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ENTERTAINMENT FOR MEN ч 1979 . $2.50 


| NORMAN 


MAI 
NONFICTION 

| MASTERPIECE: 
| THE LIFE 

| AND DEATH OF 


GARY 
GILMORE 


No. 1 BOX- 
OFFICE STAR 
BURT 
REYNOLDS 
HIS MOST 
REVEALING 
Bm 


THE MIRACLES OF 
BEAR BRYANT 


BODACIOUS 
& BEAUTIFUL! 


BUNNIES OF '79 


= Шш $ 
B —  MEMNMEMENENNME"UMI ^ 
СУСЕДЕ ò 


Range Coffee Pot and Mugs. Just the smell of coffee brewin’ is enough to 
warm a cowboy in the chill of the morning. The Range Coffee set includes an 
8-cup steel pot, with porcelain enamel finish, and four stoneware mugs. 


$15.00 for the set. 


The Spur Buckle. This solid ee ae 
brass buckle is a reproduction closures. Color: Midn 


of an authentic dress spur. — 
Fits belts up to 134” wide. em ven 
$10.00 each. » L1 — Large 


XLar 
$32.0 
Boots. Specially made for Marlboro. Western toe, double-stitched side seams, 

and cowboy heel. Sizes: Half sizes from 614 to 11; also 12 and 13. All D width. 
$65.00 per pair. 


Neckerchief. No cowbo 
a workin’ day in the sa 
without a bandana to p 
him from swirling dust 
burning sun. This red 1 
is screen-printed, 10096 
cotton and measures 
approximately 22"x 22” 
$4.00 each. 


Special Ed 
Marlboro 
Lighter. Sc 
case, antique 
with a brass n 
of the] 
Longhor 
$6. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 


That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


d rugged in the 
Vool blend with snap 
t Blue. 


yprox. 14-32), 
(approx. 15-33), 
yprox. 16-34), 
(approx. 17-35). 
ach. 


The Marlboro Coat. A Western classic. Soft, double-stitched sheepskin on the 
outside. Inside, warm shearling lamb's wool. Mid-thigh length, with cuffs that turn up 
for sleeve adjustment. Antler tip buttons. Color: Natural Brown. 

Even Sizes: 36-46. 

$250.00 each. 


The Trail Blanket. 

Gray with red, green and black 
striping. The kind of blanket 
that keeps the chill off a cowboy 
when he sleeps in the open 

| after a day of drivin’ cattle. 

f Wool blend: 66"x 84!” 

_ $30.00 each. 


“The Wrangler? The spirit 

of trail-driving days is etched 

into every line of this cowboy's 

windburned face. This 

contemporary poster is printed we 

on linen textured paper and 4 
measures 24"x 36!’ unframed. 

$3.50 each. | 


Horsehair Hatband. Hand made of double 
braided horsehair. Adjusts to fit any size hat. 


EAE) чаа The Marlboro Belt and Buckle. The buckle i 


solid brass. The belt | 
latigo leather, 134 im 
Small (30-34). Mediu 
BI and Large (40-4: 
$18.00 for both. 


The Montana. Made for Marlboro X a 
by Stetson. This kind of hat has been 

a Western tradition for more than 
100 years. Handcrafted fur felt 
with a 7-inch crown and a 

brim 4 inches wide. Shape 

and crease it to suit 

yourself —an enclosed 


leaflet tells you how. 
Color: Silver Belly. 


Sizes: 

Reg. Oval, 698 то 72. ^ 

Long Oval, 676 to 7⁄2. —~—_—_——_—_as 
$40.00 each. 


Cowhide Vest. Men’s extra-long, lined, split 
cowhide vest. Five snap closures. 

Color: Beaver Brown. Sizes: 38 to 46. 
$35.00 each. 


Professional King Lariat. This all-purpose 
ranch lariat is made of hand-stretched nylon 
and comes ready to use. ت‎ 


$16.00 each. Come to where the flavor is. Come to M: 


T 
Marlboro Country Store 


Name of item. Price 1 
Size and other specifications. each. E" Dm 
چا‎ 
заде of 
ор grain 
's wide. 
(36-38), 
А 
S 
= 
a Grand total. 
© 


(Insurance, postage and tax are prepaid.) 


Please enclose two end labels from any pack or box of Marlboro, 
along with check or money order only (no cash, please) payable to: 


Marlboro Country Store 
P.O. Box 6666, Westbury, N.Y. 11592 


Name 
Address Apartment No. 
City State Zip (necessary) 


Offer available only to persons over 21 years of age. Offer good in U.S.A. only, 
except where prohibited, licensed or taxed. Offer good until May 31, 1980, 
or while supplies last. Please allow 6 to 8 weeks for delivery. PB 


Fy Cut out and save. 
б 


- Our aim is to make sure you're completely satisfied with your order—and that you 
айй get it on time. But sometimes things go wrong. If they do, be sure to let us know. 
Ко Write: Marlboro Country Store, 100 Park Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10017 


pm. 


Lights: 12 mg 'tar;' 0.8 mg nicotine—Kings: 17 тд“ O mg nicotine- 100's: 18 mg "tar; "1.1 mg nicotine 
boro Country. av. per cigarette, FIC Report May'78, Lights 100s: 12 mg "'tar;" 0.8 mg nicotine av. per cigarette by ЕТС Method. 


“1 can afford to pay 
more. But, why should |? 
Catto's is higher in proof, lower in price: 
and more mellow in taste than any 
pretentious scotch I’ve tried. 
Since 1861, only the best whiskies have been 
good enough for Catto's. 
And, since 1976, only Catto's 
has been good enough 


| 
i 
© 
i 


THIS IS THE MONTH of Halloween, when, for 24 hours, we 
each have the right to try on a strange [ace without being 
called schizoid. But there are those who need no masks to 
change faces abruptly, horrifically. One such person was 
the late Gary Gilmore, whose life scemed destined from 
the start to end before a firing squad, The redoubtable 
Norman Mailer spent two and a half years researching and 
writing Gilmore's life story and the result is his forth- 
coming book, The Executioner’s Song (Little, Brown). 
"Ehe first installment of our three-part excerpt (illustrated 
by Marshall Arisman) tells of Gilmore's transformation from 
polite child into psychopathic, homici 

If the journey through Gilmore’s mind leaves your ARISMAN 
nerves a bit jangled, loosen up with Burt Reynolds, the 
subject of our Playboy Interview. Veteran PLAYBOY inter- 
viewer (he's done more than a dozen) Lawrence Lindermon 
says of Reynolds, “He is one of the most consistently 

c, clever and frank people I've met. He's enormously 
ble.” Then again, when you work around people like 
Jill Clayburgh and ice Bergen, with whom Burt co- 

rs in his latest, Starting Over, it’s casy to grin a lot 
king of men who have a way with women, Irwin 
Shaw's hero Michael finally comes to grips with his ma 
riage in our concluding segment of Shaw’s newest novel, 
The Top of the Hill, to be published by Delacorte. Also 
in the fiction department, we've a litde Allhallow's Eve 
special for you: Snake Head, by Lynda Lei lustrated — . " 
by Philip Cosile), a talc abou who becomes a bit x Y ~ IAr 
too attached to her Halloween costume. с раар 

Well, а new fall television scason із before us, and if 4 
you don't think much of the programing, don't (to para- 
phrase the Jacksons) blame it on the boogie, blame it on 
Fred Silverman. At least that's the opinion of the Chicago 
Tribunc's syndicated television critic, Gary Deeb, who pre- 
sin The Man Who Destroyed Television, illustrated 
by Alan E. Cober, the death of TV as we know it 

One thing you're sure to sce a lot of on the tube this 
fall is football, and a perfect way to get back into the MA 

kin mood is by reading Bear Bryant's Miracles, — SILVERSTEIN 
reverently described by Richard Price, author (Bloodbroth- 
he Wanderers) and native New Yorker. Another 
ng you'll see is girls, but none so fetching as our Bun- 
nies of '79. Associate Photography Editor Janice Moses coor- 
dinated the efforts of seven talented photographers, plus 
their teams of stylists and assistants, to produce this tribute. 
to the loveliest of our cottontails. It was a busy mouth for 
Moses, who also produced photographer Peter Weissbrich's 
h-born Playmate Ursula Buchfellner. 
bout the Eightics? Try a dose of And 
That's the Way It Was, 1980-1989, by Christopher Cerf, Tony 
Hendra and Peter Elbling. It’s an excerpt from their book 
The 80: A Look Back at the Tumultuous Decade 1980— 
1989, due in October from Workman. Some of the same 
guys put out Not the New York Times during last year's 
New York newspaper strike. Shel Silverstein's name is surely 
familiar to all, and he's back again with another poignant 
poem about human frustration, The Diet. If you've ever 
tried to shed a few pounds, you'll understand. 

Ifall that doesn’t make you warm and cozy this fall, we 
have two final suggestions: 1. Drink hard-cider drinks 
until you begin to feel like a glowing fireplace. 2. Wear 
an overcoat. If you aren't hip to cider drinks, read Sauce 
from the Apple, by Emanuel Greenberg, phoiographed by 
Frangois Gillet. No overcoat? Read David Plet's Playboy's 
Fall and Winter Fashion Forecast and you'll know what 


à 


to shop for. That’s about it: no tricks, just treats. PRICE LINDERMAN BUCHFELLNER, WEISSBRICH, MOSES 


PLAYBOY, (ISSN 0092-1478), OCT., 1979, YOL. 28, NO. 10. PUBLISHED MONTHLY BY гълтрот IN NATIONAL AND REGIONAL ECITIONS. PLAYBOY LOB.. 913 м. MIEN. AVE, снео,, HLL. сові. anD- 
CLASS POSTAGE PAID AT CHGO-, IEL., а AT ADDL. MAILING OFFICES, SUBS.: IN THE U.S., $16 FOR 12 ISSUES. POSTMASTER: SEND FORM 2579 To PLAYBOY, Р.о. BOX 2420, BOULDER, COLO. 80202, 


PLAYBOY. 


vol. 26, no. 10—october, 1979 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 


THEIPLAYBOYIFORUM сс т н ee ee eee 59 


Apocalypse Finally 


PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: BURT REYNOLDS—candid conversation ...... 67 
In a very personal, and sometimes rocky, encounter with veteran PLAYBOY 
interviewer Lawrence Linderman, the man other men envy makes fun of his 
macho image, reviews the ups and downs of his career and talks frankly 
about his romances with Dinah Shore and Sally Field. 


THE EXECUTIONER'S SONG—article ........... - NORMAN MAILER 96 
The first install ment of a three-part excerpt from Mailer's new book, a gripping 
portrait of the late Gary Gilmore. In this segment, Mailer describes the trans. 
formation of Gilmore from a quiet, polite child into a paranoid ex-con with 
drug problems, sexual hang-ups anda psychopathic personality. 


PLAYBOY’S FALL AND WINTER 

FASHION FORECAST—attire ...................... DAVID PLATT 103 
For the first time, we're forecasting in two parts. This month, we preview trends 
in suits, sports jackets and outerwear. Watch for part two next month to get 
а peek at the new looks in casualwear. 


SNAKE HEAD—fiction ........................- LYNDA LEIDIGER 112 
Wearing a reptilian Halloween mask turned her into a woman of mystery, 
so she decided not to take it off. 


“APOCALYPSE” FINALLY—pictorial . etsy TES 
A preview of Francis Ford Coppola's $30,500,000 (опа long overdue) epic 
about the insanity of war and the girls who make it almost bearable, 


AND THAT'S THE WAY IT WAS, 
1980-1989—humor 
CHRISTOPHER CERF, TONY HENDRA and PETER ELBLING 123 
Move over, George Orwell. Here are three guys who've really got the line on 
" the Eighties, and if only half of their advance nostalgia proves prescient, we're 
Hill's Top in for a humorously disastrous decade. 


RETURN POSTAGE MUST ACCOMPANY ALL MANUSCRIPTS, DRAWINGS AND PHOTOGRAPHS SUBMITTED 
ALS, ALL RIGHTS IN LETTERS SENT TO PLAYECY WILL BE TREATED AS UNCONDITIONALLY ASSIGNED 


GENERAL OFFICES: PLAYBOY SUNDIN 


RTH MICHIGAN AVE, CHICAGO. ILLINOIS 408 
IF THEY ARE TO BE RETURNED AND NO mi LITY EAN BE ASSUMED FOR UNSOLICITED MATI 
пе тыгу дне ION AND COM ICN PURPOSES AMD AS SUBJECT TO PLAYEOY'S UNAESTRICTED RIGHT TO EDIT AND TO COMMENT EDITOMIALLY. CONTENTS COFTJOMT W 1973 PY rLAYeOY. ALL 
Монте RESERVED. PLAYSOV AND RABBIT HEAD SYMBOL ARE MARKS OF PLAYBOY, REGISTERED U,S. PATENT OFFICE, MARCA REGISTRADA, MARQUE DIPOSEE. NOTHING HAY BE REPRINTED IN WHOLE 
Of IN PART WITHOUT WHITTEN PERMISSION FROM THE PUBLISHER. ANY SIMILARITY BETWEEN THE PEOPLE AND PLACES IN THE FICTION AND SEMIFICTION IN THIS MAGAZINE AND ANY REAL PEOPLE 
GND PLACES тї PURELY COINCIDENTAL, CREDITS: COVER: MODEL/ PLAYMATE GIG GANGEL WITH BURT REYNOLDS, PHOTOGRAPHED DY MARIO CASILLI. OTHER PHOTOGRAPHY BY, MICHAEL 
AURAMSON / CAMERA 3, т. 8, DRENT BEAR, Po 13, 14 14), NAMO CASILLI, P. 110-19, DAVID CHAN, Р. S; 158, 16C (2), Wi; ALAN CLIFTON, P. 3: NANCE стлөттоп, #: 3 CE}; NIENOLAS 


COVER STORY 

Recognize the hand on the cottontail thief on the left? Right! It's Burt Bunny, a.k.a 
Reynolds, the subject of this month's Playboy Interview. Mr. Bunny's detailed companion 
is Gig Gangel, a forthcoming Playmate of the Month. If you like our cover picture of 
Burt goofing off [photographed by Mario Cosillij, you can see more on page 69. 


BEAR BRYANT'S MIRACLES—sports .... $5 -RICHARD PRICE 126 
There's something about the Alabama coach that makes even nonfootball 
players want to go out ond kill just for his approval, which may explain why 
he’s won 284 football gomes in his career. 


DEUTSCH TREAT—playboy’s playmate of the month ...... ТООГУ ИЗ 
First discovered by staffers from the German edition of pLavsoy, Ursula Buchfell- 
ner used to work in a Munich pastry shop; this cupcake is obviously headed for 
bigger things now. 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor ......,........--------- ... 140 Snake Head 


THE TOP OF THE HILL—fiction ..... <.. -IRWIN SHAW 142 
In the conclusion of our excerpt of Shaw's latest novel, daredevil Michael meets 
his toughest challenge: coming to grips with himself and his marriage. 


SAUCE FROM THE APPLE—drink .......... -EMANUEL GREENBERG 144 
‘Autumn is the season for apples—and the delicious hot and cold drinks made 
from their juice. 


THE DIET—humor SHEL SILVERSTEIN 148 
Trying to lose weight is like being in a fight, and very few men can con- 
fidently predict (8 la Ali], "Fat will fall in four,” when they face the bathroom 
scales each morning. 


Foshion Forecast 


PINT-SIZED POWERHOUSES— modern living ...........---.-.--- 150 
The Village People introduce you to the best of those new, powerful little hi-fi 
speakers. 

THE MAN WHO DESTROYED TELEVISION—opinion ...... GARY DEEB 154 


That's a tough rap to lay on one guy, but according to the author—the contro- 


versial TV columnist for the Chicago Tribune—NBC's Fred Silverman deserves it. Apple Souce 


TUNING IN ON THE NEW TV TECHNOLOGY .... JIM HARWOOD 218 


—BUNNIESTOESZ9—hnictotiol ЗЕЕ 157 
Once again, we've brought those beautiful cottontails out of the Clubs into our 
magazine for a closer look. 


THE FIERCE MACHINE—ribald classic ............. JOHN CLELAND 167 
PLAYBOYSEUNNIES--humor eee ee eet О ЕЕ е o ae ete 71 
PLAYBOY'S PIPELINE . Güte CC OG AUS Se. x MS ЧИШУ EU uctor 175 
Man & work, combating car thefts, charter yachting in the Caribbean. 
HARELAPPAREL—-pictorigl m vro ge M oe ce ete 225 


We asked eight top fashion designers fo dream as. new Bunny costumes and 
here are the results. 


PLAYBOY POTPOURRI ......... 


PIAYEOVAON НЕС CENE ЕТТ 


Alarms, slacks, flasks. TV's Destroyer 


13). M9 (29. INSERTS. VANTAGE CARD BETWEEN p: 20-24, PLAYBOY CLUB INTERNATIONAL CARD BETWEEN P. 34 зз AND 220221. Е 


A GREAT UNDERSTATEMENT 
BY JOCKEY 


THE DENIM LOOK 
This classic is also a great- 
looking, great-feeling line of 
underwear. Color coordinated 
briefs and shirts with accent 
trims. 50% Kodel” polyester/ 
50% combed cotton for easy 
care. 


JOCKEY: 


The best is always better. 


Jockey International. Inc Kenosha, Wisconsin 53140 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor and publisher 


NAT LEHRMAN associate publisher 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
ARTHUR PAUL art director 
SHELDON WAX managing editor 
GARY COLE photography director 
G. BARRY GOLSON executive editor 


TOM STAEDLER executive art dircetor 


EDITORIAL 

ARTICLES: JAMES MORGAN editor; FICTION: 
VICTORIA CHEN HAIDER editor; STAFF: WILLIAM 
J- HELMER, GRETCHEN MC NEESE, DAVID STEVENS 
senior editors; JAMES R. PETERSEN senior staff 
Tier; ROBERT Е. CARR, WALTER L. LOWE, 
MARMARA NELLIS, JONN REZEK associate editors; 
SUSAN MARGOLIS-WINTER assistant new york 
editor; TERESA GROSCH, KATE NOLAN, J. F. 
O'CONNOR, TOM PASSAVANT, ALEXA SEHR (Ё0- 
зит), ED WALKER assistant editors; SERVICE 
FEATURES: TOM. OWEN modern living editor; 
DAVID PLATT fashion director: CARTOONS: 
MICHELLE URRY edilor; COPY: ARLENE BOURAS 
editor; sran AMBER assistant editor; JACKIE 
JOHNSON FORMELLER, MARCY MARCHI, NARI 
LYNN NASH, SUSAN O'BRIEN, DAVID TARDY, MARY 
NON researchers; CONTRIBUTING EDITORS. 
MURRAY FISHER, NAT HENTOFF, ANSON MOUNT, 
PETER KOSS RANGE, RICHARD RHODES, JOHN 
SACK, ROBERT SHERRILL, DAVID STANDISH, BRUCE 
WILLIAMSON (movies); CONSULTING EDITOR 
LAURENCE GONZALES 


WEST COAST: LAWRENCE 5. bietz editor; JOHN 
BLUMENTHAL, associate editor 


ART 

WERIG rore managing director; LEN WILLIS, 
CHE SUSKI senior directors; ВОВ POST, SKIP 
WILLIAMSON associate directors; BKUCE HANSEN, 
THEO ROUVATSOS, JOSEPH PACZEK assistant 
directors; BEM KASIK senior art assistant; 
PEARL MIURA, JOYCE PERALA art assistants; 
SUSAN HOLMSTROM [с coordinator; BAR- 
BARA HOFEMAN administrative assistant 


PHOTOGRAPHY 

MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast edilor; JEVE 
COHEN, JANICE MOSES associate edilors; WOAS 
WAYNE пеш york edilor; RICHARD FEGLEY, 
томо rosak stuf] photographers; JAMES 
IASON photo manager; тил. ARSENAULT, DON 
AZUMA, DAVID CHAN, NICHOLAS DE SCIOSE, PI 

LIP DIXON, ARNY FREYTAG, DWIGHT HOOKER, 
к. SCOTT MOOPEM, RICHARD IZUI, KEN MARCUS 
contributing photographers; party BEAUDET 
assistant editor; ALLEN BURRY (London), JEAN 
merke попу (Paris), LUISA STEWART (Rome) 
correspondents; JAMES wano color lab super- 
visor; ROBERT Сшллї administrative editor 


PRODUCTION 
JOUN MASTRO director; ALLEN VARCO man 
ager; ELEANORE WAGNER, МАША  XIANDIS, 
JODY JURGETO, RICHARD QUAKTAROLL assistants 


READER SERVICE 
JANE COWEN SCHOEN manager 


CIRCULATION 
RIGHARD SMITH director; ALVIN WIEMOLD sub- 
scription manager 


ADVERTISING 
HENRY W. MARKS director 


ADMINISTRATIVE, 
MICHAEL LAURENCE business mana ATKICIA 


PAPANGILIS administrative editor; PAULETIE 
GAUDET rights & permissions manager; MIL- 
DRED ZIMMERMAN administrative assistant 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
DERICK J. DANIELS president 


On a1 to 10 scale, 
627 million rate a 3. 
143,000 rate a 5. 
11 rate a 9. 


Yesterday, George Webber saw a 10. 


BLAKE EDWARDS’ 


d 
о. 
A 
A temptingly tasteful comedy for adults who count. 


DUDLEY MOORE “УЧЕ ANDREWS ROBERT WEBBER 


BLAKE EDWARDS: 
“10” 


|. introducing produced by 


^ music by 


— . ВО ПЕВЕК TONY ADAMS and BLAKE EDWARDS _ HENRY MANCINI 


written and directed by 
BLAKE EDWARDS 


E 


m 


Sony Tape. 
Full Color Sound. 


Music is full of color. Incredibly beautiful 
color. Color that you can hear... and (if you 
close your eyes) color you can almost see. 
From the soft pastel tones of a Mozart to 
the blinding brilliant flashes of hard rock to 
the passionately vibrant blues of the Blues. 
In fact, one of the most famous tenors 
in the world described a passage as "brown 
...by brown | mean dark. ..rich and full” 
Music does have color. Yet when most 
people listen to music they don't hear the 
full rich range of color the instruments are 
playing They either hear music in black 
and-white, or in a few washed-out colors. 
That's a shame. Because they re miss- 
ing the delicate shading, the elusive tints 
and tones, the infinite tes and variations 
of color that make music one of the most 


expressive, emotional and moving arts of all. 


Music has color. All kinds of color. And 
that is why Sony is introducing audio tape 


be on the Sony tape. Every single nuance 
of color, not just the broad strokes. 

Sony tape with Full Color Sound is 
truly different. Full Color Sound means that 
Sony tape has a greatly expanded dynamic 
range — probably more expanded than the 
tape youre using, This gives an extremely 
high output over the entire frequency range, 
plus a very high recording sensitivity: 

Theres even more to Sony tape with 
Full Color Sound, however. Sony has 
invented a new, exclusive SP mechanism 
ior smoother running tape, plus a specially 
developed tape surface treatment that gives 
a mirror-smooth surface to greatly reduce 
distortion, hiss and other noise. Each type 
of tape also has its own exclusive binder 
formulation, that gives it extra durability 

Any way you look at it—or rather, 
listen to it, you'll find that Sony tape with 
Full Color Sound is nothing short of superb. 


with Full Color Sound. If you're not hearing the 
Sony tape with Full Color | "hole rainbow on your audio 
Sound can actually record | tape, пу recording on Sony 
more sound than you can hear. ӨШ Bod eee) tape with Full Color Sound. 
So that every tint and tone [ewe [hen you'll be hearing all the 
and shade and hue of color glorious full color that makes 


that's in the original music will 


every kind of music, music. 


© 1979 Sony Industies, A Division of Sony Corp. cf America, Sony is a trademark of Sony Corporation. 


“Last year I switched to rum. 
This year I graduated to Myerss Rum? 


White rums may be what you learn on. But 
Myers's dark rum will advance your edu- 
cation. It will teach you just how good tasting 
rum can be. Because with Myerss Rum 
you get a smoother, softer taste that comes 
from master-blending and longer aging. 

What makes Myers'5 precious imported 
rum cost more, makes Myers’s taste better. 

In cola, soda, fruit juice or any of your 
favorite mixers. 


PLAYBOY 


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MYERS'S MAKES IT te how Myerss improves on cola. soda. tonic. fruit juice. 
Free Recipe Book: М; : А 622. FDR Station. New York. N.Y. 10022. Offer expires Decembet 


THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY 


in which we offer an insider's look at what's doing and who's doing it 


Jazz Festiv 
JAZZING IT UP BOULEVARD 


PLAYBOY STYLE 


Some 30,000 fans jammed into the Holly- 
wood Bowl for the two-night Playboy Jazz 
Festival—making it one of the most suc- 
cessful jazz extravaganzas ever produced. 
At left, Sarah Vaughan belts out a number. 
Below, Joni Mitchell sings her lyricized 
version of Charles Mingus’ Goodbye Pork- 
pie Hat. At right, Hef unveils a sign renam- 
ing Hollywood Boulevard in honor of the 
festival. Those who were unfortunate enough 
to miss the 14 acts—plus an incredible 
all-star jam—take heart: The festival may 
possibly become an annual celebration. 


— 


Above, Benny Goodman and the Young Tuxedo Brass Band 
(Ellyna Tatum, grand marshal) take over the Los Angeles Cily 
Council chambers for a ceremony proclaiming Jazz Festival 
Week. Below, a panorama of the capacily crowd; m.c. Bill Cosby 
gives Lionel Hampton some unneeded help on vibes (inset). 


THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY 


RUB-A-DUB-DUB, TWO IN A TUB 


It seems that wherever photographer David Chan goes these days, the 
media are always interested in what he's up to. Here, a crew from 
WFAA-TV in Dallas covers Chan shooting the bubbling Thressa Ralliff 
and Suzanne Miller for the Bunnies of '79 feature elsewhere in this issue. 


PLAYMATE UPDATE: 
SHARON JERKED AROUND 


Sharon Johansen, our October 
1972 Playmate and Hef's form- 
er dog trainer at the Playboy 
Mansion West, is shown above 


14 


in a scene with Jackie Mason 
from Steve Martin's forth- 
coming film The Jerk. At 
left, Sharon defies gravity 
momentarily as she breaks 
water during her Playmale 
shooting, The Jerk is ex- 
pected to be released 

_ Û at the end of this year. 


HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL 


Bob Hope is treated to a little surprise during his open- 
ing of the summer season at the Lake Geneva Playboy 
Resort & Country Club. A group of Bunnies surprised 
him by coming up onstage with champagne and 
cake in honor of the entertainer's 76th birthday. 


TUBIN' AND GROOVIN’ 


At left, Tom Snyder seems, odd- 
ly enough, to be at a loss for 
words as he listens to Hef talk- 
ing about the past 25 years of 
Playboy on a recent Tomorrow 
show segment. On the show, 
Snyder explained that he saw 
his first naked lady in our pages 
in the Fifties. Below, Hef—with 
pipe and backgammon game in 
hand—poses with parachutist 
Chevy Chase during the filming 
of Chase’s National Humor Test. 


‘y 


' were made 


i 
Weekends 


D 


^, `. Jor Michelob. 


Т. LOUIS, MO. ® SINCE 1896 


Sone 


О o so 


о 


THERE ARE A LOT OF WAYS 
TO BUILD A RECEIVER 
m ] ;THAT SELLS FOR 
=. UNDER*400 


You can leave out dual wattage meters 
like Marantz did, instead of providing them to give you 
anaccurate picture of what you're 
listening to. 


You can install an inexpensive press 
board bottom like Technics did, instead of a metal one that 
shields the tuning section from spurious noise and 
CB interference. 


You can use a conventional power amplifier like 
Kenwood did, instead of anadvanced DC amplifier that 
provides cleaner, more natural sound. 


You can use standard high band filters for 
FM stereo reception like Yamaha did, instead of a special 
integrated circuit that cancels out the unwanted 
FM stereo pilot signal. 


PIONEER 
DID IT 
HE RIGHT WAY. 


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DEAR PLAYBOY 


ADDRESS DEAR PLAYBOY 
PLAYBOY BUILDING 
919 N. MICHIGAN AVE. 
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 


HOME, SWEET PLAYBOY 
Let me thank you for your role as one 
third of a terrific trio that has kept me 
formed about North American happen- 
and points of view for the past уса! 
n a Canadian, exchangeteaching in 
France, and have relied considerably on 
Time, The International Herald Tribune 
and рглувоу since last September to keep 
me in touch with the world back home. 
L. Girard. 
Bonneville, France 


Iam a native California girl, born in 
Francisco and raised in one of its 
htful suburbs. Recently, I have been 
in haly. and since my command 
of the Italian gc is still limited, 
I crave the few American publications I 
can get at the newsstands. I find 1 have 
become bly addicted to raynoy. 
Each month, it has become my ritual to 
haunt my local giornalaio in search of 
the latest issue and, upon finding it, 
snatch it up gleefully, pay my 3300 
and rush home with my treasure to some 
isolated spot where I can savor its con 


for my work, there is nothing like 
PLAYBOY to bring back the vivid sparkle 
of life in America. Viva PLAYBOY! Con- 
ns, and thank you. 

Jan E. Beardsley 
Walnut Creek, Califor 


WAMBAUGH'S WORLD 
The interview with Joseph Wam- 
baugh in the July pLavnoy proved very 
interesting. His works are excellent and 
show a very real part of police life. 
Mare A. Smith 
Baltimore, Maryland 


I have been іп law enforcement for 
about six years, [rom New York City to 
the military, and now in a small town in 
corgia. Wambaugh's works have put 
into print feelings that just about every 
cop would like to express. Although the 


book The Onion Field is a fictionalized 
account of a true event, it is played over 
Tor real too many times each year when 
a police officer is shot or killed. I have 
not had the experience of having my 
partner shot, but I have been to other 
officers funerals, and it is a bad feeling 
10 sce one of your brothers going away, 
while somewhere in the crowd is another 
brother who is going to pieces over it. 
Thank God for such a man as Wam- 
baugh, so that people can come to realize 
cops and robbers is not a game, it is 
real, and I or the next guy can be next 
Henri R. Nolin 
Swainsboro. Georgi 


The Joseph Wambaugh interview is a 
gem of introspection. Wambaugh (along 
with other Hollywood mavericks such as 
Harlan lison, Howard Rodman and 
Stirling Silliphant) should be lauded for 
giving PLAYBOY'S wide audience a view of 
chickenshit Clow Town and its Machia- 


vellian indigenes. No wonder we're tube 
boobs. 
RX FOR SEX 


I read with much interest Where Sex 
Is Concerned, the Doctor Is Out, by Mor- 
ton Hunt (eravmov, July). 1 taught 
human atomy and physiology at the 
junior college level for 15 years until 
1977. The individual who taught before 
me skipped the reproductive system com- 
pletely, yet the school was known for 
its basic training of many local doctors. 
In 1976, one teacher, who lives from he 
neck up, thought she would enlighten 
me when she informed me that, when 
she taught the reproductive 
always told her students that it w. 
‘one system the human bedy could live 
without. I actually had students who 
came to class believing that the male had 
one less rib than the female. But what 
can we expect when human sexuality, 


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the human body, is denied over and 
over, even with such doctrines as the 
Adam'srib bit, the Immaculate Concep- 
tion, the virgin birth and the Trinity? 
Minds that are cluttered with such in- 
tellectual garbage wouldn't feel love if 
it grabbed them with the force of light- 
ning right in the genitals 

Betty Mayoral 

Chatham, Illinois 


I have long been an admirer of Mor- 
ton Hunt, so I find myself troubled and 
disappointed that what might have been 
an excellent critical piece is marred by 
an oversight that, in another writer, 
would generate nothing more than "So 
what else is new?" How is it that atten. 
tion is focused entirely upon male medi- 
cal school faculty members? If you were 
to look carefully, you might be surprised 
to discover that a very considerable num- 
ber who have been and are heavily 
invested in the teaching of sexuality and 
in the clinical and research activities of 
medical school-based centers for human 
sexuality are women. Why protest this 
oversight? Because, inadvertently, you 
perpetuate the myth that sex is essen. 
tially a male preserve, even as you detail 
the resistance of male professors to open 
it up and let the light shine in. 

Dorothy Strauss, Ph.D., 
Associate Director 

Center for Human Sexuality 

State University of New York 

Brooklyn, New York 


In reading about the SKAT survey 
that showed 15 percent of med students 
(before substantial training in human 
sexuality) believed that masturbation can 
cause mental illness, I rolled with laugh- 
ter at that ludicrous statistic. Jt seems 
that the real problem is not the direct 
lack of knowledge but the apparent in- 
hibitions or prejudices exhibited by some 
doctors. I know of an instance in which a 
doctor purposely deferred rectal exam- 
ination of a suspected homosexual for 
fear of initiating sexual arousal in the 
patient and not knowing how to handle 
it. (No pun intended!) 

Zell F. Malcolm, Tr. 
Troutman, North Carolina 


PAPAL POLITICS 

Andrew M. Greeley’ ticle The Mak- 
ing of a Pope (PLavnoy, July) is a reveal- 
ing, well-written presentation of what 
most of us have known for years but 
couldn't. satisfactorily substantiate. Per- 
haps, however, there is a more profound 
conclusion to his marvelous research: 
The Church is only another human 
stitution and the priesthood but another 
job, no more intrinsically holy than 
farming or stockbroking. 1, too, loye the 
holic Church. Like my Irish heritage, 
it is my own rite of passage and I am 
rather proud of it. But, frankly, I don't 
really care whether the Pope was clected 


by the Holy Spirit or with Mafioso 
money. I only wish he would emerge as a 
charismatic leader for the whole suffering 
world and not for some docile group of 
orthodox conformists. If not, Andrew 
Greeley will also be а “traitor” and a 
mighty cultural institution will continue 
to destroy itself. 


James Kavanaugh 
Nevada City, California 


BOND'S BACK 
I think the pictorial on the new 
James Bond film Moonraker": New 
Perils for 007, PLAYBOY, July) is outstand- 
ng. Being a devoted Bond fan, I always 
look forward to the articles your m 
zine has when a new film is released. 
Scott A. Breitmaier 
Rochester, New York 


Your pictorial on Moonraker is fabu- 
lous. The ladies 
especially that 
Gayat. 


re lovelier than ever, 
‘rench beauty Françoise 


Joel Shapiro 
Bronx, New York 


Was it the Potpourri reporter or just 
his martini that w 


ken in your July 
issue? Any bartender that has served the 
Great Bond knows that the martini was 
ordered stirred. 


Randy Gleason 
Houston, Texas 
Au contraire, Randy; 007'5 order 
(check “Dr. No,” page 174) was a medi- 
um-dry vodka martini, using Russian or 
Polish vodka (he preferred grain vodka 
to potato), with a slice of lemon peel. 
And it was to be shaken, not stirred. 


Regarding your July cover photo, the 
spy-film favorite is the Walther PPK, 
not the P38. 

Gene Lieb 
Red Bank, New Jersey 

Sorry, Gene, the P38 was used in a 
modified version by Napoleon Solo, the 
man from U.N.C.LE. And although 
Bond was issued a PPK, he preferred a 
Beretta. 


PHILLY FOLLIES 

Iam writing to comment on Maury Z 
Levy and Samantha Stevenson's article 
The Secret Life of Baseball (pLaynoy, 
July). I was especially concerned with 
the paragraph on “Usherettes Out for 
Action.” As an usherette in the Phil- 
lies organization, | was appalled to 
read such untruths. My motives for 
becoming an usherette were very simple: 
I love baseball and have followed the 
Phillies for over a dozen years, I enjoy 
working with the public and 1 needed a 
summer job to help pay my tuition in 
September. I most certainly am not “out 
for action,” and I feel safe in saying that 
my 142 co-workers had similar reasons 
for taking this job. (And it is just that— 
a job.) Unfortunately, the image of the 
Phillies’ Hot Pants Patrol (named for the 


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uniforms we wear) has been somewhat 
tarnished by your misstatements, As а 
native of the City of Brotherly Love, I 
should be willing to forgive and forget. 
However, in this case, I am not. 

Dana Pisanelli 

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 

Ow apologies to those usherettes who 

were mistakenly accused of extrainning 
hanky-panky. And our best wishes to 
those who weren't. 


I would like to call your attention to a 
single error in the otherwise impeccable 
July issue. Maury Z. Levy and Samantha 
Stcvenson's report on The Secret Life of 
Baseball states that 80 percent of the 
players polled said they had never read 
the rules of baseball and saw no reason 
to do so. It should have read 80 percent 
of all major-league umpires polled. . . . 
But don't blame the umpires—copies of 
the rules transcribed into Braille are 
harder to get than a new contract. 

Jeff Miller 

Macomb, Шіп 


DOROTHY IN TOTO 

Neither of us has ever written to you 
before about a pictorial; in fact, we 
might have made the occasional dispar- 
ing comment about “one of those j 
who write to PLAYBOY about the Pl 
mates.” But, going over the July 
issue, we discovered something amazing: 
Dorothy Mays. She is without a doubt 
the most beautiful and sexually alluring 
gatelold wonder since Marilyn Cole. The 
photographs on pages 
certainly among the best we have ever 
seen, and between us, we've been reading 


PLAYvoy for 24 years (we're each 21). 
Richard Schenkman 
Alan 
Yonker 


My sincere congratulations to Richard 
Fegley. Absolutely the sexiest piece of 
art ever to unfold in three pages. You 
sce, I'm an ass man myself. 

David Shealy 
allatin, Tennessee 


Our mayor has been saying thar “Ral- 
timore is best.” With Dorothy Mays rep- 
resenting us, who can say that it isn’t? 

Joseph Hilton 

Mayor's Advisory Committee 
on Art and Culture 

Baltimore, Maryland 


What a fantastic coincidence it 15 that 
three recent Playmates were born in 
West 1979 Playmate of the 


; St. 


Year Pierre—Wiesbaden; 
March 1979's Denise McConnell—Wies- 
ba nd now July's Dorothy Mays— 


Nuremberg. Way to go, PLAYBOY. 
Paul Brandus 
Rockville, Maryland 


Check out this month's Playmate, Paul. 


Congratulations! What a fox! Despite 
our lack of concern for our neighbors 


and our failures in acting responsibly as 
a group. EKY fraternity is proud to 
reveal ils cohesiveness and unanimity in 
ul Dorothy Mays an hon- 
orary little sister of Epsilon Kappa Psi. 
In compliance with our charter, all ini- 
iati ived, duc to 
umstances of total agreement. 
Could we please have onc more photo 
for our scrapbook? She does wonders for 
combating apathy. 

Epsilon Kappa Psi Fraternity 

Alpha Beta Chapter 

George Mason University 

Fairfax, Virginia 

We are deeply moved by your peni- 

tence. Having seen the error of your 
ways, you're entitled to another look at 


Dorothy. As to her honorary induction 
into your fraternity, well, we weren't 
moved that much. 


HEF ON THE TUBE 
Having watched your esteemed Editor- 
Publisher on the Tomorrow show with 
Tom Snyder, 1 feel compelled to write 
this letter to you. In the past, I thought 
of Hef as a man to be admired only for 
his lifestyle. But watching him handle 
with both candor and aplomb the ques- 
tions put to him by Snyder made me 
realize the type of individual he truly is. 
Hef has turned the name PLAYBOY into 
an institution that is instantly recogniza- 
ble to all. I have found some of the most 
informative and entertaining articles and. 
features in your magazine and I salute 
both Hef and рглувоу for an outstand- 
ing job that I am sure will continue for 
the next 25 years 
Corky Cole 
Newport News, Virginia 


HIP STRIPS 

As a trueblue reader of PLaynoy for 
the past decade, I must give you a pat on 
the k for your recent addition of the 


Playboy Funnies. 


What I am especially 
impressed with 


s the work of Lou 
Brooks. Га buy rtAvzov just for a bit of 
heaven from him h month. 
Kirk Muspratt 
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 


I have noticed while reading your 
letters column that not too many people 
congratulate you about your Playboy 
Funnies. Well, I would just like to say 
that the strip Singlewoman, by Judy 
Brown, McLeod and Sherman, is as fun- 
ny and well drawn as Little Annie Fan- 
ny. Since I first encountered the strip in 
your December 1978 issue, I have been 
hooked on it and it has been one of the 
main rcasons for my buying your maga- 
zine. I have just one complaint, the 
fact that it is featured only once in a 
while, So could you please make the strip 
appcar more often? 


n Reisset 
mmondville, Quebec 


HIGH STYLE 

lverstein's style may have been 
colloquial-modern when he wrote The 
Perfect High or the Quest of Gimmesome 
Roy (PLaynoy, July), but his message is 
timeless. Wrapped in hip clothing, he 
has presented a truth we must all accept 
if we are ever to climb any higher up the 
evolutionary ladder, The foundation of 
civil societies rests upon truths like this. 

Dennis P, Treece 


FPO New York, New York 


Someone help me stop laughing, please. 
After I read The Perfect High, 1 just 
went whoa! It was fantastic. Shel Silver- 
stein is great and, as always, PLAYBOY 
does it again with a super story for the 
poetic head. 


Budie Osborne 
Lebanon, Oregon 


UNDER NEWTON’S FIG LEAF 
With exams over and graduation a 
few days off, what better pastime could 
we engineers find than to occupy our- 
selves with the July issue? However, we 
were amused to see the cartoon (Erikson, 
page 211) of Sir Isaac Newton (inventor 
of the calculus and discoverer of the 
of universal motion, among other things) 
getting laid under the apple tree. U 
fortunately, poor Isaac never got laid; he 
died a miserable death that the doctors 
of the time attributed to his virginity. 
Michael Jones 
John Kent 
Tony St. Clair 
Blacksburg, Virgin 
Frankly, we've never heard of anyone 
dying of virginity, though it seems а par- 
ticularly gruesome way to go. Perhaps the 
gravity of his discoveries caused his se: 


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PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


he reason you weren't able to enjoy 

the talk "Suicides in Nevada" at the 
International Association of Coroners 
and Medical Examiners was becaus 
speaker Ralph Bailey, the Washoe Coun 
ty coroner, shot himself in the head a 
month before the convention. 

. 

Here's something perfect for the ex 
ecutive sweetie, Vladimir Kagan, a New 
York furniture designer. has come up 
with a women's executive desk—com- 
plete with a pullout vanity compart- 
ment, “This is an haute. couture desk, 
explains Kagan. He figures that a lady 
exec may want “to look at herselt before 
she receives a guest without running to 
the ladies’ room." And how much will 
this step-saving desk cost? A whopping 
$13,500. 


TAKE MY LICENSE, PLEASE 

Have you ever been pulled over by an 
irate traffic cop for speeding? And have 
you ever gotten the sneaky suspicion that 
while you're attempting to babble your 
y out of a ticket, the cop is secretly 
laughing at your misery? Well, no need 
to feel paranoid about it. He is. In 
Michigan, local cops went so far as to 
take down outstanding speeding excuses 
and enter them in competition. This 
year, the Michigan Fraternal Order of 
Police held a friendly contest, honoring 
“the most creative excuse for speeding.” 

Among the finalists: man who plead- 
ed, “Officer, my wife is going to get 
pregnant tonight, and I want to be there 
when she doe 

A driver of a car caught speeding on 
a highway in the center lane reserved for 
left turns who told a trooper he thought 
the center lane was designed for Volks- 
wagens that wanted to go faster. 

A frenzied driver who, after leading 
police on a 100-mile-an-hour dhase, 
pulled over and explained, "I'm in a 
hurry to get to the garage to get my 
brakes checked." 


And this year's big winner: A fellow 
who claimed he was speeding because a 
group of stuttering summer-camp chil- 
dren had given a farewell party for their 
cook, his wife, and their expressions of 
appreciation had lasted a very long time. 


CHECKS AND BALANCES 

The Bank Secrecy Act of 1970 requires 
every bank in the United States to make 
and keep a microfilm copy of every check 
you write. Which means no secrecy at all, 
according to the North Carolina firm of 
Liberty Graphics. That's why Liberty is 
manufacturing a line of completely legal, 
universally acceptable, virtually герго- 
proof checks suitable for all debts, public 
and private. And for $10 per dozen 
Liberty will also sell you its No. 150 
Copy-Not Pen—a handsome felttipped 
instrument that will nol reproduce on 
most copying equipment, If ever there 


were a business with a philosophy of 
telling the Government to mind its own, 
it’s Liberty. 


So much for your checks—what about 
checks payable to you? Liberty offers 
(strictly аз а novelty item) a humdinger 
of a rubber stamp for the face of any 
check you write or endorse, which reads, 
in part "No copy permitted without 
signed permission of signer(s. Up to 
$10,000 fine and 10 years in prison. r 

But, because there can be presumed to 
be ny check you 
do cash, and because you, as an honest 
citizen, would report any monetary in- 
come to the Government, anyway. Liber- 
ty suggests that you neither fold, spindle 
nor mutilate but endorse any check with 
its special CONSTITUTIONAL MONEY stamp: 
“In accepting and endorsing this check, 
the way 
having received lawful money.” which 
confronts the IRS with the bitter truth 
that since the Constitution clearly de- 
fines money as gold or silver in the 
amounts specified. you have received no 
lawful money and are not required by 
law to pay taxes on the "legal tender" 
you did receive, "The constitutional- 
money argument hasn't stood up in a 
Federal court yet (despite some success 
in state and local jurisdictions), but 
when spring and tax time come around, 
сап Howard Jarvis be far behind? For a 
complete catalog of privacy-enhancing 
products, write to Liberty Graphics, Box 
3614, Charlotte, North Carolina 98903. 


record somewhere oí 


endorser in no acknowledges 


BUN WARMER 

Vacationers who frequented Narragan- 
sett, Rhode Island, beaches last summer 
were able to get a view of the future 
from the driver's seat via the introduc- 
described as “the 
United States’ first solar-powered pub 
lic bathroom.” The $21,000 Close 
Encounter commode is covered with 
rooftop solar panels. These panels, 
absorbing the rays of the sun, 
heat the water for the hot-water 
taps on the sink and help keep 


ion of what is being 


PLAYBOY 


24 


the building toasty warm. Presumably, 
anyone caught in the john after sun- 
down will have to squeeze Charmin to 
keep warm. 


FLYING FEATHERS 

Everyone has heard the expression 
“His goose was cooked.” Well, one de- 
cidedly deceased, albeit uncooked, goose 
has earned Dr. Sherman A. Thomas the 
label dead duck in the eyes of the United 
States Fish and Wildlife Service. Last 
May, avid golfer Thomas birdied on the 
17th hole at the Bethesda, Maryland, 
Congressional Country Club in a big 
way. When the feathers stopped flying, 
there was one very dead goose on the 
ground . . . beaten to death by the golf- 
club-wielding Thomas. 

Now, at this point, only Perry Mason 
or, perhaps, Donald Duck can straighten 
out the facts. The doctor claims he acci- 
dentally beaned the bird with a Gerald 
Ford specialty shot. He then bludgeoned 
the bopped bird to death in order to put 
it out of its misery. Another version of 
the story, offered by concerned bystand- 
ers, is that the goose’s verbal razzing 
caused the good doctor to miss a shot. In 
a rage, he turned on the goose, club in 
hand, The goose honked and saw Jesus 

The matter is still up in the air, with 
the country dub thinking of expelling 
the bird man of Bethesda and the Wild- 
life Service charging Thomas with two 
misdemeanor counts that could cost him 
up to $500 and six months in the hoose- 
gow. Just goes to show you how valuable 
a good goose can be in today’s society 


REFRESHING. AND THEY ARE PILED 


"Horse Shit Cigarettes.” read the la- 
bel. “Made from the finest grade of 


domestic and imported horse shit ob- 
tainable. 


Ошу [яс] fresh midd [sic] 
is used. Nor MULE sur. And 
are roasted to keep that mild, sweet 
taste.” The cigarette that cares more 
about good flavor than about good spell- 
ing admonished, “Do not look for pre- 
miums or coupons, as the cost of the 
orse tirds [sic] blended in our cig 
rettes prohibits the use of them. Not 
touched by Human Hands. Not a Fart 
in a Carload.” 

Unable to verify these extravagant 
claims with the manufacturer, Horse Shit 
Cigarette Company of Shitville City, we 
the usual 
The Federal Trade Commission, Food 
and Drug Administration, 
Services Administration and the Treasu 
Departments Alcohol, Tobacco and 
Firearms Division didn't know shit. 
Neither did the American Cancer Soci- 
ety, but its representatives said they were 
opposed to smoking anything. But a 
Drug Enforcement Administration agent 
in Chicago remembers having come 
across Horse Shits in 1968 and believes 
they were some sort of anti-establishment 


turned to informed sources. 


put-on perpetrated by the Berkeley Barb. 
And a Customs official in El Paso said 
he's been seeing them for 50 years, that 
they are available in Mexico wherever 
particular tourists congregate, that he 
doesn’t know if they contain horseshit 
and would not be willing to spend so 
much asa dime to find ош. 

We continued the investigation using 
the techniques we know best. Hold- 
ing the pack gently but firmly, we un- 
pped the band, tenderly peeled off the 
cellophane wrapper and stripped away 
the label to expose, alas, an ordinary two- 
peso hecho en Mexico cigarette. Alas, be 
smirched by the appropriate tax stamps 
and health warnings, the ill-manured im- 
postor was revealed as containing noth- 
ing more exotic than black tobacco. 
No shit. 


CHECKING IN. 


We asked Theodore Fischer to turn 
the tables on Burt Bacharach 10 record his 
own answers to some of his musical 
questions 
PrAYBoy: What's new, Pussycat? 
BACHARACH: Ап bum, Woman, re- 
corded with the Houston Symphony. 


When I was writing it, I looked back 
and asked myself where most of my suc 
cess had come from. Most of my music 
that has made it big has been sung 
by women and it appeals to women. I 
know women very well. I've known some 
great women. The Look of Love was 
written right off Ursula Andress’ body, 
right off her face, right off the way she 
walked. 1 used to stay up at night, watch- 
ing Casino Royale on my Moviola. I'd 
stop the machine, look at her ap; 
Angie [Dickinson] would be asleep in the 
next room—I just kept running it. 1t was 
one of my biggest kicks to finally meet 
her at a party and say, “I don't know 
whether you know this, Ursula, but that 
song was born from your whole being. It 
just came out of you.” 

PLAYBOY: What's it all about, Burt? 
BACHARACH: One thing that’s really es- 


sential is affecting people's sex lives with 
your music. I remember a girl on a plane 
from California to New York. We had а 
drink and she asked me for an autograph 
and after she had another drink, she con- 
fessed that she couldn't make it unless 
she had one of my albums on. That 
really made me feel terrific. You feel like 
you're there and that you're contributing 
to their sexual happiness. Another girl 
told me she could get off just by listening 
to New York Lady on the new album. 
"hat made me feel good, too. That's 
even a little different from having you 
music contribute to two or three or four 
people having a good time in bed, Here 
there's one person who comes listening 
to your music. 
pLaynoy: Wha 


t do you get when you fall 


in love? 
SACHARACH: All the dynamite elements 
associated with love—you can't sleep, 


you can’t eat, you can't write at the 
piano, you can't even go to a movie, you 
don't know how to get through a night 
without that person. The sad thing is 
that we're no longer equipped to have 
love the way we thought it was. When 1 
was in college, I slept with a girl and 
I thought because she slept with me. she 
must be in love with mc. It was a rude 
awakening when I saw her with some- 
body else the next day. Things are looser 
now. and easier. There's nothing wrong 
with that, but we don't hang in anything 
too long. I'm still married to Angie and 
have no desire to get a divorce. Мете 
sort of separated. I've gone out with oth 
er people and so has she. I also go out 
with her a lot and ГИ tell you this. 
lot better since we've been sepa 
than it ever was in the last three, four 
years we were living together. 

PLAYBOY: I hear the music coming out of 
your radio: Are you there with another 
girl? 

BACHARACH: Probably not. When Em in 
bed, whether it's my music or Brazilian 
music or any music, I want it off. I figure 
what the band’s playing and what the 
drummer's doing and 1 get distracted 
І don't want any music on, because 1 
want the music to be made in bed. 
тлүвөү: Do you know the way to San 
Jose? 

BACHARACH: Are you talking about logis- 
tics? We just used San Jose as the syn- 
thesis of a small town you left to make it 
in L.A. It could have been Bakersfield or 
Fresno, but they don't rhyme. St. Tropez 
rhymes, but you probably wouldn't want 
to leave ther 


б 

We know one candidate in the recent 
primary election for mayor of Coving- 
ton, Kentucky, who wasn't afraid of los- 
ing the feminist vote: Foster "Woody" 
Raper. His running mate was not Betty 
Kant. 


. 
‚ it's not the meat, it's the 
wyer friend told us about а 


Remember 
motion. A 


й 
МД ^ 
SHE {фен à <, 
Weds} 
diet m : ». 


me look of the man who runs еа of Ihr pack; К 


PLAYBOY 


26 


GREAT THOUGHTS FROM THE FAMOUS ABOUT 
LOVE, SEX AND THE HUMAN CONDITION 


Bob Schnei- 
der, a free- 
lance writer, 
and Art Spie 
gelman, the 
creator of “Ed 
Head”? in 
“Playboy Fun- 
nies, are also 
students of les 
nots justes. 
Here is an up- 
lifting selection 
from their ar- 
chives. 


аз 
you've got to 
keep on shov- 
ing. 


— GENERAL GEORGE 5. PATTON 


With women, I've got a long bam- 
boo pole with a leather loop on the 
1 of it. I slip the loop around their 
necks so they can't ger away or come 
too close. Like catching snakes. 

— MARLON BRANDO 


One is very crazy when in love. 


— SIGMUND FREUD 


Man's only weapon against a wom- 
n is his hat. He should grab it—and 
— DAMON RUNVON 


ru 


life is based on 
—MEL BROOKS 


Everything we de 
‚ especially love. 


fe: 


There are a lot of weirdos running 
around who don't need anything 
more than an exposed belly button to 


set them off, —DEAR ABBY 


with a 


If you've got 
umpet. 


‚ bump 
— SUZANNE SOMER! 


In the sex field, you can be totally 
stupid and still make money. 
—AL GOLDSTEIN 


lies and nice ladies. 
— LAWRENCE WELK 


I like clean 


Frigid people really make it. 
—ANDY WARHOL 
ke a Mary Poppins 


movie and shove the umbrella up my 
ass. —MARILYN CHAMBERS 


I have an intense desire to return 


to the womb. Anybody's. 
оору ALLEN 


^ single strand of a woman's pubic 
hair is stronger than the Adantic 
able. — —bUsTY, IN SAMUEL FULLER'S 


The Naked Kiss 


Personally, I 
like sex and I 
don't care what 
a man thinks 
of me as long 
as I get what 
I want from 
him—which is 
usually se: 

— VALERIE 
PEKKINE 


Apparently, 
the way to a 
girls heart is 
to saw her in 
hal. —vicror 

MATURE 


WHAT IF LID 
COLN пар BEEN 
A woman? Chances are she would 
have never appeared in public or run 
for office. Even today, too many wom 
en still suffer with the problem of un- 
wanted facial hair, letting it keep 
them from a full and happy life. 

— CHICAGO HAIR SPECIALISTS Ар 


е 
rd it is to be a 
—ALICE COOPER 


Only Tammy Wynette and А 
Cooper knew how hi 
woman 


A pedestal is as much a pris 
any small space. 


on as 
—GLORIA STEINEM 


Blondes make the best victims. 
They're like the virgin snow that al- 
ways shows up the bloody footpı 

—ALFRED HITG 


As far as I'm concerned, being any 
gender is a drag. — PATTI SMITH 
You're not really drunk if you can 


lie on the floor without hanging on. 
Jor E. LEWIS 


Don't drink the water; fish fuck in 
it. —W. C. FIELDS 


Crème de menthe and come in my 
mouth—they go well together. 
— JODY MAXWELL, PORN ACTRESS 


Behind the initiation to sensual 


pleasure there loom narcotics. 
— POPE PAUL VI 
Cocaine isn't habitforming. I 
should know—I've been using it for 
years. — TALLULAH BANKHEAD 
R for those who face 


drugs. —том WAITS 


Im for anything that gets you 
through the night, be it prayer, t 
s or a bottle of Jack Daniel's. 

FRANK SINATRA 


young man who collapsed on the dance 
floor of a suburban Chicago disco. He 
was rushed to a nearby hospital and in 
the process of finding out what the trou. 
ble was, an emergency-room staffer dis- 
covered that he had an Italian sausage 
strapped to his upper thigh. 


TURNING A DEAF EAR 
When MGM rel 
loid melodrama about the romance be- 
tween а deaf woman and a rocknroll 
singer, it managed to offend a. thereto- 
fore unheard-from minority group: deaf 
moviegoers. When the movie opened in 
San Francisco, a coalition of deal res- 
idents of the arca started a boycott that 
forced the film to close after a one-week 
run. The deaf coalition claimed that the 
movie was unfair to its members because 
it was not captioned, further charging 
that the film exploited the deaf beca 
the heroine was portrayed by act 
Amy Irving, who can hear just fine. 
“We did everything we could to make 
it a movie for deal people,” retorted 
MGM vice-president. Al Newman. “In 
truth, we went to all ends to find a qual- 
ified deaf actress for the role and we 
could not. We hired Martin Sternberg, a 
deat professor at New York University, 
as a technical advisor. And there were 
number of deaf people who acted in the 
movie.” 
MGM withdrew the film and spent 
30,000 to come up with a cap- 


ased Voices, а cellu- 


d version of Voices designed spe- 
cifically moviegoers. Two 
] protest, Voices 

n Francisco . . . 


No one showed 
in, closed within 
a week, What went wrong? Says Albert 
Walla, an employee of the Deaf Coun- 
1 Referral Agency of Oakland: 
"It was а lousy movie 

. 
We'll whip his ass, too, while we're at 
When White House lobbyist Frank 
oore called New York's Representative 
Thomas Downey to urge bim to leak to 
the press President Carter's “ГИ whip 
his ass” comment about Ted Kennedy, 
the White House retaliated by giving 
reporters Downey's unlisted home phone 
number. 


° 

According to the Charles Gity, Towa, 
Press, “The so-called Sunbelt states will 
nearly double their copulation and have 
almost half the nation’s population by 
the end of the century if current trends 
continue.” And if they don't, fuck "em, 

. 

For those of you who like chicken 
delight, this recipe from the Raleigh, 
North Carolina, News and Observe 
“Add chicken and cook, t about 
ten minutes or until brown on а 
and dork can be inserted in d 
with ease. 


1 


Give your cola 
that Seven touch. 


Seagram's 7 & Cola taste like they were made 
foreach other. Pour 1'4 oz. Seagram’s 7 over ice, 
add cola and g rnish with lime. Two great tastes, 
one great drink. Enjoy our quality in moderation. 


Seagram's Т Crown 


Where quality drinks begin. 


28 


MOVIES 


he debates about Apocalypse Now will 
we for a long time to come. After 
an enormous outlay of time and energy, 
is producer-director Francis Coppola's 
monumental drama a masterpiece or is it 
not? Does it have to be? Because of dead- 
line pressures, I was able to view Apoca- 
Iypse only as а work in progress, precise- 
ly the way it was shown at the Cannes 
Film Festival. The final prints shipped to 
theaters will have revised narration writ- 
ten by Michael Herr (author of Dis- 
patches). There'll be minor changes in 
the opening scenes, some revisions of the 
music and a definite decision about how 
to end the movie, By nov least half 
the world must know that the ending had 
been Coppola's stickiest problem. 105 still 
his problem, no matter which of several 
climactic shots he chooses. His problem 
is the penultimate Brando sequence— 
some murky, pretentious dialog and the 
stolidity of Brando himself during the 
last 20 minutes of the film, when the leg- 
endary Colonel Kurtz is finally tracked 
to his lair by Captain Willard (Martin 
Sheen), the Special Forces man sent to 
te him. Here's where Apocalypse 
gets tangled with its complex roots in 
Heart of Darkness. By the time he gets 
to the pure Conradian profundity of 
Kurtzs last words—'"Ihe horror! The 
horror""—Coppola seems to be out of 
his depth and into his doldrums. 

That's the bad news: Not everything 
works. But let me quickly add that 
Apocalypse Now, all in all, is an amazing 
and marvelous piece of work, with the 
kind of larger-than-life operatic splendor 
that Coppola at his best manages better 
than anyone but Fellini. Credit Coppola, 
Italian cinematographer Vittorio Storaro 
and production designer Dean Davou- 
laris with igniting the screen with unfor- 
gettable images of wars dehumanizing 
hell-fire not seen since All Quict on the 
Western Front. Compared with Apoca- 
lypse, The Deer Hunter looks absolutely 
hawkish. And five'll get you ten that Rob- 
ert Duvall will earn an Oscar nomination 
for his portrayal of Colonel Kilgore, the 
wild jingoist jock. Duvall—whose most 
telling line is “I love the smell of napalm 
in the morning"—sends a couple of his 
men out on surfboards while he demol- 
ishes a Vietnam village with helicopters 
wired up to blast Wagner's Valkyrie bat- 
Пе music over the jungle at top volume. 

Apocalypse boasts some stunning sec- 
ondary highlights, too: the Playmate se 
quence; the senseless massacre of a 
boatload of peasants by Willard’s crew 
scene after scene of Gls, high on any- 
thing they can smoke or sniff, experienc- 
ing war through a psychedelic haze. This 
is unmistakably Coppola's movie, not an 
Yet Sheen moves to- 


actors’ showcase. 


Duvall, Coppola filming Apocalypse. 


Heroism onscreen: Apocalypse's 
long-awaited debut, another 
Camelot and Rocky's sequel. 


Streep, Alda star in Seduction. 


Stallone and friend in Rocky II. 


ward new major-star status as Willard, 
while Frederic Forrest, Albert Hall, Sam 
Bottoms and Larry Fishburne add strong 


support. The antithesis of that well- 
balanced cross section of American guys 
you'd encounter in a standard World 
War Two movie, these are dope fiends 
just hoping to save their 
Apocalypse Now begins in a seedy Saigon 
hotel room, where Sheen wakes up and 
“shit.” His head is spinning, he 
secs life as “a bad fuckin’ dream.” That's 
the dream Coppola launches brilliantly — 
and sustains most of the way. Well, no- 
body's perfect. 


own asses. 


Says, 


О 
Alan Alda, making an auspicious de- 
but as a screenwriter, has created a 


strong starring role for himself in The 
Seduction of Joe Tynan. It’s a Kennedyesque 
political drama, or app: 
actually, Joe Tynan develops as an inti- 
mate, touching and deeply subjective 
portrait of a man corrupted by power— 
a New York liberal Senator, "hot" with 
the media, tempted into a liaison with a 
labor lawyer, a drawling daughter of the 
Decp South whose daddy taught her the 
political ropes. "When I want somethin’, 
1 go git it,” she says with a smile that 
might alter the course of history. The 
Seduction of Joe Tynan has more to do 
with behind-thescenes politicking, how- 
ever, than with Washington sex. 
Torn and Melvyn Dougl 
most formidable opponents 

Alda's solid performance as Joe Tynan 
is nearly upstaged by his sensitive writing 
of damned good parts for women. As the 
ambitious Southern lady, Meryl Streep 
has the best role of her career so far, 
more fuel for her growing reputation 
(helped by an Oscar nomination for The 
Deer Hunter) as one of the rrircally big 
movie stars of tomorrow. Barbara F 
es ovations as Tynan’s wife, who 
stubbornly tries to preserve some sense of 
herself while her home, husband and 
children are either slipping away or go- 
ing public. Harris manages to become a 
synthesis of all those incumbents’ wives 
who end up telling People magazine 
about their self-doubts, their psychother- 
apy, their drinking problems and their 
facelifts. Of course, much credit for the 
emotional impact of Joe Tynan gocs to 
director Jerry Schatzberg, somewhat bet- 
ter known abroad than he is at home for 
such films as Scarecrow, Panic in Needle 
Park and Sweet Revenge (which was 
more or less buried alive). The Seduc- 
tion of Joc Tynan should mark a sipnifi- 
cant professional turning point for 
Schatzberg, his writer and his stars. 

E 

Rocky П is not so much a sequel as a 
remake of Rocky, with a couple of 
wrinkles ironed out. Rocky gets married 
and consents to a rematch with Apollo 
Creed (Carl Weathers). He also becomes 
ther and begins to make a little 


also 


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PLAYBOY 


30 


money, which someone suggests he ought 
to invest in condominiums. “I never use 
'em," Rocky answers. That's probably 
Sylvester Stallone's best line, though he's 
in fine form again as a big lovable 
lummox. Talia Sh and Burt Young do 
what they can with their roles in a 
one-man is m ۲ 


show that ive. 

shamelessly sentimental and virtually 

guaranteed to make the crowd roa 
. 


Boxing and the battle between the 
sexes, for my money—or maybe just 
more to my taste—are handled better in 
The 


Main Event. Barbra Streisand and 
an O'Neal share the spotlight, often 
with hilarious results, in a comedy pro- 
duced by and Jon Peters, directed. 
by Howard Zieff. Barbra's а bankrupt 
big-business woman, embezzled out of 
everything but full ownership of a fight- 
er (Ryan) who actually thinks of himself 
as a lover and prefers to run a driver 
training school. Their script has some 
bumpy sections, but both stars scintillate, 
especially when they get into sexual role 
switching. Main Event also boasts a de- 
liciously demented character sketch by 
Pati D'Arbanville, as a tough-as-nails 
chick with a terrible cough. 

