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FEBRUARY 1979 • $2.00 


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T ae 


PLAYBOY 
INTERVIEWS 
THE KING 
OF COMEDY. 
NEIL SIMON 


STRIKE TEAMS: 
CAN THE US. 
HANDLE THE 
TERRORIST 
THREAT ? 


IS THERE 
A DIESEL 
IN YOUR 
FUTURE? 


ARTHUR С. 
CLARKES 
SUPER SCI-FI 
THRILLER 


Café 7 


Café 7 will impress the most 
sophisticated tastes. Just add 1% oz. of 
Seagrams 7 to a cup of your favorite 
coffee. Add sugar to taste and top with 
whipped cream. Now that's classy coffee. 
Enjoy our quality in A cow 


Seagram's 1 Crown 4 


xag quality drinks begin. 


classy coffee 


IT’S NOT А COMPACT 
IT’S NOT COMPONENTS 
IT’S AWHOLE NEW THING 


And it's from Sony. It's called our “Со- 
Together” stereo. 

What we've done is organize a complete 
stereo system for you like a compact and offer 
itto you asa whole or in pieces like components. 

Let's go over this piece by piece. First, the 
receiver. It's got Sony's unique "Program Sensor" 
tuning system, which means you can pre-set 
the AM/FM radio for up to ten of your favorite 
stations and mute out stations you don't want. 
How nice! 

Now what makes this unit more than a 
receiver? Well, it has a built-in, front-loading 
cassette recorder/player with component-like 
quality. And, if you prefer 8-track, 


engineered motor as in our best component 
turntables. Plus here's yet another Sony feature 
our Scratchguard cueing which makes it practi- 
cally impossible to scratch your records. And 
what touches your prized records is the best: a 
diamond stylus magnetic cartridge. 

When it comes to selecting your speakers, 
we give you a choice of three sets. That's be- 
cause we know everyone's idea of great music 
is different. But regardless of which set you 
pick, you can be assured of getting that famous 
Sony sound 

And the piece that pulls the "Go-Togethers" 
together is our handsome wood grain finish 


X cabinet which was designed 
you can get that instead. Your | y cd specially for our new system. 
choice of built-in cassette re- You see, we told our engi- 


corder/player or 8-track is some- 
thing you usually don't get with 
components. 

OK, nextthe turntable. It's 
semi-automatic, direct drive 
and has the same specially 


y neers to come up with a system 
that would be as easy to buy as a 
compact, but that sounds like 

components. And they did. 
We weren't kidding when we 
said it was a whole new thing 


Ss 


“IT’S A SONY.” 


PLAYBOY 


Golden Lights PLAYBILL 


weather are turning your thoughts to warmer climes. So, as а f- d 
Is of Las Vegas. One usually f 


thinks of Las Vegas as someplace where people spend a lot of 


public service, we present The 


money, but, as you will see, it is also a place where some 


5 


somely attractive women spend a lot of time. We sent 
1 author John Sack 


appreciative of the assignr 


the girls’ story. He was duly 


not 


nt, saying, "I'm happy to report 


\ 


1 


that there isn't a girl in the layout whose beauty is only skin- 
deep. They have beautiful souls, every one." Master lensman 
R. Scott Hooper and his inspiring assistant Theresa Holmes were 
able to coax the girls out of their clothes and onto film, for 


which we are all in their debt 
Also, to take your mind off winter, we offer the concluding SACK 
part of Arthur C. Clarke's space epic, The Fountains of Para pem 


dise, which will be published by Harcourt Brace Jovanovich 


It ha 
pel the р 


єп, of course, one of our abiding passions to dis 


| X) If you have wanted to fly off somewhere, but you worry 
| [s about hijacking, David В. Tinnin's Strike Teams, written with 
$ © David Holevy, may set your mind at ease. In it. he describes the Y 
Ta B crack commandos who know more ways of foiling terrorists 
5 2 than D. В. Cooper has pocket change. These guys are good 
b j G And, we suspect, Tinnin's analysis of their skills will do 
ol И E more for international air travel than Sir Freddie Laker j 


thora of sexual misunderstandings that keep us 
from having a truly giddy love life, However, it occurred о TINNIN GOLSON 
us that our modern sexual misconceptions are a good deal 
more benign than what our forefathers and mothers had to 
endure. Merten М. Hunt, who really он think about these 
things, compiled history's all-time carnal howlers in his Ten 

ў Historical Sex Hang-ups, hilariously illustrated by Derek Pell 

$ There were times in the past when men could live civilized 

® lives, amass sizable sum’ з леу and find happiness tilling 
the soil, Executive Editor б, Barry Golson, in The Grapes of 

Р 8 Rothschild, found. someone who still lives like that. Baron 
Philippe de Rothschild is the perfect 19th Century. gentle 
man whose soil produces what many consider the best wine 
on the planet. Golson several days as the good Baron's 


guest and has been impossible to deal with ever since. Herb 


Davidson's portrait of Rothschild accompanies the piece 


You know those funny engines that used to go pockets 
pocketa when you kicked them over? Well, diesels have come 
a long way, baby—they've found homes in luxe Cadillacs and 
zippy VW Rabbits. Brock Yates details the phenomenon in 


Rudolf Die 


itative 


and offers ап author 


What You're Missing, 


to what's uf 


th diesel wheels. 


If you're a winter sportsman, check out our feature on 
Cross-Country Skiing. We show you the gear and Craig Vetter 


gives you the how-to. For some sportsmen, however, snow is 
VETTER 


just a ined nuisance. Richard Liebmann-Smith’s Diary of a 
Mad Jogger det 1 
wall.” Jo-Ellen Trilling, an award-winning artist, provided the 


s one man's attempt to crash thro the 


accompanying soft sculpture 


Marlboro 


LIGHTS 
100v 


America needs every chance it can get to laugh, and the 


ts fair share 


Carter Administration has not been providing 


Lucky for us, Neil Simon is on the case. Lawrence Linderman con 


ducted the Playboy Interview with one of our funniest 


natural resources and discovered that Simon takes his craft 
very scriously, As does photographer Ron Vogel. Matter of fact 
he sometimes takes his work home with him. Vogel did a lush 


shooting of his daughter Alexis for a feature titled, appro 


"Source of all ‘tar and nicotine disclosures in this ad is either FTC Report May 1978 or priately enough, Father Knows Best. And, finally, Senior 
FIC Method, OF All Brands Sold: Lowest tar: 0.5 mg tar’. 005 mg. nicotine av pet Warning Tha Surg | Editor Gretchen McNeese, Assistant Photography Editor Patty 
Cigarette, FTC Report May 1978, 

Golden Lights: 100's-10 mg. 


Beaudet, Assistant Editor Tom Possavent and Senior Art Director 
Chet Suski have whipped up The Year in Sex—a bare stew of 


That Cigarette $ 


.9 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC Method. 


те 4 
BEAUDET, SUSKI, MC NEESE, PASSAVANT TRILLING 


last year's news on everyone's favorite subject. Dig in 


vol. 26, по. 2—february, 1979 


PLAYBOY. 


CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 


COVER STORY 

Candy Collins, a former Chicago Bunny of the Year, stars in an update of a July 1964 
cover designed by former Associate Аг! Director Reid Austin. In 1964, Austin drew the 
lipstick Rabbit on cover girl Cynthia Maddox’ tummy (a historic moment pictured in last 
month's 25th Anniversary Issue), and this year Executive Art Director Tom Staebler did the 
honors to Collins’ anatomy—obviously a return navel engagement. 


Strike Teams 


Vegas Delights 


Horizontal Fun Р. 98 


PLAYBIL. оаа анана sao 8 TR йж өш а m 3 
THE WORLD ОЁ PLAYBOY, ai 0:0 cate CREER UNE ce susie tm RR жже 9 
DEAR PLAYBOY... oy еа 19 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS Scio инсаннан аага 27 
DOORS sternis ariasi riein ana А 32 
MUSIC 33 
TELEVISION ...... ICE RE ET TI ERI 36 
MOVIES еее акка Y бажа aya € 9 анана 38 
ПАЮ эз» tile tabi) uere e onu to КЕ сення 42 

43 

THE. PLAYBOY ADVISOR а. 742» «e m Ear ааа 45 
THE PLAYBOY: FORUM а: SE Es esses. SF 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: NEIL SIMON—candid conversation ... 57 


America's most popular playwright talks about why some of his plays now 
bore him, how he wrote The Goodbye Girl and the problem with critics. 


THE GRAPES OF ROTHSCHILD—article С. BARRY GOLSON 80 
As Baron Philippe de Rothschild’s guest at Chateau Mouton, the author finds 
that fine old wine goes well with fine old money 


FATHER KNOWS BEST—pictorial 84 
Would you let your daughter pose nude for pLavsoy? Not only has photogra 
pher Ron Vogel done just that, he’s taken the pictures himself! 


STRIKE TEAMS—article DAVID B. TINNIN with DAVID HALEVY 90 
If you're ever in a terrorist-hijacked airliner, these ore the guys who'll probably 
get you out of it alive. Plus a hard look at the equipment used by both sides. 


NEON TURN-ON—modern living ES sa Moe odis буга 95 


cat-atoe’s has found a new home in the living room 


CROSS-COUNTRY SKIING—sports CRAIG VETTER 98 
An answer to the burning question: What can joggers do when there's snow on 
the ground? And the gear with which to do it. 


OUR FAIR LADY—playboy’s playmate of the month ASAS 
British transplant Lee Ann Michelle has o fascinating accent to go with her 
royal attributes. 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor ........................... 114 


THE FOUNTAINS OF PARADISE: 

FART TWO—GcHON ia s oneness von in end ARTHUR С. CLARKE 116 
In the gripping conclusion of what the sci-fi master has called his last novel, 
the completion of the “stairway to heaven" brings that veteran space traveler 
death into the picture. 


THE WINNING OF THE VEST—attire -DAVID PLATT 119 
Seems like old times, what with short collars, thin ties and, especially, vests 
returning to the fashion scene. 


Nifty Neon 


TEN HISTORICAL SEX HANG-UPS—article » MORTON M. HUNT 125 
If you think they had better sex in the good old days, read this and you'll 
realize that our ancestors were lucky to be doing it at all 


DIARY OF A MAD JOGGER—humor . -RICHARD LIEBMANN-SMITH 129 


The inspiring story of one man's struggle for physical fitness 


Sexy Year 
THE GIRLS OF LAS VEGAS—photo essay JOHN SACK 131 
In the Land of Odds, even a tin woodman's heart would skip a beat ot the 

sight of these ladies. 


A WARNING TO VIRGINS AND YOUNG MEN 
ABOUT A CERTAIN VILE PRACTICE—ribald classic 


THE YEAR IN SEX—pictorial ; 146 
Disco madness was the keynote, public nudity was big, and when we published 


Baron Ground 
our pro-football-cheerleaders pictorial, some of the team owners yelled "Foul!" 


RUDOLF DIESEL, 

WHAT YOU'RE MISSING!—modern living BROCK YATES 158 
From the truck stop to suburban garages, the sturdy, miserly diesel engine has 
come a long way. 


REMEMBER YOUR RUBBERS—nostalgia 162 
There was a time when a condom container was a work of art 

PLAYBOY. FUNNIES ROY BEA RRS aS haa айке» 166 

PLAYBOY'S PIPELINE . aa aaa өл EP DO IE ER EOS DOLI E “+++. 171 
Man & work, auto clubs, clothes care, small-claims court, 

PLAYBOY: POTPOURBE. з», у eso view’ IRA EH Rs ntm „+... 188 


PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE , 
Nifty gadgets, warm blankets, sharp knives. 


PLAYBOY 


For color reproduction of Wild Turkey painting 


Wild Turkey Lore: 


The Wild Turkey is one of the 
heaviest birds capable of 


flight. Yet it is unusually fast. 


The male bird has been 


clocked at speeds as high as 


55 miles per hour. 
As America’s most 


treasured native bird,the 


Wild Turkey is an apt 
symbol for Wild Turkey 


Jourbon—America's most 
treasured native whiskey. 


WILD TURKEY/101 PROOF/8 YE 


© 1977 Austin, Nichols Dist 


19" by 217 send $2 to Box 929-PB, М 


PLAYBOY 


publisher 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
ARTHUR PAUL art director 

SHELDON WAX n 

GARY COLE photography editor 


ng editor 


С. BARRY GOLSON executive editor 


TOM STAEBLER executive art director 


EDITORIAL 
ARTICLES: LAURENCE GONZALES editor; FIC- 
TION: VICTORIA CHEN HAIDER editor; STAFF 
TERRY CATCHPOLE, WILLIAM J. MELMER, 


CONTRIBUTING 
NAT HENTOFF, A 


RANGE, RICHARD 5, ROBERT 
DAVID. STANDISH, BRUCE WILLIAMSON. (mi 
WEST COAST: LAWRENCE $, DIETZ editor 


ART 
anaging director: LEN WILLIS 


; BARBARA 
HOFFMAN а; 


PHOTOGRAPHY 
MARILYN GR ski we 
COHEN, J 
WAYNE 

rowrro 


st editor; jerr 
edi 


kr CHELIUS adı 


PRODUCTION 
JOHN MASTRO director; ALLEN VARGO man 
ger; ELEANORE WAGNER, MARIA MANDIS 


JODY JURGETO, RICHARD QUARTAROLI assistants 


READER SERVICE 
JANE COWEN SCHOEN manager 


CIRCULATION 
RICHARD SMITH. director; J. R. ARDISSONE news 
stand sales manager; ALVIN WIEMOLD subscrip 
tion manager 


ADVERTISE 
HENRY W. MARKS advertisin; 


ADMINISTRATIVE 
MICHAEL LAURENCE busin 


ger; PATRICIA 


? 
DRED ZIMMERMAN ad, 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
DERICK J. DANIELS president 


HIGH BIAS. 


These cassette deck manufacturers use SA 
as their reference for the High(Cr0.) bias /EQ setting: 


AIWA - AKAI • CENTREX ° JVC 
KENWOOD : MERITON - NAKAMICHI 
OPTONICA : PIONEER : ROYAL SOUND 
SANSUI : SHARP ° TEAC ° TOSHIBA 
UHER : YAMAHA 


And are joined by these 
in recommending SA for use in their decks: 


BANG & OLUFSEN : DUAL: FISHER 
HARMAN/KARDON : LAFAYETTE 
SANKYO : TANDBERG 
AND MANY OTHERS. 


"There's been a quiet revolution going on in the cassette world. O Leading makers of quality 
cassette decks have adopted TDK SA as their reference standard tape for "High" (CrO2) bias and 
equalization settings. Why TDK SA? Because TDK SA's advanced tape formulation and super 
precision cassette mechanism let them (and you) take full advantage of today's advanced 
cassette deck technology. О In addition, a growing number of other companies are recommend- 
ing SA for use with their machines. Г) So for the ultimate in cassette sound and performance, 
load your deck with SA and switch to the "High" or "CrO2" bias/EQ settings. You'll consistently 
get less noise, highest saturation and output levels, lowest distortion and the widest dynamic 


range to let you get the best performance from any У TDK 


quality machine. O But you needn’t believe all this 
The machine for your machine. 


just because we say so. All you have to do is check 
our references 


TOK Electronics Corp., 755 Eastgate Blvd., Garden City. N.Y. 11530. 


The Rabbit Diesel 
runs a mile, and burns 
about 1.3 cents’ worth 
of fuel 


Compared to that, you're 
a guzzler. 

If you weigh 150 pounds, 
you'd burn around 90 cal- 


ories per mile. Figure 

thatas a mere fourth of a 

fast-food cheeseburger, 

and it comes to about 
18 cents. 

Factis, if you 

were a саг 

lllyou couldn't 


afford you 

So, don't walk, Run fora 
Volkswagen Rabbit Diesel 
According to the 1979 EPA 
Mileage Guide, our Rabbit 
Diesel gets the highest 
mileage in America: A whop- 
ping 50 MPG on the highway, 
40 MPG in the city, using a 
4-speed transmission 

(These estimates may vary 
depending on how and where 
you drive, optional equipment 
and your cars condition.) 

In addition to giving you the 


best run for your money, the 
Rabbit Diesel doesn't require 
conventional tune-ups. There's 
nothing much to tune. No spark 
plugs, points, condensers, or 
carburetors. 

Like all diesels, the Rabbit 
| has a great reputation 
Ability. But unlike many 
diesels, the Rabbit Diesel re- 
sponds like a shot from a gun (0 
to 50 MPH in 11.5). From its rack- 
and-pinion steering to its 
front-wheel drive, there's not a 
sluggish bolt in its body. 

Obviously, all cars run on 
some kind offuel. So do you. But 
what you save with a Rabbit 
Diesel, can fuel you with steak 


VOLKSWAGEN 
DOES IT 
AGAIN 


THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY 


in which we offer an insider look at what's doing and who's doing it 


HEF HUDDLES WITH GERMAN PUBLISHER 


PLAYBOY Editor-Publisher Hugh Hefner met recently with PLAYBOY's 
German Publishing Director, Dr. Manfred Hintze, at Mansion West. 
The German edition is one of eight foreign editions of PLAYBOY. 


Left, singer-sports fan Vic Damone arrives for the fight festivities. Below, 
Playmate of the Year Debra Jo Fondren hugs host Hugh M. Hefner; Shel 
Silverstein (right) meets Mark (Star Wars) Hamill and Marilou York. 


STARS COME OUT FOR SECOND ALI-SPINKS MATCH 


Large-screen telecasts of heavyweight championship fights are a tradition 
at Playboy Mansion West, and the second Ali-Spinks go was no exception. Left, 
actor Clint Eastwood has a warm greeting for July 1978 Playmate Karen Morton. 
Armchair judges included (below, from left) actor David Janssen, quarterback 
turned actor Joe Namath, comedian-director Dick Martin and Ronnie Caan. 


MUSIC IN A GOOD CAUSE 

Playboy execs Dan Stone and Christie Hefner show Dick 
(American Bandstand) Clark some of the instruments and 
records given by Playboy employees to the Les Turner A.L.S. 
Foundation to assist victims of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. 9 


njoy | 
‘the taste of 


country fresh 
“Salem. 


Country fresh, menthol. 
Mild, smooth and refreshing. 


PM Enjoy smoking again 
Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 4 J y g 9 у 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health ; 
: ; EKING: 16 mg. “tar”, LI mg. nicotine, BOX: 18 mg. "ta", 12 mg. nicotine, av. per cigarette, FIC Repon MAY 78 


THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY 


Ka. ONE Wolfschmidt Vodka. Wut 


ee e і 
The 1978 edition of the I 
The ere, ton ol e | The spirit of the Czar lives on. 
zine, Dateline, had a very 
familiar look. It was pub- а 
lished by PLAYBOY using 
the format of the magazine 
tight down to a Playboy 
Advisor column and a 


center spread featuring a 
clothed Barbara Walters. 


It was ithe time of "War and 
Peace! "The Nutcracker, 
Suite!’ Of Tolstoy and 

- Dostoevsky. 

PHILIPPINE FIRST LADY AT CLUB OPENING : \ i 


Yet in this age when 

Manila, capital of the Philippines, is the site of the newest Playboy р legends lived, the Czar stood 
Club. Among those on hand for the opening were Playboy executive > M like a giant among men. 
Dan Stone and Imelda R. Marcos, wife of President Ferdinand Marcos. зь |, ША bend an iron bar 
on his bare knee. Crush a 
silver ruble with his fist. He 
had a thirst for life like no 
other man alive. 

And his drink was the toast 
of St, Petersburg. Genuine 


Vodka. 
BLEACHER BUM USES PLAYBOY DODGE Ple has changed since 
à 1 the days of the Czar. Yet, 
Chicago's Organic Theater's hit production of Bleacher Wolfschmidt Genuine Vodka 
Bums features a scene in which one of the “Bums” pre- 


tends to be a scout for PLAYBOY—to get the girl, of course. 


is still made here to the 
same supreme standards 
which elevated it to special 
appointment to his Majesty 
the Czar and | 


the Imperial P: 


VISIONS '78 DANCES АТ L.A. CLUB 


Visions '78, a disco dance revue, does its stuff above at the theater party 
for the premiere of Bully, starring James Whitmore, at the LA. Club. 


Romanov Court. 

A Wolfschmidt 
У Genuine Vodka. 
The spirit of the 

А Czar lives on. 


| 


[ШЇ 


GENUINE 
WEST COAST JAZZ 
At the Monterey Jazz Festi- 
val, to which Playboy con- 
tributed, Playboy Executive 
Vice-President Richard S. 
Rosenzweig (center, above) 
chats with festival organiz- 
er Jimmy Lyons and jazz- 
man Dizzy Gillespie. At the - 
L.A. Club, Jazz at Five jam HOPE PLAYS AT GREAT GORGE 

sessions are in swing each ч 

first and third Tuesday; 


UNI Comedian Bob Hope's one-nighter at Playboy's Great Wolfschmidt 
here's your chance to join \\\ К 


Gorge Resort pulled an S.R.O. audience; above, Hope 1 t а V ак; 
Bunny Shannin оп drums. takes a tum on the golf course along with Bunny Shelly Product of U.S.A. Distilled from grain + 80 and 100 proof * Wolfschmidt, Relay, Md enuine Vodka 


THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY 


4 


MANSION WEST WELCOMES 600 TO BENEFIT 


Six hundred guests showed up at Playboy Mansion West for 
the Rainbow Women's Group's Hooray for Hollywood dinner 
dance, which raised $122,000 for the Amie Karen Center for 
the Treatment of Children with Cancer at Cedars-Sinai Med- 
ical Center. Below, Norm Crosby with Hef, Sondra Theodore. 


The Hooray for Hollywood guest list was studded with the stars of hit 
television shows, including ABC-TV's popular Soap cast members ` 
(above, from left) Billy Crystal, Robert Guillaume and Cathryn Damon. 


3 J = 


"A 


CAPTURE THE SPIRIT OF EAGLE RARE. 
s THE ONLY 101 PROOF BOURBON AGED 10 YEARS. 


Like the bird it was named for, Eagle Rare 
is incomparable, 
The vety finest Kentucky Bourbdn ever 


Connie Stevens (left) sang for the Rainbow 


audience, which also included Linda (Alice) "ví ted , 
Lavin and Bonnie (One Day at a Time) - е created. 4 " | 
Franklin (above); actor James Farentino Our 10 long years ofiaging and careful зар 
and his actress wife, Michele Lee (right). testing produce a uniquely smooth | 
The Rainbow Women's Group operates a $ and mellow flavor йо опе else can equal. Ду 
Beverly Hills boutique to aid the center, Eagle RaréiWe challenge anyone to Gi | 
1 mateh pur Spirit. RARI 

CBS CHECKS IN ON CHEERLEADERS I ? ме 

David Dow interviews Hef for The CBS Evening News y ONE AND YOU'LL KNOW 

with Walter Cronkite on December's pro-cheerleaders story. IT'S EXPENSIVE. 

D 
4% A €. 


N Du 


ч soared merica by the ( thousands. Today, fewer than 1100 breeding pairs survive south of 
Apte EA AA ; Берүү he maa es == SESE 


In the Mansion West Game House, pinball wizard Hefner applies a à UR 
deft touch and body English to Bally's new Playboy machine. / “Җа 
{ К 


THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY 


МІСКІ MAKES SINGING BOW 

March 1977 gatefold girl Nicki Thomas 
her singing debut in a surprise ap- 
p on Wheeling, West Virginia, 
radio station WWVA's Jamboree USA; 
that’s Nicki with Jamboree guest star 
Tom T. Hall, the country singer, below. 


Y 4 E : 


PLAYMATE UPDATE: 
PATTI'S ON THE GO 


Our 1977 Playmate of the Year, 
Patti McGuire (right), has been 
busy lately: dating tennis great 
Jimmy Connors (in the photo 
at left, 1978 Playmate of the 
Year Debra Jo Fondren makes 
it a trio), posing for a Southern 
Comfort holiday ad (below). 


SUSAN GOES TO THE RACES 


World-champion auto racer Mario Andretti 
relaxes with January 1977 Playmate 
Susan Lynn Kiger before the Toyota 
Grand Prix race at Watkins Glen, N. Y. 


BE MARCY, ROSANNE 
MEET NEW MEN 


Miss October 1978, Marcy 
Hanson, has been on the 
tul good bit lately; at 
left, on The Dating Game. 
Meanwhile, in New York, 
the folks at Dudley- Ander- 
son- Yutzy agency thought 
it might be fun to introduce 
Cosmopolitan's September 
Bachelor of the Month, 
Subaru of America's vice- 
president/director of ad- 
vertising and public 
relations Alan B. Ross, to 
Miss September, Rosanne 
Katon. So they did (right). 


ИЕР. = л. 


DEBRA JO CHARMS MERV 


Here's Debra Jo again (below), this time 
hugging lucky talk-show host Merv Grit- 
fin prior to making a special guest ap- 
pearance on a segment of his syndicated 
TV show at Caesars Palace, Las Vegas. 


Rem Le 


When it comes to 
all-around performance, 
nobody out-performs 
Suzuki 

Case in point: The 
GS-1000E. 

First off, it's very nimble, In 
fact, it handles better than any- 
thing this side of a mega-buck 
Toad racer. Reasons are many. 
Multi-adjustable rear shocks 
and tront air forks, light but 
rigid chassis, stuff like that. 

Secondly, it's very quick. 
Nice thing is, its mighty 4-stroke 
DOHC engine delivers smooth 
power for touring as well as 
awesome acceleration for 
passing. 

Finally, it's as well- 
equipped as it is well- 
engineered. For starters, there's 
electric starting. For stoppers, 


Master Charger. 


and a big disc in back. Other 
high standards include sporty 
mag-type wheels, high per- 
formance tires, custom saddle, 
electric fuel gauge, Halogen 
headlight, and electrical ter- 
minal for accessories. 

Now you know why the 
GS-1000E is one of the world's 
great performers. 


Suzuki. 
The performer. 


Ride safely: wear a helmet, eye protection and appropriate riding apparel. Member Motorcycle Safety Foundatio; $ 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 


That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health 


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ТАЈ 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


ADDRESS DEAR PLAYBOY 
PLAYBOY BUILDING 
919 н. MICHIGAN AVE. 
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 


GERALDO RIVERA 
In the middle of Geraldo Rivera's in. 
terview (pLaynoy, November), I find my 


self shocked at his comment really 
think of the power of the media as al 
most a fourth branch of Government. I 


definitely think of it as the executive, the 
legislative, the judicial and then the me- 
dia.” Yes, the medi 


re powerful, but 
they should use their power independ 
ently. It is frightening to consider any 
utterance of the media as that of a fourth 
branch of Government. It is more fr 
ening to hear Rivera say хо, The d 
of the press becoming а branch of Gov- 


ernment can clearly be seen, If the ex 
ecutive branch can veto the legislative 
branch, surely the executive branch can 
veto the “media branch.” For the sake of 
the incisive reporting he is so good at, 
Rivera should put away any thought of 
the media as a fourth branch of Govern. 
ment, and then do his best as a reporter 
and commentator to make sure it never 
happens. 

Kirby Neumann-Rea 

Albany, Oregon 


Apparently, the new journalism as de- 
fined by Geraldo Rivera and approved 
by his peers at The Washington Post and 
The New York Times is to suppress or 
play down the violent oppression insti 
tuted by left-wing dictators in order to 
use of the moment 
If that is the case, then I suggest that 
Rivera be sent to Cambodia to report on 
the agricultural reforms undertaken by 
Khmer Rouge. When he comes back with 
his "friendly" camera and commentary 
wizardry "proving" that over 2,000,000 
Cambodians died of the bubonic plague 
instead of at the hands of the Khmer 
Rouge, he can the to Cuba and “in- 
terview" its "happy" workers. The late 
Hucy Long once commented that if 
America ever went fascist, it would be 
called antifascism. The Washington Post, 
The New York Times and Geraldo 


advance the media 


Rivera lend considerable weight to the 
Huey Long observation. I am a Geraldo 
Rivera fan when he deals with drugs. 
poverty and the cruel behavior of too 
many custodial institutions; but any sup 
port of any dictator, for any reasc 
me morally repugnant. 1 am for damn 
sure a minority in the media, but I felt 
that way before I ever wrote a newspaper 


column. No number of wine-and-cheese 


p 


ties will make me change my mind 
Mike Lavelle, Columnist 
Chicago Tribune 
Chicago, Ilinois 


Rivera confirmed what I suspected 
after reading the November interview 
when, in an on-thescene report on the 
San Diego PSA crash, he said, “A piece 
of debris came within 15 inches of miss 
ing" his head. He does have a big head 
Larry D. Sorrell 


Kinnear, Wyoming 


Geraldo Rivera, I think you're abso. 
lutely sensational! And, PLAYBoy, you're 


sensationa 


for continuing to pre 
sent dynamic, intelligent interviews 
month after month. 

May Bright 

Los Angeles, California 


515, BOOM, АНН! 

After reading your Playboy After 
Hours article titled “Athletes and Sex" 
in the November issue, 1 felt that I 
had to respond. While we all must have 
respect for Freud's contributions to the 
field of clinical psychology, I cannot he Ip 
but feel that this is another example of 
his theories, appropriate to a bygone era 
of sexual repression, being misdirected 
by oracles of а dying philosophy to im. 
press the lay folk with the all-per 
ness of subconscious sexual explar 
for human behavior. Somehow, I be 
licve that. Reggie Jackson, Jean Claude 
Killy, Jimmy Connors, Jack Nicklaus and 
Lee Roy Selmon are aware, even at a 


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subliminal, subconscious level, of thc 
difference between what they do on their 
respective athletic fields and in their re- 
spective bedrooms. As for the spectators, 
there is, indeed, vicarious participation 
No one really questions this. Nonethe: 
less, I am an avid spectator of 


sional sports, but if I were unaware 


the differences between a good football 
d fuck, I would be a very 
lonely and frustrated person 
Mitchell A, Sabshon 
Forest Hills, New York 


me and a g 


I find it hard to believe that a group 
of psychologists and psychiatrists could 
honestly come up with the bullshit pre 
sented in the “Athletes and Sex" article 
My question is, Who financed. those 
studies? Ge 


I can make up perverted 


bage, too. Did you know sipping soda 

pop through a straw was a hidden mean- 

or penis envy? What a crock! 
Michael I 
Neenah, Wisconsin 


ir 


MARVELOUS MONIQUE 
I've heard the old wives tales that 
state that masturbation will cause warts 
and/or blindness, but I never knew that 
there was one that said, "Reading 
rLavnoy will cause cardiac dysfunc 
tion"—until now, that is. My heart is 
still skipping beats after viewing Miss 
November. Monique St. Pierre gets my 
vote for Playmate of the Century. May 1 
please see more of her 
Rich 
Allston, Massachusetts 


xlman 


Bravo on another fantastic issue! The 
November issue is a classic that will be 
remembered here at Austin House for a 


long time to come. Your selection of 


written. material is great, as usual, and 


that, coupled with your foxy Bunnies, 
reassures us that PLAYBOY is in a class all 
its own. By the way, we wouldn't mind 
another peek at Monique St. Pierre! 
Wow! It's her type that keeps us coming 
back! 

Austin House 

Southern Connecticut State College 

New Haven, Cc 


necticut 


As a subscriber of yours for 
tions, E truly believe that Miss Monique 
St. Pierre is the classiest to grace your 


ry егес 


centerfold thus far 
Mitch Evans 


Baton Rouge, Louisiana 


Your luscious November Playmate 
Monique St. Pierre, has convinced me to 
give skiing a try this winter. И 1 can find 
some “slopes” as tempti 


ıs she has, T'I 
һауе no problem at all. 
David Woodward 
Fairfield, California 


1 am an avid photographer and I 
would like to convey my congratulat 


to Tom Staebler, who photo; 
cover of your November issue. Monique 


phed the 


St. Pierre's eyes seized my attention im 
mediately and completely 
Bob Papp 
Clemson, South Carolina 


As I was paging through the pictorial 
of Monique St. Pi 


notice that there are no shots in which 


rre, 1 happened to 


эш can see flesh below her knees. Is that 


c 


acidental or is there somethir 


with her le 
beautiful 


gs? I hope not; she is too 
Tim Worrell 
Tuscaloosa, Alabama 
We can guarantee there is nothing 

wrong with either above or 


Monique 


below her knees. She simply likes to keep 
her feet warm. You can understand that, 
can't you? 


WE BLEW IT! 

Congratulations to Dan. Carlinsky for 
his excellent The Great Sixties Qui 
(rLAvnov, November). However, the last 
line in Easy Rider was not "We blew it 
The shotgun-toting redneck spoke the 
last line after blowing away Dennis 


| In its March 1978 issue, PLAYBOY 


zine used the name Tom Swift, | 


and in the July issue of PLAYBOY used 
the name Nancy Drew with 


or obta 


ıt seeking 


ning any approval. PLAYBOY 
m 
our position that Nancy Drew and 


| and on the cover of its July 1978 issue 
| zine has now been informed of 
Tom Swift are our exclusive prop 
erties, associated with children's sto 
ries, and PLAYBOY has extended, and 


we accept, its apologies for any dis 


od will and in. 


gement of the 


ity of these ch 


cters that might 
have been caused by such use of the 

| names by PLAYBOY 

| Stratemeyer Syndicate 


back 
d К. Herndon 
Dallas, Texas 


We'd better g 


task: What was the last lin 
Peter. Fonda? But even if 


had, you would have been wr 
last line was: “I'm 


get some he 
J. A. Henning 
Ashtabula, Ohi 


Dan Carlinsky didu't have one Beat! 

question, not even one! For shame 
Douglas Sind 
Gahanna, Ohio 


NO TRUCE YET 
Dan E. Moldea's article in. your No 
e (The Hoffa Wars) is so ful 


of speculation, innuendo, conjecture а 


vember is 


hearsay (“There is evidence th 


lead to the possible sion I 


surprised you decided to publish it 
To call this investigative journalism is 
an affront to any hard-working, com 
petent and responsible investigative re 
porter in the profession 

Brian К. Bug; 

Staten Island, New Yo 


Without dwelling on the notorious 
McClellan Committee or the person 
vendetta of Robert Kennedy а 
my Нона, there shouldn't be a person 


ains Jim 


in America who doesn’t realize tho: 
McClellan-Kennedy all 
most 


tions were th 


hoddy attempt to vilify pe 
since Joe McCarthy. Dusting off those t 
true. alle 


tions as а new exposé reek 
of McCarthyism and McClellanism korn 


in. You have to ask why these sensa 


tionalist fiction writers can't take thei 


allegations to a law-enforcement body 
to a court of law. The obvious ans 


is that the allegations can't. hold water 


and they know it. But America’s 2,000,000 


Teamsters ce nly ar 


rt going to bu 
this round of the big lie, just as th 
didn't before, And it certainly doesn’t 
add to the credibility of erAvnov to 1 
a participant in it 
Bernard Henderson, Press Secreta 
International Brothe 
Teamsters 
Washington, D.C 


od of 


I want to report one glaring 
has little to do with Hoffa other thar 
throv 
in 


гери 


Moldea's constant sprit 


М events—real or imagined—oll th 
on of that late "Teamster 
dent. On р: 


ge 268, in the last paragray 
of the third column, he says that the mas 
sive demonstration "also became а pro 
ons." In fact, E has 


thousands of newspaper stories, all ar 


test a 


inst Fitzsimn 


ranged in chron order, and no 


where does any of them show that u 


protest was a protest against Fitzs 


mons. However, some truckers in some 
meetings did rise up and speak ou 


nst Fitzsimmons, who most member 


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feel is inept and stupid. Since I was the 
prime organizer of the entire truckers 
shutdowns, I ought to know what hap 
pened. So for Moldea to say that “the 
leaders of the shutdown һай aligned 
themselves with H 
a lot of Moldea's rhetoric. Moldea seems 
to want to hang his article and his book 
on some magical, ghostlike aura of Hoffa 
ed, according to him, virtu 


is as accurate as 


that domin: 
ally every activity of every trucker, even 
including the independents who staged 
the shutdowns and who, virtually t 
man, had little respect for Hoffa and 
even less for Fitzsimmons. Moldea is a 
likable guy, he seems to have charisma 
and I wish him well in his new-found 
career аз a fiction writer. His Hoffa Wars 
is а movie on paper 


xd enough to ex 


cite the masses, bad enough to excite me 
Mike Parkhurst, Editor-Publisher 
Overdrive magazine 
Los Angeles, California 
Moldea documents his article thus: 
“Parkhurst is wrong. An article in The 
Detroit Free Press on February 6, 1974 
details how the shutdown evolved into a 
protest for Hoffa and against Fitzsim 
mons. This story was confirmed to me by 
the leaders of the shutdown in Detroit 
William Anderson and Mitchell Miller 
(for footnotes and quotes, see pages 336 
338 of my book ‘The Hoffa Wars’). Re 
garding Hoffa's involvement in the 
shutdown, I cite an article written by 
Parkhurst in the March 1974 issue of 
Overdrive in which Hoffa is quoted as 


supporting the cause of the owner-opera 
tors’ protest. Finally, Parkhurst was not 
the leader or the main organizer of th 
1974 shutdown. The chairman of the six 
member steering committee—of which 
Parkhurst was а member—that guided 
the protest was William J. Hill. Hill, as 
the chairman of both the Fraternal Asso- 
ciation of Steethaulers and the National 
Independent Truckers Unity Committe 

has been Parkhurst’s archrival since th 
1974 shutdown, About the two other let 
ters: P am prepared to document my 


work in open court.” 


GRADING THE GRADS 
As a college senior who soon must 

face the prospect of finding gainful em 
ployment, I agree completely with Ben 
Stein's excellent analysis, Growing Poor 
by Degrees (rtavwoy, November). When 
1 think of all the irreplaceable hours of 
youth I have lost to Aquinas, Milton 
Rabelais and such, all 1 can do is slowly 
shake my head. As to the value of more 
vocationally oriented subjects, having 
the right father or uncle is worth more 
than the finest Harvard business degree 

Tom Rombouts 

East Lansing, Michigan 


self-esteem is so low 


Perhaps Stein’ 
that he still be 
the man, when, in reality, those who 
went out and fought for every cent they 


eves that money makes 


jun. pos Jor 


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PLAYBOY 


24 


ever owned know it's quite the opposite. 
Those three glowing examples of those 
who made it big overnight give the read 
indication of the 
umount of work, energy, failures and 
frustrations that preceded the "over 
night" fortunes that seemed to have 
come so easily! 


er absolutely no 


Douglas Laurence 
New York, New York 


Stein's article implies that education 
cheats those who seek it and fails to re 
veal that he actually cheated himself, If 
he and his fr 
opportunities available to them and al 
most everyone, or if they didn't have the 
guts and the initiative to wy the uncer 
tain and the risky, it's their fault, not 
the college system’s. 

Deborah Schalter 

Mansfield, Pennsylvania 


nds failed to recognize 


When Stein talks about the inability to 
capitalize on Rousseau and Balzac, he 
merely displays a profound, if I may use 


that word, misunderstanding of educa 


ind education 


tion. The basis of learning 
is the ability to transfer the skills in 
volved t x 
In that respect, education differs from 


ny field of human 


training, which teaches people how to 
repeat the same activity. I confess myself 
а loser by Stein's standards, though not а 
deceived one. 1 value my college educa 
tion; it is a gift that has given and will 
keep on giving through the bad times as 
well as the good and can never be taken 
away. Would that it had done a fraction 
ıs much good for Stein 
Paul Carolan 


Newmarket, Ontario 


FRUIT OF THE VINE 
Just wanted to let you know I think 
the Grapevine section of. rtavsoy has 
been excellent cach month 
Bob Jones 


San Jose, California 


Glad you like it, Bob. 


BUNNIES OF ‘78 

Your pictorial on the Bunnies of 78 
(vLaynoy, November) is fantastic. Espe 
cially Kelly Murphey. We would surely 
like to see more of Kelly in upcoming 


issues. 


Upper South Wir 
Men's Dorm 
College of the Siskiyous 
Weed, California 


lot of beau- 
zine before, 
but 1 believe that Monica Barry is the 
best yet. 


Man, oh, man, I've seen 


tiful Bunnies іп your mag 


Jim Morgan 
St. Louis, Missouri 


In my years of reading PrAvnov, I've 
never seen any sexy navels. Your London 
Bunny's (Pamela Bunn, page 135) is the 
d only half of 


first one I've really seen, a 


it. Why no Bunnies or other women with 
outies instead of innies all the time? 
Robert Thomas 

New Milford, Connecticut 
Rob. There are three outies 
in that pictorial. We may be guilty of 
tokenism, but hardly of discrimination 


Come on 


get a chance to see 


ance of beautiful girls. But 
after seeing Cheryl Furuya in your No 


Living in Florida, 1 
ап abu 


vember issue 
seem to stack up. 


all of the others just don't 


Dave Ruston 
Key West, Florida 


Cheryl Furuya is by far the most beau 
tiful girl featured, She should next bi 
featured as а Playmate 
Patrick Varty 
Fullerton, California 


I think Susan Crane from Miami is 


one of the sexiest girls ever to hit your 


pi 

left too much to the imagination 
Bradley Lokken 
Spartanbur 


Don't tax your imaginat 


Unfortunately, her only picture 


South Carolina 
1, Brad; ow 


guess is she's an innie 


CONTEST WINNER 

I was a winner in the local Dolly 
Parton lookalike contest 
very interested in your October Playbo 
Interview with her 
and 1 quote, "They were the biggest 
bunch of pigs 1 ever saw, most of them. 


ind so I was 


Miss Parton. stated. 


Being a winner myself, I disa 


closed is my photograph taken s 
after | won the Dolly Parton looks 
contest here in Mobile. Do you think I 
look like a pig 


Helen Iannazz» 
Mobile, Alabama 


A HEAVENLY STORY 
My husband and I couldn't wait to 


get the November issue so we could finis! 


Angel, by William Hjortsberg. 
We thoroughly enjoyed this clever. mur 


Falling 


der mystery. It was one hell of a good 
ending! 
Cindy Haynes 
Rowayton, Connecticut 


he second in- 


I just finished readin 
stallment of William Hjc 


Ingel and found it to be one of the best 


risberg's Falling 


stories I've read in your magazine (ог 


quite a while. It had me completely con 


fused until the end, which tied every 
thing together quite nicely. Oh, by the 


way, it 


wht me completely by surprise! 
Richard Finn 
White Plains, New York 
stulations 10 William Hjort 


Cong 


berg—he has made me a believer in 


PLAYBOY once in 


Name withheld by request 
New York, New Yoi 


HEAD COUNT 

Miter reading your recent article High 
on The Hill (vtavnoy, November), 1 find 
it rather disturbing that our representa 


tives are heir Out 


o uncommunica 


of all of our Senators 


ind. Cong T 
а measly 22 percent had balls enough to 
reply to your survey, Personally, I would 
like to know how many heads we have in 


our heads of state, 1 would also like to 


congratulate Congressman Pattison for at 
least tak ı stand on the issue. Our 
other representatives might find it advan 


tageous to do as well once in a while 
Bruce Herdt 
Bloomin 


ton, Indiana 


WHAT'S DOWN, DOC? 


Here is a carrot that was grown in 


den 
Ted T. Galaske 
Bridgep 
Better rate that garden PG at least, 
Ted. Your carrot shriveled a bit en route, 
but then it docs get a little cold in those 


our family g 


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PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


GARDEN POOP 


Those of you who want the very best 


or your garden should be advised 


te when the Ringlin, 


Bailey Circus is in 


exotic man 


cisco after its run there. The by-produ 


of crc ? elephants, dc 


horses, camels, Hamas, donkeys and other 


inimals are described by the circus’ pro 
fertilizer, 


since the animals have a rich and varied 


moters as “premium-quality 


diet” that includes hay and grains, as well 


ıs “apples, carrots and other 
What this means to you, as a 
that not only is this material high in 


nitrogen, phosphorus, calcium and other 
valuable minerals but also, unlike farm 
manure, the promoters c it is un- 


adulterated by insecticides. 
h. The 


There is 


warning, th 


stuff has to age for several mont 


Lit " 
ou can spread it on your uns 


сй 


plants, But if you have ige 


pace, the circus people suggest that a 


plant treated mel manure can go 


1 


ays without water 


E 

As we all know, feral burros in the arid 
sections of. Western. America are propa 
ıting at a breakneck speed. Their rate 


of reproduction is so great that they dou. 


ble their population every four to six 
cars. As one U S. park official eloquent 
ma H If we 


we'll be up to our 


put it 


lon't c 


E 
In Columbus, Georgi i 
oudly displays a sign that 


pair shoy 


саф», А GOOD PLACE TO TAKE A LEAK 
. 

t beyond 

1, Illinois 


many 


Mangling a 


ition 


metaphor alr 
е Waukeg 
reported that 


voks may be a rule of th in the 


kitchen, but when it comes to preparing 
for a wedding, you need all the help you 
ın get. Cynthia Н. Brown was lucky 


She had plenty of fingers in the pie and 


all of them were talented. The result was 


a family affair that зей into а memo- 


rable event for the bride and her bride 


ably, thou only when 


TOO! Presu 


о be his turn 


THE SKIN TRADE 
As you enter Dr. Norman Orentreich's 
Fifth Avenue office, don't be surprised to 
find Mick or Bianca Jagger in the wait 
ing room. Or Helen Gurley Brown, Art 
Garfunkel and Jack Nicholson thumbing 
through magazines. 


And don't be sur 
prised to hear a majordomo of the 
New York Stock Excha 
ing, "Soap. 1 need soap! 


literally cry 


" before a gallery 
of nurses. 
staff of 


Dr. Orentreich, along with hi 


80, runs the largest private dermat 


logi 
cal practice in the free world, an island 


for acne, herpes, hair transplants and 


estrogenic vaginal creams, Two d 


ago, he invented the hair transplant and 


pioncered early cosmetic treatments. Now 


the grand old man of the skin trade, he 


has a suspiciously full head of distin 


ved gray hair and a clear, tanned 


complexion. As one former nurse sum 


marized the d doctor: "He is an utter 


perfectionist, He's obsessed with keeping 
the Beautiful People beautiful. A pimple 


wly, а pimple bothers the king 
of Mor 
troubled folk whose egos will deign to 
pay the estimated $4,000,000 to $5,000,000 
Orentreich. will bill in this year's skin 
game 

Pimples. The Pilgrims didn't worry 


about pimples, 


too—among the fleet of skin 


Orentreich insists as a 
skin-cancer patient is readied on a table 
in a farther room. "I don't care if it's the 


U.S. « 


Israclites returning from 
Egypt—when a society has leisure time, it 
can afford to think beauty. That's 
America 


Take Russia, by compari 


culture where everything's common de 
nominator,” he continues. "Only fiv 
years ago, 56 years after the revolution. 
Russia. planned its first cosmetic surgical 
hospital. 


lion dollars a year on hair products alonc 


Americans? They spend a bil 


Friends of mine, like 


has two of the most beautiful feet in 


Truman Capote 
who 
the world, by the way—says he gives cos 
metic sponges to people as birthday pres 
ents. Cher even hands them out to kids 
on the street. Where else does that hap 
pen? India 

The skin game is omnipresent and lu 
crative. But it has its drawbacks. Two 


years ago, singer Kitty Kallen won a 


judgment from Orentreich and а phar 


al manufacturer after she devel 
oped lung clots as a direct result of an 
estrogen drug Orentreich’s clinic pre 
scribed to free her of certain small wrin 
kles. The court awarded her $300,000. 
There is no drug that doesn't have 


а side effect,” Orentreich states. “People 
developed clots before estrogens were ad. 


ministered. With estrogens, you won't 


PLAYBOY 


be iy younger 
meno. 
sal proi юй evi | 
Чепсе tha u have yearly. Th 
› weigh risks and benefits for each crowd is ne 


Alor 


Orentreic 


patient th 


from now 
Go figure. 1 


reatments for 


GUEST LECTURE 


cial skin-rel 


Everybody's 


The 


we sec 


WHY | LOVE THE O'JAYS By Reggie Jackson 


wing on i lit 


dating a gir 


came out, She left r 


i oth 
en I work, I'm a 
round. During th 


She's О Wo 


а bitch to 
all season 


int m 


99 percent of th 
лу. With all t 


H is ; i 
P | On the way up the work may not get easier 
" ы оде: but the rewards get better. 


12 YEAR OLD BLENDED SCOTCH WHISKY, 86.8 PROOF BOTTLED IN SCOTLAND. IMPORTED BY SOMERSET IMPORTERS, LTD. N.Y. 


30 


that I don't know of anyone who had the 
strength for that—even if he had the will 
power and the desire. 

PLAynoy: How did you get your 
the President 
use your feminine wiles? 

COSTANZA: Oh, no. With Carter, it's facts. 
that make the difference. 

vtov: Did you ever advise the Presi- 
dent on his wardrobe? 

COSTANZA: Absolutely not. That was his 
own personal responsibility—or Rosa 
Iynn's—but certainly not mine. However, 
I did, on occasion, say, "Hey, you really 
look super." 

PLAYBOY: Did Amy ever come to you 
with girl problems? 

COSTANZA: No. 

PLAYBOY: Were there any dress codes in 
the White House? 

COSTANZA: None. I wore pants suits when 
1 felt like it. 1 would not, however, dress 
the way I felt if I thought it would be 
insulting to a group or to the occasion I 
was involved with. However, I did wear 
jeans in the White House. I didn't feel 
wearing jeans was being disrespectful to 
the place where 1 worked. It was simply 
more comfortable. 
PLAYBOY: In retrospect, 
anything differer 


ay with 


would you do 


of course not. I would 
like to repeat everything I did over and 
over again until 1 get it down right. See, 
it's like celibacy; I still haven't got that 
do 


Costanza; The 
there's one thing Jimmy Garter has 
complished since coming to the Wh 
House, it's having made the country into 
a total entity. So there's no longer such a 
thing as Southern gentleman 
Northeastern gentleman. 

PLAYBOY: Are the Southern accents prev- 
alent in the White House actually caused 


versus 


"s much more tenseness 
than relaxation at the White House. 

rtAYnoy: What would you like to accom- 
plish now that you are out of the White 


1 want to study the cloning 
business. And then have myself cloned 
0 times and spread around the country. 
nov: Does one develop an ivory- 
tower attitude when one works in the 
White House? 

COSTANZA: People force that on you— 
the idea that you're different because 
* working there. People on the out- 
side were always trying to tell us that 
now that we were at the top, there was a 
special way we must act, talk and an atti 
tude we must have. I never evaluat 
that way. My sense of humor, my infor- 
mal irreverence is just me. Just like it 
was for the rest of the senior staff. Those 
who preceded us protected the title at 
any cost; but to me, respectability is 
more important than the title. Our prede- 


cessors аге all making millions of dol- 
lars writing books about how wonderful 
0 to the White House a 
they changed after they got there. I doubt 
that any of us will do t 
PLAYBOY: Do you h y advice for 
women who want to go into politics? 
Costanza; Oh, yes. We have to just flood 
the market. When we start appointing 
and electing mediocre women, then—and 
only then—will we have achieved equali 
ty with men, 


it was id how 


ve 


. 
pitalist pigs have long 
regarded the People’s Republic of China 
not so much as а large collection of god 
less Commies as a huge market for West 
ern goods. But the Chinese 


Running-dog c 


language 


does not seem to assim 
well as it produces polit 
example, if Pepsi 


1 slogans as 
ones. For 
pla were to use 


former slogan "Come alive with Peps 
it would translate, accord The 
Miami News, into Mandarin Chinese as 


"Pepsi brings your ance 
the grave.” Well, at least it doesn't say 
anything about the Gang of Four. 


SUMMER AND SMOKE 

The summer of 1979 looks to be the 
highest yet, if you're traveling to Jamaica. 
For the past three years, Jamaica's tourist 
moguls have been secking new ways of 
luring fore to the island's 
foundering economy. And last summer. 
a group of hip young music promoters 
and government officials discovered that 
marijuana and music, combined with hot 


sun, cool blue water 
ticket, is a very prof 

The 1978 experiment was Reggae Sun 
splash, a neatly packaged week of sun, 


surf, music and marijuana aimed directly 


rum, moonlight se 
as much of Jama 
as humanly possible without fe: 
thrown into an island dungeon. 

The four promoters described Sun 
"great experiment,” a test to 
rijuana and music could bc 
ibined without hassle as a viable tour- 
ist attraction. And guess what? It worked 

The week-long extravaganza, held in 
an old cricket ground converted into an 
outdoor music hall and dope den, trans 
formed tiny Montego Bay into a 24-hour 
aday grass smokers’ paradise. Loca 
children roamed the crowd, hawking pea- 
nuts and three-dollar Baggies of freshly 
cured ganja. Perpetually stoned Ras Ta 
farians im Haile Selassie T-shirts came 
out of the hills to set up wooden shacks 
selling bush-weed pot packaged in old 
newspapers, footlong joints and bizarre 
tea concoctions guaranteed to keep one 
stoned long enough to believe Haile 
Selassie was, indeed, the reincarnation of 
Christ 

“I couldn't smoke it all," gasped one 
weary Philadelphia long-hair, 
by the fact that he had to give away a 
half pound of potent Lamb's Breath 
rding his flight home 
tilla of dealers just smiled and 
ars, which 
as much on the 
maican money black market. 
stand moved some 1200 ba 
the festival's closing night. 

Local police were given specific in 
structions not to arrest anyone for sell 
or smoking marijua Absolutely no 
one will be arrested for ganja,” said a 


of being 


saddened 


counted. thi 
are w 


high-level tourist-board official, obviously 
thrilled at the 


festival's success, “Un- 
lon't want to over 
e the sensitive fact that ganja is 
available, but we are telling 
t all they have to do is be 


openly 
Americans tl 
cool and nothing will happen. 


“It worked," grinned promoter Don 
тееп, “It really worked, In 1979, we 
tend to d expand the 
festival. Maybe hold it on a beach, turn 
nual Third World music and 
And marijuana is cert 
part of the Third World culture." 


advertise 


“Tiny” Smith, a free-lance law 


cher, claims that there 
law still on the books stating t 
two railroad trains meet at a crossing. 
each shall stop and neither shall proceed 
until the other has gone.” 


. 
The new Somerset Pla 
in Ha X, Nova Scoti: 


through its doors "pass some of Halifax" 
more interesting business people. Pro 
fessionals, adult couples young and old 
who spend as much time on each other as 
they can." And, at the same time, they're 
gettin hell of a tax advantage. 


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so you'll never hear anything 


pata ed 


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This hair-splitting accuracy helps give the RD5350 
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0.05% WRMS. And lets the drive system ignore line 
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Naturally, the RD5350 has one of the most rug- 
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مھت مم Н‏ 


BOOKS 


ecrets (Stein & Day), by Е. Lee Bailey, 
S isn't а bad novel, It’s a rather un- 
complicated crime mystery about a hot 
shot trial lawyer who gets framed for 
murder and uses every strategy to defend 
himself, The plot holds together pretty 
well, though the characterization is cliché 
prone; there is even an occasional bit of 
good writing, but it rarely lasts. Secrets, 
on balance, is essentially a device to ask 
some subtle legal questions. As a novelist, 
Bailey makes a great lawye 

. 
The purpose of Donald Barthelme's 


short-story collection Great Days (Farrar, 
Straus & Giroux) is to scare the shit out 
of us. Barthelme writes strange stories. 
Do not read him if you are about to go 
to the dentist. 

Of the 16 stories here, seven are dia- 
logs, conversations between casually iden 
tified people. "Say you're frightened 
Admit it," begins а story called Morning 
What follows is a list, really, of fearful 
things, Not melodrama, not train wrecks 
and plane hijackings, but the small, vital 
fears of daily life: “I'm frightened. By 
flutes und flower .. By 
plants, people who 
think too fast, vestments and bells." An 
analysis of fear, with the understanding 
that there is no logic to it, which makes 
it all the more frightening 


irls and siren 


coffee, dead hangi 


If you have the courage to read him, 
Barthelme is also а funny man. In one of 
his stories, The Zombies, he constructs a 
travelog set in a primitive country. There 
are all the trimmings 
а zombie named Gris Grue, natives and 
drums, But Barthelme has fun with 
One zombi 


bish 


р, a village, 


creeps around sticking a 
rectal thermometer into the cattle in the 
corral, Another describes the zombie diet, 
which includes Wheatena, fried perch 
and eggs Benedict. Perhaps most fright 
ening is the line that ends the story 
If a bad zombie gets you, he will 
make you walk past a beautiful breast 
without even noticing.” See why Bar- 
thelme makes us shudder? 
H 

Few first novels have had as successful 
a prepublication history a» Lucian К. 
Truscott IV's Dress Gray (Doubleday). 
Months before its release, its paperback, 


movie and 


oreign rights were sold for 
a whopping $1,500,000. Truscott imme- 
diately became a literary figure to be 
reckoned with—and the envy of every 
writer who has dreams of making 
ing on a first novel. Much of this bally 
hoo distracts from а real evaluation of 
the book, which follows West Point cadet 
Ry Slaight’s investigation into the death 
of another cadet, David Hand, After he 


learns that Hand’s supposed “accidental 


Bailey's novel cops a plea. 


As a novelist, Bailey's 
a good lawyer; as a writer, 
McMurtry needs a good editor. 


McMurtry goes Hollywood. 


death” by drowning was actually a mur 
der committed by the victim's homosex- 
ual lover, Slaight comes up 
series of labyrinthine evasions and cover- 
ups that shroud the murder їп а fabric of 
military-political maneuvering 
the book, though, 
the late Sixties 
graduate of the academy, is on his 
firmest grou 
found sense in which West Point is not 


Point itself duri 


4 when describing the pro- 


a place but a way of life. 
the sort of discipline and 


humiliation cadets undergo m 


wonder why anyone would put up with 
all that crap. But, at its best, the novel 
explains how seductive military logic can 
be, how its exercise becomes for some 
soldiers an almost mystical fascination. 
H 

Larry MeMurtry's new book, Som 
bedy's Dorling (Simon & Schuster), does 
something 


s the 
movie-Hollywood-glitz set gently. Gently, 
that’s the word, ‘The way you would tre: 

an old, sad, crazy dog you've had around 
fo which can't learn. anything, 
maybe never knew anything, acts fool 
ish, causes trouble—but, hell, it's your 
dog. It is a tender book, and that, 


ard to envision, It trea 


in short, is what keeps it going. McMur 
try is quite prolific (this is his eighth 
book), but he still has not solved a cen- 
tral problem. He has brilliant ways of 


putting things ("He had passed throug 
the Sorbonne on his way to becoming 
punk 
stutters, trips, disconnects and. generally 


and yet his overall narrative 


falls over backward when it comes to 
I rhythm and the sense one likes to 
have, when reading, that the writer is in 
control of the language. The sound « 
McMurtry's words brings out the edite 
in the least meddling reader. And yet 
he has been doing it quite successfully 


for years: maybe it's intentional. Some 
body's Darling is no exception. It's 
book that makes you want to tke the 
author in and give him chicken soup. 
But is it art? 


. 
“The need to shoot pool can be a 
fearsome itch,” writes John Grissim in 


Billiards (St. Martin's Press), and it’s 


obvious, was his need to capture in print 


the lore and lure, legends and lies, hus 
uers and heroes of the world of the 


felt. Grissim really loves the ga 
pocket billiards; he delights in describ 
ing the ornate pool parlors of the 
past, then reminisces about a night 
in Pon 
defeated the house ch 


anak, west Borneo, when 


he 
Ho, under 
ly turning ceiling fan. There are tales 
of by 


ipion, Mr 
ked light bulbs and a slow 


nes, descriptions of cur 
rent players (including the real skinny 
on Minnesota Fats) and more historical 
anecdotes than you can shake a cue 
stick at 

When finished with Billiards, we'll lay 
odds that you'll be 
little nineball or rot 
can sav Willie Mosconi. On the way 


ut the door for a 


эп faster than we 


however, you might pick up a copy ol 
Byrne’s Standard Book of Pool ond Billiards 
(Harcourt Brace Jov 
Byrne. It’s а straightshooting guide to 
all cue games fr 


wich), by Robert 


basic to advanced, 


with more than $50 illustrations. 


MUSIC 


lutist Jean-Pierre Rampal is always 

looking for new fields to conquer and 
when he finds them, conquer them he 
does. This time, he teams up with harpist 
Lily Laskine on Sakura: Japanese Melodies 
for Flute and Herp (Columbia), and the 
result is an unqualified success. Rampal 
and Laskine make the transition from 
East to. West. seem effortless as а 
flight on the Concorde and as sumptuous 
as a crossing on the QE2. The works span 
about a century's time, beginning in the 
1860s, and have that timeless quality 
about them that can probably be ascribed 
to the unsophistication of the Occidental 
car. Whatever the reason, they make for 
delightful listening. 

. 

‘So all of a sudden, I'm in the record- 
production business—and it's great, you 
know, because it wasn't intended, it was 
just one of those things that happened 

“But I've always had a very keen busi- 
ness curiosity, and I've always tried to 
make sure that's taken care of first. Until 
I ran into the right people to work with, 
I had to be bandleader and business 


manager, too, but it wasn't something 1 


wanted to do, just something that was 


necessary.” 

Auired in his jogging suit, Maurice 
White sits on a cushion before the fire 
place at one end of his elongated livin 
room and speaks softly. The bookshelf 
behind him, bearing volumes by assorted 
chroniclers of the mind from Jung to 
Crowley, would not immediately tell you 
that he is the leader of Earth, Wind & 
Fire, the R&B supergroup whose stag 
show defies belief, whose audience and 
music both defy с 
records routinely sell over 2,000,000 
copies, making it Columbia Records 
top attraction. 

or would it suggest that he is head of 
а nascent musical empire that includes 
Kalimba Productions—named after the 
electrified thumb piano, an. instrument 
of African origin, which Maurice plays 
and which contributes to Earth, Wind & 
Fire’s distinctive sound; Kalimba's ban- 
ner has already flown over hits by The 
Emotions, D. ]. Rogers, Deniece Wil- 
liams and Ramsey Lewis 
label called ARC, distributed by Colum- 
bia and featuring several artists formerly 
on that label, including the jazz group 
Weather Report and, of course, Earth, 
Wind & Fire itself. 

White has spent the past three weeks 
in the studio, recording music for the 
next Earth, Wind & Fire album—lyrics 
will be added later, when the chord 
structures have suggested images and 
phrases—and he has come for a day of 

revitalization” to his Carmel hilltop 
home, an “old country house," circa 
1930, which he has painstakingly rebuilt 


gorization and whose 


and a new 


Rampal, Laskine wax Japanese, 


East meets West 
via flute and harp; a visit 
with Earth, Wind & 
Fire's Maurice White. 


White lights our Fire. 


and furnished with a 
od-ribbed arch vaults їп 
his living room and the parquet floors 
rnished with Oriental rugs cr 
sense of opulence with a minimum of 
material. A Yamaha grand piano and a 
listen mutely 


Chinese wo 
White expla 
the two new ones that 
for his younger 
1, the bassist and the drummer, re- 
spectively, of Earth, Wind & Fire (Ver- 


ljoin it—homes 


footsteps by becoming a 


are still under construction. 


"We're putting down rock and build- 
ing walls, and it goes on and on and on." 

Finished or not, it’s a long way from 
Memphis, where Maurice, a doctor's son 
and the oldest of nine children, was born 
32 years ago, where he started singing 
in church at the age of six and where he 
took up instrumental music after being 
inspired by the shiny uniforms of a local 
drum-and-bugle corps. 

l's also a long way from Chicago, 
wher teenaged staff drummer with 
Chess Records in the early Sixties, he 
got to record with such stars as Chuck 
Berry, Muddy Waters, Еца James and 
Ramsey Lewis ("Chess Records was my 
university,” he chuckles). 

After following the Chess job with 

three years on the road as Ramsey Lewis? 
drummer, White moved to Los Angeles, 
where he endured some hard times be- 
fore assembling the first version of Earth, 
Wind & Fire, which, in turn, made two 
jazzinfluenced albums for Warner Bros. 
before undergoing a radical change of 
membership, shilting to а more pop- 
oriented style and switching to Colum- 
bia, Since then, under Maurice's canny 
leadership—"Just common sense,” he de- 
murs—the group has done nothing but 
grow in stature and popularity, while 
other talented R&B groups of the same 
generation have either slid into obscurity 
gotten mired in clichés. 
Earth, Wind & Fire's appearance in the 
film version of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely 
Hearts Club Band, singing its own ver- 
sion of Got to Get You into My Life, 
coupled with the success of the record, 
exemplifies the way Earth, Wind & 
Fire, while retaining its original black 
audience, has also infilwated the white- 
dominated hierarchy of rock. 

"In starting out, groups have a tend- 
ency to be very raw, and I think this 
rawness has a tendency to attract a lot of 
cars," explains Maurice. "But you see the 
flaws in yourself and you try to straighten 
them out. When you do, you tend to lose 
some fans. But then you gain some others. 

“I don't really know what's going to 
be a hit and, to be frank about it, it 
doesn't matter а hell of a lot to me. 
What's important is doing my best each 
time I go in the studio, and taking 
my shot. 

One thing that hasn't changed about 
earth, Wind & Fire is the content of the 
group's lyrics—the message has always 
been spiritual uplilt and positive energy, 
that anyone in tune with himself and the 
universe can be happy, сап be а star. 

“When we started out, our audience 
was a black audience,” White explains, 
and we've always had a tc 
bility to our people; to try to 


ог 


al responsi 
still some 


type of confidence, to instill some type 
of initiativ 
Now our responsibility is to everybody ” 

If his mission is frankly evangelical, 
White—a п vondrinking veg- 
etarian who gets a kick out of studying 
ancient cultures—does not admit to 


to push and motivate them. 


smokin; 


being relig 


is. "I don't belong to any 
ion and I don't preach reli 
gion to anyone. My whole thing is basi 
cally evolved around self-confidence and 
self-belief." 

It’s a self-confidence that was boosted 
the night Maurice, then a student strug- 
gling to get gigs around Chicago, sat i 


denomin: 


with John Coltrane—"You can be as 


as you want to be," Coltrane told 
him afterward—and that has always been 
nourished by his close relations with his 
siblings: “We have always pushed one 
another; even now, 
other know we care 

Advised how coincidental it seems 
that the oldest of nine kids would be- 
come the guiding spirit of a nine-man 
musical group, White chips in with the 
information that nine is also his shoe 


as adults, we let each. 


size 
Evidently, it’s his lucky number 
CARL PHILIP SNYDER 
. 

Rock "n' roll still survives—though it 
is breathing fitfully—in England. Rock 
bands keep on playing ın old Blighty 
and there are even a few singers who 
wen't trying to sound like the Chip 
munks. Racing Cars is a traditional five 
n rock g 
and a sir 


pup: drums, bass, two guitars 


who doesn't just fade into 
the production. On Bring On the Night 
(Chrysalis), its music ranges from the 
sweet title ballad to the straightahead 
rock of Traveling Mood to the reggae 
influenced Takin’ On the World. Given 
the fact that it is almost impossible to 
get on the airwaves unless you have a 
string section backing you, the d.j.s will 
probably pick up the title song or Good: 
hye Yesterday from this album, That 
means that most people will miss the 
drive of Racing Cars’ rockers—and some 
fine guitarwork by Ray Ennis. It's a 
shame The times call for a whole lot less 
of Jesus and a lot more rock ‘n’ roll 
" 

Deborah Harry, lead singer for 
Blondie, sounds a lot livelier to us these 
days She is definitely по Bumstead, 
Blonde and . . . arranged, to be sure, but 
with a voice that can ring like а sweet 
bell, direct descendant of those in early 
Sixties Motown girl groups such as The 
Crystals and The Ronettes. Also, she 
writes much of the band's material (often 


in collaboration with lead guitarist /boy 
friend Chris Stein)—which eludes easy 
labels, Because Blondie came out of the 
CBGB's “puke-and-safety-pin chic" scene 
ın New York, it's been called New Wave 

Punk, But Perollel Lines (Chrysalis) is more 


intelligent—and fun—than most 


such, in addition, the band plays too 


Blondie's Deborah: no Bumstead. 


