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AYBOY

COLLECTOR'S EDITION JANUARY 1979 » $3.00

EC E

TWENTY-FIFTH
ANNIVERSARY ISSUE

With the Great Playmate Hunt and...

-. Marlon Brando: His Most Revealing Interview
Arthur C. Clarke: A New Sci-Fi Novel. John Updike
and Tom (“Cowgirls”) Robbins: New Stories from
TwoVirtuoso Novelists: Gore Vidal: Why Sex Is
Politics: Ray Bradbury: Setting Sail for Outer
Space: Shel Silverstein: A Tale About a Country
Singer and the Devil‘ Robert Morley: Why the
English Like to Dress in Drag: Bill Cosby: In
Search of Muscles: David Halberstam: The Small

Failuresof Television: Jules Feiffer: The Language
of Lovemaking- David Steinberg: How to Dazzle
at the Disco-Sydney Omarr: An Intrepid Playboy
Horoscope-Plus a Choice Selection from 25 Years
of Fabulous Pictorials: A Glittering Review of
the Years Delightful Dozen Playmates, and a New
Years Worth of Good Cheer to Celebrate the 25th
Birthday of Americas Leading Magazine for Men

Its hard to forget someone who

gives you Crown Royal.

SEIGRAM DISTILLERS СО, N.Y. BLENDED CANADIAN WHISKY, 80 PROOF.

hen I conceived this magazine a
quarter of a century ago, I had no notion
that it would become one of the most
important, imitated, influential and yet
controversial publishing ventures of our
time. The early Fifties was an era of
conformity and repression —of Eisenhower
and Senator Joe MeCarthy—the result of
two decades of Depression and war. But
it was also a period of reawakcning in
Amcrica—with a reemphasis on the im-
portance of the individual, on his rights
and opportunities in a frec socicty—a
period of increasing affluence and leisure
time. 1 wanted to publish a magazine
that both influenced and reflected the
socio-sexual changes taking place in Amer-
ica bur that was—first and foremost—fun.
PLAYBOY was intended as a response to
the repressive antiscxual, anti-play-and-
pleasure aspects of our puritan heritage.

Big dreams for a young man only re
cently graduated from college, who quit
his $60-a-week job as a promotion copy
writer for Esquire when refused a request
for a five-dollar raise. With a personal
investment of $600 (borrowed) and $6000
more invested by various friends and rela-
tives, we published that first thin 44-page
issue in December 1953. The rest, as they
say, is history.

What we lacked in experience and
moucy, we made up for in youthful en-
thusiasm and cnergy. By the early Sixtics,
PLAYBOY was being referred to as “a hand-
book for the young тап about town” and
we had become a major force in what was
termed the American sexual revolution.
Newsweek complimented the magazine on
its editorial excellence, while chiding us
on our “peep-show” interest in sex. This
is, of course, the point of rrAYnov—a

response to the puritan repression that has
for too long pitted mind and body against
each other, The impact of the magazine
has been incalculable, altermg our atti
tudes about ourselves and about the society
in which we live—influencing our views
not only on sex and nudity but also on
n male), contem-
ions in PLAYBOY
nspired a revolution in the graphics of
magazines and other media) and a broad
spectrum of other subjects and interests.
PLAYBOY is, today, the most successful,
selling men's magazine in America
and abroad— published in six languages
in addition to English (and Braille). Our
sophisticated Rabbit emblem (designed by
Art Director Arthur Paul for the first issue
and appearing, in one form or another,
on every cover thereafter) is one of the
most familiar commercial wademarks in
the world—iepreseming not only ше
magazine but an entire entertainment em-
pire, including books, merchandise, mo-
tion pictures, television productions,
clubs, hotels and casinos. But nonc of this
is as important as the ongoing adven-
ture shared with you, the rcaders—of.
editing each new issue of the publication.
By way of celebration on t 25th
birthday, we have produced this special
Silver Anniversary Issuc—a rich package of
articles, fiction, art and photography —
to amuse, entertain and edify. It contains
its share of nostalgia—including an illus-
tated history of the publication—but
more than a retrospective of the past 25
years of PLAYBOY, it is intended as a prom-
se of editorial excellence, integrity, insight
and iconoclasm for the 95 years ahead.
Stay with us, for the best is yet to come.

our

Editor and Publisher

Introducing Rich tight
The first low ‘tar’cigarette good enough

to be called Hie

LOW TAR - ENRICHED TOBACCO

Available in Kings and 100%.

Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health.
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LOOKS LIKE WE MADE IT. Twenty-five years old and bigger and
better than ever. On this auspicious occasion, it may be
appropriate to ask us what it's like to work for the world’s
best magazine. Well, we can tell you it’s no picnic. Manu-
scripts, for instance, get soggy in the Jacuzzi. Beautiful women
clog the hallways. Editors are often dragged off the courts in
mid-set just to meet deadlines. Last week, a laser acted up in
the tenth-floor disco and burned a hole in the communal
water bed. spilling Dom Pérignon all over the sable bed-
spread. Could you work under those conditions? We think not.

But, hey, we're pros. Despite such hardships, we've man-
aged to put together a fantastic Silver Anniversary issue,

For the Playboy Intervicw in this landmark issue, we've
chosen one of the best actors of the past quarter century,
Marlon Brando, Brando will seldom talk to the press, much less
consent to an interview of this length. But our interviewer,
lawrence Grobel, who has interviewed Dolly Parton, Henry
Winkler and Barbra Streisand for us, persevered (over a
period of one and a half years) and Brando delivered a
remarkable self por

Our fiction offerings are no less momentous. Arthur C. Clarke,
who, at last count, had racked up 26 appearances in these
pages, is back with a vengeance. We've got two excerpts from
his new novel, The Fountains of Paradise, that will be pub-
lished this winter by Harcourt Brace Jovanovich. Part two
will run in February. It’s large-scale sci-fi in the tradition of
his 2001: A Space Odyssey and it's rumored that this will be
his final novel. Clarke lives in what can be called monastic
splendor on the island of Sri Lanka (see photo at right),
where he entertains visitors from around the world and scuba
dives in the bay. (Ignacio Gomer illustrated Clarke's piece.)

‘This isn’t John updikes first shot, either. In fact, its his
eighth. Just last May, he gave us The Faint. This time, the
prolific imagist explores the bittersweet feclings of a couple
about to split in Gesturing. Knopf is about to publish his
new novel, The Coup.

Even Cowgirls Get the Blues established Tom Robbins as one
of the foremost novelists of the acid generation, perhaps the
only one who survived the Sixties with his mind and sense of
humor intact. The Purpose of the Moon marks his first ap-
pearance in PLAYBOY. CLARKE'S SRI LANKA HOUSE.

Whether he's writing as novelist, historian or culture а
critic, Gore Vidal can always be counted on to ripple still
waters with new insights. Did we say ripple? This month's
treatise on the yolatile subjects of sex and politics can only
make waves. The controversy begins with the title, Sex Is
Politics. Kinuko Y. Craft, who illustrated Vidal's Kalki a few
months ago, does her usual fine job on this one.

The hallmark of a good science-fiction writer is that he has
as much appreciation for science as he does for fiction, That's
certainly the case with Ray Bradbury. With our space program
virtually in a holding pattern, Bradbury asks the pertinent
question "Why?" in his essay Beyond 1984 (wi
by Gary Ciccarelli). By the way, Bradbury's story Fahrenheit 451,
which debuted in our March 1954 issue, will open as a stage
play in Los Angeles pril and The Martian Chronicles
will be a УТУ next fall.

Our On the Scene section this month features the latest
advance in television technology, the flat screen, which just
may be an inadvertent commentary on the state of the art.
We're already into our second generation of boob-tube watch-
ers and things seem to be getting worse, not better. David
Halberstam has taken a long, hard look at the pap—especially
what passes as news—that pervades the airways and tries to
divine the reasons for it in Power Failure.

Here in the colonies, we tend to think of

" k =
glishmen srapurv CICCARELLA

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SECONG-CLASS POSTAGE PAID AT ССО. ILL., а AT коо. MALI

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DIXON, GRABOWSKI

MARCUS, REYNOLDS

KERWIN

‘STANDISH

as reserved. But when our straitlaced cousins dof their
chesterfield, like as not, they'll don a dress. This quaint
custom is explored. with humor and semi-understanding by
English actor and author Rober Morley in Why the British
Love to Dress in Drag. Morley's collection of anecdotes,
Book of Bricks (the proceeds of which will benefit autistic
children), will soon be published in this country by Putnam.
Back on the home front, where our own customs are no less
sible, comedian Bill Cosby digs into his scemingly bottomless
store of memories. This time, he recalls that period in all our
lives when sexuality starts to rear its confusing head via п
terious physical changes. His remembrance is titled A Child's
Garden of (Hormonal) Mysteries. Our own Managing ATL
Dircctor, Kerig Pope, provided the illustration.

OF course, we could hardly put together a 25th Anniversary
issue without PLAYBOY stalwart Shel Silverstein. We've been
laughing at his stuff almost from the beginning; but this
time, Shel threw us a change of pace. His contribution is
ballad of epic proportions, The Devil and Billy Markham.
Illustrated by Brad Helland, it shows a side of Silverstein that
we think you'll like just as much as his humor.

Judith Wax hasn't changed at all, though. Her annual round-
up of the year’s happenings, That Was the Year That Was,
still puts everything into hilarious perspective. Judith’s new
book, Starting in the Middle, is due in March. from Holt,
Rinchart and Winston and has been chosen as a Book-ol-the-
Month Club alternate.

Speaking of roundups, Robert Kerwin has corralled a number
of our more famous distall citizens for some cogent thoughts
on the topic Has Women's Lib Greated a New Man? If you
think you know the answers, you may be in for some surprises

Don't let it get you down, though, just flip to old friend
cartoonist Jules Feiffer, who makes an anniversary appearance
in this issue to make sure none of us gets cocky. Feifler seems
to know what's going on even when the rest of us don't.

‘A lot has heen going on in the 25 years we've been produc
ing this magazine. We п iiw know how much until we
started researching the retrospective sections of this issue.
Luckily, we were able to lure Contributing Editor and music
maven David Stendish away from his usual duties at the stereo
long enough to put together The Illustrated History of
Playboy. David provided the text and other loyal staffers
hered the pix (there's a special foldout that shows every.
Playmate and every PLAYBOY cover, ever). And we also collect
са some of the most memorable ladics who have appeared
in these pages under the heading 25 Beautiful Years. It was
an overwhelming undertaking, to say the least.

Naturally, when we finished it all, we started to think
about what the future would bring. That called for some
stargazing, and since our knowledge of astrology is limited
to conversational openers in singles bars, we called on the
doyen of diviners, Sydney Omarr, who went about the task of
Forecasting Playboy's Future. Omarr pulled no punches

When we thought about a Playmate for this issue. w
visioned someone special. We did mot envision what wed
have to go through to get her. You'll find the whole story in
The Great Playmate Hunt. Our great Pla
who was photographed by Dwight Hooker, isin the usual place

There's lots more, naturally. For instance, an еспе pic
torial on Dracula, Interlude with the Undead, with text by
Anne Rice, who penned the best seller Interview with the
Vampire, and pictures by Phillip Dixon, assisted by West Coast
Photography Editor Marilyn Grobowski. А look at Elegance for
the Eighties was illustrated. by Martin Hofiman. David St inberg s
Guide to Disco Etiquette was put together by Associate
tor John Blumenthal and Assistant Photo Editor Michael Berry,
along with Crazylegs Steinberg. Gory Heery handled the cam-
erawork. And, no, we didn't forget our annual salute to the
past year’s centerfold stars, delightfully shot this year by
Ken Marcus and styled by Alison Reynolds.

That's not all; there are plenty of surprises inside. So
welcome to the first issue of our second 25 years!

ally

ču-

mate, Candy Loving.

GOOD TASTE IS MORE THAN AN IMAGE. IT'S A GIFT.
Now, the clear, clean, refreshing taste
of Gordon’s Gin in a beautiful gift package.

GORDON'S DRY GIN СО, LTD., LINDEN, NJ. \
7

LAYBOY.

vol. 26, no. I—january, 1979 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE
PLAYBILL ...... MS
THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY . s iS
DEAR PLAYBOY 23
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS .... 35
DINING & DRINKING .. 42
MUSIC ... 43
BOOKS .. 52
MOVIES . 58
COMING ATTRACTIONS. 5885 64

THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR ....... ams 2 O fd
PLAYBOY SEX POLL ..........-.-.....-. i Е

This month's question: What's the difference between good ond great oral sex?

THE PLAYBOY PHILOSOPHY .
Excerpts from the 25 installments ‘of Editor- Publisher Hugh M. Hefner's observa-
tions on the socio-sexval state of America and ггАүвоү`з role іп it.

THE PLAYBOY FOUNDATION .
Highlights of how rLAYBoY hos translated words into 3 dee ls
social action.

PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: MARLON BRANDO—candid conversation .. . 97
The Godfather of Hollywood's angry young men talks about the Mutiny on the
Bounty disaster, acting awards, the native-American problem and why he
doesn't like to be interviewed.

THE FOUNTAINS OF PARADISE:

PART ONF—fiction . _. .ARTHUR C. CLARKE 146
Beginning what the dean of science fiction has called his last novel. It's a futur-
istic tale of fantasy come true—a real stairway to the stars.

WHY THE BRITISH LOVE TO DRESS

IN DRAG—article . ROBERT MORLEY 151
Our roly-poly raconteur gets on his high heels os he explains why many of his
countrymen satisfy their urge to slip into a slip.

. 84
a chronology of

Stars’ Piayground

25 BEAUTIFUL YEARS—pictorial a

Kid's Quest 1 Of all the beautiful women who've appeared in rLAYBOY, here are the ones we
4 still dream about.

POWER FAILURE —epinion .......-....-- . .DAVID HALBERSTAM 169

If you wonder why network tel
people who run it.

BEYOND 1984—essay ......................... RAY BRADBURY 170
In 1986, when Halley's comet passes again, man may be up there to greet it
on the wings of a cosmic butterfly.

SEX IS POLITICS—essay . . GORE VIDAL 174
Prevailing sexual morality, says the author, not only is a tool of politicians, it's
created by them.

ion is mediocre, consider the mentality of the

Везиша vec 4 GRIN AND BARE IT—pictorial КОДА сз о, бт; RM AS
Fomous men with fantastic women in funny situations we've photographed over
the years.

HAS WOMEN'S LIB CREATED

A NEW MAN?— symposium .. . ROBERT KERWIN 184
Female celebs— from Zsa Zsa to Christine Jorgenson to Bianca Jagger—answer
the question. Needless to say, they don't all agree.

THE GREAT PLAYMATE HUNT—pictorial . . 188
It took a nationwide three-month search to find our 25th Anniversary Playmate,
and in the end, we found not one, but 16 ladies with Playmate potential. See

Eighties Oullcak P. 209 for yourself.

GENERAL OFFICES: PLAYBOY BUILDING, 119 NORTH MICHIGAN AVE.. CHICAGO, ILLINOIS вши. RETURN POSTAGE MUST ACCOMPANY ALL MANUSCRIPTS. DRAWINGS AND PHOTOGRAPHS SUBMITTED
Tf THEY ARE TO BE RETURNED ARD то т Caw BE ADSUWED FOR UNSOLICITED MATERIALE. ALL RIGHTS IN LETTERS SEAT TO PtAYAOY WILL ME TREATED AS UNEONDITION
ALLY ASSIGNED FOR PUBLICATION RrOSts AND AS SUBJECT TO PLAYBOY'S UNRESTRICTED RIGHT ТО EDIT AND TO COMMENT ELLTORALLY. CONTENTS COPYRIGHT © 1979 BY
FLAYEOY. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. T

REPRINTED Im MOLE OR IN PART WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THE PUBLISHER- ANY SIMILARITY BETWEEN THE PEOPLE AMD PLACES IN THE FICTION AND SEKIFICTION IK TH
AND ANY REAL PEOPLE AND PLACES Ts PURELY COINCIDENTAL. CREDITS: COVER: DESIGNED By ARTHUR PAUL. INSIDE COVER: MOUELS/ PLAYMATES MICHELLE DRAKE, DOROTHY STRAT
canant, SUE sm Y CLEVELAND, DEMISE MCCONNELL. RUTH DERI, CANDY LOVING, DESIGNED BY TOM этден. PHOTOGRAPHED BY TOM STAI
PHOTCG RAPHY BY

COVER STORY

Corporote Art Director Arthur Paul, who designed the original Playboy Rabbit in 1953,
updated long-ears especially for our 25th Anniversary. The emblem, in assorted colors, will
be showing a high profile throughout the year.

PLAYMATE PERFECT—playboy's playmate of the month ........... 196
Her name is Candy Loving (honest!) and, wrapped or unwrapped, she's our
loveliest birthday gift of all.

PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor . . . 206

ELEGANCE FOR THE EIGHTIES—cttire . .DAVID PLATT 209
Future fashions from five on-the-rise designers.

INTERLUDE WITH THE UNDEAD—pictoricl essay ........ ANNE RICE 216
The author of Interview with the Vampire says there is sex after death .. . of
soris. And we have pictures to prove it.

UP FOR THE COUNT—cttire LN, DAVID PLATT 226

George Hamilton disproves the old Transylvanian proverb: Never trust a bat
wearing a bow tie.

WORD JOB—humor . JULES FEIFFER 229

GESTURING—fiction .... . JOHN UPDIKE 231
Although husbands and wives part, and take o on new lovers, the marriage can.
never really be broken

FORECASTING PLAYBOY'S

FUTURE—prognostication .. РЕРНИ ..ЅҮРМЕҮ OMARR 235
The star of stargazers checks our birth date against the stellar computer and
gives us a readout on the next 25 big ones.

THE PURPOSE OF THE MOON—fiction ..............TOM ROBBINS 236
If Van Gogh cut off his ear and sent it to Marilyn Manrae, what could Marilyn
send back? This ond similar timely questions ore answered by the authar of
Even Cowgirls Get the Blues.

A CHILD'S GARDEN OF (HORMONAL)

MYSTERIES—humor k esras eee eee eee eee rs cR .BILL COSBY 240
Who knows what mysteries lurk beneath Big people's bathing suits?

Sexual Politics

PLAYBOY'S PLAYMATE REVIEW—pictorial i45 cU oe C OO E . 243
А fond backward glance at last year's terrific 12
А GARLAND OF LECHEROUS VERSE—ribald classic . . 256
THAT WAS THE YEAR THAT WAS—humor ...... WAX 260
A broadside remembrance of assorted people—renowned спа notorious—who, н
for better or worse, made headlines in 78. Beyond 1284
THE ILLUSTRATED HISTORY OF PLAYBOY . ب ر‎ Fi
A special 19-page section devoted to highlights from 25 exciting years, with
text by David Standish and foldouls of all our Playmates and all our covers.
THE ELEVENTH-HOUR SANTA—gifts ..........- Honoocso CEE
Before you do yovr last-minute Christmos shopping, read fis
DAVID STEINBERG'S GUIDE TO DISCO ETIQUETTE—humor .......... 294

Why is it one guy can really operate in a disco, while another guy's boogie
always seems to get in the way of his woogie?

PLAYBOY'S"ANNUAL AWARDS) "с ЖЕ ж ЫЕ С sees ie 300
Hanoring the writers, artists, photographers ond cartoonists who wan aur votes
for 1978's best contributions, plus special 25th Anniversary awards.

CHEERS THROUGH THE YEARS—drink ....... EMANUEL GREENBERG 307
A special blend of 25 drink recipes that have appeared in PLAYBOY over the
past quarter century.

THE DEVIL AND BILLY MARKHAM—verse ........ SHEL SILVERSTEIN 310

PLAYBOY's renaissance man explores new territory. An epic achievement.

PLAYBOY'S PIPELINE . 339
PLAYBOY FUNNIES—humor . 347
PLAYBOY POTPOURRI . 356
LITTLE ANNIE FANNY— so: -HARVEY KURTZMAN ond WILL ELDER 397
P'AYBOYSONSIBEISGENE: О Л MCN es. 401 Robbins’ Revelations P. 236

PLAYBOY

"I have clinched and closed with the naked

North, | have learned to defy and defend;

Shoulder to shoulder we have fought it

out=yet the wild mustwin m the end. ==
Rabon Service

Soft-spoken and smooth,

simmers just below the surfa
T mixed. YUKON |
Canadian liq

isa breed apart; unlike any
иог you've ever tasted.
mported Liqueur made with Blended Canadian Whisky. |

Nakon Sack 0 and 0 root imporiedanc Botledby Hevblein ne Ната Conn Sole Agents USA ГЕ 1907 Dodd Mead Со inc

PLAYBOY

HUGH M. HEFNER
editor and publisher

NAT LEHRMAN associate publisher

ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director
ARTHUR PAUL art director
SHELDON WAX managing editor
GARY COLE photography editor
G. BARRY GOLSON executive editor
TOM STAEBLER executive art director

EDITORIAL

ARTICLES: LAURENCE GONZALES editor; FIC-
TION: VICTORIA CHEN HAIDER editor; STAFF
TERRY CATCHPOLE, WILLIAM J. HELMER,
GRETCHEN MC NEESE, DAVID STEVENS senior edi.
JAMES R. PETERSEN senior staff writer;
JOHN BLUMENTHAL, ROBERT E, CARR, BARBARA
NELLIS, JOHN REZEK associate edilors; WALTER
L. LOWE, KATE NOLAN, J. F. O'CONNOR, TOM
PASSAVANT, ALEXA SERR (forum), ED WALKER
assistant editors; SERVICE FEATURES: TOM
Owrx modern living editor; DAVID PLATT
fashion editor; CARTOONS: MICHELLE URRY
editor; COPY: ARLENE BOURAS editor; JACKIE
JOHNSON FOKMELLER, MARCY MARCHI, MARSHA
MORGAN, SUSAN O'BRIEN, ROSE ORS, MARY ZION
researchers; CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: MUR-
RAY FISHER, NAT HENTOFF, ANSON MOUNT,
PETER ROSS RANGE, RICHARD RHODES, ROBERT
SHERRILL, DAVID STANDISH, BRUCE WILLIAMSON
(movies)

WEST COAST: LAWRENCE 5. DIETZ cdifor
ART

KERIG Pore managing director; LEN WILLIS,
CHET SUSKI sentor directors; BOB VOST, SKIP
WILLIAMSON associate directors; BRUCE HANSEN,
JOSEPH PACZEK assistant directors; BETH RASIK
Senior art assistant; PEARL MIURA (rt assistant;
міскі HAINES traffic coordinator; BARBARA
HOFFMAN administrative assistant

PHOTOGRAPHY
MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; JEFF
COHEN, JANICE Moses associate editors; HOLLIS
WAYNE new york editor; RICHARD TEGLEY,
РОМРЕО РОЅАВ staf/ pholographers; JAMES
LARSON photo manager; BILL ARSENAULT, DON
AZUMA, DAVID CHAN, NICHOLAS DE SCIOSE, PHIL-
LIP DIXON, ARNY FREYTAG, DWIGHT HOOKER,
R. SCOTT HOOPER, RICHARD IZUL, KEN MARCUS
contributing photographers; PATTY nENUDET,
MICHAEL BERRY assistant editors; ALLEN BURRY
(London), Jess MERE HOLLEY (Paris), LUISA
Srewanr (Rome) correspondents; JAMES WARD
color lab supervisor; конєит. CHELIUS admin-
istrative editor

PRODUCTION
JOHN MASTRO director; ALLEN VARGO man-
ager; KLEANORE WAGNER, MARIA MANDIS,
JODY JURGETO, RICHARD QUARTAROLL assistants

READER SERVICE.
JANE COWEN SCHOEN manager

CIRCULATION
RICHARD SMITH director; J. К. ARDISSONE news-
stand sales manager; ALVIN WIEMOLD subscrip-
tion manager

ADVERTISI
HENRY №. MARKS advertising director

ADMINISTRATIVE
MICHAEL LAURENCE business manager; PATRICIA
PAPANGELIS administrative editor TERESA
MCKEE rights & permissions manager; M
DRED ZIMMERMAN administrative assistant

PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, ING.
DERICK J. DANIELS president

LEE FITS AMERICA

We designed a Honda
for the real world.

Some of the other automobile manufacturers are fond
of showing their cars tearing around a test track or running
an obstacle course full of pylons.

And that's fine with us. We have a test track at Honda, too.
But stop and think a minute. When was the last

time you had to avoid a pylon? The real world isn’t pylons.
It's potholes.

We designed all our Hondas with front-wheel drive. ‘This
means our cars have good traction, a characteristic that
is particularly welcome when you’re driving in rain or snow.

Add to this the precise control that comes with rack
and pinion steering and power-assisted front disc brakes,
and you find yourself with an exceptionally agile car.

Naturally, since we're talking about the real world, you

have to remember that you're bound to hit a pothole now
and then. Thats why all our Hatchbacks and Sedans

have four-wheel independent MacPherson strut suspension.
This way the car suffers the indignities of the street, rather
than the driver.

Of course, the real world is also filled with lots of nice
smooth highways and perfectly-paved streets. And if a Honda
is designed to handle potholes, imagine how well

it must handle on all those roads where there aren't any.

We make it simple.

THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY

in which we offer an insider's look at what's doing and who's doing it

AH, SHAKESPEARE
WAS NEVER LIKE THIS!

"Playboy Mansion West,”
wrote Wanda McDaniel of
the Los Angeles Herald-
Examiner, "emerged over
ihe weekend as symbolic
headquarters for all the
world to come courting
causes or finding fantasies."
She referred to Hugh M.
Hefner's hosting an E.R.A.
benefit (see page 16) and
his Midsummer Night's
Dream party, pictured here,
on conseculive evenings.

Above, actress Edy Williams it
conversation with basketball's
Chamberlain:
at right, comedian Jack Carter
does a dance turn with ex-wife.

Above, our genial host
surveys the scene with
one of his guests, ac-
tress Polly Bergen; at
right, Warren Cowan (о!
the public-relations firm
of Rogers and Cowan)
laughs it up with Teddy-
bear-toting Jane Harvey.
For this event, a yearly
must at Hefner's Holmby
Hills estate, even the bar-
tenders wear PJs; bath-
robes are supplied at the
door for forgetful arrivals.

Hef, actor Michael Callan and his wife, model Karen Malouf,
take a moment to chat at the Midsummer Night's Dream party
(above), as do (below, from left) actor James Caan, Ingrid
Greer and pro-lootbali great turned Hollywood star Jim Brown.

Our April 1978 Playmate, Pamela Jean Bryant, clai
tention of actor Burt Young (who admitted to Herald-Exa

THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY

PLAYBOY HOSTS POST-TENNIS-TOURNEY PARTY

Sol Berg (below left), owner of the New York Apples professional tennis team, and
woman all-star Billie Jean King (subject of the March 1975 Playboy Interview) were
among the guests at a cocktail party at the New York Playboy Club following the

finals of the Apples/Playboy Challenge mixed-doubles tennis tournament at
Madison Square Garden. Below right, leading tennis pro Vitas Gerulaitis talks with
Playboy Vice-President and Advertising Director Henry Marks; at right, model Cheryl
Tiegs, a surprise guest, gets in a few licks on the court. Tournament finals were
held later at the Playboy Resort & Country Club at Great Gorge, New Jersey.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CENTURY CITY

Bunny Angela feeds Hef the first bite of cake from the Century City Playboy
Club's celebration of its fifth anniversary in its present site; Bunny Kat locks on.

N.W.P.C. FEATURES TRUDEAU
Cartoonist Garry (Doonesbury) Trudeau obliges a

fan (above) at a National Women's Political Cau-
cus luncheon hosted by Playboy veep Christie
Hefner in the Chicago Playboy Club VIP Room.
Other guests (below, from left): N.W.P.C. advisory-

board member Marjorie Benton, syndicated col- E.R.A. AIDED BY MANSION WEST EVENT

umnist Ann Landers, the Today show's Jane Pauley. | A. mayor Tom Bradley and actress Jean Stapleton (below left) were among
notables at a Playboy Mansion West benefit for the National Organization for
Women's E.R.A. Strike Force; below right, Los Angeles NOW coordinator
Gloria Allred and Christie Hefner watch as Hef adds his name to a petition
asking Congress to grant an extension of the E.R.A. ratification deadline.

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THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY

BUNNY DANA IN SHOWBIZ

Ex-New York Bunny Dana Valentien (below right)
joins James (Marcus Welby) Brolin, Serena
BlaqueLord (left) and Sharon Mitchell in Night
of the Juggler, a film about the world of porno.

COVER GIRL ON TUBE

One of our favorite models, Robyn
Douglass (that's her cover
pose from the Decem-
ber 1974 issue at left),
has a new acting career;
as Gussie, she co-starred
with Art Hindle in the
NBC-TV science-fiction mov-
ie The Clone Master (below).

PLAYMATE UPDATE:
MISCH MAKES MOVIE

Recognize Miss February 1975,
Laura Misch (in a pose from
her Playmate shooting, at left),
in the movie scene above?
That's Laura at the right, Anne
Michelle at the left in the film
French Quarter, which, like
Pretty Baby, deals with life in
the Storyville red-light district
о! New Orleans; Virginia Mayo
stars as Countess Willie Piazza,
madam of a 1910 whorehouse.

DAINA HOUSE GUESTS ON TV SERIES

When we last checked in with our January 1976 centerfold girl, Daina House
(see The World of Playboy, September 1978), she was appearing in The Last
of the Cowboys; since, she’s done an episode for NBC’s CPO Sharkey (above).

The most romantic gift of fragrance
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THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY

FLEETWOOD MAC, O. J. SIMPSON
AMONG GUESTS AT LAKE GENEVA RESORT

Among the celebrities who have found Playboy's Lake Geneva Resort &
Country Club а nice place to visit: Fleetwood Mac (above, with Bunny
Desiré), who stayed there during a nearby gig, and O. J. Simpson (with
Bunny Tana, at right), quest at lhe Acme Boot Company convention there.

CARTOONISTS LIVE IT UP

Guests at a New York cocktail party honoring
Playboy Funnies artists included (above, from left)
Stan Drake, Funnies contributor and creator of The
Heart of Juliet Jones; Cartoon Editor Michelle - чеша
Urry and Associate Ar! Director Skip Williamson. IS A BASEBALL DIAMOND A PLAYMATE'S BEST FRIEND?

The gatefold girls were invited to referee a celebrity baseball game а! USC's
Dedeaux Field, but they got in their innings, too. Above, Hope Olson (left) and
Debra Jensen with sponsor Bill McEnteer; below, Ashley Cox goes to bat.

UN LINT
3 ا‎ ees

йы d

SILVER JUBILEE FOR PAUL

Staflers honored Art Director Arthur Paul (above)
with a specially designed card (and a lot of cham-
pagne) on his 25th anniversary with the magazine.

Inseparable.

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DOLLY’S A DILLY
Your October
Parton, by L
tional! It is really personal and 1 don't
care what anyone says, Dolly Parton
looks beautiful in those flashy outfits.
Mont
Arlington, Virgi

Dolly Parton fans are going to rave
about your October cover. Needless to
say, everyone will be voicing his joy
over Dolly's chest (which deserves com-
pliment). However, what is more im.
pressive than Dolly's chest is her smile
There is only one thing sweeter than
the smile and that is the person in the
interview.

L.A. Ellis
Minneapolis, Minnesota

As a result of your interview with the
magnificent Dolly Parton, you have one
more diehard fan to add to your list. 1С
people think about what she says and
believes, they can't help but love and
mire her as I do. Thank you, rLayuoy,
for a very enjoyable issue.
Wesley Townsley
Bozeman, Montana

Your interview with Dolly Parton is
great! She is a great lady. A great singer,
songwriter, author and soon-to-be actress.
Lawrence Grobel did a great job,

Dean Cress
Lexington, Kentucky
Great to hear, Dean.

I just read. your interview with Dolly
Parton and am I pissed! It should have
been at least 100 questions longer and
some more photos wouldn’t have hurt,
either,
Frank E. Boyette
Gainesville, Florida

Never have I felt so moved, been so
touched as I was by the interview with

Dolly Parton. Dp made me feel that T

g- Her enthusiasm

Not dh Hollywood, California

Having read the interview with Dolly

Parton, I am convinced that the majo

of her bosom is filled with heart.
Tommy Stanford
Canal Point, Florida

Where'd she get those eyes? Your Oc-
tober cover is the best I've seen, and
Dolly Parton's inte w is the most de-
lightful since you did Germaine Greer
and R. Buckminster Fuller.

R. L. Jones
Jacksonville, Florida

If America ever needs a replacement
for the sun, may it be in the
Dolly Parton.
Nate Adams
Kearsarge, New Н.

She makes me fcel like I could do any
thing. Just reading her interview m
me feel happy. rrAvBov, I thank you for
bringing this bit of joy into my life.

P. Rojas

Mar Vista, California

Alter reading your interview with
Dolly Parton, 1 have come to the conclu-
sion that she has only three things going
for her. The first two are quite obvious
and the third one is a hell of a lot of class.

Monty E. Ritchey
Gresham, Oregon

Thanks for the greatest Playboy In-
terview yet! 1 now know the r
Parton—down to earth, human

C. Kirtley
Moberly, Missouri

Your October cover is one of the best
ever. Dolly Parton is truly an attractive

PLavmoy (issn 0023-1476), JANUARY, 1979, VOLUME 24, NUMBER V. FuMLIsHEE MONTHLY BY FLATEOY, PLATHOY LOG,

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Something Special
Under the Tree.

Playboy.

Give your friends a subscription 10 PLAYBOY — the gift that
speaks well of you and the men you give it to.

From sports to fashion, interviews to fiction, it's the m;
designed to entertain men who are a step ahead of th
Your friends will be impressed. What's more. they'll be reminded
of your good taste each time their monthly issue arrives
through the year.

Don't take my word alone. Take Playmate Sondra Theodore s.
She'll vouch for the PLAYBOY man.

LILY JOHN
TOMLIN | TRAVOLTA

| ~ Universal Pictures presents A Robert Stigwood Production
Lily Tomlin - Joh Travolta “Moment by Moment"

'oducers Bob LE Mond and Los Zetter
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lady. Now, if you could just get her off
the cover and into the centerfold.

Jim Martin

Kansas City, Missouri

My compliments to you on your inter-
view with Dolly Parton. 1 found it very
revealing and, at the same time, extreme-
ly refreshing. She's ап honest and open
person with many provocative and new
ideas.

M. A. Carr
Decatur, Illinois

What а fantastic interview! PLAYBOY,
Grobel and. Dolly really have it together.
You should make Grobel your perma-
nent interviewer and Dolly your. perma-

o Ridge, Illinois

I never really thought too inuch about
Dolly Parton until I read your October
imterview. Contrary to what she herself
may believe, I found her to be an abso-
Iutely beautiful woman in all ways!

Pamela Littlefield
Cherry Grove, Pennsylvania

October's cover with Dolly Parton real-
ly shows some class! As a wife whose
husband has been receiving pLavnoy for
four years, I'm finally convinced that
you're not that bad.

Debbie Jahn
Columbia, Illinois

Just before we went to press, October
interview subject Dolly Parton was se-
lected as the winner of the Country Mu-
sic Association’s Entertainer of the Year
Award. We congratulate her on the
award, as well as on her dynamite
interview.

BIG WHEELS
After racking my brain unsuccessfully
for days for the perfect present for my
husband on his 30th birthday, T was
thrilled to find the article Wheels for the
Man Who Thinks Big, by Donald Cl
kin, in your October issue. In fact, I have
just returned from ordering two Ameri-
can La France Century Series pumpers—
one for my husband and one for myself.
After all, it isn’t only men who think big!
Carol Aun Quatrone-Torres
New York, New York
Sounds like just the thing for a Е
men’s Ball.

REQUIEM FOR LEON

As a boxing fan, I read with interest
Phil Berger's article on Leon Spinks
(Spinks, PLaypoy, October). It was writ-
ten with gusto. Although the piece pre-
ceded Spinkss last fight for the cham-
pionship, it was like an obituary for the
сха

ар.
Luis R. Enadra
North Brunswick, New Jersey

I presume many would agree that Ali
will be the world champ until the title

PLAYBOY

If itcomes from Saronno,
it must be love.

Because Saronno is where the drink of love began.
With Amaretto di Saronno. The original drink of love. There are all kinds
of love in this world. But true love comes only from Saronno.

Amaretto di Saronno: The Original.

Liqueur 56 proof Imperred by Foren Vintages, Ine Jericho, New Work, ©) 1978,

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is given to someone with the boxing
ability to deserve it and the responsibil-
ity that goes with it. Certainly, Spinks is
not our man,
Dawn Pacheco
Miami, Florida

It’s quite obvious that Spinks isn't the
champion of the news media or the crit-
ics. His ary actions and wildness
can be credited to the restrictive life of
poverty im his ghetto environment. Not
to say that such is an excuse for thought-
less action or the inability to speak
fluently. But, damn, give him some air;
let him do his thing.

Mike Karim-Bey

Petersburg, Virginia

RABBIT TEST

Here is another example of the famous
and apparently ubiquitous Rabbit image
appearing in an unlikely place. The

picture is taken from a medical diag-
nostic ultrasound study of a human liver
I previously did not consider the liver a
sex organ, though I have heard that cer-
tain depraved butchers get off on calf's
liver,

J. P. Dils, М.р.

Phoenis, Arizona

PLOTS CONTINUE

Nothing has been overworked in the
publishing world as much as Watergate.
While I found The Plot 10 Wreck the
Golden Greek (pLaynoy, September), by
Jim Hougan, a super story of the spook
game, to label it merely a prelude to
Watergate hardly is a complete descrip-
ipulation of events through
wire tapping, lawsuits and all kinds of
payoffs is no less a part of the Washing-
ton scene today than at any time in the
pist.

tion. )

Stuart G. Crane
Yardley, Pennsylvania

Jim Hougan's article on О:
totally oblique and biased a
establishment that it creates s
its veracity and his motive.

Gary E. Kilbourn
Sacramento, California

assis is so
ainst the
picion of

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that my knowledge had grown outdated,
I determined to buy The Joy of Sex,
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PLAYBOY

Ovid's Ars Amaloria. But, lo! Robert
Shea's witty and lucid article on solving
our sex problems (rLavsoy, October)
convinced me that my $6.95 would bc
better spent on massage oil and new
towels. E especially liked Shea's memories
of high school sex in the Fifties. I had
forgotten my own circle’s bit of folk wis-
dom: If a girl touched а guy's left shoul-
der blade—it had to be the left one—he'd.
immediately launch an all-out attack.
Never again did I hear of such an iron-
dad guarantee. | particularly congratu-
late Shea on writing an entire article
about sex without once using the phrase
meaningful relationship.
Carol Sanders

field, Connecticut

Robert Shea's article on sexual prob-
lems manages to say more in fewer than
3000 words than most books on the sub-
ject. And far more entertainingly, too!
Altogether а wise, humane and—that
rarity in this usually glum, dour area—
witty piece of work.

Bob Abel
New York, New York

Stop sending me smutty articles.

Al Goldstein

New York, New York
Is that a professional opinion, Al?

EASY ROLLER
When I opened your October issue, T
was delightiully surprised to see the most
beautiful thing ever on roller skates—
Marcy Hanson! This lovely lady gets my
vote for Playmate of the Year. Hope to
see more of her real soon
Dave Pany
Glendale, California

Your pictorial uncoverage of Marcy
Hanson, Miss October, is excellent; how-
I must point out that the photos are
in arrears in onc asspect—how could you
so delightfully display all her physici
assets butt neglect the derrière?

Fred W. Conrad
Racine, Wisconsin

eve

Thank you for the great pictorial of
Marcy Hanson. She is definitely not a
dumbbell or a moron, though that is the
part in Rollergirls she was made to pla
On her next acting job, 1 hope she gets
better writers than the burnouts who
created and wrote for that stupid show.

Wally Simpson, Jr.
Waldwick, New Jersey

I think your October Playmate feature
is unusually good. Marcy's layout pro-
jects а warmth that’s rare іп people,
much less in pix and print, She must be
a lovely woman to know.

Michael D. Sullivan
Seattle, Washington

Your exquisite presentation of Marcy
Hanson is, in my opinion, the best of

your current issues. She is by far the
sharpest and sexiest lady this year.
John Robertson
Spring Grove, Virginia

Marcy Hanson is the sexiest Playmate
you've ever had! When I look into her
eyes (when I'm not concentrating on her
other features), I realize that my body
temperature isn’t the only thing that is
rising! She should be Playmate of the
Year. Would you be so kind as to pub-
lish another picture of the lovely Miss
Hanson?

Steve Smith

Sacramento,

If Marcy on roller skates makes your
temperature rise, this shot of her in the

sauna should bring you to the boiling
point.

It's been a week since I first saw Marcy
Hanson in your October issue and I still
feel compelled to write and thank you. I
have never in my 26 vears on earth seen
a more beautiful woman. Thanks to
Mario Casilli for capturing her so
brilliandy.

P. J. Patterson
San Jose, California

Yes, I did watch Marcy in Rollergirls
on TV and I thought she was sharp then.
But I didn't rcalize just how sharp until
I saw the terrific pictures taken of her by
photographer Mario Casilli. She looks
mighty fine, wet or dry.

Jim Bowers
Marion, Ohio

BELL RINGER

I consider Arthur Bell's article Kings
Don’t Mean a Thing (rtAtov, October)
much more than just a recounting of a
murder. It is an investigation of the
fabric of the gay lifestyles available to us
who choose a homosexual existence, Jt is

a look at the heterosexual society in toto
and at the degree to which it is willing
to interact with us. But I consider the
chicf importance and the beauty of the
work to lie in its autobiographical pas-
sages. Bell's emotional involvement in
the Knight case lays bare the life of an
investigative reporter with candor, wit
and а sorrowlulness. After rereading the
article, I kept wondering whether
Kings . . . will be to the Seventies what
Richard Wright’s Black Boy was to the
Fifties, God hope so.

Brandon Judell

New York, New York

PAC BACKERS
I would like to compliment rLaysoy
on its college-coeds series in general and
on the two-part Girls of the Pac 10 seg
ment in particular. Although all of the
coeds are quite beautiful, the Pac 10 girls
taken as a group are outstanding.
William Cantrell
Blacksburg, Virginia

I have to hand it to you, I believe
you've made the find of a decade! In
Girls of the Рас 10: Part H1. [PLAYBoY,
October], you picture Helen Hestenes,
who, im my opinion, has got to be the
best-looking lady since BB herself!

Gary Hovey
Oronoco, Minnesota

Trs a tough choice, 1 T had to
choose а roommate, Т would definitely
study with Paulette Spirit. Women like
her make me wish I were back in college!

Bob Schroeder
Trenton, New Jersey

Thanks, rtaysoy, for reinstilling my
faith in America’s educational system.
Bob Ross
Boston, Massachusetts

Ali! Ali! Ali! Ali Duerr. The undisput-

mpion of the Girls of the Pac 10.
"Todd W. Hendrickson
Cleveland, Ohio

is
not hard te sec why USC fields such а
good team year in and усаг our. I know
Y'd play harder if she were rooring for me!
Richard T. McKenner
Oncida, New York

ancy Amons is a football fan,

Laurel Haniman is definitely Playmate.
aterial.

d DeWald
„ Texas

Richa
Austi!

I find that I keep returning to Toni
Turner, She is, if anything, a turn-on!
Rick Tol
Corvalli

. Oregon

We Big 10 fans have been cheated.
PLAYBOY gave the Pac 10 two issues to
show its beautiful girls, while the Big 10

wine drinker’ E

ndy. «

Enjoy the holidays with

light, bright Coronet VSQ

brandy. Gift-wrapped at
no extra cost.

i Coronet

PLAYBOY

Go ahead. Let her

get close

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got only one. The Big 10 has just as
many beautiful girls and they deserve
equal exposure.

ей Grendysa

Dearborn Heights, Michigan

After having reviewed. your pictorial
Gils of the Pac 10, I've got just one thing
Oh, God, why did I quit school?

Robert R. Robinson
San Diego. i

105

Those girls of the Pac 10 are great!
1 sure wish they would come East.
Patrick Mulkey
Durham, North Carolina

Congratulations on your course on the
Gils of the Pac 10. How n у semester
hours does one get credit for in this class?

Leon W. Mongold
Petersburg. West Vii

We don't give credit, but you won't

find better homework in any class.

inia

OUR SATANIC MAJESTY

Congratulations on your 25th Anni-
versary as agents for Satan in the United
States of America

It is relatively simple for
lectual person to equate the breakdowns
in morality and of the family unit, and
the increase in all types of sin in the
United States, to the advent of your
magazine on the newss

You could also includ
25-year hedonistic accomplishments vast
: The Use of Drugs (Mari-
juana, Hallucinogenics, etc). Divorce
Rate, Teenage Pregnancy, Mental Dis-
orders, Venereal Disease (Including New
Strains), Disrespect for God, Law and
Order, Unlimited Homosexuality, Child
Pornography, Abuse and. Rape, Prostitu-
tion, Child Ab nt, Robbery and
Violent Grime of All Types, Including
Kidnaping. Extortion, Arson, Hijacking,
Permissiveness, Communal Bestial Liv-
ing, etc... .

ny intel-

nd.

n your list of

increases

E. “Bud” Grilfy, IH
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Gee, Bud, we didn't know you cared.

RIGHT ON, RANGE

At last something factual and compli-
mentary to Jamaica has been published.
I refer to “The Good Life Down Jamaica
Way." by Peter Ross Range (Playboy's
Pipeline, October). For some years now,
it has been fashionable to publish de-
ropatory descriptions of Jamaica with
little. if any, truth in them: Fm sure they
are usually written by people who have
never spent much time on the beautiful
iMand so filled with such refreshingly
warm people and perfect warm weather.
m J. Katwrein, Jr.
n Lake, New York

My wife and 1 spent ten glorious days
on the island and must agree with Peter
Ross Range. We found no signs of any

revolution or even unrest. Every native
we encountered treated us as we ех-
pected. The people were very friendly
and were always ready t0 answer any
questions we mîj € about the island.

Easthampton, Massachusetts

UPCOMING PLAYMATE
Enclosed please find a photograph of
my daughter, Sarah. I thought the birth-

- lower back would interest
three months old.
Rachelle Sher
Moorestown, New Jersey
Thanks, Mom. Please send a similar
shot in about 18 years; we'll publish
that, loo.

mark on he
you. She

THE MODEL, T

Give us a full-length interview with
Cheryl. 20 Questions (pLaysoy, October)
just isn’t enough, Certainly, one picture
isn't enough.

Douglas Leman
San ncisco, California

I think Chery! Tiegs is fantastic and I

love the picture included in the interview.
Carl Newman

Norval. On

Apparently, reporter John Hughes was
more concerned with Cheryl Tiegs's hav-
ing just showered than he was with ask-
ing questions we'd care to have answered.
If he had to play 20 Questions, why
bother finding that she might appreciate
having her likeness on the nose of a B-17?
1 hope Hughes will invest the many
dollars he received for the piece in a
restful book such as Dick and Jane and
Cheryl Go to the Prom!

Bob Musk
Fort Worth, Texas

Congratulations to John Hughes on
his fantastic interview with Cheryl T

Not only is the photo by Bill King
extremely provocative but the interview
hows Cheryl to be a warm, lovable
tionate woman, the kind any other hı
man being could not help but fall
love with. Thanks. rravmov and Miss
iegs, simply for being.

Anderson
Beach, Virgin

John Hughes's contribution of 20
Questions: Cheryl Ticgs shows her as a

many men would I
a the afirma

€ to

J- R- Staton
ater, OKI

homa

T am amused and irked. True, Cheryl
Tiegs is one greatlooking woman, but
how dare she describe herself as "real"
when she's never done a household choi
in her life? Sounds most

Vicki Hodges Starks

Nashville, Tennessee

HJORTSBERG'S ANGEL

Mickey Spillane à la reggae? 1 just had.
a drink (well, two drinks) to calm. my
nerves alter reading William Н jortsberg’s
Falling Angel (eLavwoy, October). The
first half of this novel gave me the wil-
lies. But my feelings were not caused by
obeah, murder or mayhem. Evidently,
келу b їїўон-

murder the detective novel by cuu
out its sex and smothering it in
earlier decade. And, frankly, I'm scared

Excuse me, I'm

going to have a third

ashington, D.C.

Congratulations on Falling Angel, by
William Hjortsberg. Shades of Mickey
Spillane and Mike Hammer. As pooped
as I was after a tough day, when my Oc-
tober PLAYnoy arrived, 1 just couldn't
put it down until I'd read all of part
one. And now ГИ have to maintain this
“till the November issue arrives!

Norbert J. Wyzkowski
Реогі

, Hlinois

PLAYBOY PLAUDITS

I am a student at Wake Forest Uni-
versity and last year 1 took out a sub-
scription to your magazine. After reading
12 issues, 1 have come to the conclusion
that for humor, fiction, revealing inter-
views and tasteful fringe benefits,
rLAYROY is not the best but the only
choice one can make to get such quality
enterta ment.

mphr
Winston-Salem, North Caro!
Thanks, we needed that,

Remember when this was the only thing
you wanted in the whole world2

Johnnie Walker
Black Label Scotch

SEARS 12 OLD

12YEAR OLD BLENDED SCOTCH WHISKY, 86.5 PRODF.BDTTLED IN SCOTLAND.IMPORTED BY SOMERSET IMPORTERS, LTD. N Y.

PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS

GETTING THE SHAFT
In 1942, lightning struck the foot of
Roy C. Sullivan of Grottoes, Virgi
and clipped off one of his toenails. In
1969, a shaft of lightning knocked Sulli-
van unconscious and singed his evebrows.
In 1970, Sullivan was hit by lightning a
third timc, burning both of his shoulders.
In 1972, lightning burned Sullivan's hair
off. In 1973, a bolt struck Sullivan but
burned off only some of his hair. In 1976,
lightning again struck Sullivan on the
shoulder. In 1977, lightning hit Sullivan
for the seventh time, setting his hair on
fire once more and singeing his clothing.
“Some people аге allergic to flowers; I'm
allergic to lighming,” says Sullivan. “It’s

funny stuff.” Simply hilarious.

LEGAL BABBLE

Everyone knows that lawyers speak dif-
ferently from the rest of us and that the
language of legal documents bears little
nship to everyday English. Our
tention has recently been drawn to a
book by UCLA law professor David
Mellinkolt, The Language of the Law, in
which he explains what lawyers and legal
documents are saying.

Mellinkoff observes that, all too often,
legal babble is comprised of “flabby
words, and, in addition, many of them are
treacherous.
that they
ur

Were it not for the fact
been rep
litionally by other lawyers, no lawyer

have used

atedly,

ive would independently choose any of
And here are some of the

Mellinkoll has in mind, to-

these words.”
words th:

gether with his description of their
origins:

+ And/or: "This unfortunate expres-
sion . . . has been clouding the law for

more than 100 years and. has roots that
go centuries deeper into the confusions of
English translation of Latin conjunc-
tions. . . . It has belligerent enthusiasts
within the profession, although the very
first time it was called into question, in
1854, and/or was given not one but three

meanings and ever since it has been the
repeated and direct cause of uncertainty,
litigation and courtroom failure.”

* Hereafter: “This Old English word
has been wandering in the wilderness of
the common speech for more than 1000
years, now point
now to the world-to-come

ng to the nextin-order,
For the 1:
hereafter is equally uncertain, usually
looking to the future, but never seeing it
very clearly.”

+ Aforesaid: “This lay combination
from Middle English has been causing
trouble for more than 300 years. Its pui
pose is to refer to something that has
been said, and its chief vice is that you
can't be sure what it refers to.

+ Forthwith: “The fact that this is
Middle English dating from ар age
when miracles were more common and
kings wı
right now has given forthwith an air of
imagined urgency, Like presto! and olf
with his head! But as with other time
words, forthwith suflers from uncertainty
if it is permitted to wander loose.”

+ Whereas: “One of the most persist-
ently typical and most consistently

re accustomed to being obeyed

vague words in the language ol the law.
It has as many meanings as you have
patience, some of them poles apart. One
moment whereas means the-fact-is, and
the next moment it reverses course to
mean in-spite-of-the-fact; now it is con-
sidering-that; now it is on-the-conuary.

GET LOST

A friend of ours named George Theo-
dore is a privale investigator, working
ont of Elmhurst, Ilinois, who special
in finding missing persons. One day,
while he was telling us of his latest in-
exploits, we stopped
short with this: “Yeah, George, that's
fine—now tell us how somebody would
go about avoiding people like you.
How would they stay missing and truly
disappear?”

George promised to think about that
and jot down some notes. Here is what
he wrote.

Step one: Change your name. Re-
search newspaper accounts of young
children dying about the time you were
born; note the parents names and pro-
ceed to the Bureau of Vital Statistics to
order а copy of the child's birth certifi-
cate, Take the certificate to the
post office and apply for a new Social
Security number; if this presents a prob-
lem, due to new Social Security regula-
tions, simply advise the Social Security
me change
nd have your old Social Security num-
ber reflect this.

Take your Social Security
and birth certificate to the voters
tration office and apply for a
card, With these three pieces of iden-
tification, you can apply for a driver's
license, preferably in a larger city. (Be
sure to have these documents sent to an
address other than your own, such as
that of a mail-forwarding service.)

Step two: Move to another state. To
reduce the possibility of your acciden-
tally running into someone you know,

westigaliur him

birth

Administration of your n

card

gis-
voter's

new

PLAYBOY

move to an area that people are unlikely
to visit (ie., don't move to Las Veg s).

Step three: Break off all contact with
relatives and friends. A highly skilled
investigator can employ sophisticated
pretexts that will deceive even the most
alert person, and those closest to you
could inadvertently betray you.

Step four: Give up any
bies. Persons with special interests live
in a small world, and they are bound to
run into a known fellow hobbyist even-
tually. One man whose hobby was target
shooting was located when his picture
appeared in а gun-club-newsletter ac-
count of a shooting competition. In
another case, a fishing enthusiast was
located when a former
fra
the latest fishing gear

Step five: Change your vocation
reason as step four—
and someone, som
you.

Step six: Aller your appearance. This
probably won't fool anyone wha knows
you well but should be sufficient to
throw off casual acquaintances. Dye your
hair, cut it or let it grow out; if you
wear glasses or contacts, interchange
them: adopt a new clothing style: grow
a beard or mustache, or shave it off if
you have one.

Step seven: Remain low-key. IF your
fingerprints are on file, do not get a job
that requires them. Do not take a high-
profile job. Never achieve a position of
importance. Don't become entangled in
any legal altercations, Don't do anything
that brings attention to yourself.

WHOOPEE!

Gulf & Western Industries, Inc., has
developed a new "pulsating scat cush
ion" that is designed to improve the
blood circulation "in the lower extremi-
ties” of long-distance drivers. The cush-
ion will be marketed to truckers. Very
excited truckers,

tous hob-

xjuaintance rec-

ognized him at

de show featuring

^s a small world

. may recognize

PICKUP LINE OF
THE MONTH
"Have you been sitting in a puddle,
you just glad to see me

MONKEYING AROUND
n a choice between food and co-
caine, many humans would opt for the
drug. Given a choice between food and
cocaine, three rhesus monkeys at the
Medical College of Virginia did just that.
It was the result of an experiment in
which the monkeys were taught how to
push а series of levers so that they could
obtain food by following one pattern
and obtain cocaine by following another.
And for the duration of the eight-day
experiment, the monkeys chose the co-
ine "almost exclusively,” according to

Science megazine; and the reason for the
simians’ preference, says project director
Dr. Robert Balster, is that coke “makes
them feel good."

The only other news we have is Ш
the three monkeys have 5
act and have an album
climbing the charts.

t
ned a

ince si

recording con

IT'S ALL RIGHT, MA
There was a national conference on
The Medical Side of Rescue held in
Colorado Springs recently, where para-
medic types got together to talk about

meeting “the medical needs of rescue
victims.” One of the panel discussions
dealt with specific situations and was
described thusly in the conference bro.
chure: “NATURAL pisasrers. Floods, Tor-
nadoes, Earthquakes, Rock Festivals.

GHOST CALLERS

Everybody knows that the dead are
supposed to haunt houses, speak through
mediums and show up in Vincent Price
movies, But talk over the telephone?

A bizarre idea, perhaps, but one that
two Los Angeles parapsychologists—D.
Scott Rogo and Raymond Bayless—have
been rigorously investigating for two
years. Rogo and Bayless are now con-
vinced that living individuals have re-
ceived phone calls at their homes and
offices from deceased friends and rela
tives. What's more, the two investigators
even think they know how the calls are
produced.

Rogo and Bayless became interested
in this phenomenon when reports of
two phantom phone calls came to their
attention: In both cases, witnesses
claimed that they had received phone
calls from friends who had been dead
for several days. While at first tendi

10 dismiss the accounts as hoaxes, the
two investigators began to change their
minds as they encountered more and
more people who claimed to have taken.
phone calls from deceased associates. To
date, they claim to have collected 50
such accounts from individuals in the
United States, England, Germany and
Australi

So what do the sepulchral voices say
to the g? Not very much, repor
Rogo and Вах
allegedly lasted anywhere from a
seconds to half an
the voices—which usually spe:

s. though the calls have
few
Sometimes
ak in
same timbre they possessed while
just call out their names or ask to speak
10 specific relatives before the phone con-
nection is broken or the voice fades out.

Rogo and Bayless claim to have dis-
covered a curious pattern in their phi
tom phonecall cases. Sometimes. the
conversations will last up to 30 min-
utes—but only if the respondent does
not realize at first that he or she is speak-
ing to a dead person; if the person
recognizes the caller as being dead, how-
ever, the call usually terminates after a
few moments. The investigators have
also discovered that the dead will fre
quently call on anniversaries, birthdays
or other psychologically meaningful days

Just how do the dead accomplish
these feats? Rogo and Bayless speculate
that the calls might result from some
electromagnetic manipulation of the wit-
neses phone lines. However, they have
found that some of the calls do not seem
to be normal. incoming phone signals
but purely psychic or paraphysical
effects; sometimes, for example, the calls
have come through switchboards that
recorded по in the time.
A few have even come in collect but
were never billed to the witnesses,

Rogo and Bayless are continuing their
investigations and are eager to collect as
many cases as possible. So, if you've ever
been rung up by your dead Aunt Jenny,
let us know.

PUBLISH OR PERISH

In a magazine market saturated—and
nearly soggy—with publications оп
Sports, sex, gossip, gourmet dieting and
John Travolta, new magazines must an
ipate public demand in order to suc
ceed. We've just received a couple of new
ones that apparently think the rebirth of
Life will engender reader interest in the
opposite The names of the new
magazines are Disasters and Death.

hour,
the

ve-

ning calls a

Disasters, we were relieved to discover,
is editorially opposed to disasters and, in
fact, exists as a forum for discussions of
“problems involved in the prediction,
prevention and relief of disasters." In a
statement uncharacteristic of new peri-
odicals, Disasters alfirms that "We hope

Д,
N 0
S LAS

A GREAT FRAGRANCE ISN'T JUST SEX, IT'S ART.

To make this very special fragrance
for men. we've combined sensual
Ginseng with fresh woody and
herbal notes. The result is an all-
purpose cologne that's subtle yet
lasting. unique and memorable. Try
it. Youll agree that scentmaking,
like seduction, is an art.

Special Offer: Ginseng Coloane
Pocket MIST-er. Put a scent in your
pocket —the great scent of Ginseng
Cologne in the unique pocket
spray pen. Send name. address.
and $1 to MEM Company. Inc..
Dept. L PO Box 359. Passaic, N.J
07055 with check or money order
payable to MEM Co.

GINSENG COLOGNE

BY ENGLISH LEATHER”

The scent of the centuries.

PLAYBOY

this journal will cease its publication as
soon as possible . . . although we suspect
the Second Coming may interrupt us
first.”

Produced by the London Technical
Group, the journal contains heart-
warming stories about “Disaster Housing
in Yugoslavia," "Emergency Shelter" and
"Living with Earthquakes" (conclusion:
Avoid living where earthquakes frequent-
ly occur). Disasters also features a shop-
per's guide to the latest in calamity gear:
pocketsized microscopes for diagnosing
epidemics in the field; lightweight col-
lapsible pillow tanks for transporting
potable water; and (our personal favor-
ite) special tape measures for accurate
measurements of human-body dimen-
sions, allegedly “the only reliable method
of quantifying the effects of food short-
ages on populations in developing coun-
tries.”

Death, which has a more moderate,

nd-see attitude toward its subject,
is another undertaking of Screu's satanic
majesty, Al Goldstein. In the new maga-
zine, Goldstein writes, “We hope to
make the preparations for death casier,
the explorations of what lies on the other
side clearer and, most of all in the most
democratic of all experiences, to ventilate
the humanness of our condition and uni-
versality of the experience of dying.

In its inaugural issue, Death reports
interviews with people who have been
temporarily dead, a story on rock music's
honored dead, a cemet centerfold,
tips for funeral buyers, a list of celebri-
ties “Dead Before 40" (Buddy Holly, 22;
Lee Harvey Oswald, 24), the Death of the
Month (Karl “The Falling" Wallenda),
account of an accidental visit to the
New York City morgue's autopsy room
and museum of the city’s strangest des

We enjoyed Death and wish to be first
to predict that Screw, “the magazine for
people who don't." and Death. “another

agazine for people who aren't.” are the
foundation of America's next publishing
nd that Al Goldstein will be the
next William Randolph Hearse.

GOOD HEAD
On a KOAM-TY, Pittsburg, Kansas,
newscast preceding a report on the re-
peal of а homosexualrights ordinance
ugene, Oregon: “GAYS GO DOWN IN
EUGENE.”

BUDDHA PEST

What would а devout Christi
he heard that there were a bar in some
y called The Jolly Jesus? “Blas-
lege”? So you can see why
e been upset to hear
restaurant in Houston
called The Happy Buddha Steak House.
One lawmaker in the Asian nation of
Sri Lanka became so outraged at this
sult to the founder of Buddhism and his

phemy"?
Asian leaders h
that there is a ba

millions of followers that he persuaded
his government to take up the matter
with the United States Government.

DEVIOUS PLOT

Mrs. Beatrice Daigle of Providence,
Rhode Island, has filed a $250,000 dam-
age suit against the Catholic Church for
having caused her “severe emotional
trauma and distress.” And what did the
Catholic Church do to cause Mrs. Daigle
torment? It buried her husband in
the wrong place is what, Worse, the
church never told Mrs. Daigle that her

зис

husband not buried where she
thought he was buried but that some
strange woman was buried where Mrs.
le thought Mr. Daigle was buried.
Consequently, Mrs. Daigle had been
praying all those years (17, in fact) over
the gravesite of a stranger, while her hus-
band went unprayed for nearby. And
thats enough to cause a woman severe
emotional trauma and distress!

was

JOHN WAYNE'S JINX

A jinxed ship? Owned by John Wayne?
The Duke? Tell us more, we said, and
naval architect /wriler Gene Anderson
did so. His tale:

John Wayne's 136foot yacht, The
Wild Goose, was one of 461 wooden
Navy mine sweepers built during World
War Two. Her keel was laid at a Seattle
shipyard in 1942 as the U.S.S. YMS-328;
alter commissioning in May 1943, the
28 was assigned to Alaska, where she
proceeded to spend most of her time out
of service, due to а lack of spare parts,

Alter the war, $28 was sold as surplus
to a Vancouver man named Harold A.
Jones, who converted her to a yacht,
renamed her La Beverie and cruised Pa
cific Northwestern waters. In 1956, at the
age of 62, Jones died suddenly of a
stroke.

Beverie/398 was used sparingly until
1959, when Seattle industrialist-yachts-
man Max Wyman bought her to satisfy
a lifelong dream of à world cruise. Aft
refitting her and changing her name to
The Wild Goose П, Wy ily,
friends, a tutor and crew departed Seattle
February 1960. On the first day out, а

70-knot gale forced the yacht to seck
shelter in Astoria; later, in Newport
Beach, a fuel pump exploded during
refueling, causing fire and damage: fi
nally repaired and en route to
The Wild Goose struck a

whale, damaging the starboard sl
propeller.

The Wild Goose jinx remained in
effect once she reached the South Seas.
First, there was crew trouble, then the
yacht was caught in the middle of a
British atomicbomb test, and finally
homesickness and ontent sent the
voyagers hurrying home. A hull fitting
failed 300 miles south of Hawaii, nearly
flooding the yacht; however, aided by
the Coast Guard, the Goose made it
safely to Honolulu. The only bright spot
of that voyage is that the Wyman chil-
dren's tutor met and married a Tahitian
princess.

When John Wayne bought the Goose
from Wyman in May 1961, the jinx went
along. Since the purchase, Wayne has
separated trom his wile, been operated
on for lung cancer, suffered a severe
heart condition (however, he did win an
Oscar), As for the yacht, a stecring fa
ure in the Mediterranean caused her to
run out of control and ram some moored
vessels, her bottom was severcly damaged
when she ran aground near San Diego
and three crew members were lost by
drowning off Baja, California.

In fact, this writer had unexplainable
business reverses shortly after he visited
her recently.

sleeping
aft and

GOOD HEAD II

A pres release from Philadelphia's
Moss Rehabilitation Hospital, announc-
ing that an exotic artiste was to perform
for a group of persons who had suffered
cerebrovascul сти», was headlined
“BELLY DANCER TO ENTERTAIN
CLUB,"

STROKE.

UNDER THE М...
Some New York advertising agencies
are toying with an idea designed to keep
home viewers tuned to their sets during
television commercials, reports Adverlis-
ing Age. ‘The idea involves a gimmick
called Video Bingo and it goes like this:
Bingo cards are distributed to millions
of viewers; numbers are flashed onto the
TV screen before, during or immediately
after commercials; completed Guds are
submitted to the networks, winners are
determined and prizes awarded, Will it
work? Is the Pope Catholic?

HARD-CORE TYPOGRAPHY
Fiom North Caroli Fayetteville
Observer: “A story in Saturday's Observer
incorrectly identified Jim Rutherford’s
worm farm as Master Bait Farms rather
s full name as Harbor Master
The Observer regrets the

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IRE TEGERE WACEUAPIS a rrooucr oÍ ROQUOIS BRANDS w e THE ULTIMATEf'EXPERIENCE! — ;,

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E

DINING & DRINKING

an Francisco's la Pantera restaurant,
S at 1234 Grant Avenue, is tucked into
tumble-down corner of North Beach
just a wink away from Chinatown.
Renato Nicolai cooks the family-style
dinners, and they well may be the last
good buy in America. His wife, Rei
who runs the just-us-folks dining room,
with its posters of bella Italia and faded
family photos, more often than not sits
at the well-worn mahogany bar and sips a
brandy with Calistoga water. Theirs is
home cooking of the variety that has all
but vanished in our space-age love affair
with fast and frozen foods. One sits fam-
ily style—that is, with other diners who
may be strangers initially but ultimately
become friends—at Formica-topped ta-
bles for eight, (If you're uncomfortable
about the family-style seating, then host
a table of your own for eight—the price
is cheap enough.) For a prix fixe of $6.50
($7.50 on weekends), one begins with
slices of pepperoni and salami nibbled
with the crusty bread tl
bakers are geniuses at baking. This is fol-
lowed with a God-forbid-you-go-away-
hungry tureen of soup: either minestrone
or a thick zesty pea soup, or a scatter of
tiny pasta pearls in а simmering broth.
Next comes the pasta. One night it
may be rigatoni with an herbscentcd
tomato and meat sauce; another eycning,
cannelloni, fresh pasta filled with a
teasingly spicy mix of meat and blan-
keted with a silken layer of béchamel
sauce. Only one entree is offered, usually
roast beef, chicken, pork chops or tongue.
Baked crisply on the outside, the chicken
is sweetly moist and tender within; becf
ngly pink without being blood-
rare. Platters of freshly cooked vegetables
are passed: rounds of zucchini, Swiss
chard or broccoli with a tickle of рап
and whipped potatoes frothy from the
flame. 1, and a bountiful one at that,
of mixed greens arrives after the entree,
and guests stir their own dressing with
the wine vinegar and olive oil in old-
fashioned auets, A bowl of fruits, plus a
plate of cheese, is next, just in time to
finish the last of the wine, a pony of
which comes with each dinner. Vin
ordinaire, to be sure, but how can you
quibble at that price?

It doesn't take long to become sur-
feited with chichi spots that offer haute
snobbism and forgettable food, along
with wines that are listed but seldom
available. La Pantera is onc of those old-
time eateries that make dining out worth
while. At La Pantera, there isn’t any
monkey business; in fact, every effort is
made to please, One chilly winter's night,
a threesome brought with them two
bottles of Beaulicu Vineyards Cabernet
Sauvignon, which already had been

In San Francisco,
two very different
establishments, both
of them delightful:
La Pantera and the
London Wine Bar.

opened at a cocktail party; when Rena
Nicolai informed about the wine
by those drinking it. who suggested she
add the corkage charge to the bill, she
replied, "What I don't sce, I don't
charge for!"

La Pantera is open for lunch Tuesday
through Friday from 12 noon to 2 rw.
and for dinner Tuesday through Sunday
from 6 р.м. to 10 р.м. Closed Monday.
No credit cards are accepted. Reserva-
tions are honored only for groups of
ight, Telephone: 415-392-0170.

.
“The best things in life often happen
by accident,” comments John Overall,
co-owner (along with Steve Ring) of the
london Wine Bar at 415 Sansome Street
in San Francisco's financial district. Over-
all was a quality-control supervisor in a
Napa Valley vineyard and Ring assisted
in the wine making at Vecdercrest Vine-
yards. When the opportunity came to
buy the London Wine Bar, a business
that had previously been something of a
financial flop, they jumped at the chance
and in a year and a half brought the
place back into the black. No small feat,
considering that no hard liquor is sold.
To compensate for this, there are over
350 wines on the premises from which

was

to choose: cluding California's largest
and most complete selection of imported
champagne.

Customers drift in for a glass of wine
at the stand-up bar, and then settle at a
table or a booth for lunch: seafood
crepes, stew, beef-and-mushroom pie,
quiche Lorraine, paté, cheese and fruits,
etc—washed down with one of the
London Wine Bars selections. А 1975
Kenwood zinfandel for $1.50 a glass,
perhaps, or a 1973 Louis Martini bar-
bera at $1.25 a serving. If a bottle rath-
er than a glass is more to your liking,
no problem; all wines are available by
the bottle for on-the-premises consump-
tion. Or, if you're unfamiliar with а
particular vintage, buy just a glass of it
and if it's to your liking, take home a
bottle or a са

California's Cabernet Sauvignon and
Chardonnay have coni
a short time is the fecling of the two
owners, who are
youth, vigor and commitment are an in-
spiration to the West Coast wine com-
munity. “We find that well-made wines
do not need to be chilled . . . but sweet
wine '' remarks Overall, add.
ing that the smaller winerics do take
considerable care im making excellent
wines.

a long w

their 20s and whose

absolute!

The Chardonnays of Chateau
Montelena, David Bruce,
Joseph Phelps and Burgess Cellars are
damn impressive.”

Downstairs in the London Wine Bar,
there's a brick-walled wine cellar /tasting
room that also doubles as the nonsmok-
ing area of the restaurant. Every other
Wednesday or so, the London Wine Bar
hosts a lecture/tasting of six California
wines from a specific vineyard. These
tastings cost $8.50 per person, must be
reserved in advance and are limited to 2
people. The wines offered include four
that are currently available, one that
asn't been released yet and one oldy
plucked from the bars wine library.
Cheeses, pátés and bread arc provided
and the wine maker of the vineyard being
sampled is pres
of what you're drinking.

Because the London Wine Bar is lo-
cated in San Francisco's financial district,
it closes early. The hours Monday
through Thursday are 11:30 Ам. to
7 PaM., Friday to 9 р.м. Saturday hours
are I p.m. to 5 Р.м. Lunch is served Mon-
day through Friday from 11:30 At. to
2:30 р.м. Closed Sunday. Reservations
aren't necessary, but for information
about the Wednesday wine lecturcs, call
415-788-4811. Most major credit cards
are accepted. Chess, dominoes, cribbage
and backgammon sets are available at
tables all afternoon,

Veedercrest,

mt to discuss the nuances

The perfect Pina Colada.

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SCOTCH 4
WHISKIES

BOS PROOF

le.
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e egge
Black &White & Brilliant.
Around the world nothing says "Happy Holidays" like the

brilliant taste of Black & White. The perfect gift.

hysically the antithesis of Ethel
Waters, the gorgeous Diahann Car
as, nevertheless, with the aid of the
Dukc Ellington Orchestra under the di-
rection of his son, Mercer Ellington,
managed to offer A Tribute to Ethel Waters
(Orinda) that is very close to the mark.
Not th ‘oll has attempted а fac
simile of the legendary Miss Waters.
Rather, she has gone for the spirit of the
great actresssinger and. ‚ she suc-
ceeds admirably. From the opening After
You've Gone to the closing Supper Tine,
the session, lushly recorded on a digital

ter dis, maintains a consistently
high quality and the Ellington orches-
contribution toward that end (Sweet
Georgia Brown and 51. Louis Blues are
instrumentals) should not be underesti-
mated. Ethel Waters was a class act;
Diahann Carroll and Mercer Ellington
are no less.

Somcone please, please мор Linda
belore she kills again. By our count, at
least three murders take place on Living
in the U.S.A. (Asylum), la Ronstadt's latest
album. Yes, her voice is almost as good
as her thighs, but there is in it a grow-
ing thin line of . . . what? The edge of
ybe. In comparison
1 Chuck Rerry title cut,
Linda's sags and drags along, for all its
apparent energy. And while some songs
have equal power and meaning when
done by either a man or a woman, Elvis
Costello's ironic ballad Alison is not
among them, becoming a little dumb as
sung by Alison’s girlfriend instead of by
her burned former boyfriend. That's
two. But the corpse with the most knives
in it is Little Feat's fine bluesy Jament,
All That You Dream. Guaranteed to
send Feat fans diving for the original, as
if Linda & Со. never did figure out how
to handle it. True Malibu Muzak. Quite
a bit better are J. D. Souther's White
Rhythm & Blues and Ooh Baby Baby
out of Motown, the two most convincing
tracks on the album. Ronstadt’s taste in
material is the best; and so is her voice;
if only she sounded more often as if she
still cared,

For the fleurs du malted sct, cach
member of Kiss has just released a solo
album. Kiss has always been more me
orable for its stage act than for its mus
cal accomplishment, and these solos (all
on Casablanca) mainly confirm it. There
was much advance hoopla about how
different they were from the Kiss sound:
but most cuts on every one but Peler
Criss don't stray too far from the mother-
lode hard-rock Kiss formula, moving
metal mountains of bass and rhythm be-

Diahann meets Ethel.

Diahann Carroll does
Ethel Waters to a turn;
the folks from Kiss
produce a foursome;
and we offer our
annual record recommendations.

Behind Simmons: Delaney, Summer.

neath chrome waterfalls of lead guitar.
Gene Simmons, produced by Sean Delaney,
boasts guest artists Bob Seger, Helen
Reddy (an example of Simmons’ vaunted
sense of humor, doubtless) and Donna
Summer, and he doesn’t sing in his Rep-
tile Slime voice, but mest of it still sounds
more like Kiss outtakes than not. Two
exceptions are See You Tonite and Mr.
Make Believe, lighter and checricr in feel

than Kiss, like carly mid-Beatles with
McCartney ascendant, sugges

g a ray of
sunshine inside that black scaly heart,
"The wouble is, none of it's particularly
memorable. More so is Paul Stanley. The
opening cut, Tonight You Belong to Me
(not the ancient Patience and Prudence).
conforms to the Kiss image of Stanle:
whispering sexy sweet nothings at 120 dec-

15—and.is hard rock in

from Kiss stuff. On It’s Alright,
sings in coy feminist reverse . . -
want me to stay for the night,
right. . . . P] give you br
bed. . . . It's all right if you want me, it's
all right if you need me" . . . through the
standard Kiss canyons of guitars. The least
successful, which strays the farthest. is a

of songs they used to burst
moonlit scenes in Where the Boys Are
and Gidget Goes Berserk. Pre-Vegas
lounge rock. The rockers are by far
strongest, especially Love in Chains, but,
again, there's little here that matches
Kiss at its best—Detroit Rock City, Fire
House, Rock & Roll All Night, etc. Ditto
Ace Frehley. His album sounds less
ed, more natural than the first two,
but that is not necessarily to say more
interesting. Two winners: Rip Jt Out,
which, believe it or not, is the most sear-
ing rocker on all four albums (surprised
us, too); and New York Groove, à пео-
Bo Diddley love song to New York City
that seems genuine and could be a hit
single. Best is last. For our money, the
most interesting of the four is Peter Criss.
It’s partly that he departs farthest, and
most frequently, from the Kiss mold.
Killer Kiss Army troops will probably
like it least, but it's the only one that
reveals a new set of musical ideas, And
Peler Griss reveals more of a personality
j. It turns out that lurk-
ing beneath that cat's face is a basic rock-
er who shares much with Bob Seger—
both in voice and in tincts. This
album isn't Stranger in Town, but I'm
Gonna Love You and Hooked on Rock
‘n Koll are right there in the same
school. Criss shows his roots, if not his
age, by including a happy raveup ver-
sion of the old Bobby Lewis classic
Tossin’ and Turnim' (by us, the best
single cut of the bunch) and an original,
Don't You Let Me Down, that could be
Irom the Early Drifters Songbook, not
bad at all. There are a couple of Гог
gettable ballads, but on balance, Criss
is saying something other than more
Kiss, and we like what we hear.

.
Those of us who follow concert m

began hearing the fantastic stories about
two years ago. Newspapers and maga-
zines, finally radio and telev
caught up with one Ervin Nyiregyhá
a 75-year-old mad genius of the p
who came to this country in 1920, рі
to tremendous. critical acclaim in
negie Hall, and then lapsed

obscurity for nearly half a cent

PLAYBOY

been married nine times, has always
lived in slums (first in New York, then
in Los Angeles, now in San Francisco)
and rarely practices. No matter. When
some friends at last talked him into giv-
ing a recital in 1973 (fortunately re-
corded on the Desmar label). he sat down
cold and played music that he had last
eh seen some 50 years earlier. He did the
same thing on Nyiregyhózi Plays Liszt (Co-
ia), an incredible display of roman-
terpretive power.
ш t is clear that recording and
erforming in public are agonizing cmo-
xperiences lor Nyiregyházi, whose
years of trauma and exile have lett their
scars.
His music is of a different time and
| place than we are used-to. Harold Schon-
berg points out in the album notes that
the pianist’s major influences were prob-

ably Paderewski, Busoni and Anton

Rubinstein (rather than the Hoffmann,
Lhévinne, Rachmaninoff, Gabrilówitsch
school). Still and all, Nyiregyhád is a
[| unique voice among all these. His music

Justas a zoom lens lets you control the size of the area you photograph, functions as total evocation of a mood, a
Vivitars new Zoom Flash lets you control the area you light That means a set of feclings. That is, he tries to render
whole new world of creative possibilities with exactitude not the notes of the score

You can zoom from 24*mm wide angle flash coverage through but what's behind the notes. This is
normalto 85mm telephoto, whichever matches the lens on your camera music out of a time when the power of

er to evoke spiritual
pings, As far as the
music on these discs goes, there is im

The Vivitar 265 Zoom Flash gives you your choice: "set-and-forget" GN. Cc BUS рор
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essences and me:

mense gra

deur, communicative power
d, sometimes, a note of disdain. And

there handfuls of wrong notes.
Nviregyházi dislikes retakes
at least on the
such an

gourmet meal
and then being asked to wash the dishes.
Still, the most familiar piece on the al-
bum, Hungarian Rhapsody No. 3. has
simply never been played like this ("with
good reason," many would say). Nyiregy-
һал, cocreator with the composer. pounds
out the music and evokes the passions as
List himself might have done. He has
deliberately blurred the line between
fact and fiction, composer and performer,
finally between life and music—just as
the great 19th Century romantics did.
Somebody probably will make a movie
out of all this, but it won't be as good as

Vivitar 2

We're not sure if they made the right
265 Zoom Flash move in billing Loleatta Holloway as

Vivitar Corporation 1630 Stewart St. Queen of the Night (Gold Mind)—the title
anta Monica, California 90406 И Ти А n
M ee N on has a slightly sinister cast that is not re-

Vistas Corporation, 1977

flected in the material—but there's no
denying that the former star of Don'!
Bother Me, 1 Can't Cope has a solid.
platinum voice, big and soulful enough
to cope with those overblown Philadel
phia sounds. The excesses do get notice
able at times: Catch Me on the Rebound
and J May Not Be There When You

Allthe technical advancements come down to this:
Getting the color right, automatically.
Thats what the 1979 Colorlrak is all about.

The 1979 ColorTrak is the most
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Fine tunes every channel,
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This year, ColorTrak is
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A color picture that looks fine
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ChanneLock Tuner? It uses а vibrat-

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Want Me (Bul I'm Right on Time) are
disco tunes that are a bit long for sheer
listening pleasure; and the two ballads—
Only You, You Light Up My Life—may
be a bit too florid for some. There are
also too many conversational interludes
on this album. But Good, Good Feeling,
Mama Don't—Papa Won't and the reg-
gae flavored Two Sides to Every Story are
right on time: and I’m in Love, which
Bobby Womack wrote for Wilson Pick-
et back in the soulful Sixties, gets a
slow, sensitive and appropriately soul-
ful reading.

Dyan Diamond's In the Dark (MCA) is
something else. Is this the female Patti
Smith? Patty Hearst fronting a punk
band? On the back cover, she looks like
a Marie Osmond who's .. . been around,
if you get our drift, and the album starts
right off with a speedo punk update of
Jimmy Reed's Baby What You Want Me
1o Do—and begins side two by setting
a ind-speed record for bringing home
Elvis Costello's breathless Mystery Dance
in 1:42—a full 15 seconds off Costello's
ori world record. Since everyone
is a genius songwriter these days, much.
of the album consists of originals that
don't quite cut it as well as these two
covers. But Dyan Diamond, Kim Fowl-
cys latest protégé, looks like a real one
in the rough.

.
tardust meets Scrgci Prokofiev;
that is, David Bowie Narrates Prokofiev's Peter
ond the Wolf (RCA), accompanied by Eu-
gene Ormandy and the Philadelphia
Orchestra, no less. This is a magical, de-
lightful record. Peter used to be narrated
exclusively by old-guy, grandfather types,
such as Basil Rathbone. Now we have
Mr. Pop himself, playing the role of pop
for his son, Zowie. He carries it off in a
most engaging way, giving us a few
subtle changes in the traditional intro-
duction to the instruments, for instance,
while Ormandy's interpretation is also a.
bit different from the usual. Prokofiev's
symphonic fairy tile is a skillful and
charming blend of narration, orchestra-
tion and leitmotiv: Grandfather's plod-
ding caution is represented by a
syncopated bassoon melody, the Cat's
creepy grace by a rhythmic, lyrical clari-
net figure, and so on for the bird, the
duck, Peter and the hunters. Kids could
have no better lesson in the ways and.
means of a symphony orchestra. Turn
the greenvinyl disc over and you get
Benjamin Britten's Young Person's
Guide to the Orchestra, another, this
time more complex, demonstr:
symphonic technique. But Bow

ion of

e is the

real star here, Peter is the hero and the
wolf a most winning villain. Withal, it's
a pretty good cast.

There are no overlong cuts intended
for the disco market on Mother Factor

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PLAYBOY

(Epic), the new album by Mother's Fin
см. There are no throw-away shake-your-
booty tunes and no syrupy exercises in
dance-floor boredom. There is no ргойі-
gate use of strings. What you get are
seven uncompromising rock/soul tunes,
with tight electric rhythm and the thor-
oughly convincing lead vocals of Joyce
Jean” Kennedy. The pace slows
for the lush Love Changes and the spacy
1 Can't Believe, but the energy level
stays high throughout.

SHORT CUTS

The Boppers (Fantasy): A ten-piece R&B
band with a big sound, fleet rhythm, a
couple of engaging lead singers and a
frankly terrible name.

Stonley Turrentine / What About You! (Fan-
tasy): Tenor players need to make a liv-
ng, 100; so it's OK for S.T. to apply 1
big sax sound to these disco tunes, with
their elaborate orchestral charts. Of.
course, he now owes the world a blues
album.

Cissy Houston / Think lt Over (Private
Stock): The classy songstress who used
to lead The Sweet Inspirations doesn't
get much chance to stretch out on these
lightweight love ballads and disco
tunes—but it’s all very pleasant, except
when the strings get a little too forward.

Past, Present and the Futures (Philadelphia
Interi А smooth R&B/disco al-
bum that starts out cooking but even-
tually gets bogged down in the syrup.

Robin Trower / Coravon to Midnight (Chrys-
alis): Trower reveals once and for all
that he's turned his coach Jimi Hendrix
into a pumpkin.

Johnny Winter / White, Hot ond Blue (Blue
Sky): Stick with albino blues hippies.
Johnny has been sounding better and
better lately, more at home and relaxed,
and this one has the hot, easy fecling of
the very first Columbia album, If you're
down in the dumps, go get these good
blues,

Joanne Mackell (United Artists): Mackell
owns one of the most striking female
rock voices around—somewhere deep be-
tween Rod Stewart and Bob Seger—but
is almost totally wasted in this debut al-
bum on her own unwonderful composi-
tions. For rich folks only: Her blasting
version of Seger's Fire Down Below is a
killer. But it's the only one.

Sylvester / Step П (Fantasy): It used to
be Sylvester and the Hot Band. Now it's
Sylvester's disco beat, and it's cold, cold,
cold.

D. J. Roger: / Love Brought Me Back (Co-
lumbia): Gospel-based rock-soul that is
sometimes uplifting and sometimes
fatuous.

The Brothers Johnson / Blom (A&M): The
big sound of Quincy Jones works over-
time, and the material needs it.

Eddie Doniels / Street Wind (Marlin):
Crisp arrangements and the tasteful
work of Daniels on clarinet and sax
make this a superior pop-jazz album.

S wasn't the best year Гог
pop music we've had lately, most of
record picks for the holiday
season are oldies in one way ог another

For the teenagers in your life with ex-
ploding hormones, Ted Nugent's Double
live бото (Epic) is macrobiotic mind-
shred rock that explodes right along
with them. о Double Plotinum (Ca
blanca) by , 4 greatesthits album.
with several cuts remixed from the
5—10 raise the assault level even
г, match. Rockers who are more
music than mortar fire should appi
Little Feat's Waiting for Columbus (Warne!
Bros.), 2 double live album we think is
stronger even than its studio stuff, which
is saying something. It's one of the best
live albums of the year, along with the
star-studded triple The Lost Waltz (Warner
Bros.), The Band's beautiful farewell to
15 years of touring together, helped out
by Clapton, Steve Stills, Joni Mitch
ell, Dylan, et al. Also, шеге was Muddy
Waters, whose I'm Ready (Blue Sky), with
sideman Johnny Winter, is blues йош a
fine old bottle. The real thing. Devotces
of the ersatz, however, will no doubt
appreciate receiving the sound tracks
from Greose (RSO) and Sgt. Pepper's Lonely
Hears Club Bend (RSO) though they
probably have them already. Anyone
needing a real jolt from the Fifties
would do much better (and you'd s:
several bucks) with Buddy Holly Lives
(MCA), а solid collection of 20 Holly
hits And 1 of RSO's synthetic
polyester Sgt- Pepper, the Beatles’ original
album is still available on Capitol and,
typical of the way the world's going. is
cheaper than the imitation. Another
blast from the past for your unrecon-
structed flower-power friends is The Essen-
tiol Jimi Hendrix (Warner Bros). And
Willie Nelson's Stordust (Columbia) steps
back yet another decade and more, back
to September Song, Moonlight in Ver-
mont and Someone to Watch Over Me—
bittersweet and haunting, even if you
don’t go back tha

inste;

Jazz, enjoying one of its periodical
"rebirths," hasn't been slighted this holi-
day season. There's Sonny Rollins’ Don't
Stop the Camival (Milestone), a blockbust-
er of an album, with Rollins joined by
trumpeter Donald Byrd for about half
the cats, which were recorded in concert
at San Francisco's Great American Mu-
sic Hall. For those who like to dip into
jaz history, there's Mery Lov Willems / The
Asch Recordings. 1944-1947. (Folkways), a
premier collection of tracks from one ol
that great lady's most productive peri-
ods, The Williams piano is an absolute
marvel. Pacific Jazz presents а four-
album chunk of jazz nostalgia with Јоза:
The 50's/ Volumes 1 ond 2 and Jezz: The
i / Volumes 1 and 2. They're crammed
h sparkling performances by standout
names of those decades: Gerry Mulligan,
Bob Brookmeyer, Chet Baker, Clifford

town, Wes Montgomery, Cannonball
Dizzy Gillespie, ad infinitum.
zz that has found its way to the
screen, pick up оп A&M's discing of
Chuck Mangione's sound track for the
film version of Oscar Lewis’ Children of
Sanchez; Mangione’s music, at least, is
faithful to the spirit of the book. If
you're looking for jazz served up on the
stage, you'll go for КСА original-Broad-
way-cast recording of Ain't Misbehavin‘, the
show thats a pacan to the exuberant
music of Thomas "Fats" Waller.

For those with a more “serious” ap-
proach to record giving, the season offers
some splendid goodies. Opera lovers can
choose from а broad spectrum. Mozart's
Cosi Fon Tutte, trom RCA's French Erato
collection, showcases the splendid voices
of Kirt Te Kanawa, Frederica von
Stade and Teresa Stratas. Manuel de
Falla's unfinished opera, Atlántido, a work
of great scope completed by Ernesto
Halffter, has been recorded for Angel
by a group of fine soloists and the Sp:
ish National Chorus and Orchestra un-
der the direction of Rafael Frühbeck
dc Burgos, Or how about a Colum!
Odyssey reissue of Regime, Marc Blitz-
tein’s powerful operatic version of
Lillian Hellman’s The Little Foxes? Per-
formed by the New York Gity Opera
Company, it's still a moving experience

Other albums more tl,
tioning: Herbert von К: n with the
monic, and gifted Bul-
nist Alexis Weissenberg, in a
sumptuous packaging of Beethoven's Five
Piano Concertos (Angel); The Sonatas 2 Porti-
tas for Unaccompanied Violin of Johann Sebos-
tion Boch (Nonesuch). performed by Ser-
giu Luca on an Amati violin with
Baroque fittings; or. as a proper climax
to the season, Handel's Messiah (Philips),
given a glorious production by Colin
Davis leading the London Symphony
Orchestra and Choir and exemplary
soloists, includiag the notable Heather
Harper.

worth пи

101978 Aramis inc.

cologne

Aramis. Expect everything,

There are forty very inventive Aramis grooming products, cach with the persuasive scent of Aramis Cologne.

very skier needs a certain amount of

basic information in order to plan a
sane and rewarding vacation. What do
the various resorts have to offer a bc-
ginner? An intermediate? An expert?
There are two ways of getting this in-
formation. You can subscribe to the
three major ski magazines (Skiing, Shi
and Powder) and hope that the editors
cover the resort for you before the end
of the season. Or you can buy The Skiers
Almanac (Scribner's), by I. William Berry.
The author is a journalist, хо you won't
be burdened by the Zen Master prose
that clutters some guides. You may not
се with some of Berry's summations
(lor instance, he writes off Taos. New
Mexico; although the mountain has
tried to kill us the past two times we
skied it, it's still one of our favorites),
but his description of some trails—e.g.,
the Irishman at Keystone, Colorado—may
just have you changing your itinerary.

‘Two novels: one from a talented new-
comer and one from an old pro, both
looking to clarify a part of recent Ameri-
сап history—and both failures. One,
however, is an interesting failure; the
other, merely a failure

The bad news first. Richard Condon,
who has written a number of intelligent
thrillers, including The Manchurian
Candidate, in a long career, has pro-
duced an angry, implausible, ugly book
called Death of a Politician (Richard Marek).
‘The murdered politician, Walter Slurrie,
is remarkably like Richard Nixon.
There are a half-dozen other recogniz-
able figures, including President Eise
hower (a golfing general and President
named Kamplerhaufe and called Dad
by all the insiders) and Howard Hughes
(a lunatic about his health and a recluse
end). All of Condon's characters
are more venal, stupid or evil than the
real things, which would be all right in
general if the exaggeration served any
artistic purpose at all. Which is not the
case here. In one instance, Condon drags
in a New York prostitute, a specialist in
had regularly
when he stayed at the Waldorf
Her information is less than cs-
sential to the plot. Perhaps that's why
Condon has used the device of telling
his story through police reports and in-
terrogations: That way, dozens of leads
and false starts can be included, whether
or not they serve any novclistic purpose.
In the end, Slurrie is murdered for re;
sons that have nothing to do with the
Mafia, Howard Hughes or the CIA; they
come from deep left field. But by that

sadism, who beaten.
Shorr

Astori;

Hot tips from The Skier's Almanac.

A bible for skiers,

a bomb from Richard Condon,
a chiller about what amounts to
the common cold and
a Santa's pack full
of holiday aift books.

Condon kills a politician.

time, you don't care, You merely wish
that all of Condon's characters had died
early and that he had not had enough
material to finish this awful book.

Now for the good news, though it's
only half good. Thomas Sanchez, who
wrote а very impressive first novel, Rab-
bit Boss, has written a second: Zoot-Suit

Murders (Dutton). It isn't so good. But
it isn't a total loss, cither.

There really were Zoot Suit murders—
riots, in [act—in Los Angeles during
World War Two. By coincidence, those
riots are also the material for a pl
called Zoot Suit, which is currently run-
ning strong in California and may go to
Broadway. The Sanchez book is uneven,
to say the kindest possible thing about
it. His sense of politics is naive, almost
childish. He also lets some very good
material get away from him. But he can
create a scene and capture a moment:
For example, theres a description of
ampaging Servicemen loose in the bar-
rio, beating up chicano gang members
and bystanders with a pitiless fury,
which Sanchez handles like a master.

We all know someone who, since sce-
ing Psycho, has been a little wary of tak
ing showers alone. (Hell, we even know
someone who installed a police lock on
her shower stall.) But that's the essence
of a good horror story—showing the
nightmare that hides just behind the ог
dinary. Stephen King is a master of
the form. In Carrie, he took the basic
moti of high school romance, pecr-
group pressure and teenage revenge and
turned into "and then she offed the
cutive senior clas." Have high school
proms been the same since? In The Stand
(Doubleday), King takes what amounts
to the common cold and turns it into
the apocalypse. A scientist working at
top-secret Government installa!

n асс

dentally releases a deadly strain of flu
virus. Within a few weeks, 994 percent
of the world population is dead. The

first few hundred s of The Мапа
trace the spread of the virus—from truck
driver to truckstop waitress to bus driv-
er to school children, and so forth. The

ive is chilling. King shows just
how vulnerable we are to a government's
deadly tovs. Now every time we hear
someone sniffle, we wonder, Oh, my
God, has it started . . . ? The second half
of the book is an almost old-fashioned
shoot-out between the two communities
of survivors. Not bad at all. Buy this
book. While youre up, pass the vita
min C.

There is perhaps no more frustrating
dilemma for the American citizen than
that of how to deal with crime. For the
conservative, the solution has invariably
been to increase police hardware and
diminish civil liberties. For the liberal,
it has been to attack the “root” of the
problem—discrimination, poverty and
substandard education—and pray that
he doesn’t get mugged before the lowe
classes are lifted up into middle-class

EXPERIENCE THE
eae рЫ,

One of the gifts of the 19th century (along with Tchaikovsky, Tolstoi, others) was the
ritual of the “family silver.” It was in those elegant times when bringing out the “family
silver’ came to mean a profound or joyous occasion was at hand, one that
called for something beyond the ordinary.

A few of the more hallowed rituals that evolved over the generations are
shown below. Next time you take out the Smirnoff Silver (it traces directly back
to the original formula) observe the jeweHike flash of icy-cold Silver pouring
into your glass. Smooth, with a unique 90.4 proof. Prepare to taste history.

WHEN Y
YOU DON'T Li

There area lot of cars around you can pick up, spend Volvo is the kind of car people are happy with.
a short time with and then dump. With absolutely no Every year we hear from Volvo owners who go back
regrets. hundreds of thousands of miles with their cars. And
With a Volvo, that may not beso easy to do. Because their love grows stronger as time goes by.

141,394 MILES

VERNON CHEEK – LAFAYETTE, IND.

086,629 MILES TM ios 140,452 MILES

CARL LA SASSO — GOLDEN, COLORADO. ed >. “JOE ZAKY -WANAQUE, N.J:

179/52 MILES

LLAGHER— BEATR:

DU LOVE 'EM,
“AVE EM.

Tf you've never felt this kind of attachment for a car So why buy a car that gets harder to take with each
you've owned, it’s time you owned a Volvo. It doesnt passing day? When you could own a car that gets
take 100,000 miles to love one. Statistics show that 9 harder to leave? VOLVO
out of 10 people who buy new Volvos are happy,too. ттл cree A car you can believe in.

405,000 MILES- di. 251,860 MILES

SAM GORE— HOUSTON. MISS. OCAR! NTOETZER, WIETON: CONN.

Alive

with pleasure!
Newport

Ж.ж
Ex.
ө: > , p
эң d A

"А =&

- Afterall, if smoking
= isn't a pleasure,
— why bother?

Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health.

noncriminal behavior. Obviously, nei-
ther approach has been successful.
Charles E. Silberman, author of the
best-selling Crisis in Black and White and
Crisis in the Classroom, spent six years
and а half-million-dollar Ford Founda-
tion grant to find out why Johnny's a
thug. The result of his research is a
massive (560-page) book called Criminal
'iminol Justice (Random House).
Iberman lays waste to а num-
ber of myths about American crime and
Giminals, He points out that there has
never been a time when Americans were
not appalled by the volume of criminal
activity on their streets, and never a time
when the police and the courts were able
adequately to deal with it, thus disprov-
ing the common assumption that the
national "crime wave" is a recent devel-
opment. Furthermore, Silberman asserts
that blacks, who commit more crimes per
capita than any other racial group, have
ned violence from America: "A pro-
pensity to violence was not part of the
cultural baggage black Americans carried
with them from Africa; the homicide
rate in black Africa is about the same as
in western Europe, and well below the
rate in either white or black America.
Indeed, the black American homicide
rate is three to five times the black Afri
rate, Violen g black
Americans learned in this country.”
Silber makcs a convincing argu-
ment that our current methods of dealing
with crime and s, from police

can € is someth

imi
patrols to parole boards, not only are

adequate but in many cases actually
contribute to crime. Furthermore, in
chapters about robbery and theft, he
shows how many noncriminal Americans.
rely on crime to maintain their standard
of living: Hot goods appear in middle-
class homes, often with the owners’ full
knowledge that the items were stolen;
many businesses have survived. only be-
cause they were able to obtain loans from
racketeers,

But the most fascinating aspect of
lberman's book is his examination of
the criminal psyche. Reading it, one can
only conclude that in the vast majority
of cases, criminals are, indeed, made,
not born.

At the end of his book, Silberman of-
fers some solutions to the problems of
crime—but points out that if those solu-
tions were put into practice, they would
necessarily overturn much of what has
passed for law enforcement in the past
and radically alter the social and eco-
nomic policies of both Federal and state
governments. Realistically, he recognizes
that America seems quite unwilling to
make such adjustments, leaving his read-
ers with a message that says, in essence:
You've got crime beciuse you prefer it
to the alternatives, So live with it, baby,
and quit bitching.

HOLIDAY

Y
d
|
|
|

eason's greetings and best wishes for

good reading: Here are our annual
gift-book selections. We previewed some
terrific books in the magazine this past
year and among those that would make
excellent presents аге Kalki (Random
House), by Gore Vidal, a tale that will
entertain you all the way to the end ot
the world; Thomas Berger's Arthur Rex
(Delacorte), which reinterprets the leg-
end of the Knights of the Round Table;
and The Flounder (Harcourt Brace Jovano:
vich), by Günter Grass, an extravagant
stew of history, legend, myth, religion
and fantasy.

First-edition paperbacks are a great
gift idea—the price is right and the pro-
duction quality is good. Fine examples
from Bantam include: Val Landi's The
Great Outdoors Guide to the U.S.A, & Canc-
do, an encyclopedia and wilderness cata-
log: Stor Gomes, created by Jim Razzi,
Rick Brightfield and Jack Looney, a
series of puzzles, mazes and games played
out against the background of space
adventures; and the completely new edi-
tion of The People's Almanac #2 by the
Wallace monopoly, Irving and his son
David Wallechinsky. Another worthy
paperback comes from Penguin: The
Whole-World Wine Catalogue, by William I.
Кашт; subtitled “The Easy Refer-
ence Guide to the World of Wines,
Wine Labels and 7

On the subject of wine, we also sug-
gest Nicholas Faith’s The Winemosters: The
Story Behind the Glory and the Scandal of
Bordeoux (Harper & Row), which traces
the wine merchants, the growers and the
newly arrived international wine com-
panies, who're looking for a share of the
profis. It's fascinating reading. The

most imaginative cookbook this year
comes from Braziller; it’s Fobulous Feasts:
Medieval Cookery and Ceremony, by Made-
leine Pelner Cosma Illustrations,
sketches, history, even table settings, are
included with usable recipes. Perfect for
the cook /history buff.

We also recommend two special photo
books. In Avedon Photographs 1947-1977
(Farrar, Suaus & Giroux), Richard
Avedon а his camera at fashion
models, celebrities, friends and.
Eve Arnold’s book Hashbeck! The 50's
(Knopf) ranges in subject from the Army.
McCarthy hearings to the Black Muslims
to Jackie Kenned

The photos in The Greek Islands (Viking).
by Lawrence Durrell, are lovely, but
here, words are king. Greece is one of
Durrell's abiding passions; his first book
on the subject came out in 1945. In this
volume, he plays archaeologist and guide,
resurrecting and retelling ancient myths
the context of their modern—and
altered—settings. You can take this trip
from your favorite armchair. The Evolution
of American Taste: The History of American
Style from 1607 to the Present (Crown), by
William Peirce Randel, is another un-
usual armchair expedition that traces
the transformation of America from im-
porter of fashions and styles to a dy-
namic creator of taste.

Attention, sports fans! We have a
gnificent suggestion from Harry N.
Abrams, Sports, with text by George
Plimpton and photos by Neil Leifer.
Definitely a book to keep close at hand,
to browse through during Howard
Cosel's Monday Night Football mono-
logs.

A few other unusual books from
Abrams: Medicine: An IMlustrated History, by
Albert S. Lyons, M.D. and Joseph Petru
celli П, M.D., is a pictorial history in
cluding documents, drawings, statuettes
and wall hangings from every place and
period. Two others in paperback: Posters
by Painters: 29 Posters by Famous Artists, by
Evelyn and Leo Farland, is a book of
posters, bound but easily detachable for
framing, by such as Saul Steinberg, Miró,
René Magritte and Warhol. The Smithson-
ion Collection of Newspaper Comics, edited by
Bill Blackbeard and Martin Williams,
goes from the Yellow Kid of 1896—the
first to attain definitive form—to con-
temporary works such as Doonesbury,
with stops at the likes of Mutt and Jeff,
Moon Mullins and Pogo along the way.

We leave you with book suggestions
in America’s two major areas of interest:
sex and politics. Erotic Art of the Masters:
The 18th, 19th & 20th Centuries (The Erotic

rt Book Society), by Bradley n
with an introduction by Henry Miller,
beautiful and revealing. And Art
Buchwald's new collection of columns,
The Buchwald Stops Here (Putnam), is funny
and revealing. Happy holidays and enjoy!
Books are still lasting, memorable gilts.

ngmar Bergman's new movie, Autumn

Sonata, is a mother-daughter title bout
on the subject of love, or the lack of it,
and gets straight to the heart of the mat-
ter. To label this а woman's film would
be a mistake, because it is primarily a dra-
ma about parents and children of cither
sex and the pain inflicted on both sides.
Oddly enough, Woody Allen’s Interiors
examines similar material in a diffused
light, trying very hard to create complex-
ities where Bergman tries to burn th
vay—and that, no doubt, is the essential
difference between the work of a master
and that of an ardent disciple. Ingri
Bergman aad Liv Ullmann are the antag-
onists, with Ingrid—provocatively cast in
a role that bears certain resemblances to
her own perso nter-
nationally famous concert pianist who
has never put motherhood among her top

priorities, Ullmann plays her mousy, dull-
married to a phlegmatic

kh daughter
country minister and nu
in à small Norwegian town. When she
invites Momma for a visit after а separa-
tion of seven years, the mouse starts
heating up her indictment and proves to
be about as harmless as a rabid bat, with
so much venom in her that a quiet coun-
try weekend becomes an emotional Ar-
mageddon with no holds barred. Because
Livs dazzling performances in Bergman
films arc almost standardized by now, the
revelation is Ingrid, speaking Swed-
h onscreen for the first time since she
became a superstar several decades ago
and sending up flares again in the flash-
iest role to come her way since she won an
Oscar for Gaslight back in 1914. Beauti-
fully matured at 62, Ingrid is worldly,
glamorous, bitchy and just fine. To watch
the subtle shades of expression on her
face when her ungifted daughter sits at
the piano to muddle through a Chopin
prelude is a show in itself, perfect elo-
quence without a word spoken. Autumn
Sonata makes you wonder why Ingrid
and Ingmar (no relation) waited so long
to get together when it seems to be sim-
ple mathematics that two Bergmans are
even better than one.
e.

Made in Chicago, Stony Island is named.
for a street on the South Side of town
and should become much better known,
very soon, as an original, free-spirited,
imaginative movie musical that's the
freshest blend of words and music since
The Buddy Holly Story and miles ahead
of the high-grossing Grease. Writer-
producer Tamar Hoff and
Andrew Davis (also coproducer and co-
author of the screenplay) have created а
birth-of-a-band story about inner-city
street kids trying to form a soulful rock
group with an old black sax man (Gene

ing her grudges

Liv, Ingrid in Sonata.

