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The Burger Court 
ARE THE SUPREMES 
OUT OF TUNE WITH 

THE TIMES? 


Music Awards Special 


UNFORGETTABLE 
PHOTOS OF 
A DREAM GIRL 


GETTING IT ON 
IN THE SECOND CITY 


Based on latest U.S. Government Report: 


Carlton 


is lowest. 


See how Carlton stacks 
down in tar. Look at the latest Co % x 
U.S. Government figures for: 


Е Ey ir 
Winston Lights — — Е 13 09 
Vantage 11 08_ 
Salem Lights 10 08 
Merit __ 8 06 
Kent Golden Lights 8 07 ^to t han 
True 5 04 
Carlton Soft Pack T 701 / 1 mg. 
Carlton Menthol less than 1 01 “ tan 
Carlton Box less than 0.5 0.05 < 


Of all brands, lowest... Carlton Box: Less than 0.5 mg. tar. 
0.05 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette, FTC Report May '78. 


Carlton. 


Filter & Menthol 


The lighter 
1005. 


| Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 


Box: Less than 0.5 mg. "ta; 0.05 mg. nicotine; 

Soft Pack and Menthol: 1 mg. "tar" 0.1 mg. nicotine. 
av. per cigarette, FTC Report May 78. 100 mm: 5 mg. 
“чаг 0.5 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method 


That Cigarette Smoking ls Dangerous to Your Health. 


Until now, the station wagon's 5 5 С С p Г 1 1 | | F E 
place was near the home. Sure it was TO OUR WAGON 
great for picking upthe kids and shopping. e 


But when the going got tough, the station 
wagon didn't have what it took to get going: four wheel drive. 

Our remarkably inexpensive Subaru wagon, on the other hand, is like having 
two cars in one. 

Besides full-time front wheel drive, at a flick of a lever from inside the car, it swings 
right into four wheel drive. Something that makes our wagon at home even when it's far, 
far away from home. 

What's more, the Subaru 4 wheel drive wagon has plenty of room and delivers great 
gas mileage. An estimated 34 highway mpg and 95 estimated city mpg using lower 
cost regular gas. (In Calif., it's 32 estimated hwy. and ©? estimated City mpg using 
unleaded)* 

We look at it this way. There are times you want to get away from it all. 
Shouldn't your station wagon go with you. 

For your nearest Subaru dealer 
call 800-243-6000 toll free. 


ZISTO EPA estimates for our 4 wheel drive vehicle. Use 
Sclimated city mpg (ог comparisons Your mileage may differ 
fing oF driving speed. weather сопашоп and trip 
mileage will probably be less than hwy, 
mutes ү "De ess in heavy trac. > 
00 Continental U.S only 


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Curious these Americans. 
Many pass judgment on an imported gin before trying all three. 


To decide оп one of the great imported English gins But, rather than invest in an entire bottle, order your 

without sampling all three is like marrying next drink made with Bombay. 

the first man or woman who comes along. B ba Judge for yourself. 

It might work out, but what might you have The gentle gin If you still prefer another, what have you 

missed? One ofthe3 great gins 10817 But if you favor Bombay, think what 
We'd hate you to miss out on the gentle gin. — imported from England. you might have lost. 


WE HAVE A CERTAIN amount of control over two of our three 
branches of Government. The President and our legislators 
are elected by us. But the Supreme Court, the final arbiter of 

ight and wrong in this country, is appointed by the Presi- 
dent, and approved by the Senate. The system works when the 
the interests of the people in mind. Unfortunately, 
current Court was largely hand-picked by Richard Nixon 
at the height of his “law and order” frenzy and still reflects a 
lot of his thinking in its judgments. Just what effect this i 
ng on American justice is surveyed by Robert Sherrill in his 
article, Injustices of the Burger Court. There's not much you 
can do about it, but you should know what you're up against. 

You can, however, improve your sex life. And, sometime: 
all it takes is a move to a different city. To help you decide 
what city might be best for you, we continue our series on the 
sexual climate between the coasts. This month, it's Sex in 
America: Chicago, and our weatherman is Assistant Editor 
Walter L. Lowe. By the way, this series was suggested to PLAYBOY 
by Gay Tolese. He also gave us permission to borrow the 
working title from his forthcoming book, a journalistic tour 
de force on sexual behavior during the past decade or more. 

"There's no business for meteoric rises and. precipitous falls 
like show business. Last year, one Las Vegas comedian found 
that out the hard way. George Kirby, on his way to being a 
superstar, was busted and convicted of trafficking in heroin 
and found himself not a superstar but a statistic. Joel Dreyfuss 
chronicles his descent into oblivion in When You Play with 
Fire... . Alan Magee provided the illustration. 

Our man just about everywhere, Reg Potterton, showed up in 
the Caribbean just in time for Antigua Race Weck, an event 
thought by its officials to be a week of sailboat racing, But the 
nts know better. To them, it’s a weeklong party. 
Potterton captures the local color in Captains Outrageous! 
Ignacio Gomer illustrated the festivities. 

Just across the Caribbean, we rejoin the hero of Joseph 
Heller's new novel, Good as Gold, in a Mexican tryst with a 
twist. In our second excerpt from the book (which will be 
published by Simon & Schuster in the 17.5. and by Jonathan 
Cape in England), Gold finds himself on vacation with his 
wife and three mistresses. The results, for us at least, prove to 
be hilariou: 

"The publisher of Forbes m: ine, Malcolm Forbes, is а bal- 
loonist, a motorcycle fanatic and filthy rich. He's also the 
subject of this month's Playboy Interview. We sent writer 
Larry DuBois behind the gold curtain to gain an insight into 
rbes's gilded lifestyle and whaddaya know, he ain't your 
run-of-the-mill multimillionaire. By the way, DuBois's first 
book, Father and Son, has just been bought by Summit Books. 

The proletariat, meanwhile, is developing а style of its own, 
Or зо Dan Gerber reveals in Aesthetic Truckin’, Like, if it's 
worth doing, rth doing with panache 

Our annual salute to Tin-Pan Boulevard is ready and in 
your hands. Contributing Editor David Standish, Assistant Edi- 
tor Kote Nolan, Associate Art Director Skip Williamson and music 
writer Carl Philip Snyder collected the results of our Annual 
Music Poll as well as the fallout from last year's vinyl explo- 

n and it's all here under Playboy Music 79. 

In addition, Wayne McLoughlin illustrated Emonvel Greenberg's 
mouth-watering essay on Sausages; ageless photographer 
4. Frederick Smith shot Playmate of the Year Debra Jo Fondren; 
and Brock Yates takes us to Lotus Land, where they put to- 
gether the title auto with Old World care and New World 
power. Plus, April Playmate Missy Cleveland, Disco Queens and 
Little Annie Fanny й gogo. Get down with it. 


PLAY BILL 


POTTERTON 


PLAYBOY. 


vol. 26, no. 4—april, 1979 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 
PLAY BILL а to asta soles ines Ie EI Ie otn rero t n d 3 
RHE: WORLD: OF/PEAYBOY «iL сагабы сны аа 265036 n 
DEAR PLAY BON) слу: ежик DEA EUN OTRAS 15 
PIAYBOY/AETER HOURS ее так 2 EE 23 
PAS Gee ce EE EL US BARES AM Sic ES 31 
MOVIES: а. ERAS RE AAR E i, 40 
FELE VISOR ELS ОПА Бла Е 48 
BOOKS; sc ЕНЕГЕ зы дашы I EES E ake cee ec ас 50 
COMING ATTRACTIONS .............. 51 

THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 55 
THEIBPAYBOY/EORUM езе ае аа E IS IRR Nera 61 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: MALCOLM FORBES—candid conversation .... 75 


The adventurous and outspoken owner of Forbes magazine talks about bal- 
looning, Jimmy Carter, Ted Kennedy and, of course, money. 


INJUSTICES OF THE BURGER COURT—opinion .....ROBERT SHERRILL 110 
The author takes the Nixon Court to trial for two sex offenses: raping the 
Constitution and screwing the American public. 


Truckin’ Dilettonte 


DISCO QUEENS— pictorial 2 suo. ccs ce neh 
Hot shots of the ladies who make you go bump in the night: singers 
Lear, Flower, Madleen Kane and Grace Jones. 


SEX IN AMERICA: CHICAGO—article . а - WALTER 1. LOWE 122 
Is not easy to get very sexy—what with the mayor, the archdiocese and your 
neighbors frowning in the background. 


AESTHETIC TRUCKIN'—humor .............. 2.....БАМ GERBER 127 
With some four-wheel-drive honchos, it's more show than go. 


WHEN YOU PLAY WITH FIRE ...—article .......... JOEL DREYFUSS 128 
When comedian George Kirby moved to Las Vegas, it was boom or bust. He 
was about to boom but got busted instead. 


FAST-MOVING MISSY—playboy's playmate of the month.......... 132 
Missy Cleveland is a Mississippian tronsplanted to San Diego, which is lucky 
for us, because we didn't conduct our Great Playmate Hunt in Mississippi. 


PURELY COINCIDENTAL, CREOITS: COVER: PLAYMATE / MODEL RITA LEE, DESIGNED AND PHOTOGRAPHED OY TOU STAESLER. OTHER PHOTOGRAPHY DY: DAVID ALEXANDER. P. 102 


COVER STORY 

November 1977 Playmate Rito Lee—our nonshrinking, wosh-by-hond model—provides а 
fascinating demonstration of what it means to put it all сп the line. Executive Art Director 
Tom Staebler was the man behind the idea and the comera 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor .. 144 


GOOD AS GOLD: PART TWO—fiction -JOSEPH HELLER 146 
The hero of Heller's funniest novel since Catch-22 is back and on the run with 
а world of trouble on his tail. 


HOW DRY 1 AM!—cttire ...................... ...DAVID PLATT 149 
Don't let the wet season catch you unprepared. Check this gear and you'll be 
singin’ in the rain. 


Chicago Sex 
" 


SAUSAGES ТАКЕ OFF—food ............... EMANUEL GREENBERG 153 
They're much easier to eat than to fly, but their popularity is soaring. 


.BROCK YATES 154 


road machines he creates 


LOTUS LAND—modern living . 
Colin Chapman is a moverid 
are all power ond perfection. 


and the racing anı 


ONCE MORE WITH FONDREN—pictorial ................... » 158. 
Top New York glamor photographer J. Frederick Smith's stunning portfolio of 
Playmate of the Year Debra Јо ("My God, look at her hair!) Fondren. 


FOUR OFFENSIVE VERSES—ribald classic ............ TOM BROWN 169 
BLUE-CHIP STACKS—modern living ............................ 172 


©- 
Great new ways to store hi-fi equipment, “and a look at the latest dynamite 
campact speakers. 


CAPTAINS OUTRAGEOUS!—article ..REG POTTERTON 177 
So you think living from yacht ta yacht is easy? Dangerous, sometimes; bizarre, 
usually; but rorely easy. 


Supreme Insults 


PLAYBOY MUSIC "79—survey . 179 
We're back again with our poll winners, the year in music, hits, hypes and 
heavies: all kinds af meaningful statements on the 25th birthday cf rock 'n' roll, 
the latest addition to the Playboy Music Hall of Fame, plus lots more. Boogie! 


PLAYBOY FUNNIES—humor . 


Beautiful Clevelond 
PLAYBOY: S!PIPELINEC о а Са N cats E ces 201 
Making inflation work far you, buying video tapes, tossing a catered bash. 


PLAYBOYJPOTPOURRIS Е RESEDA SR 240 


LITTLE ANNIE FANNY—satire ..НАРУЕҮ KURTZMAN and WILL ELDER 269 


PLAYBOY ON THE SCENES TSA a EROS a a e 273 
Gadgets, Soab's new 9006. Super Sousoges Р. 153 


JERRY YULSMAM. P S1, P. 147, “GOOD AS GOLD." BY JOSEPH HELLER. COPYRIGHT C 1979 BY JOSEPH MELLER. P. MD. SCULPTURE BY CRAIG DICKERSO! 
WILLIAMSON; P. 102, тез, DON WILSON, INSERTS: COLUMBIA HOUSE CARD, BETWEEN P. 32.33, PLAYBOY CLUBS INTERNATIONAL CARD, BETWEEN Р. 266.267 


PLAYBOY 


PLAYBOY 


g 

з HUGH М. HEFNER 

EI 

d editor and publisher 

É NAT LEHRMAN associate publisher 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
ARTHUR PAUL ait director 
SHELDON WAX man 


ing editor 
GARY COLE photography director 
G. BARRY GOLSON executive editor 
TOM STAEBLER execulive агі direcior 


EDITORIAL 
ARTICLES: JAMES MORGAN editor: FICTION 
VICTORIA CHEN HAIDER editor: STAFF: WILLIAM 
J. HELMER, GRETCHEN MC NEESE, DAVID STEVENS 
senior editors: [AMES и. PETERSEN senior staff 
wriler; JOUN BLUMENTHAL, ROBERT Г. CARE, 
BARBARA NELLIS, JONN REZEK associate editors; 
WALTER L- LOWE, ҚАТЕ NOLAN, J. с. O'CONNOR 
TOM PASSAVANT, ALEXA SEHE (forum), ED WALK 
Ek assistant editors: SERVICE FEATURES: TOM 
owen modern living editor, vavi FLATT 
fashion director: CARTOONS: MICHELLE URRY 
editor: COPY: ARLENE BOLRAS editor; JACKIE 
JOHNSON FORMELLER, MARCY MARCHI, BAKI 
LYNN NASH, SUSAN O'BRIEN, DAVID TARDY, MARY 
ZION researchers: CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: 
MURRAY FISHER, NAT HENTOFE, ANSON MOUNT, 
PETER KOSS RANGE, RICHARD RHODES, KOBERT 
SHERRILL, DAVID STANDISH, BRUCE WILLIAMSON 
(movies); CONSULTING EDITOR: LAURENCE 
GONZALES 


WEST COAST: LAWRENCE 5. DIETZ editor 


ART 

RERIG rore managing director; LEN WILLIS, 
CHEY SUSKI senior directors; NOB POST, SKIP 
WILLINNGON asociate directors; WI MANSEN, 
JOSEPH PACZEK assistant direclors: BETH KASIK 
senior art assistant; PENAL RA, JOYCE 
VERALA art assistants: SUSAN HOLMSTROM (га 
fic coordinator: вывел HOFFMAN adminis- 
trative assistant 


PHOTOGRAPHY 
MARILYN GRAMOWSKE west coast editor: JEFF 
COHEN, JANICE MOSES associate editors: HOLLIS 
WAYNE new york editor: RICHARD кү, 
POMPEO тоха staff photographers: рамах 
LARSON photo manager; вил. ARSENAULT 
AZUMA, DAVID CHAN, NICHOLAS DE SCIOSE, P 
MP DIXON, лиху FREYTAG, DWIGHT поо 
R. SCOTT HOOPER, RICHARD 1701, REN MARCUS 
contributing photographers: қыту waum 
assistant editor: мак BURRY (London), JEAN 
PERRE HOLLEY (Paris), LUSA STEWARE (Rome) 
correspondents; JAMES warb color lab super- 
visor; ROBERT CHELIUS administrative editor 


PRODUCTION 
JOHN MASTRO director; ALLEN VARGO man- 
ager: CLENNORE WAGNER, MARIA MANDIS, 
JODY JURCETO, RICHARD QUARTAROLI assistants 


READER SERVICE 
JANE COWEN SCHOEN manager 
CIRCULATION 
RICHARD SMITH director; J. к, ARDISSONE пешу 
sland sales manager; ALVIN WIEMOLD subscr 


поп manag 


ADVERTISING 
HENRY W. MARKS advertising director 
ADMINISTRATIVE, 
MICHAPL LAURENCE business manager: PATIO 
PAPANGELIS administrative editor; PAULETTE 
GAUDET rights & permissions manager: M 


ED ZIMMERMAN administrative assistant 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
DERICK J. DANIELS president 


WHICH NEW HIGH BIAS 
TAPE WINS WITH MAHLER'S 
FOURTH SYMPHONY? 


Choose eight measures of Mahler's Fourth 
that are really rich in the high frequencies. 
The type of passage that high bias tapes are 
designed for. 

Record it on your favorite high bias cassette, 
using the Chrome/CrO; setting. Then again 
on new MEMOREX HIGH BIAS 

Now play back the tapes. 

We're convinced you'll have a new favorite 
New MEMOREX HIGH BIAS is made with 
an exclusive ferrite crystal oxide formulation 
No high bias tape delivers greater high 
frequency fidelity with less noise, plus truer 
response across the entire frequency range 
in short, you can't find a high, pias cassette 
that gives you truer 
reproduction. т 


MEMOREX 


Recording Tape and Accessories, 
ls it live. or is it Memorex? 


Original manuscript sketch for the first. 
movement of Gustav Mahler's Fourth 

Symphony. Courtesy of The Newberry 
Library, Chicago. 


© 1979, Memorex Corporation, Sant 


ITS COMPETI 
ON THE DRA 


First American sport coupe with More cargo volume with rear seat folded down 
front-wheel drive and transverse engine. than Mustang, Capri, Monza Sport, Starfire, 
Skyhawk, Sunbird, Honda Accord (according to 
2 EST. MPG/38 HWY. EST. Better fuel economy МУМ.А. Cargo Volume Index). 
than Mustang, Capri, Monza Sport, Pontiac Power hatchback release standard; either not 

Sunbird, Olds Starfire, Pontiac Firebird, Chevrolet offered or an extra-cost option on domestic cars 
Camaro, Toyota Celica GT* mentioned above. 

Rack and pinion steering standard; not offered AM/FM radio and white sidewall radial tires 


on Monza, Sunbird, Starfire, Firebird, or Camaro. standard; optionalon domestic cars mentioned. 


TION IS STILL 


WING BOARD. 


More interior room than Monza Sport, Celica 
GT Liftback, or VW Scirocco, according to EPA. 


Base-priced hundreds of dollars less than 
Camaro Rally or Berlinetta, Pontiac Firebird, 
Firebird Esprit; more than a thousand dollars less 
than VW Scirocco, Toyota Celica GT, Mazda RX-7, 
or Honda Accord. 


*These are EPA estimates. Use the estimated 
MPG for comparison purposes. Your mileage may 


vary depending on speed, weather conditions, 
and trip length. Actual highway mileage will 
probably be lower than the highway estimate. 
California estimates are lower. 


Dodge 


шшш OMNI 024 


a PRODUC OF 
сне б аса ATION 


Hardly your everyday liqueur. 


Some things in life are too precious for every,day. Lochan Qra is one. An imported golden liqueur 
with a unique taste all its own, it’s to be lingered over—sipped slowly, savored fully. 
You'll be proud to share it but not with just anybody. 


_ Lochan Ora. Imported Liqueur. 


_ 70 PROOF « IMPORTED BY GENERAL WINE & SPIRITS CO. N.Y. NY. 


THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY 


in which we offer an insider’s look at what's doing and who's doing it 


AUSTRALIAN PLAYBOY MAKES DEBUT 

Making its bow down under: PLAYBov's Australian 
edition (right), which debuted in February. Its first 
Playmate, Perth model Karen Pini (below), was a run- 
ner-up in the 1976 Miss World contest held in London. 


UP WITH HOLLYWOOD'S SIGN 

The reconstructed HOLLYwooo sign is a 
reality at last, and a party at Griffith Ob- 
servatory in Los Angeles’ Griffith Park 
observed the occasion along with a cele- 
bration of Hollywood's 75th anniversary. 
Above, sign backers Hugh Hefner and 

Alice Cooper chat with another quest; Бе- | 
low, Chevy Chase entertains at the gala. | 


STUDENTS WISH US 

A HAPPY BIRTHDAY 

Momentarily forgetting the tra- 
ditionally fierce — Trojan-Bruin 
rivalry, students wish PLAYBOY 
a happy 25th birthday via card 
stunt during halftime activities 
а! the annual USC-UCLA foot- 
ball game in Los Angeles' Me- 
morial Coliseum November 18. 
That's the USC marching band 
doing its stuff in the foreground, 


ADVENTURES OF A SILVER JUBILEE PLAYMATE 
Host Merv Griffin’s reaction to 25th Anniversary Playmate Candy Loving's gate- 
fold (above) cracks up TV guests (from left) Virginia Graham, Candy, singer Liv- 
ingston Taylor, actor Josh Taylor. At right, Candy gets $25,000 check from Hef. 


THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY 


FOREIGN CORRESPONDENTS MEET HEF 


Members of L.A.’s foreign press corps engage in friendly give-and-take with 
Hefner at a Playboy Mansion West luncheon kicking off PLAYBOY'S jubilee (below). 


CYNDI WOOD STARS IN MOVIE 


Above, 1974 Playmate of the Year Cyndi Wood 
is all mucked up for her starring role in Van 
Nuys Boulevard, a forthcoming Crown Inferna- 
tional release. Below, a reminder to fans of 
how Cyndi looks when she cleans up her act. SANDY JOHNSON ON SCREEN 
Back in June of 1974, Sandy Johnson was our 
gatefold girl (right). What's she up to these 
days? Appearing in a movie, tentatively titled 
Super Duper Service Station, with Joe E. (Car 
54, Where Are You?) Ross and Mike Mazurki, 
that's what (below). It's an American Screen 
Production and is scheduled for spring release. 


TRIPLE PLAY, HOT CUISINE 
Rick and Bill Neason, winners of 
а Gabe Kaplan look-alike contest, 
pose with Bunny Jane and the real 
thing at Playboy's Lake Geneva 
Resort & Country Club (left). Also 
at Lake Geneva (right), comedian 
Louis Nye plays chef for a show 
hosted by Ross Crystal of Milwau- 
kee's channel 12 as Bunny Corey 
watches. It’s part of a series on 
restaurant highlights, which also 
featured another Lake Geneva 
Playboy entertainer, Phyllis Diller. 


The signposts of success are clearly lettered. | 


Seagri 
Bottled in Canada. Prefer: 


Enjoy our quality in m ratio 
Canadian whisky. A blend of Canada’ finest whiskies. 6 years old. 86.8 Proo! 


(©1978 R 2, REYNOLDS TOBACCO CO. 


Camel Lights solves the 

low tar/low taste problem. 

А richer-tasting Camel blend 
does it. Delivers satisfaction 
at only 9 mg tar. For taste 
that's been missing in low 
tars, try Camel Lights. 


Satisfaction. 
Only 9 mg tar. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


ADDRESS DEA 
PLAYBOY Bl 
919 н. MICHI 
CHICAGD, ILLI 


А PLAYBOY 
WILDING 
IGAN AVE. 
MOIS 60611 


MARLON BRANDO 
Your January issue is complemented 
by the finest Playboy Interview to date. 
Marlon Brando, unlike most actors and 
actresses so often afloat on the bubbles of 
their vanity, strikes through to the core 
ol the meaning of the acting profession 
And what a reversal! Instead of self 
inflation, he shows concern for our native 
Americans, backing that concern 
action and the wit of his dialog thro 
out. 1 found myself underlining passage 
alter passage of his well-aimed prose. 
Clarence Jonk 
Bodega Bay, € 


with 


alifornia 


The most that any a 


ist can accom- 
plish is to manipulate surfaces in order 
» image th 
resonance with the viewer, suggesting 10 
him the existence of something better, 
something transcending the bullshit 
that has always made up the vast bulk 
of everyday experience, at least as long 
is people have been around to produce 
it and to perceive it, If whores succeed 
at this, and they сап, why should they 
not be called artists? Many painters are 
not coming close. С 
artists. This includes you, Brando 
Samuel C. Weston III 
Munysville, Pennsylvania 


10 create strikes 


some 


t whores are great 


I have difficulty taking seriously а man 
takes himself so seriously. I feel 
sorry for the man: the real pity is il 


who 
t he 


almost certainly cannot understand why. 
David L. Travis 
Clovis, New Mexico 


My reading interests do not include 
foul-mouth has-been actor 
track mind includes only the Indians 
knocking his peers. 


whose two- 


nd 


Scott Bland 


Chicago, Hlinois 


That our greatest living actor should 
have such a low opinion of what he docs 


for а living really freaks me ош. The 
first movie I ever saw that had a pro- 
found effect on me was The Wild Оле 
Since then, he has given me more pleas 
ure than anyone else in movies. 

Lou Tornillo 

San Francisco, California 


It was everything I have come to ex 
pect from one of this country’s most 
gifted actors. Brando was funny, refined 
and, best of all. brutally honest. 1 like 
his realistic view of the craft he has 
chosen and, as much as I Jove the cinema, 
1 have to agree with his views about the 
pastime we have come to revere. Only 
Mel Brooks could have said it any better 
"We've got to protect our phony balo- 
ney jobs!” 


Jim Bolinger 
Waco, Texas 


Lawrence Grobel has once again dem- 
onstrated his special knack 


viewer by presenting 


an inter 
t honest account 
of a person who may be irving to react 
otherwise. 


Charles Pendleton 
Dumas, Texas 


By the end of his interview. I was con- 
vinced that the man not only deserves 
his legend but also is onc of the very few 
gent men living today. An honor to have 
met you, sir! 

Randi C. Ard 

Breaux Bridge, Louisiana 


I can only hope Lawrence Grobel re 
ceived "hazardous duty" pav 
Richard Stake 
Calumet City, Illinois 


Your magazine deserves great credit 
for publishing such honest statements 
about the 


historic and current. realities 
that Indians face, The problems really 
never end the Northern Chey 
ennes (1 am a Fullblood) are faced with a 


is now 


FOR THREE YEARS, 3 


LUCAS BOLS 


-as famous 
as Rembrandt. 
And older. 


On the docks of Old Amster- 
dam, master distiller Lucas 
Bols gathered the world’s most 
exotic flavor essences from 
the trade routes of Dutch 
mariners. 

With an artist's skill, he 
blended nature's delicate crea- 
tions and the finest ingredients 
into flavorful liquid pastels. 
Each the very portrait of 
perfection. 

Today, we invite you to ex- 
perience the world famous 
sensation of flavor and color in 
liqueurs passed down in the 
Bols gallery. of masterpieces. 
Bols... preparing for your 
pleasure since 1575. 


LIQUEURS AND BRANDIES 30-78 PROOF 
PRODUCED AND BOTTLED IN THE U.S.A. UNDER 
PERSONAL SUPERVISION OF THE AMSTERDAM 
DIRECTORS • ERVEN LUCAS BOLS DISTILLING 
COMPANY, LOUISVILLE. KY. 


PLAYBOY 


16 


dilemma about coal. Even if the-resery 
tion is not completely dug up. the power 
companies are pushing to build pollution- 
rating plants nearby that will cover 
our small reservation with poisonous air 
Deloris Yelloweyes 
Billings. Montana 


gene 


an 


an is often shrugged off 
nt cynic; yet his attacks on the 
further con 
vince me of . Thank 
you, Lawrence Grobel, for having taken 
pains with your work to present him be- 


mediocre values of society 


у 


doches, Texas 


tor but, more im- 
anitari: 
Beverly Gr 


ene 
ssachusetts, 


LOVING TRIBUTES 


In their search for the 25th. Anniver- 
sary Playm photographers of 
PLAYBOY without a doubt uncovered. 


some of the most beautiful women to 

ever grace the pages of your magazine. 

ndy Loving turns out то be а fine 

choice by your stall. АП of the brothers of 

Sigma Alpha Epsilon at Florida State 

niversity want to thank you for an out 

standing Silver Anniversary issue; your 
best effort in the past 25 years. 

casey Widell 
Timmy Buffkin 
Tallahassee, Flo 


ida 


You couldn't have chosen a more love- 
ly for your January Playmate. Candy 
wes the elegance of your 


pen pal? 
Pat Hackman 


n Candy is everything 
should be, but thank goodness 
you included a look at the "losers, 
Sam Tyree 
West Hempstead, Pen 


I think D caught ya on a last-minute 
pose change for the gatefokl in your 
ry issue. Playmate Candy Loving's 
pose for the gatefold is just a shade dif- 
ferent from the pose in your Playmates 
foldout (page 278). It seems my eyes are 
ways at their sharpest when I view the 
gatelolds. 


R. Bourque 
Boston, Massachusetts 
Some extra Loving never hurt anyone. 


с in 1979 
your January 


bener way 
ndy Loving 


qualities that go month after month into 
mate beauty. May there always be 

a Hugh Hefner and a pLavwoy. 
Robert J. Мек 
Hampton, Virgin 


You probably will not believe me 
when 1 say that D saw Candy Loving's 
picture the Hunt secion of the 

ine before Т saw her pictorial as 


om that one picture. I resolved 
then and there to write to you and im 
plore you to do а pictorial of her, How 
ppy 1 was, then, to discover that your 
taste is as good 
Rich 


d Edison 
do Spr 


‘colorado 


igs. С 


OK, time to fall in love all over again. 


THE DEVIL AND SHEL 
The 


Devil and Billy Markham 


av) ік Гатиамїс. Some- 


can’t you just see it 

Kristofferson fea- 

tured as Billy? Let me know when it's 

leased and I guarantee. TIL be first in 
line at the box office! 

Susan 5, Anderson 

Shreveport, Louisi 


as a movic 


n should be awarded the 
re for Literature for this work 


Mitch Ables 
Armuchee, 


THE LAST CLARKE? 

І was especially happy to see the first 
half of Arthur С. Clarke's new novel, 
The Fountains of Paradise (PLAYBOY, 
J ) But as а hardened Clarke ad 
dict for more than half of my 22 years. 1 
was also saddened to hear it may be his 
last. But then а the man has been 
i books for a long time and I 


ar 


guess he deserves a break. So, if E may 
would likc to usc your magazine to con 
vey my personal thanks to the master for 
taki nd tour of the universe 
and teaching my mind to fly. T hope 10 
some day meet Mr. Clarke, perhaps on 
the moon? Meanwhile, T will be reread 
ing all my old Arthur C. Clarke books. 
Ron Hitchens 
arth Salt Lake, U 


Tm right in the middle of Arthur С 
Clarke's first segment of The Fountains 
of Paradise. The only thing I have to say 
to Clarke's claim that this is his last novel 
is that it better be damn good and да 
long or else VIL personally lead his f 
in a protest—Clarke. is close to being а 
ional literary resource! 

Thorn К. 

Berca, Kentucky 


es 


SECRET SIN 
I have been following Р 
some 12 years now. 1 guess it 
sort of secret sin: You really w 
it up but аге тоо curious to know what 
will happen next. E read PLAYBOY simply 
because vou people are distinguished by 
the overall excellence of your publica 
tion. You consistently have some of the 
best writing. some of the most. provoc 
ive viewpoints, some of the most up-to- 
nsights. I may disagree with you 
but F feel challenged by your positions. 1 
ul the fact that you put your mon 


Avmoy for 
is like some 
at to give 


appl 
ey where your mouth is and support the 
fight against injustice and. hypocrisy 


е 
bit hypocritical when you proclaim yc 
honor women and yet continue to tre: 
them as sex objects. But. in a curious 
cally do promote the 
пеп. When с 


Lord was on е 
a joyless, deadly serious att 
lile. E really think we are not that fa 
part—The Playboy Philosophy and 
Christian ethics. | fnd much in you 
philosophy 1 can wholeheartedly 
with. Summing up. 1 don't always a 
with you. but Га able with you 
Weve been fr a long 
(range Бейге! 
Tor challenging 


as a bit 
publicatie 
ulations on 


You put out one hell of i 
and T extend hearty congr 


your 25th y and wish you well 
in the yea 
The Rev. W. Ralph Heller. Jr.. Pastor 


m John Lutheran Church 
ior of Communications 
The New Jersey District 
The Lutheran Church, Misou 
Bound Brook, New Jersey 


ji Synod 


GORE BLIMEY! 

Gore Vidal's Sex Zs Politics 
чагу PLAYBOY does ап 
job of describi 
antisexuality. A 


y politics ol 
rian, 1 don't 


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tA 


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WITH THE MIND OF A COMPUTER AND 
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have it easy. While the conservative sit 
ling next to me at the movies is reaching 
into my jockey shoris to make sure T 
don't have an erection offensive 10 God, 
the liberal sitting behind me is reaching 
into my back pocket to make sure I don’t 
have a dividend check offensive to socic- 
ly. Would all of you kindly get your 
hands out of my pants? 

Ralph Blanchette 

Clinton Corners, New York 


Vidal makes the ridiculous claim that 
а family man is very docile, ever Геаг- 
ful for the welfare of his loved ones. 
Of course, a man worries about his [ami 
ly, but far from making him docile, his 
fears goad him into making greater ef 
foris to insure its well-being. Generally 
a man's [amily makes him 


speaking 
stronger 


Daniel P. Dully 
Medina, Ohio 


Vidal's article is brilliant. It's nice 
to know that there still exists a bastion 
of rationality in this сталу age. An єх 
cellent piece of writing. 

W. E Каа 
Boulder, Colorado 


SEX IN AMERICA 
Peter Ross Ranges Sex in America: 
Miami (riavnov. Decembe fails to 
point out that few young people have 
any love lost for the area and for South 
ida as a whole. In fact, many young 
South Floridians leave the Sunshine State 
a new life in places such as 
» which beckons them with a wel- 
come mat of jobs. Unfortunately, many 
seasonal residents and tourists create the 
same kind of conditions in South Florida. 
that they intended to leave behind. А 
metropolitan area should have more to 
offer than balmy w 
accessible prostitutes and а wide selection 
ay and singles bars, Miami and 
South Florida lack а sense of com 
munity—a_ prerequisite for. meaningful 
rela 


меғ, пісе beaches, 


of discos, 


ships. 
Ken Hedler 
Palm Springs, 


ornia 


You did more for the city of Miami 
than the toral effort of all the local cham- 
bers of commerce could possibly do. 
Coral Gables, my home town, is also the 
home of the University of Miami, from 
which 1 graduated six years ago. Peter 
Rosy Range depicted the boisterous, unre 
strained party atmosphere of Suntan 1 
with a very high percentage of accuracy 
The sexual temperature of Miami is to be 
paralleled with the weather, since we ave 
really laid back here, as compared 
with several cities up North, where the 
Га 
weekend frolic on the beach, wearing 
whatever is short enough to entice but 
long enough to cover the basics. ‘The 
are no real problem, since they n 


weather denies many the privilege 


For color reproduction of Wild Turkey painting by Ken Davies, 19" by 21; send $2 to Box 929- PE. Wall SL Sta., NY 10005 


Wild Turkey Lore: 


To see a Wild Turkey rise 
from the brush and soar 
away at fifty miles per hour 
or more, is an unforgettable 
experience. 

The Wild Turkey is 
the symbol of America’s 
finest Bourbon whiskey, an 
unforgettable experience 
in its own right. 


WILD TURKEY/101 PROOF 


—— 


incoburg. Kerkuchy 


PLAYBOY 


20 


their own business and don’t push the 
issue. The Cubans are very Catholic, but 
that only gives Miami cultural diversifica- 
tion. Some girls have sexual hang-ups as 
a result of their upbringing, but the ma- 
jority would be considered very healthy 
and into healthy sex. In closing, please 
congratulate Range on an excellent job. 
Robert S. Denchfield 
Coral Gables, Florida 


Some of our colleagues nationwide re- 
ferred us, with some alarm, to a section 
in Sex in America: Miami (page 148) 
that lists а sexshop operator known as 
Patty Wheat. The name is quite out of 
the ordinary and, therefore, may be con- 
fused with that of our staff writer Patte 
Wheat, a well-known author in the field 
of child abuse. We wish to advise all that 
our Patte is alive and well in California, 
has had her book By Sanction of the 
Victim (Timely Books) re-released and 
has no plans to visit Miami in the near 
future. 


Leonard L. Lieber 
Parents Anonymous 
Torrance, Californi; 


CRASH 
As 


шеміс 


COURSE 

flight attendant for a major do- 
ir carrier, I would like to applaud 
F. Lee Bailey and rtaysoy for the De- 
cember article How to Survive an Air 
Crash. The textual inadequacy and the 
lack of passenger concern for preflight 
safety demonstrations are all too com- 
mon. With the advent of deregulation 
and decreased fares, people are flocking 
like birds to the skies for transportation, 
nd the “cool-dude traveler" tends to be 
model role for first-time fliers. More 
auention to flight safety and emergency 
measures on the part of the airline indus- 
try, the FAA and the flying public is 
needed belore another major air tragedy 
occurs. By the way, ticket agents do screen 
exit passengers before assigning 
У. 


window- 
those si 


Paul ^ 
New Yo 


Spinelli 
, New York 


ON THE OTHER HAND 
I thoroughly enjoyed your pictorial 


ile The Great Playmate Hunt 
(eLayuoy, January) The girls were out- 
standing and it's an obvious mislortune 


that all the girls could not be Playmates. 
Nonetheless, my vote goes to Liz С 
zowski. 1 think she is the most beautiful 
girl I've seen in your magazine in the 
past eight y 


5 


Your choice for the Anniversary fold- 
out is, of course, beautiful. Her atri- 
butes are obvious. However, I am writing 
on behalf of Michelle Drake of Califor 
nia, one of your featured “Great Beau- 
ties.” Simply worded, I love and 
appreciate a fantastic derrière. Miss 


Drake's picture was more than impres- 
sive, She projects an air of sensuousness 
surpassed by very, very few women. 

aul S. Tew 

Raleigh, North Carolina 


Т never thought ГА write one of those 
silly letters to PLAyboy, but Liz Gl 
ski has changed my mind. If I were vot- 
ing, she would have been on all 410 pages. 
Sheldon Metz 
Santa Moníca, California 


I've been having a hell of a time trying 
to figure out who the girls are on the 
side cover of your January issue from 
the pictures in the Great Playmate Hunt. 
How about a little help? 

Tom Anderson 
New York, New York 

How about а lot of help, Tom? Sta 
ing at the top, left to right; Michelle 
Drake, Dorothy Stratten and Sylvie 
Garant; middle: Suzanne Sheridan, Lisa 
Kalison and April Playmate Missy Cleve- 
land; bottom: March Playmate Denise 


McConnell, Ruth Guerri and January’ 
Candy Loving. By the way, the entire 
page is a composite made up of five 
photos. Don't bother guessing, you'll 
never figure it out. 


THE EKBERG MYSTERY 
There's something that's bugging me 
about your h Anniversary issue 
(which, by the way, is fantastic); on 
page 154, you show a picture of / 
Ekberg dated August 1956 showing pubic 
hair. Then, on pages 161 and 162, yo 
show Paula Kelly's picture claiming it 
was the debut of pubic hair, except that 
it was August 1969. Now I may be going 
nuts, but not that nuts. What gives? 
Tom Mazurie 
Lodi, California 
The Ekberg shot did appear in the 
August 1956 issue, but only from the 
waist up. You һай to wait till 1979 to 


see it in its full glory. Sorry about your 
mental problems. 


COFFIN CUTIES 
For many years now, I have been a 

closet vampire. After noting my hus- 
band’s reaction to the pictorial essay 
Interlude with the Undead (eLavwoy, 
January). T decided to act out а fantasy 
of mine. T bought some vampire teeth 
and a black nightgown. After spending 
nearly an hour applying clown white and 
makeup. | entered the bedroom and 
woke my husband. The results were so 
fantastic that 1 had to write and thank 
you for your most interesting pictorial. 
By the way, both my husband and I 
would like to see more of the lovely vam- 
pires from the pictorial. 

Arual Johnson 

Albuquerque, New Mexico 


Thank you. pLaynoy, and a special 
thanks to Phillip Dixon and Marilyn 
bowski for a job well done on the 
fine pictorial essay Interlude with the 
Undead. 


Mark Moran 
Trucksville, Pennsyly 


nia 


tion of her book 


Anne Rice's continua 
Interview with the Vampire is a fitting 
background to the photography of Phil 
lip Dixon. 


Allan Jones 
Chicago, Illinois 


THE EARS HAVE IT 
The Purpose of the Moon (ғглушоу, 
January) is a masterpiece! I love the way 
Tom Robbins paints. 
М. J. Addobati 
Sacramento, California 


ASSAULT AND FLATTERY 

Our thanks to Mother Nature for the 
welcomed relief after reaching the top 
of Wheeler Peak (highest point in New 
Mexico, elevation 13,640 feet). Members 


Assault on 
Wheeler Peak expedition noticed. the 
Playboy Rabbit nestled in the adjacent 
mountain range. The view from Wheeler 
Peak could not be nicer! 


Don E. Lew 
Gary Payne 
Dall: 


qa ODUCE, | 
т 0 
Sco 1 


жоо SCOTCH WHISKIES: 


5 "Lucky Americans. 
You pay less to go first class. 


Here in Lisbon, Passport costs as much as other whiskies, but bottle Passport in the U.S.—and pass 
premium scotches. In fact, it’s expensive everywhere оп the tax and shipping savings to you. So to lucky 
but in America. We use Scotland's most expensive Americans, this superb scotch only tastes expensive. 


Passport Scotch 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


UNBEARABLE URGE 
A caption from the Friona, Te 
Star 


reads 


nder a picture of a play rehearsal 
“Leslie Upton plays the role of 
Winnie the Pooh, and Matt Osborn is 
Christopher Robin, in the Summer Dra- 
ma Workshop production of Winnie the 
Pooh, which will be presented at two 
F.M. Saturday. In the scene above, Pooh 
shits on Christopher Robin's lap." 


JOYCE KILMER WOULD LOVE IT 
Where there's а problem, there's a 
solution. The U.S. Forest Service 


called in to investigate the stripping of 


was 


birch trees in Ely, Minnesota, by lazy 
campers looking for kindling to light 
their fires. The Forest Service arrived, 


checked out the bare patches and set to 
work to improve the aesthetics of the 
wilderness. They sent out workers armed 
with brushes and white paint to coat de- 
nuded trees. When they were finished, 
they went back to daub in little black 
lines to give their masterpieces а natural 


effect. 


HE DOES IT HIS WAY 

Two years ago, George Deffet was just 
an ordinary 44-year-old Columbus, Ohio, 
realestate developer with a wile, cight 
children and $17,000,000. rofiled by 
Time and Fortune as а courageous pio- 
neer for open housing, Deflet once testi- 
fied before the House Ways and Means 
Commitee and served as finance chair- 
man for John Glenn's Senatorial cam- 
paign. But unlike realestate 
tycoons, George Deffet had a dre; 
like to call it an impossible dream—to 
case on down the middle of the road, 
and in 1977, he got out of real estate, let 
his hair grow, tore off his shirt buttons 
and started applying all his energy and 
resources turning himself 
the next red-hot, boss, monster, superstar 
rock/pop | disco singing sensation, 

с ght our jaundiced eye with 
his outrageous press kit. As promotional 
giveaways had it all—Alice 
Cooper Martin Mull 


most 


n—we 


toward into 


Orge са 


we've 
panties, 


paper 


socks, Ramones switchblades, Pink Floyd 
chocolate. pigs—but a five-pound black 


velour case etched with George's sil- 
houette wearing a removable bronze 
medallion engraved with the title of 


George's first album (and personal credo), 
No Guts... No Glory, seemed kind of 
special. Inside, we found the album, two 
single ort han-life poster, old clip 
pings extolling Deffet the builder, new 
ones on George the vocalist, a pile of 
many-moods-ol- George photos and a cas- 
serte recording of the disco version of 
Georges European Nights (No One Fits 
Me like You, Babe), plus a candid tape 
of George and his С 
ducer, Al de Lory—Al: “I'm thinking to 
myself. I'm driving across Hollywood 
to talk to a singing bricklayer, а landlord 
who wants to be a performer and а con- 
nactor who wants to have a taste of show 
business." George: "But 
anyway and it really worked ou 

Although his previous musical experi- 
ence was limited to church choirs, Army 


amuny-wine 


pro- 


you came over 


talent contests and occasional night-club 
and TV appearances, George has a pleas- 
ant though somewhat thin voice that 
makes for easy listenin’ to his own com- 
positions and standards, ranging all the 
way from Feelings то Leroy Brown to 
Шопс Again (Naturally). 


called Columbus to find out what kind of 


When we 


fool George Deffet really was, we s 
gested that at least he's one entertainer 
above accusations of being in it only for 
the money. “I don't you to be 
misled,” corrected George. “My desire is 
to be an accomplished pro, and in doi 
so, I am very interested in the comp 
tion, We sent out 2000 press packages, 
Kathy and 
I just finished visiting 180 radio stations 
135 days. What we found ош is that 1 
have the ability to reach audiences record 
companies don't think buy records 

"In my songwriting, I plan to convey 
al 
with families, the political scene, infla 
tion, the way business is run. Why not 
sing about rent or collusion or price 
gouging? Why not songs about where 
the American dream went wrong for 
people who aren't cating too well or 
young people who want to buy house 

“I love rock, jazz, blues, country— 
forms of music. I want to be 
perforr 1 want to be my- 
sell. I am extremely interested іп build- 

g ап image of honesty and sincerity. I 
am a Catholic. 1 have cight kids. 1 do not 
intend 10 imitate punk rock and show 
how far I can vomit across a stage—not 
unless it's absolutely necessary.” 


want 


nsa 


and my 21-year-old daughter 


things going on in this country that d 


carce 


er who records. 


WAKE UP, LITTLE SNOOZIE 
A New Orleans or 
Roosters, Inc., has some alarming news. 
Spokesman Richard Senac says his com 
pany specializes in personalized alarm 
clocks guaranteed to wake up anyone in 
the morning. Thus far, one woman is 
now awakened by barking 
soldier by a bugle b 
horseplayer 
10 post 


anization called 


an ci 


dogs, 


ring reveille, a 
by a trumpet calling him 
wd a traveling salesman by his 
wile’s screaming voice. One fellow we 


23 


PLAYBOY 


24 


know who likes to play around with mar- 
ried women is thinking of asking for a 
wake-up to the sound of shotgun ham- 
mers clicking. 


INTER COURSE 

Students at Biola College 
da, California, can waive their college's 
“Christian Service" requirement by get- 
ting married. We're not sure who х es 
whom, nor who grants whom the final 


grade. 


n La Mira- 


LETTER FROM UGANDA 
Recently, we asked Bill Quinn. а writ- 
er who has done many things for us in 
the past, to check out the possibility of 


doing a piece on Uganda's President for 
Life, Idi Amin Dada. Quinn dutifully 
wrote letter то Amin, in which he 


explained his assignment and asked for 
an audience. Without further comment, 
we hereby publish the reply that came 
from the good dictator's office: 

hank you for your letter of August 
. 1978 in which you seek an audience 
with Al-Hajji Field Marshal DR. Idi 
Amin Dada, V.C, 0.5.0, М.С, Conqueror 

mpire, 


п you that His 
ncy the Life President is not the 
type of people who appear in your п 
torious magazine PLAYBov and th 
fore like other ‘Revolution: 
African Leaders will not be a 
you any audience. 
"Regarding what has been said about 
him in recent articles and statements in 
PLAYBOY, this is not important to his 
personality and, for your information, 
does nothing to his reputation as most 
people might think 
“Those who would wish to talk, speak. 
write, act and do anything about him 
are [ree lo do so and can continue at 


e 
y Black 


ble to 


ve 


their own pleasure and risk. He is de- 
voted to national апа international 
development. 

AL Haj 


CHECKING IN 
Fred Robbins caught up 


with 
Jogger a while back und confronted her 
with some questions we'd been meaning 


Bianco 


to ask. 

PLAYBOY: Bianca, you have a 
degree in political science fro 
bonne. You could certainly be one of 
history's most beautiful diplomats. Why, 
ter going to all the trouble of geuing 
out of. Nicaragu 
young and study 
give up pol 
yaccer: Because 1 didn't agree with the 
politics of my country. We have had an 
oligarchy for the past 45 years. And 1 
don't think I would like to be a diploma 
presenting that government. 
PLAYBOY: What would vou 


do if you 


could have some influence in Nicaragua? 
JACGER: Well, I would do what you call 
an ар n reform. First of all, I think 


you should feed people. You 
tcach people anything unless the 
Then you have to teach them ci 
сап explain 


cannot 
e fed. 
(s, You 
people what freedos 
means when those people have been 
starving and have been oppressed for 4 
years, And the other thing, you se 
the difference of classes. The poverty in 
my country is extreme. And the richest 
people are extreme as well. And you 
have а 20 percent mortality rate in chil- 
dren in my country. 

лувоү: Do you ever [eel 

JAGGER: Guilty? Of course 1 feel guilty. 
I don't have the kind of lile people 
think: I would like to do someth 
more. | don't find excuses for myself, 
you know? 

PLAYBOY: Are you uncomfortable when 
you go back now 
Jacca: Yes, I haven't been back since 
then. That's how uncomfortable 1 am, 
PLAYBOY: Maybe you could be the first 
woman presidi i 
JAGGER: Who knows? I think women are 


evolving. I don't think women have to 
be aggressive. I think a woman should be 
delicate and full of mystery. I don't be 
lieve that because of women’s liberation 
a woman should have an affair her ad 
there, That's trying to prove that you 
free. But that's not freedom. Freedom is 
when you are able to say I find 
American women very ар I was 
very shock 
PLAYBOY: We've gone throu 
jeans. Are we now go 
fash 
JAGGER: Well, actually, 1 hate fashion, 
because I don't like somebody telling me 
I'm supposed to wear this skirt at this 
length. E want to wear whatever 1 feel 
like, whenever I feel like it. 

ny dresses do you have? 
JAGGER: D always keep everything that 1 
have. I never throw away anything. 1 
keep every bit of clothes E ever had. 
praysoy: How many dresses are there 
now? 

JAGGER: I don't know: I never count them. 
PLAYBOY: How many shoes? 

JAGGER: Actually, I am a shoe ferishist. I 
have a Tot of shoes. And I don't wear 


no. 
"sive. 


an age of 
g through another 


them. 1 just keep them there, just like 
people have vases or somethin 
PLAYBOY oes? 

Jacek: ] adm . but he's dead. I 
mire Gandhi, but he's dead. 

тлүвоу: No living heroes? 

ek: Well, I think Fidel Castro is 
¢ a remarkable man in some ways 
brutal in the way he put 
things together, but when you come from 


a country like mine, I don't know 
re able to completely change а coun- 
try unless you take very severe measures. 


PLAYBOY: about 
yoursell? 

JAGGER: I would have liked to have been 
taller, but that's only because one thinks. 
Un homme qui est grand, un homme qui 
ext haut, est plus grand. Whatever that 
means, 

PLAYBOY: What specific ideas do you һауе 
for world peac 
JAGGER: W's a difficult thing because it 
has to do with a feeling of patriotism. 
When we have lost the feeling оГ 
my country and this is where it 
this is where it begins and this is what it 
belongs to, this is what we create.” We 
should do away with nationalism. 
rLAYBOY: What do you like to cat? 
JAGGER: At the moment, I would love to 
have a watercress soup. 1 like French 
food: I like Italian food; I like some Eng- 
food; 1 like Chinese food; | love 
landese food; I love Vietnamese 
food: I lowe Japanese food 

Avsov: Do you like panty hose? 
Тлесек: No, | hate them. They're very 
unsexy. I like stockings. 

PLaynoy: How do you hold them up? 
JAGGER: Garters. 
PLAYBOY: Does nationality have anything 
ta do with how good a love 
JAGGER: I don't think so, r 
has to do with emotions and passions a 
feelings. 
PLAYBOY: Nowad, 
cuss their lovers 
you find that v 


What don't you like 


s, girls sometimes di 
nong themselves. Do 
prevalent? 


JAGGER: Yes, Гуе been surprised. some- 
times to hear discussions that women 
have: it's quite amazi ally. You'd be 


shocked, you know 
aysoy: You mean they discuss it in the 
most clinical terms? 


ең: Yeah, Absolutely. 
луну: kind of music do you 
like now? 
jaccer: 1 have d taste 


Wag 
I like country music 
1 like blues, And I 


and Satie and Bach. 
I like rock "m roll. 
love disco records. 
лувоу: Is rock ‘n’ roll dead? 
JAGGER: I hope not 

Аушоу: Do you blow-dry your h: 
JAGGER: No. 

"Lv nov: How does it dry? 
JAGGER: 1 have rdıeser who hand- 
dries it with his hands. I's a new method. 
He just docs everything with his fingers. 
PLAYBOY: How long does it c do dry 


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PLAYBOY 


28 


when he does it with his fingers? 

jAGGER: Well, it takes quite a little time; 
it takes half an hour. 

paynoy: What do you consider still too 
expensive to buy? 

JAGGER: A Concorde. Isn't it funny to say 
such а stupid answer? 

rLAYnOY: Could you ever rough it? 
Аси: What is that? 

PLAYBOY: Go out into the woods, live in 
a tent? 

JAGGER: Yes! Yes, You think I couldn't? 
You know, I was born in Nicar A 
wild country. Besides, 1 love 
the country. I lived in Montauk on Long 
Island for months and months, on my 
own, with no one, in the middle of no- 
where. 

PLAYBOY: Was there ever somebody you 
fancied who didn't respond to you? 
TAGGER: Oh, yes, when 1 was in school. 1 
fell in love with somebody who was 
much older than I was, and he wouldn't 
even look at me. 1 don't like many men, 
you know? I mean, I don't fall in love 
with many people. 

глуво: Have you ever faked an orgasm? 
JAGGER: Never 

PLAYROY: Women want to have as many 
orgasms as men have these days, you 
know. 


Jacek: They do? They should! 
PLAYBOY: Then why do girls fake or- 
gasms? 


JAGGER: They do it just to be nice. Or 
maybe because they're bored, and that’s 
a way to end it. But normally, women 
fake orgasms because they feel so much 
for the guy that they want to make 
him feel that he could. have given 
them an orgasm. 

pLAvBoy: How do you tell a 
leave in the morning? 
JAGGER: You should not wait until the 
morning. You should send her home in 
the middle of the е в! 

PLAYBOY: How do you do that? 

JAGGER: You tell her your mother is com- 
g to see you in the morning. 


girl to 


DON'T CALL ME IN THE MORNING 

A woman who was suffering from the 
flu obeyed her doctor's orders to stay in 
bed until she got better. She stayed in 
bed for 40 years. The woman, now in her 
70s, was the subject of an item in The 
Lancet, the British medical journal, by 
Dr. Peter Roe. Roe wrote that her con- 
dition had no mental or physical cause 
and that "all of us, no doubt, exhibit 
minor forms of this at times.” 


RACK OF AGES 


The Reverend. William. Wendt, pres 
dent of the nonprofit Washington, D.C 
based St. Francis Burial unseling 
Society, offers an alternative to the high 
cost and high waste of coffins, His рініп 
wooden models are equipped with wine 
racks and bookshelves, so that you can 
put them to use before you really put 


them to use, We are reminded that André 
Simon, the noted wine expert, once re- 
marked that a true wine connoisseur saw 
to it that he left only а few boules of 
wine in his cellar when he died. IE the 
good Reverend has his way, you'd have to 
follow Simon's advice 
be no room for you. 


wa 
otherwise there'd 


WOMEN SEEK HUNG JURY 


In the р 


t, people 
duty as passionately as they avoid root 
canal work. But in New York. some un- 
attached singles are finding that jury duty 
is the easiest way to meet other - 
tached singles. A writer of our acquaint 
ance explains, “Married people have 
good reasons why they can't serve, singles 
don't. The duty itself lasts at least two 
weeks and you basically just sit around. 


c avoided jury 


in a big room with nothing to do. After 
a few days, everybody starts. thinking 
about scoring. TI when two 
people who have struck up a relationship 
are assigned to different cases, the guards 
sometimes can be persuaded to pass notes 
between them, Its pretty giddy ri 
stufl—like being in high school" One 
lady, who is now engaged to someone 
she met while on jury duty, cooed, “You 
can even volunteer! 


100, 


BLOOD ON THE TRASH 
1 the dumps one afte 
ly began wonderi 
about A. J. Weberman, the fanatic "Dyl- 
anologist who a few years ago attracted 
national attention by salvaging cultural 
relics from the trash cans of Dylan and 
others. We called A.J, at his Greenwich 
ge headquarters to find out what 
Ametica’s foremost ge collector 
might be into now 

“My book— led My Life in Gar- 
bology—is coming out this June. I do 
sculptures of famous people exclusively 
from their garbage. P got Jolin and 


Feeling down 
noon, we natur 


Martha Mitchell. They had separate gar 
bage and John Mitchell had a lot of 
booze bottles in his. 1 got Judge Sirica's 
garbage. He happened to be filling out 
his income tax that day, so [ have his 
total finances. He also threw out these 
dice made of foam rubber you hang in 
your car, I have Roy M. Cohn, who is an 
anally retentive type who hoards his gar 
bage until the end of the month. I had 
to go back every d got 1 
Kennedy Onassis, which is just beauti 
ful—all different colors, nice рас 
perfume boules. Tm not worried 
getting sued this time, because а re 
cent Supreme Court decision indicated 
garbage is in the public domain 
They said a safety-deposit box is the 
place for valuables, not a garbage can 
"My greatest. moment іп Garbology 
was the first time | ever went into а cau. 
I opened it up and took out an unfin- 
ished letter from Dylan to Johnny Cash 
I was like a mouse pressing the bar on a 
Skinner box and being inundated | 
food pellets. I knew I would have to 
keep coming back for more. 
What I'm doing now is writing 
other book on the Kennedy assassination 
‘The fist one, Coup d'Etat in America, 
was about Oswald's involvement with the 
CIA 
connection m 
Ruby: All Mobbed Up. 
I'm exposing the N 


nal Caucus of 


Labor Committees. [m comparing 
N.C.L.C/s organ, New Solidarity—t call 
it New Slobidarily—to. Signal. Hitler's 


d me of 


magazine. These people ren 
Hitler and the Nazis. Once I expose 
them. if Dylan doesn't. forgive fe 
any alleged previous transgressions, then 
1 fuckin’ give up. 

"bp have dom of Information Act 
requests out on Phil Ochs, Woody Guth 
rie, Jim Morrison, Joplin, Hendrix, Joe 
McCarthy—they’re all dead and you can 
get whatever documents the FBI has on 
them by sending а death certificate or 
other proof of death’ The FBI has been 
incredibly cooperative. Sometimes they 
complain and say, "Weberman, you're 
flooding this place with requests!" I ex- 

ain that if I didn't, they'd. probably 
have to go out and hunt kids who stole 
cars. 

“I threw a tomato at Nixon when he 
visited New York. I hit a cop and did a 

in jail for assaulting an officer and 
possession of a dangerous weapon be: 
cause they found another tomato on me. 
I organized а с Abbie Hollman 
March. We marched from Washington 
Square 10 Battery Park, where we had a 
smoke-in. I gave marijuana cigarettes to 

yone and the cops didn't do a fuckin? 
ng. I've also been doing a lot of pic 
ing—throwing pies at people. 1 work 
with Aron Kay, the Pie M. 
1 keep busy. 105 like Dylan says, "You 
can almost think you're seein’ double 
OK, man. Nice talkin’ to you. Bye.” 


9 то, "tar", 0 .8 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FIC method, 


LOW TAR : ENRICHED TOBACCO 


The first low'tar'cigarette 
good enough to be called б. 
Kings and 1005. 


©1979 BEWT Co. 


NS 


‘jg hates болай Line Dm Ч 
ар -: | 1 p 
DRAMBU! N @ 


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Euer ^ т | M ; 
(OO БС Саи that memories are made of 
=o 50 often include Drambuie. 


sarthwaite does something on 
ond solo album that a lot of 
other women have tried and failed to do. 
She makes feminism sound sexy—and to 
а disco beat, at that. About time, too. 
Hand in Glove (Fantasy) is for all you men 
who like women who “have a mind, too, 
you kno 

One of the best pieces, brittle but 
funny, is a song called You Don't Know 
(with some traditional backup on sax 
by Jim Rothermel) “Here she comes, 
dressed to the teeth, lookin’ like а fairy 
tale, beyond belief. People been tellin’ 
her all her life, ‘Hey, litle girl, you 
were born to be a wife. " The chorus, of 
course, that follows is "You don't know, 


you don't know my mind. . 
Actually, only five of the cuts have a 


disco beat, and those manage to rise 
above the genre by being just a little 
funky. There's ако a Fortyish night- 


club number called Some Other Spring, 
but most of the music is good old- 
fashioned — rhytlumand-blues. Willow 
Wray provides close harmony- 
. 

Now that jazz is in one of its periodic 
up phases, every 
least one club. where jazz bulls can see 


nost city boasts at 


and hear their herocs up close. New 
York's Vil Vanguard has been 
around through all the ups and downs 


хий as this county's premia 
Two LPs recorded on the 
premises provide indisputable evidence 
of the superior jazz that flourishes there. 
The Great Jazz Trio at the Village Vanguard 
(Inner City) features pianist Hank Jones, 
bassist Ron Carter and drummer Tony 
Williams on four extended tracks and 
their interplay is a thing of beauty. Jones 
is a spirited pianist and his ebullience 
proves wil 
liams seem to be having a ball. Stepping 
Stones (Columbia) showcases the Woody 
Shaw Quintet (Shaw on comet and Flü- 
elhorn; Carter Jefferson, tenor and so. 
prano saxophones; Onaje Allan Gumbs, 
piano: Clint Houston, bass; and Victor 
Lewis, drums). Shaw has finally gotten 
the recognition he deserves and his work 
on this album bears out his formidable 
talents as composer, leader and instru- 
nialist. No doubt about it; the Village 

rd is a musical gre in 
which jazz talent blossoms year after 


ye 


infectious as Carter. and 


. 

The Blues Brothers, Jake and Elwood, 
came up the hard way. They've suffered, 
paid their dues, For almost four entire 
years now, they've been doing one- 
night stands in an obscu 
called Saturday Night Live—playing in 
that time well over 50 gigs. They've 


smoky club 


Garthwaite's Hand in Glove: sexy. 


Sexy feminism, superior 
jazz and a visit with 
Nick Lowe of Rockpile. 


Two from the Vanguard. 


Rockpile's Nick Lowe. 


been there. And that arduous apprentice- 
ship has paid off in Briefease Full of Blues 


(Atlantic), their first album. It is, in 
fact, considerably better than you might 
expect Irom Dan Aykroyd and John 
Belushi. Part of it is the band: In the best 
Ricky Nelson school ol record producing. 
they have gathered around them some of 
the best—mostly large chunks of Booker 
T & the М.С» and Tom Scott & the L.A. 
Express—so the band alone is a treat. 
The selection of material is solid, if im: 
peccably hip, and that they chose to do 
Soul Man nearly note for original note 
i bute to their good sense, not cow 
Belushi, who clearly loves this 
stull, is more credible on vocal than is 
Aykroyd on harp, bursting sometimes 
through to the fevered intensity of the 
real thing. Blues purists are putting this 
album down because there are so many 
great bluesmen starving for work, on Chi. 
cago's South Side, among other places. 
But on the Blues Brothers’ side, Belushi 
shouts at oue. point, “Buy all the blues 
records you сап"—зо maybe these loving 
cover versions will lead some people back 
to the source. We hope so. 
. 


Fd been to the Palladium in New 
York for the first time during Christmas 
vacation, 1961, Still called The Academy 
of Music—the name was a relic of palmier 
seasons—it was about as grubby then as it 
is now. Between showings of some wide- 
screen John Wayne oat opera, Murray 
the K was putting on his annual holiday 
extravaganza. Right there on a single 
stage in hot succession: Joey Dee and the 
Starliters with Shout and The Pepper- 
Twist. Cary “U. S." Bonds howling 
School Is Out, tiny Timi Yuro belting 
Hurt above the din of the band without 
seeming need of a mike, Bobby Lewis, 
asweat and possessed, in thrashing fetal 
position on the stage, / couldn't sleep at 
all last night, just a-thinkin’ of you! . . . 
Heaven. A living jukebox of the year's 
top hits that wouldn't quit. Most of the 
aud ed for all three daily shows, 
sleeping or making out while Wayne 
won the West. 

I was back last fall, chasing Rockpile, 
featuring Dove Edmunds and Nick Lowe. That 
they were opening for Van Morrison at 
the Palladium, site of one of my first 
multiple rock-n-roll orgasms, was one 
of those meaningful meaningles 
dents that Vonnegut | funny word 
for. Rockpile is a semi-demi-supergroup 
among fans of so-called New Wave rock, 
but I was there less to ride the Trendy 
‘Train its music seems to 
come so directly from the pure sweet 
fountain of Fifties and early Sixties rock, 
the source beneath the Murray the К 
cobwebs somewhere down deep nca 


mint 


ice st 


acci- 


than because 


31 


PLAYBOY 


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32 Available on records and -track tapes only 


tapes or records 5; 


you join the Columbia Record & Тәре Club and agreeto buy 9 more selections (atregular Club prices) in the next 3 years 


First good thing: picking out 13 albums you really 
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going on and on. 


Next good thing: the day your records or tapes 
arrive. All at once 
Opening the package. 
Deciding which one to play first. 

d Then a bunch of good things happen. With a 
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To receive the 13 records or tapes you want 
now, just mail the application card together 
with check or money order for $1.86 (that's 
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PLAYBOY 


Chuck Berry, Buddy 
Everly Brothers 
Edmunds, at 
the grand old Welshman of record pro- 
ducing in England, with credits includ 
ing Ducks Deluxe, the Flamin’ Groovi 
at and Brinsley Schwarz 
1969. as producer of an album lor 
Schwarz, that he met Lowe, then lead 
singer-songwriter-bass player [or the 
group. They became good friends. 
something you see onstage—and 
Lowe began to absorb everything he 
could about producing from Edmunds 
That was considerable, since. Edmunds 
went through a period of recrea 
such rock classics as Da Doo Ron 
and Let H Roc 
and muffled gru 


Holly and the 


rong other things 


It was in 


Ron 
down to the last note 


Lowe, in the last couple of years, has 
been gaining his own reputation as a 


production whiz. He's played, written 
songs lor or produced nearly evervone 
who's anyone in British New Wave, in- 
cluding most of the creatures in the Stills 
stable, most notably among them Elvis 
Costello—whose three albums Lowe 
produced 

He and Edmunds also have separate 
areers going: Lowe's Pure Pop for Now 
People (Columbia) last 
new one is promised short 
у nels’ latest, Tracks on Wex 4 (Swan 
Song), was the reason for the current 


was released 


tour, since record-comp: lom de- 
mands touring to push what is lovingly 
referred to a 

During last spring's tour, Lowe, who 
had the newest album, billed. 
leader of the group. This time around, 
the new one is Edm 


new product.” 


жаз аз 
ands", so he gets top 
billing. |t doesn't appear t0 matter to 
them. One reason they're in the band 
together is the Lun of it 

Their Palladium show is a тахелр. 

From my balcony seat, Lowe, on bass, 
in football shirt and Levis, looks like a 
bean-pole Peter Townshend, while Ed- 
munds, on lead guitar in a black suit 
а red tie, looks a litle like Bonnie 
Franklin in Eliot Ness drag: and, come 

think of it, the rhythm 
brings to mind а slightly wasted Beaver 
Cleaver. Pure pop for now people. 

As opening act. they get maybe 40 
minutes and no encores. They use it. 
Like а one-band Murray the K show, they 
rip out winners rapid-fire, much of it 
solid as the rock of Chuck Berry and 
some af it pieces of the actual rock. The 
set is a three-braid of original tunes from 
Tracks on Wax 4 and Pure Pop laced 

ise arcana as Smiley 
Lewis 1955 Imperial hit, 1 Hear You 
Knockin’. As the set progresses, they seem 
increasingly like kids at play, truly 
plugged w atavistic fun that 
rock `n’ roll is supposed to be 


to 


guitari 


with such. truc. gr 


in to the r 


I liked it so much J saw them again 
in Chicago ten days later at the Park 
West, where they were headlining after 
Van Morrison crashed and burned fol- 
lowing his Palladium shows and Satur- 
day Night Live. 

In Chicago, the survivors had them 
acing in the aisles of the Park West 
as Lowe sang in merry triplet deseent: 


d 


And so il goes, so il goes, so il 
goes, so it goes, 
But where it's 


knous.... 


goin', no one 


Edmunds doing Chuck Berry's Prom- 
ised Land is a killer; 1 don't think I've 
ever heard anyone, other than Chuck 
himself, do better Chuck guitar. They 
are on, and Lowe hardly takes notice 
when he sproings a bass string during 
Heart of the City; he jes’ plays on. 

After the show, I talked with Lowe in 
his tour bus, parked outside, watching 
the rain fall on the black shining street 
as we talked, a gallon jug of cheapo 
California wine on the table between 
. We began with metaphysics. 
PLAYBOY: What's the appeal of it? 

Lowe: The reason why I started... E 
know it might sound very glib, but it's 
1 started because 1 thought 1 
could pull more chicks if I was in a 
group 

PLAYBOY 


пие. 


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PLAYBOY 


e you hadn't been allowed to be a rock- 
^nroller? 
something like that. I don't honestly 
quite know. | was a journalist for a 


. I was a waiter as well. I used to 
make tlie tea, basically, and they used to 
give me the odd stor 


to write up. Гус 


e e always liked writing. 
PLAYBOY: It shows in your lyrics. 
e Lowe: I always liked Chuck Berry, for 


instance, because his words were always 
Bass Tacks for men. Never has there Беепа еа tel muc very clever апа very relevant. for 
right on your feet. Nor as good looking. Bass Tacks. In a bunch of want of a better word. Also, they always 
sharp styles and colors. GH. Bass &Co., Dept. C, Wilton, ME 04294. EAE T E 


Бетпақ сатылау 1 Knew the Bride: the words are very 


much a part of the beat 
rLavsoy: When you produce an album, 
how do you see your function? 
owe: I'm not interested in sound. I 
don't know how to work the board or 
anything like that. My function is to be 
a bit of a psychologist; what 1 do is 
get people to perform. | leave all the 
sound and everything up to the engi- 
neer. And 1 figure you can only do it two. 
or three times. If 1 can't get "em to play 
in two or three times, then we'll go on 
10 someth There's a lot of bull 
shit talked about sound, nowadays. There 
are gadgets and things on domest 
equipment that you'd have to be a bat 
to tell the bloody difference. I think 
its a simple case of just turn it up and 
fiddle around with bass, middle and 
treble until it sounds good 
PLAYBOY: You don't need 32 tracks. . . 
коз E don't. think зо, по; because Шей 
you start filling them up with all sorts 
of bullshit. Look at that great stuff on 
Stas—Otis Redding, Sam amd Dave— 
RECORDING S | АР four-track, all of that. We did our El 
Costello album, Му Айт Is True, in an 
eight-track studio, and it cost about, I 
AKAI cassette decks are known world-wide for quality sound dont keow, about $2000 for the whole 
and state-of-the-art features. Including AKAI's exclusive GX record. 
Heads guaran аа НБО ОО hours lover Еа of play. Ў 


else. 


stereo 


avrov: How did you happen to get 


See our wide selection of cassette decks at your AKAI dealer, hooked up with Costello? 
or write AKAI, РО. Box 6010, Compton, CA 90224. Lowe: I've known him for years and 
“limited warranty years. 1 met him, of all places, at The 
Cavern Club in Liverpool. He lived 
there and he was a fan of a group I used 
йе i Brindley ese He jac art 
- ed talking to me. He was 17, 18 years 
You never heard it so good. old. He's not very old now—23 or 24. 


And he used to turn up to the gigs, and 
Eus uem whenever he came to London, he used to 
sort of sleep on my floor. Aud he played 
the guitar 
praynoy: Didn't he have a day 
computer programmer? 
Lowe: Yeah, he worked for Elizabeth 
Arden. He was telling the boss he was 
sick, and he was coming out and cutting 
his first album, 
riaynoy: Getting back to Rockpile, 
which of you is really the leader? 
Lower: At the moment, Dave I was, on 
the last tour. There's mo rivalry in it 
at all; it’s just good fun. We have such 


job as a 


ол & кїм FRATE HAD 


OBI BEEBE 4 : WV 


good time up there, we're real good 
friends. We fall out with each other, 
but then, that’s what friends are for. 
PLAYBOY: Isn't that rather an unusual 
sctup? 

Lowe: We're trying to change the rules, 
really. "Cos there's no rules іп rock "n 
roll. People have been saying, “You can't 
do this . 


24" but we say why not? 
Honestly, we don't really care if we're 
bending few of the rules. I mean, 
a motor mechanic, and I с 


back to the newspaper. For years, people 


Dave 


п go 


wouldn't have pissed on us if we were 

on fire, It ain't that important, really 

It's just real good fun.—bAviD к. STANDISH 
. 

Once upon a time, а French-Dutch 
writer named Huysmans wrote a novel 
called Against the Grain. His grain was 
the ennui at the end of the 19th Gen 
tury. Phoebe Snow's new album, Against 
the Groin (Columbia), is an ennui of a 
different’ platter. One is immediately 
struck by the incongruity of her sound 
and lyrics. An upbeat cut like Mama 
Don't Break Down, with a 


x solo 
by Mike Brecker, seems to belie the per 
sonal distress in her words. The pattern 
follows with You Have Not Won and 
Random Time, in which the line, "I am 
the punch line to my joke" is remi 
niscent of a revelation one might find at 
an estin—but with much less trauma, 
more Glan and at a fraction of the price 
Keep a Watch on the Shoreline is one ol 
those cuts that blends music, lyric and 
title into an organic whole. There's 
poetry in her writing, which gives vital- 
ity to her music and meanir 


to her life 
It's the kind of album that you build a 
collection around. 


. 

How to make your jazz commercial 
without gukking it up—thar's the ques- 
tion with which а lot of folks in the music 
biz are wrestling. Multi-reedman David 
“Fath ) 
poser William Fischer, who should have 
gotten. te ›. have turned 
the trick successfully on New Keep 
the Dream Alive (Prestige). The rhythms 


id" Newman and arranger /ce 


ther long 


are contemporary, even disco-danceable 
but there are no sappy strings, outol-con 
trol synthesizers or moronic choruses, only 
clean. band sounds and lots of room for 
Newman to operate. When a chorus does 
appear, it doesn't say, “Shake your boo- 
t^: it says, “Keep the dream alive.” Most 
of the material —including Stevie Won. 
der’s 1 Am Singing, Fischer's soulful As 
Good As You Are and Kenny and Yvonne 
Rankin's rubato Silver Morning—also 
sustains a fair degree of harmonic inter 
est. And Newman, always a resourceful 
soloist, deals with the chord changes 
disdaining the solo on vamps so r 
other saxophone “stars” offer, The 
up work is stellar, with nice solos by 
George Davis on guitar and Hilton Ruiz 


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PLAYBOY 


38 


and George Cables on keyboards (and 
they do jump around from one ax to 
another, but without getting near an 
or , which is nice for a change). 

rhe strings and voices that Newman 
and Fischer avoided all too obtrusive 
оп Step in to Our Life (Polydor), by Roy 
Ayers and Wayne Henderson. Both are 
topllight. jazz players when they want 
to be, and they are theoretically experts 
on how to go commercial without sound- 
ing stupid: but they sound here as if 
they shooting for a ten-year-old 
audience, 

Bill Summers, who used to steal the 
show when he toured with Herbie Han 
cock and who contributes some lively 
percussion to Newman's album, also 
misses the target om Straight to the Bank 
(Prestige). but it’s because he tried to do 
too much. His group, Summers F 
a lively outfit, featuring horns, voices 
piano / percussion sound tha 
no (also very funkadelic) 
st too much going on 
vents the group Irom defi 
its own. 


wel 


78 very 
but the: 
"m 
ing a style of 


а 

Keith Jarrett is а very brave т. 
Armed with nothing but his ten fingers 
and a prodigious ion brim-full 
of musical ideas, the pianist shows up on 
a concert stage and proceeds to fill the 
hall with improvised sound that makes 


one sit there slackjawed in disbelief. 
‘The definitive display of Jarrett’s unique 
bilities is to be found in ЕСМ» 
monumental ten-LP package titled Sun 
Bear Concerts. Recorded. in five Japanese 
cities during November of 197 
bum is Jarrett’s magnum opus. The fact 
that the music sustains itself through all 
those sides is enough of a tribute. But, 
my God, what do you do for an encor 
e 

If you haven't heard of Leif Garrett, 
don't worry. Garrett's new record Feel the 
Need (Scotti Bros.) starts off badly and 
gets progressiv 
notonously per 
one of the soi 


y worse. He uses a mo 
nt disco beat in every 
s. You can barely distin. 
guish his voice from those of the backup. 
singers. It’s a lesson on how supporting 
vocals can carry someone through an en- 
tire album. No one song is any worse 
than any other but none of them is all 
that good. Variety in both selection and 
nics ds а crucial eleme but it is 
uously absent from this album. 
. 

Tanya Tucker, Nashville's little Levied 
Lolita, America’s recent 
hard-on for the Texas Outlaw groove 
and the subsequent country-rock cross- 
over onslaught. She swaggered into an 
ersatz Vegas lounge act, with recent 
albums about as country as quiche Lor- 
raine. And now, just when her destiny 


evanesced in 


as the Brenda Lee of the Eighties seemed 
certain, comes TNT (MCA), which should 
blast her carcer right out of the deep six 

Don't be disturbed by the presence of 
syn-drums and the counterleit Linda 
Ronstadt arrangement on the opening 
tack; soon enough, you'll recover with 
the realization that, as а rock vocalist, 
Tucker far outdistances La Linda. 
Tanya Tucker's voice alone is enough 
to send a sane man into fantasies of 
apple butter and selbabuse, and on 
Heartbreak Hotel, Not Fade Away and 
Brown Eyed Handsome Man the use of 
slashing lead guitars and innovative ar- 
rangements turns rock standards into 
" Despite a penchant for ос 
casional overproducti 
uionably establ 


ndouts. 


TNT unques 
rock 


пуа ds а 


of the inside cover photo—our ex-Lo 
in a red jumpsuit and Joey Heather 
come-hither vencer—country music's loss 
is rock ^w то» gain. 


SHORT CUTS 


Al Green /Truth N’ Time (Hi): High 
gloss and etern ties, as one might 
hope to get from a man who owns both 
a church and a beauty salon 

Edwin Starr / Clean (20th-Century Fox): 
The disco igements can't smother 
his soulful voice. nor the disco 
rhythms obscure his individual style. 


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40 


MOVIES 


hard Gere has arrived. When he went 
to England early last year to play the 
male lead in John Schlesinger's “Yanks,” 
also starving Vanessa Redgrave, the 29- 
year-old actor was merely a bright, prom- 
ising new face on the movie landscape. 
By the time he got back to the U.S.A., 
critics and public alike knew Gere as 
the violent Tony who terrorized Diane 
Keaton in “Looking for Mr. Goodbar' 
as the itineranl worker in Terrence Mal- 
ick's eye-filling “Days of Heaven": as the 
New York Italian boy who wants to 
his roots іп “Bloodbrothers.” 
Three major movies with name direc- 
tors in little more than a year is not 
just. promise, it’s wham-bam-pow. Only 
hours after he jetted from London to 
w York, Gere was tapped to chat with 
ene Shalit on the “Today Show.” He 
«s invited to host “Saturday Night 
w” but said no. Journalists of every 
persuasion were ready to stand in line 
for an exclusive hour or so of his com- 
pany, and the Richard Gere poster was 
hot off the presses, needing only his final 
OK to make him a certified male sex 
symbol—tight jeans, unbuttoned shirt, 
a let’s-dance look, the whole bit. The 
phone was ringing incessantly, of course, 
in Gere's suite at the Sherry Netherland, 
where Contributing Editor Bruce. Wil- 
liamson caught up with him to find out 
why he officially deplores interviews. It 
wasn’t necessary to ask. 
Gere declared himself still in shock 


ter his Today Show gig. "I walked into 
this set and self-destructed. 1 started 
giggling, put my hand over my face and 


smoked a cigarette through ту finges 
Looking like a real asshole.” 