Praise for Blondie's 
Harry; a mixed bag from 
atrio of folkies. 


well to be considered. true N.W./P. On 
I Know but I Don't Know, it makes а 
stab at yer punk ethos—"I lose but I 
don't bet / I'm your dog 
pet"—but shows other roots by including 


but not your 


I'm Gonna Love You Too from the less 
er arcana of Buddy Holly. Its best 
original tunes are engaging reweavings 
of classic strands from the late Fifties 
and early Sixties, most less than three 


minutes long, as God intended rock s 


to be, and all are about love or its 
sence, also as God intended. But the 
point of view is strictly modern, which 
is to say usually ironic, and the style 
tends toward minimalist, “I will give you 
my finest hour / The one I spent watch 
ing you shower. . . . Get a pocket com 
puter / Try to do what ya used to do 

I know a girl from a lonely street / Cold 
as ice cream but just as sweet / Dry your 
eyes sundae girl" The mix of basic 
good-time rock forms and good nouveau 
lyrics is a fresh combination, and re- 
о hear 


freshing 
. 

Tom Paxton is one of the Bob Dylan- 
Phil Ochs generation of Greenwich Vil 
lage folkers. A lot of people from those 
times have faded, but Paxton is still 


going strong ing in his light, pleas 


int baritone, writing songs that express 


the concerns that animated him when his 


style was being formed. Heroes (Van 
guard) is a typical Tom Paxton record 
It has humor (Anita O.J., Hand Me 
Down My Jogging Shoes). political pro- 
test (The Death of Stephen Biko) and 
unaffected expressions of the joy and 
beauty of life (Winter Song) What 


makes it so marvelous is the quality of 

1р 
pealing and so simple that all but the 
tone-deaf could memorize them the first 


the writing. His melodies are fre 


time through. The words are even bet 
ter. The Death of Stephen Biko simply 
recounts the events of the last days in 
the life of the black leader who died of 
the savage treatment he received in a 
South African prison. Most of the so. 
great. folk 
music scare of the Sixties were bad 
enough to make listeners want to sign 
up with the other side 
political sor 


called protest songs of 


axton writes 


5 that illuminate precisely 


the nature of the evil and fill us with 
indignation at its existence. The suicide 
of his old cohort Ochs affected Paxton 
profoundly. Phil is a moving expression 
of horror and disbelief that offers no reso- 
lution, no philos 
with the shocki 


hical coming to terms 


loss of an old friend 


who seemed to be doing well 
. 

The folk scene that produced Paxton 

and Dylan has been moribund most of 

this decade, but lately it shows s 


дп» of 


The new performers are sin 


iters producing their own work in 


idiom, One of these, Steve For 


year-old from Meridian, Mis 
sissippi, has recorded his first album. 
Alive on Arrival (Nemperor). Some are call 
ing him the new Dylan. Could be. His 
harmonica playing, which will not make 
anybody forget Borrah Minevitch's, is ob- 
viously descended from Dylan's own 
weird, minimalist style. But then, how 
could a kid who wanted to go to New 


Y 


fluenced by Dylan? The important point 


k to be a folk singer avoid being in. 


is that Dylan is only one of his influences 
Forbert has listened to a lot of music 
and he is now engaged in pulling his 


own style out of all he has heard: his 
album shows that he is rather 
a job of it. АП ten songs are his 


ow and a few—such as It Isn't Go 
Ве Thit Way—are really superior work 
The imagery is striking 


generally more disciplined than Dylan's 


the lyrics are 


and the melodies are more inventive. It's 
obviously too early to tell whether or not 
, but his 


g as Bob's 


Forbert will be the new Dyl 


debut is at least as interestin 


own first album. 
. 

In Stephen Bishop's cameo appear: 
ance as a guitartoting folk sing 
the film National Lampoon's Ani 
House, his instrument gets smashed to 
smithereens by a crazed John Belushi 
Maybe that's not such a bad idea. Two 


years after his successful solo debut LP, 
Careless, Bishop brings us Bish (ABC), an 
other well-mea 


ning, well-crafted creation 
by this prolific songwriter-performer. ‘The 
title 


is just 


sts part of the problem: Bish 


ю cute for his—or the listener's 


own good. His opening interpretation of 


If 1 Only Hid a Brain from The Wizard 
of Oz is probably the most fun you'll 
have with this album; the rest, including 
a number dedicated to Oz lyricist E. Y 
Harburg, What Love Сап Do, can best 


be described as love's labors lost 


‚13 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette, FTC Report MAY 78. 


R4 REYNOLDS Toe, 


The man. The cigarette; They: Beak for 
themselves. 

Ordinary cigarettes 
Camel Filters has. 

Its blend of Turkish апа Domestic tobaccos 
gives him what he smokes for. 

Pleasure. Satisfaction, 

A Camel Filters Man understands dd the 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health 


TELEVISION 


n early February (check your local list- 
I ings for specific dates and hours) 
Alex Haley's Roots: The Next Generations 
will begin as another marathon se 
ries on ABC Television, with 14 hours 
of black history compressed into two. 


hour segments on successive 


ABC's bold experiment in progr 
drew an audience estimated at well over 
100,000,000 viewers the first time around. 
with approximately 80,000,000 clocked 
for repeat showings of the original Roots 
last summer, The new series, judged 
from the first two-hour episode and a 
sampling of things to come, is less exotic 


but equally dramatic, intelligent and 
absorbing as an American hope opera 
about what happened to Haley's fore 


bears when—having thrown off the shack 


les of slavery—they began to strug 
with the far trickier responsibilities of 
freedom in the white man’s world 
Intermarriage, education, upward то 
bility and virulent racism on both sides 
are the issues met when Next Genera 
tions resumes in 1882, with Kunta Kinte's 
great-grandson Tom Harvey (Georg Stan 


ford Brown) raisi 
in Henning, Ter 
let his own daughter Elizabeth (Debbi 


is freeborn children 


wee, Tom refuses to 


Morgan) marry a. Negro suitor who has 
100 much white blood in him, yet he 
stoutly defends a young black school 
marm (Fay Hauser) who crosses the color 
barrier—first. by borrowi oks from 
the library of Colonel Warner (Henry 
Fonda), the town's leading citizen, then 


by captivating and finally marrying the 


colonel’s ус 


nger son Jim (played by 
Richard Thomas, John-Boy of The Wal 
fons TV family). Young Jim is disowned 
as "a nigger” by his outraged kin, and 


what happened to the Warners after that 


tends to dominate the first episodes of 
Next Generations, Although they are not 
Haley's ancestors, they provide star pow 
er—with such names as Fonda, Thomas 
and Olivia de Havilland—as well as а 
strong narrative hook to hold viewers in 
thrall until Haleys bright, ambitious 
grandparents and parents arrive on thc 
landscape. For the opener, John Erman's 
direction and. Ernest. Kinoy's adaptation 
suggest that ABC has rolled out the red 
carpet to conclude this instant, authentic 
American classic 
. 

Anglophiles and avid students of Eng- 
lish history should rejoice and reserve 
13 hours of prime time when Mobil 
Showcase's syndicated series Edward the 
King begins in mid-January (dates, times 
and channels may vary widely, so 
check local listings). Showered with well 
deserved accolades since the 1975 pre 
miere in Britain, this monumental 
biography of Edward VIL (1841-1910) 


Thomas, Fonda, Hauser: more Roots 


Get ready for 
Roots revisited and 
a bio of Edward VII. 


Ryan, West as Edwardian royalty. 


has been sold to 56 countries and ought 
a raging success everywhere 
апа present ruler 
are exhaustively documented, yet 
Edward is an elegant and even suspense 


ful saga wrought from the kr 


The so-called playboy king, 
Queen Victoria and Prince 
ed more than half a century to ascend 
the throne, then 
known for style 


e his name to an age 


It would be impossible to summarize 
i which begins with 
Albert. Edward, 


Wales, in a stormy royal hold where 


the spoiled, hysterical young Queen Vic 
toria hates her first-born son on sight 
Never overfond of children, Victoria 


r and her private 
nd, Albert, to the 
responsibilities of mothering their 


prefers imperial p 


passion for her hu 


Annette Crosbie and Robert 


Hardy performing very flashily as Vi 
toria and Albert, А carly epis 
mount to an engrossing, intimate family 
portrait complicated by affairs of stat 
(Sir John Gielgud as Disraeli is just 
one of many distinguished. figures 
play the palace). Meanwhile, the yc 


prince—who is not much of a scholar 


suffers through a rigorous education to 


prepare for kingship. In Edwarc 
bellious adulthood, Timothy West takes 
over the role, along with the rest of the 
drama, sharing the spotlight with а sc 
ries of ladies he fancied, among them 


Helen Ryan as his wife, Alexandra 
Francesca Annis as Lily Langtry, Moira 
as Edw 


Redm l's lon e mistress, 


Alice vel. The heir apparent, indulg 
ing himself in scandalous exploits be 
cause his stubborn old mum doesn’t trust 
him to do anything else, is named in a 
divorce action and called to court at one 


critical point in his roistering, hedonistic 


career. How Edward matures into a well 
loved and earnest monarch, taken serious 
ly by everyone save the stuffer elder 


statesmen in his court, is the gist of this 


gosipy, frank but absolutely thorough 


bred spectacular. Director John Gorrie 


coadapter (with David Butler) of the 
script from a biography by Philip Mag 
nus, obviously had а mammoth budget 
ind imagination to match. 
E 
Public — Broadcasting — Masterp 


Theatre (with repeat telecasts on many 
PBS outlets) will again take up Country 
Matters (the first batch was aired in 1975 
early in February in a five-week seric 
based on adaptations of short stories by 
A. E. Coppard and Н. E. Bates. This 
collection of hourlong tales set hither 


and yon in the English countryside leaves 


а distinctly bitter aftertaste. The initial 
entry, Coppard’s Crippled Bloom (two 


spiky, spinsterish sisters squabble over a 


middle-aged former soldier who is not 
worth the trouble he causes them), is fol 
lowed by Bates’s Breeze Anstey (two 
earnest young women back in the Thir 
ties, trying to establish an herb farm 
while tactfully avoiding the lesbian as 
pects of their relationship). Lonely 
ilcoholics, disillusioned virgins and frus 
trated lovers abound in subsequent 
weeks. As usual on Masterpiece Theatre 
every subject is handled with reticence 
and impeccable taste by fine English ac 
tors. Too bad the subject matter isn’t 
more exciting вл 


The evolution of the revolution. 
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formance of the 901 IV to your 
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Broadwa 

jur Rol 

Mulligan's amial E ‹ 
lightful mo ersion of Same Time Next 
The 

n 


ists entirel al weeken: 


dated fo every five 
from 1951 thr 11977 
While 5, T N y is esen 


ylibly but droll 


as the 1 


rink and 


The time she 


int, for е 


having an 


tyn and Alda turn out tc 


match, and Mulligan puts them through 


ir paces without strain, making no 


effort to | е fact that thi 


contrived com: 1 series ol 


ille sketches on the evergreer 


ЇЇ sex. It’s highly verbal т 

raphic, and strewn with crackling gags 
І 1 th cı r 

Irom end to end, beginning in 1951 

herself—the 


ойс girl 


when she shyly introduces 


ing alter—as a пісе € 


who was "sort of" a virgin on her wed. 
ding day. "Well, I w but I 


don't count that а perennial 


chmuck with a guilt complex, simplified 


е fact tha t another 
ИЕ to 
fall 


the 


while 
on. M 
in actress who 
er on multilevels yet 
laugh. Neither de Alda 
Same Time Next Year makes fooling 
е a healthy, spirited all. 


t. Tennis, anyone 


American 


The Wiz, а musical extravaganza 


ought forth with a budget in the very 


nsive ne 30,000,000. 


is black and beautiful but ultimately 


_ MOVIES 


New Y 
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Time Next Year fares à 
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The Wiz hir ind 1 
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pg inam лег so : 
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first. c { reels v 
Lloyd, Moore in Wild Gi i = 
borin, Gol I 
ever, аге дуг 
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Walton, who dreame D uf ' 
Frank Ваши» ir arach 
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IMPORTED CANADIAN WHISKY-A BLEND - 80 PROOF -CALVERT DIST. СО.,н.Х.С. 


Wherever you go, it's moving fast. What's 
behind its super success? Super lightness, 
superb taste. If that’s what you're after, 
make the run to Lord Calvert Canadian. 


Follow the Canadian Superstar 


PLAYBOY 


40 


operation) gives meaty roles to its three 
principals, all in top form, with Hardy 
Kruger, John Kani, Stewart Granger and 
other stouthearted men generating the 


kind of macho chemistry that used to get 
pulses pounding in dozens of World War 
Two epic. I kept quietly questioning 
the ethics of this movie while shameless 
ly enjoying every minute of it. You know 
what I mean 

. 

Movies concocted as sweet or sour or 
streetwise love letters to the hurly-burly 
human comedy of life in New York, New 
York, are becoming a drug on the market 
The drug is addictive only to writers and 
directors, who seem to get woozy on what 
ever it is that emanates from the great 
Manhattan melting pot, Paradise Alley 
stars Sylvester Stallone, who also wrote 
and directed it as if he were determined 
to remake Rocky without blowing his 
chances for a planned sequel. The under 
dog hero of Alley is а dumb, goodhearted 
wrestler (played Brando style by ex-boxer 
Lee Canalito пе of three Italian broth- 
ers (Stallone and Armand Assante are 
the smarter siblings) who see no way 
out of the slums but to fight, fight, fight. 
From start to finish, Paradise Alley looks 
remarkably like the brand of ‘Thirties 
corn that is mocked by masters in Movie 
Movie. References to Pearl Harbor and 
World War Two confirm the fact that 
the period of the piece is a decade 
later, though everything in the movie 
smacks of Depression blues—men with- 


out jobs, without hope, wearing floppy 


caps and dark glasses while panhan 


dling on street corners. Atmospheric 
tography by Laszlo Kovacs gives 
п stunning surface but fortifies the 
odd impression that Stallone's scre 


cinem 
the fi 


nplay 
has somehow slipped into the wrong time 
zone. As an actor, he's not far out of his 
Rocky rut. As a director, he's passable to 
promising and makes his company look 
m Canalito and 
Joyce Ingalls and Anne Archer, who go 
pretty far with skimpily written roles as 
the guys’ favorite dolls. As a writer, Stal 


good—fr Assante to 


lone supplies some ammunition for skep 
tics who thought he was just damned 
lucky the first time. He may, however, 


get lucky again—with audiences primed 


to stomp and cheer through a choreo- 


graphed fight scene in slow motion, fol- 
lowed by a climax that's a Rocky retread 
right up to the final frame. 
. 
Slow Dancing in the Big City, worse luck, 


shows nary a sign of a repeat perfor 


ance by director John Avildsen, who won 
an Oscar for Rocky back in 1977. If he 
had a mind to, Jimmy Breslin could 
probably sue over this flick's ludicrous 


portrayal (by Paul Sorvino) of a tough 
talking, 
York's Daily News. Although the charac 
ter, who is called Lou Friedlander, seems 


Breslinish columnist on New 


to be a household name evokin tant 


Up Stallone's Alley. 


Paradise Alley, 
Slow Dancing don't 
quite make it; 
Big Fix is fun. 


Medina, Dreyfuss in Big Fix. 


everywhere, he lives in a 
dingy tenement walk-up, across the hall 


from a ballet dancer (movie newcomer 
Ann Ditchburn of Canada's National 
Ballet). She is about to attain stardom in 
à debut at Lincoln Center, but the big 
openir 


night will probably be her last 
since X rays show that she has ruptured 
tendons requiring immediate surgery. It's 


it-and-gossamer love story, see, and 


we know they are made for each other 
because she senses the soul of a poet 
under his rough exterior when he tells 


her that any poor Fun City sap walk 


on the stars, kiss the moon, t the 
garbage into roses.” Sorvino is an ami 


able, down-to-earth actor, as easy to like 


is a Teddy bear, and he loses no points 
for the fact that Slow 
Avildser 


original screenplay by actress-writer Barra 


Dancing is a dra 


s folly can be easily traced to an 


Grant (who happens to be the daughter 


of former Miss America Bess Myerson 


better known nowadays the close 
friend and political supporter of New 
York's Mayor Koch). Quoted in publicity 
blurbs as a confirmed city mouse who 


calls New York 
Grant cannot tell а character from a 


а people place," Miss 


caricature. She has the 


d up that 


z Apple so 


car dancers, 


choreographers, pushers, kids and cops 


no matter how toi 


they pretend to 

be—all behave as if 
in with Mary Poppins 
. 

A key scene in The Big Fix has Richard 


Dreyfuss watching, with tears in his eyes, 


hey had just flown 


some film foot of antiwar demonstra 


tions and other activist confrontations of 
the Sixties. He is Moses Wine, a 


campus radical whose 


netime 
innocence and 
idealism have been blown away now that 
he's past 30. His estranged wife calls him 


"a would-be Marxist ashoe,” thou 


all that’s left of his brave new world are 


child-support payments, chronic attacks 


of cynicism and sleazy gigs as a private 


investigator. Moses gets caught up again 


in a California political race and more 
or less stumbles into the untidy but sus. 


penseful plot of Big 


Fix, a knockout con 
temporary comedy-drama that is actuall 
a rueful ode to the faded flower children 
of the Sixties and how they grew. Play 
ing 


а student militant whom Moses used 
to ball between peace marches, Susan 
Anspach sets the ironic tone of the piece 
which moves from topical satire into 


high-tension melodran 


i—involving hired 
assassins, a kidnaped chicano labor lead 
er, a fi 
the ЕР 


and is now supposed to be mastermind. 


gitive activist who has been on 


s Most Wanted list for ten years 


ing a diabolical terrorist plot to blow 


up a Los Angeles freeway interchange 


You can see there's а lot going on in th 


timely sleeper, adapted by Roger 1 
Simon from his own novel and di 
by Jeremy Paul Kagan. Altho 


movie maintains a steady, headloi 


the social comment occasionally gets 


heavy-handed. You may not notice the 


Car comfort. More fort 
that's more padded a 


re. More nd-deadenir 


Truck tough. One 


ew Toyota 


rized ignitior 


g Fix fired with conviction. he 


surpasses even his Oscar-winn stint Wis. po 
in The Goodbye Girl and shrewdly el duced and 
> the head of the line for | directed by the 
- ws his way to the head of the line for r 


another nomination. Good show creator of Deep 
Throat (whose 


‹ 
Back in stride as the man who made | Comments about 

ingin' in the Rain, Funny Face and | the shrunken hori. 

5 other classic screen entertainments, pro- | 209% of hard-core 

ducer-director Stanley Donen obviously | Were quoted in 

had а nderful time with Movie Movie, | our August "Com 

Any film nut worthy of the name is sure | ing Attractions"), 

ш Gerard — Domiano's 


to have an equally fine time watching it 


G 
tone in a cameo bit introducir 


Donen's jolly ode to cinema 


тм lapses, because Dreyfuss, as coproducer X 7 D 
Beate rece erie tap eto RATE 
unlimited sources of energy that keep | — = = 
B i Here 


strong bed. Honey 


(Heather Young) 
learns a lot | 

observing big 
brother's therapy 
which helps соп 


vince her that vir 


ginity has its 
How 
or why, 1 cannot 


drawba 


tell you; I was too 

busy pinching my 

self to stay awake. 
5 

И Но! Honey 


Burns establishes the labor-of- | People breaks а 


good many of the 


л old. rules that ordi 


narily determine is about as sexy 


ісу as "а brand-new double feature,” di 
vided into two parts and related by the | Success or failure as a cold shower, 
Say 2 presence—in dual ‘roles—of Се С, | on the sex-film cir A Woman's Torment 
High-tensile strength leader xa phite-imp ted Scott, Trish Van Devere, Red Buttons, | Suit: Rooms was must be roughly 
pre КЕРЕКУ аА s fon nd Barry Bostwick, EH Wallach and Art | theoriginal work- КУ Greon, Michelle in People equivalent to skin. 


Carney. Scott, with a limited reputation | ing title of this — —  ny-dipping in the 

for clowning (at least until a couple of | Pisodic | six-part e ү ae 

seasons ago, when he scored a hit onstage | movie, four parts ment introduces 

in Sy Fee} © di vem ` ШЫ : dan of which arc mh Gerard Damiano strives Tara Chung as a 

the title and flamboyantly funny in both | more than explic for a touch of class homicidal nym 

halves of the bill. "Dynamite Hands,” the | it sexual карар in People; boys апа bridge g 

Bo View Movie Movie, is a per. | ters preceded by refuge from her 

M ae eM pu oe na | fi mey dia girls play doctor troubled family at 

ter big-city melodramas about a poor, | 105 as an excuse in Candy Stripers. an isolated beach 

tough kid, this one named Joey Popchik | for а plot. Jamie house, where she 

(beautifully spoofed by Harry Hamlin), | Gillis and Serena ____ LLL bs strangles, 

who wants to go to law school and Be | (formerly billed as hacks up or elec 

Somebody but has to become a boxer | Serena BlaqueLord) portray a couple trocutes various acquaintances and 

because his kid sister (Kathleen Beller) is | turned on by kinky role playing, while a passersby. Between murders, she mas 

Head-cleaning leader tape going blind. Only by fighting can he raise | Mickly photographed sequence titled — turbates а lot, This sort of thing was 
keeps recorder heads'clean enough money to send her to a Viennese | “The Exhibition" offers two girls and a done better in an early Roman Polanski 
: True-Track™ fore-and-aft eye specialist who charges $20,000 for ап | BUY іп a straightforward bondage bit, So shocker called Repulsion, with Catherine 

quide system for preci operation (or, as someone cryptically | Much for standard sexploitation. Best of Deneuve as the murderous coquette 

azimuth control. notes, "$10,000 an eye"). Scott plays the | the hard-core scenes is "The Hooker,” a though no one in his right mind thought 

x з ет, with Trish (look. | broadly comic unconventional collision — Repulsion was а sex movie. Porno may 

Falt pad and beryllium oop ВНЕ ing exactly like Teresa Wright in at least | between a callgirl (June Medows) and a still survive, but let's hope it’s not for 


Precision guide rollers with stainless 25 films we all remember) as the neig! 


borhood librarian Joey darned near for- | blown and balled by the numbers. Full and basket cases, 
gets when a hotshot promoter (Wallach) | of loud and profane instructions, Astor, 


m. | client (Bobby Astor) who wants to be ап audience turned on by blood and guts 


assembly for precise tape to head contact. steel pins provide smoother tape 


movement with minimal friction A 


Blue Cross would blush over the bene: 


introduces him to a nightclub chantoot- | who looks like a mislaid Marx brother, 


fits enjoyed by bedridden patients in 


sie named Troubles (a neat stint by | spoofs eroticism by clowning even when 


When we invented Grand Master In the studio, yes. But not 


Candy Stripers, which features Amber 


Broadway's Ann Reinking). Filmed in | he’s coming, Far more precedent-shatter 
studio recording tape in 1973, at home. nostalgic black and white, "Hands" is a | ing is the fact that the most effective and Hunt: Nancy Hoffman and Montana as 
professional recording engineers Now, the world has changed. virtually flawless parody, thats all I can | fully developed part of People is a story ао OF орі! vorunteers with un 
grabbed it. And Grand Master Home equipment has tell you, with a screenplay by Larry Gel- | with no explicit зех at all-about a опе healthy, horny and hard. A 
soon became the unquestioned improved dramatically. With bart and Sheldon Keller that sums up | frustrated young widow (Kara Bennett) of specialists in fist fucking are brought 
EUNT s ds every ringside tearjerker ever conceived— | and a handsome, gay L.A. hustler (Joe jy hs consultants for one graphic se 
leader in its field. bias flexibility. Higher output. from William Holden in Golden Boy and | Spalding) who like each other, want each А 1 if КТЕ ia 
But in 1973, not even the And lower distortion James Cagney in City for Conquest to | other but can't quite synchronize their Pika MPs ; мй vias os INE 
most sophisticated home users So that now, the time is John Garfield's Body and Soul. needs. Actually lifted from a softcore away for a smoke. Sharon Thorpe offi 
had the kind of equipment right for Grand Master. Ка y Movie's second half, in full col. | movie T by EXE IN Es ciates as head nurse, who begins to take 
: ho er e 98 Diners e " yr, has the same creative team with most | several years ago but never released, this her job quite literally by the rip 
that could drive tape hard enough In cassette, 8-track, and open of the same actors raising hell and tap- | small, sad ê SF unrequited lust gives ed tee dad m ша d k 
to explore Grand Masters amaz- reel. Including a specially ping their way thro Baxter's Beauties | People a touch of class that may baffle surgery, where all that fearsome hospi 
ing potential. For output formulated Grand Master II of 1933, ance show from the | pornophiles who measure a sex film by tal hardware becomes, more or less, a 
sensitivity. Ultra-wide dynamic cassette, for high bias. Dick Powell-Ruby Keeler school of vin- | counting come shots hard-core jungle gym. The movie is 
range. Improved signal-to-noise. You're ready for it. And it's dd a Энеси a ae По уды: 0| E, ^ шшк етесин or poetis ү 
ғ = а T me Broadway producer, Spats Baxter 314 and Serena are on again in Het nurse and let's-play-doctor routines, per- 
And low distortion. ready for you who's got a month to live id figures that | Honey, with Jamie as the heroine's invalid formed by a P а exuberant ise 
GRAND MASTER ВҮАМРЕХ. allows him 30 days ("This is February, | brother whose paralysis seems to vanish ‘There's practically nothing they won't 
Spats,” Doc Art Carney reminds him) to | whenever nurse Serena pushes his wheel. do to relieve the sick, and they seldom 

create one more socko musical as his | chair within lunging distance of a good май to take the bandages off вм. 4l 


WETHINK YOU'RE READY FORIT. 


Ampex Corporation, Magnetic Tape Division, 401 Broadway, Redwood City, California 94063 |415]367-388 


PLAYBOY 


42 


legacy. Spats never dreams that his long- 
lost daughter (Rebecca York) is trying 
out for the chorus, that a wisecracking 
hoofer (Barbara Harris) has secretly been 
in love with him for years or that a 
bespectacled accountant (Barry Bostwick, 
а wow) is a moonlighting performer- 
composer capable of churning out such 
sparkling hit songs as Just Shows to Go 
Ya. The spirit of Busby Berkeley hangs 
“Baxter's Beauties," and that's the 
spirit Donen relishes and reviews with 
contagious gusto. What Movie 
Movie amount to, in the final analysis? 
Nothing but pure joy, kiddo. A treasury 
of clichés, loose and stylish and as cozy to 
recall as youth itself or your last pair of 
corduroy knickers. 


does 


+ 

Who the hell is Stevie Smith and why 
would anyone make a movie about her? 
Both questions are answered by Ste 
starring two-time Oscar winner Glend: 
Jackson in a unique, miraculous little 
film that breaks all the rules of cinema 
but triumphs as a work of art. OK, brace 
yourself. Very few readers, and even 
fewer American moviegoers, know any- 
thing about Stevie Smith, an English 
poet and novelist—a spinster lady who 
lived most of her life in Palmers Green, 
an unfashionable London suburb, with 
her beloved old aunt, Before she died in 
1971, Smith was famous in a modest way; 
she became slightly more famous when 
Hugh Whitemore wrote play about 
her. The play's the thing from which 
de, and producer-director 
Robert Enders handed it over to Glenda 
almost in one piece—though the stagy 
look of the film disguises the fact that 
Enders and cinematographer Freddie 
Young have dared a very risky kind of 
adaptation, Glenda talks to the audience 
frequently, quoting Stevie's verse or 
commenting on her neighbors, her work, 
her womanhood, her attitudes toward sex 
and religion. “This is my aunt,” she con- 
fides in the midst of a conversation with 
Mona Washbourne, a veteran English 
character actress whose vibrant perform 
ance challenges kson's all the way. 
Trevor Howard, as an unidentified friend 
and narrator, and Alec McCowen, as one 
of Stevie's rejected suitors, are the only 
other characters on the screen. It is not 
easy to define the universal appeal of 
Stevie; the idea sounds so dull on paper. 
But by the end, word of honor, you will 
be hooked, as І was, on Glet s recital, 
Stevie weaves in and out of reality, touch- 
ing upon matters of life and death that 
e the same for everyone. She tries sui- 
cide but gets along by knocking back an 
occasional sherry and lots of gin as the 
years go by. She ultimately becomes 
a fascinating, flesh-and-blood creature 
whose mere presence is poetry in motion. 
A rare bird, and an absolute must for 
movie buffs who yearn to soar once in a 
while, ——REVIEWS BY BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


he Lux Radio 

Theater is dead, 
but broadcast. d 
ma is alive and 
well, thank you. 
You've probably 
caught the nightly 
CBS Radio Mys- 
tery Theater, but 
if you've missed 
National Public 
Radio's weekly se- 
ries Earplay, now 
being heard over 
some 200 stations 
ionally, you 
may be mulling 
the opportunity of 


Fire in the Hole cast at work. 


folk songs from 
the period, many 
of them sung in 
authentically un 
melodic voices 
Principal charac 
ters аге Custer 
himself, played 
by Charles Kim 
brough; his wife, 
Libbie (Patricia 
Elliott, as а but 
ter-wouldn't-melt 
in-her-mouth 
Southern belle); 
ıd Custer's some 
time adversary 
and surviving 


catching some first- 
rate, original ma- 
terial as well as 


Miss original drama 


ate, Lieu 
nt Colonel 
m Benteen 


established works г en Cariou). 
by such interna- over the airwaves? About half of 
tionally know Tune in to Earplay. the new season's 


writers as Robert 
Anderson, Arthur 


Earplay offerings 
are original radio 


Kopit and David 
Mamet. 

Earplay started out seven years ago, 
with grants from the National Endow 
ment for the Arts and the Corporation 
for Public Broadcasting, putting together 
brief dramatic vignettes for rush-hour 
commuters. In recent seasons, however, 
it has genuinely come of age with 26 
one-hour presentations for NPR-affiliated 
and the three Pacifica Network 
outlets in New York and California. We 
ot an advance listen to three episodes, 
including January's season opener, An 
derson's 7 Never Sang for My Father, 
with Melvyn Douglas repeating the role 
for which, onscreen, he won a 1970 
Oscar nomination. Next in the series is 
Tim O'Brien's Fire in the Hole, an 
original adaptation from his recent 
novel Going After Cacciato (reviewed 
i vmov, March 1978). In this 
Cacciato, played by Peter 
McNicol, is a kind of innocent who pre- 
fers fishing in filled shell crater 
to getting involved with the activiti 
of his squad in Vietnam. Since those 
activities at the moment involve plans 
being pushed by one of the men, Oscar 
(Meshach Taylor, who plays his role 
with a fine sinister power), to frag the 
squad commander, Lieute Sidney 
Martin (Peter Aylward), Cacciato may 
be the least crazy of the lot. In the third 
program, Custer, craziness is, of course, 
the ропи of the whole thing. Its a 
fascinating mélange, by former history 
student turned playwright Robert In- 
gham, of quotations by and about Gen- 
eral George Armstrong Custer, he of the 
Last Stand—interlarded with gobbets of 


stations 


in 
segment, 


dramas commis- 
sioned by the Public Broadcasting 
project. Among them: Later, by Corinne 
Jacker: The Antique Bearers, by Ray 
Aranha; Manhattan Transference, by 
William Tucker; The Bathyscaphe, by 
Kit Reed. Since Earplays agreement 
with member stations allows for rebroad 
cast over a three-year period, listeners 


can also expect to hear during 
season some of the highlights of the 
1977-1978 schedule—doubtless including 


John Gardner's The Temptation Game, 
commissioned by Earplay, which won an 
Armstrong Award for excellence and 
originality in FM broadcasting. Gardner, 
who wrote The Sunlight Dialogues, 
Grendel and October Light, the last of 
which won a 1976 National Book 
Award, is a professor of medieval litera 
ture, and he has drawn upon that back 
ground for this radio tale about the 
al travails of a monk in the Eng 
land of King Richard 1 

By arrangement with the British Broad 
casting Corporation, Earplay also presents 
a number of BBG radio productions. 

If you live in Nevada or Idaho, you 
probably don't receive Public Radio 
broadcasts. Otherwise, check your local 
listings for date and time of Earplay, mix 
yourself a good drink and settle down in 
а comfortable chair for 
age into your imagination. 

. 

Starting in February, the CBS Radio 
Network will premiere yet another series 
the Sears Radio Theater, five nights a week 
Promised are origin: 
Westerns, romances, 


1 hourlong voy 


one-hour plays— 
Gothic horror sto 
ries, adventures and comedies—with ce 


lebrity guest hosts. 


у COMING ATTRACTIONS >< 


pot Gossip: T wo major studios are work- 
tely on pictures based on the 
life of dancer Waslaw Nijinsky. Mikhail 
Baryshnikov has formed his own produc 
tion company to film one version, most 
likely for Orion, and Herb (Turning 
Point) Ress will direct the other for Para- 
. Mario Puzo's new book in 
about the Sicilian bandit 
Juliano, who ravaged the Italian coun- 
irvside during the Fifties, stealing from 
the rich, etc, and became known as 
g of an Italian Robin Hood 
Eventually, he was cornered in a cave 
and killed in a with Italian 

Harrison (Star Wars) Ford will 
with Gene Wilder in No Knife. 
John Wayne was approached for a role in 
the comedy-Western but declined. . . . 
Martin Sheen will portray John Dean and 


mount. . 


progress is 


пегі 


shoot-out 


police 


costar 


Baryshnikov Puzo 


Rip Torn will play Tricky Dicky in CBS' 
it-hour telemovie of the former White 
House aide's Blind Ambition. . . . Author 
Ayn Rand has given NBC the OK to pro. 
duce an eight-hour telefeature E 
her book Atlas Shrugged, Scripting is 
being done by Academy Award winner 
Süding (In the Heat of the Night) 
Silliphant. . . . Robert Stone, author of Dog 
Soldiers, is at work on a novel about a 


sed on 


Catholic priest in the throes of losing his 
faith while caught up in the turmoil of a 
Central American revolution, 

. 

FILMING THE GREAT VOID: You've probably 
been reading about black holes, tl 
antimatter іп outer 
space that scientists believe are the re 
mains of exploding star bodies. Well, 
soon you'll be movie 
Walt Disney Productions, in its bi; 
most expensive film project 
$17,000,000 budget and a 
ing schedule), has begun work on The 
Black Hole, formerly titled Space Probe. 
The film signifies a concerted attempt 
on the part of the Disney organization to 
appeal to a greater audience and the 
rating just might turn out to be not G 
but PG, a first for the people who 
brought us Fantasia, Starring Maximilian 
Schell, Tony Perkins, Joseph Bottoms, Ernest 
Borgnine and Yvette Mimieux (all in their 


ecrie pockets of 


able to see the 


ем, 


ever (а 


2-day sho 


Disney debuts), the film is being kept 
tight security, with two units 


under 


Corson 


shooting separately, one not knowing 
what the other is doing. Word has it that 
the endin show the film makers’ in 
terpretation of what lies beyond a black 


hole. 


۰ 

ORIGINAL Casts: It’s always fascinating 
to find out which stars producers had in 
mind when they began to fill big parts 
in big movies. Apparently, Warner Bros." 
first choice for the title role in Oh, God! 
was Johnny Carson (J.C.—get it), 
George Burns a close second. Carson h: 
weeks off from The 
Show and wanted to de 


studio 


with 
1 


Tonight 


several 


movie, so a 
called him and ex 
plained that he wanted him for the lead 
film called Oh, God! 
n hearing the title, Carson's reaction 
was, “Thought you ting 
away from typecast On a similar 
note, we've heard it said that the first 
choice for the 


producer 


in а warm, lov 


пуз were 


Warren Beatty role in 
Heaven Can Wait was none other than 
The Champ himself, Muhammad Ali, Ac- 
cording to this story, Beatty originally 


Shields Burns 


opted to do the James Mason part, a less 
demanding role that would have left 
him more time for directing. But Ali 
decided to do The Greatest inst 
well, the rest is history. 

• 

ANCIENT HistorY: Lovely young Brooke 
Shields is running around with older men 
again—quite a bit older. In Just You 
and Me, Kid (set for release this sum- 
mer, not only does she costar with 


ad and, 


the venerable George Burns but there's one 
scene in which she appears with a whole 
pack of geriatric superstars, including 
Burns, Ray Bolger, Leon Ames and Keye Luke. 
The elders were especially assembled 
for this film to play the poker-loving 
buddies of Burns, a vaudevil 
lian, But their daily game is disrupted 
by Burns's efforts to hide runaway or 
phan Brooke from the cops, In one wild 
scene, the old showbizzers levitate the 


retired 


young girl to the ceiling as the police 
search underneath. This is octogenarian 
Burns's toughest picture to date, because 
he has so mach dialog, but he finds that 
working with Shields keeps him lively 
Which is also the reason һе 
many of 


dates so 
Hollywood's young beauties 
“When it comes to romance, I'm at a 
very awkward age," he cracks. “If I go 
out with girls younger than me, I'm criti 
cized. If 1 go out with girls older than 
me, | can't get them out of the rest 
At 13, Brooke is to 
for Burns, but he says he'll wait for her 
if she's still interested later. 


home.’ young even 


Bronson Sando 


compo Bianco: When we first heard 
about a film in development called Gabo 
Blanco, it sounded a bit like, well, a 
continuation of Casablanca, though the 
film’s producers were quick to deny that 


it was conceived as such. However it was 
conceived, Cabo Blanco, now in produc 
tion, seems like a pretty interesting 
project in its own right, with all the 
ingredients of a sure box-office success 
The story, which takes place in a Peru- 
vian fishing village in 1949, focuses on a 
search for a sunken ship that houses a 
cache of Nazi gold. Involved in the 
treasure hunt are an American expatri 
ate (Charles Bronson), an. ex-Nazi, and the 
wile (Dominique Sande) of the captain of 
the ship who was killed when the ship 
was scuttled. When Bronson and Sanda 
team up, the Nazi gets nasty and creates 
Ise scare among the fishermen that 
5 some kind of devilfish killing 
what we mean by all the 
ingredients—how can you beat Nazis, 
devilfish and sunken treasure? 

— JOHN BLUMENTHAL 


ther 
people off. Se 


43 


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Rican Gold Rum one of the most popular and 


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No wonder over 85% of the rum sold in this 
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People try it once. Then again and again 

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For tree 
Dept P-2, 1290 Avenue of the Americas, N Y, М Y 10019 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


Flap It scems а 
t resort. Would you ple 


rcent of the men 1 have 


1, all seemi worldly f 


erything to me while making 
pect me » likewise, lo 
' » Lam out of my min 
them to make а sex 
ex even just t The 1 
1 had ave been those 
imagination who are not af 
press their fantasies. If they s 
and ask me to € minc 
turn them on! Am I wrong i 

с еху, to make 
est stories? 1 inning to 
to even say anything, even 
tories turn me on so much. 
Culver City, California 

o TI 

1 ht. B 


Ё... always heard that the t 


was top when it came 
However, a. job counselor at 
told me that Uncle Sam ha 
the years, and that now 


more топе 
D. S., B. 


erseas. True 
Massachusetts 
t time the Û 


ou are my 


ne why 


c to bed 


llows who 
thing and 
love, and 
k at me as 
en I ask 
or talk 


overs I 


raid to ex 


y they can't 
does it ever 
| wanting a 
» the wild 
е afraid 
hough sc 
Miss D. € 


nited States 
to salaries. 
school has 


» can make 


or falsez— 


5 N B 
0 Г it a f 
for yo of 
PLAYBOY lo 
Bm a happily married male of 40. My 
\ nd I enjoy а beautiful sex life. М 
m, if it is one, is that I'm a com 
e masturbator. By compulsive I 
almost dail is far back as 1 can 


remember. 1 have fantasy fucked virtu 
illy every desirable female I've ever met 
regardless of her age. I jerk off at home 
at the office, in my car or just about any 
where at any time. I love to feel my 
[ ing meat explode. I've used about 
every known lubricant from cooking oil 


to artificial pu. 


meats. Some of my most thrilling orgasms 


have taken place in, of all places, the 


ое of a female co-worker. (I squirt hand 


all over the inside and use the 


hoe to erupt in.) I then wipe it clean, 


place it back in her desk and can't wait 
to sce her wearing that shoe again. Опе 
of my favorite hobbies is to spend hours 


creating paste-ups using pictures of fe 
males I know. I neatly cut out their heads 
ind paste them onto other pictures of 


always end up jerking 


sexy female bodies. 1 get so arouse 
ing this that I 


myself to a violent orgasm. Am I sick, or 


is my behavior within the limits of normal 

sexuality?—L. F., Indianapolis, Indiana 
ery d t we get a letter 

fre опе ho 

Sex chers | 1 


hr 
1 bu 
It's 
ul c 
1 you h 
t fe 
a lut h 1 th ıd of 
th ing reco 
mend. Keep it to ye f and you'll do 
OK. If not, you'd be shrink 
Please seule an argument: My friend 
says that no damage will occur to m 
speakers or amplifier if the volume is 
left turned up on the amplifier when it 
is turned on and off. I say it does, be 
cause of the “thump” noise the speakers 


make when that happens. Another argu 


ment we have concerns leaving 


he ampli 


fier on over an extended period of time 


aming being run throw 
not because house 
current irregularities caused by the kick 
in f bigger appliances also produce 
а pop or a click through the system. He 
says that will not damage any of my 
components. I have invested a good deal 
of money in this system; сап you set u 

traight?—B. G., Santa Fe, New Mexi 
ү; 0 on both counts. Vol 
‹ [ b ned down wh 


switchin атр 


nd when 
iny о]! 


hich not only waste po 


amplifier 


ith no program 


makes no sense at « 
sion р, tions 1 
stand-by condition. E 
ume t 1 dow 


or the past few years, I've been read 


ing all sorts of feminist PR for the multi 
ple o п. You know, once not 
enough, and all that bullshit. The multi 


ple O has become the measuring stick of 


a successful night—or, for that matter, of 
a failure. Tell me this: Can a woman be 
satisfied with only one orgasm per 
sessionz—E. D., New York, New York 
Is the Pope Polish? Shere Hite (bl 
her litile survey) found that only a small 
of the wom ho answered her 


PLAYBOY 


46 


questionnaire needed or wanted more 
than one orgasm per session, Almost 
half were satisfied with whatever ca 

their way. A more telling statistic involves 


what women do to themselves. Psycholo: 
gist Ruth E. Clifford asked 74 college 
women who masturbated whether they 
stopped at one orgasm or continued. 
While 30 of the girls said they often had 
more than one orgasm in т 
sion, only four responded that they 
needed more than one orgasm to be 
satisfied. The vest of the group said that 
additional orgasms added to their pleas 
ure but were not essential to their satis 
faction. So it appears that there ave three 


1 succes 


ys (0 measure ап evening's sexual 


rfarmance-unsatisjactory, satisfactory 
and "As long as you're at it, dear, how 


about another one?” 


Н... decided that the best way to 


beat winter cold is with nature's ¢ 


«n pro: 


tection, I recently purchased a fur coat. It 


is one 


of the unendangered species and 
I'd like to keep it that way. So, how do I 
care for it£—M. D., Cleveland, Ohio. 
Usually, а dish of water and an occa- 
sional bone will keep it in tiptop condi- 
tion, Other than that, alt 
worry about is heat, light, moisture and 
second-story men. Heat will dry both the 
fur and the leather, so keep the coat cool 


ou have to 


in the winter and stove it in а tempera 
tures and humidityscontrolled.— storage 
vault during the summer. Try nol to leave 
it in the light for too long, as that will 
cause the fur to oxidize and may change 
its color. Gaver with a cloth wrap, if neces 
sary, but never plastic, which prevents air 
from circulating, If it gets wet, shake it 
out and hang it up оп а broad-shout 
dered hanger. When it's dry, shake it out 
again to fluff it. Never brush or comb 
your fur. Finally, leave the cleaning to 
experts, Find one through the store in 
which you bought it. With proper care 
your fur should last many years, or at 
least until fashions change 


mistress and I have been playing а 
ame that 1 thought you might be 
interested in hearing about. It started 
over a year ago, when, after we had fin- 
ished making love, she slipped her silver 
arring onto my tired penis and said 
jokingly, “Here, this is to lock him up so 
As a 
lark, I left it on and suffered only some 


nobody else can have him but me 


occasional discomfort. Later, after some 
minor alterations with my soldering iron, 
I remodeled it to the point where 1 can 
wear it nearly all the time without any 
problems at all. My sweetheart is flat 
tered and happy to know that I wear my 
“chastity ring" in her honor. 1 make her 
take it off before we make love and "lock 
him back up" when we are finished. We 
have wondered if anyone else does this. 
Also, I wonder if it might not prove to 
be a cute Playboy gift item—properly 


engraved, etc. Lastly, would you believe 
that although 1 wear it most of the time, 
my wife still doesn't know about it? And 
for the life of me, I can't come up with a 


reasonable answer, in case she discovers 
it. Any suggestionsz—B. W., Dallas, 
Texas 

You've made yourself what is called 
a cock ring, а fairly common piece of 
jewelry in some circles. No, we do not 
think it would make a cute Playboy gift 


n when embossed with a Rabbit em 
m. Finally: You and your wife must 
be very close. If she hasn't noticed some 
thing you've worn on your penis for a 
year, we don’t think it would matter 
what you said about it. 


Tie л 


st 1978 Playboy Advisor has 
nswer regarding the chill 


ing and serving of wine. 1 just had a cab 
inet built to be fitted with a cooling 
system to store my wine. Now I read that 
white and red wines should be chilled at 
different temperatures. As 1 would like to 


store both white and red in the same cab- 


inet instead of building another one 
(which 1 have no room for, anyway 
what temperature would you suggest 
please?—F, R., Los Angeles, California 
According to “Playboy's Book of 
Win 
cellar is somewhere beti 


the ideal temperature for a 


en 50 and 60 


degrees Fahrenheit. French wine profe 

sionals suggest 50 to 54 degrees. Italians 
and Spaniards prefer it slightly warmer 
53 to 58 degrees. Actually, tests have 
shown that wine can be stored safely for 


long periods at anywhere from abou 


to about 70 degrees, The main thing is 
that there shouldn't be sha 
temperature 
that red wine should be stored at a slight 
ly warmer temperature than white, This 
is effectively achieved in subterranean cel 
lars by storing whites below reds (with 
sweet whites above dry whites). Ideally, 
we suppose that you should have another 


p changes in 
The authors go on to say 


cabinet built. But, to be perfectly honest, 
we don't think you'll do any harm to 
your reds and whites by placing them 
together, 


Having recently been introduced to 
bottled water, 1 find that I like the taste 
and it makes а better mixer than tap 
water. But I'm a little confused by the 
wide price spread: some bottled waters 
sell for three times as much as others. Is 
the amount of carbonation a factor or 
am I just paying for the label?—R. G., 
Hartford, Connecticut. 

Since yours is not а desert address, we 
can rule out profiteering. The discrep- 
ancies therefore must be attributed to 
differences in the product; and there are 
many. The most expensive bottled waters 
are the imported mineral waters. They 
are, for the most part, natural and nat- 
urally carbonated (there are some im- 
ported bubblies, though, that get their 


hicks from shots of CO,). Imports a 
more expensive than domestic minera 
waters largely because of shipping со 
ga Vichy [rom 
New York) naturally sparkling water 
domestically bottled, The largest sh 
of the domestic botiled-wi 


and the cheapest—is in “still” water 
i 


There is only one (Sarato; 


ter market- 


noncarbonat 


Despite their names and 
advertising 


king Edenlike origins 


chemically 


most still 
purified tap water. They are purchased 
mainly by people who either don't lik 


ers are simp 


their tap water or object to the taint of 
chlorine in their cocktails. Mineral wa 
ters, of course, attract health-conscious 
drinkers, even though health-promoting 
benefits can be argued, especially when 
used to wash down the typical American 


junk-food diet 


c 


aw 


1 you tell me how long it takes for 


man to tell if she has become preg 
nant? It's а long story and I don’t want 
to bore you with details, but I took a 


go. It was 


girl to a concert a few weeks а 


two days before her period. Later that 
1 


night, we got it on. Now she tells me she 


is pregnant and that she is planni 


get an abortion. Since she can't tell her 
husband (he is дау and they don't sleep 
together), she has turned to me for help. 
I would be willing. except that Т can't 
believe I'm the father. What do you 
say?—K. 1... Chicago, Ilinois 

How well do you know this girl? Did 


you use your real name? Nature is сар 


ble of playing tricks on everyone, but it 
tends to favor people who trust the 
rhythm method, Such people 
parents for the simple reason that ne 


the method nor а woman's internal 
rhythms are reliable. There is а chane 
that you are the father, if, indeed, th 
girl is pregnant. We'd opt for a second 
test. The hormone that indicates pr 

папсу doesn't begin to show ир in 
measurable quantities until nine days 
after the missed period. Until then, no 
test is certain. Telltale signs such as а 


mad craving for potato chips don't qual. 
ify. As for who pays the doctor: That's 
another problem entirely. If both part 
ners decide on the method of birth con 
trol and the method fails, then both 
should help out. If one partner assumes 
responsibility, then trusts to blind luck 
it is his or her problem. Our advice: You 
can pay if you want to—it won't make 


things easier 


ТП reasonable questions—from fash 
ion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars 
to dating dilemmas, taste and eliquette— 
will be personally answered if the 
includes a stamped, self-addressed en 
velope. Send all letters to The Playboy 
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michi 
gan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. The 
most provocative, pertinent queries will 
be presented on these pages each month 


writer 


U.S. GOVERNMENT 


CARLTON LOWEST. 


Carlton claim confirmed. 


Many cigarettes are using national 
advertising to identify themselves as “low 
tar?’ Consumers, however, should find out 
i how low these brands are—or aren't. 

ased on U.S. Government Report: 

14 Carltons, Box or Menthol, have less 
tar than one Vantage. 

11 Carltons, Box or Menthol, have less 
tar than one Merit. 

11 Carltons, Box or Menthol, have less 
tar than one Kent Golden Lights. 

6 Carltons, Box or Menthol, have less rr ie n s 
tar than one True. fece e тө artes i Vi рес» menge 

The tar and nicotine content per ciga- 
rette of selected brands was: 


This same report confirms of all 
brands, Carlton Box to be lowest with less 
than 0.5 mg. tar and 0.05 mg. nicotine. 


Carlton 


KIR STREAM FILTER 


ies are made periodically, Analyses during 


tar nicol 
mg 


f. 
Vantage 11 08 
Merit 0.6 Morin 
Kent Golden Lights 0.7 
True 0.4 
Carlton Soft Pack 0.1 
Carlton Menthol 0.1 
Carlton Box 0.05 


less than 
less than 0. 


LOWEST... Less than 
1 mg. “tar; 0.1 mg. nicotine. 


Ot سر سر‎ gto o 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 


That Cigarette Smoking 15 Dangerous to Your Health. | Box. Less than 0.5 mg. “tar, 0.05 mg. nicotine; Soft Pack and Menthol: 


1 mg. "tar", 0.1 mg. nicotine зу, per cigarette,-FTC Report May 78. 


PLAYBOY 


We reinvented the 35mm camera 
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THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


acontinuing dialog on contemporary issues between playboy and its readers 


BACKFIRE 

I am a certified fulltime fire fighter 
every inch female, and the idea that all 
nale sex fiends 
is unbelievably antiquarian (The Playboy 
Forum, June, October 1978). 


To disillusion your readers may seem 


fire fighters are practi 


cruel, but nocturnal experiences at the 


firehouse really d 


о not even approximate 
the sexual fantasies described by your 
correspondents. Firemen belch, snore, 
scratch and do all the mundane things 


that ordinary men do. Fire fig 


ing is our 
profession, and when we go on a call 


regardless of whether or not we risk our 


lives, it never occurs to us to think of the 
occasion as anything more than a job 
needing to be done in that particular 
place at that given time 

F. Marilyn Blanton 

Adanta, Georgia 

Those firemen and their female fans 

weren't talking about on-duty behavior 
heaven forbid, and, anyway, we think it 
quite uncharitable of you to throw cold 
water on their claims, As the saying goes 
with all that smoke, oughtn't there to be 
at least a little f 


HOOKED 

Morgan Bartlow had better luck than 
1 did in his dealings with a poetic hook 
er (The Playboy Forum, September), 
Mine also left a poem behind while I 
was asleep: 


Roses are тей 
Violets are blue; 
Now you know 


What it’s like to be screwed! 


She ripped me off for $48 on top of the 
550 fec. 
(Name withheld by request) 
New York, New York 


INANIMATE OBJECT 

1 find it a little hard to picture some 
body having sex with a 50-horsepower 
clectric motor, as your correspondent de 
scribes in the September Playboy Forum 
Maybe he gets his kicks by living dan 
gcrously. I, for one, would not care to 
jeopardize my modest appendage by 
sticking it into a hole where 110 or 220 
volts are running around, I also would 


hink that an electric motor might not 
last too long on such a diet. Weird! 

E. Ross 

New York, New York 


strange to us, too. Check 


out the fo letter from а woman 


о gels it on with an electric sander. 


LABOR OF LOVE 

Permit me to tell you about an interest- 
ing system I've discovered for turning 
work into play. Our new house needed 
lots of fixing up, including refinishing of 
the kitchen floor. 1 started on that one 
afternoon using my husband's vibrating 
sander and it turned out to be a very hard 
and boring job. As I was down on my 
hands and knees, pushing down on the 
sander so it would take the old varnish 


“Three days and 
several orgasms later, 
the job was finished." 


off faster, I noted that the vibrations of 
the machine were going from my hand 
up my arm to my elbow, which was 


pushed into my hip for leverage. It tin 


gled, so 1 started to wonder what would 
happen if 1 just moved my elbow over a 
liule to the arca of my clit. Through 
careful maneuvering, I managed to bring 
myself to а very nice orgasm! Three days 
and several more orgasms later, the job 


was finished and I'm now thinking about 


doing the hallways, the dining room and 
the back porch. 1 haven't told my hus 
band about this, as he is the jealous sort 
(Name withheld by request) 
Evanston, Ilinois 
How the time flies when you're having 
fun 


THE HUNG JURY 

Despite all the articles and letters that 
have appeared in The Playboy Forum 
about the unimportance of penis size in 
lovemaking, there are obviously a lot of 
women to whom it is important, With 
that in mind, several friends and I started 
a unique swing club called ‘The Hung 
Jury. Our purpose is to provide а place 


where men and nen of various sexual 


persuasions can 
for well-hung lovers without shame or 


apology 


dulge their preference 


Our club policy is a simple one, Male 
applicants are interviewed and measured 
by one of our female members with the 
stipulation that he must be endowed with 
at least seven inches, measured from 
underneath, and that he present himself 
as a kind, courteous and considerate per 
из should have a 
with well-endowed 


men on a steady basis, We encourage our 


son. Female applic 


sincere desire to swir 


members to indulge all of their sexual 
fantasies and desires as long as no one 
gets hurt 

The Hung Jury usually meets a couple 
of times а week in a multiroom house in 
Hollywood, at which time a minimal 
donation is asked to offset operating ex- 
penses. We are currently suspending our 
meetings, though, so that we can loc 


ea 


house large enough to accommodate 
what we hope will be an expanding 
membership in the months to come (puns 
are intended) 
(Name withheld by request) 
Hollywood, fornia 


RISKY BUSINESS 
1 am а homosexual and would like to 
have re 


onships with others, but my 
business would surely fail il it were 
known that I was gay. For that reason, 
1 am afraid to have a relationship of 
any kind with other gays. I know some 
of the others in town and I even talk 
to them about homosexuality. 1 
ч. 
would love to have a relation 
ship with some of them, and 1 
_/ know I could if 1 would just let 
them know I was gay 
I value your opinions greatly, and 1 


am about at the rope's end. What should 


49 


PLAYBOY 


50 


1 do? Should Т worry about my business 
or should I have the guts to admit my 
sexual orientation and chance the con- 


Name withheld by request) 
Goldsboro, North Carolina 
If your business were in New York or 
San Francisco and your customers judged 
you on your service, product or perform- 
ance, your decision wouldn't be too hard. 
But since North Carolina isn't noted for 
its open acceptance of homosexuals, we 
can't say that any sudden change in your 
sexual reputation wouldn't involve some 
serious risks, Bad laws апа public in- 
tolerance suggest discretion and what- 
ever degree of hypocrisy is necessary for 
survival. See the following letter. 


I do not believe gays should be 
lowed to mix with decent, ci 
people. They should have one city 
of the United Stites populated only with 
their kind. 


(Name withheld by request) 
Chattanooga, Tennessee 
Want to give them Chattanooga? 


TEMPEST IN A TEST TUBE 

All the scientific excitement and 
moralistic flappery over socalled test- 
tube babies has been boring me to te: 
However, I have enjoyed the theological 
gymnastics of some of the world’s crazier 
religious leaders, and it occurs to me that 
if the an nists could just think 
this thing straight through, they would 
wholeheartedly support the concept. I've 
always suspected. that the right-lo-lilers 
ly antisex. If so, here at last is а 
way to procreate and have no pleasure 
at all in the process 


ie withheld by request) 
па, Montana 


CONTROVERSIAL CONTRACEPTIVE 

I read with interest the letter titled 
“Hot p" in the August Playboy Forum 
and your reader js correct—some men 
(myself included) develop an acute, pain- 


action (probably allergic) to Encare 


If that were the only problem, I would 
say fine, Those who like “hot tips" 
could use them and those who didn't 
could leave them on the druggist's shelf, 
However, you may be interested that the 
effectiveness claimed in the original ads 
to physicians has been widely questioned 
and since modified, 

This product was the subject of a two- 
day meeting of the FDA Over-the-Gount 
er Vaginal Contraceptive Panel. It was 
surprising to many in the audience tha 
the product did not have FDA approval. 

1 am delighted that your correspondent 
is so happy h this contraceptive. It is 
interesting that he waits 20 minutes for 
it to dissolve, One cannot help but 
wonder about the contraceptive effect 


FORUM NEWSFRONT 


what's happening in the sexual апа social arenas 


DOUBLE TROUBLE 

VAUKEE—Police apprehended а 
13-year-old man, sitting in his car, wear- 
ing nothing but shoes and socks, after he 
followed a 29-year-old woman toa police 
station late one Saturday evening. They 
released him after hearing his explana- 
tion: that he had been frolicking with 


his girlfriend at а park when she be- 
came angry and drove off in her own 
eur, which happened to contain his 
clothes, He said he spotted and fol- 
lowed the wrong car, hoping to get his 
clothes hack so his wife would not be- 
come suspicious. After deciding not to 
charge the man, a law-enforcement offi- 
cial commented, “His story is so weird 
that there has to be some truth to it.” 


A MATTER OF IMAGE 

NAIROBI, KENYA—Ugandan president 
Idi Amin, in his capacity as his coun- 
пух minister of. health, has decreed 
that venereal disease henceforth be 
called “good hope” to encourage its 
otherwise embarrassed. victims to seek 
medical treatment, A Uganda radio 
broadcast monitored in Nairobi quot- 
ed Amin as saying, "From now on, all 
a person has to tell the doctor is ‘good 
hope’ and he will be given treatment 
accordingly." 


SEX STUDY 
BLOOMINGTON, INDIANA— The. Kinsey 
Institute for Sex Research's long-awaited 
report on homosexuality, funded by a 
$287,000 grant from the National Insti- 
tute of Mental Health in 1967, main- 
tains there is no such thing as а single 


homosexual stereotype. The study, “Ho- 
mosexualities: A Study of Diversity 
Among Men and Women,” also found 
that “homosexual adults who have come 
10 terms with their homosexuality, who 
do not regret their sexual orientation 
and who can function effectively sex- 
ually and socially, are no more distressed 
psychologically than are heterosexual 
men and women." 


SEXUAL NONREVOLUTION 
PRINCETON, NEW — JERSEY—SÍxDy-five 
percent of Americans still consider pre- 
marital sex "always wrong," according 
to а Gallup Poll. The groups most 
opposed to such sex were persons 50 
or older, regular churchgoers and 
those who had not gone beyond grade 
school. Among persons 18 10 29, those 
with college backgrounds or described 
in the poll as “unchurched,” slightly 
over half were strongly opposed. Few- 
er Catholics (64 percent) took this posi- 

tion than Protestants (71 percent). 


SETBACK FOR BROTHELS 

RENO—A Federal district-court jury 
has decided that prostitutes working in 

ada’s legal whorehouses are, in fact, 
employees and not “independent con- 
tractors.” The verdict came as a dis 
appointment to brothel operators, two 
of whom had brought suit against the 
Internal Revenue Service, arguing that 
the girls were not salaried employees 
subject to withholding and Social Se 
curity taxes but were self-employed 
persons from whom the G 
must collect taxes directly, 


GOVERNMENT ASSISTANCE 

austin—University of Texas officials 
have expressed their gratitude to the 
U.S. Department of Health, Educa 
tion and Welfare for supplying 15 
chimpanzees to set up a chimp-breed: 
ing center that would supply the ani- 
mals to research facilities throughout 
the Southwest. However, the letter 
from a UT vice-president went on to 
add that breeding would be something 
of a problem, since all the chimps were 
male. 


COHABITATION MENACE 

FAYETTEVILLE, NORTH GAROLINA—A 
superior-court judge has called upon the 
state to enforce its law against unmar- 
ried couples’ living together, saying it 
can lead to more serious crimes. Judge 
A. Pilston Godwin, Jr., made his re- 
marks after sentencing a man to ten 


years in prison for killing his girlfriend 
during a struggle over a gun. The judge 
said, All of that fuss arose out of the in- 
timacies arising out of unlawful cohabi- 
lation. ... The state should recognize 
its responsibility and resume prosecu- 
tions.” State law in North Carolina 
dating back to the early 19th Century 
prohibits adultery and fornication as 
well as cohabitation, When asked why 
the law was not enforced, Judge God- 
win suggested that the reason "could be 
the fact that people who enjoy good 
reputations feel there is no crime in 
unlawful cohabitation.” When asked 
why his office did not routinely prose- 
cute that crime, the county district at- 
torney declined comment but said, “I 
have enough things on my mind. . . ." 


COHABITATION RULING 

сшслсо—Тле Ilinois Appellate 
Court has ruled. two to one that a 
mother should not lose custody of her 
children to her former husband simply 
because she is living with another man. 
The court said it was evident from 
testimony that the woman, her boy- 
friend and the children functioned “as 
a family unit” and that “there was no 
noticeable disruption of the children's 
routine” by the living arrangement. 


A PIECE OF THE ACTION 

HAMBURG, WEST GERMANY—Five Ger- 
man insurance executives who had sex- 
ual intercourse with the same secretary 
at a company conference are each con- 
tributing $20 a month to support the 
woman's baby boy, according to the 
tabloid Bild Zeitung. The paper said 
that nine months after the conference, 


one of the men received a note inviting 
him and his four colleagues 10 meet 
with the woman, and all agreed to chip 
in on the child support. 


DOCTORS’ DILEMMA 

sr. Lovis—A Federal appeals court 
has voided part of a Missouri law те 
quiring physicians to warn women that 
they will lose custody of any child born 
alive during an attempted abortion. 
The Eighth U. S. Circuit Court of Ap- 
peals said the law puts the physician 
"in a strait jacket” and that it vio- 
lates the equal-protection and due- 
process clauses of the Constitution. 


FETUS FRACAS 

BOWLING GREEN, KENTUCKY—A jury of 
eight men and four women, agreeing 
with a defense argument of temporary 
insanity, acquitted a 22-year-old woman 
charged with committing ап illegal 
abortion on herself. The woman had 
been turned away by a Louisville abor- 
tion clinic because she was beyond the 
first trimester of pregnancy. Comment- 
ing editorially on the case, the Chi 
Tribune noted that the woman faced 
ten to 20 years in prison and said the 
jury's acceptance of the insanity plea 
“demonstrated more соттоп sense 
than almost everyone else involved in 
this unhappy affair.” The editorial con- 
tinued, “Some [antiabortionists] are 
tempted to nibble away at abortion 
rights at every opportunity—even to 
the extent of prosecuting vulnerable in- 
dividuals [under] a state law which was 
clearly intended for use against quack 
abortionists." The local prosecutor first 
had charged the woman with man- 
slaughter, hut that was dismissed by the 
judge. 


FOOD FOR THOUGHT 

ciicaco—Several local and national 
antiabortion groups have called for a 
boycott of the Chicago Crusade of 
Mercy and other United Way fund- 
raising campaigns until the agency 
stops giving money to Planned Parent- 
hood and other organizations that. 
provide abortion counseling. The Rev- 
erend Charles Fiore, president of the 
Chicago-based Friends for Life, said, 
“We're not going to swallow abortion 
as part of the United Way sandwich.” 


LOOPHOLES IN THE LAWS 

NEW ORLEANS—/ least until the legis- 
lature revises existing statutes, Louisi- 
ana has no law against masturbating in 
department-store vest. rooms or “flash- 
ing" in supermarkets. In two cases, both 
turning on the definition of public 
place in the state obscenity law, courts 
freed defendants charged with those 
offenses because the wording of the law 
technically excluded the privately 
owned and enclosed properties where 
the acts took place. 

In Ketchum, Idaho, a man accused of 


masturbating in his car could not be 
prosecuted for that particular act, po- 
lice decided, after discovering that it is 
not prohibited under existing lewdness 
statutes. So they charged him, instead, 
under a pornography law, with the dis- 
play of offensive sexual material. 


TARZAN GOES TO COURT 

new york—The producers and the 
distributor of an X-rated cartoon titled 
“Tarzoon, Shame of the Jungle” have 


ren sued for $3,000,000 by the family 
of Tarzan’s creator, Edgar Rice Bur- 
roughs. The plaintiffs charge that the 
cartoon, besides being grotesque and 
vulgar, depicts Tarzan not as the “hand. 
some, strong, intelligent, courageous, 
honest" jungle hero of Burroughs. de- 
piction but as “weak, stupid, physically 
unattractive, cowardly, lewd and sex- 
ually inadequate.” Jane doesn't come 
off much better in the film—being por- 
trayed as “aggressive, sexually demand- 
ing, strident and nude for substantial 
portions of the time,” the suit claims, 


CUSTOMER RELATIONS 

The Sambo's nationwide chain of 
restaurants has been coming under 
pressure from civil rights groups to 
change its name to something less "ra- 
cially charged.” Noting that Sambo was 
the main character in a classic. chil- 
dren's book now regarded as racist, the 
head of Connecticut's Commission on 
Human Rights and Opportunities said 
the name “adversely affects the self- 
esteem of blacks in the state and the 
over-all racial climate for citizens.” A 
spokesperson for the restaurants. ex- 
plained that the name was а combina- 
lion of the nicknames of the chain's 
founders, Sam and Bo, but that in some 
communities, the vestaurant's name was 
being changed to Jolly Tiger. 


51 


PLAYBOY 


52 


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when ejaculation occurs before full melt 
ing takes place. Not everyone is as ра 
tient and prepared as your reader. 
Louis Keith, M.D 
Chicago, Illinois 


rtAYBOY regularly reports new devel 
opments in the area of birth control and 
pregnancy testing. It should be pointed 
out to your readers that the sources for 
n often are manufactur 
ers’ claims that are as yet undocumented 


such informa’ 


in actual practice. The same is true 
for the wireservice items that frequent 
ly appear in newspapers, and some of 
those early claims raise consumer hopes 


without fulfilling them, For example 
E 


used by the patients themselves are not 


ly-pregnancy-test kits that can be 


a new phenomenon. Several years back 
one came out called OVA I1. We tested 
it and found that in consumers’ hands, 


its accuracy їп determini ney 


preg 
status was no better than de flip of a 
coin. The new  test—EPT—apparently 
has not been tested by consumers. 1 
addition, the Medical Letter—a not-for 
profit, independent publication on drugs 
and therapeutics—notes that "advertise 
ments distributed in dru 
to consumers emphasize the accuracy of 


stores directly 


the tests; physicians may wish to warn 
their patients that the EPT has serious 
limitations, particularly high false-neg 
tiver 

The prostaglandin agents have been 
heralded as a “wonder drug” for control 
of reproduction ever since their initial 


tes in carly pregnancy." 


clinical utilization in the late Sixties 
However, in practice, the actual record 
to date of the prostaglandins has not 


supported the theoretical claims of its 


advocates. Although early reports specu 
lated that prostaglandin F: 
safer than the other avai 


а would be 
ble abortil 
cients, the two largest studies have shown 


just the opposite. Moreover, because the 
prostaglandin 
effects on many organ systems of the 


gents have widespread 
body, they are associated with such un 
pleasant side effects as nausea, vomiting, 


diarrhea, wheezing, flushing, changes in 


blood pressure and, on rare occasions, ab. 
normal cardiac rhythms that have led to 
death. Therefore, we urge caution in ac 
cepting the still-unproved claims of the 


effectiveness and safety of prostaglandin 


agents for terminating pregnancies. 