. 

James Bond movies аге practically 
beyond criticism by now, though Moon- 
raker сап hold its own with any previous 
adventures of 007. Matter of fact, judged 
for speed and style and inspired space- 
age gimmickry, this may be the biggest 
Bond issue ever floated. Roger Moore 
and Lois Chiles—along with Michael 
Lonsdale as the evil Drax, and Richard 
Kiel in a return appearance as the den- 
tally deadly Jaws—hop from L.A. to 
Venice to Rio de Janeiro, encountering 
enviable dangers at every turn. You sa 
the best bits previewed in our July issue; 
on the big screen, it's even better. 

б 

Tunneling out of a jail cell to freedom 
has been done—and done pretty well— 
in dozens of movies before Escape from 
Aleatrar. Jailbreaks, slugfests and such 
macho-man activities come naturally to 
producer-director Don Siegel, which is 
your assurance that the latest Clint East- 
wood adventure is bound to be technical- 
ly almost flawless. Based on known and 
imagined details of the one and only 
successful, unsolved breakout in the fa- 
mous prison’s history, Alcatraz achieves 
a high degree of verisimilitude at the 
expense of excitement. So this outing 
may be limited in appeal to that rather 
large circle of Eastwood addicts, millions 
strong, for whom the Great Stone Face is 
as meaninglul a symbol as the silent 
slabs of Stonehenge. 

б 

There is precious little to get excited 
about in Sidney Sheldon's Bloodline, director 
Terence Young's movie version of the 
schlocky best seller, in which Audrey 
Hepburn, Ben Gazzara, James Mason, 


Barbra leans on pugilist Ryan. 


For love or money: 
taking punches and 
pulling strings. 


The divine Miss Piggy. 


Michelle Phillips and a slew of inter- 
national stars prop up a story about 
murder in the family of a European 
tycoon. The only memorable moments 
in Bloodline are several kinky scenes 
about the making of snuff movies—with 
suspecting prostitutes as the oncamcra 
tims of a bald strangler. No relevance 
to the main plot or to anything else ex- 


cept Sheldon’s uneiring instinct for 
merchandisable mediocrity. 
б 
Among the comedies T have заг 


through lately, there's really only onc 
that brought humdrum daily cares to the 
point of meltdown. Of course, 1 mean 
The Muppet Movie. I'm no ardent fan of 
Punch and Judy shows or puppets in 
any form (if they're spindly marionettes 
mouthing grand opera, watch my dust 
сп route to the exit), and the Muppets 


on TV were nearly strangers to me. 
Call this my apology to Muppetman Jim 
Henson, director James Frawley and his 
ers. Their Muppet Моше is a 
ig showbiz fable about “how the 
Muppets really got started," and I be 
lieve every word of it. Kermit the Frog 
was discovered in a swamp by an agent 
(Dom DeLuise) and urged to try his 
luck in Hollywood. Long before he 
conquers Tinseltown, he meets Fozzie 
and Miss Piggy (“the di 
swine”) and is kidnaped by mad scientist 
Mel Brooks, who threatens Kermit with 
an electronic cerebrectomy ("Turns the 
brain to guacamole”). Charles Durning, 
as a wicked fast-food tycoon, tries to per- 
suade poor Kermit to become a pitchman 
Гог French-lried frog legs. A lot more 
happens; theres just по letup—with 
James Coburn, Madeline Kahn, Elliott 
Gould, Steve Martin, Richard Pryor, Or- 
son Welles and Telly Savalas leading the 
corps of guest performers unafraid to 
share screen time with the Muppets, 
scene sicalers supreme, who have report- 
edly whittled many a flesh-ind-blood 
superstar down to size. In this jolly com- 
pany, everyone scores. 
б 


Susan Anton, in the title role of 
Goldengid, plays an Olympic track star 
who his been pumped full of growth 
hormones by her ex-Nazi father and the 
consortium that owns her. A damaged 
pancreas, diabetes and a chest full of 
gold medals at Moscow are her rewards 
for a job well done. James Coburn co- 
stars in what is actually a monster mov- 
ie—and quite an original, provocative 
one—with Anton (fresh from her Muriel 
Cigar promotions on TV) as the kind of 
freak they don't make every day. Frank- 
enstein, eat your heart out. 

. 


on his way to San F 


neisco during the 
gold rush. When the rabbi teams up 
with a gunslinger (Harrison Ford), Kid 
begins to blow its comic possibilities in а 
whirlwind of brotherly love, Wilder can 
be funny, but he wants so much to be 
charming and Chaplinesque and vulner- 


able at the same time that he ends up 

smiling through the schmaltz. What this 

movie needs is Mel Brooks as an Ind 
. 

Dom DeLuise, still another Mel Brooks 
alumnus, directed Hot Stuff with the ram- 
bunctious exuberance that is his hall- 
mark as a performer. Jerry Reed and 
Suzanne Pleshette co-star with DeLuise 
as members of a police burglary squad 
who open a store for "hor" merchan- 
dise—hoping to trap a bunch of petty 
thieves by pretending to be fences. Noth- 
ing can shake my conviction that Hot 
Stuff was originally а TV pilot, stolen 
from its crib by gypsi 

— REVIENS BY BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


The new convertible TR7—the first new production con- 
vertible in a decode. Modern engineering has been skill- 
fully wed to legendary excitement in the newest Triumph, 
the TR7 convertible. 

Its bold wedge shape cheats the wind at every turn. It 
handles the open road with competition-proven perform- 
ance. Response of the 2-liter overhead cam engine is 
instantaneous and the 5-speed transmission is precision 
itself. For those who prefer not to shift, a 3-speed auto- 
matic is optianal (not available in California). 

The EPA estimate with manual transmission is(19)mpg, 
with a highway mileage of 28 mpg. Remember the circled 
EPA estimate is for camparison; your mileage may vary 


depending on speed, weather, and trip length. California 
figures are lower, and your actual highway mileage will 
prabably be lower than the highway estimate. 

TR75 list of sports car features will warm any purist's 
heart: MacPherson struts. . .rack and pinion steering. . . 
front disc brakes. . .and wide steel-belted radials. Refine- 
ment af the TR7 has led to numerous changes, fram 
a modified cooling system to a new Triumph emblem. 
Triumph engineers even developed a unique front 
bumper for the convertible which helps filter out har- 
monic vibrations. 

The interior of the TR7 is designed around the serious 
driver, and is at once both functional and comfortable. 
Controls and instruments have been logically and conven- 
iently arranged for easier, more enjoyable driving. 

Attractive and uncomplicated, TR75 convertible top 
gives you unobstructed vision through the 3-piece 
rear window, Putting the top up or down is a simple 
one-person operation. 

Now, a true convertible sports car at an affordable 
price. From Canley, England, where 
Triumph craftsmen have harbored (46 Эз 
а passion for the open sports eri 
car for over 50 years, comes the К 
new TR7 convertible. "Mec 


G Jaguar Rover Triumph Inc. Leonia, N.J. 07605. For the name af your nearest Triumph dealer call: 800-447-4700: in Illinois call: 800-322-4400. 


32 


views: Among the hot fiction offer- 
P ings for fall are a new novel by Anne 
(Interview with a Vampire) Rice called 
The Feast of All Saints: a first novel by Susan 
Cheever (John’s daughter), Looking for 
Work; and Harold Robbins’ latest saga, 
this one about the American labor moye- 
ment, Memories of Another Day, all from Si- 
mon & Schuster. Viking Dalton 
‘Trumbo’s last work, Night of the Aurochs, 
a novel about a Nazi officer; and Farrar, 
Straus & Giroux is bringing out a new 
collection of Isaac Bashevis Singer short 
stories, Old Love. Another story collection, 
On the Edge of the Clif (Random House), 
coincides with author V. S. Pritchett's 
80th birthday. Jessamyn Wests The Life 
1 Really Lived (Harcourt Brace Jovanovich) 
is billed as a novel, but it’s also a confes- 
sional memoir; and John le Carré’s new 
espionage novel, Smiley's People (Knopf), 
gives the reader Smiley's final confronta- 
tion with Karla, his mortal enemy and op- 
posite number inside the Soviet Union. 

When it comes to nonfiction, the talk 
of lit-biz circles is The Brethren: The Supreme 
Court Under Chief Justice Warren E. Burger (Si- 
mon & Schuster), by Bob Woodward and 
Scott Armstrong; we suspect these two 
very competent investigators have found 
a “Deep Bench” who's ready and w 
10 talk, Harper & Row has scheduled two 
important works, Mao: A Biography, by 
Ross Terrill, and Moneypower: How to Prof- 
it from Inflation, by Ben Stein and his 
father, Herbert (former chairman of the 
President’s Council of Economic Advi- 
sors). Scheduled for November by Little, 
Brown is Norman Mailer's big hook on 
ry Gilmore, The Executioner's Song (we 
have it. too, in three installments, starting 
with this issue), Michael Korda's Charmed 
Lives, a memoir about his famous the: 
cal family, is coming from Random 
House, which will also be publishing 
Philip Johnson/John Burgee: Architecture, with 
text by Nory Miller, a major study of 
their own buildings. 

Is always best to end with a laugh, 
and we have опе in Playboy's Kliban 
(Wideview). a collection of the popular 
cartoonist's best from our pages. 

. 

In The Mangan Inheritance (Farrar, Straus 
& Giroux), Brian Moore gives us a novel 
about a writer who after his wife's death 
goes back to Ireland to trace his roots. 
The style of the book is lyrical at times, 
but the plot becomes predictable; the 
judgment here is that Moore grew too 
infatuated with himself and structured a 

ory too precious for this busy world. 

. 

Kurt Vonnegut’s Jailbird (Delacorte) is 
а mature, imaginative novel—possibly 
the best he has written. After a decade 
of indulgence, the man has delivered a 
gem. Walter Е. Starbuck, the narrator, is 


ing 


From Kliban, with love. 


rr 


What to look for at your 


Warbling Jailbird. 


one of the victims of Watergate—an 
lvisor on youth affairs in the Nixon 
White House who goes to jail for con- 
E the identity of the owner of a 
suitcase that contains some of Unde 
Sam's greenest. Starbuck spends his time 
in jail meditating on former loves, the 
role of Harvard men in American hi 
tory. early labor disputes, Sacco and Van- 
zeni, the McCarthy era, the state of the 
economy and a certain bit of doggerel 
about fatulence. Upon his release from 


prison, Starbuck runs into a woman who 
bears a passing resemblance to Howard 
Hughes Mary Kathleen O'Looney is 
the head of a vast conglomerate, the 
RAMJAC Corporation, which seems to 
own everything in America. (We were 
surprised to learn that rLaynoy is a 
RAMJAC magazine. Oh, well, as long as 
the payroll is met.) Vonnegut's glimpses 
of American business are wiser and mort 
amusing than the roman à clef construc 
tions of Harold Robbins; his creative use 
of history rivals Ed Doctorow’s Ragtime. 
Vonnegut at his best takes us places 
we've always wondered about—the cata- 
combs beneath Grand Central Station 
and the top floor of the Chrysler Build- 
ing, which houses. of all things, a harp 
company. Jailbird is a guided tour de 
force of America. Take it. 
. 

The title character of Michael Blod- 
gett’s novel Captain Blood (Stonehill) wants 
revenge on some L.A. dope dealers—and 
also wants to release his extraordinary 
sexual energy. He does both in a book 
that holds your attention like the howl 
of a wolf in the dark of the night. 

. 

Peter Maas once wrote a book about 
a policeman named Frank Serpico. Now, 
in his novel Made in America (Viking), 
Maas concentrates on another kind of 
person—a poor Irish kid from Manhat- 
tan who has turned into a middleaged 
dreamer. Richie Flynn is like a lot of us: 
He has visions of glory and he thinks he 
is smart enough to beat the system. He is 
also willing to go into debt to finance 
his scam—the conversion of empty build- 
ings into day-care centers under the guar- 
anteed sponsorship of New York City. 
Richie, the city doesn't know what 
its doing anymore,” one of Flynn's 
friends tells him. The friend is right, of 
course, but Flynn doesn't know what he's 
doing, either. He borrows the money he 
needs from a loan shark named king 
Kong Karpstein. That's only his first 
mistake, 

The strength of this novel lies not in 
its prose style or its philosophical stance 
but in its hard-nosed understanding of 
how a city works, who pays the piper, 
how Mafia bosses function, what ambi- 
tious Feder 
the FBI can bug you and not be found 
out, how real-estate deals play into the 
hands of bureaucrats and banks. and 
what the chase for the Almighty Dollar 
can do to a typical American male in 
these days of inflation. Maas's writing is 
sometimes awkward but the picture he 
paints is never inaccurate. He knows his 
territory, and in choosing a limited ruse 
as practiced in a special city, he some- 
how creates a very modern novel about 
our primitive society. 


1 prosecutors are after, how 


If you have ever taken a lux- 
ury sports car through a tight 
turn, you know the feeling. 
It's the sense of supreme pre- 
cision with which this trim, 
compact camera proclaims 
its Nikon heritage. A feeling 
that is borne out by the pro- 
fessional quality pictures 

the Nikon FE delivers with 
automatic ease. And one 
that, unlike other fine things 
in life, is readily affordable. 


With the Nikon FE, you can 
simply focus and shoot... 

- andrely on its Nikon elec- 
tronics to give you sharp, 
magnificently exposed 
photographs, automatically. 
Or, switch to manual opera- 
tion and enjoy complete 
creative control over every 
exposure, more easily than 
you ever thought possible. 


Above all, this is a camera 
that makes no compromise 
inits supreme Nikon quality. 
Stroke the advance lever, 
and feel the smoothness of 
precision gearing machined 
to microscopic tolerances. 
Press the exposure button, 
and hear the shutter respond 
with hushed precision. Look 
through the bright, silver- 
coated viewfinder, and see 
your picture snap into sharp 
focus with a fingertip touch. 


Know, too, that the world's 
Greatest photographic sys- 
tem stands behind your 
Nikon FE. Add the dynamic 
firepower of motor drive, at 
up to 5.5 shots a second. 
Banish darkness with the in- 
genious automatic thyristor 
flash. Explore new perspec- 
tives through more than 60 
Nikkor lenses, the same 
superb optics chosen by 
most professionals for their 
sharpness and color fidelity. 
For the purist: 
The Nikon FM 
For those who prefer only 
manual exposure control, the 
Nikon FM offers the reliable 
guidance of one-step elec- 
tronic metering. It's as com- 
pact and precisely responsive 
as the FE and costs even less. 
At your Nikon dealer. 
Nikon Inc., Garden City, New York 11530. 
In Canada: Nikon Canada, Inc, 
©Nikon Inc. 1979 


Experience . 
a sense of perfection. 


The Nikon FE. 


33 


We climbed bove the clouds - 


- on Hawaii's “Volcano Island” 


to hide; a case 


S 


oí Canadian PR 


кш win à Hawaiian vaca 


atch out for Pele,” the islanders warned 
us of their bad-tempered goddess. We'd 
come to the Volcano Island of Hawaii, 
where Peles tantrums can send torrents of 
lava skyward, tohide a case of C.C® 
Lava hot enough to boil water. 
“Want to see what Pele can do when shes 
angry?" friends asked. We did, so with our 
С.С. on a pack frame, we went searching 
for a hiding place on one of Hawaii's 
newest lava flows. The river of lava had 
been cooling for two full years, yet the heat 


of Peles anger rose up hot enough to boil 
waterin places. 

The beach looked like shining coal. 
Later, we cooled off while searching an 
other of P works. In a dark temper, the 
fire goddess had sent black lava coursing 
into the sea. But the surf had pounded it 
into a fine, coal-black sand to create one 
of the world’s most beautiful beache 

Climbing up to one of Hawaiis 
strangest sights. 
Finally we packed our С.С. up 13,796-foot- 
high Mauna Kea volcano. A surprise 
awaited us at the peak. Snow! A sight we 
led in Hawaii! Along our trail 
up Mauna Kea, we buried a surprise for 
you, Ihe case of Canadian Club. One clue: 
you don't need to reach the top of the 
worlds highest island volcano (you won't 
even need to enter the state park) to find 
the world's finest tasting whisky. Be care- 
ful though, Pele thinks that C.C. is hers. 


Search for the Hawaii 

Would you like tosearch for the С.С. on 
a special Hawaiian adventure vaca- 
lion? Then stop down to your partici- 
pating package store and pick up your 
entry for Canadian Clubs “С.С. Hawaii” 
Sweepstakes,” or dial 80C 216, toll 
free, for details. (In Hawaii and Alaska 

call 800-223-1850 and in New York, call 

888-0766.) There's no purchase nec 

essary Nevertheless, you might want 
to pick up your offering t » while 
you're there: just say, `„ please.” 


Мой in Ohio, Texas, Penn. or wherever prohibited by law 


“The Best In The House” in 87 lands. 


(€ 1975 - 6 YEARS OLD. INPDRTED IN BOTTLE FROM CANADA BY HIRAM WALKER IMPORTERS INC. DETROIT, MICH 
PROOF. BLENDED CANADIAN WHISKY, 


36 


TELEVISION 


ound and round we go, in smaller 
R and smaller circles. First there were 
films about film stars (such bombs as 
Gable and Lombard), then a plethora of 
"EV "docudramas" about contemporary 
people and events (Ike and Blind Ambi- 
tion) and, finally—full turn—a television 
movie about a television sitcom star who 
committed suicide just two years ago. Cen 
You Hear the Laughter? which traces the 
short, unhappy life of comedian Freddie 
Prinze, is a valiant attempt to tell some 
painful truths about sudden success, drugs 
and Hollywood as they affected a talented. 
young man. The film, which will be 
aired by CBS in the fall, has some 
affecting moments, but a successful com- 
bination of realistic drama, physical re- 
semblance and accurate impersonation 
may be too much to ask of алу film—let 
alone one produced under the limitations 
of TV. 

Laughter is based on an award-winning 
article published in this magazine in 
June 1977 (though Playboy has no in- 
volvement in the film version). ‘The 
author, Peter S. Greenberg, decided to 
produce the movie himself, and although. 
it lacks some of the grit and hard edge of 
his original reporting, the movie comes 
closer than most television fare in depict- 


ing how Hollywood —and the tube—can 


devour its own young. Ira Angustain, a 
regular on CBS’ White Shadow 
part of Freddie, and the phys 
blance is uncanny: ‘There are times when 
you swear some old TV tapes of Prinze 
have been slipped in. (They weren't. The 
entire set of Chico and the Man was r 
constructed for the movie) Angustain 
does а creditable job in the later scenes, 
when Prinze's self-destructive urges begin 
to mount, but he is green and awkward 
in many early portions, where he needs 
the support of his able fellow cast mem- 
bers. These include Kevin Hooks, who 
уз Freddie's black pal from New York, 
nd Randee Heller (from Soap), in a 
scenestealing performance as Freddic’s 
long-suffering secretary. The movie's ma 
jor flaw is in its recreation of Prinze's 
stand-up-comedy routines: As any come- 
dian will attest, it’s all in the timing and 
delivery, and Freddie's famous lines 
emerge flit and unfunny from An- 
gustain’s mouth. Still, it's definitely 
worth tuning into CBS to see what was 
happening to Chico behind the scenes— 
especially since Chico may still be m: 
ing you laugh on reruns elsewhere on 
your dial. (For TV buffs, опе more spin 
of the circle: The man who portrays 
actor Jack Albertson in the Chico scenes 
is Fred Carney, brother of The Honey- 
mooners! Art Carney.) 
. 

Every September, alter a pregnant sum- 

mer of puffery and promise, the major 


Prinze clone Ira Angustain. 


Fall network picks: a tragedy 
revisited, amyth recycled 
and some super pop science. 


Vampire's Kathryn Harrold, Richard Lynch. 


James Burke makes Connections. 


networks start premiering their new 
season's progeny—an inbred bunch of 
weekly series that sound a lot like kissin’ 
cousins of the packaged product we 
studied for signs of life the same time 
last year. Specials like the Prinze story— 
and the, as usual, excellent offerings from 
PBS, which this year intends to act like 
a real network and schedule many of its 
prime-time programs on the same nights 
across the nation—may provide the best 
viewing opportunities again this season. 

The hotshots at ABC plan to offer 
such specials as 5.0.5. Tironic (David Jans- 
sen as John Jacob Astor at the top of 
an allstar cast) and Valentine (Mary 
Martin and Ja Albertson co-starred in 
a romantic comedy about a couple of 
septuagenarians) Ushering in the first 
chill of September is Vampire. In this two- 
hour TV movie, a low-key suspense 
drama, Jason Miller plays a brooding 
modern architect who enlists the help of 
a retired police officer (E. G. Marshall) 
to avenge his wife's death. Richard Lynch 
plays Voytek, the bloodthirsty billion- 
aire recluse, as if his transfusions were a 
privilege taken for granted by the rich. 

. 

Over at PBS, the class acts are warm- 
ing up again. The initial offering on 
Masterpiece Theatre will be Jcan-Paul 
Sartre's Kean, to air two successive Sundays 
in mid-September. Anthony Hopkins 
plays the great 19th Century Shake- 
spearean actor Edmund Kean, reputed to 
have had "2000 mistresses.” What Sartre 
wrote (in French, originally) was neither 
a biography nor a sex comedy but a 
poetic tour de force about a man whose 
entire life was an illusion. The perform- 
ance by Hopkins is the whole show, and 
never less than devastating. 

Following Kean, Masterpicce Theatre 
will spend the next 12 weeks on Love for 
Lydia, a thoroughly English romance based 
on the novel by H. E. Bates. Mel Martin 
stars as Lydia in this atmospheric period 
piece, which ought to provide a fix for 
Anglophiles nurtured on PBS imports. 

. 

Jot down the starting date of Соппес- 
tions (PBS, Sunday, September 80), an 
enthralling ten-week series that ranks a 
the most informative and enlightened 
TV event since Kenneth Clark's Civilisa- 

i у host, narrator and author 
of Gonnections is James Burke, an eru- 
dite snoop and raconteur who travels 
around the world, forward and backward 
in time. Shortly after noting in the first 
episode, "The Trigger Effect,” that some- 
thing done by a doctor at the 16th Cen- 
tury court of Elizabeth I made television 
watching possible, Burke guides his audi- 
ence into “the technology trap” and New 
York’s 1965 power blackout. In episode 


PLAYBOY 


two, “Death in the Morning,” he skips 
purposefully from Ptolemy's star tables to 
Germany's V-2 rockets and а modern 
Munich beer festival without dropping a 
stitch in his over-all design. In episode 
eight, tided "Eat, Drink and Be Mer 
v," Burke declares that "Charles the 
Bold of Burgundy, in 1470, set off a 
series of events that were to end, 500 
years later, with a landing on the moon." 
Before he's done, he has introduced the 
inventor of canned food and cited an 


bsolutely awful” recipe for chicken 
runs its 


marengo. Belore 
Tull course (with repcat 
Wednesday evenings in most locales), the 
dryly professorial Bun 
par excellence, is apt to become a media 
superstar. 


Connections 


P 

Meanwhile, back on the weekly series 
schedule, there's bound to be a hit or 
two among the 20-odd fall contenders. 
though only time and the publics u 
predictable taste (or lack of it) will tell 
which. 

Judged by a sneak preview, there's 
smidgen of promise in ABC's Nobody's 
Ренеа, with England's Ron Moody (he 
played п in Oliver! on stage and 
screen) as a bungling Scotland Yard man 
who comes over as part of a foreign- 
exchange program, and in the Thin 
Manish high-jinks of Har to Hert, co 
staming Robert Wagner and Stefanie 
Powers as a rich, beautiful couple who 
appear to be turned on by danger. 

NBC has bet some big money on 
From Here to Eternity: the War Years, à weck- 
ly series that picks up where last season's 
highly successful miniseries left off, with 
William Devane, Roy Thinnes and beau- 
tiful Kim Basinger back in their original 
roles. Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, star- 
ring Gil Gerard, is a continuation on the 
tube of the outerspace fantasy that's 
already been introduced as а high-gross- 
ing summer movie. 

Still with us? CBS will offer a broad 
mixture of series programing. Trapper 
John, M.D. is its doctor show, with Pernell 


Roberts as the legendary M*A*S*H 
medico, in private prac 


c 28 years after 
Korea. Jim Belushi and Michael Keaton, 
in Working Sriffs, wy for upward mobility 
as a couple of inept janitors; while 
J rl Jones covers the LA. police 
beat as Pers, a captain of detectives. 
CBS tries to rekindle some old black 
magic in Struck by Lightning, an updated 
comic spin-off of a dassic thriller, with 
Jeffrey Kramer as Dr. Frankenstein's 
greatgreat-grandson, and Jack Elam as 
the monster he inherits along wi 
decrepit inn. 

If you find something here to your 
liking, tune in soon, The way networks 
have been lopping olf series lately, your 
show may be gone by next month. 


mes 


DINING & DRINKING 


n evening at La 
Folie (21 East 
GIst Street) brings 


immediate re- 
sults,” 


confides a 
anhattan 
of our 
He didn't 
elaborate on what 
kind of results he 
meant, but if 
you're partial to 
fresh sturgeon си 
iar at bargain 
rates, truly dis- 
tinctive fare and 
berserk disco—all 
under one splen- 
diferous roof— 
then an evening at 
La Folie will be 
sufficient reward. 

The place was 
created by George 
Lang, aided Ьу 
teams of showbiz 
decorators work- 
ing on an unlimit- 
ed budget—which 
they obviously ex- 
ceeded, La Folie is 


Nothing's fishy about La 
Folie: affordable caviar 
and classy disco. 


In an environ- 
ment of such con- 
spicuous glitter, 
you'd expect the 
fare to be second- 
ary. Au contraire. 
Chef Bernard Nor- 
get. lured from 
London's noted 
Connaught Hotel, 
has brought the 
standards of that 
estimable house 
with him. You 
моп find the 
usual laundry list 
of choices—which 
is all to the good. 
A dozen main-dish 
selections, plus a 
daily special, offer 
patrons ample va- 
riety, yet allow the 
kitchen to concen- 
trate on the fine 
details of a dish. 
Among the regu- 
lar entrees, Le 
Confit de Canard, 
a savory dish, is 
unusual on local 


ation of 

, high camp and early enfant 

terrible that somehow works because of 

the wit, ebullience and good will it 

projects. 
With у 


icgated marble floors, green 
malachite walls, shimmering mirrors and 
stained-glass windows, La Folie does not 
lack for dazzle. This heavy stuff is leay- 
ened by such tongue-in-check effects as 
the lushly lashed orbs peering up from 
the bowls the ladies’ room. This cye 
does not twinkle, according to our female 
spies, but the mind that conceived it 
surely must, The gentlemen's john is 
ilarly bedizened. You can nestle in the 
palm of a giant silver hand to adjust 
your toupee or make a phone call. Mir 
rors line the ceiling and just below are 
gleaming outlines of male genitalia . . . 
a sort of neon graffiti 

La Folie is a come-carly, stay-late spot. 
Make your first stop (any time after 4 
р.м.) the Caviar Bar. It’s a smashing 
concept: four varieties of caviar, with all 
appropriate trimmings, including hot 
blini, served from an elegant white-mar- 
ble bar. Prices are smashing, too—less 
than you'd pay in a retail shop. Iranian 
Beluga, Osetra and Sevruga are, respec- 
tively, $16.50, $14.50 and $12.50 per о 
ounce portion; that's with garnitures. To 
chase the caviar, La Folie presents a 
variety of imported yodkas, includ 
fragrant Zubrówka at $3 per serving 
nonvintage Lanson brut champagne at 
$25 a bottle. 


menus. It's duck- 
ling marinated in mixed spices, cooked 
and preserved in its own juices. A treat, 


albeit a mite salty. Veal Madison is 
plume de veau in а zesty sauce—mush- 
rooms, slivers of ham and tongue, scented 
with truffles and laced with madeira. 
Fillet of striped bass is another winner; 
moist and delicate, napped with a tart, 
sorrelflecked cream sauce, And И you 
dig quenelles, this is the place, The 
mousse of pike is totally enchanting. 
Daily specials include sweetbreads in рше 
paste, galantine of chicken with morels, 
cóte de bocuj—served for two—and, with 
luck, lobster soufllé; a hefty tiree-pound 
critter, flambéed in Armagnac, anointed 
with sauce américaine and served en 
carapace. Is pricy: à la carte, and 
worth it! 

La Folie's homemade ice creams are 
very good and the fresh-fruit sherbets, 
particularly peach, pear and kiwi, ex- 
quisite and handsomely presented in 
nutty cookie shells. 

Part of the dining ar to 
disco at 11 P.M., and it’s not your usual 


conven 


hustle. The exhibitionists are abs 
Nondiners pay а $5 cover charge. Din 


is from 6 р.м. to midnight, and dancing 
to 3 am. There's а special 515 prethe- 
ater dinner from 6 to 7:30 r.m. Monday 
through Saturday, Closed Sunday. All 
ijor credit cards are accepted. Reser- 
vations are recommended (212-765-1400). 


and it's fabulous 
on the rocks alone. 


It's great with 


gin or vodka... 


3 ‘True martini experts know how ТФ 
^ Martini & Rossi Dry flatters the flavor 99) 
3 of the martini cocktail. But for 
the most rewarding of light delights, 
pour this remarkable wine on the 
rocks by itself. The surprise, 
of course, is the flavor... 
» totally refreshing, uniquely its own. — 
t But the pleasure is l 
entirely yours. | 9) 


Say “yes” to 
the right one. 


| MARTINI & ROSSI | 


Does your television automatically 
capture all these shades of Jupiter? 


Ours can. 


RCA introduces ColorTrak 1980. 


With 8 color systems designed to automatically 
lock even subtle shades of color on track. 


Getting the color right 
means more than reproducing 
vivid reds, bright blues and 
brilliant yellows. 

On ColorTrak 1980. 8 differ- 
ent color systems are designed 
to work together to give you not 
just the right color, but the right 
shades of color. automatically. 
So you'll be seeing them in all 
their intensity. all their subtlety 

Twenty-seven different de- 
signs, from table models to 
magnificent pieces of furniture, 
all meant to give you one thing. 


Color That's 
Consistently Right. 


Automatic Color 
CR Control electron- 
| 2 кт ically monitors 
A and adjusts color, 
TEENER for consistency 
сооксомно. from program to 
program, channel to channel. If 
the President addresses the 
nation while wearing a dark 
blue suit on channel 4, you 
shouldn't see a light blue suit 
on channel 7 or a greyish-blue 
on channel 2. 


Automatic Flesh- 
tone Correction 
adjusts flesh- 
tones so they'll 
remain natural 
and consistently 
lifelike. It prevents strong colors 
like greens and reds from over- 
powering the more delicate 
fleshtones. 


AUTOMATIC FLESHTONE 
CORRECTION 


Brightness Monitored 
Day and Night. 
Raising the 
shades or turn- 
ing on the lights 
shouldn't require 
you to also adjust 
your television. 
The Automatic Light Sensor 
will keep trackof changing light 


AUTOMATIC. 
LIGHT SENSOR 


Slriulated picture: The Contura. 
(Соозд5н} One uf 27 designs available. 


levels in your room and auto- 
matically make adjustments on 
the brightness level to keep 
colors rich and vivid. 


TV, The Accufilter 


Picture Tube ex- 
ists for the same 
reason you wear 
mE sunglasses on a 
PICTURE TUBE bright, hazy day. 
By absorbing reflecting room 
light, it cuts down glare on the 
screen. Automatically. 


Crisp Detail, Even in 
High-Contrast Colors. 
Our Blacklock Contrast 

Circuit is designed to maintain 
picture detail in high-contrast 
situations. Take the typical 
autumn football game, where 
there's a strong contrast be- 


tween the sunny 
and the shaded ZB 
portions of the Wu 39 


field. How many 
times have you 

о gn се 
it was punted out of the sun- 
light into the shadows? 

And what about the re- 
verse? When the punt return 
man came out of the shade into 
the sunlight? Did you lose 
detail on his white shirt? 

There are two causes. One 
is signal variation, which you 
can control simply by owninga 
ColorTrak, with its Blacklock 


Contrast Circuit.The other in- 
volves faulty camera work. 
which would be the fault of the 
station, not your set. 


Furthermore, 


when you adjust. 
= the contrast. our 
Automatic Con- 


meee MEER Color Tı rack- 

color TRACKING ing will adjust 
and balance the color and 
brightness for you. 


So Accurate, There's 
No Fine Tuning. 

Remember 
when you had 
to fine tune your 
television? Our 
quartz crystal 
ChanneLock 
Tuner is so accurate, you'll 
never have to fine tune a chan- 
nel again. Never. It's already 
been done. Automatically. 
Finally, the 


i energy-efficient 
XtendedLife 
LM Chassis offers an 
advanced power 
supply teamed up 
with voltage regulators to help 
stabilize color. Again auto- 


matically. 


CHANNELOCK 
TUNING 


XTENDEDLIFE 
CHASSIS. 


All That Remains Is for 
_You to Convince Yourself. 


See your RCA Dealer. Expe- 
rience ColorTrak 1980. A picture 
unsurpassed in RCA color tele- 
vision history. Compare its abil- 
ity to capture colors in all their 
intensity, all their subtlety, with 
your present color television. 
We think thedecision you make 
will be...automatic. 


пел «o 


RCA is making television better and better 


COLORTRAK 


For the complete line of Colorfrak models. write: RCA Consumer Electronics, Dept, 27 212G,600 North Sherman Dr. Indianapolis. Ind. 46201 


PLAYBOY 


42 


Leland, USA, 1979 


Triumph. Only 3 mg. tar. 
And a taste good 
enough to stay with. 


Read how new FlavorIntensified Triumph 
gives you surprisingly satisfying taste 
at only 3 mg. tar...one of the lowest 
tar levels in cigarettes. 


Triumph. The first and only cigarette that delivers 


good taste with only 3 mg. tar. 

If you've ever been disappointed 
by one of the very low tar ciga- 
rettes, you will understand why 


Triumph is quite an achievement. Em 


Even the draw is a surprise. 
The smoke comes through 

abundantly. The taste reaches 
you smoothly. Effortlessly. With 
none of the struggle you тау 
have experienced in other very 
low tar brands. You don't have to 
pull—you just puff on Triumph. 


No gimmicks, no miracles. 

No less remarkable than 
Triumph itself, is the technology 
that enabled us to build it. 

The crux of it: Instead of 
searching for some yet unimag- 
ined answer, Lorillard scientists 
took a more sensible tack. 


Why not, they said, take everything we've learned 
about cigarettes, and push that technology farther 
than we've ever pushed it before. 

Delivering taste, limiting tar. 
We found, for example, that combining two types of 


filter fiber produces the best 
combination of taste and draw. 

That tiny “vents” in the filter- 
rim smooth the taste. 

That lower-leaf tobaccos 
(shaded from the heat of the sun) 
tend to be milder and lower in tar 
than those at the top of the plant. 

In short, everything we could 
find that might intensify flavor at 
З mg. tar, was built into Triumph. 


Taste you won't get tired of. 
What it all comes down to is 
this: Triumph is not one of those 
ultra low tars that spoil your 
pleasure by short-changing you 
on taste. 
Triumph, at only 3 mg. tar, 
is acigarette with a taste you 
can stay with. So good, we 
believe you ll never want to go 
back to your old cigarette. 


TRIUMPH. 


One of the lowest tar cigarettes you can smoke. 
The one with taste enough to stay with. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


Regular and Menthol: 3 mg."ter,"0.4 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC Method. 


MUSIC 


ABY, LET ME DRIVE YOUR CAR: 

Our Hot Wax Award for cover art 
beyond the call of duty goes to our very 
own Alberto Vargas for Candy-O (Elek- 
tra), by last year's overnight sensation, 
The Cors. The vinyl’s not as hot as the 
group's double-platinum debut, but it's 
good new rock. 


SAY IT AIN'T SO, JOE: Joe Jackson is 
а natty English rocker and social com- 
mentator who frets a lot about things 
like “pretty women out walking with 
gorillas down my street.” He wears broad- 
striped jackeis with polka-dot ties and 
distinctive pointed shocs. 

He calls his music spiv rock. А spiv, he 
explains, is a “shady character who avoids 
honest work.” Joe's first album is “Look 
Sharp” (A&M), and he does. A mere 
youth, he is already one of history's two 
‘most famous Joe Jacksons. We asked him 
about the other one. 

PLAYBOY: Joe Jackson, like Joe Jackson 
the baseball player. 

Jackson: Who? 

PLAYBOY: Joe Jackson of the Chicago 


White Sox. He holds the American 

League record for most triples in a sea- 

son—26. 

JAckson: What are triples? 

praysoy: He has the third-highest bat- 

ting average of all time, .356, but isn’t in 

the Hall of Fame. 

JACKSON: I don't know about that. I 

play cricket. 

PLAYBOY: He helped throw the 1919 

world series. The Black Sox scandal, 

remember? 

JACKSON: Sorry, never heard of it. I don't 

know baseball. I'm a musician. 

ргАүвоү: He was called Shoeles Joe 

Jackson. 

JACKSON: I doubt we're related. I'm wear- 

ing shoes. 

rLAvsOY: Yes, and they're real spiffy. 
—PETER GAMBACCI NI 


KN U RD THS? The poster above 
has been on one of our editors’ 
walls—no names, please—for five 
years or so. In that time, no one, no 
matter in what condition, has been 
able to read the fucking thing. Not 
even Hunter Thompson. This is seri- 
ous illcgibility we're talking about. It's 
a real tribute to acid art, but we don't 
know what it says, either. One line 
seems to be ALLMANJOYSSOMETHING, 
and we argue about whether part of 
another is NEWYEARS ОГ DENVER. [t's 
definitely announcing a concert star- 
ring someone, somewhere, sometime. 
Responsible guesses should be sent to. 
Nostalgia Quiz, care of the Music 
Editor. We'll give the winner a Big 
Brother album and Owsley's address 
or something. 


HAIL TO THE DUKE: 
Big John may have 
moseyed off into the 
big sunset, but single 
records eulogizing 
him linger оп—буеҝ 


include 
The Duke 
by Dean Charles, Pig 
Duke—the Man by 
Debbie Ettell, A Salute to the Duke by 
Paul Ott, The Super Cowboy by Wayne 
Jered and God Bless John Wayne by the 
Kimberlys. So you listen up and listen 


tight, hear? 
\ : 
WMA 

i |l 5 

This bulletin just in [J 
from Neva Friedenn, | i 
our postbebop watcher 
in L.A.: 

Serious culture is des- 
tined ro arrive on the 
California Coast, even if 
by surfboard. This may 
be a groundless faith, 
but it's been as simple and comforting 
for me as a dumb hobby. It's also why, 
ever hopeful, I dropped off Pacific Coast 
Highway at Pasquale's Malibu jazz boite 
the other night—and was stonestymied 
to find Mr. Alto Madness, alias Richie 
Cole, up to his new tricks. 

Yd heard Cole with the late Eddie 
Jefferson and found that those two gen- 
erated a relentless joy. This time out, 
сусп impromptu onstage turns by the 
sophisticated Manhattan Transfer did 
little to calm the oddly populous mid- 
week audience. The prognosis for snob 
art grew dire as I watched: On all sides, 
ordinarily sensible adults were helplessly 
corrupted by the dollops of humor flung 
from young Richie's horn. 

Since breakneck articulation is Cole's 
homage to former teacher Phil Woods 
and the Berklee s College of Music, I had. 


LT] 


M 
мо 


PLAYBOY 


44 


to speed up my ears to catch the com- 
plicated lines of Parker, fleeting intona- 
tions of Diz, wily goofiness of Monk. 
These elements are at play with melodies 
inspired by the altoist's beloved Tren- 
ton, New Jersey, home town; I'm certain 
I picked up the rhythm of swing shift at 
the foundry and the blues of bottom of 
the pot at the diner. But I'm no longer 
sure the mix is inelegant. When I'm 
looking for elevation, I'll go for the high 
kicks of Cole's latest release, Keeper of 
the Flame (Muse). The boy is irredeem- 
ably buoyant, and although he freely 

Imits his grandest aspiration is a Gong 


as culture needs to get; this is 
sunshine bebop that Richie Cole is blow- 
ing right in the face of the intermittently 
blasé, sometimes strutting and fretful art 
of jazz improvisation. 

° 

Down Texas way, girls melt like but- 
ter over hot-from-the-oven, home-baked 
at the sound of honky-tonk music. 
When Delbert McClinton stands center stage 
at the Soap Creek Saloon in Austin, the 
club fills carly with local University of 
Texas coeds, dressed in jeans stitched 
tighter than horsehide on a hardball. To 
them, Delbert is everything a man should 
be, and then some. Flanked by the hot- 
test dance band all of Texas, he wails 
on vocals and howls on mouth harp, 
swaying his hips just right and smiling 
boyishly on the roomful of bodies he's 
driven into a full-throtiled, rhythmic 
frenzy—an audience of females so totally 
devoted he could have sold them the next. 
day at a slave auction. 

But, like it or not, Delbert is destined 
to move out of those bars. Simply put, 
McClinton may be the best white R&B/ 
rock-n'xoller in the world, and given the 
events of the past 18 months, his overdue 
recognition seems inevitable. 

McClinton turned the corner last year 
when he signed with Capricorn Records 
(a label that cares about him) and re- 
leased his sixth album, Second Wind. 
Тһе tille accurately describes what the 
record did for him: It provided part of 
the inspiration for The Blues Brothers, 
who recorded Delber's B Movie and 
then invited him to appear on Saturday 
Night Live last February. Suddenly, the 
likes of Kris Kristofferson, Elvis Costello, 
Tom Jones, Emmylou Harris, Doc 
Pomus and Jimmy Buffett were show- 
ing up at his gigs in New York and L.A. 
Alter going virtually unnoticed for over 
two decades, Delbert is hot. Very hot. 

Born 38 ycars ago in Lubbock, Texas, 
Delbert grew up in Fort Worth and be- 
gan his career at 17. In 1960, he made his 
recording debut with Wake Up Baby, 
which became the first record by a white 
singer to be played on KNOK, Fort 
Worth’s black R&B station. By then, 
he was already the most highly regarded 


harmonica player in the area. Two years 
later, when his harp helped make Bruce 
Channel's Hey! Baby an international 
hit, he toured the U.S. and England 
with Channel. During the Sixties, Me 
Clinton fronted a half-dozen bands, re- 
corded for as many labels, but mostly 


Delbert's onward and upward. 


played backup for such legends as Howl 
in’ Wolf, Lightnin’ Hopkins, Jimmy 
Reed, Joe Tex, Big Joe Turner and 
Junior Parker. 

In 1972, Delbert split for California, 
with this gal who just got a divorce 
and had some mad money. I went out 
there on her money and her car—neither 
one lasted very long.” But in LA, he 
nd Glen Clark recorded two commer- 
Шу unsuccessful albums, now regard- 
ed as progressive-country landmarks, In 
775, McClinton signed as a solo artist 
with ABC Records and made three 
modest-selling albums in three years. 

I caught up with McClinton in Los 
Angeles, where he was recording his new 
album, Keeper of the Flame. After the 


niscences of pegged pants and bust- 
rs; pimps, whores and strippers; 
gun fights, puking on mikes and waking 
up in the jailhouse. In other words, tales 
of tried-and-true friendship. 
мс CLINTON: Years ago, Bill went home 
with this pimp's gal one night. He—the 
pimp—was supposed to be outa town. 
Well, sure enough, he came home carry- 
in’ a shotgun behind his back and 
passed Bill on his way out... . The 
next day, I saw this guy, the pimp. 1 
noticed right off he was straight, which 
unusual. He said, "Where's that 
er of yours?” I said, "He went 
home.” He said, “I'm gonna break his 
fuckin’ fingers." 1 said, “What!” And 
he ran it all down to me. We got off at 
five in the morning and I spent the 
entire fuckin’ day contacting the under- 
world all over town, to save Bill's life. 


was 
guitar p 


SANDERS: We laugh about it now, but it 
was serious business. This guy was some- 
body who would shoot you, I didn't 
know who this gal w it, she was 
just some old dirtyleg laying over there 
I knew I was in trouble the next night 
when I went to leave and my coat was 
cut to shreds. 

PLAYBOY: Someone recently called you 
the "best white nigger singer in Texas." 
MC CLINTON: Well, I'm the oldest. 
[Laughs] No, really, that's great. It's a 
good title. 

PLAYBOY: Who were some of your early 
influences? 

MC CLINTON: When I was a kid living in 
Lubbock, it was nothing but country 
music—Lefty Frizzell, Hank Williams 
Hank Snow. From that to Elvis, Chuck 
Berry, Carl Perkins, Jerry Lee Lewis, 
all of them monsters at the time. I draw 
all my influences from the first two or 
three years we played, from Jimmy 
Reed, Bobby Bland, and so on. Last 
night, I was listening to my old tapes, 
looking for a song for the new album, 
and I said, “Goddamn, I can't help 
it, the old ones are just better." I'm not 
g I'm right and the world’s wrong, 


I just wanna create what inspired me in 
the first place, because it still moves me. 


PLAYBOY: That explains why your new 
album, like your last two, mixes original 
material with fresh interpretations of 
old R&B tunes. 
MC CLINTON: What I'm trying to do has 
an urgency down inside me, and I feel 
it’s important. Black music has just 
about gotten Jost. I think that the way 
I'm trying to do the old songs is as good 
a way as there is. Do “em like they're new 
songs, Do ‘em without trying to copy the 
old arrangements. A lot of people have 
the attitude of, Got to have new songs. 
There is no such thing as a new song. 
The only thing new is interpretation 
PLAYBOY: The Blues Brothers album, 
which is your style of music, is a plati. 
num seller twice over. Do you think you 
have a chance to see that kind of success? 
MC CLINTON: I hope so, but I've been 
thinkin’ that since I was 17. Only, if I'd 
had it then, Fda been dead seven or 
eight years by now. [Laughs] But we do 
feel hopeful Seems like we're on the 
verge of something, because today's mu- 
sic can't go any further. It’s too shallow. 
I mean, I like the sound of a guitar 
player who makes that sound come out 
with his fingers, not with seven. boxes 
hes got on the floor, A motherfucker 
who can make it fuzz without a fuzz tone 
is a guitar-playin’ motherfucker. That's 
real—coming straight outa your blood 
stream into the strings and out the amp. 
тгАүвоү: We saw the extension of that 
philosophy in the studio ronighi 
watched you record the rhythm and vo- 
cal tracks on the same take. At this rate, 
you'll finish the album in a week. 
MCCLINTON: I believe in making two or 
three albums a night. [Laughs] I like 


we 


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PLAYBOY 


46 


the clement of human flaw in it. Not 
just plain fucked up. but 1 don't mind 
hearin’ а flaw. I can't understand why in 
the world it would take a year and a 
half to make a record! 

I think a lot of people can't relate to 
my music because, maybe, it's so much 
more real than anything else around. I 
leaving something when 


I guess maybe it is, but I'll be god- 
damned if | don't think it’s wue. I've 
written а lot of songs Im real proud of, 
and that there is a lot of satisfaction. 
Whether I ever make a goddamn nickel 
or not. — JUDSON KLINGER 


REVIEWS 


Isn't there anything left to believe in? 
Not even Kiss? Our favorite killer metal 
space creatures? A last secure bastion of 
teenage barbarism? You'd think at least 
would be among the last holdouts, 
continu to carry unwaveringly the 
loud, brutish banner of Dinosaur Rock. 
But no. Most of Kiss’s new Dynasty (Casa 
blanca) is old Marshall Amps vs. Godzilla 
stuff, the best a version of the Stones’ 
2000 Man. But sadly, reptile 5, Ki 
has joined the stampede for disco dollars 
with not one but two disco tracks here. 
105 almost enough to make us in the 
Kiss my come down and defect. Is 
nothing sacred? 


. 

The flavor of Jimmy Buffett has always 
been a light blend of counuy, soft rock, 
whiskey humor and Caribbean sea sto- 


ries. In Volcano (МСА). he has made the 
transition from pedal steel to steel 
drums. With his tight Coral Reefer 


Band—ace sidemen Mike Utley and Rus- 
sell Kunkel, island musicians on home- 
made instruments and half a family of 
Taylors—Buffett has made an album full 
of potential hit singles and the best of 
what has carried his wide appeal. And 
the raucous showman is, indeed, capable 
of a prety song: Both Sending the Old 
Man Home, a World War Two short 
story, and Survive are goose bumpers. 


SHORT CUTS 


Gerry Rofferty / Night Owl (United Art- 
ists); The moody Baker Street man is 
back with nothing to give a hoot about 

Dr. Strut (Motown): Instrumental soul- 
jazz with echoes of the Crusaders, Eddie 
Harris and Stecly Dan; it's in the pocket. 
Fats Waller / Fine Arabion Stuff (Deluxe): 
азу singing and playing prove thar fat 
men do haye more fun, 

The Mind of Gil Scott-Heron (Arista): He's 
a poet, he's a picker and he's damn good, 
too. 

Art Ensemble of 


Chicago / Nice Guys 
(ECM): High s and high silli- 
ness combined to make great mus 

David Bowie / Lodger (RCA): Not in our 
boardinghouse! 


FAST TRACKS 


8 


AND NOW HEEERE'S ROBER 


Comic Robert Klein turns into the Johnny Carson of 
the airwaves for an hour every week on his syndicated (to 250 FM stations) radio 
show, The Robert Klein Hour. He talks to musicians and, surpi 
lot of them talk back. These two gentlemen pictured here don't talk much, but 
they do paint by numbers. If Carson can play straight man to a couple of vi: 
tiger cubs from the San Diego Zoo, Klein can do as much with a couple of Kiss. 


ingly enough, a 


ng 


EWSBREAKS: Talk about rising ex- 
Nia ions—we hear the latest Paul 
McCormey and Wings album, released 
Tast summer, had to sell over 5,000,000 
copies before CBS Records 
make any money on il. McC: 
new contract stipulates that he 
large share of early proceeds. We're 
not too worried about CBS—Paul is 
the ex-Fab Fours main money-mak- 
er. ... Rolling Sione's new magazine 
med at college students, Rolling 
Stone's College Extra, is being edited 
by Jenn Wenner's sister Kote. Other news 
from Rolling Stone: A TV pilot tenta- 
tively called. of all things, Rolling 
Stone, No Holds Barred is in the 
works and Wenner has signed а pro- 
duction deal with Paramount (ог 
three movies. . . . Although The Who 
have had a very high profile in recent 
months, Pete Townshend has told report- 
crs he's still opposed to prolonged 
touring because the stress "has Killed 
thousands of other people. Why kill 
me?” . . . Syntonic Research, Inc., fa 


mous for its unique Environments 


series of nature recordings, has been 
attacked as “sexist” by women's 
groups who object to three recent cov- 
ers featuring nature images superi 
posed on the back of a nude woman. 
Two mailorder companies have also 
canceled orders for the three new re- 
leases, citing the covers. Footnote: 
One of the three albums includes 
ard that, Syn- 
ificant effect 


nt to pay cash for 
firm called Mo- 


that. . 
bile F 
marks from rock groups like Supertramp 
and Fleetwood Мос for something called 
halfspeed mastering, which reported- 
ly cuts distortion and captures more 
high and low notes on records. The 
company plans to recut two classics, 
The Groteful Dead's American Beauty 


and Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the 
Moon, at a steep 515-816 per album. 
RANDOM RUMORS: Bill Graham, dean of 
the rock promoters, has been looking 
for a night club or a small concert 
Ш in the San Francisco area ever 
since the demise of Winterland. He's 
offered to construct one in the new 
Levi Strauss Building going up near 
Fisherman’s rock, 
Stara collection of artworl 
done by а number of music personali- 
lies—Joni Mitchell, Commonder Cody, Ron 
Wood, to name а few—will sell 
special leather-bound limited ed 
for $1000, . . . Conversion or no con- 
on, that is the question: Per Boone 
ys absolutely not. Bob Dylan did not 
get baptized in the Boone family 
pool. A fundamentalis: minister in 
Southern Californ joined 
his Christian Vineyard Fellowship 
Movement. Columbia Records refuses 
lo comment. Dylan's chief РК man 
says he's not reborn. The answers to 
these pressing questions are allegedly 
coming to us on his next album. Stay 
tuned... . Our sources tell us that the 
new road romance is betwecn Gregg 
Allman and Bonnie Bromlett. Bonnic те 
cently referred to him as her “new 
heartthrob 
REELING AND ROCKING: Si 
writer Laura Nyro has been signed to 
do the score for the sequel 10 The 
Graduale. Dustin Hoffmon will not re- 
create his role; Jeff Bridges will star in 
Part Two. . Robert Stigwood and 
Star Wars creator George Lucas have an- 
nounced a collaboration on The Em- 
pire Strikes Back, the sequel to Star 
Wars. But the big news is that Stig- 
wood is trying to convince Mick Jegger 
to score the movie, says Variety col- 
umnist Army Archerd. A  Stigwood 
spokesman denics the Jagger story, 
but then, what PR flack wants a hot 
story scooped by a gossip column? 
— BARBARA ^ 


ELLIS 


IMPORTED BY CALVERT DISTILLERS CD. NY C. NY 84 PROOF 


‘Subject: Porsche+Audi 
Vehicle Suspension Nothing 

and Selection of Even Comes 
Handling Characteristics Close 


A vehicles suspension should be as fast as its engine. Because its role is more than keeping 
the tires firmly in contact with the road. It's also to provide the driver with information 

as to what the car is doing. So he can make changes to meet the changing road conditions. 
In fact, at Porsche we view handling as a combination driver/vehicle/road concept. 

And so we design our suspension based on the theory of the Closed-loop Feedback System. 
Input is the driver. Output is the movement of the car on the road. And feedback is—besides 
what the driver sees—what he feels from the steering wheel, from the springs and shock 
absorbers, from the gas and brake pedals, and from—quite literally—the seat of his pants. 


Negotiating a 100-meter 

radius curve, at 41.5 mph, 

the 924 generates 0.35 g 

lateral acceleration with 

only 2° body roll. Thrust 


Centrifugal "d Thri 
Force 
Cornering 
Force 
Cornering 
Tire Force 
Drag 


Inertial 
Path 


у COMING ATTRACTIONS x 


вс NEWS: Rumors have been circulat- 
N ing around Hollywood that Johnny 
Carson's replacement will be either Rich- 
ard Dawson (host of Family Feud) or 
comedian David Letterman, but my sources 
assure me that the decision has been 
made—and that its definitely going 
to be Letterman. Letterman got his first 
big break as a guest on. The Tonight 
Show some time ago and has been guest- 
hosting on a fairly regular basis through- 
out the summer. Although NBC recently 
signed Letterman to an exclusive con- 
tract, the network has not, as we go to 
press, officially confirmed that he would 
be Carson's replacement. 
. 
ipat Gossip: As predicted some months 
ago in this column, Warren Beatty and 
Diane Keaton will star together in Reds 
for Paramount. The film is based on 
journalist John Reed’s Ten Days That 
Shook the World, a view of the Russian 
Revolution. Beatty will produce, direct 
and has co-authored the script with 
Trevor Griffiths. If the Russians don't per- 
mit filming in Moscow, Beatty's plan В 


Beatty Keaton 


is to shoot in Finland. . . . Martin Mull and 
Tuesday Weld will star in The Serial, 
based on Суға McFadden’s best seller. Gary 
Weis was originally set to direct, but the 
standard “creative differences” got in the 
way, so director Bill Persky now has the as- 
signment. . . . Jery (Scarecrow) Schatzberg 
will direct Honeysuckle Rose, with 
ie Nelson in his starring debut. Nelson 
will pen some new songs for the fea- 
ture... . Actress Nancy Walker (she played 
Rhoda's mother, among other roles) will 
direct Allan Carrs new musical, Disco- 
land. - Where the Music Never Ends, 
starring (how's this for a cast?) Vale 
Perrine, Bruce Jenner and the Village People. 
The story is apparently a roman à clef 
based on the real story of how the Vil. 
lage People began as a group. 
. 

REMAKES DEPT.: Walter Matthau takes on 
a dual role in the remake of the Damon 
Runyon classic Little Miss Marker. In front 
of the cameras, he plays Sorrowful Jones, 
the bookie; offscreen, he's the film's exec- 
utive producer. All that power, he 
claims, has gone to his head. “Oh, yes, 


Matthau 


I've become more ruthless, hard, de- 
manding, severe, strict and ornery,” says 
Matthau, who conducts business from 
the disarray of his trailer on the Univer- 
sal lot. His telephone calls have taken on 
a CIAlike quality: “National Guard, 
Captain Morrison here. . . . You've got 
the rifles? Stick 'em up your ass.” The 
film also stars Tony Curtis, Julie Andrews 
and newcomer Sara Stimson, age six, in the 
Shirley Temple role. 


. 

NOTES FROM cannes: The following is a 
summary of some of the more intriguing 
gossip I've gleaned from the Cannes Film 
Festival: Mick Jagger may star in a remake 
of The Threepenny Opera to be called 
Mack the Knife; this one involves Las 
Vegas corruption and, apparently, Mick 
wants it to be called Mick the Knife. 
We'll see. . . . Sidney Poitier will direct the 
next Pink Panther film, with Peter Sellers 
taking up once again as the inimitable 
Clouseau. Previous Panther director Blake 
Edwards, who recently returned to Holly- 
wood, hopes to get other projects go- 
ing, including S.O.B., described as the 
Network of the movie industry. . . 
Barbra Streisand is supposedly still dead- 
ing whether or not she'll make Yentl, 
the Yeshiva Boy, the story of a female 
rabbinical student. . . . Paul Newman will 
make Stand on It, based on the “Stroker 
Асе” book about a crazed race-car driver, 
for his First Artists group. (You read part 
of the story, Z Lost It in the Second 
Turn, in PLAYBoY's October 1973 issue.) 
“Racing cars are my passion,” says New- 
man. “This way I can combine business 
with pleasure.” 

. 

HALEY'S NEXT PROJECT: Norman Lear is de- 

veloping Alex Haley's first TV project 


hats 
Haley 


since Roots, the story of two nine-year- 
old boys—one black, one white—growing 


up in a small Southern town in the 
Thirties. The film—which will consist of 
a twohour pilot and six one-hour epi- 
sodes—will air on CBS next spring. 
Haley is currently scripting the pilot 
and will exec produce with Lear. 
б 
miniseries: ABC is gearing up to shoot 
what one executive calls “the biggest 
dramatic production ABC has ever 
done"—the story of the siege of Masada 
in the First Century A.D. Starring Peter 
O'Toole as Silva, leader of the Roman 
army, and Peter Strauss as Eleazar, leader 
of the rebelling Judeans, Masada, 
planned as an eight-hour miniseries, will 
re-create the heroic resistance of 960 
Judeans against an enslaving Roman 
army. An $18,000,000 production, Masa- 
da will be shot on location in Israel and 
aired in April of 1980. 
б 


н Gould claims he's 
g his first Disney film, The Last 
Flight of Noah's Ark, because he feels 


Schroder 


Gould 


it's important for him to make a movie 
his children can go to scc. Co-starring 
Ricky (The Champ) Schroder, Genevieve 
Bujold and Tammy lauren, the film is about 
the hazardous journey of a broken-down 
B-29 loaded with anii - Gould has one 
major complaint: “The animals aren't 
toilet trained." 


б 
taucH tracks: National Lampoon's 
next two film projects for Universal will 
be, respectively, Jaws 3, People 0 and a 
yet untitled movie based on the mag’s 
small-town-newspaper parody, The Da- 
cron Democrat-Republican. The Jaws 
parody will be produced by Richard D. 
Zanuck/David Brown, who gave us the two 
Jaws films. The idea of making the 
parody came up during discussions on 
the viability of doing another serious 
Jaws sequel. Rumor has it that Jaws 
author Peter Benchley will have a role in 
the NatLamp version, budgeted in the 

vicinity of $11.000,000. 
— JOHN BLUMENTHAL 


47 


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EARLY TIMES. 
THE WAY IT WAS, IS THE WAY ITIS. : 


1870. The first transcontinental train trip. 


On May 23, eight of the most elegant 

train cars America had ever seen 

steamed out of Boston for the Pacific Coast, 
with 129 distinguished guests aboard. 


And when they gathered to celebrate 

in the mahogany-paneled smoker, 

what other Kentucky whisky would have 
been more appropriate than Early Times? 
Today, its smoothness is just as prized. 
Because we're still slow-distilling it the same 
way we did in 1860. So you don’t have to 
look back to the good old days. You can look 

j forward to its great taste tonight. 


B6 OR 80 PROOF EARLY TIMES DISTILLERY CO., LOUISVILLE, КҮ 
© 1979. 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


Several months ago, E became involved 
in a bizarre situation. I met a lovely 
little blonde and commenced to fall in 
love with her. Unfortunately, it wasn't a 
totally reciprocal relationship. Oh, she 
liked me quite a bit, but she happened to 
be involved with another person at the 
same time and tried to conceal it from 
me. About two and a half months ago, 
she went on an exchange program to the 
East Coast. Shortly after that, I started 
seeing her best friend and former room- 
mate. One thing led to another, and now 
I find myself deeply involved with that 
girl. Looks good so far, right? Now comes 
the catch. The blonde’s other relation- 
ship was a pain in my side while I was 
dating her, and that same relationship 
is still a pain. If you haven't guessed, 
the two girls I have been messin’ with 
have been messin’ with each other and 
they're in love! Hold it! I know what 
you're thinking and I have already asked, 
but it won't work. Both girls enjoy their 
time together and their time with me too 
much to have it ruined by jealousy trips. 
І have a feeling that in a month and a 
half, when the blonde comes back home, 
I'm going to be out in the cold. Both 
girls are so mixed up they don't know 
what's coming off, and, consequently, 
neither do І. Please help me keep my 
sanity and at least one of these lovely 
ladies. My heater doesn’t work and a few 
blankets and your foldouts just won't 
make it.—P. F., Chico, California. 

If you are as good at courting women 
as you are at courting disaster, you 
shouldn't have a problem. Consider your 
choices. You can walk away from the sit- 
uation and find someone new (and hope 
that the blonde doesn’t come after you 
with a straight razor for fooling around 
with her best friend). You can choose one 
of the women and say that you would 
like to keep seeing her оп essentially the 
same basis. The girls don’t seem intent 
on excluding you. They may just be ex- 
perimenting with bisexuality. As long as 
you don't hold their relationship against 
them, you should have access to one (or 
both) of them. Then again, you might go 
for broke. Get the girls together and say 
that in these inflationary limes, you think 
it best that the three of you pool your 
resources. It's worth a try. With three in 
one bed, you could forget about the blan- 
kets and the foldouts. Unfortunately, a 
ménage à trois can be very tricky. You 
might not even make it through the 
winter. 


B am an amateur photographer. Every 
month, I receive rrAvmov and devou 
the pictures. I've been wondering how 
your photographers get such soft-looking 


photos. I've tried to no avail to duplicate 
the effects I see in some of the layouts 
Гуе wied several different filters—but 
even using them, I can't seem to get that 
soft effect. What's the secret?—C. J., San 
Francisco, California. 

Well, first, we use very soft girls. Other 
than that, there is no simple formula. 
You'll have to experiment. It may take 
time. Bob Guccione’s been trying to 
learn our secrets for years, and he’s not 
even close. Filters are only the begin- 
ning: Diffusion, or “fog,” filters come in 
varying strengths—they soften skin tones 
and break up hard lines. In a pinch, you 
can stretch a piece of nylon stocking over 
your lens. (Don't do this if you're shoot- 
ing in a bank.) One photographer sug- 
gested using petroleum jelly—but we've 
not sure he was talking about his camera 
equipment. If you do use the stuff, smear 
it ona filter or а gel, not on the lens. The 
other major variable is lighting. Direct 
lighting produces hard lines and harsh, 
flat surfaces. Try bouncing the light off 
a reflecting umbrella, a piece of card- 
board or a white wall, or place the lights 
behind a diffusing screen, such as a sheet 
or, on a smaller scale, a handkerchief- 


ДМ question in the Advisor gave me 
the idea that I might be an exceptional 
case. If so, I'd like to know what I can 
do about 1 am 18 and it takes me a 
long time to come. I'm always extremely 
involved with my girl and what we're 
doing, and I'm extremely excited both 
physically and mentally; but sometimes 
after, say, ten minutes of steady, full 
thrusts (the expression is not for effect; 1 
think it’s essential to good sex that one 


applies full thrusts), I still feel no indi- 
cation of impending ejaculation. After 
ten minutes, my girlfriend is complain- 
ing that I'm rubbing her raw, she’s 
tired and why don't we go to a movie? 
Such sessions are, to say the least, ex- 
tremely cmbarrassing and cgo deflating 
Occasionally, after a week of abstinence, 
I get it off after a minute or so. She ap- 
parently enjoys those encounters more 
than my other, more time-consuming 
efforts. 1 thought girls went for staying 
power! She says she likes to go to bed 
with me, but I don't know. I also don’t 
know how to make it more exciting; we 
use different positions, but I reserve the 
proverbial whips and spiked heels for 
when I get bored with straight screwing, 
if and when that happens. Whac'll I d 
I'm thinking of leaving her for greener 
pastures, but she's kind of special, so Га 
appreciate advice—L. B. Nashville, 
Tennessee. 