"He looked cute. Shalit liked it,” said 
a bright girl named Peggy, representing 
a publicrelations firm Gere hired 
to help him control the media blitz. 

“We'll see. When Shalit asked. "Who 
is Richard теу all 1 could say 
"This is ridiculous." And it is ridiculous, 
just absurd. 1 haven't resolved what 
television means. The whole thing 
lies: Sell yoursell. Be charming for ten 
minutes. Yet it's not dangerous enough. 
The people ıdience watch 
you аге voyew Hy removed. from. 
the experience. It’s another cold, cold 
nce, and there ari 
N nees in this world. 

You became a star, т а sense, while 
your back was turned. Doesn't that warm 
you? 

“Yeah. Well, when I left for England 
in March, I knew what was going to hap- 
pen, though it's kind of weird to hear 
bout it over the telephone. The buzz 
ly in the air in LA. When T 
hed Bloodbrothers, 1 became what 
y People knew 
about me or heard about me and wanted 


Conversing with Richard 
Gere, amateur lensman and 
hot new movie property. 


to work with me, even though I was still 
totally unknown. Thats been happen- 
ing since the first rough cut of Goodbar. 
The bloodsuckers are quick, always look- 
nest guy to make a buck 


on 


How do you like your posters? 

c grimaced and gave Peggy per- 
to drag one out. "Oh, God, look. 
like any of them much. This 

a little better taste, but it's still 

nothing. They painted in some hair be- 

cause my hair's shorter now, and 1 had 
to lighten it for Yanks, Its so weird, 

п. T got into this whole fucking thing, 
specific madness, because T wasn't 

going to do any publicity. M 

freaked. He said, "You can't do that 

have no career if you don't do publicity 

I said, "Fuck it, I don't care Then we 

compromised and made a poster deal.” 
What was your background before you 

became a pinup? 

“Thea 


I didnt 


Danny Zuko in 
Grease o and opened the 
show in London. Then, back һе I 
played Shanks the tit salesman, who 
comes to do fittings, in the Broadway 
production of Habeas Corpus.” As а 
University of Massachusetts dropout 
from a farming family in Syracuse, New 
York, Gere discovered he could ас, 
played summer stock on Cape Cod. and 
served his apprenticeship in regional 
theater before Grease t him to Lon- 
don. where he stayed by invitation to 
work with the Young Vic—playing a 
character rt in The Taming of the 
Shrew. Like many an overnight success, 
he's got ten hard years behind him, 


“My first movie was Report to the 
Commissioner . . . Y played a Puerto 
Rican pimp. Then I was the shell. 
shocked psycho in Baby Blue Marine, 
the guy who meets Jan-Michael Vincent 
in he ends up kicking the shit out 
of me and taking my uniform.” 

Although his film roles have tended to 
carry a strong ethnic slant, Gere doesn't 
quite know why. "Just sort of happened 
that the best parts offered me the 
few years have been dagos or wh: 
The real m 
ged the spelling 
maybe because we were 
'Ccount name is 


И GOAT o ai 
for some 
horse thieves. My һап 


Richard Tiffany С Tillanys my 
mothers maiden name. 

distant relatives to 

Tiffanys. Which means we get no 
money... ." 


The phone kept ringing. Although 

еге interest was piqued by a 
series of calls he had received irom a 
girl In Rio de Janciro. 
“This chick I've never met keeps calling 
me up from Brazil. I don't know how 
they find vou but they do. A lot of fruit- 
cakes started coming on to me alter Mr 
Goodbar. All kinds. They want to drop. 
over lor a drink, or they want you to 
come over there for a drink. They 
assure you you'll enjoy yourself. 

Are we going 10 discuss your sex life 
now? 
verybody else does. That's been the 
general drift of the questions so far. A 
couple of weirdos got in here tod 
women reporters. The first one started 
right away by asking, "How does it feel 
to be а sex symbol? 

“Tell him what 
prompted. 

I got up, dropped my p: 
said, ‘Look, this is what it's like. 
else could I do: 

How did she react? 

“She just went on taking notes. Maybe 
she's seen better.” 

Gerés second such encounter, c; 
in the day, 1 writer from. 
a European woman's magazine. Her open- 
ing shot was: "Are you gay оғ straigh 
АП my friends at home want to know.” 
Before the interview ended, he was lving 
on a se h his head in the lady's lap. 

“I give great interview on the couch,” 
he cracks, “only Fm getting bedsores.” 
Although Gere acknowledges a weakness 
en ("beautiful n") he 
drops no names and Папу h 
ng questions 
lationship with actress Penelope Millord 
(who played Jane Fonda’s best friend in 
Coming Home). 1 aison seems to 
shave entered a paintul period of adjust- 
ment since he came home from Europe. 
Another subject on which Gere remains 


did, 


you 


id been with 


for w 


won 


bout his five- 


sw 


stubbornly reticent is his music. Althoug! 
he sang onstage in Grease amd plays 
т and piano creditably, he has 
mbitions. “Music is just me, 
I enjoy it. It's the only private thing 
I've got left. I doubt if I would ever do 
a big media number, making records and 
all that hype. No way. 1 don't think I 
could handle it. 

Lels talk more about your movies. 
“Days of Heaven” was the most highly 
touted, but didn’t the other films actual- 
ly do more [or your career? 

"Generally, I've just been very lucky 
in the people I've worked with. I had a 


ar, si 


no musis 


good time making Mr. Goodbar. Diane 
was wonderful, and 1 like Richard 


Brooks. He's crazy and can be incredibly 
violent . .. but he's also a very talenter 
sensitive man. Bloodbrothers without 
doubt was the most satisfying film ex 
perience I've ever had. I loved every 
minute | worked on it because Bob 
Mulligan, who directed, gives an actor 
confidence. 

“When I finally saw Days of Heaven, 
I liked it better than 1 thought I would. 
Still, I was having petit mal every time 
Terry would cut. Shivers went through 
me. The way scenes are normally con- 
structed, you sort of do elliptical dances 
until you get into the meat of a scene. 
What Terry did was, he left in the eb 
liptical dancing and cut out the meat. 
The way we originally shot it, there were 
jor, drama nate scenes, be- 
cause it's a fucking incredible story, like 
something by Thomas Hardy. Id like 
to buy the stuff that was nof used and 
put out my own film, that's what T'A 
like to do. 

Interrupted by another phone call, 
Gere excused himself to talk to the lady 
who had provoked him into dropping his 
trousers. "She thinks I'm quite disturbed, 
but she won't write anything bad about 
me." He re-entered the room brandish- 
ing a 35mm camera and several copies 
of a publication called Wet (The М 
zine Тат Gourmet Bathing). Сее found 
Wet wild and wonderful. He had prom 
ised to shoot a self-portrait for the cover 
of a forthcoming issue, plus a seminude 
mooning shot to run inside, which he 
would get by shooting himsell over 
the shoulder, b sed, into а mirror. 
(He missed Wet's deadline, as luck would 
have it.) 

Richard Gere is not your average up- 
coming superstar. He wants to pl. 
Shakespeare's Coriolanus on the New 
York stage. He wants to make a movie 
based on a story called Urban Cowboy, 
and he has eyes for another script drawn 
nd Isolde legend. He 
turned down Italy's Michelangelo Anto- 
nioni, who wanted him for a film titled 
Suffer or Dic. Me wishes he had done 
The Deer Hunter, but they chose Robert 
DeNiro for the t. Meanwhile, Yanks 
is coming, with Gere as a U. S. Army cook 
who falls in love with an English girl 


Superman scores; 
Jane Fonda joins 
Michael Douglas, Jack 
Lemmon in а socko 
cerebral cliff-hanger. 


China Syndrome's Douglas, Fonda. 


during World War Two. "There's noth- 
ing t0 do with the war,” Gere says, "and I 
don't have any scenes opposite Vanessa 
Im with a new girl named Lisa Eichhoi 
in a small town in Yorkshire at the time 
of the build-up before D day. The stor 
is about people in transit. I don't know 
what I'll do next. I may never work 
Maybe ГЇ open up а dry-goods store іп 
New Jersey, my lifelong ambition.” 
. 

Most of the major movies held over 

from the late unlamented 1978—hardly 


а banner year for film buils—came limp- 
ing in at year's end like a gaggle of 
ion, low 


holiday turkeys. High 
return was the rule, with 
decidedly on the down side. 

One happy exception was the 
borne Superman, a biggic all but begging 
to be deflated. When they sink over 
$30,000,000 (up to $70,000,000, depend- 


ing on which trade paper you trust, and 
Warner Bros. won't talk budgets, at least 
not to me) in a comicstrip spectacular 
loaded with stars whose salaries are astro- 
nomical, value judgments become hard 
to resist. Irs only natural to wonder 
lon Brando, say—in a silver 
wig as Superman’s unnatural natural Fa- 
ther, droning out space-time deepthink 
on the doomed planet Krypton—is real- 
ly worth several million bucks. Of course 
he isn't. If you're going to be sensible, 
forget Superman. If you want to indulge 
in some mindless fun, here are vicarious 
thrills, flashes of wit, droll performances 
and many incidental pleasures, concocted 
by director Richard Donner and a task 
force of writers, including Mario Puzo, 
David and Leslie (Mr. and Mrs.) New 
man. Robert Benton and “creative con 
sultant” Tom Mankiewicz. Donner broke 
into the big time with The Omen, and 
that’s a clue that Superman was designed 
as superschlock tongue-in-cheek enter- 
ainment. Medium-high camp. 

As our hero, Christopher Reeve is a 
perfect square-jawed. jock, dedicated to 
“truth and justice and the American 
way.” He's also deadpan funny, especial- 
ly when he tries to do his first Superman 
transformation in a modern sireet-corner 
phone май not designed for quick 
And Margot Kidder, as Lois 
guiling damsel in distress 
o makes Superman credible because 
we believe she believes all the rem 
able things that happen to her (thou 
few girl reporters ever dwelt in a te 
raced Har with such splendid skyline 
views), Gene Hackman, Valerie Perrine 
and Ned Beatty portray Superman's arch- 
foes, nonchalantly hatching evil plots 
along with banter so ayptic you can al- 
most sce balloons of dialog floating over 


their heads. Brando, Susannah Y 
Jackie Cooper, Glenn ‘Trevor 
Howard, Terence Stamp Maria 


Schell pop up in the constellation of 
celebrity guests. Superman doesn’t really 
need them once he starts working wor 
ders around Metropolis, nor docs the 
novie itself need quite so much empha 
sis on Star Wars special effects. Lest any- 
опе accuse this spendthrift spectacular 
of being pound-foolish, there's enough 
footage still in the can to guarantee a 
sequel. Superman 11 will be launched 
n the summer of 1980. 
. 

What a pleasure it is these days to 
watch Jane Fonda. She is as beautiful, 
ad versatile as any contempo. 
movie actress, while retaining tha 
old-time ad іс she must have 
inherited from Dad. Best of all, her fire- 
brand convictions of yesteryear аге now 
mellowed and matured so that any film 
she agrees 10 do—from Julia and Gom- 
ing Home to Comes a Horseman and 
California Suite—carries a virtual Fone 
guarantee. She may not hit her full strid 
every time, yet you know damn well she 


41 


PLAYBOY 


is cd 
the responsibilities of stardom— 
means, in effect, that any project she 
kes is unlikely to insult a movie- 
goers intelligence or be just another 
Je for superstarry exploitation. 
Those verbal bouquets are merely а 
prelude to my praise of The China Syn- 
drome, a cerebral clif-hanger that com- 
bines star power with nuclear power to 
produce exciting topical entertainment 
of a high order. In fact, Power was the 
original, rather apt working title for this 
cogent drama directed by James Bridges, 
Irom a crisp original screenplay by Mike 
ay and T. S. Cook, with Fonda, М 
1 Dou ad Jack Lemmon as co- 
stars, subduing their celebrated personas 
by sheer strength of conviction. Douglas 
produced China Syndrome as well, while 
Jane's own company joined forces with 
him to make it happen. Lemmon's con- 
tribution is simply a blisteringly honest 
nce that ought to step up the 


fter his heady Broadway triumph in 
Tribute last year. Jack plays the prudent 
supervisor of opérations at a nuclear- 
power plant, a man of conscience whose 
faith in the work he docs is shaken by 
the discovery that substandard construc 
tion a 


nd safety measures could. wipe out 
the entire state of omi; 
s a TV roving reporter and her cam- 
eraman- former West Coast radical 
who joins the establishment on occa- 
sional free-lance gigs—Jane and Michael 
happen to be taping а routine plug for 
the wonderful world of atomic ene 
when an imminent nuclear accident trig- 
gers a red alert. That near catastrophe 
brings the trio together to buck gov- 
ernment, private enterprise and more 
mysterious powers-that-be, including the 
network where Jane is employed—and 
where her latent feminist. instincts al- 
ready fester because she's supposed to 
lay off hard news and stick to human- 
interest stories or treks to the zoo "for 


"Thus, a seem 
explodes into 
begets a cover-up, which begets h 
level conspiracy, reckless endangerm 
murder and worse. A nuclear physicist 
would be needed to judge China Syn- 
drome for scientific accuracy. All 1 can 
vouch for is a timely harrowing tale, sure 
to produce sweaty palms and some scary 


second thoughts, Good show. 
. 


Tomlin and Travolta . . . Tomlin 
and Travolta. "That's Lily Tomlin, John 
‘Travolta. The two and only. With such 

proven, potent pair mingling chemis- 
ies, how could à movie miss? Here" 
sexy but sensi- 


peekaboo with his crotch, or move in 


42 Close about every five minutes to catch 


Tomlin, Travolta paired. 


Tomlin and Travolta make 
a flick of little Moment; 
see spooky Wicker Man, martial 
Circle of Iron, instead. 


Circle's Carradine, Cooper. 


his eyes brimful of tears—if that doesn’t 
grab "еш out in Greaseville, nothing will. 
The boy is obviously sincere: He's "into 
sand castles" and says he has “had it with 
cheap sex." Let Tomlin, completely mis- 
сам as a bored Beverly Hills housewile, 
caught between her unfaithful husband 
the realtor and her winsome bi 
play it straight. Boy digs woman. Wom- 
an needs boy. Woman knows he's too 


young for her, but once he has started 
splashing around in her Jacuzzi, who 
es? Pick an all-purpose title like Mo- 
ment by Moment, and leave the rest to 
writer-director J Wagner. She's a 
mainstay of Tomlin’s professional en- 
tow nd ought to know what's best 
for Lily, right? Wrong. They're both 
such talented people. Right. Travolta, 
Tomlin . . . everyone loves them. Maybe 
you could still gross millions, even if Mo- 
ment by Moment went wrong. Maybe. 
. 

Filmed in Scotland in 1973 and sub- 
sequently shelved, edited 4 1 reshelved, 
The Wicker Mon has been taken out of 
moth balls just often enough to begin ac- 
quiring a reputation as a neglected hor- 
classic. Actually, Wicker Man is 
genuine horror film nor a cer- 
tiliable classic, though its qualities as 
a unique, imaginative, thinkingman's 
shocker arc easier to discern now that 
author Anthony Shaffer (who wrote 
Sleuth and Hitchcock's Frenzy) and direc- 
tor Robin Hardy have managed to re- 
store the movie to something like its 

igina] form. Shaffer's mesmerizing tale 
gains momentum right away, when а 
staid police inspector (Edward Wood 
ward) arrives on a deceptively peaceful 
Scottish isle to investigate the dis 
ance of a young girl. The islande 
man, claim they have never heard of he 
But the inspector persists, begins to note 
alarming evidence of pagan sex rituals 
and sun worship and ultimately encoun- 
ters the worldly laird (Christopher Lee, 
in one of his subtlest incarnations of evil) 
whose private domain is a kind of mod- 
ern Stonehenge, or at least equally un- 
athomable. Shaffer drew upon ancient 
Celtic mysteries as his source of inspira- 
ion for Wicker Man, which abounds in 
small spooky surprises that would be 
spoiled by telling. Diane Cilento, Ing 
Pitt and comely Britt Ekland (uninhib- 
ited even for a pagan, though her voice is 
disconcertingly dubbed) blend into the 
breath-taking island scenery. If you like 
clif-hangers, hypnotic spells and edge-of- 
the-seat stulf, sce for yourself. 

. 


Dedicated to the late Bruce Lee, Cirde 
of Iron is the definitive marti: 
If you're not into Zen or ku 
don't know a haiku from a hole in the 
head, some of the film's prattle about 
Courage, nlighten- 
ent and a holy quest for the Book of 
Knowledge may sound faintly foolish or 
uperficial. When the movie's message is 
er epic soul searching 
iniscent 


of Homer's Ulysses с 
all that’s said in essence is wha 

re, as usu : above 
all, to thine own self be tru etc, It's 
not my intention to belittle or patronize 
Circle of Iron, just to put it in perspec- 
tive for other stubborn nonbelievers of 
my ilk, whose idea of rigorous physical 


Shak 


with a great performer: көрем | 


Toig: essential to a 
good performance and this 
Globe Circler suit of Tourister* 
fabric has it. The texturized 
Today's Dacron* polyester 
fabric by Klopman* is 
perfectly timed for fickle 
spring weather. Warm for cool 
days, cool for warm ones. The 
sand color's super with a 
suntan... There's nothing like 
gabardine for showing off fine 
tailoring and my vested 
Duster suit does it. Cool gray 
Suraline* gabardine by 
Klopman that keeps its trim 
lines crisp through many 
wearings." 


APPAREL INC. 


АКЕ SHORE B в 


Portrait of Don Jose Antonio De Cuervo, founder of the Cuervo distillery. 


In 1795 this man had 
adream. 

To make Cuervo Gold 
a gift to the ages. 


Don Jose Antonio De Cuervo was a 
man steeped in tradition. A man who had 
but one thing in mind when he opened his 
distillery in Tequila. To give birth to a drink 
that would become immortal. 

Thus was born Cuervo Gold. As 
tradition-bound as the man it’s named for, 
Cuervo Gold is still created as he created it 
over 180 years ago. 

It is this dedication to tradition that 
makes Cuervo Gold truly spe- 
cial. Neat, on the rocks, with a 
splash of soda, in a perfect Sun- 
rise or Margarita, Cuervo Gold 
will bring you back to a time 
when quality ruled the world. 

Cuervo. 
The Gold standard since 1795. 


(CUERVO ESPECIAL@ TEQUILA. 80 PROOF IMPORTED AND BOTTLED BY © 1978 HEUBLEIN, INC, HARTFORD, CONN. 


discipline begins with an cxtradry mar 
tini and is apt to end with staving up all 
night. Black-belied mystics. however, are 
bound 10 embrace the movie. In the 
Stirling Silliphant-Stanley Mann screen. 
play, based on a story by Lee, Silliphant 
and actor James Coburn (who originally 
intended to co-star with Lee), Jel! Cooper 
has what was Coburn’s role as Cord, a 
warrior and seeker of truth at an un 
specified time Jand that never 
David Carradine, expertly subbin; 
Lee on turf he knows from long е 
ence, plays a quadruple role as various 
characters Cord. encounters on his jour 
ney. When Cord is not preoccupied with 
hand-to-hand combat, he wanders into 
amusingly erotic episodes with Eli Wal 
lach (as а lusty penitent standing in а 
barrel in the middle of a vast desert, 
righteously dissolving the lower hall of 
his body) and with Erica Creer (such a 
comely embodiment of desire that 
Cord's vow of chastity snaps). There are 
hints here and there that Circle of Iron 
may be а tongue-in-cheek ЕГ Topo that 
tern philosophy 100 
with a grain of salt, or 
bit stronger, the 
movie is trippy, entertaining and photo- 
graphed on location with splendid exotic 
trappings in Israel and Hollywood. 
. 

Every time Sophia Loren appears in 
Brass Target—usually in a trench coat. 
looking world-weary and used—Sophia's 
theme music throbs on the sound tack 
She's obviously a lady who knows the 
score, and she’s been through this num 
ber so many times she can play for 
pathos in her sleep. It’s the old story 
of beauty and the brass, with Loren as 
a woman who survives on the martial 
plan by bouncing from hed to bed across 
war-torn Europe. Meanwhile, John Cas 
savetes, George Kennedy, Robert 
Vaughn, Edward Herrmann, Patrick Mc 
Goohan, Bruce Davison, Max Von Sydow 
and а bunch of the boys are whooping 


up a bogus melodrama about a plot to 
ass General George 8. Patton 
during the frenetic days just after World 


Two. Patton died in Germany 
in a car accident in December 1915: 
Brass Target hypothesizes that he could 
have been the victim of a conspiracy 
because he was investigating the thelt 
of $250,000,000 in German gold. Most 
of the bad guys are on our side, which 
makes things sticky. Novelist Frederick 
Nolan, who wrote the book that evolved 
imo Brass Target, allegedly considers it 
a "Ва sc 1 Fd say its 
dose The Day of the Jackal but 
dehydrated and dullish despite а sub 
stantial body count. George Kennedy 
plays Patton at the top of his lungs, as 
il he hoped to outshout any echo of 
George C. Scott. No hope. 
. 

There's more political chicanery afoot 

іп The French Detective, an adroit Gallic 


PLAYBOY 


The Interwoven Man. 


Hes got 
socks peal 


The man who plays to succeed wears 
Interwoven Sportwick the quality athletic sock. So even 
when he works up a sweat from head to toe, his feet 
stay dry. For him, ordinary sweat socks won’t do. Because 
the Interwoven Man has socks appeal. 


Xnterwoven 
Socks 


46 €) 1979 Kayser-Roth Hosiery, Inc. 


thriller starring Lino Ventura, who ex 
presses more by doing less in the under 
stated. grand manner of Jean Gabi 
Spencer Tracy and few other film stars 
Ventura’s forceful presence probably ac 
counts for French Detectiv 


s runaway 
success in Paris (where it was titled die 
Poulet), yet writer Francis. Veber and 
director Pierre Granier-Deferre spin out 
a provocative, classically simple por 
trait of a provincial police inspector who 
stumbles into heavy trouble while pursu 
ing a cop killer. The t 
ght ıo a popular. ruthless you 
politician (Victor Lanoux), waging a 
tough election campaign—ihe city is 
Rouen—and using all his clout to quash 
any suspicion that he's had homicidal 
on his payroll. Despite the tradi 
al chase scenes and shootouts and 
terrorist acts, French Detective is actual- 
ly a morality play with some unexpected 
fringe benefits. Plenty of casually color 
ful detail about the ho-hum pace of 
police work. when the sirens aren't wail- 
ing, lends credence to a very testy, warm 
relationship between the idealistic old 
cop and his bumptious young side-kick 
(Patrick. Dewacre)—a corruptible rookie 
who's just beginning to assimilate а pro 
fessional code of honor, while the sea- 
soned veteran is discovering it doesn't 
work. 


dis. 


il of clues I 


° 

Current screen romances run the 
gamut from tepid to tedious to the 
whimpering banality ol Oliver's Story 
Does anyone need to be reminded that 
this is Erich Segal’s Love Story revisited? 
The second time around, Ryan O'Neal 
ıs Oliver wears a furrowed brow in per 
petual mourning for his first wile until 
he meets a beautiful girl named. Marcie 
Bonwit. ОГ the departmentstore Bon- 
wits, she bravely confesses. Candice Ber 
gen plays the smitten heiress. She's sorry 
he's sad. He's sorry he's not quite ready 
for a new lie. So wl 
after they have said they've sorry any 
number of times? In Oliver's Story. love 
means never having to say you're rich, 
privileged and obviously made [or cach 
other. Well, things are tough all over 
What do you say about à movie that dies 
a lingering death, consumed from within 
by the blues and the blahs? I'm just 
sorry that John Korty directed t 
rier in the second place that Seg: 
it, sorvier still that the final тесі is lit 
tered with menacing little narrative 
hooks on which to hang another sequel. 
Brace yourselves. 


1 they хау, 


is, sor 


al wrote 


E 

Crime pays, handsomely, іш The Brink's 
Job, director William Friedkin’s comic 
valentine to the bunch of w 
guys who robbed Brink's of Boston in 
January 1950. The way Friedkin and 
writer Walon Green tell it (lifting the 
essential facts from a book by Noel 
Belin), that heist was a landmark in the 
history of disorganized crime. A couple 


1 and crazy 


Wouldn't miss the Reverend Judd's “Evils of Drink” 
sermon for love nor money. Reckon when you're in the 
home distillery business it pays to know what the 
competition is thinking. So, one Sunday a year, me 
and the boys head for town, done up in our best. 
Which this year includes these fine looking new 
Timberland handsewn shoes we've got on. 
Latest thing from the folks who make our 
boots that we wear for tending the mash 
and making deliveries. Our Timberland 
handsewns are made with real soft leathers 
and they will keep fitting right and 


— 
سے 


looking natty for a long time ‘cause they're all hand 
lasted and hand sewn. They are also leather lined and 
got a padded collar so they're nice and comfortable 
over a long walk. Which is the way Reverend Judd 
prefers us to arrive. Parking our delivery car outside 
the church seems to make the Reverend real nervous! 


A whole line of fine leather boots 
and shoes that cost plenty, and should, 


‘The Timberland Company, Newmarket, New Hampshire (0027 


p 


PLAYBOY 


of survivors of the caper, still alive and 
well-to-do, served as technical consul 
to Friedkin, number of crooks in on 
the job reduced from I to 
seven, a lucky number when the first [our 
e played, with gusto, by Peter Falk. 
Peter Boyle, Paul Sorvino and Warren 
Oates, either as creeps or as habitual 
criminals of such towering ineptitude 
that 1 doubted whether they could suc 


cessfully hijack a pusl Its per 
versely satisfying to Jea at Brink's 
security was so laughable that the joint 


could 


been knocked over by Laurel 
and Hardy. Morally, the movie sits on 
soft custard—urging us to cheer for the 
wrongdoers and pray that по oue will 
squeal before the statute of 


inita 
rims out. After the robbery, Brink's Job 
falls apart, covering so much grow 
such a hurry that time, place and plot 
become a blur. Amid great confusion, 
one wry historical footnote. emerges 
J. Edgar Hoover of the FBI spent 
approx! mately 525,000,000 (more than 
ten times the sum stolen and never re 
covered) to crack the case, w 
thought was Comm nd 
perhaps “the most dangerous conspiracy 
that's ever tl «d this паш 


nd in 


ich he 


FILM CLIPS 


The American Game: High school basker- 
ball is the sport scruti 
poetic close encounter with two gifted 
didates for athletic scholarships. 
Brian Walker of Lebanon, Indiana, and 
Stretch Graham of Bensonhurst, Brook- 
lyn. What's different about them is that 
one boy is white, one black; one, from 


cause he 
the same is the will to win, the p 
vouthful indecision compounded by 


nlikely subject into a соті 
flesh-and-blood drama about making it 
the Ameri 
ke Castles: Against dewy background 
music by Marvin. Hamlisch, 19-year-old 
Lynn-Holly Johnson (of Ice Capades) 
loves and loses and regains Robby Ben- 
son in a rinky-dink romantic saga that 
makes those Sonja Неше musicals of 
yesteryear look relatively cyni 
Get Out Your Handkerchiefs: Gerard 
Depardieu plays a desperately modern 
husband who offers his bored, beautiful 
young wife (Carole Laure) to a total 
stringer (Patrick Dewaerc), hoping the 
change will cure her fainting spells and 
fits of depression. Nothing really helps 
until she becomes passionately fixed on. 
3yearold schoolboy. To tell more 
might spoil what few surprises there are 
in a weird French comedy by writer- 
director Bertrand Blier. 
REVIEWS BY BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


TELEVISION 


he cuttin; 
af John Updike’ 
celebrated short sto- 
ries about. Richard 
and Joan Maple— 
a suburban married 
couple who use sex 
as a deadly weap- 
kept razor 
1 Too Far to 
Go, a two-hour dra 
matic special tent 
tively scheduled for 
airing by NBC TV. 
on Monday evenin 
March 12. (Ch 
your listings f 
posible switching 
later di Un 
the only 


on—is 
sharp 


m: 


Moriarty, Danner in tender moment. 


of pe 


son" Typi 
cally, Richard's r 

sponse to any act 
of kindness tends to 
be wry acknovledg- 
nt laced with 
gratuitous cruelty, 
the order of: 
such а nice 
woman, T. с 
derstand why 1 
unhappy with you.” 
Moriarty’s portrait 
ol a chronic seduc 
er is unconvent 
al but memorable 
Hes detiched, im- 


150 


guid att 
Cocksure imitation 


and sc 
cewful — dramat 
tion of Updike was 
а segment of PBS's 
American Short Sto- 


Updike's tales make 
the move to prime-time 
television—with class; 


of adulthood. Moi 
projects 
ed s 
wity that his 
poor Richard could 


ry series last year. obscure Oscar winners be cither a closet 
Encouraged by th get new attention. queen or a smug. 
Short Story pro insecure, 40ish tee 


ducer Robert 
hired playwright 
adapt the Maples 
more or less continuous 
upheaval, then got Fielder Cook (w 
er of six Emmy awards) to direct it. Add 
the inspired casting of Michael Mor 

and Blythe Danner as the embattled 
mates, and Too Far to Go begins to look 


ller 


William Hanley 10 


like a coup de tube Гог advocates of adult 
n prime time on a major network 


wmentary by defin 
mate slice of life begins on a 
Richard and Je 


years of marriage. While weathering the 
current storm, they relive in flashbacks 
some of the diabolical methods employed 
by people who constantly test and torture 
ch other, as if the bonds of matri- 
mony аге S/M devices guaranteed to 
draw blood. Needless to say, the р 
they play become doubly provocative 
with author Updike's own divorce and 
riage to add a fillip of historical 
sight. 

The actors, given dialog that leaps off 
the p th wounding accuracy, make 
every syllable sting. Most of the couple's 
conversations turn to the subject of in- 

у. both ad i ed, and 
пег performance i 
ven from v 
trial runs to defiant, angui 
tions about the other men she's had. Her 
playing s clear, is adultery in 
selidefense against a compulsi 
whose "usual way," she accuses him, is 
to dish out "a teaspoon of sugar in a cup 


rcal 


de 


D: 
of a lady dri 


ound, ii 


as the finest swordsman on the block. 


Too Far to Go shows us a man and a 
woman who are miserable, pathetic, vul- 
ruthless, mutually destructive 


average th 
t like to think. An 


ny of us 
ably low- 


key cal score by Elizabeth Swados 
supplies italics only where italics are 
appropriate in an unnerving display ol 


Updike’s Scenes from a Marriage, Ате 
can style. 


. 

Already in progress over Public Broad 
casting outlets, with a half-dozen hour 
long programs still to 


come, Academy 


Leaders ollers an unusual. fringe benefit 
watch 


for film buffs who the Oscar 
awards every spring 
the prize-winning movies they 
see—not the big feature att 
ich are widely touted and virtually 
impossible to avoid. Academy Leaders 
concentrates on. Osca 
ners in the Short egory—thr 
or four films cach week. Dated 1919 10 
1977, these so-called * 
range from Robert. Amı 
tinels of Silence (Mexican antiquities in 
а documentary narrated by Orson Welles, 
deemed worthy of two Academy Awards) 
and Nort cLa Neighbors (a 
ion classic about war) to 
genheim's Robert Kennedy 
Remembered (1968). Author-host-nar 
tor Norman Corwin, a multimedia 
who has spent decades panning for gold 
in the gutters of mainstr 
ought 10 be your best possible guide on 
this generous, enlightened jun 


ctions, 


wi 


SHOWN: LA TEAM. about 515. 


50 


s inflation and the dollar’s poor per- 
formance against other currencies 
worsen, we can get away with fewer and 
fewer personal fiscal mistakes before be- 
coming ripe for serious trouble. ‘The art 
of handling your money is seldom taught 
in school; you're expected to bumble 
along, making costly faux pas, until, if 
lucky, you finally wise up. Jane Bryant 
Quinn's Everyone's Money Book (Delacorte) 
can help you avoid some of those pitfalls. 
Quinn, Newsweek's personal-finance col- 
umnist, has done a terrific job in organiz- 
ing her material and setting it all down 
in a lucid and simple, though not con- 
descending, manner. This book can save 
you a lot of money; it takes you through 
the motions of buying life insurance, 
a house, investments, everything that 
touches on how you spend your income. 
This is not a book you read at one 
sitting: it’s the sort of thing that becomes 
a trusted friend, Unlike Sylvia Porter's 
famous Money Book, it is neither pon- 
derous nor intricate. And unlike Andrew 
Tobias The Only Investment Guide 
You'll Ever Need, it is not glib. Every- 
one’s Money Book should go a long way 
toward solving your money problems. For 
starters, its price is tax deductible, 
E 
Lets hear it for the Supernatural 
Seventies. This decade secn the re- 
birth of the horror story. Possessed souls, 
reincarnation, manitous, ESP, Count 
Dracula and, of course, ghosts. People 
seem less interested in explaining murder 
and mayhem in human terms than they 
do in opting for something darker: “The 
Devil made me do it.” Peter Straub's 
novel, Ghost Story (Coward, McCann & 
Geoghegan), is the latest offering: We 
suspect that it became a main selection 
of the Book-of-the-Month Club not for 
its literary q a supply to 
meet the demand. The premise is nice; A 
young novelist visits a small town where 
a group of old men called The Chowder 
Society have taken to telling one another 
ghost stories: “What was the worst thing 
you've ever done? I won't tell you that, 
but PI tell you the worst thing that ever 
happened to me . . . the most dreadful 
thing.” It seems that the group activity 
summons ап evil power, and the members 
actually begin to scare one another to 
death, Like we said: a nice premise. The 
problem is its execution: Ghost Story 
won't scare you to death—but it may put 
you to sleep. 


ities but. 


. 

Jonathan Fast’s The Inner Circle (Dela- 
corte) is a new twist on the old allegory 
of man's selling his soul to the Devil. The 
Devil in this case is Tezcalipoca, the 
Aztec god of evil, and Faust's counter- 
parts arc a group of. Hollywood writers, 
actors and producers who, every ten 


Money Book: really for everyone. 


At last, a really 
readable book on money; 
but from Straub and Ellin, 

doses of boredom. 


Ghost Story: zzzzzzz. 


years, sacrifice one of their members to 
"Tezcatlipoca in a bloody ceremony, there- 
by guaranteeing another ten ycars of 
fame and fortune for the survivors. While 
Fast’s writing is nothing special, his sar- 
donic vision of Hollywood makes The 
Inner Circle an easy read. 
. 

Did you ever want to quit your job 
and just go play handball? Then Killshot 
(Pinnacle Books), by Tom Alibrandi, 


the book for you. It tells the story of a 
guy who does just that. Barry West, 2 
26-year-old accountant, is good at bis job, 
but what he likes most is to play hand- 
ball. What he likes next best is to play 
with his ladyfriend, Susan Burnett. What 
he likes least is his boring job, but he has 
ange sense of company loyalty that 
he cannot explain. 

Then there is this guy named Tate 
Coldiron, a gimpy 19-year-old ex-profes- 
sional handball player who drinks a lot 
of bourbon and scouts talent in local 
athletic clubs. When Coldiron finds a 
player with potential, like Barry West, 
he recruits that player into going on an 
local 


a su 


informal circuit with him, play 
Ys and posh clubs and making side bets 
on his man. The reader learns а lot 
about the sport of handball, manhood, 
coaching and being coached. 

б 

‘This is the year of the body. Sparked 
by the running craze, publishers have 
been offering a book or 12 à month on 
all aspects of physical abuse (or what- 
ever you choose to call training). Sports 
Without Pain (Summit), by Ben E. Ben- 
jamin, appealed to the coward in us: 
We believe in the competitive spirit as 
long as it does not involve self-destruc- 
tion. Benjamin believes that the secret to 
injury-free sports is proper warmin 
He points out that Jim Brown mana 
to complete his career without serious 
injury—in part because he was so re- 
Taxed on field and court. Sports With- 
out Pain is а collection of warm-up 
exercises, tension-release exercises and, 
for good measure, posture-improvement 
exercises that will supposedly prepare 
you for combat. We laid hands on an 
advance copy of the book last Novem- 
ber and thought we'd try some of the 
exercises for ski season. By the time 
we finished warm-ups, the ski season was 
over and we had, indeed, avoided injury. 
Not bad. In truth, the book is a worthy 
addition to your gym locker. 

. 

Stanley Ellin's Star tight, Star Bright (Ran- 
dom House) is one of those mystery 
stories that goes through the motions of 
being suspenseful, Ironically, it does have 
a topical focus: A private investigator is 
asked to examine certain threats and 
incidents directed against a religious cult. 
Holy Jonestown! What exquisite timing! 
But no, Ellin is not up to any real сх- 
ploration of that subject. What we get 
instead is a gimmicky plot without any 
glitz: a knife without fingerprints, letters 
typed on one typewriter, a slaughtered 
dog. questions of who stayed in which 
cottage, meaningless seductions, all writ- 
ten with a yawn, If you need something 
to pass the time, you'd be better off 
reading the Yellow Pages. 


E 


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horse in today's race. The horses with the highest projected 
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The Computer's Ratings are Based on Important Factors 
From The Last 3 Races: Using the Past Performance Charts 
you start by punching in today's Race Weight (RW) of the 
first horse listed. Then you enter the Last Speed Rating 
(LSR) of the same horse, followed by that horse's Best 
Speed Rating (BSR) from his last 3 races. Then you enter 
the Total Finish Positions (TFD) for the last 3 races. After 
entering the above information, (readily available from 
current racing forms) your RaceTrack Computer will 
instantly compute a "C.P.R." or Computerized Performance 
Rating for the horse. After following the same quick 
procedure for each horse in the race, you can then compare 
their individual ratings. The horse with the highest rating 
is the most likely to win, based on his past performance as 


Specifications: W Solid-State Circuitry B Integrated Com- 
puter Chip by National Semi-Conductor ІШ Bright, large 
fluorescent display Ш Long-life 9-volt battery power supply 
W Projection ratings to 2-decimal places Bl Clear previous 
entry key W One year limited warranty 


To order, call 


TOLL-FREE: 1-800-235-6945 

ext. 1056. Calif. residents call: 1-805-966-7187. 

Increase your winnings in two weeks or return it for a full 
refund! No risk whatsoever. 


Please send. C.PR. RaceTrack Computer(s) @ 
$39.95 (plus $2 shipping and handling) ea. If not 100% 
pleased, I can return everything within 2 weeks for a full 
refund. 


О Also send AC Adaptor(s) @ $4.95 ea. 
П Check or Money Order enclosed (CA res. add 6% 
sales tax) 
O Charge my credit card number below. 
O Bank Americard/Visa O Master Charge 
(Interbank по.) 
O American Express O Carte Blanche O Diners Club 


compared to the other entries. Credit Card No. Exp. Date 
N Ез 
The CPR Rating System is amazingly accurate, as proven gius 
at several major derbies: Developed recently by an Ark- Address -— 
ansas engineer, the system was first tried at the Arkansas City/State/Zip 
Derby. It immediately picked the horse that went on to Signature __ 


win that Derby. When used at this year's Kentucky Derby, 
the RaceTrack Computer's highest rated contender ran a 
very close second. There are even some inside tip sheets 
that are regularly listing the “С.Р.К." projected winners. 


Starshine Group. 


924 Anacapa Street, Dept. $670, Santa Barbara, CA 93101 
< Starshine Ine. 1978 


WE 
PUT INTO PRACTICE 
HERE. 


In the past 31 
years, Porsche has 
pitted its cars 
against the 
endless, a 
grueling stresses 
of races like LeMans, I 
Daytona, and Targa-Florio. And we 
have won more than 400 major races 
here ond abroad. 

But winning isn't our ultimate 
goal. Learning is. At Forsche, 
we view the race track as 
the perfect proving ( 
ground for our 
engineering ideas. 
And many 
Porsche features, 
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and oil coolers, were tested, refined, 
and perfected on the race track. 
In a very real sense, every Porsche made FPO FRS HA E 
today, whether it's the 924, the 928, or the 
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No wonder, on the track or on the road, nothing even comes close. 


PORSCHE +AUDI 


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j “шев wequos Hana ттуөзлз HAMSNY 


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yx COMING ATTRACTIONS х< 


noL Gossip: Jack Lemmon will star in the 

screen version of Tribute, the Bernard 
Slade that was on Broadway lor 
months and will tour in May. Slade will 
also pen the script Actor Raymond $t. 
Jacques has reportedly been interviewin 
survivors of the Guyana horror for a 
posible film, the tentative title of which 
is Choice? Murder or Suicide (Martyr- 
dom in Guyana). Word has it that Tobe 
Hooper, the man who brought us The 
Texas Chain Saw Massacre, is also devel- 
oping a film project about Guyana 


play 


Lemmon 
Despite ree 
is busy mulling over new projects. He's 
presently writing and hopes to star in a 
film titled The Martin Mull Story, Part I 
for Orion. Не» also just signed with 
Elektra / Asylum and plans to put out a 
new album soon, to be called, natch, 
Martin Becomes Elektra. Mull was sup: 
posed to have had а one 
Broadway. but tlie project was apparent- 
ly too expensive to produce and thus 
canceled, Word has it that Martin is 
also planning а film project with Norman 
Lear, possibly co-starring Fred Willard. . . . 
Irving Wallace s new novel, The Pigeon 
Project, ought to be hitting the racks 
soon. Irs a thriller about the discovery 
in a remote part of Russia, of a substance 
that will dramatically extend the life 
of every human on earth. The big 
question is: Who will control it, the 
forces of good or the forces of evil? 
. 
ROMANCE, SEVENTIES STYLE: "Its itl mov 
in which we try to kill off the word re- 
i p from ever bei again,” 
у Steinberg. The mov ques- 
tion is Something Short of Paradise (set 


n show on 


Sorondon Steinberg 


for release this spring), an offbeat love 
starring Susan Sarandon, Jean-Pierre 


Aumont and Steinberg, in his first role 


story 


leading man. Set in New York. the film 
involves the owner of an art-movie house 
(Steinberg) whose hero, Jean Fidel (А 
mont) comes to town for 
festival. Covering the festival fo 
paper femme reporter (5: 
with whom Steinbergs character once 
had. excuse the expression. “а relati 
ship." Steinberg decides to give it anoth- 
er go. but Sarandon's not quite so keen 
on the idea here's a lot of role reve 
going on in the film." David tells us. 
1 want to live with her, but she says sl 
needs space, which, incidentally, is 
other phrase that ought ло be put to 
rest. We relate to cach other through 
humor—we managed to get a lot of our- 
selves into the script. 
. 
RUMBLINGS FROM STUDIO 54: Му New York 
atcher reports: "Truman Capote 
party in the spring in Central 
Park, if the w York F 
lets him pitch the t 
intended to have the bash last fall but 
couldn't get permission. He said, above 


refi 


Capote 


the disco di that he would invite all 
those people he wrote about in his book 
Answered Prayers, plus all of the reg 
ular partygoers in New York. "Sounds 
like an id. Tr an 
nodded, Hf the F tment doesn't. 
OK the tent. nan will most likely 
throw the ba where else?—Stud 
54. The guest list will include Liza 
nelli, Halston, Bionca Jagger and Andy Warhol, 
among many others. Also enco 
rece 
in the Big Apple to ph 
for a European fashion 
will not do a film unless it 
very special. ‘I am in town to discuss the 
musical version of Buona Sera, Mrs. 
Campbell, and the script is unacceptable 
to me,’ said Gina. "I will go back to Italy 
and wait for another offer.” Asked if she 
felt safe these days in Italy, Gina said yes. 
“They haven't started kidnaping 
yet. she said, ‘but I hare the terrorists.” * 
. 

EMMY CONTENDERS? Check your TV list- 
ings soon for a CBS telefilm called No 
Other Love—the network has high hopes 
that this two-hour € will grab an 
Emmy for stars Richard Thomas and Julie 
Kavner (Brenda on Rhoda). “It's a love 
story between iwo educably retarded 


says s 


Thomos Kavner 


young peopl 5 producer Steve Tisch. 
ed by Richard Pearce, à documentary 
ker who worked on Woodstoc 
nd Hearts and Minds, the feature was 
thoroughly researched. “We've been 
working closely with a number of 
groups," says Tisch, “to observe how 
retarded people are able to function in 
society.” CBS hopes to air the mo 
in May. 


. 

MORE MADNESS: Gong Show S198 
ty Contest impresario Chuck Bari 
to be taking over ТУ. For starters, The 
Gong Show has been sold to CBS and 
will be aired fice a week. In the works 
are three more B s ехиауај . First 
is The Chuck Barris Talk Show, which 
Barris himself will host and wh 
source describes as blend. of crazi 
offbeat people and genuine i 
subjects" which sounds like a 
version of Martin. Mulls Fernwood 2- 
Night, but well just have to wait and se 
there's How's Your Mother-in- 
, revived from Barris’ Sixties show 
of the same name, which will be hosted 
by comic Pet McCormick and cach week 
will feature three sets of mothers-in-Iaw 
and th h son-in-law 
will tell a panel why he thinks his 


Beau- 
seems 


Law: 


mother-in-law is the worst there is, and 
each mother-in-law will defend herself. 
Barris got five L.A. Dodgers for one 
panel and five Rams cheerleaders for an 
other. Third on the Three's a 
Crowd, a game show that, in the words 
of one source, “will decide who knows 
man better—his secretary or his wife 

I of these projects get. past the pi 
they'll probably air in Septe 
Guess Н. 1. Mencken was right 


пре 


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THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


Fox the p 


ї few years, my ha 
been thinning out. I suffer what doctors 
call male-pattern baldness, Th 
one out of every three men loses some of 
his hair in this fashion, but that is small 
comfort 1 have become very self-con 
scious. My social life and my sex life are 
in ruins. T feel that I am no longer at 
tractive to women. Do you һауе any rec- 
А., New Orlean: 


Loi ч 
We зау that if а woman judges а 
тап by the top of his head, he’s prob- 
ably doing something she enjoys very 
much. We ате nol terrifically enamored 
of any of the substitute hair creations 
(remember how you felt when you en- 
countered falsies?). Get hold of yourself. 
I's all in your mind. Not on top of it. 


Ob a recent trip to St. Louis on bus 
ness, I decided to check my hé case 
along with my baggage. That turned out 
to be one of the biggest mistakes 1 ever 
made. The attaché case and my luggage 
ended up in Florida. I had to cancel a 
meeting with a potential client the next 
morning in St. Louis, which cos my 
company the account and myself at least 
the raise I would have gouen for 
it. The airline said it was sorry. To w 
do 1 сотріаіп2—М. С, Los Angeles, 
California. 

Tell it to the judge. А two-yearold 
Civil Aeronautics Board ruling has come 
to your rescue. Whereas, airlines were 
previously liable for lost, damaged or de- 
layed baggage up to only S500, they are 
now liable up to 8750: this includes 
“consequential damages" resulling from 
their inefficiency. In other words, you 
can file a claim and, if you can. prove 
monetary damage from the loss of your 
attaché case, they'll haze to pay. И тау 
nol get you that raise, bat it might give 
you a lift. In the future, always carry 
your business (and minimum daily y 
quirements in dress and toilet articles) 
on board. 


Т... years ago, T had an absolutely fan- 
tastic sexual relationship with a man who 
was in the process of breaking up with 
his girlfriend. When they finally. split 
(reasons unknown), 1 proceeded full 
speed. ahead 10 fulfill my wildest hopes, 
however, he soon became distant and mys- 
tcrious. Mihough. we dated. (movies, dis- 
cos, erc) on numerous occasions during 
this time, there was no sex 
o. 1 bad had it. I threw it up in his 
lace and, after а painfully long silence, 
he confessed that he was gay, and had 
been all his life. He apologized for ever 
getting involved with me and said that if 
society had not dictated the “correct” be- 


A lew weeks 


havior, he probably would never have 


had a relationship with any female. He 
insisted he just got tired of trying to be 
something he was not. I became hysteri 
cal, said a lot of things I regret and 
stormed from his car in a tumultuous out- 
burst of tears and. confusion. How can 
this be? What can I do 10 get him back or 
atleast “straighten” him out? Would psy- 
chiatric treatment help? I have feelings 
for him I've never felt for any other m 
not heard from him 


Pennsylvani 

Have you sex-change 
operation? Homosexuality is not a dis- 
case—mental or physical. Н can't be 
cured. Your would-be boyfriend has final- 
іу made his choice: You can by lo acer pt 
his preference. Many men have dated, 
married and fathered children before 
coming to grips with their true feelings. 
Ab least he was honest with you. 


FRecentty, т came into possession of 
some old Icather-bound books. These are 
quality goods. The paper is very heavy 
and is gilt-edged. The bindings have been 
tooled and stamped with gold. How do I 
care for these books to preserve them? I'm 
certainly not interested in losing my in- 
vestment through neglect or i 
V. M., Raleigh, North Carol 

T here's little you can do to prevent the 
deterioration of your books, When wood 
pulp is made into paper, acid is added to 
speed up the process and lower costs. The 
more acid in the paper, the cheaper the 


considered а 


paper is to manufacture—and the faster 
it will yellow. More expensive books use 
paper with a lower acid content. There 
are some books printed on acid-free pa- 
per, but they are rare and exceedingly 
expensive. Since the acid is inherent in 
the paper itself, special handling or stor- 
age will only slow the aging process. Keep 
the books cool and dry, preferably in an 
enclosed. bookcase with 50 percent hu- 
midity at room temperature (68 degrees). 


Ordinarily. my girlfriend is quiet ana 
stable. But once in a while, when onc of 
rguments escalates, she becomes 
real terror. She focuses her wrath on any- 
breakable—chairs, plates, glasses, 
s on the wall and, last, but cer- 
nly not least, me. That's not as funny 
s it sounds, since she's just as tall as 1 
m and, when she’s wound up, about 
as strong. I've cred 
violent man. but the old rep 
dope routine leaves both my ego and m 
body badly bruised. One of these days. 
I'm going to haul off and slam her right 

п the chops. Got any ideas?—B. F. 
Chicago. Illinois. 

A couple. First, punching out your 
girlfriend will not only be ineffective, it 
will be assault and batlery. That leads to 
а sparsely furnished room at state ex- 
pense. Of course, what she’s doing to you 
is also assault and battery, but only if 
you're willing to press charges, which will 
no doubl leave what's left of your ego in 
tatlers. Next, you've gol to decide wheth 
er or not she's certifiably bonkers or just 
ап excitable girl. Ц your girlfriend is just 
letting off steam, you've got a problem, 
bul a manageable one. Women seldom 
blow up for no reason. Strange as it may 
seem, her violent episodes may be her 
way of asking for affection: If she can't 
gel your allention one way, she gets it 
another way. Avoid letting her make the 
choice by making sure she understands 
you love her, even in the midst of the 
blowup. There's no need 10 give in 10 
her demands if they seem unreasonable 
to you, but you should be ready to com- 
promise or offer substitutes to the bone 
of contention. You also needn't become а 
human punching bag or a target for 
U.F.O.'s. You can protect yourself by do- 
ing the following: (1) Remain calm while 
removing missiles from her hands as best 
you can. (2) Approach her [rom be 
hind, grab her arms and cross them in 
front of her chest (forming a human 
strait jacket}, then pull hey down so both 
of you are on your knees. (3) Hold on 
Hight and talk it out until she calms down 
enough 10 let her go. Of course, all this 
is contingent on whether or nol you real- 
ly want to continue secing this girl. A 


never cc 


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"uu ^ 
56 


constant stale of war is usually an indica- 
lion that the chemistry isn't quite right. 
Better give the whole thing a lot of 
thought. 


Ti the past couple of years, Гуе seen 
cassette recorders reach a state of the art 
that outstrips even reclto-reel recorders. 
I've also noticed a meteoric rise in prices. 
My question is, if I buy one of those ex- 
tremely dear machines and start a tape 
library with it, how soon belore it be 
comes obsolete?—A, C, San Clemente, 
Califors 

Thanks for the casy question. The fact 
is thal state of the art in electronics 
means a marketable product—not the 
latest in technology. Any cassette record- 
er you buy today uses metaloxide tape. 
That's the state of the art. But current 
technology indicates that soon we will 
have pure metal tapes, with greater fidel- 
ity, higher signal-to-noise ratios and more 
music per running inch. Indeed, such 
tapes have already been developed. The 
biggest obstacle to their. production has 
been the increased heat and friction to 
which the tape heads will be subjected 
New alloys will solve that problem, Un- 
fortunately, manufacturers work indes 
pendently (competition, free enterprise 
and all that) and no company wants to 
be the odd man out when the vest of the 
industry moves in a different direction. 
Industry standards іп compatibility, for 
instance, ате difficult to agree. upon (ve- 
member the great quad-sound debacle?). 
Your best bet is to buy the best that is 
currently available, build your library 
th itand maintain your equipment for 
that library. You can always start a new 
library with any new equipment that 
comes along. 


Wou have heard the slo 
life"? Well, it did to m 
ago. when my hush: 
ing love, he got ve 
lovemaking, he went 
Coke [rom the relr 
on my tummy, s ng very hot and 
tingly, when 1 {drifted off . . . 
then, all of a sudden, something very 
cold entered me from behind and thrust 
smoothly up into my vagina. ‘The pleas. 
ure from this cold neck of the Coke bottle 
was fantastic. The ridge at the top of the 
bottle з in amd out of me was 
like noth Th ever felt before. My 
husband got great pleasure watching me 
as 1 came several times. I am very curious 
10 find our if anyone else has ever tried 
this and, if not, why don't you add a Coke 
to vour lifez—Mrs. B. M. El Paso, Texas. 

We prefer Pepsi, ourselves, but we'll 
publish your letter, anyway. Maybe й 
will improve relations with China. 


M, < 


about 
mileage 


n “Coke adds 
A lew weeks 
d I were mak- 
Alter our 
cold 
ng 


tion for 


pool has been in op 


the riders are assessed. There are now 
fcur of us and we are thinking of addin 
a fifth. Will the estra weight affect our 
miles per gallon пут. C. 
Kansas City, Kan 

Any weight added on your car will 
reduce your gas mileage vate. The amount 
of reduction depends on the size of your 
car; smaller cars with smaller engines suf- 
fer the most. You can figure on а drop of 
from one to six percent Jor every 100 
pounds of extra weight. Of course, in the 
mileage game, every little bit hurts. For 
instance, a ski rack or a luggage rack on 
your car will canse aerodynamic drag 
that may yeduce your mileage by up to 
len percent. (So will having а dirty car 
or mud flaps behind the wheel wells.) 
The big problem, though, in car pools is 
nol aerodynamics but group dynamics. 
The real question ix whelher or not your 
new passenger can carry his weight in 
the conversation. 


D. 


nyone else's penis fall asleep 
out there? When I sit or lie a cer 
way at times, I have found that my penis 
becomes numb with a very delightful 
tingling sensation. just like a foot or arm 
would but much nicer, Fm not into S/M. 
but let me assure у yours doesn't. 
youre missing something great 1 
wouldn't want to cure it if I could, so 
come on and tell me exactly where the 
pressure point is. You guys in research 
g to love this c 
Antonio, Texas. 

Your problem is not uncommon. Men 
who vide tenspeed bikes have described 
similar feelings after long rides. Doctors 
call the phenomenon the penile-anesthe- 
sia syndrome or, simply, the celibacy of 
the saddle. H's caused by unvelicwed pres 
sure on the атса under the scrotum. Un- 
confirmed reports suggest that listening 
10 disco music, watching “The 
Show" or prolonged reading of 


ong 


The 


Hite Report" can cause the same condi- 
tion, 


onths, I have 
ing very active by playing 
tball and lifting weights in a body- 


n a few bongloads of pot 
this, Lean get psyched up and 
have perfect concentration perlecti 
my physical activity. However, 1 
afraid that it would be a strenuous shock 
10 my vitals to exert myself physically 
after being in tue of relaxation from 
smoking pot. If it is harmful to my body 
to smoke my usual [ou ds of por 
а day before ех g please det me 
know so 1 cam discontinue my daily 
routinc.—O. К., Los Angeles, California. 
A stoned mind іп a stoned body, eh? 
Try as they might, scientists have yet to 
discover any physically harmful side ef- 
feels of marijuana use. Certainly, the 


honglo 


AUDIOVOX | 


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ARE BRAINS. 


The Audiovox DGC-20 is the car stereo with a built-in computer. And some amazing 
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It knows things. 

A tiny micro-processor chip inside the DGC-20 has all the information to give you totally 
electronic tuning. And whether you choose to tune manually or automatically, the know-it-all 
chip stops and locks onto a station to virtually eliminate annoying drift. 

It shows things. 

Digital read-out displays the exact AM/FM when switched to mode 1. Also the exact AM/PM 
when switched to mode 2. 

It remembers. 
Memory pushbuttons can keep 12 stations “їп mind.” Even if you forget which station handles 
Handel or where Waylon wails, the DGC-20 remembers. 

It understands. 
How to search out and stop at the next available station. Automatic Seek does it. 

And then, the Audiovox DGC-20 has some capabilities that are not amazing. Just 
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and individual left-to-right and frontHo-rear balancing controls. And a locking fast-forward 
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ou don't have to be a perfectionist 


to use the perfectionist's tape. 


1f you're like most people, you love 
music but you don't want to get too in- 
volved with the technical end of sound 
reproduction. And you may have a 
friend who is really intohi fi, your 
trusted adviser on such matters. 

Audio perfectionists like your friend 
have made TDK SA the number one- 
selling high bias cassette in America. 
Ifyou ask him, he'll tell you that SA 
isthe high bias reference standard; 
most quality manufacturers won't let 
adeck leavethe factory unless it's 
© 1979 TDK Elect 


been tested and set up to sound its best. 
with SA. He'll tell you that TDK 
cassettes are backed by hi fi's original 
full lifetime warranty. 

Then hell go into a long-winded 
speech about super- precision mecha- 
nisms, cobalt-adsorbed gamma-ferric 
oxide formulations, and the like. Don't 
worry if you don't understand every- 
thing he'stalking about. Just record 
your favorite music on an SA cassette 
and see if it doesn't sound better than 
the cassette you're now using. 


Then you will know why more 
perfectionists use SA than any other 
tape. TDK Electronics Corp., Garden 
City, NY 11530. 


“Inthe untikely event t 
10 perform due to a delec 
um ato your local 


Simply n 
терасете 


“TDK. 


The machine for your machine. 


amount you smoke is not dangerous. How- 
сост, ше feel that the combination of any 
drug with athletics is illadvised. Your 
body gels confused signals. The point 
of exercise is to increase your aerobic 
capacity—i.e., breathing and circulation. 
Pol artificially increases the heartbeat and 
acts as а bronchodilator, making it easier 
to breathe. That should be the end of 
your workout, not the means. 


ПМ, boyfriend thinks that all kissing, 
cuddling and fondling in bed must cul- 
minate in intercourse. He says it's bad 
for his body to get aroused without 
achieving release. 1 say bullshit. I think 
cuddling and touching can be fun and 
satisfying in themselves. I's not neces 
sary for а man to have intercourse eve 
time he gets an erection from seeing а 
ng chick or fom thinking 
about last night's bedroom activities. So 
what do you think about my boyfriend's 
attitude that sex means copulation 
only?—Miss K. G., Portland, Oregon. 

We don't feel that every form of kiss- 
ing, cuddling and fondling must culmi- 
nale in intercourse—only the hissing, 
fondling and cuddling that occurs be- 
tween members of the opposite sex who 
qualify as consenting adults and who 
know cach other on a firstname basis. 
Actually, sex counselors have discovered 
that the level of affection between two 
partners increases in direct. proportion 
1o the amount of nonsexual touching that 
goes on between them—the occasional 
hug, the unexpected kiss, the copped 
feel. Of course, as affection increases, so 
does the frequency of sexual intercourse. 
I's а vicious circle. Unfortunately. from 
the sound of your letter, the circle has 
been broken. Your boyfriend's attitude 
is a bit one-sided. Н is a sign of insensi- 
livity when one person assumes that his 
or her partner will be ready for sex at 
the same moment he or she is. You can’t 
light a fire without kindling. An unre 
lieved erection can cause a temporary 
physical condition known as blueballs. 
The blood congests in the genitals and 
causes discomfort. Il is rarely fatal. 
Women who have been aroused but not 
satisfied can suffer a similar condition 
Next time your parine: 
lieve his symptoms, tell him that you 
would have more sympathy if the disease 
were contagious, 


good- 


asks you 10 re- 


АП reasonable questions—from fash- 
ion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars 
to dating dilemmas, taste and etiquetle— 
will be personally answered if the writer 
includes a stamped, self-addressed en- 
velope. Send all letters to The Playboy 
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michi 
gan Avenue, Chicago, Hlinois 60611. The 
most provocative, pertinent queries will 
be presented on these pages cach month. 


IN 1962, when the government explored 
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What they found, was a spring of iron-free 
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According to the govern- CHARCOAL 
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made a terrible bomb ка 
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our friends, ic helps make BY DROP 


a perfect sippin’ whiskey. 


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59 


WHAT COMES OUT OF ASPEAKER IS ONLY 
AS IMPRESSIVE AS WHAT GOES INTO IT. 


Most speaker companies 
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describing the 
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that comes out of 
their speakers. 

At Pioneer, we 
think the best way to 
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to tell you what went 
into them. 

Instead of a HPM60 
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unique supertweeter. In brief, 


recorded them. 
Ofcourse, we could go on 
and on about the fact that 
every HPM speaker 
element has a cast 
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of the flimsy stamped out 
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properties than 
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It's features like this 
that begin to explain why 


2 itworksona music, and a lot less unlike speakers that sound 
2 * thin piece distortion. great on only part of the music, 
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è | Polymer are still made with the same e 0». sound 
EE Molecular antiquated materials usedin $" Y great on 
"rmweerer: 3 = 1 
speaker recthology rises (HPM) film | 1945, ours are made Level aaah that leryousdusttfe sound All OF it. 
кони thatconverts with a special carbon to your listening area. And this 


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weight of the cone, yet 
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for clarity. This, plus an 
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voice coil let 
you hear even 
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©1978 US. Pioneer Electronics Corp.. 85 Oxtord Drive, Moonachie, N.. 07074. 


You'll never hear. 
a sound out of these die cast aluminum frames. 


virtue isnt something you'll 
find in only our most expensive 
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At this point, we suggest 
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If you think what went 
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wait till you hear what comes 
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о PIONEER’ 


We bring it back alive. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


acontinuing dialog on contemporary issues between playboy and its readers 


SCHOLARLY INQUIRY 
University of Illinois professor Nancy 
schberg (Forum этот, Au 
1978) is obviously correct in her research 
conclusions that men who like leggy 
g to help 
other people and have the nicest person 
alities I always knew that my tastes 
were rellecive of the strength of my 
character, 
But what is most intriguing is her find- 
1 women usually have personalities 
to those of the meu who are 
tracted to them, As an observer of the 
current social scene, I would be surprised 
if Professor Hirschberg's study has not 
also confirmed the strength of her own 
character. That's why Em willing to bet 
а year's subscription to PLAYBOY for ward 
W at the Minneapolis VA hospital that 
the professor comes equipped with a 
pretty nice pair of legs herself. How 
about it? Is your research stall up to the 
task to sec whether you р ? 
David К. Е 
Attorney at Law 
Minneapolis, Minnes 
We contacted the good professor upon 
her return from London. She graciously 
responded: “In to Hackley's 
inquiry, 1 enclose a recent snapshot of 
myself. My legs are not my best feature, 
but they arewt all thal bad." The snap- 
shot is a bit underexposed and will not 
reproduce. Also, it docsn't show her legs. 
But from what it does show, Professor 
Hirschberg is most adequately endowed 
with both features and a fig 
ably constitute a distraction to her male 
er, but we'd 


women are socially active. w 


answer 


wre that prob- 


students. This moots the 
have lo pass on it, anyway, for fear of зе! 
ting a terrible precedent. 


в.м.о.с. 
1 would like to share a few things with 
your readers that 1 have learned during 
my first у Villanova University. ТІ 
valuable information that | ha 

ned is not about my major. mech 


most 
le 


cal engineering, but about girls. When 
I was in high school, I used to look 
girls and wish I could frolic around in 


their panties during our coed gym classes, 
but the girls never gave any indication of 
sexual desires. They just got mad and 
considered you a pervert. Now, in col- 
e, [still look at girls the same way, but 
their reactions are different. Some prac 
tically run after you with a ruler to see if 
are a "big man on campus. 
had very 


I have 
ile trouble finding girls who 


y 


have the same needs as I, and admit to 
them, too. In about a week. | should 
have enough independent study to get 
biolog 
Name withheld by request) 
Villanova, Pennsylvania 


credits 


ARBOREAL RECREATION 

In our semisuburban back yard, we 
have à great old oak tree in which 
we built a rather elaborate tree house 
youngsters last ir. 
they lost interest in it alter 


lor our 
Naturally 


(wo sum 


"While we were humping, 
the damn tree house 
turned upside down and 
fell about seven feet.” 


about a month and now its usually 
empty; but it’s still equipped with a 
piece of carpet, oll sofa cushions, can- 
dle A couple of weeks ago, while 
the kids were weekending with so 
their fiends, my wife and 1 were 
through one of our periodic down pe 
riods and quarreling. Actually, 1 was 
depressed. about lile in gencral and 
holed up in front of the television and 
she was bitching at me for everything 


etc. 


from insensitivity to mess 
watching too much television. 
Now. I do not like fighting and argu- 
when its perfectly obvious that the 
only problem is one of mood—and my 
usual response is to withdraw, which 
really pisses her That particular 
night, instead of trying to talk, I calmly 
said, “I suddenly have a tremendous 
ving for solitude and | am going to 
read а book—in the goddamn исе house 
by candlelig hell won't 
find any peace and quiet here!" She said 
something equally calm and reasonable, 
like “Well, fuck you!” and stomped into 
r sewing room, which is her equiva 
lent of watching television (if somew! 
more productive, 1 admit). 
to prove | was serious, [ took 
э Wouk's The Winds of War, my 
favorite unfinished paperback. and а 
blanket, and did. in fact. squirrel myself 
in the tree house, reading by сап- 
diclight. By ten р.м. Га decided that was 
really an excellent way to enc 
nd also to recapture my lost youth (tree 
houses are fun!), when 1 heard my pre 
sumably still.pissed-ofl. spouse. clamber 
ing up to give me more trouble. But by 
then, 1 was fecling good, and when she 
poked her head through the canyasdoor 
opening, ostensibly to find out if I had 
stupidly fallen asleep, 1 told her no. 
that it was very nice, kind of tun, etc.. 
ad to please come in 
She did so. tenta 
mented on how pissy 1 was earlier. but 
so was she (our us keup scene, 
I perceive), and soon we were smiling. 
then chuckling over that particular re 


naking 10 


oll. 


e l sure 


t 


the ively, com 


union in the kids! tree house. Next we 
[ xere touch ing gently, and 
damned if ien minutes, we 
weren't going at it like two adolescents 
in the back seat of a car—which is how 
ме olten senle arguments and sort 


things ou 

That would be the end of the story 
but for a previously undetected structural 
fault in the tree house. While we were 
humping on the cushions like sex fiends, 
two supporting two by fours on one side 
worked loose and the damn tree house 
simply turned. upside down on its limb 
and fell about seven feet, The cushions 
and some thick bushes saved us from 
anything worse than bruises, but the 
noise brought our neighbor out of his 
house on the run, armed with а fash 
BB gun and his own worried 
. ately, he’s а good neighbor 
and a close friend. 1 won't even try to 


61 


PLAYBOY 


62 


recreate the dialog, but he wanted to 
know what the hell we were doing 
naked in the wreckage of a t 


and I asked him what sort of emergency 
he expected to handle with a damned 
EB gun. We soon were laughing so hard 
the other neighbors were turning on 
their back-porch lights. The four of us 
ended up in our kitchen for beers and 
explanations and more laughter, and 
then my wife and I nearly screwed each 
other to death for the rest of the night. 

I'm not quite sure the kids bought my 
story about the wind and the tree house, 
so please. ... 


(Name and address 

withheld by request) 
Presumably, the candle went out be- 
fore or during that little adventure, or 
some other loyal reader would have sent 
us the sensational headline “COPULAT- 
ING COUPLE DIE IN FLAMING TREEHOUSE 
Asi." And if the kids buy your story 
about the sudden windstorm, we urge 

you to one day tell them the whole story 


POST-MORTEM PRANKSTERS 
This is supposedly a true story, so 1 
won't mention the name of the South- 
western city where it is said to have 
occurred. I got it from a fellow police 
ofhcer who used to work there and he 
d. 
t the county sheriff, who 
was considered rather dim-witted by oth- 
w olficers in tlie area, was stuck with 
a murder case that defied his best inv 
tigative efforts: A local citizen was found 
nd his house, shot in 
nge. No clues, no 
» the sherilf ca 


It seems tha 


the foreh 
ve, no si 
with a particularly bright 
where he vd that the last thing 
seen by a person who dies violently re- 
mains imprinted on the retinas of his 
eyes: and, as а long shot, he ordered the 
doctor performing the autopsy to remove 
the victim's eyeballs and send them to 
the state crime lab to see if the photo 
technicians could figure out a way to de- 

velop the latent image of the killer. 
This request caused quite an upro: 
with the state boys. who decided to have 
a lile fun, They sent the sheriff an 
8 x 10 glossy photo that was a close-up, 

head-on picture of a .38-caliber bullet. 
(N: hheld by request) 


Dallas, Texas 


ne wil 


SEX AND SUBVERSION 

We have all been assured that the U. S. 
Amy's recent moves 10 integrate in- 
creasing numbers of women into ii 
ranks, both as officers and enlisted. pci 
sonnel, will not be permitted to materi: 
ly lessen the combat efficiency of tha 
force. But port, issued іп May 1078 
and phrased in the usual gobbledygook 
of the U.S. military, notes that there Hi 


È 


(A guest editorial follows on page 65. 
Lelters continued on page 66.) 


FORUM NEWSFRONT 


what’s happening in the sexual and social arenas 


BLADDER BLUNDER 

BEDFORD, опо convicted shoplift- 
er, temporarily locked in a toiletle: 
holding cell, found himself fined for 
urinating through a hole in the wall. 
The stream happened to splatter onto 
the shoes of a detective in the next 
room, who complained that “il took the 
shine right of” The wrinator was 


charged with criminal mischief for “us- 
ing a device to release а substance 
which is harmful or offensive to persons 
exposed." 


POT PROBLEM 

NEW york—A New York City optom- 
elrist says pot smoking can cause prob- 
lems for wearers of contact lenses. Dr. 
Harry Hollander of the Sight Improve- 
ment Center found that many of his 
patients were experiencing discomfort 
with their contact lenses while smoking 
marijuana, which he attributes to pot's 
tendency to inhibit the normal tearing. 
process that maintains lubrication be- 
tween the contact lens and the eyeball. 


OFF THE HOOK 

NEW ORLEANSA Federal appeals 
court has reversed the convictions of 
two men involved in the 1976 com- 
mando-style raid that freed 14 American 
pot prisoners [rom the jail in Piedras 
Negras, Mexico. Two Dallas men, Ster- 
ling Lake Davis, Sr, and William 
McCoy Hill, had been sentenced to 
five and six years, respectively, for vio 
lating U.S. gunrunning laws, bul San 
Antonio atiorney Gerald Н. Goldstein 
successfully argued that the law had. 
been violated unknowingly and that the 


trial court had failed to properly in- 
struct the jury or to adequately deter- 
mine the effect on the jurors of the 
extensive publicity surrounding the epi 
sode. Goldstein commented afterward, 
You don't often find a case where 
“ignorance of the law’ can be cited as а 
defense, but this particular statute re- 
quires an individual to have specific 
intent to violate а ‘known legal ашуг" 


CHOPPING BLOCK 

PARIS—The French National Assem- 
bly has voted 271 to 210 to appropriate 
the equivalent of $44,000 to the Jus- 
tice Ministry for the upkeep of a 
guillotine and the salary of an execu- 
tioner. Elimination of the funds effec 
lively would have ended the death 
penalty in France, where no. prisoners 
are currently awaiting execution. 


EAGER BEAVER 

BROWNSVILLE, TEXAS—A woman Cus- 
toms agent, formerly stationed at the 
Texas border town of Rio Grande City, 
has been convicted of planting mari- 
juana in cars crossing into the U.S 
from Mexico. According to the testi- 
mony of witnesses, the inspector wanted 
to have the best record for seizures in 
the U.S. and wanted to become the 
first woman poit. director in the Cus- 
loms Service. The planted evidence 
resulted. іп fines for the drivers and 
confiscation of their cars. One of the 
cars happened to belong to the dis- 
trict attorney for the Mexican state of 
Tamaulipas. 


PECULIAR PUNISHMENT 
Seventeen men who prop- 
ositioned an undercover policewoman 
posing as a hooker have been sentenced 
to write essays or go to jail for 30 to 60 
days. А district judge gave the defend 
ants, ranging in age [vom 17 to 52, ten 
days to write about the effects their 
convictions had on their personal lives 
He also assessed them а total of 52515 
in fines and court costs. 


LAN 


MACHINERY MALFUNCTION 

VICTORIA, n.C.— The British Columbia 
Сои of Appeal has upheld a lower 
court's acquittal of a Victoria man orig- 
inally convicted of driving with a 
blood-alcohol level of A percent. The 
appeal judges agreed that the breath- 
analysis equipment must not have been 
working properly or the driver, instead 
of behaving as soberly as he did, should 
have been unconscious or dead. Under 


British Columbia law, a driver register- 
ing 06 percent receives a 24-hour li- 
ceme suspension, and u reading of -08 
percent can bring a criminal charge of 
drunk driving 


ROBBING THE COPS 

sew vonk—4 — Government-leased, 
bonded warehouse in Brooklyn has 
been looted of 1300 pounds of confis- 
cated marijuana, Federal agents report. 
Thieves. broke іп through an upper 
level of the building at night and made 
off with 25 bales of marijuana weighing 
50 pounds each and worth a total street 
value of some $400,000. 


UNFIT FOR DUTY 

BELLEVUE, wasnscrox— The Belle- 
vue Police Department has announced 
the retirement, or perhaps the di: 
charge, of its trained attack dog Ka- 
huna. Despite his other virtues, Kahuna 
couldn't hack patrolcar work; состу 
lime the lights and the siren went on, 
he threw up. 


UNUSUAL SNAKE ACT 
HURLEY, масом теси 
dancer was picked up by police and 
held for psychiatric examination after 
she started flailing at patrons with the 
six-foot bou constrictor she used in her 
act. A local paper reporting the incident 


said the snake died of injuries but that 
“there was no substance to the rumor 
the woman would be charged with 
assault with a deadly reptile.” 


POWER TO THE POLICE 

WASHINGTON, Dbë—-ln yet another 
decision that narrows the rights of in- 
dividuals, the U.S. Supreme Court has 
ruled, five to four, that passengers in 
an automobile have no expectation of 
privacy—meaning that police «ап il 
legally search a cay, seize evidence and 


still use it against the passengers but 
nol the owner of the car. In. dissent, 
Justice Byron White charged that “the 
Court's opinion declares ‘open season’ 
on automobiles. ... However unlawful 
stopping and searching a car may be, 
absent а possessory or ownership inter: 
est, по ‘mere’ passenger may object.” 

In another action, the High Court 
refused t0 consider appeals by a janitor 
and a librarian in Pennsylvania who 
were fired from their jobs for living 
together in “open adultery.” 


"WRONGFUL LIFE" SUIT 
MONTGOMERY, — MABAMA—Holding 
that “there is no legal right not to be 
bom,” the Alabama Supreme Court has 
ected a $500,000 damage snit filed in 
behalf of a deformed child conceived 
despite her father’s supposed vasectomy. 
The court noted that the suit did not 
allege that preconception negligence on 
the part of the physician had caused the 
deformity but attempted to raise the 
novel issue of “wrongful life"—a varia- 
tion on the right to collect civil dam- 

ages in cases of wrongful death. 


rej 


PARAQUAT POISONING? 

AustIN—A nephrologist at the Austin 
Diagnostic Clinic says he suspects para- 
quat poisoning as the cause of tempo- 
rary kidney failures in two youths, one 
in high school and one in college, who 
were hospitalized after smoking mari- 
juma. Di. Jack Monerie[ cautioned that 
his diagnosis could not be confirmed 
because no samples of the possibly con- 
taminated pot could be found for anal- 
ysis, but he said that the kidney damage 
was consistent with the suspected effects 
of the herbicide and that no other 
causes could be found. 


FREE RIDE 

sr. LoUis—4 Federal prisoner serving 
time in Ilinois for bank robbery en- 
joyed a short holiday trip courtesy of 
the Internal. Revenue Service, which 
had charged him with failure to pay 
taxes on his ill-gotten gains. Ata U. S 
Tax Court hearing in St. Louis, he sur- 
prised the court by calmly stating, "I 
have no defense." and then explained, 
“Em in a United States penitentiary 
doing 25 years. When 1 finish that, 1 go 
to Nevada to do а life sentence, АП f 
wanted 10: do was come up here for a 
ride. What that. man says is exactly 
true, Now, it's back to you, friend.” For 
the bank robber, it was back to prison 
in Hlinois. 


SURFER IN A SOCK 
MARGATE CNY, NEW JERSEY —A local 
chapter of the American Civil Liberties 
Union has filed an appeal іп behalf of 
a New Jersey photographer who was 


fined 850 in а municipal court for wear 
ing nothing but a sock over his genitals 
while surfing. An ACLU. attorney ex- 
pressed the hope that a superior court 
would provide a more specific interpre- 
tation of the beach regulations. adding 
that he was “confident that [the defend- 
an('s] attire will be found to be outside 
the veach of а properly restricted 
ordinance." 


WEIRDNESS AFOOT 

From around the country come thes 
reports of strange sexual activities: 

* In Seattle, several women have re- 
ported being knocked down by a man 
who then snatches one of their high- 
heeled shoes and splits. Police have 
what they consider a good suspect—a 


man whose closet was Jound to contain 
more than 60 women's high-heeled 
shoes, none of which matched. 

+ In several Chicago suburbs, police 
are looking for a [lect-footed rapist who 
has assaulted at least foe women іп 
parks and other wooded areas while 
wearing full jogger regalia, which has 
facilitated his escape 

“іп Austin, a child. molester has 
come up with a new, if relatively harm- 
les, ploy: Identifying himself as a 
scientist conducting a foot survey, he 
accosts young girls and pays them five 
dollars to remove their shoes so he can 
sniff their feet 

“іп Reno, a 3-year-old man has 
been indicted on charges of abducting a 
19-year-old hotel maid and forcing her 
to perform fellatio, as well as to engage 
in unusual sexual acts 
and a cucumber 

* In Champaign. Hlinois, campus po- 
lice at the University of Mlinois report 
that a bearded man has been sneaking 
into men's dormitory rooms and at- 
tempting to cut the underwear off sleep- 
ing students. 


ith ice cubes 


63 


PLAYBOY 


Decisions...decisions... Make your decision 


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KILLING WITH KINDNESS 


the genteel notion of using drugs could give the death penalty a real shot in the arm 


opinion By SCOTT CHRISTIANSON 


The adoption by at least three states and the serious study 
by several more of a new method of execution could signal 
the start of arch” in this country the likes of 
which Americ ever seen. 