Two Bergmans are
better than one;
hurrah for Stony Island.

Sassy Stony Island.

Barge) as their mentor. They practice in
a funeral parlor until they are tossed out,
but finally get their act together—so to-
gether that The Stony Island Band is still
together, with a record deal and other
gigs pending. Richard Davis, lead guitar-
ist (and the director's brother), is also the
movie's leading man, more or less, with
Edward Stoney Robinson, George Eng-
lund (Cloris Leachman's son), Ronnie
Barron, Tennyson Stephens, Windy
Barnes and Ray Dawn Chong among the
talented young stars who keep Stony
Island consistently upbeat. "There's so
much tient and promise in evidence
here d t is easier just to issue a blan-
ket endorsement. See Stony Island, be-
cause you'll be glad you did, and you
won't have to patronize it as one of those
warm-blooded but semiprofessional mi-
nor movies blown up for the big time
and begging to be liked. “Chicago is a
good town il you're lookin’ for a pizza,"

someone cracks, yet Chicago never looked
tougher or more full of brawling energy
and bleak beauty, except, perhaps, in the
poetry of Carl Sandburg. The city fa-
thers should commend director Davis, as
well as his associates—especially cinema-
tographer Tak noto—for сакс
the glitter in the gutters of Stony Island.
Sociology it ain't. It is an audio-visual act
of urban renewal set to the solid beat of
rock, rhythm and blues.
D

If one wants to be picky about it,
there are many things wrong with Who
Is Killing the Great Chefs of Europe? Al-
though breezily adapted by Peter Stone
from 2 novel by Nan and Ivan Lyons,
the movie has OK-tosluggish direction
by Ted Kotcheff (whose approach to
comedy seems to start with letting his
actors yell their lines), plus an overdone
Henry Mancini score that should have
been sent back to the kitchen. Nothing
is perfect, right? With all those demerits
dutifully reported, let me rush to add
that you will probably enjoy Great
Chefs as much as J did. Its great fun,
a fallen souflé concocted in several
delicious flavors and served so hand-
somely that resistance is useless. For one
thing, the movie offers Jacqueline Bis-
set—one of the шом. delectable ladies
around—playing the world's greatest
pastry chef (as if anyone would give a
damn whether or not she could cook).
Gcorge Segal appears opposite Jacque-
line as her ex-husband, a fastfood tycoon
whose role is so tenuous that Kotcheff
keeps him roaring through it to make
his presence felt. While he's а firstrate
comic actor, Segal comes in second or
third here. Jean-Pierre Cassel, Philippe
Noiret and Stefano Satta Flores play
several of the chefs who baked,
marinated or otherwise disposed of in a
manner appropriate to their culinary
spécialités. But Great Chefs becomes а
stratospheric high comedy when Robert
Morley takes over (which he does, fre.
quently) as a flabby, flamboyant profes-
sional gourmet who plans menus for
Buckingham Palace and hopes to win a
knighthood. Morley's ti s perfect.
and he handles writer Stone's choicest
one-liners like a true connoisseur, as if he
were plucking cherries jubilee from the
flambée. For him, even the sumptuous
Bisset is less enticing than a bombe
Richelieu, You may have had her
body,” he sneers at Segal, “but 1 have
had her meringue.” If you hunger for
still more after a tour de force by
Morley, the movie whisks you th
the Tour d'Argent and Maxi
Paris, and includes а qu
celebrated dining spots from Venice to

are

Give Ihe
Great Whisky Made
Like Great Wine.

This Christmas give something really special.
Old Forester, the whisky made like no other whisky
inthe world.

Old Forester isn't blended. Rather, it gets its
color and flavor solely from the maturation process
itself. It’s made naturally, like Great Wine.

For example, Great Wine is matured under
exacting conditions—to control temperature and
humidity. Sois Old Forester.

Most great French wines are matured naturally

—in oak barrels. So is Old Forester.
IO Great Wines are “candled”
for color and clarity. “Nosed” for
aroma and bouquet.

They're bottled directly
from the barrel. And, of course,
they cost more.

This slow, natural process
is how some wines become Great
Wines. And how Old Forester
becomes Great Whisky, the perfect
Christmas gift in the season’s most
elegant gift wrap.

H
А
з
8
5
8
i
z
E
4

TWO

SPEEDS!

B-I-C introduces the two speed cassette deck — 176 ips for
compatibility, 334 ips for extraordinary performance.

Recording engineers
recognize that the way to
obtain more professional
results is to increasethe
Speed at which tape is moved
past the heads. 3

Until now, all conventional
cassette decks have recorded
and played back at 17% inches
per second only. The new B-I-C
tape decks do this. .. superbly.
When used at 17% ips, they
exceed virtually every existing
performance spec. At 334 ips,
they establish new standards.

This faster tape speed
results in dramatic improve-
ments in frequency response,
dynamic range, signal-to-
noise, and wow and flutter.

It also provides much quicker
rewind and fast forward times,
automatically at either speed.

As an example, consider
the model T-3's 334 ips specs.
Performance unheard o:

in any other cassette deck.
Guaranteed frequency re-
sponse of at least 25-22,000
һ2 + 3 dB. Wow and flutter
less than .035% WRMS. Total
harmonic distortion below
1.5%. Signal-to-noise ratio
better than 67 dB
(A-weighted).

To achieve these new
performance standards we
used a fresh approach to the
electronics. The result—a
group of new circuitry con-
cepts which we have named
"Broadband Electronics."
These circuitry concepts
lower residual noise and
distortion. They enhance
frequency response and
stereo imaging. And — most
important, these improve-
mentsare audible at either
speed on all B-I-C tape decks;

The result is sound that
is cleaner and more detailed
than you have ever heard from
cassette tape.

There are three B-I-C
cassette decks, from the “по
frills" Model T-1 at under
$300, to the 3-head, dual
capstan T-3...allat prices
you'd expect to pay for an
ordinary one speed machine.

For a free 24-page
brochure, see your BIC
dealer or write B-I-C|Avnet,
Westbury, N.Y. 11590.

Twice the speed.
Twice the versatility.
Twice the performance.

THE NEW ВС
TWO-SPEED
CASSETTE DECK.

BOO

Natural beig e Nutria.. “has a natural affinity for all occasions.

eser BONWIT TELLER

FUR SALON CH ICAGO

e 9

Dr. Manfred Epstein's hands are worth millions.
He covers them beautifully for $30.

Dr. Manfred Epstein is an obstetrician. His educated hands nurture our most
precious resource. Our children.

His hands are his livelihood. They're highly skilled. They're his life.

Dr. Epstein's choice in gloves: The Cambridge, grained pigskin in rich
natural hue, with a hand-laced back. About $30 at the best department and
men's stores.

Daniel Hays and Gates create over 250 glove fashions. From $6 to $40.
And likeBr-Manfred Epstein, we too have taken the time to perfect our skill.

Daniel Hays and Gates Gloves.

Gates-Mills пс, 417 Fifth Avenue, New York City, and Johnstown, New York.
America's oldest manufacturer of fine men's gloves.

Second home living is a candlelight dinner
at the Eagle Ridge Inn.

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London, where the plot thickens slowly
but with unmistakable class. Bon appétit!
.

A pictorial preview in PLAYBOY's Octo-
ber issue points the way to fullest appre-
ciation of In Praise of Older Women, an
innocently erotic fable about the sexual
education of a very young man. More or
less warming up in the bull pen between
his debut in Looking for Mr. Goodbar
and his imminent reappearance in Butch
and Sundance: The Early Years, Tom
Berenger—already tagged as one of
Hollywood's hottest newcomers—charms
his way into bed with so many generous
ladies that he scarcely has time for a
change of underwear. Karen Black, Susan
Strasberg, Marilyn Lightstone, Alexandra
Stewart and Helen Shaver portray the
most attractive and acquiescent older
women who guide our hero along the
primrose path from his callow boyhood
in Budapest, circa 1951, to 1963, when he
has emigrated to Montreal as a lecturer
in philosophy. Aging well, he grows up to
become a fairly accomplished seducer.
“My life has revolved around the women
I have loved,” declares a narrator, spcak-
ing much too often for the good of the
screenplay. A bit of script polishing and
tighter direction would have helped this
Canadian-made film, which is neverthe-
less sensitive and so flippantly sexy that
Ontario's wary censors (after a timely
peek into PLAYBOY, according to one re-
liable source) wanted to cut it or ban it
from Toronto's Festival of Festivals,

The new Westerns seem to be all
scenery, peopled with cardboard charac-
ters—with the audience usually playing
a losing game in which only the cinema-
tographers collect the chips. Comes a Horse-
mon, directed by Alan J. Pakula (whose
last effort was All the President's Men),
has Jane Fonda, James Caan and Jason
Robards as a trio of cattle ranchers in the
period after World War Two. When they
are not fighting one another, they heap
scorn on oil-company speculators (chiefly
George Grizzard) who want to despoil the
American heartland. "That's the message
part of Dennis Lynton Clark's simplistic
screenplay, which has dialog so cryptic it
seldom interferes with photographer Gor-
don Willis artful compositions. Although
boredom sets in carly, the actors cannot
be blamed—-not Robards as a greedy,
murderous cattle baron who wants to
keep all of God's country to himself, nor
Caan as a combat veteran who asks for
nothing but a peaceful corner of it for his
own herd, nor Fonda as an independent
lady wrangler who has a ranch on the
verge of bankruptcy and a personality
like gnarled oak. All in all, she and Caan
spend too much time riding, roping
calves and trying on saddlebags as if to
remind us that they really know how.
With or without a cause to espouse, Fon-
da is always a forceful actress. Her un-
budgeable convictions do not appear,

Black: one of Berenger's Older Women.

Older Women praised;
Fonda, Caan saddle-sore;
and they've got an awful
lot of Hitlers in Brazil.

Fonda, Caan in a horse opera.

Steenburgen, Nicholson go South.

however, to extend to vegetarianism,
since Comes a Horseman tells us she's
determined to get her beef to market at
any cost. If all this pioneer stoicism and
true grit could be recycled, there'd be
enough left over for several John Wayne
epics. Below the surface, though, Horse-
man is simply an old-fashioned Western

melodrama saddled with a contemporary
social conscience, somehow equating cow-
pokes with ecologists.

As star and director of a supposedly
comic Western called Goin’ South, Jack
Nicholson looks out of control on both
counts, letting himself go with the boyish
abandon of a Kamikaze pilot. Four
writers receive credit for a screenplay
Cluttered with such jokes as the one about
a farmer named Mr. Standard who dis-
covers oil on his land and takes a sample
of the darn stuff back East to see what it's
worth. Nicholson pursues gold in his role
as Henry Moon, a bumptious bank robber
who is about to be hanged when a prim
young lady (Mary Steenburgen) comes to
the rescue, evoking a half-forgotten law
that any property-owning female can save
an outlaw’s neck by taking his hand in
marriage. They fall in love and together
find gold. Not the worst of plots, yet
there is little else to treasure in Goin’
South, except for some stunning but
gimmicky camerawork by Nestor Almen-
dros. The film's musical score smacks of
accompaniment for a silent movie and
Nicholson acts accordingly—his speech
slurred, that famous killer grin intact—
giving a frenzied performance and egging
on his fellow actors (including John
Belushi, who doesn't need much to be
hilarious) to pop their eyes and do dou-
ble takes until every scrap of humor in
the piece has been squelched by overkill.

It's no secret to readers of Ira Levin's
best seller that the titular Boys from Brazil
are clones created in South America to
restock the world with replicas of Adolf
Hitler. The man behind this malevolent
genetic experiment is Dr. Josef Mengele,
the monster of Auschwitz, portrayed by
Gregory Peck, who is made up to look
like a cross between der Führer and Char-
lie Chan. Laurence Olivier plays Ezra
Lieberman, a Viennese Jew who is a cele-
brated hunter of Nazi war ciminals—
and although Olivier is one of the great
actors of our time, it makes me fidgety
to see him spending all that prodigious
talent to sound more Jewish than strictly
necessary. In general, director Franklin
J. (Patton) Schafiner does a good job of
juggling the intricacies of Levin's pop
fiction, which mixes actual characters
(living and dead) with a grain of truth
and a carload of pseudoscientific hog-
wash. "Who would believe such a pre-
posterous story?” asks Olivier as the plot
unfolds. Lest anyone should have time
to answer that rhetorical question, Boys
from Brazil moves all over the map at a
fast clip, with young Jeremy Black pop-
ping up in Germany, England and Amer-
ica as the cloned junior Hitlers whose
genes are preshrunk to foul up the future.
Im afraid that the overwhelming reality
of a big movie screen, instead of making
Levin palpable, reduces him to pulp. To

PLAYBOY

see Peck and Olivier as archfoes—both
covered with gore, determining the
course of history in hand-to-hand combat
on the floor of a farmhouse in Pennsyl-
vania—is certainly memorable but also
one of the more embarrassing movie
moments in recent years.

.
A foulmouthed ventriloquist's dummy
named Fats figures importantly in Magic,
an ordinary and implausible thriller that
has two miscast stars (Anthony Hopkins
and Ann-Margret) working their tails off
to save a script by William Goldman
based on his own novel. Letting the dum-
my speak four-letter words is not quite
enough, Either the book was pure tom-
myrot in the first place or much has been
lost in Goldman's screen adaptation,
directed by Richard Attenborough. At-
tenborough and Hopkins, both gifted
men (who also worked together on A
Bridge Too Far), may help sidetrack Mag-
ic by putting too much English on it. Par-
don me—Hopkins is actually Welsh. But
the script asks us to believe he was raised
in a poky little community in the Cat-
skills and talks the way he does because
his father was British. Yeah. If you buy
that, you may also buy the pretense that
Ann-Margret, looking scrubbed and sim-
ple, is an old flame whom Hopkins knew
in high school, a girl who married the
wrong guy (Ed Lauter) and has been lan-
guishing for 15 years in a dilapidated
country hotel only a few miles from Gros-
singer's. That's where the stars come out,
baby, and there is no way to sell the fic-
tion that scrumptious Ann-Margret could
drive by the place more than twice before
someone noticed them curves and put her
name up in ncon, No reflection on the
lady's talent. She is a good, solid actress,
and highly versatile. But if she's a tired
housewife, I am the king of Siam.

The only true magic in Magic is Bur-
gess Meredith's vivid performance as an
old-time showbiz agent who begins too
late to realize that his client, the ventrilo-
quist (Hopkins), may be more than
slightly crazy. After a promising start, the
movie dwindles into the standard for-
mula thriller featuring an unsuspecting
woman trapped in an isolated house with
a homicidal maniac. At best, Magic is
reminiscent of Psycho, though even more
reminiscent of an eerie, unnerving epi-
sode in a classic British thriller made 33
years ago, Dead of Night, in which Mi-
chael Redgrave also played a demented
ventriloquist who began to share a split
personality with his dummy. Now, that
was a chiller-diller.

When Italian director Liliana Cavani's
Beyond Good and Evil opened in Paris in
1977, the reactions pro and con were so
violent that her earlier, controversial
Night Porter began to look tame in retro-
spect. Some vehement French critics sug-
gested that Cavani ought to submit to

Guy Dumont, Linda Hayden in Brazi

Beyond Good and Evil:
wretched excess;
playing doctor beats
playing politics in Prague.

Josephson, Sanda in Beyond Good. ...

psychoanalysis, tarring and feathering, or
worse. Now that Good and Evil has

reached our shores, we can see that what
triggered the scandal is a period piece of
no great importance. It's a biographical
sex drama about German philosopher
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900),
whose later years were marked by alcohol-
ism, drug addiction, homosexual fanta-
syphilis and insanity. At one point,
Nietzsche talks to a horse in the street,
mistaking the beast for composer Rich-
ard Wagner. There's little emphasis on
Nietzsche's status as a great thinker,
because Cavani quickly cuts away from
the cerebral stuff so she can focus on her
subject below the belt. What snatches of
philosophical discourse remain are rather
cursory: If "You're a nihilist?” is the
question, the answer is: “Мо... just
disgusted." So much for deepthink.

Beyond Good and Evil's major concern
is the ménage à trois established by Nietz-
sche, his former student Paul Ree and
Lou Andreas Salome, a beautiful young
Russian adventuress who later caught the
attention of Sigmund Freud and Rainer
Maria Rilke. With Sweden's Erland Jo-
sephson (of many an Ingmar Bergman
movie), England's Robert Powell (who
portrayed Ken Russell's depraved Mahler)
and glorious Dominique Sanda in the
threesome, Cavani avoids one possible
pitfall by covering over her dubious taste
with formidable talent. None of this trio
ever seems vulgar, though they are de-
cidedly kinky, portraying people who
were well into the sexual revolution near-
ly a century before anyone gave it a
name. Nudity, fellatio, four-letter words
and soft-core fooling around are no long-
er milestones in modern cinema; neither
is a scene with two male dancers per-
forming a scxual pas de deux nor one
with a faggot flasher who probably repre-
sents Death. The trouble with Cavani is
that she's so obviously determined to
shock us that she trivializes both history
and her own higher aspirations; though
seldom dull, she’s like a lady at a party
who leaps onto a tabletop and throws her
clothes off from time to time. She may
even have something important she wants
to say, but in the general hubbub, who's
going to notice it?

Instead of openly talking politics,
they are playing doctor-nurse games in
Prague these days, at least in The Apple
Game, writer-director Vera Chytilova's sly
Czech comedy about a delightfully inept
nurse (Dagmar Blahova) who can't do
anything according to rigid hospital pro-
cedures—and there may be a lesson in
that—though she is naturally deft at the
simple, meaningful things, such as deliv-
ering babies and making out with a
horny young doctor. Interesting foot-
note: The doctor is played by Jiri Men-
zl, a promising director of the Czech
New Wave, seldom heard from since his
satirical Closely Watched Trains won a
1967 Academy Award as Best Foreign
Film. ЖЕМЕУ BY BRUCE WILLIAMSON

wo
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A winner's combination.

The ATP (Association of
Tennis Professionals) represents
the 200 best tennis players in
the world. Bob Briner, its
executive director, and the ATP
Board of Directors have, on
behalf of these players, chosen
Adidas to develop its official
line of tennis clothing for sev-
eral reasons.

Professional tennis players are
really tough on their equipment
and Adidas’ experience at the
highest levels of competition
means their products stand up
to the toughest testing around.

But professionals too want
to look and feel good both on and
off court,so together the ATP
and Adidas have developed a
range that is stylish,tough and
long-lasting.

A favorite with Raul and
many other players is the
Adidas Superstar. This warm-
up, with its lustrous finish and
absorbent interior is fashionable

and well cut. And since it washes
easily, it is also very practical for
top-class tennis players.

The Superstar, which comes
in a wide range of different
color combinations is made from
Keyrolar? (Keyrolan® using
Arnel triacetate from Celanese
is produced by Blue Ridge
Winkler under exclusive license
from Adidas).

It's Keyrolan®, combined
with French design,that makes
the Superstar a favorite with
players all over the world.

‘Thats why the ATP chooses
Adidas. And that's why a large
number of the 200 best tennis
players in the world wear the
ATP Adidas collection at top
international events. So when
you buy an item from this
collection,you can be sure it’s
been tested by the best to
produce a winner’ s combination.

The ATP collection.

From Adidas 44

Raul Ramirez : ATP
Member wearing a
Superstar warm-up in
Keyrolan®

у COMING ATTRACTIONS x

Dor GoSsIP: Ron Howard and Cindy Williams

will be married and have a couple of
kids in Purple Haze, Universal's sequel
to American Graffiti. Paul Le Met and
Condy Clerk return, but the Richard Dreyfuss
character is out. Howard is also busy
prepping Hamburger Heaven, which he
will direct, with Henry Winkler starring
and producing. . . . Close Encounters of
the Third Kind will be rereleased in
May, but it won't be the same CE3K
you saw the first time. Director Steven
Spielberg has decided to make some

changes—he'll re-edit parts and even
plans to shoot some new footage. Spiel-
berg's next directorial project is 1941, a
comedy-adventure about strange goings
on in Los Angeles on the day Pearl
Harbor was bombed. . . .

Author Diane

Howard Spielberg

Johnson's bio of Dashiell Hammett for Ran-
dom House ought to be the definitive
one, since Hammett’s longtime friend,
lillian Hellman, is cooperating fully on the
project. Johnson's been taping interviews
with Hellman and has access to Ham-
mett's correspondence, manuscripts and
mementos. We won't be at all surprised
if Jason Robards nabs the film role. . . .
Mie Nastase and, possibly, Björn Borg will
play against Deen-Peu! Martin in Para-
mounts Players. The Bob Evans produc-
tion is the story of a young tennis
hustler who makes it to Wimbledon
(falling in love, on the way, with
MacGraw). Originally, the script called
for Nastase to lose to Martin, but ap-
parently Ilie refused to lose to anyone,
movie or no movie, so the script was
altered to have Nastase pull a leg mus-
cle and default. . . . Author Den Green-
burg has been signed by Universal to
script his latest book, Love Kills.
D

A STAR 15 BORN: After doing bit parts in
most of his own films, director Poul
Nezursky is emerging as a full-fledged
actor, co-starring with Donald Sutherland
in a flick in progress called A Man, a
Woman and a Bank. Says Paul, “I play
a computer expert whose marriage is
falling apart, who decides to help a
friend rob a bank in Vancouver. I think
it's going to be quite funny." Next
spring, says the man behind Ап Unmar-
ried Woman, "Ill direct my own new

film in New York, called Willie and
Phil. It’s about two guys with the same
woman . . . one of them marries her,
the other lives with her."
.
ALREADY! Elvis Presley may be dead,
but ideas for TV specials on the fallen
King still flourish. The word in Holly-
wood is that a certain TV producer has,
hidden in his office safe, seven hours of
home movies of Elvis taken by his ex-
Wile, Priscila. These movies supposedly
show a side of Elvis never before seen
on TV, including footage of him hors-
ing around in Hawaii, of the wedding,
of Elvis crying joyously over his new
baby and some fascinating clips docu-
menting the occasion of the in-laws’
awkwardly meeting one another for the
first time. TV execs are presently trying
to edit the seven hours down to a man-
ageable one hour and present it as a TV
special. Sounds like a bitch to edit, what
with all that fascinating stuff.
б

BEATTY EYED; Warren Beatty, we hear, is
working with an English screenwriter on

Presley "Beatty

a script for a film tentatively titled John
Reed. “This is something Warren has
wanted to do for a long time,” says our
source. Reed, the journalist who wrote
Ten Days That Skook the World, is
the only American buried within the
walls of the Kremlin. Beatty plans to
star and produce but isn’t sure yet
whether or not he'll direct as well.
"There's speculation, though, that Beatty,
an impulsive romantic, may abruptly
abandon the Reed project if he finds a
dandy script in which to costar with
his new love, Diane Keaton,
e

THE LOVE TRAIN: ABC's Love Boat series
seems to have become one of the most
successful formulas on TV, so successful,
in fact, that rival NBC is in love with
the idea. The formula is simple and ap-
pealing—a crew of regulars is joined
every week by a passenger list of stars
and semistars. NBC seems to want to do
its own version of this formula desper-
ately, but there's one big hang-up—it
can’t use a boat, because ABC's got the
boat. NBC's first idea was to do it on a
jet and call it Coasttocoast, but that

notion got axed (after all, how much
can you shoot inside a plane?) Now
network brass has come up with a new
version and the vehicle involved is—you
guessed it—a train. Not just any old
train but one with a sauna, a bar and a
disco; you know, like the old Erie-Lack-
awanna. Super Train, like Love Boat,
will have its own cast of regulars; it will
chug between New York and L.A. every
week until it runs out of steam.
D

NEW TALENT DEPT.: Hollywood's anxious-
ly keeping its eye on Robin Williams,
star of ABCs Mork and Mindy series.
Robin has been performing regularly at
"The Comedy Store to standing ovations
and word has it that after a year's ex-
posure on the tube, he'll start doing
feature films. Soothsayers on the Strip
are already starting to call him the new
Steve Martin.

MR. SMITH GOES BOWLING: If there really
are 50,000,000 bowlers in America, the
film Dreamer should do very well, in-
deed. Filmed in the Midwest, it stars Tim
(Animal House's Eric Stratton) Matheson
in the title role of Harold "Dreamer"
Nuttingham, a bowling-alley employee
who makes it into professional bowling
ranks—falling in love, along the way,
with Susan Blokely. "It's about the balance

Blakely Matheson

between dreams and personal realities,”
says Matheson. “The point is if you put
enough energy into anything, you can
always get what you w: Sounds a
litde like Rocky in bowling shoes, but
the film makers contend that it is not.
“It's more like Mr. Smith Goes Bowling,”
says Matheson. Incidentally, Matheson
also informs us that he won’t be appear-
ing in the TV adaptation of Animal
House being written by National Lam-
pooners Herold Ramis, Chris Miller and Doug
Kenney. "It sounds good,” Matheson says,
“but I don’t want to do it. I've done TV
and you just can't take risks, because of
the censors. Also I wouldn't want to get
typecast in that role.” What he is look-
ing for these days is a lead in a romantic
comedy ora Western.

— JOHN BLUMENTHAL

For 1979, Dodge brings you a total
GT from Japan. And includes all of
the following as standard equipment.

* |.6litre Silent Shaft MCA-Jet
engine = Cast aluminum road wheels
* 195/70HRx14 steel radial-ply tires

= Five-speed, console-mounted
manual transmission with overdrive
= Reclining bucket seats with
adjustable lumbar support = Integral

center console
* Overhead
console

with pivotal
reading light,
digital clock,
and dome
light = Electric.
rear window
defroster = Concealed
adjustable headrests
» Adjustable tilt steering column
Tinted glass all around = Unique
“memory” seat adjuster that
returns driver's seat to upright
position after loading or unloading
rear seat passengers * Quad
rectangular head lamps * Full-
length, body side stripes * Two-tone
paint treatment = Body-colored
quarter window louvers * Dual
electric remote-control, body-
colored side mirrors • Tachometer

= Temperature gauge = Oil gauge

* Ammeter gauge * Resettable trip
odometer = Inside hood release

* Inside deck lid release » Day/night
inside rearview mirror * Color-keyed
loop pile carpeting • Chimes
instead of buzzer for ignition key
and seat belts» Dual horns

* Locking fuel filler door • Power

front disc brakes

* Front suspen-
Sion with coil
springs and-
MacPherson-
type struts —
rear suspension
four-link coil.

Now, you can spend a lot more for
a GT, but you still won't get this kind
of equipment standard.

35 MPG HWY/26MPG CITY:

In fact, we don't know where you
can get more thoroughbred road
car for your money than at your
Dodge Dealer. See him about
buying or leasing a Challenger
Soon.

“ЕРА estimates for standard

1 6 hire faurcytinder engine.
five-speed manual trans
mission You mileage may vary
depending on your driving
аби. the condition of your car
ands equipment

1979 DODGE CHALLENGER.
IMPORTED FROM JAPAN.

PLAYBOY

Symbol of
the quality gift.

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Seagram's 7 Crown. Only Seagram's 7 has the А
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EAGRAN DISTILLERS COMPANY, N..C. AMERICAN WHISKEY--A BLEND. 80 PROOF.

THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR

About a year ago, a ladyfriend and I
enjoyed the evening by making love.
After climaxing four times, I was totally
spent, but she was just getting started
for a long night. From her purse, she
took out what appeared to be a jar of
cold cream and started rubbing it on my
penis. It took just a few seconds for a
warmth to spread through my cock and
it became rock hard. We made love
again, not once but three more times,
and J climaxed each time. If that had
not actually happened to me, I would
have found it hard to believe, The lady
has since moved out of town, taking the
secret of the miracle cream with her. I re-
cently bought some worthless gel from an
adult bookstore, so my question is: What
was that magic cream and where can I
get morei—W. P., Portland, Oregon.

It sounds to us as if she used plaster
of Paris. However, we suspect that the
magic of the evening was all in your head
and not in the lady's secret snake oil.
With a little initiative and imagination,
a girl can get the same results with axle
grease. There are a variety of so-called
erection creams available—some with
heating agents or cooling balms—but the
outcome is not so impressive when you
do it yourself.

This winter, 1 plan to take my first Car-
ibbean vacation. I've been saving my
money not only for the trip but for the
fantastic bargains I've heard a lot about
to be had in duty-free ports. How can
island merchants afford to sell things so
cheaply?—R. S., St. Louis, Missouri,
Simple; they don’t have to bear the
costs of importing things into the U.S.;
you do. That little junket can cost as
‘much as 55 percent of the wholesale price
of an item even before state and local
taxes are added. But before you spend
your life savings on Japanese cameras,
there are some things you should know.
First, there is no such thing as duty-free
shopping in the Caribbean. АП the is-
land nations (except the Netherlands
Antilles) add some percentage of duty
to the goods you buy. It’s just usually
lower than in the U.S. St. Thomas, for
instance, adds six percent, the Bahamas
up to 20 percent on jewelry and Jamaica
up to 60 percent on some items. More
important, when you try to bring it back
into the U.S., Customs will charge you
duty on anything over $100, or over 8200,
if you visited the Virgin Islands. To find
out if you're really getting a bargain,
you'll have to make а pricing foray be-
fore you go. Remember, also, that. it's
damn near impossible to return or ar-
range service for a defective item once
you're bach in America. Caribbean mer-

chants keep the prices down to encourage
tourism and shopping, but nobody any-
where is giving the store away.

tier some prodding from my girl-
friend, I’ve acquired the habit of shav-
ing the hair along the shaft of my
penis and the exposed portions of my
balls. She loves it because now while
performing oral sex, she doesn't get
hairs in her teeth. I love it because (one)
now I can get her to devour my cock
more often, (two) for some reason I look
more hung with the hair shaved back,
which helps my ego, and (three) when
my girlfriend tongues my balls now, I go
absolutely wild—the sensitivity of sex has
greatly increased without the hair's dull-
ing it. Anyway, this has been such a
turn-on, I can't believe that ancient
societies that weren't as hung up as ours
didn’t discover this. Were there any that
practiced pubic shaving or similar tech-
niques?—P. B., Coralville, Jowa.

Yes. According io legend, during the
Middle Ages, certain liberated lovers
shaved their pubic hair. Unfortunately,
they got carried away. The result was
the Vienna Boys’ Choir.

Msc often heard that hockey is the
fastest game in the world, but it’s hard
to believe that a puck can outfly a golf
ball off, say, Jack Nicklaus’ tee. What
is the world’s fastest game?—L. R. Chi-
cago, Illinois.

Define your terms. Hockey is consid-
ered the fastest team sport for a man
unassisted by engines, horses ot gravity.
Those guys fiy. If you define a sport by
the speed of the ball, it's another story.
The fastest thrown ball in the world be-

longs to baseball's L. Nolan Ryan, whose
fastball reaches a speed of 100.9 mph. A
good volleyball spike can reach 70 mph.
A pro ping-ponger can launch a ball at
speeds of up Lo 105.6 mph. Then things
start to get really fast. Your puck, for
instance, when put in motion by the likes
of Bobby Hull, will skip along the ice at
118.3 mph. The fastest measured tennis
serve, Bill Tilden’s, clocked 163.6 mph,
and a golf ball off the tee hit 170 mph.
But for real speed, you can’t top jai alai.
Using the scooplike device known as a
cesta, а good jai alai player can send his
pelota fying at 174 mph for distances of
up to 600 feet. It’s no wonder jai alai is
played in an enclosed area: A good
pelota costs about $100.

Recently, т began having ап affair
with my boss—a woman in her early
30s. I have been the assistant di
rector in her department for about
five years (with salary increases but no
promotion). At first, the affair was "the
usual old stuff"—sneaking off to motel
rooms at noon and knocking off a
quickie and a few intimate moments in
the office. Then she started demanding
more, One evening, she insisted on wear-
jug a рай of leather boots w bed, then
she began wearing a leather girdle much
like the ones the Roman soldiers wore.
At first, I found this behavior rather ex-
citing—even when she decided to strap
on a dildo and screw my anus. Now,
though, it's gotten to the point where I
can't take it anymore. She has taken to
insisting that I let her tie me up with
leather straps, and even once put a dog
collar around my neck and tied the
leash to the bedpost. Before she'll let me
screw her, she always wants to do her
litle thing with the dildo—now she
even refuses to grease it up with a lubri-
cant. I find all this demeaning and
humiliating, but I'm afraid that if I
break it off, she'll have my job. How
can I get her to settle down and quit
demeaning me without putting my pro-
fessional relationship with her in jeop-
ardy? I'm afraid she might blackball me
in the industry if I get on her bad side.
Besides, except for her kinky habits,
she's a beautiful person and a tremen-
dous lay.—K. L., Green Bay, Wisconsin.
Whai we have here is the basic,
all-American employer-employee relation-
ship; ie, the worker gets it up the
ass. Obviously, she has read “Winning
Through Intimidation” and you haven't.
It's time to take the reins yourself: You
seem to be in a bit of a dead end in your
current position (even without the un-
professional relationship with your su-
pervisor). Start looking for another job

It takes more
than one designer
to create a
collection like ours.

(#7in a series)

At Florsheim, we have a
number of different designers and
we let them each do their own thing.

So no matter who designed
your clothes, you'll find a shoe
in the Florsheim Designer
Collection that goes perfectly
with them.

And because we re
Florsheim, we make our EN
designer shoes in a wide range
of sizes.

That way, our Designer
Collection styles will fit you
every bit as well as they
fit the clothes you |
wear them with. |

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—

Florsheim Designer Collection’

For FreeStyle Brochure, Write Florsheim, Depe. a Canal St.Chicago,Ill.60606

in the industry or for another department
in the same firm. Your fears of теіті-
bution are exaggerated—she can’t tell
anyone about your extracurricular per-
formance without endangering her own
position. Your on-the-job performance
should speak for itself. Next time, don’t
fish in the office pool, especially when
it's stocked with piranha.

V prefer a light drink before meals. I've
been the white-wine route and tried a
few sherries. I found sherry too flavorful
and white wine too light in the alcohol
department. What else is there?—F. R.,
Cincinnati, Ohio.

Sounds like you're ready for an aperi-
tif wine. They are wine based but have
more alcohol content than wine, usually
around 18 percent. And the flavors are
not always as apparent as in sherries.

WM here can a person find quality su-
per8 X-rated films? One of the guys at
work said that when he was in college,
he used to go to parties where they
showed porn loops in reverse. Appar-
ently, the result was so hilarious that
their dates overcame their initial shock
and loosened up. I'd like to try that with.
some wild and crazy friends. Any sug-
gestions?—B. H., Evanston, Illinois.

Sure, we're willing to help, though we
can’t guarantee the results. Porn films in
reverse might be funny, but how can you
tell? The old in-and-out is not that dif-
ferent from the old out-and-in, right?
Still, if you want to go through with it,
we suggest that you contact Diverse In-
dustries, Inc., 7651 Haskell Avenue,
Van Nuys, California 91406. If you are
over 19 and don't object to receiving
plicit material through the mail, they
will send you a catalog of films by such
creative artists as Ron Raffaelli (the pho-
tographer who put together the erotic
“Raptures” a few years back). You'll be
rocking and reeling in no time.

Ore oi my friends and I double date
every Saturday night—no one girl yet.
Each Saturday date is about the same:
dinner or a movie, then drinks. And,
always, we get a double room at the
Inn and the four of us bang
away until early morn, For nearly two
years, that is how it has been. As I say,
that is how it has been—until one Sat-
urday a month ago, and that night
started the same as always. After we had
dinner and a few drinks, we got ready
for the sexual games. My friend told my
date that one thing that really turned
him on g two girls make it. My
date blushed a litle, but she told him
(and me) that the thing that really got
her was seeing two guys make it. And
so, after some discussion and a lot of un-
certainty, it was agreed that my friend
and I would have sex together while the
girls watched, and then we would watch

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PLAYBOY

کے

For color reproduction of Wild Turkey painting by Ken Davies, 19" by Z1" send 52 to Box 929- PB, Wall St. Sta., NY 10005

Wild Turkey Lore:

In 1776 Benjamin Franklin
proposed that the Wild
Turkey be adopted as the
symbol of our country.

The eagle was chosen
instead.

The Wild Turkey
later went on to
become the symbol of
our country’s finest
Bourbon.

WILD TURKEY/101 PROOF/8 YEARS OLD.

while the girls got it on. Since I had
never gone down on another
really at a loss as to technique
to make a long story short, we did each
other for about ten minutes (nei
ejaculated) and then watched the girls go
to it. We finally finished up with our
dates, Sex had never before been as ur-
gent. Since that night, I haven't seen my
friend and neither of us has called the
other. I think that I am a little embar-
rassed and perhaps he is also. I am sure
that I can rationalize our behavior that
night, but having thought about it for a
month, I think that I really enjoyed hav
ing sex with him. And this new experi-
ence has brought about a new thinking
in my attitudes about men having sex
together Until that night, I probably
would have fought anyone who suggested
such a thing and I'm sure that had it not
been for the moment and the friend, I
probably never would have experienced
sex with another man. Right now, I'm a
little mixed up. I have strong feelings
toward my friend—I don't think sexual
ones—and new attitudes toward straight
guys having sex with other guys, I know
that it doesn't make any sense saying
straight guys having sex with other

straight guys, but neither of us is gay.
Please shed a little light on the subject —
G. D, Raleigh, North Carolina.

There are always surprises in sex, espe-
cially when you live at the edge, double-
teaming dates at a weekend orgy. (If it
will ease your mind, what you did prob-
ably falls more under the category of
group sex than of gay sex.) It was an
experience and you learned something
about yourself. We think you should call
your friend. This is certainly nothing
that should break up a good relation
ship. As you said, he probably has the
same feelings you do and we think you'll
both rest a lot easier if you discuss them
over a couple of beers.

Guitar playing has been a hobby of
mine for some time now. Recently, I
began writing songs that my friends say
are halfway adequate. There are quite a
few dubs in town that sponsor open
mike/audition nights, I would like to
sing some of my tunes in front of an
audience. However, before 1 take my
stuff out on the street, I want to be pro-
tected. How much does it cost to copy-
right a song? Do I have to submit
written sheet music (I can't read or write
music, so that would mean hiring some-

:)2—S. F., Calumet City, Illinois.

The copyright law that came into
effect in 1976 actually makes it quite easy
to be a starving musician, You don’t
have to hire lawyers, accountants or oth-

er starving musicians to write lead sheets
for you. Under the new law, there are
three ways to copyright songs—and three
Government forms, of course. Form SR
covers sound recordings. You just send the
Feds a cassette or other sound recording

$9.00 REBATE

On any pair of Jensen Triaxial®
3-way car stereo speakers.

Save now on the hottest selling 3-way
speakers you can put in your car. Jensen
Triaxials. The speakers with a separate woofer,
tweeter, and midrange withthe American work-
manship and design parameters that will bring
an unparalleled level of music reproduction to
your car.

"Three sizes of Triax's? fit almost any car:
6" x9" 4" x10" and the 514” in-door Triax. Each
boasting distortion-free music. Color free mu-
sic. Music that comes through with all of its
deep bass tones, midrange voices, and elusive
high notes intact.

And now, when you buy a pair of Triaxials
between November 18, 78 and December 31,

"18, we'll send you a check for five dollars. Just
clip this coupon and mail it to us with your
sales receipt plus a top of the Triax? package
that shows the model number. In 4 to 6 weeks
youll get your check.

So go ahead. Take the bait. Listen to a
pair of Jensen Triaxials at your local Jensen
dealer. Once you hear them, you'll be hooked.

SOUND LABORATORIES

Jensen Triaxial Rebate
P.O. Box 1055
Tinley Park, Ill. 60477

AU ee

АА ЫЛ

Gentlemen:
Along with this coupon I have enclosed
the gold portion of the package top that.
shows the model number of my new
pair of Jensen Triaxial3-way speakers,
plus sales receipt dated between Nov.
18 and Dec. 31, 1978. Please send me
my 85.00 rebate.
Jensen Triaxial Rebate
P.O, Box 1055
Tinley Park, Ill. 60477
"triaxial" and re registered trademarks of Jen:

E ES
ON JENSEN TRIAXIALS

Name.

Address == =. me сшщ
сиу.

Site < A4

Offer void where taxed or prohibited.
Allow 4-6 weeks. Must be received by
March 3l, 1979. Limit one per family.

Offer valid only in Continental U.S.A.,
Sound Laboratories. Hawaii, and Alaska.

A yearful of

COM

1 Ashley Cox S|
2 Julia Lyndon.

3 Jonis Schmitt

4 Karen Morton

5 Susan Kiger

Rilo lee

7 Nicki Thomos

в Debra Fondren

9 Sheila Mullen

40 Pam Bryant

11 Sondra Theodore
12 Denise Michele

Gift yourself and others with

PLAYBOY'S 1979
PLAYMATE CALENDAR.

At your newsstand now!

Toorder by mall For each calendar. send $2.50 (plus 506
postage ond handling) to! Playboy Products PO Box 3386,
Chicago. IL 60654 Please specify "Wall" or Desi" type.

7 Wall Colendar
BV хї2

Desk Calendar
Su x TV

of your tune, a copy of the lyrics and
ten bucks. You can obtain a copyright
for cach song or, if you want lo save
money, you can secure a copyright for an

g's performance (John Doe Live at
Carnegie Hall or a Reasonable Facsimile
Thereof). Form PA covers the perform-
ing arts and is the closest to the old form
of copyright. You send lyrics, lead sheets
or a sound recording and ten bucks and
you're covered. The third category (Form
TX) is for all those Lennons in search of
a McCartney—you can copyright song
lyrics sans melody. Again, the ten-buck
fee. For more information or copies of
the forms, write to: The Copyright Office,
Libiary of Gongress, Washington, D.
20559.

event

С... you explain the effect running
has on sex? Now that so many people
are jogging, I've begun to hear stories
about exercise changing one's love life.
Apparently, it increases endurance. 15
there any truth 10 those stories?—L.
Seattle, Washington.

Since we look up running, we have
found that our endurance has increased
dramatically. Now we can go up to six
days without any sex. Incredible? No,
just the result of healthy exercise and a
lot of cold showers. It used to be that the
chase meant subile repartee, the proper
wine, candlelight. Nowadays, it means
running a seven-minute mile. The kind
of women you find at that pace are spec-
tacularly fit. Fit for what, we can’t say
yet. We've heard the same stories you
have about improved sex lives—but you
must remember that your sources are the
same runners who extol the virtues of
selfabuse, lower-body injuries, shin
splints and stretching exercises. (The lat-
ter applies more often to the truth than
to muscles.) Gabe Mirkin and Marshall
Hoffman, the authors of “The Sports-
medicine Book,” conducted a computer
search of the medical literature in the
National Library of Medicine and could
not find a single study that documents a
relationship Detween fitness and sexual
performance, They quote our good friend
Dr. William Masters, who feels that “a
person who has good physical fitness in-
variably functions more effectively sex-
ually than a person in poor shape. Sexual
function is a physiologic process and ev-
ery physiologic process works better in a
good state of general health than in a
poor опе”

AM reasonable questio

from fash-
ion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars
to dating dilemmas, taste and etiquelte—
will be personally answered if the writer
includes a stamped, self-addressed en-
velope. Send all letters to The Playboy
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michi-
gan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. The
most provocative, pertinent queries will
be presented on these pages each month.

has the Fujitsu Ten stereo.

It's easy to tell. Because we've put — blanker to eliminate ignition inter-

over 25 years experience into ference. А
making our car stereo sound as We've powered it with 20 RMS
good as a home stereo. watts maximum (5 watts per chan-

For example, check out our in- nel х 4) to assure low distortion at
dash СР-7881 AM/FM/MPX high volumes. If good music is

Auto-Reverse Cassette with important to you, a Fujitsu Ten car
Dolby’ It has 5 pushbuttons that — stereo should be too.

program 5 AM or 5 Write for more
FM stations. Plus fast- \ information on our
forward, locking re- complete line includ-

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The best sound onwheels.

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"Dolby is the trademark of Dolby Laburatories, Inc. 3st Janis Street, Carson, CA 90746,

No matter what system you own
there's an Empire Phono Cartridge
designed to attain optimum performance.

Detail, brilliance, depth. listening pleasure.

These are the qualities of every Visit your local Empire dealer
Empire phono cartridge and whether today for a demonstration you won't
your system is “state of the art"or soon forget.

“low budget" there's an Empire Empire phono cartridges.
cartridge that will maximize your Already your system sounds better.

For your free brochure,
“How to get the most out of your records”, write: ЕМРІЯЕ
Empire Scientific Согр., Garden С! 11530.

Akai GXC-57001l
Kenwood KX-1030 Hitachi D-990.

You paid a lot for good —
specs.

Now spend a little more
and hear them.

Just because you put a great deal of Which is why people who own the
money into your tape deck, it doesn't finest tape decks use
necessarily mean Maxell more than

you'll get a n. жб» any other
great deal of m co m^
sound out of it. s% x Ofcourse,
Unlessof aga 1 SS there are
course, youre 1 other reasons. Like
using the tope į ахеіі UD the fact that every Maxell
thats engi- fape has a unique non-
neered to get the most out of high- abrasive head cleaner. And a full war-
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Maxell is specifically designedto give manufacturers dont cover. Everything.
you extended frequency response, the Try Maxell.

highest possible signal-to-noise ratio Is sure to make the sound that comes
and the lowest distortion of any tape in out of your tape deck worth every penny
its price range. you put into it.

E ARAM

Maxell Corporotion of America, 60 Oxford Drive, Moonachie, N.J. 07074

THE PLAYBOY SEX POLL

an informal survey of current sexual attitudes, behavior and insights

For the greatest blow job you've
ever had, call Blanche, 555-1234.

With only the name and number
changed. that straightlorward statement
has been scrawled on the walls of better
bathrooms and decorated phone booths
from one end of the country to the
other. Perhaps you always assumed that
somewhere there was a girl (if not
Blanche, then Rosie, Trixie or whoever)
who had so perfectly mastered oral sex
that she was the all-time fabled femme
fatale of fellatio. Is that possible?

Well, since it’s certainly true that
some people give a more sensuous back
rub than others, then clearly there must
be those lovers who have the knack of
the snack. What do they do that makes
them first-rate?

That's the question for this month's
poll. We asked 100 men and an equal
number of women: What's the differ-
ence between good and great oral sex?
And what do you think is the difference
between good and great oral sex for your
partner?

Settle down for the lipsmacking re-
sults.

BETWEEN GOOD AND GREAT
FELLATIO?
Foryone percent of the females

guessed terrific oral sex occurred when a
woman decp-throated а man: “These
days, I feel like I ought to be awarded a
medal. It should be the shape of an
open mouth. Every man's into deep-
throating me, the minute I let his naked
cock anywhere ncar my face. I was living
with a rock singer the first time I ever
attempted to take one in. I wanted to
please him, but I always gagged. For
about a month, he just eased it back and
forth, giving mea little more of his penis
cach time we tried. Finally, I caught the
knack of taking long, relaxed. breaths
T worked his ten-incher all the way down.

Twenty-two percent of the women as-
sumed that some kind of specific physical
technique was the key: "Like most of the
previous men in my life, what turns on
my husband is a little bit of pain, deliv-
ered to his clanger compliments of my
teeth. I start off my nibbling gently on
his erection, After a few minutes of mas-
tication, his shaft couldn't be harder. It
practically dances around on its own, as
if it knew what I was going to do m

©:

GREAT MOMENTS
IN ORAL SEX

I take just the tip of his cock between
rly whites, I chomp on it like an
n bread stick until he comes. No
question, the best fellatio means fang-
oriented pain. It's the skyrocke of se:

Fourteen percent of the ladics sur-
mised the sublime blow job for a man
involved coming in a woman's mouth:
“Thank God, I adore the taste of sperm.
There isn't a male alive who doesn't
light up when they get to spurt in our
pretty little mouths. For special guys, I
swirl it around my mouth before guzzling
down like vintage wine.”
Fourteen percent thought a surprise
made fellatio divine: “Every male I've
ever gone down on got off on experienc-
ing the unexpected. Just as soon as a
guy’s member gets stiff from my sucking
it, I begin to hum. The reverberation
makes him purr. I shift gears and begin
singing with his tool still wedged in my
mouth, The song? “Come with me, my
melancholy baby.”

Six percent answered that best head for
a man meant not stopping when he
me: “The first time I ever did that was
well before my boyfriend and 1 had got
ten to trust each other, Initially, he
couldn't take the intensity. So 1 waited
until I was in an $/M mood, tied him
down and just ignored 1 чегїпр to

stop. By lapping. after his orgasm, 1 kept
him from going soft. And once he got
into it, the renewed. pleasure was truly
crème de la crème.
Three percent thought that cock teas-
ing made oral sex great.
.

Thirty-three percent of the males said
sublime oral sex was dependent upon
coming in a woman's mouth: “Dating а
girl loses pizzazz if I can't eventually
possess her by coming in her mouth. The
other night, I met a gorgeous redhead
t the health-club pool. We hit it off and.
went next door to a bar, where she chal-
lenged me to a chugalug contest. She
won, then repeated her feat in my bed-
room later. Her style of drinking my
jism was to inhale real deeply just as I
peaked. What suction!”

‘Twenty-three percent of the men re-
ported that deep throat was the way to
go: “Feeling the tip of my cock lorced all
the way down a girl's throat is totally
100 percent mind blowing. I make her
suck in every inch of my erection, even
my balls. These days, it’s almost а pre
requisite for a woman to learn to com-
pletely swallow a dick if she wants to
keep me as her lover. It's absolutely the
ultimate in fellatio, Even if she gags,
she'll eventually learn to do it easily
and love it because I do.”

Eighteen percent of the gents respond-
ed that some kind of physical technique
was the key: "When learning a forcign
language, onc of the first things taught is
that the word tongue is feminine—which
must explain why that talented part of a
woman's eatery is the key to great head.
A slippery tongue slithering restlessly up
and down my erect penis, licking slowly,
then fast, trying anything, is the way to
send the most phenomenal bursts of pas-
sion through the center of my body right
into the core of my brain.”
Ten percent stated that surprise made
divine: “I love to make it with a
woman who gives imaginative blow jobs.
After dancing till 4:30 А.м., 1 would have
thought my girlfriend w zzled, but
the minute we hit the sack back at her
place, she astonished me. Sucking me
into a carnal craze, she told me to wait
a second and disappeared. In a flash, she
returned, her hands full of whipped
cream, which she spread all over my cock,
turning it snowy white, Then, with the

PLAYBOY

most exhilarating vigor, she totally im-
mersed herself in the surprise treat, eat-
ing me clean until dawn's early light.

Nine percent said they got off when a
woman didn't stop after they came: "Not
many ladies know this, but a lot of men,
like myself, hate it when a girl stops
Frenching the minute we climax. The
should keep on sucking. The feeling
from that is more than some fellas can
bear: though, for the majority of us, it's
the most powerful sensation possible.

Five percent answered that great head
was when they could watch a lady eat
them out, while two percent confessed
that a cock tease made oral sex great:
Don't ask me to explain it, but my lo
er is terrific at hurry up and wait. She'll
blow me until my swizzler is as stiff as a
pole, then stop. Repeating the act over
and over, the ultimate effect makes me
hornier than hell.”

Ө: MEN, WHAT DO YOU
THINK IS THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN GOOD AND GREAT
CUNNILINGUS?

Thirty-eight percent of the males
guessed. sublime oral sex for the females
meant not stopping when she came: “My
wife doesn't call me a cunning linguist
for nothing. The first time I went down
on her, she made me swear that I'd never
vary my style. It had knocked her out
the same way it had every gal I'd gone
down on betore. 1 eliminate the seventh-
inning stretch that usually takes place
right after a girl's first climax. I just
keep on sucking and they all keep on
raving.”

Twenty-one percent of the males
thought that some kind of specific physi-
cal technique—how a man used his lips
or tongue or teeth—was the key: “I'm
lucky. I've had years of experience, start-
ing at the age of 14, when my kid sister
and I first gave cach other head. So I
know what women would say makes great
x: the perfect tongue. With every
lover, swirling my tongue around and
over her clit sure gets her aroused. 1 lick
her clean. Then by trying to jam it in
as far as I can, I always make a girl shud-
der with deligh

Eighteen percent of them believed a
surprise made cunnilingus divine: “Гуе
learned all the tricks for good sex, espe-
cially with regard to head. Like most
women, my partner's special kick comes
from never knowing what to expect.
Once I thought of a novel use for a bottle
of champagne, I tucked a glass of the
bubbly stuff under our bed. When we hit
the sack, 1 went down on her as always.
Just before she hit the peak, I paused to
take a slug and before she knew what
happened, I had poured some of the
fizziness into her slit. It ungled enough
e her right over the edge,"

Fourteen percent assumed that teasing
made good head great: “Like most good

Romeos, I've learned the way to get a
babe on fire when it comes to oral sex
by deft enactment of the ‘start and stop’
motif. It’s foolproof; in fact, just the
other night, it worked for about the
100th time. As а photographer, I meet
stunning models. I called onc of them, a
Nordic honcy, and asked her out, My
mind was fixed on getting her into bed,
Finally, the moment came, Slowly, very
slowly, I muzzled her labia, warming up
her motor with my hot breath, taking her
just so far. Then I pulled back a bit
until she implored me to continue. Very,
very gradually, I worked her into a fren-
zy, taking easily more than an hour. She
Was so anxious for me to let loose and
ravage her, she spread her legs practically
180 degrees and thrust her cunt toward
my mouth. She was delicious to taste and
look When she couldn't wait any
longer, I finally gave in to her, stopping
e, foraging like a starved mani
а full of goodies.
е percent responded that for most
women. merely watching a guy eat them
out made the moment superspecial:
"Right now, Гт going with an elegant
modern dancer who works out for hours
every day all by herself in her own stu
dio. Olten, she'll call up and invite me
over around one р.м. to join her for a
lunch break, only she doesn't serve the
typical fare. She loves for me to feast on
her in the broad daylight, so she can sec
every move reflected in the mirror-coy-
ered walls."

©: WOMEN, WHAT IS THE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GOOD
AND GREAT CUNNILINGUS?

Thirty-two percent of the females said
sublime oral sex meant a man's not stop-
ping when she came: “Once, this guy I'd
just met got me a little drunk and моогу
at a very flashy party. The next thing I
knew, we were in an upstairs bedroom.
He had my skirt up, my panties off and
his mouth glued to my twat, which had
gotten so unbelievably sensitive that I
begged him to stop several times. Without
losing а lap, he just pushed me back
is unrelenting attack.

Twenty-five percent of the gals stated
that а sudden surprise made cunnilingus
divine: “Maybe it’s because I'm really
into wild sex in general, but the way my
husband, a full-fledged professional jock,
unpredictably goes down on me couldn't
be better. The last time, for instance, he
poured a little brandy over my lips and
started to kiss me; then, without pausing
a second, from out of nowhere, this ter-
rifically bizarre sensation shot me into a
stupendous orgasm. He'd hidden an ice
cube in his mouth and had popped it
deep into my pussy, The surprise made
me deliriou:

Eighteen percent of them replied that
watching a guy cat them out made the
moment superspecial: "Just the other
day, while horseback riding alone with
my boyfriend, all the jiggling up and
down on the saddle gave my box quite
a buzz. Lucl we came across a seclud-
ed meadow and I knew instantly what 1
wanted to do. We jumped off the horses,
I told my lover to stretch out on his back
in the soft grass. I undid my jeans and
without even as much as unzipping his
fly. I squatted over him to ride his face,
I loved watching all his reactions.

Fifteen percent responded. that some
kind of physical technique was the key:

When a guy slobbers all over me, I feel
like I'm getting an annoying bath: not
enough friction. I prefer the dry method,
which was initially tried out on me by a
professor who taught me more about sex
than he did musical theory, He would
blow air onto my labia to keep excess
moisture away, Sometimes he even used
a hair drier and then his mouth.”

Ten percent answered that teasing
made good head great: “The oral tease
artist turns me on. Right now, I go with
the perfect example of what Т mean, a
sculptor who uses his tongue tip like a
tool, slowly chiseling away at my cunt
like it was a piece of wet marble, He just
nibbles, refusing to give me the total

business until I beg. By keeping me on
such a keen edge of frustration, my ecsta-

sy is overwhelming. I'm always afraid he
might suffocate between my thighs.

Summary: Thirty-three percent of the
men are most turned on by a woman
who lets them come in her mouth,
while another 93 percent like to be deep-
throated. What both of these top an-
swers have in common is that they orally
represent “going all the way.”

Evidently, when it comes to the super-
lative suck. the majority of the males
get a subliminal ego kick: Their descrip-
tions are all charged with aggression.
For then, finding the pleasure in power
is what makes passion flower.

Figuring out what the women rated as
supercunni much casier for the
males in this particular survey. Thirty-

eight percent of the fellas, the biggest
category,

were savvy enough to know
th lovers didn't like them to stop
after the first explosion. Thirty-two per-
cent of the women verified that the dili-
gent lover left nothing to be desired

A few years ago, if we had conducted
this poll, we would have had a hard time
obtaining a diversity of answers, If your
partner gave head, by definition, it was
great, Tt was the only game in town. But
oral sex has become more popular, and
people have finally learned what works
for them. As our statistics show, they are
likely to let their partners know their
likes and dislikes. Communication is the
ultimate form of oral sex.
ионако ssi ED

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Bul easy operation is more than just auto-
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tures. Its a large flashing light mounted on
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The important “little” extras. The XG-7

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end of a film box as a reminder. There's even
an optional remote control cord.

Fast, easy handling. The way a camera
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Is it comfortable or awkward? Are the con-
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ог are they cramped together? The Minolta
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And a system of almost 40 different lenses.
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Try the Minolta XG-7. At your dealer. Or
write for literature to Minolta Corp., 101 Wil-
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MINO ETA KGET)

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PLAYBOY

RUM REVELATIONS.
SS

Surprising facts every rum drinker should know.

Ah, what rum drinkers
don'tknow aboutrum.
So Myers's thinks it's

time to raise some

eyebrows.

The first fact of rum.
Rum comes in three
shades: white, gold, and
dark. Some light rums are
blended to havea barely
noticeable taste. Their
flavor might fade in the

drink. ButMyers'sis

to enhance the flavor. So discover
for yourself the dash that Myers's
adds to asimple Rum & Cola. The

extra punch Myers' adds to a
Planters’ Punch. Here arc the

with ice. Add orange slice, cherry.

Myers's Rum and Cola:
Into a highball glass, add 1! oz.
Myerss Rum. Fill glass with cola
калаш AM Е ETS:

lime, and stir.

blended specially to be
SRS inel
comes through the mixer.

recipes for your pleasure.
Myers's Planters’ Punch:
Combine in shaker, 3 oz. orange
juice, juice of J lemon orlime,
102 Myers Add I tsp superfine
sugar and dash of grenadine. Shake
= CPES well and serve in tall glass filled
Another surprise. =
pr
light rum. Both are the same
alcoholic proof. So Myers's isn't any
stronger, even though it has a
tastier rum flavor.

More revelations.
Myers'sis more expensive. It's
imported from Jamaica where it's

| 4|WORLD FAMOUS.|
: IMPORTED

made slowly, in small batches.
The richer taste is worth the time.
And the price.

Still another little known fact.
Caribbean bartenders mix Myérs's
into exotic drinks made with
lighter rums. They trust Myers's

And finally, one last point.
Dark rum is better to use in
cooking than light rum. Myers's
adds a fuller rum flavor to foods.
TST уе заат
grapefruit halves. Its a simple way

to create an interesting first course.
Myers's makes so many rum recipes
even more delicious.

So now that you know the facts,
your choice should be clear:
MyerssRum.
Because if you like rum, it's ime
you discovered the pleasures that

waitfor you in the dark.

Next to Myers's
All other Rums
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Imported by Seagram Distillers Co., 375 Park Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10022, ВО Proof.

THE PLAYBOY PHILOSOPHY

on our 25th anniversary, we present highlights from the original “playboy philosophy,” in which our
editor-publisher spelled out our guiding principles and editorial credo

The first issue of PLAYEOY was pub-
lished in December 1953 with a per-
sonal investment of $600 and $6000 more
hegged or borrowed from anyone who
would stand still long enough to listen
10 “a new idea for a men's magazine,”
It had no date on its cover, because
we had so little money we weren't sure
there would ever be a second issue.
But by the carly Sixties, PLAYBOY was
being described as “the publishing phe-
nomenon of the century" and as a veri-
table “handbook for the urban male.”
The magazine became an increasingly
popular subject of discussion and debate
by columnists, commentators, clergymen
and even a few serious social. scientists
writing in scholarly journals.

We had intended praysoy 10 be a
response lo the repressive anlisexual,
anti-play-and-pleasure aspects of our
puritan heritage that have traditionally
pitted mind and body against cach other,
But in an article titled “The Anatomy
of PLayvoy,” published in Commentary,
Benjamin DeMolt, professor of English
at Amherst, described piaysoy as “the
whole man reduced to his private parts.”

In "eraYsov's Doctrine of Male,” pub-
lished in Christianity in Crisis, Harvey
Cox, professor of theology at Harvard,
stated that the magazine was “basically
antisexual.” Cox described PLAYBOY as
"one of the most spectacular successes
in the entire history of American jour-
nalism,” but stamped us as “dictatorial
taste-makers,” decried the magazine's
emphasis on “recreational sex” and con-
cluded that—like the sports car, liquor
and hifi—women ате just another
“PLAYBOY accessory.”

Writing for Motive, the Reverend Roy
Larson stated, “PLAYBOY is more than
just a handbook for the young-man-
about-town: Is a sort of Bible which
defines his values, shapes his personality,
sels his goals, dictates his choices and
governs his decisions. The viaynoy phi-
losophy has become . . . а sort oj sub-
stitute religion.” But Reverend Larson
rather liked viaveoy: He empathized
with our interest in “style’—he was
“upset by those people in the church
who seem 10 assume . . . that average-
ness is more Christlike than distinctive-
ness. Certainly—God — knows—there's
nothing in the mainstream of the
Christian. tradition. which justifies this

editorial By Hugh M. Hefner

canonization of mediocrity.” He con-
cluded, “I sympathize with PLAYBOY'S re-
volt against narrow, prudish Puritanism,
even though I would disagree with the
way this revolt is expressed.

In response to all this, we wrote “The
Playboy Philosophy"—an allempt “to
spell out—for friends and critics alike—
our guiding principles and editorial
credo.” The first installment appeared

“We lie to one another
about sex; we lie to our
children about sex; and
many of us undoubtedly

lic to ourselves about sex.”
————

in our December 1962 issue. Originally
intended for a single issue, then two,
й grew into a 25-installment series
that proved to be the most popular—
and controversial—feature ever pub-
lished in the magazine. On this, our
23th anniversary, we are pleased to re-
print excerpts from the original “Playboy
Philosophy.”

The Playboy Philosophy is predicated
on our belief in the importance of the
individual and his rights as a member of
a free society. That's our most basic
premise—the starting point from which
everything «с in which we believe
evolves.

We hold the view that man’s personal
self-interest is natural and good, and that
it can be channeled, through reason, to
the benefit of the individual and his
society; the belief that morality should
be based upon reason; the conviction
that society should exist as man's servant,
not as his master; the idea that the pur-
pose in man's life should be found in
the full living of life itself and the indi-
vidual pursuit of happiness.

We would point out the utter lack

of justification in the state's making

unlawful certain private acts performed
by two consenting adults. Organized
religions may preach against them if they
wish—and there may well be some logic
n their doing so, since extreme sexual
permissiveness is not without its negative
aspects—but there can be no possible
justification for religion's using the state
to coercively control the sexual conduct
of the members of a free society.
P
The sexual activity that we pompously
preach about and. protest against in pub-
lic. we enthusiastically practice in pri-
vate. We lie to one another about sex;
we lie to our children about sex; and
many of us undoubtedly lie to ourselves
about sex. But we cannot forever escape
the reality that a sexually hypocritical
society is an unhealthy society that pro-
duces more than its share of perversions,
neurosis, psychosis, unsuccessful mar-
riage, divorce and suicide.
.
Americans were so gener.
rased by sex in the early p
century that the sex statutes still si 8
in some of our states do not even define
the behavior or activity they prohibit.
The legislators were seemingly able to
spell out fornication and/or adultery
with only an occasional blush, but when
they moved into the slightly more exotic
areas of fellatio, cunnilingus and peder
sty, it appears that some of them broke
nto a cold sweat and were just too
timidated by the entire subject to explain
what offenses the laws were intended to
cover. Thus, in place of the specific, the
state statutes prohibit "vile and con
temptible crimes against nature.
E
Church-state legislation has made com-
mon criminals of us all. Dr. Alfred Kin-
sey has estimated. that if the sex laws
of the United States were conscientious-
ly enforced, over 90 percent of the adult
population would be in prison.
P
There are a great many well-meaning
members of our own society who sincere-
ly believe that we would have a happier,
healthier civilization if there were less
emphasis upon sex in it. These people
are ignorant of the most fundamental
facts on the subject. What is clearly
needed is a greater emphasis upon sex,

PLAYEOY

not the opposite, Provided, of course, we
really do want 2 healthy, heterosexual
society.

A society may offer negative, suppres-
sive, perverted concepts of sex, relating
sex to sin, sickness, shame and guilt; or.
hopefully, i offer a positive, per-
missive, natural view, where sex is related
to happiness, to beauty, to health and to
feelings of pleasure and fulfillment.

Sow concepts of sin, shame and sup-
pression in the early years of life and you
will reap frustration, frigidity, impo-
tence and unhappiness in the у
thereafter.

.
OL accept the argument tha
some flaw in the nature of n some
weakness, or devil in the flesh, that pr
duces our sexual yearnings and behavior:
we reject as totally without foundation
the premise of the prude, who would
have us believe that man would be
healthier and happier it he w
how able to curb these nati
.
tercourse

АН sexual
church-state-

the

outside
anctioned bonds of matri-

mony is prohibited under the statutes on
fornication and adultery; all nonpro
creative sexual activity, between the same
and opposite sexes, both inside and out-
side of ma 5 any
undue arity with household pets. is
prohibited under the statutes on sodomy,
Our state laws on sodomy are derived
directly from the religious doctrine that
the only natural purpose of sex is pro-
tion; it follows, therefore, that non-

procreative sex is a “crime against
nature.”

These sodomy statutes are so all-
inclusive in their joyless suppression of

any variety in our sexual behavior that
we might be prompted то conclude that
the only form of loveplay left legal is
petting. Such a conclusion would be over-
ly optimistic, In two states (Indiana and
Wyoming), the sodomy statutes actually
nclude a prohibition against heavy pet-
ting (the masturbation of another person
of either sex who is under the age of 21).
.

There are only two legally permissible
sexual outlets for the unmarried members
of society: nocturnal emissions and soli-

So intimately is sex interrelated with
the rest of human experience that it is
of a society exist-
s we know it, without benefit of the
primal sex urge. Most certainly, if such a
society did exist, it would be a very cold,
totalitarian and The
existence of two ttrac-
tion for each other, must bc considered
the ma our
done for

ag influence
world. As much as religion

the development and growth of society
аз done more,

ses
б

Since one of the things rrAYmov is
especially concerned about is the deper
sonalizing influence of our entire soci
and considerable editorial attention
given to the problem of establishing

ау:
is wrong to suggest that we favor deper-
sonalized sex.

E
айшу think that personal sex
ble to impersonal sex, because
cludes the greatest emo!
wards: but we can see no logical justifi
tion for opposing the latter, unless it

"If a man has a right
to find God in his
own way, he hasa right
to go to the Devil
in his own way also.”

ive, coercive or in

irresponsible, expl
some way hurts onc of the indi
involved.

uals

б
We are opposed to wholly selfish sex,
but we are opposed to any human rela-
tionship that is entirely selLoriented—
that takes all and gives nothing in return.
We also believe that any such totally
self-serving association is self-destructive.
Only by remaining open, and vulnerable,
can a person experience the full joy and
satisfaction of human existence. That he
must also, thereby, know some of the
sorrow and pain of this world is without
question, but that, too, is a part of the
adventure of living. The alternative—
closing oneself off from experience and
nd knowledge—is to be only
The ultimate invulnerability
self.

sensation

The simple act of sex performed prior
to marriage does not, per se, increase the
chances of a successful marriage, of
course. It is the attitudes that lead to the
act that will determine how well a person
adjusts both to sex and to marriage. Sex
is often а profound emotio: xper
ence. No dearer, more intimate. more
personal act is possible between two
human beings. Sex is, at its best, ап €x-
pression of love and adoration. But this
is not to say that sex is, or should be,
limited to love alone. Love and sex are
certainly not synonymous, and while they
may often be closely interrelated, the опе
is not necessarily dependent upon the
other.

Sex can be one of the most profound
and rewarding clements in the adventure
of living: If we recognize it as not neces
sarily limited to procreation, then we
should also acknowledge openly that it
is not necessarily limited to love either.
Sex exists with and without love and in
both forms it does far more good than
harm, The attempts at its suppression,
however, are almost universally harmful,
both to the individuals involved and to
society as a whole.

Sin and crime become intermixed and
confused—and the religious views of a
portion of society are forced upon the
rest of it, through government coc
cion, whether they are consistent with
the personal convictions of the individ-
ual or not.

If а man has а right to find God in
his own way, he has a right to go to the
Devil in his own way also.

Our society's repressive and. suppres-
sive antisexualism is derived [rom twist-
ed theological concepts that becime
firmly embedded in Christianity during
the Dark Ages, several hundred years
after the crucifixion of Christ, and
spread and became more severe with
lvinist Puritanism after the Reforn
tion. In the Old World, the people
suffered under totalitarian church-state
controls of both Catholic and Protestant
igin and many of the early colonists
America came here in search of the
dom denied them in Eu-
rope. Our own founding fathers, well
aware of the history of religious tyranny
in other countries, established with the
Constitution of the United States the
concept of a separate church and state аз
the best means of assuring that both
our religion and our government would
remain free, thus guaranteeing the free-
dom of the people.

Unfortunately, the seeds of rcli,
an ism were already planted in
the people themselves, however; in add
tion, through the centuries, a с
amount of ecclesiastical law had found
its way into the common law of Europe,
and then into American law as well. As
a result, not even the ntees of the
Constitution itself were enough to keep
our religion and government apa

We're applying 16th Century religion
to a 20th Century world; a more sophis-
ticated time requires a more sophisticat-
ed faith. There's no logic in the belief
that man's body, mind and soul are in
conflict rather than harmony with one
another.

in
religious fr

iex uai

Even if all of the religious leaders
of the nation were of a single mind on
the subject, it is clear that in this free
democracy, they would have no right to

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PLAYBOY

THE PLAYBOY FOUNDATION

how the magazine has translated words into deeds—a chronology of social activism

After expressing his basic principles
and editorial credo in “The Playboy
Philosophy,” Hefner went on (o
create "The Playboy Forum, The
Playboy Foundation and, most re-
cently, The Playboy Legal Defense
Team—to “pul our money where our
mouth is," as some described our
decision to support various social,
political and legal reforms. The fol-
lowing is a chronological listing of
some of the events that highlight
PLABoY’s increasing social activism
over the years.

August 1959: PLAYBoY donates the
opening-night proceeds of The
Playboy Jazz Festival to the Chicago
Urban League for its work in im-
proving race relations. This is the
beginning of an ongoing commitment
to minority rights and racial equality
in America.

October 1959: rr vov publishes its
first editorial, “The Contaminators,”
condemning radioactive pollution of
the earth's atmosphere by the cont
ued testing of nuclear weapons. In
the first issue of the magazine, nearly
5 years lier, Editor-Publisher
Hugh M. Hefner had promised a pub-
lication that would entertain, extol
the good life and not try to solve
world problems, He modified that
policy when it became apparent that
the good life envisioned and described
by PLAYBOY was being denied to many
because of repressive and irrational
social and political policies

December 1962: The first install-

ment of The Playboy Philosophy is
published.
1963: The Playboy Forum is
established as a major feature of the
magazine to permit PLAYBoY's readers
and editors to debate the issues raised
by The Playboy Philosophy.

June 1965: Hefner's comments in
the Philosophy on this country's re-
pressive sex laws bring a flood of let-
ters, including one from a former
West Virginia disc jockey, Donn Cald-
well, serving up to ten years for
a “aime against nature" —heterosex-
ual fellatio. In the course of frecing
Caldwell from prison, the Playboy
Foundation is created as the action
arm of The Playboy Philosophy.

December 1965: rLayboy becomes
the first major national magazine to
advocate legal abortion—on the
ground that women have the same
rights as men to control their own

bodies and to choose whether or not
to bear children. The Playboy Foun-
dation supports both regional and
national organizations promoting
freedom of choice on abortions, and
participates in a series of cases, onc of
which ultimately goes to the U.S. Su
preme Court in 1973. The Court's de-
cision guarantees the right of women
abortions legally. (The
m has continued to fund
and otherwise support the organiz
tions that are today fighting efforts
to create new restrictions on abor-
tions or to deny them to the poor.)

December 1965: In response to yet
more letters from readers, The Playboy
Forum begins reporting numerous ir
stances of illegal opening of first-class
mail and the use of entrapment and.
ssment by Federal postal inspec
tors looking for obscenity in private
correspondence. Over the next several
months. the Forum is able to docu
ment the illegal opening of first-clas:
l, the warrantless searches of
homes, the confessions obtained from
people not informed of their rights,
the efforts of postal and other Federal
nts to persuade employers to fre
individuals suspected of nothing worse
than sending "obscene" postcards
through the mail—cards that include
such words as shit and fuck. By citing
1 instances where overzealous
1 inspectors have caused such
people to be prosecuted, rrAvsov and
some influential readers persuade the
U.S. Congress to hold hearings on
U.S. Post Office Department policies.

August 1966: Senator Everett. M.
Dirksen, prompted by a letter from a
rLAYTOY reader, queries Chief Postal
Inspector H. B. Montague to explain
the alleged invasions of postal privacy.
by Federal employees. Montague in-
sists that. postal have the
authority to ope 1 in
search of obscenity. PLAYBOY points
out that the U. $. Supreme Court has
red the searching of private mail
for obscenity to be unconstitutional,
and the U. S. Department of Justice
agrees.

September 1966: The Forum re-
prints a letter from Timothy J. May,
general counsel for the U. S. Post OF
fice Department, ad g that the
practice of opening first-class mail has
been di 1

April 1967:
fense Fund and the 2

Ме NAACP Legal De-
.C.L.U. receive

grants from the Playboy Foundation
for their continuing fight against cap-
ital punishment

July 1967: The Foundation pro-
vides the first of several major grants
to The Sex Information and Educ-
tion Council of the United States
(SIECUS) to support its nationwide
educational programs

January 1968: Forum Newsfront is
created as a special section of The
Playboy Forum to rcport on incidents
and events that occur throughout the
“the sexual and social are-
nas." These range from the frivolous
report of a woman having a home-
made chastity belt cut off by the local
fire department to important legal
decisions on censorship. sex laws,
portion reform, drug problems,
women’s rights, racial equality and
other civil liberties.

January 1968: The Foundation
provides the first of several major
grants—amounting to several hundred
thousand dollars—to the Masters and
Johnson Reproductive Biology Re-
scarch Foundation. These grants assist
Masters and Johnson in developing a
comprehensive program for the train-
ing of health-care professionals in the
treatment of sexual dysfunction.

February 1968: The Foundation
starts what eventually ends as a suc
cessful defense of birth-control advo-
te William Baird, Jr. who has
defied archaic Massachusetts sex laws
prohibiting “crimes against cha
by publicly giving an unm:
an a contraceptive,

July 1968: The Forum reports the
outcome of the cise of an Indiana
man, Charles O. Cotner, who has
served three years of a M-ycar ser
tence for violating that state's sex
laws. His crime: consensual
tercourse with his wife. With the help
of the Foundation, Cotner's attorney
files a successful appeal and he is
freed.

February 1969: Grinnell College
students arrested for indecent expo-
sure for undressing in antiPLAYBOY
campus protest request assistance
from the Playboy Foundation for
their defense—and get it

February 1969: The Forum exposes
the practice of indefinite psychiatric
sentencing, focusing on the case of
William McDonough, held in the
Patuxent (Maryland) Institution for
Defective Delinquents. For the same

offenses that would have earned him
no more than a short jail term, Mc-
Donough can remain locked up as a
mental patient for the rest of his
life. Later, McDonough not only is
Íreed, with the help of the Founda-
tion, but wins a lawsuit establishing
the right of mental patients 10 pub-
licize their cases, as McDonough did
by writing to rPLaynoy.

May 1969: Foundation support of
the Institute for Sex Research at In-
d University (founded by Dr
Alfred. Kinsey) begins with grants to.
undertake research into homosexual-
ity and to establish an information.
service. These and other grants cven-
tually total over $100,000.

May 1969: The Foundation sup-
ports the successful appeal of а Flor-
ida journalist convicted of attempting
to perform cunnilingus with а con-
senting adult, in a case of prearranged
police entrapment.

June 1969: The Forum reveals that

a nationwide campaign against sex
education in public schools is being
orchestrated by the John Birch So-
ciety through a front group called
MOTOREDE (Movement to Restore
Decency). The Foundation provides
her financing to SIECUS, de-
as subversive in Birchite
aganda,
July 1969: The Foundation finances
of Chicago survey of
some 3400 psychiatrists and psycholo-
gists concerning the social effects of
pornography. The study finds that
more than four out of five of the re-
spondents reject the idea that sexual-
ly explicit materials incite people to
either sex crimes or to other antisoci
behavior, and a majority suggest that
censorship is more likely to create so-
cial and sexual problems than to solve
them. These findings are supplied
to the Presidential Commission on
Obscenity and Pornography, which
reaches similar conclusions. The Nix-
on Administration rejects the Com-
mission's findings as well as its
recommendation that censorship laws
be repealed.

February 1970: The Center for Con-
stitutional Rights receives a Playboy

Foundation grant in support of its
assistance in the Chicago Seven con-
spiracy trial.

August 1970: The Foundation pro-
vides initial financing for Opera-
tion PUSH, organized by Chicago
civil rights leader The Reverend Jesse
Jackson.

October 1970: The Foundation sup-
plies funds to Washington, D.C.
tomey Keith Stroup to establish the
National (concluded on page 387)

force a universal code of sexual conduct
upon the rest of society, Our religious
leaders, of every faith, can loudly pro-
claim their moral views to one and all,
and attempt to persuade us as to the
correctness of their beliefs—thev have
this right and, indeed, it is expected of
them. They have no right, however, to
attempt in any way to force their be-
liefs upon others through coercion. And
most especially, they have no right to
use the power of the Government to
implement such coercion.
°

Since no such common agreement
exists among the clergy of modern Ame
ica, it is all the more incredible—if по
more monstrous—to consider the extent
to which religious dogma and supersti-
tion have, all demoaatic ideals and
constitutional guarantees 10 th
пагу, found their way into our ci
law. And nowhere is this unholy alliance
between church and state more obvious
than in matters of sex. In our most per-
sonal behavior, no citizen of the United
ates is truly free.

H
The founding fathers included. neces-

sary safeguards in both the Constitution
and the Bill of Rights specifically est

lishing religious freedom and the separa-
tion of church and state. To this end,
they had a much earlier reference: "Ren-
der therefore unto Caesar the things
which be Caesars, and unto God the
things which be God's" (Luke, 20:25)
But for all their prccau

In a remarkable example of

double-think, we've successfully sustained
our freedom of religion but not freedom

from religion.

1t should be understood that when we
refer to freedom from religion, we are
not simply contemplating the problems
that a publicly professed atheist or ag-
nostic may encounter in being accepted
in certain areas of our society today.
Our concern is the extent to which re-
ligious beliefs and prejudices have infil-
uated and influenced our laws as well as
the men who enact them, execute them
and judge them.

D
ism was still so dominant a
force in America less than 50 years ago
that, from 1919 to 1933, the entire na-
tion sulfered under the enforced Prol;
bition established by Congress with the
18th Amendment. National Prohibition,
known as the Noble Experiment, was
almost certainly the most corrupting
legislation ever established in the Unit-
ed States; it made criminals out of hon-
cst men and drunkards out of sober oncs.
It stands as a monument to the evil that
can result when man attempts to estab-

lish by governmental edict what should
rightfully be a matter of personal choice.
9
We confess to а strong personal prej-
udice in favor of the boygirl variety of
sex, but our belief in a free, rational and
humane society demands a tolerance of
those whose sexual inclinations are dif-
ferent from our own—so long as the
activity is limited to consenting adults i
private and does not involve either mi-
nors or the use of any kind of coercion.
°
To whatever extent homosexuality
represents an emotional disorder, it must
be dealt with psychiatrically: you do not
successfully treat a neurosis by passing a
law against its symptoms. In addition.
homosexual behavior is not necessarily
symptomatic of any emotional aberra-
tion: too great a percentage of our
adult population have engaged in some
form of homosexual activity at some
ne in their lives to permit it to be
ifically defined as abnormal.
°
Most analysts, psychiatrists and psy
chologists consider the confirmed homo-
sexual emotionally disturbed: and the
jority of those with whom they come
in contact undoubtedly are. Analyst
Ernest van den Haag was once told by a
colleague, "All my homoscxual p
you know, are quite sick." "Ah, yes,
Dr. van den Haag, "but so are all my
heterosexual pa

Nothing but a healthier emphasis on
the heterosexual will ever reduce the
homosexual clement in socicty, And not
even that, it must be added, will ever
eliminate it entirely—but it is one of the
natural variations on the human sexual
theme.

Whatever the multiple motivations
that prod the prude and the censor, it
should be clear that much more is in-
volved than simply the considered. pro-
tection of the public from ideas that
might prove harmful. Our democracy is
founded on the premise that people have
а God-given right to knowledge—a right
to know. And no human being has the
right to tamper with the free flow of ideas
among his fellows.

D
Since the beginning of recorded his-
tory, there have been individuals deter-
ied to force their own standards upon
their fellow men, And time inevitably
proves that the “dangerous” work of art
or literature of one generation is the
classic of the next—that any contempo-
ry condemnation of the spoken or the
written word appears ridiculous to suc-
ceeding gencrations.
D
or it matters little if a book is burned
sc it contains an unpopular politi.
idea or an unpopular moral or reli-
us onc—the book has been burned

bec

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just the same—and society is a little
poorer for having lost perhaps just one
small voice, one difference of opinion,
one divergent thought or idea.

The charge of obscenity itself is some-
times used as a cover for other things to
which the censor objects: Political, phil
il, religious and
racial ideas have all been damned
time or another for being “obscene

Obscenity, like beauty, is in the eye of
the beholder, As D. Н. Lawrence has
brilliantly observed, "What is pornogra-
phy to one man is the laughter of genius
to another.”

t onc

E
If the human body—far and away the
most remarkable, the most complicated,
the most perlect and the most beautiful
creation on this carth—can become ob-
jectionable, obscene or abhorrent, when
purposely posed and photographed to
capture that remarkable perfection and
beauty, then the world is a far more
cockeyed place than we are willing to
admit. That there may be some people
in this world with rather cockeyed ideas
on that's.
something else again.
.

It has long seemed quite incredible—
indeed, incomprehensible—to us that de-
tailed descriptions of murder, which we
consider a crime, are acceptable
art and literature, while detailed de-
scriptions of sex, which is not a crime, are
prohibited. It is as though our society put
hate above love—favored death over life.

The attitude that some ideas are best
kept from the citizenry advances a con-
cept of totalitarian paternalism that is
contrary to the most basic ideals of our
Iree society. It is akin to the coloni,
concept that a new nation may not yet
be ready to rule itsell. The only way in
which the people of a country can ever
become mature enough for self-rule is by
setting them free to practice self-rule.
Similarly, the only way in which a society
can mature sexually, socially and. philo-
sophically is by allowing it naturally free
and unfettered sexual, social and philo
sophical growth. By treating our own
citizens like so many overprotected chil-
dren, we have produced our present, too-
often-childlike, immature, hypocritical
social order.

jcets of this sort—well,

Discussing, describing or graphically
depicting sex too explicitly, or with an
improper moral point of view, is still
prohibited throughout much of these
supposedly free United States. Why? Be
cause it may lead 10 like behavior. And
that is the greatest fear of all: that sex
may be indulged in freely, without the
burden of guilt and shame placed upon

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it by our ignorant, superstitious, fear-
ridden ancestors in the Middle Ages.
E

The Supreme Court’s definition of
obscenity makes reference to “contempo-
rary community standards," Thus, the
obscenity of yesterday is not necessarily
the obscenity of today, and the obscenity
of today need not be the obscenity of
tomorrow. Ce
stand

ntemporary community
rds never remain but offer
ever-changing criteria for judgment. It is
the subjective nature of obscenity that
[disturbed] great men like Supreme
Court Justice Hugo Black, who [feli]
that the freedoms guaranteed by our
Constitution should be absolutes—a
solid, unshakable foundation upon which
our democracy is built

•

The lowest forms of pornography tend
to flourish in a sexually suppressive
mosphere rather than onc that is open
and permissive. Censorship creates an
appetite for the hidden and suppressed;
pornography would Jose much of its ap-
peal in a sexually free society

The judicial assumption that pure
pornography is without any “redeeming
social importance" is open to serious
question. There is presently a consider-
able school of scientific opinion amongst
authorities on human behavior suggesting
not simply that pornography is harmless,
but that it may actually hı
s a sublimation and rcl
sexual frust

е lor pentup
ion and desires.
.

The contemporary psychiatrist knows,
and will gladly tell any who care to
listen, that books, and pictures, and
pamphlets and papers that deal openly
nd honestly with sex have little or no
effect upon human behavior and what-
ever effect they do have is healthful,
rather than injurious, to society; never
mind that the science of. psychiatry has
revealed that it is the repression of the
natural sex instinct, and the association
of scx with guilt and shame, that cause
the hurt to humankind producing fri
gidity, impotence, masochism, sadism
and all manner of sexual perversions,
social and psychological ills, neuroses
and psychoses; never mind that all of
history documents the utter. impossibil-
ity of curbing the normal sex drive, of
keeping the male and female free trom
this sin of the flesh; never mind that
modern research into sex behavior has
revealed that America
tempts at sexual suppression have f.
to halt or seriously hinder the “immor-

's own Puritan at

iled

sex conduct of the majority of our
adult population and resulted in nought
but frustration, aberration, agony and
heartache; never mind that any effort
to regulate or control the private sexual
morality of the adult citizens of the
United States is contrary to the principle
of individual freedom that is the very

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PLAYBOY

foundation of our democracy, and is in
conflict with the most basic gu.
of our tution and Bill of Rights.

nd—for such arguments are
sed upon reason. And there is noth
reasoned or rational about our society's
attitude toward sex. It is based, instead,
1 conglomeration of
faith, my

Amer intellectual and anti-
tory has undoubtedly hurt us

tion is
ion, the

adices arc

n and while U. 5. edin
ле

receivi increased
symptoms of our carlicr pr
still reflected in the public primary and
secondary school systems across the na
n. which devote more time, mon
and effort—special instruction, special
classes, special schools—to the subnor-
mal child than to the superior one.
Whereas our institutions of learning
should stress free inquiry and academic
achievement, too often they only рег.
petuate conformity, reinforce. society's
prejudices, promote so па nonaca-
demic curricula, suffer I cher
status and pay, and are plagued by po-
litical and religious interi
°
Progress necessarily requires the e

in our

perverse,
opportu

aproper or peculiar—has
to be considered, to
ad ultimate

s
bc
to bc ac
ejected by society as a whole

cepted or
or by some small part of it. This is the
ntage that a free society

has over a totalitarian one, for in the
free exchange of ideas, the best will ulti-
mately win out. A di ip. with i

preestablished dogma, is chained to the
past: a free society may draw from the
past, the present and the future.
А
n concepts place а раг-
ce, а religi class,

АН toralita
ular group—

ities, and we should create a culture that
mot only accepts these differences but
respects and actually nurtures them.
б

It should also be clear that man must
main free il he is to continue to con-
є and create, Гог history has proven,
n every age and place, that the men
most responsible for the world’s progress
are often ridiculed and derided by their
fellow men and their conuibution per-
ceived only with the passage of time.

.
int to remi

It is impor
American democracy

ber that our
based not simply

the will of the majority but on the
protection of the will of the minority.
And the smallest minoi
the individu

The Bible singles out the meek and
the poor in spirit lor special blessings.
Wed like to add one of our own:
Blessed is the rebel—without him there
would be no progress.

We believe in а society based upon
cason. The mind of man sets him apart
from the lower animals and we believe
that man should use his intellect to
create an сусг more perfect, productiv

ble, fulfilling. happy, healthy
ional society
ve in the existence of abso-
п a mystical or religious
sense but in the certainty that the true
nature of m and the universe is
knowable, and the conviction that the

"On June fourth, we were
arrested in our home
on charges of ‘publishing
and distributing an
obscene publication.”

acquisition of such truth should be one
of the major goals of ma
.
No conflict exists between the pleas
e a modern American finds in mate
i struggle to discover

encomp:
al of them sati:

of. these—and
spur a man on to do more. see more.

know more, experience more, accom-
plish more. This is the real meaning.
the purpose, the point of life itself: the
continuing, upward striving and search-
ing for the ultimate truth and beauty

The founding fathers of this great
democracy were unalterably opposed. to
any exception in this nation's guarantees
of the freedoms of speech and press be-
cause of supposed immoral, licentious,
obscene or otherwise objectionable ideas
L be expressed, for they were
convinced that no man, or group of
men, or any government had the right
1 the opinions of any other n
се expression

Nothing in the intervening years has
given us any reason to disagree with the
wisdom of those first American patriots.

Afler discussing censorship in an

lier installment of “The Playboy Philos-

aT-

ophy." we moved on to other subjects.
Then, in June 1963, wc were rousted out
of bed by Chicago police and arrested
for publishing obscenity—seminude pho
tos of Jayne Mansfield. That incident,
while perfectly illustrating the dangers
oj censorship laws, had а comical side as
well, and we took a break from our
“philosophizing” 10 share it with
pLaywoy's readers. A jury, incidentally,
failed 10 convict.

This issue we had intended discussing
modern Amei udes and be-
g subject will
have to wait a month or two, for an-
other related concern—censorship—hias
been too for
upon us to be deni
ment, On June fourth, we were arrested
in our home on charges of “pu
and distr ig an obscene publ
If that fact seems incredible to our rc
ers, the full story behind the arrest is
even more unbelievable, It serves
emphasize a point we discussed in ear
installments of the Philosophy regarding
the importance of the separation of
church and state in a [ree socicty.

The melodrama began
day alternoon. We were asleep in our

home (ог. as Time reported it, in our
“h

mble 40-room pad on Chicago's
. We had been working all
h the previous day and night on
the August installment of the Philosophy
and retired in the latc morning to gral»
40 overdue and badly needed winks.
Wed gotten about half that number
tercom beside our bed buzzed

when the
us awake. It was our housekeeper, who
informed us that four of Chicago's finest
our front door with а w;
our arrest and that CBS TV. was there
also, with сате

TI arge, w
ity—someone had objected to the pictures
of Jayne Mansfield in the June issue and
managed to get a warrant for our arrest.
Now. it should be mentioned th: vio-
ion of the Chicago obscenity statute is
a misdemeanor carrying a maximum fine
of $200 for the guilty; it is not uncom-
mon, when the charge is a minor one, to
serve the warrant and arrange [or the
booking and posting of bond at a time
convenient to all concerned. We asked
our housekeeper, therefore, to request
that the officers contact our attorneys the
following morning and m; ange-
ments through them for accepting the
warrant, ete. At this point, the melo-
drama took on some of the attributes of
high comedy as our housckeeper mist
derstood our instructions—which were
given, we must confess, while only three
quarters awake. She went downstairs and
gave our message not to the police but
with the TV c
n that we would

were told, was obscen.

e cl

to the mei
took it to

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statement to make to the press through
our attorneys the following morning.

We turned over, only half believing
that we weren't still asleep and the whole
thing }им а bad dream caused by the
frankfurters and Pepsi we'd consumed
just before retiring: we'd managed то get
another one and a half winks when the

intercom buzzed us awake a second time
We got our

‘ound and our housekeeper signed off

instructions straightened

to carry them down to the officers of the
Jaw: half a wink later, the intercom
buzzed again. The police 1 refused
ıo listen to her, she said: whats more
they had followed her back into the
house and were, at that moment, in the
hallway just outside our room. She was
trapped in another part of the house—
unable to return to her office, which
opens onto our private quarters, for f
they would follow her there also.

Now fully awake, and convinced that
the franks and cola had

nen h;

othing to do
with the situation, we decided it was timc
to call our lawyer; we reached him, ар

propriately enough, at a meeting of il
Civil Liberties Union. We dressed to the
thumpity-thumpthump of police fists
pounding on our bedroom door. The
protectors of law and order were contem.
plating breaking it down when our at
torneys arrived

From that point on, with our legal
representatives on the scene, the police
were most courteous. We drove to head
quarters, were booked, posted bail (5200)
and were free in less than hall an hour

But why, Irv Kupeinet wondered in
his column in the Chicago Sun-Times the
next day, had four armed huskies of the
Chicago police force been required to
“one nonviolent publisher"? Per-

arrest
haps, we suggested ro Kup, they sent
о

extra men along on the chance th

or two might get lost in our swimming
pool with the Bunnies. But we couldn't
help speculating on the obvious attempt

rest

to make a. public spectacle of the
Who, for example. had tipped off the
TV station, so that television cameras
g when the

were at the house w:
police arrived?

The arrest was allegedly prompted by
the nude photographs of Jayne Mansfield
Were these photographs the real reason
for the action taken
possible that The Playboy Philosophy it
self, critical of the church-state implica
tions in the Chicago justice recently
meted out to comedian Lenny Bruce, and
emphasizing that true religious freedom
means freedom from as well as freedom
of religion, supplied the motive?

The press and news commentators of
radio and TV tended to treat the arrest
as a joke, and if the implications of
governmental censorship were not so
serious, we would have, too.

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sane rw, MARLON BRANDO

a candid—if reluctant—conversation with the country's greatest actor

s considered by many to be the
world's greatest living actor, the man who
changed the style of the movies, ihe most
influential and widely imitated actor of
his generation. He burst onto our con-
sciousness wearing a lorn T-shirt, mum-
bling, giowling, scowling, screaming for
“Stella!” as Stanley Kowalski in Ten-
nessee Williams “A Streetcar Named
Desire,” first on Broadway, then on film.
It marked the beginning of a carcer that
was to be as wild as many of the charac
ters he so expertly portrayed.

An intensely private man, Marlon
Brando stirs emotions and elicits reac-
lions that go beyond his status as either
actor or political activist. He's been
called brilliant, a lout, considerate, arro-
gant, gentle, selfish, a chauvinist, gener-
ous, an cgomaniac, selfless. He has passed
into myth, become history. The highest
paid and most respected actor in. Amer-
ica, he is one of the select artists who
will doubtless be remembered into the
next century,

From the beginning, Brando unleashed
a raw power thal had never been seen be
fore on the screen. He talked through his
body, affecting viewers emotionally each
lime he got beat up and stood up. What
audiences knew of courage they saw
enacted by Brando time and time again,

The Men" to “On the Water-
" to “Viva Zapata?’ And what they
thought was evil was reinterpreted and
given new dimensions as Brando became
a wild punk hoodlum, а Nazi officer, a
kidnaper, a bandit, an Ugly American
Ambassador, a Mafia chief.

Like a figure in a classical Greek drama,
after rising to the top during the Fifties,
his career plummeted to disappointing
lows in the Sixties, Yet, when people
thought he had nothing left to give, he
mounted a magnificent and stunning
comeback with “The Godfather” and
“Last Tango in Paris,” a film so brutally
and sexually honest that it was hailed as
adding а new dimension to the art

Born in Omaha, Nebraska, on April 3,
1924, “Bud,” as he was called, had lived
in three slates and five locations by the
lime he was six years old. His father,
whom Brando describes as “а strong, wild
man who liked to fight and drink,” was
a manufacturer of chemical feed products
and insecticides, His mother was a semi-
professional actress, who once appeared
with Henry Fonda in a 1928 production
of a Eugene O'Neill play.

After being expelled from military
school, he told his parents he would
enter the ministry. They talked him
oul of it. Then he thought he'd become

a musician, as he had a passion for
playing the bongo drums. When no one
hired his five-piece band, he worked for
six weeks laying irrigation ditches for a
construction company. Eventually, he
drified to New York, following his two
older sisters, who had studied acting and
painting. Jt was 1943 and he enrolled in
Erwin Piscators Dramatic Workshop at
the New School for Social Research. His
teacher was Stella Adler, a disciple of
Constantin Stanislavshy, who believed in
discovering a role from the inside out.

Under Adler's tutelage, Brando took
acting seriously. He demonstrated a love
for make-up, wigs and foreign accents,
and he began studying philosophy,
French, dance, fencing and yoga. What
he did mostly, however, was observe
people. He had the ability to pick up
others’ characteristics and translate Ihem
into revealing gestures.

He dressed in jeans and T-shirts, lived
in numerous cheap apartments and, like
most beginning actors, stood in unem-
ployment lines, Occasionally, he worked
at odd jobs, such as being a night watch-
man or an elevator boy at Besi's depart-
ment store. For a while, he roomed with
an old school friend, Wally Cox, who
eventually moved out because he could
no longer tolerate Brando's pet raccoon.

“As “Оп the Walerfront" was written, you
had this guy pulling a gun on his brother
їп a taxt. 1 said, ‘That's not believable."
So did it as if he couldn't believe it
and that was incorporated into the scene.

"Т have a burning resentment thal when
people meet you, they're meeting some
asshole movie actor, instead of а person
concerned with other things. This idiot
part of life has to go in the forefront.”

“Our relationship with the Indians is
unprecedented in history. No group of
people has ever so consistently and cruel-
ly suppressed another group of people
as Americans have the Indians.”

PLAYBOY

In the summer of 1944, as а member
of New York's Dramatic Workshop, he
performed in Sayville, Long Island,
where casling agent Maynard Morris
“discovered” Brando, Morris got him
some screen tests and then recommended

` he audition for the Rodgers and Ham-

merstein production of “I Remember
Mama,” by John Van Druten. With
Stella Adler encouraging him, Brando
auditioned, got the pari and spent the
next year earning 575 a week playing the
oldest son of immigrant Norwegians.

During that time, another older wom-
an entered his life: agent Edith Van
Cleve, who recognized the young actor's
raw energy. She got him other auditions,
none of them clicking until Miss Adler
convinced her husband, producer-director
Harold Clurman, to cast Brando in Max-
well Anderson's “Truckline Café.” De-
termined lo make him stop mumbling
and articulate, Clurman had Brando.
climbing ropes, screaming, falling, being
Kicked around the stage during rchears-
als. The effort worked, but the play
didn’t, closing within two weeks. Brando,
though, was noticed. A young Pauline
Касі remembers fecling embarrassed [or
him—"I looked up and saw what I
thought was an actor having a seizure on-
slage"—until she realized he was acting.

In 1946, he appeared with Paul Muni
in ^A Flag Is Born,” about the plight of
stateless Jews. Hi was his first involve-
ment in a political cause and the money
raised was sent to the League for a Free
Palestine, A year later, when Williams
completed “A Streetcar Named Desire,"
Brando was ready to make himself
known,

There are those who saw him as the
ruthless, savage, sexy Kowalski during his
yearand-a-half-long run on Broadway
who can still describe the way he moved
onslage. Critics quickly hailed him as the
most. gifted actor of his generation. But
the vole was demanding and led Brando
into analysis, which lasted for a decade.
It also led him into films, which he
openly disdained but which offered him
the opportunity to make more money,
work fewer hours and reach a wider
audience. Brando went to Hollywood
and never returned to Broadway.

From 1950 to 1955, Brando starred in
eight films, the fust six of which, as actor
Jon Voight recently said, “were absolute-
ly enormous.” Those films were "The
Men,” “A Strectcar Named Desire," “Viva
Zapata!" “Julius Caesar,” “The Wild
One” and “On the Waterfront.” Brando
had established the Method as the acting
force to contend with.

What Muni called Brando's «тав
nificent, great gift” was recognized in
4955 when he won the Oscar for Best
Actor for his role as Terry Malloy in “Оп
he Waterfront,” which he accepted.
ighteen years later, he won his second
Oscar, for his role as Don Vito Corleone
in “The Godfather,” but by then, Bran-

do's social consciousness had risen dramat-
ically and he disdained awards, refusing
to accept it and asking an American
Indian woman to stand before the acad-
emy and the world to explain why.
Between “On the Waterfront’ and
“The Godfather,” Brando made 19 pic-
tures (he's made 30 in his 28-year career
to date, including "Superman" and the
yet-to-be-released "Apocalypse Now”).
Some of them have been strong and sensi-
tive, such as “The Young Lions,” “Re-
in a Golden Eye,” “Burn!” and
ightcomers”; and some have been
embarrassing and irite, such as "A Count-
ess from Hong Kong” (written and di-
rected by Charles Chaplin) and “Candy.”
But whatever the vole, his acting has con-
sislently surprised and often confused his
audience with its unpredictability.
Throughout his career, Brando has
preferred to speak out on issues of social
importance rather than on acting and
the movies, involving himself in causes
far removed from make-believe. He has
actively participated im marches and
spoken out on behalf of the Jews, the
blacks, the American Indians, the down-
trodden and the poor; and against capi-
tal punishment, bigotry, awards, most

—
“Tue regretted most inter-
views. I used to answer ques-
tions and then I'd ask myself,
What the fuck am I doing?”

politicians, and policing organizations
whenever they seem to infringe upon
individual rights and freedoms. For
UNESCO, he flew to India during a
famine; in the state of Washington, he
was arrested for participating in an Indi-
an fish-in over river rights; in Gresham,
Wisconsin, he ducked bullets along with
radical Indians from the Menominee
tribe demanding a return. of disputed
land. Attacking critics who dubbed him
insincere, Shana Alexander wrote in a
Newsweek column, “No American 1 can
think of has taken his own initiative to
reduce injustice in this world morc
often, and been knocked down for it
more often, than Mavlon Brando.”

His relationships with mostly foreign
women have been mysterious and often
stormy. He has been legally married and
divorced twice: in 1957, to British actress
Anna. Kashfi, who had claimed to be of
East Indian origin, and in 1960, to
Mexican actress Movila. He had a child
with each woman and, for a dozen years,
he publicly battled through the courts
with his first wife for custody of their son.
In Tahiti for “Mutiny on the Bounty”
in 1960, he met his co-star, Tavita, with
whom he now has two children.

While in Tahiti, he discovered Tetia-
roa, an aloll of 13 islands 40 miles norih.
When it came up for sale, he purchased
й and he goes there as often as he can,
usually about four months of each year
To find out more about this complex and
intriguing man, who has refused until
now to sit for any lengthy interview,
PLAYBOY sent free-lancer Lewrence Grobe!
(who also interviewed Barbya Streisand
and Dolly Parton for us) to Tahiti at
Brando's invitation. Grobel reports

“When I got this assignment—17
months ago—I was told that Brando was
ready to talk and I should prepare for
the interview immediately. Having wait-
ed nearly a year to see Barbra Streisand,
I should have known better. One had
only to do a little research to see that
the man disliked talking about acting
almost as much as he loathed discussing
his private life.

“By October 1977, I was ready to sce
him, but he was far from ready to sce те.
Phone conversations with his secretary
Alice Marchak, who has been with Bran
do for 23 years, indicated that she was as
much in the dark about when we'd get
together as I was. Then one day while I
was talking with Alice, Brando picked up
the phone. He apologized for the delay,
wanted lo know how old I was and
warned me that the only thing he was in-
terested in talking about was Indians. I
told him for an all-encompassing inter-
view, Indians was not enough.

“After two more postponements, he
asked if I'd like to do the-interview in
Tahiti. Naturally, 1 agreed and a date
was set for April.

“By mid-June, 1 finally boarded a jet
for Papeete. I landed at 4:30 лм. and
was met by Dick Johnson, an American
who lives in Tahiti and works as Bran-
do's accountant there. On the following
day, 1 flew to Tetiaroa, where Brando,
looking like a ragged version of an East
Indian holy man, was waiting as ] dis-
embarked. For the next ten days, we ale
our meals together, went for walks along
the beach, went night sailing, played
chess and managed to tape five sessions,
lasting anywhere from two to six hours
each. It seems only appropriate to begin
the interview with a question about
Tetiaroa."

PLAYBOY: "This island you own is certa
ly a perfect place to talk—no phones,
no unexpected visitors, no interrup!
BRANDO: It’s very elemental here. You
have the sky, the sea, trees, the crabs, the
fish. the sun . . . the basics. Once, Т was
the only person here, absolutely alone on
this island. I really like being alone. I
never run out of things to think about
when I'm here.

PLAYBOY: As a growing up in Ne-
braska, did you ever imagine you'd end.
up as the caretaker of a South Sca
island?

BRANDO: I knew that when I was 12. In

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PLAYBOY

100 journalism in England

school. I was flunking four out of five
subjects and I'd be sent to study hall,
where I'd read back issues of the Л
tional Geographic. I always felt an affin-
ity toward these islands. Then, in 1960,
T came down here and it just sort of
confirmed what I'd always known.

PLAYBOY: For most of your career, you've
avoided doing any long interviews. Why?
BRANDO: Гус regretted most intervie
because they don't write what you say or
they'll get you out of context or they'll
juxtapose it in such a way that it's not
rellective of what you've said. I've read
so many interviews with people who a
not qualified to give answers to qu
tions asked—questions on economics,
archacological discoveries Tuscany,
recent virulent form of gonorrh
I used to answer those questions and
k myself, What the fuck am I
Its absolutely preposterous 1
should be asked those questions and,
equally preposterous, I found myself an-
ng [laughs]. 1 don't know a fucking
g about economics, mathematics or
anything else. And then you сап say

үз,

something in a certain spirit, with a
smile, but when it appears in print,
there's no smile.

