it. 

‘Time and again in the preparation of this chart, we came 
across the phrase “Actual operating mechanism unknown.” 
(Neither the doctors nor the drug companies know where it 
happens nor why it happens, just that for some people, some- 
thing happens. Case in point: When Noludar and Doriden 
were introduced, they were hailed as nonbarbiturate sedatives 
and, therefore, free of some of the qualities that made barbi- 
turates so undesirable. Physicians overprescribed the new 
drugs, only to find after a year that their side effects were 
virtually identical to those of the barbiturates.) The most 
frightening area of ignorance is in the area of drug inter- 
action. The safest message is, Don't take drugs. The next 
safest message is, Don’t take more than one kind at a time. 
All of the drugs shown at the top of the chart—the nar- 
cotics, barbiturates, tranquilizers, even alcohol—are central- 


158 nervyous-system depressants. They take you down. Barbiturates, 


originally developed to relieve anxiety, have been described as 
solid alcohol; alcohol, as liquid barbiturates. When you mix 
them, the effect is additive in an unpredictable and often 
lethal way. The terminal effect is deep oversedation, lowered 
respiration and death, ‘The problem is that your judgment is 
affected by downers. For that simple reason, you should never 
mix any of these drugs with automobiles. 

A second note of caution: All of the drugs shown here are 
potentially habit-forming. They create desirable states (just 
read the short-term-effects column). It seems to be a natural 
tendency among Americans to want to direct their own lives 
simply by reaching for a bottle of pills. They take uppers in 
the morning, tranquilizers at noon and barbiturates at night. 
The problem with such a pattern is that the physical toll 
builds up until conditions develop that are out of your control. 

Some of the stimulants are particularly dangerous, or per- 
haps we should say fascinating. They are seductive, and that 
can lead to psychological dependence (that’s medical jargon 
meaning you like something). When you give white mice 
unlimited access to amphetamines or coke, they take it non- 
stop for two weeks, go into fits of self mutilation, then die. 

Uninformed self-control is dangerous. Most people think if 
a little works, then a lot must work a lot better. Wrong. The 
more you take of anything and the longer you take it, the 
greater the chance of physical damage. 

We omitted one effect of long-term drug use that we thought 
was obvious. A large number of these drugs are illegal. Ex- 
tended recreational use of any of them can land you in jail. 

We bclicve that America should reconsider the way it reg- 
ulates drug use. The drugs most strictly controlled by law 
have relatively benign effects in other circumstances. Robert 
L. DuPont, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse, 
says, “For most Americans, it comes as a surprise to realize 
that much traditional drug use around the world has been, 
and continues to be, work-related, rather than recreational. 
Contrary to expectations based on modern pharmacology, this 
is true of such things as Cannabis, opium, tobacco, and it is 
even more characteristic of the coca leaves. In fact, the most 
‘compelling analogy to an Andean chewing coca is an American 
drinking coffee as a work adjunct. In most cultures over most 
of history, use of such substances as coca, Cannabis and opium 
has existed in a cultural context that tended to moderate 
and restrict use.” We would like to see such a cultural context 
created in America. 


DRUG NAME ESTIMATED ESTIMATED 
EMERGENCY- DRUG- 
RM. VISITS RELATED 


DEATHS 
Heroin/ Morphine 17,000 1,680 
Methadone 4,500 310 
Codeine 2,700 420 
Marijuana 5,700 10 
Phencyclidine 4,100 BO 
Alcohol in combination 47,700 2,530 
Secobarbital (Seconal) 7,400 780 
Pentobarbital (Nembutal) 2,900 640 
Seco/Amobarbital (Tuinal) 7,300 530 
Amobarbital (Amytal) 400 290 
Phenobarbital (Luminal) 7,700 460 
Diazepam (Valium) 54,400 880 
Chlordiazepoxide (Librium) 9,300 170 
Meprobamate (Equanil, Miltown) 3,200 200 
Thioridazine (Mellaril) 5,300 150 
Doxepin (Adapin, Sinequan) 3,300 200 
Chlorpromazine (Thorazine) 6,100 140 
Flurazepam (Dalmane) 11,500 130 
Methaqualone (Quaalude) 5,500 140 
Ethchlorvynol (Placidyl) 5,000 310 
Glutethimide (Doriden) 2,000 230 
d-Propoxyphene (Darvon) 10,800 1,090 
Aspirin 17,600 390 
Acetaminophen (Tylenol, Datril) 4,700 120 
Diphenylhydantoin (Dilantin) 5,300 110 
Amitriptyline (Elavil) 7.500 680 


WHY DO YOU THINK THEY CALL IT DOPE? Beats us. One side 
claims that smoking dope can affect one's ability to perform 
complicated tasks. The other side argues that Jamaican field 
hands regularly smoke enough ganja to sedate all of Orange 
County and still manage to function as well as the next guy, 
unless the next guy is the head of ІТ.Т. Oh, well. Consider the 
following: A few years ago, some dude tried to smuggle hashish 
into the U. S.—concealed inside a hollowed-out bowling ball. 
He was apprehended in Puerto Rico. Where did he go wrong? 
For starters: The bowling ball was his only piece of luggage. 


THE SECOND COMING OF KILLER WEED: We told 
you so. Back in September 1972, when PLAYBOY 
published its first drug chart, Craig Karpel warned 
readers that the U.S. Government would spray a 
herbicide called 2,4-D on poppy fields and marijuana 
crops in Mexico. The herbicide was part of Agent 
Orange, the infamous defoliant used to create the 
DMZ in Vietnam. It was a suspected carcinogen. We 
were appalled that the Government, under any cir- 
cumstances, would introduce such a chemical into 
the environment. 

Years later, the shit hit the fan. In the fall of 1975, 
the narcs switched to Gramoxone (alias paraquat), 
a chemical desiccant that is incredibly toxic in its 
concentrated form. The label bears a skull and 
crossbones and the warning, ONE SWALLOW CAN KILL. 
When it learned of the switch, the U. S. Agriculture 
Department expressed concern to the State Depart- 
ment. It was worried that the Mexicans who came 
into contact with paraquat might harm themselves. 
State Department officials sat on it. The choice 
of herbicides was out of their hands, along with 
the $40,000,000 they had given to the Mexicans to 
buy helicopters, planes and spraying equipment. In 
early 1977, Keith Stroup, head of NORML, advised 
Peter Bourne, Special Assistant to the President, of 
the potential perils of paraquat to American dope 
smokers. He was Outraged that the Carter Adminis- 
tration—which ostensibly favored decriminalization— 
should condone a Nixon-inspired plan to poison the 
populace. Bourne was surprisingly laid back. Either 
he didn't smoke dope or the dope he smoked was 
untainted Colombian. He became the Marie Antoi- 
nette of the new Administration: Let them smoke 
paraquat. In one toke, “killer weed"—the demented 
brain child of Harry Anslinger—had become killer 
weed by the simple addition of weed killer. 

NORML sued. Everyone from Senator Charles Percy 
to HEW Secretary Joseph Califano got into the act and 
into the subsequent headlines. Uncle Sam was a 
relative of Lucrezia Borgia. It was a classic drug 
scare, only this time the good guys were generating 
all the propaganda. The panic far exceeded the 
available scientific fact, as it usually does. Turned 
out that a lot of the supposed risk of smoking 
paraquat-tainted dope simply went up in smoke. 
(Most, if not all, of the chemical is destroyed in 
burning.) An old EPA test had concluded that a 
person could breathe .05 parts per million of para- 
quat for six hours at a time without damaging lungs. 
(If you Bogart a joint that long, you probably deserve 
to die.) The wheels of science ground on. A lot of 
white mice bit the dust after being injected with 
paraquat, being bathed in paraquat, elc., but, they 
were all nonsmokers. The end result of this con- 
fusion: Peter Bourne waved a white flag and said 
the Mexicans were being encouraged to switch back 
to good old 2,4-D, the herbicide PLAYBOY warned you 
about six years ago. Thanks a lot, Peter—you missed 
the point. 


ONE MAN'S POISON: After telling 
us that heroin was the Devil's own 
drug, Uncle Sam finally decided 
to find out the truth and awarded 
$1,900,000 to the Sloan-Kettering 
Cancer Center, so that it could 
administer smack to some 200 
terminal cancer palients. The 
source of the heroin? Confiscated 
street drugs. 


random hits from the market place 


THE HIGH COST OF LIVING HIGH: No matter how you cut it, the cost of drugs is a 
bitter pill to swallow. In the past year, there has been a ground swell of popular con- 
cern that legal drugs cost too much, that the profit margin enjoyed by the major 
pharmaceutical houses borders on the unethical. Should it cost an arm and a leg to 
save a life? At least, with illegal drugs, the user thinks he's paying his dealer for 
taking the risk. It has been argued that if the Government legalized marijuana and 
cocaine, the cost of the drugs would plummet. Of course, that assumes that the 
Mafia and other independents are less greedy than their peers in the medical pro- 
fessions. That is subject to debate. The chart below—based on the latest ates 
from the FDA and the DEA—shows the relative dollar value of prescription-only 
drugs, illegal drugs and over-the-counter items. Take it and call in the morning. 


PRESCRIPTION 


= 
e 
É 
a 
= 
8 
ш 
ш 
[3 
z 
G 
z 


Looking at the pill chart, the moral of the story is the greater the Government control, 
the higher the price of the drug. 


THAR'S GOLD IN THEM THAR 
PILLS: In the beginning were a 
bunch of wired white mice. One 
Saturday, a researcher at Hoffman- 
LaRoche asked Dr. Leo Sternbach 
if he knew of a chemical that 
would cool the little critters. Stern- 
bach suggested a benzodiazepine 
derivative. The rest is history. One 
dose and the uncooperative white 
mice were mellow, laid back and 
able to cope with the day-to-day 
rat-race. The benzodiazepine de- 
riyative was next tested on lions 
and wild monkeys—with equal 
success. Somewhere along the 
way, Hoffman-LaRoche decided 
that a chemical that could tame 
wild monkeys would do wonders 
for mankind. It was an idea whose 
time had come. Hoffman-LaRoche 
patented, then profited from the 
formulas for Librium and its calm- 
ing cousin, Valium. What do we 
mean by profit? Consider: 

* Valium is the largest-selling 
prescription drug in the United 
States and has been number one 
every year since 1969, when it 
knocked off Librium. 

* From May 1976 to April 1977, 
approximately 57,084,000 prescrip- 
tions for Valium were written in 
the United States. 

* Valium and Librium account 
for half of all tranks sold in this 
Country. 

+ One share of Hoffman-La- 
Roche stock is worth around 
$40,000, making it the most val- 
uable share of stock in the world, 
if you can find one to buy. Admit- 
tedly, that price is down from the 
record high of $73,000 in 1972. 
But don’t panic. Just take a hit 
of Valium. 

* The wholesale cost of a two- 
milligram tablet of Valium is 6.9 
cents. That works out to $1072.95 
per troy ounce. Valium costs six 
times as much as gold by weight. 

* The moral: Fortune magazine 
describes Hoffman-LaRoche as 
"the world's largest ethical-drug 
manufacturer, undisputed world 
market leader in vitamins and psy- 
chopharmaceuticals—and a com- 
pany that is currently one of the 
most profitable enterprises on 
earth.” 


THE RUBE GOLDBERG MEMORIAL DOPE-SMOKING, COKE- 
SNORTING AND RELATED-FORMS-OF-ABUSE MACHINE: 
We don't know if the device pictured below would work, but 
we do know that it would make money. Some folks may be 
fortunate enough to be born with a silver coke spoon in 
their nose. Everybody else has to pay for his accessories— 
the bongs, atomizers, scales, razor blades, etc. Last year, 
the drug-paraphernalia industry cleared $250,000,000—give 
or take a few million. That's not quite in the league with 
General Motors, but it's getting there. Consider: Approxi 
mately 160,000,000 packages of rolling papers were sold in 
the United States last year. If you figure an average of 50 
papers per package and a modicum of physical coordina- 
tion on the part of the roller, that adds up to eight billion 
joints. Put that in your roach clip and smoke it. 


HOLLYWOOD SQUARES, OR, WHAT'S 
MY LINE? Sniff. Either a dispropor- 


AND NOW FOR THE BATHTUB GIN OF THE SEVENTIES: Do you 
talk to your house plants? Do your house plants talk back? 
Chances are that you're one of the veteran heads who've taken to 
cultivating home-grown hallucinogens in the basement. Name 
your poison. For $15, you can get a'starter kit for P.S. Cubensis 
mushrooms from Maya Bells, Inc. (P.O. Box 26166, Lakewood. 
Colorado 80226). The kits are legal (the spores are inactive and 
not on the controlled-drugs schedule); the results aren't. A 
spokesman for Maya Bells explained the success of the kits (sales 
have doubled in the past six months) as a return to nature. "People 
were tired of not knowing what they were getting." Wise; a lot of 
so-called magic mushrooms turned out to be pizza mushrooms 
with a little PCP sprayed on. Happy trails to you. ` 


tionate number of famous people in- 
dulge in esoteric drugs ог narcs spend 


an inordinate amount of time trying to 


nail celebrities. Whatever, the list of 
greats and near greats who have been 


busted on drug charges in the past 18 
months is impressive. From left to 
right, you see Judy Carne. the sock- 
itto-me star of the old Laugh-In, 
who was hit with a possession charge 
in Los Angeles; Keith Stroup. the 
crusading head of NORML, was 


literature and a two-gram thai stick. 
Linda Blair, the child star of The Exor- 
cist, was accused of conspiring to 
sell or buy cocaine in Florida. Leon 
Spinks, who could have been a con- 
tender but ended up champ, was 
hassled by a traffic cop and busted 
for possessing 1/100th of a gram of 
cocaine. Estimated street value: 
$5,000,000. For those of you who 
have never seen 1/100th of a gram of 
cocaine, feel free to peruse the sam- 
ple at left. MacKenzie Phillips, the 
18-year-old daughter of John Phillips 
and co-star of One Day at a Time, 
was found semiconscious in a Holly- 
wood street last November. Fame 
and fortune have their drawbacks. 


article By JAMES McKINLEY 


what is america's biggest drug problem? 
chances are it’s in your medicine cabinet—anth a brand name on it 


JOU SMILE As YOUR DOCTOR scribbles on his pad. You utter thanks as he extends the pre- 
scription. You grasp it, feeli ° relief already from whatever ill your flesh is heir to 
ps anxiety or depr i pain. 


e glad, but should you be? What youre holding is more than a piece of paper. It's 
your membership card in America's largest drug culture, the pillzapoppin’ world of prescription 
drugs. You have onc of the one and a half billion prescriptions (seven per every living American) 
that will be written this year for one or more of the 26,000 licit drugs. It will cost about 55.98 
to get it filled, your part of the 11 billion dollars the FDA estimates is spent on legal drugs 
cach year. Each pill will be only one of the approximately 40 billion that will be dispensed this 
year, or 1800 per capita. And when you shake it out, when relief is just a swallow away, there 


ILLUSTRATION BY IGNACIO GOMEZ 


PLAYBOY 


are some things you should know. 

You should know that if you follow 
directions, the pill will probably do 
what it's supposed to—numb you or reg- 
ulate something or take you up or down 
orround and round—but that there may 
be nasty side effects, things your doctor 
may not have told you because he didn't 
know or wasn't told by the people who 
made your pill. You're now licensed to 
get addicted, twisted, blasted, ruined by 
accident or on purpose, but altogether 
legally. Empowered to join Betty Ford, 
Jerry Lee Lewis and unsung millions of 
your fellow citizens in becoming de- 
pendent on the pills; so much so that in 
extreme cases, you may find yourself 
doctor shopping for more prescriptions, 
or patronizing shady pharmacies, or 
going onto the street to find pills to feed 
your habit. You may become one of the 
200,000-plus overdosed emergency-room 
patients, or, if you really abuse your 
pills (especially taking them with some 
other drug, such as alcohol), you can 
wind up dead. Some 10,000 to 12,000 
prescription-drug victims will this year 
(that’s exclusive of other drug-related 
deaths, such as those who will die from 
allergic reactions to antibiotics). 

Say, for example, that you're given 
something common, one of the 
72,424,000 prescriptions for Librium and 
Valium (both are products of Hoffman- 
LaRoche, the IBM of pills; 57,084,000 
Valium prescriptions were written last 
year, more than for any other drug. In 
fact, Valium is in a class all its own, 
since nearly one and one half times 
as many prescriptions were written for 
it as for the number-two prescribed drug 
in the country, Darvon, a painkiller 


_ whose therapeutic use has been ques- 


ned, and that carries the danger of 
dependence and results in numerous fa- 
talities each year). You'll get about 50 
tablets in an ordinary Valium prescrip- 
tion. Take too many with another drug 
and you'll be one of the 63,700 clients 
of the emergency room. Thats three 
times more Valium O.D.s than there are 
heroin overdoses in a year. You could 
be one of the 880 Valium-rclated deaths. 
"That's more than 50 percent of the her- 
oin total and about twice those attrib- 
uted to a downer such as phenobarbital. 
Or suppose you're given any of the 
top 24 abused prescription drugs. Then 
you might join the 280,600 emergency- 
room visitors or the 10,950 people who 
died as a result of those drugs. The warn 
ing about alcohol cannot be emphasized 
too strongly: According to law-enforce- 
ment officials and chemists, a ten-milli- 
gram Valium (good for at least eight 
hours in a normal adult male) taken with. 
one beer equals 100 milligrams of Val- 


166 ium. You're entering a big, potentially 


dangerous drug culture, one that can 
cure you but may control or even Kill 
you. And whose fault is that 


D 
Actually, the patient is the end (too 
often literally) of a line tracking through 
pharmacist and physician to the corpo- 
rate leyiathans of the drug industry. f he 
freight can be heavy on that receiving 
end and the victims have no profile— 
they run the gamut from street users to 
middleclass housewives to the doctors 
themselves. For example, Marilyn was a 
pretty 17-year-old high school student in 
a lower-middle-class urban neighborhood 
when, like millions of other tccnagers, 
she went looking for pills on which to 
get high. The local mark was an osteo- 
pathic practitioner, fully qualified under 
the law to prescribe drugs. Marilyn wa 
slender, obyiously in fine health, but the 
osteopath gave her a prescription for 
amphetamines, anyway. (In this case, for 
Preludin, an often abused amphetamine 
analog.) Marilyn visited her local phar- 
macist, who was well aware that the 
osteopath had written many prescrip- 
tions for teenagers. She paid him 530 for 
95 pills (manufacturing cost, about three 
dollars; pharmacists cost, about eight 
dollars). Soon after she started taking the 
pills, she was boil them down and 
taking the speed intravenously. Today, 
Marilyn can look k on ten years of 
addiction to speed. Littering those years 
are prostitution, robbery, futile drug re- 
habilitation attempts, s and— 
ultimately—the murder of her pimp 
lover. Marilyn is once again out of jail. 
She is 27 and looks 60. She still takes 
Preludin, Ritalin, Desbutal, Desoxyn— 
whatever she can wangle from phys 
(osteopaths in Marilyn's city are easier 
marks than М.О»). As long as their 


will lı 


g doctors can, 
out of ignorance, ruin or kill people, 
often with drugs no one would take even 
to get h. Esther Sudell, a chro: 
sufferer of sinus problems, decided she 
needed medical attention for headache 
n and a stuffedup nose after her 
usual acetaminophen dosage did not pro- 
vide relief. So she went to the nearest 
hospital. The intern gave her cephalo- 
sporin, a compound related to penicillin. 
What he did was that Mrs. 
Sudell had a long list of allergic reactions 
to a variety of things, induding peni- 
cillin. She was also diabetic. Soon after 
taking the cephalosporin, she started hay- 
ing trouble breathing. Her husband 
checked back with the hospital and was 
told he had nothing to worry about. 
Gradually, breathing became more and 
more difficult for Mrs. Sudell, and her 
husband called the family doctor. He, 


т know 


too, told them not to worry. An hour 
later, Mrs. Sudell stopped breathing alto- 
gether. Another hour later, she was back 
the hospital, D.O.A. 

Physicians themselves are often victims 
of their own drugs. Addiction, particu- 
larly to narcotics, is frequent enough 
among doctors to be a major concern ot 
the A.M.A. and the Federal Government. 
But the doctors’ carelessness with drugs 
can also be lethal. A case sharpens the 
point. Dr. Parker (a pseudonym) had 
what he diagnosed as a bacterial respira- 
tory infection. It hampered his work, so 
he visited a fellow M.D. for an antibiotic 
injection, Dr. Parker had suffered very 
mild reactions to some antibiotics, but 
had thought nothing about them. His 
friend did not inquire about allergies 
before injecting him with i 
irty seconds later, Dr. Parker 
conscious on the floor, traum 
severe anaphylactic r 
saved by his friend's giving him an im- 
njection of Adrenalin and 
prompt care at a nearby hospital. Dr. 
Parker was lucky—such services are not 
always ayailable—but he still wishes his 
friend had been more careful. 

"The most frequent problem drug user 
is typified by а man we'll call Gerry 
Luther, aged 35, married, with three 
children, an insurance agent, active in 
the Jaycees and the high school boosters 
club, a jogger. 

His work depressed him. It also wound 
him up tight. Gerry got prescriptions 
first for Valium. For months, it helped 
get him through his workday. Then he 
found that mixing it with vodka or an 
occasional joint gave him “very good 
feelings.” He started doing lots of it. But 
his work, his middle-class life still de- 
pressed him. From another doctor, he 
got a prescription for Elavil, an anti 
depressant. Mixing and matching his 
various potions, Gerry discovered he 
could get positively euphoric—and stay 
that way with constant and unchecked 
prescription refills. Work, family became 
interludes for him, but he successfully 
concealed his drug habit until it became 
too much even for him to handle, 

Luther went to yet another doctor and 
told him his drug history. The doctor 
put Luther in an outpatient drug-abuse 
program. Fortunately, it worked and Lu- 
ther is now free of drug dependence. He 
says, “I sure wasn't the only one. I met 
dozens of people who were flying high 
every day just to get through it. There's 
a whole world of them out there. 

And if you spend any time asking 
doctors about cases like these, they will 
make your hair stand up detailing all of 
the bizarre and needless ways in which 
the disease can turn out to be mild com- 
pared with the treatment. 

So it is cert: that each station on 

(continued on page 178) 


E 
| 

| 
| 
i 

= 


STREET-WISE 


after two thousand years of indulgence in dangerous drugs, 
the message is still the same: let the buyer beware 


аш By ARTHUR STICKGOLD 


AST SPRING, a traveling carnival came to Kansas City, Missouri. The side show featured 
L: unusual exhibit. An 18-year-old boy—supposedly the victim of LSD—ay on the dirt 

floor of a cage, eating dead snakes. Outside, the barker lured crowds with the promise that 
they would see for themselves the elfecis of drugs on American youth. The ultimate bad trip. 

The guy who came up with this gimmick believed that the exhibit would show many young: 
sters the uuc light and lead them from a path of drug abuse that might end in an institution- 

Not long ago, this guy could have been the head of the Drug Enforcement Agency. His 
side show has a touch of that organization's former style. For years, the Government tried to 


PLAYBOY 


168 


frighten the populace into the proper 
attitude toward recreationa] drugs. Drug 
abuse was a sin like self abuse. It would 
cause hair to grow on your palms and, yes, 
it could even make you blind. Remem- 
ber the one about the four trippers who 
burned out the rctinas of their eyes star- 
ing into the sun? The story, when it 
broke, made page one. The truth—that 
a director of a state program for the 
blind in Pennsylvania had made up the 
lent for fear of what might hap- 
pen—probably didn't even make the 
local paper. 

Of course, if you didn't believe those 
manufactured horror stories, then there 
were those who tried to convince you 
that your pleasure potions were actually 
poison. The whore with the heart of 
gold had venereal disease. Acid was cut 
with strychnine. Your grass might be 
laced with heroin and you could become 
an addict overnight. Don't touch that 
white stuff, you might be snorting Drano. 
Ironically, at the same time such stories 
were circulating, the DEA was hassling 
the fist attempts by independent labs 
such as Pharm Chem to analyze samples 
of street drugs and publish newsletters on 
just what shit was going down in the 
streets. 

Fortunately, clear heads have рге- 
vailed. The street labs are allowed to 
exist and their findings are published in. 
underground newspapers. The drug con- 
sumers at last can get the straight dope 
about the chemicals they are putting i 
their bodies. In addition, drug à 
ters have begun to flourish. Street people 
can turn to their peers for help in chem- 
ical emergencies. They have learned how 
to treat themselves and pass that wisdom 


along. ‘The experience has taught us sev- 
eral lessons. One of them is that some 
people shouldn't take drugs. The man 
who uses a gun to kill isa murderer; the 


is blameless. A hit-and-run driver is 


gu 


guilty; the car is innocent. That attitude 
should apply to recreational drugs, yet 
the new prohibitionists hold that when a 
violent person takes a drug and commits 
a crime, it is the drug that is to blame. 
Drugs are painted as villains. The world 
of street drugs is consequently filled with 
myths, misinformation, rip-offs and occa- 
sionally genuine danger. The message is 
still: Let the buyer beware, whether he is 
buying drugs or the legends surrounding 
them. 

The three questions any person em- 
barking on a recreational-drug trip 
should ask are: What is the purity of 
the drug? What is the dose? And what is 
the reality of the reputation that pre- 
cedes the drug? 


MARIJUANA. 


We know more about marijuana than 
we do about any other illegal drug, yet 
the myths abound. In the past few years, 
the marijuana opponents have pushed 
studies suggesting that marijuana leads 
to hard drugs, that marijuana causes 
birth defects, that marijuana impairs the 
body's immunity system, that marijuana 
lowers the body's testosterone level (i.e., 
sex drive), that marijuana wrecks your 
life by destroying your motivation. Each 
of these claims has been contradicted by 
less-publicized follow-up studies, so the 
new prohibitionists have had to call up 
new studies with which to treat Con- 
gressmen fearing an attack of rationality. 
In his forward to Marihuana and. Health, 
the Sixth Annual Report to the U. S. Con- 
gress, Robert L. Dupont came up with 
a new risk: "Is marijuana use safe? We 
can offer a simplistic, but unequivocal, 
‘No.’ There is good evidence that being 
"high'—intoxicated Бу marijuana—im- 
pairs responses ranging from driving to 
intellectual and interpersonal functi. 
ing. . . . We now know that marijuana 


OF LEGAL AND 


On March 2, 1978, Louis Harris and 
wide poll on drug use. They found tha 
such as pep pills, tra rs and pai 
Saccharine, which has been linked to cai 


the number of users but that temptatio 
they like, and take it, regardless of danger. 


DRUGS 


DA 


Diet pills 
Sleeping pills 
Birth-control pills 
‘Tranquilizers 
inkillers 
Marijuana 
Saccharine 


PERCEIVED DANGERS AND ACTUAL USE 


ed the number of users ba: 
years and older in the U.S. He found tha 


ILLEGAL DRUGS 


Associates released the findings of a nation- 
most Americans perceive prescription drugs 
Hers as more dangerous than marijuana. 
cer, is nor considered as being particularly 
:d on 145,000,000 adults 18 
t perceived danger had a limiting effect on 
far exceeds education. People know what 


% FE PROJECTED 

NGEROUS NUMBER 

TO USE OF USERS 
91 2,900,000 
75 11,500,000 
70 11,500,000 
67 22,000,000 
55 27,500,000 
55 29,500,000 
52 51,000,000. 
4 2,000,000. 
37 500,000 
2 65,000,000 


intoxication poses a significant threat to 
highway safety in much the same way 
that alcohol does.” 

The evidence? In a study of drivers 
involved in fatal accidents in the Boston 
area, doctors found a higher number of 
marijuana smokers than statistical prob- 
ability had led them to expect. In a 
California study, police found th 
percent of the drivers pulled over for 
"impaired driving" had marijuana in 
their blood. 

The study is not exactly conclusive. 
‘The term impaired driving was not de- 
fined. For some law-enforcement officials, 
long hair is still a sign of impaired driv- 
ing, criminal intent, etc, (There are 
contradictory studies that show d 
after smoking a low dose of marijuana 
is far less dangerous than driving alter 
drinking.) Whatever the evidence, it does 
not justify the current legal penalties for 
marijuana use. Obviously, some people 
shouldn't drive after using marijuana. 
They should not be locked up. Let them 
stay at home, blissed out inside their 
headphones, 

Dupont was willing to admit that regu- 
lar weed was probably harmless; in its 
place, he created a new specter of super- 
weed: “То date, most American mari- 
juana users smoke relatively Iow-potency 
material and only occasionally. The 
parently benign picture presented by 
that type of use—aside from possible 
hazards related. to functioning while 
toxicated, few other specific health h 
ards have been definitively iden 
may change if more frequent use of 
stronger materials becomes common. If 
laboratory finding of posible effects of 
the body's immune response, endocrino- 
logical functioning and cell metabo 
prove to have serious clinical implica- 
tion, marijuana’s persistence in the body 
may make even episodic use risky.” 

Superweed? Well, the fact is that Amer- 
icans have been smoking superweed for 
several years now. In the past decade, the 
varieties and potencies of Cannabis prod- 
ucts have become vastly more compli- 
cated. Ten years ago, you could buy 
simple marijuana—with between one 
half and two percent active ingredient. 
Hashish, which was harder to obtain, 
more costly and a son of a bitch to keep 
burning, contained as much as eight per- 
cent THC (tetrahydrocannabinol). 

"Today, you can still find some of the 
old commercial-grade marijuana at prices 
from $10 to $20 an ounce. The smoke of 
choice comes from Colombia, costs from 
$40 to $70 an ounce and contains from 
four to seven percent THC. That poten- 
cy level is matched by some high-quality, 
industrial-strength. Mexican grass (such as 


scare, no dealer will sell you "Mex! 

grass. It's all Colombian. 
But the story docs not stop there: 
Scientific farming and new trade routes 
(continued on page 220) 


by following 

a few simple 
instructions, you, too, 
can be a wild 

and cuhraaaazzzzy 


kind of guy 


170 


LET'S FACE rr, fellas—the old shticks just aren't good enough 
anymore. Those trusty old one-liners are putting them to sleep. 
Girls who used to find you witty are now finding you a muzzle. 
The only way you're going to be the life of the party nowadays 
is to imitate America’s favorite comic—Steve Martin. By simply 
dressing up like Steve and memorizing the familiar Martin 
shtick we've provided on these pages, you can be a laugh riot! 


BEFORE 


Before leorring the Steve Martin Method, this guy (above) was bore- 
dom on wheels, the kind of clown who could clear out a room in two 
seconds flat. You know the type—olwoys moking with the some dumb 
jokes. With this guy oround, you don't need o sedotive, just earplugs. 
Next to him, cardiac arrest is hilorious. But wotch what happens 
os we miroculously transform him into o Steve Mortin impersonctor. 


HOW TO DRESS LIKE STEVE MARTIN 


Notice 


I-you con foke the rest. 


Dressing up like Steve is essen 
the sidesplitting illusion created by the arrow! No, it’s not real! 


The contrast between the stylish white three-piece suit and the rest 
of the getup mokes for outomatic hilority! Groucho glosses optional. 