The Encare Oval is basically contra 
ceptive foam in a tablet form. One tablet 
of Encare Oval contains fewer active 
ingredients than does one applicator full 
of foam. Thus, it seems highly unlikely 
that the manufacturer's impressive claims 
will, in fact, hold up under normal usc 
In addition, the only study of this agent 
was conducted in Germany by the phar 
m 


ceutical company sponsoring the tab 
lets; that study does not meet even 
minimal standards for good scientific 
work 

We're pleased that magazines such as 


yours help inform the public in this im- 
portant area 
Carl W. Tyler, Jr., M.D., Director 
Family Planning Evaluation 
Division 
Center for Disease Control 
Department of Health, Education 
and Welfare 
Atlanta, Georgia 


GOING ALL THE WAY 
Peter Wilens proposes that those who 
consider abortion murder carry their 


logic further and advocate prosecuting 
women who miscarry through their own 
negligence (The Playboy Forum, Octo 
ber). But what about the guys who jerk 
off? Let's also go after all those back 
room masturbators who are violating the 
spirit of anti-abortion laws by destroy 
ing potential human life. 

A. Bruce 

Toronto, Ontario 


HIGHWAY HAZARD 

Real smart, Mrs. Canoga Park (The 
layboy Forum, September). What а 
great idea to give hubby a blow job while 
traveling on the highway between Los 
Angeles and Las Vegas. I'll bet the per 
son you smash into, because your hus 
band isn't keeping his attention on his 
driving, won't think so. 


Charlotte Stefanic 
Maitland, Florida 


YOU'RE WELCOME 
On behalf of the Government Ac 
countability Project, I would like to ex 
press our appreciation of your mention 
of our Whistleblower's Guide in the Oc 
tober Playboy Forum. We are now receiv 
ing ten requests a day for the Guide. We 
are continually amazed at the number of 
Government employees who either are 
blowing the whistle or are about to do 
so. In addition, because of your Forum. 
we are making contact with many people 
who need our support 
We are glad that you mentioned that 
the Playboy Foundation subsidized the 
printing, for without its generous соп. 
tribution, we could not have gone for 
ward with the booklet 
Louis Alan Clark, Acting Direct 
Government Accountability Project 
Institute for Policy Studies 
Washington, D.C. 


I would like to thank The Playboy 
Forum and the Playboy Foundation for 
their contributions and support for the 
Prison Pen Pal program. Too many 
prisoners lose contact with family and 
friends and are totally forgotten. 

It amazes me to find out that there are 
people out there willing to take the time 
and effort to write to a prisoner. Without 
your help, I never would have known 

This program furnishes names and 
background information to anyone wish- 
ing to write to a prisoner. If any of 
your readers are interested, they can get 


7L have clifched and closed withthe naked ООА 
North, I lurve learned! OSA ЭШЕ 
Shoulder to shoulder we have fought itos .- 
out vet the voild Yggpioin. in the end!" 


53 


Playboy Casebook Update 
MISSOURI JUSTICE FOR JERRY MITCHELL 


“in these parts . . . it may be cruel, but it ain't unusual” 


The state of Missouri, from Governor Joseph P. Teasdale 
to the Missouri Supreme Court, appears still dedicated to 
the proposition that prison is the solution to the marijuana 
problem, 

In November 1976, we reported the case of 19-year-old 
Jerry Mitchell of West Plains, Missouri, sentenced to 12 
years (later reduced to seven) for the nonprofit sale of five 
dollars’ worth of marijuana to an undercover agent intro- 
duced to him by a friend turned informant. Both the 
Playboy Foundation and the National Organization for the 
Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML) went to Mitchell's 
aid, sponsoring an appeal to the Missouri Supreme Court 
on the grounds that the state law wrongly classifies mar 
juana in the same drug category as heroin and provides 
excessive penalties—five years to life for selling any amount 
of pot, “In these parts,” remarked a local reporter, “that 
kind of punishment may be cruel, but it ain't unusual.” 

Mitchell's parents, both blind, mortgaged their small 
house to raise the appeal bond, and during the next two 
years that the appeal was pending, Jerry, their only child, 
continued his studies at the Southwest Missouri State Uni- 
versity in Springfield, Last April, as he was about to com- 
plete his sophomore year, the state supreme court rejected 
his appeal and upheld the state drug law in a decision the 
St. Louis Post-Dispatch called “pious sophistry.” 

Three days before the decision was released, Springfield 
police took Mitchell into custody. “They just came to my 
door without a warrant and they wouldn't even tell me 
what was up until a day later," he told a reporter. "I 
figured it had to do with the supreme-court decision, but it 
was a hell of a deal. 1 would've thought they'd be a little 
more considerate, but they didn't let me call anybody or 
lock up my apartment or get anything to take with me." 
When the court ruling became official, Mitchell was imme- 
diately taken in chains to a state prison at Jefferson City. 

With Mitchell behind bars, NORML attorneys Steven 
G, Gladstone of Columbia and Howard Eisberg of Kansas 
City tried to get him released on bond while they peti- 
tioned the supreme court for a rehearing. When this 
summarily rejected, NORML national director 
Stroup from Washington, D.C., and rLAYnoy Ser iditor 
Bill Helmer of our Legal Defense Team flew to Jefferson 
City to formally petition Governor ‘Teasdale to intervene in 
Mitchell's behalf. In spite of Mitchell's perfect record since 
his arrest, his good record in school, pleas from his parents 
and petitions of some 10,000 signatures from Mitchell's 
fellow students and hometown residents, Teasdale said no— 
after the announced four-to-six-week consideration period 
had stretched. to three months and the publicity had sub- 
sided, He did not wish to “interfere with the proper fu 
tion of our judicial system," he explained, and added th 
he did not consider the state marijuana law too harsh. 

NORML attorneys have since taken the case into Federal 
court on а writ of habeas corpus and are meanwhile at- 
tempting to secure Mitchell's transfer to a minimum- 
security prison close enough to his home town to permit 
visits [rom his parents, who find it difficult to travel. So fa 
even that has met bureaucratic obstacles. 

Commenting on the case, NORML' Stroup said, “The 
whole thing is absolutely incredible. We are dealing with 
medieval mentalities who hide behind piety, officiousness 


and the most dangerous kind of ignorance in claiming th 
public interest is served by locking up a person like Jerry. 
If their reasoning is to set an example, they certainly have 
done that. Every young person in Missouri now has reason 
to fear his lawmakers and law enforcers, but not support 
them or respect them." The Federal action, filed by 
NORML and supported by the Playboy Foundation, is 
now pending. 

Ironically, circuit-court judge Winston Buford, who sen- 
tenced Mitchell (while melodra ly е g pot 
selling to murder), has since been suspended and recom- 
mended for removal from office because of numerous 
alleged violations of judicial ethics, supreme court rules 
and state law in the handling of other cases. 


Reporters and photographers wait outside the Missouri gover- 
nor's office while attorneys petition in behalf of Jerry Mitchell. 


Betty Mitchell, helped by her son Jerry and attorney Howard 
Eisberg, leaves the prison following a press conference. Behind 
Mitchell are his father, Roy, and NORML director Keith Stroup. 


SHERRY BOCK 


ion by writing to Prison 
Pen s, Box 1217, Cincinnati, Ohio 
45202. Thanks а 0, PLAYBOY, for not 
forgetting the forgotten. 

L. J. Lapinsky 


Leavenworth, Kansas 


ore informa 


FETUS FOLLIES 
Just the other day, I read Hugo Carl 
ach’s letter (The Playboy Forum, July) 
about how the Huh Amendment protects, 
or should protect, the fetus from the 
moment of conception, Not long there 
after, God came to me in a vision and 
revealed that the human soul actually 
enters the ovum when it is formed. Thus, 
each ovum, суеп though unfertilized, is 
fully human and obviously has the poten- 
tial for becoming a living being outside 
its mother. More importantly, the ovum 
is а person because of the presence of the 
soul. The implications of the Muh 
Amendment then become obvious. Every 
woman's purpose is to bear just as many 
children as she possibly can, Anything 
less is murder, legally as well as morally 

1 explained all this to a friend, who 
then mumbled somethin, rt 
Amendment, He said true separation of 
church and state requires that laws, 
especially including critical words such 
s person in the Hih Amendment, be 
en a secular interpretation. He also 
pointed out that the Fist Amendment 
preceded the Hth by more than 7 
and therefore the strictly moral interpre- 
tation I wanted to attach to person in the 
Mith Amendment could only really be 
legal if the First Amendment were first 
repealed, He said Mr. Koch's shamefully 
liberal interpretation and, in fact, most 
any rights of the fetus amendment, 
should be similarly barred by the First 
Amendment because of a lack of touch 
with social reality, He even suggested 
that the divergence of my view Irom Mr 
Koch's (he probably even condones con- 
traceptives) underscores the need for 
separation of church and state. 

The First Amendment be damned! I 
have heard God's voice and know my 
duty! I blew that sucker away with my 
trusty .357 magnum and dumped the 
carcass into the Rio Grande. He was 
obviously not in possession of a human 
al and therefore not entitled to pro- 
n under the Hth. 

A True Believer 
Albuquerque, 


about the 


years, 


tec 


ew Mexico 


CAUSE AND EFFECT 

1 wish to express my gratitude for your 
consistent and rational stand on abor 
tion. 1 have heard all manner of hysteri- 
cal anti-abortion sentiments, mostly on 
the subhuman order of Tim Wilson's 
gruesome directives for “glib huckster 
printed in the September Playboy Forum. 

Instead of replying with an equally 
sodden statement, you in effect ask the 
fervent Wilson if he is prepared to accept 
the consequences of repressive legisla- 


tion—those unhappy, unwanted offspring 
who result when there is no recourse to 
safe medical terminatior 

I myself doubt that the anti-abortion- 
ists are sufficiently mature or intelligent 
to grasp the elemental law of cause and 
effect. 


A. D. Montague 
St. Paul, Minnesota 
The anti-abortionists understand cause 
and effect, all right, just like the foes of 
contraception. They figured out that sex 
сап cause pregnancy but won't concede 
that that need not be either mandatory 
or inevitable. 


STAMPING OUT SIN 


Cultural and legal historians gener- 
ally agree that the United States sur- 
passes most other countries in its 
continuing efforts to legislate private 
morality and to solve social problems 
by means of laws. The following poem 
comes to us from an anonymous 
reader in Columbia, Missouri, who 
noted that this issue comes up regu- 
larly in The Playboy Forum. 


Are your neighbors very bad? 
Pass a law! 

Do they smoke? Do they chew? 
Are they often bothering you? 

Don't they do as you would do? 
Pass а law! 

Are your wages awtul low? 
Pass a law! 

Are the prices much too high? 
Do the wife and babies cry? 

"Cause the turkeys all roost high? 
Pass a law! 

Are the lights aburning red? 
Pass a law! 

Paint ‘ет green or paint 'em 
white! 
Close up all them places tight! 

My! Our town is such a sight! 
Pass a law! 

No matter what the trouble is, 
Pass a law! 

Goodness sakes, 
awful! 
My! What are we going to do? 

Almost anything ain't lawful 
And the judge is human, too! 
Pass a law! 


but ain't it 


Our correspondent credits this 
poem to an anti-Prohibition pamphlet, 
circa 1918. 


THE LAST WORD 

Ma sionally teaches 
courses in human sexuality, 1 have been 
following the discussion of bisexuality 
and trisexuality with some interest. 1 
have noticed that none of your corre- 
spondents have taken into account a num 
ber of complex implications inherent in 
attempting such a classification of sexual 
bel i 


ofessor who oc 


First and most obvious, if one considers 
only the "big three" с 
uality—hetero-, homo- and auto», then a 
trisexual would be anyone who engaged 
in all three, a relatively rare but not 


ories of sex 


uncommon circumstance. Further, every 
survey from Kinsey to Hite reveals that 
autosexuality, primarily in terms of mas- 
turbation, is America’s most commonly 
practiced sexual behavior, even occurring 
with significant frequency in marri 
Thus, the term bisexual describes a sig- 
nificant segment, if not the majority of 
Americans, and is thereby not a relatively 
rare or exclusive category. 

When all variances beyond hererosex- 
ual coitus are taken into account, further 
complications arise, Rimging from the 
more familiar outlets, such as voyeurism 
and fetishism, to the lesser known, such 
as frottage and saliromania, one re- 
spected source has defined 256 clinically 
distinct modes of expression. Fhat allows 
for the possibility of duocentiquinqu 
gintihexa-sexuality, a remote possibility 
at best. 

Finally, if the classification is to in- 
clude all possible intravariances, absurd- 
ity predominates. It has been estimated 
that there are 14,288,400 possible posi 
tions for cunnilingus alone (yes, vou read 
right, 14,000,000: see Legman, G., Ora 
genitalism: Oral. Techniques in Genital 
Excitation). Using the round number of 
14,000,000, that gives the potential for 
quattiordecimegacunnilinguality, Asum- 
ing that puberty occurs at the age of 13 
and the average life span of Americans is 
nearly 70 years, that translates to an aver- 
age 57 years of sexually active life. In 57 
years, there аге 20,805 days, or 499,320 
hours. Thus, to qualify as even а quat 
tiordecimegacunnilinguist, one, assuming. 
a "working hours, would have 
to accomplish 56 acts per hour each and 
every day of the week for 57 years (or, to 
put it another way, a conservative per- 
formance of one act per day each and 
every day would require a life span of 
58,6914 years). So, not even considering 
all the other possibilities beyond cun- 
nilingus, the chances of one's even 
approaching the status of "compleat sex- 
мам" is, to say the least, remote. 

Enough of numbers. Let me conclude 
by saying that I think your magazine in 
neral and The Playboy Forum in par- 
ticular are to be commended for making 
significant contributions to much-needed 
enlightened sex education in America. I 
hope you will continue such efforts. 

Hugh Brown, Associate Professor 
tment of Psychology 
International University 
Florida 

Scholars like you, sir, make those con- 
tributions possible! 

"The Playboy Forum" offers the 
opportunity for an extended dialog 
between readers and editors of this 
publication on contemporary issues. Ad- 
dress all correspondence to The Playboy 
Forum, Playboy Building, 919 North 
Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. 


55 


PLAYBOY 


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uma NETL SIMON 


a candid conversation about humor and success with the sunshine playwright 


For almost two decades now, it's been 
apparent that there are. actually three 
things in life that are inevitable: death, 
taxes and a new hit by Neil Simon. Since 
1961, when “Come Blow Your Нот" 
marked the native New Yorker's play- 
wrighting debut, Simon has turned out 
17 Broadway shows and 15 movies, the 
majority of which have been notable 
successes. After "Come Blow Your Horn,” 
Simon quickly cemented his reputation 
as the nation’s leading comedic play- 
wright with “Barefoot in the Park” and 
“The Odd Couple,” and over the years, 
his personal hit parade has marched on 
with such shows as "Plaza Suite," “Last of 
the Red Hot Lovers,” “The Prisoner of 
Second Avenue,” "The Sunshine Boys" 
and “Chapter Two.” Simon adapts his 
own plays for the screen and has lately 
upped his output of original screenplays, 
his three most recent being “The Good- 
bye Girl,” "Murder by Death" and "The 
Cheap Detective.” By now, the former 
TV comedy writer—and chief financial 
backer of his own plays—has become a 
multimillionaire 

Despite his wealth, Simon leads a sim- 
ple life that revolves around his type 
writer—and, as his long list of credits 
would indicate, he is а prodigiously pro- 
lific writer. It isn’t at all uncommon for 


most successful playwright, it amazes me. 
But 1 don't hold on to that for long, be- 
cause often I still think of myself as that 
little boy growing up in the Bronx.” 


more than one Simon play to be on 
Broadway at the same time that a Simon 
film is being shown around the country— 
and, meanwhile, а new Simon play 
and/or movie is in production, while still 
other projects are emerging from his 
typewriter. As we went to press, Simon 
was engaged in a more or less typical 
burst of activity: The film version of 
“California Suite” 
They're Playing Our Song" (his 


was being readied for 
release; “ 
first original musical) was in rehearsal 
prior to a February opening on Broad- 
way; and Simon was putting the finishing 
touches on his sequel to “The Goodbye 
Girl" which will again star Richard 
Dreyfuss and Simon's wife, 
Marsha Mason. 

For all his popular acclaim, Simon has 
had a hard time shaking his reputation 
as a lightweight master of one-liners, a 
kind of playwright's Henny Youngman. 
Newsweek once noted that Simon's plays 
“fairly panted after laughs" and Simon 
himself agreed that was the case until he 
wrote “The Odd Couple.” “Up to that 
point, Га been relentless in my pursuit 
of laughs,” he told a reporter. several 
years ago. “But after ‘The Odd Couple, 
1 was convinced that I could make people 
laugh, so I no longer felt compelled 


actress 


“Boy, this country is into tits and ass. 
I'm all for beautiful girls on TV, but 
I think it’s terrific when they're also 
talented. I hate TV because it’s so и 
talented and tries to achieve so littl 


10... . Гое learned to protect the serious 
moments of my plays." 

Those moments have popped up in- 
creasingly as Simon has matured as a 
playwright, and he now regards his early 
works as “primitive.” A perfectionist, he 
has clearly chosen a profession suitable to 
his nature. “Rewriting is when play- 
wrighting really gets to be fun,” he says. 
“When you do your first draft, you always 
think а miracte is going to happen and 
that you'll get it all right the first time. 
Then, when you read it again a fe 
months later, you see where the flow 
stops and you're grateful for the oppor 
tunity to do it over. And then, when the 
cast first reads it, it becomes very obvious 
what's wrong and you get still another 
chance to correct it.” 

Marvin Neil Simon has been doing it 
right ever since he was 15 and helped his 
big brother Danny write a show put on 
by the employees of Abraham & Straus, 
a Brooklyn department store. After Si 
mon graduated from high school and 
served a hitch in the Army during World 
War Two, his brother Danny—by then, а 
publicity rep for Warner Bros.—got him 
а job in Warner's mail room, At that 
point, they decided to team up as comedy 
writers and were soon hired by CBS radio 
producer Goodman Ace after he read 


"PHOTOGRAPHY BY KERRY MORIS 
“I have a very profound answer to those 
who say comedy is less of an artistic ac- 
complishment than drama: Bullshit. If 
comedy is about something worth while 
and pertinent, it's as important as drama.” 


PLAYBOY 


their description of а Joan 
movie: "She's in love with a 
t to Sing Sing 
the electric chair, and she 
wait for him." Danny and 


is caught and se 


nickname ever since, as a chi 
tated the fam 
for radio comics such as Robert Q. Lewis 
Jan Murray and Phil Foste early 
Fifties, they broke into TI corked 
for Sid Caesar, Phil Silvers, Jerry Lester 
and others, After nearly a decade of writ 


doctor—iwent on to write 


ing radio and TV. sketches, Simon sat 
down and began working o Com 
Blow Your Horn"—4and the 


say іп show-business-history circles, was 


boffo. 
To talk with Simon, PLAYBOY sent vet 
eran intern г lawrence Linderman (0 
meet with the 51-year-old. playwright in 
Los Angeles. Linderman report 
Neil Simon's chief pleasure in life is 
to present hi 


f at his typewriter eve 


day, where, for six hours or so, he can 


ntirely of his own choos 
six feet tall 


oted to ten 


ale wor 


ing, Simon, slightly un 


and slender, is similarly 


nis, and it's no coincidence that his 


office—in a modes 
is located a ha 
Beverly Hill nnis Club. 

Before we t, Га been 


Simon is а far more serious 


partment building 


block away from th 


many of his pl would suggest, and h 
is. He takes nothing for g 1 in life 
especially his own success. He seems con 
stantly to question his worth as а play 


wright, which probi 
so hard. His own hopelessly unrealistic 
vision of the perfect Neil Simon 


one in which, ‘for 119 minu 


ence is hysterical with laught 


the last minutes they ave зо mover 


they leave theater in a d 


nol the kind of goal one expects from a 
craftsman of comedic fluff, which is pre 
isely how 5S 
his sharpest critics and some of his most 
devoted fans, With that in mind, when 
e met in his off to begin ou nter 
I asked Simon a question designed 
get the conversation off ching 
start.” 


non is regarded 


ny of 


PLAYBOY: There's no question that you're 


America's most successful contemporary 


playwright, yet some drama critics seem 


to regard you as little more than a play 


writing factory that manufactures profit 
ible—but trivial—theatrical evenings 
What's your reaction to that 

SIMON: I think people are quick to cate 
gorize all of my plays based on some of 
my plays. Critics have a hard time with 
me because 1 jump around so much in 
terms of my work, I don't write the same 
play over and over. The Sunshine Boy 
for example, is a very serious play that 
deals with old age and its problems. On 
the other hand, Barefoot in the Park is a 
soulllé, and when one make is fame 


based on a play like that, people are apt 


to say, “Ah, that’s what he always writes 
The fame and the money color a lot of 
this. There's something about success that 
makes people suspicious, that m 
them think the work can't really be very 
good if it’s that successful. But I don't 


think the plays could have been success 
ful if critics dismissed them in any 
lump-sum sort of way—and that never 


happened. The good plays continue to 


receive good reviews, the bad ones don't 
At the same time, I've tried to turn this 


whole thir 


; around by Hiring with dan 
ger a lot more. In other words, I've 
started to go into areas 1 ordinarily 
wouldn't have 
PLAYBOY; As a way of counterir 


me into 


your 


critic 
SIMON: No, not just because of that. It's a 
natural outgrowth of where one has come 
from. I'd had а lot of success and a lot of 
ıt I'd like to 
probe a little more deeply in my writings 


ition, and 1 thou 


1 began trying things like The 


bread Lady—about an alcoholic 1 
4 


singer—for which the critics came 


hard on me and said, “No, no, give us 


_————— 


“I see humorin e 


the grimmest of situations. 
And I think it's possible 

to write a play so moving it 
can tear you apart and 
still have humor in it." 


—————— 


that thing you do best; make us laugh.” 
My next play—I don't recall what it 


was—had them la n, at which 


point they said, "Why doesn’t he «¢ 
more deeply?” I then wrote The Good 
Doctor. an adaptation of some Chekhov 
short stories, When the play was being 
performed in New Haven, I remember a 
woman coming up to me during inter 
mision and saying, with a sour look on 
her face, “It's not Neil Simon.” I asked 
her if that meant the play was good or 
bad, and she said, “L don't know. It's just 
not Neil Simon." She had come to expect 
omething else, which is why 1 think that 
if someone else's name had been on Th 
Good Doctor, it might have fared better 
As it turned out, the play did all right 
The reviews were OK, we had a fair run 
ind it's being shown on PBS 

PLAYBOY: We tend to think that woman 


in New Haven wasn't a theate 


rarity—and that people attendi 
plays feel they will, indeed, be tre 


of fast-paced comed 


resent that? 
SIMON: Well, I'm not crazy about it, but I 
have to live with it: It's there and its a 


matter of fact. But I think some of it has 


to do with whatever is the current me 


of the critics. For example, Woo 
Allen's first few n n 
the Money and Run, Sleeper—were dis 
missed by many critics as light and trivial 
When he made Annie Hall. they said 
Oh. this is wonderful, Woody is 


ananas, T 


in Then comes Interiors and some 
critics say, “This is Woody's first seri 
work." and others say, "Well, it's 


really his first serious work—all of his 
work has been serious." They sudden! 
go back and re-examine all of Woody's 
films through their examination of / 
teviors, which they're thrilled by. If 
next play were to be breath-takingly beau 


tiful and marvelous, I think critic 


reexamine my other work more favor 
ibly. This doesn’t pertain to all critic 
of course: there are many who say I'm 


doing great work I'm хотел 


T 
affected by that kind of criticism and I 


can't escape it completely, even th 


I generally don't really listen. A numi 


of years ago, Walter Kerr wrote that onc 


of the reasons for my success is that I 
don't listen—not only to the critics but 
to anyone 

PLAYBOY: Do you, like Allen, have an urge 
to write a serious drama 

SIMON: No, I'll never try to do what 
We 


is to write 


attempted in Interiors, which 


hing that's totally with 


out humor. For one thing, | couldn't 
do it, and I have no desire to do it. It's 


not that 1 want to make pe 


ple laugh. it's 
just that I see humor in even the grin 
mest of situations. And I think it's po 
sible to write a play so moving it can tear 
you apart and still have humor in it. I 
feel I'm a 


ways moving in and out of that 


type ol iion. California Suite, for 
instance, contains four one-act play 

two farces and two very serious picce 
One of these is about this terribly wiu 


English actress and her antique-dealer 


husband who've come to Hollywoo 


the Academy Awards, and there are а ke 


of carly jokes about the film indus 
You laugh, but suddenly it turns into thi 
very dark play in which you discover that 


the husband is bisexual, which cu 


enormous friction in their marriage 


see that they love each other 


through love, they will muddle through 
but always desperately unhappy. Despit 
the fact that it's laced with laughter, it's 
а serious picce—but the laughs thro! 
people off. They may think, Well, it can’t 


be very serious if I'm laughing at it 


Some critics react 
work. The man from The New Yo 
Times, for one, was happy durin 


first act о, which wa 
The sec 


ver, turned into the stark reali 


very, ve 


of what had happened to me: I'd sur 


vived the death of my first wife, I'd gone 
into second marriage with Marsh 
Mason and, feeling guilt and all of the 


A good pair of boots called Wrangler. 


To live in. Depend on. Enjoy. 


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59 


personal repercussions of it, I'd lashed 


out at Marsha—and I wrote about it. Ger 
tain critics said, "Don't give us that, don't 
suddenly change in the middle, Make it 
all light." Well, my life wasn't all light. I 
mean, the first few months of my mar 


riage to Marsha were flushed with ro 


mance and happiness but then one 
suddenly had to deal with the past. Many 
critics want it all one way: They want it 
all comedy, not something that grows 
more serious. 

PLAYBOY: Theater critic asid is there 
iny particular reason why—as indicated 
by your recent plays—you've pulled back 
from writing straight comedies 

SIMON; I'd say it's because there's no joy 
ınymore in repeating myself. D don't 
want to write а play or a movie that's 
inything like another play or movie I've 
done before. I now have to go into new 
territories in order to keep myself inter 
ested in the work, which is one of the 
iuen my first original 
rd 


works 


musical, Th Playing О 


previously adapted. three o 
into musicals, and the only one I really 
loved was Prop у 
based on ВШ Wilder movi Th 
1 After that, I got loads of 


йет» to do more adaptations, but there 


in turning 
omeone else rk into a musi 


PLAYBOY: Hav our instincts about your 
work ever stecred you wrong 


SIMON: О! [ 1 wa wrong about 
The Gooi í 1. When I r it, I 
thought it would just be a nice litte 
picture for Marsha ind me to € 1 
у, The G Girl was an answer t 
what 1 felt was happening in the film 
industry—that there was too much movi 
violence for sake of violence. I 
wanted to write about two peopl 
саге for each other and who сап show 
that there's still some love left in the 


world. 1 mean, I see love around me per 
onally, in my relationships with my wile 
ind children, but 1 don't see it up there 
on movie screens. In any case, when I first 
ww The Сос Girl in а screening 
room, 1 really liked it, and I thought that 


Id make its cost back 


just maybe it v 


There's no way in the world I'd have 


would become an enormous 


predicted 
hit, because I was sure that very few 


people would be interested in а picture 


that told such а very small story 
PLAYBOY: Why 
so well 

SIMON: I feel it had to do with the purity 
ind healthiness of the rel 


» you think the film did 


nship be 
»saw Th 


| in а movie theater, and 


tween the two characters. E al 


Goodbye 
more and тоге, I see how important it is 
for an audience to root for your charac 
ters, to care very much about what hap 
pens to them. When people care, even 
the slightest joke will get a big laugh, for 
they'll be so caught up in what's going 
ght 


on. If they don’t care and are not ca 


up. уои need blockbusters every two nig That was the background for 


minutes and even that won't fulfill an Slept Here, which was to be a 


iudience. But when 1 was writing 7 n about a young New York actor who's 
ye Girl, 1 didn't know married and has a couple of kids, and 

would be jumping out of their seats at who gets this big part in a movie and 

everything that happened to this couple. goes out to Hollywood 

1 was just writing a nice little movie that PLAYBOY: Why wasn’t it filmed 

was the eventual result of another screen- SIMON: Oh, we went i duction 

play Га written called Bogart Slept H it. Mike Nichols was t rector, an 

PLAYBOY: You wrote a screenplay that it starred Robert DeNiro and Marsha 


аг the m 
ing to work DeNiro 
T Di m a Friday 1 


ng А 
wing Moi 


wasn't produced but after а week, it 
SIMON: Not exactly. The story behind wasn 
The бос 
La Ronde, Bogart Slept Here, whid 


tarted it all, was a screenplay about suc 


las finish 


Girl is as complic 
1 


walked in the 


e he still ıt character i 


cess and what it does to you. I was his mı you've sec D i 
writing from personal experiences, and kno’ kind of character he played 
not only my own; I deal with a lot of ан don't imi ly shake 
uccessful people and I see how it affects thir \ ult, what we hac 
them. I decided to do а story al n o for sever wetty gri 
actor Who becomes an overnight succe lty "n redy. Eve iv T 
ind when I wrote it, I had Dustin Holl rearran fit DeNi 
man in mind, because Dustin went у think is a brilliant actor. I'm not st 
through that about the same time I di Kid о! com 
in his early 30s. Dustin was then 1% gee ar: 
talented but struggling off-Broadway ас duane t been dol 
tor no one had ever heard of, Well, M “р ked it out, but 
sinc \ hooting а film and it wa 
costing $30,000 or $10,000 a day, Nichol 
“I was all wrong about called it off after ck. It wa 
Е smar to do, and I thought Mik 
"The Goodbye Gil. wa ive to do it, because һе wa 
When I wrote it, I thought pic Minog ea: Flan iio 
i Rr Me с f nure with The Fortur 
it would just bea : Ud B 
nice little picture fo a К egar 
ii » the direc т а Y 
Marsha апе to d mo " ever, we still 
lidn ctor for DeNiro 
— Rid E 
Nichols tested him to star in this been tol in't interested or І 
movie he was about to direct, The ( 1 ither of whic It turne 
ind. there really wasn't a € » \ ted, so we 
Dustin would get the part. Th lio hi Marsha do a reading. By then 
ıs talking about Robert F wd. М 1 1 € 1 with the im 
ren Beatty and ¢ other major star ıt fearful of the script. I fel 
but Mike very courageously said " didn't work with DeNiro 
want this unknown." Dustin once i mething wrong v 
me about the moment he found ou м ile, 1 was thrilled b 
had the part. He and Anne, his wife, were chen tween. Marsha and Richard 
at home when the telephone ran ind who rk ach other ictor n 
Dustin picked it up. He was at one е woth have enormov rgy and an enor 
of their hall, Anne was down at the other, mo í the t 
and су could see each other Mike X ther her. M 
Nichols was calling from the West Coast solution was to write a different pictu 


ind Dustin's part of the conversatio 1 wanted to keep the char 
І I 


went something like this: “Yes, I see, OK uggling young actor. So I 


Great. Gee, that's terrific." He hangs t Slept Here and be 
he's got the picture and he looks at Anne ;oodbye Girl. The ne 
ind she knows it, too. And they also in the movie—when Nic 


knew that their lives had changed inex son comes into the dressing room 


orably—it was as if Dustin had been and asks Richard if he'd like to 


picked to go to the moon. Now, the pic » be in 


[ wie—was actual 


Slept Н, 1 


1 backward from there becaus 


ture could have flopped, but it didn't, ly the beginning of B: 


and having embarked on this 


ind having reached the moon. » write a romantic story show 


did—their lives were inexorably hese two people meet, And I 


Which happens to many people in bus 


nesses where one can achieve fame over- success: Richard won the Academy 


cre surprised by the film's 


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PLAYBOY 


62 


Award, we all were nominated, and we'll 
be doing a sequel to The Goodbye Girl 
this summer. It'll be called Mister Fa- 
mous, and I'm using Bogart Slept Here as 
the basis for the screenplay. About all 
that remains of that script is that Richard 
will be playing an actor who becomes 
famous overnight. 
PLAYBOY: Peter Falk claims that 90 per- 
cent of the actors he knows walk around 
saying, “Where would I be without Neil 
Simon?" Do you think Dreyfuss is a mem- 
ber of that club? 
SIMON: No, because Richard's own work 
and talent have made him a star, and I 
think h 
what. But it's true that I've helped а lot 
of actors, because I'm very aware of the 
actor's needs, and I generally try to write 
really good parts. I also think I'm a good 
caster of roles for my own vehicles, and 1 
try to discover actors, in a way, by find. 
ing them just before they make their 
breakthroughs. For instance, 1 
Walter Matthau in a few small movie 
roles, and when I saw him as Natl 
Detroit in а New York City Center pro- 
duction of Guys and Dolls, 1 thought, 
Hey, this guy is sensational! So I sug 
gested him for the role of Oscar Madison 
in The Odd Couple and—bammo!—the 
combination of Walter and that charac- 
ter made him a star 

Obviously, I can't take credit for 
covering Richard Dreyfuss in any way, 
because he'd already done quality films 
such as Jaws, Duddy Kravitz and Close 
Encounters of the Third Kind. The 
Goodbye Girl, however, captured all the 


4 have become one no matter 


1 seen 


facets of his personality and allowed him 
to make a breakthrough and become a 
major star. I think he's going through 
some interesting. changes now. Richard 
had wanted to win the Academy Award 
all his life, and now that he's won it, he's 


not rushing into picture after picture. 
He's done one film since The Goodbye 
Girl—The Big Fix, which I liked a lot 
Richard's not planning to do another 
film until we shoot Mister Famous in 
July. He went off someplace in Gon 
necticut to study with the Royal Shake- 
speare Company. All Richard wants to 
do is improve his craft, expand himself 
and le: 
PLAYBOY: Would you say that, as a result 
of appearing in The Goodbye Girl, your 


n to become a better actor. 


wife has also become a major star? 
SIMON: To be honest—even though I 
sometimes use the word mysel{—I really 
don't know what a star is, and I think 
Marsha would tell you the same thing. Is 
a star someone people always line up to 
see? If so, then I don't think there is 
such a thing, because, with the possible 
exception of Barbra Streisand, if a pic 
ture isn’t good, people just won't 
see it, no matter who's in it. In any case, 
I think The Goodbye Girl allowed 
Marsha to show another side of her 


> to 


talent. Up until then, about the only 
comedy she'd been in was Private Lives. 
She really never knew she could do 
comedy. Marsha was raised in the clas. 
sics and enjoyed acting in dramas like 
The Crucible and Cyrano. I guess the 
first time she came to anybody's atten- 
tion was in Blume in Love. That was 
certainly the first time she came to my 
attention. I married her not too long 
afterward. 

PLAYBOY: When did you meet her? 

SIMON: A little over five years ago, when 
she came to audition for The Good 
Doctor. 1 did that—an adaptation of 
Chekhov's stories—because I'd always 
written in the New York idiom, and this 
ive me a chance to deal differently with 
language. I'd still only seen Marsha in 
Blume in Love and I was very surprised 


that she wanted to be in the show 
Well, she read half a page at the audi 
tion and I turned around and said 
“Let's hire her," Her range was really 
extraordinary. She asked for a certain 
salary and 1 didn't even try to get her 


for les, and she wanted a six-month 


— 
""There'sa lot that 
I like about California, 
but I miss the vibrations 
and the almost electrical 
input you get from 
New York City 


contract, and that was all right, too. 1 
just wanted her in the play 

PLAYBOY: Did anyone suspect you were 
giving her the role when what you really 
wanted to do was marry her? 

SIMON: Marry her? I 
her, The last thing I v 


idn't even know 


s thinking of was 
gettir Really, she inter 
ested me purely as an actress. As a matter 
of fact, І didn't know if Marsha herself 
was married, engaged or what 

PLAYBOY: How long did it take you to 
find ou 
SIMON: I didn't see Marsha for a month 
after her audition—she went back to 
California and І continued doing re 
writes for the play. Our relationship sort 
of started on the first day of rehear 
when I was again awed by her capabili 
ties. But 1 was also trying to deal with 
the play. The Good Doctor was made up, 


married а 


I think, of 12 scenes, and there was a lot 
to deal with. Yet I just kept looking over 
at her, At that point, 1 was attracted to 
Marsha more as a person than as a wom 
an, but when we did start seeing each 
other, we got married after three weeks 
If I had thought about it a lot, I prob. 


ably wouldn't have done it, but I 
plunged into marriage because my in- 
stincts told me it was right, that Marsha 
was the right girl. I also thought, naively 
and not very clearly, that if it didn't work 
out, I'd just say goodbye. It probably 
wasn't very fair to 
we were both willing to take our chances 
and follow our instincts 

PLAYBOY: Very soon after that, you moved 
from New York to Los Angeles. Was that 
because of your marriage’ 
SIMON: Yes, but it actually had to do with 
where I was in my own mind. After 
Marsha and 1 were 
ued living in the house I'd lived in with 
my first wife for more than ten years. 


ther one of us, but 


arried, we contin 


[Joan Simon died of cancer at the age of 
39 in 1973.) Everything in that house on 
62nd Street had been picked out by 
Joan, and 1 felt I had to move out. And 


then I thought it would be a good idea 


to get away from New York, because 
everything in the city—everything—re 
minded me of Joan, 1 mean, there was 


no way to escape those ghosts, and as it 
is, they stayed with me for two years, no 
matter where I was. But to give Marsha 
and myself a chance at а new life, I felt 
it was mandatory that we get out of New 
York. Our first thought was to settle in 
San Francisco, because Marsha had 
worked there and liked it, and in the few 
visits I'd made, 1 liked San Francisco, 
100. So we went and investigated it, and 
1 came to the conclusion that life in San 
Francisco would be insane for me: 1 
didn't know a single soul in that city, 
and 1 found I couldn't walk around 
town very well because the hills are so 
steep you need a rope and an anchor to 


get around. Whereas I knew everybody 


in Los Angeles. So we g 
in New York and just 
geles with my two dau, 
while, I really loved it. Marsha and 1 


ve up the house 
ed to Los An 


мег». And, for a 


were rediscovering old friends and find 
he pace of lile much more leisurely 
in New York, and loving the warm 
winter weather and playing tennis— 
everything was really sensational. And it 


isn't until now that I'm beginning to say, 

Uh-oh.” At this point, I've begun to 
find life in California a little arid for me 
PLAYBOY: In wl 
SIMON: In several ways—but I'm not one 


twa 


of those people caught up in that whole 
territorial-imperative thing about how 
New York is the best place in the world 
I mean, I've heard New Yorkers put 
down Californ 
smok 


t the same time they're 


ng 80 cigarettes a second and their 
s up to 5000 over 4000. 


blood pressure 
There's a lot that I like about California, 
but 1 miss the vibrations and the almost 
electrical input you get from New York 
City. Granted, I can't take that all the 


time, because it's too high-powered and 
I run down in energy, mostly because 1 
put so much energy into my work. And 


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The Rose's Gimlet. 


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That's because Rose's Lime 
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vodka, gin or light rum without 


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rting itself 


To make the Rose’s Gimlet 
properly, simply stir 4 to 5 parts 
vodka, gin or light rum with 
one part Rose's Lime Juice. 
Serve ice cold, straight up or 
on the rocks 

Tonight, try the Rose's Gimlet. 
It's made with elegance. To 
make you feel elegant whenever 
you have it. 


63 


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66 


I don't like getting tied up in traffic and 
getting tied up in all the thing 
tied up in in New York. And yet I miss 
it, so Marsha and I have taken an apart 

ment in New York. and next year, after 
my younger daughter goes off to college, 
1 think we'll begin dividing our time be 


one gets 


tween the two places. 

I've been away from New York for 
three years now and I've begun to feel 
too much out of contact with it. As 
writer, I have to draw from resources I've 
built up within me over the years, but I 
know that I can't write a quintessential 
California play—and 1 can write a New 
York play, And I want to make sure I'm 
there often enough to continue to do 
that. 1 don't want to be caught between 
two places and become a kind of man 


without a country 
PLAYBOY: Couldnt you become a Gali- 
fornian? 

SIMON: II I lived here another 50 years, I 
don't think I'd ever be a Californian 
For instance, in New York, I like to walk 
down the street and meet p 


le and 
What are you doing 


say, "How are you 
tomorrow night?” But you don't bump 
into anyone in Los Angeles. And И you 
do, they're people who are invariably in 
volved in show business, and. they talk 
about the business all the time. Another 
thing: In California, everybody's got 


these plastic smiles and they always want 
to make life pleasant. They've taken 
the conflict out of it. I think that in 
Southern California, people are very 
concerned about making their lile com. 
fortable, while back East, they're more 
cerned with making their life interest 
ing. If I had to make опе comparison, I'd 
say that when it's five below in New York, 
it’s 78 in Los Angeles, and when it's 110 
in New York, it’s 78 in Los Angeles; but 
there are 2,000,000 interesting people in 
New York—and only 78 in Los Angeles 
There may be a hell of a lot more, but 


it's hard to find them. Everybody in Los 


e director 
"Well, E really want 


Angeles wants to be a 
That's all you hear 
to direct 

PLAYBOY: And we thought Hollywood was 
а hotbed of aspiring actors. Were we 


: No, that's also true. In Los An 


geles, actors want to gi 
New York, they want to 
The 


work at your cralt to become 


into movies; in 


imo theater 


illerence is that you've really 


stage actor. Of the people who recently 


auditioned in Los Angeles for They're 
Playing Our Song, Vd say hall of them 
had never been on 
thought they could. fa 
television you сап use cue cards and in 


stage. yet they 


€ it, because in 


movies you can get through а take here 
and there. Well, sou can't lake your way 
through a stage performance. You know, 
in the last few years, I've seen a real 
change in movie actors. When Holly 


wood finally broke away from using only 
guys who had the leading-man looks of a 
Robert Taylor or a Tyrone Power, actors 
like Dustin Hoffman, Al Pacino and 
Robert DeNiro came along and every 
one said, “Right, it’s not important to be 
good-looking. Audiences want to identify 
with real people. 
turning it back the other way 
The reason we're getting all of these 
plastic dummies—the — perfect-looking 
guys who have their hair sprayed, the 
gorgeous girls who cannot act onc 
word—is that, for the most part, TV 
shows are designed to play for adolescent 
audiences. The networks have decided. 
that youngsters want to look at pretty 
people, but who knows if that's truez 
The networks think it is because onc 
show like Charlie's Angels worked—and 
TV is an imitative medium 
TV has begun to invade the film indus 
uy: The rock stars 
John Travolta are coming out of televi 
sion and going into movies. 

PLAYBOY: You don't care lor Travolta? 
SIMON: Travolta is fine. I've only seen 
him in Saturday Night Fever, which 1 


Television is now 
und 


And now 


d actors such as 


——— 
“Really, one can hardly 
call the writing on 
‘Charlie’ 
or the ac ting, acling. 
It's junk, but the 


Angels’ writing, 


girlsare beautiful.” 
—— ——— €— 


loved, and he's very talented; whether or 
not he'll have longevity remains to be 


seen, But I'm not even talking about 
people of his caliber. I'm talking about 
the young actors one sees on TV shows 
these days. I haven't seen every show, 
but after watching the promos for them, 
there's no reason to even want to watch 
the shows 

PLAYBOY: A lot of people do, however 
How do you explain the changes in 
television since the days when you were a 
IV comedy writer? 

SIMON: Well, when I worked in TV 
and I'm going back at least 20 years 
now—lor the most part, TV sets were 
owned by fairly affluent people in urban 
areas. You were dealing with а much 
smaller audience and a much more sophis. 
ticited audience, And so you could have 
programs on the air like The Ernie 
Kovacs Show, Your Show of Shows and 
Sgi. Bilko. In those days, television 
wasn't the money game it is today. The 
profits weren't that enormous and the 
rating games, although they went on 
weren't nearly as big as they are now. А 


few months I watched а 60 Minutes 
segment devoted to the TV rating 
and 1 couldn't believe what 1 saw. A 


vice-president of one of the networks 


up and said, “We're not interested. in 
being number three. We're not inter 
ested in being number two. We're out to 
»e number one!" And they're out to be 
number one at any cost. In other words, 
put on any shit in the world to attract 
the largest audience you can, becausc 


sponsors will then have to pay more to 
buy onto your show. Well, in order to 
become number one, you have to give 
them not quality but whatever has 
scemed to work in the past by trick or by 
accident—like Three's Company, which 
is just pure crap, or Charlie's. Angels 
Really, one can hardly сай the writing 
on Charlie's Angels writing, or the act 
ing. acting. It’s junk, but the girls are 
beautiful. Who knows what will happen 
ball teams are 


now that professional fo 


giving us our choice of 50 beautiful girls 
Boy, this country is really into tits and 


ass. Is it the medium that's giving it to 
us, or is that what this country wants 
PLAYBOY: Obviously, PLAYBOY has its own 
opinion on the subject, but what do 
you think? 

SIMON: 1 don't know, and I listen to the 
so-called experts and none of (hem seems 
to know if it’s the chicken or the egg 
Believe me. I'm all for beautiful girls 
but 1 think it's terrific when they're also 
talented. The reason 1 hate television so 
much is because it’s so untalented and 
tries to achieve so little. For the most 
part, the only thing it tries to do is make 
money. All entertainment forms try to 
make money, of course, and all of them 
have their high spots. The one thing I 
like about TV is that it deals with areas 


the movies are no longer interested in 
At one time, movie studios would make а 
film of Pride and Prejudice; go hnd a 
movie company that would want to make 
Pride and Prejudice today. But a TV 
network would do it 
use Farrah Fawcett as one of the major 
characters, I find it incredible that а 
girl's head of hair could make her a star 
PLAYBOY: You wr st of the big. 
gest TV comedy shows of the Fifties 


provided it could 


e for m 


Did you feel any sense of excitement 
about being part of what many observers 


have called television's golden age of 


comedy? 

SIMON: It's hard to say whether the era 
was exciti 
bein 


or if the exciting thing was 


in my early 20» and working for 
Not that all the 
shows were exciting to work for; writing 
The Red Buttons Show was no thrill, and 
I hated working on The Jackie Gle 


Show. Gleason had very little respect 


the top shows on TV 


r 
his writers, or at least that was the сазе 


duri the short time I was there, Sid 


Caesar, however, knew that his success 


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PLAYBOY 


68 


depended on his writers, and he got the 
best in the business. Larry Gelbart, Mel 
Brooks, Gary Belkin, Mel Tolkin, Joe 
Stein, Michael Stewart—Sid put together 
an incredible group of writers and he 
paid us the highest salaries in TV. Work: 
ing on Your Show of Shows was a terrific 
learning experience for me. Max Lieb. 
man, who produced it for two years, 
wasn't a writer, but he was a great editor. 
We worked in front of a live audience 
ind, unlike TT today, we couldn't cut, 
edit or put in the laughs. И we didn't 
get them from our audience, we died 
that night 

PLAYBOY: You were earning $1600 a week 
as a comedy writer when you be 
ing yourself out of television. Weren't 
you worried about turning your back on 
that kind of money 

SIMON: Yes, but I could see the end of the 
road. I thought, This is what I will be 


ın phas 


doing for the rest of my life: I will just 
be writing television shows 

PLAYBOY: Were you a frustrated. play 
wright? 

SIMON: No, I was afraid to be a play 
wright. 1 didn't think I had the talent to 


be one. І was an avid theatergoer and 


after watching plays by writers like Ten 
nessee Williams and Arthur Miller, I'd 
say to myself, “That's big league, I can't 
do that. Î can just write sketches for Your 
Show of Sho My fear was that I'd 
stay in one place for the rest of my life, 
and I felt a need to grow, I wanted to go 
on and at least write movies, but my 
nt at the William Morris office told 
me it would be difficult to get me а movie 


job, because all 1 had were TV credits 
And certainly, nobody says, "Hey, kid 
we'd like you to write a play.” You've got 
to do that on your own, so 1 made up my 


mind to do it 

I think 1 was 29 years old at that point, 
and I went out to California to work on 
а Jerry Lewis TV special. I'd written onc 


before with Mel Tolkin, but when this 
one came around, Mel was busy on some 
thing else and Jerry asked me to do it 


myself. It was а huge challenge for me, so 
I went out to California, rented a house 
for two months and in the first week, 1 
wrote two sketches and showed them to 
1 


Jerry. “They're perfect." he s and 


that's all you have to do, I've three 


songs and a couple of interviews, which 
you don't have to write. I needed two big 
sketches and now I have them." I said 

But I've rented a house for seven more 
weeks. What do I do?" And Jerry said, 
Do whatever you want to do. 

So I used the time to start. writing 
Come Blow Your Horn, but not rcally 
with the intention of having it appear on 
Broadway—that would've be 
frighten 
just to see if I could write 120 p: 


1 too 


I started it as an exercise, 


Having read a lot of books on playwrit 
ing, 1 knew that you should write about 
ed, OK, I know 


what you know. I fig 


my family, so ТЇЇ do something abou 
how my older brother Danny and I left 
home and took our first apartment, and 
what it was like in those days. I then sat 


down and began writing the play—and it 


took me only three years to fin it 
PLAYBOY: А case of writer's block 
SIMON: No, it was a case of not knowing 


the first thing about how to write a play 


There were very few blind alleys 1 


missed. For example, I'd make an out 
of the play and Га find that the play 


wouldn't conform to the outline beca 


the characters wanted to go where / 
wanted to go, and I didn't know how to 
catch up to them. 1 also didn't know how 


to get my characters on or off the stage 
they would just leave. There was a lot to 
learn, and I had to keep doing it over 
ind over, which is why the process took 
three years. Really, it was a horrible ex 
perience: I rewrote Come Blow You 
Horn 20 times, and 1 mean 20 times from 
beg g to end. Г say that in the firs 


ten versions of the play, there probably 


—————————— 
“Would you believe that in 
the original draft, ‘Barefoot 
in the Park’ was setina 
chalet in Switzerland? 
I still had a lot to learn." 


wasn't one sentence that was used in 
Come Blow Your Horn, In the mean 
time, I had to support my family, anc 
during those years, 1 literally had no tim: 
for myself, my wife or my children: Dur 
1 on Th ( 

Moore Show, writing sketches for Carol 


ing the day, 1 workec 


Burnett, and at n ıd on weekend 


1 worked on Con Your Horr 
When I finally finished it, I was sure I'd 
never have the energy to spend another 
three years writing a play. But ( 


Blow Your Horn was semisuccesst 


ran two years without ever filli 


and the royalties I received, alu 
nearly what 1 was making asa TV 


were enough to subsidize me for another 


year to get my next proje 


when | started Baref 


ch turned out to be a big smash hit 


w 


and I was OK from then on in 
PLAYBOY: Was Barefoot in the Pi à lot 
easier for you to write? 

SIMON: There were fewer blind alleys for 
me, but only just fewer. For example 
would you believe that in the original 


draft, Barefoot in the Park was set in a 


chalet in Switzerland? How does a. play 
set in a Swiss chalet eventually wind up 
taking place in a little apartment off 
Third Avenue in Manhattan? Simple: I 
still had a lot to lear After many abor 
tive attempts, I realized I had to take my 


Barefoot. characters. out of that exotic 


setting and stick closely to the truth 
which was the reality of what happened 
to Joan and me in our first year of mar 


riage. Writing the next play, The Odd 


Coup isn't easy, either. In fact, al 
thoug ome easier now, they're 
never easy. And I still don't always know 


d, but at least 1 


at's bad. One of 


if what I'm writin: 


can pretty much tell v 


the tests is to put somethir away for a 
while and then go back and read it. If I 
can read something Гус written fiv 
months later and still like it, fine. On the 
other hand, I might just end up saying 
My instincts were right—this is crap 


PLAYBOY: How many times have you actu 
Шу jettisoned a work in 
SIMON: I've got the begi 


lrawer, and they range 


from five pages up to an entire movic 
that I wrote for Marsha and 
olds. We read it, everyone thought i 


jurt Reyr 


was wonderful, Columbia offered me a 


fortune for it—and I said no, I didn't 
like it. And it's back in the drawer and 
will stay there 

PLAYBOY: In the past few years, you've be 
come as proi а screenwriter as you 
ге а playwright. Do you enjoy writing 
for the movies as much as you do writing 


SIMON. playwriting is still the most 
important aspect of my life, beca 
when I'm writing а play. what I visual 

is exactly what the audience sees. t 

you direct a film, it's really out of your 
hands—I'm talking about the interpret 
tion of t material now, not the word 
With »mebody else, another writer car 
be то! but they're not going to 
do th Anyway, in а play, if ther 


ctors onstage and one is saying 


and the other is doing some 
thi audience always sees both. Ina 


film, the director will be cut 


ictor to the other. By now, Гуе found that 
its reall waste of tin for me to indi 
cate the cuts in a movie. For instance, if 
been built the way I visual 

he director might not be able to 

shoot a scene from a particular angle: or 
if there's a shot that 1 want to emphasize, 
I can note, for example, that after onc 
particular line of dialog we should cut 
to the closet, where, let's say, someone i 
hiding. But in the editing room, they 
may cut to that closet an extra time or 


one less time than E want, which is why I 
always have to keep my fingers crossed 


On the stage, however, nothir 


the flow of a scene except the end of it 


and nothing stops the natural rhythm of 
one's writing. In а movie, the constant 
cuts and different camera angles change 
the rhythm of one’s writing. The reason 


I work best with Herb Re 


ecting my 
films is that he understands the rhythm of 
my writing and tries very hard to keep it 


Even so, whatever I see on the screen is 


always a surprise to me. In order to 


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PLAYBOY 


72 


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achieve in films what I can achieve on the 


stage, I'd not only have to spend every 
day on the set, ГА also have to spend 
every day in the cutting room. That's 


why Woody Allen writes, directs and usu- 
ally acts in his own films—because he 
truly wants to control his material. He 
once asked me to direct the stage version 
of Play It Again, Sam, and I'm sure I 
would've screwed it up for him, because 
Га have made him change it due to my 
own point of view. I don't think I'd ever 
be good for someone else's work. 

PLAYBOY: Do you have any desire to direct 
your own work? 

SIMON: No, I'd much rather have that 
done by someone who's willing to spend 
all his time on direction. I learned early 
on that I could never direct what I write. 
When The Odd Couple went into re- 
hearsals, we spent the first day reading the 
script, and the first act was terrific, the sec- 


fic, 
ond act was even better—and the third 


act was a shambles. Mike hols was the 
director and I asked him, "What do we do 
Mike said, “I rehearse the first and 
second acts and you go home and rewrite 
the third act.” 

It had taken me about seven months to 
write The Odd Couple, which meant I'd 
spent about two months writing the third 
act. Well, I went home and rewrote the 
third act in a week—and when I brought 
it in, it was worse than the first version, 
Now 1 was really in trouble, because I 
was running out of ideas. We stayed with 
the early version of the third act through- 
out rehearsals and the outof-town tryout, 
and all during that period, I did rewrite 
after rewrite, until 1 finally got what I 
wanted. What would I have done if I also 
had had to direct the pl: There's no 
way I could've had the energy and talent 
to do both things well. I feel the same 
way about directing a movie: I have no 
desire to do it, If I stopped writing plays, 
then I might be tempted to direct the 
films I write, but I really don't get 
enough kicks just writing screenplays. 
PLAYBOY: You mentioned that your 
screenplays are never tampered with, yet 
we've heard scores of horror stories about 
what can happen to a script from the 
moment a writer finishes it to the time 
the film appears—and that's happened to 
the work of even the most respected 
Hollywood screenwriters. How have you 
been able to avoid that trap? 

SIMON: Whatever power I have that way 
has been given to me because I'm a name 
playwright who's also been able to write 
some successful movies, But just being a 
name playwright doesn't do the trick for 
you, although, God knows, there aren't 
many name playwrights around. You 
have to be able to make the transition, 
for there are some brilliant playwrights 
who haven't been able to write commer- 
cially viable movies. And I suppose there 
are some brilliant playwrights who aren't 


now 


interested in writing movies. It's certain- 
ly true that for a long time, my only 
interest was a case of take the money and 
run. I considered myself a playwright, 
and I wanted to stay in New York and 
around the theater, so I used to just send 
my scripts to the West Coast, fly out for a 
couple of meetings and then return to 
New York. I really did not want to get 
involved in motion pictures. And I think 
not having a hand in the making of the 
pictures hurt them in a lot of areas. 

uch as? 

SIMON: Casting, for one. In the theater, 
any director worth his salt is going to con- 
sult the author and ask, “Is this who you 
had in mind?” Again, it goes back to the 
theater's being а playwrights medium, 
with the director there to interpret your 
play. In the movies, I'd say that 95 pe 
cent of the time it's a director's concept; 
and even when he’s given a script, he 
makes it his concept. But because of my 
unique position, I don’t really live in 
that world, or at least I haven't for the 
last six or seven years, But earlier on, 1 


— 
“I never wanted Walter 
Matthau to appear in 
all three parts of 
‘Plaza Suite, a movie 
that I don’t think 


works at all.” 


was a victim of that principle. For exam- 
ple, I never wanted Walter Matthau to 
appear in all three parts of Plaza Suite, a 
movie that I don't think works at all. I 
wanted Walter just to be in the last 
part—as the bride's father, who tries to 
break down the bathroom door to get his 
daughter to go to her wedding. Para- 
mount told me Walter wouldn't do the 
film unless he got all three parts. My 
vote was to skip it and get three other 
people. I thought an audience would get 
tired of the same actor and that only by 
having three different actors would we be 
able to maintain people's interest. Well, I 
lost that argument completely, and, as it 
turned out, I think I was right: Walter 
was really only good as the father of the 
bride. He was not good in the two other 
pieces. There were also some faults of 
my own in that picture: There was no 
reason to shoot it all in the same suite. I 
could have opened the picture up for 
Walter by using much more of New York 
and the Plaza hotel. 

PLAYBOY: Have you often been on the 
losing end of such casting decisions? 
SIMON: Well, it’s hard to generalize or put 
a number on it. I've done three pictures 


with Jack Lemmon; I thought he and 
Walter were terrific in The Odd Couple 
and that Jack was perfect for The Out- 
of-Towners. But The Prisoner of Second 
Avenue needed someone more ethnically 
right and much more urban. Jack, to me, 
does not portray a typical New Yorker. 
I wanted Peter Falk, but the studio told 
me, “Look, Peter's not a name—and Jack 
isa big name." Big names prove nothing 
in the wrong picture: The Prisoner of 
Second Avenue never really grossed any 
money, so we'd have done just as well 
with Peter. One of the reasons І often 
don't like doing movies has to do with 
the compromises you sometimes have to 
make. For example, 1 couldn't use Diane 
Keaton in The Heartbreak Kid, and if it 
had been a play, І think I would've won 
that fight. 

PLAYBOY: Did you want her for the Cybill 
Shepherd role? 

Хо, I wanted her for the Jeannie 
part. Jeannie is Elaine May's 
daughter, and Elaine, who was directing 
the mov sted on using Jeannie, By 
then, I could make a choice, and it was to 
either € Diane Keaton and lose Elaine 
y or keep Elaine with Jeannie Ber- 
nie turned out to be quite 
good in the picture and she won an 
Academy Award nomination, but I'd 
ne doubted her acting ability. My 
quarrel was that she's obviously not as 
attractive as Cybill Shepherd. Diane 
Keaton is very attractive. And my point 
was that the movie wasn't about a guy 
who leaves an unattractive girl for a 
beautiful girl like Cybill Shepherd— 
that’s too easy. The movie was about the 
kind of man who'd find flaws in whatever 
woman he was married to, no matter how 
good-looking she was. 

PLAYBOY: Did you discuss that with Elaine 
May? 

SIMON: Yes, and Elaine was quite willing 
to deal with Jeannie as an unattractive 
girl; she did not attempt to make her 
beautiful. She also knew how talented 
Jeannie is, and she is a talented girl, but 
so is Diane Keaton, Diane Keaton gave a 
reading that was to die! 1 mean, it was a 
knockout! And I said to everyone around, 
“There is no contest. This girl is spec- 
And this was before Diane 
Keaton had made her breakthrough. 
She was sensational—and she didn't get 
the part. 

PLAYBOY: If you felt so strongly about it, 
why didn't you replace Elaine May? 
SIMON: Well, despite losing out on the 
Jeannie Berlin question, 1 knew that 
Elaine was so gifted that she'd bring 
things to The Heartbreak Kid that a lot 
of other people wouldn't. She also, as it 
turned out, put in things Z didn't have 
in the script. She turned The Heartbreak 
Kid into a Jewish versus WASP могу, 
which I hadn't written. I never wrote in 


73 


PLAYBOY 


74 


а Jewish wedding with guests dancing all 
around and the groom stepping on а 
glass. I had a very neutral wedding, be- 
cause I didn't want to play on that. 
Elaine got around the clause in my con- 
tract that says my words 
by simply shooting a different kind of 
wedding. These kinds of things finally 
stopped happening—and my attitude to- 
ward movies changed—when I met up 
with Ray Stark, who's the best film pro- 
ducer I've ever worked with. 

PLAYBOY: What makes him the best? 
SIMON: He's smart, he's tasteful and he 
knows when to turn the reins over to you. 
I trust Ray's sense of what's right for a 
film much more than 1 trust what any 
studio tells me, especially his ideas on 
casting. The first film we worked on to- 
gether was The Sunshine Boys. 1 wanted 
to do it with the ¢ al Broadway 
cast—Jack Albertson and Sam Levene— 
and Ray bought the film rights to the 
play on that basis. I was not going to sell 
out, and I'd already had the chance to 
do so: At one point, Bob Hope offered 
me 51,000,000 for the property for him 
self and Bing Crosby to do. I thought it 
was absolutely wrong for those two to 
portray а pair of aging, Jewish vaude- 
villians from New York. I was being very 
idealistic, and I felt that if Jack Albert- 
son and Sam Levene could be wonderful 
onstage, there was no reason they 
couldn't be just as good in a movie. Ray 
slowly started. me thinking beyond that, 
and 1 finally wound up agreeing with 
him: There's no way Jack Albertson and 
Sam Levene would've been able to attract 
a nationwide movie audience, and be- 
cause of that, we'd have had to make the 
film very cheaply. As it is, even with a 
star of Walter Matthau's caliber and with 
George Burns winning an Oscar, The 
Sunshine Boys—the best film translation 
of any of my plays to date—grossed only 
around $10,000,000. So I think Ray was 
right about that. But until we decided to 
go with Walter and George, well, it was 
a long process. 

PLAYBOY: Were they your first choices 
after Albertson and Levene? 

SIMON: No, they weren't. Ray's first idea 
was to use Jack Benny and Red Skelton, 
and 1 thought they'd be great for it. In 
movies, if there's some doubt as to who 
should get а part in an important film, 
even the biggest stars will test for it. For 
example, when Gone with the Wind was 
made, actresses like Paulette Goddard and 
Susan Hayward did screen tests. For The 
Sunshine Boys, every middle-aged and 
older comic in the business, no matter 
how big, was quite willing to test for it. 
Well, Red Skelton and Jack Benny did a 
screen test, and they were magnificent. 
Jack's only problem was that he lacked 
à little bit of energy; he was starting to 
show the effects of his illness, which was 
just beginning. But he was as sweet as 


"t be changed 


could be and terribly funny. Red Skelton 
was brilliant, but Red had problems, 
although I'm not quite sure what they 
were. Нез a very strange man. He 
wanted infinitely more money than the 
were willing to pay at the time, and he 
later accused us of having bad taste and 
publicly said he'd never do a film in 
which he would call his friend a bastard. 
I thought it was pretty silly, but, at any 
rate, it just never worked out with him. 
We started to look for someone else to 
work with Jack Benny and we decided 
on Walter Matthau, because the role 
called for a great deal of energy that a 
man of 80 probably couldn't give us. We 
hired Walter to do the film with Jack, 
then Jack became very ill and died. When 
we got over that, Herb Ross, the director, 
and I thought of George Burns—and the 
studio was against it. С 
known only as Grac 
man, and the studio didn't think he was 
an actor. "They were suggesting all kinds 
of actors, including Laurence Olivier. 
Really crazy. Herb and 1 had George 


“For ‘Sunshine Boys,’ 
Herb Ross and I thought 
of George Burns—and the 
studio was against it. 
The studio didn’t 


think he was an actor." 


come over and read and after he did a 
couple of pages, we knew the man was 
just perfect, And it's incredible to see 
what's happened to his career since then. 
Ray Stark felt the same w »out 
George that we did, and I really think 
he's got almost mystical powers that en- 
able him to get the best possible casts for 
his films. For California Suite, he's assem- 
bled a cast of Jane Fonda, Alan Alda, 
Bill Cosby, Richard Pryor, Walter 
Matthau, Elaine May, Maggie Smith and 
Michael Caine. Generally, you can get 
only two or three actors of that caliber in 
a movie, and that's because compromises 
are made to keep the cost of a movie 
down. Well, California Suite is an expen- 
sive movie, but I feel the only way it will 
work is by having people of that quality. 
PLAYBOY: You recently stated. that. Cali- 
fornia Suite is your most optimistic work 
since Barefoot in the Park. In what sense 
did you mean that? 

SIMON: I think I meant I'm not writing 
about as many neurotic people as 1 have 
been. I'm trying to write about. people 
who have not necessarily ап optimistic 
view of life but certainly a hopeful one. 
1 must tell you that I truly hate talking 


about the work; 
instinets. / good at dis- 
secting my plays or my psyche. 
PLAYBOY: Bear with us, if you will, 
though. Your comments about California 
Suite seem similar to remarks you made 
about Barefoot im the Park—and it 
seems to us that when your life is happy 
and carefree, so is your work. Would you 
agree? 
SIMON: Yes, but it changes, and I re: 
never know where the work is cc 
from, For instance, when I wrote The 
Odd Couple, 1 thought I was writing a 
black comedy. That really sounds ridic 
ulous now, but when 1 was working on 
it, I was thinking about divorce and 
about two men who are basically un- 
happy. I suppose you could practically 
trace my life through my plays, because 
they always come out of what I'm think- 
ing about and what I am as a person. I 
may have started Come Blow Your Horn 
when I was 30, but it was about myself 
at the age of 21. Barney Cashman in Last 
of the Red Hot Lovers is a little bit of 
the way I was feeling when I wrote that 
play, because I was then in my early 40s 
and here was this whole sexual revolution 
ing on, and a lot of it had skipped 


y all of the 


PLAYBOY: Arc you tied that closely to most 
of your characters? 

SIMON: Oh, they're not all me—and yet 
they are. Evy Meara, the alcoholic, sex- 
ually provocative nightclub singer in 
The Gingerbread Lady is obviously not 
me, yet when I write her, I have to say, 
"OK, I'm Evy Meara. How do I feel 
about this moment? How do I react as 
Evy Meara—and not as Neil Simon?" 
Well, I have to draw on my observations 
of people I know who are like Evy 
Meara, and those observations then get 
funneled through my own thought proc 
ess, which means that she's got to pick up 
a little bit of me. I've also seen that, in a 
way, my characters reappear: Mel and 
Edna in The Prisoner of Second A 
are, in some respects, those kids from 
Barefoot in the Park 20 years later. But 
they'd changed, because 1 was very down 
on New York at that point, which is 
about when the taxi drivers started. put- 
ting up those barriers between themselves 
and their passengers. It seemed to me 
symptomatic of what was going on in all 
our cities: People were so alienated and 
so fearful that they were separating them- 
selves from contact. And not without 
cause, for а lot of cabdrivers were getting 
mug d killed, and it was pretty 
unsafe to walk the streets. I decided to 
make а statement about those urban ills 
and to do it in the form 1 write best 
comedy. That's the way for me to get a 
point across to people. Playwrights like 
Edward Albee and Arthur Miller have 
another way of doing it. 

PLAYBOY: Docs it seem to you that comedy 


enue 


is usually regarded as less of an artistic 
accomplishment than drama? 

