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PLAYBOY

ENTERTAINMENT FOR MEN SEPTEMBER 1979 • $2.50

WOMEN

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Playboy photographers' recruiting tour of Ivy League campuses stirs up emotions.

D playboy
PETE ROSE SLAMS SURVIVE. кон finds phi beta
FANS, MANAGEMENT, |. kappa
MEDIA, PLUGS SELF

countries are laughing up their collective 1
E A playmate
they know it. They ought to be laughing

lag’! need their oil. We never did.

PHILADELPHIA, Р; ‘Twenty soj

ago, Peter Edward Rose was j
in the river wards of Ci

y a means to an end,
possible means. The end
e ourselves around convenient-
ices

KGDL SUPER LIGHTS

Now smooth gets smabther
and even lower in tar:

A light menthol blend gives low ‘tar’
smokers the smooth taste they want.
Never harsh tasting. Now you can
make the sma@th move to _ -à
KQDL Super Lights.

H
3
Е
3

10’woofer. 4 midrange. 2"tweeter.
And 7 big watts. To go.

Back in the days when most of power, it'll rock your socks off. Wher- while, the radio section delivers crisp
people thought woofers and tweeters ever you take it. reception on FM, AM and shortwave
meant puppies and parakeets, a tran- You'll also be carrying quite a bands.
sistor radio was the best way to carry recording facility. Five flashing LED So find your nearest JVC Home
your sound around. Peak indicators help you accurately Entertainment dealer by calling TOLL-

Not anymore. Now JVC has adjust recording levels. Independent FREE 800-221-7502 (in NY call

packed a big three-way speaker system bass and treble controls plus a mixing 212-476-8300). Or write: JVC Home

into a rugged radio/ cassette portable. balancer tailor the sound. Its built-in Entertainment Division, 58-75 Queens
We call it the RC-550. The sound microphone even swivels 300° Mean- Midtown Expressway, Maspeth,

from its woofer, tweeter, and mid- NY 11378.

range speakers comes as close to home Then go look for the RC-550—or

hi-fi as you can get. And with 7 watts* one of our 12 other portables. To go.
2 "(100 Hz-10 KHz, 6 ohms, 10% THD) FTC

! JVC

US JVC CORP

Now you're ready for JVC.

o -

“We Puerto Ricans know white rum makesa smoother drin
than gin or vodka. We're pleased you're starting to agree with us?

Enrique Vila del Corral, CPA, and his wife Ingrid.

Puerto Rican white rum and soda on the
rocks with a twist. Refreshingly dry and
satisfying

You'll also find that white rum mixes
bcautifully with other favorites like tonic
and orange juice. In fact no matter how you
mix it, Puerto Rican white rum makes
decidedly smoother, better tasting drinks.

For one very good reason. By law, every
drop of Puerto Rican white rum is aged
atleast one full year. And when it comes to

For free "Light Rums of Puerto Rico” recipes, write: Puerto Rican Rums,
Dept. P-9, 1290 Avenue of Ihe Arnericas, N.Y, N.Y. 10019.01979 Commonwealth ol Puerto Rico.

smoothness, aging is the name of the game.
Make sure the rum is Puerto Rican.

The name Puerto Rico on the label is
your assurance of excellence.

The йә ө Renge ee liga
making rum for almost five centuries. Their
specialized skills and dedication result in a
rum of exceptional taste and purity.

No wonder over 85% of the rum sold in
thiscountry comes from Puerto Rico.

PUERTO RICAN RUMS |

white rum & soda

WE WERE WARNED that if we tried to shoot a pictorial featuring,
Ivy League women, those ultraliberated ladies would ride us
out of town on a rail. It didn't turn out quite that way, but
before Contributing Photographer Devid Chon returned from
the halls of ie rvard, et al., he'd certainly had his share of
ontreversy. Read what writer Jesse Kornbluth has to say about
it and see our sizzling photos of Girls/Women of the Ivy
League, edited by Associate Photography Editor Jeff Cohen.

September heralds the beginning of autumn, when the smell
of burning leaves fills the air. Or is that the aroma of your
local pizza parlor being torched? According to the FBI, arson
has become a big-profit business for organized crime, so we
sent investigative reporter Jomes McKinley out into the charred
ruins of America to find out why. His explosive report is called
Fire for Hire and, believe us, it’s hot.

Speaking of heat, Maury Z. Levy and Somentha Stevenson made
baseball superstar Pete Rose pretty warm under the collar with
some of the questions they asked him for this month's Playboy
Interview. Fortunately, Rose didn't completely blow his stack
before Levy and Stevenson had persuaded him to talk exte:
sively about his phenomenal career, who's on his shit list in
baseball and his often troubled home life.

Moving on to one of today's most controversial topics, ener-
Бу, Richard Rhodes contends that the U. S. is embarr itself
by kowtowing to the oil cartel. He says we should tell the
OPEC nations to sit on their reserves; we've got other means
of lighting up our lives. He outlines those means in Oil: Who
Needs 102, illustrated with a slick hand by Roger Huyssen.

The word slick reminds us of oysters, and oysters remind.
us of New Orleans, where—bear with us—we take you for the
third installment of our Sex in America series (we've already
brought you Miami and Chicago). We sent Peter Ross Range
(who also covered Miami) to the home of jazz, gumbo, Mardi
Gras and, of course, the French ter, After turning in his
article, New Orleans, Range said, "More than any city I've
ever been in, New Orleans seethes with overt sexuality.” We
think he was trying to tell us he'd had a good time.

When it comes to good times, few of us will ever have the
opportunity offered Irwin Show's hero in the second part of our
excerpt from his new novel, The Top of the Hill (soon to be
published by Delacorte). A beautiful woman induces Michael
to ski with her and make love to her; of course, there's always
à catch to such offers, as Shaw's fearless hero discovers.

A fearless hero of the motion-picture variety is Nick Nolte,
who since his portrayal of а tough ex-Marine in Who'll Stop
the Rain has been pegged as filmdom’s next Robert Mitchum.
We assigned O'Connell Driscoll to track Nolte down in a Holly-
wood studio, with a directive to find out if he is as tough and
intense in real life as he is onscreen. Driscoll’s slightly wacky
account of an afternoon spent with the star, Nick Nolte Hangs
Tough, grittily illustrated by Robert Goldstrom, may not answer
all our questions, but it’s fun to read.

So is Playboy's China Parody, writen, directed and pro-
duced with a wonderfully whimsical hand by Associate Editor
John Blumenthal, If you liked his Russian PLAYBOY two years
ago, you'll love this one. Also а rib tickler, though in a some-
what different vein, is Shel Silverstein's latest poetic contribution
to our pages, titled, simply, Numbers. х

То wrap up the issue, we have our annual Playboy's Pigskin
Preview, by Anson Mount; Back to Campus, our traditional over-
view of styles for the upcoming academic year, photographed
by Stan Shoffer; Grooming Hot Lines (illustrated by Laurie Rubin),
which tells you how to get the most out of a sauna; and, last
(but never least), our September Playmate, Vicki McCorty, who's
an astonishing combination of beauty and brains. Which,
come to think of it, brings us back to where we started. Enjoy!

#2

PLAYBILL

SHAFFER

DRISCOLL,

SILVERSTEIN

SHAW

CHAN, COHEN

LEVY, STEVENSON

PLAYBOY

vol. 26, no. 9—september, 1979 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE
[JEN TTE co S e Hone cM s Ц OPE 3

THEAWORUDIOEPPAYROYC LISI CE A ОЕ 11

DEAR PLAYBOY ........... OR pets 5: Е NM 17

PIAYBOYAFTER HOURS С ET 27

BOOKS E A EEA UC AE A EU 32

€ THEATER E TEE L DTE RIS 34
MUSE O NN а. 44

MOVIES 2 49

COMING ATRACIONS EET O TTE 57

THE PLAYEOYADVISOR TT 59

ташар THEIPLAYBOY FORUM И 65
SOME TOUGH QUESTIONS ABOUT AIRLINE SAFETY—editorial ...... 72

PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: PETE ROSE—candid conversation . . rite

A blunt, sometimes caustic interview with the self-styled best player in baseball.
"Charlie Hustle" talks about stars, managers, his home life, the popularity
of drugs in pro sports and, of course, why he deserves every penny he earns.

ІЕЕ ГОРУНІВЕ асе ТЕ ie ул JAMES McKINLEY 110
Professional arsonists are doing big business these days—they may even have
"burn as you earn” training schools—but Federal task forces аге beginning
to smoke them ovt.

SEX IN AMERICA: NEW ORLEANS—article ....... PETER ROSS RANGE 114
From what we've seen of sex in America, New Orleans may be our most
erotic city. Down there sex, like Louisiana hot sauce, is so spicy it brings
tears to your eyes.

CLAUDIA RECAPTURED—pictorial essay ........ BRUCE WILLIAMSON 118
Ivy Women 7 Since we discovered Claudia Jennings in 1969—and made her Playmate
of the Year for 1970—she has become one of the busiest actresses in
Hollywood. She's also more beautiful than ever.

NICK NOLTE HANGS TOUGH—— personclity ....O'CONNELL DRISCOLL 126
It isn't that Hollywood's latest stone jaw is mentally unbalanced; he just
acis that way to keep everybody else off balance.

GROOMING HOT LINES—modern living .......... WILLIAM WILSON 128
If you think you're getting the most out of your skin- and hair-care products,
[omm Р. 128 wait until you combine them with a pore-opening sauna.

GENERAL OFFICES: PLAYBOY BUILDING, зга NORTH MICHIGAN AVE., CHICAGO, ILLINOIS SOSIY. RETURN POSTAGE MUST ACCOMPANY ALL MANUSCRIPTS. DRAWINGS AND PHOTOGRAPHS SUBMITTED
TF THEY ARE TG DE RETURNED AND NO RESPONSIBILITY CAN BE ASSUMED FOR UNSOLICITED MATERIALS. ALL RIGHTS IN LETTERS SENT TO PLAYEOY WILL BE TREATED AS UNCONDITIONALLY ASSIGNED
FOR PUBLICATION AND COPYRIGHT PURPOSES AND AS SUBJECT TO PLAYBOY S UNRESTRICTED MIGHT TO EDIT AND TO COMMENT EPITORIALLY. CONTENTS COPYRIGHT © Y PLAYBOY. ALL
MENTS RESERVED, PAYDOY AMO АШТ HEAD ZYMGOL ARE MARKS OF PLAYBOY. PECISTERED U.f. PATENT OFFICE, MARCA REGISTRADA. MARQUE DEPOSEE. NOTHING MAY DE m
Of IN PART WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THE PUBLISHER. ANY SIMILARITY BETWEEN THE PEOPLE AND PLACES IN THE FICTION AND SEWIFICTION IN THIS MAGAZINE AND
AMD PLICES 15 PURELY COINCIDENTAL. CREDITS: COVER. TLAYMATE/ MODEL VICK! MCCARTY AND WOMEN OF IVY LEAGUE. DESIGNED BY LEN WILLIS AND TOM STAEOLER,
STAEBLER (1091 AND ANNY FREYTAG (BOTTOM). OTHER PHOTOGRAPHY BY: JAMES ANDANSON / SYCMA, P. 193: SOB BARRETT, P. 3- DAVID BENTLEY,

FT
х2 7
COVER STORY
E We'd dominate the newspaper business if we could do this every day. Fortunately for the

daily press, we can't. How could it compete with our ear-reddening interview with Pete
Rose, our controversial pictorial of lvy League coeds or our visit with brainy and beautiful

> E Playmate Vicki McCarty? But though this cover by Executive Art Director Tom Staebler
Cr УД M "à Ap ond Senior Ar Director Len Willis is appealing, you might not vant а daily Playboy; you

wouldn't have time to savor one issue before the next landed at your door.

BEAUTY AND THE BENCH—playboy’s playmate of the month ....... 134
Vicki McCarty was a brilliant student in college both here and abroad, ond
soon she'll be a lawyer. So where does i! say in the lawbooks thot counsel
can't be gorgeous?

PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor .....................-+++-— 146

THE TOP OF THE HILL—fiction ...... eese o- IRWIN SHAW 148
In the second of a three-part excerpt of a new novel, Michoel finds a cool,
confident woman in a secluded mountain resort who demands that he ski
with her for money—and make love to her for pleasure.

Bayou Sex

BACK TO CAMPUS—attire .......................- DAVID PLATT 151
Before buying o wardrobe for the coming college year, check our onnuol
review of the latest styles for campuswear.

NUMBERS—humor ........... „<... <... -SHEL SILVERSTEIN 156
On a scole of one to ten, this chick was . . . well, let Shel tell you.
GIRLS/WOMEN
OF THE IVY LEAGUE—pictorial essay ....... ..JESSE KORNBLUTH 159 EERE

We waded into the bastions of intellectual feminist thought and by the time
we were finished, everybody's consciousness got raised a little.

OIL: WHO NEEDS IT?—opinion ........... ....RICHARD RHODES 171
2 Why are we brown-nosing the OPEC countries for oil, when there are some
far more dignified (and workable) substitutes?

THE GOLDSMITH'S WIFE—ribald classic .....................-- 175
CITY STICK-ERS—food .... .EMANUEL GREENBERG 177

From shish kabob to shashlik, cooking with skewers can make yo. a master Hired Fires
of the exotic dinner.

PLAYBOY'S PIGSKIN PREVIEW—sports ............ ANSON MOUNT 181
America’s most trusted sports expert lays his reputation on the line once
again with picks for the collegiate grid seoson.

PLAYBOY'S CHINA PARODY—humor .......... JOHN BLUMENTHAL 191

Oh, Tse, can you see a Chinese version of PLAYEOY? You can't? Well, take a
look. In half an hour, you'll be hungry for more.

PLAYBOY FUNNIES—humor ........-0- e n 201 isthic etis:

PLAYBOY'S PIPELINE .
Man & woman, buying new cars, get-rich-quic

PLAYBOY POTPOURRI ...

PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE .
Jogging aids, fashion mixes

IN MEMORIAM .............. Nick Nolte P. 126
pen, tes; RENARD кылы, € 3 а, 42 (з, (ob; HAMRY LANGDON, Prey, LARRY Le LOOM erie тет CAMION MADISON P. 1. AOT, Rieti, КЕК AERD MILLER: Т. I Een NONI

Р, йз: JAMES PITRITRE, P. 162; POMPEO POSAR. F 3а, ты. 482180; DANIEL REST. P. 34; ROBERT SCHILLEN, P. 34: MICHAEL SWEILDS. P. 4; STEVE SILK, P. 16: VERNON L. SWIN, P- 3 TED
REL NUT eis 7 з сї. P. ан, ILLUSTRATION BY вов COLDSTROM, PLAYBOY CLUBS INTEMHATICNAL

PLAYBOY ssh 0035-1478), SEPT.. 1979, VOL, 26, NO. 3: PUBLISHED MONTHLY DY PLAYBOY IN NATIONAL AND REGIONAL EDITIONS, PLAYBOY в.е, этэ н. MICHIGAN AVE, CHEO., пы. E0811. IND
CLASS POSTAGE PAID AT CHGD. ILL. а АТ ADDL. MAILING OFFICES. SUBS м ык M.S., ңа FOR їз ISSUES. POSTMASTER, SEND FORM 1879 YO PLAYBOY, P.O. BOX 2420, BOULDER, COLO. возо.

LET THE SUN SHINE
THROUGH
THE IRISH MIST

There's nothing quite as pleasing as a
little liquid sunshine, that delicious combina-
Hon of one part Irish Mist and three parts
orange juice.

Delightfully imbued with a sparkling
disposition all its own, a touch of liquid sun-
shine brings you the legendary taste of Irish
Mist shimmering through a blush of orange
juice.

And, if truth be known, it's as pleasing
asa rainbow anytime, anyplace, anywhere...
Liquid Sunshine.

IRISH MIST.
THE LEGENDARY SPIRIT.

Imported Irish Mist® Liqueur. 80 Proof. © 1979 Heublein, Inc., Hartford, Conn. U.S.

PLAYBOY

HUGH M. HEFNER
editor and publisher

LEHRMAN associate publisher

ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director
ARTHUR PAUL art director
SHELDON WAX managing editor
GARY COLE photography director
G. BARRY GOLSON executive editor
ЛОМ STAEBLER executive art director

EDITORIAL
JAMES MORGAN editor; FICTION:
N HAIR editor; STAFF: WILLIAM
J. HELMER, GRETCHEN MC NEESE, DAVID STEVENS
senior editors; JAMES R. PETERSEN senior staff
writer; ROBERT E. CARR, WALTER L. LOWE,
BARBARA NELLIS, JOHN REZEK associate editors;
SUSAN MARGOLIS-WINTER assistant new york
editor; KATE NOLAN, J. Е. O'CONNOR, TOM PAS-
SAVANT, ALEXA SEHR (Е D WALKER
assistant editors; SEI А : TOM
OWEN modern living editor; DAVID PLATT

MICHELLE URRY
editor; COPY: ARLENE DOURAS editor; STAN
AMBER assistant editor; JACKIE JOHNSON
BARE LYNN NASH,
‚ MARY ZION Te
1 3 EDITORS: MURRAY
FISHER, NAT HENTOFE, ANSON MOUNT, PETER
KOSS RANGE, KICHARD RHODES, JOHN SACK,
ROBERT SHERRILL, DAVID STANDISH, BRUCE WIL.
LIAMSON (movies); CONSUL EDITOR:
LAURENCE GONZALES

WEST COAST: LAWRENCE $. DIETZ editor; JOHN
BLUMENTHAL associate editor

Al
киме rors managing director; LEN WILLIS,
CHET SUSKE senior directors; BOB POST, SKI
WILLIAMSON associate directors; BRUCE HANSEN,
THEO KOUVATSOS, JOSEPH PACZEK assistant
directors; BETR KASIK senior art assistant;
PEARL MIURA, JOYCE PEKALA art assistants;
SUSAN MOLMSTKOM traffic coordinator; BAR
BARA HOFFMAN administrative assistant

PHOTOGRAPHY
MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast edilor; JEFF
COHEN, JANICE MOSES associate editor's; HOLLIS
WAYNE new york editor; RICARD PEGLUY,
POMPEO posik staff photographers; JAMES
LARSON photo manager; MLL ARSENAULT, DON

LIP DIXON, ARNY

, DWIGHT HOOKER,
X. SCOTT HOOPER, RICHARD IZUI, KEN MARCUS
contributing photographers; FATTY BEAUDET.
assistant editor; ALLEN BURRY (London), JEAN
PIERRE HOLLEY (Paris), LUISA STEWART (Rome)
correspondents; JAMES warn color lab super-
visor; ковекг CHLIUS administrative editor

PRODUCTION
JOHN MASTRO director; ALLEN VARGO man-
"ECT; ELEANORE WAGNER, MARIA MANDIS,
JODY росто, RICHARD QUARTATOLI assistants

READER SERVICE
JANE COWEN SCHOEN manager

LATION
ALVIN WIEMOLD sieb-

CIRCI
RICHARD SMITH. director;
scription manager

ADVERTISING
HENKY зу. MARKS director

ADMINISTRATIVE
MICHAEL LAURENCE business manager: PATRICIA
PAPANGELIS administrative editor; PAULETTI
GAUDET vighis & permissions manager; Mik-
DRED ZIMMERMAN administrative assistant

PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC.
DERICK J. DANIELS president

амата

He knows where to wear his diamonds.

Your jeweler can show you other exciting trends in men’s diamonds starting at about $300. The piece shown (enlarged for detail) is available for about
$350.00. Prices may change substantially due to differences in diamond quality and market conditions. A diamond is forever. De Beers

: (OY 1
ga

oy?
: EON

It also holds the worlds finest whisky.

Crown Royal from Seagram. Diamonds from Harry Winston, Inc.

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THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY

in which we offer an insider's look at what's doing and who's doing it

MONIQUE—FANTASTIQUE!

Monique St. Pierre beams at left during her Play-
mate of the Year party at Chicago's Playboy Man-
sion, where host Bill Cosby broke everyone up.
Below, Monique plants one on former Bronco star
Bobby Anderson at a second party in Denver.

July 1977 Playmate Sondra Theodore and Monique
watch as Hef exercises his considerable pinball
skill on Bally's Playboy machine, which has rapidly
turned into one of Bally's all-time best sellers. All
machines were quickly sold, here and abroad.

DT i

MOSES FINDS CANDY, MOBY DOES SHTICK

At left, 25th-anniversary Playmate Candy Loving gets acquainted
with veteran actor Charlton Heston, with whom she appeared on
WTTG-TV's Panorama show in Washington, D.C. Below, San
Diego Sea World's killer whale Shamu gives her a big wet one.

SEA WORLD

HEERRRE'S HEF!
Hef has guest host Bill Cosby out
: of his seat on The Tonight Show,
as Orson Bean and Diahann Car-
roll look on. Below is the box
score for our phenomenally suc-
cessful 25th-anniversary special
on ABC: 22.4 percent of all homes
with tele ns, and 39 percent
of all homes watching television,
tuned in to it. That's 36,670,000
people who were reminded of
Playboy's impact over 25 years.

еа Shirley
Three's Company

‘Strangers’ [S]

Este Network Stars [S]
Payboy 25th Anniversary [S]
Happy Days

Ted

моха Mindy

СТЯ

Barnaby Jones [R]

THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY

GOTHAM, CHICAGO GAGA OVER CASINO 25

Above, LeRoy Neiman and friend try their luck at blackjack, dur-
ing the Casino 25 night at the New York Playboy Club. The eve-
ning, benefiting the New York chapter of the Multiple Sclerosis
Society, also drew former mayor John Lindsay and his wife, Mary
(below). At left, Bahamas Bunnies Lim and Terry display $2000
necklace, designed by Lester Lampert for Chicago's Casino 25.

Rich Taste-Low Tar

WORLD OF PLAYEOY
PLAYMATE UPDATE

SEMI-TOUGH, TOTALLY PRETTY

Playmate Pamela Jean Bryant is shown at left as she was seen in
our pages in April 1978. Below, she's on the set of Semi-Tough, a
pilot production for ABC-TV to be seen this fall. The show is based
on Dan Jenkins' story (you read it first in our September 1972 issue)
about the rough-and-ready misadventures of a pro-football team.

BRIDGETT GOES BIG BOX OFFICE
Bridgett Rollins (below), our Miss May 1975, is setting out on a theatrical career in я \ -
Texas City, Texas. Her debut performance is in the College of the Mainland Com-
munity Theater's production of The Line-Up, a comedy about the backstage tensions
of Tonight Show quests as they wait to appear on the show. Bridgett plays the
show's girl Friday, who falls in love with a comic getting his first shot on the show.

HOT-AIR HONEY
Susan Lynn Kiger, our January 1977 Play-
mate, drops in on a Kansas City movie-
industry convention to promote her film
H.O.T.S., about a sorority rivalry. The
balloon figures prominently in the movie.

qi

зт. ATO
NU

~~ SIR IR ROBERT ©З

ЕТТУ.

British taste/American price:

The two sides of f Burnett’
White Satin Gin

Of all the gins distilled in America, only Burnett's uses an
imported Coffey still. The same kind of still thats used in Britain. That's
how we keep our taste so British, and our price so American.

PRODUCT OF U.S.A. • DISTILLED LONDON DRY GIN ~ DISTILLED FROM GRAIN - THE SIR ROBERT BURNETT CO.. BALTIMORE, MD. +80 & 86 PROOF.

If you've al-
ways thought a
little car meant a

GOOD NEWS lot of crowding,
you've obviously never
looked into a Volkswagen
Rabbit.

There happens to be
PEOPLE С
Chamberlain can fit
9 » comfortably into the driver's
seat.
With space left over.
AND Because the Rabbit has

even more headroom than a
Rolls-Royce.
As Well as more room for

people and things than
practically every other
ш imported car in its class.

Including every Datsun. Every
Toyota. Every Honda, Mazda, and
Renault.

Not to mention every small Ford
and Chevy.

And, of course, what's all the more
impressive about the room you get in

so much room in a Rab-

a Rabbit is that it comes surrounded
by the Rabbit itself. The car that,
occording to Car and Driver Maga-
zine, "... does more useful and re-
warding things than any other small
car in the world...”

So how can you go wrong?

With the Rabbit you not only get
the comfort of driving the most
copied car in America.

You also get the comfort of driving
avery comfortable car.

Because it may lock like a Rabbit on
the outside.

But its a RADbit on the inside.

DEAR PLAYBOY

ADDRESS DEAR PLAYBOY
PLAYBOY BUILDING
919 N. MICHIGAN AVE,
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611

STEVE'S SHOES
Just finished reading Gruel Shoes, by

wild and crazy Steve Martin, in your
June issue. The excerpts from his new
book show his talents go beyond those of
comedi. ind author. He's an all-
round funnyman whose humor just won't
quit, He's truly the comedian of this gen-
cration, Thank you for sharing this
entertaining performer's work with us
through your magazine.

Randy L. Schlosser

Belle Vernon, Pennsylvania

actor

We at the Free Turds Movement are
appalled and outraged at Steve Martin's
callous, not to say asinine, treatment of
the Turdish people in his recent article.
How could Martin write about the
"T'urds and fail to mention the desperate
struggle for freedom and fundamental
rights being waged between the immoral
people of Lower Turdsmania (the loose
Turds) and the high-moral-fiber people
of Upper Turdsmania (the firm Turds)?

Whereas heretofore we had confined
our activities іп Western countries to
making Hyde Parklike speeches wherever
people would listen, we have obviously
n too Јах. "Off the stools and into the
s" is our battle cry. Beware! "The
Great Purge is coming!

Craig Bradley

Pretender to the Throne
Free Turds Movement
Chapel Hill, North Carolina

SILVER BASH BOFFO

Congratulations on y and
entertaining television production ої
Playboy's 25th-anniversary special (May
seventh, ABC-TV). Not only was it a re-
freshing review for those of us familiar
with the Playboy empire but it
served as an accurate portrayal of what
PLAYBOY is all about.

Having been born and raised in the
“dreaded” Bible Belt 1 am as aware

the d

so

as anyone else of the misconceptions
about rLaysoy. However, via the medi.
um of television, you were able to convey
the spirit of frecdom rrAvnoy has always
symbolized, along with its numerous cul-
tural and artistic contributions. Bravo!
R. Michael Crabtree
Paragould, Arkansas

I just watched the enjoyable produc
tion of the 25th anniversary of PLAYBOY
on TV; and 1 have to give Hef credit
Any man who started with a $600 invest
ment and now has a $200,000,000 busi
ness has got to have brains.

Just one thing—Hef can't sing, as he
demonstrated by warbling through
Thank Heaven for Little Girls. Even our
dogs howled.

Robert Nicole

Oakdale, Connecticut

Are you sure those weren't howls of
pleasure from your canine critics?

MONIQUE AND MORE

Your current Playmate of the Year,
Monique St. Pierre, is the most provoca
tive, sensuous, “turn-me-on, spin-me
around, stand-meup chick we've ever
seen.

Billy P. Comerford
Craig D. «Шет
Atlanta, Georgia

Breath-taking! That's my description of
Playmate of the Year Monique St. Pierre,
While viewing her pictorial, 1 felt an
overpowering closeness to this gorgeous
lady. My birth date, November 25, 1953,
is the same as hers and my past experi
ence with Sagittarians has been extreme
ly stimula Sagittarians click! Thank
you, PLAYnoy, for 25 fantastic years, Keep
it up!

Mare D. Helms
Pensacola, Florida

hing is the word that best de
scribes the gown the unique Monique is

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PLAYBOY

18

wearing on the cover of the June issue.
Being a lcg man, it's dynamite to see her
very lovely legs. This is the first time she
is becn scen without cither ski or knee-
high suede boots. Allow me to tell you,
gentlemen, her calves and feet are just
as gorgeous as the rest of this delightful
and very beautiful outdoorsy woman.
Michael E. Fields
Evanston, Illinois

The cover of your June issue with
Monique St. Pierre has got to be the most
beautiful, tasteful, provocative photo-
graph you have ever published. My great-
est congratulations to Monique, costume
Bob Mackie and West Coast
or Marilyn Grabowski

Redwood City, California
In the 16 years I have been reading
rrAYBOY, this is the first time I've dis-
agreed with a Playmate of the Year selec-
tion. When you have the likes of Janis
Schmitt (my personal choice), Максу
Hanson and Gail Stanton around, why
would you make the decision you did?
AIl I can say is, “Recount!”
les R. Benson
set, Peunsyl

ania

Monique St. Pic
mate of the Y
looking lady.
Monique soon.
Keep up the good camerawork, I hope
тлүвоү is around for another 125 years.
Jim Bishop.
Buffalo, New York

с, PLAYBOYS Play-
s a truly fantastic-
I'd like to see morc of

SPICK-AND-SPAN LOUANN
Congratulations to PLAYBOY
photographer Dwight Hooker on the lay-
out of June Playmate Louann Fernald.
Miss Fernald is simply the best ever on.
your pages. I'm sure glad that when she
saw an ad for the 25th-anniversary Play-
mate Hunt, she “decided to give it a try.”
Ty Roberts
New York, New York

No Playmate has ever appealed to me
as much as Louann Fernald does. Her
sical beauty is obvious, but she is
much more than just physically beautiful,
When I read about how concerned she is
about. Florida's ecology, it made me feel
good to find out that there is one pretty
girl in this state who cares about the land
she lives in, not merely about the way
she looks.

Bob СІ
Sunrise, Florida

I agree with what Miss Fernald says
about our environment, but Fm afraid
that pollution is not only on the beaches
of Florida but also in most back yards of
America. If this is any consolation to
Miss „ 1 think that a lot

of us should prevent pollution—starting
at our own homes.
Will Paleczny
int John’s Univer
Collegeville, Minnesota
We agree, Will, and suggest that you
Start by leaving this magazine in a

conspicuous place open to this page. We
can guaranlec any environment would
be improved 100 percent.

The Fernald Entomological Club
wishes to extend its congratulations to
rLAYBoY for the selection of the June
Playmate. As the oldest entomologi
dub in the natioi

extend an honorary membership to Lou-
ann Fer 1 T-shirt, our

memento to Louan the as-
pi ions of the membership of the club.
We have voted her the specimen that we
would most like to collect.
he Fernald Entomological Club
nent of Entomology
y of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
While your aspirations may be more
suited to fleas than to females, it's the
thought that counts. Now, bug off!

After seeing Louann Fernald in Jar
warys Great Playmate Hunt, 1 couldn't

wait to sce her again. Then, when I
picked up the June erAvsov, I was very
pleased to feast my eyes on lovely Lou-
ann again. Now [ can't wait till next
June to see her again—ás Playmate of
the Year.

James Michael
Edwardsville, Illinois

GALLWEY'S GAME

It surprised me to scc in the October
1978 рглувоү the article titled The In-
mer Game of Sex using me and the book
I authored, The Inner Game of Tennis,
as the primary reference. Having ov
come the displeasure at not being con-
sulted about the piece or the use of the
words The Inne ame, I would like
to comment on the article.

Most Americans are still reacting
one way or another to the Puritan-ethic
nce is
gained only by а kind of grim and de-
liberate "trying hard" to achieve. Playing
3s thought to be unproduct
My experience teaching tennis, golf

notion that excellence of performa

shows the opposite is true.
When the mi d is in a state of relaxed
concentrati tentive and ab-
sorbed in its immediate experience—
both pleasure and quality of performance
Most

are enhanced — simultancously.
would-be achievers (buyers of the ethic)
are so worried about resulis and about

bc sured by their performance
n't enjoy themselves or get

ighest

they
trated enough to reach the
levels of achievement.

Pleasure seekers, on the other hand,
usually associate fun with not having to
concentrate, As a result, their pleasure
is usually shallow. Deep pleasure comes
from deep absorption of attention. When
the mind is deeply interested in the here
and now of its experience, pleasure and
excellence of performance go hand in
hand.

псе is the only true teacher.
Experience is the only source of truc
pleasure. Relaxed concentration uni

the two, transcending the conflict inher-
ent in the Puritan ethi

bu. California

For more information about The In-
ner Game, readers may write to P.O.
Box 4206, Malibu, California 90265.

PLAYING THE PLAYBOY

cc one of our major entertainment
playing pinball machines, I
thought it may be of interest to PLAYBOY
to know some of the statistics my friends
and I have achieved on the Playboy ma-
chine—one of our favorites, by the way!
Tony Merz, now called King Tony by
i pinball mates, almost turned the
machine over twice with a
score of 1,878,570 on May 6, 1979.
urally, it was witnessed by several people

expenses

de of Canada.

MOLSON CANADIAN" Beer. It's beer as beer
I . | should be, with an honest, mellow taste that’s as fresh
as Canada itself. MOLSON CANADIAN. It’s your

Brewed ond bottled

ion followed.
We felt this was worthy of note and
would appreciate any noted scores that
may have surpassed Tony's.

Th fra Rorry McKe
e fragrance MM
If there's a Pinball Hall of Fame,
th ell dressed Romy, your boy Tony sounds like a
ew man prime candidate. Consider: Hef's per-
2 z sonal Playboy machine at Mansion West
(see he World of Playboy,” page 11)
1S wearing. is played constantly Ьу some of the most
devoted pinball freaks in Hollywood,

К and the highest competitive score r
Aa corded on it to date is Hef's 1,681,680.
pedi The second highest competitive c
492,700. The highest noncompetitive
score is 1,689,220. However (and this is
where you'll see how good Tony really
is), Hef's machine is specially rigged [or
five balls per game. Tony no doubt
earned his score on the standard Playboy
machine, which is a three-ball-per-game
model. We're fortunate to have a three-
ball Playboy machine in our editorial
office, and our champion player's high
score is a mere 874,000. As Tony knows,
it’s all a matter of gelling a heck of а
score on the first ball and then getting
those free balls. We think somebody
ought to buy Tony a drink,

PLAYBOY

CLASS IN GLASS

No doubt, J. Frederick Smith has re-
ceived all duc congratulations for his
superb pictorial on Debra Jo Fondren
(rLaysoy, April). I could not think of a
better way to compliment him t
to interpret one of thosc finc shots in my
medium—borosilicate glass. Here, then, is

Pierre Cardin Mans Cologne iss attempt to capture the grace

and passion of an exceptional woman
Robert A. Mick:
Gulfport, Florid

COCKY IN CLEVELAND
Robert Scheer's June interview with
our mayor, Dennis Kucinich, leaves some-
Accessories courtesy c Tay B Co. thing to be desired—the other side of the

There's nothing you cant
wear with FRYE boots

At the office. At night. At leisure. This year, it will be hard to find a place where you won't
finda man in Fı Á
medal

have a complete new line of boots for women, too. Even though our styles may change over the
years, our quality and craftsmanship will always remain the same.

The best.

For free color brochures of Frye boots. belts and handbags write to us. John A Frye Shoe Co., Dept A-9, Marlborough, Mass. 01752. CLASSIC QUALITY SINCE 1663.

ANOTHER

PLAYBOY

LEGEND
IS BORN

»- й
Holland Import

439 Раз. Net
NET WEIGHT 11202. TOBACCO
peme а

Flying Dutchman presents
the captivating taste of
Dutch Black. This perfect
mix of individually blended
Virginia and Burley creates
a pipe tobacco destined

to become a legend!

Taste the smooth, aromatic
richness of Dutch Black,
the tobacco that smokes
light all day and all night.
Dutch Black—

another legend is born.

Imported
from
Holland

22

story. At least now he's good for some-
thing—a room deodorizer; he really came
off smelling like a rose.

L. R. Rosenblad
Cleveland, Ohio

Cleveland has long been the target for
many a comedian's joke telling. And now
a Playboy Interview with its mayor, Den-
nis Kucinich—and a good one, at that,
Unbelievable! May the holy waters of
Lake Erie bathe you with applause.

Ronald G. Johnston
Marietta

It disheartens me greatly to think that

ayor Kucinich is viewed unfavorably

Tt is the rare
n who has both the

in Cleveland politi
modern-day pol

courage and the decency to placate per-
sonal aspirations (monetary gains and re-
election hopes) in order to stille the gross
inequities handed out by America’s "cor-
porate power
phies were put
each cit

to practice properly,
in this country could be
in the best sensc of the
word. In turn, it fulfills the ideal proph-
есу of democratic theory that the people
can be genuinely involved in a deci
making process when deteri
policy. If we consider Кис
little bastard," then so, too, were the
framers of our Constitution.

Bradley Mic

Beverly Hills,

California

What bothers me is the di
that Kucinich is тесе
amount of unde:

‘Appearances on the Tomorrow show, and
now in the pages of rLaynoy, make him

metropolis. The truth of the matter is
that he hasn't done anything of impor-
tance in Cleveland His
administration has alienated an already
fragmented city. And, what's worse, he
Шу chased job-cre: g busi-
nesses from a city that despi needs
all the help it can get.

Mark H. Rosner

Lansing, Michigan
Your interview with Cleveland's mayor,
Dennis Kui

the myth
ricken, you
fail to indicate that he is dr
$50,000-per-year salary (one of the highest
in the nation); he is
abundance of “perks”;
he is filling the governmental positions of
Cleveland as fast as possible with a group.
of incompetent, arrogant, foolish and
hapless adolescents unable to compre
hend the needs of a big city; and, worst
of all, he is playing off one ethnic group
t another, one section of Cleveland
d openly boasting how
he’s screwing the suburbs even though a

majority of Cleveland workers, who pay
ity taxes for the honor of working there,
live in the suburbs.

James Brescoll
Lisle, Illinois

ON THE MONEY

I would like to congratulate you on
the superb pre-season prediction in your
September 1978 issue of the University
as the number-one football
team in the nation. Roll, Tide, roll!

Robert E. Dreher, Jr.
Birmingham, Alabama

Thanks, Bob. Anson Mount’s presea-
son picks of the top ten teams included
six of the teams voled in, postscason,
by the A.P. Writers Poll. Of the other
four, Mount had Glemson's and Notre
Dame's won-lost records right within one
game, Houston as a possible break-
through team and Southern Gal—well, a
lot of people were fooled by the Trojans.
All in all, not bad for predictions made
early the preceding summer. You'll find
Mounts predictions for lhe coming sea-
son elsewhere in this issue.

OIL'S WELL IN ARABIA

I do believe you people are seriously
spreading the rrAvsov idcology all over
the world. You see, I am a construction
nly working in Saudi
booze, sensuously free
п and PLAYBOY are banned, due to
All our rrAyaoYs
nto thc country,
which is ng. indeed.

As you can see from the enclosed pic
ture, your efforts have managed to get

the PLAYBOY it into the Arabic lan-
guage. I commend you and encourage
you to keep up the good work.
Patrick M. F.
Dhal
It is a start, Patrick. Unfortunate ly,
when we translated the sign, it came out
BUILDING AREA—IT I5 FORBIDDEN TO ENTER,
with the Rabbit symbol translating as
ко. Perhaps when gas hits $1.50 a gallon,
they'll change it to MAYBE.

Jim Beam Executive,
Gray Cherub, introduced
in 1958 for 520.,

current value $400*

AN EXCITING NEW SERIES OF CERAMIC DE-
CANTERS. Introducing LeRoy Neiman
Sports Commemoratives; strictly limited
edition collectors’ ceramics that feature
colorful prints of original artwork by
America's foremost sports artist, LeRoy
Neiman. Like the original Jim Beam,
Commonwealth, and Wild Turkey ceram-
ics, LeRoy Neiman Sports Commemor-
atives will be a centerpiece in any
valuable ceramic collection.

THE PERFECT GIFT OF QUALITY, From the in-
side out, everything about LeRoy Neiman.
Sports Commemoratives says classic. It's
a gift you can give with pride. Inside, the
decanter is filled with premium Satin-

Commonwealth Coal
Miner, introduced

in 1975 for 520.,
current value $150*

the most

valuable decanter

of 1979?

wood Blended Whiskey; whiskey as
smooth as its name. Outside, Neiman's
signed commemorative artwork,
painted exclusively for the series, is
framed with valuable platinum. Each
ceramic is also topped off with a

Wild Turkey
Deconter, introduced
in 1971 forsi9.,
current value 5350*

LeRoy Neimon Sports
Commemorotive,
“Football,"introduced
in 1979, suggested

retail price $50.

platinum cap. On the bottom is a

number identifying the decanters’ order
in the series. And each decanter is pack-
aged in a handsome jet-black gift box.
THE COLLECTION. The very first ceramic

available in the 1979 series was "Bas-
ketball^ It was followed by "Baseball;
(Summer '79) and now "Football" (Fall

779). This is the first series in the LeRoy
Neiman Sports Commemoratives collec-
tion. Look for them at fine liquor stores.
But don't forget, they will be offered in

strictly limited editions; with no reissue.
So act quickly to get the first series; a
chance like this comes only once.

*As noted in Antique Troder Weekly, March 28, 1979.

LeRoy Neiman Sports Commemoratives. Classics In Their Own Time.

SATINWOOD? BLENDED WHISKEY, 86 PROOF, 70% GRAIN NEUTRAL SPIRITS, SATIN WOOD DISTILLING CO., LAWRENCEBURG, КҮ. © 1979

with a highway mileage of 28 mpg. Remember the circled
EPA estimate is for comparison; your mileage may vary
depending on speed, weather, and trip length. California
figures are lower, and your actual highway mileage will prob-
ably be lower than the highway estimate.

TR75 list of sports car features will warm any purist’s
heart: MacPherson struts. . . rack and pinion steering. . . front
disc brakes. . .and wide steel-belted radials. Refinement of
the TR7 has led to numerous changes, from a modified
cooling system to a new Triumph emblem. Triumph engineers
even developed a unique front bumper for the convertible
which helps filter out harmonic vibrations.

The interior of the TR7 is designed around the serious

The new TR7 convertible —the first new driver, and is at once both functional and comfort-‏ دد ڪي
e 3) production convertible іп a decade. Modern able. Controls ond instruments have been‏

[^1
TRIUMPH engineering has been skillfully wed to legen- logically and conveniently arranged
р, 7 dary excitement in the newest Triumph, the for easier, more enjoyable

3€“ 187 convertible. cis с;

Its bold wedge shape cheats the wind at every turn.

It handles the open road with competition-proven per-

formance. Response of the 2-liter overhead cam engine is
instantaneous and the 5-speed transmission is precision

itself. For those who prefer not to shift, a N

3-speed automatic is optional (not avail-
able in California).

The EPA estimate with
manual transmission

is (mpg,

O Jaguar Rover Triumph Inc. Leonia, N.J. 07605.
For the name of your nearest Triumph dealer call: 800-447-4700; in Illinois call: 800-322-4400.

Attractive and uncomplicated, TR75 convertible top gives you

unobstructed vision through the 3-piece rear window. Putting

the top up or down is a simple one-person operation.
Now, a true convertible sports car at an affordable

price. From Canley, England, where Triumph

craftsmen have harbored a passion for

the open sports car for over 50

years, comes the new

TR7 convertible.

Benson & Hedges
2 Lights

11 mg "ter" 0.8 mg nicotine
av. per cigarette, by FIC method

as Determined
to Your Health.

PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS

it helps us think. In spring train-
С. Chicago Cubs slugger Bill Buck-
ner explained. that the reason he
concentrates so hard on not striking out
is that he feels “like a boob walking back
to the dugout after fanning.” In report-
ing this, the Peoria, Illinois, Journal Star
ran а story under the headline “ ‘воов
FEELING’ HELPS BUCKNER'S SWIM

THE REAL GONG SHOW

Last scason, many theater lovers voiced
arm at the number of Broadway shows
to disappear from the Great White Way
before having the chance to proye them-
selves. With more than a half-dozen
shows closing within a three-week period,
many Broadway buffs placed the blame
squarely on the shoulders of the often
harsh New York theater critics. Actually,
New York productions have it easy when
compared with their thespian peer group
in Auckland, New Zealand, where criti
cism is closer to the teachings of King
Kong than of Rex Reed, After students at
Auckland University staged a parody of
Polynesian dances, for instance, they were
met by an audience of somewhat critical
Maoris assorted Pacific islanders.
Those local Clive Barneses voiced their
disapproval by attacking the performers
with clubs, chains and iron bars. As a
result, not only did the show not go on
but the cry of “Break a leg" took on dire
overtones. Somebody had better warn Neil
Simon before he makes his vacation plar

SPECTACULAR CRIME

A postman who admitted snatching
eyeglasses [rom 38 young women was put
on three years’ probation by a Croydon,
England, court. It seems the man would
sometimes wear a homemade black face
mask as he crept up behind the unsus-
pecting ladies to grab their specs. He wa
said to have told police, “I didn't mean
to do any harm. I just wanted to get the
glasses off." He had even gone so far as
to enter a house to steal the glasses from

and

the startled woman resident. A psychi
uist said this was clearly an impulsive
fetish that would need up to five years of
treatment. Not to mention an annual eye
checkup.

THE KINDEST CUT

Want a quick and painless way to
straighten your posture, drain your si-
nuses, increase your magnetism (and thus
your powers of attraction), smooth your
wrinkles, settle your personal energy
crisis and much, much more? Get a
haircut.
“First of all, don't call them haircuts.
Irs hair balancing, which I call Aur:
Cuts, and they are perfect every time,”
dmonishes Mercury Yount, a revolu-
tionary stylist with a clip joint in (where
else?) California. "It's one commonplace
of human suffering that everybody,
whether he’s a prince or a pauper, has
suffering in his hair. Your hairs аге
psychic antennae and when they're im-

properly cut, it imbalances you. Aura-
Cuts are fuller and thicker. They move
on a person's head, you do better busi-
ness, you think better. After you get your
һай balanced, everything improves.”

Mercury is a self-styled "Cosmictol-
gist” who wishes he could selfstyle his
own Aura-Cut, since so far nobody does
it better—or at all. A student of Tai Chi,
ikido, yoga, herbology, metaphysics and
“a number of natural lifestyles,” Mercury
discovered hair balancing five years ago
during a sojourn in Guatemala. “The
first time I cut somebody's hair, I saw the
aura of the whole body and head
change.” He cut back to California
tended beauty school and has been
there doing this legally for one year.”

“L can balance hair down to people's
waists or short or curly. I do the haircut
three times—dry, wet, dry—until it’s а
perfect fall. There are no perms, no tints,
no curling irons, nothing artificial. 1 use
two different sizes of scissors—straight
cutting scissors, not thinning shears or
razors—and four different combs to
stretch and pull out the hair. That in
itself is different. Everything I do is
unique, but it all makes perfect common
sense.” Aura-Cuts cost upwards of $35,
which, we assume, includes an ample
supply of Halo Shampoo.

.

Jf You Have to Ask How Much It
Costs, You Can't Afford It. Department:
One of this season's creations by fashion
designer Adolfo has the following in-
structions on its label: "Machine wash
able. Tumble dry. Have maid touch up
if necessary.

E
A recent exchange in the Massachusetts
State Senate got a little out of hand.
While debating а bill to raise the legal
drinking age to 21, onc senator said that
the manner in which the Ways and
/ Means Committee had presented the
proposal was "the greatest circumcision
ever seen in this Senate!" To which

27

PLAYBOY

28

another senator replied, "I guess he
means we've only seen the tip of this bill!”

FUN DATE

Occupational Hazard Department:
Morticians, proctologists and Republican
campaign workers often feel funny on
dates when they make small talk about
their jobs. In New York, attractive young
lawyer Linda Fairstein has also learned
to keep mum when out for a night on
the town, since talking shop seems to
send most potential suitors into shock.
Linda is head of the Manhattan District
Attorneys Sex Crime Unit and she's
found thar, for some odd reason, her
occupation seems to take the wind out of
many a gent’s sails. “When I do finally
tell my dates what I do," she reveals,
“they suddenly become very uncomfort-
able. I guess Гуе missed а few goodnight
kisses that w:

Dealing with sex crimes on a daily
fected Linda's lifestyle in
other ways as well: "I'm much morc care-
ful whom I go out with now than when
I was at Vassar,” she concludes.

°

A recent issue of the Saturday A.M.
magazine section of the Martinsburg,
West Virginia, Evening Journal was de-
voted to the disco craze. A feature on
disco clothes included this: “The tuxedo
look for disco wear has adapted all the
trappings of the menswear tix including
cum on pants. ..." Well, we knew the
look was big in New York, but we hadn't.
realized it had hit West Virginia.

°

A Chicago friend of ours was surprised
when she received her new penitenti
produced license plates in the mail this
year. Included in the envelope was а
hand-scrawled note: "Help!!! I'm being
held a prisoner against my will.”

GOODBYE, MR. CHIPS

When Princeton University ii

when it came to keeping track of books.
“A number of records,” says Cogswell,
“were totally false.”

The 3M Company, Dr. Frankenstein

to Princeton's mechanized monster,
to the rescue and relieved the library

its burden, picking up the tab for all
havoc wrought. Princeton's library is still
trying to pick up the pieces. It's back to
using human librarians and the old
3" х5” filing-card system. “It's exceed-
ingly slow," acknowledges Cogswell, “but
most of the time it's reliable." Who says
ation won't create more jobs for
ens?

CHECKING IN
The cult success of cveryone’s second-
favorite late-night talk show, “America
ight,” was not all host Martin Mull's
doing. Second banana Fred Willard also

inspired peals of laughter. And to prove
his worth, he has gone on to greater things.
Willard is a regular on NBC-TV's “Real
People,” one of the network's few prime-
time survivors, He has also made a movie,
“Americathon,” in release this month.
dnd a film reuniting Willard and Mull

stalled a

$150,000 computer system in its Firestone — i; planned. гілувоу sent free-lancer
Library two years ago, it was thought to David Rensin to catch up with Willard.
be ushering in a new era in library — Rensin reports: “This is one busy guy."

science. The computer, it was announced, — rrAynov: Do you have any regrets about

was the most advanced library computer
the country. The system was designed

the cancellation of America 2Night?

wittakn: I think the show had a lot to
to check out books using light pens in tell the public about hypocrisy. It showed
the same way as some department stores how talk shows are often a sham, with
currently tally up items. In addition, it people on only to push their latest film
was supposed to give instantaneous or book while trying not to make it
formation and circulation patterns on appear that they are. I think our fans

book were onto that to begin with and that's
Unfortunately Гог concerned, why they liked us. But the people who
Princeton's computer whiz wasn't playing didn't care about it—those who would

wi

Ina full set of cogs. According to James
- Cogswell (no relation), the university’
circulation librarian, the computer
"tended to break down a good deal of
the time." As a result, many records “were
either scrambled, garbled or outright
los" In addition, the clever machine
displayed a remarkable imagination

say, "How rude of them not to let Cha
Heston talk'—should have been
ching, They should have been forced
to sit and watch.
praynoy: Has fame spoiled you?
WILLARD: No. Well, it's only spoiled me
by not having enough of it, I'm afraid.
I need тоге. People ask me if I'm both-

ton

ered by the amount of time J have to
spend talking about my shows: America
2Night and Real People. No. It's not
that. It’s the amount of time I have
to spend telling people who 1 am. I
guess I get them at a bad time. They're
in a rush on the way to work and they
just don't want to stop and chat while I
identily myself.

PLaynoy: Have you ever collected unem-
ployment benefits?

WILLARD: Oh, sure. I'm an old hand. I've
come a long way with them. It's like a
success story. I started out back in New
York at $35 a week, Now I'm collecting
5110. That's stick-to-itiveness. A lot of
people would have given up

PLAYBOY: Are you a funny guy?

WILLARD: Inadvertently, a lot of times ГЇЇ
say something meaning it to be straight
and then realize Гус made a double-
tendre, Hey, but since eve
ing, I go with it and say, “Oh, yeah!
PLAYBOY: Do you own any leisure suits?
WILLARD: No. Thats where I draw the
line.

PLAYBOY: What becomes a legend most?
WILLARD: Inaccessibility, not those fur
coats, In fact, I'd like to be inaccessible,
so this will probably be my last interview.
Im going to have a press conference to
make that announcement because you
might as well get some publicity out of
it, too.

rLAYMoY: Do you wear sunglasses to pre-
‘om recognizing you
and it works.
PLAYBOY: Do you like game shows?
WILLARD: I hate them all—ever since my
rance on The Dating
Game. Not only did I not win but the
girl made a definite point of saying, "I
do not want number three.” The two
others, she didn't care.

PLAYBOY: But you scem so cultured.
WILLARD: It’s just a veneer.

PLAYBOY: What's your idea of a fun date?
WILLARD: A fun date is someone who
keeps the conversation on me.

PLAYBOY: What's a fast date:
WILLARD: Usually, a girl who agrees to
go out with me. 1 consider that kinda
fast. Then I lose all respect for her. Also,
if she asks me to go out, I figure the girl
must be lonely and hard up. and that's
it. Forget this loser.

PLavnoy: What attracts women to you?
Your low forehead?

WILLARD: Yes, its furrowed intensity. No.
I think they're trying to find the real me,
but usually by the time they do, they're
disappointed, and by then it's too
late, However, anyone attracted to me, I
find very attractive.

PLAYBOY: Js the rumor that you appeal to
women whose last names have no vowels
true?

WILLARD: Yes.

rrAvmov: Do you wear boxer shorts oi
Jockey shorts?

WILLARD: Hey, wait a minute, I don't

Ёл. Sa

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than big, comfortable cars.
It mayalso be more comfortable.

With 9) estimated mpg/41 highway esti-
mate; Renault Le Car gives you small-car
economy.

Listing at $3,995* — hundreds less than
Rabbit, Fiesta, Datsun 210 or Honda Civic
СУСС Hatchback — it gives you a small small-
car price.

And with front-wheel drive, four-wheel
independent suspension, rack and pinion
steering, and standard Michelin steel-belted
radials, it gives you the best of small-car
handling.

But with Renault Le Car, you also get some-
thing you'd never expect a small car to give
you: comfort.

Car and Driver says that with its torsion-bar
suspension and long wheelbase — the longest in
its class — Le Car's smooth ride “sets a new
standard for small cars”

Le Car has more passenger room for its
length than almost any other car, of any size,

in America.** So you get more front headroom
and legroom than some luxury imported
sedans. Tb say nothing of more front headroom
than a Datsun 210 and more front legroom
than a Honda Civic.

Surrounded by all that room, you ride on
what Car and Driver calls “soft, chairlike
seats” Seats Road & Track also praises as
“probably the best among small cars.”

So if gas prices are driving you to a small,
economical car, don't let them drive you to a
rough-riding, uncomfortable one.

Call toll-free 800-631-1616 for your nearest
Renault Le Car dealer. (In N.J., call toll-free
800-932-0226.) Then, take Le Car for a test
drive. We think you'll be as comfortable with
the car as with its economy.

PIR qp ee
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Renault?

PLAYBOY

30

mind answering some questions, but let's
not get personal, huh?

PLAYBOY: Sorry. Why was Jerry Hubbard
so believable?

WILLARD: I think there's a little of Jerry
everybody. If you let him take over,
it’s very enjoyable. You don't have a
worry in the world. Nothing bothers you.
Its "What, me worry?" and frankly, I
wish I were a litle more like him in
real li
PLAYBOY: If you had one wish we could
help out on, what would it be?

WILLARD: I guess I'd like to be included
in rLAYBOY's Sex im Cinema with my
shirt off between Farrah Fawcett and
lint Eastwood. Come to think of it,
what would be funny is to have Jerry
Hubbard in a coat and tie between Clint
and Jim Brown.

.

Another politician is caught with his
pants down. Toronto's The Globe and
Mail таз this headline over a story
protest to a garbage facility: MAYOR ‘witt
A BODYGUARD"
ENT WARNS,

bout

NEED
RE

FOR TAKING DUMP,

FOLSOM BEDROOM BLUES

What could be tougher on a young
punk than staring at the face of a prison
guard for a month or two? According to
New Brunswick, New Jersey, municipal-
court judge Thomas J. Shamy. it's star
ing at one's parents for the same length
of time. Recently, Judge Shamy began a
unique war on street crime, sentencing
young loiterers to (gasp!) "30 days at
home" instead of 30 days in the slammer.

The judge's new procedure is aimed
at persons between the ages of 18 and
30 who are caught loitering at night on
the streets of New Brunswick. Offenders
are ordered to spend 30 t home
between the hours of nine and six
AM. While some critics may argue that
this home-style remedy is too lenient for
young tough: “If you
were a street kid,” “there
would be no question in your mind that
its more difficult to sit at home, mainly
because of peer pressure.

Peer pressure and visits from your
Uncle Edgar, who has buffalo breath.
Guard! Guard!

D

A Virginia prosecutor had more than
his share of problems recently. Not only
did he have to endure his own bribery
trial but The Washington Post, in cover-
ing that story, also reported that he was
“a genial prosecutor with a knack for
hiring smart young assistants and giving
them head.”

©

From our endangered.species file: We
understand ге bumper stickers in
Southern California that read: WARNING:
1 BRAKE FOR BRIAN WILSON.

here

THE NEW IMPROVED AYATOLLAH

apurloined memo from the public-relations firm that handles
the account for the world’s most offhand religious leader

ell, we've
landed the
Big Tuna this
time, J.R! As
you know, Mor-
gan, Morgan,
Morgan &
Fosdick was ap-
proached secret-
ly last week by
certain. people
representing the
Ayatollah Kho-
meini. They
think that the
Ayatollah has
what you might
call an “imag
problem these
days. Iran's un-
popular enough
due to the oil
problem and
they think that if the Ayatollah’s im-
age is spruced up. things'll get a lot
better. 1 mean, Christ, Jim, the Big А.
doesn't even know Bai a Walters,
hasn't been turned away from Studio.
54 once, and I hear Earl Blackwell
isn't even considering him for the
Worst Dressed List, though he cer-
tainly qualifies. This is going to be a
toughie for M., M., M. & Е., but the
Khomeini people were very impressed
with the way we got Western Int
onal to build that resort on Three
Mile Island and they're practically
open to anything. Гус taken the lib-
erty of jotting down a few notions for
your consideration
1. Doubleday has already expressed
interest in the Ayatollah's memoirs
and has given me a preliminary verbal
guarantee for a major author tour,
Literary Guild main selection, six-
figure advance and a big, 1 mean
B-LG, movie deal. I spoke to Kho-
meini's people about this the other
day and they loved the idea, though
they did have a few reservations about
the title I came up with—Ayatollah
You So—but we can work that out.
In fact, the Doubleday people tell me
they've already made a few prelim-
inary overtures to Paramount and
Pars very excited about the movie.
Confidentially, they'd like to get Burt
Reynolds to play Khomeini, with
Ricardo Montalban as the shah, Jane
Fonda as Kate Millett and Eli Wallach
as Yasir Arafat. They mentioned Tim
Conway and Don Knotts as possibles

for Bazargan but
hadn't made up
their mind yet.

2 To get
enough interest
in the book, we
have to get Kho-
meini into the
columns and gos-
sip rags. W
we do is this:
We send him
over to Studio 54
(with а couple of
TY film crews,
natch) and he
tries to get in
Knowing how he
dresses, he hasn't.
got a pr
The doo
figures hes a
Moonie and tells
him to buzz off and the Ayatollah
gets riled. Meantime, the TV crews
are getting this all down on video
tape for the Late News. The next
day, Khomeini responds by buying
54th Street.

3. Once he's a regular in every gos-
sip column in the country, the next
step is TV exposure. Since it's incum-
bent upon us to preserve the Ay:
tollah’s sense of dignity here, I feel а
guest shot on The Muppet Show
would be a good place to launch him.
Next stop should be a guest hostman-
ship on The Tonight Show. Instead
of a monolog, which would be ques-
tionable for а guy of Khomeini's
stature (though he’s got a hell of a
deadpan), I figure we'll get him to
sing a new song, something real Mos-
lemy that we title (шу idea) Down
with the Shah, Na Na (which, natch,
becomes available as a 45 and climbs
up to numero uno in Billboard in a
matter of days!). Then, to liven things
up a bit, we get Don Rickles on the
show, followed by someone classy like
Dr. Joyce Brothers. We should also be
thinking about a variety special.

"That's about it for now, J.R. Natu-

rally, a heavy merchandising cam-
paign would follow the release of the
movie. In the meantime, I've asked

the Khomeini people to try to tone
down the executions a bit, explaining
that, whatever their reasons, they give
bad press, no matter how you cut them
(pardon the pun). They said they'd
try to work it out. I'll keep you posted.

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PUERTO RICO
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32

en if you abhor baseball, you're going
E: love Paul Hemphill’s really finc
novel Long Gone (Viking). about three
months in the road life of a Class D
Florida baseball team called the Grace-
ville Oilers. As the players travel from
one hick town to another, living in motels
and on hamburgers, you get to know
them remarkably well. The two top
nanas are Stud Cantrell, the aging pitcher
first baseman-manager of the Oilers, and.
Jamie Weeks, innocent young rookie from
Birmingham, Although the two are ob-
vious opposites—Cantrell is a loud, beer-
drinking, hell-raising womanizer and
Weeks has yet to reach first base—they
become good friends as the summer
progresses.

The players’ antics—for example, pass-
ing off a black player as a Venezuelan
recruit (the time is 1956 and the color
line has only recently been broken)—are
s funny, off the wall and colorful as
their women: Stud's girl, Dixie "Hot"
Box; Cissy Bowman, who at first seems
hot to trot with Jamie; Esther Wrenn, a
deacon's daughter; and Selma Myrick
the landlady who wants to give Jamie а
helping hand. Long Gone is, in our book,
a grand slammer.

.

Julian Garvey, Hollywood's hottest
producer and most notorious stud, is
looking for a starlet to top-line his latest
epic, a film loosely based on Marilyn
Monroe's last days, called Tinsel. Ivs a
delicious role, a guaranteed starmaker,
and three women—Ginger, Dixie and
Pig—want it desperately Who will
get it? Will Dixie leave her dentist hus-
band to get back into show business? Will
Ginger give up hibernation at Vail?
Will Pig have a boob job? These are just
a few of the pressing suspense ploys that
fill screenwriter/novelist William Gold-
man’s latest candidate for the best-seller
list, Tinsel (Delacorte). Primarily, the book
is about selling out in Hollywood—an
interesting theme for a writer who, with
this book, scems to be doing just that.
Tinsel is trash: unmitigated, unabashed
trash. It’s clichéridden, sloppy, overly
written, and its characters are as shallow
and superficial as those who populate
your average, run-of-the-mill pulp. Years
Soldman showed promise as a first-
serious novelist. Clearly, he has
given in to the sensibility that gave
Tinseltown its name.

б

The Great Shark Hunt (Summit), Dr. Hunt-
er S. Thompson's new collection of mag:
zine articles (incidentally, the title piece
ppeared in rLavuoy in December 1974),
allows us all once again to figure out
what we think about this guy. There has
been much talk lately that Thompson
lost it a few years back; he hasn't come

Long Gone: No minors batting here.

Hemphill's ode to baseball—
catch it; Goldman, alas,
strikes out with Hollywood.

All that glitters isn't Tinsel.

up with a new book in years, and it seems
that G. В. Trudeau's character Duke has
done a better Dr. Gonzo lately than the
master himself has. But in reading The
Great Shark Hunt, one realizes how large
the gap is between the real Thompson
and his many imitators. It’s casy, after all,
to interject savagery into otherwise benign

prose and at least approximate on the
surface the raw nerve signals that Thomp-
son punches out on his mojo wire. But
this collection underscores the point that
Thompson is working from a dement

no one in his right mind would want to
share. He is a liberal with a broken heart
who couldn't take it anymore. It is that
dementia, however, that makes Thomp
son great; he was the only pioncer in the
late Sixties and сапу Seventies who had
the moral courage and stamina to send
dispatches back from his beleaguered
frontal lobes and make us understand
how weird, finally. things were back then
Not that they're any less weird now: it’

s
just that the grammar has changed. The
Great Shark Hunt serves as one of the
primary documents in the study of Amer-
іса social upheaval; we hope that
Thompson, as he closes that chapter of
our history with this book, will find the
right drugs to help us understand the
Eighties.

.

There is less to Marshall Frady's Billy
Groham (Little, Brown) than meets the
eye. Alas, much, much less. Tt is a fat
book and the subtitle, “A Parable of
American Righteousness,” promises
much. So does the preface in which
Frady solemnly informs the reader of the
agonies he went through to produce this
book. One reads on, anticipating great
truths and devastating insights. What one
gets, instead, is a great cloud of the worst
kind of Southern prose, like yellow
swamp gas, hanging over every page. In
Frady's world, telephones do not ring,
they "clangor." One adjective per sen
tence is never enough; three are barely
sufficient. The result is that Billy Graham
the man is buried under an avalanche of
literary effects and those biographical
elements that do surface are often not
very interesting. Frady, himself the son.
of a Southern preacher, is quite good
about the Christian longings of his coun-
trymen. He is good, too, when at the end
of his epic he deals with Watergate,
which may be the Shakespearean mother
lode of our time. Graham was faithfully
nd perhaps fatally intertwined with
Nixon's downfall and Frady brings that.
story off successfully. But getting there is
hardly worth the effort.

[a ,

A Year or So with Edgar (Harper & Row),
by George V. Higgins, is a novel super-
ficially about a lot of things—friendship,
camaraderie, Washington lawyers, jou
nalists, religion, divorce, drinking, the
Mob, you name it—but, on closer analy
sis, its about nothing in particular
Higgins merely uses Edgar as his mouth-
piece; this could have been more effec-
as nonfiction.

tive

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34

THEATER

's not every night, God knows, that the
I drama critic of. The New York Times
makes his deadline dash up the aisle of
a converted print shop about 830 miles
west of Broadway. Yet it came to pass,
one recent November evening, that Mel
Gussow covered the world premiere of
The Woods, by Wunderkind playwright
David Mamet. Gussow returned to the
Apple bubbling, comparing Mamet to
Pinter and Hemingway— predictably,
perhaps, since Gussow's voice had been
among the loudest acclaiming such earli-
er Mamet works as Sexual Perversity in
Chicago, A Life in the Theater and
American Buffalo. Still, who could pre-
dict that New York would be ringing
with huzzas for a show on the shores of
far-off Lake Michigan?

In fact, who could predict anything
about the explosive Chicago theater scene
these days? Local drama critics, for ex
ample, were far harsher with The Woods
than Gussow was (one saw “the ludicrous
nge of a soap opera"; another chided
Mamet for "coming dangerously close to
a stylistic dead end"). What made th
November evening significant was not
the presence of the august New York
Times (a classic symptom of a Second
City syndrome—“If New York thinks it's
important, it must be") but Chicago's
calm, almost offhand acceptance of ma-
jor theatrical events.

There's an obvious reason: Chicago,
once part of that vast “boondock” where
theatrical excitement was defined as the
arrival of a Broadway road show, has
blossomed in the past few years into a
veritable hotbed of original drama. The
transplants—Dracula, Dancin’ and An-
nie—still pass through the Loop theaters
and still fill them. But the city now has
its own hits to bask in: a half dozen from
Mamet, the Organic Theaters Warp
(which went to Broadway with a splash
and died of woeful underfinancing) and
Bleacher Bums (which went to New York
with no fanfare and extended its run
from two weeks to three months); the
runaway Grease (which made its debut
in a storefront theater on busy Lincoln
Avenue) and, next, Lunching, a hip-sexy
spoof that will head East in the

Chicago may be a Jong ride from
Broadway, but who's counting the miles
these days Certainly not playwright
Mamet. Last September, he locked up his
New York apartment, packed his type
writer and his Obie Award (for Best
New Playwright: 1977) and returned
home to become playwright in residence
of the Goodman Theater, thereby stand-
ing the old equation—local boy makes
good, goes to New York, sends posteard
at Christmas—right on its hoary head.

There is a theatrical community in
Chicago in a way that there is not in

Want to see some
life on the stage?
Check out Chicago.

From the top: Wisdom Bridge's Bagtime,
Victory Gardens' Eden, Apollo's Sexual
Perversity in Chicago, St. Nicholas' Funeral
March for a One-Man Band, Goodman's
Holiday, Organic Theater Company's Warp.

New York," said Mamet by way of ex-
planation. “For, as Eugene Debs said,
when you are competing with each other
Tor food, you can't love each other very
hard, In Chicago, we assume that the
best theater is going to take place in
someone's garage."

At the Goodman, Mamet teamed up
with Gregory Mosher, at the age of 30
one of Chicago's brightest, flashiest direc-
tors, to try setting that venerable institu-
tion back on its feet. Two years ago,
floundering from a combination of
stodgy management and an aging, dimin-
ishing subscription audience, the Good-
man got a nasty shock. The Art Institute
of Chicago, under whose wing the theater
had long flourished, announced that it
was cutting the Goodman loose. That
perked up some drooping eyebrows and
the Chicago Theater Group was formed
to raise the funds necessary to keep the
theater afloat. Previously, Mosher had
been brought in to take up the cudgels
against the brash little North Side the-
ers that had stolen much of the thunder
from the musty old Goodman. Mosher's
first project: Goodman Stage 2, a series
of smaller, more experimental works
Among his first Stage 2 productions:
world premieres of Mamet's A Life in
the Theater and American Buffalo.

So, earlier this past season, just about
the time that C.T.G. was announcing
that it had raised the $2,000,000 plus it
needed, Mosher was scoring consecutive
successes with the first professional pro-
duction of Richard Wright's Native Son
since John Houseman's 1931 original
and a lively musical revamping of 4
Christmas Carol. In March came the
world premiere of John Guare's Bosoms
and Neglect (Guare, who earlier had
premiered Landscape of the Body in
Chicago, talks glowingly of his “Chicago
connection"), which drew raves from the

i including, flown in from New
York for the opening. a certain Mel
Gussow of The New York Times. And
so, to quote Kurt Vonnegut, it goes.

But if the Goodman story is symbolic
of the turnaround in Chicago theater, it
is by no stretch of the imagination the
only, or even the most heart-warming,
one. As of the start of the 1978-1979 sea-
son, there were 45 functioning profes-
sional and semiprofessional companies in
or near Chicago, most of them onetime
shoestring operations that have bloomed
in recent years, many still in the nickels,
dimes and hopes stage. In the space of
two short weeks, the St. Nicholas world-
premiered Ron Whyte's Funeral March
for a One-Man Band to loud critical
applause; Goodman 2 drew raves for its
debut of Elan Garonziks Scenes and
Revelations; North Light Repertory, a
strong Evanston company, undertook

© 1978 A. J. Reynolds Tobacco Co.

^ y A
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PLAYBOY

36

A snapshot
acrapshoot

А cursory examination of the word
"snapshot" gives you an immediate clue to
its meaning.

A shot that's a snap.

But, since easy doesn't always equal ter-
rific, wed like to give you a few pointers,
courtesy of our Fotomat experts, that can
help make your snapshots more interesting.

Then, when you have your pictures
developed at Fotomat (where else?) you'll
be even happier with the results.

Lighting Outside
A bright day with the sun directly overhead
can create harsh shadows under the eyes

and nose of your subject.
An overcast day gives a softer, diffused

Softlight on overcast day.

©1979 Foromat Corp. АЙ rights reserved

light and prevents those shadows. When
there's no overcast, you'll get good results
when sunlight is from the side and low in
the sky (at about a 45°angle to the camera).

Flash Inside

A flashbulb won't
light up Madison
Square Garden — or
anything else much
further than 10 feet
away. Flash is best
for shots 4 to 8 feet
from the camera.
Keep your sub-
ject out a ways from
the background to
avoid throwing deep
shadows. |
Fora softer look,
with a minimum of
shadows, try bounc-
ing your flash. With
adjustable cameras,
detachthe flash unit
andaimat the ceil-
ing. With simple
cameras, you can
hold a small white
cardatan angle to

the flashbulb.

Just right

shouldntbe

Composition
If there are people in your pictures, move in
close. They're normally more interesting
than whats around them.

k Beware of the

Be careful of background elements
interfering with your foreground subject.
Unless you like trees growing out of Uncle
Murray's head.

Choose a strong center of interest.

ickgroun:

Then try putting it,not smack in the
middle, but a bit off center. That's usually
more attractive to the eye.

Action adds a lot of impact, but watch
out for blurring. With an adjustable camera,
you can use a faster shutter speed to stop
action. But with a simple camera, have the
subject move toward you. Or if the move-
ment must be from side to side, pan with
the subject.

Experiment with different camera an-
gles. Up high. Down low. And everywhere
in between. The results may surprise you.
Now, if you're wondering why we ran
this great big ad, full of all this helpful ad-
vice, without once mentioning our state-
of-the-art photofinishing labs, our choice
of studio or glossy borderless prints, our
on-time delivery our friendly Fotomates
and convenient locations, you can stop
wondering.
We just mentioned them.

FOTOMAT 22.

PLAYBOY

38

If it comes from Saronno,
it must be love.

Because Saronno is where the drink of love began.
With Amaretto di Saronno. The original drink of love. There are all kinds
of love in this world. But true love comes only from Saronno.

Amaretto di Saronno: The Original.

Liqueur 36 prof, Imported by Foreign Vintages. Inc., Jericho, New York, © 1978,

WE COULDN'T SAY SCOTCH NOW HAS
THE WORLD'S TRUEST SOUND IF IT
WEREN'T THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH.

Heres the proof...new Scotch" Metafine".
Made with pure metal particles, not just metal oxide,
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of chromium dioxide tapes.

The same dedication to technological perfection
that made Metafine possible is a part of every
Scotch recording tape we make.

SCOTCH RECORDING TAPE, THE TRUTH COMES OUT.

Eve Merriam's The Club; and the posh,
commercial Drury Lane at Water Tower
Place opened Scrambled Feet, a madcap
revue written by two former Northwest
ern University students that had origi
nated at the St. Nicholas, Like a berserk
popcorn machine, the theater scene is
providing so much new material that
Chicago's two daily newspapers are now
using two and even three critics each 10
cover the beat

“The rap on Chicago used 10 be that
there was nowhere to get training," said
Stuart Gordon, whose Cn ‘Theater
having reached its tenth birthday, quali-
granddaddy of the current crop
jf that's true, thank God, because
the best training ther . In New
York, the big question is, Who are you
studying with? You're in great shape if
you get one role a year. Look at our com
pany. Where else could an actor work for
five years straight"

Indeed, the Organic is hard at work on
two fronts. Artistically, it is preparing to
follow its adaptations of Raymond Chan-
dler (The Little Sister) and Henry Field-
ing (Jonathan Wild) with a revival
of Warp, the wacky science-fiction
parody /scrial that once packed houses
for nearly two years. Logistically, the
company made the tricky switch from
ticket-by-ticket to subscription basis
while going about the arduous task of
raising funds to renovate the long.
»doned 450-seat Buckingham Theater
for a new hom

New st in Час, seem to be on
everyone's mind. Recently. three smallish
companies (Travel Light, Pary Produc-
tions and the Performance Community)
squeezed into a onetime chocolate ware
hous ming it the Theater Buildin
A half mile south, the St. Nicholas is feel-
ing the squeeze of success in its small
house and making noises about expanded
quarters. Meanwhile, a few blocks away
on arterial Lincoln Avenue, a pair of
recent University of Illinois grads, Jason
Brett and Stuart Oken,
even greater leap ol faith. Leasing a huge
chunk of nouveau shopping mall, Brett
and Oken created the Apollo Theater,
the city’s newest and a total break with
the traditional wisdom that commercial
theaters flourish only in the Loop or
in the rococo suburban dinner pls
houses. North Side theaters, according to
the book, start with folding chairs and
coffec-can lights and suuggle to work
their way up to indoor-outdoor carpetir
Not so for the Apollo: with its 333 gr
plush seats, carpeted lobby and v
assisted. parking—albeit under the cl
tracks—everything is first cabin in this
auempt to launch а commercial theater
far outside the normal orbit of Not-for-
Profit Land.

"We're counting on the existence of an
audience Гог commercial, but intelligent
theater in Chicago." said Brett—but he
was almost dead wrong. The Apollo's

is wol

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fist production, Albert Innaurato's ac
claimed Gemini, did mere break-even
business, and its follow-up, a locally writ-
ten comedy revue, flopped miserably.
On New Year’s Day, the new theater
was dark and nearly broke. So who
came along to save the Apollo? David
Mamet, who else? Brett, Oken and
former Second City director Sheldon
Patinkin restaged Mamet's Sexual Perver-
sity in Chicago (which, in the incestuous
way of Chicago theater, was born at the
Organic). Heading the revival cast was
Jim Belushi, the maybe-more-talented
brother of John, who went to Lincoln
Avenue by way of Hollywood (an impres-
sive role in a miserable NBC sitcom
called Who's Minding the Kids?), and the
Second City comedy troupe—granddaddy
of Chicago's improvisational theater, still
alive and well in Old Town. To com-
plete the home-grown circle, Belushi was
electrifying as the bullish Bernie Litko,
Sexual Perversity was а smash, the play's
run was extended twice and the Apollo is
back on solid ground.