BASIC FACIAL EX 

THE “EXCUUUUUUUUL- l 
UUUSE ME” LOOK. 
Shtick: “Um so mod ot 
my mother. She's 102 

years old and she called Ë 

me up lost week... |Ë 

soid she wanted to bor- MI 

row {еп dollars for some 

food. | told her, ‘Hey, 

I work for a living.’ So 1 

lent her the money— 


hod my secrotory take it 

down—ond yesterdoy 
she colls me up ond soys 
she con't pay me bock 


for a while. .. . | soid, 
‘What is this bull- | 
shit?’ . . . So | worked it | 


out with her . . . I'm 
gonno hove her corry 

my bar bells up to 
the attic,“ 


THE PROFESSIONAL 
SHOW-BUSINESS LOOK. 
Shtick: “My doctor 
told me to toke 
vp smoking. He soid 

I wasn't getting enough 
tor. The fun port of 
smoking is choosing a 
brond. ‘Couse there 
ore so many differ- 
ent kinds. You know, 
Virginio Slims is a wom- 
оп cigorette, right? 
Whot do they hove—little 
breosts on them or 
something? Smoking 
bothers me in a res- 
1ouront. If someone soys, 
‘Mind if | smoke?’ I soy,| 
‘Mind if | fort? It’s one of | 
my habits,’ They've even 
got а special section for| a 


me on cirplanes now. 


THE LET'S-GET-SMALL 
LOOK. Shtick: “I 
don't use drugs any- 
more. .. . Actuolly, | do 
still use one drug... 
Maybe you've heard of 
it. It mokes you 

smoll. ... 1 know I 
shouldn't get small when 
I'm driving, but | wos 
drivin’ around the other 
doy ond o cop pulls me 

. soys, ‘Hey, are 
you smoll?” 1 say, ‘No, 
I'm tall." He soys, ‘I'm 
gonno have to measure |f 
you.’ They give you a || 
little test with o bolloon. || 
If you con get inside 


over.. 


it, they know you're 
ond they can't} 
put you in o regulor 
cell, either, ‘couse you 
con walk right out.” Ё 


smoll... 


BASIC BODY MOVES 


REWARDS 


THE WILD AND 
CUHRAAAZY GUY 
LOOK. Shtick: "Yes, I’m 
a wild and cuhracazy 
guy . . . the kind of guy 
who might like to do 
annnathing . . . at onnna 
time . . . to drink chom- 
pagne at three A.M.. or 
maybe... at four A.M... 
eat a live chipmunk... 
or maybe even... wear 


two socks on 
one foot! . . . | love 


is the kind of reac- 
tion you cught to be getting. Hey, we're hovin' some fun now, huh? 


If you've followed all of our instructions, 
money. | bought some 


pretty good stuf—I got 
me o $30 pair of socks, 
а fur sink, an electric 
dog polisher. . . . And, 


of course, | bought 


some dumb stuff, too.” 


THE “I’M GETTING 
HAPPY FEET” LOOK. 
Shtick: “I gave my 

cat a bath the other 
doy. And I'd al- 

ways heard thet 

you weren't gı dm 
supposed to МАЙ 
give cats baths. But 

my cat came home and 
he was really diri 
and I decided to give 
him o bath, and it 
was great. ... If you 
have a cat, don't 


worry cbout it, they 
love it. . . . He sat 
Ihere and he en- 
joyed it, it was fun 
for me.... The 
fur would stick to 

my tongue, but other 
than that. . ..” 


THE “HEY, WE'RE 
HAVIN’ SOME FUN, 
HUH?” LOOK. 

Shtick: "I'm feeling 
kinda depressed. | guess 
I'm thinking about 

my old girlfriend . . . 
guess | kinda miss 

her. . . . She's not living 
anymore . . . and | 
guess | blame myself for 
her decth. We were 
at a party one night. We 
weren't getting along. 
She began to drink. . . 
she asked me to drive her 
home and 1 refused. 

We argued a little 
further and she 

asked me once again, 
‘Would you please 

drive me home?’ I 
didn't want to... so 
1 shot her.” 


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PLAYBOY 


PIGSKIN PREVIEW ано» page 156) 


“Tf any of the other Big Ten teams challenges the 
two biggies, it will likely be Purdue.” 


an” elusive scrambler, and fabulous 
freshman Art Schlichter, a skilled passer. 
Coach Woody Hayes, cagey as ever, may 
startle opponents this year with frequent 
passes. The main problem in Columbus 
will be the stability of the Bud 


THE MIDWEST 


BIG TEN 


Michigan 10-1 Wisconsin 
Ohio State 10-1 Minnesota 
Purdue 74 Лома 

Michigan State 6-5 Illinois 38 
Indiana 6-5 Northwestern 1-10 


MID-AMERICAN CONFERENCE 


Bowling Green 5-6 
Kent State — 5-6 
Eastern 


65 
5—6 
5—6 


Miami 

Ball State 

Central 
Michigan 

Western 
Michigan 

Northern 
Illinois 


92 
92 
83 
83 


83 


INDEPENDENTS 
83 Louisville 


Ohio University 2-9 


Notre Dame 1-4 
Cincinnati 
TOP PLAYERS: Dufek, Leach, R. Davis, Simp- 
kins (Michigan); Cousineau, Guess, Gerald, 
Springs (Ohio State); Herrmann, LeFeber 
(Purdue), Gibson, Graves (Michigan State); 
Abrams, Peacock (Indiana); Ahrens, Mat- 
thews (Wisconsin); Kitanann, Sytsma (Min- 
nesota); Rusk (lowa); Sullivan (Ilinois); 
Fortner, Sullivan (Miami); Morrison, Kremer 
(Ball State); Savich (Central Michiga 
Persell (Western Michigan Lewendoski, 
Petzke (Northern Illinois); Groth (Bow! 
Green); Lazor (Kent State); Wilkinson 
fasten Michigan); Groves (Ohio University); 
Huffman, Golic, Browner, Foley, Ferguson 
tote Dame); Kümick, Berry (Cincinnati); 
Wilson, Poole (Louisville). 


defense, from which most of last year's 
standouts graduated. Stalwart Tom 
Cousineau will be one of the best—and 
busiest—linebackers in the land. 

If any of the other Big Ten teams 
challenges the two biggies, it will likely 
be Purdue. The Boi! ikers have а 
future superstar quarterback, Mark Herr- 
mann, and three sterling receivers, tight 
end Dave Young and wide receivers 
Raymond Smith and transfer Mike Har- 
ris. As with the other conference also- 
rans, depth is the main problem at 
Purdue. If all the first-stringers stay rea- 
sonably healthy, look for the Boilers to 
fill Big Ten stadiums with forward passes 
and give Woody Hayes and Bo Schem- 
bechler а few sleepless nights. Also look 
for a revival of the Purdue running 
game—coach Jim Young recruited sev- 


174 eral hotshot runners last winter and has 


some option attack plans up his sleeve. 

Michigan State will also do most of its 
traveling air. Quarterback Eddie 
Smith already holds most of the school 
ng records and is blessed with fine 
ivers, best of whom is Kirk Gibson. 
Freshman runner Derek Hughes w 
a welcome boost to the ground game. 
The defensive line, unfortunately, was 
gutted by graduation, and the schedule 
(with Syracuse, Southern California and 
Notre Dame as nonconference oppo- 
lethal. The Spartans, therefore, 
will have a tough time matching last 
year's seven wins. 

Coach Lee Corso's rebuilding job is 

moving apace at Indiana. There are 
more top-quality players in camp than in. 
any year since the Rose Bowl trip. Scott 
Arnett is a vastly underrated quarter- 
back, and his passing will be aided by 
the arrival of transfer receiver Mike 
Friede. Best news is the return of flashy 
runner Mike Harkrader, who was out 
with injuries all last season. He and full- 
back Tony D'Orazio will again make 
Indiana one of the league’s best rushing 
teams. Quality defensive players are 
‘ce, however. If Corso can find а few 
more studs to reinforce both lines, the 
Hoosiers could pull off some upsets. 
New Wiscon coach Dave McClain 
has installed an Loption attack and has 
a wealth of quarterback talent. Passers 
Charles Green and Jeff Buss both looked 
good in spring drills (Green is the likely 
starter) and two incoming freshmen, 
John Josten and Scott Moeschl, were 
prep All-Americas. Ditto freshman tail- 
back Dave Mohapp, who will help vet- 
eran Ira Matthews give the Badgers a 
sizzling ground game. Eighteen of last 
year’s top 22 defenders return, led by 
end Daye Ahrens, but a thin offensive 
line could cause problems. 

A superb defensive crew was largely 
responsible for Minnesota's winning "77 
cord, but many of the key players have 
departed. Also missing is the surprise 
factor, so it won't be as easy to way! 
supposedly better—but 
teams such as Michigan and UCLA. The 
ground game, featuring fullback Kent 
ann and supersoph runner Marion 
Barber, will again be the Gophers' main. 
weapon. The frosh crop is heavily pop- 
ith beefy linemen and many of 
them will be pressed into immediate 
action, Coach Cal Stoll must also find 
some dependable linchackers and estab- 
lish a consistent passing game. 

The Jowa team continues to improve. 


With 


ning 


little luck, it could have a win- 
on, The main task in fall drills 
will be to find a starting quarterback 
from among three sophomore candidates, 
best of whom appears to be Bob Com- 
mings, Jr., the coach's son. The 
eyes must also mend the running game 
and the pass defense, both of wl 
were among the league's worst last sea- 
son. The ground defense, built around 
linebacker Tom Rusk, will terrorize op- 
posing runners. 

At Illinois, coach Gary Moeller must 
also find a quarterback. The prime can- 
didate is soph Rich Weiss. Wayne Si 
lie Weber give the fullback 
pos best power since the days 
of Jim Grabow: Moeller has had much 
success in recruiting the past two years, 
so the squad will be talented but young. 
‘The schedule, 

Northwestern starts over—at the bot- 
tom—with a new coach (Rick Venturi), 
a new offense (pro set à la Stanford), a 
new quarterback (Kevin Strasser), 
offensive line and the same old dismal 
prospects. Venturi fortunately gathered 
an excellent crop of recruits—especially 
much-needed Jinemen—so look for the 
Purple to be very green this fall. 

Miami and Ball State, beginning the 
season cofavorites for the Mid-Amer- 
ican Conference championship, meet in 
the season opener September ninth. It 
should be a barn-burner. New Miami 
coach Tom Reed inherits a team with 
13 returning starters. The offense, led by 
quarterback Larry Forner, will be 
spectacular. 

Another new coach, Ball State's 
Dwight Wallace, also found some nug- 
gets awaiting him. Passer Dave Wilson 
and receiver Rick Morrison will be one 
of the country's top aerial combos. 

Most of Central Michigan's good often- 
sive crew went the diploma route, so 
much of this year’s scoring will be done 
by Yugoslavian place kicker Rade Savich. 

Western Michigan, expecting to win 
the conference title last year, was wiped 
out by ue of injuries. With most of 
the casualties returned to health, West- 
ern should double its victory output. 
Jerome Persell may be the best runner in 
the Midwest, and wingback Cra 
zier is a touchdown threat every 
touches the ball. 

With 17 starters. returning 
wealth of young talent in camp, North- 
ern Illinois should be the most improved 
team in the league. Supersoph runner 
Allen Ross (built like a fire hydrant, he's 
called R2-D? by his teammates) will 
make every game exciting. 

Bowling Green, with a dearth of talent 
in the upper classes, will be an extremely 
young team but could come on strong in 
late season. New Kent State coach Ron 
(continued on page 242) 


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the judgment 


ONCE, LONG AGO, there lived a caliph 
named Mohammed Rizkhala, a just 
ruler who was respected and loved by 
his subjects. And he loved some of them 
in return with especial vigor—certain 

nd concubines of his courtiers. He 


wives 
was a discreet man, though, and no one 
ever lost honor from an exposure of 
these secret alli 

Still, given the fact the women’s 
tongues are hinged (and perhaps even 
those of a few men), rumors did get 
about and grew even more spectacular i 
their passage. And by the time the caliph 
had become sedate, gray-bearded and the 
her of many children, the rumors had 
grown into a legend. 

"There was a certain palace guardsman 
named Samir Radhid who was blessed 
with much charm, much vitality in love- 
making and much simpleness of mind. It 
irked him to have a beautiful woman, 
just after a warm bout, turn her face 
aside and sigh, “Ah, but the caliph at 
his best. . . ." Soon the notion of creat 
ing his own, transcendent legend began 
to possess him. He would outdo the 
caliph, he decided. And so he set about 
this with no regard to secrecy. He was 
frequently seen climbing over garden 
walls or issuing from the doors of houses 
where he had no business. 

Five days later, he found himself 
dragged before the caliph in chains, sur- 
rounded by a crowd of angry husbands 
and fathers who were shouting demands 
for his castration. 

The aged caliph could not suppress a 
smile. How cin the wise man tell the 
difference from a guardsman and his stal 
lion when both are in rut? “Soldier,” he 
asked, “why do you injure these good 
men by spreading the legs of their wives 
and daughters while they are away from 
The news has humiliated them 


Samir begged for leniency. He swore 
that evil gossips in the bazaar had exag. 
gerated really very minor adventures. 
Finally, growing bold, he confessed that 
he had been inspired by the legend of a 
certain great ruler—even though the 
imitation had been inept. He promised. 
to compensate the citizens with all the 
wealth he possessed and to borrow even 
more from his family. 

The caliph smiled again at the thinly 
veiled reference to his own reputation as 
a lover—and then sighed. He began to 
feel some sympathy for this stupid but 
brave young man. 

"Now, hear my d the 
caliph. “We shall put an end to this 
nonsense of comparing any man's accom- 

ishments with mine. Today my coun- 
cilors will choose secretly the most clever 
and experienced courtesan in the town. 


from El Qissat alty Rawaha aby. or Tales My Father Told Me 


Tonight she will be brought to a door 
marked with a square and let into a 
dark room. One of us—either you or I— 
will receive her. Then she will be taken 
to a door marked by the sign of a 
triangle and the other one of us will be 
inside waiting. Tomorrow she will tell 
us all whether square or triangle was tl 
more satisfying lover—and then identi- 
ties will be revealed. If I lose, you shall 
go free. If you lose—well, I suppose 
there are worse things than being a 
eunuch, though I can't think of one at 
the moment.” 

АП was done as the caliph had ordered 
and when the courtesan was brought 
before the assemblage the next v. he 
told her to give her judgment. 

She looked at Sam h dark and 
beautiful eyes. “The sqi was like a 
lion," she said, "like the sword of the 
Prophet! It impaled me with a flame that. 
seemed to burn all night, It thrust be- 
yond my belly into my very soul." 


Ribald Classic 


Samir's k straightened and he threw 
a proud glance at the sultan, who seemed 
to droop in his chair with every word 

"But," the woman continued, “I have 
experienced that a few times before. As 
for the triangle, he was of a kind no 
woman ever mects on earth—only in 
dreams or visions. I felt as if I were 
flower and he was the gentle sun and 
rain that made me grow and unfold. He 
cherished me in such a way that I was 
convinced that I was the only woman he 
had ever had. And that, my lord, is 
when a woman finds perfection" 

Now it was the caliph's turn to look 
uiumphantly at Samir. "I am going to 
be merciful, my son," he said. "Although 
you lost, vou arc free to go. But remem- 
ber the bit of wisdom you learned today. 
When you can make a woman feel that 
she is the first, the last and the only, 
then you have the chance of becoming 
a legend," 


—Retold by Khan Yonan EB 


ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD HOLLAND. 


PLAYBOY 


GRAY-FLANNEL PUSHER 


(continued from page 166) 


“Only 150 to 200 drugs are needed to take care of 
almost all ordinary illnesses around the world.” 


the way to the user or patient bears some 
responsibility for the overuse, misuse 
and just plain abuse of the drugs. But 
the majority of the blame for the pre- 
scription-drug culture seems to lie with 
drug manufacturers. They invent and 
wholesale each compound. They create 
its market for doctors, pharmacists and. 
ultimately patients. Their history in de- 
veloping and promoting drugs is, in 
some instances, as questionable as it is 
profitable. True, that doesn't exonerate 
the other pushers and abusers. Studies 
show that from one quarter to one half 
of the people don't take their medicine 
as prescribed, some through 
many because they like getting high 
legally. Too many doctors overprescribe 
("Lets make the patient feel good, no 
matter what") and fail to check their 
patients’ progress with the drugs. They, 
too, may be ignorant of a drug’s possible 
dangers. It’s reliably estimated that your 
physician chooses to get 70 percent of 
his information on drugs from the drug 
companies. Most of their data is accurate 
but it’s almost ably slanted to a 
particular product. The doctor's journals 
have better data, but only abour 20 per- 
cent of his knowledge comes from them 
Thus, they may prescribe too much 
too often. They frequently prescribe irra- 
ally; amphetamines, for example, for 
appetite suppression. Today's data shows 
no valid medical uses for speed except in 
treating narcolepsy and some rare types of 
hyperactivity in children. (You will note 
in our drug chart that weight control and. 
combating fatigue are listed as medical 
uses of speed. That is because, though 
strongly discouraged, some doctors still 
prescribe amphetamines for weight con- 
trol and because the military uses speed 
to fend off fatigue) Perhaps understand- 
ably, the physician and the drug com 
pany view themselves as partners in 
fighting disease. The A.M.A. has been 
muy simpatico with drug companies, 
which rent lavish display space at A.M.A. 
conventions, where they buttonhole the 
prescribers, wining and dining them 
while extolling their products. The Jour- 
nal of the American Medical Association 
is thick with drugcompany ads, some of 
them for products that have been shown 
to be ineffective or just plain dangerous. 
Behind all these problems are the 
manufacture, distribution and prescrip- 
tion of the drugs in much the same way 


17g that Procter & Gamble works to move 


soap, foods and paper goods. With 
ences, of course. Some drugs are essential 
to our well-being. Many are potentially 
hazardous. All are expensive to develop, 
costing anywhere (the companies say) 
from $15,000,000 to $30,000,000 each to 
perfect. But there are some 21,000 drugs 
made by these companies, while the 
World Health Organization claims that 
only 150 to 200 drugs are needed to take 
care of almost all ordinary illnesses 
around the world—figures that leave 
room at the top for those drugs that 
might treat exotic conditions, This raises 
the question: What are they doing mak- 
ing and then pushing all these drugs? 
‘The manufacturers find themselves with a 
Jarge business dilemma. How, on the one 
hand, to make money for the stockholders 
(which means generating increased drug 
usage) and, on the other, to stay ethical 
(that is, not addle the minds of the medi- 
cal profession and its patients). 
world-wide drug 
sales are over 40 billion dollars annually. 
Over one quarter of that comes from the 
United States, where the companies 
charge more for most drugs. Here are 
some examples from 1970 of outrageous 
profit margins. Minor tranquilizers are 
a major part of the prescriptiondrug 
profit picture: It is estimated today that 
27 percent of American men and 42 
percent of American women have used 
them. In 1970, Carter-Wallace, Inc, the 
holder of the meprobamate patents (Mi 
town and Equanil), charged domestic 
drug wholesalers $3.60 for 50 milligram 
tablets. The pills cost Carter-Wallace 
only 37 cents, because the active ingre- 
dient, meprobamate, is cheap. In addi- 
ion, Carter-Wallace didn't even. make 
the chemical—it bought it for 87 cents a 
pound, rolled some into its pills with its 
name on them and sold the rest in bulk 
for $23.80 per pound (that's a 2635 рег- 
cent profit). It was all perfectly legal 
under patent protection. Patent law gives 
a company a 17-усаг monopoly on a 
drug. It also shows how marketing by 
brand name is vital to profits. 

Another case originated in England, 
where Hoffman-LaRoche was selling 
Valium for $2300 per kilogram to the 
British Health Service. The cost was $50. 
The British government found out and 
forced LaRoche to return some of the 
overcharge. The price of Valium went 
down dramatically in England, but La- 
Roche didn’t alter its prices elsewhere. 


It's estimated 0] 


Americans today рау three to four times 
what the English do for this brand name. 
Hoffman-LaRoche is one of the 
world’s most profitable companies. In- 
deed, Hoffman-LaRoche ^is drugs," as 
one pharmacologist said, the model for 
the industry. It is a Swiss-based firm 
controlled by a small group of stock- 
holders. "Their profits are secret but are 
known to be astronomical An analyst 
for the Bache brokerage house said, 
"Dealing with Swiss drug companies is 
like dealing with Swiss banks." Shares of 
the company are not led openly. 
They are tightly held by their owners, 
for very good reason: One share is esti- 
mated to be worth between $40,000 and 
$60,000. Hoffman-LaRoche's American 
subsidiary, Roche, contributes 40 percent. 
of total world-wide sales. Roche has more 
prescriptions among the top 200 drugs 
than any other company. It is estimated 
that those prescriptions account for 81 
percent of all prescriptions. Discussing a 
possible take-over bid by Americans, the 
chairman of Hoffman-LaRoche himself 
once admitted, “It would require a sum 
of money that could not be raised by very 
many institutions in the world, even in 
the U.S. General Motors might be able 
to manage it, but nobody else.” In short, 
Hoffman-LaRoche is a gold mine. Val- 
ium, in fact, is worth more than gold. 
It's over $1000 per troy ounce, while 
gold is a mere $185 ат present. 
rly, the drug business commands 
staggering profits and not just for Hoff- 
man-LaRoche. As a group, American 
drug con ge 18 percent profit 
on invested capital (despite substantial 
research costs). That is almost twice the 
profit of manufacturers in other fields. 

How do they do it? By promoting the 
pill culture and, particularly, by influ- 
encing physicians—and, to a lesser de- 
gree, pharmacists—to prescribe their 
products by brand name. The chemical 
compounds. themselves, prescribed һу 
genera, are cheap, ranging from six to as 
much as 35 times cheaper than their 
brand-name equivalents. They're not 
nearly as profitable, though most dru, 
manufacturers make and sell the generic 
compounds (some companies even make 
and label their competitors products). 
Indeed, as we've seen, many manufac- 
turers buy the chemicals from small mak- 
ers, slap their brand on them, jack up the 
price and send out the salesmen. 

There’s the rub: the promotion of 
drugs. U. S. drug companies spent an es- 
timated 1.3 billion dollars, almost 13 
percent of their sales, promoting their 
brands last year. They spent nine or ten 
percent on research, in a business that 
drug-company officials call “research in- 
tensive.” Put bluntly, their promotion is 


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PLAYBOY 


180 


wildly out of proportion to their 
business. 
"Their sales representatives, called de- 


tail men because they give the doctors 
details about drugs, number almost 
24,000. Most are well informed about 
their line, though their training period 
can be as short as two weeks. Most try to 
be fair about the details but, as one doc- 
tor put it, “In some cases the information 
is misleading. Even if it’s good, it’s 
weighted toward their product.” "Their 
y: physicians and 
pharmacists, those who control the pa- 
tients and whom, in turn, the drug com- 
panics would like to control, ог at least 
influence. There are about 350,000 doc- 
tors in the U. S. and the drug companies 
each year spend an average of $3500 per 
physician promoting the drugs, 70 per- 
cent through the detail men, the rest 
through such things as ads in profes 
sional journals. The companies bring a 
lot of pressure to bear and in promoting 
the drug culture, they run afoul of à 
vexing ethical paradox. Part of a doctor's 
responsibility is limiting his patient's 
drugs to those actually and sorely 
needed. But despite their good work in 
inventing the drug, and despite their 
basic commitment to he: lth, it is the 
drug comp: mandate—for business 
reasons—to pervert the doctor's respon- 
ility: to get him to push more pills. 
The means used to manipulate the 
physician and the pharmacist illustrate 
how, until recently, the big pushers 
leaned on cth issues, (Circa 1074, 
some of the following practices were 
somewhat curbed, due to the Senate in- 
vestigation of the drug industry by Gay- 
lord Nelson, the industrys longtime 
nemesis, and Edward Kennedy, whose in- 
terest in national health is well known.) 
"The manufacturers’ basic promotional 
device was unlimited sampling. A detail 
man (whose average visit in a doctor's 
office was then and is now five minutes) 
would breeze in, say what the drug was 
good for (sometimes neglecting the side 
clfecs) and drop a load of pills onto 
the physician's desk. An 
Senator Kennedy's staff estimated that 
three billion pills were sampled in 1974, 
or more than 8500 to every doctor in the 
country. Many were given to patients by 
the doctors, free of charge. A few physi- 
cians sold them to pharmacists, who, in 
turn, sold them again. Some doctors 
simply exchanged them for drugstore 
sundries such as tooth paste. In rare 
s, they even sold them to their pa- 
nts, However dispensed, the pills 
found their way to the public and, more 
importantly, to the physicians’ repertory 
of brand-name “drugs of choice” (mean- 
ing the best, meaning the most familiar). 
Some drug companies gave samples to 
nurses and receptionists, too, along with 
“reminder items” such as pens, pencils, 


targets of opportuni 


memo pads, perfume, 
"The pressure was clever 

Supermarketstyle promotions were in- 
vented, especially to take advant: 
fast breaking, opportunities in the drug 
game. Pfizer, Inc, once wanted to sock 


cians im advance of Governmental 
campaign to increase polio immuniza- 
tion, so it offered doctors premiums. 
They got books for ordering 100 doses, 
tape recorders for 250, calculators for 
500 and the biggie, an upright freezer, 
for 1000. Other companies offered doc- 
tors “points” Гог prescriptions, leading 
to watches, travel, sporting goods, lug- 
gage, tools—any prize the heart desired. 
This 1974 Pfizer exhortation to the de- 
tail men exemplifies the company's mar- 
keting mentality: "UP то YOUR EARS IN 
В.Р, SALES, wow! What a fantastic start! 
In the first full month of implementa- 
tion, the dynamic Pfizer. Labs field force 
turned in a spectacular 2230 R.D.P. [Re- 
tailer Dividends Program] deals totaling 
$675,000!" The detail men kept coming, 
as they still do, and the process recycled. 
The companies offered “symposia” (in 
actuality, expense-paid public-relations 
fiestas) to promote their products under 
the guise of learned gatherings. 

Many doctors were already accustomed 
to this. As medical students, they had 
been offered tours of Eli Lilly and other 
companies. They were also given medical 
bags, stethoscopes, percussion hammers, 
plenty of expensive equipment and lots 
of leaflets. Companies would also provide 
handy preprinted prescription pads for 
the doctors, their brands neatly specified, 
all ready for the doctors’ signatures. To 
check on how the massive promotion 
campaign was working, the det: 
prevailed on friendly pharmacists to 
open their prescription records, violat- 
ing the patients’ right to confidentiality. 
With a “scrip survey,” the detail men 
would check brands that doctors were 
prescribing, Then they could encourage 
or discourage their habits. For this help, 
the pharmacists got more 

Advertising reinforced the fundamen- 
tal detail-man marketing approach. To 
help make а brand a household word 
in the doctors office, the companies 
ran, and to this day run, hard-sell ads 
that, in the words of one pharmacologist, 
imply and insinuate as much as possible 
about how this drug is superior, a cure- 
all, and still get away with it under 
the FDA." During the Sixties, for 
example, Roche spent an estimated 
$200,000,000 pushing Librium and Val- 
ium. Some ads showed tense college stu- 
dents, harried housewives and tired 
bu instead of the genuinely 
neurotic patients for whom the tran- 
quilizers had been developed. As John 


nessmen, 


Pekkanen's book The American Connec- 
lion puts it, “The whole campaign of 
the drug industry for mood drugs in 
the Sixties was to broaden to absurd 
limits the definition of illness to in- 
clude every upset, every disappointment 
and every vague problem encountered in 
normal day-to-day living. 

Current Valium ads feature the slogan 
“For the response you know, want and 
trust,” adding, “A response which brings 
a calmer frame of mind." A current 
Pfizer ad for Sinequan, a powerful mood- 
altering drug used for depression, shows 
a housewife's hand cleaning a hazed-over 
window with a rag, revcaling a bcautiful 
sunrise over a Јаке punctuated by a 
forested island and mountainous terrain 
in the background. The dramatic head- 
line reads: "CLEARING OF DEPRESSION." 
How is the doctor to interpret this? The 
ad doesn't exactly though it gives all 
the information required by law (if the 
physician has the time to read the fine 
print). Our interpretation would be that 
Pfizer is saying that perhaps more house- 
wives than you think need Sinequan. 
That perhaps Pfizer has overstated its 
case, In short, the companies’ samples, 
ads and other marketing methods are 
tended to create а drug-dependent soci- 
ety, and one dependent on brands. 

It has worked. Last year, 90 percent 
of all prescriptions were given by brand 
name rather than by genus. Dr. Ralph 
Kaullman, a former FDA pharmacologist, 
now at the Univer 1 
Center, expressed “The pro- 
motion system encoui doctors to 
overprescribe certain brands. If all of 
them had [followed the detail man's 
lead], then we'd really have had gross 
overprescribing. Consumers just expec 
pill for every symptom in this culture. 

The culture has shown some strange 
symptoms, indeed, from the pill pushing, 
as a few examples show: 

+ Premarin, a hormonal compound 
from Ayerst was designed to allevi- 
ate menopausal suffering. In a single 
year, it was prescribed more often than 
there were menopausal women in the 
nation, often with irksome side effects 
such as vaginal bleeding and odd h 
growth. (Note: Some of those prescrip- 
tions may be accounted for by the drug's 
use in postmenopausal and/or posthys- 
tereciomy women, for whom the drug 
suppresses some ill effects.) 

+ Darvon, ЕН Lilly's questionable 
inkiller, addicts thousands. This syn- 
прег-опе 


eet opiate is now the 

overdose killer in Oregon. 
+ Talwin, а potent synthetic narcotic 
from Winthrop Laboratories, has such 
gescale street use that a Midwest 
psychiatric institute estimates as many 
as 24 percent of heroin addicts also use 
(continued on page 226) 


Europe is winning the cold war, as the latest styles attest: bulky coats and burly sweaters worn over tiny-collored shirts and skinny ties. 


europe: The outer limits 


attire by david platt 


ah, those avant-garde continental designers 


designers seems to be suggesting that loose living is the 

mode for the winter months to come. The look is big, burly 
coats over outerwear jackets over bulky cowl-neck sweaters. In 
other words, the layered look again but beefed up—really 
beefed up—with contrasting fabrics and textures and dark, 
murky colors. Truly defensive dressing that will allow the 
adventurous wearer to bivouac comfortably in the stormicst 
of urban wildernesscs. (It's evident that Europeans are going 
to be ready for more frigid blasts this winter.) Underneath the 


[` THE SPIRIT of last summer, the New Wave of European 


what won't they think of next? 


outercoats and sweaters are shirts with tiny Buster Brown 
collars and ties that are thinner than a hobo's shoe leather. 
he over-all effect is not exactly what the well-dressed account 
executive would wear to the office. At least not this year. Yet 
there are elements of it that might work for you. These days. 
ance and Italy seem to be arguing over who has the last 
word in fashion, and judging from the kind of extremism t 
their argument appears to be generating, who knows where 
it will end? Maybe in Blighty; the more understated young 
British talents are quietly gaining more strength and prestige. 


ILLUSTRATION BY MARTIN HOFFMAN. 


181 


PLAYBOY 


GOLDEN GREEK 


(continued from page 118) 


“Like the Watergate burglars, the Maheu team was 
no ordinary band of fly-by-night gumshoes.” 


1946, Gerrity went on to work for various 
magazines, selling articles at home and 
abroad to such publications as Reader's 
Digest and Ероса, Italy's version of 
Life. Writing, however, soon became an 
on-and-off thing. Gerrity's brother-in-law, 
then head of the FBI's Washington 
ofhce, introduced him to Maheu, an 
occurrence that was to plunge Gerrity 
into the Byzantine intrigues of Niarchos, 
the CIA and Howard Hughes. Gerrity 
was never an employee of Maheu's in 
any conventional sense but was, like 
many of Maheu's associates, a contract 
operative available for assignments that 
suited his talents. Today Gerrity is the 
senior Washington correspondent for 
the Daily Bond Buyer and The Money 
Manager, a financial paper that keeps 
tabs on world money markets, and he 
is able to look back on his anti-Onassis 
grand tour of Europe with cynicism and 
humor. 