PLAYBOY: We can always indicate that

with brackets. But when you do make a
rare public appearance, as you did with
Dick Cavett a few years аро, you don't
do much smiling. With Cavett, you stul
bornly insisted on spending 90 minutes
on onc topic, Indians, which seemed to
¢ him very nervous.

. He kept asking me ques-
tions, kept me uncomfortable. Dick was
trouble with his ratings at the
He's a good interviewer: bright,
v. intelligent, he buzzes things along.
But he blew it in my case, because I was
intransigent and intractable and would
not answer what I thought were si
questions. Which made his show dull.

1 had another discouraging experience
with the BBC. 1 went on a show that was
something like Tonight. 1 was very
All thc host did was ask me
questions about Superman—how much
money I got and stuff like that. He said,
“Were you able to get into your costume
for Superman?" And E would say, “Well
in 1973. Wounded Knee took place.” I
just didn't want to hold still for any of
the crap questions, but I wanted to be
courteous at the same time. They edited
the thing so I said nothing. I really
looked like an idiot.

Then 1 went downstairs to talk to
reporters from the London Times,
all the papers. I talked for three
hours with them about the American In-
n. They m pictures of me in my
Superman costume and that’s all they
wrote about. Then, once in a while, on
the back page, “Апа. . . blah blah blah
blah blah the American Indian."
appalled. 1 didn't believe the q
such that they

nervo

would have to go for the buck that way.
Tt was revolting.

PLAYBOY: But not very surprising, Get-
ting you to talk about Indians isn't much
of a journalistic scoop, is it? Not to deni-
grate what you have to sa bout th:
subject, but the fact is, anyone who i
terviews you would like to get you to
talk about other things as well—act
for example.

BRANDO: Yeah, but what a paltry ambi-
you want to schlock it up
the chance the interw
is going to be more successful. because
people are going to read it; it's going
to be a little more provocative and
down the line—get your finger under
the yeal Marlon Brando, what he really
thinks and all that. But I'm not going
to lay туѕе at the feet of the American
public and invite them into my soul. My
soul is a private place. And I have some
resentment of the fact that I live in a
system where you have to do that. E find
myself making concessions, because no
mally I wouldn't talk about any of this,
its just blabber. It's not absorbing or
ngful or significant, it doesn't have

mca

"People don't give a damn.
They don't want to know

anything. Most people just
want their beer or their soap
opera or their lullaby.”
—

much to do with our lives. It's dogfood
conversation, I think the issue of the
Indian is interesting enough so that we
don't have to talk about other things.
Bur I have the vague feeling that you
know where the essence of a commercial
interview lies, and what would make a
good commercial story wouldn't neces-
sarily be one that would mention the
American Indian at all. To me, it's the
only part that matters.

PLAYBOY: But you just mentioned celeb-
rities who talk about things that aren't.
relevant to their fields of endeavor. Your
passion is with the Indians, but your
expertise is as an actor.

BRANDO: I gue: ve a burning resent-
ment of the fact that when people meet
you, they're meeting some asshole celeb-
rity movie actor, instead of a person,
someone who has another view, or an-
other life, or is concerned a
things. This idiot part of life has to go
the forefront of things a of
major importance

PLAYBOY: But an entire interview d.
with nothing but thi
dians would inevi
BRANDO: I'd like

bout other

ling
problems of In-
bly become boring.

to be able to bore

people with the subject of Indians . .
since I'm beginning to think it’s true,
that everybody is bored by those issues.
Nobody wants to think about social is-
sues, social justice. And those are the
main issues that confront us. That's one
of the dilemmas of my Ше. People don't
give a damn. Ask most kids about details
about Auschwitz or about how the
Amcrican Indi; were assassinated as a
people and they don’t know anything
about it. They don't want to know any
thing. Most people just want thei
or their soap opera or their lullaby.
PLAYBOY: Be that as it may, you сап be
sure that people will be interested in
hat you'll undoubtedly be saving about
past and present social injustices. But
why not also respond to topics that may
not be serious but are just plain intei
esting—such as the fact that, to take a
andom example, Marilyn Monroe's one
ambition was to play Lady Macbeth to
your Macbeth?
BRANDO: Look, you're going to be ihe
biter of what is important and what
you tl cular salade niçoise
ingredi int ought to
"s going to have a little shtick.
little charm, a little of Marlon's ессеп.
s, we're going to 1
and pull the hem of die gown up there,
then. we're going to talk about Indians.
But there are things that you full well
know are important. Food
hem, UNICE other, n ap
gresion is another. social injustice in
our own back yard is another, human
njustice anywhere in the world. . . .
Those are issues that we have to c
stanly confront ourselves and others
h and deal with. Maybe what I'm go-
ing to say about them is meaningless or
doesn't have any solutions, but the fact
is, il we all start talking about them and
look at them, instead of listening t0 my
views on acting, which are totally irrel
t, maybe something can get done.
When I irrelevant, its certainly
relevant to money. You have to have
something as a sort of shill for the reade:
so if he gets to page one and he reads
about what I think about Marilyn Mon-
roe’s thoughts about me, King Lear to
her Cordelia or something as absurd.
that, or did she have a nice figure and
what do you think about women using
dumbbells to develop their busts2—I'm
exaggerating to make the point—the
ad. ches
nd r

beer

t the lid here

is one of

is hum

people are going to read that, a
they

y go on a little furi
g about Ind

PLAYBOY: Well, we're finally coming to
some agreement. You're absolutely rig!
So how do you respond to that little i
bout Marilyn?

BRANDO: I don't know how to answer the
question. [Mockingly] "Oh. well, that's
nice, my goodness, I didn't know Marilyn

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PLAYBOY

106

cared for me in that respect. . . . Hey.
well, she's a remarkable actress, I certain-
ly would have enjoyed” I can't re-
spond to that. It bores the shit out of me.
PLAYBOY: Can you respond to what hap-
pened to her?

BRANDO: No, I don't want to talk about
that, that's just prattle, gossip, shitty .. ,

it's disemboweling а ghost. . . . Marlon
Brando's view of Marilyn Monroe's
death. That's horrifying. What she said

about me and what I'm to say about her
can lead to the consequence of nothing.

PLAYBOY: Not necessarily. What if the
point of this were to lead to the subject
of suicide? You don't know what direc-
tions these questions might take
BRANDO: Now you're giving me you
yeshiva bocher, you know what that is
"That's two Jews under the Williamsburg
Bridge. It's the equivalent of the Chris-
tians’ arguing about how many angels
dance on the head of a pin. I'm not cast-
ing aspersions on your efforts. All I'm
saying is these are money-oriented ques-
tions. Those that have the best return.
arc the most controversial, the most star-
Ling, the most arresting. The idea is to
get a scintillating view that has not yet
been seen by somebody, so that you have
something unusual to offer, to sell. 1 just
don't believe in washing my dirty undi
wear for all to sce, and I'm not interested.
in the confessions of movie stars, Mike
Wallace had a program, it was an as-
tonmding program, some years
got people to come on
themselves. And in conver: they'd
throw up all over the camera and on
him, the desk. in their own laps, and tell
us about th probl with B.O. or
drinking or thei

proper sexual relation with their pet
Kangaroo, I was floored. 1 was fascinated
with that program. He was wonderful.

He's a damn good investigative report
Anyway, what people are willing to do
in front of a public is puzzling. 1 don't
understand why they do it, I guess it
makes them feel a little less lonely. I al-
ways found it distasteful and not some-
thing I cared to do. Did you ever read
any of Lillian Ross's Hollywood profiles
n The New Yorker? They were mostly
quotes of what celebrities said. They just
hung themselves by their own talk.
PLAYBOY; ‘That's what many critics said
about you when ‘Truman Capote profiled
you in The New Yorker during the mak-
ing of Sayonara, 22 years ago. Was that
the piece that turned you away from
doing interviews?

BRANDO: No. What I was very slow in
realizing was that money was the prin
pal motivation in any interview. Not
necessarily directly but indirectly. We're
money-bound people and everything we
do has to do with m ui
Our projects and act
with the making of money and the move-

re or less.

ment of money. I am a commodity sitting
here. Our union has to do with money.
You're making money, PLAYBOY'S making
money and, I suppose, in some way, I'm
making moncy. If money were not in-
volved, you wouldn't be sitting here ask-
ing me questions, because you wouldn't
be getting paid for it, I wouldn't be an-
swering the questions if there weren't
some monctary consideration involved.
Not that I'm getting it directly, but I'm
paying а debt, so to speak. When Hugh
Hefner paid the bail for Russell Means
[leader of the American Indian Move-
ment] a couple of years ago, I was grate-
ful. But people look for the money
questions, the money answers, and they
wait for a little flex of gelt in the conver-
sation. You can tell when you're talking.
they get very attentive on cert ub jects
PLAYBOY: Why don't we just proceed? You
know people are interested in you for
more complicated reasons than those.

BRANDO: No, they're not. You know you
wouldn't interview out-of-work movie
stars. J just happen to be lucky and have

“Elvis Presley—bloated,

over the hill, adolescent

entertainer—had nothing to
do with excellence, just
myth, It’s convenient for
people to believe some-

thing is wonderful.”

had a couple of hits and some controver-
sia] pictures lately, but I was down the
tubes not long ago. I always made a liv-
ing, but I wasn’t... I wasn't . .. sought
after, I suppose if I hadn't been success-
ful in a couple of movies that I would
have been playing different kinds of
parts for different kinds of monéy, and
you wouldn't be sitting here today.
PLAYBOY: No one wanted to inter!
when your career took a dive?
BRANDO: You could see it on the faces of
the air hostesses; you could see it when
you rented a car; you could sce it when
you walked into a restaurant. IE you've
made a hit movie, then you get the full
$24eeth display in some places; and if
you've sort of faded, they say, "Are you
still making movies? I remember that
picture, blah blah blah." And so it gocs.
The point of all this is, people are inter
ested in people who are successful,
PLAYBOY: And in people who will be re-
membered. Which is why we're talking.
BRANDO: I don't know. I think movie
stars are . . . about a decade. Ask young
kids now who Humphrey Bogart or

w you

Clark Gable was. "Didn't he play for the
'No, no, he was a tailback at.

PLAYBOY: So you think the fascination
with someone like yourself is fleeting?
BRANDO: There's a tendency for people
to mythologize everybody, evil or good.
While history is happening, it's being
iythologized. There are people who be-
lieve that Nixon is innocent, that he's a
man of refinement, nobility, firmness of
purpose, and he should be reinstated as
President, he did no wrong. And there
are people who can do no right. Bobby
Seale, for some people, is a vicious, per-
nicious symbol of something that is de-
structive in our society that should be
looked to with great caution and war
ness, a man from whom no good can
emanate. To other people, he's a poet,
an aristocratic spirit.

Pcople believe what they will believe,
rge degree. People will like you
ever met you, they think you're
absolutely wonderful; and then people
also will hate you, for that
have nothing to do with any real experi-
ence with you. People don’t want to lose
their enemies. We have Lav
people we love to hate and we hate to
love. If they do something good, we don’t
ike it. I found myself doing that with
Ronald Reagan. He is anathema to me.
If he does something that's reasonable, 1

reasons

ite enemies,

find my mind trying to find some wa

lerprer it so that it’s not reason
that somewhere it's jingoist extremism.
Most people want those
those who are worthy of our hat
get rid of a lot of anger that way; and
of those who are worthy of our idolatry.
Whether it’s Farrah Fawcett or somebody
else, it doesn’t make a difference. They
easily replaceable units, pick ‘em out like
a card file. Johnnie Ray enjoyed that
kind of hyste:
and then suddenly he wasn't there any-
more, The Beatles are now nobody in
particular, Once they set screaming
crowds
fear of their lives, they had special tun-
nels for them. They can walk almost
nyplace now. Because the fantasy is
gone. Elvis Presley—bloated, over the
hill, adolescent entertamer, suddenly
drawing people into Las Vegas—had
nothing to do with excellence, just myth.
It's convenient for people to believe that
something is wonderful, therefore they're.
wonderful.
fka and Kierkegaard arc k-
ble souls; they visited distant ids of
the psyche that no other writers dared
before—to some people, they were the
heroes, not Elvis Presle
PLAYBOY: Do you think all people have
heroes?
BRANDO: They have to have. Even nega
tive heroes. Richard the Thi “Can I
do this and cannot get а crown? Were it

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further off, ГЇЇ pluck it down!” In other
words, the fact that life was denied to
him, then he would do his best at being
bad, he would make a career of being
bad. The worst kind of bad you could
be: memorably bad, frighteningly bad,
powerfully bad. Had he had the oppor-
tunity, he might haye been powerfully
creative, powerfully loving, powerfully
noble. He didn't have the opportunity,
because he was twisted and deformed and
embittered by that experience. It's won-
derfully stated, Shakespeare: "Now is the
winter of our discontent/Made gloriou
summer by this sun of York." People's
energics—whether negative or positive—
are there to be used
somehow.

PLAYBOY: Bringing this back to you and
your own energies, you once said that for
most ol your carcer, you were trying to
figure out what you'd really like to do.
BRANDO: “You once said." There ought to
be a handbook for interviewers and one
of the don'ts should be: Don't say, “You
once said," because 984 percent of the
time, what you were quoted as haying
said once isn’t uue, The fact is, I did
say that. For a long time, L had no idea
really what it was that I wanted to do.
PLAYBOY: And you didn't feel that acting
was worth while or fulfilling enough?
BRANDO: There's a big bugaboo about
acting; it doesn't make sense to me.
Everybody is an actor; you spend your
g- Everybody has suffered

whole day ас
throu

h moments where you're thinking
one thing and feeling one thing and not
showing it. That's acting. Shaw said that
thinking was the greatest of all human
endeavors, but 1 would say that feeling
was, Allowing yourself to fecl things, to
feel love or wrath, hatred, rage. ... It's
very dificult for people to have an ex-
tended confrontation with themselves.
You're hiding what you're thinking, wha
you're feeling, vou don't want to upse
somebody or you do want to upset some-
body; you don't want to show that you
ic them; your pride would be injured
if they knew you'd been affected by what
they said about you. Or you hide a pica-
yune aspect of yourself, the prideful or
envious or vulnerable, and you pretend
that everything's all right, “Hi, how are
People look at your face and it’s
smtable: “And 1 shall prepare a
face to meet the faces that I meet.

So we all act, The only difference be-
tween an actor professionally and an
ctor in life is the professional knows a
Tittle bit more about it—some of them,
anyway—and he gets paid for it. But ac-
tually, people in real life get paid for
acting, too. You have a secretary who has
a lot of sex appeal and a great deal of
charm and she knows it, she’s going to
get paid for that, whether she delivers
1 favors or not. А very personable,
active young man, who reflects what

att

the boss says, is smart enough to know
what the boss feels and likes and wants
and he knows how to curry favor . .. he's
acting. He goes in in the morning and
he gives him a lot of chatter, tells him
the right kind of jokes and it makes the
boss feel good. One day the boss says,
Jim, why don't you go to Du-
luth and take over the department there?
I think you'd do a bang-up job." And
then Jim digs his toc under the rug and
says, “Oh, gosh, I never thought, J. В.
Gee, I don't know what to say.
Ill go. Wh And he jumps into the

plane and checks off what he’s been try-
ing to do for four years—get J. B. to
give him the Duluth office. Well, that

guy acting for a living, singing for his
supper, and he’s getting paid for it.
The same thing is true in gover
mental promotion or of a member of a
Presidential advisory committee, if he's
playing the power game—cause a lot of
people don't want 10 get paid in money,
they want to get paid in something else,
paid in affection or esteem. Or in hard
currency.
PLAYBOY: But there does secm to be a

—
“Acting is just hustling.
Some people are hustling
money, some power...
movie stars aren't artists."
———

difference between the professional actor,
who does what he does consciously, and
the subconscious behavior of the non-
professional.

BRANDO: Well, the idiot tome on acting
was written by Dale Carnegie, called
How to Win Friends and Influence
People. It's а book on hustling. Acting
is just hustling. Some people arc hustling
money, some power.

Those in Government during the Viet-
nam war were trying to hustle the Presi
dent all the time so their opinion would
be taken over that of others and their
recommended course of action would be
implemented. "That play was running
constantly. 1 can’t distinguish. between

one acting profession and another.
Theyre all acting professions.

PLAYBOY: What about acting as an i
form?

BRANDO: In your heart of hearts, you
know perfectly well that movie stars
aren't artists.

PLAYBOY: Bur there are times when you
can capture moments in a film or a
play that are memorable, that have
meaning
BRANDO: A prostitute cin capture а mo-
ment! A prostitute can give you all kinds

of wonderful excitement and inspiration
and make you think that nirvana has ar-
rived on the two-o'dock plane, and it
ain't necessarily so.

PLAYBOY: Do you consider amy pcople in
your profession artists?

BRANDO: No.

PLAYBOY: None at all?

BRANDO: Not one.

PLAYBOY: Бизе? Bernhardt? Olivier?
BRANDO: Shakespeare said. ... Poor guy,
he gets hauled out of the closet every
few minutes, but since there're so [ew
people around, you always haye to haul
somebody out of the closet and sa

adso said.” "That's like saying, *
once said.” [Laughs] But we know what
he said. "There's no art to find the

mind's construction in the face” Which
very plainly means that being able to
discover the subtle qualities of the hu-
man mind by the expression of the [ace
is an art, and there should be such an
art. 1 don't think he meant it seriously,
that it should be established among the
seven lively arts, to become the cight
the reading of physiognomy. But vou
can call anything art. You сап calla
shortorder cook an artist, because he
really does that—back flips, over and un-
der his legs, around his head, caroms "em
off the wall and catches them. 1 don't
know that you can exclude those things
as art, except you know in your bones
that they have nothing to do with art.
PLAYBOY: So vou have never considered
yourself an art
BRANDO: No, never, never. No. Kenneth
ark narrated а television program
called. Civilization. It was a remarkable
series. It was erudite, communicative,
polished, interesting to listen to. There
was a man who knew who the artists of
the world were. He didn't talk about
y paltry people that you and 1 might
mention. He doesn't know those people.
He talked about great art. He certainly
didn't refer to the art of film
PLAYBOY: But film is rellcctive of our art
and culture. Clark's Cwilizalion covered
a broad spectrum of history. Maybe in
50 or 100 years, the next Kenneth Clark
ill include the art of film.
y don't you do an interview
with Kenneth Clark and tell him that I
want to know [laughs] if he considers
Marlon Brando an artist?
PLAYBOY: Assume he would say ves.
BRANDO: If Kenneth Clark said that I

was an artist, I would immediately get
him to a neurosurgeon.
PLAYBOY: Now you're ignoring the au

thority you've cited. If actors can't be
artists, could films be works of art?
Would you consider Citizen Kane a
work of art?

BRANDO: I don’t thi
work of art. I simply do not.

PLAYBOY: Would you go as [ar as saying

any movie is a

109

PLAYBOY

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a collaborative effort can't be a
work of art?

BRANDO: Well, the cathedral in Rouens
or Chartres was a collective work,
brought about over perhaps 100 years,
where cach generation did something.
But there was an original plan. Michel
angelo's Saint Peter was created by him,
but thousands of people were involved
in it Bernini or Michelangelo would
conceive a piece of sculpture and then
have their students, artisans, knock the

that

big chunks out
PLAYBOY: Who is the artist in such cases?
BRANDO: The per
and also executes it
PLAYBOY: In A Streetcar Named. Desire
and Hamlet, Williams and Shakespeare
are artists, right?
BRANDO: Ycah.
PLAYBOY: So couldn't there be artists who
interpreted those works?

BRANDO: Sure. Heifetz certainly is an
artist, for God's sake. He is a particular
kind of artist; he's not a creative artist,
he’s an interpretive artist.

PLAYBOY: Can singers be artists?

BRANDO: [Long pause] No

PLAYBOY: Lyricists? Cole Porter, Harold
Arlen?

BRANDO: Shakespeare's a lyricist, he wrote
many

on who conceives it,

songs. Yeah, I suppose any cre-

ative writi

t you get so far down
to call
Stones artists. I heard some-
body compare them—or The
to Bach. It was claimed they had creat
ed something as
important as Bach, Haydn. Mozart and
Schubert. I hate rock "n' roll. It's
I liked it when the blacks had it in 1927
PLAYBOY: When it was called jazz?
BRANDO: No, it was called rock *n' roll.
PLAYBOY: We thought Alan Freed coined
the term in the Fifties.

BRANDO: That's not a new phrase. Rock
"n roll is as old as the beard of Moses.
PLAYBOY: What about someone like Bob
Dylan, who both writes and performs
his own work?

BRANDO: There are people who aspire
to being artists, but I don't think they're
worthy of the calling. I don't know of

on the scale, You're not going
The Rollin

Beatles—

memorable and as

gly

y movie actors, or any actors.
© no people. ... We can cali

tists, give them the generic term

There

them
if they're comfortable with that, but in
terms of great gnificent art, art
that changes that’s
whelming—where are they? Where are
the great artists today? N When
you look at Rembrandt or Baudelaire or
listen to the Discourses of Epictetus, you
know the quality of men is not the same.
There аге no giants today. Mao Tse
tung was the last giant

PLAYEOY: I we limit the discussion to the
world of film, there are plenty of actors
today who bow to you as a giant. You
may be repelled by that, but people such

art—n

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PLAYBOY

as AI Pacino, Barbra Streisand, Pauline
Elia Kazan have given you that

BRANDO: I don't understand what rele-
vance that has. Chubby Checker was the
giant among twisters. I don't know what
that illustrates. When you talked earlier

about film being reflective of art and
culture, the question went flaming
through my mind: What culture?

There's no culture in this country. The
last great artist died maybe 100 years
ago. In any field. "And we petty men
peep about between his legs to find
ourselves dishonorable graves.
PLAYBOY: Shakespeare?
BRANDO: Shakespeare. So we've somehow
substituted craft for art and cleverness
for craft. Its revolting! Its disgusting
that people talk about art and they
haven't got the right to use the word.
It doesn't belong on anybody's tongue
in this century. There are no artists.
We are businessmen. We're merchants.
There is no art. Picasso was the last one
1 would call an artist.

PLAYBOY: Picasso, you know, was also a
very commercial property. If he signed
a check for less than $75, it would be
worth more if you sold the signature
than if you cashed the check. .
BRANDO: I think that’s a wonderful joke.
Irs enormously clever. That he could
draw the outlines of an outhouse and
give it to somebody and it's worth
520,000. ‘Cause it's making a commen-
tary on the obscenity of our standards.
He knew it absolute trash, horseshit,
but it's just like a Gucci label. Yeah,
it's just a label, a Picasso label.

PLAYBOY: Well, the Brando label is also
highly valued. Are you astounded by
the money you get for a film?

BRANDO: | don't know how we segued
into that.

PLAYBOY: A lot of artists, like Picasso,
who received large sums of money also
considered themselves worthy,

BRANDO: Are you making an association
of worthiness with money? These are
hustling questions, Is a disposition to
get Brando to talk about these issues.
You can always feel when something in
the conversation is fertile and it’s got a
dollar sign on it.

PLAYBOY: What we're getting at is that
the L.A. County Museum, for one, con-
siders you enough of am artist to have
recently sponsored a Marlon Brando
Film Festival.
BRANDO: Oh, gcc, I missed that. Shucks.
PLAYBOY: ‘There aren't many film festi-
vals of contemporary actors in museums,
Isn't that at least . . . kind of nice?
BRANDO: Kind of nice, 1 guess that covers
it. Better than a poke in the eye with a
stick. How come you have to know about
acting all the time? What else ya got?
PLAYBOY: All right. We'll work politics

112 into our next question: Didn't the Ital-

ian-American Civil Rights Organization
say that you defamed their community
with your role as Don Corleone in The
Godfather?

BRANDO: I don’t know. If they said that
about me, then they must have felt that
was true.

PLAYBOY: Is it true that you vetoed Burt
Reynolds for James Caan's part in The
Godfather?

BRANDO: Francis would never hire Burt
Reynolds.

PLAYBOY: But do you have that kind of
control over who acts with you?

BRANDO: Well, you have to have rapport.
PLAYBOY: Have you been accused of eth-
nic slurs when you've played other na-
tionalities in your films?

BRANDO: No. J played an Irishman who
was a freak psychopath [The Nightcom-
ers] and I didn’t get any letters from
any Irish-American organizations. It
would have been difficult to make The
Godfather with an eighth Chinese, a
quarter Russian, a quarter Irish and an

“What culture? There's
no culture in this
country. The last great

artist died maybe a hundred.

yearsago. In any field."

eighth Hispai Very difficult to take
those people to Sicily and call them
O'Houlihan.
PLAYBOY: Did you receive $100,000 from
Paramount to talk to the press after
making The Godfather?
BRANDO: I can't remember. When I hear
something like that, I always remind
myself of the Congressman with his hand.
in the till.
PLAYBOY: Another lapse of memory asso-
dated with you is your inability or your
refusal to memorize lines. Do you have
a bad memory or is it that you feel re-
membering lines affects the spontaneity
of your performance?
BRANDO: If you know what you're going
10 say, if you watch people's faces when
they're talking, they don't know what
kind of expressions they're going to have.
You can scc people search for words, for
ideas, rcaching for a concept, a feeling,
whatever. Jf the words are there in the
actors mind. . . . Oh, you gol me!
[Laughing] You got me right in the bush.
I'm talking about acting, aren't I?
Actually, it saves you an awful lot of
time, because not learning lines . . . it's
wonderful to do that.
PLAYBOY: Wonderful not to learn lines?
BRANDO: Yeah, you save all that time not
learning the lines. You can't tell the

difference. And it improves the sponta-
because you really don't know.
You have an idea of it and you're saying
it and you can't remember what the hell
it is you want to say. I think it’s an aid.
Except, of course, Shakespeare. I can
quote you two hours of speeches of
Shakespeare. Some things you can ad.lib,
some things you have to commit to mem-
ory, like Shakespeare, Tennessee Wil-
liams—where the Janguage has value.
You can't ad-lib Tennessee Williams.
PLAYBOY: But how does it affect an actor
who is working with you if he's got
your lines written out on his forehead or
wherever?

BRANDO: It doesn't make any difference.
They're not going to see the signs.
[Names a book titie.] X just saw a title on
the bookshelf. You didn't see me look-
ing for it, you didn't know that I was
even doing that. I can do the same thing
if Y have. . . . Well, anyway, it’s more
spontaneous.

PLAYBOY: So it is true that you no longer
memorize lines when you act. But you
did during the early stages of your ca-
reer, when you were doing Williams and
Shakespeare.

BRANDO: That's quite a different thing,
because you cannot. . . . Well, you're
getting me. [Laughs]

PLAYBOY: But not nearly enough. You
can be very interesting when you talk
about your profession, but you have an
almost psychological reluctance to di-
vulge experiential information that
comes naturally to you. Why?

BRANDO: Some politicians will play full
ball; that means they'd do anything to
get their point across. Some people
draw the line at various places.

PLAYBOY: It's interesting that you so
easily interchange the words pol
and actor. You obviously won't play
full ball in an interview, but can't you
go at least a few innings? A lot of readers
will [eel cheated if you simply refuse to
discuss the roles you've played as well as
your personal background.

BRANDO: "That's an odd word to use.
PLAYBOY: Becausc we're playing, cir-
cling. When you said before, “You got
me!” we thought you were quoting a
line. It's like the minute you click on the
word acting, you stop talking about it.
BRANDO: Because 1 know that your an-
tenna’s up.

PLAYBOY: All right, let us ask you about
Superman, which is opening the same
month this interview appe:
BRANDO: I don't want to talk about it.
PLAYBOY. Is there anything at all you
can say about it?

BRANDO: I don't want to talk about Su-
perman. That's not relevant.

PLAYBOY: For a man who likes to talk, it's
a pity that you brake yourself.

BRANDO: I'm fascinated with everything.
Vil talk for seven hours about splinters.

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PLAYBOY

"What kind of splinters, how you get
them out, whats the best technique,
why you can get an infection. I'm in-
terested in any fucking thing

PLAYBOY: But will you talk for seven
hours about your career?

BRANDO: Of course not. Not two seconds
about it.

PLAYBOY: But you have, on occasion,
talked with reporters about acting.
BRANDO: I was in error. I made a lot of
errors and 1 don't want to repeat the
errors. If we repeat our errors, then it
makes this seem forlorn. There's noth-
ing sadder or more depressing than
to see yourself in a series of similar
errors.

PLAYBOY: Why do you insist on putting
down acting?

BRANDO: I don't put it down. But I re-
sent people putting it up.

PLAYBOY: Where would you put acting,
then?

BRANDO: It's a way of making a living.
A very good way.

PLAYBOY: Do you like acting?

BRANDO: Listen, where can you get paid
enough money to buy an island and sit
on your ass and talk to you the way I'm
doing? You can't do anything that's
going to pay you money to do that.
PLAYBOY: You do take acting seriously,
then?

you do, you don't cat, you don't have
the wherewithal to have liberties. I'm
sitting down here on this island, enjoy-
ing my family, and I'm here primarily
because I was able to make a living so
I could afford it. I hate the idea of go-
ing nine to five. That would scare m
PLAYBOY: Is that what bothered you
about acting in the theater?

BRANDO: It’s hard. You have to show up
every day. People who go to the th
will perceive the same thing a different
way. You have to be able to give some-
thing back in order to get something
from it. I can give you a perfect exam-
ple. A movie that I was in, called On the
Waterfront; there was a scene in а taxi-
cab, where 1 turn to my brother, who's
come to turn me over to the gangsters,
and I lament to him that he never
looked after me, he never gave me a
chance, that I could have been a con-
tender, I coulda been somebody, instead.
of a bum. . . . “You should of looked
out after me, Charley." It was very mov-
ing. And people often spoke about that,
“Oh, my God, what a wonderful scene,
Marlon, blah blah blah blah blah." It
wasn't wonderful at all. The situation
was wonderful. Everybody feels like he
could haye been a contender, he could
have been somebody, everybody feels as
though he's partly bum, some part of
him. He is not fulfilled and he could

have done better, he could have been
better etybody feels a sense of loss
about something. So that what
touched people. It wasn't the scene it-
self. There are other scenes where you'll
find actors being expert, but since the
audience can't clearly identify with them,
they Wonderful
scenes never get mentioned, only those
scenes that affect people.

PLAYBOY: Can you give an example?
BRANDO: Judy Garland singing Over the
Rainbow. “Somewhere
bow bluebirds fly, birds fly over the
"t 1?" Insipid.
But you have people just choking up
when they hear her singing it. Every.
body's got an over-the-rainbow story,
everybody wants to get out from under
and wants . . . [laughing] . .
blucbirds flying around. And that's why
it's so touching.

PLAYBOY: Had another person sung that
song, it might not have had the same
effect. Similarly, if someone else had
played that particular Waterfron! scene
with Rod Steiger—a scene considered by
some critics among the great moments in
the history of film—it could have passed
unnoticed.

Yeah, but there are some scenes,
15 that are actor-proof. If you
don't get in the way of a part, it plays by
itself, And there are other parts you

was

just pass unnoticed.

over the rain-

rainbow, why, oh, why

. wants

BRANDO: Yeah; if you aren't good at what

work like a Turk in to be effective
PLAYBOY: Did you know that Waterfront
scene was actorproof when you were
doing it

BRANDO: No, at the time, I didn't know
PLAYBOY: Was it а wellrehearsed scene
or did Kazan just put the two of you
there to act spontaneously?

BRANDO: We improvised а lot. Kazan is
the best actor's director you could. ever
want, be himself,

but a special kind of actor. He under-

sc he was an actor

directors do
Most

tors are expected to come with their

stands things that other
not He also inspired me. ac
parts in their pockets and their emotions
spring-loaded the director
"ОК. hit it,” they go into a time slip.
But Kazan brought a lot of things to the.
actor and he invited vou to argue with
him. He's one-of the few directors cre-
ative and understanding enough to know
where the actor's trying to go. He'd let
you play a scene almost any way you'd
want.

As it was written, you had this guy
pulling a gun on his brother. 1 said,
‘That's not believable; 1 don't believe
one brother would the other.
The script never prepared you for it, it
just wasn’t believable; it was incredible.
So I did it as if he couldn't believe it,
and that was incorporated into the

when

says,

shoot

scene,

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Jeep Corporation, a subsidiary of American Motors Corp-

PLAYBOY: Many actors cite your perform-
ance in Reflections in a Golden Eye as
an example of superb improvisational
acting. Did any of that have to do w
the direction of John Huston?
BRANDO: No. He leaves you alone.
PLAYBOY: What about Bernardo Berto-
lucci’s direction of Last Tango in Paris?

Did you feel it was a “violation,” as you
once said?

BRANDO: Did I say that once?
[Laughing] “As you once said
PLAYBOY: What you said was that no
actor should be asked to give that much.
BRANDO: Who told you that?

PLAYBOY: I read it

BRANDO: I don't know what that film's
about. So much of it was improvised
nted to do this, to do that. I'd
s other movie, The Conformist,
nd 1 thought he was a man of special
lent. And he thought of all kinds of
improvisations. He let me do anything.
He told me the general area of what he
wanted and I tried to produce the words
or the action.

PLAYBOY: Do you know what it’s about
now?

BRANDO: Yeah, 1 think it's all about Ber
nardo Bertolucci’s psychoanalysis. And
of his not being able to achieve. . . .
I don't know, Fm being facetious. I
think he
didn't know what it was about, cither,

Io whom?

he was confused about it;

He's very sensitive, but he's a little tak-
en with success. He likes being in the
front, on the cover. He enjoys that. He
loves interviews, loves making
audacious statements. He's one of the
few really talented people around.

PLAYBOY: Pauline Kacl made some pretty
audacious statements when she reviewed
Last Tango, saying it had altered the
Did such critical

giving

face of an art form.
reaction to the film surprise you?
BRANDO: An audience will not take some-
thing from a film or a book or from
poetry if it does not give something to
it. People talk about great writers, gre:
painters, great thinkers, great creators,
but fully understand what
a great writer is writing about unless
you have some corresponding depth,
breadth of assimilation. To some people,
Bob Dylan is a literary genius, as great
as Dylan Thomas And Pauline
Kael, unconsciously, gave much more to
the film than was there. You learn an
awful Jot about reviewers by their re-
views—a good reviewer, that is. From
bad reviewers, you can’t learn anything,
they're just dummies. But Pauline Kael
writes with passion, its an important
experience to her. No matter what they
like or dislike, talented reviewers reveal
themselves, like any artist.

PLAYBOY: moment there,
thought you said artist. Are there any

you cannot

was.

For a we

115

Why now,
more than ever
we can ask,

. sitlive or
is it Memorex:

PLAYBOY

Fernie bias.

Mem

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116

llornia 95052 USA

directors you'd like to work with, such
as Bergman, Fellini, Truffaut

BRANDO: No.

PLAYBOY: What happens when you im-
provise and the actor you're working
with wants to stick to the script?

BRANDO: If an actor can't improvise,
then perhaps the producer's wife cast
him in that part. You wouldn't be in
the film with such a person. Some actors
don't like it. Olivier doesn’t like to im-
provisc; everything is structured and his
roles are
architect
PLAYBOY: d either
you or Olivier as the greatest li
actor. Since Olivier's done the classics,
do you think that gives him the edge?
BRANDO: hats speculation. Specula-
tion's a waste of time. I don't care what
people think

PLAYBOY: Do you care, though, when
people say you don't always give 100
percent when you act?

BRANDO: Stella Adler, who was my teach-
er, a most remarkable woman, once told
me a story about her father, Jacob Р.
Adler, а great Yiddish actor who
brought the European tradition of thea-

all according to an almost
1 plan,

ities often lean to

ter to this country with him, He had
said that if you come to the theater and
you feel 100 percent inspiration, show
70. If you come to the theater another
night and you feel maybe 50 percent,
show 30. If you come to the theater feel
ing 30 percent, turn around and go
home. Always show less than you
PLAYBOY: Have you ever just walked
through a part?

BRANDO: Certainly. Yeah.

PLAYBOY: Often?

BRANDO: No.

PLAYBOY: What about 4 Countess from
Hong Kong, directed by Charles Chaplin?
BRANDO: No, I tried on that, but I w:
puppet, a marionette in that. I wasn't
there to be anything else, because Chap-
lin was a man of sizable talent and 1 was
not going to argue with him about
what's funny and not funny. 1 must say

we didn't start of very well. I went to

London for the reading of the script and
Chaplin read for us. I had jet lag and I
went right to sleep during his reading.

mes

That was terrible. [Laughs] Some
sleep is more important than anything
else. I w He shouldn't
have tried to direct it. He was a mean
man, Chaplin. Sadistic. 1 saw him tor-
ture his son.

PLAYBOY: In what way?

BRANDO: Humiliating him, insulting
him, making him feel ridiculous, inco
petent. He [Sydney Chaplin] played a
small part in the movie and the things
Chaplin would sav to him. . . . 1 said,
“Why do you take that?” His hands were
sweating. He said, “Well,
old and nervous, it’s all right.” "That's
no excuse. Chaplin reminded me of

miscast in tha

old man is

what Churchill said about the Germans,
either at your feet or at your throat
PLAYBOY: Was he that way with you?
BRANDO: He tried to do some shit with
me. I said, “Don’t you ever speak to me
in that tone of voice.” God, he really

made me mad. I was late one day, he
arted to make a big
told him he could take his film and stick

todo about it. 1

it up his ass, frame by frame. That was
after 1 realized it w:

s a complete fiasco.
He wasn't a man who could direct any-
body, He probably could when he was
young. With Chaplin's talent, you had
to give him the benefit of the doubt
But you always have to separate the man
from his talent. A remarkable talent but
monster of a man. J don't even like to
think about it
PLAYBOY: What about when you direct
yourself, as you did in One-Eyed Jacks?
That was a first and last experience for
you; did it cure your desire to direct?
BRANDO: ] didn't desire to direct that

picture. Stanley Kubrick quit just before
ме were supposed to shoot and 1 owed
$300,000 already on the picture, having
paid Karl Malden from the time he
started his contract and we weren't
through writing the picture. Stanley,
Calder Willingham and myself were at
my house plaving chess, throwing darts.
playing poker. We never got around to
getting it ready. Then, just before we
were to start, Stanley said, “Marlon, I
don't know what the picture's about.”
1 said, “TII tell you what it's about. It's
about $300,000 that I've a ly paid
Karl Malden." He said, "Well, if that's
what it's about, I'm in the wrong ріс
ture.” So that was the end of it. I ran
around, asked Sidney Lumet, Gadge
[Kazan] and, I don't know, four or five
people; nobody wanted to direct it.
[Laughs] There wasn't anything for me
to do except to direct it or go to the
poorhouse. So I did

PLAYBOY: Was it a new exp
you?

ence for

BRANDO: No, you direct yourself in most
films, апум
PLAYBOY: Didn't the studio take the film
away fom you, finally?

BRANDO: I kept fiddling around and
fiddling around with it, stalling, so
they went and cut the film, Movies are
made in the cutting room.

PLAYBOY: Looking back at your body of
work, are there any of your films that
you aren't at all happy with, that you
would like to €
BRANDO: No.
PLAYBO;

ase if vou could?

Would you change many of
them if you had a chance to recedit
them now?

BRANDO: No, I wouldn't want to do that.
Good God, onc of the most awful places
in the world to be is the cutting room.
You sit all day long in a

dark place
filled with cigarette smoke.

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of its classic di е ustom Coll. hirt. It adjusts at the neck

PLAYBOY

PLAYBOY: Do you always see thc final
results of what you do?

BRANDO: Sometimes you see it in the dub-
bing room. I've been in the screening
room sometimes. Some films I haven't
seen. You're bound to run into them on
television someplace. One film I liked a
lot—the only time I ever really enjoyed
myself—it was called Bedtime Story,
with David Niven, God, he made me
laugh so hard. We got the giggles like
two girls at a boarding school. He fi-
nally had to ask me to go to my trailer,
I couldn't stop laughing. [Laughing] We
both thought it was such a funny script,
a funny story.

PLAYBOY: Would you have liked to do
more comedy?

: No, I can't do comedy,

PLAYBOY: Are there any recent films that
have made you laugh?

BRANDO: I haven't gone to that many
movies. I liked High Anxiety Mel
Brooks makes me laugh. They |
Laurel and Hardy festival on tele
boy, I laughed at that. It went on all
night long; I was up half the night
laughing.

PLAYBOY: Was it anything special Laurel
and Hardy did that cracked you up?
BRANDO: I suppose Hardy's cxasperai
with Laurel and doing dead takes

the camera and shaking his head. Exas-
peratedly p:

ient. [Laughing] "That's ri-

x Brothers

about M

BRANDO: No. When I was young. they
were funny, but I look at them now and
it's embarrassing.

PLAYBOY: How about The Honeymoon-
ers?

BRANDO: Art Carney is a marvelous actor.
And Jackie Gleason is a really wonder-
ful entertainer. I love to watch The
Honeymooners. Sid Caesar and Carl
Reiner had some wonderful routines in
Your Show of Shows. God, they made me
laugh. They bent me out of shape. They
were all funny guys.

PLAYBOY: Do you evcr watch Saturday
Night Live?

BRANDO: Thats a funny program. Bar-
bara Wawa. [Laughs] What is that girl's
name?

PLAYBOY: Gilda Radner.

BRANDO: [Laughing] They were gi
a newscast and somebody gave an opin-
ion about something and she went
arrgghhhhh [sticks finger into mouth,
fakes throwing up]. They're sometimes
outrageous.

PLAYBOY: Have you ever seen John
Belushi do his imitation of you?

BRANDO: [ don’t know his name, but I
probably have scen him.

PLAYBOY: Let's get back to movies you've
seen. What are some of the more impor-
tant films made in the past decade?

ing.

120 BRANDO: What do you mean important?

PLAYBOY. In whatever sense you think
films might be important—significant,
meaningful, of social value.
BRANDO: I don't know that films are
important.

PLAYBOY: What about a film like The
Battle of Algiers?

BRANDO: It was a good film, but whether
it was important or not, I don't know.
PLAYBOY: What about foreign films?
BRANDO: "There's a Japanese film called
Ikiru that was very touching. Most of
the Japanese films—IWoman in the
Dunes, Gate of Hell, Ugetsu.

PLAYBOY Ugetsu'd if you're rich and
famous.

BRANDO: Jesus Christ! God! [Loughing]
I love those jokes! I don't know why I
always laugh at that dumb shtick.
[Laughing more] 1 have a heart attack
on that stuff. It’s so silly. You don’t find
many silly comics anymore. Comedians
who stand up there and do flatfoot gapes
like Willie Howard. Oh, God, he was so

—
“One film I liked a lot —
the only time I ever really
enjoyed mysel й was

called “Bedtime Story,

David Niven. God, he made

with

me laugh so hard. We got
the giggles like girls.”

funny. What a funny man, The faces he
made. I can't think of anybody who
made me laugh more.

PLAYBOY: Who was he?

BRANDO: Willie Howard was a Jewish
comedian in New York. I was a kid doi E
plays there and Га go see him between
the matinee and evening show. Good
God, did he ever make me laugh. Hc had.
this guy who worked with him who did
a double-talk routinc—the guy would
talk to him in double talk and he would
share the bewilderment of it with the.
audience and the frustration of trying
to get this guy to sav something simple.
[Laughs] Then his partner died and he
worked solo. He made funny faces, He
was ridiculous, The most ridiculous per-
son I ever saw in my life, I was hanging
on the orchestra pit, just roaring with
laughter, and nobody else got the jokes.
He was playing to me, just because
somebody appreciated him so much.
"There are very few people who arc truly
silly and have a sense of the ridiculous.
He was one such man. I never got to
meet the guy. It's always better if you
don't know them . . . comics are fa-
mously tragic people.

PLAYBOY: Have you ever scen Lily
Tomlin?

BRANDO: Yeah. Good God, is she angry.
Whew! She gives me the impression of
somebody incandescent with rage that
comes out in this crinkle-cyed smiling
face. Acid. She's funny, but all of her
humor comes from anguish, rage and
pain. Don Rickles, too. Most humor
does.

PLAYBOY: Even Bob Hope's?

BRANDO: Bob Hope will go to the open-
ing of a phone booth in a gas station
in Anaheim, provided they have a cam
era and three people there. Hell go to
the opening of a market and receive
an award. Get a d from Thom
McAn for wea shoes. It's pa-
thetic. It’s a bottomless pit. A barrel
that has no floor. He must be a man who
has an evercrumbling estimation of
himself. He's constantly filling himself
up. Нез like a junkie—an applause
junkie, like Sammy Davis Jr. Sammy des-
perately longs to be loved, approved of.
He's very talented. What happens to
those people when they can't get up and
do their shtick, God only knows. Bob
Hope, Christ, insicad of growing old
gracefully or doing something with his
money, be helpful, all he does is he has
an anniversary with the President Jook-
ing on. It’s sad. He gets on an airplane
every two minutes, always going somc-
place. It didn't bother him at all to work
the Vietnam war. Oh, he took that in
his stride. He did his World War Two
and Korean War act. "Our boys" and
all that. He's a pathetic gu
PLAYBOY: What about Woody Allen?
BRANDO: I don't know Woody Allen, but
I like him усту much. 1 saw A
Hall—enjoyed it enormous!
important man. Wally Cox was impor-
tant. Wally Cox was a lifelong friend of
mine. I don't know why I put them to-
gether. They're similar to me. Woody
Allen can't make any sense out of this
world and he really tells wonderful
jokes about it. Don't you think it was
remarkable that his time came to get his
door prize at the Academy Awards and
he stayed home and played his clarinetz
That was as witty and funny a thing as
you could do.

PLAYBOY: Wit certainly wasn't your in
tention when you had an Indian woman
turn down your Academy door prize
for The Godfather, or was it?

BRANDO: No. I think it was important
for an American Indian to address the
people who sit by and do nothing while
the Indians are expunged from thc
earth. It was the first ie in history
that an American Indian ever spoke to
60,000,000 people. It was a tremendous
opportunity and I certainly didn't want
to usurp that timc. It wasn't appropriate
that I should. It belonged much better
in the mouth of an Indian. I thought an

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PLAYBOY

Indian woman would generate less hos-
tility. But those people considered it an
interference with their sanctified ritual
of self-congratulations.

PLAYBOY: Do you feel all awards are
ridiculous?

BRANDO: Of course they are. They're ri-
ulous. The optometrists are going to
have awards for creating inventive, ar-
resting, admirable, manufactured eye-
glass frames—things that hook onto the
nose, ones that go way around under the
armpit for evening wear. Why shouldn't
they? We have newscasters’ awards,
Globe awards . . . they should have an
award for the fastest left-handed stand.
by painter who's painted the sets with
his left hand and who has dropped ap-
preciably less paint on the floor while
doing it. And then the carpenter's union
should have an award for somebody who
can take a three-pound hammer and nail
two-by-fours together.

PLAYBOY: When you were given the
ACP's Humanitarian Award in 1976,
you turned that down.

BRANDO: Yeah, I did, [ don't believe in
awards of any kind. 1 don't believe in
the Nobel Peace Prize.
PLAYBOY; You did, however, accept the
Academy Award in 1955,

BRANDO: I've done a lot of silly things in
my day. That was one of them. At the
time, I was confused about it and I made
a judgment in error. An error in judg-
ment.

PLAYBOY: Do you have a sense of guilt
that perhaps——

BRANDO: No, 1 don't. [Laughs] 1 know
some people do, but I've been fortunate
in escaping that, I don't know why.
PLAYBOY: Not once in your life did it
strike you

BRANDO: No, and I've been zed that
most people are struck down with that.
It hasn't fazed me!

PLAYBOY: Would you like to finish the
question yourself?

BRANDO: Do I have guilt about

[thinks, long pause, yawns] . . . no, I
cannot. OK, finish it.

PLAYBOY: Do you have any guilt
about—

BRANDO: No. I don't. [Laughing] 1 an-
swered that before; why do you keep
asking me?

PLAYBOY: Well, you've effectively an-
swered, so let's move on. "There's a cer-
tain quote having to do with women
that has been following you around for
some time now.

BRANDO: Thats a much better way of
saying "You once said.” You been re-
hearsing that?

PLAYBOY: It has to do with your saying,
“With women, I've got a long bamboo
pole with a leather loop on the end of
it. I slip the loop around their necks so
that they can't get away or come too
close. Like catching snakes.” Do you

122 know that quote?

BRANDO: I don't know that quote.
"That's: When did you stop beating your
wife? It’s odious. It's unfair. And it's un-
i е to refer to quotes, because
you know as well as I do, the press being
what it s going to write anything
that sounds sensational. To take that as
a frame of reference for a potentially
volatile question or one that has color in
it, it’s not proper.

PLAYBOY: Why not think of it as clearing
the record, especially if you didn’t say
it, or if you said it in sarcasm, in jest,
and it came out in seriousness?

BRANDO: Who in thc world cares? Who
would want to dignify that claptrap and
crap? We'd be all day doing that. It’s a
hopeless and useless task. I don't care
what people write or what they think.
Good Lord, 1 gave up caring about 20
years ago. Those are mostly conversa-
tional scavengers who sit around and
wait lor some slop to fall off the table.
И there isn't any, then they invent

——
“Тп all societies, they have
organizations that exclude
women; warrior societies
are famous the world over

for that. It comes [rom
fear of women. Men's egos
are frightened by women."

some. It's of no consequence at all. Just
like all questions about acting.

[Later, lying on the beach late at night,
Brando pointed at the sky.)
BRANDO: That star next to the moon is
always there. I remember I was in Mar-
rakesh on a Sparkling, crystalline desert
night and I saw the same . Га been
talking to this girl a long time—it was
four in the morning—and the muczin
came out in his m et and started
chanting. It was an enchanted moment.
It made me feel like I was in Baghdad
the 12th Century.
PLAYBOY: Was she a Moslem girl?
BRANDO: Airline hostess.
PLAYBOY: All right, let's stay with wom-
en but move away from your personal
affairs. Have you had any involvement
with the women's movement or with the
passage of the E.R.A.?
BRANDO: No.
PLAYBOY: Any feeling about it?
BRANDO: Yeah, it's something that has to
pass inevitably and I'm absolutely
astounded that the busincss community
has not seen the E.R.A. as an advantage
to it, because the intellectual force
women can bring to production stand-
ards would be very much to its inter-

ests. When you consider something like
75 percent of the doctors in Russia are
women and 30 percent of the judges in
Germany are women, we rank perhaps
second only to Switzerland with an anti-
quated view that women belong in the
itchen doing menial chores.

PLAYBOY: Why do you think certain
states won't ratify the amendment?
BRANDO: Why do people hate blacks?
Why do people disc te against
Indians? Why is AIM referred to as Ass-
holes Moccasins South Dakota
rather than the American Indian Move-
ment? People have unconscious [cars
and floating anxieties, maybe guilt, and
they will attach themselves like a rain-
drop to a speck of matter. People have
builtin prejudice, they've got hatred
piled up in a very neat place and they
don't want to have it scattered by logic.
PLAYBOY: What is it that men hate about
women?

BRANDO: І think, essentially, men fear
women. It comes from a sense of de-
pendence on women. Because men are
brought up by women, they're depend-
ent on them. In all societies, they have
orga ns that exclude women; war-
rior socicties are famous the world over
for that. [t comes from fear of women.
History full of references to women
and how bad they are, how dangerous.
There are deprecating references to
women all through the Bible. The mere
fact that a woman was made out of a
man's as a sort of afterthought.
Men's egos are frightened by women. We
all have made mistakes in that respect.
We've all been guilty, most men, of
viewing women through prejudice. I
always thought of myself not as a preju-
diced person, but I find, as I look over
it, that I was.

PLAYBOY: So you do feel guilty about
your feelings about women in your past?
BRANDO: Not at all. I don't feel
slightest bit of guilt. Guilt's a useless
emotion; it doesn't do anybody any
good. A healthy sense of conscience is
useful.

PLAYBOY: What about gay rights?

BRANDO: The lick of rights that apply
to children are the ones that appall me.
Thats head and shoulders above any
other rights group. Down here in Tahi-
ti, and in many places, children are
treated with respect, like small adults
without much of a frame of reference.
But for some reason, we feel superior to
children, and we also feel a sense of
owners! Mothers feel about their
children the way husbands feel about
women, It's my kid. Women who are in
the women’s movement, some of them
say they are not their husband's posscs-
sion, but then they'll unconsciously re-
fer to their child as a. possession. They
use the same kind of language about
their children as they would hate for
their husbands to use about them.

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124

PLAYBOY: A part of your life that’s not
widely known is your long involvement
with UNICEF. How long has it been?
BRANDO: About 20 years.

PLAYBOY: What kind of work do you do
for them?

BRANDO: We've put on shows in Paris,
London, Japan, the United States, trav-
eled around the world, done promos.
This has been the Year of the Child.
Mainly, my task has been trying to
communicate what UNICEF has done,
how much the world needs UNICEF, and
what a valuable investment children are,
and what an enormous deficit they can be
if they're not raised properly. Bring a
halfsick child into the world and it
costs you a great deal more, because the
child will never become independent,
the child will constantly be needing
attention. You can't bring him up edu-
cationally deprived, physically and mor-
ally deprived. By the Eighties, there will
be some 700,000,000 children without
enough to eat, with no jobs and no edu-
cation, It will hit Southeast Asia first.
The most rapidly increasing birth rate
is in Mexico. But Bangladesh now has a
runaway population growth.

PLAYBOY: Have you done any commer-
cials for them?

BRANDO: We do TV spots, film spots,
radio. Last year, I did six spots for
UNICEF.

PLAYBOY: How do you get people to give?

BRANDO: The best way to get people is
to hire the guys who work for the Unit-
ed Jewish Appeal. They know how to
get the dough. They're really terrific at
separating people from their money.
PLAYBOY: Weren't you once involved in
a film made in India that had some
connection with UNICEF?

BRANDO: I was in the state of Behar dur-
ing the emergency feeding program. I
was with Satyajit Ray, the Indian di
rector. We were walking along, seeing
the nadir of human experience. These
children kept coming around and, oh,
God, the horror. ... And he was just
walking along like he was walking
through fields of wheat, pushing the
children aside. It's a human obscenity.
He said to me, “You don’t pay atten-
tion to it, you ignore it or you'll go mad.
There's nothing you can do.” I wanted
to film it and show it to people in the
United States. I made an entire film,
about 45 minutes. It showed children in
the last stages of life, of starvation;
little crooked, whimpering things, cov-
ered with sores, scabrous from head to
foot, lining up to get their food that was
brought by UNICEF.

PLAYBOY: Did you ever show the film?
BRANDO: I showed it to a number of
people in my home, including Jack Va-
lenti [president of the Motion Picture
Association of America], who was a good
friend of President Johnson. It showed

children dying right on the camera. One
woman offering me a child who was
dying, died right on the camera. Chil
dren were staggering, falling down. 1
showed it to somebody at NBC. They
said that their news department would
cover that and I felt that they didn't
want any outside contribution.

PLAYBOY: Which brings us to the subject
of the news media and another one of
those "You once saids." This time, the
quote of yours is that the media are "op-
pressively resistant to feeding the truth
to the American people, simply because
it doesn't sell.” Do you still believe—
after the Pentagon papers and Water-
gate—that we ncver get the truth?
BRANDO: It’s all the news that's print to
fit. When I say fit, I mean the market.
Because there is a market for news, we
see that on television: fierce competi-
tion between one news program and
another that turns into Jolly Jack and
the Fijian dancers. They're entertain-
ment shows. They have teasers all the
way along, telling you to tune in at 11,
a massacre in Wisconsin. The editor
picked that out as a teaser. Or, if they
haven't got anything going, they'll put
a tank-car explosion in there. It's tai-
lored violence; they have what they call
the tasteful frontier of violence.
PLAYBOY: Do you think the media en-
courage violence or react to it?

BRANDO: It's 2 subtle question. Especially

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now with terrorism the way it is
Look, we've had more than 100 derail
ing incidents, and almost always it's a
tank car with flammable substances in
it, We had about five major grain-
elevator disasters in one year. That's put
down to coincidence. We're not told
they're acts of sabotage. I would assume
that the Government has gotten togeth-
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ten, don't broadcast alarming stories
about terrorists in the United States.”
But there are plans afoot to counteract
terrorism in the U. S.

PLAYBOY: On the subject of alarming
stories, do you think that the oil crisis we
suffered a few years ago was a conspiracy
rather than a crisis?
BRANDO: I don't know whether or not it
was a conspiracy, bur there are enough
industrial executives who have gone to
jail over the past 20 years for price fixing
that you wouldn't be going wide off the
mark if you said they were manipulating
us. For example, if the power compa-
nies would quit fighting solar energy
and quit leaning on the legislatures and
get behind it, it could happen. But the
oil and steel companies’ interests are
allied, manufacturers of cars, plastics—
which means oil companies—steel com-
panies, metal, rubber companies, don't
want to alter, to retool, it will cost them
too much. They say it’s going to hurt
them, wreck the economy, theyre not
making enough in profit. The way they
piss and moan about their profit ratings,
it makes you think over the years they'd
have gone out of business long ago. The
Godfather said that a man with a bricf-
case can steal more moncy than a man
with a pistol.

PLAYBOY; Do you think big business is out
of control?

BRANDO: Corporations have no sense of
social responsibilities. They tell lies from
morning till night, You see advertise-
ments of the petroleum outfits, everybody
wants to take care of the environment, so
they show you a doe taking a sip of water
in a marsh and in the background we see
an oil derrick, and Exxon wants us to
know that even the doe is being looked
after. They give you all this claptrap
that Madison Avenue cranks out. There’s
an art form: advertising. Making people
do what you want them to do, that’s what
Americans are good at. They can manip-
ulate anybody at any moment. And it
makes precious little difference whether
we're manipulated by the state, as in
Russia, or by big business, as we are
through advertising.

PLAYBOY: What about our being manipu-
lated by organized crime?

BRANDO: Sure, organized crime exists, no
question. Whether or not it has infiltrated
every aspect of our lives, [don’t know. It's
going to give the military-industrial com-
plex a run for its money. But it doesn't

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125

PLAYBOY

consider it organized crime. It thinks it's
just business. The other businesses —
Big Business—start wars in the name of
right, liberty and all that. The Mafia says.
“That's just a front; what they really
want and what they're after is the goods.
It's just money, and they're no different
than we are. We have the same objectives,
we take better care of our people than
they do." I think, quite possibly, that's
true.

PLAYEOY: Isn't there something other than
money that both kinds of businesses are
after? Such as power?

BRANDO: Moncy is power. Money trans-
lates into guns, in the name of defense,
of course. If you have enough money, you
can do anything. You can even get a Pres-
ident shot. All you have to do is hire Sam
Giancana, Sirhan Sirhan. You can get
anybody killed for a can of beer, Hire
some dumbo hit man, pay him $50,000.
You can hire a 17-year-old kid, he'll be
out in the streets in two or three years.
PLAYBOY: Lets talk about the assassina-
tions of the Kennedys and Martin Lu-
ther King, Jr. Do you think it’s possible
that it was a lone assassin in each case?
BRANDO: It's possible but by no means
probable. And certainly, if they had not
been killed, there were plans afoot to kill
them, For political reasons. No different
from Diem or Allende. If the CIA had
known that Castro was a Communist, it
would have assassinated him long before
the Bay of Pigs. It would have had uuups
fighting on the side of Batista.

PLAYBOY: Do you suspect the FBI and/or
the CIA as having anything to do with
the assassinations in the Sixtics?

BRANDO: They had to have been involved
in them. It's safe to assume that the FBI
or the GIA is capable of committing
murder. The assassination, for instance,
of Fred Hampton in Chicago was FBI-
coordinated. When the FBI started out,
there was never a force in the world
more efficient and better at what it did.
But gradually it became politicized, it
was reflective of Hoover's jingoistic con-
cepts of the world: life as it should be
in the United States according to Saint
Hoover. Hoover very cleverly had infor-
mation on everybody.

PLAYBOY: Getting back to the Kennedys,
did you ever meet John Kennedy?
BRANDO: Yeah, it was at a fund-raising
affair at the Beverly Hills Hotel while he
was President. He was table-hopping, as
he had to, and he said, "Hello, how are
you, nice to meet you"—he didn't say
that, but he had his shtick. I said to him,
"Aren't you bored to death?" He looked
at me and said, “No, I'm not bored." I
said, "You've got to be bored.” He
thought I was being hostile. Then he
realized that he was bored having to do
that, going around, people gawking at
him. Then a Secret Service man came to

125 the table and said, “Kennedy would like

to see you after dinner.” So we went to
his room there and the evening consisted
of everybody getting drunk, including
Kennedy. Then he told me that I was
overweight and I said that he was getting
fat and jolly and I could hardly recognize
him. We all stormed into the bathroom
and weighed ourselves. Afterward, he
said, "I know what you've been doing
with the Indians, I know what you've
been doing.” And that was that. A kind
of strange interlude.

PLAYBOY: What did you think of Robert
Kennedy?

BRANDO: 1 think Bobby Kennedy really,
finally, cared; he realized that all of the
rhetoric had to be put down into some
form of action. That's perhaps the reason
they killed him. They don't care what
you say, you can say as much as you want
to, provided you don't do anything. If
you start to do something and your shuf-
fling raises too much dust, they will dis-
establish you. That's what happened to
Martin Luther King. J. Edgar Hoover
hated black people, hated Martin Luther
King. If he stayed in the civil rights
area, fine, that's just what they wanted

“Carter has done something
no other President has done:
He has brought into the
sharpest contrast the
hypocrisy of the U. S. in
respect to human rights.”

him to do: Let the Civil Rights bill
pass So we can deal with the Africans and
get their raw materials. So Martin Luther
King was in service to what the Govern-
ment wanted, anyway. But when he got
on the issue of the Vietnam war, he was
talking to 28,000,000 people who were
pretty willing to go down the road he
told them to go down. That was too
heavy. He upped the ante and they
didn't want to go that high.

PLAYBOY: Is that also why Malcolm X
was killed, in your opinion?

BRANDO: He was a dynamic person, a very
special human being, who might have
caused a revolution. He had to be done
away with. The American Government
couldn't let him live. If the 23,000,000
blacks found a charismatic leader like he
was, they would follow him. The powers
that be could not accept that.

PLAYBOY: Did you ever meet him?
BRANDO: No, I'm sorry I didn't; he was a
great man. We won't see the likes of Mal-
colm X again in our lifetime. He was a
man of extraordinary talents, capacities,
abilities. If he had lived, America would

have been far better off. Our conscious-
ness, who we are, what we do, what we
intend . . . instead of believing the clap-
trap that we read about ourselves, and
listening to The Marines’ Hymn and all
the romantic jingoistic jargon that we're
shook to death with every day.

I'm often amused when I read Ameri-
can history and I read what great things
America was going to be, what great
things we were going to produce, the
magnificent life we were going to have.
We were determined to be an impressive
and strong nation that necded a lot of
people and a lot of land. And all those
people who came: “Give us your great
unwashed.” Well, we got all the great
unwashed there were. From every prison,
we certainly got a lot of scum and dum-
mies. We didn’t get the cream of the
сор. We got people from the lowest
echelons of society who couldn't make it
or weren't happy where they were. Or
who were taken from Africa, brought to
America in chains and turned into
animals.

PLAYBOY: How do you feel about Presi-
dent Carter's stand on human rights?
BRANDO: Carter has done something that
no other President has done: He has
brought into the sharpest contrast the
hypocrisy of the United States in respect.
to human rights, He's done a great favor
to the Indians, because you couldn't find
a President who'd given them the oppor-
tunity to point our the disparity between:
what Carter says and what actually hap-
pens. He's taken up the issue of human
rights like the Holy Grail—put the rhet-
eric in Mondale's mouth and sent him
off to do Sir Galahad's work. I don't
know whether it was oversight or politi-
cal stupidity, I can't imagine what it was
that made him think that he was going to
get away with it; that somehow the world
was not going to know that we don't have
any human rights for Indians, we don’t
want to reinstate them. The only time
T've ever heard him refer to Indians was
when someone asked him a question
about the infiltration of people from
Mexico into the U.S. and called them
immigrants, and he said, “Well, outside
of a few Indians, we're all immigrants.”
So I would take that to mean that he dis-
pensed with the Indians because they
were few in number and therefore entire-
ly irrelevant. But the fact is that there
are about 40,000,000 Indians in North
and South America. People tend to forget
that there are 1,000,000 Indians in Can-
ada. And Mexico is primarily an Indian
nation. They were possessors of great
civilizations, Of the five races in the
world, they're the only ones who are not
represented in the UN.

PLAYBOY: Have you ever tried to meet
with Carter, perhaps with a delegation of
Indian leaders?

BRANDO: My guess is it wouldn’t do any

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PLAYBOY

good. Carter would give you a mint julep
and a tap dance, but that’s all it’s going
to amount to.

PLAYBOY: Sounds like you won't be en-
dorsing Carter in 1980.

BRANDO: If Jerry Brown runs against him,
I'll vote for Jerry Brown. I think he's a
terrific fellow and would make a hell of a
President.

PLAYBOY: Are there other politicians you
trust?

BRANDO: Jim Abourezk [Senator from
South Dakota] has done something with-
out equal as far as I know. In his own
state, he's come out very strongly in sup-
port of AIM. He's taken some rather
strong clouts, been beaten about the
head and shoulders politically for sup-
porting the Indians. But what's right to
him is right.

PLAYBOY: Well, we've come this far with-
out really getting into the issue of the
Indians as much as you hoped for, so
let's begin with.
BRANDO: Let me ask you why you want
to talk about the Indians.

PLAYBOY: Well, as you know, it's a hell
of a lot more interesting than discussing
our views on sex or show business or——
BRANDO [Cracking up, strong laughter.
Finally]: It’s funny, 1 was laughing. see-
ing the words in the interview, and then
your line. [More laughter] That's funny.
I love those kinds of outrageous retorts.
PLAYBOY: Do Indians have the kind of
sense of humor you do?

BRANDO: People never think of Indians’
having a sense of humor, but they are
the most hilarious people I ever met.
They'll laugh at anything. They'll laugh
at themselves. They're sarcastic, sardon-
ic, they're funny on every single level.
They simply could not have survived
without their superb sense of humor.
PLAYBOY: How did you first become con-
scious of the Indians?

BRANDO: I read a book by D'Arcy Mc-
Nickle, a Flathead Indian who had a
degree in anthropology from the Lon-
don School of Anthropology or some-
thing, and another book by John Col-
lier, who was then head of the Bureau of
Indian Affairs. Then I went to see
D'Arcy McNickle in Tucson. I discussed
with him Indian affairs and history. He
recommended that I see a group called
the National Indian Youth Council. So
I attended many of its meetings and,
through that, I became absorbed in
American Indian affairs.

PLAYBOY: And through your absorption,
what is it that is most shocking to you?
BRANDO: What is shocking to me is that
we can consistently try to expunge an
entire people from this planet and not
have known to the world the silent
execution that has taken place over a
period of 200 years. And that this Gov-

128 ernment that we live under—which we

all say is wonderful and fall to our knees
and worship—has systematically de-
prived the Indian of life, liberty, the pur-
suit of happiness and, at the same time,
has screamed around the world, like a
whistling skank with rabies, that we be-
lieve in life, liberty and the pursuit of
happiness. How in the world can we do
that at the same time that we're stran-
gling the life out of the only native
culture that existed on this land? The
American Government has shot them,
murdered them, starved them, tried to
break their spirit, stolen from them, kid-
naped their children and reduced them
torubble. That is what shocks and angers
me.

1 am ashamed to be an American and
1o see fellow human beings who, if hu-
man rights mean anything at all, have
every right to the Iand they live on, and
more land than they have. There were
10,000,000 Indians, according to the
Encyclopaedia Britannica, at the time
of Columbus, There are now about
1,000,000. They owned all of the United
States; they have precious little to call
their own now. They were independent;

“I want to pull my hair out
when I read high school
textbooks that deal with the
destruction of a people
in two paragraphs.”

they have nothing now. Any time a
white man wanted a piece of land from
an Indian, he was able to get it. So they
took all the river valleys, they took all
the fertile land, they took almost all the
forests, they took everything and left
the Indian nothing. Nothing but mem-
ories, and bitter ones at that.

When the Government didn’t do it
militarily, it did it with documents and
promises. We lied, we chiseled, we swin-
dled; swindle, swindle, swindle, nothing
Jess than swindle. Swindled the Indian.
And we now will say we did not swindle.
We did swindle. We did kill. We did
maim. We did starve. We did torture.
We did the most heinous things that
could be done to a people. We will not
admit it, we do not recognize it, it is not
contained in our history books, and I
want to pull my hair out when I read
high school textbooks that deal with the
destruction of a people in two para-
graphs.

Our relationship with the American
Indian is unprecedented in history.
"There's no country in the world that has
made as many solemn documents, agree-
ments, treaties, statements of intention

as the United States has and broken
every one of them, and had every inten-
tion of breaking them when it made
them. No group of people has ever so
consistently and cruelly suppressed an-
other group of people as the Americans
have the Indians, There were some 400
treaties written—not one was kept.
That's a terrific record. Not one treaty!
It is outrageous, it's shocking and un-
fair and a lot more important than
whether or not I like to get up in the
morning, put my Equity card in my
pocket, go to the studio and put on my
make-up and do my tap dance, poing
through a day of let's pretend. There's
something obscene about that.
PLAYBOY: With all that has been done to
them, what is it the Indians now want
from the Government?
BRANDO: What the Indians want is very
plain: They want their own laws to ap-
ply in Indian land; they want ап in-
crease in the land basc that was stolen
from them; they want their treaties rec-
ognized. They want sovereignty, hunt-
ing and fishing rights, no taxation. They
want to pursue their lives as they see fit.
"They vant their economy reinstated.
"They vant nothing more and nothing
less than what the Jews have in Israel.
We have long, loud and often said
people have a right to self.determina-
tion, and we stand behind any country
in the world that so determines that it
is going to be an entity unto itself. We
went to Vietnam and killed millions of.
Vietnamese and thousands of Americans
to prove that what we've said was true;
we backed it up with force. But we are
not willing to offer reinstatement to the
American Indian, because there's no
future in it. We reinstated the Japanese
and the Germans because we wanted to
be a presence in Asia and Germany. And
a lot of Nazis got back into power so
that the organization could be created
to resist the Russians. But the American
Government just hopes that the Indian
will fade away into history and disap-
pear.
PLAYBOY: Do you really think the Ameri-
can Government would willingly carve
up American land and give it to the
Indians, establishing a separate country
within the United States?
BRANDO: Of course; why not? Drive
through the Southwest and you're im-
pressed with how little of the country
is used. We probably have the fewest
people per square mile in the United
States than almost anyplace in the world.
"There's ample room for the Indian to be
given back enough land to live on; future
populations could be accommodated in
that area. There are enough riches in
this country so that the Indian could be
properly re-established as a viable com-
munity. France gave all of its colonics
back; for the most part, so have the

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Dutch, the Belgians, the British. Some
of them gave up their colonies scream-
ing, kicking, scratching, fighting; some
did it because they read the hand-
writing on the wall. No Indian has the
hope that the Niña, the Santa Maria and
the Pinta are going to sail up the Hudson
one day and we're all gonna get on them
and go back to jails in England. But it's a
very reasonable and logical expectation
to assume that America is going to do
what every other colonial power has done.
PLAYBOY. What do you think was the
biggest mistake the Indians made?
BRANDO: If Indians had joined together
and made a concerted effort to keep the
white man from stealing their land and
decimating their people, they could have
wiped the people off the face of the
earth as soon as they hit Plymouth Rock.
But the Indians don't get along with one
another. They never thought of them-
selves as a unified people.

But I'm on the horns of a dilemma,
because I am not the spokesman for the
American Indian. They have orators,
poets, people who are giants, people who
аге able to talk better than most poets
we know who write. Wonderfully artic-
ulate people. But they're never asked
for an interview in PrAvmov, they're
never’asked to go on 60 Minutes. When
there's an occasion, newsmen always stick
the microphone in my face. 1 don't know
how many times I've said, "Listen, there
are perfectly eloquent gentlemen standing
to my left and to my right, please ask
them, they are Indians, I am not; they
know far better than I do why they're
here; don't ask me why I'm here.” But
their editors say, “Go out and get a re-
cording of the fire coming out of Marlon's
nose.” It's so distasteful to me that no-
body gives a shit, I've called up 1 don't
know how many magazines, spoken to
writers of international renown, to Sen-
ators who head the investigating com-
mittees—everybody's out to lunch.
PLAYBOY: Would you say that Indians
have been more discriminated against
than blacks were before the Civil Rights
Act?

BRANDO: It's not an ouch contest.
PLAYBOY: What about missionaries? Have
they done any good for the Indians?
BRANDO: The Church has a tremendous
debt that it owes to the Indian. The
Church was borrowed by the Government
as a force to so-call civilize the Indian. It
was simply designed to disenfranchise
the Indian, which it did. The Church was
in control; they sat in a room and they
divided Indian reservations up like pies:
Catholics here, Protestants here, you take
this, we'll take that, go get ‘em, boys.
And they went in there in force and
threw the Bible around with a will.
PLAYBOY: Had you been born an Indian,
do you think, knowing what you know,
that you'd be militant?

BRANDO: That's like saying if your aunt

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had balls she'd be your uncle. I don't
know what it's like to be an Indian. I
can only imagine. And what 1 imagine is
it's pretty horrible to be an Indian who
cares about being an Indian, cares about
maintaining himself as an Indian, cares
about trying to establish an image of
himself in front of his children. I sup-
pose it would make me pretty goddamn
mad.

PLAYBOY: Let's talk about some of your
personal involvements. In 1964, you
were arrested at a fish-in for Indian river
rights in Washington, weren't you?
BRANDO: It was a priest from San Fran-
cisco, myself and an Indian from the
Puyallup геѕсгуагіса. They wanted to test.
whether or not we would be willing to be
arrested. We were arrested, but they
didn't book us. We went to the jail and
then they just dismissed us. They got a
call from the governor's office or some-
thing. Soon after that first fish-in, we
went to northern Washington and fished
there, but it was the wrong place. We
just froze to death. I almost got pneu-
monia. I was dying. Oh, God, I was sick.
That was my last fishin.

PLAYBOY: Then, in 1975, you joined a
group of Menominee Indians who had
taken over a monk's abbey in Gresham,
Wisconsin, in their attempt to get back
the deed for land that had once been
theirs. Didn't that turn into violence?
BRANDO: They were shooting bullets twice
a day. in the afternoon and at night. Dog
soldiers came and they were fighting it
out for over a month. One guy was shot,
a white guy. I was in there for about a
week, with Father Groppi and some other
priests. It was unbelievable, people going
out with guns and ammunition, lying in
the snow and firing at 2:30 in the morn-
ing; everybody sleeping, huddled, trying
to get warm, bullets flying around. I was
up on the roof one time and bullets
started sizzling by me, whheew, whheww—
sounds very funny. The bullets come by
before you hear the gun.

PLAYBOY: Were you scared?

BRANDO: No. The Indians were deter-
mined that they should get that deed to
the land. It was previously Indian land
that had just been grabbed. The Church
wasn't using it, it was just sitting around
in a Catholic bank book. There were
contingent plans to go in with percus-
sion bombs and gas. That would have
killed a lot of people, because the Indians
wouldn't have surrendered; the expres-
sion they had on their arm bands was
DEED OR DEATH. They finally got the deed.
And then those goddamn Alexian Broth-
ers, the group of priests who owned the
property, took it back after everything
died down. Those lying bastards! I was
right there in the room when they were
negotiating. They gave their word that
the [abbey] should go to the Indians for a

132 hospital and that the land should be re-

turned to the Menominee reservation.
They subsequently, arbitrarily, took it
back, broke their word. After the Indians
were arrested, they said, “We didn't mean
that." There was no noise about it then.
And some Indians are still sitting in j
Banks is the In
t who was recently granted politi-
cal asylum in California by Governor
Brown. Banks had fled South Dakota,
where he faced sentencing on riot and
assault convictions, and he was involved
in a shooting with the Oregon highway
patrol some time ago. His trailer was shot.
up and when the police traced the owner-
ship, it was found that it belonged to
you. Could you have been charged with
aiding and abetting а fugitive?

BRANDO: I am not now nor have I ever
been 2 Communist. [Laughs] Let me
put it this way: 1 would certainly aid and
abet any Indian if he came to me at this
time. I had Dennis down here in Tahiti.
I invited him to come down, becuse
they were after him.

PLAYBOY: How long did he stay?

BRANDO: About two months.

PLAYBOY: Did the Government know

“John Wayne would have
shot down Gandhi, called
him a rabble rouser. The
Indians today he'd call
agitators, terrorists."

Banks was here?

BRANDO: Yeah. Dennis Banks is a remark-
able man, he's a man who's got finely
honed instincts; lives by his wits, which
are considerable. He's the kind of man
young Indians can look to to be inspired
by. Russell [Means] is the same.

PLAYBOY: Why didn't the FBI go after
you?

BRANDO: The Justice Department didn't
see a practical way of indicting me, be-
cause it would have inflamed the issues
and gotten a lot of coverage. For Russell
Means to be thrown in jail is one thing,
but for me to be put under indictment
for aiding and abetting an American
Indian who was forced to go under-
ground due to political pressure—the
entire thing was fraught with a very
special kind of concern that it did not
get too large.

Had the people in Wounded Knee
been black or white, they would have had
them dead within 20 minutes. You would
have seen something that would have
made the S.L.A. shootout Jook like a
strawberry festival. But they couldn't do
it. The only reason they didn't do it was
not for any humanitarian reason but be-

cause the silhouette of the American In-
dian around the world is so famous,
thanks to Hollywood.

PLAYBOY: When did you come to feel that,
second only to the Government, Holly-
wood has done more harm to the Ameri-
can Indian than any other institution?
BRANDO: I can't give you a date when the
light bulb went off in my head. I became
increasingly aware just recently of the
power of film to influence people. I al-
ways enjoyed watching John Wayne, but
never occurred to me until I spoke
with Indians how corrosive and damag-
ing and destructive his movies were—
most Hollywood movies were.

PLAYBOY: Have you ever discussed this
with Wayne?

BRANDO: 1 saw John Wayne only once. He
was at a restaurant. He came over, very
pleasant, wished us all a good evening
and a happy meal and walked away. First
and last time I saw him.

PLAYBOY: In 1971, in his Playboy Inter-
view, John Wayne said that he didn't
feel we did wrong in taking America
away from the Indians. He thought the
Indians were “selfishly trying to keep
it for themselves" and that what had hap-
pened in the past was so far back that
he didn't feel we owed them anything.
Care to comment?

BRANDO- That doesn't need a reply, it's
selfevident. You can't even get mad at it;
it’s so insane that there's just nothing to
say about it. He would be, according to
his point of view, someone not disposed
to returning any of the colonial posses-
sions in Africa or Asia to their rightful
owners. He would be sharing a perspec-
tive with Vorster if he were in South
Africa. He would be on the side of Ian
Smith. He would have shot down Gandhi,
called a rabble rouser. The only free-
dom fighters he would recognize would
be those who were fighting Communists;
if they were fighting to get out from un-
der colonial rule, he'd them terror-
ists. The Indians today he'd call agitators,
terrorists, who knows? If John Wayne
ran for President, he would get a great
following.

PLAYBOY: Do you think his views are
prevalent in Hollywood?

BRANDO: Oh, sure, I think he's been
enormously instrumental in perpetuat-
ing this view of the Indian as a savage,
ferocious, destructive force. He's made
us believe things about the Indian that
were never true and perpetuated the
myth about how wonderful the frontiers-
men were and how decent and honorable
we all were.

PLAYBOY: Besides Wayne, you've been
outspoken about the insensitivity of
many of the Jewish heads of studios,
who were in power during the heyday
of the cowboy-and-Indian pictures. What
made you so angry?

BRANDO: I was mad at the Jews in the

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PLAYBOY

134

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business because they largely founded
the industry. The non-Jewish executives
you take for granted are going to ex-
ploit any race for a buck. But you'd
think that the Jews would be so sensi-
tized to that that they wouldn't have
done it or allowed it. You've always seen
the wily Filipino, the treacherous Chi-
nese, the devilish Jap, the destructive,
fierce, savage, blood-lusting, killing buck,
and the squaw who loves the American
marshal or soldier. You've seen every
single race besmirched, but you never
saw an image of the kike. Because the
Jews were ever watchful for that—and
rightly so. They never allowed it to be
shown onscreen. The Jews have done so
much for the world that, I suppose, you
get extra disappointed because they
didn't pay attention to that.

PLAYBOY: Has there been any Jewish re-
action to what you've said about the
Jews in the movie industry?

BRANDO: No. You have to be very careful
about that issue, because the blacks are
concerned about the blacks, the Indians
are concerned about the Indians, the
Jews are concerned about the Jews. In
the United States, people are trying to
look out for their own. The Puerto
Ricans are not going to take up the In-
dian cause. The Indian cause is not
going to be concerned about the injus-
tice to the Japanese. Everybody looks to
whatever's close at hand.

PLAYBOY: You once mentioned two
films—Broken Arrow, with Jef Chan-
dle, and John Ford's Cheyenne Au-
tumn—as not having treated Indians
negatively. Are there any others you can
add?

BRANDO: Not Cheyenne Autumn. That
was worse than any other film, because
it didn't tell the truth. Superduper pa-
triots like John Ford could never say

that the American Government was at,

fault. He made the evil cavalry captain
a foreigner. John Ford had him speak
with a thick accent, you didn't know
what he was, but you knew he didn’t
represent Mom's apple pie.

PLAYBOY: Do you approve of any of the
films Hollywood has made about the
Indians?

BRANDO: I can't think of any offhand.
PLAYBOY: What about one called Soldier
Blue?

BRANDO: Oh, yeah, with Candice Bergen.
That film left a lot to be desired; it
dealt more with blood and guts than
with the philosophy, which is important.
It was certainly horrifying—the attack
at Sand Creek, when they slaughtered
the Indians. In many ways, that was
representative of what happened. There
were also parts of Little Big Man that I
thought were useful. It had a lot of good,
fair things in it.

PLAYBOY: I imagine you expect to have a
lot of good, fair things in The First

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PLAYBOY

American, the TV project you've agreed
to do for ABC. It's your first venture
into television; can you talk about it?
BRANDO: We've been given a chunk of
money to do as many programs as we
can оп that. Hopefully, мете going
10 get four programs out of it. If they
like them, they will do more. We're
certainly going to work as hard as we can
to make them interesting, provocative
and truthful. These issucs arc going to
be clearly drawn, so that people can't
duck them anymore. The Indian view
will be heard, and it will be heard
round the world. ГЇЇ take it to every
country, I'll get arrested, I'll give them a
show, I'll entertain them. People will say,
"Where's Marlon been arrested this
time?" I'm totally committing myself to
getting this issue across.

PLAYBOY: How long will each show E
BRANDO: An hour and a half. Hopefully,
there's gonna be 13 or 14 made, We
shouldn't have to go around, hat in
hand, scratching and tapping on doors,
climbing transoms, to get money to do a
historical survey of the American Indian
and how we reduced him to rubble.
Jesus Christ!

PLAYBOY: Will you act in every show?
BRANDO: 1 will be in a number of them.
So far, I see myself in one of the four,
and I'll probably be in another.

PLAYBOY: Is it your intention to play
figures like Kit Carson and Custer?
BRANDO: I'm too ald to play Kit Carson
and Custer. Kit Carson was a relatively
young man. most of those guys were.
You can cheat 20 years . . . but there are
a lot of people 1 could play.

PLAYBOY: Well, if they could turn Dustin
Hoffman into a 120-year-old Indian in
Litile Big Man——

BRANDO: Oh, I’ve played a 70-year-old
man—you can go older, but it's very
hard to go younger. Loretta Young fin-
ished her days in a blaze of ectoplasm,
along with the number of silk screens
that they had to put on the lights to
soften them so her wrinkles wouldn't
interfere with the fun.

PLAYBOY: Will The First American be
commercialized, as Holocaust was, or
will you have some control over the
way it’s presented?

BRANDO: Holocaust was as obscene as any-
thing I've seen on television. I was in-
furiated by that. It made me gag. 1 was
embarrassed for the people who did it;
it was horrifying! Elie Wiesel, who was
a man who survived Auschwitz, came out
and broadsided the program. It should
be treated sanctimoniously as an event
in history, it should not be sandwiched
between some dogfood ads. How can
you go fom a concenuation-camp scene
to a smiling woman selling dog food?
God! It was appalling. Finally, it's bet-
ter that they put that on than nothing.

136 PLAYBOY: Aren't you also going to play

the part of American Nazi leader George
Lincoln Rockwell in the upcoming sec-
ond half of Roots? What made you want
to portray hi
BRANDO: Everybody ought not to turn his
back on the phenomenon of hatred in
whatever form it takes. We have to find
out what the anatomy of hatred is be-
fore we can understand it. We have to
make some attempt to put it into some
understandable form. Any kind of group
hatred is extremely dangerous and much
more volatile than individual hatred.
Heinous crimes are committed by groups
and it's all done, of course, in the name
of right, justice. It’s John Wayne. It's
the way he thinks. All the crimes com-
mitted against Indians are not consid-
ered crimes by John Wayne.

PLAYBOY: Will you play Rockwell as an
evil character?

BRANDO: I don't see anybody as evil.
When you start seeing people as evil,
you're in trouble. The thing that’s going
to save us is understanding. The inspec-
tion of the mind of Eichmann or Himm-
ler... . Just to dispense with them as
evil is not enough, because it doesn’t

“There isa point where you
can understand so much
and then you've got to take
a gun out and say, ‘I’m not
gonna let you do this to
me anymore; if you do
that, I'm gonna kill you. "

bring you understanding. You have to
sec them for what they are. You have to
examine John Wayne. He's not a bad
person. Who among us is going to say
he's a bad man? He feels justified for
what he does. The damage that he does
he doesn't consider damage, he thinks
it's an honest presentation of the facts,
PLAYBOY: So your motivation is to under-
stand prejudice, shed light on the darker
parts of souls such as Rockwell
BRANDO: Understanding prejudice is
much more helpful than just condemn-
ing it out of hand. There is a point,
however, where you can understand so
much and then you've got to take a gun
out and say, "I'm not gonna let you do
this to me anymore; if you do that, 'm
gonna kill you." If somebody came to
my house, I'd do damage. I'd kill some-
body. I wouldn't hesitate.

PLAYBOY: You say that, but the act of
doing it is something else.

BRANDO: I've pointed guns at people.
Loaded guns.

PLAYBOY: Did you have your finger on
the trigger?

BRANDO: Damn right I did. I've told
people to get down, lie on the floor,
frisked them, got their identification.
PLAYBOY: Burglars?

BRANDO: You betchya.

MAYBOY: Did any intruder ever not lie
down immediately?

BRANDO: No. Three or four times, I've
pulled a gun on somebody. I
problem after Charles Manson, deci
to get a gun. But I didn't want some-
body coming in my house and commit-
ting mayhem. The Hillside Strangler
victims—one of the girls was found in
back of my Los Angeles house. My next-
door neighbor was murdered, strangled
in the bathroom. Mulholland Drive is
full of crazy people. We have nuts com-
ing up and down all the time.

PLAYBOY: Do you get a lot of hate mail?
BRANDO: Not a lot. I've gotten some
threatening letters.

PLAYBOY: Do you give them to tlie FBI or
are you under surveillance by them for
other reasons?

BRANDO: Jack Anderson got some stuff
from the Secret Service that had me on
the list of those who had to be put
under surveillance every time the Presi-
dent came to town. Back in the Sixties,
there a truck from the electric com-
pany parked in front of my house,
around 11 at night. I said to them,
UW going on?
lines" I happen to know something
about electricity, so I asked some ques-
tions and the guy in charge didn't know
and gave me dumb answers. I've had the
FBI visit me on five occasions, asking
me a lot of questions,

PLAYBOY: Which probably gave you some
good material for that movie you've
wanted to do about Wounded Knee.
What's happened to that project?
BRANDO: I have a very specific notion to
make a film out of Wounded Knee to
show the FBI and the Justice Depart-
ment how what happens to Indians hap-
pens and the way the minds of the
politicians work in respect to the In-
dian. I think it would make a very good.
movie. It would start with the trial of
Banks and Means and keep flashing
back to how it happened.

PLAYBOY: Didn't Abby Mann, who wrote
Judgment at Nuremberg, do a script
for you?

BRANDO: He did three scripts.

PLAYBOY: Were any of them close to
what you wanted?

BRANDO: Hardly. Really bad scripts.
PLAYBOY: Did you have anyone in mind
to direct it?

BRANDO: 1 пісі to get a guy 1 did a
movic with before, Gillo Pontecorvo. He
did The Battle of Algiers. 1 thought
he'd be perfect for this movie. I was in
another movie with him, almost fucking

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PLAYBOY

138

killed him, and he almost killed me.
Good God, what a battle that was.
PLAYBOY: That was Queimada, or Burn!
BRANDO: Yeah, Queimada, which I
thought was a wonderful movie. Jesus,
they couldn't flush it away fast enough.
J couldn't believe it, about an interest-
ing time well told.

PLAYBOY: Why was it flushed away so fast?
BRANDO: I don’t know. They let it die,
it never appeared anyplace, as though it
got the plague or something. Very mys-
terious. Anyway, Gillo met with the
Indians and they scared him to death.
Bunch of guys met him at the airport,
with about half a bag on, scared the shit
out of him. He came back, didn't know
what was going on. I told him, he won't
understand for a long time what the
Indians are—theyre very strange folks.
And he was going along with it. And
then he wanted Franco Solinas, a full-
fledged Marxist, to write the script. And.
it was then the Indians backed off and
said, “Nothing doing, we're not going to
have a goddamn Communist writing our
story.” So that was the end of that.
PlAYBOY: What really happened when
you worked with Pontecorvo? Was it just
a conflict between director and actor?
BRANDO: No, the guy was a complete
sadist. He did an awful thing: He paid
the black extras a different salary than
he paid the whites on location in Co-
lombia. Then he gave the blacks differ-
ent food because he thonght they'd
like it.

PLAYBOY: So what did you do?

BRANDO: I started out saying, “Jesus
Christ, Gillo, you can't pay the blacks
different money, you've got to give them.
the same food, what the fuck, black jour-
nalists are coming down here, you think
theyre gonna hang around here ten
minutes without talking to the blacks
and finding out what the fuck’s going
on?" I said, "I'm not gonna take the fall
for that, goddamn it; you can't do that,
that's what this picture's about.” I went
raving on.

PLAYBOY: Did you finally have it out with
him?

BRANDO: One day, he had me do so many
takes on one scene, І just blew fucking
up. Screamed at the top of my lungs,
"You are eating me like ants!" [Laughs
at the memory] He jumped off the floor
about four feet. I could have broken
glasses if there'd been any around. 1
didn’t know I was going to do it, it just
happened.

‘There were so many horror stories
with that film. 1 came to the set one day,
on location on this mountain road, and.
the wardrobe woman was sitting near
the camera and she had a kid. I said,
“What's the matter with the kid?” She
said he was sick. I said, “What's the mat-
ter?” “Well, he vomited a worm at
lunch.” I said, “He vomited a worm?"

She said, “Yeah, he's got a fever.” I said,
"Where's the doctor?" She said, "We're
Boing to take him to the doctor after
the next shot.” J said, “Take him now!”
She said, “Gillo wants to finish the scene
first, then that will kill the location.” So
I called out and had the chauffeur come
up and I said, “Take the kid to the fuck-
ing hospital right now." I really got
steamed. If Gillo had been taller, I
would have fucking fought with him, I
really would have punched the guy out.
І just looked at him. He said something
and I got in the car and went home.
PLAYBOY: After all that happened, how
was Pontecorvo to work with?

BRANDO: He started carrying a gun. Fi-
nally sent word to me that he was going
to use it if I didn't do what he said. He
laughed, but he actually had a gun on
his belt. He was very superstitious, hys-
terically superstitious. He had two pock-
etsful of lucky charms. On Thursdays,
you could not ask him any questions.
He could not stand purple. If there was
anything purple on the set, he would
get rid of it—including wine at Junch.
And I found out that the prop man has

“As I got on the plane,

I said, ‘Are you sure this
isthe flight to Havana"
The hostess said,
‘You get off this flight or
I'm going to have the FBI
man here.”

to play the first part in every picture.
And that the prop man has to wear cer-
tain tennis shoes in all his pictures. And
that he has to print a certain take

I went after his superstitions. ] walked
under ladders, I had him fainting, stag-
gering, just hanging on the ropes. I
would spill salt all over the place, throw
it around, on the ground. I'd open a
door, take a mirror and say, “Hey,
Gillo!” Then I'd take a hammer and go,
“Whoom, whoom" [laughs]. He was try-
ing to bullshit with me, he treated me
like one would treat Burt Reynolds—t
don't know why I've got it in for that
poor apple.

But, as І said, you have to separate
people from their talent, And, even at
the time, I did not want to blow the
picture, because it was an important pic-
ture. I really felt that it could have been
a wonderful movie. But I had to give the
very strong impression that I didn’t give
a fuck and I was willing to blow it all.
PLAYBOY: Wasn't it during the making of
that picture that you were thrown off a

plane because they thought you were a
hijacker?

BRANDO: Yeah. One time I was coming
back from a three-day vacation, dragging
my poor ass to the plane in Los Angeles.
It was National Airlines, the only con-
necting flight to Colombia for three days.
As I got on the plane, I said, "Are you
sure this is the flight to Havana?" The
hostess was tired. She didn't say any-
thing, she just went to the pilot and said,
“We've got a wisenheimer on board who
wants to know if this is the flight to
Havana." And the pilot said, “Get him
off the flight.” [Laughs] I couldn't be-
lieve my ears. I said, "I'm awfully sorry.
She said, “You get off this flight or I'm
going to have the FBY man here in a
minute.” I had a beard, so she didn’t
know who the fuck I was. I got off and
ran past the counter and the guy said,
“Mr. Brando, wait, what happened? Mr.
Brando?” I was running like a son of a
bitch, because I knew that he was go-
ing to tell the hostess, who would tell
the captain, who would call the tower;
the tower would call the desk and they
were going to stop me and say, “Oh, it's
all a big error.” I was streaking down
that thing like Jesse Owens in the old
days. Then, of course, it appeared in the
papers and all that shit. But J got three
extra days out of it that I never would
have gotten. Oh, I was never so glad.
That was just wonderful.

PLAYBOY: Was Burn! the most frustrating
of all your films?

BRANDO: I never had any trouble like
that. Never.

PLAYBOY: What about Mutiny on the
Bounty?

BRANDO: Oh, no, that’s just all horseshit.
Carol Reed wasn't doing the picture
that they wanted and he was taking too
much time, They also didn't have a
script. And Reed quit. The stockholders
meeting was coming up and the next
thing I know, it appeared in the paper,
some magazine article blaming me for
the whole fucking thing. They did that
to Elizabeth Taylor on Cleopatra,
PLAYBOY: Was that the magazine you
sued for $4,000,000?

BRANDO: The Saturday Evening Post. 1
just couldn't believe that they would do
that. They dumped it all on me—its
costs, its delays—and then the publicity
mills just kept grinding it out. They
were making up all these stories and
they paid some fella to do a job on me
in The Saturday Evening Post. So 1
hired a publicist for the first and only
time in my life and said to him, “Listen,
I'm not going to hold still for this; find
out what's going on.” He was Sam Spie-
gels publicrelations man, Bill Some-
thing, who later got hit by a taxi—
serves him right.

PLAYBOY: Died?

BRANDO: Yeah. As it turned out, MGM

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PLAYBOY

was paying him off. They were paying
him a salary and he was telling the head
of the studio everything I told him. He
wasn't representing me at all.

PLAYBOY: Did you cver follow through
with your suit?

BRANDO: Yeah. I can't remember what
happened; I think the Post settled, gave
me some money.

PLAYBOY: Was that the only time you've
ever sued a magazine?

BRANDO: Yeah; I wouldn't do it again.
It's not worth the effort. Magazines want
you to sue them. They'll write anything
that’s scurrilous, that sells a few ham-
burgers. What they get out of publicity
is far in excess of what they pay in law-
yers’ fees. So Evel Knievel got a baseball
bat and broke that guy's arms. I don’t
think that’s such a bad idea.

PLAYBOY: Especially since you've broken
at least one photographer's jaw yourself,
when you punched Ron Galella in the
mouth when he was taking pictures
while you were going to dinner with
Dick Cavett in Chinatown. Was that
the only time you've lost your temper
like that?

BRANDO: Oh, I've punched photogra-
phers out. Any time it has to do with
the kids, I just go berserk. I can't stand
any kind of invasion of privacy like that.
I can't go to Italy anymore, because I'll
be in jail. Last time 1 was there, a bunch
of paparazzi were out there, І was saying
good night to some guests. I had my son
in my arms and I was outside and they
started taking pictures. I put the kid
down and ran after this guy. [Laughs] I
took a terrific fucking swing at this guy.
I couldn't see, they had lights on me,
hell, 1 missed him and fell on my ass.
‘Then J ran in and got a bottle of cham-
pagne and came running out the front
door looking for anybody 1 could get
hold of, One guy jumped on the hood
of a car and then on the sidewalk. I
followed him, chased him two fucking
blocks. He was more scared than I was
mad. I reached out to catch him and he
jumped onto this streetcar and wok off.
1 went back, two o'clock in the morning,
and there's this tough guy banging on
the door. My kids are in there, my wife.
So І got a knife and I was just going to
уе it out with him. Tarita was wres-
ng and fighting me for the knife.
"Then I got myself together and realized,
What the fuck am I doing? Go out and
stab somebody in Italy and it's good-
bye, Rachel.

So 1 called the American Embassy
and said, "Let me speak to the Ambas-
sador." They said he was asleep. 1 said,
“I don't care what the fuck he's doing, Т
didn't ask you that, I told you to get
him on the phone!" I was just pissing
mad. Poor guy was intimidated. He got
the Ambassador out of bed. “Mr. Am-

140 bassador,” I said, “I'm being intimidated

here and I'm not going to stand for
much more of this. You're going to have
to make some arrangements.” 1 went
on and on.

The next morning, two carabinieri
are out in front of my house in their
fucking uniforms. And a photographer
was out there, too. I had to go to work
and the guy pointed his camera at me
and the carabiniere put his hand right
over the lens. He had no business doing
that at all, it’s completely against the
law. But he did that, pushed the guy
into a car, took him down to headquar-
ters, said, “What have you got here,
dope in this camera? Heroin? What is
this stuff?" Opened the camera. “Oh,
film. Sorry.” They never bothered me
after that.

PLAYBOY: What about Galella?

BRANDO: With Ron Galella, I really had
to sit down and talk about that. J broke
the guy's jaw. Sure, he was annoying
me, but then, if it's so annoying to me,
I should be in the lumber business. But
the guy wanted to get hit. He was look-
ing for some kind of incident like that.
This guy was following me all day long.

“T broke photographer Ron
Galella's jaw. Sure, he was
annoying me, but then, if

it’s so annoying to me, T
Should be in the lumber
business.”

"Taking pictures while I was on [Cavett's]
show. And afterward, Dick and I went
to Chinatown to get something to eat
and the fucking guy comes around to
take pictures. Finally, I started to get
exasperated. I went over to the guy and
said, “Would you please just take a few
more pictures? You've had enough for
today; give us a break." He was drawing
crowds around us. So he said, “Well, if
you'll give me some decent poses, take
off your glasses, maybe I'll think about
it?" I didn't think. Just the attitude was
overbearing. And that was it. He sued
me. Cost me $40,000. No, it cost me
$20,000; the rest was taken off in taxes.
The last time I saw him, he was wearing
a football helmet with a feather coming
out of the top.

PLAYBOY: You're known to have kept
friends since childhood. Do any of them
talk about you?

BRANDO: None of my friends, if they're
my friends, talk.

PLAYBOY: What happens to friends who
write books about you?

BRANDO: They're not friends to begin

with. Friends don't
quaintances do.
PLAYBOY: Have you ever read any of
those books?

BRANDO: No. Life is not about that.
Surely, life is about something other
than sitting and reading books about
yourself.

PLAYBOY: Are there many people in your
profession for whom you have a lot of
respect?

BRANDO: There are not many people in
anybody's life that one can have a lot of
respect for. No. How many people in
your life do you have a lot of respect for?
PLAYBOY: A handful.

BRANDO: A handful? Well, same here.
PLAYBOY: What about Jane Fonda, Rob-
ert Redford?

BRANDO: I think Jane Fonda has done
something. J could see her doing most
anything. Redford's certainly been effec-
tive in pursuing his interests. Who al-
ways sings I Left My Heart in San
Francisco?

PLAYBOY: Tony Bennett.

BRANDO: Yeah, Tony Bennett. He's been
extremely helpful all the way along.
He's a very decent guy, a very kind man.
But I've never met a movie actor yet
who made me fall to my knees in awe
and wonder.

PLAYBOY: What about Tennessee Wil-
liams?

BRANDO: He's an enormously sensitive
and cruelly honest person. If there are
men who have a clean soul, he’s onc of

them. He's an important and very brave
man.

PLAYBOY: Any others?

BRANDO: Stella Adler and Elia Kazan
were extremely important to me. J don't
think I would have been able to ply my
trade as well had I not been with them.
PLAYBOY: What distinguished Stella Ad-
Jer from other acting teachers? What
was she able to show you?

BRANDO: She was a very kind woman full
of insights and she guided and helped
me in my early days. I was certainly
confused and restless. Outside of her
phenomenal talent to communicate
ideas, to bring forth hidden sensitivity
in pcople, she was very helpful in a
troubled time in my life. She is a teach-
er not only of acting but of life itself.
She teaches people about themselves. I
wouldn't want to say that it's psycho-
therapy, but it has very clear psycho-
therapeutic results. People learn about
the mechanism of feeling. Whether they
ever go on to being actors or not, it's
irrelevant, they've learned a lot from her.
PLAYBOY: She once said, though, that she
never taught you anything; she just
opened doors lor you and you kicked
them down.

BRANDO: I would like to ask you, Vas ya
dere. Charley? [Laughs] That’s the great
phrase that sustains me from one prob-
lem to another. It's so simple: Finally it

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PLAYBOY

144

comes down to saying, Vas ya dere,
Charley?

PLAYBOY: One man with whom vou were
impressed was Justice William O. Doug-
las. Didn't you once go to see him about
something?

BRANDO: Yes I did. 1 was absolutely
tonguetied. I didn't know what in the
world to say. I met him twice. Once in
his chamber, he was gracious enough to
admit me. I had a briefcase full of notes
and wanted to talk about the Amcrican
Indian. couldn't put a sentence togeth-
ег. He sat there, "Yes?" He listened
attentively. I suppose that intimidated
me more than anything, that he was lis-
tening. I stuttered around, stammered.
He said, “I have to go to the bench
now.” I said, “Oh, yes, yes, of course,
quite so. Goodbye, Mr. Justice, Mr.
Dougal, uh.

PLAYBOY: Was that the only time that's
ever happened to you?

BRANDO: Yeah.

PLAYBOY: That doesn’t seem to happen
to people like Bob Hope, John Wayne
or Sammy Davis Jr. when they mect
with politicians like Nixon and Ford,
How effective are such people in influ-
encing others to support someone like
Nixon?

BRANDO: Well, we ate the pudding, so.
1 think it's just window dressing. Politi-
cians go and get a few movie stars to put
behind their ears like political flowers.
Its parsley. They're just attention-get-
ting devices, ike those flags in the
used-car Jots that wave in the wind,
multicolored iridescent things, drive
along and they attract your attention for
two seconds and that’s the end of the
show.

PLAYBOY: But when celebrities lend their
names to $1000-a-plate dinners, it does
seem to bring in the money.
BRANDO: They're shills. Political shills.
PLAYBOY: Do you think that was Carter's
intention when he named Paul Newman.
to be a delegate to the UN special session.
concerning disarmament?

BRANDO: [Laughs]

PLAYBOY: Why are you laughing?

BRANDO: [Laughing] 1 wasn't laughing, 1
was coughing. Something in my drink.
PLAYBOY: You're not drinking anything.
Anyway, would you get involved if Car-
ter asked you?

BRANDO: I would not be involved in any
formal or informal way with the Cov-
ernment. If І can be helpful, it will not
be because I'm an officeholder. I think
Paul would be very effective as a politi-
cian. He's an intelligent, personable,
fair-minded guy.

PLAYBOY: Since we've got you talking
about one actor, you'll understand it if
we segue into opinions on other actors.
Wasn't there a rivalry between you and
Monigomery Clift in the old days?
BRANDO: I think that's beneath me. 105
too silly.

PLAYBOY: We had to ask.

BRANDO: I know you had to ask me, but
then І had to say it’s too silly when you
did ask me.

PLAYBOY: Another such rivalry, accord-
ing to the press, is between you and
Frank Sinatra, stemming from the fact
that you got the better role—and better
songs—in Guys and Dolls. Sinatra has
apparently called you the most over-
rated actor in the world.

BRANDO: I don't think that's true. You
didn't hear him say that. Vas ya dere,
Charley? And you weren't. So, unless he
says that to my face, it's not going to
have any great significance. And even if
he did say it, I don't know if it's going
to break my stride.

PLAYBOY: The press does play up rival-
ries, obviously.

BRANDO: Of course they do. That's how
they make their bread and butter. What
else are they going to do, write serious
stories about people?

PLAYBOY: What magazines do you read?
BRANDO: Scientific American, Science Di-
gest, The New York Review of Books,
The Co Evolution Quarterly.

—
"I beat the Army by being
declared psychoneurotic.

When I filled in their forms,

under ‘Race,’ I wrote,
“Human?”