"Not only is there an audience
Chicago," said St. Nicholas artistic direc-
tor Steven Schachter, “but it's an aware
audience. We learned from our New
Work Ensemble series that they're willing
to come out and see a new play with an
unfamiliar title.” Schachter, who's widely
regarded as one of the country
promising young directors, ought to
know. In addition to artistic successes
(several Mamet premieres, Муке Fu-
neral March, Julian Barry's Siicom, local
debuts of strong plays such as Ashes and
Fifth of July, and solo shows by Geral-
dine Fitzgerald, Viveca Lindlors and a
pre-Broadway run of Lily Tomlin), the
St. Nicholas has also blazed a hopeful
financial trail. In the past year alone, its
advance subscription sales have leaped
from 35 to 70 percent of all seats. As the
Organics Gordon put it, i
scription is a way of sayin e
gonna be around for a while!" And at
that rate, itll be a good long while, as
the Organic and the Far North Side Wis-
dom Bridge (where artistic director Rob-
ert Falls has won high praise for works as
diverse as a post-bellum restaging of
Molière's Tartuffe and the new musical
version of Bagtime, the delightful news-
per soap opera starring Mike Holiday,
ingenuous supermarket bag boy) join
the ranks of subscription houses. These
include the St. Nicholas, the Body Politic,
Victory Gardens—another North Side
theater, where artistic director Dennis
Zacck strives conscientiously to serve not
only Chicago's card-carrying theater
aficionados but also the often-ignored
communities of the black and the handi-
capped, slating ghetto-based plays, print
ing programs in Braille and scheduling
performances in sign language—and the
revitalized Goodman.

Meanwhile, in suburban Lake Forest,
the prestigious Academy Festival Theater

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COOPERAGE

is undergoing its own significant face-lift.
Previously responsible for premieres such
as the Broadway-bound Jason Robards-
Colleen Dewhurst A Moon for the Mis-
begotten, John Guares Landscape of the
Body and last season's debut of a new
‘orinne Jacker play and the local pre-
miere of a Lanford Wilson work, the
Academy has shifted toward a more local,
more community-oriented company. If it
works, it will give Chicago the strong
repertory company it has lacked.

Not that the Chicago theater boom
hasn't produced its duds. The Organic
closed its lirst production of last s
a comedy about the ad biz called
paign, in two weeks. Scrambled Feet saw
its chance for thc futurc dim when bad
business forced an early shuttering. Lin-
coln Avenue's pioneering Body Politic
recently announced that without an in-
fusion of $26,000 to pay off a firedamage
debt, it would have to close. (The money
has been raised and the debt
though the theater still has а substai
deficit.) And everyone—from the tiniest
storefront playhouse to the cavernous
downtown houses—is trying to figure out
how to weatherproof the theater scene
nst another disastrous winter like
that of. 1979, when snowbound theater
buffs stayed home in droves,

One innovative attempt, lunchtime
theater, which presumably attracts office
workers within walking distance, didn't
make it past the first eight weeks, but
those patrons who did follow Lake Shor
Live, a wittily written running soap
opera about life in a rundown condo-
minium, had a lot of fun while it lasted;
and there's been talk of reviving it.

But flops, frets and foldings are as
much a part of a vital theater as cham-
pagne nights, and seldom is heard a dis-
couraging word in Chicago theater these
days. New faces, plays and stages are
popping up from one end of the city to
the other; the newly formed League of
Chicago Theaters—which, uniquely in
the country, unites commercial, nonprol-
it, community, educational, Equity and
non-Equity troupes in a common effort to
build audiences—has budgeted $100,000
to present what it hopes will be the first
annual Chicago Theater Festival in Oc-
tober. The prestigious American Theater
Critics Association chose the Chicago
theater movement as the theme for its
convention held in the Windy City this
past May and gave Claudia Cassidy, dean
of Chicago critics, its Distinguished
cism Award. A highlight of the
ing: premiere of yet another Mamet
work, Lone Canoe, at the Goodm
which, as if to prove nothing's predict-
able in theater in Chicago or elsewhere,
was roundly reviled.

All in all, we'd advise anyone still
clinging to the old canard that every
thing out of New York is Bridgeport to
direct his or her eyes stage west—about
830 miles. —ELIOT WALD

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44

EIN МЕШ О! РЕ Ў
PLEASE: This
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guished OUCH!
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essary, Downright
Painful Product
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go to: 1. Perennial
OUCH! winner Hel-
en Reddy / Reddy.
2. Lou Reed / The
Bells. 3. Ron Wood /
Gimme Some Neck.
4. Sweet / Cut Above
the Rest.

OMO ARIGATO, DYLAN-SAN: In
the liner notes to Bob Dylan at
Budeken (Columbia), Dylan tells us
“they can still hear my heart beating in
Kyoto at the Zen Rock Garden." It's
beating on this album, too. He gave
Japanese audience a fine gift: a para-
digmatic performance, truly the essential
Dylan, the way God intended it. A few
radical retreads and experiments, but
throughout he’s down to the Idea of each
song, each one fresh again, new and

ALBUM TITLE OF THE MONTH:
Life in the Foodchain, by Tonio K. The
music's tasty, too.

LE WAX HOT: What you sec is all you
get. After the lace undies, it’s down to
disco pits—14:15 of tin-tin Can-Can.

PATTI QUAKE: We can't help it
We've done our best to hate Patti Smith,
like all our hip friends do, but wc can't.
Yes, she continues to suffer from Mor-
rison's Syndrome (chief symptoms are
overwrought lyrics and delusions of be-
ing Rimbaud), but she's got what's be-
coming one of the most kickass ballsy
JONI MITCHELL: 1. voices іп rock, and on Wave (Arista), her
Miles Davis / In a Silent new album, her vi n of The Byrds’
Way and Nefertiti. 2 So You Want to Be (A Rock "т Roll
Lambert, Hendricks & Star) is just flat-out great—at the right
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PLAYBOY

48

Talented newcomers are always at a
premium in the what-have-you-scored-
with-lately? music business; Bobby Caldwell
(Clouds) is a young veteran of the trade
who is new to the record-buying public
but has ed his writing.
playing and singing talents into a mon-
ster hit. What You Won't Do for Love.
The rest of the album, which hangs in

the mainstream between nd easy
listening. isn't quite so pow —Come
to Me is an exception—but make no m

take, you're going to hear a lot of Cald-
well in the Eighti

SHORT CUTS

hael Gregory Jackson / Gifts. (Novus):
Avantgarde jazz with solid harmonics and
a friendly tonality, by a guitaristsinger
who's into something different.

Dee Dee igewater / Bad for Me (Elek.
ша): With good production from George
Duke, who also works out on the Yam
cle the erstwhile jazz singer
comes on as а full-throated R&B shouter.

Raydio / Rock On (Arista): The mate
doesn't cut deep, but it is catchy
between the group's solid rhythm and its
enlightened use of phasers and what not,
Raydio can't miss.

Rock ‘n’ Roll High School (Sire): Vocational
rock as taught by The Ramones with
guest lectures by Devo, Chuck Berry, Nick
Lowe and Alice Cooper.

Lenny & Squiggy / Lenny end The Squigtones
blanca): Dion & The Belmonts meet
tin & Lewi:

Thin Lizzy / Black Rose (W:
bore is а bore is a bore.

Narada Michael Walden / Awakening (At-
lantic): Flowery soul tunes with great
spiritual uplift—and some fiery guitar
solos by Carlos Santana.

Rudy Copeland (Fantasy): Larry Wil-
liams got slightly carried away with the
production, but this incred bly soulful
new singer still makes his point, espe
cially when singing about his blindness
("Everybody то me looks like sisters and
brothers”).

Teena Marie / Wild and Peaceful and Rick
James / Bustin’ Out of L Seven (both Gor-
dy): Disco hotshot James, who copro-
duced both, creates some wonderful
grooves; unfortunately, he then beats
most of them nigh unto death.

Journey / Evolution (Columbia): More
like de-evolution. Is there really anyone
out there not loaded on 'Ludes and
vodka who actually likes plodding hard-
rock space shi

Lov Reed / The Bells (Arista): Boo, Lo

Bernie Worrell / All the Woo in the World
ment / Funkade
keyboardist comes to the for
du George Clinton's idea cup con-
tinues tc bubble over.

rner Bros): A

pro-

What sort of teeny-bop.
heartthrob reads PLAYBOY?
Leif Garrett, of course.

EELING AND ROCKING: Teddy Pender-

grass, the hot R&B star, has signed
to play Otis in the upcoming film The
Otis Redding Story. Also in produc
tion is a two-record sound track of
Pendergrass singing Redding. . - . Miek
Jagger returns to the silver screen i
Antonioni’s Suffer or Die, co-starring
Richard Gere and Amy Irving. . . . Firesign
Theatre members are working on
screenplay to be shot in LA; it’s

based on Nick Danger, the character
they created for their albums, and
will be released next year. . . . Paul

Simon has finalized the deal on his film
project. He has written the script (it
semiautobiographical) and the music,
and he's insisting on starring in it.
The movie, still untided, contains 14
songs. . . . Roger Daltrey's new film, pro-
duced by The Who, went into produc
tion in London. Called McVicar, the
movie is based on the true story of
one of Britain's most notorious pub-
lic enemies. Last but not least, rumor
has it that Vernon Presley wants John
Davidson to play Elvis in ап upcoming
movie. That's adding insult to injury.
NEWSBREAKS: The Beatles’ reunion
in court, not onstage
suit
parent company, EMI, cl
label failed to pay them
yalties due from sales of
bums, singles and tapes. The suit
covers the years 1963-1976 and seeks
7,000,000 in damages. . . . Bez Scaggs
n appointed by America's only
rock governor, Jerry Brown, 10 serve on
the California Arts Council. . . . Now
It Can Be Told Department: Marcia
Day, manager for Seals & Crofts and
Maureen McGovern, received а request
from the producers of the Easter 5
telethon for her clients to appear
on the show. Day informed them tl
none of the requested perform
could make it and. suggested. instead.
what she thought was a perfect alter-
native: Danny Deardorff, a young wheel-
chair-bound singer songwriter who
often opens for Seals & Crofts. No

thanks, said the telethon coordinators,
Deardorfl would be too much of a
downer for the 20-hour benefit for
crippled children. Easter Scals officials
are very upset and looking for the
proverbial "responsible party."
Michael Jackson has been set to pl
Charlie Chaplin on Broadway in a
musical about Chaplin's early life,
pected to be ready in early 1981. . . .
Bette Midler, who is said to be se
п The Rose (to be released
dissolved her
longterm parmership with manager
Aaron Russo. Midler is being men-
tioned as a possible costar (with
Christopher Reeve) in the film version of
the Broadway hit On the Twentteth
Century. . . . Question: When is а
record a drug? Answer: According to
Stone Age magazine, a mew record
called Pythagoron works directly on
the brain to alter the listeners con:
sciousness, inducing dreams and deep
sleep. The recording is the creation
of a neurological researcher who pro-
duced electronic sounds that stimulate
and enhance certain brain waves. Now
you'll be able to turn up the volume
on your stereo and turn on legally (it
says here).

RANDOM RUMORS: Frank Zeppe, who
got into trouble with the Anti-Defama-
ue of B'nai B'rith last spring
little ditty titled Jewish Princess,
is preparing another, Gatholic Girls.
Zappa's theory: equal time. . , . Rick
Skler, ABC vice-president of radio pro-
graming, has suggested a link be-
tween the rise of disco and alienated,
lonely divorced and single people who
seek solace in the music. So disco has
become a surro; mily and its fu-
ture is in large cities where single
people congregate. .. . Brooke Shields is

aed to sing backup vocals on the
honest! . . . We
hear that the Beatles’ song Yellow Sub-
marine was named top foreign song of
the past 25 years in Panorama, the
g Polish weekly.

— BARBARA NELLIS

lay

ener the loose are a seasonal phe-
nomenon; every summer brings a
spate of so-called youth movies, along
with other light entertainment to get us
through the dog days. One amiable sleep-
er among the current batch is Breaking
Away, a surprisingly fresh and free-
spirited comedy directed by British-born
Peter Yates, best known for such action
adventure epics as The Deep and Bullitt.
Filmed in and around Bloomington,
from a screenplay by Steve
Tesich, a graduate of Indiana U, Break-
ing Away is a different kind of college
movie—about four townies, |
as cutters, who don't coni
education after high school
є underprivileged outsiders
home town, Dennis Christopher,

ow!
Dennis Quaid, Jackic Earle Haley and

Daniel Stern play the pivotal quartet.
with special emphasis on Christopher as
a romantic dreamer who pretends to be
Itali; passes himself off to a pretty
cocd (Robyn Douglass) as an I
change student, even
belonging to a championship team of
Italian bicycle racers. An event known as
the Little 500 Bicycle Race brings our
hero somewhat to his senses and. brings
Breaking Away to a climax of sort
Yates has taken ап unhackneyed script,
mostly unfami tors (except for Paul
Dooley and Barbara Barrie as Christo-
phers dazed parents) and a пісе easy
sense of truth—aánd has put them all to-
gether in an uncommon little movie t
turns out to be more fun than a pici
б

A relative newcomer to films, and a
promising one, young Christopher is with
us again as a Midwestern boy who dis-
covers surf, sand, sun and Glynnis
O'Connor in California Dreaming. You may
well wonder whether or not director
John Hancock has fallen into a time
warp and emerged back in the Fifties,
when there were loads of movies just like
this (some of them starring Annette Funi.
cello) with titles such as Beach Blanket
Bingo. The world was more innocent
then, But I guess the joys of being young,
beautiful brainless d really
change.

б

As а period picce set іп the Fifties,
Wanda Nevada provides a title role for the
most precocious cl me,
Brooke Shields. Her male co-star, Peter
Fonda, also directed this comic adventure
(he plays a tumblewced gambling man
who wins the kid in a poker game),
and it’s weird. Man and girl take off
toward the Grand Canyon to find a lost
gold mine, with a couple of cold-blooded
killers in pursuit, and their misadven-
tures become part fantasy, part scenic
tour, part showcase for the budding

John Calvin, Tanya Roberts in Dreaming.

On turf or surf,
the young strut their
stuff; introducing
some nubile lasses
for hot summer appetites.

Fonda gambles on Shields in Nevada.

beauty of Brooke. A cameo appearance
by Peter's pa, Henry Fonda, as a grizzled
old prospector, adds a touch of respect-
ability to the enterprise. The main bu:
ness afoot, of course, is a none-too-subtle
sexual guessing game. Dirty old men from
18 to 80 inevitably identify with Fonda
the younger—will he or won't he suc-
cumb to lust for his nubile ward? And
what about the ruthless bank robber
who has vowed he's going to have her?
Watching the remarkable Miss Shields as
a 13-and-a-half-year-old temptress be-

comes almost a test of integrity, separat-
ing the men in the audience from the
child molesters. Yet Brooke's overdone
comchither act is one of her principal
charms. Like all great screen sex symbols,
she plays at being bad so naively that
her sweetness and vulnerability shine
through. Although Wanda Nevada ex-
ploits her shamelessly, Brooke just shrugs
off the film as if she were making another
notch in her gun.

.

Teeny-bopper sexuality is treated with
warmth, truth and irrepressible joie de

jure in Peppermint Sodo, a delectable
nch comedy by femme film maker
Diane kurys. Mlle. Kurys dedicates Soda
"to my sister—who still hasn't returned
my orange sweater, and that homey-
folksy touch sets the film's tone of pi-
quant reminiscence about her g
way back in 1963. Eleonore КІ
Anne, who envies her older sist
jue (Odile Michel), is a un
recognizable schoolgirl—trading
with her friends about the mysteries of
sexual adventuring, panty hose, hard-ons
and white slavers (“They kidnap wl
girls and turn them into dancers”). V
ner of the Prix Louis Delluc. more or less
the French equivalent of a Pulitzer,
Peppermint Soda deserves to repeat its
triumph over here. It sparkles.

.

For pure escapism combined with
splendid effects, Alien has been compared
to every science-fiction epic and surreal
shocker of the past decade. 1 suspect
that's because it has borrowed a little bi
of this and that from numerous other
Well, Alien can't tch the
philosophical depth of 2007, the straight-
forward fun of Star Wars or the mystical
religioso overtones of The Exorcist. But
you are apt to enjoy it, just the same, as
an edge-of-thes monster flick full of
futuristic hardware and а baglul of old
tricks cleverly reused by director Ridley
Scott. (who also worked wonders, a year
or so ago, with a leebly written swash
buckler called The Duellists). Sigourney
Weaver, a strong Jane Fondaish act
whose heroics put the men in the com-

5%

pany to shame, rests her instinct for sur
l aboard a space freighter where
a hideous blob of extraterrestrial matter

grows into quite a problem for Tom
. Yaphet Katto, John Hurt, Ve
ronica Cartwright and other unlucky
crew members. Alien ultimately makes
very little sense, but you'll get your share
of goose flesh.

б

There must be something wrong with
mindless escapism, however, when you
sit in a theater feeling trapped. Beyond
the Poseidon Adventure brings back that
upside-down ocean liner, still foundering

49

PLAYBOY

Walt Garrison, football ond rodeo star.

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after all these years, with Michael Caine,
Sally Field, ‘Telly Savalas, Peter Boyle,
Jack Warden and other unfortunates
aboard, This time around, everyone has
a venal reason for returning to the
stricken ship—Caine and his chums to
loot the purser's office, Savalas and his
band of terrorists to salvage some stolen
plutonium. Producer-director Irwin Allen,
who gave us The Towering Inferno and
The Swarm, apparently spent mere pea-
nuts on the script for Poseidon. In f:
I'm convinced that author Nelson
ding wrote it on a dare in a single after-
noon. Leí's hope the actors were paid
handsomely for having to sink so low
and bail so hard on Allen's ship of fools.
б

Peter Sellers & Peter Sellers іп Тһе
Prisoner of Zenda. That's how the billing
gocs in the latest rehash of Anthony
Hope's classic novel (there have been at
least three previous screen versions, the
best of them in 1937 with Ronald Col-
man) about a captive king-to-be and the
commoner who impersonates him. Under
director Richard Quine, this flatulent
nda is so pulled up with stale jokes
ad sight gags that Sellers often appears
to be impersonating himself in a medley
of unfunny outtakes from dozens of pre-
vious roles. Elke Sommer and Lynne
Frederick (estranged but still Mrs. Sellers
as we go to pres) are both desirable
pawns, but the movie in toto is a royal-
purple pain.

б

Director Paul Mazursky, whose first
love was acting (he had a featured role
Blackboard Jungle back in 1955),
delivers a droll deadpan performance as
computer genius plotting a bank heist
in A Very Big Withdrawal. Terrible title for
a caper movie, seems to me. Eccentric.
But everything about Withdrawal is ec-
centric and disarming. Funny how we
become so conditioned to the cynicism of
modern cinema—or modern сас
s not at all strange to root for rip-off
lists if their targets are in oil, insur-
nce, banking or other such hate-listed
stitutions. Mazursky plays a reluctant
robber, driven into crime and into the
arms of a luscious kook (Leigh Hamil-
ton) by his estranged wife, Doris, whom
we never see. Donald Sutherland and
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fellow thief, Adams as a comely photog-
rapher who unknowingly snaps Suther-
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son top his list of credits), who moves
this unlikely trio on an unlikely schedule
of arrivals and departures between Van-
couver, British Columbia, and the
island of Macao, Withdrawal is witty,
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PLAYBOY

52

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they give as good as they рег. Fair enough.
for a moviegoer seeking low investment,
high return.

.

Richard Condon's novel Winter Kills
may have been a literary conceit but was
not, as 1 remember, an out-and-out spoof
of power plays and treachery in the
family of an assassinated U.S. President.
As adapted by writer-director William
Richert—with Jeff Bridges as the slain
President's younger brother, John Hus-
ton as his tyrannical father, the financial
tycoon—Kills is either a remarkably bad
movie or a deliberately bold, sly and
stylish effort to give the book a hotfoot.
“You know how many times your brother
got laid while he was in office?” bellows
Huston, citing a figure well over 1000.
“And with a schedule like his!" Condon
could have written such dialog, but Hus-
ton's delivery makes it high camp and
Richert's over-all direction conveys many
hints that none of this is meant to be
taken seriously. For no good reason, he
has Bridges flying around the family
estates on horseback like a nouveau V:
entino, and Jefl’s favorite bed partner is
a liberated mystery girl (brightly played
by model Belinda Bauer) who's very noisy
as she reaches orgasm. I found myself
laughing often, then wondering whether
or not I should, then laughing again at
an audacious black comedy in rather slap-
dash disguise as a political melodrama, At
least it made me curious to see what
Richert would do next.

E

A couple of newsreel cameramen, the
women they love, the women they leave,
the big stories they cover, the joys and
heartbreaks of their grueling job are the
elements at work in Newsfron, which
sounds like an old Clark Gable-Spencer
Tracy vehicle of the Thirties. Not at all.
Crowded with actual news footage of
fires and floods, Cold War crises, the
Melbourne Olympics and Nixon's visit to
Australia back in the Fifties, writer-direc-
tor Phillip Noyce’s colorful di
which captivated audiences at both the
Cannes and the New York film festivals
in 1978—is the latest
down under that Australian films are
coming of age. Bill Hunter and Chris
Haywood, as the newsreel team whose
world will be tilted off its axis by the ad-
vent of television and other acts of God,
look more like crew members than movie
stars. That’s one reason they arc so good
in a vibrant, nostalgic, free-spirited little
film that shifts from black and white to
color, from fact to fiction, without paus-
ing for breath. The result is a haunting
moviemovie you cannot pigeonhole or
compare with anything elc. It's an ode
to innocence, and an absolute original.

б

Since his patented brand of soft-core
cornography remains fairly constant,
Russ Meyer's Beneath the Valley of the

evidence from

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Ultravixens defies criticism according to the
standards applied to ordinary movies.
Meyer packages sex and violence (less
violence here than in his past several
films) with tongue in cheek and with his
lickerish eye roaming over a landscape
of monumental bosoms. Francesca t-
ten” Natividad, Anne Marie, June Mack
and Lola Langusta are some of the
cantilevered Ultravixens on display in "a
cinematic smorgasbord of erotic fan-
tasy . . . served up from the lusty table of
Russ Meyer.” I'm quoting his synopsis,
and there's nothing better than a Meyer
synopsis to catch the precise flavor and
cultural thrust of Russ's bawdy bedside
manner. This one concerns Lamar Shedd
(Ken Kerr), a hayseed hero with anal sex
on his mind, in a movie that promises to
come to grips, quote. with “sexually
aggressive females, willing klutzy men,
petroleum jelly, gingham and gossamer,
tax-sheltcred religion, black socks, bed-
room prowess, bunko artists, big-breast
fixation, rearwindow rednecks, thera-
peutic cuckolding, the 60-mile-an-hour
zinger, born-again immersion, unfaithful
girlfriends, limp-wristed dentistry and
le garbage men.” T hat's а large order.
yer serves it piping hot and promises
id of sequel called The Jaws of Vixen.
б

Jeeps, planes, boats, houses and people
are blown to bits from the beginning to
the end of Firepower, producer-director
Michael Winner's nonstop action drama.
about the efforts of the U.S. Govern-
ment—in collaboration with the Mafia—
to Kidnap an clusive billionaire drug
tycoon and bring him back to stand trial.
The specifics of the case are somewhat
vague, but guys like that are always
guilty of plenty, right? James Coburn
plays the former hit man lured out of
retirement for a cool $1,000,000 to track
the well.protected fugitive in such exotic
locales as Curacao and Antigua. Coburn
supposedly works with more style and
finesse than anyone else in his racket, so
it struck me as odd that he finally corn
his quarry by demolishing a huge
sion with a bulldozer while doz
armed guards on horseback
take a coffee break. Oh, well,
seldom allows logic to delay all its care-
fully planned destruction, It’s the kind
of movie in which Sophia Loren, as the
mysterious beauty whose presence is re-
quired on such outings, appears in
se (one basic
low's black) within minutes after her
husband opens up a letter bomb and
goes boom. Moving right along, when
the smoke clears between explosions,
you can see О. J. Simpson on the run,
plus George Grizzard, Anthony Fra
ciosa, Eli Wallach, Vincent Gardenia
and, in bit roles, Victor Mature and
former middleweight slugger Jake La-
Motta, Except for O.J., they all look
tired. Probably thinking that they've

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PLAYBOY

56

done this same movie at least a dozen
times before.
.

Championship bowling seems an un-
likely subject for an onward-and-upward
drama, yet some 60,000,000 U, S. bowlers
may well turn out to welcome Dreamer as
if it were Rocky in the right lane. Tim
Matheson (of Animal House) affably
plays the title role as a Midwestern lad
nicknamed Dreamer who yearns to bowl
in the professional big time for big mon-
though his coach and mentor (Jack
Warden) tells him, “If you want to be
somebody, you gotta choose.” Between
bowling and broads, he means. Dreamer's
distraction is a sassy charmer who doesn’t
nt to take second place to anything; as
portrayed by former model an Blake-
ly, she never has to, for Susan is blessed
with a riveting screen presence that be-
comes Dreamer's major asset. This sim-
plistic success story, directed by Noel
Nosseck, concerns little people living
their little lives in little houses in little
American towns. Aesthe is
more like draft beer than like vintage
champagne, but any benched bowler who
ts to sit out a match at the movies

most assuredly get money's
worth.

FILM CLIPS

The Great Bank Hoax:
viewed here (in our November 1977
issue) Shenanigans. writer directo
Joseph Jacoby's fine, fresh comedy has
undergone several title changes while
fighting its way out of oblivion to be-
come, belatedly, one of 1979's most lik-
able sleepers. Burgess Meredith
the show, as usual, playing a small-town
bank official who positively beams with
the joy of corruption, though there are
also dandy bits by Paul Sand as a shy
amateur embezler and by Michael Mur-
phy as the local preacher who favors
sins of the flesh but wants to be surc he
can afford them.

A Bigger Splash: An established favorite
at film festivals, this biographical docu-
stars British artist David Hockney
as himsell—a gifted, highly successful
painter who needs a little help from his
friends when the boy model he has
loved and lost, and immortalized on can-
vas, decides to split. Producer-direcior-
photographer Jack Hazan creates some
arresting geometry by using the artist's
work as a backdrop for the artist’s life,
though for me the omnisexual cast of
characters (David, Peter, Joe, Celia,
Ossie, Mo, Patrick and Henry, all. play-
ing themselves) soon began to blur. Un-
less you already know Hockney or just
dig the scene, Bigger Splash might seem
roughly equivalent to 1001 nights in a
gay bar, —REVIEWS BY BRUCE WILLIAMSON

Previously re-

steals

igh intensity
H hard-core sex,
anyone? Nobody
does it better than
director Gerard
(Deep Throat)
Damiano, espe-
cially when he
works with porn
s Georgina
Spelvin, doin' it
under his discern-
g eye lor the
first time since
The Devil in Miss
Jones. Their t
work makes
Richer, for Poorer one
of the most intel-
ligent, appealing
erotic movies to be

am

For

Georgina and friend in Richer.

with Howard
Cochrain) and
aboard the Staten
Island Ferry (Ar-
сайа Blue with
ic Edwards) are
ihe erotic high-
lights of Satin Suite.
Otherwise, there is
a lot les sophisti-
cation afoot than
promised by the
plot, which is all
about a power
struggle at the ех.
ccutive level of a
modish magazine
called Eighteen.
Suite provides rou-
ne exhibition.
ism, with Heather

released so far in
1979.

played by |
Clayburgh in
Unmarried Wom-

Connubial copulating,
a Foxy nursery rhyme
and porn’s seven beauties.

Young and Saman-
tha Fox as the
principal climb-
ers, who have to
swallow plenty

an, with Ric
Bolla as her eri
husband, Bobby
Astyr as her new
love. For Richer,
[or Poorer poses
the rhetorical
question Is there
sex alter divorce?
Georgina answers
it through а series
of dr fan-
tasies and new
encounters photo-
graphed in a pro-
vocative style thar
suffers no loss of
heat for being tla
grantly romantic.
Romanticism, in
fact, is the key to
the films suecess—a move
Damiano, away from guilt and sadism.
б

The ЧЧе roles in Chuck Vincent's jolly
played by Jack Wrangler
Fox, both full of exuber-

good for

and Samantha
ance, good humor and sexual sta
a pair of uninhibited young marrieds.
Jack 'n Jills biggest surprise is Wrangler.
Although gay-film bulls know him as a
homosexual superstar, such roles afforded
no reason to suspect him of genuine
acting ability. Here, he performs like the
Steve McQueen of hard-core—equally
virile but at least twice as funny. The
movie's not bad, cither.
e
Making it in a car wash (Kasey Rodgers

Jack's Fox, Eric Edwards fool around.

while vying for
room at tlie top.
.
Samantha, Ka-
sey, Arcadi;
nessa Del Rio
Georgina

(till mo
match for the
comers) are among,
the seven ladies
whose sexual fan-
tasies are played

to the hil in
Bobylon Pink. The
ction is swift, fre-
quent and photo-
graphed with a
touch of inven
tiveness as

someone beh

the camera (ap-
parently a writer-

director working
under the nom de film Henri Pachard)
realized at last that eroticism iu a porn
epic does not increase in direct ratio to
tlie sperm count.

.

Sex Roulette, made by an international
crew on the French Riviera, stars Vanessa
Melville as a compulsive peroxide blonde
who would rather gamble than gambol.
She travels with her uncle, an aging rou
(Jean de Villroy) whose scxual staying
power proves all the old adages about
graybeards with galloping gonads. Uncle
employs a dwarf as а valet, panderer and
amateur pornographer. These two con-
jure up quite a few perverse diversions
before Vanessa discovers there's more than
ya lady can change her аск. л:

x COMING ATTRACTIONS з:

pot Gossip: The comedy team of Monteith
l and Rand, whose recent Broadway run
reaped raves and a goodly share of Holly-
wood offers, has signed to make its screen
debut for Universal with Turtle Diary.
Based on the Russell Hoban novel, the flick
is а comedy-adyenture in which the two
comics play young activists who conspire
to swipe two huge sea turtles from the
New York Aquarium, trek them through
the Hamptons and release them in the
Atlantic. . . . Neil Simon continues to
churn them out. The screen version of
Chapter I], starring Jimmy Coan and
Marsha Mason, will roll soon, as will Seems

E

Monteith Rand

Like Old Times, based on an original
Simon script and starring the comedy
team of Goldie Hown and Chevy Chase.
Meantime, Doc's got another play in
the works, J Ought to Be in Pictures,
which will preem in L.A. in the near
future. Doesn't he ever take a vaca-
tion? ... Tokyo will have its own Disney-
land by 1983, a $300,000,000 project
similar in size and concept to California's
Disneyland. The five major theme areas
of the new park vill be Adventureland,
Fantasyland, Westernland, Tomorrow-
land and World Bazaar.
б

ACTING Lessons: Before taking up where
she left off with Superman, Margot (Lois
Lane) Kidder completed a role in Paul
Mazursky's new film, Willie and Phil, shot
in New York City. Co-starring Ray Sharkey

Kidder

and Michael Ontkeon, it's the story of a
triangular relationship of a woman and
two men. “The truth is I've never been
pushed so hard as an actress,” says Mar-

got. “Mazursky sees through every acting
trick I've got and strips it away. It's like
T've been going through intense analysis,
He's absolutely awesome! It's horrible, I
feel completely naked in front of him.
There is no bullshit. We've all made
asses of ourselves, we've all cried, we've
all been scared. This either will be my
very best performance or we'll find out
that the truth about Margot Kidder is
that she is absolutely boring!”
D

DATELINE NEW YORK: Gloria Gaynor, the
reigning disco queen of America, told
us shell be making her first tour of
Russia in September. “I'm both thrilled
and a bit scared of traveling behind the
iron curtain," she says. "It's so foreign
to me, but I have a large following there
and they play my records everywhere." . . .
We ran into Tammy Grimes at a party for
Monteith and Rand not long ago. She
said one of her next big projects will be
an original teleplay by John Cheever, titled
The Shady Hill Kidnaping, which Joseph
Popp will produce. “It'll be a first for all
three of us,” Tammy told us.

D

THE AGING PROCESS: Ann-Margret will end
her half-year sabbatical a month early in
order to star opposite Bruce Dern in

Ann-Margret

Middie-Age Crazy. Inspired by the hit
country song of the same name, sung by
Jerry Lee Lewis, Middle-Age Crazy is a
comic drama about the apprehensions
and crises faced by an American couple
when the husband turns 40. “I promised
myself I would stay away for the full six
months,” says Ann-Margret, “but this
film is such a challenge I couldn't wait to
start work on it. My part is one of the
best roles for women I've ever read, sort
of a combination of Bobbie Templeton
in Carnal Knowledge and Peggy-Ann
Snow in Magic, plus some qualities I
haven't had the chance to portray before."

D

seaurtmanıa: Well, the old Hollywood
adage "If it works the first time, do it
again” hasn't lost any steam. Since Amer-
ican International's Love at First Bite
has been what they call “boffo at the box

office,” AIP plans to repeat the idea this
fall. The sequel will be called Divorce
Vampire Style (you have to hand it to
these people, they do have a knack for
titles) and most of the participants in the
original will be involved in the sequel,
including writer-producer Bob Kaufman,

Hamilton

plus George Hamilton, Richard Benjamin and
Arte Johnson, and possibly director stan
Dragoti (although, considering recent cir-
cumstances, Stan might be a better choice
for a sequel to Midnight Express). How
about some titles for the next few sequels:
Down to the Sea in Crypts, Garlic and
Old Lace, Your Neck or Mine, The
Good, the Bat and the Ugly, Easy Biter,
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break?
Never mind.
.

ТУ FARE: Actress Diahann Carroll will play
a spinster unable to adjust to her father's
death in Maya Angelev's Sister, Sister, to
be aired by NBC this fall. “I play a wom-
an who is very strict and whose values lie
very close to the community," says Di-
ahann about her role in the made-for-TV
movie. “Her emotional growth has been
stunted, so she can't adjust. I love this
character and I see her as being very con-
temporary.” Carroll also spoke about her
hiatus from acting. “I didn’t work for a

Carroll

while after the death of my husband,”
she says, “but now I'm working very
hard, partly because I want black actors
to be part of the mainstream. If we're
not, we won't have an equal footing in
the industry." — JOHN BLUMENTHAL.

57

What a man serves is often areflection of the man.

Seagram's VO.

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Enjoy our quality in moderation.

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THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR

V need a little help. I know it's fashion.
able these days to hear women complain
about the lack of quality attention from
their men. Well, I'm a man living with
one of those “new” women who is busy
juggling a career, other relationships
and mc, and m not getting cnough at-
tention. How do І get it without whin
ing?—F. H., New York, New York.
Traditional roles have taken such a
beating in the past few years, it’s hard
to figure out who's on first, let alone
who's on top. A lot of what women have
been complaining about in their rela-

tionships with men—the need for more ©

and better communication—goes both
ways. Point out that since you are both
busy people, you've got to make room for
some quality time. Our suggestions: (1)
Sundaymorning specials. Unplug the
phone Saturday night. Devote Sunday
morning to a terrific breakfast, the pa-
pers, good talk and slow sex. (2) Go away
overnight once a month. Lots of hotels
have great weekend deals. (3) Have a
weekly aclivity—karate lessons, jogging,
subscription symphony or theater tick-
els—and do it together like a “date.” (4)
Meet her for lunch once а week—if Jim-
my and Rosalynn can make the time, so
can you. Trust us. Whatever you pick,
she'll be delighted to find out that you'd
like to see more of her. It’s exactly what
women have been asking for all along.
Men, too.

Т. avoid stylus wear, I usually set the
tracking force on a new phono cartridge
at about half that suggested by the man-
ufacturer. Then I increase it as the
needle begins to wcar. Is that a good
practice?—R. P., Los Angeles, California.

We kind of yearn for the days when
you could just tape a quarter to the tonc-
arm and let it go at that. Actually, you're
better off using the maximum stylus
force from the beginning. The wear and
tear from normal tracking is far less
damaging than the jumps or skating
you get from minimalforce tracking,
which tends to widen and distort the
grooves. You're right in assuming the less
friction, the less wear; but without that
friction, there would be no music. Rec-
ords are being recorded at higher and
higher levels, requiring a wellscated
stylus to hit the higher frequencies.
Neither record nor stylus is meant to
last forever. There's just no way to sig-
nificantly increase stylus life, and if you
want to save vinyl, use tape.

Ок Here's the scenario. You meet a
terrificlooking woman who makes smart,
funny conversation. Things progress as

they do and you take her to bed. You
can't believe it, but she's absolutely ter-
rible in bed and she doesn’t seem to
know it. What do you do? Try to fix it?
Tell her you won't be seeing her again?
‘Tell her why? Help! I have found mysclf
in this predicament and it's killing me—
J. R., Los Angeles, California.

First, we suggest that she be securely
bound and gagged in a padded cell and
that you have a supply of tranquilizer
darts handy, in case she gets violent.
Seriously, the simple fact is that when it
comes down to just two, she ain't no bet-
ter or worse than you are in bed. 1] you
want things to change, don't criticize the
way il was. Suggest the way you would
like it to be, And don't necessarily start
the conversation in bed—where you are
most vulnerable to a swift kick or a cut-
ting line. Start it at midday (“Hey, have
you ever tried a wet suit and a feather
boa?"). That way, the excitement and
anticipation can: build for a whole day.
Or, in the event of a turndown, you
have the rest of the day to look for a
new dale.

Having my favorite wine with a meal is
one of my greatest delights. But that
delight turns to horror at some restau-
rants when I find the prices jacked up so
high you'd think the sommelier was on
leave from NASA. I don't mind a rea-
sonable increase, but how do I know
when I'm being ripped off?—S. T., Chi-
cago, Illinois:

If the ink on the label is still wet or
if the bottle has a screw-off cap, we'd
certainly raise an eyebrow от two. But,
frankly, the economics of both the wine

business and the restaurant business
justify most of the seemingly unreason-
able increases. First, a fine restaurant
(we're not discussing a hole-in-the-wall)
will stock a fairly substantial wine cellar,
employ a wine steward or sommelier and
pay rent, upkeep and salary for all that;
whereas your local package store has no
such problems. Second, most restaurants
make only marginal profits on their food
and hope to make up the difference on
the drinks. As a result, a bottle of wine
in a restaurant will cost two lo three
times what it would in a retail store. To
save yourself some anguish, do a little
homework before you go out to cat. Find
out the retail prices of your favorite
vintages and compare them with the
wine list in the restaurant. If the bot-
tle costs more than three times the store
price, we think you're entitled to a mas-
sage with every bottle. Or ask the head-
wailer to live up to his name. Cross
that restaurant off your list.

WI, question has to do with sex, ог,
specifically, premature ejaculation. My
wife and I have recently separated and
are possibly headed for a divorce. Our
sex life had always been great; I knew
how to please her and she would have
an orgasm virtually every time we had
sex. However, just before the separation,
the last two times we had sex were disas-
trous. I was terrified of failing to please
her, and that's exactly what happened.
Both times, I climaxed almost immedi-
ately after inscrtion. Now I'm really
worried; that had never happened be-
fore. We both knew the separation was
coming; we were just waiting for her to
find an apartment but were still having
sex. Now, here's the big problem. AL
though we are separated, we are still
sccing cach other and, from timc to time,
will most assuredly have sex. How can
this premature-cjaculation situation be
prevented from happening again? I read
The Sensuous Man, in which the author
recommends a technique with a patient
sex partner of manipulating and then
squeezing just before ejaculation directly
below the head of the penis. He says to do
that for a few days and that it will help.
In my situation, that would be impos-
ible. My wife probably would not be
interested and I seriously doubt that I
could find anyone dse to help me. I'm
really worried that the next time my wife
and I make it, it will be the same. And
even beyond that, what if I do become
intimate with another woman—how can
it be prevented with her as well? Any
advice?—K. P., Bakersfield, California.
Since you haven't had this problem

59

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previously and it cropped up only prior
to your separation, there’s every chance
that it occurred because of your state of
mind. You admit that you were terrified
that you couldnt please your wife.
There’s a great likelihood that your pre-
malure-ejaculation. problem will disap-
pear once you can learn to control that
fear—if not with your wife, then perhaps
with a future lover. Stop worrying about
pleasing her. Getting divorced means
never having to say you're sorry.

Over the past year, I have had а string
of horrible taxicab rides, both in my
home city ant on business trips. I've had
drivers demand an extra $20 just to take
me from the airport during a snowstorm.
I've had them refuse to drop off my
friends at separate destinations without
charging extra. I've had them take me on
scenic tours without my asking them. Is
there any way to fight back and keep
these turkeys in line?—S. K., Boston,
Massachusetts.

Most cabbies are decent sorts, but
there are some who seem to be audition-
ing for the Robert De Niro part in “Taxi
Driver.” You do have rights in a cab.
You have rented the vehicle and you—
not the driver—are the captain of the
ship. You choose the route, if you desire.
In most cities, it is your prerogative to
drop off your friends wherever you
please. Al the end of the trip, you are
obligated to pay only what shows on the
meter—no more. Tipping is not manda-
tory—although if the driver has been
civil, you should give him at least 50
cents on short hops and 10 to 15 percent
of the bill on trips to the airport. If a
taxi driver hassles you, take his name
and license number (usually, but not
always, on the card next to the meter) or,
better yet, the number of the cab. Re-
port any incident to the local licensing
agency. (In New York, for instance, the
Taxi and Limousine Commission han-
dles complaints. In Chicago, it’s the De-
partment of Consumer Services. A call to
city hall will get you the right agency.)
In cases involving price gouging, they
can get you a refund. They also have the

power to fine and/or ground a driver

for several days. Exercise your rights.

V have been married for ten wonderful
years and have enjoyed many wondrous
sexual experiences. My wife is a fantastic
bed partner and pleases me in every way
but one. I have tried for years to come
via fellatio with no success, much to my
dismay and her feelings of inadequacy.
‘The real mystery is that she gives the
best head I've eyer had. She can deep-
throat and knows all the tricks that
should result in a tremendous orgasm,
and probably would in a normal man.
"That is my concern. Am 1 ever going to
reach orgasm through fellatio?—R. М.,
Zanesville, Ohio.

First of all, we suggest that you relax.
Stop making such a big thing out of your
inability to reach orgasm during fellatio.
Probably, neither your responsiveness
nor your wife's technique is inadequate.
Rather, you may be holding back be-
cause you subconsciously think that
coming in a woman's mouth is somehow
dirty or wrong. (You are absolutely right.
That’s what makes it so much fun.)
There are still a lot of taboos surround-
ing oral sex in our society. You may
simply be trying too hard. Performance
anxiety is the main cause of most sexual
problems. Often, the more one tries, the
less successful he or she really is. Both
you and your wife should try to dispel
any of the nervous tension that might
arise during fellatio. Learn to enjoy the
pleasurable sensations she gives you,
without worrying about the outcome.
Finally, you might try switching to fel-
latio in midstream, interrupting manual
stimulation or intercourse for the coup
de grace.

Sone computer somewhere just found
out about my new job and hefty salary.
As a result, Гуе been deluged with offers
of credit cards. Should I apply for all
of them or just a few? And what's the
best way to use them?—M. P., Camden,
New Jersey.

Some of the stiffer cards make a dandy
emergency windshield scraper. Whatever
you do, don't use them to charge any-
thing—unless it’s absolutely necessary.
That's the quickest way to put a hefty
lien on that hefty new salary of yours.
Seriously, you'll need one of the monthly
billing types for business expenses and
probably an extended-pay card for
household needs. Other than those, it’s
purely a matter of judgment and con-
venience. Remember, though, that you
pay for the use of those cards with in-
terest, and the interest may be higher
the less you charge (this varies from state
to state and from card to card). That
means it’s better to charge a lot on one
card than to spread your charges over
several. There's much less paperwork,
too. Don’t be so flattered by those offers
of credit that you forget it's cold, hard
cash they'll want in the end.

М... that largescreen TV has taken а
firm hold in the market and holograph-
ic TV is still on the drawing boards, I
was wondering if 1 could safely buy one
of the jumbo sets without its becoming
obsolete before it's paid for. Is there
anything else on the horizon I should be
aware of?—R. T., Tucson, Arizona
Absolutely: the new TV season. Are
you sure you want the latest sitcom from
the schlock factory spread over half of
the living-room wall? Other than that,
we'd say go ahead, as long as the set is a
good onc, service is available and the
unit is compatible with any other

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equipment you have such as a video
recorder. (And it is a rush to see yourself
larger than life, “Funny you didn't feel
that big” aside.) Just between us, how-
ever, Sony of Tokyo has a 3-D system in
the development stages. It uses a polariz-
ing screen over the TV screen and a set
of (you guessed it) 3-D specs that could
pump new life into the likes of “Charlie's
Angels.” But that's not going to be in the
showrooms for a while, so you'll have to
make do with two-dimensional women
on the tube for now and fill in with the
3-D models that nature has provided.

ММ... vacationing in Palm Beach
Florida, I had the pleasure of water-ski-
ing with an old high school lover. The
afternoon started out slowly but turned
out to be something beyond my wildest
fantasies. Both of us ski professionally in
competition. We had a friend driving for
us and another photographing the more
exciting moments. Skiing double is a
high in itself, especially when both are
able to slalom, wick and barefoot. But
things started happening. She quickly
cut in front of me and began stroking
my crotch until my penis was about to
rip through my shorts. Kneeling down,
removing my shorts, she placed her moist
lips on my erection and delivered one of
the best head jobs known to mankind.
However, before I climaxed, she turned
around, facing the boat, and pulled
down her sexy litle string bikini. She
demanded that I get her from the rear
(an offer I couldn't refuse). As I reached
orgasm, we both looked up to sec the
other weekend boaters cheering, shoot-
ing flares and congratulating us on the
cginning of a new water sport (what
shall we call it?). Anyway, it's all on film
and available any time I need an instant
replay of that beautiful weekend in
Florida. Do you think that an X-rated
water-ski show would stand a chance?—
U. D., Villa Rica, Georgia.

‘Ahem. This letter has nothing to do
with fashion, food and drink, stereo and
sports cars, dating dilemmas, taste or
etiquette. And, what's worse, you didn't
even enclose the pictures. However, the
editors put it to a vote and decided that
it was provocative, so—what the hell?—
we'll run it. As to your query, we think
that in America, anything is possible
(though we have doubts about some of
the things you describe). You should im-
mediately audition for “The Gong Show.”

g

All reasonable questions—from fash-
ion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars
to dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette—
will be personally ansvered if the writer
includes a stamped, self-addressed en-
velope. Send all letters to The Playboy
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michi-
gan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. The
most provocative, pertinent queries will
be presented on these pages each month.

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THE PLAYBOY FORUM

a continuing dialog on contemporary issues between playboy and its readers

A MODEST PROPOSAL

Since talk of reviving the draft is
becoming commonplace these days, а
thought occurred to me that would solve
two problems at once. Why not make
constructive use of all of the manpower
is now languishing behind bars by
giving convicted criminals a choice of
serving their sentences in uniform?
"There's really very little difference. The
harsh treatment, the deprivation of free-
dom and the totalitarian atmosphere are
traditional in the Service. Lifers could
become career men, thieves could become
supply sergeants, forgers could become
company clerks—there are jobs for every-
one. That way, criminals could get paid
for doing what they were previously pun-
ished for doing. Certainly, murdering
someone while wearing a uniform
doesn't make it any less a crime, nor does
liberating land or equipment in the guise
of freedom. The motivation would be
built in. It would be a perfect match of
als and criminal activities. The
right people would be in the Service, not
those who believe in peace and nonvio-
lence. It would also be historically con-
sistent, since the Colonists’ indentured
servants were all manner of convicted
criminals who were considered undesir-
able in England but worthy enough to
work in the Colonies until they served
their sentences. In any event, we have a
growing prison population and an ap-
parently increasing need for a standing
Army. The solu as simple and
obvious as the principle of supply and
demand.

James Green
Los Angeles, California

FRIENDLY SKIES

Perhaps this letter should be sent to
an aviation publication, but I know they
wouldn't have the nerve to publish it.

The weather had been holding out
really nice in Santa Monica and I had
promised myself the reward of geting
into my airplane one day after work and
departing Santa Monica Municipal Air-
port for a local sunset flight. (Sunset
flights are always a great experience—it's
so nice to leave earthly problems on the
ground.) So there I was, leveled off at
2000 feet, watching the sun drop from
the sky, when a sexual urge started creep-
ing upon me. Wait a minute, I though:
Flying is supposed to be a serious bu
ness, certainly not а time to be thinking
about sex. At any rate, the horniness got
more and more intense as 1 watched that.

big red and hot ball sink into the cold
blue sca. Then, without warning, I had
a most fantastic and. powerful orgasm.
The plane must have been coming un-
glued—or was it me? Well, my altimeter
still read 2000 and level, and that was
reassuring.

With the sun gone, my anxiety turned
to wanquillity and all I could do was

“My anxiety turned to
tranquillity and
all I could do was
grin from ear to ear.”

grin from ear to car. That was a flight to
remember and to share it with you gives
me great pleasure. Happy landings
nta Mon. Private Pilot
Santa Monica, California

DOWN WITH DOMINANT WOMEN

In response to the letter in the March
Playboy Forum "Who's on Top?” |
would like to tell any castrating feminist
that she is like an elephant walk
through a rose garden. One day she is
going to look back and wonder what
happened to her roses. Already we wom-
en have stripped men of their control

and dominance in the social whirl to
the point that we are having to become
the sexual aggressors, and if we go so far
as stripping their assertiveness in bed,
what do we have left?

If we take away their assertiveness,
men will feel assaulted and possibly
inadequate as lovers. That endangers
and diminishes any man. He withdraws,
feeling crippled and resentful, selfish
and vulnerable to the overpowering
dominant woman. She, taking the lead,
wants him to react to the change of roles
and expects something he hasn't been
trained to do—to be weak, submissive
and docile. As the submissive partner,
again, he withdraws. He is then simply
not left with any male guidelines what-
soever. Now that we have sent the joy of
pursuit underground, so also have we
destroyed the joy a man can give.

Initially, let a man take the lead—
let him show his attraction to us, and
we can respond to that attraction. In
time, we can express our assertive role
and, in turn, he will appreciate that, just
as we did in the beginning. We may find
that our political convictions are going
to castrate men to the depths of their
being, so, come on: “Lay off” or, simply,
“Lie back and enjoy i

Adrienne Burnette
Malibu Canyon, Califo

SEXUAL SEMANTICS

That letter about the homosexual im-
plications of football terms (The Playboy
Forum, May) started me thinking about
my own technical jargon. I'm in clec-
tronic data processing and I've discov-
ered something peculiar about the
technical terms of programmers.

Some of the terms strike me as sado-
masochistic, For example, a command
is an operation performed on data (a
date?) The smallest unit of informa-
tion is a byte (bite). And a program

that bombs is a blow.

I mentioned this to a friend who has
a degrec in psychology and who works
with computers. He said that program-
mers were fastidious, picky types with
anaLaggressive personalities. As support,
he cited their use of the scatological term
dump. А computer takes a dump when
it prints out everything on a file.

My girlfriend, who is a keypuncher,
ks programmers are normally sexed.
gly reminded me of the IBM
card-sort operation called match and
merge.
ally, there is COBOL, a computer.

65

PLAYBOY

66

language. COBOL is an acronym for
COmmon Business Oriented Language.
It's pronounced co-ball. Could this be
a thinly veiled reference to a gang bang?
Or, perhaps more appropriately, might
be a diminutive or colloquial expres-
ion for copulation that implies (in
deference to feminists) that the balling
was consensual and the parties equal?
What language are programmers really

speaking?

(Name withheld by request)
Atlanta, Georgia
You certainly gloss over the fact that
your girlfriend is a "keypuncher." What
does that mean?

FREEDOM OF CHOICE

On the morning news I was treated to
a scene in which members of Congress
and some other Government types were
debating whether or not to ban sac-
charin as a possible cancer-causing agent.
One Representative from Texas, sipping
on a diet soft drink and addressing a sac-
charin foe, said, “As a citizen of a free
country, if I want to consume this prod-
uct, who are you to tell me I can't?" If
only our legislator:
ple and logical position toward the pri-
vate use of marijuana, we could write an
end to the 40-odd years of “reefer mad-
ness” that has done more social damage
to this country than has any drug imag-
inable.

(Name withheld by request)
Denver, Colorado

DRUG ECONOMICS

Why is this so hard to understand? You
can't stop the drug traffic unless you re-
move the huge profits. The reward-risk
ratio applies.

How do you remove the profits? Legal-
ize and regulate it. Opposition to legali-
zation comes mainly from those whose
self-interest is best served by its present
contr d status and from moralists
who do not understand economics. I have
absolutely no desire to use any drugs, but
I am adversely affected by the enormous
amount of corruption and of related
crime that the illegal market creates.

F. Allen Resch
Cleveland Heights, Ohio

CRIMINAL ENTERPRISE

Don't anyone try to sell me on the
idea that pot should be legalized. When
I hear my customers say, "Gee, won't it
be nice when it's legal?” I only reply,
“Why? Don't you like doing business
with me?” In the past ten years, I've
made more money dealing dope than at
any other job. Hell, if pot were legalized,
just think how many cool, as well as un-
cool, people would be out of jobs—either
selling the stuff or trying to stop people
from selling it. Even NORML would be
put out of business and PLAYBOY would
lose one of its favorite topics of debate,

True, it would make some people rich,

حح

FORUM NEWSFRONT

what's happening in the sexual and social arenas

FREEDOM OF SPEECH

FORT LAUDERDALE—W hile Florida's
law makes it illegal lo “obstruct or
oppose” a police officer, it does not
apply lo a person who merely cusses
out a cop, according lo a Broward
County court. In the case of a 21-year-old
woman who did just that during her

arrest in connection with a family argu-
ment, the court went оп 10 say: “We
would conclude that when the sole re-
sistance to the police is verbal, whether
obscene, profane, insulting or vulgar, it
comes within the protection of the First
Amendment . . . a fair political com-
ment.” In the decision, the judge laun-
dered the language attributed to the
defendant: “These open profanities
consisted of a series of short Anglo-
Saxon verbs of provocative biological
import which galvanize the personal
pronoun; and other comments suggest-
ing that the police in the past carried
Oedipus complexes into reality and had
commilted other forms of incest. The
record indicates that [the defendant) is
verbally bankrupt and did repeat the
same phrases over and over while she
walked to the squad car.”

BACK TO THE BAR
RICHMOND, VIRGINIA—Living with a
man out of wedlock does not make a
woman morally unfit to be a lawyer, the
Virginia Supreme Court has unanimous-
ly ruled. In effect, the decision grants
Bonnie C. Cord, a 34-year-old attorney
already admitted to the Washington,
D.C., bar, the righi to take the Virginia
bar examination, A state circuit judge

earlier had denied her the necessary
certificate of good moral character be-
cause, he insisted, “A lawyer should be
above reproach, above gossip.” The
state supreme court held otherwise:
"While Cord's living arrangement
might be unorthodox and unacceptable
to some segments of society, this con-
duct bears no rational connection to
her fitness to practice law.”

FUZZ BUSTED

мїлмї—4 judge in Florida's Dade
County has ruled that police radar
units ате not accurate enough to sus-
tain speeding convictions. While the
decision affects only local cases, an at-
torney for the defendants said. the re-
search and. testimony obtained could
lead to similar rulings elsewhere and
might ultimately upset a 25-year prece-
dent of giving radar blanket credibility
in court. During the hearing, experts
established that (he radar units could be
confused by CB-radio transmissions,
automobile air conditioners and even
low-flying aircrajt.

PHYSICIAN, HEAL THYSELF

ANN ARBOR, MICHIGAN—Police report
that a man claiming to be a doctor has
been phoning women in the Ann Arbor
area and telling them their husbands
have venereal disease. He advises the
women to go to the county V.D. clinic
for a checkup or offers to perform the
examination himself at their home. A
few of the women agreed to a home
visit, but the “doctor” didn’t keep his
appointments and is now being sought
on charges of telephone harassment,

COWBOY

MEDFORD, NEW JERSEY—After staking
out a barnyard, police arrested a high
school student who they say was sexual-
ly molesting the cows. The farmer be-
Came suspicious of some “amorous
signs" —milking stools left behind cer-
tain cows on certain nights—and finally
called the cops. Rape tests were con-
ducted and came back positive. The
teenager who walked into their net was
charged with breaking and entering,
pot possession and sodomy. New Jersey
slate senator Joseph Maressa, ап out-
spoken opponent of immorality in all
forms, declared that the incident was
just another indication of our “sick,
promiscuous society” and predicted that
“buggery between humans and sheep,
goats, cows and even horses” would

increase under the state's new criminal
code, which eliminates many sexual of-
fenses, including bestiality. The farmer
was more understanding: “Cows are
certainly lovable animals if you treat
them with kid gloves and you learn
how to control them. They can be either
temperamental or tame, just like a
woman . .. it all depends on whether
you handle them properly.”

ZAPPED BY ZIPPER

ELGIN, 1LINOIsS—Police and paramed-
ics responding 10 an emergency call
didn’t know what to expect, because the
male caller refused to tell the female
radio dispatcher the nature of the prob-
lem. Arriving al the address of the
victim, the rescue squad found that a
35-year-old man, reportedly intoxicated,
had zipped up his pants without re-
membering to first tuck in his penis.
According to the newspaper account,
he was immediately transported to the
hospital, “where a local anesthetic was
painfully applied through a needle and
the problem was corrected.”

MAN VS. MACHINE

PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND—A worker
who slugged a malfunctioning coffee
machine and injured his arm is entitled
to compensation, the Rhode Island
Supreme Court has ruled. The court
held that if an employee “performs a
permitted act in an improper manner,

injurics arising therefrom are compen-
sable. In this case, the employee's
obtaining coffee was not in itself forbid-
den, even though the reflex action of
the employee in striking the machine
was ilLadvised."

ABORTION
WASHINGTON, D.C—An estimated
20,000,000 illegal abortions are per-
formed in the world each year and are

a leading cause of death among women
of childbearing age, according to the
Population Crisis Committee. The study
also found that another 20,000,000 legal
abortions are performed annually, that
both numbers are increasing and that
restrictive laws do not appear to deter
women from seeking abortions. More
than 60 countries (mainly in Asia, Eu-
rope and North America) permit abor-
tion under all or certain conditions;
another 30 permit it only under life-
threatening circumstances; and 15 coun-
tries prohibit the operation altogether.

JAWS

VILLE, WISCONSIN—4 University
of Wisconsin student has been fined
$119 after pleading no contest to a
charge that he bit a woman student on
her posterior. The incident reportedly
occurred in the lounge of the school's
Student Center when the victim pushed
a leg out of her way and its owner put
the bite on her buttocks.

RAPE OR SEDUCTION?

VERO BEACH, FLORIDA—A state legal
officer has been accused of harboring
a disorderly dog that engages in sexual
assault. The complainants, neighbors of
Florida assistant state's attorney Miles
Mank, allege that Mank's English setter,
Duster, trespassed on their property on
a Sunday morning and twice raped their
Belgian sheep dog in violation of a
county ordinance against the "destruc-
lion of property by vicious dogs.” At
first put out at the neighbors’ action (he
was rousted out of bed at two a.m. by
a sheriff's deputy), Mank soon decided
the matter was funny: "I couldn't. get
back to sleep for laughing. What the
hell? I claim Duster was seduced. . . .
Her dog enticed my dog... . I'd be
willing to bet they won't be able to get
his lover lo testify against him.”

BUSTED IN BOSTON

Boston—Robert Randall, the first
glaucoma victim to receive legally pre-
scribed marijuana, was arrested by a
slate narcotics agent after testifying be-
fore the Massachusetts legislature in
favor of a bill that would make pot
available to certain patients. He was re-
leased only after officers called Washing-
ton and confirmed the legality of his
prescription. Randall said later that his
arrest only demonstrates the absurdity
of existing pot laws and added: “1 do
notice one danger im marijuana: It
seems to induce poor judgment in po-
lice officers.”

Meanwhile, the American Medical
News reports that more physicians are
debating among themselves whether or
nol to advise some patients to privately
obtain marijuana that cannot be legally

prescribed. A UCLA psychiatrist noted:
"A sort of bootleg pot-procurement
operation seems to be under way. Nice
old ladies with glaucoma are scoring
from their grandchildren.”

BODY COUNT

WASHINGTON, D.c—By an elaborate
system of calculation, the publisher of
a newsletter claims that there are ap-
proximately 1,300,000 prostitutes in the
U. S—or about one percent of Ameri-
can women, including many housewives
and secretaries who moonlight as hook-
ers. The publication, TAB Report
(‘Monthly News Journal of the Adult
Business World"), serves primarily the
sex and erotica industry.

Earlier, an official of a New York
child-welfare organization addressing a
legal conference in San Diego estimated

that 500,000 boys and girls under the
age of 16 are presently involved in
prostitution. He said that many of
those children were sexually abused at
home and that a “very high percentage
were incest victims at an early age.”

CALIFORNIA STYLE

Using animals for stick-ups may be
the latest fashion in California:

+ In Los Angeles, two men armed
with a cardboard box threatened 10 re-
lease what they said was a rattlesnake
unless a bus driver gave them [ree rides.
They obtained what they wanted and.
were arrested à short time later—still in
possession of a harmless gopher snake.

+ In Newbury Park, a man armed.
with a German shepherd tried to hold
up a gas station by warning the at-
tendant, “This dog is attack. trained.
Hand over the money or I'll order him
to attack you.” According to news ac-
counts, the attendant. punched the dog
in the mouth, breaking one of its teeth.
The dog ran off, as did the holdup man.

67

PLAYBOY

but just guess who. Legalization wouldn't
mean lower prices or increased availabil-
ity (Lord knows, we're selling at the low-
est prices and getting as much as we need
now). But it would destroy the art of
smuggling and illegally dealing in a
more or less harmless substance. Sure I've
been locked up, but that didn’t stop me.
Only legalization can do that. So lets
keep the never-ending chase going, at
least until those of us who have no other
skills have a chance to retire gracefully.

(Name withheld by request)

U. S. Coast Guard

FPO New York, New York

's great to see that old bootlegger

spirit still alive in this jaded age, and we
only hopc it sustains you during amy
longer periods of incarceration.

IN THE BUFF, ON THE BEACH

Nude beaches have become both so
popular and so controversial in the past.
few years that many false ideas are being
spread. As president of the Clothing Op-
tional Society, I feel it’s time to clear up
some of the main misconceptions.

1. People go to nude beaches to get
laid. Horse feathers. Granted that you
will make many friends of both sexes at
a nude beach, but we conduct our sexual
activities in privacy, just like other
people. Sexual advances rarely occur at
nude beaches.

2. Nudists are low life. Bull. . . . Social
nudists take pride in their bodies and
their environment. Visit a Clothing Op-
tional Beach sometime and you'll find
it's much cleaner than a regular beach. In
fact, we try to pick up after the morbid
voyeurs who hang around with their
clothes on.

3. Only people with good bodies go
nude. We social nudists are out to enjoy
the sun and to feel spiritual closeness
with other human beings. We look upon
all people as being created equal. While
size, shape and color may vary, we have
all been issued bodies by the same manu-
facturer. (An incidental benefit is that
nudity prevents displays of wealth: Most
class distinctions are stripped away with
one's clothes and people are judged by
the kind of person they are rather than
by what they wear.)

The Clothing Optional Society is cam-
g to open more legal Clothing
1 Recreation Areas and we
everyone to join this fight for freedom.

Lynn Hensley, President
Clothing Optional Society
Westminster, California

ANOTHER MODEST PROPOSAL

With tremendous amazement, I read
the letter from the Chattanooga cuckoo,
who says that all gays should live in the
same city (The Playboy Forum, Febru-
ary). Although the idea sounds like a lot
of fun, I think we could work it out
otherwise.

Considering that as much as ten per-
cent of the American population has
strong homosexual tendencies, they
should have a whole state. But let's be
fair. You'll need states for blacks, Puerto
Ricans, WASPs, Indians and any other
group that accounts for at least ten per-
cent of the population. Then you'll di
vide cach state into two sections (smoking
and nonsmoking), which sections will be
further divided into dry and wet counties
with legal and illegal potsmoking areas.
The combinations are unlimited.

Federal reservations also should be
created for other special kinds of citizens
such as criminals, doctors and their pa-
tients, lawyers, prostitutes, clergy, bigots,
et al. Then you can rename your country
the Divided States of America.

(Name withheld by request)
Montreal, Quebec

Not 10 disagree, but aren't you good
neighbors to our north also having a few
problems over national unity?

А MESSAGE FOR PRISONERS

A Chicago-based group of civil-
rights lawyers is soliciting information
from prisoners who have experienced
civil-law problems arising from incar-
ceration. "This program will not. pro-
wide assistance with appeals, prison
conditions or matters of criminal law
but will attempt to identity problems
in arcas such as property, leases, di-
vorce, child custody and other civil
matters in which inmates need but
cannot obtai,
help. Letters from prisoners describ-
ing in some detail the kinds of
civil-law problems they face while in-
carcerated will help this group set up
its program and should be mailed to
Concerned Lawyers, 53 West Jackson
Boulevard, Suite 1661, Chicago, Illi-
nois 60604.

YANKEE, STAY HOME

The letter in the March Playboy
Forum from the American tourist who
was hassled in Mexico represents a very
rcal problem. lived and worked
on the Texas-Mexico border for the past

І have

four years and I have seen and heard
many reports of arrests and shakedowns

of U. S. citizens by Mexican authorities.

Before I go any further, let me state.
that the Mexican people are very open
and friendly. In fact, I have found them
to be much friendlier to strangers and
outsiders than most Americans are. There
is something within the Mexican gover
ment, though, that attracts corruption
and allows it to flourish.

Until we have reassurances from the
Mexican government that U. S. citizens
will be accorded respect when visiting
its country, those contemptible events

Mexico is a beautiful country and its

people are truly fine. It's a shame that a
few corrupt officials spoil it all.
Chip G. Younkin
Mission, Texas

Last summer, my wife and I were ac-
cepted into Montemorelos University
Medical School in the town of Monte-
morelos, Mexico. Just before we were
supposed to leave, my wife had a medical
emergency and was unable to travel. 1
decided to take our belongings down and
have my wife fly down at a later date.

Our belongings included some furni-
ture, our personal clothing, some air con-
ditioners, a few other appliances and
about 1000 pieces of clothing donated by
our church for free distribution to the
needy in the area around the school. The
president of our church gave us a nota-
rized statement about the purpose of the
clothes.

Since I was taking electrical appliances,
I checked with the Mexican embassy in
Washington, D.C, about dutics and how
to arrange for them to be paid. I was
told that duties could be arranged at the
border through customs officials there.

Since it was going to be a long ride to
Mexico, my father offered to go along
and help with the driving. We crossed
the border at the Mexican city of Rey-
nosa, where we stopped to declare the
items on which I wanted to pay duty. A
Mexican official took us to an empty
b g and told us we could pay the
duties the following morning. We said
fine, we would go back into town, rent а
motel room and return in the mornit
At that point, the official blocked the
door, placed hand on gun and
said, “You'll be staying here tonight.”

My immediate reaction was one of dis-

belief. All requests to call our family were
denied, as were requests to call the Amer-
ican con

ul. Finally, on the second day,
agreed to release my father,
s taken to jail and left to rot in
a small, filthy, crowded cell. My father
finally secured my release by hi ап
attorney, who dealt with the Mexican
officials and paid S1100.

During the eight terrifying days I was
in custody, I was given statements to
sign, which I refused to do, and then
threatened with life imprisonment for
not signing. To this day, the Mexican
government has not returned my pickup
truck, the rented U-Haul or our personal
possessions.

I guess we're just another set of victims
of the Mexican shakedown pulled off in
the true Mexican style.

James Douglas Clarke
Silver Spring, Maryland

So many Americans behave so foolishly
in foreign countries and then ‘are out-
raged at the treatment they receive that
we're always a bit skeptical of such com-
plaints. But judging from the correspond-
ence we've received from experienced

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PLAYBOY

70

and respectful visitors to Mexico, some-
thing muy malo is going on there. It
seems as if the authorities may be run-
ning out of old-fashioned "heepies" to
hassle and, just out of habit, are now
picking on the turistas, who were once
a protected species. As for the increasing
costs of mordida, otherwise known as
bribery, there is, don't forget, the infla-
tion factor to consider.

THE OTHER SIDE

1 have just learned that the Supreme
Court has ruled that random driver’s-
license checks are unconstitutional. Being
a policeman, this makes my wrists go
limp and my head dizzy. As our criminal-
justice system slowly goes to hell, it seems
unreal to me that the Supreme Court is
now making it even harder for a cop to
do his job.

We don't use license checks to harass
innocent citizens. We use them to stop
suspicious cars and check people we
think might have done something or are
about to do something. Let's face it:
When a person has just committed a
criminal act, he is going to be a Mr.
Perfect behind the wheel. The last thing
he wants is to get stopped by the cops.
He is going to signal every turn and drive
under the speed limit. If the car checks
out (all lights working, license plates and
inspection sticker OK) and the guy
doesn't screw up, he's in the clear, thanks
to nine idiots in Washington.

People often turn their backs or refuse
to open their eyes and see, but thi n't
blind and sooncr or latcr (probably later)
they are going to wake up and sce what
our courts are doing. I shudder to think
of vigilantes roaming the streets, but
unless our lawmakers and courts wake ир
10 the harsh reality that hard crimes
should be responded to with hard punish-
ment, it will eventually come to that.

I am sick and tired of busting my ass
trying to get crooks behind bars just to
have the courts put them back onto the
street. before the jail door is even closed.
It’s up to the people: Either put a little
pressure on the jellyheads who make the
laws and run the courts or be damn
sure the insurance on your car and home
is paid up.

There might be one other way to sleep
secure at night: Take a cop to bed.

William R. Reynolds
Conroe, Texas

The decision referred to is one of the
tare instances in which the present
Supreme Court has strengthened rather
than weakened our basic constitutional
rights; at the same time, we can under-
stand your sense of frustration with our
lawmakers and the criminal-justice sys-
tem. But don’t forget that the movement
toward greater civil rights and liberties
that began in the early Sixties (and ended
with the Nixon era) arose largely in
response to decades of discrimination and
the widespread abuse of police authority.

JERRY MITCHELL FREED

This is to let PLaynoy and its readers
know that my son Jerry has been granted
parole from a Missouri state prison near
Jefferson City after serving 14 months of
his seven-year sentence for the sale of
marijuana. Of course, this comes as
wonderful news to Jerry, his mother and
myself and we would like to share it with
the thousands of people who signed
petitions and with the hundreds more
who wrote to us directly, offering their
sympathy and support. Their letter
helped us greatly. I would particularly
like to thank the Playboy Foundation
and the National Organization for the
Reform of Marijuana Laws for the great

TOM REESE

deal of moral and financial assistance
they provided over the past three years.

While 1 personally oppose the use of
marijuana, this experience has convinced
me that whatever hazards it may involve
are negligible compared with the damage
that can be done to young people and
their families by present laws.

We hope that now life can beg to
return to normal and that Jerry can soon
be back in school.

Roy Mitchell

West Plains, Missoui

riaynoy joined NORML in appealing
Mitchell's 1976 conviction, hoping 10
successfully challenge the Missouri drug
law that equates marijuana with heroin
by providing penalties of five years to
life for the sale of any amount of either
drug. However, the state supreme court
upheld the law and the sentence, Gover-
nor Joseph P. Teasdale rejected his plea
and Mitchell was taken from college to
begin serving his sentence. While we
can't say much for Missouri's politicians,
law enforcers or courts, we were im-
pressed with the prison administrators
with whom we dealt and are pleased that
the parole board has seen fit to grant
parole. Although Mitchell has been re-
leased, he will continue “paying his debt

to society” with several years of parole
restrictions and a felony conviction that
will remain with him for life. (The
Mitchell case was reported in “The
Playboy Forum” in November 1976 and
in February 1979.)

PERPETUAL PURITANISM

It seems to me that a good deal of the
drug abuse, suicide and promiscuous sex
we see going on can be diagnosed as a
reaction to the puritanical background
and influence that this country has had
to wade through for the past 200 years.
That influence has encouraged too many
people to think along one general line,
to hold everything in, not to think for
themselves and to ignore natural urges
and emotions. In a society where freedom
of mind and action arc inhibited, you're
bound to run into scrious trouble. A
hell of a lot of things inevitably have
changed since the Pilgrims arrived. on
our shores. We're living with a different
set ol re s in the Seventies, and it
disturbs me to see people who are still
trying to pull us down into the bottom-
less pool of puritanical mindlessness.
There's a sickness rampant in our society,
i n't be blamed on rock ‘n’ roll,
n youth, pornography, mari-
juana, etc. If we encourage human under-
standing and tolerance and admonish
people to be mature and rational and to
take things as they come, we will be much
better off. My nod of appreciation goes to
»LAYBoY for spreading the word of
rationality.

Lance Brandt
New London, Connecticut

STRIP SEARCHES

My wife and I lived in Chicago for
three years in the early Seventies and we
get back to the city once or twice a year
to visit friends and take our kids to the
museums. We've always liked Chicago,
but our last visit was truly our last be-
cause of an experience that turned into
а bureauci ‚ police-state nightmare.

Coming back from shopping, my wife
was stopped for an illegal left turn. The

woman with whom we were staying was
a passenger. Both were taken to a police
station, because my wife had an outof-

state driver's license; and before either
woman could call for someone to come
down with the cash bond, both had to
undergo what is known as a strip search,
At first, my wile objected and she was
told by a police matron, “Honey, either
you pull those panties and do your
squats or ГЇЇ just have to ask those guys
in the other room to give you some
assistance.

This was not only degrading and hu-
mil ng but also plain stupid. We're
now involved in a class-action lawsuit
against the Chicago police, and as а re-
sult, I've learned that this “squatting”

business, which is supposed to reveal con-
traband, is gynecological nonsense and
mainly a matter of police folklore or
sadism or both. (Squatting might cause a
concealed pistol to rattle onto the con-
crete floor, but I doubt that’s where the
ze woman would carry a weapon.)

Tt was six hours, from nine р.м. to
three am., before my friend and I found
out that our wives were alive and only
in custody of those whom our tax dollars
pay to “serve and protect.” to quote the
slogan painted on the sides of Chi
squad cars. So I would not like to hear
more complaints from either cops or
citizens who think the police do not have
enough authority to combat crime. What
authority they have, they seem to take
delight in abusing.

1 would urge anyone who has had a
similar experience to contact the Amer-
ican C Liberties Union in Chicago
concerning the legal action we are tak-
ing. If cops like those in Chicago are sup-
posed to be our protectors, ТЇЇ take my
chances with the crin

av

withheld by request)
Strip searches, not only in Chicago but
in other cities as well, have generated
quite a bil of mail lately. Either this has
been another police fad, like SWAT
teams in the suburbs, or the widely re-
ported A.C.L.U. suit is letting more
people know that their strip-search expe-
rience was not merely a freak incident.
The Chicago police supposedly have
stopped this practice. What puzzles us is
that the police would engage in it at all.
We've heard one plausible explanation:
Cops feel so frustrated and crippled by
civilrights legislation and legal decisions
that, as this correspondent suggests, they
eagerly abuse what authority they have—
apparently not understanding that that is
exactly what leads to public criticism of
police and to further restrictions.

I have a moral sense of right and
wrong. I have a conscience. 1 also have a
lovely 15-year-old daughter who will be
driving a car next year. If she were ever
subjected to a strip search for a minor
traffic ion, I would, so help me,
God, walk into whatever police station
and pulverize some perverts, regardless
of the consequences, If they managed to
take me alive, and if anyone like myself
were on the jury, I know I would be
found not guilty.

Russ Carey
Cassopolis, Michig:

“The Playboy Forum” offe the
opportunity for an extended dialog
between readers and editors of this

publication on contemporary issues. Ad-
dress all correspondence to The Playboy
Forum, Playboy Building, 919 North
Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611.

а,

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Ruth Daniel's lemonade.

Of course, we'd rather give you a sip of
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we live in is absolutely bone dry. And even
though we make a good deal of whiskey
here, we are not legally allowed to serve
you a single drop. Still, we
hope you'll have time to
enjoy a complimentary

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glass of Miss Ruth's MELLOWED
lemonade. And a sip ۵
of Mr. Jack's whiskey me
wherever the law BY DROP

is allowing.

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Lem Motlow, Prop., Inc., Lynchburg (Pop. 361), Tennessee 37352
Placed in the National Register of Historic Places by the United States Government

71

72

SOME TOUGH QUESTIONS
ABOUT AIRLINE SAFETY

Last sp
after take-off

g. an American Airlines DC-10 crashed shortly

rom Chicago's O'Hare Field, killing all 271
persons on board and two others on the ground. It was
the worst crash ever in the U.S. Among the dead were
four people who were friends and colleagues of ours (sce
page 285).

There's a special scale to the horror when a large air-
plane crashes. Few other technological disasters cause so
much death so quickly and leave so many unfinished lives.
In this case, the plane—American flight 191 bound for Los
Angeles—lost its left engine on take-off, remained hap-
lessly aloft for 33 seconds and exploded into a fireball when
it crashed on the site of an abandoned airport about a
mile from its takeoff point. It's likely that all of us who
knew someone on that plane have spent some bad moments
since then thinking about the terror of living 33 seconds
strapped into a seat on a doomed airplane.