Gerritys first stop on that tour was 
London, where he broke details of the 
previously secret Jidda Agreement in 11 
commercial newspapers serving the ship- 
ping industry. With the agreement made 
public, oil-company spokesmen were able 
to pick up the torch and blast the Onas- 
Sis-Saudi contract in apocalyptic terms 
that suggested it amounted to a death 
knell for free enterprise. 

Typical were the remarks of Mobil 
(then Socony-Vacuum) president B. 
Brewster Jennings, when he told the 
Los Angeles World Affairs Council that 
the agreement “has extraordinarily far- 
reaching dangers.” Furthermore, Jen- 
nings predicted, "if all [oil-producing] 
countries were to follow the Onassis 
plan, there would be no international 
trade at all.” 

In New York, meanwhile, the xeno- 
phobic Daily News damaged Onassis’ 
reputation by publishing a secret letter 
written in the early Forties by J. Edgar 
Hoover. In the letter—leaked to the 
newspaper by an unknown Government 
source—Hoover branded Onassis (an Ar- 
gentine citizen) as being “anti-American” 
and accused him of having expressed 
“sentiments inimical to the United 
States’ war effort.” (It was a nasty charge 
to make at the height of the Cold War 
and probably unjustified: A few years 
ier, at the outbreak of the Korean 
ar, Onassis had placed himself and his 
entire fleet at the disposal of the Secre- 
tary of the Navy.) 

Nonetheless, the accusation was a con- 


182 venient one for the anti-Onassis forces. 


After breaking details of the Jidda 
Agreement in London, Gerrity’s one- 
man band moved on to Rome, picked up. 
some active CIA assistance and became 
a small orchestra. 

"Rome's a great place to plant stories,” 
Gerrity says. “All you have to do is put 
something in L'Osservatore Romano, the 
Vatican paper, and every paper in Italy 
will pick it up; from there it goes 
everywhere.” 

How did he plant his stories? “Christ, 
it was a straight buy-out. Those guys over 
there were starving, and I could buy 
space by the page—like an advertiser, 
except that I was buying editorial space. 
Then I picked up а guy to help me, an 
Italian Jew who wrote a lot of stuff— 
and, believe me, while I may have been 
a hack, this guy was a hack! If you paid 
him $50, this guy would write ‘Shit is 
blue’ 1000 times.” 

What was the nature of his planted 
stories? “It was the end of the world; 
we blew everything out of proportion,” 
Gerrity recalls. “Oil to Murmansk! Oil 
to Murmansk! That the big theme: 
that this disloyal son of a bitch, Onassis, 
was going to ship our Arabian oil to the 
Russians, In the middle of the oil crisis, 
no less!” 

Supplementing Gerrity's anti-Onassis 
effort in Rome were two CIA officers 
assigned to do his bidding and cover his 
back. The agency had given Gerrity a 
stratospheric “Q clearance” and conse- 
quently, he says, “I wasn't a CIA agent— 
the CIA was my agent." 

“But, really,” Gerrity continues, “these 
two CIA guys working for me—Donahue 
and Dimaggio—were quite a рай: 
trench coats, white-flannel pants, slouch 
hats, the whole bit. They'd call me at my 
hotel at six A.M. and say they wanted a 
meeting. Well, the only place I'm going 
at six A.M. is back to sleep. But whenever 
we met, they'd pick the most conspicuous 
place. I had a room at the Excelsior 
Hotel in Rome, but the agency boys 
refused to be seen there; said it was too 
obvious. Instead, they insisted we con- 
vene in the bar of a hotel whose con- 
cierge just happened to give more lire to 
the dollar than any other exchange in 
town. So the hotel was famous and every 
American in the city came tromping 
through its bar at one time or another. 
No place could have been less covert.” 

. 

With the CIA assisting Gerrity's prop- 
aganda efforts in Rome, Maheu was able 
to enlist the aid of Republican wheeler- 


dealers, oil-company paymasters and 10- 
cal police and telephone officials with 
5 to the FBI in carrying out his 
black ас! ies in the U. S. Chief among 
those activities were surveillance of Onas- 
sis’ top executives and a wire tap on the 
tycoon's office telephones, a tap that a 
subsequent FBI investigation intimated 
was highly illegal. 

Illegality, however, was of no appar- 
ent concern to Maheu. After all, this 
Onassis business had begun with a meet- 
ing with the Vice-President of the United 
States in his Capitol Hill office, and then 
Gerrity had flown off to Europe with a 
CIA Q clearance in his pocket and CIA 
officers at his beck and call. Like the 
Watergate burglars nearly 20 years later, 
the Maheu team was no ordinary band 
of flyby-night gumshoes—it was a pol- 
ished strike force of ex-Government op- 
eratives, trained at public expense, who 
were now operating with the sanction 
of top Federal officials against a target 
whom those officials perceived as a threat 
to their special interests. Aristotle Onas- 
sis, meet Larry O'Brien. 

The plan to tap the phones in Onas- 
New York headquarters was set in 
motion by Tylors mysterious call to 
the Maheu offices and the subsequent 
arrival of the envelope containing Onas- 
sis’ photo and dossier. Having received 
the go-ahead and the background data, 
Maheu dispatched operative Big Lou 
Russell to New York with the names of 
three contacts who might be able to 
arrange the tap. The first two proved 
unsuccessful, however, while the third 
turned out to be an overachiever: He 
showed Russell how the Onassis lines 
could be tapped by hooking into a West- 
ern Union cable, providing access to so 
many lines that if the operation had ever 
been exposed, it would have created a 
national scan Russell returned to 
Washington, shaking his head. 

The next man believed to have had a 
БО at the tap was Маһси agent John J. 
“Handsome Johnny” Frank, a rogue CIA 
officer who had close ties to the New 
York Police Departments elite Red 
Squad and other elements of the New 
York intelligence nether world. Frank is 
credited by fellow Maheu operatives with 
having arranged the actual installation 
of the Onassis tap. He is said to have 
done this by persuading a New York pri- 
vate detective to prevail upon his con- 
tacts with the telephone company— 
which was accustomed to cooperating 
with the Red Squad and the FBI on “na- 
tional security” matters—to tap into two 
of Onassis’ five ofüce lines through its 
central switchboard, 

The monitoring and taping of tapped 
conversations were to be done in a set 
of empty offices leased by Maheu in the 
name of the Schenck and Schenck Insur- 
ance Company on East 62nd Street in 


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Manhattan. Use of the offices had been 
secured by Maheu through his friendship 
with Robert Judge, a prominent New 
York financier, and William Price, a 
Schenck executive. 

Installation of the clectronic eaves- 
dropping equipment was accomplished 
late one summer night in 1954, when 
Maheu operative Bill Staten, a former 
FBI agent who today is a vice-president 
of Westinghouse Corporation, met three 
men outside a drugstore on East 62nd 
Street; the men, all of them clean-cut 
and in their 30s, introduced themselves 
fo Staten as follow: 
‘William Remson. 
William Remson.’ 

“Bill Remson. 

Staten admitted the “Remson broth- 
ers” to the nearby Schenck offices and 
watched as they unloaded th 
ment from attaché cases. “They asked me 
to go out for sandwiches and Q-Tips; 
Staten recalls. “I couldn't figure out what 
the hell they intended to do with tips 
for pool cues, but then they explained.” 
(Q-Tips are cotton-tipped swabs some- 
times used with alcohol to clean the mag- 
netic heads of tape recorders.) 

That was the last time that Staten saw 
the mysterious Remsons. “After the first 
time, Í never saw anyone in the Schenck 
ollices,” says Staten, whose job it was to 
open and close the offices each day, tak- 
ing a package of tapes with him in the 
evening. “There were three rooms and, 
whenever I showed up at night, the pack- 
age would be waiting for me on a desk. 
T'd pick it up and leave.” 

The rest of Staten’s time was spent— 
together with fellow Maheu operatives 
Bill Seerey and John Murphy—in shad- 
owing the office manager of Onassis’ New 
York headquarters. “He'd go to the office 
carly and, a few hours later, Pd ‘take 
him to lunch, " Staten recalls. “Then 
back to the office until nightfall, then 
home to his apartment. He never went 
anywhere interesting." 

At the end of its working day, the 
Maheu team would r its New 

National Re- 

swank retreat in mid- 
n where Maheu had obtained 
ite of rooms through his friend Rob- 
ert Judge. There, Taggart would “edit 

the day's Onassis tapes, while Staten, 
Frank, Seerey, Murphy and other opera- 
tives would write up reports for ^ 

and discuss the next day's act 
The tap in New York was not the only 

опе placed against the shipping magnate, 
former Maheu agents believe, contend- 

ing that the Greck was covered in Lon- 
don and Paris as well. Charles Lyons, 
described as the FBI's leading “wireman” 
during the early Fifties, was sent to Lon- 
don by Maheu for the duration of the 

184 Onassis operation. According to Gerrity, 


PLAYBOY 


Lyons was working for both the FBI 
and Maheu during this time. 

“It didn't matter, though,” says Ger- 
rity. “That was the whole significance 
of persuading the Government that the 
Jidda contract was dangerous: It meant 
that, in the end, Uncle Sam picked up 
the tab.” 


. 

The pressure against On: 
mounting to stellar intensity throughout 
1954. Assistant Attorney Gencral Burg- 
orders for the Government to seize 
sis’ ships, begun in 1953, continued 
into the new year. Next, Onassis found. 
acts for 


that he could not get new co 
his unseized ships, due to a concerted 
oilcompany boycott of his tankers. Most 
fected were the new supertankers 


sorely 
that Onassis had commis: 
built in German yard: 

One of those, the King Saud 1, was the 
largest tanker in existence, and yet none 
of the multinationals would put a sin- 
gle barrel of oil into its hold. Idled by 
the boycott, the supertanker—christened 
in June 1954 with holy water from Mec- 
cas Zemzem well—was costing On: 
$10,000 per day for mainten: 
harbor fees at Hamburg. 

The Burger indictment, wire taps 
veillances and boycotts were only a few 
of the tycoon's problems, however. Yet 
nother front was about to open. In May 
1954, the Greek had come under attack. 
from an occasional associate named Spyr- 
оп Catapodis, a stocky bon vivant who 
made a profession of brokering deals in 
the backwaters of the eastern Mediter- 
ranean. In a bizarre scene at the Nice 
Airport, Catapodis had confronted Onas- 
sis with curses, spit in his face and then 
proceeded to strangle him. While passers- 
by gasped and Ari O sank to his knees 
with the color draining from his face, 
Cata is issued the ultimate insult to a 
Turk. News of 
the episode scandalized the Riviera. 

The details ot podis’ complaint 
ined а speculative matter until No- 
vember of th when he filed suit 
in Paris assis. The charges 
were sen: : He said that he had 
signed а contract with Onassis that 
acknowledged his help in securing the 
Jidda Agreement and that promised a 
hefty commission, but that the diabolical 
Onassis had signed the contract with 
disappearing ink! When he had con- 
fronted О: ter of the 
vanished signature, C continued, 
tbe wily tycoon had ca 
original cont ng sig 
nature—into his jacket pocket and never 
returned Then, after wa 
months for a new contract, 


ned to be 


act—with its 


Catapodis 
said, he had finally realized that he had 


been tricked and, in a fury, had assaulted. 
Onassis at the airport. 


While the charges were preposterous 


on their face, they made good copy and 
newspapers in Europe and the U.S re- 
ported the suit with great solemnity. 
The New York Times, for instance, car- 
ried Catapodis' charges in a lengthy page- 
one story under the headline: 
ACCUSED OF DEFRAUDING HIS AGENT ON 
ARABIAN OIL SIGNATURE IN DISAF- 
PEARING PARIS LAWSUIT. 
OPERATOR DENIES CHARGE: 
Not surprisingly, the public chose to 
believe Catapodis’ contention that the 
fabulous Onassis was capable of such low 
deeds. For his part, Onassis branded the 
story a lie and wondered aloud about 
the gullibiliry of the public: “What do 
they think I do,” he asked, “go around 
with disappearing ink in my pen?” 
Indeed they did, and Onassis’ rebuttal 
ufficienuy sharp to permit Catapodis 
to open yet another front: While already 
suing Onassis in Paris for alleged breach 
of contract, Catapodis next retained Ed- 
ward Bennett Williams, a Maheu client 
and friend of long standing, to file s 


DEAL. 


ion of character. 

No matter what Onassis did, the roof 
me tumbling down. In addition to 
labeling Onassis a crook, Catapodis' suit 
alluded to the role of another middle- 
man in the Jidda Agreement, a sinister 
figure whose association with Onassis 
could hardly help the Greek's reputa- 
tion. That man was Hjalmar Horace 
Greeley Schacht, a tall, aristocratic Ger- 
man who had been Reich currency com- 
missioner in the Twenties and, having 
become avowed Nazi, an architect of 
German rearmament in the Thirties. 

During World War Two, Schacht 
played a smoky role behind the scenes, 
devising the economic master plan that 
would guide Germany in its dreamed-of 
reconstruction of a Naziruled Europe. 
And yet, in the waning days of the Third 
Reich, Schacht left Germany for Zurich, 
apparently to press his plan for а peace 
that would be favorable to Germany. His 
ambiguous role toward the war's end per- 
mitted him, critics charged, "to brush 
the swastikas from his sleeves” 
emerge in the postwar world м 
considerable personal wealth and bank- 
ing powers intact. 

Onassis and Schacht made a powerful 
team: One controlled huge fleets of tank. 
ers, the other held the keys to the wealth 
of Germany. Yet Schacht's name carried 
with it a sinister cachet. Once Schacht's 
role in negotiating the Jidda Agreement 
was disclosed, and confirmed by Onassis, 
the European press began to editorialize 
that the agreement was central to an 
international conspiracy designed to 
wrest control of Arabian crude from 
American hands=that, once the agree- 
ment was implemented, the Arabs would 
nationalize Aramco’s holdings, replace 
(continued on page 214) 


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TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR 


MAN 
& 
WOMAN 


BIG BREASTS: BOON OR BANE? 


"It may sound odd, but some women have a kind of ra- 
dar attached to their breasts,” a Playmate confessed re- 
cently. “We can tell if someone's looking at them, even 
if he's trying to be discreet.” 

The message is that many lavishly endowed ladies are 
painfully self-conscious about their assets. Being busty, 
it seems, sometimes makes them feel like a side-show 
specimen, and it hardly helps matters when the bulging- 
cycball boys confirm that what men find most intcresting 
about them is the very thing they like least about them- 
selves. 

Such distressed women should find some comfort, how- 
ever, in the findings of Anthony Pietropinto and Jac- 
queline Simenauer. The attitudes of the American male 
toward breasts have been changing, they report in their 
book Beyond the Male Myth. Young men just don't seem 
to be as mammary mad as their fathers. The authors 
found that the bosom was the main source of pleasure 
during foreplay for 27 percent of men over 40. That 
dropped to 21 percent for men between 30 and 39 and 
fell to a scant 18 percent for the under-30 crowd. 

“With our more liberal attitudes toward sex," the 
authors conclude, “we arc seeing a shift in attention from 
the breasts to the genital area in foreplay. Now thar the 
vaginal arca is no longer considered taboo, we can expect 
to find fewer men obsessively preoccupied with legs, but- 
tocks—yes, even breasts—and more interested in whole 
women." 

We applaud the trend, but honesty impels us to 
acknowledge that many among us—even in the enlight. 
ened under-30 category—just can't help going gaga when 
faced with a splendiferous set. What to do? Take your cue 
from the way the woman dresses. If it's clear she has gone 
out of her way to de-emphasize her size, follow suit and 
keep her hooters out of the conversation. 

On the other hand, if the lady has put together a cups- 
runneth-over look that all but physically yanks your gaze 
into her cleavage, odds are that some appreciative 
acknowledgment of her blessings will be welcome. Still, 
at least in public, it's sound strategy to keep your expres. 
sions of delight on the refined side. A slobbering request 
to “maul the melons” or remarks like, “Jesus, Louise, put 
those guys away before somebody gets hurt!" arc guaran- 
teed to put off even the most relaxed wonder woman, 

In the bedroom, though, no holds should be barred. 
Women love to feel appreciated and, according to Pictro- 
pinto and Simenauer, many women complain that their 


partners don’t devote as much time to caressing, sucking 
or licking their breasts as they would like. 


GETTING THROUGH A BREAKUP 


You've just broken up with your longtime lady. You 
had grown accustomed not only to her face but also to 
her help in organizing your life. Living à deux meant 
not worrying about what to do with your free time, and 
suddenly all your time is free and the only thing you 
really want to do is curl up and go to sleep for a year. 
Breaking up is hard to do. 

Fortunately, there's help available, in the form of the 
book Leavelaking: When and How to Say Goodbye, 
published by Simon & Schuster. Authors John Tarrant, 
Gloria Feinberg and Mortimer Feinberg have put to- 
gether a compendium of sound advice. 

The first order of business, they suggest, is admitting 
to yourself that it’s really kaput. Unless you're a born 
masochist, that isn’t going to be pleasant, but it’s an 
important part of the healing process. Experience it ful- 
ly. Your upper lip is the last part of your anatomy to 
worry about keeping stiff. If you feel like it, indulge 
yourself in long, lonely walks, close the local pub a cou- 
ple of nights running, have Sam play it again . . . and 
again. 

Your best bet is to stick to routine activities for a while 
and hold off on the heavy commitments and giant leaps 
for mankind until things look brighter. In other words, 
the week of the ultimate adios is hardly the optimum 
moment for bursting out of the market-research game 
and onto the punk-rock scene. Nor is it prime time for 
setting up housekeeping with that lonely schoolteacher 
in 3B who's always after you to come down for a drink. 

Be prepared for flashbacks and relapses. It's inevitable 
that one fine day, when you think it's all behind you, a 
glimpse of hair or a whiff of perfume will send you into 
a nostalgia nose dive. If you can roll with the replay, 
you'll come out stronger. 

What about getting back into the social swim? It will 
probably scem that women are like cops—when you real- 
ly need one, they're never around. Don't rush it. The 
best way to handle new relationships is to sample and 
keep your options open. Cultivate women as friends. A 
man blatantly on the make can be obnoxious and a man 
blatantly on the rebound is working with a compound 
liability. Women friends will understand your situation 
in a way that you probably can't, and they can also be 
your best resource in helping you find other women who 

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TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR 


TRUSTING 
YOUR 
MISTRESS 


kiss in the dark may be quite continental, but an 
A irrevocable trust is a girls best friend. From a 

man's point of view, however, a revocable trust 
may be better. The message of these words—some of 
which are taken from song and some from logic—is that 
a man who would like to provide for his mistress after his 
death can best do so by establishing a trust during his 
lifetime and naming her the beneficiary. In that way, the 
gift is just another little secret between the two of them. 


REVOCABLE AND IRREVOCABLE TRUSTS 


A trust is a legal arrangement through which money or 
other assets are set aside for a designated person. called 
a beneficiary—and managed by a trustee in the benefi- 
ciary's best interests. When the trust is revocable, it can 
be altered, amended or canceled at any time by the per- 
son, called a grantor, who created it. An irrevocable trust, 
obviously, is one that cannot be changed. 

The major reason for establishing a trust during the 
grantor's lifetime is that a trust is a private document and 
is not filed in any public place. In contrast, a will must be 
presented to a court for probate and therefore becomes 
available to any persons who wish to examine it. Accord- 
ingly, a man who does not want his wife and family to be 
aware of his extrafamilial relationship, even after his 
death, should handle his financial arrangements for a 
mistress by means of a "living" trust. 

Once a man has decided to create a trust for his mis- 
tress, the major question is whether to make it revocable 
or irrevocable, Since the man, as the grantor, usually has 
the upper hand, the tendency in most instances is to make 
it revocable, thus giving him the invaluable option of 
changing or abolishing it. And the stories that lawyers 
tell among themselves about these trusts are legion. 

Take the case of the girl who had a Jiaison with a Mid- 
western auto dealer. He lavished her with the best things 
that money could buy—furs, jewels, little getaway junkets 
to Mexico, a very expensive car lent to her right off the 
showroom floor and a revocable trust. The girl, however, 
was the type who also liked to have a little action going 
on the side and one day she lent the car to another boy- 
friend. Sure enough, the dealer spotted his young rival 
driving (ће car in town and realized immediately that his 
mistress was not always waiting at home for his phone 
calls. He revoked the trust, took back the car and left his 
friend, sadder, wiser and a hell of a lot poorer. 

Revocability and irrevocability also affect the Federal 
taxes that must be paid in connection with the trust, 
With a revocable trust, the man pays an income tax based 


on its annual income and is not charged a gift tax. But 
with an irrevocable trust, he pays a gift tax for the year 
during which it is created if the trust amount exceeds 
$134,000 (it'll be $175,625 in 1981). The one exception is 
that if the income is paid out to the beneficiary, she pays 
the tax herself. 

Trusts for a mistress, like any trusts, can be set up in 
many forms. For example, the income from a trust can go 
to the beneficiary either during the grantor's lifetime or 
after his death. The document can also state that the 
beneficiary is to receive the entire principal upon the 
death of the grantor or only the annual income derived 
from the trust's investments. 

A key consideration in maintaining the secrecy of the 
arrangement is that the wife not be named as an executor. 
"That's because the existence of the trust has to be dis- 
closed in the decedent's estate-tax return and the return 
has to be signed by the executors. Perhaps the most suit- 
able person to be selected as executor—and trustee also, 
for that matter—when there is a trust for a mistress is the 
man's lawyer. 

A lawyer can usually be relied upon to preserve his 
client's confidences as a practical matter, even though the 
technical rule that their communications are legally con- 
fidential does not apply to the lawyer in his role as trustee. 
Furthermore, a lawyer should prepare the document and 
advise the man on his strategy and tactics. 


THE LITTLE WOMAN'S RIGHTS 


"There is always the possibility, of course, that a wife 
who learns about a revocable trust for a mistress might 
attack it in a court action as a fraud upon her rights, on 
the grounds that she had not received the proper interest 
in her husband's estate as provided under state law. But 
since her husband's will usually would have bequeathed 
to her the maximum marital-deduction amount, equaling 
one half of his entire estate and passing tax-free under 
Federal law, it would be unlikely that any more would be 
due to her as a matter of right. 

One professional man thought he had taken care of 
everything when he established a revocable trust for his 
mistress that would give her its annual income during his 
lifetime, as well as after his death. But he forgot 
income from the trust appeared on his annual j 
income-tax return and that his wife also signed this 
joint form. The wife finally noticed the item after many 
years of not paying attention, started asking questions 
and now has her own irrevocable trust from a loving and 
devoted husband. —LEONARD SLOANE 


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TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR 


TIPS ON 
BUYING A 
TURNTABLE 


hatever its format, a turntable-and-arm assembly 
has two main jobs. One is to rotate the record; 
the other is to permit the pickup cartridge to 


track that record, Like all things in audio, however, 
stating it that simply is just too simple. 


THE SOUND OF SILENCE 


platter and is transmitted throughout the system. Rum- 
ble distorts the sound and, severe, can overload the 
whole works. 

If you don't hear this noise, even when playing soft 
musical passages through a powerful wide-range system, 
chances are the turntable's rumble level is low enough 
not to worry about. As for performance specifications 
that appear in product literature, the most meaningful 
are those based on the "audible rumble loudness level” 
(ARLL) standard promulgated years ago by GBS Tech- 
nology Center and widely used today. The numbers are 
negative decibels, and the more negative they are, the 
better. For example, a rumble of —60 db (or minus more, 
such as —61 db) denotes a really quiet turntable. А rum- 
ble of —55 db is not se good, but it will pass muster in 
many systems. Figures of —50 db and up denote less quiet 
turntables, which may be suitable in a soso system used, 
say, for background music in a noisy bistro but which 
would sound objectionable in a quality stereo rig played 
in a quiet room. 

There are two general kinds of uneven rotation, fast 
and slow (flutter and wow, respectively. When pro- 
nounced, either is objectionable, since it causes musical 
pitch to waver. One way to test for them is to play music 
with long sustained toncs—solo piano, for example. If 
you read the specifications, typically good figures here arc 
0.3 percent or less. The lower the numbers, the better 


HOLDING THE SPEED LIMIT 


Turntable speed should be accurate to within a few 
tenths of a percent. Actually, the better turntables have 
a finespeed adjustment and strobe marking that let you 
zero in on speed accuracy or vary it deliberately to con- 
form to your own idea of musical pitch (especially useful 
for play-along or sing-along buffs). 

Beyond these audible hints, there is little one can dis- 
cern in performance and long-term reliability. How the 
machine does its thing (belt drive or direct driye, for 
instance) can be fascinating for the technical-minded, but 
it is far less important than how well it performs 


THE TONEARM 


As for tonearms, you can—as a rule—rely on the manu- 
facturer's good sense in providing an arm that mates well 
with a given model of turntable. The only hitch is that 
оп an automatic, and especially а stack-and-play changer. 
the arm has more work to do than on a manual; it is the 
movement of the arm that triggers the automation. This 
could give rise to problems if not carefully designed. 

Ideally, the arm produces no sound—it's the cartridge 
at one end that does that. Obvious signs of spurious arm 
sounds would be squeaks or clunks as it moves. More sub- 
tle is the arm's own resonance, which—by itself or 
combined with the turntable rumble—can cause bass 
overload or distortion. Some arms become so resonant 
that, in trying to track a heavy musical passage, they are 
bounced out of the record groove 

Arm tests in the lab are a headache, because they are 
both difficult and inconclusive. It has been said that you 
can judge an arm by its “feel,” somewhat as an exper 
enced driver judges the handling of а car. It's almost 
impossible to verbalize how an arm should feel, but when 
in playing position and all restraints off, the arm should 
swing casily and freely in both lateral and vertical planes. 

Whatever the type you choose, the arm must be capable 
of being balanced (with a cartridge fitted) and then 
slightly unbalanced to exert a prescribed amount of 
downward thrust, so that the cartridge can engage the 
record groove. The correct term, by the way, is not pres- 
sure but vertical tracking force (УТЕ). It is measured in 
grams. All else being cqual, an arm that can handle a 
cartridge at its lower recommended УТЕ is preferred. 

Among features, the fine-spced adjustment mentioned 
above is a handy thing. So is a gently acting cuing device. 
As for tonearm balance, the preferred system is an 
adjustable counterweight. Springs are OK, but not as 
ultimately reliable. Antiskating adjustments are almost 
universal; notable exceptions are the AR tonearm (AR 
t doesn't believe in anriskating) and the Rabco arm 
(since it doesn’t pivot, it has no need for antiskating). 

An adjustment [or stylus overhang—an aid in accurate 
tracking—is worth while. If provided, it should come 
with a gauge to help make the adjustment. An adjust- 
ment for stylus vertical angle is virtually useless. 

A final Any turntable should be installed so that 
it is level and immune to external shock effects. If you 
are not handy at fashioning your own mounting cutout, 
the best thing to do is buy the wooden base offered by 
the turntable manufacturer, This base makes it easy to 
install the turntable correctly. — NORMAN EISENBERG 


tg 
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THE MAGNIFICENT MARGARITA: 
IT BRINGS YOU IMAGES OF 
CACTUS FLOWERS, AZTEC RUINS... 
AND THE THRUST OF THE MATADOR. 


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Hat 


TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR 


HOW TO DEAL 


WITH 


CREDIT CARDS 


he first thing you should know about credit cards 
Г! is that some of them don't provide credit. The 

second thing you should know is that the interest 
rate extracted by the oncs that do extend credit is about 
equal to what you'd have to pay on a Mafia loan. And non- 
payment can be very hazardous to your financial health. 


PRESTIGE PLASTIC 


To address the first point, cards such as American Ex- 
press, Diners Club and Carte Blanche came along after 
World War Two and were designed as an accounting 
device to provide accurate tax records for corporate ex- 
ecutives. These travel-and-entertainment, or T & E, cards 
make their money by charging an annual fee, usually $20, 
for their use and require that you pay in full when you 
are billed. Since they are not designed to finance install- 
ment purchases, they don't have routine service or in- 
terest charges, so the companies are very particular about 
who can carry one of their cards. If you don't pay your 
bill, they generally let you off with a warning for at least. 
90 days, though Diners Club adds a one percent fee. 

"There's a 50 percent acceptance rate for new card ap- 
plications by American Express and 25 percent for 
Diners Club. American Express is typical in requiring 
a $12,500-per-year income, three years in the same profes- 
sion, plus a good credit rating. While these are just 
guidelines and not ironclad rules, if you don't measure 
up to them, you should have other proof of solvency. 

The biggest material advantages of T&E cards are 
that there is no limit to what you can charge and that 
they are accepted in many of the finest shops, hotels and 
restaurants around the world. Diners Club and American 
Express both claim about 350,000 outlets, with the for- 
mer being particularly strong in Latin America. But 
American Express numbers 9,000,000 cardholders to 
Diners Club's 3,000,000. Carte Blanche's share of the 
market has sunk to about one percent. 

Beyond this, T & E cards have a definite edge over 
Visa and Master Charge in snob appeal. 


BANKING ON IT 


But the travel-and-entertainment cards are dwarfed in 
the number of cardholders and service outlets by Master 
Charge and Visa (formerly BankAmericard). These two 
giants are fighting an all-out battle for new business, 
with Master Charge being strongly challenged by Visa. 
Both have upwards of 40,000,000 cardholders in the Unit- 
ed States and both are accepted at over 2,000,000 places 
around the world. They are distributed without charge 


by banks that profit from interest charges on unpaid 
accounts. Since these finance charges are typically 18 per- 
cent a year, banks do their best to encourage cardholders 
to pay on the installment plan. Also, bank cards impose 
limits, ranging from about $500 to 52500, on how much 
you can charge. The secret of using bank cards wisely 
is to pay your bill in full every month. If you can't do 
this, you can use your card to take a cash advance for 
the amount you've charged and pay your bill with that 
money. In some states, these advances are billed at only 
12 percent a year, which is still no bargain. 

The advantages of Visa and Master Charge lie in the 
sheer number and variety of outlets that accept the cards, 
from obstetricians to undertakers and everything in be- 
tween, including shrinks and massage-parlor_ hostesses. 
Visa has been making strong gains overseas by linking 
its card to other systems and travelers report a much 
higher profile for that card across the Continent. 


BUYERS, BEWARE 


No matter which card you use, keep your eye on it 
when paying in a store, It has been known for a shop- 
keeper to validate a few extra sales slips with your card 
and enjoy a shopping spree in your name. If a slip is 
Written incorrectly, make sure you see it destroyed. Also, 
don't overlook the advantage of paying with cash or trav- 
eler's checks, especially overseas. Merchants are often less 
than enthusiastic about accepting credit cards, since they 
lose five to ten percent on each transaction when card- 
company fees and accounting expenses are added up. An 
olfer to pay cash can give you some price leverage, espe- 
cially in smaller shops or markets where bargaining is 
ihe rule. As for travelers checks, they often bring a 
higher forcign exchange rate than either the long green 
or the thin plastic. 

Many experts in the credit-card business recommend 
carrying one bank card and one T &E card. Too many 
cards make record-keeping a problem and replacement 
a hassle. (Your liability on a lost card, incidentally, stops 
immediately when you notify the company or at $50, 
whichever comes first.) 

But if you're fed up with the whole charge system, 
heres the answer: A Minneapolis company is offering 
the Nothing Card, a dead ringer for the compctition, 
except that а Nothing Card has a picture of Millard 
Fillmore (our most do-nothing President) on its face and 
the legend THIS CARD 25 GOOD FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING 
emblazoned just below for all to see. At least the 
interest charges are reasonable. —tom rassavawr ED 


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Choose 
Bourbon+lavoretd 
Borkum Riff == 
and you've got a 
rewarding, ~ 
flavorful smoke 
with no bite. 