SIMON: Yes, and I have a very profound 
answer for that: Bullshit. There is noth- 
ing very uplifting about bad comedy, but 
the same is true of bad drama. I just 
think it’s pointless to denigrate comedy, 
but it probably happens because there's 
so much bad comedy around today, par- 
ticularly on television. I mean, if you 
watch TV comedies and equate those 
with all comedy, then it's all crap, true. 
But if you look at comedic plays like 
Born Yesterday or Mr. Roberts—which 
encompasses both comedy and drama, 
the kind of thing I like to write—they 
are the equals of almost any of our good 
plays. I also think that if a comedy is 
about something worth while and perti- 
nent to our lives, then it's as important 
as any drama could be. 

PLAYBOY: What do you think of Woody 
Allen's recent comments about Interiors, 
when he said that writing comedy is eat- 
ing at the kids’ table, while writing seri- 
ous drama is eating at the grownups’ 
table? 

SIMON: I found it very strange. I grant 
you that if comedy is trivial, then it’s not 
very important, but quite a few of Amer- 
ica’s finest dramatists have attempted 
comedy and have fallen flat on their 
faces. Others use comedy in almost all 
of their plays. Tennessee Williams, for 


example, is one of the funniest writers in 
America, and almost all of his major 
plays contain a great many laughs. 4 
Streetcar Named Desire is really funny— 
and ісу also one of the most powerful 
plays in American theater. I just think 
that anything devoid of humor is empty. 
PLAYBOY: How would you define your 
style of humor? 

SIMON: The humor itself is often self- 
deprecating and usually sees life from the 
grimmest point of view. Much of that, I 
think, can be traced to my childhood. I 
grew up in a family that, split up dozens 
of times. My father would leave home, be 
gone for a few months and then come 
back, and I felt that our life was like a 
yoyo: We'd be spinning along pretty 
good, and then—zap!—the string would 
break and he was gone. At those times, 
we never knew where our next meal or 
dollar was coming from, and my mother 
occasionally had to take in boarders. We 
once had two butchers living with us, and 
they paid most of their rent in lamb 
chops and liver. In retrospect, I think 
that's funny, but it wasn't funny when we 
were living through it. The relationship 
between my parents was stormy and aw- 
ful, and at night I'd try to block out the 
reality of it by putting a pillow over my 
head and not listening to their argu- 
ments. During the day, when I wasn't in 
school, I'd always dash off to the movies. 


I went to see everything—Bógart, Gary 
Cooper, all of the Chaplin films. The 
comedies were my greatest release, and 1 
remember always having the ability to 
make my friends laugh. My older brother 
Danny always encouraged me to be fun- 
ny and whenever I said something even 
remotely witty, he'd say, “That's fantas- 
tic" Danny, who always wanted to be 
a writer, was funny in a different sort of 
way. He was like a Mel Brooks: He could 
tell an incredible joke and do dialects, 
Danny is still a brilliant editor in terms 
of comedy writing, and he generally 
needs to work with somebody. I think 
that’s why he encouraged me so, and we 
wound up writing together for many 
years. 

PLAYBOY: When did you discover that you 
were funny enough to make a career in 
comedy? 

SIMON: I knew 1 funny all through 
my teens, and I was much more outgoing 
then than I am now. By the time I got to 
be 20, whenever my friends and 1 got 
together, I would be the group's focal 
point in terms of humor. They would 
“Did you hear what Doc 
аз my nickname. 1 was con- 
stantly on, constantly performing, Then 
1 got married and began working on TV 
with a pretty heavyweight group of com- 
edy writers, and even though it was hard 
to be funny in an outspoken way with 


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© The баепе Company, 1978 


75 


PLAYBOY 


пуз like Mel Bi 
iround, 1 


till a funr 


ml mure The perfect Screwdriver. 


i cg vm oe penThe Club 
om Nu 0-03 and you've got it made. 


don't feel 1 d all 

the time. I also have a thir jut no ( 

laying ир ссе А 5 PLAYBOY: Would 
probably comes from some 


instinct SIMON: Well 


World с 5 $, 
interestir 
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iy that i sarily o 
I 
hy awa ип publicity 
ts but i y for i I 
might be neve ik 
PLAYBOY: 11 m't shy aw from that 
Reportedly, you're wort 000,000, ing th 
How much time do you spend managin sie 
that kind « ctor 
SIMON: Fir 1, I сап assur D hut u A wide awake blend of vodka 
there's no $32,000,000. And I spend al. C9'sciously desi m to bie ж i and orange juice. We mix our 
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1 If mixed more drinks than any- 


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leave to you is to sip and enjoy. 

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NATURAL FLAVORS AND CERTIRED COLOR 
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Prepared by The Club Distilling Co., Hartford, CT. 


PLAYBOY 


78 


in the atmosphere of Berkeley, and it 
just was lousy 

PLAYBOY: Saint-Subber, who produced a 
number of your plays оп Broadway, has 
said that when you finish writing a play, 
you're close to both a mental and a physi- 
cal breakdown and that you're almost 
dangerous to be around. Was he over- 
stating the case? 

SIMON: Well, to a degree, that's fairly ac- 
curate, but I don't think I should be put 
away or locked up. I could be invited to 
dinner and not make а fool of myself 
at all. To me, writing a play is analogous 
to à marathon runner crossing the finish 
line, collapsing and then gasping for 
breath. 1 don't know the depths of my 
exhaustion, but an enormous amount is 
always taken out of me, and when I 
finish a play, I generally have gone into, 
if not a state of depression, then a state 
of exhaustion. And then I have to go in 
front of that firing squad on opening 
night, It's torture, but I don't. panic. I 
deal with it very calmly, but inside, little 
termites are e; ay at my system. 
For the opening night of Come Blow 
Your Нот, 1 had to run backstage and 
et a shot of brandy during both inter- 
missions, and I thought I'd never be able 
to live through it. The same thing hap- 
pened with Little Me, but then it started 
to get easier as the plays got better. 
PLAYBOY: There have been years when 
you've had three or four plays running 
the same time on Broadway. Are you eve 
surprised by the impact you've person- 
ally had on the American theater scene? 
SIMON: Well, when I keep reading that 
I'm America's most successful playwright, 
yes, that surprises me. It amazes me. But 
1 don't hold on to that for very long, be- 
cause 1 quite often still think of myself 
as that little boy growing up in the 
Bronx. І don't walk around thinking, 
Hey, look who / am. More often, I'm 
thinking, Will this next play be good 
enough? It wavers. Sometimes I'm walk- 
ing on top of the world, knowing I've 
done really good work today. At other 
times, I walk around muttering, “Shit, 
I bungled it.” But I don’t denigrate my- 
self too much. I know that I've been an 
influence on the theater, because 1 hear 
it from people who come up to me 
wherever I am, mostly young actors. I've 
rarely met a young actor or actress wh 
hasn't been in Barefoot in the Park some- 
place. "There are scenes in that play that 
are often used for auditions and are used 
in acting schools to teach comedy. So I 
know I influence, but you 
never really satisfied. You want every- 
thing you do to be terrific. 

PLAYBOY: You've been writing one play a 
year for some time now, and you've 
cently begun to write one play and one 
screenplay a year. Is there any reason 
you've stepped up your production? 


SIMON: It's some kind of applied pressure 
I put on myself, because I siy thot I'm 
a working playwright and that's my job. 
What would I do if 1 didn't write plays 
and films? More important than that, 
these are my productive years. If 1 found 
something I wanted to do even more, 
then I'd do it. But I haven't. I've found 
the best form of expression for me, the 
healthiest outlet for all of my neuroses 
and frustrations, and it's also the best 
way for me to share my joys. And I'm 
able to do it now and do it well. It 
would seem unreasonable to me for Jim- 
my Connors, for example, to say, "Well, 
1 had a terrific year, I'm goin ike 
the next two years off." I'd say, 
you blew years 26 and 27, and you might 
come back at 28 and still be terrific, but 
those were years when you should have 
been playing.” ‘That's how I approach 
my work. I'm not the kind of person who 
thinks, Well, I made a lot of money dur- 
ing the last several years, so I don't have 
to do this anymore. I don't write plays to 
make money. I write plays because I en- 


————— 
"I don't want to be horny 
when I'm 70, because 
ill be so hard to fulfill. 

I mean, trying to pick up 
some girl when you're 
70 is difficult." 

— 


joy writing them, and these are my pro- 
ductive years. 
PLAYBOY: Do you worry about not having 
too many productive years lef 
SIMON: Sure I do. I feel it, and it doesn't 
apply only to the work; I also feel it 
a person, I've gone through two major 
changes in the last ten years in terms of 
age. Turning 40 didn't bother me, but 
when I was 4l, I really went bananas. 


s 


I was ready to give up my mar nd I 
wanted to turn back the clock to 32 and 
begin my life all over again. I got over 


that very quickly—and then, all of a sud. 
I turned 50. 1 thought, Hey, this is 
nning to mellow and to let 
go of all those hang-ups I had, and to 
feel I don't have to prove myself any- 
more, I can just enjoy my life. And then 
I turned 51 on July fourth, and I'm be- 
ginning to feel the same sort of depres- 
sion I felt when I was 41. I'm not acting 
the way I did then, because I know I 
can't turn the clock back to 32. The 
are tough, because you really feel that 
g out. It’s not that you're 
racing toward old age and death, it's 
that you're running out of productive 


time is run 


ou turn 40, you say good 
but you also see tl 
» before you 


years. Whe 


now I have only nine years before 
I'm 60, and I don't know how much 
longer I can be productive, What really 
frightens me is that I won't want to write 
anymore, that I will lose the desire to do 
it. What also scares me sometimes is see 
ing a 70-year-old man turning around to 
look at a really attractive 21-year-old. 
girl, and I say to myself, Oh, no, don't 
79. 


tell me you still have it when you’ 
I don't want to be horny when I'm 70, 
because it'll be so hard to fulfill. I mean, 
trying to pick up some girl when you're 
70 is difficult. 


її'ї that sound like a very 
" to want to hold on to? 
nd I think it's healthy to 


SIMON: Yes, 
want to hold on to life at all. The saddest 
thing I ever heard was Samuel Beck 
phrase “It takes such a long time to dic. 
I mean, talk about morbid. Oh, well, һе 
has his point of view, I have mine. And 
it doesn’t really change from day to day 

1 always look forward to the beginning 
of a new project. It's like а rebirth, I 
just hope that when I'm past 60, 1 can 
still come up with a really fine play every 
few years. 1 don't know how valid this 
is, but I recently read a review of Ten- 
nessee Williams’ newest play, Vieux 
Carré, which opened in London to re 
views that hailed it as one of the best 
pieces of work he’s done since he first 
started writing his great plays. 1 was jubi 
lant about that, not only for Tennessee 
Ww ms but for myself. I thought that 
if that guy can come up with it again 
66, then it’s possible for me to do it, too. 

PLAYBOY: Meanwhile, all that’s a long 
way off for you. Do you have anything 
else planned in the inte 
SIMON: Well, I still see myself writing a 
play and a movie each year for at least 
five or six more years; but if my urge to 
do it starts to diminish, what I'd love to 
have, with Marsi is a little theater 
somewhere that fostered writing and act 
ing and where we could put on our own 
experimental plays. 1 would teach, write 
and direct plays, Marsha could act and 


ect plays—it could be the idi 


1 thing 
for me. I don't want to do it right now, 
but I think it could be the most practical 
way for me to pull back from the pres 


sures of the commercial world and still 


be actively involved in the theater. Fa 
ing that, of course, 1 might be 
make the pro- 


ble to 
is circuit. That w 


make me very happy. But I use о 
those Prince rackets with ап oversized 
face. Do you think they'll keep me out 
because of that? 

PLAYBOY: We don't think so. You could 
always leave the 


vughing. 


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79 


PRINTING BY HERB DAVIDSON 


PLAYBOY 


82 


would be all right to write about the 
baron and the visit, I was told, but it also 
would be all right merely to partake of 


t The baron was in thc 


his hospitali 


habit of ranging widely for an interesting 


blend of house sts, and an 


American 


journalist and his wife fr America 
would round out the list nicely 

So, havi ‹ зах T coul rout the 
Rothschilds, and having been bitterly 
cursed by a number of friends who did 
know their vintages, my wife and I ar 


rived at the Bordeaux airport on a drizzly 
fall afternoon, Waiting t et us by 


green Mercedes. limousir ere the 


baron's press a her a 


tant, a por 


ter and the chauffeur. We introduced 


ourselves and the press agent, a 1 
e Viennet 
was relieved to find that Thia and 1 both 


Parisian woman named Geor 


ke French. The porter scooped up 


our luggag we off 


The afternoon began to clear during 


he hourlon to the chåteau 
through the Mé wine co On 
either side of us were pebble n fields 
with row upon row of thin rt vines 
We had read that on thi retch 
of France, just a few miles wide and 
long. were four of the five сти 
(first gro of great Bordeaux vintage 


But it was still striking to see famous 
names we'd seen only оп expensive 
labels now flashing past us merely as 
road signs: CHATEAU MARGAL KILO 
METERS . . . CHATEAU LAFITE-ROTHSCHILD- 
NEXT RIGHT 

We came upon Cháteau Mouton 
Rothschild suddenly. It was unmarked 
save for an obelisk by the side of the 


1 polyhedron on top of 


road with a 
it, At first, I 


Past manicured lawns and flower beds 


xk it for the Star of Dav 


тозе a plain, stone structure, cream 


colored, two stories high. I asked Georgie 
1 


where the cháteau's turrets and gables 


were: she lained that there was a 


smaller building I couldn't see, nestled 


at would meet my те 
эш it was used only for 


What we 


was the main cháteau, à conve 


among the tre 
quirements, | 
formal dinner aw before us 


that the baron and his wife had turned 


into something we would Georgic 


assured us, quite spectacular 


Outside the main gate zina 


line at attention, were attendant 


in uniforms, evidently waiting for the 
urival of someone important. To my dis 
comfiture, it turned out we were the 


VIPs, and our lu 


before I could explain which was 


1 
ye was w away 


We were led through the front door 
into a marble hallway and up the wide 
tairs to the second-floor living quarters. 
The main living room is long, with 
plants everywhere, and paintings and 
sculptures—César, Dubuffet and Bran 


cusi, among hers—lining one wall, a 


series of half-moon windows along the 


look out on 


uich are lit up in 


other. The 
Mo 


the evening and which stretch as far 


on vineyards 


ıs сап be seen, At the far end of 
room is a life-sized 16th Century Italian 


od, a wry reminde 


gins 


hite-jacketed butler told us that 


le Baron 


Monsic 


uld be j us 
shortly for high tea and, in t n 
time, poured us glasses of Henriot cham 
pagne. Та and 1 were standing he 


dows with Georgie and her 


ng at the gently swelling 


Г slippe 
behind us 
Hel 


my уо friends," said a 


ice. "I am Rotl 


I had researched Baron Philipp 


fore leavin 1 
omewhat pr \ 
the maverick 1 
nfluence i 
rivaled for 200 years. 1 knew, too he 
produced some of the best—and most 
ех wine n the world. What 
went beyond fairness, or even credibil 
is that he was also a poet, a scit 
1 ın а race-car driver, a yacl 
m ' Ider, a film maker, a be 
nessman and an art collector, It became 
yet more galling to find, as the stor 


1 left a lasting mark in 


each of his cl fields, no m how 


briefly he dabbled in them. А couple of 
writers had used the term Renaissance 


man in describing 1 


troduced himse 


55, with a firm, 


of stillauburn hair 
He resembled Pica 
malan 


а when 
main. As to hi 
e noticed Thia 

There was some introductory « T 


that meandered from French to Ev 


and back again, and we sat down to tea 


baked in t chátea 
resh honey purloined from the chátea 


and dish had an individual design 


re were 170 china settings anc 
we were to have a different display at 


h meal. 


It was carly evening, so w 


retire” to our 


rooms to rest and freshen up. Our 


had known very little about us 


vance, or what ot 


eping habits migt 


1 genteel 


Thia was given the large Chinese Bed 


room, while the ining Monkey Bed. 


family members is 


ıt their 
show c 
Г 
asked u 


rved for m 


cau Mouton is namec 


а tall tangerine tree potted in 
Thia’s room and a giant, car 
stood i t center i 
1 us that Elizabet 
Ф. ind, wl 
ck bef ıd used 
ints had unpacked ou 
laid our clothes in separ 
My rented do and Т D 


In € 
lering a 
looking a 
eard a | 
ick to her roo: 
›ггїйєй fir 
" had nea 


after its decor 


ich room 


Benea 
vell d 
laced Т 
Пр 

| 
n the sir 


1s enorm 
T 

de of P 

апаке 


а vision of the ‹ 
le figure ing on that 
le it unt able to cor 
ther t 
was at nine and we ga 
] ' mal dre 
Т Guy Dum 
Schmidt, a trical produc 
Ingrid man (she se 


Philippine Pasc 


woman w 


s in 19 


the old ric 
ld group in 


about ourselve 


Qc 


"Will you do me a favor, Miriam, and stop asking 
if there's anybody there?" 


84 


FATHER KNOWS BEST 


photographer ron vogel has been 
snapping pictures of his daughter ever since she was a baby. 
at 21, she’s still his favorite model 


While Ron shot Playmates, three-year-old Lexi 
(above) tried to mimic their sexy poses. 


ONGTIME readers of rtAvmBov will no 
doubt be familiar with the name Ron 
^ Between the years 1958 and 
1968, Ron shot ten centerfolds for this 
magazine, five of which are reproduced in min- 
iature on the opposite page- Shortly after he be- 
n shooting for rLAYnov, Ron and his wife, 
Audry, had а child whom they named Alexis, 
and what with all the naked ladies posing in 
Ron's studio day after day, it was only natural 
that little Alexis would develop a certain affinity 
for the camera. "Once," Audry recalls, “when 
Ron was shooting a Playmate, Lexi came into 
the living room and said, ‘You can shoot me now, 
Daddy.’ She was three at the time and she had 
nothing on, just long red curls down her back. 
She just decided she was going to be shot in the 
nude, too. She had the cutest little tush." And so 
it began, Over the years, Ron has, in his own 
words, “taken hundreds of pictures of Lexi i 
various states of undress. She has youth and у 
tality greater than most of the models I've 
worked with and her coloring is extraordinary, 
to say the least; she has earthy tones and dark, 
sort of penetrating eyes.” For Lexi, posing for 
her father was a way of getti is attention. “I 
was a little ham,” she recalls. “I'd try to get my 
dad's attention away from his models. The mod- 
els thought it was cute!" Even as she grew older 
id developed into a 
oman, Lexi didn't 
pick up any inhibi- 
tions about posing in 
the raw. “Its always 
been very Casual 
around here," she says. 
“We've always been a 
nudist family, so I nev- 
er had any problems 
that way for my 
Audry, who 


claims to be the only woman in the country who 
runs a photo agency that deals exclu 
nude photography, concurs, “I've been involved 
with nudity all my life: nudity is beauty.” Even 
today, the family will occasionally visit a local 
nude beach, and Lexi, who is an accomplished 
equestrienne, sometimes rides nude, Which 
brings us to Lexi’s other great passion in life 


› 


horses. Since the age of nine, she has been 
riding and taining horses. At the ripe old 
age of she won first place in the United 
States national bareback-riding championship 
competition and, since then, has won more than 
200 other h ship titles. “I taught riding 
for years," she tells us. "A lot of my students 
have won championships. I stopped at 18 and 
got into retailing for a while, working in a 
department store, but 1 decided that just wasn't 
my cup of tea. Right now, I'm just beachcon 
ing, you might say, but eventually I'd like to 
race and possibly buy some property and start 
raising horses." The idea of posi ade with 
one of her horses appealed to Lexi. “The result 
is sort of what you п 1 а Western pic- 
torial,” she says. “The horse in the pictures is 
named Santan. I own four altogether—Brandy, 
Sierra and Dapper are the names of the others. 
One's a registered Appaloosa, the three others 
are registered quarter horses." As for Lexi's oth- 
er pastimes, one of her 
projects for the near 
future is to organize 
the many photos her 
father has taken of her 
"You wouldn't believe 
all the pictures he's 
ken—boxes а 
єз!” she says, "Someday 
soon, my mom and 
I are going to put 
together ап album." 


rsen 


d box. 


After testing for light, Ron shows Lexi a Polaroid, 
shot in front of the stables (opposite page, bottom). 
“Posing nude for me throughout the years has made Lexi 
very free about herself,” says Ron. “As a child, she 


was a very good little octre: 


; a bit of a ham, maybe.” 


А random sample of Vogel's gatefold shootings 
done for PLAYBOY over the years (from left to 

right): Lari Laine (May 1958), Carrie Enwright (July 
1963), Gale Olson (August 1968), Reagan Wilson 
(October 1967) and Nancy Scott (March 1964). 


85 


Winner of numerous riding championships, Lexi owns 
three quarter horses and an Appaloosa, all of which 
she trains and cares for herself. "My goal is to win 
the Kentucky Derby one day,” says Lexi, who plans 
to attend a local school for jockeys soon. 


When he’s not working in his Canoga Park, California, 
studio, Ron likes to come out to the stables and help 
his daughter care for the horses. “I'll work them 


out a bit,“ says Ron, “but when it comes to training, 
Lexi usually does the final polishing work.” 


Taking care of four horses can be a chore. "Every- 


day, | clean out their corrals,” says Lexi. 


“It sounds 


gross, but it’s good exercise shoveling the 
you-know-what. | feed them and groom them every 


day and ride them three or four tim 


s a week.” 


Besides modeling, riding and occasionally helping 
her dad out as a stylist, Lexi likes to spend 

her spare time partying, dancing, playing the guitar 
‘and jamming with her musician friends. “And,” she 
interjects, “1 jog every morning, five days a week.” 


/. 


If you haven't guessed yet, Lexi's оп animal lover. 
Besides the boa constrictor she had for seven years 
("Her name was Tasha and she never hurt onyone 
in her whole life”), Lexi has two cats, a cockateel 
and (left) “a really neat dog named Chester.” 


Weekends are always spent riding 
her horses on the beach. “It’s a natural high,” 
she says. “It’s a free, exhilarating sensation, 
being on such a powerful animal. It can 

also be an extremely erotic feeling.” 


article BY DAVID B. TINNIN WITH DAVID HALEVY лю over inter- 
N E national waters; а highly excited, heavily armed skyjacker has forced his way into-the cockpit of an 

American jetliner. While continuing to fly the plane in a normal manner, the captain activates a 
secret alert system. At a ground station, the message is received: Aircraft hijacked. Within seconds, 


the. П -the Сим» Center in the bascmentof the White House. The'duty officer lifts a oan 
red telephone. “Mr. President,” he says, “we have a skyjacking.” The O S-tfucedeavith (he most "s 


delicate and dangerous problem that the world has to offer: how to rescue a planeloüd Of ра 
hostages on foreign soil fromhighly trained and utterly ruthless terrorists. у "ищ 
ae i S> 


UNTIL A SHORT TIME AGO, th NU. S. would have been helpless. So would most governments. But the 
balance of power in the skyjacking war is changing due to the creation of elite antiterrorist strike 
forces, composed of highly motivated and superbly trained young men. The units are designed to 


‘an insidelook-acthose 
mysterious antiterrorist t 
commandos who shoot first 


(mee ar 


—EAMS à 7 


and count bodies later 


PLAYBOY 


92 


tackle the terrorists on their own terms 
and to kill them. 

Modeled on the men who operated 
quick hitand-run raids behind enemy 
lines during World War Two, today's 
commandos are being schooled to perfec 
tion in the splitsecond art of storming 
aircraft, killing the terrorists and rescu- 
ing hostages unhurt. At their disposal 
are weapons ranging from the "stun" 
grenade and a specially modified Beretta 
automatic pistol to a futuristic .22-caliber 
submachine gun equipped with a Laco 
Laser target-acquisition device. The La 
fixes the aerial bandits in a red dot, 
marking the point where the bullets will 
strike. The commandos also possess eaves- 
dropping devices so sensitive they can 
pick up even whispered conversations 
and the sounds of movement within an 
aircraft. And when the commandos want 
to deceive or distract the terrorists, they 
can bring into play an extremely varied 
collection of “dirty tricks” and deception 
gadgets 

The creation of such strike forces is a 
widespread international trend. But, be- 
yond question, there are three undis- 
puted leaders in the development of 
strike forces. Britain, which has the 
S.A.S. (for Special Air Services); West 
Germany, Group Nine of the Border 
Guard; Israel, the 269 Headquarters R; 
connaissance Regiment. The three strike 
forces work closely together, countering 
the international cooperation among the 
terrorists with a trilateral teamwork of 
their own. They also provide advice and 
instructors for new units being set up 
in other countries. 

But where does the U, S. fit into the an- 
titerrorist scheme? The State Department 
has been delegated the responsibility for 
coordinating American antiterrorist ac 
tivities abroad, yet it has failed to estab- 
lish close working relationships with 
other allied agencies. The department's 
Office for Combating Terrorism, which 
is understaffed and underfunded, has had 
four directors in three years. The Pen 
tagon, which is supposed to organize 
the U.S. Antiterrorist Force, exaggerates 
American capabilities. In Congressional 
testimony, the Department of Defense 
claimed it has at its disposal 6072 troops 
in 18 units capable of performing anti- 
terrorist missions. "That's ап impressive 
figure. But it is wrong. Very few U.S. 
units have undergone any antiterrorist 
training whatsoever, and none has gone 
through the extensive schooling required 
for successful antiterrorist operations. As 
remedy, the White House announced 
in May 1977 the start of what was then 
called Project Blue Light, a 180-man 
ntiterrorist force patterned on the Brit- 
ish, Israeli and West German units. The 
allied antiterrorist experts keeping tabs 
on the progress of Blue Light give the 
unit low marks. One major criticism is 


that it places too much emphasis on old- 
fashioned infantry training and not 
nearly enough on learning the sophisti- 
cated methods of recapturing aircraft. 
This becomes even more crucial when 
you take a look at the men with whom 
Blue Light is meant to deal. 

Unlike the skyjackers in the U. S., who 
are usually unbalanced loners, the inter- 
national ones are the product of a well- 
organized network to which some 
Western intelligence analysts refer as the 
Terrorist International, The network 
was established by an exceptionally 
gifted and diabolical leader, Dr. Wadi 
Haddad. A Palestinian eye doctor turned 
revolutionary, he masterminded just 
about every major international skyjack- 
ing since the onset of the epidemic in 
1968. Early last year, Haddad, а co 
founder of the Popular Front for the 
Liberation of Palestine (P.F.L.P.), died 
in an East Berlin hospital, reportedly of 
leukem; He was buried in Baghdad 
with hero's honors. But he left behind 
many qualified successors and an efficient 
system—P.F.L.P. recruits, members of the 
skyjacking teams from far-left terrorist 
groups throughout Europe, Latin Amer: 
ica and the Arab world. The Japanese 
Red Army, now completely a mercenary 
unit, often supplies killers. ‘The trainees 
go through special schools, located in 
South Yemen and Iraq, where they learn, 
for example, how to cow airline pas- 
sengers ("Speak in a commanding voice 
and crush anyone who opposes you" is 
the gist of one training). Practicing in 
mock-ups of jetliner cockpits, they are 
taught to read the fuel gauge and guid 
ance systems so the pilot cannot deceive 
them by insisting he is too low on fuel to 
reach a certain destination or frustrate 
their plans by flying in the opposite di- 
rection, Moreover, the international ter- 
rorist network enjoys powerful backing 
from a number of governments, which 
supply funds, training bases and havens 
for the skyjackers. 

In their clashes with the strike forces, 
the score so far is two to one against the 
terrorists, They lost—and badly—to the 
Israelis at Entebbe and to the West 
Germans at Mogadiscio. But they won 
decisively against the Egyptians at Lar- 
naca on Cyprus, 

There is no doubt that Terrorist Inter- 
al is extremely concerned about 
the development of the strike forces 
Every six months or so, the representa- 
tives from the world's ten or 15 most 
important terrorist organizations get to- 
gether for secret discussions. At the most 
recent meeting, held south of Nicosia in 
a Greek Cypriot village, the Arab dele- 
gates berated their European and Latin- 
American comrades for their failure to 
play a larger role in skyjacking. The im- 
plication is clear: It is becoming more 
difficult to enlist volunteers for what are 


s 


nation 


developing into suicide missions. The as- 
sessment of one Israeli intelligence an- 
titerrorist agent I interviewed is, “To 
understand how hard up they are, you 
have to know that the woman in a Ché 
uevara T-shirt who was wounded at 
Mogadiscio came from the staff of one of 
Haddad's training schools. When the ter- 
rorists start reaching into their cadre for 
volunteers, they are in trouble. 
Nonetheless, Terrorist International 
remains a powerful or 
Haddad's successors are determined to 
avenge past failures. Without a doubt, 
American jetliners are major targets, and 
recently some ominous developments 
have been taking place inside the U.S. А 
number of pilot uniforms and kit bags 
have been stolen from New York-area 
rports, which could be a clue that some 
one is planning a jet snatch with terror- 
ists disguised as members of the flight 
crew. Currently, flightdeck personnel do 
not have to pass through security check 
points, Hence, the question: Is the U.S. 
really capable of staging a rescue opera 
tion along the lines of Entebbe or 
Mogadiscio? If Blue Light confounds its 
foreign critics and develops into a first- 
rate force, the answer is yes. But Project 
Blue Light is top secret and, according 
to my sources, the outlook is not promis. 
ing. However, if Blue Light does fail, or 
if a skyjacking situation occurs before 
the unit becomes operational, the Presi- 
dent would be forced to turn to one of 
the other commando-style U. S. units. 
The best-qualified unit is the Army's 
Black Berets, two battalions of Rangers 


anization, and 


stationed in Georgia and Washington 
State. The Black Berets were formed in 
1974 to deal with especially hazardous 
missions during both war and peacetime. 
In war, their job is to kidnap or assas- 

е enemy leaders and destroy key tar- 
gets far behind enemy lines, such as 
missile silos, In peacetime, their mission 
is to retake nuclear plants or oil refineries 
in the U.S. if they are captured by ter 
rorists and to rescue American һом 
held in foreign countries. If a U. 5. Em 
bassy, for example, were ever captured 
by terrorists, the Black Berets would be 
the ones to go. However, they have not 
trained nearly as intensively in the art of 
recapturing an aircraft as have other elite 
foreign units. But if the U.S. faced an 
international skyjacking, the State De- 
partment’s chief antiterrorist expert, 
Anthony Quainton, would present the 
President with an ope 
the Black Berets as the assault force. They 
would try to offset the inexperience by 


sina 


tional plan to use 


drawing on the expertise of the British, 
the West Germans and the Israelis. Co- 
operation among strike forces is standard. 
A multinational force can be organized 
in a matter of hours. 

The moment news of a hijacking 
reached Washington, the Black Berets 


“On our special ‘love tour, you get laid in fourteen countries 
in eighteen days, room and board included.” 


93 


PLAYBOY 


94 


would be put on alert and would begin 
planning and preparations. The mission 
would fall into one of two categories 
of the classic rescue operation: (1) the 
kind that occurred at Entebbe, meaning 
that the rescue force would face hostile 
forces on the ground and would have to 
fight its way in to rescue hostages; or (2) 
the kind that occurred at Mogadiscio. 
meaning that the government would turn 
cooperative after a cash payment and 
promises of future aid, and the strike 
force would face no opposition except 
from the terrorists, Although the West 
Germans deny it, highly placed intelli 
gence sources tell me that Bonn gave the 
Somalian regime $25,000,000 as an іп. 
ducement, And though it was never re 
ported, Washington also promised arms 
shipments in exchange for Somalian 
cooperation 

If the operation were along the lines 
of the Entebbe assault, the Black Berets 
would require a larger, more powerful 
force, perhaps two full companies (380 
men), with another company in reserve 
The Rangers carry only light weapons 
(the M-16 rifle is their basic armament), 
so they would draw from the 82nd Air- 
borne Division a he: 


y-weapons platoon 
equipped with antitank missiles and re 
coilless rifles. At the present poor state 
of American readiness, it would take sev- 
eral days, maybe even a week to assemble 
such a larg a Moga- 
disciostyle raid would require only 100 
or so men and no heavy firepower. 

Let's suppose an American Boeing 707 
is hijacked and taken somewhere to the 
Middle East, possibly to a sheikdom 
along the Persian Gulf. I have chosen 
the 707 for two reasons. First, it takes a 
significantly larger number of terrorists 


force. By contrast, 


to seize a jumbo jet and only three have 
been taken to date. Second, since so few 
jumbo jets have been hijacked (and none 
has been freed), there is no actual experi- 
ence on which we can base a scenario. 
If the operation were like Entebbe, any- 
thing could happen, There is no way to 
predict the outcome of such a battle 

But intelligence sources have been 
able to brief us on а Mogadiscio-style 
operation in which we might stand a 
better chance of success, The Rangers 
would have the help of allied strike 
forces. While the troopers readied their 


equipment, the unit commander and the 


other officers would study the target area, 


aided by satellite photos, diagrams of the 
airport and topographical maps of the 
surrounding terrain. 

The most valuable information the 
Berets could get, however, would come 
from the Mossad and AMAN, the Israeli 
political and military intelligence agen- 
cies, They know more about the terror- 
ists’ operations than any outsider. The 
Israclis would pass along information 
about the identity of the skyjackers, their 


likely behavior, the aims of the operation 
and the political situation in the sheik- 
dom. Since the Americans have had little 
actual practice storming 
White House Grisis Center would ask for 
guidance from Group Nine of West Ger 
many’s elite Border Guard. The Germans 
would probably send experts to join the 
Berets. The West Ge 
more about seizing 


plane, the 


mans have studied 
craft than anyone 
else and, as Mogadiscio proved, they do 


it superbly, They have practiced either 
on real models or on mock-ups of vir 
tually every aircraft їп civilian air 
service. Even the Soviets, who secretly 


provide aid to the terrorists, have, accord 
ing to intelligence sources, furnished the 
West Germans with blueprints of their 
aircraft, so that Group Nine experts 
could devise means of entering and seiz 
them in case of a skyjacking. 

In our scenario, taken from a variety 
of intelligence sources, about 100 Rang 
rd а C-5A Galaxy, the huge 
Air Force troop and са 


ers would | 


zo carrier. En 


route, the men would probably clean 
their M-16s for the thousandth time, ‘The 
Black Berets are always cleaning the 
M-16 with the best tool for that purpose, 


which happens to be a trin 


med-down 


shaving brush. The Israelis even have a 
Hebrew name for the M-16, which rans- 
lates as the gun that has to be shaved 
The reason is that the M-16 tends to jam 
in dusty or muddy conditions. The Black 
Berets defend the M-16 as а good weapon 
if its firing mechanism is kept spotless. 


Nonetheless, it is a poor one for anti 
terrorist operations, since its plastic stock 
might break if used as a club in close 


mbat. The Berets also spend a lot of 


с 
tin 


honing the cutting edges of their 
long knives 

The big G-5A would probably cross 
the coast of Israel at night and head 
south over the craggy red hills of the 
Sinai, It would certainly run without 
lights or radio contact and would finally 
land at a secret Isracli air base, located 
on the tip of the Sinai Peninsula near 
Sharm-el-Sheikh. The plane would quick- 
ly be gi 


ıided to a parking area covered 
by a 


ї camouflage net to hide it from 
Soviet reconnaissance satellites. 

In an underground bunker, the Black 
Berets would receive briefings by British 
and West German antiterrorist experts 


on the technique of storming the aircraft. 
Then Israeli armament specialists would 
supply the Beretta automatics to be used 
by the assault squads. Since the M-16 
fires an extremely high-velocity bullet, it 
would not be suitable for action inside 
an aircraft, where ricochets and misses 
could kill hostages and riddle the air 
craft, possibly even causing a fire or an 
explosion. The Beretta, as modified by 
the Israelis, fires a low-powered .22 slug 
that will kill at 30 meters or so if it 


strikes the victim in a vital area but is 
less likely to kill an innocent passenger 
or to pierce the fuselage 

An advance party would have surrepti 
tiously landed in the sheikdom. It would 
probably be composed of British and 
Israeli operatives, a U.S. diplomat, an 
American aircraft єп 
European psychiatrist who has specialized 


incer and a certain 


in the psychology of terrorists and fre 
quently advises British, Dutch and West 
German antiterrorists 

The first step is to disable the plane so 
it can't fly. The old remedies of shooting 
out the tires or blocking the runway with 
vehicles are crude and not always effec- 
tive, Approaching the aircraft from the 
rear so he could not be seen, the aircraft 
technician with the advance party would 
creep under а wing 
hydraulic fluid, Then, even if he were 
ordered to, the pilot could not take off 
for the landing gear and the fig 
trols cannot function without this fluid 
Mechanically, the plane is dead 


nd drain out the 


t con. 


The diplomat, however, would be our 
official representative. Following the ad 
vice of the psychiatrist, he would asure 


the terrorist leader that his demands 
were being met. For example, a terrorist 
might ask for Sirhan Sirhan and 
rorists jailed in West Germany, Italy and 
Israel to be flown to the sheikdom and 
exchanged for the hostages. The Amer 
mise that a U.S. jet was 


ican would prc 
already collecting the prisoners and that 
by dawn, the swap of terrorists for hos 
tages could take place 

Will the leader believe this? Who 
knows? The important point is that such 
a terrorist desperately wants to think 
that the end of his ordeal is in sight. He 
would prob 
the hijackin, 


bly be about four days into 


at that point, From debrief 
ings of passengers, we have learned some 
d a hijacked 
jetliner after а few days have passed 


clogged toilets, fetid air, rampant anxiety 


thing about conditions abc 


among the passengers (one old man ac 
ne during a hijacking). 
Since the hijackers confiscate all hand 


tually went insa 


bags and carry-on lug 


gage, women pas 
sengers using chemical contracep 
denied the pill. This initiates a mass 


on are 


onset of menses. Sometimes the terrorists 
wary of allowing the passengers to move 
about the 
in their seats the entire time, with pre 


ircraft, force them to remain 


dic 


bly embarrassing results. In short, 
the terrorist leader and his captives alike 
would face unbearable conditions 

As the psychiatrist knows, the skyjack- 
er rides an emotional roller coaster, 
plunging from crests of enjoyment and 
self-confidence to depths of doubt and 
despair. In fact, within a few short days, 
a terrorist travels all the way from heav 
en to hell. Like the Assassins of antiquity, 
(continued on page 191) 


all signs indicate that 
lighted sculptures will 
continue to enjoy a 
glowing success 


ES 


Previous роде: A neon circle, by Let There Be Neon, $200. Top left: Philip Hazard—designed neon 
swimsuit that's not to be worn in water, also by Let There Be Neon, $375. Top right: An eight-foot- 
high standing neon sculpture, by Ron Ferri, $4000. Above: Jean Skinazi-designed neon gift-box 
sculpture, by House of Fillmore, about $200. Below: A neon rainbow, by Let There Be Neon, $175. 


AT JOE'S, OPEN ALL NIGHT and the image 
floss araqa mmc! 
ashoe 't be the same if they were 


Above left: This Ron Ferri-designed sculpture is comprised of a five-foot natural-wood square containing a 36-inch-diameter neon circle, $8000. Above 
center: A pair of neon lips, by Let There Be Neon, $165. Above right: Another Ron Ferri-designed piece; this one is о 36-inch-square, 18-inch-high 
cocktail table with o dork Plexiglas base, mirror floor and smoked Plexiglas top, plus brightly lit neon tubes, $5000. Below: A wooden double bed, 
outlined in neon, that was originally designed for Womsutta Mills, by Let There Be Neon, $1500. It's definitely not recommended for insomniacs. 


PAINTING BY ROY SCHNACKENBERG 


things you always wanted to know about ski touring but were too cold to ask 


CRAIG LIKE BACKPACKING іп summer, ski 
sports By VETTER touring is the simplest, most beau- 
tiful way to get yourself out into winter. This is the pace we were born for: slow 
enough to let all the senses take in the trip; hard enough, over the long haul, to 
blow the sludge out of your veins and sweat the poison out of your pores. 

Tt isn't new. In fact, it's as old as the hills, as old as walking. The first man 
who lashed long, thin boards to his feet and then lit out—gliding and stretching 
and pulling over the snowy landscape—was probably a hunter and what he 


100 


discovered was that he could follow his 
winter quarry almost anywhere: uphill 
and down, across meadows, through for- 
ests and thickets and ice fields. Quietly. 
It suited his purposes perfectly, to be 
almost a part of the landscape, to range 
as far as he had to in search of the small 
harvest of winter game. 

Nowadays, the purpose is sport and 
the thing still fits. You won't have to 
drive for hours to get to a mountain to 
wait in line with other fools like your- 
self who drove for hours to get to the 
same mountain. You can cross-country 
ski anywhere there is snow on the 
ground: country roads, open fields, city 
parks, golf courses, bike paths or the 


SKI-TOURING GEAR 


Above, left to right: Sierra Recreational 
ski-touring boots, by Trak, about $30. 
Touring skis include the Mikro-Sprint, by 
Völkl, $125; Nordics, by K2, $95; Vener's 
Nordic Tour, $80; and the Super Renn- 
Sport, by Völkl, $200. Competition 
cross-country poles of aluminum, $20, and 
fiberglass ones, $14, both by 1. P. Staven. 


He's wearing a ski-touring suit that con- 
sists of overalls and a jacket, $115, with 
a turtleneck, $16, both by Head Sports- 
wear. She has on ski-touring overalls and 
о jacket, by Head Sportswear, $110. 
Both are wearing foam-lined Super- 
Jet fog-stop goggles, by Alpina, $23. 


John Muir trail, if you want. You can 
take it at your own speed. You can do an 
easy mile or two on the flats and have 
martinis waiting at the end. Or you can 
pit yourself against a hard route and 
drive yourself over it till you collapse at 
the end of the day into a pile of cold, 
wet rags. 

In Aspen, I used to watch a man walk 
up the steepest mountain in town on 
cross-country skis every winter morning. 
He a serious mountain climber and 
he used to do it to stay in shape for h 
summer trips to the Himalayas, It took 
him a couple of hours to do the 2000-foot 
climb, and I used to watch his strong, 
smooth progress from my place on the 
chair lift. His rhythm, concentration, 
strength and technique were incredible. 
He never traversed; he walked straight 
up the fall line. I never saw him stop. 
He watched the snow and sometimes the 
sky. His skis were old and worn and his 
clothes were purely functional, He never 
talked to the skiers on their way down 
the hill past him. He was a strange and 
quiet fish and the image of him bucking 
slowly up Ajax against the tide of down- 
hill skiers in their fancy duds and high- 
style equipment is still vivid for me, In 
every way, it was like watching a man at 
his devotions, and I'm sure he knew the 
topography of that mountain a lot better 
than the ski patrol. 

My favorite cross-country run, on the 
other hand, was one I found in the 
Sierras. It was 15 miles, all downhill, 
through the forest and over every kind of 
terrain. It ended at a spot on Highway 
50 from whiclr I could hitchhike home. 

Either way, you get the best of the 
thing: time outdoors in the quietest of 
the seasons, to watch your own breath 
and listen to your h , to get your 
muscles humming and buzzing, to pull 
everything back down into human scale 
for a while. 

You don't need much equipment, and 
you can rent it at ski centers and sport 
shops almost everywhere. The skis are 
long and skinny, constructed of wood or 
fiberglass with. wood or foam cores, and 
are used with toeclip bindings. The 
boots are more like good walking shoes 
than ski boots and the poles are long 
with bent points and large baskets. You 
can buy the whole outfit for under $100, 
and even if you buy a deluxe outfit, it 
will cost only about as much as a decent 
pair of downhill skis without bindings. 
And you can spend your lift-ticket money 
on wine and chy 

People will tell you that as far as 
technique goes, if you can walk, you can 
cross-country ski. That's true on the 
flat, but anything more challenging than 
that is going to require some sliding and 


hauling and hopping and general goat 
dancing. There are ways to do all those 
things, invented by that prehistoric 
hunter and refined down the years. If 
you've never been on cross-country skis 
before, take an hour with a professional 
or an experienced friend. Chances are 
that after a while you'd discover the side 
step and the crab step and the herring- 
bone by yourself; improvisation is а big 
part of any ski trek. Stopping, for in- 
stance, is more often а matter of mind 
than of muscle. Turning sometimes takes 
great deal of imagination. Falling is a 
matter of picking your spot. But if you 
can get a few small pieces of advice from 
someone who really knows, the whole 
thing will take a lot less energy. 

If you can’t find a pro or a gifted 
amateur, there are many books on equip- 
ment and technique for bı 
for those who want to go a step further 
into ski mountaineering 

The only time the information on ski 
touring becomes even faintly technical is 
when it concerns wax. The wax you put 
on the bottom of your skis has to corre- 
spond to the temperature and texture of 
the snow, so that you'll have traction 
when you need it going up and slide 
when you need it going down. There is a 
пром of es to cover the conditions 
that range from soft, almost melted snow 
to hard, refrozen snow and ice. The pack- 
ages the waxes come in tell you which to 
use when, and with a little expe 
ing, you'll get so you с 
gears. And maybe 
understand why the 
20 names for snow. 

It may seem а contradiction in terms, 
but for those indolent cross-country skiers 
who find waxing a giant bore, there are 
no-wax skis. To put it as nontechnically 
as possible, they operate this way: Their 
plastic bases are patterned with "steps" 
or “fish scales,” or have mohair strips 
sunk into them, which permit the skis 
to grip the snow in one direction and 
glide in the other. 

If you're just beginning, you might 
want to look for a ski-touring resort. 
You can get equipment and a lesson at 
these places in the morning, and then 
be able to ski a меПлпа. ined trail 
system all afternoon. If you want to stay 
closer to home, rent some gear and get 
yourself out to the local golf course. If 
ge to do 18 holes through 
the drifts and up and down the hillocks, 
you'll have a good start on the skills 
you'll need in the woods or the open 
fields—and you won't have to worry 
about breaking par. 

So go make some tracks in the snow 
where there aren't any. 


1 you'll begin to 
skimos have over 


you can man 


е . 
* їшї 
a, 


Y 
S 


ШЫ 
ЗЕ 


“What the hell, kid, let's call it a day!” 


101 


CG УФ СА 


her name is lee ann michelle and, by george!, we think she’s got it 


THE FIRST THING that strikes you 


Lee Anr 


ond or t 


1 Michelle (well, maybe the 
hird) is that she'd be perfect for 


the role of Eliza Doolittle in G. Sh 


born anc 
has a lilt 
charm € 
phobe 

versatilit 
she'll mi 
the next 
British г 


эп. First of all, she's Er 

1 raised in Surrey, and her acce 
ing, lyrical intonation that cou 
ven the most hardened Ar 
And second, she's got a certain 
y of expression—one mom 
mic a London street urchin ar 
she's as polished and elegant as 
oyalty. The fittin, lox to 


*I love to take nice 


with lot 
says Lee 
of the tu 


sand lots of b: 
Ann. "When 


», 1 always feel so 


silky and tingly all over." 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RIO CASILLI 


One of Lee Ann's favorite pastimes is 
bla vith her two cats, Mitsy 

(right) and Mischief. “Опе of my ambitions,” 
she sa to make Mischief into 

a star. Perhaps he'll be in my film." 


“I'm very intuit 
Ann, “and I love being 
touched. My whole body is 
very, very sensit о 
touch, especially my hair. 


just sort of naturally fall into the Henry Higgins role. "It's a funny thing,” she says, smiling impishly, "but when 


people first meet me, they ve this incredible urge to educate me. I don't know why, I don't look innocent," 
And, indeed, Lee Ann hardly needs to be educated—at the ripe old age of 18, she has already had more 


than her share of experience. Two years ago, she left school in England to seek her fortune. “I went naively 


looking about for a job," she says, "but no one would hire me, because they said I didn't have any experience. 


“When I was a page-three girl,” 
Lee Ann recalls, “I used to get lots 
of silly phone calls. Men would call 
up and ask me what color knickers 
I had on. Silly things like that. 


I took to modeling, Since I looked older than my age at the time, I became a page-three girl for the London : , “What sort of men attract me? Men with 
e-three girls are models who appear topless in London's tabloids, notably on page three of The Sun : - strong hands, men with small, tight bums. 
Playboy's Roving Eye," January.) Reactions to Lee Ann's page-three debut were mixed: "None of my girl- 1 always look at a man's eyes to s 
friends at school would talk to me. They thought it was disgusting, but all my grandmother's friends thought it : what he's really saying. Oh, and I love 
was wonderful. Odd, isn't it?" At 17, a calendar shooting for British Leyland Motors took her to Hollywood, where А а nice pair of legs оп a man, too.” 


J^ 


"I've always had a fantasy about being shipwrecked on an island with 
a bunch of boys I really liked. When 1 was very young, I fantas 
about being a mermaid, but that’s an impossible fantasy, isn't it?" 


“I look as much on the inside of a man as 
I do on the outside, unless I am over- ed by both ptaysoy and Motown Productions. The people at Motown were so taken by Lee Ann 


whelmed by a man's sex appeal, and then 1 ! they've decidec film their next movie, a Paramount release, around her. Naturally, she'll star. "It's called The 

1 don't care. I'm not frequently over- Eram "y N ‹ ıe tells us, “and it's about an English singer who thinks she's making it on talent but discovers 

whelmed by a man's sex appeal, though.” | الحلا‎ ч а at her voice has been dubbed all along and it’s the hype that made her а star. She's been sort of manufactured, 
c. It's emotional and funny and very musical.” Sounds, as the English put it, like а jolly good show. 


One day's London agenda includes a stroll 
through Trafalgar Square (opposite, top); 


another, a ride on a double-decker bus. 


"I love London's buses,” says Lee Ann. 
"When we shot these photos, though, the 
conductors kept telling me to sit down,” 


МЫЎПЧЯ33 SSI 


= PLAYBOY'S PLAYMATE OF THE MONTH 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


wae: Lee Arun Michelle —— _ 

BUST:_.9 masr: Lo нір: SS _ 
t 

HEIGHT: SÛ wercur: 1O T ston: Pisco 


BIRTH par: 8:01: GO srra: Surrey, England ——— . 
coats: fe be a aucona] actress = 05 0 


turn-orrs: Spidom, being tell ta took sexa _ 
a z E 

ravasiss: Reng CleopaxniS maid, + Henry rhe 

Е EH [4 L 1 if 

FAVORITE sports: fenn, hokey and soccer. _ 

HEROES: Hana Chrotion fincleroen , became oF 

FAVORITE pains: Champagne + Mati! Sping Waker, 


FAVORITE FOODS: 
nosses: Playing wih my pets. Dering usp. _ 


Eoy ridarake. Suet 16 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


Having undulated suggestively into the bed- 
room on their wedding night, the sexpot bride 
slipped off her negligee to reveal that she was 
stark and ripely naked. "Dear," she purred, 
"what was your manhood planning on doing 
tonight?" 

There was silence, a groan and then more 
silence. "Darling," the groom finally sighed, 
“it's already done it." 


No, Miss Layton," snapped the professor, 
“biological balance does not consist of eating 
natural foods and performing unnatural acts!” 


l's been vehemently denied that the next 
major-theme amusement park will be an adult 
one—to be called Disneygland. 


Scene: the bowels of a huge university library. 
"You may have stack privileges," giggled the 
attractive librarian, "but they don't extend to 
your doing that!” 

"But you told me to keep my voice down," 
mumbled the young man from under her skirt. 


Whenever the abbot craves fun, 
He summons the same willing one: 
A hot-pantied sister 
Who makes his dong blister! 
She is known as his sine qua nun! 


Our Una 


fucksimile. 


ashed Dictionary defines dildo as a 


Perhaps you've heard of the Acapulco hooker 
who gives such prodigious head that she's 
known as the gulp of Mexico. 


A bayou guide was rowing home one evening 
when he saw an alligator making off with one 
of his many children. When һе rushed into his 
shack to tell his wife, she replied apathetically 
that they could have another child to replace 
the lost one. When the same thing happened 
nine months later, his wife had the same reac- 
tion, And then the following year he wit- 
nessed a third child being carried away in 
those horrible jaws. He flung himself through 
the door and blurted out the news. 

"That's all right,” said his wife. "Come bed- 
time, we can make another one.” 

“Christ, woman,” exclaimed the man, “if 
you think I'm gonna work all day and then 
screw all night just to feed that damn alliga- 
tor, you're crazy!" 


Word has reached us of a dissatisfied transplant 
peat who demanded that the surgeon replace 

is brand-new penis. It seems that it rejected 
his hand. 


My girlfriend is a sex-experimentation freak.” 
the drinker told his neighborhood bartender. 
“and her selection of positions goes from the 
supine to the ridiculous.” 


As a Valentine message, young Bonnet, 
Having failed at composing a sonnet, 
Drew his girlfriend a card 
That the censors have barred— 
Both a heart and a hard-on are on it! 


The couple went wearily but happily to bed 
after their golden-weddinganniversary party 
After a while, the woman sai 1 me. dear, 
now that we've come this far together—have 
you ever cheated on me? 
darlin 


” replied her hus- 


sighed the woman wistfully, "we 
sure could use that once right now.” 


How could our fourteen-year-old son's birthday 
party have been raided by the cops?" ex 
postulated the man, 

"You know our Herman is precocious,” said 
his wife, shrugging, “and when he said he 
planned to have someone there to do tricks, he 
didn't mean a clown or a magician.” 


Emerging from a spur-of-themoment visit to 
the museum, one of the office girls giggled, 
"Didn't that old Greek marble statue have a 
tremendous peni: 

“Yeah, it certainly dis 
worker, “and wasn't it col 


responded her co 


In the early days with my wife,” confided one 
bar drinker to another, “it was fist fucking at 
the drive-in, blow jobs in the bathroom, quick- 
ies in the choir loft, cornholing in the kitchen 
But now," he went on morosely, “the romance 
has gone out of our marriage." 


Heard а funny one lately? Send it on а post- 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY, 
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"I can't see how they get much fun out of it, doing it so slow." 


115 


seven scientists were trapped in the solar s) 

highest tower, and morgan was determined to 
rescue them before their chamber became a tomb— 
the conclusion of the master’s “final” sci-fi thriller 


SYNOPSIS: After retiring from a distinguished diplomatic career, 
Johan Rajasinghe fulfills a lifelong dream by settling in a villa in 
Taprobane, near Sri Kanda, the sacred mountain, He is visited by 
Fannevar Morgan, an engineer whose most impressive achievement is 
the ultimate bridge, an architectural and engineering triumph linking 
Europe and Africa. Morgan has come to this secluded part of the world 
with an even more ambitious concept—a tower that will support a 
space elevator that will make travel to the heavens cheaper and more 
accessible than ever. But the hitch is that the base of the tower must be 
situated on Sri Kanda, location of an ancient Buddhist monastery. The 
engineer has come to ask the monks for permission to build the tower. 

Needless to say, the monks are reluctant to give up their holy spot in 
the name of space technology. After fruitless negotiations, Morgan 
descends Sri Kanda, only to find himself in the midst of a dense swarm 
of butterflies in migration. The taxi driver relates an-old legend: The 
butterflies are the souls of the warriors of Kalidasa, the former ruler of 
Taproban ho had lost his army at Yakkagala. Yearly, the butterflies 
head for the mountain and die at its loi slopes. Occasionally, they 
reach the halfway point, and the legend states that if they ever reach 
the sacred temple at the top, Kalidasa will have conquered and the 
monks will have to leave, Here ends Part 1. 

Years later, quite unexpectedly, the legend becomes reality: The but- 
terflies are swept up the mountain and the monks must leave. Morgan 
and his engineers begin work on the tower, whose structure is based on 
a remarkably strong substance known as hyperfilament. At the begin- 
ning of Part IL, the tower has been years in the making and a research 
team of scientists, headed by Professor Sessui, is stranded on the tower 
after an operations disaster. 


TT 
FOUNTAIN 
OI 
IPAIRAIDIUS IE 


fiction 


IBY AIRTIHNWIR €. СИ АРКЕ 


FIVE KILOMETERS from the terminus, the red ALARM symbols flashed 
again. Driver-pilot Rupert Chang studied them with a frown of annoy 
ance, then pressed the RESET button. They flickered once, then vanished. 

The first time this had happened, 200 kilometers higher, there had 
been a hasty consultation with Midway Control. A quick check of all 
systems had revealed nothing amiss; indeed, if all the warnings w 
to be believed, the transporter's passengers were al 
thing had gone outside the limits of tolerance, 

It was obviously a fault in the alarm circuits themselves, and Pro: 
fessor Sessui's explanation was accepted with general relief. The vehicle 
was no longer in the vacuum environment for which it had һее 
designed: the magnetospheric turmoil it had now entered was trigger- 
ing the sensitive detectors of the warning systems. 

Someone should have thought of that," Chang had grumbled. But 


ILLUSTRATION BY IGNACIO GOMEZ 


PLAYBOY 


with less than an hour to go, he was not 
really worried. He would make constant 
manual checks of all the critical param 
eters. 

Battery condition was, perhaps, the 
item that concerned him most. The near- 
est charging point was 2000 kilometers 
higher up, and if they couldn't climb 
back to that, they would be in trouble. 
But Chang was quite happy on this 
score; during the braking process, the 
transporter's drive motors had been func- 
tioning as dynamos, and 90 percent of its 
gravitational energy had been pumped 
back into the batteries. Now that they 
were fully charged, the surplus thousands 
of kilowatts still being generated should 
be diverted into space through the big 
cooling fins at the rear. 

Those fins, as Chang's colleagues had 
often pointed out to him, made his 
unique vehicle look rather like ап old 
1 bomb. By this time, at the 
very end of the braking process, they 
should have been glowing a dull red. 
Chang would have been very worried 
indeed, һай he known that they were still 
comfortably cool. For ener 
be destroyed; it has to 
And very often it goes to the wrong place. 

When the FIRE—BATTERY COMPART- 
Munr sign came on for the third time, 
Chang did not hesitate to reset it, A real 
fire, he knew, would have triggered the 
extinguishers; in fact, one of his biggest 


time à 


can never 


worries was that these might operate un- 
necessarily, There were several anomalies 
on the board now, especially in the bat- 
tery-charging circuits, As soon as the 
nd he'd powered down 
the transporter, Chang was going to 


journey was over 


climb into the motor room and give 
everything a good old-fashioned eyeball 
inspection 

As it happened, his nose alerted him 
first, when there was barely more than a 
kilometer to go. Even as he stared in- 
credulously at the thin wisp of smoke 
oozing out of the control board, the cold- 
ly analytical part of his mind was saying, 
"What a lucky coincidence that it waited 
until the end of the trip!” 

Then he remembered all the energy 
being produced during the final brak- 
ing and had a pretty shrewd guess at the 
sequence of events. The protective cir- 
cuits must have failed to operate and the 
batteries had been overcharging. One 
fail-safe after another had let them down; 
helped by the magnetospheric storm, the 
sheer perversity of inanimate things had 
struck again 

Chang punched the battery-compart- 
ment fire-extinguisher button; at least 
that worked, for he could hear the muf- 
fled roar of the nitrogen blasts on the 
other side of the bulkhead, Ten seconds 
later, he triggered the VACUUM DUMP, 
which would sweep the gas out into 


118 space—with, hopefully, most of the heat 


it had picked up from the fire. That, 
too, operated correctly. 

He dared not rely on the automatic 
braking sequence as the vehicle finally 
crawled into the terminus; fortunately, 
he had been well rehearsed and recog- 
nized all the visual signals, so that he was 
able to stop within a centimeter of the 
docking adapter. In frantic haste, the 
air locks were coupled and stores and 
equipment were hurled through the con 
necting tube. 

And so was Professor Sessui, by the 
combined exertions of pilot, assistant 
engineer and steward, when he tried to 
go back for his precious instruments. 
The airlock doors were slammed shut 
just seconds before the engine-compart- 
ment bulkhead finally gave way 

After that, the refugees could do noth- 
ing but wait in the basements bleak 
15-meter-square chamber, with consid 
erably fewer amenities than а well-fur 
nished prison cell, and hope that the fire 
would burn itself out. The basement 
would eventually be the lowest part of 
the tower, but now it was 17,350 kilome 
ters below Midway station and only 600 
kilometers from Earth, It was one of 
scores of emergency refuges at intervals 
along the tower. 

It was well for the passengers’ pez 
mind that only Chang and his engincer 
appreciated one vital statistic: The fully 
charged batteries contained the energy of 
a large chemical bomb, now ticking away 
on the outside of the tower. 

Ten minutes after their hasty arrival, 
the bomb went off. There was а muffled 
explosion, which caused only slight vi 
brations of the tower, followed by the 
sound of ripping and tearing metal, Al- 
though the breaking-up noises were not 
very impressive, they chilled the hearts 
of the listeners; their only means of 
transport was being destroyed, leaving 
them stranded 35,000 kilometers from 


е of 


safety. 
There was another, more protracted 
explosion—then silence; the refugees 


guessed that the vehicle had fallen off 
the face of the tower. Still numbed, they 
started to survey their resources; and 
slowly, they began to realize that their 
miraculous escape might have been whol. 
ly in vain. 


A CAVE IN THE SKY 


Deep inside the mountain, amid the 
display and communications equipment 
of the Earth Operations Center, Van- 
nevar Morgan and his engineering staff 
stood around the tenth-scale hologram of 
the tower's lowest section. It was perfect 
in every detail, even to the four thin rib- 


bons of the guiding ti 
each face. They vanished into thin 
air just above the floor, and it was hard 
to appreciate that, even on this di- 
minished scale, they should continue 


pes extending 


downward for another 60 kilometers— 
completely through the crust of the Earth. 
"Give us the cutaway, 


said Morgan, 
"and lift the basement up to eye level." 
pparent solidity 
ime a luminous ghost—a lon 
thin-walled square box, empty except for 
the superconducting cables of the power 
supply. "The very lowest section—the 
basement was, indeed, а good name for 
it, even if it was at more than 100 times 
the elevation of this mountain—had been 
sealed off to form a single chamber, 15 
meters square 

“Access?” queried Morgan 

Two sections of the image started to 
glow more brightly. Clearly defined on 
the north and south faces, between the 
slots of the guidance tracks, were the out- 
er doors of the duplicate air locks 
apart as possible, according 
safety precautions for all space habitats. 

“They went in through the south door, 
of course,” explained the duty officer 
"We don't know if it was damaged in the 
explosion.” 


The tower lost its 


and bei 


s far 


the usual 


Well, there were three other entrances, 
thought Morgan—and it was the lower 
pair that interested him. This had been 
one of those afterthoughts, incorporated 
п. Indeed, the 
whole basement was an afterthought; at 
one time, it had been considered un- 
necessary to build a refuge here. 

Tilt the underside toward me," Mor 
gan ordered. 

The tower toppled, in a falling 
light, and lay floating horizontally in 
mid-air with its lower end toward Mor 
gan. Now he could sce all the details of 
the 15-metersquare floor—or roof, if one 
looked at it from the point of view of its 
orbital builders. 

Near the north and south edges, lead 
ing into the two independent air locks, 
were the hatches tha 
below. The only problem was to reach 
them—600 kilometers up in the sky 

Life support?” 

The air locks faded back into the 
structure; the visual emphasis moved to 
а small cabinet at the center of the 
chamber 


at a late stage in the desi 


arc of 


lowed access from 


"That's the problem, doctor," the duty 
otheer 


wered somberly. "There's only 
a pressureamaintenance system. No puri 
fiers and, of course, no power. Now that 
they've lost the transporter, I don't see 
how they can survive the night. The tem 
ure's already falling 
сез since sunset.” 

Morgan felt as if the chill of space had 


«own ten de 


pe 


entered his soul. Even if there were 


enough oxygen in the basement to last 


them for several days, that would be of 
no importance if they froze before dawn. 

"I'd like to speak to Professor Sessui." 
"We can't call him directly—the 
(continued on page 121) 


THE WINNINC 
OF THE 


VEST 


one third of your old 
three-piecer has 
definitely established 
an identity all 

its own 


altire By DAVID PLATT 


AS so OFTEN happens, something in 
your wardrobe with utilitarian be. 
ginnings, such as blue jeans, becomes 
an important fashion 
this case, we're talking about the 
vest, an item of apparel long appre- 
ciated by photographers and fishe 
men for its handy storage features; 
by greasers for a place to store cig 
arettes and a comb when worn over 
a T-shirt; and by Madison Avenue 
types who cultivate a hard-working 
image of rolled-up sleeves, loosened 
ie and unbuttoned second ce of 
their three-piece uniform. The nice 
thing about vests is their versatility— 
as our guy demonstrates on these 
pages to the approval of his lady and 
the antics of cast members from the 
hit Broadway musical Runaways, 
now playing at the Plymouth Thea 
ter. Here, he's beneath the Brooklyn 
Bridge, wearing a napa-leather zip. 
front vest that reverses to corduroy 
by Nino Cerruti Sport, about $17 
over a cotton shirt, about $40, and 
polished-cotton slacks, also about 
$40, both by Jean-Paul Germain. 
(His close friend's satin bomber jack- 
et апа vinyl slacks from Fiorucci.) 


cessory, In 


Above: “Shine ‘em up, sir," says one of the kids from the cast 
of Runaways, and after he’s finished snapping the cloth, it 
wouldn’t be a bad idea if you asked him to brush off that bulky 
wool knit cardigan vest that reverses to a cotton corduroy model, 


$90, worn over a , $37.50, both by 
Pierre Cardin Relax; wool tweed check slacks, from Trousers by 
Barry, $72.50; and a striped nylon knit tie, by Vicky Davis, 
$8.50. (Her Chinese blouse and cotton overjacket from Fiorucci.) 


iped cotton flannel s 


Right: Here's a look we don’t recommend thot you mess with. 
Таке а napa-cowhide zip-front vest with double-belted fleece 
collar and lining, angled front pockets and a ribbed wool knit 
waist, from The Comstock Load, about $115; and wear it over 
а wool/nylon zip-front jacket with raglan sleeves and suede el. 
bow patches, by Gant, $85; a cotton flannel shirt with long 
pointed collar, by Van Heusen, $13; and wool check slacks with a 
self belt with leather buckle, from Country Britches, about $60. 


Above: The handwriting is definitely on the wall for this Runaways 
favorite—a cotton/polyester corduroy fleece-lined vest, about 
$52.50, and matching slacks, about $32.50, both from Lobo by 
PenWest; plus a windowpane-plaid cotton flannel Western-style 
shirt with snaps, by Gant, $22.50; and a wool knit turtleneck, 
by New York Sportswear Exchange, $27.50. (Her denim shirt by 
Mary Whitesides for Texas; corduroy jeans from Fioruc 

Tony Lama boots by Judi Buie from Texas at Serendipity.) 


Right: Kids and parks go together like, well, а cotton/nylon twill 
zip-front vest featuring a snap-closure banded collar and pleated 
bellows flap snap breast pockets, about $45, worn with matching 
flonnel-lined flared-leg slacks featuring а removable rear pocket, 
about $38, both from Europa Sport; a cotton knit pullover with 
ribbed ring collar, by Jockey International, $18; and a striped 
tweed acrylic/mohair knit fringed scarf, from Michel Cravot, 
about $15. (The lady's Italian cowboy blazer from Fiorucci.) 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD FEGLEY/PRODUCED BY HOLL 


PLAYBOY 


FOUNTAINS OIF MRA IDNGIE 


(continued from page 118) 


А 


“Was Һе gambling with other lives as well аз his 
own, just to satisfy his own selfish pride?” 


basement emergency phone only goes to 
Midway. No problem, though.” 

2 пей out to be not completely 
When the connection was made, 
„pilot Chang came onto the line. 

"I'm sorry,” he said, "the professor is 
busy." 

After а moment's incredulous silence, 
Morgan replied, pausing after each word 
and emphasizing his name: “Tell him 
that Dr. Vannevar Morgan wants to 
speak to him.” 

“I will, doctor—but it won't make the 
slightest difference. He's working on 
some equipment with his students. It was 
the only thing they were able to save 
spectrometer of some kind—they're 
ing it through one of the observation 
windows. . . .'" 