.

As we go to press, the cause of the crash has not yet been

determined, though the possibilities have narrowed dra-

matically as the evidence has been examined. The weather

was good (it ady, but no pilots had reported prob-
Jems with that). The air-traffic controllers were on top of
things (even as the engine was hitting the ground, an
J. asked the pilot if he wanted to return). The pilot
apparently did everything correctly. ("He was a str
shooter," a friend of his, also а DC-10 pilot, told us.
real by-the-book pilot") Given those facts, why did a
four-ton engine tear loose and why, then, did this DC-10
go down? The answer is maddeningly simple: There was
something wrong with the plane, perhaps something wrong
һ its very concept and design, certainly some
wrong with the airframe and its maintenance.

The truth about our technologies is turning out to be
more than most of us can handle. For if there is one con-
clusion to draw from the crash of American Airlines flight
ТӨТ, it is that we have a confidence in our machines that
far exceeds our knowledge of them, and surely exceeds the
actual limits of their uses. And d confidence has been

created and imposed on us by Government agencies, ad-
ministrations and private industries willing to balance
lives against dollars.

.
On May 27, Ralph Nader wrote a letter to Transporta
tion Secretary Brock Adams that read in part

Over the past decade, the DC-10 has been plagued
by engi g design deficiencies which have cost
hundreds of people their lives. It is apparent that the
DC-10 is a troubled aircraft, and many of its problems
can be traced back to the late 1960s and early 1970s,
when competition to produce such jumbo jets was
fierce and when manufacturers pressured the FAA not
to take action which might delay production or hurt
sales. At that time, Boeing had already come out with
s B-747, and McDonnell Douglas and Lockheed were
locked in a grim battle to get their respective DC-10s
nd L-1011s into the ski
In this battle of the corporate titans, passenger safe-
ty was the first casualty. This first became glaringly ap-
parent on June 12, 1972, when the cargo door on an
American Airlines DC-10 blew off in midflight over
Windsor, Ontario. Only the skill of the captain al-
lowed the plane to land without loss of life. FAA staff

wanted to issue a public Airworthiness Directive, which
would have required the problem to be fixed, but the
FAA administrator entered into a private “gentleman's
agreement” with McDonnell Douglas, who agreed to
fix the door without the issuance of an Airworthiness
Directive that was bound to attract unwelcome pub-
icity and scare off potential buyers

Unfortunately, the problem was not fixed on a
DC-0 which was later sold to Turkish Airlines, and on
March 3, 1974, shortly after the plane took off from.
Paris’ Orly Airport, the cargo door blew off. This time,
however, explosive decompression resulted, and the
plane crashed, killing all 346 people on board. The
shabby behavior of top FAA officials and McDonnell
Douglas executives during this episode is, of course,
widely known. In light of last Fridays disaster, how-
ever, it is important to raise the issue in order to
ask, "Are all the signific: bugs really out of the
DC10?" The available evidence suggests that the an-
swer is still no.

D

vrAYBov has investigated the airline industry in the past
and found it to be grossly deficient. In July 1975, Laurence
onzales wrote:
+ Before leaving the ground, every craft made or flown
this country has to be certified by the Federal Aviation
Administration an airworthy machine. Basically, that
means that fly. But some vehicles considered to be
worthy by the FAA have failed to stay in the air.

+ James Eckols, a captain and a representative of the
Air Line Pilots Association (A.L.P-A.), says of the FAA,

They're the world’s worst. You keep turning over rocks
and you don't just find worms. You find tarantul And
the finger always ends up pointing at the FAA. They don't
just commit adultery with the airlines, they commit incest."

* An airplane going 130 knots on a rough runway sur-
face sustains structural damage that can literally cause it
to fall apart in mid-air.

* In 1975, it more dangerous to fly from, say, С
cago to New York than to take a train. This is figured in
passenger miles. In 1975, it was reported that the U.S. ac-
knowledged that for domestic carriers on international
flights, “the [1974] fatality rate was an increase of 1802 per-
cent over 1969-1973."

Gonzales has refused to fly DC-10s ever since that in-
vestigation. Now the rest of us understand his reluctance
nd, in the wake of the disaster in May, we at PLAYBOY are
committing ourselves to a thorough and sweeping exam-
tion of commercial air travel in general and of the
DC-10, the FAA and the crash of flight 191 in particular.
Here are some of the points we hope to cov
* How does the process of aircraft certification work.
nd does it? The certification process by the
to depend largely on self-policing by the airline
“The public would be outraged to know tha
does little more than rubber
which it allows the manufacturers to engage
O'Donnell, president of A.L.P.A. The FAA is respons
for certifying planes, yet some aircraft to which it has
granted approval—notably, the DC-10—have proved cata-
clysmically unairworthy. How did the DC-10 ever get cer-
tified with its proven defects—defects that were known
at the time of certification? As we go to press, the hydraulic

A seems
ndustry.
the FAA
amp the self-regulating in

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PLAYBOY

74

and electi systems and the me itself are seriously
in question. New reports from DC-10 pilots and air-industry
insiders indicate that the airplane's Mere are far from
over.

+ A representative of the Aircraft Mechanics Fraternal
Association has called the FAA “the worst of all Govern-
ment agencies when it comes to public safety.” A House
i ions the FAA makes or fails
у literally endanger human life." Has the FAA
ever really regulated commercial aviation or has it simply
served as a tool to promote business at the expense of lives?
IL the FAA is as incompetent and as negligent as it appears,
should it not be disbanded?

+ The DC-10 has one of the worst records in commercial-

ion history. It is responsible not only for the worst
о) but also for
the worst single-ai history of the world
(846 killed in France). As Nader points out, the question-
ability of the DC-10 goes back to. McDonnell Douglas’
decision to design it. Lockheed and McDonnell Douglas
were racing neck and neck to get a jumbo trijet into
production, yet the DGIO was brought out a full nine
months before the L-1011. The disastrous events th
lowed make it mandatory that we take a hard look at how
the DC-10 was designed, how it was allowed to fly and
whether or not it should ever be allowed to fly a; It
has become the first jetage aircraft to be officially grounded
by the FAA (twice as of this w nd even Douglas,
which staunchly defends the product, decided not to go to
court to appeal the second grounding.

* In determi the cause of the crash of flight 191,
there are two major questions to be answered: Why
an engine fall off? Why did a plane designed to fly w
one engine missing fail to do so? As more information is
revealed, it becomes increa:
fell off either because of a d men
wing-pylon system or because of fa nce of tha
system. There is evidence now that the nufac-
turer was warned in 1977 that a nonrecommended main-
tenance procedure was damaging the engine mountings—
yet there is no evidence at this time that McDonnell Doug-
las ever passed th ng on to the users of its DC-10
jetliners. Still, this is quibbling. The engine mounting
failed, and the responsibility for that failure goes back to
the people who designed, bi i ned
the aircraft. The stresses imparted to a plane from badly
repaired runways, the brutal forces of take-ofls and the
sudden shocks of landings, and the severe punishment an
rframe takes in turbulence are known forces. The DC-10
engine mount was not designed nor maintained sufficiently
to cope with those forces.

The second question (why the plane failed to recover
from the loss of the engine) is far more complex. In a
memorandum to rLaysoy dated May 29, 1979, four days
after the crash of fight 191, Gonzales wrote: ccording
10 all our sources, there is no reason that the loss of the
ne should have made the plane crash. Therefore, wi
aling with a situation in which the cause of the plane's
going down occurred after the engine came off.”

Gonzales’ memorandum, based on DC-10 design and on
interviews with aviation-industry sources, speculated on
the possible sequence of events alter the engine fell off,
The explanation aviation experts found most plausible
volved the DG-10's hydraulic systems—by which the
planes control surfaces are operated. Its essential point
was that the DC-10's hydraulics, supposedly designed
a mechanical interconnection to compensate for a fa
in one of the systems, could go into a state of hyperactivity,
overpumping the hydraulic fluid and rendering hydraulic

n flaw in the

, certified and maint

power unavailable—and causing loss of control of the
airplane.

In effect, the plane went into automated shock. Gon:
es warned in his memo that his information was “pre
liminary and only a theory." But nine days later, The New
York Times reported that the Natio: Transportation
Safety Board team investigating the crash was, after con-
ering many possibilities, focusing on the hydraulic sys-
tem as the likeliest factor in the pilot's inability to recover
control from the loss of the en; t

A few days later, in another memorandum, Gonzales
wrote: "I have conflicting information. DC-10 pilots arc
telling me that what I laid out is fundamentally correct
and possible. Douglas, through its spokesman, is telling me
ul the hydraulic system would shut itself off if fluid
were lost, preventing the scenario I have laid out. . . . I
have asked to speak with the director of engineering but
have received no response. I consulted ation expert.
on this contradiction and he said he felt that Douglas
didn’t understand the system to begin with and that it still
doesn't und

‘There is anoth

theory about what might have caused
the hydraulic failure. It proposes that the engine flew off
over the wing and damaged hydraulic lines in the wing
leading edge. If so, it should be noted that that would not
have happened on either an 11011 or a 747, whose de-
signers had the foresight to put those essential arteries
behind the main spar of the wing, where they are protected
from a frontal strike. Using those two other jumbo jets as
a comparison, the DC-10 begins to look like die e rly Ford
Pinto, whose designers put the gas tank exactly where
could be hit. In addition, the 747 and the L-1011 jumbo
jets have four hydraulic systems; the DC-10 has only three,
Why?

* Many other

fety will be covered in

PLAYBOY'S investiga ve known for years, for
example, that there are inexpensive fuel systems that can
prevent explosion and fire when a plane crashes. While

those systems ma not have saved any of those on
board flight 191, they very well might have saved those
people who died on the ground as a result of the enormous
fireball generated when 80,000 pounds of kerosene explod-
ed. Why has the FAA not made those systems mandatory?

* We know that the materials in the interior of aircraft
give off toxic gases when they burn, Numerous deaths have
resulted from this, Those materials can easily be replaced
by the Nomex race-car drivers use for their fire-retardant
suits. Why hasn't that been done?

* Airplane seats are lethal. Most seat mounts аге stressed.
to nine gs. People can withstand about four times that.
Countless deaths have been caused when ts have broken
loose in crashes that каша oiean p have been survivable.

i ave reports that even
5 accomplished. The

the FAA.” What is the FAA doing if not monitoring
aircraft maintenance?

‘The list goes on and on, but at the heart of the matter
is the fact that the airline industry is in deep trouble, is
top-heavy, unwieldy and stretched, as we saw last May 25,
beyond its breaking point. Working with aviation expert
we hope to come close to answering some of the questions
posed here. People within the commercial-air-travel indus-
try who feel they have information that could help in our
investigation are encouraged to write to Laurence Gonzales,
Air Safety Investigation, c/o PLAvsov, 919 North Michigan
Avenue, Chicago, Шіпоіѕ 60611.

Subscribe now and get 12 great issues of PLAYBOY for only $14. OR CALL TOLL-FREE 800-621-1116.
3 vs (In Illinois, call 800-972-6727.)

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PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: P ETE RO SE

a candid conversation with baseball’s “charlie hustle” about managers, fans,
hitting, sliding, money, drugs and sex—and his own over-all terrificness

nty-some years ago, Peter Edward.
Rose was just another tough kid growing
up in the river wards of Cincinnati. He
was a tough kid who liked girls and fast
and fancy cars and baseball. Today, at
the age of 38, not much has changed
about Pete Rose. The girls have turned to
women and fast cars are getting more
expensive, But Rose, who makes his
living—and a very good one, at that—
playing baseball, is still tough. And he is
still very much a kid.

Rose may play with different toys
now—a 51000 fur coat, an $8000 gold-
and-diamond watch and a $14,000. car
that goes 130 miles an how—but he
hasn't really changed. Baseball has, The
game has become big business and he has
grabbed more than his share of the big
bucks that go along with it, Al an age
when the major decision facing most
players is whether to become a car sales-
тап or (o open a taproom, Rose was
faced with the enviable task of choosing
from among a slew of major-league teams
offering him millions о] dollars for start-
ers. And Rose, who had never played a
home baseball game outside Cincinnali,
picked the Philadelphia Phillies, who

‘ve been here 16 years and 1 still do it
all. І got the fan appeal. Гое played
against Mays, Musial, Aaron, Clemente.
It's hard to become number опе with
guys like that around. But J done it.”

would pay him at least $3,200,000 over
four years.

But how, many asked, could Rose be
worth the money? Well, he packs ball
parks. And while, as a technician, he
really can't. be ranked. up there with
the Dave Parkers, the Rod Carews and
the Jim Rices, Rose has one very impor-
tant thing going for him. He has become
perhaps the most famous white sports
stay in the world.

Just last year, a world far beyond base-
ball watched as Rose took on the seem-
ingly unbreakable record of Yankee great
Joe DiMaggio—who hit safely in 56
straight games, Ina streak that started in
mid-June, Rose scratched, clawed, hustled
and bunted his way to one plateau after
another. On July 31, 1978, he set a Na-
tional League mark of 14 straight games.
The streak would stop. there, but Pete
Rose would go on to a White House
visit with Jimmy Carter, a highly her-
alded tour of Japan and commercial
deals that would make him millions. And
while Cincinnati's Riverfront
was only a line drive away from his boy-
hood home, Rose had come a long way.

Rose is the son of a bank employee.

Stadium

“I go into bars, but 1 don't drink. People
have a tendency to think you're drinking
if they see you in a bar. If they sec me
go into a room with a girl, they think
we're in there screwin’.”

His father's passion for sports rubbed off
easily on him. Too small to make it as a
football player, he concentrated on base-
ball. He played hard and tough, but he
never had a great deal of natural talent.
Luckily, he knew somebody in the busi-
ness. His uncle was а minor-league scout
for his hometown team, the Reds. He
talked them into giving the kid a tryout.
Rose was impressive enough to be signed
10 a minor-league contract. He spent
three years viding the battered buses of
the farm teams. The Reds finally called
him up in 1963.

Thats when baseball people really
started. to take notice of this hard-nosed
hid who ran to first on a base on balls,
the hustling hotshot who, instead of
sliding, dove headfirst into bases. They
noliced him enough to vote him Rookie
of the Year.

It was the beginning of a notable ca-
тест. Along the way, he would lead the
league in batting, runs scored, hits and
doubles. Rose would become the peren-
nial All-Star consummate
player, switching positions, moving to
wherever he was needed most.

In 1976, Rose, who broke in making

and team

we

if

WIDE WORLD PHOTOS

“I ain't going to try to satisfy everyone.
The Reds management told me not to
drive my Rolls-Royce to the ball park, be-
cause it makes the fans mad. 1 told them
to go to hell. 1 worked hard for that car."

77

PLAYBOY

78

less than $15,000, led his team 10 a

'orld.series sweep over the Yankees. He
had become the major drawing card for
the 2,600,000 fans who came to River-
front Stadium that year. He had become
the strongest driving force on a team
that was called the Big Red Machine.
And Rose decided it was high time his
wallet got oiled. He decided he was
worth $100,000 a year. That, he said, was
what the Reds would have to pay him
10 retain his services.

That contract ended with last season,
one that had Rose spending much of his
time in the sports headlines. When the
Reds! management refused to talk to him
about a bigger money package, he decid-
ed to test his value in the open market.
He became a free agent, negotiating with
any team that would have him. And
many would. They saw Rose as a team
leader and a great drawing card. He
traveled all over, eventually. narrowing
his choice to five cities—St. Louis, At-
lanta, Kansas City, Pittsburgh and Phil-
adelphia. He presented his case and sat
back and listened to the offers. In addi-
tion to tremendous amounts of money,
they included everything from a beer
distributorship to vace horses.

The team that was offering the least
financially was Philadelphia. Why go
with the lowest price? Well, Rose had
some friends there. Rut mostly it was
because the team was a winner. And if
there was one thing Rose hated more
than anything else, it was losing.

He had survived some rocky times in
his marriage, a relationship that yielded
hima 14-year-old daughter, а carbon-copy
ten-year-old son and, last summer, а
troubled separation from his wife, Karo-
lyn. And just when things were back
together and looking good again, Rose
was slapped with a paternity suit by a
young woman from Tampa who had
spent a good deal of lime in his company.

With the pressures of the season, the
suit and the big money hanging over him,
Rose has been reluctant to talk about
much more than baseball clichés. To get
the real story behind this curious Ameri-
can folk hero, PLAYBOY sent Maury Z. Levy
and Samantha Stevenson, who had teamed.
up recently to write “The Secret Life
of Baseball” (rtavmov, July), to talk
with Rose. Levy is editorial director of
Philadelphia magazine and Stevenson is a
seasoned sporls free-lancer who made
headlines when she successfully sued to
rel into the Phillies’ locker тоот.

They followed Rose halfway across the
country, starting in Philadelphia, follow-
him home to Cincinnati, and then on
the road to St. Louis and New York, to
‘s report:

“Rose thought this was going lo be just
another interview. And he'd been through
so damned many of them, he had his act
down pat. We spent the first couple of

hours in his hotel room in Philadelphia.
It was all very patterned. He had answers
10 questions that weren't asked. He was
running through his basic Pete Rose in-
lerview, the one he had done on national
TV with Phil Donahue and others and
the one that had appeared in almost
cuery newspaper in the country. He had
it down so well he didn't even bother
looking at me through most of it. Instead,
he lay in bed, his eyes fixed on the tele-
vision set that he insisted on leaving on.
He was watching ‘Days of Our Live

“N was clear through all the clichés,
though, that Rose was not just another
dumb athlete. He's not much of an ele-
gant speaker, but you learn quickly to
look beyond that. He has a street sense
that is very sharp. It was OK for him to
be talking about baseball in generalities,
but when it came to money, he was specif-
ic to the penny. He vatiled off profit mar-
gin from projected business deals like a
Wall Street wizard.

“I see youre wearin’ one of them
Cartier watches, he said to me. ‘See this
baby; he said, pointing to a very large
Corum gold-and-diamond Rolls-Royce

“You can take my word for
it. There will be no
athlete anywhere that will
make more money than
me this year.”
—

watch on his own wrist, ‘this baby cost
me 8000 bucks. That could buy a lot of
Cartiers, couldn't it?”

“Rose had easily convinced me that he
could buy and sell inc. He had also
proved that he had the attention span of
an eight-year-old. He couldn't sit still for
more than a few minutes. His mind would
wander and then his body. ‘Ain't you
asked enough questions yet?” he would
constantly want to know. ‘You're all bust.
ness, man. Don't you ever have any fun?

“Rose's idea of fun was driving me
around Cincinnati at 90 miles an hour
while he blasted Rod Stewart tapes on
his stereo. I kept expecting him to pull
into a hamburger joint, grease back his
hair and try to pick up some girls. When
1 told him about my own hol-rodding
experiences, he was finally convinced thot
Iwas all right.

““But why are you carrying that ex-
cess baggage around with you?” he asked
when we were alone. He was referring to
Samantha. He just couldn't see her as one
of the guys.”

Says Stevenson:

“Rose never thought of me as a jour-
пайы. I was just window dressing to him.
He thinks a woman's place is in the

kitchen and the bedroom. And when he
looked at me, I felt he was thinking
exactly that.

“And I wasn't the only one. During
one session, we watched a golf tourna-
ment together. Nancy Lopez was playing.
Rose kept commenting on how pretty
she was and he kept asking me if I didn't
think her breasts had gotten bigger.

“He just couldn't understand why Т
wanted to know the answer to all those
sports questions. Why would a girl be so
interested in all thal? He kept referring to
my suit against the Phillies that finally
won me equal rights in the locker room.

** "Tell me, he said, ‘how docs it feel to
have all those cocks staring you in the
face? Doesn't it make you embarrassed?
Do you like it?”

* All those cocks, as Rose called them.
finally got to him. He realized that some
of the other players didn't think it was
too cool for him to be seen talking with
me in the locker room. And Rose is the
kind of guy who never wants to look like
he's nol cool. So he gave into the peer
pressure. He stopped talking to me. He
made the last hours of the interview like
a wild-goose chase, setting up appoint-
ments with me and then standing me up,
going to the track with the guys instead.
He was stonewalling me, but I wasn’t so
sure whether it was just because I was a
woman or because I stopped asking the
baseball questions and started getting into
his personal life. That’s when he ducked
me the most. And that's when he really
started to lose his cool.”

PLAYBOY: Who's the best player in major-
league baseball?

ROSE: I а
PLAYBOY: How do you figure that? Are
you a better hitter than Rod
better slugger than Dave Parker?
all-round player than Cesar Cedeno?
ROSE: It's not that simple. If you're
g about everything included—sel
ne of baseball, public r
rity off the field as well as on the
i i one
position, hitting the baseball from both.
sides—l'm number one. Thats why 1
ake the most money.

PLAYBOY: A lot of people would dispute
that. There are other players who make
mor
ROSE: You can take my word for it, thi
will be no ballplayer or no athlete. I
don't think there will be any athlete any-
where that. will make more money than.
me this yea
PLAYBOY: What about Carew's sai

ions,

ry and

ROSE: Yeah, you can read this stuff about
Dave Parker and you can start saying—
well, you can get $100,000 if he is a Most
Valuable Play: d 550.000 if he is sec-
ond. So he will be a millionaire if he
does all these things he has to do, includ-
ing helping the parks that draw 1,500,000

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PLAYBOY

80

people. So there is a lot of stipulations
in his contract.

PLAYBOY: And there aren't any stipula-
tions in your contract?

ROSE: No. That is my salary, I don't have
to get 200 hits or draw 2,000,000 people
or anything like that.

PLAYBOY: You sound pretty sure of your-
self.

ROSE: Look, I've been here 16 years and I
still do it all. I got the fan appeal. I play
harder than anybody. I've played against
Willie Mays, Stan Musial, Henry Aaron,
Roberto Clemente. It's hard to become
number one when you've got guys like
that around. But I done it

PLAYBOY: Does that make you a super-
star?

ROSE Yeah, I think so. I think Fm
consistent, adjust to situations, handle
people. I think 1 do all those things. A
superstar don't necessarily mean you have
got to hit 40 home runs. It don't m
vou have to get 234 hits or 23
year. 1 mean, a superstar does a little bit
of each. A little bit of everything. Now,
Frank a superstar in what he
does. tent over а period of
time. He can handle situations. ‘That is
why he is a superstar. Just like me.
PLAYBOY: So you feel you're some kind of
legend?

ROSE: I don’t even know what a legend
A legend is old times. A legend to me is
something like a Jesse James or Bat
Masterson or somebody like that. Jesse
James. Babe Ruth is a legend. I guess. 1
have a lot better chance of being a legend
if I get Stan Musial's record [for most
hits in the National League]. You know,
I will become the number-one hitter in
the history of our league. That is really
something to work for. How many guys
in the history of this league do you think
have a chance to do that?

PLAYBOY: Is that how you feel you became
а legend?
ROSE Well, you know a legend—there
aren't too many guys who can look at you
nd say I have got a little girl 14 years
old. I only failed to hit .300 one time
since she was born, Fourtcen years old
she is.

PLAYBOY: ЇЇ you're not a legend yet. how
would you describe yourself?

ROSE: How would 1 describe me? Well, I
fun. I play the game with enthu:
m. I play unorthodox. I'm not graceful.
You know, most guys are graceful. But
I'm not one of those guys that e
thing's got to look smooth. I swing good
But I'm not smooth when I catch a ball.
I'm not smooth when 1 run. But J just
play like a roughneck. 1 play 1
like a football player would play i
hard and I'm tough,

PLAYBOY: And you're pretty cock
ROSE: Well, some people will call me
cocky and arrogant, but I'm not. arro-
gant. I'm just confident, And 1 just

learned a long time ago that I have to
confidence and belicve in myself,
because there's going to be people who
doubt you out there. There's going to be
people who don’t like you our there. I
mean, a lot of people thought that I was
arrogant when I made the statement that
1 felt I should be the highest-paid player
in baseball. A lot of people don't realize
I'm not the same as the other
ballplayers in baseball. There's a little
difference with me, because the other
ballplayers in the game, they're not as
well known as I am everywhere. That's
the truth. There may be a couple close.
But other than. Muhammad Ali, who is
the most recognizable athlete in this
country?

PLAYBOY: О. J. Simpson, maybe.

nd me. So I'm the only white one,

PLAYBOY: ЇЇ vou
ROSE: No contest.

PLAYBOY: And you didn't exactly get to
the top on grace and finesse, did you?
ROSE: N: like I said, I was a roughneck,
1 wasn't scared of nothin’. And I didn’t
give a shit about anything. I still don't

у 50.

“How would I describe
myself? I have fun. I play
the game with enthusiasm.
I play unorthodox. Pm
not graceful.”

worry about anything. I'm not a worrie
If something's going to go wrong with
your business or your marriage or things
like that—the best way to make the prob-
lems easier is to have a good year. You
create more problems if you hit .220. You
create less problems if you hit .310 every
year. You'll have less problems than any
body. Thars the best way to go about
your job, just have a good nd ev
thing will fall into place. Ill take carc
of itself. You'll get the commer
You'll get the raise in pay and ever
thing.

PLAYBOY: That's if it’s all going right.
What if it’s not?

ROSE: Everything goes wrong when you
have a bad year if you're an athlete.
PLAYBOY: And as you get older, isn’t it
easier for things to go wrong?

ROSE: Well, I didn't shrink last year. It
was опе of the most at-bat seasons Г ever
had in my career, 700, and I struck out
imes, the all-time low. So what that
is, the more experience you get, the
smarter you get and the more you learn.
I'm smart enough. to know it's going to
come to an end someday. But I've been
fortunate to be able to prolong it.

PLAYBOY: Why do you say lortu
Don't you have the reputation for taking
good care of yourself?

ROSE: I like to think I play every game
like it's the last one. That's a good w:
to play the game. But maybe it’s just
something that’s interlocked inside your
mind, that this might be your last year or
next year might be your last year. So I
don't think about what's going to hap-

pen tomorrow. I worry about what's go-
ing to happen today.
1 play like a machine. 1 don't get

tired. I just keep coming back and com-
ing at you. I'm the type of guy, if 1 was
in a fight, the other guy would knock me
down and 1 would get back up and he
would knock me down and I would get
back up. I would be like Rocky.
PLAYBOY: Is that how you'd like to be
remembered?

ROSE: Well, I don't want them to forget
me as a man out of baseball. I don't
want them to forget me. I mean, I just
want people to say there is а guy that
worked the hardest and the longest to be-
come a switch-hitter, the best switch-hit
ter that ever lived, plus the guy who no
matter where he played, he was а winner,
PLAYBOY: You mentioned being the most
popular guy in the game—bur you do
haye a lot of people who dislike you.
Why is that?

ROSE: There's people who would dislike
me if I'd signed for the Reds for
300,000, or if I had said Vl play for the
Reds for $100,000 and to hell with the
money. There's still somebody who'd say,
well, he still makes too much. You know,
there are so many people in the world.
s idiots everywhere. Just down-
right stupid people. They have no values
of money or no values of talent or noth-
ing. They're just stupid people

PLAYBOY: What do you think makes the
fans so angry with you?

ROSE: "here's a lot of things that make
them mad about me. Maybe the way I
. There are some people who
ke me the way I play, because 1
prove to pcople if you work hard at
something, you can accomplish it without
super talent. And, sce, I make the lazy
guy look into the mirror and be mad at
himself, I show up lazy people because 1
play hard and play every day. Becaus

they could do it if they worked hard
themselves, and they know they've
messed up.

PLAYBOY: And so they resent you?

ROSE: Sure, They resent it because they're
saying, “Theres no ballplaver worth
that.” I mean, was I supposed to say I
don't want it? Im not worth it? You

know, I don't understand people.
PLAYBOY: Maybe the fans forget that you
are being paid to entertain.

ROSE: Yeah, but they don't get mad if
Rod Stewart makes millions of dollars for
his concerts. They don't say nothing. I

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PLAYBOY

82

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LAKE GENEVA Е

never hear anybody say anything about
Wayne Newton making $5,000,000 a year
in Vegas. You know, I'm not saying he's
not worth it. He's the best entertainer

out there. Frank Sinatra gets $250,000 а
week out there. Ann-Margret makes
$200,000 а week. But they're worth it,

because they get up and they do two
shows a night
PLAYBOY: And Sinatra doesn't get booed
if he misses a note. How does it feel,
getting booed?
ROSE: Booings something you learn to
e with. But sometimes the fans go nuts
Like, a guy threw a whiskey bottle ar
Bake McBride in St. Louis. You know,
that kind of shit, that ain't part of the
game. And I've had that happen to me
I've had to be taken olf two or three
fields. L.A., New York and Chicago. 1
had to be taken off the field because
garbage was being thrown at me. I don't
agree with people who think that’s part
of the game.
PLAYBOY: Were you in danger
those times?
ROSE: Well. a whiskey bottle just missed
my head. I got shot on my neck with a
paper clip and it bled for three innings.
What if the guy had put my eye out?
Whats the guy gonna get, à $25 mis-
demeanor fine? And my career is over?
Guys threw bottles, chicken bones,
bage. A guy threw a crutch at me once
left field in Chicago.
PLAYBOY: That sounds as though it could
have hurt.
ROSE. Sec, you're just like the fans.
a mean, that coulda hurt? When
a crutch hits you, you get hurt. I don’t
classify them idiots as fans. Most fans
who go to the ball park are good fans.
"There's always а couple, You
get a 40,000 crowd, there's got to be
idiot in the crowd. I mean, there's got to
be some pcople who just don't have any
sense. They're just there to make a scene
Look, I go watch Rocky, Sylvester Stal-
lone ain't gonna give me an autograph.
He's not gonna give me a boxing glove
He's not gonna talk to me. If people go
to the ball park, they think they're sup
posed to get an autograph. You're sup-
posed to give them a bat. They think all
that’s part of the four-dollar tick І
mean, they forget about the entertain-
ment of the nine-inning game.
PLAYBOY: Maybe there are some people
who still don't think you're worth it.
ROSE. | don't give a shit what people
think. E used to really worry about that,
too. I really did. When I used to hold
out for more топсу every year, I used to
worry about that, because 1 always want-
ed to make everybody like me. Playing
hard, being nice, signing autographs. I
used to give in to the Reds a lot, because
I didn't want to hold out. But when you
start getting letters like I get and phone
calls and stuff like that, and people being

at any of

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PLAYBOY

84

idiots, I say the hell with them. I'm not
going to worry about anybody

PLAYBOY: What kind of letters do you get?
ROSE: Oh, you know . . . racial letters and
shit like that. I say the hell with them. I
mean, some guy is sitting behind me
when I'm getting in my car one night.
He's getting in his truck and he's got his
load of people with him and he's gotta
yell at me. He's gotta tell me, “Got all
your money in your suitcase?" I say, "I
can’t get it all in there, asshole.” And he
just shut up. I mean, why don't he just
get in his car and move on?
PLAYBOY: Fans can be fanatics.
ROSE: Oh, yeah. They always want a piece
of you. I was at a place the other day;
Im sitting upstairs with [Larry] Bowa
and Schmitty [Mike Schmidt], we're hav-
ing breakfast and I come in and I go to
the john. So I'm sitting there, going to
the john, and all of a sudden I hear thi
guy come in. Now, I haven't said nothing
to Bowa and Schmitty. And this guy, I
guess he's taking a leak or something.
and this other guy walks in and he asks
him how he's doing. He says. "Oh. I'm
doing fine." He says, "I just been upstairs
and had breakfast with Pete Rose and I
been talking to him." And he don't know
I'm sitting in there, You know, I'm sit-
ting there, saying, “You're a goddamn
liar." Thats why when I go in a bar, I
don't drink and 1 never let anybody buy
me a drink, never. Because people go to

work next day and say, “I was out drink-
ing with Pete Rose till four in the morn-
ing"—only 1 left at 10:30.

PLAYBOY: Are you hassled by fans at
home?

ROSE Oh, I can go home, where I can
listen to prank telephone calls. Shit, I
get my phone number changed every
three months. It's the idiots that just sit
and think of reasons why they should
call. That's the way people are I just
laugh at them, That shit don't really
bother me. Nothing bothers me except
these people that start calling me dis-
loyal and stuff like this. I abandoned
lot of endless

Cincinnati? I put in a
hours of hard work for that city, both
on and off the field. And I'm not looking
for anything for it. That's why I ain't
gonna try to satisfy everyone. Just like
the time the Reds’ management told me
not to drive my Rolls-Royce to the ball
park, because it makes the fans mad.
PLAYBOY: And, naturally, you didn't agree
with their way of thinking.

ROSE: I told them to go to hell. I worked
hard for that саг. They didn't tell [Joe]
Morgan and those guys not to drive their
$20,000 Corvettes and Cadillacs to the
ball park

PLAYBOY: Those sound like the problems
of arich and successful athlete. Were you
always a winner? How about when you
were growing up?

ROSE: No, I was a loser with the books. I

was too busy playing ball and getting
into trouble.

PLAYBOY: Did you ever get into any real
trouble in school?

ROSE: No, just punk stuff, like throwing
rocks at windows and putting shit in a
bag and setting it on fire. Knocking on
somebody's door. Let them open the bag
PLAYBOY: What about chasing girls?

ROSE: I had my share when I was а kid.
I think I got the pretty girls. I don't
know if they got the good-looking guy.
but they got the guy everybody knew.
PLAYBOY: When did you first get inyolved
with girls?

ROSE: What are you
get my first piece of
are ashing?

PLAYBOY: Not exactly, but that’s a good
start

ROSE: 1 don't remember specifically what
day it was or how old [ was. I'm no
different than any other kid.

PLAYBOY: Well, were you a teenager?
ROSE: Probably. No, I don't think I was
a teenager yet, I don't remember.
PLAYBOY: Since we brought up the sub-
ject, let's talk about sex. Should an ath.
lete have sex before a game?

ROSE: No.

PLAYBOY: Why?

ROSE: It makes you tired.

PLAYBOY: You believe that old wives’ tale?
ROSE: Well, let me ask you a question. If
you make love for a half hour or 45

king, when did I
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86

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minutes or an hour on the day of
are you tired? How are you going to go
to the ball game and perform at the ut
most of your ability if you are mellow?
If you have
hyper?
PLAYBOY: But you've had other thir
take your mind off the game. You
your wife, Karolyn, separa

mer. Wasn't she ready to file for a divorce?
ROSE: Well, I don't think it is anybody's
business. I don't know w
were. But I don't think she was going to
file for a divorce. It was better to separate

› to go to the ball park

to
nel

the accounts

going to the ball park a
or being mad about somethir
going to be mad living at home, the

ration was my fault, it wasn't her
fault. So it proved thar I had some weak
nesses. I mean, I am not the only guy in
the world who ever separated from his
wife for a couple of months. So it ain't
that big a deal to me. It ain't nobody's
problem in Philadelphia and no one's
problem is the same as mine. And I
handled it. I handled it in my own wiry
Other guys would have handled it differ-
ently. [handled it my own way

PLAYBOY: Did it work?

ROSE: Yeah, well, obviously

PLAYBOY: Still, aren't there women every
where who turn your head?

ROSE: Once in a while they turn my head.
As long as | don't touch.

PLAYBOY: What kind of women do you
likez

ROSE: Just, I guess, I like class. I don't
mean rings and cars and clothes. 1 mean
just people who you can just tell have
class by looking at them. You know, just
the they handle themselves and the
way they walk. I like people with per
sonality.

PLAYBOY: Do you like pretty women
around you?

ROSE: Oh, yeah. I like women with pretty
legs. Pretty legs and pretty mouths.
PLAYBOY: What is it about mouths
ROSE: I just think because that is what
you look at. You don't talk to somebody
and look at their navel or at their shoul
der. People with prety mouths are
pretty.
are built good. So those two qualities
usually make a complete girl.

PLAYBOY: You don't like breasts?

ROSE: I can only speak for mine. I don't
like mine. I mean, to be kissed. 1 don't
know. I can't stand it. It bugs the shit
out of me. It makes me feel like somcone's
taking their fingers to a screen door.
PLAYBOY: What's your fantasy life like?
ROSE: What's a fantasy?

PLAYBOY: Imagination. Illusion, You can
have s
ROSE: What is the sense of having a fan-
газу about going to bed with somebody
that is supposed to be the prettiest girl

And most people with pretty legs

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BB

in the world? If I can't do it, why should
I waste my time even wondering about
iè Sitting here right now, I am fantasiz-
ing about playing in the world series
with the Phillies. I would like that to
happen. Yeah. That is the utmost thing
on my mind right now

PLAYBOY: OK, back to bascball. You men-
acia" letters

ned earlier that you get
from baseball fans. What did you me:
ROSE: It goes back a long way. І was
actually called into the office in 1963 for
hanging with the black players too much.
PLAYBOY: Why?
ROSE The white players didn’t want to
associate with me. Sce, in 1961, the Reds
won the pennant and they had a guy
named Don Blasingame on second base.
In 1962, he had his best year ever. He hit
-981. So because of those reasons, in 1965,
they all thought that he could help them
win their pennant again. Fred Hutchi
son, the manager, stuck me at second
base, and they all resented that. They
didn't want a rookie on second base, be-
cause they had veterans in all the other
positions. And the only guys that treated
me with any dignity and decency was
Frank Robinson and Vada Pinson, the
black guys. It was a very cliquish team in
those days. "That's why they didn't win
The black players were just like me
when I was a kid. No car,
suit of clothes. All they had to do was
play sports. If you ride downtown Man.
hattan, every time you go by a basketball
court or a handball court, they're all
blacks out there playing. How else arc
they going to get an educa How
else are they going to make a
ing? So the blacks do it because they
don't have the things.
PLAYBOY: Had you always been a second

no money, no

baseman?

ROSE: I was a catcher all the way up to
high school. Thats why I was never a
polished fielder. When I made the bi
leagues, I was only second baseman for
three years. One year of high school and
two years of the minors. And you don't
become a good fielder if you don't prac
tice day in and day out

PLAYBOY: Why do you think that fans
started coming back to baseball?

ROSE: Because we brought them back. Me
and the Reds, after that
with Boston. That was the greatest world
cball, action-

^15 world series

series in the history of ba
wise

Five out of seven of the games were
games. Thats what started
people coming back. Baseball was excit
ing again. And then there was my hitting
ık. . . . What that did, what the 41
streak did, what that did to me is.
of people were rooting for me that didn't
even that didn't
thing about me. Because that
national publicity. You
know, ‘cause people started following
that every day. Every day that I hit, they

one-run

lot

know me, know any-

ot a lot of

attention—or

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PLAYBOY

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had it on TV. So that really helped me
out in that respect. It brought a lot of
fans back, too.

PLAYBOY: What was the most memorable
thing to you about the '75 series?

ROSE: I was Most Valuable Player.
PLAYBOY: Anything else?

ROSE: Well, getting some key hits, making
some key plays and winning. There
big dillerence in winning a world series
or just losing one. Most guys are just
happy to get there and they don't even
concentrate on winning. Not me. I don't
get nowhere to lose

PLAYBOY: How do you find Philadelphi:
Is it as straitlaced a town as
ROSE: We had too many rules in Cincin-
j. 1 guess it was because it was such a
conservative town. No long hair, no
mustaches—things like that. I guess in

Philly, 1 can г
PLAYBOY: And you don’t like to follow
rules?

ROSE: Well, if a guy sets rules, yeah, I'll
follow them. In Philadelphia, you have
the type of players who don't need a lot
of rules. Danny Ozark don't have to
stand there with a gun and make sure I
get my ground balls. He's got guys that
are professional enough that they go
about their job in the right way. What
Danny does is tell you what he wants
done and lets you go about it. He lets
you be your own man.

PLAYBOY: Is onc of your goals to become
a team leader to the Phillies?

ROSE: No. "That's not my goal. I probably
had a better impact on the team
leadership if 1 had a good spring
training as far as getting a lot of hits.
But I hit .194. You know. But I think
the guys on the Phillies know that I
work hard and I do my job and I'm just
gonna play hard every day. You know,
it takes some time to earn the respect of

your teammates, You just don't walk in
and say, * à a row, I got 3000
hits. I'm your leader," I mean, you just
can't do it.

PLAYBOY: But you would like to be the
leader of the team, wouldn't you?

ROSE: Oh, sure. I think it took a long
time for me to become a leader in Cin-
even though you got a guy like
Johnny Bench. He hits all them great
home runs, makes all them All-Star teams.
and is a great player. Great, but that
don’t qualify you as a team leader. A
team leader has to come from
respected from the way you play
and day out. Consistency. You don't
to be the best player to be a team leader,
No. you have to be a certain type player.
Johnny Bench is good, but he just
the type.

PLAYBOY: When do you think you became
the leader of the Reds?

ROSE: I think probably after the 773 play-
offs with the trouble with New York.
The fight I had with Bud Harrelson. I

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PLAYBOY

92

just knocked the Mideast war off the
cover of the New York Daily News.
PLAYBOY: And that’s when the Reds no-
ticed you?

ROSE: Yeah: “Look at this guy. He's in-
credible. He don't care about nothin’.
All he wants to do is win." I was playing
the whole city of Manhattan.

PLAYBOY: You were certainly swinging
away then. Would you categorize the
Phillies as a swinging team
ROSE I don't know what you mean by
swingers. I don't drink, so I never been
out with any of them. I don’t know what
they do off the field. In order to have
that image, you have to hang in bars. 1
mean, because girls don't hang in super-
markets. I just don't like to go to bars
and stuff—and I'm not a prude or any-
thing—I just haven't been able to con-
vince myself that drinking is gonna do
anything for me. That don't make them
guys bad guys and me a good guy. Some
guys like to go have a beer after the game
d just relax. It's good for you in u
respect. I'd rather go home and watch
TV and get room service and that way
по one bothers me. I take my phone off
the hook at 11 o'clock, and ГЇЇ be a son of
a bitch if some guy didn't call me at 20
alter two and wanted to get am auto-
graph. In the hotel. I don't know how
he got through. They say it's the price
but if I go someplace to

PLAYBOY: Is that bad?

ROSE: It’s getting worse. I don't have no
time of my own. Somebody always wants
somethin’ from me.

PLAYBOY: So you just stay in your room
and hide?

ROSE: No, I go out some. I go into bars,
but I don't drink. Yet, there will be
people who say they saw me in there
drinking. People have a tendency to
think you're drinkin’ if they sce you
there in a bar. И they see me go into a
room with a girl, they think we're in
there screwin’, That's what people want.
They think what they want to think. It’s
the truth. Regardless of what
people are always going to think the
negative things. That's just the way the
world is.

PLAYBOY: How about on the field? How
is the atmosphere in the Phillies’ dugout?
ROSE: Good. Wide-awake. Well, youre
rooting for each other and if you make a
good play, they're
other on the back. Y
the game—bein’ involved in the game.
The players should be out there root
for each other. They shouldn't be up i
the clubhouse during a game, drinkin’
ds during a game.
PLAYBOY: What do players talk about in
the dugout?

ROSE The game. The situation of the
game, Always. You don't talk about

where you're going to eat and shit like
that. You may do that if you're ahead
12-1 or something. A laugher. But in a
close ball game, th 5 strict attention to
what's going on.

PLAYBOY: Do you give advice or offer help
to players?

I always do. Every time I come

pitcher is throwing. If they're smart, they
listen to me.

PLAYBOY: Who's the most eccentric player
you

ever played with was Pedro Borbon.
He'll pitch his ass off any time they ask
him and if there's a fight, he'll be the
first one there. He's the type of guy if
he gets in a fight, you just have to kill
him to stop him. He don't give a shit
about nothin’. Just a nice, even-tempered
guy, but if you push the wrong way,
he's got that Latin temper and he can
get his dander up real good.

PLAYBOY: What are your feelings now
about being on first base?

ROSE: There's a lot of action there. Boy,
it’s fun. I'm getting more and more used
y day. I like the communication
there. The action part of it is nice. Hell,
you talk to the runners, the coach, the
umpires, the pitcher. You're ta

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PLAYBOY- Do you psych guys out when
they get on first bı
ROSE: No, you can’t psych major-league
ballplayers out.

PLAYBOY: What do you say on first base to
your visitors?

ROSE: I. just tell them nice hitting. What
kind of pitch was it? You want that one
back you fouled? Stuff like that. Kidding.
Having fun. I might ask them about
their family, ‘cause a lot of guys ask me
that
PLAYBOY: Such as "How's Karolyn;
ROSE: No, like how my little boy is. They
just talk about my boy, they don't talk
about how my wife is.

PLAYBOY: Do you have it a lot casier now
in the field, playing first b:
ROSE: Hey, tlie people who say first base is
easy are full of it. It's the most involved
position I've ever played. You make
рш-ошѕ, you hold the runners on base,
you work real close with the pitcher. You
don't have to have a ball even hit to you
and you get an casy 15 chances а game.
You never handle that many chances at
third base. Plus, you've gotta bust your
butt hustling over to be the cutofl man.
But it's fun.

PLAYBOY: What's the hardest thing you've
ever done in baseball? Was it your hit
ting streak?

ROSE: No, the hardest thing I ever had to
do was keep my edge during the 1975

world series against Boston. We were
rained out . .. what three straight
days? I guess that was good for the
league, ‘cause they got all that extra ink,
but it was tough on the players. FII
never forget a bus ride out to Tufts
University for those practices. There we
were, a major-league baseball team in
full uniform, sitting on a Greyhound
bus, stopping at a gas station to ask di-
rections to the school

PLAYBOY: Doesn't it all get to you after
a while, playing baseball every day with-
out rest?

ROSE: When you don't play games, you
lose your sharpness, You gotta play а
week, ten days straight to really find
your groove. When you play a game,
then sit around for two or three days, it
slows you down. If I set up the schedule,
Fd have all the Eastern clubs play on the
West Coast the first month. There's a lot
of things they could do to improve the
schedule. They could eliminate off days.
That way, they could start the season
two weeks later and end it two weeks

earlier. Weather wouldn't be as big a
factor, We don't need off days. I didn't
have an off day last year. Every day we

didn't have a game
What's the differenc
PLAYBOY: Alter a game, your locker looks
like a delicatessen on a Saturday morn-
ing. All those people waiting to talk to
you. Does that get to you?

1 worked out.

ROSE: Its been quite a challenge to get
my work done and still be cooperative
with the media. I could have been a bad
guy about it, but I'm not that way. 1
try to cooperate with everybody, but its
d to find peace. The games are the

asiest part. So you can get away from
all the questions. I wish they'd stop ask-
ing me about my salary. That's all any-
body ever talks about —money. In St.
Louis the other day, a group of fans
said they expected me to catch a ball
that was ten rows in the stands because
I was making $800,000 a year. It’s just
not fair. I didn't ask for anything. 1
turned down twice that amount.
PLAYBOY: What really makes the Phillies
your kind of team?
ROSE: Well, this team will entertain you
ays than any team in baseball
We have speed, long.ball power, great
defense, guys who are capable of pitch-
ing no-hitters, a great bull pen. And,
sure, I think we're gonn
more important, I think мете gonna
have fun. The old Reds team. we used
to have fun. Everybody
ting up. Did you sce the Reds when we
played them this spring? I stood around
the batting cage. I couldn't believe how
quiet it was. Nobody said a word. That's
not like the Reds. Morgan and those guys
were always yapping. There's just som
thing missing now.
PLAYBOY: Have you analyzed the Phillies’

win, but what's

was loose, cut-

93

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PLAYBOY

problems? The team seems to fold dur-
ing play-off games. What do you think?
ROSE: I don't know, they just ran into
bad breaks. They don't play with the
same aggressiveness in the play-offs that
they do in the season, it seems like. Why?
I don't know. It's just experience. If we
get in the series this year, things will be
all right.

PLAYBOY: And what if you don't make it
to the world series?

ROSE: Well, I can’t do everything
PLAYBOY: One of your trademarks is the
headfirst slide into first base. Have you
always done it that way?

ROSE: Yeah, always did it that way. I used
to practice that. I used to practice in the
swimming pool all the time, used to
always dive in the swimming pool like
that. Exactly like you're playing baseball.
That's about the only place you can
practice that without getting hurt
PLAYBOY: Why do you do that? Some
people think it's just to showboat.

ROSE: Showboat, shit. It's just the easy
way to slide and the fastest. And the
salest, I think.

PLAYBOY: Is that how you got the nick-
name Charlic Hustle?

ROSE: No, that came in 1963, in spring
training. Mickey Mantle and Whitey
Ford gave it to me because 1 ran to
first every time I got a walk.

PLAYBOY: What made you start that?

ROSE: Oh, my father brought that to my

attention one night. He just said that's
the way to play the game of baseball. You
play it hard. Always run. Have fun and
be happy.

PLAYBOY: That was the Hustle. When did
the Charlie come in?

ROSE. Back in those days, any time you
did anything, you know, you put Charlie
in front of it. Hotdog Charlie. Holly-
wood Charlie. Charlie Tuna. Anything.
PLAYBOY: Do you like that name?

ROSE: Yeah, that name's all right. The
image is OK, because it's not а phony
image. Its not something that 1 started
doing when I became a big-league base-
ball player. I can honestly say that the
reason that I run to first on a base on
balls is just that it's a habit. It's some:
thing Гуе been doing ever since I was
nine years old. I run to first if I'm 0 for
15 or if Im 15 for 15. I still run to first
on base on balls.

PLAYBOY: How about running to your
position? You've stopped doing that.
ROSE: I know how to conserve my energy.
I don't walk to my position. But I don't
sprint. I get out there and I look good
on the way.

PLAYBOY: Why do you think you are such
à consistent hitter?

ROSE: Well, there's a lot of reasons. I'm
a switch-hitter. 1 don't strike out. I know
how to hit. I hit the ball ro all fields.
"There's а lot of reasons why I'm a good
hitter. But when I give a hitting clinic,

the less you can talk about, the better
off you are. There's just three or four
different things you talk about—you
don't want to get a kid thinking about
15 different things. 1 just think if you've
got good eyes and strong hands, you can
be a good hitter if you practice.
PLAYBOY: OK, so a kid is up there ready
to learn how to hit. Tell us what you
would tell him.
ROSE; Well, aggressiveness. Swing and
get the bat out front, lift from the top.
Don't worry about your shoe, or your
fect or your knees or hip. Don’t worry
about anything. Your ribs, your shoul
ders. Don't worry about how you look.
Just go and hit the ball. Because it's
immaterial how vou look. The whole
secret to hitting is being comfortable.
"Then you just put the basics of get
ting the bat out in front and being
aggressive and being quick. You can't
tell а guy to swing at strikes only. Be
cause there's some guys if th
at strikes only, they wouldn't be aggres
sive. Roberto Clemente, if he swung at
strikes only, he'd have been a .230 hitter
But he was super, superaggressive. Yogi
Berra was another one. Bad-ball hitter
But a good опе. Joe Morgan swings at
nothing but strikes, and he's been suc
cessful that way. So, you know, whatever
you're successful at, that's what you
should do.
PLAYBOY: Is choking a mental thing?

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PLAYBOY

38

ROSE. Yeah, 75 percent. There's 15,000
different things that can go wrong as
you hit the baseball. and when you're
hitting the baseball, everybody knows
what you're doing wrong. All the experts
know. I do six things when I go in a
slump. I move back in the box, up in
the box, further away from the plate,
closer to the plate. Heavier or lighter bat.
I can tell what I'm doing wrong by the
flight of the ball. If I'm batting left-
handed and everything I'm hitting is
over the third-base dugout, I know it's
swinging late. If I'm fouling everything
down here, Pm swinging too earl
That's why before cvery game, I clean
at off. After I bat the first time. I go
1 look at my bat. I can see where
g wrong, where I'm hitting the
ball. I make adjustments when I'm not
at the plate hitting. Other guys don't
do that.

PLAYBOY: Are baseball players an unin-
telligent group of men? Are they dumber
n other groups of athletes?

ROSE: Oh. I don't know. I think baseball
players are some of the smarter guys. Be-
cause, you know, a lot of the football
and basketball players, when they have
college education, all their college educa-
tion is, is physical educati And base.
ball players get the education of hard
knocks, going through the minor leagues
and becom reet smart like me. You
know, they may not talk like it, put the
words together right. Just like me. 1 don't
talk good. but you understand everything
Tm saying. I think I have a vocabulary
d tone for getting things people under-
stand. Kids understand me. I
across to kids because I talk just like
them. I've listened to football players
and basketball players on interviews a
I don't know what the hell the:
ing. That don't mean they're stupid. I
can get up in front of a bunch of people
and I can have them laughing for a
half hour. But I have to—because I can
get $5000 for starters to do it.

PLAYBOY: You don't seem to be stup
when it comes to making money,

Rose: Well, nowadays you have to be
more conscious about what you are going
to have and what you are going to do
after you get out of baseball, You know,
20 years ago, 30 years ago, the old-time
ballplayers, they didn't worry about sav-
ing money. They didn’t worry about
what they were going to do when they
got out of baseball. But today, with the
prices the way they are
pected of you today, to be in a baseball
park, you have to be taught about what
is going to take place when your baseball-
playing days are over. You don't want to
play baseball your whole life and at the
age of 35, you have to pick up and get a
new job and don't have any money to
start in that job. So I think we are more
thinking about what is going to happen
when you are through playing.

1 what is ex-

PLAYBOY: Do you realize that you are only
playing a game?
ROSE: I realize it’s a game, but the odds
of tlie game are the win. You know, you
learn that in professional sports, you get
in trouble sometimes, when you say that
around kids, but winning is everything.
PLAYBOY: What kids are told is that win-
ning or losing isn't important; it's play-
ing the game that counts.
ROSE: It all depends on what kind of per-
son you arc. I mean, there are some guy
that just fall in the trend that they're
used to losing. Other guys—some guys
can't stand the pressure of playing on a
winning team. They can't. | mean, that's
what I was reading the other day. Т
didn't say it, but somebody was saying
the other day that they wondered how
Carew's reaction would be if he played
with the Yankees, a winning tcam. 1
don't know. There are some guys who
play—because there are some guys
who feel the pressures of being on a win-
ner every day, day in and day out. Any-
body can play on a last-place team.
Winning and losing is everything. T

—
“Winning and losing is
everything... . When
pavents say that it's not
important to my kid to
worry about winning and
losing, it's just not true."
ست ب‎

think you learn the differences in pro-
fessional sports. I think you should teach
it to kids, because winning and losing is
important in life or in sports or in
schoolwork or anything. T mean, if you
ad to worry about winning and losing
in school, vou wouldn't worry about
passing or flunking. I mean, winning or
losing is passing or flunki n't it? So
when parents say that it is not important
to my kid to worry about winning and
losing, it’s just not true.

PLAYBOY: But the bottom line today, past
who wins or loses, is how much money
you're paid to win, right?

ROSE: Well, I'm not in it to make every-
thing I can as fast as I can, just to make
fast buck. The guys in Atlanta offered
me $7,000,000 for four ycars—with some
conditions attached. That's pretty
ous. So I didn't get into this game to uy
to become independently wealthy over-
night. A lot of people seem to think
that. The Philly deal is a great deal. АП
the deals were deals. J couldn't 1
gone wrong with any deal And when
you start talking about friends on other
teams and personnel on other teams and
fans and ball parks, the Phillies lack

ave

nothing. Everything I looked at, the
[7 were right at the top. Fans, fan
appeal, ball club, personnel on the ball
club, the ball park, the ownership. Every-
thing I looked at for the Phillies was
positive. Now, Pittsburgh is a good ball
club, good ownership, good managen

No fans. No fan appeal. Nobody gocs
to the ball park.

PLAYBOY: Having all those people bid so
highly on. you must have swelled your
head a litle,

ROSE: I don't know why that should be.
The only difference between this year
and last year, or the only difference today
as compared with when I way nine years
old, I get just as dirty today playing ball
as I did when I was nine years old. The
only difference tos I make better
money. I wasn't a poor guy last year. Т
made almost $400,000. "That's not exact-
ly suffering. But I gotta play to make it
My philosophy is, I gotta prove to Philly
1 deserve it. That's the funny thing about
this game. No matter how old you are or
how good you are, you can hit -300 for 15
years and you get 38 years old and you
gotta prove to people that you're not
old. By hitting -300 this year. I've got to
prove to them next year that I'm not
going downhill. Because there's some
people who are just sitting there, waiting
for me to go downhill, so they can start
yelling at me.

PLAYBOY: What is your net worth? With
all the deals and endorsements you've got
going, do you really know how much
money you've got?

ROSE: I get a statement every three
months. But Pm not going to tell you
how much. It's not good to do that, be-
Giuse you get idiots who're kidnapers
sitting out. there, w g for that Kind
of stuff. But unless it's totally necessary,
I don't see the importance of putting a
specific figure in the paper. I mean, so
Im a millionaire ballplayer. OK. I mean.
everybody knows that. So what's the dif-
ference if I got 52,200,000 or $1,600,002
PLAYBOY: It’s a big difference from last
year, isn’t it?

ROSE: Oh, I made good money last year.
Well, 1 knew all that hard work and all
that busting my ass and everything was
going to pay off. I mean, the one reason.
besides pride, I guess, that I worked so
damned hard to get it is so I won't have
to worry about where I get my next meal
from. I've seen many, many of my friends
and guys I've played with, and they
don't even have a job. They're looking
for a job and their home is in hock and
their family is hungry. Once I sign the
contract, I forget about the money.
Money's not that important. It goes to
my financial advisor, anyway. I never see
a check.

PLAYBOY: How has your lifestyle changed?
Rose: None. Hasn't changed at all.
PLAYBOY: Nothing? Still buy the same
clothes?

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ROSE: My wife still shops at K Mart.
PLAYBOY: You have a Rolls-Royce.

ROSE: Well, you know, I don't try and be
a big shot because my wife drives a Rolls-
Royce. I think it's smart to buy a Rolls-
Royce rather than buying a Lincoln or
something—or a Cadillac every year and
losing $3000, $4000 on it. Get a Rolls-
Royce, you ain't going to lose no money.
PLAYBOY: How did you manage to become
an international media celebrity out of
Gi ati, Ohio?

ROSE: The reason for that is that I've
been very fortunate to have a lot of
things exciting happen to me on na-
tional TV. The fight with Harrelson
started the All-Star thing with Ray Fosse.
The world series, the hitting streak, you
know, all the magazine articles, covers of
Sport, Sports Illustrated. You know that
I've been on the cover of every maga-
zine. I mean, I've been on the cover of
Ebony!

PLAYBOY: You've become a highly mar-
ketable commodity, in other words?

ROSE: Other ballplayers don't understand
that that's why I got that big contract.
Because I'm recognizable. I'm market-
able. You know, Parker, [Jim] Rice,
Carew, those guys are wemendous ball-
players, but I mean, do you think they
deserve the money that I do? Because you
have to put more things in perspective
than just hitting the baseball. 1 mean,
Ted Turner, in Atlanta, wanted me to
play for his team so he could sell his TV
station. You know, the guy from Pitts-
burgh wanted me to play with their Pi-
rates so they could turn their attendance
around. The Phillies wanted to sign me
to a contract and surpass their all-time
record of season tickets by 5000. That
proves something to me, that somebody
thinks I'm marketable.

PLAYBOY: Is there a point where you
begin worrying that you might be over-
commercializing yourself?

ROSE: No, because if the stuff is credible
and it’s class, you can't be overexposed.
If you get attached to a nice bank or a
good supermarket, a good automobile
agency, oil company, you don't have to
worry about it. But baseball players as a
rule don't make a lot of money in com-
mercials. I mean, І do commercials for
Aqua Velva and I get paid pretty good.
But, hell, if I told you some of the sal-
aries that Bob Hope and those guys
get. . . . Because there's only опе Bob
Hope. If they don't want Pete Rose, if
he says no to Aqua Velva, they can get
Larry Bowa. If he says no, they'll go to
Dave Parker. "There's so many guys they
can get.

PLAYEOY: But one of the reasons you are
considered so marketable is that you're
a white athlete, wouldn't you agree?

ROSE: It has something to do with it.
Look, if you owned Swanson's Pizza,
would you want а black guy to do the
commercial on TV for you? Would you

Wouldn't miss the Reverend Judd's "Evils of Drink"
sermon for love nor money. Reckon when you're in the
home distillery business it pays to know what the
competition is thinking. So, one Sunday a year, me
and the boys head for town, done up in our best.
Which this year includes these fine looking new
Timberland handsewn shoes we've got on.
Latest thing from the folks who make our
boots that we wear for tending the mash
and making deliveries. Our Timberland
handsewns are made with real soft leathers >
and they will keep fitting right and

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looking natty for a long time ’cause they’re all hand
lasted and hand sewn. They are also leather lined and
got a padded collar so they’re nice and comfortable
over a long walk. Which is the way Reverend Judd
prefers us to arrive. Parking our delivery car outside
the church seems tomake the Reverend real nervous!

3 A whole line of fine leather boots
and shoes that cost plenty, and should.

‘The Timberland Company, Newmarket, New Hampshire 03857

101

PLAYBOY

102

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*Dolby is a registered trademark of Dolby Laboratories, Inc.

i Even though it had to be shi,
across the continent, it was worth shoe for. 2
Today, ihe taste of Early Times Is jus К |
ause we're still slou-distillin,
the same ш, 220 we did in 1860 when we n.
The pleasure hasn't B

É It's just easier toc by.
a

86 OR 80 PROOF * EARLY TIME DISTILLERY CO., LOUISVILLE, КҮ. O 1979.

like the black guy to pick up the pizza
and bite into it? Try to sell it? I mean,
would you want Dave Parker selling your.
pizza to America for you? Or would you
want Pete Rose?

PLAYBOY: Doesn't all that show business
interfere with your game?

ROSE: Oh, I don't do that shit during the
summer. No, once baseball starts, I don't
fool with it. I don't do no autograph
signings, no charitable work, none of
that stuff when the season starts. I'm not
going to mess up the hand that feeds the
mouth. I just play baseball in the sum-
mertime.

PLAYBOY: But off season, you seem to be
everywhere. What's next, the movies?
ROSE: I could have went into that last
year. I just didn't feel like it. What they
wanted me to do, it just seemed like a
lot of time and hard work for what they
were going to pay me.

PLAYBOY: What movie were you going to
be in?

ROSE: I was going to be a copilot in an
airplane cockpit. Something to do with
the Government. I didn’t get all the de-
tails, because I didn’t want to do it. I
don't need them. I didn’t need that film
publicity.

PLAYBOY: How about the new candy bar
you've come out with? Supercharg'r?
ROSE: Not candy. Don't put candy down
there. It's all natural. It don't have no
sugar.

PLAYBOY: Just lots of royalties.

ROSE: Yes, that could be the best royalty
I've ever got. I've had other bars—energy
bars. When you took a bite out of them,
you almost needed a glass of water to
wash it down, But you can substitute
them for a meal, too. They sell half of.
what the projection is, I'll make one and
a half times more than I do with the
Phillies.

PLAYBOY: Do you have a ball-park idea
of how many you think you'll sell?

ROSE: Some of the competitors sell
57,000,000 and they don't taste good. If
I sold 300,000,000 of those bars, I would
make $4,500,000 myself, just me. There's
no question about it. I can't wait.
PLAYBOY: So you're a pretty good money.
man. That must have helped you in your
negotiations with other teams.

ROSE: Yeah, 1 guess you could say I really
һай my pick.

PLAYBOY: What were some of the other
deals like, the ones you didn't take?
We've heard some outrageous stories.
ROSE. That ain't so outrageous. Ted
Turner, he's a real character. He wanted
to pay me 1,000,000 bucks a season for
the years I could play and then $100,000
a year for as long as I live. See, he owns
the TV station down there that carries
the Braves games. He figured he'd make
up the money easy in what they'd bring
in on bigger ratings.

PLAYBOY: Sounds good. Why didn’t you

m tellin’ you, I really wasn't in it
for the money. What could I have done
for the Braves? Make them a contender,
maybe. There's not much more one man
could do for that club. It was more im-
portant to me to play with a team that
could win the pennant, a team that could
take the world series,

PLAYBOY: But turning down $1,000,000 a
year?

ROSE: And that wasn't the only one. John
Galbreath, the Pirates’ owner, wanted to
make me a millionaire, too. He owns
Darby Dan Farm, too. He was going to
give me race horses. Brood mares, He
knows what a horse-race nut I am. He
was going to give me some mares to breed
with a couple of the best studs in the
world. You know what that would be
worth? You can't even put a price on
that. And the guy was going to pay me
$400,000 a year besides that.

PLAYBOY: That must have been hard to
turn down.

Rose: Yeah, and there was others, too.
Kansas City was offering me over

“Му problem over all these

years with contracts in Cin-

cinnati was that I am always
too fair."

$1,000,000 a year. And Augie Busch in
St. Louis was going to throw in a big beer
distributorship with his money. I really
coulda had my pick.

PLAYBOY: And you picked Philadelphia
for less money?

ROSE: Well, the money wasn't that much
les. And I got lots of friends on the
Phils. This team's got a first-class front
office. That meant a lot to me after what
happened in Cincinnati.

PLAYBOY: What exactly did happen?

ROSE: Well, I'll tell you, my problem over
all these years with contracts in Cincin-
nati was that I am always too fair. See,
some guys, if they want $100,000, they
ask for $500,000. If they want $50,000,
they ask for $80,000. You know, one year,
I wanted $100,000, I got $92,000. Another
year, I wanted $85,000, I got $75,000. I
asked for $50,000 and I got $36,000. І
never went over my head and then com-
promised. That's the way it should've
been done.

PLAYBOY: The president of the Cincinnati
Reds, Dick Wagner, seems to have been
a thorn in your side during negotiations
with the Reds, If he had come through,
would you still be a Red?

ROSE: I looked at Dick Wagner last year

what do you negotiate
a contract on?" “All right," he sai 's
consistency. Years of experience. Popular-
ity and statistics." And I said, "What the
hell do I lack in? On those four catego-
ries, what do I lack in as far as being
number one in America? Who's been
more consistent over a 16-year period
than me? Don't say Rod Carew, because
he's only been there 12 years. And stats.
Who's got the stats? Now, if you say stats
and a guy looks at me and says, well,
you've only got 150 home runs. That's
more than anybody in the history of the
National League for a switch-hitter.”
PLAYBOY: What did Wagner say to that?
ROSE: He didn't say nothing. What could
he say?

PLAYEOY: Does he have something against
you?

ROSE: Evidently. Maybe it's the flamboy-
ant style I have off the field. But he
should realize that all that does is sell
tickets.

PLAYBOY: Let us play the devil's advocate
for a moment.

ROSE: All right. You give me what you
think he's saying and I'll answer it.
PLAYBOY: He's got you under contract.
He's paying you $400,000 and you're
busting your ass and he knows it.
You're the big draw, Let's say 40,000
people come to a game. Now, if he dou-
bles your salary, you're not going to
double attendance for him.

ROSE: That's probably right.

PLAYBOY: You might not even add 10,000
more people a game.

ROSE: Well, look at it like this. Just like
the Phillies said. They sold 5000 more
seats in tickets per game this year.
PLAYBOY: But the Phillies didn't have you.
ROSE: No, you're misleading yourself. Be-
cause the Reds were not going to take
me from $400,000 to $800,000. The Reds
could've had me for $450,000. Four-five-
oh for the rest of my career. They would
not do it. Not $550,000, not $650,000,
not $750,000—$450,000.

PLAYBOY: And you would have been hap-
py with that figure?

ROSE: When I got my 3000th hit on May
fifth, the Reds decided to have a Pete
Rose Day, and my attorney, Reuven Katz,
said, "Mr. Wagner, why don't you give
Pete—for the fans on Pete Rose Day—
a career, nonguaranteed contract of
$450,000 a year?” Career nonguaranteed
contract. Wagner said, "Well, we don't
want to ncgotiate during the season." But.
a week before, he was negotiating with
Mike Lumm and his attorney and he had
a meeting set up for two wecks after that.
Which was later canceled because we
found out about it, So those are the dou-
ble standards I'm telling you about.
PLAYBOY: When was your next meeting
with Waguer?

ROSE: After the season was over, we go in.

105

PLAYBOY

106

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to see him and he says, “Well, that's just
a little bit too much." I said, “Well, OK,
if that's the way you feel, there's no rea-
son why I shouldn't just go through the
free-agent draft to see what other teams
think I'm worth.” Then we went to
Japan for exhibition games and the
draft took place. At no time in Japan did
the Reds ever try to negotiate with me.
So, finally, two days before Wagner
leaves to come back to the United States,
he says he'd like to have a meeting with
me when he gets back. I said, "Don't
worry about it. I will never sign another
contract before I talk to the Cincinnati
Reds." We get back and we go down and
have a meeting with him. Now, this is
almost two months after the season is
over, right? And we go in there and we
sit down, and he has an idea what these
other teams have offered. We say, "Well,
Dick, have you come up with anything?
What do you think?" You know what he
says? He says, "I haven't had time to
think about it." Been two months. It's
a Friday. He says hell get back to us
Sunday. He gets back to us Sunday. He
calls me and says, "I don't think we have
any common ground to negotiate with.”
And that was it. He's still on the $400,000
figure. Which is less money than he's
paying a couple other players on the
team. Now, is there any way possible you
can see it to be fair for me to be the
third-highest-paid player on Cincinnati's
team? They even had polls on TV in
Cincy. Should Pete Rose be the highest-
paid player on the Reds? You know,
should he make the most money? More
than any other player on the Reds? I
mean, that's a stupid question for any-
body to ask anybody.

PLAYBOY: Did Wagner realize he could
have gotten you for $50,000 more?

ROSE: Well what happened, Wagner
knew that he could've had me for
$430,000, $440,000 or $450,000 way back
in June. And he probably told his bosses
that. Now, all of a sudden, it's up to
$650,000. What's he gonna do, tell his
people he can get me for $650,000? Well,
theyll say, "Hey, you could've gotten
him for $450,000 three months ago. What.
the hell happened?" It makes him look
bad. So he just said, “The hell with it.
"Take a chance." Wagner took the chance
that I wouldn't have a good year. Do you
think he knew I was going to go on a
44-game hitting streak? Hc took a chance
and he lost.

PLAYBOY: How did that make you feel?
Hurt, pissed oft?

ROSE No, I can't be hurt because one
guy didn't like me. How can I be hurt?
PLAYBOY: Because he prevented you from
having what could have been a contin-
uous career—hometown boy, sticking
with one uniform. . . .

ROSE: Well, that's another thing that was
awful peculiar, as far as I'm concerned.

Here's a guy, Wagner, that’s an outsider.
I'm 16 years a Cincinnati Red. Louis
Nippert is a grand gentleman who owns
the Cincinnati Reds, 89 percent, or some-
thing like that. I negotiate with all these
guys I'm just telling you about. They
pick me up at the airport, they drive me
to their house, they negotiate and they
drive me back to the airport. Mr. Busch,
I negotiated with him four hours in the
hospital where he was in for a hernia
So, finally, I asked Mr. Wag-
fr. Wagner, why don't you
let me sit down and talk to Mr. Nippert?
He owns the team. He's from Cincin-
nati.” You know what he says? “You can
talk to him but not about money.” Then
doesn't it seem strange here that at no
time did I ever get to talk to the Cin-
cinnati Reds’ owner? I spent 16 years,
starting headfirst and playing anywhere
they wanted me to play.
PLAYBOY: Did Nippert try to contact you?
ROSE: Mr. Nippert made a quote in the
paper that no one ever asked him if I
could talk to him. I never once got to ne-
gotiate about my contract. And I used to
sit with him on the bus in Japan on the
way to the ball park and talk to him. Nice
fellow, great. But that just goes to show
you that in Cincinnati, Mr. Nippert has
nothing to do with what goes on with the
ball club. It's all Mr. Wagner.
PLAYBOY: Did you really want to finish
out your career in Cincinnati?
ROSE: Sure. I used to think, especially
when I went to St. Louis, I used to walk
to the ball park there. I used to dream
about having a statue like they've got of
Stan Musial down at the Reds' stadium.
I probably screwed that up now.
PLAYBOY: How has all the fuss affected
your wife? What is Karolyn like?
ROSE: Crazy. Funny personality. She's got
a better personality than I got. She gets
along better with people than anybody
I've ever seen. Very outgoing. Shell go
to a banquet, a baseball banquet, and
before we leave, she'll have already
kissed ten guys goodbye. I mean, nice to
see you again and you know. She's like а
Jewish person. You know, all they do is
kiss and shake hands.
PLAYBOY: Is that right?
ROSE: Yeah, you know it's true.
PLAYBOY: How do you keep your marriage
together? Obviously, there have been
rocky times.
ROSE: I don't worry about it. Nothing
bothers me. If I'm home in bed, I sleep.
If I'm at the ball park, I play baseball.
If Im on my way to the ball park, I
worry about how I'm going to drive. Just
whatever is going on, that's what 1 do. I
don't worry about a bunch of things.
PLAYBOY: Is Karolyn a good baseball
wife?
ROSE- She's a perfect baseball player's
wife. Yeah. She went to a Cincinnati
wrestling match and refereed the match

Only from the Camel Filters = -
blend of Turkish and LIO RETE -
,fobacos ..

PLAYBOY

between the Sheik and Bobo Brazil, and
she came home, I swear to God—she had
a sweat suit on, and she had, on one side,
all the way down one side, nothing but
blood on her pants. I mean, real blood.
PLAYBOY: She really got into it?

ROSE: Oh, man, they threw a chair and
it just missed her. She had blood all over
the damn place. She had fun.

Karolyn is understanding. She knows I
go on road trips. She knows I am going
to be away from home half the time. And
she is a great mother, great housekeeper.
She has got her own personality. She is
outgoing, with a great personality. I
guess marriagewise, her best enemies are
her friends.

PLAYBOY: Why? Do they tattle on you?
ROSE: Because a lot of people have a
tendency to think they know everything
that goes on about me. They don't know
nothing. So a lot of people always talk
about hearsay. And they can't wait to
tell her about hearsay. And hearsay can
start more trouble than anything.
PLAYBOY: Karolyn told us that she has
called you on the road and not been
able to find you; she said she presumes
you are screwing around. She seems to
make a joke out of it.

ROSE: Well, she wouldn't make a joke
about it. But she will take it. She won't
say nothin’. She knows what I like for
her to say or not to say.

PLAYBOY: Doesn't sound like much of an
example as far as equality goes. What
about kids? Do you think much about
the example you set for them?
ROSE: You mean in baseball?
PLAYBOY: Not necessarily. How
other areas—such as drugs?

ROSE: I have never been on drugs.
PLAYBOY: No one ever passed a joint at
a party?

ROSE: I have been around where there
has been, but I never did. I always worry
too much if I do, something like that
and some guy with a camera takes my
picture or they arrest me. I have got too
much to lose for something like that.
PLAYBOY: Cocaine has become the play-
time drug of the major leagues, accord-
ing to a PLavnoy poll What do you
think about your teammates’ using it?
ROSE: Jt is OK with me, You know all
of my teammates don't do it. I hope the
guys who I play against do it. I don't
give a shit. It is just going to make my
job easier.

PLAYBOY: What if you found out that par-
ticular teammates were doing it?

ROSE: I'd try to straighten them out. And
I would try to make them see the light.
I mean, I am no Elmer Gantry. Even
though I don't hang in bars and drink
or nothin’. I mean, I'd try to make them
see the light. In everything you do, there
is a right way to do something and a
wrong way to do something. And just ex-
plain it to them the right way with-

about

108 out . . . I forgot the word . . . you know

Im not—I don't disagree with every-
thing—I am not a pure person.

I guess I heard some of the guys I used
to play with did cocaine or marijuana
and I tried to talk to them, but, you
know, I can think of a couple of guys
that should have listened to me. ‘Cause
they are under 30 and they are out, they
are gone now, looking for jobs.

PLAYBOY: A lot of guys say they need an
amphetamine, or two or three before a
game. What do you think?

ROSE Well, a lot of guys might think
that there are certain days you might
need a greenie, an upper.

PLAYBOY: Would you take one?

ROSE: I might. I have taken stuff before.
PLAYBOY: What stuff?

ROSE: A painkiller when I had a bad arm.
You know, just, it’s not against the law
to do that. Е

PLAYBOY: No. We mean something to
pick you ир.

ROSE: Well, that would get you up.
PLAYBOY: Have you taken greenies?

ROSE: Weil, I might have taken a greenie
last week, I mean, if you want to call it

“A lot of guys might think
there are days you might
needa greenie, an
upper. ...I might have
taken а greenie last week.”

a greenie. I mean, if a doctor gives me
a prescription of 30 diet pills, because I
want to curb my appetite, so 1 can lose
five pounds before I go to spring tra
ing, I mean, is that bad? I mean, a doctor
is not going to write a prescription that
is going to be harmful to my body.
PLAYBOY: It depends on your body.

ROSE: So a greenie can be a diet pill.
"E hat's all a greenie is, is a diet pill. Am
I right or wrong? I know I am right.
An upper is nothing but a diet pill.
PLAYBOY: But would you use them for
anything other than dieting?