BORKUM 
RIFF* 


| 

"i ¿` 

and enjoy a spar- 
kling light smoke. 


BORKU 
RIFF 


©1978 US Tobacco Company 


Try new. 
"[BorkumRitt ~ 5. 

Black Cavendish: 

ard at Yours 


Chie hice boda Rut 


rtl. P EILHI 
t4 n Í i Í i , (continued from page 137) 


“They spasmed across the dance floor to get near the 
attractive Three that Cleang had pointed out.” 


jerked at him and he staggered forward. 
“Idiot,” she hissed, but the cute Three 
had caught the little interchange and 
had indifferently moved away through 
the crowd. 

Nerl reprimanded Albolon. “You blew 
it for us, man. Didn't you see those 
gorgcous fems? We would have been per- 
fect, I just know it 

Albolon cursed. "Ah, the one in the 
dotted tube-throttler was a pig. I almost 
scored another Three for us all by myself 
unti] you pulled at me so obviou 

Cleang waved her eyeknobs impatient- 
ly. "Look over there. Do you thizk we 
can all agree on one Three to come on 
to? How about that short-tall-tall num- 
ber in the corner?” 

Al and Nerl furtively checked it out, 
“OK. Let's go.” 

Again, they spasmed across the dance 
floor, dodging single and double Triples 
to get near the attractive Three that 
Cleang had pointed out. This one was a 
good dancer, doing all the most fashion- 
able orifice openers among several ma- 
neuvering Threes. They were dressed in 
one of the latest согу suits, a single, 
gauzy garment that joined the three 
bodies in a spacious but intimate ar- 
rangement. There was a very obvious 
zipper, where another Three suit could 
easily be hooked in. 

“We don't have one of those sui 
Nerl commented negatively. “Th 
Three's too uptown for us. And look at 
the competi: I hate standing in line.” 

“Don't be а onesyhead,” said Albolon, 
who lusted after high-class liaisons. 
"We're artists. Rich Threes need us.” 

"Now that I think about it," said 
Cleang abjectly, "rich people have no 
sensitivity. Maybe we should go check 
out that long-haired Three over there in 
the middle.” 

By the time they were in close, Al- 
bolon was dragging the others. The 
music lulled for a moment. Aggressively, 
he leered at the Three and said, “Hey, 
babics, didn't I meet you at a sensory- 
awareness clinic in Big Stir 

The chic threesome laughed disd: 
fully and, without even answering, lost 
itself in the crowd. 

Nerl and Cleang clung to each other 
in utter embarrassment. 

“Albolon,” she said sadly, we don't 
get our relationship together, pretty soon 
we'll be a Two.” 

Albolon farted from his side vents in. 
frustration, 

“Would that be so bad? I've heard you. 
two talking together. I know what you 


think. You think I care about that Trip 
up in Snort Beach, the one you guys 
can't stand." 

He was beating his trunks up and 
down laboredly. Cleang and Nerl stroked 
the pits with tender solicitation. 

о, no." they said, "we're not jealous 
of them, Albolon. Its just that some! 
your come-on ruins our chances.” 

Albolon backed away  petulantly. 
“You're just possessive, that's what. Just 
because I like to check out things on 
my own.” 

He turned, broke away from them, 
while they stood there stunned. All 
around, Threes were watching them and 
giggling. 

nd you know,” Albolon said sting- 
ingly, “I do get off on my other Trip. 
At least my Snort Beach Поогу gives me 
plenty of space. Not only that but they 
е better trunk, too.” 
‘Albolon, you're crazy," 
Cleang. 

"You see," he said, his eye nooks wide, 
"that's what you really think of me when. 
I'm being honest. Well, goodbye.” 

He pivoted and was lost in the whirl- 
ing bodies. Cleang and Nerl tried to 
catch him, but the door of the club 
hissed and shut and Albolon was gone. 


protested 


Shocked, under the mortifying gaze of 
twittering Threes, they left the club. 
Outside, the street was empty of Albolon. 

With tears rolling down their face 
folds, they made their way across the livid 
ayenue, but the lights and the gaiety had 
lost their charm. 

"Let's go home, Nerl" Cleang said 
mournfully. “This is no way to find your 
nice, simple five-to-onc relationship." 

Nerl stood stubbornly in one spot 
"Go home? Are you kidding? We just 
lost our Three. I don't want to go home 
alone tonight. I'm just not ready for it.” 

“You're not alone” said Cleang, a 
trifle peeved. 

“You know what I mean,” said Nerl, 
regretting his spite. 

“I guess I do,” she said fatalistically. 

Nerl gazed up into the dimly visible 
heavens, reddish in the glow of the street- 
lights. All his anguish at the way they'd 
been constructed poured out of his heart 
and flailed weakly against the indiffer- 
ence of the cosmos. 

“There are some worlds out there,” he 
said distantly, “where I'll bet they have 
only three sexes, or maybe even just two. 
Different arrangements entirely. 

Cleang laughed and took his center 
trunk with her snout. “Come on, Nerl. 
"Thats absurd. Think how dull life 
would be. It’s all too simple.” 

He shook his shaggy mane, as if to 
spel the far-flung fantasy. Taking his 
iend by one of her more exposed 


gi 
tubes, he led her down the hysterical 
walkways in search of a Four-Two club. 


== 


[saos] 


“Admit it, Henry. You married me for my body." 


197 


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Dracula Country 


(continued from page 121) 
invaders from the north and last усаг a 
grateful nation, with the ble of its 
president, Nicolae Ceausescu, admitted 
him with appropriate pomp and cere- 


у, makes a pil- 
ge at first a bit disappointing. 

Suppose a Romanian author of the 
Tate 1880s hit on a clever idea for a 
thriller: Benjamin Franklin's life is ех 
tended by a freak accident with a kite in 
a thunderstorm and a series of increas- 
ingly weird and eventually deadly ex- 

i is performed by the now 
anged scientist during the first term 
of the Grover Cleveland Administrati 
Imagine that the book is established as a 
horror classic, is made into a number of 
movies abroad and its lead character 
joins the popular lore. Now, suppose a 
Romanian reader of Franklin makes a 
pilgrimage to the United States and, in- 
stead of being shown the site of the 
terrifying events he has read about, he is 
shown Franklin’s printing shop and his 
in Independence Hall. He will be 
ly interested, no doubt, or pretend to 
be, for the sake of his hosts, but will 
he feel himself in the presence of the 
green old man with a diabolical light- 
ning simulator? 

No. 

But still, here, looking down at the 
grave, I can imagine something rustling 
underneath the stone flooring, and 
Nancy has bought a crucifix from the 
st who tends the chap- 
d has a wooden tray full of the 
things, not to mention holy medals and 
postcards. She puts it around her neck. 

“Just thought Pd be prepared," she 
says, laughing. 

“The peasants believe his body was 
put here so that the worshipers walki 
would, little by little, take av 
id Nick. He shrugged. “It 
of him that when they got him 
his body disappeared, 
along with everything else they had 
found.” 

The priest was waiting for us outside, 
holding up a double-page spread from 
some newspaper showing the exc 
of the chapel in progress. He poi 
carefully at various, pictures, spe 
us in Romanian, nodding and s 
when he had made some point. 

"He is expl а 
was buried in his church,” said Nick. 

We have lunch at a pleasant bare 
wood restaurant in the forest, overlook- 
ing the lake. The place is mostly spread- 
ing roofed porches crowded with plank 
tables; it's designed for fine weather and 
can be neatly packed away when the ice 
and cold winds come. Each table has at 


No тоге"ріор 


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PLAYBOY 


200 


least one wine cooler waiting by it with 
bottles of beer and soft drinks standing 
in a bed of crushed ice. 1 learn this is a 
basic prop for any Romanian eating 
place. The beer is locally made—each 
small area has its special, fiercely de- 
fended beer—and tastes something like 
British bitter. With it we have a roast 
chicken served with a bowl of garlic 
sauce, and I'm introduced to mamaliga, 
a sort of corn-meal pudding, which goes 
beautifully with the chicken and, I will 
learn, with almost anything else, and 
which I will think of henceforth and for- 
evermore as the country's national dish, 
even if it may not, by some fluke, own 
that status officially. 

An old, old gypsy, bronzed and wrin- 
kled, wanders about the tables in а 
shabby but neatly pressed suit and plays 
the violin. Another gypsy has a box full 
of folded bits of paper and a parakect 
sitting on his shoulder. If you give the 
gypsy some money, the parakeet will hop 
onto the edge of the box and pluck out 
one of the papers and that will be your 
fortune. Nancy has her fortune read and 


it seems that someday she will be rich. 
Nick, meantime, continues his exposi- 
tion on the historical Dracula, 

They called him Dracula simply be- 
cause that was the diminutive of what 
they called his father: Dracul, which 
means Devil. He was, and is, far better 
known under the name Vlad Tepes, 
which means Vlad the Impaler, which 
refers to his hobby of putting people on 
standing stakes and leaving them there 
todie. 

Now, the Romanians do not pretend 
that Vlad Tepes was a gentle or a kindly 
man. “Ви Nick says, looking around 
wide-eyed for any possible refutation, 
“name me a Fifteenth Century monarch 
who was!” 

Besides, Nick argues reasonably, Vlad 
has all along suffered from a bad press: 
The pamphlets Stoker used for research 
were printed and written by Germans, 
and Germans had every reason to dislike 
him, since he would not pay them taxes 
and was consistently rude to their armies. 
A famous account of his villainy put out 
by them, the attack that took place on 


“Violence horrifies me. I go no further than 
character assassination.” 


Saint Bartholomew's Day and the subse- 
quent slaughter by stake of some 30,000 
persons, loses something in effectiveness 
when it is pointed out that a church, 
the objective of the attack, was actually 
a garrisoned fort and that it is doubtful 
whether the entire population in that 
area numbered as much as 3000. 

We stay that night in Bucharest, the 
capital, which looks surprisingly like a 
larger version of Nice. Romania was the 
chesspiece the French used in that end- 
less game the major powers played over 
the Balkans, and their influence lingers 
in that city. They have, for example, 
some of the best croissants I've eaten. 

The next day, we head north, the old 
man peering like an eagle over his 
g meticulous notes, 
Nancy and I keeping track of our prog- 
ress on a floppy road map from the 
Romanian Automobile Club. We're 
heading for Targoviste, Dracula’s capital 
when he was warrior prince of Walachia, 
the rich land spreading south of the 
Carpathians. 

Bucharest dwindles to small houses be- 
hind almost endless green picket fence, 
and then we are in the country, Ameri- 
can Midwest flat. with a tall corn crop 
on either side. I sce a farmer and his ox 
looking tiny in the middle o£ their huge 
field and wonder how they do it. 

One thing I worried about before the 
trip was the peasants. Would there be 
any and, if so, would they be quaint 
peasants? Oh, I'd seen photographs of 
peasants in the folders and guidebooks, 
wearing those woolly jackets with the 
flower patterns and smoking elaborate 
pipes, their women decked out in layers 
of colorful skirts topped with babush- 
kas—but would there really be honest-to- 
God peasants wandering by the sides of 
the roads and actually living in the vil 
lages, or would there be only plastic 
ones, mostly running tourist curio shops? 
‘The answer is, friends, that there are lots 
of peasants, and they are real ones, and 
they have all the props, including goats 
and scythes and all that stuff. You don't 
have to worry about it. 

‘The ruins are on the outs! 
town, which is quaint and quietseemin 
Theres a light sprinkling of tourists 
wandering amiably on walkways and 
through passages and climbing the wood 
en steps of the restored tower that domi- 
nates the scene. From the tower, you 
look down onto the palace that was the 
scene of Vlad Tepes’ most purely nasty 
none with a military excuse, just 
the sort of stult a bored monarch might 
dream up after a few monotonous weeks 
at court. 

Here is where he nailed the turbans 
to the heads of a Turkish delegation 
after they refused to dofi them in his 
honor, and where he presented a visiting 
ambassador with a standing golden stake 
after dinner, asking him if he knew what 


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might be for, but here, most interest- 
ingly, is where he carried out a Draculian 
civicimprovement program by inviting 
the village's poor, old and lame to a ban- 
quet, locking them in at the height of 
the festivities and then burning the 
whole affair to the ground. 

From there we veer west in our north- 
ern course to spend the night at Curtea- 
de-Arges, a small village possessing one 
of the prettiest little Byzantine churches 
in the world. It was a lot of bother to 
its architect, as he was forced to wall his 
wife up alive during the building, and 
when it was done, the king decided to 
kill him as well so he'd never build an- 
other as fine. The poor bastard impro- 
ised some wings out of roof planking 
in an attempt to fly away, but made it 
only across the road, and the crash site 
is presently marked by a spring babbling 
out of the rock he cracked on impact. 
Nick is full of stories like that. 

The next day is one I've been looking 
forward to. Our target is the site asso- 
ciated with the historical Dracula tl 
best evokes Stoker's monster as well: his 
ruined castle in the mountains high over 
the River Arges. This was his true lair, 

favorite lurking place. He worked 
his worst enem to death building it, 
and it was here he went whenever seri- 
ously threatened. 

The trip isn’t easy, as the river has 
broken loose shortly before and caused 
a dreadful flood. New roads haye been 
improvised alongside the ruins of the 
old, and we edge across a wobbly wood- 
en bridge while kids cheer us on from 
the bent steel beams of the one the flood 
has destroyed. 

We park in a bulldozed dearing by а 
wide point of the river and head for 
some concrete steps that mount up a 
gentle, wooded slope. There is no sign 
marking the place that I can see. The 
driver, standing by his car, looks up 
the cliffside rising over the slope, shakes 
his bald head and mops it with a hand- 
kerchief. 

“I would not hurry,” Nick says, “but 
take a leisurely pace. There are fourteen 
hundred steps to the castle.” 

A soldier stands in a patch of wildflow- 
ers next to the stairs and we exchange 
shy nods and smiles while he shifts 
the strap of his Sten gun. The stairs 
take a bend and the upward slope 
starts to increase, I see another soldier 
standing at the next bend а 
higher up, see the stairs form 
hairpin bends going out of sight. We 
are about three bends past the second 
soldier when we hear him shouting down 
to his companion. We pause as Nick 
listens to the exchange. 

"He says he has seen a viper,” Nick 
explains cheerfully and we resume our 
climb. 

The vegetation starts to thin and I 
see there has been considerable planting 


of vines and other things to firm the 
carth, held in place, amusingly, by hun- 
dreds of wooden stakes. Then I begin 
to observe paw prints here and there, 
set into the concrete of the stairs. 

“Those are wolf tracks," says Nick. 
“The wolves would come out and play 
at night while the cement was still set- 
ting. There are bear tracks, too, of 
course. 

By now, the steepness of the slope 
down from the edge of the stairs is be- 
coming more apparent. The parking 
space is very small, the driver, who has 
wandered across the road and is gazing 
down the further drop to the river, is 
a dot. 

A slow, steady pace, together with an 
occasional pause, make the climb quite 
tolerable. 

Then we come onto a ridge and the 
view turns spectacular. 

We round a bend and pass before the 
incongruous little cottage of the care- 
taker, quite comfy and homey. There 
are pots of flowers on the porch. Ahead, 
up 100 or so more winding steps, is 
the castle, 

It has been very partially restored, 
“propped up" might be better; rebuilt 
enough to be safe for snooping and 
climbing on. It reminds me more of 
Frankenstein than of Dracula, actually, 
and looks like the sort of place the good 
doctor would pick to bring some botched 


creation to life. The main tower is a 
dead ringer for that one in Bride of 
Frankenstein. All in all, I find it a very 
satisfyingly Gothic ruin and am sure it 
houses many owls and bats, and that 
wolves prowl itat night. 

Scattered down one slope is a third 
of the castle, fallen during the year 
1888, the year of Jack the Ripper. It 
was from that parapet that Vlad's wife 
threw herself to her death so he'd be 
unhampered in his flight from the 
Turks. Overlooking that view is Vlad's 
bedroom and, beneath that, the torture 
chamber. 

Back in the car, speeding smoothly 
alongside the Arges, I look up at the 
Carpathians looming ever higher before 
us and rub my hands in an open gloat. 
On the other side of those mountains 
lies my goal, for there, by God, is Tran- 
sylvania—the home of the real Dracula, 
by God, the pale skinny man with the 
long, sharp teeth who sleeps in a coffin 
and crumbles in the sun. This historical 
stuff is all very well, but now and then 
it does get in the way! 

The mountains are towering over us 
now and they look terrific. We are going 
to cross them at their highest point, the 
Figiras range, over a brand-new road, 
опе that is still in the process of settling 
down. The Romanians. Nick explains. 
have a strong feeling for the ecology, 
they do not want to force the earth 


against its will, so they give it the option 
of accepting or rejecting innovations 
such as this road we are about to travel. 
They do not start by sinking piles and 
pouring concrete, they sketch out the 
road with bulldozers, using minimum 
shoring, and then they watch and see 
which curves and grades the mountain 
takes to, which ones it throws aside. 

We've begun to climb, leisurely, but 
I can see glimpses of the road curling 
high above. It’s packed earth with now 
and then a chunk missing from its outer 
edge and an uneven border of fallen 
rocks and carth along its inner. The 
chauffeur has hunched a little lower over 
his wheel and his gearshifting becomes 
noticeably more enthusiastic. 

Nancy is looking apprehensively out 
the window. The sky was clear when we 
began our ascent, but now clouds are 
scudding in from the north, from Tran- 
sylvania, Of course, I am delighted to 
see them. There are occasional little red- 
and-white trestles placed on the borde 
of the cliffs edge to warn of the sheer 
drop beyond, but many of these have 
fallen, not a few along with generous 
portions of earth, and they look like 
scattered Band-Aids on the steep slopes 
below 

"I see," says Nick, smiling, “that this 
road has not yet been tamed 

The clouds, moving with remarkable 
speed, have covered the sky and are now 


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204 


starting a vertical expansion downward. 
Everything is suddenly wet, the rocks 
glistening, the earth road turning a 
bright red. Nick smiles. “I think Dracula 
has taken the form of a dump of thun- 
derclouds,” he says, "in order to wel 
come you appropriately.” I smile back 
at him, but Nancy has grown very still, 
which means she is not enjoying herself 
at all. 

We are nearing the top of the Car- 
pathians and I sce that the research and 
art departments at Universal Studios 
knew just what they were about when 
they did those lovely faked shots of 
appallingly rugged mountains in The In- 
visible Ray; but those big screens in the 
movichouses weren't big enough, after 
all, for they weren't up to suggesting the 
fantastic vastness of the place. 

Directly ahead of us is the black gape 
of a tunnel cut into the rock—the en- 
trance to Transylvania turns out to be 
a mysterious darkness—and at the pre- 
cise moment of our entry, at the exact 
instant, I swear it, a huge bolt of light- 
ning, fat and solid-looking, spirals in 
from behind us and smashes ker-raak 
into the side of the opening! Nick 
and I are startled into laughter, Nancy 
frowns and clenches her tecth and we 
zoom into the darkness of the tunnel, 
which is no staid arrangement of con- 
crete and tile but a thing chopped and 
blasted out of living rock, almost like a 
natural cave. Abruptly, like something 
from a haunted-house ride, I see a tall 
lady in a niche wearing a long white 
robe with a kind of hood, holding a 
candle in one hand and making signs at 
us with the other, as if to ward off the 
evil сус. She is gone with equal sudden- 
ness and we emerge from the tunnel 
into the thickest, peltingest rain 1 have 
ever seen, even in the tropics. 

The driver has the wipers on at once, 
but from the back seat, only water is 
visible. The roar of the rain on the roof 
is incredible. He hunkers down a little 
further over his wheel, readjusts his grip. 
on it and I am pleased to see a grim 
smile twitch at the corner of his mouth. 
He is going to use all his skill and in- 
genuity to see that the storm doesn't 
slow him down. 

At first we're surrounded by whirling 
darkness—we're actually working our 
way through the interior of a cloud!— 
which is irregularly lit by blinding flashes 
of lightning showing jagged boulders 
and twisted spires of rock slanting at 
bizarre angles; sometimes the lightning 
silhouettes them in stark outlines, some- 
times it blasts in front of them, food 
lighting the rain bouncing off them and 
making them scem covered with dancing 
spangles. 

Then we clear the cloud and the rain 
is pouring through a violently swirling 
grayness, like Poe's Maelstrom, and I 


K< 


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see swollen streams gushing down into 
the abyss, carrying rocks along with the 
force of their passage. Nick and I are 
clapping our hands in delight and laugh- 
ing like a couple of loons (I've never 
been on a more exciting ride in my life), 
but Nancy, who never batted an eye 
when we were in an automobile accident 
in Kenya, who drove through the Yuca- 
tán jungle before they had the road in— 
Nancy has become positively grim-faccd. 

Suddenly, on a particularly narrow 
stretch of road, there is a loud cascade 
of banging on the roof and we see rocks 
spinning by the windows. Nick and 1 
are instantly stilled and even the driver 
looks up with alarm. It’s the only time 
I have seen him startled. For a moment, 
we all hold our breath, but nothing more 
happens and we zoom on, the chauffeur 
neatly maneuvering a series of incredible 
descending hairpin turns, until finally 


we reach a little roadside inn, filled with 
sheepherders, where we decide to stop 
for lunch. 

“Let us thank our chauffeur for seeing 
us safely through,” announces Nick, and 
Nancy reaches her arms into the front 
seat and gives the old man a huge hug, 
which Nick smiles at but does not en- 
tirely approve of. Then his eyes light 
up as he spots a huge, pale butterfly 
flopping through the moist air from one 
d g branch to the next. 
h, I see Dracula has taken on an- 
other form to see how we enjoyed his 
welcome." 

Then we go into thc inn, all four of 
us together, to toast our survival with 
Russian vodka and stuff ourselves with 
meat grilled and spiced in the manner. 
Transylvanian bandits used to favor, 
and maybe still do. 

Of course, I am entircly satisfied with 


“Any girl crazy enough to go around kissing. 
frogs deserves what she gets.” 


our sensational ride through the Car- 
pathians; it was more than I'd dared 
hope for since I'd long ago looked up 
from the Encyclopaedia Britannica in 
the Evanston Public Library and rcal- 
ized Stoker's locales were honest to God 
based on fact, but there is more to come: 
There is rita, where Jonathan Hark- 
er stayed at the Golden Crown Hotel and 
had a crucifix pressed on him by 
frightened hosts; and, better, the Borgo 
Pass, the wild valley that Harker drove 
through in а wolkaccompanied coach 
to Dracula's castle itself. 

We spend the night in a monastery 
called, oddly, Upper Saturday. It has 
wood-burning stoves and you walk 
through corridors lined with glittering 
glass icons showing Christ sprouting 
branches and saints bleeding and Mi- 
chael slaying the dragon. Nancy snuggles 
close to me beneath the fat goose- 
down quilt on the enormous bed in our 
tiny room, elaborately decorated in red 
velvet. She has stopped making jokes 
and, I notice in the flickering firelight, 
has kept the crucifix on. The next morn- 
ing, we have breakfast with the abbot, 
who shows us the proper Romanian way 
to open and eat a fresh green pepper 

We drive most of the next day and 
i's late when our headlights pick up 
the sign pisnerra. My initial reaction is 
what I have feared for all these years: 
disappointment. It's а place of tidy ave- 
nues with trimmed trees and modern 
lamps and ordinarylooking houses. It 
actually reminds me of Evanston, and 
when we pull up at an aggressively un- 
mysterious-looking gas station and the 
pump goes ting, just like it did on 
Dempster Street, 1 wonder if I am the 
butt of some cosmic joke. 

My apprehension increases consider- 
ably when we arrive at the Golden 
Grown Hotel. It is purposely named after 
the place Stoker made up, but offhand I 
can't sce any other point of resemblance. 
Its a nice, comfortable place, a little 
too much like home, and I wouldn't be 
at all surprised to look out at the up-to- 
date parking lot and see Fords and 
Chevies with ILLINOIS, LAND OF LINCOLN 
license plates. True, the band in the 
restaurant does break off the prom mu- 
sic to play a doina, which is to say it 
docs its best to imitate a pack of wolves, 
a favorite pastime of the live musicians 
found in almost every eating establish- 
ment in the country, but this traveling 
nessman’s hotel is definitely not 
at I had in mind. 

The next day, we go to the old part 
of town and I perk up at once. This is 
much more like it. I can easily imagine 
Jonathan Harker wandering under the 
arcades, browsing over the curious foods 
and goods for sale in the little shops, 
and I'm delighted to see there are plen- 
ty of elderly ladies with babushkas and 


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colorful clothing and, yes, crucifixes; 
there seem to be plenty of crucifixes. 

It is all very much like the Bistrita 
I had hoped and, on braver days, ex- 
pected to see. The only odd thing is 
that the most noticeable feature of the 
whole place is a huge church with а 
towering steeple, which, I learn, can be 
seen for miles. It is by far the most out- 
standing and memorable building in 
Bistrita, yet Harker doesn't mention it 
once in Dracula, despite a lengthy de- 
scription of the town, doubtless because 
the author never actually made the trip 
himself. 

When we return to the hotel, I decide 
it really isn't so bad, after all. They do 
sell wolf and bear salami in their shop, 
though they're momentarily out of wolf, 
and there are a few badly painted but 
wellmeant Dracula plaques (one of 
which, for no reason at all, suddenly 
falls off the wall and hits poor Nancy 
on the head) for sale and, of course, 
plenty more crucifixes. 

Nick has arranged for us to meet the 
local director of tourism and he turns 
out to be a large, cheerful man who is 
a Dracula buff; admiring not just the 
historical Dracula but, like Nick, the 
real one as well. He ushers us into a se- 
cret room (I'm delighted to learn the 
Golden Grown has one) and pours us a 
rich, red Romanian wine, which, of 
course, inspires us to make lots of lit- 
Ue jokes about drinking blood. He has 
the only copy of Dracula I've seen in the 
country, well thumbed, a collection of 
very scary folk masks and a file of mail 
from Dracula fans all over the world, a 
good many of whom seem actually to 
believe he exists, including, interesting- 
ly, a number of females, many enclosing 
photos, offering their fair white necks 
for biting. Our host denies, with a care- 
fully ambiguous smile, accepting any of 
these latter invitations, but he answers 
all letters sent to Dracula, care of Tran- 
sylvania, as diligently as his opposite 
number at the North Pole replies to 
those sent to Santa Claus. 

We have a little more wine, make a 
few more jokes, which now strike every- 
body as really hilarious (even Nancy, the 
cut on her head having finally stopped 
bleeding, relaxes a bit), and then the 
driver pecks in, carrying a big wicker bas 
ket—everything is ready for the picnic! 

In all his informed guesses, Stoker is 
nowhere more on target than in his de- 
scription of the approach to Borgo Pass: 
the groves of apple trees, the sloping 
landscape, the lumbering oxcarts, the 
roadside crosses (though he had not men- 
tioned painted tin Christs nailed to 
them); and, yes, even the peasants pray- 
ing at their shrines were there. I gave a 
huge sigh of relief and smiled at the 
lowering mountains ahead. I was doing 
what I had so long wanted to do and it 
was working. 

The road through the pass itself does 


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not wind through crags and diffs as 1 
thought; its more a building from. hill- 
cocks to taller heights, and then, on 
either side, the steep rising of huge, 
rugged masses in the distance. We stop 
the car at a spot that strikes me as satis- 
fyingly forlorn, make our way up the 
hillside to a tree and are in the process 
of setting up our picnic when an enor- 
mous white dog appears. He smiles at 
us, revealing unbelievable teeth, and 
sits down. 

“It would appear,” says Nick, “that 
Dracula has taken one of his more tradi- 
tional forms to join us at our feast.” 

We arrange ourselves on a spread 
blanket, Nancy serves out our plates 
while the rest of us, including the dog, 
from whom she keeps her distance, wait 
patiently, and then we all dine together, 
the dog getting most of the bear salami. 
We are just finishing the last of the local 
beer when Nick points out something on 
a far hill. 

“Гус never seen that before," he says. 

The sun is hitting it just right, making 
it stand out clearly on its mountain. 
Were there turrets? Could I just make 
ош a broken battlement? 

“It’s some kind of a huge castle,” says 
Nancy. “A great, huge castle.” 

“What do you think?” asks Nick. “Do 
you think that’s 

“I think that’s it," I say. 

We leave in no great hurry. The dog 
has walked us to our car and sits now, 
huge and white against the grass, smil- 
ing and licking the last of the bear 
salami from his enormous teeth as he 
watches us out of sight. 

Sitting back in the Mercedes, I think 
about Bobby Marty and wish we hadn't 
lost touch, This time, I would like to 
tell him about Dracula and the land in 
which he lived and, I'm sure Bobby and 
I would agree, could we get together, 
lives yet. 

“There is a long silence, broken finally 
by Nancy, who has brightened consider- 
ably, now that we are headed back to 
Bucharest. 

"What do you suppose the driver's 
made of thi she asks Nick. "All this 
Dracula business?” 

"Oh, he really doesn't care," 
Nick. "He just drives." 

"Has he ever heard of Dracula 
persists. 

ick asks the drive 


says 


she 


уз the driver, keep- 
ing his eyes on the road. "Dral-koo-lah2" 
akes his head. It's new to him. 
‘Ask him if he's heard of Vlad Tepes,” 
I say, and Nick does, and the driver re- 
plies. Nick turns and smiles, an. elbow 
ng on the back of his seat. 

"Vlad Tepes, yes, Vlad Tepes,” he 
translates. "He's buried in Snagov.” 


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(continued from page 184) 
American technicians with Germans and 
rely upon Onassis’ German-built super- 
tankers to provide an outlet for the ex- 
propriated oil 

Onassis was up against the wall. In 
the space of only a few months, every 
part of his empire had been placed in 
jeopardy; sued, suryeiled, boycotted, 
smeared and bugged on two continents, 
he was now—whether through coinci- 
dence or design—to be attacked on a 
third. For years, Onassis had been op- 
erating one of the world’s largest whal- 
ing operations, a sea hunt in which his 
ships sailed the icy Humboldt Current 
along the western coast of South Ameri- 
ca. There had never been any problems 
until Onassis became embroiled in a dis- 
pute with Big Oil: In November 1954, 
Peru astonished Onassis and the world 
with its decision to militarily enforce an 
earlier declaration extending its territo- 
rial waters far beyond the traditional 
three-mile limit; thenceforth, the Land 
of the Condor would stretch 200 miles 
into the Pacific Ocean. 

Former Onassis aides are convinced 
that Peru's coastal militance had been 
encouraged by those in the U.S. intel- 
ligence community who were determined 
to damage Onassis at any cost. In any 
event, the consequences for the faltering 
multimillionaire were swift in coming. 

On November 15, Peruvian destroyers 
sailed 180 miles off the coast to surprise 
and capture four Onassis whalers. On the 
following day, the Onassis fleet's mother 
ship, Olympic Challenger, was circled by 
a Peruvian fighter plane that, after its 
order to proceed to the coast had been 
ignored, rained bombs on the Challeng- 
er and ripped apart its hull beneath 
the water line; when the ship began to 
limp, the fighter swept down and strafed 
its decks with machinegun fire. Before 
the Challenger's radio went dead, its 
position was reported as 380 miles off 
the Peruvian coast. 

The final blow to Onassis came in the 
form of pressure on the Saudis them- 
selves. Since the tycoon was determined 
to hang on to the Jidda Agreement at 
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That this so-called proof of bribery 
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likely. Constantine Gratsos states flatly 
that Catapodis was himself bribed to 
play the part he did. “He was a legend- 
ary, a monumental gambler,” Gratsos 
says, “and always in debt. Of course he 
was bribed!” 