Morgan controlled himself with diffi- 
culty. He was about to retort, "Are they 
crazy?" when Chang anticipated him. 
ou don't know the prof—/'ve spent 
the past week with him. He's—well, I 
guess you could say singleminded. It 
took three of us to stop him from going 
to the cabin to get some more of 
his gear. And he's just told me that if 

сте all going to die anyway, he'll mak 
damn sure that one piece of equipment 
is working proper 

Morgan could tell from Chang's voice 
that, for all his annoyance, he felt a con- 
siderable admiration for his distinguished 
and difficult passenger. And, indeed, the 
professor had logic on his side. It made 
good sense to salvage what he could, out 
of the years of effort that had gone into 
this ill-fated expedition. 

“Very well,” said Morgan at length, 
cooperating with the inevitable. “Since 1 
can't get an appointment, I'd like your 
ary of the situation. So far, I've 
only had it secondhand.” 

"There's not much to say. We had such 
short notice that there was no time to 
save anything—except that damned spe 
ometer. We have the clothes we're wea 
ing—and that’s about i 

Listening to that voice from space, 
looking at the transparent—yet apparent- 
ly solid—hologram of the tower, Morgan 


sum 


and he began to speak in an almost con- 
spiratorial tone, obviously to prevent be- 
ing overheard. 

“The prof and his students don't know 
this, but the south air lock was damaged 
in the explosion. There's a leak—a st 
hiss round the gaskets. How serious it is, 
1 can't tell," 

The speaker's voice rose to normal 
level again: "Well, that's the situation. 
We'll be waiting to hear from you." 

And just what the hell сап we say, 
Morgan thought to himself, except 
"Goodbye"? 

Morgan turned back to the well-orches. 
trated chaos of the operations room and 
tried to let his mind roam as freely as 
possible over every aspect of the problem. 
Seven men and women were stranded 
in the sky, in a situation that was unique 
in the whole history of space technology. 

There must be a way of getting them 
ety, before they were poisoned by 
or the pressure dropped so low tha 
the chamber became, in truth, а tomb 
like  Mahomet's—suspended between 
heaven and Earth. 


THE MAN FOR THE JOB 


"We can do it, 1 Warren Kingsley 
with a broad smile, "Spider cam re: 
the basement.” 

"You've been able to add enough extra 
battery powe 

"Yes, but it's a very close thing. It will 
have to be a two-stage affair, like the early 
rockets. As soon as the battery is exhaust- 
ed, it must be jettisoned to get rid of the 
dead weight. That wi 
hundred kilometers; Spider's intern 
tery will take it the rest of the way. 

And how much pay load 
give?” 

Kingsleys smile faded. “Mary 
With a suited pilot of average weight, 
about fifty kilos, with the best batteries 
we hav 

Only fifty! What use will that be: 

“It should be enough. A couple of 
those new thousand atmosphere tanks, 
each holding five kilos of oxygen. Molec- 
ular filter masks to keep out the COS. А 


been lifted from his shoulders. Plenty of 
things could still go wrong, but at last 
there was a ray of hope; the feeling of 
utter helplessness had been dispelled. 

“When will all this be ready?” he asked. 

“If there are no holdups, within two 
hours. Three at the most. It's all stand- 
ard equipment, luckily. Spider's being 
checked out ri here’s only one 
matter still to be decided. Who will. . 

Vannevar Morgan shook his head. 
"No. Warren," he answered slowly, in 
implacably determined voice that 
his friend never heard before. 
“There's noth more to decide. I'm 
fifteen kilos li 
marginal operation like this, that should 
seule the matter. So let's not. waste any 
more precious time di 

Only as the 
tions room on the way E LS 
mit did Morgan automatically feel for 
the little pendant concealed beneath his 
shirt. CORA—a coron: alarm—had 
not bothered him for months, and not 
even Warren Kingsley knew of her exist- 
ence. Was he gambling with other lives 
as well as his own, just to satisfy his own 
selfish pride? 

It was too late now. Whatever his mo- 
tives, Morgan was committed. 


SPIDER 

How the mountain had changed, 
thought Morgan, since he had first seen 
it! The summit had been entirely sheared 
vay, leaving a perfectly level plateau; at 
center was the giant “saucepan lid,” 
sealing the shaft that would soon carry 
the traffic of many worlds. No one could 
have guessed that an ancient monastery 
had once stood there, focusing the hopes 
and fears of billions for at least 3000 
years. 

Every time he came to the mountain, 
he found it more difficult to breathe, and 
he looked forward to the flood of oxygen 
that would soon gush into his starved 
lungs. But CORA, to his surprised relief, 
had never issued even a preliminary ad- 
monition when he visited the summit. 

Everything had been loaded aboard 
Spider, which had been jacked up so that 
the extra battery could be hung beneath 
it. 

Morgan's Flexisuit had arrived from 
Gagarin only 30 minutes carlier, and for 
a while, he had seriously considered leav- 
ing without onc. Spider Mark II a 
very sophisticated vehicle; indeed, it was 


HANG-UPS 


article By MORTON M. HUNT 


you think you have problems? our forefathers thought up 
so many ways to avoid enjoying sex, it’s a wonder we're here 


had a most curious illusion. He could little water and compressed food. Some а tiny spaceship with its own life-support Ё 
imagine that there were tiny, tenth-scale medical supplies. We can bring it all in system. If all went well, Morgan should 
human beings moving around there in under forty-five kilos. be able to mate it with the 


lock on TEs TIMES CHANGE, so do our notions of sexual pro- 
the lowest compartment; it was only nec- Phew! And you're sure that's suffi- the bottom of the tower, designed years 


essary to reach in his hand and carry cient ago for this very purpose. But a suit not 

them out to safety. "Yes—it will tide them over until the only would provide insu n case of she gives head. The only moral issue—is it better to give than to receive?—is more a matter of technique 
ext to the cold, the big problem is transporter arrives from the 10K sta- docking problems; it would give him 1 
air. I don't know how long it will be tion. And if necessary, Spider can make en ormously greater freedom of action. 
before CO, build-up knocks us out. а second tr Almost form-fitting, the Flexisuit bore 

124 Chang's voice dropped several decibels Morgan felt that a great weight had (continued on page 178) 


priety. Nowadays, it is less a question of whether or not a girl kisses on the first date than of whether or not 


nce 


and timing than of ethics. In the area of affairs, it is not just love with the proper stranger but how many 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY DEREK PELL 


of them. At Plato's Retreat, it is 
permitted—yea, even applauded—to 
make it with a crowd. Ah, progress. 

Many people think that the sexual 
revolution has been fought and won 
in the past few decades. They are 
wrong. The battle has been going on 
for centuries. The weapons have im- 
proved (who would have imagined 
vibrators 70 years ago? Certainly not 
Jules Verne) and the victory celebra- 
tions are a lot more fun than they 
used to be. But lest we forget just how 
far we have come, let us examine some 
of the sexual hang-ups of antiquity. It 
turns out that however good the good 
old days were, the good old nights 
weren't. Here's why: 

1. The fear of enjoying sex: In the 
early centuries of Christianity, the 
Church fathers were dead set against 
sex in all its forms save one. They had 
to admit that sex was sinless within 
marriage—but only if it wasn't fun. 
In the Third Century, Clement of 
Alexandria stated that married love- 
making was blameless only if delight 
were confined and pleasure mini- 
ed. Somewhat later, Saint Jerome 
laid down the law: A man who too 
ardently loved his own wife was as 
sinful as an adulterer. Jerome went 
further: Sexual pleasure was so im- 
pure, even in marriage, that prayer 
was impossible for some time after 
cach episode. Priests passed this along 
to their congregations and even or- 
dered the married to abstain from 
intercourse for three full days before 
taking Communion, lest they come to 
the sacrament befouled їп spirit. 
Couples looked forward to death and 


THE FEAR OF ENJOYING IT 


а reunion in a sexless heaven. One 

arthage wrote to his 
here will be on that day no 
resumption of voluptuous disgrace be- 
tween us.” Some heaven. 

2. Misogyny, or woman hating: Our 
forefathers carried their fear of sex to 
its logical conclusion. Blame it on the 
accomplice, or the tools of the trade. 
They possessed a vivid loathing for 
women, or, more specifically, for the 
sex organs of women. (If women re- 
ciprocated this loathing, we don't 
know about it, since they did not write 
or keep diaries.) Lucretius, the Epicu- 
rean philosopher, held that ungoy- 
erned sexual. passion produced foolish 
behavior and wasted one's substance; 
therefore, if the rational man should 
feel intense desire for a woman, he 
should view his passion as a disease 
and combat it. How? By concentrating 
on her defects. He should observe that 
her breasts sag and that she is not 
perfectly clean, He should tell himself 
that she sweats, moves her bowels and 
has body odors. And, lo, he is cured. 
Lucretius was a mere amateur at dis- 
gust compared with some of the early 
Christ Around 370 лр, when 
Saint John Chrysostom learned that 
his friend Theodore was in love with a 
young woman and planned to marry 
her, he wrote Theodore these help- 
ful words: 

“The groundwork of her bodily 
beauty is nothing but phlegm and 
blood and yellow bile and black bile, 
and the fluid of masticated food. . . . 
When you see a rag with mucus or 
spittle on it, you cannot bear to touch 
it even with your finger tips; are you 


PLAYBOY 


128 


then in a flutter of excitement about the 
storehouse and repository of these 
things? 

Theodore canceled the wedding and 
took a celibacy vow. He also blew lunch 

Fear and loathing of the fair sex 
reached their finest expression in Saint 
Augustine's epigram about the female 
generative system—"W. 
tween feces and urine 


are born be 
and in the phi. 
losopher Boethius' succinct summary of 
the female nature; "Woman is a temple 
built upon a sewer." Disgust, though it 
failed to eradicate sexual activity, con 
taminated it for many centuries. 

3. Prudery and purity: In 19th Сеп 
tury England and Ameri 
people no longer thought of married sex 
as sinful—but rather as lowly, animallike 
and the expression of base impulses 


middle-class 


Only in men, however; women were too 
pure and good to have such impulses. Or 
to talk about sex, or even to imply by 
word or gesture that they knew sexual 
organs existed. A decent woman, when 
she saw the doctor, would point out on 
a doll where she had a pain, so as not 
to point to her own body in an immodest 
fashion. Sex was never spoken of be 
tween husband and wife, and preferably 
not even seen: They coupled in inky 
darkness, usually with night clothes on 
but pushed up hallway. Even those cele 
brated Victorian lovers Robert and Eliza 
beth Barrett Browning are said never to 
have seen each other totally nude 

In the 1880s, Dr. William Hammond 
an expert on sexual matters, stated flatly 
that nine tenths of the time, decent wom 


n felt not the slightest pleasure in inter 
course, An eminent. gynece 


that sexual pleasure in young women was 


gist added 


pathological 

The Victorians believed what they 
were told, In the typical sex act, the hus 
band wordlessly relieved himself upon 
his wife as quickly as possible, while she 
submitted because it was her conjugal 
duty to do so. If, by chance, she felt any 


pleasure, she did her best to lie still 


show nothing, so as not to disgrace her 
self in her husband's eyes. 

4, Noncompletion of the sex act: But 
what would you say of people who could 
reach orgasm during lovemaking but who 
voluntarily denied themselves that sum 
mum desideratum of sexual activity? The 
inhabitants of the Oneida Community, 
the mateswapping religious commune 
that lasted for 30 years in Upstate New 
York in the I9th Century, based a society 
on just such a hang-up. At Oneida, coitus 


reservatus was the rule except when preg 
nancy was desired: The man stayed in 
side the woman as long as he could—up 
to an hour, at times—without ejaculating 
then or later, though the woman was per 
mitted to have orgasm. This was called 
male continence and was highly thought 
of; those oafs who could not contain 


themselves were scorned and women 
avoided them. The founder of Oneida, 
John Humphrey Noyes, had sought a way 
to distinguish between social sex and 
procre 


ive sex: he hit upon male con 


tinence t deliver- 


4 found it "a gre 


ance, 

Deliver us, O Lord, from such deliver 
ance, 

But at least the women of Oneida com: 
pleted the act. A more bizarre sexual 
practice, known as amor purus (pure 
love), was favored by the lords and ladies 
of certain. medieval courts. A lord and 
a lady, each married to someone else 


would carry on a protracted romance in 


which he sought her favors by knightly 


service and gallantry, while she played 
haughty and hard to get. It might take 


years before she let him kiss her, months 


more before he embraced her. Finally 
she would grant him amor purus—pro 
longed sexplay. unclothed and in bed 
but without actual intercourse. And that 
was considered nobler and finer than 


consumi 


ted sex; its exponents con 


demned intercourse as false love, while 


exalting the true love of kissing, fondling 
and lyin 


5. The spiritual union, or abstinence 


together nude. 


is next to godliness: In the latter part of 
the Third Century, certain devout Chris 
tians yearned to be chaste but had to 
marry for social reasons, Ammon, a 
wealthy youth of Alexandria, faced this 
dilemma and hit upon a solution: He 
d to his fiancée Saint Paul's exhorta 


ri 
tion to chastity (Z Corinthians 7: 1-7) 
and shortly after their wedding they as 
tounded friends and relatives by taking 


vows of celibacy. Throughout their mar 


riage, they lived an ascetic life, as brother 
and sister, in two rude huts in the Egyp. 
tian desert. The fame of this continent 


ge spread rapidly and, according 
to Church historians, countless couples, 
over the next several centuries, emulated 
them. Some outdid Ammon and his wife 
by living in the same house and even 
sleeping in the same bed. Admirable— 
but risky; indeed, Saint Jerome himself 
wrote sternly to one Rusticus, who had 
sunk hack into wedded indulgence 

Not to be outdone by laymen, many 


clergymen in that same period practiced 


unconsummated marriage: "They took 
virgins into their homes as spiritual 
wives, living with them and sleeping to 
gether in chastity. Indeed, they felt all 
the more spiritual for undergoing con 
stant temptation. But some leaders of the 
Church doubted that they constantly re 


sisted it. Cyprian, Bishop of Carthage 


angrily pointed out that the claim of 


chastity could be a fraud, since even if a 
midwife found the spiritual wife to be a 
virgin, "she may have sinned in some 
other part of her body." No fool, he. 

6. Love al a remove: The ultimate 
step in the purification of love was taken 


by Dante. He first saw Beatrice when he 
was only nine, but he precociously fell 
in love and began his lifelong worship of 
her, It was a pure and insp 


love, but 


1 thoroughly disembodied one. He never 


spoke to her, made no effort ever to meet 
1 


caught sight of her only 


rare 
intervals. Nor did he desire more, for 
she 


as goddesslike and iinable in 


his eyes. She never knew of his love for 
her or of the sublime poetry he wr 
under her spell. What he said abc 


feeli 


was taken аз а model of tr 


by poets, philosophers and romantics for 
generations to come: Many tried to fol 
»w his lead: some succeeded 


In case you were wondering about his 


sex life, Dante had a wife and, over the 


years, several mistresses. In his writing 


һе said almost nothing about them; he 


may have been grateful for their services, 
but it never occurred to him to love them 

7. The struggle against lust: Over the 
centuries, innumerable men and women 


in religious orders have taken vows of 


libacy and undergo 


intense suffering 
in their efforts to master their sexual de 
sires, You may or may not regard this as 
a hang-up, depending on your own reli 
gious beliefs, but certainly some of the 
pioneers of celibacy behaved as if they 
were deranged 

Consider Origen. When this Biblical 


scholar was a young man in Alexandria 


he put an end to his own sulferings by 
taking literally the words of Christ 
There be eunuchs which have made 
themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of 
heaven's sake." Secretly, and without 


help, Origen castrated himself. Alas, The 


secret got out, word spread, and over the 
1 


succeeding decades, thousands of his ad 


mirers mutilated themselves similarly to 
conquer their own lust 
The Church eventually f 


practice. After all, what merit is there in 


celibacy if one makes it effortless? What 
nobility is there in self-control when self 
indulgence is impossible? Much more ad 


mirable were those celibates who bi 


with lust but mortified their fle 
order to сс 


interact the evil impulse 
Simeon Stylites spent 35 years on top of 
1 60-foot pillar. A nameless monk, when 
al jokers sent a prostitute to his 


prac 


cell one night, held a finger in the flame 


of the lamp to distract himself; by morn 


ing, all his fingers were gone, but he was 


still pure. Millions of others have since 
slept on stone floors, worn hair shirts and 
kneeled in prayer for hours to quench 
the flames of desire, without, like Origen 
getting rid of the fuel 

8. The heartbreak of self-abuse: As if 


it were not enough for the pure in heart 


to deal with their desires for intercourse 


they have also fought desperately to deny 
themselves self-administered sexual pleas 
ure. Ammon took a vow never to remove 


(concluded on page 190) 


being the detailed account 

of one man’s ongoing struggle 
to place one foot in front of 
the other 


SOFT SCULPTURE BY JoELLEN TRILLING 


experiences. 


humor By RICHARD LIEBMANN-SMITH 


Most runners keep a journal in which to record their running 
Some runners keep records of their diet, weight, how 

they felt, and so forth. Keep whatever kind of journal you like, but 

do attempt one, and from time to time record your resting heart rate, 


—JIM FiXX, The Complete Book of Running 


What makes me want to run? What 
mad mélange of hubris and masochism 
can explain this urge to tax my body and 
soul to the utmost, chasing nothing, flee- 
ing nothing, running neither for money 
nor for glory nor to catch a bus? 

I am running for my life, inspired by 
the Adida Indians of Central America. 
These hardy primitives are truly the 
aristocrats of distance running; an adult 


PLAYBOY 


130 


Adida can cover 100 miles nonstop at a 
pace that would fell an Olympic miler 
And among the Adidas, heart disease is 
unknown. Diabetes, emphyse 
ma, stroke—all are rd of. In fact, 
the Adidas have no medical knowlec 
They are completely illiter 


virtually 
unh 


whatsoever 
ate and believe that the body is an ani 
mal they ride around in. 

ntly into my new incarnation 
as a running machine (fleet, sleek, in 
stinctive, fit beyond belief), I 
golden maxim: “Train, 
For this afternoon’s work 


Easin: 


followed 
the athlete's 
don't strain 

out, I wore my running shoes around the 
for half 


terrycloth headband. Ex 


radually 


n hour, 


partment 


htening my 
cruciating 

Resting heart rate 
cach blub or do blub-blup and blubbedy 


ny 


249. (Do you count 


blup count as one?) 
Thought: "Whatever does not kill me 


makes me stronger," says Nietzsche, the 


dead philosopher 


November 9 
None 
important 


Distance 
The 
equipment 


most single item of 


а runner buys is his ‘T-shirt 
ind the most important question to con 
sider in selecting one is: How will it read 


if I succumb to a massive coronary in 
mid-jog and am found sprawled uncon 
sciot track by a bunch of snooty 


horseback riders? Today I faced the lon 


lonely, agonizing test of T-shirt shop- 


ping, emerging from the fiery caldron of 


indecision with a new definition of who 


ind what I am. 


ТИЕ THRILL, OF VICTORY, THE AGONY OF 
DA FEET struck me as overly literary and 
too long. kiss MF, I'M А JOGGER and BEEP! 
déclassé, 1 


drawn to one with HERE COMES [YOUR 


beer! were obviously was 


NAME] on the front and THERE GOES 
[vour NAME] on the back but was соп 
cerned about the potentially paralyzing 
effect of getting such a garment on back 
ward or, worse, inside out, Ultimately, 1 
settled for IN 


CALL and Dr 


CASE OF EMERGENCY, 
Frankel’s phone 
number 

Resting heart rate: 6. (Gloves.) 

Thought: Man is by nature a running 
The rhythm of the run is etched 
DNA of every 
known literature attests to 


Dick, run! 


animal 


in the very human cell 
The earliest 
this fundamental truth: “Run, 


See Spot run! 


November 17 
None 
A runner must train his mind as well 


Distance 


as his body. We who would aspire to the 
pinnacles of athletic excellence must be 


able to endure pain, monotony, numbing 


repetition, disappointment and despair 

I began my mental workout listening 
to a Stiller and Meara comedy album. I 
followed this with a few brisk spins of 
Mun 
and finally honed my mental stamina on 


Jerry singing In the Summertime, 


a world-class runner's regimen of Peter 


Bogdanovich's grueling At Long Last 
Love 
Resting heart rate: 346. 
Thou 
. 
December 9 
Distance: None 


A brisk lateautumn day, Warm-up ex 


ercises at the reservoir: Flexing, bend 


stretching, pulling, pitting muscle 
muscle in it tense ballet of anticipation, 1 
tuned my inner spiritual ear to the sub 
tle rhythms of my body, Twisting, reach 
ing. gently massaging, 1 established a 
dialog with my body, It responded with 
deepened breathing, quickened pulse, a 
hint of perspiration, My body was turn 


ing on. It wanted to get together for 
lunch next Thursday. I accepted 

An American passed while I was get 
A cig 


led from his paunchy American lips 


ting in touch with my body ette 


dan, 


He called me a name. I compared him 
Adida 


was not worthy 


unfavorably with the Indians, 


whose feet he to sniff 


He called а cop. 
Americans have gone soft. They are a 


nation of spectators—overfed, underex 


ercised, impolite, I despise the American 
lifestyle (deathstyle!) 

Resting heart rate: 419. 

Ihought: I am a foot soldier in the 


war on slobbery 


December 16 


Distance: 100 yards 


Today set foot on the track for the first 
time, renewing that ancient contract of 


sinew, sweat and hard sweet earth, It is 


à contract harking back to the ancient 


Greeks, to semimythical Phidippides, who 


from Marathon to Athens beari 
news of the invention of the goat 
Ran 90 yards before being passed by a 


one-legged guy and a woman on crutches 


Resting heart rate: 525. (Sound in ears.) 
Unlike 


supplicants at the temple of fleet Hermes 


Thought other athletes, we 


do not compete against one another. For 


us, the battle is against the clock, the ele. 


ments and ourselves, I can beat a Timex 


ind thorium. As for the race against my 


self, I may not win, but I figure I'm 


guaranteed at least a tie. 
E 
December 28 
Distance: 300 yards 
Godlike I strode, 
for the first time as what 


experiencir 
Abraham Mas. 


low, middledistance psychologist, has 
called. “the 


spontaneous, coordinate 


functioning with a 


efficient organism 


great flow of power that is so peculiarly 


effortless that it becomes like play—mas 
terful, virtuosolike.” 
This was the fabled runner's “high, 


that spiritual plateau that is the true des 


tination of any run, whatever mundane 


geographical terrain it may happen to 


traverse. Eagerly I jettisoned the weighty 


of my day-to-day 


Danskins for da 


cai 


preoccupations 


not for danc 


(аге cing 
ing. for not dancing, what). My mind 
became all suffused with dazzling 
thoughts of unutterable clarity, How 


and with how little effort! 
that 


much I knew 


It occurred to те ull men are cre 


ated equal. Women, too! Energy, I some 


how sensed, is equal to the product of 


mass times the speed of light squared 


Snatches of Shakespeare flitted thro 
my consciousness, their multihued poetic 


radiance revealed to me for the first time 


Exeunt!” “But soft!” “Alarums within! 
Resting heart rate: 819. (Thumb on 
neck.) 
Thought: Have a nice day! 


H 
December 29 


Distance: 440 ya 


A quarter of a mile 
day I hit the Wall of P 
the very 1 


nonstop! And to- 


in! Yes, I reached 
ts of human endurance. А 


gony ripped my lungs with every 
labored breath. All over my body 


rieked 


white-hot neural cords like 


tendons sli their 


message of an 


guish along 


thousands of Jewish mothers hearing that 


my muscles were marrying thousands of 


shiksas. For the life of me, I couldn't 


recall why I had started this running. Or 


where. Or when, Every time I tried to 


put together a coherent thought, all I 
got was Mungo Jerry and some hooey 
about DNA 

Physic Wall of Pain her 
alded the depletion of stored glyc 
With its carbohydrate 
ply at zero, my body had either to shut 


ally, the 


n in 
my muscles sup 
down or switch to protein fuel. At 300 
yards, I 
Id 
metabolizing my undery 


was burni: sandwich 


g a tuna 


sted last month, At 400, I began 


Restir 


g heart rate 


Final thought: The body is a machine 


A machine with a soul, but a machine 


nonetheless. Treat the body with re 


spect and, like any finely engineered 


machine, it will respond with power 


precision and dependability. Treat it 


with disrespect and, like any machine 


it will fall down in the bushes and 


throw up. 


for the beauties who bloom in that neon-and-baize 
oasis, it’s a hectic night’s journey into day 


Text by JOHN SACK 


Mipnicur. The witching hour. When the gates of the churches creak and the 
tombstones topple over. When the full moon scowls like a one-eyed cat and 
bad girls who aren't in bed turn into chambermaids at the Holiday Inn. And 
their cars into summer squashes. 

But not the girls of Las Vegas. At midnight, the Strip is so radiant in its 
10,000,000 watts that a girl could study the fine print of the help-wanted ads. 
For here, God has created desert—the sands, the dunes and the native animals, 
such as the pink flamingos—out of pink neon bulbs, and the midnight hour 
is as incandescent as midday anywhere else. As everyone else has a good-night 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY R. SCOTT HOOPER 


Life among the Las Vegas footlights attracts many young women, 


Strip, Veg 


is but a dice throw away from Lake Mead National R 


ch as dancer Angelique Pettyjohn, pictu 
sometime car hiker, caddie and dirt biker Susan Smith (above) prefers daw 


з early light on the outskirt: 


creation Area and Susan says she thriv 


above right, amid crested waves of desert sand. By the way, there's plenty of that around. Nevada hap] 


Just о double axel away 
from the scorching desert, cool 
heads, tails, « 

the Hacienda Н. 

tasy Show. Tammy Fe 

(above), one of the Hacienda 
skaters who has hopes of 
becoming on actress or a 
doncer, n ostrich- 
plumed derriére. When Tam- 
my's not doing pirouettes 
cround the rink, she heads to 
jozz-dance class or о disco 
At home (left), Tammy 

catches up on her R & R. 


on the preceding page. But 
wn to the neon glow of the 
in the outdoors. There she is, 


Christine DeSimone (below and right), who 
has been a professional dancer since she was 
15, now performs at the Casino de Paris in 
The Dunes Hotel. She used to cheer for the 
Pittsburgh Steelers as a Steelerette. 


nac, it is coffee break for the girls of 
Las Vegas. 
. 

12:01 л.м. Or thereabouts in a hollow 
corridor at the Circus Circus, Terry 
Сауагеца, a trim-built girl in a silver 
spangled bikini, takes the hands of her 
sisters, sa a cheerleader’s cheer for 
the 6000th time, “We'll do an act without 
a fall! We're all for one and one for all!” 

God be with us,” her older sister says. 

Sticky,” Terry comments, looking 
down at her sweating p 

And they climb to the flying trapeze 

| the clerestory over the fiveline slot 
machines. On the chain ladder, Terry 
now and then pauses, her arm high, her 

e s a drum 
majorette of pinups on bat- 
tleship ladders in World War Two. 51 
swings to the roof, almost, on her trapeze, 


ond then, letting go, she goes into а triple 
somersault and—ohhh, ohhh—falls on 
her back on the safety net. 

The drum rolls. And jumping up and 


Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the noon- 
day sun. Ella Lynn Kollish (right), a trouper 
о! The Dunes Hotel, goes out in it, too; only 
to catch 40 winks at midday, though. By mid- 
night, shell be onstage for the second show. 


ASINO de PATI 


Norma Jean Fregeau (left) is a гео! homebody. She 
likes to cook, sew—and even plays the piano. At 
work as a pit clerk at the Hotel Sahara’s baccarat 
table (below), Norma checks on your limit when 
Lady Luck takes a powder. It’s a high-tension job; 
the wrong word from Norma can put you right out 
of the game, зо to relax on her days off, she points 
her сог west and takes a drive along the ocean. 


a at 


This charming discovery below left, appropriately named Brandy Ray, works as a cocktail woitress. At home, she's a gourmet cook, but 
the attentive will also spot her in local television commercials. Brigitte Corvaisier (below right) wos born in France. She's presently a bank 
teller but sets her sights on а career in travel. For fun, Brigitte ossembles models; she's putting together the Star Wars series now. 


smiling a Doublemint smile to indicate 
that she isn't dead, she climbs back to her 
silver-sequined sisters. “I did something 
funny,” Terry whispers. 

"You had one leg high. And one leg 
brok 
with it 

“Really?” Terry says. She seizes the bar 
again and she says cheese. And floats 
through the air with the greatest of ease. 
While wearing her silver B.V.D.s. And 
does three somersaults, if you please! 

I'm in love with the girl on the flying 
trapeze! 


sister says, “and you broke 


б 

12:30 л.м. “Oh, God forbid,” says 
Tammy Feuer, a blonde, an absolute 
doll, a girl whose laugh is a waterfall in 
the Sierras. In bare breasts but in feath. 
ers of some orange ostrich and (as if 
enough weren't enough) in ice skate 
too, she has just discerned that a skate 
blade is looser than a ndal's sole as 
the curtain ascends on the ice show at the 
Hacienda Hotel. The audience applauds. 
The orchestra plays Let Us Entertain 
You. “Oh, God,” Tammy laughs, and 
starts skating on in figure eights. To fall 
on an un-ice-proofed ass in front of 600 


people! 
She doesn’t, And, skating off, she 
clumps upstairs to her dressing room to 
fetch (from the lip pencil 
eyeliner pencils, etc) a six-inch screw- 
driver. Her leg in the lotus posture, her 
hand as adept as the village smith's, she 
screws herself together again, and she 
laughs as she picks up Pencil Puzzles, 


eye pencils, 


(1) Most everyone enjoys a good 
pumpkin. 

(2) Most everyone pumpkins every 
day. 

(3) Generally 


Tammy laughs. "Go and guess what 
pumpkin is," she says to the girl at the 
photo-plastered mirror near her. The 
photos, incidentally, are of naked men. 

I already guessed. It's talk,” the girl 
replies. 

Tammy laughs again. And everyone 
down for the South American number! 
In bare breasts but a hat of paper grapes, 
apples and oranges and in her ice-evapo 
ng smile, she is skating on just after 
laughing, "Aaagh! The screws are all 
loose again!" 


ra 


" 
1:00 A.M. It's mad, mad, mad on the 
¢ of the one-o'clock spectacle at the 
The big red curtain is down and 
the panting stagehands are dragging 
|, the ocher columns of Karnak, the 
amids of Giza, the Sphinx and the 
other antiquities from the Egyptian num- 
ber. Ella Kallish, six feet tall, three feet 
(and one inch) topless and 142 in intel- 
ligence quotient—Ella has, well, button- 
holed another performer to try to 
terminate one of the more exorbitant of 
the lifestyles of Las Vegas. For months, 


sta 


You might say Rhoda Barton (obove) is doggedly determined; she raises pedigreed Huskies. 
Young and tall and tan and lovely Darlene Madison (below) deals 21 о! the Golden Nugget. 
She works in the production department at the Las Vegos Review-Journal, makes television 
commercials and somehow finds time to paint, too, which may be why she’s resting here. 


r (above, flashing a smile), obviously favors the wet look so popular in 

з and car washes. If Sallie looks familiar, it may be that you've n her os 
а Bunny in the New York Playboy Club. Lea Renalt (below) showers herself with 
memories. A professional model, Lea's got plenty of photos to ponder. At right, Eva Maria 
Courtoi reveals an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny ton line. A real fitness freak, Eva manages а 
health club. Her real goal, though, she confessed to us, is to dance with a punk-rock group. 


she has taken taxis to the stores, laundro. 
mats, discotheques and The Dunes and 
has spent $4000 doing it. 

“I hear you're selling an Opel,” Ella 


First,” Ella continues, “let me explain 
my financial situation. Since when I do, 
no one’s interested anymore. I can pay 
fifty dollars weekly 

“OK, I'll give you the lowball from 


ls!" Ella yells, pulling off 
the clothes of Cleopatra, pulling on the 
clothes of Pocahontas and whooping onto 
congested stage for the Indian 
number. "Heyaya! Heyaya! Heya 
heya!" the men in their loincloths s 
In the audience are 200 gentlemen of 
Japan (lucky little stiffs: To them it's five 
in the afternoon) and Rhoda Barton, a 
cocktail waitress with a 40-inch bust. “It 
shocks me,” Rhoda whispers. “It's nasty 
to walk around with your titties out.” 
. 
1:30 A.M. In the casinos, in the dim 
light (text continued on page 140) 


7 


Corol Nicholson (left), who hails from north of 
the border, has kept herself on ice for several 
years: She's a professional skater. Following а 
five-year stint with the Ice Capades, this love- 
ly Canadian hos performed in a number of 
Los Vegas ice shows—at the moment, the Ha- 
ciendo's Ice Fontosy extravaganza, in which 
she's the center skater in the photo above. 
Off hours, Carol camps out in the mountains 


THANKS FOR 
VISITING о 


A, /, 
„аа едай? 
COME AGAIN 
SOON 


The spotlight ond the drumbeat coax women from all walks of life onto the 
Palomino stage. That's student teacher Teri Tomas, left, before her striptease debut 
As you can see in the photo above, Teri (far left) is starting to shed her inhibitions 


Most Palomino winners ride high 
| г оп five minutes of exhibitionism, 
in which a would-be | , then zip up and go home. Not so 


pedagog finds a new career for Teri Tomas. The school bell no 
gog ger tolls for her. She's chosen a 


at vegas’ palomino club line, that of professional strip- 
per. Following an apprenticeship 
at the Palomino, Teri hos taken her 
show on the road. Judging from 


the pictures on this page, she 
egas tourists tend to break out pap 


(2, and boogie in а way that would 
make the neighbors back home 
blush. Of course, all they'll ever 

know is what you tell them on your 

postcard. For instance, you may forget 


caught on fost. Clockwise, from 
left: Teri shakes a tail feather 
(oops, forgot the feather), romps 
down the runway, does a few le 
stretches and pauses for a bri 


close encounter with patrons. 
to mention the night you horsed around 


at the Palomino Club, a popular, bot 
tomless burlesque establishment that 
features a nightly amateur striptease con- 
test. The runway is open to all comers Compared with some of her rivals, Teri may be off to а slow start (above), but 
and has drawn graying matrons as well as her jeans finally slip to the stage. And, in the end, our teach emerges victorious: 
Teri Tomas, the young student teacher Bob Mitchell pronounces her the Palomino’s top filly of the evening (below). 
whose victorious promenade we record = ت“‎ E 
on these pages. The competition begins 

ith solo performances, everybody strip- 
ping down from street clothes to birthday 
suits. Then all contestants return and do 
it again together, and the winner is se 
lected by audience applause. Resident 
applause-o-meter and creator of the con 
test is onetime burlesque comedian Bob 
Mitchell, who acts as т.с. and generally 
encourages Palomino Club audiences to 
feel their oats. The audience, by the way, 
usually includes as many women as men 
The contestants—who come from all 

ver the world—are, however, 100 per- 
cent woman. The winner receives a cash 
prize and gets to put her clothes back on, 
but every entrant can leave the runwa) 
firm in the conviction that for a few min- 
utes, however ficetingly, every eye in the 
room was glued to her. 


PLAYBOY 


140 


chandeliers: in the pallor of middle 
earth, а Mexican in an apricot-colored 
suit is pressing—raising—the bet by $500, 
$500, 5500 at the Sahara's baccarat table. 
As the six of diamonds comes from the 
red-plastic shoe, he learns that he has lost 
54500. "You can't count very good," the 
Mexican shouts. In his white-patent- 
leather pumps (and his white matching 
bobby socks) he looks like the Godfather. 
"No, you owe forty-five hundred dol- 
ars," the dealer murmurs. 
"You better not get smart," the Mexi- 
can shouts. 
"m not getting——' 
ain't signing nothing for forty-five!” 

Norma Fregeau, the pit clerk, an 
exotically colored girl who sits in an ill- 
lit corner with a couple of dozen pigeon- 
holes and staplers, sharpeners and paper 
clips like a clerk in some melancholy 
novel by Dickens. is placing а call on a 
five-button telephone. "Give me a run- 
down on"—and she names the Mexican. 
"He's out," she reports to the dealer a 
minute later, 

“Whi 
He's out,” Norma repeats, and she 
slices her index finger across her gold- 
chokered throat. She looks coolly out of 
her corner at that maraca-mouth from 
Mexico. “Turkey,” she whispers. 

L 

00 л.м. At this dark hour, Darlene 
Madison is looking quite like a harpist as 
she deals 21 at the Golden Nugget. The 
cards fly off her finger tips like sixteenth 
notes, One quick fingernail neatens them 
and she sweeps them up one minute later 
s if she were doing glissandi in Debussy's 
Sonata for Flute, Viola and Harp. Aud, 
plink! She slides a pile of ten-dollar 
chips to an old, old man in a red.plaid 
shirt, "Oh, thank you,” the old man says. 
"I'll give you a smooch for it.” 

"Now don't be а fool and be losing it,” 

arlene says. 
ious. Her brother lost all his 
money once d S400 of hers, besides) 
in 21 in Las Vegas. She remembers him. 
She remembers how she and Sonny had. 
looked for lizards in their childhood, say- 
ing, "Now, don't touch their tails!" She 
had translated for him, toc 

"I wanna wassa gussa.’ 

"What?" their mother would say. 

"He wants a glass of water, Mom." 

And 20 years later, he had come to her, 
crying, “I got а gambling problem, sis. 

"So that's where the money's gone to." 

"I'm moving out to Chicago. 

And now, the old, old man in the red- 
plaid shirt is in the red himself at the 
Golden Nugget. In its rose-colored glow, 
he is chewing his lower lip as he tries 
to recapture the pile of ten-dollar after- 
dinner mints. “Aww,” he whines to 
Darlene. “Why dincha gimme a three, 
instead?" 


“Dear Lord,” Darlene, a Catholic, is 
saying in her most secret self, “help him 
to stand up and walk away from here, 
amen." She shuffles the cards with the 
fingers of a Segovia. 

. 

2:30 л.м. At the green table, Brigitte 
Corvaisier is looking down at an eight 
of spades as she draws a seven of hearts, 
saying, “АП right!" She wears denim 
cutoffs and a T-shirt of Mickey Mouse, 
ппіе Mouse and Donald Duck. She is 
barefoot, too. 

On the back of the cards themselves 
are red, yellow, black and white pictures 
of Mickey Mouse. As she does every night 
ter work (as reverently as others do 
transcenden meditation), she is play- 
ing solitaire in her kitchen, a half hour 
from the Strip at Sunrise Mountain. "I 
want to play rummy with you,” her litle 


Brigitte answers softly. "I want 
to play solitain 

"Whatever," her little sister says. 

She understands. On the one hand, 
there's the serenity of two-o'clock soli- 
ire. On the other, there are the discos— 
the tooloud tunes, the too many men, 
the ones blowing smoke up someone's 
nose as they try to maneuver her to their 
pads. Her sister remembers how Brigitte 
said, "I wouldn't want to trade solitaire 
for all that hustle and bustle, would 
уои 

The light of the chandelier falls on the 
tablecloth as Brigitte, a bank teller by 
day, is drawing a six of spades, saying, 
MI їйдїн!" 


3:00 л.м, But everyone else in Vegas is 
on the oak floor of its innest disco, the 
Jubilation, Terry, the girl on the flying 
trapeze, is dancing to Stayin’ Alive, Ella, 
the girl with the taxi habit, is telling an 
importexport man, “I'm for dancing. 
I'm not for romancing.” Norma, the pit 
clerk, is telling friends, “I'm going to be 
in rrAvnov." A girl whose exotic origins 
are France, Italy and Spain, her fantasy 
is to be shown in the centerfold at a 
plaza de toros somewhere with a bull, 
ifiably tame, and no other clothes but 
ed mule 

"You understand about the stars in the 
P," а salesman says to Norma. He refers 
to the little stars on the cover of PLayBoy, 
one to 11 for the Eastern, Western, et 
editions. 

"No, what about them?" Norma asks. 

“They're there on account of Hefner, 
One lor every time that he balls the 
Playmate. 
1 don't believe i 
‘You better believe it,” the salesman 
says. 

“But I haven't even met him, 
protests, 

Cynthia Parker is in her 15th minute 


Norma 


of nonstop stepping but—too broke for 
the Jubilation—is one mile east, jogging 
along the rubber-coated track at the Uni- 
versity of Nevada. Jogging at three 
o'clock in the morning, everyone! In the 
starlight, like a camel crossing the desert 
("The sun's anvil,” says Omar Sharif in 
Lawrence of Arabia). Clop, «ор, clop, 
Cindy is dressed in blue nylon shorts, 
and at her blueand-whitestriped feet a 
German shepherd is nipping now as 

ndy says, "Hey, puppy. stay in your 
lane!" And clop for another quarter mile. 

. 

3:30 л.м. On coming home from the 
Jubilation, Sallie Lancaster hears the 
sou n upstairs. "Is that you, 
Sall 

“Hi, Daddy,” Sallie says, And, washing 
up, she goes to the copper-colored stove 
and is cooking herself a supper of bacon, 
cheese, catsup, scrambled eggs and a 
Pepsi as her father, 60, a dentist, comes 
in in bluestriped pajamas. 

“Sallie, what do you think they'll say 
in rLaysoy? 

“I don't know, Daddy. Why? 

‘Cause what do you think they can 
say? I'm normal, You're normal, We are 
just normal people.” 

"I drink to it, Daddy." 

"So whats there to say about us, 
Sallie? You wake up. you brush your 
teeth—and you brush the damn enamel 
off—you work every day and you come 
home. 

"Sometimes 1 come home,” Sallie says. 
She smiles an imp's little smile, the tip of 
her tongue in her immaculate teeth. 

“So you shack up, sometimes, too. And 
that’s normal, too,” her father says. 

"Oh, Daddy. 1 do more than you do." 

“Do you do it backward upside down?” 
might not be as knowledgeable as 
you, because" 

"You don't do it 
dow: 

“Because you're older than 1 am, 

nd” 

"Backward upside down, Ah, I had fun 
that way,” her father says. "Now I don't 
even do it, Except every year at Thanks- 
giving." 

And they talk, talk, talk. By the dock 
on the copper-colored oven, it is bedtime 
even in Honolulu. 


backward upside 


. 
1:00 л.м. Extra! Extra! Someone. has 
fallen asleep in Las Vegas, Nevada! It 
happened, inadvertently, of course, to 
Tammy, the screw-loose girl at the ice 
show, as she watched the Late, Late, Late 
Show on channel five, An American in 
Paris. At her home, Tammy had changed 
to rubber thongs, sat on the spinach- 
colored carpet, turned on a Zenith 
and listened to her boyfriend say of 
(concluded on page 142) 


а warning (o virgins and young men about a certain vile practice 


from a New England broadside of 1785 


BUNDLING. A man and a woman 
sleeping in the same bed, he with his 
small clothes, and she with her pet 
coats оп; an expedient practiced in 
America on a scarcity of beds, where, 
on such an occasion, husbands and 
parents frequently permitted. travel- 
ers to bundle with their wives and 
daughters.—IS8/1 Dictionary of the 
Vulgar Tongue. 


а new bundling song: 

Or а reproof to those Young Country 
Women, who follow that reproachful 
Practice, and to their Mothers for up- 
holding them therein, 


Since bundling very much abounds, 

In many parts in country towns, 

No doubt but some will spurn my song, 

And say I'd better hold my tongue: 

But none, I'm sure, will take offense, 

Or deem my song impertinence, 

But only those who guilty be, 

And plainly here their pictures see. 

Some maidens say, if through the nation, 

Bundling should quite go out of fashion, 

Courtship would lose its sweets: and they 

Could have no fun till wedding day. 

It shan't be so, they rage and storm, 

And country girls in clusters swarm, 

And йу and buzz, like angry bees, 

And vow they'll bundle when they please. 

Some mothers, too, will plead their 

And give their daughters great appl 

And tell them, ‘tis no sin nor shame, 

For we, your mothers, did the same; 

We hope the custom ne'er will alter, 

But wish its enemics a halter. 

Dissatisfaction great appear'd, 

In several places where they've heard 

Their preacher's bold, aloud disclaim 

"That bundling is a burning shame: 

This, too, was cause of direful rout 

And talk'd and told of, all about, 

"That ministers should disapprove 

Sparks courting in a bed of love, 

So justified the custom more 

"Than e'er was heard or known before. 

The pulpit then it seems must yield. 

And female valor take the field, 

In places where their custom long 

Increasing strength has grown so strong: 

When mothers herein bear a sway, 

And daughters joyfully obey. 

And young men highly pleased, too, 

Good Lord! what can't the devil do? 

Can this vile practice ne'er be broke? 

Is there no way to give a stroke, 

‘To wound it or to strike it dead, 

And girls with sparks not go to bed? 

“Twill strike them more than preacher's 
tongue, 

‘To let the world know what they've 
don 


And let it be in common fame, 

Held up to view a noted shame. 

Young miss, if this your practice һе, 

ТИ teach you now yourself to see: 

You plead you're honest, modest, too, 

But such a plea will never do: 

For how can modesty consist, 

With shameful practice such a 

I'll give your answer to the life: 

"You don't undress, like man and wife.” 

"That is your plea, ГЇЇ freely own, 

But who's your bondsman when alone, 

That further rules you will not break, 

And marriage liberties partake? 

Some really do, as I suppose, 

Upon design keep on some clothes, 

And yet in truth, I'm not afi 

For to describe a bundling т; 

She'll sometimes say when she lies down, 

She can't be cumber'd with a gown, 

And that the weather is so warm, 

То take it off can be no harm: 

The girl, it seems, had been at strift; 

For widest bosom to her shift, 

She gownless, when the bed they're in, 

The spark, nought feels but naked skin. 

But she is modest, also chaste, 

While only bare from neck to waist, 

And he of boasted freedom sings 
ALUSTAATION BY BRAD HOLLAND 


this? 


Ribald Classic 


Of all above her apron strings. 
And where such freedoms great are shi 
And further freedoms feebly bar'd, 
1 leave for others to relate 
How long she'll keep her virgin state. 
Another pretty lass we'll scan. 
Who loves to bundle with a man, 
For many dillerent ways they take, 
"Through modest rules they all will break. 
Some clothes I'll keep on, she will say, 
For that has always been my way. 
Nor would I be quite naked found, 
With spark in bed, for thousand pound. 
But petticoats, I've always said, 
Were never made to wear in bed. 
I'll take them off, keep on my gown, 

nd then I dare defy the town 

To charge me with immodesty, 

While I so ever cautious be. 

The spark was pleased with his maid, 

Of apprehension quick he said, 

Her witty scheme was keen, he swore, 
Lying in gown open before. 

Another maid when in the dark, 
Going to bed with her dear spark, 

She'll tell him that "tis rather shocking 
То bundle in with shoes and stockings. 
Nor scrupling but she's quite discreet, 
Lying with naked legs and feet, 

With petticoat so thin and short 
"That she is scarce the better for't; 

But you will say that I'm unfair, 
That some who bundle take more care, 
For some we may with truth suppose 
Bundle in bed with all their clothes. 

But bundler's clothes are no defense, 
Unruly horses push the fence; 
A certain fact ГЇЇ now relate, 
That's true, indeed, without debate, 
A bundling couple went to bed, 
With all their clothes from foot to head. 
That the defense might seem complete, 
Each one was wrapped in а sheet. 
But, Oh! this bundlin's such а witch 
‘The man of her did catch the itch, 
And so provoked was the wretch 
That she of him a bastard catch'd. 
Ye bundle misses, don't you blush, 
You hang your heads and bid me hush. 
If you won't tell me how you feel, 
ГЇЇ ask your sparks, they best can tell. 
But it is custom, you will say, 
And custom always bears the sway. 
If I won't take my sparks to bed, 
A laughingstock I shall be made; 
A vulgar custom ‘tis, I own, 
Admir'd by many a slut and clown, 
But "tis a method of proceeding, 
As much abhorr'd by those of breed 
You're welcome to the lines I've pe 
For they were written by a friend, 
Who'll think himself quite well rewarded 
IL this vile practice is discarded. 


ing. 
n'el, 


141 


PLAYBOY 


142 


GIRLS OF LAS VEGAS 


(continued from page 110) 


abbing up her clothes, 
the park with all of her 


she is running 
40 inches out.” 


out of 


Gene Kelly, “Wow! He сап really dance 
can't he 
hed 


music! I got m 


"He's fabulous!" Tammy la 


"I got rhythm! 1 got 


gal! Who can ask for anything 
Snore, for Tammy (who danced at her 
jazedance class at four o'clock in the 


at six o'clock, skated on 
shit o'clock 
it ten o'clock, skated again 


afternoon, ate 
iuditioned as а 


thin ice at e 
5400 dancer 
at 12 o'clock, went to a disco show at two 
o'clock) is fast asleep at four o'clock on 
the spinach-colored carpet. One down in 
Las Vegas. 
. 

1:30 л.м. But everyone else is up. Re 

member Rhoda? The girl with the 40. 


inch bust and the flapper's face? The one 


who didn't think it was decorous to м 
As high as 
the Hilton at half past four, she has 


around with your titties out 


regressed to baby talk and has suc 


mbed to the munchies, too. "I wanna 


nanner split and а Cockie-Cola," Rhoda 
announces at Dairy Queen. "Aw," she 
says to a gentleman with her. "You got 
Her in 
dex finger fillips a little of his whipped 
am off and 
gotta chair, mam 


more whoop cream than I do. 


e Rhoda continues, "We 


translation, 


or, in 

We gotta share, man. Do you want my 

cherry 
Yeah 
"You gotta catch it, Oh," she contin 


the man says. 


ues as he opens his mouth and closes his 
eyes, "you look like a panting dog 
Catch!" It ricochets off his nose and 
Rhoda says 


The two 


‘Oh, 1 lost my little cherry! 
skiddoo from the 
А ball in a pinball machine, the 
the 


Dairy 
Queen. 


that they're in caroms throu 
its of Vegas to Sunset Park 
closed, but the two climb over the Cy 
clone fence to the manual merry-go-round 
1 wanna 
potamus!" After that 


It is now 


is Rhoda says, on the hippie 


Rhoda does cart 
the slide and 
higher, hig 
says, “Oh! oh! I'm getting 
Vnd falling off and taking 
TOUCH THE 


nonkey bı 


wheels to the 


the swing and, as she swing 


er and high 


nauseous! 


off her yellow top (bow 
THEY'RE 
and her white pants, she 
make love in the dark in Sunset P 

“There's the Big Dipper,” F 


whispers. It's 30 minutes later 


KNONS ApJustep, the letters say) 
and her date 


k 


ind she is 


supine on the starshadowec 

Where is it? 

There. Ri 
Chi chi c 
"God! What's going оп? 
Chi chi chi chi 


ut there," Rhoda whispers. 


Rhoda cries. 


God! They've turned the 
on us, 


sprinklers 


Rhoda cries. "And there are the 
rangers there!" And 


Clothes and her 


grabbing up her 
red-and-green-flowered 
out of the park 
with all of her 40 inches out 
thing else 


purse, she is running 


And every 


. 
5:00 л.м. Ella, the taxi addict, the girl 
and the 142 in 
telligence quotient, is depressed with the 
Jubilation. She 
napkin, “The 
tered faces, like the blank pictures on 
walls." All night long. Ella has 


been assa 


with the six-foot body 


scribbles on a cocktail 


painted smiles on plas 


white 


ed by the unabashed men in 


open-buttoned shirts. "Wow, I'm in love 


with you.” “Oh, you're wearing white. It 


will go with my car.” “Do you do co 


caine, baby Do you want to go, иһ 


somewhere else?” “It will be cool, baby 


As cool as the other side of your 


pillow," Ella has answered that one. And 
scribbling this on another cocktail пар 
kin, she has finished her Coke and 
slipped out of the Jubilation 

Hey, Ella 


come alone and you р 


You 
How 


the doorman 


о home à 


come? 
It's how I like it," Ella says 
A taxi takes her to her bedroom living 


room. In her refrigerator, there is a $70 


bottle of Taittinger 1971 (“I'm sorry 
They're out of '66," an admirer with a 
pink carnation told her), but it’s half 
frozen over, like a frozen daiquiri. “Well 
I've got me a champagne frappé," says 


Ella, and she pours some into a plastic 


glass, She sits down, extricates (like an 
infant at a difficult birth) the cocktail 
napkins out of her tight white pants 


types the bons mots onto. paper 
them in a file folder and 


places 
as she finishes 
her iced. champagne, takes one of her 


own poems out for the hundreth time 


Dad makes me unhappy 
1 try to talk to him 


but he is so busy being sad, he 


oesn't hear 


Instead, I sit and stare 
and 1 see 
deeper, 


at him 


deeper and 


eating 


at his insides 
g him in half 
tell him 1 love him, 


1 not listen 


It’s almost day, and she sweeps the 


hairpins off her cool-pillowed bed 
. 
But Daddy 


5:30 л.м says Sallie, the 


1 who does or doesn't do it backward 


upside down 


I don't really love him 
You would be happier, wouldn't vou, if 
I marry someone who's down to earth 
who I really love? 

Well, honey, 
in their kitchen at this u 
"I can't—I can't 
should marry. I just think if you don't 
Who's that 


1 with the old, old man in that camper 


her dentist daddy says 


dly hour 


I can't say who vou 


hurry up will say 


in Yellowstone Park? 


Sallie lav 
teeth is a jujube 
Sallie says 

And tick t 
copper-colored oven. God, has anyone in 


tonight? Yes 


and her tongue 
Daddy 


I'll hurry up 


k goes the clock on the 


this city Betty 


ss at Caesars Palace, has 


slept 


Bryant, a ho 


been asleep since nine in her four-poster 


colonial 1 


To stay up all hours is not 


her habit anymore. A few vears she 


had two bottles of Cabernet every night 
pot, phenobarbitol, codeine, cocaine, 150 
milligrams of Serax and one hard pack 
of Nat Sherman's Cigarettes. She worked 
1s а madam and for recreation was a real 


witch, honest to God, “Okka wakok 


or something like it, Betty would say 


ind someone a mile away would drop 


over dead. She was suicidal herself, And 


one day, she washed with Tone and 
brushed with Aim and gargled with 
Listerine and told herself, “It's a new 


day, and it's a new life 
By half past five today (as every day) 

she has been awake with the sparrows 

has fed 


300 sparrows, has walked her 


German shepherd, has fed her cat and 


has watered her 40 pothoses, philoden 
drons and ferns, telling them, "Grow 
for me! Get beautiful!” She has eaten 


her seven-grain cereal in a silver-rimmed 


bowl to fortify her 16 hours of ten 


nis, racquetball, training dogs, riding 


horses, breaking horses and driving her 


four-wheeler up to Red. Rock Canyon 


Right now, she is stretch her arms, 


hand 


and finger tips to the white hori 


zon in the surya namaskara asanas 
yoga to greet the morning sun. 
^ 
6:00 л.м. Myself, if 1 must be up at 


the dawn's early light, it better be to be 


going to bed, thank you, and 1 am 


air-conditioned 


to my and drape 


rkened room as the 


ts of the Sands, The 


the 


sun overpowers 


Dunes, the 


hara and the Flamingo Hilton hotels. 


d night, ог good morning, girls of 
Silver Dollar City. I love you all. Do not 
believe, reader, that the you women of 


Vegas are hookers and hard-nosed or 


tunists—no, they're as warm, fresh and 
America. 
Appreciate them. But just don't tele 


phone them until one o'clock 


miraculous as anyone else in 


MENTHOL: В mg. "tar", 0.6 mg. nicotine, FILTER: 9 mg. "tar" 
0.7 mg. nicotine, av. per cigarette, ЕТС Report MAY 78. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 


That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health 


“Reals got Bante taste! 


Strong...more like 


The strong tasting low tar. 


a high tar." 


©1978 R. J, Reynolds Tobacco Co. 


PLAYBOY 


14 


Rothschild uan pase s2) 


“The ’29 Mouton was not just the best wine served 
that night but a wine to mark one’s life.” 


one another's stuffy evening dress and 
within minutes, Thia and 1 felt em- 
braced. There were no social tests to 
pass, We were there and that was enough. 
By the time the butler announced dinner, 
we were boisterous and talkative: 

In ancient European homes belor 
to nobles, it was the custom not to have 
a dining room but to set up dinner tables 
in different locations around the castle 
Our first dinner at М 
in the baron's library, Surrounded by 
lcather-bound first editions, we sat down 
at a table set by the library windows. By 
tradition, there are по cut flowers any 
where at Mouton: Every plant is living 
On the table were about a dozen tiny 
pols, cach planted with a different wild 
flower or wood. The late Pauline de 
Rothschild, Philippe's American-born 
wife, is credited with the chite 


ng 


uton was served 


u's 
istry, including the peculiar and ori 
tal 
berry bush, a couple of asparagus she 

(A few days later, I peeked into an- 
other room where woman gardener 
known as Mariela-Fleur, trained by 
Pauline, was arranging her tiny potted 
planis for dinner. Her main job at the 
chiteau is to take а daily bicycle ride 
her plants 
places the 


decor: tall cauliflowers, a small 


through the countryside to 


and weeds; then, when sl 


cvening's selection on the table, she sits 


in every guest's chair for a few moments, 
adjusting the position of e 


h pot to 
make sure that no person's vision of the 
mes across the table is obstructed.) 
Meals at Mouton are accompanied by 
a small printed menu with the Roth- 
schild coat of arms embossed at the top 
five arrows fanned out like a hand of 
cards, held together by a ram's head. 
The courses are listed (Philippe’s chef 
has refused offers from three-star restau 
rants), followed by a list of wines: three 
at lunch, four at dinner, The best wine 
of the evening is reserved for the third 
course, That first night, after a Cháteau 
Margaux and а Château Latour that 
were roughly as old as I am- the 
house wine was poured from one of the 
baron’s special, high-necked decanters: It 
was а 1929 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild. 
Those knowledgeable about wine con- 
sider the "29 Mouton the wine of the 
century. If you can find a bottle to buy, 
it will run you upwards of $740. So it 
was not just the best wine served that 
night but a wine to mark one’s life. 
Conversation was eclectic, carcening 
from drama to politics to the recent visit 
of "Queen Mum” to the foibles of some 


of the guests at the table. Tt was шь 
strained and funny and occasionally 
unchy. If anyone thre; 
pompous or pretentious 
was ready to pounce. 

clude Ph 
baronial p. 


ied to become 


an Littlewood 


his did not ex 
ippe. After a short stretch of 
tification on French politics: 


JOAN: Say, Guy, you belong on 
Hyde Park Corner 

muere: Ah, Joan, people in 
glass houses— 

JOAN: Should turn out the lights 
when they go to bed. 

РиндрРЕ: Let’s just have some si- 
lence for a change, (4 moment's 
quiet around the table.) Ahhh, what 
a nice silence 

JOAN: Mmm-hmm. And look who 
broke it 


Dinner lasted three hours. Philippe 
flirted with Thia and held forth in a 
comm 
а braying. fullthroated laugh, mostly 
when d something. Guy talked 
about his friend Simone Signoret; Lars 
pout a wonderful castle he and Ingrid 
had visited in Norway: Philippine about 
a Star Trek episode and Monsieur Spock 
I scrubbed the rust off my French and 
tried to keep ир, With my second glass 
of "29, I insisted on complimenting Phi. 
lippe « 
on the subject. "Oui, c'est pas mal,” he 
admitted. A high compliment: Not bad 
He refused to use the jargon of connois 
seurs, dismissing most wine experts with 
a snort of contempt. "Snobs are useful," 
he said, “but I judge my wine by wheth- 
er my guests ask for seconds.” Besides, 
he went on, a wine can't be judged in 
a vacuum. It depends on the circum- 
stances in which it is savored. And by 


ding voice that would break into 


n sa 


the wine and drawing him out 


those standards, he said, the best bottle 
of wine he ever had was a carafe of 
ordinary white wine he shared with the 
first love of his life in a tavern in 
the Pyrenees, 

First love!" Joan sniffed. “Why don't 
you tell us about your other loves?" She 
turned to the rest of us. “Why, the man 
has had adventures on every conti- 
neni 

Now you're going too far!" Philippe 
warned, He sounded gruff but unmenac- 
ing 


Oh,” Joan said, unfazed, “you Roth- 
schilds don't scare me.” 

No?" The baron was already calmer. 
“What are you going to dc 


banker cousins on me?” 


sic your 
ied to 


me іп a mock whisper. “Chateau Lafite 
is the enemy fortress. The cousins fire 
shots across Mouton's bows every morn- 
ing before breakfast." 

Philippe shot an uneasy glance at me, 
slapped the table in exasperation and 
tried to join the conversation to his left 
No one was ruffled by the exchan, 
ter at the table was the rule. Three waiters 
came out with dessert—meringue gla 
nd the cellarmaster poured the 
a chilled Cha 


I the sweet sau 


ban- 


fourth wine of the even: 
teau d'Yquem, the queen 
ternes, vintage 1914. On the shelves 


round us, books in bright-red and brown 
leather gleamed as the пк 
through slatted windows. I wate 
generations of Rothschilds: Philippe, his 
head thrown back in his throaty Laugh 
Philippine, gesturing theatrically with 
а red-lacquered fingernail; Julien, his 
eyes darting from his mother to his 
grandfather 

While dessert plates were being cleared 


poked 


ed three 


and brandy and Monte Cristos were 
being passed around, I asked Philippine 
quietly if Joan had been serious about 
the cousins’ being enemies. 

Well, no,” she 
not really, There's always this, you 
know.” She had flipped the menu be 
tween us and was tapping her finger on 
the coat of arms, Five arrows, Clustered in 
the middle, pointi 


1 with a slight smile, 


outward. 


. 
In 1769, like other Jews in Frank 
furt's overcrowded, medieval ghetto, May 


er Rothschild had to wear a yellow star 


n his coat, pay a Jew Tax when he 


crosed a bridge and tip his hat when 
young thugs yelled, “Jew, do your duty! 
That year, he sold a few coins to an agent 
of the crown prince, William, which en 
titled the family to a plaque by the door 
BY SPECIAL APPOINTMENT. In the years thot 
followed, by collecting coins avidly and 
undercutting established brokers, Mayer's 
modest trade picked up. 

He had five sons and five daughters. 
The daughters didn't count; the sons 
did—prodigiously, He taugi 
their first lesson: All the brothers shall 
stand together; all shall be responsible 
for the actions of the others, And then 
nd lesson: Buy che; 


t the boys 


their sec э, sell dear 


In 1806, Napoleon invaded most of 


Europe. It was the Rothschilds’ big 
break: They were commissioned by the 
Нееїп 


Prince William to collect аз many 
debts for him as they could before 


Vapoleon's collectors did the same thing 
They did fine and took their cut off the 


top. Number-three son, Nathan, а chub 


by youngster, went to London to eng 
in a bit of war profiteering. He did fine 
too. In fact, by the time Waterloo rolled 
und in 1815, Nathan, who still spoke 
in what the British thought a comical 


(continued on page 156) 


"I'm sorry, Mrs. Smith, but our tests show your child 


isa changeling left by the fairie. 


145 


"ИЕШЕ 
AL m 


it was quite a twelvemonth— 
with everything from the 
beautiful people taking it off 
in discos to the pro-football 
brass blowing its cool 
over our uncoverage of 
those rousing cheerleaders 


EVERY TIME we get to thinking the sexual rev- 
olution has been won, something happens to 
make us conscious that there are people out 
there who don't even know the battle has 
started. How else can one interpret what hap- 
pened in 1978, a year in which everybody, 
but everybody, in the jet set vied to appear 
in the most outrageous costume, or lack of 
same, in the latest chic discos; in which 
nude sun-bathing became virtually common- 
place; in which eternal starlet Edy Willia 
stripped not only at the Cannes Film Festival 
but in the middle of a boxing ring (as a prel- 
ude to the Muhammad Ali-Leon Spinks fight 
that proved rather more interesting than the 
title bout itself); and in which live sex clubs 
put orgies within every man’s reach? It was 
also a year in which the powers that be in the 
National Football League, after having titil- 
lated the public with rump-wiggling, bosom- 
bouncing displays of femininity, reacted in 
holier-than-thou horror when a few of the 
ladies, inaccurately known as cheerleaders, 
actually took off some of their clothes for 
PLAYBOY. The performance smacked of the 
hypocritical, particularly in the case of the first 
cheerleader fired for her pose: a young lady 
who had held the title of Miss Nude 
California and was first runner-up for 
Miss Nude U.S.A. long before she caught. Ў 
the recruiting eye of the San Diego Charg- 

ers. By the time the dust clears, there may be 
no pro-football “cheerleading” squads left, 
which would be too bad: Maybe somebody 
should hire Edy as a sort of traveling one-wom- 
an half-time entertainment squad. For the 
most part, though, sex in '78 was fun—which 


146 is exactly as it should be. Read on, and enjoy. 


DISCO FEVER 


{ 


"What differentiates discomania from most of its g 
predecessors,” wrote Albert Goldman in Esquire, “isits Ý 
overt tendency to spill over into orgy.” Below, New f 
York's Studio 54, where the Beautiful People get it on. 


Reigning queen of disco singing is amazing 
Grace Jones (left, at a Studio 54 shindig); 
coming up fast in Europe is Sweden's 
blonde bombshell Madieen Kane (below). 


partygoers cavort at Hurrah, a two-year-old Man- 
hattan disco now devoted to rock 'n' roll (above). 


Making its bid to rival 
Studio 54, Xenon has 
neon decor, colorful 
clientele. Below, left to 
right, dancer/model 
Danger of Le Clique; 
silver-plated porn star 
Marc Stevens; an un- 
encumbered dancer. 


Guests at La Valbonne, a private disco in London, 
sometimes choose a novel way of cooling it: joining 
the bikinied miss in the роо! (above). In Miami, the 
| action is at Le Dome in the Cricket Club (below). 


Everybody, but everybody. shows up at Studio 54—from masked partygoers to 
PLAYBOY cover girl Dolly Parton. Below, model Sterling St. Jacques makes the disco 
Scene with Bianca Jagger (at Studio 54, left) and Liza Minnelli (on the occasion of 
sister Lorna Luft's birthday party at another disco, New York, New York, right). 


WHATEVER HAPPENED TO.... ха WINNERS AND LOSERS 


We're seeing a lot more of actress Edy Williams 
offscreen than on these days; in what has be- 
come an annual ritual at the Cannes Film Festi- 
val, she stripped for lucky cameramen (below). 


Anita Bryant's supporters repealed a 
batch of gay-rights ordinances, buta stu- 
dent poll paired her with Hitler as the per- 
sons having most damaged the world. 


Kris Kristofferson, every woman's favor 
ite Rhodes scholar, was named Most 
Watchable Male and cited for “sensitiv: 
ity" by a group called Man Watchers, Inc. 


$ 


HEALTH CLUB 


103 ANGELES 
е 


As for Marilyn (Behind the Green Door) Chambers 
(above left), she went straight, both onstage in a 
Vegas production of Last of the Red Hot Lovers 
and onscreen in the R-rated motion picture Rabid 
San Diego Chargette Elizabeth 
Caleca (above) already held two 
nudist titles, but when she posed for 
PLAYBOY'S December issue, the 
Chargers sacked their rally squad. 


Carol Connors, Deep Throat's nurse, returned to 
hard-core with The Erotic Adventures of Candy— 
and worked out (above) religiously enough to set a 
California state women's weight-lifting record. 


The President's sister, evangelist Ruth Carter 
Stapleton (below), helped Larry (Hustler) Flynt 
(right) be born again; he needed all the help he 
could get after being busted for pornography, 
paralyzed by a would-be assassin's bullet and 
even having his billboards defaced (bottom) 


FOR GOD AND COUNTRY 


Uncle Sam got into the go-go biz (left, top and bottom) when an 
owner of the Lone Star Beef House, Washington, went to prison: He'd 
bought the topless bar with embezzled Federal funds. Presidential 
aide Hamilton Jordan (below left) had nothing but troubles іп '78: He 
was accused of spitting a gooey drink at a woman in a singles bar 
and of making racy remarks to a diplomat's wife, and his own 
wife filed for divorce. And the revelation that Jennifer Lee Wesner had 
been a topless model (below right) may possibly have helped her 
place last in Pennsylvania's Democratic gubernatorial primary. 


A House subcommittee re- 
leased files tracing the Unifica- 
tion Church, headed by the 
Reverend Sun Myung Moon 
(above) to a Korean sex cult 
that baptized via intercourse 
curvy Kellie Everts (right) 
became a Stripper for Christ 


PEELING’S APPEALING 


Nude sun UNS 69 up in swarms 
along California's Russian River this past 
summer, causing irate neighbors such as 
Alice Hinton (right) to complain, "It's like 
Sodom and Gomorrah in Sonoma County. 