ROSE: There might be some day when you
played a double-header the night before
and you go to the ball park for a Sunday
game and you just want to take a diet
pill just to mentally think you are up.
You won't be up, but mentally you might
think you are up.

PLAYBOY: Does that help your game?

ROSE: It won't help the game, but it will
help you mentally. When you help your-
self mentally, it might help your game.
PLAYBOY: You keep saying you might take
agreenie. Would you? Have you?

ROSE: Yeah, I'd do it. I've done it.
PLAYBOY: Have you ever found homo-
sexuality among baseball players?

ROSE: I have never heard anything men-
tioned about any homosexual in baseball.
Either on my team or on the opposing
team. So I know nothing about it. 1 read
about it on football teams, but I don't
know.

PLAYBOY: Psychologists have claimed that
there are homosexual tendencies in every-
thing athletes do—patting and hugging.
Do you agree?

ROSE: I disagree with it. When the shot
is from under the butt, it is just a good
place to slap because of the way your
hand is. Your hand is right there, I mean.
In hockey, they do that, too, They also
hit each other on the head. Well, most
guys pat guys on the butt because they
already passed them. We always hit each
other on the hand. But you can't hit a
guy on the hand if he has already walked
by you, so the only place to hit—there is
only one place to hit him. I disagree
with that stuff. They want me to be that
way, that is why they say that. You can’t
tell me. Because J hit more guys on the
butt than anybody. They're going to say
that I have homosexual ways. I just
scream at them. I just say that is stupid.
PLAYBOY: There's just one more topic to
talk about, and that’s the paternity suit
filed against you by Terryl Rubio, the
young woman in Florida who says she
had your baby.

ROSE: I ain't gonna say nothin’ about
that. You're wastin’ your time even
askin’ me.

PLAYBOY: Why won't you talk about it?
ROSE: It's nobody's business. It's private.
PLAYBOY: Private? It's been on national
television and in every newspaper in the
country. And there are a lot of people
in baseball who've told us that you
spent much of last season traveling
around with the girl while she was preg-
nant. You didn't seem to be hiding it
then. How can it be so private? Do you
deny the allegation now?

ROSE: Look, you can say anything you
want, ‘cause you ain’t gonna get nothin’
from me.

PLAYBOY: Then let's go on and finish the
interview. There are still a couple of
things we'd like to clear up.

ROSE: What the hell more do you need?
I've already talked to you for weeks.
PLAYBOY: We know that; we made that
clear to you from the outset. You're the
one who has canceled appointments and
stood us ир.

ROSE: Well, it’s finished. I don't want to
talk to fuckin’ reporters anymore.
PLAYBOY: Why? You made such a point of
how you always cooperate with the press.
ROSE: Look, I know what you're gonna
ask me and J ain't gonna talk about that
shit. So why bother me? "That's personal
shit, man.

PLAYBOY: So the interviews over?

ROSE: Fuckin' right it is.

A short course in
Bonded Bourbon.

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rand-Dad is must be 100 proof.
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in Bond
underU.S.
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supervision.

4

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You need only one
sip to recognize
the clearly superior
quality and taste of
ld Grand-Dad.
- Cheers!

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Bonded is authentic
Kentucky sour-mash
Bourbon, made with
clear limestone water,
the finest grains,
and aged m new
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Only Bonded
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tax stamp. It's your guar-
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Old Grand-Dad Bonded is
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Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey: 100 proof
Bottled in Bond, Old Grand-Dad Distillery Co., Frankfort, Ky. 40601

no

for those
organizations
whose
product

15 arson,
business has
never

been hotter

article ByJAMES MCKINLEY

HE HAD WORKED in (his nice mid-
American town for several years, I'd
been told. He was firmly allied
with the city’s ruling Mafia clan,
doing odd jobs—paper scams, most-
ly—such as running the bookmak-
ing operations. He'd been suspected
of heavier crimes, too, including
arson. But although the police, the
FBI, the Department of Justice,
insurance investigators and prose-
cutors were sure he'd burned things,
he'd never been convicted. Until
recently, his official business had
been running a disco, and that's
where I met the man I'll call Len-
ny Ajax one morning just after
closing.

Siale smoke, booze fumes, body
odor and perfume hung in the air.
It was a slick place, with fancy
furnishings and high overhead, the
sort of place that burns when busi-
ness falls away, as this joint had a
few months before. I told Ajax 1
just wanted information; I didn’t
want to put anybody in jail. He
laughed. A Federal indictment for
bank fraud had landed on him
three weeks before. Now he sat in
the gloomy vapors silhouetted by
the red fire-exit sign. In his mid-
30s, stocky and muscular, with
dark disco-frized hair, he seemed

FIRE FOR HIRE

like one of Hogarih's bluff and
hearty villains come to life. Except
that when you asked questions,
Ajax’ eyes narrowed so that his
head looked like a bunker,

"How many fires have you set?"
I asked.

“Who said I set fires?”

“I heard it, but I wouldn't tell
you where, just as I wouldn't tell
‘anyone who you are.” This is called
covering your ass.

“About twenty,” he said.

“Tell me about some."

“The biggest was a warehouse,
down by the river. Guy wanted the
insurance and to get new stock, so
we burned it. It was simple—just
some gas in leaking jugs and a

ILLUSTRATION BY TOM EVANS

PLAYBOY

112

candle. He got the money.”

“How about you?"

“I got some, too. I've also burned
things for nothing, as a favor.”

“What kind of things? For whom?"

“Houses. If а friend wants a new house
or needs money, ГЇЇ burn something for
him.”

“Such as?”

“A restaurant. A bar. You don't have
to take "em down. Do it right and you'll
cause enough damage to get the money
and then you rebuild. Or get a new
partner.”

“Did your fires ever hurt anybody?”

“No. Killing people's dumb. You want
to burn when nobody's around.”

“What do you feel when you see some-
thing burning that you've set?”

“I don't sce it. I'm long gone. In Vegas
or somewhere.”

“You don't feel anything?”

“What's to feel? Its just a piece of
brick. Arson don't hurt anybody except
insurance companies. And who, your
average citizen, doesn't like to fuck in-
surance companies?”

б

The young mother lies beneath the
burglar-barred window leading to the fire
escape. She cradles an infant in each arm.
The three are charred, stiff—fired like
stoneware in the last rictus of death by
flame. One baby’s mouth presses his
mothers blackened breast, The other
child's is open, caught in mid-scream.
One small tooth gleams. Six feet away,
under the kitchen table's skeleton, are a
boy and a girl, about 11 and 12, hiding
there, they thought, and reaching for each
other. Their charcoal hands now touch in
last communication. Three feet farther
on, three smaller children make a clump,
their basted bodies fused like amber wax.
Their seared skin flakes off when the fire
fighters, hiding their pain in gallows
humor, call them crispy critters and,
averting their eyes, put the charred re-
mains into the body bags.

Twenty-one died in that fire in Ho-
boken, New Jersey. They were murdered
by an arsonist. At 3:30 A.M, someone
splashed gasoline in a first-floor hallway
and tossed a match. Someone as yet un-
known. With an unknown motive. The
arsonist could have been seeking revenge
on some of the 12in-aroom East Guy-
anese and latino tenants; it’s estimated
that at least half this nation’s yearly
200,000-plus arson fires are set to avenge
ined wrong. lt could have

been a pyrom:
About one in ten arsons is. Maybe the
arsonist was a kid fevered by street-punk.
glory, or perhaps he was someone lashing
out at a landlord in ghetto desperation:
Vandals set 20 percent of the nation’s
arson fires.

But if this murderous blaze was part

of arson's fastest-growing category, then
the buildings owner—or his hired
torch—set the fire. To collect insurance.

Five tenements like that one went up
in northern New Jersey within three
months, killing more than 50 people. АП
were insured, and if national trends
hold, the owners will have collected their
claims, since fewer than 20 percent of
the claims are rejected, arson or not.
Only about two percent of arson in
dents result in a conviction because, un-
like other crimes, to prove arson, you
must prove both the crime (the set fire)
and the criminal—the arsonist as cither
hired agent or owner of the structure.

Thomas E. Kotoske, attorney in charge
of the Organized Crime Strike Force in
San Francisco and a fierce arson investi-
gator, flatly says that “arson is the tough-
est Case 10 prosecuti As a result, in
many locales, the greenest or most lack-
adaisical prosecutors are assigned to arson
cases, because, as one arson investigator
put it, "Arson cases are hell оп your
won-lost record." Even fewer convictions
are returned in arson-for-profit cases, in
which the link between crime and crimi-
nal must be completely taut.

Unfortunately, several other factors
usually make the linkage loose, Among.
them:

- an insurance system inviting fraud.

* undermanned, underfinanced, under-
ined arson-investigation agencies.

* the difficulty of detecting arson, espe-
cially when torches use sophisticated
techniques such as time devices to remove
themselves from the scene of the crime, or
other methods to conceal the fire's origi
(See box, page 250.)

+ a public whose ati
has been, "So what? It’s only property.”
Until Congress recently acted, arson
wasn't even the same category of crime
as auto theft, despite the fact that it kills
about 1000 people per year.

+ shrewd, resourceful criminals deter-
mined to take advantage of all such
weaknesses.

Little wonder that arson for profit is,
according to the insurance industry and
law-enforcement officials, one of the coun-
туз hottest growth industries, a nearly
risk-free crime that lets bodies and build-
ings fall where they may. How big is this
racket? How costly? How does it work?
Who's doing the burning? And what, if
anything, is being done, or can be done,
to stop il

First things first. In terms of raw num-
bers, arson for profit is very big.
and police officials estimate that nearly
50,000 fires a year are set with the ex-
press purpose of collecting insurance,
costing insurance companies upwards of
$350,000,000.

‘To understand how arson for profit
works, one has first to understand a bit

about the current state of the fireinsur-
ance business. It has problems. The first
is that the United States’ insurance in-
dustry, unlike Canada's, as yet has no
computerized registry to retrieve and
cross-reference data on where the fires are
popping up and who owns the particular
buildings. The U.S. insurance companies
are currently putting together such sys-
tems at the state level and hope to hook
up a comprehensive national registry in
1980. Even so, dummy real-estate owner-
ship can render such data meaningless.
Furthermore, since no reliable cross-
reference system yet exists among com-
panies, someone can insure with several
companies in succession. He can deny or
even admit to previous fires. One person
in Kansas City who periodically collected
tidy fire sums actually told an insurance
investigator that his occupations were
“used-car dealer, real estate, gambling,
arsor

In any case, the insurance company is
usually liable. That's because most states
have some sort of “bad faith” insurance
law, a statute designed to protect the
public from shaky insurance operators by
requiring a company to pay claims within
a short time after they're filed (say 30 to
90 days) or face big punitive claims.

In some states, a company that fails to
settle in the allotted time must pay three
times the claimed loss; and in a few
states, the company must pay a percent-
age of its total assets. A known arsonist
in California received $1,500,000 in dam-
ages that way, after his insurance com-
pany refused to pay a $25,000 fire claim.
Most insurance firms would rather pay
than fight, especially on small claims (un
der $100,000, though some now will fight
claims as low as $25,000). This merely
encourages the arson business, as evi-
denced by the dramatic increase in small-
claim fires, for which, as one insurance
executive said, the companies "pay off
like a slot machine.

The arsonist goes where the going's
icst. The consumer pays the freigh
The fare is increased by another insu
ance-company handicap. In many states,
it also constitutes bad faith for the
surer's investigators to share their intelli-
gence with law-enforcement officers. In
several states, large judgments have been
granted to arsonists in civil cases—despite
their conviction of arson in criminal
court—on the basis that the arsonists’
right to privacy, according to the Federal
Privacy Act of 1974, was breached by
information sharing.

Yet even those regulations pale beside
the greatest current incentive to arson:
the Federally mandated Fair Access to
Insurance Requirements plan (FAIR).
Enacted in the aftermath of the urban
burns of the Sixties, notably the one in

(continued on page 170)

"Not here, darling! Nobody's watching!"

13

SEX IN AMERICA:

New Orleans

= down there in the sultry bayou
country, they like their sex like they like
- their oysters—raw and slippery
Moria By Peter Ross Range

| MARDI GRAS, io. You remember: the one they uc

girls are obliging a street

лош y your tits, show your tits!
heir sweaters one side at a time, shot
one by one, then finally two by b

O LUCKY
PERRES (s
D SEX SHOPS
3) LE БУТКО
@ TTS WEST
J © CHARLENE 5
© PARADE D5CO-
BPURBSN PUB
/ CD CARUSEL LUNGE-
SESTE ESNE HETEL
УУ O RYALS NESTA HTEL
Y / ©) CAFE LAE TIEN EALE
AE. ELLWEST THEATRE

(B) ГЕ\НС°ГТ® CLLEGE
ГА © AUDUBSN PARK
© ST CHARLES STREETCAR
/ © BUREN ORLEANS RANADA £

so to speak. As soon as one girl
takes her sweater off altogether,
the mob chant changes to “Show
your pussy!" She immediately be-
gins unzipping her pants, but her
lower parts are obscured by the
large dark-blue banner hung over
the railing: wisconsin MARDI GRAS
HQ., it reads, Suddenly, her boy-
friend comes up behind her, jerks
her pants down to her ankles and
hoists her upside down over his
shoulder, giving thc crowd a good
view of, well, more ass than pussy.
Then he spins her around and
reappears in more or less the same
pose but with his head between
her kicking legs in simulated cun-
nilingus. Crowd most happy.

In the French Quarter, four guys
have rigged a costume that amounts
to one great big penis. They run
around the streets like
ing a dragon dance. The fourth
guy is carrying two large, brown
stuffed garbage baj
The dragon cock makes fine sport
of charging at a startled woman,
then squirting her with a м
pistollike device mounted in the
penis head.

On the balcony at the Bourbon
Orleans, a man and a woman are
throwing plastic beads and dou-
bloons to the crowd. But they do
it with a twi Each bead and
each play coin makes isit to
the lady's obviously lubricious p
vate parts before sailing down to
the drunks below.

On a private balcony on a side
street, one lady gives simultaneous
hand jobs to two men standing
beside her, facing the crowd: One
guy is black, the other white.

On the balcony of the cushy
Royal Sonesta Hotel, one thing
Jeads to another until one couple,
to the ecstasy of the mob below,
actually copulates

.

New Orleans is outrageous—
beautiful, brassy, classy, sleepy,
snooty, permissive, tacky, filthy, ele-
gant and grand, New Orleans is a
whore; New Orleans is a soft driz-
zle; New Orleans is two guys su
ing one girl's tits on a Bourbon
Street balcony during Mardi
Gras; (textcontinued on page 124)

The city fathers of New Orleans tend
to write off the French Quarter (see
map on opposite page) and Mardi
Gros as tourist attractions. The guys
end dolls shown here may have been
from aut of town, but they were ob-
viously enjoying this yeor's Mordi
Gras—the one the some city fathers
soid didn't happen. Vive New Orleans!

Since we first uncovered her in 1969, playmate of the year
claudia jennings has gone on to become queen of the b movies.
here she is a decade later, still looking sensational. hail to the queen!

CLAUDIA RECAPTURED

pictorial essay
By BRUCE WILLIAMSON

to Los Angeles. Since then, Claudia Jennings, who went on to become Playmate of the

Year, has never had to look back. That's not surprising, since Claudia obviously looks

even better than she did when she began to build her rep as queen of the Bs by playing

some baaaad mommas in movies such as Unholy Rollers and Truck Stop Women. Her

latest are such hell-on-wheels epics as last year's Deathsport, with David Carradine, and the

new Canadian-made Fast Company. Somewhere in between, after a big broken romance

18 followed by a period of readjustment and a brand-new man, (text concluded on page 176)

ik EN YEARS AGO, she used the money she had earned as a Playmate to move from Chicago

PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARIO CASILLI
CLOTHING DESIGNED BY PATTY FERRY

s

Under the sophisticated veneer, Claudia sees
herself as a quiet girl. ‘In the movies, even as a
Dynamite Woman, | was always the heart-of-gold
type. I'm gentler, calmer than peaple think. Here

I tried to be more sensuous and personal than I'd
ever dared to be in frant of a camera before."

Claudia’s last session with photagrapher Mario
Casilli was far Claudia Observed (December 1974).
This time, says she, their aim was "'to take really
pretty pictures in tough clothes. To be tough

in leather is obvious and boring . .. ta look a

little vulnerable is nice." Mission accamplished.

Working with leather frightened Claudia initially. “In private life, | never wear
leather, never even wear black. I'm nat heavy into S/M. Honest, when they first put
that cat-a'-nine-tails in my hand, | didn't know what it was for. Sa | ate it."

PLAYBOY

124

SEX IN NEW ORLEANS (continued from page 117)

“When nol swaying or dancing, the girls don see-
through tops and hustle drinks and tips.”

New Orleans is semitropical
courtyards hung with wister
Orleans is oysters and sex.

The sexual climate of New Orleans i
18th Century romantic, Mediterranean
macho, New World topical. New Or-
1 descends directly from the Colonial
concubinage tradition. Unlike most of
America, New Orleans is Continental
European, not English. Beyond the cul-
tural heritage, there is the sensuous lush-
ness of a city shaded perennially by
enormous live oaks hung sleepily with
Spanish moss, dotted with palmettos and
scented by the overwhelmingly aphro-
disiac fragrance of green-olive and tulip
trees. With the seething intimacy of the
French Quarter, the condo/disco mad-
ness of Fat City and the lush grandeur of
exclusive uptown Garden District man-
sions, New Orleans has the makings of a
lifestyle more attuned to sensuous fulfill-
ment than to professional achievement;
New Orleans is dedicated more than any
other American city to the pursuit of
pure pleasure. It may have the highest
sexual temperatu the country,

The French Quarter is the overt em-
bodiment of New Orleans’ exceptionally
unabashed sexuality. Sex is the chief
theme of Bourbon Street, whose shopwin-
dows are hung with five-dollar T-shirts
emblazoned with sexual clichés: 1* сор
HAD NOT MEANT FOR MAN TO EAT PUSSY,
HE WOULD NOT HAVE MADE IF LOOK so
MUCH LIKE A 1 and FOUR OUT OF FIVE
DENTISTS RECOMMEND ORAL SEX. Hoarse-
throated hawkers promote half a dozen
go-go girlie shows (G string and
required) and the legendary Gunga Den
female impersonators’ show, which may,
in fact, have the best-looking girls (boys)
in town. One go-go joint has a pair of
(wooden) girl's legs protruding through
the window curtain every two seconds;
inside, one of the nearly naked dancers
ten-minute turn lying on her
g back and forth on a
pallet suspended over the bar and sur-
rounded by mirrors. When not swaying
or dancing, the girls don see-through
tops and hustle drinks and tips ("Wanna
give me a dollah for mah dancing,
mistahz").

Bourbon Street also includes seven sex-
ual novelty shops owned by Ruth Ann
Menutis, who sells over 2500 pairs of
asties every month, "mostly to tourists
wl conventioneers, but we also supply
about 30 strippers." The Ellwest Theater
is the street's heart of hard-core porn:
19 large-screen booths in a dean setting

attract even couples to watch the rawest
things coming out of California these
days.

‘The backside of the French
from St. Ann Steet all the way into the
adjacent Faubourg Marigny neighbor-
hood—is the home of one of the most
cohesive gay communitics in America.
No fewer than 40 gay bars, restaurants
nd clubs (including three gay baths)
dot the arca, serving а well-organized р;
community (estimated at about 100,000
persons). Dancing at the Parade Disco
above the Bourbon Pub, cruising for sex
at Jewel's on Decatur Street or just sur-
veying the general decadence im tight
jeans and leather jackets from the bal-
сопу at the Cafe Lafitte In Exile, New
Orleans gays intensity the pervasive sen-
ity of the city where Tennessee W
liams and Truman Capote felt at home
decades ago.

New Orleans leads a double life. Wh
the French Quarter is blatantly hed
tic, the lition-minded burghers of the
merican sector" who run the businesses
west of Canal Street at least go through
the motions of propriety and conser
tism. Theirs are the stately homes that
fill the Garden District and theirs are the
sons who sow the wild oats at Tulane
University [sce box, page 222]. Theirs
are the yotes that got the Superdome
Into: New Orleans and thi the ant
antilack rules that keep the
alls exceedingly
al.

Yet the city’s aristocracy is obviously
not immune to the sensuous lures of New
s. The pillars of respectability
have traditionally been among those
patronizing such legendary French Quar-
ter madams as Norma Wallace, who re-
tired in 1965 after 40 yeas in the
business. It is the community leaders who
take their clients to the barstool ladies at
the Carousel Lounge in the Monteleone
Hotel on Royal Street and to Lucky
Pierre's on Bourbon Street. And it is the
newly rich who today maintain private
mnysting places within the maze of court-
yard apartments in the French Quartei

The complex sexual kaleidoscope of
New Orleans includes the “free people
of color"—the city’s inordinately large
community of fairskinned, educated,
middle-class blacks. UN Ambassador An-
drew Young descends from this world,
and so docs Ernest "Dutch" Morial, the
city’s first black mayor. Like the whites,
a strikingly large proportion of New
Orleans blacks are Catholic, well married

Quarter—

le

athers of large families (Morial, for
stance, has five children). Yet, like the
whites, the blacks fancy themselves b.
ers of the macho standard in the Medi-
terranean South, Stories of prominent
Dlacks patronizing the white ladies of the
evening in Lucky Pierre's (and in the
ranks of political election-campaign vol-
ntcers) are legion in New Orleans, “The
lightskinned blacks are the sexiest men
town,” says one young white woman

atly. Music to their cars.
SINGLES
New Orleans is an all-night town.
When Atlanta and. Miami are beginning

to shut down, New Or
up. The bars that close at all close at
four a.M. "I just put a pillow over my
face for 30 minutes, then I'm ready to
ty.” explains David Marcello, a young
urded man in corduroys. He is sipping

bi
whiskey at midnight in a funky

music bar called Tipitina's on Tchoupi
toulas Street in a dingy wharf district
outside the French Quarter. Marcello just.
happens to be executive counsel to М
Morial. During the heat of last winter's
police strike, Marcello was a principal ne
gotiator for the city team. Yet no one
thinks it at all amiss that one of the city’s
top lawyers, after a 12-hour stint in the
office, should be out drinking at mid-
night. "They know they can always reach
me at Tipitina’s,” laughs Marcello.
in New Orleans? Sure, it's everywl
polymorphous perversity!

"M 1 arrived in Dallas at two
morning and wanted some sex,” explains
Eddie Sapir, New Orleans only long-
haired, cowboy-booted munici
who drives a white Cadillac convertible
“1 would have to get out my address book
and start making calls. In New Orleans,
everybody is still out at two.” Sap
telling me this duri
that begins at 11:30 rM. in а posh, dual-
discoed bar and restaurant called The
Forty One Forty One, continues to the
fancy digs of Georgie Porgie's disco in
the Hyatt Regency Hotel opposite the
Superdome, onward to La Boucherie, a
crowded second-floor bar and disco in the
French Quarter, which gives free drinks
to the ladies on Thursday nights. The
marathon finally ends near four aat. with
one more round at the superhooker wa-
ing hole of Lucky Pierre's. Lucky
s is where even those not looking
for ladies come for an after-hours meal.
Breakfast on Lucky's patio is said to be
better than brunch at Brennan's, but
Lucky's closes at seven A.X. We are not
looking for ladies: Sapir, also a boxing
promoter and pal of Joe Namath, Billy
Martin and the like, has on his arm to-
night one of the finest examples of pul-
chritudinous Southern womanhood not
yet in the movi

the

(continued on page 218)

“And this is Miss Eaton, whom you or nobody else
is going to talk me into giving up."

126

T'S ONE-FIFTEEN,” the man in the
green-corduroy jacket said. "He was
supposed to be here at one. My ap-
pointment was for one o'clock.

‘The man said this to a middle-aged
woman who was sitting at a desk on the
other side of the plushly decorated recep-
tion room. The woman was sitting so that
she faced away from the man, and she
answered him without bothering to turn.

“The production office said һе was on
his way over herc now," she said. "I'm
sure he won't be long. Why don't you sit
down, doctor?

"I don't feel like sitting down,’
man who was the doctor said.

As if to emphasize this, he moved away
from a comlortablelooking wing chai
and stepped over to the windows that
looked out—from the second floor—onto
the back lot of Paramount Pictures.
Directly outside there were three anony-
mous-looking office buildings arranged in
a horseshoe around a small park; two
attractive women were sitting on a bench
in the middle of this area with their shoes
off and their faces inclined to the after-
noon sun.

“People think that when we come up
here, we have all day to spend,” the doc-
tor said. “People have no concept of time
here."

‘The woman at the desk looked over at
the man, but only briefly. She quite
evidently did not like him. “I'm certain
that he's on his way," she said.

‘The doctor gave her a humorless smile.
“I know this man,” he said. “This man is
irresponsible. "This man docsn't keep
appoinunents.”

“But he knew you were coming,” the
woman

"No," the man said, cutting her off.
е wouldn't care at all about something.
like this. It would be the last thing on his
mind."

The doctor looked outside again; he
was suddenly furious. He observed the
people passing below as if they had of
fended him personally. “You'll have to
make another appointment,” he said. "I
don't have time to waste like this. T'I
have to come back.”

He took his car keys from his jacket
pocket and put on г of sunglass
“You're going to be billed for this vi
the doctor said. “One hundred dollars.
And another hundred dollars for the re-
turn visit. Is that understood?”

The telephone rang and the woman
reached across her desk to answer it, “Mr.
Nolte's office," she said. She listened for
a moment. "No, I'm sorry, he's not, but

the

hes on his way. He should be here
shortly."

“On his way," the doctor said. “I'll
bet.”

He picked up a heavy-looking black
satchel that was sitting nearby on the
geometric-patterned carpeting. "Call my
secretary,” he said, and walked out the

‘The woman at the desk put down the
telephone. She stared after the doctor in
the green-corduroy jacket with undis-
guised hatred.

She was still staring at the door when
it opened and Nick Nolte walked in; he

NICK NOLTE
HANGS TOUGH

in the star business, sometimes
you have to be a little berserk—
to keep from going berserk

personality
By OCONNELL DRISCOLL

was wearing Шис jeans, cowboy boots, a
black warm-up jacket with gold trim and
an Oakland Raiders training cap. Не
had a long, full mustache and a two-day
growth of beard.

“Hey, Barbara!” he said. "What's hap-
pening?”

The woman rose to her feet. "You just
missed the doctor,” she said, “You prob-
ably walked right by him.

Nolte pointed over his shoulder to the
hallway. “That guy?” he said. “How
come he didn’t say anything?”

“He was angry that you were late,” the
woman said.

“Oh,” Nolte said. He nodded to hi
self but did not appear disturbed. "T
guess he couldn't hang out, huh?"

"He was so rude," she said. "He said
that you were an irresponsible person
who didn't keep appointments."

"Yeah?" Nolte said. He smiled. “Well,
he's right."

He took a couple of giant steps side-
ways, grabbed a script off a small table
and began looking through it.

“He also said that he was going to have
to come back (continued on page 132)

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Which means that a sauna is 4 time

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The tools are familiar. Fricti

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horsehair scrubber isn't a bad substitute,
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PLAYBOY

NICK NOLTE ooo

“It was all my fault. I admit it. Ill tell the geek

I'm sorry when he comes back. . . .

درد

for another appointment and that we'd
have to pay him for coming today," Bar-
bara said. She sat down at her desk.
“What a creep.”

Nolte looked up from the
Barbara,” he said. “Just relax and take it
casy, now. It was all my fault, I fucked
it up. I admit it. Il tell the geek I'm
sorry when he comes back, so . . . you
know . . . just call him up or something."
He tossed the script back onto the table.
“Do whatever.”

He took off his cap and ran his hand
quickly through his hair. “I can't have
a physical today, anyway," he said. He
put the cap back on his head like a
ballplayer on television. "You have to be
shape when you have a physical,
Barbara.”

He took an expansive breath and
clapped his chest. He coughed horribly.
“Have to be in shape,” he said, clearing
his throat. “Not diseased.”

As he spoke, he walked through a
doorway that led to an enormous wood-
paneled office suite. The main room—
which was large enough to accommodate
a volleyball game—had a fireplace at one
end, with two deeply cushioned sofas and
a square-shaped coffee table arranged in
front of it; at the other end of the room,
an executivestyle desk and highback
padded chair sat in a sunny bay with a
view of the Hollywood hills.

Nolte walked behind the desk, stood
there a moment and looked at its surface.
И was clean except for some loose sheets
of paper—letters, script pages, newspaper
clippings and notes—all stacked together
and set off to one side. He took a pack of
cigarettes from his jacket pocket, then
removed the jacket and threw it across
the room so that it landed on the arm of
one of the sofas.

Barbara followed him into the office,
carrying a notebook and a manila en-
velope. “The wardrobe people are stop-
ping by this afternoon," she said. "And
Hal called from the gate; he's on his
way up."

"Good," Nolte said. He sat down and
lit a cigarette.

Barbara put the manila envelope down
in the center of his desk.

"What's that?" Nolte said.

‘Paul sent it over," she said. “It’s a
copy of Esquire with your picture in it.
There's a little piece that goes along
with it”

"About me?" Nolte asked. He picked.

132 йир.

"No," she said. "Not exactly about
you."

"The magazine had a cover letter paper-
dipped to it, and Nolte scanned it.
“Thought you would enjoy seeing
this..." " he said, reading from the letter.

Nolte opened the magazine to the cen-
ter, where there was а double-page color
photograph of a sexylooking blonde in
a slit sequined dress. "Good Lor һе
said, looking at the girl а moment.

"It's on the next page,” Barbara said.

He turned the page and came to an
article titled “The Beefcake Boys." Under
the title, there were black-and-white
photographs of three young actors. One
of the pictures was a still of Nolte from
Who'll Stop the Rain.

Nolte looked at his picture, then
looked the page up and down. “Beefcake
boys" he said. "What the hell's а beef-
cake boy?”

Barbara, who was standing above him,
looked down but did not answer.

“Huh?” Nolte said, tuming to her.
“What's this supposed to be?"

“I'm not exactly sure,” she said.

“Beefcake boys,” he said again. He
seemed to be trying to get the sound of
it right. He picked up the cigarette, hit
on it and read the text of the piece.

“1 may be wrong,” he said when he
was finished, “but I get the impression
that what they're saying here"—he hit
on the cigarette again and exhaled a
cloud of smoke—“I get the impression.
that they're saying I'm not that good an

at Barbara. "Do you get
that impression?" he asked her.

Barbara was thoughtful. "I think it's
ambiguous," she said after a moment.

“Aha,” Nolte said.

He stood up and walked around his
desk. "Well, what I don't understand,”
he said, "is why they should send over а
copy of something that says I'm mot a
good actor. Why am I supposed to enjoy
that?"

Barbara looked at the letter. "He says
it's a good picture of you,” she said.

Nolte sighed. “A good picture of me.”

He left the office and entered an ad-
joining conference room. A television
and a video recorder were set up against
one wall and at least half the room was
filled with cardboard boxes of video
cassettes.

‘There was a built-in bar, which was
served by a gallcy-style kitchen; Nolte

went into the kitchen and exa ed the
contents of a double-door refrigerator.
There was a dried-out sandwich on a
paper plate that looked like a picce of
ceramic sculpture. There were discarded
plastic holders fo
nuts in a paper cup, several small cans
of V-8 juice and an opened can of becr.
Nolte took out the beer and tasted it.

"Jesus" he said, putting it back. He
took a can of V-8, popped it open and
took a handful of peanuts.

“Barbara!” he called out. "We need a
case of beer or something sent up here.
Something fast.”

He came out eating the peanuts and
found a man standing in the doorway of
the office. The man was in his 40s, had a
beard and wore a tall black hat with an
Indian headband. He drew an imaginary
pistol with one hand and pointed it at
Nolte.

"Give it up, pretty boy,” the man said.

“Hal, baby!" Nolte said. He threw the
rest of the peanuts into his mouth.

“Hal, babe,” the man said, lowering
his hand. “1 had it shortened."

Barbara appeared, holding her note-
book. "Do you want something?” she
asked.

"Yeah," Nolte said. "A case of beer.
And some sandwiches or something. You
want some food, Hal?”

“No, I just ate breakfast,” Hal said.
He took off his coat but left his hat on.
“I need some coffee, man. I necd some
naked coffee,”

“OK, well, get me something to cat
and a case of beer,” Nolte said. “And a
quart of vodka, too.”

"A quart of vodka?” Barbara said.
“Seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously,” Nolte said.

Hal returned from the kitchen holding
a steaming mug; Nolte went over to his
desk, sat down and regarded the man
good-humoredly.

“You're looking a little brighteyed

there, cowboy," Nolte said. "You must
have smoked some dope on the way over
here.
'Smoked some dope," Hal said. "Hah!
What I fucking need is some dope, man.
I'm telling you. The shit storm has started
and the skies are open wide.”

He sat down on one of the sofas. “This
project has taken a turn for the unreal,
man,” he said. He drank some of his
coffee. “I mean, the totally unreal, man.
You should have seen this scene on the
weekend. Up at The Beverly Hills Hotel,
man. Frank and Ted and me. All of us
up there at the fucking Beverly Hills
Hotel, man.”

Nolte started laughing at the thought.

Frank, he calls me up,” Hal said,
"and he tells me, ‘I fucking want you up
here tonight! He gives me all this bull-
shit. I say, "But, Frank, I've been working

(continued on page 198)

"Why don't you be a dear and get on your skate board and
go downtown and buy some condoms?"

133

one look at phi beta kappa, summa cum laude, soon-Lo-be lawyer
vicki mccarty and you'll bring in a verdict of beautiful

Н Beauty and the Bench

PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG

After graduating summa cum laudc and Phi
Beta Kappa from Berkeley, Vicki McCarty

Spent two years at Hastings College of the

Law and has just completed a year's postgraduate
work at Cambridge University (above right).

ate, a Phi Beta Kappa graduate of

ilifornia at Berkeley soon to be a
doctor of jurisprudence, is an unusually articulate young
woman. So we thought we'd let her tell her own story.

By VICKI MCCARTY

1 AM WELL EDUCATED, I am a feminist and I don't act or
sing, so what am I doing posing nude for PLaysoy? Well,
I suppose that the reason is that posing nude for PLAYBOY
was just about the last thing 1 would ever do. Not that I
ever thought that either nude women or PLAYBOY was a
suitable object for disdain; they just did not seem to be
compatible images with the succesful-female-attorney
image that 1 had created for myself.

That was my attitude for a long time—in fact, right
up to the moment when Idecided to become a center-
fold. I was а law student, I was politically active, 1 was
a successful person who happened to be a woman. That
js not to say that I adhered to the notion that women, to
be succesful, had to forget they were women, but my
definition of success often required the severing of my

“Pm specializing in international law

here posting a letter ho
two degrees

"I'm prett

me, "and eventually I'll have
and a J

react 10 my PLAYBOY centerfold; if they did, they'd
have to admit they looked at the magazine.

y from my pro-

personality. "Total sepa-

ration was impossible and the two.

ident often invaded each

but I was a bit

defensive about the possibility of

suggestions that my professional

gains rode on the coattails of a
nice smile.

Even while growing up, I mani-
fested the smart girl/pretty girl
dichotomy in all sorts of schizo-
phrenic ways In elementary
school, I sought the noble distinc-
tion of being the best reader and
speller in my class; but after that

21 had been won, I was free to
be the sugarplum fairy in the
Chri: nd bask in the
glory of pink slippers and sequi

In high school, I devoted my
energies to local and national pol-

elected the school's
first female studentbody pr
dent. Even my endless campaign-
ing for this and that was recessed,

however, when I was chosen queen
of the prom. By the time I got to
college and law school, it was second
nature for me to counter the rigors
of academe with the pleasurable van-
itics of modcling.

I cannot even honestly say that I
had overcome that dilemma when T
introduced myself to PLAYBOY in the
summer of 1978. The search for the
25th-anniversary Playmate was being
conducted in Los Angeles, and I had
read about it in the Times. I was
applying for an internship as a re-
porter with the Herald Examiner at
the time, and that endeavor entailed
writing unusual feature items. A
firsthand story, à Ja George Plimp-
ton, on what it was like to be a
Playmate hopeful seemed to be just
the story to secure my place with the
paper, so I phoned рілувоу and
made an appointment for ап in-
terview. Ludicrous as it sounds in

m curious as to how feminists
will react to my posing for
PLAYBOY. I think the tragedy
of the women’s movement has
been that women are inhibited
about showing their sexuality
for fear that they won't be
taken seriously. To me, that’s
unfortunate, because I think
its important that women
be seen not as sex objects

but as sexual beings.

“My thoughts on sex?
Well, to me, the bot-
tom line is that when
you've gotten through
inhibition and inse-
curity, impotence,
frigidity, whatever,
sex all boils down to
one maxim: ‘When
you're hot, you're hot;
when you're nol,
you're not.’ Also, I
think we turn our-
selves on, really; when
we find ourselves
sexually attractive,
then we're ready to
have good sex.”

retrospect, it was a major decision for me to go through the interview
looking, even acting, as though I were a serious contestant. It had
been funny the night before, when my friends and I wondered
whether or not I would be allowed to add inches to my vital statistics
to equal my grade-point average; but things were unnervingly differ-
ent when I was among strangers and clad in little more than a bathing
suit and my Phi Beta Kappa key

Oh. yes, I forgot to explain that I pinned the key, which had sat
untouched in my jewelry box for two years, on the bottom of my
bathing suit. I am nor exactly certain why I did it, except, perhaps,
that I found it subconsciously comforting to know that even if PLAYBOY
were not too impressed by me, I would still have an entire fraternity
and a secret handshake on my side.

A few weeks later, when I had given up on the story for the Exam-
iner, I received a call from PLAYBOY, telling me that it was interested
in taking more pictures of me for the magazine. I was having a dinner
party at the time, and the news provided terrific dessert conversation,
but I saw no further use in it, Still, it was great fun to hear that even
a dedicated overachiever could be (text concluded on page 242)

MISS ЅЕРТЕМВ

PLAYMATE DATA к>

МАМЕ: a M ==
Bust: 29 Ue Ул es. БШ
нетонт: f" Taxon. 102 sron: Capri¢orn—

BIRTH DATE: |^" ай BIRTHPLACE : A

AMBITIONS o PLAK or à WN le- ong WAR 4

f

OVE} “а Do

FAVORITE MOV JE nyt-da A
2
lack and [итле аан

FAVORITE ENTERTAINERS: D LNA, Ae, onlin

anes FOODS: Nani
-2alad.

EMME Pe ronde,
Сеш 4

FAVORITE DRINK:

FAVORITE MONARCH:
LEAST FAVORITE PHRASE:
FAVORITE COUNTRY:

25

JN wEt
Alert ond Very well grate white-frosted At the Grat

Fed Ne pierced eas. Hunt: Note,

PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES

Ho

s that gymnast girlfriend of yours these
the fellow was asked.
She's fine and in great shape," he replied,
"and she's been working on developing really
concentrated muscle ton:
“Concentrated, eh? What particular muscle
is she toning up?”
“Mine.”

The girl told the lawyer," Let's nei
Enough so the jerk won't forget и:
I said I'd cohabit;
He fucked like а rabbit —
And so now I want half of his lettuce!"

You seem to be having some difficulty chewing
that gum, sir,” remarked the conductor as the
commuter boarded the train.

“Tt was only on the way to the station this
morning,” mumbled the masticator, “that my
nearsighted wife came across the packet of con-
doms in the glove compartment.”

Our Unabashed Dictionary defines jobless
porno performers as the hard-core unemployed.

Homeward bound late one night on the free-
way, the recently marrieds started fondling
cach other, and before long the bride unzipped
the groom, worked out his tumescent organ,
scrunched down in the scat, began by giving
him tantalizingly slow head and then gradually
increased the tempo. Suddenly, he exclaimed,
“Oh, my God! No!”

“What's the matter, Harvey, honey?" the girl
managed to articulate after she had disengaged.
“Was I, maybe . .. giving you more . . . than
you could handle?

“No, no, I just missed our exit,
Harvey.

" muttcred

les rumored that the Pittsburgh Steeler:
g to the brouhaha last year over

gle contingents, may field only certified vi
during the upcoming season, The girls will be
called, naturally enough, the Stainless Steelers

Looking grim as she slammed the door of her
ЖОПЫ employers office behind her, the
young secretarial-job SE saw the Do NOT
DISTURB sign the man had apparently covertly
hung on the door as he ushered her in. F
ng the sign over, the girl whipped out her
lipstick and proceeded to print her own notice:
BEWARE OF DONG!

t a girl has to put up with in this busi-
` fumed the bottomless go-go dancer as
she flounced angrily into the dressing room.
“Some slob at the bar stuffed a ten-dollar bill
into my snatch and then kept right on finger-
ing me!”

“зо what?" philosophizcd a sister artiste.

еп bucks ain't bad, even for a long fecl."
“OF course it’s not," snapped the steamed-up
one, "but when the bastard finished, hc had a
five as chang:

Our Unabashed Dictionary redefines one-armed
bandit as a gas pump.

But irs impossible for you to charge both of
the men with whom you were living at the same
time with being the father of your child,” the
lawyer advised the girl. “The law makes no
provision for paternity suits with two pairs of

pants."

When 1 told you I wouldn't object to your
having a mirror installed in the ceiling over
our bed,” the woman told her husband, "I had
no idea that you were thinking of the fun-
house kind."

1, our cult,” said the girl, “it was true:
The mahatma'd get stoned and then screw.
In the buff, he'd smoke bhang
While his drug-plugged-in whang
Just guh-rew ... and guh-rew ...and guh-rew!”

LUD horns

We don't necessarily accept the theory that
Robinson Crusoe was the first advocate of the
four-day work week because he liked to get
Friday off.

Shauciing the serenity of a woodland lake, a
n a rowboat suddenly began shouting and
appling i the depths with the boat's anchor.
yelled an angler over the water,
E are you trying to do—fuck up the
fishing?"
Hell, no,” shouted back thc grappler. "Му
wife's fallen in—so I'm trying to fish up the
fucking!"

Heard a funny one lately? Send it on a post-
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY,
Playboy Bldg., 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago,
Ill. 60611. $50 will be paid to the contributor
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned.

DOG] FAS HIM 8

P 1 FASHIONS

j= pd i

“Stand somewhere else, can’t you, miss?”

147

SYNOPSIS: Michael Storrs is a man who
seemingly has everything: He is hand-
some, successful in business and married
to a beautiful woman, Tracy Lawrence.
He is, however, attracted to the most dan-
gerous of sports—downhill racing, sky
diving, surfing, hang gliding. When two
of his companions are killed in а para-
chute jump, Tracy is deeply disturbed.
But Michael refuses to give up his hob-
bies and, as a consequence, their mat-
riage begins to come apart. Michael's
out-of-town business trips increase; he no
longer calls Tracy when he's away; and
he has taken up with an old girlfriend,
a beautiful model who is always happy to
drop everything to oblige him.

One weekend, Michael and Tracy go
out to her parents’ home in the Hamp-
tons. The weather is rough, but his

father-in-law insists that he and Michael
go sailing. On board, they discover that
there is only onc life jacket, and Michael
forces Lawrence to put it on. When the
boat capsizes дис to high winds, they are
thrown into the water and it is hours
before they are rescued and taken ashore.
For Tracy, this is the last straw. Accusing
Michael of risking not only his own life
but her father's as well, she refuses lo
belicve his side of the story and asks for a
separation. Michael leaves that very night.

A couple of years pass before Michael
contacts Tracy. They meet for dinner
and Tracy asks for a divorce, mentioning
that there is a new man in her life.
Michael reluctantly agrees to call the
lawyers. After the meal, Tracy surprises
him by suggesting that they go to hear
Antoinc—an old friend of theirs—play

the piano. At the bar, Michael gets in-
volved in a fight with several loud-
mouthed Texans who persist in insulting
Antoine. He winds up in the hospital
with a concussion and three broken ribs.
While recuperating, Michael makes sev-
eral decisions about his life. He is going
to quit his job as a management consult-
ant, leave Manhattan and retreat. to
Green Hollow, a ski resort in Vermont
where he spent an idyllic winter many
years before. When he tells Tracy his
plans, she wishes him a good winter and
confesses that she has had a change of
heart and does not want to proceed with
the divorce.

At the end of Part I, Michael is driving
optimistically toward Vermont, looking
forward to the snow.

-—
p L1 sd

isa „
qa

9

PERT міснлех. decided to stay
[| at the new hotel in
Green Hollow called the Alpina that was
owned by an Austrian couple, the Heg-
geners. It was pleasantlooking, architec-
turally unpretentious, rambling, of white
clapboard, rooted in New England, mak-
ing no claims to be part of a Tyrolean
village.
Inside, Michael saw that it was fur-
nished comfortably with Colonial and
rustic pieces, everything impeccably pol-
ished. Mr. Lennart, the manager, was а
stout, unflappablelooking man of about |
55 and seemed friendly as he asked Mi- || " | | L

chael how long he expected to stay.

“A week, maybe,” Michael said, as he By’
signed the register. “At least for starters.”
"We're still just about empty,” Lennart

p a —
: AN 2 michael leaves his failing marriage
N nà and his job for the mountains
and finds a woman who skis
the same way she makes love—

with confidence, grace and daring

„ан

a -N

F

PLAYBOY

aid, "so we give you the best room in
the housc.
Just as Michael was about to go up to
his room, a woman came down the main
staircase into the entrance hall, followed.
by a big golden retriever. She was hand-
some, in her 30s, with a mass of ash-
blonde hair done up in a ncat, rather
severe bun. She had blue eyes set in a
long, pointed face and was wearing a
light-gray lynx coat.

ay I introduce our new guest, wlio's
going to be staying with us for a while?
Mr. Mid Storrs. Mr. Storrs, Mrs.
Hegge

“How do you do, sir?" Mrs. Heggener
said. Her voice was reserved, her accent
slight but unmistakably foreign.
not offer to shake hands. "I hope you
have a pl
“I'm sure I will,
Mrs. Heggener fluffed the collar of her
at up around her face and made a little
ci icking noise to the dog, which had been
sitting beside her, making small, impa-
иси sounds. Michael watched her go out.
No nonsense there, he thought.

Michael followed the bellboy up one
flight of steps to a large room, with a
double bed, a fireplace, a wide desk, а
rocking chair and two decp-green cor-
duroycovered easy chairs everything
crisply clean and in order, brass lamps on
the desk and tables throwing a subdued
and comfortable light.

After the bellboy had left, Michael
went over to one of the windows to sec
the view. The room was at the front of
the building and in the light of the lamps
that lined the driveway, he saw M
Heggener, bundled in her coat, with the
dog trotting beside her, walking toward
his Porsche. She stopped and peered at
the car. The dog lifted its leg and peed
against the rear wheel. Mrs. Heggener
looked up at the window of Michael's
room. He knew he was outlined.
the light of the lamps and he knew she
was staring at him. He had the impres-
sion that she was smiling.

He stepped back hastily. 1 hope the
damn dog isn't an omen, he thought. He
was sorry Mrs. Heggener had seen him at
that moment.

.

He unpacked, bathed and shaved, put
on fresh clothes and wrote a short note
to Antoine, giving him the address of
the Alpina.

Then, carrying an old sheepskin coat
that he had had since his days in college,
he went down to the lobby.

Mrs. Heggener, now dressed for the
evening in a long black gown, was sit-
ting in a little sitting room lined with
bookshelves, reading a book, but looked
up as Michacl stood at the desk and
nodded to him and he nodded back. As
Michael was waiting for the stamp to put

150 on his letter, a tall, slender, exquisite

black girl, very young, dressed
in black, with a small white apron,
crossed the lobby, carrying a tray with a
bottle of white wine and a single glass,
and went into thc room where Mrs.
Heggener was sitting. He couldn't help
but stare.

‘The girl poured the wine into Mrs.
Heggencrs glass and Mrs. Неррепег
raised salute to Michael. She was
obviously used to the guests of the hotel
staring at her beautiful servant. She s:
something to the girl that Michael
couldn’t hear and the girl came over to
Michael and said, “Mr. Storrs, Mrs. Heg-

gener asks if you would like to join her
lor a glass of wine,” her voice melodious
and shy.

“Thank you very much,” he answered,
and the maid went off to fetch another

у kind of you, madam,” he
he threw his coat over the back

Please do sit down,”
said. "Its good of you to join me. This
the time of the year I like best—before
the season really begins and you have
the place practically to yourself. But
there are moments when one is grateful

Mrs. Heggencr

h the town
‘I spent a winter here many years ago.
This hotel wasn't built the:
No, my husband and I are compara-
tive newcomers.” Her tone was even, the
words carefully spaced and clear, giving
or taking nothing.

"When I was here before, no one
dressed for dinner. I'm afraid I left any-
thing fancy back in New York."

“Oh, this,” Mrs. Heggener said, flip-
ping a fold of her skirt slightly. Her
hands, Michael saw, were long and pale,
with polished, pointed nails. “I dress as
the mood moves me. Our guests are en-
couraged to do the same. Tonight I hap-
pened to feel rather formal.” She studied
him frankly. "Don't worry, you look
splendid."

He put his hand in the pocket of his
tweed jacket. Nobody had ever told him
he looked splendid.

“Do you plan to stay long?" she asked.

“For the season. At least," he said. “If
all goes well.”

Mrs. Heggener arched her full, un-
plucked but shadowed eyebrows, as
though surprised. “For the season? Well,
we shall have to sec that all goes well.’

The maid came back with a second
glass and Mrs. Heggener poured. She
lifted her glass. “Prost.”

“Prost,” he si

“The wine is delicious,” Michacl said,
aking.

“Austrian,” Mrs. Heggener said. “Have

dr

aton, Kitzbühel, a

couple of weeks."

“You're a skicr, of course.”

"I manage to get down the hill,"
Michael said. He had the fecling his
credentials were being examined by this
cool, critical woman, with every movc-
ment measured.

Mrs. Heggener sipped at her glass. She
had a wide mouth, with full lips,
somehow, Michael thought, not fitting
the same face as the cold blue сусѕ and
the fined-down, almost ascetic lines of her
cheek: fy father makes this wine,” she
said. "I've drunk it since I was a child.
Опе grows attached to the tastes of child-
hood. Shall I have Rita, the maid, leave
а bottle for you in your room?"

“That would be very nice. Thank you.”

“If you don't mind a rather mournful
empty dining room"—she hesitated -

perhaps you would like to share your
dinner with me.”

"That's very good of you, madam,

Michael said. “But I'm planning on look-
ing up some old friends.”
" she said and then added,
nything you need, please
ate to ask. The service will be
worse later—when the crowds соте."

“Good night, madam.” Glacial, he
thought, as he left the hotel. Then he
shivered and put on his coat and got into
the car and drove off.

E

When he got back to his room later
that night, there was a fire going in the
fireplace and an opened bottle of wine
was in a cooler with two glasses. He won-
dered whom the maid thought he was
going to bring back with him for the
second glass. He threw off his coat and
jacket and put another log on the fire,
poured a glass of wine for himself, sat
down and leaned back luxuriously, sip-
ping the cold wine, staring into the
flames. Snow tomorrow. That would
make everything perfect. He would get
up carly and buy himself some ski boots
and skis and be ready to go before lunch
if there was enough snow.

‘There was a knock on the door. He
looked at his watch. It was nearly mid-
night. Puzzled, he went to the door and
opened it. Mrs. Heggener was standing
there, still dressed in the long, loosely
flowing black gown.

“Good evening.” she s

“Good evening,” he said, not moving
from the door. “Is anything wrong?"

“No, I was coming along the corridor
and I happened to sce the light under
your door and I decided to make sure you
were comfortable.”

"Couldn't be morc so.
She looked past him into the room.
“Do you mind if I come in for a moment
and see that everything’s all right?" She
crossed the room, inspecting it as she did
so. Michael was sorry he had thrown his
coat and jacket carelessly over different

(continued on page 158)

BACK

CAMPUS

our annual survey of styles for the upcoming academic year

attire В, DAVID PLATT

WHILE THE COMPUTER ROOM may be the
heart of the university of the future, those
heading back to campus this fall will
be wise to round out their wardrobes with
wearables that are more Mork than modern,
more Fifties than futuristic. Gone are leucr
sweaters and other throwbacks to collegiate
provincialism. Headbands and similar hold-
over items (text concluded on page 154)

Plugged-in B.M.O.C.s sport (left) a corduroy vent-
less jacket, about $60, with matching slacks,
about $27.50, both by Angels Flight for Tebics Kot-
zin; polyester/rayon shirt, from Brigade by Arrow,
about $20; wafflestitched pullover, by Logistix for
Hul-A-Poo, about $24; and a leather tie, by Vicky
Davis, about $23; and (right) о wool tweed placket-
front sweater, from Lobo by Pendleton, about $62;
plaid cotton shirt, from Hennessy by Von Heusen,
about $20; polyester/cotton gabordine single-pleated
slacks, by Country Roads, about $52.50; and a
cotton knit turtleneck, by Cross Creek, about $15.

151

Above: The three undergrads here have made top fashion grades (ond who knows what else?) sporting their latest collegiate threads.
The bovetied fellow at left wears a wool/nylon raglan-sleeved topcoat with self-belt, by Stratojac, about $175; over his flannel unconstructed
four-buttan double-breasted suit, by Haspel, about $145; polyester/catton round-ccllared shirt, by Von Heusen, about $17.50; ond cotton

152 Бом tie, by Vicky Davis, about $8.50. His studious friend in the middle prefers a multicolor wool tweed jacket with raglan sleeves and

corduroy trim, by Cricketeer, about $130; worn with prewashed denim jeans, by Mole, $25; metollic-ploid Western shirt, by Career Club, about
$21; ond a split-cowhide Western vest, from Stunts by Big Smith, about $42. The end man boning up for a forthcoming quiz (perhaps
anatomy?) likes a denim two-button jacket with flap frant packets and contrast-stitched yoke, about $65, with matching straightlegged slacks,
about $16, and a polyester/cottan Lurex plaid Western shirt, about $18, all by Wrangler; plus a leather string tie, by Vicky Davis, about $10. 153

Above: More extracurricular activities in Old Main’s computer cen-
trol. The lad ot left has an a cotton corduroy jacket, by Sedgefield,
about $50; polyester/acrylic Sherpa crew-neck, by Campus, about
$20; and flannel slacks, by Pendleton, about $60. The unlonesome
collegiate cowboy at center opts for a split-cowhide fringed jacket,
by Cooper Sportswear, about $125; a plaid cotton shirt, about $24,
worn under a wool sweater, about $28, both by 8ugle 8oy; and
cotton corduroy slacks, from Lobo by Penwest, about $36.
Why is the third student laughing? He's got good friends, good
grades and great clothes—including a nylon quilted poplin jacket,
by William Barry, about $70; knit shirt, obout $25, worn under a
striped shirt, about $40, both by Country Roads for Creighton; and
cotton slacks, by EBE Fashions, about $27. Right: 8race yourself:
Suspenders, such as these narrow ones, by Vicky Davis, cbout $10,
оге back and looking good when worn over a fleece pullover shirt,

154 about $23, and corduroy slacks, about $25, both by A. Smile.

їрру days of the activist Vietnam
as dated as Day-Glo shoelaces. Today's campus wardrobe is
adaptable to almost any situation, reflecting a sophistication
of taste and the fact that contemporary fashion design has
fluidity, functionality and free spirit that appeals to the young
in heart of any age. Naturally, you'll want to keep your
wardrobe as compact and economically feasible as possible
(tuition costs being what they are), with ample room for the
dual use of selections. Corduroy, for example, is a particularly
versatile fabric to consider for its ability to be dressed up or
down. And considering the demands of economy and academic
pressure, it's appropriate that rugged Western wear is back in
the fashion picture. Also not to be forgotten are the energy
shortage and the probability of another cold winter. It would
be wise to stockpile a variety of outerwear and some extra
sweaters. If all else fails, you can always burn your textbooks.

from the hippic-

PHOTOGRAPHY BY STAN SHAFFER

Т was settin' їп Friday's suckin' оп a glass of wine,
When in walked this chick who almost struck me blind.

She had wet blue eyes and her legs were long and fine;
On a scale of one to ten, Га give her a nine.

Now, on my scale there ain't no tens, ya know.
Nine is 'bout as far as any bitch can go.

So I flashed her a smile, but she didn't even look at me,
So for brains and good judgment I'd have to give her a three.
I said, "Hey, sweet thing, you look like a possible eight.
You and me could make eighteen —if your head is straight."

She looked up and down my perfect frame,
Then said these words that burned into my perfect brain.

She said, "Well, well, another one of those macho-matician men
Who grade all women on scales of one to ten.

And you give me an eight? Well, that's a generous thing to do.

Now, let's just see just how much I give you.

You comin' on to me with that corny numbers jive,

Man— your style makes me smile, I give it a five.

When you walked up, 1 noticed that suit you wore;

It's a last-year's. double-knit, shiny-ass, frayed-cuff—I give it a four.
And that must be your car parked out on the curb;

That '69 Chevy homemade convertible gets you a three and a third.

Noy, as for your build, I guess it’s less than a five,
Except for your potbelly—I give that a fez . . . for size.

And that wine you're pourin' might be fine to you,
But I'm used to fine champagne—I give your booze a two.

It’s hard to tell what your flashin’ smile is worth;
I give it a six—you could use some dental work.

But it’s your struttin’-rooster act that really makes me laugh;
It may be a ten to these country hens, but to me it’s a three and a half.

And there really ain't too much to add, once the subtractin’s done,
But since there ain't no zeroes—I give you a one!"

Then she walked out, while up and down the line,
The whole damn bar was laughin’. “Hey, Shel, what happened to your nine?”

“Nine?” says I. “Hell, soon as she started to talk, I knew
The bad-mouth bitch didn’t have no class—I barely give her a two.

Yeah, no matter how good they look at first, there’s flaws in all of them.
That’s why on a scale of ten to one, friend. .. there ain't no tens.”

ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD HOLLAND

TOP OF THE HLL

(continued from page 150)

“Half past 12 and we’re still talking, he thought.
But he’d be damned if he’d make the first move.”

chairs instead of hanging them up when
he came in and that he had left a pile of
shirts on a table.

Mrs. Heggener touched the radiator.
“Warm enough?”
ust right.”

“The wine cold enough?” she asked.
“I could ring down for some ice.”

“It’s fine, thank you.” He was feeling
ill at ease. The sight of the handsome
woman moving around his room so in-
timately in the middle of the night began
to make him wonder if perhaps with
her. . . . “Oh,” he said, making a sudden
resolve, thinking, What have I got to
lose? "would you like to join me in a
little wine? There seem to be two glasses

“So there are. I suppose Rita doesn't
approve of solitary drinking." She seated
herself across from the chair in which
he had been sitting, crossing her legs,
showing a very pretty, rounded calf and
a fine ankle. Whatever she was, she
wasn't ill at ease.

He sat down
each of them.

i speaking about you this eve-
ning,” Mrs. Heggener said.

“Oh, you were?” Maybe he ought to
stop all this inane small talk and just
grab her and see what happened. His
erection was firm and unmistakable,
caught awkwardly in the folds of his
shorts and trousers, and he had to sit
twisted to keep it from being noticeable,
like an old-fashioned actor іп a drawing-
room comedy.

“Ап old acquaintance of yours dropped
by. David Cully. He was coming from a
mecting and he gave me the schedule of
the courses and the events they've
planned from Thanksgiving until Christ-
mas. As the head of the ski school, he
and I often have things to discuss for the
benefit of my guests. He said you were a
very good ski teacher and that he'd like
to see you. Theyre running short on
instructors this year.”

“Maybe ТЇЇ look in on him," Michacl
said.

“I ski, too," Mrs. Heggener said. “But
I'm one of those timid souls who have to
follow an instructor at all times.

"I must say,” Michael said, “you don’t
Jook like a timid soul to me

“Appearances can be deceiving. And
remember, I am on my own home ground
here at the Alpina. No ski slope feels to
me like my home ground." She poured
some more wine for both of them, lean-
ing forward as she did so, her breasts

nd poured some wine for

158 stretching the cloth of her dress a little.

She put the bottle down and leaned back
again. “I know all the instructors here
well,” she said, “Too well. The conversa-
tion is limited, to say the least, Country
boys who are only beguiling when they
are going downhill In my country—
peasants. Only you can't call anyone a
peasant in Ameri

“No,” he said. “In America, we range
only from middle class to noble.”

She looked at him speculatively. "I
have a feeling that your conversation.
would not bore те.”

She is getting ready to lay it on the line
any minute now, he thought. "You must.
not flatter mc, madam,” Michael said
ironically.

“Eva,” she s
he repeated.

“If I tell David I want you, he will
assign you to me as a private instructor.
I pay the ski school and the ski school
pays you. It is an impersonal arrange-
ment.”

“The best kind,” he said. He sneaked a
s watch. Half past 12 and we're
g. he thought. But he'd be

if hed make the first move.
he said, “if you find that my con-
you...?"

damned
"And,"
versation, too, bores

She shrugged. “I will tell David that
we do not hit it off. That you go too slow

for me, or too fast, or are too deman
And ask him to suggest someone else.

Bitch, he thought, but sounded inter-
ested as he asked, “Do you ski every day?"

“No. Only sporadically. And usually
in the afternoons. But 1 like to have the
instructor on tap, in case I get a sudden
urge to go up the hill. When I am in a
dark mood, I seem to want to ski more
often. It is a way of forgetting.” Her
speech, he noticed, was beginning to
sound a little thick, the accent more
marked. He wondered if she had been
drinking all evening, alone. “I thank
God for winter,” she went on, her voice
crooning sadly now.

“What do you have to forget?" he
asked.

“That I am living in a country not my
own." She seemed on the verge of tears
and Michael wondered if she were one of
those women who had to cry a man into
bed. “That when I want to see my hus-
band, 1 must go to clinics, hospitals all
over the country, different places, every
time my husband hears of a doctor who
has developed a new treatment for his
rare form of tb. That when he is at
home with me, 1 am a nurse. That
when I say, ‘Take me home to Austria,’

g

he says, ‘Yes, dear, perhaps next year.”
He was bom there. But when he goes
there, he can’t stand it for more than a
week at a time. It is a dying country, he
no place for him.”

Finally, Michael felt moved, though
whether it was for the woman who, act-
ing or not, was on the verge of tears, or
for the doomed husband he had not yet
met, he did not know. He leaned forward
and took her s cool and steady
and limp in his own hand. “I hope I will
not go too slow for you or too fast for
you or be too demandin

“We shall see,” she said abruptly. She
withdrew her hand, stood up and moved
quickly to the door. He watched, stunned,
thinking, What in hell was that all about?

She stopped at the half-open door, then
pulled it shut with a sharp little click and
locked it. She turned and faced him, her
head high, put her hands up to her hair,
pulled something and the ash-blonde
hair, almost reddish in the light, cas-
caded over her shoulders to her breasts
and to the middle of her back in golden
tumult. “Now,” she said, staring at him
"please put out the damned

б
Her body was deceptive. Given her
height and the narrowness of her face,
he had taken it for granted she was thin
and angular, and later, in the loose black
gown, her figure had been hidden. But
now he saw that it was full and rounded,
nourished on Viennese pastries and pots
of rich hot chocolat mit Schlag in the
best confiseries of the old capital of the
Austro-Hungarian Empire.

The ascetic face proved also an illu-
sion. There was nothing ascetic about her
tastes and no reticence in her perform-
ance. She was instructive and demanding
and he was happily instructed and an-
swered all her demands.

He had no idea how much time had
passed before she finally rolled off him
and stretched out beside him, one leg
across him. She sighed contentedly. “An-
other way of forgetting,” she said. “May-
be the best."

He noted, a little bitterly, for future
reference, that she was categorizing him
merely as а teammate in a particularly
vigorous sport and was not pleased with
the image. Affection, he guessed, was not
in her repertoire.

“Have you any idea what time it is?”
Mrs. Heggener asked.

“A quarter past delirium,” he said, and
she chuckled complacendy. She was, he
could tell, used to pleasing men. “It's
twenty past four

“Mein Gott,” she said. “The maids will
be moving about soon.” She got briskly
out of bed and dressed quickly, but left
her h down, Then she went over and
kissed him.

(continued on page 178)

A Wort
Ba Gus
OF THE

B VY LEAGUE

1 defying demonstrations, censorship
and feminist flak, coeds from
america's most prestigious schools
help playboy prove that beauty and
brains are not mutually exclusive

pictorial essay
By JESSE KORNBLUTH

WHEN OUTSIDERS imagine what
the Ivy League is like, they
tend to dream about small
worlds of leather chairs and
English shoes and oarsmen
named Saltonstall rowing their
sculls down unpolluted rivers
at sunset. The men in these
dreams are cither John Ken
neth Galbraith Ry
O'Neal. The women are a
ways Olive Oyl.

Ivy Leaguers know better.
They say their once gentle
manly schools are now pre-
professional jungles, where
bookaholics vanish into li-
braries September and
emerge only in May. This epi-
demic of careerism, they con-
tinue, has blurred the old class
differences so effectively that
you can no longer tell the few

maining Saltonstalls from
the potential Solzhenitsyns.
But while Ivy League men
will hold forth on this turn of
events as long as you're willing
to listen, they are curiously
silent on the subject of their
social lives. And because of
their reticence, the notion that
Ivy League women are bril-

ant but rarely bountiful has
somehow survived the most de-
mystifying century in the Ivy
League's long history virtually
ntact.

Or did, until recently.

Veritas came to Harvard, for
example, Iast November 29 in
the person of David Chan. A
soft-spoken, nonmacho wisp
of a man who stands 5/5"
short and punishes the scales
at 120 pounds, Chan attracted
no great attention as he strode
along Massachusetts Avenue
toward Plympton — Street.
Wearing his usual Shetland

On the preceding page, Penn
men C. Sean Sutton, Bruce Epke,
Alexander T. Caok and

George S. Horvath are ready to
raw, with the help of Penn
coeds Barbaro Bauer (left), her
sister, Charlotte (far right),

and Deborah Chan. Brown's
Eliana Labo (top) says she posed
“because | wanted Brawn to be
able to show it has really pretty
girls.” Dartmouth's Suzanne
Baldwin (bottom) voted for some
nudity: "1 like the way | look."

Angela Ray (above left), the only woman at Brown to live in a froternity, handles scoreboard chores for her baseboll-playing frat brothers
but dates none of them seriously. Wendy Brewer (obove center) keeps people from scoring oltogether: She's goolie for Yale’s top-flight
women's soccer team. Carrie Morgolin (above right) is no jockette. After posing for us at the height of Dortmouth winter, this Ph.D.
candidate went home to bed—with a 103-degree fever. Brown senior Lisa Cobb (below left) wos more then a little surprised when

PLAYBOY photographer Nick De Sciose whipped out his business cord: It feotures a shot of her sister, olso a model. Harvard extension student
Anne Donelson (below right) tells us her aml to return to Oregon, where, for a change, she con relox in a relatively calm atmosphere.

PLAYtO's Officer Krupke Award goes
to Providence Police Chief Angelo P.
Ricci for defending public morality.

| All the Nudes Fit to Print i lost. Public morality survived.
A Playboy photographer's Ivy League education

We Couldn't Have Said It | л

Better Deportment: Time's | ee considers

coverage of David Chon’s ensman's a. rrest
“Ivy League educotion”

dapes pence d PROVIDENCE — Police Chief Angelo

ovr MAE E P. Ricci said today he would consider ar-

ry, bringing mo- i resting Playboy photographer David

mentary fame to these. ч E Chan if he attempts to shoot pictures of

forward-thinking young women for the magazine in Provi-

daughters of Yale. | " | каан оя | dence.

IL- = oii E “if 1 think ıt is morally wrong and I

SENT MEREEN re can get the law to back me up, I'l go
lorearen Pe amiy ae after him," the chief said. He said he

162

Amy Petronis, Brown '81 (above), a Notional
Merit Scholar, hopes to build spare ports
for humons as а biomedical engineer.
Princeton's Anne Helsley (right) was a girl-
scaut troop leader until this year; right now,
she's spending five months in Peru.

There's no dog in this : Russian-born
Vita Shusterava is cremming o B.
international politics and ап M.A. in Slavic

languages and lit inta four years at Penn.

Some Princetonians (left) welcomed
us. The ad belaw had a terrific
headline but missed aur point.

Women of Princeton
YOURE BRILLIANT
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL

hee t ofr
Dent be edad fo an absurd mele fen)
VIRVOK TO DCKONSIRATE
PUNE AD THE A. ECT C)
am нф RAGA) HAL ^0:

sweater and corduroy pants,
he might have passed for an.
assistant profesor as he
stepped into the office of The
Harvard Crimson and asked
to purchase a two-column dis-
play advertisement.

It is à matter of record that
when Chan slid his text and a
check for 5188.72 across the
counter, no one screamed.

Because Harvard was the
first stop on ап eight-campus
tour, Chan returned to the
Crimson the following after-
noon to inspect the printer's
proofs of his ad. "They w
flawless. But the myth of I
хага excellence began to
crumble a few hou later,
when a Crimson representative
telephoned PLAvsov's Chicago
offices in search of Chan. At
that moment, as the most cur-
sory glance at either the ad
copy or the insertion order
would have indicated, Chan
was sitting in his Cambridge
motel room, no farther from
his Crimson caller than a hefty
Frisbee toss. The PLAYBOY
operator passed the message
along to. Chan, who returned
the call. Moments later, Crim-
son president. Francis J. Con-
nolly personally informed
Chan that his ad would not
appear in the paper because it
was "simply too offensive,"

Chan was puzzled. Not only
had the ad been the very
model of understatement—
“PLAYBOY is scanning the Ivy
League for a cross section of
women for the upcoming Sep-
tember 1979 issue,” it read—
but in his 14 years as a
PLAYKOY photographer, he had
successfully placed. ads like it
in college newspapers across
the county. Never had his
copy been refused. Yet now
the Crimson, which owed its
reputation in part to its long-
standing defense of Ir
speech, had decided to censor
an advertisement from a maga-
zine that owed its reputation
in part to its long-standing de-
fense of free specch—and for
reasons that Connolly later
described as "contrary to all
lished principles of jour-
istic ethics."

As the majority of the
Crimson staff explained in an
editorial a few days later, the
paper's policy of refusing
that contribute to economic or
(text continued on page 166)

ds

Yale’s Elisa Fitzgerald (above left) lost $400 playing poker the week she posed for rrAvsov, but she
swears she can win it back on the backgammon circuit—if she finds the right backer. Robyn Ewing
(above right) made Cornell's femole lacrosse squad as o freshman and was recently nomed

Jo the New York State team. Below, Yalies Lana Avedon ond Olivia Ortiz оге roommates.

Do Yale men ask them out because they posed for pıAYsOY? “If they do, they don’t tell us.”

No campus was without a
“Chan, Go Home" protest,
but our enlightened pho-
lographer applouded them:
“They contribute to the story.”

bout Yale

Princeton's Sue Hunt happened to be visiting her twin, Helen, at Yale when Chan arrived in New Haven; the two went to see him on a
whim. That's Sue at left, Helen at right above. Donna Kennedy, a Columbia grad student (above right), posed because she wanted

to go beyond “disinterested intellectual curiosit nd would want to write about the experience for Cosmopoliton magozine.
Cornell's Lisa Jackson (below) is every bit as progmatic: “If people want to look at my body and I'm getting paid for it, that’s OK.”

Cornell's Debbie Solomon backed those who posed
but offered “heartfelt sympathy” to PLAYBOY'S
“victimized” readers. Athletic PLAYBOY supporters
obscured the controversy by taking it off.

Tani Blaze:

Defending the Big Red Bare

— Debbie k Solomon:

The Cornell Daily Sun

164

1 changed my mind about posing semi

nude at least a hundred times,” recalls
lary Clayson (left), a Brown sopho-

more who majors in classics because
"there's a beginning and an end to
it." Her reasons for unbuttoning: "I'm
not extremely modest and, anyway,
this isn’t Town & Country, Sure, | have
some weird feelings knaving how many
people will see the magazine. The
way Brown's feminists focused on this
thing was much weirder, though; one
told me this was a step up from prostitu-
tion. | hope this onnoys them, so they'll
know exactly where I stand."

"I've looked at PIAYEOY since | wos
little," says Gail Hoffmon of Columbia
(above). “I always wanted to be in it.
When | saw the ad, | thought, Here's
the chance, but do | have the nerve?”

More women—a rousing 340 strong—filled out bio sheets
for photographer Chan at Cornell than at any other Ivy
school. Not surprisingly, feminists protested en masse.

Chan's reaction: “I think it’s time for а new assignment.”

political oppression was the
is for its rejection of Cha
ad. A ргАүвоү pictorial fea-
turing women of the Ivy
League would, the editors
claimed, contribute to the ex-
ploitation of American wom-
en. This oppression might be
less clear-cut than South Afri-
can apartheid, for example,
but it wasno lessreal, they said.
The Crimson editors under-
stood that they would be ac-
cused of denying PLAYBOY
legitimate access to its adver-
tising columns. And they were
aware that many would find
their ruling to be paternal-
istic—or outright — sexist—
because of its implicit
asumption that Harvard/
Radclifle women are intellec-
tually enfeebled bimbos who
are incapable of judging
PLAYBOY's intentions for them-
selves. But thcir reasons for

Unfortunately for the men of Cornell—and the kids she counseled at the Ithaca Bureau of Youth—Kathryn
Kamper (above) has just graduated. Her schoolmate Jennifer Rosenberg (below) will be around for two more
years. Here she poses in front of one of her paintings. Posing au naturel was easy; Jennifer often paints nudes.

On the Phil Donahue show,
Cornell's Debbie Solomon
(second from righi) and
Brown's Beth Castelli (far right)
joined Chon in debating
pLaveoy. “Women not wanting
other women to hove the free-
dom to make up their own
minds—that’s what's really de-
humanizing, Debbie insisted.

turning down Chan's ad, they
said, were so simple they
couldn't concern themselves
with these trifling criticisms:
“The Crimson does not want
to be party in any way to
PLAYBOYS exploitative tac-
tics.” Their strategy, they con-
cluded, was an effort to
distance themselves as com:
pletely as possible from that
exploitation: “The decision to
avoid participating in апу
way in the production of
PLAYBOY assures the Crimson
that it will not have any in-
fluence whatsoever on the
magazine's editorial content on
a national level.”

Whatever the philosophical
merits of the Crimson’s argu-
ment, the journalistic naivet
of that conclusion will stand,
in retrospect, as one of the
most boneheaded editorial
opinions of recent years—for
if anything guaranteed the
success of Chan's mission, it
was the controversy sparked by
the Crimson’s unexpected mor-
alizing. If Chan’s ad had run
for four days, as planned, and
produced no response at Har-
vard, pLaynoy would then
have abandoned the entire Ivy
League project; but thanks to
the Crimson, the case of David
Chan was featured in every
major Boston newspaper, on
every Boston television news
broadcast and in newspapers
around the world, As a result,
some 80 Harvard/Radcliffe
women contacted him—and
an estimated — 20,000,000

Chan's check for his Harvard Crimson ad

was cashed—"a mistake,” the Crimson said—

but after the nation's press picked up on

the school newspapers refusal to run it, the
Crimson made another mistake: It kept the dough.

Tir journal Courier
Harvard Crimson says Playboy i
in wrong league =

This ad did not run in the Har- |
yard Crimson because the staff id
it was exploitative of women, No

Playboy photographer David Chan emen fere apron
аа 900

а Harvard English major (left),
saw the feminist issue as phony: “You can be
exploited just as easily with your clothes on."
For Princeton's lisa Bennet! Fedors (above), who.
runs a solar-energy consulting firm with her
engineer husband, self-sufficiency’s the only issue:
"We need to prove that solar works in Jersey.”

Yale's Jeni Powell (above) used to leave high
school—where she was president of a feminist
erganization—at noon, so she could study four
hours a day at the Joffrey Ballet school.

PLaynoy readers get to experi-
ence the photographs here
(As а corollary to the con-
troversy, PLAYBOY'S editors got
their own consciousness raised.
This Ivy League feature is but
the latest in a long string of
pictorials starting with Octo
ber 1960's The Girls of Holly-
wood and marching on
through geographical areas
and college athletic. confer-
ences. Always the pictorials
had been titled The Girls
of . . . whatever. Chan and a
PLAYBOY news consultant,
Dan Sheridan, who accom-
panied him on his Ivy League
foray, soon discovered that, in
the Ivy Le: least, the
word “girls” raised a lot of
feminine hackles. It was а
point well taken. So make that
Yale's Drusilla Lawton races with partner Sumner Parker. Meanwhile, at Penn, Emily Harrison (above — “women.")
right) divides her time between her studies and dancing. Laura Klibére (below), who labors as a section After the Harvard episode,
chief at the Penn hospital’s anaerobic bacteriology lob, barely has time to take courses, јоз апа dence. Ivy campuses had different re-
actions to Chan's presence—
nd all of them helped
PLAYBOY. In Providence, a
feminist group calling itself
Brown Educated Women
Against Rape and Exploi
tion (BEWARE) urged wom
en to make appointments
with the photographer and
then not show up. "We have
brains and we have brawn,
were not here to turn you
on,” chanted the protesters at
Princeton, where one wag
draped a passing dog with
a sign that read, MISS SEPTEM-
BER. At Yale, where the edito-
rial board of the Daily News
had announced the rrAvmov
ad would be summarily re-
jected, the paper's publisher
decided that Chan's notice
would appear after all—to the
mortification of some feminists
and the paper's editorial wri
em. And in Hanover, the
Student Advisory Committee
recommended that students
“consider carefully how their
involvements in ventures out-
side of the college reflect on
(text concluded on page 257)

It was a winter for snow bunnies on several campuses. At Penn, this pro-PLAYBOY
student impressed a low-lying lensman with his footwork, Dartmouth men, os
this cartoon illustrates, wondered aloud what PLAYBOY would turn up on campus.