Asked about that, Gerrity shrugs: ‘I 


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don't doubt it. We were playing rough.” 

Whatever Maheu said to the Saudis, it 
worked. The country’s new king (old ibn- 
Saud had died shortly before the Jidda 
Agreement was signed) ordered Onassis 
10 meet with representatives of the 
Aramco companies and to resolve the 
differences between them, If concord 
could not be reached, the new Saudi 
minister of finance would “arbitrate” 
the matter. That would hardly be to 
Onassis’ advantage, since the agreement 
had been negotiated with the previous 
finance minister, who, as it happened, 
had been forced out of office shortly 
after Maheu's arrival in Jidda. 

Onassis met with Aramco representa- 
tives, as ordered, and the Jidda Agree- 
ment was broken. 

And suddenly, Onassis’ problems faded 
away. Catapodis various lawsuits were 
dismissed in the courts for lack of juris- 
diction and lack of evidence. The wire 
taps and bugs were deactivated. The sur- 
veillance ended. The press relented in 
its attacks. Gerrity's assignment was over 
(“After that,” he says, "I went out to 
California to work on some local elections 
for Hughes. The Peruvian fighters 
folded their wings. 

Even Burger's Justice Department suit 
went by the boards. Ostensibly, the con- 
sent agreement signed by Onassis and 
the Feds required the tycoon to pay 
$7,000,000 damages—a substantial judg- 
ment. According to his attorney, how- 
ever, Onassis never really had to pay 
nything out of pocket. “It was all done 
with mirrors," Ed Ross says, "to make 
Burger look good. The settlement didn't 
cost Onassis а cent. It was just a face- 
saving gesture.” Fitüngly, it was Burger's 
last such gesture as an attorney. In June 
1955—the same month Onassis and 
Aramco sat down to begin dismanuing 
the Jidda pact—he was appointed to the 
country's second most prestigious judicial 
forum, the District of Columbia Court 
of Appeals. 

The only remaining thorn in Onassis” 
side was the oil companies’ boycott 
against his ships, and that, too, worked 
out to his advantage. In the summer of 
1956, history intervened to make Onassis 
richer than he had ever been, when 
Egypt decided to nationalize and then 
to close the Suez Canal. Closing Suez 
forced those shipping oil from the Mid- 
east to send it around the Cape of Good 
Hope, tripling the time required for 
transit and, therefore, the number of 
tankers needed to supply the Western 
world with oil. 

Onassis’ fleet, thanks to the boycott, 
was the only one ayailable to fill the gap 
created by the closing of Suez: His com- 
petitors, haying taken advantage of the 
ostracized Onassis, were locked in to 
long-term shipping contracts at what 
soon became "the old rates" Onassis 
quickly used this advantage to com- 
pensate for his difficulties, hammering 


out contracts that escalated the price of 
carrying oil from $4 to $20 per ton. 

In the end, the anti-Onassis plot was 
both a failure and a success. While it 
failed by a quirk of history to bankrupt 
Onassis, the campaign did succeed in 
destroying the hated Jidda Agreement. 

. 

The episode was over. And yet serious 
questions remained—not the least of 
which was: Who had used whom? It is 
evident that the CIA was a mere pawn 
of the multinationals throughout the 
conspiracy's unfolding. The question is 
whether genuine nationalsecurity mat- 
ters were at stake or whether the CIA 
was used to legitimize a conspiracy 
whose purpose was to favor one group 
of businessmen over another. 

IL it was a legitimate national-security 
operation, one would expect it to have 
been approved by the National Security 
Council. And yet, according to Repub- 
lican leader Harold Stassen, a member 
of the NSC during this period, there was 
never any mention of Onassis at NSC 
meetings. The significance of this is that 
the operation may have been a national- 
security matter in the minds of Nixon 
and his cronies but not in the minds of 
those responsible for deciding such 
things at the time. 

What appears to have happened is 
that Nixon circumvented established in- 
telligence channels to run an attack 
upon Onassis, somehow persuading the 
CIA to cooperate in his adventure— 
much аз he would later circumyent the 
NSC while President, setting in motion 
the notorious Track II operation against 
Chilean president Salvador Allende. 

In talking with Gerrity, Staten and 
some of the other spooks who waged the 
battle against the Greek tycoon, images 
of Watergate are impossible to avoid. 
Each of the Maheu operatives recalls 
the overwhelming emphasis his superiors 
placed on the "national security" aspect 
of the operation. 

"We were always being reminded," 
Staten says, "that the CIA was behind 
the operation, that it was Government 
work. Maheu told us that over and over." 
A similar refrain would be heard almost. 
two decades later" by Cuban exiles plan- 
ning to burglarize the Democratic Na- 
tional Committee headquarters: That, 
100, would be a “national security" 
matter. 

Finally, there is the question of others" 
complicity in the affair. Besides Nixon, 
Gerrity says that Burger was also aware 
of the operational details and that he 
discussed the Onassis conspiracy with 
Burger at a private home in the Wash- 
ington area. “I don't know how much 
Burger really grasped about it all,” says 
Gerrity, “but I can remember what he 
said to me, the exact phrase: He said 
he'd take ‘judicial oversight of my activi- 
ties with Maheu. The hell he would! 
He was getting reports regularly from 


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the CIA and the FBI on everything relat- 
ing to Onassis, including what Maheu 
and I were дой 

Asked if Burgers knowledge would 
have included information from the pos- 
sibly illegal wire taps, Gerrity shrugs 
and says, “Everything.” 

'u of talking to Burger these days, 

one talks to Barrett McGurn. Formerly a 
foreign correspondent for the now de- 
funct New York Herald Tribune, Mc- 
Gurn left journalism to serve his country 
as an information officer in Vietnam and 
subsequently as press liaison for the 
Chief Justice in Washington. 

Told about the anti-Onassis plot mas- 
terminded by Maheu, Nixon and Niar- 
chos, McGurn expressed amazement and 
pleaded ignorance of the tale. He re- 
called that Burger had won accolades for 
his handling of the Justice Department 
suits against the Greek shipowners, but 
of the larger operation he said he knew 
nothing. Told then that a source claims 
to have kept Burger informed of the 
anti-Onassis plot during Burger's sensi- 
tive negotiations with attorneys for 
Niarchos and Onassis, McGurn again 
professed astonishment and promised to 
ask Burger if that were true. 

The following day, McGurn had 
Burgers replies. According to the in- 
formation officer, “The Chief Justice re- 
ceived no CIA reports about Onassis 
during the 1954-1956 period. He held no 
conversations with Nixon about Onassis. 
And neither did he speak with Maheu 
оп any matter at that time. He had no 
knowledge of any parallel operation 
against Onassis—contrary to what your 
source say 

Who, incidentally, was my source? 
McGurn interjected. As I had not yet re- 
ceived permission to name my source, I 
promised to get back to McGurn. 

A few days later, I Iunched with G 
rity at a restaurant ncar the White 
House. Over Welsh rarebit, white wine 
and cognac, we discussed the Onassis af- 
fair until late in the afternoon, talking 
of Nixon and Burger and of Gerrity's ad- 
ventures in London and Rome. Gerrity 
mentioned, apropos of nothing in partic- 
ular, that while in the latter city, he 
had met a fellow reporter who had been 
nice enough to show journalistspook 
Gerrity around the Eternal City. 

""The reason I mention this," Gerrity 
said, "is that the whole Onassis thing is 
wheels within wheels. The guy I'm tell- 
ing you about, the reporter, is Barrett 
McGurn—you know him? He's Burger's 
flack now. Great guy. In fact, I just 
spoke to him a couple of weeks ago, 
about a personal favor.” 

When asked about Gerrity, McGum 
again pleaded ignorance, though he 
added that it's "very possible" that he 
may have spoken to Gerrity recently and 
may even have known him in Rome. "I 
get 400 calls a week here at the Supreme 


218 Court—I can't remember every one of 


them. It’s possible he called. It’s also pos- 
sible that I showed him around in Rome. 
I showed lots of reporters around: I was 
president of the [foreign press club]." 

But, McGurn insisted, he was in Paris 
rather than Rome throughout 1954 and 
the first eight months of 1955 (coinciden- 
tally, the precise duration of the anti- 
Onassis plot); if he had met Gerrity, it 
could not have been in Rome during 
that time. McGurn then ended the con- 
versation on an acid note. 

“Do me a favor,” he said. 

“What's that?” 

“When you see Gerrity again—gi 
him my regards and tell him thanks.” 

. 

“The ambiguities remain after nearly 
25 years, and the questions they suggest 
are sufficiently complex as to be worthy 
of a John le Carré novel. It is not 
enough, for instance, to speak of some- 
опе being someone else's “pawn.” In the 
anti-Onassis operation, there were chains 
of pawns. At the lowest level were 
Frank's “three Remsons" and Gerrity’s 
spooks in white flannel. Above them 
were Frank, Gerrity and the rest of 
Maheu's Mission: Impossible team, them- 
selves no more than dragoons, ostensibly 
in the service of Niarchos. 

Here the atmosphere became even 
more rarefied and the "chains of com- 
mand" took on a twilit aspect. If Nixon 
did circumvent the National Security 
Council while presiding over what he 
claimed was a national-security opera- 
tion, it would mean that the CIA was 
little more than his private-policy instru- 
ment. But what of the relations! 
among Nixon, Niarchos and the multi 
nal oil companies? Who got what 
m whom? The likelihood is that all 
of them were exploiting one another: 
Nixon and the Republican Party needed 
the multinationals’ money; the multi- 
nationals needed their monopolies; and 
Niarchos—besides his hatred for Onas- 
sis—needed to escape the threat of im- 
prisonment. In circumstances such as 
those, everyone is a pawn—and no one is. 

And what of Warren Burger, the man 
who would go on to become Chief Justice 
of the United States? That he played a 
strategic role in the conspiracy against 
Onassis is undeniable, but exactly what 
did he know and when did he know it? 
Was he aware of the larger plot, or was 
his role somehow innocent and ordinary? 

The questions are important, because 
they involve matters of ethics and of 
law. Clearly, Onassis’ rights were savaged 
throughout that time of litigation: The 
victim of wire taps, surveillance and cal- 
culated defamation, the tycoon could 
hardly be said to have gotten a fair 
shake from the U.S. Government. But 
was Burger cognizant of those attacks? 

Burger, speaking through McGurn, di 
agrees with Gerrity about conversations 
they may have had; but what of Burger's 
other conversations? What, for instance, 


of those talks between Burger and 
Niarchos' chief attorney, L. E. P. Tylor? 
That Tylor knew of his clients rela- 
tionship to the Maheu agency is ap- 
parent, since it was Tylor who made 
the initial call to the Maheu office that 
set the New York wire tap in motion. If 
the Onassis operation was, indeed, a 
national-security matter, as Nixon and 
others insisted, it is hard to imagine 
that Niarchos' attorney failed to men- 
tion his client's patriotic role to Burger: 
It might, after all, mitigate Niarchos’ 
jeopardy before American courts. 

Moreover, should push have come to 
shove in the Federal cases against 
Niarchos and Onassis, might not the 
CIA's activities—through cut-out Maheu 
or through officers Donahue and Dimag- 
gio in Rome—have been exposed during 
trial? That possibility alone would seem 
to have been sufficient reason for Tylor 
to inform Burger of the anti-Onassis 
operation. 

As for Nixon, his involvement in the 
plot remains undisputed by every source 
east of San Clemente. A call to Colonel 
John Brennan, Nixon’s majordomo and 
“spokesman” at Casa Pacifica, elicited a 
terse refusal to put any questions to his 
boss. Told that one would like to get 
both sides of the story, Brennan inter- 
rupts venomously: “I know the routine, 
and we'll take our chances." End of con- 
versation. 

"The question, however, is not whether 
Nixon was involved but why. National 
security appears to have been more an 
excuse than a serious justification. Less 
wholesome motives, however, are by no 
means certain. Financial contributions 
to the G.O.P, might have been a motive, 
but there is no able way to deter- 
mine that. Still, Nixon undoubtedly won 
some powerful allies through his role in 
the conspiracy: Years later, he would be- 
come the head. partner in the law firm of 
Mudge, Rose, Mitchell, Guthrie and 
Alexander; along with Tylor, the Mudge, 
Rose firm represented Niarchos in his 
1954 negotiations with Burger. Was it a 
coincidence that Nixon should find such 
a lucrative home there in the years when 
he became politically hors de combat? 
Perhaps. Perhaps not. 

The answers, then, are obscure, but 
the questions deserve to be asked. The 
ry players—all but Onassis—are 
'€ to under- 


standing their relationsl 
other in the seminal years of the Fifties 
is to resign ourselves to the con 
existence of a secret history that certifies 
an enduring civic ignorance. And that, 
of course, can only lead to the emergence 
of a multinational raj, a country whose 
borders are marked not by mountains 
and rivers but by the clandestine flow 
of laundered currencies and the secret 
transit of company spies. 


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(continued from page 168) 
to the East have resulted in Thai sticks, 
which sell for $15 to $25 apiece (or $225 
to $690 an ounce). Thai sticks are essen- 
tially a marketing gimmick. Better grass 
is grown in Hawaii (Maui Wowie, Kona 
Gold, etc.). These marijuanas may con 
tain as much as 20 percent THC and 
typically check in at 10 to 12 percent 
The price ranges from $160 to $350 an 
ounce—but on a dollarper-milligram 
basis, they are probably worth the cost, 
especially in states that have decriminal- 
ized marijuana. A pound of cheaper 
commercial-grade grass or a few grams of 
hash might land you in jail for a year, 
but a very expensive ounce of supergrass, 
with the same amount of active ingredi- 
ent, would get vou off with a small fine. 

The most potent form of THC comes 
in hash oil (as high as 60 percent), which 
is made from grass, not hash. It costs 
from $25 to $40 per gram. H someone 
tries to sell you pure THC, forget it. 
More likely than not, it’s PCP. Or worse. 

What are the dangers of overuse, of 
supergrass? Available studies from Costa 
Rica and Jam where subjects 
smoked an average of about ten joints 
a day, with some persons smoking up to 
80 joints daily on occasion—revealed no 
differences from a control group of non- 
smokers. 


COCAINE 


A couple of hits of cocaine make 
me feel like a new man. The only 
problem was the ferst thing the new 
man wanted was e couple of hits of 
cocaine. — GEORGE CARLIN 


Cocaine is fast becoming the recrea- 
tional drug of choice. It is also a favorite 
drug of people who generate myths 
about drugs. A week doesn't go by that 
some heinous coke pusher is busted on 
Baretta, Starsky and Hutch or Charlic's 
Angels. Some of the latest antidrug prop- 
aganda rivals that of the turn of the 
century, when cocaine first got its bad 
name. Researcher Robert Peterson points 
out that no less a venerable organ than 
The New York Times reported at that 
time that "cocaine resulted in mass mur- 
ders by ‘crazed [black] cocaine takers’ 
whose marksmanship was markedly im- 
proved by the drug. . . . The drug was 
accused of being a ‘potent incentive in 
driving the humbler Negroes all over the 
country to abnormu] crimes. . . .’ Most 
attacks upon white women of the 
South . . . are the direct result of coke- 
crazed Negro brain.” 

Now that coke has become as pure as 
the white middle class can afford to buy, 
the stories ha 
subdued. Most attacks upon white wom- 
en arc by their boyfriends. One reason 
may be that in the amounts taken by 


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most Americans, coke is relatively be- 
nign. It doesn't freak you out. You don't 
get sick. It's very difficult to O.D. Not 
only are there no adverse reactions, there 
are few reactions at all, making it the 
perfect drug for people who are afraid 
You can tell alot about an individual by what he pours into his glass OF hup. Us Gs цуу aff ETE 

users, the most. common description of 
the effect of cocaine was "subtle" The 
reason the drug is so subtle is that most 
people take amounts too small to pro- 
duce clinical effects. 

According to lab reports, the average 
purity of street cocaine these days is 
between 53 and 63 percent. It is cut 
with a variety of neutral substances 
(mannitol, lactose) or active substances 
(lidocaine and procaine—related ane: 
thetics that produce a numbing sen: 
tion). The product sells for between $80 
and $150 per gram. Add to that an 
average of $30 spent on coke parapher- 
nalia—gold-plated razor blades, solid- 
gold straws, silver spoons, silver-plated 
vials, mirrors, scales, test kits, etc. Coke 
spoons hold an average of five to ten 
milligrams of coke. The average line of 
coke is about an eighth of an inch wide 
by one inch long and contains approxi- 
m 25 mg, of cocaine if pure or 14.5 
mg. if street cut. If you snort 25 mg. of 
pure coke, you will experience minimal 
changes in heart rate and blood pressure. 
Significant cuphoria is produced by doses 
of from 13 to 130 mg. 

Without doubt, the coke ritual—the 
purchase, the cutting into lines with a 
azor blade, the snorting through rolled 
up $100 bills- has become the new 
American tea ceremony. It is performed 
in a social setting with trusted friends. It 
is often accompanied by wine or mari 
juana use. The pure financial commit- 
ment to having a good timc may produce 
the desired reaction. You pay for thc 
placebo  effect—the experience that 
comes from thinking you have taken 
something, whether vou have or not 

“The Government's chief concern with 
cocaine is its incredible potential for 
abuse. Cocaine is temptation inca e. 
Dupont says: "We also know that cocaine 
is among the most powerlully reinforc- 
ing of all abused. drugs. Although not 
physically addictive in the sense that the 
opiates are, there is good. evidence that 
the desire to continue use when available 
is remarkably strong. ‘The relatively be- 
nign picture presented by the occasional 
use of small quantities might be marked 
ly altered were the single euphoric illicit 
dose now costing about ten dollars av 
able at the licit cost of about ten cents, 

Current research with humans suggests 
that were there an unlimited supply of 
cocaine, the body would take care of 
itself. White mice will self-administer 

— cocaine until they die. Humans won't 

Bushmills. Charl Schuster, a researcher at the Uni 

The worl older whisey versity of Chicago, reports that there is a 

“The"Vichtsman’plass created forthe Bushmills Collection by HenryHalem — — Individuals have poured this pattern similar to amphetamine abuse. 
ыркын M Prat Beck in c e Jos Games Co, New kN og ^ tooth mellow whiskey since 1608. “There have been descriptions in the 


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PLAYBOY 


224 


literature of human speed freaks usi 
amphetamines and cocaine. They take 
the drug at very high levels for three or 
four days, stop for a few days, then take 
it again." 

The body crashes, burns, then recovers. 
Sometimes, so does your bank account. 
In the absence of any clearly defined 
danger, the new prohibitionists appear 
ready to try a new tactic. The folks at the 
National Institute on. Drug Abuse are 
undertaking a two-year study to deter- 
mine the feasibility of spraying coca 
plants with—you guessed it—paraquat. 
Way to go. 


SPEED 


Toward the end of the Sixties, the 
Government and the counterculture co- 
operated in a campaign against amphet- 
mine abuse. The message was: SPEED 
KILLS. A lot of folks, haunted by the 
image of a wired-to-the-gills, homicidal 
speed freak able to leap tall buildings at 
a single bound—top to bottom—turned 
away from uppers of any kind. Federal 
regulation cut down the number of 
prescriptions. 

The result of this crackdown is that 
whereas a decade ago high-quali 
phetamines could be purchased on the 
street for less than what they cost in a 
drugstore, today’s speed freak is buying 
junk. According to lab reports, most of 
what is sold on the street as ampheta- 
mines is either leine or one of the 
decongestants that are labeled MAY CAUSE 
DIFFICULTY WITH SLEEP. These chemicals 
can be bought over the counter in a 
drugstore for about three cents to ten 
cents each—in potencies twice those of 
the street drugs, which cost about 20 


am- 


cents per hit. Unless you get your speed 
from a doctor, don’t bother. 


HALLUCINOGENS 


According to NIDA figures, over 
10,000,000 Americans have tried hallu- 
cinogens, with about 1,000,000 of them 
sull involved in regular use. T hat's about 
the same number that formed the ranks 
of flower children at the height of the 
counterculture. For most, the drug of 
choice is LSD. Unlike other illegal drugs, 
the price of acid is about the same as i 
was ten years ago—from two and a half 
dollars to five dollars a hit. Before you 
praise the ethics of acid manufacturers, 
you should realize that the amount of 
acid in each dose has fallen from an 
average of 250 micrograms to less than 
100 micrograms, The reduction in po- 
tency has the logical effect of greatly 
reducing the number of adverse effects 
rhe drug today seems to be far more 
manageable. There are fewer bad trips 
(when was the last time you heard of 
someone trying to stop a train with his 
bare hands?)—and fewer cosmic trips 
(when was the last time someone you 
knew saw God?). 

Despite all stories to the contrary, LSD 
does not contain and never has contained 
any strychnine or speed. While some old- 
er acid has degraded into more speedy 
by-products (such as iso-LSD) that cause 


stomach cramps, most of the negative 
effects of acid lie not in the drug but in 
the user. True, it is easier to say, “My 


acid had strychnine in it," than to say, 
I can't handle my dope,” but the latter 
is often the case. 

Most hallucinogen users have dropped 
acid, not only because it is the most 


“And help Mom and Dad get their shit together.’ 


common one around but also because 
most, if not all, of the mescaline and 
psilocybin sold on the strect is actually 
LSD. It is a simple operation to drop 
liquid acid onto a mushroom and up the 
price considerably. Mushroom-growing 
kits are offered for $15-$50 [see box on 
back of chart]. 


PCP 


Angel dust. Elephant tranquilizer. 
White Cadillac. Dead on arrival. Tic. 
Rocket fuel. Krystal. 

Name it and cl; it. PCP is the up- 
and-comer, the down-and-outer of drugs 
today, slowly working its way to the top 
The horror 
stories that used to attach themselves to 
acid, speed, cocaine or marijuana are now 
riding like a monkey the back of the 
latest drug. Newspapers in need of a bit 
of investigative reporting regularly alarm 
ents with tales of drug madness 
among high school students. Sixty Min- 
utes recently devoted 15-20 minutes to 
detailed PCP horror stories: the kid who 
nonchalantly murdered his parents with 
a rifle while under the effects of dust; a 
kid who seemed compelled to kill, like 
the drug-crazed berserkers of the Phi 
pine wars. The police now approach 
suspected PCP user as they would an 
armed and dangerous Iclon. In Los 
Angeles, an officer emptied his service 
revolver into a nude, unarmed dusthead 
who was walking aimlessly about his 
front yard. The officer claimed the man 
had assumed a martial-arts stance. More 
likely, he was just trying to cover his 
exposed parts. The police officer was 
clcarcd—the killing was jus 
cause the man was not a man but a 
temporary container for the dread chem- 
ical phencyclidine. Overkill. The policy 
of prohibition by fear takes its toll. 

PCP is not a new drug. It first made 
its appearance in the late Sixties—usu- 
ally as THC, angel dust or Peace Pill. 
The trip was not a particularly pleasant 
one—for the first hour, one experienced 
in anesthetic phase. A downer. The 
initial hallucinogenic period was often 
characterized by anxiety, panic and fear 
of death. That might give way to a two- 
tosix-hour high—but most heads pre- 
ferred the ascending rush of acid. If the 
drug was used, it was used in low doses. 
If smoked slowly, you could pace your- 
self, get to the point of intoxication 
desired, then stop. There were few re- 
ports of violence associated with the drug. 
The pattern of PCP use has changed 

the Seventies, The drug is taken in 
rger doses, and by different routes, and 
by a different kind of head. The person 
who used to take barbiturates and heroin 
may now find his escape through the de- 
pressant effects of PCP. Users describe 
the first hour as an incredible way of “ger- 
ting down.” What follows is described 


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As Lincoln had foreseen in 1862, the En E By 1, ам» 
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Last year, our members saved 33% Specified. If you should receive an 
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B 464. The Twelve Caesars. 

Membership Benefits: А member- ру Michael Grant. From Julius in 49 B.C. through 
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which your purchases will be charged — 516/TheCels. By Gerhard Herm. 512.5058.50 
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Please enroll me as a trial member and 
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from the list of Club selections: 


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This new LCD Chronograph is truly extraordinary. It 
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An Extraordinary Value 

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The micro-electronic revolution has turned the 
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as a mellow trip. For most users, PCP 
seems to be a compromise—it seems 
less dangerous than the heavier downs. 
You don't overdose, you just get wiped 
out. And sometimes an unstable person 
will take the drug and do something 
bizarre, violent and newsworthy. The 
atrocity will be attributed to the drug 
and not to the person. 

As a result, some of the emergency 
¢ available to treat drug 
id to aid the PCP user who 
gets in over his or her head. Expecting 
violence, they turn the cases over to the 
police, who have litle or no training 
in such matters. 

Overall, the PCP picture is grim. For 
what it's worth, the stuff you buy on the 
street for S60-S75 per gram is likely to 
bc PC [hat is small consolation to one 
embarking on a high-risk excursion. 


THE LOVE DRUGS 


The search for an aphrodisiac contin- 
ues unabated and, unfortunately, we 
must report that it continues to be unsuc- 
cessful. Three drugs are today being 
touted in this category and deserve men- 
tion, if only to put them in perspective. 

The easiest to obi is butyl nitrite. 
Almost identical to amyl nitrite, the 
butyl i able over the counter 
asa " in head and sex 
shops. Its attachment to sex comes in 
part from the fact that it is so casy to 
take prior to an orgasm, allowing you to 
get suddenly stoned prior to coming. It 
also has the effect of dilating smooth 
muscles, thus allowing easier anal pene- 
i t popularity in the 
gay community. It is generally safe unless 
itl to a blown blood vessel, in which 
case it can kill you. There has to be a 
better way. 

Quazludes, or Ludes, as they are affec- 
tionately known, work the same way that 
most so-called aphrodisiacs work: They 
reduce your inhibitions. 1 you are a 
strongly inhibited person, Ludes will 
greatly enhance your sex life. If you arc 
uninhibited, the depressant effect of the 
drug will make you perform like a log. 
Their reputation was made in Ohio, the 
home of lots of inhibited people, and 
the myth spread far and wide. But they 
don’t work as aphrodisiacs. And at the 
inflated price of three dollars to seven 
and a half dollars each, they have be- 
come a prime target for counterfeiters, 
who will substitute almost anything but 
generally give you Valium or Librium 
or both. 

So on to MDA. This drug, sometimes 
called the love drug, is popular in eso- 
teric circles that have access to it. While 
it appears all over the United States, it 
seems to be in short supply and yet is 
relatively inexpensive (usually under five 
dollars a hit). Surprisingly, most of w 
is sold as MDA is MDA, or its kissing 


cousin, MDM, MDA is an amphetamini 
based drug similar in structure to mescal- 
ine. Most users report that it increases 
sensuality rather than actual sexual pe 
formance. Women, especially, report 
enjoying their mates’ using the d 
saying it slows them down and lets them 
enjoy more tenderness. The drug has 
been listed in one major work on sex 
therapy as a possible aphrodisiac, but 
then, at one time, marijuana and LSD 
were listed that way. Nonetheless, it is 
probably the closest thing we have found 
to a true aphrodisiac. 


"THE FUTURE 


In recent years, chemists have been 
coming up with new and interesting 
drugs at the rate of almost опе а yeai 
They have been assisted royally by an- 
thropologists and botanists who have 
been identifying naturally occurring 
drugs used in other cultures. And the 
future seems to be more and more di- 
rected toward the organic substances. 

Despite the difficulty being experienced 
now, more and more hallucinogenic 
mushrooms are being grown. The magic 
mushrooms will probably be the drug 


of choice for those who like the hallu- 
cinogens, as well as for some who would 
normally stay away from them. The fre 
quency of these drugs on the street is 
already up and it can be expected to 
continue to rise, 

Of course, as more and more people 
become aware of the ease with which 
marijuana of the highest quality can be 
grown, and especially when cultivation 
bills make growing it punishable by 
simple fines, home-grown high-potency 

juana will become extremely im- 
portant on the drug scene. It will do so 
with a minimum of cost to the user and 
will make the American way of life, 
where one pays more for quality, stand 
on its head. 

And, finally, while there is none now, 
we expect to see use as a drug of the 
leaves of the coca bush, from which 
cocaine is made. Coca can be grown i 
the United States and the leaves can be 
purchased in Colombia for almost less 
than marijuana. Properly prepared and 
chewed, they become a mild stimulant 
that can be used all day with few or no 
unpleasant side effects. 


“Honey, are you decent?” 


225 


PLAYBOY 


226 


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GRAY-FLANNEL PUSHER 

(continued from page 180) 
it. Some people are addicted exclusively 
to Talwin, which some studies suggest 
causes muscle-cell decomposition. 

+ Before Congress restricted their 
manufacture and prescription in 1971, 
amphetamines were the most abused and 
overprescribed drugs їп the country. 
mith, Kline and French and other com- 
panies aggressively promoted speed as 
good for obesity, “apathy, pessimism, loss 
of interest and initiative and lack of 
ability to concentrate.” Moreover, the 
manufacturers ignored the threat of 
paranoid psychosis resulting from speed 
addiction, preferring to note side effects 
such as infrequent and mild “insomnia, 
excitability and motor " Street 
grew alarmingly in the Sixties, as did 
quasilegal use by legions of Dr. Fcel- 


goods and by the so-called fat clinics. 
Smith, Kline and French was called 
The House That Speed Built," because 


it held the first 0.5. amphetamine 
patents, 

Today, especially combination, 
amphetamines still widely abused, 


marketed aggressively, if qu 
(the 20mg. "black L 
ате a widely soughtalter Pennwalt 
speed cocktail), Ritalin, Preludin, Dex- 
amyl, Desoxyn and their chemical cous- 
ins tangle up thousands of housewives, 
busines people, students, athletes and 
ordinary street user 

Some druggists and doctors have been 
known to deal these drugs. The proto- 
typ elgood epitomized the abuses 
perpetrated by unscrupulous or careless 
doctors, He allegedly shot up his very 
distinguished clientele with a miraculous 
preparation of vitamins and ampheta 
mines. The folks sure felt better, but 
many became addicts. Some sources 
even said that at least one large Amer- 
ican drug company manufactures am- 
phetamine (or its ingredients) in bulk, 
ships it legally to Mexican factories, 
where its rolled into ls, then smug- 
gled back for illegal use. It seems we 
just can’t get along without the speed 
we learned to love in the Sixties. As а 
Pennwalt sales memo id in 1971: 
“Project Number One. Increased share 
of antiobesity marker. Continuous and 
vigorous marketing of Biphetamine, Bi- 
phe e-T and Ionamin. 

* Panalb: combination of two anti- 
bioties, was introduced and promoted by 
Upjohn, even though it was described by 
Senator Nelson as a “classic case of the 
common practice of creating a new er 
tity with a new trade name, even though 
it served no medical purpose.” The com- 
pound was eventually found to be no 
more effective than a single antibiotic. 
Along the way, it had killed a few people. 

* Chloromycetin, an antibiotic from 


Tm 


au 


ties 


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British 

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Triumph built its first roadster in 
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ананна 

Тор down and nipping along country 
lanes, the roadster perfectly expressed the 
freedom and romance of driving. 

Today. Spitfire holds steadfast to the 
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1976 ROAD к TRACK GUIDE TO SPORTS AND GT CARS 
(WHEEL TRIM RINGS AND STRIPING OPTIONAL.) 


PLAYBOY 


228 


Parke-Davis, was introduced in 1948 and 
promoted as good for a variety of infec- 
tions. Two years later, it was found to 
cause fatal bonemarrow poisoning in 
some patients. Later, it was found to be 
effective against only Rocky Mountain 
spotted fever, typhoid fever and one 
strain of meningitis. All are diseases to 
be treated in the hospital, vet in 1976, 
over half a million prescriptions were 
written for the drug, half of them for 
people not in the hospital, two thirds 
of them for inappropriate discases. 