In 1977, Oklahoma became the first stare to institute 
lethal injection as the prescribed [orm of official 
Texas enacted a similar statute the nest day, followed by 
Idaho in 1978. So-called needle b 


homa's measure prov ides for ad S tration 
of drugs—one to render the prisoner unconscious, the 
second to kill him when (theoretically) he is unable to feel 
any pain. The Texas version simply calls for a condemned 
person to be injected with a lethal dose of an “ultrashort- 
acting barbiturate;" for which prison officials have selected 
sodium thiopental, the so-called truth serum. Proponents 
hail it as the quickest, most cost-effective means of destruc- 
tion yet devised. “I hesitate to use the word plea 
ex pleins one supporter, “but it would be just like going in, 
lying down and going to sleep.” Witnesses no longer would 
have to endure the grisly spectacle of roasting flesh, bulg 
ing eyeballs or squirting blood. The executioner can wear 
a white coat. 

This gimmick comes at а time when the polls show 
public support for capital punishment to be about as 
strong as ^ gin was in 1 nd Nixon's Supreme 
Court has held that, on second thought, “the punishment 
of death does not invariably violate ЕТІПТІ 
Although only one court-ordered execution has been cor 
ducted in the U.S. since 1967, the prospective customers 
are lining up on death rows around. the country—461 ас 
last count. 

Like its predecessors—the guillotine, firing squad, elec 
trie cha mber—the latest innovation is being 
promoted on rounds as the best that 
modern science can offer for the E extinguishment of 

pposed. 
ss may make executions easier t0 pronounce, 
ailing to quench the 
underlying thirst for bl evenge that the High Court 
isell couceded is “an expression of society's moral outrage 
particularly offensive conduct." anwhile, criminolo- 
ew toy. often 
nds to use а new execution method with extraordi 
frequency until the novelty wears olf, Now that drugs are 
volved, oficial killing might, indeed, prove addictive. 

"Ehe legal and physiological and. psychological details of 
lethal injection remain shrouded in mystery. Once the 
exclusive tool of hit men, Nazis, spies and hospitals, court- 
ordered. needle killings were not publicly suggested here 
until 1973, when Ronald Re: remarked: 

“Being a lormer I and horse raiser, | know what 
its like to try to € e an injured horse by shooting 
him, Now you call the veterinarian and the vet gives it 
shot and the horse goes to sleep—that's it. 1 myself have 
wondered if maybe this isn't part of our problem [with 
capital punishment] and if maybe we should review and sce 
if there aren't even more humane methods now—the simple 


shot or tranquilizer, T think there should be more study on 
this to find out, is there a more humane way, can we still 
mprove our hum 

Intravenous injection of various drugs in fatal dosage 
way studied during the Forties and Fifties by the British 
Royal Commission on Capital Punishment and rejected 

ter the British Medical Association concluded: 

o medical practitioner should be asked to take part 
in bringing about the death of a convicted murderer. T 
sociation would be most strongly opposed to апу pro- 
posal to introduce . . . a method of execution that would 
require the services of a medical practitioner, either in 
carrying out the actual process of killing or in instructing 
others in the technique of the process" 

Lacking such a stand by the American Medical Asso: 
ciation, U.S. critics nevertheless insist that successful 
(nonexcruciating, to use the British term) intravenous in 
jection of a poisonous substance would require the services 
of medically trained. personnel, all of whom are barred 
from complicity by codes of professional conduct. But so 
far, the courts remain unconvinced. 

Most opponents are against any method of execution; 
they simply reject the idea of killing people who killed 
people to show that killing people is wrong. But the sud- 
den introduction of a “mercy quotient" into the debate 

liberals into a quandary: Should they 

r opposition to the death 
penalty per se, or she 
lor SR 

By now it should be clear t 
no longer decide the debate over capital punishme 
Rather, lethal injection and the rest must be combited 
not only because they are wrong but also because they 
perpetuate the very evils they're professed to correct. 
Every time an "improved" mode of execution is into- 
duced, somebody ably swears that it will kill faster 
and with less pa n its predecessor. Killing the old 

considered 

But to say that lethal injection would kill criminals 
quickly is all the more incredible, given the fact that gov- 
ernment would do it. Governments rarely do anything 
quickly. Executions take months, usually years, to acce 
plish. Those light-years in prison make a death sentence 
the most protracted and hideous torture ever conceived, 
as well as the most irreversible and final. 

It is also the most expensive. AIL the trials, appeals, stays, 
petitions, special housing requirements and elaborate cere- 
monies that would necessarily precede a lethal injection 
would cost more than a lifetime in Attica or Acapulco. 

In the end, lethal injection different from boiling 

or burning at the stake. It is no less immune from 
informed contempt, no less wasteful. No cheaper. No more 
humane, And no more just. 1t is poison 


Scott Christianson is a veteran writer on crime and law, 
a contributing editor to the “Criminal Law Bulletin" and 
presently a doctoral candidate in the School of Criminal 
Justice at the State University of New York. 


65 


PLAYBOY 


56 


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heen “an incre 
of inapproy 


g number of incidents 
nships." These 
1. comprise 
ernization 
nd the man 
п officers, or 
officers. and 


throughout. the Ашу 
woman relati 
hetwe 


п noncomm 
enlisted womei 
rale and discip! the role оГ 
women in the Army grows. It appears the 
gentler not the prime instiga 
е problems, however, for the 
report indicates that some of the exploi- 
tive supervisors (officers) have been known 
to “threaten women with nonpromotion 
for failure to yield to their social de 
Such problems might have been pre 
dicted, but if the Army feels that it is 
possible до scare off this proble a with 
great gusts of hot 
absolutely 
defeat 
compliant 
the stron; 


WORK-RELATED INJURIES 
Wear and tear notwiths 
just obtained а copy of ıl 
PLaynoy and found most the 
Forum Newsfront item about the Mem- 
phis cop whose emotional problems were 
determined to be work-related.— 
blowing away 1wo armed robbers in the 
line of duty, he couldn't handle the guilt 
and fell аран. The pension board's deci 
sion was truly unprecedented and I only 
wish other government agencies. would 


time ago that some 
ol us are faces and the rest only numbers. 
d myself. being one of the numbered 
jority, 1 was never offered the relief 
that was given that civil servant. When 1 
was employed by the Government as a 
hired killer and sent to a place called 
am to exterminate as many resi- 
possible. 1 was given a year to do 
d, while hardly proud of it. 1 
ged to kill more than two people. 
plus twice getting shot myself and re 
g over 400 stitches to close up the 
ds caused by 


med 10 alcohol and 
а codeine, which the VA 
readily dispensed. Over the years. the 
Government saw nothi with my 
physical or psychological condition. As 
my problems increased, it prescribed an. 
other form of irean а prison term 
ederal institution, where I pre 
ply will become a better person 

Conrad С Cain 

Petersburg, Virginia 


THE POWER TO TAX. ... 
Absurd is the only word that ade 

quately evaluates the letter. from John 

M. Wolle, Jr. (The Playboy Forum 


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November). It would seem that he has 
read, superficially, Day Kapital but little 
or no American history. In denouncing 
Proposition 13, he attempts sarcasm 
"Like the lower classes of 1776, Califor- 
ia's black and poor were economically 
preempted by ‘revolutionaries’ in the 
Monticello-Mount Vernon mold." Wolfe 
should note the observations of Lord 
Dunmore, Royal Governor of Virgin 
that in this odd rebellion "men of for- 
tune and pre-eminence joined equally 

h the lowest and meanest.” Dunmore 
writing to Lord Dartmouth, British 
Secretary of State, in 1774, proposing 
harsh measures for control of the rebel- 
ling colo 


Wolfe's villains are simply middle-class 
Americans. The same middle class that 
has borne the bulk of the tax burden for 
God only knows how many years. The 
same middle class that has provided the 
majority of the work force in this coun- 
‚ And they are not trying to deprive or 
ically pre-empt" anyone of ar 
Their cry is not “Give ше!”; rath- 


share of what they've earned, whereas for 
years they have been contributing (vi 
taxation) inequitable amounts to others 
fair share (irony). Furthermore, I do not 
think that the impoverished of California 
are any worse off now than they were 


THE NUT LOBBY 


No one capable of reading news- 
papers can have any doubt that, in 
addition to the Oil Lobby, the Gun 
Lobby, the Farm Lobby, and so on, 
there must also be a Nut Lobby vig- 
orously and often effectively repre- 
senting that heretofore undefined 
special-interest group. Of course. the 
N.L. isn't registered under that name, 
but we can infer its existence from 
the kinds of men who get elected to 
public office and from the kinds of 
legislation they propose. A good ex- 
ample of this lobby's work is con- 
tained in the following report by Dan 
Sheridan, a writer and former New 
Jersey newspaper editor now work- 
ing in Chicago. 

New Jersey became one of the 
more enlightened states last summer 
when its legislature overhauled the 
criminal code—effective next Septem- 
ber—and in the process did away 
with most social crimes. Under the 
new law, adultery. ndly card 
games and sex between consenting 
adults no longer are criminal of- 
fenses. In 1977, the stete supreme 
court declared the New Jersey forni- 
cation law unconstitutional. 

Now, state senator Joseph Maressa, 
a Camden County Democrat, says he 
wants to "drive homosexuals back 
into the closet." He has proposed 
legislation that would make sexual 
relations between men punishable by 
up to five years in prison and a $7500 
fine. 

"All that we seek is a stigma," 
Maressa said. "1 don't want anyone 
to go to jail. | don't want anyone to 
be blackmailed. But | want our young 
people to understand that homosex- 
uality is an undesirable lifestyle. | 
don't see one single prosecution un- 
der this bi He added, “I'm afraid 
of society's drifting in the wrong di- 
rection. I'm going to do whatever | 
can to get it back on the track." 

Many legislators see the proposal 
as Neanderthal, but the antigays and 
the Bible thumpers have a lot of 
votes. And what politician wants to be 
labeled a sodomite? 


At last report, the proposal still had 
to make it out of the senate judiciary 
committee and through both houses 
of the legislature. Assembly speaker 
Christopher J. Jackman, a Hudson 
County Democrat, said he would put 
the measure “оп a back burner" if it 
gets to the assembly. State attorney 
general John J. Degnan said at com- 
mittee hearings that he would advise 
Governor Brendan Byrne not to sign 
such legislation because it would be 
unconsti mal and unenforceable. 
However, Senator James Cafiero, a 
Cape May Republican and cosponsor 
of the bill, said during the same 
hearings, "I don't want to go around 
peeking through keyholes. But by 
taking the stigma out of it, we'd be 
giving it the Good Housekeeping Seal 
of Approval.” 

Cafiero had noted that lesbians 
would not be included. Maressa 
hadn't intended to leave out female 
gays, but the attorney general said 
the bill's wording, which proscribes 
“oral or anal intercourse” between 
members of the same sex, refers to 
penetration. And that, Degnan said, 
excludes women. Maressa, by the 
way, voted to revise the state's crim- 
inal code last summer. During the 
voting, a mostly elderly crowd in the 
galleries raved and shouted, calling 
the senators sodomites and perverts. 

Recently, Maressa said that even if 
the bill failed, it likely would be re- 
introduced in one form or another, 
and added that he might propose an 
amendment making oral or anal inter- 
course a disorderly-persons offense 
punishable by a $500 fine. Asked if 
he thought that would improve the 
bill's chance of passage. he said, “I 
don't know. They [members of the 
judiciary committee] might not agree 
with that. There are some hard-nosed 
rednecks on the committee who feel 
that the old values should stand, that 
sodomy is no small thing and that 
whether practiced heterosexually or 
homosexually. it should carry a rather 
severe penalty.” 


before Proposition 13 became law. The 
necessary social services (as T understand 
it) are still being administered. It is (fur- 
ther irony) the middle clas that is bear- 
ing the brunt of the cutback in services 
H. Gregory Mitchell 
Springfield, Virgini: 
We doubt that Wolfe ever read "Das 
Kapital”; maybe a few carly Weatherman 
tracts. Bul we thought his jargon was а 
nostalgic trip back to the late Si 


SPARING THE ROD 

I would like to thank the Playboy 
Foundation for its grant to The National 
Center for the Study of Corporal Punish- 
ment and Alternatives in the Schools. 
The center is a nonprofit university-based 
organization devoted to research, legal 
defense and «етіп: nforma- 
tion in regi shment 
l alternatives. It is devoted to the elim- 
ination of this publicly sanctioned meth- 
od of abusing children in schools. 

We are especially appreciative because 
the center operates on an extremely 
small budget provided by a diversity of 
funding sources, Corporal punishment is 


а long-held and cherished practice based 
the 


on a perverted interpretation of 
ethic that children's 
behavior 1 ude more positive by 
"bea out of them. 
Irwin A. Hyman, Director 
Тһе National Center for the 
Study of Corporal Punishment 
Alternatives in the Schools 
Temple University 
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 


“BAD PAPER” VET 

Alter two years in the Army, in 1952, 
and after some youthful mistakes, T was 
out with an undesirable dis 
there anything I can do about 
ate? It still bugs me to have 
тс for а few minor screw- 
rs of good service. 

ithheld by request) 

Indiana 

The A.C.L.U.s National Military Dis- 
charge Review Project advises us that 
some 3,000,000 vets since 1940 have re- 
ceived “bad paper” and there is some- 
thing thai can be done about it. Congress 
recently passed a law that permits all vets 
with undesirable discharges to apply to 
the Discharge Review Boards for a тегіс 
of their cases under new standards. And 
all veterans with general and undesirable 
or had-conduct discharges from special 
courts-martial who have already applied 
to the D.R.B.s can apply again. If a vet 
was discharged more than 15 years ago, 
he or she must apply to a D.R.B. before 
January 1, 1980. Ц a vet docs not fit into 
one of these categories, he or she сап 
apply to the Board for Correction of 
Military Records. 

Don't be afraid to apply. The hearings 
are private; the D.R.Bs even travel 


69 


around the country now. Lawyers famil 
jar with the process estimate that 50 
percent of the eligible veterans could get 
relief due to the application of the cur- 


опу good music Music without distortion. If your turntable is С 
yg: у SES, rent, more velaxed standards to tradition 


Quanta? turntable. You see, with the introduction of the Quanta models 


600, 700 and 800, BSR has created al reasons for bad paper. 
NO MORE аары Base Wir ШАУ ПО Tf you want a referral to someone who 
resonance. can help you, or want more details, you 
BAD Other turntables reduce resonance. BSR virtually can contact a [oundationsupported, поп 
eliminates resonance with concrete and foam. governmental group: Veterans Education 


Pn Бе E SS Project, Room 606, 1346 Connecticut 
ы с pues foun Avenue, Washington, D.C. 20036. Tele. 
Not one little vibration thanks to the isolation of the resonance-tuned phone number: 202-466-2244. 
suspension feet. 
No acoustical feedback: Just beautiful sound. And that’s only the INNOCENT UNES : ; 
beginning. Now, wait a minute. The abortion 
On every BSR Quanta turntable is an S-shaped statically balanced issue should have nothing to do with 
tonearm. Viscous damped cueing for perfectly smooth arm movement. whether or not a child is going to be 
And on the Quanta 800 is the most accurate Quartz Phase-Locked raised by dumb parents or smart parents 
Loop direct drive motor in existence. The quartz 


or no parents (The Playboy Forum, Sep- 
generated pulsed LED strobe display provides visual Бен tember), No amount ol rationalization 
В 


PLAYBOY 


monitoring of the speed. can subordinate the ant 
BSR Quanta tumtables, Non-resonating. Not bad. Quanta® жан ІСІНЕ WEDDED SE e ип» 
THE NON-RESONATING E from his irresponsible parents. 
TURNTABLES. hat miserable and self-serving people 
we have become to arrogantly declare t 
someone should not be born because 
he "doesn't stand а good chance.” Wi 
talking about life, damn it! Its the only 
sacred thing there is. 

Leave God, religion, the Bible and holy 
wars out of it. I've always said I believe 
only in art, love and life. I've borne ba- 
bies and all baby-related hassles. I've 

, they've survived and we've 
n graced by the very simple fact that 
we're alive with one another in all our ups 
and downs. And I even share that with 
the baby I gave up for adoption 18 years 
ago. If institutionalized children can't 
share it with parents, chances are they 
will share it with children of their own, 
ad infinitum. What a trip, what a high, 
what a goddamn miracl 

(Name withheld by request) 

Wichita, Kansa 


With the heavy-handed hyperbole 
typical of those who boast that their argu- 
ments are based on reason, not passio 
PLAYBOY accuses antiabortionists of 
waging а modern-day holy war. 

But surely the shoe is on the other 
foot. In a holy war, с.р a Moslem jihad, 
innocent lives are taken. It is the pro 
abortionists, not their opponents, who 
take innocent lives, and so it is they who 

a “holy war" (to use your cliché 
Avsov must indulge in pigeon- 
holing, compare the antiabortionists to 
ionists. And guess what? Many of 
us are atheists. 
Mark Hanson 
Richmond, British Columbia 


"The Playboy Forum" offers the 
opportunity for ап extended dialog 
between readers and editors of this 
publication on contemporary issues. Ad- 
dress all correspondence to The Playboy 
Forum, Playboy Building, 919 North 
Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Ilinois 60611. 


The Rose's Gimlet. 


Four parts vodka, one part elegance. 


without overasserting itself 

To make the Rose's Gimlet 
properly, simply stir 4 to 5 
parts vodka, gin or light rum 
with опе part Rose's Lime 
Juice. Serve ice cold, straight 
uporon the rocks. 

Tastea little elegance tonight. 
Have a Rose's Gimlet 


The elegance, of course, 
is Rose's Lime Juice. Which 
is the essential ingredient 
for turning any vodka into the 
most elegant of cocktails. 
That's because Rose's Lime 
Juice has anuncanny way 
of stimulating the taste 
of vodka, gin or light rum 


71 


Why you should plan to sell your 
new car before you buy it. 


Some cars have a way of going out of style more quickly than others. | 
So getting а good deal on a new car doesn’t necessarily mean you're getting 

a good deal. You also have to consider what the car will be worth when 
the time comes to sell it. Of course, you can expect less money if you trade 
it in to a dealer. 


Naturally, we can’t promise what the 1979 Honda Civic’ will be worth 
next year or the year after. But the car’s past record shows that its resale 
value ranks among the best in the country. 


For instance, in 1976 the Honda Civic CVCC 4-speed Hatchback had a sug- 
gested retail price of $3189. According to the N.A.D.A. Official Used Car 
Guide (average of nine regional editions), its resale price in November 1978 
was $2950. That’s a depreciation of only 7%% 


Actually, you don't have to study the past record of the Civic СУСС Hatch- 
back to understand its excellent resale value. All you have to do 

is study the Civic СУСС Hatchback. The standard features that make it a 
good buy as a new car are calculated to make it attractive as a used car. 


©1978 American Honda Motor Co., Inc. 


*Price comparison is based on the following. Suggested price of 1976 Civic CVCC Hatchback does not include freight or 
dealer prep charges. Resale price is that of basic car; prices vary according to mileage, equipment, and condition. 
‘Trade-in prices are substantially lower. Depreciation percentage assumes buyer purchased car at 1976 sticker price. 
Depreciation of other 1976 Civic models ranges from 12.5% to 4.1%. 


We're talking about such things as our famous CVCC Advanced Stratified 
Charge Engine, front-wheel drive, rack and pinion steering, 

four-wheel independent MacPherson strut suspension, power front disc 
brakes, opening rear-quarter windows, tinted glass, and fully reclining 
bucket seats. 


Another reason why the Honda Civic retains its market value so well is 
that our older cars don’t look old. The styling changes the Civic has 
undergone over the years are relatively minor. And its simple basic design 
hasn't changed at all. 


We're fond of pointing out that a Honda is simple to drive, simple to 
own, and simple to enjoy. But the next time you buy a new car, wed also 
like you to remember how simple the Honda Civic is to scll. 


HON DA 


We make it simple. 


. Wolfschmidt Vodka. © / 
The spirit of the Czar lives on. 


^ h 
; It i... of “War 
‘ Peace.’ The Nutcracker 


Suite!’ Of Tolstoy and 
Dostoevsky. 
Yet in this age when 
legends lived, the Czar stood 
7 like a giant among men. 
He could bend an iron bar 
on his bare knee. Crush a 
Silver ruble with his fist. He 
had a thirst for life like no 
, other man alive. 
And his drink was the toast 
Petersburg. Genuine 


—N 


which elevated it to special 
appointment to his Majesty 


Wolfschmidt 
Genuine Vodka 


PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: MALCOLM F ORBES 


a candid conversation with “the happiest millionaire” about publishing, 
wealth, ballooning, motorcycle riding and the many virtues of capitalism 


MONEY 15 A BURDEN 
Some of us are willing to shoulder 
some burdens. 

MONEY'S FUN 
when you have some. 

Having none, ain't none. 

THERE ARE MORE FAKERS 

in business than in jail. 


Samples from the little green book 
called “The Sayings of Chairman Mal- 
colm” Dedicated, in ай 13 pages of small 
type, to 2200 or so of his good friends, 
it will be а success even by Forbes's 
standards, he deadpans, if it sells as well 
as the other Ghairman’s sayings. The 
ones in the little red book. 

That's typical of Malcolm Forbes, 
poking as much fun at himself as he 
docs at others, and laughing all the 
way 10 the bank, but most of all refus- 
ing to feel guilty about his inherited 
fortune, which he used as the founda- 
lion to create a many-times-larger for- 
tune. Malcolm Forbes is undoubtedly 
one of the wealthiest men in America. 
Asked how he did it, he replies: 
“Through sheer ability (spelled in-h-e-ri- 
ЕЕ ۴ 

Forbes's father began the business mag- 
azine that bears the family name in 
1917, and Malcolm now serves as both 


1 


“Average income is higher than it ever 
was. The number of jobs is greater than 
it ever was. The number of millionaires 
is greater. What is it? It's free enterprise. 
It's incentive. It's reward. It’s fun.” 


editor in chicf of Forbes magazine and 
president of Forbes, Inc. The magazine, 
with its circulation of 670,000—slightly 
ahead of Time, Inc.'s Fortune—is nol a 
mass publication, but its audience of 
high-level business executives gives it an 
influence far beyond its sales figures. 
According to Forbes's statistics, the maga- 
zine's readers have an average net worth 
of over $550,000; one out of 13 is a 
millionaire; and altogether they own 
approximately 140 billion dollars’ worth 
of corporate stocks. A reporter estimated 
two years ago that the magazine's profit 
may run in excess of $10,000,000 a year, 
and Forbes is the sole owner, as he is of 
all the other properlies in the Forbes, 
Inc., empire. As he says, “Our annual 
stockholders! meeting tends to be brief.” 

In the inner circles of big business 
and Big Government, Forbes is well- 
known as one of America's most influ- 
ential businessmen, and probably ihe 
most outspoken advocate and. defender 
of the capitalist system. "Malcolm knows 
more corporation presidents than any- 
body else,” says one of his aides. “Mal- 
сөйт doesn't talk to vice-presidents, 

That may be, but nobody has ever 
accused Forbes of being stuffy and taking 


“Money тау be an immense facilitator, 
but it still comes down to your capacity 
to enjoy: to cat, to love, to read, to see, 
to feel. All those things are no greater for 
a rich man than for a poor man." 


himself too seriously. He has a veputa- 
lion as am eccentric and flamboyant 
Sportsman who loves fun even more 
than money. In 1973, only 15 months 
after he took his first ride in а bal- 
loon at the age of 52, Forbes sailed alone 
across the U.S., from Oregon to Chesa- 
peake Bay. It took him 34 days and һе 
was black-and-blue from head to toe 
from dozens of rough landings at about 
25 m.p.h., but he set six world records 
for ballooning, won the Harmon Tro- 
phy and drew major press attention to 
ballooning for the first time. 

Never satisfied with doing anything 
оп а less-than-grand scale, he then began 
preparing for what he called “the ulti- 
mate trip.” He spent more than 
$1,000,000 on space-age technology and 
created a spectacular 60-story-high clus- 
ter of 13 balloons designed to carry 
Forbes and a copilot, riding in an 
Apollolike capsule at a stratospheric alti- 
lude, nonstop «cross the United. States 
and the Atlantic Ocean. But a near fatal 


accident caused by a failure in the 
ground equipment just a few minutes 
before launch aborted Forbes's attempt 
to become the Charles Lindbergh of 
ballooning. 

Forbes's other favorite hobby is equally 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY VERNON L. SMITH 
“I love motorcycles... . On my bike trip 
through North Africa, I had a big nifty 
black Harley—without saddlebags—run- 
ning 1200 с.сх, а real hog. But cool. 
Mag wheels, all the latest.” 


75 


PLAYBOY 


76 


unlikely for an establishment rich man: 
motorcycling. But a few years ago, 
when he took his fist ride and fell 
in love with biking, he responded in 
characteristic fashion. He bought a small 
motorcycle shop so he could acquire his 
machines wholesale, then aggressively 
turned it into one of the largest distrib- 
utorships on the East Coast. Every year, 
he manages to crowd into his schedule 
bike trips through different continents, 
and his friends shake their heads in be- 
wilderment at the notion that Forbes 
will lunch in his private dining room at 
his office—surrounded by Van Gogh and 
Rubens—with someone such as David 
Rockefeller, then dash off to ride the 
holtest new bikes with his young motor- 
cyelist friends. 

Forbes sees no paradox in that. 
Whether it's business or pleasure, all he 
wants is the best of everything, and he 
gels it. He claims he's not “Rockefeller 
rich,” but a quick list of just his most 
publicly visible holdings adds up to a 
sizable fortune by anybody's standards: 
Forbes magazine, his motorcycle distribu- 
lorship, a 40-acre estate in New Jersey, 
250 square miles of land in the 
Sangre de Cristo Mountains of Colorado, 
а 20,00-acre cattle ranch in Montana 
(managed by his wife, Roberta), а 117- 
foot yacht, a Christopher Wren man- 
sion in London, a palace in Tangier, a 
3000-acre island in the Fijis (“Why did 
I want an island in the South Pacific? 
Doesn't everybody?”), Zane Grey's old 
home in Tahiti, а multimillion-dollar 
collection of Victorian paintings and 
possibly the world's largest privately 
owned collections of Fabergé jewelry 
from czarist Russia. Asked once if he 
were a defender of the capitalist system, 
Forbes smiled and replied: “No. I'm a 
beneficiary.” 

To find out what the world looks 
like to such a jaunty centimillionaire, 
and 10 get his views on money and capi- 
talism and ballooning and motorcycling, 
PLAYBOY sent writer Lary DuBois to inler- 
view Forbes. His report: 

"I тепаетооизей with Forbes at the 
Hyati Regency in Los Angeles, where 
he'd rented a ballroom for the evening 
and invited a couple of hundred of L.A.’s 
business leaders for dinner and a show- 
ing of a documentary film written and 
produced by two of Forbes's sons. The 
title of the film is ‘Some Call It Greed, 
and it turned oul to be a slick, sophisti- 
cated расап to the capitalist history of 
America—primarily its triumphs, but ac- 
knowledging its failures. Not соеп Forbes 
can finesse the Great Depression. 

“It was the 13th time in the past few 
months that Forbes had held this eve- 
ning for the cream of the cream in big 
cities across the U.S., plugging, as he 
always does, Forbes magazine and the 
capitalist system at the same time. Al- 
most immediately, I saw an example of 


his versatile personality. During dinner, 
he sat next to Roy Ash, cofounder of 
Litton Industries and Director of the 
Office of Management Budget during 
parts of the Nixon and Ford Administra- 
tions; but as soon as Forbes was free, he 
jumped up and found his friend, the 
young editor of Cycle magazine, and 
Spent several minutes talking exciledly 
about motorcycles. 

“Нез a friendly, unpretentious man 
with an engaging sense of humor, espe- 
cially about himself, and 1 began learn- 
ing the next morning how he’s been able 
to build his fortune and still have so 
much spare time for his hobbies: energy. 
The man is 59 and he’s still hard to 
keep up with. After 18-hour days in 
Vancouver, San Francisco and Los An- 
geles, we were racing off to the airport 
at 6:30 A.M, and the moment he got 
settled in his seat, he pulled out his 
Wall Street Journal and began circling 
and clipping articles, leaning over his 
shoulder to discuss his reaction to the 
news with Jim Dunn, the publisher of 
Forbes mugazine. 

‘ds soon as he finished reading the 
paper, he said he wanted to slart the 


— 
“We are of use to people 
who want to succeed in a 

free-enterprise system. 
We praise success. We blow 
the whistle on failure.” 


interview. I turned on the tape recorder 
as the plane was taxiing and Forbes 
answered my questions nonstop until the 
plane touched down five-and-a-half hours 
later. 1 didn't even have time to notice 
my lunch, Reticent, Malcolm Forbes is 
not. Based on his principle of cramming 
everything he can into the time avail- 
able to him, he wanted to do the whole 
interview in one sitting, get it over with 
and go on to the next project. It was 
an impressive performance, even though 
follow-up questions at a later date were 
required. 

“The next morning, at 8:30, I arrived 
at the 79th Street Basin in Manhattan 
and boarded the Forbes yacht for a trip 
up the Hudson to the West Point football 
game, and there was Forbes, already lined 
up with his wife and two of his sons and 
а daughter-in-law, in a receiving line to 
greet their guests: the heads of 22 large 
corporations, their wives—and me. 1 had 
been asked to keep the yacht trip off the 
record, not because it involved anything 
Sinister—I didn't hear a capitalist. con- 
spiracy all day—but out of respect for his 
guests’ privacy. 

“But I will say that it was a hell of a 


lot of [ип being catered to in such high 
style—an exquisite luncheon on the way 
up, an exquisite dinner on the way 
back. Forbes had told me that he loved 
using his yacht for these football trips, 
because after spending 14 hours in such 
a relaxed environment with such a small 
group, you have a real feeling about al- 
most everybody by the end of the day. 
And it was true. It was the perfect way 
for Forbes president Malcolm to sell the 
virtues of his magazine as an advertising 
medium, and at least one way for editor 
in chief Forbes to size up the corporate 
leaders he reports on. 

“Tired but still buoyant at 10:30 that 
night, Forbes loaded his family and me 
into a big station wagon and we drove 
Off to his estate in New Jersey. By now, 
I was ready to sleep in, but early 
the next morning Forbes woke me up to 
show me around the place. I could bare- 
5 get out of bed. 

“The landscape around his home is 
casually littered with balloon gondolas 
and onc large garage is filled with the 
most beautiful motorcycles I'd ever seen. 
After the tour, we had a high-spirited 
family brunch, with some of the grand- 
children over to visit, and then Forbes 
was off again. Along with a 28-year-old 
friend who pilots his balloons and 
doubles as a security guard, we drove 
Forbes's little Honda Accord into Man- 
hattan, where he dropped me off at 
а friend's apartment and then went 
straight to Kennedy Airport to take a 
flight to Casablanca. He was going to 
spend the next two weeks riding bikes 
through North Africa and Europe. Like 
his friends, when we said goodbye, I sort 
of had to shake my head in bewilder- 
ment, too, at this astonishing capitalist 
tool." 


PLAYBOY: Let's talk about capitalism. 
FORBES: Grcat idea. One of my favorite 
subjects. 

PLAYBOY: We thought so, since you like 
to call your magazine a “Capitalist Tool.” 
FORBES: That's our slogan. Karl Marx 
probably wouldn't appreciate my sense of 
humor, but he captured nicely the es- 
sence of my function and the function 
of the magazine. We are a capitalist 
tool. We are of use to people who want 
to succeed in a free-enterprise system. We 
praise success. We blow the whistle on 
failure. We are constantly needling, It 
sometimes makes us unpopular even with 
our own capitalist readers, particularly 
those who get poor report cards, but it’s 
all based on the premise that if you're 
going to serve the system, you'd better be 
successful, and if you're not, somebody 
better tell on you before you lose your 
stockholders’ money. 

PLAYBOY; 115 been said that you probably 
know more chief executive ofhcers— 
CEOs in Forbes ology—of cor- 
porations than any other man in Amer- 
ica. What's your impression of the quality 


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80 


of top management of American corpora- 
tions today? 

FORBES: You'd expect that the president of 
a big company should be pretty outstand- 
ing, and overall, the caliber of CEOs is 
toprate, but there are more mediocrities 
in top positions than you'd expect. True, 
they tend not to last long, but how they 
get there always amazes me. 

PLAYBOY: How do they get there? 

FORBES: "There's always factionalism and 
politics in corporations, and very often, 
you see a CEO who's retiring pick a re- 
placement who's been satisfactory to him 
and for him, but being a good second 
man is different from being a good top 
man. It's funny; sometimes the biggest 
failure of a CEO is in his choice of his 
successor. My father used to say that he 
never bought the stock of a company 
based on its balance sheet. He always 
bought management, based on his per- 
sonal impression of the top man, the guy 
at the steering wheel. That's the reason 
I make it a point to know all these guys. 
If they're capable and have the qualities 
that fit the company and the era and the 
industry's needs at the moment, that's of 
far greater value to a potential investor 
than whatever reserves a company may 
have or how long it's been in business. 
It's easy to forget that the benefit or harm 
of decisions made today in corporations, 
particularly large corporations, may not 
be reaped for four or five years, so what 
you'd better know is the caliber of the 
man making those decisions now. Those 
are enormous chips they're playing with, 
and if they don't have the ability to make 
the right decisions now, the company is 
going to eventually get into trouble. 
You've seen that happen time and time 
again, 

PLAYBOY: In your opinion, how successful 
is the system as a whole these days? 
FORBES: The number of jobs is at an all- 
time high. The average income is the 
highest it's ever been. A greater percent- 
age of Americans have an equity in this 
country than ever before—they have a 
piece of the action. There are more 
millionaires than ever before. For all its 
shortcomings, irs providing more free- 
dom and wellbeing than any other sys- 
tem in history. It sure beats the hell out 
of the alternative, which is having an 
economy managed by the Government, 
producing things to meet the needs of 
the state, not the people. In short, I'd say 
that business is doing much better than 
its general image. 

PLAYBOY: And its general image isn’t 
good, according to most publicopinion 
polls. Why? 

FORBES: I wish more top executives would 
stop hiding behind their PR depart- 
ments and speak out publicly. We need 
more respected spokesmen for the frce- 
enterprise system. The public and bu 
ness suffer from chief executives’ timidity. 


I mean, there are guys who'll knock in 
heads in board rooms, but they're afraid 
to make public statements that might be- 
come controversial. 

In any case, profits shouldn't be the 
sole measure of success. It’s also making 
sure that not too many people are getting 
screwed by the system, and that people 
understand that the system as a whole is 
working for the benefit of the most 
people. I'm not suggesting they do that 
just to be nice to everybody but to be 
damned sure the system survives, and it 
doesn't help if everybody thinks he's get- 
ting the short end of the stick. 

PLAYBOY: Surely it’s not just a matter of 
better public relations. Corruption in 
business also plays 2 part in the bad 
image corporations have. How do you 
react to the broad picture of overseas 
bribery by American corporations that 
has come out in the past few years? 

FORBES: 1 think one of the stupidest things 
we did was to attempt to legislate our 
morality about bribery abroad. All it's 
done is cost thousands of Americans jobs 
and add to the further imbalance of 


“There are top executives 
who'll knock in heads in 
board rooms, but they're 

afraid to make public 
statements that might be- 
come controversial.” 


trade. In this country, we're used to pay- 
ing salesmen's commissions. That's the 
way it's done. In the Arab countries and 
in Europe and in much of Asia particu- 
larly, you're not dealing a sales or- 
ganization. There’s no middleman. You 
pay a commission to the fellow who or- 
ders your planes. The salesman is the buy- 
er. He may happen to be the Minister of 
Aviation and he wants his commission 
on the sale. But for us to say that if you 
want to sell planes overseas you can't 
pay a dollar to a salesman there—who 
also happens to be the buyer—all we do 
is lose the order to the French, the Ger- 
mans or the British, who can pay it. Of 
course, we don't want to encourage brib- 
ery, but for God's sake, when that is the 
way that countries do  business—well, 
they have to buy their systems from some- 
body and it's stupid to say we can't pay 
the same commission that everybody else 
does, It takes us out of competition. 

PLAYBOY: You seem to be advocating an 
everybody-does-it approach. And so, based 
on the example of bribery in Congress by 
South Korea—Koreagate—wouldn’t you 
guess that other countries are doing the 
same thing to our officials? 
FOREES: I think not, For a 


aple reason. 


"They expect to get money from our Gov- 
ernment, not contribute (o the men who 
run it. They expect it to be handed to 
them. They don't have to bribe, All they 
have to do is have а stable government 
and they get handouts from us. Also, 
they're too small and too greedy. 

lt was a damnfool thing for those 
Congressmen to take money from the 
Koreans, but Congressmen have to raise 
campaign money since we don't allot 
them clection funds, which is foolish. 
Usually, they get money from construc- 
tion companies and other direct benefi- 
ciaries. But at least here, bribery is a 
serious crime; in those other countries, it 
may or may not be, but that’s the way 
business is done. When we say no to that, 
they'll take second best, and all we've 
done is cut our own throats. 
PLAYBOY: What do you think is the most 
serious problem facing American business 
today? 
FORBES: Inflation. No doubt about it. 
PLAYBOY: Thats certainly what's on 
people's minds. Why are we suffering this 
inflation? 
FORBES: The cause of inflation is not 
some complicated piece of gobbledygook 
that nobody but an economist can under- 
stand. Very simply put: You have a 
Federal Government that for too many 
decades has spent more than it has taken 
in in taxes. So what does it do? It prints 
more dollars. If you print more dollars 
than you've earned, they become worth 
less, and that's what we've been doing. 
When Franklin D. Roosevelt started thi 
Keynesian economic philosophy, Govern- 
ment debt and spending had a genuine 
and important purpose in bringing us out 
of the Depression. But here we are, with 
the economy for the past few years 
healthier than it's ever been, and the 
Government is still running record def- 
icits. I don’t think Carter understood for 
a long time the ramifications of that for 
the economy, and J was nearly ready to 
give up on him altogether. Fortunately, 1 
think Carter has finally realized the 
importance of working toward a balanced 
Federal budget. 
PLAYBOY: Do you expect the devalued 
dollar to make a comeback? 
FORBES: To where it was, no. It will get 
to the point where it is no longer declin- 
ing vis-a-vis other currencies, and in effect 
that will be coming back. But we will no 
longer lead the toboggan. 
PLAYBOY: What sort of report card would 
you give Carter at this point? 
FORBES: He hasn't failed yet. In the begin- 
ning, 1 was very supportive. We have on- 
ly one President, and even though I'm a 
Republican, J couldn't have been hap- 
pier than to sce him successful. But he 
wasn't. He couldn't get any legislation 
passed. He couldn't get anything done. 
After a while, it looked as though he 
didn't understand who he was and what 
the Presidency was. I mean, a closed 


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mind belongs in the pulpit, not the 
White House, and he had to open his 
mind. He found that hard to do because 
his values were absolute, as born-again 
Christians are apt to be. Well, a con- 
viction of righteousness may sustain you 
as a person, but it won't do much for 
your Presidency if you carry it too far. 
He had to learn to settle for part of the 
Joaf, rather than all or none, because 
there are a lot of guys a President needs, 
like House Speaker Tip O'Neill, who 
wants part of that loaf, too. 

By the time of the Camp David Sum- 
mit, I'd become quite critical of Carter 
But Camp David was his resurrection. He 
won't get all he wants—and his media- 
tion efforts with Begin and Sadat may 
have been a near miss—but from his own 
new confidence, he's going to be more 
Presidential, and that will carry over into 
his efforts to fight inflation. They're 
going to have more teeth as a result of 
his new prestige. 105 funny, just before 
Camp David I was ready to grade Carter 
as a failure. I wrote an editorial predict- 
ing that Teddy Kennedy would beat 
Carter for the Democratic nomination in 
1980, but I decided in a hurry after the 
Summit not to publish that. I thought 
Kennedy would beat the hell out of Ron- 
ald Reagan on Election Day, and then 
everybody in business, including myself, 
who had ridiculed Carter because he 
couldn't get things done, would suddenly 
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things done. They'd be yearning for the 
good old Carter days, when nothing hap- 
pened. Kennedy would be a disastrously 
effective President. 

PLAYBOY: What do you mean by disas- 
trously effective? 

FORBES: I think Teddy Kennedy has a 
deep conviction that business is greedy, 
nefarious and undisciplined. 

PLAYBOY: All businessmen are sons of 
bitches? 

FORBES: That's what his brother J.F.K. said 
during his confrontation with the steel 
companies, and Teddy's the same way: 
Why, those sons of bitches! It's the kind 
of attitude that one so often finds in 
people who inherited a lot of money. 
They feel guilty about their inheritance, 
and you've got to remember that Joe 
Kennedy made much of his money in 
gambling, in liquor, in areas that kept 
him from gaining real social acceptance 
in the WASP world. The boys were of 
it, at Harvard and Palm Beach, but not 
yet in it, and there was always a Kennedy 
chip on the shoulder toward business, 
particularly big business. If he were in 
the White House, Teddy would probably 
succeed where Jack failed in passing pu- 
nitive measures and taxes, and putting so 
many restrictions and regulations on the 
conduct of business that it would jeop- 
ardize the whole economy. 1 think he's a 
igerous man. Not by intention; he's a 
warm human being and his sympathy for 


Sometimes 
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PLAYBOY 


84 


the have-nots i: But I don't think 
you accomplish their betterment by ham- 
and I do think Teddy 
ated partly by some 
malice in his heart. Look at Hubert 
Humphrey, bv contrast. A liberal, Hu- 
bert was popular with businessmen even 
though he wasn't espousing their cause. I 
had a good friendship with him, thought 
the world of him. He would have been a 
fabulous President. Sometimes he went 
overboard, but his knowledge, his enthu- 
siasm, his genuineness were refreshing in 
somebody who aspired to the White 
House. 

PLAYBOY: Go on with your a 
Carter. 

FORBES: Well, as I said earlier, I think in 
the aftermath of Camp David his efforts 
to fight inflation, for ins 
to have more teeth, 

His veto of the defense bill—I thought 
that was а really smart, move. Nobody's 
ever done it before. But look at that air- 
craft carrier—how stupid can you get, 
tying up two billion dollars in à carrier 
in the age of missiles? One missile could 
blow the whole damn thing out of thc 
water. They say it’s reasonably invulner- 


sessment of 


able. Sure it’s invulncrable—against the 
Viemamese. And carriers c: 
in bringing our power 


be valuable 
nto play in 
thc 


peripheral ions. But against 
Russians, it’s just a sitting duck, m. 
ingles, a hostage to fortune. About as 

pable of withstanding a Russ 
s the Seventh Army in Еш 
that represents is a hosu 


thing. 
It was the first glimmer of a gutfelt 
reaction, whereas before, he didn't know 
how to compromise. Either he 
сус уйш or he tried to swee 
cajole Congressmen. That works to a de- 
gree, but only when they realize you'll 
give them a left hook. sometimes. There's 
a lot of power that he’s beginning to 
learn how to usc. 
PLAYBOY: How did you feel about his 
recognition of Ghina? 


nder Nixon if he hadn't 
|. For us to pretend that 
is the kind of absurd- 
with China than 
with Red Russia after the 1917 Revol! 
tion. Pretending that they weren't there 
wasn't going to make their government 
go awa 
PLAYBO 


Wh 
ship with Carter like? 


Us your personal relation- 


FORBES: Well, he’s the only President who 
ever came to call on us at the office. Ob- 
viously, it was long before he was Presi- 
dent. Because I'm an old friend of Paul 
Austin’s, the head of Coca Cola, 1 was 
I'd see this ex-governor of Geor- 
gia who was running for President, My 


son Steve and I follow politics closely. 
He'll inherit 51 percent of the stock and 
he'll be running the business. Well, he 
loves politics. He can tell you what T 
lost cach county by in every election. 
Нез a historian of some merit and one 
of the best economists on our staff. Garter 
came to sec us in November, a few 
months before New Hampshire. He 73 
with Jody Powell, whose name meant 
nothing to me then, and a fellow from 
Wall Street. We agreed to see him, but cin 
you imagine? An ex-governor of Georgia 
taking himself seriously as a Presidential 
candidate? It was absurd. 1 had no cdi. 
tors in to meet him. We didn't take his 
picture sitting in my office. Everybody 
is brother signs my guestbook, 
I didn't even have him sign the guest 
book, for crying out loud, and 1 have а 
big collection of Presidential 
and letters. So now he's the sitting Presi- 
dent and I don't have any autographs, 
any pictures, anything. 1 can't imagine 
the IRS questioning whether he's a de- 
ductible visitor. Anyway, he gave us his 
blueprint, and when he Jeft the office, 1 


“Teddy Kennedy is a danger- 
ous man. Not by intention; 
he'sa warm human being, 
but he is motivated partly 
by some malice." 


said to my son, "Isu't it amazing how a 
man can delude himself? That's sad, be- 
cause the guy is sincere and. passionate." 
I warned my son that tha 
happen to you when you become ob- 
sessed by politics. I thought it was the 
perfect example of sincerity and futility 
marching hand in hand. So my personal 
relations with him—well, we didn't even 
get his picture or his autograph. 

PLAYBOY: How about your political am- 
bitions? Having run for the office of gov- 
crnor of New Jersey in 1957 and lost, did 

irc to Presidential pol 

t say I ran for governor, 
and if you scratch you've 
got a President. Hell, I'm glad I lost. 
Nothing could get me back into politics. 
As Carter and every President before him 
discovered, you can't do what you want 
to do and you spend 80 percent of your 
time ating people, listen- 
ng to opinions, many of which have lit- 
Ue value. It's so much more enjoyable to 
be giving advice than to be taking it. 
PLAYBOY: Whom would you advise the 
Republicans to run for President in 1980 
FORBES: I don't know. Let's put it th 
way. I'm not now convinced that Carter 
is a disaster and that any Republican 


would be better. In other words, 1 see 
hope for Mr. Carter doing the ht 
thing. To me, his Camp David accom- 
plishments cannot be exaggerated and 
I'm impressed with the way he finally bit 
the bullet оп curbing inflation. 1 he 
ends up spending less and. brings in a 
budget that is foresecably in balance, I 
think the man may offer far more than 
some Republican candidates might, Time 
and again, Гүс found it hard to swallow 
a Republican candidate, and in the pri- 
vacy of the voting booth, I didn't alw 
do it. The majority of people lean to 
the Democratic Party because it is a party 
of greater awareness and greater con- 
science, and the voice of the Republican 
Party is often the voice of reaction 
PLAYBOY: Do you by 2 chance ha 


ve in 


FORBES: Depending on how Mr. Reagan 
defines himself, he may not be the best 
answer for the country. And TII tell you 
that I thought Goldwater's nomi 
was bad. I thought he was out of step 
with the times and his election would 
not have been good for the country. The 
Republican label is endangered, in my 
judgment, because olten the people who 
call themselves conservatives are mei 
using a polite description for r 
PLAYBOY: How would you label yourself 
politically? 
FORBES: intelligent conservative, but 
in the normal sense of the nomenclature. 
1 suppose that would make me a liberal. 
On social issues, instance, I think 
that not legalizing abortion is an abor 
tion. To outlaw that strikes me as a really 
arrogant political presumption. 1 can 
respect the belicfs of those for whom it's 
a religious conviction, but it doesn't have 
a place in law. It h place in con- 
science. That's a decision for people to 
make out of personal conviction, not 
le; necessity. In terms of the Govern 
ment and the economy, 1 simply think 
that the way you conserve what you value 
is to anticipate change, and if you're not 
in the vanguard, at least be flexible and 
open to the nuances. You don’t preserve 
by dropping roadblocks in the path of 
change. So thats a long-winded defini- 
tion of what I mean by liberal, which із 
really intelligent conservatism. 
PLAYBOY: Teddy Kennedy would label 
aself a liberal, too, yet you fear his 
approach. 
FORBES: A lot of the costly things he ad- 
vocates are desirable goals, But he would 
© us do vastly more good things than 
we can afford to do right now—that's 
what got us into this inflationary jam 
right now. His national 
nce program is am appeal 


ion 


for 


ing idi you weigh the costs against 
the benefits. $20,000-a-year wage 
carner is realizing that he wants to give 


the Government less, and get less from 


He knows where to wear his diamonds. 


Your jeweler сап show you other exciting trends in men's diamonds starting at about $300. The piece shown (ud for detail) is available for about 
5145000. Prices may change substantially due to differences in diamond quality and market conditions. Beers. A diamond is forever. 


“Hi, I'm Walt Garrison. And I want you to get in on the Skoat ч AMERICAN c 

‘Dash for Cash’ Sweepstakes. Skoal, one of the fastest „Sl Rog, U4, 
rowing smokeless tobaccos in America, is giving away over X Еу Are 
160,000 worth of prizes. And all you have to do to win 

опе of these great prizes is fill out the coupon and send 

itin. You dont have to buy a thing. The Grand Prize is 

Skoal Rocket, a beautiful two-year-old racing-bred 

American Quarter Horse. The colt will be awarded 

along with all entry fees, trainingand room and 

board paid in full up to and during the Futurity 

trials for the Skoal Dash for Cash Futurity Race. 

The race will be held at Los Alamitos Race 

Course in Los Alamitos, California on July 28, 

1979. More than that, the Grand Prize winner 

will get an all-expense paid trip for two to Los 

Alamitos to watch the race. ГЇ be there too. if 

you're the Grand Prize winner and you'd rather 

have cash instead of the colt, well give you 

$20,000. 


1765-10 BALLY 
VIRES PINBALL маке 
s 


u 
од se 


9 к 
"Sr p, АСА 
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The first. second and 
third prizes are pretly 
darn grand too. Three 
Coachmen recreational 
vehicles: a $16,000 
Leprechaun Mini Motor 
Home, a $13,500 
Modelcee Van Camper 
and a $10,500 TRV-1 
Travel Van. The next 10 
winners will gel a Bally sp, 
Strikes and Spares pinball PRIZE ТС) 
machine worth $1600. Other Cag ZES- FIFTY ВО! 2 
prizes include a Rolleiflex SL35E ERA OUTFITS 
camera outfit from Rollei includi 
lens, flash and case worth about $450, a 
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отс. SWEEPSTAKES RULES MO REGULATOR. 
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ҮТЕ дета е реле у Mas ae 


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сеге 
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AK Y M 


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Entry blank must be completed in ful 1o be valid. 


5 59 


the Government. Kennedy's health-insur- 
ance program, as well as being ап ad- 
ministrative mess, would be leading us 
in exactly the opposite direction. 
PLAYBOY: But in theory, the poor would 
certainly benefit. 
FORBES: That's only in theory, to begin 
with, and I'm not advocating that the 
poor be ignored. Kennedy wants to help 
the poor and so do I, but І don't think 
making them even more dependent on 
Government largess and inefficiency is 
the way to go about it. My concern for 
the poor is as real as anybody's, if not 
more so, because when you have so much 
of this world’s goodies and have been 
blessed with so much of the best that this 
life has to offer, if you're worth a damn, 
you'll have heightened awareness of those 
who don't have it so good. But fortu- 
nately, those numbers are getting smaller 
in this country. The percentage isn't any: 
where near as large as it was in Franklin 
Roosevelt's day, when there literally was 
an ill-housed, ill-fed, ill-clothed one third 
of the nation. The system has responded 
at, and even though the problems are 
and crying ones in urban areas 
and among blacks and chicanos and 
Puerto Ricans, the fact is that today in 
merica, there are more people earning 
d spending money, and more goods 
and services available than ever before. 
The free-enterprise system basically 
works. And I don't think you accomplish 
the betterment of those who not yet 
sharing in its rewards by crippling the 
system either by overtaxation or by over- 
regulation of every move a business 
makes 
1 think the overwhelming majority of 
people are coming to that same conclu- 
sion. They may disdain business. but 
they recognize that government is the 
problem. The threat is not the corporate 
guy; the threat is a government that 
leaves no income, that hamswings our 
productive capacity by taxing away the 
incentive to develop it even more fully. 
"There's a revolt in this country against 
government spending, symbolized by 
what happened with Proposition 13 in 
California. People don't want to pay as 
much tax, that's all there is to it. 
PLAYBOY: Still, while most people may 
feel they are getting screwed by taxes, 
they also feel that wealthy people and 
large corporations can manipulate the 
tax laws—and benefit by them. 
FORBES: It's not a matter of manipulating 
the tax laws. It isn't evasion of taxes by 
the rich. [ts that the n minimize 
their taxes by doing things they shouldn't 
be discouraged from doing, с 
it results in their paying, on 
come, proportionately far less tax than 
what somebody pays оп $20,000 a year. 
But that isn't a result of machination or 
iniquity. There are sound social reasons 
for the deductions available to the 
wealthy, and let's face іш Who the hell 


wants to pay more taxes than he has to? 
Only an ass. If you have money, you cin 
give it away, for instance, to socially 
worthwhile causes, instead of having the 
government take it. You wouldn't want 
to change the law on that, would you? 
PLAYBOY: Charitable contributions weren't 
what we meant. We were referring to 
that feeling among the public that Carter 
captured in his attacks on the deductible 
“three-martini lunch 
FORBES: There's a social purpose behind 
any deductible expense. It furthers the 
purpose of the business. To knock out 
deductions that help а business grow is 
just grabbing the short-term buck, and 
nobody could succeed in business very 
long grabbing the short-term buck the 
way the IRS would like to. I's a dumb 
approach. They say, "Gee, if you 
couldn't deduct this and that, you'd pay 
more taxes" Sure, but your business 
might be half as big next ycar and every- 
body's worse off. 

Don't ever think the IRS is out to 
t casy on the rich. It’s my experi- 
at those guys are out to get you 
y nickel they can. They go over 
my returns every year with a fine-tooth 
comb, It's a constant battle in big busi- 
ness, even small business, and it's reached 
the point where the amount of time 
spent in figuring out how to best struc- 
ture your business, given the complexity 
of the is probably greater than 
that spent in conducting basic business. 

When the decisions made in a big com- 
pany employing tens of thousands of 
people and involving the investment of 
huge amounts of capital are all related 
to the laws, then it's almost self- 
defeating. It warps the whole economy. 
"That's why the reduction in capital-gains 


taxes was a good thing. Congress unde 


stood something that Mr. Carter didn't, 
which is that this wasn't strictly а rich 
man's ploy. 

PLAYBOY: Would you agree, though, that 
most of the benefits certainly accrue to 
the rich, since they've the ones with the 
capital earnings now being taxed at a 
lower rate? 

FORBES: Substantial benefits will accrue to 
the rich and to those with the money to 
invest even if they are not really wealthy. 
But under the old law, people stopped 
selling something in which they had a 
profit coming because the tax was so 
high. That was warping the economy and. 


knocking out some of our entrepre- 
people of 


nemial drive. So it's true th; 
means get the most benefits. But the 
peus to reduce the cipital-gains ta 
came from middle-class groups—older 
people with small portfolios, home sell- 
ers discovering their profit was taxed as 
normal income. A lot of smaller people 
wanted the law changed so that they 
could receive a return. commensurate 
with the extra risk involved in their in- 
vestments, rather than leaving their mon- 
су sitting in banks. In short, the rich 


87 


1 


~~. For confidence in 
7 the aummiest driving 


e conditions. 


€ 


D 


Nothing shakes your confidence like / ақы Blistering heat down South. 
beastly driving conditions and worn фм EA i» Record rains out West. Slush 
tires on slick pavement. » NIME SA R and snow in the East. 


Э) For long wear and 
zr i27. improved mileage potential 
15%) get Quadra, the year-round 
1 radial. And feel confident, 
22| even in the crummiest 
driving conditions. Check the 
peuo pages for your nearest 
ayton dealer. ' 
The safety and mileage of any tire 


depends on inflation pressure, ve- 
hicle weight and driving conditions. 


And nothing restores it quicker 
than Quadra, the new, smooth-riding, 
always-in-season radial from Dayton. 

Quadra's precision-engineered 
radial construction and year-round 
tread design give you 
confidence in the 
country's crummiest 
driving conditions. 
Winter blizzards and 
icy roads up North. 


The Dayton Tire & Rubber Co., Dayton, Ohio 45401 


have very little clout on a popular issue 
im Congress, and Congress passed this 
despite the Presidents flag-wavi 
the bill benefiting only the r 
the reason Congress did that is be 
discovered that the bulk of its constitu- 
ents wanted it that way. 

PLAYBOY: The IRS statistics say that the 
majority of wealth in this country is con 
trolled by about two percent of the pop. 
ulation. Just as a matter of simple 
economic efficiency, don’t you feel the 
wealth in this capitalist system is too 
concentrated? 

FORBES: Thats totally asinine, It was 
more concentrated back when you had а 
few men controlling the big outfits like 
U. S. Steel. Jesus! Who owns all the stocks 
in this country? Pension funds are the 
biggest stock-owning institutions. The 
concentration is not in the hands of 
individuals today; it’s in the hands of 
institutions. Its nothing like it was at the 
turn of the century, when you had a few 
rich people, and through them interlock 
ing boards of directors and a few key 
industrial concerns, such as the J. P. 
Morgan fi 


the hands 
stitutions, but that doesn't answer 
stion about undue concentration 
h. 

j: Insurance companies and trustees 
of pension funds and the like—these 
people control the bulk of stocks, but 
they're. not allowed to control the com- 
panies they invest in. They are only 
allowed to concern themselves with the 
soundness of the investment itself, and 
most of these trustees аге not rich 
They're high-salaricd but not wealthy in 
the old turn-of-the-century sense. It isn't 
their money involved. 1—5 the money of 
millions of others. 

PLAYBOY: But the Rockefellers, the Du 
Ponts, the Mellons, the Hunts—you take 
а half-dozen families like that and 
wouldn't you guess that they own or con- 
trol many, many billions in assets? 
FORBES: "hats no longer true. Those 
very families you've named no longer 
control a significent or appreciable p 
centage of the nation’s wealth. 


he 
foundations and special funds they set 
up to avoid confiscatory taxes changed 


all that, For. insiance, these foundations 
can no longer hold substantial equity in 
the stock of the company they were 
founded with. Under law, they have 
to decontrol. Take David and Nelson 
Rockefeller: Their prestige vastly, vastly 
exceeds any direct control that they or 
all the Rockefellers haye. David may have 
more contol than other wealthy people 
because he's the head of a major bank. 
But he doesn't get to go into the trustee 
department and tell them to buy and sell 
this and that, Most of the families you 
mentioned not interlocked, not in- 
terrclated. They are often preying on 


AN IRISH MIST 
SETTLED OVER THE 
EVENING. 


The hills roll forever. The lakes radiate light. 
The dew kisses each morning. The mist settles every 
evening. You can taste it all, and more. 

Trish Mist is the legendary, centuries old drink 
made from all this and sweetened with just a wisp 
of heather honey. Irish Mist can be enjoyed 
anytime, or place, or way: on the rocks; neat; or 
mixed with anything you like. 

It’s a pleasing land. It's a pleasing drink. 


| IRISH MIST. 
THE LEGENDARY SPIRIT: 


Imported Irish Mist ® Liqueur, 80 Proof. © 1978 Heublein, Inc., Hartford, Conn., U.S.A. 


VRROOOM TO SPARE. 


Ifthere’s one thing we've learned 
in building high-performance 
streetbikes, it's never to forget 
where they do their high per- 
forming. 

Because on the street, how 
well a motorcycle performs is 
often a function of much more 
than aquick quarter mile. 

Ittranslates into such mat- 
ters as sailing into a stiff head- 
wind. And packing enough 
mid-range wallop to pass a 
diesel double-tanker on the 
downside of a mountain. 

With this in mind, we 
designed the new XS Eleven — 
and XS750 to go beyond 
sheer speed. 


True, the output of their 
respective engines is awesome. 
The Eleven’s 1101cc, DOHC, 
four-cylinder with TCI and 
vacuum advance is a techno- 
logical marvel. And the 750’s 
potent triple is more than a 
match for any four-cylinder 
750 anywhere. 

Yet even with all that power, 
they’re still the leanest, lithest 
designs in their classes. And 
their remarkably light, narrow 
frames make these already 
agile handlers even more so. 


YAMAHA, UNCHAINED. 
On top of all that, when our 
engineers conceived the Eleven 
and 750, they incorporated a 
unique advance in chain tech- 
nology. 

They threw them away. 
And in their place, affixed 
Yamaha’s sophisticated, su- 
perbly efficient shaft drive. 
Quiet, clean, and virtually 
maintenance-free, this fully- 
enclosed drive train hitches up 
with constant-mesh, five-speed 
transmissions to provide an 
incredibly smooth, steady power 
transfer. Mile after mile. 
_After mile. 


VRROOOM WITH A VIEW. 


The Yamaha Touri 


touring, they're proof positive 
that getting there can be alot 
more than half the fun. 

They both deliver enough 
ready power to transport you, 
a cohort and a full load of gear 
overan route you 

nd shocks are com- 
adjustable. The 
tw JO- eed Seat 


> to travel. 


shaft drive is particularly suited 
for the long haul. 


Cast alloy wl 

ling tur 

mentation. Quartz-halogen 
headlights. 


PACKAGE TOUR. 


If we've managed to sell 
touring on an Elev n or 


zgage carrie 
backres 
e a good, hard look at 
г XS Eleven and XS 
They're two 
that really are d 


PLAYBOY 


y% hour 


t yei TOMER. 
| — ————— M 


Tom Morris didn't get to be the top salesman in 
his company by keeping regular business hours. 
That makes him a tough customer for hotels that 
won't hold his reservations until he arrives. So Tom 
keeps coming to Rodeway Inns. 

Like many other business 
travelers, he uses one of his major 
credit cards to reserve a room in ad- 
vance and guarantee it for late arrival. 

It's easy to do. Just call our 
toll-free reservations center at (800) 
228-2000 and your reservation is 
guaranteed for the Rodeway Inn 
hotel, motel or resort of your choice— coast to coast 
and in Canada. 

So next time you're travel- 
ing, for business or pleasure, 
be a tough customer like Tom. 
There's one place sure to satisfy 
you. That's a Rodeway Inn! 


x1 (800)228-2000 MES 


In Nebraska, Hawaii and Mexico, call collect (402) 571-2000. apem -TOMERS STOP HERE! 


In Canada, call collect or ask the operator for Zenith 06040 


one another when it comes to investments 
and control of companies. Remember, 
those families have now passed through 
two or three generations of inheritance 
taxes, and the only way any really big 
hunks of their money have survived is 
through trusts and foundations, and 
those are rigorously controlled by the 
Federal Government, Henry 
perfect example. He doesn't even agree 
with the direction of the Ford Founda- 
tion, but he can't do anything about it. 
In short, this whole idea is a tribute 
more to a myth than to the facts 

PLAYBOY: The image of capitalism, as am- 
bivalent as it is today, has at least soft 
ened somewhat by comparison with what 
young people were saying about it in the 
Sixties. Why? 

FORBES: During the Twenti 
body, including the shoes! 


Ford is a 


‚ when every 
* boys, was 
making money in the stock market, busi- 
hessmen were seen as magicians. Before 
that, when they were “robber barons,” 
everybody was in awe of them, What they 
accomplished. Senators were elected. by 


gislators in many states, and they could 


buy seats for their favorites 

PLAYBOY: The best government money 
could buy. 

FORBES: Right. Businessmen had the pow- 
cr. Then in 1929, all that collapsed 
because businessmen were largely blamed 
for unemployment, for the 
dosing, for the policies—such as eco 
nomic isolation—4diat. contributed to the 
Depression. Businessmen never recov 
ered from that plunge. During World 
War Two, our. productive. accomplish 
ments gave them a new status, particularly 
when the production men were the heads 
of companies because they could organize 
the line that produced 7000 airplanes a 
month. So reputations 
were somewhat rehabilitated. But then, 
during the late Forties and Fifties, there 
was a lot of sleight of hand that went on 
in the business world. Instead of the ex- 
pected recession, there was growth, and 
the feeling that a businessman was, by 
definition, an exploiter 


factories 


businessmen's 


too. Profit 


rew 


wa 


scen as something wrung from the 
sweat of workers. This sort of thing has 
been a prevailing philosophy of many 
people, especially those who teach. In 
the academic world. there was a great 
degree of mutual disrespect 
man was 


A business 


bby exploiter: the acade 


the one who couldn't carn 
a living, so he taught. 


mician w 


to some d e in both cases, but 


s changed in the past few years is 
more people are going to coll 
and with the growth of Federal education 
ıs that made possible these new 


men had been talking 
to Government overt 


about with regard 
gulation and inter- 
ference. Academics suddenly discovered 


If you're still 
drinking 
Canadian & soda... 


It’s because you 
haven't tasted 
gold rum & soda. 


Thats the reaction that's 
made Puerto Rican Gold Rum 
one of the most popular and 
fastest growing liquors in 
America today. 

People try it once. Then again 
and again. 

Either with soda, with 7-Up 
or ginger ale, or on the rocks. 
Any way you try it, Gold Rum 
is the smooth alternative to 
bourbons, blends, Canadians 
—even Scotch. 

Try thedelicious Gold Rums 
of Puerto Rico. The first sip will 
amaze you. The second will 
convert you. 

Make sure the rum is 
Puerto Rican. The name 
Puerto Rico on the label is your 
assurance of excellence. 

The Puerto Rican people 
have been making rum for 
almost five centuries. Their spe- 
cialized skills and dedication 
result in a rum of exceptional 
taste and purity. 

No wonder over 85% of the 
rum sold in this country 
comes from Puerto Rico. 


PUERTO RICAN RUMS 
Aged for smoothness and taste. 
For free “Light Rums ol P. 


wnile: Puerto Ricar 
1290 Aver 


PLAYBOY 


94 


the merits of free enterprise, as it per- 
tained to education. With this vast fund- 
ing, Princeton could have its cyclotrons 
and Harvard could have a new depart- 
ment and city colleges could have schol- 
arship funds. But it wasn't long before 
some burcaucrat 
“Now, do you have equal facilities? Are 
you discriminating against blacks? What's 
your minority mix?” All legitimate qucs- 
tions, but putting your subsidy program 
in danger unless you spend your energy 
worrying about this and that and every 
other thing, Suings follow money. And 
there’s nothing like curbing a depart- 
ment head's freedom to make decisions 
to suddenly turn him into an advocate of 
free enterprise. Lots of guys moved right- 
ward on the spectrum after that hap- 
pened 

PLAYBOY: You sccm to be suggesting it 
may almost be chic for young business- 
General Motors president 
“What's 
ht for the 


came 


along, saying, 


men to quote 
les Wilson, who once said 
ıt for General Motors is r 
country.” 

FORBES: Engine Charley was right: he just 
should have reversed the sequence, But 
now people understand better what he 
was tying to say. This great mass of 
professors, instead of deploring the obvi- 
ous shortcomings and injustices of the 
system—and those are a percent of the 
whole—discovered the alternative, which 
has to be Government supervision, redis- 


Ith, socialism, I don't 
mean socialism as a generic condemna- 
tion. It isn't, There are some things that 
are properly publicowned. The Postal 
Service is a bad example, but the Govern- 
ment supposedly has to take the mails to 
the rural areas. 

But more education gave people more 
faculties to dispute a professor's ideas 
That helped. And the biggest single 
thing that happened is that a greater 
percentage of Americans do have an 
equity in the country now. They have а 
piece of the action. The average income 
in this country is higher than it ever was. 
The number at the poverty level is small- 
er than it ever was. The number of jobs 
is greater than it ever was. The number 
of millionaires is greater than ever be- 
fore. And there's been publicity given to 
new overnight millionaires by such pub- 
lications a» PLAYBOY, writing up the suc- 
cessful young guys, even the rock stars 
who are making more money than the 
president of Ajax Corporation ever did 
What is it? It's free enterprise, It's incen 
tive. Is reward. Its fun. I's ехейін 
So every kid has a chance. He doesn't 
have to be interested in business. He 
doesn't have to want to step on all the 
feet and climb up the ladder to the top 
of a corporation. He couldn't care less 
But Jesus 
music he's listening 10 has made guys 
rich. He's turned on by freedoms as never 


tribution of w 


he does like the idea that the . 


before. And he's aware of his power and 
the importance. of his freedom. The 
threat to him is not the corporate guy 
he deplores. The threat is a vernment 
that leaves him no income, or says 80 
percent of America has to be a public 
park and nobody can motorcycle іп 79 
percent of those parks. Jesus, this is his 
lifestyle they're talking about 

PLAYBOY: And your lifestyle, too. Al 
though you don't fit most people's image 
ol a devoted biker. 

FORBES: | wasn't until I was 50. Jt Һар: 
pened just by coincidence. One of thc 
guys who worked for me, a chauffeur, a 
neat guy, wanted to buy a motorcycle 
and asked il he could borrow tlie moncy 
from me. Well. I told him what most 
people would have told him, that motor 
cycling is dangerous and foolish and that 
he shouldn't dq it. Being a sensible man, 
I tried to talk him out of it. But he went 
ahead and bought one anyway and he 
gave me a ride one day, and the next 
thing I knew, I was buying so many 
motorcycles for myself and my sons, T 
decided I'd better find a way to get them 
wholesale. So I bought a shop in New 
Jersey and, as well as saving me money 
on my own bikes, it's become a sizable 
distributorship. So now I've got the best 
of both worlds. J sell them and [ ride 
them. I love motorcycles. 
PLAYBOY: What is it you love about them? 
FORBES: Traveling on a bike is invariably 


LaDolce Dexter. 


The styling, Italian. The leather, genuine kidskin. 


And the feeling is 


1979, Dexter Shoe Company, 


п St James Avenue, Boston, МА 02116 - 


Sure, we still make our 
classic Wrangler jeans. 
But today we're more. 
Much more. 

For example, we're an 
entire line of sportswear 
for men. Shirts, slacks, 
vests, whatever. Even 
Wrangler active sports- 
wear, like jogging outfits 
and warm-up suits. 

Wrangler. Today we've 
really got you covered. - 

2 


These are just three of the exciting new components in 
Technics Silver Edition. Each was designed to please the ` 
eye, but, of course, their real beauty lies in what you hear. 

Listening to our new DC integrated amp, the SU-8099, will 
tell you all you need to know about its performance. And 
3-Dimensional Analysis (3 DA) will tell you about the 
radically new way it was designed. 

З DA is a computer measuring system designed by 
Hewlett-Packard and Technics. It gives audio engineers and 
you a far greater insight into amplifier performance than 
is possible with conventional separate measurements of 
frequency response, power, and distortion. 

4000 precise measurements are plotted on a three-axis 
graph with power measured from 0.2 watt to rated output 
across a frequency band of IO Hz to 100 kHz. Distortion is 
evaluated from 0.0001% with distortion components 
measured out to | million Hz. The result is a picture of 
performance you won't get with conventional specs. 

Even elusive amp behavior like slewing rate and Transient 
Intermodulation Distortion (TIM) are easily identifiable, 
which helped our engineers design Silver Edition amps with 
appropriate slewing rate and inaudible TIM distortion. 

That’ one good reason the SU-8099 is hard to beat. 
Another is it’s a true DC integrated amp. With no coupling 
capacitors from input to output. And the output devices are 
our new Super Linear Power Transistors (SLPT) with an f, of 
100 MHz which enables us to achieve a closed-loop 
frequency response from DC to 200 kHz—3 dB. 

In the preamp section, our engineers added an 
extremely quiet phono equalizer complete with Technics- 
developed ultra-low-noise transistors. The result: an incred- 
ible phono S/N ratio of 96 dB at 5 mV. They also made it 


easier and less expensive to use a moving coil cartridge, 
because theres an MC pre-preamp built into the 50-8099. 

To maintain dynamic range and avoid clipping, you need 
highly accurate power meters. Like our fluorescent FL 
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PLAYBOY 


98 


a delight. T love the exposure to the ele- 
ments, being part of them instead of 
boxed off from them, the way you are in 
а car. It heightens every опе of your 
senses. Your vision is better, Your con- 
centration is better. You're taking more 
in every moment. It's terrifically invig 
ating. Your mind is working on a difler- 
ent beam—all your awareneses аге 
heightened in a way they 
office, at the desk, on the job. You're like 
somebody skiing down a slope: totally 
turned on. Гуе done some of my best 
thinking on a motorcycle. The onc prob- 
lem, Гуе discovered, is that it's 
difficult to jot down your thoughts on a 
note pad at 70 miles an hour, so the 
terrific new ideas you pet ly 
gone with the wind by the time you stop, 
but some of them stay. The people who 
work for me know they'll be flooded with 
memos and queries about my brain 
storms—or brainless storms, as some of 
them would say—trom my bike trip 
PLAYBOY: How many miles did you cover 
on your last bike trip? 

FORBES: Just about a thousand. I had two 
of my favorite bikes stored at my place 
in Tangier, and I wanted them moved 
up to my office in Munich for a trip I'm 
planning this spring, and I decided Td 
just take a friend and move them on up 
ourselves. So we flew to Casablanca, 
picked up the b ч nd rode 
across Morocco ough Algeria, I 
especially wanted to drive through Al- 
geria because ГА never been there before, 
and it's a ating country, not con- 
nected to the Western. world and not 
friendly with its neighbors. It’s like 
they're suspended in time between what 
they have been and what they want to 
become. You get а greater sense of pov- 
y there than in the rest of North Afri 
because Algeria, having gone through 
a long and bloody revolution to get its 
independence and having a government 
that tually Communist, 
trade with the rest of the world. The 
shops are threadbare, with little in them 
other than necessities, "There аге very 
Іше of the luxury items we tend to take 
for granted. As in the Iron Curtain coun- 
tries, production isn't things for people; 
it's things for the state. 

PLAYBOY: How did people react to a 
Ате 1 motorcyclist? 

FORBES: ‘There don't happen to be many 
Forbes magazine subscribers in Algeria, 
so my name doesn't ything. The 
reaction I got was to being an American, 
not to which American I am, and their 
premise was that all Americans are sus- 
pect capitalists. Fortunately, most of u 
Wi accused ol being what we're 
арру to be. But the people were excep- 
tionally friendly anyway. The bikes were 
a big turn-on for them because they're 
big street bikes, and that’s a sight they 
rarely see, What motorcycles they do 
ауе there tend to be of low ccs. 


ich 


PLAYBOY: What were you riding? 

FORBES: I had a big nifty black Harley— 
without saddlebags—running 1200 c.cs, 
a real hog. But cool. Mag wheels, all the 
lat 
PLAYBOY: What do those bikes cost? 
FORBES: Oh, I've got bikes that run up- 
wards of $12,000. 

PLAYBOY. То most people, that would 
seem like a lot of money lor a motorcycle. 
FORBES: lt is, But it's not just rich old 
goats like myself who have those wondei 
ful machines. People who are into bikes 
are like people who are into rock music. 
They may not have much else, but they'll 
have the top-of-the-line speakers, even if 
jt means laying out a month's wages. 
They'll pay anything they can get their 
hands on for tickets to the best concer 
So the top-of-the-line bikes are bought, 
just as often as not, by people whose 
incomes are small, but this is their dream 
nd their determination, and il youre 
determined 10 get something, you do. 
You just pay the price. 

PLAYBOY: How [ast do you travel? 

FORBES: On the Harley, when you get 
over about 70, the magic fingers start 
beating you to pieces. It just vibrates 


"Some people say I must 
have a death wish, doing 
these crazy things, but 
I don't. T ll be the saddest 
man at my funeral.” 


like hell. At the end of the day, you're 
not about ready to put a quarter in the 
hotel bed to get some shakes. You've been 
shaking all day. So as a practical matter, 
Thi g on me this last 
trip—just hanging on over 70, the vibes 
were such that I didn't stay there long. 
But on the Gold. Wing, which was the 
other bike we had, you can occasionally 
go in bursts of 110, 115 es an hour. 
There's no speed i many and 


rope, so it's leg 
do it from time to ti 
PLAYBOY: We heard you hit 130 once. 

FORBES: That was on the Van Veen, the 
new twin rotary bike from Germany. T 
Bot it last summer and my son and I 
took it out on its first run with Cook 
Neilson, the editor of Cycle magazine, 
and I wanted to see what its limits were. 
Well, I got to the bottom of me before I 
got to the top of the bike, because when 
I finally worked up the courage to look 
down at the speedometer and saw what 
it said, I started getting nervous. And 
when that happens, you begin to think of 
little things like blowouts, and you begin 


to think that this is damned foolishness. 
Which, of course, it is. At n 
being careful doesn’t do any good. И you 
have a blowout, you've had it. I didn't 
stay at 130 very long and ГЇЇ promise 
you and my insurance people right here 
and now that ГИ never do it a 
our motorcycling and balloon 
ing given you something of a repu 
tation of a daredevil who likes to flirt 
with danger. Why do you do it? 

FORBES: For the sense of the challenge 
and for the enjoyment. I'm not seeking 
danger е, it exists, but you minimize 
it as much аз possible, and that’s not hard 
to do. Some people say I must have a 
death wish, doing these crazy things, but 
I don't. IH be the saddest man at my 
funeral. The last thing 1 want to do is 
the next time around 1 can't pos- 
ibly € it as good as I do this time, so 
what the hell would I nt to check out 
for? I've got the best this world has to 
offer. 1 have no interest in leaving it. 
I'd never make a good ra 
because high speed per se isn't even a 
source of great satisfaction to me. I don't 
get that big a kick out of it, except, PI 
sec, I did 


speed, 


admit, that it is fun to say, 
once go .. . that fast" But not for any 
length of time. It’s just an occasional 


temptation. You look down that open 
road. There's virtually no traffic. You're 
trying to cover a long distance. You're 
exhilarated. And you just find that speed- 
ometer creeping up and up. Speed grows 
оп you. 
PLAY&OY: That's 
er main hobby 
forms of transpori 
balloons. 

FORBES: The ballooning happened by 
coincidence. 100. I just happened to read. 
in the local newspaper where I live in 
New Jersey that there was a fellow offer- 
ing balloon rides fe price. I had never 
seen а balloon or been in one, but it 
sounded like fun and it was right on the 
way to work, so one morning when we 
were driving in, 1 asked my chaulleur if 
he'd like 10 stop for an hour and go for 
a balloon ride. He said that sounded like 
a good idea, so we floated around the 
countryside for an hour and I was in 
the office by 8:30, 

PLAYBOY: Why did you do it? 

FORBES: It was en route, it wasn't going to 
interfere with the ^s activities and it 
sounded intriguing. I just wanted the ex- 
perience. I wanted to see if I liked it 
Vaguely, E thought it sounded like sc 
thing I might be interested іп pursuing, 
but only vaguely. 

PLAYBOY: How did you react to your first 
balloon ride? 

FORBES: It was such a novel experience, а 
kind of Peter Pan thing. It's so different 
ight 
r and the clouds— 
nature that come 


nic, because your óth- 
one of the slowest 
ion known to man— 


from flying: it’s not flying. You 


e 


in the wind and the 
all those forces in 


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PLAYBOY 


together and have an impact on you and 
the balloon. You're floating and you're 
never sure where you're going. In a 
plane, you gun the engine and flip your 
flippers and you go up or down and 
right or left, and 105 an immediate re- 
sponsc. In a balloon, your sole source of 
is a blast of heat, and there's a 
1 between the blast and 
when the heat reaches the top of the 
balloon and you float up. If you stop to 
think about it, it's like driving a car that 
doesn’t accelerate until 15 seconds after 
you hit the gas. Try that sometime. Get- 
ting the feeling of the timing in a bal- 
loon is one of the extraordinary 
challenges, and one that captivated mc 
that first day. 

You have absolutely no control over 
your direction. As the wind goes, so go 
you. It's a unique feeling, combined 
with the fact that you're seeing a view of 
the landscape floating slowly beneath you 
that is different from any view you've 
ever seen. The whole thing is such a 
huge turn-on that 1 have not, with rare 
exceptions, found anybody who's done it 
who doesn't love it. You can float just 
above the treetops, everybody waves 
at you and yells up, wanting to know 
where you're going. Well, you don't 
know where you're going, and even that's 
an unusual sensation in itself. 