PLAYBOY: Serious stuff. Do you ever light-
en it with something like the Reader's
Digest, to keep in touch with the com-
mon man?
BRANDO: "The Reader's Digest is the most
popular publication in America, outside.
ol the Bible, as far as I know. It is also
the worst piece of trash I've ever seen in
my life. I shouldn't say that—maybe
they'll do ar article about Indians.
[Laughs] But I think they know it is not
The New York Times Book Review; it's
not Esquire; its not PLAYBOY; it's not
Scientific American.
PLAYBOY: What about books?
BRANDO: I used to read an awful lot.
"Then I found that I had a lot of infor-
mation and very little knowledge. 1
couldn't learn from reading. I was doing
something else by reading, just filling up
this hopper full of information, but it
was undigested information. I used to
think the more intelligence you had, the
more knowledge you had, but it’s not
true. Look at Bill Buckley; he uses his
intelligence to further his own prejudices,
Why one reads is important. IE it’s
just for escape, that's all right, it's like
taking junk, it's meaningless. It's kind

of an insult to yourself. Like modern
conversation—it's used to keep people
away from one another, because people
don't feel assaulted by conversation so
much as silence, People have to make
conversation in order to fill up this yoid.
Void is terrifying to most people. We
can't have rect confrontation with
somebody in silence—because what
youre réally having is a full and more.
meaningful confrontation.

PLAYBOY: It’s a good thing you didn't ex-
press that in the beginning of this inter-
view or it would have been a very short
interview, indeed. Before we began tap-
ing. you told us of a recurrent night-
mare you have about being sick, in the
Korean War——

BRANDO: I didn't say the Korean War. I
said that it just would be horrible . . . to
be someplace in a war where you're
freezing and sick, you have diarrhea, no
way of getting back . . . it would be
awful.

1 always wondered why people went
off t0 war, get themselves blown apart.
"The Korean War, the Vietnam war, why
would they do it? Why not say, Christ,
ГЇЇ go to jail for five years and that will
be worth it, but I'm not going to get my
head blown off, that’s absurd, I’m not
going. A lot of them did it. But the
number who did not go was not so im-
pressive as the number who went.
PLAYBOY: When you were of draft age,
how did you avoid the Army?

BRANDO: I beat the Army by being de
clared psychoneurotic. They thought 1
was crazy. When I filled in their forms,
under “Race,” I wrote, "Human"; under
"Color," I wrote, “It varies." Also, I got
thrown out of military school, which
helped.

PLAYBOY: You must have made your par-
ents proud.

BRANDO: When I was kicked out of mili-
tary school, my father thought I was a
nogoodnik, I wasn't going to amount to
anything. When I went into acting, that
was the worst thing. When J started
making money at it, he couldn't believe
the kind of money I was making. It kind
of blew his mind. He didn’t know how
to handle it.

PLAYBOY: How about yourself? How did
you respond to the pressure? Did you
ever become dependent on drugs or
drink?

BRANDO: How individuals or society re-
sponds to pressure is the determination
of their general state of mental health.
There isn't a society in the world that
has not inyented some artificial means
to change their minds, their mood,
whether it’s cacao or kola nut or alcohol.
There are 5,000,000 or 10,000,000 alco-
holies in the United States.

But all kinds of drugs have been with
man forever and a day. If they're used as

(concluded on page 242)

FRESH FROM THE TROPICS.
THE RUM-LACED COCONUT.

Introducing CocoRibe Liqueur.
Wild Island Coconuts Laced with fine Virgin Islands Rum.

# CocoRibe™is the Caribbean drink.
/ Whether y: inki b
о!

one sip will take you bac!
tothat lazy day bythat
Caribbean lagoon.

ut, be careful.
Itisfromthe tropics.
And, itis wild.

FIRST LOOK

iemew novel

PLAYBOY

148

fountains that Kalidasa's architect had
designed now splashed in Johan’s own
courtyard, after a silence of 2000 years.

Securing this history-drenched piece
of land for his retirement had given
Johan more satisfaction than anything in
his whole career, fulfilling a dream that
he had never believed could come true.

Through long and bitter experience,
Rajasinghe had learned never to trust
first impressions, but also never to ignore
them. He had half expected that, like
his achievements, Vannevar Morgan
would be a large, imposing man, In-
stead, the engineer was well below aver-
age height and at first glance might even
have been called frail. That slender
body, however, was all sinew, and the
raven-black hair framed a face that
looked younger than its 51 years.

Rajasinghe knew power when he saw
it, for power had been his business; and
it was power that he was facing now.
Beware of small men, he had often told
himsell—for they are the movers and
shakers of the world.

And with this thought, there came the
first flicker of apprehension. As far as
Rajasinghe was aware, he and Morgan
had no interests in common, beyond
those of any men in this day and age.
‘They had never had any prior communi-
cation; indeed, he had barely recognized
Morgan's name. Still more unusual was
the fact that the engineer had asked him
to keep this meeting confidential.

Although Rajasinghe had complied, it
was with a feeling of resentment. There
was no need, anymore, for secrecy in his
peaceful life; the last thing he wanted
now was for some important mystery to
impinge upon his well-ordered existence.

Yet what upset him most was not the
mild secrecy but his own total bewilder-
ment, The chief engineer (land) of the
Terran Construction Corporation was
not going to travel thousands of kilome-
ters merely to ask for his autograph, or
to express the usual tourist platitudes.
He must have come here for some spe-
purpose—and, uy as he might,
jasinghe was unable to imagine it.

Rajasinghe knew that Morgan was
linked with T.C.C.'s greatest triumph—
the ultimate bridge. He had watched,
with half the world, when the final sec-
tion was lifted gently skyward by the
Graf Zeppelin II—itself one of the mar
vels of the age. All the airship's luxurious
fittings had been removed to save weight;
the famous swimming pool had been
drained and the reactors were pumping
their excess heat into the gasbags to
extra lift. It was the first time that a
dead weight of more than 1000 tons had
been hoisted three kilometers

ever

straight up into the sky, and every-
thing—doubtless to the disappointment
of millions—had gone without a hitch.

“My apologies, Ambassador,” sai
Morgan as he climbed out of the electro-
trike. "I hope the delay hasn't incon-
venienced you."

‘Not at all; my time is my own. You've
eaten, I hope’

"Yes when they canceled my Rome
connection, at least they gave me an
excellent lunch.”

"Probably better than you'd get at the
Hotel Yakkagala. Гуе arranged a room
for the night—it’s only a kilometer from
here. I'm afraid we'll have to postpone
our discussion until breakfast.”

Morgan looked disappointed but gave
a shrug of acquiescence. “Well, I've
plenty of work to keep me busy. I assume
that the hotel has full executive facili-
ties—or at least a standard terminal."

1 wouldn't guarantee anything much
more sophisticated than a telephone. But
I have a better suggestion, In just over
half an hour, I'm taking some friends
to the Rock. There's a son-etlumiéve
performance that I strongly recommend,
and you're very welcome to join us.”

He could tell that Morgan was trying
to think of a polite excuse

“That's very kind of you, but I real-
Jy must contact my office. . . 7

“You can use my console. I can prom-
ise you you'll find the show fascinating,
and it lasts only an hour. Oh, I'd forgot-
ten—you don't want anyone to know
you're here, Well, I'll introduce you as
Dr. Smith from the University of Tas-
mania. I'm sure my friends won't rec-
ognize you.”
singhe had no intention of of-
fending his visitor, but there was no
mistaking Morgan's brief flash of irri-
tation. The ex-diplomat’s instincts auto-
matically came into play; he filed the
reaction for future reference.

Interesting, he thought as he led his
guest into the villa; but probably not
important. Provisional hypothesis: Mor-
gan was a frustrated, perhaps even a
disappointed, man. It was hard to see
why, since he was a leader of his profes-
sion. What more could he want?

‘There was one obvious answer; Raja-
singhe knew the symptoms well, if only
because in his case, the disease had long
since burned itself out.

"Fame is the spur,” he recited in the
silence of his thoughts. How did the rest
of it go? “That last infirmity of noble
mind. . .. To scorn delights, and live
laborious days.”

Yes, that might explain the discontent
his still-sensitive antennae had detected.
And he suddenly recalled that the im-
mense inverted rainbow linking Europe
and Africa was almost ly called

the bridge . . . occasionally the Gibraltar
Bridge . . . but never Morgan's Bridge.

Well, Rajasinghe thought to himself,
if you're looking for fame, Dr. Morgan,
you won't find it here. Then why in the
name of a thousand yakkas have you
come to quiet little Taprobane?

DEMON ROCK

The cunningly contrived histo

pageant of light and sound still had
power to move Rajasinghe, though he
had seen it a dozen times and knew every
trick of the programing.
[he little amphitheater faced the west-
ern wall of Yakkagala, its 200 seats all
carefully oriented so that each spectator
looked up into the laser projectors at the
correct angle. The performance always
began at exactly the same time through-
out the year—19:00 hours.

Already, it was so dark that the Rock
was invisible, revealing its presence only
s a huge, black shadow eclipsing the
early stars, Then, out of that darkness,
there came the slow beating of a muffied
drum; and presently a calm, dispassion-
ate voice:

“This is the story of a king who mur-
dered his father and was killed by his
brother. In the bloodstained history of
mankind, that is nothing new. But this
King left an abiding monument; and a
legend that has endured for centuries. . . .

“His name was Kalidasa and he was
born 100 ycars after Christ, in Ranapura,
City of Gold—for centuries the capital
of the Taprobanean kings. But there was
a shadow across his birth.

The music became louder, as flutes and.
strings joined the throbbing drum, to
trace out a haunting, regal melody in the
night air. A point of light began to burn
on the face of the Rock; then, abruptly,
it expanded—and suddenly it seemed
that a magic window had opened into the
рам, to reveal a world more vivid
colorful than li self.

The dramatization, thought Morgan,
was excellent; he was glad that, for once,
he had let courtesy override his impulse
to work. He saw the joy of King Para-
vana when his favorite concubine pre-
sented him with his first-born son—and
understood how that joy was both aug-
mented and diminished when, only 2
hours later, the queen herself produced a
better claimant to the throne. Though
first in time, Kalidasa would not be first
in precedence; and so the stage was set
for tragedy.

“Yet in the early years of their boy
hood, Kalidasa and his half brother Mal-
were the closest of friends. They
grew up together quite unconscious of
their rival destinies and the intrigues that
festered around them, The first cause of
trouble had nothing to do with the

“That’s fate. I meet Alice and end up in Wonderland,

and you meet Hugh M. Hefner. .

PLAYBOY

150

accident of birth; it was only a well-inten-
ioned, innocent gift... .
"To the court of King Paravana came
envoys bearing tribute from many
lands—silk from Cathay, gold from Hin-
dustan, burnished armor from Imperial
Rome. And one day a simple hunter
from the jungle ventured into the great
city, bearing a gift that he hoped would
please the royal family—a tiny snow-
white monkey.

‘According to the chronicles, nothing
like it had ever been seen before; its hair
was white as milk, its eyes pink as rubies.
Some thought it a good omen—others an
evil one, because white is the color of
death and of mourning. And their fears,
alas, were well founded.

“Prince Kalidasa loved his little pet
and called it Hanuman after the yaliant
monkey-god of the Ramayana, The king's
jeweler constructed a small golden cart,
in which Hanuman would sit solemnly
while he was drawn through the court,
to the delight of all who watched.

“For his part, Hanuman loved Kali-
dasa and would allow no one else to han-
dle him. He was especially jealous of
Prince Malgara—almost as if he sensed
the rivalry to come. And then, one un-
lucky day, he bit the heir to the
throne.

“The bite was trifling—its conse-
quences, immense. A few days later, Han-
uman was poisoned—doubtless by order
of the queen. That was the end of Kali-
dasa's childhood; thereafter, it is said,
he never loved or trusted another human
being. And his friendship toward Mal-
gara turned to bitter enmity

"Nor was this the only trouble that
stemmed from the death of one small
monkey. By command of the king, a
special tomb was built for Hanuman, in
the shape of the traditional bell-shaped
shrine or dagoba.

"Now, this was an extraordinary thing
to do, for it aroused the instant hostility
of the monks. Dagobas were reserved for
relics of the Buddha, and this act ap-
peared to be one of deliberate sacrilege.

“Indeed, that may well have been its
intention, for King Paravana had now
come under the sway of a Hindu swami
and was turning against the Buddhist
faith, Although Prince Kalidasa was too
young to be involved in this conflict,
much of the monks’ hatred was now di-
rected against him. So began a feud that
in the years to come was to tear the king-
dom apart. . .. »

"Like many of the other tales recorded.
in the ancient chronicles of Taprobane,
for almost 2000 years there was no proof
that the story of Hanuman and young
Prince Kalidasa was anything but a
charming legend, Then, in 2015, a team
of Harvard archaeologists discovered the
foundations of a small shrine in the

grounds of thc old Ranapura Palacc.
"The shrine appeared to have been delib-
erately destroyed, for all the brickwork of
the superstructure had vanished.

“The usual relic chamber set in the
foundations was empty, obviously robbed
of its contents centuries ago. But the stu-
dents had tools of which the old-time
treasure hunters never dreamed; their
neutrino survey disclosed a second relic
chamber, much deeper. The upper one
was only a decoy, and it had served its
purpose well. The lower chamber still
held the burden of love and hate it had
carried down the centuries—inside the
little golden cart, which still looked as if
it had come straight from the craftsman's
workshop, was a bundle of tiny bones,”

Morgan listened to the story with fasci-
nation. The years had passed and a com-
plex family quarrel ensued. Then the
crown prince Malgara and the queen
mother fled to India, and Kalidasa killed
his father and seized the throne.

So Kalidasa became the master of
Taprobane, but at a price that few men
would be willing to pay. For, as the
chronicles recorded, always he lived “in
fear of the next world and of his broth-
er." Sooner or later, Майрага would re-
turn to seek his rightful throne.

For a few years, like the long line of
kings before him, Kalidasa held court in
Ranapura. Then, for reasons of which
history is silent, he abandoned the royal
capital for the isolated rock monolith of
Yakkagala, 40 kilometers away in the
jungle.

‘There were some who argued that he
sought an impregnable fortress, safe from
the yengeance of his brother. Yet, in the
end, he spurned its protection—and, if
it was merely a citadel, why was Yakka-
gala surrounded by immense pleasure
gardens whose construction must have de-
manded as much labor as the walls and
moat themselves? Above all, why the
frescoes?

As the narrator poscd this question,
the entire western face of the Rock ma-
terialized out of the darkness—not as it
was now but as it must have been 2000
years ago. A band starting 100 meters
from the ground, and running the full
width of the Rock, had been smoothed
and covered with plaster, upon which
were portrayed scores of beautiful wom-
en—lifesize, from the waist upward.
Some were in profile, others fullface, and
all followed the same basic pattern.

Ocher-skinned, voluptuously bosomed,
they were clad either in jewels alone or
in the most transparent of upper gar-
ments. Some wore towering and elaborate
headdresses—others, apparently, crowns.
Many carried bowls of flowers or held
single blossoms nipped delicately be-
tween thumb and forefinger. Though

about half were darkerskinned than
their companions and appeared to be
handmaidens, they were no less elabo-
rately coiffured and bejeweled.

“Once, there were more than two hun-
dred figures. But the rains and winds of
centuries have destroyed all except twen-
ty, which were protected by an over-
hanging ledge of rock.

“No one knows who they were, what
they represented and why they were cre-
ated with such labor, in so inaccessible a
spot. The fayorite theory is that they
were celestial beings and that all Kali-
dasa's efforts here were devoted to creat-
ing a heaven on carth, with its attendant
goddesses. Perhaps he believed himself a
god-king, as the Pharaohs of Egypt had
done; perhaps that is why he borrowed
from them the image of the Sphinx,
guarding the entrance to his palace.

“And here he lived, for almost twenty
years, awaiting the doom that he knew
would come. And at last Malgara came.
From the summit of the Rock, Kalidasa
saw the invaders marching from the
north. Perhaps he believed himself im-
pregnable; but he did not test it.

“For he left the safety of his great
fortress and rode out to meet his brother
in the neutral ground between the two
armies. One would give much to know
what words they spoke, at that last en-
counter. Some say they embraced before
they parted; it may be true.

“Then the armies met, like the waves
of the sca, Kalidasa was fighting on his
own territory, with men who knew the
Jand, and at first it seemed certain that
victory would go to him. But then oc-
curred another of those accidents that
determine the fate of nations.

"Kalidasz's great war elephant, capari-
soned with the royal banners, turned
aside to avoid a patch of marshy ground.
The defenders thought that the king was
retreating. Their morale broke; they scat-
tered, as the chronicles record, like chaff
from the winnowing fan.

“Kalidasa was found on the battlefield,
dcad by his own hand. Malgara became
king. And Yakkagala was abandoned to
the jungle, not to be discovered again for
seventeen hundred years.”

THROUGH THE TELESCOPE

"My secret vice,” Rajasinghe called
it, with wry amusement but also with
regret. It had been years since he had
climbed to the summit of Yakkagala,
and though he could fly there whenever
he wished, that did not give the same
feeling of achievement. To do it the
саву way bypassed the most fascinating
architectural details of the ascent; no one
could hope to understand the mind of
Kalidasa without following his footsteps

(continued on page 168)

WHY THE
BRITISH LOVE

TO DRESS (

| \

our pudgy hero in bra and panties? god save the queen! —

T I5 A GREAT HELP for a man to be in love with himself.

For an actor, however, it is absolutely essential. Self-love is
the most enduring and satiaf: emotion of which human
life is capable. I have little patience with anyone who is not
self-satisfied. 1 am always pleased to sce my friends, happy to
be with my wife and family, but the high spot of every day is
when 1 first catch a glimpse of myself in the shaving mirror.
At the same time, I am aware that my fans and I cannot al-
ways continue to grow old together. Some of them must, alas,
fall by the wayside or grow too old and infirm to totter down

SOFT SCULPTURE BY JOELLEN TRILLING PHOTOGRAPHY BY PETER AARON [ESTO

the aisle even at matinees. They must, of necessity, content
themselves with their memories of my performances in earlier
and happier days. My problem, therefore, since memory pays
nothing at the box office, is to entrap others who have so far
evaded the net that I have so assiduously cast in the small
pond of which I own the fishing rights I have never been a
deepsea fisherman; it is not in my nature to trawl in the vast
oceans where Olivier, Richardson, Gielgud and Robards defy
the elements. I avoid the great play as I would the great wave.
I prefer the ripples of laughter (continued on page 306)

25
BEAUFUIE YEARS

over the past quarter century,
playboy has brought you
the world's loveliest women.
herewith, the ones we
consider the most memorable

WE'RE NOT SURE that such a poll has
ever been taken, but we'd bet that if
readers were asked to give the first
phrase they thought of in association
with PLAYBOY. that phrase most often
would be: "Women. Beautiful women.
After all, way back in 1960, an editorial
in that distinctly nonerotic London pub-
lication The Architects’ Journal called
our Playmates “one of America’s great-
est gifts to Western culture.” We'll buy
that, but we'd also like to point out—
as most of you already know—that the
Playmates form only part of the, ab,
body of our contribution to the world-
wide pastime of girl watching. Some of
this generation's most famous movie
goddesses have appeared in PLAYR
the magazine got its start, in fact, with
one such legend, Marilyn Monroe.
When we began making plans for this
silver-anniversary issue, we found it
difficult to choose which beautiful
women to feature. (Everyone should
have such troubles.) If you don't find
your personal favorite among those
sbown, you have our sincerest regrets,
but that’s also a tribute to the wealth
of gorgeous ladies who've made the
pages of PLAYBOY such a joy to behold.

MARILYN MONROE As Sweetheart

of the Month, she helped make.
PLAYBOY's first issue a virtual sellout.

MM became a generation's love goddess;
said Clark Gable, her co-star in The
Misfits, which was the last film for botl
“She made a man proud to be a ma:

JANET PILGRIM Playboy's Office
Playmate (above right) made the first
of three gatefold appearances
1955. Who's the shadowy figure
background? Hef, that’s who.
retired from PLAYBOY to raise
a family, now fives in New England.

JUNE WILKINSON Another all-time
favorite, June (right) was a relatively
unheralded British actress when she
made her PLAYBOY bow as “The Bosom”
in September 1958. She subsequently
became a familiar figure in movies and
on TV, including Playboy's Penthouse.

"m.

oi ‘Pp

Ix.
AND
EX

LT "t

JAYNE MANSFIELD Miss
February 1955 was an
unknown when we found
her: PLAYBOY and Will
Success Spoil Rock
Hunter? changed all that.
Jayne (left) starred in 11
films and six of our most
popular pictoriais.

ANITA EKBERG
Everybody called her
statuesque. soit was no
surprise when sculptor
Sepy Dobronyi chose her
as a model for a work in
bronze. Below. one of his
figure studies, published in
our August 1956 issue.

JO COLLINS Our 1965 Playmate
of the Year, Jo (left) went to
Vietnam to deliver a lifetime
subscription to some Gls. Later,
she wed baseball's no-hi

pitcher Bo Belinsky: after that
union sttuck out, she married a
Chicago businessman.

CHRISTA SPECK Christa was our
September 1961 Playmate, but her most
memorable picture is the one below, from
Playmate Holiday House Party that
December. Christa wed noted puppeteer
Marty Krofft, creator of H. А. Pufnstuf.

"All al LL A Poh

777:

ide ki Vs

KIM NOVAK Kim (above), like
PLAYBOY, a product of Chicago, was
already an established film star when
she posed for these exclusive photos
in her Big Sur hideaway. At Home
with Kim was published in our
February 1965 issue.

DONNA MICHELLE It wasa

brief hop from our December 1963
gatefold to the title of Playmate of

the Year in 1964. Donna (right)
reappeared many times in PLAYBOY,
usually before, once behind the
camera: She became a photographer.

(CAROL LYNLEY Like Brooke Shields,
Carol (left) was a top subteen model
before becoming an actress—though
she did wait till the ripe old age of 15
before changing careers. Here's a
picture from our March 1965 feature
Carol Lynley Grows Up.

URSULA ANDRESS "She" Is Ursula Andress, 12 pages
tagged to her 1965 movie, She, was photographed by her
then husband, director/actor John Derek. At the time, it was
the longest PLAYBOY pictorial ever devoted to one woman.

ELKE SOMMER "Elke is the perfect wife—inexpensive to
dress,” wrote photojournalist Joe Hyams in a September 1970
pictorial tribute to his actress spouse (right). Elke's still acting,
Joe's still writing— and they're still happily married.

CATHERINE DENEUVE Photographer David Bailey and the
actress/model (right) who's been called the world's most beautiful
woman were just friends when he shot France's Deneuve

Wave (October 1965); shortly afterward. though, they wed.

PAULA KELLY Lawrence Schiller's
series of strobe exposures captured
this actress; dancer at her most
captivating for our August 1969 feature
Sweet Paula. This was. incidentally, the
debut of pubic hair in the magazine.

VERUSCHKA This high-fashion
model went back to nature in Stalking
the Wild Veruschka (January 1971). At
left. a bit of body paint turns Countess
Vera Gottlieb von Lehndorff (her real
name) into a sensuous snake.

MARY AND MADELEINE
COLLINSON

Identical models from Matta, these
spirited young ladies became our only
twin Playmates in October 1970. After
that introduction, they moved right along
into movies: e.g., The Love Machine.

№

CLAUDIA JENNINGS Another Playmate of the Year,
Claudia (right) held the title in 1970 (after appearing as Miss
November 1969). Since then, she has become even better
known as "Queen of the B Movies." You saw her most
recently in the futuristic thriller Deathsport, opposite
David Carradine; her next will be Fast Company.

MARILYN COLE The Playmate of the Year for 1973,
Marilyn (left) is a native of Portsmouth who was a
Bunny and public-relations officer at our London
Club before appearing on the January 1972 centerfold.
Next she pursued a modeling career but has now
returned to doing PR at London's Clermont Club.

BARBI BENTON She made her showbiz bow in the 4
cast of Playboy After Dark, where she met host Hugh
Hefner. The rest, as they say, is history. Lately, Barbi’s
been busy in television (Sugar Time!, Murder at the
Mardi Gras) and making hit records, mainly country,
which explains the January 1977 pose at right.

LILLIAN MULLER An
unforgettable blonde, this
Norwegian import (above)

was Miss August 1975, then
Playmate of the Year for
1976. Not surprisingly, she
caught Ihe eye of directors;
you may have seen her last
season on TV (The Night
They Took Miss Beautiful).

BRIGITTE BARDOT Her
life may not have begun at
40, but it sure didn't end
there, either, as the photo at
left, from January 1975,

taken just past that milestone
birthday, proves. Although
BB's first PLAYBOY pictures
had been published in 1958,
she had barely aged.

SARAH MILES This 1976
shot (and others from The
Sailor Who Fell from Grace)
of Sarah and co-star Kris
Kristofferson was rumored to
have caused trouble at home
for Kris; he’s still married to
Rita Coolidge, however, so
she must have concluded it
was all in a day's work.

———— n саана = — sx PATTI MCGUIRE In November
A 1976. we introduced Missouri
Breaker, our qood-buddy
gatefold girl—and her fellow
C.B. enthusiasts everywhere
flipped. Result: We named Patti
(lett), a former Bunny at the
St. Louis Playboy Club,
Playmate of the Year for 1977.

DEBRA JOFONDREN The

reigning Playmate of the Year—

" v and one of the most outstanding
y y ever (below) —is our Hair
ы Apparent. а Rapunzel-tressed
\ blonde from Beaumont, Texas.
A Debra Jo's been busy criss-

crossing the continent on
personal-appearance tours.

LIV LINDELAND Another
Norwegian, Miss January
1971 (left) was PLAYBOY'S
first full-frontal-nude
Plavmate—and Playmate
of the Year for 1972. Now
married, Liv is attending
real-estate school—and
painting abstracts.

PLAYBOY

168

FOUNTAINS © PAIRANDIGIE

(continued from page 150)

“Morgan was walking briskly around the very edge
of the cliff, centimeters away from the sheer drop.”

all the way from pleasure gardens to
aerial palace.

But there was a substitute that could
give an aging man considerable satisfac-
tion. Years ago, he had
compact and powerful
tclescope; through it he could ream the
entire western wall of the Rock, retrac-
ing the path he had followed to the
summit so many Limes in the past.

Rajasinghe seldom used the telescope
in the morning. because the sun was
then on the far side of gala and
little could be seen on the shadowed
western face.

Yet now, as he glanced out the wide
picture window that gave him an ahnost
complete view of Yakkagala, he was sur-
prised to see a tiny figure moving along
rtly silhouetted
inst the sky. Visitors never climbed to
top so soon after dawn—the guard
wouldn't even unlock the elevator to the
frescoes for another hour, Rajasinghe
wondered who the early bird could be.

He rolled out of bed and swung the
stubby barrel l rhe Rock

"I might have guessed it!" he told
himself, with considerable pleasure, as
he switched to high power last
nights show had impressed Morgan, as
well it should have donc. The engineer.
was seeing for himself, in the short time
available, how Kalidasa's architects had
met the challenge

Then Rajasinghe noticed somet
quite alarming. Morgan was walking
briskly around the very edge of the shecr
cliff, not centimeters away from the
sheer drop that few tourists ever dared
approach. Not many had the courage
even to sit in the Elephant Throne, with
their feet dangling over the abyss; but
now the engineer was actually kneeling
heside it, holding on to the carved stone
work with one casual arm—and leaning
right out into nothingness as he sur-
veyed the rock face below. Rajasinghe,
who had never been very happy even
with such fam: heights as Yakka-
1's, decided that Morgan must be one
of these rare people who are completely
unailected by height

Now what was he doing? He was on
his knees at the side of the Eleph
"Throne and was holding a small rec-
tangular box. Rajasinghe could catch
only plimpses of it, and the manner in
which the engineer was using it made
no sense at all. Was he planning to build
something there? Not that it would be
allowed, of course, and Rajasinghe could.

the crest of the Rock, pz

imagine no conceivable attractions for
such a site.

And then Rajasinghe, who had alw;
prided himself on his self-control, even
in the most dramatic and unexpected
situations, gave an involuntary ау of
horror. Vannevar Morgan had stepped
ally backward off the face of the
Cil, out into empty space.

THE GOD-KING'S PALACE.

Vannevar Morgan had not slept well
and that was most unusual. He had
wavs taken pride in his sell awareness
nd his insight into his own drives and
emotions. If he could not sleep, he
wanted to know why.

Until yesterday, he had never heard of
Yakka indeed, until a few wecks
ago, he was only vaguely aware of Ta-
probane itself, until the logic of his quest
directed him inexorably toward th
land. By now, he should already have
left; whereas, in fact, his mi had
not yet begun. He did not mind the
slight disruption of his schedule; what
did permrh him was rhe feeling that he
was being moved by forces beyond his
understanding.

If he succeeded in the task Шаг con-
fronted him, he would be famous for
centuries to come, Already, his mind,
strength and will were being taxed to
the utmost; he had no time for idle dis-
tractions. Yet he had become fascinated
by the achievements of an engineer-
architect 2000 years dead, belonging to
totally alien culture. And there was
the mystery of Kalidasa himself; what
was his purpose in building Yakkagala?
The king might have been a monster,
but there was something about his char-
ter that struck a chord in the secret.
places of Morgan's own heart.

Sunrise would be in 30 minutes; it was
still two hours before his breakfast with
Ambassador R; nghe. That would be
long enough—and he might have no
other opportunity.

He had already closed the door of his
room when he a sudden after-
thought. For a moment, he stood hesi-
tantly in the corridor; then he smiled
and shrugged his shoulders. It wouldn't
do any h and one never knew.

Once more back in his room, Mor
unlocked his suitcase and took out a
small flat box, about the size and shape
of a pocket calculator. He checked the
battery charge, tested. the manual over-
ride, then clipped it to the steel buckle
of his strong leather waist belt. Now

he was, indeed, ready to enter Kalidasa's
haunted kingdom, and to face whatever
demons it held.

The fountains along the axis of the
gardens rose and fell together with a
languid rhythm, as if they were breath-
ing slowly in unison, There was not an-
other human being in sight; he had the
whole expanse of Yakkagala to himself.

Morgan walked past the line of foun-
tains, Feeling their spray against his
and stopped once to admire the beaut
fully carved stone guttering—obviously.

inal—that carried the overflow. He
wondered how the okd-time hydraulic

engincers lifted the water to drive the
fountains, and what pressure differences
they could handle; these soaring, vert

cal jets must have been truly astonishing
to those who first witnessed them.

The sun rose, pouring welcome
warmth upon his back as Morgan passed
through the gap in the massive ramparts
that formed the outer defenses of the
fortress. Before him, spanned by а nar-
row stone bridge, were the still waters of
the great moat, stretching in a perfectly
suaight line for half a kilometer on
ther side, A small foilla of swans
sailed hopefully toward him through the
lilies, then dispersed with raffled Icath-
ers when it was clear that he had no
food to offer. On the far side of the
bridge, he came to a second, smaller wall
and climbed the narrow flight of stairs
cut through it: and there before him
loomed the sheer face of the Rock.

And now ahead was a steep flight of
granite steps, their treads so uncomlort-
ly ac-
the

ply narrow that they could b;
commodate Morgan's boots. Did
people who built this extraordi:
place have such tiny feet? he wondered.
Or was it a clever ruse of the architect,
10 discourage unfriendly v

А small pladorin, then another iden-
tical Hight of steps, and Morgan found
himself on a long, slowly ascending gal-
lery cut into the lower Hanks of the
Rock. He was now more than 50 meters
above the surrounding plain, but the
view was completely-blocked by a high
wall coated with smooth yellow plaster.
‘The Rock above him overhung so much
that he might almost have been walking
aloug a tunnel, for only a narrow band
of sky was visible overhead.

Hallway along the stone gallery, Mor
came to the now locked. door of the
Ише elevator leading to the famous
frescoes, 20 meters directly above. He
craned his neck to see them, but they
were obscured by the platlorm of the
Visitors’ viewing cage, clinging like a
metal bird's nest to the outward leaning
face of the Rock. Some tourists, Raja-
singhe had told him, took one look at the
dizzy location of the frescoes and decided
to satisfy themselves with photographs.
(continued on page 228)

POWER FAILURE

opinion By DAVID HALBERSTAM

the trouble you're experiencing
with television is not the fault of your set.

ET Us Now praise Bill Moyers and Robert MacNeil. They are journalists,
П. both of them, television journalists, to be specific, and they do not make
as much money as some of their colleagues ori the network news shows,
nor do they have anywhere near the audiences. But they have become, in the
best sense, in a society that desperately needs precisely this, among our best
national voices. They form an important part of our national social life line.
They have done that, ironically enough, by resisting the temptations of the far
more powerful life line of network television.
Let us start with MacNeil. He was once a correspondent for the Canadian
Broadcasting Company, and a very good one at (continued on page 262)

BEYOND

1984

halley's comet is on its way

and the "mad" scientists at the jet
propulsion laboratory in pasadena
are planning a little surprise

essay By RAY BRADBURY DON'T LOOK NOW, but the Eighties are ' `

almost upon us. Which m al Chicken Little end-of-the-world
doomsters are rushing in circles, colliding with themselves and shouting,
“Head for the hills, the dam is broke.” Here comes 1984. Watch out, there's
Big Brother.

Bulrushe
Nineteen

пх that the u

sand sauerkraut.
ighty-four will never arrive. "

Yes, the year itself will show up but not as a Kremlin in gargoyle or an
Orwellian beast. We have for the time bein yway. knocked Big Brother
into the next century. With luck and if we keep our eye on the ballot box
and our chameleon pol

os, he may never recov

Meanwhile, just beyond.

1984, a truly grand year awaits us, Nineteen eighty-six will be a special time.
Why special and why grand? If 1984 once symbolized the worst of man, 1986
might just possibly symbolize nothing but the best. For that is the year we

PLAYBOY

earthlings will enjoy a dose encounter of
the fourth kind.

A visitor from beyond hark itself
on our solar doorstep for some few
months, then vanish like some Christmas
ghost. We will not see it again for an-
other 76 years. How shall we react? In
опе scenario, we will toss ourselves high
in celebrations to meet this ghost. We
will stand forth in space and wave the
cold beast in. We will laugh in its
face. We will probe its icy flesh and swirl
our technological matador's cape as it
rushes by us some 100,000 miles per hour.
We will pierce its heart with the finest
brightest swords that science can forge,
then offer to crowds around the world the
secret of the birth of the solar system.

In another scenario, we will watch an
artist's conception of the event on tele-
vision, our faces illuminated by the pale

ài
light of the tube. A commentator. will

mourn: “Maybe next timc."

The visitor, of course, is Halley's
comet. The villain is Congress, which
must approve the funds for this grand
scheme. And who are the people who
would play tag with the cosmic train?
The amiable “mad” scientists at the Jet
Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena,
Californi:

‘Those are the same wild folks who
helped bring you Mars Viking landings
I and П. The folks who remind me of
that old Bob Hope/Jerry Colonna rou-
tine in which Hope shouts at the sky:

"Colonna, what are you doi
there?"

“Building a bridge—star
top.”

But," cries Hope, “you can't do that!”

Colonna shrugs and turns to his
workers:

“All right, boys, tear it down

But the blueprinters at J.P.L. won't
tear anything down. They are used to
building imaginary bridges, starting at
the top, then riveting a foundation un-
der the dream before it blows aw;

‘Those are the folks who want to build
a bridge to Mars, who would send a
probe there that would return with sam-
ples from the surface. Those are the folks
who want to build a bridge to Tit
sample the atmosphere of
literary moon. They would orbit Jupiter,
land on Mercury and send a robot to
summer camp on Mars. They are dream-
ers who, when they awake, try to sell
their dreams to NASA and a skinflint
Congress.

If Congress wants to share the dream
of a Halley's-comet encounter, it will
have to reach into its purse and pull out
some $500,000,000. And it will have to do
so in the near future. If it waits too long,
there won't be time for the experimental
draftings, the many test failures and the
final successes that plague and reward

172 such grandiose exercises. The bureauc-

racy that made Big Brother possible will
kill the drea:

One plan to rendezvous with Halley's
comet has already bitten the dust. In
1977, scientists at J-P.L. were toying v
the idea of a solar sail, a giant kit
stringless Mylar wonder, several miles
square, with all our souls as its endless
The sail was to be powered by the
light of the sun.

Pure sunlight can do that? It can.
Light rays exert pressure in the form of
protons—massless particles. When these
particles strike a surface, they are, in
effect, a supersonic wind blowing against

ntercept plan was
imple and elegant. The sail would be a
thin breath of Mylar plastic skinned out
over some aluminum spider that might
well measure as much as half a mile wide.
This vast experiment would be tucked in
special shuttles and Taunched into space,
There, astronauts would scramble to un-
furl the beauty, raise the sail, finish out
the kite, then hop back into the shuttles
and let the sun push the sail with its
massless winds. Set free, the sail would
be controlled and balanced by vanes.

Slowly it would build speed, until it
reached the 100,000 mph necessary to
make thc rendezvoi Unlike normal
rockets, which are limited in the amount
of fuel they can carry, and in their final
speed, the solar sail would find its fuel
in space.

To reach rendezvous speed, a launch
would have to have been made by 1981.
The seed money should have been
granted in 1978, It didn’t happen. NASA
looked at the comet-intercept project,
compared the benefits with other prior-
ity projects (including another comet
project) and crossed off the solar sail
from its 1978 shopping list.

"Ehe scientists at J.P.L. were undaunt-
ed. They had an alternative propulsion
system on the drawing boards: the ion
drive, a galactic butterfly that can spin
sunlight into electricity, to emit a soft
violet blast. Like the solar sail, it finds
its fuel in space. Dr. Ken Atkins, head
of the comet-intercept program at J-P.L.,
pulled the ion drive out of the hat and
said, Lo: We can't build up speed to
rendezvous, but we can cut across the
path of the visitor and drop an instru-
ment package down the throat of the
comet.

And just for a touch of dass, the
J.P.L. plan offered a two-for-one shot:
‘The ion-drive craft could fly by Halley's
comet, then, two years later, rendezvous
with "Tempel I, a bright little visitor
that drops by every 5.3 years. We could
pace the comet past Mercury without set-
ting ourselves aflame, then tag along
when it moved back out to hide itself in
the inine-shaft universe.

‘The project can be done; the only

question is, will it be done?

"That depends on the Congress and/or
the President. The latter is questionable.
Space is low down on their priority scale.

Why should we spend half a billion
dollars on a comet? Because we must con-
front the mystery. What is a comet? The
question runs back beyond Bethlehem,
before the birth of the Pharaohs.

Is a comet a somewhat soiled but
mighty snowball hurled from the left
hand of God some winter moming He
has long since forgotten? Is it the breath
of some old sun now dead but whose

final sigh now comes to whisper round

our yard? Is it a halation of dusts and
interplanetary cinders, fragments of me-
tcoroid flaked from some chance encoun-
ter with a far planetary system?

The commonest theory, advanced by
Fred Whipple in 1950, describes com-
etary bodies as blizzards of frozen gases
and small nonvolatile solids. Small com-
ets are a few hundred meters in diameter.
The largest measure 20 miles across. As
а comet enters the system, the sun heats
the frozen sphere. The solar wind blows
the debris into a tail, or comma, 1,000,000
miles in length.

"The scientific community is very in-
terested the Comet Rendezvous Pro-
gram. It is likely that the debris caught
in the frozen grasp of the comet head is
primordial. As old as the universe. The
Halley probe could analyze the dust by
spectrometer and magnetometer. Cam-
eras could give us a view of the birth
scars of the solar system. It is an oppor-
tunity too important to pass up because
of mere economics.

Of course, there are other comets. The
boys at J.P.L. have come up with several
alternative missions between now and
the tum of the century. But Halley's
comet is so American. Indecd, when I
first heard of the project, I suggested

ing the probe the Mark Twain. Why?

Well, now, Mark Twain was born in
1835, when Hallev's comet tore across the
sky to welcome him. Doubtful of mira-
cles, suspicious of heaven, nonetheless,
‘Twain later predicted he would depart
this Earth when the comet came back to
fetch him. It did, and Twain did, in 1910.

Halley's comet has a power over men's
imaginations that far execeds shuttle
diplomacy or the best of primetime
television.

e
At the core of our Mark Twain celes-

tial explorer would be cameras and multi-
purpose devices to photograph the comet,
take its temperature and, with luck,
knife through to its bright interior. The
instrument package we would hurl into
the face of Halley's comet is doomed—
at 57 kilometers per second, the comet
devours everything in its path. Another
fate awaits the surviving part of the
(continued on page 353)

IS
SRN

ПА Саа.

“Are you coming out to the sauna, Sven, or do I
have to come in and drag you out?"

173

On. F Y
"Of course, I favor the publishing
o” =
“You favor pornography?" The reac
tionary was distressed, appalled, sick-
ened.
“I said the publishing of pornography,
yes
“But what's the difference? I mean
between being in favor of publish-
ing pornography and pornography?”
‘The conservative was troubled.
“Whether or not I personally like or
dislike pornography is immaterial.”
Television is a great leveler. You oi
always end up sounding like the
people who ask the questions. |
“The freedom to publish anything “=
is guaranteed by the First Amend- 8
ment to the Constitution. That is
the Jaw. Whether you or I or any-
one likes what is published is"—
repetition coming up. Y was tired

ILLUSTRATIONS BY KINUKO Y. CRAFT

farther back on his head. Didn't like the
result. Tried it lower down. All the
ie spoke | м:

PLAYBOY

fired, his wife and children are going to
starve, too. That grim knowledge makes
for docility.

Although our notions about what con-
stitutes correct sexual behavior are usual-
ly based on religious texts, those texts
are invariably interpreted by the rulers
in order to keep control over the ruled.
Any sexual or intellectual or recreational
or political activity that might decrease
the amount of coal mined, the number of
pyramids built, the quantity of junk food
confected will be proscribed through laws
that, in turn, are based on divine revela-
tions handed down by whatever god or
gods happen to be in fashion at the mo-
ment. Religions are manipulated in
order to serve those who govern society
and not the other way around. This is а
brand-new thought to most Americans,
whether once or twice or never bathed
in the blood of the Lamb.

Traditionally, Judaeo-Christianity ap-
proved of sex only between men and
women who had been married in a re-
ligious ceremony. The newlyweds were
then instructed to have children who
would, in turn, grow up and have more
children (the Reverend Malthus wor-
ried about this inverted pyramid), who
would continue to serve the socicty as
loyal workers and dutiful consumers.

For the married couple, sexual activity
outside marriage is still a taboo. Al
though sexual activity before marriage is
equally taboo, it is more or less accepted
if the two parties are really and truly
serious and sincere and mature . . . in
other words, if they are prepared to do
their duty by one day getting married
in order to bring forth new worker-con-
sumers in obedience to God's law, which
tends to resemble with suspicious nice-
ness the will of the society's owners.

Fortunately, nothing human is con-
stant. Today civil marriages outnumber
religious marriages; divorce is common-
place; contraception is universally prac-
ed, while abortion is legal for those
with money. But our rulers have given
ground on these sexual-social issues with
great reluctance, and it is no secret that
there is a good deal of frustration in the
board rooms of the republic.

For one thing, workers are less obe-
dient than they used to be. If fired, they
can go on welfare—the De
Also, the fact that most jobs men do
women can do and do do has endangered
the old patriarchal order. A woman who
can support herself and her child is a
threat to marriage, and marriage is the
central institution whereby the owners of
the world control those who do the work.
Homosexuality also threatens that an-
cient domination, because men who

178 don't have wives or children to worry

about are not as easily dominated as
those men who do.
б

At any given moment in а society's
life, there are certain hot buttons that
a politician can push in order to get a
predictably hot response. A decade ago,
if you asked President Nixon what he
intended to do about unemployment, he
was apt to answer, “Marijuana is a half-
way house to something worse.” It is
good politics to talk against sin—and
don't worry about non sequiturs. In fact,
it is positively un-American —even Com-
munist—to discuss a real issue such as
unemployment or who is stealing all that
money at the Pentagon.

"Fo divert the electorate, the unscrupu-
lous American politician will go alter
those groups not regarded benignly by
Old or New Testament. The descendants
of Ham are permanently unpopular with
white Americans, Unhappily for the hot-
button pusher, it is considered bad taste
to go after blacks openly. But code
phrases may be used. Everyone knows
that “welfare chiseler” means nigger, as
does “law and order.” The first on the
ground that the majority of those on wel-
fare are black (actually, they are white);
the second because it is generally be-
lieved that most urban crimes are com-
mitted by blacks against whites (actually
they are committed by jobless blacks
against other blacks). But poor blacks are
not the only target. Many Christers and
some Jews don't like poor white people
very much, on the old Puritan ground
that if you're good, God will make you
rich. This is a familiar evangelical Chris-
tian line, recently unfurled by born
again millionaire Walter Hoving. When
he found himself short $2,400,000 of the
amount he needed to buy Bonwit Teller,
Mr. Hoving “opened himself up to the
Lord,” who promptly came through with
the money. "It was completely a mira-
cle.” Now we know why the rich are
always with us. God likes chem.

Jews are permanently unpopular with
American Christers because they are for-
ever responsible for Jesus’ murder, no
matter what those idolatrous (soaked
Roman Catholics at the Second Vatican
Council said. It is true that with the es-
tablishment of Israel, the Christers now
have a grudging admiration for the Jew
as bully. Nevertheless, in once-and-twice-
born land, it is an article of faith that
America’s mass media are owned by Jews
who mean to overthrow God's country.
Consequently, “mass media” is this year’s
code phrase for get the kikes, while “Save
Our Children” means get the fags.

But politics, like sex, often makes for
odd alliances. This year, militant Christ-
ers in tandem with militant Jews are
pushing the sort of hot buttons that they
think will strengthen the country's own-
ership by firming up the family. Appar-

ently, the family can be strengthened
only by depriving women of equal sta
not only in the marker place but also in
relation to their own bodies (Thou shalt
not abort). That is why the defeat of the
Equal Rights Amendment to the Consti-
tution is of great symbolic importance.

Family Saviors also favor strong laws
designed, ostensibly, to curtail pornog-
raphy but actually intended to deny
freedom of speech to those that they
dislike.

Now, it is not possible for a govern-
ing class to maintain its power if there
are not hot buttons to push, A few
months ago, the “Giveaway of the Pana-
ma Canal” issue looked as though it were
going to be a very hot button, indeed.
It was thought that if, somehow, Ameri-
can manhood could be made to seem at
stake in Panama, there was a chance that
a sort of subliminal sexual button might
be pushed, triggering throughout the
land a howl of manly rage, particularly
from ladies at church receptions:
American manhood has never been an
exclusively masculine preserve. But, ul-
timately, American manhood (so recently
kneed by the Viet Cong) did not feel
endangered by the partial loss of a fair-
Jy dull canal, and so that button jammed.

The issue of Cuban imperialism also
seemed warm to the touch. Apparently,
Castro's invincible troops are now on the
march from one end of Africa to the
other. If Somalia falls, Mali falls; if Mali
falls. . . . No one cares. Africa is too far
away, while Cuba is too small and too
near to be dangerous.

In desperation, the nation’s ownership
has now gone back to the tried-and-true
hot buttons: Save our children, our fe-
tuses, our ladies rooms from the godless
enemy. As usual, the sex buttons have
proved satisfyingly hot.

•

But what do Americans actually think
about sex when no one is pressing a but-
ton? Recently, Time magazine polled a
cross section of the populace. Not sur-
prisingly, 61 percent felt that “it's get-
ting harder and harder to know what's
right and what's wrong these days.” Most
confused were people over 50 and under
25, Meanwhile. 76 percent said that they
believed that it was "morally wrong" for
a married man to be unfaithful to his
wife, while 79 percent thought it wrong
to cheat on her husband.

Sexual relations between teenagers
were condemned by 63 percent while 34
percent felt that a young man should be
a virgin on his wedding night or after-
noon. Nevertheless, what people consider
to be morally objectionable does not
seem to have much effect on what they
actually do: 55 percent of unmarried
women and 85 percent of unmarried
men admit to having had sex by the age

(continued on page 214)

Grin and Bare lit

playboy encores the siars who played around on our pages

SEX, CELEBRITIES and comedy have been important
ingredients throughout rLAvBov's 25-year history. We need
not remind anyone that Marilyn Monroe appeared in our
first issue. What many may not remember, however. is that
that first issue also contained a cartoon feature (Vip on Sex)
and a nude pictorial with humorous captions (An Open

Letter from California). Eventually, we hit upon blending
all three elements in one package, and the celebrity sex-
capade has become one of our more popular endeavors. As
an anniversary treat, we're encoring scenes from some

of those pictorials; if you're a longtime PLAYBOY reader,
there are sure to be a number of others that have tickled

In Sellers Mimes the Movie Lovers (April In Janvary 1970's The Goed, the Bod and A Lot of Clothing and The Missionary

1964), Peter Sellers portrays two of the Garlic, an Italian Western filmed in Position (righ!) are good ways to prevent
filmdom's unlikeliest lotharios: José Spain with on out-of-hock Japanese camera, lovemaking, advises Monty Python's Eric
Ferrer in Moulin Rouge (above) and the luckless Concetta tries to remove Idle in The Voticon Sex Manual, a November
Groucho Marx (above right), as well as Tony Randall's overripe poncha (below)— 1976 collection of 13 positions for avoiding

the legendary Velentino (preceding page). and wins a quick trip to Capezio Boot both sexual pleasure and the confessional.

your funny bone and tantalized your
libido. Between-the-scenes shootings
on movie sets have heen an especially
good source of big names, bodies
and belly laughs. Remember In Bed
with Becket (February 1964)? Shot
during the filming of Becket, it
showed us how Richard Burton,

Peter O'Toole and French actress
Veronique Vendell relaxed on the
set between takes: They went to bed,
that’s how. We've always wondered if
director Peter Glenville had any
trouble getting his stars back to the
script. Sean Connery and Jean
Seberg had some good clean fun in
Scan Connery Strikes Again! (July
1966) as they stirred things up in a
whirlpool bath during the making
of A Fine Madness. The late Zero
Mostel seemed to have a penchant
for choosing roles in movies that the
theatergoing public never saw, at
least in their original form. A sex-
comedy film called Fourplay was to
have had a segment in which Zero
and Estelle Parsons were forced to
hall on national TV in order to ran-
som their kidnaped daughter, Censors

180

Omar Sharit (right) plays Funny Girl's
Nicky Amstein in this scene from Omar
Acts Up (December 1968). Martin Mull
(below) shows us the wrong and the right
ways to bed a lady in Martin Mull' Guide
to Sophisticated Seduction July 1978).

In а seament of Fourplay (A
Comedy in Three Acts), about a
film that become Foreplay after a
1973 Supreme Court decision
caused the producers to delete
the sexier parts of the original
script, Pat Paulsen hos a little
trouble tuming on his life-sized
doll, played by Deborah Loomis,
as shown in our April 1974 issue
(above). He finally gets her go-
ing by tugging on her eor lobe,

Woody Allen combines two all-
time-fayorite activities—martial
arts ond sex—in our February
1969 pictorial Shindail about
the Japanese art of pillow
fighting (right) that is probably
оз old as the Orient itself.
Maybe even о week older.
Trickery is on important part
of the game strategy. Woody
manoges to get through it all
with his glasses unsteomed.

Imagine being surrounded by о
roomful of voluptuous, willing
women: That's what Peter Ustinov
is fantasizing in A Hypothetical
History of Harems (lef), a look
at what our lives would have
been like had seraclios supplant-
ed monogamy. In this shot from
our January 1965 fecture, Ali
Ben Ustinov prefers the distant
charms of a ptaysoy gatefold to
those displayed close at hond.

intervened and those scenes ap-

peared in PLAYBOY but not at

your local cinema. Many of the shots
from 32'-22"37" Meets 50"-17"-50"
(September 1969), in which Zero and
Julie Newmar shared a bubble bath,
were meant to be seen in Monsieur
Lecoq; the film was never finished
because of production problems. Woody
Allen has made several appearances

in PLAYEOY, as author, scriptwriter and
star. It's possible that none of his.
relatives have spoken to him since our
November 1967 publication of My
Family Photo Album, in which he told us

that “a family characteristic was the
craving to be trapped by muscular
women, held down and breaded like a
veal cutlet.” Still more weird sexual
fantasies were acted out in Woody's cine-
matic version of Dr. David Reuben's
best seller, Everything You Always
Wanted to Know About Sex. In the
film (and, not incidentally, in our
September 1972 feature), Allen de-
picted everyman's damp fantasies.

Lest you think we're resting on our
laurels, our cameras are already focusing
on still more stars doing their unin-
hibited best for future issues.

183

184

75А 75А GABOR, Actress

I don't think men will ever change.
For me, I like only a dominecring man,
a strong man. I love men and I love to
live with them, and my hope was always
to get a man stronger than I am. Once,
І was married 10 a weak man, a wonder-
ful, sweet, darling man. and for a long
time I was sorry I divorced him, because
he was so kind and nice, and that com-
pensated for his lack of strength. Maybe
he was too kind and sweet to be strong.
‘Then again, once I lived for years with
a very macho man who was wonderful
in sports but who was too demanding—
and who was really nothing but just a
male animal.

I don't know what I want. None of us
really know what we want. | mean,
when we get what we want, then we
don’t want it. We like variety like the
guys do.

But the women's movement hasn't
changed my sex life at all. It wouldn't.
dare.

SALLY QUINN, Journalist

Mest of my men friends would say
they thought women were equal, yes,
and they intellectually believe that, but

HAS WOMENS LIB
CREATED
A NEW MAN? :

emotionally, it is still hard for them to
accept. I find the contradiction all the
time: men saying one thing and behav-
ing another way. At a recent dinner
party, I sat between a Senator and a
famous columnist, and neither asked me
a single question about myself or talked
to me at all. My whole function was to
draw them out: What do you do? How
do you feel about this, Senator? How do
you feel about that?

Once men live with a woman who is
“liberated,” they see that the women’s
liberation is their liberation, and the
women’s independence is their inde-
pendence.

LAINIE KAZAN, Singer
Men have had to change; they had no
choice. It became inevitable that women

were going to be in power in certain
areas and that they'd have to be dealt
with.

Judging from my friends and the other
people I sce, women feel freer nowadays
to experiment sexually, to not be as at
tached to one human being. I don't
know whether that's good or bad. My
own sex life hasn't changed. I'm not a
promiscuous person, that's just my per-
sonal taste. I'm a one-man woman, even
it it’s only for a week.

Men's sex lives have changed: Wom-
сп are much more available. But maybe
that's inhibiting men. Maybe some men
can't handle the new aggressive attitude
of the new woman.

symposium compiled By ROBERT KERWIN

we asked 17 women—from marie osmond

to bianca jagger to zsa zsa gabor —if they
thought the movement had changed men and
gol—you guessed it —17 different answers

DR. HARRIET LEVE, Cofounder of
San Francisco’s Bisexual Center

We've always believed that women
were totally romantic and that love was
the main issue in their lives, and we al-
lc such a clear and distinct dif-
ferentiation between men and women.
What I'm striving for is not to have that
differentiation at all.

CAROL DODA, Topless dancer

Men have accepted the fact that wom-
en should be treated as equals in busi-
ness, but they have not accepted the
emotional part. Men are les aggres-
sive than they used to be. Since the

movement, men are afraid to relate,
afraid to show their [celings, afraid to
just be themselves.

Ifa man thinks that the movement has
intimidated him, he's been brainwashed,
and so it makes it difficult for me: If I'm
not aggressive toward a man, I might
never get anywhere. I'm tired of being
the aggressor. That's man's nature, not
mine. Sure, I think that women should
be aggressive sometimes, but ГЇ be
damned if 1 want to be that way all the
time! Nowadays, men don’t want to put
their feclings on the line. They're afraid.
of being hurt.

CHRISTINE JORGENSEN,
sexual
In my opinion, the movement is not

Trans-

strictly to liberate women, it's to liberate
men. For every liberated woman, there's
amore liberated man.

I think there've been more and more
dents made in all armors, not just in that
of the traditional male, Women still
want a man to be a man, yes, but they
don’t want him going around flexing his
muscles and shouting, "I'm a тап!”

The thing now is there are fewer frus-
trated women. Women now are more
capable of expressing their desires sex-
ually instead of being an old-time sub-
missive object. The old way wasn't much
fun for women, and probably wasn't
much fun for men, either.

Of course, there’s a differentiation be-
tween male and female, and I think it
will always be there. Vive la différence!

MARY MORGAN (MRS. BENJAMIN
SPOCK), Wife and staunch feminist

Please don't call me Mary Spock. Mary
Morgan is my name, and that symbolizes
that I still have my own identity. Ben
and I feel that I don’t want to be an
appendage.

See, there's a big difference between
being just nice and kind and polite to
women and in understanding the

185

PLAYBOY

injustice that has been happening to
women all these years. Ben sees the dif-
Terence, and if he hadn't got the message
loud and clear, I wouldn't have married
him. Ben was convinced how in a very
serious way his book contributed to wom-
en's being scripted to play roles.

The movement has altered people's sex
lives. Some women have found that they.
can have sexual relationships with differ-
ent men—and with women, too. I wholly
support the bisexuality of the movement
and I think it is very liberating. It offers
different options for women. It also
doubles a woman's chance for a date on
Saturday night.

Do women really need a man? Well, 1
have a shirt on right now and it say:
A WOMAN NEEDS A MAN LIKE A FISH NEEDS
A BICYCLE,

EILEEN FORD, Modcl-agency hcad and
wife

Well, my husband hasn't changed, he
hasn't been moved around by women's
liberation; he's as much a male-chauvin.
ist pig as ever.

Women aren't trying to make any
dents in the traditional male armor.
"They're in love with it. As far as I'm con-
cerned, any man a rational woman
would want is a man who can be classi-
fied as a male chauvinist. I don't want to
see my husband doing the laundry, the
dishes, I don't want my husband to take
over women’s functions. And I don’t
want to take over his.

It's simple: A man's got to be boss. A
man doesn’t want to be your shadow, and
shouldn't be. Because you lose respect for
and he loses respect for himself. And.
when a woman thinks she's boss, you
know what happens? The man is gonna
go out and find somebody who is warm
and loving and who wants a man. Don’t
let anybody tell you that marriage is a
two-way street, Marriage is a one-way
street, and it better be his.

Men were always free; why should they
change? Nowadays, they're just getting
more for nothing. I would say that, yes,
there’s been change: Men went from best
to better.

ABIGAIL VAN BUREN (“Dear Abby"),
Advice columnist

As far as men’s reactions being favor-
able to the movement, I'm stumped, It
could be, but 1 just don't know whether
men are favorable or whether they are
putting us on. I mean, how can we tell?

MARIE OSMOND,
former

I think men have changed in some
ays, but I really don't know. I think a

Television per-

186 man should still be a man and that a

woman should assume her proper role of
being a woman. I'm not saying that she’s
anything Jess by that. I'm saying tha
once a man thinks a woman is less, then
shame on him.

I don't need any organization to tell
me how to be a woman. I don't go along
with their views and I don't agree with
a lot of their beliefs, but I believe they've
made a dent to a certain extent to a
certain type of woman.

И a man and a woman share an equal
relationship, she should be behind him,
st him, not trying to be better
than he is. You know, you get a woman
out there trying to beat her husband, all
you get is a big bunch of tension.

PHYLLIS DILLER, Comedian

Men don't want to admit that they ve
had to change. They don't want to admit
they were ever unfair. But they were.
Men are hedging, but they're realizing
that they have to accept the fact that
women haye picked themselves up and
that things have changed.

I didn't change. I didn't have to. I've
always been liberated. Look at me, for
God's sake: I supported all the husbands
and all the children.

Tve changed my attitude toward men,
but not because of any movement. I
changed because I realized that 1 had
attracied two weak men to myself, and T
realize that 1 must never do that again.

What I like are thin. strong, tall,
men-men. Not macho men, that's phony.
І don't like muscles. 1 have no time for
the I'm-the-boss type. That's very un-
attractive. If you have to flaunt anything,
1 don't think it's real. Honey, if you've
got it, everybody knows it.

I can't imagine a woman not wanting
a normal relationship with a man. We
want a man who is very charismatic, very
gentle, gentle in bed, good sex, good out
in the world, and completely in control
of himself at all times. Why shouldn't
men be that way? Women have been do-
ing it for centuries.

MITZI GAYNOR, Performer

I should think that men would be hap-
py about the changes. It used to be a
man had to go through all that number
of making a date, and so on; now a girl
picks up the phone and says, “Hey, Tm
lonesome and I want you, lets get
cooking.”

Man by nature has always been in the
position where he brought home the
bread, he made the phone call, he was
the pursuer. Well, it ain't that way any-
more, and it’s hard for guys to adjust.

Men and women are different, that’s
all. A man can make love to a woman
and the second it's over, he's already

thinking he's gonna be late for the office;
the woman, she's dreaming all day how
wonderful it was. Men's bodies are con-
structed differently; A man is much
more—you should pardon the expres-
sion—up front than a woman is. It rakes
a lot more to arouse a woman, but it
takes very little if the man is in the mood.

What do women want? Women like to
depend on things, but they like to be
treated equally, too. Women are not scat-
terbrained and helterskelter, Women
like a nice home and a hearth and a slab.
of bacon by the stove. That's the truth. I
don't think women have changed very
much at all. Maybe the movement has
gone far enough. I don't know what's
going to happen or how much better
things are going to be; no matter how
you look at it, it's still a man's world.

BIANCA JAGGER, Jet setter

Things are changing. Women’s educa-
tion is changing. Change, not liberation;
I don’t like the words women's libera-
tion. What changes do I see in men's
behavior? To be honest, I think that
people treat you the way you allow them
to treat you, whether there's women's
liberation or not. If you allow people to
disrespect you, they will disrespect you
whether you belong to women's libera-
tion or not, Me, I don't allow disrespect.

What do I really want as a woman? I
want it all.

CLAUDIA JENNINGS, Actress

Men changed for the better? Во.
hitttttt! Men are lying a lot more, and
Im not Im more sure of myself since
the movement, I don't question myself
half as much as a man does. I'm always
on the soapbox lately about this subject
and people say, “Hey, Claudia, get off
the fanib soapbox,” and I say, “Shove
it up your ass.” I have no time for male
or female pretense.

What do I want? I want all the fairy
tales: a man who is bright, and into his
woman's work, a man who would sup-
port me emotionally as well as finan-
cially. 1 want somebody to pay the rent,
so I don't have to be pressured when I
go out to get a gig.

Sure, the sex lives of women have
changed. Absolutely. Women speak to
women much more openly nowadays—
sort of encouraging one another, and
finding out that we're not the only ones
who aren't having orgasms. Women have
always lied about sex, and many of them
are still lying: Convention says that if
you're married and you love the man,
you have a great sex life. Well, th
bullshi

Have men's sex lives changed? "They

(concluded on page 332)

“I'm sorry, but you're not the sort of man who reads PLAYBOY!”

THE GREAT
PLAYMATE HUNT

in what may have been the ор search party n history, we went looking
for that one very special woman and wound up with more than we had bargained for

At the peak of the 25th Anniver-
sary Playmate Hunt, a little old lady
called the Governors Inn near Ra
leigh, North Carolina, where pho-
tographer Bill Arsenault — was
receiving Playmate applicants. “May
I speak to Mr. Playboy?” she asked.
“Can you be more specific?” asked.
the hotel operator. "Yes," said the
lady, "Т want to speak to the Devil.”
“Im sorry? came the reply, "but
neither party is registered here.”
THAT LITTLE old lady notwithstand-
ing, nearly everybody loves Play-
mates. Ever since we unveiled
Marilyn Monroe as our first Play-
mate in 1953 (under the guise of
Sweetheart of the Month), we've tried.
to bring our readers a special kind of
girl in our centerfold—a person with
a rare, fresh sort of beauty that's al.
ways arresting Faced with the task of
finding our 25th Anniversary Play-
mate, we realized that we'd have to

make an extraordinary effort. We've
learned from experience that some of
the most beautiful women are some-
what shy; and because so many of
our Playmates in the past have said
they never would have posed nude
for any magazine other than
PLAYBOY, we knew that odds were
that our Playmate Perfect wouldn't
come to us unless she knew we were
looking for her.

"That's why last June, after months
of planning, we launched the most
massive search in our history to find
the right girl. First we placed an
advertisement in daily and college
newspapers in 28 cities that said, in
рагі: "PLAYBOY 15 SEARCHING FOR A
SPECIAL PLAYMATE. . . . The lucky
lady will receive a $25,000 modeling
fee and could represent PLAYBOY on
TV and in public appearance:
throughout our anniversary year!”
Those who consider themselves

тлүвоү Contributing Photographer David Chan interviews a Toronto applicant (above), as he sits at a desk covered with Polaroids
that were a fractian of a day's shooting there. While Chan was in Canada, we found Debra Selkirk, 24 (below), in New York. A native

Brooklynite (I'm more genuine than John Travolta,”

she told us), Debra recently became a Bunny in the New York Playboy Club.

It looked like the Boardwolk
in Atlontic City when the
Ploymate Hunt arrived ct the
Beverly Hilton in Los

Angeles. At right, Miki
Garcia, Director of

Playmate Promotions (left),
reviews о bevy of Southern
Colifornia Playmate hopefuls.

We discovered both of the lodies above north of the border. Dorothy Stratten, 18 (left), is a clerk-typist for the phone compony
Burnaby, British Columbia. Dorothy says she likes to weor “sexy clothes or none at oll." And you may have seen Sylvie Garant (ri
Toronto fashion model, on television lost year, when she wos a hostess for the now-defunct $128,000 Question quiz show. 189

Above, a shapely Kansas City miss
poses for Associate Pholography Editor
Jeff Cohen's Polaroid comera.

Los Angeles model K. C. Winkler,

22 (above left), was corralled

into the Hunt as she entered

the West Coast Playboy

Building on Sunset Boulevard

looking for our modeling
agency. Chicago's Liz Glozowsk

21 (above right), doubles as

a secretory and a model.

connoisseurs of PLAYBOY beauty were offered a finder’s fee of $2500 if they discovered our
anniversary lady for us. Each ad included a date when a rLAYBov photographer would be
coming to town to photograph the aspirants
The 28 cities we selected had reputations for producing beautiful women. Among them
were those you might expect: Los Angeles, New York and our home town, Chicago; but
there were others not so obvious, such as Knoxville, Tennessee, and Norman, Oklahoma. In the
South and vest, м sited Gainesville, Miami, Tallahassee, Lexington, Ralcigh,
‚ Kansas City (Missouri), Austin, Baton Rouge and San Antonio. In the Western states,
we visited Los Angeles, Portland, Seattle, Sacramento, San Diego, San Jose and Boulder. Among

Several mothers accampanied their doughters to the search, but few
were оз lovely os Deanna Tyndall (cbove left), who sun-bothed with
daughter Nancy at the Beverly Hilton. Zita Cullum, 23 (below), come
to the New York search clone but, оз you con see, well prepared.

Suzanne Sheridan, 21 (abave), a Miami discovery,

wants to trovel to Switzerland. Normon, Oklohomo's

Candy Loving, 21 (below), hos also been bitten by the travel
bug; she says she'd be happy to go anywhere.

lorida’s Deborah Boostram, 23 (abave),
is a waitress and a model in Clearwater. Denise
McConnell, 20 (right), is a genuine private

investigator in Oklahoma City. The guys below
were across the street from the balcony of the
Drake in New York where Hunt hopefuls posed

in bikinis. WABC-TV comeramen cought them
rating the girls. (With that view, who could work?)

rtarsoY Contributing Photographer Dwight Hooker
(above, with beard) interviews applicants for the
New York search at his Drake Hotel suite.

=
=
=
=
=

Midwestern cities, we also chose Minneap Milwaukee, Lincoln and Columbus. In the East,
we searched Washington, D.t ind Philadelphia, as well as New York, and to give Canadians
a chance to compete, we added Toronto.

Our teams moved into each city like a well-oiled machine; first, local media were alerted
to the team's imminent arrival; then, when our photographer arrived, he did two days of
nonstop interviews on television and radio. When the girls started calling PrAYBoY's hotel
suite for appointments, he and his assistants scheduled them for Polaroid picture sessions: a
diflerent candidate every ten minutes for the next four or five days. The Polaroids went back
to our home office in Chicago for screening by our photo editors. Three months, thousands of

lisa Kalison, 21 (above left),

is a native Chicagoan who
recently moved to LA, where
she manoges a law office.
Irvine, California's Michelle
Droke, 20 (above), is a dance
student in Costa Mesa, a direct
descendant of Sir Francis Drake,
ard obviously nobly endowed.

194

miles and 10,000 Polaroids later, we had not only discovered our Playmate Perfect but
rediscovered America as well.
.

We knew that PLAYROY was a popular magazine when we went out on our Playmate Hunt,
but we had no idea how popular. The welcome we received in nearly all of the cities we visited
was mind boggling. In all but a few cities, we received up-front articles in every local news-
paper—more than 130 articles in all—and local as well as network news shows ran film clips
of our photographers at work (with emphasis, naturally, on the subjects being photographed).

For the most part, the television coverage, though (text continued on page 208)

To kick off the New York
search, we convened a hot
group of Ploymates, Bunnies
and models in Centro} Park.
The lodies were hot becouse, as
you can see, they wore fur
coats. Playmates in evidence
include (from lef) Janis Schmitt,
Nicki Thomas, Debra Peterson
and Debra Jo Fondren.

louann Fernald (above lefi) is

а Mexican-Scottish beouty from
Gainesville who's a public-
relations major at Florida U. San
Diego's Amonda “Missy” Cleve-
land (above), who says “Hef

is the топ | most admire,” has
her heart on a trip to China
and a medeling career.

Above, PLAYBOY Editor-Publisher Hugh М.
Hefner (left) and Photo Editor Gary Cale
review phatos and slides of the finalists in the
conference roam at Playbay Mansion West.

PLAYMATE PERFECT

our 25th-anniversary
gatefold girl proves that candy is dandy

“PLAYBOY has glorified women, put us
on a pedestal. 1 certainly don't mind
that and 1 think if any woman is
honest with herself, she'll say the
same.” Above: genuine rock Candy.

“Ponca City was a great place

to grow up. Because it was small,
it made me feel secure. I love
Ponca, but I don't think ГЇЇ
ever go back there to live.

ENILEMEN, your attention,
please! The votes have been
tabulated and we have a win-
ner. And she is (dare we say

it?) as sweet to the eyes as her name is

оп our lips: Candy. Candy Loving.

PLAYBOY was almost three years old
when Candy was born in Oswego, Kan-
sas. The Playmate for September 1956
was Elsa Sorensen (remember Elsa, all
you collectors?) and Dwight Eisenhower
was running for election to his second
term.

When Candy was still a baby, her
parents moyed to Ponca City, Okla-
ho where she lived until four years
ago, when she left for the University of
Oklahoma in Norman, She's now а
senior, majoring in public relations.

Ponca Citys main industry is the
Continental Oil Company. Candy's
mother, Rosemary, has worked there
for years, along with a sizable portion
of Ponca City’s population; there are
oil tanks all around. The odor of oil

“I like for my man to be physically fit,
confident, intelligent and ensygoing.

But no matter who a man is or what he looks
like, I'll find him more attraclive if he's a

198 gentleman. I love to be treated like a lady.”

"T remember a couple of years ago reading in ‘Dear Playboy’ Play-
mate Janet Lupo's tips to girls with bis ists, one of which was
‘Don't play tennis’ I never forgot that, and I never play tennis.”

“I had such long, skinny legs in high school I
thought I looked funny. Then I developed breasts
and got teased all the time. I thought if the legs
weren't bad enough, now I've got these to deal
with. But it's worked out very well, actually.”

permeates the air. The main Saturday-
night activities are dragging Grand
Avenue and drinking copious amounts
of beer. When Candy was a student
at Ponca City Senior High, she had a
green Maverick with an ice chest in
the back and a tape deck that played
mostly Edgar Winter and The Beatles.
She was then, and is now, a lady of
uncomplicated tastes.

For example, she began reading her
boyfriends’ copies of PLAYBOY while
in high school, and has a surprisingly
good recall of the past six years’ Play-
mates. She was jealous of the gatefold
girls, of course (“I used to think,
Ooooh, they make me so sick!"), but
time heals all wounds.

On or about March 31, 1978, Candy,
encouraged by her family and friends,
arrived alone at nine A.M. at the
Ramada Inn in Norman, where As-

ant Photography Editor Michael
Beny was helping conduct the 25th
Anniversary Playmate Hunt. Candy
was Berry's first appointment of the
day, and from the way Candy de-
he knew right away he

wasn’t meeting just any old Okette.

“When Mike came to the door, I
didn't know what to expect, but there
he was, this cute guy with his hair
slicked back because he'd just stepped
out of the shower. He was kind of
sleepy, like he'd just gotten up. He
asked me in for colice and I asked
him if he had chocolate milk. He or-
dered some and we sat and talked for
about 40 minutes before he photo-
graphed (text concludedonpage334)

Sister Cari, 20(above right), is also an OU student. Candy, a senior at the University of Oklahoma,
Says Candy, “I've always been protective of Cari." spends a lot of time in the college library
Let us know if you tive of the assignment, Candy. (above) because “I enjoy the quiet.”

PLAYMATE DATA SHEET

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PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES

Waving the package in the face of the man-
ager of the well-stocked drugstore, the female
customer snapped, "I found this product I
bought here to be completely unsatisfactory!”

“What proved to be wrong?" asked the man-
ager. "Wouldn't your cat eat them?”

“Wh-wh-wh-what?" stammered the woman.
"You mean that Pussy Treats are intended
for cats?”

Years of struggle and patience finally paid off
for the immigrant couple when they were
sworn in as citizens, Аз they were leaving the
courthouse, the man exclaimed, “Think of it!
We're now Americans! Do you know what that
means, Conchita?

“Yes, Jaime, I do!" exulted Conchita. “To-
night you do the dishes and J get on top!”

Houses of ill fame are reportedly now accept-
ing a specialty credit card —Master Discharge.

Our Unabashed Dictionary defines fist fuck
as a knuckle ball.

Since a top-heavy maiden from Yonkers

Is equipped to make tit men go bonkers,
Poet Goldsmith nught say,
Were he living today,

That whenever she stoops, sir, she conquers!

While revenge may consist of seducing your
enemy's wife, sweet revenge is the realization
that she's a lousy lay.

lt hurts when I make love in the morning or
the afternoon,” the girl told the gynecologist,
“but not during the evening or late at night."

“Do you use different positions or lubri
cants at different times of the дау?” asked the
medical man.

No." replied his patient,
ferent partners.”

“but Ido use dif-

Cynicism among C.B. hookers has reached the
point where one of them is reported to have
said, “Never give a breaker an even suck!"

Our Unabashed Dictionary defines groupie as
a piece of the rock.

My wife seems to have developed some sort
of neurotic fixation that her collection of fur
coats will be stolen,” the man told the psy-
chiatrist. “When I came home early one day
last week, I found she had gotten someone to
guard them—and, in fact, stationed the poor
guy right in the closet.”

Perhaps you've heard about the wealthy nec-
rophile who had bier tastes on a champagne
budget,

A careless young virgin named Wright
Got drunk with her boyfriend one night.
She awoke in a snit
With her maidenhead split,
To be told that she sure had been tight.

Our Unabashed Dictionary defines vibrator as
a slot machine.

Ab, the romantic, farranging imagination of
youth!" gushed the woman
"How so?" asked her hairdresser.
“Just before my son and his girl drove off in
his van last Saturday, I overheard him say
something to her about maybe going around
the world in it!”

Letter received by a woman in Pittsburgh from
the National Sperm Bank in Prague: "Dear
Madam: "Thank you for your order, which has
just becn shipped by international parcel post.
Your Czech is in the mail."

When the police finally tracked down the
phantom obscene phone caller, he demanded
to speak with his attorney, who just happened
to be a woman. “Counselor Klein?" he inquired
when the connection was made. “Look, I've
just been booked at the Fourth Precinct, and
they've let me call you while I'm getting this
magnificent hard-on.

Heard a funny one lately? Send it on a post-
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY,
Playboy Bldg., 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago,
Ill. 60611. $50 will be paid to the contributor
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned.

рЬРҮВ

он

~ —
JONM
DUMPS

“Y'know something, sweetheart? PLAYBOY isn't the only
thing that's still great after twenty-five years.”

PLAYBOY

PLAYMATE HUNT (continued from page 194)

“This has been the most fun I've ever had, even if
I don't win. It was a very positive thing.”

sometimes humorous, was unabashedly
enthusiastic.

"The most noteworthy news spot of all
appeared on WABC-TV in New York.
Dwight Hooker was photographing Play.
mate hopefuls on the promenade-type
balcony outside his 20th-floor suite in
the Drake Hotel when office workers in a
building nearby spotted the parade of
young lovelies from their windows. As a
WABC reporter put it: "Business came
to a standstill.” Directly across from the
balcony, in a skyscraper that houses
the offices of the Federal Deposit Insur-
ance Corporation, a gaggle of men de
cided to make rating signs, numbered 1
to 20, which, with waving arms and
shouts of encouragement. they held up
to the window as each swimsuited ap-
plicant stepped out onto the balcony.
The television cameramen noticed the
signs (including a huge red-and-white
one saying ALL RIGHT!, displayed when a
particularly well-put-together lady ap-
peared) and focused on the FDIC office
windows between takes of Hooker and
the applicants. Spliced together with the
song A Pretty Girl Is Like « Melody,
the cuts from balcony to rating cards
made for hilarions viewing.

But the media coverage wasn’t all for
laughs. There was a smidgen of protest
to keep us on our toes. It came from four
women who claimed to represent the
National Organization for Women and
picketed Arsenault's hotel, The Carolina
Inn, for about a half hour the second
day after he arrived in Columbia, South
Carolina, “At onc point, there were
ally twice as many reporters and news
photographers covering the protest as
there were protesters,” Arsenault said,
"so it wasn't what you'd call a massive
demonstration.” Perhaps the protesters
couldn't instigate a boycott because they
misread the minds of the entrants, most
of whom already considered. themselves
liberated, А

But no one saw the search quite the.
way our own photographers did. For
nearly all of them, it was the most intense
job they'd ever done. David Chan did
interviews on eight radio stations in
"Toronto in a single day; by the sixth, he
was almost speechless from laryngitis.
Hot tea and honey in large doses enabled
him to whisper his way through the last
two interviews. Kerry Morris, after pho-
tographing nearly 100 girls daily for
three consecutive days in San Diego, was

208 "so punchy I could hardly stand." Ar-

senault, an intense and personable char
acter, wound up working some days from
ight A.M. to nine Р.М. without a break
or a meal Inevitably, he cune down
with a devastating cold in rainy Port-
land, but continued despite his red eyes,
stuffed-up. nose and fever to snap those
Polaroids every ten minutes.

Few of the girls we saw had all the
right quali for PLAYBOY, but our
photographers made a spe effort to
photograph cach applicant with equal
care. As Michael Berry put you'd sce
the excitement in the girls’ cyes and
you'd just want to be as friendly as pos-
sible.” When Arsenault was ed by 2
newspaper reporter in Portland what he
would do if a 500-pound woman came
in, he replied: “1 figure she might have a
500-pound boyfriend at home who thinks
she's beautiful. And who am I to shatter
her ego?"

And, indeed, most girls who came to
the search told us it was a great experi
ence. Cindy, a Raleigh, South Carolina,
entrant, said, “This has been the most
fun Гуе ever had in my Ше, even it 1
don't win. It was a very positive thin
A creative thing, Like art, Like poetry."
Sue Pagani, a 20-year-old Florida U coed,
said simply, “I came here out of pride,
to be able to say I've done it.” Many
women said they entered the Hunt only
because they were prodded or dared to
by friends or relatives. ("A lot of mothers
brought in their daughters," said Rill
Frantz; “so did a couple of fathers.) Ken
(Washington) News-Journal reporter Si
san Landgraf entered the Seattle search
herself just to get а first-person account,
but most other entrants had far less so-
phisticated reasons, One girl told Ar-
senault she had come because "I just
broke up with my boyfriend and his
last words to me were that I was a dog.
L just came down here to prove to my-
self that he's wrong."

Another entrant, а 19-year-old Florida
coed, told a University of Florida student
newspaper, The Alligator, “My mother
and grandmother would be angry if they
knew I was here. Just terrible, But my
dad would like it. He reads rraynoy all
the time.

Some entered out of the pure joy of
selLexpression, such as the girl inter-
viewed in this excerpt from a Seattle
Record-Chronicle article:

"Why do you want to pose for
FLAXBOY?" the reporter asks.

"Because I like to take my clothes
off," she answers.
“That's good?"

"Of course, People are always nice
to me when I take my clothes off.
They're always friendl

She smiles pleasantly. Her logic is
simple and flawless. You can't argue
with the truth

But perhaps the best example of Zen
Polaroid theater was an entrant who
rncd up among New York's 421 appli-
nts (tops for any city) whom Hooker
calmly refers to as The Snake Lady. She
arrived at his suite with her own prop—
а healthy boa constrictor that was
wrapped around her body. gallantly hold-
ing her handbag in its tail. “She wasn't
our Playmate,” Hooker recalls, "but it
was a very attractive snake.

A [ew came because they sought pub.
licity or a boost for their carcers in
entertainment. Such an applicant was a
Toronto stripper named Baby Honda
who, according to Chan, weighed mor
than 400 pounds stripped to the tail-
pipes. "I said.” Chan recalls,
you're already a performer, perhaps you
have a glossy you could give me? She
sisted I photograph her anyway." Cl
who is 5/5" and weighs 120 pounds in a
soaked parka, inscrutably photographed
her anyway. (Chan, by the way, swears
that when he started working at PLAYBOY,
he was 62" and weighed 220. “I've been
nearly 16 years with PtAYnov," he says
ruefully, “and look at me now.

The one reason for entering that more

s gave than апу other was—you

guessed it—the money. The second most
popular reason seemed to be prestige. “1
would be honored to be photographed by
PLAYBOY," many

rls told us. Perhaps
because their boyfriends or their fathers
or brothers read PLAYBOY, most of the
entrants said they'd always looked upon
PLAYBOY as the standard setter for femi.
nine beauty. Becky Lynch, 20, a qual-
ityverifications clerk for State Farm
Insurance, told The Kansas City Star she
remembers rLAYBov as always being
around her house during her childhood,
“AIL I wanted to do," she said, 5 be
as pretty as the girls in the magazine.”
Not infrequently, applicants са
after their shootings to ask our photog-
raphers and staff questions about make-
up, clothing and carriage

“At times,” said Berry, "I felt like a
one-man finishing school.”

Some girls were so aware of the kind
of beauty PrAvsoY looks for that they
became literally petrified once they
entered the shooting room. One girl
in Raleigh was so distraught she broke
out in hives; and in Kansas City, Jeff
Cohen had one applicant who “was so
nervous she couldn't stand up. 1 mean

(concluded on page 336)

emai

11721221327
РОТА
721711727

five emerging desi
create look-ahead looks

especially for playboy
attire BY BAVID PLATT

pR A SOMEWHAT subdued post-
Vietnam period, male attire has
progressed to richly creative and

liberated designs. With liberation comes
redefinition, and PLAYBOY asked five
emerging design talents to create for us.
their interpretations of the term elegance
as they sce it for the Eighties. Their pre-
dictions? A trend to relaxed dressing,
with an emphasis on fine natural fabrics
coupled with a looser silhouette. In other
words, nothing very uptight. Our predic-
tion? Tomorrow's styles should be terrific!

Alan Rosanes, a talented
fabric designer, often gets
his inspirations from rugged
outdoor weor. Here, he casts
his eye on the future with

а variation on poplin fish-
ing vest worn over a knit
shirt and multihued wool
worsted slacks. Rosanes also
favors fabrics thot have а
country flovor that con be
adapted to city comforts:
canvas, corduroy and flan-
nel, for example. He sees
this combinotion as "the new
American mood.” One that
"explores the unexpected.”

210

А raglan-sleeved pure-linen
blazer worn aver a sheer
cotton voile shirt and curved-
leg linen slacks is what
designer Ronald Kolodzie
visualizes as an example

af tomorrow's styles. He sees
“wider calar, fabric and
texture options” in the
Eighties and the male sil-
hovette taking its shape
from bady lines rather than
rigid construction. Koladzie
also thinks that "whether or
not you wear a tie is on
element of compasitian and
not a hard-and-fast rule.”

LEE WRIGRT

"The loose look of the
Seventies will continue into
the eorly Eighties,” says.
lee Wright, “then we'll see
а gradual retum to more
tailoring along the lines of
styles of the Thirties. It
was a time of strong, tough
elegonce—a reaction to the
Crash and the Great De-
pression. We've been going
through our own period of
economic decline and we'll
come out of it wanting
new, tough sophistication in
our clothes.” Example:

this wide-shoulder suit.

Jhane Barnes comments:
"For the Eighties, | see ele-
gance in sleeker silhouettes,
balder colors and the
smooth, slick feel of fobri-
cations. Clothes thot creote
а broad-shouldered ath-
letic look, such os the one
I've designed for this
feature, will be populor,
since the wedge shape is
very flottering to the male
body. The next decode, I
feel, will be on innovative
period in menswear design.
I'm looking forword to

the challenge it presents.”

ILLUSTRATIONS EY MARTIN HOFFMAN,

“People in the Eighties will
Turn to the things they have
come to love through the
years, those luxurious fabrics
that are slowly becoming
rarities in our everyday
lives," says Jeffrey Banks.
His contribution to our
designer collection: a full-
bodied alpaco double-
breasted coat with raglan
sleeves, to be worn over a
Harristweed jacket, plus
pleated slacks, a silk/poplin
Tottersoll-plaid shirt, a nar-
row cashmere tie, cashmere
socks and alligator pumps.

PLAYBOY

SEXISPOLITICS (continued om page 17)

“There is a lot of money out there on the evangelical
Christian circuit and much of it is tax-exempt.”

of 19 . . . no doubt, while jointly de-
ploring teenage immorality. A worldly
52 percent think it is not morally wrong
for an unmarried couple to live together.

Forty-seven percent thought that homo-
sexual relations were morally wrong; 43
percent thought that they were all right:
ten percent didn't know. Yet 56 percent
“would vote for Iegislation guaranteeing
the civil rights of homosexuals." AL
though a clear majority thought that fags
should be allowed to serve in the Army,
run for office, live where they choose,
Anita Bryant has done her work suff-
ciently well to deny them the right to
teach school (48 percent against, 44 per-
cent for) or be ministers (47 percent
against, 44 percent for).

Pornography continues to be the hot-
test of buttons: Seventy-four percent
want the Government to crack down on
pornographers. Meanwhile, 76 percent
think that that old devil permissiveness
“has Jed to a lot of things that are
wrong with the country these days."

Finally, 70 percent thought that “there
should be no laws, either Federal or
state, regulating sexual practice." Either
this can be interpreted as a remarkable
demonstration of live and let live (an
attitude notoriously not shared by the
current Supreme Court) or it can be
nothing more than the cynical wisdom of
our people who know from experience
that any area the Government involves
itself in will be hopelessly messed up.

Despite the tolerance of the 70 per-
cent, some 20 percent to 40 percent of
the population are moral absolutists, ac-
cording to the Kinsey Institute's soon-to-
be-published American Sexual Standards.
Fiercely, these zealots condemn promis-
cuity, adultery, homosexuality, masturba-
tion, long hair and fluoride. Out there
in the countryside (and in cities such as
St. Paul and Wichita), they are the ones
who most promptly respond to the poli-
in who pushes a scx button in order
to . . . what? Create an authoritarian
society? Keep the workers docile within
the confines of immutable marriage?
Punish sin? Make money? Money! There
is a lot of money out there on the evan-
gelical Christian circuit and much of it
is tax-exempt.

In the fall of 1977, the journalist An-
drew Kopkind visited Bensenville, Illi-
nois, in the heart of the heart of the
country, in order to study those roots of
grass that are now not only as high as an
elephanr's eye but definitely swaying to

214 the right. Save the Family is this year's

rallying cry. Since hardly anyone ever
openly questions the value of the family
in human affairs, any group that wants to
save this allegedly endangered institution
is warmly supported.

But to the zealots of what Kopkind
calls the New Right, saving the family
means all sorts of things not exactly con-
nected with the nuclear family. Kopkind
covered that Family Saviors support
“the death penalty, Lactrile, nuclear
power, local police, Panama Canal, sac-
charine, FBI, CLA, defense budget, pub-
lic prayer and realestate growth.”

Family Saviors view darkly “busing,
welfare, publicemployee unions, affirma-
tive action, amnesty, mari
munes, gun control, pornography, the
55.mph speed limit, day-care centers, re-
sex education, car
pools and the Environmental Protection
Agency.” Kopkind believes that those
attitudes are fairly spontaneous. He is
probably right—up to a point. To get
Americans to vote constantly against
their own interests, however. requires
manipulation of the highest order, and
it starts at birth in these remarkably
United States and never ends.

Until recently, it had not occurred to
anyone that a profamily movement
might be politically attractive. Our dem-
agogs usually concentrate on communism
versus Americanism, But Nixon's jaunts
to Peking and Moscow diminished com-
munism as an issue. Those trips also
served to remind Americans that we are
a fragile minority in a world where the
majority is Marxist. Although commu-
nism is still а button to be pressed, it
tends to tepidity.

On the other hand, to zccuse your
opponent of favoring any of those
cious forces that endanger the family is
to do him real harm. In the past 18
months, Family Saviors have been re-
markably effective. They have defeated
equalrights ordinances for homosexual-
ists in Dade County, St. Paul, Wichita,
Eugenc; obliged the House of Represent-
atives to reverse itself on an anti-abor-
tion bill; stalled (for a time) the Equal
Rights Amendment, and so on. Sex is
the ultimate politics and very soon, one
way or another, every politician is going
to get—as it were—into the act.

Officially, our attitudes toward sex de-
rive from the Old and New Testaments,
Even to this day, Christian fundamental-

ists like to say that since every single
word in the good book is absolutely truc,
every one of God's injunctions must be
absolutely obeyed if we don't want the
great plains of the republic to be stud-
ded with pillars of salt or worse. Actual-
ly, even the most rigorously literal of
fundamentalists pick and choose from
Biblical texts. The authors of Leviticus
proscribe homosexuality—and so do all
good Christers. But Leviticus also pro-
scribes rare meat, bacon, shellfish and the
wearing of nylon mixed with wool. If
Leviticus were to be obeyed in every in-
stance, the garment trade would collapse.

The authors of the Old and New Tes-
taments created not only a religious an-
thology but abo a political order in which
man is woman's cternal master (Jewish
men used to pray, "I thank thee, Lord,
that thou hast not created me a woman").
"The hatred and fear of women that runs
through the Old Testament (not to men-
tion in the pages of our justly admired
Jewish novelists) suggests that the patri-
archal principle so carefully built into
the Jewish notion of God must have been
at one time opposed to a powerful and
perhaps competitive matriarchal system.
"Whatever the original reasons for the
total subordination of woman to man,
the result has been an unusually ugly re-
ligion that has caused a good deal of suf-
fering not only in its original form but
ako through its later heresy Christianity,
which in due, and iro course was to
spin off yet another heresy, communism.

The current wave of Christian religi
osity that is flowing across the republi
like an oil slick has served as a reminder
to women that they must submit to their
husbands. This is not easy, as twice-born
Anita Bryant admits. She confesses to a
tendency to “dump her garbage” all over
her husband and master and employee,
Bob Green. But she must control her-
self: “For the husband is the head of
the wife, even as Christ is the head of the
Church." Ephesians 5:23. Anita also
knows that because of woman's disobc-
dience, the prototypes of the human race
were excluded from the Garden of Eden.

Brooding on the Old Testament’s dis-
like of women, Freud theorized that an
original patriarchal tribe was for a time
replaced by a matriarchal tribe that was
then overthrown by the patriarchal
Jews: The consequent "re-establishinent
of the primal father in his historic rights
was a great step forward.” This specula-
tiye nonsense is highly indicative of the
way that a mind as shrewd and as origi-
nal as Freud's could not conceive of a
good (virtuous?) society that was not
dominated by man the father.

“What do women want?" Freud once
asked, plaintively. Well, Sigmund, they
want equality with men. But that

(continued on page 344)

“Relax, my dear, Рт also going to stuff your stocking."

the author of "interview with the vampire"
reveals for the first time an all-too-human
aspect of her singular subject

In the book "Interview with the Vam-
pire,” Louis, who has been a member of the living dead for
some 200 years, tells the story of his life to the interviewer, a
young radio reporter in San Francisco.

But the book as published represents only a portion of the
tapes of that interview made by the reporter. Louis told the
young man much that was not included, particularly with
regard to the master vampire, Armand, whom he had met in
Paris. One tale was Armand's account of his methods of seduc-
tion; that is, the art of the vampire at its peak in the year 1876.

ARMAND'S LESSON: As I've told you, Louis, each vampire selects
his victims in his own way. 'The world is a veritable wilderness
of singular beauties and each night too precious to allow for the
slightest waste. Each night is a wedding, really, and the vampire

PHOTOGRAPHY BY PHILLIP DIXON
PRODUCED BY MARILYN GRABOWSKI

SETS BY GET SET INCORPORATEO

"The world isa veritable wilderness of singular beauties and each night is too
precious to allow for the slightest waste. Each night is a wedding."

"Imagine her

splendid terror and
how easily it melts

to languor in my
arms. She is meek,
pliant, on the

verge of some
awesome awakening.”

is, wed to the unique and alluring
charms of that victim as surely as he
is wed to that victim's life. You hold
the spirit incarnate in your arms.

For some of us, monstrous breed
that we are, and such a discerning
and voracious company, it is the
struggle that holds the quintessential
fulfillment, the thrashing of the wan-
ing lover seems to soothe the preter-
natural soul. This is nonsense, really.
"These innocent and unsuspecting
victims can't really struggle against a
power such as our own. What lurks
beneath these gentlemanly trappings
is a strength that is unconquerable.
Yet there are vampires who crave the
semblance of battle, saying that it is
the human spirit they love, its endur-
ance, its faith.

I have no taste for violence, volup-
tuous as it may sometimes appear. It
is the seduction that is perfectly in
tune with this monster’s heart. But do
not mistake my meaning. It is not I
who seduce the lovely beauties whom
I take as my brides. It is they who se-
duce me through their dreams.

You sce, they all want the embrace.
There (text continued on page 388)

“There is something melancholy, sad about her nestled among the trinkets
of her mortal life, the soft bed, her loose and fragrant garments,

remnants of girlhood, she sleeps with the trusting sleep of the child.

I tell you, if I were not the monster, I would be touched.”

P
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"Let her wake just a little to the crude
world of lamps and torn realities. Let

AY her see her demon lover. Let her see

X these eyes adoring her. Let her know

1 that in serving me she will make me
fs 4

utterly and completely her slave.”

"Look at that superb young form; what does it cry for if not another woman equally as
beautiful, if not the craft of another ladylove, supple, scented and schooled by me?
She always waits for what is always best when shared. This is a dance for three."

226

PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARIO CASILLI

UP FOR THE COUNT

Above: Count Dracula, we presume? And
dressed to the teeth in a satin striped cotton vel-
vet single-breasted jacket, $185, wom with a
double-breasted vest with shawl collar and
angled pockets, $45, stroight-legged mohair
trousers, $90, and silk adjustable bow tie,
$15, all by Gil Truedsson for Tiger of Sweden:
plus a polyester/cotton dinner-jacket shirt with
wing collar, piqué bib front and French cuffs,
from After Six Accessories, $18.

Opposite: Lock up your girlfriends—ond put
garlic at your doors and windows, guys—
George Hamilton is stepping out for the evening
in a cashmere chesterfield coat, from Dimitri
Couture, $850; three-piece dinner-jacket suit,
by Pierre Cardin for Intercontinental Apparel,
$265; polyester/catton shirt with wing collar,
by Eagle for Pierre Cardin, $30; rayon bow
tie, by Sheridan far Pierre Cardin, $8.95;

and silk scarf, by Eric Ross, about $35.

attire
By DAVID PLATT

fresh from his

dracula movie spoof,

“love at first bite,”
eorge hamilton finds
he can reall

sink his teeth into

the black-tie look

NOW THAT you've checked out
Interlude with the Undead
on the preceding pages and
learned everything you al-
ways wanted to know about
the sex life of a vampire but
were afraid to ask, we
thought you'd like to see
what the well-dressed fiend
wears when he steps out on
the town. Our model, of
course, is George Hamilton,
who's photographed in black
tie on the movie set of his
new spoof of the Dracula leg-
end, Love at First Bite. We
chose Hamilton because vam-
pires, being night people, dig
black tic—and so do more
males these days. Not only
does going black tie make
feel terrific but the look
nicely complements today's
ultrachic female evening
wear. If you're feeling devil-
ish, wear your black-tie outfit
with a slight Dracish sneer.
Neck biting is optional.

PLAYBOY

IFOUNTWAIINIS OIF PARADISE (continued from page 168)

“Morgan’s Folly, some of his peers had dubbed the
bridge; what would they call his latest dream?”

Now Morgan could understand one of
the chief mysteries of Yakkagala. It was
not how the frescoes were painted—a
scaffolding of bamboo could have taken
care of that problem—but why. Once
they were completed, no one could ever
have seen them properly; from the gal-
lery immediately beneath, they were
hopelessly foreshortened—and from the
base of the Rock, they would have been
no more than tiny, unrecognizable
patches of color. Perhaps, as some һай
suggested, they were of purcly religious
or magical significance—like those Stone
Age paintings found in the depths of
almost inaccessible caves.

The high, yellow-plastered wall gave
way to a low parapet, and Morgan
could once more see the surrounding
countryside. There below him lay the
whole expanse of the pleasure gardens
and, for the first time, he could appre-
ciate not only their huge scale (was
Versailles larger?) but also their skillful
planning and the way in which the moat
and outer ramparts protected them from
the forest beyond.

No onc Кисм what исе» and иш»
and flowers had grown here in Kali-
dasa's day, but the pattern of artificial
lakes, canals, pathways and fountains
was still exactly as he had left it. As he
looked down on those dancing jets of
water, Morgan suddenly remembered a
quotation from the previous night's
commentary:

From Taprobanc to paradise is
40 leagues; there may be heard the
sound of the fountains of paradise.

He savored the phrase in his min
the fountains of paradise. Was Kalidasa
trying to create, here on Earth, a garden
fit for the gods, in order to establish his
claim to divinity? If so, it was no won-
der that the priests had placed a curse
upon all his work.

At last, the long gallery, which had
skirted the entire western face of the
Rock, ended in another steeply rising
stairway—though this timc, the steps
were much more generous in size. But
the palace was still far above, for the
stairs ended on a large plateau, obvi-
ously artifi Here was all that was
left of the gigantic, leonine monster
that had once dominated the landscape
and struck terror into the heart of every-
one who looked upon it. For springing
from the face of the Rock were the paws
of a gigantic, crouching beast; the claws

228 alone were half the height of a man.

Nothing else remained, save yet an-
other granite stairway rising up through
the piles of rubble that must once have
formed the head of the creature. Even
in ruin, the concept was awe-inspiring.
Anyone who dared approach the king's
ultimate stronghold had first to walk
through gaping jaws.

‘The final ascent up the sheer—indeed,
slightly overhanging—face of the cliff
was by a series of iron ladders, with
guardrails to reassure nervous climbers.
But the real danger here, Morgan had
been warned, was not vertigo. Swarms of
normally placid hornets occupicd small
caves in the Rock, and visitors who made
too much noise had sometimes disturbed
them, with fatal results.

Abruptly, the climb was over, Morgan
found himself standing on a small island
floating 200 meters above a landscape
of trees and fields that was flat in all
directions except southward, where the
central mountains broke up the horizon.
He was completely isolated from the
rest of the world, yet felt master of all
he suryeyed; not since he had stood
among the clouds, straddling Europe
and África, had he known such a mo-
ment of aerial ecstasy. This was, indeed,
the residence of a god-king, and the
ruins of his palace were all around.

Almost forgetting time, Morgan
roamed among the foundations of the
palace that had once crowned the Rock.
He tried to enter the mind of the archi-
tect, from what he could see of his sur-
viving handiwork; why was there a
pathway here? Did this truncated flight
of steps lead to an upper floor? If this
coffinshaped recess in the stone was a
bath, how was the water supplied and
how did it drain away?

He had virtually completed his explo-
ration of the ruins—though one could,
of course, spend a lifetime investigating
them in detail. He was happy to rest for
a while, on a beautifully carved granite
bench at the edge of the 200-meter drop,
overlooking the entire southern sky.

Morgan let his eyes scan the distant
line of mountains, still partly conccaled
by a blue haze that the morning sm
had not yet dispersed. As he examined it
idly, he suddenly realized that what he
had assumed to be a part of the cloud-
scape was nothing of the sort. That
misty cone was no ephemeral construct
of wind and vapor; there was no mis-
taking its perfect symmetry, as it tow-
ered above its lesser brethren,

For a moment, the shock of recognition

emptied his mind of everything except
wonder—and an almost superstitious
awe, He had not realized that one
could see the Sri Kanda, the sacred
mountain, so clearly from Yakkagala.
But there it was, emerging from the shad-
ow of night, preparing to face a new
day; and, if he succeeded, a new future.
He knew all its dimensions, all its
geology; he had mapped it through
stereophotographs and had scanned it
from satellites. But to sce it for the first
time, with his own eyes, made it sud-
denly real; until now, everything had
been theory. And sometimes not even
that; more than once, in the small gray
hours before dawn, Morgan had awaken
from nightmares in which his whole
project һай appeared as some prepos-
terous fantasy, which, far from bringing
fame, would make him the laugh-
ingstock of the world. Morgan's Folly,
some of his peers had dubbed the bridge;
what would they call his latest dream?

FILAMENT

“You nearly gave me a heart attack,”
said Rajasinghe accusingly, as he poured
the morning coffee. “At first, I thought
you had some antigravity device—but
even I know that’s impossible. How did
you do

“My apologies" Morgan answered
with a smile. “If I'd known you were
watching, I'd have warned you—though
the whole cause was «шу un-
planned. I'd merely intended to take a
scramble over the Rock, but then I got
intrigued by that stone bench. I won-
dered why it was on the very edge of the
cliff and started to explore.”

“There’s no mystery about it. At one
time, there was a floor—probably
wood—extending outward, and steps
leading down to the frescoes from the
summit. You can still see the grooves
where it was keyed into the rock face.”

“So I discovered,” said Morgan a little
ruefully, “I might have guessed that
someone would have found that out
already.”

Morgan had now produced the metal
box that had allowed him to perform
his miracle. Its only features were a few
press buttons and a small readout panel;
it looked for all the world like some
form of simple communications device.

“This is it," he said proudly. "Since
you saw me make a hundred-meter ver-
tical walk, you must have a very good
idea how it operates.”

“Common sense gave me one answer,
but even my excellent telescope didn't
confirm it. I could have sworn there was
absolutely nothing supporting you.”

“That wasn't the demonstration I'd
intended, but it must have been effec-
tive. Now for my usual sales pitch—please
hook your finger through this ring.”
Rajasinghe hesitated; Morgan was

gu, ті WAS CALLED
T endo? f ё
Пе а xA

WHA IT WAS CALLE? “GETING LAID“
i QD IT. ang

PLAYROY

230

holding the small metal torus—about
twice the size of an ordinary wedding
ring—almost as if it were electrified.

"Will it give me a shock?" he asked.

“Not a shock—but perhaps a surprise.
‘Try to pull it away from me."

Rather gingerly, Rajasinghe took hold
of the ring—then almost dropped it.
For it seemed alive; it was straining
toward Morgan—or, rather, toward the
box that the engineer was holding in
his hand. Then the box gave a slight
whirring noise and Rajasinghe felt his
finger being dragged forward by some
mysterious force. Magnetism? he asked
himself. Of course not; no magnets
could behave in this fashion. His tenta-
tive but improbable theory was correct:
indeed, there was really no alternative
explanation. They were engaged in a
perfectly straightforward tug of war—
but with an invisible rope.

Although Rajasinghe strained his eyes,
he could see no trace of any thread or
wire connecting the ring through which
his finger was hooked and the box that
Morgan was operating like a fisherman
reeling in his catch. He reached out his
free hand to explore the apparently
empty space, but the engineer quickly
knocked it away.

"Sorry!" he said. “Everyone tries that,
when they realize whats happening.
You could cut yourself very badly.”

“So you do have ап invi
Clever—but what use is it, except for
parlor tricks?"

Morgan gave a broad smile. "I can't
blame you for jumping to that conclu
sion; it's the usual reaction. But it's
quite wrong; the reason you can't see
this sample is that it's only a few mi-
crons thick. Much thinner than a
spider's web.”

“That’s—incredible. What is it?”

“The result of about two hundred
years of solid-state physics. For whatever
good that docs, it's a continuous pscudo-
one-dimensional diamond crystal—
though it’s not actually pure carbon.
There are several trace elements, in
carefully controlled amounts. It can be
mass-produced only in the orbiting fac-
tories, where there's no gravity to inter-
Геге with the growth process."

“Fascinating,” whispered Rajasinghe,
almost to himself. He gave little tugs on
the ring hooked around his finger, to
test that the tension was still there and
that he was not hallucinating. “I can
te that this may have all sorts
ical applications. It would make
cheese cutter-

Morgan laughed. “One man can bring
a tree down with it, in a couple of min-
utes. But it's tricky to handle—even
dangerous. We've had to design special
dispensers to spool and unspool it—we
call them spinnerettes.”

Almost reluctantly, Rajasinghe un-

hooked his finger from the ring. It
started to fall, then began to pendulum
back and forth without visible means of
support, until Morgan pressed a button
and the spinnerette reeled it in with a
gentle whir.