She tried, unsuccessfully, to drive nudists 
off with a megaphone; later the county 
board voted fines for adults who buff it 


Skirmishing with local politicians have been the partisans of 
Black's Beach, San Diego (left), no longer officially nude, 
and members of a rock group, The Stranglers, who finally 
got permission from the Greater London Gouncil to perform 
in Battersea Park—where they let it all hang out (above) 


Without incident, campus cops 
made students observing a 
Nude Sunbathing Day at the 
University of California at 
Riverside (above) get dressed 


As usual, guests arrive at San 
Francisco's gala annual Hook- 
er's Ball (below) unencum- 
bered by bulky costumes 


s 
Men go topless in public, why not 
women? That rationale got some 
Berkeley girls’ bare-bosomed float 
yanked from a civic parade. Above, 
they protest poisoned pot, too. 


Impromptu strips took place atthe Third Seal Beach 
Bikini Contest (below) and a wet-T-shirt competi- 
tion at Ft. Lauderdale's Candy Store disco (right) 


Celebrating a $5,000,000 inheritance, a blonde streaked National Airlines Flight 51 
nonstop Miami-L.A., inspiring cartoonist Jack Jordan to pen the illustration above for 
the Chicago Sun-Times; Edy Williams (yes, again) enlivened the Ali-Spinks bout 


Undeterred by amateur streakers, established nudist complexes keep doing their 
thing. At left, an entrant in the Lady Godiva contest at Naked City, Indiana; above, a 
specialty act at Ponderosa Sun Club's Nudes-A-Poppin' festival; at right, Ponderosa 
winners identifying themselves as Pixie Lou McGillicuddy and Jack Spencer. 


SIZZLING SHOWBIZ - 


Video vagaries: Bette Midler depantses Dus- 
tin Hoffman on her Emmy-winning special О 
Red Hair Is Back (left); Johnny Carson deliv- 
ers his nightly monolog from bed (below. 


Touted sex films include Take Off (above), a 
Picture of Dorian Gray rip-off wherein the 
hero ages only in hard-core home movies, 
and Sex World, the poster for which (below) 
was deemed too гасу for L.A-area buses. 


In a case with far-reaching ramifications, 
a San Francisco judge dismissed a suit 
for $11,000,000 claiming that the rape of 
Linda Blair in NBC-TV's 1974 movie Born 
ad a real rape. 


Innocent (left) had inspi 


Gail Palmer (below), one of PLAYBOY's 1977 
Girls of the Big Ten, now directs porn films 
starring, among others, Carol Connors (bot 
tom). For more on Connors, see page 149 


Fionnula Flanagan (above) plays Molly Bloom 
in the nude onstage in James Joyce's Women. 


Live and lively: Rip Off, a nude spec 
tacle in the form of a musical revue 
that has packed 'em in in London and 
Paris (above); Sweet Eros (far left), a 
one-acter from Chicago's Late Night 
Erotica production; and France's 
Marilyn Monroe of the Third Sex 

the transsexual entertainer who calls 
him/herself Marie-France (left) 


LOVE'S MERRY-GO-ROUND 


Someone find out what 
kind of vitamins rock 
star Rod Stewart takes 
Scarcely had his former 
live-in lover, Britt Ek 
land, gone to court for a 
slice of his financial pie 
when he was linked with 
a slew of other lovely 
ladies. From the top, left 
to right, Rod with Britt 
November 1974 Play 
mate Bebe Buell, Oc- 
tober 1978 Playmate 
Marcy Hanson, actor 
George Hamilton's ex 
wife Alana (just to make 
things nice and neat, 
George has been dating 
Britt, who used to be his 
girlfriend before Alana 
came along. Are you still 
with us?), Gong Show 
hostess Siv Aberg 


~ 

PF 
Another hot rocker, Mick 
Jagger, has also been busy 
with (take it from the top) wife 
Bianca, from whom he's 
splitting; Linda Ronstadt, on 
tour; Jerry Hall, his new 
est Big Deal; and Marsha 
Hunt, who claims she has a 
seven-year-old girl by Mick 


Michelle Phillips really gets around (top to bot- 
tom): First she married John Phillips, her Mamas 
lind Papas cofounder: then wed, briefly, actor 
ennis Hopper. Next she was main lady to 
stars Jack Nicholson, Warren Beatty 
A before settling down in 78 to marry 
radio executive Robert Burch 


ARTISTS’ LICENSE 


A 


Above, three of Andy Warhol's Torsos 
causing traffic jams on Sunset 
Boulevard in Beverly Hills: statuary (be- 
low) with added realism, via paint ac 
cents, at a mansion redecorated by 
Saudi Sheik Mohammed S.A. al-Fassi 


JOIN THE CLUB 


Yank its chain and the gold-dipped cock pen- 
dant at left (made in Italy for Stéfano) erects 
below, Salvador Dali works reproduced in Brad- 
ley Smith's lavish Erotic Art of the Masters 


On the frontier of the sexual revolution 
New York's Midnight Interlude, with its 
health-club theme (below), and, for S/M 
enthusiasts, the live whips-and-chains 
show at The Empire Room (right) 


Above, sculpture by Sally Roberts, one of the entries 
in The Dirty Dozen exhibit of erotic art by 12 women 
staged at the David Stuart Galleries in Los Angeles. 


Once, or several times, upon a mattress in San Francisco 
group gropes at the Sutro Bath House, labeled by one 
openmouthed visiting journalist “a smorgasbord of cock 


Most popular of Manhattan's live-sex 
palaces is Plato's Retreat, scene of all the 

varied action taking place below. Despite 

frequent crackdowns for alleged 

violations of various municipal codes, 

Plato's continues to flourish as the place 

to get it on 

without guilt 

(PLAYBOY un- 

covered Plato's Left, some of the action at Night Moves, another sex club 
in its May 1978 in New York City, where the evening s activities begin with 
feature The a sexual Gong Show (see PLAYBOY's May 1978 issue) 
Public-Sex 

Breakthrough.) 


Edible erotic art comes from various parts of the 
country, notably New York's Erotic Baker (above) and 
Chicago's Prudent Products’ "Masturbaker" (inset). 


4534 


Commercial art triumphs of the year, sexual 
liberation division, were scored by the creators 
of Gay Bob, the doll that comes packaged in a 
closet (above), and of Hot Dice, the craps para- 
phernalia with such labels as WET CUNT (right) 


uns tM S 


MEDIA MADNESS 


In September, TV reporter Anna Bond became 
the first woman allowed in the New York Yankees 
dressing room; center fielder Gary Thomasson 
takes cover behind some convenient cardboard 


Publishing milestones: Dallas Nude bared the 
\ Texas metropolis; Male Chauvinist made its de- 

\ K —À but; and Al Goldstein, freed of obscenity charges 155 
| at last, observed Screw's tenth anniversary and 


| brought out Death and, in L.A., Screw West. 


PLAYBOY 


156 


Rothschild (continue рот page 11) 


“The Rothschilds financed France’s war indemnity 


to Рт 


ia without severe hardship in 1875.” 


Yiddish accent, was the most respected 
banker in London, 

Sons James and Salomon had moved 
to Paris and Vienna, respectively, and 
the brothers kept in touch. They estab- 
lished a system of couriers and carriage 
routes and so had the best intelligence 
network in Europe, Nathan heard about 
the French defeat at Waterloo before 
the British government did, calmly sold 
British currency to make it seem the 
English had lost, then, when the panic he 
had engineered was at its strongest, 
bought а bundle and made a fortune 

By 1817, the British, Austrian and 
French governments had found occasion 
to borrow from the Rothschild brothers. 
But with Napoleon swept away, pros 
perity had returned to Europe and it 
was time the Jewish upstarts were put 
back in their place, They were cut out of 
the financial rebuilding of the Continent 
An enormous French bond issue wa 
handled by established bankers and the 
Rothschilds were snubbed, socially and 
financially. The bonds were snapped up 
and rose rapidly in value. Then, sud 
denly, they plunged, The Rothschilds 
had done it again: ‘They'd cornered the 
bond market, then dumped it. In the 
words of Frederic Morton, biographer of 
the family: "The great world knew what 
it meant to cut a Rothschild.” From 
then on, they got Europe's business, 

In 1822, the Rothschilds lent Prince 
Metternich 900,000 gulden, By coinci 
dence, six days later the brothers were 
made hereditary barons by the Austrian 
government and were given the coat of 
arms they had sought: 
and e: 


lions, unicorns 


les, with five arrows clutched in a 
hand, representing the five brothers then 
living in five European capitals. They 
became the world's first. multinational 
company 

Once, Nathan presented a note from 
one of his brothers to the Bank of 
England. The bank apologized, saying it 
cashed only its own notes. The next day, 
Nathan and nine of his clerks appeared 
at the bank carrying sacks and 10,000 
ten-pound Bank of England notes, de- 
manding that they be redeemed imme- 
diately for gold. They carted olf 
£100,00 worth of ld. The next day, 
Nathan appeared again with his clerks 
and made the same demand. The pan- 
icky bank officials asked him how long 
he intended to keep that up. "Roth. 
schild will continue to doubt the Bank 
of England's notes," Nathan thundered, 
"as long as the Bank of England doubts 


Rothschild notes." That day, the Bank 
of England declared that thenceforth it 
would cash any Rothschild check, any 
time, anywhere, With Nathan spearhead 
ing the family's financial dealings, the 
Rothschilds were thought to be worth 
£200,000,000 by the time Nathan died 
in 1836. There were no taxes the 

In Paris, James, the youngest son, cut 
the widest swath, A regular at salons of 
the day, a friend of writers and artists, 


he had a fortune estimated at more than 
all the other bankers in France com 
bined. He had Louis Philippe wrapped 
around his finger and was creditor to 
most of the kings of western Europe 

Salomon had moved to Vienna, where 
he formed a friendship and an alliance 
with Metternich, and ended up owning 
most of the coal and ironworks of 
Silesia—a situation that displeased Hit- 
ler 100 years later, By buying, cajoling 
and bribing everyone in sight, Salomon 
systematically stripped away the anti 
Semitism built into Austrian and Ger 
man law 

In Naples, brother Carl also beca 
banker, bought the king of Naples and 
financed most of the other Itali. 
In 1832, the Pope received him at the Vat 
ican and allowed Carl to kiss his hand 
rather than his toes, a scandal of the time 

And in Frankfurt, oldest and slowest 
witted brother Amschel remained the 


ne a 


^ states, 


clan’s figurehead, rooted on Jew Street in 
over the many intra. 
Rothschild weddings and stroking a 
young comer named Otto Bismarck, He 
also took care of the family matriarch, 
who, two years before her death at 96, 
complained, “Why should God take me 
at a hundred when He can have me at 
ninety-four?" God compro! 

In the 1840s, railways were beginning 
t0 spring up across Europe. Before his 
death, Nathan һай made one of his few 
miscalculations, not believing locomo: 
tives would add up to much. It wa 
conclusion with which his old pal the 
Duke of Wellington agreed: "Railways 
will only encourage the lower classes to 
move about needlessly,” the duke re 
marked. But brothers James and Salo: 
mon, in Paris and Vienn 
By the middle of the decade, they were, 
according to biographer Virginia Cowles, 
the railway tycoons of Europe. 

In 1840, it looked as if war would 
break out. War wouldn't do the banks 
any good, so the brothers decided to stop 
it. As Cowles says, "АП branches of the 
Rothschild family in all five counties 


the ghetto, presidin| 


ised 


were ready. 


went into action. They soothed minis 
ters, cajoled editors, talked pacifism at 
every social gathering.” F 


е was аз 


ї together їп 


sured and the fellows g 
Paris for party 
Meanwhile, in London, a third gen 
cration had taken over, Lionel started 
running the bank bequeathed to him by 
his father, Nathan, and began, at long 
last, to spend. Palaces, country houses, 
furniture and artwork from all over 
Europe. A Japanese garden in the back 
yard of his city home. The mikado's 
ambassador paid a visit, strolled through 
the palms, stone bri 


5 and temples, 
shook his head and said, “Marvelous. We 
have nothing like it in Jay 

Uncle James built himself the most 
magnificent palace in France, with the 


n." 


possible exception of Versailles, and 
named it Ferrières. 
there on one notable occasion (servants 
lined the route from Paris with lit 
torches; over 1000 head of g 
shot in one afternoon's outing) and both 
Bismarck and Wilhelm I chose it as their 
headquarters when Prussia occupied 
France. The Prussian king was im 
pressed: "A king could not afford this. 
It must belong a Rothschild.” When 
James died in 1868, most of the crowned 
heads of Europe were in attendance 
the President of the U.S. sent his 
condolences, 

Alphonse took over from his father, 
James, at Ferritres and continued to 
build up the fortune. He was well con 
nected. His protégée became Napoleon 
ИГ» wife, the Empress Eugénic 
shared a mistress with the empe 


poleon HI stayed 


me were 


courtesan La Castiglione. He talked reg 
ularly with Bismarck and enterts 
the Prince of Wales. Meanwhile 
cousin Anselm was running thi 


Vienna and was still battering away at 
Jewish restrictions in the Austrian Em 
pire. Once, when Anselm was refused 
membership at the Casino Club near 
Vienna, the young man purchased a 


sewage-disposal unit 


nd placed it within 
smell of the club. A membership card 
was dispatched to him forthwith, but he 
doused it with perfume and sent it back 
The Rothschilds financed France's war 
indemnity to Prussia without severe 
hardship in 1875. The family had al 
ready branched out into many other 
areas. Lionel's brother Nathaniel had left 
London for Paris and decided, in 1853, 
to buy a plot of land in Bordeaux that 
produced. excellent wines, It was called 
Mouton. His uncle James followed suit 
in 1867 and bo a vineyard named 
Габе. He bought it, he 
it reminded him of the street in Paris 
where his bank was located, Rue Lafitte 
The brothers owned scores of mines 
throughout Europe, in addition to their 
railway holdings. They financed Cecil 
(continued on page 198) 


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modern living By BROCK YATES Herewith we 
ponder the diesel engine, and why a lot of people who 
should know are telling us it is our automotive salvation 
of the future. You, of course, remember the diesel. It is 
the source of all the noise and black smoke that spews 
from the innards of 18-wheel tractor trailers. It is what 


rumbles in the night when a freight train rolls through 
town. It is the power plant that the Germans, in a fit of 
chauvinistic zeal, used to power everything from battle 
cruisers to transport planes to light reconnaissance vehi- 
cles to zeppelins before World War Two, Even today, 
they remain as their countryman Rudolf Diesel’s (1858— 


1913) most ardent supporters, with two large auto mak- 
ers, Mercedes-Benz and Volkswagen, as well as dozens of 
other industrial concerns, firmly committed to the engine 
that the late, lamented inventor and former refrigera- 
tion engineer developed as the Rational Heat Motor in 
1897. But their enthusiasm, long latent in the realm of 


passenger automobiles, is spreading away from Germanic 
pockets of industry such as Wolfsburg and Stuttgart and 
settling in such unlikely locales as Detroit. This begs the 
questions, Why diesels? And why diesels now? 

Students of current events and recent history will, of 
course, recall a troublesome economic curiosity known as 


RUDOLF 


those 

big engines 
that went 
pocketa- 
spocketa and 
got together 


JM at the WHA 
fe YOU RE 
stop have 
ere MISSI 
smart set NG 3 


heavy-duty rig, 
Cadillac Seville, 
Mercedes-Benz 300D, 
Oldsmobile Delta 88, 
ү Peugeot 504, 
Volkswagen Rabbit. 


PLAYBOY 


the energy crisis. This ingenious ploy. in 
which a claque of supposedly simple 
Middle Eastern tentfolk brought almost 
all of Western civilization to its knees 
by shutting off the oil-well spiggots, trans 
mitted a number of unpleasant political 
and economic messages to a complacent 
American citizenry. Most have been ге. 
peated to the point of tedium, but the 
salient aspect of the oil embargo-eum- 
energy crisis to this discourse is that it 
heightened everybody's awareness of our 
critical need to reduce consumption of 
that popular petroleum distillate known 
as gasoline. The energy crisis sent all 
available technical hands in the auto- 
mobile industry thundering off in se 
of alternate p 
from propane to hydrogen to peanut oil 
to methane generated by goat dung was 
crammed into gas tanks in hopes of kick 
ing the gasoline habit. Electric cars were 
touted, Steam was trumpeted as the new 
salvation. Inventors rhapsodized. Patent 


ch 


wer sources. Everything 


attorneys profited, Hard-nosed. business. 
men scowled. Nothing worked. Early 

»timism that the beloved, gasoline-pow 
ered internal-combustion engine would 
be swept out of the market place like so 
much household dust faded in the face of 
hard reality 

In the midst of this technological 
zephyr, the aged, much-maligned diesel 
continued to chug along in the gloom of 
semioblivion. To be sure, Daimler-Benz 
AG had successfully marketed a diesel 
passenger car in 1936, and sales of con 
tinuing models by its successor, Mercedes: 
Benz were thriving, but even the updated 
M-B versions were sluggish, dull and pro 


letarian—somehow better suited to the 


needs of senior Albanian bureauc 


ats 


ed- and convenience 
crazed American motoring public. But 
slowly, аз the euphoria surrounding the 
tdung miracles and the steam choo 
choo extravaganzas dribbled away, the 
mundane old diesel came into focus. 

Yes, upon hard examination, there are 
some endearing qualities about diesel 
automobile engines. To begin with, they 
are as simple and reliable as anvils. No 
cockamamie ignition gadgetry, no points 
10 stick, no coils and condensers to fail, 
по sparkplugs to foul. Thanks to the 
wondrous mind of Rudolf Diesel, all of 
this effluvia bas been eliminated and 
instead of the fuel's being ignited by an 
electric spark 
the combustion comes after a charge of 
has been heated (simply by having its 
olecules crammed together under great 
pressure) to а point where it 
blast of liquid fuel, 

Wonderfully elemental, A splendid 
system in theory, Moreover, the diesel is, 
in the arcane contest of pure physics and 
thermodynamics, quite fuel efficient. This 

с 


than to the spe 


is in conventional engines, 


ignites a 


ans that an engineer can mathemati 


160 cally prove that it will produce more 


work per gallon of fuel than 
powered counterpart. This маре is 
generally pinpointed in the 20-25 per- 
cent range for engines of equivalent 
output. Add to this that a gallon of diesel 
fuel requires much less raw energy to re- 
fine than a gallon of gasoline, and the 
dvantages of this power plant 
in resources-conscious time become 
clearer. 

The attraction of the diesel to the aver- 
age American motorist is simple: It pro- 
duces more miles per gallon than its 
gasoline counterpart at a cheaper р 
gallon cost. For example, the four-speed 
manual Volkswagen Rabbit Diesel, rated 
by the Environmental Protection Agency 
t 40 mpg in city driving, will consume 
an average of 5295 per year in fuel (again 
according to the EPA), while its gas. 
powered sister (25 mpg) will use an ауе 
ge of $420 in unleaded regular. There 
are mitigating factors in what appears to 
be an overwhelming advant 
diesel (lower performance, а $300 higher 
sticker price, etc), but the direct, instant 
gratification of lower expenditures at the 
gas station appears to blot out these sub- 
Пе shortcomings. The rush to diesels is 
on, in all sizes and shapes of automobiles, 
even in the traditional gasguzzling ranks 
of big American cars, In 1977, Oldsm 
bile introduced Delta 88 four-door 
powered by a diesel version of its рој 
ular 350-cubicinch V8. The big car was 
instant hit, averaging 21 mpg in city 
driving, while providing solid perform- 
and it appears to be the forerunner 
of a whole phalanx of diesels from De- 
troit, General Motors, in particular, is 
enthusiastic about the diesel because it 
views the engine as a potential salvation 
for the so-called family-sized car (Oldsme 
bile has it available on 19 of its 26 models 
4 Cadillac has it as an option for its 
Seville and Eldorado). 

By 1985, all manufacturers selling cars 
in Ameri line-up of aut 
mobiles that average 27.5 mpg. That can 
be accomplished by simply climinating 
large cars—the much-denounced gas guz 
zlers—or by saving them with a massive 
increase in their efficiency. It appears 
that the simplest way to achieve this is to 
convert them to diesel power, which 
means а major alteration in the make-up 
of the domestic automotive scene. Wheth 
er or not that happens depends on 
number of unresolved var 
Government. pol 
asm for diesels, the si 
the development of other power source 
etc., but the fact remains that diesels are 
on the rise, both here and abroad. That 


e for the 


a must 


ables involving 


ics, consumer enthusi 


€ of the economy, 


certainly must provide great satisfaction 
for Mercedes-Benz, considerir 


esel m: 


g its tenure 


as а dii ufacturer and its contin- 


ued pioneering efforts in diesel technol- 
y. It presently imports four diesel cars 
into the United States, all of which are 


distinctive engineering expressions, if not 
classic examples of inexpensive motoring 
The 62-р. four-cylinder 210D sedan is 


the lowest-priced Mercedes presently 


available in America—if a 514,215 tag 
сап їп any way be construed as low 
priced. In addition to the slow, workaday 


?40D, the company exports the 300D 
sedan, which features the world's only 
frve-cylinder diesel engine ly 
adequate performance, for а base price 
of 519,904. Recently added to this line 
up are the sporty 300CD Coupe ($ 
and a smashing new diesel turbo model 
the 3008D. Called the Turbo Diesel. the 
car is based on the large Mercedes 5 class 
sedans from which the 450SEL and the 
280SE also come, It carries the 300D's 
five-eylinder diesel with an exotic turbo- 
charger added that increases everythin 
horsepower, fuel mileage, acceler " 
reliability, etc—while reducing emis 
ns. There is no question that the turbo- 
er is the perfect adjunct to a diesel 
ne, simply because it adds to per 

ny penalties, but it is 
tricky t0 design and expensive to manu 
facture (the car goes for 525,000). Never- 
theless, Mercedes-Benz's pioneerin 
the first passenger-car turbo-diesel engine 
x in 


nd r 


formance without 


with 


is bound to collect a mass of imita 
the near future, 

Mercedes-Benz has long been the lead 
er in diesel production, but its German 
asociate Volkswagen is hard on its heels 
in all departments, and Detroit expects 
to overtake the Germans this year. After 
quietly introducing its diesel-powered 
Rabbit in March 1977, Volkswagen 
witnessed a sales boom that. company 
officials regard simply as phenomenal 
Withi rly 
20,000 diesel Rabbits were sold in the 
U.S.A. and that number was severely 
limited by production shortages. This 
year, the company projects that 25-30 
percent of Rabbits sold will be d 
The a the diesel Rabbit арре 
to lie in its outstanding mileag 
Of course, the diesel is slower—nearly five 
seconds deficient in 0-60 acceleration and 
with a six-mph-slower top speed—when 
compared with its gasoline-powered coun 
terpart, but the lure of cheap operation 
and durability seems to outweigh those 
shortcomings in the minds of many buy 
er. Like the Oldsmobile's, the Rabbit 
diesel is a direct adaptation of the four 
cylinder overhead-camshaft power plant 
that has been so instrumental in making 
the boxy little German front-drive sedan 
such a lively yet ec 1 performer 
Knowing а good thing when it sees one 


а year of introduct 


Volkswagen is now offering the diesel as 
а Dasher optic 

While the Peugeot 501D, with its 71-hp 
four-cylinder engine, cannot be ranked as 
one of the performance superstars of the 
American highway, this 59432. four-door 
161) 


(continued on ра 


Si 


“А magnum of Dom Pérignon, a little páté—and thou? 
8 8 


1 like your philosophy!” 


161 


Crush-proof tins added a touch of class to back-seat romances. For one thing, they did not I 
REMEMBER YOUR RUBBERS "mcm 
playboy brings back some boon companions of another era 


CONDOMS are making а comeback. Nowadays, you can buy contraceptives that glow in the 
dark or that boast radial-ply treads for increased traction in those slippery curves. But for 

all the progress, something is missing. What you see here is a collection of condom tins 

from the Thirties and Forties sent to us by medical student Joel Silidker. Our forefathers 

took pride in their civic responsibility. No cheap one-shot containers for them. Condom 

tins were durable (they had to be, since you never knew when you 

were going to need опе). A condom tin wos a work of ort. The f Oemma 
choice of brand was a personal statement. Peacocks (right), іп an as- f 

tute promotional move, presented buyers with the measure of a man. 


IMPROVED 

GENUINE ү 
CY 

RESERVOIR ENDS 


Ain -TESTEO 
ано ROLLED 


(guum entse counen то оған e) 


zGHARIOTS 


AOA 


AVAVA 


еке 


змок ene 


|| NAPOLEONS 


| | 
IPA ETT ео 
ARANTI POUR CINQ AN 


QUALITÉ ^4 
GUARANTIE | 


If nothing else, condom tins were a conver- 
sation piece. You could show your date the 
Pyramids of Egypt (opposite page), then 
invite her to see one of the other wonders of 
the world. The good old days weren't bad 


Condom tins ranged from the informative to 
the affectionate. Texide (opposite page) 
used the lid for a lesson in the harvesting 
of rubber. The 3 Merry Widows tin (right) 
immortalized Agnes, Mabel and Beckie. 


MEDBY 
реа 
TE NEN YORCAY, 


PLAYBOY 


164 


DIESEL ОИУ 


“Diesels are at their best running for long periods of 
time at relatively constant rpms.” 


sedan enjoys a hard core of loyal 
owners, thanks to its practically bullet 
proof reliability and its solid fuel 
economy, which borders on 28 mpg (four 
speed manual) under city conditions 
Peugeot, like Mercedes-Benz, has been 
committed to the diesel principle for a 
number of years and now is beginning to 
reap the fruits of what for a long time 
seemed a lonely and rather unpromising 
technical preoccupation, It is no longer 


alone, by any means. In the past year, 


more and more manufacturers have en. 
tered the diesel wars and rumors abound 
that others are on the verge. The indus 
uy was shaken in mid-1978 when 
Cadillac—long known for its silky, large 
displacement gas engines—arrived in the 
market place with its diesel Seville sedan 
This model carried the Oldsmobile 350 
V8 diesel, as did a pair of other Gen 
eral Motors models, the Chevrolet C-10 
light pickups and their G.M.C 
counterparts 

Other American manufacturers are 
testing the waters with light utility vc 
hicles as well. International Harvester is 
offering а version of its popular four 


Сзегїез 


wheel-drive Scout with an 81-р in-line 
six-cylinder diesel manufactured by Nis 
san, the parent company of Datsun 
Dodge has a variety of its two- and fow 


wheel-drive 


pickups available with 
103-hp six-cylinder diesel made by Mit 
subishi, the Japanese conglomerate that 
produces Arrows, Sapporos, Colts, Chal 
lengers and the new Champs for Chrysler. 

Does driving a diesel require any spe 
cial skills? Does one have to be an over 
the-road truck driver, capable of jamming 
єз, in 


13-speed Road Ranger gearbe 
order to operate a diesel Rabbit or 
Oldsmobile? Hardly. In fact, after а few 
minor adjustments, the ave 
will have a difficult time telling whether 
he is behind the wheel of a diesel or of a 
gasoline-powered car, The big 
ence is evident during the first few mo- 
ments in the automobile. Because diesels 
have no sparkplugs, the starting cycle is 
idy different. "Glow plugs" must be 
activated in the cylinder combustion 


e motorist 


gest. differ 


chambers, or precombustion chambers, in 
order to preheat the initial charge of air 
and fuel entering the engine. Dependir 
on the ambient temperate 
dure can take up to a minute, which is 
timed by a light on the instrument panel. 
Before starting а diesel, the driver must 
wait until the dash warning light indi- 
cates that the glow plugs have reached 
operating temperature, In warm cli 


e, that proce 


mates, that is practically instantaneous. 
In temperatures below zero, the time 


can stretch to nearly a minute and gener 
ally must be augmented by a 110-volt 
plug-in” heater, which 
keeps the oil warm and thin enough to 
permit the eng 
of the high compression ratios, diesels 
ire particularly difficult to start in ex 
tremely cold temperatures. Many com 
mercial and military diesel vehicles are 
kept running constantly in arctic condi. 


engine-block 


ne to turn over. (Because 


tions because of this problem.) 

Novice diesel drivers will also notice 
а somewhat unpleasant noise emitting 
from their hoods during the first few 
moments of cold running. Because of the 
umusual combustion characteristics and 
different. bearing 
they produce an unholy death rattle up 
on being started. 


tolerances in diesels, 


ıd clatters 


пр 
uninitiated to believe that his new en 


Thumps 


roll out of the engines, pre the 


gine—which has been touted as practi 
cally unbreakable—is about to come 
part like a cheap wrist watch. However, 
as soon as the diesel reaches operating 
temperature, this 


awesome cacophony 


disappears. But even then, the diesel fails 
to 


twin the satiny behavior of the best 


soline power plants, though rapid leaps 


in diesel combustion-chamber desi 


fuel-injection advances, vibration damp: 


ing and sound insulation in late-model 


he difference 


cars are minimizing 


That leaves performance on the h 
way as the only significant differential 
that requires adjustment by the new dic 
sel driver. Unless he is behind the wheel 
of the new Mercedes-Benz Turbo Diesel, 
which has performance characteristics 
equal to its gasoline-powered stablemates 
blinding speed simply must be eliminated 
from his highway repertoire. Diesels are 
slower than comparable gasoline-powered 


cars in all departments—acceleration 


passir 


wer and top speed—and ad 
justments in driving style must be made. 
While the rest of the world is leaving 
him at stop lights or whistling away down 
the interstate, the diesel driver must con- 


tent himself with the knowledge that he, 
like the fabled tortoise, will be the 
winner in the end 

But will he? Is the diesel clearly cheap. 
er to operate? Acknowledging that it will 
provide lower operating costs on a per 
mile basis, we must still inject other fac 
tors into the equation before reaching a 
conclusion (or, more correctly, trying to 
reach a conclusion, because the evidence 
As a limitation to the 
diesel’s over-all economy, we have the 


is inconclusive). 


sher initial cost, simply because the en 
gine must be more heavily constructed 
and demands a high-precision fuel-injec 


tion system in place of carburetors. For 
ın Olds or Seville diesel will 
7 more than the gas ver 


example 


cost about 
sion, while a diesel Rabbit is $300 more 
expensive than the conventional model 
Coupled to this is the frequently higher 
incidence of mandatory oil and oil-filter 
changes—which may run to a difference 
of 2000 miles or more—which also adds 


to the operating expense. These short 


comings (combined with the added noise 


and vibration, lower performance, cold 
weather starting problems) are partially 
offset by the fact that a diesel engine is 
10-15 percent cheaper to operate on a 
per-day basis, discounting purchase price 
and maintenance. Because of the general 
reliability of the engine, the more miles 
one drives, the more feasible a diesel be 
comes (which is why it has been the 


огей power plant for the lo 


trucker for so long), meaning tha 
might be substantial for a 50,000-mile-a 


year salesman but would be essentially 


savings 


meaningless for a suburban housewife 
puttering around town. 
called 


steady-state power plants. They are at 


Diesels are what might be 


their best r 


ning for long periods of 
time at relatively constant rpms, which 
is why they work so nicely їп power 
pl 
Because of their bulky reciprocating 


tives and ships. 


generating 


parts, they are not as adept at quick 


accelerations and decelerations as 
gines, which places them at a dis 
tage in automobiles, ‘Therefore 
work at maximum efficiency in situ 


where they can run at cons 


t spec 
on interstate highways) for h un end. 
while the stop-start environment of city 
streets emphasizes their deficiencies. Iron 
ically, the traveling salesmen of America 
are not embracing the diesel as tightly as 
are the suburbanites, who invest the en. 
gine with a certain cachet that it does 
Much. of their fascination 


not deserve 


centers on a conviction that the diesel is 


more ecologically responsible than a gas 


ne. That is only partly true. The 
Government regulates only three pol 
lutants emitted. by internal-combustion 


engines—hydrocarbons, carbon monox 


ide and oxides of nitrogen. Because of its 
peculiar combustion process and the 
great excess of air used in relation to raw 
fuel burned, the diesel produces very 
little in the way of hydrocarbons and 
carbon monoxide. However, it is a sinful 
of NOx, or oxides of nitrogen 
Moreover, it pollutes in terms of par 
ticulates (tech-speak for filthy black 
smoke), noise and putrid odors—all of 
he Clean Air Act 
which controls automotive emissions. Ad 


supplie 


which are ignored in 


mittedly, the latter three are merely irri 
tants, as opposed to threats to the public 
good, but the NOx situation may pose а 
serious threat to the future of the diesel 
It is a complicated situation dealing with 
Congressional politics and industrial ca 
pabilities, but it can be summarized by 


noti 


gov 
g NOx emissions is modified, manu- 
facturers will not be able to meet future 


that unless the present law g 


erni 


Government standards and diesels may 


cease to be manufactured in the U.S.A. 
However, compromises are in sight and 
many car makers are vocally optimistic 
bout the diesel’s prospects. 

y. The Ford Motor 


Company is notably cool toward diesels 


But not everyl 


and then-president Lee Iacocca publicly 
stated that he saw only limited applica- 
tion in America’s automotive milieu, Not 
so with General Motors, which is produc 
the aforementioned Oldsmobiles and 
Sevilles smaller, 260- 
cubicinch V8 diesel in 1979 that will 
eventually appear in the Seville, as well 
ıs in Chevy and G.M.C. pickups. Beyond 
that, G.M. is said to be working 


nd is unveili 


number of small diesels, includir 


liter four-cylinder for use in its new 


eration of front drives due in 1981 and a 


2.5-liter four (in turbocharged form) for 


Pontiac. Moreover, Chrysler is working 
on a small, 2.2Jiter four-cylinder diesel 
that may be introduced in 1981 or 1982 


Add to that the widespread diesel re- 


search and development going on in 
Europe and Japan and it becomes clear 
that poor old Rudolf Diesel may have 
acted prematurely when he disappeared 
from the steamship Dresden in 1913 


Tormented by fin 


cial problems and 


the gloomy notion that his engine was a 


failure, Diesel died 14 years before an- 
other German, Robert Bosch, perfected 
а fuelinjection. system that made the 
diesel à. practical power plant for auto- 
mobiles. Now, as we trundle toward the 


E 


to take the first step in movir 


Mies, the engine seems to enable us 


g away 
from an almost total automotive depend- 
ence on gasoline 

How lar will the drive to diesels go? It 


sed on the 


is impossible to predict, I 


variables of petroleum pricing and avail- 
ability, Government policies and public 
ne. All that 


can be said is that the potential is prom- 


acceptance of Ше new engi 
ising—potential as evidenced by an ex- 
perimental version. of the Volkswagen 
diesel Rabbit. Called the IRVW—the 
Integrated Research Volkswagen—the car 
is a test platform for both advanced en- 
gine and safety concepts. In addition to 
being able to protect its four occupants 
in 40-mph crashes, the IRVW's. turbo- 


charged engine has 22 more horsepower 


than the production diesel Rabbit, which 
gives it comparable performance to the 


soline-powered Rabbit. That means 


stro! w-speed acceleration, good pass- 
ing power, 100 mph top speed and 60 
miles per gallon (composite). In fact, at a 
steady 30 mph, the IRVW has recorded 
over 80 miles per gallon! 


0 ahead, ye of little faith, try that on 


1 tankful of unleaded 


You can tell a lot about an individual by what he pours into his glass. 


The” Mountain Climber glass created for the Bushmills Cotlection by Henry Hakm. 


лы: Wish Whisk vo Prou Ња Те Thin Garneau Cn, New Wak, NY 6 N 


Bushmills. 
The worlds oldest w 
Individuals have poured this. 
smooth mellow whiskey since 1608. 


MOULIN ROUGE IS XQ 


PROUD TO ANNOUNCE 
A LITHOGRAPH BY 


TOULOUS- LAUTREC, HAS 
BEEN SELECTED BY 


THE LOUVRE! 
[Тт A 


HM... YOUR MISS SAEEODOG+ | АМ GANG 

FATHER MUST TO HELP YoU RID UOURSELE 

HAVE LOCKED OF TAIS WRETCHED PHOBIA 

YOU 10 THE ICE” THROUGH THE WONDERS | 
OF ҢЧРООТНЄВАРЧ! @ 


WHEN | COURT TO THREE, 
YoU WILL FIND YOURSELE 
IN А TOTALLY HELPLESS 
STUPOR! ...ONE „тошо... 


NOW, THEN * 
IF Чоо САМ 
HEAR WHAT 
M SAYING, 
TAKE OFF 
ALL YOUR 
CLOTHES! 


ORGASMS, 
GET 
DRESSED... 


„AUD WHEN YOU AWAKE, 
ЧОО WILL BE VERY 
HORNY AND RE- $ 


WHU, | FEEL LIKE GOING 
WHATS RIGAT HOME AND SCREW- 
HAPPENED?! LET Down, ING THE DAYLIGHTS бот 
PERHAPS. OF NM BOYFRIEND / 
HOW CAN | EVER 
THAOK vr, 


(Е | EVER GET CAUGHT 
AT THIS, | COULD STAVO 


TRIAL ON CHARGES OF 
А 1 


167 


168 


[тои PARASITE! 
WHY DONT YOU GET 


REG ‘CAR RABBIT 
REG, HOW (оит You 
AN’ ME HAVIN’ A c 
ROLL INTHE HAY? C AH NEVAH THOUGH T 
You'p SAY THAT, 
("омок SUES. 


l а 2) g 
39 хао. 


VELCOME, 


CAPTAIN! 


DOD ROTTED, 
ROTTEN KIDS! 
CORRUPTERS 
ОЕ MAMAS. 
JOOVENUL 
HOODLUMS 
PURVEYORS 


WHUT'S YER PLEASURE , 2 


| POPPYSEED ox SESAME? 


AH WUZ IN MIND Y 


THROUGH SPACE AND TIME 


THIS MONTH: 
EA 


МОШ wHAT D0 / саш 
“STAR comma) | 
AND ASK EM, 
| GUESS, 


HOPE THEY pow) 
YELL AT US 


OMMANDER 
STANG. STATE 
YOUR BUSINESS 


“THE REASON WE ~ 
SENT YOU THERE | 
BECAUSE ШЕ Dow’ 
WANT YOU HE 


_ Why dont most 19" 
diagonal television sets cost 
as much as this one? 


It's because the attractive Quasar* set pictured 
above offers you some of the most innovative features 
you can find on any television set. And they're all in the 
regular price. Including remote control! 

This set gives you Quasar's highly advanced 100° 
deflection Dynabrite* picture tube with its extra focusing 
lens for an incredibly sharp, clear picture 

And you get our Dynacolor* tuning system that 
constantly keeps the color picture perfectly balanced— 
even if the signal from the station 
varies. (It's so sophisticated it even 
adjusts picture brightness to 
changing room light!) 

Unlike most tele- 
vision sets which have only 
one speaker, this set 
has three speakers. 
For sound so big 
it'll make every 
show richer, fuller 
and more exciting 


makes television special again. 


Quasar Electronics Company, Franklin Park. Illinois 60131 


(We even included a tone control and a balance control 
for greater listening enjoyment.) 

And only our set offers you Quasar’s own 
Compu-Matic™ Touch Tuning. With a sophisticated 
builtin microcomputer that lets you switch silently, 
directly, instantly from channel to char 

But perhaps the most important thing our set 
gives you —that no other can—is Quasar's famous 
reliability. lt may not seem important right now, but it 
could mean everything to you in a few years. So if this 
Qu 
costly now, consider 

how much more 
youll get from it in 


nel 


sar seems a bit 


the years to 
come. And see 
if you re not 
willing to pa 
a bitextraf 
all those extras 


SIMULATED PICTURE 


1 
р nel mana ı're dealing with—unl 


List. So when 


know anyone else 


those sterling qualities of you 


Superref ever so 


erfully v ers a name с 


two from your past 

Now, as Berliner points out, in this age of instant 
communication, it is fantastically easy to bounce from a 
first-level reference to a second- and even third-level refer 
alc 


fellow is bound to turn over a stone that’s got some truly 


ence. And somew path, that personnel 


around under it—maybe the ex 


boss whose daughter you loved and left (or didn't leave) 


juicy vermin writ 


Suddenly, it is revealed that the year of “independent 
study” on your résumé was mostly devoted to empirical 
research on the effects of psychoactive substances, or that 
the only responsibilities involved in your highly touted 


‘operations research associate” position centered on clean- 
ing the john 
How to protect yourself? Berliner recommends increas- 


ing your awareness of the implicit references in each item 


cen-smooth surface you 
cultivate may be sprinkled with land mines. Thus, saying 
you spent a summer as a lifeguard may sound great, but if 
three little darli t under while you were chatting 
up the beach bunnies, you might be better off chalking 


on your résumé. The putt 


wei 


up that summer to travel 

The best way to cover yourself against reference rico: 
chet is to be relatively stingy with your references. In 
fact, there's nothing wrong with simply writing "Refer- 
ences supplied on request" on your résumé. That way, if 
the company you're interested in asks for them, you'll be 
able to find out how many and what kind (personal, pro- 


ліс expects. The fewer you providi 


id call me Speedoo, but my real name f 
I rock classic. The b 
р iness, can be complicated 
r nicknames, Not every Thomas, Richard ani 
a T Dick and Harry. Some cor 


name basis with ever 


nail room. But others take 


with about as much delight as Muhammac 
) called Gassius Clay. And what abou 
rnet ou can stir up with a misstep in tl 


Mrs. / Ms. dance 


ness transaction more complicated than pu 


k of cigarettes, the exchanging of names 


t orders of business, How that transaction 


can color and set the tone for the ег trans 


actions that follow, Yet there is really no formalized sys 
tem that can guarantee unruffled feathers. Here, however 
аге a few general guidelines that can allay some of th 
awkwardness that often crops up in what should be the 


simple matter of wli 


t to call the people you deal with 

* Whenever there's any doubt about the level of for 
mality expected, its a good idea to start with a "Mr." The 
reason is simply that it's always more comfortable to move 
from the formal to the informal than vice versa 

* When introduced by a third party, follow the thi 
I'd like you to meet Bill Smith" is an i 
tion to use first names. "This is Mr. Smith" generally 
ns this is Mr. Smith. 

+ Don't jump to nicknames unless invited. "Hello, this 
is William Smith” shouldn't be taken as a green light to 
call him Bill. If you're uncomfortable with formal names, 
you can always ask, “William or Bill?” 

* Women, especially, may be sensitive to abrupt at 
tempts to put business relationships on a first- or nick 


party's lead 


m« 


name basis. What seems to you like a simple move to 
informal shirtsleeve working atmosphere 
could be misread as cryptosexism or a play to establish 
an extracurricular intimacy 

* Unless you're in the military or behind a counter, go 
easy on the “sirs” and "ma'ams," 

* Exceptions to the first guideline of "When in doubt 
go formal" are situations that involve eating or drinking. 
such as business lunches and cocktail commerce. 

* By the way, rock singers are always called by their 
first name: It's Meat, not Mr. Loaf. 


establish 


KoqKerq 


с 


f 


әчтәйтд 


TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR 


ON THE ROAD 
WITH 
_ AUTO CLUBS 


ver 260 auto and travel clubs now operate in the 
U.S., with 25,000,000 cars sporting their decals 
And they want you, Their argument s like 


It's a sno 


midnight on Sunday driving 


through Kernel, Kansas, and your Gazelle 


has just 
blown a rotostator. You trudge to the nearest plantation 
d rouse Farmer Jones, who grumps that your chances 


of getting towed are about as good as those of becoming 
Secretary of Agriculture, But you consult your XYZ A 
Club list of garages and dial the, nearest one. The truck 


ive in 


n minutes, you inform the awe-struck 


And you add that it will cost y 
exit, whistling In My Merry Oldsme 


u zilch. Then you 


COUNTING THE BLESSINGS 


Sound 


хі? Any auto club with air 


its tires can cite 


similar rescues—the classic was a guy who telephoned 
A.A.A. from a zoo, yelling that his car keys had just been 
swallowed by an ostrich. And it's a fact: One free tow or 


eme 
be 


псу call will offset your annual dues. You get other 
fi 


Auto clubs bi 


too, from emergency money to hotel discounts 


» forming in 1902, when roads were 
mud, maps rare, garages nonexistent and you got three 
days in the slammer for backfiring near a nervous Per 
cheron. So drivers organized; the earliest clubs were Bo: 
ton’s Automobile Legal Association (A.L.A. now serves 
all of New England) and the American Automobile 
Association, granddaddy of today's 20,000,000-member 
AAA 

Actually, the A-AA. is a confederation of 210 local and 
state clubs, each setting its own fees and benefits. So how 
А.А.А. stacks up against competing clubs depends on 
where you live 


In fact, since God neglected to create all auto clubs 
equal, it's unwise to join the first outfit that tootles by 
Consider dues, for example 

Some clubs charge a flat fee covering you and your 
spouse: about $22.50 at Allstate Motor Club, $27 at Mont 
gomery Ward Auto Club, $30 at U.S. Auto Club. A.A.A 


varies, but a typical fee is $25 per year, plus a one-time 


seven-dollar entrance fee, with a spouse's membership ten 
dollars extra. Some clubs offer a choice of fees, depending 
on benefits. 

Benefits also vary with club type—auto or travel. Trav 
el clubs, such as Chevron and Exxon, usually omit road 
services altogether: Their forte is accidental-death insur 
ance. Exxon pays $20,000. By contrast, the top benefit 
among the major auto clubs is the $5000 paid by Mont 
gomery Ward and U. S. Auto. Others pay from $1000 to 
$5000, sometimes only for accidental death or dismember 


ment relatec 


» travel. Some A.A.A. clubs, however, al 
italization 


ON THE ROAD 


If your car inconveniently dies, A.A.A. clubs let you 
summon one of their 2 


000 authorized service stations for 


free, If none of the anointed is available, you call any 
garage and the club partially reimburses you. A.L.A. 
National, Allstate and AMOCO operate similarly 


Other clubs have no affiliated garages—you call any 


mechanic, pay the bill and the club repays you later, Some 
limit their coverage—up to $25 per tow at Allstate 
AMOCO and ARCO, $30 at Montgomery Ward and 
U. S. Auto. 

What if a smack-up leaves your car KO'd? If the de. 
bacle is at least 50-100 miles from home, many clubs will 


r rental or com 


cover your resulting lodging, meals, 
mercialtransportation costs, Maximums vary from $50 
(ARCO) to $100 (U.S. Auto, Montgomery Ward) and 
$200 (Allstate), 

And what if (it could happen, Charley!) you get busted? 
The club should provide bail bonds (usually $5000) and 
arrest bonds (usually $200). Most clubs also will pay your 
1 fees, usually up to $500. On the other 


nd, if your 
ched, many clubs will offer a reward of $200 
(A-A-A., Montgomery Ward, U.S. Auto) or $500 (Exxon. 
Gulf, Sun). Allstate and ARCO offer $500 rewards in both 
theft and hit-and-run cases. 


саг is 


But it’s not all legalities and ailing engines. On the 
sunnier side, in this cheapo decade, when the gratis gas 
rr, virtually all clubs provide maps, 
guidebooks and routing services showing you the speed 
iest or prettiest routes, whichever you prefer. A.A.A. will 
even plot the most fuel-efficient route. Some clubs send 
out spies to rate restaurants and hotels for you. And it's 
always a plus if the club has a nearby office you can visit— 
service will be faster than via the mail 


station map is а gon 


THOSE LITTLE EXTRAS 


Cross-check clubs for fringe benefits. Hotel reservations, 
domestic and overseas? Discounts on merchandise, renta 
cars, tours and hotels? Check cashing? Credit-card regis 
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If you own a recreational vehicle, consider a specialty 
club (Good Sam, out of Calabasas, California, is the larg 
est). And check out regionals, such as A.L.A. (New Eng- 
land) or National (California)—some cover emergency 
expenses nationwide, while offering more personal service. 

If you can, before joining a club, talk with members 
about how they've been treated. Experi 
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178 


FOUNTAINS OIF IAIQA IOES AE 


(continued from page 124) 


“Slowly, in the depths of the mirror, a faint red glow 
began to burn, and spread, and consume the stars." 


very little resemblance to the clumsy 
armor of the early astronauts, and, even 
when pressurized, would scarcely restrict 
his movements 

Morgan climbed the short flight of 
steps, stood for a moment on the сар 
sule's tiny metal porch, then cautiously 
backed inside. As he settled down and 
fastened the safety belt, he was agreeably 
surprised at the amount of room. The 
two oxygen cylinders had been stowed 
under the seat and the CO, masks were 
in à small box behind the ladder that led 
up to the overhead air lock. It seemed 
istonishing that such a small amount of 
equipment could mean the difference be 
tween life and death for so many people 


personal item: 
a memento of that first day long ago at 
ila, where in a sense all this had 
started. The spinnerette took up little 
room and weighed only a kilo. Over the 
years, it had become something like a 
talisman; it was still one of the most 
effective ways of demonstrating the prop: 
erties of hyperfilament, and when he left 
it behind, he almost invariably found 
that he needed it. And on this, of all 
trips, it m 

He plugg 
bilical of his space suit and tested the air 
flow on both the internal and the exter- 
nal supply. Outside, the power cables 
were disconnected: Spider was on its 


t well prove useful 


d in the quick-release um. 


own 

The curving door of the capsule—the 
upper half of it transparent. plastic— 
ıhudded softly shut 
Mor 


and Spider's vital statistics appeared on 


nst its gaskets. 


ın pressed the check-out button 


the screen one by one. All were green; 
there was no need to note the actual fig 
ures, If any of the values had been out 
side nominal, they would have flashed 
red twice a second. 

The quiet, calm voice of the controller 
sounded in his ear. “All systems nominal. 
You have control." 

1 have control. ТИ wait until the next 
minute comes up." 

It was hard to think of a greater con- 
trast to an old-time rocket launch, with 
its elaborate countdown, its split-second 
timing, its sound and fury. Morgan mere 
ly waited until the last two digits on the 
dock became zeros, then switched on 
power at the lowest setting 

Smoothly—silently—the floodlit moun- 
taintop fell away beneath him. Not even 
a balloon ascent could have been quieter. 
If he listened carefully, he could just 
hear the whirrir 


of the twin motors as 


they drove the 1 friction drive wheels 


that gripped the tape, both above and 
below the capsule. 

Rate of ascent, five meters a second 
said the velocity indicator; in slow, reg 


ular steps, Morgan increased the power 
until it read 50—exactly 180 kilometers 
an hour. ‘That gave maximum efficiency 
at Spider's present loading; when the 
auxiliary battery was dropped off, speed 
could be increased to almost 250 klicks, 

Say something, Van!" said Warren 
Kingsley’s amused voice from the world 
below. 

Leave me alone," Mor 
equably. “I intend to relax 
the view for the next couple of hours 


replied 
and enjoy 


What's the latest from the tower?" 
Temperature's stabilized at twenty— 
Monsoon Control zaps them with a mod 
wattage every ten. minutes. But 
Profesor Sessui is furious—complains 


est meg 


that it upsets his instrument.” 


What about the air? 


Not so good. The pressure has defi 
nitely dropped and, of course, the СОУ 
up. But they should be OK if 
е on schedule. They're avoiding 
all unnecessary movement to conserve 


buildir 


you arr 


oxygen." 

М! except Professor Sessui, I'll bet 
thought Morgan. It would be interestir 
to meet the man whose life he was trying 
to save. He had read several of the scien 
tist’s widely praised popular books and 
considered them florid and overblown. 
Morgan suspected that the man matehed 
the style 

And the status at LOK?" 

Another two hours before the trans 
porter can leave; they're installing some 

ial circuits to make quite sure that 
nothing catches fire on this trip. And 
they're coming down the north track, just 


speci 


in case the south one was damaged by 
the explosion. If all goes well, they'll 


arrive in—oh, twenty-one hours. Plenty 


of time, even if we don't send Spider up 

again with a second load.” 
Despite his only half-jesti 

Kingsley, Morgan knew t 


y remark to 
it was far 


100 early to start relaxing. 

Soon he was 30 kilometers up in the 
sky, rising swiftly and silently through 
the tropical night. There was по moon, 
but the land beneath was revealed by the 
twinkling constellations of its towns and 
villages. When he looked at the stars 
above and the stars below, Morgan found 
it easy to imagine that he was far from 
any world, lost in the depths of space. 

Fifty kilometers; he had reached what 
would, in normal times, have been the 
lowest level of the ionosphere. He did 


not, of course, expect to see anything 
but he was wrong. 

The first intimation was a faint crack- 
ling from the capsule speaker: then, out 
of the corner of his eve, he saw a flicker 
of light. It was immediately below him, 


glimpsed in the downward-viewing mir 


ror just outside Spider's little bay window 

He twisted the mirror around as far as 
it would adjust, until it was aimed at a 
point a couple of meters below the cap- 
sule. For a moment, he stared with aston 


ishment and more than a twinge of fear 


then he called the mountain 

I've got company," he said. "I think 
this is in Professor Sessui’s department 
There's а ball of light— 


centimeters acros—running along the 


bout twenty 


tape just below me. It's keeping а con 


stant distance and I hope it stays there 
But I must say it's quite beautiful—a 
lovely bluish glow, flickering every few 
seconds. And I can hear it on the radio 
link." 

It was a full minute before Kingsley 


swered in a reassuring tone of voice 


Don't worry—it's only Saint Elmo's 
fire. We've had similar displays along the 


tape during thunderstorms. You won't 


vou're too well shielded 


Oh—it's fading out—geuing bigger 
and fainter—now it's gone—I suppose 
the air's too thin for it—I'm sorry to sec 
it go 

That's only а curtain raiser,” said 
Kingsley. "Look what's happening di 
rectly above you 

A rectangular section of the star field 
flashed by as Morgan tilted the 


ror 
toward the zenith. At first he could see 


notl unusual, so he switched off all 


the indicators on his control panel and 
waited in total darkness. 


Slowly, his eyes adapted, and in the 


depths of the mirror, a faint red glow 


began to bur 


ind spread, and consume 


the stars. It grew brighter and bi 


and flowed beyond the limits of the mir 


тог: Morgan could see it directly, for it 
extended halfway down the sky. А c 
of light, with flickering, movi 
descending upon the Earth, On one of its 
rare visits to the equator, the auroral veil 


had come marching down from the poles 


BEYOND THE AURORA 


Мо: 
sui, 500 kilometers above, had so spec 


an doubted if even Professor Ses 


tacular а view, The storm was developing 
rapidly: short-wave radio—still used. for 
many nonessential services—would by 
now have been disrupted all over the 
world. М 
or felt а faint rustling, like the whisper 
of fallin 
Unlike the static of the fireball, it cer 
tainly did not come from the speaker 


an was not sure if he heard 


or the crackle of dry twigs. 


system, because it was still there when he 
switched off the circuit 

Curtains of dark-red fire, edged with 
crimson, were being drawn across the 


sky, then shaken slowly back and forth, 


69 " 
xa eae A ESSE DIS 


“Well... he should have thought of that before it set.” 


179 


PLAYBOY 


as if by an invisible hand. They were 
trembling with the gusts of the solar 
wind, the  2,520,000-kilometer-an-hour 
ionic gale blowing from sun to Earth— 
and far beyond. Even above Mars, a fee- 
ble auroral ghost was flickering now; and 
sunward, the poisonous skies of Venus 
were ablaze. 

Above the pleated curtains, long rays 
like the ribs of a half-opened fan were 
sweeping around the horizon; sometimes 
they shone straight into Morgan's eyes 
like the beams of a giant searchlight, 
leaving him dazzled for minutes, There 
was no need, any longer, to turn off the 
capsule illumination to prevent it from 
blinding h he celestial fireworks out- 
side were brilliant enough to read by. 

One hundred seventy kilometers: Spi 
der was still climbing silently, effortlessly. 
It was hard to believe that he had left 
Earth exactly an hour ago. Hard, indeed, 
to believe that Earth still existed; for he 
was rising between the walls of a canyon 
of fire. 

And now, like an airplane breaking 
through a ceiling of low-lying clouds, 
Spider was climbing above the display 
ап was emerging from а fiery mist, 
twisting and turning beneath him. Many 
years ago, he had been aboard a tourist 
liner cruising through the tropical night, 
and he remembered how he had joined 
the other passengers on the stern, en- 
tranced by the beauty and wonder of the 
bioluminescent wake. 

He had almost forgotten his mission 
and it was a distinct shock when he was 
recalled to duty. 

"How's power holding up?" Kingsley 
asked. "You've only another twenty min- 
utes on that battery." 

Morgan glanced at his instrument pan- 
el. “It’s dropped to ninety-five percent 
but my rate of climb has increased. by 
sixteen. percent. I'm doing two hundred 
and ten klicks. 

"That's about right. Spidi 
the lower gravity—it's alr 
ten percent at your altitude,” 

That was not enough to be noticeable, 
particularly if one was strapped into a 
seat and wearing several kilos of space 
suit. Yet Morgan felt positively buoyant 
and he wondered if he were getting too 
much oxygen. 

No, the flow rate was normal. It must 
be the sheer exhilaration produced by 
that marvelous spectacle beneath him— 
though it was diminishing now, drawing 
back to north and south, retreating 
to its polar strongholds. 

The stars were coming back into their 
own, no longer challenged by the eerie 
intruder from the poles. Morgan began 
to search the zenith, not with any high 
expectations, wondering if the tower 
were yet in sight. But he could make out 
only the first few meters, still lit by the 
faint auroral glow, of the narrow ribbon 
up which Spider was swiftly and smooth- 


feeling 
y down by 


180 ly climbing. 


"Coming up to threes said 
Kingsley. "How is the power level?” 

"Beginning to drop—down to eighty- 
five percent—the battery's starting to 
fade." 

Well, if it holds out for another twen- 
ty kilometers, it will have done its job. 
How do you feel" 

“I'm fine,” Morgan answered. “If we 
could guarantee a display like this for all 
our passengers, we wouldn't be able to 
handle the crowds,” 

"Perhaps it could be arranged," 
laughed Kingsley. “We could ask Mor 
soon Control to dump a few barrels of 
electrons in the right places. Not their 
usual line of business, but they're good at 
improvising . . . aren't they?" 

Morgan chuckled but did not answer, 
His eyes were fixed on the instrument 
panel, where both power and rate of 
climb were now visibly dropping. But 
that was no cause for alarm; Spider had 
reached 385 kilometers out of the ex- 
pected 400 and the booster battery still 
had some life in it. 

At 390 kilometers, Morgan started to 
cut back the rate of climb, until Spider 
crept more and more slowly upward. 
Eventually, the capsule was barely mov- 
ing, and it finally came to rest just short 
of 405 kilometers. 

“I'm dropping the batt 
reported. “Mind your heads," 

A good deal of thought h; 
to recovering that heavy and expensive 
battery, but there had been no time to 
improvise a braking system that would 
let it slide safely back. Fortunately, thi 
impact area, just ten kilometers cast of 
the th terminus, lay in dense jungle. 

Morgan turned the safety key and then 
pressed the гей button that fired the ex- 
plosive charges; Spider shook briefly as 
they detonated. Then he switched to the 
ernal battery, slowly released the fric- 
tion brakes and again fed power into the 
drive motors. 

The capsule started to climb on the 
last lap of its journey. But one glance at 
the instrument panel told Morgan that 
something was seriously wrong. Spider 
should have been rising at over 200 
klicks; it was doing less than 100, even 
at full power. 

"We're in trouble," Morgan reported 
back to Earth. "The charges blew—but 
the battery never dropped. Something's 
still holding it on." 

It was unnecessary, of course, to add 
the mission must now be aborted. 
Everyone knew perfectly well that Spider 
could not possibly reach the base of the 
tower, carrying over 200 kilos of dead 
weight. 


Morgan 


1 been given 


Л BUMPY RIDE 


Warren. Kingsle: 
its control; now 
despairing. 

“We're trying to stop the mechani 
from shooting himself," he said. “But it's 


^s voice had regained 
was merely dull and 


hard to blame him. He was interrupted 
by another rush job on the capsule and 
simply forgot to remove the safety strap." 

So, as usual, it was human error. While 
the explosive links were being attached, 
the battery had been held in place by 
bands. And only one of them 
"moved. Recrimination w 
ntless. The only thing that mattered 
now what to do next. 

Morgan adjusted the external viewing 
mirror to its maximum downward tilt, 
but it was impossible to sce the cause of 
the trouble. Now that the auroral display 
had faded, the lower part of the capsule 
in total darkness and he had no 
s of illuminating it. But that prob- 
lem, at least, could be readily solved. If 
Monsoon Control could dump kilowatts 
of infrared into the basement of the 
tower, it could easily spare him a fe 
visible photons. 

"We can use our own searchlights. 
said Kingsley, when Morgan passed on 
hiis request. 

“No good—they'll shine straight into 
my eyes and I won't be able to sce a 
thing. I want a light behind and above 
me—there must be somebody in the right 
posit 

"T'I check," Kingsley answered, ob- 
viously glad to make some useful gesture 
It seemed a long time before he called 
again: looking at his timer, Morgan was 
surprised to see that only three m 
had elapsed. 

"Monsoon Control could mi 
but they'd have to retune and defocus—I 
think they're scared of frying you. But 
Kinte can light up immediately; they 
have a pseudo-white laser—and they're 
in the right position. Shall I tell them to 
go ahead?" 
ап checked his bearings—let’s see, 
te would be very high in the west: 
that would be fine. 
ly," he answered, and closed 
his eyes. Almost instantly, the capsule 
exploded with light. 

Very cautiously, Morgan opened his 
eyes again. The beam was coming from 
high in the west, still dazzlin ШИШ 
despite its journey of almost 40,000 kilo- 
meters. It appeared to be pure white, but 
he knew that it was actually a blend of 
three sharply tuned lines in the red, 
green and blue parts of the spectrum. 

After a few seconds’ adjustment of the 
mirror, he managed to get a clear view 
of the offending strap, half a meter | 
neath his feet. TI d that he could see 
secured to the base of Spider by а 
large butterfly nut; all that he had to do 
to unscrew [hat and the battery 
would drop off. 

Morgan sat silently analyzing the situa 
tion for so many minutes that Kingsley 
lled him again. For the first time, there 
a trace of hope in his deputy's voice. 
“We've been doing some calculations, 
1... . What do you think of this idea?” 
Morgan heard him out, then whistled 


age 


‘ou're certain of the safety mar- 
gin?” he asked. 

"Of course,” answered Kingsley, sound- 
ing somewhat aggrieved; Morgan hardly 
blamed him, but Ле was not the one who 
would be risking his neck. 

Well—T'll give it a try. But only for 
one second the first time.” 

"t be enou; ill, it's a 
good idea—you'll get the feel of it.” 

Gently, Morgan released the friction 
brakes that were holding Spider motion- 
less on the tape. Instantly, he seemed to 
rise out of the seat, eight vanished, 
He counted, "One, two!” and engaged 
the brakes again. 

Spider gave a nd for a fraction 
of а second, Morgan was pressed uncom- 
fortably down into the seat. There was 
an ominous squeal from the braking 
mechanism, then the capsule was at rest 
again, apart from a slight torsional vibra- 
tion that quickly died away. 

t was а bumpy ride," said Mor- 
gan. “But I'm still here—and so is that 
infernal battery." 

“So Т warned you. You'll have to try 
harder. Two seconds at least.” 

Morgan knew that he could not out- 
guess Kingsley, with all the figures and 
computing power at his command, but he 
still felt the need for some reassuring 
mental arithmetic. Two seconds of free 
fall—say half а second to put on the 
brakes—allowing опе ton for the mass of 
Spider. 

The question was: Which would go 

first—the strap retaining the battery or 
the tape that was holding him there 400 
kilometers up in the sky? In the usual 
vay, it would be no contest in a trial 
between hyperfilament and ordinary 
steel. But if he applied the brakes too 
suddenly—or they seized owing to this 
maltreatment—both might snap. And 
then he and the battery would reach the 
earth at very nearly the same time. 

“Two seconds it is," he told 
"Here we go." 

This time, the jerk was nerve-racking 
in its violence and the torsional oscilla- 
tions took much longer to die out. Mor- 
gan was certain that he would have 
felt—or heard—the breaking of the strap. 
He was not surprised when a glance in 
the mirror confirmed that the battery 
was still there, 

Kingsley did not seem too worried. 
“It may take three or four tries,” he said. 

After the third fall—Morgan felt he 
had dropped kilometers, but it was only 
about 50 meters—even Kingsley's opti- 
mism started to fade, It was obvious that 
the trick not going to work. 

“I'd like to send my compliments to 
the people who made that safety strap, 
said Morgan wryly. "Now what do you 
suggest? A threesecond drop before I 
slam on the brakes?" 

He could almost see Warren shake his 
head. 

“Тоо big a risk. I'm not so much wor- 


ley. 


ried about the tape as the br. 
nism. It w; 
of thing." 

“Well, it was a good try." Morgan an- 
swered. "But I'm not giving up yet. Fm 
damned if ГИ be beaten. by a simple 
butterfly nut, fifty centimeters in front of 
my nose. I'm going outside to get at it 

With the old-style space suits, reaching 
that butterfly nut would have been com- 
pletely out of the question, Even with 
the Flexisuit that Morgan was now w 
ing. it might still be dificult—but at least 
he would make the attempt. 

Very carefully, because more lives than 
his own now depended upon it, he re- 
hearsed the sequence of events. He must 
check the suit, depressurize the capsule 
nd open the hatch—which, luckily, was 
almost full length. Then he must release 
the safety belt, get down on his knees—if. 
he could!—and reach for that butterfly 
nut, Everything depended upon its tight- 
ness. There were no tools of any kind 
aboard Spider, but Morgan was prepared 
to match his fingers—even іп space 
gloves—against the average small wrench. 


ing mech- 
sn't designed for this sort 


ON THE PORCH 


For the past five minutes, the only 
sound that had come from the capsule 
was a series of "Checks" as Morgan went 
through the suit routine with an expert 
up in Midway. That was now complete; 
everyone was waiting tensely for the cru- 
cial next step, 

“Valving the said Morgan, his 
voice overlaid with a slight echo now that 


he had closed the visor of his helmet. 
"Capsule pressure zero. No problem with 
breathing." 

A 30-second paus 


then: “Opening the 


front door—there it goes. Now releasing 
the seat belt.” 
‘There was an unconscious stirring and 


murmuring among the watchers, In ima 
ination, every one of them was up there 
in the capsule, aware of the void that had 
suddenly opened before him. 
"Quickrelease buckle operated. I'm 
stretching my legs, Not much head- 
room 


ing the feel of the suit— 
now I'm going out onto 
the porch—don't worry!—I've got. the 
seat belt wrapped around my left arm. . . . 

“Phew! Hard work, bending as much 
as this. But I can see that butterfly nut, 
underneath the porch grille. I'm working 
out how to reach it... 

"On my knees now—not very com- 
fortable—— 

I've got it! Now to see if it will 
turn, . 

The listeners became rigid, silent 
then, in son, relaxed with virtually 
simultaneous sighs of relief. 

“No problem! I can turn it easily. Two 
revs already—any moment now—just a 
bit more—I can feel it coming off—look 
out down below!" 

There was a burst of clapping and 
cheering: some people put their hands 
over their heads and cowered mock 
terror. One or two, not fully understand- 
ing that the falling nut would not arrive 


PLAYBOY 


182 


for nearly five minutes and would de- 
scend ten kilometers to the east, looked 
genuinely alarmed 

Only Warren Kingsley failed to share 
the rejoicing 

The seconds dragged by . . . one min- 
ute . . . two minutes. 
id Morgan at last, his 
and frustration. “I 
ве the strap. The battery weight 


It's no use," 


voice thick with 


can't bui 


is holding it jammed in the threads. 
Those jolts we gave must have welded it 
to the bolt." 

"Come back as quickly as you can," 
said Kingsley. "There's a new power cell 
on the way and we can manage a turn- 
around in less than an hour. So we can 
still get up to the tower in—oh, say, six 
hours. Barring any further accidents, of 
course," 

Precisely, thought Morgan; and 
would not care to take Spider up a 
without а thorough check of the much 
abused braking mechanism. Nor would 
he trust himself to make a second trip; he 
was already feeling the strain of the past 
few hours and fatigue would soon be 
slowing down his mind 


and body, just 


when he needed max 
from both 


im efficiency 


He was back in the seat now, but the 
capsule was still open to space and he 
had not yet refastened the safety belt. To 
do so would be to admit defeat; and that 
had never been easy for M ап. 