Your friend sounds terminally bored. 
Anyone who punches a time clock or 
takes time out to read movie reviews in 
bed is in serious trouble. Her “less is 
more” attitude might be OK for poetry, 
but when it comes to sex, the opposite is 
true: If you like it, you want it to last 
forever. Our guess is that she hasn't yet 
learned to achieve orgasm during inter- 
course—therefore, the longer it goes on, 
the greater her sense of failure. Talk it 
over. Don't assume that you know what 
turns her оп (i.e., the full thrusts). You 
might suggest that she set the pace: If 
she wants you to reach your destination 
quickly, let her move her tail for you. A 
final note: Lubrication diminishes with 
lime or as the woman's interest declines. 
Try some K-Y jelly, scented oils or plain 
old 40 weight. If that fails, it may be 
time for the whips and spiked heels. 


e recently taken to riding motor- 
cydes—both for gas economy and for 
the thrill of performance. I've been dis- 
cusing riding technique with several 
experienced riders and I've got some 
questions. One of my friends says that 
I should sparingly wse the rear brake 
on a motorcycle, since the front brake 
does all the work. He also tells me that to 
initiate a high-speed turn, I should 
push the handle bars in the opposite 
direction from where 1 intend to go. 
That advice sounds a bit farfetched. Is he 
tying to kill me? I've been wondering if 
there's a motorcycle school equivalent 
to the Bob Bondurant School of High 
Performance Driving, where 1 can go 
to learn. from the masters—J. M., San 
Francisco, California. 

You have a good friend. When you hit 


51 


PLAYBOY 


52 


Е  MUNCHING & cD 
VAN EH YORK NY 
SERVE AT 45-55 


One good beer... 


Holland's Heineken, America's number one imported beer. 


the brakes on a motorcycle, the weight 
shifts forward onto the front wheel. Con- 
sequently, the front brake ends up doing 
about 75 percent of the work. If you use 
just the rear brake, or use it loo much, 
the rear wheel will lock and the bike 
will go squirrelly. Your friend is also 
correct about high-speed turns. To ini- 
tiate a left on a motorcycle, you cock the 
handle bars to the right (push the left 
handle bar away from you and/or pull 
the right handle bar toward you) and 
lean to the left. The tire patch moves out 
from under the bike and it falls in the 
direction you want to go. It may sound 
strange, but you've probably been doing 
this unconsciously when you shifted your 
weight for a turn. But it’s better to have 
conscious control. A lot of beginners 
when encountering an obstacle have 
found that the instinctive maneuver to 
steer away from the obstacle swerved 
them into it. Scratch a lot of beginners. 
If you are looking for a high-performance 
school, try The Keith Code Rider Im- 
provement Program (6416 La Mirada 
Avenue, Los Angeles, California 90038). 
Code races Superbikes—very well, thank 
you—and has distilled the competitive 
experience into an informative course. 
For $200, he will give you а one-on-one 
seminar, then take you out to the track 
on the second day for the time of your 
life. (You have to supply the bike and 
leathers.) We've taken the course, and 
one of these days—when we tire of blow- 
ing suckers off back roads—we'll tell 
you more about it. 


WI, girlfriend and I have been having 
an argument about her breast size. She 
says that when I fondle or otherwise 
munch out on her tits, it keeps them 
from growing naturally. Her argument is 
that while I was away for a week, her 
breasts grew in size. But when I started 
back to my old habit, they stopped grow- 
ing. Is there any evidence to support her 
argument?—J. B., San Antonio, Texas. 

None. Breasts increase in size slightly 
when stimulated; they also wax and 
wane with the menstrual cycle. Tell your 
girlfriend she'll have to come up with a 
better story than that. 


Hcy, coach: You've helped with our sex 
life; maybe you can help with our sports 
life. One of the girls I play tennis with 
recently sprained her ankle. She wanted 
to go home and soak in а warm tub. I 
thought that the standard treatment 
these days was to pack the injury in ice 
Who was right? We opted for the tub, 
for other reasons, but I wonder—P. R., 
Washington, D.C. 

First, may we suggest some reading. 
Start with Alex Comfort’s “The Joy of 
Sex.” That might get you both off the 
court and back into bed, where you be- 
long. But if you insist om pursuing 
pleasure in its more high-risk forms, you 


should pick up “The Sportsmedicine 
Book,” by Gabe Mirkin and Marshall 
Hoffman, andjor “What to Do About 
Athletic Injuries,” by Thomas D. Fahey. 
According to Mirkin and Hoffman, the 
immediate treatment for almost all ath- 
letic injuries ts the same, whether you've 
pulled a muscle, strained а ligament, hurt 
а joint or broken a bone. They call the 
program RICE—for Rest, Ice, Compres- 
sion and Elevation. You should stop 
what you're doing as soon as you feel 
you're hurt, pack the injured area in ice 
(use a towel; don't permit the ice to 
contact the skin directly), wrap a band- 
age around the ice and elevate the in- 
jured limb above the level of the heart. 
These steps serve to keep blood from 
entering the injured area. (The more 
blood that collects, the longer it takes to 
heal.) You can reapply ice for several 
hours—30 minutes on and 15 minutes 
off. If the pain and swelling increase, 
you should check with a physician. Most 
experts do not tesort to heat treatments 
for at least 48 hours, if at all. Ice is also 
used to rehabilitate injuries. For exam- 
ple, if you are trying to restore move- 
ment to an injured joint, you massage 
the area with ice, stretch it with the ap- 
propriate exercises, then reapply the ice. 
The cold serves as an anesthetic and, 
again, reduces swelling. And don't over- 
look the most important use of ice—as 
in “on the rocks.” 


MAthough 1 broke up with my fiancée 
more than a year ago, we still keep in 
touch by mail and by phone. We had 
good sex for a period of two years prior 
to our breakup, which was caused by 
nonsexual factors. I find that we have 
fallen into a pattern of behavior that is 
a source of both pleasure and perplexity 
to me. We exchange detailed accounts 
of our sexual activity with other part- 
ners, complete with comparisons and 
critiques of the various partners. Instead 
of becoming angry or jealous, I am 
turned on tremendously by this activity, 
even to the point of wanting to resume 
my relationship with my ex-fiancée, 
when I should actually be repulsed by 
her. I have never felt this way about an- 
other woman. Am I sick or what?— 
В. К. S., Kansas City, Missouri. 

One man's meat is . . . uh, wrong anal- 
ogy. We've heard of men who get turned 
on by accounts of their partners extra- 
curricular activities. In your case, we'd 
have second thoughts about getting back 
together. Why let a renewed. friendship 
ruin a good thing? 


В suffered through the worst winter in 
history, and some of the problems caused 
by it are just surfacing. I left a few cases 
of wine in my unheated garage during 
the winter months and now I've noticed 
that the corks have pushed through the 
metal sealers. The wine is muddy and 


Fal VAN MUNCHING & 


КТ 


NEW YORK | 
YE AT AGU. 


...deserves another. 


Holland's Heineken, America's year round dark beer. 


53 


Why the tape compan 
with the most liberal I nol 
hasthe fewest retums. 


If anything ever goes wrong with a For example, we use high impact sty-  anti-jomming rib to make sure you never 
Maxell cassette, we'll replace it. Free. rene in our cassette housing, so it'll stand get stuck with tape that sticks. 

We can afford to make such a gen- up to years of constant use and abuse It's because of features like this that 
erous offer because so few people have Ме use steel screws to hold our we have such an extremely liberal return 
ever had to toke us up on it cassettes together and keep them from policy. 

You see, we go ta great lengths to put warping. A policy you'll rarely, if ever, have 
together a cassette that won't fall apart. We've even designed a special need of 


maet TULIT LL 


Morell Con 


tastes strange. What should I do?—A. K. 
Skokie, Illinois. 

Your wine must have frozen; the cork 
popping phenomenon is nol unusual in 
that circumstance. Exposure to air 
through broken seals may have caused 
. Our office wine 
expert suggests one of two things: Push 
the corks back into the bottles and (1) 
sell il to some unsuspecting fool; от (2) 
give it Lo someone you don't like. 


the wine to overoxidiz 


ЕМІ, husband and 1 have been married 
for three years. We are in our late 20s 
We have had a good sex life, or so I 
thought until last year, when I found out 
by accident that he secretly masturbates. 
He does it right next to me in bed when 
he thinks I am asleep. I wouldn't mind 
if he needed more sex and I were unable 
to fulfill his needs, but on about half 
of the occasions, I find him doing it 
the morning after we have made love. 
He doesn’t approach me first for sex—he 
just takes it on his own. In the begin- 
g. his doing that made me excited. I 
would make believe that 1 had just 
awakened, and then ] would initiate 
lovemaking. Sometimes he would be will- 
ing. but sometimes he would not. Please 
tell me if 1 am doing something wrong. 
1 love my husband very much and I find 
myself getting jealous because he doesn't 
come to me first. (He does this several 
times a k. Am I married to a satyr?)— 
Mrs. D. D., Dallas, Texas. 

You зеет to be laboring (or is it loving?) 
under a couple of misconceptions about 
sex—notably, that intercourse is the only 
officially sanctioned form of release and 
that once a night is enough. Masturba: 
tion is a perfectly normal adult activity 
И is a great way to get the heart started 
in the morning. The fact that your hus 
band enjoys the autocroticism in no way 
reflects on your skills as а lover. His 
liming does leave a bit to be desired 
(you should discuss your feelings with 
him on this matter). If watching him 
excites you, you might seize the occasion 
to experiment with a little solo work 
on your own. Hey, you could even 
stage races: First one to finish makes the 
coffee. In some ways, masturbation is 
more liberating than  intercourse—the 
individual is not responsible for another 
person's pleasure and can do as he or 
she pleases. There is no reason to get 
jealous—after all, the only competition 
is the person you love. 


ЯП reasonable questions—from fash- 
ion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars 
to dating dilemmas, taste and eliquette— 
will be personally answered if (he writer 
includes а stamped, self-addressed en- 
velope. Send all letters to The Playboy 
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 М. Michi 
gan Avenue, Chicago, Hlinois 60611. The 
most provocative, pertinent queries will 
be presented on these pages cach month, 


After dinner magic. Sambuca Romana, the spectacular liqueur, 
imported from таса the favorite Sambuca in the entire New 
World. Serve it with coffee beans Con Mosca, as a cordial, in es- 
resso or American coffee. For 57 other ideas. get our new recipe 
booklet. Write Palmer & Lord, Ltd, Syosset, NY 11791. 84 Proof. 


Sambuca Romana. The Sambuca of Rome: 


If youcan finda receiver 
that does more. 


DC configuration Relay protection 18LED logarithmic Logarithmi. 


2 phono iriputs 
ОСІ power amplifier with LED power display volume attenuator 


Connections for Bass/midrange/ Twin position Front panel acces- 2 tape monitors 
З pair of speakers treble tone controls active subsonic sory switch with full tape copy 


with variable tum- and high filters capability 
Scott's new 390R is perhaps the 


over frequencies 
most complete receiver ever made Buy 


and by-pass 
A professional control center for your contact your nearest Scott dealer, or 
entire sound system, the 390R delivers a write H.H. Scott, Inc., 20 Commerce 
full 120 watts per channel min. RMS, at Way, Dept. HR, Woburn, MA 01801 


8 ohms from 20-20,000 Hz with no more 


than 0.03% THD. And it offers more options, 
The Name to listen to. 


features and flexibility than you'll find 
Makers of high quality high fidelity equipment since 1847 


К 
E 


plete lineof audio components, 


on most separates. 

Compare the Scott 390R with any other 
receiver on the market today. If you can 
find one that does more... buy it. 


55 


There ts only 
one real pioneer 


165 Sony. 


In 1954, a fledgling Japanese 


tape recorder manufacturer visited 


- 1957 


company that virtually founded the era of transis- 
torized high fidelity—is still at its very forefront. 


‘The worlds frst America to investigate a new device а 
pocket transistor : The VS receiver: 
mado, called the transistor. To this day, only Sony offers Sony quality. 


At first, things were less than encouraging. 

“Transistors are only good 
for hearing aids.” they were told. 
"And besides, they can't be 
mass produced.” 

Undeterred, the Japanese 
representatives returner g 
to Tokyo. 1 

irty-six months 
later, the world saw its 
first pocket transistor 
radio. 

Followed by the 
world’s first all-tran- 1954: 
sistor FM radio. eel 

And, partially as a Japanese 
sign of their continuing 
dedication to audio, the Tokyo 
Telecommunications Епріпеег- 
ing Corporation adapted the 
Latin word for sound—“sonus’— 
and changed its name to Sony. 

In the years that have 
followed, Sony has never falter- 
ed in its dedication to techno- 
logical innovation. And wed be 
loathe to estimate how often our advances have 
ended up on the circuit boards and front panels = 
za Of our competitors equipment as 
(J) "technological breakthroughs.” 

But enough of the past. 

The hi-fi components 
featured here stand as elo- 
quent proof that Sony—the 


1950; ee 


A few SonyAudio firsts: 


1949; Obtained patent on the basic magnetic 
tape-recording system. 
1952:Developed stereo broadcasting in Japan. 
1954: Introduced condenser microphone. 
1955; First consumer stereo tape recorder 
in Japan. 
1959: Invented “Tunnel Diode”, basis of 
all high-speed, low-distortion semi- 
conductors. 
1965: First all-silicon solid state amplifier. 
1966: The first servo-controlled turntable. 
Forerunner of quartz-locked turntables. 
1968: First electronic end of record sensor. 
1969: First digital-synthesized FM tuner. 
1969: Invented the ferrite tapc head. 
1973: Invented the V-FET: Opened era of 
high-speed transistors. 
1973: First to manufacture ferrichrome tape, 
1973: Dr, Esaki wins Nobel Prize in Physics 
for "Tunnel Diode” 
1975: First turntable with carbon-fiber tone arm. 
1971: The world’s first consumer digital audio 
processor. 
1977: First consumer amplifier with pulse 
power supply. 
1978: Patented liquid crystal recording meters. 


Unlike hi-fi receivers designed 


toimpress you with a facade of 
magic buttons and switches, 
Sony receivers are designed to 
impress you with rich sound. 

Case in point: the V5. 

In technical terms, the V5 
delivers 85 watts per channel at 
8 ohms from 20 to 20,000 hertz 
with no more than 0.07% total 
harmonic distortion. 

In human terms, this means 
the receiver can reproduce every 
note of music any instrument 
can play with no audible dis- 
tortion. And it can power two sets 
of speakers without straining. 

But that’s only the 
beginning. 

Instead of using the mun- 
dane power transformers found 
in competitors’ products, the V5 
utilizes more expensive toroidal 
core transformers that provide 
richer bass. 


1979; ™ ¥5 пет: Designed for people who appreciate 


value as much as they appreciate sound. 


in high fidelity. 


1979: 


Instead of cutting corners by using a flimsy qere into 
pressboard bottom, we've cut interference by „Дисней voi NM E erent ir sound ux 
2 кее E mihe T E s 
encasing the entire receiver in metal. sophisticated as they look LENIN 
And for better FM reception, instead of tape, remote control and timer capabilities, and 


using the standard three- or four-gang variable- — the kind of high-quality D.C. tape head amplifier 
tuning capacitor, we've opted for a higher quality youll find in almost по one else’ tape decks. 
five-gang model. O ; 

All of which explains why if you pay a few But you really haven’t heard anything yet. 
dollars less for one of our competitors’ réceivers, 
its probably because you're getting less receiver. 


Unfortunately, we don't have enough space 
here to tell you the complete Sony hi-fi story. 
Like the way a recent dealer survey rated our 
turntables #1 in value 
and performance. 

Or the way our 
new separate tuners 


Since we introduced 
tape recording to Japan in 1950, and amplifiers (not to 
Sony has sold millions of mention micro compo- 
tape decks. nents) utilize highly 

A quick look at our new d advanced light-weight 
TC-K65 cassette deck will ч ше power supplies 

А ony rem nies to produce our - 
explain why. ape transports, motors, meters, heads—even the tape itself. whose levels of distortion 

Like all two-motor cassette decks, the are virtually unmeasurable. 
TC-K65 is designed for low wow and flutter. Or how they use a NASA developed" Thermo- 
Unlike others, however, we feature Dynamic Cooling System" that eliminates heat, 

“brushless and slotless” motors that = Я excess wire and the distortion 
reduce this problem to the point ) № and interference that normally 
of being inaudible. .* accompany them. 

Instead of using just am If youd like to hear more 
tape head material, the TC-K65 about the complete line of Sony 
features Sony “Sendust and hi-fi components (or if you 
Ferrite" heads that combine wide need the name of your nearest 
response with extreme durability. E ^ | dealer) write us at 9 W. 57th St, 

Instead of using an ordinary i NY., N.Y. 10019. 
metering system, we've developed a — 1979; рысы тишинин In the meantime, if somebody 
16-segment LED meter whose life ex- ES EES makes noise about innovations ` 
pectancy far exceeds the fancy blue fluorescent іп high fidelity, think of the biggest pioneer in audio. 
models other companies are currently touting. And remember Sony. 


And theres also a “Random Music Sensor" 
for preprogramming tapes, settings for metal OSCAR z 


1979 Sony Indus а Div. of Sony Cc ica. St. NY. NY. 
eyed E E anu pre AGAT that wasn't the best. 


PLAYBOY 


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THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


a continuing dialog on contemporary issues between playboy and its readers 


EROTIC ENTROPY 

I teach physics at a large Midwestern 
university. Every spring, attendance at 
my lectures drops sharply, for a reason 
that is obvious: The students are more 
interested in asses than in classes. 

According to the second law of thermo- 
dynamics, the universe is gradually de- 
clining, in a process called entropy, to a 
state in which all order has disappeared 
and all energy has been used up. I can't 
help but think the universe is becoming 
more erotic, as well as chaotic. 

My hypothesis is supported by my ob- 
servations of the many absences from my 
classes, which are due to the explosive 
force of sexual energy. My students can’t 
study because stored-up sexual tension 
forces them to find relief. somewhere 
in the environment. This typical reac- 
tion to erotic stimulus keeps them in 
motion until the pressure is released. 

This parallels the second law of ther- 
modynamics with uncanny precision. 
The universe is becoming more erotic. 
Now. if I can only get a Federal grant to 
pursue my studies further. 

Professor I. М. Pangloss, Ph.D. 
Warrensburg, Missouri 

There is, of course, a character named 
Pangloss in Voltaire's “Candide,” who 
keeps insisting this is the best of all pos- 
sible worlds. Any relation? 


CONSENSUAL PHONE CALLS 
A decision has been handed down by 
the Florida Supreme Court that I think 
will be of interest to your readers. I 
was the attorney for the defendant and 
had the pleasure of arguing the case 
before the court carlier this уса 
In a fiveto-two decision, the court 
struck down as unconstitutional a statute 
that made unlawful the use of obscene 
language over the telephone. It held that 
the wording of the statute was so overly 
broad that it "criminalizes telling an 
off-color joke to a willing listener or 
forbids a sexually oriented conversation 
between lovers." It held that the st 
Amendment right to freedom of speech 
“prohibits the punishment of the mere 
use of obscene language in а telephone 
communication.” 
In other words, here in Florida, it now 
safe to usc whatever language onc 
pleases during telephone conversations 
when the other party is a willing listener. 
Steven G. Brady 
Assistant Public Defender 
Orlando, Florida 


BLISTERED BOTTOM 

As a television cameraman in San 
Francisco, I quite often see and hear 
some incredible things. The story I re- 
member best happened last July 4, when 
1 was assigned to shoot the fireworks vic- 
tims who were brought into the local 
hospital. Over the police radio, 1 heard 
that a young woman was being brought 
in and I arrived just as the ambu 
backed in and its doors swung oper 
beautiful blonde stepped out, stopped 
the doorway and then turned her rear 


“What her boyfriend 
tried to “blow off? 
I found to be 
a great pleasure.” 


toward my camera. She lifted her skirt so 
high we all could see her perfect litle 
bare ass, which was marred with a white 
burn on the Jeft cheek. When the re- 
porter asked the girl what had happened, 
she smiled and told us the story. 

“My boyfriend was playing with fire- 
crackers and I accidentally happened to 
sit on one.” 

“Does 
porter. 

“Only my pride,” she said. 


hurt much?" asked the re- 


"And what does your boyfriend think?" 
questioned the reporter. 

Oh, I don't know,” she sighed. “I was 
hot to sleep with him tonight, but if he 
wants а piece of ass now, he'll have to go 
back to the park and find it 

Needless to say. the editors didn't use 
my footage and even lectured me for 
wasting film. I didn't care. I had waited. 
for her to be treated at the hospital, and 
then I drove her home. What her boy- 
friend had tried w “blow off" I found. 
to be a great pleasure. 

(Name withheld by request) 
San Francisco, California 


BETWEEN THE SHEETS 

For the past six months, T have read 
some terrific letters in The Playboy 
Forum from your female correspondents. 

І am constantly amazed that women 
cannot be feminists to the bone in their 
public life and do what they damn well 
please between the sheets. Isn't it true 
that major advances have been made in 
the arenas of freedom throughout the 
world because individuals took the 
chance to make a radical stand? 

I revel in my own freedom. Thanks to 
my personal liberation, I have become 
more assertive (we must be polite and 
nonagpressive) and I have developed 
horns (previously known only to men). 1 
haven't noticed that my шап suffers 
from a bruised ego. nor has his prong 
reduced in size; similarly, other than 
horns, nothing new has grown on my 
person, 


B. Davis 
Los Angeles, rnia 
Do not—repeat, do not—confuse 
“horns” with “horniness” In some parts 
of the world, the growing of horns af- 
flicts only men whose wives are screwing 
around with somebody else. 


DO UNTO OTHERS 

An incident that I recently witnessed 
illustrated to me how personal frustr: 
tions can often manifest themselves in 
intolerant behavior toward innocent in- 
dividuals. 

While driving, I spotted a young Serv- 
iceman accepting money from a teenager 
prior to entering a liquor store. I debat- 
ed whether or not to take action by hail- 
ing a nearby sheriff's patrol car, but 
finally decided not to when I realized 
that the only reaction I could possibly 
evoke from the two would be enmity- 
not at the act for which they would be 
caught but for me, armed with all my 


59 


PLAYBOY 


60 


invincible righteousness, doing nothing 
to alter their actions, trying only to 
punish them. Later, I understood that my 
own personal frustration at being sepa- 
ed from the woman I love (I'm in the 
е several hundred miles 
id nearly caused me to vent that 
ion on two strangers. If I had 
peace with myself and others, 1 
t even have considered the action 
ly took. 

my own experience, I wonder if 
a prominent social crusaders are 
ir own frustrations 


in the lives of other 
the anti-abortionists. 
liberal” reform- 
rs. Are their personal lives so secure 
at they can meddle with the lives of 
total strangers? If a common person like 
myself can realize the effect of my indis- 
criminate emotions upon my conscious 
activities, why can't those often talented 
individuals do the same? 

(Name withheld by request) 
Woodbridge, Virgi 


Tere 
of all 
sexuals and even тапу 


antihomo- 


RENDER UNTO CAESAR 
From time to time, you have had small 


items about the Universal Life Church. 
These, for the most part. been 
treated tongue in check, Here in New 


York, we have a serious problem. The 
state has been fighting us for the past 
three and a half years, just because I 
ordained everyone in the town of Hard- 
enburg and made them tax-exempt. 
vernor Hugh Carey is trying to stop 
our religious beliefs. 1 hope you find this 
story interesting enough to follow up on. 

Cardinal George McLain, Ph.D. 

Universal Life Church 

Liberty, New York 

We'll probably continue to report the 

adventures of the Universal Life Church 
with tongue somewhere in check, but we 
like your style. Much evil has heen and 
is being done in the name of religion, 
and it's nice to know that somewhere out 
there is а cardinal of a church who is 
teaching legislators, bureaucrats, even 
governors how important it is to main- 
lain a separation of church and state. 
What you may eventually accomplish is 
the taxation of church-owned property 
Goad luck! 


SEXUAL CUTUPS 

1 was both amazed and appalled when 
bill had been filed in the 
ature providing for the re 
moval of the ovaries of female child 
molesters. presumably as a sexual deter- 
rent (Forum Newsfront, May). Not only 
do the ovaries have nothing whatever to 
do with female sexual response but also 
that kind of legislative bunk may scare 
thousands of women out of necessary 
hysterectomies for fear they will lose all 
sexual interest. 

Let me as 


re all women that that is 


HORSE LOVER 
GOLDEN, COLORADO—À woman em- 
ployee at а local mental-health center 
notified the sheriff's office that she had 
just witnessed a man petting a horse 
and fondling its genitals. The investigat- 
ing deputy wrote in his report, “After 
checking through my criminal-code 
book, I was unable to find a charge to 
file," and the alleged horse molester 

presumably is still at large. 


MEDICAL MYSTERIES 

SWEETWATER, TEXAS—A fourinch-long 
calcified fetus that may be 70 years old 
has been surgically removed from the 
abdominal wall of an 83-year-old wom- 
ап and sent to a medical school for 
study. The fetal remains were discov- 
ered by X тау after the woman went to 
a docior complaining of abdominal 
pains and nausea. 

Meanwhile, in San Francisco, a Uni- 
versity of California Medical Center 
team of seven spent four and a half 
hours removing а 30-year-old woman's 
cvarian tumor that in 15 years had 
grown undetected to a weight of 200 
pounds and measured a yard in diam- 
eter. The woman's weight at the time 
of the operation was 380 pounds. 


SATURDAY NIGHT FERVOR 
cmcaco—Three graduate psycholog 
students from the University of Wis- 
consin at Oshkosh have found that male 


disco patrons who order mixed drinks 
are more likely to try to pick up women 
than are those who order beer. In а 
paper submitted to a Chicago meeting 


FORUM NEWSFRONT 


what’s happening in the sexual and social arenas 


of the Midwestern Psychological Asso- 
ciation, the researchers reported that 
they observed 101 men at four discos 
and noted that 42 of 48 liquor drink- 
ers but only 17 of 53 beer drinkers 
approached a woman within the first 
hour of their arrival. The study notes 
that liquor ads tend to include women, 
while most beer ads do not. 


THE PRESS AND THE POLITICIANS 

BATON ROUGE, LOUISIANA—The latest 
skirmish between the press and the 
politicians of Louisiana has resulted 
in the introduction of a bill that would 
require newspapers in the state with 
over 200,000 cuculation to proclaim in 
large letters that their contents “are 
nol necessarily the truth.” There hap- 
pens to be only one paper with that 
much circulation—the New Orleans 
Times-Picayune—one of whose readers 
quickly wrote in to propose that the 
same warning accompany all political 
Speeches, proposed legislation and gov- 
ernment re ports. 


BY ANY OTHER NAME 

cmcaco—“Marihuana” is just as il- 
legal to smuggle into the country as 
marijuana, a Federal appeals court has 
ruled. In upholding the convictions of 
three men charged with conspiring to 
smuggle some 15 tons of pol [rom 
Colombia, the judges held that the 
defendants’ arguments over statutory 
spelling and dictionary definitions were 
“meoredible” and that the trial jury had 
based its verdict on “an ordinary meas- 
ure of common sense.” 


CASTRATION QUESTION 
OKLAHOMA crTy—Afier а 
house defeat of a bill that would have 
allowed 


narrow 


castration of 
fenders, the co-authors of the proposal 
say they will reintroduce it in the next 
legislative session and, failing that, may 
try to get it placed on the state ballot 
and put to а popular vole. The bill 
would have permitted “incapacitation 
of the external male genitalia” by a 
surgeon for persons convicted of first- 
degree rape or oral sodomy under cer- 
tain conditions 


certain sex of- 


NEW HEROIN TREATMENT 
PHILADELPHIA—4 drug now taken by 
millions of Americans to reduce high 
blood pressure may prove to be a rel. 
atively easy and painless treatment for 
heroin addiction. Dr. Mark Gold, a 


researcher from Summit, New Jersey, 
told a drug-abuse conference that the 
Food and Drug Administration has 
expressed considerable interest in his 
discovery and predicted thal the 
German-made drug clonidine would 
soon be approved for use in drug-treat- 
ment clinics. 


BIG BROTHER 

Two out of three Americans. ques- 
tioned in a national survey expressed 
concern that various Government agen- 
cies and private organizations have 
been violating their right of privacy. 
The poll, conducted by Louis Harris 
Associates, found half the respondents 
fearing that within ten years the Amer- 
ican people “will have lost much of our 
ability to keep important aspects of our 
lives private from the Government.” 
and one out of three respondents said 


the U.S. had already reached а point 
or was “very close” to the timc de- 
scribed. by George Orwell in “1984” 
when the Government “knew almost 
everything that everyone was doing.” 


LEGAL DILEMMA 
icAG0—4 local college teacher has 
caused some confusion in the legal 
community by suing to have a court 
declare him the lawful father of a five- 
year-old boy he claims was born out of 
wedlock 10 a former girlfriend who was 
married to aud living with another man 
at the time of conception. The stated 
purpose of the action is to secure visit- 
ation rights, and attorneys aren't sure 
whether to call it a paternily вий or 
something else, since present Illinois 
law refers to the rights of women, but 
not of men, in establishing paternity. 
The judge in the case also is puzzled: 
"There's а strong presumption in the 
law that a woman who conceives dur- 


ing marriage was in fact impregnated 
by the husband. But, of course, that can 
be rebutted by a showing of strong evi- 
dence that the husband did not do so.” 
To complicate matters, the traditional 
blood tests generally work only to de- 
termine who could not be the father; 
and there is some question of whether 
or nol the mother or her now-divorced 
husband can be required to undergo 
those or other more sophisticated tests. 
If the plaintiff succeeds in establish- 
ing paternity, that would create the 
additional problem of establishing the 
child as illegitimate under law. 


OPIUM WAR 
Several Chinese-American organiza- 
lions and antidrug groups are raising а 
stink over the name of Yves Saint Lau- 
rent’s popular $120-an-ounce French 
perfume, Opium. Opponents of the 
name argue that it not only glamorizes 
а dangerous drug but, through adierlis- 
ing pictures and statements, perpetu- 
ates the image many people й have of 

the Chinese as opium users. 


UNHAPPY OVER GAY WEEK 

WARRISBURG— The Pennsylvania house 
of representatives has voted 180 to H to 
censure Governor Richard Thornburgh 
for proclaiming a statewide Gay Pride 
Week. One representative told a report- 
er, “I don't care who's deviant. Why the 
hell should we have а week for them?” 
Another said that the governor's action 
“contributed 10 the moral and spiritual 
decadence which is upon us." A spoke: 
man for the governor said he has те- 
fused to withdraw the proclamation 


VIRGINITY PAYS 

DETROIT—A young Sicilian-American 
woman has been awarded $250,000. in 
damages because her husband claimed. 
she had not been a virgin on their 
wedding night. The jury found that 
the public accusation—the husband 
dumped his new bride on her uncle's 
doorstep and left in a huff—had spread 
through the Sicilian communities in 
Detroit and California, causing. the 
woman and her family lo become social 
outcasts. An annulment of the marriage 
is pending. 


A ROSE IS NOT ALWAYS. . 
OXNARD. CALIFORNIA—A large green- 
house full of unusually tall and uni- 
Jormly shaped rose bushes aroused the 
curiosity of Oxnard police officers, who 
decided to take a closer look. They 
found the roses to be plastic and con- 
cenli 


some 3000 marijuana plants, 
which led to the arrest of a 4-year-old 
man on charges of pot cultivation and 
possession with intent to sell. 


“VISUAL RAPE” 

UTICA, MICHIGAN—Invasion-of-priva- 
cy charges have been filed against a 
roller-rink operator by a woman patron 
who objected to the establishment's 
practice of monitoring restroom activi- 
lies through one-way mirrors. The com- 
plainant, who learned of the system 


after she and hey daughter had used the 
facility, called it “visual rape” and said, 
“If 1 want somebody to waich me, Ill 
invite them." The rinl's owner said the 
restroom ceiling mirrors were installed 
to combat vandalism and that all mon- 
itoring was done by employees of the 
appropriate sex. 


THREE IS A CROWD 

MACON, GEORGIA—A Federal district 
judge has threatened to jail a 20-year- 
old woman if she bears any more ille- 
gitimate children. In sentencing her to 
fwe years’ probation for stealing a 
neighbor's Social Security check, the 
judge told the defendant that her three 
illegitimate children. were тоте than 
enough alicady and that if she becomes 
pregnant again, her probation would be 
revoked. The woman still faces 11 state 
charges of fraud. 


PRICE OF POPULARITY 

AALBORG, DENMARK—A 37-year-old 
Italian. hairdresser who claims he's had 
sex with more than 2000 Danish girls 
in the past seven years has been sen- 
fenced to а year in prison for "procur- 
ing” and for illegal sex with a minor 
In insisting he would appeul, the de- 
fendant argued that teenage girls had 
kept his beauty parlor under virtual 
siege, offering to scrub floors, wash win- 
dows or perform other services in order 
to seduce him. “These Danish girls 
simply could not leave me alone,” he 
told the judge. The judge responded, 
"I'm glad I'm not as charming as you.” 


61 


PLAYBOY 


62 


not the case. I recently had а complete 
hysterectomy as a lifesaving procedure. 
The second night at home, I popped а 
pain pill and spent an evening in bed 


with my husband. Т had as good а time 
as ever and am now confident that I will 
be interested in sex as long as there's 
So, 


blood coursing through my veins. 
ladies, don't hesitate to get 
needs fixing fixed. Then get into bed with 
your guy and hang up your 


ABORTION RESPONSIBILITY 

I am writing with regard to the letter 
“More on Abc and your response 
that appeared in the June Playboy Fo- 
rum. The letter itself is, I think, a 
reasonably clearheaded, logical defense 


tion” 


of the point of view of intelligent an 
abortionists. Your comments following 
the letter, however, suggest a lack of 
understanding of the relationship be- 
tween freedom and responsibility. The 
point is that women and the men they 
are having sex with should have enough. 
sense of responsibility to make use of 
the variety of birth-control methods 
available to them. rather than depend on 
abortion or the “morning after” pill. 
Human beings have the intelligence to 
understand the laws of cause and effect, 
nd if they do not use that intelligence 
provide birth control before concep- 


tion, they a aply irresponsible. 
Please reconsid. r position. There is 
no argument s right to 


control her own body, only the expecta- 
tion that she also exhibit the degree of 


FORUM FOLLIES 


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also guarantees important In- 
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Dear Reader: 

There was, as it turns out, a great 
big hole in the prostitution scene. 

But nobody knew just how big it 
was until in the summer of 1978, 


National Prostitute came along and 
filled it. 

You see, prostitutes with ambitions 
and aspiretions— prostitutes like you, 
1 trust—soon outgrow the established 
prostitute magazines. You can only 
go over the ABCs of prostitution so 
many times. 

But what happens next? You look 
for a magazine for advanced prosti- 
tutes, а magazine that will help you 
explore the creative frontiers of pros- 
titution—and you find nothing. A 
hole. There isn't any such magazine. 

Or, more properly, there wasn't any 
such magazine. Now there's National. 
Prostitute, the gorgeous new maga- 
zine that is edited exclusively for 
advanced creative prostitutes—the 
amateur stars, the skilled hobbyists, 
the seasoned professionals. 

We've been working on National 
Prostitute for years, and we confi- 
dently expected to make a splash 
with it. 

What we made was more like a 
tidal wave! 

Response to our first subscription 
offer was three times what we had 
hoped for! And when our maiden 
issue went into the mail, the reaction 
from subscribers ranged from con- 
gratulatory through enthusiastic up 
to just this side of delirium. 

Accept the current issue of Nation- 
al Prostitute with our compliments. 
Mail the enclosed Introductory Sub- 
scriber Cerd right now. 

Sincerely, 
Sparkie Waller, Publisher 


It's not our policy to promote pros- 
titution or weird publishing ventures, 
nor is it our policy to deceive readers. 
But when the above material arrived 
in the mail, we blinked and then 
learned, through an ettached letter of 
explanation, that our leg was being 
pulled. It seems that Sparkie Waller, 
as a senior at the University of Ala- 


bama, took a marketing class in 
which he was given an assignment 
to promote—as merely a student 
project, of course—“an illegal prod- 
uct or service.” We've decided to 
share his interesting promotional ma- 
terial with “Playboy Forum" readers 
and we hope he got an A in his mar- 
keting class, or maybe a P—for put-on. 


responsibility for her actions that all 
people should be expected to show to- 
ward one another and their children. 
Make every child a wanted child—but 
through birth control, not abortion. 
I. Barber 
Gimli, Manitoba 
We published the letter to which you 
refer because we also considered it an 
articulate defense of the anti-abortion 
position. And we limited our response to 
the issue that was raised. You raise a 
different tssue—one with which we pari- 
ly agree: Contraception is always prefer- 
able to abortion. This leaves us with two 
problems. One is that no ordinary form 
of contraception is so desirable or effec 
live that it will avoid all unwanted 
pregnancies. The second problem is that 
people, being human, are not perfect, 
and some are plain stupid. But that 
would be no reason to make abortions 
illegal or for taxpayers to support more 
unwanted, unloved children. 


LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT 

I've rarely been so pissed off as I was 
tonight after reading the letter from the 
jerk in Granite City, Ilinois (The Playboy 
Forum, May). I refer to his remarks about 
the Wisconsin park ranger who arrested 
him for pot possession. 

We in Wisconsin live in a climate most 
people would consider intolerable. We 
pay taxes second to none. We do so not 
because we are all crazy but because we 
enjoy our relatively crimefree, stable 
quality of lite 

Each year, I see more and more people 
from Illinois and other nearby states 
come to Wisconsin to enjoy the re 
tional areas we, the taxpayers, provide, 
Then some shithead outsider compla 
about our laws. I submit that anyone who 
cannot abide by our laws should stay out. 
If not smoking pot or breaking any of 
the laws that our legislators enact is 100 
much to ask, stay im corrupt Illinois, 
where anything goe 

(Name withheld by request) 
Brookfield, Wiscon: 


ile 


VICTIMLESS CRIME 
What perfect timing. You published 
letters in May from two Tampa attorneys 
complaining about local vice busts in the 
same issue in which you printed Jules 
Siegel's article Working the Street. 
As Siegel points out, vice is not a 
timless crime. But these Tampa 
seem to disagree and want to defend a 
man's right to beat off in public rest 


rooms. Maybe that's not a particularly 
n 


nous crime, but where do we draw the 
ne? If we let people masturbate at night 
t rest room, do we let them do it 
g the daytime, According. to 
liberal lawyer friends, we probably 
do. Until they walk into that rest room 

ith their kid in hand and that kid asks, 
“Daddy, why is that man pulling his 
ing?” Then Daddy turns red, hauls the 


too? 


Kid out, calls a cop and complains that 
morality is going to hell. 
пале at how cops 


d lawyers 


Tampa, Fle 
The atiorneys were hardly advocating 
public masturbation, just commenting on 
police priorities (no children were or 
could have been involved under the 
circumstances). But you are right. "Vic- 
timless crime" is a misnomer, in that 
most illegal activity, even when as harm- 
less as brewing a bottle of bootleg beer 
during Prohibition, begins to generate 
social problems, and soon “victims,” once 
it becomes a source of criminal profits. 
But, as we've explained before, viclimless 
is a law-enforcement term meaning that 
the illegal act is consensual—as in a drug 
transaction ог a prostitution case—and 
there is no “complainant” other than the 
police themselves. Perhaps a belter term 
would be “consensual crimes,” to dis- 
tinguish them from crimes against people 
and property. 


SPEEDY TRIAL 
Just a short note to let you know what 
an honor it has been to work with such a 
fine group as the Playboy Foundation. I 
wrote "The Right to a Speedy 
(Forum. Library, May). and the response 
has been excellent. The manual, which 
was printed with the help of the Foun- 
dation, has been distributed nationwide 
to more than 1000 lawyers, judges, legi: 
ators. prisoners and others 
Many people expressed appreciation 
that Playboy took an interest in this im- 
portant constitutional right, which is 
often violated due to vague and un 
forced laws. Hopefully, this situation will 
change as others become involved. 
Noal Solomon, Director 
Speedy Trial Law Project 
Atlanta, Georgia 


BIBLE BELTERS WIN 
I must compliment Dave Uhde on his 
sensible comments in the June Playboy 
Forum 
I agree that the 1978 Kentucky Gen- 
eral Assembly passed an unconstitutional 
pill requiring the posting of the Ten 
Commandments in public classrooms. 
an old adage that seems ap- 
man has followed 
1 his life but 
never managed to catch up with thet 
Such legislation can best be described 
as typical American governmental big- 
try of the most repulsive sor 
Charles Garian 
Richmond, Virginia 


There’: 


KILLING WITH KINDNESS 

Anyone who would state that a lethal 
injection is no better a mode of dying 
than boi oil or burning at the 
stake, albeit the end is death, is either a 


hopeless ignoramus or a deliberate liar. 
Scott Christianson should not have 
wasted a whole page of The Playboy 
Forum in condemning a specific method 
when his passion is undoubtedly ant 
capital punishment, in which case no 
method of execution would satisfy him 
(see “Killing with Kindness.” April). 

Christianson is withou 
those high-minded theoreticians who 
have no intimate personal contact with 
brutal cold-blooded murderers. killing 
senselessly a lot of innocent people, and 
who have no qualms about repeating 
their crimes. He is typical of those who 
seek personal glory by championing the 
cause of murderers, while completely for- 
getting the dev ion inflicted on the 
vicums and their families. 

There is abundant evidence that an 
impressive percentage of murderers are 
nrepentant, That fact aside, the increas- 
ing clamor to reinstate the death penalty 
is an indication that the majority fee 
that justice is not being done by the pres- 
ent solt method of incarceration. This loss 


doubt one of 


“The mere thought of 
‘humane’ execution 


is appalling.” 


of faith in the effectiveness of our justice 
system does more harm to our society 
than the doubtful benefits of preserving 
our unregenerate murderers. The cliché 
that states that an executed murderer has 
never been known to kill anyone again is 
a comforting truth to reasonable people. 
J. D. SerabjitSingh, M.D. 
‘Amherst, New York 


‘The mere thought of “humane” execu- 
tion is appalling. Has anyone ever both- 
ered to assess the magnitude of the 
mental and physical stress a murder vic- 
tim must undergo prior to his or her 
death? The long waiting on death row, 
the agony of uncertainty and the ev 
tual execution, however painful, seem 
fitting justice for the crime commited. 
Charles Cusumano 


If the eye-for-an-eye folks insist upon 
extracting the ultimate price [rom capital 
offenders, then they should have to con- 
tinue to do it in the old gory, agonizing 
ys. If there's even a shred of conscience 
or guilt left in you toward killing a fel- 
low, albeit antisocial, member of society, 
1, for one, am not in favor of making the 
event any easier for you by adopting the 
so-called humane needle. 

Arthur Gordon 

New York, New York 


Tm impressed that тслувоү has Ше 
courage to oppose capital punishment in 
the face of overwhelming public support 
of any frustrated society's favorite form 
of barbarism. I particularly like the qu 
n Christianson raised: Why do we kill 
people who kill people to show that kill 
ing people is wrong? For the simple- 
minded who think the state has a 
God-given right to take life, their patron 
saint should be the Ayatollah Khomeini. 
Withhold my name to spare me а 
flaming crosses in my front yard. 
(Name withheld by request) 
Orangeburg, South Garolina 


Jf the whole matter weren't so tragi 
wed enthusiasm for capital p 
1 via the needle would be laugh- 
able. Why do proponents think that the 
speed or econoi h which we murder 
our murderers makes the act any more 
palatable. or moral or humane? Gas, 
bullets, gallows, electricity or injection: 
Dead is dead, killing is killing. 

(Name withheld by request) 

Biloxi, Mississippi 


I see that PLAYBOY is opposed to the 
death penalty. Only a twisted mind could 
consider killing a good thing. but the: 
are times when it is the only answer that 
makes sense. 

There is an old-fashioned concept 
called justice. 1t means a person gets wha 
he deserves. If he demonstrates by his 
actions that he is willing and able to kill 
he must receive the treatment һе deserves. 
Justice would concern itself only with 
reasonable proof that he had committed 
murder. It would recognize that he had. 
forfeited all rights because he chose то 
destroy the rights of another, It would 
recognize my rights and those of his 
potential next victim. 


Everett DeJager 
Cincinnati, Ohio 
We oppose the death penalty on too 
many grounds to list here, but if you 
care to read the editorial in our January 
1977 issue, we think you'll find our rea- 
sons more practical than humanitarian, 
Basically, we beliewe that what state ex- 
ecutions really do is provide a certain 
moral respectability to killing, virtually 
condoning murder as an appropriale те- 
sponse lo certain grievances, instead of 
holding human life to be inviolate under 
апу circumstances. 


THE LAW'S THE LAW 

Perhaps R. Н. Rutowski’s opinion 
(The Playboy Forum, June) that w 
should let American prisoners in foreign 
jails “rot” rather than spend taxpayers? 
money to attempt to obtain their release 
is based on his own limited travel experi- 
ence. If so, an educational trip to Ti 
jua Mexico, might be in order. Ther 
he would encounter what is perhaps the 
most corrupt law-enforcement agency in 
the world. He may be arrested and jailed 


PLAYBOY 


simply for jaywalking or for complaining 
about a crooked shopkeeper. Should he 


® have insufficient funds to purchase his 
r О freedom, he may be submitted to the 
э atrocities, and humiliation documented 


in these pages and elsewhere by the thou- 


omfort and sands of foreign prisoners before him. 
In fairness, Mexico does not hold a 
d monopoly on corruption; indeed, Amer 
urability to boot. icans are still prime targets for corrupt 
officals everywhere, But Rutowski 


shouldn't take my word for it. I hear 
Tijuana is great this time of year, pal. 
Just be sure to take plenty of pesos or 
be prepared to “rot” with the rest of the 
“cruds” down there. 

Michael Furlong 

San Diego, California 


It is appalling when an individual 
blindly supports the letter of the law 
(anybody's law) without regard to possi- 
ble infringement of personal rights. That 
is just what Rutowski does in his letter. 

Rutowski displays his naïveté of fi 
quently fickle foreign laws and judicial 
systems when he suggests we let Ameri- 
cans rot who are guilty (or not) ot 
“breaking someone's law." It is just that 
kind of “good citizen” who will tolerate 
any adventure or harebrained scheme, as 
long as it’s “the law"—good stuff like 
Prohibition, the draft, pot laws, the ] 
anese internment during World War 
Two and even the income tax. 

I have to conclude that by good citi- 
zen Rutowski's own reasoning, he should 
himself be imprisoned, for surely, some- 
where, sometime, somchow he was also 
guilty of breaking someone's law. 

Michael S. Ramsey 
Voorhees, New Jersey 


MONTANA DRUG LAW 
This is to advise you of the Montana 
Supreme С ruling on the 
К state's drug 
Itfeels- TAN о х In State ex rel. Zander ws. District 
greatand lasts: ә Court, the court ruled that the Montana 
statute that provides that person com- 


long. That's wha È 
makes С еа mits a criminal sale of dangerous drugs 
by cultivating marijuana is unconstitu- 


Boots one Е world's. 's classic: = tional on its face. The court held that the 
vs statute created a “conclusive and irrebut- 

Only Clarks gives'yot е опо! | | table presumption of ‘sale’ of marijuana 
Boot, created for the British Army over 40 yea S apa from cultivation thereof." The court re- 
ago. Today it's still crafted with soffsand suede Ё lied on a case cited to it in our Red Lodge 
~’and long wearing plantation crepe soles: You ^ * 4 appeal for holding that a statutory pre- 
wont believe a shoe can be so rugged, yetso ` LOS ARES | sumption cannot be sustained if there 


2 luxurious. * | no rational connection between the fact 
. insiston the first and finest Desert Boot, fis * proved and the ultimate fact presumed. 
men and women from Clarks. It's got comfort to С In applying this test to the Montana 


sparé—and durability to boot. + =. | law, the court wisely decided that cultiva- 

55 | tion (the fact proved) bears no rational 
connection to sale (the fact presumed) 
and said that: 


OF ENGLAND. 
Made by skilled hands the world over. 
Available in boot or oxford.Clarks shoes priced from $25.00. 
For the store nearest you write Clarks, 
Box 92, Belden Station, Norwalk, CT 06852-Dept./DB-PL10 


Marijuana cultivators are not ipso 
facto marijuana sellers, Common ex 
perience indicates that many ma 
juana users cultivate the plant for 


their own use, particularly, where, as 
. small amounts are cultivated 
within the confines of one's closet. 


Justice Daniel J. Shea did not think 
the court went far cnough in its ruling 
and his dissent may prove to be a classic 
treatise on the present state of marijuana 
laws in relation to the right of privacy. 
Still, it is heartening to sec that the court 
small step in resolying the idiocy 
vs that equated the growing of mari- 
with the sale of heroin and other 
dangerous drugs 

It would have been more personally 
satisfying to have seen this decision ren- 
dered in the Red Lodge appeal, but it is 
encouraging to me as an attorney to see 
that rationality and justice prevail occa- 
sionally in this state, I think that 
Playboy's support throughout the Red 
Lodge case softened the ground and was 
instrumental in preparing the way for 
this sort of decision. However, Montana 
citizens should not yet come out of the 
closer, as Zander has now been charged 
with felony possession. 


Patrick G, Piter 
Attorney at Law 
Billings, Montana 
Pitet was a court-appointed defense 
attorney in the Red Lodge “pot planta- 
case, which we covered. extensively 
in “The Playboy Forum" (February 1977, 
July 1977, September 1977, December 
1977, Seplember 1978). That case did not 
reach the Montana Supreme Court, be- 
cause the prosecution ultimately dropped 
charges when the defendants agreed to 
withdraw their civil rights suits against 
several law-enforcement and other state 
officials. A paragraph from Justice Shea's 
opinion deserves quoting: 


Т can think of no law that is move 
oppressive to a significant percent- 
age of the cilizens of this state than 
one which singles them out and sub- 
jects them to searches and seizures in 
the home, where the conduct pro- 
scribed has not been shown lo be 
injurious to the public or, for that 
matter, injurious to the individual 
when compared to alcohol or tobac- 
co. It cannot be a compelling state 
interest for the state to attempt. to 
protect an individual from his own 
folly by subjecting him to invasions 
oj his privacy and criminal. sanc- 
tions, simply because he has chosen 
10 possess Or use marijuana in the 
privacy of his home. 


“The Playboy Forum" offers the 
opportunity for an extended dialog 
between readers and editors of this 
publication on contemporary. issues. Ad- 
dress all correspondence to The Playboy 
Forum, Playboy Building, 919 North 
Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. 


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65 


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PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: BURT REYN OLDS 


a candid conversation with hollywood's box-office champ about acting, 
television, jealousy, success and—repeatedly—the women in his life 


By now, the fellow smiling impishly 
on this month's cover needs no introdu 
lion; but in case you've been away for 
the past ten ус his name is Burt 
Reynolds and he’s a movie star. In fact, 
he’s the world's biggest movie star, even 
though he stands only 55", weighs 122 
pounds and likes sheep and young boys. 
Only kidding there, Burl. Reynolds is ac- 
tually about six feet tall, weighs around 
475 and likes women. Boy. does he like 
women. His reputation as a hyperactive 
Lothario has been fueled by rumored ro- 
mances with everyone from Catherine 
Deneuve and Lauren Hutton to such 
non-Hollywood types as tennis ace Cliris 
Evert and country singer Tammy Wy- 
nette. But that’s only rumor. The docu- 
mented loves of his life have been ex-wife 
(and former “Laugh-In” comedienne) 
Judy Carne, Dinah Shore and his current 
flame, Sally Field. 

For most of this decade, Reynolds has 
labored in low-level action films that 
critics have hated but moviegoers have 
loved. Now firmly entrenched as the 
screens leading box-office attraction, 
Reynolds reportedly gets $3,000,000 a 
picture, and that's just when he hires out 
as an actor. Reynolds is also п director, 


"I know this really isn’t the PLAYBOY 
philosophy, but 1 don’t screw around: 
When I'm involved with one woman, Pm 
involved with one woman, period. [But] 
between romances, I am carnivorous.” 


and has lately taken a fling at producing 
his own films. “The End" and “Hooper,” 
the two movies he coproduced, between 
them will gross about 5100,000,000. 
Reynolds has vaulted to superstardom 
on the strength of his charm and comedic 
skills. In most of his roles—including his 
detective duties in “Shamus,” "Fuzz" and 
“Hustle”—he portrays а kind of macho 
pixy who often doesn't t himself or 
even the film he's in very 
in “Smokey and the Bandi 
with the Wind” of good-ol’-boy movies— 
the film's biggest laugh comes when 
Reynolds breaches cinema’s third wall by 
winking at the audience. And it's an 
audience he has shrewdly built for him- 
self through frequent appearances on 
“The Tonight Show” and other TV talk 
fests. For a man intent on becoming a 
pro-football player 25 years ago, life has 
sure taken a couple of funny bounces. 
Born on February 11, 1936, Reynolds 
grew up in Riviera Beach, Florida—not 
far from Palm Beach. He was the son of 
the local police chief. At Palm Beach 
High School, he lettered in baseball, bas- 
ketball, track and football, his favorite 
sport. A speedy, all-siate running back, 
Buddy Reynolds received scholarship 


“I wanted the Cosmopolitan thing laid 
out like а Playmate story. Behind the 
centerfold, I wanted to be shown pushing 
a shopping cart and saying, ‘My favorit 
colors are blue and pink and yellow 


offers from 26 colleges and eventually 
settled on Florida State when its then- 
head coach, Tom Nugent, pointed out 
the obutous advantages of attending a 
school whose student body was 75 pe 
cent female. The highlight of Reynolds 
freshman season came against Auburn, 
when he ran 54 yards from scrimmage 
before being knocked cold on the one- 
yard line by a War Eagle tackler named 
Fob James, who has since succeeded 
George Wallace as the governor of Ala- 
bama. The following season, a knee 
injury pul an end to Reynolds’ football 
career, and left him in a state of despair. 
“1 didn't want to end up sitting in a bar 
and talking about the good old days, like 
a lot of old jocks do,” he recently told a 
visitor. "It's shattering when you've been 
someone for a brief period in your life, 
and then suddenly it’s over and you're 
nothing.” 

Reynolds left Florida State and en- 
rolled at Palm Beach Junior College, 
where, at the suggestion of an English 
teacher, he tried ош for—and got—the 
role John Garfield made famous in “Out- 
ward Bound.” “At that point, I realized 
I needed to be better than everybody else 
at something, but I didn't know what,” 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARIO CASILLI 
“Гуе become the number-one box-office 
star in the world not because of my mov- 
ies but in spite of them, Critics told 
people they'd be fools to sce the movies, 
but people went to see them anyway.” 


67 


PLAYBOY 


he recalled. “Athletes are performers, 
and when I got the part, 1 realized acting 
might be exactly what I was looking for.” 

After à year of junior college, Reyn- 
olds worked in summer stock and then 
moved to New York City, where he 
studied acting under Wynn Handman of 
the Neighborhood Playhouse. He then 
became а stunt man оп TV. dramas, 
which led to a Universal contract and 
featured roles in “Riverboat” and “Gun- 
smoke.” Following a period during which 
he played bad guys on innumerable TV 
series, Reynolds landed a series of his 
own in 1966, when he starved in “Hawk.” 
Since then, he hasn't often been out of 
the public eye. 

To interview Hollywood's reigning 
male sex symbol, vxavmoy sent free- 
lancer Lawrence Linderman to meet with 
Reynolds at his home in the Holmby 
Hills section of Los Angeles. Linderman 
reports: 

“When he's not on his ranch in Flor- 

ida, Burt Reynolds lives in a handsome 
Spanish-style home that, thanks to Cali- 
fornia’s insane real-estate spiral, is now 
worth several million dollars. The two- 
story house contains a number of expen- 
sive and exquisile Western paintings, a 
recent enthusiasm of Reynolds’, and out- 
side ther $50,000 tennis court and 
what appears to be ап Olympic-size 
tiled swimming pool. 
When I met him, Reynolds was wear- 
ing tapered white-salin swim trunks and 
black Nike running shoes. Without too 
much in the way of preliminaries, I fol- 
Towed him out of the house, down a 
steep flight of stone steps and around 
back to the pool, passing a garaged Rolls- 
Royce and a Trans Am on the way. 
Reynolds ts built like a tall middleweight 
boxer, well muscled but thin. ‘You can 
never be too rich or 100 thin,’ he told 
me when we gol to the pool. He then 
lay back in a chaise longue, spread sun 
lotion on himself and proceeded to work 
on his tan. Bruiser, his huge Rhodesian 
Ridgeback, sat at his fect. 1 sat at his feet. 
I'm very good at sitting at the feet of 
celebrities. I felt like 1 was back inter- 
viewing Muhammad Ali, except that 
Muhammad's got the game down to a 
science: He whispers. 

“Reynolds, as it turns out, is a highly 
candid man who's a lot friendlier than 
he lets on at first, especially to people 
bearing tape recorders. After a rather 
stiff first meeting, Reynolds and 1 wound 
up talking for more than 13 hours, and 
the resulting interview will, I think, sur- 
prise a number of readers. Before meet- 
ing him, I'd been struck by the number 
of times he'd talked about wanting to be 
known as an accomplished actor. И pro- 
vided the opening subject for our 
interview." 


PLAYBOY: For almost two years now, 
е been publicly campaigning to be 


taken more seriously as am actor. Is it 
paying off? 

REYNOLDS: Yes, I think it is. For a long 
time, Гуе felt that inside this well-paid 
movie star is a starving artist, which 
makes me want to run in the other room 
and throw up—but does sum things up 
in a Sidney Sheldon sort of way. If you 
want to be a serious actor, you have to 
have serious material. I'm seeing bener 
pts now, and Гуе heard from three of 
the directors Га like to work with, but 
that’s only just starting to happen. The 
kind of serious material I'm looking for 
is something like One Flew over the 
Cuckoo’s Nest. 1 don't think 1 could 
have done that wonderfully crazy charac- 
ter better than Jack Nicholson, but that 
character was not out of my range. 
PLAYBOY: Did you want that part? 
REYNOLDS: Desperately. As a matter of 
fact, Milos Forman, who directed the 
picture, came to talk to me in Nashville 
about it, and it was between Jack and 
me as far as Milos was concerned. The 
problem I usually run into is that when 


"Let's face it, 
when I made ‘Smokey,’ I 
did not go out and 
buyatux for the 
Academy Awards.” 


I finally find a screenplay I like. the 
director feels that if he signs Burt Rey 
olds, he's selling out because he's 
ing the most commercial actor in town. 
If he wants to be known as an auteur 
and stay in good stead with the New 
York critics, he'll instead hire one of 
the darlings—Robert DeNiro, Al Pacino 
or Dustin Hofin lot of directors in 
this town don’t realize that the hardest 
thing to do in movies is to make chicken 
salad out of chickenshit, and I've done 
that a lot. In fact, Гуе done that more 
often than not. Out of all the movies 
I've been in, I've had may! 
derful scripts to work with—Deliverance, 
Starting Over and The Longest Yard, 
the only onc that was written for me. 
PLAYBOY: Are you saying that people in 
the movie industry don’t think you can 
act your way out of a paper bag? 
REYNOLDS: No, because that sounds like 
Im sitting in this huge mansion in 
Beverly Hill, making a ridiculous 
amount of money and poormouthing 
my life and my career. At the same time, 
it does make me unhappy that this in- 
dustry doesn't realize what I've done to 
become a movie star. This isn’t the first 
time I've said this, but it bears repeating: 
I've become the number-one box-office 


star in the world not because of my mov- 
ies but in spite of them. These were mov- 
des critics told people they'd be fools to 
see, but people went to see them anyway. 
PLAYBOY: Were the critics right? 

REYNOLDS: Of course they were right! But 
they were wrong in the sense that they 
didn't know what the public wanted to 
sec. They weren't wrong about the mate- 
al, which was rather lightweight, but 
why didn't they mention that I rose 
above the material? You know, if I were 
wonderful at playing a one-legged goose, 
I would get 1000 onc-legged-goose parts. 
I happen to be really good at throwaway 
comedy, and so that's what typecasting 
comes down to in my case. I've done a 
Southern accent in at least a half-dozen 
films, but I also do a great Irish. accent, 
a great Indian accent—I do а lot of 
accents, because I have a good car, but I 
haven't been offered a chance to use any 
of the others. Let me give you an anal- 
ору: О. J. Simpson was drafted by the 
Buffalo Bills, and as an actor. І was 
drafted into certain movies. Other р 
were drafted into other types of movies. 
They had better blocking, better man- 
agement and better coaching. Inciden- 
tally, if some people are reading this 
interview right now and saying, "What 
an ungrateful asshole Reynolds is,” let 
me remind them that I'm not ungrateful, 
that I care yery much about the public 
and have tried to show it in every way 
I know how. 

PLAYBOY: It sounds like you're di 
litle grandstanding. И you feel t 


what critics call your good-ol"-boy pic- 
tures—films like White Lightning, Gator, 
W.W.and the Dixie Dancekings, Smokey 
and the Bandit. and so forth—are light- 
weight, why do you appear in them? 

ause I love them. I equate 


REYNOLDS: Be 
them with Chinese food: They're won- 
derful, but an hour after you leave the 
theater, you want to see another movie. 
People are not going to sit around a 
party intellectually discussing a movie 
like Smokey and the Bandit. It is not a 
monumental, historyanaking film. You've 
got to call it what it is: a Saturday- 
afternoon rainy-day movie that will 
make you laugh, feel good and have a 
lot of fun, which is why you may want to 
sce it more than once. But there aren't 
any awards for that type of picture, and 
it’s not going to be the highlight of any 
film festivals. Let's face it, when I made 
Smokey, 1 did not go out and buy a tux 
for the Academy Awards. The reason 
I'm mentioning Smokey is because it's a 
phenomenon: Smokey and the Bandit 
has made morc than $200,000,000 and is 
one of the five top-grossing movies ever. 
[Official film-indusuy sources believe 
Reynolds’ figures to be high—Ed.] 

PLAYBOY: What made that particular 
Reynolds good-ol'-boy film work so well? 
REYNOLDS: A lot of it was luck, because 


Burt Reynolds and forthcoming Ploymate Gig Gangel were so inspired during their photo shooting that we wanted you to see what we 
couldn't use on the cover, Of the last shot, Burt says, “Thot’s my number-three supercool look. I’ve never manoged more than o two before.“ 69 


PLAYBOY 


70 


the script for Smokey was one of the 
worst I'd ever read. I really think it was 
y of the people involved and 
at it was time for somebody to do a 
C.B. picture, although there'd been a 
picture out called Cilizens Band and it 
1 bombed. Hal Needham, my room- 


world at that time, and he came up 
with the idea for Smokey and wanted to 
direct it. I took him over to United Art- 
ts and they said if I'd be in it, he could 
become a director—but that he'd have to 
direct Convoy, another C.B. movie that 
later went right into the toilet. Hal then 
went to Universal, and they gave him a 
go-ahead. I had only four weeks available 
before my next picture, but Hal in- 
ously figured out how I could do it 
in that little time, and alter that, we 
went to work. And we just improvised 
rything. Gleason pretty much ad- 
libbed his entire part, Sally Field—who 
was ready to happen—is а terrific im- 
proviser and I'm real good at it. too. 
And for a country singer, Jerry Reed is 
phenomenal We'd all just sit around 
nd do shtick together, and somehow it 
ind of fit. Smokey was a Happening, 
nd it will never happen again like that. 
PLAYBOY: Perhaps not, but your next 
good-ol-boy film. Hooper. was also an 
mous box-office success. Why do you 
ble to draw people into 


thea > 

REYNOLDS: I think it’s because I have Ше 
ability to make people happy and to 
have them say, “I like him.” People 
red of getting screwed by everyth 
nd everybody, and in my pictures, I 
ke to play this character who's not qu 
ll there, who steps down from his truck 
nd scrapes the manure off his boots 
and who's always fighting for his dignity 
He's anti-cstablishment, he's funny and 
he's somebody to cheer for—a hero. 
105 one thing to do that kind of film 
and quite another to do a film for the 
Bel Air circuit and the New York film 
critics. Films are made for them, and the 
successful ones ke all of $3,000,000. 
PLAYBOY: Would you care to name a few? 
REYNOLDS: Oh, there's lots of ‘em, but 
some have been made by friends of mine, 
nd they are friends, so I'd rather not 
mention them. 

PLAYBOY: How about giving us the titles 
in French? 