Lourie Osmond, program director of the Brown radio station (above left), hopes someone will call and help her career in the media, but
expects some “heavy breathing at two Am.” Columbio’s Charlotte Nutt (above right), who says she likes her men "witty and somewhat
devious,” modeled to fuel her acting career. Sharon Cowan, a Dartmouth Russian major (below), used her etavsay money to buy blue jeans,
which she says she’s thought of selling on a visit to Russio. Sharon’s ambition: to be a Moscow correspondent for The New York Times.

PLAYBOY

FIRE FOR HIRE seo

Uu e i-r ыыы >
*Our toyman, like many ‘respectable’ arson hirers,
had contacted people who knew how to set fires.”

Watts, it authorizes the Federal Insur-
ance Administration to require compa-
nies to provide fire and riot insurance to
inner-city landlords, the theory being
that that prevents their flight to the safer
suburbs. The companies must pool their
coverage under FIA regulations that force
them to insure almost anyone, regardless
of his criminal or fire-propensity record,
and at the replacement value of the struc-
tures, not the fair market value. Inflating
replacement values is simple for arson
rings, so, lo and behold, many inner-city
properties have been combusting spon-
taneously with increasing frequency.

Since 1968, total arson fires in the U. S.
have more than doubled, and property
damage has quadrupled, with a signifi-
cant proportion of the damage coming
in the downtrodden, crime-riddled FAIR-
plan neighborhood:

‘The FIA maintained in 1978 that no
more than ten percent of its FAIR-plan
claims were arson for profit. Those fig-
ures contrast sharply with those of insur-
ance companies and law-enforcement
officials. Regardless, in areas where the
people must bear poverty, overcrowding
and unemployment, they must also bear
more than their share of arson, because
one arm of the Federal Government is
ipso faclo encouraging it, while other
Federal arms, in task forces, are franti-
cally trying to put out the burn-andearn
racket.

e.

‘Arson task forces arc the only real
weapons against arson for profit. True, a
local arson unit often catches a one-time
burner who incinerates his house to col-
lect his homeowner's insurance and head
off the debt collectors. But sometimes an
arson scam is so grand and convoluted
that it takes the full resources of local
and Federal officials even to begin to
trace a white-collar offense that ends
with blackened buildings and money in
the bank.

"Take as an example a case on the East
Coast, where arson for profit has in-
creased so dramatically that it threatens
to overtake vengeance as a motive. A
man in the Philadelphia area had a nice
toy factory covering a square bloc
factory packed with new merchandise.
An unlucky man, this manufacturer had
had a te le fire a while before—a
$3,500,000 blaze that ruined all the nice
toys he had contracted to sell to a large
retail chain that, most unfortunately, was

170 about to collapse like crarist bonds. But

all that was past and forgotten by his
insurers. Now this toymaker had another
fire, this one for $2,500,000 in insurance.
It came just after he had had hints that a
sale to a leading discount-store chain was
about to fall through. The fire was set in
an elaborate manner with timer, trans-
former, coil and other gear to trigger the
traditional fire “accelerant,” gasoline.
Naturally, the fire, smoke and water
ruined the toys, and the insurance claim
was filed. But the fancy arson set, found
by investigators, brought heat to bear on
the case and. brought in thc Philadelphia
arson task force of the U.S. Treasury
Department's Bureau of Alcohol, Tobac-
со and Firearms,

Until 1970, the ATF concentrated on
busting moonshiners and enforcing laws
governing interstate transportation of
firearms. But in 1970, as arson began
booming, the Explosives Control Act in-
cluded an expanded interpretation of
explosive devices, so that the ATF could
extend its investigations into other areas.
By 1978, with arson indistinguishable
from wildfire, the ATF had 23 regional
arson task forces operating and two na-
tional emergency teams training, usually
in combination with the U.S. Attorneys
and the FBI. As they explored arson-for-
profit fires, they quickly learned to focus
their limited manpower on cases in which
they could bring the greatest investigatory
pressure.

For instance, our toyman, like many
“respectable” arson hirers, had obviously
contacted people who knew how to set
fires. (In cities riddled by the Cosa
Nostra, that can be as simple as prowling
the right bar. A big fire is usually bro-
kered by a middleman, who checks out
the potential customer, clears the deal
with a don and, when the businessman
agrees to a fee to be paid up front—often

25 cents on the insurance dollar
claimed—contacts the torches.)
Arson investigators were virtually cer-

n that the set used to burn the toy
facility was identical to one used in
Miami, as well as to one used in abor-
tive arson staged in Suffolk County, New
York.

But a better example of a single arson
e leading to a larger, more complex
crime scheme can be found in Pottstown,
Pennsylvania, where three men were ap-
prehended with their gear near a pizza
parlor they apparently intended to burn.
The three—I'll call them Bellini, Salerno
and Locarno—may become key figures in

the ATF's attempt to crack an immense
Mafia arson ring operating in the North-
east that the ATF thinks is either directly
or ectly involved in 90 percent of
the arson for profit in that area of the
country. The clue to the big picture was
the Pottstown pizza parlor.

Моге than a score of pizza parlors and
several restaurants have been burned in
Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York and
Delaware in the past two years, and in-
vestigators believe those burnings are
cvidence of a gang war between two old-
line Sicilian families: the heirs of the late
superdon Carlo Gambino (notably, Giu-
зерре and Emmanuel "Manny" Gam-
bino) and Carmine Galante, recently
returned from a long dope-trafficking
prison term. Galante has apparently re-
solved to regain the pizza fiefdom lost to
the Gambinos when his associate Joseph
“Joe Bananas” Bonanno was kidnaped
and exiled by rival bosses in 1965.

The way those gentleman slice it,
there’s more at stake than a pepperoni
to go. According to investigative writer
Jonathan Kwitny, author of Vicious Gir-
des, the Gambinos have been importing
aliens, many of them Sicilians, setting
them up in pizza parlors at loan shark's
rates and, as an additional price of pas-
sage, requiring them to buy cheese, sauce,
ovens, fixtures—the works—from Gam-
bino-controlled companies such as Ferro
Foods, Inc., of New York. The regrouped
Bonanno forces want a piece of that, the
theory goes, because, since the Forties,
they have controlled cheese-making facil-
ities in Vermont and Wisconsin. The
Bonanno family has employed “arson
diplomacy” to force some of the Sicilian
immigrants into its camp. Happenings
such as the accidental incineration of two
dumsy Bonanno-lan arsonists in а com-
peting pizza parlor fuel the suppositions,
as do a series of recent arson fires in
south Jersey restaurants associated with
Gambino interests.

But common as arson is as an intimi-
dator among underworld entrepreneurs,
my investigation suggests that the pizza-
war arsons are mostly for profit and
probably serve as a ready-cash source for
the Gambinos. The pizza parlors can also
launder a lot of money. One parlor might
“do” $100,000 the first year, $150,000 the
second, and then $450,000. Then it
burns, The strawman owner, perhaps an
alien or a family member, could then
collect both the insurance on the build-
ing and equipment and a hefty chunk of
usines interruption insurance," based
on the inflated value of the money made,
say, in dope or pornography and poured
through the place for washing. The
whole scam might net upwards of half a
million dollars.

In order to derail investigators, such

(continued on page 248)

PLAYBOY

FIRE FOR HIRE suus.
иш ceste

*Our toyman, like many *
had contacted people who .

istration to require compa-
nies to provide fire and riot insurance to
inner-city landlords, the theory being
that that prevents their flight to the safer
suburbs. The companies must pool their
coverage under FIA regulations that force
them to insure almost anyone, regardless
of his criminal or fire-propensity record,
and at the replacement value of the struc-
tures, not the fair market value. Inflating
replacement values is simple for arson
rings, so, lo and behold, many inner-city
properties have been combusting spon-
taneously with increasing frequency.

Since 1968, total arson fires in the U.S.
have more than doubled, and property
damage has quadrupled, with a signifi-
cant proportion of the damage coming
in the downtrodden, crime-riddled FAIR-
plan neighborhoods.

The FIA maintained in 1978 that no
more than ten percent of its FAIR-plan.
claims were arson for profit. Those fig-
ures contrast sharply with those of insu
ance companies and law-enforcement
officials. Regardless, in areas where the |
people must bear poverty, overcrowding
and unemployment, they must also bear |
more than their share of arson, because
one arm of the Federal Government. is
ipso facto encouraging it, while other
Federal arms, in task forces, are franti-
cally trying to put out the burn-and-carn
racket.

P

Arson task forces are the only real
weapons against arson for profit. True, a
Jocal arson unit often catches a one-time
burner who inerates his house to col-
lect his homeowner's insurance and head
off the debt collectors. But sometimes an
arson scam is so grand and convoluted
that it takes the full resources of local
and Federal officials even to begin to
trace a white-collar offense that ends
with blackened buildings and money in
the bank.

Take as an example a case on the East
Coast, where arson for profit has in-
creased so dramatically that it threatens
to overtake vengeance as a motive. A
man in the Philadelphia area had a nice
toy factory covering a square block, a
factory packed with new merchandise.
‘An unlucky man, this manufacturer had
had a terrible fire a while before—a
$3,500,000 blaze that ruined all the nice
toys he had contracted to sell to a large
retail chain that, most unfortunately, was

170 about to collapse like czarist bonds. But

who needs it? not us.
and the sooner we

tell the opec countries
to canit, the better

opinion By RICHARD RHODES

collective sleeve because they're suckering us and they know it. They
ought to be laughing. We don’t need their oil. We never did.

Oil was always only a means to an end, one of several possible means.
The end was to move ourselves around conveniently and to make our homes
and offices comfortable. We used to move ourselves around on horses and in
trains. We used to make ourselves comfortable with wood and coal. Oil was
easy, so we switched.

Oil's пог easy anymore. Last year, we paid out 42 billion dollars for
foreign oil. The price goes up. OPEC can cut off the supply whenever it
wants. Foreign oil is expensive, inflationary and politically and strategically
risky. Sooner rather than later, it's going to run out.

"The end hasn't changed. We still want to move ourselves around and to
be comfortable. But it’s time and past time we switched the means again,
away from oil.

Nothing more convincingly demonstrates the bankruptcy of Federal
energy policy under at least the past three Presidents—Nixon, Ford and
Carter—than our continuing increasing dependence on forcign oil. Nothing
more convincingly demonstrates the cowardice and corruption of Congress,
its capitulation to the lobbying of Big Oil. If we had started to switch from
oil to other liquid fuels at the time of the 1973 Arab oil embargo, we
wouldn't be facing potential gasoline shortages now. Instead, domestic oil
production has actually declined since the embargo. Remember that the next
time you go down to the polls to vote. Energy policy in the United States in
the past decade has been a crying shame, if not an outright scandal.

But we can still save the day. It's not too late if we get in gear. The
immediate answer is technical fixes, the long-term answer renewable sources
of fuel. Technical fixes are ways to improve efficiency that don't change
lifestyles, Everybody in the U.S. could start riding bicycles to work, for
example, and that would solve most of the oil problem, but most of us don't
want to ride bicycles to work. A reasonable alternative, a technical fix, has
been to pass laws requiring cars to become more fuelefficient. A long-term
solution must be to find renewable fuels to replace gasoline for running
our cars.

Renewable resources—sunlight, wind, garbage and manure, woody
materials, to name the most important—have received only token attention
from the Department of Energy and from the energy industry. They're what
the high-technology fanatics like to call unconventional alternatives. The
implication is that they're inadequate and impractical. Don't be fooled.
They'te completely conventional. They're even ordinary and homely, the
common sources of mankind's energy for at least the past 10,000 years.
‘The truly unconventional alternatives are the monstrous, untested inventions
that the high-technology fanatics are touting: gasoline from oil shale or coal,
both processes fiercely expensive and enormously wasteful of energy; island
after three-mile island of nuclear reactors to make electricity we don't need
and to waste capital we ought to be investing in plants to make liquid fuels;
or such absurdities as giant satellites to collect sunlight and beam it to earth
as microwaves, the beam frying every passing bird. Crazy stuff, and unaflord-
able as well, and unforgiving. Suppose, for example, that the U. S. had gone
nuclear as the nuclear-power industry dreamed it would. Suppose in the year
2000 A.D. there were 1000 giant nuclear-power reactors on the land supplying
almost all our electricity. Suppose then an accident only a little worse than
the accident last March at Three Mile Island in Pennsylvania. What would
we do? We'd be stuck, wouldn't we? You see: unforgiving.

We don't need the high-technology solution. (continued on page 212)

Tas LAUGHING AT Us. The OPEG countries are laughing up their

ILLUSTRATION BY ROGER HUYSSEN

PLAYBOY

174

“I may not be much to look at, but my foreplay is dynamite.”

the goldsmith’s uw

Ribald Classic

from A New Atlantis for the Year 1758, printed by M. Thrush, Fleet Street, London

THE GOLDSMITH entered the chamber and,
secing his wife, accosted her thus: "Му
dear, I've come a day sooner than
expected.”

“You're very welcome, love," said she,
yet looking as one who's been surprised.

“Aha!” said he, looking about the
chamber. “A wig new powdered and I'm
sure it's none of mine, And a pair of
breeches on the bed:

"They're yours for aught I know," said
the wife a little surlily.

"Let me see what there is in 'em," he
said, searching in the pockets and pulling
out a gold watch, nine or ten guineas, a
silver snuftbox and several picklocks. “So
ho! You can get none to serve you but
some Newgate stallion who breaks into
houses by picking the locks? Where is this.
villain that I may run my sword into his
heart?"

Poor, dejected Bramble, afraid of being
stuck to the floor, now came trembling
out from underneath the bed and begged
on him to save life and so he would
tell him all he knew.

"Don't tell me what you know,” cried.
the goldsmith, “but tell me what satis-
faction I shall have for that you did defile
my bed.”

"Indeed," answered he, "I never did it
but once before.”

With that, the wife with open mouth
came to and said, “O villain, art
thou not ashamed thus falsely to accuse
me? Hast thou not been soliciting me to
uncleanness for a long time and I refused
it always? And did I not, tiring of that,
appoint thee to come here tonight be-
cause I knew that my husband would be
at home to reward thee?"

"I am satisfied that there en’t an
honester woman in the kingdom,” said
the goldsmith. “Why, ‘tis she that has
discovered all your roguery."

"Please give me leave to put some
clothes on,” said Bramble, “and then but
let me speak and I will tell you how
false that woman is. First, I do acknowl-
edge that I did ofttimes solicit your wife
to lie with me. She sull refused until
the time I put in pawn a gold ring with
you and borrowed fifty guineas. Those 1
gave her and went to bed with her. I
thought nothing more of her until she
sent [or me yesterday morning to say that
you were away and that she loved me and
that she would return me both the
guineas and the ring if I but came here

' said the goldsmith, "why did
you need picklocks in your pocket?”

"To open the cabinet in which the
ring was put.”

Now I know that what you say is

false,” said the goldsmith, “for what need
had she to desire you to bring picklocks
when the key of the cabinet J'd left in her
keeping when I went out of town

“Very true, my dear,” replied his wife,
"and here it is in my chest of drawers."

“No, sirrah, you are a rascal and you
accuse my chaste and virtuous wife be-
cause she has discovered your baseness.
‘Tis plain enough that your design was
то debauch my wife and then to rob my
house; and I will make you suffer for't
before I have done with you. I have been
robbed of above five hundred pounds
already and, for aught I know, you may
be the thief, for I have found you in my
chamber underneath my bed while there
were picklocks in your breeches. Here,
boy, go call a constable.”

The poor beau, finding himself in such
bad circumstances, begged not to be sent
to gaol, for thus his reputation would be
lost forever. Matters were still private
and. if they could be kept so, let the gold-
smith make his demands.

This did somewhat qualify the gold-
smith’s passion and he called for his man
to fetch his books. There, he calculated
that the record showed that he had lost
some £400 by a thief, and he told Bram-
ble that he would take bond for
£350, including the 50 guineas he had.

ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD HOLLAND.

lent him on the ring. And the ring itself
Bramble should bestow on the gold-
smith's wife in satisfaction for the gross
manner in which he had abused her.

Hard terms, poor Bramble thought,
but better than going before a justice
and off to gaol.

The bonds being made and the ring
fetched, Bramble presented it to the
woman and desired her to forgive him for
the affront, And after they had restored
his clothes and other things and opened
a bottle of wine at parting, they let him
go. As he was going out the door, she
came and spoke to him and said that she
hoped that this would be a warning to
him forever after not to put tricks upon
gentlewomen or make his boast what
private favors he had received from ‘em.

FORTUNE

Thus still the bawd tempts all she
can to sin

And leaves them in the lurch when
once they're in.

To heap up gold, which she so much
adores,

She makes men atheists and makes
women whores.

She lives by sin and if she can but

gain,
Ba

She has her end. Let those who
list complain.

PLAYBOY

176 when Claudia rec

CLAUDIA RECAPTURED

(continued from page 118)

“<I don't have boyfriends. I have men who are friends

and I have love affairs. Great love affairs.

222

Claudia was semiretired. "I quit the busi-
ness for two years. 1 had worked so long
and so hard, 1 had just lost touch. Now
that I've got my second breath, I'm going
to come out real strong this next year.
Teil ‘em Jennings is back on board.”

When Claudia talks about her decade
in Hollywood as a perennially promising
girl abour town moving up, down and
sideways across the starspangled land-
scape, you'd better listen. “It’s not bad
out here; it's just very tough. I see what's
become of people who started out exactly
when I did, and it's frightening. There
are so many things to divert your ener-
gies. You can stay high all the time, party
every night; there are a thousand traps."

She projects a steely, streetsmart.
image on camera that the real Claudia
Jennings calls a total contradiction.
“Actually, I have led а very sheltered
life, seeing a lot but not doing all that
much. I never even knew about drugs,
never even tried marijuana until 1 was
26. 1 thought I'd turn purple and grow
daws where my hands were supposed
to be.”

When she came to L.A., Claudia and
record producer-songwriter Bobby Hart
made beautiful music almost instantly.
"They kept house together for five or six
years. “Then I met Jack, my dentist. Jack
Garfield. He's everyone's dentist out
here. Bobby is still my best friend; we're
inseparable. With Jack, I got to the point
of seriously discussing marriage, but our
relationship had quite a different end-
ing. That was a hot affair . . . very."

David Niven, Jr, Jonathan Axelrod
and Jim Randall (Marisa Berenson's ex)
now top a list of regular escorts whom
Claudia classifies as friends, not to be
confused with a mysterious, attentive
millionaire businessman whose current
passions are Claudia and championship
tennis. She refuses to name him. Is he
bigger than a breadbox? "He's a lot
bigger,” Claudia acknowledges gleefully.
“L don't have boyfriends. 1 have men
who are friends, and I have love affairs.
Great love affairs. Generally, I hate go-
ing out. I hate dinner parties, hate open-
ings. What I like best is staying home
with my old man, whoever he happens
to be. A real normal life.”

Career goals, however, are her con-
suming interest for the moment. We had
scarcely begun to talk about where she'd.
been and where she wanted to go next
ed an important

phone call, redalerting her that she was
a prime candidate to replace Kate Jack-
son as the new Charlie's Angel this fall
season. Within the week, she'd had ап
interview, a screen test, a chance to grab
the golden apple of TV superstardom
and was on the phone sounding as if
she'd been caught in a flash flood. "I'm
sitting here on tenterhooks, I can't
speak," she reported. "Whether it's yes
or no, I'll be all right as soon as I know.
Don't go away. Whatever happens, I
bounce back.”

Two days later, the bad news behind
her—Charlies new Angel, she had
learned, would be model Shelley Hack—
Claudia bounced into a Beverly Hills
bar wearing white—white-silk shirt, tight
white pants, spiked sexy shoes—and
looking miraculously recovered. “Гуе got
aid Claudia jokingly, "and
my nerves are shot, totally. Otherwise,
Fm OK. When they first called me, I
flew over there in my tennis shorts,
absolutely no make-up, hair flying, look-
ing like a cheerleader. I told ‘em I was
sorry about how I looked. They said:
You look wonderful . . . just be sweet,
gentle and Midwestern . . . don't be sassy.

“I never would have thought they'd
consider me. Because of my image, 1
guess . . . B-movie queen, tough lady,
PLAYBOY nude. Wouldn't they rather
play it safe? With such a successful show,
why risk getting even one angry letter?
None of that seemed to matter. I left

that first day, thrilled beyond belief be-

cause they seemed so high on me.”

Claudia screen-tested on a Wednesday.
“By the following Tuesday, I was hysteri-
cal. Pure wauma. I got word back that
my test was the best, without question.
Everyone said so, yet I didn't get the
part. I didn't understand why. 1 still
don't. I thought I had it. They should
have taken me, because I deliver. Any-
way, the whole experience was a real rush
for me, an honor. "They accepted me as
myself, wanted me to be myself. Playing
an Angel is completely opposite to what
I have done previously, and people have
heard and are calling me. Suddenly, I'm
a hot property for TV.”

While she waits to weigh the fringe
benefits of being a fallen Angel, Claudia
takes a down-to-earth view of her future.
“I just said no to a movie I was going
to do with Hardy Kruger. Not because it
had nudity in it but because it was the
same role I've played a mi

You know, another Truck-Stop Momma.
Those roles were the easiest thing for me
when I first came to L.A. I was hiding
them and felt very defensive. I didn't
want to take insipid, sexy roles or in-
gónue parts. I was afraid people would
think 1 was just a sex symbol, Guys
would come on to me, sure. So I walked
into every office with my dukes up, deter-
mined to prove that 1 was bright, cul-
tured and not at all what they expected.

“Well, I proved that I was a good
actress. But I played the same part over
and over again. In 26 movies—I won't
even tell you the titles of some of them.”

She will mention such titles as 40
Carats, The Man Who Fell to Earth
("Working with Nick Roeg was fantas-
tic", Moonshine County
("Three hillbilly girls in Appalachi
a fun movie, good entertainment . . .
CBS keeps running it now and there's
talk of a possible TV series"), and even
Deathsport ("The worst movie Гуе ever
made, though David Carradine is one of
the best actors I ever worked with”).

By her own estimate, the new Claudia
"is a little more timid, a little more
fragile. That's OK, but I didn't use to
realize it. I never object anymore to my
reputation as queen of the Bs, because 1
was that, just as Jane Fonda was Bar-
barella, She grew and changed as a
person and has been able to show that
on film. I want to show who J am, too.

“Though it may sound contradictory,

my reappearance in PLaynoy is really my
salute to Hef and myself, ten years later.
Happy anniversary time. Both Hef and
Roger Corman—and Roger used women
in leading roles, long before everyone
else started doing it—have been extreme-
ly supportive during the past decade:
emotionally, professionally, in every way.
I'm very loyal to Hugh Hefner and to
Corman and feel blessed to have had
such friends.”
In work, love and friendship, Claudia
ims for at least 99 on a scale of 100.
Some people accept much less, but that's
their problem," she says. She adds, as
sisterly advice, a few simple precepts for
any who might choose to follow in
her fast-paced footsteps:

“Never compromise.

“Always stay true to yourself.

“Don’t do anything the whole world
can't know about.

“Above all, hold yourself in the high-
est esteem.

"My God." Claudia finishes her second
bloody mary and sits back with a pensive,
provocative smile, as И surprised at her-
self. “Гуе led my life that way because
it's important to me. Maybe I am an
angel, hmm? rLAYBov's angel.”

That's our girl.

TRE LATEST FAD in chic New York street food is something called meat sticks—
bite-sized chunks of beef, charcoal broiled on small bamboo skewers, eaten
alfresco. Introduced to the Big Apple during a recent rash of ethnic-food fairs,
they are now hawked all over town, with vendors setting up portable grills or
hibachis on any likely corner. This culinary innovation is, in fact, a Western-
ized version of saté, the favorite nosh of southeast Asia. From Bandung to
Singapore, open-air food stalls offer sates—bamboo or palm-leaf skewers strung
with cubes of well-seasoned grilled chicken, beef, pork, shrimp . . . even water
buffalo or turtle, if that’s your pleasure. And sates (continued on page 258)

food By EMANUEL GREENBERG shish kabobs, shashliks
and sates point the way to the skewerable pleasures of the east

oA

CITY
STICK-ERS |

PLAYBOY

178

TOP OF THE HLL

(continued from page 158)

NES ee туше E Em
“Mrs. Heggener wants you, and what madam wants,

we supply. It’s not a favor. She’s hard to please.

'ou're something," he said.
lady does her best,” she said and
kissed him again.

Well, he thought, be grateful for the
small gifts the night bestows.

P

The next morning, Michael ate a late
hearty breakfast in the deserted dining
room. Looking out the window, he saw
that it had snowed, but lightly, and what
there was on the lawn was already melt-
ing in the warm sunshine. No skiing
today. No matter.

Mrs. Heggener, as he still thought of
her, was nowhere to be seen. He remem-
bered that Cully had told her he wanted
to talk to him and when he had finished
went out to get into the car
and drive into town to the ski school.

He found him not at the ski school but
at the diner, having coffee, He was seated
alone ata table in a corner, drinking out
of a mug and scowling at a newspaper he
had spread in front of him. Cully was a
big man, much heavier than when Mi-
chael had seen him last, and was begin-
ning to grow bald.

“Hello, Dave," Michael said.

Cully looked up. “Hi,” he said.

“Mrs. Heggener tells me you'd like to
lk to me.”

ly nodded. "Sit down. Coffee?”

Thanks.”

Cully called to the waitress behind the
counter, He examined Michael across the
“You

table. seem to have weathered

Michael said.
given odds you'd be
d Cully. His voice was

“I would
dead by now,

heavy, without timbre or inflections. “No-
body would've taken them."

“I'm still around.”

“So I see. Thanks, Sally,” he said, as
the waitress brought the coffee. "It looks
as though it ain't going to snow before
Christmas this

ar,” he said, looking un-
the blue sky through the
the diner.

town unless you can ski. Wharll you do
with yourself.

"I saw a poster in town for a hang-
gliding school. On a mice day, I might
take a few flights.

Cully looked at him incredulously.
"Don't tell me you still go in for that
sort of thing."

“Occasionall
chael asked.

“At my age? My idiot days're over.”

“You're missing some great kicks.”

. You ever try it?” Mi-

ووو

"You mean to say you like it?”

"Why else would I do it?”

"Showboating. Look, Ma, how brave 1
am." Cully looked sharply at him. “Those
exhibitions you gave doing double somer-
saults and. twists off cliffs. Almost every
kid here could beat you in the downhill,
but they wouldn't dare try half the things
you did."

“I had a peculiar talent,” Michael said
mildly. “I worked out tumbling for years
in gyms. It was fun. .

“Maybe,” Cully admitted. “Maybe. But
maybe you were trying to prove some-
thing to yourself that you didn’t ever
want to admit was bugging you. You
really serious about saying you might
want to work this year?” he asked abrupt-
ly, getting down to business. Michiel
realized that they had been sparring with
each other, feeling each other out. “Mrs.
Heggener called me,” Cully said, “and
said you might, and that if you were
going to teach, she wanted you assigned
to her. I said Td arrange it if you were
serious.”

“T guess 1 am," Michael said.

“You were a good teacher. I won't say
yea or nay about your off-time activities.”
Cully grinned soi “You been skiing
much? You lock in good shape. Better
than me," he said glumly. “If you want
the job, it's yours, and glad to have you
back.”

“Are you sure?” Michael asked doubt-
fully.

“Mrs. Heggener wants you and in this
town, what madam wants, we supply. I
ain't doing you any favors. She's a hard
lady to please. Last year she went through
four instructors. Just make sure there's
no damage to the goods from now to
April. You'll earn your pay. Which ain't.
saying much. If you don't get killed
dropping out of the clouds before lunch,
come into the office this afternoon and
ТШ fit you into one of these jackets and a
Green Hollow sweater; they're due in by
three р.м. And if we ever get any snow,
maybe we could do a couple of runs
together.”

“Thanks,” Michael said, standing.

.

g-gliding school was in a nar-
ley, with a respectable hill behind
g above it. A battered pickup
truck and a mud-spattered living trailer,
each with GREEN EAGLE HANG-GLIDING
SCHOOL painted on in irregular letters,
stood nearby.

Just as a glider was slowly circling for
a landing, Michael looked up and felt

the first tingle of excitement. The man
in the glider landed expertly and came
toward him. Young and gangling, blond,
with a sad, sunburned, skinny face, he
introduced himself as Jerry Williams,
proprietor.

Michael told him that he had been up.
a few times before and wanted to go up
today. Williams agreed, took him up to
the wooded mountain in his truck and
warned him not to wind up in a tree,
and that if he busted the machine, he'd
have to pay.

Michael agreed to the terms. After
reaching the top of the hill, Williams
checked to see that everything was secure.
Michael could feel his body trembling
with impatience as he took three deep
brcaths and started running. The wings
made him feel like a land-bound bird as
he soared off in the updraft. “Ah,” he
whispered to himself, “ah, God.”

He banked to the left, then to the right,
and all too quickly, he banked down,
everything in dreamy slow motion, time
suspended. Williams asked if he wanted
to go up again, but Michael declined.
Williams told him that when the season
started, there'd be some competitions.
“Tricks, landing in target circles, length
and duration of flight, stuff like that. 1
ady signed up.

time. . . .” He said goodbye to Williams.
As he drove back to town, he was hum-
ming.

.
It had. become a routine, each evening,
after dinner, which Michael and Eva
Heggener ate together in the dining
room, for them to go for a walk, with the
retriever trotting beside them. Although
there was still no snow, there were a few
guests who had booked their rooms
advance and who by the hour kept look-
ing hopefully up at the recalcitrant sky.

This night the sky was overcast and the
moon could not be seen and Michael took
along a pocket flashlight to light their
way. Eva had been especially silent dur-
ing dinner.
ally, she said, “There will be some
slight changes tomorrow. My husband is
arrivin

"Oh," Michael said. He didn't know
how Eva expected him to receive this
news. "Perhaps," he said uneasily, “1
should find another place to live."

"I've been thinking about that,” Eva
said. "And I want to show you some-
thing.”

"They were approaching а large stone
gate, behind which was the main house,
which was in the process of being redone,

y swung open onto
a graveled driveway, “Let's go in here,"
she said, Just behind and to one side of
the gate, there was a small brick cottage.
Eva took out a key and opened the door

>, — )

“ep

“Snow White withheld her favors this morning,

179

so we all got up Grumpy.”

PLAYBOY

and flipped on a light inside. "Come in,
come in," she said. “This is the gatekeep-
er's cottage, from a time when there still
were gatekeepers.”

The living room was quite large, with
a Victorian sofa covered in worn beige
silk and a big desk and old oil lamps now
wired for electricity. There was a fireplace
with the mounted head of a stag with
spreading antlers over the mantelpiece.
Through an open door, he could see a
small kitchen. Another door led, he saw,
to a bedroom. There was even a tele-
phone and a television set.

“How would you like to live here? The
big house is four hundred yards away and
there are woods in between and you can
make all the noise you want without dis-
turbing us or our seeing who comes and
goes here. You can make yourself useful,
shoveling snow, keeping the driveway
clear, bringing in wood for the fire, driv-
ing my husband when he's too tired or
I'm too busy, things like that. We have a
maid, but she's seventy years old and she's
barely strong enough to cook our meals.
Naturally, we wouldn't expect you to
pay rent.”

“I could always sell my Porsche,” Mi-
chael said, “and live in luxury at the
hotel and I wouldn't have to bring in
the wood.” She was, he felt, talking to
him as though she were hiring a servant.

“Once I move into the house,” she said
coldly, “it will not be possible for me to
visit you in the hotel. I hope you under-
stand that. Unless, of course, that is of no
importance to you.’

He took her in his arms and kissed
her. "Ill show you later how little im-
portance it has for me."

She pulled back, smiling, then opened
her coat and pressed hard against him.
"I would like a demonstration immedi-
ately,” she said. “Let us inaugurate this
dear little house here and now.”

He followed her into the bedroom,
where she had turned on a lamp next to
the big, oversized bed, with a patchwork
quilt. He closed the door to keep the dog.
in the g room. There were some
sights, he believed, that dogs should not
be allowed to see.

„

That night, in his hotel room, Michael
was having a nightmare. He was going
down a steep, icy slope on skis, with
mean little rocks showing in the bare
spots and sparks flying up from his skis
as the steel edges hit the rocks and threw.
him off balance. He was going faster and
faster and below him there was a deep,
dark gully. The wind was screaming past
his ears, as his speed became greater and
greater as he neared the gully. He tried
to stop, but he knew it was impossible on
that ice. He screamed, but the wind took
the sound out of his mouth, He knew he

180 Was going to crash and he knew it was

going to be bad and he resigned himself
to how bad it was going to be.

Then the telephone rang and he awoke,
sweating. His hand shook as he reached
for the receiver.

It was Dave Cully. He sounded happy.
“Mike,” he said, “it's really coming
down. There should be over a foot of
new powder by morning. I'm opening
the lifts at nine. How about making the
first run of the season with те?"

“Great,” Michael said, trying to keep
his voice steady. “I'll be there.”

He left the drapes pulled open so he
could watch the snow fall and got into
bed and tried to go back to sleep, but the
phone rang again. It was Susan Hartley,
the woman Antoine thought he was in
love with, calling from New York. She
told Michael that she and Antoine were
arriving Friday night. “Stay up for us.”

He sank back into bed, pulling the
blankets around him, half-hypnotized by
the steady, straight, silent fall of snow
outside the window, and fell asleep quick-
ly and did not dream.

.

Cully was waiting for him at the chair
lift exactly at nine in the morning. The
slopes above them shone untracked in
the sunlight. Cully had an expression of
faraway, almost sensuous pleasure on his
weathered, tough face. All he said as
Michael greeted him was, "It's about
time we had it.”

"They rose steadily and silently upward
through the swath cut in the forest for
the chair lift.

At the top, they skied down the little
slope off the lift. Then, without saying
anything, Cully skied off on a traverse on
the bald top of the mountain. Michael
followed, It was as steep a hill as any
Michael had skied anywhere. It dropped,
almost sheer, below them, for a straight
100 yards, then veered sharply to the left,
out of sight, into the forest.

“Follow me, you son of a bitch,” Mi-
chael said and skated off and down, He
whistled tunelessly as he sped straight
downhill. He had wanted to schuss the
whole thing to the turn, but he knew he
was out of control halfway down and it
wouldn’t do to wind up smeared against
a tree on the first run of the winter. As
he made his turn to brake his speed, he
saw Cully glide past him, his skis together,
pointed straight downhill. Michael was
relieved to see that at least Cully didn't
schuss the whole face but made four
turns before stopping and waiting at the
place where the run curved into the
forest.

“Pretty good for an old fart,” Michael
said when he stopped beside Cully.

From then on, Cully was merciless.
Comradely, smiling, but merciless. He
never stopped, never looked back,
jumped bumps 20 feet in the air, landed
lightly asa bird.

Michael hung on doggedly, sweating
through his parka, his city muscles scream-
ing within his legs, fell twice, forced him-
self to scramble up and pound down
after the inexorable broad back below
him.

It was nearly noon before Cully final-
ly stopped and asked as he was bending
over a ski, “Have a good morning?

“Never had a better on Michael
gasped, leaning forward on his ski poles.
“Thanks.”

When he got back to the hotel, he
asked if there were any messages, There
was. Mrs. Heggener wished to ski at 2:30
that afternoon. He hoped she wouldn't
be as active on the slopes as she was in

bed.

.

At 2:30 promptly, Eva came down into
the lobby. She was wearing a navy-blue
ski outfit that showed off her figure and
a fur hat that made her delicately col-
ored, sharply cut face look like that of a
court beauty in an old Dutch painting.
She glanced up at the clock over the
front desk and nodded approvingly at
Michael's promptness. _

They drove to the lift in Michael's
Porsche, and at the bottom of the lift,
Michael bent and put on her skis.

As they mounted in the crystalline, si-
lent air, Eva asked if he played backgam-
mon. He did. She explained that her
husband was always looking for partners
but warned Michael to be careful, be-
cause he was а wily player.

She then invited him to have dinner
with the two of them that evening. Mi-
chael accepted, though he wondered why
they didn’t have dinner alone his first
night back.

“Do you know the slopes by now?” she
asked, as they reached the top.

“Cully had me all over the place,” Mi-
chael said, “and I've looked at the maps
of the runs. Do you have any prefer-
ences?"

“Any run but the Black,” she said. The
Black Knight was the first one Cully had
taken him on that morning. “Steep places
give me vertigo. Go ahead, now, I'll
follow you. I'll tell you if you're going
too fast for me.”

Michael set off on the easiest of the
slopes, looking back from time to time
to see how Eva was doing. She skied con-
fidently and with grace and had obviously
had a great deal of expert instruction.
He put on speed and she followed on the
heels of his sl Vertigo, my ass, he
thought. What is she trying to prove?

It was getting dark when they made
their last descent, this time with Michacl
going at about three-quarter speed and
Eva having no trouble keeping up with
him. When they stopped near the lodge,
her face was glowing as she looked up at
the mountain and said, her voice tinkling

(continued on page 262)

PLAYBOY'S

PIGSKIN PREVIEW

sports By ANSON MOUNT the countrys leading expert
gives his pre-season picks for the top college teams and players

Two Playbay All-Americas mesh their skills as USC offensive lineman Brad Budde clears the way for running back Charles White in last
January's Rase Bowl. The Trojans, aur pick as the team mast likely to capture this year’s national champianship, defeated Michigan 17-10.

football buffs who earn average livings in ordinary
jobs. He is George Patton, John Wayne and Billy
Graham rolled into one. The college football coach is a
much-envied man. Yet his may be onc of the most pressure-
ridden and insecure jobs around. A few lost games can turn
an adoring public into one that dumps garbage on his lawn.
College football coaches who hang on long enough to
qualify for the university pension plan are rare, indeed. Of
the 128 major college teams we cover in this preview, 22
have new coaches this fall. That's a 17 percent turnover in
one year. Four of the Big Eight schools have new coaches.
Lee Corso has been head coach at Indiana only six years,
yet he is second only to Michigan’s Bo Schembechler in
Big Ten seniority.
But there are a few coaches—very few—who make it big
and have the job security of John Paul II. How do they do

H E inspires the Walter Mitty fantasies of millions of

TOP 20 TEAMS

1. Southern Cal.. 10-1 11. South Carolina .
2. Purdue . 12. Auburn ..

3. Alabama . Washingfan .
4. Texas .. . Michigan State .
5. Penn State . . Houstan ..

6. Nebraska . . Flarida Stote .
7. Stanford . Natre Dame
8. Michigan . . Georgia .
9. Oklahama . . М. Carolina St. .
10. Pittsburgh . 20. Arizona State ..

Possible Breakthroughs: Ohio State (8-3), Baylor (8—3),
North Texas State (9-2), Florida (8-3), North Carolina
(8-3), Texas Tech (7-4), Texas A & М (7-4).

PLAYBOY'S 1979 PREVIE

Left to right, top to bottom: Tim Foley (73), lineman, Notre Dame; Anthony Munoz (77), lineman, USC; John Robinson, USC, Playboy's Coach
of the Year; Mork Herrmann (9), quorterbock, Purdue; Brad Budde (71), linemon, USC; Melvin Jones (75), lineman, Houston; Jim Ritcher
(51), center, North Carolina Stote; Darrin Nelson (31), runner, Stonford; Emanvel Tolbert (21), receiver, SMU; Johnny Jones (26),
receiver, Texas; Charles White (12), runner, USC; Billy Sims (20), runner, Oklahoma; Rex Robinson (5), ploce kicker, Georgia.

L to г: Purdue posser Mork Herrmann, Stanford runner Darrin Nel-
son, SMU receiver Emonuel Tolbert, Oklahoma runner Billy Sims.

W ALL-AMERICA TEAM

left to right, top to bottom: Clevelond Crosby (95), linemor, Arizona; Jim Stuckey (83), lineman, Clemson; Ron Simpkins (40), line-
backer, Michigon; Dovid Hodge (42), linebacker, Houston; Miller (39), punter, Mississippi; Roland Jomes (14), back, Tennessee;
Doug Ma (73), linemon, Woshinglon; Johnnie Johnson (27), bock, Texos; Scot Brontley (55), linebacker, Flori Dove Waymer
(34), back, Notre Dame; Kenny Easley (5), back, University of California at Los Angeles; Hugh Green (99), lineman, Pittsburgh.

HOUSTON

Lto r: Arizona lineman Cleveland Crosby, Michigan linebocker Ron
Simpkins, UCLA safety Kenny Easley, USC coach John Robinson.

184

THE ALL-AMERICA SQUAD

(Listed in order of excellence ot their positions, cll hove
о good chonce of making someone's All-America team]

QUARTERBACKS: Mike Ford (Southern Methodist), Rich Campbell (Colifornio),
Art Schlichter (Ohio Stotel, Phil Brodley (Missouri), Poul McDonald (Southern
Colifornicl, Bill Hurley (Syrocuse!, Roch Hontos (Tulonel, Mork Malone (Arizona:
тоте), Marc Wilson (Brighem Young)

RUNNING BACKS: Vogos Ferguson (Notre Dome), Jomes Hodnot [Texas Tech),
I. M. Hipp INebrosko), Joe Steele (Washington, Curtis Dickey (Texos A & М),
James Wilder (Missouri), Jomes Brooks (Auburn), Mott Suhey (Penn State), Major
Ogilvie (Alebomol, Amos Lawrence (North Carolina), Marion Barber (Minnesota),
Joe Cribbs (Auburn), George Rogers (South Carolina)

RECEIVERS: Merdye McDole (Missi Stote), Merk Brammer (Michigan State),
Ken Margerum (Stonford), Junior Miller (Nebroskal, Cris Collinsworth (Florido),
Eugene Byrd (Michigan Stotel, Dove Horongody (Indiana), Bubba Garcia (Texos—
El Розо), Eugene Goodlow (Kansas State), Doug Donley (Ohio State)

OFFENSIVE LINEMEN: Greg Kolenda (Arkonsos), John Schmeding (Boston Col-
legel, Ken Fritz (Ohio Stole), Allon Kennedy (Washington Stotel, John Arbeznik
(Michigan), Croig Wolfley (Syracuse), Roy Snell (Wisconsin)

CENTERS: Dwight Stephenson (Alobamo), Brent Boyd (UCLA), Roy Donaldson
[Georgio], Poul Tabor Oklahomo)

DEFENSIVE LINEMEN: Bruce Clork (Penn Stolel, Согу Don Johnson (Baylor), Ron
Simmons (Floride State), Hosea Toylor (Houston), John Adams (Louisiana Stotel,
Keeno Turner (Purdue), Dove Ahrens (Wisconsin), Mott Millen (Penn Stote), Steve
McMichael (Техоз), Jocob Green (Texos A & M)

LINEBACKERS: Mike Singletory (Baylor, Mozell Axson (Місті), Dennis Johnson
{Southern Colifornio), John Corker (Oklahoma Stotel, George Cumby (Oklahoma),
Mike Forrest (New Mexico), Brod Vossor (Pacific), Ben Apuno (Arizona Statel,
Lance Taylor (Техоз), Otis Wilson (Lovisville)

DEFENSIVE BACKS: Mork Haynes (Colorado), Woodrow Wilton (North Corolina
Stotel, Pete Harris (Penn Stote), Dorrol Roy (Oklahomo), Ricky Borden (North
Careline), Lovie Smith (Tulso]

KICKERS: Mike Lonsford (Washington), Bill Adams (Texos Tech), Steve Steinke
{Utah Stote). Joe Williams (Wichita Stotel, Croia Jones (Virginia Militory)

TOP NEWCOMERS

(Incoming freshmen ond transfers who should make it big)

Willie Sydnor, гесејуег sce УУДА ЕУ,

Jimmy Smith, running back .

Keith Chappelle, receiver . ^

Rober! Budde, offensive linemon 2 Wisconsin

Joe Lukens, offensive linemon - Ohio Stote

Tony Hunter, receiver ... Notre Dome

Glenn Ford, running bock .

Buford McGee, running bock

Molcolm Scott, tight end

Chris Jones, running bock

Leon Chadwick, receiver ..

Clyde Riggins, running bock .

Keith Deorring, running back

Соту Shefiey, defensive linemen .
itchell Bennett, receiver . "Southern Methodist

ickerson, running bock „Southern Methodist

Tom Jones, quorterbock б ..-Árkonsos.

Reuben Jones, quorterbock „Texas Christion

Eric Hipp, Kicker ... «Southern Colifornio

John Elway, quorterbock Stanford

Wayne VanDerloo, kicker . SUE В -Wyoming

Claudio Cipolla, quorterbock. . . .Pocific

Oklahomo Stole

it—whar are the elusive characteristics
of a successful college football coach?
We've discussed this with scores of
coaches over the past 20 years and have
assembled a check list of desirable attri-
butes in an approximately descending
order of importance:

1. Get a job at a major university with
an established football program and a
winning tradition (such as Notre Dame,
Southern California or Penn State),
where the recruiting process isn't so
much like selling used cars as choosing
goodies from a lavish buffet, Penn State,
for example, hasn't had a losing season
since 1938. It has had only four head
coaches since 1930, and one of them
served only a year on an interim basis.

2. Get a job at a large university with
a miscrable football program but a large
number of very rich alumni whose influ-
ence has not been creatively exploited by
previous coaches—then proceed to do so.
An amazing number of hotshot high
schoolers have decided on the university
of their choice after Daddy has unex-
pectedly received the job offer of a life-
time. One blue-chipper last winter
suddenly changed his educational plans
after his grandmother, a lady of very
modest means, bought him a $14,000
automobile.

3. Be a productive recruiter. That in-
volves the highly specialized ability to
charm the mothers of outsized teenagers.
Especially desirable assets are (A) a mo-
lasses voice with the timbre of the low
pedal on a pipe organ (such as Bear
Bryant), (B) the weathered good looks
of a Biblical prophet (also such as Bear
Bryant) and (C) the hypnotic persuasive-
ness of a traveling evangelist.

4. Be a combination of organizational
genius and father figure. Delegate all but
the most critical decisions to qualified
subordinates, leave the practice-field ass
kicking to the assistant coaches and be on
24-hour call to listen sympathetically to
the personal problems of a 280-pound
defensive tackle.

5. Concentrate your recruiting efforts
on offensive linemen, who are the scarcest
of all the building blocks of a successful
football squad because they must be not
only big, fast and quick but also reason-
ably intelligent. With the current squad
limits, almost every team in the land can
recruit a good supply of runners, receiv-
ers and defensive players of all sorts. But
good blockers are scarce because high
school coaches rarely put their best ath-
letes in the offensive line.

Now that you know how to do it,
apply for a job. There will be at least
two dozen openings next December. And
remember—the pay is good; at many ma-
jor schools, it runs to $45,000 per year
in salary and over $100,000 per year in

er

nall

u
grime

fringe benefits. And your wife gets two
free tickets to every game.

Lets take a look at how the various
coaches will make out this year.

THE EAST
INDEPENDENTS

Penn State
Pittsburgh

Syracuse

Colgate |

West Virginia
Boston College 3-8
Army 1-0

IVY LEAGUE

1-2 Columbia
1-2 Harvard

6-3 Pennsylvania
5-4 Princeton

TOP PLAYERS: Clark, Millen, Suhey, Harris
(Penn State); Green, Heath, Jacobs (Pitts-
burgh); Steward, Mangiero, Dorn (Rutgers);
O'Brien, Long (Villanova), Thornton, Mc-
Callister, Feldman (Navy); McCarty, Broomell
(Temple); Hurley, Wolfley, Monk (Syracuse);
Colosimo, Kimmel (Colgate); Holmes, Thomas
(West Virginia); Schmeding (Boston College);
Mayes (Army); Dufresne, Shula (Dartmouth);
DeStefano, Roth (Cornell); Sinnott, Farnham
(Brown); Hill, Regan (Yale); Biaggi (Colum-
bia); Woolway (Harvard); Winemaster (Penn-
sylvania); Crissy (Princeton).

Penn State will again be one of the
premier defensive teams in the nation,
but it will be very difficult for the Lions
to duplicate last season's 11-0 record be-
cause of graduation losses from the offen-
sive unit. Hardest vacancy to fill will be
the quarterback slot. Heir apparent to
the job is Dayle Tate, who is a better
runner than predecessor Chuck Fusina,
but he may be rusty after missing the
past two seasons with injuries. Best of
the offensive returnees is fullback Matt.
Suhey, who is already classed among
Penn State's all-time great runners. A.
replacement must also be found for rec-
ord-setting kicker Matt Bahr. There is, as
usual, a large supply of promising under-
study players on the Penn State squad.
It may take a few weeks for the offensive
unit to work the wrinkles out (and the
early-season schedule includes toughies
Texas A & M, Nebraska and Maryland),
but by midseason the Lions will be as
fearsome as usual.

Pittsburgh coach Jackie Sherrill has
revamped the Panther offense to take ad-
vantage of an abundance of talent at the
skilled positions. There are more prime-
quality athletes on the Pitt squad than in
any year since it won the national cham-
pionship in 1976, the legacy of three
excellent recruiting years. The passing
offense, featuring three fine quarterbacks
(Rich Trocano, Dan Daniels and Dan
Marino), will be greatly improved. The
defensive line, led by Playboy All-Amer-
ica end Hugh Green, will be nearly im-
pregnable. Also, the schedule is an easy

186 опе, with only North Carolina, Washing-

ton and Penn State offering promise of
much resistance.

Coach Frank Burns is rapidly build-
ing Rutgers into an Eastern power. Each
year, the schedule is upgraded, but re-
cruiting has been very good for several
seasons and the skill and size of the
players kecp improving. Both lines will
be strong and. experienced. The return
of both of last year's quarterbacks, plus
a prime crew of receivers and a veteran
group of fast runners, will give the Scar-
let Knights a high-scoring offense.

Alter three successful recruiting years
in a row, the Villanova team has better
depth than at any time within memory.
Another dimension will be added to the
offense (last season, the Wildcats did
little but run) with the arrival of super-
fast recciver Willie Sydnor, a transfer
from Northwestern.

Tt will be difficult for the Navy team
to duplicate its surprising success of last
fall, when it posted a 9-3 record and
wound up 17th in the national rankings.
Although the Middies will have a veteran
defense, their biggest and perhaps best
offensive line ever and an awesome run-
ning attack, the passing game looks prob-
lematical at best. New quarterback Bob
Powers is a better runner than passer.
Also, as coach George Welsh told us, “It
will be tougher to win games this year,
because other teams will spend more
time getting ready for us.”

Temple will field a fine passing team
with matured quarterback Brian Broom-
ell, a brace of excellent receivers and a
strong offensive line; but graduation dec-
imated the running attack. Fortunately,
the defensive unit will be the strongest
in many years.

It’s been a long and arduous recon-
struction process, but Syracuse is on the
verge of rejoining the major Eastern
football powers. Thirty-eight of last
year's top 44 players return. Quarterback
Bill Hurley, a slick ball handler, strong
runner and accurate passer, makes Syra-
сизе one of the most explosive teams in
the country. If opposing defenses key on
him, runner Art Monk is off like a rock-
et. Monk is also a dangerous receiver.
"The Orangemen play an ambitious sched-
ule this fall, but look for some pleasant
upsets along the way.

Although the Colgate team will again.
be very young, it will benefit from much
more depth and experience than last
years disappointing edition. Quarter-
back John Marzo and the offensive line
will be especially improved.

The '78 season was a disaster for the
West Virginia team. Facing the toughest
schedule in history with an extremely
young squad short on specd and skill, it
was physically whipped in the early
games, confidence faded and it was near
collapse by season's end. The Moun-

taineers will be a stronger and deeper
team this year, but (except for classy re-
ceiver Cedric Thomas) they will still be
short of explosive potential. The defense,
though still too small, slow and shallow,
will have more quality athletes, and the
schedule is a little easier. Despite all this
misfortune, there is much confidence in
the future in Morgantown—a new at-
tendance record was set last year and a
snazzy new stadium is now abuildin’.

Boston College, with an 0-11 record,
didn't have such a happy '78 season,
either. If the injury plague subsides, es-
pecially in the offensive line, incoming
hotshot freshman runner Shelby Gamble
may add a lot of gusto to the offense. As
many as 17 sophomores and several fresh-
men will see a lot of playing time this
fall. Incumbent quarterback Jay Pala-
zola could be displaced by sharp-passing
sophomore Dennis Scala before the sea-
son is over.

New Army coach Lou Saban, who has
made a career of rebuilding football
teams, both college and pro, takes on his
biggest challenge ever. Not only did
graduation take a heavy toll but several
players who would have been returning
starters have quit the team, leaving the
always-thin Cadet squad with fewer warm
bodies than ever. There are abundant
opportunities for any incoming recruits,
particularly in the skilled positions. A
few of this season’s starters and most of
the backup personnel will be inexperi-
enced. It will be a bleak autumn on the
Hudson.

Dartmouth, last fall's surprise Ivy
League title winner, still looks like the
team to beat. Coach Joe Yukica will have
some patching to do, especially in the of-
fensive line and the linebacker corps. A
new quarterback must be found, with
Larry Margerum the leading contender
for the job.

Last year was the first winning cam-
paign at Cornell since 1972 and the Big
Red should have even more success this
time. If a top-grade runner can be found
to complement the skills of quarterback
Mike Ryan, Cornell could be a leading
contender for the Ivy championship.

The Brown team should profit from an
abatement of the injury epidemic. The
Brownies’ principal enigma on entering
preseason drills will be locating a new
quarterback. The rest of the offensive
unit is in great shape, with excellent
depth and talent in both the line and the
backfield.

Yale coach Carm Cozza must find re-
placements for 18 departed starters, but
there are enough quality players waiting
in the wings for the Elis again to have a
good chance to capture the champion-
ship. The man most likely to be quarter-
back is Dennis Dunn, a transfer from
Montana State. He will be working with

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PLAYBOY

a deep stable of running backs, includ-
ing elusive speedster Ken Hill.

The Columbia team will have a much-
improved running game, thanks to the
arrival of a strong group of sophomores.
Senior Larry Biondi and junior Bob
Conroy will battle for the starting quar-
terback job and soph Steve Wallace
could become one of the better receivers
їп the East.

The Harvard offensive platoon was
nearly obliterated by graduation. Brian
Buckley is the leading candidate for the
quarterback job, but it may be impossi-
ble to adequately restructure the offensive
line, and the running will be much less
impressive than a year ago.

Both the Pennsylvania and the Prince-
ton teams sustained severe graduation
losses and this will be a rebuilding year
at both schools. The Quakers, fortunate-
ly, have a sterling crop of sophomores,
and one of them must be groomed for
the quarterback position in pre-season
drills. Princeton coach Frank Navarro's
main job will be replacing the entire
offensive line. Cris Crissy could become
the premier runner in the Ivy League be-
fore he graduates.

THE MIDWEST

BIG TEN
Purdue oa Minnesota
Michigan

Wisconsin
Michigan State $3 lowa
Ohio Stale 8-3

Illinois
Indiana 6-5 Northwestern

MID-AMERICAN CONFERENCE

Ball State 9-2 Toledo
Central Kent State
Michigan 9-2 Northern
Western. Minois.
Michigan 7-4 Bowling Green
Eastern
Michigan
INDEPENDENTS

Notre Dame 8-3 Cincinnati
Louisville. T4

TOP PLAYERS: Herrmann, Turner (Purdue);
Simpkins, Greer (Michigan); Brammer, Bass,
Anderson (Michigan State); Schlichter, Fritz
(Ohio State); Harongody, Harkrader (Indiana);
Barber, Kitamann (Minnesota); Ahrens, Snell
(Wisconsin); Chappelle (lowa); Norman (Ий-
nois); Strasser (Northwestern); Brown, Hin-
ton (Ball State); Hogeboom, Jackson (Central
Metian Manns, Murphy (Western Michi-
fansite roves (Ohio); Hunter (Mic Ноћ
erger (Toledo); McQueen, Hrenya (Kent
State); Lewendoski (Northern Ili
(Bowling Green); Johnson (Eastern Michigan);
Waymer, Foley, Ferguson, Huffman (Notre
Dame); Wilson, Henry (Louisville); Harvin,
Bell (Cincinnati).

University 6-5
5-5

5-6

"The long and tiresome era when Mich-
igan and Ohio State dominated Big Ten
football has ended. The Wolverines and
the Buckeyes have not exactly turned
into patsies, but for the first time in a
decade, neither is a preseason favorite

188 for the conference title. This year, the

nod goes to Purdue. Going into fall prac-
tice, the Boilermakers seem to have every-
thing needed to give them a shot at both
the conference and the national cham-
pionships. Sixteen returning starters pro-
vide a wealth of experience, Playboy
All-America quarterback Mark Herr-
mann has enough quality receivers for
two teams, a flock of fleet runners keeps
opposing defenders off guard and the de-
fense is veteran, quick and strong. Add
a superb crop of recruits, best of whom is
highly touted running back Jimmy Smith,
and a favorable schedule (Ohio State has
been replaced by Minnesota and the two
toughest opponents, Michigan and Notre
Dame, must play in West Lafayette), and
nothing short of a plague should keep
the Boilers out of January s Rose Bowl.

If Purdue does falter, both Michigan
and Michigan State, last year's co-winners
of the Big Ten tide, will be waiting in
the wings. Michigan coach Bo Schem-
bechler must find replacements for seven
graduated offensive starters. The quarter-
back. slot is the most vital problem, with
B. J. Dickey and Gary Lee the prime
candidates for the job. Guard John Ar-
beznik and tackle Bubba Paris are big and
quick enough to cushion severe gradua-
ton losses in the offensive line. Much
help could come from a fine group of
freshmen, including two promising quar-
terbacks (Rich Hewlett and Steve O'Don-
nell), either of whom could be a starter
by season's end. The veteran defensive
unit, built around Playboy All-America
linebacker Ron Simpkins, will be much
stronger than a year ago and should hold
off the enemy while the attackers work
out the kinks.

Michigan State will also unveil a new
quarterback, sophomore Bert Vaughn,
who is short on experience but very long
on potential. There is a plethora of
heady runners on tap, with tailbacks
Steve Smith and Derek Hughes the best
bets for stardom. Mark Brammer could
be the best tight end in the country. Also
like the Wolverines, the Spartans will
have a deep and veteran defensive unit
that should dominate most opposing of-
fenses. An important psychological plus
is the expiration of the N.C.A.A. proba-
tion period, giving the Spartans a chance
for a bowl bid at season's end.

New Ohio State coach Earle Bruce in-
herits 2 squad that features a superb
quarterback (Art Schlichter), a great re-
ceiver (Doug Donley), some dependable
runners, but (compared with Buckeye
squads in years past) not much else. Said
a veteran of the Ohio State athletic de-
partment, “I've been here nearly 30 years,
and I don't remember a season when we
had such a shortage of big, tough linemen
оп both sides of the scrimmage line.”
The defense, subpar last season, will

again be a problem arca. Bruce will like-
ly resort to multiple defensive alignments
in an effort to confuse opponents. With
all this, Buckeye fans can at least look
forward to a lot of high-scoring games.

The Indiana team will be much im-
proved just from the healing of last
season's multiple injuries. New quarter-
back Tim Clifford has a better arm and
better receivers than his predecessor, and
the runningback positions are so over-
loaded with talent that an impressive
group of incoming freshman tailbacks
may have to switch to other positions.
There will be plenty of job openings
across the line of scrimmage—eight start-
ing defenders got diplomas last spring.
One source of optimism is the schedule,
on which Vanderbilt, Kentucky and Colo-
rado have replaced Louisiana State,
Washington and Nebraska. How's that
for a serendipitous swap?

New Minnesota coach Joe Salem, an
avid disciple of the aerial game, intends
to fill the air with footballs in Minneapo-
lis this fall. He will have a choice of five
promising quarterbacks, including highly
touted incoming freshman Tom Pence.
Whoever gets the job (Wendell Avery
and Mark Tonn are the best bets) will
have the benefit of a big, strong and ex-
perienced offensive line. Tailback Marion
Barber, only a junior, will almost certain-
ly break Paul Giel's career rushing record
this season. Enthusiasm among the Min-
nesota fans is at a high pitch. They
remember Salem as a very popular back-
up quarterback (to Sandy Stephens) when
Minnesota last won the national cham-
pionship in the early Sixties, and they
feel he can take the Gophers back to the
Rose Bowl in the near future.

Although the Wisconsin team lost last
year's leading rusher and top pass receiver
and the heart of the line, the replace-
ments are more than adequate. The de-
fensive unit, however, will have serious
depth problems and many positions will
be filled by a good-looking group of red-
shirts. Until they get some experience
under their helmets, the young Badgers
will be heavily dependent on the leader-
ship of sterling linebacker Dave Ahrens
and quarterback Mike Kalasmiki.

New Iowa coach Hayden Fry, who has
successfully doctored two previous foot-
ball programs (Southern Methodist and
North Texas State), now undertakes the
most difficult healing job of his career.
Fry has backed up his promise to field a
gambling throw-on-any-down Hawkeye
attack by recruiting two bazooka-armed
junior college quarterbacks (Tony Ric-
ciardulli and Gordy Bohannan) and the
nation’s leading junior college receiver
(Keith Chappelle). Unfortunately, the
schedule includes five teams that went to
bowls last season. Incoming freshman

r
manor: VOOUA 60 а 100 PROOF DSTRLED FROM ORAM

Y
S ru
EP вагонот FES. ором OF HEUS Ee PC | НАТРОН CT- WADE NUS A

PLAYBOY

kicker Reggie Roby should make a big
splash his first year.

"The Illinois team has suffered through
two miserable seasons in a row. Last year's
debacle was caused primarily by a tend-
ency to fumble the ball in critical situ-
ations, a problem undoubtedly related to
the fact that 32 members of the 54-man
travel squad were freshmen or sopho-
mores. The Illini thus should benefit
enormously from experience. Help will
also come from a jackpot group of re-
cuits.

If Illinois had a bad year in '78, North-
western fared worse—not a single win.
The main problem was the defense,
where the players were small, green, in-
experienced and hurt most of the time.
This fall, the Wildcats will be heavily
dependent on a promising group of
freshmen, several of whom could displace
last year’s starters before the first game аг
Michigan (what а baptism"). The Wild-
cats major hope for respectability lies in
the passing game—quarterback Kevin
Strasser and his kiddie corps of receivers
could be impressi.

The Mid-American Conference race
looks like a dead heat between Ball State
nd Central Michigan. The Muncie Car-
dinals, with a strong offense and а wi
ened defensive unit, will be a
age of their '78 edition. Qi
Mark O'Connell looked great in spring
practice and‘ could displace incumbent
Dave Wilsoi

If Central Michigan's young offer
line can mature quickly, and if quarter
back Gary Hogeboom continues his no-
ticeable improvement of fall, the

Chippewas could go into their final game
wi

h San Jose State undefeated. That
ame, incidentally, could well be a pre-
ew of the new bowl game to be played
beginning in 1980 between the cham-
pions of the Mid-American and the
Pacific Coast conferences

Western Michigan, with the improved
passing of Albert Little and the best set
of receivers in school history, will have a
more balanced attack than last year.
Rookie tailback Larry Caper and bowling-
ball fullback Bobby Howard will keep
the running game as potent st yea

New Ohio University coach Brian
Burke knocked heads in spring practice,
and only the heartiest and most dedicated
survived. The Bobcats may have trouble
moving the ball this year, but the defense,
anchored by premier lineman Steve
oves, will be rock-ribbed. Several of the
returning defenders will likely be rc-
placed by newcomers or suddenly mature
sophs.

"This will be an off year for Miami, due
largely to the inroads of graduation (last
season's quarterback and two top receiv-
crs are missing) and spr
juries (the two best runners are wea

190 leg casts).

Toledo's starting offensive unit last
year was almost entirely made up of fresh-
men. Obviously, they'll be stronger, big-
ger, tougher and smarter this fall. If
quarterback Maurice Hall, prone to fresh-
man mistakes Jast season, can settle down
and improve his passing, the Rockets
could pull off а few big upsets. By 1980,
with another incoming crop of quality
recruits, they could challenge for the cor
ference championship.

Two junior college arrivals, strong-
armed Jeff Morrow and s
Bob Whitt, will te
Moore to give Kent State a dramatically
improved aerial game. Another key to the
Flashes’ chances will be the healing of
halfback Mike McQueen's knee; he gives
the veer offense the needed outside specd.
orthern Illinois has a splendid runner
(Allen Ross), two of the better linebacl
ers in the fladands (Frank Lewandosl
and Mike Terna), a high-scoring kicker
(Rome Moga) and a veteran offensive
but the ranks are thin or green (or
both) everywhere else.

Last year's Bowling Green attack un
was one of the most productive in the
league, and it returns nearly intact. Un-
fortunately, the defense, distressingly po-
rous in '78, won't be much better this

ch Mike Stock's rebuilding program
at Eastern Michigan is moving apace, but
there is still a long way to go. A large and
promising group of incoming freshmen
will flesh out a squad that was acutely
undermanned Jast season, Stock's primary
job in preseason drills is to find a са-
pable quarter!
The Notre Dame team has lost a dozen
of last year's starters, but there is always
a phalanx of brawny youths waiting
around South Bend for a chance to play.
The keystone of this year’s success, or lack
thereof, will be the quarterback job,
which could go either to Rusty Lisch (a
better runner than departed Joe Montana.
but not as good a passer) or to Tim Кое-
gel, who has yet to realize the great poten
tial he showed in high school. Whoever
gets the job will benefit from a spectacu-
Iar crew of receivers, best of whom is
future All-America Dean Masztak. Other
Irish assets include an experienced offen-
sive line, featuring Playboy All-America
tackle Tim Foley, and the running of
Vagas Ferguson. The best runner in
school history, Ferguson will break Je-
rome Heavens’ career rushing record this
fall. Notre Dame's defensive unit will
also survive heavy graduation losses w
imal damage. A large contingent of
supersophs, plus the return. from
of lineman Scott Zettek, will ma
stopper crew as big as ever and c
quicker. The fireplug of the defense will
be Playboy All-America defensive
back Dave Waymer, The Irish schedule,
unlike the patsy slates of the recent p

is a rough one. Only two pushovers (Air
Force and Navy) are on the schedule and
its first two games, against toughies Mich-
igan and Purdue, will be played on the
road.

Conch Vinee Gibson is rapidly build-
ing the Louisville team into a Midwestern
power. Gibson redshirted nearly his en-
tire freshman team last fall and it will
now join a good nucleus of veterans to
face the hardest schedule in school his-
tory. Diminutive quarterback Stu Stram
(son of Hank) will again direct the of-
fense, but this fall's superstar is likely to
be rookie runner Mike Sims.

Cincinnatií's freshman tailback sensa-
tion Allen Harvin should be even better
this fall as a sophomore. He will team
with Ohio State transfer fullback Mike
Schneider to give the Bearcats a devastat-
ing running attack. Another supersoph,
offensive lineman Kari Yli-Renko, looks
like a future All-America. The Bearcats
will be a much-improved team, but the
upgraded schedule will likely preclude
any improvement over last year's 5-6
record.

б

The Alabama теат won't be as strong
as last year, but neither will the schedule.
Its "78 opponents Nebrask
Southern Cal and Washington have been
replaced by Georgia Tech, Baylor, Wich-
ita State and Miami, so even if the
Tide wins as many games as last year's
national-championship club, the pollsters
won't be as impressed. The team's major
asset is а superb offensive line, but the

lLimportant quarterback position is a
big question mark. Steadman Shealy, the
heir apparent to the job, was challenged
in spring practice by two youngsters,
Tommy Wilcox and Alan Gray. E. J.
Junior, moved from defensive end to
Strong safety, could become an All-
America at that position.

Auburn's hopes were scuttled by in-
juries last fall, but all the hurts have
healed and there are all kinds of players
with pro potential in camp. There is also
a strong sense of purpose and together-
ness among the squad members—a fceling
that this will be the big year the Plains-
men have been working for since coach
Doug Barfield took over three years ago.
Joe Cribbs and James Brooks should be
one of the better running duos in the
country, and linemen Charles Wood and
Frank Warren, plus linebacker Freddie
Smith, will make life miserable for op-
posing runners.

Georgia lost a half-dozen excellent
players to graduation, but the replace-
ments—though young—are loaded with
talent. Transfer Ed Guthrie and fresh-
man Carnie Norris will add zip to the
running game, and the tightend job will
be held by either of two promising fresh-
men, Guy McIntyre or Donald Dixon.

(continued on page 230)

PLAYBOY A

М, wife is extremely beautiful. She
have very large sumptuous breasts, lovely
backside area, legs as smooth as duck's
car and scent of jasmine. Problem is, all
men consistently flirt with her and at-
tempt to drive her into unfaithfulness.
What to do, pleasci—R. K., Tientsin.

Playboy Advisor say: Man who offer
wife to Playboy Advisor get free sub-
scriplion.

ЙМ, friend say it is proper to eat lark
soup with chopsticks. I say it is impos-
sible to eat soup with chopsticks. Who
is correct?—S. Y., Chowdown Province.
Playboy Advisor say: Man who ask stu-
pid question have subscription canceled.

АМ, girlfriend is Mongolian. At night,
she says, “Chang, please put reproductive
baton in spring well" What does she
mean by thisz—C. К. Sinkiang.
Playboy Advisor say: Man who have
Mongolian for girlfriend must be idiot.

М}, mistress prefers autocroticism to
sexplay with me. How should J interpret
thisz—L. F., Canton Province.

Playboy Advisor say: Man whose mis-
tress prefers sexplay with auto should
have batlery checked.

DVISOR SAY

Playboy Advisor say: Girl who ride bi-
cycle upside down have crack up.

WI, honorable wife always takes bowl
of rice to bed and puts it on her private
parts. Then she asks me to eat rice. My
problem is that 1 do not like rice. What
shall I do2—H. K. F., Manchuria.

Playboy Advisor say: Man who do nol
like rice at home should eat out.

WHAT SORT OF MAN READ PLAYBOY, LEASE:

Is hard-working honorable fellow

possibly Ching or Cheng
192 wine, own bicycle plus umbrella

whose name is Chang or Chung,
He drink large quantities rice
and have 6785 honorable relatives.

WRITTEN AND PRODUCED BY JOHN BLUMENTHAL

PARTY
LINE
JOKES

Our Inscrutable Dictionary define in-
scrutable as describing woman so ugly
that no man is able to have sex on her.

Riddle: Why did Ching Wang wear red
suspenders? Answer: Because he was hon-
orable member of Communist Party.

A fisherman from Tientsin had been
walking all day long and was lost when
he came to farmhouse of Mr. Chang.

“Honorable farmer," he said, “I have
walked all day and I am weary. Can you
spare a bed for m

“J don't know," said Mr. Chang. "You
see, I have 678 children and only two
beds. Already it is crowded in my humble
farmhouse.”

“Perhaps I can sleep in your bed with
your wife,” said fisherman, “and you can
sleep in barn.

“How will that benefit me?” asked Mr.
Chang.
“J will tell you in morning,” fisherman
said.

So Mr. Chang agreed and slept in
barn, while his tor slept in his bed
. Next morning, Mr. Chang
o, honorable fisherman, how did
it benefit m

Humble fisherman replied:

“Ie didn't."

Ahr lenan
Our Inscrutable Dictionary define 69 as
average number of children fathered by
average Chinese man.

Our Inscrutable Dictionary define Hong
Kong as gorilla with large private parts.

PLAYBOY INTERVIEW:

cand:

t, but, in accordance with teachings

med Chairman Mao, we have al-

susiNEss-suiT Look. What visiting American
executive wauld nat be impressed by grace
and dignity espaused by this business attire
(below)? Notice, please, saphisticated cut af
fabric, stylishly shaped lapels and cuffs

and latest improvement—buttons! Also, far
first time, dapper Chinese executive need nat
remove his trousers to utilize relieving
place—he must merely pull down zipping
fastener ta release his pee pee! This de-
finitive Chinese executive laokness was
fashioned by our very own Rick of Peking
and will be avcilable for purchase saon at
Peking's new hat-shot store, Blue Ming Dales.

d conversation

LO REH TING

with

honorable tv programer

А

“Other shows include ‘Rice Ра

and very humorous program about some
wacky Chinese soldiers who operate field
hospital in North Korea, ‘M*U*S*H.”

programs as *
“Маке Room for
sand Is

есап,
nough' and ‘Mao &

NEW
FASHIONS

SPORTY LOOK: Sa you want to take fun
bicycle ride through Tibet? Or you want to
just hang around Forbidden City ane after-
noon? Maybe you just want ta stay at home
and curl up with good poster? What will yau
wear for such pastimes? We knaw far surel
Laok to picture below and you can find out!
This new line of classy spartswear has dis-
tinctive look, unlike anything else. Notice,
please, sophisticated cut of fabric,

stylishly shaped lapels, etc., etc. Makes
good beachwear for you, tao, because
special fabric takes only 13 hours ta dry!
Don’t wait—we have anly 14,000,000 in stack!

FORMAL DINNER JACKET AND TROUSERS: One day
you may be called upon ta go to “formal
dining party,” and if sa, you must dress in
new formal attire such as this (above).
Notice, please, sophisticated cut af fabric,
stylishly shaped lapels and pleased loak of
modell Yau will certainly be outstanding
party person пом! As Chairman Maa so
wisely taught us: "Man wha wears clothes
will be warmer than ane wha doesn’t.”

APHY BY POMPEO POSAR

PARTY GIRL

honorable playmate worker,
wing ding, in top physical shape
for making quota and pinning up!

swinging Chinese guys, here is first
PLAYBOY pinup girl for you! She is hard-
working girl who like to drink Coca-Cola
ind go to disco to shake her boots! She
want to be successful actress and happy.
too, she say. How about that? "For pas-
time, I make hats from rice," she is telling
us. "Also, rice sculpture of Chairman
Mao and others. I use soy sauce foi
eyes and seaweed for hair and sell them
to American tourists.” What else does
Wing Ding like to do? We blush to guess!

PLAYBOY pinup, Wing Ding,
work on press (below) that
prints centerfold. “Printing is
big turn-on for me,” she say.
Sure thing, Wing Ding.

PLAYBOY

198 For full color reproduction of Wild Turkey painting by Ken Davies, 19" by 21", send $2 to Box 929PB, Wall St. Sta., N.Y. 10005

NICK NOLTE seno

«АІ one point, I just started growling and I got up
and pulled the whole chair along with те?”

for three days straight. Give me
I'll be fresh in the morning. Fr
“Fuck fresh! You get your ass up here
and bring that script! Bring it bound" "

Nolte was laughing so hard that it
brought on a coughing attack. “Jeezuz!”
he said, pounding his chest.

He went over to а wroughtiron book-
case and picked a football off one of the
shelves.

"Totally fucking weird and unreal,
man,” Hal said. "Then I get up there.
Its Frank and Ted. I case the scene out
and immediately I get these poisonous
vibrations; like you might pick up
around a place where whey slaughter
animals. Vibrations of death and horror."

He got up and began to pice. his
hands stuffed into the pockets of his
Levis. "For ome thing," he said, "I can
see that old: Frank and Ted have been in
this room for some time, man. Like. may-
be a week or something. And they haven't
just been holding hands or anything: it’s
worse than that. They've been working.

“They were writing a script.” Nolte

1.

b, I know they were writing a
" Hal said. He pointed to himself.
"

script;
“I thought / was writing the script, ma
and they were doing whatever they do.

Nolte began walking around and toss
ing the football into the air. "Its
noia time,” he said. "TI
town last week. 1 knew everybody was set
to go crazy."

1 is making his move.” Hal said
"He's taking the old power shot."

“Ted is making his move,” Nolte said,
nodding his head in agreement. He threw
the football too high and it collided
with the ceiling and went ricocheting
across the room.

"Look, he said, recovering the ball
"consider Ted's position here. He's going
to direct a movie in two weeks. or three
weeks, or whenever. Number one—the
movie is all about football, and Ted, he
doesn’t know much of anything about
football. So that’s number one. Number
two—he doesn’t understand what the
fuck the main character is all about. Now,

NP.

a

this is a problem. Ted says to me, ‘I
don't think I really understand this guy
Phil. Nick.’ You know, he calls him ‘this
guy Ph

“Yeah,” Hal said. He sat down aj
and lit a cigarette. “And, number thr
it’s not his script.”