When Nelson began his longrunning 
commitment to new laws for the drug 
industry, it was due to such eccentricities 
and to related questions. 


Patents: Why should one company 
monopoly for so long? Profit 


have 
Why are they allowed to remain so high 
when only nine or ten percent of the 
топе} ? Promotion: 
Why so many drugs? Why try to шаке 
us all so drug dependent? This cause 
was taken up by Senator Kennedy a few 
years ago. The Drug Regulation Reform 
Act of 1978 would uy to address these 
and other questions. The bill would give 
the Secretary of Health, Educatioi а 
Welfare and the FDA the authority to 
remove suspicious drugs from the market 
without the current lengthy review pr 
cedure. It would require postmarketing 
surveillance of the drugs by their maker 
to spot any possible side effects that 
hadn't been noticed belore—a very im- 
portant point, given past misadventures. 
In addition, the raw data generated. 
while testing the drug (including cli 
trials), which the companies now share 
with the FDA, would finally be available 
to the public, opening the drug com- 
panies to increased competition. The 
measure would not affect the 17-year 
patent monopoly. However, it would r 
quire pharmacies to post prices for their 
brand-name drugs compared with the 
pro clear 
ion with each prescription drug. 
Pharmaceutical Manufacturers” 
Association, the lobbying arm of the in 
dustry, opposes large chunks of th 
The companies claim that disclosing 
their research results would end basic 
research, since competitors would ste 


substitutes and ide 


their hard-carned compound, The patent 
also protects their property rights. They 
contend that the FDA is now so strict 
that there is a “drug lag,” that good 


drugs are in use in Europe that the FDA 
forbids here, and the end of research 
would worsen it. Furthermore, the in- 
dustry claims that it stopped its promo- 
tion abuses voluntarily in 1974 and says 
that developing new drugs must not be 
impeded (provided, one assumes, that 
new ease is discovered to match the 
drug—otherwise, the companies would 
ting the diseases). 


do better ma 


What about promotion today? Prod- 
uct information? Research? Side effect 
The number of necessary drugs? Patents 
us. shorter-term licenses? Profits 

Some detail men report that the 1974 
voluntary restraints have stopped u 
limited distribution of samples to phy 
cians, that now the doctors must request 
the drugs in writing. But Kennedy's in- 
vestigators report that one and a half bil- 
lion pills are still being sampled. And the 
unsolicited sampling goes on, 


ix bottles with you? Fine, sign 
please,’ Or we have the nurse sign.” 
‘The reminder items still abound and 
many doctors write their prescriptions 
with the drug company’s pen. As for 
gimmicks, Senate sleuths report that con- 
tests are out, the number of come-ons is 
down, but the amount spent on PR 
activities has stayed the same propor- 
tionately. And as the FDA and Congress 


re shifting their marketing focus. 
man for one of the top drug 
id, he real 
rketing now is to the pharmacist. 
Somebody's always got a deal, a promo- 
tion, so now we go to the pharmacist and 
say, "Buy these, you can substitute for 
what the doctor orders.’ Then we throw 
n a trunkful of samples. We call it 
trunking. Some guys, especially detailing 
for little companies, will do anything to 
keep butter on the table. 

His comments raise other issues. 
Many states have recently passed Jaws 
allowing pharmacists to substitute ge- 
neric drugs for those brand names the 
doctor prescribes. Trunking could allow 
a more sinister substitution of one brand 
for another, irrespective of possible sub- 
de chemical differences and side effect: 
(Not incidentally, the passage of subst 
tution Jaws, deplored by the companies 
substantial oppor- 
tunity for them in selling their generic 
equivalents.) 

It takes an average of five visits to sell 
a practicing doctor on a brand, To get 
the doctor early, the pharmacen 
makers send their detail men 
pitals to pitch interns and re 
sales representative said, “It’s good. I've 
got real control and PR for my company. 
Those guys don’t know much about 
‚ they've had only six months of 
rm Medical schools. it must 
De said more pharmacology. 

The drug manufacturers’ clout extends 
even to their regulator. the FDA, Under 
current law, when a new drug is de- 
veloped, the manufacturer gets permi 
sion from the FDA to test it. Yes, the 
drug company hires the testers. The 
FDA merely evaluates the summary of 
results and decides whether or not to per- 
mit the selling of the drug. Several prob- 
lems for the eventual patient pertain. It's 


A dei 


often been alleged that the companies 
have lobbied those responsible [or eval- 
uating their products, so that the manu- 
facturers in effect have regulated their 
regulators, Many FDA staffers have left 
the agency to go with drug companies, 
and vice vers: 

Three years ago, an honest FDA 
spector was checking research data on 
a drug called Flagyl marketed by the 
mammoth G. n Searle & Co. The drug 
treated vaginal and urinary-tract infec 
tions and zu been widely prescribed 
since its introduction in 1949. Searle had 
vowed that its research data showed the 
drug was absolutely safe, but the FDA 
investigator dug deeper, smelling а rat. 
She found 38 of them dead of cancer, 
ising serious questions about Flagyls 
toxicity. The inspector reported her sus- 
picions and suddenly was persona non 
grata with her bosses at the ЕРА. who 
seemed most anxious to keep her cancer- 
agent report under wraps, Eventually, 
Kennedy's subcommittee heard the in- 
spector's complaint and an investigati 
was launched. Still, the upper-echelon 
FDA officials refused to ulge what 
Searle had told them—or what the true 
test results were—under a provision of 
the current drug law that that protected 
drugcompany “trade secrets.” There 
have been numerous such research disa 
ters. Remember the near miss with Tha- 
lidomide? 

So pervasive is the interlocking of 
nd regulated that HEW Secre- 
гу Joseph Califano, Jr. once lobbied 
for the Hoffman-LaRoche cause when he 
was a Washington attorney. Califano is 


credited with influencing Congressmen 


to put Valium and Librium on a sepa- 
ate schedule (a list of dangerous sub- 
stances to be controlled by Federal 
regulation) from amphetamines and bar- 
biturates, when the uppers and downe 


were the subject of legislation. Califano 
n his new position would be the one to 
t the new Drug Regulation 


mplemei 
Reform Act if it became геа! 

The pharmaceutical industry has a 
point, though, about the proposed forced 
disclosure of raw test data. That could 
destroy the incentive for innovative re- 
rch by giving the second comer in the 
busin хез tO your w But 
whether it would accentuate the drug 
ssing new products is ques- 
nable as whether o 
ists. It's true that [rom 1971 


not a lag 
to 1976, three times more new drugs were 


introduced in England than in America, 
proof, the companies say, th: 
ulations are already 100 strict, In 
for instance, 63 new drugs were intro- 
duced in America, versus 16 in 1970, bu 
the Sixties marked a great crest of. med- 
1 discoveries. 

The FDA claims there is no drug lag, 
that Americans have the pills they need 
in spades and that as new drugs are 


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PP03 


developed, they will under the law be 
more speedily tested and sold. 

Patents and profits? Expiring patents 
do mean the possibility of slowed profits. 
А lapsed patent frees other manufactur- 
ers to make that particular compound 
and sell it. But usually, the original pro- 
ducer continues to hold the bulk of 
the market—and might if the law speci- 
fied five years instead of the 17 provided 
by patent 


hecause people have devel- 
oped bit for that drug. The loss of 
Librium's patent hasn't hurt Hoffman- 
LaRoche, and when Valium’s is up in 
1980 . .. well, the chairman of Hoffman- 
LaRoche has said, “When it expires, we 
hope to find some way to keep profit- 
able.” It shouldn't be hard. First, there's 
some evidence that the large companies 
price-fix, though drug-company officials 
They will not say, however, how 
prices are set. On the few occasions 
when companies voluntarily allowed Fed- 
eral investigators to examine their books, 
nothing was found—perhaps because the 
companies had ensured that nothing 
would be found. Recently, however, the 
Seventh Circuit Court has ruled that the 
General Accounting Office can inspect 
all of Eli Lilly's books. The result might 
be interesting. The second reason for the 
companies’ astonishing profits is more 
telling. We need drugs. 

The ultimate question is whether or 
not we need as many drugs, in such 
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“Sir Gawaine began to suspect that this lord was the 
Devil, for never had he heard so much wickedness.” 


“And full 
Very full." 
Yet high." 

"Oh, indeed high," 
as he walked backw 
pproach him. 

"But think you that the paps are dis- 
colored?” And now she held herself in 
two hands, so that the pink nipples did 
peek through the white fingers. 

Never discolored," said Gawaine, 
who was now against the arras and could 
retreat no farther. 

"Not brown, then?” 

"Certes," said Sir 
rather of the hue of the Afric orchid. 

“Oh,” said the lady, taking her hands 
away, "but they are cold! Med 
breasts should be warm or, if not, then 
rmed." And before Sir Gawaine knew 
what he did, she had taken his fingers 
and put them onto her bosoms. "Now 
tell me if they are cold." 

"Lady," said Gawaine, "they are qu 
ncar burning." And for a dreadíul mo- 
ment, lie could. not control his fingers, 
and finally it was she who drew Y 
saying haughtilv, "Sir, I did not seek 
kneading. I wished only to know my 
temperature.” 

And Sir Gawaine was chagrined. “Гог: 
give me, lady.” He sighed with great 
feeling. “Now, by my privilege as guest, 


aid Sir Gawaine 
rd, for she contin- 


1 wish to be alone.” Therefore, she van- 
ished, and he fell to praying ardently. 

Now. when the lord returned from 
the forest, he presented to Sir Gawaine 
the flayed hide of a bear, and he said, 
“There you have my day's spoil, and all 
of it. What shall you give me in retur 

And this time Sir Gawaine was ready 
for him, and he was relieved that it was 
not so distasteful a thing as a kiss. “ 
have for you a touch of the chest,” said 
he. “Therefore, if you will remove your 
hauberk and breastplate and raise your 
doublet, I shall give it you.” 

Now, the lord did these things, and 
Sir Gawaine groped at his chest, which 
was covered with a thi mat of hair 
very like that of the bearskin. 

Then the lord began to laugh, for he 
was ticklish, and when Sir Gawaine was 
done, the lord said, “And 
Did I not know you as a truthful knight, 
I should wonder at this. Nor is it ev 
dent as to whose chest was so tickled i 


Gawaine, “is but to give you what I had 
got, and so have I done. 1 am not re- 
quired to explain it." 

"Aha," said the lord, “methinks not 
even a sodomite doth toy with a hairy 
chest, and certes you are anyway not a 
sod. May I then assume it was rather a 


“I think I should tell you, Inspector. 
He's not wearing a mask.” 


woman's full bosom which you fondled: 

“My lord,” said Gawaine, "our agree- 
ment is to be kept to the letter, no more 
and no less.” 

And the lord did laugh mer 
ing, "Well put, my dear sir.” 
‘And now,” said Sir Gawaine, "m: 
ask you to show me to the chapel, for 
there I intend to stay at prayers until 
my appointment with the Green Knight, 
which is now but two mornings away. 

But the lord said, “I'm afraid there 

no chapel at Liberty Castle, good my Sir 
Gawaine. We are pagans here and, fur- 
thermore, we make no apology for so 
being.” 
Gawaine crossed himself. “I should 
have understood that,” said he. “Abso- 
lute liberty is the freedom to be de- 
praved.” 

“But only if you choose to make it 
so,” said the lord. “One can also see it 
as the only situation in which principles 
may be put to the proof. No strength of 
character is needed to stay virtuous un- 
der restraint.” 

“But only God, sir, hath perfect 
strength,” said Gawaine. And he was 
now vexed, and he said, “And how dare 
you, as a paynim, test the virtue of a 
Christian? 

“Because I have no shame!" merrily 
replied the lord. "Which is a Christian 
invention. 

Now, Sir Gawaine began to suspect 
t this lord was the Devil, for never 
1 he heard so much wickedness from 
any man, “Methinks,” said he, “that you 
would weaken me for my encounter with 
the Green Knight.” 

"Well" said the lord, "if you are 
honest, you will admit that it is a ridic- 
ulous thing. A charlatan dyes his skin 
and hair and, dressed in green clothes, 
bursts into Arthur's court to make a pre- 


ly, say- 


yI 


posterous challenge. Would that be 
taken seriously anywhere but at Came- 
lot? Now you are likely to die of this 
buffoonery, and cui bono?” 


or the 


re not a 
Gawaine. “But to keep 
my oath, I should gò to hell. And me: 
thinks I have done so in coming here.” 
But the lord did make much mirth, 
“It is so only if you choose to make it 
such, 1 say again,” said he, “the which 
an be said of any other place on earth, 
but especially of your Н . But 
enough of this colloquy! And pray, never 
believe that I do not admire you withal.” 
Despite such Hattery,” said Sir 
е, “I shall leave you now.” 
id the lord, "you well may 
leave me, but the one freedom not avail- 
able at Liberty Castle is to leave it be- 
fore the proper time hath come; 
And Gawaine found that what he had. 
said was true, for when he sought to go 
out the main gate, he was arrested. by a 
strange unseen force and could move 
only in the direction of the castle be- 
hind him. Therefore, willy-nilly, he 


stayed that night, and the next morning 
the lord came to him again with the 
familiar proposal. 
“Do I have a choice?” asked Gawaine. 
And the lord answered, “Well, it is 
the last timc." And promising to cx- 
change with his guest what they each 


had come into possession of during the 
day, he went ahunting in the forest. 


Now, Gawaine determined no longer 
to wait passively for the lady to seek him 
out, for he knew that she would do so, 
according to the pattern of the previous 
days; and all things in heaven and on 
earth come in threes, and only the tri- 
pod is ever stable even though its legs 
be of unequal lengths. Therefore, taking 
the virile initiative, he did go in search 
of her, and you may be sure he was not 
long in finding her, for her sole purpose 
was to try his virtue (to which end all 
women, even the chaste, are dedicated), 
and thus all corridors at Liberty Castle 
soon led to the most private of her cham- 
bers, the walls of which were lined with 
quilted velvet of pink, the which color 
deepened and darkened as he penetrat- 
ed the room, and the couch on which 
she lay was of magenta. But her body for 
once was fully covered, in a robe of the 
richest dark red and of many folds and 
trimmed with the sleek fur of the otter. 

Good day to you, sir knight," said 
she. "And for what have you come to 
те?” 

“To offer my services,” said Sir Ga- 
waine, “the which you have previously 
required each day at just this time.” 

Of that I have no тетот said the 
lady sternly. “And can your purpose be 
decent, so to seek me out when my hus- 
band is away?” And crying, “Villainy!” 
she did clap her hands, and soon a brace 
of huge knights, armed cap-a-pie, burst 
into the chamber through a secret door 
and made at Sir Gawaine. 

Now, Gawaine understood that he 
had been tricked and mostly by himself, 
for he had come here voluntarily and un- 
armored and unweaponed. But being 
the truest of knights, what he feared was 
not the death that he might well be dealt 
here (for he expected to be killed on the 
morrow by the Green Knight, and we 
each of us owe God but one life) but, 
rather, that if he were not alive to meet 
appointment with the verdant 
he would cause great shame to be 
brought upon the Round Table, for 
death were never a good excuse for 
breaking a pledge. 

Therefore, he seized a tall candlestick 
of heavy bronze, and he swung its weight- 
ed base with such force that the flange 
not only split the helm of the first knight 
to reach but also cracked his skull 
to the very brainpan, and his wits 
spewed out through his ears, Now taking 
the halberd that this man dropped, Sir 
Gawaine brought it up from the floor 
just as the other knight came at him, 


and he cut him from the crotch to the 
wishbone, and his guts hung out like 
ropes. 

“Well,” said the lady when this short 
fight was done, “do not suppose you have 
me at your mercy.” And she found a 
dagger within her clothes and leaping 
at Sir Gawaine, she sought to do him 
grievous injury. 

But though the protector of women, 
Gawaine saw no obligation to suffer be- 
ing assailed by a female to whom he had 
offered no rm. Therefore, he seized 
the dagger from her, and then, because 
she next tried to claw him with the sharp 
nails of her fingers, he restrained her 
hands behind her waist. 

But hooking her toe behind his ankle, 
the lady tripped him up, so that he fell 
onto the couch, and she was underneath 
him. 

“Lady,” he said, “I would not hurt 

you for all the world.” 
‘Then release my hands, so that I 
might feel whether I have broken any- 
thing,” said she. And he did so, but 
when her fingers were free, she used 
them rather to bare her thighs, the 
which she then spread on either side of 
him. And whilst he was stunned with 
amazement at her strange behavior, she 
lifted his own robe to the waist, saying, 
“J fear I may have smote your belly with 
my knee, and I would soothe your 
bruises.” And then she went to that part 
and further with her white fingers. 

“Lady,” said Gawaine, “I assure you 
that I am not sore.” 


“Yet you have a swelling,” said she, 
and she did forthwith apply a poultice 
to him. 

And to horror, Sir Gawaine dis- 
covered that his strength of will was as 
nothing in this circumstance, and there- 
fore he must needs submit to this lady 
altogether. But this was a defeat which 
it was the more easy to accept with every 
passing instant, and before many had 
gone by, he had quite forgot why he had 
resisted so long, in the service of a mere 
idea, for such is the eloquence with 
which the flesh first speaketh to him who 
ceases to withstand temptation, God 
save him. 

But when the lady was done with him, 
and they lay resting, he knew great 
shame, and this grew even worse when 
he remembered he had agreed to с» 
change the spoils of the day with the 
lord of the castle. 

Therefore, when the lord returned 
from his hunting and presented to Sir 
Gawaine a splendid rack of antlers from 
a stag, and asked in exchange whatever 
Gawaine had got, his guest did prevari- 
cate and say he had spent all day in 
prayer and therefore could give the lord 
only the peace he had thereby obtained. 

“1 am prevented by the laws of hos- 
pitality,” said his host, “from impugning 
the veracity of a knight to whom I am 
giving shelter. Yer it seems remarkable 
to me that you have got no more tan- 
gible rewards during a day at Liberty 
Castle.” 

“Well,” said Gawaine, “I cannot call 


“If eight promiscuous girls spent 
the night with two boys, and one boy had three 
times as many girls as the other... .” 


233 


PLAYBOY 


234 


it a reward when I am attacked by two 
of your armed men. Should you like me 
to assail you with a halberd and a mace?" 

Hardly,” said the lord, but he smiled. 
“Yet you appear whole, whereas I passed 
their bodies being hauled away in a cart.” 

“My lord,” said Sir Gawaine, “on the 
morrow I meet the Green Knight, and 
though I thank you for your hospitality, 
I shall be relieved to have it come to an 
end, for between us there is no common 
language.” 

‘And зо he retired for the night. When 
he awoke, he went to find the lord for to 
tell him everything that had happened 
on the previous day. But nowhere could 


he find him throughout the castle, nor, 
indeed, did he see the lady or anyone 
else, nor the scented pleasure chambers. 
In fact, the entire castle was but a ruin 
and covered in years of moss and vines, 
and it was apparent that no one had 
inhabited it since the days of the giants 
who lived in Britain before the first men 
came there after the fall of Troy. 

Thus, it was in sadness that Sir Ga- 
wainc rode to seek the Green Knight, for 
he realized that the last three days of his 
life had been spent in some magical test 
at which he had proved himself untrust- 
worthy, mendacious and adulterous. 

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valley where a green chapel stood, and 
before it was tethered a green-colored 
stallion. And when he dismounted and 
went within, he saw the same huge green 
knight who had come to Camelot one 
year before. 

“Sir Gawaine,” said the Green Knight, 
brandishing his great green battles 
“are you prepared to keep our bargain? 
I have come here only for that rea- 
son,” said Gawaine, removing his helm 
and baring his neck. “And I would fain 
have you get it over with quickly.” 

“Why for?" cried the green man. “Who 
rushes to his death? 

“Our bargain, sir,” said Gawaine, “will 
be completed when you strike off my 
head. There is no provision in it for 
argument.” 

“1 am no quotidian headsman," s: 
the Green Knight, “and I do not crop 
necks for profit nor pleasure. Tell me 
why you are in haste to lose your self, the 
which is truly the only thing a man pos- 
sesseth, if but temporarily.” 

"I am not pleased with mine,” said 
Gawaine. "I have not done well. I е 
ately broken a vow and lied.” 

"Which is no more than to say, you 
have been a said the Green 
Knight, and in a jovial voice. “And, with 
only these failings, are better than most." 

"And worse," said Gawaine, “1 have 
adulterated with the wife of my host.” 
And with a groan, he threw himself onto 
the stones of the floor of the chapel, so 
that the Green Knight could chop oft 
his head. 

"Sir Gawaine,” said the Green Knight, 
raising his ax high over his head, "you 
are the most humane of all the company 
of the Round Table, and therefore, un. 
like the others, you are never immodest 
To be greater than you is to be tragic; 
to be less, farcical.” 

And with a great rush of air, he 
brought the ax down onto Gawaine's 
bare neck and the blade struck the stones 
with a great clangor, and red sparks 
sputtered in the air. 

But Gawaine was still sensible, and he 
flexed his shoulders and stretched his 
neck, and then he felt with his hands 
that his head was yet in place. 

"Therefore, he sprang to his feet and 
drew his sword. “Well, sir,” he said, “you 
have had your one blow. I am not to be 
held at fault if you missed me! Then 
have at you?" 

But the Green Knight threw down his 
ax and laughed most merrily. "Feel your 
neck,” said he, "and you will find that 
you have been wounded slightly.” 

And Gaw: directed, and 
there was a slight cut in the skin, the 
which bled onto his fingers. 

“That is your punishment,” said the 
Green Knight. "You are no adulterer, 
dear sir, for that was no one's wife 
but, rather, the Lady of the Lake. You 
did, however, break your pledge to the 
lord of Liberty Castle, did 


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236 


prevaricate. But had you told me the full 
and literal truth and fulfilled to the letter 
the terms of your agreement, you would 
have been obliged to use the lord as you 
did the lady. 
said Sir Gawaine, and having 

escaped the death for which he had bee 
prepared, he felt a unique joy, though 
his demeanor remained sober. “But I had 
done better to explain that at the time.” 
“Indeed,” said the Green Knight. 
“And therefore, your slight wound. But 
in the large, you performed well: A 
knight does better to break his word 
than, keepin 


to behave unnaturally 
And a liar, sir, is preferable to a monster. 
“Then can it be said, think you,” asked 
ir Gawaine, “that sometimes justice is 
better served by a lie than by the ab- 
solute and literal truth: 

"That may, indeed, be so," said the 
Green Knight, "when trafficking with 
humanity, but 1 should. not think that 
God can be ever deluded.” 

Then Sir Gawaine knelt to pray, and 
when he rose, he saw th the Green 
Knight had lost his greenness and had 
dwindled in size and, in fact, was no 
longer а man but a woman, and she was 
the Lady of the Lake. 

“My dear Gawaine,” said she, “do not 
hide thy face. Thou hast done nothing 
for which to be ashamed 

“Lady,” said Sir Gawaine, “ "tis not all 
of it shame. I confess that I am vexed 
that once again you have chosen to gull 
me. Rem 


aber that on the first occasion. 
1 did seemingly kill a woman and now I 
apparently made love to amother. Yet 
ach of them w nd both events 
were delusion 
"And from neither have you come 
away without some reward,” said the 
Lady of the Lake, who in her true ap- 
а еп more beautiful than 

n any of her gu nd would you 
at each time the woman had 


s you 


лау!" cried Gawaine, "But I 
natural addiction to 
п must invariably be the cause of 
my difficulties. Methinks 1 was happier 
as the lecher of old. I have since been 
only miserable. And, for that matter, 
what service did I render to Elaine of 
Astolat, whom I did love without carnal- 
ity? Better I had made to her lewd 
advances, the rejection of which would 
not have altered her fate but would have 
freed me!” 

“Why,” asked the Lady of the Lake, 
“didst thou assume thy overtures would 
have been rejecte vaine, thou wert 
ded to be a prude.” 

And so having made her favorite 
knight the more puzzled, the Lady of the 
Ке did void that place in the form of a 
golden gossamer, the which floated from 
the door of the chapel and rose high into 
the soft air without. 


“No, my 
might ask why m 


wom 


never comma 


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PLAYBOY 


238 


GIRLS OF THE PAC ID 


(continued from page 146) 


“Berkeley’s ambience hasn't changed that much—it’s 
still intense, intellectual, highly political.” 


in large quantities: nonetheless, he was 
somewhat overwhelmed by the number 
of lovelies he found out West, so three 
more photographers—Pompeo Posar, 
Arny Freytag and Nicholas DeSciose— 
were dispatched to help David handle 
the flow. To make matters worse (or 
better, depending on your point of 
view), two new schools—the University of 
Arizona and Arizona State University— 
joined the Pac 8 conference last winter, 
making it the Pac 10, which sent Chan 
hurrying off to Tucson and Tempe for 
more int To make a long story 
short, we simply found too many gor- 
geous coeds for just one feature, so we 
decided to break it up into two parts— 
we'll handle five schools this month and 
the other five next month. Waste not, 
want not. 

The universities of Oregon, Wa 
ton and California at Berkeley, UCLA 
and Arizona State are the schools repre- 
sented in this issue. In case the following 


pages motivate you to follow the advice 
attributed to Horace Greeley, here's a 
capsule summary of what you can expect 
оп each campus. 

+ The University of Washington refers 
to its teams as the Huskies, which is no 
reflection on the average size of its coeds. 
Founded in 1861, Washington averages 
an enrollment of 20,800 men and 16,300 
women. Its 680-acre campus, notable for 
its brick Gothicstyle buildings, is located 
on the shores of lakes Union and Wash- 
ington, only 15 minutes from downtown 

tle by car. It takes a bit longer by 
boat, but it's not uncommon for Husky 
rooters to avoid football. game traffic j: 
by sailing across the lake and docking 
next to the stadium. Students may live 
оп or off campus and there are seven 
coed dorms housing up to 4000 students. 

* It rains a lot in western Oregon, 
which is why University of Oregon stu- 
dents refer to their teams as the Ducks. 
Although there are lots of dorms, fra- 


“Take it off! Take it off!” 


ternities, sororities and co-ops, the m 
jority of the student body now lives in 
offcampus apartments. The boy-girl ra- 
tio here is quite good—9000 males, 7700 
females, and many of them congregate in 
Duffy's and Taylor's, near-campus hang- 
outs. Eugene's proximity to lakes, rivers, 
mountains and ocean affords plenty 
of romantic hidea as well as sites for 
picnics (with or without food). When 
the sun comes out, everybody turns out. 

+ The University of Californ 
ley is probably best known for haying 
given birth to the radical movement of 
the Sixties. You remember—frce speech, 
free sex; and the campus ambience 
hasn't changed that much— it's still i 
tense, intellectual and highly pol 
Sproul Plaza, former site of student riots 
and the People's Park, is the most. pop- 
ular spot for casual encounters— Frisbee 
throwing, carnival acts and an occasional 
political rally, The favorite bar is The 
Come Back Inn, right off Telegraph 
Avenue. Housing accommodations are 
varied—14 residence halls, privately op- 
erated co-ops and apartments, 13 soroi 
ties and 33 frats—and the ratio is 17,000. 
guys to 11,000 gals. The campus is just 
across the bay from San Francisco, which 
is, of course, chock-full of diversion, 

+ When it comes to diversion, you 
can't beat Los Angeles, and the UCLA 
campus in the Westwood area is just а 
short hop from the ocean, the moun- 
ns—and Hollywood. The unofficial 
UCLA beach is Temescal Canyon at 
Will Rogers Beach State Park—skinny- 
dipping is a popular indulgence there. 
Hangouts include Dillons, a disco; 
Casey's; The Coffee House, a folk club; 
and the Sunset Canyon Recreation Cen- 
ter, which features an Olympic-sized pool 
and plenty of space for barbecues. The 
ng campus mood is relaxed and 
Westwood has plenty of stu- 
bars, clothing stores and movie 
ZLA of- 
fers one of the best film-study courses in 
the country and many of its graduates go 
on to become involved the movie 
industry. Ratio: 15,100 men to 12,800 
women, 

+ Located in Tempe, right outside 
Phoenix, Arizona State University boasts 
11 dormitories; many students also live 
in the apartment complexes located in 
an area known as Sin City because of 
the boozy parties that dominate the 


dent 
theater 


рор- 
me activity. Ratio: 19,200 men, 


16,100 women, If you're really interested 
in getting a deep, dark tan all year 
round, this is the place for you. 

Well, that covers this month's install- 
ment—tune in again next month for 
further adventures of Girls of the Pac 10. 


ара, Tyee Lake, British Columbia, Canada 
: i 


Canada at its best. © 


Enjoy the light, smooth whisky that's becoming America's favorite Canadian. 
Imported Canadian Miste 


IMPORTED BY BROWN-FORMAN DISTILLERS IMPORT COMPANY, N.Y., N.Y., CANADIAN WHISKY—A BLEND, 80 OR 86.8 PROOF, © 1977. 


239 


240 


PLAYBOY POTPOURRI 


people, places, objects and events of interest or amusement 


NEW YORK CUTUPS 

If you're going to be spending this 

autumn in New York and want to attend an 
event that's a cut above the average, you 

might stop by the first annual New York Custom. 
Knifemakers Show to be held October 7 

and 8 at the New York Sheraton Hotel on 56th: 
Street. There'll be hunters’ knives, bowie knives, 
fishing knives, even pocketknives for sale at 
various prices. And if you should meet 

a mugger on the way home and he wants to see 
what you've got in your package—show him! 


AS TIME ROLLS BY 
You've never seen anything like it: a multiramped, ten-inch-high 
black-walnut clock that tells time via gravity, balance and motion. 
All you do is level the base, set the brass-plated balls, 
plug in the clock and watch time roll by. Idle Tyme, P.O. 


Box 117, Sextonville, Wisconsin 53584, is manufacturing it for $265, 
postpaid. Oh, yes, the time pictured here is 10:44. Get it? 


BEAUTY THAT’S ONLY SKIN-DEEP 
Tattoos can be a turn-on—especially when 
they're strategically located on the female 
anatomy. But your particular lady may not wish 
to have her bod become a permanent art 

show. If that's the case, check with Tatoos 

by Joyce, P.O. Box 13134, Phoenix, Arizona 
85002. They're offering packets of semi- 
permanent stick-on tattoos—including roses, 
rainbows, butterflies—for $5, postpaid. Remov- 
ing them with cold cream can also be lots of fun. 


MODELED AFTER THE FRENCH 
The best French model we've seen in years is a 1000-part, two- 
foot-long, 1:8 scale copy of the famous 1951 Citroën 15 that 
was once favored by Parisian gangsters. Sinclair's Auto Miniatures 
at 3831 West 12th Street, Erie, Pennsylvania 16505, sells the kit 
for $139.95, postpaid, and we ought to warn you that assem- 
bling it isn't child's play. There are tiny torsion bars. universal 
joints, a motor—garcon, two aperitifs; we're tired already. 


SWEEP STAKE 
Remember what fun the chimney sweeps 
in Mary Poppins had up there on the roof- 
tops of London? What they were so 
happy about was all the money they made 
cleaning flues. If you've ever wanted to 
be a sweep, August West Systems, P.O. Box 
663, Westport, Connecticut 06880, offers 
2 brochure on the subject. And if you go 
into the biz, they'll sell you a $1385 kit 
that even includes a top hat. Being 
a magician is cleaner work, of course. 