REYNOLDS: Some of those films are French. 
I remember that period when France 
used to send us all these crumple 
black-and-white movies U looked as if 
the negative had been deliberately 
scratched up and jumped on, and I a 
ways thought they ran the film back- 
ward. People would actually yell and 
scream how wonderful those things were, 
and somebody would always tap me on 
the shoulder and say, "Isn't this bril- 
liant?” And 1 would say mo. 1 freely 
admit that I'm not an intellectual. I will 
also tell you that my movies don't. play 


the Bel Air circuit, which is where you 
get Academy Award nominations, but I 
have an underground following there: 
Movie executives t to get a 
copy of Smokey and the Bandit for their 
ids, and they end up loving it them- 
selves. It really was the most popular 
movie in this town for two years, but 
nobody thought of it in terms of prestige 
or awards. Right now, whatever film f 
do, the movie-industry response is, “Oh, 
s just another опе of those movies.” I 
promise you that if I'd just come out of 
Greenwich Village and had been acting 
off-Broadway and nobody knew who 
Burt Reynolds was, 1 would have been 
nominated for my work in Semi- Tough. 
"There's no question in my mind about 
I think it was a good performance, 
and I got the best reviews I've ever got- 
ten. The same thing happened with The 
End. Yt was ignored by the film industry 
because, “Oh, it's a Burt Reynolds pic- 
ture and he directed it, so it's probably 
one of those kinds of mo! 
PLAYBOY: What’s responsible for that? 
REYNOLDS: I don't know. 1 think they 
were too busy running around sceing 


“I have the ability 
to make people happy 
and say, I like him? 
People are tired of 
getting screwed by 
everything and everybody.” 
—— 


Autumn Sonata or something. Clint East- 
wood has the same problem I do: He 
ako has a reputation for making the 
same kind of movie over and over 
But J remember when Clint made a film 
called The Beguiled, and no matter how 
brill е Page may have been 
in that movie, it didn't mean anything. 
because it was а Clint Eastwood movie. 
jg really gets me ang 


a terrific performance in The End- 
he was totally overlooked for a Best 
Supporting Actor nomination because 
most members of the Academy did: 
bother to see the film. until well after 
they could've nominated him. But people 
like Mel Brooks thought Dom was bril- 
liant, and on the basis of that film, Dom 
has really gouen hot. He's now costar- 
ring in a movie with Anne Bancrolt and 
he was asked to direct another film. The 
End shot him ely. 

PLAYBOY: Did you expect it to do the 
same for you? 
REYNOLDS: Уе 


nto a new arca cni 


but it didn't. Гуе now 


directed two films; both came in on time, 
both made money and the second one 
made a lol of money. T went from direct- 
ing a redneck Southern picture called 
Gator—which made back the price of 
the negative in Georgia alonc—to a 
really dangerous thin-ice film that eve 
body had turned down for six y 


ars. 
The End was a black comedy about a 


man dy 


ng of a rare blood disease, and 
the flm will wind up grossing about 
540.000.000. I think took great cou 
age to do that movie, but nobody ever 
mentions that. 

PLAYBOY: Arc you telling us you directed 
and starred in The End as an act of 
courage? 

REYNOLDS: What I'm telling you is that 
The End was about a very dangerous 
subject, and I've always felt that if you 
want to move quickly from last place to 
first, you have to do it the most dange 
ous way possible. Instead of tunncling 
my way through. I prefer being shot out 
of a cannon. Somebody's gotta say, 
“Jesus. he got shot out of a cannon!" 
But nobody did. Meanwhile, I did the 
best job I could with a very difficu 
subject and made an enterta g 
cessful film that I'm really very proud of. 
And if I had to do The End over a 
there're only two things I'd change: I'd 
take out a lot of the profanity and all of 
the Polish jokes, because they weren't 
necessary. But otherwise, 1 wouldn't 
change a thing. 

PLAYBOY: Are vou mow planning to 
abandon the good-ol-boy films in favor 
of weightier roles? 

REYNOLDS: No, and that’s a misconception 
everybody seems to have. Those films 
don't chafe me in any way. If I could do 
a Coming Home, I'd go right back and 
make Smokey Goes to Paris. Let me put 
t this way: I saw Burt Lancaster in The 
Crimson Pirate on TV the other night, 
and I enjoyed every minute of it. Im 
sure that Burt got to the point in his 
reer where he said, "I'm not gonna do 
crap anymore.” So he formed Hecht- 
Hill-Lancaster and suddenly he was in 
films like The Devil's Disciple. 1 love 
Burt's work, but when І sat there watch: 
ing The Crimson Pirale, 1 found myself 
jumping up and down and enjoying 
him 1000 times more than watching him 
in some of his later films. And 100 years 
from now, who's to say whether, if I did 
my Coming Home, people wouldn't say, 
“What do you want to see tonight? God, 
lets not see anything heavy. Let's look 
at Smokey and the Bandit.” Y am really 
in the business of being an entertainer, 
not like those guys whe live in lofts. 
PLAYBOY: Are you referring to the actors 
you mentioned earlier—DeNiro, ‘ino 
id Hoffman? 

REYNOLDS: 5 l am, but my jealousy 
isn't directed at them, it’s directed to- 
ward the Coppolas and other directors 
who won't give me a shot because I'm a 
movie star. So they keep going back to 


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PLAYBOY 


the guys who hide in their lofts and 
who come out to act and then go back 
into hiding. But they don't have to hide, 
be 


knows who they are. 


use nobody 
When was the last time you heard some 
one say, "Let's go see DeNiro?” In New 
York, maybe, but in Iowa or Alabama: 
Name the most respected actors in Amer 
ica and you'll be shocked at how many 
people don't know who they are. I mean. 
people will know about a movie that 


won six Academy Awards, and they'll 
say. "Hey, we better go see that thing 
Martha, hot damn!" But they don't 


know who those people are. Those guys 
can walk right down the street, and if 
anybody recognizes them. he thinks 
they're one of the two other guys. And 
that really pisses all three of them off, 
which is probably why they hide. | must 
get off this by saying that I don't know 
DeNiro or Pacino, but I like their work. 
I know Dustin only because a few years 
ago I went over to him and told him I 
thought he was the best actor in Amer- 
ica. I'm not sure that's true now, but at 
that time I think it was. Anyway. 1 met 
him, he was wonderful and charming 
and funny, and I liked him a lot. 
PLAYBOY: If you don't have any animosity 
toward those guys, why do you do num 
bers on them? 

REYNOLDS: Because I think they “safe” it 
а lot im terms of who they are, not in 
terms of their work. They have this 


mystique about them and they own the 
New York critics. I mean, they own 
them. You know, I think it would be 
very interesting if the four of us were to 
have an acting contest. I would like to 
see me doing The Deer Hunter or De- 
Niro’s new film, The Raging Bull, and 
I'd like to sce him play Billy Clyde Puck- 
eu in Sem Tough. 1 would like to play 
Lenny and see Hoffman do W.W. and 
the Dixie Dancekings. Vd like to do Dog 
Day Afternoon and see Pacino do Smok- 
ey and the Bandit. And then we'd really 
see who came up to the standards of the 
other actors. 
PLAYBOY: Wh: 
come would be? 
REYNOLDS: I think ГА be able to do ріс. 
tures they've done better than they could 
do pictures I've done. To put it another 
I can do bad material better than 
they can. and I can do good material 
almost as well, and some of it as well. I 
don't really think I could do Dog Day 
Afternoon beuer than Pacino—he was 
brilliant in it—but I think I'd shock 
people with how good I'd be. I'd do it 
differently, but I'd blow some people 
away with my performance. 

PLAYBOY: Is it possible not to resent 
actors who get roles you'd like to play? 
REYNOLDS: | resent it only when some- 
body gets a chance to do something won- 
derful and screws it up. Otherwise, no. 
For instance, I like Jimmy 


do you suspect. the out- 


way 


and 1 wanted the part of Sonny in The 
Godfather. Jimmy did it well, so how 
can 1 resent him for that? What 1 do 
resent is that I absolutely could not get 
in the door. As far as those other actors 
go. the fact that I'm jealous of the parts 
they've played—in spite of the suc 
cess Буе had—is the highest compliment 
1 can give them. If Robert Redford went 
around saying. “Why didn't 1 get W.W. 
and the Dixie Dancekings?" Yd be so 
thrilled Га write him a fan letter 
PLAYBOY: Do vou know Redford? 
REYNOLDS: No. never met him. People say 
that he’s perfect. I'm told that he's very 
businesslike, has a good mind and is 
ly smart about Bob Redford. and I 
believe it. And until I did this interview, 
I thought I was real smart about me. 
PLAYBOY: Are you wo 
come off as the funny guy people sce on 
The Tonight Show? 

REYNOLDS: ] just find that my humor 
comes out of inflection and timing. and 
doesn't really wanslate all that well in 
print. 1 mean, I can sit around and say 
what | think are amusing thir 
people will laugh and then, when I read 
what I've said, I havent been funny at 
all, just biting and bitchy, so I have to 
be careful. You know, people usually 
come to interview me with the idea that 
Il be The Ton 
don't do it for them, it pisses ‘em olf and 
they write, "He's a sullen, pseudo-intel- 


ied that you won't 


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lectual man." I don't believe in being on 
all the time, and when I want to do The 
Tonight Show, Vl do it on TV 

PLAYBOY: Is it unreasonable for people 
who've seen your films and 
watched you on The Tonight 
assume that that’s who you are? 
REYNOLDS: unre at all, 
and they're right, that is me, but that 
isn't all of ine. I mean, I go into the 
crapper, too, and it doesn’t come out in 
a little plastic bag once a month. And I 
actually get sick and I cry at movies and 
I sometimes have trouble breathing. I 
guess what I'm saying is that I can step 
back and talk about Burt Reynolds the 
movie star and the Tonight Show guest 
and the rest of who I am, and sometimes 
they're all three combined and some- 
times they're not. But it doesn't cause me 
to go to a shrink, because this kind of 
thing is true of most actors, and the ones 
who've destroyed themselves—like Ма 
lyn Monroe—are people who haven't 
been able to step back and look at that. 
PLAYBOY: How important has The To- 
might Show been to your car 
REYNOLDS: It's been morc responsible for 
my success than anything else. The first 
time I was on the show was about 1971, 
and after the first commercial. Johnny 
Carson asked me if I wanted 
guest host and Г said yeah, mostly be. 
cause I was too dumb to be scared. I did 
maybe ten guest shots on The Tonight 


who've 
Show to 


It's not asonable 


to be a 


Show before I finally hosted it, and by 
then I'd made a study of what Johnny 
does. He's really a genius, you know, but 
you only find that out when you sit in 
that chair and have four people with 
you who won't talk or will talk too much, 
and somehow you have to make them all 
comfortable and you also try to make 
them look good. 

PLAYBOY: How do you do that! 
REYNOLDS: By trying to have fun and 
sometimes by getting people into areas 
no onc connects them with, For instance, 
one night Roy Rogers came on and I 
told Га heard he was a swinger 
before he married Dale Evans and he 
said no, he wasn't. I told. him, "Look, 
Dale won't be mad if you tell me about 
those days. She's not here and she's prob- 
ably not even watching the show. And, 
besides, all those adventures you had 
with the ladies came before you met 
her.” And Double R, as I call him, said 
things like, "That doesn't matter with 
her. God, she blames me for everything,” 
and suddenly, you're not dealing with 
Roy Rogers. king of the cowboys, but 
with a married guy who's defending him- 
self, and it was fun, and Rogers is fun. 

à wonderful story about him, 
and if it's true, there's nothing really sac- 
rilegious about it. So I'm sorry, Roy and 
Dale, but І really want to tell it. One 
Sunday, a friend of mine went out to 
the nonsectarian church Roy and Dale 


him 


belong to, and when the service was over, 
he walked out, saw Roy standing under a 
tree and went over to say hello. And Roy 
said, "Hi, did you like the servicez" My 
friend said yes and Roy said, "I'm glad 
you did. You know, it's wonderful for all 
types of people to come under one roof 
and talk to God, each in his own way. 
And then, when you come out here and 
look at the sun shining and the white 
clouds, you just know that there's a Lord 
It makes me feel so good that you know 
what I'm going to do now?” My friend 
asked what and Roy said, "I'm going to 
go home and fuck Dale.” Well. this guy 
fell down laughing and he swears th 
the story's true—and the little bit of time 
I've spent with Double R doesn't make 
me totally doubt it. 

Obviously. you can't put that kind of 
humor on The Tonight Show, but I do 
try to get people talking about things no 
one suspects they're involved in. Any- 
way, the first night I finally hosted the 
show, well, it was unbelievable. I mean, 
even today, people still talk to me 
about it 
PLAYBOY: What was remarkable about it? 
REYNOLDS: Well, when they asked me to 
do it, I told them to get Judy Carne, my 
ex.wile, to be a guest on the show, and 
they asked me if she and I were still 
good friends. I said, “No, I haven't spo- 
ken to Judy in six years and I don't 
want to speak to her until she walks out 


75 


PLAYBOY 


76 


onto the stage. It will be a Happening — 
and itll either go right into the toilet or 
it will be sensational." There was still a 
lot of hostility between us, and there's a 
lot of comedy that comes out of hostil- 
ity—especially my kind of comedy, and, 
knowing Judy, her kind of comedy as 
well. She telephoned me the day of the 
show and asked, “What am I doing 
here?” 1 said, “You're going to be on the 
show tonight, but I don't want to talk 
to you now. so I'm going to hang up on 
you.” She asked if I had any advice for 
her and I said, "Yes, just show up and 
have fun," and that was it. 

That night, Judy and 1 were on for 
more than a half hour together, and it 
was explosive, frightening and beautiful. 
She cried and laughed and made me 
Jaugh and it was just fabulous, especially 
for me, be y line she 
ight line. I mean, the 
ng she said when she sat down 
God, you look good." to which I 
Tm sorry to say, so do vou." She 
asked me what I'd been doing and I said 
‘Oh, just sitting home with my Burt and 
Judy towels. Anybody want any?" She 
then told me she'd bi arried about a 
month before in Centr nd when 


threw me was a st 
first th 


J asked how the wedding went, she said, 
“Well, it rained. I should have known 
right then." Her marriage was already 


in trouble. 

"The audience loved her and wanted us 
to get back together, and there really 
were a lot of sparks flying. You know, a 
lot had happened to me in the six years 
since we'd been divorced. I'd grown up, 
I'd gotten a lot of confidence and I'd 
become an adult, so 1 told her all that 
and said, "You know, whatever prob- 
Jems we had, the divorce was my fault.” 
She said, “No, it was my fault,” and all 
of a sudden we were going back and 
forth about whose fault our divorce was. 
nd we forgot where we were and it was 
very funny. But then she did a dumb 
thing. She asked me who I was dating. 
nd J said a very nice woman, and Judy 
said, "Oh, yeah, I lorgot—you like older 
women 

The audience immediately left her— 
because of Dinah. I mean, you do not 
spit on the American flag, and you do 
not say bad things about Dinah Shore. 
Ever. I really had to let Judy know what 
dumb thing she'd said—1 mean, she 
didn't even feel the audience leaving 
her—and I also had to protect somebody 
«а about. So 1 went for her and 
said, "Not older, Judy, just classier." At 
which point the audience applauded. 
PLAYBOY: Did things deteriorate from 
there? 

REYNOLDS: No. Judy teared up and said, 
“I was a fool to say that and I'm sorry. I 
really respect her. I was just going for a 
joke.” And I said, “I know that and they 
know that, too, and they still love you 
Don't you still love her?” And the audi 
ence applauded and she had them again. 


I took her out and I brought her back, 
which is the m.c.'s job. 1 just didn't want 
the audience to leave disliking her. In 
lact. the rest of the time it was pure 
loving, but very funny and very sad. 
Judy was talking about how shed 
screwed up her life, but not in a real 
I'm-sorry-foramnyselt way. And afterward, 
we went to The Plaza and had a few 
drinks with her mom and dad. whom 
I really like a lot. But I knew it just 
wasn't a good idea to go a further 
than that. 

PLAYBOY: Were you ready to? 

REYNOLDS: I think it could have hap- 
pened, but I was in love with another 
lady. I know this really isn't the PLAYBOY 
philosophy, but 1 don't screw around: 
When Fm involved with one woman, 
I'm involved with one woman. period. 
PLAYBOY: You've never had little lapses? 
REYNOLDS: Only between romances, and 
then Lam Carnivorous. ] mean, there are 
certain paris of the counuy where I 
could get а most-valuable-player ог best- 
all.round-athlete award, but when 1 was 


“After my marriage to 
Judy broke up, I dated a 
lot of girls, to the point 
where I woke up one morn- 
ing and had absolutely no 
idea who that was in 
bed with me.” 


involved with a woman—and I'm in- 
volved now, with Sally 
PLAYBOY: What was the longest time you 
weren't involved with a woman? 
REYNOLDS: Probably the first few years 
alter my marriage to Judy broke up. I 
dated a lot of girls and it finally got to 
the point where I woke up one morning 
and had absolutely no idea who that 
person was in bed with me. I mean, I 
couldn't even remember her face and 1 
recall crawling around on my hands and 
knees to look in her wallet and find out 
her first name. I hoped to God that she 
hadn't borrowed Betty Somebody's driv- 
er's license. 

PLAYBOY: So you were just hopping from 
bed to bed? 

REYNOLDS: Oh, it was hectic. In 1966, 1 
was in New York, doing Hawk on TV 
and having a great time. New York is a 
terrific city filled with beautiful ladies 
and I was meeting them all over town— 
and usually in bars, because I was then 
drinking about a fifth a day. There was 
a lot of action, and it was almost a 
running joke with the crew: Whenever 
a girl came to visit me on the set, we 


used to have to get her out the door 
before the next one came on. I also met 
a lot of women through actor friends, 
and things often happened with actresses 
who came on the show. I never really 
made any overt moves with the actresses, 
because I didn't have to. Women would 
report to work having been told, “Watch 
him, he'll take a run at you," but I 
wouldn't, so by the fourth day of film- 
1 begin wondering why not. 
nd one thing would lead to another. I 
was casy. And then there were airline 
stewardesses who kept flying in and out 
of my life. Fd like to sum this up by 
saying I was just an average guy. 
PLAYBOY: At what point did this 
guy begin confining his activi 
woman? 
REYNOLDS: It was after Hawk ended. I fell 
n love with a beautiful Japanese girl 
named Miko and we lived together for 
about four years. God, she was wonder- 
ful. During the time we were together, 
this very nice, gentle girl saw me in the 
pits and she was there when things 
started to break for me. When we met, 
I was off making some of those movies 
that play at three in the morning or 
three in the afternoon. Did you ever see 
any of those movies that TV stations 
show when they announce, “It's Burt 
Reynolds Week"? All week long, you 
won't see Deliverance or The Longest 
Yard, only garbage like Angel Baby а 
Skullduggery and other films Гуе tri 
to buy so I burn the negatives, 1 
was then making the worst pieces of shit, 
induding a spaghetti Western called 
Navajo Joe. 
PLAYBOY: Was Eastwood then doing his 
spaghetti Westerns? 
REYNOLDS: Yeah, he was. When I got to 
Italy, Clint was doing For a Few Dollars 
More. His salary had jumped from 
$15,000 for A Fistful of Dollars to a fast. 
Clints director was named 


erage 
s to one 


Corbucci, and if we somehow could've 
ched Sergios, the road up might've 
been a lot shorter for me. Corbucci felt 
he was in a contest with Leone, and I 
remember our first script conference. 
He said, "Listen, he killa five guys inna 
first five minoots; we gonna be more 
beeg. You gonna killa hondred guys first 
five minoots.” He meant it, too. I rc- 
saying, "Sergio, I've shot a guy, 
I've strangled a guy, I've garroted a guy, 
balls off, Гуе pulled 


a guy's eyes out, I've torn a guy's nose 
off—I'm tired, Sergio. How many ways 
I kill" Corbucci got real quiet, and 
lit up and he said, “Dyno- 
ys of filming, I 


then his ey 
mite!” So the last five da 
killed about 10,000 people 
with dynamite. 

My costume was really terrific. Dino 
De Laurentiis was the producer and 1 
don't know what I expected, but I know 


the movie 


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PLAYBOY 


78 


what I got. The wardrobe guy was a little 
old man who showed me a drawing of 
Indians at Plymouth Rock who were 
wearing long robes. He said only one 
word to me: “Indiano.” His assistants 
then covered me with feathers until I 
looked like a float for the Rose Bowl 
parade. I'd go in every day and this little 
old man and his assistants would stick 
all those goddamn feathers on me and 
I'd complain that they were making me 
look ridiculous. And every day. he'd step 
back, look at me and say, “Indiano.” Fi- 
nally, after about a week of this, De Lau- 
renüis came striding onto the set 
when he did, I just went crazy 
ng and ripping all the feathe 
il I was standing there with just 
my jockstrap on. Dino looked at me and 
id, "Perfecto!" And so I did that pic 
ture wea Japanese slingshot and a 
Natalie Wood fright wig. 

PLAYBOY: Were you at least being paid 
well for it? 
REYNOLDS: 
mones 


o, Y was making terrible 
d feeling miserable. I went on 
to do some more bad pictures and when 
I finished one called Impasse, 1 realized 
Га come to an impasse in my career, so I 
told myself I'd better get back into TV. 

PLAYBOY: Was that с: than done? 
REYNOLDS: No, hot as ELVI 
went, because Hawk had gouen great 
reviews and I'd done only movies since 
then. Quinn Martin was then the ace 
producer in television, so I we 
see him with my agent. Dick Clayton, 
and told him, “Quinn, I'm picking you 
to work with, I'm not waiting for you 
to pick me. Get me a series aid, 
"Great, the networks love you." I told 
him I'd play anything but a cop, because 
Quinn Martin's cops weren't exactly fa- 
mous for having a sense of humor. 
Quinn thought about that for a second 
and then said, "Who's the highest-paid 
actor on television today?" I told him it 


probably had to be one of the guys 
on Bonanza. because their show had then 


been on the air for something like ten 
years. They had to be making anywhere 
from $12,000 to $20,000 a show. Martin 
said, “If you play а cop. ГИ pay you 
whatever they're getting.” Suddenly, it 
dawned on me that I'd always wanted to 
play а cop. I sold out completely and 
went to work on Dan August, which las 
cd 26 episodes. By the time it was fin 
ished, I was finally on my way, mostly 
because I'd kidded around for 12 nights 
n a row on The Merv Griffin Show. 
eryone in Hollywood was sure I'd 
gone somewhere and had a personality 
transplant 

PLAYBOY: Why? Did people th 
were a hard case? 

REYNOLDS: Well, between Hau 
August, Yd been playing characters who 
weren't exactly laugh-a-minute guys, and 
ever since my days in acting class in New 


York, Yd had a reputation for being 
somebody who liked to fight. 

PLAYBOY: Was that the wuth? 

REYNOLDS: When I first went to New 
York, yeah, that was true. I remember 
getting into beels with actors, and fight- 
ing with drunks and panhandlers, and 
pulling cabdrivers out of their taxis, 
which was really no big deal, because 
ren't tough and aren't usual- 
ly in shape. and I was. I would just 
about fight anybody at the drop ol a hat, 
mainly because I didn’t know that F 
could lose. I've since realized that not 
only can you lose a fight, you can also 
lose a lip, a nose. an eye or an ear. If 
I'd gotten beat up a few times, it would 
have straightened me right out, but that 
didn't happen. 

PLAYBOY: What did? 

REYNOLDS: Well, my fighting days pretty 
much came to an end after an ident 
that I'm not very proud of. 1 mean, it’s 
just the kind ol horror story that could 
happen to a jock asshole who thinks he's 
really tough, which was me when I first 
went to New York. I was then in acting 
before me and this 


class, and classes, 


— 
“І just went crazy. I 
startled screaming and rip- 
pingall the feathers off 
until I was sianding there 
with just my jockstrap on.” 


guy from California would sometimes 
have a couple of drinks in a place called 
the Theater Bar on 44th I rc- 


member one afternoon when we ducked 
in there around 5:30 to get out of the 
п. The Theater Bar was long and 
marrow, about the size of a streetcar, 
and on a rainy day. it would be real dark 
inside. The bı on the left, and as I 
went to sit down, I passed a big, big guy 
with huge shoulders. 1 sat two stools 
away from him. my friend was on my 
right and J was drinking a beer and 
tomato juice when the big guy all of a 
sudden started saving. “Motherfucker . . . 
cocksucker . .. motherfucker.” He was 
directing that to a young couple sitting 
t a table, so I turned to him and said, 
Hey, there's a woman in here" Being 
from the South, I mean, in those days, 
i 1 surprising for me to 
Сап you imagine that? 
k and is insulting that 
couple for no reason at all. If he says 
one word to те, I'm going to nail him.” 
Well, right on cue, the guy turns to me 
and says, "Hey, asshole,” and starts to 
reach for me. J remember looking down 
and planting my right foot on this 


Ж 


brass bar rail for leverage. and then I 
came around and caught him with a trc- 
mendous right to the side of the head. 
The punch made a ghastly sound and he 
just flew off the stool and landed on his 
back in the doorway. about 15 fect away. 
And it was while he was in mid-air tha 
saw ... he had no legs. Well, there was 
dead silence in the bar, but then the 
bartender went right on shining glasses, 
the young couple went right on talking 
and no one would acknowledge what 
had just happened. The guy I hit, mean- 
while, wa е a turtle who'd been 
turned upside down, and he was making 
a noise like. “Eeaaahhh. Eaaahhh.” Y had 
to get out of there. I stepped over him, 
looked down and said, "Sorry." and then 
saw his wheelchair folded up and tucked 
in next to the doorway. 1 then realized 
the reason for his enormous upper torso. 
My friend from California never talked 
to me alter that, and to this day, when- 
ever my па mentioned, he says, 
That Reynolds is just the meanest man 
1 ever met." 

PLAYBOY: Did that com 
fighting? 

REYNOLDS: No, but for years afterward, 1 
got the shit kicked out of me because 
every time some guy would choose me 
out, I'd be checking to see if his legs 
were OK while he'd be pounding me 
into the earth. No, th 


nce you to stop 


at's not true. Actu- 
ally, I didn't get into а fight for a long 
time after that, but 1 still had that repu- 
tation years later. As I said, though, 
when I went on the Grifim show, eve 
body did a double take. and then my lile 
ts when Car- 
son invited me on his show, and that's 
when I started seeing Dinah Shor: 
PLAYBOY: How did you meet her? 
REYNOLDS: That also came about as a re- 
sult of the Griffin show: She'd seen me 
on it and thought I'd be good as a guest 
for her show. Her staff invited. me to 
come on. but she taped during the day- 
time and I was still shooting the last few 
episodes of Dan August, so 1 couldn't 
make it. Besides that, I really didn't 
know what the hell 1 could do on her 
show. because I'm not a cook and it was 
a cooking show. But Dinah really wanted 
me to be a guest—and 1 don't want this 
to be confused with anything sexual, be- 
cause that just wasn't the case. Anyway, 
it got to be a huge joke with her crew 
and producers, because every day they 
would tell her, “Burt Reynolds will be 
on tomorrew.” Well, one afternoon her 
producers came over and told me this 
whole story about how they kept kidding 
her about me. They asked if I'd come to 
the show and hide in a closet on the set, 
and then, when Dinah opened the clos- 
et—oncamera—l'd step out. I told them 
I'd do it, and also told them to build me 
a brea ble and let Dinah do her 
ing on it. Well, they sneaked me 
into the closet and after the show start- 
ed, Dinah opened the closet for mustard. 


= 
Lal 
та 
am 
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m 
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On the way up the work may not get easier 
but the rewards get better. S 


°з ^ e ‘a 


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YEARS i 12 OLD 


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PLAYBOY 


80 


or something and I popped out and we 
just immediately started laughing and 
giggling. The chemistry was terrific. And 
so, just before I made my exit, I said, 
“Will you come to Palm Springs with 
me this weekend? 

PLAYBOY; You propositioned her while 
the show was on the air? 

REYNOLDS: Yes, and she was completely 
flustered by it. She started going, “Umm, 
uh... you're сталу... umm .. . no." 
"Look, I'm going to ask you just 
one more time, and then that's it. I want 
you to know that. I mean, I don't want to 
make a fool of myself. Will you come 
to Palm Springs with me this weekend?" 
Dinah said no again. so I told her, “OK, 
that's it,” and started walking off the set 
When I got to the door. I turned around 
and shouted, "Then I'm going to kill 
myself” and I ran and dove through the 
r and crashed on top of the table she 
as cooking on, and everything came 
down on me. Dinah didn't know it was 
a breakaway table, and she гап over and 
looked at me and thought I was absolute- 
ly insane. It turned out to be a terrific 
show. Afterward, I went backstage and 
talked with her for two hours, and, well, 
I thought she was incredible. She had a 
wonderful sense of humor, she seemed 
very kind and she was totally guileless, 
almost like a 12-year-old kid. That night, 
I went home to my lovely Japanese girl 
friend knowing I wanted to take a run 


at Dinah. And I thought to myself, Un- 
like any other relationship I've ever had 
with a woman, I'm not going to do what 
guys always do—sneak around or say, 
“Why don't we date other people for a 
while?” So that night I just told Miko, 
“Look, it's ow 
PLAYBOY: Just like that? 

REYNOLDS: Just like that—and we'd really 
been happy till then. But 1 was going to 
try to go out with Dinah. I really didn't 
know what would happen, but even if 
she shot me down in Hames, 1 knew she 
was somebody special. But, really, I 
wasn't about to be rebulled. I was going 
after her. 

PLAYBOY: What was Miko's reaction? 
REYNOLDS: There was not a tear in her 
eye. That was a long time before the 
Michelle Marvin case, but I remember 
telling Miko, "You've lived with me and 
it's not. fair that you go away with noth- 
ing. What do you want?" "The Oriental 
mind is fascinating. She looked at me 
and very straightforwardly said, 
а car, preferably a convertible. I'd like 
an apartment in Malibu and some 
money, $300 or $400 a week, whatever 
you can afford." І really hadn't figured 
it that way. I thought maybe she'd settle 
for some record albums. But I said, “OK, 
ТИ do it, but for how long?" Miko said 
would take her a year to get settled 
and to find work—she was a beautiful 
anese actress and there aren't that 


want 


many parts for Japanese actresses here, 
so the whole thing made sense to me. I 
called my business manager and we made 
the necessary arrangements and I took 
care of her for a year. And at the end of 
that year, almost to the she married 
a very big man in the movie business and 
she’s now a mother, and I hope shes 
really happy. Not to sound like a real 
putz, but, like most of the women I was 
with, I still love her. That doesn't m 
I'd want to jump her bones, but if she 
called me right now and said, “I'm in 
trouble and I have to move out," she 
could move in and Sally would have to 
handle that. I still care about Miko, even 
though I haven't scen her in about seven 
years. At any rate, she left and then T 
started dating Dinah 

PLAYBOY: Was Dina 
get involved with you 

REYNOLDS: Yes, І think she was, and there 
was a lot of talk from a lot of people 
about, “Well, he's just going to date you 
until he gets hot, and then he'll dump 
you.” Before we really started going to- 
gether, I kind of courted her for a year, 
and in that year, she dated а lot of other 
people and so did I. I know that a lot 
of her friends told her, "You're totally 
out of your mind," and there was a tre- 
mendous amount of press bulls 
older woman-younger man, and it was 
so boring. I swear to God on my mother 
and father that I don't know or care 


at all reluctant to 


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how old she is, and I've never cared 


about that. I was born and raised in the 
South, and when I was very young, I 
realized that I had no racial prejudice 
about blacks, whites, yellows, reds and 
all that, And that feeling lapped over 
and left me with no prejudice about age. 
Dinah and I had to deal with the age 
stuff in the sense that we were constant- 
ly being asked about it, but I'd just say, 
‘T don't know about that, and get out 
of here or ask another question, please. 
PLAYBOY: Were you bothered by all the 
public interest in your romance? 
REYNOLDS: Í was, but Dinah wasn't. Her 
mail probably increased 50 times over 
when we started going together, and a 
lot of it was positive, but a lot of it 
wasn't. Dinah stopped reading negative 
things about herself a long time ago, and 
she tried to teach me to do it. Гуе finally 
learned how, but I couldn't do it at the 
time, and it would kill me. It didn't 
bother Dinah, though. Shes a very 
strong, positive woman and she had 
more of an influence on me than anyone 
else in my entire life. Really. if I have 
any class at all, Dinah was the direct 
cause of it. I learned a lot from her. 
PLAYBOY: Such as? 

REYNOLDS: For one thing, she taught me 
how to control my temper—and if I 
didn't pick up on that completely, at 
least I learned how to take a negative 
and turn it into a positive, which you 


an do. What 1 mean is, if someone 
thinks you're wonderful, there аге по 
surprises; but if someone is negative 
toward you and you're able to win him 
over, he'll become your biggest fan and 
champion you to the end. Dinah turned 
out to be a lot more sophisticated than 
I'd thought and I probably turned out 
to be a lot less sophisticated than she 
thought. She's totally unspoiled by her 
success, and always surprised me with 
her genuine interest in people. I can't 
even count how many planes we missed 
after someone in an airport would come 
up to Dinah and start talking to her 
She'd be saying, “That's nice, that's so 
and Га be off to the side, mum- 
bling, “Hey, we got a plane to catch." 
And when it came to any trouble, she 
was like a rock. Dinah used to constantly 
tell me that truth rises to the top like 
cream and that a lie dies and goes away, 
no matter what anybody says or writes 
about you. I doubted that until she 
proved it to me. 

PLAYBOY: When did she do that? 
REYNOLDS: When I was making The Man 
Who Loved Gat Dancing, and all the 
shit hit the fan with the Sarah Miles 
incident. We were filming in Gila Bend, 
Arizona, and this poor guy, David Whit 
ing, who was a friend of Sarah's did him 
self in by taking, I don’t know, maybe 
50 Quaaludes. It seemed like every news- 
paper in the country was writing that it 


was a love triangle, and for a while 
there, 1 thought 1 was going to be tried 
for manslaughter 

PLAYBOY: How close did you come to that? 
REYNOLDS: Too close. What happened was 
that Sarah and this guy were staying in 
the motel the t of us were in, and 
they had a fight the night before my 
birthday. There'd been a little party 
held earlier for me, and afterward, 1 
came home and went to bed. Later on, 
Sarah knocked on my door and said. 
"He's gone crazy. We're having a fight. 
Can I stay here?" I went over to their 
room to talk but he 
around, so I came back and said, "OK, 
you can stay here,” Sarah stayed on one 
side of the room, I ed on the other, 
and nothing happened between us. 
Nothing. Next morning she got up, went. 
to the room and found him in the bath- 
room. We called the police and they 
found a slight cut on the back of his 
head, which he probably got when he 
fell down. All of a sudden, there was 
some thought that I'd hit him; maybe 
they thought I also stuck a tube in his 
mouth and blew all those Quadludes 
down his throat. The medical evidence 
ruled out any questions about his death, 
but the press played the story up big. 
PLAYBOY: Because you and Sarah spent 
the night in your room? 

REYNOLDS: Yeah, that was the hook. And 
all during that period, my phone never 


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stopped ringing, reporters were always 
knocking on my door, and if not for 
Dinah, Dick Clayton, my agent, and 
Dave Gershenson, my business manager, 
I might've gone totally insane. I mean, 
I almost did go out of my mind. Things 
got to the point where press guys would 
double up on me. A reporter would come 
up and ask, “Who you going to kill this 
week?” and his photographer would then 
get a shot of me trying to kill the re- 
porter in order to prove I was a murder- 
er. Right in the middle of all this, I was 
supposed to be a presenter at the Acad- 
emy Awards, and I didn't want to go. I 
sure there'd be thousands of people 
ng outside to boo me, and 1 didn't 
want to subject myself to that. Dinah 
said. "You're going. Don't worry, they 
know it’s a bunch of crap." For Dinah, 
that was strong language. She turned out 
to be right, too. When we drove up to 
the awards, I climbed out of the car and 
got the biggest ovation anyone received 
that night. I was amazed. T pretty 
much put an end to what had been the 
toughest period of my life. 

PLAYBOY: Not Jong before that. you were 
in the news because of your centerfold 
in Cosmopolitan. A number of Holly- 
wood observers feel that was the turning 
point in your career. Do you? 

REYNOLDS: That always makes me smile 
and pisses mc off, because it turned out 
not to be a brilliant move. The Cosmo 
thing made me a household word for two 
weeks or six weeks or whatever, but for 
years alterward, I never went anywhere 
without having guys say, “Oh, I didn't 
recognize you with your clothes on.” or, 
"Let me pinch your ass.” I must've heard 
those lines 5,000,000 times. As far as my 
career went. almost everyone in the 
movie business who was in a position to 
crush my acting career said, “He will be 
gone and forgotten in two vt " They 
were incensed that people were paying 
560 а copy for Cosmopolitan, and that 
my name was mentioned five times on 
the Academy Awards show two weeks 
later, and that suddenly everybody was 
coming to me with offers to do pictures— 
not good pictures, schlock pictures. It 
was really odd, because everyone around 
me begged me not to do it and said it 
would ruin my carcer. But Deliverance 
had been shot and was about to be re- 
leased, and I was sure that after people 
saw film, no one would say that 1 
couldn't act. Little did I know they'd 
still be saying it six years later. 

PLAYBOY: Why did you want to pose nude 
in the first place? 

REYNOLDS: Just to be clear on this, the 
nudity amounted to a quarter of an 
inch of pubic hair showing. I figured 
was a harmless thing to do, bec ad 
total control—I could pick the picture 
and all the negatives would be burned. 
I wanted to do a takeoff on PLAYBOY, 
because I thought the women of America 
should have a chance to stick something 


their husbands’ cars after having to 
come home and look at all those silicone 
pinups in the den and garage. 

PLAYBOY: If you're referring to the Play- 
mates, you're wrong about the silicone. 
REYNOLDS: A mere slip of the tongue. 
Anyway, I was the one who wanted the 
whole thing laid out like а рілувоу 
Playmate story. Behind the centerfold, 
І wanted to be shown pushing a shop- 
ping cart and saying, “My favorite colors 
€ blue and pink and yellow,” and, “I'm 
looking forward to becoming an actress." 
I didn’t want there to be any doubt that 
it was a take-off on rrAYsov. But the 
thing backfired on a lot of levels. Wom- 
en's libbers said it was chauvinistic, and 
I thought it was probably the most un- 
chauvinistic move ever made. A lot of 
shit came down. Looking back on it now, 
everybody says, “What a brilliant move. 
PR-wise, it thrust you into the lime- 
light.” Bullshit. Bullshit! 

PLAYBOY: Are you denying that the Cos- 
mopolitan centerfold got the country 
g about you? 

REYNOLDS: Of course people were talking 
about me, but let's be honest here: If 


——ү 
"Tf I was trying to prove 
my sexual prowess, why 
would I take a picture with 
my hand covering every- 
thing I had?—and I have 
small hands." 


Jimmy Brown had been the first actor to 
pose nude, do you think Jimmy Brown 
would now be the hottest actor in town? 
If John Davidson had been the first guy 
to do it. do you think he'd be the hottest 
actor in town now? Brown and David- 
son posed nude, but nobody remembers 
that. George Maharis was in Playgirl, 
standing next to a horse with his cock 
out, if you want to talk about ego. He 
didn't become the hottest actor 
either. Because I was the first guy to do 
it, everyone says, “That's the reason you 
got hot.” Hasn't anybody stopped to 
think that there were lots of magazines 
out showing guys with OK cocks? Why 
do you think there was such incredible 
interest in that one? The reason is be- 
cause I was already hot! [Angrily] That's 
the reason at least 4,000,000 copies of 
the Cosmo centerfold were bootlegged 
and sold! I've secn that thing on sheets, 
pillowcases, key chains, floor mats and 
wallpaper in Hong Kong, London, Bel- 
gium, Germany and France! Do you 
know how much money I was offered to 
sell the hts to that thing? I could 
have made about $4,000,000 off it, but if 


town, 


I had, I wouldn't be able to look you in 
the eye now and I wouldn't be able to 
say I did it for nothing! 

PLAYBOY: Why are you shouting? 
REYNOLDS: You can't say, "He answered 
loudly.” You can only say, “We asked, 
and he answered.” I read a Playboy In- 
terview last ht! You can't say 1 yelled! 
Wonderful: 7 just said I yelled. [Begins 
laughing] This is when I know I need 
to cat. I need to eat when I start yelling. 
PLAYBOY- You ate a plate of cheese ten 
minutes ago. 

REYNOLDS: I need to cat some more. 
PLAYBOY: Before you do, finish your 
point: Why do you think you were a hot 
commodity belore the Cosmopolitan cen- 
terfold. publishedz 

REYNOLDS. I believe that the reason that 
Cosmo thing was bootlegged all over the 
world—after the magazine sold out in, 
like, three and a half hours—is because 
a lot of ladies were interested in 0 
particular guy. There wouldn't 
been any impact if it had been anybody 
else. Well, maybe Gregory Peck. The 
point is, by the time the Cosmo center- 
fold came out, I was already hosting The 
Tonight Show, and Га gotten the big- 
gest numbers of any guest host in the 
history of the show, I'm tellin’ you, I 
was hotter than a burnin’ tree before 
it came out, and when it did, I worked 
my ass off to play it down. In fact, the 
night that issue hit the stands, I hosted 
The Tonight Show and my entire mono- 
log was spent doing Don Rickles lines 
about my body. I said that if I was trying 
to prove my sexual prowess, why would. 
Т take a picture with my hand covering 
everything I ha and I have small 
hands. Every joke you ever heard about 
it, I did it first. I really did think my 
litde take-off on PLAYBOY would be greet- 
ed with laughter; but, instead, I got 
thousands and thousands of letters say- 
ing it was filthy, the Catholic Church 
came down on те, my dad and mother 
had to put up with a lot of stuff, and 1 
am very, very certain that if not for the 
centerfold, 1 would have been nor ted 
for an Academy Award for my work in 
Deliverance. Which is why, if I had to 
do it again, I would nor do it again. It 
did have а lot of impact, but the nega- 
tive side of it far overshadowed the plus 
side, and there are still a lot of people 
out there who'll never forgive me for 
doing it. 

PLAYBOY: Do you really care what the 
New York critics think? 

REYNOLDS: People who read the New 
York Times movie reviews do. Let me 
tell you something: Deliverance was my 
big break, it was my deliverance out of 
shit. Before it came out, I was a can- 
celed television actor who'd made a lot 
of bad movies. Well, the Times review 
referred back to the Cosmopolitan cer 
terfold, and it wasn't the only newspaper 
to do that. So I hope you understand 
why I feel I never had to live up to that 


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ENTER YOUR LOCAL 
CONTEST TO HAVE 
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PLAYBOY 


86 


"ve had to live it down. 
PLAYBOY: Is life as the screen's leading 
male sex symbol all that repugnant? 
REYNOLDS: It can be if you want to be 
known as ап actor. I once told Pauline 
Kael, “You know, until I go bald, you're 
never gonna give me a good review." I 
told her that after I'd had $8000 worth 
of hair transplants. She implied in 
an article that I wouldn't become a real 
actor until I took my hairpiece off. All 
my favorite actors— James Stewart, Gary 
Cooper, Bogey—wore hairpieces, but no- 
body mentioned it in those days, I guess 
because they were real actors. What's 


interesting is that if you say so-and-so 


wears a hairpicce, people will go, “Oh, 
my God"; but the moment you have a 
transplant and it becomes permanent, 
it's no longer talked about. 

PLAYBOY: 15 that why you got a hair 
transplant? 

REYNOLDS: No, | just didn't want to both- 
er anymore with the glue and all that 
shit, Га be lying to you if I said I did 
it because I was a movie actor, even 
though it helps in my work. I did it be- 
cause I wanted to look better. 

PLAYBOY: How long did you wear a hair- 
piece? 

REYNOLDS: For about three years. I was 
really under the illusion that people 
didn't know about becuse a lot of 
hairpieces look like golf divots, but mine 
didn't. One night, though, I was out with 
a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader and she 
was terrific, and we liked cach other a 
lot. We were riding along, when all of 
a sudden she turned to me and said, 
“What about your ha I asked her 
what she meant and she said, "Well, i: 
going 10 come off tonight?” I thought 
that was a great line and I told her, "It's 
definitely coming off, and you can take 
off.” After that, whatever lady I was 
with, I'd say, "Let's not get to the point 
where you're afraid to stick your hands 
in my hair. Let's just get rid of that right 
away. We'll have a nice shower and ГЇЇ 
fuf up what I have, and then you can 
just pull it or do whatever you want to 
with it 
PLAYBOY: Were you bald? 

REYNOLDS: No, but I'd have to comb my 
ir straight down, and it got to a point 
where I'd spend two hours fooling 
around with it, whereas I could put on а 
piece in 15 minutes. Without the piece, 
1 had a very stark look, which I didn't 
think was good for comedy. I did Deliv- 
erance without the piece, and sometimes 
I'd go to parties without it and nobody 
would notice the difference. And if any- 
body had offered me a role in which I 
aged, Fd ken the lid off. Now ГЇЇ 
have to have it dycd white or 
surgically removed. 

PLAYBOY: Were you ever in situations in 
which women were turned off by your 
hairpiece? 

REYNOLDS: Not one. I've never known a 
woman who hasn't said to me, “Well, 


you look better without it.” Which is a 
total lie. It's like telling a girl who has 
tiny breasts that she doesn't need a 
breast operation when you really know 
that you desperately want her to have a 
breast operation. Instead, I'd say, "You 
look terrific I like tiny things there. 
What can you do with big breasts? After 
six or seven hours of playing with them, 
а guy gets bored." 

PLAYBOY: When were you dispensing such 
helpful advice? After your breakup with 
Dinah Shore? 

REYNOLDS: Yes, and I w: ly having a 
very tough time, because I wanted to be 
with her but I couldn't be, because I 
had to sever the relationship. I don't 
know what the dark side of the moon w; 
lor Dinah in terms of our relationship, 
but for me it just got to the point where 
I knew it was eventually going to end. 
And before it got to where I was run- 
ning around on her, well, I didn't want 
it to ever get to that point, because I 
respect her. We were constantly to- 
gether for almost four years, and after- 
ward, I didn’t get involved with another 
woman for a long time. I just did what 


“The temptation to call 
Dinah was so great that 
it was either that or my 
form of alcohol and dope— 
women. So Га just 
burn out.” 


every guy does: I went through a series 
of burnouts. 

PLAYBOY: Meaning what? 

REYNOLDS: There was a period when T 
just remember amyl nitrite being shoved 
up my nose nge faces and being 
in pain, Not to get real psychological 
about it, but it was like I was looking 
for someone to kick the shit out of me 
for leaving a terrific situation, The 
temptation to pick up the phone and 
call Dinah was so great that it was cither 
that or my form of alcohol and dope— 
women, And so I'd just burn myself out, 
and in any direction. 

PLAYBOY: You'd done that kind of thing 
arriage to Judy Carne broke 
t get old the second time 


4 str: 


up. Did 
around? 
REYNOLDS: If you mean the craziness, 
yeah, it not only got old, it had to get 
crazier. It got to the point of trying to 
figure out new ways of abusing myself 
with women, and I was relentless. I was 
also lucky, because I have fairly good 
taste and I met some pretty terrific 
ladies. I was with one girl who's very 
well known now, and I gave her that 
famous I'll-call-you line. Well, three or 


four years later, I was going to do a pic 
ture with her and I'd completely for- 
gotten that she was one of those ladies. 
So 1 called her up and said, "Hey, we're 
going to do a picture together, isn't that 
gonna be terrific?" And she said, "Are 

just now returning that call? I mean, 


PLAYBOY: That sounds as though it could 
have been Jill Clayburgh. 

REYNOLDS: Yeah, and I said, “What call?” 
Remember, you said, ‘I'll 
^ That's a terrific lady, and 1 
met 2 lot of terrific ladies during that 
period. The message I sent out was, 
is totally hopeless, and I want you 
to know that. Whalever happens be- 
tween us right now is going to be totally 
hopeless; but if it's OK, let's just go 
ahead and take it as far as it will go, and 
if that's only 24 hours or a weck, iv’ 
fine with me.” With me at the time was 
a guy who's now a born-again Chri 
and 1 think I put him there. He was 
like the head scout. We'd check into 
wherever I had to go, and he'd head ‘em 


out and round 'em up and it was 
frightening. 

PLAYBOY: You had a guy pimping for 
you? 


REYNOLDS: It wasn't pimping in the sense 
would you like to meet Burt 
" It really wasn't that kind of 
slimy shit, which I hate. It was done in 
1 way, and no woman was ever 
approached dishonesdy. He'd say some- 
"Heres the situa 
friend, Burt Reynolds, is in my r 
and he’s crazy and he wants to jump 
your bones. There'll be some giggles and 
laughs, but if you get there and decide 
you're not interested or he's not inter- 
ested or it's just not going to happen, 
nobody's going to be angry.” 

Things got even crazier than that. I 
remember doing a telethon in Buffalo 
and about four in the morning, I got a 
telephone call from a girl who said, “I 
want to sit on your face." I was looking 
ight into the camera and said, “How 
much would you like to give?” She said, 
“Everything, you stupid bastard.” And it 
just got so lewd it was incredible. I was 
ying things like, “What are we talking 
about here?” and shed answer and her 
voice sounded really terrific, and then 
another girl got on the phone and I 
realized it was a definite sister act, which 
interested me a lot at the time. So I said, 
"Well, we can certainly work this out. 
Two-forty-nine, huh?” That my 
hotel-room number, and the guy running 
the telethon then said, “Two hundred 
and forty-nine dollars, a wonderful con- 
tribution,” and I said, “No, two dollars 
and forty-nine cents." When I went back 
to my room at six A-M., there were these 
two girls whom I named Franny and 
Zooey, and they've been friends of mine 
ever since. Every once in a while, ГЇЇ get 
a note from them and other women I 
met during that period, and it's always 


"| never knew 


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PLAYBOY 


88 


nice and they don’t seem to remember 
anything terrible, so I must have been a 
gentleman. 

PLAYBOY: That's not at issue here. 
REYNOLDS: It really is; “gentle m 
the issue, because what happened 
dangerous, not in terms of the pimping 
situation but in terms of how it could 
come back on me. If you don’t have the 
ht lady, it can be very dangerous. 
PLAYBOY: In what way? 

REYNOLDS: Oh. there are stories that can 
be written and sold, false paternity suits 
that can be started—there're 100 differ- 
ent ways they could have burned me. 
They didn't, because those ladies all 
were terrific. But if they'd wanted to, 
they could have nailed me to the cro 
PLAYBOY: At some point, did you think 
you were doing a pretty good job of that 
by yourself? 

REYNOLDS: At that time, no, never, but in 
retrospect, yes. I discovered there's some- 
thing terribly selfish about me and that, 
like all men, I want to have my cake and 
eat it, too. Nothing would please me 
more than to visit all those women per 
odically and have a relationship with 
them and then go on my met 
it docsn't work that way. The damage 
you do to yourself is that you get to a 
point where you don't have a particular- 
ly high opinion of yourself, which is not 
good. And you losc out sharing wonder- 
ful moments with pcople. For example, 
not too long ago, Sally and I went down 
to the river where Deliverance was 
filmed, and we shot the rapids together. 
The guides who took us down were like 
17-year-old kids who were in super 
shape, and I'm 43 now, but at one point, 
Т took the canoe to see if I could still 
shoot onc myself, and they were bet- 
ting I'd turn the canoe over. It might 
have been pure luck, but J didn't turn i| 
over; I shot the rapids by myself, and 
Sally applauded and it was like Tom 
yer walking on a picket fence for his 


lady. If you don't have somebody you 
care about that much, you can go down 


those rivers and the girl’s gone the next 
day or you're gone the next day and 
it hasn't meant anything. It’s like a sun- 
set that never happened. 

PLAYBOY: When did you get tired of play- 
ing around? 

REYNOLDS: It was after my friend decided 
to become a born-again Christian. There 
came a time when 1 thought, I'm not 
happy doing this. You know, in order to 
be proficient as a cocksman, you have 
to have no guilt at all. And you can't 
look back—ever. A lot of the cocksmen 
I know have a portion of themselves 
that’s dead. Obviously, not the portion 
that’s between their legs; it’s usually a 
part of their brain that’s dead, and the 
same thing holds true for women who 
е like that. It’s a double-edged sword: 
Once you arrive at the point where 
you're not going to be hurt anymore, 


where you're only going to hurt other 
people, you can’t experience great joy. 
PLAYBOY: But while you were consuming 
women like a kid in a candy store, 
weren't you experiencing joy? 

REYNOLDS: Yeah, but, as I told you, I was 
crazy. I wanted to have this style. 1 want- 
ed to have an affair with the 62" waitress 
in the cocktail lounge and 1 also wanted 
her to be my friend and to call her from 
time to time and say, “How ya doing? 
You got married? Terrific.” I was able 
to bring it off, but it took a lot of effort. 
PLAYBOY: No one ever said it would be 
easy, Burt. 

REYNOLDS: [Laughing] No, it wasn't easy. 
You know, there're certain people you 
hear about who were involved with lots 
and lots of women and you somehow 
wind up thinking, Yeah, but ll bet he 
never treated them with disrespect, I bet 
he was always a gentleman. I feel that 
way about Jack Kennedy, even though 
every ten minutes another woman gets 
up and says, “We had an affair and he 
told me he was going to marry me.” And 
then there are other guys you hear about 
doing the same thing and you think, 


“A lot of the cocksmenI 
know have a portion of 
themselves that’s dead. 

Obviously, not the portion 
TA 


that's between their leg: 


a part of their brain." 


That asshole, somebody ought to just 
take him and blow him away, he's going 
to ruin the life of every woman he has 
contact with. 

PLAYBOY: We assume you felt you were 
closer to the J.F.K. model. 

REYNOLDS: To be honest with you, I real- 
ly thought I was Jack Kennedy. 1 had 
that picture of myself, and I thought 
people would say, “Gee, he's a пі 
fella.” But, finally, there comes a time 
when you start analyzing yourself and 
you say, “You're a jerk.” And you then 
come to the realization that a one-to-one 
relationship is more fun. It took me a 
year and a half after Dinah to get there, 
and for the last six months of that, I 
was almost celibate. A definite record. 
PLAYBOY: And a definite surprise. Why 
did you suddenly stay away from women? 
REYNOLDS: I don't know, I just didn't 
have any interest. Part of the reason is 
that I was directing my first film, Gator. 
The only girl who interested me during 
that period was Lucie Arnaz, who's final- 
ly happening, as she should have by now. 
But there was nobody else at that time. 


PLAYBOY: During that period, you were 
supposedly going with any number of 
women, including Chris Evert. That 
wasn't the case? 

REYNOLDS; No, it was bullshit. If I was 
photographed with a woman, it was 
automatically assumed 1 was having an 
affair with her. I was seen several times 
with Chris Evert, because she and I are 
good friends. Being а jock, I was fasci- 
nated by her philosophy of winning and 
her incredible ability under pressure and 
the way she handled the press. I mean, 
she is not an “ice maiden” or anything 
like that, she just prefers her privacy. 
And I had great admiration for her in- 
credible loyalty to Jimmy Connors, be- 
cause whilé everyone was telling her he 
was a total jerk, she just refused to be- 
lieve it and convinced me that hc wasn't. 
"The way he acts on court must not have 
anything to do with the way he is off 
the court, because I know Chris, and if 
she thinks he's special, then he is, be- 
cause she's really special. I just wanted 
to know her—but not physically, I didn't 
want to jump her bones. I wanted to get 
inside her head. On court, Chris is su- 
percool but when you get her away 
from there and when she trusts you, you 
find she's a real woman who has strong 
opinions and who is fascinated by every- 
thing, not just tennis. 

PLAYBOY: Were you at all ticked off when 
your friendship was treated with ti 
tion in newspaper sports sections through- 
out the country? 

REYNOLDS: Oh, I think sportswriters can 
be far more cruel than even gossip col- 
umnists. I remember that when I was 
doing Semi-Tough, the Los Angeles 
Times sports section ran a story saying 
that I was using a double in the movie 
and implying that I'm a tiny little guy 
who never played football. Now, I never 
went around saying I did play football, 
"cause when I talked about Semi-Tough 
on television, I would tell stories such as 
going up to Too-Tall Jones and telling 
him, “Think of me as Shirley Temple.” 
But nobody bothered to check it out. I 
mean, I wasn't a dance major at Florida 
State, and І didn't hand out jockstraps, 
and 1 didn't dream anything up about 
my background. I was a blue-chip high 
school halfback, and I played major col- 
lege football. І was very angry about 
that, but some of it probably had to do 
with being sick at the time, When I was 
supposed to start Semi-Tough, 1 weighed 
161 pounds, which is really low for me. I 
prevailed on Michael Ritchie, the direc- 
tor, to postpone the movie for a month 
while I went home and tried to gain 20 
pounds and tried to find out what was 
wrong with me. I was sure I was dying. 
PLAYBOY: What was the matter with you? 
REYNOLDS: When it was finally diagnosed, 
it turned out that I had the worst case of 
low blood sugar the doctor had ever seen. 
But until that happened, well, it was. 
scary. For more than a year, I'd been 


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PLAYBOY 


90 


ing, throwing up all the time, having 
trouble breathing and getting a rapid 
heartbeat that felt like my heart was 
about to pop out of my chest. It started 
when I was making Nickelodeon. Y у 
falling down a lot, so I d the direc- 
tor, Peter Bogdanovich, if he could shoot 
around me for a couple of weeks. He said 
sure, he'd use Hal Needham to double me 
in a couple of scenes, and I went off to a 
bunch of doctors who said I was on the 
verge of a nervous breakdown. What 
really pissed me off was that Peter didn’t 
tell me that the producers collected in- 
surance on me for two weeks, even 
though he did not shut down the pro- 
duction. [Bogdanovich sa : 
he knows, no insurance was collected oi 
Reynolds —Ed.] Га have gone on work- 
ing if I'd known that they were planning 
to collect insurance on me. Гуе never 
shut down a company. 

PLAYBOY: Once it has paid a claim be- 
cause you don't work, for whatever rea 
son, an insurance company won't cover 
you again, right? Is that a black mark 
for tor? 

REYNOLDS: It’s a big black mark, because 
if producers can't insure you, you won't 
work, which is why Orson Welles, for 
example, isn't cast in major roles any- 
morc. I didn't find out I wasn't insurable 
until I got ready to make my next 
ture. I was very pissed off at Peter, and 1 
was also determined to prove there was 
nothing wrong with me, even if I was 
still fainting all over the place. So I had 
a meeting with the insurance people, and 
found out they felt there was something 
wrong with my heart. 1 asked “em what 
the ultimate test was for heart problems 
and they said there's only one sure test, 
theterization. Very nice: They stick a 
in your arm and up to your heart 
and they televise it. I said, “OK, assholes, 
ГІ go to the hospital and have опе of 
those." One guy told me, "Look, you're 
not a young man anymore and this is a 
ibly dangerous test. It can kill you." 
Well, I took the test and even though 
everything looked perfect, the doctors 
didn’t want me to Jeave without doing 
something for me. So they gave me a lot 
of stuff that slowed my heartbeat down 
and left те taw . P kc Sy 
a... zommm .. , bie. 

PLAYBOY: Why weren't they able to dis- 
cover that you had hypoglycemia? 
REYNOLDS: ‘They didn't give me the six- 
hour low-blood-sugar test, just the four- 
hour variety. And because the ^u 
give me the six-hour test, I went right 
back to doing the things that made me 
sick: drinking —boove turns to sugar very 
quickly in the body—and eating things 
like apple pie for energy, which would 
put me right out. Id go to sleep early, 
and die next thing ГА know, somebody 
would be poking me and it would be 
time to go to work, and I'd feel like I was 
coming out of a faint. Jt continued like 


didi 


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Outdoor shoes and boots to get you away from it all. 


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PLAYBOY 


92 


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1590 e ol re Arenean iY DOS Атай Pann Van Pen Cop 


that when T made Smokey, except by 
then I was taking massive doses of Val- 
ium—at least 60 milligrams a d 
keep my heartbeat down. And when that 
didn't work, I also started eating Seco- 
nals as if they were candy. 

PLAYBOY: Weren't you at all worried 
about overdosing? 

REYNOLDS: | didn't really think about 
O.D.ing. I just thought. If 1 don't stop 
my heart from beating so fast, it's going 
to explode. If 1 can just make it through 
this movie and then die, at least EH have 
one more in the can. Grcat thinking. 
Alter Smokey, Y had three days before 
starting Semi-Tough, and then I caught 
a break that seemed like a miracle. There 
were all kinds of problems getting per- 
mission to film in the Cotton Bowl, and 
that's when I prevailed on Ritchie to 
delay the picture a month. 

I went home to West Palm Beach and 
found doctor who gave me the six-hour 
low-blood-sugar test—they take a little 
blood from you every 15 minutes for six 
hours—and the next day. he told me 1 
had a really bad case of hypoglycemia. 
He said it would take me two years to 
recover fully, and he was right. For the 
first year, I had to eat something every 
30 minutes. 1 took B,5 shots every day 
and I took antinausca pills every six 
hours, which usually meant setting the 
alarm every night for four a.m. I still 
can't drink or have anything sweet, and 
I also found out that marijuana was out, 
because if you smoke a joint, afterward 
you want something sweet, like a brown- 
ie or a cookie. I almost thought I'd join 
the Mormon Church and become an 
Osmond brother. I'd be the dirty Os- 
mond, because with hypoglycemia, you 
have to give up just about everything 
but sex. Anyway, that chapter in my life 
is finally closed, and I can go on to 
bigger and better things. 

PLAYBOY: Apparently, one of the biggest 
and best things in your lile right now 
is your relationship with Sally Field. 
We'd be remiss if we didn't ask the ques- 
tion most often heard about you two: 
Are you planning to get married? 
REYNOLDS: І really don't know. In fact, 
I don't rcally know if the two of us will 
be together by the time this interview is 
published, because we've arrived at a 
point in our relationship where Sally, 
I think, has made a decision that I have 
to make a move one way or the other. 
And this is usually the point where 1 
take flight. 

Sally has two children, and I've been 
making a very conscious effort to find 
out whether or not I can handle be- 
ing a father. For all my talk about 
how much I want to have children, to 
have a ready-made family thrust on. you, 
one where the children will never bear 
your name, well, its a very unselfish 
thing to do. You set yourself up for tak- 
ing care of them, and for sending them 
to college, and for getting them out of 


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METAL TAPE. Another of the marvelous 
innovations is metal tape. Metal 


tape demonstrably improves frequency 
response. Combine it with the new 


| et ett Tope a 1 7/8 1o 2000) 


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high speed and you'll get a hard-to-believe 
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‘THREE HEAD SYSTEM WITH DUAL PROCESS DOLBY 


Tho seperate playback head lets you listen to the actual 
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THREE VHTISENDUST HEADS WITH 

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Shaped io provide 
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o eliminate. 
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of metal tape and high speed. Because the 
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THE CR4029 HAS ALL THE OPTIONS. 
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ITS WHAT YOU'D EXPECT FROM THE 
NEW FISHER. We invented High Fidelity 
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Fisher Handbook to: Fisher Corporation, Dept H, 
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Dolby is a registered trademark of Dolby Laboratories. 
© Fisher Corp. 1979. 


FISHER 


The first name in high fidelity? 


PLAYBOY 


94 


jams, and for loving them and for hav- 
ing to discipline them, and for having 
them turn around to you and say, 
"You're not my father. How dare you say 
that to me?” You're dealing yourself in 
for a lot of pain, but hopefully, there 
will also be times when they come up 
and put their arms around me and it'll 
be wonderful and worth everything. 
Sally's got two boys, a nine-year-old and 
ix-year-old, and I really adore both of 
nd I think they like me. But it's 
jor, major decision, and 1 don't 
want to be wrong. I don't want to screw 
up their lives, and I don't want to get 
married and not be able to make it work. 
PLAYBOY: What makes you think it 
wouldn't work? 
REYNOLDS: Well, Sally is a very strong 
woman; she’s careersminded and she’ 
not an easy lady to live with. And Fm 
not an easy man to live with. But the 
positive things about us are really there: 
I've been with Sally for three years, and 
it's be 
with her in апу situation, good, bad or 


indifferent. I just like being around her. 
PLAYBOY: Why? 
REYNOLDS: Because she's tough, she's 


gritty, she's got a great sense of humor 
and she gets prettier every day—and 
other people have seen that, too, not just 
me. I mean, pow, she's just blossomed. 
And she's also blossomed as an actres: 
Sally has gone from being a television 
actress to being in a league with Jane 
Fonda and Jill Clayburgh, and the same 
thing’s happened to her as a woman. 1 
saw it happen. I was there at the time, 
and it’s exciting to be there when that 
happens to a woman. 

PLAYBOY: How did you two connect in 
the first place? 

REYNOLDS: Well, I'd always loved her 
work—starting with The Flying Nun 
and then in TV movies—and when we 
decided to do Smokey, I wanted her in 
it. At that point, Sally hadn't worked for 
some time, because, unlike me, she will 
absolutely starve rather than do some- 
thing she doesn’t want to do. And she 
didn't want to do Smokey, but I literally 
laughed her into the part. We'd never 
met, so I called her up and told her a 
bunch of dumb jokes and really got her 
laughing. I told her Lionel Barrymore 
could play my part, because we'd never 
get out of that car. 1 said, "What have 
you got to los? Big deal, so you have 
to work with the biggest box-office star 
in the world, that's not such a bad thing. 
And we'll have fun. We'll drive around 
and you'll get to 5 
Waycross, Georgi ally got the gi 
gles, and І think she kind of liked thi: 
crazy guy who was calling her. 

PLAYBOY: Did she immediately agree to 
do the picture? 