On a motorcycle, you sense that not 
everybody is happy to see you and your 


mode of transportation going by, but a 
balloon turns everybody on, with no 
exceptions. It's a happy thing. People on 
the ground enjoy seeing this beautiful, 
unusual thing floating by. What is it? 
The fact makes no sense. It isn't 
something to go anyplace in. You get in 
it and go no place in particular. With a 
balloon, getting there isn’t half the fun: 
its all the fun. The trip is the whole 
trip. The vehicle itself is the thing, the 
end in itself, not the means of getting 
somewhere, And all those sensations hap- 
pen to you the first time you're in one. 

PLAYBOY: Less than a усаг and a half 
alter your first balloon ride, you set six 
world records in your cross-country flight. 
Obviously, you plunged into i 
FORBES: Sure. Once I got into it, I wanted 
to do the things that hadn't been done. 
It wasn't just competitive zest. 1 thought 
that if you're going to do it at all, you 
might аз well mobilize your resources 
and have more fun doing what nobody 
else has done. To keep flying day in and 
day out you have to have a lot of ground 
support. You don't know where you're 
going to land. You fly until you're out of. 
fuel, then you 10 have trucks that 
ап get to you. I was dropping tanks to 
reduce weight—they weigh 20 pounds 
even empty—and somebody had to re- 
trieve those with а helicopter. Amazing 
lot of logistics. People can do it on a 
less expensive scale, but it's harder and 


rt 


s longer. And what we were doing 
м taking off fr where we landed. 
That hadn't been done before. You can 
say you're going to go from West to East, 
but you can't say you're going from Mil- 
waukee to St. Louis. You can't pick your 
towns. 

PLAYBOY: How did your family react to 
what you were doing? 

nthusiastically. It was an excit- 
lventure and everybody was in on 
putting the logistics together. Two of my 
boys filmed it. A guy named Tracy 
Barnes had gone cross-country over the 
period of a year, but it really hadn't been 
done as a consecutive trip. It was pio- 
neering, I decided it would be fun to try 
doing it and had the balloon built. The 
thing got a lot of press coverage because 
it excited people 
thing where day by day you could follow 
the progress, or the lack of it, and it did 
a whole lot to make people aware of 
the sport. 

Wherever we were, large crowds would 
come out of the bushes and watch us 
land. or watch us launch. The most 
dramatic moment just happened to be 
when Jack Perkins from NBC News was 
there and they put it on TV. He was 
interviewing me at the midway point in 
some little town in Nebraska. My God, 
the kids came in their school buses, the 
whole town came out to watch us launch. 
We were behind some trees їп а field and 


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PLAYBOY 


heating to take off. I'd forgotten a very 
simple thing: When the wind is rushing 
over a barrier—such as trees: creates a 
false lift, so the balloon would lift before 
its hot enough to go, and you're sup- 
posed to know that. J passed the question 
on the exam, but not in the field. I was 
launching from behind some trees, so we 
had this lift, saying goodbye to everybody 
as we rose up so gracefully; then we got 


up in the cold wind and we weren't hot 
enough and it began coming down. And 
all this was recorded by NBC. We 


smashed into one car, bounced, smashed 
into another car and destroyed five auto- 
mobiles before we finally lifted off. So 
Perkins ended up the commentary by 
saying, “And here are five people who 
are going to have to tell their insurance 
companies their cars were*smashed by a 
hit-and-run balloon." God, it was funny 
ad it happened to be captured on film. 
АШ this sort of stuff brought a lot of 
publicity to ballooning. It created a lot 
of awareness and increased interest in 
the sport and the drama of it. I got the 
Harmon Trophy and all these awards 
that were not in any sense deserved 
on the merits or the significance; it's just 
that balloons are such a turn-on, 

PLAYBOY: Your next big adventure was 
your project to float across the Atlantic. 
You put $1,200,000 into your equipment, 
didn't you? 

FORBES: Yeah. The key to making it across 
the Atlantic, as far as I was concerned, 
was to get above the weather, which was 
what aborted all the earlier attempts. We 
built a cluster of 13 loons, sealed and 
pressurized, and a space capsule not un- 
like what the astronauts had, and we 
were going to climb straight to 40,000 
feet and get into the jet stream, which 
at cert mes of the year is narrow, 
swift and intensely reliable. It blows. And 
it blows where you want it to go. The 
jet stream really moves. I mean, it would 
have been a trip to end all trips. And it 
was all going to be up there in the 
stratosphere. We could have made it 
from California to the East Coast in two 
days and across the Atlantic in another 
two or three days, and ГЇЇ tell you some- 
thing I haven't said before. I didn't even 
tell my copilot, Tom Heinsheimer, be- 
cause I thought he might have different 
thoughts on the subject, but once we got 
over France, if all the systems were func- 
tioning properly, I was ready to just keep 
on going, all the way around the world, 
if possible. What the hell's the point of 
coming down if you don't have to? 1 had 
this great fantasy of the meetings in the 
Kremlin when we got over Russia. There 
would be this ctpitalist-tool balloon flo; 
ing over, and they'd have to decide 
whether or not to shoot us down, Then I 
ended up making the shortest voyage of 
all the attempted ocean crossings: about 
20 feet. I should have known I was in 


102 trouble when I read my horoscope that 


morning. It said, “Find cheaper and fast- 
cr forms of transportati 
PLAYBOY: Obviously, you can laugh about 
it now, but the accident at your launch 
that aborted the flight almost killed you. 
What happened? 

FORBES: It's the old thing about for want 
of a shoe nail. The whole launch scene 
was spectacular. It was the middle of the 
night at El Toro Marine Corps Air Sta- 
tion in California and the 13 balloons 
filled this immense hangar. The hangar 
was ringed with powerful searchlights, 
and the doors slid open and a crew of vol- 
unteers, including two of my sons, began 
rolling out the balloons in clusters of 
three. Each cluster was attached to a 
separate launching platform and had its 
own release mechanism holding the bal- 
loons down and preventing the balloons 
that had already been launched from jerk- 
ing everything else up at once. Seven bal- 
loons were already in the air and the 
ring that held down the third cluster 
couldn't take the pressure and it broke, 
and that cluster suddenly jumped up 
with this incredible premature lift, and 
the jerk ripped our gondola off its 


“Ballooning is such anovel 


experience, a kind of 
Peter Pan thing. It’s so 

different from flying. 
You're right in the wind 


and the air and the clouds.” 


launching platform and started dragging 
it across the tarmac. Another few mo- 
ments and the liquid-oxygen tanks would 
have ruptured and we'd have gone up in 
flames. We'd have made a t but it 
wouldn't have been in a balloon. Thank 
God, our launch director had the prew 
ence of mind to act immediately, and he 
jumped on the side of the gondola and 
pulled the emergency release switch, and 
we rolled a few feet and stopped and the 
balloons shot off into the sky. They came 
down sometime later in the desert. With- 
out the weight of the capsule, when they 


hit 40,000 feet they just Кері on climbing 
until they burst and fell. The whole 


thing was fantastic, and to have the de- 
nouement to be dragged 20 feet across 
some cement was a heartbreaker. Un- 
paralleled. It happened ten minutes be- 
fore launch time. Another ten minutes 
and wi 
the most totally spectacular trips іп his 
tory. 1 really did think we might go 
round the world. That was onc of the 
biggest disappointments of my life. 
PLAYBOY: Will you ever try it again? 


d have been on our way to one of 


FORBES: What's the point now? Its al 
ready been done. The guys from New 
Mexico made the trip and who wants to 
be second? Besides, 1 can't try it again. 1 
had hoped to make a second attempt 
once I was out of owning and running 
my business, but now, my lifeinsurancc 
policies all have a clause in them 
they are inoperable if I die ballo: 
across any large bodies of water, and the 
company carries many millions of dollars 
of insurance on my life so they can pay 
the inheritance taxes on my estate. The 
insurance people decided that the risks 
of ballooning across the Atlantic con- 
tradict the longevity tables they use for 
insuring such high amounts. 

PLAYBOY: "That brings us to the obvious 
question. With your magazine, and all 
your land, and your fishing camp, and 
your Moroccan palace, and your English 
mansion, and your French château, and 
your American estate, and your Fabergé 
collection, t, and your motor- 
cycles, and your balloons, and your stock 
portfolio, and your money, and every- 
thing else, what docs it all add up to? 
How much are you worth? 

FORBES: Plenty! And happily, more so 
almost every day. I assume, of course, 
that you're asking about money, not in- 
uinsic value as a person. 

PLAYBOY: Yes. 

FORBES: Good. Because that's а whole 
different thing and 1 suspect that the 
definitive reaction to the latter is: 
little. [Laughs] But I really don't 
be on the record saying that I'm worth 
some far-out amount because I assure you 
that the people who collect death taxes 
will read this article and stick it into 
thi dossiers. So if I claim that I'm 
worth some-odd hundreds of ions of 
dollars, then they'll come around later 
and want t0 know why my estate lawyers 
claim that I died practically penniless. 
[Laughs] It would leave me with what 
you might call a credibility gap. Up until 
the day Howard Hughes died, he was 
worth billions of dollars, and then схе 
body was astonished when Merrill Lynch 
and the executors came in and said his 
estate was worth less than $200,000,000, 
You could say the executors and the es- 
tatetax people were approaching their 
estimates from two different points of 
icw. 

PLAYBOY: Let's try that question another 
way. If there were no such thing as estate 
taxes, how much would you be worth? 
FORBES: I can honestly say 1 don't know. 
How do you place a value on Forbes 
mugazine? There are so many different 
Ways you could measure just that one 
aset. Ten times earnings? One or two 
imes gross sales? At best, those are crude 
yardsticks. As for my land: We sold 30 
percent of the land we own in Colorado 
and that's $50,000,000 worth as it turned 
out. But from that you can't say that the 


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PLAYBOY 


104 


FFEE, 
TEA 


OR 
VIVARIN? 


There are times when 
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and having a cup of hot coffee 
or tea. Particularly first thing 
inthe morning. It tastes good 
and gives you a lift. 

But if, as the day wears on, 
you sometimes find yourself 
having a cup of coffee or tea 
just for the lift, you should 
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Vivarinisagentlepick-me-up. 
The active ingredient that. 
makes Vivarin so effective is 
the caffeine of two cups of 
coffee squeezed into one easy 
to take tablet. And a Vivarin 
tablet is more economical than 
two cups of coffee, and requires 
no preparation. 

So when you want a lift, 
take Vivarin. It's convenient, 
inexpensive, easy to take, and 
it really works. 


rest of it, therefore, must be worth a 
quarter of a billion, or that all the other 
land 1 own must be worth that much an 
acre. There's no way to place a value on 
all these things. All I can say is: Thank 
the Lord, I'm solvent! 
PLAYBOY: You sure are. But it sounds as 
if you could reasonably say that the rest 
of the land in Colorado must be worth 
about a quarter of a billion. 
FORBES: But so often it depends on what 
you do with what you have as to w 
you're worth. At least as far as money is 
concerned. When we bought that land in 
Colorado, I planned to turn it into a 
me preserve that would have been the 
greatest game preserve in the U.S. So its 
value in money terms would have been 
negligible. The university people, the 
game-commission people in Colorado 
were very enthusiastic. 1 ordered а mil- 
lion dollars’ worth of fencing, but then 
the state attorney general ruled that the 
game on the land belonged to everybody, 
and that the only way we could do it 
would be to drive all the game off the 
property first, then stock it with our own. 
After a long and terribly disappointing 
struggle, we finally gave up and went 
imo the real-estate busin selling the 
land in sub ions. So it was a result of 
not being able to do what I set out to 
do, and being forced to do something 
else, that the land. became worth many 
millions of dollars in sales. 
PLAYBOY: The attomey general forced 
you into all that profit, eh? 
FORBES: [Laughs] I really should have cut 
him in for a commission, I guess. 
should bcatify him. At the time, I j 
wanted to beat him, But you see the com- 
plications in trying to evaluate my worth, 
and besides, its hardly the most impor- 
tant measurement. It happens to be one 
that Americans are fascinated by: How 
much money docs this guy have? We're a 
moncy oriented nation. The idea used to 
be that if you've got bread, you must be 
good. But I think we've gotten over that 
silly notion. We know that a lot of bums 
ad, and there are many nefarious 
ol getting it. Moncy doesn't make 
the man. 
PLAYBOY: It helps. 
FORBES: No ques 
pendence. 
PLAYBOY: You remember what Fitzgerald 
said to Hemingway: “The rich are dif- 
ferent than Do you agree? 
FORBES: Of course. ““Гһеу have more mon: 
ey," Hemingway replied. But the thing 
is that money doesn’t make you different. 
It makes your circumstances different. 
Money enables you cither to do morc 
with your life or to insulate yourself 
more from life. Look at Howard Hughes, 
again. He had more money than damn 
near anybody and what'd he do? Locked 
mself up in hotel rooms and shot dope. 
His money didn't make him different by 


1. Money is inde- 


protecting him from addiction to drugs; 
it just allowed him to get away with it 
d keep people from finding out. He's 
the classic example of what I believe: 
that it’s not the money that’s important 
in a person's life. It's immense facili- 
tator if you allow to be, but it still 
comes down to your capacity to enjoy 
to eat, to love, to read, to see, to feel. All 
those things are no greater for a rich man 
than for a poor man. 

PLAYBOY: Easy for a rich man to say. 
FORBES: Well, the variet 
The opulence п 

у cyes can't enjoy the view 


the eyes of the guy Жр. just bought five 
s of it. He's got exactly the same view 
d he's standing on his own turf. Its 
like the old saying: How much do you 
want to own? 1 don't want to own апу 
thing and next to me. The 


is Teddy Kennedy's guilt about his in- 
herited wealth. Did you ever go through 
that guilt? 
FORBES: No, no, no! І can never remem- 
ber fecling guilty. can remember feel- 
а ively 
lived comfortably but 
ich life. We lived near 


wealthy man. We 
not a Rockefell 
Bernarr Macfadden and I can remember 


complaining to my father that they had a 
swimming pool and we didn't. Pools 
were very rare in the Thirties. I said 
"They must be rich, they've got a pool. 
My father said: "If they've spent the 
money, they don't have it. It doesn't 
prove they're rich; it proves they're 
spendthrifts’ 

Inherited moncy is harder to make 
something of. Lots tougher. You have to 
overcome its disadvantages. But I didn't 
inherit that much money myself. I in- 
herited a piece of a well-founded busi 
ness. It was only a fraction of the size it 
is today, but I did inherit the opportu- 
nity. And why should I feel guilty about 
that? Look at how much of my life Гуе 
put into getting the business thriving 
and running right. I could have made a 
success of myself without my father's 
start; it just would have taken more time. 
1 wouldn't have had as much time to do 
the other things I wanted to do. But one 
thing about the cay 
ey is what you're after, 
thing you're after, you can get it. It's 
difficult. But you can't get it and still 
have time to do all the other things you 
may want todo. 

PLAYBOY: What about the Rockefellers? 
Would you say they've used their money 
well? 

FORBES: The ones I jw reasonably 
well—Laurance, Nelson and D 
cach very admirable, industriou 
working guys who hav. 
of public service. They 


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money with malice. They haven't pulled 
a Stewart Mott, the C.M. inheritor who 
he to espouse—and buy— 
every left-wing cause that comes along. 
The Rockefellers have supported very lib- 
eral causes; they have a deep social, public 
without thinking the system is 
lousy or needs destruction or total stifling 
or redirecting. They have supported the 
system and worked within it, but they 
have used what was once incomprehensi- 
ble wealth—it's less so now because as 
ys these things get split up. But they 
pioncered and supported early 

population | control; 


ecology; 


SES: 


proble 


so many arcas t 
ful and so worth while. These guys, in my 
judgment and my experience with them, 
є more laudable than generally they're 
given credit for. David, for instance, is a 
guy spending а lot of time with heads of 
curs on behalf of the 
le aspects of our national 
He doesn't always come away with 
a deposit for his bank, but the point is 
that his contribution is very real and it's 
so casy to sneer at it and not give these 
an extraordinary public 
life. Laurence was probably one of the 
carlicst environmentalists and ecologists, 
they even used those words and 
mes. And very productively ac- 
ve. In short, I think these guys are a 
very good lot. 

PLAYBOY: You got ofl a snide remark 
about Stewart Mott, who espouses leftist 
causes. What makes people like him so 
contemptible to someone like you? 
FORBES: Their motivations are so patent. 
They're guilty about their money and 
they think that instead of giving it aw 
they'll use it to change the system that 
gave them an inordinate amount of mon 
су. I just simply think that those guys 
ought to be preachers and back left-wing 
causes. 1 don't think they do a lot of 
harm, because usually, a lot of wl they 
put their money up for doesn't reach 
anybody except those who are already 
converted. How do you explain those 
lists in Germany? The Weather- 
men here? You always have groups of 
radicals and it has nothing to do with 
economic strata; they act from conviction. 
PLAYBOY: So what's wrong with convic- 
tions? 

FORBES: In these cases, their motives usu- 
ally fanaties out of them. But 
у atics, and whether 
you call them left or right, I see little 
some 
of the very rich spend their money fan- 
mes that would destroy what 
gave them the money, that’s OK. They're 
ойе by people who came up from no- 
where economically and had a ball and 
made it big. I think their contribution 
ends up being greater. And usually, those 
fellows don't shed their awareness. In 
the old days of the robber barons, you 


bro; 


105 found them endowing Carnegie libraries, 


the first extensive public libraries in 
this country, They recognized the needs 
and necessities and they responded. If 
it hadn't been for wealthy men who ex- 
pressed their gratitude—endowed schol- 
arts—hell, you wouldn't have 
itii D wd 


rts universities in this 
country that are not totally dependent 
on the state for handouts. That came 
from people with money with their own 
views and conscience. 

PLAYBOY: Kurt Vonnegut once said that 
the trouble with getting rich was that 
suddenly he had all this money he had 
to babysit. You're baby-sitting a hell of 
a lot more money than he—or almost 
anybody else—is. What's it 
FORBES: That's a great phrase, baby- 
sitting the money. There are people who 
ke lucrative carcers out of baby-sitting 
money. That's what Morgan Guaranty 
Trust is doing. That's what estate li 
yers are doing. They're babysitting 
money for people who had it and had 
to leave it behind. But personally, I 
prefer to do as little baby-sitting as 
possible. My interest is in nol managing 
my money. My interest is in having 


are liberal 


“My interest is in not 
managing my money. My 
sin having 
enough of it to go 


interest 1 


on doing the things 
I want to do.” 


cnough of it to go on doing the thi 
I want to do. My son Malcolm, Jr., is a 
brilliant money man and he looks after 
much of the gement, and I have an 
ecutive vice-president who, I always 
. is in charge of keeping us solvent. 
ause ГИ take care of the reaping 
and the spending. Somebody else better 
make sure we don't get too far ahead 
in either direction 
PLAYBOY: Are you more, shall we say, 
bout keeping your financi 
empire solvent than your love of motor- 
cycles and. ballooning might seem to in- 
dicate? Do you drive Forbes at 110? Fly 
it off into the sky? 

FORBES: Enjoying lile is the only solvency, 
nd in business as in life, the biggest 
risk is too much caution. That's always 
the danger in business: when you stop 
charging. When you stop moving. 

As soon as a business decides, this is 
how we used to do it and it worked so 
well keep on without changing, that's 
when it loses its momentum. Safety 
doesn't lie in that. Just ask the Pen 


vania Railroad and the people who 
owned the Erie Canal bonds. Sure, 1 
consider staying solvent important, but 
I believe it comes from keeping money 


moving. You know, planting mor 
doesn’t do you any good. It doesn't grow. 
So stashing it g it is 


not safet 
is safety. 
PLAYBO! 
people with the greatest vested 
in the safety of the capi 
do you ever worry about 
FORBES: Come the revolution 
PLAYBOY: No, not the revolution but, 
rather, a serious collapse of the eco- 
nomic system, а sort of crash of 779, of 
the type Paul Erdman wrote about in 
his best-selling novel. 

FORBES: There was a crash of 29. 

PLAYBOY: So you've already lived through 
onc. Do you ever worry about that kind 
of thing happening again? 

FORBES: Of course, it's a concern. But I 
don't see it happening. If you keep а 
historical perspective, we've had fiscal 
ics, crash quick rich and quick 
poor im our history. We've һай boom 
and bust periodically. The Depressio 
following the stock-market panic of 
1929 was one of the greatest economii 
wrenches in modern history. Change and 
turbulence is not confined to warfare 
and borders, and. turbulence is just an- 
other word for the sharp ups and downs. 
So it’s silly to assume that we've discov- 
ered perpetual prosperity. We've had 
setbacks of a year or more and we prol 
ably will a but overall, the health 


As one of the small number of 


terest 
system, 


of the system has been burgeoning. 115 
better now in this country than it ever 
has be 


‘The biggest threat of this year may 
turn out to be that things don't slow 
down enough for inflation to be bridled. 
The consumer is stil] racing to run up 
his credit-card charges—so there's more 
danger of short-term, unbridled growth 
than there is of a serious recession. 
PLAYBOY: But what about the potential 
weak link: energy? The Depression of 
1929 was about the management and dis- 
tribution of resources. lt was systemic, 
thus subject to correction. What happe 
in ten. ycars when we start running out 
of the resources themselves, such as 
petroleum? 

FORBES: Energy is finite, that's for sure. 
And it’s going to be one of our most 
presing problems in the next decade. 
But every decade has had tough prob- 
lems, and some that started off abysmal- 
ly turned out to be all right. We've been 
through decades of hard times before, 
and you're right. in duc couse, we'll 
un out of oil. Maybe not for 50 ycars, 
nd by then we'll have harnessed other 
forms of energy. The world literally is 
ergy- 

PLAYBOY: But that's not much of an an- 
swer. Are you satisfied with how the 


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PLAYBOY 


108 FORBES: Т! 


governmental and corporate leadership. 
in this country has responded to the 
energy situation 
FORBES: Oh, they've been clumsy and 
ері. bur business has discovered that 
when energy is expensive, they can save 
a lot of money by using it more e- 
nly. And what motivated them? Try- 
to make a buck, and tha 
n is going to lead us 
citing solutions to our energy 
problems. The oil companies are already 
putting a lot of money into developing 
solar energy. If you can find the break- 
agh i r energy. it would be like 
nting the electric light bulb. 
PLAYBOY: All right, so where does that 


same 
to new 


leave us? Ralph Nader once id that 
the reason we don’t already have a sig- 
system ds simple: 


Exxon doesn't own the sun. 
FORBES: To digress for а moment on the 
subject of Ralph N I think he’ 
suffering from overkill on his own part. 
He's diluted his influence because he's 
tackled too much and shot from the hip. 
He has overstated his case on safety and 
ecology to the point where some of the 
things he's pushed for would substan- 
ally inflate costs without a comme: 
surate increase in lives saved or incidence 
of disease lowered. In short, he helped— 
1 
а new and terribly import: 
"s lost some of his helt because 
ion as to who the as аге 
tion of the cost of total 


nt area—but 


by now, hi 
of exaggera 
d underestii 


pu 
PLAYBOY: Getting back to Nader's ac- 
cusation on oil companies and solar 


ener 
FORBES: All people are human, including 
the heads of companies, so there's al- 
wavs an clement of truth. in any accu- 


PLAYBOY: But only an element? 

FORBES: An clement. 115 well and good 
they don't own the sun. Funny 
ys, they don't own most 
resources that used to give 
them their clout, cithi 
PLAYBOY: But they control the produc- 
tion and distribution enough to make it 
amount to pretty much tlie same thing. 
FORBES: Sure. But they'll come along be- 
cause they know thing fo 
Their profit isn’t going to go up if they 
don't find some way to provide the 
energy to keep the system mo They 
won't make much bread if we're all 
living in huts again. And we shouldn't 
knock the potential ol atomic energy. 
It's so cheap and so a ble. The re- 
sistance is largely psychological —it's the 
atomic bomb, it’s atomic explosions 
PLAYBOY: It's more than that. It presents 
the problem of storing the wastes safely 
for about 20,000 years. 

helluva problem, I agree. 


0 sity 


one 


sure: 


Maybe we should put it in the fault out 
in California 

PLAYBOY: That 
Bamy Goldw 


sounds like what got 
ter into trouble 1964, 
when he suggested we saw oll New York 
and float it out to sea. 

FORBES: [Laughing] It was just a joke. 
Honest. But as to the dangers of atomic 
waste, the thi . they haven't solved 
the problem of storage, though it is 
solvable. In our tifetime—what I 
the short view, the older 1 get—I don't 
think that our problems are any greater, 
and are probably few a in the pre- 
ceding centuries. We have tremendous, 
exciting. wild things going on today. 


as it is of proble 
Pollyanna view. Based on our accumu- 
lating knowledge and the rapidity of 
I personally feel that our shor 
tion is more hopeful than that of any 
generation ever before. And as somebody 
said, if you take the long vi б a hun 
dred million years, nobody's going to be 
here anyhow. 

PLAYBOY: Since you've gor a li 
lose than most people, it's rea 


more to 


“Га say capitalism’. 
worst excess is in the 
large number of crooks 
and linhornswho get too 
much of the action.” 


ooo 


hear t you're comfortable with our 
economic hopes. 

FORBES: Not comfortable. just optimistic. 
PLAYBOY: You always describe capitalism. 
in very upbeat terms: in fact, you're al- 
most a cheerleader, But what would vou 
say is capitalism's worst excess right now 
That's a good. question. [Pause] 
so many. 1 would say its worst 
ight now [long pause] oh, God 
[pause]. 1 guess it's the large number of 
business people who are still uying to 
rip off the consumer, the employee or 
the stockholder. There still a lot of 
guys out to grab the quick buck, and 
some of them get to pretty high positions, 
at least for a while. So I'd say capi 
wose excess is the 1; mber of 
crooks and tinhorns who get too much 
of the action. Incidentally. that's what 
brings on Federal overregulation and 
thus inflation: the sins of some com- 
mined under the manile of free enter- 
prise. 

PLAYBOY: Now that you've got your em- 
pire running smoothly and you've got 
Malcolm, Jr., groomed to take over 
FORBES: | have no plans lor early r 
tirement 


excess 


PLAYBOY: That's where we were goi 
FORBES: My son says he’s eager to give me 
gold watch on retirement day, but he'll 
have a long w 
PLAYBOY: But what keeps vou from walk- 
i Пот a job well done and 

ne free for the 


having more of your ti 
bikes and the balloons and maybe other 


new adventures, rather il working as 
hard as you do for Forbes, Ine? 
FORBES: Because I'm doing what I want 


to be doing. I couldn't g 
out of the lled pl 
than I do trom running this busi 
I love writing my editorials. I love re 
viewing books. I love getting out around 
the country with my procapitalist film 
d enthusing people about a different 
understanding of our history. That's ex- 
Citing lo me. There are times at the end 
of the day when I'm a little limp, but 
hell, 1 do get to motorcycle a lot. I've 
got probably five major trips. planned 
for this year, I had four great ones last 
year. І Can balloon on most weekends. 
When you have to squeeze them into a 
tight schedule, vou do them with a grear- 
er enjoyment and a fuller intensity than 
it 


more pleasure 
asurable t 


so-€ 


ng to fill up a bunch 


( were just try 


of your spare tim 
In other words, everybody needs a 
nge of pace. But that’s not the same 


g as quitting, The hardest work in 
the world, in my own observation, is no 
work. I think the toughest thing to deal 
with, and what Kills more people than 
anything else in the corporate world, is 
retirement. If. you can’t handle the hy 
pertension, OK, get out of the kitchen. 


trip that up?—then you get you 
doing what you get your kicks doing. 
and ] get my kicks running this business 
and seeing it grow and [ann ul 

flame and doing all those other things, 
too. Retirement, for me, would repress 
а challenge, all right, and one Ud dread 
lacini 
PLAYBOY: The press has called you “The 
Happiest Millionaire." Are y 
FORBES: My kids are grown up now and 
they live nearby, two of them are in the 
business, the grandchildren arc 
and I've taken care of a smooth succes 


round 


sion—which can be a big proble 
family business. So I guess you could say 
that I'm having a pretty . . . good... 


Nobody can have it all, but I've 
certainly had my fair share, and m 
attitude is simple: While you're айу 
live! Because who's sure of the next tri 


time, 


Im not. As I say, I'm an optimist, be 
cause I'm not sure there is a life after 
death, and if there is, I'm not sure wha 


my reward will be. But I can tell you 
that ГА like to be buried with a lor 
extension cord to my air conditioner 


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Белле ш e eer eS LEE] 


109 


Presidents come and go, but the Su- 
preme Court, through ils decisions, goes 
on forever. 


IDENT. RICHARD М. NIXON, 
October 21, 1971, on announc- 
ing his last two appointments 
to the Supreme Court. 


WHEN RICHARD NIXON walked out of the White 
House on August 9, 1974, crossed the south 
lawn and climbed into the helicopter that was 

iting to fly him on the first leg of his jour- 
ney into exile, he turned on the last step and 
gave his familiar double-V victory sign. That 
gesture of arrogance was a luxury he deserved, 
for he had won. Forced out of ollice one jump 
1 of the sheriff, leaving in abject disgrace, 
he had nevertheless succeeded where he most 
wanted to. He had cloned the Supreme Court 
in his image. 

His four appointees—Chief Justice War- 
ren Earl Burger, Associate Justices Harry A. 
Blackmun, Lewis F. Powell, Jr 
H. Rehnquist Almost two thirds 
of their rulings during the past five terms of 
the Court favored the prosecution, slightly 
more than one third favored the accused. Dur- 
ing the Earl Warren era, defense attorneys 
with civilliberties fought to get a hear- 
ing before the Supreme Court. Today, they 
fight to keep away from it. 

The Nixonburger four need recruit only 
one vote from among the three other cons 
е members of the Court to get a majority, 
nd that has been accomplished with such 
larity that the Court has destroyed most 
laws of privacy, turned the pornography 1 
sle back to local political hacks. criti 
reduced freedom of the press and given go 
ernment at every level virtual carte. blanche 
10 wire ‚ bully and defame anyone 
wants to. 

In short, Nixon, through his Supreme 
"s decisions, is going to seem to 


€ hard: 


Here's how some ol the police-state verdicts 
of this Supreme Court could affect you: 

+ Let's suppose you have a hatful of mari- 
juana in the doset when the police come 
knocking on your door. They want to search 
your apartment. You refuse and tell them they 
aren't about to get in without a search war- 

ant. While they're gone, you intend to get 
rid of the stuff. They start to leave, but your 
roommate—who is angry because you won't 


let him borrow the car—tells the cops that it's 
OK with him if they search the place. They 
do. find the marijuana and you are tried and 
convicted. Was it constitutional for the cops 
to rummage for the evidence without a wa 
ant and without your ? Yes, say: 
Court; the consent of one occupant is enough. 

+ One day, the cops, without a Mt, 
break down your door. They think you're run- 
ning a bookie joint. They can't find any 
gambling records, but in going through your 
desk, they do find a letter you've written to 
your brother telling him that you underpaid 
your income taxes by $5000. The cops turn 
the letter over to the IRS, which files a civil 
suit and uses the letter as evidence in court to 
collect the back єз. Clearly, the cops vio- 
lated the Fourth Amendment, which proteas 
us from “un sonable searches and seizures,” 
so was it constitutional to use the letter as 
evidence? Yes, says this Supreme Court; the 
Federal Government m civil procee 
ing use evidence that was unlawfully seized 
by the state and that could not be used in a 
criminal proceeding. 

+ Rushing to make an appointment, you jay- 

lk. A cop arrests you for that. But he 
let you go on your way. Instead, with- 
nt, he empties all. vour 
nd finds three shreds of marijuana. 
rted out as a simple tralhic ойе 
winds up with you in court on a drug ci 
and you are convicted. Did the cop violate 
your constitutional protection against unre: 
sonable searches? Мо, indeed. says the Burger 
Court: as long as the arrest was lawful, the 
sei 

* You go into the hospital to your ap- 
pendix removed. A local judge who considers 
you immoral because you've deflowered the 
daughters of several prominent is issues 
а court order to have you castrated. You don't. 
know about the court order and the castration 
accomplished during the appendectomy. 
but the case is thrown out. 
Farfetched? Maybe, but this Supreme Court 
has ruled that all judges are immune from 
lawsuits aimed at their judgments, no matter 
how grotesque those judgments may be. 

The Burger Court has ruled 0 IRS 
agents may randomly rummage through a 
bank's files with only a John Doe sum- 

i me—to see if they can 
stumble upon a depositor whose H 
count looks suspicious. The Court’ 


rch could be considered so, too. 


You sue the judg 


у 


opinion By Robert Sherrill 


Injustices 
of the 
Burger 
Court 


the supreme court of the land is there to take care of us. and, god help us, it’s doing just that. m 


ILLUSTRATION BY HERB DAVIDSON 


PLAYBOY 


12 


izens can have "no 
legitimate ‘expectation of p sur- 
rounding their accounts, their 
checking accounts or their loans. As far 
as this Court is concerned, it's open sea- 
son on every citizen's most intimate 
ancial dealings. 

This Court. believes that government 
agents have the right to rake up and store 


viewpoint is that ci 


information, rumors, gossip. 
nd falsehoods they can get on you—and 
n use this to h justi- 


For example, the police in 
Kentucky city distributed a flier contain- 
ig the photographs and names of several 
people who had been arrested. for shop- 
g and who were characterized 
“active shoplifters.” One person pictured 
was a newspaper photographer against 
whom the shoplifting charge was subse- 
quently dropped. The photographer sued, 
ning the cterization 
would hurt his future employment oppor- 
tunities (in fact, his employers did start 
giving him worse assignments and he 
quit). But the me Court ruled il 
the policemen had done nothing wor 
being sued Гог, that nobody has a сопы 
ight to the protection of 1 


s 


reputation. and nobody has ight 
to privacy except in matters “rela ting 
age. procreation, contraception, 


ionships, and child rearing 
and educatioi 


. 

Nixon's choice of Warren Burger for 
Chief Justice made his plan for the Court 
perfectly clear from the outset. / 
Nixon wanted to appoint 
Brownell, a W: wyer, who, 
Attorney General back in the Fifties, h 
hounded leftwingers out of the S 
Department and in other w 
mented the McCarthy 
of that dark era. But too many people 
still hated. Brownell, 
ment would 1 


in the Senate соп rings, so 
Nixon chose Burger instead. Burger had 
served as Brownell's ass nthe Ju 


t and had shown such zeal 


rime: 


tice Dey 


the pursuit of wrongdoers that he won 
the admiration of J. Edgar Hoover, who 
nicknamed him “The Admiral.” Burger, 


Brownell and Hoc 


er all agreed on one 
There was too much permissive- 
America, They believed. that 
Americans needed а strong hand to keep 
the in line. 

till pursuing this philosophy, Bur- 
—in 1967 at Ripon College—made 


Speech that was to hoist him into the 
on the Supreme Court. It 


center chi 
a simple speech. Burger implied that 
Americans have тоо much freedom for 
their own good, and therefore their free- 
dom should be curbed. ("It ds a truism of 
political philosophy rooted in history, 
з ИШ шера унай Ол} 
“that nations and societies often perish 


from an excess of their own basic prin 
ciple.") Very few people paid the slight- 
est attention to his speech. but it was 
excerpted and rep 8. News & 
World Report. there and 
liked it very much, for he, too, thought 
Americans had more freedom than was 
good for them. Nixon used pieces of the 
Burger article frequently in his. own 
speeches during the 1968 President 
campaign 


the Government 
should be allowed to violate the Fourth 
and Fifth Amendments to the Constitu 
tion would probably have been enough 
to get him the job, but he had one other 
attribute that appealed to 
Nixon: Burger hates the press. To him, 
the First Amendment is wallpaper, and 
reporters and editors аге mere paper 


This is a personal thing with Burger: 
it is certainly no secret that һе despises 
most reporters who cover the Court— 
"young pip-squea he calls the 
though most are approaching or past 40. 
t least half a dozen of these т 
Court reporters have law degrees, which 
probably accounts for the kind of intense 
coverage that Burger has denounced 
too critical, He has told friends he yearns 
for a return to the 1930-1950 era, when 
Supreme Court reporters took their hand- 
outs and vanished. Because Lyle Di 
ston of The Washington Star, one of the 
best of the Court reporters, occasionally 
implies that the Supreme Court takes 
short cuts and is intellectually lazy, 
Burger has bad-mouthed Denniston at 
cocktail parties and. has called edito 
the Star in am effort to get. Denniston 
into trouble, The Chief Justice was also 
enraged when NBC reporter Carl Stern 
revealed that Bu у have conferred 
with Nixon about the Watergate litiga- 
tion that then seemed headed for the 
Supreme Court, which, if true, would 
have been an unforgivable breach of 
judicial ethics. A few reporters 
vinced that their seas in the С 
box have been moved to the back row in 
shment for critical stories they have 
pout Burger. 

The Chief Justice 
that for a long time 
the Coun a у he got into a 
shouting match with a CBS-TV crew that 
he did not want covering his American 
Bar Association speech. He fired off a 
letter to Frank Stanton, CBS president: 
“Who do they think they are?” Burger 
demanded. “They have no option ou my 
face or v conduct was di 
spectlul and outrageous.” He warned that 


sof 


been acing like 
He hadn't been on 


АВА. me 
didn't w 
context by film editors. 


ис for thc 


Not docs В 
press to get close to him, he also hates to 
see it get close enough to interview other 
notables. Ata White House bash dw 
Nixon's term, he first tried to run inter. 
ference for Leonid Brezhnev and later 
for John Connally when he thought they 
needed "protectio women report- 
ers who clustered around them. Burger 
caromed into the crowd of reporters, de 
daring his intention to “rescue” the 
Soviet leader. Brezhnev looked at him like 
he was out of his mind, turned his back on 
Burger and went right on talking to the 
reporters. Connally was more diplomatic 
about it, but the results were the same 

Th most injudicious display of Bur- 
ger's antipress temper is told by writer 
Steven Brill. At the American Bar Asso- 
ciation convention last year, Brill was 
sanding with CBS law reporter Fred 
Graham when Burger came up. beaming 
ad praising a newspaper 
st who had written that. journal- 
ad no Fist Amendment right to 
hold subpoenaed papers Не was 
talking about the case of New York 
Times reporter Myron Farber, who spent 
days in jail for refusing to turn his 
notes over to а New Jersey court in 
murder trial, Obviously pleased with the 
episode, Burger sa ou know, they 
took Farber off to jail a lirde while ago.” 
Then he turned to Brill and asked. 
nk you hav 
leges like this guy Farber does: 

If freedom of the press gets short shrift 
from Burger, so does freedom of speech 
Three years ago, the Distriet of Columbia 
city council declared a Judge Harry T- 
Alexander Day. Alexander is a superior- 
court judge in the District. He is 


and chuckling 
column 
ists h 


“Well, do you th 


pr 


Alexander was driven to 
to make speeches—the Capitol, the I 
coln Memorial, the White House and 
the Supreme Court Building. He and 
van had no trouble until they 
the Supreme Court. Building. 
where Alexander climbed. the steps and 
made a speech in which he criticized 
the “system of dual justice” [or 
When Burger found out what had hap- 
pened. he phoned the chiel judge of the 
superior court and said if Alexander ever 
tried to give another speech on the 
Courts property, he. Burger, would have 
Alexander arrested and thrown into 
. 
Those who know H 


ırger best seem to 


: he has а split personality: hall 
pomposity, half insecurity—not an un. 
usual combination in Washington. He 
washes his hair beer and uses pomade 
to keep it brilliantly white. F na- 


1 television appe is said to 
ve had his eyeglasses dispatched to the 

e New York expert who gets the glare 
out ol Walter Cronkite’s specs. He coi 
siders himself a con 


loisseur—a 


“1 think it’s just their way of saying hello.” 


113 


Chevalier du Tastevin, по les—of wines, 
especially red Burg ported: 
ly has hundreds of bottles of the stuff 


а pearl-gray, nor a dark, vest with 
his morning suit, Burger, it has been re- 
ported, “dismayed” at this breach 
of haberdashery etiquette. 

Indeed, the Chief Justice seems to have 
a resplendent vision of himself. Of living 


was 


PLAYBOY 


judges, only Burger is pictured on а 
meda is offered for sale in the 


Supreme Court Building (price: cight 
s). He sees himself as the sole 
imate spokesman for the Court on 
the world’s stage, and one can under- 
stand 0 ty. for he is a firstrate 
tor of the old girthand-profile school 
He looks upon his colleagues 
as vastly inferior in this regard, He told 
s& World Report, 
Quand-A, interview 
ach year (subject to his editing). that “ 

would never sit on the bench if there 
were а television camera in the room, 


mercial TV a “sleazy operation” and 
another reason bi that some of his col- 
leagues would In fact, he 


complained, some m it up 
right now if the courtroom has a big 
enough audience. (In the same olf-the- 


cull interview, he also allegedly told the 
U. S. News stall that when his colleagues 
rom the Court came to visit, he gave 


them cheap jug wine, not his good 


stulf, because they have vulgar taste buds.) 
Windy, shallow, corny, unimagina- 
tive—Burger makes a lousy leader on the 


bench, but those qualities would have 
made him a natural politician. Indeed. 
he got his leg-up in life as а political 
functionary and his political instincts 
are still so strong that he is insensitive to 
the proper decorum for a judge. He was 
well-known in Republican circles as а 


manipulator before he gained any fame 
all as a jurist; he served as camp 
manager for Harold Stassen in | 


when Stassen won the governorship of 
Minnesota, and in 1952, he served as one 
of the key negotiators in seating the pro- 
Eisenhower Texas delegation to the Re- 
m National Convention. It was 
nly for that work that Eisenhower 
appointed him assistant to Attorney Gen- 
eral Brownell and then named him to 
the United States Court of Appeals in 
the District of Columbia. There, and now 
on the Supreme Court, he has never—to 


public: 


the embarrassment of more sensitive 
members of the bar—stopped being a 
political hack, continuously lobbying 


Congress for more d less work for 
Federal judges. A Burger aide lobbied 
protection bill on the 
ground that it would overload the courts. 
Members of Congress who go against 
114 Burger's wishes need not be surprised to 


geta phone c 
the other end howling 
happened to Senator Dennis DeConcini, 
who says that Burgers telephone tech- 
nique for pushing legislation was to be 
“very, very ad rude . . . yelled at 
me that Î was i sponsible . . . just 
screamed at ше... not only lobbied, 
but pressured and attempted to be in- 
dating. 

It may have been during Nixon's W 
tergate crisis, however, that Burger per- 
formed bis greatest service to bis party 
and to his mentor. The full extent of 
gers role as clandestine advisor to 
will not be known until the White 
tapes of those years are released 
for public study. The Burger Court has 
done its part to delay the release. Early 
in 1978, it ruled that the public might be 
barred. access to the White House 
used in the various Watergate 
access was being sought “for improper 
such as promoting public 
I or gratifying private spite. If the 
tapes show that Burger and Nixon con- 


ferred about the latter's upcoming trou 
bles in court—as some contend the tapes 


do, in fact, show—that would pro 
great deal of public scandal of th 
sort that the Burger Court would under- 
standably prefer to avoid 

Tapes already released to the public 
disclose that Burger probably did give 
е on at least one occa 
tions of the April 1 
tapes, Attorney General Richard Klein- 
dienst sting that “incide 


friends,” tells Nixon that Burger thou 
he should appoint a special prosecutor to 
handle the 


office, and though it gave him many 1 
moments, also stalemated all efforts to 
indict Nixon either before or after his 
the White House and spared him 
scomfort of spending even one day 
court. Considering the possible alt 
ives, Burger's advice turned out to be 
a lifesaver for Nix 

On the Court, Burger on occasion has 
been blatantly political in his dealings 
with the other Justices. He reportedly 
tries to pull the smoke-filled-room horse- 


trader stuff—"Fll give you a vote on 
abortion if you'll give me a vote on 
obscenity.” He has had a notable lack of 


success. His leadership is so weak that the 

Court has no focus. Of his brothers on the 

bench, Burger has only one true petrified 

soul mate: Justice William H. Rehnquist. 
. 

Rehnquist is one of those cheerful, 
dlemically bright nuisances with which 
ht wing abounds, He practiced law 
a Phoenix before going to Washington 
Kleindienst's protégé, late 
General John Mitchell's right- 
most right hand. When District of Co- 


lumbia 
people during the May Day 1971 demon- 
stations and crammed them into coi 
pounds, holding them there for hours 
or charges 
to supply them 
with enough water or toilets or food, 
Rehnquist was the spokesman for the 
Justice Department in defense of that ac 
tion. Sometimes, he said, it just isn't pos 
sible to supply constitutional comforts. 
Once on the Court, Rel i hieved 
i ety amon, yers by his 
flippant treatment of judicial ethics. Fed 
law requires judges to step aside 
when their tiality might reason 
ably be questioned” because of a “per 
sonal bias or prejudice,” or when they 
have a financial interest іп the outcome 
of a judicial controversy, or when they 
have had a past legal connection with the 
case. Rehnquist sometimes ignores that law. 
In three cases that he had been involved in 
while he was employed by the Justice De- 
riment, he iding vote aya Jus 
tice of the Supreme Court—and that vote 
was always in lavor of the Government. 
members of the press have 
ilie. Rehnquist's image, but, 
ict he was before arriving on the 
art, and he s. a nonentity. At 
the time N med Rehnquist to 
the Court, the President knew nothing 
about him and appointed him solely on 
the advice of Burger and Mitchell. Just 
three months before. the appoin 
the White House tapes show Nixon still 
refe the 
most disparaging 


and refusing 


that 


пет. 
I around there. 
іс] and that group. 


NIXON: You теше 
group of clowns we lı 
Renchburg 


What's his name? 
JONN  EHRLIC Renchquist 

[sic] 

коз: Yeah, Rehnquist. 

Renchburg. or what's-his-name, could 
still be considered. tha d of сом 
glimmering on the far right like a piece 
of wer spunk, except that in his present 


g scary, 
he is the perfect companion for Burger 
on all of the really nasty votes. Two 
nasty votes do not a majority make, of 
course, but theirs is the driving kn 
when civil liberu 
press are cut to ribbons, It was once sai 
of Gladstone that he was a good man 
the worst sense of the word. The same 
cin be said of either Burger or Rehn 

i ol 


are patriotic z 
меп by them is 
thre into 
Massachusetts, comes 
. 

The two other Nixe tees are not 
vicious but only ca conservatives. 
(continued on page 120) 


iding an opi 
ike being le 
the 
live again. 


you've probably boogied ШІ dawn listening 
to them m now take a look at the ladies who make 


ой 


her people go bump in the night 


WE'VE ALL KNOWN all along that disco was 
sexy. The light show, the blaring music, 

the bass beat that could clear intestinal 
blockage—all of those combine to create 

а very exciting atmosphere. Add to it a 
seething mass of otherwise sensible adults 
pantomiming various, and sometimes down- 
right unhygicnic, sexual practices on the 
dance floor and you see what we mean, But a 
new, though thoroughly predictable, wrinkle 
has come on the scene. A crop of lady disco 


singers, who have till now found their greatest 
fame in Europe, is invading the United States 
not only with songs but with suggestive stage 
presence. The ladies—among them (clockwise 
from top left) Madleen Kane, Grace Jones, 
Amanda Lear ded 
the sexiness of the disco into another direc- 
tion, and while we're not sure what brand of 
sexuality they're pushing, a lot of people аге 
being pushed along. What follows, then, 

is a toe-tapping session of show and tell. 


nd Flower—have expa 


115 


“People fall in love in discos, 

listening to songs,” says Madleen 

Kane, who gave up a very prom- 

ising career as a model to help 

people do just that. Although al- 

ready popular in Europe, Swedish- 

born Madleen has just started 

to be heard in the United States. 

Her first album, Rough Diamond, | 
includes on the title cut these lyrics: 4 
"I'm only a rough diamond, I | 
need your love to shape me.” 
Thor's pretty farfetched, from our 
perspective; the cutter who worked 
on Madleen did a superb job. 
Forget it, though, boys, she's in 
tight with her manager, Jean 
Cloude Friederich, who explains 
her appeal this way: “In Europe, 
she is a celebrity, not a sex 

symbol. Like they were needing 
somebody not automatically look- 
ing weird or like a drug addict. 
Madleen’s more clean and nice and 
not making the crazy-looking." 


116 


San Diego-born Flower started out 
as a model whose credits included 
а couple of TV commercials. Her 

big break come when she modeled 
for the cover of Charlie’s No Second 
Chance album. Her picture on it 
was so appealing that one of our 
sources in the record industry 
quipped that the cover did better 
than the record inside. She went 

on the road to promote Charlie's 
album and soon her face was on the 
bulletin boards of radio stations 

all over the country. Someone had 
the bright idea of doing an album 
with her singing. As it turned 

ovt, yes, she could carry a tune 
very well and her first album, 
Flower, has sold about 100,000 
copies and is doing very well in 
Italy and Japan. Her next album 

is due out this month and 

asking her if sex sells records 

would be the same as ask- 

ing her if the Pope was Polish. 


118 


New York's reigning disco queen, 
Grace Jones, oozes damp sexuality. 
Her stage presence is the visual 
equivalent of plugging yourself into 

a wall socket. She once described 
herself as “the Evel Knievel of disco.” 
Embodying a slightly evil side of glam- 
or, she plays to the sinister side of 
high fashion's demimonde. Grace was 
born in Jamaica, where her father 
was a preacher. The family moved 
to Syracuse when she was about eight 
yeors old and Grace, wha was more 
precocious than her classmates, had 
problems adjusting. She wore Afros 
before they were de rigueur and was 
not shy about flashing her breasts. Her 
high school report card described her 
as sacially sick. Clearly, she was des- 
tined for stardom. After banging 
around in modeling, she acquired a 
recording cantract, and her second al- 
bum, Fame, was released last year. 
Here's one lady who walks it like she 
talks it and has yet to lose that beat. 


Formerly one of the highest-paid 
cover girls in Europe, Amanda Leor 
broke into the music scene when she 
was living with David Bowie. “He said, 
why just hang around famous people 
when you could be a real stor?” she 
explains. “When 1 finally got inta а 
studia, he wanted me to smoke ten 
cigarettes befare recording." 
Amanda's trademark, you see, is her 
husky voice. Her public debut occurred 
on a Midnight Special shaw with 
Bowie, on which she was billed cs 
the Transylvanian transsexual trans- 
vestite. Although Amando denies 
having switched gender, there are 
those who aren't so sure that her 
transsexual image is just publicity 
hype, but the rumars to that effect 
certainly don’t hurt Amando’s stage 
persona. While we've learned nat 

to be surprised about anything these 
days, her pictures seem to support 
her denial, or at least serve as a 
testament ta a very skillful surgeon. 


PLAYBOY 


Burger Court (continued from page 114) 


“The Nixon appointees have voted as a bloc in more 
than three fourths of the criminal cases.” 


Harry A. Blackmun is, in fact, just a 
tiny bit pathetic. When he was judge of 
the Eighth U.S. Circuit Court of Ap- 
peals, he reportedly would go out to the 
grave of his predecessor sometimes and 
stand there and commune with him, 
searching for guidance in extremely tough 
cases. There is nothing wrong with ask- 
ing advice from a Minnesota corpse— 
one is likely to get better advice from it 
than from most of the free-breathing 
residents of Washington, in fact. 

The trouble is, Blackmun has almost 
always needed someone, dead or alive, to 
Jean on. When he went to the Supreme 
Court, he was jocularly known as the 
“Minnesota Twin,” a condescending al- 
lusion to the fact that he and Burger had 
been lifetime friends, that he was on the 
Court strictly through Burgers indul- 
gence and that he was expected to be 
Burger's patsy. He arrived as а plodder; 
he wrote opinions so laboriously and so 
larded with leaden footnotes, one might 
have supposed he was translating into 
English from some esoteric language. On 
at least one occasion, Burger, wanting to 
delay a decision until the next term of 
the Court and knowing how slowly his 
Minnesota Twin wrote, assigned it to 
Blackmun. But Blackmun fooled him 
and whipped it right out in record time. 
Blackmun does occasionally, though not 
often, fool the Chief Justice, emerging 
briefly from beneath Burger's robe to pro- 
claim to all the world that in his inner- 
most daydreams he really is his own man 
He does not always vote with the Chief 
Justice, and, in fact, he votes with increas- 
ing independence, but he was a veritable 
toady in his early years on the Court— 
the crucial years when Burger was estab- 
lishing the Nixonburger Iron Mantle on 
the law. In his very first term, he differed 
from Burger on only ten percent of his 
votes. 

The other Nixon appointee, Lewis F. 
Powell, Jr., is a classic study in obsoles- 
cence. He is a Virginia gentleman, in- 
crusted with faith in a way of life that 
never was To Powell's credit, he did 
warn Nixon that he was too old and set 
in his ways to be a good Justice, but 
Nixon was determined to have him. For. 
tunately for the people on death row, 
Powell is not mean-spirited. If Chief 
Justice Burger and Justices Rehnquist, 
Blackmun and Byron White had had 
their way, the Court would have upheld 
the death sentences of more than 600 
persons in 35 states. They needed only 


120 one more vote to do it, but Powell re- 


fused to go along with the retroactive 
dooming of the 600, though he did sup- 
port the death penalty itself. 

Powell went to the Court from a 
tweedy Richmond corporatelaw firm 
with plenty of utility-company clients. 
He is very bullish on America, with well 
over $1,000,000 in corporate stocks in the 
back of his mind as he goes about his 
judicial business. To what extent those 
holdings influence his votes is impossible 
to say. At least he has the decency to 
excuse himself from taking part in any 
case involving oil companies. It's doubt- 
ful, however, that that action is enough 
to remove him from all perils of conflict 
of interest. 


° 
"The Nixon appointees have voted as a 
bloc in more than three fourths of the 
criminal cases they have handled. Their 
unity isn’t a sign of respect or loyalty to 
the Chief Justice. It simply shows the 
way they are ideologically put together: 
They truly believe that the Government 
should be allowed to push the individual 
around. They truly believe that good 
men and women—men and women who 
pay their bills, who pay their income 
taxes, who are heterosexual, who do not 
engage in oral sex, who copulate for 
reproduction rather than for fun—do 
not need a great deal of privacy. They 
honestly believe that because both The 
New York Times and Container Corpora- 
tion of America are worth many millions 
of dollars and are on the stock market, 
there is no difference in their functions. 
And yet, despite the harmony of their 
conservatism, they feel no fellowship. 
Burger has created a melancholy, con- 
fused Court that, judging from the vari- 
ous rumors one hears, is hardly on 
speaking terms with itself. Legal scholars 
who follow the Court are dumfounded 
by its fuzzy thinking and fuzzier writing. 
Justice Powell's opinion for the majority 
in the Bakke case contains thi: 
trable—and_typical—sentence: 
the individual who is entitled to judicial 
protection against classifications based 
upon his racial or ethnic background 
because such distinctions impinge upon 
personal rights, rather than the indi- 
vidual only because of his membership 
in a particular group, then constitutional 
standards may be applied consistently." 
Don't try to figure out what he said; it 
makes no sense. Neither did the Bakke 
decision itself. Here was potentially the 
most important race case to reach the Su- 
preme Court this decade—Allan Paul 


Bakke, a qualified white applicant, had 
been refused entry into a California 
medical school because 16 of the 100 
first-year slots were reserved for disadvan- 
taged students and that didn’t leave room 
for him. Was Bakke being discriminated 
against unlawfully? Is it constitutionally 
acceptable for graduate schools to have a 
quota on admissions to make up for past 
discrimination? Here was an opportu- 
nity, given any leadership on Burger's 
part, for the Court to speak with a defini- 
tive voice. Instead, it fell apart: four 
Justices voting for quotas, four voting 
against and one voting that quotas were 
sort of OK. The ruling, a masterpiece of 
confusion, gave lawyers and civil rights 
leaders no guidance for future action. 

On the issue of sexual morality, the 
thinking of the Burger Court is even 
more fragmented and hysterical. What is 
one to make of a Court that says city 
government may prohibit the showing of 
indoor nude films that 
but that it may not proh 
ing of outdoor nude films on drive-in 
screens that cause traffic jams? 

In another case, Burger offers this hy- 
pothetical situation in an effort to make 
the Court's decision clear: "A man and 
woman locked in a sexual embrace at 
high noon in Times Square” while 
“simultaneously engaged in a valid polit- 
ical dialog” will receive First Amendment 
protection for their dialog but not for 
their sexual activities, because “the state 
police power can prohibit” fornication 
“on a public street.” 

Fair enough. But what if we move our 
couple, still locked in sexual embrace, to 
a bedroom and pull down the blinds and 
let them continue their political dialog. 
Now, being hidden, are they protected 
by both free-speech and privacy provi- 
sions of the Constitution? Not from the 
Burger Court, they aren't protected. His 
example was misleading, for the Burger 
Court affirmed the conviction of two Vir- 
ginia homosexuals who were doing their 
thing in private, not in the courthouse 
square, and who, for all Virginia's police 
knew, may have been simultaneously dis- 
cussing the decline of Republicanism in 
Dixie. 

When it comes to decisions regarding 
the press, the Nixonburger Court's gen- 
erally chilly attitude—and Burger's per- 
sonal loathing of the media—has become 
increasingly apparent. 

"This includes its decision not to decide 
the case involving New York Times re- 
porter Myron Farber. The Court really 
betrayed the press on that one, as can be 
seen by reviewing an implied promise it 
made only seven years ago. In Branzburg 
vs. Hayes (1972), the Supreme Court had 
ruled, five to four, that reporters could 
not refuse to testify before a grand jury; 
it ruled that the First Amendment did 

(continued on page 230) 


s, right?" 


in heaven, anything goe. 


“Now that we're 


CHICAG 


SEX IN 


AMERICA: 


when it comes to sex and sin, theres a little bit of everything in chicago — 
but evena little bit can be too much for the city’s spiritual and political leaders 


article BY WALTER IL. LOWE 


In The Brassary Restaurant at Ontario and Michigan, 
the jukebox plays Donna Summer; lunch is being served 
but nobody really cares. "There's a waiting line at the door. 

The tables are filled with men who have corporate titles and 
women who do not. The former group is buying drinks and 
charcoal-grilled hamburgers (hold the onion) for the latter. 
The tabs may go on expense accounts, but the arrange- 
ments being made have nothing to do with office business. 

In the Loop, at the 


І ıs FRIDAY in midsummer Chicago. 


“talented” girls dance nude on a dimly lit stage. No stickler 
for atmosphere, he will enjoy the talents of one of the young 
ladies in the back room, and will pay for her services with a 
major credit card. 

Meanwhile, just a few blocks north on Rush, a busty bru- 
nette, who works a counter at a fashionable Michigan Avenue 
clothing store by day and entertains generous gentlemen at 
night, is standing on the imported Moroccan tile at the en- 
trance of the exclusive Faces disco, waiting for tonight's com- 

panion to return from 


corner of Lake and Dear- 
born, the Cinestage thea- 
ter is showing Chorus Call 
and The Seduction of 
Amy to a packed audi- 
ence: men on their lunch 
hours, who will sit 
through maybe 90 min- 
utes of whatever happens 
to be on the screen and 
go back to work, their 
minds filled with images 
of thrusting cocks and tur- 
gid nipples. Not having 
eaten lunch, they will sub- 
sist on the images until 
dinner. It's called the por- 
nography diet. 

Meanwhile, back at the 
ranch: In the studio on 
the Ith floor of the 
Playboy Building, a beau- 
tiful blonde, who happens 
to be naked, reclines on 
a furcovered bed for 
a PLAYBOY photographer. 
Like most Playmates, this 
particular girl next door 
is an import—she actually 
lives 2000 miles away in 
Los Angeles. The photog- 
rapher frames the girl in 
his viewfinder and won- 
ders for the millionth 
time if the rumor is true 
that Hef is planning to 
move the magazine to the 
West Coast. 


Later in the cvening, a 


Sexy places in Chicago: the lakefront at sunset (top left), а Division 
Street singles bar (top right), a bridge over Loke Shore Drive (bottom 
left). If all else fails, there are always the Rush Street B-clubs (bottom right). 


parking his rented car. 
"Tomorrow morning, he'll 
fly back to Omaha and 
she'll sleep late in his 
room at the RitzCarlton, 
then take a leisurely stroll 
back to her apartment in 
McClurg Court, less than 
a mile away. 

Just about the time 
Faces begins to get hot— 
around two A.M., Satur- 
day—40 nude swingers 
are wandering around 
their rented suite at the 
Holiday Inn near O'Hare 
International Airport, 
looking for their clothes. 
They started early, were 
out of their Charles Jour- 
dan heels and Florsheim 
loafers by 9:30 and into 
each other by ten. Some 
couples leave for homes 
scattered throughout the 
northern and western sub- 
urbs, while others, in for 
a swinging weekend from 
cities as distant as Hono- 
lulu, return to their own 
rooms in the hotel. 

Dawn breaks on Satur- 
day. As the sun rises red, 
then golden, then white- 
hot against Chicago's mas- 
sive skyline, an armada of 
nearly 4000 privately 
owned pleasure boats be- 
gins to glide and hum out 


horny conventioneer from 
San Diego leaves his room in the Continental Plaza on North 
Michigan Avenue and, five minutes later, sits down at a table 
in a B-lounge on Chestnut Street to watch a succession of 


ILLUSTRATION. BY. KINUKO Y. CRAFT 


across the water. On a 
trim Hatteras yacht heading out of Burnham Harbor, three 
lithe young women on deck remove their shorts and halters. 
"Two wear underpants and one doesn't. The one who doesn't 


123 


O GLD CAST HGH-RSES 
@ BUTCH NYGURE TAVERN 

SHE-NANN'GANS © FACES 

CLUB TRAY © G°DFATHER I 


TOPLESS BARS (9 SWINGERS 
S CRUSES 


© LAKE PNT TOWER رل‎ % [ 
LNCLN PARK ЖАНУ 
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A Oe A 


turns her bottom west to moon three fat 
beer-drinking fishermen sitting along the 
shore. 

At 29th Street, behind and just south 
of the McCormick Place trade and ex- 
position center, a slender, dark-haired 
woman, wearing a white sweater and a 
pleated blue skirt, lies on the rocks while 
her clean-cut boyfriend, standing on a 
lower ledge. slips his fingers into her 
under her skirt. They talk as he does so, 
looking from a distance like two lovers 
merely having a warm conversation. 
Then they trade places, he sitting, she 
standing on the ledge below. They look 
around casually, only half-caring who 
sces them, and she goes down on him 
while he stares reflectively at the John 
Hancock Building jutting into the white 
northern sky. Good morning, Chicago. 


. 

Chicago is a city of neighborhoods. 
The late Mayor Richard J. Daley was a 
neighborhood man, meaning that he nev- 
er outgrew the attitudes of Bridgeport, 
his community, nor wanted to. Bridge- 
port is a nearly all-white middle-class 
neighborhood in the solidly Democratic 
11th Ward on the South Side. It is dean, 
mowed, neat. One can hardly imagine 
spontaneous acts of sex occurring in 
Bridgeport: Sex is so untidy. Indeed, one 
would expect Bridgeport to adopt a 
righteous posture in the face of all evil, 
but the ethics of Bridgeport are colored 
by the fact that an extraordinarily large 
percentage of its population has for near- 
ly 50 years bcen employed by the City of 
Chicago through Democratic Party pa- 
tronage. Thus, on most issues of political 
morality, Bridgeport's attitude is, "We 
didn't see nuttin'." However, when it 
comes to sex, Bridgeport, with its large 
Irish Catholic population, is sincerely 
against there being too much. And too 
much as [ar as Bridgeport is concerned 
isn't much at all. So Daley grew up and 
rose to power in a neighborhood where 
the sins of politics were looked upon as 
small, while the sins of sex were con- 
sidered mortal. 

Now, more than two years after Da- 
ley's death, the antisexual influence of his 


Wind can be sexy in the Windy City, as the 
gent behind the lady with the flying skirts 
(above) can attest. But coming out of the 
cold is sexier, at least for swingers like Don 
Jameson and company (middle, top left), and 
Mike LaCroix (middle right), seen here with 
а close friend at a Halloween leather party in 
а Chicago suburb. Chicago’s center for high- 
fashion sex is the Faces disco on Rush Street 
(middle, below left). At right, part owner 
Jay Emerich takes time away from the front 
door to welcome a few chic boogiers. For a 
better ideo of where it's all happening in 
Chicogo, refer to the mop on the facing poge. 


125 


PLAYBOY 


21-year administration on matters pruri- 
ent remains, largely because most of the 
“wunnerful” people who elected him and 
his successor, Bridgeport boy Michael 
Bilandic, like it that way. 

Bridgeport is not unique in its sexual 
attitudes. Wherever you find white lower- 
middle-class ethnic neighborhoods, you 
find the sexual morality, more or less, of 
Bridgeport—and the attitudes in black 
neighborhoods (37 percent of Chicago is 
black) are in some ways even more 
conservative. For this reason, sex for 
sale—prostitution, strip joints, porno 
movies—is confined to small pockets of 
movable and immovable space, and the 
neighborhoods and precincts where liber- 
al sexual attitudes abound are obvious 
and few. 

"The number-one area, the Alice's Res- 
taurant of sex in Chicago, is the Near 
North Side. It's bounded on the south 
and north by Chicago Avenue and North 
Avenue, respectively, and on the east by 
Lake Michigan. On the west . . . well, it 
goes as far as property values hold up. 
"The Near North Side has everything, in- 
cluding the Playboy Building and the 
Chicago Playboy Mansion. An abundance 
of condominiums, town houses, fine old 
brownstone buildings and modern mid- 
dleincome housing developments such 
as Carl Sandburg Village have, for the 
past 20 years, attracted a high percentage 
of Chicago's young single working adults. 
The result is that almost any public 
on the Near North Side holds pos- 
es for striking up a meaningful 
relationship. 

In the middle of the Near North Side 
is the roughly eightsquare-block. Rush 
Street area bounded by Chestnut on the 
south, Division on the north and State 
Street on the west. Here one can pick up 
a prostitute (male or female), go to a 
bottomless joint (and get laid in the back 
room), see porn movies, buy sex aids, 
cruise the most popular singles bars and 
discos, and even see a firstrun movie. 
Unlike New York or Los Angeles, where 
theaters, movies, discos, posh restaurants 
and sexual diversions are to be found in 
а variety of neighborhoods, the only area 
in Chicago where all those options are 
available is the Near North Side. 

There are other free-firezone neigh- 
borhoods, but they offer different kinds 
of sexuality than the pay-as-you-go of 
Rush. Among them arc Hyde Park, the 
home of interracial sex (and intellectual 
sex); Uptown and New Town, where gay 
is not only beautiful but also powerful; 
the Gold Coast, where live the bankers, 
stockbrokers and lawyers who make Chi- 
; Rogers Park, second only to 
North Side as the heartland of 
the single liberated heterosexual; and the 
suburbs around O'Hare Airport, where 


126 B«lubs and callgirls are conveniently 


available to conventioneers and nearby 
hotels host private orgies nearly every 
weekend. 

But for the most part, the vast physical 
space of Chicago is occupied by working 
families lumped together by race and 
dass in residential neighborhoods. One 
third of Chicago's 3,400,000 population 
is married; one third is under the age of 
18 and a surprising percentage of the 
rest live at home. Sex is somewhat of a 
problem in the neighborhoods. Every- 
body knows everybody else and, conse- 
quently, everybody else's business, which. 
makes it hard on he who would schtup 
the neighbor's daughter. 

To understand the sexual psychology 
of Chicago, it’s necessary to understand 
the moral pressures of the neighborhood. 
In Los Angeles, for instance, half the 
city’s population is from somewhere else. 
There are no parents or old school chums 
to hear about you being taken to a hos- 
pital, covered with Love Butter and com- 
plaining of an unremovable cock ring; 
no old schoolteachers to bump into on 
the street when you're smashed on "Ludes 
and rubbing your lover's ass inside his or 
her pants. In Los Angeles, Big Brother is 
оп vacation like everybody else. In Chi- 
cago, however, he's just around the cor- 
ner, just a few el stops away. Because of 
this, most native Chicagoans cannot al- 
low themselves to be totally wild. What 
they lack in liberation, though, they 
make up for in feeling, because they feel 
wilder than hell, just as one would feel 
more daring doing it in a closet at City 
Hall than at any orgy. Some prefer it 
like that. 


. 

Bill and Cathy are married, but not to 
each other. They are Polish, in their 
early 20s and are lifelong residents of an 
eightsquareblock section of southwest 
Chicago. Both say they felt pressured by 
their families to settle down as soon as 
they graduated from high school. Cathy, 
a redhead with green eyes, walks with a 
tottering, swaying motion. Her husband 
works days and Cathy works nights, so 
they don’t sec much of each other. Bill, a 
muscular greaser (greasers still exist on 
Chicago's Southwest Side, untouched by 
the ravages of time, Andy Warhol or 
Timothy Leary), is married to a Polish 
Catholic girl who is practicing early to 
be an old, prudish, fat grandmother. She 
is already fat and. prudish and is merely 
waiting for the years to transform her 
completely. Bill and Cathy work together 
at the same printing company, he as a 
pressman, she as a typist. He is horny, 
so is she. They meet on lunch breaks and 
drive to Bill's apartment (his wife also 
works nights) and frantically get it on. 
Punch in, punch ош. A typical timecard 
affair. Cathy only lets him go down on 
her and fuck her in the ass because she 


still feels faithful to her husband. In 
Chicago, there is morality, even in sin. 

Cathy and Bill both get off on the fear 
of being caught. They enjoy the urgency 
of having only 50 minutes to complete 
the act. Sometimes, when one or the 
other of them is held over by a supervisor 
and they have less time, they just go out 
into the dark parking lot and fuck in 
Cathy's car. Cathy says, “I’m just а dirty 
little girl [honesti] and the thought that 
my husband or Bill's wife might catch us 
makes me, well, you know.” She blushes. 
Her favorite scare was the time Bill for- 
got to wash his hands and her husband 
saw the outlines of two blue hands on her 
buttocks. “I told him the girls at work 
played a joke and painted ink hands on 
the toilet seats in the women's john. He 
believed me.” 

. 

But before the conundrums of mar- 
riage come romance and courtship. 
Wherever one finds morality in abun- 
dance, there one will also find romance 
in abundance, and Chicago is a romantic 
city at heart. 

Chicago is a two-season Gty: summer 
and winter. In winter, it's mainly a mat- 
ter of weekend parties, hanging out at 
neighborhood bars and, for winter-jock 
enthusiasts, an occasional star-crossed en- 
counter at Morrie Mages Sports Store. 
Probably the most romantic thing about 
Chicago in the winter is the harsh cold 
itself. If you find a lover in the winter in 
Chicago, you'll most likely keep her or 
him until spring, because they ain't goin’ 
nowhere while the gentle lake breeze 
(and the subsequent 40-below wind-chill 
factor) is roaming the streets. If you 
don't find a lover by winter, you prob- 
ably won't make it to spring. 

In the summer, Chicago transforms 
self. There are colorful art fairs that 
attract thousands of people and provide 
wonderful opportunities to mingle with 
strangers in a more intimate way than 
usual. There are poetry readings, travel- 
ing amusement parks and streetcorner 
banjo pickers There are free concerts 
wherever there's a bank or a shopping 
mall. There's a lot of free entertainment 
in the summer, many opportunities to 
pause a moment, make eye contact, take 
a chance. 

And of all Chicago's free entertain- 
ment, probably the most popular is its 
oldest “landmark,” Lake Michigan. 
"There's nothing more romantic than a 
picnic beneath a shady tree near a lake, 
nothing more sexy than a stroll along a 
rock-lined shore. Everything one can pos- 
sibly imagine happening near a body of 
water at one time or another happens on 
the lake front. Connections are madc 
there, gangbangs happen there, late- 
night disco couples high on poppers and 

(continued on page 176) 


humor By DAN GERBER 


LIKE MOST PEOPLE with four-wheel- 
drive vehicles, I bought mine not 
because I frequent trackless 
Central American jungles or live 
a Spartan life above the timber 
lineand need huge gouts of trac- 
tion for my monthly trek to the 
trading post for supplies. Oh, Гуе 
had use for it during severe bliz- 
zards this winter, defiantly bust- 
ing through snowdrifts that 
would've totally consumed a 
Volkswagen Rabbit, and it has 
been fun impressing the farmer 
next door, miring down to the 
axles in his newly planted corn- 
field, then winching myself out 
with the 9000-pound Hickey Side- 
winder winch that obtrudes im- 
pressively in front of my grille 
оп its own armored bumper plat- 
- form—scraping the bark off his 
Jone shade tree in the process. 


it aint the go; 
its the show, 
good buddy 


But the truth is, I bought a four- 
wheel-drive truck because 1 like 
the image. I like the way it sits up 
high off the road, as if it could 
easily straddle small cars in line 
at the drive-in, as if I could've 
just driven in from Nome and 
could, if I choose, top off my 
tanks and head out tomorrow 

for Panama City. 

I pull my ten-gallon Resistol 
Twister, Canyon model, down 
snug around my ears and look 
rugged and ready. I'm all set for 
the arduous trek down three 

miles of paved country road to the 
hardware store to buy a new ax 
handle for the ax I don't need to 
split firewood for the fireplace 
that causes drafts in a house per- 
fectly well heated by my automatic 
oil furnace. My front differential 
and transfer-case skid plates pro- 
tect my drive train from the rocks 
(concluded on page 256) 


ILLUSTRATION BY RON VILLANI 


WHEN YOU PLAY WITH FIRE... 


article By JOEL DREYFUSS comedian george kirby gambled on vegas’ 
making him a superstar, but he sat in on too hot a game 


IN 1977, after 30 years in show busin 
George Kirby had one of the most easily 
recognizable faces in America. The only 
problem was that too few people at- 
tached a name to the face. He was, “uh, 
you know, the black comic who does 
impressions of James Cagney and Mae 
West. You know, the fat guy who sings 


and dances Oh, what's his name?" 
But 1977 should have changed all that. 
The goddess of the big time who ele- 
vated Redd Foxx from the category of 
"black comic" to a prime-time institu- 
tion finally flirted with Kirby. A televi- 
sion pilot was in the works and he'd 
been offered his first major film role, in 


ILLUSTRATION BY ALAN MAGEE 


Neil Simon's The Cheap Detective. 

Kirby would have been a dawning super- 

star in 1977, moving at last into the 

ranks of Pryor. Foxx and Cosby. But 
something happened. 
. 

George Kirby stood on the top step 


of the short flight that separates the 129 


PLAYBOY 


casino from the main showroom of the 
Landmark Hotel in Las Vegas. Inside, 
the 15-piece band was plowing through 
the first song in the show, the sounds of 
brass and reeds muffled by the closed 
doors. by had the wireless micro- 
phone tucked into his armpit. He shuf- 
fled a stack of keno entries and watched 
anxiously as the numbers winked up on 
the illuminated board above the casino 
floor. A middleaged couple approached 
him timidly for an autograph. He 
flashed the generous row of white teeth 
that is his trademark and talked to 
them. Naturally, he was telling a joke. 
They laughed and walked away reluc- 
tantly. The high point of their trip to 
Las Vegas would be the story of their 
encounter with the famous black co- 
median. 

Somewhere out on the floor, onc of 
the double-knit tourists hit the jack- 
pot and the crowd drifted toward the 
clang of success. Kirby's smile faded 
and for a moment the lines appeared 
around his mouth and across his fore- 
head. Then, almost immediately, the 
mask returned and he was the confi- 
dent, easygoing entertainer again. He 
reminded one of a cork bobbing in a 
storm, this big, brow: inned man. 
George Kirby was treading water, hang- 
ing on by sheer will power as both the 
past and the future closed in on him. 
His show was going bankrupt. He had a 
Federal conviction hanging over his head 
for selling a pound of heroin to an un- 
dercover cop. He was about to go to trial 
on five state charges of trafficking nar- 
cotics. image, his career, maybe his 
life had all been shattered into a million 
pieces. 

The band went into the last cight 
bars of the first tune. Kirby hitched up 
his smile, took microphone and 
slipped into the auditorium to intro- 
duce the next act. There was a murmur 
of laughter as he slid into a funny 
story—then applause for the next per- 
Tormer. 

And Kirby back outside again, check- 
ing the keno cards against the numbers 
on the board. “I'll hit it yet," he said. 
“TIl save t show." He whooped and 
rushed down to the cashier's cage. The 

olf on his dollar entry was $2.50. 
Like a lot of things in George Kirby's 
life lately, it was too little too late. 
. 

The face hasn't changed much from 
the days when he was a fixture on our 
television sets. His career as an impres- 
sionist goes back to the medium’s in- 
fancy: kinescope, Garry Moore, Steve 
Allen and Ed Sullivan. The smooth dark 
skin, the closecropped hair and the daz- 
zling tecth take a decade off his 54 years. 
He's a solidly built man, but the ample 


130 stomach makes him more accessible, a 


sort of giant Teddy bear. People are at- 
tracted to him. At the Landmark, they 
came to talk, to ask for autographs, to 
wish him luck. He had maintained his 
innocence throughout his ordeal and 
had appealed his conviction to the U. S. 
Court of Appeals. Because there was an- 
other trial ahead, he couldn't say much 
about his legal troubles. 

"People who know me know that this 
is not my style,” he said. “Most people 
1 come into contact with say, ‘We're 
sorry and we're praying for you.’ What 
hurts, though, is the narrow minds, 
people who didn't care for George Kirby 
in the first place.” If some of his ас- 
quaintances have retreated, it may be be- 
cause they began to suspect they didn’t 
really know him alter all. For years, he 
had the reputation of being a friendly 
and generous man who overcame his own 
heroin addiction to become one of the 
country's finest comic impressionists. 

Because of that, the old friends remain 
loyal and refuse to believe what they've 
read or heard. “My first reaction was that 
someone took advantage of George, that 
he was a victim of circumstance,” said 
Samuel Nolan, a childhood friend who 
has become first deputy police superin- 
tendent of Chicago. Others who've 
known him over the years would agree. 
They can't picture Kirby involved in 
drugs again. But they will say he is 
naive, generous to a fault and quite like- 
ly to get into a situation in which he 
would find it dificult to say no. "His 
concern,” says Nolan, “has always been 
for the person who didn’t make it up 
the ladder. 

"The picture of Kirby painted by law- 
enforcement officials is a very different 
one. In interviews and in court records, 
they call him a major narcotics dealer 
who boasted about his connections with 
organized crime in Chicago and New 
York. Any attempt to understand the 
strange rise and fall of George Kirby 
requires an effort to reconcile two op- 
posing images of the man. 

б 

Police officials say Kirby’s name turned 
up in 1976 during their investigations of 
narcotics traffic in Las Vegas. For nearly 
а year, an undercover police officer with 
the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police tried 
to find the right introduction to Kirby. 
When his name appeared in the files of 
Federal agencies, the two groups joined 
forces and an informant provided the 
contact. 

On March 1, 1977, Kirby met a man 
named Dave in the Omni Bar of the 
Hughes Executive Terminal at the Las 
Vegas airport. Kirby had been told that 
Dave was interested in buying. As the two 
men talked, another Las Vegas undercov- 
er man and a Federal agent watched [тот 
an adjoining booth. Kirby allegedly told 
Dave he had connections with “families 


in Chicago” and that he could get him as 
much cocaine as he needed. Dave wanted 
to know the price of an ounce. Kirby 
went to a telephone. An ounce would 
cost $1400, he said. Dave was interested, 
Kirby promised to meet him at the bar 
on the following evening. The next 
night, Dave and his friends were back, 
but Kirby jailed to show up. 