SOUNDS, BY JUPITER! 
Jupiter is famous for something other than 
being our largest planet; it’s also a nat- 
ural radio transmitter with an output of 
over ten billion watts. Shields Products, 
1104 Prospect Avenue, Cleveland, Ohio 
44115, is selling a cassette of those 
signals—which resemble a rushing surf— 
for $6.95, postpaid. Next time you can't 
sleep, pop it into your tape deck and listen 
to sounds from 390,000,000 miles 
away. Stick that in your ear, Mr, Spock! 


PASS THE PIECE PIPE 
A few years ago, the Wigwam. 
Village Motel, at 2728 West 
Foothill Boulevard, in Rialto, 
California, was known for its 
cute tepeeshaped motel units. 
But with all the X-rated motels 
and hotels cropping up in the 
area, kinky couples were taking 
a pass on the Wigwam. As busi- 
ness dropped off, the Wigwam. 
lost its reservation about offering 
more erotic delights and now 
for the brave, it has installed X- 
rated closed-circuit TV, queen- 
sized water beds and even mirrors 
on some slanted tepee walls. 
Rates are $35 for all night on a 
water bed or $23 for four 
daylight hours with no questions 
asked. Should you still not get 
the message when driving by, the 
Wigwam's marquee reminds you 
to Do ІТ IN A TEEPEE, Business 
is heap good, Kemosabe. 


FLAT HAT 


Fatheads, pinheads and anyone 
else with a head on his shoulders 
can wear a crazy new one- 
sizefits-all leather cap being 
offered by Adam York, Dept. 
755, Hanover, Pennsyl- 

vania 17331, for $20.50, post- 
paid. The cap collapses flat for 
packing, but put it on your 

head and the spiraled strips of 
14" thick leather open up to 
provide you with an air-condi- 
tioned chapeau. So what if 

your friends think you're wearing 
one of those rooftop turbine 
attic ventilators? 


FRANK NOTES 
Ole Blue Eyes not only has the 
world on a string, he also has a 
very hip fan club called the 
Frank Sinatra Society of America 
that’s comprised of admirers, 
well-wishers and serious collectors 
who all agree that the skinny 
kid from Hoboken who used to 
leave them fainting in the 
aisles has grown up to be the 
greatest vocalist of modern 
times. Seven dollars sent to the 
Sinatra Society of America, 
P.O. Box 10512, Dallas, Texas 
75207, will get you a year's 
membership, which includes a 
22-0.26-page bimonthly news- 
letter stuffed with articles, miscel- 
Janeous info and classified ads 
for old Sinatra recordings. Next 
spring, they're even planning a 
conyention—in Vegas, of course. 


241 


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(continued from page 174) 
Blackledge must also contend with a lack 
of squad depth and experience, as will 
new Michigan coach Mike Stock. 

The stock of talent at Toledo has 
fallen off drastically since the glory years 
of 1969-1971. Coach Chuck Stobart has 
put this year's best upperclassmen on 
the defensive unit and will let the left- 
overs and freshmen play offense. For- 
tunately, the recruits are bigger, faster 
and more talented than their elders. 

Ohio University’s only strength last 
season was a good passing attack, but the 
quarterback, Andy Vetter, graduated. 
Spring practice turned up a replacement 
in the person of former wide receiver 
Nigel Turpin. This will be a rebuilding 
year in Athens. 

Few football teams have ever suffered 
such graduation loses as did Notre 
Dame. The defensive line was nearly 
wiped out and the replacements are but 
a shadow of the late departed. Fortunate- 
ly, the linebacking will be superb— 
Playboy All-America Bob Golic could be 
All-World, and Steve Heimkreiter is а 
close second. 

The Irish offense will still be potent. 
Joe Montana, who looks dreadful 
practice but great i 
be the quarterback. 
Vagas Ferguson will give the Trish a 
high-powered running game and the 
offensive line will again be one of the na- 
tion's best. Young giant tackle Tim 
Foley, only а junior, already has the pro 
scouts drooling and Playboy All-America 
Dave Huffman could be the first center 
in many years to be a firstround draft 
choice, Huflman’s little brother Tim 
could become a standoutst guard. 

If the defensive unit can be patched, 
the Trish will again have a successful sea- 
son. But don't expect another national 
championship. 


disappointing °77 season 
rilv the result o an incon- 


im 


perienced quarterback Ton! 
That problem has cured 
swarm of promising recruits has joined 
the squad. Lineman Farley Bell, a wans- 
fer from Ohio State, will bolster an 
already solid defense. 

Loutsville coach Vince Gibson, build- 
ing a former gridiron patsy into a power, 
promises his team will throw the ball a 
lot this year—which means quarterback 
Stu Stram ll face a challenge from 
strong-armed soph Terry Mullins. 

б 

Alabama is our choice to win the па- 
tional championship. Most of the squad 
that demolished Ohio State 35-6 in the 
Sugar Bowl has returned and faces a 
schedule (Southern California, Washing- 
ion, Nebraska and Missouri, plus the 
usual conference opponents) that is per- 
fect for proving the Tide's prowess. Best 


"It's the kind of trade you get at an all-night supermarket, kid.” 


PLAYBOY 


244 


of all, eight games will be played on 
home turf. Winning teams usually have 
both good defense and good kicking, and 
those are Alabama's strong points. Eight 
starters return from a defense that be- 
came very salty late in the 1977 season. 
Playboy All-America Barry Krauss heads 
the nation’s finest linebacking corps. 
Nose guard Byron Braggs is good enough 
to become an All-America in his sopho- 
more year. Quarterback Jeff Rutledge 
and halfback Tony Nathan will give the 
attack plenty of punch. The Tide's only 
foreseeable weakness is an offensive line 
that—at least in the beginning of the 
season—will be young and green. 

If Alabama falters, LSU is the team 
most likely to usurp the Southeastern 
Conference laurels. This should be the 
best Tiger squad since 1969, with 43 
of 57 lettermen returning, including 
Playboy All-America Charles Alexander, 
the nation’s premier runner. Coach 
Charlie McClendon will try to generate 
a viable passing game to keep opposing 
defenses from keying on the Bengal run- 
ners. There is a plethora of quarterback 
talent in camp, but the receivers are only 
average. Fortunately, they'll enjoy the 
protection of an offensive line that some 
pro teams would envy. 

Like a lot of football teams, Mi: 
sippi State had trouble with the wish- 
bone attack last year, and the Bulldogs 
pleasing prospects were never realized. 
Now coach Bob Tyler has (like a lot of 
other teams) switched to the pro set. 
The quarterback will likely be Dave 
Marler, a kicking specialist last year. He 
will throw to one of the finest groups of 
receivers in the land. Since the defense 
will also be much improved, look for the 
Bulldogs to realize the success that 
eluded them last year. 

Kentucky's graduation losses were se- 
vere and the recruiting season was a 
disappointment, so don't expect the 
Wildcats to duplicate last years 10-1 
record. Since the new quarterback, Mike 
is a pure passer, coach Fran 
rci has installed an -oriented of- 
omething he calls "the smorgas- 
Good offensive lines have been a 
major part of Kentucky's success the past 
two years, and most of the big studs 
return. The defense is bulwarked by a 
pair of linebackers, Playboy All-America 
Jim Kovach and Kelly Kirchbaum. They 
could both be number-one draft choices 
next May if Kovach weren't heading for 
medical school. 

Look for Auburn to break its three- 
year slump and emerge with a winning 
record. Fourteen starters return, the kick- 
ing game will be sound and a flock of 
promising freshman runners will rein- 
force an already good ground attack, If 
the thin offensive line gives him ade- 
quate blocking, William Andrews will be 
one of the most impressive fullbacks in 
the country. 

New Mi: 


ippi coach Steve Sloan 


must find a starting q 
remedy an inconsistent offense. Bobby 
Garner was the prime quarterback candi- 
date in spring drills. If he doesn't master 
the job, Roy Coleman, a receiver last 
year, or H-kt. freshman John Fourcade 
will likely get the call. Jf one of them 
works out, the Rebs could be dangerous 
when they have the ball, because tailback 
Freddie Williams will provide a sizzling 
ground attack. 

Florida’s best hopes for a better season 
are a vastly improved pass defense (last 


THE SOUTH 


SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE 
Alabama 10-1 Mississippi 
LSU 9-2 Florida 

Georgia 
83 Tennessee 
8-3 Vanderbilt 


Mississippi 
State 

Kentucky 

Auburn 


ATLANTIC COAST CONFERENCE 


Maryland 92 Duke 
North Carolina 9-2 Virginia 
Clemson 9-2 Wake Forest 
North Carolina 

State 65 


INDEPENDENTS 
3-3 Southern _ 
65 _ Mississippi 
Virginia Tech 6-5 
East Carolira 74 
5-5 William & Mary 7-4 
South Carolina 4-7 Richmond 4—7 


TOP PLAYERS: Krauss, Rutledge, Nathan, 
Bunch (Alabama); Alexander, Dugas (LSU); 
Molden, G. Jackson (Mississippi State); Ko- 
vach, Jaffe (Kentucky); Andrews, Burrow, 
Smith (Auburn); F. Williams, J. Miller (Mis- 
sissippi); S. Brantley (Florida); Pyburn, 
McClendon (Georgia); Streater, Shaw (Ten- 
nessee); E. Smith, Mordica, Cox (Vander- 
bilt); Atkins, C. Johnson (Maryland); Sheets, 
Salzano, Lawrence (North Carolina); Butler, 
Fuller, Bostic (Clemson); Brown, Ritcher 
(North Carolina State); Dunn, McGee (Duke); 
Henderson (Virginia); McDougald (Wake For- 
est); Ivery, Harris (Georgia Tech); W. Jones, 
Simmons (Florida State); Gray, Patterson 
(Memphis State); Hontas, Browner (Tulane); 
D. Smith, Anderson (Miami); Sanford, Run- 
ager (South Carolina); Fitzgerald (Virginia 
Tech); Hicks, Valentine (East Carolina); Ro- 
zentz, Johnson (William & Mary); Nixon 
(Richmond). 


Georgia Tech 
Florida State 
Memphis State 
Tulane 

Miami 


6-5 


year it was the worst outside the Pop 
Warner leagues) and some running 
backs who have learned to hold on to 
the ball. Unfortunately, only two offen- 
sive starters escaped graduation. The en- 
tire starting backfield will likely be made 
up of sophomores. 

This will be a rebuilding year 
Georgia, following the first losing ca 
paign ever under the 14-year tutelage of 
coach Vince Dooley. If the Bulldogs can 
abandon their penchant for fumbling, 
the offense will be much improved, large- 
ly because of quarterback Jeff Pyburn's 
healed knee. Willie McClendon could 
blossom into one of the country's better 
runners in his senior year. The defense, 
though, must undergo a masive recon- 
struction job after losing eight "77 start- 


ers. Much will depend on how quickly 
the young attack crew masters the newly 
installed I formation. 

Tennessee coach Johnny Majors is still 
toiling at his massive rebuilding job. 
Not much progress will be evident this 
season, because the talent stock pile 
still depleted from several lean recruit- 
ing years. The good news is that this 
spring's crop of rookies is one of the best 
in the nation. Unfortunately, not even 
Majors can win many games with a 
freshman-dominated team. One bright 
spot on the Vol horizon is the emergence 
of Jimmy Streater as an outstanding 
quarterback. He has a couple of excellent 


Arbo, but the running game will be in- 


different unless some of the hotshot 
freshmen bloom early. 

Vanderbilt coach Fred Pancoast has 
survived a winter siege by a pack of 
howling alumni and continues his toils 
to bring the Commodores back to grid- 
iron respectability. "This should be a 
much improved team, with a solid group 
of veterans reinforced by two consecu- 
tive crops of promising recruits, If a 
quality quarterback can be found (soph 
Van He showed flashes of brilliance 
in spring drills), freshman receiver Wa- 
mon Buggs could be a sensation in his 
rookie year. The best news is that the 
offensive line—the bane of the team's 
existence the past two years—will be 
much abler. Incoming freshman Ken 
Hammond will add welcome beef to the 
defensive line. 

There will be a three-team brawl for 
the Atlantic Coast Conference champion- 
Clemson has the easiest schedule, 
land has a wealth of experienced 
ers (thanks to a plague of inju 
last fall) and North Carolina consid 
ably upgraded its coaching level by hir- 
ing Dick Crum. 

We suspect Maryland will have the 
inside track if coach Jerry Claiborne can 
construct a respectable passing attack 
pre-season drills. Quarterback Mike Tice 
may be part of the answer—he's 67”, 222 
pounds, smart and can throw the ball 
through a brick wall. Tailback Steve 
Atkins could be spectacular, if he can 
stay healthy. 

A possible impediment to the North 
Carolina team’s success is its new veer 
offense. The Tar Heels have been run- 
ning out of the I for the past 1] years, 
id the veer is often difficult to ter 
single scason—leading to bloopers, 
But Crum is 
terial on 
hand—especial ngerous Amos Law- 
rence at running back—is well suited to 
the new attack. If things go wrong on 
offense, the again-powerful defenders 
(led by Playboy All-America lineman 
Ken Sheets) will hold off the enemy 
while freshman place kicker Jeff Hayes 
boots field goals. 

With quarterback Steve Fuller and 


in 
fumbles and miscues. 
a superb coach and the ma 


Playboy All-America receiver Jerry But- 
ler, Clemson should have the best passing 
combo in the land. A 230-pound full- 
back, Marvin Sims, was found in spring 
tice to divert pressure from the air 
attack, and the defense appears to be 
improved. The Tigers have a mental 
edge, too—they want to prove last sea- 
son’s surprising success was no fluke and 
to erase the embarrassment of the drub- 
bing they took from Pittsburgh in the 
Gator Bowl. 

North Carolina State will again be an 
explosive team. The TNT will be pro- 
vided by runner Ted Brown, who will 
have the benefit of the best offensive line 
of his career. New quarterback Scott 
Smith seems more than capable, but 
there will be some depth problems on 
the defensive platoon. If mammoth tack- 
le Bubba Green is healthy, he could be 
a one-man defensive linc. 

Duke coach Mike McGee had а pro- 
ductive recruiting year at the defensive 
line and secondary positions, where he 
needed help most. Freshman linemen 
Mike Meads and Charles Bowser could 
be immediate starters. With the best pair 
of linebackers in the league (Carl McGee 
and Bill King), the Blue Devil defense 
will be much stronger than the porous 
‘77 unit. If the tailback position can be 
strengthened (Stanley Broadie has been 
switched from fullback) to take the pres- 
sure off quarterback Mike Dunn, look for 


pra 


Dunn to haye a spectacular senior year. 

Virginia may be the most improved 
team in the country, but that could still 
leave the Cavaliers a long way to go. 
Although 17 starters return, the squad 
will be dominated by sophomores and 
freshmen. Perennially short of talent, the 
Cavaliers now have a modicum of depth, 
including four capable quarterbacks. 
Mickey Spady, last year’s return special- 
ist, looks like the best. 

Wake Forest has the weakest team and 
the strongest schedule in the conference. 
James McDougald is one of the premier 
runners in the country, but he won't 
have much help. New coach John 
Mackovic promises a wide-open aerial 
game built around new starting quar- 
terback Ken Daly. Fortunately, the Di 
cons have a good injection of junior 
college talent 

Georgia Tech coach Pepper Rodgers 
has abandoned the wishbone attack for 
the I formation in order to soup up the 
Jackets’ passing game. The running, with 
Eddie Lee Ivery and Rodney Lee, will 
again be top-grade, but Rodgers was still 
looking for a quarterback going into 
prescason drills There are many vet- 
erans in camp, especially on the offensive. 
unit. Ergo, if the system change works, 
this could be the best season for Tech 
in many years. 

Florida State's most serious loss is the 
surprise element. The Seminoles bush- 


whacked a number of supposedly supc- 
rior teams last season and the victims 
are now thirsty for revenge. Last ycar's 
breakaway running threat will be miss- 
ing and the schedule will be strength- 
ened with the addition of Houston and 
Pittsburgh. 

Memphis State also faces a toughened 
schedule, but at least the Tigers have 
one of the country's better aerial tan- 
dems in quarterback Lloyd Patterson and 
receiver Ernest Gray. Last year's fresh- 
man fullback sensation, Richard Locke, 
should be even better this time. 

Tulane will be one of the nation's 
most improved teams, but. the schedule 
would be more suitable for Notre Dame 
(whence cometh, incidentally, this year's 
transfer fullback, Willard Browner). 
The Green Wave is much deeper. the 
offensive line will play together as a unit 
for the third consecutive year, the b: 
field is speedier than ever and the quar- 
terback position is three deep. Passer 
Roch Hontas and receiver Alton Alexis 
should give the Greenies their best pass 
ing attack in memory. 

Poor quarterbacking and a limp offen. 
sive line will once again be the Miami 
team's major weaknesses. The future is 
bright, however, because coach Lou 
Saban has recruited perhaps the finest 
group of freshmen in the school’s history 
Most of the rookies will likely see much 
action in their first year. After they get 


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to smoothit, to make it 
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the vodka the Russians 
wish they'd invented. 


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245 


settled in their positions, the Hurricanes 
could cause opponents much trouble. 
Best of the newcomers are middle guard 
defensive back 


South Carolina has two choice transfer 
players (quarterback Skip Ramsey from 
AL and ойе tackle George 
Schechterly from Penn State) to beet up 
the team's two weakest areas. Fortunate- 
lv, a good set of runners (best of whom 
is George Rogers) is available. Unless 
the offense jells, the Gamecocks will have 
to depend on sterling punter Max Run- 
ager to keep the enemy at bay. 

Southern Mississippi could continue 

its 1977 proclivity for pulling off stun- 
ning upsets, because this year’s squad is a 
collection of no-names (all the stars hay- 
ing graduated), and such teams have that 
lean and hungry look that makes them 
ngerous. 
New Virginia Tech coach Bill Dooley 
lucked out by inheriting 35 of last sea- 
son's top 44 players, including 244-pound 
fullback Mickey Fitzgerald (known col- 
loquially as "the incredible hulk"). The 
team must master the new I formation, 
however, and the schedule is the tough- 
est in Tech history. 

East Carolina has three of the finest 
players in the South, runner Eddie 
ks, defensive end Zack Valentine and 
safety Gerald Hall The other front- 
liners are pretty good, too, but there is 
little depth anywhere and injuries could 
determine the scason's results. 

If William & Mary can avoid a repeat 


PLAYBOY 


one of the nation’s premi 

а he has a host of good receivers. 

With 17 starters returning, Richmond 

will obviously be an improved team. The 

schedule, though, is tough. Coach Jim 

Tait hopes to find the answer to his 

quarterbacking problem in sophomore 

James Short, an excellent runner. He 

d running back Reggie Evans, the sen- 

m of spring drills, keep the 

Spiders on the ground th 

. 

s kept the Oklahon 
team from attaining its full potential | 
season, th ers won the Big Eight 
championship. They should repeat, be- 
cause nearly the whole squad returns. 
The offense will again be overpower 
Two prime-quality quarterbacks, Thom- 
as Lot and J. C. Watts, are on сай, 
along with the usual flock of good run- 
ners. The offensive line, featuring 
Playboy All-America Greg Roberts, is the 
finest cast of Colorado. George Gumby 
and Daryl Hunt are the best pair of 
linebackers ever to play in Norman. 
With a little luck, the Sooners could win 
the national championship that so nar- 
rowly cluded them last season. 

Nebraska will again have a siz 
running attack, featuring 1. M. Hipp, 

246 Rick Berns and fast fullback Andra 


Althougl 


Franklin. i he best news pie EEE (CH 


sing will be better if qi 
Tom Sorley can stay healthy. Coach 
Tom Osborne has added the veer attack 
е full advantage of the glut of 
running talent. 

Colorado plays eight games in Boulder 
this fall, giving the Buffaloes a home-field 
advantage unmatched by any other team 
except Alabama. If the home folks are 
to fully enjoy the spectacle, coach Bill 


Mallory will have to find a dependable 
starting quarterback (Bill Solomon, Pete 


Cyphers and Tennessee transfer Joe Gas- 
per are the leading contenders). Whoever 
wins the job will enjoy the protection of 


THE NEAR WEST 


BIG EIGHT 


10-1 Oklahoma 
9-2 State. 
8-3 Kansas 
7-4 Kansas State 
5-6 


SOUTHWEST CONFERENCE 


Arkansas 10-1 Southern 

Texas 9-2 Methodist. 

TexsA&M 8-3 Texas Tech 

Houston. 74 Texas — 

Baylor 65 " Christian 
ice 


INDEPENDENTS 
Мг Force 


Oklahoma 
Nebraska 
Colorado 
lowa State 
Missouri 


5-5 


3-8 
2-9 


North Texas. 3-8 


State 74 


TOP PLAYERS: Roberts, Lott, Sims, Kinlaw, 
Hunt, Cumby (Oklahoma); Hipp, K. Clark, S 
Lindquist, Kunz (Nebraske); Miller, Vaughan, 
Mayberry’ (Colorado); Stensrud, Green, T 
Boskey (lowa State); Winslow (Missouri 
Johnson, Clark (Oklahoma State), Higgins 
(Kansas); C. Green, M. Green (Kansas State); 
Lusby, Calcagni, Walker, Kolenda, Eckwood 
(Arkansas); J. Johnson, H. Jones, L. Jones, 
Erxleben (Texas); Franklin, Dickey, Sanders, 
C. Risien (Texas A&M); Davis, D. Brown, 
Hodge (Houston); Johnson, Lee (Baylor); Tol- 
bert, Choate, Ford (Southern Methodist); 
Orr, Hadnot (Texas Tech); S. Bayuk, Davis 
(Texas Christian); Hertel, Cunningham, 
Houser (Rice); Davidson, Washington (North 
Texas State); Ziebart (Air Force). 


a mammoth offensive line led by Playboy 
All-America Matt Miller. The defensive 
platoon must be upgraded, also, be 
the Bulls were vulnerable to enemy т 
ning attacks last season. Massive tackle 
Ruben Vaughan and nifty middle guard 
Laval Short are a und nucleus on 
which to build. The key to the Bulls" 
season will likely be the October 21 con- 
frontation with Nebraska. 

Other Big Fight teams have had a hard 
ne believing that Iowa State has moved 
nio the league's upper circles (and is 
ely to stay there). Taking advantage of 


this, the Cyclones keep bowling over pur- 
portedly superior teams. The 1977 cam- 
paign was supposed to have 
rebu 


been а 
ing one, but the Cyclones won 


erans back, this could be one of State's 
best teams ever, but we doubt if 
opponents will take them lightly this 
time. Dexter Green should be the best 
runner in the conference. The defensive 
line, led by Playboy All-America tackle 
Mike Stensrud, will be strengthened. by 
fabulous freshman Chris Boskey. 

"Ehe Missouri team, wiped out by in- 
juries in 77, starts over with а new coach 
(Warren Powers), a new quarterback (yet 
to be determined), a new veer attack and 
much added maturity in the offensive 
line. The last asset may be the best. All 
of these new features will get a baptism 
by fire, because the Tigers open their 
season with Noue Dame, Alabama, Ole 
Miss and Oklahoma. 

Oklahoma State has enough skilled 
athletes to spoil the hopes of some other 
Big Eight teams but not enough depth 
in the lines to seriously challenge for 
the tide. With plenty of running talent 
in camp, look for the Cowboys to con- 
fuse opponents with a dazzling array of 
draws, traps, sweeps and short passes. 

Kansas will have an improved team 
that in most other conferences would 
enjoy a winning scason. Playing the 
other Big Eight schools, plus Texas 
A&M, W: igton and UCLA will be a 
punishing ordeal. The incoming fresh- 
man class is the best in many years, so 
the Jayhawks will again have a team 
dominated by freshmen and sophomores. 
All of which bodes well for the future. In 
the meantime, the Jayhawks will just 
ve to try to master Ше new pro-sct 
offense and hang in there. 

Prospects are even bleaker across the 
prairie. New Kansas State coach Jim 
Dickey has also turned to the pro set in 
an attempt to give his offense more piż- 
zazz. Sixteen of last year's top 22 hands 
return, but they will need a lot of help 
from the recruil 

Arkansas has the inside track in the 
Couon Bowl race. If the Porkers stum- 
ble, the most likely causes will be bad 
ng or injuries in the offensive 1 
With Steve Little gone the diploma 
route, the kicking game could fall from 
опе of the best in the country to one of 
the worst. Fortunately, the Hogs have an 
ly schedule tó get the young 
dy for the tough games. Vet- 
сарві will be 
nlon, a transfer 
from North Carolina State who was im- 
pressive in spring drills. АП the top run- 
ners and receivers are back, and the 
defensive platoon, led by Playboy All- 
America Vaughn Lusby. lost only three 
starters, If the Porkers don't have to punt 
or kick a field goal this fall, they could 
challenge for the national championship. 

‘Texas was less fortunate than Arkan- 
sas in its graduation losses, but coach 
Fred Akers reaped a bonanza in the re- 
cruiting sweepstakes, garnering what 
could prove to be the best crop of rookies 


True. 
Unexpected 
taste 


at 


< 
a 
s 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 
Regular and Menthol: 5 mg. "tar", 0.4 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette, FIC Report Aug. 1977. 


PLAYBOY 


248 


in the country. Akers excels in those two 
most important of coaching skills—he is 
a dynamic motivator and a persuasive 
recruiter. He is also a canny user of 
available manpower, which enabled him 
to make Texas into one of the most 
startling turnaround teams in gridiron 
history last year, going from а 5-5-1 
record in "76 to undefeated status in 
Akers’ first regular season in Austin. It 
was a performance that persuaded us to 
name him Playboy's Coach of the Year. 
Akers must use his freshman gems in 
preseason drills to rebuild an offense 
seriously depleted by graduation. For- 
tunately, runner Johnny Ham Jones and 
flanker Johnny Lam Jones return to give 
the attack some firepower. The defensive 
crew, led by Playboy All-America defen- 
sive back Johnnie Johnson, will again be 
top-grade. And if all else fails, Akers can 
turn to Playboy All 
sell Erxleben, the best in the country. 
The Texas A& M team has frighten- 
ing offensive potential Last year, the 
Aggies fielded their best attack ever. 
Only three starters won't return and they 
were more than adequately replaced in 
spring drills New quarterback Mike 
Mosley will bring more quickness and 
speed to that job and transfer Gerald 
Carter makes the corps of receivers 
stronger. Last years slow and mistake- 
prone defensive unit has matured and— 
after a head-knocking spring practice 
looks vastly improved. The kicking game, 


featuring Playboy All-America 
Franklin, will be as good as any. 

Houston's disappointing performance 
last fall—after winning the conference 
cochampionship in 1976—was the result 
of a debilitating plague of injuries. The 
return of the convalescents, plus all the 
experience gained by the youngsters, will 
make the Houston team this season's 
sleeper in the conference-championship 
competition. With Delrick Brown and 
Danny Davis, the Cougars have excellent 
talent in the quarterback slot; and the re- 
turn of linebacker id Hodge and in- 
jured nose guard Robert Oglesby will 
add much grit to the defense. Keep an 
eye on rookie offensive tackle Maceo 
Fifer—he's 66", 275 pounds and still 
growing. 

Baylor will also profit from added 
experience resulting from last season's 
multiple injuries. Sophomore scrambler 
Scott Smith will have the protection of a 
splendid two-deep line and will work 
with the best group of runners in school 
history. Defensive tackle Gary Don John- 
son and a crew of choice linebackers will 
make the Bears difficult to run agains 

Coach Ron Meyer has done the ap- 
parently impossible—he has made South- 
ern Methodist into a respectable team. 
And wait until next year—and the next. 
Thirty-three of last season's top 44 play 
ers are back, 16 of them are sophomores 
and even more of this year’s splendid 
group of fresh freshmen may be on the 
traveling squad by season's end. Passer 


Tony 


“High Times 


Mike Ford and receiver Emanuel Tol- 
bert will again treat fans to a dazz 
acrial show. Unfortunately for this s 
son, the defensive unit is a disaster 
area—only four linemen and two line- 
backers showed up for spring practice. 

When former Texas Tech coach Steve 
Sloan fled the barren wastes of west 
Texas for the lush plantations of Missis- 
sippi, he left behind a nearly barren 
larder—not to mention a lot of antip- 
athy. Only eight of the '77 starters 
escaped. graduation. The replacements, 
though potentially adequate, are woe- 
fully inexperienced. Worst of all, the 
youngsters must endure a grueling early- 
season schedule. New coach Rex Dockery 
must find a quarterback, Tres Adami 
and Mark Johnson being the prime 
candidates. 

Texas Christian and Rice, both having 
endured seemingly endless lean years, 
have large contingents of experienced 
players returning from dismal '77 sca- 
sons, but they are still very young. About 
20 sophomores will be among the top 
44 players at each school. In addition to 
the added experience of the returning 
veterans, Texas Christian will benefit 
from a massive injection of junior college 
talent. Best of the junior college players 
could be linebackers Kevin Moody and 
Steve Bingham. Two prize freshman re- 
cruits, receiver Phillip Epps and runner 
Russel Bates, will bring dazzling speed 
to the attack. 

The Rice squad must recover from the 
emotional shock received when former 
head coach Homer Rice suddenly took 
off for more fertile fields after spring 
practice. The cool, methodical Rice is 
replaced by fiery, emotional Ray Alborn. 
His first job will be to fix the defense, a 
major debacle last season. The Owls’ 
only hope for victory may be to win high- 
scoring games by letting riflearmed 
Randy Hertel throw all day to supe 
receivers Doug Cunningham and David 
Houser. 

Coach Hayden Fry is rapidly building 
North Texas State into a major football 
power by upgrading both the talent 
stock pile and the schedule. Last winter 
recruiting coup was Milton Collins, said 
to be the best running back from Texa: 
prep ranks since Earl Campbell (th 
year’s first pro-draft choice). Fry must 
rebuild the offense, but Collins and qui 
terback Jordan Case, who was impressive 
spring drills, will make the job easier. 
The Mean Green may still be just that, 
but with Texas and Oklahoma State 
added to the schedule, it will be difficult 
to match last year’s 9-2 record. 

New Air Force coach 
arrived in Colorado Springs last wi 
to find only nine starters left from a team 
that won just two games last year. U 
happily, the reserve stock of talent isn't 
U.S. prime beef, either. Best of the re- 
turnees are quarterback Dave Ziebart 
and flanker Steve Hoog, so look for the 


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THE FAR WEST 


PACIFIC TEN 
UCLA 92 — Washington 
(ета — 8-3 State 7 
Southern Stanford 47 
California 84 Arizona 47 
Washington 7-4 Oregon State 3 
Arizona State 7-4 Oregon 3-8 
WESTERN ATHLETIC CONFERENCE 
New Mexico 8-4 Brigham Young 7-5 
San Diego Wyoming 7-5 
State 14 Шаһ 65 
Colorado State 7-4 Texas-El Paso 2-9 
PACIFIC COAST CONFERENCE 
San Jose UtahState — 6-5 
State 10-2 Pacific 65 
Fresno State 8-3 Long Beach 
Fullerton State 7-5 State 6-5 


TOP PLAYERS: J. Robinson, T. Brown, Tuia- 
sosopo (UCLA); Deloach, Leffler (Califor- 
nia); Howell, C. White, Munoz (Southern 
California); Jackson, Toews, Steele (Wash- 
ington); A. Harris (Arizona State); J. Thomp- 
son (Washington State); Nelson, Ceresino 
(Stanford); Segal (Arizona); Donaghue (Ore- 
gon State); Bryent (Oregon); Hudspeth, M. 
Williams (New Mexico); Williams (San Diego 
State); Mike Bell (Colorado State); Wilson, 
Chronister (Brigham Young); Hardeman, Fan 
tetti (Wyoming); Partridge (Utah); Garcia 
(Texas-El Paso); Manumaleuna (San lose 
State); Petrucci, Gilchrist (Fresno State); 
King (Fullerton State); Bryant (Utah State) 
Vassar (Pacific), McCluskey (Long Beach 
late) 


The Pacific Ten Conference can now 
dispute the Big Eights claim as the 
strongest college-ootball circuit. A casu- 
al look at the won-lost records of the 
Рас 10 teams at scason's end will prob- 
ably mystify fans in other parts of the 
country. How can so many of the teams 
win so many games? By fattening their 
records on nonconference opponents. 