REYNOLDS: No. She said, “I don't 
be in that silly thing.” I said, “Trust 
me. We'll make it funny, and we'll make 
it wor! nd, of course, we did. I final- 


n wonderful, and I love being + 


ly met her face to face in Atlanta the 
night before we started shooting. I called 
up and said, “I think it's silly for us to 
meet on the set. Let's go out and have a 
drink or something and get to know each 
other a little bit before we start working 
together." So we went out and, well, 
that was it. I told Sally something very 
corny that night. I said, “I just want to 
warn you right now: I think I'm ready to 
fall in love." She laughed, but I wasn’t 
kidding. And, since then, the relation- 
ship has just grown and grown and got- 
ten better and better. 
PLAYBOY: How instrumental do you think 
you've been in her career? 
REYNOLDS: Well, we made three movies 
together and I do give her career advice. 
For instance, I asked Sally to get a better 
business manager and she did, and I 
asked her to get a big agent, even though 
she had a rcally nice lady agent who was 
loyal to her and all that. But Sally had 
to move into another area, and she's now 
“with the William: Metis Agéficy; Which 
handles the world. But I also pushed 
he to a drastic mistake: After she 
made Norma Rae, l.told -her, "You 


“Sally’s not an easy lady to 
live with. And I'm not an 
easy man to live with. But 
I've been with Sally three 
years, and i Ps been 
wonderful.” 


should do a commercial picture now, so 
that you can say not only are you an 
artistic success, you're also a commercial 
success." Sally's very stubborn about her 
carcer and she really didn't want to do 
that kind of thing, but I convinced h 
to do it. She got a lot of money for 
Beyond the Poseidon. Adventure—and 
it turned out to be the worst acting ex- 
perience of her life. She absolutely hated 
every minute of it. | don't know how the 
picture's going to turn out, but I suspect 
that it won't be very good. As far as 
Norma Rae goes, Sally would have done 
that regardless of what I thought, but 1 
remember my reaction when I read the 
script. I turned to her and said, іп my 
best Academy Award presenter's voice, 
“The envelope. please.” There's no way 
she won't get nominated. 

PLAYBOY: You've mentioned the Academy 
Awards a number of times in the course 
of this interview. Is winning an Oscar 
really important to you? 

REYNOLDS: Only in the sense that it’s in 
my plan and that everything else I've set 
out to do, I've done. 


PLAYBOY: You think all your fantasies 
can come true? 

REYNOLDS: They've all come true, every 
one of them. But none of them has been 
easy. For instance, I had a fantasy about 
playing pro football, and until I banged 
up my knee at Florida State, I was sure 
I would play pro ball. Well, that fan- 
tasy was eventually fulfilled, because I 
got paid for playing football in The 
Longest Yard and Semi-Tough. So now 
I have my touchdown in the last two sec- 
onds of the Super Bowl, and it thrills 
people almost as much as if they were 
watching films of Gale Sayers. I know 
there isn't the same awesome respect 
there that Gale Sayers gets as an athlete, 
but there is in terms of thrills. 

I'll tell you something else, and no- 
body will believe this, but it’s true: 1 
never doubted that I was going to hap- 
pen, and that I was going to happen in 
this magnitude. And 1 know right now 
that a lot bigger things are going to 
happen for me. As an actor, I haven't 
even scratched the surface of where Г 
going, and now that directors like Marty 
Ritt and Sidney Lumet and Francis Сор. 
pola are coming toward me, I'm even 
more certain ГЇЇ get there. I'll even give 
you a date; Within five years, ТЇЇ have 
accomplished what 1 want to as an 
actor. I will have gotten the script—my 
Cuckoo's Nest—and after that, I'll move 
into directing, producing and writing. 
PLAYBOY: And by then you'll have won 
an Academy Award? 

REYNOLDS: T'd give such a terrifically hy 
terical speech it would almost be a shame 
to deprive me of that moment. And, yes, 
I do think that moment will come. 
There's only one thing I think could 
stop it from happening. I hate to sound 
like a melodramatic putz, but I have a 
fear that something's going to happen 
to me—that I may die—before my best 
work is done. I don't care what happens 
after it’s done, but I want the chance to 
do it. And then maybe I can complete 
the rest of my fanta 
PLAYBOY: Which is? 
REYNOLDS: Cary Grant once said to me 
[imitating Grant), “Burty, Вилу, Burt 
when it stops being fun, just walk away 
Well, the old Jimmy Cagney idea of just 
walking away appeals to ne. And when I 
do, I'd like to be able to one day tell my 
children, adopted children, whate: 
that in 1979 I was the number-one box 
office star in the world, and it would also 
be nice to be a little part of history by 
having an Academy Award. Of course, 
I'd have to make sure they were interest- 
ed in hearing about it, because I've al- 
ways known that the biggest sin of all i 
to be boring. You can kill, you can maim 
and you can even hurt people, but to be 
boring is truly a sin. And God will pun- 
ish you for that. 

B 


Some people set their sights higher than others. 


Seagram's VO. 


The symbol of imported luxury. Bottled in Canada. 


Enjoy our quality in moderation. 


Canadian whisky. A blend of Canada’ finest whiskies. 6 years old. 86.8 Proof, Seagram Distillers Co., NY.C 


ES 


part one of 


astunning new work 


THE 
EXECUTIONER'S 


SONG 
By NORMAN MAILER 


you remember how gary gilmore died. now 


heres the tale of how he lived...and the 
story of the people whose lives he changed 


With this issue, we celebrate a special publishing event—Norman Mailer's 
account of the life and death of Gary Gilmore. It’s hard to think of another 
piece of writing that so thoroughly taps the iciness in the phrase cold-blooded— 
or conveys the frustration in the word misfit. We'll be publishing “The 
Executioners Song" in three installments, and we think that after you've 
read them, you'll agree: Mailer has accomplished something rare—a portrait 
of depth and complexity rendered in a simple broad idiom perfectly befitting 
the characters and their time. We think it’s a masterpiece. —The Editors 


ILLUSTRATION BY MARSHALL ARISMAN 


RENDA WAS SIX when she fell out of 

the apple tree. She climbed to the 

top and the limb with the good 
apples broke off. Gary caught her as the 
branch came scraping down. They felt 
scared. The apple trees were their grand- 
mother’s best crop and it was forbidden 
to climb in the orchard. She helped him 
drag away the tree limb and they hoped 
no one would notice. That was Brenda’s 
earliest recollection of Gary. 


She was six and he was seven and she 
thought he was swell. He might be rough 
with the other kids but never with her. 
When the family used to come out to 
Grandpa Brown's farm on Decoration 
Day or Thanksgiving, Brenda would 
only play with the boys. Later, she re- 
membered those parties as peaceful and 
warm. There were no raised voices, no 
cussing, just a good family get-together. 
She remembered liking Gary so well she 
would not bother to see who else was 
there—Hi, Grandma, can 1 have a cook- 
ie?—come on, Gary, let's go. 


Right outside the door was a lot of 
open space. Beyond the back yard were 
orchards and fields and then the moun- 
tains. A dirt road went past the house 
and up the slope of the valley into the 
canyon. 


Gary was kind of quiet. There was one 
reason they got along. Brenda was always 
gabbing and he was a good listener. 
They had a lot of fun. Even at that age, 
he was real polite. If you got into trou- 
ble, he'd come back and help you out. 


Then Gary and his folks moved to 
Seattle. Brenda didn't see any more of 
him for a long time. Her next memory 
of Gary was not until she was 13. Her 
mother, Ida, told her that Aunt Bessie 
had called from Portland and was in a 
very blue mood. Gary had been put in 
reform school. So Brenda wrote him a 
letter, and Gary sent an answer all the 
way back from Oregon and said he felt 
bad putting his family through what he 
did. 

On the other hand, he sure didn’t like 
it in reform school. His dream when he 
came out, he wrote, was to be a mobster 
and push people around. He also said 
Gary Cooper was his favorite movie star. 


Now, Gary was the kind of boy who 
would not send a second letter until he 
received your reply. Years could go by, 
but he wasn't going to write if you hadn't 
answered his last. Since Brenda, before 
long, was married—she was 16 and 
thought she couldn't live without a cer- 
tain guy—her correspondence lapsed. 
She might mail a letter from time to 
time, but Gary didn’t really get back 


97 


into Brenda's life until a couple of years 
ago, when Aunt Bessie called again. She 
was still upset about Gary. He had been 
sent from Oregon State Penitentiary to 
Marion, Illinois, and that, Bessie in- 
formed Ida, was the place they built to 
replace Alcatraz. She was not accustomed 
to thinking of her son as a dangerous 
criminal who could be kept only in a 
maximum-security prison. 


Brenda started writing to Gary once 
more. Before long, they were into quite 
a correspondence. Gary's intelligence was 
really coming through. He hadn't 
reached high school before they put him 
in the reformatory, so he must have done 
a lot of reading in prison to get this 
much education together. He certainly 
knew how to use big words. 


On the other hand, he was bitter. Gary 
liked to remark that having been in pris- 
on so long, he felt more like the victim 
than the man who did the deed. Of 
course, he did not deny having commit- 
ted a crime or two. 


Yet after a year or more, Brenda no- 
ticed a change. Gary no longer seemed to 
feel he would never get out of jail. His 
correspondence became more hopeful. 
Brenda said to her husband, Johnny, one 
day, I think Gary's ready. 


She had gotten into the habit of read- 
ing his letters aloud to Johnny, and to 
her mother and father and sister. Some- 
times after discussing those letters, her 


Shy, soilersuited Gary Gilmore pases 
(belaw left) with mother, Bessie, and 
brother Frank, Jr., back in Portland, 
Oregon, when everything wos right with 
his world. At the age of nine (below 
center), Gory could still ploy the good 


parents, Vern and Ida, would feel full of 
concern, and her sister, Toni, often 
spoke of how much Gary's artwork im- 
pressed her. There was so much sorrow 
in the drawings. Children with great big 
sad eyes. 


Once Brenda asked, “How does it feel 
to live in your country club out there? 
Just what kind of world do you live in?” 

He had written back, / don't think 
there's any way to adequately describe 
this sort of life to anyone that’s never 
experienced it. I mean, it would be total- 
ly alien to you and your way of thinking, 
Brenda. It's like another planet—which 
words, in her living room, offered vis 
of the moon. 


Sitting around the Christmas tree, they 
wondered if Gary might be with them 
next year. He had already asked Brenda 
to sponsor his parole and she had re- 
plied, "If you screw up, ГИ be the first 
against you.” 


Still, the family was more in favor than 
not. Toni, who had never written him a 
line, offered to be a cosponsor. While 
some of Gary's notes were still depressed, 
a few really got to you. 

Dear Brenda, 

Your attitude helps restore my old 
soul... A place to stay and a job 
guarantee me an awful lot, but the 
fact that somebody cares, means 
more to the parole board. I've al- 
ways been more or less alone before. 


guy, black hot notwithstanding—thaugh 
five years later, he would be in jail. In his 
early teens (below right), Gary retained his 
clean-cut, boyish good laoks—not ta be mis- 
token far innocence. At this point, he had 
already begun fighting the system, having 


Only after the Christmas party did it 
come over Brenda that she was going to 
sponsor a man whom she hadn't seen in 
dose to 30 years. It made her think of 
Toni's remark that Gary had a different 
face in every photograph. 


Now, Johnny began to get concerned 
about it. He had been all for Brenda's 
writing to Gary, but when it came down. 
to bringing him into their family, John- 
ny began to have a few apprehensions. It 
wasn't that he was embarrassed to harbor 
a criminal Johnny simply wasn't that 
sort of person, he just felt like there's 
going to be problems. 


For one thing, Gary wasn't coming 
into an average community. He would be 
entering a Mormon stronghold. Things 
were tough enough fora man just out of 
prison without having to dcal with 
people who thought drinking coffee and 
tea was sinful. 

Nonsense, said Brenda. She and John- 
ny hardly qualified as a typical strait- 
laced Utah County couple. 

Yes, said Johnny, but think of the 
atmosphere, All those superclean Brig- 
ham Young University kids getting ready 
to go out as missionaries. Walking on the 
street could make you [eel you were at a 
church supper. There had, said Johnny, 
to be tension. 


Brenda hadn't been married to John- 
ny for 11 years without coming to know 
that her husband was the type for peace 


stolen his first cor at the age of 13. By the 
time Gary was 35 (opposite page, below), 
the youth had been drained from him. This 
photograph was taken during the summer 
he met Nicole, and he had spent almost all 
of the previous Iwo decades behind bars. 


at any price. No waves if he could help 
it. Brenda wouldn't say she looked for 
trouble, but a few ripples kept life inter- 
esting. So Brenda suggested that Gary 
might stay weekends with them, and live 
with Vern and Ida. That satisfied Johnny. 


Well, he told her with a grin, if I 
don't go along, you're going to do it 
anyway. He was right. She could feel 
awfully sympathetic to anybody who was 
boxed in. “He's paid his dues," she told 


Nicole Barrett (abave) with son, Jeremy, 
and daughter, Sunny—and ct right in the 
sketch Gary made of her that summer of 
1976. He inscribed the drawing: "As 
soft as young / As young as sweet / As 
sweet as beautiful / As all things fair.” 


Johnny. “He's been in jail thirteen years 
and I want to bring him home." 


Those were the words she used when 
she talked to Gary's future parole officer. 
Brenda knew her power in such conver- 
sations. She might be that much nearer 
to 35 than 30, but she hadn't gone into 
marriage four times without knowing 
she was pretty attractive on the hoof, and 
the parole officer, Mont Court, was blond 
and tall, with a husky build. Just an 


average goodlooking American guy, 
very much on the Mr. Clean side, but all 
the same, Brenda thought, pretty likable. 


He had worked, Mont Gourt told her, 
with a lot of people who had just come 
out of prison, and he warned Brenda 
that there would be a recycling period. 
Maybe a little trouble here or there, a 
drunken brawl, She thought he was 
broad-minded for a Mormon. A man 
couldn't, he explained, just walk out of 


99 


PLAYBOY 


prison and go right into straight normal 
living. lt was like coming out of the 
Service, especially if you'd been held а 
prisoner of war. You didn’t become a 
civilian immediately. 


Then Mont Court and another proba- 
tion officer paid a visit to Vern at his 
shoeshop and looked into her father's 
ability as a shoe-repair man. They must 
have been impressed. Nobody in these 
parts was going to know more about 
shoes than Vern Damico, and he would, 
after all, give Gary not only a place to 
live but a job in his shop. 


A letter arrived from Gary to say that 
he was going to be released in a couple 
of weeks. Then, early in April, he called 
Brenda from the prison and told her he 
would get out in a few days. Over the 
phone, he had a nice voice, soft-spoken. 
twangy, held back. A lot of feeling in the 
center of it. He planned, said Gary, to 
take a bus from St. Louis to Salt Lake. 


It was practically the same route their 
Mormon great-grandfather took when he 
jumped off from Missouri with a handcart 
near to 100 years ago, and pushed west 
with all he owned over the prairies, and 
the passes of the Rockies, to come to rest 
at Provo in the Mormon Kingdom of 
Deseret. 


2 


Gary couldn't have traveled more than 
40 or 50 miles from Marion, however, 
before he phoned in from a rest stop to 
tell Brenda that the bus ride so far had 
been the most kidney-jogging experience 
he ever felt and he'd decided to cash in 
his ticket at St. Louis and come the rest 
of the way by plane. Brenda agreed. If 
Gary wanted to travel deluxe, well, he 
had a little coming. 


He called her again that evening. He 
was definitely on the last flight and 
would phone once more when he arrived. 

“Gary, it takes us forty-five minutes to 
get to the airport 

"I don't mind waiting." 


Even the children were excited, and 
Brenda certainly couldn't sleep. After 
midnight, she and Johnny just hung by 
the phone. Brenda had threatened to 
Kill anybody who called her late—she 
wanted that line open. 


"I'm here,” said his voice. It was two 
А.М. 

“OK, we're coming to get you.” 

“Right on,” said Gary and hung up. 
"This was one guy who wouldn't talk your 
ear off for a dime. 


On the ride, Brenda kept telling John- 
ny to hurry up. It was the middle of the 
night, and nobody was on the road. 
Johnny, however, wasn't about to get a 


100 ticket. They were traveling the interstate, 


after all. So he kept at 60. Brenda gave 
up fighting. She was altogether too ex- 
cited to fight. 


"Oh, my God," 
der how tall he is. 
"What?" said Johnny. 


She had begun to think he might be 
short. That would be awful. Brenda was 
only 5/5", but it was a height she knew 
well. From the time she was ten years 
old, she had been 130 pounds, 5'5”, and 
wholly equipped with the same-size bra 
as now—C cup. 

“What do you mean, is he tall?” asked 
Johnny. 

“I don't know, I hope he is.” 


id Brenda, "I won- 


In junior high, if she put on heels, the 
only person big enough to dance with 
her was the gym teacher. In fact, she got 
so paranoid about being tall it must have 
stunted her growth. Now she just had 
this nightmare that when they got to the 
airport, Gary would only come up to her 
armpit. Why, she would abandon the 
whole thing right there. Shift for your- 
self, she would tell him. 


They pulled up to the main entrance 
of the terminal building. So soon as she 
got out of the car, there was Johnny on 
the driver's side, trying to tuck his shirt- 
tail in. That annoyed Brenda no end. 

She could see Gary leaning against the 
building. “There he is" Brenda cried, 
but Johnny said, “Wait, I have to zip 
my pants.” 

“Who gives a shit about your shirt- 
tail?" said Brenda. "I'm going.” 


As she crossed the street between the 
parking island and the main door, Gary 
saw her and picked up his satchel. Pretty 
soon they were running toward each 
other. As they met, Gary dropped his bag 
and encircled her so hard she could have 
been hugged by a bear. Even Johnny had 
never gripped Brenda that hard. 


When Gary put her down on the 
ground again, she stood back and looked 
at him. She said, "My God, you're tall.” 

He started to laugh. “What did you 
expect, а midget?” 

“I don't know what I expected,” she 
said, “but, thank God, you're tall.” 

Johnny was just standing there with 
his big good face, going, um, um, um. 


“Hey, coz,” said Gary, “it's fine to see 
you.” He shook hands with Johnny. 

“By the way, Gary,” said Brenda de- 
murely, “this is my husband.” 


Gary said, “I assumed that's who it 
was." 
Johnny said, "Have you got every- 


thing with you? 

Gary picked up his flight bag—it was 
pathetically small, thought Brenda—and 
said, "This is it. This is all I have." Said 


it without humor and without self-pity. 
Material things were obviously no big 
transaction to him. 


Now she noticed his clothes. He had a 
black trench coat slung on his arm and 
was wearing a maroon blazer over— 
could you believe it?—a yellow-and-green 
striped shirt. Then a pair of beige poly- 
ester trousers. Plus a pair of black plastic 
shoes. She paid attention to people's 
footwear because of her father's trade 
and she thought, Wow, that's really 
cheap. They didn't even give him a pair 
of leather shoes to go home in. 

"Come on," said Gary, "let's get the 
hell out of here.” 

She could see that he'd had something 
to drink. He wasn't plastered, but he 
sure was tipped. Made a point of putting 
his arm around her when they walked to 
the car. 


When they got in, Brenda sat in the 
middle and Johnny drove. Gary said, 
"Hey, this is kind of a cute car. What is 
i" 

"A yellow Maverick," she told him. 
“My little lemon." 


They drove. The first silence came in. 


“Are you tired?” asked Brenda. 

“A little,” Gary grinned. “I took ad- 
vantage of the champagne flight, but 
then I don’t know if it was the altitude, 
or not having good liquor for a long 
time, but, boy, I got tore up on that 
plane. I was happier than hell.” 

Brenda laughed. "I guess you're en- 
titled to be snockered." 


The prison had sure cut his hair short. 
It would, Brenda judged, be heavy, hand- 
some brown hair when it grew out, but 
for now it stuck up hick style in the back. 
He kept pushing it down. 

No matter, she liked his looks. In the 
half-light that came into the car as they 
drove through Salt Lake on the inter- 
state, the city sleeping on both sides of 
them, she decided that Gary was every- 
thing she expected in that department. 
A long, fine nose, good chin, thin, well- 
shaped lips. He had character about his 
face. 


“Want to go for a cup of coffee?" 
Johnny asked. 

Brenda felt Gary tighten. It was as if 
even the thought of a strange place got 
him edgy. "Come on," Brenda said, 
“we'll give the ten-cent tour.” 


They picked Jean's Cafe. It was the 
only place south of Salt Lake open at 
three A.M., but it was Friday night and 
people were sporting their finery. By the 
time they reached their booth, Gary said, 
“I guess I got to get some clothes.” 


Johnny encouraged him to eat, only he 
wasn't hungry. Obviously too excited. He 


"p Z 
“Thats all we ask, таат. Just give it a try. 


101 


PLAYBOY 


looked dazzled by the red, blue and gold. 
light show on the electronic screen of the 
jukebox. Then a couple of cute girls 
walked in. Gary mumbled, "Not bad," 
and Brenda had to laugh. There was 
something so real about the way he said 
it. 

Of course, by now, Brenda’s best friend 
could have walked in and she would still 
have been all alone with Gary. She didn't 
mean to be rude to Johnny, but she did 
kind of forget he was there. 


Gary, however, looked across the table 
and said, “Hey, man, thanks. 1 appre- 
ciate how you went along with Brenda.” 
They shook hands again. This time Gary 
did it thumbs up. 

Over the coffee, he asked about John- 
ny's job. 


Johnny did maintenance at Pacific 
States Cast Iron Pipe Company. He was 
blacksmithing now, but used to do the 
mold work. 

The conversation died. Gary had no 
сше what to ask next. He knows nothing 
about us, Brenda thought, and I under- 
stand so little about him. 


Gary spoke of a couple of prison 
friends and what good men they were. 
Then he said apologetically, Well, you 
don't want to hear about prison, it's not 
very pleasant. 


Johnny said they were tiptoeing 
around because they didn't want to of- 
fend him. “We're curious,” said Johnny, 
“but, you know, we don't want to ask: 
What's it like in there? What do they do 
to your” 

Gary smiled, They were silent again. 


Brenda knew she was making Gary 
nervous. She kept staring at him con- 
stantly, but couldn't have enough of his 
face. There were so many corners in it. 

"God," she kept saying, "it's good to 
have you here.” 

"It's good to be back.” 

"Wait till you get to know this coun- 
try," she said. She was dying to tell him 
about the kind of fun they could have on 
Utah Lake, and the camper trips they 
would take in the canyons. The desert 
was just as brown and grim as desert 
anywhere, but the mountains went up to 
12,000 feet, and the canyons were green 
with beautiful forests and super drink- 
ing parties. They could teach him how 
to hunt with bow and arrow, she was 
about ready to say, when all of a sudden 
she got a good look at him. Speak of all 
the staring she had done, it was as if she 
hadn't seen Gary at all yet. Now she felt. 
a strong sense of woe. He was scarred up. 
much more than she had expected. 


She reached out to touch his cheek at 
the place where he was badly marked, 


102 and Gary said, “Nice-looking, isn't it?" 


Brenda said, “I'm sorry, Gary, I didn't. 
mean to embarrass you.” 


‘This set up such a pause that Johnny 
finally asked, "How'd it happen?" 

“A guard hit me,” said Gary. He 
smiled. “They had me tied down for a 
shot and I spit in the doctor's face.” 


“How,” asked Brenda, “would you like 
to get ahold of that guard?” 

"Don't pick my brain," said Gary. 

"OK," said Brenda, "but do you hate 
him?" 

God, yeah,” said Gary, "wouldn't 

you?" 

“Yeah, I would,” said Brenda. "Just 
checking.” 


Half an hour later, driving home, they 
went by Point of the Mountain. Off to 
the left of the interstate, a long hill came 
out of the mountains and its ridge was 
like the limb of a beast whose paw just 
reached the highway. On the other side, 
in the desert to the right, was Utah State 
Prison. There were only a few lights in 
its buildings now. They made jokes 
about Utah State Prison. 


Back in her living room, drinking 
beer, Gary began to unwind. He liked 
beer, he confessed. In prison, they knew 
how to make a watery brew out of bread. 
Called it Pruno. In fact, both Brenda 
and Johnny were observing that Gary 
could put brew away as fast as anyone 
they knew. 


johnny soon got tired and went to 
sléep. Now Gary and Brenda really be- 
gan to talk. A few prison stories came 
out. To Brenda, each seemed wilder than 
the one before. He had to be reciting out 
of his hind end. 


It was only when she looked out the 
window and saw the night was over that 
she realized how long they had been 
talking. They stepped through the door 
to look at the sun coming up over the 
back of her ranch house and all her 
neighbors’ ranch houses, and standing 
there, on her plot of lawn, in a heap of 
strewn-about toys, wet with cold spring 
dew, Gary looked at the sky and took a 
deep breath. 

“I feel like jogging,” he s 

“You've got to be nuts, tired as you 
are,” she said. 

He just stretched and breathed deep, 
and a big smile came over his face. “Hey, 
man," he said, “I'm really out.” 


In the mountains, the snow was iron 
gray and purple in the hollows, and 
glowed like gold on every slope that 
faced the sun. The cloud over the moun- 
tains was lifting with the light. Brenda 
took a good look into his eyes and felt 
full of sadness again. His eyes had the 
expression of rabbits she had flushed, 
scared rabbit was the common expres- 


sion, but she had looked into those eyes 
of scared rabbits and they were calm and 
tender and kind of curious. They did not 
know what would happen next. 


3 


The distance from the north side of 
Orem, where she lived, to Vern's store 
in the center of Provo was six miles, 
but going along State Strect, it took a 
while, There were shopping malls and 
quick-eat palaces, used-car dealers, chain 
clothing stores and gas stops, appliance 
stores and highway signs and fruit stands. 
There were banks and real-estate firms 
in one-story office compounds and rows 
of condominiums with sawed-off mansard 
roofs. There hardly was a building that 
was not painted in a nursery color: pastel 
yellow, pastel orange, pastel tan, pastel 
blue. Only a few faded two-story wooden 
houses looked as if they had been built 
so long as 30 years ago. On State Street, 
going the six miles from Orem to Provo, 
such houses looked as old as frontier 
saloons, 

“Jt sure has changed,” said Gary. 

Overhezd was the immense blue of the 
Western sky. That had not changed. 


“J better tell you a little more about 
Vern,” Brenda said. “Dad is gentle in 
his manner, but you have to understand 
when he is joking and when he is not. 
That can be a little hard to figure out, 
because Dad does not always smile when 
he is being funny.” Then, too, she re- 
marked, he was a very strong man and 
usually said what he thought. That could 
be abrasive. 


Vern, however, told Gary to move in 
with Ida and himself right away, though 
not to plan to go to work for a few days. 
A fellow needed time to get acquainted 
with his freedom, Vern observed. After 
all, Gary had come into a strange town, 
didn't know where the library was, didn't 
know where to buy a cup of coffee. So he 
talked to Gary real slow. 


"Together, Vern and Ida Damico made 
a sight talking to Gary in their living 
room. Although Vern's shoulders could 
fill a doorway, and any one of his fingers 
was as wide as anyone else's two fingers, 
he was not that tall, and Ida was short. 
They wouldn't be bothered by a low 
ceiling. 

For a small living room, it had a lot of 
stuffed furniture in bright autumn colors 
and Oriental rugs and colorfilled pic- 
tures in gold frames and there was a 
ceramic statue of a black stable boy with 
a red jacket standing by the fireplace. 
Chinese end tables and big colored has- 
socks took up space on the floor. 


Having lived among steel bars, rein- 
forced concrete and cement-block walls, 
(continued on page 110) 


PLAYBOYS FALL AND 
WINTER FASHION FORECAST 


part one of our annual autumnal prognostication surveys 
the coming trends in suits, sports jackets and outerwear 


at iig By DAVID PL ATT ‘TWEED, TEXTURE AND TONE are the key words to 


this fall's tailored menswear. Styles that uscd to 
be called weekend or country clothes have come to town, bringing with them an air of 
casual formality that's subtly British yet international in scope. Counterpoint this with 
the increased use of rich fabrics and unexpected color combinations (would you believe 


Two boss-looking tweed outfits include (left) a Harris tweed coat, about $400, worn over a Harris tweed suit, 
about $275, both by Jeffrey Banks for Glanzrock; and a cotton shirt, by Jeffrey Banks, obout $25; plus o knit 
tie, by Rooster, about $7.50; and pigskin gloves, by Kombi, Ltd., about $22; and (right) a wool tweed suit, about 
$400, a brushed cotton shirt, obout $45, and a wool Pringle of Scotland sweater, about $110, all by Alexander 
Julian; plus a wool/polyester knit tie, by Jazz for Wembley, about $11.50. (Her dress and sweater by Bill Blass.) 


that iridescent shades, including vivid blue and rose, are 
staging a comeback?) and you have a fashion score that's 
bright with versatility. Combinations such as velvet with 
tweed, loden with corduroy and—get this—even mink with 
wool are indications that there's a trend to more sensuality, as 
well as selectivity, in what we're putting on our backs. But 
while fashion rules are being tastefully bent, we're happy to 
announce that there's nothing truly radical on the drawing 
boards of designers and manufacturers. (By now, we've all ad- 
justed to the narrower lapels, smaller collars and skinny ties 
that have replaced the dated big-spread look of a few years 
ago.) Next month, we'll check out the trends in cold-weather 
casualwear. Men's fashions, as they say, are looking good. 


Above left: A fur-cellared topcoat, by Georgette Ghica Designs, 
obout $750; worn over a herringbone suit, by Movest, about $180; 
polyester/cotton shirt, by Gant, about $22; and а ploid tie, by 
Kelly 1, about $10. Above right: A wool topcoot, about $350, tops 
off a striped wool suit, about $310, both by 811 Kaiserman 
Design; cotton shirt, by Oscor de la Renta for Excello, about 
$35; and a cashmere tie, by Georgette Ghica Designs, about $30. 
Right: A nutria-collared wool topcoat, by Molcolm Kenneth for After 
Six, about $425; plus a flonnel suit, by Austin Reed of Regent 
Street, obout $225; a sleeveless cardigan, by Forge for Munsing- 
wear, about $20; herringbone shirt, about $20, ond а bow tie, about 
$10, both from Chops by Rolph Louren; and colfskin gloves, by Elmer 
Little, about $33. (The ladies’ outfits by John Anthony and Genny.) 


Opposite роде, left: His wool tweed double-breosted topcoct, 
obout $250, worn over a mink/wool ventless jacket, obout $200, 
both by Fox Run Mens; plus o brushed terry shirt, from Chaps by 
Ralph Louren, about $25; ploid wool/nylon shirt, by Van Heusen, 
obout $25; wool slacks, by Roca/Milono for Schuyler 4, about $90; 


ond o knit tie, by Jazz for Wembley, obout $11.50. Opposite poge, 
right: A cotton unconstructed jocket, about $165, worn with checked 
wool slocks, about $65, both by Country Britches; polyester/cotton 
shirt, by Patch Two/Hothaway, obout $20; and a polyester/silk tie, 


by Oleg Cassini, about $10. (The lody's dress and jocket by Pinky 
& Dianne.) Above left: A wool double-breasted ventless jocket, 
obout $175, is combined with corduroy slacks, about $37.50, and a 

shirt, about $30, oll by Yves Soint Lourent Menswear; plus a 
satin tie, by Vicky Dovis, about $10. Above right: A poplin roin shell, 
about $90, covers his Harris tweed jocket, about $165, matching 
vest, about $57, wool brushed twill slacks, about $70, ond brushed 
cotton shirt, cbout $32.50, oll by Cesarani; plus o cotton knit tie, by 
Rooster, about $7.50. (Her skirt and jacket by Cathy Hardwick.) 


Below: These three chops cre well suited for success in (left to right) 
a silk/wool four-bution ventless suit, obout $275, brushed cotton 


buttondown shirt, obout $50, and a brushed silk tie, about $20, 
all by Lee Wright; с wool/alpoca muted-stripe single-breasted suit 

а semiconstructed ventless jocket, by Hugo Boss, about $370, 
iridescent polyester/cotton pinstriped shirt, about $25, and a 


brushed cotton tie, about $10, all from Equipment by Henry 
Grethel; and a double-breasted polyester/wool suit featuring a 
ventless jacket and pleated trousers, by Tollio, about $175; poly- 
ester/cotton iridescent fine-line shirt with a medium-spread collar 
and barrel cuffs, from Equipment by Henry Grethel, obout $25; 
and a skinny yarn-dyed lamb’s-wool tie, by Kelly 1, about $B.50. 


Below: No one is going to be left out in the cold this winter wear- 
ing (left to right) an overcoat, by Windsor European Fashions, about 
$445; shown with a shirt, about $27.50, and a wool tie, about $12.50, 
both by Evan-Picone for Men; plus а wool scarf, by Georgette Ghica 
Designs, about $25. Next, a wool tweed topcoat, by Egon Von Furst- 
enberg, about $165; worn with a striped shirt, about $42, and wool 


tie, about $13, both by Gordon of New Orleans; V-neck sweater, by 
Jantzen, about $27.50; and a scarf, by Georgette Ghica Designs, 
about $30. Lost, а wool/alpaca topcoot, by Georges Rech, about 
$475; acrylic sweater, by Catalino, obout $30; checked shirt, by 
Oscar de la Renta for Excello, about $35; tweed slacks, by Doks Gen- 
tlemen's Apparel, about $57.50; and a tie, by Kelly 1, about $10. 


LADIES’ DUTFITS BY COMPLICE, PINKY & DIANNE AND BILL BLASS/ ALL JEWELRY BY M & J SAVITT 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARCO GLAVIANO 


PLAYBOY 


110 


EXECUTIONERS SONG 


(continued from page 102) 


“What’s Provo famous for? asked Gary. 'Darned if I 


know,’ said Vern. “Maybe it's the low crime rate. 


D»! 


Gary would now be spending a lot of his 
time in this room. 


Vern slipped him some underclothes, 
some tan slacks, a shirt and 20 bucks. 

Gary said, “I can’t pay you back right 
now.” 

“I'm giving you the money,” Vern said, 
“If you need more, see me. I don't have 
а lot, but I'll give you what I can,” 


Sunday afternoon, Vern and Ida drove 
him over to Lehi, on the other side of 
Orem, for a visit with Toni and Howard. 

Both of Toni's daughters, Annette and 
Angela, were excited about Gary. He was 
like a magnet with kids, Brenda and 
Toni agreed. On this Sunday, two days 
out of jail, he sat in a gold cloth-uphol- 
stered chair, drawing chalk pictures on a 
blackboard for Angela. 

He'd draw a beautiful picture and 
Angela, who was six, would erase it. He 
got the biggest kick out of that. He 
would take pains on the next one, draw 
it extra beautiful, and she'd go, Yeah, 
uh-huh, and she'd erase it. So he could 
do another one. 


After a while, he sat down on the floor 
and played cards with her. 

The only game Angela knew was fish, 
but she couldn't remember how to say 
each number. She would speak of six as 
an upper because the line went up, and 
nine was a downer. A seven was a hooker. 
That tickled Gary. 

He called, “Toni, would you explain 
something? Am I playing some illicit 
game here with your daughter?” Gary 
thought it was very funny. 


Later that Sunday, Howard Gurney 
and Gary tried to talk to each other. 
Howard had been a construction worker 
all his life, a union electrician. He'd 
never been in jail, except for one night 
when he was a kid. It was difficult to 
find much common denominator. Gary 
knew a lot, and had a fantastic vocabu- 
lary, but he and Howard didn't seem to 
have any experiences in common. 


Monday morning, Gary broke the $20 
bill Vern had given him and bought a 
pair of gym shoes. That week, he would 
wake up every day around six and go out 
to run. He would take off from Vern's 
house in a fast long stride down to Fifth 
West, go around the park and back— 
more than ten blocks in four minutes, 
good time. Vern, with his bad knee, 
thought Gary was a fantastic runner. 

In the beginning, Gary didn't know 


exactly what he could do in the house. 
On his first evening alone with Vern 
and Ida, he asked if he could get a glass 
of water. 

“This is your home," Vern said. “You 
don't have to ask permission.” 

Gary came back from the kitchen with 
the glass in his hand. “I'm beginning to 
get on to this,” he said to Vern. "Its 
pretty good. 

"Yeah," said Vern, "come and go as 
you want. Within reason." 


About the third night, they got to 
talking about Vern's driveway. It wasn’t 
wide enough to take more than one car, 
but Vern had a strip of lawn on the side 
of the house that could offer space for 
another car, provided he could remove 
the concrete curb that separated the grass 
from the paving. That curb ran for 35 
feet from the sidewalk to the garage. Six 
inches high, eight inches wide, it would. 
be work to chop out. Because of a bad 
leg, Vern held off. 
“I'll do it,” said Gary. 


Sure enough, next morning at six, 
Vern was awakened by the sound of 
Gary taking a sledge hammer to the job. 
Sound slammed through the neighbor- 
hood in the dawn. Vern winced for the 
people in the City Center Motel, next 
door, who would be awakened by the 
reverberation. АШ day Gary worked, 
cracking the curbing with overhead 
blows, then prying chunks out, inch by 
inch, with the crowbar. Before long, Vern 
had to buy a new one. 


Those 35 feet of curbing took one day 
and part of the next. Vern offered to 
help, but Gary wouldn't allow it. “I 
know a lot about pounding rocks" he 
told Vern. 

"What 

“Well, it's thirsty work," said Gary. 
“Just keep me in beer.” 

lt went like that. He drank a lot of 
beer and worked real hard and they were 
happy with the job. When he was done, 
he had open blisters on his hand as large 
as Vern's fingernails. 


Doing the work, however, had loos- 
ened him up. He was ready to do his first 
exploring around town. 


Provo was laid out in a checkerboard. 
It had very wide streets and a few build- 
ings that were four stories high. During 
the day, Gary would walk around town. 
If he came by the shoeshop around 
lunchtime, Vern would take him to Joe's 


Spic and Span, which had the best coffee 

in town. Of course, Vern told him, Provo 

оц for restaurants. 

it famous for?” asked Gary. 
“Darned if 1 know," said Vern. “May- 

be it's the low crime rate.” 


Gary's first working day in the shop 
was good. Vern started him on a bench 
jack, tearing down shoes. The jack was 
like a metal foot upside down, and Gary 
would put the shoe on, pry off the sole, 
take off the heel, remove the nails, pull 
out the stitching and generally prepare 
the top for the new sole and heel. You 
had to watch not to rip the leather or 
make a mess for the next man. 

Gary was slow, but he did it well. The 
first few days he had an excellent atti- 
tude. Vern was getting to like him. 


The trouble was to keep him busy. 
Vern wasn’t always able to. There were 
tush jobs to get out. The real difficulty 
was that Vern and his assistant, Sterling 
Baker, were used to moving the work 
between them. So it was easier to do it 
themselves than to show a new man. 
Often Gary had to wait when he wanted 
to move to the next step. 

He would say, “I don't like this stand- 
ing around and waiting. І feel like a 
dummy, you know.” 

The problem, as Vern saw it, was that 
Gary wanted to be able to fix a pair of 
shoes like Vern could. It just wasn't go- 
ing to come that way. Vern told him, 
“You can't learn this immediately. 

"Well, I know that," Gary said, but 
his impatience didn't take long to come 
back. 


Of course, Gary did get on well with 
Sterling Baker, who was about 20, and 
the nicest fellow, and didn't mind talk- 
ing about shoes. The first couple of days, 
Gary kept bringing the conversation back 
to footwear, as if he was going to learn 
everything there was about it. Only time 
he had trouble concentrating was when 
prety girls came into the store. “Look at 
that,” he'd say. "I haven't seen anything 
like that for years." 


The girls he liked best, he said, were 
around 20. It occurred to Vern that Gary 
wasn't much older when he said goodbye 
to the world 13 years ago. He certainly 
was comfortable becoming friends with a 
kid like Sterling Baker. 


4 


Gary went back to visit with Brenda 
and Johnny for Easter weekend. After 
the kids went to sleep, they spent Satur- 
day night coloring Easter eggs around 
the table, and Gary had a fine time and 
drew beautiful pictures and painted the 
names of the kids in Gothic script. 


After a while, Johnny and Gary began 
(continued on page 228) 


Jorn 
Р 


“My wife doesn't understand the aloha spirit.” 


fiction By LYNDA LEIDIGER v: wore svaxenean susiness began, of course, on Halloween. 

I had seen it in the window, weeks belore, on the shelf with a gorilla, Richard Nixon and an old man with one 
bloody eyeball hanging down over his cheek. The snake was a king cobra, emerald green, a proud hood splayed behind 
its head. Its small red eyes stared arrogantly above me. I loved its milky fangs. 

The night before the party, my husband took me to buy the mask. “What do you want (continued on page 122) 


once she put on the mask, 
her life changed in such 
strange ways she didn't 
wantto take it off 


А. 


The crazed renegade Colanel Kurtz (Marlan Brando)—updated and relocated from Africa, the setting of Conrad's original story—rules in 

his Cambodian lair like a tribal king (above lef). As Captain Willard, the Special Farces officer sen! to "terminate" Kurtz, Martin Sheen 
(above right) excels in а role rejected by Steve McQueen, Robert Redford, Jack Nicholson, James Caan and AI Pacino. Below: Willard's patrol 
boat chugs upriver thraugh an inferno of destruction, with an imitation PLAYBOY centerfald pinup on deck to boast his men’s morale. 


= = 


SPS 


© 


PLAYBOY'S PLAYMATE OF THE MONTH 


AVA SSIW 


PLAYBOY 


SNAKE HEAD 


(continued from page 112) 


“My cobra eyes stared at me from the mirror. A reptile 
throat rose from my shoulders. I was magnificent.” 


that for?” he said when he saw it. He 
was trying on a Jimmy Carter mask and 
chuckling at himself. The clerk told him 
vey had just sold the last Menachem 


for know," I said. “It’s те." 

I slipped it on. It was very dark and 
I could hardly see out, My eyes were fo- 
cused through two small holes in the 
roof of the cobra’s rubber mouth, It was 
like tunnel vision, the clerk's face loom- 
ing toward me as through a fisheye lens. 

“It’s very unique, dear,” she said, 
squinting at me. “I only had half a 
dozen of these, and I had to order them 
back in January. This is the last one.” 

Some other customers started to gather 
around me, pointing and snickering. I 
made hideous faces at them, testing the 
mask, They didn't sec. 

"TH take it," I said. My voice bellowed 
in my cars behind the thick rubber walls. 

"Isn't it awfully hot?" my husband 
said. He peered in at me without meet- 
ing my eyes and nodded in satisfaction, 
as though he had paused at the entrance 
of a haunted cave and found it empty. 

I wore the head all the way home in 
the car. I could see only straight ahead; 
palm trees waved like giant feelers at the 
edge of my vision. I had the odd sensa- 
tion of being brought home from the 
hospital. Instead of taking the freeway, 
my husband drove slowly down Ventura 
Boulevard all the way from Tarzana to 
Studio City. Although it was early after- 
noon and the window was rolled 
down, nobody seemed to notice my head. 
I could tell he was disappointed. 

“And they say people in New York are 
blasé,” he muttered. 

б 

For the party, І put on a strapless 
gown of purple velvet, swarming with 
seed pearls and rhinestones. I also had 
black-velvet gloves to my clbows, a rhine- 
stone bracelet and black-patentleather 
shoes with straps around my ankles. Fi 
nally, I draped a fawn-colored rabl 
fur jacket around me. The jacket felt 
odd; my husband had given it to me and 
I had never worn it. The thought of the 
dead rabbits was still faintly sickening. 

My cobra cyes stared at me from the 
mirror. A golden reptile throat rose 
from my shoulders. I was magnificent. 

“Its a shame you don’t have some 
green body paint,” my husband said. He 
was angry because he wanted to go as а 
gypsy and I wouldn't let him take my 
violin. He thought he had a right to it 


122 because I hadn't played in two years. He 


grumbled as he cut a hole in my throat 
so I could drink through a straw without 
taking off the head. 

It turned out to be onc of those Holly- 
wood parties. I'm not sure how we 
were invited, but we went because my 
husband thought he might make somc 
connections. Someone told him Ralph 
Bakshi might be there. A Doberman in 
a feather boa lunged for me at the 
door, barking and frothing. Fidel Castro 
slapped the dog's snout until it was 
quict, and handed me a joint. 
harmed, Fidel. I'm Joan Crawford,” 
T said, holding out my velvet hand to 
him. He looked pleased to be recognized. 
Nearly everyone laughed. My husband 
beamed; he hadn't been so proud of me 
in years. I held the joint to my throat 
and watched in the mirror as the smoke 
slid out over my black tongue. 

We went out onto the patio and stood, 
smoking, under the cardboard skeletons 
hanging from the eucalyptus trees. Their 
feet scraped loudly against my head. 1 
could tell that Ralph Bakshi wasn't 
going to show up there. I got myself a 
glass of wine punch. 

“Hey, what do you look like under 
that mask?" sone guy asked. He wore a 
tweed cap and there were several pipes 
in his pockets. I tried to decide whether 
or not the pinkish-purple blotches had 
been painted on his cheeks. “1 bet under 
that mask you've got blonde hair. Am 1 
right? The coar's the tipolf; if you had 
dark hair, you wouldn't wear a coat that 
color.” 

“If she had, like, black hair, the con- 
trast would be too much,” someone else 
agreed. He was an actor from Phoenix. 
He told us several times that he had just 
arrived in L.A. yesterday with two dol- 
lars and cight cents in his pocket. His 
shoes didn't match and his eyebrows 
were drawn so that one went up and the 
other down, 

"I bet she's got blue eyes, or maybe 
hazel, and high checkbones. And very 
soft skin,” the guy with the pipes said 
suggestively. His acne glowed eerily un- 
der the patio lloodlights. 

My husband smirked, pleased. 

“Just pretend I'm not here,” 
and had another hit. 

A girl with pigtails and white knee 
socks came bouncing out of the house. 
Under one arm she carricd a cloth doll 
in a bonnet. “I heard there was some- 
thing to smoke out here. I haven't moved 
so fast all night.” She giggled. 


1 said, 


“It's harsh,” 
her the joint. 
“Harsh. It's 


the actor said, passing 


ice to hear harsh. I mean. 
people say raspy. Raspy and dusted!" 
She tossed her pigtails and took the joint 
in long. noisy gasps. “It’s Nippy- Hey, 
you're a soldier,” she said to Fidel. 

He took the cigar out of his mouth d 
gustedly. “Exactly what are you supposed 
to be?" he said. 

"Im four years old,” she said, cradling 
the doll. 


Im 


twenty-one, going on a thou- 
sand.” The guy with the pipes kept try- 
ing to look in at me, but he was having. 
a hard time standing up. 1 was having a 
hard time trying to figure out why no 
one seemed to have come in costume. 

“God, aren't there any potato chips? 
Raw vegetables give me ulcers,” the actor 
said and wandered off. 

The guy with the pipes poked the 
girl's doll. “That Raggedy Ann?" 

The fouryearold scowled, crinkling 
her painted freckles. “This is Holly Hob- 
bic. Her friends call her Hobbie; I mean, 
Holly.” She dissolved in giggles. 

I found that I could push pretzel sticks 
through my throat. 

“I want to show you something,” Fidel 
whispered. Не Ied me up to his room. 
Over his bed was a huge oil painting of 
a Venet canal. He told me he had 
painted it himself in 20 hours. It wasn't. 
badly done at all. Somehow, he had put 
a small light behind it so there was a 
sun in the sky, which he could make 
brighter or dimmer. The sky was a kind 
of faded amber color and the crumbling 
buildings were dried caramel. He turned 


the sun low for me. "I knew you'd like 
Venice,” he said, fingering my purple 
velvet. 


Just then, the foi 
“Wow. What color is i 

Fidel lct go of my dress and put the 
cigar back in mouth. He looked as 
though it didn't taste particularly good. 
"There are twenty-two colors in it,” he 
said. "I have them written underneath. 

‘The four-year-old bent over him to get 
closer to the painting. |t was getting 
hot inside the head; I felt like going out 
again. As I left, I heard her telling Fidel 
that she could sec a little blue. I met 
the Doberman on the stairs. He quietly 
showed me his teeth but didn't bai 

My husband scarcely took his off 
me all night. He devotedly brought me 
carrot sticks and slivers of zucchini to 
push through my throat. Once or twice 
he pressed against me behind the р 
bowl. 

Two more people came to the party. 
cop and his girlfriend. They came as 
cach other. The guy who thought 1 was 
a blonde had taken over the stereo and 
was playing two lines of a Dylan song 
over and over again. 

(continued on page 180) 


just when you thought you'd survived the seventies, along come three wise guys with 
some advance nostalgia for the eighties. relax—it couldn't be this bad. could it? 


AND THAT'S THE WAY 


у 


humor By CHRISTOPHER CERF TONY HENDRA and PETER ELBLING 


ANUARY 1, 1990. It would have been difficult to convince the desperate gasaholic of 1983 that what he dreamed of as he 
J jogged to work in his recycled polyester suit—an abundance of oil—might turn out to be a disaster. But a disaster is 

what the oil glut turned out to be, deflating an cconomy dependent on inflation, throwing into penury countries and 
companies that thrived on shortages. 

"The Eighties were а decade of supreme contradictions: ten years of glorious up- and downheavals, 120 months that have 
had extraordinary effects in all areas, 

Let us look again at the successes—and failures—of the tumultuous era 1980-1989. The decline and fall of Congress. The 
legendary tour of the Great Wall of China. The much-vaunted—and regretted—International Year of the Simultancous Orgasm. 
The first nationwide election of Anchor Man of the United States. The dream of ending world hunger with the potatolo—a 
cross between a buffalo and a tuber. Let us live again in a time that knew the horrors of cancer and the joys of broccoli. In a 
world that boasted pets, páté and post offices. Let us recall what it was like when sex still included the need to achieve orgasn 
and let us remember how it felt, in a world virtually deprived of man-made fibers, to stumble around in a plasterboard su 

Here, then, їз а blow-by-blow account of how we lived, loved, danced, dressed and dreamed—throughout the Eighties: 


1980 


January 9. The Mexican 

National Oil Corporation 

opened the first MEXXXON 

station in San Antonio. 
March 19, A nationwide 

chain of law firms, Torts 

"В" Us, opened for business 


g 

April 15. Jane Fonda and 
her husband, Tom, announced 
the founding of the Holly- 
wood United Activists 
Coalition (HUAC). The or- 
ganization’s purpose, they 
said, was to “ferret out" mem- 
bers of the entertainment in- 
dustry who might directly or 
indirectly have supported the 
U. S. war effort in Vietnam. 

May 2. The Italian govern- 
ment announced that it 
would start accepting kidnap- 
сез as legal tender. 

July 15. In their continuing 
h for equal rights, women 
i ted on a shorter average 
female life span. 

July 19-August 3. The 
Moscow Olympics were 
marked by a series of surpris- 
ingly easy wins for Soviet 
athletes. Visiting teams were 
hampered by such things 
as marbles on the track during 
field events and a series of 
all-night vodka parties in and 
around the Olympic Village. 

August 11. James Earl 
Carter lost the Democratic 
nomination for President to 
Edward Kennedy. The next 
day, in a widely praised 
move to preserve party unity, 
Carter accepted the Vice- 
Presidential slot. 


1983: Simultaneous orgasm 
became a universal cause, 
as millions of people cried, 
“Stop the world—we want 
to get ofj!" 


1981 
January 7. Personalized li- 


er's net worth, began 
appearing in Beverly Hills. 


Edward Kennedy, fulfilling 
а campaign promise, an- 
nounced that his first act as 
President would be to donate 
his liver to Senator Russell 
Long of Louisiana. 

January 57. The First Na- 
tional Bank of Toledo was 
held up by a robber wielding 
a homemade atomic bomb. 

January 29. President Ed- 
ward Kennedy reacted badly 
1o the removal of his liver. A 

arful Bakke, who both 
suggested and performed the 
operation, apologized to 
the American people with 
the words “I know, I know— 
it's two kidneys, one liver.” 
‘The gallant Kennedy later 
resigned. 

February 14. John, Paul, 
George and Ringo were kid- 
naped by a crazed fan, taken 
secretly to north London and 
forced to record a new single. 

March 24. To liven up Con- 
gressional TV broadcasts, 


1986: Military madness 
swept the nation as the 
disco Army rolled to 

victory. г 


September 17. Jerry Brown 1984: Bootleggers of 
announced he was resigning illegal meat peddled. 
the governorship of Califor- their filthy wares to 
nia to devote more time to small children and 
Federal-spending reform. desperate meat addicts. 
Three days later, he accepted 
the presidency of the CBS 
television network. 

October 1. Consumer Con- 
cepts of Toledo marketed the 
satellite umbrella, a reinforced 
steel device designed to pro- 
tect pedestrians from orbital 
debris. 

November 3. In a bold 
election-eve bid for white- 
middle-class support, Edward 
Kennedy announced he was 
appointing Allan Bakke as his 
personal physician. The next 
day, Kennedy won the Pres- 
idency by one electoral vote. 

December 9. The ruling 
h of Iran ordered that 
all foreign clocks within his 
Islamic republic were to have 
their hands cut off. 


cense plates, stating the own- 


January 13. President-elect 


1982: The solar electric 
chair added a trendy spark 
to arguments in favor of 
capital punishment. 


P 


the House 
voted to adopt a gameshow 
format for its forthcoming 
hearings. 
May 1. In a successful at- 
tempt to boost attendan 
U.S. Lawn Tennis Associa- 
tion announced the introduc- 
tion of Team Contact Tennis. 
June he Beatles were re- 
leased unharmed after a 
Winnetka, Illinois, teenager 
discovered that their new 
single, when played backward, 
| revealed where they were 
2 being held 
June 22. The GAA an- 


- nounced its campaign for the 


rights of gay toddlers. 

July 12. Nancy Lopez beat 
ndra Post by five strokes 
in the first annual Patti Smith 

Open golf tournament. 


1982: Revved up from the 
success of the 

Tut exhibit, promoters 
brought us the Great 
Wall of 
~ China. 


ede eec = 


1981: The do-it- 
yourself trend 
enjoyed an 
even bigger 
boom as home 
hobbyists be- 
gan building 
their very own 
A-bombs. 


Seplember 4. Congressional 
Squares premiered on ABC. 
The show featured Senators 
and Congressmen trading ac- 
cusations of wrongdoing in 
public office, garnered huge 
ratings and led to public de- 
mand for a punitive Congres- 
sional Code of Ethics. 

October 10. Checker Motors 
Corporation, in conjunction 

th Runner's World maga- 
zine, introduced a line of 
metered rickshas to provide 
“healthy, economical, pollu- 

n-free" public transporta- 
tion. 

November 13. The first 
shipment of General Mills" 
Rice Helper arrived in 


1989: Louise Joy Brown, 
the first test-mbe baby, 
claimed she qualified for 
ay, Immaculate 
m 


, Conception 
S status. 


1982 


January 13. Disney Produc- 
tions reached agreement with 
the bankrupt British govern- 
ment to turn the island nation 
into a theme park to be known 


as the United Magic Kingdom. * 


March 29. Masters and 
Johnson announced the dis- 
covery of two distinct types of 


male orgasm: the penile and 
the scrotal. 

April 3. The Great Wall of 
China arrived in Washing- 
ton, D.C., on the first leg 
of its record-breaking United 
States tour. 

May 14. In line with public 
reaction to Congressional 
Squares, both Houses passed 
the most stringent ethics code 
ever known. 

June 11. New Mexico 
instituted a novel means of 
capital punishment—the 
solar electric chair. 

July 4. Pope John Paul IL 
proclaimed, in his encyclical 
"Via T Vcom,” that thence- 
forth Catholics could receive 
all seven sacraments over 
television. 

August 13. In light of a 
precipitous drop in the white 
birth rate and a chronic 
shortage of adoptable chil- 
dren, the New York 


Commodity Exchange an- 
nounced that it would start 
trading in baby futures. 

September 7. Vietnamania, 
a nostalgic cvocation of 
the war in Southeast Asia, 
opened on Broadway. The 
show included an 
Army physical at the door, the, 
sale of K rations at 

n stands, punji sticks 


periodic strafing of the audi- 
ence with AK 47s. 
September 9. Vogue's fall 
troduced 
d mobility,” featur- 
ing curlers and polyester 4 Y 
muumuus under the banne: 
“HALSTON GOES QUEENS.” 1987: Breakthroughs in 
ic engineering gave 
ious (some 
said too-sweet) pigalo. 


Gary “Stilts” Murchison made ООУ Кел 
history when, in the General Bakke таза 
th inning of a vital game _ aççailable evidence” that 
against the Red Sox, he jogging. est, hang gliding and 
imported bottled mineral 
water caused cancer. 
November 2. Thirteen 
percent of the country's voters 
showed up at the polls, 
approving a referendum that 
cut off most funds to the 
Federal Government and 
electing representatives of 
various lunaticfringe 
groups—apparently the only 
people ethical enough 
for the new ethics code. The 
98th Congress was immediate- 
ly (continued on page 186) 


1982: Baseball teams took 
the first step toward a 
tenth position—the 
on-field attorney. 


1988: The credo of 
the very fashion- 
able became, “You 
can't ever be too 
rich... or too fat.” 


stopped 30 feet short of home 
plate and demanded a. 
raise. Lawyers representing 
Murchison and the team 
hastily negotiated a new deal 
and the rangy slugger 
stumbled home with the 
winning run and a revised 
five-year contract. 

October 1. Worried by 
forecasts of a small voter 
turnout in November, the 
Administration announced. 
that any citizen showing 
up at the polls would get a 
free toaster. 

October 10. Faced with a 
dismal carnings record, 
McDonald's decided to extend 
its franchising to individual 
households. The franchise 
included perky uniforms for 
Mom and Dad, a weekly 
quota of buns, burgers and 
special sauce and a pair of 
miniature golden arches for 
the front lawn. 


126 


ECAUSE I GREW UP in a multiethnic environ- 
ment in New York City, the South has 
always conjured up some bad news reac- 
tions on word-asso ion tests for me: 
Klan, lynch, redneck, moonshine, speed- 
trap towns and death . . . lots of death. 
As the years have passed, I've started 
hearing some flip sides. There's the “New 
South," with Atlanta as cosmopolitan as 
New York. I've heard that, despite the head- 
line horrors, Southerners get along racially 
better than Northerners. And that forci 
blacks prefer the upfrontness of the South 
to the hypocritical liberal bullshit of the 
North. 
But despite all my revisionist thoughts, 
the only good images that have held up in 
my head are Southern novelists and the 
University of Alabama football team. The 
novelists because they are good or great and 
the Crimson Tide because, like Notre 
Dame, they are the New York Yankees of 
college football. 1 don't give a rat's ass about football, college 
or otherwise, and I'm not crazy about regimentation or bullet- 
head a ities. But 1 do admire winners. 

And as ignorant as I am of the "real" South and football in 
general, even / know that the man behind the winning tradi- 
tion at Alabama is a magnetic, scary John Wayne type named 
Paul “Bear” Bryant. I would see him every few years on a 
televised bowl game, standing on the side lines, craggy-faced, 
in that houndstooth hat. I figured he was some kind of coach- 
ing genius. I also got the notion that he was somebody I was 
very glad not to have as a teacher in any course I was flunking. 

On the plane headed for Birmingham, 1 am armed with two 

documents: Bear, coach Bryant's autobiography; and the 1978 
Alabama Football Crimson Tide Press Guide. Bear doesn't do 
much for me—it's a little too cagily humble. The Press Guide, 
on the other hand, has me freaking out six ways to Sunday. 
These guys are monsters. Even the handsome fraternity types 
have that combat-veteran look about them. 
[hc other things that are dizzying in the press book are the 
win-loss stats, They're almost pornographic. Since Bryant went 
to Alabama in 1958, the Tide's record has been 193-38-8. In 
the past eight years, try 85-11—that's almost 11 wins per season. 
They were in 20 bowl games in a row, won all but one South- 
eastern Conference title since 1971 (76 went to Georgia), won 
five national championships since 1961 and have a home record 
of 60-1, with 45 straight victorie 

Bryant is the winningest active coach, with 284 victories in 
31 years at four schools, and is third in total wins only to Amos 
Alonzo Stagg and Pop Warner as far as the history of the game 
goes. 

At the Birmingham airport, I start wondering why the hell 1 
am keying in so much on the hairdos I see all around me. The 
Dolly Parton pompadours, the rock-a-billy duck asses, the mili- 
tary knuckleheads. Then J look in a mirror. With the possible 
exception of a photo of Duane Allman, I have the longest hair 
of anybody I've seen all day. 1 start getting visions of rusty scis- 
sors in a sheriff's office. Ah, that's all Hollywood horseshit, I tell 
myself. But I do go into a men's room and remove my earring. 

e. 

Bryant Hall is where all the players have to live for the 
four or five years they're at Alabama. It was among the first 
sports dorms in the country and it (continued on page 197) 


ILLUSTRATION BY KINUKO Y, CRAFT 


BEAR 
BRYANT O 
MRACLES 


there are two religious 
forces in alabama: the first 
worked wonders with the 
red sea; the other does the 
same with the crimson tide 


Sports 
By the author of The Wanderers, 


RICHARD PRICE 


The obviously irresistible 
Cinderella smile of 18:ycar-old, 
Munich-born Playmate 

Ursula won her her first 

job as a baker's apprentice 
and, later on, increasingly 
large parts in international film 
and television productions. 


Ursula Buchfellner loves 
toride Municlv's trolley 
cars (right). “Some- 
times I can't help think- 
ing that my life now is 
acontinuing dream, 
that I am a slecping 
princess waiting for 
princes to wake me up.” 


octorocists have been telling us for decades 

that growing up in the slums breeds malice. 

This month's Playmate, Ursula Buchfellner, 

1 living contradiction of that adage. Says photog- 

rapher Peter Weissbrich, for whom she posed in 

Chicago and in her native Мипіс Jrsula is an 

angel. A lascivious angel. Her radiation compensates 
for the [uel shortage in my studio.” 

"Third of ten children, Ursula grew up in a dingy, 

crowded two-bedroom apartment in Munich's Hasen- 

bergl district, the local — (text continued on page 133) 


we have to hand it to our german colleagues for discoverin, ig ursula 
buchfellner, main attraction of a munich pastry shop; shed whet any man's appetite 


DEUTSCH TREAT 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY PETER WEISSBRICH 


When back from her travels, Ursula loves to go 
shopping in dow! 
where, until a few years ago, she had never U 
tured. Returning to her home, she muses: 
that my "real achievement would be to find 
lots of love. All that tenderness is stored up in me 
I'm in love with love, I gi 


“At 18, Im not even supposed to 
be ready for the big thing. 


Sure, Tm poised, I have no fear 
of the camera or the mike, or of 
strangers. Yet when I am alone, 1 
fear that when I meet the really 
right guy, I shall lose all my cool” 


Hell's Kitchen. Her only toy was a rag doll. Food was scarce and 
her clothes were third- and fourth-hand. She saw her first film on 
her 14th birthday, Unable to afford trolley fare, she never left her 
district. In school, her classmates made fun of her: She was the 
skinniest and tiniest of them all. And, too shy to open her mouth, 
she inevitably received the worst grades. 

When she graduated at 15, the authorities couldn't provide her 
with an apprentice job anywhere; employers shunned hiring 
youngsters from the Hasenbergl. So Ursula took matters into her 
own hands. In Schwabing—the (text concluded on page 222 


Ursula visits a recording studio 
(left) with a girlfriend, hit 

singer Penny McLean, and a beer 
garden (below) with her 

current boyfriend. There are always 
some of her sisters and brothers 

at home glad to see her when 

she visits her parents (bottom). 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


NAME ‚ууу 8 uch fln L^ 

sur. 3 3$ warst: 2$ — ups; 33 — 

HEIGHT: S4 wercur: 103 sin: Gemi 

BIRTH DATE Ҳаме V. 1361 втвтнрлсє: 

coas: To comfimue trounkimg Ml auo the world _ 

Quo o pola ane: 2 2 

TURN-ONS : Romambec e amol oe boy эө to ya eut A 

Bolen. Ридо ц clos 


TURN-OFFS :. gelal, Ват and Rockers, Nealon people. 


or 


, 
FAVORITE MOVIES: 
Б 5 g , ч З 2 e 


FAVORITE MUSICIANS :. 


Р, 


\ = ry g Oaka. ua coh LEE 
FAVORITE BOOKS “tuck Corr, ааг _ buona kaka by — 


FAVORITE roons: Chimene , framh factors. Boe atruclel 
SECRET DREAM: Jø become Famous ailh oud Baumg 


Co pay a too h 


Boker’ Aygo 
AS 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


| don't suppose they'll ever bring our food," 
«omplained the woman in the crowded restau- 
rant as she finished off her third martini. Then 
Фе slipped her hand under the tablecloth, 
fondled her husband's thigh and giggled, "Its 
silly to spend all night here, George, when we 
could be together in our very own bed.” 

“What's the difference?” sighed George. 
“With or without the drinks, at home the service 
would be just as slow.” 


lt must have been a wise old botanist who 
pointed out that a penis is the only thing that 
has to be grown before it's planted. 


Gossips are snickering about the really un- 
attractive girl who has a jealous crush on a 
handsome comedian and surreptitiously follows 
him around. It’s clearly a case of the dog tail- 
ing the wag. 


Halloween," said a madam named Hicks, 
“Is a time, girls, to honor guys’ dicks. 
Since your Johns have spent wads, 
ГЇЇ reward them with bods— 
So tonight you'll be treating your tricks.” 


Some fellow 1 met at the Student Union today 
has invited me to visit him in his apartment for 
an oralsex session,” the fresh-from-the-farm 
coed told her roommate. 

“Do you plan to go?" 