The unwinking glare of the Kinte 
laser, coming from almost immediately 
above, still transfixed him with its pitiless 
light. He tried to focus his mind upon 
the problem, as sharply as that beam 
was focused upon him. 

All that he needed was a metal cut- 
ter—a hacksaw or a pair of shears—that 
could sever the retaining strap. Once 
again, he cursed the fact that there was 
no tool kit aboard Spider; even so, it 
would hardly have contained what he 
needed 

There were hundreds of kilowatt-hours 
of energy stored in Spider's own battery; 
could he use that in any way? He had а 
brief fantasy of establishing an arc and 
burning through the strap; but even if 

l- 
able—and, of course, they weren't—the 
main pow 
the control cab. 

Warren and all the skilled brains gath- 
ered around him had failed to find any 
solution. He was on his own, physically 
and intellectually. It was, after all, the 
situation he had always preferred 

And then, just as he was about to reach 
out and close the capsule door, Morgan 
knew what he had to do. All the time, 
the answer had been right by his finger 
tips. 


suitable heavy conductors were ava 


supply was inaccessible from 


THE OTHER PASSENGER 


To Morgan, it seemed that a huge 
weight had lifted from his shoulders. He 
felt completely, irrationally confident. 


This time, surely, it had to work. 

Nevertheless, he did not move from his 
seat until he had planned his actions 
in minute detail. And when Kingsley, 
sounding a litte 
urged him to hurry back, he gave an eva 


nxious, once 


in 


sive answer. He did not wish to raise any 
false hopes—on Earth or in the tower 

I'm trying an experiment," he said 
"Leave me alone for a few minutes." 

He picked up the fiber dispenser that 
he had used for so many demonstra- 
tions—the little spinnerette that, years 
ago, had allowed him to descend the face 
of Yakkagala. One change had been 
made for r 
of filament had been сс 


isons of safety; the first meter 
d with a layer 


of plastic, so that it was no longer quite 


invisible and could be handled cautious 
ly, even with bare fingers 

^s Morgan looked at the little box in 
his hand, he realized how much he had 
come to regard it as a talisman—almost a 
good-luck charm. 

Once more, he clambered out of the 
seat and knelt down on the metal 
grille of Spider's tiny porch to examine 
the cause of all the trouble. The offend 
ing bolt was only ten centimeters on the 
other side of the grid, and although its 
bars were too close t 
put his hand throu 
ready proved that he could reach around 
it without too much difficulty 

He released the first meter of coated 


gether for him to 


h them, he had al 


fiber and, using the ring at the end as а 
the 


plumb bob, lowered it down throu 
grille. Tucking the dispenser itself firmly 
in a corner of the capsule, so that he 
could not accidentally knock it over 
board, he then reached around the grille 
until he could grab the swinging weight 
This was not as easy as he had expected. 
because even this remarkable space suit 
would not allow his arm to bend quite 
freely, and the ring eluded his g 
pendulumed back 

After half a dozen attempts—tiring 
rather than annoying, because he knew 


» as it 


nd forth. 


that he would succeed sooner or later— 
he had looped the fiber around the shank 
of the bolt, just behind the strap it was 
still holding in place 

He released just enough filament from 
the spinnerette for the naked fiber to 
reach the bolt and to pass around it; then 
he drew both ends tight—until he felt 
the loop catch in the thread 

Morgan had never attempted this trick 
with a rod of tough alloy more than a 
centi 
long it would take. Bracing himself 
against the porch, he began to operate 
his invisible saw. 


eter thick and had no idea how 


After five minutes, he was sweating 
heavily and could not tell if he had made 


any progress at all. He was afraid to 


slacken the tension, lest the fiber escape 
from the equally invisible slot it was—he 
hoped—slicing through the bolt. Several 
times Warren had called him, sounding 


more and more alarmed, and he had 


given a brief reassurance. Soon he would 
rest for a while, recover his breath—and 
explain what he was trying to do. This 
was the least that he owed to his anxious 
friends. 

The calm but authoritative woman's 


gan gave him 


voice that interrupted. Mc g 


k that he almost let 
precious fiber. The words we 


of the 
muffled 
tter. He 
h it had 


by his suit, but that did not m 


knew them all too well, thou; 
been months since he had last heard 
them 
"Dr. М 
down and relax for the next ten minutes. 


an," said CORA, “Please lic 


Would you settle for five?" he plead 
ed, "I'm rather busy at the moment." 

CORA did not deign to reply; al- 
though there were units that could con 
duct simple conversations, this model was 
not among them. 

Morgan kept his promise, breathing 
deeply and steadily for a full five min 
utes. Then he started sawi n 

Dr. Morgan," said CORA. "You real 
ly must lie down for half an hour." 


Morgan swore softly to himself 
You're making a mistake, young 
lady," he retorted, “I'm feeling fine.” But 
he was lying; CORA knew about the 
ache in his chest 
“Who the hell are you talking to 
Van 


ng angel,” answered Mor 


gan forgot to switch off the 


mike. I'm 
What pro} 
"Can't say. But I'm sure the cut’s pret 


g to take another rest 


ess are you making?" 


ty deep by this time, It must be 

He wished that he could switch ой 
CORA, but that, of course, was impos 
sible, even if she had not been out of 
reach between his breastbone and the 
fabric of his space suit. A heart monitor 
that could be silenced was worse than 
useless—it was dangerous. 

Dr. А said CORA, now dis 
tinctly annoyed. “I really must insist. At 


least half an hour's complete rest." 


This time, Morgan did not feel, like 
He knew that CORA wa 


answering. 
right; but she could not be expected to 


understand that his was not the only 
life involved. 

ain in his chest certainly seemed 
tting no worse; he decided to 
nore both it and CORA and started to 
saw away, slowly but steadily, with the 


loop of fiber. He would keep going, he 
told himself grimly, just as long as was 
necessary 

Suddenly, Spider lurched violently as a 
quarter ton of dead weight ripped away 
and Morgan was almost pitched out into 
the abyss. He dropped the spinnerette 
and grabbed for the safety belt 


Everything seemed to happen in 
dreamlike slow motion. He had no sense 
of fear, only an utter determination not 
to surrender to gravity without a fight 
But he could not find the safety belt; it 


must have swung back into the cabin 


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He was not even conscious of using his 
left hand, but suddenly he realized that 
it was clamped around the hinges of the 
open door. Yet still he did not pull him. 


self back into the cabin: he was hypno 
tized by the sight of the falling battery 


slowly rotating like some strange celestial 


body as it dwindled from sight. It took a 
long time to vanish completely: and not 
until then did Morgan drag himself to 
safety and collapse into his seat 

For a long time, he sat there, his heart 
hammering, awaiting CORA's next in 
dignant protest. To his surprise, she was 
silent, almost as if she, too, had been 
equally startled. Well, he would give her 
no further cause for complaint; from 
now on, he would sit quietly at the con 
trols, trying to relax his jangled nerves. 

When he was himself a 
the mountain 


in, he called 


“I've gotten rid of the battery," he said, 
and heard the cheers float up from Earth 
As soon as I've closed the hatch, FI be 
on my way again. Tell Sessui and € 


pany to expect me in just over an hoi 
And thank Kinte for the light—1 don't 
need it now 

He repressurized the cabin, opened the 
helmet of his suit and treated himself to 
a long, cold sip of fortified orange juice. 
Then he engaged drive and released the 
brakes and lay back with a sense of over 
whelming relief as Spider came up to 
full speed. 

He had been climbing for several min- 
utes before he realized what was missing. 
In anxious hope, he peered out at the 
metal grille of the porch. No, it was not 
there. 

Well, he could always get another 
rette to replace the one now fol 

the discarded battery back to 
Earth; it was а small sacrifice for such an 


lowing 
achievement. Strange, therefore, that he 
was so upset and unable fully to enjoy 
his triumph. 

He felt that he had lost an old and 
faithful friend 


FADE OUT 


The fact that he was still only 30 min. 
utes behind schedule scemed toc 
be true; Morgan would have been рге 
pared to swear that the capsule had halt- 
ed for at least an hour. 

When he passed the 500-kilometer 
mark, still g 
sage of congratulation from the ground 
“By the way,” added Kingsley, “the game 
warden in the Ruhana Sanctuary re- 
ported an aircraft crashing. We were able 
to reassure him—if we can find the hole, 
we may have a souvenir for you.” Mor 
gan had no dithculty in restraining his 


xl to 


ng strong, there was a mes 


enthusiasm; he was glad to see the last 
of that battery. Now, if they could. find 
the spinnerette—but that would be a 
hopeless task. 

The first sign of trouble came at 550 
kilometers. By now, the rate of ascent 
should have been almost 950 klicks; it was 


only 220. Slight though the discrepancy 
was—and it would make no appreciable 
difference to his arrival time—it worried 
Morgan. 

When he was only 
the tower, he had di 
lem and knew that this time there was 
absolutely nothing he could do about it 


ki 
nosed the prob 


meters from 


Although there should have been ample 


reserve, the battery was beginning to 
fade 

Perhaps those sudden jolts and restarts 
had brought on the malaise: possibly 
there was even some physical damage to 
the delicate components. Whatever the 
explanation, the current was slowly drop 
ping and, with it, the capsule's speed. 

There was consternation when Morgan 
reported the indicator readings back to 
the ground 

I'm afraid you're right,” Kingsley la 
mented, sounding almost in tears. "We 
suggest you cut speed back to one hun 
dred klicks. We'll try to calculate battery 
life—though it can only be an educated 
gues. 

Twenty-five kilometers to go—a mere 
15 minutes, even at this reduced speed! 
If Morgan had been able to pray. he 
would have done so. 

We estimate you have between ten 
and twenty minutes, judgi 
the current is dropping. It will be a close 
thing, I'm afraid 

Shall I reduce speed 


by the rate 


nin? 
"re trying to 


"Not for the moment; м 


optimize your discharge rate, and this 
seems about right." 

“Well, you can switch on your beam 
now. If I can't get to the tower, at least 
1 want to see it.” 

Neither Kinte nor the other orbiting 
stations could help him, now that he 
wished to look up at the underside of the 
tower. This w 
on Sri Kanda its 
toward the zenith. 

A moment later, the capsule was im 
paled by a dazzling beam from the heart 
ol Tapro! пе. Only a few meters away 
indeed, so close that he felt he could 
touch them—the three other guiding 
tapes were ribbons of light, converging 
toward the tower. He followed their 
dwindling 


task for the searchlight 
f, pointing vertically 


perspective—and there it 
was. 

Just 20 kilometers away! He should һе 
there in a dozen minutes, coming 
through the floor of that tiny square 
building he could see glittering in th 
sky 

At ten kilometers, there was a distinct 
change of pitch from the drive motors 
Morgan had been expecting this and re 
acted to it at once, Without waiting for 
advice from the ground, he cut speed 
back to 50 klicks 

At five kilometers, he could see the 
constructional details of the tower—the 
catwalk and protective rails, the fu 
tile safety net provided as 


sop to public 
opinion. Although he strained his eyes, 


“Oh, yeah? Well, my assertiveness seminar can 


lick your assertiveness seminar any day!" 


183 


PLAYBOY 


184 


he could not yet make out the air lock 


toward which he was now crawling with 


such agonizing slowness. 

And then it no longer mattered. Two 
kilometers short of th 
pletely 
downward a few meters before Mor 


goal, Spider's mo 


ws stalled c 


he capsule even 
sl 
gan was able to apply the brakes. 

Yet this time, to Morgan's surprise, 
Kingsley did not seem utterly downcast 


You can still make it,” he said. "Give 
the battery ten minutes to recuperate 
There's still enough energy there for that 
last couple of kilometers.” 

Morgan gave the battery an extra min 
ute for luck. To his relief, the motors ге 
sponded strongly, with an encour 


ging 
surge of power. Spider got within half a 
kilometer of the tower before stalling 
gain 

“Next time does it" said Kingsley 
though it seemed to Moi 
friend's. confidence now 
ed. "Sorry for all these de 


n that his 


ınded some- 
what Го 


lays. 
Another ten minutes?" Morgan asked 
with resignation 
I'm afraid so. And this time, use 
thirty-second bursts, with a minute be- 
tween them, Th 
erg out of the battery," 


t way, you'll get the last 


And out of me, thou 
Strange that CORA had been quiet for 
so long. Still, this time he had not ex 
erted himself physically; it only felt that 
way. 


ht Morgan. 


In his preoccupation with Spider, he 


had d himself. For the 


neglectin 
past hour, he had quite forgotten his zero 
residue glucose-based. energy. tablets and 
the little plastic bulb of fruit juice. After 


he had sampled both, 


he felt much bet 


ter and only wished that he could trans 
fer some of the surplus calories to the 
dying battery 

Now for the moment of truth—the 
final exertion, Failure was unthinkable 
when he was so close to the goal. The 
fates could not possibly be so malevolent 
now that he had only а few hundred 
meters t0 g 

The capsule heaved itself. upward. in 
fits and starts, like a dying animal seek 
ing its last haven, When the battery 


finally expired, the base of the tower 
seemed to fill hall the sky 
But it was still 20 meters above him. 


THEORY OF RELATIVITY 


It was to Morgan's credit that he felt 
his own [ate was sealed in the desolating 
last dre 
were exhausted and the lights on Spider's 
display panel finally faded. out for 
several seconds did he remember that he 
had only to release the brakes and he 


moment when the of power 


would slide back to Earth. In three hours, 
he could be safely back in bed. No one 
would blame him for the failure of his 
mission; he had done all that was human 
ly possible. 

For а brief while, he stared in а kind 


of dull fury at that inaccessible square 
with the shadow of Spider projected 
upon it. His mind revolved a host of 
crazy schemes and rejected them all. If 
he still had his faithful little spinner 
ette—but there would have been no way 
of getting it to the tower. // the refu 


possessed 


space suit, someone could 
lower a rope to him—but there had been 
no time to collect a suit from the burn 


ing transporter. 


Of course, if this were a video drama 


ind not a real-life problem, some heroic 
volunteer could sacrifice himself—better 
going into the lock and 


lown a rope, using the 15 seconds 


yet, hersell—by 


of vacuum consciousness to save the oth. 


ers. It was some measure of Me 


n’s 
desperation that, for a fleeting moment 
he even considered this idea before com: 
mon sense reasserted itself 

From the time that Spider had 
up the battle with gravity until N 
finally accepted that there was not 


more that he could do, probably less than 
а minute elapsed. Then Warren Kingsley 
isked а question that, at such а moment, 
relevance 

Give us your distance again, Van 


seemed an anne 


exactly how far are you from the tower?” 
What the hell does it matter? It could 
be a light-year.” 


There was a brief silence from the 
ground: then Kingsley spoke again: "It 
makes all the difference in the world. Did 


you say twenty meters?” 


Yes—that's about it." 
unmistakably — Warren 
gave a clearly audible sigh of relief 


Incredibly 


There was even joy in his voice when he 


answered: "And all these years, Van, I 


thought that you were the chief engineer 
on this project. Suppose it is twenty me 
ters exactly : 

Morgan's explosive shout prevented 
him from finishing the sentence. “What 
an idiot! Tell Sessui I'll dock in—oh 
fifteen minutes 

Fourteen point five, if you've guessed 
ht. And nothing on Earth 
can stop you now 


the distance r 


t and 
Morgan wished that Kingsley hadn't 
made it, Dockin 


That was still a risky stateme 


ıpters sometimes 
failed to latch toy 


ther properly, because 
of minute errors in. manufacturing tol 
erances. And, of course, there had never 
been a chance to test this particular 
system 

He felt only a slight embarrassment at 
his mental blackout. After all, under ех 


treme stress, а man could forget his own 


telephone number, even his own date of 
birth. 
It was all a matter of relativity. He 


could not reach the basement: but the 


ment would reach him—at its inex 
orable two kilometers a day 


HARD DOCK. 


The record for one day's construction 


had been 30 kilometers, when the slim 


mest and lightest section of the tower 


was being assembled. Now that the most 


massive wtion—the very root of the 


structure—was nearing completion in or 


bit, the rate was down to two kilometers. 


The approximately 15 minutes that it 
would take the tower to reach Spider 


would give Morgan time to check the 


adapter line-up and to mentally rehearse 
the rather tricky few seconds between 
confirming hard dock and releasing Spi 
der's brakes, If he left them on for too 
lor 


trial of stren 


there would be a very unequal 


h between the capsule and 


the moving megatons of the tower 


but relaxed 15 minutes— 
1, Morg hoped, to pacify 
CORA. Toward the end, everything 
seemed to happen very quickly and, at 


It was a loi 


the last moment, he felt like an ant about 


10 be crushed in a stamping press, as the 


id roof in the sky descended upon 
him. One second, the base of the tower 
Was still meters away: an instant. ater 
it appeared, he felt and heard the impact 
of the docking mechanisr 

Many lives depended now upon the 
skill and care with which the engincers 
and mechanics, years ago, had done their 
work. /f the с 
within the allowed tolerances; if the 


uplings did not line up 


latching mechanism did not operate cor 
rectly; if the seal were not airtight; if 
the stand-by instrument batrery wer 


inoperative 
Then, like a signal of victory, the 


DOCKING COMPLETED sign flashed on the 


indicator board. Tower and capsule were 
firmly mated together. Morgan had only 
to climb a few rungs of ladder and he 
would have reached his goal 

Already, he could hear a f 
welcoming raps from the far side of the 
ir lock, He undid his safety belt 


climbed awkwardly onto the seat and 


nt tattoo of 


started to ascend the ladder 
The bare, bleak cell was lit only by the 
solar-fuorescent p: 


ıels that had been ра 


tiently mapping and releasing sunlight 


for more than a decade, against ty 


emergency that had arrived at last. Their 
Шип 
have come from some old war: here were 
homeless and disheveled refugees from a 
ed city, huddling in а bomb shel 


| the few possessions they had 


nation revealed а scene that might 


devast 


ter w 
been able to save 

Not many such refugees, however 
would have carried bags labeled pro 
JECTION, LUNAR HOTEL CORPORATION 
P 


JPERTY OF THE FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF 


MARS, or the ubiquitous MAY/NoT/nE 
STOWED IN VACUUM. Nor would they have 
been so cheerful; even those who were 
lying down to conserve oxygen managed 
in had 


ed the salute when his legs 


а smile and а languid wave. Mor 


just ret 
buckled beneath him and everything 
blacked out 

Never before in his life had he fainted 
and when the blast of cold oxygen re 
vived him, his first emotion was one of 


acute embarrassment. His eyes came 
slowly into focus and he saw masked 


shapes hove 


ing over him. For a moment 
he wondered if he were in hospital; then 
returned to norma 
While he was still unconscious. his pre 


cious cargo must have been unloaded 

Those masks were the molecular sieves 
he had carried up to the tower: worn 
over nose and mouth, they would block 
the CO, but allow oxygen to pass. Simple 
they 
1 


vet technologically sophisticat 


would enable men to survive i 


atmosphere that would otherwise cause 
a little extra 

them, but 
» noth 


1 death. It required 


effort to breathe throu 


nature never gave something 


ing—and this was a very small price to 
pay 

Rather groggily, but refusing any help 
Могу 
introduced to the men and women he 
had saved, One matter still worried him 
while he was unconscious, had CORA 
delivered any of her set speeches? 

‘On behalf of all of us,” said Professor 
Sesui, with sincerity yet with the ob. 


n got to his feet and was belatedly 


vious awkwardness of à man who was 
seldom polite to anyone, “1 want to 
thank you for what you've done. We owe 
our lives to you. 

Any 1 
would have smacked of false modesty, эс 
Me 
mask to mumble something unintelligi 
ble. He was about to start checking that 
all the equipment had been unloaded 
when Professor Sessui added, rather anx 


cal or coherent reply to this 


n used the excuse of adjusting 


iously: "I'm sorry we can't offer you a 
chair—this is the best we can do.” He 
pointed to a couple of instrument boxes 
р of the other. “You really 
should take it easy 

The phrase was familiar: so CORA 
had spoken. There was a slightly embar 
rassed pause while Me 


one on 


registered 


this fact, and the others admitted. that 
they knew, and he showed that he knew 
they knew 


all without a word being 
uttered 


That can of sealant,” Morgan said. 


pointing to the smallest of the containers 
he had brought should take care of 
your leak. Spray it round the gasket of 
the air lock: it sets hard in a few seconds. 

Use the oxygen only when you have 
to; you may need it to sleep. There's а 
mask for everyone and a couple of 


“And here's food and water for three 
days—that should be plenty. The trans. 
porter from 10K should be here tomor- 
row. As for the Medikit—I hope you 
won't need that at all 

He paused for breath; it was not easy 
to talk while wearing а CO, filter and he 
felt an increasing need to conserve his 
b 


strength. But he still had one further 


nd the sooner the better 


driver-pilot Chang 
and said quietly, "Please help me suit up 


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185 


PLAYBOY 


186 


again. I want to inspect the tracks.” 
"That's only a thirty-minute suit 
you're wearing!" 

"I'll need ten minutes—fifteen at the 


n, I'm a space-qualified 
operator, you're not. No one's allowed 
to go out in a thirty-minute suit without 

spare pack or an umbilical. Except in 
an emergency, of course." 

“I want to look at the damage," he 
answered, "and examine the tracks. It 
would be a pity if the people from 10K 
couldn't reach you because they weren't 
warned of some obstacle, 

Chang was clearly not too happy 
about the situation (what had that gos- 
siping CORA jabbered while he was 
unconscious?) but raised no further argu- 
ments as he followed Morgan into the 
north lock. 

“I'm going to take a quick walk 
around the tower,” said Morgan, "and 
I'll describe any damage so you can 
report to Midway. It won't take more 
than ten minutes. And if it does—well, 
don't try to get me back." 

Driver-pilot Chang's reply, as he closed 
the inner door of the air lock, was very 
Тапа very brief. 

Tow the hell could 1?" he asked. 


VIEW FROM THE BALCONY 


The outer door of the north air lock 
opened without difficulty, framing a rec- 
tangle of complete darkness, Running 
horizontally across that darkness was a 
line of fire—the protective handrail of 
the catwalk, blazing in the beam of the 
searchlight pointed straight up from the 
mountain so far below. 

Morgan took a deep breath and flexed 
the suit, He felt perfectly comfortable 
and waved to Chang, peering at him 
through the window of the inner door, 
Then he stepped out of the tower. 

The catwalk that surrounded the base: 
ment was a metal grille about two meters 
wide: beyond it, the safety net had been 
stretched out for another 30 meters. The 
portion that Morgan could see had 
caught nothing whatsoever during its 
s of patient waiting. 

He started his. circumnavigation of 
the tower, shielding his eyes against the 
glare blasting up from underfoot, The 
oblique lighting showed up every least 
bump and imperfection in the surface, 
which stretched above him like a road- 
way to the stars—and, in a sense, it was. 

As he had hoped and expected, the 
explosion on the far side of the tower 
had caused no damage here; that would 
have required an atomic bomb, not a 
mere electrochemical one. The twin 
grooves of the track, now awaiting their 
first arrival, stretched endlessly upward 
in their pristine perfection. 

Taking his time, and keeping close to 
the sheer face of the tower, Morgan 
walked slowly westward until he came to 
the first corner. As he turned, he looked 


back at the open door of the air lock and 
the—relative, indeed!—safety that it rep- 
resented. Then he continued boldly 
along the blank wall of the west face. 

The west face was exactly like the 
north one—there was no sign of damage, 
even though it was closer to the scene of 
the explosion. 

Checking the impulse to hurry—after 
all, he had been outside for only three 
minutes—Morgan strolled on to the next 
corner, Even before he turned it, he 
could see that he was not going to com- 
plete his planned circuit of the tower. 

alk had been ripped off and 
was dangling out in space, a twisted 
tongue of metal. The safety net had van- 
ished altogether, doubtless torn away by 
the falling transporter. 

I won't press my luck, Morgan told 
himself. But he could not resist peering 
round the corner, holding on to the 
section of the guardrail that remained. 

There was a good deal of debris stuck 
in the track and th се of the tower 
had been discolored by the explosion. 
But as far as Morgan could see, even 
here there was nothing that could not be 
put right in a couple of hours by a few 
men with cutting torches. He gave a 
careful description to Chang, who ex- 
pressed relief and urged Morgan to get 
back into the tower as soon а» possible. 

When he had walked back to the 
open door of the air lock, he stood for a 
few final moments beside the guardrail, 
drenched by the fountain of light leap- 
ing up from the summit of Sri Kanda 
far below, It threw his own immensely 
elongated shadow directly along the tow- 
er, vertically upward toward the stars. 
That shadow must stretch for thousands 
of kilometers, and it occurred to Morgan 
that it might even reach the transporter 
now dropping swiftly down from the 
10K station, If he waved his arms, the 
rescuers might be able to see his signals; 
he could talk to them in Morse code. 

This amusing fantasy inspired a more 
serious thought. Would it be best for him 
to wait here, with the others, and not 
risk the return to Earth in Spider? But 
the journey up to Midway, where he 
could get good medical attention, would 
ke more than a day. That was not a 
native, since he could be 
Kanda in less than three 


hours. 
He patted the smooth, unyielding sur- 


face of the tower, more enormous in 
comparison with him than an elephant 
with an amocba. But no amoeba could 
ever conceive of an. elephant—still less 
create one. 

"See you on Earth in ten months," 
Morgan whispered, and slowly closed 
the air-lock door behind him. 


THE LAST DAWN 


Morgan was back in the basement for 
only five minutes; this was no time for 
social amenities and he did not wish to 


consume any of the precious oxygen he 
had brought here with such difficulty. 
He shook hands all round and scrambled 
back into Spider. 

It was good to breathe again without 
sk—better yet to know that his mis- 
had been a complete success and 
n less than three hours he would 
r all the 


that 
be safely back on Earth. Yet aft 
effort that had gone into reaching the 


tower, he was reluctant to cast off again 
and to surrender once more to the pull 
of gravity—even though it was now tak- 
ing him home, But presently, he released 
the docking latches and started to fall 
downward, becoming weightless for sev- 
eral seconds. 

When the speed indicator reached 300 
klicks, the automatic mechanical braking 
system came on and weight returned, 
The brutally depleted battery would be 
recharging now, but it must have bee 
damaged beyond repair and would hi 
to be taken out of service. 

There was an ominous parallel her 
Morgan could not help thinking of his 
own overstrained body, but a stubborn 
pride still kept him from asking for a 
doctor on stand-by. He had made a little 
bet with himself; he would do so only if 
CORA spoke again. 

She was silent ‚ as he dropped 
swiftly through the night. Morgan felt 
totally relaxed. and left Spider to look 
after itself while he admired the heavens. 
Few spacecraft provided so | nic a 
view, and not many men could ever 
have seen the stars under such superb 
conditions. The auroral veil had vanished 
completely, the searchlight had been 
extinguished and th nothing left 
to challenge the constellations. 

Except, of course, the stars that man 
himself had made, Almost directly ove 
head was the dazzling beacon of Ashoka, 
only a few hundred kilometers from the 
tower complex. Halfway down in the 
east was Confucius, much lower yet 
chameha, while high up from the 
west shone Kinte and Imhotep. These 
were merely the brightest signposts along 
the equator; there were literally scores 
of others, all of them far more brilliant 
than Sirius. How astonished one of the 
old astronomers would have been to see 
this necklace around the sky. And how 
bewildered he would have become when, 
an hour or so's observation, he dis- 
covered that they were quite immobile— 
neither rising nor setting, while the fa- 
ar stars drifted past in their ancient 
courses. 

As he stared diamond necklace 
stretched across the sky, Morgan's sleepy 
mind slowly transformed it into some- 
thing far more impressive. With only a 
slight effort of the imagination, those 
man-made stars became the lights of a 
titanic bridge. 

He drifted into still wilder fantasies. 
What was the name of the bridge into 
Valhalla, across which the heroes of the 


rse legends passed from this world to 
tne next? He could not remember, but it 
glorious dream. 

And had other creatures, long Lefore 
man, tried n the skies of 

own worlds? He thought of the 
ndid rings encircling Saturn, the 
ghostly arches of Uranus and Neptune. 
Although he knew perfectly well that 
ne of these Ids had ever felt the 
touch of life, it amused him to think that 
e were the shattered fragments of 
dges that had failed. 

He wanted to sleep, but against his 
will, imagination had seized upon the 
- Like a dog that had just discovered 
a new bone, it would not let go. 

The concept was not absurd; it was 
not even original. Many of the synchro- 
nous stations were already kilometers in 
extent or linked by cables that stretched 
along appreciable fractions of the 
orbit. To join them together, thus form- 
ing a ring completely around the world, 
would be ап engineering task much 
simpler than the building of the tower 
and involving much less material. 

No—not a ring, a wheel. This tow 
was only the first spoke. There would be 
others (four? six? a score?) spaced along 
the equator. When they were all con 
nected rigidly up there in orbit, the 
problems of stability that plagued 
single tower would vanish, Africa, South 
Ameri the Gilbert Islands, Indone- 
sia—they could all provide locations for 
Earth terminals, if desired. 

For someday, as materials improved 
and knowledge advanced, the tow 
could be made invulnerable even to 
the worst hurricanes, and mountain sites 
would no longer be necessary. If he had 
ted another 100 years, perhaps he 
need not have disturbed the Mahanayake 
Thero... 

While he 


was dreaming, the thin cres- 
cent of the waning moon had lifted un- 
obtrusively above the eastern horizon, 
already aglow with the first hint of dawn, 
thshine lit the entire lunar disk so 
brilliantly that Morgan could see much 
of the night-land detail; he strained his 
eyes in the hope of glimpsing that 
loveliest of sights, never scen by earlier 
ages—a star within the arms of the 
crescent moon, But none of the cities of 
man’s second home was visible tonight. 

Only 200 kilometers—less than an 
hour to go. There was no point in try- 
ing to keep awake; Spider had automatic 
stand-by mechanical terminal program- 
ng and would touch gently down with- 
ng his sleep. . . . 
in woke him first; CORA was 
fraction of a second lat 
"Don't try to move,” she said sooth- 
ingly. "I've radioed for help. The ambu- 
lance is on the way. 

That was funny. But don't laugh, 

an ordered himself; she's only do- 

ing her best. He felt no fear; though the 
pain beneath his breastbone was intense, 


it was not incapacitating. He tried to 
focus his mind upon it and the very act 
of concentration relieved the symptoms. 
Long ago, he had discovered that the 
best way of handling pain was to study 
it objectively. 

Warren was calling him, but the words 
were far away and had little meaning. 
He could recognize the anxiety in his 
friend's voice and wished that he could 
do something to alleviate it; but he had 
no strength left to deal with this prob- 
lem—or with any othe 

Now he could not even hear the words; 
а faint but steady roar had obliterated all 
other sounds. Though he knew t it 
existed. only in his mind—or the laby- 
rinthine channels of his ears—it seemed 
completely real; he could believe that he 
t the foot of some gı 


was standing 
waterfall... 

It was growing fainter, softer—more 
musical. And suddenly he recognized i 
How pleasant to hear once more, on the 
silent frontier of space, the sound he 
remembered from his very first to 


avity was drawing him home 
as through the centuries its invisible ha 
had shaped the trajectories of the 
tains of Paradise. But he had created 
mething that gravity could never re- 
capture, as long as men possessed the 
wisdom and the will to preserve it. 

How cold his legs were! What had 
happened to Spider's life-support system? 


But soon it would be dawn; then there 
would be warmth enough. 

The stars were fading, far more swiftly 
than they had any right to do. That was 
nge; though the day was almost here, 
und him was growing 


мт; 
everything 
dark. And the fountains were sinking 
back into the Earth, their voices becom- 
ing fainter... fainter . . . fainter. 

And now there was another voice, but 
Vannevar Morgan did not hear it. Be- 
tween brief, piercing Меер, CORA 
cried to the approaching dawn: 


HELP! WILL ANYONE WHO HEARS ME 
PLEASE COME AT ONCE! 
THIS IS A CORA EMERGENCY! 
HELP! WILL ANYONE WHO HEARS M 
PLEASE COME АТ О: 


. 

She was still calling when the sun 
came up and its first rays caressed the 
summit of the mountain that had once 
been sacred. below, the shadow of Sri 
Kanda leape 
truncated cone otherwise 
by any act of man. 

There were no pilgr 
that symbol of eternity lie across the 
of the awakening land. But millions 
would see it, in the centuries ahead, as 
they rode in comfort and safety to the 
мага, 


This is the conclusion of 
tains of Paradise,” 


forth upon the clouds, its 
unblemished 


“She was Miss April when we married twenty-five years ago— 
now she’s April, May, June and July.” 


187 


PLAYBOY POTPOURRI 


STRAPPED FOR LAUGHS 
A true connoisseur of locker 
room comedy will go to any 
lengths to milk a belly laugh 
from his audience. Wearing a 
lamp shade is passé and stink 
powder and rubber vomit are a 
yawn (though it’s rumored that 
England's Prince Charles has 
been spotted in a local g 
stocking up on whoopee cush- 


ions). But now comes an item 
that's so gross it’s guaranteed to 
produce a round of braying 
from all but the most jaded wag. 
Just $9.95 sent to the Magical 
Mystery Tour, Ltd., a store at 
6010 W. Dempster, Morton 
Grove, Illinois 60053, will bring 
you a personalized (first name 
only) Super Joc apron that's 
shaped like a giant jockstrap 
complete with the legend THE 
MOST WITH THE MOST across 

the crotch, Just step into it and 
wait for the laughs. Fun . . 

huh .., huh... huh 


MY FUNKY VALENTINE 


For this February 14th—and all year round, if you're really a roman 
tic—you can find everything your heart desires on the shelves of a 

curious Manhattan shop called Only Hearts at 281 Columbus Avenue. 
Co-owners Jonathan and Helena Stuart stock—as you m 
guessed—only objects that are heart-shaped; potholders, 


planters, etc., plus a variety of contemporary and antique valentines 
хо would melt the heart of Lucrezia Borgia. Love conquers.all. 


people, places, objects and events of interest or amusement 


WE LOVE A MYSTERY 


The expression the dead of winter takes 


on new meanir 


handsome 100-plus-page magazine called 


The Armchair Detective that's published 


quarterly by The Mysterious Press, 1 
West 56th Street, New York, New Yı 
10019, for $16 annually. Recent articles 
include “The English Detective Novel Be 
tween the Wars: 1919-1939," a piece on 


k 


detective dramas and a roundup of current 


whodunit titles, It's bloody good fun 


when you subscribe to a 


GUYS AND DOLLS 


At left are Jim Devereux and 
his four-foot-high cloth clone. 


Devereux, who's co-owner of 
The Grand Gesture, a gift 
shop at 21793 Ventura Boule 
vard, Woodland Hills, Cali 
fornia 91364, creates these 
look-alike dolls for $125 each, 
d, provided you send 


postp: 
him at least two color photos 
one fullface, the oth 
profile. (For $125, your doll 

will be wearing a loincloth or 
a bikini; fancy threads will 

cost you more.) Or you can 


рау $800 and get a life-sized 
replica. We hear friends of 
Paul Williams’ bought him a 
full-sized doll for the price 


of a four-footer 


BLUES IN THE ROUND 
Those old piano blues from the Twenties origi 
nally played by such artists as Little Brother 
and Stump Johnson are available on three sep 
arate Magpie LPs that were produced in 
England and are now available from Rounder 
Records, P.O. Box 474, Somerville, Massachusetts 
02144, for $6 each, postpaid. Volume One is a re- 
issue of Paramount label recordings, Volume Two 
showcases Brunswick and Volume Three features 
Vocalion. The cover designs are by PLAYBOY 
cartoonist Smilby, who's а real blues buff 


MAN TO MANHOLE 

If you walk with your head down, you've 
probably noticed the unusual patterns 
that 


onymous designers have chosen to 
emblazon upon manhole covers. If you 
don't, then you can still stay one step 
ahead of the art crowd by sending $22.50 
to Black Chip Graphics, P.O. Box 17511, 
Denver, Colorado 80217, for a 
rubbing of an unusual design that’s been 


27" x 


silk-screened on canvas. If someone 
asks, tell him Manhole Ray did it 


TOYING WITH 
TOMORROW 

Capsela land and water 
motorized models consist of 
snap-together parts and clear- 
plastic capsules in which you 
lly see the battery 
powered gears going round. 


can actu 


Although kids will love 
them, an imaginative adult 
can construct some really 
incredible moving objects, 
such as the elevator pictured 
here. Order Capsela's 700. 
series kit from Play-Jour, Inc 
1271 Avenue of the Americas, 
Suite 3530, New York, New 
York 10020, for $35, postpaid, 
and start snapping. 


SOMETHING TO CHEER ABOUT 
Remember the photo of Linda Kellum and the 
other ex-Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders we ran 
in our December 1978 feature Pro Football's 
Main Attractions? This same picture, shot by 
crack L.A. photographer Arny Freytag, is now 


available as a 22” x 28" color poster from Score 
board Posters, 517 A Wilshire Boulevard, 
Santa Monica, California 90401, for just $5.70, 


postpaid. Pin it up and eat your heart out 


NEEDLEPORN 
With everyone from Rosey 
Grier to your Aunt Sadie 
stitching needlepoint, it was 
only a matter of time until 
somebody came up with a 
naughty pattern that you 
might find too hot to hang in 
your living room but just 
the right touch for the bou- 
doir. The complete kit that 
Chaise Lounge Needlepoint, 
P.O. Box Louisville, 
Kentucky 40207, will send you 
for $37, postpaid, is copied 
from an Oriental pillow book 
Start working, and when 
someone asks how you're com. 
ing along on it, just tell 
him you're in the pink 


PLAYBOY 


190 


SEX HANG-UPS. romua pesa 


“The Devil’s penis was said to be made of ivory, 
shod with iron or covered with fish scales.” 


his clothing, since the sight of his own 
parts might tempt him; many followed 
his example. Those who needed out 
help were given it by their confessors: By 
the Seventh Century, masturbation cost 
40 days of penance, and Aquinas later 
reckoned it a worse sin than fornication. 
Since this did little more than make mil- 
lions feel terrible—without eliminating 
the practice—physicians in the 18th and 
19th centuries took another tack: They 
claimed that over 100 diseases, ranging 
from poor eyesight and epilepsy to heart 
murmurs and men rder, were 
caused by masturbation. This was effec- 
ive, at least in spoiling the pleasure of 
masturbators. And who can say that the 
physicians were wrong? For, undoubted- 
ly. some of those who were authorita- 
tively told that they would develop 
physical and mental ailments if they mas- 
turbated did, indeed, develop such ail- 
ments out of fear and guilt, 

9. Intercourse with spirits: In v 
eras, men and women who denied them- 
selves even the mediocre solace of mas- 
turbation often. dreamed, willy-nilly, of 
sexual delights, But since, consciously, 
they desired not to enjoy such pleasures, 
they transformed their yearnings in sleep 
into visitations by supernatural crea- 


ious 


tures—incubi and the Devil 
himself, and Christ. 

Christ? Yes, even he. The cult of vir- 
ginity, in which every nun or pious vir- 
gin is “the bride of Christ,” dates back to 
the Fifth Century: in earlier days, it had 
distinctly erotic overtones. Saint Jerome 
himself, persuading one virgin to remain 
celibate, used curiously sexual imagery: 

“Let the seclusion of your own cham- 
ber ever guard you; ever let the Bride- 
groom sport with you within, If you 
pray, you are speaking to your Spouse: if 
you read, He is speaking to you. When 
sleep falls on you, He will come behind 
the wall and will put His hand through 
the hole in the door and will touch your 
belly. And you will d rise up 
and cry: T am sick wi 

No one knows how many virgins sub- 
limated their desires in this fashion, but 
some of those who achieved fame, and 
who left their moirs, tell of such 
dreams or visions. Sometimes, though, 
they thinly concealed the truth from 
themselves behind transparent. symbol- 
ism. Saint Theresa of Avila, the 16th 
Century Carmelite mystic, described her 
many transports and raptures, in some of 
which she saw a beautiful angel holding 
a long golden spear with a fiery tip; he 


succubi, 


would thrust this several times into her 
heart and a feeling of burning, divine 
love would descend into her bowels and 
fill her being. 

Others weren't as fortunate. For many 
centuries, from the Middle Ages on, un- 
counted. thousands of women (and some 
men) had the impression that at night 
they were sexually possessed by demons 
or by the Devil himself, which qu ed 
them to become witches. They gave the 
most vivid details (when tortured by in- 
quisitors) of their sexual union with the 
evil one: His penis was variously said to 
be made of ivory, shod with iron or cov- 
ered with fish scales and, in any case, 
ice-cold. (Maybe the Devil just had an 
assortment of French ticklers and novelty 
condoms.) Some claimed that intercourse 
with him was excruciating but others said 
that it was marvelous. (As one Scottish 
witch said, “He is abler for us than any 
man can be.”) Of special importance to 
them, or perhaps to him, was his anus: 
At Black Masses, those who reverently 
kissed this orifice received special powers. 
All of which might seem amusing, except 
that those who confessed were burned at 
the stake. In 1554, one inq 
ported that at least 30,000 witches had 
been destroyed in a century and a half, 
and by the time the witchcraft fr 
died out, the number must have been 
far greater than that. 

10. The need for pain in sexual pleas- 
ите: Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, the 
novelist who liked his wife to beat him 
with a whip that had nails in it, was not 
а bird. Although many experts 
e described women as often being 
masochistic in the sex act, and wanting 


to be forced or hurt a little, it is men 
who have more often required severe 
whippings, without which they could not 


dition was especially common in the sex- 
ually constipated 19h Centu 
notably in England. Indeed, flagel 
by a prostitute, at the man's own wish, 
was widely called le vice anglais. М 

of London's Victorian brothels special- 
ized in this service, and their clientele 
included men of distinction. 

Some writers have linked le vice an- 
glais to the English custom of birching 
pubescent schoolboys on their bare bot- 
toms for their misdeeds. Perhaps—but 
that doesn't explain the phenomenon, 
mentioned by Havelock Ellis, of those 
men who went to Victorian brothels 
where they could be hanged from a 
padded cord. Hanged but not killed; the 


scholarly Ellis adds in a footnote that 
though hanged criminals sometimes have 
emissions, there "is no sexual pleasure in 


death by hanging, and persons who have 
been rescued at the last moment have ex- 
perienced no voluptuous sensation.” 

Too bad. That would surely have been 
the ultimate hang-up, 


STRIKE TEAMS oc 


“After a while, the terrorists need а psychiatrist. 
And they get one—from the opposing side.” 


today's terrorists spend a brief sojourn 
in their version of paradise. Sex and 
terrorism are intimately intertwined, In- 
ion acquired from Israeli sources 
ve interrogated captured terrorists 
and debriefed informers is that the main 
ausement before embarking on а mis- 
sion is a grand orgy. The teams are often 
mposed of an equal number of men 
and women, and they make the most of 
it. For а few glorious days, the terrorists 
have almost limitless funds, total leisure 
and nonstop sex. Before leaving Had- 
dad's training camp in Yemen on her 
first mission, a Dutch girl, who was ar- 
rested on a scouting mission in a plot to 
blow up the Tel Aviv Hilton, told my 
Israeli sources that her going-away party 
turned into а gang bang, Almost in- 
variably, the women are passed around, 
nd а few who have been captured and 
interrogated have complained of brutal 
nd insatiable appetites of their male 
mi 
But suddenly, the ecstasy of inter- 
course changes to the nerve-racking ten- 
sion of the operation. As a rule, the 
terrorists are too keyed up to sleep the 
night before an operation and, of course, 
they must stay awake through its prog- 
ress. Alter a couple of days, they begin 
to suffer from the combined eflect of 
sleeplessness and the Benzedrine they 
take to stay awake. Personalities become 
unstable. Moods oscillate madly, imag: 
inations go wild, mental concentration 
deteriorates. In short, these people need 
a psychiatrist. And they get one. Unfor- 
tunately, he is on the opposing side. 
Because of his special insight into the 
mindscape of a terrorist, the European 
psychiatrist. mentioned сап, at least 
to a degree, manipulate the skyjackers. 
erally, he does not speak to them 
"0nitors the conversation between 
the plane and the tower and advises the 
negotiator on the approaches he should 
take. When the leader is feeling insecure, 
the psychiatrist seeks to extract conces- 
sions, such as the extension of а soon-to- 
expire deadline or the release of a sick 
hostage. When the leader is behaving 
essively or ally, he tries to 
calm and reassure general rule, 
he encourages the leader's illusion that 
the skyjacking will end in success and 
he pretends that he is trying to persuade 
his own side to cooperate. Above all, he 
secks to convince the terrorists that they 


les. 


have nothing to gain and lots to lose, 
including the world's esteem, if they 


harm the hostages. The psychiatrist 


hopes to promote a bond of interde- 
pendence that sometimes—but by no 
means always—develops between captor 
and hostage. During the skyjacking of 
the Lufthansa 737, which was finally 
freed in Mogadiscio, the terrorists not 
only executed the pilot but also went 
through the cabin hitting passengers on 
the head with live grenades. 

While the diplomat talks, British 
S.A.S. experts work on the plane itself, 
The British possess by far the most 
sophisticated systems for finding out 
what is going on inside the aircraft. The 
listening and recording devices that will 
pick up the conversation and movements 
of the terrorists inside the plane are 
tached to the underbelly of the craft, 
The terrorists, by the way, have no way 
of preventing this surveillance—and do 
not even know when it is taking place. 


The SAS. men discover two vital 
ts: the number of skyjackers—let's as- 
sume there are four—and the pattern 
of their movements. They also learn 
about the terrorists’ frame of mind, 
whether or not they are bickering among 
themselves, what plans they are discussing 
and how serious they are about carrying 
out the threat to blow up the hostages and 
themselves if their demands not met. 

By that time, the terrorists would be at 
their most dangerous: they would be 
on the verge of mental collapse, Despite 
reassurance, they would certainly suspect 
they were being deceived. 

At Sharm-el-Sheikh, the Black Berets 
would have switched to an Israeli C-130, 
because that aircraft, unlike the giant 
25A, is capable of putting down quietly 
on a short, rough strip. Since it is impera- 
tive that their arrival not be observed by 
the terrorists, the Israeli pilot also would 
fly without lights and would maintain ra- 
dio silence. On the final approach, he 
would peer at the runway through special 
"nightsight" binoculars similar to the 
Starlight scopes used їп Vietnam. He 
would also be helped by radar reflectors 
(strips of thin metal) that the advance 


“Just because you've painted it 
red, white and blue doesn't give you the right to 
show it to everybody, fella." 


191 


PLAYBOY 


192 wings, In five 


team would have placed on the runway. 
Bouncing impulses off these reflectors, 
the C-130's radar would give the pilot a 
fix on altitude and direction. 

ith the engines feathered, their huge 
windmill-like propellers turning slowly, 
the C-130 could touch down almost si- 
lently and roll to a stop well out of sight 
of the terrorists. 

On a Boeing 707, the assault force 
would storm the plane through a total of 
five entry points, the two regular doors 
forward and aft on the left side of the 
aircraft, the forward galley service door 
on the right side and two over-wing 
emergency exits. Their faces blackened 
with combat cosmetics, the Black Bere 
would silently make their way to within 
50 or 60 meters of the aircraft and then 
halt, taking cover any way they could, 
behind sand dunes or parked service 
vehicles, The supporting force, deployed 
in а circle about 100 yards from the 
plane, would be armed with M-16s and 
M-60 machine guns (a weap 
of killing a man from shock 
on a toe can be fatal), The assault te 
would carry the Beretta .22-caliber auto- 
matics provided by the Israelis. 

S.A.S. experts underneath the Boeing 
would be monitoring the eavesdropping 
equipment through headsets, An. expert 
in hostage negotiations would also listen 
in on the exchanges between the terrorist 
leader in the cockpit and our diplomat in 
the control tower. 

Unlike the usual military operations, 
there is no preset zero hour for the type 
of assault we are about to witness, In- 
stead, the Black Berets’ officers and the 
S.A.S. men crouching beneath the aircraft 
must make the decision themselves. They 
weigh a complex set of factors: the frame 
of mind of the terrorists (are they alert 
or lulled?), their whereabouts (are they 
clustered in one place ог scattered 
throughout the aireralt?), the condition 
of the passengers (do they seem calm and 
seated. so they won't be caught in the 
fire fight?) and the strain of waiting on 
inexperienced troops (will they get too 
nervous?). 

Moving in squads of five, the Black 
Berets run from their hiding places and 
take positions under the v s 
In each squad, one man carries a stubby 
lightweight stepladder and a second 
holds a metal cylinder that looks about 
like an aluminum beer can without a 
label, Actually, it is a stun grenade. 

When the commandos conclude that 
the right moment is approaching, they 
give a signal that activates some extreme- 
ly ingenious dirty tricks meant to con- 
found and confuse the terrorists. For 
example, by cutting and splicing tapes of 
the terrorist leader's voice, completely 
new commands cin be piped directly 
into the plane to confuse them, Ladders 
are placed against the fuselage and the 
seconds or less, two men 


are at each entrance. Within another few 
seconds, they opened the doors and 
hatches. 


Many press reports have implied that 
the doors are blasted open, but that is 
not how it's done. All passenger aircraft 
are constructed so that in the event of a 
crash, rescue crews can open the doors, 
using levers on the plane's exterior. 
These emergency devices are built in a 
fail-safe manner, so that no malfunction 
within the aircraft can affect them. In 
addition to the outside levers, there are 
other means by which to open an air- 
craft from the outside, but the terrorists 
do not seem to be aware of them. There- 
lore, they must remain confidential. 

As the doors and hatches pop free, 
Black Berets wrestle them open. А part 
ner tosses a stun grenade into the cabin. 
A total of five grenades explode almost 
simultaneously in the 707, filling the 
plane with shock waves, a deafening roar 
nd a blinding light. The grenade is in 
reality a giant firecracker composed of 
high explosives for the concussion and 
magnesium for the flash, The thin metal 
ing (some models use plastic or card- 
board to contain the charge) disinte- 
grates, reducing it to harmless particles, 
"The blast is so great that its shock waves 
render the terrorists and passengers to- 
Шу helpless for at least six seconds. But 
the troopers, wearing special helmets and 
goggles, are unaffected by it. As soon as 
the stun grenades go off, the two assault 
troopers at each ei leap in, 

"Down! Down!” they cry. And any pas- 
senger with a grain of sense will hit the 
floor and hug it. The first troopers are 
followed by two more. The fifth man of 
ach squad remains outside as coordi- 
ator and observer. As they spring into 
the plane, the Black Berets know exactly 
the positions the other troopers will take 
and do not fire in those directions. From 
S.A.S. guidance, they also know the loca- 
tions of the terrorists, and the troopers 
begin firing into those areas, aiming at 
nyone who is standing. 

Blinded and stunned, the terrorists 
might attempt to return the fire, but in 
the dark interior of the plane, the muz 
ale flash from their pistols would only 
give away their positions, and immedi- 
ate counterfire from the rapid-shooting 
Berettas would cut them down. As the 
terrorists fall, the Black Berets rush them. 

Meanwhile, other troopers help the 
passengers from the plane. They leave 
behind demolition experts, who enter 
as soon as the shooting ends 
and defuse any explosives the terrorists 
have rigged aboard the plane. From the 
ignal to the emergence of the first 
hostage from the freed plane, the entire 
sault might take 60 seconds. This oper- 
ation has been an unqualified success. 
But then, this operation exists only in 
the minds of Washington planners. 
What if a real operation were only a 
partial success, or even а 


is certainly no guarantee of success at 
present. Even if an assault unit managed 
to reach a skyjacked jet in time, the 
number of things that could go wrong 
is pretty formidable, Getting inside the 
aircraft would be the easy part. But at 
that point, anything could happen, The 
Americans, unaccustomed to close com- 
bat within an aireraft, might wound or 
kill some of the passengers with inaccu- 
rate fire. Passengers might stand up in 
fright and be cut down in the fire fight. 
If the terrorists were not killed or se 
verely wounded immediately (remember, 
the stun grenade’s effect lasts only 
few seconds), one of them might toss a 
grenade that would kill or wound doz 
ens of hostages, Worse, the leader might 
go ahead and blow up the plane. So far, 
terrorists have shown a marked reluc- 
tance to blow themselves up, At this 
writing, they have never, in all their 
scores of skyjackings, blown up a plane 
with anyone inside it. But, faced with 
certain death or capture by an assault 
squad, the terrorists might, indeed, de- 
cide to take everyone with thi 

In addition, because it is so lightly 
armed, thin in manpower and lacking in 
reinforcements, ап antiterrorist assault 
team is very vulnerable to unexpected 
developments on the ground, 
A is the Egypti; my's antiterrorist 
as Saiqa (Lightning), 
which suffered terrible casualties on Cy- 
prus in early 1978, The te 
from Egypt's 20 elite commando. bri- 
gades, is given top marks by I 
terrorist experts for training and esprit. 
The Lightning troopers proved their et- 
fectiveness in 1976 when they recap: 
tured an Egyptair 737 from Palestinian 
guerrillas at the Nile Valley city of 
xor, near the Aswan High Dam. Li 


even an experienced unit in into 
disaster unless its intelligence is accu- 
rate, timely and encompasses all aspects 
of the situation, 

A Western electronics specialist 
me the most thorough and uptodate 
account of this operation yet disclosed. 
The background of the raid 
cal high drama. The Palestine Libera- 
tion Organization (P.L.O.) wanted to 
warn Egyptian president Anwar Sadat 
against making a separate peace with 
Israel. That warning was delivered in 
the form of automatic-weapons fire tl 
cut down one of Sadar's closest friends, 
Yousef el-Sebai, in the lobby of the 
Nicosia Hilton. ELS , editor in chief 
of Egypt's leading newspaper, Al Ahram, 
had been attending а conference of Mid- 
dle East editors. As a means of escape, 
the killers commandeered а Cyprus 
Airways DCS, hustled 11 editors aboard 
as hostages and took off toward the 
Persian Gulf. But no. country would 
allow them to land. Remember, that 
was only five months after Мо, 


jadiscio, 


and even the more rabid Arab countries 
were cautious about befriending sk: 
jackers. So the plane returned to Cy- 
prus’ Larnaca airport. 

According to sources actually involved 
in the operation, Sadat, outraged over 
the death of his friend, secretly decid- 
ed to send his antiterrorist unit to Cyprus 
to capture the terrorists and bring them 
back for some quick Egyptian justice. 
But he failed to tell the Cypriot gov- 
ernment of his plans, Instead, he sent 
only this cryptic communication: "Help 
is on its way." The Cypriots interpreted 
the message to mean that a high Egyp- 
tian official would come to parti ipate 
in the negotiations with the terrorists. 
Meanwhile, to achieve the element of 
surprise, the Egyptian commando chiefs 
asked their Isracli counterparts to help 
trick Larnaca radar into believing their 
plane was not a military C130 but a 
civilian Boeing, The Israelis, masters of 
electronic deception, masked the C-130's 
identity by "encasing" it in а microwave 
envelope that prevented. Cypriot radar 
from determining the type of craft 
approaching. Consequently, the Israeli 
crew was able to claim it was piloting ап 
Egyptair 707 and get permission to land. 
It rolled to a halt only 500 meters from 
the skyjacked DCS. 

But Egypt was caught off guard, too. 
Sadat and his antiterrorist advisors 
lacked a crucial piece of intelligence: A 
deal had already been struck between 
the P.L.O. and the Cypriot gove 
ment—negotiated, according to the Mos- 
sad, by a Cypriot doctor who, besides 
serving the К.С.В. as а contact with the 
Greek Cypriots, is also а bagman for 
terrorist funds. The terms: freedom for 
the hostages in return for safe conduct 
of two terrorists. to Lebanon, As а 
guarantee, the doctor sent a plane to 
Beirut, which fetched 14 heavily armed 
P.L.O. commandos who would be pres 
ent at the exchange. 

As the El Saiqa troopers began racing 
toward the DC-8, the P.L.O, contingent, 
evidently sensing a betrayal, opened fire 
on them from behind. Then all hell 
broke loose. The Egyptians began shoot- 
ing. So, too, did the Cypriot Майо! 
Guard, firing with Browning .50-caliber 
heavy machine guns from three direc- 
tions. "The lightly armed El Saiqa was 
chewed up by withering cross fire and. 
the attack failed completely. Such 
disaster could befall our own strike 
force if, for lack of accurate intelligence, 
it blundered into an ambush. No won- 
der an American veteran borne colo- 
nel, who sometimes observes Black Beret 
training, is concerned. “I just hope they 
don't put those fellows in over their 
heads," he says. 

So how do you create strike forces that 
will succeed. rather than fail? To date, 
Blue Light is a tightly held secret and 
little is known of its training, but allied 


antiterrorist forces say it is weak on anti- 
skyjacking tactics. We know a bit more 
about the Black Berets. They have taken 
some lessons from our foreign counter- 
parts. Selection plays a major role. They 
call themselves “the three-time volun- 
teers"—for the Army, for the paratroop- 
ers and, finally, for the Rangers. But 
volunteering is not even half of it. New- 
comers are put through extremely ardu- 
ous testing. First comes a battery of 
psychological tests and a psychiatric ex- 
amination to eliminate candidates with 
unstable personalities and/or possibly 
homicidal tendencies. At that stage, the 
number disqualified is small, two or 
three percent at most. Then starts a 
period of intense physical and mental 
exertion that is designed to break all but 
the exceptional few, The Black Berets, 
for example, have what they call their 
RIP (for Ranger Indoctrination Pro- 
gram). And it lives up to its name. 
RIP lasts for ten days, includes five 
parachute jumps and specializes in non- 
stop field exercises of the most trying 
sort, such as moving about for several 
days in swamp with water at times up to 
one's neck, A Black Beret must also be 
able to run five miles in 40 
wearing combat boots, 

The dropout rate at that stage jumps 
to about 90 percent. Seldom is а candi- 
date actually told by his superiors he is 
nqualified. More often, the man real- 
izes he cannot take the pressure and asks 
out. But И he does not ask out, his 
fellow trainees will tell him to get out, 

I'd rather have only four men with me 
Т can count on," a Black Beret sergeant 


told me, “than ten I am unsure of," 

With their immaculately pressed cam- 
ouflage uniforms and supershort hair 
"one inch on top and white sidewalls"), 
the Black Berets seem somewhat anach- 
ronistic. Pleasant, polite, serious-minded, 
they strike an observer as а throwback to 


а less complex and more self-confident 
America of the Forties and Fifties. On 
the other hand, 


at this writing, the 
not yet been on a sin- 
ion. 

ast, at this writing, the last 
id by Israel's 269 commandos 


reported т; 
was against а P,L.O. small-boat base in 
Lebanon on March 2, 1978. Acting on an 
informer's tip that an attack. was being 


planned, Israeli commandos destroyed 
two collapsible boats and shot dead two 
P.L.O. terrorists, The 269's action, how- 
ever, did not prevent the P.L.O. raid from 
ing place: it only delayed it. Exactly 
eight days later, a team of 13 P.L.O. com- 
mandos landed undetected in Israel, but 
due to а navigational error, they went 
ashore near Haifa, about 50 miles north 
of Tel Aviv. Seizing а bus and hostages, 
п a murderous ride south along 
firing at passing autos. 
Intercepted and defeated in а shoot-out 
near the Tel Aviv Country Club, one 
of the two surviving terrorists confessed 
that their target was once again the Hil- 
ton in Tel Aviv, The Tel Aviv Hilton is 
an impressive tower standing directly on 
the beach. It is also a symbol to the 
P.L.O. of American support for 1м 

Since then, the 269 most likely lı 
been in action a dozen or more times, 
for it is the chief trouble shooter of the 
Israeli Defense Force. One day, the 269 


“Multiple? Are you kidding? It wasn't 
even fractional!” 


193 


PLAYBOY 


may be conducting a long-range recon- 
naissance mission behind Syrian lines, 
the next day, fighting terrorists in Israel 
and the next, raiding а terrorist strong- 
hold in Lebanon or Iraq. Among its ex- 
ploits; the astonishingly bold helicopter 
snatch of a brand-new Soviet radar sta- 
tion from Egypt (Israeli and American 
experts wanted to study it). A revenge 
mission that blew up 14 Middle 
Airline planes in Beirut. Major partici- 
pation in the daring Mossad raid in 
Beirut that assassinated three Black Sep- 
tember leaders, destroyed the „О, 
bomb shop and damaged two terrorist 
headquarters. Troopers of the 269 staged 
the first successful recapture of a hi- 
jacked jetliner when they 
Sabena jet at Lod Airport in 1972, Still, 
the 269's most brilliant victory came at 
Entebbe, when it killed seven terrorists 
and 20 Ugandan soldiers and rescued 
102 Jewish hostages. Since Entebbe was 
the turning point in the war against 
skyjacking, the 2 al cred. 
it for having fought—and won—that 
crucial battle. 

Of all the strike forces, the 269 is the 
most discreet, Its 1000 or so тетін 
wear no unit designation on the uni 
forms and, in fact, are forbidden to 
admit they serve in the unit or even that 
9 exists, The location of its control 
se is a well-kept secret, but now mem 
bers of the unit are being placed 
throughout the country so the 269 can 
react more quickly 

The intensity of the 269» training 
should be a model for our strike force 
It never ceases. Israeli operations are 
choreographed as if they were а ballet. 
There are no wasteu movements and 
each phase is rehearsed and timed with 
а мор watch until the trooper сап per- 
form it to perfection, 

In. additi 
plished paratrooper, each man must 
master the 269's special arts: sniping, 
sabotage, silent killing, evasive drivin 
electronics and communication, to men: 
tion a few. The trainee also learns to 
function as а lone opera 
days under severe condi 


stormed а 


deserves spe 


E 


n to becoming an accom- 


or, living for 
ns. "They are 
wained to survive and achieve their mis- 
sions at all costs, even if they have to 
carry on alone,” а former 269 command 
er told me. 

West Germany's Group Nine was cre- 
ated as а direct result of the disaster at 
the 1972 Olympics, when Black Septem- 
ber began an attack on the Israeli Olym- 
pic team, killing two men and taking 
nine hostages. In a totally misconceived 
and stupid operation, six Munich police 
sharpshooters attempted. to ambush the 
eight terrorists at Fürstenfeldbruck. air 
base, as the Israelis sat bound hand and 
foot in two helicopters. First, the police 
were not even aware of the number of 
terrorists they had to deal with (six 
snipers ag eight terrorists isn’t 


TERRORIST 
WARFARE: 
TOOLS OF 

THE TRADE 


Terrorist wars are fought with the 
world's most sophisticated weapons, 
from common plastic explosives (com- 
position C4) to Claymore mines that fire 
700 steel ball bearings and can kill at 
ranges up to 250 meters. Mostl 
though, the weapons are more "per- 
than that. The arsenal on these 
pages constitutes but a sampling of the 
weapons ued on both sides of this on- 
going war—by terrorists and antiterror- 
ists alike. Though not a comprehensive 
list, by any means, it is—in the opinion 
of firearms and terrorist experts—a 
good look at the most common light 
arms used in terrorist encounters. 


THE BAD GUYS 


WALTHER P38 
The Walther name was made famous by 
James Bond, who carried a Model PPK. 
Like everything else Bond carried, it 
was a quality piece of equipment. This 
9mm P38, a German army pistol, is 
considered a general, reliable comba 
weapon. Although it doesn't have the 
“stopping power” of something like the 
big American 45, the Walther is in 
wide use and is considered by some to 
have better safety features than the 45. 


SOVIET MAKAROV 

Since Russia supports a great number 
of the world's terrorist activities, it's not 
surprising to find the Soviet Makarov 
in the hands of many hijackers and 
kidnapers. The Makarov was designed 
to be a personaldefense sidearm and 
isn't a very good choice as an offensive 
weapon. It fires а 9x 18mm cartridge 
and is not very powerful—though at 
close range it can be quite effective. 


FN BROWNING HIGH POWER 
Called "one of the most extensively 
used military pistols in the world to- 
in Small Arms of the World, this 
n-made weapon was introduced 
in 1935 and remains a standard item for 
both sides. Also, one version of this 
pistol came with a detachable wooden 
shoulder stock/holster combination to 
turn it into a reliable firearm for long- 
distance shooting. 


M61 SKORPION 

This tiny weapon—one of the е 
fully automatic pistols—is considered 
inferior by some firearms experts, but 
it is deadly at close range. It was de- 
signed by Miroslav Rybář for Czechoslo- 
vakia. The Skorpion fires the small, 
relatively low-velocity 7.65mm cartridge 
(muzzle velocity, about 1000 feet per 
second), but since it fires at a rate of 
more than 850 rounds per minute, it is 
extremely effective. 


МР40 SUBMACHINE GUN 


One of the reasons for the recent pop- 
ularity of this German weapon is mere 
accessibility: More than 1,000,000 of 
them were made between 1940 and 
1944. The MP40 was a refinement of 
the MP38, more popular because it was 
cheaper to manufacture and safer to 
handle. The cartridge is 9mm, which 
els at 1300 feet per second. The 
operates at about 500 rounds 


STEN MARK 11 
Although the early Stens had many 
shortcomings,” according to Small Arms 
of the World, "they were just as effec- 


tive in killing people.” Apparently, the 
terrorists agree, since they've been 
known to use this British-made subma- 
chine gun, which has been manufac- 
tured in enormous quantities. It fires а 
9mm cartridge at about 540 rounds per 
minute and is, consequently, a. good 
close-range weapon. 


АКМ RIFLE 

This rifle was made by M. T. Kalash- 
nikov, the same Soviet designer who 
created the infamous AK47 used by 
Viet Cong against American soldiers 
during the Vietnam war. The AKM 
was introduced 1959 and, at 6.9 
pounds, it is lighter than the АКА? (9.5 
pounds) AKseries w the 
most readily available small arms in the 
world: Some 30,000,000 to 50,000,000 
have been produced and terrorists find 
them extremely easy to acquire. 


BERETTA MODEL 38/42 
Although Italy was the first country 
to put a pistol-caliber machine gun into 
ar use (the Villar Perosa in 1915), 
it's not particularly famous for its weap- 
ons. The rifle that killed John Kennedy 
was Italian, and some experts thought it 
wasn't capable of making those shots. 
On the other hand, the 9mm 38/42 was 
considered one of the best submachine 
guns in World War Two. It has a re- 
spectable rate of fire (550 rounds per 
minute) and is light and casy to use. 


THE GOOD GUYS 


INGRAM M10 
This scaled-down submachine gun is 
a deadly, sophisticated American-made 
firearm designed by Gordon B. Ingram 
to take the .45-caliber АСР and 9mm 
Parabellum cartridges. It is also capable 
of accepting the Sionics noise suppres- 
sor (remember the mailman’s silencer in 
Three Days of the Condor?). Due to the 
light weight of the bolt, the M10 has a 
firing rate of 1200 rounds per minute. 


M21 SNIPER RIFLE 

Because the enemy can't detect them 
until it's too late, snipers play a key 
role in antiterrorist raids. With the 
equipment pictured here—an Ameri- 
can-made M21 fitted with a Sionics noise 
suppressor and a large scope—the snip- 
er can lie in wait hundreds of yards 
away and kill a terrorist, often without 
endangering the hostages. 


STERLING MARK 5 

This British-made weapon is a 9mm 
submachine gun, and it is truly si- 
lenced. The thick casing at its front 
conceals 72 small holes drilled in the 
barrel to dissipate es slowly. In a 
normal rifle, the gases would escape 
with explosive speed, causing a "blast" 
sound. Furthermore, the Sterling fires a 
subsonic round (1000 feet per second) to 
eliminate the sonic crack. 


HECKLER & KOCH MP5SD2 

This German-built weapon made world 
history when it was used against the 
Black September terrorists during the 
1972 Olympic kidnaping. It works on 
the same basic principle as the Ster- 
ling (see above). The West German 
antiterrorists have probably developed 
the widest range of weapons and tech- 
niques outside Israel, primarily due to 
an enormous budget and excellent 
tsmen. The machinists of Heckler 
& Koch came from the Mauser factory. 


COLT XM177E2 
This American-made weapon, carried 
by “special troops” during the Vietnam 
war, has а variety of uses—for sniping, 


assault and even grenade launching ( 


has an 11.5-inch barrel for that very 
purpose). Although no longer b 
manufactured, the XM177 submachine 
gun series (wi 
variants) is still in wide use among 
antiterrorist troops. 