Six days later, Dave called Kirby. The 
impressionist apologized. He had been 
delayed and by the time he got to the 
Omni, Dave had left. But if Dave was 
still interested, he could make the nec- 
essary arrangements. At 9:50 on the 
night of March seventh, a silver-gray 
pickup truck pulled up at Kirby's house. 
А man and a woman went inside, stayed 
for 25 minutes and left. At 10:15, Kirby 
got into his yellow Pinto and drove to the 
Omni for his second meeling with Dave. 
He was followed by the men who'd been 
clocking arrivals and departures at the 
Kirby residence. 

After some small talk, George and 
Dave left ihe bar and went into the ter- 
minal parking lot. It was too dark for 
Dave to weigh and test the merchandise, 
so Kirby invited him to his house. In à 
living room cluttered with memorials 
from past performances and certificates 
for Kirby's good works on behalf of 
charitable organizations, Dave took out 
a small vial of cobalt thiocyanale and 
tested the powder in a plastic bag that 
Kirby handed him. It was cocaine. Kirby 
said the price had gone up to $1500, but 
he agreed to let Dave give him the 
rest on the following night. “During that 
lime," Dave would testify in court, “he 
asked me if I was interested in making 
some good money, that he had some con- 
nection for heroin. And he told me he 
could get large quantities if I was inter- 
ested.” In a curious juxtaposition of two 
worlds, Kirby signed some photographs 
of himself for Dave's friends. The names 
he was given were the names of the other 
undercover policemen involved іп the 
case. 


. 
George Kirby was born on June 8, 
1924, in Chicago's Cook County Hospital. 
There was a strong show-business tradi- 
tion in his family. His father played sev- 
eral stringed instruments and his mother 
was a singer. But the most successful 
members of the family were his aunt and 
uncle, who worked in vaudeville as Black 
Patty and Tom Cross, Despite the family 
roots, Kirby wasn’t interested in enter- 
tainment. “In those days, the only guys 
I'd see with $100 bills weren't entertain- 
ers but the guys on the corner with the 
big hats and the baggy suits—the gam- 
blers. I used to say, that's where the 

money's at.” 
But the talent was obviously there. 
During the Depression, he and his friends 
(continued on page 260) 


"I'm your basic fearless kid and all-round speed demon. I’ve been 
driving since I was ten. When my father went deer hunting, Pd tear 
around back roads in the family VW, doing wheelies. I started 
riding minibikes when I was 11. One summer during high school, I 
toured half the country on a motorcycle. I like to travel.” 


be it on roller skates or 
motorcycle, missy cleveland 
likes to keep rolling 


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"I'm a romantic. I love candle- 
light and white wine, dancing 
till dawn. But even more, I like 
the outdoors. How shall we say 
it? I like to cat grapes and 

go barefoot. At the very least.” 


MISSY CLEVELAND likes to keep up with the times. She starts each day with coffee and 
the morning newspaper; every evening she watches the national news on television. 
‘About a year ago, she happened to catch Playmate Promotions Director Miki Garcia 
on the local news in San Diego announcing the Great Playmate Hunt, the search 
for the ladies who would grace the gatefolds of our 25th Anniversary year. Missy's 
mother happened to catch the same newscast. She encouraged her daughter to "go 
for it.” Thanks, Mom. Missy showed up at the hotel in San Diego just as a TV news 


“Back in Mississippi, I used to go 
skinny-dipping way back in ihe 
boonies at this reservoir called 
Lost Rabbit—'cause you could 
never find it. One day, my girl- 
friend and I saw a big fat water 
moccasin. That ended that.” 


crew arrived to film the proceedings. She was struck speechless, but then, so 
were we. Our first impressions were of a wholesome, somewhat shy young 
girl, who, having just spent a day at Black's Beach, San Diego's famous 
stretch of liberated occan front, seemed to be sunburned in the most 
unusual places. Her shyness was just audition jitters. Over the next few 
weeks, we discovered Missy to be a bundle of congenial energy, with a 
Southern accent that definitely was not Southern Californian. She had just 


“Tve always had big dreams. Huge 
ones. I had my heart set on 
modeling, till I found out I was 
three inches too short. Now, 

Га like to be an actress.” 


"Im зош single and I have 
money in the bank. I’m going 
tospend the next few years 
satisfying my wanderlust. 
The other kind, too.” 


completed a cross-country trek from 
Jackson, Mississippi, with a side stop in 
Denver. (“I lasted a week in Denver. 
‘Then it snowed. My dog wouldn't go 
out in the snow, so I packed up and 
kept going till I reached California.") 
At least she made the trip in a car. As 
we learned more about our Miss April, 
we discovered that she was a diminutive 
daredevil. When she was a high school 
senior, she took off with a boyfriend 
for a two-wheeled tour of the South. 
“We took turns driving the motorcycle. 
Sometimes he needed a rest, so I would 
take over, riding along in my bikini, 
trying to get a tan. He didn’t mind.” 
Neither, we imagine, did the other 
drivers in Florida. "When it was my 
turn to ride in back, I'd read, or keep 
notes in my journal of the things I 
liked. There was one night when we 
were down in the Keys, on a dark high- 
way with water on both sides—it was 
magic." Missy brings some of that wide- 
eyed innocence to California. She roll- 
erskates every day on the boardwalk by 
the beach in San Diego. She has visited 
Las Vegas and won at blackjack (“It’s 
easy to double your money, just smile 
at the dealer"). She has driven a Rolls- 
Royce and visited Hef's Playboy Man- 
sion West. “I was so excited. The 
Jacuzzi, the game room. You couldn't 
chain me down.” We wouldn’t try. 


“Before motorcycles, there were 
horses. I used to visit a ranch 
when I was six or seven. I 

was so small my whole body fit 
on the horse’s neck.” 


Here, some bikers join in on the photo session; we 
kept expecting them to ride off with the model. 


MISS APRIL ruarsor’s pravmare 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


NAME: Prissy (бгз йаз ы 
Bust; 3M — warst: ХА HIPS: АА 
нетонт: &'M"yercur: AS SIGN: Coe ico S.D 


BIRTH DATE: VA|as le BIRTHPLACE: EET 
coms: "ТазаеА to all cogwers of the woed Aso 


line (Whe tothe Мат 
TURN-ONS; _Bewotiful sowsets heaviest Canes, the south, ___ 
—Anuwn-to-ranih penpe Ano Sees MAT 
TURN-OFFS: Smog, | A t&eS с. аяс mea __ 
E E ی کے‎ у 5 сы сы 
FAVORITE MOVIES Heaven Cass tert, Tas Buddy Holly — 


FAVORITE TV PROGRAMS Mark amo Mindy The Foris Neus 


FAVORITE SPORTS: Y \ idi Fas 


FAVORITE PERFORMERS: ek 

IDEAL EVENING: 

— — DECE SSA, hot then telo. 

TRAVEL PLANS: Lay X % to see the puaemiàs кәй _ 
he. paats eft ast of the Kina Tot ғ xbibit 


Lire miss 
Mississipe: Contest 
Age 1o 


PLAYBOY’S PARTY JOKES 


When the formal private briefing of the attrac- 
tive new teacher by the vice-principal was fin- 
ished, the latter took a few pulls on his pipe 
and said, “I have an informal piece of advice 
for vou as well, Miss Bell. Theres only onc 
way you can get along in this school without 
submitting to thc sexual advances of the 
principal." 

“Well—er—what way is that?" responded 
the girl, turning red. 

“ГИ explain it,” continued the vice-princi- 
pal, "as soon as you've undressed." 


Goaded beyond endurance by the ineptness of 
а squad of recruits, the Marine drill instructor 
burst into a tirade . . . but then suddenly broke 
it ot and fixed his baleful gaze on one of his 
charges whose lips he had seen moving. "What 
was that you said, Travis?” the D.I. demanded 
fiercely. 

"What I said to myself, Sergeant, sir," the 
recruit replied in a quavering voice, "was, ‘If 
that mother thinks I'm going to stand here and 
take his shit, he’s certainly an uncanny judge 
of character!” ” 


Sign in massage parlor window: LET OUR STAFF 
SATISFY YOURS! 


Га sure increasing my vocabulary at college,” 
the freshman coed told her best friend during 
a visit back home. КЕЛ last week, I thought 1 
heard my date say he'd like to have a school 
job... but it turned out to be spelled s-k-u- 


Conforming to the pattern of corporate diver- 
sification, a major car manufacturer has taken 
to turning out heart pacemakers. “I like mine 
fine,” reports one user, “except that every time 
I screw my wife, the automatic garage doors 


open." 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines buggery as 
a popup in foul territory. 


You and your husband don't seem to have 
much in common," nosicd the new tenants 
neighbor. “Why did vou marry 

"I guess it was the old business of opposites’ 
atracing," was the reply. "He wasn't preg- 
nant and L was.” 


We've been told about a fascinating new res- 
taurant catering to singles that will, upon re- 
quest, furnish a receipt for the bill stamped on 
а condom. The owner's rationale for this curi- 
ous practice is that it permits a fellow to wine 
and dine his date . . . and then to stick her 
with the tab. 


V guess,” mused а callgirl named Carol 
One night as she doffed her apparel, 
“That kinks are no fewer, 
My next trick's a brewer— 
When he has me, it’s over a barrel!” 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines conceited 
priest as an altar ego. 


There were honeymoon tears. “When you asked 
if I would marry you even though you got up 
two or three times а night,” sobbed the girl, “I 
didn’t think you meant you bad kidney trouble.” 


You're getting too big for your britches!" 
the father velled at his sassy son one night dur- 
ing an argument. 

ell. from what I've overheard Mom say," 
the youth snapped back, "that sure hasn't been 
one of your problems!" 


d |, 


The Masochist’s Supplement to our Unabashed 
Dictionary defines ridingwhip ejaculation as 
the cream of the crop. 


Do vou have any practical suggestions about 
how to stimulate hair growth?" the man in the 
chair asked the barber. 

“What I've personally found useful,” the 
barber said, "is the application of . . . well... 
the feminine secretion.” 

“But you're balder than J am!" 

“True—but have you also noticed I've got 
one hell of a mustache?" 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on a post- 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY, 
Playboy Bldg., 919 М. Michigan Ave., Chicago, 
Ill. 60611. $50 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


i 
4» 
i» N , Р 


i 
e 


pe i: 
A 1 
a 
9 


GIDDAS GID 


it isn’t ғар 
апа ап 


ІМ ONE LOVE AND OUT THE OTHER 


BRUCE GOLD was in a rage when he stormed 
into the office of the principal with newspa- 
per clippings attesting to his probable emer- 
gence as a person of vast political influence. 
He pulled no punches because the reigning 
official was both a woman and a black. 

“Your words,” he began with a sputter and 
picked up velocity as he went along. “You'll 
have to change them. Don't you read the 
newspapers? I can't have a daughter of mine 
in trouble in school at this time. Either 
take her out of trouble or redefine your words 
so she's not in trouble, and that's it. Fartig! 
ГИ ruin you. ГЇЇ cut off financial aid. I'll let 
the whole world know you're running a 
segregated, selective private school while pre- 
tending to be integrated and impartial.” 

The poor woman was shaken by his ve- 
hemence. “But, Dr. Gold, that isn't true. 
Were known as segregated and selective, al- 
though we secretly are integrated.” 

“Then I'll let the parents know you're in- 
tegrated and drive all the whites away. You're 
after headlines, aren't you? That's the reason 
you're doing this, isn't it?” 


) sneaking off to mexico. not with three mistresses, a wife 
r^ agent who's hot on your trail. from the funniest novel 
since “catch-22,” a second visit with the disaster-prone bruce gold 


fiction By 


FIBST LOOK 


ctanewnovel 


"She's refusing to do homework. We can't 
very well lower our standards, can we?" 

"Thats progressive education,” countered 
Gold. “And you can so lower your standards 
without harming or helping a single student. 
Read my piece called Education and Truth, 
or, Truth in Education." 

"Dr. Gold," the woman tried futilely to 
explain, "if we keep her іп and fail her, she'll 
be held back and you'll waste a full year's 
tuition. If she leaves, there'll be nothing de- 
rogatory on her record and you'll receive a 
refund.” 

“How large a refund?” 

“А fraction of the total." 

“Keep her in.” 

"Dr. Gold, I’m sure you wouldn't want us 
to overlook our rules just to make an excep- 
tion of your child." 

"Why not?” 

The woman could hardly have looked more 
surprised. “You would?” 

"Yes. She is exceptional, isn't she?” 

“In a recalcitrant, unproductive way.” 

'Good," said Gold. “Make an exception of 
her for that and treat it as experimental edu- 
cation. I'll do the homework for her if you 


ILLUSTRATION BY OENNIS MAGOICH 


147 


PLAYBOY 


attach that much importance to it.” 

‘They came to terms on that. In the 
anteroom outside the open door, there 
awaited him with parted lips a pretty 
woman with ash-blonde flufled-up hair 
who hurried after him breathlessly and 
caught at his arm when he had gained 
the corridor, 

“Dr. Gold, please,” she said after brin, 
ing him to a stop. “I think it's so unfair. 
Your daughter is not an exception, And 
I think it's unjust for you and the ad- 
ministration to label her an exception." 

"Who the fuck are you?" asked Gold. 

“Linda Book," said the woman. “I'm 
one of Dina's teachers.” 

"You the onc who's complaining?" 

"Oh, no, Dr. Gold, I'm her favorite. 
We're very close friends and it hurts me 
to see her stigmatized as an exception. 
She's really so exceptional.” 

Gold looked into her sensitive gray 
eyes with the knowing interest of some- 
one watching a new fish swim into his 
ken. He gave the softest gasp of apprecia- 
tion when he realized that hers was prob- 
ably the most beautiful face of a woman 
of his own approximate generation that 
he had ever seen. Her blousc and skirt 
were a bit on the shiny-bright side, which 
was all to his taste, and she had good- 
sized breasts in a soft brassiere. A second 
later, he knew he was on the very verge of 
g in love with her, and he glanced 
at his watch to see if he had time. 
ide downtown to my studio with 
me,” he requested. “I want to talk longer 
with you.” 

"I have a class in five minutes.” 

“Cur it” 

She appeared a bit flustered by his air 
of command. “At least,” she said, “let 
me freshen up.” 

He waited downstairs in a cab for her 
and they fell immediately into an orgy 
of lubricious kissing that soared in ardor 
and noise until they arrived at his build- 
ing. He was almost certain afterward that 
for a period of about a minute during 
the ride, she had one foot on his shoul- 
Чет. They were as formal and correct as 
rigid, weaving drunks in the lobby and 
clevator. As soon as his key turned in the 
Jock, she came at him again with the 
same famished voracity, and they resumed 
as passionately and calisthenically as 
before, with a lustful grinding of bellies 
and pelvic bones and a bruising banging 
of thighs and knees. He held her ass. She 
pulled his hair. He remembered to shut 
the door. 

"I can’t ball you today,” she told him 
the moment they were inside, “but I 
give good head.” 

Actually, her head was only soso, but 
Gold did not criticize and Gold did not 
care. Before the sun set that same day, 
he learned that Linda Book was the 
easiest person to give his heart to that 


148 he'd ever met. Gold һай this penchant 


for falling in love. Whenever he was at 
leisure, he fell in love. Sometimes he fell 
in love for as long as four months: most 
often, though, for six or cight weeks. 
Once or twice he had fallen in love for a 
minute. Confident that this new attach- 
ment had no better chance of surviving 
than the others, he yielded himself to it 
completely. In the throes of romantic 
discovery, he told her all about Andrca 
and much about Belle. In the freshness 
and exhilarating sweep of adventurous 
new feeling, he asked her to come with 
him secretly to Acapulco on his trip with 
Andrea, scheduled during her Christmas 
vacation, and she quickly agreed 

“I may һауе to bring two children," 

“That's out of the question." 

“PI leave them with my husband.” 

"We may be followed" he thought it 
prudent to advise her, thinking of Green- 
span. 

^My husband wouldn't go that far," 
said Linda Book, "although he's desper- 
ate for a reconciliation. He hates being 
separated from me." 

"Smart fellow," said Gold. "He'd be a 
fool to give you up." 

Linda blosomed like a rose. "You 
know how to make a woman happy. But 
I must warn you now. I'll never want to 
marry you." 

Gold could not find the right words for 
a moment. “The mold!” he cried at last. 
"They broke it! They broke thc mold 
when they created you!” 

. 


In the cold light of morning, һе lin- 
gered over breakfast with his head in 
both hands, wondering what the fuck he 
had done, 


. 

Sid gave Gold a check for $3500. Gold 
put the check in his pocket. 

“ГЇ also need some advice, Sid, about 
Acapulco. I'm not really going for the 
Government, and there'll be two of u: 

Sid pursed his lips in consternation. 
"I'm not sure the places І mentioned are 
ht for Belle.” 

Not Belle, Sid. Belle and I are fin- 
ished. We're not really together any- 
more.” 

If Sid was distraught, he hid it well. 
“How come I haven't heard?" he asked 
with only mild surprise. “Тһе girls still 
talk to her, don't they?” 

“I'm not sure she knows.” This was 
growing to be an awkward confession to 
have to keep making. “I'm sort of hoping 
she'll catch on. There's this girl in Wash- 
ington I'm engaged to secretly and want 
to marry." 

“You're really in lovce, huh, kid?” 

"Yeah, Sid, I am. But that's with a 
different one." 

"You mean there are three?" Now Sid 
sat straight up and a look of keenest joy 
brightened his face. 

Gold nodded shcepishly. “And there's 


also a Jewish FBI man named Greenspan 
who might still be checking me out for 
good character.” 

“Tell me something," Sid said after 
asking the waiter for another round of 
drinks. "Why aren't you marrying the 
one you're in love with?” 

“Her husband wouldn't let me,” said 
Gold. "He doesn't even like the idea of 
being separated. He's a big violent man 
with a savage temper and J mustn't let 
him find out.” 

“That's funny. 

"She's got four kids.” 

“That's funnier.” Sid was chuckling 
heartily. “Is she having her teeth capped?" 

Gold answered with amazement, “How 
did you know?” 

Sid merely smiled in a paternal way. 
Then he explained, “Every time I fell for 
a girl, she decided she had to have her 
teeth capped.” 

“Linda's having just a couple. I offered 
to pay.” 

"Don't commit yourself for more.” 

Gold was again embarrassed. “Iwo of 
her kids need orthodontia,” he confessed, 
“and I told Linda I'd help there, too.” 

“Why are you marrying the one in 
Washington?” 

"She's a lovely girl, Sid,” Gold an- 
swered with persuasive feeling, “really 
nice, and her father can help me with his 
influence. There's money there and that 
might make it easier for me to help 
Linda with those dental bills.” 

"How's her teeth?” 

“Good, Sid, good.” 

“Ts she tall?” 

“Very. With long legs and very strong 
bones. Healthy, and really quite a beau- 
ty.” 

“Then take her to Acapulco,” Sid 
urged genially. “It sounds like you might 
have some fun.’ 

“I'm going to, Sid,” said Gold, “but 
there's the problem. I don't like to be 
away from Linda and I want to sneak 
her along, too.” 

“What's the problem?" Sid asked. 

"Is it possible?" asked Gold. “Can I 
really do something like that without 
getting caught?" 

“Sure, it's possible," Sid assured him 
with zest and called for two more drinks. 
"I've got this friend in Houston I do 
business with who goes with this Mexican 
TV actress who goes with this airline 
pilot who's married to this woman with 
the Mexican Tourist Bureau who can 
help with travel and hotel reservations.” 

“She may have to bring two of her 


“The more the merrier,” Sid chortled, 
“if you can afford it. And a maid or baby 
sitter to take care of them so she’s free 
nights.” 

“I hadn't thought of that. Sid, how 
can I hide so many people? Two hotels? 
(continued on page 152) 


HOW DRY I AM! 


IVID PLATT 


attire By 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY BRUCE LAURANCE/PRODUCED BY HOLLIS WAYNE 


why should ducks 
have all the fun? 


РЕП. SHOWERS шау 
bring the flowers, but 
all those raindrops 
falling on your head 

and bod are no fun—especially 

when the coat you're wearing 
to keep dry looks as though Sir 

Walter Raleigh just plucked it 

from a puddle, Utilitarian ap- 

parel, such as rainwear, no 
longer nceds to be strictly 
functional—it also can be fun. 

So why be drab in a drizzle or 

dull in a downpour? Think 

short or long or soft or slick 

when you're shopping for a 

handsome way to beat the 

blahs of spring's bad manners. 


Left: Rain, rain, go away, but if 
it doesn't, who's to worry? The 
guy at far left is well protected 
in а polished-cotton unconstructed 
raincoat with shirt collar, zip front 
and drawstring waist, about $135, 
worn over a tweed V-neck, about 
$30, а raw silk/polyester shirt, 
about $65, cotton slacks with 
triple-pleated front, about $70, 
and a wool tweed tie, $15, all 
by Lee Wright for Monti. His 
bearded friend also laughs at the 
weather, wearing a Dacron poly- 
ester/cotton poplin hooded parka 
with zip front, by Harbor Master, 
about $60, over an acrylic knit 
short-sleeved pullover with spread 
collar, from Barclay Knitwear, 
$12, and polyester/cctton slacks, 
by Levis David Hunter, about 
$27. (Lady's raincoat and hat by 
Sebastian Busalacchi; crochet top 
by Ann Sadler for Riding High; 
sash belt by Bowman Trading.) 


149 


Below: What's new in dry goods? For one 
thing, his parachute-fabric wrap raincoat, 
about $80, worn over a linen blazer, about 
$150, mesh collarless T-shirt, about $20, and 
cotton shorts, about $25, all by Al B. Arden 
for Forward Gear. (Her jacket and T-shirt by 
Claude Montana for Riding High; pants and 
sunglasses by Riding High Pour Femme.) 


Right: Our guy has on a synthetic suede 
raincoat, by Malcolm Kenneth for After 
Six, about $350; tweed jacket, about $145, 
and gobordine slacks, about $35, both by 
Christian Dior Sport; acrylic/silk V-neck, 
from Baracuda by Van Heusen, $22.50; and 
а plaid shirt, by John Henry, $20. (Her 
raincoat by Laura Biagiatti for Riding High.) 


Below: This couple knaws enough to stay out 
in the rain. He’s wearing o polished-cotton 
balmoccan, $85, over o linen/cotton suit, 
$200, polished-cotton shirt, $32.50, and a 
knit tie, $15, all by Colvin Klein. (Her rain- 
coat by Glamour Club for Riding High; silk 
chenille top by Riding High Pour Femme.) 


Below: He's wearing a rubberized polyester trench coat, by Beged-Or-Bis, $215, over а needle-striped suit, by Hickey Freeman, about $435, and 
thing suit by Riding High Pour Femme.) 


а shirt, $21.50, and tie, about $12.50, both by John Henry. (Her raincoat by Sebastian Busalacchi; 


PLAYBOY 


152 Belle to know anything about this. 


GILDAS GOLD „анна 


“The raw, magnetic force of their animal desire could 
not be withstood and barely brooked delay.” 


nswered Sid concisely. 


“Sure, one. It accounts for your being 
wherever you're seen and you don't waste 
time shooting back and forth. Please 
don't take oftense, Bruce, but I think that 
maybe for the first time in my life I'm 
finally proud of my kid brother." 

“And all this while," reminded Gold, 
thrilling a moment with the compliment, 
"there's this ЕБІ man who might find 
out and ruin everything. By the way, 
what's she like?” 

“Who?” 

“That Mexican television actress,” said 
Gold. 

“Not bad, I hear, if you like them 
short, dark, shapely and passionate. She 
goes off like a string of firecrackers, I'm 
told. And I always thought you were 
kind of stuffy. 1 never thought you had 
nerve for something like this.” 

"Sid, I don't," Gold decided, wilting. 

"m going to call it off.” 

“Over my dead body,” Sid told him in 
an affronted voice that commanded the 
attention of others in the small restau- 
rant, “I haven't had this much fun in 
fifteen years. What could go wrong? Boy, 
oh, boy—I wish I could go along, but I 
don't think my heart or Harriet would 
stand it. Listen—we'll book you into the 
Villa Vera in two private cottages back 
to back. You'll have your own kitchen 
and private swimming pool with cach 
and can avoid the public areas. I'll work. 
out the right room numbers. The way I 
sec it, you won't even have to worry 
about this Greenspan or the FBI 

"Forgive me for intruding,” said 
Greenspan of the FBI, “but I'd like to 
make a suggestion. He'll necd a third 
room for himself to make and receive 
private phone calls from each of the 
ladies. He can use secret business with 
Washington as a justification. I recom- 
mend three connecting suites, with his 
own in the middle.” 

“You seem to know an awful lot about 
this,” Sid said appreciatively after Gold 
introduced them. 

"Ive worked for Presidents" was 
Greenspan's understated reply. "Your 
place—it’s a pigsty,” he said of Gold's 
studio when they entered. "l say that 
more in sorrow than in anger. I've been 
meaning to tell you for weeks." 

“Greenspan, don't butt in,” said Gold 
with a look plainly indicating he was 
both worried and irked. “I don't want 


“She knows, she knows,” said Green- 
span in a soughing litany. "Everything 
but the names. Since when has Belle ever 
been guilty of stupidity? 

“Then why hasn't she said апу 


span with an expression of absolute grief 
stealing over him. “If you only knew 
how my heart bleeds for her every time I 
hear her talking to her mother or trying 
to pretend that nothings wrong when 
she speaks to your sisters. What a woman 
she is, what a wonderful wife and 
mother she” 

“Greenspan, stop, for Christ sakes. 

“Why should she be the one to say 
something and make it easier for you?” 
asked Greenspan. "If you won't com- 
plain, why should she do it for you? 
Sure, she'll give you a divorce, but first 
ask. Why should she be the one to say 
you want a divorce, if you won't do it? 
Oh, Gold, Gold—I must know some- 
thing, for my own information. It's off 
the record, I swear. This schoolteacher, 
this Linda Book.” 
What about her?" 

“You sure come a Jot with her, don't 
you?” 

"What's it your business?” Gold an- 
swered icily. 

“You hardly cver come at all with the 
one you're going to marry.” 


With a saddened, meaningful look, 
Greenspan replaced his hat. “You're a 
shonda to your race.” 

‘And you, Greenspan, are a credit to 
yours, Will you be in Acapulco? What 
should 1 do if I get in trouble: 

“You can talk to the wall. 

Gold fell into a mood of melancholy 
introspection the moment he was alone. 
For a prudent man, he was reckless. For 
а sane one, he was mad. Gold needed по 

nner voice to tell him he was courting 
trouble. All his life he had hated trouble. 
All his life he had been afraid of failing. 
Now, it seemed, he was distressed he 
might succeed. 


P 

What could go wrong? asked Sid. 
Gold could easily foretell as he left the 
elevator at the gym and turned toward 
the locker room. To begin with, there 
was that clectrifying flash of lecherous 
attraction between him and the Mexican 
television actress that erupted on first 
sight on the tarmac of the airfield in 
Mexico City when they were wai 
with Andrea for the connecting 
bearing Linda from Houston, and which 


burned in plain view like phosphorous 
with a fragrant, steaming brilliant heat 
that everybody nearby could scent and 
feel. The raw, magnetic force of their 
reciprocated animal desire could not be 
withstood and barely brooked delay. 
With a native quickness for which he 
could never be sufficiently grateful, she 
agreed in a throaty murmur to steal away 
to Acapulco the following day for а 
clandestine tryst with him in the empty 
chamber between the others, while the 
swarthy pilot who was her lover sur- 
veyed him evilly with baleful yellow eyes 
and muttered something ter that 
Gold heard as though in a coma and po- 
litely requested he repeat, 

“The Angel of Death is in the gym 
today,” said Karp the chiropodist а sec- 
ond time from his oracle's perch on his 
low wooden stool in the aisle of lockers 
into which Gold had turned. 

Gold came to a stop, blinking. "What 
are you talking about?" 

“There's a man having a heart attack 
in the main gym upstairs. They're wait- 
ing for the ambulance now.” 

Grimly, Gold continued to his locker, 
determining, as usual, to breast the cryp- 
tic tides of destiny and confront the 
morbid omens. Statistically, he solaced 
himself, the odds against two men drop- 
ping dead of heart attacks in the same 
gym on the same day were weighted 
heavily in his favor, Empirically, the 
harsh truth dawned, the chances were no 
different than ever if one of the men 
already had, and the transportation ar- 
rangements were filled with complica- 
tions that neither Sid nor he could have 
foreseen. Because Linda did have to 
bring the two younger children, she 
traveled directly to Acapulco from New 
York and arrived at the hotel four hours 
before Gold and Andrea, who departed 
from Washington with stops at Houston 
and Mexico City. Or, because she did 
not have to bring the children, she in- 
sisted capriciously that she go on the 
same plane, and Gold found himself in 
transit with her, too, That neither was 
impelled to recognize the other did little 
to case the strain. Or, having cemented 
arrangements for waveling by herself on 
that same flight, she then arrived, as a 
consequence of a late-hour stance of per- 
verse noncooperation by her bellicose 
husband, accompanied by the two chil- 
dren, who fell into a disagreeable funk 
immediately their eyes, with shattering 
disappointment, alighted on Gold. In 
seconds, he was unmanned by the degrad- 
ing need for treating the encounter as 
circumstantial, their previous acquaint- 
anceship as slight and entirely profes- 
sional, and the independent selection by 
both vacationing partics of the same 
plane for the same distant hotel as, in- 
deed, a most extraordinary occurrence. 

(continued on page 242) 


IF YOU'RE EVER INVITED to a sauna in 
Finland, don't be startled by ropes of 
limp sausages hanging from the rafters, 
It may seem like a shtick from a Marx 
Brothers film at first, but it's an old 
Finnish custom. When man and sausage 
are thoroughly steamed, both emerge 
from the sauna and the former gobbles 
the latter, sluicing it down with beer or 
cold schnapps. 

Sausages are the universal nosh, generic 


BY 
EMANUEL 
GREENBERG 


from andovillettes to 
yachtwurst, the once lowly 
links have risen to become 
favorite nosh 


ILLUSTRATION BY WAYNE MCLOUGHLIN. 


to every cuisine, culture and country. 
The ancient Spartans, not otherwise 
known for their joie de vivre, raffishly 
suspended sausages from the ceilings of 
their eating clubs. Young blades would 
catch the loukanika in their teeth as they 
strolled by and snap off a mouthful. 
Look, Ma—no hands! Portuguese fado 
houses offer spicy red lingüiça flamed 
іп bagachera, the pungent, native marc. 
"Тһе spirit is (continued on page 196) 


modern living 


By BROCK YATES 


unique among auto makers, go-it-alone colin chapman produces 
formidable racing machines and exquisite sports cars 


From left to right, $75,000 worth of Lotus wheels: the four-seat 
Elite, the two-seat Esprit S2 and the two-plus two Eclat. 


He lives in baronial seclusion in a small northern Italian city, 
where the multiple dramas of his life have unfolded. The other, 
30 years his junior, is at the height of his powers in a field of endeavor 
that soon will leave him the only pure, classically complete automobile 
manufacturer on the face of the earth. 

The old man is Enzo Ferrari, Il Commendatore of the vast, legend- 
laden automobile works that bears his name and his adopted crest, the 
flying horse of Maranello. The younger is Anthony Colin Bruce Chapman, 
renowned design genius and impresario of Lotus Cars Limited of 
Norwich, England. The men are unique in a world where cars are almost 
exclusively conceived and manufactured by committees and where 
vehicular distinction is being washed away in a sea of government 
regulation and mass-production practicalities. The age of the cookie-cutter 
car is upon us, making the presence of men such as Ferrari and Chapman 
even more visible, because they alone carry the heritage of the purist car 


Т Wo REMAIN. One is the patriarch of his craft and а national hero. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY BARON WOLMAN 


2% 


PLAYBOY 


156 


еге шап whose personality 
dominates the products that issue from 
his factory. 

In the beginning, it was all that way. 
Benz, Daimler, Renault and Peugeot 
built automobiles from whole cloth, ac- 
cording to their own hard notions about 
everything from how many cylinders 
their cars’ engines should have to how the 
cowling should be curved to how the ad- 
vertising should read. They were part 
engineers, part technological artisans, 
and from their exclusive ranks came the 
likes of Ettore Bugatti, Vincenzo Lancia, 
the Duesenberg brothers, Messrs. Rolls 
and Royce, whose best efforts were as 
much 20th Century art forms as they were 
transportation devices. 

‘The Great Depression and the Great 
War that followed ended most of those 
alliances of art and technology. Those 
pioneers who survived were for the most 
part swept away by modern economic 
realities and the hard truth that lay in 
the common-parts bins of mass produc- 
tion. Ferdinand Porsche, racked by con- 
flict and imprisonment following the 
war, hung on until his death in 1952. His 
eldest son persists but has been forced to 
align his company with the Volkswagen 
conglomerate in order to ensure its sur- 
vival. Even Ferrari, now in his 80th year, 
has had to seek financial refuge under 
the massive umbrella of Fabbrica Italiana 
Automobili Torino (Fiat). And that, ina 
sense, leaves Colin Chapman and 
Lotus cars as the sole survivors. To be a 
classic automotive impresario, the follow- 
ing qualifications should be met: (1) The 
individual must control all aspects of his 
operation, including finance, design, en- 
gineering and marketing; (2) his products 
must use their own specially created com- 
ponents and not engines, chassis, ctc., 
purchased from other vendors; (3) he 
must carry his marque into battle in ma- 
jor motorsports compctition. 

At present, only Ferrari and Chapman 
begin to fit the parameters. And now, as 
Il Commendatore slips deeper into the 
thick mists of legend and his company 
becomes a more solidly integrated di 
sion of Fiat, only Chapman and his band 
of English ins remain. 

Chapman is doing beautifully. His 
three outré passenger cars are selling at a 
profitable rate and 1978 saw his brilliant 
JPS79 Grand Prix car dominate Formula 
1 competition for Lotus while carrying 
one of his drivers (Mario Andretti) to a 
th World Drivers’ Championship in 
20 years of competition. 

This Jean, rather aloof man drifted 
into the automobile business with a civil 
engineer's degree, earned at the Univer- 
sity of London in 1945. It is said that in 
1949, he borrowed £25 from his then- 
fiancée, present-wife Hazel in order to 
fabricate his first car. Optimistically 
dubbed the Mark I, it was a much- 


chopped and Icaned-down 1930 Austin 
Seven saloon intended for competition in 
smalltime amateur trials. During that 
postwar period, England was swarming 
with motor-sports activity and it seemed 
that behind every closed garage door, 
some form of tiny racing car was being 
welded up from steel tubing and various 
passenger-car bits. 

Chapman's first machines were fabri- 
cated for himself, on a purely part-time 
basis, while he tried to build a future in 
the engincering department of British 
Aluminium, Then, in 1952, he created 
the Mark 6, a cleverly designed sports 
racing car that could be purchased in kit 
form and would accommodate a number 
of small-displacement power plants, in- 
cluding the 1100-c.c. converted fire-pump 
engine built by Coventry Climax. Over 
100 Mark 6s were built, turning Chapman 
into a veritable manufacturing titan in the 
British cottage industry of motor racing. 

He quit British Aluminium in 1955 to 
enter the car business full time and made 
his first major splash two years later with 
a vastly improved version of the Mark 6 
called the Mark 7. This lean, lithe little 
roadster, with its tubular frame and im- 
pertinent fiberglass front fenders, was an 
instant hit; and before production ceased 
16 years later, over 3000, in various per- 
mutations, had been sold. Modified ver- 
sions of the 7 and the super 7 are 
still being raced and a small English 
company is now manufacturing replicas. 
In 1958, Chapman had grown sufficiently 
to enter his first Lotus in Grand Prix 
competition. It was a front-engine design 
built on the verge of the massive revolu- 
tion that was to see all racing cars carry 
their power ts behind the driver in a 
"mid-engine" configuration. The car was 
not successful, prompting the Mark 18 
two seasons later. This automobile was a 
pyrotechnic display of. Chapman's engi- 
neering genius. Gossamer light and 
dainty, with a masterfully supple inde- 
pendent suspension system, the Mark 18 
brought Chapman his first Grand Prix vic- 
tory (the 1960 Monaco Grand Prix, Stir- 
ling Moss driving). That year brought an 
added bonus. A Mark 18 driver rose out 
of the Formula Junior ranks who was 
marked for stardom. His quiet, reflective 
nature dovetailed perfectly with Chap- 
man's basic reticence. He was a smallis 
round-faced Scotsman named Jim Clark. 

Before Clark died against a stout Ger- 
man tree trunk on April 7, 1968, he and 
Шаршап formed опе of the most en- 
during relationships in the history of 
motor sports. By the time this 32-year-old 
superstar dicd so suddenly—and so mys- 
teriously—on the rain-swept Hockenheim 
Ring. he had won 24 Grand Prix races 
for Lotus, a number of major sports-car 
events and the 1965 Indianapolis 500. 
Two world championships (1963 and 
1965) had come to him at the wheels of 


the bright green, cigar-shaped Lotus cars. 
Yet Clark's death renewed the single 
blight that Chapman has carried through 
his career: that in his search to pare un- 
necessary weight from his vehicles, he has 
sacrificed durability and strength. He 
had once been quoted as observing that 
the perfect racing car was the one that 
fell apart as it crossed the finish line (im- 
plying that the optimum design was one 
that was so spare that it fulfilled its engi- 
neering intent and nothing more). 

He pressed on, following the loss of hi 
friend and ace driver. A month later, h 
brilliant Mark 56s appeared at Indian- 
apolis—four-whecl-drive turbine-powered 
wonders that were finally banned because 
they threatened to make every other car 
at the track obsolete, 

Behind him were such classic passenger 
cars as the pretty Mark 14 fiberglass Flite 
coupe (1959) and the Mark 26 Elan road- 
ster, probably the finest-handling sports 
car of its timc. Chapman was also credit 
ed with the epochal Mark 25 Grand Prix 
саг, the first fully monocoque modern 
racing car and a car that not only won 
25 Grand Prix races but revolutionized 
motorsports design philosophies. In 
1966, he moved to the small village of 
Hethel, near Norwich, building his fac- 
tory beside a World War Two American 
B-17 base once commanded by movie star 
Jimmy Stewart. 

As passenger-car production flourished, 
Chapman's Formula 1 machines brought 
the world championship to Graham Hill 
in 1968 and to the brash Austrian Jochen 
Rindt in 1970. But Rindt’s victory was 
again torn by strife and sadness. After he 
clinched the title, he fatally crashed his 
Lotus in practice for the Italian Grand 
Prix at Monza and, once again, cruel 
allegations about Chapman's weak auto- 
mobiles slugged at his conscience. He per- 
sisted, developing the excellent Lotus 72 
that carried Brazilian Emerson Fittipaldi 
to the title in 1972. 

It was during that period that Chap- 
man and engineering director Tony Rudd. 
(a brilliant engineer and team manager 
for the onceglorious BRM racing opera- 
tion) perfected the first legitimate Lotus 
. Theretofore, he had em- 
ployed engines purchased from other 
manufacturers and modified for special 
ations. But the new type 907 
engine, first announced in 1971, was pure 
Lotus. It was an all-aluminum, twin-over- 
head-cam, I6-valve, four-cylinder engine of 
impressive compactness and light weight. 
Despite a relatively low compression ratio 
(8.7 to a» the 907 generated 140 horsc- 

versions were sold to Jen- 
sen for use in it: Jensen-Healey sports 
car, but it was widely accepted that the 
907 would become the basic engine for a 
whole new line of cars from Lotus. 

The first model appeared in 1974 as 

(concluded on page 258) 


"If you really loved me, you'd close your eyes when you kissed me.” 


157 


158 


photographer j. frederick smith found 
debra jo a lensman's dream. we could have told him that 


ONCE MORE 
WITH FONDREN 


he is Debra Jo Fondren, PLAYBOY'S 24-year-old Playmate of the Year. He is J. Frederick Smith, 61 years old and one of 
the country’s best-known glamor photographers. When they met at Smith's New York studio, the rapport was instant. 
Debra Jo had been traveling hard during the past year, being photographed by amateurs and professionals a thousand 
times and taking part in hundreds of PLaysoy promotions. "Its been an extraordinary year for me," Debra told us. 
“Tve learned a lot and 1 think it’s prepared me well for the future. It's been an education trying to make do in strange cities, 
meeting people, running for planes. I'll really hate to give up my title.” We hate to sec her go, too. "That's why we arranged. 
one final pictorial salute during her reign. And Smith was the logical choice to do the honors. (text concluded on page 166) 


Our Playmate of the Year found photographer J. Frederick Smith a joy 
to work with and it shows. “He's a strong, dynamic person, and yet he can be very gentle. He keeps his models supplied 
with food and wine, on the theory that ‘а full tummy makes for a happy model." " 


Debra praises Smith's choice of props: "He's very imaginative. He likes to use old clothes, 
the kind you'd wear at home. Old clothes are very sensuous and easy to move in." 


Debra Jo's future is cur- 
rently up in the air, 

"I'm. being pulled every 
which way." The good 
meus is you haven't seen 
the last of Ms. Fondren. 
She intends to move to 
California, take some act- 
ing classes and attack the 
world of films and com- 
mercials. The bad news: 
She'll probably cut her 
hair—to elbow length— 
because, as she says, “It 
throws off my balance; 
I'm not very graceful 
with it this long.” She's 
already done enough 
screen tests to assure her 
she’s got marketable 
talent and has recently 
hired an agent. Inany 
event, she’s as charming 
as ever, jogs three miles 

a day and gets to bed by 
ten P.M. Hmm, just ап 
old-fashioned girl. 


Smith has photographed 
many of the world’s 

most beautiful women, 
but he was especially 
enthusiastic about Debra 
Jo. “She seems to have 
no hang-ups. She was 
very professional, totally 
uncomplicated and 
followed directions to 
the letter. People don’t 
realize that a good model 
is fantastically talented. 
Her work is nol the 
same as acting, because 
I'vc shot actresses and 
they don’t necessarily 
make good models. It's 
an intangible quality.” 


166 


He began his professional career at the age of 
19 as an illustrator for such then-prestigious 
publications as The Saturday Evening Post, 
Colliers and American Magazine. Then, in 
1956, he moved to Vogue magazine—as a pho- 
tographer. Smith's association with PLAYBOY 
started about 12 years ago and has resulted 
in many memorable pictorials—among them 
Mondays Child and Sappho. He considers 
himself a "picture maker rather than a pho- 
tographer,” and says he tries to create an 
environment and then lets the model act out. 
her fantasies. “I'm а sentimentalist; I love 
women and I believe in mystery. You need a 
little mystery to have romance.” The fruit of 
his session with Debra Jo is a fitting tribute to 
one of our best-loved Playmates, showing her in 
a light delightfully different from her previous 
appearances here. It just leaves us wondering 
why we didn’t pair Debra Jo and J. Fred a lot 
sooner than we did. 


Smith says unabashedly, “I am a romantic, 
and I guess that’s my style. You 

won't find a hunk of steel in ату of m 
photos.” Debra appreciated that арртоаш b 
saying simply, “He made me feel loved.” 


“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...” 


TOM BROWN was one of the most noted 
of the Grub Street hacks in 17th Centu 
London. This was the first group of w 
ers who lived by 
they lived perilously by writing scam 
ous journalism, satires, polemics, verses 
and translations. Brown was a reckless 
man, debtridden, heavy-drinking, some- 
times jailed, yet he was one of the best- 
known translators of his day, doing 
Latin, French and Spanish works into 
English—among them the Colloquies of 
Erasmus and Cervantes! Don Quixote. 


An Epitaph upon the Charming Peggy 


Under this marble, Peggy lies, 
Who did so often spread her thighs, 
And made Philander's cow 


This morsel of delicious lust, 
That kissed with so sincere a gust, 
Is now resolved to common dust. 


Her hands (forgive me if I'm blunt) 
Will now no more, as they were wont, 
Pilot love's sailors to her cunt. 


Her limbs, that used to move so nice, 
And taste love's pleasures in a trice, 
Are now, alas! as cold as ice. 


To tell the truth as short as can be, 
She killed herself with drinking brandy, 
And all for her dear jack-a-dandy. 


Thus did our charming nymph expire, 
According to her hearts desire, 
And, as she lived, she died by fire. 


Hector, my dog, of thee I beg 
Not to forget the illustrious Peg, 
But o'er her tomb lift up thy leg. 


This tribute's to her ashes duc, 
Whose loss ten thousand youth: 
And so, immortal Peg, adi 


will rue; 


The Claret Drinker’s Song; or, The 
Good Fellow's Design, 1684 


A pox of this fooling and plotting of late, 

What a pother and stir hath it kept in 
the stat 

Let the rabble run mad with suspicion 
and fears, 

Let "em scuffle and jar till they 
the cars; 


all by 


Their grievances shall never trouble my 
pate, 

So that 1 can enjoy my dear bottle in 
qu 


would 


What coxcombs were those tl 
father ux case, 

And their necks for a toy, a thin wafe 
and mass, 

At old Tyburn they never have needed 


Had they been true subjects to drink and 
their King. 
A friend and a bottle is 


I my design, 
Tt has no room for treason that's top full 
of wine, 


I mind not the Members, nor makers of 
Jaws, 

Let ‘em fit and prorogue as his Majesty 
please. 

ГИ drink in defiance of gibbet and 
halt 

This is the profession that never will 
alter. 


The Old Fumbler, a song 


Smug, rich, and fantastic, old Fumbler 


known 


IGUSTRATIONS BY BRAO HOLLAND 


Ribald Classic 


That wedded a brisk, juicy girl of the 

town, 

Her face like an angel, fair, plump, and 
a maid, 

Her lute well in tune too, could he but 
have played; 

But, lost was his skill, let him do what 
he can, 

She finds him in bed a weak, silly, old 
man. 

He coughs in her ear, "t 
oi 

‘orgive me my dear, I'm a silly old 

man." 


s in vain to come 


She laid his dry hand on her snowy, 
soft breast, 

And from those white hills gave a glimpse 
of the best. 

But ah! what is age when our youth’s but 
a span? 

She found him an infant instead of a man. 

“Ah! Pardon,” he'd cry, "that I'm weary 
so soon 

You have let down my bass; I'm no 
longer in tune, 

Lay by the dear instrument, prithee lic 
still, 

I can play but onc lesson, and that 1 


play ill.” 


The Poet's Condition 


Without formal petition 

Thus stands my condition: 

Iam closely blocked up in a garret, 

Where 1 scribble and smoke, 

And sadly invoke 

‘The powerful assistance of claret. 

Four children and a wife, 

is hard on my life, 

Beside myself and а muse, 

To be all clothed and fed, 

No the times are so dead, 

By my scribbling of doggerel and news. 

And what I shall do, 

Fm a wretch if I know, 

So hard is the fate of a poet. 

T must cither turn rogue, 

Or, what's as bad, pedagogue, 

And so drudge like a man of no wit. 

My levee's all duns, 

Attended by bums, 

And my landlady, too, she's a teaser. 

At least four times а day 

She warns me away, 

And what can a man do to please her? 

Here's the victualer and vinter, 

The cook and the printer, 

With their myrmidons hovering about, 
sir; 

The tailor and draper, 

And the cur that sells paper, 

So, in short, I dare not stir out, si 

But my books, sure, must go 

(My master, Ovid's, did so) 

And you see how doleful the case is. 

I I don't move your pi 

"Then make short of my ditty— 

"Twill serve you to wipe your arses. 


[y | 169 


Introducing the 
The new look 


The new Saab 900 series. Advanced technology 
fused to stirring design creates new and superior per- 
formance automobiles. 

The new Saab 900 series. Longer, sleeker Saab 
cars. But increasing length wasn't for looks alone. 
Their longer wheelbase is integrated with a new 
steering system and suspension geometry for better 
handling. Add fuel injection, front wheel drive, rack 
and pinion steering. The result? Truly astonishing 
performance. Even for the world acclaimed Saab. 

The new Saab 900 series. Introduces an innovative 
asymmetrical instrument panel. Controls are practi- 


cally equidistant from the driver’s hands. Gone for- 
ever is searching and fumbling. 

The new Saab 900 series. Even the air inside the 
car hasn't been overlooked. Because Saab engineers 
have designed a unique fresh air filter that keeps out 
all airborne pollen. 

These are just a few of the examples of how the 
eye-catching 900 series has become the new look of 
performance. To appreciate the complete excite- 
ment, test drive one of the new 900's at your Saab 
dealer. The new look of performance will be a driving 
revelation. 


THE SAAB 900 SERIES 


m а ; 
PR CT тағ”. а = ^ 
+ Er = Y 

bats у - 81 کی‎ ~~ —— à 585 
Рът шенік @ a= 


тала АТУ АЕ neni im ies TURBO 3-DO RC cud 
THE COMMAND PERFORMANCE CARS. 


hi-fi manufacturers have gotten it all together. 


Below left, top to bottom: Five U. S. Pioneer components 
include оп RT-707 reel-to-reel tape deck thot fectures 
automatic reverse ond a direct-drive motor, $695; Model 
CT-FI000 stereo cassette deck that takes oll types of 
tapes, $650; с Model ТХ-950011 AM/FM stereo tuner 
with standard knob tuning and output level control, $450; 
а SPEC-1 stereo preamp, $650, and a SPEC-4 stereo pow- 
er amplifier that puts out 150 watts per channel, plus left 
‘ond right speaker volume controls and meters, $795; all 
housed in a JA-R2S tempered-steel and vinyl hi-fi rack, 
$395, including rack adopters for the tuner ond cassette 
deck. Below right: Four state-of-the-art hi-fi components, 
all by Sansui, include о Model SR-838 direct-drive quartz 
servo lock turntable, $440; a Model SC-3110 stereo 
cassette deck, $500,a Model TU-717 AM/FM stereo tuner, 
$370; and a Mode! AU-717 stereo amplifier, $550; all 
shelved in о GX-5 component rack, also by Sansui, $250. 


BLUE-CHIP 
STACKS 


modern living 


INE BIGGEST PROBLEM you face after you've 
bought a truly top-flight stereo system is 
where you are going to put all the equip- 
ment. Because receivers, amps, preamps, tape decks, 
tuners, and so forth, have to breathe, you can’t just 
stack those mothers on top of one another. The 
alternative, of course, is to put them next to one 
another on a shelf, but when you're talking about 
as much equipment as we are, that can eat up an 


there ате now storage racks for components and more compact 


Below left, top to bottom: Try these Marantz components 
on for sound, beginning with the Model 6270Q direct- 
drive turntcble that features а quartz-lock system, $320, 
that’s above the following: а Model 2130 quartz-lock 
AM/FM tuner with a built-in oscilloscope for locating 
optimum reception, $600; Model 3250B preamp that 
includes а tape monitor, sound-contour control setup and 
а lot more, $350; Model 300DC power amplifier that 
puts out 190 watts per channel and features dual peak 
meters for multiple monitoring, $725; and a Model 5030B 
stereo cassette deck that incorporates a Dolby Noise Re- 


duction System and has ferrichrome tape capabilities, 
$470. All the units are housed in Marantz’ RM 3100 rack 
system that holds up to four Marantz components and has 
wolnut-grained vinyl-veneer side panels, $2B0—and 
there's plenty of room for а turntable on top of it, too. 


with ear-boggling sound 


Below: Scientific Audio Electronics’ (SAE) seven state-of- 
the-art stereo components include an 8000 FM digital 
tuner, $700; Model 21001. integrated preamplifier with 
LED level display, $800; Model 2800 Parametric Equaliz- 
er that provides maximum flexibility in tone control, 
$600; Model 5000 Impulse Noise Reduction System, 
$225; Model 2200 amplifier that delivers 100 мой per 
channel, $500, is hooked up via a Model 4000 electronic 
crossover, $225, to с Model 2400L amplifier that puts 
out 200 watts per channel, $850. All the components are 
held in SAE's C-10 rack, which stands 60” high, $650. 


Below, left to right: That good-looking tall 
speaker with the slanted configuration is 
JBL’s Model 1220, which employs three driv- 
ers and а passive radiator to bring you 
terrific low-distortion bass response; smooth, 
blended crossover performance between in- 
dual speakers is achieved by а fre- 
quency-dividing network that incorporates 
impedance leveling and phase-correcting 
circuitry, $875 each. In the middle is The 
Braun Model L-1030, a three-way acoustic 
suspension speaker characterized by extreme- 
ly low distortion, high-power handling capac- 
ity end on- exceptionally flat frequency 
response over the entire oudio range, $479. 
Next to it is B.E.S./s Model D190w speaker, 
which is only 334" thick yet puts out a 360- 
degree dispersion of sound, about $649 each. 


enormous amount of space. Besides, one 
of the joys of top-of-the-line equipment 
is to have total access to all the wiring all 
the time, to tinker with the hookups and 
modify the arrangements. Now for the 
good news Hifi manufacturers have 
come up with a solution that recording 
studios and radio stations have enjoyed 
for years and made it available to the 
general public. By stacking the equip- 
ment and having the housing on casters, 
the devoted hi-fi buff can have the most 
amount of stuff in the least amount of 
space. Unfortunately, these stacking racks 
can accommodate only equipment manu- 
factured by the rack’s maker, so in order 
to enjoy this innovation, you may have 
to change your present system. But that 
may not be so bad, considering what's 
being offered here. Also, check out the 
new crop of stereo speakers. Designers 
have offered more options in speaker sizes 
to help you out on space. The new thin- 
line speakers can deliver an enormous 
amount of sound while occupying only 
a few inches of depth. Some now even 
stack. Some can vaporize your neighbors. 


Below left: The Arroy, Qysonic Reseorch's 
latest speaker, features а revolutionary 
Laminor Flow Vent construction that, in con- 
junction with the olignment of a pair of 
units, creates a bass response that one 
would ordinarily expect only from a model 
costing much more, $479 each. At center is 
BML's Tracer Model, a handsome speaker in 
which the crossover network has been com- 
pletely eliminated, thus reducing the phase 
distortion ordinorily coused by the use of 
capacitors and resistors, about $349.95 each. 


nn 


Above right: That big fellow measuring 76” 
x 26" x 3%" is B.E.S.'s Model D280w; its spe- 
cifics ore the same as B.E.S. Model D190w pic- 
tured on the opposite page, except, here, 
twice the sound modules have been added 
to double your listening pleasure, $997 eoch. 


PLAYBOY 


176 


SIX IN CHICAGO 


(continued from page 126) 


“In Chicago, most of the women are looking for mar- 


riage, love or security, or all three. 


دوو 


music have been known to go there, rip 
off their sweaty clothes and fuck under 
the moonlight. 


SINGLES 


Once you leave the lake froi 
Chicago can be downright expe 
local magazine art director, with ample 
experience bedding women in Chicago 
well as on. both co 
town's unique romantic ambience this 
way: 

In Chicago, 
looking for marr 
all thr Therefore, what's. considered 
attractive about a man here is entirely 
different from what L.A. women consider 
attractive. In L.A.. influence is impor- 
tant. A guy who knows a casting director 
or a producer personally can get a lot of 
women, even if he's flat broke. But in 
Chicago, knowing Steven Spielbe 
be e is much less sexy than m 
i figures as a used-car d 
ires as a lawyer or 


ng bic 


doctor is even sexier.” 

То be à mover in C 
to wear well-cut clothes, have his 
just right, drive the best damn car he сап 
lord, be prepared to buv endless drinks 
at two dollars per and. if he's smart, be 
able to offer as a last-ditch enticement a 
dab of cocaine. When these expenses are 

lded up. it is obvious that only the well- 
heeled can survive the sexual wars, 

Money is the c not only of white 
realm but of black 
go's as well. Tyrone, a handsome 
29-year-old West Side black whose income 


icigo, a man has 


а 


ceed 511,090, has 1: rough time com- 
peting with the growing number of 
young men earning 530,000 and up on 
ihe ively afluent South Side. He 
paints an extremely u ic picture 
of moneys aphrodis power over 
k women. 
y n I've met is money-con- 
scious. And if the sister's got her own 
job, her standards are even higher. She 


m 
ical 


ound in à BMW, and 
happened here is you got a num- 
ber of brothers who've gott 
ten into some big money, a 
they dashin’ it on the creamies. 
creamies done got spoilt. Don't w 
have nothin’ to do with a dude that ain't. 
got no money." 

This is not just heartless gold digging 
but the values of the neighborhood 
at work again, those prehistoric laws that 


dictate that а woman should grant her 
favors to only the best possible provider. 
Certainly, not all of Chicago's young 
single women are looking for a husband; 
but many select their partners, if only for 
a night, as though they were. It's the 
Darwinian dance of natural selection. 
‘The dance reaches its peak in Near 
North Side singles bars and discos, and 
is scen in its archetypal purity at Faces, 
the city's one truly famous disco at 940 
North Rush Street. Faces 37-year-old 
creator and part owner, gaunt 
mustachioed Jay Emerich, und 
the ground rules for the Chicago dance 
and has a profi ty to the 
req irements for 
Faces is the pri 


ts setting. 
vate club in Chicago. It 
costs $800 for a year’s membership 

0 to renew. A drew code (no j 
work shirts, gym shoes or sandals) is 
strictly enforced. The kinds of people 
who make Faces the high-energy it 
is are not so much famous as they arc 
wealthy and/or powerful Executives 
from the network stations and young 
local realestate tycoons go there. You 
don't find many steelworkers there, nor 
shoe salesmen, Emerich sees to it. 

Sure I discriminate," he admits. "I 
look at the membership application 
cards, check the professions. I want only 
the cream of Chicago's singles. This is a 
private club and new members can only 
come in if they're sponsored by an old 
one. 

Right now, with a membership of 5500, 
Faces has a moratorium on new mem- 
average male Faces 
member is 35, the average female is six 
or seven years younger. The women— 
models, secretaries. designers, моге buy- 
ers, divorcees and not a few high-priced 
callgirls—look as if they just stepped out 
of the pages of Mademoiselle or Vogue. 
They are perhaps the most beautiful and 
fashionable young women in Chicago: 
the men are unquestionably among the 
most desirable bachelors. Here, sex is a 
highstakes game, played with cer 
ground rules. 

“The women who go to Faces, 
1-year-old lawyer who's been a member 
for four like to watch a guy for 
a while before they'll sleep with him. 
Sometimes you eyeball each other for 
year on the dance floor before you 
get it on. Of course, it usually doesn't 
ke that long if she’s interested. Some- 
times they'll pick you up, which is actu- 
ally just flirting until you ask her out. 
Then, if you're smart, you do nothing 


but talk the first date. Just talk. Don't 
even touch her except for a goodnight 
kiss. Act like you've got other things on 
your mind. Almost always, if there's а 
second date, she sleeps with you 

Probably the only disco where the 
smell of sex hangs more heavily in the 
air th it does at Faces is the B.B.C., 
t State and. 
s merely 
s crowd is 


rally a bit poorer than the crowd at 
ten y Ider. But the 
t B.B.C. 


-olds 


thei 
ready make decent mi 
enough to have four- to five 
ments complete with 

systems and а 
mostly 


эт apart- 
excellent sterco 
nice stash. The women, 
e teens and early 20s, 
ries, students 
owd at 
ly cooking until 


n th 
most all clerks. secret 


alter midnight and goes on to four 
AM. most habitués of B.B.C.. particu- 
larly the women, work nine to fives. So 


moves аге necessarily quicker. less subtle 
than at Faces, B.B.C.'s sexual reality is 
rellected in the enforced loose dress code 
and the twodollar door charge. There's 
no time for a seven-course relationship 
at B.B.C. It's a quick lunch. The volume 
of the music, louder than at апу other 
disco in Chicago, drowns out conversa- 
tion, so everybody has no choice but to 
communicate with his her body. 
e likely to leave immediately 
with a man they like rather than go 
through the whole evening doing the 
okee-doke. And they're more likely to 
respond to the Sylvester Stallone ap- 
proach than the David Niven. 
just as most of Chicago's discos are 
located within a six-block radius of North 
Rush, so are nearly all of its singles bars. 
They line Division Street for а block 
and west of Rush. On Friday and S 
day nights, literally thousands of people 
may wander in and out of all of them in 
search of that magic eye contact. IL 
movable crowd, if not а movable feast. 
The four he rs, in order 
of heat, ате She-N ns, which has 
gradually eclipsed the legendary Butch 
McGuire's, P.S. СІ and Wood 
H Because the 
among all the bars, one c 
that of them has a distinct cli 
Playboy's Chicago Telephone Survey 
revealed. that 30 percent of the people 
who had been to singles bars had gotten 
lucky. An informal survey, conducted by 
the writer, supported this finding. Only 
about a third of the women sleep with 
men they leave with the first night. схе 
cept for Saturday night, “desperation 
night," when maybe four out of ten de 
(continued on page 206) 


or 


article By REG POTTERTON тл the twilight zone between tourist season and hurricane 
season, sailors gather in antigua to drink for nothing, fondle women and borrow money 


ALL SAILORS HAVE at one time or another thought that, on 
the whole, sinking is probably the best thing that can hap- 
pen to a boat. Only while still afloat can it drive ordinary 
people insane, and maim and kill. It is difficult to love a 
boat that leaks all over your bunk when it rains or that 
diverts the ship's sewage into the food lockers. Boats have 
been known to do those things and worse. This is not a 
true romance. It is not romantic to be running before the 


wind into a nasty, unfamiliar harbor at night, in fog and 
against a foul tide, surrounded by oil tankers, with an en- 
gine that has just died and a mainsail stuck halfway up the 
mast. Some people would say that the feeling you get, once 
you've made it inside the harbor and are safely anchored, 
might be described as romantic, but it is not; it is just 
simple relief, magnified a million times over. Most sailors 
would agree that one of the best things about sailing is 


ILLUSTRATION BY IGNACIO GOMEZ 


PLAYBOY 


when it stops and you find you're still 
there. But it is by no means the best 
thing. 

If it were not for the unfortunate fact 
that living on land makes people genu- 
ely crazy, perhaps sailors wouldn't go 
to sea, or at least they'd stay on land 
longer. But the landbound life is а prob- 
lem: It tends to confuse pcople vith its 
traffic lights and politics. There is noth- 
ing confusing about the sca. It is very 
complicated, but not confusing. 

. 

The island of Antigua lies just below 
the northern end of the Leeward and 
Windward Islands, a curving archipelago 
that forms the boundary between the 
Adantic Ocean and the Caribbean Sea. 
Antigua was once a British island, the 
site of a great naval base for almost 100 
years of uninterrupted warfare between 
European powers for naval supremacy in 
the Caribbean during the 18th Century. 
As everyone knows, the British, who will 
do anything to avoid speaking a foreign 
langage, сате out on top, which meant 
they got Africa ia and 
—at least until the Americans (who 
y liked the game at first) thought up 
an entirely different game with guns and 
slog: t, all of which meant a busy 
time for everyone employed in and 
around the Royal Navy's Leeward Islands 
Station, Northern Division, English Har- 
bour, Antigua. 

In Saint Johns, the capital of Antigua, 
there are strects named after Admirals 
Rodney, Hood and Nelson, three lege 
ary figures from naval history. Nelson 
himself served at English Harbour for 
three years as captain of a 28-gun frigate. 
Many years later, as Admiral of the Fleet, 
he anchored briefly off Saint Johns in his 
еріс pursuit of the French Несі from 
Europe. Learning that it had already 
gone back the way it came, Nelson took 
off after it, a one-eyed, onearmed man 
leading 12 lines of battleships on an- 
other 3000-mile chase across the Atlantic, 
all the way to Cape Trafalgar on the 
Spanish coast, where Nelson was killed, 
winning. In the bar of the Admiral's Inn, 
which used to be the lead cellar and engi- 
neers’ offices, is a portrait of Nelson: He 
looks out on the rowdy goings on beneath 
him, the drinking, the laughter and the 
talk about boats, and he seems to have an. 
expression of serene detachment on his 
face, possibly because someone else is 
picking up the check. 

The British hung on in English Har- 
bour until 1899, by which time canvas 
had given way to the propeller and ships 
were getting too big to negotiate the 
entrance. So the navy abandoned the 
dockyard and sailed off to practice for 
World War One. The place lay dere- 
lict for the next 50 years. The occasional 


178 yachtsman might stumble onto it and 


think he was in some kind of sailing 
heaven, wandering around the silent 
buildings, seeing the great cannons that 
had been stuck into the docks to act as 
bollards and hearing the humming of the 
wind in the rafters of the copper and 
lumber store. Over the years, people 
carted away some stone and brick to 
build houses in the adjacent villages, and 
a few roofs caved in, but much of it stood 
up. Now restored and revived, it is again 
a fully functioning dockyard for sailing 
vessels, а good place to take your yacht 
when you break it. 

And for the past 11 years, Nelson’s 
Dockyard, as it is now known, has pro- 
vided the background for an event that 
may well be the greatest annual celebra- 
tion in the sailing world today, Antigua 
Race Week. It is officially known as 
Antigua Sailing Week, but only to off- 
cials. Serious critics of the ocean-racing 
scene, whom nobody takes seriously, hav 
objected that Race Week is nothing but 
a nonstop party, while others have in- 
sinuated that the founders of the event 
were a notorious gang of shifty castaways 
whose only ambition was to promote а 
yearly binge at which they could drink 
for nothing, fondle women and borrow 
money—scandalous allegations that have 
hardly any basis in fact. 

Everybody knows that Antigua Race 
Week is dedicated to the noblest prin- 
ciples of ocean racing, although it is 
debatable that a sport whose battle cry is 
“Eat shit and die, asshole!” can be de- 
scribed as truly noble. Ocean racing elic- 
its great surges of wild elation and 
ghastly plunges into black misery. It is 
much like war at sea, except that live 
ammunition is banned. 

. 

Race Week is usually held in late 
April or carly May, just before the begin 
ning of the end of the West Indies sailing 
season. Soon, the northeast wade wind 
rts to falter and fade; the wind shifts 
ically to other quarters, the rains 
start, and the islands lose the steady 
breeze of the winter months and occasion: 
ally become hot and uncomfortable in 
the calms. In June, the hurricane season 


bean is not at its best in the 
summer, not for sailors, anyway, some of 
whom have schedules to meet. Charter 
yachts that work winters in the West In- 
dies and summers in the Mediterrancan. 
usually anchor at English Harbour 
‘ound Race Week to get ready for the 
ңе across the Atlantic, to fix engines, 
ils, recruit crew, haul the boat 
out for bottom work, if necessary, and 
stock up with food, fuel and water. Hur 
dreds of boats of all rigs and pedigrees, 
nd from all over the world, arrive to 
prepare for their onward passages. Most. 
of those are privately owned cruising 


yachts, ranging i from the humblest 
28-foot cutter to 75-foot racing cruisers, 
venerable schooners, Baltic traders and 
the occasional Monte Carlo gin palace 
ı helicopter. Nearly all of them will 
leave after Race Weck, some to cri 
elsewhere in the Caribbean, others going 
to Europe, to North or South America or 
through the Panama Canal to the P 

In addition to the charter and private 
boats are the Race Weck celebrities, the 
racing boats. A big, fast ocean-racing 
boat, something around 80 feet, say, and 
driven hard in 20 knots of wind, is like 
an arrow held at full stretch in a taut 
bow, with great stress exerted by the рг 
sure of the sails, through the rigging and 
down to the deck, where, when things go 
wrong, human flesh takes the load; things 
tend to go wrong in a race whenever a 
boat changes a sail or rounds a mark. 

Ocean racing has hours and sometimes 
days and weeks of the purest bliss, when 
the opposition is miles astern, the winds 
are favorable and constant and the seas 
slide away under the hull in a soothing 
hiss of foam. People lie in the sun or 
snooze in the shadow of wind-filled sails 
on days like those. “I wonder," they are 
fond ol saying, "what the rich people are 
doing today?" After Antigua, they sail off 
to the next series of races, which may be 
thousands of miles away. Everyone is get- 
ting ready to go somewhere during Race 
Week. 

‘The week also provides an opportunity 
for “boat niggers,” which is how working 
sailors identify themselves, to run into 
old friends and exchange the garbled ru- 
mor and blatant slander that constitute 
everyday nautical gossip: 


A mercy killing. He pulled out 


the plug in 500 fathoms and rowed 


ashore in the dinghy. They say the insur- 
ance people didn’t bat an eye, paid him 
in full.” 

“John’s looking for a new cook. Leg- 
over Lucy's getting olf.” 

“I heard. He told me she once made 
duck à l'orange in a 50knot gale and 
then screwed six guys for dessert. He'll 
never find a replacement like that." 

"Rags was telling me about some cl 
ter skipper who got drunk ashore and 
stole a horse to swim out to the boat 
with, He tied the horse to a cleat on the 
stern, dimbed aboard and passed out on 
deck, but the horse panicked and tried to 
jump on, too. The owner is asleep with 
h fe, he hears th racket, comes on 
deck, finds his skipper drunk and out of 
it and a horse tying to kick holes in his 
boat, so he gets in the dinghy, gets a line 
on the horse and starts towing it ashore. 
When they get in shallow water, the 
horse feels the bottom, jumps over the 
guy in the dinghy and gallops up 

(continued on page 234) 


r- 


PL AYÊ OY 


| WEMETENDIR 


25 YEARS OF ROCK 
historic hits, hypes & heavies 


ROCK-N-ROLL HEAVEN: They've hung up 
their rockin’ shoes, but the royalties linger on. 


ОРУ 


<< >” 
¢ y y 
ALAN Zü335 | ( 


БАЗ 599.3 ج‎ 
Кете 3417 
331 УНЕ] 
Jud Ass 
39334 DALI 
1 3339 


THE SEALED GUITAR CASE, PLEASE: On OUR FATHER, WHICH ART ON BANDSTAND, J. 


the occasion of rock's 25th birthday, we DICK CLARK BE THY NAME. HOLY JUSTINE, АШЫ gauss 
proudly announce our first (and last) annual PARTNER OF BOB, DANCE FOR US VIEWERS sio 
Chuck Awards. For almost singlehandedly NOW IN THE HOUR OF OUR YOUTH, AMEN. тош Б ДЫН] 
inventing guitar rock, the Gold Chuck goes to n 
Chuck himself. Black-vinyl Chucks (made of жазу ER] 
recycled Sgt. Pepper sound-track returns) iis 39444 
for distinguished service over the long haul a ТОУ 
go to these other bedrock originals: Во دراد‎ ы 
Diddley, Fats Domino, Lloyd Price, Jerry Lee PUL RG I LEN by 
Lewis, Little Richard, Ronnie Hawkins, Carl j Е ; 
Perkins, James Brown, Otis Blackwell, Hark , SHS 3399113 
Ballard, Bill Haley, the Everly Brothers, Lieber ш 331 
and Stoller, Brenda Lee, Ike and Tina Turner Кы, OTT 
and Ray Charles. And spiritual Chucks lo BERT VAST 
those scattered troops who used to be the UO RU Зразу. 
Chords, Clovers, Charms, El Dorados, Nut- ENS und 
megs, Teen Queens, Cadets, Magnificents, SUS 2335517 
Del Vikings, Cheers CONE Penguins, — JAMS JVA 
roles, Ravens, ‚ Edsels, Fleet- nen 
Oroles, Ravens, Cadillacs, Edsels, Fleet JI iis ost 


woods, Heartbeats, Coasters, Monotones, 


Platters, Gladiolas, Capris, Shirelles, Drift- DYA ALLAY 
ers, Spiders, Bees, Jive Bombers, Jive Five, H " n 
Robins, Jesters, Jewels, Five Keys, Videos, GREAT MOMENTS IN ROCK #1: BR'ER БЕНЕЖТНГЕНІЗ 
Skyliners. Silhouettes, Rays, Cuff Links, BRIAN WILSON INVENTS SURFING ОШ SYA 
Charis, Dubs, Dells, Shields, Harptones, MUSIC IN BED; OR, WHO WAS THAT WR PW. 
Jaguars, Fiestas, Flamingos, Spaniels. | ҒАТ SONGWRITER, BIG KAHUNA? LARNNE EMDR] 
851%) MLA HAY g ER 
SING CHEESE: Where would rock be without its Singing Mice? From Alvin and QUE UC Spee 
Theodore (who passed as chipmunks) to Patience and Prudence to Frankie Valli and 51 23315945 
The Four Seasons to Jan and Dean to Lou Christie to one Righteous Brother to those PERENNE: 


all-time platinum mice, the Bee Gees? Where would rock be without them? Where? JOM ТҮ 
39913 595i t 

BUNDENUEEDHRSIER] X 
ыга SM 

ШАША 5А55 FLAUTI 


أ 


MELT MY MIND, MELT MY MIND: Back in 
the Sixties, when the walls were always drip- 
ping and your friends usually turned into 
iguanas at parties, when you got the munch- 
ies, as your doctor could tell you, these were 
the essential food groups: Peanut Butter 
Conspiracy, Moby Grape, Strawberry Alarm 
Clock, Humble Pie, Hot Tuna, Electric Prunes, 
Ultimate Spinach. Lemon Pipers. Raspberries, 
Vanilla Fudge, 1910 Fruitgum Company. 


NICE GUYS DON'T FINISH: For those of you 
who still miss the sweet, sunny, apple- 
cheeked Beatles, this is the ninth anniversary 
of their not getting back together. We'd rather 
salute the nasty old Rolling Stones, who were 
the bad boys working the piss-and-grease 
dark side of the street and have sometimes 
prevailed while enduring, at least. Unlike the 
chickenshit Beatles, they can take it. 


606060 


BEGGING ON MY KNEES, ALL I ASK IS 
PLEASE: Rock wouldn't have been the 
same without those legions who strive with 
dedication to pass their orals and other 
exams with their favorite stars. A zip of the 
platinum zipper to groupies everywhere. 


Sugar Sugar / Тһе Archies 
Feelings / Morris Albert 
1Am Woman / Helen Reddy 
The Taxi / Harry Chapin 
I Write the Songs / Barry Manilow 
American Pie / Don McClean 
A Horse with No Name / America 
People / Barbra Streisand 
Honey / Bobby Goldsboro 
If! Had a Hammer / Trini Lopez 


GREAT MOMENTS IN ROCK #2: 
PEARL BEFORE SWINE 


GREAT MOMENTS IN ROCK #3: A SHORT HISTORY OF JAMES BROWN'S HAIR 


Love is not a gadget, love is not 
atoy. 
— Tears on My Pillow, Little 
Anthony & the Imperials 


It starts with a simple conver- 
sation, like "Daring, please put 
me on trial..." 
—To the Aisle, The Five 
Satins 


My love is bigger than a Cadit- 
lac; | try to show you, but you 
drive me back. 
—Not Fade Away, Buddy 
Holly 


First there is a mountain, then 
there is no mountain, then there 


Есе. 
—There Is а Mouritain, Don- 
ovan 


The human crowd doesnt 
mean shit toa tree. 
—Eskimo Blue Day, Jef- 
ferson Airplane 


I'm stuck on the expressway to 
your heart. 
—Expressway to Your 
Heart, Soul Survivors 


1 love those memories that T 
recall. 
—Those Oldies but 
Goodies, Little Caesar & 
the Romans 


г ена 


GREAT MOMENTS IN ROCK #4: A BOOTLEG 
SHOT FROM THE INFAMOUS “HIDDEN 
THIRD CAMERA” KINESCOPE OF ELVIS 
PRESLEY'S LEGENDARY CENSORED AP- 
PEARANCE ON THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW. 


BRING ON THE CLONES: We're in the final stretch of the Me Decade, right? We want it all. Just because they're dead 
doesn't mean they can't perform for us live. This year, add to the swarm of Elvis androids one burnin’ hunk o' six-year- 
old and a wornan who had plastic surgery the better to resernble the King. Also under the knife for art were verisircil 

tude devotees who emerged as Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin and Jim Croce—on tour with two Elvises as Rock & Roll Heaven. 


MIDDLE EAST DESK— 
EGYPT: THE DEAD 
PLAY THE DEAD. In a 
first-ever fusion of rock 'n' 
roll and Pyramid power as 
a significant force in inter- 
national relations, the 
Grateful Dead played at 
the base of the Great 
Pyramid during a lunar 
eclipse. Afterward, Garcia 
smoked and rode a camel. 


MIDDLE EAST DESK— 
ISRAEL: DEDICATE 
SCOOBIE DOOBIE U. 
Ое Blue Eyes flew to Is- 
rael for the inauguration of 
Frank Sinatra University. 
A mainstay on the world 
intellectual circuit, Sinatra 
was being honored for his 
many contributions to 
modern thought, par- 
ticularly, "I did it my мау.” 


EARS OF THE STARS 


Question: What have you been listening te lately? 


BOB SEGER: 1. Dark- 
ness at the Edge of 
Town, by Bruce 

Springsteen. 2. Run- 
ning on Empty, by 
Jackson Browne. 3. Lit- 
tle Criminals, by Randy 
Newman. 4. Excitable 
Boy, by Warren Zevon. 
5. Heaven Tonight, by 
Cheap Trick. 


TEDDY PENDER- 
GRASS: 1. Chaka!, by 
Chaka Khan. 2. Mac 
Arthur Park, by Donna 
Summer. 3. Nothing 
Says | Love You Like | 
Love You, by Jerry But- 
ler. 4. Gino Vanelli—no 
particular album. 


DONNA SUMMER: 1. 
The Stranger. by Billy 
Joel. 2. Brother to 
Brother, by Gino Vanelli 
3. Strikes Again, bı 
Rose Royce. 


CHUCK MANGIONE: 
1. Clifford Brown with 
Strings. 2. Main 
Squeeze (his own). 3. 
Brahms Third Sym- 
phony, with Toscanini & 
the NBC Orchestra. 4. 
Lady in Satin, by Billie. 
Holiday. 


JONI AND THE WHALERS: It's the new Eco- 
Supergroup. You join by adopting an endangered 
mammal as acause. Joni, Jackson Browne and ELO 
have taken up whales; Tanya Tucker's for baby 
seals; and both Helen Reddy and Olivia Newton- 
John canceled their Japanese tours to protest the 
slaughter of dolphins by Japanese fishermen. The 
last, wefear, might backfire if the Japanese are really 
as smart as they're supposed to be. Another super- 
group, Jackson and the No-Nukes, includes James. 
Taylor, Carly Simon, Bonnie Raitt, Linda Ronstadt, 
Stevie Wonder, Glenn Frey, Harry Chapin and John 
Sebastian. Still crazy and literate after all these 
years, Paul Simon, instead of jumping on the eco 
wagon, a benefit to help save the New 
York Public Library. Those wise-ass Eastemers. 


ние 


ОМА CLEAR DAY YOU CAN PLAY 
FOREVER: Marin County's Lyle 
Johnston has invented a solar- 
powered guitar. He said: “It was my 
karma to Create a space for those of 
us who get bummed out by regular 
electricity and never use it—but who 
still dig loud music. Have a nice day." 


OLDFOLKS' BOOGIE: Attention, Gray Panthers: Put on 
your orthopedic platform pumps, and if you can't find a 
partner, use a wooden walker—to oogie oogie oogie your 
brains out to Cab Calloway's new disco single version of 
Minnie the Moocher. Baseball-fancying senior swingers 
may prefer veteran Chicago announcer Harry Caray's 
disco rendition of Ма Na, Hey Hey, Kiss "Ет Goodbye, 
anthem of Chicago White Sox fans. The flip side is a hot- 
peanuts disco rendering of Take Me Out to the Ball Game. 