"I'm not sure. I'm a little concerned about 
just what he might try to do when he got tired 
of discussing the subject." 


Legal note: A girl who lived for years with a 
Hollywood bisexual is suing him for a quarter 
of all he has. 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines circum- 
cised Copenhagener as a pruncd Danish. 


No sooner had the brave young shepherd saved 
the life of the ragged old lady than the latter 
turned into a beautiful young princess. “Thank 
you, thank you, young man!” cried the girl. 
“You have broken the spell! Jf you name three 
wishes, I will do all I can to have them ful- 
filled." 

“If it's all the same to you," responded the 
shepherd, gazing at the princess, "I'd like to 
have only one wish granted—but three times!” 


Because the young wife of an escaped convict 
who had becn recaptured during their honey- 
moon was lonely and wanted a baby, a social- 
service group made special arrangements for 
her to be artificially inseminated with her hus- 
band’s sperm forwarded from the prison labora- 
tory. “Tell me, baby, was whatever they did 
unpleasant for you?" the convict asked his wife 
when she visited him for the first time after 
the event. 

“Not really, honey,” she answered. “In fact, 
it wasn’t too much different from, you know, 
regular sex—except that the doctor didn't 
bother to put his inseminator in one of those 
little rubber bags first.” 


What with the question of the clitoral versus 
q 

the vaginal orgasm, it’s perhaps no wonder that 

girls today don't know where they're coming 

from. 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines medieval 
masturbator as a pounding serf. 


Superman,” asked an admirer, “what was your 
most memorable experience?” 

“I think it was when I was flying around one 
дау,” replied the hero, “and noticed Wonder 
Woman lying naked on her balcony, moving 
her pelvis most suggestively. Naturally, I 
zoomed right down on top of her.” 

“Boy, she must really have been surprised!” 
grinned the admirer. 

“Yes, I guess she was—but not nearly as sur- 
prised as the Invisible Man. 


Why, Lorraine, there are black-and-blue marks 


on your fanny!” exclaimed a coed in the soror- 
ity-house shower room. “Have you been dating 
some kinky риу?" 

“No, nothing like that,” smiled Lorraine. 
“It happened during a geology field trip. I got 
caught between a rock and a hard-on.” 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on a post- 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY, 
Playboy Bldg., 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, 
Ill. 60611. $50 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


“Yoo-hoo, honey! I’ve brought you a little something to 
get you through your postnatal depression!” 


141 


SYNOPSIS: Michael Storrs, a successful 
management consultant, is obsessed with 
challenging death. His dangerous sports 
hobbies have dec ply affected his marriage 
with Tracy Lawrence. After a boating 
accident in which both he and his father- 
in-law are almost killed, Tracy asks for a 
separation. Some time later, Michael is 
injured in a barroom fight while defend- 
ing his friend Antoine, and while he’s in 
the hospital recuperating, Michael de- 
cides that he must quit his job, leave the 
city and retreat to Green Hollow, Ver- 
mont, a shi resort that he remembers 
fondly. 

In Green Hollow, Michael checks into 
the Alpina, a pleasant hotel owned by 
the Heggeners. The first night of his stay, 
Eva Heggener invites herself into his 
room and it is soon apparent that hers 


is not a business visit. She spends most 
of the night with Michael, who finds her 
wonderfully sensuous and voluptuous. 
The next day, he contacts David Cully, 
head of the local ski school, for a job 
as a ski instructor, At Eva’s request, he 
is assigned to be her private icacher. As 
the days pass, Eva and Michael routinely 
dine together in the evening and enjoy 
each other at night. One evening she 
announces that her husband will be ar- 
riving the next day and invites him to 
join them for dinner. Michael acce pis. 
Andreas Heggener turns out to be a 
very distinguished gentleman in his mid- 
50s who had been quite an active skier 
before his illness. He has a rare form of 
tuberculosis, he explains, and is often 
away at hospitals and clinics for tests. 
When Eva leaves the table to take a call, 


he frankly refers to his wife's “seasonal 
young men” and comments that this time 
She seems to have made a good choice. 

Michael and Eva ski together in the 
afternoons, but since Heggener's return, 
the night visits have temporarily stopped. 
ds he gels to know Heggener better, 
Michael suspects that Andreas is much 
stronger than the doctors say and he 
suggests that perhaps he could do some 
mild skiing. Although at first reluctant, 
Нек епет agrees to try. Eva, however, is 
furious at the suggestion. 

Michael starts skiing with Heggener in 
the mornings and with Eva in the after- 
noons. To cveryone's surprise, Andreas 
gains strength from the exercise, and 
one night, in а moment of optimism, 
he throws out all his medications. Eva, 
however, continues to be outraged and 


accuses Michael of trying to kill Andreas 
so that he can have her for himself. 
Infuriated by her accusation, Michael 
storms out. He knows he should get out 
of this crazy, complicated mess and leave 
Green Hollow. But he also knows that he 
cannot leave and forget Eva so easily. 


PARI Ill THE FOLLOWING Saturday 
afternoon, Michael drove 
-gliding school to ta i 
ion that Jerry Wi 
planned. The wind was still bad but had 
abated somewhat and Michael decided 
it was manageable. There were about 12 
young men, all very much of the same 
mold and manner as Williams, and all of 
them, aside from Michael, with their own 
gliders. 
“Hi, Mike,” (continued on page 152) 


( 


) 


Um 
OF 
(EE BL 


ЛОЙМ SHAW _ 


by 


| 


andreas was determined not to 
die, and his courageous 
struggle for life 
By taught michael his 


most important lesson 


ES 


FIRST LOOK 
SS 


atanewnovel ~ 


Sos 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY FRANCOIS GILLET 


DAM AND EVE notwithstanding, 
A pple aficionados insist there 
are more tempting ways with 
the piquant pomme than eating it out 
of hand. What they have in mind is 
cider, hard cider in the United States, 
a crisp, tart-swect, low-alcohol potable, 
often, though not always, effervescent. 
It is made by fermenting the juice of 
apples, just as wine is made by ferment- 
ing grapes and beer by fermenting grain. 
While there are similarities, cider—with 
its unmistakable orchard tang—is quite 
distinctive. Devotees contend it’s lighter 
than wine and more refreshing than 
beer. Alcohol content generally ranges 
between the two, though Devon scrumpy, 
known to turn the legs into spaghetti, 
can go 15 percent or more alcohol 
At one time, cider referred to any 
strong drink. Etymologists trace the 
word back to the Hebrew shékar, mean- 
ing strong drink. Cider has been cele- 
brated in literature and lauded by 
statesmen, and it’s part of our national 
heritage—even more American than ap- 
ple pie. It was esteemed by the colonists 
as both beverage and medicine, the 
standard remedy for every ailment 
known on the frontier, and even fed to 
children. Like other farmers, a Virginian 


drink 


By EMANUEL GREENBERG 


SAUCE 


FROM THE 


APPLE 


eve favorite fruit 


makes an ideal quaff for fall 


145 


PLAYBOY 


named George Washington fermented 
cider from apples grown in his orchards. 
John Adams, reputedly a cider con- 
noisseur, downed a tankard of the stuff 
every morning at breakfast. 

When more potent spirits were called 
for, New Englanders didn't mess with 
distillation; they sank a cask of cider in 
a snowbank, knowing the alcohol would 
remain liquid but the water fraction 
would freeze. A hot poker pushed 
through the bunghole cleared an ореп- 
p. releasing the high-proof "jack." 
Cider remained in favor during the 19th 
Century. In fact, early temperance mili- 
tants didn't march on saloons, they lev- 
eled apple orchards—and the phrase “on 
the wagon” derives from an American 
harvest custom. After several hours of 
haying in the hot sun, the hands would 
hop off the wagon for a cider break. At 
the call “Everyone back on the wagon,” 
guzzling ceased and work was resumed. 

Considering this lusty tradition, it’s 
incredible that virtually no commercial 
cider is produced here today. The root 
problem is the morass of terminology 
that has everyone from the Feds to farm- 
ers and consumers confused. Everywhere 
else, cider is an alcoholic beverage. In 
the United States, it is nonalcoholic and 
synonymous with apple juice, whether 
it's called sweet cider, farm cider, coun- 
try cider or old-fashioned cider. Fer- 
mented ciders are usually labeled hard 
cider, while the term apple wine is 
reserved for cider with ten percent or 
more alcohol. The high-proof apple 
sips, applejack and calvados, are dis- 
tillates of hard cider—technically, apple 
brandy, with as much clout as w 
A uniform standard of identity fixing a 
range of 3.2 percent to 7 percent alco- 
hol for cider has been introduced in 
Congress. When it is enacted, we should 
see an enthu: ic resumption of cider 
making in America. 

Meanwhile, the English, French and 
Canadians are manfully shouldering the 
task of assuaging our growing cider 
thirst. Since soils, apple strains, yeasts 
and, to an extent, methods differ, ciders 
from each country exhibit distinctive na- 
tional styles. English cider, the proto- 
type, is on the dry side, lightly tannic, 
with an apple tang and aroma. McCart- 
neys is fairly dry and quite yeasty. 
Bulner's Woodpecker is a bit sweeter 
and smoother, with more body and a 
touch of tannin. French cidre is fairly 
sweet and heavy, with modest alcohol 
and a pronounced apple smack. Purpom, 
number onc in France, is rich and fruity. 
The Canadians are light-bodied, pleas- 
antly appley and not as aggressive as the 
French nor as woody as the English. To 
some, they're reminiscent of fragrant 
white wines. Double Six is clean, crisp 
nd lightly yeasty, with a nice balance 


146 of acids, tannins and sweetness. 


ipplementing its other v 
is versatile—a refreshing sip any time 
and a natural companion to food. It 
complements pork, veal. sausages and 
most fish. Paired with a corned-beef or 
tuna sandwich, it makes an agreeable 
light Iunch. In Normandy, cider is served 
with cheese, even pungent ones such as 
pont l'évéque. And, on ше word of 
David Bullard, president of the North 
Ате Cider Association, “It’s the cat's 
pajamas with fried chicken.” Of course, 
ler is a perfect foil for the Thanks- 
giving cornucopia of roast turkey, sweet 
potatoes and stuffing. Serve it well 
chilled, opening bottles as needed, since 
the carbonation dissipates quickly. 

If cider is your dinner beverage, why 
not stay with the apple all the 
Apple juice and hard cider are both 
amiable mixers, blending gracefully with 
the popular spirits. The drinks given be- 
low, based on the apple, are guaranteed 
to launch your celebration in good style. 


APPLE SNAP 


2 ozs. whiskey or brandy 

2 ozs. apple juice 

2 ors. (approximately) 7-Up or other 

lemon soda, chilled 

Lemon wedge 

Pour liquor and apple juice over ice in 
highball glass. Stir. Add lemon soda, to 
taste. Squeeze lemon wedge over glass; 
add pecl. Stir quickly. 


NEW MEXICO SUNRISE. 


2 ors. tequila 

3 ozs. apple juice 

2 teaspoons grenadine 

Lemon slice 

Pour tequila over ice in highball glass. 
Add apple juice and stir well. Trickle 
grenadine in slowly; don't stir. Hang 
lemon slice on rim of glass. 


BLACK SNAKE 


A drink known better 
than in the U. 

1 oz. blackberry-flavored brandy 

2 ozs. hard cider 

Lemon twist 

Shake blackberry-flavored brandy and 
cider with ice. Strain into cocktail glass. 
"Twist lemon peel over, then add to glass. 


in England 


APPLE 


SOCKER 
1% ozs. bourbon 

4 ozs. apple juice 
Dash Angostura bitte 
Garnish: apple wedge (unpeeled), or- 

ange wedge, lime wedge 

Pour bourbon and apple juice over ice 
n large old fashioned glass. Add bitters; 
stir. Fix garnishes around side of glass, 
with peels facing out, so colors show. 


STONEWALL 


Popular quencher in Colonial Amer- 
ica. It was prepared in quantity, jugged 


and taken out to field hands. Propor- 
tions may be varied to taste. 

1% ozs. dark rum 

8 ozs. apple juice 

Slice lemon, half slice orange 

Shake rum and apple juice with ice. 
Strain into goblet or large sour glass. 
Decorate with fruit. 

Note: For a Stone Fence, substitute. 
applejack or calvados for dark rum. 


APPLE SLING 


ly, ozs. gin 

Y4 oz. cherry cordial 

1 teaspoon benedictine (optional) 

¥ oz. lemon juice 

1 teaspoon sugar, or to taste 

Apple juice, chilled 

Strip lemon peel 

Shake gin, cordials, lemon juice and 
sugar briskly with cracked ice. Strain 
over fresh ice in old fashioned glas. Add 
generous splash apple juice; stir. Twist 
lemon peel over glass, then drop in. 


BUZZ SAW 

Y4 or. creme de menthe 

1 oz. vodka 

3 ozs. apple juice, chilled 

1 cup crushed ice 

Strip cucumber rind 

Lemon slice (optional) 

Prechill blender container. Buzz all 
ingredients, except. cucumber rind and 
lemon slice, in blender just until smooth. 
Pour into chilled wineglas. Plant cu- 
cumber strip in glass, vertically. Add 
lemon slice, if you like. 


MERTON COLLEGE CIDER CUP 
(Serves ten) 


Merton College is a venerable itu- 
tion, one of the oldest in the Oxford 
University complex. 

1 bottle hard cider, chilled 

% pint dry sherry, chilled 

4 ozs. brandy 

Sugar or simple syrup, to taste 

Sprinkle nutmeg 

1 lemon, slices 

Mint sprigs (optional) 

In 2-quart bowl, with ice, combine 
cider, sherry and brandy. Taste and 
sweeten, if desired. Stir quickly. Add 
light sprinkle nutmeg; float lemon slices 
and garnish bowl with mint or borage, if 
you like. Serve at once. 

Note: Ciders vary from fairly dry to 
fairly sweet, so it's wise to taste before 
sweetening. Simple syrup blends more 
casily and is kinder to the bubbles. 

Borrow an idea from Canada—have a 
cider tasting. A bottle each from Eng. 
land, France and Canada is a representa- 
tive sampling, broad enough to clue you 
in to your cider preference. Great excuse 
for a get-together, too! 


“Men, either we've discovered the New World or 


147 


the saltpeter isn’t working anymore. 


ua 
Tay 


Ane Det 
3 ў, 


reakfast: black coffee, one slice of dry toast. 
No butter, no jelly, no jam. 
Lunch: just some lettuce, two celery stalks, 
No booze, no potatoes, no ham. 
Dinner: one chicken wing, broiled, not fned, 
No gravy. no biscuits, no pie. 
And this dietin’, dietin’, dietin’ 
Sure is a rough way to die. 


о pass me a carrot stick, peel me a prune, 

A glass of skim milk and that's all. 

Turn off the TV, for the Big Mac commercial. 
It's drivin’ me right up the wall. 
And I'm thinkin’ of French fries, sausage and waffles, 
Spaghetti and cookies and cake. 
And each night I’m dreamin’ of chocolate ice cream and 
Im starvin’ to death when I wake—all for your sake. 


оите fixin' the kids all those creamed mashed potatoes, 
But it's bouillon and water for me. 
And you got a lock on the refrigerator. 
Lord knows where you're hidin’ the key. 
And while I'm starvin’ for food late at night, 
Im starvin' for lovin’ from you. 
But you say that when I can see my own dick, 
You'll be glad to look at it, too. 


upper: two pieces of cauliflower raw, 
Some beefsteak the size of a nail, 
One sliced tomato—a small dab of slaw. 
I swear | ate better in jail. 
Stop eatin’ that pizza nght under my nose, 
Girl; that's the least you can do. 
And put down that candy bar while I am talkin’; 
I'm starvin' my ass off for you. 


nd when I am dead, with the insurance paid, 

You'll look down at me and you'll grin. 

You'll say, “Well, the boy tried, and he suffered and died, 
But don't he look good when he's thin?" 


"THE SMALL-SPEAKER revolution has been fought and the down- 
People sing about staying at the Y.M.C.A., there are speakers 
POWERHOUSES that will squeeze into the Y's tiny rooms and still deliver awe- 
some sound. Several technological advances have made all this 


l : - possible: Woofers incorporated into the latest small speakers 
big sounds from little guys can move as much air as their larger cousins; and light 

diminutive-dome tweeters are capable of uncanny bright- 
ness and volume. Although minispeakers may never 
replace the big boys, they do yeoman's service in any 

" room smaller than a concert hall. And when it’s 
time to move, you don't need muscles like Arnold 
Schwarzenegger's to get those boxes out the door. 


== 


E 


M 


N 


In case you've been buried in 
а tme capsule, the crazy, 
mixed-up gang of costumed 
loonies pictured below are the 
Village People, the hottest disco 
group around. Here, they're 
getting great sound from some 
new small speakers. Cawboy- 
hatted good guy Randy Jones, 
at far left, is halding in his right 
hand the David 6000, a great 
litle speaker with a big, 

airy saund, by Vis- 
anik of America, 
$150 each. In his 
left hand is a full- 
range LS-One that 
has а 4⁄4” driver 
and a 1” tweet- 
er, by AudioSource, 
$89.95 each. Hard- 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY GARY HEERY 


hat David "Scar" Hodo next to 
him has latched on to a Qysonic 
Spree that hos three drivers 
built into its apen-fronted cab- 
inet, by Qysonic Research, $139 
each. Glenn M. Hughes is in a 
sweat for the ADS L300, with its 
5%" woofer and a 1” tweeter 


with high-temperature voice 
coils, by Analog and Digital 
Systems, $145 each. Victor 


Willis hangs in there 
ilh a tiny Micro 

100 speaker that 
can outperform 
much bigger mod- 
el, by American 
Acoustics Labs, $100 
each. The sailor, 
Alex Briley, holds a 
Crimson, « nice little 


speaker with a 4” woofer and 
an inexpensive price, by Burhoe 
Acoustics, $90 each. The last 
Village People is Felipe Rose, 
wha's whooping it up over a 
pyramid-shaped Model C speak- 
er that has a 6" driver and a 
dome treble unit, by Fried 
Praducts, $475 each. Under his 
right foot is the Interaudia Mod- 
el 1, by В Base, whose power 
range is up to 60 watts, $84 
each. Under his left foot, you 
can barely see the Gamma Gold 
2006M, with a 64” woofer and 
а dome tweeter, 
by Martin 
Speakers, 

$129 each. 


PLAYBOY 


OP OF 


[HE 


LL 


(continued from page 143) 


“When he came to, he found that he was hanging ona 
branch. He moved his arms and legs cautiously.” 


Williams said as Michael came up to the 
shed. "I was afraid you weren't coming, 
either. 

“What do you mean, 'eithe 

“There were supposed to be twelve 
more fell; Williams said, “but they 
dropped out. Too much wind, they said. 
And these guys here just took a vote and 
they decided nine to three not to go up. 
There goes my big event,” he said bitterly. 
“How about you?” 

Michael looked up at the sky again. 
ve come down in worse. If the three 
other guys will come up, too, ГЇЇ go first. 

“You're a pal, Mike,” Williams said 
gratefully and went to talk to the others 
as Michael got into 1 

“OK,” Williams said, when he came 
back. “You got three customers. I got the 
kite for you tuned like а watch 
He was lending Michael his machine. 

At the top of the hill from which they 
would have to take off, the wind was 
whistling, first from one direction, then 
changing abruptly to another, and the 
other men moved around nervously and 
one of them said Joudly, “We're crazy to 
take off in this crap.” 

Michael helped Williams assemble the 
glider, then methodically got into the 

felt the controls and, without 
ng, made his run off. There was 
the old wonderful, weightless sensation, 
and he grinned as he felt the air buoy 
him up, but then the turbulence began 
and he sideslipped, recovered, felt him- 
self being dragged down fast, fought it, 
saw the ground coming up at him with 
alarming speed, sideslipped again and 
saw that he was going into a stand of 
barelimbed trees. He crashed into a 
tree, to the sound of metal being crushed 
and the tearing of fabric. When he came 
to, he found that he was hanging on a 
gnarled branch. He moved his arms and 
legs cautiously. No broken bones. But his 
face was wet and warm and he knew it 
was blood. Under him he saw Williams 
making a loop in a long rope. Williams 
threw him the rope and Michael secured 
around the branch. Then he freed him- 
self from the wreckage and slid to the 
ground, 

“You owe me for one kite,” Williams 


‘Worth it,” Michael said. "It was a 
nice ride.’ 
“You are 


liams said. 


a cool son of a bitch,” Wil- 


. 
As Michael was looking at his face in 


152 the mirror, the phone rang. It was Eva. 


She had invited him to have dinner at 
the house that evening with her and 
Heggener, but Andreas had gotten a chill 


and was running a fever and she had put 


opinions of both of you,” she said tartly 
and hung up. 

He went over to The Chimney Corner 
to hear Antoine play, and it was almost 
midnight before he left. When he arrived 
back at the cottage, it was dark. As 
he turned on a lamp, he saw Eva sitting 
on the sofa, wearing her lynx coat. 

“Good evening." he said. “Why didn't 
you turn on the ligh 

"I wanted to give you a happy sur- 
prise," Eva said. She herself did not sound 
happy. "How was your evening?" 

Pleasant, Very pleasant. How's An- 
dreas?” 

“Not good,” she said flatly. "Not good 
at all. His fever is up to nearly a hundred 
and two.” She said it accusingly. “But 
he's asleep now. It will be a miracle if 
he's well enough to go to the hospital 
without an ambulance.” 

Michael sighed. 

“Don't sigh as though you wished I 
were а thousand miles away. Aren't you 


Michael said wearily. “I nearly 
got killed this afternoon and I can 
hardly move. 

“You don't care whom you kill, do you? 
Yourself, my husband. . ..” 

"Please," he said, taking off his coat 
and throwi t onto a chair. "I'm dead- 
tired and I want to go to sleep." 

“Your face is a mess," she said, without 
sympathy. 

I'm going to sleep.” 

“I didn't come down here to watch you 
sleep," she said. 

"Jm sorry,” he said. "I can't do any- 
thing... . 
She began to pace up and down the 
small room, the coat open and swirli 
ing her look like a giant, 
us cat. "I'm getting tired of being 
rejected. By you. By my husband. You 
want to kill yoursell—fine. He wants to 
himself—fine, Maybe the sooner the 
better for everybody. Maybe I won't even 
wait. You're not the only two men in the 
world. Just for your information, and 
you can pass it on to your friend, my 
husband, if you wish, there's a man who's 
come over from Austria thrce times in 
the past year to ask me to marry him.” 

"Good for you. I wish you every 
happiness. 

“I'm ured of this miserable little town. 


and these piddling mountains," she said, 
wildly. "Of these dull, 
American peasants. Of drunken brawlers 
with their mangled faces —" 

“Be reasonable, please” 

“I want to live among civilized hu 
beings. I thought maybe you'd help pass 
the season. She was almost snarling 
as she spoke. “But I'm afraid I made a 
mistake. You're a little more intelligent 
than the rest, perhaps, and better ed 
cated, but you're like them all, after the 
first fine careless rapture"—she threw out 
the phrase mockingly—"the same old 
middle-class, timid censoriousness the 
same hypocritical cowardly morality. So 
you're too tired to go to bed with me. Go 
to bed with my husband. I'm sure he'd 
be pleased and so would you and maybe 
when he dies next week or next month, 
he'll die happy and leave you his fortune 
in his will.” 

Michael slapped her. She stood stock- 
still, her lips drawn back, and laughed. 
“So you're too tired to go to bed with a 
woman, but you're пог too tired to hit 
one. You're going to regret that slap, Mr. 
Storrs.” She swept out of the cottage, 
leaving the door open behind her. 

D 

The ringing of the telephone awoke 
him, He groaned as he got off the bed to 
go into the living room to answer it. 
Bright sunlight streamed in through the 
windows as he limped toward the tele- 
phone. The clock on the mantelpiece 
showed that it was a quarter to ten. 
ello,” he said into the phone. 


sound cheerful and wide a 
“I hope I didn't awaken уо! 


“Ive been up since seven,” Michael 


“Fine. No fever and no cough. 1 was 
just wondering if you could manage to 
take me down to New York tomorrow 
instead of waiting. I'd like to get the 
whole foolish business over with as soon 
as possible.” 

Michael ran his hand over his face and 
scraped the stubble of beard and felt the 
scabs of the scratches. He would have 
liked to be more presentable for New 
York, but he said, “Fine. What time in 
the morning?” 
пе OK?" 

“Nine it is. See you then.” 

. 

Exactly at nine, he drove up to the 
Heggener house. He saw that the door to 
the garage was open. Hepgener’s Ford 
was there, but Eva's Mercedes was gone. 
Heggener waiting for him, dressed 
warmly. For his tip to the city, he had 
given up the Tyrolean hat a wear- 
ing a soft black-felt hat, wh square- 
ly on his head. As Michael carried his 
bag to the Porsche, Heggener told him 

(continued on page 170) 


“Actually, I’m one quarter Cherokee myself.” 


for four years, he’s been shaping the country’s most powerful medium in his own image. now, 


opinion By GARY DEEB FRED SILVERMAN has devoured the goose that laid the 


golden egg. The man who led the way in transforming American television from a social 
force into a social disease is about to pay the price. And so are the other men and women who 
have conspired with Silverman and the rest of the network moguls to force-feed more than 
200,000,000 Americans a daily diet of generally wretched entertainment on that three-headed. 


THE MAN WHO DESTROYED + 
` TELEVISION 


T3177 
CPP 
VEL © 
U uin; 
tra at FEL L 74 tee 


малма өлүү 
пое ea nr no 
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стонет 
Ж ы АСА. un 
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‚/ 11} 
ОРА, 
АА раз. „скай 
Ley 


AERE) 


PLAYBOY 


monster—CBS, ABC and NBC. 

Twenty-five years ago, network radio 
lost much of its audience and all of 
thunder to a new commodity called televi- 
sion. Today commercial network TV is 
being threatened by similar new tech- 
nology [see Tuning In on the New TV 
Technology, page 918]. Already, cable 
and pay TV—featuring unedited movies, 
sports and music attractions—are siphon- 
ing off viewers in hundreds of cities and 
towns across the country. Twenty percent 
of the nation's TV homes are already 
hooked up to cable; many of them also 
receive pay-cable; still others receive some 
sort of noncable pay-TV service. 

Even more frightening to the network 
bigwigs is the sudden emergence of the 
home-video-tape industry, now estimated 
to be represented in 1,000,000 homes and 
growing rapidly. Consumers are discover- 
ing that video-tape recorders are a cinch 
to operate—and that they offer worlds 
of customtailored variety. Suddenly, 
those people can go out and buy cas- 
settes of Hollywood movies and Vegas 
nightclub performances. They can also 
tape some of their favorite TV programs 
and watch them over and over—when 
it's convenient for them to watch, not 
when it’s convenient for the network to 
tclevise—thus k the network 
domination in their houscholds. 

Many experts believe that between 
now and 1985, this combination of cable, 
pay and home video tape will drastically 
slash the amount of viewing Americans 
devote to the three big networks. 

“The networks,” says Eric Sevareid, 
the retired news commentator, “have 
reached the peak of their dominance.” 

Another top broadcast newsman, ABC 
News senior vice-president Richard Wald, 
seconds that notion: “Televi i 
child of technology,” he says, 
technology is changing.” Wald theorizes 
that by the mid.Eighties—scarcely five 
years from now—the network program 
schedules could very well be comprised 
of mostly news and sports. 

Even producer Garry Marshall, the 
creator of such mind candy as Happy 
Days, Laverne & Shirley and Mork & 
Mindy, thinks there could be a viewer 
revolution coming. "I really believe that 
a lot of people are gonna start buying 
these cassettes,” he says. 

. 

Until very recently, such talk was 
labeled visionary and was largely pooh- 
poohed by both the public and the net- 
work bosses. It simply was hard for 
anyone to imagine commer television 
undergoing any sort of revolution, par 
ticularly considering the public's con- 
tinued heavy TV viewing. 

But in the past few years, network TV 
has suffered a sort of nervous breakdown. 
The networks have insulted a large por- 


156 tion of their public by ferociously ad- 


hering to lowest-common-denominator 
programing. And then they've proceeded 
to confuse what public was left by reduc- 
ing the actual programs to secondary 
status below the art of packaging, mar- 
keting and schedul The networks 
have concentrated so much on the logis- 
tics of outmaneuvering the competition 
that they've forgotten the logic of ap- 
pealing to the viewers. To paraphrase 
Howard Beale, the insane but perceptive 
anchor man in the movie Network, 
the people are mad as hell—and they're 
not gonna take it anymore. 

Indeed, in the final analysis, that’s the 
real reason behind the coming viewer 
revolution. The people hate television— 
even though most of them are irresistibly 
attracted to As inarticulate as this 
rage may be, it's significant for what it 
stands for: The people are striking back 
at the networks that have trampled them 
and treated them like slobs for so long. 
And now that various technological ad- 
vances are beginning to give viewers 
some respectable alternatives to the net- 
works, this “revenge factor” has become 
a genuine threat to the biggies on New 
York’s Sixth Avenue. 

Think about it. Television has run 
roughshod over the lives of so many nor- 
mal, everyday people for so many years 
that the current backlash should surprise 
nobody. This viewer disaffection already 
has reared its head in that bible of 
broadcasting—the sen audience rat- 
ings. Since 1977, viewing levels have 
dropped for the first time in history— 
anywhere from two to eight percent, de- 
pending on the hour of the day ard the 
season of the year. Its significant that 
the fall-off is even steeper for the au 
ence of the three major networks. Т! 
means not only that people are watching 
Jess TV but that even when they do tune 
in, they're devoting a helty chunk of 
time to independent, nonnetwork sta- 
tions, to public, noncommercial TV, to 
cable and pay TV and to video cassettes 
on their home video-tape machines. 

And although the networks would like 
us to believe that the viewing decline 
stopped 18 months ago, the fact is that 
the networks suffered a further Nielsen- 
rating dip last season—of two percent in 
prime time—on top of the previous view- 
ing skid. Morcover, a nationwide Wash- 
ington Post survey reveals that 53 percent 
of people 18 and older are watching less 
TV than they were five years ago, while 
only 32 percent are watching more. ‘The 
networks may be rolling in dough, but 
those glittering profits could become en- 
dangered species if nationwide viewer 
anger keeps building. 


5 

So just where does Fred Silverman fit 
into this picture? If this season—or the 
next or the next—is truly network TV's 
last hurrah, why should he be singled out 


as the guy who sent his industry down. 
the tubes? Can't TV's generally disgust- 
ing nature be attributed to a team effort? 

Well, not exactly. If one man can be 
charged with destroying television, t 
man is Freddie Silverman. Now presi 
dent and chief executive officer of the 
National Broadcasting Company 
man is commonly known as The Man 
with the Golden Gut, the fellow who 
can parlay a simple hunch and some 
computerized research into enormous 
success in both audience ratings and ad- 
vertising revenue. 

Unlike most of the status-conscious 
zombies who work for and against 
Obrero ADONIS ICON 
hero. Short, pudgy and constantly rum- 
pled, he comes across far morc like one 
of his cherished lowbrow viewers than 
like the brainiest and most powerful 
man in television. No golf, tennis or 
sailing for Silverman. No cocktail parties 
with foreign dignitarics. In all of net- 
work TV, there's probably nobody who 
toils as long or as hard. Those who know 
him say he's a considerate boss, а kind- 
hearted sort who gets along with clean- 
ing women and top lieutenants alike. 
Not only that; Silverman actually loves 
TV. He watches it more than any other 
broadcast captain would dare admit, and 
he shamelessly confesses h 
moved to tears by certain episodes of 
Laverne & Shirley and Soap. History has 
yet to record whether or not he breaks 
down and blubbers over Hello, Larry, 
but there's no doubt that this rough-cut, 
homely, shambling boss of America's old- 
est network definitely is a flesh-and-blood 
human being. 

And yet this uniquely American suc- 
cess story has let his fellow citizens down. 
by rendering television more mundane, 
more infani and less thoughtful than 
anyone believed posible. A man who 
can draw top ratings for a program in 
the funniest line is "Up your nose 
with a rubber hose!" has to be a wizard. 
at capturing the imagination of the mass 
public. But with success comes responsi- 
bility, and the mass media—especially 
TV—have a responsibility to enlighten 
as well as entertain, to illuminate as well 
as ingratiate. Silverman apparently 
docsn't understand that. 

“If we were programing for England,” 
he says, “I dare say wed have more 
felicitousspeaking characters and more 
subtle dialog. But we're programing for 
Des Moines, Boise and Newark—not 
Hertford, Hereford and Hampshire. 
Мете a success, and there's nothing 
wrong with that. So we're not going to 
be embarrassed by it, or ashamed of it, 
either. And were certainly not going to 
apologize for what we're presenting to 
the American public 

Belie or not, it all started with 

(continued on page 216) 


WITH NEW PLAYBOY CLUBS opening over- 
scas—most recently in Manila and in 
Nagoya, Japan—our Bunnies are, more 
than ever, standard-bearers of a 

Playboy empire. The plush Ma 

opened late last year to a celel 

aush of well-wishers, including Imelda 
Marcos, wife of the president of the Phil- 
ippines. In addition to a spectacular disco, 
the Club offers a cornucopia of fun in two 
bars, two — (lext continued on page 165) 


Miami-born Loura Jordan (left) now works as 
а Bunny in New York—the best place, she fig- 
ures, to further her theatrical career. 


Next time you visit the Chicago Playboy Club, you may be greeted by the dazzling smile of Door Bunny Beth Mpistolorides (above), whose dad, 
George, has worked as an engineer on Playboy's building-services staff for many years. Thanks for keeping Playboy in the family, George. 157 


А Jopanese-French—Cherokee Indian gene 
pool yielded Dallas Bunny Akemi Crockett 
(below), who's on the Club’s softball team. 


Great Gorge Bunny Kim Bateman (above) makes life a picnic. A sports enthusiast, 
spends a lot of time outdoors; so does the St. Louis Club's Patti Duggan (left), a tennis ond 
volleyboll freak. Somehow, our photographer managed to lure her indoors for a shooting. 


You might soy Los Angeles Bunny Michelle Palombi (above) has showbiz in her blood—her dod's musical director of Las Vegas’ Riviero Hotel. 
Michelle came to Ployboy from the Hollelujoh Hollywood review at the MGM Grond Hotel in Vegas. Christi Jost (below left), from Loke Genevo, 
prefers her men to be quiet. How obout a nice quiet editor, Christi? Cincinnoti Bunny Carol Stapleton (below right) hates fot, loves Porsches. 


Dallas Bunny Ruby Walker (abave) paints, jags, plays squash and acts. If she doesn't like something, she'll let you know: 
condid," she observes. Below left, Miami Bunny Gale Lotterhand, who has studied fashion design, admires the stitch of her sweater. Below right, 
Dallas Bunnies Suzanne Miller (left), a magic buff, and Thressa Ratliff, who's alsa assistant manager of the Club, make waves in a hot tub. 


m remarkably 


When she’s nat on duty at the New 
Yark Club, Bunny Marina Thompson (right) 
160 maves in disca raller-skating circles. 


At 52" and 98 pounds, Cincinnati Bunny Kym Donaldson (above left) proves a little can go a very long way. Check out the Bunny with the 
eors (top right). Look familiar? She's August Playmate Dorothy Stratten, at the Playboy Ciub in Los Angeles’ Century City. Phoenix Bunny 
Tanya Jones (above right) collects fans and baskets; broad-minded about most things, Tanya tells us she just can't tolerate litterbugs. 161 


Making rugs, sewing and coaking are big hits with Cincinnati Bunny Bonnie Hoobler (lefi). She may saund like a homebody, but Bonnie 
really wants ta travel. London Bunny Linda Datson (above) aims at opening her own fashian shop; Osaka's Miyuki Kishimae (belaw right) 
paints in her spare time. Like Bonnie. Miyuki wants to see the world. Maybe the two should meet halfway and glabe-hop together. 


British-born Bunny Teresa Irwin (abave) finds it difficult to pursue 

her former pastime of ice skating in trapical Nassau, where she's а 
Croupier Bunny in Playboy's Casino. So she's taken up snarkeling. 
Chicaga's Janis lacovone (right) favors champagne—and pinball. 


Angela Hajr-Sephocleous (left), who's a croupier at 
Playboy's Manchester, England, Casino, claims her 
hobbies include “dancing and men.” Next dance is ours. 


Here's looking at New York Bunny Reily Rehn (left)— 
from both sides now. A typical New Yorker, Reily runs 
to the theater or the movies whenever she has a chance. 


It's a wonder the Dollos Cowboys ever make it to а gome when beauties 
like Keri Korras (below) stoff the Dallos Playboy Club—which 
hoppens to be in the Cowboys Building. Keri, a model, studies droma. 


game rooms, a library, a sauna, a whirlpool and a fully equipped gym, In Japan, the Nagoya Club has joined sister hutches 
in Tokyo and Osaka. Before Playboy's arrival this July, the area around Nagoya was best known as the home of the cultured 
pearl; a full-scale Bunny hunt, we're told, uncovered more than one pearl to staff our newest Club. Future plans call for another 
Pacific Playboy outpost—in Hawaii. Negotiations are now under way for a suitable island location. (concluded on page 224) 


165 


Gack Grow 


“No, thank you, I prefer to stand.” 


the fierce machine 


from Fanny Hill, or Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure, by John Cleland, 1749 


1, HAVING EXPRESSED severest doubts and 
saying that I could not conceive of af- 
fording entrance for that fearful machine 
without dying in the greatest pain, 
Phoebe asked me if I knew Polly Philips. 

Isaid that I did—but to what purpose 
did she ask? "You must know,” Phoebe 
said, “that she is kept by a young Geno- 
ese merchant, on business in London. 
She receives him thrice a week in her 
light closet, up опе pair of stairs, and 
tomorrow you shall see what passes be- 
tween them from a secret place.” 

At five the next evening, Phoebe led 
me to a dark room where were kept some 
old furniture and some cases of liquor. 
The only light came from a crevice in 
the wall and. applying our eyes to this, 
we could with great clearness observe the 
scene of action. 

I saw the young gentleman, standing 
with his back to me, and presently Polly 
entered, They sat down on the couch 
and partook of some wine and some 
Naples biscuits on a salver. Soon, after а 
kiss or two, as if there had been some 
signal, the young man stripped to hi 
shirt and. Polly began to draw her pin 
When she had undressed to all but her 
shift, he gave her an encouraging kiss 
and stole the shift off her body. 

Whereat she blushed, indeed, standing 
in the middle of the room stark-naked, 
with her black hair loose and afloat 
down her dazzling white neck and shoul- 
ders. The girl could not be above 18, her 
face regular and sweet-leatured, her 
shape exquisite; nor could I help envy- 
ing her two ripe, enchanting breasts, so 
firmly plumped out that they sustained 
themselves without any stay; then the 
nipples, pointing different ways, marked 
their pleasing separation, Beneath them 
lay the delicious tract of the belly, which 
terminated in a parting or rift scarce 
discernible, that modestly seemed to re- 
tire downward and seek shelter between 
two plump thighs while the curling hair 
in that place clothed it with the richest 
sable fur in the universe. She was a pat- 
tern of female beauty, in all the true 
pride and pomp of nakedness. 

The young Italian gazed transported, 
and his shirt now bolstered out to show 
the condition of things beneath it. But he 
soon removed it. He was about two and 
20, tall, welllimbed, broad-shouldered 
and with a complexion of the brownest; 
not a dusky dun color but a clear, olive 
gloss. Then his grand movement, which 
rose from a thicket of hair that spread 
from the root all around thighs and belly 
up to the navel, stood stiff and upright, 
of a size to frighten me, by sympathy, for 
the small, tender part which was the 
object of its fury. He had pushed Polly 
gently down on the couch and now, with 


her thighs spread to their utmost, there 
was discovered between them the mark 
of the sex, the red-centered cleft of flesh 
whose lips. vermilioning inward, ex 
pressed a small, rubied line in sweet 
miniature. 

Phocbe now gave me a little jog and 
whispered to ask if I thought my little 
maidenhead much less, but I was too en- 
grossed to give her any answer. 

By this time, the young gentleman was 
kneeling between her thighs, displaying 
to us a side view of that fierce machine 
which threatened, I thought, no less than. 
splitting the tender victim, who, never- 
theless, lay smiling at the uplifted stroke. 
Guiding his weapon with his hand to the 
inviting slit, he drew aside the lips and 
lodged it (after some thrusts, which Polly 
seemed even to assist) halfway, but there 
it stuck. He drew it again and, wetting it 
with spittle, re-entered and sheathed it 
now up to the hilt, at which Polly gave 
great sigh in quite another tone from 
that of pain. He thrust; she heaved, at 
first gently in a regular cadence, but 
presently the transport began to be too 
violent to observe any order or measure; 
their motions were too rapid, their kisses 
too fierce and fervent for nature to sup- 
port such fury long. Both seemed out 
of themselves; their eyes darted fires. 
“ОМ... Oh! I can't bear it! . .. It 
too much... I die.... I am going. . .." 
Such were Polly’s expressions of ecstasy. 

His joys were more silent, but, at last, 
with some broken murmurs and sighs 
heartfetched, he gave a dispatching 
thrust and fell motionless. 

At length he arose and I could see be- 
tween her thighs that recently opened 
wound which now glowed with a deeper 
red. Presently, getting up, she threw her 
arms around him again, sceming delight- 


Ribald Classic 


ed with the trial he had put her to, judg- 
ing by the fondness with which she eyed 
him and hung upon him. 

For my part, it was a quick adieu to all 
my fears of what man could do unto me. 
They were now changed to such ardent 
desires, such ungovernable longings that 
I could have pulled by the sleeve the first 
man I met and offered him my bauble. 

Phoebe, to whom such sights were not 
new, could not, however, remain un- 
moved at so warm a scene and, drawing 
me softly from the peephole for fear of 
ard, guided me as near the 
ible, all passive and obedient 
to her least signals. 

Here there was no room either to 
up or to lie, but, making me stand with 
my back toward the door, she lofted up 
my petticoats and with her busy fingers 
fell to visit and explore that part of me 
where the heat and irritations were now 
so lent u 
ready to die with desire. The bare touch 
of her finger in that critical place had 
the effect of a fire to a train, and her 
hand instantly made ner sensible to what 
a pitch I was wound up and melted by 
the sight she had thus procured me. 

She next took hold of my hand and, 
having rolled up her own petticoats, 
forced it strivingly toward ‘those parts 
where, now grown more knowing, I 
missed the main object of my wishes. 
finding not even the shadow of what 1 
wanted but everything so flat and hollow 
that I would have withdrawn my hand 
but for fear of disobliging her. She made 
use of it to procure rather the shadow 
than the substance of a pleasure. 

For my part, I now pined for more solid 
food and promised myself that I would 
not be put off much longer with 
ROI Reem etos o кп. | 


1 was perfectly sick and 


ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD HOLLAND. 


167 


Why have millions of 
Americans bought 
Sanyo car stereo? 


Just listen. 


Or just ask! 


Millions of people own 
Sanyo car stereos. So the chances 
are pretty good that you know 
one of them. Why not ask him 
(or her) why he chose Sanyo. 

Could it have been the per- 
formance features that excited 
him? Don't be surprised if it was, 
because Sanyo offers features like 
Dolby* noise reduction, Sendust 
4 | 3 


heads and switchable equaliza- 
tion (head) for the new metal par- 
licle “super tapes,” high power 
biamplification (the same system 
used by discos and rock concerts 
for added punch), and incredibly 
sensitive electronic tuning. 

All this adds up to spectacu- 
larly lifelike sound and, by itself, 
would be a great reason to buy 
a Sanyo. 


"TM Dolby Laboratories 


4$ SANYO 


But maybe he first noticed the 
convenience features like auto- 
matic tape searching, precise 
digital tuning with built-in clock 
and calendar, and fully auto- 
matic reverse...in units that install 
effortlessly and give a custom 
look in any car. More great 
reasons to buy a Sanyo. 

Let's face it — when you 
combine all these convenience 
features with Sanyo’ great per- 
formance, you get car stereo 
That's pretty impressive. 


Н ТАРЕ AM 


But for really outrageous 
sound, Sanyo lets you build on 
your basic system with plug-in 
power amplifiers that deliver up 
to 60 watts RMS per channel 
(4 ohms, 20-20,000 Hz, no more 
than 0.05% total harmonic distor- 
tion), and 7-band graphic 
equalizers for studio-like sound 
control. 

So, when you ask your friend 
why he bought his Sanyo car 
stereo, he'll probably just tell you 
that it sounds unbelievably good. 

After all, a friend of his prob- 
ably told him the same thing. 


E 


©1979 Sanyo Electric Inc.. Compten, CA 90220 


PLAYBOY 


(OP OF THE HLL 


(continued from page 152) 


* And he longed for her, achingly, overpoweringly, but 
no word he could say that night could please her.” 


that Eva had taken Bruno to the vet- 
erinarian. "She's heard of a wonder 
animal doctor in Burlington. She should 
be given a yearly retainer by the Ameri- 
can Medical Association for her devotion 
to disease.” He smiled forgivingly, as 
though his wife's hypochondria in respect 
to husbands and dogs were a charming 
little quirk of character. 
. 

The Porsche ate up the miles of high- 
way smoothly. Heggener said he liked to 
go fast and Michael kept the car at 85, 
while keeping a careful watch in the 
rearview mirror for police cars. 

They drove in silence for a while. 
Then Heggener said, “Michael, I've been. 
thinking about you. You're not going to 
spend your life teaching skiing, are you?” 

“No,” Michael said. “In fact, I’m not 
even going to spend another day teaching 
skiing. I told Cully I quit yesterday." 

You did?" Heggener said flatly. "Are 
you leaving Green Hollow?” 

"Probably not until the end of the 
season—if then," Michael said. "Wl I 
leave more or less depends upon уо! 

“Does it?” Heggener sounded sur- 
prised. "In what way?" 

“If, when you get out of the hospital, 
you still want to ski with me, I'll hang 
One 


That is most kind of you. After the 
season . .. what do you intend to do?” 

“I have no plans," Michael said. 

“If I were to say that perhaps I had a 
plan for you, Michael, would you con- 
sider it an unwarranted intrusion on 
your privacy?” 

ОГ course not." 

“My manager, Mr. Lennart, is leaving 
in April" Heggener said, “with по re- 
grets on either side. What I have been 
considering offering you is the position 
of manager.” 

“It's very thoughtful of you, Andreas, 
but I don't know the first thing about 
runni hotel." 

“It's not as complicated as people 
think. I have a good staff and one of the 
boys who has been with me three years is 
ready to move up to the position of as- 
sistant manager and would be of great 
help. The duties would leave you a great 
deal of time to ski and, in fact, you would. 
attract guests by being available to ski 
with them, which Mr. Lennart is not. I 
would be prepared to offer you a decent 
salary, plus a percentage of the profits. 
As part of your training, I would finance 


170 trips to Europe to see how other hotels I 


admire are run; and, in any case, your 
vacations would be quite long, since the 
hotel is a seasonal business. Of course, 
I don't expect you to give me an im- 
mediate answer. You have all the time 
you want to tell me yes or no." 

"Have you spoken with Eva about 
this?” Michael asked. 

“No, I haven't. From our discussions, 
it would seem that she will be gone from 
now on for longer and longer periods. In 
any case, where the business is concerned, 
it is I who make all the decisions. It 
would be understood that she would 
leave you severely alone. 

"Lets talk about it, 
"when you get back." 

“ОГ course,” Heggener said. 

Michael felt a twinge of pity as he saw 
Heggener put into a wheelchair, already 
somehow diminished, with a no-nonsense 
nurse pushing him swiftly and efficiently 
out of sight. 


Michael said, 


P 

Michael checked into the Hotel West- 
bury, because it was on Madison Avenue 
near where he had lived and he had often 
dropped into the bar for a drink. It 
was the cocktail hour and the bar was 
crowded with couples, released and joy- 
ful after the day's work, and he felt a 
pang of sel£pity because he was alone. 
On impulse, he called Tracy. The phone 
rang and rang and he was about to hang. 
up, not knowing whether he was relieved 
or sorry that she was not at home, when 
it was picked up and he heard her voice, 
a little breathless, saying, “Hello.” 

"Hello, Tracy,” he said. "I was just 
about to hang up.” 
“I just came in,” she said. “I was com- 
ig up the steps when I heard the phone 
ringing and I ran, as you can tell by 
the way I'm breathing" She laughed. 
"Where are you?" 

“Around the corner. At the Westbu: 

“Oh.” Suddenly, she sounded cautious. 

“Am I too close lor comfort?" 

"Don't start in like that," she said 


“Why shouldn't I be all right?” 

“1 mean, calling me like this—out of 
the blue. And in the city. Are you all 
right? All in one piece?" 

m fine,” he said. “I'd be better, 
though, if you joined me for a drink.” 

There was a long silence. “Are you 
sure you know what you're doing, 
Michael?” 


GNO 

She laughed. "In that case, give me a 
half hour.” 

He hung up and took the elevator to 
his room and shaved, not very well, being 
careful to avoid opening the scratches on 
his face, but well enough so that he 
wouldn't look as though he had been 
sleeping out in the wilderness since she 
had seen him last. He showered and put 
on some clean clothes and remembered to 
wear a tie she had given him for Christ- 
mas some years ago, which was a color 
she said she liked on him. 

Then he went down to the bar, found 
a small table and said with satisfaction to 
the waiter, “We'll be two,” and ordered 
a martini, 

When she came into the room, the men 
turning their heads, as usual, to watch 
her and the women looking secretly dam- 
aged, he rose to greet her. He kissed her 
cheek, which was cold from the walk and 
fragrant. 

She frowned as she looked across the 
table at him. “What in the world hap- 
pened to your face?" 

“I ran into a tree,” he said. "Hang 
gliding.” 

“Oh, Michael,” she said sadly. “Still?” 

“I was careless,” he said. “For once.” 

“For once,” she said, her voice dead. 
“As usual. Do people know where to find 
me to tell me when you've been killed? 
After all, I'm still your wife." 

“II have а dog tag made up and hang 
it around my neck,” Michael said, dis- 
pleased, "saying, ‘Please call my wife, in 
case of decease,’ with the telephone num- 
ber, and ‘I may not make The New York 
Times." 

From there on, the evening was all 
downhill. 

When he asked her if she had found 
any men who interested her, she said 
coldly, “You know I won't say anything 
on that subject.” 

Michael noticed that her drinking 
habits had changed. Previously, when 
they were together and she found him 
drinking a martini, she would always 
say, "The same, please.” Now she was 
drinking straight vodka on the rocks. At 
just what moment in the time between 
had she changed? Never to know. 

And he longed for her. achingly. over- 
poweringly, but no word he could say 
that night could please her. And the 
truth was, no word she said to him 
pleased him, 

They went to a restaurant оп 61st 
Street where they had dined well in the 
past and where they had been warmly 
welcomed by the whole staff. But now 
the management had changed and no- 
body recognized them and the meal was 
awful. 

And still he longed for her. The 

(continued on page 208) 


AN Е 
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HEROES ONTHE | KILLING ME! JONES AND HAIR-AND-SLIME 

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“NIGHT ON THE TOU us { 1T DOING IN MY BED? 

SCHWIMMER AWAKENS M 

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[MAST NIGHT =AT THE BARÎ I PICKED UP 
YEAH, ı \ A SARUVIAN HAIR-AND= SLIME 


Know How BEING! 
You FEEL! 


ARUVIAN HAIR-AND-SLIME BEINGS 
HAVE ду AVERAGE 1. 0. OF 3.75! THEY RE 
NOT EVEN REMOTELY HUMANOID! 
~ HOW COULDA DO IR 


FOR CHRISSAKES, wouLD ЮЦ 
STOP SAYING "I KNOW нош yoy 
FEEL"? HOW COULD You 
POSSIBLY К/І0Ш нош 
> 1 FEEL? 


by John Delmar 


WELL, ALL RIGHT IF 
YOU AIN'T TOO TIRED TO 
GET IT UP. 


1 WAS ONLY HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY? 
«J| DOIN’ RESEARCH pair 


FOR MY SEXED SEDE 
HOMEWORK 
x E9 DONE. 
S 
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IN COURT TODAY, |SUZY.ITHINK I'VE | Ki THINK I'VE GOTA HUNG JUDGE 
JUDGE? GOT A HUNG JURY, 
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my че есше ? 
E 4 173 


Right from the start, its Canadia: 


rises above the rest. What make: 

such a popular choice? Super lightness. 
Superb taste. If that’s what you'd like, 
take off for Lord Calvert Canadian. 


тшш! PES Ry 


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TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR 


WORKING OVERSEAS 


When your employer wants to send you abroad, he 
probably isn't offering a redhead or a blonde. Although 
the multinationals are employing more host-country citi- 
zens, Americans willing to accept overseas assignments are 
hard to find, because many executives either refuse to 
relinquish their rung on the home-office corporate ladder 
or value lifestyle elements such as leisure activities, 
spouses’ jobs and children’s schools over loyalty to the 
firm. If you're a middle-level executive who gets off on 
getting out of the country, you're in a position to bargain 
for a compensation package that’s really worth writing 
home about. 


SALARY AND COST OF LIVING 


Count on receiving a base salary comparable to what 
you would get in the U.S., plus some form of overseas 
allowance. Ninety percent of the firms surveyed in Com- 
pensating International Executives, a study by Business 
International Corporation of over 500 anonymous multi- 
nationals, offer allowances, in many cases a “foreign 
service premium” tied to no particular costs, that may 
run as high as 15 percent of your U.S. salary. Few firms 
still pay hardship allowances, but, because they believe an 
American abroad has an inalienable right to the Amer- 
ican way of life, regardless of expense, most firms also 
come up with an additional cost-of-living allowance. 
"These allowances are computed by the U. S. State Depart- 
ment, United Nations, Incom, Organization Resources 
Counselors and other data-gathering services. Check out 
the index for your post to make sure your allowance 
covers imported Tidy-Bowls and Twinkies. 

Employers pay for transportation, shipment of house- 
hold goods, temporary accommodations and losses suf- 
fered from the sale of homes and automobiles. Since 
housing overseas may be as scarce and exorbitant as at 
home, many firms help out. Some provide apartments or 
houses. Others pay flat allowances, compensate according 
to an intricate salary-and-rent-based formula or simply 
pay the cash difference between your actual domestic and 
foreign housing costs. 


TAXES AND GETTING AROUND THEM 


Only American expatriates are obligated to pay income 
tax back to the homeland. Although the various past tax 
acts allowed blanket exclusions from taxable income, the 
present law permits overseas employees to deduct only 
excess foreign living costs from taxable income (though а 
flat $20,000 may be excluded from income in qualifying 
hardship areas). That is a big break in expensive coun- 


tries such as Japan, where total foreign allowances for a 
$30,000-2-year employee average $73,500; not so great in 
England and Brazil, where the cost of living is less than 
at home. In practice, you don't have to worry about 
current U. S. and host-country tax laws, since nearly all 
firms have tax-reimbursement policies guaranteeing that 
employees working abroad get stuck with no more tax 
than they would have paid at home. 

Another way they compensate without increasing taxes 
is with noncash fringe benefits. Companies usually help 
with children's education through high school and give 
older offspring several trips a year to the overseas post 
from college. Some firms will fly in dependents living 
with divorced spouses. Many companies offer executives 
and their families preassignment orientation courses in 
the host-country language and culture, while some perk 
up the stints with memberships to local golf, tennis or 
English-language clubs, About 2 quarter of the firms sur- 
veyed provide executives with company cars and, in 
countries where an individual of your standing would no 
more driye his own car than rinse out his shorts in the 
creek, chauffeurs. 


SOME DRAWBACKS 


The bad news is that while the folks back home may 
think you're a regular fellow, some locals may consider 
you a despicable, warmangering American capitalist. 
Risks International, an executive-risk-assessment consult- 
ant, reports that in 1978, there were 47 acts of assassina- 
tion, kidnaping and bombing perpetrated against 
American businesses overseas, a figure it thinks is so low 
because most companies are reasonably aware of the 
problems. If the firm is sending you into terrorist terri- 
tory—Italy, Spain, Colombia, El Salvador and Nicaragua 
are the current hot spots—make sure it gets you a house 
in a secure location (not on a cul-de-sac or beside a 
forest) and checks out your fellow employees for past 
terrorist connections. 


PROTECTING YOURSELF 


What Business International calls a “letter of under- 
standing” may be the best way to shape up your shipment 
out. This agreement, which may Бе. anything from а 
formal contract to a firm handshake, stipulates the nature 
of your job, status in the company hierarchy, complete 
compensation package, including incentive bonuses and 
pensions, standards of conduct expected from you and, 
perhaps most importantly, position and salary upon re 
patriation. When you get home, you'll want the gang 
down at the office to treat you like a returning hero, not like 
someone who just got off the boat. — —THEODORE FISCHER 


5 
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Ss 
a 
a 
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Ф 
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d 
Ф 


There's nothing you can’t 
wear with FRYE boots. 


At the office. At night. At leisure. This year, it will be hard to find a place where you won't 
find a man in Frye Боо е have new styles, too. There’s our Western boot with a scallop top and 
medallion stitching. There’s our conventional boot with a semi-dress toe. We use only the best full 
grain leather in our boots. And it shows. For comfort, we cushioned the innersoles. Of course, we 
have a complete new line of boots for women, too. Even though our styles may change over the 
years, our quality and craftsmanship will always remain the same. 

е best. 

For free color brochures of Frye boots, belts and handbags write to us. John A. Frye Shoe Co. Dept A-10, Marlborough, Mass, 01752. CLASSIC QUALITY SINCE 1663. 


TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR 


CUTTING THE 
ODDS ON 
CAR THEFTS 


citizens of their wheels. And if a pro car thief is 
sincerely hot for your Betsy, she's а goner—you 
can't stop him. 

So why do more than run through a chorus of Que 
Será Será? 

For one thing, knowing that in 12 years auto thefts 
have jumped 50 percent, one every 32 seconds, is no 
comfort when your very own Machojet X-514 is swiped. 
Getting to work may mean a rental car. If the police do 
retrieve your machine, it's apt to be maimed—stolen cars 
have up to 200 times the smack-up rate of legal iron. Your 
insurance will pay (eventually, but the $100-$500 de- 
ductible is all yours. 

If they nab the thief, you'll spend time in court. And 
your insurance company may even hike your rates. 

So maybe you can't stop the superthief, but you can 
jiggle the odds. And not every cer snatcher is a pro. 


2 his year, car rustlers will relieve almost 1,000,000 


FIGURING PERCENTAGES 


According to a new U.S. Transportation Department 
study, five to ten percent of all car theft is insurance 
fraud; 20 to $0 percent is by unskilled bush leaguers; 40 
to 50 percent is by joy-riding teenagers; and only 20 to 
25 percent is by true pros. So, with precautions, you can 
cut your theft chances up to 75 percent. 

For example, the National Automobile Theft Bureau 
says that about 80 percent of all cars stolen have been 
left unlocked, 20 percent with the key in the car. Typical 
is the turkey who pops into a store for a six-pack, leaving 
his Corvette chugging outside. 

A locked garage is the safest place to keep your car. In 
driveways, park nose out, so anyone messing with your 
engine is conspicuous. Away from home, park in lighted, 
busy streets, wheels turned to hinder towing. Lock pack- 
ages in the trunk. No hidden keys—thieves know where 
to look. And, unless you want to give crooks a helping 
hand (and your home address to boot), remove your 
registration from the gloye compartment. Also, if the 
neighborhood looks especially bad, extract your car's coil 
or the wire from the coil to the distributor. 

Beware of parking attendants who might be in cahoots 
with thieves, Best are garages where you can keep your 
keys. Otherwise, surrender only the ignition key. 


TOOLING UP 


Gadgets? Simplest are tapered door-lock buttons (about 
five dollars), which are tough for a coat hanger to snag. 
But some thieves slide a steel-bladed slim-jim down the 
window into the door frame to undo the lock. 


Factory-installed steering locks are unréliable—pros 
knock them out in seconds with a slide hammer. Al- 
though no gadget will stop a pro, some might slow him. 
Here are the principal ones: 

High-security ignition locks: Costing about $100 in- 
stalled, these are virtually unpickable and unbreakable. 

Alarms: They cost $15-$1000, installed. Some blare 
when the hood, trunk or a door opens, some at the 
slightest motion. But a snipped wire kills them. 

Stcering-wheel brace: This cane-shaped device ($8.50— 
$20) ties the steering wheel to the clutch or brake pedal. 
A thief could, of course, cut through the steering wheel. 

Ignition shield: A steel collar (about $35) circles your 
steering column to shield the ignition lock. But its own 
lock could be pickable. 

Ignition cutoffs: These units ($15-$125) lock your 
hood and short out the engine. Their locks are pickable. 

Fuel cutoffs: Costing up to $150 installed, these devices 
block the fuel flow. A thief drives a few feet, then the 
саг stalls, probably in traffic They're quite effective— 
but only if you've hidden the fuel cutoff switch where a 
crook can't find it. That's not an easy task. 


THE MAJOR LEAGUES 


So much for the bush leaguers. What about the pros? 
"They alter your car's vehicle identification number (VIN) 
in order to resell the machine. Or they may whisk your 
car to a chop shop and reduce it to bones, extracting its 

rts. 

These Mob-affiliated banditos may watch you for days, 
scouting your habits. Backed by coast-to-coast networks of 
crooked salvage dealers, they can siphon your саг to 
South America or Africa. And they can drcumvent any 
auto safeguard—given time. Past five to ten minutes, 
they get nervous. 

Slow them enough and they may quit. That's why 
reformed thieves always advise installing several devices: 
tapered door locks, an ignition cutoff and an alarm, for 
example. (Your own contraptions might be best, if they're. 
unfamiliar to a crook; a Miami driver recently left a 
16-foot python in the front seat of his car, but the thief 
just threw the snake out the window.) 

Or combine obvious antitheft devices with a secret sys- 
tem. Lulled by your steering-wheel brace, the crook may 
neglect to look for your fuel cutoff or alarm. 

Just in case, though, engrave your VIN everywhere 
from hubcap to hood. And drop a business card down 
the window frame. One hundred percent protection? 
Sorry, no chance. But you can stymie the stumblebum 
crook and slow the pro. It might cost a few bucks in 
gadgets, but it sure beats walking. —RICHARD WOLKOMIR 


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the taste of 
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Mild, smooth and refreshing. 


Enjoy smoking again. 
Also available in 100%. 


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100's: 19 mg. tar”, 1.3 mg. nicotine, av. per cigarette, ЕТС Report MAY "78. 


TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR 


CHARTER 
YACHTING IN 
THE CARIBBEAN 


to see how fast you can finish. If you really want 

to get away from it all and are in no hurry to 
get somewhere or to do anything but relax, crewed char- 
ter yachting is the way to go. December 15 to May 1 is the 
season to sail the Caribbean: hot days, cool nights, bril- 
liant sun, clear waters—the stuff of which dreams are 
made when snow falls and the wind howls over the States. 
Arrangements for the trip should be made during Sep- 
tember or October. 


Gore should be like making love; the point is not 


CHOOSING A BOAT 


Charter sailing yachts come in all sizes and degrees of 
luxury. Smallest of the crewed ships is about 40 feet long, 
the largest about 115 feet. Although staterooms and 
saloons are not as commodious on the smaller ships, they 
are comfortable. Many of these vessels will accommodate 
eight people—some even more—but most have accom- 
modations for four to six. Make sure you're all good 
friends and have common interests. If one of the party 
loves Willie Nelson and another wants to hear only Bach 
cantatas, you'll have a problem. Prices range from just 
under $1800 to $4000 per week for four. A few very posh 
boats go for $10,000 and up. 

А 30 to 50 percent deposit is required at the time of 
booking, the balance to be paid in cash or traveler's 
checks on boarding. Personal and cashiers’ checks are 
usually not accepted. The fee includes all costs except the 
bar bill, which is paid at the end of the journey. 

Cruises are individually tailored. When the ship is 
chartered, each person fills out a questionnaire on his 
likes and dislikes and discusses with his travel agent what 
he wants during the cruise. (Proof of citizenship, plus 
onward or return transportation, is required for disem- 
barkation on most of the islands in the British West 
Indies.) 


WHAT TO TAKE 


Pack very little clothing. T-shirts and bathing suits are 
worn on board. A lightweight, long-sleeved shirt is rec- 
ommended as daytime cover-up to avoid crisping under 
that cloudless, sun-filled sky. Jeans, a sweater and a nylon 
parka should be included for evenings on board or on 
the beach. A pair of sneakers or sandals is required for 
beach parties and exploring. Informal evening clothes 
will be necessary if plans include a visit to a casino or 
dining in any of the hotel restaurants. Other musts: soft 
luggage. suntan lotion, a few paperback books and 
something to prevent seasickness. 


WHERE TO BOOK 

Nicholson Yacht Charters pioneered charter yachting 
in the Caribbean and it has a fleet of 80 ships at its dis- 
posal in the Windward and Leeward islands. Most 
American brokers will book ships in that area through 
Nicholson's on-site office in Antigua. Top brokers in the 
States include Julie Nicholson (member of the Antiguan 
family), 9 Chauncy Street, Cambridge, Massachusetts 
02138; Sparkman & Stephens, Inc., 79 Madison Avenue, 
New York, New York 10016; Jo Bliss Charters, Inc., 1819 
SE 17th Street, Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33316; Lenore 
Muncie at Bradford Yacht Sales, 3051 State Road 84, Fort 
Lauderdale, Florida 33312; and Lynn Jachney, Caribbean 
Yacht Charters, Р.О. Box 583, Marblehead, Massachusetts 
01945. Or consult the pages of yachting magazines. A 
complete package can be arranged by a travel agent. 