“And number three. it's not his script,”
Nolte said. “Exactly. According to them,
it's our script. See how it is, Hal? It's

them and us."

j old power shot,” Hal said. “I
love it."

“The way [ have it red," Nolte
said, “Ted gets Frank all worked up

“He stirs Frank's creative urge," Hal
said.

“Which Frank loves? Nolte said
“Frank wants every picture he produces
to be his life story.”

Yeah, he thinks everything is him,
man,” Hal said

“Then Frank and
write a script.” Nolte said. "Now it is
their script, not our script. This is Ted's
way of taking control"

A coup!” Hal said. He reached out
and grabbed the air with his hand. "I
love it, man."

But their script is fucked." Nolte said.
“They have all these ideas,” Hal
Where do they get all thee
ank's hiring gag writers and shit—
where's all this coming from?”

“The fucking gag writers.” Nolte said.

Ted go off and

“Those were the guys that came up with
the idea of the rubber prick.”
п. yes the rubber prick,
reflectively. “What a tasteful idi

Nolte drop-kicked the football and it
banged against the fireplace with con-
siderable force. “I told Frank that we
have to keep all rubber pricks and all
rubber-prick-relited ideas the fuck out of
this movie.” he said. “We're supposed to
be making a real movie here, for Christ's
sake.

“Yeah,” Hal said. “There are aesthetic
considerations.”

Nolte grinned. He went over and sat
opposite Hal. “I went up to this meet-
ing,” he said, “right before I split town.
And it was a pisser. This is where Ted
told me he didn't understand my charac

nd everything. But, like, I knew this
1 coming,
the meeting, Г made sure that I looked
real grubby. like I'd just driven in from
Fresno, and I had a torn-up T-shirt and
just basically looked like a dangerous
derelict. I figured it would put them at a
disadvantage trying to power-trip а dere-
lict, Plus. right before I went in, I went
to the gym and lifted weights. Got a lot
of veins bulging and shit. Then 1 went
crashing into Frank's office, and I'm this
seething, sweating visceral fucker. I didn't
even talk, I just exhaled.

"Did Frank let you sit on his furni

Hal said.

Hal said

5, So when I went over wo

"Hey." Nolte said. rank was cool,
man. Frank was in his clement. ] scared
the shit out of Ted, but Frank, he just
went head on. He was screaming the
whole timc. all this bullshit about his
input, his ideas. I couldn't even fucking
understand wh ing. At one
point. I just started growling and I got
up out of the chair and I sort of pulled
the whole chair along with me, Fucking
Ted, man. he wouldn't even look my
way. Frank was sho ‘Fuck you,
Nolte! We won't make this picture if it's
hı!" Tm shouting back, “Fuck you,
nk! / won't fucking make this picture
il it’s not right!"

“Phew!” Hal said, fanning his face.
He stood up suddenly, as if he had heard
gunfire. He went over to the nearest
and ran his hands along it. “Do you tl
this place is bugged, manz" he said.

The telephone rang and Nolte wa
over to his desk to answer it. "Yeah.
said. He listened for a second.
bring them in.”

He put the phone down. “Wardrobe,”
he said to Hal. “The show goes on, man.
I mean, we've got no script, but we've got
wardrobe

The wardrobe lady was a tall, elderly
woman, dresed entirely in navy blue.
She came striding purposefully into the
room. She was accompanied by an as
sistant, a scrious-looking girl in her 205.
The girl was carrying several pairs of

t he was sa

pants on plastic hangers and she had a
sheepskin coat draped over one arm.

“Just a few little things to discuss, Mr
Nolte,” the wardrobe lady said, She set-
ued herselt into а chair. “It will only
take a moment, I'm sure.”

Hal got up from his place on the couch
and took his cup of coffee into the con
ference room

"I have some boots to show you
Nolte said to the lady. He went to the
outer office and. returned with a pair of
fancy-stitched cowboy boots. He held
them up for display and the wardrobe
lady put on her glasses to study them.

"Lovely," she said. "Such
ship. Such intricacy.

She traced a pattern in the air. "But
she paused as a thought seemed to strike
don't know if they are quite
right for you, Mr. Nolte.”

Nolte looked at the boots, which he
held in mid-air, and back to the woman.
“How do you mean?" he asked.

They seem, somehow, too formal for
you,” the lady said. “Too dressy.” She
pointed with her index finger, to
secure her words in the air. “I would
think these boots would be worn by a
wealthy ranch owner . . . in Santa Bar-
bara County. perhaps. -

Her eyes glowed a bit as she developed.
the ima; nd he would always keep
them highly polished," she said. She made
(continued on page 238)

workman-

Wild Turkey Lore:

In 1776 Benjamin Franklin
proposed that the Wild Turkey
be adopted as the symbol of.
our country. 'The eagle was
chosen instead.

The Wild Turkey later
went on to become the
symbol of our country's
finest Bourbon.

WILD TURKEY 7101 PROOF

=——

©1978 Austin, Nichols Distilling Co., Lawrenceburg, Kentucky.

Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health.

9 mg. "tar", 0.8 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method. |

CER
Rw Ef
A

The first low*tar'cigarette
good enough to be called rich:

+ Kings and 1008. ARE

EXCUSE ME, SIR,
15 THE LADY OF
THE HOUSE IN?
SHE'S NOT?
WELL, ГМ

YOUR FRIENDLY
DOOR-TO-DOOR
LINGERIE SALES
REPRESENTATIVE

WE ALSO
CARRY A COM-
PLETE LINE ОР
THE SCANTIEST,
OF PANTIES,
SUCH AS

THIS PAIR?

MAY 1 COME IN AND.
SHOW YOU OUR
NEW FALL LINE 7
SOME LOVELY.
UNDERTHINGS FOR
YOUR WIFE, PER-
HAPS? UNFORTU-|
NATELY, THE ONLY
SAMPLES I HAVE
ТО SHOW ARE THE
THINGS THAT
IMYSELF

AM WEARING ^

AND THIS PAIR.
OF OPAQUE BLACK
STOCKINGS!

SO WICKED,

YET 50
WONDERFUL!

WHAT'S THAT,
SIR? WELL,

VM GLAD 1 DECIDED |E THERES NO FUTURE
To Do THIS. A GIRL. IN JUST HOPPING
| IN AND QUT OF BED

OH, YOU DON'T MIND? WELL, MAY
I START WITH THIS LOVELY UP-
LIFTING BLACK BRASSIERE ?

HERBERT/ WILL you ANSWER THAT

DOORBELL? IT'S BEEN RINGING FOR

THE LAST FIVE MINUTES! AND FINISH
THE HOUSEWORK !/

3 s THIS MONTH: S Р
E MED THE DAWN PATROL : ¥
» ` х Ы . Б

HUN: E EUM

| DONT KNOW- |
SOMETHING SUBTLE.

М

e
1],

کت
Ace [|‏
AN‏

0
2

AH... THESE... AH... PICKLES жа.
REALLY SUCK- DON'T YOU
THINK?

0

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i 82

«ет

К:
VAL Us

UA TET Ns | [HE Took OFF ALL MY CLOTHES- TERT
( Т у | THEN HE TOOK OFF ALL HIS WA
yt E LOTH )
ie]

D
(9 I^ GOING ТО HOLLYWOOD,
e WHERE PIENEN ON

{НЕ SAND ANI KAT
Ss À 1 OUGHT TO
55е THE STARS. OUGHT E

HEY, LONESOME. 4 ҮЙ 1 RECOMMEND
BAD NIGHT? МУ COKE, SMOKE AND
{ DiAGNosis is, You ШШ MOONLIGHT ОР AT
GOT TH’ BLUES. THE |8 MY PLACE...
DEEP, DARK BLUES L HANDY,

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I NEVER PAID FOR rr
IN MY LIFE, OK?!

Summer.

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SEAGRAM DISTILLERS CO., N.C. AMERICAN WHISKEY-A BLEND. 8D PROOF.

TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR

MAN
WOMAN

G

AFTERPLAY: THE LAST FRONTIER OF SEX

With all that's been published to enhance every aspect of
your sexual experience, it's surprising that so little atten.
tion has becn given to what happens after the loving
henceforth known as afterplay. Even the most highly re-
garded and popular sex experts have shunned this anti-
climactic subject: Afterplay rates only six pages in Masters
and Johnson's Human Sexual Response, four pages in
The Hite Report and no mention at all in The Joy of Sex.

Now, just when you thought it was safe to go into the
bedroom, psychologists James Halpern and Mark A.
Sherman have come up with Afterplay: A Key to Intimacy,
the results and conclusions of their survey of the sex
habits of 234 randomly selected American men and
women. After dividing lovemaking into four phases—
foreplay, intercourse, orgasm, afterplay—they found that
although most people actually do fall asleep wit!
hour after sex, many do not: that respondents report less

satisfaction with their afterplay than with any other phase
of lovemaking; that men and women want approximately

the same things in afterplay; and that the duration of
postcoital touching correlates strongly with overall satis-
faction in the relationship.

THINGS TO DO

The most frequently preferred form of afterplay—which
the authors define as "whatever you do and whatever
happens to you after sex"—is some kind of physical
contact. “The ideal after-intercourse experience for me
involves a continuation of massaging and continued
contact.” states a 63-year-old man. A 21-year-old woman
says, “I like him to stay inside me for a while, then remain
close with gentle caresses.” Dilferent strokes for different
folks include hair brushing, back scratching, body rub-
bing and licking. Words that most often describe favored.
forms of contact are snuggling and cuddling.

Besides touching. various kinds of pillow talk top the
charts. A 24-year-old woman who gets something out of
sweet nothings enjoys “listening to my mate tell me how
much he loves me, how he can’t live without me and other
sweet and loving things in my ear." Another woman
applauds an ovation: “I like to be told positive things —
‘I love you, I love to make love 10 you, you're a great
lay." Many use the enhanced intimacy of afterglow to
share honest feelings and serious thoughts; a $4-yearold
woman calls it “a dreamy and relaxed time that is con-
ducive to free talk—things сап be discussed that cannot be
approached at other times. In this somewhat hypnotic
State, we can reveal ourselves."

To bathe or not to bathe; that is the question vexing
some afterplayers. Although 40 percent of the men and 30
percent of the women clean up their acts soon after sex,
more than a quarter of them claim they rarely or never do.
Many shower together and some call wiping each other off

a tender ritual.” Yet others take offense when partners
seem overly cager to cleanse themselves of love's fragrances
and fluids, An irate 24-year-old female describes “a part-
ner who got up almost immediately alter intercourse to
wash himself—yech, terrible for the 'mood'—and my cgo."

THINGS NOT TO DO

Activities respondents cited as aftcr play turnofls include
parmers who depart, ignore them, read or watch TV (onc
woman complained ironically, "I'm satisfied with my post-
coital experience except when there's a guest host on The
Tonight Show"), interruptions (phone calls, kids, water-
bed leaks), arguments, critiques of performance (our ad-
vice: Offer praise but don't solicit it) and discussion of.
previous partners.

SOME DELICACIES

Male notions of the ideal afterlife range from that of
the 21-yearold student who craves “drugs such as pot or
coke . . . followed by oral sex. This would be called ‘the
total burn-to-exhaustion scenario’ " to that of the 26-ye:
old who appreciates “a quiet environment . . .a late sunny
afternoon, or night with candles burning. Seme soft jazz
on the sterco. A big bowl of strawberries and watermelon.
Wine. French cigarettes - . . touching and caressing and
gentle conversation about our lovemaking or our relation-
ship in general, Afterward, I'd like to take a sauna.

SUMMING UP

In the wrong hands, a book on afterplay has the
potential to open а whole slew of new frustration and
recrimination. Despite their occasional lapses of sexist war
mongering ("Women are, for the most part, better after-
players"), patronizing sententiousness ("Good afterplay
certainly doesn't have to take place in à newly sown field,
but why not try it—even once?") and the dismal sugges-
tion that "intercourse coukl just as well be called *main-
play. " Halpern and Sherman's tone is enlightened and
humane. Their final caveat is good. advice for approach-
ing their book as well as any of the others that would
presume to restage your loveplay: “Don't be too serious. If
you never laugh during afterplay, then the chances are
that you have made of it another ‘assignment,’ which is
exactly what you shouldn't be doing."—ruzoponr FISCHER

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LEE FITS AMERICA

TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR

ALL ABOUT
BUYING A
NEW CAR

poker—some cards are up, some are down and
there’s bluffing. Sticker prices are just for openers.

For example, the new Iguana V8 may sell for $9400 at
Alfredo’s Motorcars, Lud., and for $9200 at Ace Auto,
across town. But Ace may charge 25 percent more for serv-
ice. Overall, the car could be cheaper at Allredo’s.

You have to consider the car's total cost: sticker, options,
wade.in, financing, extended service contract, dealer prep
and insurance increases. The strategy is to pick the models
that interest you, the options and the top dollar you're
willing to pay before you go to the showroom. Making
decisions at the dealership is risky, because the salesman
is sure to know the game better than you do.

B: ing a new car is the moral equivalent of stud

THE DEALER'S HAND

The dealer's favorite ploy is conditioning you to answer
yes. "Isn't it a nice day? Isn't thi ar? Would you
e yours in red? Would you sign here?” He may throw
you a low ball: a tiny price with the same function as a
night crawler on a fishhook. While you greedily ponder the
low ball, the salesman goes out to "check with the man-
ager." Actually. he goes to the men's room, then returns
crestfallen—the manager said no. But for just $149.98
more....

Salesmen push cars already on the lot. That trims the
dealers finance charges. And showroom cars usually are
packed with options, which can hike a car's price $3000 or
more, Ordering from the factory takes time, but then you
buy only the options you want.

Financing 2 new car with the dealer is convenient but
not necessarily the cheapest way to pay. Usually, a bank or
a finance company actually puts up the cash, so you pay its
rate, plus a bit extra for the dealer. To save, comparison
shop at banks, credit unions and auto clubs. Bank loans
average about two percent less than dealer loans. Short-
term loans have steeper monthly payments, but the over-
all finance charge (the total dollar fee you pay to use the
bank's money) is less. For instance, a $5000 loan at 12
percent for two years has a monthly payment of $235 and
a total finance charge of $649. The same loan for four
years has a monthly payment of $132 and a total finance
charge of $1320, more than twice as much.

A FAIR TRADE

Trading in? Settle on the new car's price before you

dicker over Old Betsy. Juggling both prices at once is

confusing. To make a few dollars, sell Old Betsy yourself.
At most, a dealer will give you the wholesale value for

your trade-in. (Check a used-car price book, such as NADA
Guide, available at most banks.) For example, if your car's
retail value (with mileage and options factored in) is $2500,
its wholesale value might be $2000. A salesman offers
more? He's taking less off the new car's sticker price or
making it up some other way.

If you do trade in, a dealer with a big used-car side line
is apt to offer more than a new-only dealer. Also, a dealer
selling the same make as your tradein might be more
generous, Without a trade, a new-only dealer might give
you a better deal on the new car's price.

You should be able to whittle away five to twenty. per-
cent from a new car's sticker price, Dealer markups are
lowest on subcompacts, highest on luxury cars; the costlier
the car, the bigger the discount you can expect. Option
prices are negotiable, too. But you also should consider
maintenance costs.

Ask the service manager what he charges for warranty
work. How long does it take? Docs he pick up and deliver?
Provide loaners or cheap rentals? Ask other customers
about the service. Hassle-free maintenance may be worth a
few bucks less off the sticker price.

WHEN TO BUY?

Waiting until September, just before new models arrive,
for bargains in leftovers makes sense only if you drive
your cars until they die of arteriosclerosis. Otherwise, your
“new” car will instantly be a year old, losing one quarter
of its tradein value. Also, manufacturers have been pricing
new models (especially subcompacts) low in October. then
upping prices during the year. Midwinter, when sales are
slow, usually is good hunting.

Be sure the salesman’s bill tells all or, on delivery day,
you could find you owe an extra $200 because he forgot to
tot up the sun roof. And specify factory-installed options.
Dealer add-ons cost more.

Your contract should hold the dealer to the agreed deal,
unless the manufacturer hikes prices. For instance, barring
ап accident, your old car's trade-in price should stand—no
reappraisals when the new car arrives. Incidentally, at
most dealerships, only the sales manager's (not the sales-
man's) signature on the contract is binding.

Before signing for the new car, be sure the sticker and
the bill of sale match. Is anything omitted? Added? Have
the dealer initial changes and keep both documents. Be
sure dealer prep is done before you sign, or the company
could wiggle out of the warranty.

Check the car for dents, dings and wiggly armrests. If
you can, take a test drive before signing. A zip through a
car wash isa good test for leaks. ` —RICHARD WOLKOMIR

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TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR

GETTING INTO
GET RICH-
QUICK BOOKS

ne by-product of inflation, or any severe distortion
in the economy, is that it creates a raging bull mar-
ket in books that tell you how to get rich. The
unique quality of the current crop is that they also tell
you how to merely survive. From scrutiny of these tomes,
it would seem that the higher the book rises on the best-
seller list, nal the solution to either greater
wealth or mere survival. For example, one current best
seller, Howard J. Rull's How lo Prosper During the Com-
ing Bad Years, begins with a doomsday scenario that even
a Nixonian economist couldn't bring to life, and then uses
dubious economics to save you from the disaster he's
invented. His breath-taking solution is to store a year's sup-
ply of dried food and to buy gold, diamonds and money-
market funds—hardly Nobel-quality economic wisdom.

PIE IN THE SKY

There are books with systems that will blithely tell you
how to beat the market, how to get rich on commodity
futures and options and how to build a fortune with coins,
antiques, art and, soon to come, I'll bet, by saving string.
Seldom do they tell you that you can lose your shirt in the
very same things.

Can you get rich merely by reading a book? The answer
iš that some people understand more than others how the
investment structure works, and some people understand
better than others how to write books. Only rarely are
they the same people.

This is not to say that you can't learn some useful things
about the stock market and investing from a book. But of
the bumper crop of quick-fortune books, which are the
wheat and which the chaff? Here are some clues.

WHAT TO BUY

In this field, you frequently can tell a book from its title.
The more the title promises, the less likely the book is 10
fulfill that promise. A book called Making Money, by Jan
Andersen, is a case in point. It describes a number of ques-
author claims made him rich, not one of
ed on sound business principles. The ingredi-
ent he supplied was not transferable wisdom—it was
chutzpah. But if you've got chutzpah to begin with, you
don't need a book to tell you how to get rich with it.

Look at an author's credentials. Some retired admirals
and stockbrokers made money in the last bull market and
wrote books (usually self-published) about their systems.
Those systems couldn't possibly work in today's market.
Rare is the broker who is trained in the sophisticated
techniques necded to do well in both good and bad

markets. Security analysts and investment managers, and
some academics, on the other hand, do understand basics
and are more likely to have something useful to say.

Be wary of any system. Systems don't work any better at
the bourse than they do at the track. 1f an author has a
system, he should be able to demonstrate it with his own
portfolio. You'd be amazed at how consistently absent
that little feature is from most books on, investing. With-
out a list of all of the stocks the author bought and sold
ider his system, the theory is pure fantasy. And if the
list is included, be sure it covers at least two cycles of mar-
ket ups and downs. Anybody can make money in the
market in the short run, but virtually nobody consistently
outperforms the market through more than а few cycles.
And the exceptions don't have time to write books.

Almost 600 billion dollars of pension-fund money is
managed by professionals, Of that, some seven billion
dollars is invested by managers who know they can't beat
the market in index funds (funds made up of stocks that
represent a profile of the market itself and perform exactly
as the market does). Of the remainder, some individual
managers may outperform the market for a period of two
or three cycles. But rarely, very rarely, do they do so by
more than eight percent. Not bad performance, but hardly
a way to get rich.

WHAT'S REALLY HAPPENING

The truth is that in the market, there are no startling
secrets. The professionals may use fundamental techniques
of analysis, such as those described in the classic Security
Analysis, by Benjamin Graham, David L. Dodd and
Sidney Cottle. Or they may use technical analysis, which
charts stock movement and uses historical patterns to pro-
ject future patterns. Morc and more professionals are now
using modern portfolio theory, a mathematical method to
judge risk-return concepts. Two good books that describe
all of these techniques are Guide to Intelligent Investing,
by Jerome B. Cohen, Edward D. Zinbarg and Arthur
Zeikel, and Stock Market Strategy, by Richard A. Crowell.

But those are sound books on basic investment princi-
ples, written by experienced and successful investment
professionals. They are not get-rich-quick schemes.

Is there a system that will consistently beat the market?
Sure there is. There's also a pill to put in your gas tank
that will triple your mileage. The gas companies are keep-
ing the pill a secret, and the investment professionals are
keeping their systems so secret they won't even allow them-
selves to exceed eight percent,

Of course, you can always get rich by writing a book
on how to get rich. BRUCE W. MARCUS

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PLAYBOY

22

WHO NEEDS OIL

(continued from page 172)

“We could cut oil imports by half a million barrels
a day—about as much as the Iranian shortfall”

We've got better options, options that
are cheaper. simpler, more diverse—op-
tions that are dispersed, domestic and
re renewable forever and that we
can get to faster.
Here's how we m

e the break from

mediately, we crash-program de-
velopment of gasohol from grain and
subsidize its production so that its price
undercuts unleaded gasoline at the pump.

Gasohol is a mixture of gasoline and
alcohol. The usual m ten percent
alcohol—commonly grain alcohol, eth-
anol—and 90 percent gasoline. You can
buy gasohol at Midwestern filling sta-
tions today. It burns better than un-
leaded gasoline and any car can run on
it without modification. According to Dr.
William A. Scheller, professor of chemical
engincering at the University of Nebraska
and a recognized authority on gasohol,
we could fairly quickly convert about 40
percent of U, S. gasoline consumption to
gasohol. We'd have to build big new dis-
tilleries. We'd grow fuel grains—corn,
milo, whateyer—on farmland the U.S.

Depart of Agriculture presently. ro
quires farmers to le: иней if they
want to qualify for price supports
on the grains they grow for food. We'd
also start using up some of our huge grai
surplus, about one twellth of it each у
If we did those things, we could cut down
on our oil imports by half a million
barrels а day—about as much as the
Iranian shortfall. Gasohol on this modest
but qı evable scale would im-
prove ou nents by about
three billion dollars a year. Investment
would be а one-

2. While rushing to
out to build a massive
production of fuel ethanol from woody
materials and wood. (Woody materials
include cornstalks and straw, waste bio-
mass toi n industry would
require faci
tensive as our
industry—well wi
sibility, especially since fueling all U.S.
automobiles with ethanol would allow us
to shut down permanently half of our
oil refineries.

dustry for the

s ex
present beerand-wine
hin the range of pos-

Ethanol from wood isn't quite com-
mercially feasible. Process efficiency needs
improving. The Department of Energy,
dulled to the point of severe retardation
by its bias toward high-technology me
gadgets, hasn't seen fit to invest more
than a pittance im development of this
ever-renewable option. The Germans ran
their war machine on gasohol and alcohol
during the Second World War, and two
of their plants stayed competitive until
low-cost Arabian oil shut them down in
1958. Brazil, which has no oil to speak of
is moving rapidly toward an allethanol
economy. So should we. We need our
oil for petrochemicals

3. While we're developing ethanol, we
should also be developing automobiles
ted ro burning it. It’s pure 106-
octane alcohol and it’s far less polluting
than gasoline. An alcohol-fucled car needs
а preheater and а carburetor with differ
ent-sized jets. For full efficiency, it needs
а higher-compression engine to take ad-
vantage of the higher octane of the fucl.
retrofit an existing Detroit en-
gine for alcohol, but it won't get as many
miles per gallon as it would with higher
compression. Ethanol could phase in just
as unleaded gasoline is phasing in, new
cars beside old. When we're fully con-
verted, we'll have a liquid-fuel source that
perpetually renewable, а fleet of cars
at least as fuel-efficient as today's, a na-
tion of prosperous, happy farmers and a

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vastly reduced demand for foreign oil.
Thirty-one percent of U.S. energy today
goes to vehicles.

4. This step involves potential lifestyle
changes, but many of us would probably
find them to be changes for the better:
We Federally fund low-cost—possibly
even free—mass-ransit systems for all
major U.S. cities and restore full-scale,
clean, prompt, efficient, low-cost, Federal-
ly subsidized railroad passe

The point is to give people alternatives
to private automobiles and to improve
transportation efficiency. Under 500
miles, starting and finishing as they do
from stations within central cities, trains
are probably faster in most cases (count-
ing airport-travel time) than airplanes. If
they were clean, efficient and available,
people would probably use them, espe-
cially if they knew they'd find convenient
mansit at the other end. People
might use mass-transit systems more cx-
tensively for daily commuting to and
from work if such systems were low-cost
or free: they could still drive their cars
for shopping and for pleasure. Aircraft
serve best for long-distance travel.

5. We're also dependent on foreign oil
because we use it to heat homes and
offices, a use that is not only expensive
but absurdly inefficient. To end this de-
pendency, we go directly solar. If every
new home built in the United States in
the next 12 years were designed for pas-
sive solar heating, we would save almost
as much energy as we expect to recover
from Alaska’s North Slope. Passive solar
heating is designed into a home. 105
sophisticated, but it’s simple—glass walls
on southern exposures and some intelli-
gent ductwork inside. We ought to pro-
gram for passive solar with generous tax
credits or even direct subsidies. It ought
to be cheaper to build solar than to build
fossil-fucl-heated. In the long run, it will
be, anyway—for all of us.

Most oil-heated homes are existing
older homes located in the northeastern
United States. It would be prohibitively
expensive to conyert them to passive solar
heating, but they could be converted to
active solar heating by retrofitting rooftop
collection systems. They ought to be,
massively, the conversion funded by
credits or direct subsidies.

6. Every building in the United States
ought to be properly insulated and
sealed. Tax credits already on the books
encourage this obvious and painless con-
servation measure, but theyre inade-
quate. They ought to cover a larger share
of the cost. Utilities should be required to
bank-roll the homeowner's insulation in-
vestment. They'd see a better return оп
their capital if they did, and they'd be
too profitably tied up in home insulation
loans to invest in any more unneeded
nuclear power reactors.

7. A Federal task force should begin

'er service.

mass

immediately to identify every Federal,
state, county and city law and ordinance
that might bar or inhibit the develop-
ment of soft-energy alternatives. Access to
sunlight should be guaranteed; plumbing
and building codes keyed to fossil-fuel
construction modes should be changed.

8. You're probably wondering how
Il pay for all these programs. One
immediate source of tax income should
be the repeal of the foreign-oil tax credit,
which gives oil companies dollarfor-
dollar credit on their U.S. income tax
for money they pay to foreign govern-
ments for the right to extract oil. This

dinosaur tax loophole was installed in
the mid-Fifties when the U.S. State De-
partment wanted to win the loyalty of
the new oil nations of the Middle East
Over the years, it has cost the U. S. Treas-
ury some 15 billion dollars. It has been
responsible in part for the decline in
U.S, domestic oil production

9. But the most important source of
funds should be a new kind of tax. Not
the oil and gas deregulation and windfall
profitstax mechanism that Jimmy Carter
proposed last April That mechanism
gives the profits from oil-price increases
to the oil companics and then tries to

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PLAYBOY

216

snatch half of them back with a loophole-
ridden windfall-profits тах. Rather than
so indirect and easily jimmied a mecha-
nism, the American people should de-
mand, and Congress should shake off its
cowardice long enough to pass, a direct
replacement-value tax on fossil fuels, a
sort of oil-depletion allowance in reverse,
that would slowly increase the cost of de-
pletable fuels such as oil and natural gas
to the ultimate cost of their replacement.
If it will cost $40 a barrel, say, to extract
oil from oil shale, then the oil we pump
right now ought to cost some increasing
fraction of that amount as it depletes, or
we're kidding ourselves.

A tax on fossil fuels will increase the
cost of gasoline at the pump
oil and natural gas at the supp

oppose any such increases on the grounds
that the poor can't afford them. The
argument is well meant but misguided.
The pri cause of n in recent
years has been the increasing cost of oil
Inflation robs the poor far more in
ously than a graduated tax would, and
without any recompense in the form of
tax rebates or progress in developing
steady-state, renewable alternative energy
sources. A tax would cost no more than
inflation has cost. It would slow and
eventually even halt inflation; in the
long run, it would unquestionably cost
less. The champions of the poor should
champion it.

The return from а replacement-value
tax would pay for all the programs we've
planned in points one through seven and

“Well, Chuck, I'm very energetic—1 can go all
night long. I'm into group sex—I swing both ways, of
course. I like Greek, English and S / M—and I give
terrific head. I also play the cello and sing а little. . . ."

many more besides. It would also allow
adjustments to ease the burden on the
poor of increasing energy prices. We
wouldn't be paying any less for energy
in the short run, but when we were
through with our conversions, we'd still
have our oil, we'd no longer need foreign
„ the money would have been plowed
back into the American econom:
American jobs and American
ments, and we could tell OP
lost.

10. The final point, crucial to all the
others, is the removal from ollice of U. S.
Energy Secretary James R. Schles
the man who told the Mex
keep their natural gas
said that the nudi
Mile Island in Pennsylvania last March
just showed how safe nuclear power had
been. Schlesinger, a pipe-smoking Har-
vard Phi Beta Kappa of truly monu-
mental ego, is a good example of the
diehard high-technologists who have mi:
led U.S. energy policy nearly to ruin.
"They mean to see us go hard and high,
cven if it bankrupts and ruins us, which
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SEX IN NEW ORLEANS

(continued from page 124)

“Its part of the fiber of this city that we allow
everything. The French Quarter is an aphrodisiac.”

Playboy's Telephone Survey discov-
ered that New Orleans is a night crawl-
er's paradise. percent of the people
we contacted cited restaurants and bars
such Pat O'Brien's, Caesars East,
Cisco's Club and Spankey's as the places
to meet people, Another 42 percent said
just walking through an area like the
French Quarter was enough. City law
allows revelers to carry their drinks from
bar to bar in paper cups; the streets are
all-night party.

А reasonable question would be wheth-
er or not people in New Orleans have
any energy left for sex after all the party-
ing. They do. Consider Betsy, 29, a lady
of good figure and fine upbringing, who
keeps a pair of antique shackles attached
to the foot of her four-poster bed. Betsy
and her lover, a wealthy businessman
from a small Cajun town an hour's drive
from New Orleans, are into mild S/M.
She shackles; he masturbates. Betsy's is a
clasic New Orlcans situation: a small
house in the French Quarter, crummy
and shuttered on the street side but cle-
gant and open on the back, where it is
faced by a bricked courtyard and two-
story slave quarters—all the amenities of
a Parisian picd-d-terve, the ideal wysting
place with her lover, a happily married
Catholic who pays for the dwellin

“І have had the most fantastic sexual
experiences in my French Qu part-
ment,” says another New Orleans lady
who nominally lives in the suburbs but
has a "kept" apartment with а wrought-
ou balcony overlooking Royal Street.
“There is something incredibly romantic
about making love there—the mustiness
of the rooms, the high ceilings, the brass
bed. When my lover comes to visit, he
rings the buzzer on the gate, comes into
the courtyard and by the time he's up the
irs, I'm ready to tear his shirt off.
You have to remember the traditions
of the French Quarter,” says a local news-
paperman with a fine sense ol history.
"In the old days, when a boy from a
wealthy family turned 18, it was tradi-
tional for his father to give him a horse,
1 quadroon and a cottage on Rampart
Street.” A quadroon, in case you don't
comprehend the checkerboard ethnic his-
tory of southern Louisiana, is a person—
they always meant a woman—with one
fourth Negro blood (an octoroon is, in
turn, one eighth black). Rampart Street,
the northern bou of the original
Nouvelle Orleans, is now the fringe of
the French Qua
across Basin Street, stood Stor
20 years (1898-1917) the leading legalized
redlight district in America—tceming

E

with elegant bordellos, razor-wielding
whores, fugitive murderers, professional
gamblers and other “sports” who made
the sin district live.

Storyville is gone (a neat, red-brick
publichousing project now stands on the
spot), but the French Quarter remains as
a kind of unofficial legalized center of
the South. Ninety percent of New Or-
Icans’ 100-200 prostitutes operate in the
French Quarter, All the skin shows are on
or near Bourbon Street. Most of the
wide-screen, no-holds-barred peep shows
and adult moviehouses are in or near the
Quarter. During Mardi Gras, it is in the
Quarter that you may see gays flashing
their cocks in front of leather bars or a
college girl walking down Bourbon Street
raising her Tshirt for amateur photog
raphers. It is in the French Quarter tha
the gentry make assignations for a trip
nto adultery and fornication.

“It is part of the fiber of this city that
we allow everything,” explains Bonnie
Crone, former editor of New Orleans
Magazine. "And the French Quarter is
an aphrodisiac.”

Natives of New Orleans tend to write
off both the French Quarter and Mardi
Gras as something for the “college kids
and tourists.” The police like to say that
most visitors to Mardi Gras “come here
with five dollars and a shirt and never
change cither one.”

The fact is that Mardi Gras sets the
ne for the city for 11 months of the
ar; and if the French Quarter is filled
with tourists, there's always Fat City

Fat City. Action Central. Ten miles
northwest of the city, a few blocks off
the interstate on your way from thc
French Quarter to the airport. Two hu
dred seventy-seven acres, about 12 bloc
square, with 60 liquor outlets, one mas-

parlor and one of the citys few
X-rated motels. Seven years ago, Fat City
was just flat swampland. Now there
apartment complex where 2057 ui
house 4650 people—mostly young, single
and horny.

Fat City is also the hub for suburban
shopping, but at five, the tone of the
malls changes. Its happy hour. Just ask
around and find out where ladies’
is and follow the crowd.

“You have to move fast,” explains one
young attorney. "Free drinks for the
ladies stop at ten at most places and if
you haven't scored by then, you have to
be sure you don’t get stuck buying drinks
for some chick who's going to tell you to
get lost at midnight."

‘The action in the discos doesn't even
begin until about ten р.м. Then the beat

sag

takes over at The Godfather and Night
Fever for the young professionals, while
the college crowd swings at Guess What's
Coming and Rumors. For live entertain-
ment, there's The Place. But a lot of the
action is on the sidewalks and in the
streets, where the crowds mill around à
la Bourbon Street. Paul, a systems analyst.
with a large computer company, explains
the Fat City lifestyle: “I'm only inter-
ested in casual sex. I've had it with mar-
riage and responsibility, I often sleep
with five different girls in one weck. They
are usually between 19 and 35. I find that
young girls are most liberated.

We watch a young woman with a mane
of blonde h nging out the window
of a Pinto. "You wanna have some fun?”

Paul checks out the body behind the
voice and the brunette behind the whecl.
“Sure, why not?" he says with a grin and
hops into the back seat. The girls live
ten miles away, in a quiet subdivision,
but never mind. They've taken a hotel
room for the weekend. It's Fat City.

Jack Dunn, a local lawyer, describes
the scene: “I've dled 300 divorce
cases in the last two years. People still
get married—and divorced. I see a lot of
young couples who have married right
out of high school, and then the fast life
slows down and they get restless.

"Its not that everybody who lives or
works in Fat City gocs out and trics to
score every night. It’s that you can if
that's wha

The d
for a certain frustration on the
single women in New Orleans.
not considered a good woman's town,"
says a striking, brown-haired model who
lives in the Garden District, New Or-
leans’ paradisiacal residential section just
west of downtown. “The men aren't seri-
ous. It's very hard to find a substantial
person with a good income who is pre-
dictable, It's different from Houston—
there the guys arc into settling down.”

New Orleans is a distribution center
whose revenues from tourism come in
second only to the income from its Mis-
sisippi River port (chiefly Midwestern
grains and petroleum products). It is a
family-conscious society with ethnic clan-
nishness (Catholics, Creoles, WASPs, Ital-
ians) whose stratification is expressed in
the rigid social structure of the krewes,
or Mardi Gras clubs. At the pinnacle of
nearly 100 krewes stand Comus, Rex and
Bacchus, whose annual Mardi Gras fetes
are a cross between New Year's Eve blow-
outs and fancy debutante balls, While the
king of cach krewe (a tightly held secret)
is always a moneyed man of high stand-
ing, the queen is always a fine-featured
18- or 19-year-old nubile from good fam-
ily who has been groomed for years to be
a Mardi Gras queen. The Louisiana State
Museum in the magnificent. cabildo be-
sidc St. Louis Cathedral on Jackson
Square memorializes the gowns and
names of past Mardi Gras queens. For a

daughter of New Orleans gentry, it is
almost better than getting married.

PROSTITUTION

“I only do hundreds—hundred-dollar
tricks,” says Mary. “I treat a man nice,
which is why I have so many old cus-
tomers still coming back to me. Some of
them have sent their sons to me. Most of
my business is local—that's the best busi-
ness in the world. They bring their clients
to you. I'm 50 years old. I had a face lift,
but I'm really making it on bullshit and
personality. I'm not stingy about how
long they stay; most of it is spent talking
and drinking, anyway. О‹ ally, Г
do two in one day, because I don't like
to turn down an old friend. But don't
forget: Whores are whores and they're
greedy. As long as there's a nickel, they'll
try to get it."

А semiretired hooker who stayed out of
jail and put three kids through college
during her years on Bourbon Street, Mary
now does a thriving one-trick-a-day busi-
ness out of the modest home she pur-
chased on the fringe of the Garden
District. Her white clapboard house with
wall-to-wall carpeting looks no different
from any of the other middle-class homes
on her shaded street not far from stately
St. Charles Avenue. “My neighbors are
good friends,” she says. “They probably
don't even know the meaning of the
word hooker.’

Mary works the nice part of town, re-
ceiving visitors in her home between 4:30
and 7:30 P.M.

"Y have one fellow who likes to be
hung up. He's the captain of a ship. He's
real nice, always brings mc a bottle of
booze or some cigarettes. What he does
is, he cuts a deck of cards and whatever
number comes up, that's how many min-
utes I'm supposed to leave him hung up.
He brings handcuffs and I hang him on
the shower rod. Once when I still lived
in the French Quarter, another girl.
friend and J went off and left him and
turned another trick while we were out.”

Down at Lucky Pierre's, they serve a
straighter trade—your basic traveling
businessman who will buy a
two, then pop for $50 (mi
(tops) to take her to his hotel room for 30
minutes. The standard service is “half
and half"—half blow jobs, half straight
sex. When Lucky Pierre's turns on its
glitzy chandelier and opens the doors at
nine р.м. the working girls drift in and
position themselves singly at small empty
tables or alone at the bar, but not around
the piano, which racting Гог
bu: apparent even
ting chicken farmers from Missis-
j, who, incidentally, are a favorite
clientele among the whores. “Those chick-
en farmers are always nice, and they

(Text continued on page 222. “Sex and

the Law in New Orleans” follows on
page 220.)

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219

Sex and the Law їп INew Orleans

Historically, New Orleans has al-
ways had an enlightened attitude
toward commercial sin. The city fa
thers were the first in the nation to
wrestle with the notion of a legalized
red-light district. In the late 19th
Century, prostitution was so generally
tolerated by a corrupt police depart-
ment that it flourished and spread
throughout the residential districts of
the city. Outrage eventually turned
to outery: It was left to a city alder-
man named Sidney Story to introduce
an ordinance that restricted "bawds
and houses of assignation” to a 20-
square-block area along Basin Street.
To Storys everlasting dismay, the
area became known as Storyville.
(Years later, Boston would adopt the
same strategy of restricting commer-
cial sex to an area known as the
Combat Zone.)

For exactly 20 years, Storyville
prospered as a combination pit
and fun house for the Middle South.
Eventually, Uncle Sam intervened.
Storyville was declared a hazard to mil-
itary men during World War Onc and
laws were introduced to banish prosti-
tution. The lasting legacy of Story-
ville is its contribution to American
jazz—some 200 musicians, including
Jelly Roll Morton, performed nightly
in large whorehouses. The combina-
tion of sex and showbiz infiltrates the
legal code,

For example, one law declares that.
“Any courtesan, bawd, lewd woman
or similar inmate of a bawdyhouse,
house of prostitution or assignation,
brothel or house of bad reputation or
any woman convicted of prostitution
or loitering in a house of prostitution
who shall be employed singing or
dancing in any bawdyhouse, in a
public or private place or resort . . .
shall be guilty of a misdemeanor.”

Section 63-18 of the Municipal
Criminal Code forbids “an entertainer

ring the clothing of opposite sex

forms of behavior where most cities
don't even have behavior.

New Orlcans has laws on the books
that could, if the need arose, be used
to haras and arrest fledgling sex
businesses. For example, it
the municipal code for
lors to lock their doors during business
hours, The obscenity laws define nu-
dity in such a way as to eliminate
most of what you sce on disco da
floors: “Nudity is defined as the show-
ing of the human male or female
genitals, pubic area or buttocks with

less than a full opaque covering or
the showing of the female breast with
les than a full opaque covering of
any portion thereof below the top of
the nipple or the depiction of covered
male genitals in a discernibly turgid
state.” If you get excited, guys, don't
show it.

The city statutes against obscenity
are quite detailed: “Hard-core sexual
conduct is the public portrayal for its
own sake and for ensuing commercial
gain of: (A) ultimate sexual acts, nor-
mal or perverted, actual, simulated or
animated, whether between human
beings, animals or an animal and a
human being... ." If Mickey Mouse
ever makes a move on Minnie, it will
be against the law in New Orleans.

But law and enforcement of the law
are two different things. As soon as
Uncle Sam left New Orleans, the local
police readopted the community stand-
ard that had condoned Storyville,
"Today, virtually all of the city’s com-
mercial sin—from prostitution to
phony massage parlors to peep
shows—is localized in the French
Quarter. It is as though one passes
through a curtain when crossing Canal
Street, North Rampart Street or
Esplanade Avenue into the Quarter.

Bar girls are relatively free to ply
their trade. But heat on street-corner
hookers has increased—in part be-
cause of the epidemic in prostitution-
related crimes such as mugging and
assault, The New Orleans vice squad
keeps systematic pressure on the cor-
ner trade—mostly on Iberville and
Decatur streets—while leaving what
one deputy police chief calls the
"honorable professional" alone. How
do officers enforce the law?

То make a case, as the cops call it,
an officer must be propositioned, un-
dressed, exchange the money and let
the hooker try to start making love to
him. At that point, he flashes his
badge and calls in his vice-squad part-
ner, who can then testify in court that
he saw both the girl and the other cop
naked together. The funny part is de-
ciding just when to flash the badge.
In New Orleans, the police like to let
the girls try to begin a blow job so
they can be charged with section
14-89—“crime against nature"—which.
is a felony. Simple prostitution is a
misdemeanor. By nailing the girl for
trying to have oral sex with him, "we
get the girls in a position where they
will usually plea-bargain for the
prostitution charge,” explains police
department information officer Lieu-
tenant Frank Hayward.

“It is important that the officer

stop the girl just before she goes dow
оп him,” says a former vice detective.
“Otherwise, he becomes a principal in
the case. Once we asked an old judge
what it would actually take to get

the ‘crime against nature’ conviction.
He thought about it for a few minutes
and then said, ‘Oh, about three sucks
should do."

Actually, no number of sucks will
do, according to the guys running the

a six-person jury." says Sergeant Dan-
ny Lawless of the vice squad.

"And what you can't do in these
cases is give the jurors anything they
can identify with," says vicesquad
detective Wayne Jusselin, “We once
tried someone for a crime against
nature and she was acquitted. When
ме make cases against pornography
stores, we try not to show the jurors
books or movies that they can watch
and start thinking, Hey, I'm going
home and try that tonight myself.

“Our attitude is that there is no
such thing as victimless crime,” ex-
plains Hayward. Yet the realities of
life in the country’s most sensuous
city have forced police to practice a
certain double standard. While over
300 prostitution arrests were made in
New Orleans last year—many of them
violence-prone transvestite streetwalk-
ers—only 60 cases made it to court.

In keeping with its own macho
spirit, however, it apparently never
occurred to New Orleans authorities to
arrest men as well as women in the act
of paid sex. While the vice squad has
included female cops, they are never
sent out as decoy hookers on “John
patrols” to nab unsuspecting horny
men, as has been the practice in such
grim antisex campaigns as the Miami
Police Department is waging.

New Orleans police are trying to
bring a steady pressure onto the porn
trade, but with only moderate success.
“We are trying to get to the suppliers
and distributors," explains one vice
cop, pointing out that the center of
the wholesale action appears to be in
Auanta. You can see and buy almost
anything you want in New Orleans—
except kiddie porn, where even the
smut-minded draw a line of respect-
ability. “One guy who runs an adult
bookstore told me that when he re-
ceives a box of pictures showing chil-
dren doing it, he returns it without
even taking them out of the carton,”
says vicesquad detective Rickey
Bruce. “He knows that would go be-
yond the community standard and we
would have a case against him.”

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PLAYBOY

222

Sex and the
Sons oi the South

“We have a saying around here,"
says a scraggly bearded junior in the
Zeta Beta Tau house at Tulane Uni
versity. “The only reason to fuck a
Newcomb bitch is because you're too
lazy to whack off."

“Newcomb pussies all smell.”

"How would you know? You've
never fucked one!

This is the tenor of the conversa-

tion in a crowded bedroom at the
ZBT house on Broadway. It is early
Friday evening and sex is on every-
body's mind and lips. Not because it's
Friday, mind you. In Tulane frat
houses, where the sons of the South
(and their brothers from the rest of
the country) major in the fine art of
tying, they think of sex seven days
a weck. Most of their general frus-
tration is directed at Tulane's 3658
cocds, known among the college's
5975 men as Newcomb bitches because
they are technically enrolled in New-
comb College, a part of "Tulane. The
bearded brother sets the tone:
"m into butt fucking. But you
definitely ain't gonna find any on
this campus. Back home in Charles-
ton, you give a girl a "Lude, you can
damn ncar do anything you want."

“Н you can get her to take the
'Lude.”

“Yeah. Give a girl coke and she'll
just disco all night.

The Zebes, who are not even re-
garded as the leading
have a special dispensation:
man who makes it with a Newcomb
bitch in the telephone booth on the
first floor of the house during rush can
become a brother without passing
through the dread initiation rites.
“Last year, a couple of guys misundei
stood the rules,” says one brother.
“They went downtown and got this
black hooker and fucked her in the
phone booth, right in front of every-
body. We п'є make them brothei
but we did name the telephone booth
alter then

College kids are full of such won-
drous tales. Members of Beta Theta
Pi pride themselves on an annual
party where they force their dates to
crawl through a maze in the basement.
Mattresses and boxes of condoms are
located at strategic points in the dark.
Beta Theta Pi holds current title to
the leading animal house at Tulane,
chiefly because the rich and celebrated
Dekes (Delta Kappa Epsilon) are “off-
campus," or on probation. Among
other traditional atrocitics—such as
forcing pledges to fuck a goat, trying.

to work Tabasco sauce up a girl's
panties with one's toe during dinner
and surprising an outcoming deb by
placing one's member ovcr her shoul-
der during a dinner party—it scems a
pledge was seriously injured a year or
two ago.

Not everybody at Tulane lives in
an animal house. Many of the wom-
en in Buder 1, which is re-
served for freshmen and thus known
as virgin territory. The guys across
McAllister Drive in Phelps Hall have
got the southern flank of Butler
plotted on a grid; they train their
telescopes on the windows at night
and pass out coordinates whenever
anybody scopes a good show.

Last year, Jambalaya, the school's
book, took a sex poll. Two hun-
dred randomly mailed questionnaires
produced 35 respondents—17 female,
18 male. Three of cach gender re-
ported themselves to be virgins, a
somewhat lower figure than conversa-
tions with students would lead one to
believe. The consensus at the Beta and
ZBT houses is that 80 percent of the
Tulane women are as yet unspoiled.

“Due to the shortage of females,”
says Jerry Pepper, former director of
advertising for the school newspaper,
the Hullabaloo, “you sort of get an un-
stated, unwritten agreement among
the guys that you share. Just because
the numbers are against you, if your
roommate has a girlfriend and he goes
away for a weekend, well, you might
get to know her really well. . . ." Pep-
per, like many well-heeled Tulaners,
lives in an apartment offcampus.

"The girls favor guys with olfcampus
apartments, where privacy is assured
and some fairly fancy sexual acro-
batis can be practiced. “One week-
end, my roommate broke a chair, a
coffee table and even a crystal vase on
the mantelpiece,” says one astonished
student: “They got it on everywhere.”

The drugs of choice at Tulane, be-
sides alcohol, follow the ional col-
legiate pattern: marijuana for general
use, Quaaludes for sex (53.50-95 a
pop) and, because of the extraordi-
nary affluence of the school, а fair
share of cocaine.

Then there was the fellow with tbe
bag of nitrous oxide slung over hus
shoulder at last year's zany Beaux
Arts ball at the school of architecture.
“He had it rigged to give people little
hits from a tube he had running be-
tween his legs,” laughed one coed.
“То get a hit, you had to bend down
like you were giving him head. It
was nice,"

never haggle over price,” clucks Rosene,
who spent ten years working the bar at
Lucky's before giving it all up for mar-
ige to, of all people, a cop. "The local
businessmen are the worst" she says.
"They think they should get a discount
just because they're from here" Hookers
also speak highly of the growing numbers
of Oriental businessmen coming to New
Orleans, “The Japanese have plenty of
money—and they're so clean,” said one
prostitute. “They'll take a shower before
and after a wick. And if you go again,
they'll shower again.”

The rest of the hooking trade is not so
nice. After midnight, Iberville Street in
the French Quarter is lined with black
streetwalkers and an astonishing number
of transvestites who will take almost any-
thing, down to $10-$20 for a blow job
the Along Decatur Street, they fre-
quent the Greek bars and hustle the
creasingly inebriated lonely guys working
hard on their general frustrations. Busi-
ness turns rough after three a.M., when
the vice squad quits work. "That's when
the muggings, wallet snatchings and key
thefts really pick up," says detective John
Auster of the vice squad. “That's why
we have to keep a certain amount of
heat on them all the time:

Some of the nastiest of the streetwalkers
are the transvestites. “They wear a gaft—
a kind of jockstrap that pulls their
stuff down," explains Auster, current
record holder in arrests made during the
past 12 months. "Some of them are
knockouts—they look better than the real
girls. And the customer is so drunk, he
fucks the guy in the ass and doesn't
notice the difference. After he's been
mugged and beaten up, if we catch the
whore, he'll say, ‘Yeah, she's the one.” I
say, "That ain't no she, pal.” He calls me
a liar. He swears he fucked a chi

cays

Sunday night is beer-bust night at
Jewel's. For one dollar at the door, you
get a stamp on the back of your hand and
all the beer you can drink from six until
nine. A rough-cut spot on a shabby
stretch of Decatur Street, Jewel's is an
unremodeled former scamen's bar that
caters blatantly to blue-jeaned gi
scarch of sex. You сап meet a
outgoing cross section of New Orleans’
large gay community, have your crotch
felt a time or two as a friendly passing
gesture and watch a shirtless volunteer
lancer doing disco steps on a barreltop
get his cock sucked by a gay passer-by.
Thursday night, you go to TT's West,
the gay community's other “hard-cruis-
ing" bar in the French Quarter. TT's, as
it is called, is host to the hts
D'Orleans, а gay motorcycle gang-«um-
Mardi Gras krewe. The theme at T T's
hard leather. If you don't have a rig, you
can buy it right there. T T's has a trinket

(Text continued on page 226. “Playboy's
Telephone Survey" follows on page 225.)

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224

Playboy's Telephone Survey

The natives of New Orleans do not have a high regard for
the rest of the country. When we asked 545 randomly se-
lected people between the ages of 18 and 40 to rate the sexual
temperature of their city against that of five other cities, we
discovered an interesting division: The people who answered
our survey gave themselves a fairly high temperature of 75
degrees (and 59 percent thought that it was on the risc). In
contrast, they ranked Los Angeles a mere 60, Miami a modest
63, Chicago a 69, New York a 77 and Las Vegas an 84. The
average of their ratings (71) is lower than the average rating
we obtained in Chicago (74) and much lower than the average
rating weobtained in Miami (83).

Most Orleanians liked their city: 86 percent thought there
Was a lot to do; 38 percent thought it was a great place to
live. They were backed by 41 percent who thought things
were good. When we asked the citizens to agree or disagree
with certain statements about New Orleans, we found that
natives had a relatively pristine view of their city. Fewer
than half of the respondents (48 percent) thought that New
Orleans had become more permissive in the past five years.

Fifty-seven percent thought that organized crime had a
free hand in the New Orleans area. =

Seventy-four percent thought that drug use had increased
over the past five years.

Seventyone percent thought that if a person wanted to
gamble in the New Orleans area, he could find some action.

Forty-nine percent thought that there had been an increase
in the number of adult bookstores.

Eighty-two percent acknowledged the existence of gay bars
in the area.

Fiftyseven percent knew of places where prostitution was
openly practiced; 44 percent thought that the police were
closing their eyes to the oldest profession.

Those figures are the lowest to date in our survey of Amer-
ican cities. Local politicians claim that most of the sex in
New Orleans is for the tourists, that the natives of the city
are a fairly decent crew. Perhaps. What we can say is that
they are rather restrained in their support of the sexual
revolution. When it came to erotic movies, porn or prostitu-
tion, they were less likely than the citizens of the other cities
we surveyed to think that such activities should be allowed,
to know someone who engaged in such activities or to
engage in them themselves.

Adult Movies: Fifty-eight percent of the people we polled
thought that adult films should be allowed in the New
Orleans area. Sixty-two percent knew someone who had been
to an X-rated flick, while only 35 percent had gone them-
selves. Slightly more than a third of those reported that they
had enjoyed the experience.

Pornography: Only 48 percent of the people with whom
we talked thought that adult bookstores should be allowed
in New Orleans. Forty-six percent said they knew someone
who had visited a porn shop, but only 26 percent reported
having browsed in one. While a relatively high percentage
of those (42 percent) reported having purchased erotic ma-
terial, an even higher 50 percent found those purchases
stimulating. And only one out of four of the people we
polled had ever opened a sex manual such as The Joy of Sex.

Prostitution: Only $3 percent of the people thought that
the oldest profession should be allowed to practice in the
streets of New Orleans. A significantly higher percentage
(52 percent) thought massage parlors were OK. Twenty per-
cent knew someone who had been to a prostitute, but barely
one percent had been themselves.

Homosexuality: Fifty-seven percent of the people we inter-
viewed thought that gay bars should be allowed to exist.
‘Thirty-four percent knew someone who had been to a gay
bar, while a surprising 17 percent had gone to one.

PLAYBOY

226

store on the premises: motorcycle chain
belts (for your pants and, maybe, your
ass), leather harness for assorted fun, a
20-inch curved double-headed dildo (pre-
sumably for fucking two asses at once)
and a 16-inch dildo in the shape of a fist
instead of a penis. All in a night's sadism.
‘TT's also has the proverbial back room,
where more or less anything goes.

“Sex is so much easier between men,”
says Mark. "You just climax and that's
it" Mark and his lover, Alan, are pro-
tectively leading my guided tour of gay
night life in New Orleans. “There's no
question of whether a man puts out or
not—I mean, that's a silly question.”

New Orleans has for decades been the
chief Southern stop on the national gay
circuit. Truman Capote was a frequent
visitor. Tennessee Williams wrote 4
Streetcar Named Desire a small room
at the Maison de Ville (then a boarding-
house, now an expensive hotel) on
Toulouse Street, Some gay bars go back
20 years. Because of the city’s laissez-
faire attitude, it was one of the first to
come out of the closet. “New Orleans is
Continental and has a more tolerant
attitude,” says Alan. “The rest of dis
country is English and more restrictive.

The gay community in New Orleans
has the advantage of occupying an almost
self-contained part of town that begins in
the residential half of the French Quar-

ter, runs eastward through the Faubourg
Marigny and culminates in the next
neighborhood, the Bywater. There are
enough gays concentrated in one place
that an excellent gay newspaper, Impact,
publishes 15,000 copies a month. It is dis-
tributed free in the several dozen men's
and women's restaurants and bars.

"There are three bars within one block
of one another on Bourbon Street that
form the axis of social life in the gay
‘The Cafe Lafitte In Exile is
a threesided nd-looking bar with
stools lining the walls. It is the social
headquarters of the community and less
of a hard sex hangout than, say, Jewel's.
To put the make on a man you like at
Lafitte’s, if there is no one around to
introduce you, you do the same thing you
might do for a pretty woman in the Palm
Court of the Plaza Hotel in New York:
buy him a drink. The only woman ever
seen in Lafitte's is the dusky, bare-breast-
ed Creole whose dignified portrait hangs
over the bar. On Lafitte's second floor,
young hustlers who may be on the line
between their straight pasts and their gay
futures take on all comers at the pool
table. One wall contains a print of a
branded male ass, a drawing of one man
going down on another and two deer
heads.

One block down the street, the Bour-
bon Pub and Le Bistro face each other

“Then she took the divorce settlement and set up
a company that is putting me out of business!"

at the corner of St. Ann Street. Le Bi-
stro is known as a pickup place for older
gays looking for young chickens (gay jail-
bait from the suburbs), while the Bour-
bon Pub is noted chiefly for the nonstop
dancing in its upstairs disco, the Parade.
Most of the dancers are males, but one
sees occasional straight couples vi
the Parade for its good music and lively
dance floor.

Like the straights, the gays build their
lifestyle around bars and restaurants. "In
New York, even if you live on Christo-
pher Street, a lot of gays are really try-
ing to make it professionally—in the
theater or whatever,' explains Alan.
"Here, gay life is mostly social. People
resist even getting involved politically

Yet the New Orleans gay community is
already regarded as an organized political
force within the city. An estimated 52,000
gays are registered to vote. Morial active-
ly cultivated the gay vote during his suc-

to the classic new coalition of blacks and
liberals that is putting black mayors into
city halls around the country.

“I sometimes fuck men, but only for
political reasons.” She is blonde, strong-
featured and, judging by the action
beneath her loose-fitting knit dress, well
built. She is a sometime writer and
political activist. She is also gay, semi.
closet. She is nice. One could gladly imag-
ine being one of the men she fucks, but
she has already announced that it would
be a purely political act.

"I get wet," she admits. “But I don't
come. I come only with women."

New Orleans is like that. The lady has
obliged more than one man of political
prominence and is presently entertaining
an offer from a judge of some notoriety
to join him and his wife in the conjugal
bed. "He wants me to sleep with her
because he thinks she is рау," she ex-
plains. The rationale for her lifestyle: “I
figure I can do more good for the gay
community by living as a quasi straight.”

“Women, gay or straight, are just less
promiscuous than men. I think it is a
matter of temperament.” This is a gay
woman, a feminist to boot, speaking, who
still, for the rather sobering fear that she
will be booted out of her profession, has
onc foot in the closet. In the French
Quarter, she has the other foot out. The
lifestyle of female gays is not only less
flamboyant than that of gay men but
even more conservative, it seems, than that
of straight women. There are only three
"women's bars" in New Orleans, and
none of them is a true cruising bar.
"People come to my bar for talk or a
drink after work or to dance later on,”
explains Charlene Schneider, barkeeper
and outspoken gay columnist in Impact.
“But it is not really a pickup place.”

“For years, we had no place to go in
public,” explains one gay woman. “So we
got into the habit of having private din-
ner parties. That's where I meet other

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PLAYBOY

228

women." Parts of the lesbian community
are so exclusive that they are never seen
at Charlene's or even at other French
Quarter dinner parties. One such well-
to-do uptown set is known among other
gay women as “the River Ridge dykes.”

A more common sight in the gay bars
is of girls in their late teens who are just
now coming out. “We call them baby
dykelets,” laughs one gay hospital worker.

While the men's gay community feels
its strength enough to get away with just
about anything, the lesbian community
still feels threatened a bit not only by
the straight world but by gay men as well.
“They don't much like us in their bars,
says Alan, "because they think if a lot of
men come, we'll take over." Charlene's
chicf concern is keeping away predatory
straights, especially couples cruising for a
gay woman to join in a threesome. Dur-
ing Mardi Gras, a sign on her door rea
IF YOU AIN'T GAY, YOU CAN'T STAY. Char-
lene controls the traffic flow with seven
electronic remote door buzzers distributed
around her bar. She can examine people
at her front door because it consists en-
tirely of one-way mirrors. If she doesn't
like what she sees, no buzzer. Inside,
Charlene maintains order with three
rules: “No fighting, no fucking, no dope.”
She explains: “I make you a deal: You
don't smoke dope in my bar and I don't
shoot your kneecaps off."

SWINGERS.

What Kim is looking for is the ulti-
mate orgasm, a communal coming that
flies fearlessly beyond the boundaries of
Erica Jong's zipless fuck: "I would like
to have three guys come inside me at
once,” says Kim, smiling that broad-
toothed Oriental smile that gives a man
some strong ideas about which part of her
he might like to be in at the time.

Kim, a Korean, and her American hus-
band, Clinton, run a circle of young and
old swingers whose chief joy seems to lie
in multiple orgasms. “This is what I've
been looking for all my life but couldn't
find,” explains Peggy at a swingers’ mixer
with free buffet in a suburban bar just
off Interstate 10. She recently had the ex-

ted near Washington, D.C.

While New Orleans swingers generally
look askance at the impersonal, mindless,
mob-scene orgiastics of a large swing club
such as Plato's Retreat in New York,
lans for a very private, on-premise club
in New Orleans are already a gleam in
the eye of Ben, Peggy's swing partner and
the man primarily responsible for or-
ganizing New Orleans swingers into the
Crescent City Couples Club.

Swinging is just reaching the take-off
stage in New Orleans. According to
Playboy's Telephone Survey, only 4.7 per-
cent of the people in New Orleans have
been to swingers’ parties. That figure may
change. Thanks largely to the efforts of

Ben and Peggy, Orleanians are now
in a position to look over their potential
bedmates for the night before the nego-
tiating has reached an embarrassing stage.
“We used to have to put ads іп the paper
and then tell another couple we would
meet them in a dimly lit bar with a red
carnation in my lapel,” recalls Ben.
“You'd show up and sometimes they
turned out to be people you wouldn't
sit next to on a bus.” The move away
from swingers’ ads in the newspaper came
just in time, too; last year, the under-
ground weekly Figaro canceled its “Com-
panions" section of the classifieds and
refused to accept any more swingers’ ads.
Ben now places a general “couples ad”
in the underground newspaper Gris-Gris
every week.

As in many other cities, organized
swinging in New Orleans appears to be
the belated awakening of conservative
middle-class nonprofessionals who have
recently decided they wanted something
more out of thcir sex lives than their own
mates or occasional unconfessed adultery.
They are part of what appears to be
the second American sexual revolution:
people over 35 who lead otherwise perfect-
ly straight, suburban lives and who missed
out on the youthful upheavals and new
sexual freedom of the Sixties. Now it
is their turn.

“I have been married for 15 years,”
says Jim, who drives two hours every
Saturday from Biloxi, Misisippi, with
his stunning blonde wife, Karen, 34 going
on 25, to join other couples at the swing-
ers mixer. “For the first five years, I didn't.
do anything. Then for about seven years,
I started going out with my buddies and
screwing around—without telling Karen.
You'd think screwing around with your
best friend would be great, right? But it
wasn't. One day I said, "Why not screw
around with your really best friend?”
That's when I got Karen into swinging.
Now it means more than ever, because
we're closer than we were before.”

New Orleans swingers most frequently
use motel rooms or, occasionally, private
homes for their get-togethers. Every two
or three months, the club organizes what
it calls a social in a larger hotel or coun-
try dub outside town. To the unwitting,
the 20 to 24 couples who show up for the
event appear to be just another trade
association or private club having a week-
end cocktail hour. What they don't know
is that the group has reserved an entire
floor of the hotel, and that half the mat-
tresses have been dragged into one room,
turning it into a wall-to-wall sexual play-
ground. "We make sure to get the mat-
tresses back in our rooms before the maids.
show up in the morning,” laughs Ben.

There is an almost religious zeal in the
voices of some of the swingers, including
a handful of surprisingly young couples,
who have converted to swinging like
taking up a new faith.

"It's inspiring," says Gretchen, an in-
terior designer. “It’s so inspiring that the
man can get off sometimes six, seven
times in one evening. I mean, this is for
2 guy who normally can go only three
tat the most.”

you like is seeing your lady
says Ryan, her lover.

Lonnie and Brock go to the club dur-
ing the winter but favor a local nudist
camp in the summer. Although it's nomi-
nally a family camp, a number of couples
hit it off so well on the volleyball court
that they have taken their games into the
privacy of the bedrooms. "You have to
be very discreet," says Brock. “It’s all
behind closed doors. But you can always
tell the other swingers by a certain look
in their eyes. And at the camp, the nice
thing is that you can see exactly what
you're going to get beforehand."

Light drug use is popular among New
Orleans swingers, who favor marijuana
("Everybody smokes,” says one) or home-
brewed MDA, the rcnowncd “love po-
tion.” “The nice thing about MDA is that
it lasts four or five hours and gets better
toward the end,” says one swinger. “On
the roll-off, you feel incredibly sexy.”
Cocaine, they say, is rarely used.

Swingers in southern Louisiana are at
great pains to keep their lifestyle a secret.
Most of them are the last people their
friends and colleagues would suspect of
swapping their wives or girlfriends every
weekend. Some are Government employ-
ees, others small businessmen, another
in the Navy, and so forth.

Nonorganized swinging seems to be the
more common pastime of people with
money and names to protect. “We don't
ever talk about swapping,” explains a
wealthy New Orleans businessman who
keeps a cottage and a girlfriend in the
French Quarter. "Everybody just gets
loaded and it happens.”

.

Ultimately, New Orleans is an orgasm
waiting to happen. As a city, it is the San
Francisco of the South—devoted to the
twin pursuits of hedonism and style. It is
a city of limited material ambitions,
which partially explains why Houston
(to the west) and Atlanta (to the east)
have bypassed New Orleans as commer-
cial hubs of the New South. “Achicve-
ment is the one thing nobody here gives
a shit about,” says one medium achiever.
“Partying is what is important to us.”
Yet it is for the same reasons an urban
place that retains the beauties and bene-
fits of that lifestyle, with equal parts of
history, comfort and modernization com-
bining to produce an easy pace, a sensu-
ous atmosphere and sufficient money to
enjoy them both, It is a town, says one
young New Orleans woman, “where you
can be whatever you want and people
will still leave you alone.”

Welcome to New Orleans.

THIS FAMILY OF VOLVO
OWNERS HAS ONE MILLION
MILES ON IT.

Some years ago, Barry Vandenberg, an Sure enough, as the Vandenberg children
insurance agent from Oxnard, California, ^ reached driving age, the Volvo population
decided on some life insurance for his family. exploded. Today the Vandenbergs own

He wanted his whole family to drive seven Volvos, with a total of one million
Volvos, because he felt Volvos were the miles on them.

safest cars on the road. “These Volvos are still running beautifully,
r e even after all those hard miles; says Mr.

| Vandenberg. “Моге importantly, Volvos
© safety features help me sleep better at night.
My kids are too old to coddle. But they'll
never be too old to protect?

Statistics show that 9 out of 10 people
who have bought new Volvos are happy,
especially with Volvos safety features.

Building roomy, dependable, safer family
cars has always been a Volvo tradition.

It’s nice to see that for some families,
buying them isa VOLVO

== tradition, too. A car you can believe in. =

PLAYBOY

230

PIGSKIN PREVIEW (continued from page гоо)

“The Rebels can hold off the enemy with the booming
barefoot punts of Playboy All-America Jim Miller.”

Incumbent quarterback Jeff Pybum could
well be displaced by blue-chip sophomore
Buck Belue. Unfortunately, the defensive
unit has problems, most serious of which
is the lead-footed linebacking corps.

THE SOUTH

SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE

Alabama 10-1 Mississippi

‘Auburn 9-2

Georgia

Florida. 83

Tennessee — 7-4

Mississippi. 6—5
ATLANTIC COAST CONFERENCE

North Carolina. Clemson 5-6

tate 8-3 Virginia 5-5
North Carolina 8—3 Georgia Tech 4-7
Maryland 7—4 Wake Forest 3-8
Duke 6-5

Kentucky 3-8

SOUTHERN CONFERENCE

Chattanooga 8-3 Appalachian
Furman 8-3 State
Western East Tennessee 5-6
Carolina 7-4 Marshall 2-9
The Citadel 6-5
Virginia
5-6

Military
INDEPENDENTS

9-2 Richmond T4
8-3 Virginia Tech 6—5
7-4 William & Mary 6-5
6-5 Southern
4-1 Mississippi 4-7
7-4

TOP PLAYERS: Ogilvie, Stephenson, Hamil-
ton (Alabama); Cribbs, Wood, Warren, Brooks
(Auburn); Robinson, Donaldson, Scott (Geor-
m Brantley, Collinsworth (Florida); James,
treater, Harper (Tennessee); Miller, Walker
(Mississippi); McDole, Jones, Cooks (Missis-
sippi State}; Adams, Gajan, Atiye (LSU);
Mordica, Heflin (Vanderbilt); Jaffe, Carter
(Kentucky); Ritcher, Wilson (North Carolina
State); Barden, Lawrence (North Carolina);
Sievers, Burruss (Maryland); Broadie, Rior-
dan (Duke); Stuckey, B. Brown, L. Brown
(Clemson), Anderson, Vigorito (Virginia);
Kelley, Chadwick (Georgia Tech); McDougald,
Kitson (Wake Forest); Creager, Burke (Chat-
‘tanooga); Henderson, Morgan (Furman); Harp
(Western Carolina); Mitchell, Kreber (The
Citadel); Alston, Jones (Virginia Military);
Brown, Beasley (Appalachian State); Hutsell
(East Tennessee); Inquartano (Marshal
Rogers, Schechterly (South Carolina); Si
mons, Flowers (Florida State); Hontas, Simon
(Tulane); Axson, Gonzalez (Miami); Locke,
Clark (Memphis State); Brewington (East
Carolina); Williams (Richmond); McDougald,
Lewis (Virginia Tech); Shull, Scott (William &
Mary); Stewart, Harvey (Southern Mississippi).

South Carolina
Florida State
Tulane

Miami
Memphis State
East Carolina

Florida fielded an extremely young
team against а very rugged schedule last
fall, and lost some close games against
strong opponents. The experience, there-
fore, should make the Gators a leading
contender for the Southeastern Confer-

ence title this fall. New coach Charley
Pell spent the spring instilling confidence
in his squad and looking for a quarter-
back to back up John Brantley, who has
had trouble staying healthy. The defense,
with Playboy All-America linebacker Scot
Brantley and 18 more of last season's top
99 defenders returning, will be superb.

Coach Johnny Majors’ long rebuilding
job at Tennessee is beginning to pay divi-
dends, but there is still a way to go before
the Vols can regain their prominence of
a decade ago. There are some gem-quality
players in camp; the best are Playboy
All-America defensive back Roland
James and quarterback Jimmy Streater.
Redshirt freshman Glenn Ford and in-
cumbent Hubert Simpson will give the
Vols the best pair of fullbacks in the
South. Add prize soph tailbacks James
Berry and Terry Daniels—plus a much-
improved offensive line—and Tennessee's
running attack could be spectacular.

Much of Mississippi's fortune this fall
depends on the recovery of a number of
players injured. during spring drills. Sev-
eral incoming freshmen—best of whom is
runner Buford McGee—will undoubtedly
be pressed into immediate duty. Veteran
running back Freddie Williams has been
moved to flanker, so the passing game
should get a big lift. If all else fails,
the Rebs can hold off the enemy with the
booming barefoot punts of Playboy All-
America Jim Miller.

The Mississippi State team has recov-
ered, it is hoped, from the emotional
turmoil of the sudden departure last
January of coach Bob Tyler. New coach
Emory Bellard will, of course, install the
wishbone attack (he invented it), and it
should be an instant success, thanks to the
presence of an impressive stable of run-
ners and a solid offensive line. Bellard
will also utilize the proset formation in
time to exploit the pass-catching abilities
of split end Mardye McDole.

This is Charlie McClendon's final year
as coach at LSU, and the prognosis for a
glittering departure isn't very bright. All
but two of last years offensive starters
have graduated and, though the LSU
squad always has good depth, there will
likely be shakedown problems in the
early weeks of the season. The defensive
unit will feature John Adams and Lyman
White, two of the better ends in the
country—a fortunate circumstance, since
the linebacking will be below par. A
more serious threat will be the possible
squad-morale problems generated by Mc-
Clendon's imminent departure and the
uncertainty about his successor.

New Vanderbilt coach George MacIn-
tyre’s major job will be to construct a
respectable offensive line, the lack of
which has been the major cause of the
Commodores’ past three successive 2-9
seasons. Despite puny blocking, runner
Frank Mordica gained over 1000 yards
last season and quarterback Van Heflin
emerged as a possible future great. To-
gether, they will put on quite an offensive
show this fall. The defense is in bad need
of repair, so don't look for miracles in
Nashville this year.

It will also be a lean year in Lexington.
Losses from graduation, disciplinary ac-
tion and other assorted misfortunes have
left Fran Сигсї with the thinnest Ken-
tucky squad in his coaching career. The
crop of recruits looks promising and
many of them will be pressed into im-
mediate action. The quarterback situa-
tion is espedally crii Fortunately,
sophomore runner Chris Jones is a gem
and scems destined for future stardom.

With a litle luck, North Carolina
State could be a leading contender for the
national championship. Graduation losses
were few, the offensive line (led by
Playboy All-America center Jim Ritcher)
is big, strong and experienced and the
defensive unit is the Wolfpack's best in
more than a decade. Incumbent quarter-
back Scott Smith will have trouble keep-
ing his job from being usurped by
redshirt freshman. Darnell Johnson, who
lool e a certain future superstar. One
of State's most prolific scorers will be
diminutive field-goal kicker Nathan Rit-
ter. The air in Raleigh is heady with
optimism.

The North Carolina team was booby-
trapped last season by the players in-
ability to adapt to coach Dick Crum's
newly installed veer offense. In midsca-
son, Crum reverted to the 1 formation
and the Tar Heels finished strong. Last
years problems, including the players
lack of confidence in the new coaching
staff, now seem solved by time and
familiarity. Unfortunately, the squad
isn’t as deep in talent as last fall, especial-
ly in the defensive line. Freshman Kelvin
Bryant will team with Amos Lawrence to
give the Tar Heels a splendid pair of
running backs.

Best news at Maryland is that runner
George Scot's leg is healed. If coach
Jerry Claiborne can figure a way to get
both him and soph Charlie Wysocki into
the backfield at the same time, the Terps
will have an awesome running attack.
Claiborne's main task is replacing seven
graduated offensive starters. The replace-
ments, though green, are promising, so
Maryland should again be a top contend-
er for league honors by season's end.

The Duke schedule, fortunately, offers
much relief from last fall's murderous
slate. New coach Red Wilson has in-
stalled the veer offense to take advantage
of the returning talent at the skilled

positions, Runner Stanley Broadie will be
the work horse of the new attack. The
defense needs reinforcements, but young
talent could fill the gaps in a hurry. Soph.
defensive tackle Paul Heinsohn will be a
terror when he finishes growing.

Last year’s splendid Clemson team w.
wiped out by graduation. New coach
Danny Ford's major problem will be to
construct a new offense around slippery
tailback Lester Brown. The defense, led
by Playboy All-America tackle Jim Stuck-
ey, will have to hold off the enemy while
the attack forces regroup.
ars to be the best Virgi
team in many years. The Cavaliers were
very impressive in their final two games
of last season, due largely to the emer-
gence of freshman Todd Kirtley as a
primequality quarterback. Although
depth will still be a serious problem,
especially on defense, the Virgin
benefit from much

Conference this season, but with only
one conference game (with Duke) on the
slate, the Jackets won't be eligible for
the league title. The presence of wonder-
fully talented sophomore quarterback
Mike Kelley has inspired coach Pepper
Rodgers to switch to the pro-I offense.
Unfortunately, graduation made serious
inroads in the offensive line and receiver
corps, and Rodgers spent all of spr
practice searching for adequate replace
ments, The Jackets will have to depend
on a veteran defense to keep them in the
arly games. If the offense gets its act
together, it will be wide-open and ex
ing to watch

Wake Forest will also field a much
more mature squad than a о, with
17 starters returning. Halfback James
MeDoug: dy the school's all
time leading rusher. Add flashy soph
quarterback David Webber, plus a sure-
handed set of receivers, and the Deacons
should field a dazzling offens

Chattanooga, having shared the South-
ern Conference title two years in a row,
will try to win it outright this season. Its
success will depend on finding a depend-
k and healing the emo-
wounds from last falls racia
dissension.