HECKLER & KOCH G3SG/1 
When a sniper fires his rifle, one of 
the key factors in success is the steadi- 
ness of hand, This sniping rifle, 
which is extremely popular among Ger- 
man antiterrorists, has a very precise 
trigger adjustment. It is a modified 
version of a standard German rifle 
called the G3 and is considered one of 
the finest sniper rifles available. 


MARK | HAND-FIRING DEVICE 
"There's much confusion about silenced 
weapons. Some have true silencers, 
which tend to require low-velocity 
small-caliber ammunition, whereas oth- 
ers have suppressors that merely reduce 
the muzzle blast and confuse the enemy 
about the location of the sound. The 
American-made weapon pictured here 
is a truly silenced pistol—one that 
reportedly has found covert use on both 
sides of the terrorist wars. 


GALIL ASSAULT RIFLE 

Like most Israeli weapons, the 5.56mm 
Galil is ingenious in design: Built into 
the rifle, for example, are a bottle open- 
er (just forward of the magazine) and a 
barbed-wire cutter (part of the bipod 
mechanism). The rifle has a grenade 
launcher and an illuminated front sight 
for night shooting. This weapon fires 
650 rounds per minute at 3000 feet per 
second and was used to free the hos- 
tages at Entebbe. 


195 


PLAYBOY 


196 


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exactly good tactics). Then, when they 
opened fire, they could not even shoot 
straight (half of them missed) and, as a 
result, the nine Israeli hostages were 
shot dead by the terrorists, who then 
blew up and burned the choppers. 

The failure was unnecessary. Only 50 
miles away were two superbly trained 
elite German army units, the Alpinists, 
who had the proper equipment and ex- 
pertise to perform a successful rescue. 
But due to jurisdictional rivalries be- 
tween. West Germany's semiautonomous 
Länder (states) and the constitutionally 
weak central government, Bavarian and 
Munich authorities insisted upon using 
their own ill-suited police. The Alpin- 
ists were passed over again when Bonn 
decided to establish an antiterrorist 
force. Rather than use the Alpinist bat- 
talions, the West German government 
chose to create a new unit within the 
framework of its Bundesgrenzschut 
Federal Border Guard. Since there were 
already eight. Grenzschutzgruppen, the 
unit was simply designated Group Nine. 

Unlike the other strike forces, which 
are army units, Group Nine is essentially 
a police outfit, and it lacks the esprit 
and the tradition of the military. ‘The 
green, slightly baggy Border Guard uni- 
forms are reminiscent of forest rang 
rather than commandos, and the officers 
and men mingle easily with a minimum 
of military-style formality. But what 
Group Nine may lack in military gung 
ho, it more than makes up in equipment 
and expertise. Provided with a liberal 
annual budget of $1,000,000, it is out- 
fitted with a wealth of weapons, vehicles 
and electronic gadgets that makes Group 
Nine the envy of the other strike lorces. 
Rather than having only one basic hand- 
gun and attack rifle (as do the other 
units), Group Nine has at least two or 
three weapons in each. category, so that 
the very best can be chosen for any given 
situation. The same applies to transpor 

i Group Nine owns everything 
from luxurious Mercedes JSE sedans 
especially modified for stability at high 
speeds to a squadron of U. $. and French 
helicopters custom-made to Group Nine's 
high standards. 

Alone among the strike forces, Group 
Nine places great emphasis on academic 
training. A typical day lasts 14 hours or 
more, with several hours spent studying 
law, criminology, psychology and politi- 
cal science, as well as keeping up to date 
on the developments within the terrorist 
movements throughout the world. One 
Israeli antiterrorist expert who visited 
Group Nine told me, “They eat and 
sleep terrorism.” 

Even so, reg 
jurisdictions, well as old rivalries, 
have kept Group Nine out of most of 
the real action. The unit has been 


s 


onal and constitutional 


forced to stand by helplessly while local 
cops and the federal criminal police at- 
tempt to cope with West Germany's ur 
ban terrorists. In fact, in the five years 
since its creation, Group Nine has been 
in action only once—at Мор; Only 
7 of its 180 members were involved 
and the entire assault and rescue opera 
tion, from the tossing of stun grenades 
to the complete evacuation of the pas 
sengers, took a grand total of six min- 
utes. The crucial shootout lasted le 
than a minute. Understandably, the lack 


of action has frustrated the troopers 
When a grateful woman passenger com- 
plimented a Group Nine member on the 
smoothness of the rescue, he shrugged 
he growled 


ой the praise. “It should I 
“We trained long enough! 

Visiting the Black Berets while they 
were on a full exercise among the scrub 
pines and swamps of Georgia, 1 gained 
the impression that they would rank 
among the finest antiterrorist troopers 
in the world if only they had the prop 
er equipment and training. Sadly, they 
have neither. But they do have outstand- 
The Black Berets 
neuvers, and 
they 
ctu 


ing commando skills 
are almost constantly on ma 
once they enter the exercise 
behave as if they were under 
arene butts are 
footprints 


combat conditions: С 
ficld-stripped 
long a trail are obliterated with the 
sweep of a tree branch, face and hands 
red with blackand-green night- 
ds are post- 
ism, they are 


buried, 


are sm 
fighter cream, perimeter gu: 
ed. As an added bit of re 
also usually hunted by an "enemy" force, 


as 1 learned on my visit. 

To reach the remote area of Georg 
Fort Stewart, where the Black Berets 
were training, I was given the use of the 
commanding general's helicopter. Com- 
ing in low, the chopper put me down in 
a clearing at the precise coordinates on 
the map, where I was to be met by a 
Black Beret officer, But the helicopter, 
whose highly polished olivedrab exte- 


rior indicated it w 
per, immediately c 
of a squad of г 
searchin 
1 had ha 
strange white object fell about five or ten 
meters away. It was а practice hand gre- 
nade— practice or not, it exploded with 
a huge bang. We quickly took cover 
The Black Beret officer tossed one back 


no ordinary chop: 
ght the attention 
gular enemy infantry 
he woods for the Black Berets. 


dly met the officer before a 


toward a line of bushes from which came 
the sounds of men moving about. In 
reply, a second grenade w 
on our posi 


istled down 
n, detoi 


ing a few me 
us. Then a voice called out, 


Defiantly, we did not reply. More 
sounds of men rushing about reached 
us from the tree line. Then clicks and 
assorted. metallic noises. Next came the 


loud chatter of two machine guns ac- 
companied by the sharp twang of M-16 
We were caught in an intersecting field 
of fire, and if our opponents had been 
firing live ammunition instead of blanks, 
we would, indeed, have been very dead. 
Since the two of us were faced with 
impossible odds, the Black Beret officer 
stepped from our hiding place into the 
open and the troopers positioned along 


the tee line came eagerly forward to sce 
they had captured 
To their disappointment, they dis- 


covered they had not taken the gene 
or even a Black Beret officer but just a 
i j list who was immune from 
s was his escort office 
* said one of the men, 
зе а Black Beret, 
1 would've gotten me a day off.” 
Under an informal cease-fire, I went 
with the Black Beret officer down a clay 
trail that led alongside a dense pine 
woods. We jumped ov ditch and 
though my untrained eyes still could not 
detect anything unusual, we quickly en- 
countered perimeter guards who were 
lying under bushes, М-165 at the ready. 
Most of the other men were stretched 
out under small nets that they had tie 
between the pines and festooned w 
pine needles and. fern leaves to disguise 
their positions from the 
Six Black Berets were sitting in a clus- 
ter of pine trees. While the high-ranking 


nd 


Army officers are reluctant even to di 
cuss the topic of terrorism, the corporals 
and sergeants were eager to talk about 
the threat and their conversations indi- 
cated they had read on the subject and 
followed the news closely. They w 
acquainted with my book The Hit Team, 
the story of the Israeli revenge for the 
massacre in Munich, which was excerpted 
n the August 1976 issue of PLAYBOY. 
They were curious about the foreign anti- 
terrorist teams and asked me about them. 
It was unfortunately evident tl the 
fighting man's level, they received little 
or no official information about our 
allies’ efforts. I was pained to say how 
much better equipped and trained the 
other units were than our own Rangi 

The men chatted quietly about an 
exercise they had carried out the da 
before. It had been a raid on a small 
compound, built for taining purposes 
in the huge expanses of Fort Stew: 
The object had been to rescue two pilots 
captured by the enemy. "We got in and 
out before the guards knew what hit 
them,” said а corporal, smiling. But the 
men were disappointed that helicopters 
had not been available for the opera- 
tion; instead, they had had to use trucks. 
“That detracted from the realism, 
mented a serge: y seemed an 
outrageous blunder that dedicated men 
like those would not be provided with 
the very best weapons and instructioi 


т». 


Even so, when I asked the Black Berets 
if they felt they could handle a terrorist 
incident or a skyjacking, they see 
confident. “If we have the right | 
ship and planning,” said a sergeant. 


As we talked, I could not help but 
contrast in my mind the quiet confidence 
of the Black Berets with the ambiguity 


After announcing the start of Project 
Blue Light, the White House seems to 
have lost interest. Meanwhile, the Pen- 
tagon continues to oscillate between 
mindless optimism about American anti- 
terrorist capabi and a refusal to be 
more specific about the (rue American 
capabilities. As far as combating terror- 
ism goes, that is the worst possible posi- 
tion. And none of the ranking gene 
in chai of antiterrorism has had ac- 
tual experience with the subject. 

In reality, antiterrorist doctrine bears 
a strong similarity to nuclear strategy. 
Nuclear weapons are valueless as a de 
terrent unless the other side knows you 
have them and are willing to use them, 
The same applies to a successful. anti- 
terrorist policy, Obviously, the terrorists 
should never be told the innermost se 
crets of an. American strike force. But 
they should have no doubt whatsoever 
that one exists and that the White House 
would € the guts to use it. 


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PLAYBOY 


198 


Rothschild usua from page 150) 


“In 


1911, the Rothschild insurance 


company in 


England declined to insure the Titanic.” 


g 
RI s's diamond empire in South 
Africa; they bought a Russian petroleum 
concession (which they later sold for 


hares in the Royal Dutch Shell combine) 
that made them the chief competitors to 
Rockefeller’s Standard Ой, In 
Nathaniel 
Jewish peer. The new 


1885, 
became Britain's first 
Lord Rothschild 


gave the best parties of his time 


Baron 


Charity had become a major activity 
of the family in all the capitals, Hos 
pitals, schools and museums with the 


Rothschild name were built throughout 


Europe. In London, the police always 


knew they could get a hot meal at Lord 


Rothschild’s near Piccadilly: and for 


years, the Rothschild carriages were giv 


en right of way on London streets, The 


family pet goat was allowed to roam 


freely through Piccadilly Circus. 
Nathaniel's b 


Rothschild to develop a passion for auto 


her Leo was the first 


mobiles, and he founded the Royal 


Automobile Club and pushed for a new 


?0-mph speed limit. Another brother 
Alfred, threw himself into the arts and 
entertainment on a lavish scale. Eve 
nings at Alfred's included 2005, circuses 


and symphony orchestras hired especially 


Liszt tinkled the 


10 for the 


for the occasion Roth 
schild pi 
Alfred a 


carriage 


guests’ amusement 


» drove around London in a 


pulled by four zebras and left 
Almina of Car 


von, who looked around for somethin 


his fortune to Countess 


to invest her cash in and decided to back 


an expedition by Lord Carnarvon, 


promptly unearthed King Tut's toml 


“But can't you see how dangerous 
it is? The price of wheat will be forced 
down, and then a lot of people will be able to buy bread 
and then—well, all the economists 


and. 


think it's very dangerous." 


Back in France 
bank 

n interest 
£ 6,000,000 in helping 


Alphonse and Gustave 
Edmond plunge 


ran the while 


into his o а Jewish homelanc 
He invested over 
Jewish settlers migrate to Palestine (thus 
paving the way for the eventual state of 
Isracl), He made three trips to Palestine 


between 1887 and 1899 aboard his pala 


tial yacht. He would dock it in the port 
of Jaffa and invite the farmers and 
migrants aboard to sample the yacht's 
kosher kitchen 

The Rothschilds were ahead of their 


times with respect to social welfare. In 


London, I Rothschild provided all 
his estate workers with free medical 
benefits, free housing and old-age pen 
sions. Later, during the Depression, it 
was said that few, if any, Rothschild 


employees lost their jobs 
In 1911, the Rothschild insurance com 
pany in England declined to insure thc 


newest and bi 


st passenger ship, the 


Titanic, "It seemed too big to float 


Lord Rothschild explained later 
Lionel Walter, Lord. Rothschild's first 
son, was elected to Parliament and made 


one speech his first year on the subject of 


undersized fish 
Baron Henri, a grandson of the Na 


thaniel who had bought Mouton, became 


a doctor and invented the modern am 


bulance, which he put into service for 


France during World War One. He was 
also a playwright under the 


André 


the Eros around the 


pen name 


Pascal and steered 
Mediterranean, He 


hts and 


stocked it with playwr pretty 


girls. His second son was named Phi 


lippe, and he was born in Paris in 1902 
Biograp! 
the 19th Century, the 


ег Morton 


that during 
Rothschild family 
billion 


amassed ап te of six 


dollars 
. 


links do you feel toward the 


"What 


rest of your family, toward 
asked 


afternoon of our second ¢ 


your an 


cestor?” I Baron Philippe the 
lay, We 


Mouton vineyards 


were 


walking thro 


alone. 1 ipes had been harvested 


and occasionally Philippe would sw 


walking 


his polished сапе at a dead 
гаре leaf 
1 like to think I'm a 


Rothschild," he beg: 


self-made 
an slowly, "I hardly 
ever saw my mother or father. 1 was an 
idolescent during World War One and 
my father was spending all his time with 
his ambulances. My mother, too, was 
away from home, helping to set up the 


ambulance service, I was seventeen by 


the time they returned. My father was 


not very interested in young people 
They frightened him, in fact. And I 


never became close to my mother 


either 

So I didn't know very much about the 
Rothschild traditions. 

But as I've grown older, I've acquired 


22 


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a tremendous respect for my ancestors. 
What they achieved through the Nine- 
teenth Century is beyond words, really. 
There have been few families in history 
to compare with us, The only one I can 
think of is the Medicis—and they didn't 
st as long as the Rothschilds. No other. 
I know of no other, unless you look to 
the royal families . . . perhaps the 
Bourbons." 

“Do you ever find yourself wondering 
if you've inherited certain family traits— 
the kind that have been written about in 
books and plays?” 

Philippe threw back his head and 
laughed. Rajah, the baron’s pet hound, 
looked back at us curiously. 

"Thats too romantic, much too ro- 
mantic. I'd love to be able to say I 
recognize myself in Lionel and his zebra- 
drawn carriage. Charming. I would love 
to say it, but I'd be pulling my own leg. 
Here, R 

Rajah is a dog with utterly no respect 
for his master, In the week we spent at 
Mouton, with servants and businessmen 
virtually bowing their way out of the 
baron's presence, never did we see Rajah 
obey a command. Now the dog scurried 
off between the rows of vines. 

“What about your feclings toward the 
rest of the family today? Do any of the 
old traditions prevail? 

"No, not really," he answered, swiping 
again at a vine. "Except for weddings, 
and so forth, we don't see much of 
one another. My cousins, don't forget, 
nkers, businessmen, I don't like 
the word businessman. My brain isn't 
angled that way 


We had walked to the edge of his 
property. Several feet beyond a 
ditch 


arrow 

vas the beginning of the Lafite 
ards, "There was no separation, no 
fence. The vines looked identical. About 
three quarters of a mile in the distance, 
partly obscured by trees, was Cháteau 
Lafite, looking like a traditional French 
castle. It was shuttered. 

"Of course,” the baron said pensively, 
staring at Lafite, "you might say we are 
still linked by the notion that we should 
behave in a certain way and that what- 
ever one does reflects on the others, That 
is unusual today, because prominent 
families—even in politics—don't have 
those kinds of checks on their behavior; 
someone isn't necessarily judged by what 
other members of his family may do. 

“We are cousins now, we 
Rothschilds, so we can have our own 
personal feelings toward one another. 
We have been an entity for nearly two 
hundred years, and that no doubt has an 
influence on us, even if we don't think 

t. No doubt influences our 
or. We still keep alive the notion 
that we have responsibilities to one 
another. 

We turned back toward Chateau Mou- 
ton. Philippe pointed to the tallest struc- 


200 ture on the landscape, about three miles 


away. It was an oil-refinery tower. 

“Look at that!” he said disgustedly. 
“A Shell refinery next to the best vines 
in the world! I started to fight it after 
1945—alone. No one else would help 
me, not the merchants, not the other 
growers, not my cousins. The local poli- 
ticians did nothing. I deeply criticize 
them! If there were a court-martial for 
vandalism, I would take them before 
it! Shell employs three hundred people, 
they said. Well, I alone employ just as 
many. We won't know for fifty years 
what the effect of the refinery is, but 
what shortsightedness! Mouton means 
everything to me, but Lafite means little 
financially to the banking Rothschilds.” 

“Still, why didn’t they come to your 
aid when you asked? 

“Ah, who knows?” Philippe s 
terly. “Well, perhaps one does. After all, 
they did inherit rge portfolio of stock 
in Royal Dutch Shell, But so did I!" 

It was a beautiful sunset, As we 
pproached the chateau, Philippe's mood 
brightened. 

"Do you want to know how I first 
heard stories about my family? I spent 
some h my aunt Jane, my fa- 
ther's sister, She was considered some- 
thing of a pariah by the family. She had 
married an n Jew everybody. dis- 
approved of, The marriage lasted a week, 
though she never gave up on her faith- 
less husband. It was she who told me 
endless stories about the family, and it 
was through her that I began to get some 
notion of the Rothschilds. I remember 
that she gave up his bedroom for me— 
the very room where she had what was 
probably the single act of love in her 
entire life, How is that for romance? 

“Do you remember when you first felt 
like a Rothschild?” 

Philippe frowned for a moment and 
thought, rubbing at his fringe of hair. 

"Possibly, possibly. I recall one in- 
stance that may be difficult for others to 
understand. I entered grammar school 
early in the century. Motorcars had just 
begun to replace horse-di i 
and for hundreds of 
people had ridden in carriages with li 
cried coachmen, footmen and sometimes 
riders for the horses as well. So when I 
was driven to school in an open c 
there were two people all dressed up in 
livery and braids to accompany me. It 
felt terribly odd and made me seem dif- 
ferent from children who arrived by 
horse, bus or on foot.” 

It was getting to be time for high tea, 
so we headed for the château gates. 
Philippe paused. 

“But to return to your first question 
he said. “Family links? They been 
a problem since Cain and Abel. My 
cousins’ raison d'étre is banking. On my 
tombstone, I should like to have en- 
ved the word poet." 

He turned to call his dog. 
"Here, Rajah! Here, Rajah 


d bit- 


Rajah trotted off in the opposite 

direction. 
e 

Before dinner, as we gathered for 
champagne, Thia and I presented the 
baron with our house gift, It had been 
topic of concern before we left the 
States. At long last, someone who lit- 
erally does have everything. We decided 
something silly w the solution, A 
friend suggested a bottle of Ripple. But 
on the basis of the baron’s prior inter- 


est in PLAYBOY, we decided on a sweat 
shirt with a Rabbit head on it. 

The baron and the Rabbit head hit it 
off, He unwrapped the package and 


laughed and pulled the sweat shirt over 
his silk jellaba. Joan looked so pleased 
at the proceedings that we gave her the 
extra. Rabbit shirt we had brought. She 
swore she would do something special 
with it. Later, as was the custom, the 
house gifts were placed for viewing on 
a couch in the living room. I strongly 
doubt two sweat shirts with giant Rabbit 
heads have ever been laid so carefully 
upon a priceless Queen Anne sc 

Another cheerful and improbable din- 
ner. Roast duck and a procession 
wines that included a Cheval Blanc 
а Lafite “44 and, incredibly, a Mout 
Rothschild '11. The wine lived and, 
with it, the extraordinary feeling that we 
were connecting with a time 66 years 
ago, when William Howard Taft was 
President of the United States and E, 
rope dozed before World War One, . . . 
In the present, Joan was in fine form. 
She was recalling a night at the theater 
with hard-drinking Irish playwright 
Brendan Behan, 

"Brendan was in his cups, roaring with 
laughter at his own lines from the 
front row. One of those very British 
queers came up to our seats, He had two 
tiny, yipping dogs with him. The queer 
said, ‘I see you laugh at your own jokes, 
Brendan.’ Bren looked at him out of 
blood-red eyes and said, "Yes. But at 
least I don’ suck me own dogs.’ Then he 
turned to me and said, “I must be а fook- 
in’ genius.’ He was, у know 

When the 1911 Mouton-Rothschild ar- 
rived with the third course, I drank it 
very slowly, inhaling the aroma and 
swishing it around in my mouth, Thia 
and I looked at each other with wide 
eyes. Philippe merely drank 
trying to explain to him how delicious 
it was. Philippe laughed. 

“My winemaster used to have a list of 
two hundred and filty adjectives that ex- 
perts and writers and others use to de- 
scribe their experience with wine,” he 
said. "You've used one of them. Try a few 
more. There's no wine without words.” 

The baron did have a couple of rules, 
For one thing, he said, he never offers 
guests hard liquor. It’s available if they 
request it, but he feels that nothing dulls 
a palate like a shot of whiskey or gin. He 


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202 


was particularly appalled that Americans 
invariably ordered cocktails at good res- 
taurants before their wine but thinks the 
custom is dying among the younger gen- 
eration, And he absolutely refuses to be 
drawn into comparisons of California 
wines and Bordeaux (though he does 
compare them when he gets excited 
enough). 

“Wines from differet 
be compared,” he said, “any more th 
Burgundies and clarets can be compared, 
or apples and oranges. One can only 
express preferences." 

What about those blind taste tests 
which certain California wines were di 
ed superior to е of the best 
French Bordeaux? 

Philippe looked at me pityingly. "For 
one thing, California wines are made 
ı а fourteen. percent alcoholic con- 
tent, which is two percent higher than 
French wines. How can you compare the 
two? On a bottle of California wine, you 
may get drunk, On a bottle of Bordeaux, 
never! In the second place"—his voice 
went up an octave—"what аге we talk- 
ing about? Red wine, white wine, fine 
individual wines or plonk? Of cours 
there are some fine wines in Californi; 
But I'm a Bordeaux man, and that's 
that—until the day I taste something 
better." 

Some other wine lore, via the Baron 
of Rothschild: Carrying a wine less than 
ten years old flat in а basket before un- 


areas should not 


corking is simply pretension, At that 
a wine has no sediment. 
also should be allowed to breathe longer 
than very old wines, 
drunk almost immed 
should be drunk very cold, 
wines should be drunk at room temper- 
ature—though this refers to Europ 
style chilly rooms, 
To Philippe, this means about 60 de- 

i good 
shouldn't be drunk with salad that con- 
taste may 
пе. Same goes for hig] 
ba 
h the restau 
1 bit of wine before it is 


grees. A 


nctior 


Dinner br 


and of the 


The next morning, R: 
ppe's cellarmaster, took us on 
nd its cellars, 


Phi 


of the chateau 
side a vast whitewashed building: spe 


“Well, we feel that 
what two consenting adults and their 
pet elephant do in the privacy of their own 
bedroom is their own business 


and no one else's... . 


ns vinega 
overwhelm the w 
ly seasoned food. 

ne, has no patience wi 
ritual of tastin 
poured out to the diners. 
act.” he says. 


vinegar 


the 


al 


er 


red 


“It's 


which should be 
. White wines 


ile r 


on 


On many 
e sent a bottle back even 
has given it his 
ke up about midnight. I 
went to bed and dreamed of 
in antique cars with liveried chauffeurs 

Good Queen Mum looking 
on in sympathy. 


itle boys 


Blondin, 
our 
rst, in- 


1 


ge. 
Young wines 


n- 
merican ovens. 


wine 


for 


ll an 
ny wine steward worth 
his salt will have smelled the cork him- 
self to determine if the wine is accept- 
able. He has no business approaching 
the table with corked м 
occasions, 1 ha 
alter the sommelier 


oak casks, enough for the chûteau's out- 
put of 250,000 bottles, lined up in rows 
like pews in a white cathedral. Then, to 
one side, the enormous fermenting vats 
where the wine from the most recent 
harvest was stored. We climbed up oı 

one of them. Thia asked Raoul, a ruddy- 
faced, good-humored man, if we could 
have a sip. He wrestled open a large 
faucet and let some purple liquid trickle 
into a couple of glasses. 

“What an honor,” Thi 
drinking the newest 
schild!” 

“Ah, non, non, madame,” Raoul said 
vehemently, “You are not expressing 
yourself correctly, What you are drink 
ing now is grape juice. In five years, it 
will be wine. In twenty-five years, it will 
be Mouton-Rothschild!” 

I searched his face to see if this were 
a standard little joke Raoul had for 
tourists, but he seemed serious. He added 
that we were the only ones besides the 
baron and himself to have tasted this 
vintage. He hadn't yet formed an opin 
п of the 1976 or 1977 wine, but he was 
predicting that 1975 would be the best 
vintage since World War Two. 

“My son will know if 1 am right by 
the turn of the century,” he г rked. 
», he definitely wasn't kidding. Raoul's 
father had been the baron's first cellar- 
master, 

Then it was on to the caves them- 
selves, the cellars, 

Along the walls leading to the cell: 
were hung spidery old vines, dry 
brittle and cerily beautiful, Raoul ex. 
plained, as we walked behind him, that 
some of the vines hung high on the 
walls dated back to the days before Phyl- 
loxera—the vine disease that wiped out 
most of the French vineyards at the end 
of the 19th Century. It was then, he said, 
that French growers imported hardy 
roots from California and grafted them 
onto the French roots. Raoul laughed, 
as if he knew how California wine was 
ound the dining-room table 
teau Mouton, and said, “Imag- 
most French Bordeaux today comes 
from а California root,” 

The cellars are huge catacombs first 
excavated in 1854, They are lit by elec- 
tric Candles in holders on the walls and 
are cold, dank and musty. There are 
racks upon racks of bottles, with fun 
growing everywhere; as Sir Alexander 
Fleming commented during a visit, there 
is a fortune in penicillin in the on's 
cellars. The cobwebbing and fungus got 
thicker as we proceeded deeper into the 
caves, for the deeper we went, the 
farther back we went in time. Raoul, 
ty in the daylight, became quieter, 
almost reverent as we approached the 
darker recesses. The 1920 bottles. The 
1910s. We paused, Raoul patted a f 
ile, blackened bottle of 1900. 

“One wonders how it lived,” he said, 


said, “We're 
Mouton-Roth- 


nd 


"what it went through, what history it 
has seen." 

We were in the cellars’ private re- 
serves, which are normally off limits to 
visitors. On racks that stretched to the 
rool of the caves were 24 bottles of cach 
vintage, plus five magnums and two 
giant jeroboams—for historical refer- 
ence only. And some 5000 bottles for the 
family's private use. There were fewer 
tl 10 bottles. We had 
drunk three the night before last. . . . 

Raoul 


d us stories about special 
bottles of wine: The baron had sent De 
Gaulle ап 1859 vintage—one of eight 
boules left, over 90 years old at the 
time. It was still lively, said Raoul, who 
1 tasted it, In the early Sixties, Khru- 
shehev was sent a couple of bottles of 
1880, “Probably never even knew what he 
was getting.” Raoul sniffed. I felt even 
guiltier about the bottle of 1911. 
. 

The next afternoon, the baron drove 
Thia, Philippine, Julien, Rajah and me 
to the beach on the Bay of Biscay, About 
30 seconds into the trip, I b 
der how the baron had lived so long, 
He was hitting 80 on a narrow country 
road. He had his goggles on and sat far 
back from the wheel of the Mercedes, 
his arms extended in race«driver fashion, 
(Of course, he had been a racecar driv- 
I'd seen the trophies.) 

People along the road scattered as the 


n to won 


baron leaned on his horn: one bicycle 
rider landed in a ditch. But as I looked. 
back, I saw most of them wave. With 
an unamused shake of her head, Philip- 
pine explained that most people in the 
region knew very well that her father 
drove like а demon and everyone was 
only too happy to get out of the w 
Julien loved his grandfather's speed, but 
Rajah howled. 

"Quiet, Rajah!" the baron yelled. 
Rajah howled louder. 

At the beach, we disembarked, took 
off our shoes and began to walk along 
the sand. Philippe. as always, bran- 
dished his cane, adjusted his poncho and 
set the pace, Thia and Philippine walked 
together, Julien and Rajah trotted off 
and Philippe and I talked about his life. 

We began by discussing his love for 
sports, especially cars, since 1 was still 
dizzy trom the ride, As ly as the 
Twenties, Philippe recalled, he already 
had a vast number of cars, including a 
succession of Bugattis, He discovered a 
"wonderful gift for driving, which I 
still have," and began entering races. 
During the Twenties, he won second 
places at the Grand Prix of. Germany 
and the Grand Prix of Spain 
in fourth at the Grand Prix of Mon: 
He had two close encounters with 
ath—a steering wheel from his Bu- 
broke off in his hands in Spain and 


his Stutz Bearcat caught fire at Le 
Mans—so he decided to give it up. 

At the same time, he had taken up 
sailing, which he did seriously every 
summer from 1920 to 1939. He entered 
his boat and crew in the 1928 Olympics 
at Amsterdam and came in eighth out of 
35. "It was gale weather," he said. "The 
Nordics were better trained for the 
rough мий. We had a crack crew for 
light weather, and I'm sure we would 
have won if it had remained fair.” He 
added that he һа» a very good hand 
anything that can be steered—the helm 
of a boat, the wheel of a car, the wheel 
ol a bobsled. A bobsled? 

“Yes. We were nearly the world cham 
pions in the early Thirties, at St-Moritz 
We broke the record on our first two 
runs, then turned over at the end of our 
third and final run,” 

Hadn't he started out to be a scien 
им? 

"Yes, I got my degree in science, in 
physics. In college, I had spent most of 
my time in the labs I became very 
interested in the link between electricity 
ard optics. In my opinion, I did noth- 
ing of any great interest, but I am told 
some of the work I did in optics was 
later used in spectroscopes. 1 also be 
came a member of the Curie Foundation 
and sat through a number of meetings 
with Madame Curie. But still and all, 
alter a while, I realized E did not w 


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PLAYBOY 


206 


to make my career in science, 1 wanted 
10 do other things, have fun." 

And so? 

"That’s when I got involved in show 
business. I had worked with my father 
on some plays he wrote, but I had also 
studied architecture and design, and 
when my father told me he was planning 
a large new theater at Place Pigalle, I 
threw myself into it, I helped design 
and build the theater—we were the first 
Paris theater to use electric spotlights 
and later bec While I 
was there, we produced plays by Sacha 
Guitry, Jules Romains and Jean Girau- 
doux and opened the door to the new 
wave of playwrights 


me its director 


But by 1931, 1 began to become fas. 
cinated by a newer form of dramatic ex 
pression: films. Pictures had been talking 
for only a couple of years and no sound 
films had yet been made in France. So 
1 produced an early French ‘talkie’—and 
one of the first French films to be shown 
internationally. It was called Lac aux 
Dames—Ladies’ Lake—and was a we 
mendous success. C 


lette wrote the dia- 
log, Mare Allégret directed and it starred 


Jean-Pierre Aumont and Simone Simon— 
a lady I would have fallen madly in love 
with except that І was in love with an- 
other actress at the time. I worked on all 
aspects of the film—including butting in 
on the director." 

What came next? 

Well, there really wasn't any ‘next,’ 
because throughout that time, 1 was 
caught up with the real love of my life: 
Mouton, and its wine. Unless, of course, 
you consider my poetry and my transla- 
Lions. Or my museum. But they came 
much later." 

Of course. 

“Anyway, shortly after I moved per 
manently to Mouton in 1922, I was hor- 
rified to find that wine was being put 
in casks and the casks were sent to Bor 
deaux for bouling. I decided instantly 
that if my wine were to retain its char 
acter, the wine should be bottled here 
at the chiteau under my control and 
seal, Our family had run the operation 
for years from a distance, and Mouton 
Rothschild had long been recognized as 
one of the world's leading wines, but 
converting to а system of bottling in 


"I understand the Americans are spraying 
some noxious chemical on the money they've been 
paying us for our marijuana!” 


the chateau proved to be a colossal 
task. The merchants attacked me and my 
Lafite cousins hesitated for a year before 
deciding to back me up. But at last I 
managed to persuade the owners of the 
three other premiers crus to adopt chi 
teau bottling. Today, wine authorities 
are still trying to make the system com- 
pulsory throughout France. 

“By 1921, I had my first chateau- 
bottled label. By the way, that label was 
in itself revolutionary: It had a cubist 
n on it. I suspended the artistic 
designs in 1936, but I picked up the idea 
As you probably 
know, every label since 1945 has been 
ned by one of the world’s lead 
ing artists —Picasso, Braque, Motherwell, 
(A Beverly Hills wine store, 
al hubris, in 
ch Mouton 
te price of 


des 


| after the war. 


desi 


ind so оп 
in а moment of ocnolog 
1977, offered one bottle 
since 1945 for the а 
0.000 for the 

How do you pay the artists, while 
we're on the subject? 

"I don't. We barter. 1 get their design, 
they get cases of my wine—their favor- 
ge—plus а supply of the year 
for which they designed the label, when 
the wine matures. Anyway, Mouton was 
always a labor of love, It wasn't even 
profitable, with very few exceptions, 
until around 1960. 

"My great battle was to have Mouton 
reclassified to its proper status, In 1855, 


zer 


? bottles.) 


йе vint 


when the Bordeaux wines were classified 
for the first and. presumably only time, 
only four were 
while 
among the second growths. My 
grandfather's bought Lafite 
twelve years later and found they were 
one up on Mouton. My ndf 
ther was so angry that he created the 
Mouton-Rothschild motto: ‘Premier ne 
puis, second ne daigne, Mouton je suis." 
‘I cannot be first, I disdain to be second, 
I am Mouton.’ But Mout 
a fraction below Lafite until I took over 
in 1922. From then on, it sold as high, 
sometimes higher. And prices are an 
exact reflection of the quality of the 
wine, Yet it still took another five dec 
ades of lobbying and. pressure to prove 
М last 1 won. In the 


ranked as premier cru, 
Mouton was classified as first 


cousins 


п was selling 


was obvious. 


special reclassification of 1973, Mou. 
ton—and Mouton alone—was put in its 
proper category, alphabetically among 


the first four premiers crus of France. An 
act of justice and a sweet victor 

What about Mouton-Cadet, since th 
what many 


Us 


nize from 


Americans recog 
your advertisements? 

“My advertisements, yes. Remember, 
please, that we advertise only Mouton- 
Cadet, Mouton-Rothschild, which bears 
my name, is never advertised. It is be 
neath its dignity. Well, what happened 
was that we had some hard years between 
1930 and 1932. The wine was thin, too 
thin to be bottled as Mouton-Roth 
schild. Someone suggested almost as а 


joke that we bottle a Mouton Junior. 
Junior in French is cadet. We blended 
the three harvests with some other good- 
quality Bordeaux wines and the name 
stuck. Today, Mouton-Cadet contains 
very little wine from my own vineyards. 
It is a blend of several good Bordeaux, 
a pleasant mélange. I drink it myself.” 

What happened to Mouton—and to 
you—during World War Two? 

“Well, I was an officer in the air force. 
When France fell, I had the misfortune 
to be laid up with a broken leg. But I 
got away, escaped to Morocco. We all 
hoped that the colonies would carry on 
the fight, but the Vichy puppets were 
already installed and I was arrested. I 
spent six months in jail, only to be es 
corted back to Vichy France and im- 
prisoned there. When a Vichy court set 
me free, I skipped, made my way on foot 
over the Pyrenees, hitched a ride on a 
plane to England and joined De Gaulle 
and the Free French. In 1944, I landed 
on the Normandy beaches with the Sec- 
ond British Army and, as soon as I could, 
1 set out to look for my wile, Lili, and 
our daughter, Philippine. 1 found that 
Lili had been arrested, betrayed by a 
domestic. She was not a Jew, but because 
she was married to me, she was sent to 
an unknown concentration camp. I 
traced her from camp to camp, and fi- 
nally 1 found out that she had died in 
Ravensbrück, month before the war 
ended. She had been thrown into the 
oven, aliv 

“Mouton itself was occupied by the 
German army and became the head- 
quarters for its antiaircraft network. The 
Vichy puppets had nationalized Lafite 
and Mouton as Jewish properties. ‘The 
Germans appointed a wine Führer, a 
certain Heinz Bómers, to watch over 
wine production in the Bordeaux region. 
The Nazi higher-ups had a respect for 
Mouton, so the cellars were not looted— 
they were keeping our wine for their 
victory, After the liberation, I got back 
in time for the harvest. It was the famous 
vintage with the V on the label—1945, а 
fine year. 

“FIL tell you something interesting 
about that period. I got a letter in 1950 
from Bömers, asking me if he might 
become my wine representative in Ger- 
many. I still remembered Lili's death— 
to say nothing of the holocaust—and 
said, no, 1 wanted no German repre- 
sentative. I got another letter from him 
in 1960, repeating his request. I said no 
again. Well, here it is, 1977. 1 have an 
agent in Germany. He is Julius Bómers, 
son of Heinz, who died in the Sixties.” 

Philippe was remarried in 1954, to 
the former Pauline Potter of Baltimore, 
an American blue blood who had begun 
a career as a dress designer with Наше 
Carnegie. It was she who converted the 
stables at Mouton into the showcase of 
art it is today, and together they planned 
the wine museum on the chateau 


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Gary Gilmore's net worth went 
straight up the moment he 
went down before a firing 
squad in Utah two years ago. 
February Ой! reports how his 
friends, relatives and asso 
ciates have been making a 
killing off him ever since— 
folks like Norman Mailer and 
ABC. Then, Susan Squire 
looks at Erica Jong, Gael 
Greene and other Women 
Who Write Dirty to see if their 
personal lives are as hot as 
their books. Ou! also takes you 
back through 25 insanity-filled 
years of Mad magazine, and 
cross-country through the Ten 
Toughest Towns in America. 
Plus; some advice on living 
with a liberated woman, some 
liberated women to set your 
sights on, a guide to SLR au- 
tomatic cameras and muc 
more. All in February OUI. 


property: a collection of frescoes, tapes- 
tries, jewel-encrusted cups, mosaics—any 
piece of artwork that has anything to do 
with grapes or wine. Guide Michelin tells 
its readers it is worth а detour by itself. It 
was also Pauline who brought Philippe 
out of a kind of isolation, initiating the 
dinners and weekends at Mouton. that 
became a tradition and invitations to 
ıt after. 

as we continued. our walk 


which became sou 

That day, 
on the beach, over a year after Pauline's 
death, Philippe could not keep from 
weeping as he told me about her. To edge 
him off the topic, I be 
women in general and asked him for his 
thoughts. 

Ah, yes. Amitiés amoureuses 
friendships. 1 always had them, all my 
life. Pauline knew how much I was at 
tracted to women." A quick glance down 
the beach to where his daughter was 
strolling with my wife. "Things can be 
done, you know, if they are done with 


an talking about 


ving 


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cate handling. When a couple has shown 
its strength by surviving many, ah, de- 
tours, then. you've achieved one of the 
most important things in life. Because 
а couple that lives together for decades 
and decades is entitled to need—now 
and then—breathing spaces that can re 
new the couple 

So it goes both ways? The woman has 
the same rights as the man? 

"Women have equal 
though they have different physiologies 
A woman can fall in love and be claimed 
by passion, whereas a man can make love 
with sentimental indifference. I've seen 
the proof of it—women becoming overly 
involved with me—and I've handled a 
great many women in my life. But, as in 
all things involving love, there are no 
generalizations,” 

Once again, we had talked until dusk 
Time to return to Mouton for tea. Phi 
lippe made a few stubborn attempts to 
get Rajah’s attention and was impassive 
when Julien, with a soft whistle, got the 
dog to bound up to the boy with slob 


rights—even 


bering, wet face kisses. We bundled into 
the car and Philippe took off in a thick 
cloud of sand and smoke, wheels spin- 
ning madly. 

. 

More dinners, more wine, more terrific 
conversation, By Friday night, we had 
progressed to a Mouton-Rothschild 1900 
for the third course, which made me 
want to go to confession the next d 
Quail, trout, filet au. poivre, indescrit 
ble desserts. Philippine had promised to 
send us tickets to her stage production of 
Harold and Maude, in French, when it 
came to New York. Lars wanted Thia 
and me to meet him and Ingrid in Paris 
on our way back to the States. (Me and 
Ingrid Bergman . . . in Paris? Would 
Sam be there, too? What had I done to 
deserve all this?) And Joan, as always, 
indefatigable: At least one portion of 


bread she'd been served was fit only “for 
Viennese rats,” she declared, at which 
Philippe let out another roar of dis- 
pleasure. Comment 


g on the domestic 
eagerness to please: ""Thia, child, be sure 
you don't fall asleep in the tub with 
your hand outside the You're 
liable to wake up and find your finger- 
nails polished.” 

During those meals, I was able to fit 
together some of the last pieces of Phi 
lippe’s life. In the company of others 
he was less forthcoming, but he talked 
modestly about his poetry 
love sonnets—for which he had won sev- 
eral literary awards; his increased inter- 
est in early Eli which 
led to his translating such poets as 


water, 


-most of it 


bet 


ın poetry, 


Donne, who had thitherto been ри 
lished only in centuryold transla 
tions. His books on the Elizabethans 
were required reading at the Sorbonne, 
Philippine pointed out. His most recent 
project, just published, was a full trans 
lation of Tamburlaine the Great, also 
destined for the co 
And then, during a quiet moment over 
dessert, when even Joan remained mute 
some soft-spoken thoughts on the future 
of his lovely country life 
“Yes, it may soon be over 


е lists. 


1 don't think 
living this way, for however few years 
1 have left, is normal. In any case, I 
don't think future generations will have 
the dilemma, simply because they will 
not have the means. Taxes today are so 
heavy, death duties so expensive, that it 
will be impossible to carry on this sort 
of life. "The family fortunes are dwin 
dling, 
possible fifty years а 
sible for us." 


t least here i 


Europe. What was 
0 is no longer pos- 


If you feel it's not normal, don't 


you sce a contradiction in continuing 
this lovely but lavish way of living? 

“I have to admit I live with a certain 
panache here, but don’t forget that Cha 
1 Mouton is a very special place. We 
produce something of exceptionally high 
quality. So it’s normal that this product 
should be supported by a mystique, a 
background of elegance and luxury living. 
1t is for show. It is part of the handling of 
the wine, its wrapping. It fits into the 
mythology of the chateau and it is felt 
right down to the lowest workman. 

“You notice that my servants call me 
Monsieur le Baron. Fine. But I have 
never used the Baron in my other pro 
fessions: not when I raced, or sailed, or 
produced motion pictures, or published 
books. It is strictly for public relations, 
for the wine. And the people here at thc 
cháteau and in the region surrounding it 
understand this and support it, But, as 1 
say, it is nearly over. 

A silence. Then Joan: "Enough senti- 
mental crap. You men go swig some of 
the baron's wretched brandy." 

. 
n, Rothschild. How do 
your own life 


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sitting by his bed the next morning. He 
was in pajamas, his back against a couple 
of large pillows, a portable writing desk 
over his lap. 

"I'm a Frenchman and a Rothschild,” 
he said. "And a Jew well behind the 
A pause 
brought up as a Catholic, as І prc 
her mother. It was just as well, since it 
saved her life during the war. She is 
bringing up her children as she 
pleases. Now, understand, I'm not saying 
I would be thrilled if Julien grew up to 
become the archbishop of Bordeaux.” 

I tell him that I find that interesting 
because most people would 
Rothschild would be very aware of his 
Jewish background, especially because of 


two others.” “Philippine was 


nised 


assume a 


the family history and because of the 
Rothschild role in creating Israel 

“It’s the same thing Т said in regard 
to my family. We may not be close on a 
dayo 


зу basis, but if ever we have to 
pull together, . . . It's like this: The 
minute a Jew is attacked because he's a 
Jew, 1 would rank being Jewish in the 
first place. For that reason, | support 
Israel, Israel is the answer to 
the answer to pogroms, the answer to 
concentration camps and the hideous 
martyrdom to which Jews have been 
born. But since I am also French, I must 
remember that France was a colonial 


Vaziism, 


power for а hundred and fifty years and 
cannot ignore the A 
France of having become anti-Israel, but 
I think it is merely a subtle political 
position taken by the government, which 
is neither pro-Arab nor pro-Israeli. 1 do 
not disapprove, provided there is no 
harm done to Israel." 

I ask him if his cousins are more sup 
portive of Israel than he is 

"In some sense, yes, because my cousins 
are in a position to give support. 1 am 
not.” 

Why? 

“Because they have more means. They 
are the financiers. You will remember 
that I referred to myself as self-made. 
That is relative, of course, but the truth 
is that, having started as one of the rich 
est of the Rothschilds, my father let his 
fortune dwindle, He was not well in his 
later years, was not capable of managing 
his own affairs, When he died, there were 
по more yachts or motorcars. Here at 
Mouton, I built myself up from what was 
left, I like to think that through creation 
and innovation I just happen to have 
come up with a profitable business." 

It was the first chip in the fairy tale. 
The baron's resources were not, and are 
not, limitless. While his cousins’ wealth 
may yet be large enough to 
to the younger generations, Philippe's is 
not—though it is now larger than what 
was left to him. 


bs. Some accuse 


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There is a sensitivity to the question of 
wealth—or to the flaunting of it—that 
emerges when the topic is probed, I asked 
him about a story on CBS' 60 Minutes 


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210 


that was aired several years There 
was a brief interview with Philippe and 
Pauline, some film of the chateau and its 
cellars and a scene that produced out 
among viewers: Rajah was shown being 
served a prepared meal on a silver dish 
by a butler. I mentioned this to Philippe 
He became intensely agitated. 

‘Lam delig 
to me. I was very, very cross and am 
still cross with the CBS people! I loathe 
that film! It was very naughty! They did 


ited you put the question 


that behind my back; it was done to 


ior and I re 
sented it deeply! It shocked everyone 
here. The film crew asked some stupid 


show bad, dirty misbe 


servant, | don't know which one, to 
bring Rajah's meal down on a silver tray 
that particular. day 
like all dogs in the world 
carried. down to him in а normal dish 


The dog is served 


his meal is 


wrapped in a towel. We were horrified 
when we saw that on television! I am 
1 


bout the lav 


happy to set the record straight 


Philippe's ambivalence 


ish life is a m 


k of his personality 
He is proud not to be a businessman like 
his cousins yet is equally proud that he 
built up his wine business. He speaks of 
himself as а man of the progressive left 


yet betrays »stalgia for feudalism and 


royalty, He claims not to be much af 
fected by his family tradition, but it's 
hard to spend any amount of time 
around him without plunging into his 
tory, He is above having to prove any 


thing to anyone yet cannot resist a bit of 


showing off to a visiting journalist 


Philippe had hinted several times tl 


he had something special planned foi 
at the chátceau. As I left 


his bedside that morni I wondered 


our last evenir 


what could be more special than what 
we'd already experienced, Then it oc 
curred to me that there was something 
about the way he was talking to me 


about his life, something about the 


ascenc 


quality of the meals and. the 


эде of the wines that seemed to be build. 


ing to a climax. It was almost theatrical 
With a magazine journalist as his audi 
ence, Baron Philippe, at 76, was taking 
some curtain calls. 
B 
The last supper was held in Petit 
Mouton, the small Victorian castle 1 had 


looked for the day we arrived. The 


guests were in their Saturday-night best 
and even Philippe had brought out his 
finest jellaba for the occasion. Petit 
Mouton is very nearly camp: Its red 
fabric walls make it a ruby jewel box, 
festooned with paintings in ornate 


frames. There are settees embroidered 


in gold, great Oriental ottomans and 
thick brocade pillows piled everywhere 
Thia and 1 had to 


share the guestof-honor spots with a 


w the first time 


friend of the family: Jacques Chaban 
Delmas, De Gaulle's prime minister and 
now president of the National Assembly 


He arrived with his wife, and waiters 


“Now she's on top!" 


ushered us to our seats. I was at one end 
of the table with Chaban-Delmas, his 
wife and Thia were at the other end, on 
either side of Philippe. Joan had not 
yet arrived, so the first course was served. 


as 1 a 


empted small talk with the 
president 

Outside the dining room, there were 
whispers from some of the servants 
Suddenly, at the doorway, an appa 
ritic Joan Littlewood in a Bunny 
costume. Bunny Joan had spent the after 


n with the cháteau's se 


stress, creat 


pair of cars and а tail of wadded 


that had been stitched to the 


1 given her. Posed in 


the doorway, with a couple of 1 


ap т al- 
bit ears flopping over her brow, Joan's 


mad version of a Bunny was riveti 

As the entire table turned to look 
at her, there was a moment of horrified 
silence—it seemed to me that the for 
mer premier of France's jaw was on his 


and then Philippe began to 
1 


collarbone 
laugh, a le 


taken up by everyone else. Joan sat de 


long horsela 


gh that was 


murely down at her place at the table 


with only a slight smile on her lips, re 


moved the ears and took a sip of Margaux 

The ministerial ice was broken and 
Chaban-Delmas and 1 began to talk. 1 
asked. him about his experiences with De 
Gaulle. After the second glass of Mar 


ux, he launched into an imitation of 


his mentor 


Chaban,” the general said to me, ‘I 
» to Washington and 


ung Kennedy lad. Does 


want you to 


check out this y 


he th Has he a vision This was 
1961, and after 1 had been in Wash 
ton a few days, President Kennedy 
asked me about the general. ‘I'm sup 


posed to meet him this spring, as you 
know, th 
iwe of 
monument,’ ‘Well,’ 1 replied, ‘all you 
have to do is visit him exactly as you 


€ President said, “but I'm in 


m. He is like some sort of 


would visit a monument: with the ut 
most respect and a minimum of famil 
iarity 

The political 


gossip and the conversa 
tion around the table were so engrossir 


I hadn't glanced at the menu, When 
the third course arrived, І looked up to 
see Raoul approaching the head of the 
a decanter in his hands, 1 
smiled at him, but he only nodded sol 


table wi 


emnly, He leaned over to the right of 


the baron and poured into his glass. 1 


finally looked down at the small menu 
with the familiar arrows at the top. The 
third wine of the evening was a М 
Rothschild 1878 

1 took a couple of hesitant, trembling 
sips. By then, my palate was pretty fair 
1 would have known if the wine had 
faded. It had not. It is difficult to зер 


е the atmosphere of the moment 
from the pure taste of the wine, but to 
this day, 1 


" certain it was the most 
delicious liquid ever to enter my body 


The baron's daughter was impressed, 


ere the other guests. Chaban-Delmas, 
shaking his head, lifted his glass in a 


silent toast to Philippe at the other end 
of the table. Still stunned, I followed 
suit. Philippe lifted his glass, grinned 

ге, messieurs 


slightly and said, "I apoloj 


It isn't quite 
old." Then he took a sip himself, licked 
his lips and remarked, "C'est un bon vin." 

The rest of that night, and the morn- 
ing of our departure, blurred past. After 
dinner, Chaban-Delmas and his wife left 
ind. Joan and Thia decided to organize 
a bilingual game of charades. 1 made up 
1 charade for Philippe to act out: the 
Mouton motto, ending with that grand 


a hundred years 


and arrog 
have a memory of that night: the guests 
T 
mans and sofas inside a jewel box of a 
Victorian castle, with Joan's Bunny ears 
back on and the on ol Rothschild 
ily pounding the floor with his 
Iking stick—the only pantomime he 
felt adequately conveyed the charade 


nt phrase Mouton je suis. I 


nged in two teams, seated on otto 


E 


1 am Mouton. His team was stupid not 
id he told them so 
when his time ran out and he flung 
aside his cane in frustration. 

. 


to guess it instantly, а 


The entire май was n lined up 


outside the cháteau gates as we prepared 


to leave on a bright Sunday morning 
Thia had all her embossed menus in onc 
hand and a parting gift of Mouton 
brandy (prepared exclusively (ог the 
baron and his guests from Rothschild 


ilippe and I had 


apes) in the other. P 


been chatting about all the years we 
had covered in our talks and about how 
impressed I had been to hear of the many 


careers he had tried. We were standing 


by the car 


You know, riend,” he said 


quietly, “every man has many strings for 
his bow. A man should find the best 
string for his bow as he grows older. 1 
ne deeply into different 


ghout my life, but I have only 


may have 


areas throu 


followed through profoundly in my love 


y wine. I do not know 


for poetry and 
about the future. I « 


not know how 
this society will change. 1 am not op. 


timistic about its long-term future. But 


1 believe there is still room for men of 
eccentricities—whether they be astro 
nauts or poets or winegrowers.” 

Those were pretty much his parting 
words. The man does have a good sensc 
of theater. We drove down the pebbly 
road and I turned to wave. The servants 
were waving at us, still in a line in front 
of the gates. Off to one side, H 
lippe was bent over, his poncho billow 


ron Phi 


ing in the wind. He was slapping his 


inst his thighs, calling ener 
getically to Rajah. The dog, 


ing 
a very old 


ig 


him, continued to gnaw on 


vine. 


Next time you're in Mexico, stop by and visit the Cuervo fabrica in Tequila. 


Since 1795 we ve 
welcomed our guests 


with our best. 
A traditional taste 
of Cuervo Gold. 


Visitors to Cuervo have always been 
greeted in a special way. 

Theyre met at the gates and invited inside 
xperience the unique taste of Cuervo Gold. 
This is the way weve said “welcome” 
for more than 180 years. And it is as 

traditional as Cuervo Gold itself. 

For this dedication to tradition is what 
makes Cuervo Gold truly special. Neat, on 
the rocks, with a splash of soda, in a perfect 
Sunrise or Margarita, Cuervo Gold will 
bring you back to a time when quality ruled 
the world. 


VL 


Cuervo. The Gold standard since 1795. 


CUERVO ESPE 


ALB TEQUILA. 80 PROOF IMPORTED AND BOTTLED BY © 1978 HEUBLEIN. INC, HARTFORD, CONN. 


PLAYBOY 


212 


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Z \P \l- AY BOY S 


UY WHAT'S HAPPENING, WHERE IT’S HAPPENING AND WHO'S MAKING IT HAPPEN 


GADGETS 
PEEP SLEEP SHOW AND GO 


Above left: A portable microscope with light provides up to 30 times magnification and features a thumb-wheel focusing adjustment for ultraclear 
viewing, by Panasonic, $19.95. Above right: Marsona 1200 sound conditioner electronically re-creates the sound of rain and surf, by Marpac, $130. 


Above: Mykit System 5 is a kit that enables the user to conduct 50 different electronic experi- 
ments, by Takahashi International, $34.95. Right: A battery-powered walnut gearshift knob with 
a push-button readout for hours, minutes, seconds and day of month, by Time-Shift, $47.95. 


HABITAT. 
WOOLLY FOR YOU 


hen it's time for cold-weather cuddling, nothing beats a hefty wool blanket—as our little tale of woe (or is it woo? 
demonstrates below. Sure, there are plenty of electric models available that will keep you and your bed partner toasty as 
two bagels on long, cold winter nights. But they don’t have the panache of something soft and fuzzy that, say, the Hudson’s 
Bay Company of Canada imported from England back in 1779 and still does today. Quick, everybody, head for covers! 


Above: Who knows what fate awaits our damsel in distress about to be 
turned out into the cruel world for not coming across with, ah, the rent? 
It’s a good thing she’s all wrapped up in a Storm King wool blanket, by 
Baron Woolen Mills, $36.95. Right: Foiled again, says our villain, for here 
comes a Mountie to rescue what's inside that English-made four-point 
(72° x 90") Hudson's Bay woolly blanket, from Woolrich, about $90. 


Left: Out goes old simple Simon Legree, and none too soon, what with 
that wool 64° x 80" Chief Joseph Indian Robe blanket, by Pendleton 
Woolen Mills, $69, beginning to slip down milady's creamy thighs. 
Above: The Royal Canadian has latched onto something good beneath 
that king-sized hand-woven and hem-stitched wool blanket, by The 
Three Weavers, $115. Who says the Mounties get only their man? 


GEA 


CUT ABOVE THE AVERAGE 


aybe knife throwirig isn't your thing, but if you spend 


time in the kitchen, you'll have a real edge on your 


chores if you stock up on a variety of razor-sharp 
cutlery, Hint: Look for blades, such as the ones pic- 


By the numbers: 1. Handy 4” chef's 
knife, by J. A. Henckels, $17. 
2. Wusthof's 8" cook's knife, from 
The Professional Kitchen, $25.50. 


3. Bunmei 6” chopper for vegeta- 
bles, etc., by Osawa, $25.4. Wüst- 


Professional Kitchen, $16.50. 


hof 6" sandwich knife, from Тһе” 


tured here, that contain a mixture of carbon and stainless steel. 
Carbon steel is easy to sharpen and keep sharp; stainless steel, 
obviously, helps keep the blades from staining. So don't just stand 
there being dull, get cutting! 


—HOLLIS WAYNE 


5. French-made Euroc 11" carv- 
ing/slicing knife, from Manhattan 
Ad Hoc, $35.6. Bunmei rustproof 
10° roast slicer, by Osawa, $25. 


7. Razor-sharp 8” roast and fowl 
knife, by W. R. Case & Sons, 
$9.25. 8. Hand-honed 8" chef's 
knife, by J. A. Henckels, $36. 


215 


Оп а Clear Day.... 

Ordinarily, an attractive woman walking her dog would get a modicum of 
pedestrian reaction, but 1977 Playmate of the Year PATTI MC GUIRE out with 
bowser stopped traffic in polyurethane pants with nonfogging vents. 


The Last Battalion 

Actress GLORIA SWANSON' film career spanned six decades, and while the 
fans were busy corralling eight-by-ten glossies of her, she was busy rounding 
up shoes. Swanson currently has 400 pairs in stock. Git along, little doggies. 


GRAPEVINE 


E 
É 


Sisterhood 

We don't claim it ranks with kicking open the door to King 
Tut's tomb, but we've uncovered this decidedly uncharac- 
teristic shot of Oscar-winning sisters JOAN FONTAINE 
and OLIVIA DE HAVILLAND in cozy togetherness. It was 
taken three years ago during a brief lull in the ongoing battle 
of the siblings. The public is now girding itself for a two- 
pronged literary assault, as both Fontaine and De Havilland 
will have “authorized” autobiographies in the bookstores 
this year. You pays your money and you takes your choice. 


E 
i 
$ 


Cylons, Please! 

Watch out, Farrah and Cheryl. You've got competition from 
the outer reaches of the galaxy. DIRK BENEDICT, who plays 
Starbuck on the hit TV show “Battlestar Galactica,” is now 
also starring on a Pro Arts poster, which should provide equal 
time to the ladies who may not know art but who definitely 
know what they like. Where does an alien go to register? 


Three Outs 

When you've got it, flaunt it. And even if you don't, what the 
hell, flaunt it anyway. From top to bottom: Charlie's Angel 
CHERYL LADD, the recently reconstituted CHER, escorted 
by Steve Rubell of Studio 54 (left) and David Geffen of 
Warner Records (right), and ALI MAC GRAW dancing with 
Larry Spangler. If this is а trend, we're for it. If this is liber- 
ation, we're for it. Whatever it is that's going on, we're for it. 


< 
4 
45 


A Rumor of War 

Direct from secret paramilitary maneuvers in the Berkshires to the Bread and Roses 
Festival in Berkeley last fall came JONI MITCHELL fashionable in military drag. Is this 
the beginning of a major rock offensive against disco? Quién sabe? But after a major 
break from the concert scene, Mitchell looks ready to make the long march. 


Mercy, Bocuse! 

Who's breaking up the great chefs of Europe? It's that irrepressible fresser MEL 
BROOKS checking out the three-star kitchen of master chef PAUL BOCUSE 
(left), who's discovered that the only way to turn Brooks off is to stick a spoon in 
his mouth. Brooks dropped in while he was in Europe for a “High Anxiety” premiere. 


SSMEYER /SYGMA 


PPE LEDRU /: 


217 


PLAYBOY’S ROVING EYE 


More Disco Decadence 


Ever since “Roving Eye” showed you the in- 
side of Studio 54 last September, you've prob- 
ably been thinking that only the rich and 
famous get to act strange and take off their 
clothes in public. Wrong. Everybody's doing 
it, as these pictures show. What you see here is 
Le Clique—a theatrical traveling disco—and 
some of its helpless victims. If you're lucky, 
the wild ones of Le Clique will visit a disco 
near you or produce a party just for you! 


220 


———— ЫЫ 


ҮАКЕТҮ-ҮАК 


True or false? Girls talk earlier than boys. 
In the Thirties and Forties, studies gave girls 
the edge; but later research indicated no 
sex differences in speech. Now Columbia 
University’s Barnard College Toddler Cen- 


This plastic wall-sculpture calendar is 
the perfect item to keep you abreast of 
things. It’s $9.95 from Paradyme, 55 Lewis 
Street, Greenwich, Connecticut 06830. 


ter says that female tots excel in “mean 
length of utterance.” That's not rude gossip, 
it's a measure of word skills. The Barnard 
researchers explain that the previous 
studies showing no difference used inferior 
testing techniques. Their work gives girls 
the first word, but who gets the last? 


SEX SNOOZE 


Birds do it and bees do it and, judging 
from our mail, most of our readers do it 


How about you? Stories keep surfacing 
about asexual chic and the new celibacy. 
So we thought we'd find out what the buzz 
was. Dr. Shirley Zussman of the American 
Association of Sex Educators, Counselors 
and Therapists says that more than 50 per 
cent of persons applying for sex counseling 
today complain of low interest in sexual 
relations. Eight years ago, she says, the fig- 
ure was a mere 14 percent. Dr. Zussman 
suspects that people are humbled by the 
prospect of competing with media sex 
symbols. They think they have to be great 
sex performers and when they're not, they 
lose interest. Our guess is they've all taken 
up jogging. 


SEND IN THE CLONES 


And while we're on the subject, no sex 
means no procreation. For continuing the 
species, Sex News offers the Clone Yourself 
kit with complete cloning instructions, 
clone culture medium, Petri dish and clone 
birth certificate. Kit costs $4.95 in stores or 
from Tongue In Cheek, Inc., 6828 М 
Lakewood, Chicago, Illinois 60626. If that 
doesn't work, try 100 pounds of clay 


BLUENOSE OUT OF JOINT 


Last May, Sex News reported that angry 
men were likely to become more aggres 
sive if they watched hard-core porno flicks, 
while soft-core material tended to soothe 
the savage. Now the same holds true for 
women, says Purdue University’s Robert A 
Baron, who tested 45 undergraduate 
women for a link between aggression and 
sexual arousal. Baron took two groups of 
women, angered one group (by having 
other students criticize them unfairly), then 
showed varying degrees of erotic pictures 
to both groups. At the end of the viewing, 
the researchers let the women electrically 
shock the critical students. Aggression was 
measured by the intensity and frequency of 
the shocks and also by questionnaire. It 
turned out that the women who were al- 
ready angry and who also had seen hard- 
core erotic pictures were most likely to zap 


the victims. Researchers suggest that it ac- 
tually may take less sexual arousal to make 
women angry than men. So the lesson is: If 
either of you is hot under the collar, better 
keep your shirt on. 


COPPER PENNIES 


Like the proverbial copper penny, female 
cops bring luck to their male beat partners. 
Michigan State University psychologist 
Andrew Barclay reports that male police 
officers who have female partners are less 
likely to be killed in action than are those 


Nowadays, Polish posters are almost as 
big as Polish sausages. This one is not in the 
collection that will soon tour the U. S. under. 
the auspices of the Smithsonian Institution. 


with male partners. In a study, lawmen re- 
sponded with blank gunshots to simulated 
life-death emergencies. The cops with 
female partners responded more quickly 
Researchers speculated that the cops might 
feel а heightened emotional arousal with 
female jobmates. If only Wyatt Earp 

had known that at the OK Corral a 


These are pages from Bumbooziana, a Swiftian send-up by Donald Friend. Its erotic illustrations detail the bizarre, sex-filled customs of creatures 
great and small in that mythical land. Gryphon Books of Austra 


а has published Bumbooziana as а two-volume set for $900— 


punt "em, $900. 


“One, two, three—say, this must be the fourplay 
I've heard so much about." 


221 


LUCAS BOLS 
... as famous 
as Rembrandt. 
And older. 


On the docks of Old Amster- 
dam, master distiller Lucas 
Bols gathered the world's most 
exotic flavor essences Írom 
the trade routes of Dutch 
mariners. 

With ап artist's skill, he 
blended nature's delicate crea- 
tions and the finest ingredients 
into flavorful liquid pastels. 
Each the very portrait of 
perfection. 

Today, we invite you to ex- 
perience the world famous 
sensation of flavor and color in 
liqueurs passed down in the 
Bols gallery. of masterpieces. 
Bols:.... preparing for your 
pleasure since 1575. 


LIQUEURS AND BRANDIES 30-78 PROOF 
PRODUCED AND BOTTLED IN THE U.S.A. UNDER 
PERSONAL SUPERVISION OF THE AMSTERDAM 
DIRECTORS * ERVEN LUCAS BOLS DISTILLING 

COMPANY, LOUISVILLE, КҮ. 


NEXT MONTH: 


“GOOD AS GOLD"—FIRST OF TWO INSTALLMENTS OF A FUNNY, 
FUNNY NEW NOVEL BY THE AUTHOR OF CATCH-22 AND SOMETHING 
HAPPENED—JOSEPH HELLER 


“THE PLAYBOY REPORT ON AMERICAN MEN''—SO THAT'S 
WHAT EVERYBODY'S THINKING (AND DOING) OUT THERE! RE 
SULTS OF A HARRIS POLL COMMISSIONED BY PLAYBOY 


“THE PSYCHE AND THE STARTING GRID'"—AS YOU MAY 
HAVE SU TED, PROFESSIONAL RACE DRIVERS ARE NOT EX 
ACTLY EVERYMAN. SOME OF THEM ARE, IN FACT, SINGULAF 

SAY THE LEAST. HERE'S WHY—BY KEITH JOHNSGAR 
CHARLES FOX. PLUS: A REVEALING INTERVIEW WITH ONE OF 
THE BEST OF THEM, MARIO ANDRETTI—BY PETER MANSO 


“THERE ARE TIMES 1 WISH IT HADN'T HAPPENED"'—A 
WARMLY PERSONAL ACCOUNT OF THE HIGH PRICE FAME HAS 
EXACTED FROM THE AUTHOR OF ROOTS—ALEX HALEY 


“PRO CHEERLEADERS REVISITED"—ONCE WORD GOT OUT 
THAT THEY'D BEEN PHOTOGRAPHED FOR PLAYBOY, THE STRANG- 
EST THINGS STARTED HAPPENING TO N.F.L. CHEERLEADERS— 
LIKE BEING FIRED. WORDS AND PICTURES ON THOSE LOVELIES 


“LIFE INSIDE THE CONGRESSIONAL COOKIE JAR"-—BI 
ZARRE EXAMPLES OF HIGH-PRESSURE LOBBYING, INCLUDING 
THE TALE OF THE NIGHT HE MET THE "AWL COMPANY” PRES- 
IDENT, BY THE CONTROVERSIAL EX-SENATOR FROM SOUTH 
DAKOTA—JAMES ABOUREZK 


“ALL THE BIRDS COME HOME TO ROOST"—EVER THINK 
YOU'D LIKE A REPLAY WITH A WOMAN FROM YOUR PAST N'T 
DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT TILL YOU READ THIS IRONIC HORROR 
STORY BY HARLAN ELLISON 


“COMEDY CLUBS"—OUR DEATH-DEFYING CONTRIBUTOR 
SPENT FIVE WEEKS LISTENING TO AMATEUR COMICS AND FIVE 
MINUTES BEING ONE—BY CRAIG VETTER 


“PLAYBOY’S GUIDE TO THE COMPLETE SHOE WARD- 
ROBE"'—TO HELP YOUR FEET DO THEIR STUFF, A SOLE-STIRRING 
OVERVIEW—BY DAVID PLATT 


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