PLACES TO GO 


If you have only a week, don't try island hopping. 
Instead, cruise around Antigua, exploring some of its 365 
beaches, snorkeling in the coral reefs, water-skiing and 
scuba diving among the wrecked cargo ships—but mostly 
just enjoying the surroundings. 

With two or more weeks, the itinerary can include 
stops at other islands. Start in Antigua and sail toward 
the Grenadines, or vice versa. 

Good stopping-off places include: 

Guadeloupe: Nude bathing at Pointe Tarare beach. 
Casino and nearby discothéque at St. Francois. Many fine 
French and Creole restaurants. 

Dominica: Still primitive, without luxury hotels or 
night life. Lush rain forests, plants and birds unique to 
this island and the Emerald Pool grotto are worth seeing. 

Martinique: Gambling every night in casinos at the 
Meridien and the PLM La Bateliére. Par-71 Robert 
Trent Jones-designed golf course in Trois-Islets. 

St. Lucia: Natural sulphur and other mineral baths 
near Mt. Soufriére and at Diamond Falls. Horseback rid- 
ing. Tennis at the St, Lucia Tennis Club and the Palm 
Beach Aquatic Club. 

St. Vincent: Play nine holes at the Aqueduct Golf 
Club, then try your luck at the Valley Inn casino. 


PERIOD OF ADJUSTMENT 


It takes a few days to get your sea legs. It also takes a 
few days to get rid of sea legs back on land. When you're 
seated at your desk and the room begins to tilt, imagine 
you're on a dark-blue ocean with pale-blue sky above. 
Feel the ocean spray. Taste the salt on your lips. 
Charter another yacht! —PAT PAPANGELIS Ed 


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PLAYBOY 


180 


(continued [тот page 122) 


“I felt my lips curl past my teeth; sweat drizzled 
down my cheeks. There was a downpour in my head.” 


“Оһ, Momma, can this really be the 
endz " he sang mournfully, waving one 
of his pipes. 

“Oh, let's go. 
"Everybody 1 
into commer 

As we left. the guy stopped singing. 
Dylan to whisper to me, "I've voted you 
beauty queen of the night.” 

I turned to glare at him, but the snake 
head stared straight ahead, haughty and 
indifferent, as we swept past. 

At home, I took off the purple dress 
and touched the emerald scales of my 
face. 

“Leave your shoes on,” my husband 
said hoarsely. 

He pushed me onto the bed. grabbing 
my breasts and pulling himself into me, 
a climber gaining a momentary hold on 
an impossible cliff. I dug my nails i 
the meat of his broad back and spurred 
him on with my shiny heels. He came 
n seconds, as always. 
hat was wonderful,” I said, as al- 
ways. I touched the cobra head grate- 
fully and cried until my tears welded the 
rubber to my skin. 


my husband said. 
still trying to break 


P 

I wore the snake head to work on 
Monday, with a new dress in a soft, wine- 
colored material that clung to me. I felt 


sleek and shapely, but it was the cobra 
head that made me feel beautiful. 

“What are you supposed to be?” Rose- 
mary said. She was a stupid, unhappy 
woman, just smart enough to be perpetu- 
ally suspicious that people were making 
fun of her. She had been a secretary with 
the company for 28 ye 

“Happy Halloween,” I said, sitting at 
my desk and uncovering my typewriter. 

Rosemary frowned at me. “You watch 
it,” she said. “Mr. March said just the 
other day he thought you had some kind 
of rebellious streak. But Z stuck up for 
you, / said you were maturing. You're 
" she hissed 

‘There was a stack of work in my bas- 
ket. I crumpled the vinyl cover of my 
IBM and shoved it into a drawer. "I'm 
getting a cup of coffee,” I said. 

Going down the hall to the coffee ma- 
chine, 1 saw my lover. He was lean, 
forest-eyed, wheat-haired. Seeing him al- 
ways took my breath away, made me 
weak in the knees. I was a fool, an em- 
barrassment to myself. 

He smiled at me. His eyes slid up the 
forked tongue and found me right away. 
He shook his head. He thought I was 
beautiful. 

Safe within my rubber fortress, my 
slack idiot’s face melted for him. I have 


“If her ratings don't go up tonight, I'm afraid 
she’s had it as a sportscaster.” 


Known you 100,000 years; we were dino- 
urs together, I told him soundlessly. 

Mr. March saw us in the hall. He bent 
toward me, trying to look down my dress. 
"Don't we look yummy today?” he 
leered, looking to my lover for agree- 
ment, but he was gone. 

“Do ме?” Fuck yourself in the ass, I 
mouthed gloriously. 

His lean brown vultures head bent 
farther toward me. “Who are you sup- 
posed to be?” he said. His wrinkled tie 
dangled obscenely outside his vest. 
Tm supposed to be a secretary 


sai 

Still bent over, he said, "Why are you 
afraid of me?” 

“I'm not afraid of you." I hate you, I 
said. 

His face constricted with pretended 
concern. "Why don't you open up to 
me?” he said, very low. “You mustn't be 
alraid. You won't get the reaction you 
expect. Think about that." He wagged a 
finger at me, brushing my bı 
‘TI think about it.” You asshole, I 
said. 

When I got back to my desk with my 
coflee and my straw, Rosemary was typ- 
ing furiously. “You're cute" was all she 
would say. 

My lover came by to take me to lunch, 
We went to his apartment. He is a writ- 
er; his four unpublished novels, neatly 
bound, stand next to his bed. They are 
all about a woman he loved in Paris 
ht years ago. He does not expect to 
love again. 

The early afternoon sun, filtering 
weakly through the vines, dappled us 
like lepers. He stroked my proud hood 
with one hand as he undid my dress. 1 
writhed beneath him, then over him, my 
hidden face contorted into molten curves 
of longing. I felt my lips curl past my 
teeth; sweat drizzled down my cheeks. 
"There was a downpour in my head, dim 
memories of an ancient sea. 

Afterward, he gave me some Perrier to 
sip through a straw. He put on an old 
record and sang to me, his voice flat and 
husky as the November wind. He was 
wishing he was in Paris. 

. 

I cut tiny slits between the scales to 
make the head more comfortable and 
stopped wearing make-up. I took off the 
snake head for a few minutes every night 
and washed my face in the dark bath- 
room. Once I turned on the light and 
nearly screamed. The head in the mirror 
was pale, grotesquely small. The face 
quivered stupidly, a weak, pitiable, un- 
safe face, A face tl I had tolerated 
despite nearly 30 years of consistent 
betrayals. Of its own will, it would blush 
and snarl and yawn and weep and look 
alternately sad and foolish. It had no 
interest in protecting me. I had given 
it many chances, 1 thought, as I put the 
snake head back on. It felt so good. 

After I had worn the head for a weck, 


_ Two distinguished Canadians. 
J 


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LED 


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Like Bobby Оп, 
were proud of our Canadian heritage. 


Canadian LTD 


The distinguished Canadian. 


= Blended Canadian Whisky e ВО! Proof + Fleischmann Distilling Co, New Hyde Park, NY 


PLAYBOY 


182 


On the surface, most cassettes look 


pretty much alike. You have to look 
beneath the surface to understand 
why one tape sounds better than 
another. Of course, there’s the tape 
itself. Equally important is the 
mechanism which must move that 
tape evenly and precisely. 

TDK's cassette mechanisms 
are conceived and executed to toler- 
ances measured in microns —one 
millionth of a meter. Many of our 
innovations have been copied, but 
some are still unique to us. 

And TDK isa leader intape 
technology, too, having produced the 
first high fidelity cassette back in 
1968. The result of this wedding of 
tape to mechanism is а line of cas- _ 


settes unsurpassed in sound or reli 
ability, like TDK's improved D, 
which is perfect for use in any home, 
car or portable deck. 

When you consider how much 
precision engineering goes into 
TDK D, you won't be surprised when 
you hear how much great music 
comes out of it. But when you com- 
pare its price to any other premium 
cassette on the market, you'll truly 
understand why we call it "the 
amazing music machine.” 


“TDK 


Audio Cassettes 


Get an amazing deal _ | 
on the amazing music machine. 
Buy TDK D in multi-packs and save 


© 1979 TDK Electronics Corp , Garden City, New York 11530 * "At your participating TDK dealer. 


Mr. March called me into his office. He 
liked to sail and there were models all 
over his desk and credenza. "Don't you 
think you're carrying this thing too far?” 
he said, staring in at where he thought 
Iwas. 

I said nothing. A cobra says nothing 

“You're not in college anymore. This 
kind of prank won't go over here. You've 
got to think of your career,” he s 
"You're a bright girl, but you've got 
to start watching your step. We can't 
have this. Besides, it must get terribly 
hot in that thing,” he added hopefully. 

I reminded him that I was always on 
time, that I was the best typist in the 
office, that my work was always in com- 
pliance with company standards. I casu- 
ally mentioned. discrimination and the 
Equal Employment Opportunity Com- 
mission, which was already handling sev- 
I suits against the company 

He blanched under his Sunday-sailor's 
tan, then tried to look hurt. "I don't 
know why you're afraid of me." 

I left him jabbing his pen into the 
rigging of an old whaler 

. 

Drinking all my meals through a straw 

was beginning to make me thin. For the 

rst time in ycars I liked the way I 
looked. My lover ran his tongue along 
the clean bla 
pressed his face against my flat belly. He 
murmured that he thought his French 
was beginning to come back. 

He purécd oysters for me in the blend- 
e and made me duckling à l'orange, 
frogs’ legs provençale, poached salmon 
with chestnuts. He sautéed tiny carrots 
and crumbled dillweed into the melted 
butter. He tenderly fed his creations into 
the blender and I drank them with а 
straw. 

My husband complained, 
are too small." He said it was like screw- 
ing on box springs without a mattress. 
He had lost his hold. He bruised the 
span of his chest against nry knees night 
alter night. He never wanted mc to take 
off the snake head. 

Sometimes, after he was asleep. Га 
sneak into the kitchen and put some- 
thing into the blender for myself, a taco 
ог а bowl of Cheerios, and drink it 
through my cold sleek snake throat 
Once I stole a page of my lover's latest 
manuscript and tried to drink it, but 
Paris was a pulpy gray paste that stuck 
in the straw and had to be scraped out 
of the blender 

I began playing the violin ag: 
the closet and played while 
my husband slept. 1 began memorizing 
arias from Bach's Passion. According lo 
Saint Matthew and singing along quietly 
in melancholy German. I cried. happily 
in the dark, under the coats. 

After a while, Mr. March wouldn't 
even look at me, no matter what kind 
of dress І wore. I licked my lips at him 
invisibly as he shrank against the wall, 


er 


les of my hipbones and 


"Your tits 


їп. 1 


crouched 


“Anyone here seen Swazee’s head?” 


183 


PLAYBOY 


184 


G WILD. 


Take the Dexter route. 
Weve broken that wild 
west look and come up with 
a breed of western style boots 
you can wear just about any- 
where. With genuine leather 
uppers, AT heels, and 
Goodyear welt construction. 
And you don't have to be in oil to afford them. 
Mosey on down to your nearby Dexter retailer and have 
a look see. = 


= Гал 
Shoemakers to America 


1979 Dexter Shoe Company, 31 St. James Avenue, Boston, MA 02116 


clutching his attaché case, his bald 
brown head smooth with revulsion. 

Rosemary no longer confided what she 
and Mr. March said about me. They 
went to long lunches together, she'd 
come back flushed and self-righteous. 

She rarely spoke to me. One day she 
said fiercely, "Why don't you just go 
home and have some kids? Or are you 
afraid they'll hatch?" Her sneer was so 
ignorant that it needed no reply. 

D 

My husband bought me an imitation- 
leather bra and garter belt. He went to 
Frederick's of Hollywood, I suppose. He 
also bought me some absurdly pointed 
imitation-snakeskin boots. Luckily, 1 
never had to walk in them. It must be 
like making love to a I 
I thought 
battered himself against my 
thighs. 

One night, when he was through, he 
told me about a bad dream he'd had. 

“You burned the house down." he 
said. “You meant to do it. You said we 
could only take a few things, to make it 
look like an accident. Then you sprin- 
kled gasoline around the house and we lit 
it. I helped you." He shook his head slow- 
ly and said again, “I helped you: 

"Why did I do it?" I said. 

He looked at me. his eyes searching 
the cobra cavern. He looked puzzled, 
then annoyed and sullen, like someone 
trying to scrape mayonnaise out of an 
empty jar that he could have sworn was 
full. “I don't know," he said. “It wasn't 
in the dream.” Moments later, he was 
asleep. 

A few nights after that, he got up for 
a glass of water and heard me in the 
closet. I was playing Come, Sweet Death, 
sobbing blissfully. He grabbed my arm 
and yanked me out into the light. He 
was shaking. Slowly he reached for me 
nd, with both hands, tore off my head 
and ripped it up the back. He looked at it 
for a moment, lying in his hands. Then 
he threw it into the bathtub and started 
lighting matches. The scales began to 
smoke and melt, oozing across the pink 
porcelain. The smell was nauseating. 

He carefully turned over the head so 
that I could see the emerald hood dark- 
en and fall away. The small red cobra 
eyes rolled upward in despair, the soft 
fangs flowed like marshmallow cream 
over the forked, hot tar tongue. I pressed 
my violin into my chest until the strings 
groaned. 

The room was filled with fetid black 
smoke. My husband was crying. too, 
tears cutting grimy ditches through the 
soot on his face. For a long time, he 
watched the feeble, smoldering thing 
that had been the snake head; he 
couldn't stand to look at ie. Finally, he 
got himself a glass of water and went 


back to bed. 


Saugahyde 


A SAFE WAY 
TO FIND OUT HOW MUCH 
LIQUOR YOU CAN HOLD. 


CHART FOR RESPONSIBLE PEOPLE WHO MAY П 
SOMETIMES DRIVE AFTER DRINKING! 
APPRO! ILOOD ALCOHOL PERCENTAGE 


Sverybody knows you shouldn't drive when you've had too 
much to drink. Unfortunately almost nobody knows what too much 
to drink is. 

According to Fed standards, you're legally under the influ- 
ence of alcohol when you have .10% alcohol in your bloodstream. 
Which means absolutely nothing to most people. 

What does mean something is vour weight, your physical 
condition, the number of drinks you've had and how long it took you 
to have them. 

he combination of these factors can give you a more under- 
standable way of knowing your drinking limit 

That's why we, the makers and sellers of distilled spiri 
this chart. Use it to help find out whether you're approaching, 
up to, or past your limit. Cone Orin is or 01 100 proof liquor or ол of er. 


It's a lot safer tha i i тоа THIS CHART IS ONLY A GUIDE—HOT A GUARANTEE. 
s a lot safer than finding out on the road die P DUE DE 


1 


160 180 
02 .02 


KNOW YOUR LIMITS 


ETT rite: Distilled Spirits Council of U.S. (DISCUS), 130 


PLAYBOY 


186 


1980-1989 
(continued from page 125) 


“November 2, 1983: The Congress of Nuts abolished 
the FBI . . . and legalized cocaine and incest.” 


dubbed the Congress of Nuts. 
1983 


January 1. The United Nations Inter- 
national Year of the Simultaneous Or- 
gasm began at midnight. 

January 4. Confirming a three-year 
trend, Commissioner Bowie Kuhn an- 
nounced the inception of yearround 
baseball. 

January 20. Led by a coalition of mi- 
grant farm workers, vegetarians and 
Vishnuites, both Houses passed a bill 
prohibiting the consumption of meat. 

March 1]. Yves Saint Laurent intro- 
duced his spring line—the “Chador 
Look" Within weeks, the historic cos- 
mic women was all the rage, 
and from New York to Los Angeles, veils 
of lamé, denim and mink obscured fash- 
ionable faces. 

April 21. ABC and CBS officially in- 
formed NBC that it was no longer en- 
titled to call itself a network. 

May 16. The Mexican government de- 
manded an end to the illegal flow of 
whitebacks"—unemployed Americans 
from the depressed Southwest—into the 
booming oil towns of Mes 

May 16. The Congress of Nuts, in- 
censed by widespread violations of meat 
prohibition, empowered the Surgeon 
General to organize a paramilitary force 
of Surgeon Colonels, Surgeon Sergeants 
and Surgeon Corporals to enforce it. 

July 11. Governor Mike Curb of Cali- 
fornia announced he was placing his 
governorship in a blind trust, in order to 
take over as head of the new Universal- 
Warner studio. 


August 8. Evelyn Wood made tele 
vision history by inaugurating the 
course in speed v 


September 2. The Surgeon General 
launched a national program to spray 


meat and dairy herds with paraquat. 
October 17. The International Year of 

the Simultaneous Orgasm finally bore 

fruit. After several near mi 


the ye 8:10 л-м. Greenwich m. 
time, more than two and a quarter 
billion participants “came together." Sei 


mologists reported an immediate 0.42- 
degree shift in the polar axis: or, as a 
UN spokesman said, “The earth moved.” 

November 2. On the anniversary of its 
election, the Congress of Nuts voted to 
abolish the FBI and the IRS and to 
legalize cocaine and incest. 

December 26. The Cincinnati Reds" 
dreams of being world champions ended 
in the snows of Riverfront Stadium. 


Reds catcher Mano “Manny” Manzano 
lost the ball in a drift and Yankee Willie 
Randolph snowshoed in from third with 
the winning run. 


1984 


January 3. The New York Commodi- 
ty Exchange announced that, due to 
a vast increase in volume of business, i 
had outgrown its facilities in the twin- 
tower World Trade Center and would 
construct a Third World Trade Center— 
an additional tower on a platform strad- 
dling the first two. 

January 3. Congress reconvened and 
passed a resolution declaring 1984 the 
Year of the Total Recall. Inspired by 
Ralph Nader, the measure required the 
recall, for Federal inspection, of ev 
item ctured in the United 5 
since the beginning of 1983. 

January 8. The Administration an- 
nounced that any citizen willing to run 
for Congress in November would get a 
free toaster. 

January 19. A might watchman sur- 
prised three CBS employees couched 
in the American Broadcasting Company's 
Programing Ideas room, rifling cabinets 
marked NOTIONS, IDEAS, CONCEPTS and 
TREATMENTS. The "Waltergate" scandal 
(an unfair sobriquet, in that Cronkite 
had no advance knowledge of the bur- 
glary scheme) had begur 

February 13. The New York Stock Ex- 
change revealed that its total day's trad- 
ing had been three odd-lot shares of 
G.M. For the first time, the Dow Jones 
hit .0001. 

March 29. Bankrupted by nationwide 
casino gambling, Las Vegas defaulted on 
its municipal bonds. 

April 2. A new magazine, Prime Times, 
documented the rapid growth of a new 
American subculture based on the illegal 
consumption of meat. Meat users, or 

meatheads," were getting “broiled 
“marbled” at wild parties where they 
passed around communal hunks of meat, 
or ^" and listened to albums such 
as The Rolling Stones’ Between the Buns. 

May 18. The ASJ.C.A. noted that 
since the meat ban had been in effect, 
there had been a precipitate decine in 
the U. S. pet population. 

June 4. Blue Cross/Blue Shield an- 
nounced huge increases in its insurance 
premiums and that it was taking over 
the moribund IRS to collect them. 

July 4. Universal-Warner released the 
most popular movie of the decade, 
1984!, a musical version of the George 
Orwell novel—but with a happy ending. 


E 


(The hero gets his girl, thanks to the 
benevolent intervention of Big Brother.) 
The immensely profitable film gave rise 
to many fads, including Big Brother cud- 
dly dolls and a craze for pet rats. 

‘July 22. The Olympic Games began in 
Los Angeles with two new events added 
in honor of the host city: Hot Tubbing 
and Sharing the Experience. 

September 10. Secking a “power base,” 
Muhammad Ali demanded—and got— 
induction into the 98 percent black and 
Hispanic Army. 

October I. The Blue Cross/Blue Shield 
Center for Disease Control in Atlanta 
announced that it had finally isolated the 
main causes of Legionnaires’ disease. 
They were: wearing funny blue hats, 
drinking quarts of bourbon and holding 
gusting personal opinions. 

November 6. Three percent of the eli 
gible voters elected Republicans Jack 
Kemp and М am Roth President and 
Vice-President, and returned James Earl 
arter to the House of Representatives. 
rter donated his toaster to charity. 


1985 


January 3. Presidentelect Kemp and 
Vice-President-elect Roth resigned upon 
learning that their salaries had been 
abolished by a referendum in the No- 
vember election. ter, elected $ 
of the House earlier in the day, was 
sworn in as President for a third term. 

January 29. General Muhammad Ali 
was sworn in as Chairman of the Joint 
Chiefs of Stall. 

February 4. In Las Vegas, The Sands, 
the Sahara and Caesars Palace were des- 
ignated welfare hotels. 

February 10. Marine biolo 
nounced a breakthrough in communica- 
tions with dolphins. Transcripts of 
dolphins’ conversations revealed them to 
be extraordinarily nterested 
only in the shortest traveling time be- 
tween various points and good places to 
eat that weren't "too oily." 

February 19. A Federal court awarded 
the CBS television network, plus costs, to 
the American Broadcasting Company as 
compensatory and punitive damages in 
the trial resulting from the Waltergate 
burglary. For the first time, America had 
one commercial network—ABS. 

March 15. Skyrocketing prices for pe- 
troleum-derived fabrics prompted design- 
ers to experiment with cheaper materials, 
Designer John Weitz unveiled a line of 
lightweight men's summer suits made of 
quarter-inch plasterboard. 

April 16. Life magazine was once again 
revived, this time as Half-Life—designed 
to portray the positive aspects of wide- 
spread nuclear power. Its first cover fea- 
tured a literally glowing nuclear family 
This was believed to be the first periodi- 
cal to which a lifetime subscription was 
cheaper than one for 12 months. 

May 2. Contact finally came to horse- 


Merit 
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Smokers used to believe low tar meant 
low taste. 

Then along came MERIT and a whole new taste 
idea called ‘Enriched Flavor’ tobacco. And the 
“low tar, low taste” theory was exploded. Exploded 
with proven taste in a new low tar cigarette. 

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attracted so many smokers as quickly as MERIT! 

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“And they laughed when I ordered a sun тоо]... 


racing with the inauguration of the im- 
mediately popular Kentucky Demolition 
Derby 
суеп Spielberg launched a 
new generation of American auteurs 
th his intensely personal Harrisburg, 
Mon Amour. The film, one of the first 
shot in 140mm, was set in central Penn- 
sylvania and concerned the love of an 
out-ofwork journalist for a badly mu- 
tated 
July 4. 


July 10. Chief Anchor Man, V 

‚ held his first Congress Con- 
ference to bring members of both Houses 
up to date on the news. An angry 
demonstration erupted during the ques- 
tion period concerning Congressional 
salaries, and Cronkite had to be escorted 
from Washington by squads of network 
security polic 

August 30. President Carter an- 
nounced the am: tion of the Fed- 
eral space agencies into a 
new superagency: Spamtrak 

October 2. The Golon Bureau of the 
Intestinal Division of Blue Cross rc 

ealed a cure for All known 
forms could be neutralized by a sub- 

ce secreted. in the cranium of the 
when it was struck re- 
the baby scal's eyes, 
the more potent 
the substance. 

December 6. “Black Fri The gov- 
ernment of Chad's announcement of 
oil strike in excess of a trillion. barr 
forced several other countr 
major finds—information they had been 
withholding from one another in hopes 
of cashing in on skyrocketing oil prices. 
A world-wide oil glut was confirmed and 

global economic panic ensued. 

1986 

February 23. A Congressman, refusing 
to give his name or district, revealed that 
Congress had been delinquent on its 
bills for the past two years and was 
filing for Chapter 11 bankruptc 

February 28. The National Rifle Asso- 
ciation went to court over a case involv- 
ing the confiscation of a homemade 
nuclear device, arguing that the Second 
Amendment implied “the right to bear 
A-bombs.” It won. 

April 3. The ten largest corporations 
in the country, responding to world-wide 
economic depre: n, st d from the 
Union and formed the United Multina 
tionals (UM). 

May 7. Spamtrak's first space shuttle 
was finally launched, 43 days behind 
scheduli 

May 28. The new Columbia School of 


Gossip mailed acceptances to 247 
more than 3000 applicants. 

June 23. Swamped by the demands of 
depression-related strikes, the American | 


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190 


Brotherhood of Hired Pickets struck the 
AF.L-C.LO. 

July 11. The immensely popular mili- 
tary disco, Fort Bragg, opened in San 
Francisco. It catered to a new radical 
movement, which identified strongly 
with the impoverished black and His- 
panic Army. Visitors to the disco per- 
formed precision drill in squads to the 
accompaniment of la sousa played by 
heavily amplified brass bands. 

September 7. The decades most pop- 
ular TV series, The Nielsen Family, pre- 
miered on ABS. Ozie and Harriet 
Nielsen and the two boys did nothing 
except watch TV and answer the video- 
fone to tell “Mr. Brother” what they 
were watching. Nonetheless, the weekly 


excitement over what the Niels 
would pick on Friday became a nati 
institution. 


September 18. A new phenomenon in 
American life, that of single-kid bars— 
where young children could go to check 
out, and possibly go home with, a new 
set of parents—was mirrored in the 
smash-hit UnivwarnerFoxomount pro- 
duction Looking for Mr. and Mrs. 
Goodbar. 

October 20. ABS quietly dropped 
plans to cover the 1986 off-year elections 
after a poll showed 57 percent of the 
population equated the word Congress- 
man with the phrase “welfare cheat.” 


1987 
January 1. Plainfield. 


w Jerscy, was 


tes 
CEL 


Шу designated the nation’s first 
ghost suburb. 

January 26. President Carter made a 
rare visit to Washington, D.C., to deliver 
his State of the Union Guesstimate and 
was attacked by a crowd of several thou- 
sand Senators and Congressmen, all 
claiming to have won seats in the No- 
vember elections. 

March 2. Chip Smith, aged seven, of 
Chevy Chase, Maryland, was granted a 
divorce from his parents. 

April IH. Pope John Paul II an- 
nounced a monumental program to 
“plunge the Church headlong into the 
20th Century.” Sweeping changes were 
introduced to ultramodernize the clergy. 
Priests were ordered thenceforth to wear 
DAs and pegeg jeans, while nuns were 
required to sport ponytails and habits 
with poodle appliqués. Davy Crockett 
hats replaced the beretta in the celeb 
tion of the Mass, and proficiency in the 
Hula Hoop and singing backup became 
mandatory for confirmation. The V 
also attributed a first miracle to Elvis— 
an amazing increase in the bustline of 
ne Kitto of Baton Rouge. 

May 11. The first APPR DED posters 
of Congressmen and Senators appeared 
in banks in the District of Colum 

June 1. Work started at the defunct 
Rancho Seco, California, nuclear-power 
station—to convert the plant into low- 
income housing. 

June 15. Radical groups from across 
the nation converged on Washington, 


“Do you have to put catsup on everything?” 


D.C., for a mass March for the Pentagon 
in support of the Army and a revived 
multibillion-dollar defense budget. Girls 
placed symbolic bullets in the rifles of 
s and Donna Summer pre- 
disco classic, We Shall 


micred a mil 


Overrun. 


August 4. Scientists confirmed that 


food shortages caused by world-wide cli 
matic changes—in particular the deserti- 
fication of Nebraska, Iowa and Kansas— 
wert deed, the result of the Interna- 
tional Year of the Simultaneous Orgasm. 
four years ear 

August 28. The Blue Cross Secretary 
of State for Ligaments announced that 
researchers had successfully neutralized 
muscular dystrophy. A distraught Jerry 
Lewis, in turn, announced that come 
Labor Day, he would be on the as 
usual with a coast-to-coast Natural 
Causes Telen 

September 8. With the meat ban more 
honored in the breach than in the ob- 
servance, the pigalo, a cross between а 
pig and a bullalo, was introduced to the 
public. Although its meat was delicious, 
breeding problems proved insurmounta- 
ble. Ihe pigalo was irreversibly gay. 

Seplember 15. In a. major sports spe- 
was reported that the dominance 
jor-league baseball by Ы. 
nstorming white leagues 
with their own style, standings and celeb- 
rities, including one ОГ Valise Paige, a 
pitcher, whose rules for life were gems 
such as “Buy long, sell short.” 

Sepiember 30. Disney, Inc., premiered 
the popular Inner Wilderness Famil 
about a suburban family that flees civi- 
lization to homestead the South Bronx. 

October 12. Deteriorating conditions 
on intercity flights led to uniformed cops’ 
ned on all planes to prevent 
ng and sexual assault. 

A massive proliferation 


mugg 
November 3. 
of humpback whales in the Hudson 


г dramatized a problem long feared 
ne biologists. The whales, wildly 
promiscuous by nature, had multiplied 
at such a rate that ports and estuaries 
from Maine to Florida were clogged with 
the sexually aroused behemoths. 


1988 


February 29. Broccoli was declared an 
endangered vegetable. 

March 17. In a case brought by an 
outolwork tru nst ABS, the 
Supreme Court unanimously established 
the principle of “right to treatment,” by 
which any citizen had an implied right 
to have an idea for a TV show con: 
ered by the network. 

March 23. The Paris spring look was 
governed by chronic food shortages in 
the U nd France. lions reflected. 
what only a few could afford, and a 
craze [or fatness was rored in the 
new grosse couture. 

April 15. The Agents’ Hall of Fame 


For over 80 years, the Cribari family has been making a 
wine that makes all those good things in life even a little better. 


Cribari & Midnight. Cribari & Sons. 


PLAYBOY 


192 


opened its doors in the old Hefner Man- 
sion in Holmby Hills. 

June 7. A Constitutional Conven- 
tion, after almost eight years of delibera- 
tion, presented the nation with a new 
Bill of Rights, affirming, among other 
things, the inalienable right of all Amer- 
icans to turn right on red. 

July 23-August 15. The Peking Olym- 
pics were a complete failure, due largely 
to the apparent Chinese incomprehen- 
sion of team sports. The Chinese fielded 
a 7l5-man soccer team, for instance, 
entirely filling their end of the pitch. 
They also leaped on one another's shoul- 
ders in basketball games to slam-dunk. 


August 17. The Ivy League, 
ed by declining enrollment, announced 
that it was willing to sell expansion fran- 
chises to the highest bidders. To add 
competition to this process, it split into 
the American Ivy League (AIL) and the 
Ivy League (NIL). 

September 10. Cheryl Слар of Ham- 
tramck, Michigan, was named Miss Amer- 
ica. Cheryl was 23 years old, 5/2” tall and 
weighed a luscious 413 pounds. 

Seplember 23. A new fast-food chain, 
Grubs ‘п’ Roots—offering “a whole third 
world of food"—opened across the U. S. 

Seplember 29. The first network elec 
tion campaign—for Anchor Man of the 


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United States—got under way when dis- 
affected members of the ABS Eyewitness 
News staff announced а Draft John-John 
Kennedy campaign. 

October 5. Manuel "Beanbag" de 
Goya became the first Puerto Rican 
heavyweight champion of the world, tak- 
ing the title from Leon Spinks on points. 
Manuel weighed in at 279 pounds, stood 
4'7” and had never been knocked down. 
He was billed as The Great Wide Hope. 

November 8. After a hotly contest- 
ed campaign in which more t 
$20,000,000 spent in commerc 
time, Walter Cronkite was elected to a 
four-year term as Anchor Man of the 
United States of America. 


1989 


January 17. Funds ran out in an am- 
bitious project to develop the potatolo, 
a cross between a buffalo and a potato. 

February 23. Walter Cronkite 
nounced that Jimmy Carter had agreed 
to join the ABS Evening News staff as 
Vice-Anchor Man 

April 3. Pope John Paul II, in a move 
designed to counteract the utter failure 
of his modernization effort two years 
previously, issued the so-called Super 
Bull—proclaiming himself infallible in 
matters of faith, morals and sports. 

June 5-9. Reports began to circulate 
in the press that a large cult calling itself 
Congress aking havoc in the 
District of Columbia under the leader- 
ship of Mark Lane, who described him- 
self as “duly elected Presiden 

August 12. The United Multinationa 
announced they were moving to Chin: 

Angust 24. General Ali reported that 
the Army was moving to occupy “hostile 
enclaves” in the cities and suburbs. 

September 29. Louise Joy Brown, the 
original test-tube baby, proclaimed, on 
the occasion of her first menstruation, 
that she was the Messiah 

November 13. 


an- 


was wr 


А cable was received at 
ABS News Headquarters from "Presi- 
dent" Lane, charging that Congress was 
the object of deliberate persecution by 
the network. Anchor Man Cronkite told 
viewers he would personally investigate 
charges that Lane was resorting to mind 
control to enforce ri; 

November 17 


d rules of conduct. 


A chronic world-wide 
shortage of paper was dramatized by the 
opening in Toledo, Ohio, of the first 
Kleenex laundry. 

Anchor Man Cronkite, 
approaching the White House to seek 
an interview with self-styled “President” 
Mark Lane, w lly wounded by 
three shots, fired from an upst 


December 2, 


dow of the former Executive Mansion. 

December 19. James Earl Carter was 
sworn in as the second Anchor Man of 
the United States of America. 


In our family business 


there’s three things you don’t mind 
spending your money on. Copper tub- 
ing. Fast cars. And a fine pair of warm, 
dry boots. And that third one is just as 
important as the first two. When you're 
crouching down in some gully with your 
feet in ice-cold ditch water, never mov- 
ing a muscle for hours, whilst them 


damn Treasury agents snoop around 
with their dogs barking and sniffing, 
well, that's the time you're glad 
you didn't cut corners on your boots. 
These boots we bought are fine boots, 
well made, need no brcaking in. But 
to us, that don't mean so much com- 
pared to the way they're waterproof 
and warm. 


The Timberland Company, Newmarket, NH 03857 


Available at all Vanguard, Ltd. stores. 


A whole line of fine leather boots 
that cost plenty, and should. 


193 


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“APOCALYPSE” FINALLY 


(continued from page 121) 


* “Bruce Lee?’ I said. ‘I thought he was dead." And he 
was dead, of course. Still, I did the movie.” 


More than one performer wound up 
in Apocalypse through a twist of fate or 
blind luck that suggested dark, mysteri- 
ous forces at work behind the scenes— 
like some rendezvous with destiny out of 
a Conrad novel. At least five major male 
stars said no to the leading role before 
Coppola hired Harvey Keitel, decided 
he was wrong when he saw the first film 
rushes, flew back to the States to recast 
and gave the part to Sheen after bump- 
ing into him by chance at the airport. 
Colleen got her role through another 
fluke. “Long before Apocalypse, when 1 
didn't even know Francis, І went to a 
screening of The Godfather, Part II in 
New York and was overwhelmed. I told 
my date right then and there that I was 
going to be in Coppola’s next picture. 
He said, "Yeah, with your luck, it'll turn 
out to be a war movie." 

“Actually, I think I'm psychic. At first, 
Linda Carter was cast in the Playmate 
role. pLaynoy did a centerfold shot with 
her, the whole bit. But seven months 
later, a typhoon had destroyed all the 
d Linda couldn't continue because 
of Wonder Woman, 1 guess, and I was 
in the film, after all. And I knew it 
would happen.” 

Wherever Colleen goes, things hap- 
pen. “The day I arrived to start shooting 
Apocalypse was the day Marty Sheen got 
ill. Then, later, we were in this dingy 
hotel-motel, a three-hour jeep ride from 
when a fire broke out—one of 
from the crew was in his roon 
with three Filipino girls and a са 
and forgot to watch the candle. С 
and I thought we'd all be burned alive. 

A girl whose d existence 
ems rife with anecdote, Colleen has a 
sizable collection of true but stranger- 
than-fiction stories. Among her choicest 
is the one about being sued for $100,000 
by rge Peppard's chauffeur. "I was 
driving down a hill, minding my own 
business, when Peppard's chauffeur ran 
into me. And he sued me, for brain 
age. I got hysterical in court when it 
brought out that two weeks before the 
accident, he'd been attending a Repub- 
convention at a Holiday Inn, 
n elephant—an elephant, mind 
you him up and threw him 
through a plate-glass window.” 

From Busch Bird Sanctuary and the 
elephant to her jungle adventures with 
Coppola, there's been plenty of good 
news from Camp. She had done lots of 
dic TV, won a co-starring role in 
Rich Man, Poor Man Book II and has 


yto- 


adorned such films as Funny Lady, Gum- 
ball Rally and Michael Ritchie's Smile 
(Colleen was hilarious as the teenaged 
beauty contestant whose principal talent, 
God help us, was packing a suitcase). 
And her association with Coppola has 
led to even better opportunities. For in- 
stance: "I've signed for Peter Bogdano- 
vidvs They All Laughed. It's a kind SE 
romantic comedy-rcalistic love story. 
play a girl who's a singer, who's bon 
older man and gets pregnant, 
also get to sing in it. 

“When I got Apocalypse, people auto- 
matically put me into a different. cate- 
gory. Doing a Coppola picture marked a 
major change. Though some of the 
changes struck me as rather weird at the 
time. Like the day my agent phoned and. 
said they had a fabulous part for те... 
a producer had seen my Apocalypse foot- 
age and wanted me to star in his movie 
Game of Death, a Columbia picture with. 
Bruce Lee. 

“Bruce Lee?’ Y said. 1 thought he was 


dead." And he was dead, of course. Still, 
I did the movie." Colleen also sang the 
Game of Death theme song on the film's 
sound track—very nicely, too—and now 
has a big hit single in Japan. 

Next she was €d to do Cloud 
Dancer, not yet released, with Joseph 
Bottoms, David Carradine and Jennifer 
O'Neill. "Before they signed me for the 
part, I had to agree to fly upside down 
in an old open-cockpit biplane, 30 feet 
above the ground—held in only by a 
seat belt and traveling about 130 miles 
an hour. Screaming all the way, I prom- 
ise you. 

“Thanks a lot,’ I told my 
just do not believe this career. 
months in the jungle with Apocalypse, 
you put me in a movie with a dead star, 
playing his girlfriend opposite a double 
and a bunch of unused film clips. Now 
you've got me risking my ncck, flying 
bottom side up in an airplane. A person 
could get killed. 

On the other hand, bottom side up 
may be the safest position for Colleen 
to maintain. As if to prove her instinc- 
tive flair for human comedy—the laugh- 
ter-and-tears kind—Collecn, while being 
photographed for PLAynoy, sat on a bee. 
Hmmm. Docs that mean she's up for a 
sequel to The Sting? —s.w. 


Lip A Shp HB EL Dix FEE 
DE 3 e d 


“How do I know you won't 
be like all the others, Davey? 
Ask me to wait for you, then forget all 
about me even before you graduate 
from junior high school?” 


195 


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BEAR BRANTS МВАС air. And above it all, Bear doesn't move, doesn't, the running back gets dumped 
S he doesn't even seem to be interested. It's on. his ass by an enormous amount of 
(continued from page 126) as though he's а stranded lifeguard, six meat and gear. Either way, he has to set 


received a lot of flak for special treat- months. off season, wondering how the 10, go around the second lineman, then 
athletic elitism. Since hell he got up there and how the hell he's the. third. Somehow, with that coach 


ment, pampering 


then, sports dorms have popped up all gonna get down bawling and shoving the lineman who 

over, but the controversy still goes on. The most terrifying workout I see that fucked up, I feel more anxiety for the 
In any event, as I go there for lunch day is called the gauntlet drill. You take lineman than I do for the halfback 

with Kirk McNair, Alabama's sports three linemen, line them up one behind On the Astroturf field, there are two 


information director, I expect to see the other about ten [eet apart. Then a practice sarimmages with referees, T sit 
something between a palace and a beach- relatively small running back is placed on the sideline bench with а number of 
front condominium. What I see is more about five feet in front of the first line- pro scouts, a few privileged civilians and 
like a cross between a dorm and а hous- man, and at the sound of a whistle. he a bunch of shaggy-haired 12-year-olds 
ing project. The place looks like shit. Off — tries to get past the first lineman. Ihe who walk up and down the side line 
the lobby is a TV room and the dining docs, the lineman gets the shit chewed imitating that pigeon-toed jock walk, 
ers walk by. Some аге mam- out of him by the defensive coach. It he chewing gum and tying to look like 


E 


room. F 
moth, with roast-beef shoulders and ham 
hock thighs, and they shuffle sway-backed 
into the dining room; others aren't much 
bigger than I am. Alabama opis for 


RTE ace: bats йл db Ever wonder Ww 
not that big a team 


I eat with McNair and a Birmingham 3 age 2 
MERE EE DUE shes iling 
guy who runs a restaurant in town, is a 4 LI 
freak for the team and supplies every- p tk 
body with food. He just likes to hang 
around with the boys. 

From where we sit, I cin sce the guys 
taking the empty trays to the disposal 
area. They all seem to shuffle, drag their 
feet like they're saving it up for prac 
tice—or else they have that sprightly 
pigcon-toed jock walk, as if they're about 
to sprint across a room keeping a soccer 
ball afloat with their toes and knees. 

I don't hear anybody mention Bear 
Bryant. In fact, he doesn’t have that 
much personal contact with his players. 
He's got a huge staff of coaching assist- 
ants who get down in the dirt with them. 

But he's there. He's in that room, He 
is the team and everybody knows it 

А football is laid out with a white pen 
by the tray-disposal area, and the players 
sign the ball after they get rid of their 
ways. Some kid is going to get the best. 
birthday present in the entire state. Or 


maybe it's for his old man. 
Later that afternoon, I'm taken to the 
grass practice field. The sports offices are 


in the col 
ground w 
closed-to-the-public Astroturf practice 
field. The first thing I notice as 1 come up 
to ground level, slightly drunk on the 
walt of freshly cut grass, is a tower. A 
huge 50-foot-high observation post 

And up there is my first shot of Bear, arr 
slouched against the railing 
beatup varsity jacket, a baseball cap, a 
megaphone hanging from one wrist. He 
doesn’t move, just leans back like he's lost 


um and there's a Jong under 
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PLAYBOY 


future prospects. Like me, every few 
minutes they sneak a glance at the tower 
to check out the big man. 

The players are wearing jerseys of one 
of five colors. Red jersey—first-string of- 
fense. White—first-string defense. Blue— 
second-string defense. 
string offense. And gold. Gold signi- 
fies "Don't tackle this man,” which means 
the guy is either a quarterback (quarter- 
backs never get tackled in practice) or 
nursing an injury. 

I look up at the tower. Bear is gone. 

The bench we're sitting on divides the 


Green—second- 


pits and the Astroturf [rom a long, flat 
grassy field with just a few goal posts at 
one distant end. Bear makes it down to 
earth and, head still down, slowly ambles 
over to the grassy field. Some of the 12- 
year-olds notice and nudge one another. 
He's walking away. Going home. Hands 
in pockets. The bench divides the two 
shows: the number-one college team 
working out to tlie west and the coach 
slowly walking alone to the east. 

I turn my back on the players and 
watch Bear walk. He gets out about 50 
yards toward. the walkway back to the 


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coliseum when a player on crutches, 
hobbling toward the Astroturf, meets him 
at mid-field. They stop, exchange a few 
words (the crutches do not fall away as I 
would prefer) and the wounded player 
swings along toward the crowd. 

Bear stands there, staring at his shoes, 
scratching his nose. Then, without look- 
ing up, he puts a whistle in his mouth, 
shoots a couple of weak toots ] think 
only І can hear, and suddenly the earth 
is shaking and I'm caught in a buffalo 
stampede. Every player has immediately 
dropped everything and is tearing ass 
over to Bear. 

They say no one ever walks for a sec- 
ond from the beginning to the end of an 
Alabama practice. Within 20 seconds of 
his whistle, Bear is surrounded in a 
square by four perfect lines. Blue jersey, 
south; white, north; red, cast; green, 
west. Bear squints into the distance. A 
player leaps forward out of the tense and 
taut blue south—they're all in a slight 
crouch, eyes on the blue leader, who 
jerks his hands toward his helmet and, in 
a twinkling, they follow suit; he jerks his 
hands down to his flexed thighs, halfway 
up to his chest, а half jerk up, down, a 
feint, finger tips to the helmet. The entire 
blue squad is frozen except for its arms. 
Back and knees bent, eyes and neck 
straight ahead, they play flawless follow- 
the-leader for 15 seconds, then stand up 
straight, arching their backs. and clap 
and checr for themselves. 

As soon as they applaud, the leader of 
the green west leaps out and leads his 
squad through a perfect 15second drill. 
"The green applaud themselves. Bear 
stands alone in the center of all this, a 
deity, a religious rock being rapidly 
salaamed by an army of jocks. The green 
cheer is immediately followed by the 
white north, then applause, then red cast. 
Fifteen flawless seconds each of heart- 


stopping precision—Bear Bryant the 
centerpiece, looking nowhere, every- 
where, watching or lost in thought 


Then every опе of them is running 
back to where he came from. Back to the 
dirt, the Astroturf, the tackling sled. Back 
over my head and shoulders. And once 
again, Bear is alone on the field, hands in 
pockets just like 120 seconds before. He 
has not said a thing, seemingly never 
looked at anyone. Behind me, the prac 
tices are in full swing. I watch coach 
Bryant amble over to his tower and slow- 
ly ascend the 50 feet to his platform, 
resume his slouch against the railing and 
check out whatever those flinty eyes deem 
in need of checking out. Holy shit and 
Kiss my ass. That was known as a quick- 
ness drill. 


• 

In terms of glory, there are по individ- 
ual stars at Alabama. It really is a team 
team. It has had plenty of All-Ameri- 
cans, plenty of pro stars such as Lee Roy 


Jordan, Joe Namath, Ken Stabler, but by 
"t hear that much 
about ind ides the coach. 

How does he do it? The team is com- 
posed predominantly of home boys, who 
must have grown up worshiping Bear 
Bryant. I think of those 12.ycar-olds 
cock-walking the side lines, one-eving the 
tower. Every year, the coach gets a batch 
of players who have been spoon-fed Bear 
stories and glories all their lives. So for 
an adolescent athlete from Birming 
Florence, Demopolis, Bessemer to hear 
"Bear wants you"—it would turn him 
into a raving Kamikaze, or at least a stout 
and loyal fellow. I don't think Bear has 
10 try very hard anymore to get players 
with the right "attitude 

My first interview the following morn- 
ing is with Steadman Shealy. We meet 
the chandelier in the football 
dorm. Shealy isn't much bi than I 
am, but he's a lot blonder and tanner. He 
also has a firmer handsha better man- 
ners and а neater appearance. Shealy's 
the first-string quarterback. 

We go up to his room and I get my 
first gander at the living arrangements. 
The dorm rooms are tiny, with two beds, 
cinder-block walls and the usual campus- 
bookstore assortment posters. 
Shealy, at least, is average-human-being- 
sized. I try to ix 
sharing а room this narrow. 

Shealy sits on his bed 


under 


of banal 


inc two nose guards 


confident, se- 


rene, courteous, helpful and cheerful. 
And he's not putting me on. 1 ask him 
why he chose to go to Alabama, assuming 
he could have played amywhere in the 
South. 1 expect him to rave about Bear, 
but instead he says, “I really thought this 
is where God wanted me to come. 

I sit up a little straighter. At first I 
don't know if he's talking about the Lord 
or Bear, but then he says the second rea- 
son was the opportunity to play for 
coach Bryant—that Alabama has "some- 
thing extra" in wadition. 
And then he says something 1 will hear 
in the next several interviews: "And I 
want to be a winner.” 

On the cover of Bear is the quote “1 
ain't nothing but a winner." 

Shealy talks of. Bear's father image, of 
how the coach applies football to life 
(another thing ГИ hear again), of what 
it takes to win. All hokey stuff in the 
abstract—but not to Shealy or the others. 
The guys talk about these bland no 
as though they were tenets of radical 
politics. 

Shealy's religiosity, as exotic 10 me as 
Bora-Bora, seems a natural extension of 
the team spirit. He is a Christian soldier, 
a leader and a follower. Not many of the 
guys say they're religious, but—at least in 
interviews—there are no wise guys, no 
cynics. Frankly, all this clear eyed devo 
tion makes me extremely uncomfortable, 
but mayl 


its winning 


ions 


that's my problem 


And where does Shealy sec himself five 
years from now? "Coachin' or Christian 
ministry . . . it all depends on what doors 
God opens up.” None of what he sa 
about the coach, about winning and life 
is all that insightful, but his сус and 
chin tell the story. He has no room in his 
face for sarcasm, despair or doubt. He 
loves the coach, he loves the team, he 
loves Christ: a clean-cut, all-American, 
God, Bear and "Bama man if ever there 
were one. 


б 

Attitude, T know Bryant doesn't toler- 
ate any guff [rom anybody. He suspended 
two of his most famous players, Namath 
and Stabler, for infractions. No matter 
who you are, if you don't toe the line, 
the man will personally clean out your 
locker for you. Bear says in his book that 
he works best with the kid who doesn't 
know he's not terribly talented but plays 
his heart out. He's more attuned to that 
kind of athlete than to the hot-dog nat 
ural. Sort of like making the New York 
Yankecs out of a bunch of Rocky types 
it American combo; underdog. 


My next interview is with Don Jacobs, 
the second- or possibly third-string qu: 
terback. He picked Alabama 
growing up in north Alabama, that's all 
you hear: “Alabama this, Alabama tha 
He says in the southern part of the stare. 


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PLAYBOY 


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boys are partial to Auburn, but Alabama 
is the “number-one university in your 
mind." 

“The first time I talked with coach 
Bryant,” says Jacobs, "I was scared to 
death. I was afraid to say anything at all. 
But he was real nice. He talked about Pat 
Trammel [a star on the 1961 champion- 
ship team], ‘cause Trammel was from 
Scottsboro, my home town. Said he hoped 
I was good as Trammel.” 

Bear, I'm thinking, is а frighte 
man, but from what I gather of the im- 
pressions and memories of players, he's 
not a screamer, puncher, growler. He's a 
man of few words, not even one for pep 
talks. Jacobs has never seen him get 
really angry, never lose his cool, never 
jump on anybody's case. 

I ask Jacobs how I should conduct 
myself when I meet Bear. "Be real cour- 
teous,” he says. "Say ‘Yes, sir, по, sir. 
Just be yourself.” 

“Should I get a h 

"I dunno. I wouldn't go in there like 
that. When you go see him, you always 
shave, look real nice, don't wear sloppy 
clothes. Lots of players tell you there's а 
lot of things you don't do when you see 
coach Bryant. It’s been passed down 
through history. You always take your 
hat off in the house, stuff like that.” 

Awe and respect. Dedication and hon- 
or. And, oh, yes, talent. 

In the early afternoon, I see a few 
players hanging out with some girls in 
front of Bryant Hall. A big dude comes 
walking in with his d mom, sis and his 
pretty gal. The father looks like a big 


baggy version of his son. Maybe the pres- 
ent son will come to this dorm 20 years 
later with Ais son, Football is а family 
sport. Everybody is proud of everybody. 
Bryant pushes that a lot in his talks to his 


is from a midweck, midseason 
s 1064 national champs: 


After the game, there are three 
types of people. One comes in and 
he ain't played worth killing, and 
he's lost. And he gets dressed and out 
of there as quick as he can. He meets 
his girl and his momma, and they 
ain't too damn glad to sce him. 
And he goes off somewhere and says 
how “the coach shoulda done this or 
that,” and “the coach don't like 
me," and “I didn't play enough.” 
And everybody just nods. 

And the second type will sit there 
awhile, thinking what he could have 
done to make his team a winner. 
And he'll shed some tears. He'll fi- 
nally get dressed, but he doesn't 
want to зес anybody, momma's 
out there. She puts on a big act and 
tells him what a great game he 
played, and he tells her if he had 
done this or that, he'd be a winner, 
and that he will be a winner—next 
week. 

And then there’s the third guy. 
The winner. He'll be in there hug- 
ging everybody in the dressing room. 
It'll take him an hour to dress. And 
when he goes out, it's a little some- 
thing extra in it when his daddy 


“Oh, the Silver Dollar is OK, I guess. But they 
make an absolutely terrible brandy alexander and their 
rest room is always in deplorable condition.” 


squeezes his hand. His momma hugs 
and kisses him, and that little old 
ugly girl snuggles up, proud to be 
next to him. And he knows they're 
proud. And why. 


That afternoon, I have an interview 
with one of the black players, a nose 
guard named Byron Braggs. I have seen 
only a small photo of in the press 
book and know that on the first day of 
practice his freshman year, he almost 
d of heatstroke but came back to be a 
top lineman. 

Im checking out my biceps in the 
empty lounge of Bryant Hall when 1 look 
up and jump 90 fect—there’s Braggs, 
6/6", 260 pounds, wearing a Cat-tractor 
hat. We go up to his room, which con- 
sts of a large roommate, a TV, a stereo 
and a fullsize refrigerator. They must 
sleep standing up. 

Braggs a little different from the 
others I've talked with—a little less awe- 
struck, more blasé. He came to Alabama 
because his “folks picked it for me. It's 
near home.’ 

What does he think about Bryant 
lot of guys are scared of him,” says 
Braggs. "They're in awe of his presence. 
But I just look at him like anybody else. 
I'm just happy he can remember my 
name. He mixes up a lot of names and 
faces, but two minutes later, he'll re- 
member and apologize. 

Ten years ago, Alabama was segre- 
gated. When I ask Braggs if prejudice 
lingers, he just shrugs. "It doesn't bother 
me," he says. “There were times when 
things looked shaky, but there are no 
major problem: 


A 


And is state-wide football fever a white 
fever, or does it affect black Alabamans, 
too? “Up until about eight to ten years 


t was mainly white. I 
even know about Alabama 
would watch Notre Dame, USC with 
O. J. Simpson. I didn't really notice Ala- 
bama until they beat USC out there. 
That was the first time I knew they had. 
a team. And since they had black play- 
ers, a lot more people became fans of 
the team. My folks and others follow the 
m now. In my home town, people 
ауе become real fans.” 
How about those things Bryant 
teaches—about character and football 
and life? “Lvs life and death out there on 
the field sometimes. It all ties in. Some 
coaches like Bryant, John McKay, Ara 
Parseghian tend to have a definite pull 
on which way you're looking after you 
graduate. They're sort of like the last 
shaping process that someone is going to 
do to you. From then on, you do it 
from within. 
Braggs's advice on how to relate to the 
coach? 1k to him straight. Don't beat 
around the bush. He's not impressed 
with slickness or guys trying to fool him.” 
б 


Taking a breather between interviews, 


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Canon- s who are small [DeNiro is six feet, 


bout your Ohio State buddies? 
What was the reaction when they found 
out you were going to play for Alabama?” 

“They thought 1 made a big mistake. 
That I'd come down here and they'd still 
be fighting the Civil War. They were 
wrong.” 

DeNiro's first impression of Bryant? 

"He's a legend. Like meeting someone 
you always wanted to meet. Once Ala- 
bama wanted me, 1 didn't have no trou- 
ble makin’ up my mind. I remember one 
time I was loafin’ when I was red-shirted, 
which is a hard time, 'cause you practice 
ike everyone else, but come Friday 


~ ht, when the ‘ou мау 
Е: In || home. Any I а day.’ 
, TN) e as coach calls it, and he caught me and 
yelled, *DeN 
tryin’ to fool? 


who you think you're 
And from then on, 1 
never loafed. There's really no place for 
it on the field.” 
“How about contact with the coach 
Maybe two or three times a year. He 
ys his door is always open, but ГИ go 
just maybe to say goodbye befor: 
home or something: 
has coaching meetings every day. He 
tells the coaches what he thinks, then 
we'll have meetings with the coaches in 
the afternoon and they'll tell us what 
were doing wrong. And then about 


бай. 


1 
1 


three, four times a week, we'll have a 
meeting with coach Bryant. We'll all go 
in asa group. He'll tell us what he sees 


overall. I im: he gets more contact 
with the upperclassmen, because they're 
rs and they'll get it across to the 


Where do you see yourself five years 
from now?" 

“Hopefully, with a lot of money. May 

be pro 

Bryant proved the little man can work 

Where quality is the constant factor. out. Or maybe I'll coach. Coach Bryant 

4 aa’ is the legend of all coaches. И he is be- 

?) ‚ый. 7. hind you, no telling how many doors сап 


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Bear Bryant alumni now in the business world. They meet 
with graduating senior team members and help them find both 
summer and career jobs. Many kids want, if not to play pro. 
which most of them do want, to take a crack at coaching. 
There's also a big business school down there and a strong 
education program. But whatever they do choose, if they stay 
in Alabama, playing for Bear and then going into anything 
in athletics or business is like graduating summa cum laude. 
Even outside Alabama, the alumni network is nationwide. T 
hear that one of the biggest diamond dealers in New York's 
47th Street district is an Alabama grad. 
+ 

These interviews are frustratingly inconclusive. АП this 
nonsense concerning life, character, winners’ attitudes—of 
course it's going to come across bland and boringly obvious 
on a tape recorder. But it's really a combat с derie, а 
brotherhood of suffering and surviving, a growing together in 
a violent, competitive world. And being rewarded by being 
called best. Call it character, call it chicken soup, but its 
really love. Love of the boss man, Love of one another and 
love of victory. All this hoopla about football applied to life 
comes down to this: / was the best in the world once. 1 
what that tastes like. I want more. Roll, Tide! 

In arcas of rural poverty. football is the American passion 
play. the emotional outlet for all the rage, boredom and bad 
breaks—just as basketball is in urban 

In The Last Picture Show, an enti as town lived for 
high school football; and that’s a common phenomenon, In 
our dissociated culture—despite whatever grace, glory and 
beauty they evoke in the best teams and р 
sports serve two functions: They allay boredom, divert people 
from thinking about the dreariness of their lives; and they 
help people channel their rage. 

You can go to a revival in Selma on Friday or you can 
scream your lungs out in Bryant-Denny Stadium in Tu 
loosa on Saturday, The bottom line at both is wansference of 
a lot of anger into a socially acceptable outlet. 

Like in football, there's a lot of beatific beauty in Gospel, 
but it's a bit beside the point. As coach Karl Marx once said, 
football is the opiate of the people. And not just here: There 
are soccer riots in the Third World stadiums. Christs lor a 
bloodying themselves in Latin-Ame £ 
marching to Mecca. A lady in Selma once told me, “People 
leave Bryant stadium like they'r igious trance.” 

. 

It’s my day to interview Bear, and, to be honest, I'm scared. 
I consider giving myself a haircut with nail clippers. My he: 
is calling Kong to the gates. 

McNair takes me up to the offices on the top floor of the 
coliseum, where I sit in the spacious waiting room. The walls 
are covered with floor-to-ceiling black-and-white blowups of 
every major bowl stadium—Rose, Orange, Sugar, Bluebonnet, 
Gator, T ne, you name it. 

Everybody walking around is named Coach. It's like sitting 
in a room with all the tall, stately, aging cowboys of Holly- 
wood. A room full of Gary Cooper-Ben Johnson look-alike: 

1 nodding to one another. "Mornin', coach.” “Hey, coach. 
ice day, coach." If 1 were to scream out "Coach!" there 
would be a ten-way collision. And everybody looks like Bear 
Bryant. 

Several times I sce someone walk in and hear someone say, 
"Hey, coach,” and I jump up, drop my ta and 
extend my hand. After the fifth f rm, I ignore the next 
look-alike. Too bad. That one is the mold. 

I walk into his office, a large wood-paneled room with a 
color TV, a massive cluttered desk and a view of the practice 
field. Coach Bryant is cordial—patient but distant. He has 
been interviewed perhaps six times a week since coming to 
Alab: 

He looks all of his 66 years—his е an aer 
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huge and gnarled. He needs a haircut 
himself. 

As I fumble around with the tape re- 
corder, explaining that Гап not a sports 
writer, he opens a pack of unfiltered 
Chesterfields. He's dressed like a retired 
millionaire entertainer—casual natty. A 
paleblue golf sweater, checked blue 
slacks and spiffy black loafers. When he 
laughs, all the creases in his face head 
toward his temples and he lets out a 
deep, gravelly *Heh-heh." When he's an- 
noyed, his eyebrows meet over his nose 
and 1 feel like jogging back to New York. 
His movements are slow; he seems almost 
phlegmatically preoccupied. 

All in all, 1 like the guy, though I 
couldn't see being in a sensory-awareness 
class together. 

The interview is a bit of a bust. Fm 
glad I have the tape recorde 
can't understand a damn thing he says 
He sort of mutters from his diaphragm 
in his artesian-well-deep Arkansas drawl 
and it's like listening to a language you 
studied for only a year in high school. 

Bear sits sideways in his chair, legs 
crossed, elbow on the back rest, absently 
rubbing his forehead and smoking those 
Chesterfields. T sit a few feet away in a 
pulled-up chair. a spiral notebook in my 
lap open to my questions. I tentatively 
slide my tape recorder toward him from 
the corner of his desk. 

“Coach, you're pretty much an Amer- 
ican hero these days. І was wondering 
who your heroes are.” (Please don’t kill 
me.) 

He pouts, shrugs. “Well. my heroes 
are John Wayne, Bob Hope, General 
Patton .. . J. Edgar Hoover, although he 
ain't too popular, I guess. . . 27 He men 
tions various sports stars through the 
ages—from Babe Ruth to contemporary 
players—then he nods toward the tape 
recorder and says, “I suppose you'd like 
me to say Einste 

“Nah, nah, nah. Einstein, по... по, 


not at all.” 
“OI couse, with my heroes, as I get. 


older, they get olde 

“Yeah, ha, I 

I ask a lew boring questions 
defining character, defining motivation, 
defining a winning attitude, none of 
which he can define but all of which he 
can sure talk about. 

“I cain't define character," he says, 
but it’s important, especially to those 
who don't have that much natural abil- 
ity—on the football field or elscwher 

Next comes my New York hotsy-totsy 
question. 

“In Bear, Y read about how you mo- 
tivate players, psych them up. I also read 
that you understand people better than 
any other coach. Comprehension like 
that seems to be one of the attributes of 
a good psychiatrist. What do you feel 
about the field of psychiatry?" 

He gives a chuckle. "Well, I don't 


know nothing about psychiatrists. I 
prob'ly need one, but 1 don't know the 
secret of motivatin’ people—an' if I did, 
I wouldn't tell anyone.” 

Then he goes on about motivation. At 
one point. he says, “I remember one 
time. . ..." And about five minutes later 
he says, “That was the di 
heh-heh," in that noble g 

Then his face darkens 
guess that 

I almost shit, A jok 
joke! Laugh, you asshole! Fake it! 

I haven't heard a word he's said. I give 
a sick grin, say, “Naw, that’s funny, tli 
funny!" and give my own “Heh-heh.” 
My armpits feel flooded 

For a while, I go so 
sports, thinking maybe I can 
admire my sensitive and pro 


mnedest 
ble of his. 
d he says. “I 


эц." 
He told me a 


n't funny to 


ological and non 
et him to 


or at least throw him some questic 
are a little more interesting than the 
traditional Southern sports groupie /jour- 
nalist fare 

"Are your players... uh. . . alraid of 
you?” (Cause I'm about to do а swan 
dive out this window, coach.) 

He sits up a little. 

“Afraid of me? Shit, heh-heh. I'm the 
best friend they got. Some haven't been 
around here much. They might be a 
liule reluctant. I dunno. But if some 
body's doin’ poorly, I'll come after 1 
But I dunno what they'd be afraid of 
me about.” 

One period in college history that has 
always fascinated me is the late S 
mi i 
radical bubble between the Fifties and 
the Seventies, but also because that's 


when I was ап undergrady 


es— 


was a transcendent 


aly because 


te. 1 wonder 
what it was like to be a football player 
then, when regimentation was so reac- 
tionary—when long hair and a taste for 
dope were de rigueur. 1 know that 
Bryant's worst years since coming to 
AL ma were 1969 and 1970. Is there. 


any connection? 


"I did a real poor job of recruiting 


d coaching,” he says. "Every you 


aster 
in America was goin’ through a rebel- 
lious period. Nobody wanted anybody to 
tell "im anything. I remember a boy sit 
tin’ right there an’ tellin’ me, ‘1 just 
wanna be like any other student.’ Well, 
shit. He can't be like any other student 
The players have to take pride in the 
fact t 


at football means that much to 


"еп. That's where the sacvificin’ comes 


in. That they are willin’ to do without 
doin’ some things. Without havin’ some 
things other students have, to be playin’ 
football, to win а championship.” 

"What was the campus attitude toward 
football at that time?” 

“I really don't know that much about 
what goes on over there [nodding toward 
the window]. 1 always tell ‘em they're the 


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best in the world, at pep rallies and all. 
Whether they said anything about me I 
don’t know. I was just doin’ a lousy job 
then.” 

"As an Alabaman, how do you feel 
about the image that your state has in 
the national eye, which is mainly a nega- 
tive or fearful опе 

He doesn't like that question. His eye- 
brows start knitting a sweater. 