"You haven't come all this way, Dr.
Morgan, jus to impress me with this
latest marvel of science—though 1 am
impressed. 1 want to know what all this
has to do

А very great deal, Mr. Ambassador,”
answered the engineer, suddenly equally
serious and formal. "You are quite cor-
rect in thinking that this material will
have many applications, some of which
we are only now beginning to foresee.

"And onc of them, for better or for
worse, is going to make your quiet little
island the center of the world. Not mere-
ly the world. The whole Solar System,

“Thanks to this filament, Taprobane
will be the steppingstone to all the plan-
ets. And опе day, perhaps—the stars.

THE ULTIMATE BRIDGE

Professor Paul Sarath and Maxine
Duval were two of his best and oldest
friends, yet until this moment, they had
never met nor, as far as Rajasinghe
Knew, even communicated. There was
little reason why they should; no one
outside Taprobane had ever heard of
Professor Sarath, but the whole Solar
System would instantly recognize Max-
ine Duval, either by sight or by sound.

His two guests were reclining in the
library's comfortable lounge chairs,
while Rajasinghe sat at the main console.
They were all staring at the fourth fig-
ure, who was standing motionless.

Too motionless. A visitor from the
past, knowing nothing of the everyday
electronic miracles of this age, might
have decided after a few seconds that he
was looking at a superbly detailed wax
dummy. However, more careful exami
nation would have revealed two dis
concerting facts. The “dummy” was
transparent enough for highlights to be
clearly visible through it; and its feet
blurred out of focus a few centimeters
above the carpet.

"Do you recognize this man?" Raja-

inghe asked.
"I've never seen him in my life,”
Sarath replied instantly. "He'd better
be important, for you to have dragged
me back from Maharamba, We were just
about to open the Relic Chamber.”

"I had to leave my trimaran at the
beginning of the Lake Saladin races,”
said Maxine, her famous contralto voice
containing just enough annoyance to put
anyone les thickskinned than Sa
neatly his place. “And I know him,
of course. Does he want to build a bridge
from Taprobane to Hindustan?

Rajasinghe laughed. “Is Dr. Morgan
a friend?”

Ive met him—oh, three or four
times. We did a special interview when
the bridge was completed. He's a very
impressive characte

Coming from Maxine Duval, thought
Rajasinghe, that was tribute, indeed.
For more than 30 years, she had been
perhaps the most respected member of
her exacting profession and had won
every honor that it could offer. The
Pulitzer Prize, the Global Times Tro-
phy, the David Frost Award—these were
merely the tip of the iceberg. And she
had only recently returned to active work
alter two years as Walter Cronkite Pro-
fessor of Electronic Journalism at
Columbia.

All this had mellowed her, though it
had not slowed her down. She was no
longer the sometimes fiery chauvinist
who had once remarked: “Since women
are better at producing babies, presum-
ably nature has given men some talent
to compensate. But for the moment, 1
can't think of it.

Of her femininity, there had never
been any doubt; she had been married
four times and her choice of REMs was
famous. Whatever their sex, Remotes
were always young and athletic, so that
they could move swiftly despite the en-
cumbrance of up to 20 kilos of commu-
nications gear. Maxine Duval's were
invariably very male and very handsome;
it was an old joke in the trade that all
her KEMs were also RAMs. The jest
was completely without rancor, for even
her fiercest professional rivals liked Max-
ine almost as much as they envied her.

Rajasinghe released the Pause button
on the projector and the frozen statue
came instantly to life.

"My name is Vannevar Morgan. 1 am
chief engineer of Terran Construction's
Land Division. My last project was the
Gibraltar Bridge. Now I want to talk
about something more ambitious.”

Rajasinghe glanced round the room.
Morgan had hooked them, just as he had
expected.

He leaned back in his chair and waited
for the now familiar, yet still almost un-
believable, prospectus to unfold.

“The Space Age is almost two hun-
dred years old. For more than half that
time, our civilization has been utterly
dependent upon the host of satellites
that now orbit Earth.

"Global communications, weather
forccasting and control, land and ocean
resources banks, postal and information
services—if anything happened to thei
space-borne systems, we would sink back
into a dark age and most of the human
race would be dead within a week.

“And looking beyond the Earth, now
that we have self-sustaining colonics on
Mars, Mercury and the Moon, and are
mining the incalculable wealth of the

(continued on page 359)

PLAYBOY

230

holding the small metal torus—abou
twice the size of an ordinary weddin
ring—almost as if it were electrified.

“Will it give me a shock?” he asked,

“Not a shock—but perhaps a surpris¢
‘Try to pull it away from me."

Rather gingerly, Rajasinghe took hol
of the ring—then almost dropped it
For it seemed alive; it was strainin|
toward Morgan—or, rather, toward th
box that the engineer was holding is
his hand. Then the box gave a sligh
whirring noise and Rajasinghe felt hi
finger being dragged forward by som
mysterious force, Magnetism? he asker
himself, Of course not; no magnet
could behave in this fashion, His tenta
tive but improbable theory was correct
indeed, there was really no alternativ,
explanation, They were engaged in |
perfectly straightforward tug of war—
but with an invisible rope.

Although Rajasinghe strained his eyes
he could sce no trace of any thread о
wire connecting the ring through whicl
his finger was hooked and the box tha
Morgan was operating like a fisherman
reeling in his catch. He reached out hi
free hand to explore the apparenti;
empty space, but the engineer quickl
knocked it away.

"Sorry!" he said. “Everyone tries that
when they realize what's happening
You could cut yourself very badly.”

"So you do have an invisible wire
Clever—but what use is it, except fo}
parlor wicks?”

Morgan gave a broad smile. “I can’
blame you for jumping to that conclu
si it's the usual reaction. But it
quite wrong; the reason you can't se
this sample is that it's only a few mi
crons thick. Much thinner than i
spider's web."

“That’s—incedible. What is it?”

“The result of about two hundrec
years of solid-state physics. For whateve
good that does, it’s a continuous pseudo
one-dimensional diamond crystal
though it’s not actually pure carbon
There are several trace elements, ix
carefully controlled amounts. It can be
mass-produced only in the orbiting fac
tories, where there's no gravity to inter
fere with the growth process.”

“Fascinating,” whispered Rajasinghe
almost to himself. He gave little tugs or
the ring hooked around his finger, tc
test that the tension was still there anc
that he was not hallucinating, "I саз
appreciate that this may have all sort
of technical applications. It would make
a splendid cheese cutter”

Morgan laughed. “One man can bring
a tree down with it, in a couple of min
utes. But it's tricky to handle—ever
dangerous. We've had to design specia
dispensers to spool and unspool it—wr
call them spinnerettes.”

Almost reluctantly, Rajasinghe un

fiction

By John Updike

on her knees, she seemed
a plump little steed, long
hair swinging, soft breasts
swaying, and behind, her
uncurly pubic hair mak-
ing a kind of nether mane

SHE TOLD нім with a little ges-
ture he had never seen her use
before. Joan had called from
the station. having lunched,
Richard knew, with her lover.
It was a Saturday, and his older
son had taken his convertible;
Joan’s Volvo was new and for
se minutes refused t0 go
into first gear for him. By the
time he had reached the center
of town, she had walked down
the main street and up the hill
D to the green, It was September,
h leafy and warm. yet with a crys

tal chill on things, an uncanny
clarity. Even from a distance
they smiled to see cach other.
She opened the door and seated
herself, fastening the safety belt
to silence its chastening buzz.
Her face was rosy from her

. her city clothes looked
ike a costume, she carried a
small package or two, token of
her “shopping.” Richard tried
to pull a U turn on the narrow

= street, and in the long moment
=. of his halting and groping for
» reverse gear, she told him.
“Darley,” she said and, oddly,
tentatively, soundlessly, tapped
the fingers of one hand into
= the palm of the other, a ges

n a child's dap of glee
n adult's signal for atten-
I've decided to kick you
out. going to ask you to
leave town"

Abruptly full, his heart
thumped; it was what he
wanted. "OK," he said care-
fully. “If you think you can
manage" He glanced at her
rosy, alert [ace to see if she
meant it; he could not believe
she did. A red, white and

Ius RATIO BY KATHY CALDERWOOD:

PLAYBOY

blue mail truck that had braked to a
stop behind them tapped its horn, more
reminder than rebuke; the Maples were
known in the town. They had lived here
most of their married life.

Richard found reverse, backed up,
completed the turn, and they headed
home, skimming. The car, so new and
stiff, in motion felt high and light, as if.
it, too, had just been vaporized in her
little playful clap. “Things are stagnant,”
she explained, "stuck; we're not going
anywhere."

"I will not give her up," he interposed.

“Don't tell me, you've told me.

“Nor do I see you giving him up.

“I would if you asked. Are you asking?”

“No. Horrors. He's all I've got.”

“Well, then. Go where you want, I
think Boston would be most fun for the
kids to visit, And the least boring for

agree. When do you sec this hap-
реп Her profile, їп the side of her
vision, felt brittle, about to break if he
said a wrong word. too rough a word.
He was holding his breath, t to stay
up, high and light, like the car. They
went over the bump this side of the
bridge; cigarette smoke jarred loose from
Joan's face.
soon as you can find a place,” she
said. “Next week. Is that too soon?”

“Probably.”

“Is this too sad? Do I seem brutal to

“No, you seem wonderful, very gentle
and just, as always. It's right. It's just
something I couldn't do myself. How can
you possibly live without me?”

In the edge of his vision her face
tumed; he turned to see, and her ex-
pression was mischievous, brave, flushed.
They must have had wine at lunch.
“Easy,” Joan said. He knew it was a bluff,
a brave gesture; she was begging for re-
prieve. But he held silent, he refused to
argue, This way, he had her pride on
his side.

The curves of the road poured by,
mailboxes, trees, some of which were al-
ready scorched by the turn of the year.
He asked, "Is this your idea, or his?"

“Mine. It came to me on the train. All
Andy said was, I seemed to be feeding
you all the time.”

Richard had been sleeping, most nights,
in the weeks since their summer of sep-
arated vacations, in a borrowed seaside
shack two miles from their home; hc
tried to sleep there, but cach evening, as
the nights grew longer, it seemed easier,
and Kinder to the children, to cat the
dinner Joan had cooked. He was used to
her cooking; indeed, his body, every cell,
was composed of her cooking. Dinner
would lead to a postdinner drink, while
the children (two were off at school, two

234 were still homebound) plodded through

their homework or stared at television,
and drinking would lead to talking, con-
fidences, harsh words, maudlin tears and
an occasional uxorious collapse upward,
into bed. She was right; it was not
healthy, nor progressive. The 20 years
were by when it would have been con-
venient to love cach other.
е

He found the apartment in Boston on
the second day of hunting. The real-
estate agent had red hair, a round bottom.
and a mask of make-up worn as if to
conceal her youth. Richard felt happy
and scared, going up and down stairs
behind her. Wearier of him than he was
she fidgeted the key into the lock,
bucked the door open with her shoulder
and made her little openhanded gesture
of helpless display,

The floor was neither wallao-wall shag
nor splintered wood, but bladcand-
white tile, like the floor in a Vermeer;
he glanced to the window, saw the sky-
scraper and knew this would do. The
skyscraper, for years suspended in a fa-
mous state of incompletion, was a beau-
tiful disaster, famous because was a
disaster (glass kept falling from it) and
disastrous because it was beautiful: The
architect had had a vision. He had
dreamed of an invisible building, though
immense; the glass was meant to reflect
the sky and the old low brick skyline of
Boston, and to melt into the sky. In-
stead, the windows of mirroring glass
kept falling to the street and were
replaced by ugly opacities of black ply-
wood. Yet enough reflecting surface re-
mained to give an impression, through
the wavery old window of this sudden
apartment, of huge blueness, a vertical
cousin to the horizontal huge blueness
of the sea that Richard awoke to each
morning, in the now bonedeep morn-
ing chill of his unheated shack. He said
to the redhead, “Fine,” and her char-
coal eyebrows lifted. His hands trembled
he signed the lease, having written
“Sep” in the space for marital status.
From a drugstore he phoned the news,
not to his wife, whom it would sadden,
but to his mistress, equally far away.
“Well,” he told her in an accusing voice,
“I found one. 1 signed the lease. Incred-
ible. In the middle of all this fine print,
there was the one simple sentence,
“There shall be no water beds."

“You sound so shaky."

“I feel I've given birth to a black
hole.

"Don't do it, if you don't want to.”
From the way Ruth's voice paused and
faded, he imagined she was reaching for
a cigarette, or an ashtray, settling her-
self to a session of lover babying

"I do want to. She wants me to. We
all want me to. Even the children are
turned on. Or pretend to be."

She ignored the “pretend.” “Describe
it tome.”

All he could remember was the floor,
and the view of the blue disaster with
reflected clouds drifting across its face.
And the redhead. She had told him
where to shop for food, where to do his
laundry. He would have laundry?

“It sounds nice," was Ruth's remote
response, when he had finished saying
what he could. Two people, one of them
a sweating black mailman, were waiting
to use the phone booth. He hated the
city already, its crowding, its hunger.

“What sounds nice about it?” he
snapped.

“Are you so upset? Don't do it if you
don't want to.

“Stop saying that.” It was a tedious
formality both observed, the pretense
that they were free, within each of tl
marriages, to do as they pleased; guilt
avoidance was the game, and Ruth had
grown expert at it. Her words often
seemed not real words but blank
counters, phrases of an etiquette, parti-
tions in a maze. Whereas his wife's words
always opened in, transparent with
meaning.

“What else can ] say," Ruth asked,
“except that I love you?” And at its far
end, the phone sharply sighed. He could
picture the gesture: She liad turned her
face away from the mouthpiece and
forcefully exhaled, in that way she had,
expressive of exasperation even when
she felt none, of exhaling and simul-
tancously stubbing out a cigarette
smoked not halfway down its length, so

it crumpled under her impatient fingers
like an insect fighting to live. Her con-
АП

spicuous unthriftiness pained him

to hang up but saw that, too, as a waste-
ful, empty gesture, and hung on.
б
Alone in his apartment, he discovered.
himself a neat and thrifty housekeeper.
When a woman left, he would promptly
set about restoring his bachelor order,
emptying the ashtrays that, if the visitor
had been Ruth, brimmed with long pale
bodies prematurely extinguished and, if
Joan, with butts so short as to be scarce-
ly more than filters. Neither woman, it
somehow pleased him to observe, ever
made more than a gesture toward clean-
ing up—the bed a wreck, the dishes
dirty, cach of his three ashtrays (one
glass, onc pottery and onc a tin cookie-
jar lid) systematically touched, like the
bases in baseball. Emptying them, he
would smile, depending, at Ruth's messy
morgue or at Joan's nest of filters, discreet
as white pebbles in a bowl of na i
When he chastised Ruth for stubbing
out cigarettes still so long, she pointed
(continued on page 238)

FORECASTING
PLAYBOY'S FUTURE

america's foremost astrologer reads our stars
for an advance look at the next 25 years

By SYDNEY OMARR

and, naturally, we're looking forward

to another good 25. Bui who knows
what fate holds in store? Why, Sydney
Omarr, of course. We asked America's Mr.
Astrology to read PLAYBOY's chart and give
us a forecast for 1979 and a long-range peep
at the next quarter century. Editor-Pub-
lisher Hugh M. Hefner provided Omarr

I t's been a good 25 years for PLAYBOY

with an approximate birth date for PLAYBOY
(the day and hour the first magazine ap-
peared on newsstands) and with that birth
date—November 8, 1953, 5:30 A.M. in Chi-
cago, Illinois—Omarr drew up the chart
you see below. His interpretation follows.
Appropriately, PLAYBOY was born а Scor-
pio, the sign of sensuousness, passion,
innovation and (concluded on page 378)

PHOTOGRAPHY Bf RICHARO IZUL

ILLUSTRATION BY OENNIS MAGOICH.

if love is a matter of giving,
momma, why is it so hard?

fiction by
author of the contemporary classic
“Even Cowgirls Get the Blues”

VINCENT VAN GOGH Cut off his ear and sent it to Marilyn
Monroe.

Marilyn Monroe was so touched that she gave up
cverything—her carcer, her swimming pool, her wig-
gle, her telephone, her suicide, everything—and moved
to the south of France to be with Vincent van Gogh.

Did they live happily ever after? No, no one ever
does. But they pretended to live happily ever after.
And since all things become what we pretend they are,
fake happiness is as good as the real stuff.

Vincent van Gogh cut off his ear and sent it to
Marilyn Monroc. When she unwrapped the package
and found the ear, Marilyn Monroe hed up her
fame t thatswallowed-the-banana smile.

Marilyn Monroe put the ear in a rosewood box on
her dressing table. Every now and again, she would
remove the ear from the box, pet it, blow on it, scratch
it and giggle. Once, she hooked the car on a silver
n and wore it to a party. She always intended to
write the саг original owner a pretty thank-you note,
but she never quite got around to it.

Was Vincent van Gogh a fool?

Maybe Marilyn Monroe was the fool After all,
Vincent van Gogh made a grand gesture and Marilyn
Monroe received it frivolously.

Vincent уап Gogh cut off his ear and sent it to
Marilyn Monroe. Some weeks later, the package was
retumed to Vincent van Gogh. It was marked, Ab-
DRESSEE DECEASED,

Vincent van Gogh checked into the matter and
found that it was true, In his research, he learned that
Joe DiMaggio had ordered that fresh red roses be
placed on Marilyn Monroe's grave every three days,
forever. Not for [oe DiMaggio's lifetime, mind you,
not for the duration of Hollywood, its films and its
cemeteries, but forever.

Vincent van Gogh leaned against the dizzy crown of
an epileptic sunflower. Said he, “After the end of the
world, Joe DiMaggio is going to have some money

coming back.”

Vincent van Gogh cut off his ear and sent it to
Marilyn Monroe. Whereupon Marilyn Monroe cut off
one of her ears and sent it to Vincent van Gogh.

Vincent van Gogh cut olf his little toe and sent it 10
Marilyn Monroe. Marilyn Monroe sent one of her
little toes in return. Next, Vincent van Gogh cut off
elid and posted it. In the return mail, ће re-
id from Marilyn Monroe. ‘Their friend-
ship was growing warm.

They exchanged ring fingers, tongues, belly buttons
and nipples. One day, Vincent van Gogh cut out his
heart and rushed to Hollywood—but by then
Пуп Monroe had become bored with the whole
and run off to Tijuana with Warren Beatty.
Vincent van Gogh was (concluded on page 330)

237

PLAYBOY

Conuping (continued from page 234)

“He moved like a water bug, like a skipping stone,
upon the glassy tense surface of his new life.”

out, of course, with her beautiful un-
blinking assumption of her ovn primary
worth, how much better it was for her,
for her lungs, to kill the cigarette early:
and, of course, she was right, better
other-destructive than self-destructive.
Ruth was love, she was life, that was why
he loved her. Yet Joan’s compulsive
economy, her discreet death wish, was as
dearly familiar to him as her tiny re-
pressed handwriting and the tight curls
of her pubic h so Richard smiled
emptying her ashtrays also. His smile was
a gesture without an audience. He, who
had originated his act among parents
and grandparents, siblings and pets, and
who had developed it for a public of
schoolmates and teachers, and who had
carried it to new refinements before an
initially rapt audience of his own chil-
dren, could not in solitude stop perform-
ing. He had engendered a companion
of sorts, a single grand spectator—the
blue skyscraper- He felt it with him all
the time.

Blue, it showed greener than the sky.
For a time Richard was puzzled. why
the clouds reflected in it drifted in the
same direction as the clouds behind it.
With an effort of spa imagination
he perceived that a mirror does not re-
verse our motion, though it does trans-
pose our cars, and gives our mouths a
tweak, so that the face even of a loved
one looks unfamiliar and ugly when
seen іп a mirror, the way she—queer
thought!—always sees it. He saw that a
mirror posed in its midst would not af-
fect the motion of an army; and often
half a reflected cloud matched the half
of another beyond the buildings edge,
moving as one, pierced by a jet trail as
though by Cupid’s arrow. The disaster
sat light on the city’s heart. At night,
it showed as a dim row of little lights,
as if a slender ship were sailing the
sky, and during a rain or fog, it vanished
entirely, while the brick chimney pots
and ironstone steeples in Richard's fore-
ground swarthily intensified their sub-
stance, He tried to analyze the logic of
window replacement, as revealed in the
patterns of gap and glass. He detected
no logic, just the slow-motion labor of
invisible workers, emptying and filling
cells of glass with the brainlessness of
bees. If he watched for many
he might see,
dewdrop, a blank space go glassy, and
reflective, and greenish-blue. Days passed

238 before he realized that, on the old glass

near his nose, the wavery panes of
his own window, ghostly previous tenants
armed with diamonds had scratched ini-
tials, names, dates and, cut deepest and
whitest of all, the touching, comical
vow, incised in two trisyllabic lines:

With this ring
I thee wed

What a transparent wealth of previous
lives overlay a city’s present joy! As he
walked the streets, his own happiness
surprised him. He had expected to be
sad, guilty, bored. Instead, his days were
snugly filled with his lists, his quests for
food and hardware, his encounters with
such problematical wife substitutes as
the laundromat, where students pored
over Hesse and picked at their chins
while their clothes tumbled in eternal
circular fall, where young black house-
wives hummed as they folded white
linen. What an unexpected pleasure,
walking home in the dark hugging to
himself clean clothes hot as fresh bread,
past the bow windows of Back Bay glow-
ing like display cases. He felr sober and
exhilarated and justified at the hour
when, in the suburbs, rumpled from the
commute, he would be into his hurried
second predinner drink. He liked the
bringing home of food, the tautological
satisfaction of cooking a meal and then
eating it all, as the radio fed Bach or
Bechet into his ears and a book gazed
open-faced from the reading stand he
had bought; he liked the odd orderly
game of consuming before food spoiled
and drinking before milk soured. He
liked the way airplanes roamed the
brown night sky, a second, thinner city
laid upon this onc, and the way police
sirens sang, scooping up some disaster
not his, It could not last, such happi-
ness. lt was an interim, a holiday. But
an oddly clean and just onc, rectilinear,
dignified, though marred by gaps of sud-
den fear and disorientation. Each hour
had to be scheduled, lest he fall through.
He moved like a water bug, like a skip-
ping stone, upon the glassy tense surface
of his new life. He walked everywhere.
Once he walked to the base of the blue
skyscraper, his companion and witness.
It was hideous. Heavily planked and
chicken-wired tunnels, guarded by bark-
ing policemen, protected pedestrians
from falling glass and the owners of the
building. already millions in the hole,
from more lawsuits. Trestles and trucks
jammed the cacophonous area. The low-

er floors were solid plywood, of a Stygian
black: the building, so lovely in air, had
tangled mucky roots. Richard avoided
walking that way again.

When Ruth visited, they played a
game, of washing—scouring, with a
Brillo pad—one white square of the
Vermeer Hoor, so eventually it would ail
appear dean. The black squares they
ignored. Naked, scrubbing, Ruth seemed
on her knees a plump little steed, long
hair swinging, soft breasts swaying in
rhythm to her energetic circular strokes.
Behind, her pubic hair, uncurly, made
a kind of nether mane. So lovably
strange, she rarely was allowed to clean
more than one square. Time, so careful
and regular for him, sped for them, and
vanished. There seemed time even to
talk only at the end, her hand on the
door. She asked, "Isn't that building
amazing, with the sunset in it?”

“I love that building. And it loves
me.”

“No. It’s me who loves you.”

"Can't you share?"

"No."

She felt possessive about the apart-
ment; when he told her Joan had been
there, too, and, just for “fun,” had slept
with him, her husband, Ruth wailed into
the telephone, “In our bed;

“In my bed,” he said, with uncharac-
teristic firmness.

“In your bed.” she conceded. her voice
husky as a sleepy child's.

When the conversation finally ended,
his mistress sufficiently soothed, he had
to go lean his vision against his
mate, giant friend, dimming to mauve
on one side, still cerulean on the other,
faintly streaked with reflections of high
cirrus. It spoke to him, as the gaze of a
dumb beast speaks, of beauty and suffer-
ing, of a simplicity that must perish, of
Joss. Evening would soften its shade to
slate; night would envelop its sides. Rich-
ard’s focus shortened and he read, with
itation, for the hundredth time, that
impudent, pious marring, that bit of
litany, etched bright by the sun's fading
fire.

With this ring
1 thee wed

Ruth, months ago, had removed her
wedding ring. Coming here to embark
with him upon an ovemight trip, she
wore on that naked finger, as a reluctant
concession to imposture, an inherited
diamond ring. In the hotel, Ruth had
been distressed to lose her name in the
false assumption of his, though he ex-
plained it to her as a incre convenience.
“But I like who I am now,” she protest-
ed. That was, indeed, her central jewel,
е and bright: She liked who
- They had gone separate ways
(continued on page 379, )

“In some ways they're ahea
in some ways they're beh

d of us and
ind

dus!”

- hubert not only had muscles

d ds eme
YEAI a very с to
be—mayb use you d dei
body that will defend anything.
Your body is just sort of skinny, and
when POS six, there's no sign of that
Charles Atlas look.

You know, when you're six years old,
you're more of a large puttogether jig-
Saw puzzle of thin bone with some
over it. Not that you're skinny; it’s
just that these things are hanging—you
know: arms and legs. The two biggest
5 аге your head and your stomach,
h always sticks out, and you can sce

PHP o. у

it breathing. And the thing about being
six is that people come пр to you
and want to rub your head all the time
and say, "Hi. guy.” I don't mean old
people 50. 60 or 70. 1 mean old people
in their 20s. When you're six. old people
keep rubbing your head. You keep flick-
ing them off. You get the feeling that
one day they'll rub and rub and rub and
rub and rub and your forehead will be
gone and you'll have no hair left, just
the eyebrows.

"How did you get that way?”

“People rubbing the top of my head.”

ЕФ

teries

wy aM a
uie you're six, there are Pd
you can up. be a four-
year-old, that's about it; and if you beat —
up a four-year-old, people will give you —
no sympathy. They'll hit you and yell,
“Why you beat on that small child?” And
when you're six, somebody nine years.
old can really give yor a good going
over. A nine-year-old is an old person
to a six-year-old. He almost got muscles. —
When Y was six, I had a friend; his
name was Roland and Roland was six,
too, and he had a body like mine. Me
and Roland (concluded on page 352)

PLAYBOY

MARLON BRANDO (continued from page 144)

a means of escaping from problems,
then the problems are only going to in-
crease. Confrontation of problems is the
only manner of solution of problems.
Problems don't go away. Drugs are not a.
solution, they're a temporary relief.
PLAYBOY: А lot of people who can afford
it go into analysis to get help with their
problems, but those who can't often re-
sort to drugs or alcohol.

BRANDO: It would be nice to say that
poor people aren't happy, but rich
people are snorting cocaine, that's the
rich people's drug. When all the kids
are smoking, dropping acid, taking co-
caine, then you have to say there must
be something wrong. In the main cities,
when you can't walk out in the streets
without getting mugged or being in fear
of your life, something's wrong. All the
rich people do is move farther and far-
ther away from the areas of trouble.
PLAYBOY: Until you finally come to an
island?

BRANDO: Until you finally come to an
island.

PLAYBOY: Do you think the rich take co-
caine as a means of escape or for pleas-
to enhance sexual activity, as a
stimulation, whatever?

BRANDO: IE it’s a pleasure not to be your-
self, not to have doubts about yourself,
‘or to have an exaggerated sense of your
own importance, then perhaps it is a
pleasure. But it's a questionable one, be-
cause you're dealing with an unreal
world and eventually you're going to
have a rendezvous with a brick wall, and
you'll have to return to whatever you are.
PLAYBOY: Well, we all know who you
are, at Jeast as an actor and an activist,
but who would you have liked to be if
you could choose any period in history
in which to have lived?

BRANDO: I think I would have liked to
be a cave man, a neolithic person. It
would have been nice to see what the
common denominator of human exist-
ence was before it started to be fiddled
with.

PLAYBOY: Would you have wanted to be
an extraordinary cave man?

BRANDO: I would have been Ralph
Kramden. Just your average cave
dweller,

PLAYBOY: We think we just spotted an-
other segue—at least it makes us think
of the mumbling cave man you por-
trayed in Streetcar, which made Method
acting a household word. Does being
Jabeled a Method actor mean anything
to you?

BRANDO: No.

PLAYBOY: Does it bother you?

BRANDO: B-O-R-E. Bore.

PLAYBOY: Is that what a Method actor

242 does—to bore through to the core of a

character's being?
BRANDO: It bores through and goes be-
yond the frontiers of endurable anguish
of interviews.

PLAYBOY: Well, this painful interview is
almost over.

BRANDO: Oh, listen, it hasn't been pain-
ful at all. It’s been delightful. Although
1 feel like I got in a rummage sale:
Would you want this dress? No, that
shmatte. How about this corset? Well,
we could take the rubber out and make
a slingshot out of it. I'm dizzy. We've
gone [rom the shores of Marrakesh to
he halls of William О. Douglas.
PLAYBOY: A couple of final questions: Do
you believe in God?

BRANDO: I believe there must be some
order in the universe. So far as there is
order, there is some force in the uni-
vese, Its hard for me to conceive it’s

“The most repulsive thing
you could ever imagine
is the inside of a camel's

mouth. That and
watching a girl eat octopus

or squid.”

just happenstance or a confluence of
disorder that makes the universe what
it is.

PLAYBOY: And are you optimistic or
pessimistic about the future of life on
this planet?

BRANDO: You can't live a life saying,
Well, this is the end, so we might as well
get out the banjo and the rowboat and
get it on, just go laughing and scratch-
ing along until Gabriel blows his horn.
Whatever the circumstances are, one
has to keep tying to find solutions.
Even if it seems impossible. They have
never invented a system that worked:
Religion didn't do it, philosophy didn't
do it, ethics didn't do it, economic sys-
tems won't do it. None of the systems
that deal with man's problems have ever
worked. But to live a life of hopeless-
ness, it's not possible.

PLAYBOY: Are you afraid of death? Do
you think about it?

BRANDO: "Of all the wonders I yet have
heard, it seems to me most strange that
men should fear; seeing that death, a
necessary end, will come when it will
come.” Another wonderful speech on
death.

PLAYBOY: Do you remember morc of

Shakespeare than of any other author?
BRANDO: He's worth remembering. “For
God's sake, let us sit upon the ground /
And tell sad stories of the death of
kings.” I can't remember it all. [Thinks]
‘That rounds the mortal temples of a
king / Keeps Death his court and there
the antic sits, / Scoffing his state, and grin-
ning at his pomp.” “And with a little
ugh his castle wall, and

PLAYBOY: It was announced in the papers
that you had consented to play King
Lear on Broadway and that Elia Kazan
would direct. Yes or no?
BRANDO: No.
PLAYBOY: Herc's an offbeat question for
you: What are things that repulse you?
BRANDO: The most repulsive thing that
you could ever imagine is the inside of
а camel's mouth. It's so awful! Tha
and watching a girl eat sinall octopus or
squid. I mean, I'm not squeamish about
anything, I could make an ocarina out of
a petrified turd with no problem, but
that. . . . There's a certain frog that
carries its eggs on its back and after they
are fertilized, these froglings burst
forth from the skin. . . . It just makes me
sick. I don’t like to look at somebody's
sticky saliva. These people who laugh—
ha, ha, ha—and there's a stringer of
saliva from their upper tooth to the
bottom lip and it bends every time
they go ha, ha, it pulsates. Jesus, with
one girl, you could take her saliva and
walk across the street with it and lay it
down on the sidewalk and still be con-
nected. The viscosity of some people's
saliva is remarkable.
PLAYBOY: What else offends you?
BRANDO: Bullfighting. I'd like to be the
bull but have my brain. First, Td get
the picador. Then I'd chase the mata-
dor. No, Га walk at him until he was
shitting in his pants. Then I'd get a
horn right up his ass and parade him
around the ring. The Spaniards don't
think anything more of picking an ani-
mal to pieces than the Tahitians do of
cutting up a fish.
PLAYBOY: Which brings us, full circle,
island of yours is
an unbelievably beautiful setting.
BRANDO: Yeah. I could open this up for
tourism and make a million dollars, but
why spoil it?
PLAYBOY: Do you find it impossible to
Icave this place once you're here?
BRANDO: It's very hard. But . . . "miles to
go before I sleep, and miles to go before
I sleep."
PLAYBOY: Didn't Marilyn. Monroe write
that?
BRANDO: I think Marilyn did, yeah. It
was either her or Fatty Arbuckle, I can’t
remember.

PLAYBOY'S PLAYMATE
REVIEW

a roundup of the past delightful dozen

Take a good close look at this page. It
just could be the best collection of
neck-snapping, knockout beautiful
women we've ever presented. It could
also be the last time you'll ever see
them all together. Travel fever has
gripped these girls, scattering them,
literally, to the four corners of the
earth. But they'll be back; on TV, in
movie theaters and on numerous
magazine covers, because talent
abounds here and it will not be de-
nied. Our loss is the world's gain, as
they say, and we may geta little misty-
eyed, but we don’t really mind. it’s
beena year of sheer pleasure for us—
and for our readers. Now they belong
to their own bright, promising futures.

|,
|
ў
Ф

PHOTOGRAPHY BY
KEN MARCUS

Miss December

When we called December
Playmate Janet Quist our
*'Texas Drifter,’' we
weren't kidding. Janet's
harder to find than truf-
fles. We tried Austin, we
tried Dallas, we tried Cali-
fornia and we were about
to notify the Coast Guard
when Janet finally found
us. She wasin San Antonio
(why didn't we think of
that?) and having a won-
derful time spinning
records at the Deja Vu Dis-
cotheque. She says Califor-
nia is next, but our guess
is you Hawaiians had bet-
ter keep an eye peeled.

Miss August

August Playmate Vicki
Witt had just returned
from her first trip to Cali-
fornia when we tracked
her down in her Michigan
digs. She reported meet-
ing lots of “really great
people” and an occasional
clunker. ‘I don't know if |
could be happy in that en-
vironment,” Vicki said.
“People seem to have just
one thing on thelr minds.”
We didn't bother to ask
what that one thing was.
Even so, Vicki is giving a
lot of thought to the possi-
bilities a move to the cin-
ema capital may have to
offer her budding career.

Miss July

The last of the big-time
spenders: That's July
Playmate Karen Morton,
who splurged some of her
modeling fee on a fire-
engine-red 1971 Volkswa-
gen. The jaunty Volks was
promptly and rudely intro-
duced to a passing car.
Luckily, only Karen's pride
was hurt. The incident was
quickly forgotten, how-
ever, in the bustle of
PLAYBOY promotions that
took her to Hawaii, San
Francisco, Michigan, Ohio
and Seattle. Personal trav-
el hopes include vacation
trips to England and Japan.

Miss May

May Playmate Kathy Mor-
rison has been on the
road, breaking hearts and
stopping traffic in England
and Italy. The Italian coun-
tryside knocked her out:
"They don't change things
as much over there. You
can still get a sense of hiis-
tory," Now back in the
States, Kathy is hard at
work fixing up her house
and tending to her pets, a
Dalmatian and an Irish
setter. But her wanderlust
is not satisfied. Next stop
may be Indonesia: “I'd
just like to go someplace
completely different.”

Miss March

The song that goes "When
you're hot, you're hot . . .'"
certainly applies to Play-
mate Christina Smith. Who
else do you know who
could walk into a Las Vegas
casino with $25 and, after
a few rounds of blackjack,
walk out with $600? It
brings to mind another old
adage, ''Them that has
gets....'’ Christina is rid-
ing a happy wave that
began with her March ap-
pearance and has contin-
ued unabated. *'| still get
lots of fan mail,” she says,
though none, we sus-
pect, from Vegas dealers.

Miss June

Mhere does a Southern
girl go to find happiness?
If you're Playmate Gail
Stanton, you goall the way
to Tehran, Iran. At least
that's where she spent the
past six months, doing
commercials for Iranian
television. Apparently, the
Persians have an eye for
Memphis beauty, since
Gail has plans to return—
either to open a modeling
agency or to start an im-
port business. Till then,
she's home in Memphis,
mulling over the flood of
job offers she's had since
her appearance last June.

Miss February

Some girls want fame and
fortune. Playmate Janis
Schmitt will settle for a
moderately wealthy auto
mechanic who can keep
her Spitfire from sputter-
ing. After seven years as
a respiratory therapist,
Janis found a new career
when she was discovered
as a Bunny in the St. Louis
Playboy Club. “I guess I'm
alate bloomer,"' says Jan.
Her next move will be to
L.A., where she hopes to
do some comedy acting
and some grooving with
her 350-album record col-
lection. It's never foo late.

Miss April

Don't tell Playmate Pamela
Bryant how hard it is to
make it in Hollywood.
You'll break her streak. Al-
ready she has episodes of
Fantasy Island, Barnaby
Jones and Hardy Boys to
her credit. And her BJ and
the Bear movie for Univer-
sal was an October winner
on NBC-TV. There's also
talk of a screenplay based
on her life story. With all
that, plus more modeling
assignments than she can
handle, Pamela still says,
“Give me a year and look
out." Look out for what—
the first female President?

Miss September

If the ratings for Saturday-
morning kid shows take an
unexpected rise, Playmate
Rosanne Katon is the rea-
son. She's starring in sev-
eral episodes of CBS-TV's
dae of Star Command, a

adventure series for
dium. We'll bet a lot of
adult males tune in, too.
Rosanne has also just
completed a major adver-
tising campaign for Olym-
piaBeer. Before Rosanne’s
appearance as Playmate,
her mother was a little ap-
prehensive. Now she brags
about “ту daughter, the
Playmate." We're pretty
proud of Rosanne, too.

Miss January

You're going to be seeing
a lot of Playmate Debra
Jensen, who has hit the
modeling world with a
splash. Four months in
Paris convinced her that
there's a market out there
for her kind of head-turn-
ing beauty. Imagine that!
At the moment, our Miss
January is packing up and
heading not for Paris but
for New York. Being a Play-
mate, she has found,
makes traveling difficult.
Despite trying to disguise
herself as "just another
girl, she was recognized
in airports three times.

| >
a?

- Bhd "d [

Miss October

Playmate Marcy Hanson's
acting career is in high
gear. When we talked with
her, she had just finished
a made-for-TVer, The
Sacketts, for NRC, a Wel-
come Back, Kotter, a Family
episode and a Dating
Game. All that while doing
promotions for PLAYBOY.
Marcy found enthusiasm
for Playmates especially
high in Houston, where
“some guy actually tried
to bite me.” While we un-
derstand the poor fellow's.
reaction, we're sending a
shark cage along on her
next promotional tour.

Miss November

Suzanne and Farrah have
nothing on November
Playmate Monique St.
Pierre. Her poster for
Lange ski equipment, fea-
tured in her Playmate lay-
out, has racked up sales
of 1,000,000 copies and
theline hasalready formed
for the next one, due out
soon at a ski shop near
you. Monique has her eye
on a condo in Aspen.
That'll give her a place to
touch down between mod-
eling assignments in New
York and movie work in
Los Angeles. It's all down-
hill for this pretty skier.

PLAYMATES’ PROGRESS

Frankly, seeing Playmate Marcy Hanson in a nurse's
uniform makes us want to play doctor. Alas, it’s only
moke-believe on the set of Welcome Back, Kotter,
where Marcy was toping a recent episode. The fellow
on the left is a moderotely successful disco dancer.

They sure know how to
moke a girl feel ot
home in Foyetteville,
North Carolino. When
June Playmate Gail
Stanton showed up for.
« promotion at Patrick
Ford, she was delighted
to find her likeness
pointed on the side of
а van by local artist
Earl Stone. Unfortu-
nately, a concern for
traffic sofety dictoted a
slight cover-up. Fact is,
though, Gail could
prompt fender benders
in olmost any outfit.

Playmate Debra Jensen went from
January centerfold to the cover of
our Morch issue. Right now, how-
ever, she’s not sitting in a Ferrori
but in the midst of packing boxes,
in preparation for her move to
New York. “If you could see this
ploce, you wouldn't believe it,”
she told us. Life isn't oll work for
Debra, though; she's also in love.

Who better to judge a
beauty contest than our
own December beauty,
Ploymote Janet Quist?
Janet took time out
from traveling and
Playmate duties to
oversee the swimsuit
competition of the Luck-
enbach World's Foir—
the event of the year in
thot finy Texas homlet.
She's been playing tum-
bling tumbleweed since
her oppecrance lost
month, visiting friends
in the Lone-Star State.

July Ploymete Keren Morton (center) visited
Hawaii recently and gol together with her
enusin Flaine, lune 1970 Playmate (left), and
June 1972 Playmate Debbie Davis. Thot's
Elaine's daughter Lisa—Miss June of 1993?

Some girls get Redford, some get Newman.
April Ploymate Pam Bryant's co-stor in her
first movie, BJ and the Bear, wos Som the
Chimp. movies, modeling and a record-
ing contract in the works, Pom's a busy girl.

When we were photogrophing our Miss November,
Monique St. Pierre, for the Playmate Review, Hef himself
wos on hond to make sure we got it right. OF course,
with Monique, it's hord to get it wrong. Besides model-
ing. Monique's into modern dance and skiing in Aspen.

Janis Schmitt, the premier letter getter of the post
months Ploymotes, took a few weeks off to reod her
moil before packing up for a move from St. Louis to
the greener pastures of LA. All she needs now is o
roommate. The line forms, fellos, somewhere in Maine.

Portroying the cheeriest of cheerleoders in the movie Coach is Ploymate
Козоппе Katon, Proceeds from her орресгапсе in September hove resulted
in Rosonne’s being flush “for the first time in my life." But she paid a price.
While at the Equinox revolving restaurant in San Froncisco on a PLAYBOY
promotion, Rosanne solemnly assured us, she developed motion sickness.

Eschewing the cliché of a gondolo On her first trip to Colifornia, Av-
ride in Venice, Kothy Morrison ond gust Ploymate Vicki Witt tried the
friend David opt for a view from hot new sport of roller disco. After
the bridge. Her stop in Venice wos an inauspicious beginning, she got
port of o European vaci . those skates rocking-n'-relling ogain.

рт so busy having fun, | don’t hove time to work,” soys Christino Smith,
shown here with sometime beau Moximilian Schell in the Mediterronean Room
of the Playboy Mansion West. Still, she hos monoged to wrop up o com-
merciol for Schwinn between promotional tours for PLAYBOY and trips from
Delaware to Konsos to see old friends. A london vacotion is next.

256

a garland of lecherous verse

upon the nipples of julia^s breast
Have ye beheld (with much delight)
A red rose peeping through the white?
Or else a cherry (double graced)
Within a lily's center placed?
Or ever marked the pretty beam.
Astrawberry shows, half drowned in acan?
Or scen rich rubies blushing through
A pure smooth pearl. and Orient, too?
So like to this, nay all the rest,
Is each neat niplet of her breast.
— ROBERT HERRICK (1591-1674)

indian summer
Now that my Madelon knows at last.
That I am wearing specs and slippers,
She is secretly bidding —fast—
For one of the other skippers.

Well, you could say, the cargo shifts;
But I'm used to such surprises.
Any vessel tosses and drifts

When the mast no longer rises.
—N. BERTHELOT, 1616

king david and king solomon

King David and King Solomon

Led merry, merry lives
With many, many lady friends

And many, many wives.
But when old age crept onward

With all its heavy qualms,
King Solomon wrote the Proverbs

And King David wrote the Psalms,

JAMES BALL NAYLOR (1860-1915)

the difficult choice

“Comme, come,” said Tom's father, “at your time of life,
There's no longer excuse for thus playing the rake.
ime that you think, boy, of taking a wife."
Why, so it is, Father, Whose wife shall I take?"
—тномАз MOORE (1779-1852)

а song with logic
Why, Chloé, thus squander your prime
In debate between fear and temptation?
If adulterous love be a crime,
Why quarrel with plain fornication?

Your beauties with age you may lose;
Then seize the short moment of joy.
If not, then with confidence use
What by using you cannot destroy.

Come, come, bid our raptures begin
Ere we lose both our youth and our leisure.
"Tis better repenting a sin
"Than regretting the loss of a pleasure.
—anonyMous, 18th Century

tho rude response
“No! No! Spare my virginity!
When 1 lose that,” said Rose, “I'll die!
“Behind the elms last night,” cried Dick,
“Rose, were you not extremely sick?”
— MATTHEW PRIOR (1664-1721)

the rabbit
has a charming face;
te life is a disgrace.
1 really dare not name to you
The awful things that rabbits do;
Things that your paper never pr
You only mention them in hints.
They have such low, degraded souls
No wonder they inhabit holes;
When such depravity is found
It only can live underground.

—ANONYMOUS, 19th Century

e trick
Nokes went, he thought, to Stylcs's wife to bed,
N new lis own was laid there in her stead.
ian, is the child he then begot,
To be allow'd legitimate or not?
—From The Bon Ton Magazine, 1794

nae hair on
Yestreen 1 wed a lady fair,
An wad ye believe me,
On her cunt there grows nae hair;
"That's the thing that grieves me.

It vexed me, sair, it plagu'd me, sair,
It put me in a passion,
To think that I had wed a wi
Whase cunt was out of fashion.
—ANONYMOUS, Scottish, 19th Century

the rejected offer
It is not four years ago
I offered forty crowns
To lie with her a night or so;
She answered me with frowns.

Not two years since, she, meeting me,
Did whisper in my ear

That she would at my service be,
If I contented were.

1 told her I was cold as snow
And had no great desire;

But should be well content to go
To twenty, but no higher.

Some three months since, or thereabout,
She that so coy had been,

Bethought herself and found me out,
And was content to sin.

I smiled at that, and told her I
Did think it somewhat late,
And that Г@ not repentance buy
At more than half the rate.

This present morning early, she,
Forsooth, came to my bed

And, gratis, there she offered me
Her high-prized maidenhead.

1 told her that I thought it then
Far dearer than I did,
When I at first the forty crowns
For one night's lodging bid.
—SIR JOHN SUCKLING (1609-1642)

Ribald Classic
phelia’s song

Tomorrow is Saint Valentine's day
All in the morning betime,

And I a maid at your window
To be your valentine.

Then up he rose and donn'd his clothes,
And dupp'd the chamber door;

Let in the maid, that out a maid
Never departed more.

By Gis and by Saint Charity,
Alack, and fie for shamel

Young men will do't, if they come to't;
By cock, they are to blame.

Quoth she, before you tumbled me,
You promised me to wed.
So would I ha’ done, by yonder sun,
An thou hadst not come to my bed.
— WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE (1564-1616)

o western wind
O Western wind, when wilt thou blow
‘That the small rain down can rain?
Christ! that my love were in my arms!
And I in my bed again! —ANONYMOUS, 16th Century

my girl
My girl, she's airy, she’s buxom and gay,
Her breath is as sweet as the blossoms in May;
A touch of her lips, it ravishes quite;
She's always good natur'd, good humor'd and free;
She dances, she glances, she smiles with a gle
Her eyes arc the lightenings of joy and d.
Her slender neck, her handsome waist,
Her hair well buckl'd, her stays well laced,
Her taper white leg, with an et, and a C,
For her A, B, E, D, and her C, U, N, T,
‘And Oh, for the joys of a long winter night!
—ROBERT BURNS (1759-1796)

ILLUSTRATIONS BY BRAD HOLLAND

257

Chances are you've noticed.

More and more people are enjoying Puerto
Rican white rum in place of vodka or gin.

Likethe Lugos, they appreciate theincredible
smoothness of white rum. It mixes beautifully
with tonic or orange juice or soda. And makes a
superbly dry, clean-tasting martini.

Puerto Rican white rum is, indeed, smoother
than vodka or gin.

You see, every drop of Puerto Rican rum is
aged, by law, for at least one full year before
it's bottled.

And when it comes to smoothness, aging is
the name of the game.

Here'sa suggestion

Instead of mixing your usual vodka or gin
and tonic, make it white rum and tonic
Now, isn't that better?

MEO of

his pus

Make sure the rum is Puerto Rican. ^ Theirspecialized skills and dedication result

The name Puerto Rico on the label ina rum of exceptional taste and purity.
is your assurance of excellence. No wonder over 85% of the

The Puerto Rican people have been rum sold in this country comes
making rum for almost five centuries. from Puerto Rico. 1

PUERTO RICAN RUMS

Aged for smoothness and taste.

For free" Light Rums of Puerto Rico” recipes. write: Puerto Rican Rums,
Dept P-1. 1290 Avenue of the Americas, N.Y., N.Y. 10019 ©1976 Commonwealth ol Puerto Rico.

260

The airlines, forced to cut their rates,
When Laker's planes began it,

Would like to give Fred one-way fare
To another planet.

Travolta fans bloomed coast to coast.
They discoed through the night,

And guys who dance like ducks in pants
Were suiting up in white.

When Donny Osmond took a bride.
His fans were up atree.
They'd planned to share their toothy god
With no one but Marie.

When Miss Costanza quit her post,
The White House learned one thi
A Midge, though quite petite, can still
Deliver quite a sting.

Ron Reagan said that treaty was

The cruelest of shocks.

Perhaps that's why his hair went gray
(They're Panama Canal locks).

Reports Ham Jordan spit his booze
Had caused him such distress,
It's said he thought the Pyramids
Were down а lady's dress.

Though Rotten (Johnny), Vicious (Sid)
And company conspired

To tour the States and hype huge gates.
The Pistols’ shot misfired.

ILLUSTRATIONS BY BILL UTTERBACK

1s “Life's more fun if you're a blonde"
The truth or just what's sai
At least for hlondes like Cheryl Tiegs,
Life's worth a lot more bread.

Vanessa capped her Oscar
With an unexpected act,

A verbal Arabesque for which
She soon was Paddy-whacked.

Our President's a man of prayer
At eventide and morn (emen).

Yet after Dr. Pete:
He'd rather not get Bourne again.

Manhatta: trials and EE
Could cause anyone deje
Atleast Ed Koch had one head start:
His hair went pre-election.

Jaws the Second did big biz,
This country loves a thriller,

jut Warren Beatty beat the shark
Аз ranking lady kiler

As Georgia's verbal Mr. Young
Made speeches round the map,
The great debate continued:

Is he boon or Andycap?

Randy Newman wrote a
He claimed was just a t.
But short folks lined up everywhere
To bite him on the knees.

Miss Ronstadt had to leave her home

In very hurried fashion

When tourists flocked. (They hoped to glimpse
UnGovernable passion.)

made the headlines in '78

tongue-in-cheek remembrances of sundry newsmakers who—in word or deed

Though Woody Allen's Annie Hall Bert Lance became a TV star

Won honors by the score, And if he’s not first-rank
They should have made the Oscars flat At broadcast news, at least this job
To shove beneath his door. х Is money in the bank.

le Pete Rose had a banner year,
is final goal was off. He

Tied the N.L. mark, but who

Can outbrew Mr. Coffee?

Princ Margaret with her Rod.
Improved each shining hour,

Despite some Britons, who—by God—
Would send her to the Tower.

2%,
=

Photos of her dazzling grin
Led media's event list. v
To see much more of Farrah's teeth, uw
You'd have to be her dentist.

A test-tube treasure named Louise
Became a headlined lace

When Britain served a brand-new treat:
Baby under glass.

‘Sadat and Begin's spark of peace
Had gone from bright to dim,
Until they hoth went off to camp
And bunked with Uncle Jim.

Christina might have had her pick
Of moguls, sheiks or bankers,

But Mise Onassis showed the world
That borsch wasin her tankers.

Joe Namath quit the L.A. Rams,
His grid days at a close.

Let's hope he etashed away the cash
To etayin panty hose.

The Jaggers split asunder

And they went their separate ways,
Which wasn't all that different
From their good old married days.

At diplomatic interchange

Ali may be an amateur,

Still, Brezhnev dug his every word
(Must be the champs pentameter).

When Phyllis Schlafly sallied forth, Frank Collin's little Nazi crew,

Her fans were lined up by the drove Whose business is the hate racket,

To see her take on Е.К.А. Should chenge their uniforms, folks said,
But who'd she leave to mind the stove? To swastika on strait jacket.

261

PLAYBOY

262

POWER FAILURE

(continued from page 169)

“Moyers had immediately created a true national
constituency that needed and valued him.”

that. He is intelligent, witty, composed
and thoughtful. He went from CBC
to NBC, where he did well but, like
many of his colleagues, felt extremely
frustrated. He eventually went from
there to the Public Broadcasting Service,
where he did a variety of reporting and
anchoring, He finally became the co-
host of a program called The MacNeil/
Lehrer Report, one of the most civilized
programs on television. The MacNeil/
Lehrer Report is unique: It believes that
the SALT talks and the future of South
Africa and other serious issues of our day
cannot be reported and explained in a
minute and 30 seconds. So each night, it.
devotes all of its 30 minutes to one issue.
At the heart of this is a belief that many
issues are so important and so compli-
cated, that to deal with them in a
ute or two, as the networks do (“putting
The New York Times on a postage
stamp," in the immortal words of pro-
ducer Fred W. Friendly), does not always
clarify them, Rather, it may, in fact,
confuse viewers. This has long been a
prohlem, this tendency to trivialize the
news with such cannibalized reporting,
and it bothers some network officials, but
not so much that they will put on an
hour news show.

The MacNeil/Lehrer Report is spe-
cial in that it genuinely explains issues
and presents an intelligent, balanced
view. It makes issues more understand-
able and, in so doing, it makes the world
around us more believable, and more
interesting end less frightening. That
which we do not understand alternately
either frightens us or bores us. That
which we can at least partially under-
stand can interest and excite us. On
this show, MacNeil, like his colleague
]im Lehrer, has been very good; he is
thoughtful and tolerant and interested
and he never, as so many network tele-
vision interviewers do, lapses into hokey,
faked interest. Most remarkable of all,
he actually seems to be listening to his
guests.

Enter now Roone Arledge, he of ABC,
a network that overnight has a lot of
money and precious little publicaffairs
tradition, Arledge had been the boy won-
der at ABC Sports (he had helped invent
something called NFL Monday
Football, the ultimate media event, the
essential thesis of which is that which
happens in the broadcasting booth is
more important than that which is tak-
ing place on the field).

Arledge had anchor-person problems
and ratings problems. The first genera-
tion of anchor people plucked from
other networks had not worked out ter-
ribly well Harry Reasoner seemed to
lack energy and became petulant when
Barbara Walters, a girl, not only was
hired to share his anchor but was paid
more than he was. Miss Walters, plucked
from NBC, where her energy and drive
had worked well on the Today show,
turned out to be a disappointment as an
anchor, her talents seriously misused.
"The ratings did not rise. So Arledge
wanted to redo the show, Some people
thought the anchor wave of the future
was one anchor: Walter Cronkite was
one anchor and he worked well. Some
thought it was two anchors—either two
boys (David and Chet, John and David)
or a boy and a girl—but Arledge thought
it should be four anchors. One here, one
there, one somewhere else, and one more
as well. ABC then turned to MacNeil
and offered him one fourth of an anchor.
He was intrigued, he was flattered: The
size of the audience—ten times larger
than that of PBS—was attractive and he
thought ABC, on the upswing, with all
its resources, might be doing some inter-
esting things. But he was also wary. He
had played the network game before and
he was wary of the potential impotence
of being a semianchor. An anchor was
not enough. Cronkite was more than just
an anchor. MacNeil would come aboard,
he said, but he also wanted to be execu-
tiye editor of the show, That meant that
in addition to being an anchor, he would
play a major role in determining the
show's daily format and context. The
negotiations dragged on. A lot of money
was mentioned, perhaps three times as
much as MacNeil was then making.
nally, ABC refused him even partial con-
trol of the show, and he, in turn, turned
the network down. He stayed at PBS. We
are the better for it.

Which takes us to the case of his
colleague at PBS, Bill Moyers. Moyers,
the former press secretary to Lyndon
Johnson, had published Newsday for a
time before proving too liberal for Harry
Guggenheim. After leaving Newsday, he
had become a national correspondent
for PRS. There he did truly distinguished
work; he had intelligence and subtlety
and, unlike his colleagues on the net-
works, he had enough regular air time

for his better qualities to emerge. In ad-
dition, he had one special quality that
distinguished him: an instinctive sense
of history rather than a sense of news,
which allowed him to sense what was
truly important about American life and
thus to concentrate on the larger rather
than the peripheral issues confronting
his fellow citizens, (Janet Murrow, for
one, thought that during Watergate,
Moyers was the commentator who most
resembled Ed.) But, as Moyers had al-
ways been restless in the past, he was
restless at PBS. He always seemed to be
caught in the powerful forces swirling
about him—an intense moral sense and
an immense, driving ambition, As such,
he was always playing Hamlet, caught
between conflicting desires and job offers:
What did he really want to be when he
grew up: President of the United States?
Secretary of State? Cronkite? His tele-
vision reporting for PBS was quite strik-
ing, and he had immediately created
a true national constituency that needed
and valued him, serious people in thou-
sands of small towns who felt themselves
lonely and cut off from knowledge and
debate over great issues. Not surprisingly,
CBS coveted what it did not have, and
made Moyers an offer to come to work
in its documentaries unit. Moyers, in-
trigued by the difference in platforms
and the size of the audiences. and also
aware of the dangers ahead, pondered
the offer, played Hamlet for a time and
accepted it.

His tour at CBS turned out to be sur-
prisingly short. Two years. The plat-
form, as he had suspected, was awesome,
but it was also remarkably difficult to
attain. Air time was elusive. He found
himself working with highly professional
people who were also very clearly the
stepchildren of the corporation, That
which they did they did very well, but it
was also clear that no one at the higher
reaches of the network cared very much
about documentaries. Documentaries had
low ratings and caused lots of trouble.
Moyers soon found himself far more
frustrated at CBS than he had been at
PBS: At PBS, the frustrations had been
over old and faulty equipment and too
little money; at CBS, it was a different
problem, one that was almost spiritual, a
fecling that the people he worked for
thought that what he was doing did not
really matter-

Yet the network did care about Moyers
himself. Not necessarily Moyers and his
documentaries, but Moyers the human
asset. He was a star. He was what net-
worktelevision executives dream about,
someone so smart, so intuitive and yet so
subtle, his own interior safeguards so
sure, that he could deal with the most

(continued on page 322)

SCULPTURE BY PARVIZ SADIGHIAN

264

Text by DAVID STANDISH

оор For us: We're 25 years old.
We've never felt better and we
couldn't be happier.

Best is that more often than not, it's
been fun—which has been the idea of it
all since we began. But which in 1953
was a slightly dangerous notion for a new
magazine to be celebrating. It's even dif-
ficult for people who lived through them
to remember how grim the very early
Fifties were—and how rigidly conformist.
When Korea was just grinding down
to an empty, meaningless impasse; our
first dry-fuck war. When number onc on
Your Hil Parade was Doggie in the Win-
dow by the Rage, Miss Patti Page. And
Joseph McCarthy, the Honorable Mad
Senator from Wisconsin, began seeing
instead of pink elephants,
g the illness across the country
own grew to fever before live
TV cameras—our fast nationally tele-
vised real-life soap opera. Kids in grade
school twice a week practiced crouching
im basement hallways and kissing their
asses goodbye, in preparation for the
bright day when the mushroom cloud
melted downtown; many were issued dog
tags, so their charbroiled young remains
could be identified by any survivors.

Fun was definitely not “in

Nor was nonconformity.

In 1952, General Eisenhower, while
campaigning for President, stated the
national goal as he saw it: “Тһе great
problem of America today is to take that
straight road down the middle" His
crashing landslide over witty “egghead”
Adlai Stevenson proved we were already
well on our way. Fit in, go along with the
team, don't rock the boat.

Stevenson lost so badly in part because
he seemed too brainy, wasn't "regular
like Ike, who grinned and waved his
wedgie and cheerfully mangled the Eng-
lish language. Most liberal-toleft poli-
ticians and journalists—especially while
McCarthy was still careening around,
waving his hallucinatory _lists—chose
ducking and hiding in the storm cellars
until it blew over. Local patriots were
busy ridding their publiclibrary shelves
of such Commie trash as Huckleberry
Finn, It was the flannelfingered dawn of
the age of the Organization Man.

A great time to be alive.

In January 1954, at least one person
thought so—27-year-old Hugh M. Hefner,
who with not much experience and less
money had somchow managed to pull off
the impossible. In the midst of this
dreariness and repression, he'd become
Editor and Publisher of the most daring.
talked-about new magazine in recent
memory—and it looked like he wouldn't
have to turn all his furniture over to the
bank, after all.

A provocatively
dressed Marilyn Mon-
Toe greeted readers
from the cover (left)
of our first issue, pub-
lished in December
1953. A provocatively
undressed MM greet-
ed first-timers inside.
Keeping а close
watch on things then,
as now, was PLAYBOY
Art Director Arthur

Paul (right), who de-
ü Signed the premiere

issue and our Rabbit.

o Jamury, 19%

Yow can a guy Possitly exprooe

тш Hix Ты

P areas Baa become a resiity =~ ged
эсеб or Pill In the months end yeare ааа,
theses to sere

In the summer of 1953, Hefner wrote the copy for
the first issue in his apartment. The item above is
the year-end message, dated January 1954, from
his personal scrapbook. It was a very good year.

Rib-tickling humor has been a PLAYBOY
slaple since 1959. Navel-tickling humor
came along in 1956 (right), when cartoon-
ist Jack Cole, a PLAYBoY discovery, who
died in 1958, used the technique to charm
our readers with this memorable work.

At the last minute, the title was
changed from Stag Party to PLAYBOY,
prompting a fortunate change in sym-
bols. Imagine “Bunnies” in hatracks.

Many works originally published in PLAYBOY have become hit movies. Among them
was the short story The Hustler, by Walter S. Tevis, which ran in our January
1957 issue. A color woodcut (below) by Richard Tyler illustrated the piece.

THE 1959
PLAYBOY JAZ
FESTIVAL
YEARBOOK

PLAYBOY'S 1959 Jazz Festival was
such an all-round success that
Variety, the show-business bible, ef-
fused, “Yes, cats, there is a Santa
Claus, and his name is Hugh Hefner.”

Our annual salute to col-
lege football, Playboy's
Pigskin Preview, was in-
troduced in 1957. Francis
Wallace of the Saturday
Evening Post was drafted
for the initial roundup.
Then, in 1958, our cur-
rent prognosticator, An-
son Mount, took over.
Among the early choices
for our ideal team were
coach Forest Evashevski
and a grim Alex Karras.
Alex went on to de-
velop a sense of humor.

Since his first cartoon (below) appeared
in PLAYBOY in August 1956, Shel Silver-
stein's humor has delighted readers.
He's regaled us with cartoons, ditties,
poems, tall tales and songs. The ballad
in this issue reveals another talent.

“Well, you can, ij you want to

Hef found the girl next door in the next office when he asked Subscription Man-
ager Janet Pilgrim to be a Playmate. She appeared first in July 1955 and made
two more centerfold appearances—which still stands as the all-time record.

World-famous artist LeRoy Neiman's
name has long been synonymous with
PLAYBOY. The artist's distinctive style
was first seen in these pages in 1954
(above), in an evocative illustration for
Charles Beaumont's story Black Country.

Long before he was a cult fig-
ure, Lenny Bruce's humor was
a cause célèbre in PLAYBOY.
The photo at right is from
Larry Siegel’s 1959 article
Rebel with a Caustic Cause.
Lenny’s autobiography,
How to Talk Dirty and In-
fluence People, debuted

in October 1963 and
continued on through 265
our March 1964 issue.

266

The first Playboy Club opened in Chicago on
February 29, 1960. Bunnies were an instant hit
and multiplied like you know what. There are
now 14 Clubs (two in Japan) and four casinos.

) y
«2 С
` А à D
vw А; AN b
XX
Y SN y
EN
Уыз

In tne years B.C. (Before Centerfolds), American теп
had to rely on pinup artists for their inspiration, and
Alberto Vargas was (and still is) the master of that
genre. The Vargas Girls, who first appeared in the
September 1960 PLAYBoY, have found a home here.

In the Becinning Was the Bed: Although Hef's rise to fame and fortune is
more closely associated with his legendary round bed, the original Playboy
Bed, designed by James E. Tucker, was showcased in the November 1959
issue. One could control everything from the bed—including music, TV,
drinks, snapks and a publishing empire. It wasn’t bad for sleeping, either.

Hef will do any- |
thing to meet pret-
ty girls, including
going on TV. In
January 1969, the
revived version of
Playboy's Pent-
house went on the
air. Called Playboy
After Dark, it tea-
tured old friends,
such as Shel Sil-
verstein and Fat
Albert's friend Bill,

James Bond and PLAYBOY obviously were made for each other. In
1963, we ran lan Fleming's On Her Majesty's Secret Service in three
installments. Later, we published You Only Live Twice (art by Daniel
Schwartz) and The Man with the Golden Gun. It was 007 heaven.

Recognize this little lady?

"The fact that you are reading this letler indicates
your success." Raul DaSilva's message—with the

LeRoy Neiman's Femlin made | барың У Y
symbol as the only "address" on the enve-
her debut on the Party | iope "arrived at our offices on November 29, 1959.

Jokes page in July 1956.

An appearance at the Chi-
cago Playboy Club in Janu-
ary 1961 launched comedian
Dick Gregory's career and
opened the door for other
black comics nationwide.

For some obscure reason, England's
June Wilkinson—whom readers first
met in our September 1958 issue—was
known as The Bosom. She did her bat-
ancing act on Playboy's Penthouse.

What's a nice girl like you doing in a great
place like this? Former Runnies include Sara
Lownds (who married and divorced Bob Dylan),
supermodel and actress Lauren Hullon, Sue
Sullivan (star of TV's Julie Ferr, M.D) and
feministauthor Gloria Steinem, who donned
cottontail as part of a magazine assignment.

Heaven can wait—there’s the Playboy Man-
sion. These Chicago digs were purchased in
1959. After extensive remodeling, Не! moved
in. The door plaque, inscribed in Latin ("If
you don’t swing, don’t ring"), was a gift
from Associate Publisher A. C. Spectorsky,

He wrote in the graphic autobiography
he's kept scrupulously since high school:

What do you say when a dream
comes true? What words do you use?
How can a guy possibly express a
thing like this?

1 own a magazine—a magazine of
my very own. Or, more precisely, I
am president of, and hold a majority
of the stock in a corporation that
owns a mapazine. Of course, we've
very little money in the bank, and
the road ahead will be a rough one,
but, nevertheless, the dream has be-
come a reality—and whether we suc-
ceed or fail in the months and years
ahead, I'm getting my chance to try.

Several factors combined to give him
the chance, and one was terrific timing.
Prevailing values bland and boring as
those of the early Fifties virtually de-
manded rebellion against them—mostly.
as always, among young people. By 1954,
it was beginning to show itself, PLAYBOY
came out of aspects of the same energy
that created the beat crowd, the first
rock"n-rollers, Holden Caulfield, James
Dean, Mad magazine—and anything else
that was interesting by virtue of not
eating the prevailing bullshit and being
therefore slightly dangerous.

Unlike some of the stories that circu-
late about its beginning, pLavgoy didn’t
drop out of the sky into Hefner's lap.
the moment alter Esquire failed to come
up with the legendary five-dollarper-
week raise, He'd been working on it a
long time, without really knowing it. He
had the disease at least since the age of
nine, when he'd hand-yped а neighbor-
hood newspaper and hawked it about for
a penny a copy. In high school during
the early Forties, he wrote and drew car-
toons for the paper. Strangely enough,
Hefner is in a certain sense a failed car-
toonist. What has become his graphic
autobiography began in high school as a
cartoon series about himself and his
friends called School Daze. While in
the Army, he contributed cartoons to
various Service papers, and afterward, at
the University of Illinois, edited Shaft,
the humor magazine—which, naturally,
published plenty of cartoons signed
"Hel." When he got out into what passes
for the real world, his only immediate
ambition was to make it as a professional
cartoonist—but he couldn't sell a strip or
comic-book idea to save his life.

Given his vast energy. it must have
been a miserable period for him. He
tried—very briefly—graduate school at
Northwestern. Then, in 1950, came a
job in the personnel department of the
Chicago Carton Company, boring, but it
paid the bills. He still wanted to be a
cartoonist, but no one wanted him. He
wrote in the autobiography: “Just when

I come out with a good old blood-and- 267

268

thunder, psychological thriller, vice com-
mittees are clamping down on crime
comics all over thc country. Such is lile!
But just as comic chances are cooling
down, I'm getting hot over an idea for
a magazine titled Chi—a picture pub-
lication for and about the people of
Pisco

Luckily for everyone, he never got
that one started.

In 1951, he was instead working at the
famous low-paying job in the circulation
department of Esquire. It’s impossible to
tell how important that was to the crea-
tion two years later of PLAvBov. Probably
less than has often been claimed, at least
in terms of shaping Hefner's ideas about
what his magazine should be, but it was
crucial in one respect: It taught him how
to write good promotional letters, The
job that followed at Publisher's Develop-
ment Corporation had considerably more
influence on what rLAvBov was to be and
on how it could come to life on one tenth
the money everyone told him he'd need
to pull it off

P.D.C. published a handful of small-
circulation specialty magazines. One was
called Modern Man. This was, it is useful
to remember, back in the Cro-Magnon
period of so-called girlie magazines. The
magazines for men were of the outdoorsy,
hairy-chested, Raw Guts and Sex Stories
Illustrated variety, grizzlies for breakfast
and guns for lunch. Most of the girlie
magazines featured tame calendarstyle
pinups, with nothing else in them. Raci-
est were the anonymous airbrushed hon
eys cavorting at volleyball in nudist
camps, their pudenda elusive gray smears
Modern Man was a modest move beyond
these. To the pinups were added a few
"men's" articles, in a formula the pub-
lisher described as “girls, guns and gears.”
Hefner had other ideas.

In the graphic autobiography, then
still in cartoon-panel form, hand-inkcd.
and colored, a long series of panels shows
a cheery Hef expounding his ideas in
balloons to a friend:

Id like to produce an entertain-
ment magazine for the city-bred
guy—breczy, sophisticated! The girl-
іс features would guarantee the
initial sale—but the magazine would
have quality, too. Give the reader
reprint stories by big-name writers—
top art by local artists—cartoons—
humor—maybe some pages in full
color to give it a really class look.

So he did just that.

Heiner then performed some publish-
ing sleight of hand that involved an in-
famous bit of calendar art featuring
Marilyn Monroe curled nude on red
satin, peeking out over her delicious
right armpit. Nearly everyone in Amer-
ica had heard of it, but so far most peo-
ple had only seen а stampsized replica

Sow

It was not our first pictorial on Jayne Mansfield, nor our last, but this shot of Jayne
and co-star Tommy Noonan in the movie Promises, Promises, and this caption: “Alas,
poor Jayne. As she writhes about seductively, the best she can draw from Noonan
are some funny lines," got Hefner busted for obscenity in 1963. The jury never could
make up its mind (seven for acquittal, five for conviction) and the case was dismissed.

ARTHUR KNIGH
HOLLIS ALPERT

Our yearly tandem Sex in Cinema
and Sex Stars has its roots in 1965
as PLAYBOY's long-running His-
tory of Sex in Cinema. With text
supplied by Arthur Knight and Hollis
Alpert, it ranged from silent film
through the exploding sexuality in
foreign films of the Sixties. In 1969,
after 20 installments, we "caught
up.” (Gable and Harlow, hot stuff in
the Thirties, are shown in Red Dust.)

21 = if

Here's Hefner in 1962 about to
embark on what was intended to be
a "few" installments of The Playboy |
Philosophy. Those few developed |
into 25 installments—highlights of
whichappear elsewhere in this issue.

In January 1967, we asked 11 artists to
interpret The Playmate as Fine Art tor the
magazine. This painting by Ben Johnson
was done, he said, “with the feeling of
abandon a man has when making love.”

Ken W. Purdy wrote for us for 15 years on a wide range of subjects, but he
was best known to our readers for his definitive articles on autos and
auto racing. This 1931 Bentley is from May 1969's Classic-Car Collecting.

For years, we asked, "What Sort of Man
Reads Playboy?" Ali sorts, as evidenced in z

these photos of Groucho (Subject of a 1974 This imposing 37-story structure had already won
interview), a СІ in Vietnam, William F. Buck- fame as the Palmolive Building when, in 1966, we
ley, Jr. (whom we interviewed in 1970) and moved in and renamed it Playboy and its revolv-
our special favorite, ап Australian aborigine. ing searchlight the (what else?) Bunny Beacon.

A prototype of Hefner's renowned round bed, which—among other things—can
rolate 360 degrees, showed up in May 1962 as a rendering. In April 1965, we ran
photos of the real thing installed in the Master Bedroom of the Playboy Mansion.

а Brain child of Harvey Kurtzman, Will Elder and а cartoonist manqué
named Hefner, Little Annie Fanny made her PLAYBoY debut in October
1962. Our amply endowed innocent found her way between book covers

t in November 1966. The bock, published‏ سے
к маам АР by our own Playboy Press, has sold‏
b^ = over 300,000 copies to date and a‏
movie starring Annie is in the works.‏
Р = чиа‏ `

- > 269

It was the most prestigious
party a magazine ever held;
October 6-8, 1971, marked the
first Playboy international Writ-
ers’ Convocation. In his open-
ing remarks to the assembled
galaxy, Associate Publisher
A. C. Spectorsky called it a
“tremendous gang ego trip
for all of us,” and it was just
that. Seventy of our "biggest"
contributors—from Alberto Mo-
ravia, John Cheever, Arthur C.
Clarke and James Dickey to
Murray Kempton, Robert Sher-
rill, Tom Wicker and the Rev-
erend Jesse Jackson —showed
up for three days of social in-
terchange (that means having a
ball). This extraordinary photo
(to check out who's who, see
page 284), shot by Alfred Eisen-
stadt, was a perfect souvenir.

The publication of Roots made him an honored
citizen of the world, but we think of him as our
Alex Haley. He did the first Playboy Interview
in 1962, and many others, including one with
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, in January 1965.

Herb Davidson's chilling illustration matched the
disturbing revelations in a June 1969 exposé by
Eric Norden of The Paramilitary Right in America.

| Hefner found this California dream house in 1971. After ex-

tensive renovations to the Holmby Hills estate had been com-
| pleted, Hef bought a pair of sunglasses and moved West.
You'll find him there amidst magnificent grounds, tennis
court, pool, animals, birds, game house and—oh, yes—girls.

This March 3, 1967 issue of Time,
with internationally renowned
sculptor Marisol's vision of Hefner
on its cover, was the magazine's
best-selling issue of the year.

Martin Wanserski's sculpture illus-
trated our comprehensive drug pack-
age in September 1972. That issue
was the first to hit the 7,000,000 mark.

Hefner's "date" for this 1966 episode of

Laugh-In was ebullient Ruth Buzzi. As you
can see from her expression, a night of wild
abandon is not in the cards, nor in their skit.

What better way to sell a sweater than
fitting it to Clint Eastwood? No way.
This, from a fashion shooting in 1972.

Over the years, PLAYBOY has drafted writer
Dan Greenburg as its forager on various:
sexual frontiers. We photographed steely
Dan as middleman in 1972's My First Orgy.

Buck Brown's cartoons first appeared
in 1902, and his en-the-make Cranny
has become one of our readers' fa-
vorite characters. Here, Bunny Gran-

ny, drawn especially for the 25th
Anniversary issue, obviously is having
lots of trouble making ends meet.

A major nonfiction coup: previewing
Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein's
explosive best seller, All the Presi-
dent's Men, in May and June 1974.
The remarkable illustration for part
one was done by Don lvan Punchatz.

in Life magazine that you had to be
a jeweler to enjoy. The owner of the
Tights was an outfit on Chicago's West
Side that did sexy calendars for the
barbershop trade. But it hadn't had the
nerve or the enterprise to reprint it. To
Hefner's slight astonishment, he talked
them into letting him have it for his first
issue, for just $500—and they threw in
the expensive color separations for free.

The value of that single page proved
incalculable. It drew national attention
to a thin new 44page magazine that
might otherwise have gone straight down
the tubes. So uncertain was Hefner about
his chances that he wisely neglected to
date the first issue, so it could ride the
newsstands as long as possible.

But Marilyn turned that first issue—
which looked a lot more like a nervy
college humor magazine with nudes than
like what you're presently reading — into
hot news. The 70.000 copies sold out
easily and now fetch as much as $400
apiece among collectors,

Hefner was, as they say, blown away.
He couldn't quite believe it, and even
today there's a piece of him that still
can't, In January 1954, he wrote in the
autobiography: "lt is all very, very um-
real. The dream has come true too quick-
ly to be fully appreciated.”

He was riding the express train and it
just kept rolling. Eighteen months later,
in the summer of 1955, PLAYBOY'S circu-
lation had gonc up by bounds to 400,000,
nearly six times the initial press run, and
was effortlessly zooming past half a mil-
lion by year's end. By then he could say
accurately in the autobiography:

I'm beginning to realize, for the
first time, how spectacularly success-
ful this venture has become. FLAYBOY
is, I believe, without precedent in
the magazine publishing world. It
shouldn't have succeeded, but it has.
It was started without any real finan-
cial backing; had it failed, I would
have been in debt for, almost cer-
tainly, years, Instead, it appears that
I will be able to spend a lifetime
doing the work I love best and, in
the process, become a very wealthy
man, When I dreamed this dream
of my own magazine just two short
years ago, I didn't realize that it
would make me rich, but that’s
what it's doing. I certainly never
thought that it would make me fa-
mous, but it’s doing that, too.

Almost immediately, PLAYBOY proved
to be wired to an undiscovered chunk of
the culture that multiplied, ahem, like
rabbits. By geometrical increases, the
magazine quickly became part of that
culture. Just as the younger kids pounced
on Mad when it first came out, their
older brothers couldn't get enough of
PLAYBOY. It had tapped a brand-new
main vein,

272

For all his belief in the Uncommon
Man, Hefner down deep was normal—at
least in terms of the interests and fanta-
sies he presented to his readers in the
ine. He's said often Шаг PLAYBOY
is а straight-ahcad extension of his per-
sonality and, as it happened, young men
all over the country shared his interests
and fantasies—even though many of
them were reluctant to admit it to Mom
or Sweetie. Like successful editors since.
Addison and Steele, Hefner had the
nerve to say out loud what a lot of
people were already thinking privately.
No accident that a couple of years into
it, a market-research report showed that
the readership was the Editor-Publisher—
the average reader being, like Heiner
himself, a 29-year-old college graduate
working in some sort of profession.

What had he done?

One thing was to cvolve the idea of
the girl next door, which was one small
step for mankind made by the early
PLAYROY. It was the first time a magazine
had ever presented a pinup as something
other than a porno postcard, the rouge-
nippled top of a calendar or those honeys
playing volleyball.

For the first year, PLAYBOY "Un-
pinned Pinups"—as they were called at
first—were standard calendar shots pro-
vided by the owners of Marilyn's picture.
In the first issue, she was Sweetheart. of
the Month, but had become the Playmate
by the second. The only other change in
the first year was to expand the Playmate
picture to two pages. At the time, Hefner
couldn't afford to do anything else.

But in December 1954, he ran a photo
story preceding the actual Playmate shot
that was called Photographing a Play-
mate—and the response was considerably
greater than to anyone since Marilyn.

It was the July 1955 appearance of
Janet Pilgrim, of our own Subscription
Department, that really did it: The mail
simply would not quit.

After the fact, it was easy to figure out:
The shots of a regular-looking, regularly
dressed male photographer touching up
the back of a smiling and buck-naked
Terry Ryan; and the shots of Janet Pil-
grim, an engaging blonde who fulfilled
subscriptions and bowled on the office
team, shown first at work slaying beauti-
fully over her typewriter, and then sitting
two pages later wearing mostly diamonds
at a fancy dressing table, as if we the
lucky viewers are the mirror, while a
fuzzy male in a tux leans against a
background doorway. The fuzzy male is
Hefner.

Janet Pilgrim as Playmate was an in-
stinctive move on Hefner's part toward
making the girls in his magazine more
human. And the readers loved it. This is
still the tightassed early Fifties we're
talking about, when most young men
had been taught, as some still are, that

The sun never sets on the PLAYBOY publishing
empire, with foreign-language editions in Germany,
Italy, Japan, France, Brazil and Latin America.
Latest additions: publications in Spain and Australia.

Chicago's most eligible shut-in, Hef began
globe-hopping in 1970 aboard the Big Bunny.
The plane was used to “baby-lift” Vietnam war-
orphan refugees to American cities in 1975.

The Puppet and the Puppeimasters (September 1976),
an exposé detailing the Howard Hughos-Nixon-
Watergate connection, earned Larry DuBois and
Laurence Gonzales the prestigious 1976 Sigma Delta
Chi Award for outstanding journalism. This striking il-
lustration by Eraldo Carugati accompanied the article.

PLAYBOY'S COVERS

For a quarter century, one
of the most popular games
among readers of this maga-
zinc has been trying to find
the Rabbit on the PLAYBOY
cover. He has been there,
in one guise or another,
since our second issue. Oc-
casionally, he has appeared
as a nattily dressed fur-
and-fabric collage. But he
has also been elusively pre-
sented as the knot on a
bikini, the sperkle in a
girl's eye and a feather
floating through the air.
He has shared billing with
such stars as Dolly Parton,
Barbra Streisand, Jayne
Mansfield and the only
male ever to appear on a
PLAYROY cover, actor Peter
Sellers. The original Rab-
bit symbol was designed
in only a few hours by
PLAYBOY Art Director Ar-
thur Paul in 1953. Since
then, he has become one of.
the most widely recognized
corporate symbols in the
world. His major use, how-
ever, has been on our cov-
ers, which over the years
have become prime єл
amples of the best of the
cover designer's art. Says
Paul, “We strive for a mas-
culine look in keeping with
the magazine's purpose. We
try for boldness, fun and
elegance above all and
shoot for consistency with
surprise over the long haul
rather than a sensational
look for any one cover."
Obviously, those criteria
have been met; we think
that with pLaysoy, you can
judge a book by its cover.

>
n M
e P li

Preparing a PLAYBOY cover сап
be hard work but usually isn't.
Associate Art Director Fi
Austin draws our lop-eared
symbol on the tummy of Cyn-
thia Maddox before she was
photographed for our July 1964
cover. Note the concentration.

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PLAY BOY

PLAYBOY

PLAYBOY'S
PLAYMATES

On the facing foldout
are all the Playmates we've
ever published, starting
with "Sweetheart of the
Month" Marilyn. Monroe
and continuing all the way
through to this month's
25th-Anniversary Playma
Candy Loving. To pinpoint
your all-time favorite, just
locate the corresponding
letter and number on the
foldout.

1953
A-1. Marilyn Monroe, December

1954
Margie Harrison, January
Margaret Scott, February
Dolores Del Monte, March
Marilyn Wakz, April

inn

i Bettie Page. January.
Mansfeld, February

Lawler, August
ә September
Jean Moorehead, October
Barbara Cameron,
November
А-31. Janet Pilgrim, December

Y
arian Stafford, March.

j. Rusty Fisher, April

} Scott, May
Gloría Walker, Tunc.
Alice Denbs

Jonnie Nicely, August.
El nsen, September
Janet Pilgrim, October

. Betty Bhi vember

3. Lisa Winters, December:

1957

Jone Bhir, January

i: Sally Todd, February

. Sandra Edwards, March

- Gloria Windsor, April

Dawn Richard, May

lı Carrie Radion, June

Jean Jani, July

Dolores Donlon, August.

Jacquelyn Prescott,
September

B-32. Colleen Farrington, October.

B-33. Marlene Callahan,

November
1-35. Linda Vargas, December

1958
B-37. Elizabeth Ann Roberts,
January
Cheryl Kubert, February
rà Norbo, March.

Judy Lee Tomerlin, June
anette Ablstrand,

са! ‚ August
Саз. eptember
CH. Corday, October

perd

Long Shot Depart-
ment; When Hefner
left Esquire in '53,
he never figured
he'd show up on its
cover. Well, here's
Hef (right) doing
exactly that for а
November 1976
cover story on the
men's-book boom.

The Playboy Foundation has been involved
in everything from women's rights to mari-
juana reform. In March 1978, the Foundation
sponsored an E.R.A-ratification luncheon.
Guest speaker was Dr. Benjamin Spock,
shown here with Playboy's Christie Hefner.

Our Jimmy Carter interview
(November 1976) caused a
sensation. Bill Mauldin's
cartoon, left, was one of
many noting the event.
The Republicans weren't
the only ones reading; the
issue sold out. We followed
up with Jimmy Carter and
Us (March 1977), a back-
stage look at the interview.

Carter's quote heard round
the world: "I've looked on
a lot of women with lust.
I've committed adultery
in my heart
many times.
This is some-
thing God
recognizes |
will do and
God forgives
me for it"

Yule 1977 found
Hef wishing all
a Bunny Noel.
His Christmas
card, right, a
Saturday Night
Live tableau,
had him flanked
by fledgling
Bunnies Gilda
Radner, Jane
Curtin and La-
raine Newman.

On May 12, 1977, ABC-TV premiered Playboy's Play-
mate Party. In out December 1977 issue, we published
pix of the post-Party party—such as this, of Het and
friends sharing vintage bubbly and bubbling Jacuzzi.

And maybe God
will forgive the
man with the
mike at left.
That's Hef mak-
ing his TV singing
debut as host of
Saturday Night
Live October 15,
1977. He opened
with Thank Неау-
en for Little Girls.
The skits ranged
from a Star Trek
spoof fo one on
Socrates as
played by H.M.H.

281

С-16. Pat Sheehan, October
C-17. Joan Staley, November
C-19. Joyce Nizaari, December

1959

C-21. Virginia Gordon, January
С-23. Eleanor Bradley, February
c
С.

Audrey Daston. March

Nancy Crawford, April

€-28. Cindy Fuller, May

С-30. Marilyn Hanold. June

C-32. Yvette Vickers, July

G4. Clayre Peters, August

C-35. Marianne Gaba. September

С.37. Elaine Reynolds, October

€-39. Donna Lynn, November

D-1. Ellen Stratton, December
1966

D-$. Stella Stevens, January

D-5. Susie Scout, February

D-7. Sally Sarell, March

D-9. Linda Gamble, April

р.

D-

-11. Ginger Young, May

-13. Delores Wells, June

5. Teddi Smith (Delilah
Henry), July

D-16. Elaine Paul, August.

D-18. Anne Davis, September

0:20. Kathy Douglas, October

D-22. Joni Mattis. November

D-24. Carol Eden, December

1961
D-26. Connie Cooper, January
2-28. Barbara Ann Lawford,
February

30. Tonya Crews, March
iclscn, April
D-34. Susan Kelly, May
0-35. Heidi Becker, June
D-37. Sheralee Conners, July
D-39. Karen Thompson, August.
E-I. Christa Speck, September
E-$. Jean Cannon, October
E-5. Dianne Danford, November
E-7. Lynn Karrol, December

1962
E-9. Merle Pertile, January
E-I. Kari Knudsen, Februa
E-13. Pamela Anne Gordon,

March

Е15. Roberta Lane, April
E-16. Marya Carter, May
E-
Е:

18. Merissa Mathes, June
30. Unne Terjesen, July
E-22. Jan Roberts, August
E-24. Mickey Winters, September
E-25. Laura Young, October
Е-28. Avis Kimble, November
E-30. June Cochran, December

1963
E-32. Judi Monterey, January
E-34. Toni Ann Thomas,
February
Adrienne Morcau, March

Connie Mason,
Carrie Enwrigl
Phyllis Sherwood, August
Victoria Valentino,

Septemb
Christine Williams, October
‚ Тепе Tucker, November
. Donna Michelle, December

1964
F-15. Sharon Rogers, January
F-16. Nancy Jo Hooper, February
Е-18. Nancy Scott, March

F-20. Ashlyn Martin, April

F-22. Terri Kimball, May

F-24. Lori Winston, June

F-26. Melba Ogle, July

F-28. China Lee, August.

F-80, Astrid Schulz, September
F-32. Rosemarie Hillcrest, October
F-33. Kai Brendlinger, November
F-35. Jo Collins, December

1965
F.37. Sally Duberzon, January
F-3 St. George, February
6-1 jackson, March
C3. illiams, Apri

G-5, Maria McBane, May

C-7. Hedy Scott, June
282 6-9. Сау Collier, July

G-11. Lannie Bakom, August
G-18: Patti Reynolds, September
G-15. Allison Parks, October
G-16: Pat Russo, November
C-18. Dinah Willis, December
1966
6-20. Judy Tyler, January.
Melinda Windsor, February
|. Priscilla Wright, March
G-26. Karla Conway, Apri
-28. Dolly Read, May
G-30. Kelly Burke, June
G-31. Tish Howard, July
6-33. Susan Denberg, August
G-35: Dianne Chandler, September
G-37. Linda Moon, October
G-39, Lisa Baker, November
Sue Bernard, December

на

1967

Surrey Marshe, January

Kim Farber, February

Fran Gerard, March

Gwen Wong, April

Н-11. Anne Randall, May

H-15. Joey Gibson, June

H-15: Heather Ryan, July

H-16. DeDe Lind. August.

H-18. Angela Dorian (Victoria.
Vetri), September

H-20. Reagan Wilson, October

22. Kaya Christian, November

24. Lynn Winchell, December

1968
H-26. Connie Kreski, January
Н-28. Nancy Harwood, February
H-30. Michelle Hamilton, March
11-31. Gaye Rennie, April

3-33. Elizabeth Jordan, May
H-35. Britt Fredriksen, June
31-37. Melodye Prentiss, July
1-39. Gale Olson, August

Ll. Dru Hart, September

Ls. Majken Haugedal, October
L5. Paige Young, November
1-7. Cynthia Myers, December

conî, February
. Kathy MacDonald, March
5, Lorna Hopper, April

6. Sally Shefficld, May

8. Helena Antonaccio, June
1-20. Nancy McNeil, July

1-22. Debbie Hooper, August
1-24. Shay Knuth, September

126. Jean Bell, October

1-28. Claudia Jennings, November
1-30. Gloria Root, December

1970

1.31. Jill Taylor, January.

1-33. Linda Forsythe, February

135. Chris Koren, March

1-37. Barbara Hillary, April

139. Jennifer Liano, May

J-1. Elaine Morton, June

J3. Carol willis, July

7-5. Sharon Clark, August

J-7. Debbie Ellison, September

o Mary Mane
Collinson, October

J-11. Avis Miller, November

113. Carol Imhof, December

1971
J-15. Liv Lindeland, January
J-16. Willy Rey, February
7-18. Cynthia Hall, March
1-20. Chris Cranston, April
1-22. Janice Pennington, May
1-84. Licko English. June
726. Heather Van Every, July
1-28. Cathy Rowland, August.
1-30. Crystal Smith, September
7-31. Claire Rambeau, October
7-33. Danielle de Vabre,
November
1-35. Karen Christy, December

1972
Marilyn Cole, January
P. J, Lansing, February
. Ellen Michaels, March
Vicki Peters, April

37.
39.

Deanna Baker, May

J
J
к
K-
к.
K-7. Debbic Davis, June

1
3.
7.

9. Carol O'Neal, July

. Linda Summers, August
. Susan Miller, September
Sharon Johansen. October
Lenna Sjóóblom, November
K-18. Mercy Rooney, December.

1973
Miki Garcia, January
Cyndi Wood, February
Donnie Large, March
Julie Woodson, April
|. Anulka Dziubinska, May
Ruthy Ross, June
31. Martha Smith, July

. Phyllis Coleman, August
. Geri Glass, September
Lane, October

1974
Nancy Cameron, January
Nancy Cameron, January
Francine Parks, February
Pamela Zinser, March
Marlene Morrow, April
Marilyn Lange, May

Sandy Johnson, June

Carol Vitale, July

Jean Manson, August.
Kristine Hanson, September
Ester Cordet, October

Bebe Buell, November
Janice Raymond, December

975

Lynnda Kimball, January

Laura Misch, February

Ingeborg Sorensen, March

Victoria Cunningham, April

Bridgett Rollins, May

Arizi Johari, June

Lynn Schiller, July

Lillian Maller, August

Mesina Miller, September

Jill De Vries, October

. Janet Lupo, November

Nancie Li Brandi,
December

1976

Daina House, January

Laura Lyons, February

j. Ann Pennington, March

j. Denise Michele, April

Patricia Margot McClain,
May

Debra Peterson, June

. Deborah Borkman, July

Linda Beatty, August.

‘Whitney Kaine, September

Hope Obon, October

Patti McGuire, November

Karen Hafter, December

1977
Susan Lynn Kiger, January
Star Stowe, February

. Nicki Thomas, March
Lisa Sohm, April
Sheila Mullen, May

. Virve Reid, June

Sondra Theodore, July

Julia Lyndon, August

Debra Jo Fondren,
September

- Kristine Winder, October

. Rita Lee, November

Ashley Cox, December

1978

Debra Jensen, January

Janis Schmitt, February

Christina Smith, March

. Pamela Jean Bryant, April

- Kathryn Morrison, May

Gail Stanton, June

Karen Morton, July

Vicki Witt, August

Rosanne Katon, September

Marcy Hanson, October

Monique St, Pierre,
November

. Janct Quist, December

1979
. Candy Loving, January

sex is dirty and to be avoided, and that
only cheap tramps engage in before
marriage. At the time, the idea that a
“nice” girl would appear in the four-
color altogether was shocking! . . . out-
rageous! And incredibly reassuring to
men who hoped sex didn't have to be as
sordid or as guiltridden as they had been
told.

Suddenly, here were girls, a girl, Janet
Pilgrim, who looked like a good, decent
human being and worked in an actual
office—as the Playmate of the Month.
Revolutionary. What a great leap it
allowed our fantasies to take: not some
distant bored bimbo with her clothes off
but, perhaps, if God were in a good
mood, she might one month be that girl
you see on the bus every day who's mak-
ing your heart melt.

Easily as important to FLAYBOY's suc-
cess was its editorial attitude, which has
remained pretty much true to its school.
In the introduction to issue number one,
Hefner made it clear that PLAYBOY wasn't
going to be a magazine for Aunt Effie or
Junior, and that in spite of the gray Cold
War skies all around, it was going to em-
phasize entertainment—fun, on several
levels. He wrote in the number-one intro:
“Affairs of state will be out of our prov-
ince. We don’t expect to solve any world
problems or prove any great moral
truths. If we are able to give the Ameri-
can male a few extra laughs and a little
diversion from the anxieties of the Atom-
ic Аре, well feel we've justified our
existence.”

But Hefner also has his serious side,
abundantly documented a few years later
in the epic Playboy Philosophy. He was a
better publisher than prophet, and the
lingering psychology major in him must
have prompted him to run as the first-
ever article in his magazine one titled
Miss Golddigger of 1953, a head-on attack
on the inequities of divorce, particularly
alimony. Not exactly World War Three,
but not exactly escapist fluff, either.

In issue number four—a year after a
national book purge, provoked by a State
Department directive regarding Commie
filth in our libraries—rraYsoy began
serializing Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit
151, a powerful sci-fi indictment of cen-
sorship set in a dark future where all
books are rabidly put to the torch. Prel-
ude to a long series of heavyweight cen-
sorship bouts PLAYBOY would fight in its
first 25 years, it also revealed where the
magazine stood. PLAYBoY made a lot of
people nervous—something we think has
always been one of the best things about
. It has consistently kept naming names
that weren't supposed to be there, from
The Pious Pornographers to All the
President's Men to its award-winning
revelations about the Hughes empire.

Such a stance has naturally given the
magazine its share of flak—legal, reli-
gious, economic, you name it. One early

It’s that time of year when a special gift is
especially welcome. Why does Lord Calvert stand
out asa gift? Super lightness, superb taste.

Tf you'd like to give something special, move

on up to Lord Calvert Canadian.

Gift Givers reach for the Canadian Superstar.

PLAYBOY

284

antagonist was the Post Office—which
instead of simply delivering the mail
tried to deny rtAvnov second-class mail-
ing privileges, on the grounds that the
lights at the P.O. found it too racy for
their taste. Rather than back down and
clean up the act to suit them, as other
magazines, including Esquire, had done,
Hefner late in 1955 took the P.O. to
court—and came away with second-class
privileges as well as an injunction re-
straining the Р.О. from further interfer-
ence with the magazine.

Advertisers in the Fifties, even more
than now, were a cautious, high-strung
bunch. Didn't want their name asso-
ciated with anything that smelled even
remotely controversial. Despite its circu-
lation success, PrAvBov had to do without
advertising for almost two years, and
then the first were only small record-rack
and jodhpur and auto-seat-cover ads
trickling into the back. All along there
had been offers to advertise from an
array of greasy sleazoid entrepreneurs,
but Hefner's policy was to do without
rather than let them into his pages—and
he was selling enough copies to do so,
with a press run that just kept jumping.

You could measure the growth in
buildings: From Hefner's small apart-
ment in Hyde Park to one floor of a
narrow old building at 11 East Superior
(smack across the street from Holy Name
Cathedral, a face-off that was harbinger
of things to come); then all four floors of
that one, plus a few offices scattered
nearby; to signing a $500,000 Icase on a
building at 232 East Ohio Street, a huge

loft area completely redone to suit the
magazine's needs and tastes, including
a lavish onthe-premises apartment for
the boss. All in three years,

Or you could measure it using a favor-
ite unit of Hefner's in those days: the
of the office Christmas party. He
wrote in the autobiography at the end of
1955: “Nothing illustrated the growth of
the company more clearly than the
Christmas Dinner. A year ago, we were
able to group our half-dozen employees
around a small table in a local sandwich
shop; this December, the more than 30
working for the HMH Publishing Com-
pany filled two giant banquet tables at
Younkers Restaurant.” A year later, he
wrote: “On this, our Third Anniversary,
the growth is still more phenomenal:
The company has over 100 employees
and Christmas parties are planned at
both the new Playboy building here in
Chicago and our advertising and edito-
rial offices in New York.”

One significant addition in 1956 was
A. C. Spectorsky as Assistant to the Pub-
lisher. His arrival marked a visible up-
ward turn in the quality of the magazine.
Ray Russell, the first editor Hefner hired
in 1954, has said with some accuracy that
until the arrival of Spec, the magazine
had been put out by “а bunch of ama-
teurs.” Hefner's experience had been
spotty in many areas, Art Director Arthur
Paul (the other half of the staff at first)
had been a freelance artist, not a maga-
zine designer; and Russell was an aspir-
ing novelist writing ad brochures for
Walgreen's when he was hired. Given

PLAYBOY'S 1971 WRITERS CONVOCATION

33. Ken W. Purdy

14. John Kenneth Galbraith
15. Dan Greerburg

16. Herbert Gold

17. Sean O'Faolain

18. Nicholas Von Hoflman
19. Hal Bennett

20. George Axelrod

21. Mary Calderone

22. Joel Fort

23. Jean Shepherd.

24. Calvin Triin

1. Gay Talese.
2. A. C. Spectorsky

6. Shel Silverstein
7. Marvin Кітап

8. John Cheever

9. Arthur Schlesinger. Jr.
30. Kenneth Tynan.
31. Saul Braun
2. Richard Warren Lewis

25. Morton Hunt 37. Michael Arlen
26. Larry L. Kng 38. LeRoy Neiman

27. Larry DuBois 39. Harvey Kurtzman
28, Garry Wills 40. Bruce Jay Friedman
29. William Simon 41. Hollis Alpert

30. Сап В. Stokes 42. Arthur Knight

31. Stanley Booth 4G. Brock Yates

32. Warner Law 44. Stephen Yafa

Эз. John Clellon Holmes 45. Robert Sheckley

34. JuesFeifer 46. Alan Watts

35. V.S. Pritchett 47. Michael Crichton
36. David Halberstam 48, Donn Pearce

their credentials, they were doing all
right, but as Russell remembers it, Spec
heralded the magazine's entry into the
big leagues,

Spec brought with him the elán of New
York, a precious commodity then. He
was author of a recent, bitingly witty best
seller, The Exurbanites, had an extensive
and tasteful background in magazines
and newspapers and was senior editor on
NBCTV's Home show when Hefner
lured him away. Much more than Hefner
ever could or would want to be, Spec
was the embodiment of the sophisticated
urbane male PLAYBOY was aiming for.
Also, he had terrific connections.

In 1956, rravsoy stopped publishing
reprints and began buying original work
from the best writers and artists around,
paying $2000 and up for a lead story. By
the end of the year, the magazine had
bought fiction from Ray Bradbury, Budd
Schulberg, Evelyn Waugh, Philip Wylie,
Wolcott Gibbs, John Steinbeck, Max
Shulman, P. G. Wodehouse and Alberto
Moravia. At 800,000 and rising, PLAYBOY
passed Esquire as the bestselling men's
magazine (duly noted in the autobiogra-
phy) and some genuine big-time adver-
users had begun to nibble; among them,
Winston, Budweiser, Marlboro and Hi-
ram Walker.

Everything was coming up money, in
a continuing gusher, or so it seemed.
And Hefner had never gotten over his
love affair with cartooning and humor.
PLAYBOY was already making cartoonists
such as Shel Silverstein and Jack Cole
famous; and a thematic thread among
the articles was the developing of a “new
humor,” in reviews and profiles of come-
dians such as Lenny Bruce, Mort Sahl,
Jonathan Winters, Shelly Berman, Don
Adams, Bob Newhart, et al. Because of
Hefner's abiding fascination with hu-
mor, PLAYBOY was right there on the
crest of that new wave.

It is an axiom of guerrilla warfare that
when you begin to feel comfortable,
you're about to be dead. Nineteen fifty-
seven was to be that kind of year.

Circulation figures showed that
PLAYBOY'S fall newsstand sales had
slumped badly; in the spring of 1957,
internal upheaval among magazine di:
tributors sent all newsstand sales into
chaos, and the May PLAYBOY got creamed
by it, dropping below the level guaran-

to advertisers. During the first
months of 1957, HMH was losing ap-
proximately $50,000 per.

All sorts of cuts were instituted, Hefner
quit taking a salary and chopped one
quarter off the top from his executives.
It wasn’t enough. By July, it was dear
he'd need a $250,000 loan if he wanted
to keep PLaynoy afloat until the profit-
able autumn months. And to get it, he

(continued on page 288)

THE
SANTA

rest ye merry, gentlemen procrastinators. playboy once again
comes up with a sleighful of last-minute yuletide goodies

For those who do their shaving
with a sofety or stroight razor,
there’s a carved, water-resistant
wood bowl with soap and a wooden
handled extro-soft natural-bristle shav-
ing brush, by Scannon, $29.50. The soap
bowl with soap clone is priced at $21.

Vivitar's Model 35EM is a com-
pact 35mm comera that measures
only about 4" x 3" x 114” yet of-
fers automatic exposure control and shut-
ter speeds up to 1/1000th; a handy
retractable pop-out front lens makes it
ideal for someone on the go, $169.95.

The Memo/Chime is a stainless-
steel watch that hes a readout
for hours, minutes and seconds,
plus two separate 24-hour alarms, a
beeper chime thet sounds the hour, an
elapsed-time indicator and c 12-hour
slop watch, $225, with matching band.

Bird watchers, opera buffs and
theatergoers can easily pocket
these ultraclear 6x18 power
binoculars that measure a diminutive
3.7” x2.9" and weigh only about 8.2
елш, by Nikon, $124.50, including two
lens caps, neck strap and carrying pouch.

The music goes round and round
in а 0190% sound module that
measures only 4012” x 26" x 3⁄4”,
but when it comes out, the notes you
hear are very low in distortion, thanks to
the unit's radiated surface, which is equal
do 13 15" drivers, by BE.S., $599 each.

This velvet-covered jewelry box
that’s dosigned by Pierre Cardin
comes in three color combinc-
tions—black with gray interior, brown
with tan interior and ton with brown in-
terior; there's c lift-out tray for cuff
links, collar stays, elc, by Swank, $60.

Vivitar

PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARO IZUI

THE
ELEVENTH - HOUR
SANTA

Perrier-woter freaks will definite-
ly dig a three-piece silver set (gift
wrapped in o handsome presento-
ñon box) thot includes a bottle opener
and a pair of cops specifically designed
do fit Perrier’s green bottles and pre-
serve the carbonation, by Cartier, $45.

As a good-looking alternative to
the ubiquitous ice bucket, there's
this smoked-Lucite ice chest with
two individual Lucite containers, indi-
vidual cleor-lucite covers ond stainless:
steel side handles, for easy toting, by
Edgar Watkins for H. J. Stotter, $150.

Simon is c challenging game
‘thet tests one’s eye, hend and
memory skills; o small computer

housed in the saucer-shaped unit gener-

ates sequences of lights ond sounds
that the ployer must repeat exactly

s given, by Milton Bradley, about $40.

The Sunbeam Groomer Ro-
zor 8000 delivers ultraclose
shaves os it operates at

8000 strokes per minute ond features on
adjustable superthin grooming head
that lets you cut sideburns end groom
end trim a mustoche and beard, $54.95,

The see-through batteryless
Bomartan Acrylic Touch Clock,
measuring 427 х 34", dou-
Мез аз a minisculpture ог paperweight;
спе touch activates the hours and mi
utes—then just touch it again end the

seconds begin to flash, by Latoma, $200.

You con't go wrong with
champagne ond cavicr—
especially when the bubbly

is Dom Ruinart, from retailers at $13 to
$20 a bottle; ond the caviar is Romanofi's
"Affordable" line of lumpfish, salmon
286 end whitefish roe, about $1.30 to $4.

This lightweight bottery-
powered letter opener is
both safe and easy to vie;

all you do is direct the envelope into
the cutting guide and the unit takes
over, opening envelopes оз fost оз you
con feed them, by Poncsonic, $29.95.

Mer an electronic com-
puterized opponent, chal-
lenges you with six gomes

of skill, chance, memory and logic, in-
cluding ticktacktoe, music machine, echo,
blackjack 13, magic square end mind-
bender, by Parker Brothers, about $33.