ARE WE NOT DEVO? .. . From Akron, Ohio, a recognized world epicenter of de-evolution, comes 
Devo. Wearing space garbage-man suits, they claim we've peaked and that it’s all downhill from 
here. Hard to deny with things around like Sizzlean, Egg Beaters, Astroturf, Firestone 500 radials, 
wood-grained contact paper, electric fireplaces, slow-cooking microwave ovens, jogging, Big Macs, 
phony amyl nitrite, telephone answering machines, smiLe buttons, vibrators and Robert Stigwood. 


SINGIN’ DA BLOOZE: Yes. 
the blues were born down in the 
Delta country, at a board meet- 
ing. And eventually found their 
way North, on countless red- 
eye commuter flights. All the 
power and feeling of those 
Primitive beginnings are cap- 
tured on Briefcase Full of 
Blues, by the Blues Brothers, 
Joliet Jake and Elwood Blues. 
Who says the blues are dying? 


HOT WAX: Believe your eyes. This is the 
inside cover of her latest album. Tanya 
Tucker, former innocent country Nashville 
child and teeny Vegas baby, is apparently 
trying to tell us something. Hot Tanya! 


THE BEAUTY AND THE BRATWURST: 
The definite heavy of '78, weighing in at 285 
pounds (give or take a bushel of 
cheeseburgers) and 3,000,000 albums 
sold. was. of course. Meat Loaf. Mr Loaf is 
assisted in his hyper-roadhouse R&B by 
singer and dramatic animus Karla DeVito. 


_______________ћћћ =‏ س 
ghosts; clones, apparitions and things that go boogie іп the night‏ 


IT IS TO BE PRESUMED that when cloning becomes a marketable process, the hustlers and hucksters of that vast Darwinian 
wasteland we call The Music Business will be among the first to take advantage of it. Imagine, for instance, the revenues 
that a dozen Ted Nugents or Eric Claptons, touring simultaneously, could generate for themselves and their sponsors. Cynics 
ht argue that, artistically speaking, cloning has always been the standard procedure, that the vast majority of records sold 
—in numbers that stagger the imagination and at prices that clean out the billfold—are the products of imitative rather 


than creative minds. Minds that figure, if something is selling, copy it; that's the type of thinking responsible for the endless 
reams of rock and disco music, played by studio musicians clonelike in their anonymity, that seem (text continued on page 188) 


4 


PAUL MCCARTNEY JIM MORRISON 


STEVIE WONDER RINGO STARR 


KEITH MOON 


SCULPTURE BY JACK GREGORY | PHOTOGRAPHY BY SEYMOUR MEONICK 


BENNY GOODMAN DUKE ELLINGTON 


JIMI HENDRIX 


Rock ‘n’ roll has spawned legions of bad boys, but Keith Moon eclipsed 
them all. For his 1964 audition to join The Who, teenaged Moon in- 
тайса a live performance and reportedly challenged the band to let 
him play. He played and proceeded to destroy the drum kit, The Who 
hired him on the spot and rock drumming has never been the same. 
The son of a motor mechanic and a cleaning lady, Moon spent his 
carly adolescence playing surf music in а London group capriciousby 
called The Beachcombers. After Moon joined, The Who picked up 
steam, graduating from dance band to concert band in Great Britain, 
and began to collect a cult following in the Uniled States with the 
album “My Generation." In 1967, The Who premiered in the U.S., most 
notably in the festival and film “Monterey Pop.” On the same tour, 
Moon lost a front tooth while celebrating his 21st birthday in Flint, 
Michigan. His practical jokes kept the rock media buzzing for years. His 
feats were a vocker's version of H. Allen Smith—rougher, stagier but 
equally deliberate. He once nailed every piece of furniture in his hotel 
room to the ceiling. Besides his tooth and a trail of ravaged hotel rooms, 
Moon, labeled Moon the Loon by the British press, leaves us much 
тоте. Moon's leisure-time excesses will not outlive his musical contri- 
bution to rock т” roll. Somehow, he managed to funnel his interior 
outrageousness and bonhomie into his music. He carved a prominent 
and lofty plateau for rock drumming. Under his influence, the drummer 
was no longer only the beat keeper; he connected the vocal to the 
beat. When Roger Daltry sang about his “g-g-genevation,” Moon was 
right there punctuating cach stulter. Daltry and Who lead guitarist Peter 
Townshend took their cues from him. Moon's best drumming can be 
witnessed by the success of the drony "I. Can See for Miles” and his 
tasty domination of "Happy Jack.” Rock т roll has seen the last phase 
of the Moon. Keith Moon died last September seventh, the 42nd anni- 
versary of Buddy Holly's birth. Perhaps the finest testimonial to Moon as 
а force in The Who is their decision to replace him not with a single 
drummer but with a battery of drummers to play on different songs. 
As Who bassist John Entwistle intoned, “He made the drums sing.” 


POLL WINNERS 


COUNTRY-AND-WESTERN, LINDA RONSTADT female vocalist 


WILLIE NELSON mole vocalist 


POP/ROCK 


PAUL MCCARTNEY boss 


BILLY JOEL male vocalist, 
composer 


ERIC CLAPTON guitar 
STEELY DAN grove 
LINDA RONSTADT female vocalist 


P ۱ 
/ 
M, \ | 
\ GO Ve 
i 7 ӯ 
е D › 
сі = 

LIONEL HAMPTON vibes 


NS BARBRA STREISAND female vocalist 
GEORGE BENSON maie vocalist, gular 


BILL UTTERBACK 


PLAYBOY 


188 


to get sawed up and sold in three- and 
ten-minute segments, respectively. 

Its also the type of thinking that 
makes some people want to be other 
people, as in the сазе of the more than 


600 Elvis Presley impersonators now op- 


са 


crating professionally in the U 
States. That we are living in а clone's 
аре was further demonstrated during 
1978 by the fact that a pair of bogus 
Presleys, one a girl, went as far 
have a plastic surgeon mold their fea- 
tures into replicas of the departed idol. 
‘They were joined by other would-bes 
who “became” Janis Joplin, Jim Groce 
and Jim Morrison (the five were booked 
for à tour as Rock "m" Roll Heaven). 
Morrison himself was brought back from 
the dead, after, lo, these many years, as 
the surviving Doors worked on an album 
featuring tapes he had left in the can. 
But it was а year in which dead men 
walked the charis; the surge of record 
sales by Lynyrd Skynyrd, after the group 
was decimated by а plane crash in the 
Buddy Holly/Otis Redding tradition, 
proved anew that in rock, what goes down 
at the right time will eventually rise. Not 
that Skynyrd’s posthumous success rivaled 
Elvis Presley's. When the year began, 
Presley's producer, Felton Jarvis, was 
probing the very an full of unused 
(and іп many cases forgotten) Presley 
tapes for possible hits; it ended with 
Elvis being named Billboard's Male 
Artist of the Year in the country-music 
field, after no fewer than 19 of his re- 
leases had made the charts (his nearest 
competitor, Willie Nelson, lı ix). In- 
deed, it was Halloween all year round for 
the record biz, as the dead on the charts 
were joined by mummi nted 
persons of Kiss, whose pubescent follow- 
ers supported their tongue-waving, blood- 
dripping screech-rock extravaganzas with 
such fervor that the group stopped tour- 
ing and recording together for one year 
in order to concen G 
specia 

The rock world, as usual, had a few 
other disheveled and premature dep: 
tures, as The Who's zany drummer, 
Keith Moon, floated from this worldly 
sphere on a tide of medication—just 
fter the group had finished a comeback 
album dwelling on aging, mortality and 
related themes—and as the 20-year-old 
girlfriend of punkrock star Sid Vicious 


remained to be proved, the well-publi- 
cized preoccupation of the New Wa 
general, and V 


ious in particular, with 
E ism and violence led much of the 
press to convict him at once. "He beat 
out Keith Richards for the story of the 
year,” commented another punk-rocker. 
And the former manager of the Sex Pis 
tols, after trying to raise bail money for 
Vicious—whose real name is John Simon 
Ritchie—was already talking about a 
movie based on the case. 


As is customary, there were a few other 
sudden exits in the music world and a 
few near misses. Jazz lost pianist Lennie 
Tristano and bassist Charles Mingus. 
Keyboardist Larry Young, a founding fa- 
ther of fusion music who played with 
everyone from Miles to Hendrix, diced of 
internal bleeding at the age of 38. Rock 


continued to court a particularly violent 
st Terry Kath 
informal 


destiny, as Chicago's guita 
shot himself to death in a 
round of Russian roulette (sl 
Johnny Асе, the о 
and 


another punk-rock group, al- 
me a real dead boy when he 
went to the aid of a roadie involved in a 
treet fight on New York’s Lower East 
Side and got stabbed six times in the face 
d neck. 

Rock суеп paid 


(funny about that name, too) made a pi 
image to Egypt, where they were re- 
corded and filmed in concert at the foot 
of the Great Pyramid, which was used 
аз an echo chamber; Ken Kesey, a mem- 
ber of the group's traveling coterie, even 
managed to scale the world’s best-know: 
monument to the dead and affix a Grate- 


ful Dead banner to its pointed top. 

The ancient Egyptians believed in a 
form of resurrection, and most Americans 
are supposed to as well. Rock certainly 


does. One who came back from purgatory 
t year was Joe Cocker, dried out but w 

bowed. Another was Bruce Springsteen, 
who emerged from three years of le 
and managerial hassles to reclai 
hastily doffed crown as the latt 
king of rock. And how about Kei 
rds? He came out the other end of a 
nadian heroin bust with a ycar's pro- 
nd six months in which to play a 
n Nation- 


с 
bation 
benefit concert for the Canadia 
al Institute for the Blind (his lawyer, 


citing Richards’ nine-year baule with the 
hard stuff, also announced the guitarist’s 
intention to donate $1,000,000 to help 
set up, somewhere, а drug-rehabilitation 
clinic). 

‘The foremost returnees from limbo, 
however, were a 75-year-old classical 
nist and an 83-year-old jazz/blues sin; 
er. Ervin Nyiregyházi, a onetime child 
prodigy whose career had fizzled in the 
early Thirties and who had spent the 
past 45 years in total obscurity, was re- 
discovered as an album on the modest 
Desmar Jabel that made the critics get 
very uncritical and inspired Columb 
distribute Nyiregyházi's future rele: 
and Alberta Hunter, who had played 
Broadway in the Twenties, then worked 
with Paul Robeson in London and head- 
са the t black U.S.O. troupe in 
World War Two, rediscovered—at 
a Bobby Short party for Mabel Mercer— 
and Taunched on a comeback after not 
singing for more than 20 years (she'd 
even been “retired” from her job as a 


hospital attendant in 1977—t00 old, they 
said). 

But then, there were comebacks and 
resurrections going on just about every- 
where you looked in 1978. Alice Coeper 
was another who dried out and came 
back. And a flock of Sixties performers 
made it back to the charts after years of 
absence, ng Bobby Vee, Gene 
Chandler, Bobbie Gentry, Brook Benton, 
Mary Travers and Lee Dorsey. Тһе 
Moody Blues made their first album in 
years. Johnnie Lee Wills, the brother of 
Bob Wills, was in the recording studio 
after a 16-year absence. Also seen in the 
studio, in New Orleans, was a group 
led The Reddings: е the d 
dren of the late, great Otis. The Hi-Lo’ 
were reunited after 17 years for an ap- 
pearance at the Monterey Jazz Festival. 
Canadian singer Anne Murray was back 
on the country charts after concentrating 
on motherhood for two years. The All- 
man Brothers Band, having forgiven 
brother Gregg for ratting on his roadie, 
was talking about a comeback. The 
Beach Boys made а comeback but dis- 
covered the old magic wasn't quite there 
(though it was for Dennis Wilson, who 
beat a “contributing to the delinquency 
of a minor" rap in Tucson when the 16- 
year-old girl involved refused to testify 
against him). Bob Dylan came back fron 
last comeback. with a $1,250.000 mo: 
that the critics didn't like and some new 
arrangements that he said would make it 
hard for his fans to recognize his old 
tunes, He was right, and some of the fans 
didn't like ibut Dylan has proved 
more than once that he is smarter than 
his fans and probably will do so again. 
Another comeback 
Green, who took his slee! 
the way to Tokyo to win top pri 
Japan’s international singing compet 
tion. Stax Records made a comeback. So 
did New York's Apollo Theater, reopen- 
ng under new management. In fact, New 
York itself made a comeback. as a spate 
of recording activity—after several years 
n which all the action seemed to be 
drifting westward—led to the enlarge- 
ment and /or renovation of number of 
major studios. 

And everywhere you looked, they were 
g in the past. The careers of Buddy 
Holly and Alan Freed were dramatized 
in films. A stage show called Beatlemania 
used film clips and Beatle imperso 
tors—there’s some more walking dead 
for you—to capitalize on the public 
longing for the long-haired foursome, 
which has been cold for quite some time 
(though Paul McCartney, who owns th 
publishing rights to Buddy Holly's music, 
made some money almost every time 
Linda Ronstadt sold an album last year). 
As if that weren't enough, the life, times 
nd music of Fats Waller were re-created 
n a Broadway show, Ain't Misbehavin’, 
with Hank Jones doing the piano. Esther 


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189 


Marrow played Mahalia Jackson in 
Mahalia, a musical at New York's 
Henry Street Settlement Playhouse. The 
compositions of 85-year-old Harry War- 
ren—Challanooga Choo Choo, Jeepers 
Creepers, and such—were in the process 
of returning to Broadway in a new musi 
cal called Lullaby of Broadway, set to 
open in the spring. And a group from 
Minneapolis called The Wolv 
sic Jazz Orchestra, whose 
24, made good impres 
with their double-breasted tuxedos and 
their big-band arrangements from the 
"Twentics and Thirties. 

Those august arbiters of fate, The 
Charts, also had their eyes on the past, 
as compositions by Lerner and Loewe, 
Harold Arlen, Irving Berlin, Glenn Мі 
ler and Oscar Hammerstein returned 
to popularity. Tom Waits had a record- 
ing out of Somewhere, the Leonard Bern- 
stein tune, and Michael Johnson had a 
Top 40 hit with Almost Like Being in 
Love. Willie Nelson was up there wi 
his album Stardust, a collection of сін 
nuts, as was Linda Ronstadt with When 
1 Grow Too Old to Dream. And I: 
Hayes, on the comeback trail him 
had a disco hit with Stranger in Paradise 

It was fully in keeping with the у 
a whole when West 52nd Street, 
known as Swing Street or simply 


PLAYBOY 


once 
The 
Street, was made into a shrine, with the 


names of a dozen musicians, including 
Charlie Parker, Dizzy Gillespie, Art 
Tatum, Coleman Hawkins, Lester Young 
and Billie Holiday, embedded in the 
concrete, Hollywood style 

Amidst all this nostalgia for the past 
were such akable signs of a Toffler- 
ian future irectio-dise recording, 
which essentially eliminates the taping 
process, and the increased use of lasers 
in stage shows and in discos, despite 
warnings from doctors of possible cyc 
damage. 

Herbie Hancock introduced a gizmo 
called the Vocoder, which he said Stevie 
Wonder introduced him to; it computer- 
izes the human voice and blends it with 
n instrumental part, enabling a non- 
singer to with perfect pitch. Other 
s to future shock were the nation's 
t solar-heated record shop, in Apple- 
ton, Wisconsin, our city built 
for California ‚ а rock concert 
held on the Ontario Motor Speedway in 
The "jam" drew 
250,000 paying customers who heard 15 
hours of Nugent, Acrosmith, Santana, 
Heart and others through а 140,000-watt 
sound system; then they gave the speed- 
у back to the drivers. 

Because they were de: in sci-fi 
numbers, was no time liki 
the present for the people who were mak- 
ng money in music last year. Despite 
g promotional and 
t led Warners and Columl: 
190 gest $8.98 


fi 


wa 


Ivertising costs 


10 sug: 
a retail price for selected 


albums—retailers everywhere were balk- 
ing at that—CBS and its affiliated labels 
were running 32 percent ahead of the 
previous years sales pace, Warner 
Communications, Inc, had its highest 
revenues ever in the third quarter, Casa- 
blanca, buoyed by the success of Kiss and. 
Parliament, was running 113 percent 
ahead of the previous year. And the Rob- 
ert Stigwood Org; ion—RSO-—had 
the two best-selling LPs ever in the Bee 
Gees’ Saturday Night Fever sound track 
and the ‘Trayolta/Newton-John music 
from Grease. By October, Fever had sold 
25,000,000 at $12.98 a copy. Grease had 
sold 5,000,000 in its first four months. 
And the sound track for the film version 
of Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club 
Band, a much-ballyhooed RSO produc- 
m that was panned by the critics and 
closed after a brief run іп New York, 
shipped platinum at $15.98. A little fast 
arithmetic indicates that some people 
aren't having 100 much difheulty staying 
alive. And they were just as busy com 
bining music and movies on the other 
ide of town, as Motown and Casablanca 
collaborated on their own disco block- 
buster, Thank God I's Friday, and Mo- 
town later went all out to produce The 
Wiz, with Diana Ross, Michael Jackson, 
Lena Horne, Quincy Jones, Nicholas 
Ashford and Valerie Simpson all assist- 
ing with the music With the cameras 
grinding and the sound mills churning 
ata record pace, the industry expected 
10 top its 21 percent growth rate of 1977, 
when it rang up 33 billion dollars in 


sales. 
АИ that booty quite naturally attract- 
ed the attention of some bad people. Ac 


cording lo research undertaken last year 
by Germany's Deutsche Grammophon, 
piracy of tapes and records cost the in- 
ternational music industry $780,000,000 
in 1977. Again quite naturally, the in 
ck: antibootle; 


nd five other states, and individ- 
s found guilty of piracy got jail 
sentences іп Atlanta, New York and 
Tex Il that was before Eliot Ness got 
into the act: Just before we went to pre 
nore Шап 300 Federal agents seized 
5100,000.000 worth of recording equip- 
ment at 19 bootlegging operations spread 
over five states. The raids climaxed a 20- 
month investigation, during which the 
FBI opened its own record shop on Long 
Island, майса with undercover agents. 
Thirty flat-bed tractor trailers were used 
to cart away the illegal mastering ma 
chines, duplicators and whatnot, and 
was expected that at least 100 indictments 
would be forthcoming. 

reat y for the music 
industry overall, rest assured that it w 
an encouraging one for minorities and 
l interests. Minorities like musi- 
s, for one: The record companies 
paid out almost $34,000,000 in wages to 


sidemen on recording sessions, an in- 
crease of 18 percent over the previous 
twelvemonth. Or like women, our disad- 
y. The number of fe- 
vocalists on Billboard's charts 
increased 30 percent between 1967 and 
the beginning of 1978; and female solo 
vocalists on the Hot 100 chart have 
creased 90 percent since 1976, as Donn 
Summer, Dolly Parton, Crystal Gayle, 
Debby Boone, Natalie Cole and Rit 
Coolidge, among others, have continued 
to solidify themselves as consistent. hit 
makers and top concert attractions. The 
first all-female jazz festival was also suc- 
cessfully sponsored last year in Kansas 
city by Carol Comer and Dianne Gregg. 
local singer and a radio producer. 
respectively, with Toshiko Akiyoshi 
Marian McPartland, Mary Lou Williams 
and Betty Carter headlining the show: 
Jaz itself seemed to be in an unusual- 
ly advantageous position, as numerous 
people thought of as jazz artists made 
some noise on the charts, crossing over 
into the rock sphere like Al DiMcola and 
Chuck Mangione, or into the disco R&B 
market place à la Lonnie Liston Smith. 
This prompted talk of a jazz renascence, 
and also a good deal of skepticism from 
people inside the industry and critics on 
the outside who felt chat the jazzmen оп 
the charts had gouen there by playi 
music that wasn’t jazz. Trumpeter Fred- 
die Hubbard, wi ppeared to have 
crossed over safely, did bow e and 
proclaimed. “Here | am, 39 years old, 
playing music that doesn’t really fit me 
nd working with producers who are tell- 
ing me what notes to play, notes I don't 
really want to play. Man, I'm too old for 
that" Another nonbeliever was John 
Snyder (no relation to the writer), who 
had been producing avant-garde jazz for 
ARM's Horizon label. When A&M de- 
cided to go middle-oftheroad, Snyder 
ad to form his own label, Artist House, 
in order to keep producing Ornette Cole- 
man and other nonmainsucam musi- 
cians, "Jazz involves the interaction. of 
mu: s on every level,” he told us, 
“and it’s a fact that those crossover rec 
ords are made in layers. I don't see how 
а soloist can go into the studio and relate 
to the musicians who laid down the 
rhythm tracks several weeks earlier.” 
Regardless of what one thought of the 
crossovers, there seemed to be fresh in- 
terest in the ively pure strains of 
zz. New dubs copped up in all the 
major cities, with a dozen spots open- 
ing around Los Angeles. New festi 
vals were organized everyplace from 
Ann Arbor to Bombay, India. About 
100,000 people paid to attend the 25th 
wport Jazz Festival, and 200,000 made 

it to the ninth annual Jazz & Heritage 
in New Orl Independent 
record labels that hadn't been heard from 
in decades, such as Progressive and Г 
covery, were resurrected. Dizzy Gillespie 
(continued on page 222 


о 


Sr 'ANISLAUS. WAS QUITE THE MARTYR WHEN ІТ CAME IE MOMENT HIS INFLATABLE LOVE DOLL ARRIVE 
BLOWING UP HIS LITTLE NEPHEW'S BEACH TOY. IN TN THE | MAIL, OLD IRON-LUNGS. SEES HAVE EASILY TAKEN 
ON THE HINDENBURG, WITH AIR TO SPARE? 


PUFFY PREH es PANTS 
ҮСЕМ! 


ET (Ацтек! == 
ORE CHAMPAGNE ! п 


HEY, YA BIG GALOOT- „Y'KNOW, 1 WAS > 

WHY DONCHA WATCH GONI ( b IT SAVES 

WHERE YER WALKIN’ I I CAB FARE! 
) WAS. е = 


NUMBER OF READERS 
HAVE INQUIRED ABOUT 
ED'S MEANS OF LOCOMO- 
TION...HE HAS AGREED 
TO DEMONSTRATE...) 


HERE COMES THAT BASEBALL 
MANAGER. WITH THE CUTE BUNS) BECOME NE 
SAY.LET'S INVENT dne 
MENAGE A TROIS 
oum 


art севан у 


THIS SURE AS HELL BEATS 
SPITTING IN A DUGOUT! 


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теу vi ABOUT ME? M ОШ YS 
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LIGHT COVERS. ONE DAY 
YOU GO To CHANGE THE 
BULB ANP you FIND THESE 
MILUONS OF DEAD BUGS. 
THE CROSS REFERENCE OF 

то 


HAVE you EVER NOTICED THE TU "SISN- 

OFF" TARGET LOOKS LIKE AN INDIAN 

MANDALA? OR THAT THE HOLOGRAMS AT 

THE NOON STREET GALLERY HAVE A SORT 
OF BUILT-IN RAINBOW? 


DORM, THE WINDOWS! 

ACROSS THE STREET 

LOOKED LIKE LOTS 

OF LITTLE SQuARt 
NS... 


JUST IN THE DEITY- 
LIKE RESPECT HE 

COMMANDED вот 
IN THE VISUAL 


POSTURE. 
р Й 


1 KNOW THE CONNECTION 
MAY LOOK LIKE COINCIDENCE, 
BUT 1 DUNNO, MAN. JUNG 
SAYS ACCIDENTS DON'T 

- EVERYTHING IS 


THAT COME FLYING BY US 
HAVE COME FLYING BY 
ыу? BEFORE. YOU 


193 


THERE WILL BE №. 
DISCUSSION / 
IF THE ASHES OF 
OUR GREAT GANOOGLE 
ARE NOT RETURNED 
IMMEDIATELY — IT 
4 | wu ве WARM 


TODAY OUR HEROES 
ARE ON HINMOK, WHERE 
THEY HAVE BEEN SENT 
(RELUCTANTLY) 

BY STAR COMMAND 

TO PREVENT А MAIR | 
CONFLICT WITH THE 
NEIGHBORING PLANET 


OF RORM. | 


BUT YOUR ноне, — V | [IT WASALL A 5| Bring IN 
THE Es HAVE, ý MUNDER STANDING 77/ || TE URN, Р 
AND HIS HIGHNESS, ў ~ SCHWIMMER 
TURNED! Л z Г 
аа KING NORM OF RORM, CAV C 
HUMBLY APOLOGIZES. 


45, 


in 


DONT DROP IT, HERE ITS, 
you JERK... youR madesty! 


WHERE SHOULD I 
PUT... WHOOPS / 


THANK GoD YoURE , | 
STILL ALVE,MY Love! — | 
1 WAS AFRAID, WE'D | 
VOUR 1.0, BE ТОО LATE. 3 
(D SWEAR 


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you DID THAT А NUS | = N 
Р қ : ТЕ жк 7522), 


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IF 1 DIDNT QUICK! THE LOCK! 


ALREADY KNOW 


1AM ANISA, LEADER 
OF THE REBEL Неке! 
1 SAW YOU DESCEND 
FROM THE SKY—LIKE 
А бор! wiu. you 
LEAD THE REVOLUTION 7 


KING, BUT UNDER THE BRILLIANT LEADER SHIP OF 
SCHWIMMER, VICTORY FOR THE REBELS 15 
SWIFT AND SURE... 


Б HALE 1 


OF COURSE, 
my DEAR! 


WD 

50 ONE NIGHT, 
SCHWIMMER AND, 
JONES QUIETLY 
LEAVE HINMOK.... 


BUT THOUGH OUR 
HEROES ARE GONE ... 


195 


PLAYBOY 


196 garland the necks of Bri 


SAUSAGES (continued from page 153) 


“The United States, with its multinational population, 
is sausage heaven, and some 200 types are available.” 


sloshed into a boatshaped vessel and lit 
and the sausages are turned in the leap- 
ing flames. Die Miinchner dote on their 
П-лм. Weisswiirste break, wolfing sau- 
sages out of hand. sans roll. with per- 
haps a pretzel or a slice of white radish. 
And Hungar spifly caravansary in 
Manhattan's new Citicorp building, dis- 
plays a sausage-festooned tree as its pri- 
mary decorative theme. 

Whatever their provenance, sausages 
were originally a product of necessity, a 
way of preserving meats in a prerefrig- 
erator сга, at the same making 
delicious use of tough cuts, trimmings 
nd leftovers. Then, now, the meats 
were chopped, zapped with spices and 
condiments, stuffed into protective cas- 
ings and divided into usable lengths. 
Preserving techniques were influenced 
by locale and climate. The weather of 
Mediterranean countries dictated. sau- 
ages that held up in warmer climes— 
dry and semidry types such as the Htalian 

ilamis—preserved. mainly with salt and 
. Conversely, chilly northern. tem- 
peratures allowed development of mor 
perishable fresh and smoked 
The Germans were icularly 
tive, eating such temptations as delicate 
vealand-pork Weisswürste, hearty Bau- 
ernwurst and Bratwurst and no fewer 
than 50 varieties of liverwurst! 

Although sausage production is now 
highly mechanized, traditional curing 
methods are still employed, but changes 
are in the wind. Serious questions have 
been raised about the safety of nitrites 
and nitrates, historically used [or pre- 


serving and flavoring, and a Federal 
panel is presently conducting a "slide 
by slide" review. However, it's not a 
imple mater, since nitrite protects 


gainst botulism, the FDA will 
never endorse an action that is going to 
cause more problems than it is going to 
cure.” Meanwhile, a number of produc- 
ers have voluntarily reduced nitrite con- 
tent and there are суеп nitrite-fre 
examples on the ma Anticipating 
change, the U.S.D.A. has launched an 
educational campaign. alerting consum- 
ers to freeze cured sausage. 

The United States, with its multina- 
tional population, is sausage heaven, and 
some 200 distinct types are available. 
Among them are such csoterica as Ger 
man Yachtwurst (often studded with pis- 
tachios). savory Chinese lop chong (which 
come in pairs), small chipolaia (used to 
һ holiday 


birds), French andouillette (made from 
intestines), Italian cotechino (fat, garlicky 
sausage similar to the French saucisson à 
Рай) and the dry, peppery Hungarian 
gyulei. One sausage that never gained 
much popularity, and maybe it's just as 
well, is pemmican, an American Indian 
combination of chopped dried beef and 
dried berries. 

Sausage buffs go bananas trying to clas- 
sify this wealth of Wurst as to place of 
origin, prime ingredient, spicing or type 
of cure; but there are, essentially, two 
broad categorics of sausages. Ready lo 
serve sausages include such fully cooked 
items as liverwurst, bologi a 
well as tangy semidry and d 
and the less asserüve — cervelat—also 
called summer sausage. All of those slice 
well for sandwiches and platt И you 
like your sausage by the chunk, get the 
small, zesty dry sausages—chorizo or pep- 
peroni—and cut yourself a “chaw.” 

Many fully cooked sausages improve 
in flavor and succulence when heated. 
Knackwurst (it looks like a big frank- 
furter), coarse-textured, spicy Bauern- 
wurst, smoked Bratwurst and Polish 
kielbasa may be simmered in water, wine 
or beer, grilled or pan broiled, while the 
unctuous blood sausages—F 
serman Blutwurst, 
pølse and Irish blood pudding—respond 
ely to browning in buuer. 

Raw sausages, both fresh and smoked, 
e the other 
ve thorough cooking. In addition to 
familiar breakfast links, there are 
sweet or hot Italian salsiccia—often 
spiked with fennel, parsley or parmesan 
eese—the somewhat mealy British 
nger, served with a side of “mash,” and 
rsley-lecked Bockwurst, Since so many 
sausages contain at least some pork, it's 
important to ask for cooking directions 
when buying a new item. 

Specialty shops and ethnic delis are 
your best bet lor unusual items, but 
wellstocked supermarkets and the gour- 
met sections of department stores oll 
surprising choice. There are also mail- 
order sources foi ge. Schaller 
Weber (1654 Second. Avenue, New York, 
New York 10028) is famous for German- 
style Wurst; Fred. Usinger, Inc. (1030 
North Third Sueet, Milwaukee, Wiscon- 
sin 53203), offers a variety; M поз 
(488 Ninth Avenue, New York, New York 
10018) is known for Itali: 
Chorizo and lingüica. 
C 


ic group, and they re- 


a 


ilable from 
а Monco (210 West Ith Street, New 


York, New York 10011); and McA 
Smokehouse (Millerton, New York 12546) 
comes through with notable bangers and 
-smoked breakfast ге That's 


MAIFEST 


Perhaps you won't make it to this year’s 
Oktoberfest —Munich's nual sausage- 
and-beer blast—but you can stage a Mai- 
fest at your place. Invite all the hungry 
types you know and set out a variety of 
ges, bullet style. Accompany with 
trimmings—hot sauer- 
‚ cole shaw, pickle ortment of 
breads, several kinds of mustard (Dijon 
course-ground Moutarde de Meaux, Dus- 
seldorf), French potato salad and plenty 
of cold beert 

Cold Sausages: Chorizo and pepperoni 
cut in Lin, lengths. Italian salami, morta- 
della and Braunschweiger Jiverwurst cut 
in dl es. Arrange on platters and 
garnish with sliced pimientos. 

Hot Sausages: Smoked Bratwurst and 
kielbasa—prick lightly, place in cold fry- 
ng pan and sauté over medium heat, 
turning often, until browned. Knack- 
wurst and Bauernwurst—cover with beer 
Or water in a saucepan; bring to simmer 
and heat 10 minutes. Drain. Slice sa 
sages, set on platters and top with sprigs 
of watercress. 


FRENCH POTATO SALAD 
(Serves six) 

2 Ibs. new potatoes 

Salt, freshly ground pepper 

14 cup dry white wine 

% cup salad ой 

2 tablespoons white wine vinegar 

4 scallions, finely chopped (including 
some green) 

1 clove garlic, crushed 

2 tablespoons chopped parsley 

Cook potatoes in boiling salted water 

ni] tender, 20 to 30 minutes. Drain, 

peel and slice into bowl. Sprinkle with 

salt and pepper. Add wine 

tly. Let stand 14 hour. Coml 

ing ingredients and fold into sa 

id add more salt and peppe 

sary. Serve at room temperatu 


спооскооть cinxit 
(Serves six) 


auerkr 


3 Ibs. m 
3 tablespoons bacon drippings or salad 


2 large onions, chopped 

1 clove garlic, finely chopped 

2 tart cooking apples, pecled and 
chopped 

2 cups dry wl 

1 bay leaf 

6 whole peppercorr 

10 juniper berries (or 14 cup gin) 

6 smoked pork chops 


LEE FITS AMERICA 


PLAYBOY 


198 


6 Weisswürste 

1 ib. kielbasa 

1⁄4 Ib. Kuackwurst 

Rinse sauerkraut in cold water; drain 
thoroughly, squeezing out as much water 
as possible, Heat drippings or 
deep pot and sauté onions and ga 
until softened. Add drained. kraut, 
ne. Tie bay leaf, pepper- 
d juniper berries in cheesecloth 
14 to pot. (If juniper berries arc 

lable, add gin.) Cover and cook 
over low heat for 1 hour. Add pork 
chops, cover and cook y% hour longer. 
Meanwhile, brown Weiswiste in lightly 
greased skillet and cut kielbasa and 
Knackwurst into thick slices. Add all 
sausages to pot. Cover and cook another 
15 hour. Remove seasoning bag and d 
card. Pile sauerkraut and sausage slices 
on big platter and arrange pork chops 
and Weisswiisste around and оп top 
Serve with boiled potaoes, choice of 
mustards and dryish Riesling or Gewurz 
tramin е. 

Choucroute au Champagne: Daniel 
Fuchs, chef at Maxwell's Plum, has a 
spectacular way of presenting his native 
dish. Arrange choucroute im hcatproof 
casserole and place on réchaud or alcohol 
burner. Make an opening in the center 
and set a split of champagne in the space. 
Remove the wire mask but hold your 
thumb firmly on the cork. When ready, 
remove your thumb. The heat will pop 
the cork and a gusher of bubbly will 


E 


erupt over the sides, into the dish. When 
foaming ceases, add remaining cham- 
pagne and cook 10 minutes more. 


KAPLAN'S SALAMI AND ECCS 
(Serves two) 


A favorite dish often served at Kap- 
lan's at the Delmonico, а luxury resi- 
dence hotel in Manhattan. 

1 Ib. kosher-style salami, thinly sliced 

1 eggs 

2 tablespoons water 

Black pepper, optional 

Remove outer casing from salami 
slices: cut cach slice in half. Sauté salami 
tly greased skillet over medium 
heat until slices begin to curl. Salami 
should release enough fat to fry eggs, 
but you can add a little ой if needed. 
Beat eggs lightly with water 
skillet all 
so that 
elet is firm 
turn with spatu 
flip side. Slide onto warmed plate. The 
alami provides enough salt, but you can 
add а grind of pepper, if you like. Kap- 
Jan's uses an extra-gurlicky Knubblewurst 
lami, which is about half the diamete 
of the regular. If you can find this, don't 
bother cutting slices in hall. 


t once. As eggs set, 
runs undern 
but 


T 


ll moist on 


тор, 
nd cook quickly on 


PORTUGUES CHORIZO ASAZO 
(PORTUGUESE FLAMED SAU 


) 


Cut lingüiça or chorizo sausages i 


“Then I discovered that the reason I was 


frigid was not psy chological but geographical 


501 moved!” 


cup water. Bring water to boil, cover pan 
and cook about 5 minutes. Uncover p: 
and continue cooking until water boils 
away and sausages are lightly browned. 
Reduce heat. Add about a jigger of 
brandy (preferably marc or grappa) to 
pan and ignite. Stand back when adding 
spirit, as it can flame spontaneously. 
Shake pan slowly, turning 
flames. Serve as soon as flames 


die. Makes 


guese Vinho Verde wine. 


SAUSAGES AND PEPPERS, SAN GENNARO 


(Serves two) 


an sausages (depending on 
g 


blespoons olive oil 
где sweet red pepper, sliced 

1 medium onion, thinly sliced 

1 clove garlic, finely chopped 

Salt and pepper, to taste 

Use sweet or hot sausages or combina 
tion. Bring water and wine to boil in 
large skillet. Add sausages cook, 
turning once, for about 10 minutes or 
until liquid in pan boils out. Add olive 
oil and brown sausages lightly on both 
sides. Add red pepper, onion, garlic, salt 
and pepper. Cook, stirring occasionally, 
until red. pepper is tender and. sausages 
nicely browned. This takes about 15 min- 
utes, but you can speed things up a bit by 
covering pan for part of time. Uncover 
toward end, so liquid п сап evap- 
orate and vegetables take on glazed 
appearance, 


and 


LAYERED SAUSAGE AND POTATO HUNGARIA 
(Serves six to eight) 


3 Ibs. small potatoes 

Salt 

14 Ib. butter, melted 

14 Ib. boiled ham, sliced 

6 hard-cooked eggs, pecled and sliced 

1⁄4 Ib. fresh pork sausages, sliced 

14 pint sour cream 

1 tablespoon Hungarian papr 

Cook potatoes in boiling salted water 
until tender. Drain, ресі and slice. Ar- 
range layer of potatoes on bottom of 
large, well-buttered baking dish. Sprinkle 
with salt and little melted. butter. Соус 
this layer with ham slices and top with 
another of sliced potatoes. Sprinkle with 
d melted butter. Arrange egg slices 
and sausage slices on top. Finish with 
final layer of potatoes. Pou 
ing butter on top. Spr 
all and sprinkle with paprik 
preheated 350° oven for 1/4 hour. 

Informal wine-and-sausage parties are 
popular in France, especially with stu- 
dents. Its an casy, lively way to en- 
tertain—which oft leads to spicy 
conversation and am 


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Wherever you go, it's moving fast.\W/hat’s 
behind its super success? Super lightness, 
superb taste. If that’s what you're after, 
make the run to Lord Calvert Canadian. 


Follow the Canadian Superstat: 


TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR 


MAKING 
INFLATION 
WORK FOR YOU 


cians who tell you that now they're really going to 

stop it, don’t read any further. Call me immediately 
about some fabulous beachfront property in Arizona. 
The only way to beat inflation is to have more money. 
But how do you accomplish that, you ask? You get on the 
waves of inflation and ride them, instead of getting 
buried by them. While you are relatively young, you can 
do much better financially than at any other time in your 
life. That's because your income will probably rise more 
dramatically during the period from the age of 25 to the 
age of 40 than at any other time in your life. It's during 
those years that you should get your plan started. 


I nflation is not going away. If you believe the politi- 


OWN YOUR OWN PAD 


"The most important thing to do is to buy a house or a 
condo or some other place where you will live. Houses 
have risen in price far faster than the cost-of-living index 
in the entire postwar period, but especially in the past 
ten years. Inflation has gone up by about 95 percent 
since 1967, but the value of the average private dwell- 
ing has gone up by over 150 percent in that time. 

Опе reason for buying your own dwelling is that 
you're doing it with other people’s money. Suppose you 
buy a $50,000 house. Normally, you would pay $10,000 
down and finance the rest with a mortgage for 80 per- 
cent of the full price. You will pay about ten percent 
a year on the money you borrow. That is the current 
mortgage rate in most parts of the country. 

But all the interest you pay on the mortgage, which 
is almost all of your first year’s payments, is tax-deducti- 
ble. So, for most people, the real interest rate on that 
mortgage is seven percent. The mortgage will cost you 
about $2940 a year if you have a 30-year mortgage. But 
the house will be worth $5000 more at the end of the 
first year. At the end of the second year, it will be worth 
$11,500 more. In about seven years, it will be worth 
about $50,000 more. Net result: You have lived in your 
house free and you haye made a fortune. 

By the end of the seventh year, you will have more 
than $50,000 worth of equity in your house. Could you 
have saved tliat much? Probably not. Now, if you sell it 
and reinvest all of the proceeds (or more) in another 
personal residence, any tax you owe will be deferred. 
And if you keep trading up in property until you reach 
the age of 55, a new tax law allows you a one-time 
$100,000 tax-free sale of a personal residence. 

Because the biggest part of the mortgage payments 
on your house is tax-deductible, you can afford to spend 


much more before-tax earnings on buying a house than 
you would on rent. Of course, there are other expenses 
associated with buying a house—taxes, utilities, etc.—but 
they are small potatoes, by and large. And the local prop- 
erty tax is Federal-income-tax-deductible, too. 

Here is the real inflation kicker that makes it all so 
much more delicious: You borrow when you don't have 
many dollars and pay back when you have a lot of dol- 
Jars. This is how it works: Suppose you start off carning 
about $14,000 a year, or about $10.000 a year after taxes. 
Your monthly takehome might be about $800. If you 
buy a house that requires a $300 monthly mortgage pay- 
ment, that $300 will be a good bite out of your take-home 
pay. But your pay is extremely likely to double in cur- 
rent dollars in less than four years, if you are a young 
hustler just starting out or in your carly 30s. By 1983, you 
will have a take-home of about $1500 a month, and you 
will not notice $300 a month for the payments on that 
house that’s then worth far more than you paid for it. 


A TRUE GOT-RICH STORY 


1 have a schoolteacher friend who, back in 1966, when 
he was making $9000 a year, took every cent he could 
borrow and bought a small house for 530,000. 

He watched it get to be worth $50,000 in two years. 
He then had $25,000 worth of equity in the house. He 
sold that house and bought another for $75,000, and he 
could afford it, because he made a $25,000 down payment. 
After 30 months, he had a house worth $110,000. He then 
had $60,000 worth of equity in it. So he sold it and bought 
а house in a better neighborhood that cost $130,000. He 
had the money for a large down payment and his salary 
had gone up, so he could afford it. By then it was 1971. 
By 1973, that house was worth $170,000. 

The schoolteacher who never earned much money then 
had equity of a cool $100,000. Then he did something 
really smart, which is only for those who really hate to 
be poor, He got a second morgage on his house for 
$50,000. (A second mortgage is a loan secured by the 
equity in a dwelling.) He took that $50,000 and bought 
two beach-front condominiums. Each condo cost $100,000 
furnished. He was able to lease them for the summer for 
enough money to pay off the indebtedness on them and 
the debt for the second mortgage. 

By 1976, each condo was worth а cool $210,000. He 
had $100,000 equity in each of them, and his house was 
by then worth $225,000. And so, two years ago, he was 
worth $375,000, and that was before the big inflation of 
the past two years. You can do the same thing. —BEN STEIN 


‘J 
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TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR 


TUNING INTO 
THE VIDEO- 
TAPE SCENE L2 


in 1975, manufacturers expected consumers to 

purchase those sophisticated and expensive gadg- 
ets to record programs for future viewing. Companies 
that sold prerecorded video cassettes struggled to gain a 
foothold in the infant market; and companies that pro- 
duced programs for the home VCR owners were unheard 
of. But in the past year, as the number of owners of 
video-cassette recorders has grown impressively, the num- 
ber of companies offering prerecorded programs to home 
VCR owners has multiplied dramatically. 


WwW hen home video-cassette recorders hit the market 


SAY HELLO TO HOLLYWOOD 


Today, there are over 600 copyrighted movies for sale on 
video cassettes throughout the country. Now the bad news. 
No, you can't buy Star Wars, Close Encounters of the 
Third Kind, Saturday Night Fever or other current block- 
busters. But there is a big demand for top-notch flicks by 
home VCR owners frustrated by the dearth of quality 
programs. So big, in fact, that last year one store in 
southern New Jersey even started advertising its illegal 
wares in a newspaper. The company attracted hordes of 
buyers—and the FBI. 

Assuming you want to stay on the right side of the law, 
there are still plenty of programs from which to choose. 
Three movie companies have made films available to the 
home video market: Twentieth Century-Fox, Avco Embas- 
sy and Allied Artists, Each studio has dozens of feature- 
length movies on video tape that sell for between $50 and 
$75. Here's briefly what each firm offers. 

Twentieth Century-Fox: This was the first studio to 
jump into video through distributor/duplicator Magnetic 
Video Corporation. (Its stock soared from $8 to $47.) Top 
titles include M*A*S*H and The French Connection. 

Auco Embassy: Magnetic Video also distributes and 
duplicates this company's films. Three that are predicted 
to be the biggest sellers: Carnal Knowledge, The Graduate 
and The Sailor Who Fell from Grace with the Sea. 

Allied Artists: Video-cassette-recorder owners can buy 
А.А. movies on tape almost as soon as they are theatri- 
cally released. Its titles include The Wild Geese, Fedora, 
Papillon, The Betsy and The Story of O. 


X AND NOSTALGIA MARK THE SPOT 


But those three companies offer only what is estimated 
to be fewer than a third of the available programs. What 
else can be purchased? Porno films on tape, for one. Al- 
ready, some stores are reporting that X-rated programs are 
their hottest sellers. And just about every top-quality X- 


rated movie made in the past several years can be legiti- 
mately purchased over the counter. 

Two companies in Hollywood offer films on tape from 
the movie capital's golden age. The Nostalgia Merchant 
is selling fare such as the original King Kong, The Hunch- 
back of Notre Dame and Citizen Kane. Hollywood Film 
Exchange has put on the market several Alfred Hitchcock 
films, as well as an assortment from The Beatles and 
Rolling Stones to Sherlock Holmes. 


OTHER PROGRAMS 


While movies seem to be the predominant form of 
prerecorded program, they're not the only products avail- 
able. Sports World Cinema in Salt Lake City specializes 
in video programs about skiing and motor sports. Long- 
time supplier of instructional sports films to schools and 
universities, School Tech of Ann Arbor, Michigan, is now 
offering on video cassettes all of its 31 programs that 
cover racquetball to weight training. Perhaps the most 
daring home video programer of all, Video Tape Network 
in New York City, has made available 75 programs rang- 
ing from Jimi Hendrix to a Richard Pryor special. 


WHERE TO BUY 


175 almost certain that no retailer will carry every pro- 
gram from every company. First try the store where you 
bought your recorder, If its selection isn't diverse enough, 
try some of the larger stereo and electronic shops, as well 
as the more sophisticated department stores. 

There also are other ways around the shortages. Mag- 
netic Video Corporation (23434 Industrial Park Court, 
Farmington Hills, Michigan 48024) has formed a home 
video club to reach markets where dealers don't carry 
tapes. It costs ten dollars to join. Magnetic Video's main 
fare is the movies of Fox and Avco Embassy. Another way 
to acquire programs is through Video Corporation of 
America (231 East 55th Street, New York, New York 
10022), which offers its programs to mail-order customers 
only. Video cassettes as diverse asa tour through Paris night 
clubs and Jack Nicklaus on golf can be rented for about 
ten dollars for a seven-day period. One enterprising com- 
pany, Discotronics, Inc. (50 North Main Street, Cranbury, 
New Jersey 08512), has started a used-for-used video-cassette 
exchange whereby, for a ten-dollar (minimum) service fee, 
a customer can swap one used movie for another. 

Starting a decent video library of Hollywood movies 
requires a Beverly Hills bank roll. A $1000 collection 
buys 15 to 20 tapes. So carefully choose programs you'll 
enjoy watching over and over again. —HOWARD POLSKIN 


ty 
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5 
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TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR 


THROW A 
CATERED PARTY 


sons to have your next party catered. A third reason 

is the human experience as it relates to the giving of 
parties. Most gatherings are conceived by a host who 
envisions no more than “having a few people over for 
drinks and a snack.” Most gatherings end with the same 
host, shell-shocked, staring at rooms full of halt-empty 
glasses and dirty dishes, As if his injury needed further 
insult, the stunned partygiver often realizes that he has 
spent more money than planned—or was required—for 
5. On the spot, he swears that his next bash 
will be given with the aid and counscl of outside help. 
That resolution explains the existence of catering firms. 


E aziness and a disdain for the ordinary are two rea- 


HOW TO CHOOSE A CATERER 


The ideal way to find a caterer is through the recom- 
mendations of friends. Preferably friends who have had 
the good grace to invite you to the party at which they dis- 
covered this phenomenal surrogate host. Barring that, 
begin by simply looking up caterers in the Yellow Pages, 
calling them and gauging their response to your questions. 
If the response is brusque, filled with hints that your con- 
templated affair is а lesser event than those that light up 
the eyes of the firm's bookkeeper, hang up and keep dial- 
ing. You will eventually reach a voice that seems to under- 
stand exactly what you have in mind. 

But don't make your decision solely on the basis of a 
telephone conversation, Visit the caterer's office, too (a 
move that will tell you more about the firm in a few 
minutes than will an hour on the phone). You should also 
ask the caterer for two references before signing on the 
dotted linc and placing your party irrevocably in his 
hands. And after you've asked for references, call them. 


WHAT'S IN THE CONTRACT 


What should your catering contract contain? Everything 
up to and including the kitchen sink. And that is not a 
cliché used lightly. If you expect the caterer to clean up 
afterward, make sure it’s down in black and white. 

Your contract should also specify all of the other services 
and items you wish for the evening, including, of course, 
a menu tailored to your budget, your guests and the 
occasion. In these casual times, the seated dinner—not 
necessa to our collective credit —has become a near 
anachronism. The buffet reigns, and that isn't all bad. 
Buffets create a free-form atmosphere that goes well with 
today’s lifestyles. 

If you don’t have sufficient dishes, glassware or even 
furniture, the caterer can provide them—for a price. 


Caterers don't have liquor licenses (at least the ones I 
know don’t), meaning that you must provide the liquid 
life of the party. Whatever the source, be certain that only 
the best brands are provided; elegant parties have been 
spoiled by the look and taste of Old Degreaser on the bar. 

The number, dress and source of serving personnel 
should be spelled out, together with the hours during 
which guests will be served. And the contract will, of 
course, contain the final price per guest. You can expect 
to pay about cight dollars a head for a small cocktail 
buffet offering hot and cold hors d'oeuvres, not including 
the cost of the alcohol and the help. The price per capita 
will go down as the group goes beyond 50, but it will go 
up accordingly in the case of a scated dinner. For 25 
guests, a seated dinner will cost approximately $25 per 
guest, exclusive of wine, liquor and servers. 

As mentioned, the liquor will be an extra in most 
instances, A rule of thumb says three guests to each fifth, 
but that has been complicated by the growing popularity 
of wine as a drink. My rule for wine buying is to allow 
one bottle per guest. That way, you won't run short 
except in extreme cases. (And whatever is left will keep 
niccly in your wine cellar, anyway.) 


OTHER ADVICE 


If you offer an open bar—and you should—be sure that 
the bartender understands that anyone can have any drink 
he wants, just as long as the fixings are available. And you 
might also consider combining the open bar with a punch 
bowl; nothing can get a bash into orbit faster than a tasty 
concoction that's been liberally laced with several types 
of hard stuff. Being able to ladle out a liquid refreshment 
also frees the bartender for more involved creations. 

A wise host also works out a contingency plan to put 
into action when the party becomes too great a success to 
close down on time. (Failure to agree on this in advance 
can result in huge prices being paid by a too-generous 
host.) 

A point to remember: Many caterers will quietly vanish 
with the leftoyer goodies—which you, incidentally, have 
paid for—unless you specifically state in the contract that 
whatever hasn't been devoured belongs to you. That way, 
you won't эсс a mountain of cold lobster leave with your 
check at the conclusion of the party. 

The end of your evening, if you have planned well, will 
be a joy. You will be left with a clean house, uncluttered 
by unwashed objects and overflowing ashtrays, and the 
leisure time to share an afterglow glass of cognac 
with your companion. — WILLIAM JEANES 


td 
> 
B 
2 
u 
5% 
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It tastes 
like real blackberry. 
Naturally. 
Because ifs Leroux. 


Leroux Blackberry Sour. 
Mix 34 oz. lemon or lime juice, 1% oz. 
Leroux Blackberry Flavored Brandy, 
1 tsp. sugar. Shake, strain, garnish 
with orange slice, cherry. 


Experience the Leroux Blackberry. 
It's the one with flavor so natural you'll think it's right off the bush. 
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r From France, Italy, U.S., Austria, ond Denmark. 
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— 


w 


4 


SEX IN CHICAGO 


(continued from page 176) 
On the second date, however, the ma- 
jority do. 

"We see a lot of girls here who come 
from the suburbs, girls from the western 
and southwestern neighborhoods, who've 
just gotten their first job and first apart- 
ment in this area. Girls who lived with 
their parents,” says Larry, a bartender 
at P.S. Chicago who's also worked at 
Butch's “They come in with low-cut 
dresses and crosses around their necks. 
They're so scared that they won't get 
picked up and even more scared that they 
will that they just sit and quake, literally 
quake, man." 

On the other hand, there are women 
who make the men quake. 

“I love to fuck,” says a 28-year-old 
blonde secretary who lives in the profes- 
sionally hip Old Town district, just 
northwest of the Rush Street area. She 
goes alone to She-Nannigans whenever 
she wants to pick up what she passingly 
refers to as "some hunk.” "Trying to find 
a man who can just fuck without any 
problems is very hard in this scene. For- 
tunately, I like to get head more than I 
like to fuck, and everybody, I mean at 
least 90 percent of the guys down here, 
will give head. Not necessarily good 
head, but head.” 

But the discos and singles bars are, for 
most of Chicago's singles, a phase of their 
lives, to be endured until they can find 
a more or less monogamous relationship: 
love, at best; a satisfying one-to-one sex 
relationship, at least. And amazingly, 
they do. 

The vast majority of young working 
singles are more inclined to look for love 
among their friends, in their neighbor- 
hoods or at work than ina disco. 

Chicagoans find love at work so fre- 
quently that there are a number of res- 
taurants whose primary function is to 
enhance inwa- (and sometimes inter-) 
company romance. Among them are 
Sweetwater, Harry's Café, Arnie's, Mel- 
vin's Outdoor Café and The Brassary, all 
on the Near North Side, They're all your 
basic plant-and-tastefully-ornate-natural- 
wood type establishments, with clever 
menus to inspire clever conversations. 
For intracompany romance, lunch is a 
crucial repast in Chicago, and the restau- 
rants can barely seat all the customers 
at noon. 

Even more essential to the develop- 
ment of longterm опечо-опез than all 
the discos, singles bars and ornate res- 
taurants are Chicago's neighborhood 
bars. It is Chicago's good grace to com- 
pensate for its puny and qualitatively 
mediocre singles-bar and disco scene 
by having every kind of neighborhood 
bar one could possibly imagine. In a 


hborhood bar, a casual familiarity 
can develop between men and women 
that easily leads to the friendship neces- 
sary for a long-term affair. 

Chicago blacks have their own places, 
and the best of these are on the South- 
east Side, where most of middle-class black 
Chicago lives. Just as all the North Side 
bars have the same genuine-wood look, 
the popular South Side bars also have a 
standard look: pastel decors (with pink, 
white and red being a favorite combina- 
tion), carpeting, lots of mirrors and an 
aquarium over the bar. 

Four main bars support a good singles 
scene: the two Godfather taverns (God- 
father I at 4640 South Cottage Grove 
Avenue and Godfather П at 1545 East 
87th Street), the Dating Game at 8926 
South Stony Island and the South Side's 
most famous bar, Flukie's at 8211 South 
Cottage Grove, Flukie's is solid mirrors, 
reflecting the red, black and white decor 
into infinity. "There arc bar counters 
along both walls and an oval counter in 
the center of the room. The counters are 
lined with thickly padded Naugahyde, so 
that anyone happening to pass out mid- 
drink can do so without banging his 
head. The pickup technique is the same 
as on the North Side: Buy her a drin 

Other similarities to the North Side 
scene are that fashionable and tasteful 
attire is preferred, that lawyers and doc- 
tors are extremely successful in picking 
up women and that oral sex, once con- 
sidered by most Chicago black men to be 
a disgusting white perversion, has now 
become an essential technique in the 
repertoire of singles-bar movers. 

Ralph, a 34-year-old used-car salesman 
who works the Godfathers I and 1I and 
takes some of the prettiest black women 
оп the South Side to his one-bedroom 
S300a-month high-rise apartment, ех- 
presses the sexual shift this "Earlier 
in my life, I went by what the older 
men said. You'd hear 'em say, 'Afor 
I ate one, I'd fall in a hole, and I 
thought it was filthy. But once I did it, I 
thought, ‘Hey, this ain't so bad,’ and the 
view of the chick from down there just 
killed me. I think more guys, particular- 
ly young guys, would have gotten into it 
sooner if it wasn't drilled into our heads 
so much that it's nasty. And the fact is, 
you get more young chicks that way. 
Scems like every chick I meet 25 or 
younger wants me to give her some cap 
[head]." 

But despite the recent liberalization 
of sexual attitudes toward oral sex, Chi- 
cago's black community is still basically 
morc conservative than the white one, 
Straight fucking without a whole lot of 
fooling around is the preferred sexual 
activity. 

JoAnne, a 38yearold black career 


woman who admits to a healthy sexual 
ite, sums up the general attitude 
"Once I had this brother over 
who said he'd like to put whipped cream 
all over me and lick it off, and I told 
him there was a can in the refrigerator. 
Why didn't he just go and drink it 
straight, and when he'd, had his fill, 
then, come back and make love?" 


PROSTITUTION 


While Chicago is, at the neighborhood 
level. a moral city, it is also a convention 
city; the number-one convention cil 
with the largest exposition center in 
America, McCormick Place. Last year, 
Chicago hosted 1089 conventions, 174 
trade shows and 15,692 confabs, bringing 
а total of 2,500,000 people into the city 
to spend about $525,000,000. If only five 
of every 100 male conventioneers are 
looking for paid sex when they come to 
Chicago, the lack of it would disappoint 
some 125,000 male visitors a year. And 
Chicago likes happy conventioneers. 
Thus. moral though Chicago is, it needs 
prostitutes to promote business. But it 
just doesn't want to see them. 

Street hookers provide most of the sex 
for sale in Chicago, followed in order 
by B-clubs, massage parlors and discreet 
callgirl operations. Chicago vice police- 


men estimate that 80 percent of Chi 


go's prostitutes are black, 15 percent are 
white and 5 percent arc Hispanic. 

Most of Chicago's hookers come from 
the black ghetros and housing projects 
and from nearby poorer cities: Gary, 
East Chicago, East St. Louis, Moline. 
Compared with prostitute populations in 
other major cities, Chicago has fewer 
drug addicts, This is reflected in the rela- 
tively low number of crimes involving 
hookers robbing or pickpocketing Johns. 
And while most Chicago prostitutes have 
boyfriends, relatively few have pimps. 
Chicago's hookers tend to be independ- 
ent businesswomen, fending for them- 
selves in a legal and political atmosphere 
that demands that they be subtle, clever. 

Chicago prostitutes cannot be too bra- 
zen, for brazenness is taken as a chal- 
lenge by the police, who have developed 
an eerie sense of how obvious prostitu- 
tion can be before it begins grating on a 
neighborhood's sense of morality. The 
mode of dress cannot be too whorish. A 
slightly short skirt, long hair or (as with 
most black prostitutes) a shoulder-length 
ig, boots in the winter, heels in the 
summer. The manner of pickup cannot 
be too obvious, The customer must make 
an offer first. No running out into the 
street and hawking from car to car, no 
congregating in bunches of 12 and 15. 
The girls generally travel їп pairs (par- 
ticularly after a couple of murders of 
prostitutes in 1977 on the Near North 


Side) and take their stations on or near 
street corners, standing in doorways. 

The most common piece of business is 
fellatio—first, because the customers want 
it and, second, because it often takes no 
more than five minutes and can be done 
in parked cars on side streets, gangways, 
alleys or basement parking lots. Some 
prostitutes don't take car tricks because 
they fear being picked up by an under- 
cover cop. These girls like to work at 
intersections where there are three or 
four nearby points of rendezvous, or on 
major avenues or strips. The main areas, 
as of this writing, are: 

+ Rush Street, north of Chicago Ave- 
nue and south of Division and in the 
streets off Rush. 

= In the four square blocks surround- 
ing Dearborn and Oak, sufficiently west 
of the Rush Street section not to be in- 
cluded in it. 

* Broadway, from Belmont north to 
Wilson Avenue, and in the side streets 
off Broadway, is the main street for 
prostitutes in Chicago. It cuts through 
Edgewater, New Town and Uptown, and 
most of the white streetwalkers work 
these neighborhoods, along with a con- 
siderable number of black and Latino 
streetwalkers. 

Prostitution, like nearly everything else 
in Chicago, is divided racially. The trade 
on the South Side is all black, as is most 
of the West Side trade, In the black areas, 
prices are cheaper: $25 gets you a hotel 
room and a fuck. The same $25 in the 
Rush Street area or on Broadway will get 
you no more than a blow job in an alley. 
To lie with the North Side ladies costs 
a total of $40 minimum, between the 
hotel room and the sex, and more, usual- 
ly $50 to 575. On the South Side, extras 
(fellatio or letting a man perform cunni- 
lingus) аге 510-515. On Broadway and 
on Rush, extras cost $15 to $25. Many 
white and Latino prostitutes don't take 
black customers, and if they do, charge 
them extra. 

Obviously, conventioneers have to vie 
with natives for the attention of Chica- 
go's strectwalkers. But if they choose not 
to do so, they can always go to the 
B-lounges, those "clubs" that advertise 
bottomless dancers and charge incredible 
money for a glass of Seven-Up. Native 
Chicagoans seldom go to these places 
more than once or twice if they can find 
sex any other kind of way, because the 
Blounges are unquestionably the least 
value for your money. 

There are a few B-lounges scattered 
through Chicago's northwest suburbs, 
most notably Club Taray and the Roman 
House, which cater to the hotel trade 
around O'Hare Airport. But the largest 
concentration of B-lounges is, of course, 
in the Rush Street area. Within a one- 
block area, one can find more than a 


THE WORLD OF 


“BALLY 


OF SWITZERLAND 


For Style Folder write to BALLY, INC., 444 Madison Avenue, New York, М.Ү. 10022 


“ГИ have to hang up now. I'm about to get a Government grant.” 


PLAYBOY 


210 


half-dozen joints, replete with shills on 
the sidewalk, competing for the out-of- 
town dollar. 

Ata typical operation, one is escorted 
10 а table after having paid six dollar 
at the door for the prerequisite two 
drinks (at some places, you pay four dol- 
lars at the door just 10 get in, then you 
have to buy two drinks). А young won 
ап soon joins vou and introduces herself. 
The next. part is tricky. She whispers in 
your е; Il the things she would like 
to do for vou and offers you the oppor- 
tunity to go to а back room with her to 
split а bottle of champagne. 

A bottle of champagne usually runs 
about 550. In some clubs, it goes for 
h as 8150. In other pl 
gne and, when you 
the back room, she tells you if vou w 
to do апу except talk, vow ll have 
10 come up with more money. Often the 
B-lounges do not actually have liquor 
licenses, so the "beer" 
beer, and the champ: 
or water. Alt 


es, 


you 
tto 


soda 


the proposition has 
been agreed on, co moment 
in merchandising, Since most of the con 
ventioncers and salesmen who are the 
B-lounges lifeblood don't have that kind 
of cash on them, the B-lounges put the 
tol bill on a «тейи cand, A 
Express, Diners Club or Carte Blanche 
are preferred 

А somewhat better deal i 
lounges can be had in € f 
parlors, though they're dy 
present, there 
“leisure spas, 
North Side. 

Unlike New York and Los Angeles sex 
spas, Chicago's advertise little, picking 
up most of their customers. from. word. 
of mouth and. walk-ins, АШ five arc pri- 
vate clubs, which means that before one 
can sample the goods, he 


vican 


the 


ng out fast. At 
only five well-known 
and all but on 


are on the 


ast become 


member. To become a member requires 
Sh to $25 fee and extensive identifica- 
tion, including proof of one’s place of 


employment, The st ion 
equirements are primarily 10 weed out 
vice cops, who nonetheless manage to 


raid most establishments at least five 
times at ye 

Once а me 
or fucking for 595 10 550 
which means that one can get sat 
tion without tipping the girls extra. Most 
parlors offer kinky "extras" for extra 
money, and the most exclusive and well- 
appointed of them has rooms equipped 
with racks, chains and whips. There the 
specialty is “English” —the girls spank 
you or whip you lightly with thin wood 


aber, one is off 


rods. 

While " irls are generally 
prey and the streetwalkers range [rom 
good 10 bad to ugly, the girls in Chicago's 
ge parlors (about half black and 
half white, with an occasional Latino) are 
among the plainest, most loul-tempered. 


women in the world. We are told the 
моту of опе unfortunate man whose 
fetish involved dressing in a nun's i 


nd then being hu 


iliated (4 


whipped, reviled, etc) by a woman. He 
went to a North Side m parlor 
with a paltry stable of four girls, was 


led into the back room with a girl and, 
v tell about his fetish, changed 
into his habi he said. 
She burst into Laughter and shouted, 
“You want to be humiliated? TH humili- 
ме you, you sick motherfucker,” at which 
she threw open the door 10 the room, 
ran out 10 the street and began calling 
to passersby, shouting, "Hey, everybody. 
this nut here wants to be humiliated! We 
got some weirdo in пш» 
outfit who wants his ass humiliated!" The 
customer, too hortified to enjoy his hu- 


here in а 


“Pulling out soon, fella?” 


miliation rlor, leavin 


m the 
regular clothes behind. 

The poor fellow should have known 
that there are better ways to act out 
one's sexual fantasies in Chicago. They 
are expensive, but worth it. They're 
called callgirls. 

"I do not consider myself a m 


Chicago's top org; 
"I prefer to call myself 
I can arrange anything а man wants for 
the right price. Anyth 
For a city as 


to Geraldine, 
ght women like 
herself. women who operate exclusive 
callgirl services for those who can afford 
10 spend S100 a flat hour, $500 a night 
and $1000 for a three-day weekend with 
a genuinely beautiful, fashionable and 
reasonably intelligent young woman who 
considers it her job to please her cus- 
tomer totally, Between them, these call- 
1 madams use the services of perhaps 
ach madam has six to ten 
"regular girls.” who get the largest part 
of her business, and a list of 20 or so 
others who meet the standards expected 
igh-priced. callgirl and are willing 
1 jobs. A Large number 


time girls are stewardesses, 
secretaries and derks in fashionable 
North Michigan Avenue stores. The 


адата arrangement berween the mad- 
ams (most of whom are in their mid-30s) 
and the girls is thar out of every $100, 
the girl gets $60 a 

Geraldine sees her service as 
ng. educational experience for m 
is. "Chicago executives. are 
ht than execs in. other cities, 
like New York and L.A. P have inio- 
duced many of them to the experience of 
multiple sex—threesomes. orgies. I have 
them the chance to see two women 
aking love. I have introduced hundreds 
ol them to cocaine, m Quartludes 
amd poppers. They learn these things 
from me, then take them home to th 
wives. Many а bus ad his wife 
feel they have one up on their counter- 
parts il they've snorted coke or smoked 
Maui Wowie. We teach our customers 
about fashion, new lifestyle trends, and 
so on. My priched by 
their experience.” 

According 10 Geraldine, most orgies 
and other [orms of kinky sex occur in 
private homes. Her kinkiest customer by 
far is а fellow who lives alone and has 
a large howe in an exelusive suburb. 
He tore down all the walls on the first 
floor and put tracks in on the ceiling. 
He's got a harness rigged up so he сап 
hang from the track in mid-air, push a 
button. and float from one end. of. his 
house he other. The service I provide 
is to send over three or four girls who 


en 
of her cl 
more upti 


customers. are 


(Text continued on page 217, "Sex and 
the Law in Chicago" follows on page 212.) 


Alive 
with pleasure! 


Newport 


After all, if smoking 
isn't a pleasure, 
why bother? 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health 


PLAYBOY 


212 


SEX AND THE LAW IN CHICAGO 


Legally, Chi 
city when it comes to sex. There are 
no laws that prohibit specific sexual 
acts between consenting adults and no 
laws aimed at homosexuals. The Chi- 
cago Police Department соп 
most of its efforts on holdi 
prostitution and pornography. 

We say holding down rather th: 
stamping out, because no one in the 
city government, least of all the cops, 
has any hopes of eradicating prostitu- 
tion and porn. It’s doubtful that they 
would even want to. Chicago is Ameri: 
c's number-one convention city, and 
of available good for con- 
n business. 

"The only time the Chicago Police 
Department goes into high gear 
against pornography is just before a 
mayoral election. It was a tradition 
under the administration of the late 
Mavor Daley d it was continued 
by his city council-appointed succes- 
sor, Michael J. Bilandic, in the late 
spring of 1977. just before Bilandic 
went up for clection. 

Bilandic declared a much-bally- 
hooed "porn war,” using the city's 
housing code to inspect adult book- 
stores, find minor violations and close 
them down. But a Federal judge or- 
dered the reopening of most of the 34 
stores closed down, saying the city was 
making selective use of the housing 
ordinance to attack the bookstores. 

Two months later, the city council 
sed an antiporn ordinance (by a 
5-0 vote) that requires that any new 
adult bookstores, adult moviehouses 
or nude and topless bars be confined 
10 specially zoned commercial areas 
and not be located within two blocks 
of a church, school or idential area. 
In effect, the ordi restricts porn 
shops to their present number (about 
40) a n in Chicago, meaning 
that as far as the city council is con- 
cerned, Chicago lias just enough porn. 
to satisfy the local trade and the 
convention trade as well. 

One administration. official —who 
pleaded anonymity for obvious rea- 
s the new attitude goes back 
uth of Mayor Daley 

“The old man really hated pornog 
raphy and he really wanted to get rid 
of it,” he said, "but now he's gonc— 
God rest him—and the new bunch 
't imterested in being zealots, Live 
and let live as long as nobody com 
plains too much—that's the attitude." 

Whatever the official at de, the 
vice-control division of the i 
Police Department has to justify its 
get 


abi 
ус 


pay checks, зо somebody's got to 
busted 


In 1978, vice cops made about 63 
arrests on charges of selling or dis- 
tributing obscene matter, and almost 
of those resulted from raids on 
porn stores. 

The boys in vice also conducted 
three raids in 1978 on the Festival, a 
porn movichouse on the northern end 
of the Gold Coast at 3912 North 

idan Road, where porn-film 
s frequently appear in person 
to pose lor customers with cameras. 

But pornography is by far the lesser 
of two evils in the eyes of Chicago. 
‘The greater is prostitution. 

. 

After a series of scandals the 
carly Seventies concerning police cor 
n in tavern shakedowns (largely 
mous 18th Police District 
North Side and in the 
West Side Austin District), then-po- 
lice superintendent James В. Conlisk 
reorganized vice operations, creating 
an organized-crime division handling 
narcotics, prostitution and gambling. 
Because of the breakup of the old 
district-controlled vice units, organ- 
ized prostitution—whorehouses, pimp 
stables, Mob-controlled prostitutes, 
еїс.—саппо be assured of police pro: 
tection, And because organized prosti- 
tution has pretty much died out, 
except for the B-lounges and a few 
exclusive callgirl services, the sex-for- 
pay field is left largely to the street 
walkers. 

Police estimate that, including part- 
time callgirls, there are 1500 to 2000 
women in Chicago who will sell their 
bodies for money. Of these, an csti- 
mated 1000 are streetwalkers. As а re- 
sult, the majority of the more than 
8000 arrests last year lor prostitu- 
tion were made by beat cops rather 
than by vice cops. (The Chicago Police 
Department also arrested more than 
2000 men last year for prostitution- 
related charges, including pandering, 
pimping, engaging the services of a 
prostitute and prostitution. Few of 
those arrested were male prostitutes, 
d many of those were transvestites 
posing as women to heterosexual cus- 
tomers.) The 25-man vicecontrol unit 
specializes in underground and off 
the-street prostitution, and by the end 
of 1978, vice officers had made 97 raids 
on B-dubs, 33 raids on massage раг 
lors, 218 raids on callgirl operations 
(which could range from one girl to 
a stable of girls), 116 raids on houses 
ol ill fame (many of these arc i 
cluded in the callgirl busts) and. 114 
-the only felony 


5- 


arrests for pande 
in Ilinois’ prosi 


Soliciting is a class-A misdemeanor 
under Illinois law, punishable by a 
maximum $1000 fine and one vc: 
і and minimum of 
served—the 24 to 48 hours a hooker 
is jailed before she goes to court. 

‘Therefore, 95 percent of the pros- 
titutes arrested plead guilty for time 
served, and the judges usually let 
them go. The reality is that prostitu- 
tion busts in Chicago are a mere ritual 
designed to keep both the girls and 
the cops on their toes. U 5, the 
C.P.D. placed moi 
resting streetwalkers than on arresting 
customers. But inc ed 
plaints from the districts where street- 
walkers congregated соп 
C.P.D. to begin using customer a 
as a deterrent to street prostitution. 
From 1976 through last year, the 
C.P.D. has conducted at lea 
“John raids" а усаг using pol 
coys. The most massive one occurred 
last December. Code-named Opera 
tion Angel, the operation involved 
100 police decoys and resulted in the 
arrests of 40 prostitutes and nearly 
600 customers. 

According to police public-relations 
director Lieutenant Dave Mozee, "We 
know prostitution can never be clim 
inated. But we try to keep the pros 
tutes in constant motion. We don't let 
them settle in one area too long. That 
way, they don’t get to be a chronic 
nuisance y single neighborhood 

B-clubs, those bars with nude 4 
ers and spermstained back rooms, are 
considered a chronic nuisance. The 
Chicago City Council had а long- 
standing ordinance against B-girls 
until 1977, when the ordin: was 
ruled unconstitutional by a state 
court because it discriminated against 
women. Before then, undercover po- 
lice agents played a cat-and-mouse 
game with B-lounge operators, closing 
them down occasionally in flurries of 
raids. But now, Chicago's dozen or so 
B-lounges operate freely until an or- 
ance to replace the first one is 
drafted under the post-Daley admin- 
istration of Mayor Bilandi 

Prostitution and pornography will 
never flourish in Chicago. An assist- 
ant state's attorney who prefers to 
remain anonymous said: “Law-en- 
forcement officials in New York and 
San Francisco consider us a Bible Belt 
town. But it's not that we have а mor- 
al war against sex traffic, Is that e 
cessive prostitution and. pornography 
lead to seedy neighborhoods and seedy 
neighborhoods are dangerous. We just 
want visitors to feel that Chicago's 
safe place to walk around.” 


time 


1870. The first transcontinental train trip. 
On May 23, eight of the most elegant 

train cars America had ever seen — 

steamed oul of Boston for the Pacific Coast, nm 
with 129 distinguished guests aboard. 


in the mahogany-paneled smoker, 
what other Kentucky whisky would have 
been more appropriate than Early Times? 


— 
And when they gathered to celebrate ( ©: ШЕ 


Today, its smoothness is just as prized. 

Because we're still slow-dislilling it the same 
way we did in 1860. So you don't have to 3 

look back to the good old days. You can look 
forward to ils great taste tonight. TODAY 


B6 OR ВО PROOF • EARLY TIMES DISTILLERY CO., LOUISVILLE, KY.©:1978. 


PLAYBOY 


214 


“Its new allright, but it’s not very exciting." 


Canyon Cat. 


When it comes to 
all-around performance, 
nobody out-performs 
Suzuki 

Case in point The GS-550E. 

This popular middle- 
weight offers the best of two 
worlds: Small bike agility And 
big bike power 

Its cat-like nimbleness is 
the result of several factors. 
Namely, a light but rigid chas- 
sis, well-balanced design and 
exceptional action from front 
forks and rear shocks. 

Its power comes from 
Suzuki's proven 4-stroke DOHC 
engine. Which delivers snappy 
acceleration for passing. And 
steady power for cruising. 
Matching gearbox is a smooth. 
6-speed. 

Impressed? Heck, we just 
started. This baby is equipped. 


with beefy disc brakes front and 
rear. Sporty mag-type wheels. 
High-performance tires. Electric 
starting. Custom saddle. Digital 
gear indicator And an electri- 
cal terminal for accessories. 
Fact is, it comes with most every- 
thing except a high price tag. 

Now you know why the 
GS-550E is one of the world's 
great performers. 


Suzuki. 


The performer. 


Ride safely: wear a helmet, eye protection and appropriate riding apparel. Member Motorcycle Safety rounaation / 


Escape to the Islands tonight. 


round 
nd on 

this 
1 puts on a bumblebee outfit 
nd flies through the ai ing buzzing 
noises with his penis out and ‘poll 
the flowers. But please don't mention 
. because he might recognize himself 
aldn't want him embarrassed. 


dress up like flowers, w 
their heads and everythi 


h petals 


Suppose, we suggested, we change the 

hu d. fy- 
ing along, licking nectar ош of the 
flowers? 


"Well I guess thats all right He 
wouldn't recognize himself that way, I 
n'i think. 
We found one fi 
seraldine ng. She admits 
despite hı ice, Chicago isn’t really 
the place to be when one wants to blow 
one's c . "When people with 
money in Chicago really want to go all- 
Out sexually,” she says, “they generally 
fly to New York. 


1 comment from 


с 


swi 


RS 
The ri 
al 


sht to remain апо 


mous is a 


revealed that six percent of the adults in 
the Chicago arca had been to sex parties 
at least once. There are probably no 
more than 6000 couples in Chicago in- 
volved га 
ing, and the threat of discovery compels 
most of them to live double lives. Exper 
enced Chicago swingers say they've met 
many a famous public figure passing him- 
self off as John Smith, 


some sort of organized. sw 


awful lot of couples are Joh 
and Mary Doe, who give out only a P.O. 
Box rather than a phone number or 


LaCroix is a rather anonymous 
type himself. He's of medium build but 
hard and lean, like a wrestler, and he 
wears his longish blond hair in the ma 
droopy mu 


look, He wears tight-fitting clothes and 
leaves his shirt unbuttoned two-thirds of 
the way down. His girlfriend, Robin, is 
sleek and very sensuouslooking, with 
dark hair, dark complexion and a small. 
erotic. mouth with perpetually pursed 
lips. (She's also “ 2 meani 

ngs both ways.) They look | 
other mid-American couple on the way 
to a rock concert 

Mike, 36. makes his ire living off 
With Robin's help, he holds 
which are opportunities for 
swingers to тесі other swingers. Workin 
from a mailing list of 3000. (comprised 
of personal contacts, members of a club 
and bar he used to run and from a swing- 
ing magazine he used to publish), L 
Croix invites 60 couples once a month to 
а suburban-hotel banquet room, usually 
in Rosemont, near Chicago's O Hare Ай 
port. Many times, couples arrange to rent 


g she 
swi 


any 


“socials,” 


а room th 


night if they mect couples 


equally primed, while other couples 
merely go home with a few phone 
numbers and make their arrangements 
later. 


For those hot to wot on the premises, 
d. He rents a large 
h the banquet room, 
n the party room," he smiles, 
orgy time.” In the orgy room, you don't 
have 10 swing. but you do have to take 
off your clothes at the door. 

obing breaks the ice," says La- 
Croix, "but it also has ks. It all 
depends on the first six or seven couples 
who arrive. If the first people up in the 
orgy suite are potbellied men smokin 
ars, the good-looking people are going 
y. “This ain't for us." 

Because Mike's is such a popular club, 
and because the people who attend h 
socials have a lot of money to spend, the 
hotels he operates in wink at the goings 
on. Mike collects $15 per couple (520 
if hors d'oeuvres are served) at the doo 
lets the hotel operate a cash bar and gets 
the banquet room free (the hotel know- 
ing a lot of rooms will be rented. that 
night). 