This year’s scramble for the Rose Bowl 
will be another wild affair and the out- 
come may be as unexpected as it was 
last season. UCLA seems to us to have 
the best shot at the title. The September 
ninth game with Washington could be a 
harbinger for the rest of the season. The 
Bruins appear to be improved in every 
phase of the game, with enough super- 
stud types in camp to ficld two good 
teams. The leading talents are Playboy 
All-Americas Theotis Brown at running 
back and linebacker Jerry Robinson. 

With the arrival of new coach Roger 
"Theder, the California offense could be- 
come even more explosive than in the 
past. Theder's first job will be to select 
a starting quarterback from among five 
candidates, any one of whom could 
start for most major schools. He must 
also find a running threat from among 
the incoming frosh, with Mike Carnell 
having the most impressive credentials. 
The Bear defense, anchored by lineman 
Ralph DeLoach, will be one of the 
nation’s best. There isn't a weak link in 


the line and redshirt Daryie Skaugstad 
may be better than the incumbents. 

The Southern California team must 
avoid last year’s numerous interceptions 
and fumbles if it hopes to regain the 
conference championship. A new quar 
terback, either Paul McDonald or Rob 
Preston, will help fix those problems, 
but this year's squad is exiremely young, 
A windfall of talent in the freshman 
class could cause some shake-ups on the 
playing roster by season's end. The Tro- 
jans will be hard to stop when they have 
the ball An aweome line, led by 
Playboy All-America guard Pat Howell, 
will block for two splendid runners 
(Playboy All-America Charles White and 
sprinter Dwight Ford) and a superb 
corps of receivers will be a constant 
threat, if the new quarterback can get 
the ball to them 

Washington's ‘77 Cinderella act will 
be difficult to repeat, despite 18 return- 
ing starters. One of the late departed is 
quarterback Warren Moon, last year's 
sparkplug, and no comparable replace 
ment is available. Also—and perhaps 
more important—the surprise factor is 
missing. With tailback Joe Stecle and 
split end Spider Gaines, the Huskies 
will be long on speed and quickness 

Don't bet any beers on Arizona State. 
The Sun Devils’ first year in the Pac 10 
could be cither a big blast or a big Dust. 
Coach Frank Kush had his best recruit- 
ing year ever, the nonconference op- 
ponents are pushovers and Mark Malone 
could become the best quarterback in 
school history. But it is a young, inex- 
perienced squad unaccustomed to play- 
ing top-caliber teams weck alter week. 
The newcomer most likely to make a 
big splash his first year is freshman run- 
ner Willie Gittens. 

Washington State—for the second year 
in a row—has a new coach, Jim Walden 
He will have good—aálbeit inexperi- 
enced—ialent, plus the finest. quarter- 
the nation, Playboy All-America 
Jack Thompson, an intelligent and lik- 
able Samoan who will give thc voung 
s the mature leadership they need 
better 


cly, Thompson will hav 
protection from his offensive. line than 
last year. Tackle Allan Kennedy is a 
future star 

Stanford will have an off season—at 
least by Palo Alto standards. Sterling 
halfback Darrin Nelson is one of only 
four offensive starters back from last 
year. All the top Cardinal athletes are 
freshmen or sophomores, so Stanford is 
a year or two away from competing for 
the roses. This year's sleeper could be 
soph Larry Harris, who has been moved 
from safety to wide receiver. He'll be 
catching passes from new quarterback 
Steve Dils. 

Arizona coach Tony Mason is still try- 
ing to replenish the barren talent cup- 
board he found when he took over the 
Wildcats last year. A quick injection was 


For the name of your 1 


PLAYBOY 


252 


received this summer with a host of qual- 
ity transfers, best of whom are defensive 
lineman Cleveland Crosby (from Pur- 
due), safety Dave Liggins and runner 
Johnny Ziegler (both from Cincinnati) 
and runner Larry Heater (junior col- 
lege). Also recruited was the nation's top. 
high school field-goal kicker, Bill Zivic. 
"The Wildcats will be a better team, but. 
joining the Pac 10 will make the opposi 
tion much tougher. 

The two Oregon teams will again 
compete for the conference cellar. All 
the skill players return at Oregon State, 
but the offensive line must be completely 
rebuilt. Junior college transfer quarter- 
back Steve Smith will challenge incum- 
bent John Norman. The punting, dismal 
last year, will be much improved. 

Oregon's inconsistent running will be 
fixed by the emergence in spring train- 
ing of two fine power fullbacks, Vince 
Williams and Jeff Wood, plus a group of 
highly touted freshman backs, including 
tailback Reggie Young, said to be the 
most promising Oregon runner since 
Bobby Moore (now Ahmad Rashad). 
‘Three incoming freshmen, best of whom 
is Andrew Paige, will vie with redshirt 
Mike Kennedy for the quarterback job. 

‘The New Mexico team, after endur- 
ing а year of vitriolic abuse by the media 
and alumni groups, enters this season 
with sky-high morale, determined to 
show the Albuquerque jackals that Bill 


Mondt is, indeed, a capable coach. The 
Lobos have the tools to prove their 
point. The squad is deep and mature, 
the offensive line has been beefed up 
with junior college transfers and the 
schedule has been tempered a bit. Safety 
Max Hudspeth and bullish fullback 
Mike Williams are among the better 
practitioners of their craft. 

San Diego State, having posted two 
consecutive 10-1 seasons, will find it 
difficult to follow its own act. The of- 
fense will be directed by sophomore 
quarterback Mark Halda, who looked 
sensational in spring drills. The defense, 
featuring Playboy All-America defensive 
back Henry Williams, will be fearsome. 
The secondary, in fact, could well be 
the best in the country. 

Colorado State's backfield will feature 
the two speedy Jones brothers, Larry 
and Norris. The defense, again one of 
the best in the West, will feature 
Playboy AlLAmeri il 

Brigham Yol 
a spectacular aerial show to delight the 
faithful. This one will showcase passer 
Marc Wilson and flanker Mike Chronis- 
ter. The Cougar lines must be rebuilt 
if last year's 9-2 success is to be repeated. 

For the first time in several years, the 
Wyoming team is comfortably fixed at 
the skill positions, but the offensive line 
is once again a troubled area. If some 
adequate blockers can be found among 


D 
i 


“Hippopotamus jokes break him up.” 


a promising group of junior college 
transfers, runner Myron Hardeman will 


iron fortunes are on the 
ascent, A host of newcomers will make 
the Ute squad bigger, faster and deeper. 
Best of the recruits are transfer (from 
Long Beach State) defensive end Jef 
Lyall and freshman Del Rodgers. 

Texas-El Paso coach Bill Michael 
continues his methodical rebuilding pro- 
gram. His biggest problem is squad 
depth—or the lack thereof. With a gem- 
quality quarterback (Oscar Ramirez) and 
an equally impressive receiver (Bubba 
Garcia), the Miners will have a viable 
air attack, something that has been miss- 
ing recently. 

‘The San Jose State team is loaded with 
strength—but so is the schedule. Best 
Samoan linebacker 
Frank Manumaleuna (his name means 
bird of paradise in Samoan). If the of- 
fense bogs down, he has a fearsome rep- 
utation as a former 245-pound fullback 

Severe graduation losses will prevent 
Fresno State from duplicating its 
pressive "77 performance. Junior college 
transfer quarterback Bill Yancy and tail- 
back Greg Gilchrist will give the Bull- 
dogs a potent veer attack. 

Fullerton State’s severe depth problems 
have been partly cured by a bumper 
crop of recruits, most of them defensive 
stalwarts. The Titans are still in the be- 
ginning phases of their building pro- 
gram but should have a winning season, 
because the schedule is favorable. 

Utah State enters the Pacific Coast 
Conference with a team well stocked in 
the skill positions. In order to prevent 
an embarrassing debut, the Aggies spent 
the entire spring trying to correct their 
proclivity for making mistakes. Jimmy 
Bryant may be the country's best kick- 
return specialist. 

The defense will again be Pacific’: 
strength, largely because of the amazing 
ability and depth of the linebacking 
corps. The Tigers’ reserve linebackers 
would be starters for most major schools. 

With 18 returning starters joined by 
a host of promising transfers, Long 
Beach State is the dark horse of the con- 
ference. The 49ers will be a fearsome 
passing team, with both of last years 
quarterbacks returning and. perhaps the 
best fleet of receivers on the West Coast 
waiting to catch their passes. 

And, finally, let us pause to appreciate 
this season's most vivid example of the 
spreading popularity (and the sometimes 
iraveling-circus aspect) of college foot- 
ball: Utah State and Idaho State uni 
versities are located, respectively, in 
Logan, Utah, and Pocatello, Idaho —90 
miles apart. Yet they are traveling half- 
way around the world to play a football 
game in Osaka, Japan, on September 
third. Sayonara, 

[x] 


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PLAYBOY 


254 


GOODIN BED ............. 


“When the timing is off and the sex partner starts 
without you, it can louse up a wonderful romance.” 


shares the creativity of Disney, the imag- 
ination of De Sade and the stamina of 
Secretariat. Or it means she’s not there 
in the morning. 


DIVINE, transvestite star 

This subject could get very filthy! It's 
been so long. All I do is rehearse. I guess 
it means that whoever you're in bed with 
leaves qui The quicker the better. 
Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. See ya 
later. Good morning and goodbye. 


PETER BEARD, author and pho- 
tographer 

To have good sex, you have to be 
really close to the person you're in bed 
with. For example, I could never go to 
bed with African natives. They're much 


too authentic to relate to Europeans. Any 
African who's interesting to me wouldn't 
be interesting in bed, because the Afri- 
cans who are interesting to me don't 
have beds. 


GENE SIMMONS, bass player for 
Kiss, Cher's present consort 
A tall, blonde, experienced female. 


FREDERICK MELLINGER, presi- 
dent, Frederick's of Hollywood 

I think good in bed means a woman 
who enjoys what she's doing and who 
knows that by making her man happy 
she's making herself happy. 

For a man, it’s trying to have cach 
instance of intimacy be outstanding and 
remembered. It's like a ball game. You 


“I like older men. They can take me to ‘Minors must 
be accompanied by an adult’ movies.” 


think to yourself, That was yesterday's 
game; what can I do today to make 
myself even better? 

І certainly think a woman should wear 
something sexy to bed, but we design 
things for men as well. I don't know 
whether the won turned 
on by them, but she has a feeling that, 
Well, at least he thinks sexy. But if he 
comes in a flannel nightshirt and she’s 
wearing sexy lingerie, she’s going to have 
an awfully large bridge to gap. 

We try to make the bedroom a fun 
room. For example, we have a jump suit 
for women in our catalog. It's completely 
sheer, with a zipper that starts in the 
front, goes under the crotch and comes 
around all the way through to the back. 
Now, you can see what fun could be 
had with Шап 


PHYLLIS DILLER, comedienne 

Sex is identical to comedy, in that it 
involves ig. When the timing is off 
and the sex partner starts without you, 
it can louse up a wonderful romance, 
Having been reared in Ohio during the 
Dark Ages, I still wear а floor-length 
tweed nightgown with a white Peter Pan 
collar. My gown buttons down the front. 
"There are 347 buttons. 

It has, however, a breakaway back with 
a sign that says, PULL ТАВ IN CASE OF FIRE. 


JOHN C. HOLMES, porn actor, 
reputed to have the longest penis 
(14")in films 

Sex without love is just two people 
masturbating together. I can make love 
to five women in a night, but when I'm 
in love with just onc woman, then 1 can 
only do it once, and I'm only good for 
one shot. I'm just totally physically and 
mentally exhausted, 

I don't think size makes that much 
difference in being good in bed. I'd say 
60 percent of the women I go to bed 
with say that it docs matter and the 
other 40 percent don't comment at all. 
But women are very geisha-inclined, so 
you never know if theyre getting off 

ause you're abnormally large or if 
j to be nice. 
is more of a psycho- 
logical fascination for some women than 
a physical stimulation. Women walk up 
to me with 5100 bills, saying, “I've got 
to try you on for size once.” And I say, 
“Hey, wa nute; I'Il buy you a drink 
and see if I'm interested." The impor- 
tant thing is: Don't sell it; that spoils it! 


JON PETERS, film producer, Bar- 
bra Streisand's boyfriend 
Good in bed means giving head. 


BILLY CARTER, the First Brother 
At my age, sleep. 


© 1978 R. J Reynolds Tobacco Co. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


E 


Heineken from Holland. 
It didn’t get tobe America's 
number one imported beerjustby 
looking this good. 


PLAY BOY 


ON: THE: SCENE 


H 


GADGETS 


POPART 


istory doesn’t record who discovered that certain 
types of corn kernels would snap, crackle and even- 
tually pop when exposed to heat, but no matter. 
Across the country every year, over six and a half 


RICHARD ZU! 


billion quarts of corn go off with a bang, especially during 
peak cinema hours and just before The Tonight Show. Sure, 
you can make popcorn in a pan, but why bother, when 
there are machines to do it for you? Shake, rattle and eat! 


Left: Gold Medal's popcorn ma- 
chine makes up to 160 quarts an 
hour, $599.50. Below: Hamilton 
Beach's antique-style popper, 
from Tree House Collection, 
$200. Bottom, left to right: Wear- 
Ever's Popcorn Pumper uses hot 
air instead of oil, $39.95; and 
West Bend’s popper stirs the 
corn while it's popping, from 
Hammacher Schlemmer, $26.95. 


шс... 


POPCORN 


Rr EN 


258 


HABITAT. 


GLASS ACT 


irror, mirror on the wall, the table and even the 
which is the fairest of them all? Your 
answer, of course, will reflect the type of shiny 
surface you personally dig. Mirrors have come 
out of the bathroom and begun to brighten all kinds of 
other corners. Even grooming mirrors have received a face 


‘Above: This keyhole mirror designed by 
Scott Russell exclusively for Jenny B. Goode 
in Manhattan measures 8” high by 6” wide; 
around the keyhole is а wood frame, $20. 


Below: Electro-Optix’ Magi-Mirror features 
а suction-cup base, regular and magnifying 
surfaces and a stem that extends from 6” 
to 28". Its also from Jenny B. Goode, $14. 


RICHARD 1201 


lift; in fact, we think that the three pictured below are such 
a reflection of good taste that they're practically objets 
d'art. Another nice thing about mirrors is that they're excel- 
lent mixers. If you’re into modern furnishings, mirrors work 
fine, But they're also bright counterpoints to mahogany 
antiques. Mirrors, mirrors everywhere—and looking good. 


Above, top to bottom: A 12" x 15" grooming mirror held in a chrome-plated-steel swiv- 
eling frame оп an acrylic base, by Context, $58. Parenthian Industries’ Model 1200-M 
speaker is made of quarter-inch plate glass for superior resonance and less distortion, 
$399. A double-sided wall-mounted mirror with an extendible arm, by Irving W. Rice, $54, 


WHEELS 


FILE A FLIGHT PLAN 


hen Porsche brings out a new car, people 
expect a lot. They've found just that in the 928, 
Porsche's first eight-cylinder production car. 

1 was dazzled by the 928 when | first drove it 
in southern France early in 1977. Its machinery was bewitch- 
ing. Only the main body shell appeared to be made of steel. 
Light, expensive aluminum was used for the doors, hood, 
deck, wheels, brakes and most of the engine, transmission 
and suspension. Looking like a piece of modern sculpture, 
its 4474-c.c. overhead-cam V8 engine produces 219 S.A.E. 
net horsepower. Little hydraulic shock absorbers carry the 
engine and, at the rear of the chassis, there's a five-speed 
manual or a three-speed automatic transmission—your, 


Even at rest, the Porsche 928 has the look of a machine that will get you where you want 
to go in a great big hurry. The only problem: Where can you use all that speed? 


choice as part of the $28,500 price tag. 

This water-cooled, front-engined Porsche made a fabu- 
lous first impression. 1 loved the direct, positive feel of its 
steering, the sure-footed way it ripped around coastal 
curves and the quietness with which it reached and held 
140 mph on the Autoroute. But the manual shift seemed 
to me to be somewhat heavy and sticky. | wondered what 
it would be like with an automatic. With all that torque and 
left-foot braking for perfect control, it just had to be a 
marvelous combination. A year later, in America, | found 
out that it was. 

Made by Mercedes-Benz, the automatic transmission 
hides under the 928's small but still useful rear seats. A 
quadrant on the console controls it. It’s 
part of an interior that feels unusually 
wide and roomy for a sports car. The 
wheel adjusts up and down and with it 
moves the whole instrument and con- 
trol binnacle. Set deep into a cove, 
the dials are lit whenever the ignition 
is on. Special gizmos abound: head- 
light washer jets, a button that jets 
solvent into the windshield-washing 
system and a central warning-light 
computer that tells you something's 
wrong and what it is. 

The automatic 928 fires up with a 
deep murmur and swaggers away from 
the curb with confident ease. Punch 
that’s mild at first builds and builds 
when you press the pedal through its 
long travel; and when you get past 60 
in first, the 928 starts flying. It will do 
70 mph in first and something over 110 
in second! At a legal 55, the motor is 
almost idling at only 1800 rpm. It's 
mighty reluctant to run that slowly. 
Luckily, the 928 has a big glove box 
and door pockets to hold the tickets 
you're bound to collect if you're as 
weak-willed as the rest of us. 

Don't expect a boulevard ride from 
the 928. Pumped up to 36 pounds, the 
tires thump over every bump. The im- 
pact is enough to shake the plastic 
panels of the dash and rear deck, which 
squeak and creak the way a Porsche 
shouldn't Luggage space is very lim- 
ited, even though a collapsed spare is 
used, under the rear deck over the 
battery. The 23-gallon fuel tank empties 
fast at the rate of 12 to 15 miles per 
gallon. But performance is what a 928 
is all about. It goes, turns and stops 
with such arrogant ease and silent 
speed that other cars on the road are 
only annoying obstructions, seemingly: 
driven by the blind and the lame. You 
feel completely insulated from other 
traffic and grandly superior to it. For 
those hooked on megalomania, the 
Porsche 928 is the perfect car. The only 
question: Can you get too much of a 
good thing? — KARL LUDVIGSEN 


MYLES DE RUSSY 


259 


260 


a "тыт ease 


Я | 


MICHAEL CHILDERS /SYGMA 


Мён 


Barbara’s Bach 


If you asked a random sampling of men to name the Bach they'd most 
like to fugue around with, they'd probably name actress BARBARA BACH. 
That's because they saw her well-tempered clavicle ina very sexy pict 
in the June 1977 PLAYBOY, and then as 007's K.G.B.-agent leading lad; 
“The Spy Who Loved Me.” Soon they'll be able to see her again in “Force 
10 from Navarone,” a sequel to “The Guns of Navarone” co-starring 
Robert Shaw and Harrison Ford. Anything else? What's that—somebody 
wants us to say something about how “Bach’s Organ Works”? Sorry. 


GRAPEVINE 


Paul and the Wolf 


Saxophonist PAUL WINTER 
took his instrument to Indi- 
ana in search oí a pack of 
wolves to accompany him on 
the "Wolf Eyes" track of 
his new album, “Common 
Ground." He found a perfect 
pack of backup howlers in 
Wolf Park in Battleground, 
Indiana. Winter played; the 
wolves responded. In fact, 
Wolf Park personnel report 
that for four nights after Win- 
leparture, one she-wolf 
continued to howl ii 
ner that had been di: 
influenced by the tune Win- 
ter had been playing. If 
only Little Red Ridinghood 
had thought to carry a sax 
instead of a sack! 


Dog Day Afternoon 


Bet you never thought Wyatt Earp would come to this. That's right, 
it is HUGH O'BRIAN (he's the one wearing a tie) with his dog (he's 
the one without anything on). The shot was snapped by Los 
Angeles photographer Ellen Graham, who specializes in shooting 
Hollywood stars and their dogs. She thinks this is one of her best 
shots yet. For what it's worth, so does O'Brian. 


LARRY ARMSTRONG /L.A, TIMES 


Gunning for 
Mr. Goodbar 


Almost from the day “Looking for 
Mr. Goodbar" was released in Octo- 
ber 1977, writer-director RICHARD 
BROOKS has been under 
There have been crank calls, 


Brooks's wife, actress Jean 
couldn't handle his involvement in 
the movie, and they separated, at 
least temporarily. About “Goodbar,” 
Brooks said: “I wanted to tell the 
truth. I wanted to say violent 
death is painful, rape is painful, 
the invasion of another person is 
painful. And 1 guess it worked. It's 
one girl fighting for her life, and it 
was too much for a lot of people.” 


» | Fx 4 
ELLEN GRAHAM 


CHUCK PULIN 


Who Was That— 
Uh—Lady? 

That's no lady, that’s DIVINE— 
king of the drag queens and 
star of John Waters’ cult-film 
hits, “Pink Flamingos” and 
“Female Trouble." He-she's 
seen here with pals RUDOLF 
NUREYEV and JACK NICHOL- 
SON backstage after a perform- 
ance of his-her off-Broadway 
burlesque-comedy, “The Neon 
Woman." No, this is not Di- 
vine's answer to Debby Boone. 
It’s a killer thriller showcas- 
ing Divine as Flash Storm, the 
ex-stripper proprietress of Club 
Neon Woman, a strip joint in 
Baltimore, circa 1961. Tom Ey- 
en's script centers on a "black- 
stocking" killer who terrorizes 
the club. One New York thea- 
ter critic adjudged the produc- 
tion as “liable to give trash a 
good name! Divine is Divine.” 


261 


PLAYBOY’S ROVING EYE 


Studio 54, What Are You? 


For those who have to be seen and obscene, 
New York's Studio 54 has become the disco. 
Greats and near greats, suburbanites and sub- 
terraneans flock to its doors, hoping to pass 
the scrutiny of owner Steve Rubell. Many are 
culled, few are chosen. These late-night (early- 
morning?) revelers made it in. Just your average 
Americans, undressed to the teeth, including 
the likes of Bianca Jagger with partner Sterling 
St. Jacques (right) doing their famous Astaire- 
Rogers parody. Dorothy Parker once wrote: 
“Drink and dance and laugh and lie/ Love the 
reeling midnight through/For tomorrow we 
shall die!/ (But, alas, we never do.)" And she 
never even went to Studio 54. 


MIKE NORCIA /5ҮСМА 


264 


WAIT TILL WOMEN'S 
LIB HEARS ABOUT THIS 

It appears that baby boys have more 
on the ball than baby girls. Maybe it 
has to do with the side effects of puppy 
dogs’ tails. Whatever the reason, Dr. 
Sheridan Phillips conducted a study at 
Long Island’s Jewish Hillside Medical 
Center to determine if there was any be- 
havioral difference between the sexes 
at birth. She matched 15 newborn girls 
and 14 infant boys on a variety of char- 
acteristics (weight, birth order, type of 
feeding, type of delivery, etc.), then had 


This sign of the times is in San Jose. A 
few years down the road, there's another 


billboard that asks, DO YoU KNOW WHERE 
YOUR KIDS ARE TONIGHT? 


a team of researchers observe the ba- 
bies for eight hours. (The watchers did 
not know the sex of the infants.) At the 
conclusion of the study, Dr. Phillips 
found (to her surprise) that baby boys 
stayed awake longer and moved their 
heads, hands, bodies and faces more 
frequently than did baby girls. These 
male-chauvinist piglets were trying to 
score with some macho moves. 


KIDS WILL BE KIDS 


Anita Bryant is afraid that the public 
acceptance of homosexuals will lead 
our children from the straight and nar- 
row into a life of perversion and tacki- 
ness. She should stick to singing. A 
preliminary study at the State Univer- 
sity of New York suggests that kids will 
be kids, no matter what the influence. 
Psychiatrist Richard Green observed 21 
children—from the ages of 5 to 14— 
who had been raised by lesbian moth- 
ers. He found that the children were 
identical to those who might be raised 
by heterosexual parents, that there is 
not the slightest indication that a gay 
mother can unduly change the direc- 
tion of her child’s life. According to Dr. 


SEX NEWS 


Green, the children chose toys and be- 
haved in ways consistent with their bio- 
logical sex. Boys will be boys and girls 
will be glad of it. 


IN GOD WE TRUST— 
ALL OTHERS PAY CASH 


Sacrebleu! Would you believe that 
French prostitutes are actually very 
religious? Abbé Oraison, a man of the 
cloth who moonlights as a doctor in the 
red-light district of Paris, believes that 
Pigalle prostitutes go to church more 
than other professional people. Of 
course, you say, they have more to con- 
fess. Jaded cad. According to a story in 
the San Francisco Examiner, Oraison 
believes that for these sisters of mercy, 
“God is their father image, that most 
of them detest men, that they are not 
happy and dream of other lives, that 
they have childish attitudes but that 
their faith is honest and real, even 


| though frequently naive.” Didn't we 


see this as a 13-week PBS series? 


IT SURE BEATS CURLING 
UP WITH A BOOK 


Or does it? Two professors of family 
relations—Jay A. Mancini and Dennis 
K. Orthner—recently polled 227 hus- 
bands and 233 wives to find out what 
they liked to do in their spare time. 
The researchers gave their subjects a 
list of 96 leisure-time activities and 
asked them to pick in order their five 
favorites. The husbands said they liked 
sexual and affectional activities (45 
percent), attending athletic events (41 
percent), reading books (33 percent), 
playing golf (23 percent) and watching 
television (22 percent). The women, 
bless their litle minds, listed reading 
first (37 percent), followed by sexual 
and affectional activities (26 percent), 


sewing for pleasure (25 percent), enter- 
taining (20 percent) and visiting friends 
and family (six percent). The moral: 
You should give your wife a copy of 
The Joy of Sex to read; but that prob- 
ably won't change things. The longer 
the subjects had been married, the less 
interested they were in sex. With age, 
husbands came to prefer other shared 
activities, while wives became more 
interested in independent activities. 
KISS MY COUCH 

Within the past few years, we have 
seen several accounts of patients suing 
shrinks for moving from head to bed. 
Women patients claim that their psy- 
chiatrists have taken advantage of the 
doctor-patient relationship and have 
even gone as far as to suggest sex as a 
cure. (“Take six inches of this and see 
me tomorrow.") Now we find evidence 
that the phenomenon is far from iso- 
lated. American Psychologist reports 
that Jean Corey Holroyd and Annette 
M. Brodsky conducted a nationwide 
survey of Ph.D. psychologists and found 
that 5.5 percent of the male Ph.D.s and 
-6 percent of the female Ph.D.s had en- 
gaged in sexual intercourse with their 
patients. Of those therapists who had 
intercourse with their patients, 80 per- 
cent repeated it. Medical Aspects of 
Human Sexuality polled 500 psychia- 
trists and discovered that 19 percent 
felt that there were exceptions to the 
rule “that patient-physician sexual rela- 
tions are harmful to the patient and 
therapeutic relationship.” Almost 70 
percent of those polled knew of pa- 
tients and physicians who had engaged 
in sexual relations. At the rate the trend 
is developing, it will soon be as hard to 
find a legitimate therapist as it is to 
find a good masseuse. Bg 


3 
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and exquisite styling is combined with prices just 

about any man can easily afford. For instance: 

the entire Royal Worsted (a remarkable new fabric 

with a soft, luxuriant wool “feel”) outfit 


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shown above costs less than many people spend on a 
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Tn addition, they're specially constructed to keep their 
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When you don't want to follow the flock. 


QUALITY NEVER GOES OUT OF STYLE. 


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PLAYBOY 


Leather®. The fresh, 
clean, masculine scent a woman 
loves her man to wear... or nothing at 
all. Wind Drift”. A clear, crisp call to 
adventure .. . refreshing as the wind 
from the sea. Timberline”. Brisk and 
woodsy, exhilarating as the great 
outdoors. In After Shave, Cologne, 
Gift Sets, and men's grooming gear. 
At fine toiletry counters. 


_ English Leather. 


Northvale, New Jersey 07647 © 1978 
Available in Canada 


_NEXT MONTH: 


INNER GAME CHERYL TIEGS - 


DOLLY PARTON TALKS ABOUT HER HILLBILLY CHILDHOOD, 
HER CAREER IN COUNTRY MUSIC AND WHAT SHE REALLY THINKS 
OF HER VOICE, HER HAIR STYLE AND HER BOOBS IN A START- 
LINGLY FRANK PLAYBOY INTERVIEW 


“SPINKS”—WHAT’'S REALLY GOING ON WITH THE NEW CHAMP 
AND THE PEOPLE WHO ARE PULLING HIS STRINGS? IS LEON PRO- 
GRAMED TO SELF-DESTRUCT?—BY PHILIP BERGER 


“FALLING ANGEL”—A PRIVATE EYE PURSUES A MYSTERY 
THAT'S PART KIDNAPING, PART ASTROLOGY, PART VOODOO. 
BEGINNING A NEW NOVEL BY WILLIAM HJORTSBERG 


“THE INNER GAME OF SEX"—ZEN AND THE ART OF LOVE- 
MAKING, OR, FOR GOD'S SAKE, MAN, STOP THINKING ABOUT IT 
AND DO IT!—BY ROBERT SHEA 


“KINGS DON'T MEAN A THING"—THE DARK UNDERBELLY OF 
A MURDER STORY: HOW A NEWSPAPER-EMPIRE HEIR STEPPED 
OUT OF THE CLOSET INTO THE MORGUE—BY ARTHUR BELL 


“TWENTY QUESTIONS/ CHERYL TIEGS''—THE ALL-AMERICAN 
GIRL CONFESSES ALL: HER TEENAGED CRUSH ON PAT BOONE 
AND HER ONE UGLY FEATURE: BIG EARS 


“WHEELS FOR THE MAN WHO THINKS BIG”—TIRED OF YOUR 
EVERYDAY MERCEDES AND FERRARIS? HOW ABOUT AN 18- 
WHEELER? A DUMP TRUCK? A CEMENT MIXER? A POTPOURRI OF 
OUTSIZED TRANSPORT—BY DONALD CHAIKIN 


“GIRLS OF THE PAC 10, PART II"—HERE THEY ARE, FELLAS, 
TERRIFIC COEDS FROM ARIZONA, USC, WASHINGTON STATE, 
OREGON STATE AND STANFORD. HIPS, HIPS, HOORAY! 


*PLAYBOY'S FALL AND WINTER FASHION FORECAST"'— 
ADVANCE DOPE ON WHAT YOU'LL BE WEARING THE REST OF THE 
YEAR, WITH SAGE ADVICE BY DAVID PLATT 


*ANILLUSTRATED HISTORY OF SEX, PART VII A SKEWED 
VIEW OF THAT OLD FAVORITE, THE RENAISSANCE MAN (AND 
WOMAN, TOO, DUMMY)—BY ARNOLD ROTH 


0 


"ANADIAN WHISKY ~A BLEND - 80 PROOF- IMPORTED AND 
BOTTLED BY THE WINDSOR DISTILLERY COMPANY, NEW YORK, N Y. 


This Canadian has a reputation for smoothness. 
So you won't catch him drinking anything less than the 
smoothest whisky around. 

Windsor. A whisky made with glacier fed 
spring water and aged in the clear, clean air of the 
Canadian Rockies. 


Try Windsor. It’s got a reputation for smoothness. 


mg "tar; 1.0 mg nicotine ev. per cigarette, FIC Report Aug. 7]! д 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. |