You'll fip ever The Eggery,
a nifty opplicnce with twin
Teflon-cooted cooking sur-

faces that turns out perfect omelets,
eggs over easy, hamburgers, sandwiches,
French toast, even upside-down cake, with
а flick of the wrist, by Mirro, $24.95.

Fasytoclean Model 2002
electronic focd processor
has о microprocessor control

that offers 16 speeds, plus с oneto-50-
the control ponel provides
lay of speed ond time se-
lections, by Hemilton Beach, obout $130.

The Micromite 130 portable
recorder is the smallest
microcossetle machine avai

cble with Q-olert indexing, which allows
опе to record signals on the tope to indi-
cate the number, location ond length of
what's dictoted, by Dictaphone, $259.

Block Вох, o game of hide-
ondseek, con be ployed
solitaire or against on op-

ponent; one player hides up to five loco-
ions within a grid ond the other tries to
find them—but the clues ore trickier
than they seem, by Porker Brothers, $7.

287

PLAYBOY

288

ILLUSTRATED HISTORY

(continued from page 281)

“The Big Event in PLAYBOY’s life during 1959 was a
three-day Jazz Festival in early August.”

finally had to do something that must
have made him crazy: hand over 25 per-
cent of PLAYBOY's stock to Empire News
in exchange for the money.

In July 1957, Hefner observed in the
autobiography: “I have learned a lesson I
hope will never leave me: When things
are brightest and all is at its very best,
that’s the time to be thinking about to-
morrow, and making sure that enough is
being put away to cover the days when
all may not be quite as it should be. It
wasn't casy—giving up a part of what
I've worked so hard for—but more im-
portant, I haven't lost control of the
publication—and so the dream remains
intact.

The following year began with its own
kind of storm.

Enter pretty Elizabeth Ann Roberts,
the January 1958 Playmate. At sweet 16,
according to Illinois Jaw, she appeared to
be just two years too young to pose semi-
nude. Hefner, who took the picture, had
been told by her mother that she was 18,
and you'd never guess otherwise from
looking at the Playmate shot, which was,
incidentally, innocent and healthy—al-
most tame—even by 1958 standards: Eliz-
abeth Ann being a developed brunette,
almost zaftig, who's standing naked in
heels, turned three quarters away from
the camera, so she's mostly flank and firm
derriére, not a breast or a pubis in sight.
But a local columnist ran a tsktsk item
on it—despite the fact that Elizabeth
Ann was an honor student who planned
to become a model and that she had her
mothers full approval—and the indig-
nant citizens were off. Soon Hefner and
the girl's mother had a warrant issued
against them for leading to the delin-
quency of a minor.

The trial was jurisprudence at its fin-
est. Everyone was in court because of a
law designed to protect minors. The
judge ended up dismissing charges
against Hefner and the girl's mother,
while slapping Elizabeth Ann, who was
the theoretical protectee, with a 15-day
sentence for refusing to testify. Then, a
few days later, he issued a second verdict.
Charges were dropped against Elizabeth
Ann, and Hefner and her mother were
now not guilty.

By the end of 1958, ргАүвоү had
scrambled out of the financial hole of
the previous year. Circulation was mov-
ing inexorably toward and beyond the
magic 1,000,000 mark, and the advertis-
ing dam was broken, prestige accounts

came flowing in. At year's end, Hefner
wrote:

This labor of love has turned into
the most spectacular magazine suc-
cess of our generation, has brought
me in five years more recognition
and wealth and purpose than I ever
dreamed of having in an entire life-
time. I am—I think—one of the
Juckiest men in all the world. If
life ended tomorrow, I would have
had more of a real taste of it than
most can ever hope to have. I am
supremely happy. Happy beyond
words to express it.

One casualty in this high flight was his
marriage, which early in 1959 ended in
divorce after prolonged separation. Ever
since moving into the office on Superior
Street, Hefner had essentially lived and
breathed the magazine. He turned part
of that tiny first office into an apartment,
and it would sometimes be two weeks
between visits to his other apartment
and family on the South Side—about six
miles away. From the first, PLAYBOY Con-
sumed him and, шш be told, uy as he
might, he could never bring himself to
be Dagwood, He has since remarked that
the divorce left him free for the first
time, that until then he'd always been
trying, often without success, to behave
in ways pleasing to someone else. You
can feel the conviction in the section of

` The Playboy Philosophy in which he ad-

vises young men to strenuously avoid
such foreign entanglements until at least
ten years after they've left school, that it's
a time for goofing and checking things
our, not raising babies, Hefner is a lov-
ing father to his daughter, Christie, and
son, David, but there's a real wistfulness
when he writes about what he missed. It
also suggests part of why Hefner has
so vigorously been making up for lost
time ever since.

The Big Event in PLAYBOY's life dur-
ing 1959 was a three-day bash and Jazz
Festival sponsored by the magazine early
in August. Hefner's devotion to jazz and
big-band swing goes back almost as far as
his fascination with publishing. In high
school, he reviewed current Sinatra and.
Artie Shaw platters for the paper; and
from then intermittently through college,
he fronted his own band, at times called
Hef and the Hep Cats. Sinatra was god
and model and, according to some re-
ports, the EditorPublisher wasn't bad.
But jazz crooner is another of Hefner's
failed careers, like cartooning, and thus

in 1959, PLAYBOY'S bash emerged as the
biggest and best jazz festival to date, Crit-
ic Leonard Feather called it “the greatest
weekend in the 60-year history of jazz!”

But because PLAYBOY was still regarded
as dangerous in some circles, it almost
didn't come off. Originally to be part of
the Pan-American Games celebration in
Chicago that summer, it had been slated
for three days in the south bowl of Sol-
dier Field. After sinking almost $70,000
into the project, and booking nearly
every jazz great you could think of,
PLAYBOY was informed by the city that it
couldn’t have Soldier Field, after all—
something about possible damage to an
expensive new cinder track, which would
presumably remain pristine during the
AllStar football game and the Chicago-
land Music Festival that were still sched-
uled there. Closer to the truth was that
there had been heavy pressure from Chi-
cago's powerful Catholic machine, speak-
ing through the editor of the Roman
Catholic New World, who wrote to the
park district questioning PLavmov's fit-
ness to participate in the Pan-American
Games celebration.

"The Jazz Festival was out on the streets.

But not for long. Luckily, Chicago
Stadium was open for those dates, and
PLAYBOY quickly signed up. The stadium
held 22,000 people, several thousand.
fewer than Soldier Field, but it was
air-conditioned, which never hurts in
Chicago in August.

With Count Basie, Big Joe Williams,
Miles Davis, Dave Brubeck, Dizzy Gil-
lespie, Sammy Davis Jr., Louis Armstrong
and Ella Fitzgerald as headliners, it was
the biggest one-time event jazz lovers had
seen in the Fifties. At the end, a beaming
Hefner stood on the stage and said to the
cheering sea of people, “This is certainly
the greatest moment in my young Ше!”
In the autobiography, he describes it like
the fan he is:

Every performance was emotion
charged, topped by the moment near
the Festival's end, when Miss Ella
Fitzgerald, the first lady of jazz,
came into view on the turning stage.
The roar was greater, the Chicago
Stadium managers swore, than any
they'd ever heard at a championship
fight or any of the other great sports
eyents for which the Stadium is fa-
mous. More than 18,000 jazz fans
packed each of the three perform-
ances, but far from the unruly rock
"n' rollers expected by police, these
were serious music buffs who quieted
down to theaterstyle stillness to
catch the careful phrasing of Ahmad
Jamal and Miles Davis.

Another dream come true. The music
freak’s fantasy of bringing together every
band and performer who sends chills up
your spine, and then sitting there digging

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PLAYBOY

it all in bliss. It is characteristic that
Hefner had the focus and energy to
make it happen. To stand there with
people who'd been icons in your high
school pantheon, to be accepted as a
peer by people who created part of you:
What a rush.

As you may have noticed by now,
Hefner doesn't mind a challenge. Most
people would have been happy to have
started wh: 1959 was the biggest
men’s magazine cver—and which on a
perissuc basis was outselling Life and
Look as well. Not Hefner. In retrospect,
there's a hint of regret in his reaction to
PLAYmOY' swift initial success, quoted
earlier: “The dream has come true too
quickly to be fully appreciated.”

While he's never abandoned his inter-
est in the magazine, as soon as it was
again sailing along on its own, all sorts of
other things started popping. He needed
something to do. This in under two years:

+ Not one week after the Jazz Festival,
а television show called Playboy's Pent-
house was announced and it went on the
late October.

+ About the same time, Pl.
а classic late’

joy bought

ctorian brick mansion at
1340 North State Parks

extensive. renovation.
indoor pool. an underwater bar and a
duplex suite. Hefner himself supervised
the plans.

* On February 29, 1960, the first
Playboy Club opened for business to key-
holders only in Chicago. Two of the
largest attractions belonged to Bunny
June “The Bosom” Wilkinson, who
merited her nickname if ever anyone
did, the very same who made television
history on Playboy's Penthouse by bal-
icing two champagne glasses above the
neckline of her low-cut dress while an
extra posing as a waiter poured. The
Club such an immediate u
plans were made to open 50 around the
country. And in December 1960, a fourth
floor—the Penthousc—was added to the
cago Club as a showcase for top tal-
ent, a night club for keyholders inside
the Club.

* In December 1960, too, Hefner an-
nounced that a new magazine called
Show Business Illustrated would be forth-
coming,

* And by early 1961, Playboy Tours
and the Playboy Model Agency were
about to be added; at least they were
being worked on.

Ray Russell, who left to write novels
about that time, has called Hefner a
"battery pack," a seemingly endless ener-
gy source, and that seems pretty accurate,
While there's always too much to do,
there's never enough, either.

He could spend so much time on other
projects because PLAYBOY'S circulation
d ad revenue just kept climbing. By

late 1960, circulation had hit 1,300,000
and was going up so fast that PLAYBOY
found itself in the odd position of g
ting too far ahead of the compet
it did something interesting: raised the
cover price. Hefner says in the autobi-
ography:

With the September issue, rLAYnov
increased its cover price from 50
cents to 60 cents per copy, not be-
cause we needed the additional rev-
enue but because we are climbing
too quickly away from our advertis-
ing competition (Esquire, Sports
Illustrated, Holiday), all with circu-
lations below the 1,000,000 mark.
The new price will give us the same
or greater revenue while holding the
circulation somewhat in check and
presumably increasing its quality by
eliminating borderline readers.

In this same year-end wrap-up, he
quoted a fat significant statist
postwar baby boom would begin act
to boom during the Sixties and PLAYBOY'S
potential audience was due to increase by
72 percent in the next ten years. We were
ll into a new game.

The Cold War hit a rccord-low chill
factor as the Sixties arrived. In a black in-
ternational chess game, Castro had taken
Cuba, the U. S. bungled into the Bay of
Pigs and Khrushchev's ships full of mis-
siles, bound for Cuba, put the world
briefly on Doomsday Alert. In that re-
spect, the dread Fifties were still very
much with us, and getting worse. We

soon began sending "advisors" to
Vietnam.
But also in 1960, in London, Mary

Quant introduced the miniskirt. At Har-
vard, Tim Leary and Richard Alpert
were messing around with psychedelic
Mexican mushrooms, Sandoz LSD-25 and
other mind-expand R
smoky basement dub in Hamburg, a
tecnage rock group then known as the
Silver Beatles was working on thc act.
Change was blowin' in the wind.

Handsome prime symbol of the com-
ing shift was John F. Kennedy in the
White House—not pretty
ckie, with her great toothy smile and
pillbox hats. You can be sure that if
Nixon had won in 1960, he never would
have invited Hefner to the Inauguration.
Kennedy did, and Hefner went, taking
Playmate and longtime sometime girl-
friend Joyce Nirzari as his date. A big
moment among many for Hefner, cer-
tainly, but, better, a Playmate at the
Inauguration.

The invitation said much about what
a part of the culture PLAYBoY had be-
come since 1953, but it suggested as well
how much the culture had changed in
that time. Many of the ideas and values
that PLAYBOY had taken so much shit for

to mention

in the Fifties were on their way to be-
coming mainstream. Camelot had ar-
rived, and it looked as if the young were
going to inherit the earth.

Among those out in the water first to
atch that changing wave, PLAYBOY was
riding it right in the pipeline. And, as a
result, experienced in those first years of
the Sixties an initially subtle but pro-
found shift of its own: By fits and starts,
it was changing from a magazine to an
empire,

The most obvious indicators were the
Playboy Clubs, Late in 1961, Hefner
wrote in the autobiography

With just three Playboy Clubs in
operation, Playboy Clubs Interna-
tional will carn about as big a profit
this year as the publishing side of
the Playboy empire, and it will very
soon be a matter of the tail wagging
the dog, as far as profits from this
latest Playboy offshoot are concerned.

Beyond the novelty of a chain of pri-
vate night clubs offering food, entertain-
ment and pretty waitresses wearing
stylized rabbit cars and cleavage, the
Clubs were and are a tangible physical
extension of the magazine. That made
them a focusing point for an increasing
n America with Playboy.
The opening of a new saloon isn't usu-
ally thought of as hot news, but when a
Baltimore Club w nnounced as in the
works, every newspaper in town went
into a tizzy of front. page coverage. The
Clubs set off a surge of national and
ternational publicity about Playboy that
even Hefner himself hadn't expected.

In 1961, the Canadian Broadcasting
Corporation did an hourlong radio docu-
mentary on the Playboy empire; in its
less" section, Time ran a

him in The Realist; on the day the New
Orleans Club opened, Hefner was greet-
ed at the airport by officialdom and
given a key to the city; The Saturday
Evening Post prepared a long profile;
and more. In the present jargon, Playboy
was happening.

Confident and yet in continuing won-
der at the path of his life, Hefner wrote
at the end of the year:

We've received more publicity
overall in the last 12 months than in
the first seven years combined and,
like a snowball, this is probably just
the beginning, too. ... The Playboy
empire and its prexy have grown in
fame and stature over the last 12
months to a degree that could never
have been imagined a year or so
ago. ... It's difficult to bring into
perspective and fully appreciate, but
we are truly becoming, in our own.
time, a legend. And what docs it feel

c
IMPORTEO BY CALVERT OIST. CO , NY.

1098 SCOTCH WHisKitg

PASSPORT

like, bei
feels ju

One thing wasn't so great: Show Busi-
ness Illustrated. From the first issue in
Scptember 1961, Hefner had been un-
happy about the editorial product, cre-
ated initially by a sleek fleet of editors
imported from New York. Practically
everyone involved ad sion
of what went wrong. but what came out
was just another magazine, lacking real
personality, and it mainly sat there on the
newsstands. A few issues into it, Hefner
replaced the sleek fleet with his ace
PLAYBOY troops—chiefly Spectorsky and
Paul—and began pouring more and
more time into it himself. The figurcs
began to turn around and head upward,
but not at a rate that justified the effort
or the investment—$2,000,000 as of Jan-
uary 1962. Hefner reluctantly sold it to
Huntington Hartford for $250,000
SBI was devoured by Hartford's 4
magazine, which he'd started, apparently,
as a hobby—about the same time SBI
came out. Show—at least that version of
it—didn't last much longer.

PLAYBOY'S progress through 1962 was
such that the red ink from SBI was al-
most completely eradicated by the end
of the year. It was a big year inside the
magazine, In September, partly as an
outgrowth of the Candid Conversations
that 1 been running in SB/, the first
Playboy Interview, featuring Miles Davis
(and conducted by a free-lance writer
named Alex Haley) was published.
Mainly through the efforts and strong
hand of Editor Mur
raised the art of the ma;
several levels. In October, Little Annie
Fanny—a creation of Hef's in collaboi
tion with former Mad cartoon wizards
Harvey Kurtzman and Will Elder—put
in her first nce, grinning and
g- And in December
commenced the first installment. of a
series that would finally stretch to 25
parts: The Playboy Philosophy.

It, too, was a result of the tremendous
publicity rush PLAYBOY had experienced
the past year or so. All the attention
and hoopla meant that Hefner was being
constantly asked all sorts of questions
about his magazine and budding , em-
pire—many of them regarding its values,
or supposed lack of them. Since the be-

g legend? Well, it

gali
t great!

ginning, he'd tried his best to show
people that PLAYBOY wasn't intended as
just another girlie magazine, that it was

more, a way of life. The TV show,
Playboy's Penthouse, had been an early
attempt to reach nonreaders (who were
usually those with the lowest opinion of
PLAYBOY) and ket them sce this; in reg
ular segments, it featured serious discus-
mong Hefner, Spectorsky and
pus current intellectual heavyweights
regarding the meaning and impact of
PLAYBOY in American society. But except

for a single short editorial against nu-
clear proliferation, the magazine had
never run a straightahead statement of
policy. The idea until then had been
more indirect, to let the contents repre-
sent its values. By 1962, however, it
seemed time to lay it out.

The original plan was to do the Phi-
losophy in two modest parts for the holi-
day issues, blam blam. Several things
happened to change that. One was that
the first installment in December 1962
created an inundation of m and re-
sponse, much of it of the go go go vaxiety.
But equally important, Hefner really got
into writing it. He remarked frequently
while working on it that it was by far
the most satisfying project he'd taken on
in a long time, maybe since beginning
the magazine. The ideas just came pour-
ing out.

Hefner readily acknowledges that it
isn’t a philosophy in the strictest sense,
since it's not a systematic body of
thought and doesn’t entirely hang to-
gether in that respect. It was written on
Dickensian deadlines, often only a few
jumps ahead of a printer whose overtime
meter was running—which didn't permit
graceful order. Several times he an-
nounced that at the end it would be
unscrambled and put into more struc-
turally coherent form, but other projects
apparently intervened and it never
happened.

Lhe Philosophy 1s really more what it
was called in the subhead: a credo, а
statement of Hefner's belicfs. Sometimes
repetitious, sometimes given to long €
liptical excursions away from the osten-
ble main path. nevertheless, a
scinating document. Elsewhere in this
issue, you'll find The Playboy Philoso-
phy, a sampler of the ideas Hefner
brought home, Just as interesting in the
origii are the flashes of real life scat-
tered through it, especially Hefner
sionate defense of Lei Bruce during
his sad, pointless troubles with Chicago's
bluenoses and men in blue. In doing so,
Hefner took on some very big guys, in-
decd—particularly his old friendly ene-
mies, Chicago's Catholic establishment,

The Lenny Bruce installments of the
Philosophy were published in the April
and May 1963 issues. By some strange
coincidence, the June issue was declared
obscene by the office in charge of enforc-
ing Chicago's obscenity laws. Four cops

nd a CBS-TV crew showed up at the
Chicago Mansion at night to roust Hef-
ner and him down to South State
Street to book and fingerprint and mug-
shot him. The ch fter all the smoke
cleared away. was violation of a Chicago
city

A bust for a bust: "The alleged obscen-
ity occurred in an eight-page pictorial
featuring Jayne Mansficld on the set of
her latest movie, Promises, Promises. The

particular offending sequence showed
Jayne re-creating a scene from the movie.
Lying nude not nearly beneath sheets on
a bed, she tries without success to seduce
her husband (played by Tommy Noo-
nan), who's sitting in a suit on the edge
of the bed, reading a book, indifferent to
her. Or, as one also offending cap
put it, “Alas, poor Jayne. As she writhes
about seductively, the best she can draw
from Noonan are some funny lines.” Hot
stuff, eh?

Never mind that Supreme Court deci-
sions then and now don't require pic
tures to be “art” to avoid being obscene;
or that just two weeks earlier at a Loop
theater, a French film starring newcomer
Elke Sommer had been shown that
cluded a scene—passed by the Chicago
Censor Board—in which shes lying
nude as Jayne on the deck of a boat, but
additionally in the passionate embrace of
a man. Didn't matte

With the trial set for November, Hef
ner devoted large chunks of two up-
coming Philosophy installments to the
brouhaha, demonstrating in detail th:
by no present-definition of the word w
the June issue obscene. Better, as a ser
ice to Lenny Bruce fans everywhere, and
a fine editorial thumb in the nose at all
the Bruce baiters in ago and else.
where, pLavnoy began im the October
issue to serialize Bruce's autobiography—
edited, incidentally, by Paul К ner.

The trial had its moments. Star. pusc-
cution witness was one Dr. Busby,
vchiatrist from Des Plaines, Ilinois. He
ified, according to the Sun-Times,
“that the content constituted an attack
on society's values and that the nude
photos of movie queen Jayne Mansfield
were sexually stimulating.” He added
that the June installment of the Philos-
oply revealed Hefner to be “beset by
feelings of inferiority and guilt.

Under cross-examination, Dr. Busby
admitted that he had no psychoanalytic
taining,

Asked if he had ever read Freud's essay
on Wild Psychoanalysis, he responded
that he hadn't.

The defense lawyer, wrote the Sun-
Times, "read to the court excerpts from
the essay in which the founder of psycho-
ysis touched on the dangers of
laymen and even physicians making psy-
choanalytic judgments without thorough
training. .. . The psychiatrist was asked
how he personally reacted to the spread
on Miss Mansfield. ‘As a person, 1 was
stimulated, but as а doctor who is used
to these things. I was not,’ he replied.”

The defense lawyer remarked that
making such fine distinctions must be
difficult.

It went on like that, ending two weeks
later in a mistrial, A hung jury, seven for
acquittal, five for conviction, deadlocked.

(continued on page 298)

293

a few basic pointers
lo help you keep your
cool on the dance floor @

PHOTOGRAPHY BY GARY HEERY
PRODUCED BY MICHAEL. BERRY
AND JOHN BLUMENTHAL

HOW TO IDENTIFY A DISCO

People often mistake synagogues The word disco сап be misleading. — Yes, thisis your basic disco. (What
for discos. How can you tell the This isa drugstore. Also watch out else could\it be—an odyssey
difference? For one thing, the — for Disco Hospital, Disco Kennels, store?) If people go in cool and
women are sexier іп а synagogue. Disco College, Disco Cleaners and соте out sweaty. it's probably a
1 myself have been luckier there. Disco Theological Seminary. disco...or an\!RS audit bureau

DISCO ACCESSORIES

Mer!

Coke Spoon \

Name Tag i

YOUR BASIC ENSEMBLE

OK, so the coke spoon’s a bit big, but girls at discos are into
big, right? No problem—put a few grams of detergent or
some baby laxative in a foil wrapper and go to the bathroom. А A
12 times every hour. On your name tag, use something
provocative like ACCOUNTANT. OF HUNG, Or just wear a doctor's
beeper on your belt and furrow your brow when it beeps.

PRACTICE MAKES
PERFECT 7

Whom you choose as your practice
partner can be very, very important.
Any old airhead won't do. (I met my
partner, Loretta, at a disco. and when
1 held her in my arms for the first time,
1 was amazed—she seemed lighter
than air!) What | like most about
Loretta is that she's not writing "the
woman's novel,” nor has she ever
said, “What 1 really want to do 15 di-
rect." We have a great rapportand our
practice sessions move along quickly.
And, frankly, | never feel Used when
she asks if | know anyone who could
get her a job as an anchorperson.

296

DAVE'S FAVORITE DANCE STEPS

Alot of guys ask me, "Dave, what's the right dance for me?" My advice is to choose a dance that says the most about what kind of
person you are—most of my students start with the jerk and work up to the monkey. Dancing is easy. It's all inthe eyes. Never look
at your partner, except to check if she's still there. And never, never smile — only schmucks smile while they're dancing.

The Aztec

SEEN & e

The Bump.

AT THE DISCO

STAND BY THE LADIES' ROOM

Let's face it, guys, once you're in the disco, the object is to check out
the available females, while at the same time making yourself as visible
as possible. My statistics indicate that the female of the species visits
the ladies’ room on the average of four times in any given hour. You can
tell a lot about a girl by the number of times she visits—if it's only once
every hour, she's probably not a big drinker. If it's eight or more times
an hour, she’s probably just gotten back from Mexico. If several
attractive girls go in together and nobody comes out for over an hour or
so, it's perfectly all right to go on in and investigate—there’s probably
something very kinky happening and no one will mind your intrusion.

ГА тһе /
Ø quercum Р. /
Hustle Doodoo £

NEVER WEAR SUNGLASSES INSIDE

Since most discos are dark, you're better off not wearing your sun-
glasses, even though this lessens your cool by a few grams. Discos
that feature mirrored walls can also lead to some confusion if you wear
your sunglasses. A friend once spent an entire evening putting the

make on his reflection —asked himself to dance, took himself out for a
nightcap and brought himself back to his place before he realized his
error. This can be a waste of time. Even if you're not wearing shades,
those mirrored walls can be tricky. I've noticed that walking head on
into à wall can tend to lower your cool at a disco. My advice is to ask
someone not wearing shades where the walls are early in the evening.

HOW TO ASK HER TO DANCE

First Make Eye Contact

I've always been a great believer in the subtle
approach, but if that fails, go right for the
buffoon approach. Notice how I've managed to
amuse her? She's fighting it, trying to look
disgusted, but | can see right through that.

HOW TO CLEAR
A CROWDED
DANCE FLOOR

Most people think that in order to clear a
crowded dance floor, you have to make a nui-
sance of yourself. Not true—if you've followed
my instructions to the letter, you won't need to
push and shove, because after the first five
minutes the other dancers will voluntarily clear
a space for you and stand in a semicircle,
lotally enchanted by your display of grace and
artistry. (if they don't do this voluntarily, then
make a nuisance of yourself.) | don't think it's
being immodest to point out that I've captured

Don't Let Her Know You're Desperate

As you can tell, she’s practically begging me to
take her for a spin on the dance floor, but I'm
being very, very casual about it. I've got her
wrapped around my little finger, so to speak.
It's quite obvious that she's crazy about me.

everybody's imagination, including that of my partner, who is nauseous with admiration. The
crowd is going wild! (If you get them really excited, you can actually hear them hissing with
delight!) And the disco’s managers are pleased, because while dancing, | am also cleaning the
dance floor with my jacket. This crowd loves me. See how they egg me on toward my big finale.

Be Cool if She Turns You Down

So she doesn’t want to dance with me, so
what? It's her loss, right? Hey, I'm a mature
adult, | can handle a little rejection—I've been
shot down before. Right about now, she's prob-
ably impressed by my nonchalant attitude.

PLAYBOY

ILLUSTRATED HISTORY

(continued from page 293)

“Playboy had outgrown its offices on Ohio Street,
sprawling into several other buildings.”

"There were newspaper stories afterward
bout a new trial, but evidently no one
had the energy for it, because there never
was one.

In January 1964, ervmov turned ten
years old. Circulation was up to 2,000,000;
nine Clubs were in operation; Playboy
Products of all sorts—induding Bunny
Chocolate—were selling like, well,
bit-embossed ankle bracelet
real-estate empire was beginning to accu-
mulate; and the number of employees
had grown from the original seven to
nearly 2000.

This period also marked for Hefner
the beginni earnest of The Years
Indoors. They were prefigured by the
statement in the very first issue that “we
plan to spend most of our time in-
side. We like our apartment.” Now that
the apartment had become the Playboy
з no reason to leave.
As Tom Wolfe exclaimed: “Hugh Hef-
ner is at the center of the world. He is
deep down inside his house—at the cen-
ter of his bed. The center of the world!”

And as Norman Mailer described the
Mansion during a party there: ~Time-
less, spaceles, it was outward bound.
One was in an ocean liner which traveled
t the bottom of the sca, or on a space-
ship wandering down the galaxy along a
night whose duration was a year.

Judging from the numbers, Hefner
really didn’t have to step out too often.
Between January 1964 and January
1968, PLAYBoY's circulation went from
2,000,000, which was remarkable already,
to over 5,000,000, which was a genuine
magazine-business miracle. During that
the Clubs also expanded in new,
ambitious directions, with a Resort Hotel
in Jamaica, a year-round Resort at Lake
Geneva, Wisconsin, and a ten-story Ch
with a casino in London's posh Park
Lane. As a service to keyholders, VIP
magazine began in 1964; and in the same
year, the old Surf Theater on Chicago's
Near North Side became the Playboy
Theater.

As always, new projects abounded.
One from that time that would have in-
creasing significance was the establish-
ment of the Playboy Foundation. The
very first grant was $1000 toward court
costs for a man involved in a Flori
heterosexual-sodomy case, The case even-
tually reached the Supreme Court. The
second grant, for $6000, went toward
legal help for a West Virgi i
jockey doing one to ten for

ggg to a crime against nature"—heterosexual

fellatio. Just as the Forum section in the
magazine had grown naturally out of
the considerable response to the Philos-
ophy, the Foundation quickly became
the action arm of the Forum, taking sides
on the issues discussed there in the form
of cold cash.

Also in 1965, Hefner did something
from the depths of his furJined subma-
rine that must have been yet another
great kick. Playboy had outgrown the
olices оп Ohio Street, sprawling once
more into several other buildings around
the neighborhood. At the time and still,
the deco jewel of North Michigan Ave-
nue was indisputably the Palmolive
Building. Its 37 floors then towered
ove everything nearby on the so-called
Magnificent Mile. The soaring black
crossed girders of the Hancock Building,
the world’s first high-rise oil rig, hadn't
yet put it in shadow, nor put a blink in
the famous Lindbergh Beacon rising
from the top. The Palmolive Building
was and remains a Chicago landmark.
Better, it was the very same in which
Hefner had toiled in a cubicle for
Esquire. And, you guessed it, sweet re-
venge on a super scale, he bought the
building. For all practical purposes, any-
way, since the lease doesn’t terminate
until 2098. He renamed it Playboy and
put the magazine's name across the top.

Hefner had leased the building with-
out setting foot inside it again, signed

way his money without even seeing for
himself if the basement leaked. By early
1967, when architect Ron Dirsmith was
completing the lavish futurist renova-
tions (much white stucco in organic
shapes and forms, executive desks with
travertine-marble tops, carpeted fre
stairs) and the first departments were
moving from Ohio Succt, Hefner had
become such a celebrated recluse ti it
made “Kup's Column” one morning
when he actually went outside, to а party
in the suburbs for Arnie Morton, then
head of the Clubs and an old friend.

But that period was coming to an end.
One sleek black signal was announced in
July 1967: the purchase at $4,500,000 of
an airplane, a DC-9. It was to be done
over in typical Playboy fashion (there
would be a shower in the boss's
suite, etc), painted shiny black and chris-
tened the Big Bunny. Evidently, Hefner
was getting ready to leave hcaven on
occasion.

Several factors prompted it, personal
and otherwise.

Until 1968, Hefner couldn't bring him-

self to delegate one tenth the authority
he should have, given the startling
growth and increased complexity the cor-
poration had experienced. He stayed
home all the time because he worked all
the time, except for regular therapeutic
parties. His weight dropped from 175 to
135; in news pictures, he looked gaunt
and burned. But not burned out. Bright
enough to see the end of that path, he
realized that he'd better change quickly.
By the summer of 1968, he was working
out and cating, building his weight
back up.

Beyond staying alive, there was a sec
ondary reason to let up, get in shape and
get out more. It w: intriguing image,
the young recluse Howard Hughes with
a harem, but it was hardly accurate and
had begun to bother Hefner, who dis-
likes being misunderstood. He decided
to revive the television show in a new,
improved format. It would be called
Playboy After Dark and he would be
host. Scheduled for wary premiere,
the show began taping in Los Angeles in
late July 1968. Hefner had gotten
healthy again and traded his terrycloth
bathrobe and slippers in on 515,000
worth of snappy Edwardian suits.

Two much-publicized things happened
to Hefner in August.

First and more pleas
on the set of P.4.D., an 18-year-old extra
named Barl Klein, an ex-Miss Teen-
с Sacramento. Within a year, she'd
become Barbi Benton and Hefner was
flat-out in love.

The second was less fun and more sign
of the times. One night during the Dem
ocratic Convention, Hefner and friends,
including Max Lerner, went out for a
walk, to see what was happening in Lin-
coln Park. They wandered by accident
into a police riot against protesters near
the park: bloody long-hairs ducking and
running, polished oak night sticks flash-
ing, thin gray clouds of tear gas dappling
the grass like ground fog. As Lerner de-
scribed it in his newspaper column, “We
got tangled in a group of spectators and
stragglers from an earlier ‘hippie’ demon-
stration, were chased down a side strect
by a police car, were threatened by a
small phalanx of guns held by cops who
jumped out of the car, and barely man-
aged to get away without serious trouble
except for an injury to Hefner by a
police club.”

Some of the subsequent press made
more of the incident than it merited,
coming up with a cartoon version that
went: The whack on the ass had rad
calized Hefner and his magazine. It
in fact, neither so sudden nor quite radi.
cal, but the image brought focus on
something that was very definitely going
on in the pages of PLvsoy—and. had
been for some time. The bloody Chicago

(continued on page 392)

nt was meeting,

It tastes like real apricot.
Naturally.
Because ifs Leroux.

Sip a Leroux Apricot and you'll think you've picked it off the
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enough for Leroux International
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b hi Er v. Leroux, no other liqueurs will do.

The Leroux Apricot Sour.
Å Mix М oz. lemon or lime juice, 1; oz.
| Leroux Apricot Flavored Brandy, 1 tsp.
М sugar, 1 oz. fresh orange juice. Shake,
E strain, garnish with orange
slice and cherry.

a
Th

Leroux Srnatiońàl em. g

From France, Italy, U.S., Austria, and Denmark.
Por flee recipes. write Generol Wine б Spirits, Dox 1645 FDR Srorion. N.Y.. N.Y. 10022

OU P —

PLAY BOY'S ANNUAL AWARDS

announcing the prize-winning authors, artists, photographers and cartoonists whose contributions
were judged to be the year’s most outstanding —plus special awards to some contributors whose
works have added significantly to the success of this magazine over the past quarter century

WRITING
SPECIAL AWARD

E Best Major Work: Fiction.

IRWIN SHAW hos been— since May 1955, when we
published The Eighty Yord Run, which wos tied to college
football—one of PLAYBOY'S most prolific contributors.
Coincidentally, his most recent contribution, Full Many o
Flawer (January 1978), also invclved football. In the inter-
vening yeors, PLAYBOY readers have been entertained by a
brood spectrum of short stories and sneak previews of his
novels Rich Man, Poor Man (subsequently translated into
‘one of television's most successful miniseries) and Beggar- WILLIAM HJORTSBERG's two-part mystery
mon, Thief. Expatriote Shaw, who hos lived in Englond, thriller in October ond November, Falling Angel,
France ond Germany, presently makes his home in Klosters, gn] leods private eye Harry Angel through a voodoo
Switzerland, where he is finishing work on his tenth novel. maze. This award is not Hjortsberg’s first from
PLAYBOY. He was named Best New Fiction Contrib-
utor in 1971. Graham Greene is runner-up
~ with Februory's The Human Factor, from his novel.

Best Short Story

Best New Contributor
EUR

JOHN UPDIKE wins for The Faint (May), a story TREVANIAN, whose blank portroit indicates a
on of on expiring love that is solvaged at the eleventh passion for privacy that rivals Thomas Pynchon's,
- hour by the lady doing what harassed genteel ladies picks up first prize for Switching (December), on

- are scid to do. Runner-up в Kingsley Amis for acerbic look at the singles-bor milieu. Arthur

The Dorkwater Hall Mystery (May), o deadpon Rosch places second for Sex and the Triple Znar-

Sherlock Holmes spoof in which, for once, long- Fichi (September), his biofantosy exploring life on

suffering second banona Dr. Watson tokes charge. а planet whose humanoids come in six sexes.

Once again, the staffs of the Editorial, Art and Photo Departments (with the cartoon people getting in on the act for
the first time) have had their annual office shoot-out to establish who wins what. There were tough decisions to
make, but we made them. Each award winner will pick up a nifty medallion and a niltier stack ol Federal Reserve

Notes. Winning writers in each category will receive $1000, runners-up, $50!

winning illustrators get $1000, honor-

able mention, $500. Photo prizes are: $1000 each for best pictorial essay and best Playmate shooting; $500 each Гог best
pictorial reportage and best service pictorial, The top-ranked cartoonist in each category will have $1000 coming his
way. And, by way of celebrating our 25th anniversary, PLAYBOY is presenting special $2500 awards to those who helped
make all the celebrating possible through their contributions over the years. Now, let's hear it for the contributors.

SPECIAL AWARD

ALEX HALEY, whose genealogy is no secret to most of
Americo, is like a member of PLAYBOY's fomily. Long before
he researched ond wrote Roots, Haley worked os a
PLAYEOY interviewer. Debuting with а condid conversation
with Miles Davis (September 1962), he continued inter-
viewing such high-voltage people os Muhommod Ali, Dr.
Martin Luther King, Jr., Malcolm X ond George Lincoln
Rockwell. We recopped highlights from those interviews
lest Jonvary in Alex Haley's Candid Conversations. Roots
was excerpted in ovr mogazine in October 1975. Since
Roots’s blockbuster video bow, Haley hos been involved
with Roots: The Next Generations, upcoming on ABC-TV.

Best Nonfiction

"222 PUSHED
то TO THE
555 EDGE

Best Humor

there. First, Hecven Can Woit, his codirectoriol

debut, wos o criticol ond box-office hit. Now he is a
winner for My Night ot Plolo's Retreot (Moy), а
Phollus-in-Wonderlond occount, Shel Silver-
stein is runner-up with The Smoke Off (January),
o poem about a pot High Noon in Yankee Stodium.

init
HE
ju

mm
j
It us

CRAIG VETTER comes їп first
with his five-port series Pushed
to the Edge (February through
June), in which he come close to
not being around to collect his
prize. Fortunately, he survived to
report firsthond on ice climbing,
ski jumping, sky diving, airplone
wing walking and cliff diving. The
George Plimpton of death sports,
Vetter revecled his secret survival
tool—yogo. No word from run-
ner-up Arthur Bell on whet kept
him on top of the John Knight mur-
der case for Kings Don’! Meon o
Thing (October). The Village Voice
columnist troced the bizarre troil
to ond from the murder of publish-
ing heir Knight. Bells oward-vinring
article was odapted from his book.

ILLUSTRATION

SPECIAL AWARD

LEROY NEIMAN is arguably the best-known artist in America опа if you don't believe us, just ask him. Turn on the
tube to almost any major athletic event and i's even money that the flomboyontly mustachioed Neimon— who gained
fame on ABC's Wide World of Sports —м be there with pen in bond and cigor in mouth, rendering on paper whotever

field of play he's covering. Neiman hos been associated with PLAYBOY almost from its inception (he illustrated o Chorles
Beaumont short story for our September 1954 issue). His contributions over the years hove ranged from creating our
Party Jokes Femlin to the famous Mon ot His Leisure series, which took PLAYBOY readers to such exotic spots os Monaco,
Morocco ond Las Vegos: In fact, there oren't many subjects or places tho! Neiman hosn't painted. Thot's our boy, LeRoy!

Best Fiction Illustration

FRANK GALLO wins for his
epoxy relief created for John Up-
dike'sThe Faint (Moy), thus making
The Foint o double winner (Updike
took our Best Short Story Award).
The relief was acquired recently by
the Illinois State Museum. Gollo, o
professor of sculpture ct the Uni-
versity of Illinois, hos developed o
unique tinted-epoxy material for his
work, which is noted for the soft
translucency of its humon forms. The
recipient of countless prizes, Gollo
has his work in mony ort museums,
induding New York's Whitney Mu-
seum ond Museum of Modern Art
His lotest creations ore being shown
ot Chicago's Gilmen Galleries

Best Nonfiction Illustration

HERB DAVIDSON is honored forhis oil portrcit of
Telly Savalas for Telly Loves Yo (June). The Chicago
reolist hos had one-man shows around the country
ond has exhibited in Europe. His “warts ond oll”
pointing is remorkoble for its accuracy, right down
to the disfigured index finger. The only thing missing
from artist Dovidson’s illustrotion is the lollipop.

FRANK FRAZETTA, whose cil painting illustrated
Arthur Rex (September), is famous for the physical
vitelity and high dramo of his work. Frozetta, who
hos ochieved cult-hero status in the sci-fi and fantasy
fields, used to work os o comic-book illustrotor
(Conan the Borborian ond Buck Rogers). And he
once created female figures for Little Annie Fonny.

PHOTOGRAPHY

SPECIAL AWARDS

POMPEO POSAR, rov a PLAYBOY Staff Pho-
tographer, was shopping promotion stills for a
Chicago TV show in 1960. One day, he om-
bled over to the adjacent Playboy's Penthouse
set ond took some photos, gratis. The rest, os
they soy, is history. Posar is known for his talent
at spotting Playmate possibilities. Amang his
discoveries: 1977 Playmate of the Year Patti
McGuire. His photos grace 39 PLAYBOY covers.

MARIO CASILLI's studio is the former public
library of Altadena, California. But don't expect
to find mony librarians there. Since his first
Playmote shooting in September 1957. Cosilli's
PLAYBOY assignments have been in the hundreds.
His projects have included such stellar ottroc-
tions as Mamie Van Doren (June 1964) ond,
probably his biggest ottention getter to date, on
October 1977 caver lensing of Barbro Streisand

Best Pictorial Essay

BILL ARSENAULT wins for his February feature
Close Encounters of the Fourth Kind, on extrater-
restrial romp where boy meets space girl for
out-of-this-world sex. Arsenault, a 14-year PLAYBOY
veteran, pulled it off with o few simple props, silver
grease paint and a latex mosk. Managing Art
rector Kerig Pope conceived ond helped praduce it.
Best Service Pictorial

DON AZUMA's prize-winning Christmas Gift
Guide was a rough assignment. He had ta shoot all
; those great gifts—and then return them. Contrib-
uting Photographer Azumo's hallmorks are simplic-
ity, a бой for dramatic lighting, o strong sense of
design and meticulous attention to detail (he built
а black-tile “bathroom” to showcase the Jacuzzi)

Best Playmate Pictorial

KEN MARCUS tokes the prize for his Februory
shaoting of Jonis Schmitt, a Bunny in our St. Louis
Club. The layout includes о bicycle, satin sheets and
strowberry frozen yogurt. But Marcus says the
credit belongs to Schmitt, whom he describes os one
of the most cooperative Playmates ever. For more
of Marcus’ work, see Playboy's Ploymate Review.

Best Pictorial Reportage

ROBERT SCOTT HOOPER hos made it twa in a
rowas on award winner. He photographed the Best
Playmate Pictorial in 1977. This year, with assist-
cnt Thereso Holmes, Hooper invoded three New
York sex clubs, cameras о! the ready, for May's
Public-Sex Breakthrough. The phota team had ane
problem—the subjects were “rather uncontrollable.”

CARTOONING

SPECIAL AVARD

GAHAN WILSON : assaciation with PLAYBOY dates back to December 1957, when one af his block-cnd-white cartoons
first ran in the magazine. While his usually ghoulish cartoons can be found in other publ
The New Yorker and The New York Times, Wilson has been most closely associated with PLAYBOY over the years, contrib-
uting something nearly every month (see apposite page). Wilson and PLAYBOY found each ther almost by accident. He had
соте to Chicago to show his dréwings to another magazine but discovered йз affices were in New York. Meanwhile, he'd
heard thet a fellow named Hef was lacking for him, so he dropped in on us. And thot, dear readers, turned out to
be what's known as kismet. All you Wilson fons aut there, take note; aur master of the maccbre is planning а novel.

tians, including

Best Comic Strip

HARVEY KURTZMAN ond WILL ELDER are
ca-winners for their October installment af Little
Annie Fanny, which set our wide-eyed innacent loose
in a Hollywood special-effects department.
Kurtzman and Elder, who warked tagether at Mad
magazine, have been chronicling Annie's misodven-
tures on PLAYBOY’s pages since October 1962.

Best Black-and-White Cartoon

J. B. HANDELSMAN is numero uno far his May
cortoon captioned “Read your policy. Mindless
vandalism by disadvantaged sociopaths comes
under the company's definition of acts of боё,”
Handelsmon, whose crisp drawings ond witty obser-
votions come to us from Surrey, England, first mode
оп appearance in PLAYBOY in September 1965.

Best Cartaon Series

B. KLIBAN wins for Tiny Footprints ond Other
Drawings, which appeared in our May issue. The
feature wos excerpted from his baok ofthe same title
published by Warkman. Kliban, the man wham cat
lovers and poster lovers love, first appeared here in
1962. He says if he weren't a successful cartoonist,
he'd most like to be a plostic surgeon. No kidding.

Best Color Cartaon

ELDON DEDINI wins far this cartoon captioned,

iscilla, the orchestra's playing our song" (June).
California cartoonist Dedini has been appearing on
our pages since December 1960. Many of his most
notable cartoons feature randy satyrs and pneumat-
ic nymphs rendered in his lush Rubenesque style.
Here, he takes on old line and gives it a wry twist-

years.”

-five

d have done without our subscription these past twenty

hat we

"E know w

“I just don

PLAYBOY

306 It

BRITISH DRAG

(continued from page 151)

“Little did I dream that ‘Picture of Innocence’ was to
attract the sort of fish I suspected swam in my pond.”

and when Iam becalmed or capsize, I have
onlytostep from the boatand wade ashore.
nough of metaphors; the problem that
faces me these days is to find a role for a
septuagenarian who isn't either a mad
scientist or a heartbroken academician or
even a gin-soused old circus clown. Noram
T attracted to the part of an octogenarian
butler who dies mysteriously in act one.
1 have a lifelong friend who directs
meaningful plays by little-known Bulgar-
ians. He descends on me whenever 1 am
out of work, bearing a play he is about
to direct for some worthy but obscure
provincial festival with the serious inten-
tion of transferring it later to Shaftes-
bury Avenue, when all the contracts can
be renegotiated. “It is not the sort of
part you usually play,” he informs me,
“but it has one wonderful scene where
you are under a motorcar trying to
change a tire. We never see your face,
but it would be a splendid chance to act
with your feet. To really act, you under-
stand. I know you could do it, if only
would give yourself a chance.
“I like to show my face,” I tell him.
Furthermore, I like it to be seen right
through the play and I like to be stand-
ing upright or, better sí ng down

Oh, well,” he tells me as he drives
off after luncheon, “at least I've tried to
get you to act properly. But if you won't,
you won't
won't,” I shout after him as he turns
out of the drive, “and I never will!

But after one of his visits this past
spring, just as I began thinking that per-
haps acting with one's feet couldn't be

I th: 1. a man named John Wells,
а fellow contributor ta Punch and once
a master at Eton College. arrived at my
home with clean paper and carbons and
his own typewriter, insisting that I sit in
my armchair while he pound away at my
desk. In four days, he captured three acts
of a play that had been flitting aimlessly
in my head for months.

Little did 1 dream when we finished
Picture of Innocence that it was to attract.
the sort of fish 1 always suspected swam
in my pond but hitherto had lurked in
the darker waters of despondency.

The play is about transvestism; the
tale of three fairly happily married men,
two of whom have kept their wives in
ignorance of their compulsive hobby. My
ch,

racters’ determination that all should
© their secret leads to complica-

tions—and a fairly di
avery English play.

trous tea party.

A play about transvestites docs not
necessarily attract transvestites to pay to
come and see it. It is the greatest theat-
rical fallacy to assume that because the
world is mad about football, you. have
only to construct a third act in the goal
mouth to haye the theater filled with
hearty kickers.

Imagine my delight, therefore, when
even before the rehearsals started. we
were contacted by one of the founding
members of the Beaumont Society, an
organization that exists to see that any
transvestite who joins shall continue to
be a happy transvestite and not despair
of his hobby, dress himself up for the
last time in his wife's petticoat and await
her return hanging from the banister,
Because you are a transvestite, there is
no need for drastic action, the society in-
forms its members, And it is a mistake
to wear your wife's petticoat, anyway, as
you will incvitably stretch it.

While Picture of Innocence was still
turning over in my mind, I had visited
my younger son in Australia. He is a
theatrical impresario wha recently co-
produced a play titled The Elocution of
Benjamin Franklin, which deals with an
elocution teacher who brings down the
wrath of Melbourne, or just possibly
Sydney, on his head by venturing forth
in drag and being wrongly accused of
child molestation, Transvestites, as far
as I know, never molest anyone, and the
play, as all good plays should, sends
the audience home to ponder man's in-
humanity to man.

In the course of rehearsals, my
had had the benefit o dvice from the
Sea Horse Club, а world-wide or
tion with roughly the same high purpose
as the Beaumont Society, and it was
arranged that 1 should entertain the
club's secretary at dinner. He called her-
self Petrina and she came, of course, en
femme. My initial reaction was one of
embarrassment. For one thing, 1 felt she
was not wearing the right wig, For an-
other, J had qualms about venturing into
the hotel restaurant with a lady who so
patently was not quite what she seemed.

Petrina, I found, had по real desire to
be mistaken for a woman. “Does the
waiter suspect?” I asked her when he had
retired after serving the smoked salmon.

“He'd be a fool if he didn't,” she
replied. “I talk like a man."

“Then what on earth is the object of
it all?” I asked.

“Tam not sure there is an object,” she
told me. "It's just that dressed as women,

son

we all feel more relaxed, more comfort-
able than we do in business suits.”
Petrina, or Peter, as she is called by
day, belongs to the dreaded profession
of business efficiency experts who follow
executives around their offices with a
stop watch, noting their potentiality for
wasting time, “As a rule,” she remarked
“we are a ruthless crowd; try to avoi
doing business with us, for we usually
get the better of vou.
Petrina was unusually frank about
Peter's ability to suggest to employers
where they were overstaffed. Did it worry
her that Peter’s recommendations some-
times led to dismissals?
Not particularly; it’s what I'm paid

for.”

As Petrina, however, she seemed to
have a heart of gold and cared deeply
for the plight of those who felt them-
selves cut off and lonely.

“Some men,” she told me, “will take
а room at a hotel for the night and just
dress themselves up and sit alone, staring
into a mirror, not daring to telephone
room service. Then, in the morning, they.
will pack up their dresses and make-up
nd throw them out of the car or hand
them over to the Red Gross, vowing
never again to give in to their other per-
sonality. Of course, it never works. A
month later, they are shopping around
antically for a new frock. In time, they
learn economy. if not courage.”

“Can you learn courage?” I asked.

"Jf you belong to the Sea Horse Club,
we iry to give you courage. We insist, for
example, that new members attend in
costume and not sneak and try to
change on the premises. To go out en
femme is the supreme release.”

"When they arrive, do you compli-
ment them on their dress?”

“No, not often. We might criticize one
nother if we discuss one another at all,
but usually we are more interested in
asking the new ones how we look."

“Do you wish to attract men

She found that a difficult question to
answer. "I am not a homosexual, but 1
like men to think how well I we my
clothes. It’s really people I know who
айога me the most satisfaction. If I'm
in the supermarket, Fm delighted if one
of my neighbors who knows me as both
Peter and Petr tells me how nice I
look. The neighbors matter to me.

"What about your child

“They still call me Father. I would
like them to call me Pewina, like my
wife does, when I am dressed, but they
never remember. I don't think children
should be nagged.

“The other day," Petrina went on, “1
thought it would be nice to open a sep-
arate bank account that I could charge
my clothes to. A lot of the stores have
special departments for our lot. I went

(continued on page 381)

CHEERS THROUGH THE YEARS

Compiled by EMANUEL GREENBERG

we celebrate our silver anniversary with a roundup of
25 innovative drinks published by us during the past quarter century

WHAT'S THE MOST felicitous way to toast PLAYBOY’ silver
anniversary? With a PLAYBOY drink, of course. To make
the occasion even more enjoyable, we've rounded up 25
outstanding examples from the myriad that have ap-
peared in these pages, the beat of the breed! They run

the gamut from summer coolers to holiday bowls, tangy
appetite whetters to after-dinner sips. You'll find them an
imaginative, piquant and occasionally inspired collec-
tion—each one a distinguished representation of the
barman's art, You may not endorse every choico—de

PHOTOGRAPHY BY PETER ELLIOT

PLAYBOY

308

guslibus and all that—but chances are
many of your personal favorites are in-
cluded here, plus a few that may have
slipped by you the first time around. To
do them justice, you should assemble a
pancl of convivial quaffers to sample the
drinks meditatively, then cast ballots for
the quarter-century champion—ihe drink
of the PLAYBOY era.

March 1954
ANGEL'S TIT

This, appropriately, is the first drink
ever concocted by pLaynoy.

24 maraschino liqueur

14 heavy cream

Pour liqueur into pony glass. Then
pour cream in carefully. оп edge of
glass, so that it floats and does not
with liqueur. Top cream with mara-
schino cherry.

June 1955

CAFE BRULOT

This is the glamorous show-off coffee
prepared in a chaling dish. A special
coffee maker designed for the brew is
called a bralot dish, but it is rarely used
exotic form of spiced coffee
th cog;
In heated chafing dish, put 4 lumps
„ 4 whole cloves, 2 pieces twisted
lemon peel, 2 pieces twisted orange peel
(peel about 2 ins. long), 2 sticks cinna-
mon bark long and 2 jiggers
cognac. Let cognac heat until quite
warm. Stir gently. Hold match to cognac

into litle lake of blue
Hames. Let burn for 30 seconds. Add 4
demitase cups fresh strong black collee.
Stir well. Ladle café brilot into dem
Lasse cups

September 1961
BLENDED COMFORT

2 ozs. blended whiskey

14 oz. Southern Comfort

14 cup frozen peaches, thawed

10 02. dry vermouth

114 ozs. lemon juice

1 oz. orange juice

14 cup crushed ice

I slice lemon

1 slice cocktail orange in syrup

Put whiskey, Southern | Comfort,
peaches, vermouth, lemon juice, orange
juice and ushed icc into blender.
Blend 10-15 seconds. Pour into tall 14-
Add ice to fill glass. Garr
with lemon and orange slices.

oz. glass

December 1962
PINK LIME PUNCH
(Serves 24)
1 quart plus 1 pint vodka
1 pint cherry liqueur

1 pint lime juice
14 cup sugar
20.02. jar pitted, brandied red cherries
1 quart plus 8 ozs. carbonated water
24 thin slices lime
In punch bowl, coi

bine vodka, cherry
liqueur, lime juice and sugar. Stir weil
until sugar is dissolved, Place block of
ice in bowl Add cherries, with their
juice. Just before serving, pour carbon-
ated water into bowl. Float
on top.

March 1963
BRANDY MELBA

114 oss. br

ndy
М oz. peach liqueur

% oz. raspberry liqueur

% oz. lemon juice

2 dashes orange bitters

1 slice brandied peach

Shake brandy, peach liqueur, rasp-
berry liqueur, lemon juice and bitte
well with ice. Strain into brandy sniftes
Add peach slice. If raspberry liqueur
isn't available, raspberry syrup may be
substituted,

July 1963
PINEAPPLE RUM FRAPPE

e chilled pineapple

Ya cup pineapple sherbet

ht rum

orange juice

1% ozs. lime juice

yû oz. maraschino liqueur

incapple should measure at
se to top of fruit, not
including stem. Cut cap off pineapple
about 14 in. from top and remove mea
Cut deep circle around edge of pine
apple about 14 in. from rim, leaving
large cylinder of fruit, which must then
be gouged out. Very sharp boning knife
is good for job. Cut wedges of fruit loose
by slicing diagonally toward rim of fruit.
Use grapelruit knife to remove small
pieces of fruit. Cavity of pineapple should
he large cnough to hold 2 measuring cups
liquid, Test it for size. Cut away hard
core of fruit and discard it. Cut enough
tender pineapple meat to make 14 cup
fruit in small dice. Into well of clectric
blender put the 14 cup diced pineapple
and all remaining ingredients. Blend 5
seconds. Pour into pineapple. Place
pineapple in champagne bucket sur-
rounded by finely shaved ice. Place 2 or
4 colored straws in drink, allowing for
2 double or 4 single drinks.

January 1964
ROB ROY, HOLIDAY STYLE
у teaspoon Scotch-l
2 ozs. Scotc
М oz. dry vermouth

14 oz. sweet vermouth

1 maraschino or brandied cherry

Pour Scotch-based liqueur into pre-
chilled cocktail glass and swirl it around
to coat bottom and sides of glass. Stir
Scotch and both kinds of vermouth well
with ice. Strain into glass. Add cherry.

May 1965
SCOTCH SOLACE

2% ozs. Scotch
мот. honey
% oz. triple sec
4 ozs. milk
1 oz. cream
14 teaspoon freshly grated orange vi
Pour Scotch, honcy and triple sec into
14-02. glass. Stir until honey is thorough-
ly blended. Add milk, cream and orange
rind. Add ice cubes to fill glass: stir-

July 1965
BARBADOS BOWL
(Serves 24)

8 mediumsize ripe bananas
1 cup lime juice

1 cup sug;

8 ozs. 191 proof rum

1 fifth light rum

46.07. can pineapple juice

19 ozs. mango nectar
2 limes, sliced

Chill all ingredients except bananas.
Cut 6 bananas thin sli plaice
in electric blender with lime juice and
sugar. Blend until smooth. Pour over
block of ice in punch bowl Add both
kinds of rum, pincapple juice and m:
go nectar. Stir well. Let mixture ripen
п relrigerator | hour before serving.
Cut remaining 2 bananas into thin
slices and Hoat with lime slices on punch.

vs a

January 1966
KOMAN FRULLATI

3 ozs. gin
14 cup diced Deliciou
skin
1⁄4 cup diced ripe pear, with skin
14 cup frozen sliced peaches, thawed
1 oz. maraschino liqueur
1 oz. orzata or oi
14 cup crushed ice
Put all ingredients into blender
Blend at high speed 20 seconds. Pour
into tall 14-02. glass. Add ice to rim.

apple, with

May 1969
FRAMBOISE SOUR

34 oz [resh lime juice

2 level teaspoons sugar

Few dashes b.

1 wedge cocktail orange

1 frozen or fresh raspberry
(continued on page 37:

WISH SOMEONE
SMOOTH SAILING
ON THEYULETIDE.

As your friends embank on this holiday season, make them
a gift of Cutty Sark Scots Whisky. It will assure them the
smoothest possible journey.

ЯЙ ASK LABEL & THE CLIPPER SHIP DESION ARE REG.
RI a ENED WORE Mee es ea
HAM сояр, Hy: ОРО;
"М.Ү, м. ОМ, ENG.

Percy. Ut H WM
EU M
56

THE DEVIL

BILLY MARKHAM
y Sel D жей

ville night
While the lost souls sat and sipped their soup

in the sickly yellow neon light.

And the Devil, he looked around the room, then got
down on his knees.

He says, "Is there one among you scum who'll roll the
dice with me?"

Red, he just strums his guitar, pretending not to hear.

And Eddie, he just looks away and takes another sip of
beer.

Vince, he says, “Not me, I'll pass, I've had my share of
hell,"

And kept scribbling on a napkin, some song he was sure
would sell.

Ronnie just kept whisperin' low to the snuff queen who
clutched at his sleeve,

And somebody coughed—and the Devil scoffed—and
turned on his heel to leave.

“Hold on,” says a voice from the back of the room, “ "fore
you walk out that door.

If you're lookin’ for some action. friend, well, I've rolled
some dice before.”

And there stood Billy Markham, he'd been on the scene
for years,

Singin’ all them raunchy songs that the town didn't
want to hear.

He'd been cut and bled a thousand times, and his eyes
were wise and sad,

And all his songs were the songs of the street. and all
his luck was bad.

“I know you,” says Billy Markham, “from many a dark
and funky place,

But you always spoke in a different voice and wore a
different face.

While me, I've gambled here on Music Row with hus-
tlers and with whores,

And, hell, I ain’t afraid to roll them devilish dice of
yours.”

| he Devil walked into Linebaugh's on a rainy Nash-

“Well. then, get down." says the Devil, “just as if you
was gonna pray,

And take these dice in your luckless hand and I'll tell
you how this game is played.

You get one roll —and you bet your soul—and if you roll
thirteen you win,

And all the Joys of flesh and gold are yours to wuch
and spend.

But if that thirteen don’t come up. then kiss your ass
goodbye

And will vour useless bones to God, 'eause your god-
damn soul is mine!”

“Thirteen?” says Billy Markham. “Hell, I've played in
tougher games.

Ive loved ambitious women and I've rode on wheel-
less trains.

So gimme room. you stinkin' fiend, and let it all unwind

Nobody’s ever rolled a thirteen yet, but this just might
be the time."

Then Billy Markham, he takes the dice, and the dice
feel as heavy as stones.

"They should, they should,” the Devil says, “
theyre carved from Jesus' bones."

And Billy Markham turns the dice and the dice, they
have no spots.

“I'm sorry,” says the Devil, “but they're the only dice I
got."

"Well. shit.” says Billy Markham. "Now, 1 really don't
mean to bitch,

But I never thought I'd stake my roll in a suckers game
like this."

“Well, then, walk off,” says the Devil. "Nobody's tied
you down.”

“Walk off where?” says Billy Markham. “It’s the only
game in town.

But I just wanna say ‘fore I make my play, that if 1
should chance to lose,

I will this guitar to some would-be star who'll play
some honest blues,

Who ain't afraid to sing the words like damn or shit or
fuck

“cause

ILLUSTRATED BY BRAD HOLLAND

312

And who ain't afraid to put his ass on the stage where
he makes his bucks.

But if he plays this guitar safe, and sings some sugary
lies.

Ill haunt him till we meet in hell—now, gimme them
fuckin? dice.”

And Billy Markham shakes the dice and yells, “Come
on, thirteen!”

And the dice, they roll—and they come up blank. “You
lose!" the Devil screams.

“But I really must say ‘fore we go our way that I really
do like your style.

Of all the fools I've played and beat, you're the first one
who lost with a smile.”

“Well, ГЇЇ tell you somethin’,” Billy Markham says.
“Those odds weren't too damn bad.

In fourteen years on Music Row, that’s the best damn
chance I've had.”

Then, arm in arm, Billy Markham and the Devil walk
out through Linebaugh's door,

Leavin' Billy's old beat-up guitar there on the floor.

And if you go into Linebaugh's now, you can see it
there today

Hangin’ from a nail on that wall of peelin’ gray

Billy Markham's old guitar . . .

That nobody dares to play.

00) Мы ad Me f1,

illy Markham slowly turns on a white-hot steel spit,
B And his skin, it crackles like roasting pig, and his
flesh is seared and split,

And sulphur fills his nostrils and he’s fed on slime and
mud,

By a hairy imp with a pointed stick who bastes him
in spider's blood,

And his eyeballs boil up inside his skull and his throat's
too charred to scream,

So he sleeps the sleep of the burning dead and he
dreams unspeakable dreams.

Then in walks the Devil in a big yellow hat as Bill hears
the hell gates clangin’

And the Devil wipes off his bloody hands and says,
"Hey, Bill, how're they hanging?

Tm sorry we couldn't give you a pit with a view, but
right now this’ the best we got,

But as soon as we're done with Attila the Hun, we'll
move you right into his spot.

Have you met your neighbors, have you heard ‘em
scream? Do they keep you awake in the fire?

Hey, a little more brimstone for number nine—and
stoke up the heat a bit higher.

Ah, you just can’t get good help these days, and there
ain't much profit in hell.

No—turn that adulteress upside down—do I have to do
everything myself?

T tell you, Bill, it’s a full-time job. tending these white-
hot coals,

So damn busy with paperwork, I hardly got time for
collecting new souls.

Which brings me to the subject of my little visit. Now.
you're one of them natural-born gamblin' men,

And I'll bet you'd give most anything just to get them
dice in your hands again.

So instead of swimming in this muck and slime and
burnin’ crisp as toast...

TII trade you one roll of the dice for the soul of the one
who loves you most."

“Trade the soul of the one who loves me most? Not a
chance in hell I will!”

"Spoken like a hero," the Devil says. "Hey, a little more
fire for Bill.”

"You can burn me, roast me or bake me,” says Billy.
“Go have your fiendish fun.

A coward dies a thousand times—a brave man checks
out once.”

"Hey, Billy, that's poetic,” the Devil says, “but life ain't
like no rhyme,

And I know ways to make a brave man die a million
times

“Then do it, motherfucker!” Billy Markham screams.
“But I won't trade love away."

“That's what thev all say,” the Devil laughs, “but when
I turn up the fire, they play.”

And the flame burns white and Bill's flesh burns black
and he smells his roasting stink,

And the hell rats nibble upon his nose . . . and Billy
begins to think.

He thinks of his childhood sweetheart who loved him
through his crazy days. . . .

He thinks of his gray-haired momma, hell, she’s gettin’
old anyway.

He thinks of his baby daughter—he wrote her a card
last fall. . . .

Then the Devil does somethin’ even I won't describe . . .
and Billy screams, “Take 'em all!”

And—Zap!—again he's back at Linebaugh's, kneeling
on that same old floor,

And across from him the Devil kneels, ready to play
once more.

And Bill gently feels the Linebaugh's tile littered with
grit and grime

And he sees his friends in the booths all around as they
chew their nails and rhyme their rhymes.

And he hears the jukebox blaring loud, and smells the
perfume and the piss,

And he breathes in deep of the smoke-filled air, and he
thinks, “How sweet it is.”

“Well, are you ready to shoot some craps?” he hears the
Devil cry,

“Or you gonna sit all night and stroke that floor like you
stroke a young girl's thigh?"

And as Billy takes the dice, he knows that if he wins,

Then Hades will have been a dream, and his soul will
be his again.

“I guess my point is still thirteen?" Billy Markham asks.

“The points the same,” the Devil sneers, “and the stakes
are still your ass."

“Well, one never knows,” Billy Markham says, “when
luck's gonna smile on a man,

And if a charcoal corpse from hell can't roll thirteen,
then who the hell can?"

And Billy Markham shakes the dice and whispers,
“Please, thirteen.”

And the dice roll out a six . .
if in a dream...

A buzzing fly from a plate nearby, like a messenger
sent from heaven,

Shits—right in the middle of one of them sixes—
and turns it into a seven.

“Thirteen!” yells Billy Markham. “I have beat the Devil's

.anda six...and then, as

play.”

“The hell you have,” the Devil says, and . . . whoosh. . .
he blows that speck away.

"Which goes to prove,” the Devil says, “that hell's too
big to buck,

And when you're gambling for your ass, don't count on
füyshit luck.”

“Well, that’s life,” sighs Billy Markham, “and it never
lasts for long,

But y' know that fly shittin’ on that die would have made
one hell of a song.”

“You're a songwriting fool,” the Devil laughs. “There
ain't no doubt about it.

As soon as you go lose one damn game, you wanna
write a song about it.

But there’s a whole lot more to life and death than the
words and tunes you give ‘ет.

And any fool can sing the blues, let's see if you can
live 'em."

Then—Zap!— Billy wakes up back in hell, turning on
that same steel spit,

And again his skin crackles like roasting pork, and his
flesh is seared and split,

And his mouth is filled with molten lead and his ass
with red-hot coals,

And next to him the Devil squats—and laughs—and
wipes his ass with Billy Markham’s soul.

And he hears the screams of his momma as she turns in
the purple flame,

And he hears the cries of his baby girl as she pays the
price of his game.

He hears the voice of his own true love laugh like a
child at play,

As she sucks the Devil's brains out in her own sweet
lovin’ way.

And buzzin' ‘cross Bill's burnin’ bones and landing on
his starin' eye

And nibblin’ on his roastin’ flesh

Is that grinnin’ Linebaugh's fly.

Bil Merkhoms Last Roll

ood morning, Billy Markham, it's time to rise and
shine.”
The Devil's words come grindin’ into Billy's burnin’
mind.
And he opens up one bloodshot eye to that world of
living death,
And he feels the Devil's bony claw and he smells the
Devil's rotten breath.
"Wake up, Sunshine!” the Devil laughs. "m giving
you another turn."
"Im turning now," Billy Markham growls. "Go away
and let me burn."
“But you're Gamblin’ Billy Markham,” says the Devil,
“and you wouldn't let a chance go past.”
"Another chance to roll thirteen?" says Billy.
"Hey, shove it up your ass.

313

314

I've rolled your dice, I've rolled "em twice. Now I hear
my loved ones cry,

And before I play that game again, I'll stay here in hell
and fry.”

"You sure are a grouch when you wake up," says the
Devil, "but don't take it out on me.

In the misty worlds of heaven and hell, Bill, every-
thing's done in threes.”

“Well, you can take three kisses of my burning bum,”
says Billy, layin’ back and closing his eyes,

“And I'll piss on your shoe, if ever you come near me
again with them flyshit dice.”

"Dice? Dice?" says the Devil. "Who said dice? Anybody
hear me say dice?

Hey, imp, pour my buddy here a cool glass of water,
and throw in a nice big chunk of ice."

“And since when,” says Billy, raisin’ up, "do you go
around handing out gifts,

Except pokes from your burning pitchfork or mouthfuls
of boiling shit?"

"Well, i's Christmas," says the Devil, *and all of us
down here below,

We sort of celebrate in our own sweet way, and this
year you're the star of the show.

Why, just last night I was up on earth and I seen that
lovers’ moon,

And I said to myself, ‘Hey, I bet old Billy could use a
little bit of poon.' "

“Poon?” says Billy Markham. "Last thing I need is poon.

Talk about gettin’ my ashes hauled, hell, I'll be all ashes
soon.”

“Damn, damn!" the Devil screams. "He's been too long
on the fire.

І told you imps to fry him slow, now you gone and
burned out his desire.

You gotta leave "ет some hope, leave ‘em some dreams,
so they know what hell is for,

"Cause when a man forgets how sweet love is, well, hell
ain't hell no more.

So just to refresh your memory, Billy, we're gonna send
you back to earth

And ГЇЇ throw in a little Christmas blessin’ to remind
you what life is worth.

For exactly thirteen hours you can screw who you
wanna screw

And there ain't no creature on God's green earth who's
gonna say no to you.

While me and all these burning souls and all my imps
and fiends,

We're gonna sit down here and watch you on that big
twenty-four-inch color screen.

And we'll see each hump you're humping, and we'll hear
each grunt you groan,

And we'll Jaugh at the look upon your face when it’s
time to come back home.”

“Well, you're much too kind,” Billy Markham says. “And
you treat me much too well.

You gonna give me somethin’ just to take it back—you
sure know how to run a hell.

Well, a game is a game,” Billy Markham says, risin’ off
his bed of coals.

“But зоа if опе won't ball me, what if one I want says
no?

“No?” says the Devil. “What if one says no? Ain't no-
body gonna say no.

Nobody quits or calls in sick when the Devil calls the
show.

Not man nor woman nor beast!" screams the Devil,
"and no laters or maybes or buts,

And before one soul says no to you, I'll see these hell
gates rust.

But if anyone refuses you, I say, anyone you name,

Then you'll be free to stay on earth.

Now get out and play the game!"

"Then a flash of light and a thunderclap and Billy's back
on earth once more

And the asphalt sings beneath his feet as he weaves
toward Music Row.

First he stops at the Exit Inn to seduce the blonde on the
door,

Then the RCA receptionist he takes on the office floor,

He nails the waitress down at Mack's, the one with the
pear-shaped breasts,

And four of the girls from B.M.I. right on Frances
Preston's desk.

He aa his way from М.С.А. to Vanderbilt's ivy
walls.

And he pokes everything that giggles or sings or whim-
pers or wiggles or crawls.

First Debbie, then Polly, then Dotty, then Dolly, then
Jeannie, and Jessie, and Jan,

Then Marshall and Sal and that redheaded gal who
takes the tickets at Opryland.

Then Hazel and Carla and an ex-wife of Harlan's, then
Melva and Marge and Marie,

And three fat Gospel singers who all came together in
perfect three-part harmony.

And Brenda and Sammy and Sharon and Sandy, Loretta
and Buffy and Mae,

And Terri and Lynne at the Holiday Inn and Captain
Midnight's fiancée.

Then Sherry and Rita, Diane and Anita, Olivia, Emmy
and Jean,

And Donna and Kay down at Elliston Place—right there
in the pinto beans.

He crashes a session in Studio B, where he humps both
Janet and June

On John Gimble's fiddle, right in the middle of a Porter
Wagoner tune.

From Connie to Bonnie to Caroline, to Tracy, to Stacy,
to Jo,

He gives 'em a glance and they drop their pants and
nobody dares say no.

He is humpin' the Queen of country music, when he
hears the Devil moan,

“Make it sweet, Billy Markham, but make it short,
you've got just thirty seconds to go.

And all of us here, we're applauding your show and
we'd say you done right well,

And we just can't wait to hear you moan when you're
fuckless forever in hell."

"Hold on!" says Bill with one last thrust. "If I got
thirty seconds mo’,

Then I got the right to one last hump before it's time
to go."

“Well, make your choice,” the Devil says, “and you'd
better be quick and strong,

And make it a come to remember, Bill—it's gotta last
you eternity long.”

“So who will it be, Billy Markham?” they scream. “Who's
gonna be the one?

Starlet or harlot or housewife or hippie or grandma or
schoolgirl or nun?

Or fresh-scented virgin or dope-smoking groupie or
sweet ever-smilin’ stew?”

And Billy Markham, he stops . . . and he squints at the

ucker. . . П take you.”

. “Foul, no fair! The rules don't

“You said man or woman or beast," says Bill, "and I
guess you're all of the three."

And a roar goes up from the demons of hell and it
shakes the earth across,

And the imps all squeal and the demons scream, "He's
gonna fuck thc boss!”

“Why, you filthy scum," the Devil snarls, blushing a
fiery red,

“T give you a chance to live again and you bust me in
front of my friends.”

“Hey, play or pay,” Billy Markham says. “So set me free
at last,

Or raise your tail and hear all hell wail when I bugger
your devilish ass.”

“You got me,” spits the Devil. “Go on and stay on your
precious earth,

And plod along and plug your songs, but carry this life-
long curse.

You shall lust for a million women, and not one’s gonna
come your way,

And you shall write ten million songs and not one’s ever
gonna get played.

And your momma and daughter and your own true
love. they gonna stay down here with me,

And you'll carry the guilt like a movable hell, wherever
the hell you be.”

“Ah, well,” says Billy Markham, “they never were mine
to lose,

No family, no pussy and no records, hell, I'm used to
them kind of dues.”

So back on the streets goes Billy again, eatin’ them
Linebaugh’s beans,

Pickin’ his songs while nobody listens and tellin’ his
story that no one believes,

And he gets no women and he gets no hits, but he says
just what he thinks.

Hey, buy him a round . . .
ice water's all he drinks.
But notice the burns upon his wrist as he raises his

tremblin’ glass,

it won't cost much . .

While he tells how the Devil once burned his soul—
While he singed the Devil's ass.

Bil, ©соггу, aud God

Us the Nashville Country Corner, all the low are
| getting high.
And Billy tells his tale again to anyone who'll buy.
With waving arms and rolling eyes, he screams to the
drunken throng,
“Гуе whipped the Devil and lived through hell, now
who's gonna sing my song?”
Then from the shadows comes an oily vcice, “Hey, kid,
Ilike your moves."
And out of the back slides a little wizened cat
with brown-and-white perforated wing-tip shoes.
"Sleezo's the name,” the little man says, "but I'm Scuzzy
to my friends.
And I think I got a little business proposition you just
might be interested in."
“Scuzzy Sleezo hisself, Billy Markham says. “Man,
you're a legend in these woods.
You never cut the Devil down, but you done damn near
as good.
Why, since I been old enough to jack, I been hearin"
your greasy name.
It's an honor to meet an all-star Scuzz. Just where you
settin' up your game?"
“No more games for me," says Scuzzy. "Im too old and
too slow for the pace,
So I'm the world's greatest hustlers agent now and,
Billy, I been studyin’ your case.

316

I seen your first match with the Devil,” says Scuzz, “it
was a Volkswagen/Mack truck collision,

And your second shot, well, you showed me a lot, but
you got burned by a hometown decision.

And I says to myself, ‘He can go all the way, with the
proper guidance, of course.

He's got the heart, and with a few more smarts, he'd be
an irresistible force.’

Yeah, I can teach you the tricks and show you the
shticks, just like a hustler's training camp.

And I'll bring you on slow—then a prelim or so—then—
Powee!—a shot at the Champ.”

“The Champ?” says Billy Markham. “Now. who in God's
nameis that?”

“Why, God Himself.” says Scuzzy Sleezo. “You know
anybody more champ than that?”

"Hey, a match with God?” Billy Markham gasps. “And
what would be the purse?

“Why, a place in heaven, of course,” says Scuzz,
of livin’ this Nashville curse.

But I'll drive you like a wagon, son, and I'll sweat you
like a Turk,

All for fifty percent of the take—now, shake, and let's
get to work."

‘stead

Now the scene shifts to the funky pool hall known as
the Crystal Cue

And the time is three months later, and the smoke is
thick and blue,

And the emerald cloth is stained with tears and blood
and ketchup spots. :

As a fat old man with a dirty white beard stands prac-
ticin’ three-cushion shots.

“Hey, what are we doin’ here?” says Billy to Scuzz. “I
been taught and I been trained,

And I don’t need no more prelims, I am primed for the
Big, Big Game.”

“Well, son,” says the old man, sinkin’ the four, “why
don't you pick yourself out a cue, and. .. .”

“Hey, Santa Claus,” Billy Markham snaps back, “wasn’t
nobody talkin’ to you.”

“Um . . . if you look close,” whispers Scuzzy to Bill,
“you'll see his cue is a lightnin’ rod,

And he ain't no Santa, and he ain't Fat Daddy . . . you
just showed your ass to God."

"Well, hey, excuse me, Lord,” says Bill, “I didn't mean
to be uncool,

oc с ы у

Butit sure can shake a fellah's faith to find God hustling
pool.”

“Well, where you expect to find me,” says God, “on a
throne with cherubs round?

Well, I do that five days and nights a week, and on the
sixth night. .. I get down.”

“And on the seventh night I suppose you rest?" says
Billy Markham with a grin.

"Never you mind about the seventh night," says God.
“Besides, that lady's just a friend.

Anyway, you didn't come here just to drag my image
down."

“You're right 'bout that, Lord," Billy says. “I come to
take your crown."

"Beg pardon. Lord," says Scuzzy Sleezo. “I don't mean
n0 disrespect,

But when you're dealing with my boy, don't speak to
him direct.

Im his agent and consultant, Scuzzy Sleezo is the name,

Premier Promotional Artist's Representative of the
whole street-hustlin' game.

Cardsharps, loan sharks, pimps, punks and car parks,
Ive handled the best of the lot,

And my new boy here, he just whipped the Devil —now
we're lookin' for a title shot."

"Beat the Devil, you say?" laughs God. "Well, I take my
hat off to him.

Lethim hang up his mouth and pick out a cue and he'll
get the shot that's due him.

Any game he names—any table he's able—any price he
can afford."

"Straight pool for heaven," says Billy Markham.

"Straight pool it is," says the Lord.

Crack! Billy Markham wins the break and busts 'em
cool and clean.

The five ball falls, he sinks the seven, and then drops
the 13.

He makes the nine, comes off the cushion and puts the
six away,

Bags the three and the eight on a triple combination
and wins the first game on a smooth massé.

He takes the next game, the next and the next, and
when he does finally miss,

He dusts the blue off his hands, and his game score
stands at 1376,

“Well, my turn at last,” says the Lord, chalkin' up. “Son,
you sure shoot a wicked stick.

ТЇЇ need some luck to beat a run like that; that is, with-
out resorting to miracles or tricks.”

“Hey, trick and be damned,” Billy Markham laughs.
“Tonight I'm as hot as flame.

So I laugh at your tricks—and I sneer at your stick—
and I take your name in vain."

“Oooh,” goes the crowd that's been gathering around.
“Oooh,” goes the rack boy in wonder.

“Oooh,” says Scuzzy Sleezo, "I think you just made a
slight tactical blunder."

“Oooh,” says God, "you shouldn't have said that, son,
you shouldn't have said that at all!”

And his cue cracks out like a thunderbolt spittin’ a
flamin’ ball.

It sinks everything on the table, then it zooms up off
the green,

Through the dirty window with a crash of glass and
into the wind like a woman's scream,

Out of the pool hall, up through the skies, the cue ball
flames and swirls,

Bustin’ in and out of every pool game in the world.

It strikes on every table, it crashes every rack,

And every pool ball in creation comes rebounding back!

Back through the window they tumble and crash, down
through the ceiling they spin.

A million balls rain down on the table and every one
goes in.

“Now, there," says Scuzzy Sleezo, “is a shot you don't see
every day.

Lord, you should have an agent to handle your press
and build up the class of your play.

My partnership with this sucker here has come to a
termination.

But God and Scuzzy Sleezo? Hey, that would be a com-
bination."

Meanwhile, the cue ball flyin’ back last, like a sputterin"
fizzlin rocket,

Goes weaving dizzily down the cushion and —plunk!—
falls right in the pocket.

“Scratch!” says Billy Markham. “And you said you could
shoot

“Scratch!” screams Scuzzy Sleezo. "I told you my boy'd
come through."

"Scratch!" murmurs the crowd of hangers and hustlers.
“At last we have seen it all.”

“Scratch!” mutters the Lord. “I guess I put a little too
much English on the ball,

Just another imperfection, I never get it quite on the
button.

Tell you what, son, I'll spot you three million balls and
play you one more double or nothin’.”

“Double what?” says Billy Markham.“
you like a child,

And I won my seat in heaven, now I'm gonna set in it
awhile."

“Hit-and-run—chickenshit,” sneers God. “You said you
was the best.

Turns out you're just a get-lucky-play-it-safe pussy like
all the rest."

“Whoa-whoa,” says Billy. "There's somethin’ in that
voice I know quite well."

And he reaches out and yanks off God's white beard—
and there stands the Devil himself!

"You said you was God," Billy Markham cries. "You
conned me and hustled me, too!"

“I am God—sometimes—and sometimes I'm the Devil,
good and bad, just like you.

already whipped

Im everything and everyone in perfect combination,

And everybody but you knows that there ain't no sepa-
ration.

But go ahead," sighs God, scribbling something down.
“Give this note to the angel on the wall,

And you sit up there ‘n’ plunk your harp.

Hey, anybody want to shoot some eight ball?"

And cold and wet and tremblin', Billy walks out into
thenight,

Where a golden staircase stretches all the way to para-
dise.

And he grips the glitterin' balustrade and begins his
grand ascent.

“Just a minute, good buddy," yells Scuzzy Sleezo. “How
about my fifty percent?

Ihelped you win the champeenship—and you wouldn't
do ol’ Scuzzy wrong,

And since the purse is a seat in heaven, you just gotta
take me along."

"Just one minute," says Billy Markham. "There's some-
thing weird going on in this game.

All the voices that I'm hearin’ start to soundin’ just the
same.

And he rips off Scuzzy Sleezo's face and the Devil's
standing there.

“Good God,” yells Billy Markham, “are you—are you
everywhere?”

“Yes, I am,” the Devil says. “And don’t look so damn
surprised.

I thought you could smuggle me into heaven wearing
my Sleezy disguise.

"Course, I could've walked in as Jehovah, but it just
wouldn't have been the same,

But you and your corny Dick Tracy bit—you had to
goruin my fantasy game.

Go on, climb up your golden stairs, enjoy your paradise,

But dont rip off your own face, Bill—or you might get
a shockin’ surprise."

Then up, up the golden stairway Billy Markham dizzily
winds his way,

And high, high above him, he can hear his own songs
bein’ played,

And down, down below, hear Scuzzy Sleezo curse his
name,

To the click-click-click of the pool balls

As God hustles another game.

317

318

Dik Њин Descent

Шу Markham sits on an unwashed cloud, his hair

B is matted and mussed,

His dusty wings have been cast aside and his
harp strings have gone to rust.

"There's dirt beneath his fingernails and a glazed look
in his eyes

As he sits like a burned-out acid freak and stares across
the skies.

They had bathed his body in milk and myrrh; they had
robed him in silver gowns;

They had straightened the warp in his guitar neck, and
gave him a golden crown;

They had set him a place at the table of joy and the
fountain of knowledge, as well,

But he searches the heavens with haunted eyes—for
his mind still walks through hell.

His thoughts are down in that nether world, in that
burning fiery rain.

His thoughts are with his momma, how he longs to
soothe her pain.

His thoughts are with his little girl, how he'd love to
ease her cryin’.

His thoughts are with his own true love, how he'd love
to bust her spine.

So late that night, while the heavenly harps play In the
Sweet Bye and Bye,

Billy Markham reaches the silken rope that hangs down
from the sky.

He has stripped himself of his crown and robes; he has
clutched the silken cord;

He has swung him down without a sound, so’s not to
wake the Lord.

And down he winds through the perfumed air, down
through the marshmallow clouds,

And he hangs for a while o'er the rooftops of earth,
lookin’ down at the scurrying crowds.

Then down through a manhole still clutching the rope,
to a stench that he knows quite well.

"Neath the sewers of the street, till he feels his feet
touch the shit-mucked shores of hell.

He has scaled the crusted, rusted gates, he has thrown
a bone to the Hounds.

He has floated the putrid river Styx, still down and fur-
ther down.

Down past the gluttons, the dealers and pimps, down
past the murderer's cage,

Down past the rock stars searching in vain for their
names on the Cashbox page.

Down past the door of the Merchants of War, past the
Puritan's slop-filled bin.

Past the Bigot's hive, till at last he arrives, at the pit
marked BLAMELESS SINS.

He has found the vat where his momma boils; he has
lifted her gently from the deep.

He has found the grate where his little girl burns;
he has raised her and soothed her and rocked her
to sleep.

He has found the pit where his sweetheart sleeps;
he has spit on the fire where she lay.

He has cursed her as a whore of hell; he has cursed and
turned away.

"From this day," says Billy, “I place my faith only in
mother and child,

And never again will I look for love in a bitch's cum-
stained smile."

Then up, back up the rope he climbs, up through the
sufferin' swarms,

Past the clutching hands and the pitiful screams with
his two precious loves in his arms.

Just one more pull—just one more pull—then free for-
ever from hell,

Just one more pull then—“Hello, Billy" —and there
stands the Devil himself!

And now he wears his crimson robes and his horns are
buffered bright,

And blood oozes through his white-linen gloves and his
skin glows red in the night.

And his tail coils tight like an oily snake and the hell-
fires flash from his eyes,

On those craggy rocks, he stands and blocks the way to
paradise.

"Well, what have we here," the Devil says, "in my do-
main of sin?

In all my years as Prince of the Dark, it's the first case
of somebody breakin' in.

And of all the daredevil darin’ dudes, well, who should
the hero be?

But my old friend Billy Markham—who once made a
punk out of me.

I heard you was in heaven, Billy, fuckin’ angels all day
long,

Whats a matter—wouldn' that heavenly choir sing
none of your raunchy songs?

Or maybe it's the thought of the loves you sold and you
couldn't live with the shame.

Or maybe, like every other loser, you just can't stay
'way from the game.

You write your songs about standin' strong, you sing
about bein' free,

But like a pussy-whipped fool who keeps on hitchin"
‘bout his lover, you keep bitchin’ but comin’ back to
me.

You made me the laughingstock of hell and the whole
world laughed with you,

Now here you come crashin' my party again; now tell
me, just who's devilin’ who?

Now, I didn't invite you down here, Bill, and nobody
twisted your arm,

But you're back down here on my turf now, down here
where it’s cozy and warm.

So по more dice and no more games and no more jive
stories to tel],

Just the Devil and a man with some souls in his hand
hangin’ ‘tween heaven and hell.

But what is this?" the Devil says. “Only two souls you've
set free?

You seem to forgot and left one behind; now, who could
that one be?

Could it be your own true love, the one with the angel's
smile?

The one you curse with each bitter breath ‘cause she
played with the Devil awhile?

You call yourself free?" the Devil laughs. “Why, you
prudish, uptight schmuck,

You'd leave your sweet love burn in hell for one harm-
less little suck.

What would you rather she had done, leaped in the
boiling тапше...

So's you could keep your fantasy of someone sweet and
pure?

She saved her ass—and so would you—but still you
curse her name.

Shit, you'd suck a million dicks to escape one childbirth
pain."

“Hey, it's easy to talk of savin’ ass,” says Billy, "forgive-
ness is easy to say,

But when the shame burns worse than Hades’ fires—
how do you talk that away?”

“Shame?” laughs the Devil. “She’s only a woman—
she did what she had to do,

And right or wrong, she needs no curse from a hypo-
crite lame like you. .. .

She shall rule with me in this Kingdom of Flame, she
shall sit next to me on my throne,

While you live with the truth that the Devil's heart
has more pity than your o

“Hey, wait a minute," says Billy Markham. “I can't be-
lieve what you just said,

You givin’ me this whole philosophy shit just ‘cause you
like the way she gave you head.

Why, you poor closet romantic, that chick was suckin’
for her life.

Just wait see what kinda head you get after you make
her your wife.”

Oris it the sound of the wedding feast that the demons
below have begun?

As the Devil, he sits with his betrothed and they pledge
their love in the steam,

While halfway up the silken cord,

Billy Markham screams!

Bly Макр Wedding

he trumpets of hell have sounded the word like a
df. screeching clarion call.
The trumpets of hell have sounded the word and
the word has been heard by all.
The trumpets of hell have sounded the word and it
reaches the heavenly skies,

“In Hell." shouts the Devil, "that's blasphemy! I should
burn you to dust where you stand,

But the venom youre carryin' in your heart, that's
torture enough for any man.

So get vour ass up that silken rope, climb back to your
promised land,

And hold your illusions of momma and daughter tight
in your sweatin' hand.

But you'll see that they're just bitches like she, and
you'll scream when you find it's true,

But stay up there and scream to God — Hell's gates are
closed to you."

And Billy Markham, clutching his loves, climbs upward
toward the skies,

And is it the sharp night wind that brings the tears to
Billy's eyes?

Or is it the swirling sulphur smoke or the bright glare
of the sun?

Come angels, come demons, come half-breeds, too, the
Devilis taking a bride.

And out of the Pearly Gates they come in a file two by
two,

For when the Devil takes a bride, there's none that dares
refuse.

And Jesus himself, he leads the way down through the
starless night,

With Virgin Mary at his left side and Joseph on his
right.

And then comes Adam and then comes Eve and the
saints move close behind

And all the gentle and all the good, in an endless col-
umn they wind.

Down, down to the pits of hell, down from the heavens
they sift

Like fallen stars to a blood-red sea, each bearing the
Devila gift.

319

320

The strong and the brave, the halt and the lame, the
deaf and the blind and the dumb,

And last.of all comes Billy Markham, cursing the night
as he comes.

Hell's halls are decked with ribbons of red, the feast has
been prepared,

And Devil and bride sit side by side in skull-and-cross-
bone chairs,

And the Devil grins as his guests file in, for he is master
now,

And one by one they enter his realm—and one by one
they bow,

And the Devil whispers, “Thank the Lord,” and swells
his chest with pride

As they mouth their blessings and place their gifts at
the feet of the Devil's bride.

Lucrezia Borgia has made the punch of strychnine,
wine and gin,

And Judas has set the supper table on hallowed, bloody
linen.

The feast is a human barbecue and the sauce is beri-

beri

Flavored with gore from the burning hordes and cooked
by Typhoid Mary.

And everyone drinks of the bubblin' brew and off come
the masks of virtue and sin,

And the Devil beams proud on the well-mixed crowd
and cries, "Let the revels begin!"

And the walls that separate heaven and hell crack and
crumble away,

And the Devil laughs and waves his tail and Hell's band
begins to play.

There is Nero, madly fiddlin' his fiddle and Gabriel
on horn,

And the Black Bitch of Buchenwald beating her drum,
and Arthur Rank bangin’ his gong,

And Marie Laveau, she plays her bones and Yorick, he
Plays his,

And Hank plays guitar with three strings broke, and
that's what hell really is.

And Janis and Elvis and Jimi and Cass, they're up there
singin’ the blues,

And Adolf Hitler and Joan of Arc start doin’ the boog-
aloo.

Then Carry Nation, she starts to strip and everyone
applauds,

Except Lady Macbeth, who's givin’ some head to Leo-
nardo da Vinci and Santa Claus.

And the Marquis de Sade does a promenade, laughing
and cracking his whips,

And Marilyn Monrce does a coochie show and Eve
starts shaking her hips.

And Sarah Bernhardt and Jessie James, they're taking
dirty photos,

While out in the foyer, Richard the Third is comparing
his hump with Quasimodo's.

And bare-ass naked on the balustrade sits Edgar Allan
Poe

Posing for a two-dollar caricature by Michelangelo.

And Gypsy Rose Lee jumps on Francis Scott Key, and
does a quick trick with her fan,

While Ivan the Terrible's trying to get into Virgin Mary's
pants.

Henry the Fighth, he screams, “More food, more music,
more wine, more wives,”

While Lizzie Borden and Jack the Ripper, they're out on
the terrace comparing knives.

Lenny Bruce, he moons the crowd while swinging from
the ceiling,

And Jesus and Judas have one more drink just to show
there's no hard feelings.

Then Catherine the Great, she's givin' her number to
the horse of Paul Revere,

While Don Juan's whisperin love and lust into Helen
Keller's ear.

And General Grant, he's playing backgammon in the
corner with Robert E. Lee,

While Freud and Rasputin are arguing pussy with
Attila the Hun and Socrates.

And John Wilkes Booth, he’s havin’ a toot, and J. Edgar
Hoover's in drag,

While Amelia Earhart is talkin’ to Lindbergh, ‘bout
splittin’ a five-cent bag,

And Mary Baker Eddy's drunk and tellin’ dirty jokes,

And Fatty Arbuckle's shoutin', "Hey. anybody got an-
other coke?"

And Alice Toklas and Gertrude Stein are gigglin' behind
the door,

While the Daughters of Lot arc yellin', “Hey, Pop, let's
doit just once more."

And Florence Nightingale’s offerin' a beer to the Man
inthe Iron Mask,

While Plato's shovin' cashew nuts up Marco Polo's ass,

And Billy Sunday and Mary Magdalene announce
they re goin’ steady,

And Abel and Cain form a daisy chain with Jeanette
MacDonald and Nelson Eddy.

Then Doctor Faust snorts too much coke and punches
out Errol Flynn

Over some 13-year-old girl that they're both interested in.

And Nero's laughin’ as he sets fire to Mata Нагіѕ hair,

While Oscar Wilde says to Billy the Kid, “Hey, Kid, let
me show you round upstairs."

And the Devil, he drinks his boiling blood and glances
side to side,

From the eyes of Billy Markham to the eyes of his own
sweet bride.

Then the music comes to a screechin' halt and the
revelers freeze where they stand

As Billy Markham approaches the throne and says,
"May I have this dance?"

"Can this be Billy Markham," sneers the Devil, "who
loves only the chaste and the pure?

No, Billy wouldn't bow and kiss the hand of a woman
he once called whore.

But whoever this poor, lonely wretch may be, it is my
wedding whim,

That no man be refused this day—step down, darlin’,
and dance with him.”

The Devil grins and waves his hand, the music starts
gentle and warm,

As the lady nervously steps from her throne into Billy
Markham's arms.

And the guests all snicker and snigger and wait, and
they watch the dancers’ eyes,

As round and round the floor they swir] tween hell and
paradise.

"Oh, baby doll." whispers Billy Markham, “1 have done
you an awful wrong,

And to show how rotten low I feel, I even wrote about
it in a song.

I never should've called you a scuzzy whore—I never
should've spit on your bed,

And I never should've left you to burn here in hell just
"cause you give the Devil some head.

But if there's any hellish or heavenly way that I can
make it right,

If it costs my balls, over Hades' walls, ГЇ get you
away tonight."

And the lady smiles a wanton smile, as round and
round the room they swing,

And she whispers low in Billys ear . . . “There is one
little thing. ...”

Now the hall is empty, the guests are gone, and there
on the rusted throne,

Hand in hand in golden bands, the Devil and bride sit
alone.

And the Devil stretches and yawns and grins, "It has
been quite a day.

Now I guess it's time to seal our love in the usual mortal
way."

And the Devil strips off his crimson cloak, and he casts
his pitchfork aside,

And he frees his oily two-pronged tail, and waits to take
his bride.

And his true love lifts her wedding dress up over her
angel's head

And hand in hand they make their way to the Devil's
fiery bed.

And her upturned breasts glow warm in the fire

And her legs are shapely and slim

And for the very first time since time began, the Devil
feels passion in him.

“Now for the moment of truth,” he whispers. “My love,
my queen, my choi

“I love you, too, motherfucker,” she laughs—in Billy
Markham's voice.

And the Devil leaps up and howls so loud that the
fires of hell blow cold.

“Ain't no big deal," says Billy's voice. “While we was
dancing, we swapped souls.

Now she's up in heaven singin’ my songs and wearin’
my body, too,

Safe forever in the arms of the Lord, while I'm down
here in the arms of you.”

“Why, you crawlin’ crud,” the Devil cries, “TIl teach
you to fuck with my brain.

Ill give you a child who weighs ninety-five pounds, you
talk about screamin’ pain!”

“Hold on,” says Billy Markham, “I will be your wife
only in name—

You come near me with that double-pronged dick and
Til rip it right off your frame."

“Not so loud,” the Devil whispers. “If hell learns what's
been done,

They'll laugh me off this golden throne and damn me
to kingdom come.

And you—you've given me iny true love's body with a
hustler’s soul inside.

You know more of torture than I've ever dreamed—
you're fit to be my bride.

“Well, don't take it so hard,” Billy Markham says. “You
know things could be lots worse.

Havin’ ker soul in my body—now, that would be a
curse.

But you and me, we got lots in common, we both like
to shoot the shit,

And we both like to joke and we both like to smoke and
we both like to gamble a bit,

Author Silverstein plays the Devil.

And that could be the makin's for a happy marriage,
and since neither of us ever gonna die,

Well, we might as well start the honeymoon—
you wanna cut the cards or should 1?"

Now, the wedding night is a hundred years past and
their garments have rotted to rags.

But face to face they sit in the flames, dealing five-card
stud and one-eyed jacks.

And sometimes they play pinochle, sometimes they play
gin,

And sometimes the Devil rakes in the pots, and some-
times the lady wins,

And sometimes they just sit and reminisce of the night
when they first were wed.

From dawn to dawn the game goes оп...

They never go to bed.

PLAYBOY

Ге)

POWER

FAILURE

(continued from page 262)

“In truth, nothing restricts the public's right to know
so severely as the networks themselves.”

explosive and emotion:
out tearing the place apart and causing
financial ruin to the company. Bill Moy-
ers had charmed older men in the past,
1 now William Paley quickly became
enamored of him. P liked and ad-
mired his work and knew that Moyers
was the CBS type because he was so
naturally classy. But, sadly, none of that
kept Moyers from being restless and un-
happy at CBS and he soon began to
think fondly of the grubby days at PBS
when there was never enough money
but there ys enough care and
passion and air time. Soon he was in
touch with PBS again. The executives of
CBS, including Paley, were appalled. No
one whom CBS wanted had ever left for
PBS. И people had left in the past, they
vere people whom CBS was finished
with. The word went out to hold Moyers
at all costs. They promised him every-
thing they could think of. Hc could bc
the next Eric Scvarcid when Eric soon re
tired. He did not want to be the next
ic Sevareid. Perhaps he did not even
want to be the first Eric Sevareid. There
was talk of Richard Salants job
dent of the news division when Salant
There was talk of money.

of subjects with-

s presi

large sums of money, perhaps even
51,000,000. There was even a quick mei

n of Cronkite's job someday in the
future,

But Moyers not bend. He liked the
people at CBS and the talent he worked
with; he had just finished a documentary
on the CIA's policy in Cuba that was
probably the best publicaffairs program
of recent years, but finally he did not
like the system. He felt that his audience
could no longer find him, could not
count on knowing where he was. His
appearances were too irregular. Yet the
CBS offers kept coming. There was one
last meeting with Paley. The chairman
s at his most persuasive and charming,
h is very persuas
indeed, and he talked about the future
of the company and its crucial role in
free society and how
someone like Moyers for the future. Fi-

ally, Paley asked what it would take to
keep Moyers there.

“A regular р
who had lea

badly it needed

e show,” answered
ned very quickl
n a regula
e hon

has scores of talented
s people, all of them smart

Moyers,

“Much like Murrow had,
schedule, with a set prime

CBS

Now,
publicre

“Yes, I'm a PLAYBOY reader, and yes, usually
I lust for life, but this week I’m on bed rest and
aspirin for something that’s going around.”

and all of them highly paid. a large р
of whose job itis to point out that things
are better than ever at CBS and that
there is more freedom and more access to
time than ever before. But that day.
they weren't around. So Paley looked at
Moyers and shook his head. "I'm sorry,’
Paley said. "I can't do it anymore. The
minute is worth too much now." So it
that Moyers went back to PBS. We

are the better for it
.
One of the big stories of the new sea-
son that was not a story was the non-

of the onc-hour news broadcast.
position of the networks on the
hour news show is an interesting one.
They have the resources and the talent,
they are almost criminally rich. they
know it should be done and they argue
Пу in defending their other, le:
sts about the
First Amendment and the public's right
to know. Yet they do nothing about
They are like a newspaper publisher who
prints one page of news and nine pages
of advertising and summons the First
Amendment whenever his policies are
questioned by critics.

For the networks are against Govern-
ment restriction, They are against the
Congress’ being closed off to television
coverage. The executive reaches of all

network presidents abound with writers
skilled at м freedomof-the press,
publics rightto-kuow speeches. Yet in

truth, nothing restricts the public's right
to know so severely as the networks them
selves in keeping to the half-hour news
show. It bru and trivializes most
sues, it means that the best reporters
on the networks have to report in a new
language, a kind of networkese or news-
speak, and it means that all subtlety and
re dropped [rom stories. In par-
ticular, it means that reporting is infi-
nitely less intelligent than it might be if
there were time. The networks periodi-
cally claim that they are interested in the
hour news show, but nothing ever hap-
pens. There is always an excuse. С
rently, the affiliates: The networks
themselves claim they would like to go
w the hour show but the affiliates won't

lizes.

relinquish that hall hour. Salant, the
outgoing president of CBS News. made a
suggestion within. the. that

would easily bypass tl
gested broadcasting an hour of news
during prime time every night.
one has rushed to take him up on it.

John Chancellor is one of the two
anchor men at NBC. He is a genuinely
distinguished journalist and, of the m
jor television personalitics, he is prob-
bly the favorite of senior print reporters
because he is so dearly a working jour-
пайы, because he cares about the 1
guage and because he worries about the

o far, no

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PLAYBOY

324 very

ferocious impact of the instrument he
neellor is witty, graceful а
though it does not necessa
show night after night in the tight, air-
less format that the news shows now
demand. If NBC went to an hour news
show, Chancellor would clearly be the
main beneficiary; his touch flourishes and
his special qualities come to the surface
on occasions when the news team stays
on live, such as conventions and elec-
tions. To working reporters, there is
something reassuring about Chancellor
t work, with his combination of civility
nce. He is a man of comity
e medium.

r, by contrast, knows
nothing about news nor is there any evi-
dence t he cares about it. He was for
a time the president and chief executive
officer of NBC. One should not speak ill
of those who were once mighty and
powerful and who have since seen their
limousines returned to Carey. Those
whose memory of Schlosser is vague will
probably remember him best for his
1 world-series appearances seated
next to Bowie Kuhn. The NBC cameras
slowed lovingly as they passed those two
great Americans. Schlosser in his tour as
the head of NBC became « celebrity and
was not surprising that he met many
equally celebrated people and liked them
much. Nothing confirms fame,

which is so fleeting in contemporary
America, more than being around others
who are famous, no matter how fleeting
their fame. In particular, Schlosser liked
being around Henry Kissinger, the:
the height of his fam
Schlosser, however. world-series tickets
or по, was by 1977 а man
trouble. He was not a m
casting; he had risen as a lawyer. It was
said within the company that his job
had been to maximize the profits at NBC
nd that he had been very good at it.
Perhaps too good. Perhaps NBC, in his
years, had been eating the seed grain and
not investing enough resources in new
creative ideas. Thus, the profits were
good but the ratings were bad. That
placed Schlosser in jeopardy. He was
making a very great deal of money for
NBC, but clearly not enough. He need-
ed a gimmick, something exciting.
Shortly after both Kissinger and Jerry
ord became (involuntarily) retired,
Schlosser signed them to multimillion-

dollar deals for NBC. They would ap-
pea special commentators on NBC

news. They would do analysis. There
would be specials about them. They
would certainly become rich, Richard C.
з president of NBC News, was
(quite properly) appalled. It was a shock-
ing decision, it cast doubt about NBC's
political and journalistic independence,

it insulted all the NBC reporters who
had been used and manipulated by K
singer—their own network was now re-
warding the very man who had on so
many occasions played games with them
and the truth. It was the breaching of
a sacred Tine, in terms of the news
tegrity. That is one thing
Schlosser will be remembered for.

The second thing he will be remem-
bered for is his attempt to separate
ncellor from his anchor It was not
ght Ch
worthy journalist; it was simply that the
ratings on the show were not good
enough. The affiliate stations were be-
coming restless and had to be pacified.
ABC was looming large on the horizon,
rounding up wayward affiliates. There
was no talk about what was wrong with
the substance of the NBC show. A scape-
goat was needed, Schlosser, naturally
enough, preferred a scapegoat named
Chancellor to a scapegoat named Schlos-
ser. So, as he felt himself squeezed, he
squeezed Chancellor. Chancellor would
be the scapegoat. He would be replaced,
perhaps, by someone livelier, such as
Tom Snyder, who was, indeed, livelier, or
by someone more handsome, such as Tom
Brokaw, who was certifiably more hand-
some, The quality of the show was not
mentioned. That was too bad, because at
that time, NBC was producing what
was the best and most imaginative of the
three evening news shows. Each night it
was running a special report called "Seg.
ment 3." which was much lon,
the usual segment, sometimes five or six
minutes, often strikingly illuminating,
and it allowed the NBC reporters to
break out of their format and made the
show infinitely less predictable, By con-
mast, the Cronkite show, though steady
and solid, had become far less ima
tive and far more predictable.