Mike is an entrepreneur. His pride 
comes not from his sexual prowess ("For 
me, twice in one night is a good night") 
but from his ability to get rich off Chica- 
go swinger. He now nets about S800 
to 51000 а month from Executive North, 
the name of his swinging club, but he says 
he has the backing to open the first о 
ig club in Chicago, modeled 
10% Retr in New York. Hed 
charge 525 per couple, which he figures 
would net him about $20,000 a month 
Mike says he's completed all the legal 

: the only thing he sees standin 
s Chicago's conservative po- 


"Chi Is behind Ne 
York, теп behind Los Angeles. Running 
ап on-premises club in Chicago will be 
difficult until the Daley- 
Catholic machine cracks. Card 
dictates the sexual attitudes of Chicago. 
not Bilandic. Anything else, crime, mu 
der, can run rampant here, but not sex. 
. 
nine р.м. on Saturday 


Once a month, 


night, 50 or 60 people, mostly married, 
mostly in their Тате 2s to mid-10s, 
gather in Don Jameson's four-bedroom 


bun; 


alow im a predominantly Polish 
hborhood on the Northwest Side of 
Chicago. At the door, each couple 
Don 515. Don, а 10-year-old former semi- 
pro Iootball player. is holding an orgy 
For their 515, couples get a few drinks 
in Jameson's basement bar. where social 
izing amd negotiations for the evening 
are conducted, Occasionally. someone 
will walk into the basement without 
dothes, bur most nights, it’s like any 
other cocktail party down there 
Upstairs is where the action 


takes 


place. Two of the bedrooms have no 
“Those are for fe 
Don vs. 


doors. 


somes to cight- 


Anybody са 


is equipped with two double beds. 
other is all pillows and carpe 1 get 
a lot of people who come to watch," he 
says. "Why should I cere if a guy just 
wants to watch?” 

Don's about 6'2”, a rugged 190 and 
something of a peacock: His clothes ft 
perfectly, he wears expensive jewelry and 
perpetual sunglasses. A native Chicagoan, 
Jameson has been swinging for nine 


go couples. He admits that swing 
is "85 percent of my existence. 
total income comes [rom | 
a few real-estate investmen 
regular job but drives a white Cadillac. 
Don has seen it all. It is mere routin’ 
when one of his friends calls to invite 
Don over to watch a dog fuck the friend's 
wife. It is just another day's work whe 
he picks up 1. blindfold her, ties 
her up and delivers her to 
house with a dungeon in the basem 
where the girl (whose fantasy he’s creat 
ing) is chained to a gigantic wheel and 
tortured by Don's friend. Meanwhil 
Don goes upstairs and, along with an 
other friend, sandwiches the wife of the 
man who owns the house. "We have 
had. fantastic t says Dou, "and we 


es" 
nds. 
s seen so much. in fact. that 
у ary kink hardly moves him at 
all anymore. “Like, I was in my friend's 
dungeon one night and he's chaining his 
wife to а cross. He put a hood over her 
head and a rubber dildo in her mouth. 
"Then he put her in this corset that 
shrunk he st and pushed. her hips 
out. Then he used a vibrator on her. 
It was sting. you know, and 1 


ol thing where 1 tho 
wait to do it aga 


are virtually 
excluded from the organized swinging 
circuit, they have to swing on their own. 
Most orgies are held by private men's 
clubs, which invite an assortment of Iree- 
thinking women and prostitutes to 
jointly kept secret apartment. (f. any 
club members are married) or a hotel or 
motel, Live sex shows are popular warm 
ups for these orgies, along with lun 
contests such as “whose dick can fill a 
shot glass" There is a cer sense of 
humor about the whole th the 
South Side that the North Side swingers 
lac 
The Gents are a 
re mostly professional or manager 
blacks between the ages of 30 and 
who live in or near the upperincome 
residential section of the South Side 
called Chatham. When the Gents hold a 
“club set,” they charge 510 per person at 


ag on 


bers 


1 
10, 


club whose mei 


217 


PLAYBOY 


218 


PLAYBOY'S CHICAGO 
TELEPHONE SURVEY 


Chicago is the birthplace of pLavnoy. 
We've been here for over 25 years, but 
we feel that we are just beginning to 
get to know the city. The rest of the 
country thinks of Chicago as the sec- 
ond city, the place where your luggage 
gets lost. The city of wide shoulders 
and the women who like to ride them 
The Chicago Seven. The Democratic 
machine. The city that works. We 
wondered what our neighbors thought 
of themselves, and so we commissioned 
an outside firm to conduct a tele- 
phone su 
ed people between the ages of 18 and 
40. We wanted to define the commu- 
nity standards of our home town, to 
ascertain the sexual temperature of 
the Windy City. The results, when 
compared with our first telephone 
survey of Miami, were enlightening. 

How do Chicagoaus rate their city? 
We asked people to estimate the sex- 
ual temperature of Chicago and four 
other major cities. Chicagoans were 
fairly restrained. They ranked Miami 
id 65, placed themselves at a 
moderate 70, behind New York (74) 

nd Los Angeles (77). Las Vegas was 
arm 83. Apparently, Chica- 
goans are used to the cold. The aver- 
age of their га good. 
deal cooler than the ge of the 
temperature ratings given. by Miami- 
as (their averag astounding 
percent) 
1 become 
more sexually permissive in the past 
five years, and 56 percent thought 
that the overall temperature was on 
the rise, Once we found a high 
degree of loy ?4 percent thought. 
kind of town and a 
ne percent 
thought that it was a good place to 
live, And 83 percent thought there 
was a lot to do. 

What kind of things? We asked thc 
itizens to agree or dis:gree with vari- 
ous si 

Sixty percent thought that or 
ized crime had a free hand іп the 
Chicago area, So much for The Un- 
touchables. 
ht-nwo percent thought that 
se had increased over the past 


vey of 554 randomly select- 


—ап 


ements about Chicago. 


ine percent said that if a 
person w he could fi 
place to gamble in the Chicago 
even though it was illegal. 

Sixtysix percent thought that there 
had been an increase in the number 
lult bookstores. 


aned и 


Ninety-four percent. acknowledged 
the existence of gay bars in the area 

Eighty-one percent knew of places 
where prostitution was openly prac- 
ticed. Fifty-seven percent noted. that 
the numb e parlors had 
increased over the years. An aston- 
ishing 46 percent thought that police 
were closing their eves to prostitution 
in the Chicago area. 

Those figures give a rough picture 
of the general moral climate of the 
city. How comfortable are Chicagoi 
with that climate? Not very. The 
Miami telephone survey revealed that 
our Southernmost city was surprisingly 
nt of homosexuality, prostitu- 
tion and porn. In contrast, Chicago- 
is revealed a strong. urge to repress 
the sexuality of their brothers. Graft 
nd corruption are business as usual. 
Sex is not. Consider: 

Adult movies: Fifty-nine percent of 
our sample thought adult films should 
be allowed in the Chicago a Seven- 
ty percent knew someone who had 
been to an X-rated Hick, while 
cent had gone themselves. Of the lat- 
ter, only a third reported that they 
һай enjoyed the experience. Chicago- 
ans, apparently, know what they don't 
ke and, not liking it, are less inclined 
10 subject their neighbors to it. 

Pornogra phy: Only 48 percent of the 
people with whom we talked thought 
that adult bookstores should be al- 
lowed in the Chicago arca. Filty-one 
percent said they knew someone who 
has used a porn shop and one third 
reported having browsed in them. 
hirtytwo percent of those confessed 
to having purchased erotic material 
ad 68 percent said they had found 
those purchases stimulating. Only 23 
percent of the people we polled had 
ever opened a sex manual, such as 
Masters and Johnson's or The Joy 
of Sex. 

Prostitution: Only 47 percent of 
the people we interviewed thought 
massage parlors should be allowed to 
exist—a slightly higher percentage 
than those who tolerated the women 
on the street (37 percent). Twenty- 
seven percent knew someone who had 
been to a prostitute, but only 1.7 
percent had been themselves. 

Homosexuality: Sixty percent of the 
people we interviewed thought. that 
ау bars should be allowed to exist. 
Twenty-eight percent. knew someone 
who had been to a gay bar, while a 
surprising 17 percent had gone to a 
gay bar themselves. 


the door (many single men come, since 
the Gents make sure there are exta 
women there) and 515 per couple. 
k swingers are even more cool 
about their thing than the w 
member lot 
swinging 
Two dudes decide to do it to one of th 
girlfriends. Or a pair of couples just de 
cides to wade oll. Or a party with a 
bunch of folks inclined to get naked sud- 
denly becomes an orgy. That kind of 
thing. But when blacks swing, they some- 
imes go on for two, three s. They 
don't do it so often, but when they do, 
опе comes to such a party prepared to 
savor flesh with people also there to 
savor flesh, We immerse ourselves in 
flesh until we are satisfied. 
Black swingers are more wary of new- 
comers th are whites. "You have to be 
around for a while,” the member says. “We 
get to know some n, say, а bar, H a 
couple keeps dropp: ts that they're 
looking Гог a sce ally someone 
who's connected to a scene will subtly 
quest m until everybody ] 
understanding. Then, maybe the new 
couple gets invited to a party." 


cays 


Chicago has always had a surprisingly 
liberal attitude toward the estimated 
160,000 homosexuals who live in the area. 
The state legal code is more protective of 
зау rights than are the laws of most 
states, But everything in Chicago hinges 
on discretion, and in return for its benign 
eglect, Chicago has asked only that the 
gays refrain from running it, so to speak, 
into the ground 

Most Chicago homosexuals work, and 
many in high-paying jobs. Most of them 
live on the North Side and, like every 
other special group in Chicago. they 
have their own. neighborhood. Gay real- 
te developers have nearly taken over 
roughly mile and a half square area of 
the North Side called New Town. New 
Town (not to be confused with Old 
Town or Uptown) was once called Lake- 
nd it died as a neighborhood ten 
years ago, as whites were replaced by 
ont black, Latino and Am 1 

families, Rems were cheap, the 
nents Large: the buildings were rich 
hitecture and there were plenty of 
empty storefronts available. Is nearness 
to the lake gave it great investment. po- 
tential, which gay businessmen imme- 


ely recognized. Gays began buying up 
New Town property, restoring it, and 


very soon, property values іп New Town 
began to skyrocket. Apartments that ten 
years ago rented for $120 a month now 
rent for S400 a month. Almost overnight, 
New Town became the gay ghetto, 
"Homo Heights” as some call it. About 
three quarters of New Town's population 
is male, between the ages of 17 and 40. 
Their salaries range from 512,000 to 
560,000 and many of them have colle; 


= AND THIS SPITFIRE WENT TO TOWN. 


There's something about a Spitfire that brings out the 
pure joy of driving—any type of driving. 

It could well be the practical side of Spitfire. A seven- 
cubic foot lockable trunk and storage space behind the 
seats. The incredible 24-foot turning circle (over seven 
feet shorter than a VW Rabbit) which makes parking a 
breeze. And the optional electric overdrive transmission. 

Perhaps the reason is as simple as the convertible top, 


For the name of your nearest Triumph dealer coll: 800-447-4700. In Illinois call 800-322-4400. British Leyland Motors Inc., Leonia, New Jersey 07605. 


which makes Spitfire one of the few classic roadsters. 

Or maybe it's the competition proven sports car features 
of Spitfire. Fully independent suspension, front disc brakes, 
а rugged 1500cc engine, rack and pinion steering, and 
radial ply tires. And Spitfire's record of 13 national racing 


championships. PEN 
Whatever the reasons, it seems that Spitfire ТтимРн 
drivers naturally seem to have more fun. Зе 


TRIUMPH SPITFIRE 


JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT. 


PLAYBOY 


220 


THIS MONTH ІМ WW 


эни 


FROM JULIA IN THE 
CENTERFOLD TO THE 
NEW JAMES BOND GIRL, 


you'll meet the loveliest people in 
the pages of ош this month. 
Beatrice Libert, a former Miss 
Belgium, makes her screen debut 
in the new James Bond flick 
Moonraker this Christmas. But our 
readers don't have to wait until 
the holidays. They can see all of 
Beatrice in the April ou. The April 
ou! also: warns you of new ways 
science can play with your brain; 
rates the new superbikes; profiles 
weird Edward Gorey, the man 
behind Dracula; teaches you how 
to cheat at cards, so you'll know 
if someone is hustling you; plays 
Straight man to Frank Zappa; and 
shows you how to make a few 
bucks off the new airline discount 
fares. This month, ош will leave 
you shaken and stirred. 


good, since most gay men i 
strive to obtain "crea 
them flexible hours: hair stylist, photo 
stylist, creative director, art director, win- 
dow-dressing consultant, etc. Chicago 
gays have learned New Том lesson 
well, and the single most popular goal 
5 to purchase a piece of 
0 respects property. 
ise of the high rents in the ai 
where gays choose to live, many share 
runents with one or two other men, 
not so much for love as for sex е 
nomics. Having vely high c 
incomes and no families to support 
lows them to spend a consid 
amount of money on their sexual 
styles; in New Town, the av 


Chicago is a two-season city, 
ing also has two seasons: indoor 
The outdoor scason is sum- 
ide from the streets of New 
g arcas are (where 
else?) along the lake front. There are two 
hot spots, one major and one minor. The 
minor one is the rocks at Belmont, which 
has become Chicago's first real gay beach. 
ns go there, and po- 


ts, despite the fact 
that dope is smoked openly. 
The major spot for men is Lincoln 


rk, which, like Griffith Park іп Los 
Angeles, has been a gay cruising ground 
for ma rs. But each year, as Chicago 
gays have felt a litle more powerful, 
little more daring, the scene in Lincoln 
Park has gotten a little closer to the edge. 
Most of the action takes place at night 
behind a refreshment stand at the north 
end of the park, where pathways so worn 
they will never grow grass dead in 
out, around, and up and down two sin 
hills (dubbed "homo hills" by park reg- 
ulars). Most of the sex is oral, the ever 
popular group grope (three or more m 
feeling cach others crotches) and 
fucking, which gays say of an 
art form. Those into geiting fucked are 
casy to spot because they never drop their 

nts and. wear long raincoats to conceal 


the fact that their pants have a split s 
intl 


back. 

stitution is also ап outdoor 
Bughouse Square, 
the nickname for the park in front of the 
Newb Libr: on Walon Sweet, 
where people used to gathi М 
lic debates on weighty social issues, has 
now become a prime location for gay 
hustlers. Most of those who ha 
€ young run: s and men trying 
k younger than they are, The boys, 
perween 15 and 18 y 
are for sale. The men who drive to the 
park 10 purchase their services are from 
the suburbs or from farther out of town. 
Many of them are n d and only have 
homosexual sex far from home. 


of age, 


Probably the number-one indoor cruis- 
ing arena on the North Side is The Cen- 
tury, a multilevel indoor shopping mall 
just north of Diversey on Clark. 
just not gay if you haven't 
cruised The Centu 


ed the life of the diel 
cruising gay. You take the elevator to the 
top, then slowly come down the circu 
ramp or pose on the rail. And t 
make eye contact with someone.” 
Just as there are two heterosexual Cl 
cagos, the white and the black, so the 


y ones, "There's a lot of ethnic 
among black gays," say 


old bisexual tc: 
who go to the North 


e of white homose: 
says the school- 
ally 


white straights 
ГИ put it th 
teacher. 
hits on a straight black 
he's less 
if a white faggot hits on your average 
white straight. It’s just safer to be homo- 
sexual in the black communit 
aren't many y 
because (unlike the North 
nd straights mingle fairly 
comfortably in the popular South Side 
singles bars. The Godfather bars 
prime places for gay pickups as well as 
straight. The most popular black gay bar 
is the Jeffery Pub, a very ordinary-looking 
small room with one counter, seats along 
the walls and a narrow aisle betwee 
atmosphere in the Jeffery Pub is usu 
subdued, reflecting the generally casua 
and low-key style of most Chicago black 
gays. Gay life on the South Side does 
have its ky moments, how One 
South Side prociologist who has a nun 
ber of gay patients recalls removing t 
ping-pong balls from one patient and 
three navel oranges from another. Has 
Anita Bryant heard about this? 
E 

In closing, one observation: Although 
Chicago is the sex capital of the Midwest, 
one probably has to be a Midwesterner to 
appreciate it. It's a cool city, surprisingly 
reserved for one of its size. Berween the 
cold winters and the pervading inlluence 
of Catholi ‚ people don't readily 
remove their clothes together, And when 
they do, it’s not the casual sex one finds 
in warmer climes. It's sex for а рауой: 
money, secu marriage. 
nv other single ingredi 
fueled by money. Nc 
looks or makes his living. 
s bound to have better luck if he's 
ardly mobile. Or, put simply: If 
you're looking for sex in Chicago, you 
not only have to work at it, you have to 
work jor it. Only the fush survive. 


mora 


In comparative tests, 


students attending U.C.L.A. judge 
ESS superior to JBL, Bose, Pioneer, 
AR, and Cerwin Vega. 


Іп a recent blind listen- 
ing test involving hundreds of 
students attending UCLA, 
ESS speakers were judged 
superior in overall perform- 
ance to other top speaker 
brands, sometimes by mar- 
pe of nearly 

to 1. The con- 

trolled test 

was conduct- 

ed under the 

supervision of 

an indepen- 

dent national 

testing labora- 


tory 
The partici- 
pants compared ESS against 


comparably priced models 
from Bose, JBL, Pioneer, AR 
and Cerwin Vega, in an en- 
vironment designed tosimul- 
ate home listening condi- 
tions Loudness differences 
were electronically equalized 

For three continuous days, 
fours of up to 30 students 
istened, without knowledge 
of the speaker model or 
brand, to the same musical 
material played on all the 


ЕСІГІ 


F m 
азаншы) 
CERWIN VEGA 312 звз ре” 


ED 
| T ARI A 
pontem нозо заво ee 
ыс: ;:...:.- 
| nm— 
ڪڪ‎ 
| | К | 
таны с: н> >; 
speakers. They were then 
asked to choose which speak- 
er, in their opinion, sounded 
best. Tests were conducted 
for clarity, accuracy and free- 
dom from distortion. 
Students repeatedly se- 
lected ESS speakers in 13 out 
of 14 head-on comparison 
tests—even, as the graph 
above reveals, when com- 
pared to far more expensive 
competitive brand models. 

5 project technicians ас- 
knowledged that they were 
notsurprised. “We would not 
have conducted such con- 
trolled, precisely monitored 
tests, had we not been confi- 
dent of the superiority of the 
ESS Heil Air Motion Trans 
former.” The Heil Air Motion 
Transformer midrange tweet- 
er, invented by Dr. Oskar 


Heil, creator of the FET, is 
a unique principle of sound 
reproduction licensed 
exclusively to ESS. By 
squeezing the air instead of 
pushing it, the Heil achieves 
degrees of clarity, linearity 
and airiness unattainable 
with conventional drivers.” 
ESS will be conducting the 
same comparison test on col- 
lege campuses across the na- 
tion, Watch for the dramatic 
results from the University of 
Wisconsin at Madison to be 
unveiled in coming weeks. Or 
better yet, visit your local ESS 
dealer and ask him to let you 
take the ESS Listening Test 
personally. See if you, too, 
can't hear the difference. 


Take the ESS 
Listening Test 
yourself 


sound as clear as light 


22) 


PLAYBOY 


222 


YEAR IN MUSIC .............. 


“Crossover was the Holy Grail for the folks in the 
burgeoning Latin-music industry.” 


а onetime Presidential candidate, рі 
Salt Peanuts at the White House. And a 
new college-bred audience gave such 
stalwart support to resurrected beboppers 
Gordon, Sonny Rollins 
lin, who came back from 
15 years of voluntary exile in. Europe, 
that work began on a film biography ol 
the greatest bebopper, Charlie Parker, 
with Richard Pryor cast as the bedeviled 
saxophonist. Black music also got recog- 
n from the Natio lucational 
elevision network, which contracted 
Ashford and Simpson to host a 20-part 
history of same, and from the industry 
itself, as Kenny Gamble and Ed Wright 
founded the Black Music Association of 


ved 


America in Philadelphia, where disco is 
King: ironically, Philadelphia also saw 
the establishment of the na first all- 


k symphony orchestra 
likely as it сето, the countrv-music 
business was i ogous to 
that of jazz in 1978. Like jazz, country 
music was received at the White House, 
And the key word in Nashville was also 
crossover, as the music business worked 

rd all across the board to break down 
egorics it had worked so hard to 
hı. Dolly 


U 


arton went mainstream 


^m going to need a Бат] bag." 


front d center as a media heroine: 
country records suddenly accounted. for 
more than 20 percent of what was played 
on middle-of-the-road radio station: 
and it seemed as if the death of Mothe 
Maybelle Carter during the year sign 
fied the g of an era, as Nashville 
got its first discos, its first. disco. produc- 
tion company (Dillard & Boyce) and 
even its first disco hit, Bill Anderson's 
1 Can't Wait Any Longer. 

ng of disco, it looked a little 
ly in the year, as gay discos in 
admitted straight patrons and 


assi! 


discos in the New York area were resort- 
mmicky extra а 
mimes 


tractions such 
and sex- 


as strippers, jugglers, 
ties in orde 


ic would 
limit its appe: е, and с 
prominent New York disco jock w 
into the . production and mix- 
ing business himself because he was so 
turned off by the quality of product he 
was getting. People in the biz, if you can 
believe this, were talking about the need 
for disco to establish crossover appeal. 
But, of course, everything got straight- 
ened out, New discos opened from Kuala 


cordi 


INTERNAL 
REVENUE 


BOOTH 


Lumpur to Las Vegas, where Paul An 
had own 53,500,000 disco and res- 
taurant, called Jubilation. Studio 54 got 
a $500,000 face lift. Syndicated how-to-do- 
it shows brought disco to television. 
Small's Paradise went disco. So did roller 
rinks around the country, And the Cul- 
tural Affairs Council of the city of Phil 
ed its [ree ope rock 
concerts with disco, to eliminate those 
rowdy rock. audiences (disco crowds are 
presumably more passive). By June, 
ble to report that disco 
nated four billion 


was grossing 


dollars а year, courtesy of a world-wide 
50,000,000 


audience of 
people. 
Crossover was also the Holy 
the folks in the burgeoning Li 
industry, and the people at the big record 
companies were paying more and more 
tention, especially at CBS, which staged 
a two-day free Ге nd talent hunt in 


10,000,000 to 


Havana, finally ng а local group 
called Ir: 
Bur if ialinterest group had 


пег year іп 1978, it was the 
yers. Maybe it was because the stakes 
were getting higher; maybe the industry 
was just following the rest of society in 
becoming more litigious. But everywhere 
you looked 1978, music-business 
people were in court, for one reason 
or another. CBS and Bob Dylan ganged 
up on little Folkways Records to stop 
distribution of an LP called Bob Dylan 
vs. A. J. Weberman (Weberman was the 
"garbologist" who raided Dylan's cans; 
sec Playboy After Hours, page 98). Dylan 
and CBS sought 57,500,000 in damages. 
The executors of Terry Kath’s will joined 
the surviving members of Chicago in su- 
ig to get away from the group's longtime 
producer, James V 
ing he had wrongly withheld royalty mon- 
cy for administrative fees and asking for 
$10,000,000 ago and 
CBS together sued several manufacturers. 
the U 4 Canada to halt sales of 
an LP based on a concert the group gave 
in Toronto in 1969. The Grateful De: 
Round Records and two m 
ing companies sued United 
record royalties, 5180.000 іп 
royalties, $407,000 in "ner 
profits,” 550,000 in unreimbursed айу 
tising costs and $5,000,000 in punitive 
€ Roshkind, à Motown v 
ndicted by a 
and larer convicted of, income-tax 
evasion in 1972 and 1973. Former Beatles 
manager Allen Klein was trying to avoid 
a second trial on similar charges at year's 
end, after be istried once. Marvin 
e filed bankruptcy papers. Fania Rec- 
ords, tops in the field, sought 
52,000,000 in compe y and puni 
damages from 13 New York-arca гер 


law- 


© 1979 RJ, REYNOLOS TOSACCOCO. 


1 didn't 


sacrifice 


great flavor 
to get 
low tar’ 


"The first thing | expect from a cigarette is flavor. And 
satisfaction. Finding that in a low-tar smoke wasn't easy. 
“Butthen I tried Vantage. Frankly, I didn't even know 
Vantage was low in tar. Not until [looked at the numbers. 
“That's because the taste was so remarkable it stood ир 
toanything I'd ever smoked. 

X "For me, switching to 

„ * Vantage was an easy move to 
make. I didn't have to sacrifice a thing” 


Peter Accetta 
New York City, New York. 


m fl 


ІШІ 
BOLT 


В mg. nicotine, FILTER, MENTHOL: 7 

av. per cigarette, ЕТС Report MAY 78. ап a 
poteet Ys 

Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined ? Regular, Menthol and Vantage 1005. 

That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


i FILTER 1005.10 mg. "tar". 


223 


PLAYBOY 


224 


Olivia claimed damages in excess of 
$10,000,000, while the company asked for 
a n lv $1,000,000. o Barbieri’ 
neighbors went to court to stop him 
from practicing іп his Ne 
ment, Steve Lawrence and Ey 
also went 10 court, charging Columbia 


Чез. RCA and Vernon Presley, 
ther, went to court to stop dis- 
tribution of Tell Me Pretty Baby, a rec- 
ord that the producers claimed was cut 
by Elvis on a visit to Phoenix, before he 
began bis documented career at Sun 
Records in Memphis. Gladys Knight 
sued. Buddah, d, ves, her sup- 
ips for a total of 
0,000, hoping to get away from 
them and start over as а solo act with 
Columbia. Naturally, Jerry Lee Lewis 
went to court, too; he was fined S900 and 
given a yca 
suspended sentence, on a ch 
ing while drugged. Four Brunswick execs 
were acquitted of charges that they sold 
records under the counter, thus depriving 
nd a pro- 
based on the Nixon 


led 
nst any e of the tapes until 
overnment archivists had first crack at 
them (the producer of thc LP was so 
enamored of the project that he distrib- 
uted 200 copies of a mock-up, with blank 
spaces surrounding Scott's n ive bits, 
to people in the industry). 

All of which suggests that for ng 
people hoping to make it in music to- 
day—and, according to a 1978 Gallup 


“The massage parlor has been good to 


Poll, there are 50,000,000 amateur musi- 
cians honing their chops o 
door—the most logical path might not be 
to learn to play an instrument, or to wi 
a song. Or even to visit a plastic surgeon. 
It might simply be to hit the books hard 
and get into the best law school possible. 
° 
And now here at 
your voting: 


last, the results of 


RECORDS OF THE YEAR 
BEST POP/ROCK LP: Aja / Steely Dan 
(ABC). Thinking man's pop/rock that last 
fall cut through the sludge accumulated 
at the top of the charts and floated up to 
number one. Not bad for a group named 
after a dildo. 


-ANIHBLUES LP: АЙ ‘п АП 7 
J. On the soar- 
ing strength of Serpentine Fire, this 
album became an enormous crossover 
hit—and helped to make E.W.&F. the 
biggest money maker on Colum 

BEST COUNTRY-AND-WESTERN LP: Hearf- 
breaker / Dolly Parton (RCA). What can we 
say? She surely is. 

BEST JAZZ LP: Feels 
Mangione (A&M). The man with 
golden Flügelhorn tore up the ch 
with this one. Rochester, New York's fi 
vorite son obviously has found the magic 
formula 


So Good / Chuck 
the 
18 


BEST POP/ROCK LP 
1. Aja / Steely Dan (ABC) 
2. Darkness at the Edge of Town | 
Bruce Springsteen (Columbia) 
3. Running on Empty | Jackson Browne 
(Asylum) 


us, Joe.” 


өзе 


20. Life Is a Song Worth Sing 


а Living in the 


. Hot Streets | Chicago (Colu 
. City to City | Gerry Rafferty (0 


. Songs in the 


. Saturday 2 


. Bob Marley & the Wailers (Isl 
. Champagne Jam | Atlanta Rhythm 


. Saturday Night Fever | Bee Gees 


(RSO) 


. Some Girls | Rolling Stones (Rolling 


Stone Records) 
The Stranger | Billy Joel (Columbia) 


. Who Are You | The Who (MCA) 


Don't Look Back j Boston (Epic) 


. Double Vision | Foreigner (Atlantic) 
. Fifty Second Street. | Billy Joel 


(Columbia) 
Out of the Blue | Electric Light 
Orchestra (Columbia) 


in Town | Bob Seger 


. | Linda Ron- 
stadt (Asylum) 


Artists) 


. Rumows | Fleetwood Mac (Warner 


Bros.) 


. Tormato | Yes (Atlantic) 
. London Town | Win 
. The Last Waltz | The Band (Cap- 


s (Capitol) 


itol) 


. Even Now | Barry Manilow (Arista) 


BEST RHYTHM-AND-BLUES LP 


. All 'n' All / Earth, Wind & Fire (Columbia) 
. Commodores Live (Motown) 
. Donna Summer Live & More (Casa- 


blanca) 


. Natural High | Commodores (Mo- 


town) 

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ight Fever | Bee Gees 


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nd) 


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. Natalie Cole Live (Capitol) 
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. Blue Lights in the Basement | Ro 


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. Here You Come Again | Dolly Par 


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Waylon and Willie | Waylon Jen- 
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PLAYBOY 


228 


true orig Neil 


Diamond 


in the voting, but the hot surprise entry 

fourth—Bruce —Springsteen—didn’t 

even make the top 20 last time around. 
"They are this year 

Keith Moon 

mond 


1. Bruce Springsteen 
amy Page 

6. Billy Joel 

7. Neil Young 

8. Willie Nelson 

9. Peter Townshend 
10. Jackson Browne 
11. Chuck Berry 

12. Buddy Holly 
Frank Zappa 

an Anderson 

15. Keith Richards 
16. Ronnie п ndt 
17. Chuck Mangione 
18. Terry Kath 

19. Jim Croce 

20. Bu 


READERS’ POLL 

After a couple of y 
top spots seemed 10 be the permanent 
turf of the same superstar repeaters, the 
voting results this time brought us some 
changes and new faces. 

The houest newcomer appeared in the 
Pop/Rock category. No stranger in town 
more, Billy Joel took top slot in the 
mualevocalist, keyboards and composer 
Guegories—not bad at all, considering 


s in which the 


that а yea s name didn't appear 
among the finalists in апу of the three. 
Once again at the top of thei gories 
n Pop/Rock were vocalist Linda Ron- 
stadt and bassist Paul McCartney. Stecly 
Dan, up from number five, grabbed top 
group honors away from Fleetwood. Mac. 
but Mick Fleetwood jumped from num- 
ber 13 last year to the top of the drums 
heap. 

In the R&B category, you stuck with 
more old favorites. In his continuing scc 
saw with Stevie Wonder as best male 
vocalist, Gcorge Benson came out on top 
this time—and Johnny Mathis appeared 
for the t time in a while at number 
four, Welcome back. The big news in 
R&B was Donna Summer, who came 
from 16th place last year to displ 
N іе Cole as best female voc: 
Stevie Wonder did it yet a 
composer, and for the second year in a 
row. Earth, Wind & Fire was counted 
best group. 

You jazz lovers apparently stick by 
your guns—or axes. In no less than seven 
categories, you renewed the lease at the 
top. One especially strong finisher was 
Chuck Mangione, who took both best 
poser and brass player and knocked 
Weather Report down a notch to num- 
ber two in the best group category. 

Good news for Austin and environs in 
the Gountry-and Western voting. Up 
from number five last year, Willie Nelson 
ed top male vocalisi—and we'd 
nk him personally for Stardust. 
ness 


ім. 
aim as best 


was 
like to th 


Otherwise, it was pretty much bu 


as usual, with 1 Ronstadt, Roy С 
and Gordon Lightfoot doing it again in 
their respective smrapies. 


"It wasa skiing accident. Her husband returned 
to the lodge unexpectedly.” 


1979 PLAYBOY MUSIC POLL RESULTS 


POP/ROCK 
MALE vocause 
1. Billy Joel 
Jackson Browne 
Bruce Springsteen, 


1 
i 

6. 

7 arncy 
Я. Robert Plant. 
9. James Taylor. 
amy Buffett 
11. Andy Gibb 
2. Geny Rafferty 
. Roger Daltrey 
Rod Stewart 
Bor Scaggs 


>. Апи Wilson 
6. Donna Summer 
Carly Si 


18. Phoebe Snow 
H. Joan Baez 


20. Carole King 


p 
Clepton 
апач Santana. 


Ted Nugent 

‘eter Frampton 

7. Jeff Beck 
Keith Richard 


Chuck Berry 
Frank Zappa 
Bor Scaggs 
Steve 

Cat Stevens 

George Harrison 
Waddy Wachtel 
Je а 
bertson 
Stephen Stills 


БЕТТІ 


2 
1 
э. Barry Mani 
6. Flen Jo 
w. 
n. 
n 
" 
" 
15, 
w. 
17. 
n 
14 
E 
p 
1. Mick Fleetwood 
2 Carl Palmer 
i. Ringo Stn 


1. Charlie Watts 
5. 1 
8% Rus Ки 
7. Danny Seraphine 
X. Buddy Miles 

ter Criss 

10. Ginger Baker 

HL Stevie Wonder 


12. Nigel Olsson. 
Aynsley Dunb, 


таз 
1. Poul McCartney 
2. Greg Lake. 
Mevie 
Gene Simmons 
j. Perer Cet 
John Entwistle 


Garry Tallent 
Klaus Vi 
. Freebo 
Jack Casady 
Donald “1 
. Chuck Rainey 


ose 
Billy Joel 

Bruce Springsteen 
Jackson Browne 


. Barry Gibb: 
Stevie Wonder 
Neil Diamond: 


Ton Anderson. 
Paul McCartney 
Bob Dylan. 


18. James Taylor 
John 


Rolling мо 
Bob Seger 
Silver Bullet Band 


Foreigner 
Yes 
Crosby, Stills & Nash 
Santana 

Wings 

Kans: 
Pink Floyd 


RHYTHM-AND-BLUES 
MALE VOCALIST 

1. George Benson 

2. Stevie Wonder 

Ray Charles 

Johnny Mathis 

Bob Marley 

б. B. B. King 

Barry W 

. Al Green 

. Marvin Gaye 

Smokey Re 


To Diddley 
Bobby Bland 


20. Bootsy Collins 


хосмазт. 


Simpson. 
Barry Wh 


. Ni Whitheld. 
Frank Wilson 
|. Bobby Eli 


22 
1. Eorth, Wind & 
2. Commodores 
3. Bob су X the Wailers 
D 


Average White В: 


Supremes 
O'Jays 

. Emotions 
18. Love Unli 


Md Melvin & the 
Inc Notes 


JAZZ 
MALE vocas 
1. George Benson 
Lou Rows 


Brook Be 
13. Joe Willi 
14. Jimmy Witherspoon 
Rubby BI: 
i. Billy Eckst 
7. То 
. Mih 
Jo 


Leon Thomas 


FEMALE VOCALIST 
1. Barbre Streisand 
Phoebe Snow 


. Dee Dee Bri 


ШІ? 
7 Was 
г Chet Mak 


. Hube 


h Vaughan. 
Bassey 
Pearl Bailey 
Della Reese 
Melba Mi 
Рекиу Le 


Lena Horne 
Esther Phillips 
Odena 


. Urszula Dudziak 


muss 
Chuck Mengione 


. Doc Severinsen 


Maynard Ferg 
Herb Alpert 


. Miles Davis 


Dizzy C 
James 
Freddie Hu 
Randy Breck 
1 Byrd 
or Walker 
Adderley 

Watrons 


bard 


. J. J- Johnson 


Clark Terry 


Edgor Winter 

Benny Goodman 

Sent 
Washington, Jr. 
Mann 

au 

Parazaider 


Laws 


. Zoot Sims 


ксуколия 
Chick Corea 
Dave Brubeck 


Joe Zawinul 
Les McCann. 
Earl "Fatha" Hi 


. McCoy Tyner 


ll Evans 
Williams 


Lionel Hampton 
Roy Ayers 
Y Burton. 


Richards 


cura 


- George Benson 
. Jeff Beck 
. Al DiMeola 


5 
6 

үй 

R. Joe Pass 
9. 

о. 


m Aberers 
12. Gabor здік» 
13. Tony Моно 
14. Phil Upchurch 
15. 


mass 

Stanley Clorke 

Ron Carter 

3. Charles М 

4. Ray Brown 
Carl Rad 


н. Carol Kaye 
9. Walter Ik 
10. Edd 
ш. An D: 
12. Bob Cransh 
13. Monk Montgomery 


ker 


14. Kater Beus 


e Bruce 
Fielder 


. Jo Jones 
Tony Willi 
2 Mel Lewis 
Мах Roa 
John Cue 
18. Art Blakey 
j. Joc Morello 
30. Alphonse М 


LI 
1. Chuck Mangione 


1. 
5. Stanley Clarke 
©. Herbie Hancock 
7. K m 


9. Bob James 
10. Michel Legrand 


cxour 
Chuck Mangione 
Weather Report 
3. Doc Sew 
. Return to Forever 


i Ferguson 


7 Scot & the 
LA. Express 
в. endos & 
Brasil '88 
Coum Basie 


I. Ray C 
Q 

Dave Brubeck 
13. Deodato 


16. Ramsev Lewis 
7. Herbie Наме 
18. John Meka 
19. Miles Davis 
ell & the 


COUNTRY-AND-WESTERN. 
STALE VOCALIST 
Willie Nelson 


2 Mel Tillis 
| Charley Pri 


© Caodinan 
Jerry Reed 
Jerry Lee Lewis 


FEMALE VOCALIST 
ido Ronstadt 
АШ; 


vlou Harris 
Olivia Newton John 
8. Rita Coolidge: 


Earl Scruggs 
David lWromberg 


7. Doc Watson 
к. Ry Cooder 


Lloyd Gres 
18. Johnny € 
19. Ralph Sta 


comvoser 
1. Gordon Lightfoot 


11. Tom T. Hall 
е Goodman 


13. John Малога 
14. Merle Haggard 
15. Shel Silverstein 
16. 
17. 
18. 


19. Guy Clark 
20. Johnny Rodr 


229 


PLAYBOY 


230 


Burger Court (continued rom page 120) 


“Burger came out of the closet to reveal his belief 
that the press should get no special privileges.” 


not shield the press from such probing. 
But in the same ruling, the Court sug- 
gested that states could help reporters 
protect their notes and sources by enact- 
ing shield laws. Twenty-six states, includ- 
ing New Jersey, took the suggestion and 
by now have passed shield laws. But 
when Farber was ordered to cough up his 


notes in the "Doctor X" murder trial and. 
refused to do so, claiming protection un- 
the shield law, the New Jersey Su- 


t ruled that the law did not 


s Supreme Court—il it wanted to be 
consistent. with its 1979 suggestion— 
should have spoken up on Farber's behalf. 
Instead, goaded by Burger no doubt, it 
refused to listen. to his appeal. The 
ominous silence was accurately inter- 
preted by Columbia law professor Benno 


Schmidt: “When jour 
First Amendment in these cases, they'd 
better face the fact they aren't going to 
get much help from the Supreme Court. 

As far as Bi concerned, that 
had been obvious from the beginning of 


ists rely on the 


Not long after he had been boosted 
nto the highest bench, Burger was con- 
fronted with the famous Pentagon-papers 
Daniel Ellsberg had leaked to The 
New York Times 47 volumes of classified 
documents that showed how the Govern- 
wed the Am à public 
in promoting the Vietnam war. Attorney 
General John. Mitchell asked the Court. 
to force the Times to stop. publicatior 
Unfortunately for Burger, the full com- 
plement of Nixon appointees had not yet 
reached the Supreme Court. So the ma- 


ment had de 


* "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking 
makes it so.’ Shakespeare.” 


jority vote went against him—the Times 
as permitted to continue publication of 
the Pentagon-papers series—and Burger 
was reduced to frothing anger at the 
press’s impudence. How dare the Times 
use those purloined secrets! That a news- 


paper “long regarded as а great institu- 
tion” had failed to turn over the secret 
documents to the Government was shock- 


ing to him—as though the Times w 
no different from taxi drivers, who are 
expected to turn over stolen. property 
they find in the back of their hacks. "It 
Burger gasped. 
The absurdity of such a position, of 
course, а from the fact u the best 
part of the relationship of Government 
and press n is based on 
tolen good: The press is a 
fence. Everyone knows that, and it is a 
good thing. The public is the benefici 
Reporters would get precious litle im- 
nt news if one Government offi 


pror 
that many of the leaks 
sense that some goofy bureaucrat has 
used his rubber stamp to mark them so 
makes no difference at all. Nobody takes 
the secret stamp seriously—except when 
it allows some press baiter like Burger to 
us outrage. 
саке was the first 


in the 


get no special privileges under the First 
ident, This philosophy would ulti- 
ely prevail, as shown by the Court's 
infamous 1978 decision in The Stanford 
Daily case. The quarrel began іп 1971. 
In a riot on the Stanford campus. several 
policemen were injured. They thought 
the student newspaper had taken some 
photos of their attackers, so they wanted 
to look through the Daily's files. Since 
the newspaper itself had commiued no 

ime and wis not suspected of commit- 
. the cops should have asked 
the city prosecutor to issue a subpoena 
for the photos. That way, The Stanford 
Daily would had an opportunity to 
go into court and argue why it thou 
the cops shouldn't be allowed to hi 
I—if it isted. But instea 
g the subpoena route, the cops got 
1 search warrant—a fishing-expedi- 
id of search warrant—and sud- 
nded on the ne office 
icking its files, They came 
npty-handed. 

The Stanford Daily, feeling that it had 
been raped, went to court, When the case 
finally wound up in the Supreme Court 
seven yews later, the Nixonburger bunch 


tion К 
denly de 


were waiting with lead pipes. They 
ruled, five 10 three, that newspapers do 
not have any spe tto a warning 


of a courtapproved search by police, nor 
do newspapers merit an opportunity to 
contest such a search in court before it 
occurs, 

The Burger Court hi 


also significantly 


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ЕТЕР Serie 


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ээ © 1979 Sony Corp of America SONY 
isa registered trademark of Sony Corp 


PLAYBOY 


232 


weakened the press's protection against 
libel suits, but as Floyd Abrams, probably 
the nation’s most respected libel lawyer, 
has said. it isn't libel law but the Court's 
expansion. of privacy law that poses 
more of a threat to the press than any 
other.” Privacy is such a vague area that 
a judge could easily twist the concept of 
privacy in such a way as to give the court 
the pow ide what i» news and 
what isn't. 

The Nixonburger Court made such a 
decision in 1977. A local TV station had 
telecast, on its nightly news show, the 
I5second act of Hugo Zacchini, a human 
ion made no effort to 
the brief. showing 
1 presented as 


to de 


ng an 
sell one's e sees fit—and this 
Court decided that he was right. (there 
was, let us hasten to point out, a very 
sound dissent by Nixon appointee Pow- 
ell). The Court thereby set a standard 
by which a network could be successfully 
sued for, say, filming Fanne Foxe’s bur- 
lesque routine wl bur Mills ca- 
vorted in the background or for filming 
one ol Billy € d-up comedy 
acts. The obvious threat that emerges 
from such decisions is, 10 quote Abrams 
ain, that they move low “the pos- 
ofhcial govern- 


the judgment of editors as to what 
thy." Another is that the more 
privacy cases that are decided against the 
press, the more the press will be in- 
hibited in gathering news; as a conse- 


quence, much import 
may become all but 
. 
It might be stretching a point, but a 
reasonable argument could be made that 
xonburger Court's attitude toward 
speech and free press is most clearly 
seen in its handling of the obscenity ques- 
tion. John Shattuck, head of the Amer- 
ican Civil Liberties Union's Washington. 
id that obscenity is "the [ 


nt news gathering 
possible. 


the } 


emit test, It provides,” Shat- 
tuck says, "the sharp dividing line 
Except for civil libertarians and journal- 


ists, just about everyone seems to th 
you should be able to prosecute 
purveyors ol pornography.” 

down to this: If you 
lawe Justice Hugo Black and former 
Justice William Douglas did—that the 
st Amendment means exactly what it 
that the Government “shall make по 
law" interfering with free speech and 
free press, then you will be perfectly will- 
ing to include the smuttiest smut under 


the 
It comes 
believe—as Ше 


the “no law” guarantee. Porn—much 
more than sedition, which rarely raises 
s fiery head in America—is the ultimate 


mus test of faith in Ше First Amend- 
ment. To the extent that one is willing 
t0 suppress smut, to that extent, one sim- 
st Amend- 


ply does not believe in the 
ment as an absolute. 

A majority of the Warren Court. did 
not believe in the absolute application 
of the First Amendment to cover por 
nography. But neither did they believe in 
launching a major crusade to stamp out 
porn. They compromised betwee 
dom and suppression by coming up with 


fre 


“Your mother fell in love with another woman. 
Now, eal your soup.” 


a criterion that was so vague as 10 be 
tually useless. Something could be 
punished as obscene, they said, only if its 
basic theme pandered to lewd instincts 
and if it was totally devoid of any “re- 
deeming social valu also said 
that the standard for measuring lewd- 
ness must be national, not local, which 
meant that the people of Plains, Georgia, 
or Whittier, California, could not send 
publishers to jail who were oper: 
out of New York or Chicago and whose 
products were accepted by millions of 
ders there and in other parts of the 
county. 

The Warren Court's standard was suffi- 
ciently benign that, despite some rocky 
going in courts in the early days, ma 
zines such as the one you now hold 
your hands managed not only to thrive 

nd grow rich but to become 
а solid part of Am 
standard for obscenity prescribed by the 
Warren Court kept Hugh Hefner out of 
in Peoria and rLAYBov on the news- 
ids in Lubbock. 

Herald Fahringer, ап attormey with 
considerable [ame among the publishers 
of girlie magazines, remembers his stand- 
ard technique fc k in those 
happier days: “One of the things we used 
to do: Every time you'd win a cise, you'd 
save the magazine. You would have to 
save them, because they, ah, went out of 
circulation very quickly. So you'd go to 
your files and find really objectionable 
magazines that had been found not ob- 
scene by another respectable court, and 
show them to the judge. And on a na- 
tional standard we were getting cases 
thrown out all over." 

It was a situation ths 
out of Nixon and Burger and Rehnquist 
and the conservative lot. Clearly, the 
situation was just as they had been 
claiming all along: Liberal, permissive, 

aunchy, sassy, disrespectful, flesh-reveal- 

ing Americans had too much freedom 
for their own good. So in 1973, the 
Burger Court cracked down 

The case used for the crackdown, Mil 
ler vs. California, the convic 
tion of a b 
five unsolicited 
a Calilor 
Belore cor 


ting 


annoyed the hell 


dver 


ig broch 
a jury judged to be obscene 
ing to their conclusion, the 


jury had been instructed by the trial 
judge to evaluate the material by the 
moral standards of their own commu 


nity—not by the moral standards of the 
nation, Because the judge had issued 
those instructions, the pornograph 
pealed to the U. S. Supreme Court. 

He lost. And а new definition of ob- 
scenity came into bein, 

The Court divided on the case five to 
four, with Chief Justice Burger and Jus- 
tices Blackmun, Powell, Rehnquist and 
White carrying the day for purity. No 
longer, as in the Warren days, would the 
key test of obscenity be whether or not 
the work was “utterly without redec 


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social value": from now on, any work 
being weighed must, as a whole, show 
serious literary, artistic, political or sci- 
entific value.” In the Warren era, the 
burden was on the prosecutor to prove а 
lack of value. In the Burger era, the 
burden would be on the defense attorney 
10 prove a "serious" quality. 

The Court also ruled that no longer 
would national s from 
al would be judged by the 
tes and cities and towns. 
Burger, who wrote the opinion for the 
majority, said he wanted to free normal 
communities from 
able in Las Vegas or New York С 
Legislatures in Kansas and Alabama а 
Idaho could ban books, plays and movies 
whether or not they were tolerated, even 
admired, in the dirty big citi 

Nor wanting 10 appear open- 
ended. the Court offered two examples 
of the kinds of materials that legislatures 
could proscribe with the Court's bless- 
ings: “Patently offensive representations 
or descriptions of ultimate. sexual acts, 
normal or perverted, actual or simu- 
шей,” and such мий as "masturbation, 
exactory functions and lewd exhibition 
of the ge 5; 

And wh to decide what was “pat- 
ently offensive" and what was "serious"? 
Who would decide on the relative lewd- 
of genitals? It would all be in the 
ds of a jury of plain home folks. 
ar later, the Court had to 
vs. Cali- 

ay stupid as all previous 
obscenity rulings had been. 
led when the Georgia Supre 
12 days after the N 


100 


пе 


was reves 
Court, acting with 
onburger Court handed down the new 
community-standards edict, ruled t 
Albany, Georgia, jury was justified in 
convicting a theater who had 
shown Carnal Knowledge. the 1971 film 
for which Ann-Margret had received 
Oscar nomination and which got on 
many Ten Best lists, 

When the Albany case finally wound 
way up to the U.S. Supreme Court, the 
Justices dutifully retired to the nt 
of their building for a private showing of 
the film. That's where they view most of 
the movies that come for judgment. Bu 
ger, who is, or pretends to be, overwhelm- 
ingly offended by the stuff. rarely attends 


owner 


him, as he has repeatedly indicated, any 
crucial area of the body not covered by 
a fig leaf is obscene. Washington reporter 
Nina Totenberg says that only Jus 
Thurgood Marshall, blessed with a 
Chaucerian wit, i heard to laugh at 
the lascivious huffing and puffing on the 
silver screen. Justices are re- 
ported to s tention, only 
ionally maki a disrespectful com- 
bour the producers’ taste. Carnal 
Knowledge nly didn't measure 


eve 


E 


[һе oth 
at prim 


down to most of the other films shown i 
that roon 
When it came time to write the opi 
ion. Justice Rehnquist had to do the 
embarrassing chore for everybody (the 
verdict was nine to zero), virtually conced- 
ing that the Court had given the sloppiest 
kind of guidance in Miller and. angrily 
‘ging other localities not to go off hali- 
cocked like Albany, which had no right 
to be so hard оп Carnal Knowledge, be- 
cause, said Rehnquist, it contained “no 
exhibition whatever of the actors’ geni- 
tals, lewd or otherwise. 
. 
Let us take our leave of the Burger 
Court on that note of low comedy—the 
acle of these sober, elderly judges 
ng in a darkened conference room. 
watching for the flash of genitalia and 
trying then to decide whether or not that 
Alash—if seen at all—qualified as func 
tionally lewd; perhaps trying to de 
on other occasions, whether or not the 


ide, 


sexual antics of three ра 
should be considered "sc 
the relationship between two 1651 
а coke machine should not. The difference 
between the Warren Gourt and the Bur 
ger Court is that the former seemed to 
realize it was impossible 10 answer such 
ions and the latter does not. It gocs 
lt was tinkering again 
with obscenity last year, this time 10 in- 
struct the lower courts not to take the 
sensibilities of children into considera 
tion when they were setting the standards 
of the community, That, wrote Burge 
would he too delicate a matter. Instead, 
he suggested that the juries keep a spe- 
cial watch for material that might excite 
"deviant sexual groups” such as sado 
masochists and homosexuals. 
The Chief Justice still had faith that a 
typical all-American jury would be able 
to recognize the stulf th 


perverts. 


and a python 


"Dm sure the ambassador 
would be most willing to discuss 


terms for the safe release of our attaché 
but I'm afraid he’. 


just been 


abducted himself.” 


PLAYBOY 


CAPTAINS OUTRAGEOUS! 


(continued from page 178) 


“People who live on boats eventually become the 
victims of something called yacht madness.” 


street. 
beli 
him 


The cops pick him up. don't 
e a word he tells them and throw 
i aring his underpants 


story in the 
world. Rags is ап Australian, right? You 
know how Australians аг 
“And wha 
your boar 
“Oh, we're w: 
Мані су! That is the 
thentic cry of the ocean wanderer. Үс 
сап go to any anchorage anywhere in the 
world, and ror meet 
someone sittin n a boat, sting at the 
water. 
"What are you doi 
Waiting for money. 
ріс spend months in remote ports, 
ng for money that’s been sent to 
them but has by some cunning process 
been diverted to Chile 
That is what happens to lucky. people, 
those who still have money to be sent to 
them, Sometimes, even for the lucky 


Tasma; 


or 


ones, the day dawns when there's no 
more money, and there the poor vachts- 
man sits, unemploved. with no resources 
in the world and a [ood supply consisting 
of hall a tin of yeast and a clove of garlic 
At ti : 

bitious and ı 
into the ship 
African and South or Central Americ 
coasts, booze in Brazil (where whiskey 
fetches around 530 а boule) or dope from 
North Africa and South America, Some 
people carry diodes and transistors. be- 
tween Fiji and Australia, others run porn 
in the Red Sea and rock records in the 
Baltic and Black seas. Three years ago, an 
8 ist chartered a 
351001 sloop to smuggle a consignment 
illegal parrots (rom Colom 


of 
Guadeloupe 
into makin 
Mrica with two gorillas and a pair ol 
vare ducks. The skipper had found the 


Atlantic crossing Irom 


parrots rather trying during the two-week 
run to Guadeloupe, so he declined and 
took up chartering in the Virgin Islands 


instead. 


Most sailing people would no sooner 
deal in drugs and guns than the average 
citizen would choose to rob а bank 
ad when they run out of 
cash. they often start selling off bits and 
pieces of their boats or work ashore for a 
few months to earn something to keep 
the boat going 

Others become. professional "traders" 
like the resourceful chap with the un- 
identifiable accent who arrived in the 
lands last season in а battered old 
schooner. selling ncs that had 
been re construction 
sites i This gentleman also dab- 
bled Trinidad teak and the De 
сап collec-bean market for a whil nd 
in modest seasonal 
income by agreeing not to drag the sharks 
he occasionally caught onto the crowded 
beaches of various resort hotels. He and 


they went ashore in the ship's boat, 
a string of dead sharks and loudly 
defenseless honeymoon 
couple from Nebraska that those were 
just the babies, the big ones had got away. 

This fellow describes his occupation 
as “discount shopping.” When last heard 
of, he had run 1 spot of bother in 
Antigua, involving a collision and the 
brandishing of fi ad had gone 
west to the Panama Canal, 
California, where, as he confided just 


some 


Ё 


nto 


arms, 
bound. for 


EVEN THE COLOUR OF THE 
LABEL SEPARATES CUTTY SARK 
FROM THE REST. 


In a world of Scotches with red, white and black labels, the 
bold yellow employed by Cutty Sark stands alone. As does the Scots 


THE ORIGINAL CUTTY SARK LABEL 
"Was DESIGNED BY FRANCIS BERRY 
AND SCOTIISH ARTIST JAMES MCBEY- 


Whisky it re presents. 
To make 


good Scotch, the whiskies comprising the 
blend are aged then blended together. To make 
Sark the whiskies are aged, blended Форетнег and then 
returned to cask to “marry” for up 
half longer. And only then bottled. This contributes to 
Cutty Sark's unusually wett-rounded taste. 

One sip and you will discover that Cutty Sark, like 
its label, is truly an original. 


utty 


to a year and a 


ICUTTY SARK.” “CUTTY.” THE CUTTY SARK LABEL AND THE CLIPPER SHIP DESIGN ARE REGISTERED TRADEMARKS OF BERRY BROS. & RUDD LTD.. LONDON. 
ENGLAND: 86 PROOF BLENDED SCOTCH WHISKY DISTILLED AND BOTTLED IN SCOTLAND- IMPORTED BY THE BUCKINGHAM CORPORATION. NEW YORK. М.Ү. 


before leaving, there was sure to be “a 
bit of this and that, know what I mear 
going on. 


. 
It may nor be generally re 
all people who live and work o 
eventually become the viet 
thing called yacht madness, TI 
tion shows itself in many ways in the 
sailing world bur in the ocean-racing 
scene most of all, because that is where 
the aristocrats of yacht madness dwell. 
Such people spend their lives racing 
around the world, across the Atlantic or 
the Pacific, around Cape Horn, between 
Sydney and Hobart, from Newport ta 
Bermuda, around the British Isles, from 
France to. Martinique, between the Eng- 
ish Channel and the Azores, from South 
Africa to Brazil. A navy of niggers on the 
move. One man races across the Atlantic, 
singlehanded, in a yacht the size of а 
p: some of his rivals, 


ized that 
boats 


bigger tl 
come close to the essence of yacht mad- 
ess. When racing sailors are not racing, 
they talk about it, about boats, skip- 
pers, crews, rules. rigs, sails, navigation, 
wind, sea, tactics, mathematics and stain- 
less месі. And women and fishing. 

he rules of yacht racing provide clear 
evidence that sailors actually appoint 
madmen to office, so it is pointless to tr 
to explain them. It is enough 10 say tha 


nobody knows or understands the rules 
and that they are changed constantly, 
sually in dead of night. The reason that 
acing sailors spend so much time argu- 
ing about them is that they hope to con- 
fuse slower-minded rivals, especially just 
before a race. The general rule in all 
sailing is: Take no prisoners. 
The extent to wh 4 com- 
unity accepts and respects racing rules 


committee desk, listening to the ор 
expressed by people who feel they 
been unfairly done down by the decisio 
of some cretinous geriatric on the com- 
tee, Disputes are adjudicated by the 
protest committee, an assembly of typi- 
cally flinty types who must decide which 
of the two liars involved іп a protest 
telling the most truth: It is rather like the 
Nuremberg war trials, 

Supporters of the rules claim that their 
ig complexity keeps the sport free 
from corruption by the Mafia or the 
Communists. all of which may be true: 
but one of their main functions is to 
divide competing boats into classes and, 
within those, to assign handicaps to com- 
pensate for dillerences in size and design. 
Alter that, all hell breaks loose. 

Antigua week has six racing classes. 
and those cover everything from the big 
gest and fastest ocean-racing boats in the 
world, the maxiboats of around 80 feet, 
to multihulls, traditional boats and other 


are 


the racing and cruising 
pressive display th 

unfail es the same old dis 
putes those so inclined about the 
merits of different boats. The тийи 
crowd. for example, can get very touchy 
about criticism of trimarans and cata- 
marans by monohull sailors, Multihull 
ws have been known to wear 


classes 


crash helmets, pret 
n rockets, 


nding 
they're 
. 
As a sport, yacht racing might be com 
pared to horse racing, which has many 
thoroughbreds, not just one. Unlike box- 
ing, which strives to produce a single 
world champion—and compels all but 
two ng 
for more p ling in boats, whether 
you race or cruise around the world in 
them, is mainly about having а good 
time. However. anyone seriously com 
mitted to vengeance as a way of life will 
have ample opportunity to develop а 
deeper understanding of the concept if 
he or she takes up ocean racing or any 
other branch of sailing, 
Halfway through 
begins to notice that 
show fresh scars. The Fi 
lile wooden bat 
crunched by that big cru 
ne rearing 
hed down 


en to become spectators, sc 


п 


Касе Week. 
тапу celebrants 
enchman, whose 
au was so horribly 
ing ketch that 
and 
his 


onc 


up on a 
bow 


rising sca 
first across 


PLAYBOY 


236 


A&C Classics 


experience: - 


What makes 
A&C Classics so 
special? Maybe it's 
the generous shape. 
Ог the blend of 
aged, rich-tasting 
tobaccos. Or the 
Specially selected 
dark, natural leaf 
imported wrapper. 
One thing is for 
sure—there's only 
one beautiful smok- 
ing experience. 
A&C Classics. 


cant be imitated 


stern, still limps. A woman has her arm 
in a sling after a collision between 
two boats in the traditional class. One 
fool wears a patch over his right eye. 
where he was failed by а snapping 
cable on a flogging headsail. Very 
few racing people are unmarked after а 
ood winds off Anti; 
After a hard day at sea, the survivors 
seem especially pleased with themselves 
and with life, win or lose. An 
Iways a joyful afl 
g of gratitude 
‚ which is what happens when 
drunk and have a good time. 
Race Week, sailing people ex 
ploit the communal appetite for having 
а good time by holding an uncountable 
number of celebrations involving drink, 
food, music and naked wet people. Ther 
arc end-of on the beach near- 
est the finishing line of each. day's race, 
parties at the Admiral's Inn, at the C: 
maran Club, at the Yacht Club and 
hotels around English Harbou 
It is well known that yachting folk 
have highly sophi: 
the sophisticated things they 1 
two-man upside-down 
one man Hays his head bı 
and another man pour a 
down his throat. A le: figure of the 
1a social scene, owner and skipper 
of a converted mine sweeper, plays mili- 
tary music and drills his guests in marches 
around the saloon table, Perhaps thc 
most distinguished and original sophisti 
cate to appear on the yachting stage 
many a season was the English rock. 
roll drummer who was in the island. 
1976, idling away a year's enforced exile 
from British taxes on his yacht, with paid 
n dinner guests 
dropping his 


wil 


ng sculp- 

“Ere, look at this, then: flaming 

ht how about that And my n 

terpiece, last chicken in the shop. 
monst 


te a move 
and was for 
ated host. 


d other reasons 

It is pro lo suggest 
that by the standards of normal people, 
sailors might be described as loonics 
All people who live and work on boats 
eventually because of 
prolonged exposure to the decp and dan- 
gerous trouble, frequently attended. by 
maximum panic. now and then 
lashes out at them just to keep them on 


some call it, and during Race Week, one 
meets many victims who have felt its 
prod. TI ч kes some people 
philosophical and reduces complicited 
human issues to simple formulas. 

“What is it all abou 
a veteran Atlantic sailor, a 1 
Yacht Club party. 
“Bucks and fucks,” she said. 
Maynard, а shipping consultant who 


n asked 
, at last 


“Is the folks downstairs. They want to know what 
the hell we're watching.” 


PLAYBOY 


| cruising around the islands 
south on 


had be 
lor a month, waiting to sa 
Colombian business, disagreed with that 
әзіз. "It ain't bucks and fucks, man, 


it's toot and scoot.” 
Mayn: 


d works and prospers іп the 
sk field of business 
as a cold that he never seems 
and supports deep t 
About his craft, his livelihood, he 


ing. 
savs: 
“This is a 0 


g you 


do or you don't want to do, dig? Ain't 
no middle ground. | do it as a carcer, 
full time, l'm not one of these guys 


who do it for the one-time quick shot 
and end up in the skimmer. My advice 
to people who get busted is the same as 
my advice to my friends: Stay loose 
wb remember that when God made 


time, He made а lot of it. We're all 
just sitting here in the middle of cter- 


nity, so what's the big deal about jail?” 
Maynard never has to wait for money. 
. 

On the last day of Race Week, the 
dockyard is one big openair party, re 
volving around the final race, which is 
open only to boats that (A) have never 
been launched 
ceed about 520 in materials to build. 
Many of the entries disintegrate at first 
contact with the water k, le 
ing the aew boatles. It is one of the 
few races in the world in which it has 
become nt rule 


necessary to. aduce 


fiernoon of that Satur- 
у. the Antigua Police Band parades 
around the dockyard flagpole, plays a 
few marches mıhems and fires off 
ı rifle volley at sunset. Some say that 


is in memory of the poor thirsty souls 
who died waiting for service at the 
of the Admiral's Inn. The premier and 
the bishop take the salute, deliver 
speeches and Jead the prayers, but it has 
been a long day and the sound. system's 
not working too well, and while whole- 
some people may find it a stirring сете 
mony, others are no longer capable of 
decent behavior. Those who were 
there three years ago have not forgotten 
the young Englishman who climbed the 

inmast of a big kerch that was tied 
posite the dignitaries’ gallery and 
removed all his clothes—a disgraceful 
incident that created an outcry іп the 
press. People said he should have bee 
logged. Oue well-known charter skip- 
per in Аш » infamous English 
nitwit, thought the swine should have 
been hanged. As it happened, he was 
arrested on the spot, thrown into jail 
lor the weekend and sentenced 10 two 
months’ hard ‚ later reduced to a 
bribe of S68. 

И you get locked up before 
night, vou miss the 


That is when the prizes 
pagne Hows and the crowd d 
up and dances under spinnakers that 
have been suspended above the floor 
nd ripple in the evening breeze. A 
ag table is loaded with silver trophies 


under bright lights and the winning 
boats in each class are anchored ju 
oll the dock at the foot of the inn's 


lawn, урой from the shore. 

А brief, tactful speech із del 
before the prize givi tribute p: 
10 the noble themes of good sportsm: 
ship and friendly rivalry. Next to specu- 


laing about the broader 
ol Liberian highway drainage, and 
brooding about the private lives of ce- 
ісін ng sailors give a lot of 
thought to those topics and often talk 
about them in private. 

It is not the sort of thing they talk 
about at the ball, however, where some 
people don't look at all well 
strong light. 

t talk now, 
kicked in.” 

“Judy split with some Malian boat 
ma right alter breakfast. 1 won- 
she knows she's got my passport.” 
ороду can get sense out of him 
when he's like that. He just rolls his 
сусу and says he's got а loose cannon 
on deck. 

"Rut 


implications 


line just 


you just stick to rum on its 


own, you don't get the same kind of 
hangover you get when vou mix rum 
with champagne, beer, whiskey, кіп and 


de vou want to 


tequila. That's what 
eat crickets.” 
“There's nothing we can do to help, 
he's so one he's on the way back.” 
"She had a T-shirt, ONLY SMLORS GET 
BLOWN OF so ] asked her if she 
id, Bite my 


I could go to Bermuda and do 
set a lift 
elor leaves for the 
Pacific on Monday, and they're still 
looking for a couple of guv And 
there's a delivery to Venezuela, which 
Га really like to get... ." 
. 

Ah, yes, the romance of the ж: 
life, and the enduring n 
in our ships. 

It was J. P. Morgan, or one of those 
people, who once remarked. "| don’t 
know what all the fuss Give 
the sw 
their wi 


ing 


gic that we sec 


abow 
thal stop 
man, no 


n only be desc 


ed as deranged 
not entirely wrong, As everyone 
it was also J.P. who said that il 
т afford to keep a yacht, he 
aken outside and thrashed. 
the romance of the sea that 
s the reality, and one of 
des is that a boat, 
ns freedom. 


But 


should be 

Its not 
draws si 
the more c 


dle-aged Amer modest 
way, justly proud of her pe се 
"Fujimo. Is that a Japanese name? 


he was asked. 

i 5 American,” the man cour- 
teously replied. "lt means. Fuck You, 
Jack, Pm Moving Out.” 


“WE SWITCHED TO 
SOMETHING NEW.” 


Times change. Tastes change. 2 

But, for 184 years, Jim Beam hasn’t. Loe - 

By sticking with our basic recipe since 1795, AES Y STRAIGHT 
Jim Beam has come to be the most popular bourbon DUO мик 
in the world. In a mix. With water. On the rocks. Neat. 

Jim Beam. 

More people discover it every year. 

Isn't it time you did? 


| 


184 YEAR OLD JIM BEAM 


KENTUCKY STRAIGHT BOURBON WHISKEY. 80 PROOF DISTILLED AND BOTTLED BY JAMES B. BEAM DISTILLING CO, CLERMONT, BEAM, KY. 


PLAYBOY POTPOURRI 


people, places, objects and events of interest or amusement 


THE GREENING OF ENGLAND 
The aristocrats of England aren't like us. Not only are they richer 
but they also have magnificent country homes that few ever get 
to see. Now, Hanns Ebensten Travel, 55 West 42nd Street, New York, 
New York 10036, is offering a Heart of England tour for this summer 
that will take 12 paying house guests to four palatial manors, where 
they'll be wined and dined for about two weeks by the local hosts for only 
$2745 per person, plus air fare. No bread-and-butter presents, please. 


NOW YOU'RE SMOKING! 

A woman is only a woman, a good cigar is a smoke and a 12" x 814" x 

3" solid-walnut humidor with a vintage Alvis automobile carved by laser. 
beam into the wood is one of the best-looking boxes we've seen for 
storing cherished cheroots. The humidor, which sells for $95, postpaid, 

is available from Smaug's Laser Works, P.O. Box 498, Redondo Beach, 
California 90277; or supply Smaug with camera-ready art and it will 
custom laser-carve you a walnut, maple or oak humidor for about $275. 


HAT TRICKS 
If you'd like to celebrate the rites of 
spring in a silly style, Freemountain Toys, 
23 Main Street, Bristol, Vermont 05443, 
has just the caps for going bonkers. Some 
have antlers, others ram horns, curved 
horns, feelers, wings, lightning bolts or 
Teddy-bear ears sticking out of them—and 
they sell for only $8 each, postpaid, in 
adjustable small/medium and medium/ 
large sizes. (Freemountain chooses the 
colors.) Man, are you horny! 


KEEP YOUR GINSENG UP 


Seventy years ago, sarsaparilla laced with 
ginseng was a favorite call at soda foun- 
tains everywhere. Now Corr’s Ginseng 
Beverage Company, 1925 North Lincoln 
Avenue, Chicago, Шіпоі 60614, has 
created a bittersweet pop called Ginseng 
Rush that’s a carbonated copy of that 
early soft drink. Ginseng Rush is sold at 
health/specialty stores nationwide or 
write to Corr’s for the name of your near- 
est purveyor. It's also great with hard stuff. 


BOYLAND'S TOYLAND 
It's been said that the differ- 
ence between men and boys is 
the price of their toys. And 

if a shop called The Price of 
His Toys at 9559 Santa 
Monica Boulevard, in Beverly 
Hills, California, is any evi- 
dence, there must be a lot of 
rich boys around. The Price 
of His Toys is stocked with 
such expensive playthings as 
$150 imported dolls for men 
and a $5000 replica of an 
antique steam engine that 
actually runs. It's the place 
for the man who has every- 
thing—including a fat wallet. 


RUNAWAY FAVORITE 
Now that jogging is catching 
up with sex in popularity, 

all manner of runner's prod- 
ucts are sprinting to the 
market place. One of the 
handiest we've seen is 

a lightweight nylon, water- 
resistant "runner's wallet” 
with a Velcro closure that 
you lace into your shoe tops. 
It’s available from The 
Country House, P.O. Box 44, 
Southport, Connecticut 06490, 
for $4.95, postpaid. Stuff the 
pocket with a key, phone 
change, a bill or a waterproof 
identification card. And 
don't forget to stick a pencil 
behind your ear to jot down 
the phone numbers of 
distaff joggers you meet. 


HORSE SENSE 
Remember the days when you 
could buy a used 250 GT 
Ferrari for $3200? That same 
machine today would prob- 
ably go for $15.000 to 
$30,000—if you could find 
one. Ferraris now are hoarded 
like gold and the cult that’s 
sprung up around them is 
almost as fanatical as the 
Bugatti freaks who still kneel 
and pray to Molsheim each 
morning. So if Ferraris are in 
your blood, there's a new 
slick magazine called Caval- 
lino that's devoted solely to 
them. Six issues annually cost 
$18 sent to Cavallino, 2 
Spencer Place, Scarsdale, New 
York 10583. Vroom! 


DIRTY LITTLE PEOPLE 
West Coast sculptor Michelle Greene digs 
watching little people do it to music. Her little 
people, that she's lovingly crafted out of 
brass and sterling silver, all merrily humping 
to Strangers in the Night, Tea for Two or More, 
atop Plexiglas music boxes that pulse with 
flickering lights. But even mechanical sex 
doesn't come cheap; the bed scene pictured here 
is $500 sent to Greene at 625 Post Street, 
Box 598, San Francisco, California 94109. We 
wonder if little ladies get headaches, too. 


DEEP IN THE HEART OF TAXES 
Everybody hates taxes, but nobody docs anything, 
about them. Nobody, that is, except Jim 
Davidson, a ргАүвоү contributor who's also part 
of an organization called the National Tax- 
payers Union at $25 Pennsylvania Avenue, S.E., 
Washington, D.C. 20003. Fifteen dollars sent 
to the union will get you a year’s worth (ten 
issues) of its newsletter and the knowledge 
that your bucks are going to fight Government 
waste and reduce the chunk Uncle Sam is taking 
from your check. But don’t hold your breath. 


PLAYBOY 


GEODAS GOD ше rom mee on 


“Andrea now was baking at a sensuous temperature. A 
soft groan broke from his lips at her advances.” 


With 
drea's incisive doubt grow more ma 
with every word exchanged. Another 
ucling test awaited him at the г 


tion desk in Mexico, where all rooms, 


through some май oversight, he shakily 
surmised, were reserved in his name, and 
just as this delicate contretemps was 
almost successfully untangled, Spotty 
Weinrock, of all people in the world, 
was standing there before him in a lumi- 
nous golden cotton sweat suit, irreversi 
bly intent on going jogging with him on 
the small oval track two floors above. 

“We can have a nice long talk while 
I'm learning how. 

“I come at this hour to be alone. 
Gold should have remembered he had no 
chance ever of staring this otiose, imper- 
ble childhood friend out of counte- 
nce. "You shouldn't jog. not without 
tion and a stress test. 
It's dangerous. OK, then, but don't try to 
keep up with me or run as long. You're 
nd out of condition and Tm 
not. I mean it—you wouldn't be the first 
one to drop dead. 

“There's a guy with 
stairs in the gym now." 

"I don't care about him! 

“Is this what you 
Spony Weinrock with a 
pulling alongside Gold 
y through the second lap. 

"Slow down, vou fuck. or you'll soon 
have to stop," Gold warned. "I don't 
want to talk, You're not allowed to run 
side by side. Just fall back behind me 
nd take your time. 

"Is this how slow you always go?" 
asked Spotty Irom in back. 

‘The effect upon Gold was excru 
“1 don’t want (o talk!" he yelped 
squeezed-out scream through a neck in 
which every vein and muscle 
stretched in fury, His heart was beating 
with a louder noise than his pounding 
feet were making against the track. The 
grotesque ordeal was afllicting him rapid 
ly with an enervating anemia of the will, 
and he sat down to rest in а cushioning 
armchair as soon as he was alone in the 
center suite after each of the women had 
nstalled іп a room on either side 
t further conflict. Both thought 
Soc 
ih Washington. 
dren were no longer there. 
sure restored, he was able to have а 
banana daiquiri from room service with 
Linda, a banana daiquiri alone and a 
1 a daiquiri with Andrea when he'd 
completed another lap and again was 


heart attack up- 


1 Гап?” asked 
hateful smile, 


His compo- 


242 With her. He fucked Andrea first to get 


that out of the way and was unable to 
perform with Linda when she rang him 
for that purpose on the telephone in the 
middle room 

“Fag!” cried Spotty Weinrock cheerily 
and went Hitting ahead of Gold like a 


sunbeam in his golden track suit, as 
though Gold were standing still. 


Gold was flabbergasted by this blind- 
ing display of speed but held morosely 
to his own dogged pace with something 
scarcely human in his contorted visage 
The pain that always rose in his chest at 
the beginning was intensifying, rather 
than subsidi and he lost count of the 
number of laps he had run and w 
forced to start all over just when, with a 
violent start of tremendous surprise, he 
heard the phone in his room ag: 
Its the White Hou hel 
leap out of bed. 

It was Andrea, with whom he then һай 
a light lunch in the patio dining room. 
Then he had a heavy second lunch with 
Linda in the bedroom that he consumed 
without appetite. The waistband of his 
walking shorts was turning sharp as an 
iron file. In less than two hours, he һа 
nurtured а cumbersome paunch th 
bounced when he moved and made jog- 
ging this afternoon an 
instead of the strenuous 
regimen he normally His 
breathing was more labored than usual 
and his pulse rate felt swifier than he 
knew was good for him. 

“Fag!” sang out Spotty Weinrock play- 
lully and sailed by him again 

Gold kept his eyes down and pre- 
tended not to notice that Lind: 


d with a 


arduous chore 
and salutary 


found 


was rest- 


tired of being kept under w 
already was phoning about the 


Linda w 
Andre. 
backward glance as the car pulled away, 
Gold took a mental snapshot of L 
poolside in close conversati 
slender, tall, lithe, insultingly good-look- 
ing Mexican youth wi ming teeth, 
d he experienced, to his c n, that 
lous debilitating p 
nized universally as heartache. 


: denounced Weinrock апа 
passed him aga y and blithely 
as a spiri ing on 


Gold's own le 
ced his gaze further downward into a 
dejected mode of inflexible concentration 
s Spotty ran from view while he had 
dinner with Linda and dropped her at a 
discothèque and had a second dinner 


fore driving with her to a 
party. Both women were complaining at 
the amount of time he was spending on 
the telephone with Washington. 

“Fag!” called Weinrock and flew by 
him again. 

You'll drop!” Gold yelled reluctantly, 
but was too late to be heeded, so he stole 
unhappily from the party to look in on 
Linda at the discotheque. Linda was en- 
circled now by four handsome dancing 
young men, all courting her rhythmically 
with the seductive, possessive allure that 
is the exclusive property of the self- 
assured scions of very rich Latin Amer- 
ican millionaires. It was not necessary, 
1 let him know, to trouble himself with 
ag her back to the hotel 
"Fag!" 

And when Gold drove at breakneck 
speed to retum to the party, he was dis- 
mayed to find Andrea surrounded by 
several loud d drunken burly men 
from the Southwest who were trying to 
solicit her participation in a groupsex 
supper dance together with a number of 
stunning models with whom they'd ar- 
rived while Gold was absent. 

“Tm here with my fiancé,” Andrea w: 
trying civilly to refuse as Gold came up 
vengefully behind her, “and I'm not sure 
he'd approv 

“Oh, don't worry about him,” said the 
largest and most muscular, sliding his 
arm around. Andrca's shoulders with the 
lewd self-assurance of the impervious ex- 
trovert. "We'll e of him. 

"How? i ситу, with hi 
nds bunching into fists, “How will you 
take care of me? 

“Any way we want to, little man,” said 
another of the group in a husky outburst 
of laught 
“You think you can stop w 
"Thats an awful lot of woman there 
Tor a little fella like you.” 

A brawl would be futile and he took 
Andrea's arm and backed away. 


about midnight when Linda Book re- 
turned to her room and sent Manolito 
y without even a peck on the ch 


there in a 
aw humor. They made love then with 
results that were mutually sublime. Spot- 
ty slid through the bedrooms sideways 
with another provoking reiteration of 
that homosexual epithet as Gold trudged 
back to bed with Andrea. As he dreaded 
most, Andrea now was baking se 
suous temperature, A soft groan broke 
Irom his lips at her advances. He was not 
lying when he spoke briefly of a splitting 
che sea and of an overall 
fatigu п the morning, he was 
awakened in agony [rom a troubled sleep 
by the telephone ringing again in the 
middle room. 
“из the godd 
again.” 
Still grumbling, he limped through the 
rooms to explain to Linda in a haggard 


jamned White House 


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PLAYBOY 


voice that he had to spend every night 
with Andrea because they were engaged 
to be married. 

Fag!” called out Spotty Weinrock and 
time skipped by in the springy, float- 
of the male ballet dancer in 


ng 


black leotard who was also on the track. 
d, 


A mustached fuck was running backwa 
ting Gold; every eccentric dist 
tion on the track always infuriated him. 
The ba s be- 
low were screaming at one another in 
brutal argument again. 

Gold held adamantly to a dexermina- 
tion to ignore them all the next morning 
when he sank down to rest in darkest 
spirits in his own room alter breakfasting 
twice, His ankles were hurting terribly 
and he was sweating profusely. His fu 
ture had never looked worse, Then the 
passionate Mexican television actress ar- 
rived, as did shortly afterward her hot- 


ketball players on the cou 


blooded Mexican airline pilot, who 
prowled the grounds for Gold to avenge 


his honor in the most primitive and un- 
ble ways imaginable. Just as the 


an television actress was ready to 
kers, the 
alous lover learned Gold's room nu 


d came charging up the stai 
n Gold rushed to the window to 
p 10 escape, he was horrified by the 
ous sight of a taxi arriving with Belle, 
who'd journeved all thee way after him 
with the thought they might still. patch 
gs up if they were off together. The 
crazed lover was banging both fists on 
the door, Notoriety would be disastrous 
to him. He berated himself mercilessly 
for his indefensible folly. What was he 
going to do? 