Furman, with its entire starting back-
field returning, will be Chattanooga's
main rival for the conference crown.
The other Southern Conference teams
face such widely varying schedules that
the final won-lost records will likely be
no indicators of their relative strengths.
Western Carolina, after several seasons of
explosive offenses, will be a defense-
oriented team. The Citadel team could
have a successful season if it can survi
consecutive encounters with Navy
Vanderbilt. VMI will depend on a vet
eran defense while new quarterback Lar-

d is alre

ry Hupertz settles into his job. The
Keydets’ top scorer this fall could be
splendid place kicker Craig Jones. Qu
terback Steve Brown and receiver. Rick
Beasley will again make Appalachian
е a very exciting team to watch, East
Tennessee begins its first conference race
with a serious lack of meaty linemen. At.
Marshall, new coach Sonny Randle takes
over a squad with high hopes for the
future but very little depth. Fortunately,
there is a bumper crop of incoming fresh-
m most notably, fullback Chuck In-
quartano.

South Carol should be one of the
surprise teams of the country. The Game-
cocks won only five games last fall but
were within 13 points of winni
others. With 18 retur

fullback George Rogers), an
group of receivers and added n
for quarterback Garry Harper, this
should be the super season for which
h Jim Carlen has been building. The
schedule is rugged, with the likes of
gia, Notre Dame and Florida State,
but look for the Gamecocks to wind up
a bowl.

Flon State also has 18 returning
starters, but the Seminoles’ optimism is
largely based on the return of last year's
succesful quarterback tandem. Wally
Woodham is the starting pitcher, but
Jimmy Jordan often comes out of the

bled sit s receivers
also return, so the aerial fireworks should
be dazzling in Tallahassee this fall. Aided
by a hard-nosed defense, the Seminoles
should bea top-20 club this season.

There is also much optimism at Tu-
lane, where most of the key players return
from a '78 squad that was much better
than its 4-7 record indicates. A severe
lack of depth in the offensive line may
prove to be the Wave's Achilles’ heel.

New coach Howard Schnellenberger
takes over an extremely young Miami
squad that should improve dra
over the next two years
Fourteen frosh cared letters last fall and
many of the other steady players were
sophs. Add those to another good crop
of recruits and look for the Hurricanes to
come on strong by season's end.

Kevin Betts will replace the depart-
ed and much-lamented quarterback Lloyd

“All right, class, all right. I believe we've all seen
the janitor expose himself before.”

231

PLAYBOY

232

Patterson at Memphis State, bur he could
lose the job to any one of three promis-
g sophs. It will also be impossible to
equately replace graduated receiver
t Gray, so look for a much less po-
tent air attack in М. phis thi: itumn.
Fortunately, both lines are deep and

Carolina defensive unit, rated
second best in the country last fall, should.
again carry the Pirates to a successful sea-
son, despite a strengthened schedule.
Linebacker Mike Brewington and cat-
quick quarterback Leander Green will
again be the headliners.

or the past two seasons, the Richmond
lineup has been heavily laden with
freshmen and sophomores, who have now
become experienced, so the Spiders will
be much improved on the basis of ex-
perience alone.

Virginia Tech will benefit from a
bumper crop of recruits, including three
gem-quality tailbacks, best of whom is
speedy Gyrus Lawrence. Added to incum
bent runners Kenny Lewis and Mickey

itzgerald, they should give the Gobblers
a superb running attack.

The William &
ly the defen:
graduation. Luc
good offensive li
wins the quarter

Southern. Mis:

у team—especial-
nearly wiped out by
y. a veteran and very
returns; but whoever
k job will be green.

sippi's major problem

horrendous schedut
quarterback Dane McDaniel and a classy
group of runners are returning, but both
the offensive line and the kicking game
will be serious problems.

.

The Big Eight conference champion-
ship race will again be a dead heat be-
tween Nebraska and Oklahoma. Both
teams will have new quarterbacks, a host
of impressive runners and reconstructed
offensive lines. The Nebraska defense is
tougher and deeper, however, which ap-
pears to give the Cornhuskers the inside
track.

The new Nebraska quarterback will be
either Jeff Quinn or Tim Hag
Quinn emerging from spring р
number one. Transfer Jarvis Red
(from Oregon S 1. M. Hipp,

Dependable

fearsome rushers. The receivers are also
plentiful and good, and Junior Miller is
an awesome tight end.

Heisman Trophy winner Billy Sims
and David Overstreet will give Oklahoma
a sizzling halfback tandem. Although new
quarterback J. C. Watts has a strong
throwing arm, which could signal a new
dimension to the Sooner attack, Okla-
homa will continue to be a run-oriented
team. Coach Barry Switzer must find a
kicker among the fine crop of incoming

freshmen to replace graduated superfoot
Uwe von Schamann.

The Missouri team will feature two
ır juniors, quarterback Phil B
nd runner James Wilder. A large
percentage of the other key players are
also third-year men, which means the Ti-
gers could be a serious contender for
the national championship a year from
now. They would be on equal footing
with Nebraska and Oklahoma this season
were it not for the lack of a dependable

THE NEAR WEST
BIG EIGHT

92
92

lowa State 6-5
Kansas State 6-5
6-5 Oklahoma State 5-6
6-5 — Kansas 3-8

‘SOUTHWEST CONFERENCE

9-2 Texas A&M
8-3 Arkansas 6-5
8-3 Тех
Christian 2-9
Methodist 7-4 — Rice 1-10
Texas Teh 74

MISSOURI VALLEY CONFERENCE

New Mexico Indiana State
State 8-3 Drake

Southern Wichita State
Illinois 8-3 West Texas

Tulsa 7-4 State

INDEPENDENTS
Air Force

Nebraska
Oklahoma
Missouri

Colorado

Texas 74
Houston
Baylor

Southern

1-4
5—6
47
i

North Texas 2-9

State. 9-2

TOP PLAYERS: Hipp, Miller, Saalfeld (Ne-
braska), Sims, Cumby, Tabor (Oklahoma);
Bradley, Wilder, Richards (Missouri); Brock,
Haynes (Colorado); Boskey, Cuvelier, Neal
(lowa State); Goodlow, Miller (Kansas State);
Corker, Bailey (Oklahoma State); Irvin (Kan-
sas); Johnson, Jones, Acker, McMichael
(Texas); Jones, Hodge, Taylor Houston);
Singletary, Johnson, Abercrombie (Baylor);
Tolbert, Ford (Southern Methodist); Hadnot,
Adams, Reeves (Texas Tech); Dickey, Green
(Texas A & M); Kolenda, Stewart (Arkansas);
Talley, Grimes (Texas Christian); Hertel
(Rice); Evans, Niles, Pope (New Mexico
State); House, Phillips (Southern Illinois);
Blackmon, Smith, Nicholson (Tulsa); Allman
(Indiana State); Ball (Drake); Williams
(Wichita State); McElroy, Keller (West Tex.
as State); Case, Morris, Jackson (North
Texas State); Ziebart, Williams (Air Force)

backup for Bradley and proven replace-
ments for last year’s three leading receiv-
ers. An asset this fall is the fact that the
three toughest opponents—Texas, Ne-
braska and Oklahoma—all will be played
on home turf. Missouri is the only Big
Eight school with a natural-grass stadium,
and that's a distinct advantage for home
games.

New Colorado coach Chuck Fairbanks
brought with him a skilled staff of assist-
ants who will do the actual on-field
coaching while he talks to the press, hob-
mobs with wealthy jock freaks and puts
his bes face forward for the television
cameras. The new staff, headed by Doug
Dickey, has already installed a more
flexible and imaginative offense than

last year’s attack, which largely featured
runs between the tackles and pases оп
third down and 15 yards to go. The most
interesting feature of preseason drills
will be the battle between senior Bill
Solomon and sophomore Charlie Davis
for the quarterback job. Incoming fresh-
man Clyde Riggins will give much-needed
help to the runni ack. Dickey's main
concern in fall drills be the search for
dependable depth—spring practice re-
vealed a wide difference in quality
between starters and reserves.

If everything falls into place, new
coach Donnie Duncan could make it big
his first year at Iowa State. With only
eight starters returning, the ranks would
appear to be thin, but the replacements—
many of whom were part-time starters in.
'78—аге top quality. Duncan will enjoy
a rare luxury, three dependable veteran
quarterbacks (Walter Grant, Terry Rub-
ley and John Quinn). The defense,
though dangerously thin, will be an-
chored by sensational sophomore line-
man Chris Boskey, 2 certain future
All-America.

Alter years of futility, prospects are
brightening at Kansas State. Skilled new
will be throwing to
ers in the league,
Eugene Соо ом, John Liebe and Eddy
Whitley. Add fullbacks Roosevelt Dun-
can and Darryl Black, who together
caught st year. Also add bril-
liant rookie tailback Keith Dearring, who
will bring much muzzle velocity to the
running game. Other pluses will be a
vetel offensive line and a solid kicking
game. Look for the Wildcats to pull off
a couple of staggering upsets this n.

New Oklahoma State coach Jimmy
Johnson takes over a squad that is hob-
ed by N.C.A.A. probation and a pre-
ious lack of depth everywhere except
. Despite these

sp?
drills. Excellent recruits give hope for
the future.

Don Fambrough begins
tenure (he was pressured out in 1974) as
head coach at Kansas. He has scrapped
the wishbone апас
set offense th i
The field general will be soph quarter-
back Kevin Clinton. Two freshman run-
apers and Garfield Taylor,

second

nt to the running attack. If some ade-
quate reinforcements can be found for
both lines, the Jayhawks could be the
most improved team in the league, That
will still leave them a long way to go.
Texas won nine games last season, in-
cluding the Sun Bowl annihilation of
Maryland, and 39 of the top 44 players
on that squad are back in camp—which
gives you an idea of how strong the Long-
horns will be this year. The only possible
trouble spot is the quarterback position,

where soph Donnie Little is the only
contender who saw action last year. For-
tunately, Jon Aune returns after being
out for more than a year with an injury.
Superstar receiver Lam Jones may have
to share kudos with noteworthy soph
runner Jam Jones. Were it not for play-
ing in the country’s toughest conference,
"Texas would have an ide track in the
national-championship race.

On paper, Houston would appear to
have lost much of its offensive prowess to
graduation. The replacements, however,
sa faster
an de-
parted quarterback Danny Davis, an im-
ant factor in running the Houston
veer offense. There are at least four top-
ity runners on tap, and the splitend
job will go to Fric Herring. one of the
s in Houston prep his-
he pass rush and pass defense,

tory. 7
weaknesses a year ago, were much im-
proved in spring drills, and the schedule

seems favorable.

aylor (with South Carolina and Ore-
gon) could well be one of this season's big
surprises. The Bears won only three
games in "78, but five losses were by а
total of 21 points. Two of the victories
were demol of archrivals Texas and
Texas A& M. Fifteen starters from that
team return and are joined by some
standout newcomers. Converted tailback

ickey Elam (hero of the upset over
will battle with redshirt Mike
and incoming freshman Kyle
Money for the quarterback job. If one of
them delivers, Baylor will d
Texas for the leagu
Walter Abercrombie could turn into a
household name in the Southwest.

Southern Methodist, Texas Tech and
Texas A&M will all be much-improved
teams. The big question is who will sur-
vive in a conference in which at least five
teams look good cnough to win the
championship with the aid of a little luck
and the absence of critical injuries. Look
for Southwest C to fatten
up on nonconference opponents this fall,
then knock one another off in unpredict-
able ways.

Southern Methodist is reputed to have
garnered the third best crop of recruits
in the nation last spring. At least four of
the newcomers—runners Eric Dickerson
d Craig James, defensive back Stanley
Godine and receiver Mitchell Bennett—
have good chances to become starters by
season’s end. Whatever the Mustangs’
fortunes in the conference race, they will
be an exciting team to watch, with ster-
ling passer Mike Ford throwing to
Playboy All-America receiver Emanuel
Tolbert.

do you have if you have a big,
experienced and deep offensive line and

PLAYBOY

234

а 240pound fullback (James Hadnot)
who runs like an enraged rhinoceros?
You have the Texas Tech running att
and if the Raiders can avoid critical
ms, they may just
trample other teams into submission. The
defense, wirh nine starters. returning,
will also bc tough, deep and mcan. In
short, vi tams will find the hos
pitality in Lubbock far from pleasing this
fall, and Southern California's national-
championship contenders could get their
plows cleaned the first game of the season,
оп September eighth.

Texas A&M's mew 1 formation
(installed at midseason last year, when
former head coach Emory Bellard walked.
off in a huff and the job was given to
Tom Wikon) will give breath-taking
runner Curtis Dickey an opportun:
have a banner senior scason. The
ing game, featuring quarterback M

will also be improved, so the
gie offense should be explosive. End
Jacob Green, probably the best defensive
player in school history, leads an aggres-
sive defensive unit.

Few teams have suffered such diploma
deprivation as Arkansas. The Hogs, there-
fore, will be critically shy of both depth
and experience, especially in the defen-
sive unit. Kevin Scanlon, last year's back-
up quarterback, will likely be the starter
in the early games, but he could losc out
to redshirt freshman Tom Jones, who
looks like a future great. If crippling
injuries can be avoided, this will be a

ypical Lou Holtz team—a wide-open

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The Texas Christian team sullered
through a second straight 2-9 season in
"78, but it could easily have been a 5-6
r had it not been for a long streak of
severe injuries. Оп the assumption that
such misfortune won't strike two

row, and with the best recr
since the mid: assume
the Frogs will be much stronger. Several
incumbent starters will likely be displaced
by freshmen before the season is over.

Rice University is the football poverty
center of the Southwest Conference. The
Owls won only two games in ‘78 and,
with only five offensive starters returning,
prospects look even bleaker for this year.

The final won-lost records of the teams
in the Missouri Valley Conference will
have little correlation. to their relative.
strengths. The schools don't play one an-
other very often and the nonconference
schedules vary from puny to awesome.
Tulsa will be much the strongest team їп
the conference this season, but the Hur-
ricane plays only two other conference
teams and the rest of the slate would
terrorize some Big Ten teams.

At both Tulsa and New Mexico State,
the big-play passing attacks of a year ago
will be missing, but both schools 1

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deep and veteran corps of runners that
will take up much of the slack.

Southern Illinois is similarly blessed
with runners, but the Salukis also have
sterling passer John Cernak and superfast
receiver Kevin House to balance the
attack.

Since 19 starters are returning, acute.
greenness will no longer be the major
problem at Indiana State. But the squad
will still Jack adequate size and depth,
especially in the lines

With Dwaine Ball, Wayne Williams
and Wardell Wright sharing the ball-
carrying chores, Drake should have a pro-
ductive running attack.

Місіі e will a potent
5 fall. Mickey Collins (who
will become the leading rusher in Shock.
er history) is joined by little brother
Herbert (who is rumored to be bigger
and faster than Mickey). The sibling ri-
valry should be fun to watch. New coach
Jeff Jeffries is the first black ever to be a
head football coach at a major college.

West Texas State has only three senior
starters (and only six seniors on the entire
squad) and a plethora of talented sophs
and transfers, so the future looks bright.
Freshman tailback Gus Williams could
make big waves his first year on campu

New coach Jerry Moore takes over a
North Texas State team that is deep, e:
perienced, fast and skilled. Last year was
supposed to be a rebuilding season in
Denton, but the Greenies won nine
games. Moore has installed the E forma-
tion (à la Nebraska), the better to u
the services of two super runners, Bernard
Jackson and Milton Collins, If Moore
сап find adequate reinforcements for the
linebacker сем (the squad's only lean
area), the Mean Green could have an
undefeated season.

The Air Force team will also have a
new coach, Ken Hatfield, and he wi
need a lot of luck. The fly boys are fe
and small. Adequate linemen of both
varicties are especially scarce.

°

Whatever it takes to have a great foot
ball team, Southern California has it,
including the wily coaching of John
Robinson, whose profes ] excellence
we acknowledge by naming him Playboy's
Coach of the Year. Robinson will be
working with the best collection of col-
lege football alent in the country. Fifteen
starters return from the team that won
last season's United Press version of
the national championship. Included arc
Playboy All-America runner Charles
White (this year's leading candidate for
the Heisman Trophy), a pro-quality of-
fensive line (led by Playboy All-America
linemen Anthony Munoz and Brad Bud-
de), the best quarterback in school history
(Paul McDonald) and three tight ends
who are good enough to be starters. Add
to that a defensive crew that will be much
more experienced than last year's group

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سسا

235

PLAYBOY

(ten of the twelve top tacklers of '78
return), plus another bumper crop of
grade-A freshmen, and the Trojans look
to us like the best bet to take the national
championship.

Both the Stanford and the Washington
teams are strong enough to win the Pacific
Ten title in most other seasons. The usual
flock of fine receivers (led by Ken Mar-
gerum), plus the best group of Stan-
ford runners in many years (best of whom
is Playboy All-America Darrin Nelson),
greet new Stanford coach Rod Dowhower-
The quarterback job will go to Turk
Schonert, who is as good a passer as
either of his two famed predecessors,
Steve Dils and Guy Benjamin, and a
better runner than either. Dowhower
insists that Milt McColl and Kevin Bates
arc the best pair of outside linebackers
on the West Coast. The most ng
Stanford player will again be diminutive
(5'9", 174 pounds) scatback Nelson. He
is the only player in college football his-
tory to rush for 1000 yards and catch 50
passes in a single season, and he's done it
two years in а row. He could easily be
the second runner in history (Tony Dor-
sett was the first) to have four 1000-yard
seasons.

The Washington team will also benefit
from flashy running, provided by Joe
Steele and Toussaint Tyler. The Husky
defensive line, anchored by Playboy All-
America lineman Doug Martin, could be
the һем in the nation. Two transfers,
punter Rich Camarillo and tight end
Dave Bayle, will make big contributions
their first year. If Wa
vulnerable area,
line, where a few key injuries could
wreak havoc.

"The Arizona State team has а similar
problem up front. Fortunately, the Sun
Devils have three excellent quarterbacks,
Mark Malone, Mike Pagel and Steve
Bratkowski (son of Zeke), in case onc of
them gets knocked out of the box by
onrushing defenders. The passing attack
will be hypoed by the addition of redshirt
receiver Ron Washington. Freshman
Wayne Apuna could become an even
better linebacker than his older brother
Ben. The two should be playing side by
side by season's end.

Arizona coach Tony Mason will have
a stadium full of prospects from which
to fashion his "79 team. Sixteen starters
and as many second-stringers аге joined
by six senior college transfers (four from
the University of innati, where
Mason was head coach until two years
ago), ten junior college transfers and a
flashy group of freshmen. Rookie Richard
Hersey and veteran Larry Heater will give
the Wildcats an impressive one-two punch
at tailback, Playboy All-Amcri tackle
Cleveland Crosby will be the physical and
emotional leader of а much-improved
defensive unit.

Look for Oregon to be one of the

236 sleeper teams of the усаг. The Ducks won

only two games last fall, but. five of the
defeats were by a total of 13 points. Last
year’s raw youngsters are this scason's
hardened veterans. A key ingredient in
the Oregon scheme for sudden success is
the quarterback slot, which will be filled
by either of two gem-quality newcomers,
redshirt Andrew Page or transfer Reggie
Ogburn. They will be well protected
(four 270-pound offensive tackles are in
camp) and will be throwing to game
breaking receiver (and world-class sprint-
er) Don Coleman. Both quarterbacks are
elusive runners and may drive opposing
defenses batty with their rollouts. The
early-season schedule is suicidal, but look

THE FAR WEST

PACIFIC TEN

Southem Oregon
California
Stanford
Washington
Arizona State
Arizona Oregon State

WESTERN ATHLETIC CONFERENCE

New Mexico 8-3 Шаһ 5-1

Brigham Young 7-4 Texas-El Paso 4-7

Wyoming 6-6 Colorado State 2-10

Hawaii 5

San Diego
State

10-1
9-2
9-2
84 38

E 3-8

5-6

PACIFIC COAST CONFERENCE.

Utah State 8-3 San Jose State 5-6
Long Beach Fresno State 4-7

State 8-3 Fullerton State 4—7
Pacific 7-3

TOP PLAYERS: White, Munoz, Budde, McDon-
ald, Johnson (Southern California); Nelson,
Margerum, McColl (Stanford); Martin, Steele,
Lansford (Washington); Malone, Kohrs, Apu-
па (Arizona State); Crosby, Heater, Oliver
(Arizona); Williams, Elshire (Oregon); Eas-
ley, Boyd (UCLA); Grant, Kennedy (Wash-
ington State); Campbell, Graham, Skaugstad
(California); Smith (Oregon State); Forrest,
Wright (New Mexico; McMahon, Wilson,
Titensor (Brigham Young); Ogrin (Wyoming);
Allen, Tuinei (Hawaii); Inge, Halda (San
Diego State); Griffin, Rodgers (Utah); Garcia
(Texas-El Paso); Formica, Stockdale (Colo-
Tado State); Jones, Hipple, Parros (Utah
State); McGaffigan, Caffey (Long Beach
State) Vassar, Nelson (Pacific); Luther,
Hines (San Jose State); Slaton, Woods
aD State); Harris, Campbell (Fullerton

for the Ducks to sneak up on some of
the biggies.

West Coast power,
seems destined for an off year. Last June's
commencement ceremonies spared only
nine starters. One of the survivors, for-
tunately, was senior quarterback Rick
Bashore, who, it is hoped,
the form of his sophomore year. With the
exception of Bashore and tailback Free-
man McNeil, the Br е dangerously
green in the skilled positions. However,
Playboy All-America Kenny Easley, a
superb athlete and an even more impres-
sive person, is probably the best defensive
back in the country.

Washington State coach Jim Walden

will switch to a veer attack, featuring
running quarterback Steve Grant, Samoan
runner Tali Епа and junior college All-
America rusher Tom Ramberg. A large
contingent of redshirts will give the
Cougars unaccustomed depth and add
much heft to a defensive unit that was
riddled by injuries last fall.

California's great '78 expectations went
awry as the hospital wards filled
injured Bear players. Injuries, or the lack
thereof, will again play a vital role in
the Bears’ success, because both lines are
dangerously thin. There is the usual
plethora of wide receivers and an ace
quarterback (Rich Campbell), but good
runners are scarce in Berkeley. Paul Jones
is a splendid fullback, but he needs help.
Freshman runner Floyd Williams could
be the answer.

Coach Craig Fertig is reviving a mor-
ibund Oregon State football program,
but progress has been painfully slow. The
Beaver squad at last includes a number
of seasoned veterans, especially їп the
l-important offensive linc. Prize recruit
Gary Lcc will tcam with Steve Coury to
give quarterback Steve Smith a prime
pair of targets. The kicking game, for-
tunately, is one of the best in the West,
and the schedule is much easier than in
recent years.

Although the New Mexico team en-
joyed a winning season in 78 (only the
second in the past seven years), the Lobos
were short on linemen, so last winter
coach Bill Mondt recruited a small herd
of bulldozer types to clear the way for a
star-studded backfield. Despite the pres-
ence of speedy tailback Mike Carter and
fullback Mark Williams (younger brother
of former Lobo rushing record holder
c). Mondt may go to a wide-open
passing attack to take advantage of his
flock of road-runner-fast receivers.

The optimism at Brigham Young is
primed by the presence of quarterbacks
Jim McMahon and Marc Wilson, а vet-
cran offensive line and a crowd of red-
shirts, transfers and quality freshmen to
fill the openings in the diploma-deplet-
ed defensive unit. Transfer defensive end
Glen Titensor (from UCLA) wrecked
practices while serving his probation усаг
on the scout team last fall, so look for
him to terrorize opposing quarterbacks
this season.

The absence of an adequate passing
game hurt the Wyoming team in "78, but
that problem was solved in spring pra
tice with the emergence of sophomore
Phil Davis and the arrival of junior col-
lege transfer Greg Tucker. They will be
throwing to the best set of Cowboy re
€civeis іп a decade,

Hawaii joins the Western. Athletic
Conference race this fall, and the War-
rior debut will be a happy onc if the
offensive line can be adequately rebuilt
and new quarterback Mike Stennis has a
good year. An experienced defense will
have to carry the load in carlyscason

games while the attack unit shakes down.

San Diego State quarterback Mark
Halda (one of the nation's best)
has some fast receivers, so the
game should be awesome. Alas, there are
no proven runners in camp, but a large
contingent of junior college transfers will
fix a flaccid defensive unit.

A tough early-season schedule (includ-
ing Washington and Tennessee) could
prevent Utah from repeating last year’s
8-3 success. A new quarterback must be
found, but supersoph Del Rodgers will
provide the Utes with spectacular run-
ning.

It’s been a long, long drought at Tex-
as-El Paso, but the youth movement of
the past two seasons should begin to pay
off this fall, and the Miners could en-
joy their first respectable season in many
years. Among this years many recruits
are three capable quarterbacks, with
David Stone (a transfer from Texas Tech)
the likely starter. Also look for new
running back James Copeland to make it
big.

This will be an off season at Colorado
State, because both lines, hard hit by
graduation,

The Utah State team will be even
stronger than the 1978 squad that
won the Pacific Coast Athletic Associa-
tion championship in its first try. The big
catch is that the schedule has been tough:
ened, with Idaho Stare and Wyoming

€ weak and thin.

being replaced by Nebraska and Arizona
State. Eric Hipple. a smart, tough and
wonderfully versatile quarterback, will be
the principal key to the Aggies’ success.

Long Beach State will also depend
heavily on the talents of its quarterback,
Paul McGaffigan, who will have the help
of one of the best offcasive lines in recent
years. A good group of junior college
transfers will upgrade the ground attack.

New Pacific coach Robert Toledo is an
avid disciple of the passing game, and he
will have three promising quarterback
prospects to choose from (junior college
transfer Claudio Cipolla and freshman
redshirts George Harrison and Bob
O'Rourke). The linebacking crew, led by
Brad Vassar and. Dallas Nelson, could be
one of the best in the nation, but the
other defensive areas will suffer from
inexperience.

San Jose State could easily be the
strongest team in the conference yet have
one of the least impressive won-lost rec-
ords. The schedule includes four Pacific
Ten opponents, plus toughie Central
Michigan. The allnew coaching staff,
headed by Jack Elway, promises to fill the
air with passes. Ed Luther will do the
throwing and there is a host of good
receivers in camp.

Fresno State coach Bob Padilla has
made sweeping changes in both the of-
fensive and the defensive systems. He
also worked overtime this past spring in

the recruiting wars, capturing several
prize rookies. Junior college transfer Kent
Slaton could mature into one of the
country’s better offensive linemen and
freshman Henry Ellard should become
one of the top receivers on the Coast
before he graduates.

The Fullerton State offensive unit will
have a lot of new faces, with all of last
years top rushers and receivers having
gone the graduation route. Coach Jim
Colletto's main job, however, will be to
shore up a defensive unit that was piti-
fully leaky last season.

And, finally, an observation about a
coach’s most important survival skill,
knowing when to quit: We called Ara
Parseghian, legendary ex-Notre Dame
coach, at his insurance agency in South
Bend and asked him if he ever suffered
from the fire-horse syndrome. “Hell, no!”
he said. "T haven't chugalugged а bottle
of Maalox in years. And I sleep like а
baby at night. The weather is beautiful
in northern Indiana—come on down and
let's go fishing.”

So if you're selling insurance—or even
fighting a typewriter—don't be too en-
vious this autumn when you're sitting in
a stadium, watching the sideline dra

matics. Someone down there may wish he
were in your place.

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237

PLAYBOY

238

NICK NOLTE ке»

“Irs insane, Hal said. *Let's go to Mexico, man.

Throw in with bandits or

something.

222

а small rubbing motion with her hand.
"Highly polished."

She glanced down at the boots Nolte
was wearing, which were not highly pol-
ished. "Not exactly you, I shouldn't
think," she said.

"Well, now, don't let these boots I'm
wearing deccive you," Nolte said, a bit
defensively. “These are actually very ex-
pensive boots.” He picked up one leg to
show them off. “You know, I just use
them to shit-kick around in. __.”

“Yes, but don’t you see, Mr. Nolte?”
the lady said. “The man who would be
wearing these boots would always have
them polished. That would be . . . how
would you say? . . . his character."

Nolte looked at her without expression
for a moment; then he smiled. He
reached over and touched her arm.
"Yeah, OK," he said.

He started laughing to himself; he
turned and took the sheepskin coat from
the assistant’s arm. “Let me try this on,”
he said.

He went down a hallway and into a
large bathroom; the walls were uphol-
stered with bright-orange fabric.

He put on the coat and looked at
self fn the mirror. He turned from side
to side very slightly, then stepped back.
He looked for a long moment; then he
put his hands in his pockets and stood
as if it were snowing. He wrapped the

jacket around himself and turned the
collar up around his neck. Then he took
it off and put it over his arm.

“Great,” he said, returning to the
office. He handed the coat back. “It’s
perfect.”

“Splendid,” she said, beamin;
it, then. We're through in a flash

She stood up in a way that gave the
appearance she was being raised on wires.
“I must always be moving along," she
said. "I simply cannot be still." She drew
her hand to herself in a theatrical ges-
ture. “I suppose that's my character.

The lady motioned to her assistant and
they made their departure. Nolte watched
them go, then rubbed his face with his
hands as if he had been suddenly ex-
hausted.

Hal appeared around the corner, mov-
ing cautiously. “I think maybe they were
spies,” he said.

Nolte stretched, supporting his back
with his hands. “I can't even wear the
good boots, man," he said. He walked
over to his desk and stood behind it,
holding the top of his cha

"Its insane,” Hal said. “We're insane.
Let's go to Mexico, man. Throw in with
bandits or something.”

Nolte turned his cap around so that it
was backward on his head. He sat down
and lit a cigarette; he blew out the smoke
and threw the match into an ashtray. He

“That's

“You know, it’s true. We get better
mileage in the country.”

picked up the magazine with his picture
in it and looked at the page again.

“I mean, what are we doing here, after
all, man?” Hal said. He threw himself
down onto the floor and shouted at the
ceiling. "What the fuck are we doing
here’

Nolte took the magazine and, in one
fast motion, sailed it like a Frisbee across
the room. “Well, I don't know about
you," he said. "I'm just waiting for the
goddamn vodka.”

you're а fox, €," Sharon Nolte
said to her husband. She was sitting on
top of a wooden exercise block in the
studio gymnasium; she was wearing skin-
tight blue jeans, knee-high beige boots
and a wine-colored T-shirt.

“Bullshit,” Nolte said. He was lying
flat on his back, staring up at ап enor-
mous bar bell. “I’m a mean-ugly son of a
bitch and don't you forget it, Legs.”

"I love it when you talk like that,"
Sharon said. "So crude and everything."
A short, dark-haired man in a leather
iator's jacket had a camera bag un-
acked on a nearby bench; he was stand-
ing above Nolte, watching him through
his view finder.

"Can you
Nolte.

“Fuck, yes, I can lift it," Nolte said.

"He's so strong,” Sharon said. She
made a muscle with her arm. "He's like
Tarzan.”

"Shut up, Legs, for crying out loud,"
Nolte said, placing his hands on the bar.
“І need my total concentration here.
Don't fuck around.”

Моне set himself, then heaved the
weight off its supports. He held it aloft
for a few beats and the muscles in his
arms bulged; then, slowly, he set it back
to rest. The photographer shot the whole
sequence in a rapid burst of fire.

“Goddamn,” Nolte said, limp from the
effort.

"Do it а Sharon cried. She
junped down off the block and landed
on the concrete floor with a clatter.

“Со away," Nolte said. “Со home."

He went over to a battered wooden.
stand that held a row of small hand
weights. He picked one of them up and
began to work with it.

“Do you think you could take your hat
off?” the photographer asked. He backed
up a bit to accommodate Nolte’s new
position.

Nolte removed his cap and shook his.
hair free.

‘That's how you should wear your
” Sharon said. “Just like that.”
I don't like it,” he said, shaking

"I havc to grow it some more. Get

that thing?" he asked

“Ugh.” Sharon said. She got on an
exercise bicycle that was set up in front
of a large wall mirror, and she watched

herself pedal for a little while.

Nolte lay down on the floor in front
press and fitted his feet into the
This is my favorite," he said to
the photographer.

He pushed up on the weight with what
ed to be a mighty effort,
face and neck glowed in a rush of
lation. After a brief moment, he brought
his feet down. "OK," he said, "that's
enough of that”

He got to his fect and sought to regain
his composure: across the room, Sharon
was doing ad-lib dance steps in front of
the mirror.

"I want to be in your movie, Nick,"
she s:

She did a burlesque-house strut with
imaginary pompons.

Nolte watched her a
with a towel. “Sorr
his head. “No cheerleaders.”

“Buel nt to be a stai
went ovi
tivel

“Will you do nude scenes?” he asked.

“T'I do one tit,” she said.

The photographer repacked his cam-
era bag and slung it over his shoulder.
The three of them left the building and
walked out onto the studio lot.

“God, I'm getting to be an old п
Nolte said, breathing the air асері
I keep doing this physical shit, Il be
dead.

They came to a series of outdoor sets
that made up a Western town, The street
ked dirt and the building
ode of Gun-
smoke—a hotel a blacksmith shop, a
general store, a barbershop and a sheriff's
office. They walked all the way to the
end of the street and stopped in front of

she said. She
d wrapped her arms seduc-
around his neck.

a building with the word saLoox painted.
on it.

“This is the place,” Nolte said. He
stood back and looked at it for a moment.

"Do you think there's a toilet in
there?” Sharon asked him

He regarded her with a sideways glance.
“Sure there is, Legs,” he said.

He took a seat on a wooden bench in
front of the saloon; the photographer
got out his camera and started shooting.

Sharon pushed open the swinging doors
and went inside to investigate. She re-
turned a few seconds later. “There's noth-
ng in there, wise guy," she said.

з he said, “you've got no imag-

in work clothes were hav-
ng their lunch on the steps of an ad-
joining building. One of them, a
long-haired man in a plaid shirt, called
volte. “Hey, Nick, you want a can of
beer in your hand for that?” he said.
Nolte nodded appreciatively at the
man. “Yeah, I sure would,” he said. “I
saw you there, but I didn't want to take
your only bee

"Hey, йз cool" the man said. He
brought Nolte the са

"He has to have his can of beer,"
Sharon said. “I's his image.”

A young black man came whizzing up
the street on a bicycle. He was carrying a
sack lunch in his hand and he departed
the bicyde by simply ng off and let-

ting it go crashing into the side of the
building.

“АП right!” Nolte said. “That's
action!

The black man spun around and his
face lit up with recognition. "Hey!" he
said. He pointed at Nolte. “You're the
dude!”

Nolte shaded his eyes with his hand
and squinted at the т; (cah, Em the
dude,” he said. “That's m

“Hey, that's far out," the
said with a grin. “What's happening,
man?"

Nolte pointed with his beer can in the

direction of the photographer. "Getting

my fucking picture taken, man

n so goddamn irresistible-good-look-

ing it seems they have to put my picture
magazines.”

‘Yeah, that’s cool,” the black man said.
“But what about me?” Sharon said.
She stepped between Nolte and the cam-
era. “What about my picture?"

"The photographer refocused on Sharon
and continued shooting.

“Who the hell are you, anyway?" Nolte
l, looking out from behind her.

Sharon turned to the group of workers
and smiled sexily.

“My name is Goldie,” she said. “Nick
Jets me hang around when his old lady is

She went over and sat on his lap.
“Don't you, baby?
Nolte cradled her in his arms, but he
aised his head so that he could speak to
everybody.
A mental case," he sa
his wife. “Beet
real sad story.

"Could I get the two of you looking
over here?" the photographer said.

They struck a pose in which Nolte
looked like an outlaw with a bar girl on
his lap.

When they finished, Nolte handed
the beer сап back to the m:
shirt. “I owe you one of th

“How about a picture inst
1 said. "My lady would dig it.”

Nolte laughed the man had told
him a joke. "Fuck, yes," he said. "Sure,
just come on up to the office.

“See, you're а sex symbol, dollface,”
Sharon said as they were walking away.
"I thought you said you were ugly. Mean
and ugly.”

“I have many facets,” Nolte said. “I'm

, pointing to
in hospitals and shit. A

hey left the Western town behind,
g sound stages and rows of house
turned into offices. They cut
ss à huge concrete basin with a drive-
incstyle mo! ng above it at
one end; in an open arca just beyond,
three vintage-model Rolls-Royces stood
gleaming in the afternoon sunlight.
“Nicc,” the photographer said.
“Hollywood all the way,” Nolte sai
When they returned to his office b
ing, Nolte went over to a metalli
280-2 that was parked in a space bea

blue
ng

“Although some men feel
threatened when women assume
traditionally masculine roles, I personally applaud
this long-overdue step toward the abolition
of sexual stereotypes.”

239

PLAYBOY

240 these top-secret projects go

his name. He opened the back and took
a football.

"Come оп, Legs,” he s
some catch.

"OK, hotshot," Sharon said, setting
herself up a fair distance away. “Let's
see some stuff."

He threw a gentle pass, which she
ht easily.

“That was
this, tough

She released the ball as fast as if the
entire Rams defensive line were a breath
away. Nolte caught the pass, but it
burned his hands.

A man in a pinstriped suit who was
passing by stopped to admire the sport.
Some ballplayer,” he said. “Good arm.
Good everything."

Sharon waved at the man.

“But she’s got no discipline,” Nolte
said. "And she can't run worth shit,
ее

With that, he threw а long bomb.
Sharon began to back up for the ball, but
it overtook her with such speed that fi-
nally she had to go charging after it down
the street.

“You son of a bitch!” she shouted.

When she returned, a few moments
later, the photographer was preparing to
leave; Nolte was resting against his car,
smoking a cigarette.

“You made me run," she said accus-
ingly, as they went into the building.

“It’s good for you," Nolte said. "You're
young. You need your exercise.

They went up a carpeted stairway and
down a short corridor to Nolte's office.
When they went into the room, they
were greeted by a good-looking man
dressed in Western-style clothes who was
siting with his feet propped up оп
Volte's desk.

“Tom, you fucker!" Nolte said. The
пып stood up and Nolte went over and
embraced him. "Where the hell have you
been, man?

Nolte introduced the man to Sharon.

“Oh, 1 know you," she said excitedly.
“You were on that show- s
n Faggot Flats? said.

she said. ‘ou know the

. “Let's play

* she said. "Try

eah,” Tom said, “I know
“You were Ryan O'Neal’s younger
brother,” she said.
“Yeah, it was a curse,” he said.
by an Amazon witch doctor.
Sharon turned to her husband. “I w
so in love with him," she said of Tom.
"Hey" Nolte said, "he's a cute little
sucker.
"Fuck you,” Tom said. He sat down on
onc of the sofas 1 looked around the
room
“This is some office,” 1
the hell do you do up here
“All kinds of shit,” Nolte said.
“This office used to belong to a pro-
ducer 1 knew,” Tom said. “He always had
wg. IF you

Put on

said. “What

asked him what was happening, he'd say,
"Can't tell you! It’s secret!’ He never did
anything that wasn't secret.

“Yeah,” Nolte said, “that sounds right.”

He left the room and returned momen-
tarily with several cans of beer.

"| didn't know you two knew cach
other,” SÍ

“Hell, yes," Nolte
top of a
other for twenty year

"Twenty years!” Sharon said. She
looked at the two men. “That means you
knew each other when I was two years
old.

Please," Tom said, "don't mention it.”

“Tom and 1 knew each other in Pasa-
den Nolte said. “Tom was at thc
Pasadena Playhouse. I don't know ex-
actly what I was doing.
Nick was doing social research at fra-
ternity parties," Tom said. "Gathering a
wealth of human insight.”

"Yeah, І remember now," Nolte said.
“Those were wild times. I don't have the
stami

Nick would go to amy party,” Tom
id. "He didn't have to be invited or
anything. He'd just show up and pound
on the door until they'd let him in.”

"You sound just like а Hell's Angel.
sweetie," Sharon said,

"My youth," Nolte said,
beer.

Do you remember that time in New-
port?” Tom said. "Easter wee!
“Yeah,” Nolte said. "That's where we
recked your Corvette.
“Right,” Tom said. "We had seven
people in that car. Tore the whole bot-
tom off it, I think."

“That’s impossible," Sharon said. "You
't get seven people in а Corvette.

We were pretty inventive," Nolte sai

“Yeah, we were crazy," Tom said. He
reclined somewhat and put his hands be-
hind his head. “Nick and I would hang
out and I'd tell him things that actors
did. АП this shit we did at the adena
yhouse, like blowing out candles and
ding upside down and stuft.”

“L thought all that shit wa
hell,” Nolte said, “I used to ask,
you guys really wear leotard

“And look at you now, man,”
said, laughing.

“Yeah,” Nolte said. "Life is регу

He got up and walked over to his desk
and found а pack of cigarettes; he lit one
and looked out the window. A gi
white cloud hung above the studio like a
special effect.

aid, puncturing the
п. “Tom and I've known each

a for that now.” А

flaky as
rom, do

Tom

"How's your movie going, тап?” Tom
ked after a moment.
It's fucked,” Nolte said, still looking
out. “Fucked up the ass, man. 1 can't

even begin to tell you all the paranoia
па shit that’s going on around here. It
may lead to violence before it's all over

He turned to Sharon and Tom. “J may
do somebody some bodily harm," he said

“That's his wild streak," Sh.
to Tom. “That's his crazy-

Tom laughed. “You asshole,” he said
to Nolte. “You're still the same,
fucker.”

“Yeah, I suppose,” Nolte

He sat down in his desk chair
Ieaned back; he observed the ceiling
briefly. “I just don't have the temper:
ment for this business, Tom,” he s:
try to control myself, but something in
my nature seems to rebel. Guys have been
telling me this forever, man, Guys have
been saying, ‘Listen, kid! You don't fuck-
ing understand this business!

He pounded his fist on the desktop to
provide some percussion.
Nobody understands thi
Tom said. “It’s a mystery. It's like God."
Weirder than shit, man," Nolte said.
He stood up all at once and rubbed his
Hey!” he said, moving
cross the room. “You remember, Tom.
that TV show I did years ago? That
thing in the hospi

“Yeah, 1 remember," Tom said. "You
played a psycho or something, right

“Yeah, I played a psycho,” Nolte said.
“The big scene I had was in this emer-
gency room that was all rigged out with
all kinds of equipment—carts, and trays,
and instruments, and shit—I was sup-
posed to be a psycho and come in and
kind of go crazy in the room. I was sup-
posed to flip out."

He backed off a few feet to give himself
room to act out the scene. “The director
told me to let myself go," he said with
a glint in his сусу. "So that’s what I
fucking did, man. 1 tore up the whole
fucking set! Shit flying everywhere! The
director yells, "Cut!" man. but ] don't
stop! I have to fucking destroy!”

Nolte had his hands in the air as if he
were wrestling with demons.

Tom fell backward on
laughing.

“1 tell you, man.
ly blew everybody

business,"

the couch,

Nolte said, "It real
away. They wouldn't

“They knew you were twisted,” Tom
said.

"Yeah," Nolte said. “They got a flash

He paced around the room, rubbing
his hands together. “I sort of have this
yv," he said, “of something like that
going down for real, man. I'll be sitting
around in the middle of all this bullshit,
trying to keep my cool, and then, pow!
The dam will burst!"

He turned to face Tom and $I
his eyes blazing like those of a m
drugs.

Sharon watched him from where she

ron,
n on

sat. “Then what, baby?” she asked
s next?"
nned, "Dig he said.

go berserk.”

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PLAYBOY

242

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"Beauty and the Bench

(continued from page 141)

the

cheesecake if she
perfect librarian-takes-off-her-glasses-to-re-
veal-asexy-lady fantasy.

Well, turning down the magazine's
offer was not as easy as 1 had thought it
would be. I knew that appearing nude in
a men’s magazine might jeopardize my
future in corporate law; it would cer-
tainly minimize my c
elected. President; and it would subject
me ro suggestive remarks from some men,
as well as political questions from some
women.

Naturally, my answer was yes.

Perhaps that sounds too glib, and Y
should make it clear that the reaction of
people whom I respected was of concern
to me. After all, being a centerfold was,
to some, tantamount to selling out to the
chief exploiter of women. Ever since I
rs old, 1 had allied myself with
y nd talented women who had
that view, and T was reluctant to cast it
aside in the name of a new thrill

Yet, never having felt the detrimental
effects of exploitation, the threats of it
did not seem real enough to discourage
me from trying something totally new. In
act, as time went on, it began to seem
that my first experience with sexual
stereotyping would be self-inflicted if 1
succumbed to the notion that being a
liberated woman meant that I could not
pose nude for PLAYHOY.

Obviously, I eventually took my more
characteristic route, which does not allow
for much in the way of self-denial, and
agreed to be in the magazine. There was
no accompanying great revelation, really,
just the conviction that I can be success-
ful in all sorts of ways because 1 am a
woman and women are ar th best when
they are not restricted by anything—in
particular, the notion that intelligent and
liberated women cannot freely express
their sexuality. The old attitude
being an accomplished this or th:
"just happening to be a woman" is
obsolete.

ces of being

The tendency to suppress a woman's
sexuality in order to try to fit into worlds
that were previously inhabited only by
men has conuibuted to the stereotype of
feminists as humorless man-haters, And
yet there is no reason why the women’s
movement should not be strong eno
to allow whole and complete women to
redefine those worlds.

So, while I never did get my under-
cover Playmate story published by the
Herald Examiner, the summer proved
successful, nonetheless. Not only was 1
invited to write an article for an inter-
national magazine but I also got to have
a hand in the illust

tions.

“No doubt about it, Ed, you're the best-equipped
backpacker in the business."

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(continued from page 151)
wilting heat to undertake the rest of your
basic grooming. Which brings us to a
fundamental point: A sauna is not, sim
ply, spending a little time in a very dry,
very hot room. Its very essence demands
that the body (and, for that matter, the
mind) be subjected to contrast. After the
confinement, a swim and a bath or
shower—some immersion in cool water—
are de vigueur. It's then that the blood
vessels constrict, the pores snap shut and
the body returns more or less to its
nor routine.

It's then, too, that you should complete
the cleansing process that the heat of the
sauna has begun. A shower invites skin
care that’s thorough and precise. Bath
and shower gels, such as the ones in the
Devin. Chanel and Givenchy men's-
toiletries lines, provide an alternative to
conventional bar soaps but also function
eflectively as shampoos. Kanon's soap on
a rope obviates chasing your favored
cleansing agent around the floor of the
shower stall. Meanwhile, of course, those
who prefer tub to stall can benefit from
a product such as
mineral-rich Muscle Soothing S

For the care of a delicate or tempe
menta] complexion, select the appropri-
ate-strength soap (regular or extra) and
Scruffing Lotion in Cliniques Skin Sup
plies for Men line that’s specially formu-
lated for male ski Skin that's been
saunaed also takes a closer-than-usual
shave, especially when slathered with a
rich shave-foam concentrate, such as the
one manufactured by Aramis.

Shaving is, of course, optional—at least
in this pronouncedly bearded decade.
Moisturizing is not. After
is undogged and whistle cl
parched. You have to compensate with
the liberal application of a lotion that
replenishes lost moisture, chen locks that
moisture in beneath a light layer of oil.
To accomplish this, try Doak Pharm;
Formula 405 or Coppertone's SunG
both suitable for application to body and
face. Also containing a moisturizer, as
well as coloring agents to lend. the face
a healthy day-at-the-beach glow, is Ara-
mis’ Sun-Bronzed Moisturizing Concen-
trate. OF all men's grooming products,
bronzers are perhaps the most revolution
ary, flirting with the idea of make-up for
men while impartin

What completes the postsauna, whole
body grooming regimen? The same cle
ments that complete any grooming
regimen: a splash of cologne to make
skin tingle for a few minutes and smell
good for a few hours and a few quick
passes with a compact, portable
drier. The concept of sauna may be Fin-
nish, but the lifestyle it promotes is ab-
solutely American.

ü

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Z Weather Buffer

Even if you prefer to be inside when it's
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youre wearing one of these good-looking
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PLAYBOY POTPOURRI

people, places, objects and events of interest or amusement

SPORTING CHANCE
Nirvana for athletic supporters of all
persuasions is World of Sports, a store at
17336 Ventura Boulevard, Encino, California
91316, that sells satin warm-up jackets for
$42.50, authentic jerseys for $45 and caps
for $12.75 (prices are postpaid) for all
major-league baseball teams. In addition,
World has personalized N.F.L. jerseys for $37.50
and more collegiate apparel and gear than
you can shake a goal post at. It even stocks
Slippery Rock State fans’ caps. Rah!

DANCE YOUR BUNS OFF

Tt twirls, it bugaloos, it hootchy-kootchies. It's
the world's first solar-powered dancing ham-
burger—and you've got to see it to believe that
this Fred Astaire of fast-food franchises really
does rock 'n' roll when exposed to the rays of Ol"
Sol. Styrofoam dancing hamburgers sell for
$9.95 each, postpaid, sent to National Sun
Systems, 2065 Sperry Avenue, Ventura,
California 93003. They come only one way: with
the works. John Travolta—eat your heart out!

246 ©

DOWN IN THE PREHISTORIC DUMPS
Drop everything: A cottage industry called Diny Do, at 645% Uni-
versity Avenue, Las Cruces, New Mexico 88001, is selling fossilized
greenish-brown dinosaur feces for use as paperweights at $35 each.
Or you can order smaller conversation picces to sprinkle about
your cocktail table at $8 or quartersized bits for $3. Best of all, if
your prehistoric poo-poo isn't everything it's cut out to be, Diny Do
will refund your money. We think the whole deal extincts.

ALL THE FOOD THAT'S FIT TO PRINT

If you've always wanted to know the six herbs James Beard can't
do without, the world’s most obscure cheeses or the letter frequency
in a can of Campbell's alphabet soup, then pick up a $1.95

softcover copy of The Food Lover’s Book of Lists or The List
Lover's Book of Foods, by Patricia Altobello and Deirdre Pierce. It
contains more than 150 zany culinary lists, plus а number of
unusual recipes such as one for The Godfather spaghetti sauce. Burp.

SEEING EYE TO EYE
You may have gazed deeply into someone
else's eyes, but you've probably never
really looked into your own. Now you
can, if you're so inclined, by sending
$24.95 to Edmund Scientific, 7782 Edscorp
Building, Barrington, New Jersey 08007,
for an Eyescope, a simple device that
enables you to observe spots and bubbles
and then identify them by referring to a
guidebook. If you have a hangover, expect
to see yourself bleeding to death.

PRINCE OF A FROG

Set this six-foot cotton/polyester soft-
sculpture frog prince designed by Blair
Sampson anywhere you want to add a
touch of whimsy and watch your tall girl-
friends hop over to get better acquainted.
Froggy sells for $154, postpaid, from
Camalier & Buckley Mail Order, Inc,
Castleton Street, Pleasantville, New

York 10570. Or, for a real hoot, take him
for a top-down ride in your sportscar.

He definitely digs bugs in his face.

PRETTY SEXY!

Back in the Forties, before there
was PLAYBOY to uplift all you wild
and crazy guys, young buc
could wander by the local arcade
and put their pennies into a
machine that dispensed colorful
314" x 514" pinup cards of perky,
scantily clad girls, perhaps

posing with a pitchfork and say-
ing, "My calves took first prize,”
or lolling in a skintight bathing
suit and laughing, “Mother said 1
should always avoid a dive." Well,
you can still get 20 original girlie
cards, but now—inflation being
what it is—they will cost you
$11.95 sent to Stu's Place, R.R. 1,
Box 60, Greencastle, Indiana
46135. When they arrive, be sure
to check them out under the
bedcovers with a flashlight

after your Mom is asleep.

STUNTING YOUR
GROWTH
Attention, adventure seekers: Kin

Kahana, the owner of Kahana’s
Self-Defense Center (21710 Devon-
shire Street, Chatsworth,
California 91311) and a former
member of the Stuntmen's
Association of Motion Pictures, is
offering a stunt person's work-
shop, where, for $1500, he'll teach
qualified men and women the
basics of studio fights, саг hits,
high falls and horseback riding.
Now the bad news: Graduating
from his class won't land you a
job in the movies unless you've
been admitted to the Screen
Actors Guild—and that’s about as
easy as diving off a ten-story
building into a damp sponge.

1 EVER, PLAYED
i MAID! кк.
THAT EPONE

GETTING HIS GOATEE
Long before Paderewski, the
Polish pianist, died in 1941, he
snipped off his goatee and pre-
sented it to his close friend
Havrah Hubbard, the music.
editor of the Chicago Tribune, as
a wispy little something to
remember him by. Hubbard
eventually joined Paderewski at
that giant keyboard in the sky,
but his proudest possession —the
goatee—is being offered for sale
in the latest catalog of its
current owner, Federal Hill
Autographs, P.O. Box 6405,
Baltimore, Maryland 21230, for
$650, including an 1898 recital
program and other miscellany.
Federal Hill also is selling Ulysses
S. Grant's top hat for $1250 and
F.D.R.'s coverlet for $1000. Wow!

PLAYBOY

248

FIRE FOR HIRE m

“Nine out of ten arsons for insurance fraud are con-

nected with organized crime in one way or another.

2»

an aronforprofit operation—ind this
seems to be the case in the pizza arsons—
volves dummy corporations using fam-
ily members or friends as officers, multiple
title switches to "prove" the business is
in demand, thus eligible for greater fire
insurance, and even a "front" insurance
company controlled by the arson ring.
The Mob's insurance company might
write а $100,000 policy on a parlor, then
insure its policy with an "offshore" in-
surer—such as Lloyd's of London—for
$200,000. When the pizzas go up
smoke, the Mob is up not $100,000 but
$200,000, once the paper is shuffled.

netrate such a grand scheme ob-
equires either an informant or a
thorough and painstaking paper chase.
FBI agents in Philadelphia not long ago
revealed they had a former hit man talk-
ing to them about Mob business—in-
cluding the murder of Jimmy Hoffa—in
such detail that they expected soon to be
able to cripple the Syndicate's Eastern
Seaboard operation, Arson was one of the

operations the killer talked about, which
is logical, since hit men and burglars
often double as torches.

But to date, the pizza-fire scam hasn't
been busted, and those captured arson-
ists aren't talking. One reason may be the
example of Locarno. Out on bond, he
was found dead with 54 stab wounds.
Towels were stuffed into his mouth. Bel-
lini, the nephew of well-known New
York mafioso, is sitting tight.

‘Thar leaves the arson task force as the
main hope. According to Wallace P. Hay,
special agent in charge in Philadelphia,
“We can put four or five men on it for
months, something the local guys can't.
We've learned more about organized
crime investigating arson than from any-
thing else, It’s their Achilles’ heel, be-
cause it was so easy they didn't put
enough distance between themselves and.
the operation—like they did with
cotics and gambling.”

In Rochester, New York, the FBI and
the county sheriffs office eventually

caught Frank Valenti's band of mafiosi
with their fires burning—when a torch
finked. But not before they had cashed
$120,000 in insurance checks collected on
torched buildings. The money again m
have helped out other Mob activiti
haps dope. whores, numbers or gambling.
A fire official allegedly covered for them,
but he was acquitted of the charges
against him, along with three others of
the eight indicted. Three were convicted,
the longest sentence being ten years. Capo
Valenti wasn't tried because his health
was bad.

Where arson is concerned, organized
crime doesn’t always mein Mafia.
out of ten arsons for insurance fraud are
connected with organized crime one way
or another," says one grizzled arson in-
vestigator, "even if it's just some nice
countryclub fellow asking around for a
bum to burn his failing envelope factory."

A counuy-club fellow in Philadelphi
named Sigmund Moskow commissioned
more than 17 torch jobs, burning down
for moncy the slum properties he owned.
Fach time, he tried to make sure the
were empty. Moskow specialized in small
claims, the biggest about $14,000, No i
surance company—most of these were
FAIR-plan insurcrs—rccognized him as

n arson profiteer (until the ATF task
force did), because each property was a
separate corporation (eg. 11324 Chest-
nut St, Inc) held by Moskow's parent
company. True, he insured with several
firms, but no more than one torched
building belonged to the same company.
The lack of data, or perhaps a sowhat
attitude, prevented any insurance com-
pany from denying Moskow's claims.
Coincidentally, it seems, the same four
adjusters handled all the claims, but no-
body could show they weren't straight.
Moskow hiked his insurance coverage by
pretending to make improvements—scat-
a few cans of paint about. The
buildings burned nicely when the arson-
ist —several times it was а bozo behind in
rent to Moskow—went in, trailed gaso-
line around and threw the match. When
ly convicted, Moskow, much to his
surprise, got nine months. (Arson juries
"t noted for meting out prison terms.)
reelancers do well in rural areas, too.
Probably even better, since most rural
police aren't well trained in arson detec-
tion, nor are the members of the ofte
volunteer fire departments. Arsonists are
helped by some state laws, such as those
in Missouri, which hold that all es
are accidental or natural until proved
otherwise, a provision that compounds
the usual arson problem of proving a
ive—that is, that the fire wasn't
accidental

One Missour

n we know of was his

(Text continued on page 252. “Accident
or Arson” follows on page 250.)

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250

ACCIDENT OR ARSON:

HOW FIRE FIGHTERS
TELL THE DIFFERENCE

Although convicting an arsonist is
difficult, detecting arson is compara-
tively for experienced. investiga-

They begin by finding the fire's
t ol. origin, because, as one told us,
"if there's more than one, it’s arson.”

Next, the investigators look Гог heavy
burning along the lower walls and the
floor, because that signals an unnatural,
downward-burning fire (though some
canny arsonists foil this by smearing

ed gasoline, rubber cement or plain
old panel adhesive on the upper walls
and lighting it). Some arson detectives
use “sniffers” to detect hydrocarbon resi-
dues (as from gasoline), and some are
aided by mass spectrographs and infra-
red chromatograplis as well.

With that kind of equipment on
their side, it's not surprising that to-
days arson probers find few of the
elaborate morized in the mov-
ies and detective stories. Oh, of course
there are some here and there, such as
the trademark ol certain torch in
Kansas City: mason's twine as a timer,
suspended burning over a tray of in-
flammable liquid (an “accelerant” in
the wade). Other fancy seis include a

soline filled balloon suspend by a
cord from the ceiling, set swinging, and
then coming to rest over а candle after
the arsonist is gone; high-resistance
wires run through timers and rigged to
ignite natural gas; and innumerable
combinations of electrical appliances
timed to ignite trails of liquid or pho-
tographic p: i

But to trained eyes, accelei
leave distinctive traces. Melted copper
(melting point: 2000 degrees Fahren

spells hot, hence
ator-patte
С Heavily crazed gla

n abnormally hot fire, just as clear.
unsmoked glass blown away from a
building indicates an explosive de
To foil the detectives, sophi: ied ar-

ists are now forsaking intricate sets.

implicity is the key today,” says
Jerry Gosnell, president of National

es Associates, а topflight

tive agency hired by insuranc
panies. "You don't need an accelerant
to do enough damage to collect the
insurance. Empty a few ashtrays in a
wash barrel, then toss in a lighted

com-

cigarette stuck in a folder of m
You get a nice, slow, smok

leave a French fryer on in a restau

or a hot plate with a container
grease. Do it late, it'll off and we
probably won't be able to physically
prove arson, even though we've got
every other indication.

For people like Gosnell, other indi-
cations аге things like business records,
case of access to the building, recent
insurance increases, recent changes in
the structure's contents and troubles
with neighbors or business partners.
But all that is abstract. To gain a prac-

l view of arson investigations, we
went out on a case with one of Gos-
nell’s best investigators, Richard Dyer.

Dyer is young, dark, short and fasci-
nated by fires. He spends more time in
burned buildings than he does at home.
Our case, though, was more blown out
than burned out: a ranch-type home.
owned by a prosperous businessman
who rented it out. The insurance man
had said that while the house was va-
cant, the furnace had exploded and
totaled the place. Probably an accident,
but would Dyer take a look?

Totaled was right. The house, on the
outskirts of a small Midwestern city,
rested precariously on what was left of
a concrete-block b nent. Not much
had burned, but it listed c y. like a
two-year-old’s block house. Dyer first
determined the home's exact location.
by map and compass, then took a pic-
ture of the place and got 1
Arson investigators don't need much
for most work. A crowbar, broom,
shovel, rake, ohmmeter, ordinary hand
tools, coat and helmet and a camera
with a macro-close-up lens.

We picked our way into the base
ment, through the litter and charred
furnitu Above us, the main I beam
had been twisted by the explosion's
force, Dyer went immediately to the
furnace and turned his lens om the
propanegas lines leading to the fur-
nace and the water heater. Close up,
they looked to have been cut, not rup-
tured by the blast. If cut, someone had
wanted gas to fill the basement. Dyer
shook his head. “Things are never si
ple. I'm getting so cynical I think
cverything's arson.” He went to the

tools.

southwest corner He pointed to
two whitish teardropshaped burn
marks scarring the wall “Hot fire
makes that

He swept away the dirt and debris to
reveal a 30-inch patch of crumbling
concrete. “That's called spalling.” he
said. “Intense heat or a localized explo-

sion causes it. See, when the gas lines
are cut, the pilot lights go out, Next

you got to have an ignition source. This
circle may be it." Then he found a
charred piece of cord and a burned
cardboard cylinder, “A tampon. Could
be a wick.” Dyer then traced the smoke
pattern across the basement and up the
heating vents. "LP gas stays low,
like gasoline, so you need a low igniter.
Someone here could have used a low.
grade explosive and some sort of timing
device. This guy owns a farm. They've
got stull to blow stumps. An explosion's
great. Destroys the place and you get
the whole value. But you know, I hate

fires where there's hardly any burni

He tock many more pictures,

then we left the shattered. basemei
go around front and break into the
boarded-up living quarters. We poked
through the rooms, inhaling the fire
smell. The house rocked as we walked.
Dyer peered into a bedroom above the
furnace and the greatest blast area.
go!" he said. “There it is.” Etched
into the cheap yellow shag rug, even to
my untrained eye, was the pattern of a
liquid that had burned. “They prob-
ably poured gas here, hoping the
fumes—they're two and a half times
heavier than air—would go down into
the vents and ignite when the explo-
sion went. But it didn't, so all they got
was the blast." I asked what he thought.

‘Ninety to ten it's arson,” he said.
Later Dyer upped the odds to 95 to
five. The empty rental property, worth
$25,000, had been insured lor 550,000,
and in the man's wife's name. There
was other circumstantial evidence, too,
but Dyer didn't know whether or not
there was enough to let the insurance
company reduce or refuse its claim.
He shrugged. “I got the cause of the
fire, but I don't really have the cause of
the cause. Arson's casy to find, easy to

commit and damned hard to prove.”

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252

own one-man arson ring. He was both a
real-estate man and an independent in-
He would buy trashy
1 properties, then buy inflated fire
surance, maybe $12,000 worth, on one
of 35 companies, listing each structure as
a corporate entity, To garnish the deals,
he made sure his fire insurance included
mortgage insurance—since he was the
mortgagee—knowing that such insurance
must by law be paid, even if both

nd arsonist can be proved. Finally, he
ed low types to light the fires. Soon
his buildings were burned out. The scam
was undone only when the wife of one
torch who worked for him broke down
and confessed to the county sheriff. He
collected around $125,000 for 20 fires
before being caught and tried. He got
two years on опе count, five years on
four more counts, was paroled early and
is now a free man.

Freelancers like Moskow and the Mis-
are everywhere, from the wife
who wants a new kitchen and decides to
just let the grease burn, to the TV dealer
stuck. with last year's models who sets a
fire big enough to turn on the sprinkler
system and ruin the equipment but not
big enough to take his building down.

souri

“Here it is Saturday night and the jester's broken

"They're all bilking insurance companies,
some for large amounts.

But it remains the organized arsonists
who ring up the largest scores. My curi-
osity led me to other arson-for profit ор
ations akin to the New Jersey pizza-parlor
fires. These involve organized crime, too,
but here, as if proving the catholicity and
vertical mobility of America, the arson-
s are very recent immigrants, taking a
leaf from the Mafia's book and taking ad-
vantage of an insurance industry that in
the first case, seems to be Allah-sent.

e

In 1974, officials in Detroit and sur-
rounding Wayne County noticed that
small grocery stores were being burned
with some regularity (this may have been
hard to notice. since in Detroit about 39
percent of investigated building damag
ing fires are arson). The Wayne County
Organized Task Force soon
learned that an arson ring was at work,
one composed of several families, nearly
a tribe, of Chaldean Arab imm
The taskforce investigation
enough heat to bear so that by 1976,
after some 40 arrests, the number ol
Arab grocery fires had decreased from 85
to 13. A victory for law enforcement.

Crime

р»

Except that from Detroit, lines radiat-

ed clear across the country to Californi:

Not long after the Wayne County prose-
cutions, arson investigators in San Diego
noticed a dramatic i Il-

grocery-store fircs—sm in
large, decaying neighborhoods, inhabited
mostly by Arabs, “They were going up
like balloons,” one detective says. And
the strings, it was found, were held by
the same tribe of Chaldeans that had
made money burning the mom-and-pop
businesses in Detroit.

According to Captain Art Robertson of
San Diego’s Arson Task Force, the De

t elders—the first immigrants—send
sonists alter previously sending out

people to buy the businesses. The Arab

nks soon were augmented by other im-
i »corporated into the scam. A
favorite ploy was the round-robin busi
ness venture: Buy a store here, move the
and. cigarettes and booze out of it,
giving or selling that to others of thc
estimated 100 family members, then gas
the store and run—secure in the knowl-
cdge that over here, a cousin has a store
to launder the money; and over there,
another cousin has one to serve as a
storage place for the next switched goods;
and way over there, yet another cousin
nother place to serve as the next
target. Simple. In fact, the investigators

ned the Arabs had honed their skills
utomobile-insurance traud, faking
cidents and personal liability, steali

another's car and the like.

It seemed they were en
idea of insurance. Nothing like it at
home. In America, you give a company а
liule money, have an accident or a бге
lot of money back, Allah be
! The San Diego front is q
the moment, but I found out t
ertson was right when he sighed and said,
“The West Coast is still considered the
mother lode by these guys.”

In fact, the Ar sonists are work-
ing their way up the Coast, and they
remt the only organized arson ring a
work west of the Great Divide. In Los
Angeles, arson increased 91 percent from
December 1977 to December 1978 (a big
part of the increase is due to better de-

ed with the

С)

b.

tection and reporting), and the Arab
rsonists played a big role in that. “They
know the laws," Captain Pat McGuinness

tment Arson Unit

of the L.A. Fire Dep
says, "and certain loopholes in the laws
presently written allow these people to
operate with virtual immunity.”

The plot is the same, except that in
LA., the Arab organization is based on
n interlocking network of import shop:
nd other businesses tailored to claiming
large losses, with the help of friendly
adjusters, on merchandise that's been
switched to other locations. “They burn
up old stereo carcasses after moving out
$1,000,000 worth of merchandise they

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PLAYBOY

254

ordered and will never pay for,
of McGuinness’ metimes
the stuff shows up in other ts of the
state in other stores they own. If they
don't collect all the insurance money,
they just declare a tax los:

McGuinness has an 18-man squad for
his city, only one man on duty for every
500,000 residents. Even so. the squad has
had impressive successes, but тоо few.
Sighs McGuinness, “These Arabs, they're
ght in front of the law.” And.
not, clearly, only for the substantial
ofits. My investigation revealed that the
Arabs also fires to break leases, disci-
pline subordinates, cover other crimes
and perhaps move in on businesses.

The Азар legion may be making such
moves in San Francisco. Earlier this year,
a sixalarm, $2,000,000 fire broke out on
the Bay City’s Market Street. starting in
a building owned by a Chinese import
firm. The arsonists crude gasand-march
technique tended to corroborate police
suspicions that some arson neophytes
mong San Francisco's Arabs wanted a
piece of Chinese business action. There
are also rumors in San Francisco of
Arabs conducting arson schools то train
ation of arsonists in more so-
ominously, 1
torch. recently
went to the Bay Area along with two pub-
lic insurance adjusters. That could mean
the adjusters will direct the torch to like
ly arson targets, with or without the con-
niyance of the owner. Such an alli
pays off both ways. When the fire starts,
the adjuster rushes to represent the poor
victim. If he's in on the fraud, the ring
gets the torch’s fee, plus the ad
ten percent. If not, it still gets the ad-
juster's cut

California's Arab ar sts are not
alone in their enterprise. Proving that
uson for profit transcends geopolitics,
1 found that Israelis had formed another
ring, as organized and sinister
Arab or Sicilian brotherhood. M.
the Jewish “Mafia West" came to Amer-
a at the time of the 1967 Six-Day War,
say authorities, and settled in Los An-
geles. In many cases, Israel had used the
war as an excuse to deport them. Most

says one

glee on the hapless Ameri
industry. Like the Arabs
they have bolstered their forces by im-
porting illegal aliens. They use arson for
profit esses, and they
usc it to extort and threaten new arrivals,
ing them to participate in the racket.
One detective reports that if the Israeli
racketeers encounter resistance from a
‘ant in on the scam,
mily back in Isracl.
the detective says.

“Just like the Nazis,
They learned well.”
They've done well, too. I'm told that

ess is a multi-

in the burn bu

one Isa

millionaire now and moves in good cir-
cles, Those circles also include “a lovely
house up on Mulholland Drive," an in-

vestigator marvels, "where theres all
night swinging, $100 to get in, all the

coke and grass you want. All from arson.

ed crime.
What's most worrisome about the 5
Arab and Jewish rings is not their co
centricity but their possible interpenetra-
n. Elements of the Arabian group have
moved arson profits into narcotics and are
now providing dope in Las Vegas. You
don't do that without Sicil
atleast not for long.

Most important for California, my i
vestigation indicates that one or all of
the arson tings had a Galifornia state
assemblyman in their corner. That legis
lator ators say, at times has taken
favors from arsonists and acted to hinder.
sontask-force investigations at the
state-wide level.

Pondering the ultimate implications of
all these arson-for-profit episodes, one
can't ignore the specter of à nationwide
arson cooperative. It’s doubtful, for in-
stance, that the coast-to-coast epidemic of
pornshop, massage-parlor and gay-bar
fires is coincidental. (Not coincidentally,
they are mostly insured by the FAIR
plan.) A series of gay-bathhouse fires in
California was traced to organized-cri
operations in Boston, Atlanta and М

porn-shop and massage-parlor
fires in the Midwest and the East were
triggered by electrical devices powered by
“Doc Johnson" porn-shop batteries. Since
it’s known that Mob elements control а
hefty chunk of the porn business, a con-
nection seems ineluctable. One convicted
arsoni ioned
to off existence of a national
“arson service" composed of men from
various arms of organized crime. A per-
nections and some
thing worth burning could be put in
touch with that service and it would, six
or eight or twelve months before the
secure higher fire and business-in
tion insurance, cover all the paper trails,
range for the fire and the owner's alibi,
all for only 25 to 30 percent of the

Most law-enloreement officials would
scoll at the idea of a national arson serv-
ice. They say the vast majority of arson-
for-profit fr ned no more
than 30 days in advance, about when the
policyholder really feels the pressure of
creditors or business reversals ог taxes.
Perhaps. But what about the m
knows Avance his serious money
needs or who wants his old building
down so he can put up a new опе

It may well be that no formalized and
ional Arson, Inc, exists, There's no
question, though, that Mob-connected
arsonists are for hire, cither homegrown
or imported. The famous torch Мегї Н.
Morrie” Klein makes ће point. As others

son with the right co

n who

are still doing, Morrie “arranged” fires
all over Pittsburgh for the Mob and
friends of the Mob. “I sold fire like other
people sell anything else.” he said when
finally caught, after a career that had
caused at least 57.100.000 in damages.
There's also no question that arson i
America, particularly arson for profit,
making the Chicago Fire look like a cub-
scout campfire. What can be done? The
following, for starters:

= Arson-task-force activity can be ex-
panded and reinforced, both locally and
nationally.

* Local units can be better t
arson detection and investigation, p
through the Law Enforcement Assistance
Agency.

* New arson-detection equipment can
be brought into play.

* Prosccutors сап be trained im arson
prosecution and encouraged to stick it to
the burners.

+ The insurance business can quit over-
writing fire.
property belore insuring it; it can speed
up efforts to pool its information about
fire-prone people and addresses:
train better adjusters and i
and cull the crooks.

= State legislatures can look at their
bad-faith insurance laws, and the defini-

ion of arson (in many states, it's legal

t
to burn down your own property if you
don't get anybody else's), to see what new
statutes are needed

+ The Federal Agency
should look at its numbers again and се
whether or not the FAIR plan, which
lost insurers over $400,000.000 from its
inceptioi 1968 until last year, is an
incentive to arson and, if so, how better
control can be exerted to forestall arson
while continuing to insure the inner city.
(One Federal official says, "The FIA's
arson numbers are Пасау wrong")

Much of this program can be imple
mented without new laws. The Senate's
Permanent Subcommittee on Investiga-
tions has been holding hearings on the
arson problem, but the minority’s chief
investigator, Jonathan Cottin, believes
that no new statutes
have the laws," he say
we've all been lax and
public, the insurers, the
er agencies, everybody.
rub our noses in it for us to move.

.

Lenny Ajax looked as if he wanted to
end the interview. I wasn't reluctant, es-
pecially since I'd heard. that he wasn't
se lo cracking heads.

“You admit you're an arsonist, then?”

“Tve burned things.”

“The cops would like to put you away,
you know thal?”

“Sure. But let "ет prove I set any fire.
You know, fires can just happen.

“To anybody. Remember that.’

e needed. "We
s “The fact is,
The

apathetic.
BI,

айе!

If you thou fe

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|

IV Y LEAGUE „в

“Brown’s Eliana Lobo wants to be able to tell her
grandchildren that she appeared in viavnoy.”

the Dartmouth co

unity as a whole.”
Women at Dartmouth, or WAD, put it
a bit more plainly: "We want him
[Chan] to leave feeling very unwelcome
here,” a spokeswoman said.

The debate over eLAvmov's “sexism”
and "exploitation" was especially heated.
at Cornell There, The Cornell Daily
Sun columnist Debbie Solomon. a pro-
fessed. feminist, riled her already agitated
sisters with an article that unequivocally
defended the right of women to pose
for PrAvBov. "Why is it," she asked,
"that PLAYBOY ncver seemed so offensive
when it was just one of those relics hid-
den in the back of Father's closet or
brother's top desk drawer? Why is it that
PLAYBOY never angered us when those
lusty centerfold models seemed remote
from our own lives? . . . The feminist
with a Cornell degrce arrogantly assumes
she is too good for the pages of PLAYBOY
and this smug superiority not only vio-
lates any sense of sisterhood but does
damage to the entire female sex in its
haughty n that PLAYBOY mod-
ds—or any women who professionally
devote themselves to the culi n of
their physical appearances—are neces-
у brainless.”

Three hundred and forty Cornell
women filled out questionnaires and
smiled into Chan's Polar for the test
pictures from which PLAYwov editors
would select a more manageable number
of contenders. At a noontime protest
rally, 300 others chanted slogans urging
them not to pose. That day м:
however, by fewer than twi
Cornell students—a gaggle of fraternity
types who streaked the rally, most clad
only in their jocks.

Chan watched this demonstration from
his hotel room and sighed. “Before I
started, I was 6/5"—4and look at me now,
he joked wearily. In his three virtually
nonstop months on the Ivy circuit, he
had seen almost 1400 women and made
time for hundreds of interviews. At
Penn, he'd enjoyed an amusing hour
with members of The Mask
Club; a trio of actors from
drag musical dropped by, in full female
gear, to present him with a bouquet.

“Through it all, Chan was able to main-
focus. Demonstrations, he said,
thy for the community, for the
campus. Why waste money going to
school if you don't express what yo
learn? І had no objection to any of i
What he did mind was the assumption
that the stereotype of the Ivy League
woman preferable to the truth.
“People think, even now. that the Ivy

League woman is skinny, wears thick
glasses, keeps her hair in a bun and, of
course, is sexless," Chan said. "I wanted
to show that beauty and brains can easily
coexist. But you couldn't talk to some of
those feminists about that possibility. To
me, they were like puppets. They were
told when to march, what to do, what to
say. That's not liberated.
The women who did pose—for Chan
and his rrAYsoY compatriots Nicholas
De Sciose and Pompeo Posar—tefied all
neat stereotyping. Some were ardent fem-
ists—one had been president of her
high school women’s group but had, she
. “passed out of the stage where you
t your mouth off about every
ing"—*while others envied their
housewife mothers. Two had long.
in girl scouting. One—Dartmouth’s
Sharon Cowan—l written the first
quarter of "a Dostoievskyan novel about
a woman who's victimized her
riage and consciously chooses i
Another, Brown's Eliana Lobo, wants to
be able to tell her grandchildren that she
appeared in PLAYBoy, while Amy Pe-
tronis of Brown has a grandmother who's.
so tickled by her inclusion in this pictori-
al that she's buying PLAYBOY subscrip-
tions lor all her friends. And yet
another—Dartmouth's Carrie Margo-
lin—signed on “because, for three gen-
erations, there's been a tradition in my
family that the women have nude por-
traits donc. І figured with PrrAvsov I had.
a chance to have опе of the best pho-
tographers in the country do minc."
What all of гглувоу'ѕ Ivy finalists do
seem to share is a ready explanation of

nity

their behavior in the controversy that,
for some, will i
months to come.
and violent, and everybody watches it
without much protest," Yale coed Wendy
Brewer snapped. "If women feel like
checs g it around, it's up to them.”