That did not help Chancellor, who was
going through the singularly unpleasant
process of giving up his anchor while
trying to look ng
demoted, It was announced that he
would become a special roving reporter
for NBC, which was what he wanted to
be, though, of course, he liked being an
anchor man, too. It did not help Wald,
either, that he not only had objected to
the Kissinger shows but also was object-
ing to Snyder's becoming an anchor. It
speeded Wald's own departure as head

that Schlosser thou;

il he were not he

of NBC News: He was fired. He was out
at NBC News

nd Kissinger, so to speak,
was

NBC did not get a lor for its Kissinger
money. There was, in the late winter of
1978, one dreadful hourlong show in
which Kissinger was interviewed. about
E communism, It was an.

эре:

һегепсе to the truth had never been опе

of his stronger qualities (indeed, his dis-
respect for it may have been one of his
great strengths), put on an offensive,
tricky performance, turning a world of
gray into a world of black and white.

A good, tough, well-prepared inter-
viewer might have prevented him from
doing this. But the interviewer was David
Brinkley, about whom two things should
be said. First, he is not a particularly
ewer. Second, he had given
à farewell parties for Kis-
singer when he had Icft Washington.

It was, given the nature of. Kissinger's
NBC salary, а very expensive, very bad
show. It turned out to be even more
expensive when the ratings proved it to
be 61th. lowest of the 64 shows rated for
that week on any network.

None of that helped Schlosser and, as
he had been ready to fire Chancellor, he
was soon fired himself. His ratings were
not high enough and NBC wanted Fred
Silverman to over.

Fred Silverman was so good at making
money for whatever network he worked
for that when it was announced that he
was going to NBC, the stock immediately
shot up. That made his acquisition an
immediate success. He had been a success
at ABC, too, and had helped program
such shows as Starsky & Hutch, which
was perhaps the most exploitive show on
television, and Charlie's. Angels, which
was certainly the silex. That dual
helped make ABC almost ov ight the
most successful network,
ABC in verinan’s reign had become
better at putting on successful dreadful
series than CBS, which had pioneered in
the field. All that CBS could do in re-
iation was put on a show called The
Incredible Hulk about a monster who in
moments of crisis emerged from the
clothes of a perfectly nice young man
(always ripping his shirt but never his
pants). The monster disposed of varying
oppressors and then, his good deeds ac
complished, returned to street clothes.

The news of Silverman's coming
spread good cheer throughout NBC
News. The thinking, oft expressed there,
was that he had in the past been so good
at doing thc truly dreadful things on
television that he would now want to do
some good things, and become a states-
l statements
praising NBC News. For the moment,
Chancellor seemed to retain his anchor.
He was in, Schlosser was out and Wald
was in a holding pattern at the Los
Angeles Times, soon to return to televi-
sion, this time to ABC News,

ABC, having lost Silverman, needed
new programing. It also had a lot of
money to spend. Hearing that СВЅ 60
Minutes was an excellent. publicaflairs
show and a profitable one as well, ABC

commercial

decided to create a comparable program
of its own, called 20/20. It was put to-
gether very quickly. The first program
(the others were not much better) was one
of the worst publicaffairs programs 1
have ever seen on any network. Its
prime feature was Geraldo Rivera, clear-
ly Arledge’s favorite reporter, showcased
as an investigative reporter, That partic-
ular report happened to be about men
who used rabbits to train greyhounds for

racing. A messy, nasty business. But the

ular smarmy style of reporting, the
exploitive use of film, some segments run
and rerun, finally cast ABC not as the
defender of rabbits but as an exploiter
of them. The entire show was terrible.
Early hosts were dropped. Hugh Downs
asked to stop selling cars in commer-
cials long enough to host the show. His
lack of real involvement in the program
seemed almost painful. Each week, after
a correspondent. was finished report
Downs would ask a friendly question
about what it all meant. Downs seemed.
to have no connection to the substance
of the program and, indeed, appeared to
have wandered in from another set
where he was doing something clse. Such
as selling cars.

Howard Cosell remained on NFL
Monday Night Football. Last season,
Cosell established a record for NFL

Monday Night Football for citing in the
fourth quarter accurate predictions and
forecasts made by Cosell in the first quar-
ter. That gave Cosell the Annual As We
Said at the Top of the Show Award. With
one game added to the schedule this year,
many authorities believed Cosell would
be able to break last year's record.
D

NBC did a miniseries on the Holo-
caust. It immediately became intensely
controvers Holocaust survivors de-
bated its validity. Some thought it too
much of 2 soap opera. Some thought it
too serious. There were debates about
whether the ratings were high (for a seri-
ous program) or low (for the amount of
time used). Many Americans under the
age of 30 who watched the programs
were astonished by what was portrayed.
Their main memory of Nazi Germany,
after all, since television was their main
source of history, had come from a series
called Hogan's Heroes. That show, run
and rerun endlessly, takes the most bru-
tal and inhumane political machine of
this century and portrays it as a bunch
of bumblers and buffoons all essentially
harmless. I think it is the single most
offensive show ever placed on televi
its subliminal portrait of an entire era is
shocking. Sometimes I think there must
be a special place in hell for the people
who were responsible for the Third

K
Fa

M
TN
е бау,

PLAYBOY

326

Reich, with a smaller place nearby for
those who trivialize it and do not re-
spect it.

.
Alexander Solzhenitsyn should be
warned. Someday someone at one of

the networks will re:
»mediate sitcom: Joan and the Te
bles. About iendly but clumsy
Russian guards at a Siberian prison. С
or two of the guards can be despotic:
1 of the prisoners are ordinary Rus-
sians, one of them unaccountably is an
American and one of them a pretty
young girl. It will feature attempts to
smuggle in boules of vodka.
-

ABC this year is featuring Battlestar
Galactica. Yt is about survivors of а lost
ation looking for a far, far better.
place. They are pursued by bad guys,
the Cylons. Galactica stars Lorne
So far, it is no worse than Bonanza in

1 Gulag and sce an

some

civ

Greene.

spaceships. Tt does not necessarily widen
the range of human understanding,
б

CDS, not to be outdone, has
show called People. It is about a
people in America you lave
wanted to know more about. According
to TV Guide, that means Farrah

a new

nelli, И ger, Margaret Trudi
Cheryl Tiegs, Suzanne Somers and Hal-
ston. In the past, we have heard of art
imitating life and life imitating art, but
this is the first example of plastic imi-
tating plastic.

This fall, Mike Wallace did a takeout
for 60 Minutes on the ratings game. His
show pointed out that for the past year,
the ABC television network had made a
reported pretax profit of $165,000,000,
CBS a pretax profit of §139,000,000 and
NBC a mere 5102,000,000. Wallace,
show, tried to inter

“Your attention, please. I would
like to introduce Mr. Donald Brown, who is now

in charge of the plane. Mr. Brown assure

sus that

he is not a fanatic of any kind but is motivated
by the purest criminal considerations."

CBS executive in charge of programing.
His request was turned down.

On the same show, Wallace inter-
viewed an attractive young woman

id ta
way

named Lin Bolen. Ms. Bolen is sa
be the prototype for the Faye Dur
character in Nefwork and she is now the
architect of a new show, W.E.B., about
television executives who are even more
amoral than those in Network, Mike
asked her a question about who was re-
sponsible for the low level of television
programing, She said it was finally the
fault of the audience, which could always
turn olf the set. I turned off the television.

Some network executives find this hard
to believe, but the educational level in
this country is going up all the time,
which means that there are more and
more people who are (A) outraged by
the general level of television. (B) dis-
couraged by it or (C) bored by it. Cate-
gory A has produced a rising number of
serious, intelligent, well-informed citizen
groups determined to r

e the level of
seriousness and humanity in network
programing. It is a terrifying idea:
People are angry, protests have been
mounted. sponsors have been reached.
Sears, Roebuck pulled back its advertis-
ing from Starsky & Hutch and many of
their friends. Network executives were
appalled, Is this really the Аш
wity? Some network executive:

talked
about a new McCarthyism. Robert E.

Mulholland, the president of NBC-TV,
is quoted as saying that "television must
never become a medium controlled by
speci 2" Well 1, well said, I
agree, but what docs television respond
to now if not special interest? For, above
all else, it responds to Wall Si
for most Americans, Wall Street classi-
cally represents a special interest, a desire
for intense relentless profit far beyond
their own mild expectations. For the
truth is that the people who run Ше ner-
works do not really control their own
shows anymore. It is all too big, the
pressure for ratings is so great that any
true control, any true decision making
on what kind of balanced programing
they will present is beyond them, The
market watches too closely and cares too
much. They're no longer architects of
broadcasting but, rather, extensions of
the market, men who пме Wall
Street's appetite, for ever higher ratings,
into programing results. As such, there is
precious little pluralism on the networks;
it costs too much to be good and honor-
able—as Paley told Moyers, the minute
is worth too much now, The people who
run the networks are technician-middle-
men, Somewhere along the way,
grew more and more prosperous, the
dicated both responsibility and control,
The network people, of course, deny

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this. They have skilled public-relations
departments and when people like me
write things like this, they always claim
that we are outsiders, that we do not
understand television. They always come
up with some show that they did in the
past that proves how publicspirited they
really are, how much more they give to
the public arena. Which takes me, fi-
nally, to the Short Happy Life of Peter
Derow at CBS, a final fable for our time.

The rise of ABC under Silverman had
left CBS a troubled network. That which
had always worked so well no longer
worked. It was a curiously rudderless
ship run by an old, talented, willful and
often erratic man, and it was filled with
executives who did not know what they
wanted or what they should do, other
than g ngs and keep Paley
happy. Arthur Taylor had just been
abruptly fired. CBS had been for almost
30 years the leader in programing and
now it was slipping. In some despera
tion, it was decided to bring a very
bright young man named Peter Derow
over from Newsweek. There, at the as-
tonishingly young age of 36, he had
become president of Newsweek and his
skills and seriousness had attracted broad
attention the world of commu
tions. He had already created a reputa-
tion as perhaps the best and most serious
of the new managerial breed in media,
He was surprisingly popular with many
of the young editorial people at News-
week because they sensed that he appre-
ciated their excellence as much as he did.
his own bottom line. His sympathies, in
fact, seemed to be with the editorial side:
He had gone to Harvard, where he had
been on the Harvard Crimson, and he
had worked for a year with the London
Economist, and then he had gone on to
Harvard. Business School. He was a firm
believer that it was vitally important for
major national publications to have mod-
ern, sound financial bases, that that could
strengthen rather than, in the traditio:
journalistic view, weaken those institu-
tions. The shakier they were on the busi-
ness side, the shakier they were bound to
be editorially. Therefore, he saw his own
career not so much gaining pure material
success and making Katharine Graham
happy as, in part at least, one of genuine
social obligation. He had been happy
d fulfilled at Newsweek and he had
been one of the main forces behind
Newsweek's challenge to Time in the
ixties and early Seventies. In 1976,
he was named president of the magazine.
When CBS went looking for Derow in
1977, its representatives told him it was
because he had created a reputation as
someone who could make money but who
also had a social sense and strong valu
Derow, with some misgiving, took the
oller from CBS. He was content at News-

328 week, but the challenge was too great, a

television network was potentially so
much more influential ап institu
than a weekly magazine.

He went over there in 1977 as senior
vice-president. He was to report directly
to John D. Backe, the president of CBS,
and to be Backe’s idea man. There was
some talk that if things panned out as
people hoped, he might one day end up
head of the network. Alas, that was.
not to be. It did not take Derow long to
become disillusioned, No one at CBS
seemed to know where it was going.
Alter a while, he began to think of it a
adar screen, That which troubled him
at first like little blips on the radar,
nd then he began to realize that they
were not just blips on the radar; they
were the radar. The problems he was
encountering were not isolated short-
lived phenomena; they were, instead, the
given. It was a company, he began to
decide, without any value system, and
without any truc vision of itself, He
thought the news division was at the cen-
ter of the company’s role and that was
one of the main reasons he had gone
over to CBS; he was appalled to find t
Backe barely knew Salant and had little
tention of knowing him better. It took
Derow's intervention to get Salant to-
gether with Backe for more than the
monthly group president luncheons. He
did not think that most of the people
charge had any sense of their larger obli
gations. in contrast to Newsweek. where
he believed that Katharine Graham and
her family had imbued the orgar
with some sense of continuity and social
obligation. All they wanted to be was
number one instead of number two.
They wanted to repeat what worked even.
if they did not know what worked, They
1 no sense of balance in broadcasting,
of putting together different programs
for different audiences on a given eve-

ing. The ratings, Derow quickly discov-
ered, were the sole Truth. Suppose, he
asked some of his superiors, the winner
of the lly the win-
ner. Perh ing simply made you
even more the prisoner of a system that
зай long ago been diverted from its orig.
1 purpose. Perhaps, he suggested,
being a little smaller and a little more
selective and trying to broaden the na-
ture of the programs could bring a new
d of victory, victory in quality, and,
on occasion, victory in numbers as well.
Wouldn't that be liberating for the
network?

Derow mentioned his experiences at
Newsweek, where it was not necessarily
in the azine's interest to raise its cir
culation constantly, where the numbers
could on occasion backfire. It was а mis-
take, he said, to think of this country as
just an audience. There were many audi-
aces out there, and there was a good
deal of попсу to be made in reaching

all of them. He suggested that CBS try
to change, that it tell its stockholders, in
effect: “Look, we're going to go for high-
er quality and we're going to change our
programing philosophy and for a year or
two, it's going to cost us some money,
but in the long run, we'll make more
money and we'll be a better, sounder
ard him. No
nderstand what
g. The problem with the

network for it." No one hi
one, he felt. seemed to

he м

5 sı

ratings, he thought, was the way in which
they listened to Nielsen. Instead of em-

phasizing different segments of the audi-
ence and finding different constituencies,
they emphasized only the overall num-
bers, therefore confirming the existing.
value system. There were different audi
ences there, but they refused to find
them. Derow suggested trying to find
different audiences, so that they could
create different programs. No one seemed
interested in what he was suggesting.
Derow became increasingly frustrated.
He soon decided that the situation was
hopeless. He thought that the network
people he met were living in the past,
imprisoned by old, increasingly invalid
experiences, while the country changed
in front of them. The audiences were be-
coming smarter. The executives did not
see the larger society becoming more
ware, more critical, more restive. They
thought the U.S. Senate would always
produce good friends such as John Pas-
tore who would always be easy to de;
with and who would always ask only the
wrong questions of them. Derow thought
Frank Stanton, who had been
ing of a genius at bringing the
networks good public relations, h
probably bought CBS an extra five or six
rs in terms of good public relations,
but that everyone on the outside was
atching up.
Alter only six months at CBS, totally
lusioned, Derow decided to leave
nd go back to Newsweek. He had come
to like Paley very much and thought him
an immensely talented, extraordinarily
cultivated man, someone ol great style
and accomplishment. Paley had treated
him with great courtesy and affection,
behaving not like a father but, given the
difference in ages, morc like a grand-
father. They shared many interests
the world of art and Derow had talked
easily with Paley. When Derow, after so
brief a time, said he was leaving, Paley
was shocked and personally wounded.
He said that Derow 1 betrayed him
nd that his leaving was an immoral act.
Derow said that it was perhaps ungra-
cious and perhaps
not immoral. "You
immoral,” he said. Paley laughed and
agreed, but he was very wounded. ‘Those
who know him well suspected that within
a week, Bill Paley had forgotten com-
pletely about Peter Derow.

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330

PURPOSE OF THE MOON

(continued from page 237)

“The severed ear reminded Marilyn Monroe of a cres-
cent moon; for hours she contemplated it.”

shattered. Yet he shoukl not have been
so surprised. That is often the pattern
love follows.

cent van Gogh cut off his e;
sent it to Marilyn. Monroe. Not long
afterward, Marilyn Monroe flew to Paris,
drove a rented car to the south of France
and called on Vincent van Gogh.
Following proper introduction, Mari-
lyn Monroe produced a package of Host-
cs Twinkies, Because Hostess Twinkics
always travel in pairs: because, like the
coyote, the gorilla, the killer wi
the whooping crane, Hostess
mate for life, there was
for them to sh
When the snack was done, Marilyn
Monroe reached into her sewing basket,
drew out a needle and a spool of green
thr d proceeded to stitch Vincent
van Gogh's ear right back where it be-
aged.
“There,” she said, licking a smear of
Twinkie cream from the corner of her
mouth, "There, you naughty boy. And

the next time you want to clip off a piece
of yourself as а token of affection, you
might keep in mind the old Jewish cus-
tom. It’s less messy, more socially accept-
able. Remember, to ear is human, but
to foreskin is divine,"

cent van Gogh cut off his ear and
sent it to Marilyn Monroe.

The severed reminded Marilyn
Monroe of a crescent moon, and for
hours she contemplated it by moonlight.

She telephoned Vincent van Gogh.
“Does the moon have a purpose?” she

Vincent van Gogh considered her qu
tion, He decided it was silly.
Albert Camus wrote that the
ous question is whether to kill
or not.
Tom Robbins wrote that the only seri-

ly seri-
yourself

у got up on the wrong
side of bed. and Robbins must have for-
gotten to set the alarm.

There is only one serious question.

“Now that we got that out of the way,
my name’s Frank; what's yours?”

And that is: Who knows how to make
loue stay?

Answer me that and I will tell you
whether or not to kill yourself,

Answer me that and I will ease your
mind about the beginning and the end
of time.

Answer me that and I will reveal to
you the purpose of the moon,

Vincent van Gogh cut off his e:
sent it to. Marilyn. Monroe. Paul
guin was aghast, "That was in very bad
taste, Vincent,” Gauguin said. "Years
from now, after you are dead and gone,
you will be better remembered for cut-
ting off your ear than for the beauty and
truth of your art.

From beneath his bandages, Vincent
sh looked at Paul Gauguin and
Don't worry,” he said, “Art takes
care of itself. And what the world thinks
of me when I am dead and gone is none

of my concern. What m. is life.
What matters is love. Yeah.
The next day, cut off

his wile and sent himself to Tahiti

“Poor
Gogh. "He understood only half of w!
I sai

Vincent van Gogh cut off his ex
sent it to Marilyn Monroe. Immedi
he had second thoughts and fell into a
deep depression.

“Oh, why was I so presumptuous?
asked. “An car is much too intimat
what if she doesn't fancy
better have sent violets or phosphor. I
should have sent potatoes, tooth paste or
brush strokes of significant. width.
ear will offend her, I know it. Oh, they
ought to call me Vincent van Gauche.
I've blown it again.”

In the midst of all his fretting, a note
arrived from America, “Dear Mister,” it
began, “Thank you so much for the silk
purse.” Vincent van Gogh relaxed. He
grinned from ear to. . . Oops.

Vincent van Gogh cut off his ear, He
wanted to send it to Marilyn Monroe,
but he didn't know how to go about it.

He couldn't afford to deliver it in
person. They had no mutual friends.
And were he to send it to her movie stu-
dio, a stout woman in a tweed suit would

And

Dar
To United Parcel

Vincent yan Gogh's
Unable to send it through normal chan-
nels, he went out into the wh
and sent it by crow.

г was his love.

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332

WOMEN'S ЦВ aon peci)

“Nowadays, I value my privacy and would welcome
celibacy if it meant peace of mind."

sure have, Because now they have to deal
with the truth. Women who faked or-
gasms for years are now saying, "Hey,
man, what can 1 tell you? It just doesn't
ake it. I love you, but it doesn’t cut it.
Now, either we're gonna work on it or
something else is going to come down."
Men have been hit with that and lots
of other things. It’s a very confusing time
for men. 1 wouldn't want to be а man
right now. You know why? Весаше
whe they had it all wired before—all

down to a pattern —nowadays they don't.
know what the fuck is going on.

ANNE MURRAY, Singer
Some men have changed, and some pay
only lip service and pretend. It's an in-
idual thing: If a woman has authority
and is tci aggressive. and sho:
nobody 1 her. By the same token,
nobody likes a man like that, either,
Women now can talk about sex like
men have always done. They can sit

“Тт sorry, but Bismark is booked through 1981.”

around in the locker room and say, “Hey,
1 got it on last nigh
Men's sex lives have probably changed,
too. It might be a bit more exciting for
men now, because the women аге more
ng more, reading
ing into it now. It was always
t the men were the ones who
were always hungry, but the way I scc it,
everybody is. Everybody's starving.

MARGO ST.
OTE, a
tutes
Yes, men have changed: They're much
g to do the shirwork in the

AMES, Founder of COY-
organization of prosti-

n they were he-
out -

you know, cam
bage, clean the floor, cook,
the women are in the caucus rooms.

Men are changing in lots of way:
special waining course for 1
right now, on female sexual potential,
and I'm providing women guides for
them. Most men don't have adequate
sexual education. There was a poll taken,
it came out in The ) Sexual Etiquette
for Women, by Patria Holt, that said
that only four percent of the men were
adequate lovers and that only one pe
cent were really talented. The other
percent? They got smothered, there was
lack of information, they developed all
these phobias and Led

1 enjoy sex, but 1 can take it or leave
it. Nowadays, 1 value my privacy more
and would welcome celibacy if it meant
peace of mind. Generally, women à
learning more about men sexually
are being more selective about sex а
about how they spend their time with
men.

Women don't want to live off a guy,
with no escape, submit D
ti We'd both like to be financ
suficient; that boih could enjoy
h other as equals. We want equal
we want no wa t a lot of st
You know what we want? We want
many orgasms as we can pet.

LIZ TORRES, Stage performer

I don't think men have ch
think they've become more aware, more
informed. They realize that
do exist. But that isn’t ch
behavior,

You know what I wa
how a n can keep me satisfied? I like
10 be respected and loved and looked up
to. I like to share a life. 1 like a man to
be as strong аз I am, and as intelligen
And I'm no teacher: You get out of bed,
na have to face this person
breakfast table, and you're gonna
have w alk. He's got to have some kind

of line.
Ba

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PLAYBOY

334

PLAYMATE PERFECT

(continued from pagi

200)

"Candy's warm personality is ample evidence that
she grew up in a loving atmosphere.”

e.” (Oh, Mike, you are a wily one. It
was supposed to be ten minutes per
Mike, fen minutes.)

As soon as we received the Polaroids of
Candy, we flew her to Chicago for what
10 be the first of eight shooting ses-
sons over a threemonih period.

Staff Photographer Pompeo Posar, who
photographers to
shoot color slides of Candy, noticed two
things from the start. The first was that
she was a very good model, considering

was the first of o

that she had no previous experience, and
the second was that she had to be fed
ly.
psolutely cannot go on an empty
ach for any length of time,” she says
firmly. “I have to eat. Three evenly
spaced full meals a day, with maybe a
snack now and then, and Im OK. And if
I can't eat, I do best with a glass of milk
Milk is one of my favorite foods. White
or chocolate, 1 Iove milk.”

Obviously, fat is not a problem for

“Before PLAYBOY, America never went
all the way, eh, Pop?"

Candy, What she doesn't burn up, she
works off twice a week in 40-to-60-minute
workouts on Nautilus fitness machines
followed by vigorous swimming. But if
food has a special meaning for her, it
probably reminds her of her family, the
people she says give her the greatest јоу.

Her parents were divorced when she
was ten, and her mother often worked at
two jobs to support Candy and her three
siblings: older sister Cassi, 28; Kevin,

ad younger sister Cari, 20, who's also
student at OU. But Candy's warm, cheer
ful personality is ample evidence that she
rew up in a loving atmosphere

My mother treated each of us as
though we were special" she says. “I had
to learn to share early. I had to accept

new
shoes when I wanted them unless the
other kids had them. I learned a lot

from my brother and sisters, and I love
them very much

Candy’s background didn't prep
her for the I
y she’s enjoyed since becon
ist. She admits that when she arri
Playboy Mansion West for a w
stay and
could hardly adjust to the
ment she received. "I couldnt
the service,” she says.

believe
"m not used to
having my meals cooked for me—and

whatever I wanted, at that! Butlers and
and all. The first time I got hun-
gry between meals, I went to the kitchen
and started browsing in the refrigerator.
One of the kitchen staff. politely told me
to take it easy, get out of the kitchen and.
let him serve те. It was marvelous.

When Candy was told that she had
been chosen for our 25th Anniversary
issue, she immediately called her mother
from Playboy Mansion West, where she
h a number of other final-
ions, beau-
tiful! Tm glad youre doing what you
want to do. I'm proud of you and I love
you." With a mom like that, it’s easy to
sec why Candy's so secure and confident.

Levelheaded lady that she is, she in-
tends to use some of her prize money to
pay her tuition for the balance of her
senior year, then “put the rest in a
account so I'll have some secu
until I get settled into a profession.”
things work out as she'd
a job in public relations for a national
magazine soon after she graduates.

Until then, she'll be traveling, meeting
people all over America and, we hope,
enjoying herself immensely. "I feel so
lucky, so fortunate to have been chosen,"
she says. "Why, if it weren't for this, Га
another girl from Oklahoma,
ot necessarily, Candy. We think
someone would have discovered you
eventually, but we're awfully glad it was
us. You make us want to s: n the im-
mortal words of Jackie Gleason: "How

sweet it is!”

SONY IS
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A big, bold line of cassette decks that’s guaranteedto and electrical device. So both our electronics and our trans-
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Our line extends from under $200, to over $500. So Ali Sony decks are designed with what we call Human
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Pay Or more шагу TEES It means that our controls are comfortable and conve-

And Sony isn't a newcomer to cassette decks. Weve геп Whether it’s a sophisticated LCD display, or an air-
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ives us a reservoir of electronic know-how that allows us to Whether it's an advanced auto-reverse function, or a
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PLAYBOY

336

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the

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starts with the right
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PLAYMATE HUNT

literally couldn't stand up. She couldn't
talk, either. 1 had to ask her to kneel and
Ishot her on her knees. Then she crawled
back into the dressing room and Jocked
the door.”

an Diego, a girl who walked into
"s suite was also so
beauty
bsolutely ter-
"but she was
Our mouths

spoke for itself. "She was
rificd," Morris remembers,
also absolutely gorgeous.

dropped open." As it turned out, the
nicked 18-year-old entrant, Amanda
nd, became a finalist, as

you can sec on page 194.

‘There were those, however, who were
not only relaxed but bold. Brassiest of
the lot was a girl in San Jose who kept
calling Garda at various times of day.

г calls started with a laugh’ sound
playing in the background; when
it stopped, she'd say, “But Fm really

serious,” then launch into a list of
questions on how she should prepare for
her moment before Morris’ camera.

Should I take a vitamin Е bath“) She
sent flowers for ia to her suite; the
on the day she was scheduled to be pho-
tographed, she appeared at the door
bearing а 3'x 3’ laver cake with two
cherry-tipped confectionery br
top; it said, HAPPY BIRTHDAY PLAYHOY.
She wasn't the only applicant who
hoped to somehow influence our staff i
favor. In every city, at tlic
^s shooting, our photographers
would almost always find something be-
longing to ome of the girls. In
the owner would return to rev
item and (not so incidentally) have an-
other conversation with the photogra-
pher. Let it suffice to say that, although
our photographers received innumerable
invitations to dinner, drinks, etc, they
easily managed to spurn the proffered
extras; if only because, as Cohen put
“we were just too damn tired
Or they may have learned
from Mike Berry about a
vilations іп si
spite his fatigue, accepted an іпу
to dinner in Knoxville. One of his hosts,
a lawyer, promised to bring Berry a taste
nuine white lightning. "He brought
nt in the Hyatt
c restaurant,
of the stuff.
for what reason I don't know,
bly the silliness that comes with
tigue, I decided to light my glass. To
see if white lightning would light, I
guess. A blue flame shoots up in the air
two feet. I sit there, figuring it's going
to die out. Well, it dies down, but then
the glass shatters and there's this blue
flame all over the table. I figure that’s
got to die ош It doesn't, This blue flam
is now covcring the tablecloth, The table
starts to go up. The maitre de notices it
out then, comes over with a large wet

ch.

lesson.
dinner
y. de-

(continued from page 208)

towel, calmly smothers
without а word. Like 1
restaurant.

then departs
said, a class

When our photographers and the oth-
er members of our search ticams finally
returned home, they had met and photo-
graphed more than 3000 women (we also
received more than 500 applications
photos through the mail). The applicants
were housewives, secretaries, college stu-
dents, government workers, business
women and, of course, aspiring models
and actresses. About 100 of them were
spotted by our photographers оп sight
as potential Playmates; of those, 50 were
screened out by our Photography De
partment. The remaining 50 were asked
to go to Chicago or Los Angeles studi
for lengthicr test shootings. For many of
those 50, the cxpenses-paid trip and the
opportunity to work with rLavnov's stall
(as well as to experience our special kind
of hospitality) was one of the most excit-
ing events in their lives,

One entrant, Denise McConnell from.
Norman, Oklahoma, was so excited on
being called back that she didn't realize
that she was only being asked to do a
test shooting, The Oklahoma Journal
prematurely published a могу stating
that she was the winner of the search
then had to rum another story explain-
ing the misunderstanding

Fortu Denise was among the
called in a third time

“never in the history of

there been an Okie in the
centerfold” and she wanted to be the
first. Ironically, one made it. The winn

of the search, Candy Lovi is also from.
Oklahoma. But we found Denise's charms
so captivating that we just had to sched-
ule her asa future Playmate, thus making
it very likely that o centerfold will sce
its first two Okies in the same year,

In fact, our 16 finalists were all so
special we wanted to let you see them so
that you could second-guess us. Our very
difficult fal selection was made by
EditorPublisher Hugh M. Hefner, with
the close support of Photography Editor
Gary Cole, who had conceived and di-
rected the hunt with a generalship
worthy of MacArthur. Also in attend-
ance to influence the decision were such
staff heavies as Arthur Kretchmer, Arthur
Paul, Sheldon Wax and Fom Staebler—
ch shamelessly trying to buy votes and
all in the name of beauty.

If our winner isn’t the one you would
have chosen, take heart. Many of the
finalists will be Playmates in the near
future; so to see more of them, you won't
have to wait another 25 years or until the
next national Playmate Hunt, which-
ever comes first.

twis

grandmother."

“We can't make him take it down. It's his

337

The spirit of the Czarlives on.

It was the Golden Age of
Russia. Yet in this time when
legends lived, the Czar stood
like a giant among men.

He could bend an iron bar
on his bare knee. Crush a
silver ruble with his fist. And
had a thirst for life like no
other man alive.

And his drink was Genuine
Vodka. Wolfschmidt Vodka.
Made by special appointment
to his Majesty the Czar. And
the Royal Romanov Court.

It's been 120 years since
then. And while life has
changed since the days of
the Czar, his
Vodka remains
the same.

Wolfschmidt
Genuine Vodka. Ё
The spirit of the з
Czar lives on.

Wolfschmidt Vodka • Distilled from grain > 80 and 100 proof + Wolfschmidt, Relay, М

TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR

MAN
WOMAN

TIME OFF IS GOOD BEHAVIOR

One of the most difficult parts of getting close is learn-
ing to keep your distance. Sharing everything from a
toothbrush to the mortgage can be exhilarating, but there
is also the tyranny of togetherness. Sure, in the early
days of your romance you might happily have sat through
tearjerker film epics that would normally have had you
climbing the walls, just to be with her. And, by the same
token, she may gamely have forced herself to scramble
along when you decided to conquer the local Everest
But one of the real beauties of sharing the big things in
life is that you don't have to share the little ones. If you
ty to, you'll end up feeling that your warm little love
nest is something of a pressure cooker.

All of which makes a great argument for the venerable
institution of the boys’ night out, and you don't have to
be a duespaying member of the bowling-and-beer-belly
union to sce the advantages. The trouble is that many
couples have difficulty with the transition from the round-
the-clock romance of establishing a relationship to some-
thing with a litle breathing room. After months of
nonstop hot and heavy, an evening apart for any less
dramatic reason than an earthquake or a tidal wave can
seem to some women nothing short of a betrayal. Here,
then, are a few suggestions that should help you ease your
love life into a more comfortable fit:

When you start going out without her, do things she
wouldn't want to do or that you couldn't do together.
Use your free night to play a team sport or visit that old
roommate who gives her the creeps.

Таке back something that shows you've thought of her.
But remember that elaborate offerings in the fur and
jewelry class will underline the separation. A magazine
she likes or a treat from the deli is more in the spirit.
"They're no big deal, but then they don't seem like a pay-
off for being “allowed” off the reservation.

Balance your time away from her by taking time you
normally wouldn't spend with her—such as a workday
afternoon—and doing something special together.

Show interest in what she's been doing while you've
been gone. This makes her realize that her time is im-
portant and that she shouldn’t waste it just waiting for
you to get back or resenting your absence.

Encourage her to spend a night out with the girls. And
don’t insist that it be the one you spend with the boys.

Try not to do things with others that she expects to do
with you. Don't, for example, breeze in late for dinner
onc night and announce that you've just seen the new
Woody Allen film that you and she have been looking

forward to for months. You may end up with more free
time than you know what to do with.

BEWARE THE AFFAIR

Having a secret affair is undoubtedly an exciting way
to live; All those afternoons stolen from the office can
have you fecling like Marcello Mastroianni out of James
Bond, But before you go skipping off into the land of silk
sheets and checkered tablecloths, you might want to
consider the wisdom of veteran marriage counselor Her
Lert G. Zerof, author of Finding Intimacy: The Art and
Happiness of Living Together.

In his 20 years of counseling, Zerof has found litle
lence to support the oft-heard hype about extracur-
ricular activities’ being good for a relationship, “А serious
emotional inyolyement with a third party,” he writes,
“brings grief to one or more of the persons involyed.”
Here's just a partial catalog of the potential woes:

If you go back to your mate, you might feel defeated.

If you don't go back to your mate, you might feel
guilty and not be able to enjoy your love:

Your mate can feel miserable because she thinks you
prefer your lover.

Your lover can feel miserable because she thinks she's
getting only a partial mate, and she feels guilty about
breaking up a marriage to boot.

And if you think you can keep the affair a secret,
forget it: When a serious involvement with a third party
exists, Zerof claims, the injured party secms to know
about it within 24 hours. In fact, Zerof has found that
there is often an unspoken agreement that one partner
protects the union while the other frolics. (Note: All of
this applies only to a fullscale champagne-and-roses
affair. The occasional chance encounter with a stranger
or even the impulsive one-night stand with a friend
comes under the heading of casual sex, which Zerof
contends can have “little long-range effect on а couple.)

More often than not, couples get back together after
an affair, but when these original partners are reunited,
they generally find the relationship empty—not much
love and plenty of mistrust. If such a relationship is to
continue, Zerof says, it will be because the mates find a
renewed basis for coming together.

"The alternative to a clandestine ir is to have it all
out in the open with your mate. That may mean ending
a relationship painfully, of course, but Zerof believes
that you can never be emotionally free to make a real
beginning with someone new until you've confronted your
mate with the truth of your feelings. “Otherwise,” he
warns, “the first relationship remains repressed and will
return to haunt the partner attempting escape.”

al
Я
9
=
[65]

‘J
5
ке)

E
B

Benson & Hedges
Lights

D licotine av. per cigarette, by FTC method"

Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined
That Cigarette Smoking ls Dangerous to Your Health

Sh ie

TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR

EUROPE,
A MOTORCYCLE
AND YOU

er regions of the States, you've probably got your

machine tucked away in storage, awaiting the day
when the ice and salt have disappeared from the streets.
But even though you may not be out riding, it's not too
soon to plan for next summer's cycling adventures—and
the most exciting one of all is to hop the big pond and
take your two-wheel balancing act to Europe.

There really are only three viable ways to see Europe
on a bike: (1) Buy a new machine there, drive it while
you're abroad and then have it shipped back; (2) rent a
bike; or (3) buy a used bike from a dealer, who will
take it back at the end of your junket for about $300 less
than you paid for it.

I Е you're a motorcyclist who lives in one of the cold-

THE BUY-BACK PLAN

Several dealers in England recently introduced a buy-
back program that at this writing is the lowest-cost solu-
tion to the problem of where to acquire a motorcycle in
Europe. Under this plan, you arrive on their doorstep.
with about $1500 and buy a touring-sized bike (probably
Japanese and used but in excellent condition) with the
understanding they'll buy it back at the end of the tour—
provided you've kept it in good shape—for about $250-
$800 less than what you paid for it. Add $125 for
insurance and you've still got a good deal.

"The dealer with whom I've had the most contact is Jim
Lee of Interbyke Exports, 116 Abbey Street, Nuneaton,
Warwickshire CV11 5BX, England. An English delivery,
incidentally, offers you the opportunity to ride through
England and Scotland, then ship your bike across the
Channel to Calais, France, before returning it,

RENTING OR BUYING A BIKE

If you already own your own machine, you can, of
course, take it over with you, but that's $500 in shipping
costs alone. Rental is possible, but expensive; figure about
$750 for three weeks, including insurance.

The time is going, unfortunately, when you could ex-
pect to purchase a bike in Germany, ride it around until
you went broke, shi home and then sell it for enough
to cover the whole trip. But savings are still possible—up
to $800 on BMW's top-of-the-line R100RS, for example.
Customs will be dipping into your jeans for its five per-
cent (you pay duty on the used-bike value only) and
there are insurance, setup and registration charges.

BMW fanatics in search of a new bike should contact
Butler and Smith, Inc. (Box H, Norwood, New Jersey

07648), as 1—5 the U.S. representative for this noted
marque and has handled so many European deliveries for
American cyclists that you can be fully equipped and out
of BMW's Munich office in less than an hour.

THE MOTORCYCLE TOUR

Those new to motorcycles or to Europe, or both, might
feel more comfortable riding in the company of someone
who already knows the ropes and the roads, Bob Beach,
who heads Beach's Motorcycle Adventures, 2763 West Riv-
er Parkway, Grand Island, New York 14072, has been run-
ning 21-day motorcycle tours of Europe since 1972. For
$1950 (round trip, Boston to Munich), he'll book you on
his June or September run, which takes in southern Ger-
many, Austria, Italy, France, Switzerland and Liechten-
stein, Beach tries to limit each tour to 30 people but often
has more. Large-pack riding is discouraged in favor of
small clusters as the drivers see fit, Each tour covers about
2000 miles and includes all hotels and most meals. And a
BMW repair van follows the pack, just in case.

For transportation, Beach recommends that you buy a
new BMW cycle in Munich, travel with it on the tour
and then have it shipped back to the States (he'll do all
the paperwork for you)

In small towns, arrangements are made for the cycles
to be locked up in a shed, barn or garage. When you ar-
rive in a major city, however, they're housed in the hotel's
parking facilities.

Another experienced cycle-tour leader, Michael Von
Thielmann of Von Thielmann Tours, 709 E Street, San
Diego, California 92101, is putting together a Euro-
pean run for next September that will include Bavaria,
‘Austria, Yugoslavia, Italy and Switzerland. The cost will
be 51230, round trip, New York to Munich via Amster-
dam—not including whatever arrangements you make for
buying or renting a bike. For riders’ convenience, two
luggage vans, a mechanic and a car with a motorcycle
trailer will follow the group. Von Thielmann and Beach
arc both pros who know Europe well.

All of the alternatives and specifics on cycle traveling
abroad are detailed in a book close to my heart, Europe,
the Two-Wheeled Adventure, by Philcox and Boe. It's
available at bookstores or from IPS, 5118 Rolling Hills
Court, Tampa, Florida 33167, for $9.85, postpaid. And
while I'm tooting my own horn, you might consider
spending $15 to become a member of the International
"Fourer's Club, an organization I formed that publishes a
quarterly newsletter on overseas cycle riding. Particulars
are available from the same address. —PHIL FHILCOX-

AHSIORY OF EXCELLENCE
SINCE GOS

TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR

SOUND ADVICE
ON STEREO
ADD-ONS

if і
MALAM ЕД

machinery to reproduce accurately whatever is on

a record or tape now come products designed to
let you drastically change the original signal. For the
most part, the new add-ons are direct descendants of
devices used in professional sound work and, indeed, a
stereo system outfitted with one or more of them permits
its owner to disagree with the recording engineer and
even—in some instances—to effectively alter the acoustics
of his listening room.

F rom the people who have given you all that audio

THE ANTINOISE CAMPAIGN.

To remove noises from a signal source selectively,
there are new filters that do not at the same time lop off
a major portion of the music. Onc is dic Audioarts Model
1500 Notch Filtcr. You can tune it to neatly excise a
narrow frequency segment here and there along the audio
range, while leaving the rest of the response intact. For
more general high-frequency noise removal, there's a
device, such as KLH Burwen's DNF 1201A, that samples
and suppresses the hash in the music.

Some units remove only record-surface noise and also fill
in (or seem to) the split-second hiatus in the music created
by the surgery. If that sort of suave cleanup intrigues
you, check out such models as the SAE 5000, the Garrard
MRM-101 and the KLH Burwen TNE 7000A. List prices
for these units average between $200 and $300 each.

DELAYED ACTION

One type of audio device is designed to delay part of
the signal as it whisks through a sound system. The de-
layed portion then is combined with the unaltered signal
to create an effect of ambience or “space” akin to that of
the original performing environment. The most ad-
vanced models do three things: 1. recover whatever
ambience is "hidden" in a recording; 2. introduce a
time delay that represents the reverberant character of a
larger room; and 3. carefully roll off the extreme highs
in the delayed signal (which is what happens to them in
a large hall). The processed signal is fed to a separate
stereo amplifier and a pair of rear-located speakers. Add-
ing ambience takes about as much new hardware as
quadraphonic sound, but ambience lovers insist it is bet-
ter. And it can be applied to any program source, includ-
ing broadcasts and old mono recordings.

The number of delay-ambience devices has grown in
the past two years, Prices run fairly high, about $650 for
a unit such as the Phase Linear 6000 or the Sound
Concepts 512550. For about $1000, there's the ADS Model
10, which includes a built-in amp and matched speakers.

UP AND DOWN THE RANGE

More numerous than delay systems are the graphic
equalizers. They're called graphic because when the slider
controls along the front panel are adjusted, the resulting
visual pattern resembles the frequency contour that's
been selected. OK, a few use knobs, but the acoustic
effect is the same.

Equalizers vary in complexity, capability and cost. But
what they all do, basically, is divide the total audio
range into segments and provide boost and cut control
over each segment. The most common type divides the
range (rom 20 Hz (cycles per second) to 20,000 Hz into ten
octaves. Some, more professionally oriented, provide more
bands of one-third octaves.

Each type has its partisans who will argue for their
choice at the drop of a decibel. The reason for the big
interest in equalizers is the big jobs they can do. Correct-
ly adjusted, a good equalizer can compensate for frequen-
cy bummers in a recording as well as in amplifier or
speaker or room acoustics, It can tune out а pesky room
resonance, tame standing waves that otherwise distort the
sound, bring up selected highs and/or lows to clarify
the inner detail of complex musical passages and let you
focus aurally on a given instrumental section. An equal-
izer also can produce sonic mayhem if misadjusted, but
that’s your fault not that of the equipment,

Prices vary from about $200 for the small but reliable
MXR Equalizer to $1275 for the professional-grade Altec
Acousta-Voicctte 729A. There are, in fact, upwards of 40
models on the market.

SQUEEZING IN MORE DECIBELS

Several firms also offer dynamicrange expanders to
make the louds louder and the softs softer. The idea is
that in recording and broadcasting, the original dynamic
range of music is compressed to suit the medium. Restor
ing it, albeit artificially, is said to add an element of
realism to the reproduced sound. Pioneer offers models,
as do dBx, Phase Linear and Heath (the last is available
only in kit form).

A FINAL NOTE

One view among the audio-minded is that these add-
ons can fill real needs in overcoming limitations of pro-
gram material, equipment and room acoustics. Another
view has it that while these devices are useful tools for the
sound pro, they are for most home stereo owners a form
of adult toy catering to the engineering urge latent in
many of us. The hell with that noise. Lets hear it Ba
for latent urges! — NORMAN EISENBERG

PLAYBOY

344

SEX IS POLITICS

(continued from page 214)

“Curiously enough, Paul is the only Old or New
T'estament maven to condemn lesbianism."

equality was not acceptable either to the
authors of the Old Testament or to
Freud himself. Today, almost 3000 years
after Moses came down from Sinai,
women are approaching equality with
men in the United States. But the war
against woman's equality still goes on;
at the moment, it is being conducted in
the name of The Family.

The New Testaments Christ is a
somewhat milder figure than the Jehovah
of the Old Testament. Yet one is very
much the son of the other, and so, pre-
sumably, nothing basic was supposed to
change in the relations between the
sexes. In fact, at one point, Jesus dis-
plays a positively Portnoyesque exasper-
ation with the traditional Jewish mother.
“Woman,” he says to Mary, “what art
thou to me?" Mary's no doubt lengthy
answer has not been recorded.

As а Jew, Jesus took seriously the Ten
Commandments. But he totally confused
the whole business of adultery by saying
that even to entertain so much as a Car-
terlike lust for a woman is the equivalent
of actually commiting adultery. Jesus
also went on record as saying that whores
had as good a chance of getting to heaven
as IRS men, It is possible that he meant
this as a joke. If so, it is the only joke in
the New Testament.

To an adulteress, Jesus said, “Neither
do I condemn thee,” before suggesting
that she stop playing around. Jesus had
nothing to say about homosexuality, mas-
turbation or the Equal Rights Amend-
ment; but he did think the absolute
world of eunuchs (Matthew 19:10-12).
Finally, Jesus believed that the world
was about to end. “But I tell you of a
truth, there are some standing here, who
shall not taste of death, till they see the
kingdom of God” (Luke 9:27). As far as
we can tell, the world did not end in
the First Century AD., and all those
standing there died without having seen
the kingdom.

A few years later, Saint Paul had his
vision on the road to Damascus. “Both
Jews and gentiles all are under sin,
what is that bestseller verb?—shrilled.
Since Paul was also convinced that the
world was about to end, he believed that
man must keep himself ritually pure for
the day of judgment, and ritual purity
required a total abstention from sex. For
those who could not remain heroically
chaste (to “abide even as 1"), Paul rather
sourly agreed that "it is better to marry
than to burn'—burn with lust, by the
way, not hellfire, as some primitive
Christers like to interpret that passage.

Paul also advised married men to live
with their wives “as though they had
none... . For the form of this world
is passing away.” Although this world's
form did not pass away, Paul's loathing
of sexuality did not pass away, either.
As a result, anyone brought up in a
Christian-dominated society will be
taught from birth to regard his natural
sexual desires as sinful, or worse.

A state of constant guilt in the citizen-
ry is a good thing for rulers who tend
not to take very seriously the religions
that they impose on their subjects, Since
marriage was the only admissible outlet
for the sexual drive, that institution was
used as a means of channeling the sexual
drive in a way that would make docile
the man, while the woman, humanly
speaking, existed only as the repository
of the sacred sperm (regarded as a man-
ifestation of the Holy Ghost).

Woman was commanded to serve and
obey her husband as totally as he, in
turn, served and obeyed his temporal,
Bible-quoting master. If one had set out
deliberately to invent a religion that
would effectively enslave a population,
one could not have done much bener
than Judaco-Christianity.

Curiously enough, Paul is the only
Old or New Testament maven to con-
demn lesbianism, an activity that Queen
Victoria did not believe existed and
Jesus ignored. But Paul knew better.
Why, even as he spoke, Roman ladies
were burning “in their lust one toward
another ... 1” Whenever Paul gets onto
the subject of burning lust, he shows
every sign of acute migraine.

Now, what is all this nonsense really
about? Why should natural sexual dc-
sires be condemned in the name of reli-
gion? Paul would have said that since
judgment day was scheduled for early
next year, you should keep yourself
ritually clean and ritual cleanliness
amongst the Jews involved not only sex-
ual abstinence but an eschewal of shell-
fish. But Paul's hatred of the flesh is
somewhat hard to understand in the
light of Jesus’ fairly relaxed attitude.
On the other hand, Paul's dislike of
homosexuality is a bit easier to under-
stand (though never properly under-
stood by American Christers). It derives
from the Old Testament book Leviticus,
the so-called Holiness Code.

Homosexual relations between heroes
were often celebrated in the ancient
world. The oldest of religious texts tells
of the love between two men, Gilgamesh
and Enkidu. When Enkidu died, Gilga-

mesh challenged death itself in order to
bring his lover back to life. In the Iliad,
Gilgamesh's rage is echoed by Achilles
when his lover Patroclus dies before the
walls of Troy. So intense was the love
between the heroes David and Jonathan
that David noted in his obituary of
Jonathan, “Thy love to me was wonder-
ful, passing the love of women.” Else-
where in the Old Testament, the love
that Ruth felt for Naomi was of a sort
that today might well end in the joint
ownership of a ceramics kiln at Laguna
Beach. Why, then, the extraordinary fuss
about homosexuality in Leviticus?

Leviticus was written either during or
shortly after the Jewish exile in Babylon
(586-538 mc). The exile ended when
Persia's Great King Cyrus conquered
Babylon. Tolerant of all religions, Cyrus
let the Jews go home to Jerusalem,
where they began to rebuild the temple
that had been destroyed in 586. Since it
was thought that the disasters of 586
might have been averted had the Jews
been a bit more straitlaced in their
deportment, Leviticus was drafted. It
contained a very stern list of dos and
don'ts, Adultery, which had been pro-
scribed by Moses, was now not only
proscribed but the adulterers were to be
put to death, while “If a штап... lie
with mankind, as he lieth with a woman,
both of them have committed an abom-
ination” and must be put to death.

What is all this about? In earlier days,
Jonathan and David were much ad-
mired. Was their celebrated love for
each other an abomination? Obviously
not. The clue to the mystery is the word
abomination, which derives from the
Hebrew word to'ebah, meaning idola-
trous. At the time of Leviticus (and long
before), the Great Goddess was wor-
shiped throughout the Middle Fast. She
had many names: Cybele, Astarte, Diana,
Anahita. Since the Jews thought that the
Great Goddess was in direct competition
with their Great God, they denounced
her worshipers as idolatrous, or to'ebah,
or abominable; and particularly disap-
proved of the ritual sex associated with
her worship. Many of Cybele's admirers
castrated themselves for her glory while
male and female prostitutes crowded the
temple precincts, ready for action.

In Babylon, every respectable woman
was obliged to go at least once in a life-
time to the temple and prostitute herself
to the first pilgrim who was willing to
pay her. According to Herodotus, ill-
favored women were obliged to spend
an awful lot of time at the temple, try-
ing to turn that reluctant trick that
would make them blessed in the eyes of
the goddess.

No doubt, many Jews in Babylon were
attracted, if not to the goddess’ worship,
to the sexual games that went on in
her temples. Therefore, the authors of
Leviticus made it clear that any Jew who

went with a male or female temple pros-
titute was guilty of an idolatrous or
abominable act in the eyes of the Great
God Jehovah—a notoriously jealous god
by his own admission. As a result, the
abominations in Leviticus refer not to
sexual acts as such but to sexual acts
associated with the cult of the Great
Goddess.

Elsewhere in the Old Testament, Sod-
om was destroyed not because the inhab-
itants were homosexualists but because
a number of local men wanted to gang-
rape a pair of male angels who were
guests of the town. That was a violation
of the most sacred of ancient taboos:
the law of hospitality. Also, gang rape,
whether homosexual or heterosexual, is
seldom agreeable in the eyes of any deity.

Human beings take a long time to
grow up. This fact means that the tribe
or the family or the commune is obliged
to protect and train the young in those
skills that will be needed for him to
achieve a physical maturity whose sole
purpose seems to be the passing on to a
new generation of the sacred DNA code.
The nature of life is more life. This is
not very inspiring, but it is all that we
know for certain that we have. That is
why our religiopolitical leaders have al-
ways glorified the tribe or the Family or.
the state at the expense of the individ-
val. But societies change and when they
do, seemingly eternal laws are super-
seded. Flat earth proves to be a sphere.
Last year's wisdom is this year's folly.

In an overpopulated world, the Bibli-
cal injunction to bc fruitful and multi-
ply is les and less heeded. ‘Thanks to
increased automation and incontinent
breeding, every industrial society in the
world now has more workers than it
needs. Meanwhile, housing has become
so expensive that it is no longer possible
for three generations of a family to
live in the same house, the ideal of most
Christers and strict Jews. Today the nu-
dear family consists of a boy for you
and a girl for me in a housing develop-
ment... hardly an idcal setting for
cither children or parents,

At this point, it would seem sensible
to evolve a different set of arrangements
for the human race. Certainly, fewer
families would mean fewer children, and
that is a good thing. Those who have a
gift for parenthood (an infinitely small
minority) ought to be encouraged to
have children, Those without the gift
ought to be discouraged. People would
still live in pairs if that pleased them,
but the social pressure to produce babies
would be lifted.

Unhappily, the thrust of our society is
still Judaeo-Christian. As a result, the
single American male and the working
woman are second-dass citizens. A single
man's median income is $11,069, while
his married brother's income is $14,268

and his working sister's salary is $9231.
"This is calculated discrimination. Plain-
ly, it is better to marry than to be
ill-paid.

After tax reform, this year’s major po-
litical issue is Save the Family. Predict-
ably, the Christers have been gunning
for women's libbers and fags, two minor-
ities that appear to endanger the family.
Not so predictably, a number of Jews are
now joining in the attack. This is odd,
to say the least. Traditionally, Jews tend
to a live-and-letlive attitude on the sensi-
ble ground that whenever things go
wrong in any society where Jews are a
minority, they will get it in the neck. So
why make enemies? Unfortunately, Jew-
ish tolerance has never really extended to
homosexuality, that permanent abomi-
nation. Fag baiting by American Jewish
journalists has always been not only fash-
ionable but, in a covert way, antigoyim.

Eighteen years ago, the busy journalist
Alfred Kazin announced that homosex-
uality was a dead end for a writer.
Apparently, fags couldn't make great lit-
erature. Today he is no longer quite so
certain. In a recent issue of Esquire,
Kazin accepted the genius of Gertrude
Stein, but he could not resist mocking
her lesbianism; he also felt it necessary
to tell us that she was "fat, queer-look-
ing,” while her lover Alice B. Toklas
was equally ugly. Although Kazin can
accept—barely—the genius of am occa-
sional fag waiter, lie detests what he calls
“the gay mob.” He is distressed that
“homosexuality is being politicized and
is becoming a social fact and a form of
social pressure. Does the increasing im-
patience on all sides with the family, the
oldest human institution, explain the
widespread growth or emergence of
homosexuality amidst so much anxiety
about overpopulation?” This is one of
those confused rhetorical questions

whose answer is meant to be implicit in
the polemical tone.

Actually, there is no such thing as a
homosexual person, any more than there
is such a thing as a heterosexual person.
The words are adjectives describing scx-
ual acts, not people. Those sexual acts
are entirely natural; if they were not, no
one would perform them. But since
Judaism proscribes the abominable, the
irrational rage that Kazin and his kind
feel toward homosexualists has triggered
an opposing rage. Gay militants now as-
sert that there is something called gay
sensibility, the outward and visible sign
of a new kind of human being. Thus
madness begets madness.

I have often thought that the reason
no one has yet been able to come up
with a good word to describe the homo-
sexualist (sometimes known as gay, fag,
queer, etc.) is because he does not exist.
The human race is divided into male
and female. Many human beings enjoy
sexual relations with their own sex;
many don't; many respond to both. This
plurality is the fact of our nature and
not worth fretting about.

Today Americans are in a state of
terminal hysteria on the subject of sex
in general and of homosexuality in par-
ticular because the owners of the coun-
try (buttressed by a religion that they
have shrewdly adapted to their own
ends) regard the family as their last
means of control over those who work
and consunic. Fur two inillcnnia, wom-
en have been treated as chattel, while
homosexuality has been made to seem
acrime, a vice, an illness.

In the Symposium, Plato defined the
problem: "In Ionia and other places,
and generally in countries which are
subject to the barbarians [Plato is refer-
ring to the Persians, who were the mas-
ters of the Jews at the time Leviticus was
written], the custom [homosexuality] is

PLAYBOY

held to be dishonorable; loves of youths
share the evil repute in which philoso-
phy and gymnastics are held, because
they are inimical ro tyranny; the inter-
ests of rulers require that their subjects
should be poor in spirit and that there
should be no strong bond of friendship
or society among them, which love,
above all other motives, is likely to in-
spire, as our Athenian tyrants learned by
experience; for the love of Aristogeiton
and the constancy of Harmodius had a
strength which undid their power.” This
last refers to a pair of lovers who helped
overthrow the tyrants at Athens.

То this, our American Jews would
respond: So what else would you expect
from an uncircumcised Greek? While
our American Christers would remind us
of all those scorching letters that Saint
Paul sent off to the residents of Corinth
and Athens.

Although the founders of our republic
intended the state to be entirely secular
in its laws and institutions, in actual
fact, our laws are a mishmash of Judaeo-
Christian superstitions. One ought
never to be surprised by the intolerant
vehemence of our fundamentalist Christ-
ers. After all, they started the country,
and the 17th Century bigot Cotton
Mather is more central to their beliefs
than the 18th Century liberal George
Mason, who fathered the Bill of Rights.
But it is odd to observe Jews making
common cause with Christian bigots.

I have yet to read anything by a
Christer with an LQ. above 95 that is as
virulent as the journalist Joseph Ep-
stein's statement (in Harper's magazine):
“If I had the power to do so. I would
wish homosexuality off the face of this
earth. 1 would do so because I think that
it brings infinitely more pain than pleas-
ure to those who are forced to live with
it," etc. Surely, Epstein must realize that
if the word Jewry were substituted for
homosexuality, a majority of American
Christers would be in full agreement. No
Jew ought ever to mention the removal
of any minority “from the face of this
earth.” It is unkind. It is also unwise in
а Christer-dominated society where а
pogrom is never not a possibility.

In a recent issue of Partisan Review,
what I take to be a Catskill hotel called
the Hilton Kramer wants to know why
the New York intellectuals are not offer-
ing the national culture anything "in the
way of wisdom about marriage and the
family, for example? Anything but at-
tacks, and often vicious attacks, on the
most elementary fealties of family life?"

The hotel is worried that for the na-
tion at large, the New York intellectual
world is represented in the pages of
The New York Review of Books "by the
likes of Gore Vidal and Garry Wills." I
assume that the hotel disapproves of
Wills and me because we are not Jewish.

346 The hotel then goes on to characterize

me as “proselytizing for the joys of bug-
gery.” Needless to say, 1 have never done
such a thing, but I can see how to a
superstitious and ill-run hotel anyone
who has worked hard to remove consent-
ing sexual relations from the statute
books (and politics) must automatically
be a salesman for abominable vices, as
well as a destroyer of the family and an
eater of shellfish.

Finally, dizziest of all. we have the
deep thoughts of Norman Podhoretz, the
editor of Commentary, a magazine sub-
sidized by the American Jewish Con-
gress. In the Sixties, Podhoretz wrote a
celebrated piece in which he confessed
that he didn’t like niggers. Now, in the
Seventies, he has discovered that he
doesn't like fags, either—on geopolitical
rather than rabbinical grounds.

In an article called “The Culture of
Appeasement” (again in Harper's), Pod-
horetz tells us that the Vietnam caper
had a bad effect on Americans because
we now seem not to like war at all. Of
course, “The idea of war has never been
as natural or as glamorous to Americans
as it used to be to the English or the
Germans or the French.” Podhoretz ob-
viously knows very little American his-
tory. As recently as Theodore Roosevelt,
war was celebrated as the highest of all
human activities. Sadly, Podhoretz com-
pares this year’s United States to Eng-
land in the Thirties when, he assures
us, a powerful homosexual movement
made England pacifist because the fags
did not want beautiful (or even ugly?)
boys killed in the trenches.

Aside from the fact that quite as many
faggots like war as heterosexualists (Car-
dinal Spellman, Senator Joe McCarthy,
General Walker), the argument makes
no sense, When the English were ready
to fight Hitler, they fought. As for Viet-
nam, if we learned anything from our
defeat so far from home, it was that we
have no right to intervene militarily in
the affairs of another nation.

But Podhoretz is not exactly disinter-
ested. As ап agent for Isracl, he fears
that a craven United States might one
day refuse to go to war to protect Israel
from its numerous enemies. Although I
don’t think that he has much to worry
about, it does his cause no good to at-
tribute our country’s alleged pacifism to
a homosexual conspiracy. After all, that
is the sort of mad thinking that inspired
Hitler to kill not only 6,000,000 Jews but
also 600,000 homosexualists.

In the late Sixties and early Seventies,
the enemies of the Equal Rights Amend-
ment set out to smear the movement as
lesbian, All sorts of militant right-wing
groups have since got into the act: the
Ku Klux Klan, the John Birch Society,
the Committee for the Survival of a
Free Congress, Phyllis Schlaflys Eagle
Forum, The Conservative Caucus and

dozens of other likeminded groups.
Their aim is to deny equal rights to
women through scare tactics. If the
amendment is accepted, they warn us
that lesbians will be able to marry each
other, rape will be common, men will
use women's toilets. This nonsense has
been remarkably effective.

But then, as The Conservative Caucus’
Howard Phillips told The New Republic
with engaging candor, “We're going
after people on the basis of their hot
buttons.” In the past year, the two hot-
test buttons have proved to be sexual:
ERA. and gay rights legislation. Or
“Save the Family” and “Save Our
Children.”

Elsewhere in the badlands of the na-
tion, one Richard Viguerie is now the
chief money raiser for the powers of
darkness. In 1977, Vij ie told the
Congressional Quarterly, “I'm willing to
compromise to come to power. There
aren't 50 percent of the people that share
my view, and I'm willing to make con-
cessions to come to power." That has a
familiar Nuremberg ring.

Viguerie is said to haye at least
10,000,000 names and addresses on file.
He sends out mailings and raises large
sums for all sorts of far-right political
candidates and organizations. But Vi-
guerie is not just a hustler. He is also an
ideologue. “I have raised millions of
dollars for the conservative movement
over the years and I am not happy with
the results. 1 decided to become more
concerned with how the money is spent.”
He is now beginning to discuss the crea-
tion of a new political party.

Among groups that Vigucrie works for
and with is Gun Owners of America.
He also works closely with Phyllis
Schlafly, who dates back to Joe McCarthy
and Barry Goldwater; currently, she
leads the battle against the E.R.A. An-
other of Viguerie's clients is Utah's Sen-
ator Orrin Hatch, a proud and ignorant.
man who is often mentioned as a possi-
ble candidate for President if the far
right should start a new political party.

Viguerie has vowed that "the organ-
ized conservative community is going to
put in many times more than 3,000,000
(sic). . . . I want a massive assault on
Corigress in 1978. I don't want any token
efforts. We now have the talent and
resources to move in a bold, massive
way. I think we can move against Con-
gress in 1978 in a way that's never been
conceived of.”

“Move against Congress.” That sounds
like revolution. Anyway, it will be inter-
esting to see whether or not Congress was
overwhelmed in November; to see wheth-
er or not those children will actually be
saved; to see whether or not fealty will
be sworn by all right-thinking persons to
the endangered family.

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ANA 175 HARD Tod

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Gy HE DAY.

GOSHano GOLLY,
PRISCILLA ! IT SURE IS
NICE OF YOU TO COME
OVER AND HELP ME
WITH МУ STUDIES
WHILE MYFOLKS
ARE AWAY!

SURE LIKE
A GUY WITH

А SMART ASENSE OF HUMOR
Бев от | HOST. N A MAN:

HE GIRLS DRY OFF WHILE
| JERRY IS UPSTAIRS...

YOU KNOW, PRIS, ЧС AND A
15 WHAT I LOOK FOR SCHLONG

LOOKS LIKE YOU
TWO WILL HAVE ТО

C'MON, GALS! WE'LL
HII TH’ BOOKS LATER!

LET'S ALL FOOL

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I PROMISE...
NO MORE

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ASS OF YOURS,

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JERRY!
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DOWN ON THE SOFA,
PRIS? А/Д /HA f LOOK

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CUSHION UNDER THE SEAT!

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JOKE’S ON YOU!

TUM Du EB Sh ed COUPLINGS—OMNISEXUALITY BENG ALL

SALYEW TASHUNS, EQUINOUS QUADREWPED! (ніст)
EMBOLDENED AS I AM BY THE SALUBRIOUS MNISTRASHUNS
OF VINTAGE FIREWATER, MIGHT I PROPOSE AS BALM FOR

BE NOT DETURD BY SOCIETAL STRIKCHURS MAY 1 INTERPRET

YER SILENCE AS
ACQUIESCENCE,
CHERISHED HORSE?

REGARDING IMPROVIZASHUNAL ER(

THE RAGE IN THE CHIC BACKWASH OF
VARYUS STELLAR CULCHURAL PIONEERS
AND DENIZENS OF DUBIOUS OLD-WEST DISCOS.

MY INSURGENT HORNYNESS AN UNCONVENSHUNAL
CARNAL ALLIANCE
BETWEEN THYSELF.
AND МЕ?

OF TIME WHICH WOOD BE REQUIRED TO EVALUATE YER PRO-
FESSHUNAL HISTORY, CREDIT REFERENCES AND COLLEGE,
BORED SKOARS PRIOR TO DETERMINASHUN OF YER FITNESS
AS MY SEXUAL PARTNER; (t) THE BLOOD TEST ON YER PART
WHICH WOOD BE DE RIGUEUR TO ESTABLISH YER FREEDOM FROM
VENEREAL INFEKSHUNS; AND (91 HAVE A HEADACHE DEW
— TO THE BRICK JUST HURTLED
AT MY NOGGIN BY YON
RODENT IGNATZ!

L FEER I MUST DEKLINE YER TITILLATING PROPOZISHUN DEW
TO THE FOLLOWING EXIGENCIES: (e) THE UNGAINLY EXPENDICHUR.

ALLOW ME TO APPEAL YER
VERDICT, WORTHY STEED.
AARRRGH!!

349

350

WHAT'S THIS? W IT'S A NICE
EAST HOTEL IN THE
BLOTNIK'? | CATSKILLS. EVEN
BUDDY WACKETT
PLAYED THERE.

TRUST ME!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

BENNY JUICE’ }
SSS.

I Соме To You
FOR HELP AND
WHAT HAPPENS 2
YOU GET ME A
GIG IN EAST
BLOTNIK!

MR. BENNY
JUICE?

MR. PUHTZ
WILL SEE You
NOM.

QUIET!
им NOT
SCREWING
You, BENNY !
I THINK oF
you AS A

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Quiet! DO
AS YOURE

BENNY, AM Т
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YOU! COME, SIT!

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SURE I GOT

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"| EVER SINCE BERLE,

PEOPLE WANNA

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UP comics?

MM BENG
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PUHTZ,MY OWN
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ING ME! HELP!

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COMMANDER Wt
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WELL tV HAMD I

351

PLAYBOY

352

Child's Garden

(continued from page 241)

“Hubert is 14 and Pm six—two great bodies stand-
ing side by side, changing clothes.”

would walk around with our stomachs
breathing together. We played together
and when old people went for our heads,
we ducked, because we were kind of
smooth dudes.

But we had one friend that we looked
up to, His name was Hubert. Hubert was
14 years old and Hubert had a body with
muscles and that was the thing we loved
about Hubert, Hubert would play base-
ball with us, and take his shirt off
because it was hot and he was sweati
and you could see muscles up in
breast. You could also see six stomach
musdes sticking out.

Hubert was big and strong and Hubert
had outlines of muscles. You could see
all six of his stomach muscles and you
could see his two breast muscles and that
was really a strong look, ‘cause all the
strong men and Charles Atlas on the
back of the comic book had them, too,
and Hubert had 'em and his arms were
big, but mostly he had 'em up in his
chest and I'd look at that, 'cause Hubert.
was strong and he was my friend and he
would protect me.

Me and Roland looked up to Hubert
and one day Hubert decided that he was
gonna take us swimming. We lived in

“A heart transplant isn’t
worth much if he doesn't look good—let's give
him a hair transplant, too."

North Philadelphia and we had to go
down to this place, Eighth and Green. It
was a public swimming pool and at
Eighth and Green you would swim by
rounds. Boys could swim Tuesday,
Thursday and Saturday and the girls
could swim the other days; but we never
knew why they had to swim, ‘cause only
three girls showed up for the whole
thing, but 18,000 boys showed up Tues-
day, Thursday and Saturday. Hubert
said he was going to take us swimming,
so he went over and asked our parents
and my parents said yes and Roland’s
parents said yes, and we were really tick-
led, man—Hubert was taking us swim-
ming. My father gave me a pair of Navy
swimming trunks, which were black апа
made out of real wool, and they held
water real good. When we went in to
change clothes, the cubicles held two
people, so Roland had to change by him-
self and I was in there with Hubert.

Hubert is 14 and I'm six—two great
bodies standing side by side, changing
clothes, and I took off my shirt and
Hubert took off his shirt. I took off my
pants and I grabbed my black woolen
tronks with my father's serial numbers
stenciled on them and took the pin that
my mother gave me to put in them so
that they would stay up, and Hubert
took off his pants and, of course, I was
very interested, ‘cause he was М and I
wanted to look, you know, and I looked
and Hubert had hair. I'm telling you, I
was never so tickled. That was the
funniest-looking thing I had ever seen, I
mean hair, and I started to laugh, but I
didn't want Hubert to know I was laugh-
ing at him, 'cause it was just funny
looking and on top of that, I became
frustrated, because when you see some
thing weird, you want to tell somebody
and there was nobody else with us, so I
went out around to where Roland was
changing by himself. I said, "Roland,
come look at Hubert."

And Roland said, "What's the matter?"

I said, “You come and see this. Go in
and look. Just look—you'll see

And Roland went around and he came
out laughing and said, “He got hair.”

Well, maybe we would get some. But
we didn't know how it was going to
come. Was it a man who delivered it—
you know, on the U.P.S. truck? You nev-
er see Santa Claus and you never see the
tooth fairy. They come in the middle of
the night when you're sleeping. So may-
be there's a hair man who's going to
come while you're sleeping and pull your
pajamas off and just drop it on you,

But eventually it came and we found
out how it was.

The $260

No, delicious. Because this connoisseur's recipe
is not made with just any vodka.
But rother, with Polonaise Polish Моско.
Ooops, we mean “Wodka”

$260? Ridiculous! Ж

Polonaise Wodka has an exquisite quality
that retoins its own personolity even when blended.

And what a blend.
Quite honestly, this recipe does go to extremes.

Start with a good quality food processor
or blender, which might well be expensive
like the other ingredients in this recipe.

First, off to Spain for four Andalusion tomatoes.
Purée until thick. Add a few whole green peppercorns
and a wisp of telicherry. Now, on to China for
Szechuon peppers. Coreful, all you'll need ore a few
slivers. Next, to Japan for Rakkyo onion juice.

Just a dash. Off to the West Indies for Tabasco
peppers, marinated in Spanish wine sherry. England
is next, for a few twists of coastal Malden salt. Then to
France, for a garnish of Perigordine truffle shovings.
Last stop, india, for a few strands of saffron.

Gently stir with a stick of scorzonera
ond top with a wedge of Keys lime.

And now, for the ingredient that makes oll this
effort worthwhile: two ounces of Polonaise Wodka.
Polonaise is the original vodka, created over
500 years ago by master distillers in Poland
And their recipe hasn't changed since then

Note: Should you be unable to obtain these
t des

anyone's Bloody Mary the best.
Ahhhhh, a crisp, fresh Polonaise Bloody Mary.

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HOW THE
PLAYBOY TOWERS
ACCOUNTS FOR ITS
SUCCESS.

Smart business travelers
who appreciate the excite-
ment and exclusivity of
Chicago's Gold Coast, have

made a success of Playboy

Towers. They know how to hold

down costs.

They dine with us at Les

Oeufs Restaurant and relax in The
Lobby Bar. For a meal or a snack

they know that the Supernosh Deli
is where it's at. They have us cater
their banquets and business meet-
ings. They shop at Playtique boutique,
and enjoy the Playbov Club itself
whenever they can
For more information on group rates
and benefits frorn our Corporate Account
system call 312/751-8100 Ext. 200. For
reservations, call toll free 800/621-1116. In
Illinois call toll free 800/972-6727.

Playboy Towers‏ الا

163 E. Walton, Chicago, Illinois 60611

BOB LIFTON THINKS YOU

GRAND MASTER TAPE.
ROY CICALA HAS HIS DOUBTS.

"Who wouldn't be knocked out by a tape
with specs like Grand Master?"

—Bob Lilton

Regent

Sound

Studios,

New York

We asked Bob Lifton and Roy
Cicala if home audio buffs
were ready for tape as sophis-
ticated as Grand Master.

They should know.
They're both nationally fa-
mous recording engineers
who've been using Grand
Master in the studio since
1973.

"Sure, they'll know Grand Master sounds
better. But not how
much betler,
unless they
actually
testit”
Roy Cicala
The Record

lant,
New York City

mean a lot to pros. But bow
many home systems are sen-
sitive enough to pinpoint the
improvement?

Noting the difference of
opinion, we asked other top
engineers.

Most agreed with Bob.
(Sorry, Коу.)

hey felt Grand Master's
sensitivity would yield a real-
cleaner sound.

So now we make 4 new
versions of Grand Master. Cas-
sette. 8-track. Open reel. And
a new Grand Master II high-
bias cassette.

And we think you're ready
for them. Even if Roy
isnt sure.

ready. Grand Maste
matic 4 to 8 dB imp:
in signal-to-noise ratio allows
aguy to hit the tape 3 to 6
dBs harder and still get better
distortion figures.”

Roy wasn't so sure. "Of
course, Grand Master's lower
distortion and higher output

GRAND MASTER BY AMPEX.
WE THINK YOU'RE READY FORIT.

Ampex Corporation, Magnetic Tape Division, 401 Broadway, Redwood City, California 94063, 415/367-3887

[7]

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A bottle of Midori Melon
Liqueur makes a fine gift. In fact,
it makes several fine gifts.

Because with one bottle of
Midori you can mix the most
interesting drinks of the year.
Drinks with the refreshing tang
of honeydew melon.

Drinks like the Meloncholy
Baby. The Honeydew Daiquiri.
The Midori Alexander. The
Melon Margarita.

Midori is lighter than most
liqueurs. That's why it’s so good
- in cocktails, or just on ice.

This season you'll

< find there's only one
N - thing that’s as nice as
giving Midori.
NM we Getting some.
Give Midori Melon Liqueur
46 proof, Imported by Suntory International, 612 S. Flower, Los Angeles, CA 90017.
Write us for our free recipe booklet, "Mix with Midori Melon Liqueur!"

сс
19

SATURDAY, February 17
11:00 am Ski Race
2:00 pm Silly Slalom
6:00 pm Torchlight Parade
7:00 pm Ski Patrol Silly Slalom

YOU DON'T EVEN
NEED TO BE

A HOTDOGGER
TO WIN.

February 17 and 18, Playboy
Resort and Country Club at

SUNDAY, February 18
11:15 am Ski Exhibition by
The Ski Patrol and

Lake Geneva, Wisconsinis go- Ski School
ing to be a winter wonderland. 1:00 pm Demonstration
Because on Saturday and Exhibition Team

Sunday we're having our

WINTER CARNIVAL

. with all these exciting activities
and our Playboy Skistakes

FIRST PRIZE (one awarded)

AMF, Head Division his and hers ski `
outfits, including parka, bib, turtle neck me 4 | Foe
sweater, pair of Head Skis, and bindings 4 [fà
by Tyrolia and Ski Boots by Raichle -
Suggested retail price: $1500.00

SECOND PRIZE
»

(five awarded)
pair of
Yahoo II

1:30 pm Free Style Contest
3:30 pm Pro-Am Challenge
Race

6:00 pm Torchlight Parade
Plus Clowns, a Costume Contest,
and a Winter Carnival Queen
Contest. And a chance to win
super Skistakes prizes!
For reservations and information:

In Illinois call 800/972-6727. i ‘the continental
USA (except Illinois) call 800/621-1116.

Resort ©?

^ РЁДҮВОҮс 7 Clubat

LAKE GENEVA Ө.

PLAYBOY'S “WINTER CARNIVAL
SKISTAKES" OFFICIAL RULES

No Purchase Necessary.

1. A special drawing will be conducted to

award all prizes o» February 18th. To enter,
fill out a form at Playboy's Winter Carnival
on February 17th, cr simply fill out a 3 x 5

postcard with your name, address, phone
number and send to:

SKISTAKES

Playboy Resort and Country Club at
Lake Geneva

Lake Geneva, Wisconsin 53147

ATTENTION: Ski Director

skis by AMF

Head Division

and a pair of AMF
Tyrolia 250 bindings.

Suggested retail price: $265.00 (each prize)

Entries must be received no later than
midnight, February 17, 1979. The drawing will
be held on the Ec of the Playboy Resort
апа Country Club in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin.
You need not be present to win.

‚ Random drawings are under the supervision
of an dependent judge, whose decisions
are

THIRD PRIZE AMF Whitely "Get Fit
(ten awarded) =, for Ski Package”
semi ree eair

Ф она diuo

LAM) exercise bicycle,

" Ш
- hand grips,
ankle weights,

З. Tax on prizes is the sole responsibility of the

winner.

A. Skistakes open to residents of the United
States who are 18 Jem of age or older.
Employees of Playboy, its agencies, alfiliates
and their respective families are not eligible.
Skistakes offer in the U.S, is subject to all
Federal, state and local laws and
regulations. Entry constitutes permission to
Playhoy for use of winner's name a:

photography, without any further

compensation to the winner.

E B. AMF reserves the right to discontinue or
change specifications or designs at any lime

= without incurring any obligations, and will

replace with a substitute of at least equal value.

Maing ALL the Ri

Tonight's the night to step out with the

movers and shakers. Where? On the Disco

floor at the Playboy Club of Chicago.
Show your stuff. Let yourself go. And
have the time of your life.
You can't help enjoying yourself
at the Playboy
Club. The setting
is chic. The lights
d) and sounds are
super. And the
vibes are just

The Disco is in
business every
night after nine.
Get there early,
and you'll have
plenty of time to
enjoy the fabu-
lous Living Room
Buffet. Or you
can enjoy a pre-
cance cocktail
in either the
Living Room or
the Playmate Bar.
There's no place like the Playboy Club

to get in step with the movers and shakers.

No place like the Playboy Club to play.

al The Playboy Club a] Chicaga

Moues

If it's fun you're
looking for, you'll
find it at Playboy.
Along with great
food and drink,
super entertain-
ment and lots of happy people.

Get in step with the Good Life Playboy-

O style. Come to the
Kee
first year, and the
Playboy Club ac-
cepts American Express, Carte Blanche,

Diners Club, Master Charge and
VISA/BankAmericard.

Y The Playboy Club
jg of Chicago

919 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
For reservations, call (312) 649-6687.

Playboy Club.
tonight.

Not a keyholder?
Make your move
today. The Customer
Serice Represen-
tative can issue you
a Key on the spot.
It's just $25 for the

PLAYBOY

Medalist : Allen-A

SKI SKINS

all yon feel is the Ww armth

It staying warm—and

comfortable—is the

name of the game,

your cholce has to be

Ski-Skins. They may

look the same as othars,

but there’s an Important

difference. Only Ski-Skins have

the Medalist АПеп-А Bi-Plye

construction...a unique two-layer knit with

special benefits. The outer layer is a blend of

50% Spectran* polyester and 50% Acrilan«

acrylic so it holds in the warmth; the inner

layer, a blend of 50% polyester and 50%

cotton, is soft and absorbent. Ski-Skins

won't bag or sag or bunch or shrink even

after countless wearings and washings. And

they're backed by the Wear-Dated^ War-

ranty. Men's and boys' in solid colors.

S,M,L,XL. Women's and girls’ in pastels and
prints. S,M,L.

Warranted for one full year's normal wear, refund or replacement when returned, postage prepaid, to Monsanto with tag and sales slip.

Herhands, her exquisite face, ү

her elegant style. ts

THIS IS JUST ONE OF THE MANY FINE WATCHES
FOR MEN AND WOMEN IN THE COMPLETE COLLECTION BY MOVADO.

The second time, you'll buy it for the beer.

INTENTS
1929.07.

\ It's only natural to want to buy Grolsch*
„| for the bottle. Its the original wire-top bottle
|, the Dutch have prized for over a hundred
|| years. Signed porcelain stopper and all.
A Ж 2 | Each one gives you two servings.
М7) Butthe second time you'll buy it for the

|) beer. In Holland, where brewing beer is
|| considered an art, many people have con-
| | sidered Grolsch a masterpiece. Since 1677,
f| the year we started brewing it.

Today, Grolsch is made with the same
dedication it was then. 100% naturally.
Aged for a minimum of three full months at
х precisely controlled low temperatures, to
r E preserve Grolsch's remarkably fresh taste.

And all it takes is one taste to know what
the Dutch have known for centuries. More
than our bottle sets us apart from other beers.

н = 2,6

A real masterpiece
Imported by Grolsch Importers, Ine., Port Chester. New York

is b from Holland.‏ ا

BEYOND 1984. г.г.»

*Without poets, philosophers or even smart political
observers, the cosmic question goes abegging."

т-д! craft. It will head out beyond
the orbit of Mars, turn tail and p
up with Tempel II in 1988. The two
will head together for the sun—and for
six months, we will listen in on their
conversation. The ion-drive craft may be
captured by the comet, or it nay wander
. It depends on the

off on a solo journe
courtship of gravity.

Then again, perhaps we can hurl these
robot devices in such a way as to track
the Tempel I comet on its entire cir
cumnavigation of our solar system. Play-
ing dead for а good part of the journey,
our sensing machines could be pro-
grammed to reactivate in what might be
called Project Lazarus. In the far mortu-

ry reaches of space, we could call them
so as Lo test the vision of Jupiter's
nt red eye, or shake the frost from
Pluto’s back porch,

Think then when these long-distance
ners return to speak in tongues late
the 21st Century to tell us of far attic
places where we as living flesh cannot
follow. Someday, yes, our flesh will land-
fall Pluto and beyond. But for now, our
riddle-solving electric children must roam
the vast meadows to graph the heart-
beat of Halley's cosmic beast.

What's holding up this grand cosmic
parade?

As in the past, cash in the bos
With a military budget sucking 129
illion dollars away from cities, a
from schools, away from hospitals, that
inevitably means away from space, time,
comets and our possible future survival.

Plus, we have been in a down cycle
from overexposure to moon landings,
astronauts and the thousands of hours
TV networks poured on us, ladling out
multitudinous facts but little insight. We
have had our feet and minds, as I have of-
ten observed, encased in Cronkite. With-
out poets, philosophers or even smart
political observers such as Eric Sevarcid,
the cosmic question goes abegging year
оп year.

Meanwhile, because we are so busy
building arms to sell to Arabs to scare
the Israelites and selling yet further
to scared Jews to rescare Saudi
and friends, we have no time to stand
and stare, We opt out of being philoso-
phers. To think would seem to be the
worst thing we might accuse ourselves of.
Yo think imaginatively is beyond con-
ment. Dreamers, we snort, stand aside!
Reality is the only tonic. Facts are the
only medicine. Yet we are full of facts,
we burst with data and are not made
well. Our spirit flags on the pole.
ап Halley's comet play doctor to our

souls? Can the ion-drive craft we build
lift our blood and make us truly care
about not just mere existence now but
futures yet unplumbed?

Why bothe voice from the
Icony. Who cares? What's all the fuss
and star feathers about?

Very simply: We march back to Olym.
pus.

How's that again?

Well, now, we Earth people are great
ones, aren't we, for picking ourselves up
by the scruff and heaving ourselves out of
the Garden or off the holy Mount? We
shake ourselves together some facts and
add them up to doom, don't we?

Consider: Two thousand years ago,
everything маз all right with man’s
universe. We inhabited a planet around
which the sun moved as if we were cen
‘The stars did the

tral to its existence.

same. We were God’s navel and everyone
found us good to look upon.

Then along came various theologians
and astronomers and, next thing we
know, we're evicted, both from Eden and
from Mount Olympus. We found our-
selves out in the rain with a bunch of
demoted Apollos, Aphrodites, Zeuses and

ans. It would take a few thousand
years before we got around to naming
some rockets for the lost gods.

Meanwhile, the astronomers told us
that we were not central to anything. We
were, in fact, inhabitants of а rather
smallish rabbit pellet whirling about a
minor sun in the subbasement of а gal-
axy that did not much care whether we
came or went, lived or died, suffered or
survived.

‘The knock on the head that this seem-
ing fact gave us unsettled our egos for
quite a few hundred years.

H Copernicus and Galileo and Kepler
told us these things, they must be righ
If Darwin added that we were merely a
bright chimpanzee wheeling a Maserati
à Pinto along time's highway, well,
then, why bother to get out of bed in the
morning?

“It's Harrison, from store security .. .
you know why I'm here. . . ."

I...Hthink

353

PLAYBOY

354

JACK NEW'TON DANIEL made whiskey.
in 1866 by a method called charcoal leaching.
We say charcoal mellowing today.

Whatever you call it, you start with hard maple
from the Tennessee uplands and burn it to char.
You grind this charcoal to the size of small
peas and tamp іс tight in vats. Then you trickle
whiskey down through the vats to mellow its
taste. Around 1945 we T

changed the name of this

method from leaching to CHARCOAL

mellowing. It seemed a GELO ED
n x b

better way of describing it. БӨР

But срасѕ che only parc ۵

of Mr. Jack's process that BY DROP

needed improving.

Tennessee Whiskey • 90 Proof • Distilled and Bottled by Jack Daniel Distillery
Lem Motlow, Prop., Inc., Lynchburg (Pop. 361), Tennessee 37352
Placed in the National Register of Historic Places by the United States Government.

But we have got out of bed. and we
have gone to the moon, and then we have
reached up and fingerprinted Mars, And
to those who look at data and Mars
is empty, there is no life there, wi

"Fhere is life on Mars, and it is us.
the Martians.

We give ourselves a gift of us.

We move into the universe, We name
ourselves, along with our rockets, after
old deities. We make ourselves central to
existence, knowing not how far we must
travel before we meet other mirrors of
God staring back into His vast g

For, you scc, while facts arc important,
interpretation of facts is the final builder
or destroyer of man and his dream. If we

аге.

choose to find ourselves minor, or of no
worth, the dust will burn and hide our
bones. Bur if we choose to step back into
the Garden, devour the apple, throw the
d survive For-
г out beyond the Coalsack nebulae,
the choice is ours. We will build Olympus
and put on our crowns once morc.

‘That is what our encounter with Hal-
lys comet is all about

So there you have it: 1986 coming on.
fast. Here comes our chance to reach up.
We would gently touch the passing face
of that cold creature, the looming fea-
tures of that strange matter and force on
is blind way round the cosmos. We
would do so with that puzzled, infinite
curiosity that is the beginning of love.

Do we miss this chance? Do we let time
and space churn by without hastening to
leap aboard? Do we keep our giant man-
made pterodactyl home and lock our best
dreams with it, in a box?

I think not. For some century soon, we
will be falling out there ourselves. Our
dear flesh will outpace that lovely comet.

Meanwhile, our lous machines
must go for us, do for us and come back
smoking a pipe filled with incredible
data, to tamp Mark Twain observations
in our ears to lean us toward survival.

If our mind flies now, our machines fly
later, and our souls fly to follow both in
?Ist Cent vation Armies of space.
And the higher we fly, the more 1984
will recede like a failed threat, ап evil
promise disconnected, a hell boarded
Jeath done in and buried by life.
will write a better book then. Its
title will be 986 and its hero will be the
Great White Comet and Huck Finn's
father’s kite will Jay itself out on the
solar winds to welcome it

As for the comet, it will arrive like
doom

But it will go back out around with
annunciations.

What will it announce?

Ourselves, of course, birthing ourselves
back into the lap of God,

Telling Him that soon, soon, oh, very
soon, we will drop in for a visit, ...

And stay for ten billion years.

aa"

E
ntum бад

356

PLAYBOY POTPOURRI

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toad-running adventure that World Athletic
Tours, 315 W. Gorham Street, Madison, Wis-
consin 53705, is offering for about $750 and up
this summer. Make no mistake, these junkets
aic for runners. You ua compete in au
Octoberfest Marathon or the London-to-
Brighton 52-miler. Meet you at the finish line.

DOGGY DON'T
The Romans had words for it: excrementum
Canis. But the stuff by any name is a problem
that's here to stay, and even stiff cleanup fines
haven't completely raised canine owners’
consciousness. If you'd like to post a reminder
to dog walkers not to leave their рсі deposits
behind, Creative Designs, 237 Washington
Street, Marblehead, Massachusetts 01945, is sell-
ing this 12” x 12” aluminum sign for $6.95,
postpaid. That's cheaper than buying a gun.

WE CAN SEE IT

CLEARLY NOW....
Some months ago, we featured
a pair of jeans that had trans-
parent-plastic hip pockets. Well,
buddy, you ain't seen nothing
yet. For the girl who has every-
thing—and wants to prove it—
La Parisienne, 416 West Eighth
Street, Los Angeles, California
90014, is selling see-through plas-
tic jeans for $35, postpaid, that
come in three revealing shades:
clear, red and the ever-popular
yellow. Waist sizes are from 26"
to 32" (if you're bigger than
that, your jeans should be
opaque) and lengths are all
extra-long for rolling or trim-
ming. To top the pants off,
La Parisienne also offers a clear-
plastic vest for $20, postpaid,
in small, medium and large sizes
(same shades). Of course, you
don't have to go bare under your
plastic threads to attract atten-
tion, but what the hell, When
you'vc got it, flaunt itl

TURNING INTO MR. HIDE
Everybody's got goodies to hide, either in his pad or on his
person. But most people don't think beyond the ball pocket in a
golf bag or the lining of a hat when selecting the spot they think
is perfect for squirreling away something valuable. If you'd like
to learn more about the art of hiding—really hiding—the things
you treasure most, send $5.95 to And/Or Press, Box 2246,
Berkeley, California 94702, for a softcover copy of The Stash
Book, by Peter Hjersman. Now, if we can only remember
where the hell we stashed that book. . .

IT’S ALL DOWNHILL
You can roll out the barrel, hot doggers,
and peel off two skis. Or you can send
$32.50 to Slat Skis, RBP Industries, 1900
Grantham Court, Louisville, Kentucky
40222, and get yourself a pair of the same
things equipped with inexpensive, quick-
release bindings that fit anything from
tennies to cowboy boots. These babies are
short (under three feet) and not for the
serious downhill racer. Pick a pair and
you'll end up king of the mountain,

YOU TELL ’EM, CHARLEY
Ever get the urge to complain about a
rude bus driver or the lack of service on
your last airplane flight, only to find that
you're so damn mad you can't write
straight? Then send $6.50 to
Grand Mal, Ltd., 444 East 86th Street,
New York, New York 10028, for a TELL-
"EMOFF kit: 16 different prewritten
complaint letters that take real-life sit-
uations to the absurd and have a good
time doing it. We feel better already.

SEXY STORY
The facts that homosexuality
was common to most Indian
groups and watermelons are bet-
ter to have sex with than
cantaloupes are just some of the
revelations you'll discover in
The American Way of Sex, by
Bradley Smith, an informal
illustrated history of how we've
been doing it ever since one
of Christopher Columbus’
sex-starved sailors reported that
“these people eat when they
are hungry and have sex openly
when they feel like it.” Sex is
available from Two Continents
Publishing, 30 E. 42nd Street,
New York, New York 10017,
for $19.95. It's hot stuff. —

LET THE LOWER
LIGHTS BE BURNING
"The Vigilite is a processor-based,

preprogramed light-control
unit that fits into a home wall
switch. You can use your
Vigilite as a normal switch, yet
at the press of a button, it
automatically takes over, turning
your ceiling lights (or what-
ever's wired to your wall switch)
on and ott in a random pat-
tern that simulates the typical
lighting usc in your choice of

five areas: bedroom, bathroom,
kitchen, living room and out-
side. Vigilites cost $39.95 each,
postpaid, from Hutec Corpora-
tion, 1050E East Duane,
Sunnyvale, California 94086.
And it’s a digital clock, too.

DATE WITH PINBALL
‘The 1979 Pinball Aficionados
Calendar is more than just a
yearful of day-to-day trivia ques-
tions and miscellaneous infor-
mation on the history of the
game. It also offers what, as far as
we know, is the first full-color
collection of some of the beau-
tiful and sensuous pinball
back-glass ladies, such as Pinky
"Tuscadero from Bally's current
game Eight Ball and the sexy
waitress who you may remember
appeared on its 1977 game Night
Rider. To order the calendar
(which measures 15” x 22” when
open), send $10 to The "A"
Team, P.O. Box 2176, Union,
New Jersey 07083. Just don’t
hang it next to your own game if
you want to stay a pinball wizard.

357

THE SOCIABLE SOUR:
TART, TASTY, AND FILLED
2 WITH MEMORIES OF
" GOOD TIMES WITH GOOD FRIENDS.
X E / ps — ы. ("PET

S 1 кы

fut UBLEINÎ S

= P m

Ue e
v و‎ s HK

М WHISKEY SOUR =

E TRY IT...ALL THE LIQUORS IN IT. THE НЕО LEIN N NW 'HISKEY SOUR.

FOUNTAINS DIF IDATQAJOISIE

(continued from page 230)

“The dream could become reality . . . and the econom-
ics of space transportation would be transformed.”

asteroids, we see the beginnings of
tue interplanetary commerce. Though
it took a little longer than the optimists
predicted, it is now obvious that the
conquest of the air was, indeed, a modest.
prelude to the conquest of space. . . -

"But now we are faced with a funda-
mental problem—an obstacle that stands
in the way of all future progress. Al-
though generations of research have
made the rocket the most reliable form
of propulsion ever invented

("Has he considered bicycles?” mut-
tered Sarath.)

“Space vehicles are still grossly ineffi-
cient. Even worse, their effect on the
environment is appalling, Despite all
attempts to control approach corridors,
the noise of takeoff and reentry dis-
turbs millions of people.

Yet if we project traffic growth to the
end of the century, we find that Earth-
toorbit tonnage must be increased al-
most fifty percent. This cannot be
achieved without intolerable costs to
our way of life.

“What is the alternative? For cen-
turies, men have dreamed of antigravity
or of ‘space drives.’ No one has ever
found the slightest hint that such things
е possible; today we believe that they
are only fanta:

“And yet, in the very decade that the
first satellite was launched, one daring
Russian engineer conceived a system
that would make the rocket obsolete, It
was years before anyone took Yuri
Artsutanoy seriously. It has taken two
centuries for our technology to match
his vision.

“Go out of doors any clear night and
you will see that commonplace wonder
of our age—the stars that never rise nor
set but are fixed motionless in the sk:
We—and our parents, and their par-
ents—have long taken for granted the
synchronous satellites and space stations,
move above the equator at the
same speed as the turning Earth, and so
g forever above the same spot.

The question Artsutanoy asked him-
self had the childlike brilliance of true
genius. A merely clever man could never
€ thought of it—or would have dis-
missed it instantly as absur

“If the laws of celestial mechanics
make it possible for an object to stay
fixed in the sky, might it not be possible
to lower a cable down to the surface—
and so to establish an elevator system
linking Earth to space?

"There was nothing wrong with the
theory, but the practical problems were
enormous. Calculations showed that no

existing materials would’ be
enough; the finest steel would эп
der йз own weight long before i
span the thirtysix thousand kilometers
between Earth and synchronous orbit,

“However, even the best steels were
nowhere near the theoretical limits of
strength. On a microscopic scale, mate-
rials had been created in the laboratory
with far greater breaking strength. If
they could be mass-produced, Artsuta-
nov's dream could become reality...
and the economics of space transporta-
tion would be utterly transformed.

“Before the end of the Twentieth Cen-
tury, superstrength materials—hyperfila-
ments—had begun to emerge from the
laboratory. But they were extremely
pensive, costing many times their weight
in gold. Millions of tons would be
needed to build a system that could
carry all Farth's outbound traffic; so the
dream remained a dream.

"Until a few months ago. Now the
deepspace factories can manufacture

strong

virtually unlimited quantities of hyper-
filament. At last we can build the Space
Elevator—or the Orbital Tower, as 1
prefer to call it. For, in a sense, it is a
tower, rising clear through the atmos-
and far, far beyond. .. ."

gan faded ош, like a ghost that
had been suddenly exorcised. He was
replaced by a football-sized Earth, slow-
ly revolving. Moving an arm's breadth
above it, and keeping always poised
above the same spot on the equator, a
flashing star marked the location of a
synchronous satellite.

From the star, two thin lines of light
started to extend—one directly down to-
ward the Earth, the other in exactly the
opposite direction, out into space. . . .
When you build a bridge," contin-
ued Morgan's disembodied voice, “you
start [rom the two ends and meet at the
middle. With the Orbital Tower, it’s the
other way around. You have to build
upward and downward simultancously
from the synchronous satellite, accord-
ing to a careful program—so the whole
structure is always balanced in orbit.

[he total height must be at least
forty thousand kilometers—but the low-
est hundred, going down through the
atmosphere, may be the most critical
part, for then the tower may be subject
to hurricanes. It won't be stable until

“Naughty girl! ... Have you been peeking?”

359

PLAYBOY

360

it's securely anchored to the ground.
And then, for the first time in his-
tory, we will have a stairway to heav-
cn—a bridge to the stam. А simple
elevator system, driven by cheap elec-
tricity, will replace the noisy and expen-
sive rocket. This is one possible design.
The image of the turning Earth
vanished as the camera swooped toward
the tower and passed through the walls
to reveal the structure's cross section.
“You'll see that it consists of four
identical tubes," continued Morgan's
voice, “two for up traffic, two for down,
so that all services are duplicated. Think
of it as a four-track vertical subway, from
Earth to synchronous orbit—and beyond.
“And there’s virtually no limit to the

trafic it could handle, for additional

tubes could be added as desired. If the
time ever comes when a million people
a day wish to visit Earth—or to leave
it—the Orbital Tower could cope with
them. After all, the subways of our great
ies once did as much-
Rajasinghe touched a button, silenc-
ing Morgan in midsentence, “The rest is
rather technical—he goes on to explain
how the tower can act as a cosmic sling
and send pay loads whipping off to the
Moon and planets without the use of
any rocket power at all. But I think
you've seen enough to get the idea.”

“My mind is suitably boggled,” said
Professor Sarath. “But what on Earth—
or off it—has all this to do with me? Or
lh you, for that matter

“Perhaps I may усі forgive you, this
could be one of the stories of the dec-
ade—or the century. But why the hur-
Ty—not to mention the secrecy?

"There's a lot going on that I don't
understand, which is where you can help
me. I suspect that Morgan's fighting a
battle on several fronts; he's planning
an announcement in the yery near fu-
ture but doesn’t want to act until he's
quite sure of his ground, He gaye me
that presentation on the understanding
that it wouldn't be sent over public cir-
cuits. Thats why I had to ask you here.
‘Does he know about this meeting?

“OF course; indeed, he was quite hap-
py when I said 1 wanted to talk to you,
Maxine. Obviously, he trusts you and
would like you as an ally. And as for
you, Paul, I assured him that you could
keep a secret for up to six days without
apoplexy.”

"Only if there's a very good reason
for it.”

“L begin to see light,” said Maxine
Duval “Several things have been puz-
ding me, and now they're starting to
make sense. First of all, this is a space
project; Morgan is chief engineer, land.”

"So?"

“You should ask, Johan! Think of the
bureaucratic infighting, when the rocket
designers and the aerospace industry get
to hear about this! Trillion-dollar em-
pires will be at stake, just to start with.
If he's not very careful, Morgan will be
told, ‘Thank you very much—now we'll
over. Nice knowing уои"

“1 can appreciate that, but he has a

“The lady at the employment office said the
only prerequisite was the ability to fly.”

very good case. After all, the Orbital
"Tower is a building—not a vehicle.”

Not when the lawyers get hold of
it won't be. There aren't ny
ings whose upper floors are mo
three kilometers a second, or whatever it
is, faster than the basement."

You may have a point. Incidentally,
when I showed signs of vertigo at the
idea of a tower going a good part of the
way to the Moon, Dr. Morgan said,
‘Then don't think of it as a tower going
up—think of it as a bridge going out.”
I'm still trying, without much success.

Morgan's come up against an obsta-
de he doesn't know how to handle. He
discovered it only a few days ago, and
it’s stopped him dead in his trac

Let me go on guessing,” said Ma
“It's good practice—helps me keep ahead
of the pack. I can see why he's here. The
Earth end of the system has to be on
the equator; otherwise, it can't be vert
cal. It would be like that tower they
used to have in Pisa, before it fell over.”

“I don't see . . ." said Professor Sarath,
waving his arms vaguely up and down.
"Oh, of course. . . ." His voice trailed
away into a thoughtful silence
Now," continued. Maxine,
only a limited number of possible sites
on the cquator—it's mostly ocean
i?—and Taprobane’s obviously one of
them. Though I don't see what particu-
Jar advantages it has over Africa or
South America. Or is Morgan covering
all his bets?”

s usual, my dear Maxine, your pow-
ers of deduction are phenomenal.
Though Morgan's done his best to cx-
plain the problem to me, 1 don’t pre-
tend to understand the scientific details.
turns out that Africa and
са are nol suitable for the
Space Elevator. It's something to do with
unstable points in the Earth's gravita-
tional field. Only Taprobane will do—
worse still, only one spot in Taprobane.
And that, Paul, is where you come into
the picture.”

“Mamada?” yelped Professor Sarath,
ndignanily reverting to Taprobani in
his surprise.

“Yes, you. To his great annoyance,
Dr. Morgan has just discovered that the
one site he must have is already occu-
picd—to put it mildly. He wants my
advice on dislodging your friend Buddy

Now it was Maxine's turn to be baffled.

"Who?" she queried. ath answered.
at once.
The Venerable Anandatissa Bodhi-
arma Malianayake Thero, incumbent
of the Sri Kanda temple,” he intoned,
almost as if chanting a litany. “So that's
what it's all about.”

There was silence for a moment; then
a look of pure mischievous delight ap-
peared on the face of Paul Sarath, emer
itus professor of archacology of the
University of Taprobane

“I've always wanted,” he said dreamily,

xine.

here are

on
(ude

STEREO

NOW, BEHIND THE BODY
ARE BRAINS.

The Audiovox DGC-20 is the car stereo with a built-in computer. And some amazing
capabilities. :

It knows things.

A tiny micro-processor chip inside the DGC-20 has all the information fo give you totally
electronic tuning. And whether you choose to tune manually or automatically, the know-it-all
chip stops and locks onto a station to virtually eliminate annoying drift.

It shows things.

Digital read-out displays the exact AM/FM when switched to mode 1. Also the exact AM/PM
when switched to mode 2.

It remembers.
Memory pushbuttons can keep 12 stations “in mind." Even if you forget which station handles
Handel or where Waylon wails, the DGC-20 remembers.

It understands.
How to search out and stop at the next available station. Automatic Seek does it.

And then, the Audiovox DGC-20 has some capabilities that are not amazing. Just
important. Like a local/distant switch. And a mono/stereo switch. And outputs for 4 speakers
and individual left-to-right and front-to-rear balancing controls. And a locking fast-forward
and rewind on the stereo cassette player.

If you want to find out about the latest advances in car stereo, stop by your Audiovox
dealer and testlisten the DGC-20. The car stereo that's so sophisticated, it thinks before it speaks.

GI
We build stereo for the road. We have fo build it better

* The DGC-20 electron tuning AM/FM/MPX radio with stereo cassette ond quartz clock.

PLAYBOY

^to know exactly what would happen
when an irresistible force met am im-
movable object.”

SHADOW AT DAWN

Morgan had left his hotel in Rana-
pura at four A.M. on a clear, moonless
night. He was not too happy about the
choice of time, but Professor Sarath,
who had made all the arrangements,
had promised him that it would be well
worth while. “You won't understand
anything about Sri Kanda,” he had said,
unless you have watched the dawn
from the summi;

Sri Kanda itself was still completely
invisible in a darkness that as yet bore
no hint of the approaching dawn. Its
presence was revealed by a thin ribbon
of light, zigzapging back and forth under
the stars, hanging as if by magic in the
sky. Morgan knew that he was merely
seeing the lamps set 200 years ago to
guide pilgrims as they ascended the
longest stairway in the world, but in its
defiance of logic and gravity, it ap-
peared almost a prevision of his own
dream. Ages before he born, in-
spired by philosophies he could barely
magine, men had begun the work he
hoped to finish. They had, quite liter-
ally, built the first crude steps on a road
to the stats.

No longer feeling drowsy, Morgan
watched as the band of light grew closer
and resolved itself into a necklace of
innumerable twinkling beads. Now the
mountain was becoming visible, as a
black triangle eclipsing half the sky.
‘There was somethi ister about
lent, brooding presence; Morgan could
almost imagine that it was, indeed, the
abode of gods who knew of
sion and were gathering the
against him.

These ominous thoughts were entirely

forgotten when they arrived at the cable-
car terminus and Morgan discovered to
his surprise—it was still only five A.M.—
that at least 100 people were milling
around in the little waiting room. He
purchased his ticket, did a quick calcu-
lation and estimated that he would be
in the third or fourth load of passengers.
He was glad that he had taken Sarath’
advice and slipped a thermocloak into
his pocket; at a mere two-kilometer ali
tude, it was already quite cold. At the
summit, three kilometers higher still, it
must be freezing.
At last, Morgan got a seat in the car,
nd with a considerable creaking of ca-
bles, they werc on their way. Once again,
he felt that ceric sense of anticipation.
The elevator he was planning would
ist loads more than 10,000 times as
is primitive system, which
probably dated right back to the 20th
Century. And vet, when all was said and
done, its basic principles were very much
the same.

mis-
strength

362 Outside the swaying car was total

darkness, except when a section of the
illuminated stairway came into view. It
was completely deserted, as if the count-
les millions who had toiled up the
mountain during the past 3000 ycars
had left no successor. But then Morgan
realized that those making the ascent on
foot would already be far above on thei
appointment with the dawn; they would
have left the lower slopes of the moun-
tain hours ago.