"һе help- 


prayers," 
directed Greenspan coolly, materializing 
from one of the side rooms attired in 
Acapulco sports clothes. 

“TH do no such thing.” 

“Then go past the temple to the 
field,” continued Greenspan, “and take 
the first plane out for anywhere. Get back 
to Washington however you can. 1 will 
tell them about your urgent business one 
at a time and send them out without 
meeting one another. Oh, Gold, Gold, 
you're such а shonda,” 

"And you, Greenspan, are such a 
credit." Gold clasped him gratefully to 
his breast in the Russian manner and 
hugged him about the shoulders with 
strong feeling. 
ag!” chirped Spotty and breezed by 
him once more. 

That fuck! cried Gold inwardly with 
the fiercest scowl, as common-sense re 
ity exposed itself to him suddenly with 
the force and flashing illumination al- 
most of a bolt of lightning. Spotty had 
been doing two laps to his one, some- 
times three, sometimes four. Oh, that 
base cocksucker—no human on earth 


244 could run that fast! 


Gritting his teeth and breath 
fully through his nose as he n 
his even pace, he watched stealthily with 
murder growing in his heart. There were 
four landings in each corner of the room 
where the track curved, and оп cach 
landing was exercise equipment or a s 


well. Spotty ran oll the track to a land 
and hid until Gold went by, then ca 
down in back to pass bim The 


maleficent motherfucker had been hid- 
ng, гем nd waiting on the landings 
all along in the cruclest, most insensitive 
prank Gold could conceive of. 

“Fagl” 

Gold mistimed the lunge he made for 
Spotty Weinrock’s throat with his left. 
hand, broke stride, and stumbled. An- 
guish exploded in his chest then with an 
immense. cramping. darkening pain. The 
gan spinning, the lights dimmed. 
‘The ground rose to meet him with sways 
and undulations as he felt his legs wob- 
nd give way, and, like a wounded 
rior plucky to the last, he ran almost 
more yards on his knees before top- 
pling to the track and lying still as a 
stone with his eyes staring, as though he 
had been brought to his doom by а mo 
tal fright. 

"Are you all right?” someone said. 
hearing was unimpaired. 

Sive him mouth-to-mouth resuscit: 
tion," suggested the ballet dance 
will not. That's disgusting.” 

“Boy, are you lucky," Spotty said 
his golden uniform. “The ambulance 
just Came for that other guy.” 

His vision remamed also. 

“Doctor, can he be moved now 
strange voice complained. “The rest of 
us want to jog. 

“Put him in a 
Spotty Weinrock. "He's a very impor 
person. 

Gold felt his heartbeat falter critically 
again. “I'm not! Spotty, tell not a soul.’ 

He could speak, too, and he screamed 
blue murder the next morning in Roose- 
velt Hospital when he saw he was still 
not in an oxygen tent. 

“Doctors say you don't need one,” ex- 


plained the phlegmatic black male order- 
ly who brought him his breakfast. 
Gold was appalled by what he saw on 


the tray: scrambled eggs that glistened, 
bacon that dripped, four pats of butter 
enough cholesterol to lay waste a genera- 
n of Marines. "Its a mistake, I tell 
you. I'm not going to cat it 
The orderly smacked his lips wl 
he'd finished it all. When a woman came 
for information, Gold would not give 
even his name. He was wary with the doc- 
tors and requested permission to call his 
own physician. The pay phone was in 
the hall. 
“Сап I get out of bed by myself and 
walk there?” 
“I's up to you 
He nceded a dime. They gave him a 
dollar. Mursh Weinrock was there at 


noon and conferred with the medical 
men in undertones while preparations 
were made for Gold's transfer to a pri 
vate гооп 

What do you want an oxygen tent 
for sid Weinrock when they wi 
alone. “It's cheaper this way. Did vou 
trip and fall or did you collapse? What'd 
you feel? 

“I felt like murdering him, 
with my bare hands. 1 kept ge: 
der until I couldn't stand it, and then 
this thing went off in my head and my 
chest. І was scared. Then I weak 
suddenly and everything went black. I 
didn’t wip. It was your fucking brother 
Spotty. I'm going to kill t 
someday.’ 

Weinrock was nodding. 
mother's heart a thousand 2 
There's no n of cardiac damage. It 
sounds more like anxiety, but we can't 
be sure, Гус had many a patient drop 
ht after showing a perfect elec 
vocardiogram, Its a reason I don't like 
to take on sick people" He recom- 
mended a ten day stay for observation 
Few visors, few phone calls. “No one 
І know you're here unless you tell." 

No visitors, no telephone calls, no let- 
ters, no flowers, no greeting cards, no 
п baskets of [ruit —the ten days 
that followed were the most forlorn of 
Gold's life. How many people wondered 
where he was? He pondered also. with 
be punction, the moral mys 
tery originating in his final words to 
Spotty Weinrock at the gym: “Tell not a 
soul.” A heartbeat away Irom death and 
his dominant concern was not life but 
that corrupting illusion of triumph, pub 
Tic success. 

And so it was still. 

Gold contacted nobody until about to 
be discharged in health that was certifi- 
ably excellent. He called Belle first. 

“What hospital 

“Гус been sick, Belle. I'm getting out 
tomorrow." 

“With wha 

“Nothing. Where did you think I was? 
Тус been away for almost two weeks.” 

“You told me you had to go off some- 
where to straighten yourself out," said 
Belle. "So I thought you were probably 
zhtening yourself out.” 

"I'm OK," he quickly-assured Andr 
“The doctors are positive it was nothing. 

“What doctors? Where are you 

“In the hospital, darling. In New York. 
Didn't you even miss m 

“With what?” 

“With nothing, d 
you. It was just a checkup. 

“Why didn't you tell me, darling?" 

“I wasn't allowed any calls or visitors.” 

“With nothing?” 

“Where did you think I was, Andrt 
It’s been ten days. Didn't you notice I 
was gone?” 

“I knew you had to go back to your 
wife one more time to work out the 


Mursh, 


imes a w 


ug. T just told 


a? 


7 


Since Columbus first came ashore 
here, sailing men have been littering the 
brilliantly blue Bahamian waters with 
shipwrecks. Some carried treasure, some 
crowned heads. But the strangest of all 
carried a train. 

Hell for ships, heaven for divers. 

The train lies off Eleuthera’s northern 
tip, scattered on Devil's Backbone Reel. 
At least six wrecks are strewn here: a 
diver's paradise, we thought, and a per 
fect place to hide a case of C.C 

We headed for Romora Bay Club on 
Harbour Island. The club could provide 
us a launch and guides to explore the 


ils Backbone Reef 
'Id's strangest shi 
e of Canadian Club. 


reel. Nearby Dunmore Town could offer 
Bahamian entertainment, complete 
with Canadian Club. But no one could 
provide us with a reliable story of how or 
when the train had sunk on the reef. 


Seek groupers, and bring muscles. 

We combed Devils Backbone till 
we found a devilish place to hide our 
Canadian Club. 

To raise the C.C., you'll need scuba 
gear, guts and muscle: it weighs 200 
pounds. Start where a “dinner boat” 
went down on Devil’s Backbone. Follow 
a channel across the reef to an old Ward 
Line steamer wreck (try this only in 
bright sunlight or you'll lose your boat). 
Take a bearing from its bow. Not more 
than 200 yards along, where the reef 
slopes into deep water and a big Nassau 
grouper lives, we sunk the watertight 
case of Canadian Club. 

May your seas for the search be as 
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mers may discover their own Canadian 
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stores by just saying “С.С. please.” 


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divorce,” said Andrea. "I thought you 
were working out the divorce.” 

His call to | 
thing personal came up and I had to go 
away for a while. I'm sorry 
able to be in touch with you.” 

“About what?" asked Ralph. 

“About everything. You told me things 
were starting to happe 
are, Bruce,” said Ralph, 
ashing strongly in your be- 
The President asked to meet you.” 


half. 
"I can come tomorrow." 


“I think he's busy tomorrow. The Em- 
sy Ball would be a good place to 
meet.” 
The Embassy Ball?” 
“I hope you'll come if you're invited. 
I told the President that you were writing 
some important position papers. So try 
to draw up a few.” 
“On whatz" 
“On any positions you choose. I don't 
think anyone's going to want to read 
Where you now?" 
At my studi lied Gold. "Ralph, 
"t you miss me? Didn't you notice 
€ out of touch?” 
I missed your hotel room." said 
Ralph. "I can tell you that. Sleeping with 
just my wile and Misty, Gandy, Christie 
and Tandy for almost two weeks hasn't 
been easy. You ought to try it some time 
. You and 1 have to get together 
very soon to talk about the Embassy Ball 
and what you should say to him there if 
you're invited.” 
“Tomorrow?” asked Gold. 
"m busy, too,” said Ralph. 
"How can ] get invited to that Em- 
bassy Ba 
“Irs practically impossible. 
Fuck him," said Gold for the first 
time as he crossly dialed another number. 
Neglect, moped Gold, abounding every- 
where, dosing me im like а poisonous 
tide, drowning me, closing over my head, 
ny nose with fet 
"Spot Modes," greeted the girl on the 
telephone brightly. “May I help you?" 
“Mr. Weinrock, please. Bruce Gold 
call 


arock is in the market.” 
"What the fuck does that mean? 
‘The girl hung up. Gold reached him at 

the gym. 

Spotty, 


you bastard, nobody knows 
m even in the hospital. I told you not 
to tell anyone, so you didn't, huh? Not 
my wile, not a single soul, did you? 


e keep a secret," said Spotty 
Weinrock. 
“Not person іп this whole world 


knows what L went through. Was there 
aything in the newspapei 
^1 don't read the newspapers. 
"|t shows how people care. ] could 
drop dead tomorrow and no onc would 
eve 

a 
have to. 

"Did you have to, you р 


follow instructions when I 


? And you 


didn't even come to visit, did you? Sup- 
I died, you son of a bitch? Would 
you have told anyone then? My wallet 
was still at the gym with all my clothes 
and they wouldn't even know who 1 w: 
п keep a secret, all right. How in 
heaven's name can you keep such a 
secret?” 
To tell you the truth," 
Weinrock, “I forgot." 
m forgot?" The pai 
still sinking in. 

“I got kind of busy, Bruce, and I for 
got you even had a heart attack." 

It was not a heart attack! 
I was pretty scared, 
Spotty Weinrock, “I couldn't stop worry- 
ing about you 

Till when? 
laugh. 

“Till 1 forgot.” 

Gold thrust his face toward. the tele 
though it were the enraging 
ion of the person he was ad- 

“You forgot" һе repeated 
through tightened jaws in а voice quiver- 


said Spotty 


Mul words were 


scolled Gold with a bitter 


ing with a bl 
silted through system and 
used every musde to tremble. "Money 


Weinrock, money, you cocksucker. How 
much do you owe me now?" 
“About two thousand.” 
“Pay up, you lousy ba 
“OK? 


“This minute, you fuck. Or PI put 
you in prison. Til get liens. ГЇЇ serve 


papers. Spotty, Spotty,” said Gold with a 
tch in his throat as his voice cracked 
and he tried without succeeding to fight 
back the tears rolling from his eyes, "how 
could you be so insensitive? Why didn't 
you at least come to visit, just to see for 
yourself 1 was alive?” 

"I tied, Bruce. Three times I was go- 
ing to visit and made up my mind that 
nothing was going to keep me awa! 

“And what happened?” 

“I forgot.” 

“Do you know what it feels like?" said 
Gold with а sob, “De you know what it 
[eels like to have to lie in a hospital day 
er day without visitors or phone calls, 
ith what might have been a fatal heart 
attack, and have nobody care? It feels 
like shit. Suppose I died? 
1 cared," said Spotty. 
You forgot.” 
Somebody would have reminded me." 
Nobody else knew,” Gold reproached 
him further. “I would have been buried 
in а paupers grave. Even I would have 
been more thougluful than that 

“I have to go jogging now. I belong 
to this group.” 

Gold washed his face before telephon- 
ing next the one person he thought of 
who might have missed him most. 

“L called you at your studio only yester- 
day,” she said. “I let a message on your 
machine." 

“Only yesterday? Where'd you think 1 
until then? It's been ten days." 


“I thought you were busy with your 
I with your бале 

in school? 
“And doing beautifully,” said Linda 
Book. "I've been doing her homewor 
‘Tell me what hospital you're in. I have 
this dental bill I want to mail you 
“TIL be getting out tomorrow," said 


Gold. * dede to sce you first" 
In a fevered ecst of abandonment 
and slavish indiscretion, he could now 


easily picture all his carefully laid. plans 
flying asunder into a bohemian muddle 
of debauchery and irresponsible disgrace, 
and he did not care. He wanted her in 
his arms, wanted her body beneath him, 
covered by his own. What would Con- 
over say when he found out? How many 
people who ever read about him would 
truly believe that а thinking adult like 
him would endanger his marriage—nay, 
two marriages—and a brilliant budding 
political career for a ous fling with 
a married woman with four children with 


whom, as was also true of Andrea, he 
could never become in any other way 
intimate? That didn't seem to matter. 


б 

“I Jove you very, very deeply, da 
and I wish so much that I didn't.” " Gold 
could safely afford the luxury of such lav- 
ish words and sentiments, because he 
knew that the emotion in which they had 
their birth was not going to last. He did 
not dream, however, that the demise of 
this tender feeling lay as near as the dental 
bill she handed him. He calmly mixed а 
n and tonic for cach, By then, his agita- 
tion had reseed: "How come your hus- 
band isn't paying for any of these? I 
thought he was bn а good provider." 

He isn't going to рау for anything 
anymore, since he found out wi 
together." 

Several questions rose simultancously 
10% mind and broke into pieces 
against one another in the burbling 
struggle to get out. "Together? Found 
out? How? How together? Are? What do 
you mean found out? What do you mean 
together? How are we together? 
“Like this. He knows all about us.” 

I about us? How did he find 


е 


rom the childre 
rom the children 
Know? 
1 told them.” 

Gold looked at her steadily with a 
troubled eye. "You told them? You told 
your children? What did you tell your 
childrei 
That we're lovers. 

"Lovers?" 

"You keep repeating everything I say 

Gold was lacking the necessary equ 
librium for timely repartee. “Is that what 
we are, lovers?” he asked credulously. 

“OF course, darling,” answered Linda 
with a smile. “I'm your lover and ус 
minc. What did you think we меге?" 


How do the chil 


Gold did not hesitate to give the answer 24g 


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that first sprang to mind. “Fuckers.” 

“Lover is so much sweeter,” said Linda 
Book with the ethereal sensitivity of a 
poetess, "so much richer in meaning and 
value. don't you think?” 

“Don't you have to be very seriously in 
love to be a lover sked Gold. 

“Oh, no." she corrected him. “АП you 
have to be is a fucker 

Gold had never looked at himself as a 
lover belore and was not altogether con 
vinced he liked the idea now. "So that 
what Tam, huh? A lover 

OF course you arc. vou fucker,” said 
Linda Book. “And 
you an A minus.” Gold was stung only 
superficially by this backhanded tribute 
lor there was the impact of catastraph 
in the words that followed. “And Fm so 
proud that someone as intelligent as you 
finds me sexy and attractive. Even my 
husband is impressed.” 

Good God!” Gold Ініге to his feet 
“He knows my name?" 

Gold is a very nice name,” she said. 
“And Т wouldn't be ashamed to have it 
as my own, 

“Jesus Christ, Linda, that’s not the 
point.” Gold lifted a pillow from the bed 
for the sole purpose of having something 
in both hands he coukl slam down. 
“Where the hell are your brains? Tm a 
very distinguished man. Next week, I may 
even be іпуней to the Embassy Ball 
Why the fuck did you have to tell any- 
body about me at all? 

Because I believe in the truth." 

"Why?" he insisted on knowing, 

“Why? 

“Why in this case couldn't vou believe 
in a lic? Why in the world did you have 
to tell your children anything?” 

"Because in 


darling, too. I rate 


family, 


Linda Book without any пасе of conces 
sion, “we don't believe in keeping things 
Irom one another 


retorted 


“Do they understand what being lovers 
Gold demanded scornfully, “I 


mean: 
didn't." 
‘Oh, yes. The older two did." 
“What did they say?" 
“My son said he would kill you,” she 


said. “My daughter wanted to know if 


you wei 


any good. 1 told her vou were 
an A minus who woukl probably gradu 
ate to an A if vou could last. The you 
er two were more accepting. 

"Oh, were they?" said Gold with a 
rather wild shake of his head. “Vd like 
to know how you explained to them 
what lovers are.” 

Linda Book met the challenge with 
unconcern, “Oh, we have this illustrated 
German sex book for children. It shows 
a little boy with his penis erect and a 
little girl with her а exposed and it 


explains in simple Jangu 


ge any child 
can understand that he shoves it in 

"поез it in?” Gold's voice nearly 
failed him 


“Yes. And 1 explained to them that 


“Goddamn it, Martha, if I don't use it, I'll lose it.” 


251 


you and І do the same thing with our 
pence and that’s why we're lovers.” 
ти эн ви ви “They understood? 
4 2 ETR ғ 1 


“Immediately. They said we were fuck- 
in, 


Gold stared at her with bulging eyes for 
a moment and then went plunging about 
the room in shocked silence for several 
seconds. “Linda. you're a schoolteacher?” 
he addressed her with his jaws knotted 
and with his mouth drawn back as far as 
a human mouth could go, and all at once 
he looked as though he were congenitally 
smaggle-toothed. "You went to college, 
got your degrees? You completed educa- 
tion courses? You got your license, а nice 
shiny diploma?’ 

“Oh, ves," said Linda with the same 
collected smile. “I communicate very well 
with children. Your daughter will vouch 
lor that" 

“My daughter!” Gold's voice was а hys- 
terical ау. “Holy shit! She's friends with 
your kids. She sleeps at your house, Dina. 
Do you think they told her, too?” 

I should hope they did," said Linda. 
"Our children are all very open with 
one another ^d 

Gold mo: and shivered in terror, 
"E didn't want her to know! 

It will bring you closer together.” 
“It will put us at sword's point at 


ch others throat. Godd; shell 
ти ти ви вн шш hers throat. Goddamn it, 


FOR MEN |. wit bring you 


gethe 

“I'm leaving my wife to marry Andrea, 
Is there no way you can get word to her 
as well? Listen, Linda, marriage for us is 
out of the question, definitely out. 

"Oh, we agreed on that,” said Linda. 
“I could never afford to give up my sup- 
port or my alimony.” 

“Which you are now not getting,” said 
old with an uncordial gleam ol tri- 
umph, pacing. “Because you believe so 


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anxiety as soon as he found himself 
alone with a wall he could talk to. 
“Where the hell are you?” 

know, I know,” said Greenspan 
when Gold began ici g his troubles. 
“It's why I say you're a shonde 
isband wants to kill me 
Federal offense to kill a public 
1, but you've not a public official 


yet. 
Е Tell him I'm about to become one,” 
Gold begged. "Go sec him for me. Take 
a gun. 
He says ye 
ispan rep 
Tell him 


c fucking his wife,” 
ted back. 

Il stop if he promises not 
е me." 


full fi her and 
all four chiklren," Greenspan reported 
back. 


g head," said 
thought he was madly in love 
with her and would never let her go.” 

“He'll let her go. hell det he 
said Greenspan 

“It’s out of the question,” said Gold 
"I'm already married to one woman and 
d we Jews 
шу.” 


" Greenspan re- 
ported back. “I had to threaten to shoot 
him.” He declined without words the 
nk Gold offered in celebration 


Secretary. of 

Government official 
Gold considered the matter. "What do 

you think?” 

vou really going to stop fucking 

his wile?” 

o. 
Greenspan s 

holding gene 


eyed him with a look 
ns of disappointm 
“You're rse than the rest, 
decided, “but certainly по better. 
doesn’t think you w 


no w 


drive a better 
n. Tell him ГИ really stop if he 
picks up all the dental bills 

"Now it's a deal,” 
back. “Just a little wi 

L'chaim," Gold to; 

"But what I said still goes,” 
stressed at the door, 
What's that?” 

“I forget. Let me think. Oh, yes. You're 
а slionda." 

“You're a credit.” 

The way was clear now, Gold saw, for 
his wiumphant return to Washington. 


a reported 
ase. L'chaum." 


This is the second of two excerpts 
from Joseph Heller's forthcoming novel, 
“Good as Gold." 


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PLAYBOY 


256 


AESTHETIC TRUCKIN’ 


nd my frontaxle 
xle truss—wcll. 


I've vet to encounter, 
truss... my front 
it trusses up my front axle. 1 may never 
run the Baja, but I am the action king: 
I have an ағу fuel tank that, il 1 
also only had an auxiliary bladder, would 
low me to cov 600 miles between 
stops. E have a pair of fog lights on the 
rool of the cab that look impressively 
ollicial. and, though Гуе never used them 


1 guess 


for log, they've elicited а lot ol appre- 
dative drools [rom gasstation attend 
анъана have gouen me preferential 


1 traffic jams. 
ine, a graphic designer 
his wife and Jeep in 
told me that he really 
y winch and that he'd 
buy one if they made a nonfunctional 
model out of molded plastic for under 
$100, That model would've suited me just 
fine. All Fm lacking is a С.В. radio, and 
1 haven't bought one for the same reason 
1 seldom read best sellers: I'd rather in 
vest my CB. money in a pair of ostenta- 
tious chrome stacks with diesel Hippers. 

I painted а хот кок mee sign on the 


lives with 
suburban Dallas 
liked the looks ol 


who 


(continued from page 127) 


my truck, not because Em not for 
hire, which I'm not, but because I'm into 
truckin’, and that’s what most real trucks, 
the ones I see hauling pig iron, logs, 
line or dog food. carry on th 
have a bank of toggle switches, each of 
which ignites a neatly embedded indica- 
tor light in a panel ou the ceiling. It 
makes the cab of my truck look like the 
cockpit of а 717, or, well, maybe а 737. 
The toggle switches control nothing. and 
that’s why I love them i5 toggle 
switch represents an automatic sprinkler, 
а heatsecking missile or an ejection s 
1 
functioning. There arc ten switches aud, 
together, they multiply my sense of me- 
chanical security tenlold. a bargain for 
the S46 in material and labor 

When I was young and naive. when my 
hair was sed back in а D.A. and I 
carried a pack of Luckies rolled up in the 
sleeve of my T-shirt, 1 was totally into 
function, I wouldn't put my money into 
loxtails, fender skirts or furry dice—no. 
frills, please. I'd rather have spent a small 
fortune—and months of inconvenience— 


dox 


= 


r doors. I 


FH never have to worry about 


to install a round Iskenderian 
camshaft that would make my motor lope 
in waffic like a three-legged horse. Bur 
when I matched the sole of my Red Wing 
engineer's boot to the foorshaped loud 
pedal—man, it cut the distance between 
city stoplights by an almost imperceptible 
1.637 seconds. Big fuckin’ deal. 1 never 
impressed. Bee Ann Gilchrist with my 
1.637 seconds. She left me for a former 
lover when, as she explained, “he sold his 
motorecles and got him a Jaguar. 

So now, vears later, an older and wiser 
I slide in behind my padded steer- 


m 


ing wheel. across vinyl seats that won't 
crack in the sunlight and never need 


nd I light up switches four, 
seven and nine, my code for secondary 
paved roads. 1 preen the feather that 
hangs from my rearview mirror, punch 

1 the cassette and hear Waylon's Heaven 
or Hell coming through my matched 
coaxial speakers, and 1 head for the news- 
stand to pick up another copy of à truck 
in’ magazine filled with ideas for off-road 
adventures I know ГП never take—secure 
in the knowledge that what I've got here 
is a genuine piece of art on wheels. 


saddle soap, 


“If you think this isa spectacular sight 
you ought to see it in rough weather! 


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PLAYBOY 


LOTUS LAND 


the stunning Elite. Unlike previous Lotus 
highway cars, a majority of which tended 
to be tiny, somewhat rudimentary two- 
seaters, the Elite was a shockingly civi- 
lized fourseater with all the amenities. 
Its fiberglass body was a debatable styling 
triumph: some viewed it as daringly 
avant-garde, others groused about its odd 
angularities, which contrived to faintly 
suggest a sway-backed, home-built look 
But the car was quick (128 mph) and 
laden with the traditionally superior lev- 
els of Lotus handling and braking. More 
over, the vehicle such a 
design effort that it received the prestig- 
ious Don Safery Trophy from the British 


was virtuoso 


Minister of Transport а wear after its 
introduction. 
The усаг 1975 also generated the 


Esprit, perhaps the most exciting and 
beautiful Lotus of all time. This wonder- 
fully compact (165 inches long, only 4: 
inches high) mid-engine coupe was a 


product of the fertile mind of master 


Italian stylist Gioretto Giugiaro and, like 
the Elite, carried the 907 four-cylinder 
connected to a five-speed gearbox. The 
2300-pound machine was a marvel. It 
would run nearly 130 mph, accelerate 
from 0 to 60 in under 
ШІ get better than 25 miles per gallon 
on the highway! That, coupled with stu 
pendous handling and superb braking 
power supplied by its four-wheel disc 
brakes, made the Esprit an instant hit. It 


ten seconds and 


reached America with a tag of under 
$16,000, but inflation and zany leaps in 
the international money market have 


added over ten 
the Esprit was atu 


nd to its price. While 
acting raves, Chapman 
also introduced a two-plus-two version of 
the Elite, called the Eclat. It was essen 
ually a twin but carried a slightly restyled 
nterior for more cargo capacity at the ex- 


(continued [тот page 156) 
p 


se of rear seating room. 

Ironically, while Lotus fortunes were 
booming in the market place with the tri 
wmphant new Elite, Eclat and Esprit, 
Chapman was in a horrible slump on 
the race track. By 1975, his Mark 72 
(correctly called the JPS72 in deference 
to the megapound sponsorship of John 
Player Cigarettes and the company's 
insistence that Lotus racing cars operat- 
ing under its black-and-gold colors be 
known as John Plaver Specials) was thrce 
seasons old and the zesty dynamics ol 
ormula I design had shoved the once 
dominant machine into dowdy obsoles 
cence. For the first time in memory, а 
Lotus was excluded fom victory circle 
for a full season during 1975 and Chap. 
man set out on a hard-nosed campaign to 
regain past glories. In the summer of that 
year, he composed a 27-page 
outlining his detailed thoughts on the 
engineering direction futur 
Prix cars should take. The document was 
turned over to Rudd. He, in turn, cre 
ated а small, elite research-and-develop- 
ment team and housed it in а seedy but 
still regal country house near Hethel. 
Keuteringham Hall, as the place 
called, had served in recent years as а 
hoarding school. 

As Rudd's р through 
1976, а new man appeared to bring new 
energy and daring to the seat of the JPS 
specials, Mario Andretti, ebullient, abun- 
dantly skilled as а test driver and a pure 
racer to the soles of his feet, signed on to 
run several Grand Prix races for Lotus 
and ended up by bringing home il 
team's first victory in 31 races at the rain- 
drenched | 
ly, "the old man,” as Andretti called the 
graying Chapman (though he was only 
18 years old). became as deeply involved 


white paper 


Lotus Grand 


was 


oup labored 


nese Grand Prix, Sudden- 


Lotus Grand Wizard Colin Chapman briefs chief pilot Mario Andretti, who's all buttoned up 
258 in the John Player Special Lotus 79 just before the start of the Watkins Glen Grand Prix. 


in racing as he had been in the old days. 
His enthusiasm returned for the sport 
that had made him successful in the be 
: ‘The rest is widely known recent 
history. Andretti won four races during 
the 1977 Grand Prix scason in the new 
]P578 and might have been world cham- 
pion had it not been for several mechani- 
cal failures and а 
starts that resulted in crashes 

It all came together in 1978. The RS 
group's efforts bore fruit with the stun- 
ning JPS79, a machine that ingeniously 
utilized “ground effects": i.e., air passing 
beneath the automobile, to create a suc: 
tion effect that enhanced traction. "The 
]PS79, Chapman and Апйгеш were 
perfect combination from the start. con 
sistently turning the faster practice and 
qualifying times and winning five races to 
daim the World Drivers Champion 
ship. the Manufacturers’ Title and wide- 
spread acclaim. Yet the year 
without its moments of darkness. Ronnie 
Peterson, the great Swedish driver who 
operated as Andretti's teammate (havin, 
taken the place of his cancer-stricken 
countryman Gunnar Nilson), was killed 
on the opening lap of the Italian Grand 
Prix, In a note of devastating irony, it 
was Peterson's death that assured An- 
Фсш of mpionship, simply be- 
cause he was the only man with sufficient 
points to overtake the American in the 
three remaining races. Of course. the fact 
tit was the same race track that had 
med the life of Jochen Rindt seven 
years earlier did not escape Chapman, 
nor could Andretti avoid the parallels be- 
tween his situation and that of the only 
ng champion, Phil 


few overenthusiastic 


was not 


the ch 


American: driv 
Hill; He, too, had claimed the crown 
when his teammate. Wolfgang Von 
Trips, had died im a similar crash at 
Monza on the same day 17 ycars carlier 
Yet the "old man” carries on. His 
Hethel factory is humming, its 500 em 
ployees mir nmunc from the 
strikes, disputes and Jockouts that plague 
labor relations in other British automo: 
bile А new Mark 80 Lotus is 
expected, in the words of Andretti, “to 
make the 79 look like a London bus, 
and passenger-car sales are edging into 
the prestigious gran turismo league once 


other 


iculously 


tories. 


occupied by such marques as Ferrari 
Maserati, Lamborghini and Aston Mar 
tin, Certainly, the use of a special Lotus 
Esprit in the 1977 Ja s Bond film The 
Spy Who Loved Me was а great publicity 
boon and that neat, angular Tittle ma- 
chine is rapidly headed for classic status 

So. as the rest of the automobile world 
rushes onward toward greater homogeni 
zation by committee, Colin Chapman 
stands nearly alone, very likely 10 become 
the last of that special breed of men whe 
breathed life and personality into their 
automobiles, Not bad for a civil engi 
neer who started in a rented garage. 


Iwanti пе " best s táste 
^" Tean get. | | 
1 geti it Боп Winston 

% due 


KING ( SIZE 
— af 


UV 


UR EGLI ПЕД 


L3 mg. ые av. per cigarette, FTC Report MAY 78. 


ы E PULL: RICH "Ta 
ЕБ ОЭ TOBACCO FLAVOR Ж 
тиш The башы General Has Determined 4 B Х 
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sE SM 4 Soft Pack or Box. 


y 3 


PLAYBOY 


260 


PLAY WITH FIRE 


(continued from page 130) 


“He never discussed with his friends the causes of his 
addiction or the two years in Lexington.” 


shined shoes and collected pop bottles 
for spending money. If they didn't have 
enough for everyone to go to the mov- 
ies, they made sure George got in. Alter 
the show, he'd re-create the entire film, 
complete with dialog, sound effects and 


F 
class for misbeh “L hear you do an 
imitation of me,” said the principal. 
"Lets see it" The principal was 
pressed enough to send him back to С 
"There was also his talent for music. " 
parents didn't have a piano," says W 
Russell, who lived in the same building. 
“As soon as he heard someone moving 
around in our apartment, George would 
be knocking on the door and asking to 
play the piano." He never took lessons, 
but he learned to play very well. 

When Kirby was 16, he left school 
and got a job as a bus boy at Joe Louis’ 
Rhum Boogie Club on the South Side. 
Soon he switched over to the Club 
DeLisa, which featured some of the top 
black entertainment: іп Chi 
come in at four р.м. and start cut 
e cubes, setting up the serving bi 
finally go behind the bar myself." 
from that era ren d-working 
youth who wanted desperately to be in 
Show business. “When he was supposed 
to be washing glasses, he'd keep trying 
to get onstage,” recalls Russell. “They 
t least once, but that. didn't. 
Before the show, 
Kirby would set up a semicircle of cha 
and perform for the entertainers, He did 
scenes from movies and. played the part 
of the audience as well. "Get off my 
foot.” But his budding 
interrupted by World War Two. 
the Army and traveled with 
a work battalion, 

After the war, he went back to Chi- 
cago and started working again, this 
ne on the st nember when he 
ot his first gig at the Regal Theater, 
says Winni Russell. "His mother was so 
proud, $ nother the- 
ater, but she'd go down between. shows 
and take him fresh shirts and something 
to car" Kirby did imitations of Fibber 
McGee and Molly, Jimmy Durante, Jerry 
Colonna and other popular artists of the 
time. His act was a novelty: a black im 
pressionist doing white s. He did 
them well, “I was determined,” he says, 
“to be the first black to work without 
bu aring baggy 
pants or Tomming.” In 1918, he went to 
New York and continued his steady rise 
d the top. He worked with Duke 


mber а 


can't see 


matron at à 


he was 


ing my сус» out, wi 


wa 


Ellington, Lionel Hampton and Count 
Basie, 

Sophie Tucker boosted his с 
ing him on tour to London, and 
dubbed him “The n wih 1000 
Voices." He stepped up into the lucrative 
overse: h Vaughan, Nat 
g” Cole and Stan. Kenton, During 
that time, he met Charlie Ca 
of the few blacks assoc 
booking agency. [Carpenter died a lew 
weeks after being interviewed for this arti- 
de.—Ed.] Carpenter liked the ebullient, 
talented impressionist who always seemed 
to be "on." Kirby's usi 
"I've got a funny one for you. 
a joke to anybody. Once, while working 
with Ella Fitzgerald, he given a 
dressing room next to hers. He staged a 
loud argument in six different voices, 
poured catsup all over himself and stag 
gered into her room. Ella screamed and 
мей. When she recovered, she laugh- 
agly went after him with an ax. 

Kirby kept ask arpenter 10 mam- 
age his career. But the agent, who had 
represented. Earl “Fatha” Hines and 
Lester Young, wasn’t anxious to take on 
the young comic. George seemed to be 
iving some personal problems. lt w 
1 the day of the benevolent bool 
agency 
special instructions. for handling Kirby 
"he agency ordered him to pay George 
only $30 a day out of his 5750 weekly 


eer by 


Hed teli 


salary. Invariably, Kirby would send his 
wife, Sarah, who traveled. with him, to 
sk Charlie for dvance. She assured 
him George would pay it back in a day 


or two, but in а few d 
ask for another advance. When the agent 
resisted, she y would be unable 
10 pay their bills and continue to tour. 
руу act was beginning to suffer 
from the ravages of what turned out to 
be а dope habit. “L wied to talk to him 
about it,” said Carpenter. “I even put 
him in a hospital once. He told me 1 
was just throwing money down the 
drain." Finally, Carpenter felt he had no 
other choici I told his mother there 
was nothing | could do but drop him. 
Maybe then he'd do something about 
In 1958, nnounced he w 
heroin ned himself іп to 
the U.S. Public Health Service Hospital 


ys, she would 


ngton, Kentucky, for the cure. He 


ever discussed. with his f Is the 


has 
causes of his addiction or the two ye 


in Lexington. 
. 
The Landmark Hotel 
The service was іні еге 
morale poor. In the evenings, the sem 


circu 
empty 
hands stuck ir 


blackjack tables were 
ilers sat around with 
о the pockets of their 


name topped the giant mar- 
s 


quee outside. Show times were listed a 
ten Px. and 2:30 a-n, but shows were 
ing staged at eight and midnight in an 
effort to attract more business. Tt would 
have cost $300 to change the marquee 
Kirby didn't have the money and the 
hotel wouldn't do it. Occasionally, the 

naitre de had to apologize to a customer 
who turned up at the wrong time. Worse 
yet. there were people who turned up 
with tickets they had bought in Los 
Angeles for а play in the main showroom 
that had closed six weeks before. 

Tribulation makes strange bedfellows. 
The owners of the foundering, Landmark 
approached Kirby about doing the show 
and he grabbed at the opportunity to 
put his legal troubles on the back burner. 
For the hotel owners, there was the des 
perately needed publicity about their 
generosity and benevolence. It didn't 
cost them anything. They paid the staff, 
while Kirby was responsible for paying 
the performers. He had always wanted to 
do an all-black show and he pulled that 
one together with a peculiar now-or- 
never energy. The members of the cast 
were all having their own career prob- 
Jems: The Imperials (formerly with Lit- 
Че Anthony) hadn't scored a hit since 
Goin’ Out of My Head; singer Lu Elliott, 
who started out on some classic 
Duke Ellington recordings, was m: 
опе last uy at the big time; and The 
Third Generation Steps, а wio trained in 
the jazz dance. tradition, had just begun 
their careers. 

One night alter the show, the musi- 
cians and performers gathered in the 
lackluster three-reom suite the hotel had 
provided for Kirby's use. Away from their 
instruments, the musicians became small 
businessmen—worried and rumpled men 
n well-worn tuxedos. Kirby told them he 
couldn't pay them for the previous week's 
work but that he'd definitely have the 
money in a day or two, They glanced 
anxiously at one another and at the walls 
ad floor, It embarrasses musicians 10 
Ik about money. Kirby said he wanted 
to move the show to a hotel һа: had 

nore guests. 

“Its a good show,” said one musi 
The others nodded. The suggestions be 
п to flow. The Strip was the first pri- 
ority, but at that point, any other hotel 
would be better. Kirby said he'd пу to 
“four-wall” it—he would be responsible 
for all expenses and pay his musicians 
out of the gate. 

"Are you sure we're рой 
money this time, George?” 

“Absolutely; vou have my word, 
Ty car note is due, 
nods. The bills had to be paid. but there 
was a higher code in oper 


1949 


g lO get our 


id onc. More 


on. As trite as 


à 4 
IHEUSER BUSCH, INC. » ST. 4 INCE 189% 


More comfortable 
than feet. 


Ease into the Hush Puppies lifestyle. So comfortable 
your feet will think you forgot your shoes. A natural fit. 
Light and easygoing. Soft as barefoot. Rogue and 
Flash. Contemporary, casual, comfortably affordable. 
Good looks never felt so good. 


Hush Puppies? 


CASUALS 
©1979 Wolverine World Wide, Inc.. Rockford. Michigan 49351 


5 
EN 


сқ TS BEE 
SSS ey 


ER ET 


“It’s that sort of thing that gives hookers a bad name. 


263 


PLAYBOY 


264 


it may sound in this era of changing 
values, the show had to go on. 

“We might as well finish the week,” 
suggested another musician 

“You will get paid. 1 promise.” 

He charmed them, shared their bur- 
dens and soothed their fears. They shuf- 
fled out slowly in twos and threes. They 
would sit ar the bar, munch hamburge 
n the coffee shop and carefully feed 
their nickels into the slot machines until 
time for the п ht show. It’s difficult 
not to | an who has so many 
problems. 


. 
Winni Russell again 
1. You have 


"George was а 
o wonder why he 
1 s felt he must 
have been somew! cure." He had 
been close to Russell and they'd even 
talked about get m: 
Kirby left Lexington in 1960, 
ah. But h 
ad changed 
ith in him a lile after 
the drug bust." she says sadly. 

Rosemary Calabrese Kirby is a red- 
haired woman whose classic Italian fe: 
tures have begun to go sharp with middle 
age. She spent of tin 1 the 
night clubs of the South Side 
¢ at the Roberts Motel, wh 
was working shortly alter his release from 
^I hadn't seen him around i 
long time,” she remembers. "Li 
found out why. Six months later. we 
personality 


whe 1 lost 


that 


South Side and the Sicilian from the West 
Side had much in common, Both of them 
loved the bright lights and 
show business. They had ih 
in a Baptist ch 
сї on New Ye: ү. because 
d he didn't want to forget his 
anniversary.” 

The couple went into business togeth- 
er. She took care of the details. He per- 


for 1. The first few years were difficult 
professionally, The two years in Lexing- 
ton had set h back. Bu 


there were 


always people who wanted to help Kirby. 
Art Braggs, the owner of the Idlewild 
(Michigan) Revue, sent a telegram to 
Lexington just before his release, bod 
him at 5750 a week, "We struggled, 
says Rosemary. "No matter how poor we 
were, we traveled together. 1 took care 
of his clothes. I ser up interviews. We had 
а good lif him 
constantly." 

"Ehe times were changing. Blacks were 
ing for thc pol 1 rights that had. 
been denied them by law and tradition. 
The struggle reached a fever pitch in 
carly 1965. when Alabama troop- 
ked civil rights marchers before 
national television audience. The т 
tional outrage led to an even bigger 
arch from Selma to Mon mery and a 
-studded show that featured some of 
the biggest names in entertainment. A 
truckload of stage equipment had been 
nizers made a stage out 
only performer to get 


because I was with 


Verlen 


E 


"I can neuer remember which is which, but 
generally. if they sing they're concubines, and if 
they wash dishes they're wives.” 


an encore was Kirby. He was clearly on 
his way to better times. 
Charlie Carpenter m; 
groomed him for the white 
that meant more money and more iclevi- 
sion exposure. Over the next decade. 
Kirby grossed erage of half a mil 
lion dol His comeback wa 
complete 10 his friends 
sime old George. He gave 
charitable causes, to campa 
sickle-cell anemi 
cancer. the disease th ned 1 
only brother. He did. benefits for com 
munity organizations and police depa 
ments and lectured high school stude 
about the evils of drug abuse. 
{ed do his act with Billic Holiday 
playing in the background,” says Holmes 
З e. a Chicago disc jockey 
the Club 
те was "King Heroin’ 
d it was frightening. I'm certain thi 
y from 
Many performers were 
eof drugs. but no 


aged Kirby and 


ud 


nces 


gns 


George steered many kids awa 
drug 


d dictio 
about their u 


one ever saw e do anything bur 
take an occasional drink, 

If he had a weakness, it was that irre- 
pressible urge to help underdog. 


vs down on their luck—all they 


10 see in the paper was that 
in town.” says "He was (he 
biggest touch." Rosemary discovered. his 


generous str 
married. They 
in the hospital. A 
had just been released from Lexi 
turned up. “His friend needed 

a bone so he could work." she re- 
calls. "George gave it to him. He's just 
a big sucker.” 


The court testimony says that Kirby 
called Dave at 343 v. on March S, 
1977, lo tell him he had a sample [or 
him. When Dave arrived at the Kirby 
house, the comedian allegedly produced a 
small glass vial containing a brown p 
dery substance, transferred it to tin foil 
and gave it to the undercover policeman. 
He quoted а price of $15,000 a kilo. The 
next day, Dave complained that the 
heroin was of good street quality but not 
good enough for a large purchase, which 
would have to be cut with lactose or a 
similar substance. Kirby assured him that 
he could get better stuff for a large sale. 
At the same time, he offered to sell him 
two ounces of heroin for $2600. That 
evening, Dave went to Kirby's house and 
puid for two bags of heroin. Kirby had 
10 go out of town, bul he promised 10 
have more information when he 
turned. 

On April 11, Kirby gave Dave another 
sample. That time, Dave was satisfied 
with the quality. They set Friday, April 
I5, for the deal, but Kirby suddenly 
hacked down. He could get a pound of 
coke, he said, but not heroin. Dave said 


Te- 


Esther Laura 


қ 
pu 


Susan Km Karyl J udy 


Have you got the 

. velvet touch? | 
Pick your Velvet girl 
ofthe year i 


No one has a better feelin’ for Black Velvet than you. The thousands 
of pictures we received for our $50,000 Miss Black Velvet Contest proved it. 

Now we've got 8 beautiful semi-finalists. And we need your vote to 
help us choose the Velvet girl for 1979. 

So sit down with a glass of smooth and light Black Velvet® 


Рр. 
== | 


Canadian Whisky and make your choice. Then pick up a ballot E | DAC ay 
at your favorite liquor store or tavern and vote. If you can’t find a 6 S yo 
ballot write to: Black Velvet Contest, P.O. Box 909, Young ee nn — 
America, Minn. 55399, and we'll send you one. But don't forget. Ду 

The next Miss Black Velvet is counting оп you. B TU | 


ус LEED E AEO МЕТ Өзі UN EN CIT теке CUR Lu 


ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH 
TO DRINK LESS THAN 
THE REST OF THE BOYS? 


Some people think the more a man can drink, That’s why we, the people who make and sell 
the more of a man he is. However, it usually works ^ distilled spirits, urge you to use our products with 
the other way around. common sense. If you choose to drink, drink 

Men who drink to build up their egos, end up responsibly. 
putting themselves down. A real man has the strength to say no when 

The guy who claims he can drink everyone he's had enough. 
under the table looks pretty low. Especially if he gets Distilled Spirits Council of the U.S. (DISCUS), 
there. 1300 Pennsylvania Building, Washington, D.C. 20004 


The hero who thinks it’s macho to drink like IT’S PEOPLE WHO GIVE DRINKING 
ABAD NAME. 


_ afish is regarded by sensible people as an animal. 


he was not interested in cocaine. Kirby 
had another trip scheduled, but he prom- 
ised to try to put together a kilo. 

. 

Over the years, Kirby invested іп а 
number of money-making schemes. Th 
was a series of boutiques and a new type 
of umbrella, The Kirbys had two apart- 
ments in а South Side building: a home 
ап office. He lost a lot of mone 
sh it like Gang Buster y 
penter. a soft touch who in his 

feels he's as big as Sammy Davis— 

п he isn’t. George was always a sit- 
ting duck.” When a Federal judge in Las 
Vegas set his bond at $100,000, Kirby 
spent 45 days in jail until another old 
friend, Herman Roberts, owner of a 
string of motels, put up a piece of prop- 
erty as collateral. 

But Carpenter says Kirby was having 
one of his best years in 1977. There were 
the television pilot, produced by Redd 
Foxx, and the oller of the role in The 
Cheap Detective. “And he was.” says 
er, "the top act in the club-date 


During the recession of the carly Seven- 
, many of the hotels closed the lounges 
that had been the main source of work 
for black entertainers and replaced them 
with keno parlors. He had to depend on 


the one-nighters and resorts for his bread 
and butter. But when Kirby moved. Rose- 
mary stayed in Chicago. "He always 


wanted to live in Las Vegas and I jux 
never liked to be there," she says. ^He 
loved to play golf. He figures when he's 
not working in the wintertime, he can 
play golt.” The Kirbys say they have not 
separated: they are just maintaining two 
homes. 

The Las Vegas house is in a new de- 
velopment on the eastern edge of the 
city. The shrubs and trees have just 
begun to grow and haven't yet obliterated 


the desert. His house is larger than most 
on the strect but not immodestly so. 
Plaster casts of famous comedians adorn 


the garage. А pink toilet serves as a 
planter in the small front lawn. The 
house is a memorial to his carcer, а sell- 
conscious affirmation of his membership 
in the show-business establishment, One 
wall is covered with autographed pictures 
of Jim Nabors, Karl Malden, Oziie and 
Harriet and others. His membership in 
the Las Vegas Country Club is also on 
the wall. On the stair well is a Kirby 
family crest, the kind you order out of 
. In a corner is a pile of antique 
trains he wants to set up in his 
back yard. His collection of guns, spears 
and knives adorns the stairs. There 
are fine African sculptures throughout 


the house. Upstairs, his golf trophies line 
the halls. The den is crowded with film 
projectors, video-tape players and several 
television sets, Sometimes he would stay 
up all night to watch television or to 
study the mannerisms of a personality he 
wanted to mimic. 

It's clear that Las Vegas involved a 
major change in his life. He no longer 
lived with Rosemary. He had some dis- 
agreements with his outspoken manager. 
When Redd Foxx offered to do a pilot 
for him, Kirby wanted to handle it him- 
self. Carpenter says he had to intervene 
to get it done. The manager also remem- 
bers seeing people around Kirby whom 
he didn't know or like, “I'd say, ‘George, 
who is that gu That's my friend from 
Chicago” “That's my friend from New 
York’ I didn't care how well dressed 
they were,” Carpenter says, “they were 
still bums.” 

Kirby's wife remembers only one peri 
od when he seemed troubled. He had an 
operation to remove some nodes from his 
larynx and he couldn't talk for six wee 
“Most of the time, I’m the worrier. 
George always says everything will be 
all right." 


. 

In the Landmark's main showroom, 
Kirby was strolling from table to table. 
He had time to talk with nearly everyone. 
Most of the customers were white middle- 
ged couples. There was a handful of 
blacks. "Did you read the paper this 
mor ? About the heart transplant? 
‘They put the heart of a white man in a 
black man. He ran around trying to 
cosign for everybody. They put the heart 
of a black man in à white m 
himself to death.” The whites laughed. 
The blacks chuckled self-consciously. For 
them, Kirby's Joke was too close to the 
well-worn stereotypes. 

Next he showed off his talents by sing- 
ing а blues in the voices of Cagney, Bette 
Davis, Boris "ОН and Laurel and 
Hardy. His musical talents shone through 
in his remarkable imitations of Pearl 
Bailey, Joc Williams and trombonist J. 
Johnson. While hing else in hi 
was repeated without modification every 
night, the trombone solo was 2 genuine 
improvisation and the musicians nodded 
their appreciation of his most inventive 
passages. After a surprisingly fine rend 
tion of 1 Write the Songs, Kirby brought 
the entire cast back for bows. It was a 
good show and the audience lelt satisfied, 
but a peculiar dated quality lingered. 
How many people, I wondered, would 
pay money to see imitations of Bette 
Davis and Boris Karloff? How many are 
old enough to care? 

George Kirby has more talent in his 
left hand than a dozen other 
together,” says Daddy-o Daylie 
really very good, but he never worked at 
it, He just never had the drive to become 
a real superstar.” Carpenter tried to get 
Kirby to update his act. He introduced 


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267 


date crowd, but when you work mass 
audiences, it's differ 


* him to talented young comedy writers 
© and encouraged his client to develop the 

skits and sketches that most modern 
M comics favor. 7 ches on," Car- 
pe penter s stayed with the 
ethnic jokes. Things came too easily. The 
2 hnic jokes were the club- 
R 


. 
The court records say that on April 
26, 1977, Kirby called California and 
asked to speak with Mary. After his tele- 
phone conversation, he told Dave that а 
kilo of heroin would cost $52,000. Dave 
said he had to have a sample first. Two 
nights later, Kirby called him and said, 
“Dave, this is George Kirby. Your suits 
ате їп. Call me as soon as you can.” Law- 
enforcement agencies had “pen registers” 
on Kirby's telephone, taps that recorded 
only the number dialed. They also placed 
them on the two Las Vegas telephones of 
“Mary,” а black woman known as Mary 
Clay or Mary Christmas, who operated a 
store known as Decors 
Surveillance teams followed Mary's silver- 
gray pickup lo Kirby's home on the night 
of April 28. She stayed 30 minutes and 
left. Kirby called Dave and asked him to 
come by. Once again, they went through 
the vilual of testing the sample. Kirby 
said the heroin could be stepped down at 
least ten times, but he would sell only а 
pound at a time as a safety precaution. 
He wanted 10 make the sale before 9:30 
the next morning, because he was sched- 
шей to play in a golf tournament at the 
Sands at ten. Dave said he couldn't get 
the money until the bank opened ai ten. 
Reluctantly, Kirby agreed 10 wait until 
А 

AL 8:30 on the morning of Friday, 
April 29, Mary Clay left a house at 5061 
Stampa carrying a green garbage bag, 
drove 10 1836 Kenneth Street, stayed five 
minutes and went directly to Kirby's 
house. AU 10215, one of the undercover 
policemen noted that Kirby was standing 
on the roof of his garage and looking 
uround, 

AL one minute past 1, Dave arrived. 
He tested the heroin and weighed it. It 
came to slightly more than a pound. He 
said he had to go to his car for the mon- 
vy. А few minutes later, he brought in a 
briefcase and handed it to Kirby, The 
briefcase was a signal to other members 
of the team that the heroin was іп the 
house, Kirby opened the briefcase and а 
hick snake popped ир. The two men 
laughed at the joke. Dave said he would 
now gel the money. He opened the front 
door and half a dozen law-enforcement 
officials barged in with their guns drawn. 
“Put your hands up!" they shouted. 
“You're under arrest.” Kirby jumped up 
and ran backward toward the 
Two officers pinned him against the wall 

268 and snapped on the handcuffs, Mary Clay 


chen. 


was seized in the bathroom upstairs. She 
was handcuffed and brought down to the 
living тоот. An officer read them their 
rights. 

. 

The trial of George Kirby and Mary 
Clay in Federal court lasted a little less 
than two weeks. The chief witness wa 

Dave,” who is really Ralph Orduno, а 
Las Vegas undercover narcotics officer 
with nearly 18 years of experience. He 
elully logged every meeting he 
һу. tested every sample 
of cocaine or heroin, taped сусу 
telephone conversation. Judge Roger 
Foley rejected 16 motions to dismiss the 
mes or suppress the evidence. During 

the bench. Assistant U. 5 
ht told the judge 
anized-crime figures had issued 
contracts on Kirby's life to prevent him 
from cooperating. Kirby's attorney, Rob- 
ert Reid, said it was a ploy to pressure his 
client into asking for protection and to 
gain publicity for law-enforcement off- 
cial On Tuesday, December 20, 1977, 
the jury found Kirby guilty of selling 
two ounces of heroin to Orduno and of 
nying to distribute another half kilo. 

Mary Clay was found guilty of one count 
of possession with intent to distribute. In 
a final plea belore sentencing, Kirby 
lawyer argued that Kirby was just a со 
duit who hadn't profited fi Пу from 
the transaction. The presentence report 
t helpful. The references 
to organized crime the judge litle 
cause to be lenient. On February 2 
1978, Foley imposed two concurrent ten- 
year sentences on. Kirby. The maximum 
sentence for each count could have been 
15 years and а $25,000 fine. The judge 
also set bail at $100,000. A ri port for 
a local paper noted the surprise of court- 
room observers at the stiff sentence. 

The 
by Geo by. When his lawyer died 
shortly after the sentencing, Redd Foxx 

ganized a benefit show on Kirby's be- 
half to help raise funds for an apy 
Haman Roberts put up the collateral 
for bail. 

His new attorney, ап aggressive, polit- 
ically connected black man named Rob- 
ert Archie, filed an appeal with the Ninth 
Circuit Court of Appeals іп San Fran- 
cisco, on procedural grounds, “I just 
wondered,” says Archie, “if the punish- 
ment George was receiving was proper 
punishment." On. Archie's advice, Kirby 
decided 10 plead guilty on two of the five 
counts the state of Nevada had brought 
st him. It was an attempt at plea 
Conviction for the sale of 
Nevada maximum 
sentence of life imprisonment. 

. 

A week passed at the Landmark Hotel 
and it was clear to the performers that 
the show was about to close. They didn't 
get paid on Wednesday, Thursday or 


о rby wisi 


or 


carr 


sa 


ing to another hotel. 
of the 
profession kept tl oing. The smiles, 
the back pats and encouragements were 
part of the old traditions—the show goes 
on. In the audience, Kirby wandered 
through the room and shook hands. “Did 
you read the newspaper today? About the 
heart transplant. . . . 

Once the other acts went on, he re- 
turned to the landing. He k of 
keno cards and watched for his lucky 
numbcei 

“АП of my life I've tried to live a good 
Christian life," he said. "Clean ас. No 
ad publicity about me with women, as a 
drinker, doing things in public. The min- 
ute this came out about me in Las V. 
it was everywhere, nationally, all over 
world. .. . You cannot lie to God. ТІ 
the one you have to answer to. He knows 
^t [ool everybody. 1 dont have 


fore the second show, ihe ritua 


s 


ш will turn our all right in the end 
What's that TV show," he said м 
wry smile, “You Are There? Well, this is 
it. FII finish out the weekend, I don't 
care if they all quit, II go on by myself 
if 1 have to. 

“Гус done it before." 

On November 28, 1978, District Judge 
Carl Christensen sentenced Kirby to 20 
years in a Nevada state prison for traf- 
ficking in heroin and cocaine. He will 
serve the Federal and the state time con- 
currently and will be eligible for parole 
оп the Federal charges in three and а 
half years and on the state charges in 
fwe and а half. His lawyer dropped 
plans to appeal the Federal sentence. 

The courtroom wasn't packed, any 
more than all those shows at the Land- 
mark had been. Excluding attorneys, 
newspaper reporters and other prisoners 
in the dock awaiting sentencing, they 
were no more than 20 people in the 
room, half Kirby's friends and half the in- 
evitable curious onlookers. 

This time, the star told no jokes and 
the trademark smile was gone. “H could 
be he has more intelligence and talent,” 
said Judge Christensen of the man sitting 
before him, “than anyone іп Ihis court- 
room.” Before being sentenced, Kirby 
stood up behind the defense table to say 
а few words. He wore a tailored. black 
suit, a white pinstripe shirt and the thick 
glasses he always wears when he isn’t 
performing. He removed the glasses and 
wiped his forehead. 

“A friend got me into it,” Kirby said 
quietly to this final audience. “It was an 
opportunity to get some money to catch 
up оп my bills. 1 am no trafficker in 


drugs.” 
[v] 


OUR CUSTOMERS 
REALLY GET ENGROSSED IN 
THE SHOW. 


SIR? WOULD YOU LIKE HELP 
WITH THAT LIGHT FIXTURE THAT JUST 
FELL ON YOUR HEAD? 


+ I MUST ADMIT, EVEN 
1 DON'T KNOW IF WANT SERVING DRINKS GETS SPOOKY. SOME- 
TIMES, L DON'T EVER SEE THE 


TO WORK HERE customers’ FACES! 


WAITRESS...” 


ANOTHER 
CANT SORRY. ROUND! 
GET SOMETHING NO TOUCHING 
TO EAT HERE? ALLOWED, 


PLAYBOY 


WATCH ME IN 

ACTION, ANNIE. MAYBE YOU'LL CHANGE 

YOUR MIND ABOUT WORKING HERE WHEN Жм 
YOU SEE THE TIPS. 


FANCY MEETING 
YOU HERE! 


LOOK THERE 
THAT PARTY 


THE FILTH 
ANO OBSCENITY 


HERE'S. N 
YOUR BEER, Jj 
SIR 


JZ SINCE WE CAN'T 
SELL HARD LIQUOR, 


7 BENTON 
А SIX-PACK OF BEER BATTBARTON! 


15 OUR MINIMUM I THOUGHT 
THAT REAR ENG 


LOOKI 
FAMILIAR! 


+ $40, PLEASE. 


(AHEM) I WAS. 
JUST TIPPING THIS YOUNG LADY 
FOR HER VERY FINE 
PERFORMANCE. 


(AHEM) IT'S 
NOT WHAT YOU THINK, 
My DEAR. 


WHICH ONE OF 
THOSE IMPASSIVE 
ORIENTALS IS 
GETTING DONE 
UNDER THE 


HELLO! 
PRECINCT? THE VICE 
SQUAD 16 PARALYZED!’ 
SEND ME SOME POLICE- 

WOMEN ^ 


THE DISGRACEFUL 
THINGS I AND MY 
ASSISTANT, MISS FANNY, 
HAVE SEEN! 


(AHEM) 
OFFICERS, T АМ А 
WATCHDOG WITH THE 
MAYOR'S CLEANUP 

COMMISSION — 


J IT'S GETTING 


LATE AND T HAVE \ 
To GO HOME. ш 


you! OUT WITH THE 
REST! YOU MAY BE А CLEAN AND 
DECENT WATCHDOG, BUT YOU'VE 
GOT LUST IN YOUR FLY, 


с ЛОТ | 
nd dining all-ou 


sutor e оока еда та GEES rr cian 
STE PERAE SHIANOFE FS [D VISQN О HEUBLEN (NC 1 HARTFORD. CT 
УАУ 


Ж»; 


GADGETS. 
BRASS, GLASS, BILLS AND THRILLS 


Below: Talk is cheap but not to Ma Bell. The TeleCoster I enables you to 
reduce costs by instantly computing what a call will cost before you 
make it; TeleCoster also keeps track of phone time, by UVC, $49.95. 


Above: This bauble for the hip explorer isa brass sundial/compass 
called Noah's Navigator: Wear it around your neck to boogie 
ог the next time you cross the Sahara, by Parker House, $20. 


(оз) 

ea) 
ex 
thal 


RICHARD IZU! 


Above: The Clean N’ Brite K42 ultrasonic cleaning system elec- 
tronically removes tarnish, oil, corrosion, paint and wax from 
jewelry, brushes, tools, et seconds, by Ultrasonics Interna- 
tional, $49.95. Right: Mitsubishi’s black-and-white clock-radio/ 
TV works on a battery ог A.C./D.C., from Melco Sales, $200. 


273 


PLAYBOY 


And only L&M Long Lights 
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*Based on Maxwell Report, 1977. 


TUGGETT GROUP T 


WHEELS 


A NEW SAAB STORY 


prototype, looked like an airplane wing with a little 

passenger bubble on top and four skinny wheels at its 

rounded corners, logical because the Swedish airplane 
manufacturer then had only a group of wing designers avail- 
able to tackle the proposed car project. 

Since that time, Saab’s auto-making arm has progressed 
from noisy, bathtub-shaped, two-stroke-powered automo- 
tive eccentricities to sleek, modern, turbo-powered passen- 
ger cars of the highest engineering order. This year, the 
11-year-old 99 series bows to a highly sophisticated 900 line 
of “wagonback” three-door and five-door sedans, powered 
by the spirited two-liter, overhead-cam four-cylinder Saab 
engine with or without turbocharger. 

The traditional Saab themes of safety, durability, rough- 
road handling and foul-weather stability are maintained in 
the 900, yet the new car is roomier, more comfortable, 
quieter and smoother riding than its predecessor. Bodies, 
engine/transaxle units and certain other components are 
assembled by autonomous groups rather than by the im- 
personal assembly-line method, a technique that Saab has 
perfected and expanded while others have tried it and 
failed, and one that the company says saves it money 
through a higher level of quality and less need for costly 
inspections and repairs at the factory. 

The 900 fairly bristles with engi- 
neering features: four-wheel disc 
brakes, unique safety and antivibra- 
tion engine mounts, automatic seat 
warmers, impact-absorbing inner-roof 
and lower-dashboard structures, ап 
instrument panel laid out and lighted 
so that everything can be read and 
reached without diverting attention 
from the road, and the industry’s only 
ventilation-system filter to remove 
dust, pollution, pollen and even bac- 
teria from the incoming air. Like all 
Saabs, the 900 has front-wheel drive 
for maximum traction, straight-line 
stability and good passenger space, 
and it’s designed so that no less than 
52 percent of its weight is over the 
driving wheels, regardless of the cargo 
load in back. 

1 drove a turbocharged five-door 
900 for four days across Sweden on a 


| t was logical that the first Saab automobile, a 1946 


tour that included both two-lane and freeway driving (often 
in strong side winds), a lot of fast touring on nasty dirt and 
gravel roads and a whole afternoon of high-speed testing 
on a very wet road-racing course, and 1 found the handling 
nearly impeccable under all conditions. Once | became 
accustomed to the light touch required of Saab’s power 
brakes and steering, the car became almost an extension of 
my will. The front end pointed precisely everywhere 1 
aimed it and the back end never threatened to do anything 
surprising, regerdless of the road surface and condition. 

Like all front-drive cars, it does understeer a bit coming 
out of slippery turns with power on, the front end “plow- 
ing” straight ahead at first and the inside tire scrabbling for 
traction, but that is very controllable the throttle. 
Braking, even halfway through a curve, is superb and ex- 
tremely stable, while power response from the turbomotor 
is quick, predictable and often downright exciting. 

Although it looks like a stretched 99, the 900 is really a 
much-improved car in every way. Its added length and 
wheelbase contribute to ride, aerodynamics and interior 
room while giving a more balanced appearance, yet per- 
formance and economy are unaffected by the few pounds 
of additional weight. Above all, this larger, more luxurious 
Saab can make a demon back-road rally runner out of the 
most mild-mannered freeway crawler. © —GARY WITZENBURG 


Writer Witzenburg takes a Saab 900 Turbo through a tight corner of a Swedish road-racing 
course. Prices for the 900 series range from $7798 for the basic three-door with manual 
transmission to $11,968 for the five-door Turbo, which has everything on it but landing flaps. 


275 


They're Looking for a 
Few Good Men 


This photo of tennis ace BJORN BORG isnot an ad 
for the All-Volunteer Army, nor is he gunning for his 
nemesis, Jimmy Connors. As a guest of Israel’s ten- 
nis establishment, he played a match with Vitas 
Gerulaitis and toured the country. At the Wailing 
Wall in Jerusalem, he met some Israeli soldiers who 
lent him this gear. Your game, Bjorn. 


AZOULAY /SYGMA 


Sleek Chic 


He's Not Getting Older, He's Getting Better Department: Take a look at JEAN-PAUL 
BELMONDO at 45. He's suave. He's mature. He's the king of French cinema, starring їп а 
new police comedy called Flic ou Voyou, about a cop who infiltratesa nest of mobsters and 
shady politicians. Now, about the aviator helmet, Jean-Paul... . 


2 2 


21 
м, 
1 


See Us Again in Six Months 
OK, rock fans, here's the latest on MICK JAGGER: Contrary to rumor, he isn't pregnant and 
he didn’t grow any new hair on his chest and, as far as we can make out, there's an absence 
of tattoos, Next time, a close look at Mick's shoulder blades. 


WILLIAM KAREL/SYGMA 


276 


Ladies’ Man... 


is the titleof 29-year-old Wunderkind novelist RICHARD 
PRICE's third book. As for the other two, Bloodbrothers 
is already a movie and The Wanderers (about street 
gangs) is in production. Richard is getting excited. 


o 
g 
2 
É 
Е 
8 
8 
z 
ES 


Pit Stop 

We've got an exclusive, folks—Mork’s armpit. It’s not 
every day that we can bring you a photo totally lacking in 
redeeming social value. But let's face it, ROBIN 
WILLIAMS is hot; his ABC-TV show Mork & Mindy is the 
only successful new series. So just remember: Shazbat 
is never having to say you're canceled. 


JOHN PASCHAL /MICHELSON 


LYNN GOLDSMITH, INC, © 1978 


É 
EH 
E 
$ 
е 
2 
2 
E] 
Е 


Michelangelo’s Back, and We've Got Him 


Well, not exactly. The Sistine ceiling this isn't, but then we remembered that MARTIN 
MULL got his first big break playing an original composition called Dueling Tubas. So 
in some ways, this is an improvement. After a couple of seasons on TV as talk-show 
host Barth Gimble on America 2Night, Mull is considering several offers—including 
‘one to run an art school for people who paint by numbers. 


Is It a Bird? 


No, it's Superman's friend Lois Lane, Girl Reporter. When MARGOT KIDDER wrote 
the copy for a 1975 pictorial we did on her, we had no idea she was contemplating a 
journalism career. But with the sequel to Superman already in the works, and with 
Kidder playing Lane again, Sally Quinn had better look to her laurels. 277 


__PLAYBOY’S ROVING EYE 


Wonder Why Records Cost So Much? 


Last fall, a certain rock group—in a blatant attempt to solicit 
free publicity for a recently released single about the joys of 
pedalphilia—staged a nude bicycle race, then sent us the 
black-and-whites (shown opposite). Did we fall for il? Not 
us. But when the same group invited the press to a rather 
unorthodox autograph party in New Orleans, we decided it 
rated some kind of mention. Nice going, Queen. Keep it up. 


280 


SEX NEWS 


We visited a crazed collector of erotica recently and look what we found in the playroom. 
We must, we must improve our bust? Or is it a subtle variation of the Chinese Basket Trick? 
The exerciser costs $150, from Embro Co., Inc., РО. Box 856, Newhall, California 91322. 


HAPPY UNBIRTHDAY 


Zero Population Growth, Inc., is 
ten years old. You remember Z.P.G — 
they're the people who gave us I.U.D. 
earrings and valentines containing red 
condoms. Now Z.P.G. warns that we are 
no closer to curbing population growth 
than we are to developing a vaccine 
against heart attacks. At the current 
birthrate, U. S. population will double 
in 63 years. The group has modified its 
goals from an early prediction earmark- 
ing 1990 for population stability to the 
year 2008. And this goal will be reached 
only if average family size is reduced 
from the current 1.82 children to 1.6. 


Moon, tune, spoon. Serenade her with the 
Stradivarias, a fusion of erotic art and 
music. It's $690, from A. R. 


In addition, Z.P.G. is now zeroing in on 
immigration and the creation of more 
job opportunities for women. 


IS THIS THE DAWNING 

OF THE AGE OF AQUARIUS? 

America's current crop of parents is 
no more willing to tell its kids about sex 
than previous generations were, say 
researchers at the Project on Human 
Sexual Development in Cambridge, 
Massachusetts. In a three-year project, 
the researchers broadly examined par- 
ents' sexual practices, attitudes and con- 
cepts of their gender roles at home and 
at work. They wanted to know how 
children learn sex roles. Part of the proj- 
ect focused on how kids discover the 
birds and the bees—the facts about 
intercourse. It turns out most parents 
retreat into silence when a sexual topic 
arises. It seems they mistrust their own 
sexual values and are afraid to com- 
municate them to their kids. Remem- 
ber, this is the same generation that 
invented the be-in and body painting. 
Folks, it may be time to string up the 
old love beads and put the Fugs on the 
stereo again. 


EAT YOUR SPINACH— 

IT’S GOOD FOR YOU, KID 

A Planned Parenthood official in 
Denver says the average age that Amer- 
ican girls reach puberty is now 12. And 
that figure has dropped about six 
months every decade since about 1940. 
Hmmm, we figured that by the year 
2219, baby girls would arrive with all 
the adult equipment, eliminating train- 
ing bras once and for all. Such specula- 
tion led us to Sheri Tepper, executive 
director of Rocky Mountain Planned 


BILL ARSENAULT 


Parenthood. Tepper explained further 
that about one third of the girls begin 
to menstruate at the age of 11, and that 
back in 1840, the average age for female 
puberty was a ripe old 17, Then, about 
40 years ago, America experienced a rev- 
olution in transportation that brought 
fresh produce to all parts of the U. S. 
even in the chill of winter. The nutri- 
tional improvement in young girls' diets 
may have resulted in earlier puberty. 
The well-known early puberty of girls 
in the tropics hints at this prognosis. 
Equatorial native girls have access to 
fresh fruits and veggies all year long. To 
date, no research has indicated which 
nutrients actually affect the maturation 
process, but experiments with rats have. 
linked nutrition to sexual maturation. 


SHE OUGHT TO BE 
IN PICTURES 

Artist Hannah Wilke tends to raise a 
few eyebrows. We like the work she 
did for a feminist exhibit that warned 
“Beware of fascist feminism.” Kneaded- 
eraser and bubble-gum vaginas аге 
common Wilke creations. In one bub- 
ble-gum exhibit, she decorated her 
semiclad body with gum that the 
audience chewed for her. Wilke also 


photographs and videotapes herself 
nude in hair curlers, cowboy hats and 
maid uniforms. The message is that a 
woman can be intelligent, beautiful and 
naked. She recently did an interview 
for Artnews, in which she appeared 
clothed beside her artwork. She de- 
cided that something had been left 
out—her beautiful and naked side. So 
she reposed, this time topless, and 
called the work Artnews, Revised Issue. 
If Artnews won't publish the new photo, 
we will. Wilke's work is handled by 
Ronald Feldman Fine Arts in New York, 
Marianne Deson Gallery in Chicago 
and Margo Leavin Gallery in Los 

Angeles. [v] 


Superb 
Awesome 


Ж 


Outrageous " 


Great car stereo sound used to be an all-or-nothing affair. Either you blew 
a bundle, or you settled for second best. 
Now meet the Sanyo Expandables. Car components engineered to let you work your 
way up from "superb" to *outrageous." In steps that your budget can handle. 


*Step1:“Superb.” 

Start off your system with one of Sanyo’s new AUDIO/SPEC 
car stereos anda pair of Sanyo speakers. You'll get great specs, 
great sound, and the superior engineering of the world's largest tape 
equipment manufacturer. 

Some models give you Dolby noise reduction, Sendust Alloy 
heads (for all tapes including metal particle), and electronic tuning 
with digital readout of frequency, time, and date. You can also get 
super-low distortion preamp level outputs — highly recommended 
for Step 2. 


**Step 2: “Awesome.” 

Whenever you're ready to really feel the music, get hold of an 
AUDIO/SPEC high fidelity power amplifier. We've got four models, 
with 25 to 60 watts RMS per channel into 4 ohms. Allratedper FTC 
home hi-fi specs, with full 20-20,000Hz power bandwidth and no 
more than 0.05% total harmonic distortion! Some have a unique 
motor-driven fader for balancing front and rear speakers. 

The amplifiers accept preamp level or high level (speaker) in- 
puts, so they'll work with just about any radio/tape unit. Awesome! 


***Step3:“ Outrageous.” 

If nothing less than the ultimate will do, plug in a Sanyo 
AUDIO/SPEC graphic equalizer between your radio/tape player 
and the power amp. With 7 bands of precise control, you can cus- 
tomize the sound to fit your taste and your car’s acoustics. In sec- 
onds, you can actually “re-engineer” any recording to bring out any 
vocal or instrumental range. Hear it, and you'll be hooked! 

The Sanyo Expandables are at better auto sound dealers now. 
Check out the features and the phenomenal sound, and start plan- 
ning your Expandable system. 

Then watch it grow on you. 


The Sanyo Expandables: great sound that grows on you. 


SSAN YO 


Sanyo Electric Inc., 1200 W. Artesia Bivd., Compton, CA 90220 
Write for your free copy of our information-packed booklet, “How 
to buy car stereo (without getting taken fora ride)” 


Manufacturer's suggested retail value. Actual selling price determined by dealer. 


Dolby is a registered trademark of Dolby Laboratories. © 1979 Sanyo Electric Inc., Compton, CA 


282 


Still making 
history. 


The British Army com- 
missioned Clarks to design a 
lightweight, rugged, com- 
fortable boot for their men in 
North Africa. 

Today, Clarks Desert 
Boot is still the ultimate in 
casual comfort. Made of 
supple sand suede...with no 
hard edges...and plantation 
crepe soles to make you feel 
like you're walking on air. 

Clarks Desert Boot. 
The original is still the great- 
est. 


OF ENGLAND 
Made by skilled hands the world over. 


Clarks shoes priced Irom 525.00 to $55.00. 
For the store nearest you wite Clarks, Box 92. 


Belden Station, Norwalk, Ct. 06852— Dept. DBPB: 


NEXT MONTH: 


WHITE LIES 


ы 1 
WORKING VICE 


MARCUS MAIOS ACTING OUT 


“THE PRIVATE LIFE OF MARILYN MONROE”—FROM THE 
FORTHCOMING BOOK BY THE WOMAN WHO, FOR THE LAST SIX 
YEARS OF MM'S LIFE, WAS HER CLOSEST CONFIDANTE, THE MOST 
INTIMATE LOOK YET AT THE SEX GODDESS’ LIFE AND LOVES— 
BY LENA PEPITONE AND WILLIAM STADIEM 


“WHITE LIES”—A MAN IS LITERALLY EATEN BY DESIRE IN THIS 
DARKEST-AFRICA VERSION OF THE OLD HASTE-MAKES-WASTE 
ADAGE, AN IRONIC STORY BY PAUL THEROUX 


“ACTING OUT"'—REVEALING FILM CLIPS FROM THE NEW MOVIE 
BY WOODY ALLEN ASSOCIATE RALPH ROSENBLUM, IN WHICH 
PEOPLE PUT THEIR SEX FANTASIES INTO ACTION 


“1 WAS A MILITARY-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX”—EVER HAD А 
PROBLEM GETTING CREDIT CARDS? TRY BECOMING A DEFENSE 
CONTRACTOR (A FICTIONAL ONE, OF COURSE). THAT SCAM DID 
WONDERS FOR ARTHUR T. HADLEY 


“LADY CHASTITY'S LAST STAND’’—THERE SHE WAS, А 
FLASHER IN A VIRGIN-MARY COSTUME. WHAT'S AN EVANGELIST 
TO DO? AN IRREVERENT TALE BY PHILIP CIOFFARE 


“PERKS”—WHAT WITH HIGH TAXES AND LOW WAGE / PRICE 
GUIDELINES, AN EXECUTIVE'S UPWARD MOBILITY IS MEASURED 
MORE BY HIS FRINGE BENEFITS THAN BY HIS SALARY. A STUDY 
OF THE LATEST COMPENSATION TRENDS—BY FRED FERRETTI 


“WORKING VICE"—OUR AUTHOR'S MISSION: RIDE SHOTGUN 
WITH THE COPS WHO ARREST HOOKERS—BY JULES SIEGEL 


“PHOTOGRAPHY BY: KEN MARCUS" —A PORTFOLIO OF SOME 
OF OUR MOST BEAUTIFUL LEADING LADIES SHOT BY A LEADING 
PLAYBOY CONTRIBUTOR 


“ATHLETES PAST THEIR PRIME"—AN EXAMINATION OF THE 
REASONS WHY SOME JOCKS KEEP PLAYING TOO LONG, WHILE 
OTHERS KNOW WHEN TO QUIT, BY THE AUTHOR OF THE BOYS OF 
SUMMER—ROGER KAHN 


“PLAYBOY’S SPRING AND SUMMER FASHION FORECAST''— 
IT'S TIME AGAIN TO THINK ABOUT SHEDDING YOUR WOOLLIES 
FOR COOLER STUFF: HOT TIPS FROM DAVID PLATT 


£i 


"AN HOA MAN ANVANO AUATILLSIO HOSONIM 3HL А8 021108 ONY 0318 04M "30094 08 - ON318 Y-AXSIHM NYIOYNYO 


WINDSOR 
ААА 

This Canadian has a reputation for smoothness. So you won't catch 
him drinking anything less than the smoothest whisky around. 


Windsor. A whisky made with glacier-fed spring water and aged in 
the clear, clean air of the Canadian Rockies. 


WINDSOR CANADIAN. 
It’s got a reputation for smoothness. 


National Smoker Study: 


Rocks“ 


Jar/ laste 
Theory 


Flavor rated as good as or better than high 
tar leaders in fresh research study. 


Can low tar MERIT with ‘Enriched Flavor m 
tobacco disprove the old "low tar, low taste” theory? 
Read the results of detailed. nationwide research 
conducted among high tar smokers who taste-tested 

MERIT against high tar brands ~and among 
current MERIT smokers 
Research Confirms Taste Satisfaction 

Confirmed: Majority of high tar smokers rate 
MERIT taste equal to—or better than -leading high 
tar cigarettes tested! Cigarettes having up to twice 
the tar 

Confirmed: Majority of high tar smokers confirm 
taste satisfaction of low tar MERIT. 

Confirmed: Overwhelming majority of MERIT 
© Philip Morris Inc. 1979 
Kings: 8 mg’ "tar; 0.6 то nicotine — 
100 s: 11 mg’ ‘tar; "0.7 mg nicotine ау. per cigarette, FIC Report May ‘78 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


smokers say their former high tar brands weren't missed! 

Confirmed: 55% of MERIT smokers say it was an 
"easy switch" from high tar brands. 

Confirmed: 9 out of 10 MERIT smokers not 
considering other brands. 

First Major Alternative 
‘To High Tar Smoking 

MERIT has proven conclusively that it not only 
delivers the flavor of high tar brands — but continues 
to satisfy! 

This ability to satisty over long periods of time 
could be the most important evidence to date that 
MERIT is what it claims to be: The first real 
alternative for high tar smokers. 


MERIT 


Kings & ЮО%