Lisa Bennett Fedors had been friendly
for years with the leader of the anti
PLAYBOY campaign at Princeton. “1
agreed with everything she said as a
logical beginning, but I just couldn't buy
her conclusion,” she said.

“J don't expect people to come up and
say, ‘I saw your boobs in PLAYBov, " Co-
lumbia's Gail Hoffman joked. “But if
they do, І know what to say: ‘You've
seen them through a thin T-shirt, any-
way, so what's the difference? ”

Harvard's Lindsey Palmer raised the
same question more abstractly. “If look-
ing at a picture of a nude woman
sexual exploitation,” she wondered,
reading a book literary exploitation?”

Ivy League directors of admissions will,
no doubt, be plagued by bright young
men cager to attend their colleges and
answer that conundrum for themselves.
Others will be too busy defending some
of their most sacred campus organiza
tions—some Harvard final clubs and
Princeton eating clubs, Yale's Skull and
Bones and Dartmouth's legendary fr
ternitics—from charges that these all-
male bastions are sexist and antediluvi:
Tn that scenario, PLAYBOY s pictorial may
come to be regarded less as exploitation
than as the break shot in a larger drama
that might transform the Ivy League.

The Harvard Lampoon, which often
has the last word on campus matters,
rather doubts this, casting a long, cynical
view on these proceedings, Commented a
"Poonie: “The women are going to take
this lying down.” Surely the Grimson will
have something to say about that.

“Aw, come on, honey. Won't you tell me just
one ilsy-bilsy, teeny-weeny little juicy confession
you heard when you were a priest?”

257

PLAYBOY

258

CITY STICK-ERS

(continued from page 177)

“Skewer cookery originated and grew because it was
easy, convenient and satisfying.”

are but one of a host of skewer-broiled
specialties throughout the world,
Huntsmen and warriors who roamed
the Caucasus Mountains were probably
most inventive in developing the art of
skewer cookery. Swords that raffishly
lopped off enemy heads by day were
nsformed into skewers at night, the

blades threaded with chunks of lamb and
laid in the fire to make shashlik. Those
fierce t

besmen also dabbled in del
nades such as pomegranate juice.

The multiple benefits of m.
are widely appreciated today, extending
well beyond the exotic pomegranate.
Lemon, lime and papava juices, vinegar,
wine, yogurt and sour cream are staple
ade bases that tenderize and lend
pizzazz to skewered preparations. When
the marinade is laced with herbs, spices,
seasonings and a splash of oil, the effect
can be ravishing. Savvy grilladins add
unexpected nuances to marinades by deft
infusions of walnut, hazelnut or pump-
kinseed oil and by exploiting the array
of scented vinegars. Strawberry or plum
vinegar does a lot for pork, mint vinegar
perks up lamb, tarragon vinegar gives
zest to fish and poultry and the red-wine
vinegar imparts a lusty note to beef or
lamb kabobs. Lemon and vinegar are

m:

largely absent in Far Eastern skewery,
because the petite slivers of seafood, fowl
and pork used need no tenderizing. In-
stead, chefs lean heavily оп soy sauce,
fresh ginger, coriander, curry and other
Oriental blandishments.

kewer cookery originated and grew
because it was easy, convenient and satis

fying, But no one ever leaves well enough,

alone, and a few flourishes have been
added over the years. There's one inven-
tion that loads and mechanically rotates
half a dozen skewers at a time. Our sug-
gestion is to lavish your creative energy
on the fare, leaving the heavy hardware
to commercial operations. The joy of
skewer cookery is still in its simplicity.
You can become a notable practitioner of
the art without special equipment, by
observing the few simple rules that follow.
= Use quality charcoal briquettes, ar-
range in a single layer in the firebox and
let them burn down until they are cov-
ered with gray ash before starting to cook.
Knowledgeable skewer chefs advocate
spreading the hot coals so that they are
spaced Detween the rows of kabobs on
the grill above. This minimizes flare-ups
and distributes heat more evenly.
= Of course, there are exceptions, but
most. cases, the grill can be set about

“Gimme an F; gimmea U; gimme a (22

five inches above Ше coals, which should
give medium heat—350° to 375° Fahren-
heit. If you can keep your hand above
the coals three to four seconds, it's right.

* Cooking time of meat will depend on
the type (pork requires longer cooking).
size of cubes, fat content and how well
done you like it. For juicy, rare kabobs,
push the contents of the skewers close to-
gether. If you prefer meat well done,
Teave space between the kabobs.

+ Pair meats and vegetables that re-
quire the same cooking time. Longer-
cooking vegetables сап be parboiled
before grilling, if necessary

+ To keep bamboo skewers from bui
ing, soak them in cold water for at least.
an hour before using and wrap the tips
in foil. These are best used for qui
cooking kabobs.

+ Skewer preparations are usually
served. with or over rice, bulgur or other
grains. They may also be sandwiched in
thin French loaves (flutes), pita bread or
hot-dog rolls.

SHRIMP TERIYAKI
(Serves two to three)

1 Ib. large shrimps. in shell

3 tablespoons soy sauce

3 tablespoons sake

2 teaspoons salad oil

1 clove garlic, crushed

1 teaspoon finely chopped fresh ginger

root (or candied ginger)
14 teaspoon sugar (omit if using can-
died gi

Freshly ground pepper

Slit shrimps up back and remove black
vein; don't remove shells. Combine all
remaining cdients and pour over
shrimps. Marinate ] to 2 hours, turning
occasionally. Meanwhile, soak bamboo
skewers in cold water. Remove shrimps
from marinade and thread 2 or 3 (de-
pending on size) lengthwise on skewers.
Broil, turning once and basting with
marinade, just until shrimps turn pink—
5108 minutes.

Note: Japanese marinades tend to go
heavy оп sugar, but Americans prefer
them less swect.

PEANUT CHIC
(Serves four)

14 Ibs. boneless chicken, breast or
thigh
cup chunky peanut butter
4 cup lemon juice
2 tablespoons dry vermouth or chicken
bouillon
ap finely chopped sca
ing some green)
2 tablespoons finely chopped cilantro
(or parsley)
2 cloves garlic, crushed
2 or 3 grinds fresh pepper
alt, to taste.
y4 teaspoon curry powder
% cup plain vogurt
Cut chicken into 1- to 114-in-

M

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PLAYBOY

combine remaining ingredients, except
curry powder and yogurt in bowl.
Mix well. Remove 14 cup and set aside.
Stir curry powder into remaining mix-
ture, then add chicken cubes. Marinate
1⁄4 hour, stirring occasionally. Combine
reserved J4 cup peanut-butter mixture
with yogurt and season to taste with salt
and pepper. String chicken pieces on pre-
soaked bamboo skewers and arrange оп
greased grill rack. Broil, turning once,
until lightly browned and just done.
Breast-meat cubes will take about 5 mi.
utes, thigh meat about 8. Serve with
yogurt sauce.

Note: These skewers can be done over
hibachi, on charcoal grill or in oven
broiler.

SHISH KABOB
(Serves six)

2 to 214 lbs. lc:
1⁄4 cup each
salad oil

3 tablespoons water

1 large clove garlic, crushed

1⁄4 teaspoon cach ofcgano, thyme

Vy teaspoon paprika

1 teaspoon salt

Several grinds fresh pepper

3 medium green peppers, cut into 112-

in. squares

3 medium onions, quartered

3 medium firm tomatoes, quarte

Cut meat into 1y
remaining ingredients except. vegetables
and pour over meat, Marinate several
hours. Remove meat from marinade and
h vegetables on
Broil, turning and basting with marinade,
12 to 15 minutes or until done to taste,

boneless beef or lamb
ed wine, wine vinegar,

Note: Lamb is at its most flavorful
when broiled pink—medium done.

BUL-KOGI
(KOREAN BARBECUED BEEF)
(Serves four to six)

1 to 1% 105. boneless sirloin (or other
tender beef)

3 tablespoons sesame seeds

1 small onion, very finely chopped

2 cloves garlic, crushed

3 tablespoons soy sauce

2 tablespoons cream sherry

2 tablespoons sesame oil (or salad oil)

3 or 4 grinds fresh pepper

Cut meat into very thin strips. Put
sesame seeds in small skillet and stir over
low heat until browned. Watch carefully,
as seeds can burn. Crush seeds in mortar
with pestle or put in heavy plastic bag
and pound with bottom of skillet. Com-
bine crushed seeds with all remaining
ingredients. Marinate beef strips about
Ya hour. String strips lengthwise on
skewers, accordion fashion. Grill 117 to
2 minutes on each side.
+ Note: Meat will be
slightly frozen.

casion to

SPIEDINI ALLA ROMANA
(For four to six hors d'oeuvres)

Long, narrow loaf of firm-textured

French or Italian bread

1⁄4 Ib. mozzarella cheese

8 to 12 anchovy fillets, rinsed

1⁄4 Ib. (1 stick) butter

1 tablespoon finely chopped parsley

Preheat oven to 450°; put large shal-
low baking pan in oven to heat. Slice
bread 14 to 34 in. thick. Remove crusts.
Slice cheese same size and thickness as

nd dried

“This is not what I was given to expect.”

bread. Each serving takes 4 slices bread
and 3 slices cheese. Alternate bread and
cheese on skewers, beginning and ending
with bread. Finely chop anchovies. Melt
butter in small skillet; add anchovies and
stir with fork, shredding them so that they
dissolve into butter. Add parsley and keep
sauce warm. Place skewers on heated
baking pan and bake about 5 minutes,
until bread browns and cheese melts.
Slide bread and cheese onto heated plates
and spoon anchovy-butter sauce over
each.

Note: Spiedini are often deep fried,
but they're lighter and more appealing
when baked.

ANGELS ON HORSEBACK
(Serves four to six)

6 slices bacon
24 small mushroom caps
2 dozen shelled oysters
1⁄4 cup lemon juice
у stick butter. melted.
Several grinds fresh pepper
Lemon wedges
„Соок bacon until half done. Put skewei
through one end of each slice bacon.
Follow with mushroom cap and ojster.
Repeat, weaving bacon over and under
ach set of mushroom and oyster, until
skewer is loaded. Combine lemon juice,
butter and pepper; brush each skewer
ith mixture. Broil, turning, until b:
is crisp and edges of oysters start to curl.
Serve with lemon wedges.
Note: Chicken livers may be substituted
for oysters.

FRUIT КАВОВУ FLAMBE
(Serves eight to ten)

34 cup Cointreau, Grand Marnier or
Corange

3 tablespoons honey

Dash cinnamon ~

3 large, firm bananas

3 large, firm peaches

14 ripe pineapple, peeled and cored

Soak about 114 dozen bamboo skewers
in cold water for 1 hour. Combine м, cup
liqueur, honey and cinnamon, Set
maining 14 cup liqueur wher
warm slightly. Cur bana
chunks and cut each peach
Cut pineapple into Lin. cubes. String
4 to 6 pieces fruit on each skewer. Dip
skewers into liqueur-honey mi and
turn to coat fruit on all sides. Grill 5
minutes, turning, or until fruit is lightly
glazed. Place skewers on shallow heat-
proof platter. Ignite warmed liqueur and
pour flaming over fruit. Serve when
flames burn out.

Note: You cin use other high-proof
liqueurs or combine liqueurs and brandy.

Shish kabob is a Turkish word, or,
rather, two words. Shish is the pointed
metal rod on which chunks of meat,
kabobs, are threaded and grilled. Get the

point?
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PLAYBOY

TOO OF THE ULL

(continued from page 180)

“Eva has her seasonal young men. You, I would say,

are infinitely more acceptable than the others.

222

in the frozen twilight, “That's what it's
all about, isn't it?

.

Andreas Heggener turned out to be
neither bent ovcr nor coughing, rheumy-
eyed nor barely able to move. He was a
slender, gentlelooking man, perhaps 55,
his skin translucent, with a full head of
white hair and a small, neat white beard.
His manners were exquisitely polite and
formally friendly. He was wearing a
beautiful darkgreen loden jacket, with
elaborate black embroidery around the
buttonholes, and a glcaming white sh
and dark silk tie. Although the table
which they were seated was in front of
the fireplace, he had a Scotch-plaid 1
weight blanket over his shoulders. A
nervously, Michael had dressed for the oc-
casion, too, and wore a shirt and tie
nd a blue blazer. Eva was wearing the
same loose long black gown she had worn
the night Michael had arrived, but she

ad on pearls and a gold broach tonight.

Heggener was a perfect host and the
conversation, Michacl was relieved to dis-
cover, flowed casily—mostly about the
lucky downfall of snow, the condition of
the runs, the difficulty in finding ski in-
structors of acceptable caliber, the com-
parison of runs in Europe, the incvitable
growth of the town since Michael had
been there before and the accompanying
changes. Heggener had a light, pleasing
voice and spoke without an accent and
was careful at first not to monopolize the
conversation, bringing first his wife and
then Michael into all the discussions
During the meal, he never touched hi
wife's hand, but Michael could see 1
he was deeply attached to her and lis
tened intently when she spoke, which was
not often. She scemed content to listen
most of the time to the two men and sat
back relaxed in her chair and ate with a
good appetite and smiled when her hu
band complimented her on how well pre-
pared the meal was.

Over dessert, Heggener said, "I sup-
pose, my dear Mr. Storrs, that you, like
so many of our guests, wonder how I
came to be here. My settling here, if it
could be called settling, might be con-
sidered ... ah . . . fortuitous. There is
a clinic outside town that somebody told
me was run by a professor who had per-
formed miracles. Perhaps he had"—Heg-
gener laughed lighly—"with other
Unfortunately, he was not in his magic
phase when I visited him. But T fell in
love with the town. The gentle moun-
tains pleased me. The majesty of the Alps
dwindles men who live in their valleys. I

262 come from а hotelkceping family. When

I sce a place that has a certain intan-
gible, attractive atmosphere, a combina-
tion of geography, population, beauty .
and'"—he chuckled—"1 must say, the lure
of profit about it, my thoughts imme-
ely run to building, buying, landscap-
ig, personnel, length of season, etc. So
with Green Hollow. Hotelkeeping, if one
keeps a proper distance from the inevita-
ble daily annoyances, can be a very satis-
factory profession.”

Heggener poured the cognac that had
arrived, carefully, but with relish, He
raised his glass. "То the best of all possi-
blc winters,” he said.

They drank to the best of all possible
winters, though Eva barely touched the
glass to her lips.

"You've skied, Mr. Heggener?" Mi-
chael asked after Heggener mentioned
that one of his disappointments as a
young man had been that he'd never won
race. Somchow, it was hard to imagine
the frail figure in the chair opposite him
as ever having been robust enough to
cope with snow.

“Yes, I skied. After all, my dear Mr.
Storrs,” Heggener laughed, "I was born
" He looked at Michael seri-
"Skiing, I take it, is not your pro-

ously.
fession:
Мо” M
ing.
Mrs. Heggencr has told me certain
things about you, but she has been vaguc
about your profession. If you don't mind
my asking, what is it?

“I suppose you could call it business,”
Michael said uncomfortably. “It used to
have to do with dollars and cents

The manager came into the room and
announced a call for Е}
he went to the office to answer the call
and Heggener looked after her, his eyes
sad, as though he didn't expect her to
return.

Heggener played idly with the cognac
bottle, twisting it on the table. “I sup-
he said, “you've heard that I'm

ael said, but added noth-

I'm a medical rarity,” Heggener said
almost with relish at the distinction.
have tuberculosis. Nowadays almost in-
stantly curable by antibiotics. But I seem
to have the honor of being afllicted by a
new, clever, resistant strain. І am for the
moment in a state of remission. If it
weren't for Eva, I'd gladly just turn my
head to the wall and go. But she means
a great deal to me. More than I show to
anyone. Maybe more than 1 show to her.

She has her seasonal young men,” Heg-
gener went on matter-offactly. “You, 1

would say, are infinitely more acceptable
than the ones who have gone before
yo”

“Mr. Heggener——" Michael began.

“Please don't protest, Mr. Storrs. Е
have gone through too much and have
worn too thin to indulge in that worst
of passions—jealousy. She is more like a
beloved daughter to me than a wife.” He
stopped, then spoke alter a pause. "By
the way, do you hunt, Mr. Storrs?"

“What has that got to do with it?”
Michael asked, bewildered.

“I have huned а great deal in my
life. It is one of my passions. 1 have no
patience with the pseudo humanitarians
who eat steak and deplore the killing of
game, Which would you rather be—a
stag shot down with one shot on a green
hillside or a poor castrated steer dragged.
squealing into a slaughterhouse? Well, I
won't argue the case. However, as 1 was
saying, I am a hunter and I killed a man.
An accident, naturally, such as happens
every hunting season. One of my best
unately, he had degraded
my wife. We both attended his funcral.
This was in Austria, some time ago. The
deer are plentiful in Vermont. Perhaps
we can hunt together when the scason
opens. Eva says you are considering stay-
ing here permanently. Fm sure you
would not regret it if you decided in
our favor. The autumns here are mag-
nificent.”

Eva came back imo the dining room,
her black gown swishing around her legs,
the pearls and the gold broach shining
in the relight.

Anything wrong, dear?” Heggener
asked.

Nothing, Eva said. “The Hortons.
They want to. know if we have rooms
for them over the holiday.”

“Charming family,” Heggener said.
“Charming. And now, dear, if you don't
mind, I'd appreciate it if you helped me
upstairs and turned on a little Brahms
while we prepared for bed. Ah—Eva has
told me you play backgammon. Per-
haps we can have a game soon. And now
good night, and thank you for a most
enjoyable evening.”
thank you," Michael said
“Good night, madam. Good night, s

“Good night, Mi el,” Eva said. With
her husband leaning on her for support,
she Jed him slowly out of the dining
room.

Michael sat 50у for a moment, then
rubbed his eyes wearily. From above he
heard the opening strains of the Brahms
Variations on a Theme by Haydn. He
looked up at the ceiling and smiled wry-
ly, then dropped his head on his chest
and sat staring into the fire, listening to
the faint music from the room two floors
above him.

fly.

.

For the next several evenings, Michael
had gone to bed early, to be fresh for the
morning. He had not been disturbed:

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PLAYBOY

264

There had been no nighttime vi
E nd the Heggeners had dined in
their rooms, so Michael had eaten alone

nd spent the evenings reading. He had
seen Heggener walking, cane,
once or twice, at a distance, but they had
not spoken to each other since their di
ner.

Michacl had skied
Eva, but she hadn't said anything about
her husband and Michael had not
brought the matter up, though he ма
both eager and reluctant to know more
about the frail Austrian gentleman. In
his mind, he couldn't quite accept him
as an . No American had ever
confided to him that he had shot a very
good friend because he had degraded h
wile.

For a couple of hours one morning,
Michael skied alone. As he was going
down to the footpath, he spotted Heg-
gener.

“Good morning, sir,” Michael said, a
he came to a мор just above the path
“You're up awfully early.”

Heggener shrugged. "Sleeping is not
my strong point these days. Oh . .. 1 have
a message for you. Two, to be exact. Eva
can't ski today. Too busy, she says. I'm
not quite sure at just what. I was to tell
you if 1 happened to run into you. And,
two—your friends arrived.”

“So carly?

“They said they drove all night. A
very handsome lady. By the way. how're
you getting back to the hotel?

“On foot, I'm afraid,” Michael said.
came out in Cully's truck.
Good,” Heggener said. “Then we cin
walk back together. If you don't mind."

“My pleasure," Michael said politely
and got out of his skis and put them over.
his shoulder. They started walking back
toward town, Heggener moving with sur-
prising briskness, tal
breaths of the cold,

“Ah, the mountains,” Heggener said,
sighing. “I'm devoted to everything about

twice more with

them. The crispness of the air, the color
of the shadows, the sound the snow makes
under your boots

A morning like this
for my own s
days. My last run was from Zermatt,
under the Matterhorn from. Switzerland
down to Cervinia. It was a day like this.
Blue sky, cloudless, perfect snow. no
wind. Just about two years ago. I was
feeling up to anything, like a young boy.
I always made a point of being in good
shape to start the season. J respect the
mountains; one must not take them light-
ly. Before the season started, 1 climbed,
did an hour of calisthenics a day, ran... .
For a man my age—I don't like to boast,
but 1 was considered a formidable skier.
1 loved the mountains. but, as I said,
I respected. them. I never believed that
апу run was worth a death, Do you know
Cousteau's phrase ‘the euphoria of the
depths

“Yes.

ng

“That day, under the Matterhorn, 1
felt the euphoria of the heights.”

know what it's like," Michael said
thoughtfully, engaged with his own mem-
ories now.

“Euphoria,” Heggener said. “Even the
word sends a tingle up your spine. It is a
wildemess word—you wouldn't ever
think of using it to describe anything that

appen to you in a modern city.

asy, but euphoria never.
Euphoria is a word that needs silence,
As if speaking the word had hushed him,
he walked on another 20 paces, the only
sound the crunch of their boots on the
snowy path.

“Cousteau caught something there,”
Heggener said finally. “The relationship
between exaltation and danger. The pre-
requisite, you might say. The danger of
drowning in the depths, the danger of
uncontrolled speed, daring the mountain,
outrunning avalanche.” He laughed
lightly. "I'm older now, I no longer can
T can speak wisely about a run not
being worth a death, but J have ridden
valanches down precipices in my time. 1
had a friend, a magnificent skier, and he
g into an avalanche
slope. It took twenty-four hours to find
the body. Still, when we did find him, I
swore there was a smile on his lips.” He
had spoken softly, elegiacally. Now his
tone turned matter-of-fact. “On that day,
1 had a slight cough. When I got back
late in the afternoon, coming down to
Zermatt after a marvelous Italian lunch,

the cough became more annoying. My
wife insisted upon my seeing

doctor.
The doctor insisted upon X-raying me.
They are neurotic about lungs in the
Alps. He diagnosed tuberculosis. Not an
advanced case, he ured me, I'd be
skiing again the next year. It happened
he was wrong. Not the first doctor to
make a wrong prognosis? Heggener
shrugged, made a little, uncharacteristic
dandyish wave with his canc. "So here I
am on foot, plodding alo
Michael stopped wa
it to the hotel from here:
Heggener stopped, 100, and looked at
him, puzzled 1 a half, m
a little more. Why?
“If you can walk more than a mile,
what's to prevent you from skiing? Slowly,
of course.
Heggener
refuse to see me
“He's not doing you any good as it is,
is he?” Cruelty was to be preferred to
manners today.
И» possible,” he said, “that I could do
a little mild skiing. As long as there were
someone to pick me up when I fell”
Look," Michael said. Although the
man had, to all intents and purposes. just
about threatened to shoot him the night
they had met, he could not help but
admire the candor and courage and grace
with which he was facing his fate, And
the stoical finality with which Heggener

“How far is

“My doctor would

had described his last rum down the
mountain touched him. "Look—I'm be-
ing p: whole days work by the

ski school. Your wife usually skis only in
the afternoon, and not every afternoon.
at that. I'd be delighted to take you ou

Heggener nodded. "What have I got
to lose?" He spoke almost gaily. “If it’s a
nice day tomorrow
your offer." He looked up at the s
Sun." he said, "shine tomorrow." He
laughed, sounding voung and full-bodied.

They were in the town now. With his
cane, Heggener saluted the shopkeepers
standing in front of thei
and tipped his hat 10 two l
wheeling baby carriages. Everyone seemed
ow him and smiled warmly at him

ГИ take you up on

"Contrary to most people my age,”
Heggener said, brushing some snow off
his mink collar, “1 do not applaud the
approach of spring. Winter is my season.
Luckily, we are far from spring. Which
brings up another point, Michael. Do you
really intend to stay the entire season?

“As of now, yes.

Heggener nodded. “Eva told me that
you had not yet said yes or no about the
offer of the little cottage on our property.

1 sincerely hope you will I
gather that you can afford to stay at the

Alpina as long as you like, but living in a
even one

hotel for three months at a t
as spectacularly comfortable as mine"—
he smiled deprecatingly—"can finally be
dreary. 1 must admit that Eva and T are
not being completely unselfish. 1 have to
go out of town on business, or to Boston
to the clinic, sometimes for weeks at a
time. I worry about leaving Eva alone.
During the season, as you may have heard,
the town is visited by some extremely
undesirable young people—ski bums who
€ by stealing—whole groups of young
people who shoot up on heroin and in-
dulge in other modern amusements of a
lar kind. Has Eva happened to tell
you why we are having the house redone
completely?

“No.”

“Last spring,” Heggener said, “we were
in New York for a few days and only
Hulda, the 70-year-old maid, was in the
house. A gang of youmg men and girls
broke in. The dog must have been ba
ing, so they shot him, Shot him. Bruno is
a replacement. Then the gang tore up the
house, ripped every cushion, broke all the
china, smashed the doors to the cup-
boards, sliced the clothes hanging in the
closets, everything. Then, as a final touch,
they shat on the floor. Hulda slept
through it all. Now I keep a pistol in a
drawer, a useful German P38. Having
you nearby would tend to discourage any
further depredations. If you do move into
the cottage, I will show you where I keep
ol. Have you ever used one?

me,

“No matter. You never have to use

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PLAYBOY

266

at more than ten feet if you want it to be
effective. At ten feet, it’s almost impossi-
ble to miss.”

The idea of using a pistol at ten feet
did not make Heggener's offer of a place
to live any more attractive, but Michael
felt that it was impossible to refuse.

"I'll move in when you tell me it's
ready," Michael said, without hesitation.

As they neared the front steps of the
hotel, they heard the sound of a piano
being played from within. “My friend
Antoine," Michael said. "He's a profes-
sional. It there's a piano anywhere, he'll
find it.

Heggener cocked his head appr
tively, listening, “Schubert. He plays
very well.”

“Poor bastard. He got into a ruckus in
New York in the bar he was playing а
and the police ne in and they found
our he didn’t have a work permit
boss fired him and he can't work in New
York anymore.

“What times we live in.” Heggener
said sadly. “You have to have the per-
the Government to play the

They went in together.
for a most pleasant promen:
gener smiled wryly
morning, if the sun shines.

Michael watched him climb the steps.
with effort, then went downstairs to the
bar, which was located in the basement.
Antoine was bent over the р y
intently, a cigarette hanging from his
lower lip, his sad, dark cyes squinting
against the smoke.

“Antoine,” Michael said, loudly enough
to be heard above the mu

Antoine stopped playing

па hounded

up and embraced Michael, without losing
his cigarette.

Michael and Antoine talked about New

York. Green Hollow, the snow. But then
Antoine started in on his immigration
problems. He was terrified that hed be
sent back to France, that he'd have to
leave the country that he'd learned to
love. Michael agreed to help him by
financing him for a few months.
I knew ] could depend upon you,”
Antoine cried and bounced down 10 the
piano stool and hit three resounding
triumphant major chords.

“By the way, where’s Susan? Sleeping
off the ride last night?

"Not a bit of it," Antoine said. “She is
a woman of demonic cnergy. She's skiing.
She couldn't wait."

“How is sh

Antoine sighed. “Elusive.”
^] thought you told me you were just

friends.”
‘She may think that,” Antoine said
darkly. "I am more demented about her
than ever. She is a glorious and infuriat-
ing woman.
Will she be back for Junch?
asked.
“Who know:
plans."
“Well, if she comes back" Michael
said, “we'll have lunch together. The
food here is very good.”
“J will never leave here.
As Michael started upstairs, Antoine
swung the stool around and began to
1 melody Send In

he never tells me her

improvise on the
the Clowns.
б
Michael was drying himself off after his
shower when there a knock on the

“J tell you, there's a sanitary-napkin dispenser
in the executive washroom!”

door. He threw on a terrycloth bathrobe
and opened rhe door. Eva was standing
there, looking businesslike in a plain
skirt and sweater. "May I come in?" she
asked.

"Fm not exactly dressed to receive
company."

"It won't take long." She came into the
room and faced him, unsmiling. "You're
doing something unforgivable,” she said.

“What are you talking about, Eva?
Having one sock on the bed and onc on
the floor might be careless, but it could
hardly be called unforgivable.

“Tempting my husband to believe he
could ski again. You ought to see him
now." she said accusingly. "He's stretched
out on the bed as pale as a sheet, gasping
for breath. I forbid you to mention the
subject again

“Eva. ." Michael said. “Nobody for-
bids me anything. Not even vou.”

“You'll Kill hi she said flatly-

“1 doubt it. In any case, he's a grown,
highly intelligent man and he knows how
he feels better than either you or 1 and
it’s up to him to make decisions that con-
cern him. I happen to think that a litde
easy skiing will help him, if not physical-
ly, then at least psychically.

Up to now,” d sardonically,
"you have successfully hidden the fact
that you have a degree in psychiatry.
You've talked to him twice and vou
think you know him, I've been married
to him for twelve years and 1 assure you.
you don't You talk about a little easy
skiing. "That's because of your ignorance.
does nothing easily and never

М

ichael broke in. "Maybe I

got the idea, he's going to ski, whether he
docs it with me or with somebody else.”
There was a soft rap on the door. "You
have company. We'll discuss this some
other time,” Eva said.
Michael went and opened the door,
Eva standing rigidly in the mid-
dle of the room. Susan Hartley was stand-
g there. i i clothes, her hair blown
from her morning on the mountai
“Hi, lover,” she said and kissed Michael
before she saw Eva behind I

formed herself in the Ilic eye, to
the mistress of the establishment, but her
voice was cold. “ 5 а pretty outfit

you're wearing.” Susan was in an all-
white ski suit. “The color becomes you.
The manner in which she said it made it
plain that she did not think that the color
became Susan at all. “ГИ leave you two
now. I'm sure you have many things to
talk about.”

She marched stiffly out of the room
Michael closed the door behind
gently.

"Did 1 interrupt anything

her

Susan

A

As
MA
у ps

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267

asked when they were alone.
“A medical discussion," Michael said.
“Nothing
Susan looked around the room. “What
a shining morning. I feel like a new
woman already. Can you see it?
"Ehe white flower of the hillside.”
"Approve?"
“Unreservedly.”
“The beautiful lady didn't. Approve,
I mean." She made a little gri
“Don't jump to conclusion:

PLAYBOY

“I sensed an aura of - . . owner:
Susan looked obliquely at him, half-
niling.

"Her husband owns the hotel,” Mi-

chael said stifily.
"| know that. That isn't what I sensed.
1 sensed romance."
"You'd sense romance in an ad for
1 dy is not romantic.

“There is guidance and guidance.
Susan laughed good-naturedly. "I'm wait-
ing for something.”

“We're having lunch in a little while.

“That's not what I'm waiting for.” She
approached him, playing at being extrav-
agantly coquettish and batting her eye-
lashes. She had her sports, Susan, ski
outdoors and flirting within. She held out
her arms.

He embraced her, kissed her lightly on
the mouth, uneasily conscious that he was
naked under the robe, broke away.

He tried to talk to her about Antoine,
about how he had told him that he was
demented about her, Susan made it clear
that she wasn't demented about him.
Then she teased Michael about Eva and
about how he was dies. As
he was asking her to leave his room so
that he could dress for lunch, there was
a knock on the door.

Michael pulled the robe tightly around
him and opened the door. Antoine was
standing there, holding a bottle of cham-
pagne and two glasses.

He stepped gaily into the room, then
stopped abruptly when he saw Susan,
“Oh,” he said, “I sce I'm short a glass.
He started back toward the door. "IIl go
get another one. .

"No need,” Michael said. “There's a
glass in the bathroom.
He heard Antoine say accusingly, “Su-
n, you said you wouldn't be back until
dark. What're you doing here?”

"What do you think I'm doing?" Susan
ly. "I was learning how to make
parallel turns.

Michael poured for the three of them
nd lifted his glass. “To deep snow and
sunny days,” he said.

Susan looked demurely at him and
with two hands held the glass to her lips,
like a small girl innocently drinking her
morning milk.

E
That afternoon, Michael took Antoine

to The Chimney Corner, an easygoing bar

268 where everybody talked to everybody else.

Jimmy Davis, the owner, with whom
Michael had drunk on many long winter
evenings, came over and Michael made
the introductions.

They ordered whiskies and Davis him-
self brought them over. “That piano in
Michael asked.

“I wouldn't know," Davis said. "No-
bodys played on it yet this year. Why?
You want to give us a concert?"

“My friend, Antoine here, might play
us a tune. He's a famous pianist from
ance."

Бе my guest,” Davis said to Antoine.
“A famous French pianist might just be
what we need to tone up the joint."
"What do you know?" Antoine said.
“It's actually in tune.” He began to play
Stormy Weather, because he knew that
Michael liked the song. They
at The Chimney Corner. /
to the delight of the customers and Mi-
chael chaued with Davis and several
others he knew.

б

Тһе next morning, Heggener was
standing in the sunshine in front of the
hotel, holding his skis and poles, waiting
for Michael. “Ah, Michael,” he said. “It's
such a Jovely morning I wanted to get all
the sun I could.

They drove silently to the bottom of
the lift in Michael's Porsche.

Once on top, Michael slowly and care-
fully led Heggener down the easiest of
the runs. Heggener skied easily and styl-
ishly, fully controlled. He breathed nor-
mally when Michael stopped to let him
and there was no sign of effort on
ace. It was hard to believe that this
elegantly dressed and graceful man had
been declared doomed by the doctors and
had not been on skis for two ye:

‘They made only two descems that
morning. Michael didn't want to take
Heggener back to his wife exhausted.
Heggener looked pleased with himself
nd there was good color in his checks
and he agreed immediately when Michael
said he thought the two runs were enough
for the first time out.

“How do you feel?” Michael asked as
they were driving back to the hotel.
ly.

Michael felt a sudden surge of
tion and something more than admi
та
man sitting erect, his fears secret, beside
him.

When they got back to the hotel, M
chael went up to Antoine’s room and
found Davis there. Davis d been im-
pressed with Antoine's playing
wanted him to play six nights a week,
from ten o'clock until one in the morn-
ing. E offered him meals, а small
room in the back that he could live in
and $75 a week.

Antoine accepted the offer and а
to start the next night,

е
When the weather was fine, Michael

eed

skied every morning with Heggener. He
was surprised at how much pleasure it
gave him to see the man get stronger and
stronger with each passing day. While
they still stayed away from the Black
Knight, they ran all the other slopes.
doing three, then four a morning, with
Heggener moving more swiftly and with
greater assurance every day.

On a clear, sunny morning, when they
had done four runs and Michael had
suggested that it was enough, Heggener
had shaken his hea nd had said, “I'd
like to do one more.

Michael hesitated, then said, "If you
feel up to it. ..

“No problem," Heggener said.

So they went up in the chair lift aga
As they soared above the trees, Неррепег
said, “Have you noticed something?"

“Гуе noticed that you're really skiing,
Michael said.

Jot that," said Heggener. "Haven't
you noticed that not once today have I
coughed? Last night I threw all my
medicines away. It may be meaningless;
but then again, it may not. And Гуе put.
on two pounds this week. That, too, may
be meaningless and it may not.

They rode in silence. Michael was so
moved that he didn't trust himself to say
anything. Somehow, he thought, by luck,
I have come to the right place at the
right time.

.
A week later, Michacl was ready to
into the cottage. He drove to the
big house to announce his arrival. It was
the first time he had gone there and he
rang the front doorbell and waited. The
opened by Heggener.
„come in, neighbor,” he said.
As usual, he was impeccably groomed and
dressed, his white hair and beard carefully
brushed, his face, which now tanned,
freshly shaved. He was wearing a shirt
and tie and a loose corduroy suit and his
brown shoes were polished to a high, rich
gleam.
Eleven o'clock," Heggener said. “What
should our pleasure be at this time of the
morning? Would you object to a bloody
mary?
"Not strenuously,” Michael said.
Heggener went over to the sideboard,
where there were bottles and glasses, an
ice bucket and a silver pitcher filled
tomato juice. His movements were deft
and precise and his hands were steady
and he obviously enjoyed bartending. He

gave a drink to Michael and lifted his
he said.

own. “Prost,
Prost," Mi
h,” Heggener said, after the first sip.
“The perfect thing for cleven o'clock.
Eva thinks it is a barbaric drink, but 1
have begun to grow a bit tired of her
‘Austrian wine. Sit down, sit down,” he
said and went over to the backgammon
table. He sat in one of the wooden chairs
nd motioned to Michael to seat himself

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another salami hero, which I washed down.
with another beer.

By the time Harry laid down his hand, I
thought I'd lay down and die. The upset was
nothing compared to the upset in my stomach.
And my head was pounding even harder than
Harry was pounding the table.

"That's when a pal passed me the Alka-
Seltzer* And the Ex those eager bubbles
made was even sweeter than a pile of chips
coming my way. It was the sound of fast relief.

Icould hardly believe how fast it was.
The antacids in Alka-Seltzer start working
instantly to soothe that upset stomach. While
the specially buffered aspirin starts speeding
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PLAYBOY

in the other. "I understand," he said
formally, "that Eva has been trying to
prevail upon you to stop our skiing
together."

Heggener sipped at
drink. “I trust that. our— iver
gence of opinion has not made you un-
comfortable.

“If 1 thought
harm, I'd tell you so,

was doing you any

Michael said.

“She is a determined woman,” Heg-
gener said, “and is used to having her

way. Bur she has an absurd fairh in doc-
tors. A faith that I have given up for
some years now. Oh, I almost forgot to
give you the key to the cottage. Will one
key do you?”

“Until I lose it," Michael said. He was
sure that another key existed and that
Eva had it.

"I may not be able to ski with you next
week, Michacl" Heggener said. “Eva is
insisting that I go to New York for a
series of tests. There is a doctor there
whom she has heard of. . . .” He shrugged.
“There is always a doctor she has heard
of" he said, and there was a note of
weariness in his voice. "We had the worst
scene of our marriage the night I threw
away all my medi . She accused me—
and, I'm afraid, you—of shortening my
life. I tell you this because I don't want
you to be surprised if she turns on you.”

“Thank you," Michael said. He didn't.
say that nothing that Eva would do or say
could surprise him.

“I have not yet given in. But in the
end—for the sake of pea He left
the sentence unfinished. “But, on the
brighter side. it will give you more time
to ski with that beautiful Miss Hartley.
It's amazing that she isn't married, A
young lady as pretty and delightful as
that."

“She prizes her freedom.

Hegpener nodded. “It is a state that
one can overvalue. It is the old sa

ying—
giving up the good in search of the best.
You, I understand, are still married. I'm
not prying, am 12" he asked hastily.

"Of course not. As far as I know,
Michael said, "my marriage is public
knowledge. We've been separated for
quite some time."

“Am I wrong in feeling that you miss
hei

0," Michael said slowl
wrong.

“И it’s painful for you to speak about
it, we can talk of other things.”

‘She demanded that I give up some-
thing it was impossible for me to give uy
Michael said. He knew so much about
the man opposite him who was now his
friend and his responsibility that it
seemed to him only just that Heggener
should know more about him. “Somewhat
as your wife thinks about you, she
thought that 1 was shortening my life.

iow're not

270 It all started on our honcymoon, when

1 took a bad fall in a ski race because
I was skiing above my talent, taking
тї It was coming out in a gush
now, in a relief from pressure that had
been building up ever since he had left
‘Tracy. “And she had the bad luck to be
on the spot when I was doing some
sky diving with friends and two of them
were killed. She asked me to give up just
those moments that made me feel that
life was worth living. If I had given in
and had stayed with her, our marriage
eventually would have been worse than
any divorce.
“Everyone to his own destructive nec-
essary passions,” Heggener said. “Yours,
mine, Eva's, your wife's. We live by them,
we die by them. We are understood and
misunderstood by them. When we believe
we are shouting, we are screaming sound-
lessly, as we do in dreams. My dream is
a young wife, whom I can no longer
serve, except as a refuge. In our day, we
ieve that we can explain all
behavior—sane, insane, almost sanc. In
the case of the gay and high-spirited
young woman I married, there were ex-
planations—though it was years before
1 learned them. But after the first m.
festation, she left me and disappeared
entirely for two months. I consulted with
her father, who, by the way, is an old
rasca] and not to be trusted at any time.
He told me Eva's mother had committed
suicide, as had her brother. That much,
at least, I found to be true. The father
also told me that as a child, when Eva was
denied anything, no matter how trivial
or impossible, she would fall into con-
vulsions or merely run away from home
until she was brought back by the police.
Genes, I'm afraid, play their role in all
this, but it is difficult to know what the
role actually is or the moment when a
particular gene is triggered into disas-
trous action. There are long periods
when Eva is serene—overcontrolled, the
pressure building up silently and secretly,
‘They are periods of peace and beauty.
But she is always poised for flight, as she
was as a child. And if she escapes, I know
she will be destroyed and 1 fear I will be
destroyed along with her. If I were an
honest man, I would have counseled you
to leave the first night I talked to you.
Eva is on the verge of madness. Verge
is the wrong word. She slips across the
border, slips back. I use what measures
І can to hold her. Psychiatrists, clinics
re too expensive to be called by
correct name—asylums, You are
this year’s measure, my poor friend. I am
selfish. I should tell you to get into your
car and drive off once and for all. But.
J won't. Perhaps you cannot save her, but
I feel you are saving me.” He put down
his glass on the backgammon board with.
a sharp, decisive click and stood up. “I
would be most grateful if you would be
good enough to drive me to New York
for the tests."

“Of course," Michael said, standing.

“Oh,” Heggener said matter-of-factly,
“I nearly forgot. I told you I would show
you where I keep my pistol.” He went
over to a fragile inlaid little writing desk
near the door of the living room and
pushed a small button that was almost
undetectable on the side. A drawer slid
out. He picked up the pistol from where
g on a soft piece of flannel.
"Lam happy to say that it has never been
fired. Eva, I must tell you, does not know
” He put the weapon
carefully into the drawer and snapped
the drawer back into place. He made a
little stiff bow and went out of the room,
leaving Michael to find his way to the
front door alonc.

б

Michael was unpacking his bags in
the cottage when Eva came in. She was
wearing a red cape, with the hood up,
protecting her hair.
in her cape, and rustically sensuous, like а
Watteau shepherdess, and certainly not
mad. Jt occurred to him that perhaps Eva
was not the mad onc in the family, that
it was the elegant, soft-spoken aging man,
the confessed murderer in the white-
pillared mansion with the concealed,
loaded pistol, who was involving him.
in some cunning lunatic scheme and was
even now chuckling to himself about how
he had taken in a credulous and casily
deceived stranger.

“I see you left the key in the lock,”
“Were you expecting company?"

А

I am under instructions from my hus-
band to see to it that you have every-
thing you need,” Eva said, smiling. "Do
you

Yes, thank you
“Aren't you missing something?"
‘What could that bc:
“This, for example” She went up to
him and kissed him, her mouth open, her
tongue sliding over his. For a moment, he
stood rigidly, trying not to respond, re-
membering what Heggener had just told
him, but the touch of her lips, the feel of
her body against his made him forget or
not care about anything else and he held
her hard and ran his hands over her, un-
der the cape, on the thin silk fabric of
her blouse.

"Damn it, Е
shouldn't do thi:

Why not?” She took off her cape and
threw it carelessly over the couch

"Your husband is why not. If J had
met him before 1 met you, I'd never
have. x

You say that now. Anyway, my luck,
you met me first.”

"| like him," Michael id. "More
than that. I admire him. His courage, his
gentleness. . . ."

“1 admire him, too. But that's another
department. We have some very well-
defined conditions in our marriage. You

," he said, sh

i

*UsTareyton smokers
would rather light z
than fight?” __ Жы:

рш ШЕ filter is only doing

half the job, because it doesnt
have Tareyton' activated ue yton
charcoal filtration.

There is no substitute for

Tareyton lights flavor.

Tareyto

Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined Tu— ;
That Cigarette Smoking ls Dangerous to Your Health. | 8mg.tar 9mg.tar

Tareyton lights: 8 mg. “Tar”, 0.7 mg. nicotine; Tareyton long lights: 9 mg. “tar, 0.8 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FIC method

PLAYBOY

272

fit one of those conditions admirably.
Shall I go in and see that the bed is made
properly?" she asked, mischievously.

an't we wait for tonigh
‘There's nothing wrong with tonight.
And nothing wrong with right now.
Don't пу my patience, Michael. 1 really
should be offended at your lack of
gallantry.”

“There's nothing gallant about us,
Michael said bitterly. "We fall оп cach
other like two wild animals. Were not
lovers, we're antagonists.
Whatever you wish to call it, my
dear,” she said sweetly. She started toward
the bedroom, but stopped, because there
was a knock on the door.

Michael opened the door. Susan was
standing there, holding an azalea plant.
brought you a housewarming gift,” she
said as she came into the room and Mi
chael closed the door behind her. “Al-
though," she said, nodding politely and
grecting Eva, “the house seems to be
pretty warm already.
ood morning, Miss Hartley,” Ev
said coldly. “Thats a very pretty plant.
h, in general, 1 dislike azaleas.
ng on so long. One grows tired
of looking at them.”

"When Michael gets tired of looking at
this one, he has my permission to throw
it out. I won't know—I'm leaving tomor-
row."

She looked. around the room. “What a.
charming little house. Don't you think
you might offer the ladies a drink of
welcome?”

"Sorry," Michael said. “ОГ course.” He
opened a bottle of Johnnie Walk

Susan sat down gracefully on the
sofa, pushing Eva's cape gently to one
side to make room for herself. “No ice,
please,” she said. “Just a little water.”

“I don't like whisky,” Eva said. "Don't
you have some wine in the house,
Michael?”

“I'm afraid not,

Michael s

“I must tell the boys at the hotel to
bring you a case," Eva said. The impli-
d

cation beyond the remark was cles
the little smile that. played around Susan
mouth told him she had caught it

He poured a drink for Susan and him-
self.
Michael,” Susan said as she drank,
“Antoine is giving me a farewell dinner
tonight at The Chimney Corner. And, of
course, you're invited. And you and your
husband, too, mad.

“Im afraid we're busy tonight, Miss
Hartley,” Eva said. “Please convey my
thanks to Antoine.

Susan finished her drink quickly. “Well,
I must be pushing off. Congratulations
again, Michacl, on your cozy little nest.
See you around eight. Goodbye, Mrs.
Heggencr. And thank you for how beau-
tifully everybody at the hotel treated me.
1 look forward to coming Бас

"I'm sure all the help will be pleased

to see you again, Miss Hartley.” There
was just the slightest emphasis on the
word help.

Susan went out, supple and springy,
and neither Michael nor Eva spoke until
they heard the sound of her car driving
off. Then Eva said, “There is only one
rule in this house. You are not to enter-
tain that lady here.

“In that case, thank you for everything
and ГЇЇ find someplace celse to live. I'm
peculiar—I like to make my own rules.
He began to throw the things he had just
unpacked back into the open suitcase.

Eva ched him for а moment, then
went over and held his arm. “All right,
you bastard,” she said. “No rules.

.

The dinner at The Chimney Corner
ingly good and Susan was
in high spirits, just a little tipsy and
preparing for the city with green eye
shadow, little circles of rouge on her
checkbones that made her look like a
child's doll and a new streak of blonde
in her hair. The room was full and An-
toine was playing marvelously. Michael
stayed late and thoroughly enjoyed the
conversation and Antoine's playing, And
Antoine didn't look as melancholy as
he usually did.

During bre he told Michael,
“Things're looking up. I bared my heart
to Davis and he’s been talking to people
and he says he’s pretty sure he'll get the

igration to give me a green card and
in a couple of weeks. He's
got connections everywhere, Jimmy. He's
not much on paying, but he's great on
connections."

“That's the best news I've heard іп a
long time," Michacl said.

.

"The next morning, Michael took Heg-
gener up the mountain. On the way up,
Heggener sa Eva has kindly agreed
to let me wait until next Wednesday
before going to New York, Do you think
you can take me dow

"Of course," Michael said.

The skiing was good and Heggener
scemed inexhaustible, his color high, a
small, pleased smile on his lips when he
stopped. It seemed foolish to Michael
that a man who looked so formidably
hale should have to go into a hospital,
but he said nothing to Heggener

“Ah, that was a nice morning,” Heg-
gener said, as they drove up to the big
house. “It will help get me through all
those doctors’ hands—at least for a day
or two.”

Eva was waiting for Michael and said
she wanted to skip lunch and take ad-
vantage of the good snow and the sun-

ht, so Michael and she went right off,
leaving Heggener, standing between two
of the white pillars, waving amiably at
them.

They spoke very little while they were
on the hill but concentrated on whipping

he skis like a boy of twenty.

around other, slower skiers and working
on technique. Ш it were always like this,
Michael thought, I'd stay on here forever.
In the middle of the afternoon, Eva
said she'd like something to cat
went into the lodge and had a
and tea. “Eva,” Michael said, pouring
his tea, “I must tell you once more that
І think you're wrong in insisting (h
Andreas go into the hospital.
Т hope you haven't told him that.”
"I haven't. But he looks so well—and

“Michael,” Eva said sharply,
don't know the harm you're doing.”
“Harm?” he said incredulously
getting stronger every
"He thinks he's getting stronger. And
you're encouraging him. He's beginning
to hope арай
“What's wrong with that?”

“The hope is false,” E
ically, "When he has
can be any time now,
And you'll be responsible.

"What do you want me to do—tell a
man who's just beginning to reach out
to life again that he's living a dream
that he must just sit wrapped up in
blankets and wait to die?

"Obviously," Eva said ironically
know better than all the doctors.”
aybe I do," Michael said stubbornly.
f you won't do it for him," she said,
“do it for me.

She was exasperating him with her
tenaciousness, her serene belief that only
she could possibly be in the right. “We
have a certain agement,” Michacl
said, brutally. "I sl h you for pay
and make love to you for pleasure.
"There's nothing else in the contract."

"You know,” she said thoughtfully,
refusing to be insulted, “I believe you
have an ulterior motive.”

“What ulterior

“You're deliberately try
his life,” she said.

“Oh, my God! Why would 1 want to
do that?”

“To reap the reward

What rewards?’
“Me,” she said. “The rich widow, who
passionately attached to you, or at
least to your useful body, and who would,
after a decent interval, be delighted to
marry you.”

He stood up. “The fun is over for
the day,” he said, controlling his fury.
He strode out of the room. € h he
thought, crazy. The man is right. I should
leave this town right now. But the
thought of never having that soft, prac-
ticed Viennese body in his arms again
was intolerable and he knew he would
not leave.

va said dogmat-
relapse, which

a
will shatter him.

“you

motive!

g to shorten

she s

mly.

The conclusion of “The Top of the
Hill" will appear in the October

PLAYBOY.
Ja

In America, the average person
drives 8,700 miles each year, 87,000
miles each decade and nearly half a mil-
lion miles in a lifetime.

A staggering prospect. Especially
when you consider that most people are
doomed to spend these miles in depress-
ingly uninspired cars.

Cars thet provide adequate—

erhaps even opulent—transportation.
ut little of the one thing that makes the
ect of driving something to be enjoyed
rather than something to be endured:
extraordinary performance.
WHY PEOPLE WHO OWN Е

THAN YOU DO.

First and foremost, the engineers at
the Bavarian Motor Works in Munich,
Germany are racing engineers by nature
end by profession. Automotive enthusi-
asts who could not bear to drive a con-
ventional sedan, let alone build one.

So, while the BMW 320i provides all

© 1979 BMW of North America, Inc.

the practical considerations one expects
in a small family sedan, it also provides a
driving experience so rare that people
who have never before enjoyed driving
find themselves seeking out long sweep-
ing curves and challenging back roads.
THE TACTILE REWARDS OF
PERFORMANCE.

When you drive the BMW 320i for
the first time, you will experience a
curious sensation of being part of the car
itself—an exhilarating feeling of control.

When you press the accelerator, the
twoditer, K-Jetronic, fuel-injected engine
responds without lag.

The four-speed transmission (auto-
matic is available) is engineered to let
you run through the gears with a smooth-
ness and a precision that, for the auto-
motive purist, borders on the esthetic.

Its suspension system—independent
on ell four wheels—provides the driver
with an uncanny feel of the road that is
positively unique to BMW.

Its interior is biomechanically engi-
neered to the nth degree. The front
seats are shaped to hold their occupants
firmly in place, and so thoroughly adjust-
able that it is all but mathematically
impossible to not find a proper and com-
fortable seating position

All controls are easy to reach; the
driver has an unobstructed view of the
instrument panel.

Even the interrelationship between
pedal placement and pressure has been
carefully balanced to reduce driver
fetigue.

If the thought of owning a small,
practical family sedan that's exciting to
drive intrigues you, call us at
800-243-6000 (Connecticut
1-800-882-6500) and we'll
arrange for a thorough test
drive at your convenience.

THE ULTIMATE DRIVING MACHINE.

Bavarian Motor Works, Munich, Germany.

BEAM

SINCE. ms

М Вед Ам); j
Times change. Tastes change. ON
But, for 184 years, Jim Beam hasn't. 3D.

By sticking with our basic recipe since 1795, RB "энмен | Л
Jim Beam has come to be the most popular bourbon Ор WHISKEY л
in the world. In a mix. With water. On the rocks. Neat. Еи en p

Jim Beam.

More people discover it every year.

Isn't it time you did?

184 YEAR OLD JIM BEAM

KENTUCKY STRAIGHT BOURBON WHISKEY. 80 PROOF DISTILLEO AND BOTTLED BY JAMES B. BEAM OISTILLING CO., CLERMONT, BEAM, KX

LAY BOY

WHAT'S HAPPENING, WHERE IT'S HAPPENING AND WHO'S MAKING IT HAPPEN

SPORTS.

KEEP ON YOUR TOES

ow that jogging threatens to replace sex as our national pastime, all types of portable products are being designed to
make the time you spend pounding along the tarmac or sprinting through the park as safe and pleasurable as possible.
The lightweight, hand-held gizmos for the road pictured here include a digital clock/stop watch, a wind-chill meter for
those freeze-yourtail-off months, a sports stop watch that can be easily read in sunlight and an adjustable device that
ear so you can lime your stride to the sound of its

plugs into 4 | your

Above: St. Charles LCD
digital timepiece fea-
tures 11 different
functions, including a
stop watch, a clock and
a calendar, by Shiva
International, $40.

Above: The beep goes on
when you jog with the
Strider, a tiny adjust-
able pacing unit that
helps keep your running
speed constant, by Cronus
Precision Products, $19.95.

RICHARD 1201

Above: Edmund Scientific's
wind-chill meter is a
battery-powered instru-
ment that measures
temperature and
conditions to wi

Above: Round Mi-
«rosplit stop watch
with liquid-crystal
display, by Heuer, gives
split time and time outs
to 1/100th second, $69.95,

with two-year battery.

Hit the bricks!

275

276

FASHION
GETTING YOUR PATTERNS TOGETHER

he old rule of never mixing more than two patterns has been superseded — albeit with
{pardon the expression) mixed results. It does take skill and daring, we admit, to pull off
the mixed-pattern look, but the added dimension to your wardrobe is worth the
trouble. Of course, designers and manufacturers have taken note of this develop-
ment and are offering preassembled multipatterned ensembles, but beware: Often they
give the wearer a somewhat canned look. Better

that you give the subject a little study and

develop your own taste. You can't
package style.— DAVID PLATT

The simplest way to mix diverse pat-
terns (and textures) is to concentrate
on smaller ones that are fairly
monochromatic, such as the subtle
multicolored acrylic tweed sweater,
above, by Huk-A-Poo, about $31,
that’s been combined with a multi-
colored cotton striped shirt featuring
a rounded button-down collar, by
Country Roads for Creighton, about
$40, and tapered polyester/wool
herringbone double-pleated slacks,
by 98 Battery St. for Levi, about $38.

ONOFRIO PACCIONE "

Below: For a truly sophisticated look, try mixing several patterns (even a bold plaid
shirt), textures and colors in such a way that no one element overplays the others. For ex-
ample, the multicolored wool/nylon jacket, by Wrangler Menswear, about $80, couples
well with brown herringbone slacks, by EBE Fashions, about $35, a gold acrylic/wool
tweed sweater vest with double button-through inverted-pleat pockets, by Bugle Boy,
about $24, multicolored polyester/cotton plaid shirt with short-point collar, by Career
Club, about $14, and a narrow burgundy wool tweed tie, by Vicky Davis, about $12.

Center: Here's an ensemble that’s been made slightly
more complicated with the addition of other colors.
To keep it from getting out of hand, we've related the
blue in the polyesteriwool double-breasted jacket, by
Cricketeer, about $130, to those found in the pinstriped
cotton shirt, by Country Roads for Creighton, about
$37.50, and the cashmere tie, by Yves Saint Laurent,
about $1B. The brown in the tie and the jacket also

the polyester/wool herringbone
double-pleated slacks, by Country Roads, about $52.

278

WHEELS

AFTER THE FOX

udi has just introduced a brand-new sporty model, the

4000, to replace its much-appreciated Fox, and judging

from that company's previous track record and our

chance to test-drive the 4000 on Bavaria's byways and
autobahns this past spring, the road looks wide open for this latest
little hummer.

The 4000 is about two inches longer and two inches wider than
the Fox. Dual round headlights have been replaced by rectangu-
lar ones that integrate nicely with the grille. A new dash layout
features two rows of easily reachable wrap-around rocker
switches that border the instrument cluster.

The front-wheel-drive 4000, like the Fox, couples MacPherson
strut suspension, rack-and-pinion stec ing and a four-speed gear-
box (a five-speed will be available late» this year) toa fuel-injected
four-cylinder overhead-cam engine that cranks out enough

oomph to get you from 0 to 50 in about eight seconds.

We topped the 4000 out on a no-speed-limit autobahn at close
to 100 mph— partially out of curiosity and partially because a
behemoth Mercedes truck was hovering on our tailpipe like a
moth to a flame—and felt as secure as we did at 55 mph. Driven
more prudently during Environmental Protection Agency tests,
the 4000 delivered 34 miles per gallon on the highway and 22
miles per gallon in town. Fill up the 4000's 15.8-gallon gas tank
and you should have a cruising range in excess of 500 miles.

The price for a two-door 4000 is $7495, with a four-door going
for about $200 more, not including such creature comforts as
factory-installed air conditioning, a four-speaker AM/FM stereo
radio and power windows and locks. It all adds up to a peppy little
package that's a ball to drive and is still under $9000. Be thankful.
for small favors. — DAVID STEVENS

The Audi 4000 features as standard appointments fully reclining bucket seats, adjustable headrests and carpeting that extends up the lower door

panels. Note the dash layout with its twin rows of wrap-around rocker

switches bordering the instrument cluster—all easily reachable without

removing your hands from the wheel. We also like the 4000's exterior tailoring; rectangular lights both front and rear dovetail nicely with the
car's slightly wedge-shaped body lines. The four-door model goes for about $7685; the two-door is about $200 less. And, of course, options abound.

€ 19798 3. REYNOLDS TOBACCO CO.

CAMEL TASTE.

NOTHING DSE COMES X N
TRAZ y thing p

y
and thetobacco is quality. And the quality Camel
X35 е

1 em " reason Camel smi ers Slay каше smokers!
MALA

| VAR Hi Na 1i a| i [у>

Б ШШШ

blend has never реет matched in 66 years.
s- The result is taste and satisfaction, and it's the

aes

* A E 1 PEZ 3j Е
4 Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 5 y
#4) That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 25 mg. "ter^, mg. nicotine ,
av, рег cigarette, FTC Report MAY 78. +

GRAPEVINE

I’m Dancing with

Tears in My Eyes

We know about NUREYEV and Fonteyn, but Nureyev and ROLLERENA?
Rudi is famous all over the world and Rollerena is famous in New York,
where he/she skates in all the posh watering holes—Bloomingdale's and
Studio 54, for example. When Rudi dances with an international ballet
company, he is all business. When he dances at a disco, he's all fun. By the
way, Rollerena's button does not say REAGAN FOR PRESIDENT, it reads, HOW DARE
YOU PRESUME I'M HETEROSEXUAL. We presume nothing. Shake your booty, Rudi!

В, MANNING /SYGMA

© 1979 RICHARD E. AARON

z
g
H
i
g
H
$
o

Sounds a Little Tart to Me

ROBIN WILLIAMS can't even eat out like a normal person. But
after watching a season of Mork & Mindy and catching his club
act, we have a sneaking suspicion that being strange is what drove
him into showbiz in the first place. Even so, this definitely is not
good restaurant etiquette. Everyone knows you're supposed to
roll the wine around in your mouth first—then stick it in your ear.

s j

Holding Action

Asked at a recent Stones concert what kind of settlement divorce
lawyer Marvin Mitchelson expects to get for Bianca, MICK JAG-
GER, holding the family jewels, said, not these. Supposedly worth
$25,000,000, Mick could afford to be magnanimous; but, then,
one shouldr't expect too much from the author of Let It Bleed.

Never Follow a Dog Act

THE FABULOUS POODLES were already a hit in London when their American debut album surfaced last

spring. Influenced by Frank Zappa satirically and musically, they are rockers first, jokers second. This pic is

part of the second, J part. Does unzipping your fly get attention? We ran the picture, didn't we?
1

© 1979 LYNN GOLDSMITH.

Light My Fire

Starlet CATHY LEE CROSBY (no relation to Bing) salutes the
camera with a little cigar, a little hat and lots of
cleavage. Aren't you sorry you're out of matches?

JEAN LOUIS URLI /GAMMALIAISON

STEVE SCHAPIRD /SYGMA

Do You Believe in Magic?
ANGIE DICKINSON and ORSON WELLES are working on a

magic act. Angie was all set to try the impossible making Orson

thinner—when she got tied up. Welles said he'd let her go if she E Y
watched his next four Tonight Show appearances. Angie's still tied up. "

282

SEX NEWS

BRA-OMETER

First there was the chastity belt; then
came panty hose. Now a Scottish biologist
has invented the zenith of contraceptive
lingerie—an electronic brassiere that tells
the wearer when she is most likely to con-
ceive. Glasgow's Dr. Hugh Simpson has
equipped a bra with sensors that register
temperature changes caused by sex hor
mones during the menstrual cycle. When

from an uncastrated pig carries the scent.
So chances are, if you fry up the bacon from
such a pig, you might wind up having
breakfast in bed.

PERIOD PIECE

A new study involving the menstrual
cycle and outside stimuli concludes that a
woman actually feels less when she has her
period. Researchers have deduced that the
brain functions as though it has a sensor
adjusting the impact of stimulation to the
five senses. When a woman feels menstrual
pain, the brain reduces the amount of pain
perceived. Likewise, other stimuli are ex-
perienced less. The sense of smell is di-
minished, food tastes blander, sexual
stimulation becomes more difficult. In a
simple touch test, female subjects were
asked to judge the width of an unseen ob-
ject held in their hands. Results showed
that they suffered lowered perception dur-
ing their periods. The findings suggest that,
rather than overloading on stress during
menses, the female brain adjusts to absorb
stimuli in lesser amounts. It's as though the.
brain creates its own padded cell.

NEW FORM OF SAFE DEPOSIT

The condom has definitely made a
comeback. It's a cheap, safe end effective
bubble of security against pregnancy and
V.D. But applying the latex sheath some-
times takes a bit of the edge off the heat of
the moment. The solution? Coyote Howls,
the prostitution trade paper, suggests oral
sex. For your edification, we reprint
Coyote's professional advice: "Pop a rub-
ber in the mouth, making sure it is roll-
ing the right way (test it on your thumb),

GARRICK MADISON

Here's the September T-shirt of the month,
with a straightforward slogan. If you like
your rock hard, Stiff Records are for you.

PN

RICHARD KLEIN

When the Fiorucci boutique debuted in
Chicago, potential customers enjoyed a

hidden bonus in these flash buttons, given
away on the streets before the opening.

and slowly put it on while giving the
macho male some head. If it is done in the
dark, chances are he'll never notice until
afterward.”

WAKE ME WHEN IT’S OVER

Anyone who has ever gone to sleep with
a friend and awakened to find himself en-
gaged in coitus probably wondered how it
happened. The answer might be that the
couple's REM (rapid eye movements) sleep
phases coincided. Several years ago, re-
searchers found that most men experi-
ence penile erection during the REM
phase of sleep, which occurs about
every 90 minutes. Research
now suggests that women,
t too, show signs of arousal dur-
Ux ing the REM phase. In a study,
researchers found that 90 p:
T7 cent of the time women experi-
enced a consistent rise in blood
pressure and a drop in blood
volume during REM sleep.
Those changes differ from
arousal when awake. If the
result is the same, who cares?

the temperature goes up, ovulation is oc-
curring and it’s time for precautions. Al-
though oral temperature changes have
long been used to detect ovulation, hor-
mone changes produce more heat in the
breasts than anywhere else in the body, so
Dr. Simpson believes his bra will prove
more accurate. Sounds like a plot to
undermine the braless look.

PORKING

We've heard of male-chauvinist pigs, but
this is ridiculous. British scientists are hint-
ing that Boar Mate, a spray used to arouse
female pigs sexually, has a similar effect on
female humans. Researchers in London
randomly sprayed chairs in a hospital wait-
ing room with the substance, which smells
like a turned-on male pig. Unsuspecting
women patients selected the Boar Mate
chairs over the unscented ones. Leave it to
the wily British to show us a new way to
attract women in singles bars. Just spray the
barstool next to you. Or, better yet, spray

MICHAEL WILSON.

WIDE WORLD PHOTOS

your mustache and maybe she'll sit on your
face. One fellow tried to make the skies
more friendly by wafting the porcine love
drug around a 747 cabin during a transat-
lantic flight. Pig farmers tell us that meat

Why was Margaret Thatcher the big winner in the recent national election in Britain? Well, Sex
News has a theory Barely clad beauties such as Nicki Debuse (left) regularly appear in the pages
of English tabloids to boost circulation. However, the London Daily Mirror announced that
during the election, political news would replace cheesecake. At voting time, readers, we
assume, must have transferred their allegiances to the nearest available female substitute.

“7

Solittle moneyhas
neverboughtso much SLR.

Introducing the Olympus OM-10. a super-bright blinking LED during self-timer operation.
But before you check into how little money it is, you should Until now, no camera displayed the shutter speed this way:
know how much SLR it is. The OM-10 is a fully automatic merely touch the shutter release collar and the red light appears in
aperture-preferred compact SLR designed with the extraordinary the viewfinder.
simplicity Olympus is famous for. With features you've learned to Until now, no viewfinder had an LED that lit to signal a fully-
expect from much higher priced SLRs. Or never expected fron an charged flash and blinked to confirm correct flash exposure.
SLR at any price. Until now, you couldn't enter the largest compact SLR sys-
Until now, no camera in this price range offered electronic tem in the world— the OM system — for so little money.
off-the-film exposure control (OTF). Measuring the light that actually Ifyou want to know just how little money buys this incredible
reaches the film surface during exposures from 2 seconds to 1/1000. compact SLR, the first new OM in four years, ask your dealer.
Until now, no camera atany price beeped in conjunction with You'll be as surprised as he was.

| OLYMPUS a10

|
|

The look of fie man who runs ahead of fj

FOR FURTHER INFORMATION, WRITE PENDLETON WOOLEN MILLS,

IN MEMORIAM

Many of you know that four people who were
very special to us аг PLAvBov were killed in the air-
craft tragedy in Chicago on May 25. They were
Sheldon Wax, our Managing Editor: his wife, Judith
Wax, the author and a longtime рглувоу contribu-

toria Chen Haider, our Fiction Editor; and
Mary Tierney Sheridan, the Administrative Director
of our International Publishing division. What you
could not know is how enormous the personal and
professional loss is for their friends and colleagues.
Since editors traditionally ply their trade behind the
scenes, we wanted to share our feelings for them

h you

Shel Wax was our guiding spirit, muse and wit—
and, from time to time, the gentlest of whipaackers.
He'd been around rtaynoy longer than most of
us—l9 years—and it was he who kept a rather
idiosyncratic staff pulling together. A sturdily built,
handsome man who moved with a tidy grace, he
would glide about the editorial floor making certain
that all in his wild domain was unfolding as it
should: typewriters clacking, copy being revised, egos
being soothed. He wasn’t a talkative man and com-
municated with no more than a raised eyebrow when
a piece was overlong, an encouraging grin when a
caption fit just right, an anxious chew on his pipe-
stem when copy for the Interview or the Advisor, as
alw; ame in late.

We turned to him more olten than we knew.

Art Directors led n "It Won't Work Wax.
and most often he was right, which only resulted in.
a new and better graphic idea. Yet, for a perfec
tionist, he was enormously flexible. Until a few years
ago, Shel tried to set a certain tone by coming to
work in a suit and tie. One of our great joys was
seeing him concede defeat and begin wearing jeans
with many of the rest of us. Of course, Shel went us
Great, hulking clodhoppers began to ap-
„ then brassy belt buckles and, finally, complete-

lled caps with wings above the cars.

And when the magazine refused to take itself
seriously, the influence has largely been Shels.

shances are, if a cover line or the title of an article
made you smile, Shel dunnit, (A service feature on
cheeses became What a Friend We Have in Cheeses
A layout on barometers: Weathering Heights.) When
the editors decided to award a prize—a typing ball
mounted on a plaque—tor the best staf-written copy
of the year, naturally, we called it the Waxy.

We can't help feeling that these words never
would have got past Shel's desk ("Whats with this
gushy stuff"), but a flavor of the man and what he
meant to us can probably best be conveyed by quot-
ing from a memo he once sent us:

Subject: Bureau of Missing Persons

Gee whillikers, gang, here I am being beaten
about the head because of the mountain of over-
time charges the magazine has piled up due to
lateness and when I look around in the morn-
ing for someone to discuss them with, I wind up
talking to myself. Not that 1 don't find the con-
versation brilliant, but I'd much prefer other

voices in other rooms. At the risk of sounding
starchy (starchier?) . . . I'm not asking that every-
one punch in at nine (IBM we're not), but com-
ing close strikes me as a reasonable request
Environmental note: You'll be surprised to
discover how clean the air is at that hour.

Judy Wax was a familiar and sisterly figure to our
staff, dropping by unexpectedly to schmooze with
Shel and to make the rounds of various offices. Her
writing career began at the magazine, where she
wrote humorous verses for our yearend issues:
Playboy's Christmas Cards and That Was the Year
That Was. Her parody of Watergate, a Chaucerian
takeoff titled. The Waterbury Tales, made her a
national figure when the piece was reprinted in
newspapers and magazines everywhere. And a month
before her death at the age of 47, she published her
wry and witty autobiography, Starting in the Middle.

at the magazine knew her as a vivacious and
effervescent woman whose only vanity. considering
that she looked 20 years younger than she was, was a
lament that she was sliding into her “middle yea
б

In one sense, Vicky Haider had just begun her
career. It was less than two years ago that our friend
took over our Fiction Department. In another sense,
Vicky had accomplished a great deal at the age of
34: She was a writer, an editor and, most recently,
a mother. In her short time at the magazine, she
had encouraged a number of young writers to con.
tribute to PLAvmov and, at the same time, had
established an enviable reputation among the maga
zin€'s more noted contributors of fiction. Irwin Shaw
told us that in his considerable experience, Vicky
was "the sweetest and smartest person in publi
ing"; and Joseph Heller recalled that when he told
Vicky he'd be coming to Chicago on a book tour.
he asked her, "You'll take care of me, won't you?
On a personal level, she was a sounding board,
quiet voice in contras to the frenzy of the other

torial departments.
.

Mary Tierney Sheridan was the one all of us knew
"over in foreign editions.” If publishing an estab-
lished magazine sometimes scems rough to us, Mary's
role in helping to launch. no fewer than eight edi-
tions abroad seemed overwhelming. Not all of us
could understand how a gentle person such as Mary,
with her soft Irish brogue, could cope with the clat-
tering telexes and conflicting demands of eight staffs
of foreign editors. A few of us realized Mary was

re combination of sweetness and toughness, tem-
pered by a childhood in which she made her way
alone from Ireland at the age of 16, rose to her posi-
tion at Playboy through a number of editorial jobs.

Job desaiptions and names on a masthead cannot
tell you what unusual people they were nor how
much poorer we feel without them. But this is the
point at which Shel would be telling us to tighten it
up. to send it out to paste-up and, for God's sake, to
watch out for dangling participles. So. ... Done, Shel.

285

PLAYBOY

286

autumn delights. You'll bite o
piece of the Big Apple by pl;

the outrageous pull-out bo;
game “54! You might not get i
Studio 54, but our game's better
than being there. Then тен
America’s favorite couple, the
Rideouts, who made marital rape
a public affair, Brave New Male
tells why you soon won't be needed
to procreate the species. But you
can drown your sorrows in ous
special feature on Chinese booze.
Also this month: suede fashions,
electric cars, new etiquette for the
Eighties, tips on tipping and much
more. September out. It'll make
your head swim.

NEXT MONTH:

GARY GILMORE

xx]
"79 BUNNIES. SNAKE HEAD

APOCALYPSE NOW

“THE EXECUTIONER'S SONG"—FIRST OF THREE PARTS FROM
AN IMPORTANT NEW BOOK, A RIVETING, OFTEN POIGNANT
PROFILE OF GARY GILMORE, THE CRIMINAL MISFIT WHO
BEGGED TO BE EXECUTED—BY NORMAN MAILER

“THE DAY THE DOLLAR NEARLY DIED"—YOU MAY NOT HAVE
REALIZED IT AT THE TIME, BUT WE HAD A FEW DAYS LAST
OCTOBER THAT THREATENED TO MAKE THE CRASH OF '29 LOOK
LIKE A MERE DIP—BY CHARLES A. CERAMI

“THE TOP OF THE HILL"—IN THE CONCLUSION OF THIS EX-
CERPT FROM THE NEW NOVEL BY THE AUTHOR OF RICH MAN,
POOR MAN, MICHAEL LEARNS SOMETHING ABOUT THE NATURE
OF OBSESSION—BY IRWIN SHAW

“TELEVISION'S LAST HURRAH''—STEP BY STEP, TV HAS BEEN
SELF-DESTRUCTING. THE RISE OF FREDDIE SILVERMAN MAY HAVE
BEEN THE BEGINNING OF THE END, BUT NEW TECHNOLOGY 15
SPEEDING UP THE PROCESS—BY GARY DEEB

“APOCALYPSE NOW'"—LAVISH PICTORIAL COVERAGE (AND
UNCOVERAGE) OF FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA'S $30,000,000 GAM-
BLE—AND THE GIRLS WHO GAMBOL IN IT, INCLUDING COLLEEN
CAMP AND 1974 PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR CYNDI WOOD

“BEAR BRYANT'S MADNESS"—WHAT MAKES THE CRIMSON
TIDE RUN? A STREET-SMART KID FROM NEW YORK BRAVES CUL-
TURE SHOCK TO GET A HANDLE ON ALABAMA'S GODFATHER OF
THE GRIDIRON GAME—BY RICHARD PRICE

“1980-1989: YEARS OF LAUGHTER, YEARS OF TEARS"—FROM
THOSE WONDERFUL FOLKS WHO BROUGHT YOU NOT THE NEW
YORK TIMES, A HILARIOUS SPOOF OF THE PREDICTION BIZ—BY
TONY HENDRA, CHRISTOPHER CERF AND PETER ELBLING

“SNAKE HEAD"—!T WAS ONLY A HALLOWEEN PARTY, AND A
SERPENTINE COSTUME SEEMED AS GOOD AS ANY—UNTIL IT GREW
ON THE LADY. A BIZARRE TALE BY LYNDA LEIDIGER

“BUNNIES OF 1979"—HERE THEY ARE AGAIN, THE PRIME AT-
TRACTIONS FROM PLAYBOY CLUBS AROUND THE WORLD

BURT REYNOLDS TALKS ABOUT WHAT IT'S LIKE NOT TO BE
MACHO MAN, HIS RELATIONSHIPS WITH HIS LADIES, HIS
UPCOMING MOVIE AND HIS NEW CAREER AS A THEATRICAL
IMPRESARIO IN A FREEWHEELING PLAYBOY INTERVIEW

This Canadian has a reputation for smoothness. So you won't catch
him drinking anything less than the smoothest whisky around.

Windsor. А whisky made with glacier-fed spring water and aged in
the clear, clean air of the Canadian Rockies.

WINDSOR CANADIAN.
It’s got a reputation for smoothness.

A'N XUDA MAN ANVAWOO AH3TTLLSIO HOSQNIM 3HE AG 1311108 ОМУ C31HOANI* 3008d 08+ N18 Y-AYSIHM NYIOYNY9

Marlboro
Lights:

The spirit of Marlboro У а егу еи
if alow r EEA AN he FA

Майот

LIGHTS

cowene

У N А Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined
Kings: 12 füg "tar" 0.8 mg nicotine av ‘per cigarette; FTC Report Maj [| That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health.

00:5 12 mg" tar?" D. a mp nicotine av. рег cigarette by FIC Method.

1 S k TA. vs BEL uo P soa Ec fI