As they began the final ascent, there
came the first intimation of the ap-
proaching day. The castern stars still
shone with undiminished glory—Venus
most brilliantly of all—but a few thin,
high clouds began to glow faintly with
the coming dawn. Morgan looked anx-
jously at his watch and wondered if he
would be in time. He was relieved to see
that daybreak was still 30 minutes away.

One of the passengers suddenly point
ed to the immense stairway, sections of
which were occasionally visible beneath
them as it zigzagged back and forth up
the mountains now rapidly steepening
slopes. It was no longer deserted: moving
with dreamlike slowness, dozens of men
and women were toiling painfully up the
endless steps. Every minute, more and
more came into view; how long, Morgan
wondered, had they been climbing?

A moment later, he saw the first
monk—a tall. saffronrobed figure mov-
ing with a gait of metronomelike regu-
rity, looking neither to the right nor to
the left, and completely ignoring the car
floating above his head. He also ap-

able of ignoring the elements,
‘ight arm and shoulder were bare
to the freezing wind,

The cable car way slowing down as it
approached the terminus: presently, it
made a brief halt, disgorged its numbed
passengers and set off again on its long
descent. Morgan joined the crowd of 200
or 300 people huddling in a small amphi-
theater cut in the western face of the
mountain. They were all staring out into
the darkness, though there was nothing
to see but the ribbon of light winding
down into the abyss.

Morgan looked again at his watch; ten
minutes to go. He had never been among
so many silent people; camera-toting
tourists and devout pilgrims were united
now in the same hope. The weather was
ect; soon they would know if they
had made this journey in vain.

There came a delicate tinkling of bells
from the temple, still invisible in the
darkness 100 meters above their heads;
and at the same instant, all the lights
along that unbelievable stairway were
extinguished.

Now they could see, both to the north
md to the south, that the first faint
gleam of day lay on the clouds far belo
but directly to the west, the dawn was
still held back by the immense bulk of
the mountain.

Second by second, the light

grow-

ing on either side of Sri Kanda, as the
sun outflanked the last strongholds of the
night. Then there came a low murmur
of awe from the patiently waiting crowd.

One moment there was nothing, Then
it was there, stretching half the width of
Taprobane—a perfectly | symmetrical,
sharp-edged triangle of deepest blue. The
mountain had not forgotten its worship-
ers; there lay its famous shadow across
the sca of clouds, 2 symbol for each p
grim to interpret as he pleased.

It seemed almost solid im is recti-
linear perfection, like some overturned
pyramid rather than a mere phantom of
light and shade. As the brightness grew
around it, and the first direct rays of the
sun struck past the Hanks of the moun-
tain, it appeared by contrast to grow
even darker and denser; yet through the
thin veil of clouds responsible for its
brief existence, Morgan could dimly dis-
cern the lakes and hills and forests of the
awakening land.

The apex of that misty triangle must
be racing toward him at enormous speed,
as the sun rose vertically behind the
mountain, yet Morgan was conscious of
no movement. Time seemed to have been
suspended; this was one of the rare mo
ments of his ‘life when he gave no
thought to the passing minutes. The
shadow of eternity lay upon his soul. a
did that of the mountain upon
cloud:

Now it was fading swiftly, the dark-
ness draining from the sky like a stain
dispersing in water. The ghostly, glim-
mering landscape below was hardening
into reality; hallway to the horizon, there
was an explosion of light as the sun's rays
struck upon some building's castern win-
dows. And even beyond that—unless
eyes had tricked him—Morgan could
make out the faint, dark band of the
encircling s

Another day had come to Taprobane.

Morgan continued upward, followed
by many curious glances, along the short
flight of steps that led to the monastery
and to the very summit of the mountain.
By the time he had reached the smooth-
ly plastered outer wall—now beginning
to glow softly in the first direct rays of
the sun—he was very short of breath and
was glad to lean for a moment against
the massive wooden door.

Someone must have been watching:
before he could find a bell push or sig-
nal his presence in any way, the door
swung silently open and he was wel-
comed by a yellow-robed monk, who sa-
luted him with clasped hands.

‘Ayu bowan, Dr. Morgan. The Maha-
nayake Thero will be glad to see you."

the

BODHIDHARMA

As the massive door, carved with intri-
cate lotus patterns, clicked softly shut
behind him, Morgan felt that he had
entered another world. This was by no
means the first time he had been on

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ground once sacred to some great reli-
gion; he had scen Notre Dame, Saint
Sophia, Stonehenge, the Parthenon, Kar-
nak, Saint Paul's, and at least a dozen
other major temples and mosques. But
he had viewed them all as frozen relics
of the past—splendid examples of art or
engincering, but with no relevance to the
modern mind. The faiths that had creat-
ed and sustained them had all passed
into oblivion, though some had survived
until well into the 22nd Century.

But here, it seemed, time had stood
still. The hurricanes of history had blown
past this lonely citadel of faith, leaving
it unshaken, As they had done for 3000
years, the monks still prayed, and medi-
tated, and watched the dawn.

During his walk across the worn flag-
stones of the courtyard, polished smooth.
by the fect of innumerable pilgrims, Mor.
gan experienced a sudden and wholly
uncharacteristic indecision. In the name
of progress. he was attempting to destroy
something ancient and noble, something
that he would never fully understand.

They were walking past a huge boul-
der, up which a short flight of steps
led to a gilded pavilion. This, Morgan
realized, was the summit of the mountain,

He was led along a short cloister that
ended at an open door, The monk
knocked but did not wait for any re-
sponse as he waved the visitor to enter.

Morgan had half expected to find the
Muhanayake Thero sitting cross legged
on a mat, probably surrounded by in-
cense and chanting acolytes. There was,
indeed, just a hint of incense in the chill
air, but the Chief Incumbent of the Sri
Kanda vihara sat behind a perfectly ordi-
тагу office desk, equipped with standard
nd memory units. The only un-
item in the room was the kuge
head of the Buddha on a plinth in one
corner. Morgan could not tell whether it
was real or merely a projection

Despite his conventional setting, there
was little likelihood that the head of the
monastery would be mistaken for any
other type of executive. Quite apart
from the inevitable yellow robe, the
Mahanayake Thero had two other char-
acteristics that, in this age, were very
rare, indeed. He was completely bald;
and he was wearing spectacles.

Both, Morgan assumed, were by delib-
te choice. Since baldness could be so
ily cured, that shining ivory dome
must have been shaved or depilated. And
he could not remember when he had last
seen spectacles, except in historical re-
cordings or dramas.

The combination cinating, and
disconcerting. Morgan found it virtually
impossible to guess the Mabanayake

Thero’s age; it could be anything from a
mature 40 to a well-preserved 80. And
those lenses, transparent though they
were. somehow concealed the thoughts
and emotions behind them.

“Ayu bowan, Dr. Morgan," said the

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368

the level of critical wind forces. High-
altitude jet streams are no problem, due
to the design of the structure. But at
ground-terminus level.
‘True, there are not many hurricanes
exactly on the equator. But there are
enough to endanger the structure, at its
very weakest point.”

“We can control the

It was the first contribution the young
secretary had made to the discussion, and.
Morgan looked at him with interest,

To some extent, yes, Naturally, I have
discussed this point with Monsoon Con-
trol. They say that absolute certainty is
out of the question —especially with hur-
ricanes. The best odds they will give me
are fifty to one. That's not good enough
for a trillion-dollar project."

The Venerable Parakarma seemed in-
clined to argue. “There is an almost
forgotten branch of mathematics called
Catastrophe Theory, which could make
meicorology a really precise science. I
am confident that

“L should explain,” the Mahanayake
Thero interjected blandly, “that my col-
league was once rather celebrated for 1
astionomical work. I imagine you have
heard of Dr. Choam Goldberg.”

Morgan felt that a trap door had been
suddenly opened beneath him, He
should have been warned! Then he re-

called that Professor Sar
told him, with a twinkle in his eye, that
he should "watch out for Buddy's private
secretary—he's a very smart character.”

Morgan wondered if his checks were
buming, as the Venerable Parakarma,
alias Dr. Choam Goldberg, looked back
at him with a distinctly unfriendly ex-
pression, So he had been trying to
explain orbital ics to these inno-
cent monks; the Mahanayake Thero had
probably received much better briefing
on the subject than he had done.

ath had, indeed,

PARAKARMA
As he quickly checked back on his con-
versation, Morgan decided that he had

not made a fool of himself. Indeed, the
Mahanayake Thero might have lost a
tactical advantage by revealing the iden-
tity of the Venerable Parakarma. Yet it
was mo particular secret; perhaps he
thought that Morgan already knew.

“I thought you might like a souvenir
said the Mahanayake

of Y
Thero.

As Morgan accepted the proffered
sheet, he was surprised to see that it was
archival-quality parchment, not the usual
flimsy paper, destined to be thrown away
after a few hours of use. He could not
read a single word; except for an unob-
wusive alphanumeric reference in the

“Take my word for it, son. All уои’ ever get out of
эрэ

them is ‘Not tonight —I've got a headachz'!

bottom-lcft-hand corner, it was all in the
flowery curlicues that he could now rec
ognize as Taprobani script.

“Thank vou," he said, with as mı
irony as he could muster. “What is it
He had a very good idea; legal docu-
ments had a close family resemblance,
whatever their Linguages—or eras.

“А copy of the agreement between
King Ravindra and the Maha Sangha,
dated Vesak 854 a.p. of your calendar. It
defines the ownership of the temple
land—in perpetuity. The rights set out
in this document were even recognized
by the invaders.”

“By the Caledonians and the Holland-
ers, I believe. But nof by the Iberians.

If the Mahana Thero was sui
prised by the thoroughness of Morgan's
briefing. not even the twitch of ап eye-
brow betrayed the fact.

"hey were hardly respecters of law

particularly where other rcli-
gions were concerned. I trust that thei
philosophy of might equals right does
not appeal to you.”
Morgan gave а somewhat forced smile.
t certainly does not,” he answered.
But where did one draw the line? he
asked himself silently. When the over-
whelming interests of gri
were at stake, conventional
often took second place. The best leg
minds on Earth, human and electronic,
would soon be focused upon this spot.
1E they could not find the right answers,
а very unple ation might devel-
op—one th ke him a villain,
hero.

'Sincc you have raised the subject of
the 854 agreement, let me remind уо
that it refers only to the land inside the
temple boundaries —which are clearly de-
fined Б H

"Correct, But they enclose the entire
summit,”

You have no control over the ground
outside this area,”

“We have the rights of any owner of
property. If the neighbors create a nu
sance, we have legal redress. This is not
the first time the point has been raised.

“1 know. In connection with the са
car system.”

А faint smile played over the Mah:
yake Thero’s lips. "You have done your
ho " he commended. “Yes, we op-
posed it vigorously, for a number of rea-
sons—though 1 admit that now it is here,
we have often been very thankful for
He paused thoughtfully, then added,
"here e problems, but we
have been able to coexist. Casual sight-
seers and tourists are content to stay on
the lookout platform; genuine. pilgrims,
of course, we are always happy to wel-
come at the summit,

“Then perhaps some accommodation
could be worked out in this case. A few
hundred meters of altitude would make

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no difference to us. We could leave the
summit untouched and carve out another
plateau, like the cable-car terminu:

Morgan felt distinctly uncomfortable
under the prolonged scrutiny of the two
monks. He had little doubt that they
recognized the absurdity of the sugges-
tion, but he had to make it.

“You have a most peculiar sense of
humor, Dr. Morgan,” the Маһапауа-
ke Thero replied at last. “What would be
left of the spirit of the mountain—of the
solitude we have sought for three thou-
sand years—if this monstrous device were
erected herc? Do you expect us to be-
tray the faith of all the millions who have
come to this sacred spot, often at the cost
of their health—even their lives?"

"D sympathize with your feelings.”
Morgan answered. (But was he lying? he
wondered.) “We would, of course, do our
best to minimize any disturbance. All the
support facilities will be buried inside
the mountain, Only the elevator would
emerge, and from any distance it would
be invisible, The gencral aspect of the
mountain would be unchanged. Even
your famous shadow, which I have just
adinired, would be virtually unaffected

The Mahanayake Thero turned to his
colleague as if seeking confirmation. The
Venerable Parakarma looked straight at
Morgan and said, “What about noise

Damn. Morgan thought; my weakest
point. The pay loads would emerge from
the mountain at several hundred kilome-
ters an hour—the more velocity they
could be given by the ground-based sys-
tem, the less the strain on the suspended
tower. Of course, passengers couldn't
take more than half a g or so, but the
capsules would still pop out at a sub-
ial fraction of the speed of sound.
‘There will be some aerodynamic
noise,” Morgan admitted. “But nothing
like that near a large airpor

“Very reassuring,” said the Mahana-
yake Thero. Morgan was certain that he
was being sarcastic yet could detect no
trace of irony in his voice, He was cither
displaying an Olympian calm or testing
his visitor's reactions. The younger
monk, on the other hand, made no at-
tempt to conceal his anger.

“For years.” he said with indignation,
“we have been protesting the disturbance
caused by re-entering spacecraft, Now
you want to generate shock waves їп...
in our back garden

“Our operations will not be transonic,
at this altitude,” Morgan replied firmly.
“And the tower structure will absorb
most of the sound спеву. In fact,” he
added, trying to press what he had sud-
denly scen as an advantage, “in the long
run, we'll help climinate re-entry booms.
The mountain will actually be quieter.”

"I understand. Instead of occasional
concussions, we will have a steady roar.”

I'm not getting anywhere with this
character, thought Morgan; and I'd ex-
pected the Mahanayake Thero to be the

biggest obstacle. .
Sometimes, it was best to change the
subject entirely. He decided to dip one
cautious toe into the quaking quagmire
of theology.
"е there something appropriate,”
1 earnestly, “in what we are trying
to do? Our purposes may be different,
but the net results have much in com-
mon. What we hope to build is only an
extension of your stairway. We're con-
tinuing it—all the way to heaven."

For a moment, the Venerable Para-
karma scemed taken aback at such ef-
frontery. Before he could recover, his
superior answered smoothly: “An inter-
esting concept—but our philosophy does
not believe in heaven. Such salvation as
may exist can be found only in this
world, and I sometimes wonder at your
anxiety to leave it.

“May I ask how successful you were
with the Department of Parks and
Forests?"

“They were extremely coopera

“I am not surprised; they are chron-
ically underbudgeted, and any new
source of revenue would be welcome.

The cable system was a financial wind-
fall, and doubtless they hope your
project will be an even bigger one.”

“They will be right. And they have
accepted the fact that it won't create any
environmental hazards.”

“Suppose it falls down?”

Morgan looked the venerable monk
straight in the eye. “It won't," he said,
with authority.

But he knew, and the implacable
Parakarma must also know, that certain-
ty was impossible in such matters.

Morgan had few nightmares, but that
was one of them. Even at this moment,
the computers at Terran Construction
were trying to exorcise it.

But all the power in the universe
could provide no protection against the
problems he had not foreseen—the
nightmares still unborn.

THE GOLDEN BUTTERFLIES

Despite the brilliant sunlight and the
magnificent views that assailed him on
every side, Morgan was fast asleep before
the car had descended into the lowlands.
Even the innumerable hairpin bends

“I feel that I must warn you,
counselor, that you are perilously close
to acontempt-of-court citation."

369

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failed to keep him awake—but he was
suddenly snapped back into conscious-
ness when the brakes were slammed on
and he w: st his
belt,

For a moment of utter confusion, he
thought that he must still be dreaming.
The breeze blowing gently through the
half-open windows was so warm and hu-
mid that it might have escaped from a
t the car had apparently
n a blinding snowstorm.

Morgan blinked, screwed up his eyes
and opened them to reality. This was the
first time he had secn golden snow.

A dense swarm of butterflies was cross-
ing the road, headed due east in a steady,
purposeful migration, Some had been
sucked into the car and fluttered around
frantically until Morgan waved them out;
many more had plastered themselves on
the windscreen. With what were doubt-
less a few choice Taprobani expletives,
the driver emerged and wiped the glass
clear; by the time he had finished, the
swarm had thinned out to a handful of
isolated stragglers.

“Did they tell you about the legen:
he asked, glancing back at his passenger

“No,” id Mor curtly. Не
not at all interested, being anxious to re-
sume his interrupted nap.

“The Golden Butterflies—they're the
souls of K. "s warriors, the army he
lost at Yakkagal:

Morgan gave an unenthusiastic grunt.
river would get the
ued remorselessly.
r, around this time, they
head for the mountain, and they all die
оп its lower slopes. Sometimes you'll
mect them halfway up the cable ride,
but that's the highest they get. Which
is lucky for the vihara.”

“The vihara?" asked Morgan sleepil
‘The temple, If they ever reach it,
alidasa will have conquered, and the
bhikkus—the monks—will haye to leave.
Thats the prophecy—it's carved on a
stone slab in the Ranapura Museum. 1
can show it to you.”

ome other tim id Morgan hasti-
ly, as he settled back into the paddcd
scat. But it was many kilometers before
he could doze off in, for there was
something haunting about the image that
the driver had conjured up.

He would remember it often in the
months ahead—when waking and in mo-
ments of stress or crisis, Once again, he
would be immersed in that golden snow-
storm, as the doomed millions spent their
cnergics in alt upon the
mountain and bolized. Even
at the beginning of his campaign,
nage was too close for comfort.

pitched forward ag

The conclusion of this excerpt from
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PLAYBOY

372

CHEERS (continued from page 308)

“Dim the lights before igniting the Northern Lights
punch and you'll have a mini aurora borealis.”

Pour framboise, lime juice, sugar and
bar foam into cocktail shaker with ice.
Shake about double the usual time for
proper dilution. Pour into prechilled
whiskey-sour glass. Garnish with cocktail
orange and raspberry.

June 1970
‘TAMARIND COOLER

14 оғ. light bodied rum
16 oz. 151-proof rum

4 ozs. chilled tamarind nectar
2 os. chilled mango nectar

1 oz. chilled fresh orange juice
1 oz. chilled pineapple juice

1 slice lemon

2 large sprigs mint

Nectars such as tamarind, mango,
guava and guanábana are available in
specialty food shops or in shops featur-
ing Puerto Rican specialties.

Pour all ingredients except lemon
slice and mint into tall H-oz. glass with
four or five ice cubes, Stir well. Add
Jemon nd mint,

December 1970
IRISH APPLE BOWL
(Serves 24)
20 ozs. Irish whiskey
20 ozs. applejack

“You act like you've never seen.

a flying fish before!”

2 large red Delicious apples

2 large bottles plus 1 pint ginger ale

All ingredients, including spirits,
should be prechilled. Apples should be
cored but not peeled and cut into 14-in.
dice. Pour whiskey, applejack and lime
juice over block of ice in punch bowl.
‘Add lime slices and apples; stir well. Rip-
en mixture in refrigerator 1 hour. Pour
ginger ale into bowl; stir lightly.

May 1972
GINGER BALL
This has the zip of ginger without the
sweetness of ginger ale.
2 ozs. hourbon
ized slice fresh ginger root

1 nick
Club soda, chilled
Pour bourbon over ice cubes in 8.07.
glas. Squeeze ginger root into glass,
using scrubbed garlic press. Scrape bot-
tom of press if ginger clings. Stir. Add
soda; stir once.

December 1973
NORTHERN LIGHTS
(Serves 20)
(Dim the lights before igniting the
punch and you'll have a mini aurora

34 cup sugar

] cup water

3-in. cinnamon stick

1 bottle (fifth) port wine

1 bottle (fifth) full-bodied California

red table wine

4 ozs. 151-proof Puerto Rican rum

Remove zest (outer rind) in spiral from
orange and lemon and place in large
enamel pan. Add sugar, water and cinna-
mon stick and bring to boil. Add wines
and heat just to simmer. Taste for sweet-
ness and add more sugar, if necessary.
ır hot wine into /2quart punch
bowl Warm rum by pouring into pre-
hcated measuring cup. Float rum on sur-
face of punch by pouring slowly over
back of large spoon. Ignite with long-
stammed match, then stand back and
admire leaping blue lights. Ladle flam-
ing punch into small punch cups.

June 1974
HURRICANE

114 ozs. light rum

1 oz. applejack or calvados

1 oz. triple sec

4 ozs. guayaba (guava) nectar

1 oz. lime juice

Cherry, Y4 orange slice and length of

sugar cane for garnish

Vigorously shake all ingredients ex-
cept garnishes with cracked icc. Strain
over fresh ice cubes in tall glass. Garnish

m
re
2

> Ж mae d ^
ы асы a VR ~e Extra coolness... 2% $9 27.
эм.“ а ме SO d gives КО). ey x
TOME »7**,^ r the most refreshing taste > ^

“Se „МОМ can get in any cigarette. |

y Я $ а
Come ир to KOL. America's *1 menthol-— e

Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined
0 That Cigarette S Dangerous to Your Health.

375

PLAYBOY

376

Pure silk eges and kimona

One of many exciting new styles in our
exclusive collection of designer

lingene. Send $2.00 for luxurious color
Catalogue to Victoria's Secret, Dept. PBV-1

РО. Box 31442, San Francisco, CA 94131

PINAUD
MOUSTACHE WAX

FOR THE MAN WHO REALLY CARES!

A must for styling, grooming and
temporary color touch-ups, for
moustaches, beards and
sideburns.

a
4

FREE! introductory size Lac
Vegetal Aner Shave Lotion with
Pinaud Moustache Wax plus
Styling comb/brush, Only

$2.00 postpaid.

PENAUD 529 5 Ave. New York, ну 1007 Ё
Pleose send — sets of Pinoud Speciol
Oller ot $2.00 per set. No C.O.D.'s
Check shade(s): Chestnut r) Brownp Z

Reutral White Ly Blonde] Bick O &
Name
Address

| City. State__Zip.

with fruit and sugar-cane stirrer.
Note: If guayaba is not available, you
can substitute any fruit nectar.

January 1975
JUBILEE MARY
1% ол. Jubiloeums aquavit
3 ozs. tomato juice
Juice of 14 lemon or lime
2 dashes celery salt

Place ice cubes in small tumbler or
highball glass. Add ingredients; stir.

Мое: This drink is good with other
aquavits, but only Jubiloeums gives the
subtle dill flavor.

April 1975
COOL BRANDY

114 ол. California brandy

YA oz. white crème de menthe

y4 oz. lime juice

Shake all ingredients vigorously with
ice until well chilled. Strain into cocktail
glass, or over fresh ice in am old fash-
ioned glass.

August 1976

dry vermouth
poons crème de cassis
mpagne or sparkling wine, chilled
Orange slice
Pour vermouth and créme de cassis
over ice in highball glass; stir. Fill with
champagne or sparkling wine, Garnish
with orange slice.

September 1976
том” DREAM

114 ozs. bourbon

2 ozs. orange juice

% oz. lemon juice

% oz. orgeat syrup

ised simple syrup (sugar syrup)

4, cup crushed ice

Mint sprig

Blend all ingredients except mint in
chilled blender container. Strain into
7-02. glass. Garnish with mint.

December 1976
THE DIRTY MOTHER

1 oz. tequila

34, oz. collec liqueur

34 oz. cream.

Shake all ingredients briskly wi
Strain over fresh ice in old fasl
glass. Sprinkle lightly with cinnamon, if
desired.

January 1977
MONSIGNORE П
Lcmon wedge
1 oz. cognac, warmed
Sugar

3 roasted coffee beans

Hot doublestrength coffee

1 small scoop vanilla ice cream

34 or. coffee liqueur

Whipped cream

34 oz. green crème de menthe

Finely powdered espresso

Use fairly heavy 10-07. stemmed goblet.
t of outside (about 34
in.) with lemon wedge; moisten upper
part of inside with cognac. Invert glass
and swirl in sugar to frost inside and
outside edges. Add collec beans and
warmed cognac to glass. Ignite cognac
h long match or tilt glass toward
flame, rotating it until cognac catches
fire. Continue turning glass until all
sug zes and flames burn out.
Half-fll glass with coffee, add ісе cream
by spoonfuls, then the coffee liqueur.
ү i pped cream and slowly
ème de menthe over it. Sprinkle
with powdered espresso.

May 1977
TIC MARTINI

1 teaspoon kirsch

1 teaspoon framboise

Have everything frigid! That means
all spirits, mixing glass and cocktail
- Have your ice hard frozen. Quid
gredients with ice
chilled cocktail glass. Sip and tingle!

February 1978
PIRATE'S DREAM

1 oz. light Puerto Rican rum
1 ог. dark J nrum

1 ov. gold Virgin Islands rum
1 or. 15l-proof rum.

Juice 1 lemon

Fresh green mint

8-10 cherries

Lemon, orange slices

Stir all ingredients except cherries and
lemon and orange slices with ice in 1-
quart pitcher, bruising mint well. Str:
over ice in one, two or three glasses
depending on how you're handling it.
Decorate cach glass with chemies, lemon
and orange slices.

April 1978
REDCOAT
1% ois. Canadian bl
. grapefru
2 teaspoons grenadine, or to taste
Pour all ingredients over ice in rocks
glass. Stir. Garnish with maraschino cher-
ry, if desired.
Gentlemen, a toast! To the next 25
years, PLAYBOY'S... and yours!

ended whiskey

THE COLOR OF THINGS TO COME.

In Japan, taking pictures is more
than a hobby. It's a way of life,
And the film used most is Fuji

untries around
er 10 million pictures
a day are taken on the film in the
green b

Pictures with sharp, bright,
beautiful color.

And now you can get this same
beautiful color in America. in sizes
that will fit any camera you own.

And just because our film
comes from Japan, doesn't mean
you cant have it processed at the

corner drugstore.

Next time you need film for
your daughter's birthday or Uncle
Norman's 50th wedding anniver-
sary, try a roll of Fuji film.

You may not be used to the
color of our box, but wait till
see the color of your pictures.

OVER 10 MILLION PICTURES A DAY ARE TAKEN ON FUJI FILM.

PLAYHBOY

378

PLAYBOY'S FUTURE

(continued from page 235)

“Playboy, by its time of birth, was destined to reach
beyond all apparent limitations, to become a giant.”

investigation, From inception,
has been an entity that literally thrives
on competition and the clash of ideas.
Because of the indomitable nature of
Scorpio, PLAYBOY can easily weather any
threats to its survival for the next 25
years, and the only real obstacle to con-
tinued success is already built into the
company: a tendency to become tradi
tion-bound, mentally arthritic, stiff in
the creative joints.

In 1979, rLaynoy’s Sagittarius moon—
the sign of publishing, communication,
philosophy and foreign lands—will have
а strong impact on the entire corpora-
tion. In that year, Playboy will take a
cold plunge into the future that will
involve wrenching decisions at the upper
executive levels. The risks Playboy will
take in 1979 involve expanding the com-
pany's influence into international mar-
that it has been considering for some
d that many will see as a radical
departure from the kinds of businesses

Playboy has involved itself in over the
past 25 years.

May will be a crucial month for
Playboy in 1979 and the company will
seem to haye become somewhat un-
tracked. In fact, for the first four months
of 1979, Playboy will suffer from a form
of lockjaw, making all forms of commu-
nication, both within the company and
from the company outward, difficult, But
as Saturn goes direct in Virgo in М;
Playboy will sew up an agreement and
the sky will be the limit. In that month,
PLAYBOY mag ill pull off a coup
that will be international in scope and
blessed by the journalistic fraternity.
During the year, pLaynoy will publish
more articles related to medicine and
theater than ever before.

Looking ahead over the next 25 years,
these things are likely to happen:

+ Before the end of the century,
rLAYBoY will be presenting words and
pictures in such a way that people will

on
DA

"I'm gonna be a Playboy Bunny when I grow up and out.”

gasp, "I can hear it and read it and scc
it and practically feel

= Playboy Enterprises will attract those
who are, consciously or otherwise, cnam-
ored of dictatorial powers. For the next
25 years, Playboy must, as it becomes
more powerful, be sensitive to this tend-
ency or it will suffer the consequences, as
did a recently resigned President who,
like Playboy, had Pluto plunked into the
tenth house of his horoscope.

* In 1980, Playboy will begin a new
cycle, becoming more independent, But
in 1987, there will be a world-wide holo-
€aust, Nathanacl West revisited. While
athletes cavort at the Olympic games,
possibly in Los Angeles, the life of the
world will be threatened. Following this
obscene threat to life, Playboy. with no
desire or need for apology, will assume
a much larger role in the economic and
artistic life of the nation.

= Special forecast: It may not seem
possible now, but by the end of the next
quarter century, Playboy will have a
powerful influence on the national econ-
omy, haying expanded into world mar-
kets that include involvement in satellites.
and, ubovc all, oil. Because of thi
Playboy will be in the center of global
happenings, reflecting opinions and ex-
erting the kind of pressure that influ-
ences national policy. It will not be
surprising if, long before 25 years have
passed, Playboy has a business relation-
ship with Sheik Ahmed Zaki Yamani,
inister of petroleum for Saudi Arabia
(who is knowledgeable about not only
astrology but other mantic arts and
sciences as well). During the next quarter
century, Playboy will become a major
force in the yisual-entertainment indus-
motion pictures, television and pos-
sibly luser projection. But, somehow. oil
I play a major role in the life of the

yboy is riding a gigantic wave of
the future, a wave that even top Playboy
executives may not be fully aware of.
‘The pains it will suffer during 1979 and
following 1984 will not be just growing
pai су will be the ach
entity that is truly pioneering a
Playboy, by its very time of birth, was
destined to originate, to innovate, to
reach beyond all apparent limitations, to
become a giant.

A final warning: Only one Scorpio
ever won the heavyweight champions
mo Carnera, the gallant battered
giant whose story is a model for so many
late-night boxing movies. If Playboy, as
Carnera did, begins to think itself invin-
cible, it, like Camera, will suffer corpo-
rate carna layboy remains
irreverent, it can easily avoid that pitfall.

[Well, folks, Sydney didn't pull any
punches. If you're on cdge, waiting to
see what your future holds, you can
imagine how we feel!]

Postmasters of America Announces

OFFICIAL GOLD ON SILVER PROOFS
OF AMERICA'S GREATEST STAMPS

The 4g Fleet of Columbus’ Ble Error, issued in 1893, is known
to exist п orly one unused pane ot 50 stamps, plus some indi-
vidual used specimens.

The 242 Signing of the Declaration of Independence Invert
shows the Signers upside down due to a printing error. This
1869 issue is опе of the most valuable U.S. etamps.

The 90¢ Abraham Lncon Stamp. reeased in 1869, is the
rarest and most valuable stamp featuring the ротай of
Abraham Lincoln

The 10¢ George Washington Samp released on July 1,
1847—wih the 5¢ Frankin—vas ine frst general issue of the
US postofice lis akey acquisition fer imporlant col

The Pan-American Exposiion 2¢ ‘Fast Express’ Invert. lus-
tratedacttal size (above) and enlarged lo show fne delal, ва |
celebraled гапу Only a few sheets bore the invert error.

The fifty most treasured and most significunt Urüted Stules pustuge stumps,
as chosen by Postmasters of America. Authentically re-created in
24 karat gold on sterling silver, in limited edition.

Of the thousands of postage stamps issued
by the United States Post Office, few have
achieved the status of greatness. Most
specimens of these great stamps аге in major
private collections, or are housed in leading
museums. Each is a prized treasure and
some are virtually priceless.

Now, as a lasting tribute and commemora:
tion, Postmasters of America will honor the
fifty greatest postage stamps ever issued by the
United States in a collection of official gold
on silver Proofs.

Each of these great stamps will be cap-
tured by skilled sculptors and engravers in
the enduring magnificence of 24 karat gold
electroplated on solid sterling silver, Post-
masters of America has appointed The
Franklin Mint, the world’s largest and
foremost private mint, to re-create each gold
onsilver stamp inall its fine detail. And each
stamp will be minted in precious metals
with The Franklin Mint's famed gem Proof
finish, so that the frosted sculptured area—
corresponding to the stamp's intricate
design—stands out against a background of
mirror-like brilliance.

The greatest and rarest U.S. stamps

Since each stamp is unique, its interpreta-
tion in precious metals is both beautiful and
exciting. And to assure the lasting signifi-
cance of the collection, the stamps have been
selected for their exceptional rarity, unique
designs, and historical importance by Post-
masters of America experts.

Each gold on silver stamp will be accom-

panied by a philatelic commentary, and а
Certificate of Authenticity attesting to its of-
ficial status as an authentic re-creation in
gold on silver of one of America’s most
treasured stamps.
Significant price guarantee

These gold on silver Proofs of America's
greatest stamps are available only from
Postmasters of America, exclusively by di-
rect subscription, and there is an absolute
limit of one collection per person. They will
notbe sold through stamp dealers anywhere
in the world,

‘The collection will be issued at the con-
venient rate of one gold on silver stamp per
month. Despite recent increases in the costs
of precious metals, the issue price of each of-
ficial Proof-quality 24 karat gold on sterling
silver stamp is just $19.50. And this issue
price will be guaranteed to each subscriber for
the entire series. An attractive album will be
provided at no additional cost.

Subscription deadline; December 31, 1978

The Postmasters of America's collection of
America's greatest stamps in 24 karat gold
on sterling silver will embody all the fea-
tures that collectors value most highly—
official status...assured rarity. historical im-
portance...uniqueness of design...and the
enduring beauty of gold on silver.

Those who wish to acquire this official
collection are reminded that all subscription
applications must be postmarked by De-
cember 31, 1978, to be accepted. The subscrip-
tion rolls will then be closed forever.

ETT

тузшм of Americe is die official commemorative or
ganization of the National League of Postmasters end the
National Association of Postmasters of the United States.
Not a part of the US. post office or any other governmont
agency, its purpose is to rovidea service to collectors.

7 SUBSCRIPTION APPLICATION
OFFICIAL GOLD ON SILVER
PROOFS OF AMERICA'S
GREATEST STAMPS

Must be postmarked by December 31, 1978.
Limit: One collection per subscriber.

Postmasters of America
clo The Franklin Mint
Frankin Center, Pennsylvania 19091
Please enter my subscription for the Official
Gold on Silver Prools of America’s Greatest
Stamps, issued by Posimasters of America,
consisting of fifty proof quality gold on ster
ling siverstamps, to be sent tome al the rate
‘of one per month beginning in January.

| agree ю рау $19.50" for each gold on
silver stamp, monthly, in advance of ship.
ment.

"Pus my state sales tax.

Signature

Су

State, Zip.

The good life isn't everything.
Just most things to some people.

For the Playboy reader, the good life begins with
luxe back issue binders that each keep six months
worth of Playmates tidily tucked into an Antique
Tan leatherette cover. Unabashedly embossed with.
PLAYBOY and the Rabbit emblem they make a
sleek and handsome addition to your personal
library of what's what, who's who, and what to do.

If good music means the good life...it matters not
whether your zenith of "good" means the most
acidic of rock or the most mellow of mood music.
It's all there in your back issues.
If good movies mean the good life...save your
times for the good ones. Each month Playboy
reviews the stellar releases for the silver screen with
pithy insights and considerable punch.

If good reading means the good life...the names to
watch in fiction and non-fiction bring you the world
you know and several you don't. They're as close
as your easy chair.

You'll want to order several binders. Catch up (for

certain) and order an extra for ample growing room.

How to order your Playboy Binders!

A single binder (LR0198), which holds six issues, is
available at $5.50 each; or buy two (LRO199) for
just $10.00. Please add shipping and handling
charges as follows: Orders up to $10.00, add $1.30;
on orders from $10.01 to $25.00, add $2.50; from
$25.01 to $50.00, add $3.50; over $50.00, FREE
shipping and handling. Illinois residents, add 5%
tax. Make your check payable to Playboy Products
(no COD. orders, please). Or, if you prefer, you
may charge your binders to BankAmericard (Visa),
American Express or Master Charge. However, be
sure to include the card number, validation and
expiration dates.

Playboy Products

Dept. PP219
PO. Box 3386
Chicago, Illinois 60654

NOTE: Prices subject to change without notice. @

азад (continued from page 238)

*His eyes did not for an instant glance sideways,
perhaps out of fear or boredom with grownups.”

and, returning before him, she had asked
at the hotel desk for the room key by
number

The clerk asked her her name
a policy. He would not give the key to
a number
And what did you tell him your name
was?" Richard asked, in this pause of
her story

In her pause and dark-blue stare, he
saw recreated her hesitation when chal-
lenged by the clerk. Also, she had been,
before her marriage, a second-grade
teacher, and Richard saw now the man-
ner—prim, fearful and commanding—
with which she must have confronted
those roomfuls of children. “1 told him

Tt was

Мар!
Richard had smiled. “That sounds
right."
D
Taking Joan out to dinner felt illicit

She suggested it, for “fun,” at the end of
one of the children’s Sundays. He had
been two months in Boston, new habits
had replaced old, and it was tempting
to leave their children, who were bored
1 found it casier 19 be bored by rele-
an than by th father, this bossy
visitor. "Stop telling me you're bored,"
he had scolded John, the most docile of
his children and the one he felt guilti-
est about. ifteen is supposed to be a
boring age. When I was fifteen, I lay
around reading science fiction. You lie
around looking at Kung Fu. At least 1
was learning to read."

"Is good." the child protested, his
adolescent voice cracking in fear of being
distracted from an especially vivid piece
of slow-motion fai cht. Richard, when
living here, had watched the program
him often enough to know that it
n a sense, good, that the hero's Ori
ental passivity, relieved by spurts of mys-
tical violence, was insinuating into the
child а system of ethics, just as Richard
had taken ideals of behavior from dime
movies and comic books.

with

was,

man

He dropped to one knee beside the
sola where John, his upper lip fuzzy and
his eyebrows manly dark, stoically gazed
into the transcendent flickering: Rich-
ard's own voice nearly cracked. asking,
"Would it be less boring if Dad still
lived her

“No-oh"; The answer was instantane-
ous and impatient, as if the question had
been anticipated. Did the boy mean it?
His eyes did not for an instant glance

sidewa
ing himself, perhaps out of genuine
boredom with grownups and their ges-
tures. On television, satisfyingly, gestures
killed. Richard rose from his supplicant
position, relieved to hear Joan coming
down the stairs. She was dressed to go
out, in the timeless black dress with the
scalloped neckline, and a collar of Mexi-
can silver. At least—a mark, perhaps, of
their fascinating maladjustment—he had
never bored her, nor she, he dreaded 10
admit, him. He was wary. He must be
wary. They had had it. They must have
had it

Yet the cock afood, and
the wine, displaced his wariness; he

s, perhaps out of fear of betray-

Is, and the s

heard himself saying; to the so famili:
and so strange face across the tabl
"She's lovely, and loves me, you know
(he felt embar , like a son sudden
ly aware that his mother, though polite
ly attentive, is

indifferent to the urgency
of an athletic contest being described),
“but she does spell everything out, and
wants everything spelled out to her. Its
like being back in the second grade. And
the worst thing is, for all this expl
ing, for all this glorious fucking. she's
still not real to me, the way—you are.”
His voice did break, he had gone too far

Joan put her left hand, still be;
their wedding ring, flat on the tab
cloth in a sensible, level gesture. "She
will be,” she said. “I's a matter of time.”
7 The old pattern was still the one visi
ble to the world. The waitress, who had
ight their children in
greeted them as if their
unbroken;
three or four

unday school.

Trage were
th
es а year,
schedule, They had knov

they

te in restaurant

nd were on
ctor

n the cont

“Peace on earth! Good will toward men!”

379

GIVE THE GIFT OF
THEIRISH MIST

Give someone a bottle of Irish Mist and you
give them hills that roll forever, lakes that radiate
light, and a gentle mist that settles every evening.

Every sip of Irish Mist is all that and more:
A legendary, centuries old drink sweetened with
justa wisp of heather honey. Irish Mist can be
enjoyed anytime, or place, or way: on the rocks;
neat; or mixed to your taste.

Its a pleasing drink. lts a perfect gift: Irish
Mist in the handsome gift box. Always given with
pride and received with appreciation.

IRISH MIST.
THE LEGENDARY SPIRIT.

who had built it, this mockantique

dozen y , and them left

wing,
town, bankrupt, disgraced and oddly
cheerful. His memory hovered between
the beams. Another couple, older tha
the Maples—the husband had once
worked with Richard on a town com-
mittee—came up to their booth beam

atory

ing, jollying, loving, in that ob
American way. Did they know? It didn't
matter, in this country of temporary
arrangements. The Maples jollied back
as one, and tumbled loose only when
the older couple moved away. Joan
gazed after their backs. “I wonder what
they have,” she asked, "that we didn't
“Maybe they had less,” Richard said,
y didn't expect mor

“That's too casy.” She was a shade re-
int to his veiled compliments; he
was grateful. Please resist

He asked, "How do vou think the kids
are doing? John seemed withdrawn."

“That's how he is. Stop picking at
him.”

“I just don't want him to think he
has to be your little husband. That
house [eels huge now.”

“You're telling me.

“I'm sorry.” He was; he put his hands
palms up on the table.

“Isn't it amazing,” Joan said, “how a
full bottle of wine isn't enough for two
people anymore?”

"Should 1 order another boule?" He
was dismayed, secretly; the waste.

She saw this and said, “No. Just give
me half of what's in your glass."

“You can have it all.” He poured.

She said, “So your fucking is really
glorious

He was embarrassed by the remark
now and feared it set a distasteful trend.
As with Ruth there was an etiquette of
adultery, so with Joan some code of sep-

ation must he maintained. “It usually
he told her, “between people who
rried."
right, white man?" A s

aren't m

215
of his wine inside her, Joan be
swell with impending hilarity. She
leaned as close as the table would. per-
mit. "You must promise"—a gesture
went with "promise;" a protesting little
splaying of her hands—"never to tell
this to anybody, not even Ruth."

“Maybe you shouldn't tell me. In fact,
don't." He understood why she had been
laconic up to now; she had been want
ing to talk about her lover, holding him
warm within her like a baby. She м
going to betray him. “Please don
Richard said

"Don't be such а prig. You're the only
person 1 can talk to; it doesn't mean a

thing.”
“That's what you said about our going
to bed in my apartment.”
“Did she mind?”
“Incredibly.”
Joan laughed, and Richard was struck,

“That will be mine.”

381

PLAYBOY

382

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for the thousandth time, by the perfec
ad

tion of her teeth, even and rounded

white, bared by her lips as if in proof of

a perfect skull, an immaculate soul. Her
glee whirled her to a kind of heaven as
she confided stories about herself and
Andy—how he and a motel manageress
had quarreled over the lack of towels in
a room taken for the afternoon, how he
fell asleep for exactly seven minutes each
time after making love. Richard had
known Andy for years, a slender, swarthy
specialist in Jaw, himself
divorced, though professionally engaged
n the finicking arrangement of giant
mergers. A fussy dresser, a churchman,
he brought to many occasions
dignity and perhaps had
attracted 10 Joan's surface glaze.
smooth New England ice, than to the
mischievous demons underneath. "My
psychiatrist thinks Andy was symbiot
with you, and now that you're gone, 1
can see him as absurd.”

"He's not absurd. He's good.
handsome, prosperous. He tithe:
has а twelve handicap. He loves you."
Не protects you from me, you mea
His buttons!—we have to allow a 1
hour afterward for him to do up all h
buttons. If they made four-picce suits,
he'd wear them. And he washes—he
washes everything, every time.”

“Stop.” Richard begged. "Stop telling
me all this."

But she was giddy amid the spinning
mirrors of her betrayals, her face so
flushed and tremulous the waitress sym-
pathetically giggled, pouring the Maples
their coffee. Joan’s face was pink as a
peony, her eves a blue pale as ice, al-
most transparent, He saw through her
words to what she was saying—that these

corporation

п undue
been

more
her

loyal,
He

lovers, however we love them, arc not us,
are not sacred as reality is sacred. We are
reality. We have made children. We gave
each other our young bodies. We prom-
ised to grow old together.

Joan described an incident in her
house, once theirs, when the plumber
unexpectedly arrived. Richard had to
laugh with her; that houses plumbing
problems were an old joke, an ongoing

: backdoor bell Mr
Kelly stomped right in, you know how
the kitchen echoes in the bedroom, we
had had it" She looked, to see il her
meaning was clear, He nodded. Her eves
sparkled. She emphasized. of the knock,
“Just at the very moment,” and, with a
gesture akin to the gentle clap in the
car a world ago, drew with one finger
tipa V in the air, as if beginning to

he rang,

write "very" The motion was cager,
shy, exquisite, dillident, trusting: He saw
all its meanings and knew that she

would never stop gesturing within him,
never; though a decree come between
them, even death, her gestures would
endure, cut into glass.

^ WE

Isiton his knee.

Presto chango,
and now he is me.

Hocus pocus,
we take her to bed.

Magic is fun;
we're dead.

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BRITISH DRAG

(continued from page 306)
along to my bank manager and ex-
plained I wanted to open a separate
account for her. He thought at first I
s talking about my girlfriend
“And when he found out?" I asked
her, thinking that an. Australian. bank
cr might have suggested she take
both accounts elsewhere.

^He invited me to the Rugby Club, of
which he is secretary. He thought the
members ought to know about it."

"How can you bear,” I asked Petrina,
“to get up in the morning, bathe and
to dress yourself for work as an
clliciency expert, and then come home
in the evening and go through the whole
boring process again? How long does it
е you?”

“I have never timed myself," she told.
me, “only other people. But you're right,
of course. As I get older, I do it less and
less and never when 1 am by myself.

has to be a party or an
occasion such as this. Transvestism is
really a young man's game, sometimes a

A worried parent consulted me
-old
who was always trying on his mother's
I asked. "Docs he do
le you are watching him? ‘Of
7 he told me, ‘he does it all the
"No cause for worry,’ I assured
tite апте;

the other day about his seven-ye

‘He is not a nue t
he does it in the dark, quite alone.’
That's wl it used to be like for all of
us, quite the dark. But now, at
least, they're turning up the lights. Or,
п your case, the footlights.”

Тап you remember how it all began?
I urged

“At a weddi he answered. “I was
3 page and there was a child about my
age who was a bridesmaid and I sud-
denly found myself praying. It wasn't
the service, you understand, just the re-
hearsal the night before, so I thought Td
given God plenty of time. "Please, God,”
I asked, ‘let the bridesm fall down
dead and because thes no one of her
size around, Ict them dress me in that
long yellow frock and give me the posy
to carry. It didn't happen, of course,
but for five years afterward, I would
fantasize that it had.”

The Sea Horse Club of Austr
lishes its own magazine,
has a distinctly period flavor, partly be-
cause snapshots of the members mostly
reveal them dr rt of clothes
their mothers wi r when
they were - Australian ladies go in
for hats and these not so much comple-
ment the frock as challenge it. They
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PLAYBOY

386

Jong, cool glass of Icmon squash? Where
is the queen?

Sea Horse members hold their own
gaiden parties, but they usually gather
where the light indoors is kinder and
where security is achieved by hiring а pi
vate room. Sometimes the festivities last
the full weekend. Buffet luncheon, tea
amd a formal dinner demand frequent
changes of wardrobe. There is often a
dance to which the wives are invited to
round off the celebrations. The magazine
records the festivities, gives notice of
forthcoming events and fills its pages with
letters from readers recording their gr:
tude to the editor and their adventures
and misadventures in the role of women.

On the whole, they seem a happy
crowd and Feminique, which gocs out
free once a month to registered members,
the appearance of a [
to which slightly overexcited
ers contribute accounts of local happen-
ings and photographs of themselves and
their friends setüng out of
adventure posed, traditionally, just out-
side their front doors and ready, one sus-
pecs, to bolt inside, should danger
threaten in the guise of the milkman.

It is rather like reading an Alcoholics
Anonymous publication in praise of
Icoholism. At transvestite conventions,
professional advice is sought from beaut
cians and deportment teachers, There
€ classes throughout the day in make
up and wig dressing, with particular
tention being paid to how to look
younger and cover a beard and the cor-
rect way to walk. sit, bend and be:
self up and down stairs. The w
not encouraged to attend instruction
periods but are made welcome in the
evenings for the succession of parties

that include the Sugar "n Spice Night
rousel Dinner (informal) and the Pink
Banquet, at which Miss Dream is selected
after The Fashion Show. There's a tro-
phy for the lucky winner, cakes for the
runners-up and certificates presented by
the previous years Miss Dream to all
who have completed the course,
.

I am not one for hobbies. I
play no game in tlie open air, am not
attracted to camping in the high Alps or
canocing over Niagara Falls, nor have I
been able to listen with very much en-
thusiasm as my friends recount their
experiences in and around golf or cricket
dubs. But Т can understand а man col-
lecting Teddy bears or letters written by
bout to die in the Boer War. I
understand why a friend of my
youth used to strip himself to the buft
before donning a mackintosh and ven-
turing forth to his friendly neighborhood
drugstore, only to whip the wrapping
away before the startled gaze of the
young lady behind the prescription
counter, It was always her, of course, He
was often arrested, fined, once impris-
опей and usually beaten up by irate
bystanders, but his compulsion continued
through the years. “Does it still persist?”
I asked, meeting him only the other day
at a luncheon party.

Alas, no,” he told me. “What would
be che usc? The most excitement I could
expect would be to be tapped on the
shoulder by the lady behind me
the queue and urged to move охе
she hadn't got all day to waste!” :
are, I suppose, sobering up
earth on which we live does
me. In the years to come, indeed,
it may be impossible to dress distinc-

gre

“Actually, this is harder on me.
I was into group sex.”

tively as a member of either sex. But,
meanwhile, transvestites still play hap-
pily in the short time that remains to
them. They sit before the tea table on
their “at home” evenings, much as my
grandmother used to do, awaiting the
callers, always announced by three dis-
creet rings of the doorbell. Fewer than
that they don’t answer, at least not until
they've disrobed and unwigged, There
would be too much explaining to do, for
although there are three transvestites in
every 1000 men, the odds are still against
ап or minister being of like

me after he'd seen Picture of Innocence.
“He would wear ladies’ cam knickers
under his vestment and became highly
excited during a service attended by the
queen. ‘If only she'd known I was wear-
ing my lrillies; he kept remarking after-
ward. ‘What do you suppose she would
have said? "Nothing, 1 told him, 'Roy-
alty make it a habit t0 say nothing on
such occasions.’ All the same, I watched
him pretty carefully next time.”

What might shock the faithful luckily
seldom allronts the theatergoers, who,
from "Terence time, have delighted in
the joke of men pretending to be women
or, better still, eunuchs. 1 made а few
mistakes initially with Picture of Inno-
cence, expecting the audience to relish
more а scene lifted from Charley's Aunt.
The public, I find, gets used to every-
thing, even to the fact that I have thicker
ankles than I would wish these days. But
1 don't think once my role is finished in
the play І shall continue to primp and
preen. For one thing, it takes an incon-
scionable time to pet dressed

Waiting at the stage door one after-
noon was an elderly gentleman who had
seen my play. "I enjoyed it very much.
You got nearly all of it right. You
of course, a fellow t I told
him I was only pretendin,
went on, "a retired bank n or
course, in my job, I had to be discreet
and, again, my wife never very keen
on the idea. "Do wait until Fm dead,”
she used to beg me, and now she is and
lam very lonely. As you get older, it
seems sadder, but I thought I must cheer
myself up belore coming to see you, so
I went shopping, something I haven't
done for months.

"What did you buy?" I inquired.

“Not much at all—talcum powder and
a very expensive petticoat.”

Most of us, when we are young, want
to be railroad. engineers, and not many
achieve our ambition, We arc lucky, per-
haps luckier than transvestites, who just
wanted to be girls, little girls, big girls,
even old girls, and were given their wish
a price the rest of us might think was
rather too high, We can't beat them and
thank God we don’t want to join them.

PLAYBOY FOUNDATION (continued from page 85)

Orgai tion for the Reform of Ma
ana Laws (NORML). »rAvnoY's con-
tinuing financial support of NORML is
part of the magazine's commitment to
the reform of oppressive U. S. drug law:
November 1970: Concern over the re-
pressive Nixon Administration prompts
publication of an unprecedented
“Playboy's Political Preference Cl
rating candidates on the basis of their
position on the Vietnam war, civil rights,
indi ties, pollution and en-
vironment.
November 1970: Alter nearly three
of reporting on and cr
nit pen and enlorcement
becomes the first na-
lvocate

private mari ju:

December 1970: Continuing its sup-
port of groups working to legalize abor-
tion, the Foundation grants funds to the
National Association for the Repeal of
Abortion Laws. Similar grai
ion Services International to combat
€ laws on ihe d
contraceptives and to help persons as-
sociated with the University of Chicago
set up an abortion-referral line.

January 1971: The Playboy Founda-
tion funds Chicago's first 24-hour crisis
intervention and referral service for
youth, called Metro-Help.

March 1971; The Midwest Population
Center—the first vasectomy clinic in Chi-
cago and one of the first in the country—
begins operation with
from the Playboy Foundatioi

August 1971: As one of the first majo
magazines to take a stand against con-
tinuation of the Vietnam war, PLAYBOY
publishes “The Voice of the Winter
Soldier,” the Congressional testimony of
John Forbes Kerry, head of Vietnam
Veterans Against the Wa

November 1971: The first major ch
ty affair is held at Playboy Mansion West
with all proceeds going to the A. U.
for its continuing efforts in behalf of
civil liberties

December 1971: pLaysoy commissions.
the first major study of American sexual
behavior since the Kinsey Reports, a gen-
eration before, Organized and analyzed
by authorrescarcher Morton Hunt, the
results are published in the magazine and
in book form by Playboy Press.

December 1971: The Foundation goes
to the aid of Shirley Wheeler of Daytoi
Beach, Florida, the only woman in U. S.
history to be convicted of manslaughter

ig an abortion. With th

working in behalf of James Decko,
tim of the excessive zeal with which
against cohabitation are enforced in the

city of Sheboygan, Wisconsin. Despond-
ent because the charge loses him his job
and makes similar employment impos-
sible to find, Decko takes his own life. A
letter from his attorney to the Forum
tells the story.

July 1972: In a case carried to the U. S.
Supreme Court with the support of the
Playboy Foundation, the anti-contracep-
tive provision of the Massachusetts
Crimes Against Chastity law is declared
unconstitutional. William Baird, Jr.,
convicted under that law, is acquitted.

April 1973: An editorial, “Mr. Nixon
and the Media," warns of the Nixon
Administration's attempts to subvert the
First Amendment and a free press. Hel-
ner makes Nixon's “enemies list.’

May 1973: PLayvoy's continuing con-
cern over laws regulating private sexual
conduct prompts the Foundation to pro-
vide funds for the national Sexual Pri-
vacy Project, a program of the A.C.L.U.

October 1973: Orcgon becomes the
first state to decriminalize the personal
possession of small amounts of mari-
juana, after a long and successful lobby-
by

ing clfort by groups supported
NORML and the Foundation.

January 1974: The Founda
the start of the A.C.L.U.'s Мо
Rights Project. one of the country’s first
programs to assist women in civil rights
litigation, This grant c: ids the Foun-
dations ongoing support of various
groups and projects devoted to establish-
ing equal rights for women.

Nove mber 1974: Population Services
International, with Foundation support,
launches a successful suit aimed at void-
ing New York State's Iaw restricting the
advertising and sale of contraceptives.
dation pro-
funds for the publication of Lobby-
ing for Freedom, by Kenneth Р. Norwick
ndbook on how the
can fight censorship laws.

May 1975: In a landmark case sup-
ported by NORML and the Foundation,
the supreme court of Alaska declares
that adults have a constitutional right
to use marijuana in the privacy of thei:
homes.

July 1975: The increasing number of
criminal cases called to the Foundation’s
attention prompts the establishment of
the Playboy Legal Defense Team, whose
work is reported in a new magazine fea-
ture called Playboy Casebook, The
Team's first case is that of Tom Mistrot,
serving a life sentence in Texas for three
minor offenses, including marijuana,
that were felonies at the time of
convictions but that later legi n had
made_misdemeanors. Mistrot’s sentence
is commuted and he is paroled.

July 1976: The Forum analyzes the
trous impact of the Nixon years on
civil liberties in a series of editorials

titled “The Nixon Legacy." The frst,
“Stonewalling on Sexual Freedom,” deals
with the U.S. Supreme Court's adverse
decision in a sexual-privacy case.
November 1976: A Federal judge in
Alaska frees alleged draft dodger Dickran
Erkiletian, citing President-elect Jimmy
Carter's promise, in his Playboy Inter-
view, to pardon Americans who resisted
the draft during the Vietnam war.
November 1976: In a “Nixon Legacy”
editorial, “How to Win the War on
PrAYBOY challenges our abusive
nd proposes a more rational
approach to the problems of drug abuse.
December 1976: A Massachusetts judge
finds that state's cocaine law uncon-
stitutional and issues a long, closely re:
soned and highly significant opinion
in support of his decision. Expenses of
expert. witnesses provided by the defense
are paid for by the Playboy Foundation
February 1977: PLAYBOY's Legal De-
Tense Team begins its investigation of
events growing out of a marijuana т;
on a ranch near Red Lodge, Montana.
This becomes one of the most bizarr
and protracted drug cases in Montana
legal history, and after c
arc filed by NORML, with the support
of the Playboy Foundation, all charges
are eventually dropped.
March Through NORML,
vLAYBOY helps gi aucoma victim Robert

neat (o able bureaucratic ob-

cles to become the first person in re-
cent times to legally obtain and use
marijuana for medical purposes. When
Randall is arrested for growing the pot
that he needs to delay blindness,
NORML attorneys raise the extremely
rare defense of
succeed in obtaining |

ree for research, d resuli
e presented to various Federal
agencies in an effort to change Govern-
mental policies toward homosexuals.

February 1978: Backed by NORML
h the support of the Foundation, a
cancer patient in New Mexico persuades.
the legislature to pass the first law legal-
izing the use of marijuana for certain
medical purposes. (By the end of the
year, three more states pass similar stat-
utes, aided by expert witnesses and
model laws supplied by NORML.)

June 1978: First appearance of the
Forum’s newest department, The Law,
which Boston attorney George V.
Higgins discusses certain features of the
pending Senate Б tended to create a
new Federal criminal code.

December 1978: Playboy Casebook re-
ports the successful collaboration betwee:
our Legal Defense Team and a Colum-
bus, Ohio, attorney in freeing a woman
wrongly accused of murder.

387

PLAYBOY

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THE UNDEAD

(conlinued from page 219)
is a kernel in all of them that is “half in
Jove with easeful death” and as I wander
through the late-night streets in the chill
hours, I can hear their plaintive sighs, a
muted chorus rising from those beds, its
rhythms penetrating the very walls. They
summon me. They long lor me. Gentle-
man Death, that has been my epithet,
and I so treasure it. What gentleman
can refuse а lady, after all?

Imagine her, my victim, caught in the
life and so given to
ning. She wants an extraordinary
passion, something she's ouly glimpsed
before and lost. The memory pricks her,
a flicker in the recesses of her soul, 2
searing rapture known but for an instant
when mortal and mortal intertwine.

It is for her summons that I listen, be-
ing myself sometimes the silent siren of
death that can evoke that plea from her
even as I quietly pass by. No one hears
my steps. I do not hear them. It seems
until she offers that faint murmur, I am
not even there. These winding, narrow
medieval streets shroud me, no moon cuts
between the jutting roofs and 1 am cold,
cold for her as 1 wander, waiting with a
lover's devotion tor that perfect call.

You know that our preternatural flesh
cannot dispel the icy air that settles on
our limbs. Ours is the chill of the wind
howling through eternity.

So you can well ima
sweetness of the moment of sclection, of
moving out of that damp and merciless
night into the bedchamber. No two of
e the same.

I need not see her. I know she's there.
nates from her living flesh
‚ 1 see the shape of that
helpless, prone. There
is something melancholy, sad about her
nestled among the trinkets of her mortal
life, the soft bed, her loose and fragrant
garments, remnants of girlhood—she
sleeps with the trusting sleep of the child,
1 tell you if I were not the monster, I
would be touched, But back to the pliant
treasure herself, breathing deeply in her
dreams, Is it more vivid, that dream, as I
draw close to her? 1t seems 1 see her eye-
lids flutter, she shapes a name with her
lips. 1 tell you, she knows that the object
of her inexpressible longing is there. She
feels these сусу on her naked shoulders,
this hand on the pale-petal flesh of her
soft thigh.

It is seduction, remember.

‘There is never violence. I tell you that
1 embraces, no matter how tender, are
surfeited with violence. Violence is the
throbbing of the unsatisfied heart. Vio-
lence is the desperate pulsing of that
tender fold between the legs, that pre-
cious cleft that shapes its own emptiness;
violence is the restless turning of her

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limbs. This is the heart and core of all
violence for which the rest is rude meta-
phor, rough deceiving, a lie born of
abused passion and broken dreams. You
want the true violence? Neglect her
Then bend your head to her breasts and
rest it there, to hear that awful moan.

“Hall in love with easeful death" is
half in love with life still. She awakes
shivering and I feel my lips surrender to
a smile. I know too well that I might
quiet her with the stoke of my hand
even as its coldness shocks her, but let
her wake just a litle co the crude world
of lamps and torn realities. Let her see
her demon lover. Let her see these eyes
adoring her. Let her know that in serving
me she will make me utterly and com-
pletely her slave

Have I ever failed? It’s natural enough.
that question. The world is rife with
passionate women, so vou wonder have
they ever drawn back from me, fought,
begged for reprieve? Has some dim alarm
ever sounded in the depths of those heav-
ing breasts? Weren't these women just а
little frightened by this fervent gaze?
Never. Forgive my laughter, vou don't
understand the promise of my caress.

They have struggled too long and in
vain for union, these succulent mortal
beauties, they've known the prisons of
their own flesh лоо well, Observe the
flare of those narrow hips. the subtle
curve of the buttocks; these are but
the contours of a dungeon cell. See how
their love acts have so often resembled
the quarrel, how they've thrashed and,
alone afterward, lain uneasy in half sleep.

Mine is the embrace that will pene-
uate that isolation, mine is the kiss that
will delve to the root of the soul. She
knows it, my bride: she knows it without
my saying it; she knows it with an in-
stinct that is all too human and that we
immortals 100 quickly forget. Imagine
her splendid terror and how easily it
melts to languor in my arms. She is meck,
pliant, on the verge of some awesome
awakening. She hardly feels the little
tear. The breath hisses low from between
her pearlwhite teeth, her eyelids show
the barest gleam beneath the dark lash.
She cannot know how my pulse quickens
with her pulse, how my heart feeds upon
her heart, how pulling me toward her, I
draw the heated perfumed elixir from
her with my own soul, pulling the cords
of her being through her veins.

She is so warm.

Do I have to tell you how that smooth
tight flesh of her arching back burns my
fingers, how those taut nipples brand my
chest? She is listless, fading. One arm
drops to her side, hands close weakly on

the lost coverlet and, turning from me
even as she is given over to me, her eyes
are veiled with her silken hair.

And yet my monster's eye charts her
swoon. This is the union she has longed
for, and with the cunning of the beast,
I have let her go too soon. I measure her,

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PLAYBOY

390

1 hold ler, I tingle with the life she's
given me and see her moist limbs as the
vessel of my mounting passion, alive as I
n with her life and soothed and tor-
mented as she is with minc.

Nothing divides us now. Her fingers
prod. I savor the groans, those piquant
and spirited utterances, She's mine,

Ah, but you know the price of this
modulation, this rhythm. She cannot
imagine my thirst for her. If she placed
her hand on the marble stone in the
churchyard at midnight, she might begin
to understand this harrowing loneliness
and, with it, she would come to know my
art. 1 draw back from her, aching for her.
1 hold her, this struggling sparrow in my
casy gip-

How long will that taste of her content
me? It is sweet to touch her bent neck,
her tousled hair. But she's given me her
life's blood: what am I to give in retur
Yes. I said the word, return. Perhaps
1 along, vou've thought me some hard
nd simple monster who would tick her
in her sublime pleasure and give her only
darkness finally as her reward? You un-
derestimate me, you fail to understand
the fire and the fiber of my own dreams.

And she's too tender to me, little b
You misunderstand the whole affair

Rather, I become the fount of secrets.
T let her part the open shirt with her own

k
E.

apa

EI T:

hands. I can feel her lips, quivering, vir-
ginal, that touching cagerness, I let her
taste, I let her drink, and she is wild.
Now I can see the incandescence of a
vampire in her eyes, a shimmer to that
beguiling form. Even a languor to hei
throbbing necd. The dock ks, the
wind whispers in the passage. There is
much for her to learn. But she is spent
now with the first undulating wave and
lam in no great haste to bring this to
its close.

Rather, I lie like the bridegroom with
her, as if accustomed to these mortal beds
and their trappings, and I have time for
mortal dreams.

You know we never forget it. Vampire,
Nosferatu, Virdilak. What have we all in
«ommon? What separates our cloaked
and smiling fi from the ouu holy
inhabitants of the monster realm? Sim-
ply this: that we all were and still are
men.

So let me dream for a while. Let me
be young. Let me become some anxious,
urgent creature riding as I did in the
days of brief life through the open coun-
try fields. I feel the horse under me, hi
striding power. The wheat blows in the
wind. And through the shifting trees, I
see the sun again, warm as my bride's
blood; it falls on my face, on my ha
It is her blood that makes this rea

“But enough about me. Let's talk about your tits.”

lie there, but even as the sky is shot with
those swift gold-edged clouds, it's fading,
fading. I must wake. I would know great-
er secrets, I would lead my fledgling
further on.

And she? She dreams as а vampire
now. She stirs. And limp and somnolent,
she falls into my g arms.

What would you have now? That i:
you were I?

Should I usher her into the timeless
life on my own? I think nor. Look at that.
superb young form; what does it cry for.
if not for another woman equally as beau-
tiful; if not for the craft of another lady-
love, supple, scented and schooled by me?
And waiting on these dreary winter
nights as she always waits for the fledg-
gs that I bring her, for what is always
best when shared. This is a dance for
three.

Imagine the patience of such a lady-
love, dark-haired, succulent; is she petu-
lant when she sees my new bride? What
of the postulant herself in such encoun-
ters; does she spurn the skilled and nu
tured woman to whom I present her?
What do you think? Must I instruct my
ladylove to flaunt her treasures? Oh, no.
She bends with an unconcealed abandon
and I see my new bride, afflicted, help-
lcssly drawn. 1 wonder, would it give the
master a little more pleasure if they did
not go so willingly into cach other's per-
fumed arms? A cold agony comes over me
in watching the soft crush of breast 10
breast. I sec their lips drinking one from
the other with a mortal urgency I'd for-
gotten; they moan with some submissive
sentiment I no longer know.

L cannot bear it any longer, І cannot
he content with a feast only for my ey
This is what I've waited for too long,
slaves shaped to the will of the master,
they may command me. I feel the prick
of the hot skin again, that searing luxu:
ant gush, one and then the other of
them, and back again, first my dark and
sultry ladylove, then my shimmering
bride. When will it ever end, when w
І be permitted to rest? Jt seems these
hearts so perfectly tuned now to my own
will not release me, they will not permit
me to withdraw, My mistresses are merci
less. 1 was a kinder master. “Do you love
me?" comes the plaintive question as I
lead them. "Do you love ше?” as 1 gaze
into those glittering сус», Their lips are
blood red, fledgling teeth tease the tender
flesh. “Do you love me" comes the des-
perate entreaty as I gather them against
my monstrous and lonely breast, lonel
lonely beyond their dazzling preter
ral dreams. "Do you love me?" comes
the whisper again, even as the sun dis-
solves the shadows. But their mute and
smiling faces are pitiless. And, my an-
guishes complete, "Do you love me?
implore them again.

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391

PLAYBOY

392

ILLUSTRATED HISTORY (continued from page 298)

“George Lincoln Rockwell sat wearing a Nazi arm
band and had a pistol on the table.”

convention was a cusp of the Sixties,
when sweet peace and love were first
souring and turning bitter, and it's more
symbolic than significant that Hefner
was touched. physically by the change,
and changing mood, because his mag
zine had been on the case very early, and
would continue to be so.

PLAYBOY was the first mass magazine to.
chronicle the emerging drug culture—to

one aspect of times changi

straightforward way. Dan Wa
Prodigal Powers of Pol was years ahead
when it came out in August 1962, and it
remains as complete and fair an ap-

praisal as you can find. rtaynoy has
never advocated drugs but has, rather,
tried regularly to present accurate infor-
mation about them, believing that with
drugs, ignorance isn't bliss for long. In
November 1963, three-part package of
articles ran under the general tide Hal-
lucinogens. Alan Harrington wrote A
Novelists Personal Experience; Dan
Wakefield, A Reporter’s Objective View;
and Aldous Huxley, A Philosopher's Vi-
sionary Prediction. The September 1966
Playboy Interview was with the acid guru
himself, Dr. Timothy Leary.

PrAYBov had also not been afraid to

“And what infuriates me is thai she'd do it for
nothing—she gets her kicks [rom old men.”

provide an early and continuing mass
forum for the strong new voices of civil
rights. In the very first Interview back in
1962, Miles Davis had spoken scaringly
about the ugly inequalities he encoun-
tered in life on the road. The interviewer
was, as we noted, Alex Haley. Not long
after that, Haley did another for the
magazine, that one with Malcolm X. For
the January 1965 issue, he talked with
Martin Luther King, Jr., and in 1966,
he crossed the street into a rough neigh-
borhood to talk with George Lincoln
Rockwell, who sat wearing a Nazi arm
band and had a pistol on a table before
him, saving by way of greeting, “It's
nothing personal, I just hate niggers
Especially in interviews but also in arti-
cles, pLavnoy has been host to a formi-
dable group who have used the guest
souphox one by onc to give their views
оп race. Among many. Jesse Jackson,
Muhammad Ali, Eldridge Cleaver, Nor-
man Thomas, Sammy Davis Jr., Marshall
McLuhan, Bill Cost ian Bond, Ray
t goes on,

individual rights also
a forum for women's
arch 1964 Inter-
tcd basic femi-

made
rights early on. In the M
view, Ayn Rand articu|
nist issues, such as equal pay for equal
work. The December 19 issue carried.
the magazine's first statement favoring
legalized abortion. By the early Seventies,
the Foundation was giving regular grants
jous women’ s-rights projects, and in
January 1973, the magazine published
Seduction Is a Four-Letter Word, an arti-
cle by Germaine Greer about the small
rapes women experience, which ante-
dated Susan Brownmiller's Against Our
Will by about three years.

But what spilled the blood in Chicago
was the black hole of Vietnam, inexo-
rably sucking lives, spirit and money
from the country, into nowhere. Most of
thoz doing the actual fighting had been
PLAYBOY readers before they were so
rudely interrupted, and they continued.
to be in Vietnam. As one correspondent
put it, “If Stars and Stripes was the mag-
azine for World War One, rLAYBOY w
the magazine for Vietnam.” Another said
that like counting rings on a tree, you
could go into any encampment and tell
how long they'd been there by finding
the oldest Playmate gatefold on the

Only superficially was it a cont:
tion that by 1968 рілувох was, by weight
of the opinions published in interviews
and articles, coming out with greater and.
greater - Some-
how, on b
ly for the soldiers who were there, the
actual bodies, while heatedly opposing
the policies that put them there. Most
of the grunts understood, In the late Six-
ties, a few on leave "borrowed" the flag
of the St. Louis Club, sending it back
months later rent [rom a cluster of bullet.
holes—having served as the unoflicial flag

apain in the neck
for Christmas.

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PLAYBOY

394 ett, Dai

for a Special Forces camp somewhere in
the north, In 1966, when Рілувоу was of-
fering a visit [rom a Bunny to deliver the
first issue of a lifetime subscription, a
unit im Vietnam signed up for a col-
lective one—for $150—and PLAYBOY re
sponded by having Playmate of the Ycar
Jo Collins be the Grstcliss mail carrier.
The Huey chopper that took her around
as renamed. in whitewash the Playbo;
Special, complete with dual Rabbit
heads. Betty Grable and Minnie Mouse
of World War Two gave way to Litle
Annie Fanny as the cheery boobsa-lot
mascot painted on the noses of many
52s lying bombing runs on Hanoi.
always, PLAYBOY at once reflected
luenced common feeling in subtle

ling countercurrents that defied
mement but were ther By 1970,
„it was a major voice against the war

ing space to thoughtful dissenters of
ll suipes, including Norman "Thomas,
John Kenneth Galbraith, Senators Wil-
liam Fulbright
Charles Percy. Arnold Toynbee,
liam Sloane Соп and. in two sep
bluc-burning essays—The Americaniza-
tion of Vietnam and The Vietnamization
of America —David Halberstam.

Those pieces didn't always go into the
magazine without a struggle and consid-
crable shouting among the staff before
hand. The younger editors hired in the
Tate Sixties were generally of a Ger-the-
1, whether it was
асіп. Vietnam, pollution, the IRS-
name it. Spectorsky, who ran the
zine on a day-to-day basis, at first fought
strenuously against such dark subjects"
intruding on his light domain. believing
that PLAYBOY should be entertainment
exclusively. But, like the younger ес
and Hefner, who realized that PLAYBOY
was virtually required to be a spokesman

George McGovern and
Wil-

on these issues if it were to continue to
serve its readership, Spectorsky was at last
convinced.

Spectorsky suffered a heart attack

April 1970 and went on extended leave.
Although his health remained uncertain,
and he was failing by slow degrees, he
couldn't manage to keep himself away
from the office entirely. He died in Ja
ary 1972 at one of his favorite pursu
yachting in the Caribbean. H
buried at sca in U. S. waters.
at context, the Playboy Writers
vocation of October 1971 had, be-
yond being the biggest such bash ever,
also been a week-long tribute to Spec-

ts,
body was

torsky, who had lured the first name
writers to rLaysoy back im 1956. The
assembled were another list that wouldn't
quit: Jo heever, James Dickey, Ar-
thur C. Clarke, Bruce Jay Frieda
Tom Wicker, John Chelon Holmes,
rt Buchwald, David H:

m, Garry Wills, John Skow, Se
iolain, Stanley Booth, V. S. Priteh-
enburg, Arthur Schlesinger,

о"

Alan Watts, Ken Purdy, Donn
Ibury, Brock Yates, Shel
Robert Sherrill, Jean Shep-
herd, John Kenneth Galbraith, Michael
crichton, Studs Terkel . . . sex experts
Dr. Mary Calderone, Morton Hunt, Mas-
ters and Johnson, Joel Fort, William.
n ... plus film maker Roman Polan-
artist LeRoy Neiman, others, most of
PLAvmov editorial staff,
friends, wi

Silverstein,

wives,
ter groupies of all genders.

There were panel discussions and for-
mal dinners all week, but it was, in fact,
a blowout on the grand scal iters

who actually write spend so much timc
alone that when they gather in groups,
they are almost pathologi :
Ihe Waiters’ Convocation was à. party,
just as it should have been. It’s not every
an get drunk with Arthur C.
nd ask him what 2007 really
ve elevator doors open to
-]eff combination of
red-haired bean pole
only to realize im double take that it's
Mich: € 1 Roman Polanski
Or witness a Pulitzer Prize winner (no
names, please) two sheets to the wind,
bopping out of a reception with a hand-
ful of cold green Heinekens and a girl
from Reader's Service on his arm. Or
listen to a discussion about prize fighting
between Donn (Cool Hand Luke) Pearce
and poet James Dickey hover on the hair-
line between theory and practice. A
guod time was had.

Spectorsky’s death pulled Hefner. out
of a much-needed semiretirement, or at
least what passed for one with him. He
was still paying attention, but in Febru-
ary 1970, ше Big Bunny had been de-
livered and he and Barbi were soon
traveling all over the w Mexico,
the Caribbean, Hawaii, Europe, Africa,
Then, in 1971, Playboy had acquired the
Mansion West and Hef move
parttime basis,
there, te ys in Chicago. Who could
blame him? The \ West is v
newer version of heaven, a stately piece
of baronial old England ser on seven
acres of hills and tropical gardens, along-
side a dark towering stand of virgin red-
woods that, at one quarter acre, is the
largest remaining im the Los Angeles
It’s right off the hot Mercedes track.
of Sunset Boulevard in Beverly Hills, but
once inside the gate, you'd never know
You have plunged into а green peacelul
dream with an elegant Tudor mansion
at its cente

Back in the real world, Hefner had to
choose a successor to Spectorsky. After
endless long meetings and discussi
settled on splitting the job, naming Rich-
ard Kolf as Assistant Publisher and for
mer Articles Editor Arthur Kretchmer
Executive Editor,

On the surface, eve
peachy in бере AYBOY'S cir-
culation hit a phi 7.200.000 and
Oui magazine, introduced that month,

diately on a

ything looked

nomena]

sold out its entire 800,000 press run in a
matter of days.

But there were hard time:

For one thing, the economy was stag-
gering along even more uncertainly than
usual, lurching in 1973 toward recession
and Machahree inflation. It was arc
ing everybody but was a special kick in
the stomach to the leisure business. Some
days our Miami hotel was a ghost town
of empty rooms, and it was sold in 1974.

About t imc. 100, PLAYBOY came
up against competition of a new sort on
the newsstands. Ever since 1955 or so, the
world had not lacked in imitations (and
parodies) of pLaywoy, One such started
in 1965, Penthouse, was one of the more
ish and humorless imitator
the early Seventies, it was changin
ame somewhat by, simply, being
raunchier than rrAvBoy had ever been—
or wanted to be. And then along came
Larry Flynt with Hustler, who went way
down the line from Penthouse, in the di-
of animablhusbandry films and.
mani butch

rection
color instruction
school.
Apparently, Mencken was still right,
you still couldn't go broke underestim
ing the taste of the Americam. people:
Both Penthouse and Hustler were begin-
to sell in the millions, PLAYBOY"
circulation was affected and dropped
gradually. The decline was real, but not
drastic, and PLAYBOY remained, as it does
lay, among the coumu y лор ten a
ncs in te
other problems, circulation was dow
Accustomed to nonstop growth and suc-
cess, PLAY BOY, with difficulty, reported i
first losing quarter in recent memor
And in 1974, in the midst of those
business hassles, along came the DEA, in
the imposing form of U.S. Attorney
mes Thompson, presently governor of
I Taking om rLaysoy has never
been the worst way for a politician to
get his name in the headlines, and
hompson used it well. It didn't matter
that there was less drug use at the Chi-
cago Mansion than in any reasonably
well-heeled fraternity house at the Uni.
versity of Chicago, nor that Hefners drug
of choice really is Pepsi. For some time,
the DEA had been looking for an excuse
ide and look under Playboy's
it found the handle with
Bobbie Arnstein, Hefner ‘cutive Sec
retary for П years. Her story is too long
and sad and complex to tell here, but it
let her drift onto the edge of a cocaine
deal because she wanted desperately 10
please and hold on to a young man
involved in it. The DEA pounced. Bob-
bie—a slight, hip, smart, funny woman
who was fragile and easily hurt
ally—felt enormous guilt about оре
the door for the DEA. She had attempted
suicide more than once. On January 12.
1975, she died in Chicago of a self.
inflicted drug overdose. Her suicide came
three months after she was convicted and

ms of revenue. Still,

among

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conditioning, or racing mirrors.
The Arrow Sport model pictured

above comes standard with
many features that are optional
on other pickups.

Like an AM/FM stereo radio,
raised white letter tires, a cargo
lamp, sport wheels, and of
course, a snappy exterior decor
treatment,

MILEAGE THAT'S.
AREAL"PICK-ME-UP"
This little truck uses little gas.
Thanks to its 2.6 litre, air

NOW, THERE'S AN ARROW THAT REALLY HAULS.

injected 4-cylinder

engine, Arrow Sport Em
achieved EPA estimates ЕШШ
of 29 miles per gallon

on the =
highway, 21 MPG MPG"
in the city? 2955 Sy

By now you're probably
wondering what it's like to drive
the new Arrow Pickup. Stop
imagining and find out for
yourself. At your Chrysler-
Plymouth Dealer.

"Your actual mileage may vary
depending on how and where you
drive, your vehicle's condition and its
optional equipment. California
mileage lower.

THAT'S IMAGINATION. THAT'S PLYMOUTH.

395

PLAYBOY

conditionally sentenced to 15 years in
prison for conspiracy to transport and
distribute cocaine. Bobbie passionately
maintained her innocence on those
charges, and she was appealing her con-
viction at the time of her death.

Hefner flew immediately to Chicago
and called a press conference. Shocked,
shaken, angry, holding back tears, he
charged that Bobbie's death had occurred
because he had become the target of a
politically motivated" drug investiga-
tion stemming from PLAYBoY s advocacy
of liberal causes such as the National Or-

paring the tactics used in the
investigation to those of the witch-hunts
of the Middle Ages, Hefner blamed Bob-
bie's death on the “incredible pressure”
she had had to endure. “Narcotics agents
frequently use our severe drug laws in
an arbitrary and capricious manner to
elicit the desired testimony for trial. . . .
And when these laws are as sei
some of cur drug laws are, the res
be horrendous,”

Less than a year

DEA
dropped the investigation, for lack of
evidence. But Bobbie Arnstein was still
dead.

In December 1975, Hefner told those

the

later,

the annual shareholders’
has not been an easy year

gathered at
meeting, "Thi;
for the company.

But sometimes

is darkest, etc. In
what the newsweeklies were calling Th
Raunch Wars and The Pubic Wars,
PLAYBOY took a chance and did it right.
After brief indecision, it decided to not
follow the trend toward intrauterine pho-
tographic expeditions and beavers so
split and close up they might as well be
sicak tartare.

As Hefner the 1975 sl
holders’ meeting: "We are moving in
new directions aimed at disassociation
from imitators. We will present sexuality
without vulgarity, Sex will continue to be
an important part of the editorial pa
age, but we are not going to take the
magazine out the window.

By 1976, the decision beg
What had been lost in 5
being regained in record advertising rev-
enue, as advertisers increasingly fled in
flocks from the competition as it got
nittier and grittier. Hefner was able to
say accurately in January, “I think we've
turned the corner.

The October 1975 Sappho pictorial
pointed the way: hot stuff, ten pages of
sisterly love . .. but photographed as in
a vivid dream, more sensuous and ro-
mantic than sexually explicit, and more
of a turnon for being so. Also in 1975,
yoy ran a pictorial of Brigitte Bar-
dot on the occasion of her ng 40
that was, for all its relative innocence,
magnificently sexy. When it came out,
one editor, who'd never done so in ten
years of working there, ripped out the

re-

n to pay off.

396 page of the magazine where she's stand-

ing nude by a stream and stuck it up on
his wall, to stare at for inspiration. In
1976, rrAvmoY revisited another regular
in Incomparably Ursula, discovered sex i
the great outdoors in a 1977 Grand Can-
yon picto d in 1978 pushed to yet
new frontiers with Sex in Outer Space.

Like the pictorials, other areas of the
magazine were changing, also
th, remained true to PLAYBOY. In

fiction, the Names were still there in
abundance: In 1974, rrAYnov previewed
Hunboldt’s Gift, which won a Pulitzer
for Saul Bellow; in 1976, John Cheever's
best-selling Falconer and Alex Haley's
blockbuster Roots; in 1977, The Hon-
owable Schoolboy, the latest John le
Carré; and in 1978, Irwin. Shaw's sequel
to Rich Man, Poor Man, as well as new
stories by Arthur C. Clarke, Paul The-
roux, John Updike, Giinter Grass, V. S.
Pritchett, Gore Vidal, Norman Mailer,

Kingsley Amis—another of those lists.
n Department under Vic-

But the Fict

aider is also actively look-
ing for—and publishing—good younger
as evidenced by Arthur Rosch’s
Sex and the Triple Znar-Fichi in the Sep-
tember 1978 issue and William Hjorts-
berg's two-part Falling Angel in October
and November 1978,

‘The most dramatic change in rLAYBoY
during the. Seyentics may be in the
of nonfiction, Arthur Kretchmer, now
Editorial Director, said recently that he
probably never got over being Articles
Editor. Certainly, during his tenure,
PLAYBOY has hung at the top of the
big leagucs, replacing the celebrity out-
rage of the late Sixties and early Seven-
ngly with tough, probing
Since 19)
there have been two exhaustive nonfic-
tion scrics, the History of Organized
Crime and the History of Assassination
in America, In 1974, PLAYBOY previewed
Woodward and Bernstein's All the Presi-
dent's Men. For their revelations about
the inner Hughes empire in the Septem-
ber 1976 issue (The Puppet and the Pup-
petmasters), Articles Editor Laurence
Gonzales and free-lancer Larry DuBois
won the Sigma Delta Chi Award, about
as dose as journalists get to an Oscar.
And if not precisely probing but just as
tough, PLAvBoy sent former Stalf Writer
Craig Vetter out to kill himself in a
variety of flamboyant ways (including ice
dimbing and wing walking), which be-
me a series of reports in 1978 called
Pushed to the Edge.

The Interviews, now the satrapy of Ex-
ecutive Editor G. Barry Golson, h
been slouches, either.
Tom Hayden sat down to talk
which for her was a litle remarkable,
since a few years earlier she'd sued
rLAYnov for umpteen million dollars.
Like an increasing number of signi
cant voices, Fonda and Hayden real
ized that, like it or not, PLAYBOY has
what one writer has called "tremendous

reach." Given the statistics of pass-along
readership, each issue of the magazine is
scen by approximately 20,000,000 people.
"That's reach. Far enough that the Ap
1976 Interview with Jerry Brown cstal
lished him as a national contender for
the Presidency—at least in the eyes of
Jimmy Carter's advisors, who decided

because of it and the reaction to it to ler
Jimmy be interviewed for the November
issue. He was, and it became the inter-

view heard round the world. PLAYROY
has also published the last known in
terview with Jimmy Hoffa, talked with
Gary Gilmore days before he was shot by
the state and with James Earl Ray in
jail. In 1978, the Interview gave embat-
ded orange queen Anita Bryant enough.
space to tell her story, and last month
went inside John Travolta’s brain to sce
how things looked from there.

We remain on the case.

And, as we said at the beginning, we
feel fine.

In 1977, the boss fulfilled yet another
lifelong ambition as guest host on Satur-
day Night Live—no, not to meet John
Belushi but to sing on a network televi-
sion show. The rumors were пис: He
wasn't bad. And it must have seemed
like old times last August when he saw
the goggling front-page headlines in the
Chicago Tribune:

HEFNER AND PLAYBOY
ACCUSED OF OBSCENITY

А zealous prosecutor in Atlanta was ac-
cusing Hefner of “distributing obscene
materials.” It was a misdeme
Georgia law, but, nevertheless, w:
page news to Hefner's old friend, the
Trib. Apparently, it did not matter to
the prosecutor that a Federal judge in
the Adanta district court had ruled that
recent issues of rrAYBovY and Oui were
definitely not obscene: nor that PLAYnOY
had never lost such a case court of
final appeal. He thought it was dirty,
and that was that. As of this writing, he
still does, and may continue to do so for
some time.

The more things change, the more
they stay the same.

In 25 ycars, Playboy has become an
ternational empire, with foreign editions
of the magazine in Germany, Italy,
France, Japan, Brazil Latin Ameri
Spain and, as of February, Aus

the

Clubs and Resort Hotels have also ex-

panded world-wide—a new Club in Ma-
nila, a casino in Nassau, a planned hotel
on the Boardwalk in Adantic City. The
Playboy Rabbit is certainly among the
most universally recognized symbols in
the world.

And some zealot s
Hefner in jail.

It seems like a portent of 25 more live-
ly years.

Hasc fun. We will.

wants to put

BY HARVEY KURTZMAN AND WIL ELDER.

A PROPER APRES-
SKI CHIC?

O! NOT
NOW, TURKEY!

FANTASTIC

FASHIONS,
DISCO

DANCING,

ANNIE, MEET
MACHO MITCH
ANG HORST THE

JOCK. AREN'T
WE BEAUTIFUL? ?

nE TEET ТТТ u

PLAYBOY

HAVE I
GOT
EVERYTHING?
BOOTS,
ADJUSTED
BINDINGS,

0,
SNOW BUNNY
WITH Mr

MACHO
MITCH LOOKS AT
ANNIE LAST NIGHT

YA, MACHO
MITCH, HE 16 21
BEST. HE LIKES

ANNIE.

Sy». і

MEANWHILE,
I TEACH YOU
SHNEEPFLUG ANC
ZE SHUSS. BUT
NOW, I TEACH
You ZE
SHTUPP,

=THIRD,

I POSITION
Mw POLE

$0— |

З ааъ

JEEPERS,
I WONDER
WHY THE LIFT
OPERATORS
HAVEN'T NOTICED
THE TROUBLE

50 COLO
OUT THERE!

-LEAPIN’
AR

Li , THE
LIFT E pet
„АМ j
THAT А MAN
uae

The Standard of Giving.

Seagram's VO.

Bottled in Canada. Preferred throughout the world.

Enjoy our quality in moderation.
Canadian whisky. A blend. 6 years old. 86.8 proof. Seagram Distillers Co., N. Y.C. Gift-wrapped at no extra charge.

WHAT'S HAPPENING, WHERE IT'S HAPPENING AND WHO'S MAKING IT HAPPEN

GEAR

THINK THIN

T wenty-five years ago, a fledgling PLAYBOY featured Mari- to come: Sharp Electronics’ new superthin EL model that can sit

lyn Monroe as its first Playmate and the family boob tube L-shaped, as shown, or hang flat against a wall. The eight-pound
was built like a box. Twenty-five years later, oh, baby, black-and-white set, which Sharp hopes to introduce by late 1979
look at them now: PLAYBOY is the hefty, handsome publi- or early 1980, has an ultraclear yellowish-orange picture created
cation you're holding and TV sets have screens in a variety of by pulses that alternately polarize and
sizes from postage stamp to more than a yard = 3 depolarize electrodes built into the
wide. Below, you see the shape of TVs SS Ы screen. Pretty Sharp!

DON AZUMA

How did Sharp Electronics Corporation create this revolutionary superthin-screen black-and-white television with its six-diagonal-inch viewing
area? It replaced the cumbersome picture tube with an electroluminescence panel that's only two inches thick, that’s how. Price: about $450.

401

For guys aha want to feel Levis
right down to үс LOC NIE

cotton-pickin,
dirt-kickin
soles. &

QUALIT Y NEVER GOES OUT OF STYLE.

ASHION
BOW TIE ONE ON

he rediscovery of what fun it is to go formal has brought Left: Place your bow tie around
about a problem: There’s a whole generation out there
that never learned how to tie a bow tie. So here’s how,
gentlemen, demonstrated by a dapper fellow wearing a
three-piece formal outfit, by Tyrone, $495; a wing-collar shirt, by
Gil Truedsson, $65; and a pin-dot bow tie, by Vicky Davis,
Ltd., $8.50. — HOLLIS WAYNE

your neck and leave the
right end dangling 17" longer
than the left. Simple enough.

Right: Now slowly cross the
longer end over the shorter end.
and pass the longer end up
through the loop.

Left: Now grab the shorter end
and—here's the tricky part—
carefully form the front loop of
your bow tie with it.

Right: When you feel the loop is
right, hold it with thumb and
forefinger and drop the longer
end over itas we've depicted
here. It's not so tough.

Left: Next, form another loop
with the longer end and pass
this loop behind the front loop
and between the crossed ends
you formed in figure two.

Right; You can easily adjust
your bow tie by simply pulling.
on the loops and ends.

Left: You're ready for anight on
the town. The bow tie being

adjusted around the young
lady's pretty neck, by the way, is
worsted/satin, by After Six
Accessories, $10. (Her tuxedo

vest, American Champagne.) 403

404

GRAPEVINE

They Can't All Be Robert Redford

Our July 1973 Playmate, MARTHA SMITH, was a Detroit model looking for a career in the
movies. We're happy to report she found one. Here are before and after pictures, the larger an
outtake from her Playmate shooting, the smaller (Martha's on the right) from “National
Lampoon's Animal House,” in which she plays Babs, the prissy, stuck-up sorority queen, who
runs off with an “animal” named Bluto, played by John Belushi. Yes, that’s right—John Belushi.

á
g
е
=
Е

Вгеак ап Атт!

Talking with your hands may Бе dangerous to
your health. Ask Italian movie director BER-
NARDO BERTOLUCCI if you don't belit
Bertolucci, best known for “Last Та
and “1900,” was in the midst of filming
luna" in Kome with Jill Clayburgh when he
tripped and broke both of his elbows. Ci-ow!

Talk About Big Apples!

Singer DOLLY PARTON hasreally been around—on our cover, visiting Johnny Carson а!
the Big Apple, where she gave a free concert on the steps of city hall. Her enthusia:
audience included New York mayor ED KOCH, who seems to be trying to measure her bust.
Dolly told плувот last October, "My body is not really as extreme as people make it out to
be. 1 have plenty, but it's not like what people say. ...” Sure, and Koch has a lot of hair.

DAVE PATRICK

“I’m Mad as Hell and I’m Not
Going to Take It Anymore"
Even before the movie “Network” popularized
that slogan, editor-writer and former “Realist”
publisher PAUL KRASSNER was angry. His out-
rage has covered just about every issue from
assassination-conspiracy theory to Patty
Hearst. This photo is either Krassner's fond
farewell to fellow staffers at “Hustler” or his
Ё current opinion of California politics. No mat-
ter. Count on Paulto be pissed about something.

Out for the Evening

Ме don’t know for sure if this photo was snapped at the Paris premiere of “Grease,” but we do know that MARISA BERENSON needs to havea talk with
her dress designer. What with one thing and another, you may not have noticed her escort—singer Joey TRAVOLTA's younger brother, JOHN.

Р
E
$
B
Ў
5
2
E
É

PLAYBOY’S ROVING EYE

Page-Three Girls : 0
America has the gatefold. London | pw X,

has the page-three girl. Every
morning, thousands of Englishmen
get up to peruse the beauties who
bare their breasts in black and
white on the third page of The Sun,
a tabloid published by Rupert Mur-
doch. Here are eight page-three
girls. Hey, Hef, have you ever
considered putting out a daily?

\
amesoma
pu

DENISE PERRY

NICKI DEBUSE

DIANE WEST

COLOR PHOTOGRAPHY BY MICHAEL WILSON

GILL DUXBURY

NINA CARTER

JANE WARNER

JANE CONNORS

408

SEX NEWS.

COP-A-FEELIA FORBIDDEN

Macho, my ass. Mexico City officials
have made a mess of mass transit in an
attempt to protect female subway rid.
ers. It seems that Latin lovers can't

Dukan
have en konssygdom
uden at vide det

254

tal med din lege, hvis du егі мм!

The Danish government now offers stickers
that advise: “You can have V.D. and not
know it. Talk to your doctor if you're in
doubt!" We're not sure these things will
replace Easter Seals, but you never know

resist fanny pinching during rush hour,
so the city fathers decided to try segre-
gating the sexes. Now they reserve the
first three cars of each nine-car train for
the fairer sex and jam the poor men
into the last six cars. If a pervert wants
to pincha fanny, he has to outreach the
long arm of the law. Police patrol the
stations and physically eject any man
trying to slip onto the promised land.

It seems Landlubber Jeans is pulling off the o
new suit. If you want one of these for your wi

How is the experiment working out?
Fine, except, at last report, observers
were trying to explain the sudden
wave of transvestites who cropped up
almost overnight in Mexico City.

MONITORING THE HEARTTHROB

In September, Sex News reported on
an impressive number of psychiatrists
who take a roll on the couch with
their patients. Now we have news
from a pair of shrinks at Vanderbilt
U that personal physicians often fall
prey to the "seductive patient." Psy-
chiatrists Marc H. Hollender and Stew-
art Shevitz interviewed 15 surgeons
and other specialists on examination-
room. romance with female patients.
The researchers describe the seductress
as attractive, outgoing, dressed in vivid
colors, low-cut dresses and lavish make-
up. She comments on the doc's private
life, using his first name, and her fare-
well handshake lingers. The shrinks call
such women “hysterical personalities"
who have little interest in sex. They
barter sex for what it will bring—atten-
tion and indulgences. And the poor,
unsuspecting physician, always ready to
tender help where needed, bristling «
with loyalty to the Hippocratic oath, È
falls into the trap. Gee, sometimes the
risks just seem 10 outweigh the advan-
tages of a medical career.

MA BELL’S RENEGADE DAUGHTER

The way we heard it, Alexander Gra-
ham Bell’s first words over his new in-
vention were actually: “Watson, guess
what I'm holding in my hand." Oh,
well, thanks to the telephone, genera-
tions of deep breathers have been able
to enjoy aural sex and to inflict their
Passion On countless innocent victims.

inal garment-industry scam— the emperor's
т wardrobe, send $1.50 to Landlubber Jeans,

Dept. FB, Box 8006, Boston, Massachusetts 02114. Nothing's always been good enough for us.

Now there's a new twist. When Robert
Scott Hooper and Theresa Holmes—
PLAYBOY'S eyewitness news team—were
down in Miami working on our “Sex
in America” series, they ran into a lady
named Roxanne (below) who operates
a unique answering service called Hot
Rocks. She guarantees that she will get
you off. For $15, you can subscribe to
her program (P.O. Box 9008, Coral
Springs, Florida 33065). On the first
call, Roxanne will find out a new client's
predilections. From then on, he or she
can call any time. Says Roxanne, “This
is for the sexy, erotic, sensual, come-
loving man. 105 a fantasy world where
you can say, hear and act out anything.
that turns you on. I want you to live out

all of your erotic fantasies with me. I
love to get you off and hear you come.
Hopefully, | will go down in history as
the Empress of the Hottest Sensual
Phone Service that was ever given to
man. 1 am usually in a state of perma-
nent heat. Oh, | forgot to mention. 1
am sexy, vivacious, fun-loving, and have
a mouth that you wouldn't believe."
Right. Since Roxanne only takes calls,
she is not breaking the law. It's up to
her subscribers to decide whether it's
better to give than to receive.

THE CURSE OF THE
WORKING CLASS

Here's some bad news for the work-
ing-class hero. University of Sydney re-
searchers think the sperm of lower-class
men may trigger cervical cancer. Statis-
tically, lower-class women are more
prone to the disease than upper-class
women. Why? Since intercourse pre-
disposes women to cervical cancer, the
researchers speculated that perhaps
sperm was involved. They found that
that of lower-class men contained more
of the protein protamine than did the
higher-class type. So the Sydney group
concludes sperm protamine may cause
cervical cancer. No word on why pro-
letariat sperm has protamine in
such abundance. a

-- THE TWO BEST THINGS

When it comes to accuracy, there's just no better
word in watches than Quartz. The most accurate time W
standard a man can put on his wrist.

When it comes to dependability, there's no better
| word than Timex? A word you can depend on for lasting

y durability, traditional good value. Timex value.
ae So now, if you're looking for Quartz accuracy, you

have only to say...Timex.

л ае „ EN

Ж RAN ea

PLAYBOY

410

Desert Boot.
Still making
history.

——

TheBritishArmy com-
missioned Clarks to design a
lightweight, rugged, com-
fortable boot for their men in
North Africa.

Today, Clarks Desert
Boot is still the ultimate in
casual comfort. Made of
supple sand suede...with no
hard edges...and plantation
crepe soles to make you feel
like you're walking on air.

Clarks Desert Boot.
The original is still the great-
est.

OF ENGLAND
Made by skilled hands the world over.
Clarks shoes priced from $25.00 to $55.00.

For the store nearest you write Clarks, Box 92.
Belden Station, Norwalk. CL 06852 — Dept EBPE-1

AT THE REGULAR $2 PRICE

NEXT MONTH:

“STRIKE TEAMS"—WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WHEN THE COM-
MANDOS BLEW THE DOORS OFF THE PLANE. BUT WHO WERE THOSE MASKED
MEN? CUR MAN IN TERRORISM TELLS ALL—BY DAVID B. TINNIN

NEIL SIMON, THE COUNTRY'S MOST SUCCESSFUL PLAYWRIGHT /SCENA-
RIST, TALKS ABOUT NEW YORK VS. HOLLYWOOD, STAGE VS. SCREEN, HOW
HE DEALT WITH THE DEATH OF HIS FIRST WIFE AND HOW HE FEELS ABOUT
HIS SECOND MARRIAGE. TO ACTRESS MARSHA MASON, IN A FUNNY.
POIGNANT. REVEALING PLA YBOY INTERVIEW

“THE FOUNTAINS OF PARADISE, PART TWO"—A RESEARCH TEAM
IS STRANDED IN SPACE IN THE CONCLUDING INSTALLMENT OF WHAT THE
AUTHOR SAYS IS HIS LAST NOVEL—BY ARTHUR C. CLARKE

“THE GIRLS OF LAS VEGAS"—BEHIND THE DRESSING-ROOM DOOR
WITH THE LADIES WHO SET YOUR PULSE POUNDING. A SEVEN-PAGE
PICTORIAL WITH TEXT BY NOTED AUTHOR JOHN SACK

“THE GRAPES OF ROTHSCHILD"—A FANTASY-FULFILLING WEEK ON
THE ESTATE OF BARON PHILIPPE DE ROTHSCHILD, A WINE MAKER FOR
ALL SEASONS—BY G. BARRY GOLSON

“TEN HISTORICAL SEX HANG-UPS"—OUR ANCESTORS’ ATTITUDES
MAKE CONTEMPORARY INHIBITIONS SEEM TAME—BY MORTON M. HUNT

*JOGGER'S JOURNAL"'—ONE MAN'S TONGUE-IN-ADIDAS CHRONICLE OF
HIS UNTIRING (WELL, ALMOST UNTIRING) QUEST FOR RUNNING PERFEC-
TION—BY RICHARD LIEBMANN-SMITH

“THE YEAR IN SEX" —HERE WE GO AGAIN, FOLKS: ALL THE NEWS (GOOD
AND BAD) ABOUT LIFE AND LUST IN 1978. AN IRREVERENT AND LAVISHLY
ILLUSTRATED COMPENDIUM

“CROSS-COUNTRY SKIING"'—WHAT IT REALLY FEELS LIKE, WITH TIPS
ON THE GREAT GEAR AVAILABLE—BY CRAIG VETTER

“DIESELS” —WITH EVERYTHING BEING DOWNSIZED, IT WAS ONLY A MAT-
TER OF TIME BEFORE THE OLD WORK HORSE WAS TRANSFORMED INTO A
FAST-STEPPING PONY—BY BROCK YATES

EXCLUSIVE PLAYBOY INTER-
VIEWS WITH RICHARD PRYOR, HAMILTON JORDAN, STEVEN SPIEL-
BERG, MIKHAIL BARYSHNIKOV AND STEVE MARTIN; TWO PARTS OF
JOSEPH HELLER'S NEW NOVEL, “GOOD AS GOLD’ 'ALL THE BIRDS
COME HOME TO ROOST," AN IRONIC HORROR STORY, BY HARLAN
ELLISON; “SEX IN AMERICA: CHICAGO," PART II OF OUR SURVEY OF
THE SEXUAL TEMPERATURE OF THE CITIES, BY WALTER L. LOWE;
"RAIDING THE CONGRESSIONAL COOKIE JAR," THE BIZARRE,
OFTEN FUNNY TALE OF HOW LOBBYISTS AND OTHERS TRY TO GET THEIR
WAY ON CAPITOL HILL, BY RETIRING SENATOR JAMES ABOUREZK; AN
INTIMATE LOOK AT MARILYN MONROE, WRITTEN BY LENA PEPITONE,
HER PERSONAL MAID AND CONFIDANTE DURING THE LAST SIX YEARS OF
HER LIFE; “INTIMATIONS OF IMMORTALITY,” A PROGRESS REPORT
ON THE ATTEMPTS TO SLOW THE AGING PROCESS, BY RICHARD
RHODES; A REVEALING PROBE OF “THE PSYCHOLOGY OF THE
PROFESSIONAL RACE DRIVER,” WITH A MAN-TO-MAN TALK WITH
WORLD DRIVING CHAMPION MARIO ANDRETTI; “THE LEASER OF
TWO EVILS," AN OUTRAGEOUS TALE ABOUT A MAN WITH A SPLIT-PER-
SONALITY PROBLEM, BY FHILIP JOSE FARMER; AND PICTORIAL VISITS.
WITH “THE GIRLS OF CANADA" AND “FOREIGN FEMMES FATALES.”

» -a
se
CANADIAN WHISKY-ICBLEND + 80 PROOF 7 (TED AND.
BOTTLED BUIHE WINOSOR QSTILLERT СОМРАЙЖЫНЕМ YORK, PLY.
"4 - 2

IMPORTED

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CANADIAN
- с WINDSOR

This Canadian has a reputation for smoothness. х 3

So you won't catch him drinking anything less than the

smoothest whisky around.

Windsor. A whisky made with glacier-fed
spring water and aged in the clear, clean air of the
Canadian Rockies.

- Give Windsor. It's got a reputation for smoothness.

Le Fun Car

Motor Trend took the words right out of our
mouth: “Le Car is practical, supremely com-
fortable, agile and fun...Le Car will afford the
customer more than sheer, dull economy”

Le Car looks like fun.

Right off the bat Le Car looks like no other
small car.The big optional Fun Roof brightens
Le Car's insides even when it’s gloomy on the
outside. And Le Car’s giant rear hatch opens
wide, right down to the bumper. To swallow
even the rewards of a weekend's worth of an-
tique hunting.

Le Car drives like fun.
Le Car’s front-wheel drive, four-wheel

independent suspension, rack and pinion steer-
ing and Michelin steel-belted radials (a com-

bination of standard features other small cars
don’t offer as options), make it a ball to drive.
As well as a pleasure to ride in. As evidenced
by Car & Driver who said that in terms of inte-
rior volume versus exterior space, “there isn't a
car on earth that can match Le Car”

Le Car owners are all smiles.

In four independent studies, Le Car owner
satisfaction was rated an amazingly high 95%.

No wonder. Given all Le Car has going for
it, and its low price, it’s easy to see why Le Car
satisfies. And these days, that's enough to
make anyone happy.

For more information call 800-631-1616 for
your nearest dealer.

In New Jersey call collect 201-461-6000.

Le Car by Renault?

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