“I dunno if that's true or not. I mav- 
eled all over the country. A large per- 
centage of Alabamans consider Ше 
Yankees their baseball team, or the Red 
Sox. The only difference I see is that it 
ain't as crowded down here, people 
aren't in such a hurry. I'm afraid of New 
York City. It ain't just what I heard, it’s 
what I seen. I dunno if we got as many 
thieves, crooks and murderers down here 
percentagewise, but, hell, it's so many of 
them in New York. I don't сагс to leave 
the hotel—alone or with money in my 
pocket.” 

"How about the football-dorm system? 
still under fire for separatism?” 

“Naw. About ten years ago, we were 
the first school to build one. They called 
it Alabama Hilton, Bryant Hilton. But 
everyone's built one since then.” 

s there any criticism because the 
players are segregated from the rest of 
the campus?” 

Well, a lot of coaches don’t do that, 
but I was brought up on it and we're 
gonna do it. If anyone rules against it, 
we won't, but I know that's one of 
the way 
the same roof together, fightin’ for the 
same thing. If you don’t see one another 
but occasionally, you have other inter- 
ests, you don't know what's goin’ on. 
And I can see "em over there, too. I like 
to sce ‘em. If one of them lives in an 
apartment and's sick for a week, his 
mother’s not even there. I want ‘em 
where I can find ‘em, look at ‘em. 

That's it. Bear doesn’t move, just gazes 
out the window. 1 don't move. I feel 
stuck, I don't know how to say goodbye. 
Task about Astroturf. About the coming 
A Day game. Bear says that he'd rather 
not even have it, but the alumni have 
things planned around it. 

Outside the office, he signs my copy of 
Bear. I say "Howdy-do" and split. 

. 

Later in the weck, I get a note from 
Bear via McNair that he wants to add 
Oral Roberts, Billy Graham, Arnold 
Palmer and Jack Nicklaus to his list of 
heroes—all American fat cats who made 
it through personal enterprise and 
charisma. 

McNair says he's never heard Bear 
mention Patton before and makes the 
analogy that in World War Two, to 
dic for Patton was an honor and that 
the coach is the only other person he 
knows of whom people fecl that way 
about. 


Is 


s that help us win. You live under 


Days later, I'm still smarting about 
that missed joke. I feel 1 understand 
something then about why this man is 
successful. There is something about 
him—about me in that moment when 1 
blew being an appreciative audience— 
that goes past embarrassment. 1 feel like 
I Jet him down. I feel like I could 
have pleased him by laughing, made him 
like me for a moment, could have broken 
through the interviewer-interviewee roles 
for a few seconds in a way that would 
have made me feel like a million bucks 
because it would have given him pleas- 
ure. There is something in Bear's sub- 
dued dignity, his cordial distance that 
got to me. He is a man of character. I 
could see myself having done Mexican 
tail spins during that interview to get 
his admiration or just his acknowledg- 
ment. And this was just a magazine 
assignment. If I were one of his five-year 
players, I could see myself doing 90 mph 
through a goal post to get a pat on the 
back. And, frankly, I can't define moti- 
vation, either, but whatever it is that he 
lays on his boys, I got a tiny ray of it 
myself. The man could literally crush 
you by letting you know you were a dis- 
appointment to him. Shit, maybe I've 
just seen too many John Wayne movies. 

I did go down to McNairs office, 

though, with the queasy fecling that I've 
blown it. Not the interview so much, but 
I'm left with the feeling that if Bryant 
had to go over Pork Chop Hill, I wouldn't 
be his first choice in the assault sq 
“I didn't understand a damn thing he 
id!" I half complain to McNair. 
Listen to this!" I play back Bears 
joke-anecdote for him and two other 
guys in the office. Instead of commiserat- 
ing, they are all on the floor, howling 
with laughter. 

“I never heard that one before!" says 
a trainer, wiping tears from his eyes. 

"Thats the funniest thing 1. ever 
heard!" says McNai 

“Yeah, well, I think you guys are a 
little funny, too,” I mutter. 

McNair translates the joke for me. 
Bear was recalling an old Kentucky-Ten- 
nessee game, a real “bloodletter.” During 
the half, a guy named Doc Rhodes (I can't 
figure out what his relation to the team 
was) went into the Kentucky locker room 
and delivered “the damnedest talk I 
evah heard." He had one big old boy 
just slobbering at the bit. The only prob- 
lem was that big old boy wasn't playing. 

In the last quarter of the game, Ten- 
nessce was down on the Kentucky 15 and 
the coach finally sent the big old boy in. 
He halfway onto the field; then he 
went running back to the side lines and 
said, “Coach, can Doc Rhodes talk at me 
again?” 

I guess you had to be there. 


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(continued from page 170) 


“Michael went back and inspected the damage Eva’s 
fusillade had caused. It was considerable.” 


PLAYBOY 


strangeness between them, the sense of 
their being two new persons facing each 
other, only intensified the longing. And 
that, above all, he could not tell her. 
When he walked her home and asked 
if he could go up with her, she said 
coldly, “I don't go in for one-night 
stands,” and they didn’t kiss good night 
nd neither of them inquired when they 
could see cach other again. 

After he left her, he went back to the 
hotel and had a whiskey. He knew that 
he couldn't sleep, though he had awak- 
ened early and had driven more than 300 
miles that day. The desire she had 
aroused in him had now become general, 
vengeful. Suddenly, heremembered Susan 
Hartley's number. She was home and did 
not sound surprised to hear from him. 
She gave him her address and he spent 
most of the night with her. She was a 
delicious girl, but he kept seeing his 
wife's face as she said, “I don't go in lor 
one-night stands.” 

He didn't stay in Susan's bed until 
morning. He went back to his hotel, got 

nto his own bed and slept fitfully and 

dreamed of his mother, which he had not 
done for many years. 
e. 

He awoke late, with a huge and sense- 
less erection, feeling bruised and as 
though he had a hangover, though he 
hadn't drunk all that much the night 
before. He called the hospital, but Heg- 
gener, he was told, was in X ray and 
could not be reached. 

He decided to go back to Green Hol- 
low. It was nearly midnight when he 
arrived at the cottage. When he got 
there, he saw a car he did not recognize 
parked, without lights, near the gate, He 
drove on a little farther and parked 
the Porsche deep in the shadow of 
embankment and walked quickly back to 
the gate, Keeping as quiet as he could, 
he went up toward the mansion, staying 
on the soft, wet side of the road, so that 
his footsteps were noiseless. Almost in- 
stinctively, as he came to the big house, 
he bent over to make himself as invisible 
as possible. There was no barking and 
he remembered that Eva had taken 
Bruno to the veterinarian. He could see 
a light in the big bedroom at the front of 
the house and then the beam of a flash- 
light in the little library that led off the 
living room. He saw two dark figures 
moving around in the library, where, he 
knew, there was Il wall safe. The 
front door was slightly ajar. He slipped 
into the dark hallway and then went into 

208 the living room and started fecling his 


way among the familiar pieces of furni- 
ture to the desk where the pistol was 
kept. There were footsteps on the sta 
case that led down to the hallway and 
then a sudden flare of light as the hall- 
way chandelier was switched on. He 
heard something being knocked over in 
the library and the crash of glass, then 
saw two figures running past the French 
windows that opened onto the porch. 

Stop!” he shouted. “Or I'll shoo 
He ran toward the desk and was feeling 
for the spring to open the drawer when 
a shot rang out from the hallway and he 
heard the whistle of the bullet as it passed 
over his head and smashed a window- 
pane. He dropped to the floor and 
screamed, “Stop! Stop!” Eva was stand- 
ing outlined in the doorway against the 
hall light. She fired again. He crawled 
behind a couch, yelling, "It's me, Eva, 
Michael.” She fired again and again, 
wildly, the bullets thudding into furni- 
ture and ricocheting off the walls. In a 
minute, she had used up all six cartridges 
in the revolver. Then he stood up and 
turned on a lamp. “For the love of God.” 
he shouted, "what do you think you're 
doing?" 

She wavered unsteadily on her feet, 
looked down at the pistol in her hand, 
then dropped it on the floor. "I heard 
noises. . .." 

You let them get aw: 
angrily. * 

“I heard noises, 

“Ivs OK," li 
now 
arms 


y," Michael said 
And you damn near killed m 
va repeated dully. 
said. “They're gone 
He went over to her and put hi 
round her. She was in a nightgown 
nd shivering. “There, Шеге. . . ." Не 
tried to comfort her. 

“This damned house,” she moaned. 
"Stuck away in the woods, I'm always 
alone when I need anybody. . .." But she 
didn't cry and she didn't sound. fright- 
ened, only angry. She declined Michael's 
offer to take her to the hotel for the 
night, so he offered to stay in the house in 
case she needed anything. 

t need anything,” she said and 
turned and went steadily up the stair 

When he heard the door of her room. 
slam, he bent and picked up the pistol. 
Jt was a small, pearl-handled revolver. 
Despite what Heggener believed, there 
was more than one weapon in the house 
and there easily could have been a death 
because of it, He pocketed the gun. Eva 
might have a dozen boxes of shells se- 
creted upstairs. 

He went into the library and turned 
on the light. Except for the broken wi 
dow through which the men had escaped 


and a table that they had knocked over 
in their flight, nothing seemed to have 
been touched. The painting hiding the 
wall safe was neatly in place. 

Michael went back into the living room 
and inspected the damage Eva's fusillade 
had caused. It was considerable. For a 
moment, he considered phoning the po- 
e, but that would mean keeping Eva 
up all night answering embarrassing 
questions about whom exactly she was 
shooting at. He decided not to call, and 
settled in an easy chair and tried to sleep. 

He was sure he hadn't slept at all, but. 
he was awakened by Eva, shaking him. 
He blinked up at her from the chair. 
The morning sunlight streamed in 
through the windows. Eva м dressed 
and her face was calm, “I have to leave 
now for Burlington to pick up Bruno. 
Thank you for being so vigilant in guard- 
ing my safety." Her tone was ironic, 
because she had had to shake him to 
wake him. 

He stood u 
go." he said, 


still groggy. “Before you 


I have to have a word with 


t was very simple,” calmly. 
als broke into my house and I 
routed them.” 

What I want to is, I don't think 
you ought to let the police in on it. Crim- 
inals ог no criminals, they won't 
kindly view of all that shooting. They'll 
badger you for weeks." 

"I would gladly have killed them,” she 
said calmly. 

“You damn near killed me.” 

“I thought you were still in New York. 
It was stupid of you not to let me know 
you were coming.” 
yelled my name ten times 
didn't hear you,” she said, staring 
hard into his eyes. She turned quickly 
and left the room, 

As Michael left the house and walked 
slowly down the graveled path toward his 
car, he wondered if despite the noise, she 
hadn't heard him calling his name after 
all. And he realized that she hadn't asked 
anything about his trip or about how her 
husband had taken it, He went out the 
gate and got his car and drove to the 
с. He reached in to take out his 
bag. He had his hand on the grip and 
was raising it, when he let it drop back. 


a 


Then he went into the cottage and 


packed the remainder of his belongings 
and put them in the car. If Eva Heggener 
was to be protected, she would have to 
find someone else to do the job. 
. 

Michael decided that he needed to get 
out of Green Hollow to settle his nerves. 

He went from one ski village to an- 
other, going up when the lifts opened in 
the morning and ending the day when 
they closed in the late afternoon. He 
skied in a snowstorm, in sleet, in powder, 
on ice, always at full speed, then, when 
night fell, got into the car and drove on 


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PLAYBOY 


210 


to the next village, where he would take 
а room at a motel, gulp dinner and fall 
into bed, exhausted. He avoided talking 
to anyone and lived in his ski clothes and 
took them off only when he went to bed. 
He slept without dreams, awoke early, 
barely looked to see what the weather 
was, went grimly to the mountain to ski, 
as though the mountain were his enemy, 
to be defeated only by speed and relent- 
less onslaught. He didn’t fall once in 
the whole week he spent on that purga- 
tive downhill voyage and when the week 
ended and he knew from calling the hos- 
pital that Heggener was expecting him to 
nd drive him back home the next 
, his body, at least, was singing and 
се was so burned and whipped by 
sun and wind that he looked like a lean 
and dangerous Indian brave, after a long 
and hazardous raid. 

He drove all night so that he could 
pick up Heggener early the next morn- 
ing. Heggener was waiting for him just 
inside the hospital entrance, looking a 
little pale because the tan had gone from 
his face in the seven days. 

"My God, Michael.” Heggener said 
when he saw him, “what have you done 
to yourself? You look absolutely gaunt.” 

“I took a little skiing holiday," Mi- 
chael said, as he stuffed. Heagener’s over- 
night bag in beside his piled luggage. 

“How was the snow in Green Hollow? 

“I dont know," Michael said. 


n in Stowe, Sugarbush, Mad River, 
Bromley, other places.” 
They got into the car and started off. 


“How was " Michael asked. "In 
there, I mean, 
ot so bad," said Heggener. “They 


believe I'm well on the road to recover 
He smiled. “But they want to see me 
again in a month.” He made a sound of 
ough of illness. How about 
п come to a decision about 


“Im afraid not, Andreas. I'll. need 

some more time, if you don't mind. If 

you can’t wait, please make other plans.” 
^I can wait," Hegpener said. 

They were on the open highway wind- 
ing north when Michael asked, “Did 
tell you what happened?” 

“1 haven't spoken to her," 
said quietly. 

She didn't call?" 

“No. I imagine she was busy. With 
Bruno coughing and all.” He permitted 
If а small smile. “What did hap- 


Неррепег 


“There was a burglary. Or, rather, an 
attempted burglary." Then he told Heg- 
gener the whole story. 

Good God,” Heggener said 
dling a gun! Where did she get i 
Michael said. “I 
little pearlhandled .22 thing. I have it 
Ш the police. No 
id Eva was in no 


va han- 


condition to answer questions by police- 
men.” 

“That was considerate of you, Mi- 
chael,” Heggener said softly. 

"ve moved out of the cottage and I'm 
not staying anywhere at the moment. 
But if you want me to hang around and 
ski with you, I'l check in at the Monad- 
nock.” 

Heggener considered that for a mo- 
ment. “I do want you to hang around 
and ski with me. I want it very much. I'm 
going to say thank you now and then not 
say it again.” His voice trembled as he 
talked and Michael made a point of 
keeping his eyes steadily on the road. 

. 

When they reached Green Hollow, 
Heggener surprised Michacl by saying, 
“Why don't we have dinner at The Chim- 
hey Corner to celebrate our homecom- 
ing? Do you know—I've never been there, 
п all the time Гуе been in this town. 
VH call the house and tell Eva that ГЇЇ 
be home around ten. I'd like to enjoy a 
liule quier dinner with you and since 
Eva doesn't know I'm coming, there 
won't be anything to eat in the house.” 

“Whatever you say. I'm starving,” Mi- 
chael said and drove up to The Chimney 
corner and parked. 

It was early. The restaurant was almost 
empty and Antoine had not yet come in. 

Michael had a drink at the bar while 
Heggener went to telephone. When 


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211 


PLAYBOY 


212 


Hepgener came back to the ba 
looked grave. 

“Anything wrong?” Michael asked. 

“Not really,” Heggener said. He 
dered a whiskey. “I talked to Hulda, Mi- 
raculously, she heard the ring of the 
telephone. Trouble must have improved 
her hearing.” 

“What trouble?” 

Heggener sipped at his whiskey before 
answering. “Eva's gone,” he said quietly. 
Кей and gone. With Brun 
Sone where? 

“Hulda doesn't know. She 
an envelope for me. 

"Well, then, the hell with dinner. 
Michael got off the barstool he was 
ting on. “ГИ drive you” 
Heggener pur а restraining hand on 

arm. “No hurry,” he said. “I invited 
you to dinner and I was looking forward 
to it. What's the best dish they have? 
And if you can prevail upon the head- 
waiter to bring the wine list, I'd like to 
order the best bottle of Bordeaux they 
have in their cella 

The dinner good and Heggener 
pronounced the wine excellent. He ate 
slowly and everything on his plate and 
then ordered coffee and brandy for both 
of them and a cigar for himself. He 
willed over the brandy and lit the 
ar with loving care. Looking at An- 


or- 


- giving away vacuum cleaners! 


dreas. s brandy and lolling 
comfortably k in his chair, no one, 
Michael thought, could possibly think 
that here was а man who knew he had 
a message waiting for him just 15 mi 
utes away that might, conceivably, alter 
the entire course of his life. 

As they were leaving the restaur: 
Heggener said, “It looks as though i 
going to be a fine day tomorrow. I would 
like to get back on skis. 
At whatever time you sa 
TIL call you in the mo 
gener said as they pulled up to the house. 

. 

Heggener called Mic 
nadnock at nine the nex 
chael,” he said, his voice “it is a 
fine day, as I thought it would be. The 
skiing should be perfect. Is ten o'clock 
too early for you?" 

ГП come а y 
No need. The Ford is in the garage. 
ГИ meet you at the lift at ten." 

Promptly on the hour, Michael saw the 
Ford drive up to the parking lot. Heg- 
gener got out and took his skis off the 
rack and carried them over his shoulder, 
swinging his poles jauntily as he came to 
the bottom of the lift. He looked fit and. 
straight, and as if he had spent a peaceful 
d comfortable night. 

On the chair lift going up. Heggener 


mori 


p, 


with evident relish. 
am finally getting the hospital smell out 
of my lungs." he said. “Oh, Eva's Mer- 
cedes arrived this morning. She kindly 
arranged to have it driven by a chauffeur 
from Kennedy." 
"Kennedy?" Michael said. 
ves, she has flown to Austri 
gener spoke offhandedly, 
porting that his wife had gone to Saks 
Fifth Avenue on a shopping expedition. 
"In the note she left me, she said she 
is not coming back here. If I want to 
see her, I must go to Austri 
“Are you going?” 
Heggener shrugged. "Perhaps when the 
season is over. Wives endure, snow melts.” 
But much later in the day, when, after 
hours of hard skiing, they were si 
in the lodge having tea, he said, “If I 
back to Austria, I am sure I will die. 
know that it must sound foolish to you, 
but Fm a superstitious man and when I 
am dying in my dreams, it is always 
somewhere in Ausu 


breathed deeph 


It was the last thing he said on the 
subject, They continued to ski every day 
when the weather was good and they 
played backgammon in the evenings for 
small stakes. They often went to The 
Chimney Corner for dinner. 

Late one night at the bar, Antoine 
said accusingly to Michael when they 
were alone, “So. When you were in New 
York, you saw Susan.’ 

“How do you know?" Michael asked. 
called her and she told me. And you 
did more than see hei 


and І called him. He remembered you 
and said you stayed almost a whole night. 
I hope you had a good time." 

“1 had a very good time,” Michael said 
angrily. “And it’s none of your business." 

“You are a disloyal friend and danger- 
ous to introduce to anyone,” Antoine said 
and got up from the bar and walked out. 

After that, whenever Michael went into 
the bar, he and Antoine merely nodded 
coldly to each other. 


. 

‘The weeks passed and the end of the 
E approached ce 
turned a skier’s deep ta med 


to glory, to Michael's profound relief, in 
his regained health. It was a good time, 
Michael felt, for himself as well as Heg- 
gener, peaceful and relaxed, with all 
problems held in abeyance and neither 
of them asking any questions about the 
future, 

Automatically, as soon as he got out 
of bed every morning, Michael looked tc 
see what the weather was, Today it was 
snowing hard, the snow driven in sheets 
by a northeast wind. He telephoned Heg 
gener and said, “No skiing today. Build 
a big fire and sit near it and read a good 
book. I'll do the same.” 

Michael read all moming, lying on his 


bed and feeling deliciously lazy. He had 
two drinks before lunch and a half bottle 
of wine as he ate. 

The drinks and the wine and the 
food made him sleepy and he him- 
self the luxury of a nap after lunch. 
When he awoke, it was dark 1 still 
snowing. He turned on the light and 
picked up the book and wa 
gin reading when the phone rang. It was 
Dave Cully. 
Heggener with you 

"No," Michael said. “Why?” 
call. Heggener’s Ford is 
in the parking lot by the slope. He went 
up at three-thirty this afternoon.” 

"Holy God! Alon 
Jone. I'm organizing a search party,” 
Cully said. 

When Michael got to the lift, Cully, 
two boys from the patrol and Dr. Baines 
were waiting for him. 
“The damn fool" 


Michael 
g in th 


said to 
h 


ft w 


“Ied jus about stopped snowing at 
three o'clock,” Cully said. “I guess he 
thought the storm was over.” 

“Did anybody see what run he took?” 

Cully shook his head. “There was hard- 
ly anybody else on the mountain. The 
lift was closed at four because it began to 
really come down again and the wind was 
beginning to blow up hard. 

At the top, they divided up. the two 
boys of the ski patrol with the sled going. 
down one run and Cully, Michael and 
ies going down another. Tl d 
slowly, their big flashlights searching the 
storm. It took them an hour and a half 
to get down the first run and the ski 
rol boys reached the bottom of the 
lift the same time they did. Neither party 
ad seen any sign of Неррепег. They 
went up again and again divided up, this 
time going down two different runs, 
stopping every minute or two to call out 
Heggener's name. From the other run, 
Michael could hear the voices of the two 
boys, faint through the trees, The shouts 
echoed in the darkness, but there were no 
swering cries. 

More than an hour later, they were all 
down at the bottom of the lift again. The 
storm was getting worse, the wind rising. 

It was torture, bitterly cold, going up 
now, inch by slow inch, and Cully and 
Michael sat hunched in grim silence, their 
gloved hands under their armpits to keep 
them from freezing. There was only one 
more slope they had not covered and 
when they got to the top, Cully 
Michael Did he ever do the 
Knight with you?” 

“Never,” Michael said. 

Now they all went down the 
Knight together, painfully slowly. They 
worked their way down to the turn in 
the forest and followed the trail past the 
boulder and then all the way down to the 
lift. They knew as the wind howled 


asked 
k 


through the cables that they couldn't go 
n that night. 

It was ten past one in the morning 
Heggener had been out in the cold since 
three-thirty the afternoon before. 

Outside, the wind rose higher and 
higher, shaking the windows in their 
frames. The wind began falling at dawr 
the light the color of steel coming in 
through the lifthouse windows. “OR, 
ler's go up now,” Cully said. “But it's still 
going to be slow 

They put on their boots, р: 
gloves and went out into the sudde 
still, steel-cold air, where they got into 
their skis, none of them saying anything, 
their aces grave. There was a thermome- 
ter on the outside wall of the lift house, 
but Michael refused to look at it. 

. 
Cully was the one who saw the handle 


nto the 


the middle of the trail. 
This way,” Cully shouted 
versed swiftly between the trees and knelt 
beside the snowdrift above which the 
pole was making its slow little circles. He 
ally with his hands as 
the others came up to him. In a moment, 
he had uncovered a gloved hand. grip- 
g the pole and moving. Michacl was 
ng, too, and felt something hard 
under the snow. Carefully, he removed 
handfuls of snow from whatever it was. 
It was the top of Heggener’s head, his 
blue wool balaclava helmet frozen stiff. A 


second later, as through a thin white 


veil, Heggener's face appeared. H 
moved, but there was no sound. 

“Thats all right, Andreas" Michael 
kept saying as he held Heggener's head 
while the others cleared the piled snow olf 
the stiff body, "everything s all right.” 


lips 


Now the others had the snow off him 
and Cully was feeding him little sips of 
hot coffee from the Thermos bottle he 
had in his pack and Michael could see by 
the position of Heggener's right foot that 
the leg was broken and that somehow 
Heggener had managed to get his sl 
off and to dig himself a hole in the snow. 

Roughly, tearing at Heggener's cement- 
Е clothes, Baines bared a patch of 
Heggener's skin and injected a shot of 
camphor, for the heart. Heggener groaned 
t his eyes, which had been staring 
kingly up into the limbs of the 
t had sheltered him. He groaned 
as they put him on the sled, his leg 
firstaid splints, and covered him with 
blankets. Then the ski-patrol boys took 
off down the slope with the sled, going 
ight down without making any turns, 
one in front between the shafts, the sec- 
ond boy behind, holding the ropes to 
brake the sled 

Michael waited behind while Baines 
put on his skis. “Unbelievable.” Baines 
kept shaking his head. "He's still alive.” 

At the bottom, Cully and the two boys 
put Heggener into the back of Cully’s 
station wagon. When he saw Michael, 
Heggener tried to smile and raised 
hand a few inches and waved his fing 
y. “Sorry, Michael,” he whispered. 
ibly sorry.” 


st 


исе tli 


"T y 
"Don't try to talk, Andreas,” Michael 


L 

Michael went over to the Porsche and 
wearily put his skis on the rack and got 
behind the wheel and sat there, for a 
minute, in silence, too tired to move, 
the motor coughed, caught on. Then, 
maneuvering very carefully, he drove to 
Baines's office 

Baines and his nurse and Cully had 
gotten Heggeners clothes off and Heg- 
gener was lying on a white operating 
table covered with a sheet and Baines had 


s 


- Let's swap wives.” 


213 


PLAYBOY 


214 


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given him a shot of morphine and was 
gently moving his ankle. Heggener was 
almost out, but when М 


murmured, "You were right, M 
that run was not for me." Then he 
dropped off to sleep. 

“He'll live,” Ba . "Fifteen min- 
utes more. . . ." He shook his head and 
did not finish the sentence. "I don't know 
how or why, but he'll live. 


s plastered оп Heggener's leg and 
Heggener was in a drugged sleep and the 
nurse had called for the ambulance from. 
ewburgh, the sum was high over the 
nountains and the sky was blue and the 
wind had shifted to the south and was 
soft against the skin, and there was the 
splash of running water as the snow melt- 
ed. Cully squinted up at the sky, took a 
deep breath, "Winters over," he said. 
"One more winter. I never know whether 
to mourn or celebrate.” 

"Celebr; Dav Michael said. “Cele- 


ED EDU hosp 
took me off the critical list.” 

He had been on the list for three days, 
but now the pain had almost di 
in the injured leg and 
were back to по 


warned by Baines not to 
ength u Now his color had 
returned he seemed comfortable, 
breathing deeply in the soft warm w 
with ity smell of spring. thar 
the cheerful, bright room through the 
wide-open window. 

It was Saturday morning and Michael 
had his jump suit and boots in the car, 
ready to go sky div noon, 


is morn- 
. "As though ye 
ng forward to a pleasant afternooi 

“I am,” Michael said. "Lm going to 
have а good lunch and then take a long 
walk through the woods." Somehow, he 
felt that it would be unwise to tell the 
man in the bed about the sky diving. Per- 

s after it was over. "Dr. Baines is very 


ed with you, too. 
‘or what?” 
D. Е 
Heggener chuckled. "Many people 
seem to manage it,” he said. 
“He said touch and go there for 


a while,” 1s 
had fallen asleep—" 

"I made a point of not falling asleep,” 
Heggener said. “I haven't been in the 
mountains all these many years for noth 
ing. When 1 found that I was able to 
crawl to the shelter of that tree and could 


1 seriously. “If you 


dig a hole for myself, I knew I had 
chance. I discovered I had no wish to di 
So I took the necessary steps to avoid do- 
ing so, like moving at all times and 
keeping my eyes open. You know, I heard 
you calling my name and tricd to call out 
to you, but the wind was making such a 
noise. I must admit. for a while after 
that, it was difficult for me to keep my 


What made you do it, Andreas? Go 
out alone, in bad weather, down that p 
icular slope? You knew how dangerous it 
didn't you? 
I knew it was dangerous," Meggener 
Imited. "But just how dangerous it w: 

going to turn out to be—no. I had r 
‘da cable that afternoon. From 
In it, she said that if I didn't come to 
‘Austria immediately, she was going to sue 
for divorce and marry someone she w: 
shed. "p couldn't 


g- Some ultimate test. Гуе 
wanted to do that run just one last time 
afternoon seemed like the most 


Are you going to Austria? 
“Perhaps if nothing had happened on 
IT ied down. 


n, I would. с 5] 
and gone home and packed my things 
and flown to Europe the next day." Heg- 
id, his voice just above а whisper, 
ng there, helpless, with the snow 
drifting over me, І made my dea 

There are some things in life—like 
itself—that you must make enormou 


heartbrea s to preserve. In 
this c what I was preserving was my- 
self. I will be desolate, perhaps, for a long 


time, without Eva, but I will be my own 
man un, I will be free 

i So," he 
said, smiling faintly, "a night out in the 
snow can help clear the mind and set 
things in their proper perspective. Well, 
Ive talked enough. I know how boring 
visits to a sickroom can be. Go and enjoy 
your lunch and your long walk in the 
woods." 

Michael leaned over the bed and k 
Heggene head. He left the hospi 

ing invigorated, young and glad to be 
ng breeze. 

He drove to the airfield. There were 
about 1000 people who had assembled to 
watch the exhibition. He saw that Wil- 
liams and the other men he was going to 
jump with were already talking in a little 
group out on the runway where the plane 
was standing. He reached back for hi 
jump suit and boots, then let them drop 
onto the back seat. He got out of the car 
d walked through the crowd toward 
Williams. 

“I have to 
id. “Alone. 
hat's up, Mike?” Wil 
"m not jumping,” 


ms asked. 
Michael said 


“Oh, Christ,” Wil You don't 
mean to say you're chickening out?” 
“That's exactly what I mean to 
Michael said. "I'm chickening out. I've 
given up jumping. Among other things.” 
Mike, you the last man in the 
world I'd've thought would do something 
like thi 


il a few minutes ago,” Michael 
id, “Га have thought the same thing. 
I ed a lesson this morning. It took 
some time to sink in, but I learned it.” 
He waved to the men around the plane 
d walked back through the crowd to 
the Porsche. He got in and drove back 
to the hospital. 

Heggener was having his lunch and 
looked up in surprise when he saw Mi 
chael enter the room. "Is anything 
wrong?" he asked, 100 

"Nothing fc" 

“I thought you were going to have 
lunch and go for a long walk.” 

That's exactly what I'm going to do," 
Michael said. "But I have a question to 
ask you first. 


g anxiou 


Is that job still open 
“Of course." 

"I want it,” Michael said. 

You've got it," Heggener said soberly. 
Michael went downstairs and called 


"Tracy collect, because he didn't have any 
change on him. He smiled when he heard 
Tracy's voice and heard the operator ask 


if she would take a collect call from a Mr. 
Storrs in Vermont. 
"Certa he heard Tracy 
"Go ahead, sir,” the оре 
You're connected.” 
Connected was the word for the morn: 
ing, Michael thought, as he said, “Hello, 
‘Tracy, how are you?" 
'm fine" Then she said worriedly, 
Are you all right? 
“Never better,” he said. "I want you to 
do something for me. I want you to drive 
up to Green Hollow as soon 3 
I'm planning to build a house here and 
since you'll be using it, at least on week- 
ends and holidays, I think you ought to 
be in on choosing the site. 

“Oh, Michael.” He heard her gasp. “Ts 
it going to work?" 

“IE it doesn’t, 
tremendous try. 

“What do I need up there?” 

“А warm and forgiving hear 

“Idiot.” He heard her laugh. “I mean 
clothes,” 
Whatever you have on at the moment 
will be perfect,” he said. “Aud thank you 
for paying for the call. I'll make it up to 
you somehow.” 

Then he went and had the lunch and 
the long walk in the sunny woods he had 
promised himself. 


ator said. 


s you са 


he said, “it will be onc 


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DESTROYED TELEVISION 


(continued from page 156) 


“That autumn, Silverman took a long, hard look at 


our country and made a fateful discovery. . . ^ 


> 


Bomba, the Jungle Boy. Don't laugh. In 
1962. several years out of Ohio State Uni. 
versity, Silver s working for WG 
TV, the fatcat independent station in 
Chicago. Then he was the third- or 
fourth-string program executive. Maybe 
because this chubby, aggressive Jewish 
id was a pain in the ass to his bland, 
WASPish WGN superiors, he was handed 
the dregs of the station's movie libr: 
and told to develop some ideas for thei 
use. His bosses probably figured that 
would keep Freddie occupied and out 
of their hair, but Silverman thumbed 
through the movie catalog and found a 
dog-eared package of Bomba, the Jungle 
Boy flicks. Suddenly, the idea bulb went 
on in his head. 

He slapped а flashy opening onto the 
jungle films and got the station to sched- 
ule them in weekly prime time under 


the umbrella title Zim Bomba. Chicago 
viewers took to Zim Bomba like flies to 
foul matter. Оп Tuesday nights, it of- 
ten beat two first-run network programs 
i udience ratings. Young Freddie 


purse ratings out of sow's- 
ar programing that brought him to the 
attention of the networks in rk. 
Within a few months, Silverman was out 
of Chicago and into CBS, where he soon 
invaded the Saturday-morning children's 
block with loud, violent cartoons featu 
i roes. Later he bec: 


ly parlaying 
his success into the vice-presidency of all 
CBS entertainment shows. 

But it wasn't until 1975 that the < 


lver- 


“Ah, it's a beautiful day to be 
alive, wise and horny.” 


n Era of network TV was officially 
born. That was the year he bailed out of 
CBS and into ABC, as chief programer 
vith the right to do whatever he pleased 
with a network's program schedule, un: 
fettered by corporate captains who occa 
sionally worried about things 
prestige and image. 

That autumn, Silverman took a lon 
d look at our country and made a 
ateful discovery: He recognized that 
millions of lazy, incompetent pare 
would gladly surrender the TV to thei 
kids all night—that an i 
ber of people seemed to be 
у sense of parental responsibility 
the programs that seeped into their liv- 
ing rooms. 

Being a good businessman, Silverman 
did what came naturally: He pandered. 
Under him, TV's reputation as “the 
electronic baby sitter" no longer wa 
a catch phrase. In three short years as 
ABC program chief, he created а sub. 
culture of boorish heroes and fantasy 
figures who became the favorites of 
youngsters everywhere. His number-one 
programing tenct was the notion that 
ignorance is amusing. Consequently, his 
brain children usually ran the intellec- 
tual gamut from A to B—from the braless 
wonders on Charlie's Angels to the dass- 
room morons on Welcome Back, Кой, 

D 

‘Tits ‘n’ zits. The combo paid off hand. 
somely, especially because the nation's 
ents nodded off and let their kids 
ol the TV dial all night. ABC 
quickly became "the sweathog networ 
the most exploitive outfit ever to oper- 
ate in what probably is America's most 
exploitive industry. More importantly. 
ABC leapfrogged from third place to the 
top of the Nielsen prime-time heap. 
partial laundry list of the cre: 
Silverman presided over 
ABC is a tribute to the Р. T. Barnum 
philosophy about the birth rate of suck 
Three's Company, Char- 


Angels, Happy Days, Laverne 
Shirley. Soap, Starsky & Hutch, 
VegaS. Welcome Back, Kolter, The 


Ropers, What's Happening, Donny and 
Marie, Carter Country, Operation Pet- 
ticoat, The Love Boat, Fantasy Island, 
Hardy Boys Mysteries and Battlestar 
Galactica, among others. 

Because of Silverman's astounding 

Nielsen success. selling this shallow. 
re to the public, the compe 
nto the act. CBS and NBC. 
ke up lost ground, carbon 
copied many of his inventions. And TV 
sank even lower. 

CBS program chief Bud Grant came 
up with a contemporary rip-off of Happy 
Days called Busting Loose. In response 
to Silverman’s cheesecake success, Grant 
gave us Wonder Woman, The American 
Girls and Flying High. At NBC, program 
boss Marvi ntonowsky bowdlerized 
Fay, a sophisticated comedy, into another 


piece of yuk-yuk sausage. He then can- 
celed the series after less than a month. 
Lee Grant, the star of the show, soon 
popped up on Johnny Carson's Tonight 
Show and verbally excoriated Antonow- 
sky in front of a nationwide viewing 
audience. She also gave him the finger 
and christened him The Mad Program- 
er, a nickname that has stuck 

Shortly after the Fay blowup, Anto- 
nowsky resigned. His replacement, Paul 
Klein, also joined in the follow-Freddie 
game. Klein switched The Black Sheep 
Squadron from a World War Two saga 
to a shallow tits^n'ass extravaganza by 
introducing a quartet of large-breasted 
Marine nurses known as Pappy's Lambs. 
He put them directly opposite Charlie's 
Angels on Wednesday night. Declared 
Klein: “If ABC is doing kiddie porn, 
NBC will give the audience adult porn.” 
А few months later, Klein premiered a 
show called Rollergirls, which featured a 
whole team of amazons on roller skates. 
And Klein's NBC movies and miniseries 
weren't much classier, dominated as they 
were by such sex sleaze as 79 Park Ave- 
nuc and Aspen. 

Some people, including the cave 
dwellers who run the national P.T.A., 
refer to these programs as "sex on TV." 
But that’s a tragic misuse of the lan- 
guage. In fact, complains Nick Johnson, 
media reformer and onetime maverick 
voice of the Federal Communications 
Commission, these shows are “cheap, 
al and stereotyped, and 

e to real life.” 

The main ingredient of the cheesecake 
shows is a juvenile fascination with big 
i ses, corny innuendo and 
such. physical functions as going to the 
bathroom. On Three's Company, for in- 
stance, huge guffaws invariably greet the 
mere mention of a toilet. Despite at- 
tempts by network execs to call these 
programs “mature and adult," they are 
actually less sophisticated and often 
more childish than the average Satur- 
day-morning cartoon. 

Network TV's skin parade has nothing 
to do with “permissiveness.” Indeed, the 
tube isn't nearly permissive enough. A 
truly permissive and enlightened me 
um wouldn't shy away from sex 
serious topic for dramatic and comedy 
shows. Sex is vitally important to a wide 
range of our society—from teens through 
the elderly, Yet television almost never 
treats sex openly, intelligently or sensi- 
tive It doesn't enrich our sexual 
knowledge. It doesn't blast away sexual 
misconceptions. It fails miserably to 
minate an area that affects a big portion 
of our everyday lives. 

Instead, TV tiptoes around sex. It 
makes leering, self-conscious wisecracks 
about it. The result may attract plenty 
of panting youngsters, but it's pissing off 
discerning adults. “Television ought to 
give us profound and sensitive stories 
about extramarital sex, abortion, teenage 


a 


JACK NEWTON DANIEL made whiskey 
in 1866 by a method called charcoal leaching. 
We say charcoal mellowing today. 


Whatever you call it, you start with hard maple 
from the Tennessee uplands and burn it to char. 
You grind this charcoal to the size of small 
peas and tamp it tight in vats. Then you trickle 
whiskey down through the vats to mellow its 
taste. Around 1945 we : 

changed the name of thís 
method from leaching to 
mellowing. lt seemed a 
better way of describing it. 
But that’s the only part 
of Mr. Jack’s process that 


needed improving. 


CHARCOAL 
MELLOWED 


Tennessee Whiskey = 90 Proof • Distilled and Bottled by Jack Daniel Distillery 
Lem Motlow, Prop., Inc., Lynchburg (Pop. 361), Tennessee 37352 
Placed in the National Register of Historic Places by the United States Government. 


217 


218 


TUNING IN ON THE NEW TV TECHNOLOGY 


By JIM HARWOOD satellites? superstations? video discs? if those ideas are 
coming across a bit fuzzy, here's the crash course you need to clear up the picture 


The vocabulary of today 
wal revolution rests heavily on 
ferrite polar pat- 
shims and polystyrene shells 


terns, 
But one need not understand the 


specifics, just the basics, to get a 
grasp on the new video revolution. 
The following ought to clear up some 
of the confusion. 


CABLE TELEVISION 


As the name suggests. cable TV 
brings the signal into the home set via 
a wire instead of over the air 

That used to be a big help to the 
networks, which turned to cable in 
order to reach outol-theway arcas. 
But now cable's flex: ty has become 
a real threat to the big guys. 

The cable operator gets his signals 
from three primary sources: Using 
his own large sophisticated antenna, 
he can receive the same pictures 
beamed through the air by the local 
TV station and retransmit them by 
wire; with a ground-station ish," 
he can receive signals from a satellite 
high overhead and retransmit them; 
and he can generate signals in his 
own studio and transmit them. 

In addition to a better signal, cable. 
provides more channels (some 12 to 
40, compared with fewer than a dozen 
for regular TV). Currently, about 20 
percent of the nation’s population is 
hooked up to some 4000 cable systems, 
paying seven to ten doll. month 
Tor the basic service of relayed com- 
mercial TV and cable's programing. 

Although there are many systems, 
and subscriptions are increasing 
the rate of ten percent annually, serv- 
ce is still spotty. Even in New York 
Gity and Los Angeles, for example, 
cable is available in only certain 
areas. And such major cit 
capo, Boston, Pittsburgh, St. Louis 
and Minneapolis are just getting their 
systems geared to go. The major in- 
hibition is the cost 
per mile—of laying cable in cities. 


PAY TELEVISION 


For an extra eight dollars or so per 
month, the cable subscriber can buy 
an additional channel carrying pro- 
grams not able on commer 
TV. In addition to films, several pack- 
agers of programs for cable—Home 
Box Office, Showtime and Hollywood 
Home Theater, for example—are of- 
fering sports events, nightclub shows, 


uncut comedy acts and various specials, 
none available on free TV, 

Pay TV isn't necessarily chained to ca- 
ble systems, however. In Los Angeles 
and elsewhere, over-the-air pay TV has 
recently been introduced, offering the 
me kinds of programs, Technically, 
those operations broadcast a scrambled 
signal on a conventional channel and 


the customer rents a decoder for about 
SATELLITES 
Traveling through the air, a TV sign 


weakens quickly over relatively short dis- 
tances and is casily wipped up by obsta- 
cles such as buildings and bridges. Even 
the best TV signal loses strength after 
about 100 miles, and most won't it 
that far. 
A satellite, however, is essentially a 
broadcast-signal reflector with the 
tage of extreme height, so it can scatter 
its messages over the whole nation. From 
a ground point, the TV signal is beamed 
up to the satellite and reflected back 
down to earth stations equipped to re- 
ceive it. 

In 1975, RCA launched its first Satcom 
satellite, able to carry 24 channels of 
programing at once. At first, only two 
cable systems were equipped to receive 
its signals, but that had boomed by early 
1979 to more than 1500 systems, with a 
long waiting list. To keep up with de- 
mand. RCA will launch another TV- 
signal satellite by the end of this year—a 
year sooner than originally planned. 

Once equipped for satellite recepi 
the cable system is no longer dependent 
on local stations in its area for free TV 
to retransmit along its wire. Just as easi- 
ly, the cable system can pull in а signal 
from thousands of miles away. 

Among the most  interesting—and 
controve suppliers of satellite pro- 
grams are the "superstations," local 
non-network broadcasters whose signals 
(programs) are put on the bird above 
and sold around the country 

Superstations were born when feisty 
sportsman Ted Turner, owner of the 
ndependent station WTCG in At- 
ad the notion that many of the 
nation’s cable systems might be happy to 
have an extra channel of sports, movies 
and reruns—his own, in fact—it he 
could just reach them. And much to 
everyone's initial amusement, he ar- 
ranged to buy time on the RCA Satcom 
satellit 

In 1976, he started selling his shows to 


n, 


cable systems and suddenly WTCG be- 
came a superstation. Growing rapidly, it 
is now delivering programing to more 
than 4,000,000 ble homes across th. 


€ gotten into the act. 

Alter paying a [ec based on the num- 
ber of subscribers, the cable systems can 
use whatever portion of the superstation 
programs they want to. Some stations 
provide the signals voluntarily, but the 
tion operators can also pick off 
ls from ions that don't want 
their programs relayed. That is legal, ac- 
to the FCG and the Copyright 
Act, but the broadcasters insist their sig- 
nals are being stolen and are fighting 
back in Congress and the courts. 


HOME VIDEO RECORDERS 


In essence, the home video-tape re- 
corder does for pictures what the tape 
recorder has long done for sound—it just 
ting the clectronic 
g through the set onto a 
reel of magnetic tape in a cassette. The 
speci ео recorder, 
however, is that it can make a copy of 
one program while the viewer is actually 
watching another. Or, with a timer, it 
can copy programs while nobody is at 
home to watch. And, of course, it can 
play tapes recorded on other machines. 

Sony Corporation introduced the first 
home recorders into the U.S. in 1970, 
but those were bulky, expensive devices 
not well received by the general publi 
It wasn't until 1976 that Sony offered a 
compact recorder, the Betamax, for about 
1200. Since that breakthrough, some 15 
competing recorders have entered the 
market and prices are dropping fast, with 
the Betamax now down to about $8: 


VIDEO-DISC PLAYERS. 


Although often confused with the 
Betamax and other home tape machines, 
the video disc totally different cat. 
Most importantly, it can't copy anything. 


Its programs are available on а 12inch 
disc that looks much like a phonograph 
record. Each side contains 


1 to one picture 


As the disc spins, an optical stylus 
g a laser beam retrieves the informa- 
n and transmits it to the TV screen, 
In addition to its superior picture, the 
video disc offers two extremely high- 
fidelity sound tracks, allowing for stereo 
sound and other uses such as a movie 
in two languages. Since nothing ever 


touches the surface of the disc, it 
never wears out. 

‘The only video disc currently ау: 
able to a small sample of the public 
the Magnavision Optical Videodisc 
Player, developed by Magnavox and 
MCA, Inc. To lure public interest in 
the video disc, MCA (which owns mas- 
© Universal Pictures and Universal- 
TY) prepared more than 200 titles 
of programing on discs before the 
machine even reached the market 
Selling for $775, the video disc was in- 
troduced into stores in Atlanta and 
Seattle last year and should be fully 
available across the country by the 
beginning of next year. Several com- 
peting video-disc players have not yet 
reached the market. 


GAMES 


While television, cable, pay TV, 
video copiers and video discs have all 
been developed to put litional 
kinds of entertainment on the home 
screen, manufacturers of games and 
computers have recently begun to pay 
attention to the tube as well. 

"The games themselves are essential- 
ly semicomputers, programed to re- 
spond to given situations. They range 
from the simplest $20 Pong units with 
rudimentary controls and only a cou- 
ple of games to sophisticated combat 
and card games for which the basic 
player costs about $200 and each іп. 
dividual game cassette about $20. 


TELEVISION 


Let's finish at the beginning—with 
television itself. TV is strictly a one- 
way operation: The camera catches 
ght waves and changes them to а 
signal beamed through the 
it encounters a TV set 
changing the signal back into light 
waves for your eyes. Although we 
loosely call everything seen on the 
home set television, the term should 
be reserved for images that come 
through the —an important dis- 
tinction to remember for the future. 

Unfortunately, all of the fancy 
gadgetry available today still ends up 
cracker box of a TV set whose 
innards haven't changed 
much since the pioneer days. 

Compared with what it could be, 
the signal reaching your set is like a 
book with some words missing on 
every page. The set you buy is built 
to receive the signal the networks 
send. But if you had a set that could 
receive more information—and son 
body to send it—you could have a т 
ceiver with a picture equal to the 
finest theatrical screen and sound to 
match the best stereo systems on the 
market. 

And someday you will. 


pregnancy, vasectomy and the emotional 
differences between men and women,” 
says Johnson. “But the che: 
alized stuff they're now doing is a dis- 
grace—and it could result in an opposite 
reaction against any sort of responsible 
depiction of sex. 


. 
Even in the midst of the whirlwind 
Nielsen success he was enjoying at ABC, 
verman wasn't satisfied. One of his 
new programs, the genteel, slightly 
sophisticated Tony Randall Show, was 
doing nicely in the ratings, but not as 
well as Happy Days or Laverne & Shir- 
ley. Silverman figured the program's 
quietude and gentility were at the root 
of its "lagging" numbers. "So," recalls 
Randall producer/director Tom Patch- 
cu, “Silverman told us to add a 
type character to the show. He said 
would provide a lifestyle to conflict with 
that of Randall's strait-laced judge char- 
acter.” Patchett and his partner, 
Tarses, refused to inject any gre: 
stuff into the show. In response, Silver- 
man canceled 
CBS stepped in and rescued Randall, 
but the philosophical signals from that 
network soon became more egregious 
than those of Silverm: А CBS exec- 
utive told my head writer that he ought 
to put more tits and ass into the show,” 
Randall says. “I swear to you it's true, 
The suggestion was inept, tasteless, venal 
and stupid. I'm bitter and resentful and 
1 won't do any more TV shows. The 
networks have determined that children 
control the TV set and the r the 
family simply watches what the kids 
choose. So they turn their programs into 
pap. in order to appeal to these young- 
sters. They're ruining a great business. 
Despite their singular failure in du- 
plicating the success of the Silverman 
formula of cheesecake and teenage 
punks, the program chiefs at CBS and 
NBC continued the monkey-see, monkey 
sides thoroughly horsing 
up TV for discriminating viewers, these 
cowardly clones also began to ignore the 
real art of programing in favor of the sci- 
ences of schedule juggling, counter- 
programing and marketing. The network 
honchos, Silverman included. lost sigh 


of what they were doing. Instead of 
programing for us, they programed 

ainst one another. In their compet- 
itive frenzy, they switched their most 


popular programs from night to night, 
auempting to knock off the heavily 
publ iere of a rival prog 
Happy Days became ABC's favorite 
weapon against tough. newcomers, while 
M*A*S*H aud All in the Family turned 
the same trick for CBS. They also fre- 
quently pre-empted regular programs to 
present specials, often with little or no 
dvance warning to viewers. 

New programs, in particular, took it 
in the neck. If a rookie series couldn't 


draw a 30 percent share of the viewers 
within its first three weeks on the air, it 
nearly always got canceled. Some shows, 
such as Coed Fever on CBS, got scrapped 
before they even got scheduled because 
they did poorly in the “sneak previews 
preceding their official premieres. 

This quick-kill factor—coupled with 
the sudden overload of specials, mini- 
series and movies that pre-empted regular 
weekly programs—confused many view- 
ers, causing some to turn off their TVs 


in exasperation. "For the first time, 
declared former CBS program chief Mike 
Dann in 1977, "the American viewer 


cannot be sure what's on any of the 
three networks on a given night. 

As for marketing, Silverman agai 
blazed the path. Some of his associates 
now insist that he spent more time 
supervising the promos, which ran from 
three to 30 seconds, than developing the 
programs themselves. Whether that's true 
or not, lverman certainly elevated. 
the promo to an exalted position in net- 
workdom. By excerpting a quick gag 
ine and a hysterical laugh track and 
laying in a breathless voiceover an- 
nouncer ("Tonight! The Fonz and Pinky 
shock the neighborhood!"), Silverman 
found that he could excite the young- 
sters in the audience into watching just 
about anything, as long as the promos 
triggered the same childish instincts that 
had made his CBS Saturday-morning 
schedule such a hit decade earl 
Silverman even persuaded his superiors 
to wipe out some commercial ja- 
bilities so that he could squeeze in more 
promos. The ABG hype grew relentless 
in prime time, and the human copying 
machines at CBS and NBC followed s 

But Silverman is nothing if not imag- 
inative. Several times nightly, usually 
alter a commercial break in the middle 
of an ABC sitcom, he would beam a one- 
and-a-half-second flash of the ABC logo, 
bathed in a blue-and-gold huc. The 
almost subli al effect was to slam into 
the minds of viewers the fact that they 
were watching ABC. Like it or not, that 
quickie burst of the corporate symbol— 
night after night after night—ingrained 
into the consciousness of 
millions of viewers. It left no doubt as 
to where their ance should lie. 

. 
verman Era also ushered TV 
ming totally into the world of 
Researchthink. Although Freddie some- 
mes developed ideas strictly in his gu 
he usually waited for the reaction of test 
audiences at places such as Preview 
House, an ugly marble building on 5 
set Boulevard in Hollywood. If the pro 
posed program tested well with the 
crowd of guinea pigs, the project went 
full speed ahead. If it did poorly, it 
sually died. Silverman's counterparts ас 
the other networks—Grant and Klein, 
in particular—relied even more slavishly 


The 


219 


PLAYBOY 


on the results of the Preview House type 
of research. 

At Pr w House, about half the 400 
nightly attendees sit in seats equipped 
with rheostat dials that can be operated 
at the twist of a finger. The dial settings 
range from "very good" to “very dull." 
The audience is instructed to dial “very 
good" if they like what they're seeing: if 
it's a bummer, they're to dial “very dull.” 
The other half of the crowd is wired. 
ith electrodes attached to the finger 
tips. These i sensors sup. 
posedly an the audience's visceral 
or emotional reactions. All the rheostat 
dials and electrodes are linked to a 
master control panel, where techi 
monitor the blips on an oscilloscope, the 
numerals on a meter and a moving paper 
graph that tracks the audiences pe 
of appreciation and valleys of discontent. 
(Jokes. fights and car chases generally 
keep the needle high: soft humor or 
dramatic character. development force 
the needle down.) 

As ridiculous as it may seem, and as 
ientifically invalid as it might be, 
joints like Preview House are responsible 
for approving or condemning between 
80 and 90 percent of the programs being 
considered for network prime time. It's 
a source of terrific frustration for many 
producers and screenwriters, who see 
their futurcs subjected to the whims of a 
few hundred people in a theater. 

"These ly normal people, 
says George Schlatter, the free spirit 


who invented Laugh-In, among other 
comedy: “These characters 
hang Preview Hou: 


hoping to get inside so they can look at 
a show and hold a dial in th lap. 
Right away you know theyre question- 
able. There's not a whole lotta people 
who sit at home and watch TV with a 
dial in their 

Before the Preview House audiences 
get to view the actual programs, they're 
subjected to an ancient Mr. Magoo 
cartoon, played as а "control" to ensure 
that the test audience is "пог The 
ing is that if an audience laughs 
at other shows as much as it laughs at 
Magoo, then it's just abnormally respon- 
i dy writer Susan Harris ex 
Magoo usually winds up 
with between 7.6 and 8.2 on the graph. 
If any program tests as high as Magoo, 
they throw it out and start all over with 
а new audience. On the night I was 
there, 300 adults were watching this 
cartoon and roaring in the aisles.” 

By keying the audience to a lowbrow 
cartoon, the network bosses grease the 
way for a favorable reaction to similar 
juvenile comedies, or to slam-bang, raz- 
zle-dazzle dramatic shows. On the other 
hand, a comedy of quiet distinction or 
an intelligent character drama stands 
litle chance of approval. Once you 


220 prime a crowd for pratfally and gim- 


micks, you've set а mood that augurs 
against mental stimulation. 

And that’s what has happened with 
network TV. Si 1975. Fred 
Silverman and the copycats who followed 
his every move have dealt a bitter blow to 
the art of programing. Wl 
quickly became much less 


important 
than how he said it. The unsophisticated, 


juvenile pap, the cheesecake, the con- 
stant program shuffling, the heavy accent 
on promos and marketing techniques 
and the reliance on bizarre places such 
s Preview House to determine what gets 
on the air—all of those factors have re- 
duced the princ-time-T V landscape to a 
visual and sonic slum. 

E 

ddie's at NBC, where 
he's president of the entire company, his 
tude hasn't changed one iota. Alter a 
brief impersonation of a broadcast states- 
man—during which he vowed to bring us 
some quality television—he traded in his 
ill-fitting three-piece pinstripes for the 
Bermuda shorts and bowling shirt that 
more accurately represent his social phi- 
losophy, The man has the taste of a 
schmo, and demonstrates it with pro- 
grams such as Diffrent Strokes, Hello, 
Larry, Kate Columbo and BJ and the 
Bear. 

But times are tough for Silverman at 
NBC. As the chief of a that 
could soon become el 
disaster relief, he's 
fighting himsel{—literally, With ABC sull 
chock-full of hit programs he developed, 
Freddie's finding that his own act is hard. 
to follow, es; Пу because the АВС 
execs who filled his shoes have learned 
his tactics well. And as each new NBC 
program bombs against entrenched ABC 
competition, Silverman cancels it in a 
desperate effort to forge a new wi 
formula. The $20,000,000 failu 
Supertrain, for instance, triggered а re- 
birth of the Edsel jokes that were such 
a rage in 1958. 

Worse yet, Silverman gets mercilessly 
lampooned on his own network by John- 
ny Carson, as well as by Dan Aykroyd 
and John Belushi from Saturday Night 
Live. With a 1978 profit plummet of 
20 percent, Silverman is preparing for 
an even worse bottom line in ‘79, And 
as the basement network in the Nielsen 
nighttime audience measurements, NBC 
now is the third place to which producers 
bring their programs, after ABC and 
CBS. 

But no matter who's on top, it appears 
that the whole idea of a rating w 
soon become moot, because the 
are catching on that the networks are 
shooting blanks. In addition to viewer 
anger about the feast-or-famine madness 
that foists mostly bush-league entertain- 
ment on us for nine months of the year 
and then pits one decent show against 
during the crucial audience 


And now that Fi 


view 


another 


measurement months of Е 
and November—a practice that 
its zenith last February 11, when, in the 
same time slot, CBS tclecast Gone with 
the Wind, NBC aired One Flew Over 
the Cuckoo's Nest and ABC presented а 
surprisingly good biography of El 
Presley—the audience is voicing a grow 
ing resentment of the methods employed 
by Nielsen to measure our viewing. 
Nielsen. places its audimeters (those 
black boxes attached to T V sets) in "typi- 
cal TV households"—that is, homes in 
which the family watches a ton of TV. 
Audimeters record a minute-by-minute 
account of what's being watched. Nielsen 
denics it, but network insiders say that if 
a Nielsen household registers relatively 
light viewing for a few months, the black 
box is quickly removed from that home 
and placed where TV viewing is 
epidem Therefore, the TV networks 
enjoy artificially high audience ratings, 
and those families that watch TV selec 
tively have little impact on the numbers. 
One stimulating program that appar- 
ently suffered from this system is The 
Paper Chase, canceled last spring by CBS. 
"My impression is that we had a very sub- 
stantial audience on this show," declares 
John Houseman, the renais 
who starred. "Bur it wasn't neces: 
the typical television audience—the 
people who watch TV six hours a day, 
1 think there were a lot of people who, 
let's say, watched the evening news and 
then our show and then nothing else. 
And those people don't get measured by 
‘They put those litle black boxes. 
y in houses where the family watched 
a lot of TV. So when you have a show 
like о with a substantial audience 
that isn't part of that six-houra-day 
audience, it simply doesn't show up in 
the Nielsens at all. 
But the beat goes on. And it doesn't 
really matter now whether Fred Silve 
man is top banana or cellar dweller at 
NBC, the damage has been done across 
the board: Its now normal for TV to 
insult our intelligence, to appeal to our 
basest, cruclest instincts. That's why an 
increasing number of Ame have 
begun to reject the tube they've lived 
with for so long—its like a marriage 
gone bad. 
And as with all marriages, there are 
. It seems like an eternity, but 
t very long ago that Satur- 
day night was the home of TV's golden 
age of comedy. CBS had put together the 
most soul-satisfying three-hour comedy 
block in history, and millions of us would. 
stay at home on Saturday nights just to 
watch that murderers’ row ol All in the 
Family, M*A*S*H and the Mary Tyler 
Moore, Bob Newhart and Carol Burnett 
shows. They were witty, sophisticated, 
humanistic and nearly always magnifi- 
cently acted, They actually made you 
feel good about television. 


Today, Saturday night is the loneliest 
night of the week for a discerning viewer. 
Archie Bunker has moved to Sundays, 
Hawkeye Pierce to Mondays and Mary 
Richards and Bob Hartley have vanished 
(except for rerun heaven). In their places 
are CHiPs, BJ and the Bear, The 
Ropers, Angie, Bad News Bears, The 
Love Boat and several others. Because 
of the take-over of the Saturday airwaves 
by juvenile programs, the thoughtful 
viewer no longer has much reason to 
bother with TV on that day. 

But the Saturday-night situation is 
simply an exaggeration of what's ruining 
television throughout the weekly sched- 
ule. Incidentally, in the face of TV's 
drift deeper and deeper into the adoles- 
cent fog, it’s important to remember that 
its the networks—not necessarily the 
Hollywood creative community of pro- 
ducers, writers and directors—who are 
ruining the medium. Great ideas do get 
proposed from time to time, but the 
average network executive has the back- 
bone of a squid; and if it comes down to 
a choice between doing what's right and 
what's corporately expedient, you can 
bet that integrity will be runner-up. 

e. 


Fortunately, the fatuousness, the petty 
fraud, the audience manipulation, the 
stultifying censorship and the social in- 
decency that network television frequent- 
ly stands for are no longer getting a 
free pass from the American public. The 
people have realized for quite a while 
that they've been getting the shaft, but 
for years they couldn't do anything about 
their hatreds, frustrations and grievances. 
It was either keep eating it up or shut it 
off, and for most folks, TV ply too. 
irresistible a creation to turn away from. 
But now—thanks to cable, pay, home 
video tape and theother new TV technol- 
ogies—the people have gained a weapon 
with which to fight back. In the next five 
or six years, it’s entirely possible that 
network TV's audience ratings could 
drop by 25 percent or more. By 1985 or 
so, the American pcople still will be 
watching a lot of television; they simply 
won't be devoting so much of that view- 
ing to the giant networks, 

Norman Lear, the brilliant producer 
who gave us All in the Family, Mary 
Hartman, Mary Hartman and America 
2Night, may have obliquely put his finger 
on the coming crunch for network TV 
when he said, "I'd say television is no 
more guilty of harming our society than, 
say, General Motors or Standard Oil. 

The crucial difference is that the 
people can't make much of a dent in 
С.М. or Standard. But with the new 
video technology continuing to grow and 
prosper, the public finally is capable of 
delivering some nasty blows to the solar 
plexus of the TV industry. The revolu- 
tion is here. Don't bet against it. 


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(continued from page 133) 
farthest district to which she could walk 
on foot—she had often pressed her nos 
against the plate-glass windows of a huge 
Konditorei, a pastry shop. She opened 
the door, smiled and applied for a job. 
The boss took one look and hired her. 
Ursula behind the counter soon became 

hborhood attraction. "Never had 
there been so many young men in here 
to buy sweets," the owner told us. The 
young man who had the sweetest tooth 
became her first beau. 

"Things then began to move faster for 
Ursula. One balmy evening, sitting, ap- 
propriately enough, at the Nymphenburg 
Palace beer garden with her boyfriend, 
she caught the eye of a German PLAYBOY 
editor, who approached her. "Was Ist 
ein Playmate?" Ursula asked. When told, 
she didn't object to posing; after all, she 
had often taken the other children swim- 
ming in the nude by the meadows along 
the river. So Weissbrich was called in for 
the shooting. 

By lucky coincidence, German televi- 
sion had just scheduled a documentary 
on The Making of a Playmate. The tele- 
cast, a few weeks after publication of 
Ursula’s gatefold in rrAvsov's German 
edition, unreeled before a nationwide 
audience. Its echo brought on photogra- 
phers from illustrated periodicals, the 
fashion magazines, advertising agencies 
and movie producers. 

Her first movie role was a small part in 
a local trifle called Popcorn and Ice 
Cream; that brought her the lead in 
Cola, Candy, Chocolate, in which she 
danced and sang. That was followed by 
arole—cut, unhappily, from the film's fi- 
nal version—in Sidney Sheldon's Blood- 
line and one in a French movie by 
director Мах Pecas. Next she'll be work- 
ing on a German TV serial opposite 
veteran actor Walter Giller, in a Mar- 
cello Mastroianni-Nastassja Kinski type 
of older man-younger woman situation 
(a la Stay as You Are, featured in the 
August PLAYBOY). 

To date, modeling and film assign- 
ments have taken the girl who three 
years ago couldn't afford trolley fare to 
such places as Paris, Rome, Chicago, 
Kenya, Hong Kong, the Philippines and 
Mauritius. "By next year, I shall prob- 
ably have run out of continents" she 
says with a mischievous smile. 

Will she become another Nastassja 
Kinski? Ursula smiles enigmatically. “Suc- 
cess seems to come so easy, but there is 
no guarantee that it might last." Not 
that she much cares. “What I really want 
is to give and to receive affection. That 
is a ticket even better than the trolley 
fare J now can easily afford. And the end 
is out of sight. . . ." 


“You certainly have the gift of tongues, Madame Lachaise.” 


Bald Eagles once soared above America by the tens of 
thousands. Today, fewer than 1100 breeding pairs survive 
south of Canada. For a free booklet on how to help save this 


extraordinary bird, write Eagle Rare, Box 123, New York, N.Y. 10022. 


м, 


is incomparable. 
The very finest Ken 


testing prod 


and mello; 


BUNNIES OF 379 


(continued from page 165) 

Checking out the Bunnies back home, 
we found a profusion of talented cotton- 
tails with interests as disparate as law 
school and Charlie’s Angels. As а matter 
of fact, we've been harboring quite a 
few Bunnies in sheepskin. Chicago's 
Maynell Thomas, a February graduate of 
DePaul University law school, is now 
working for a Los Angeles legal firm that 
specializes in the entertainment industry. 
L.A.s Kat Flores, who already has an 
undergraduate degree in criminology, 
started law school this fall. Meanwhile, 
Dallas Bunny Karen Criswell continues 
to plug away at her legal studies. Karen's 
dad is a Dallas celebrity, TV anchor 
man John Griswell. Back in Los Angeles, 
Janette Salerno, R.N., is working on an 
advanced degree in coronary care: Toyce 
Ken is also back in school, working on 
an advanced degree in management. 

When she's not Bunny Dipping at the 
Los Angeles Club, dancer Denise Gallar- 
do performs in television shows, includ- 
ing Leif Garrett and Barry Manilow 
specials. Another L.A. Bunny, Betty Jea 
Samuelson, appeared in a Charlie's An- 
gels episode. Judy Bruno and Beverly 
Whatley regularly sing in the New York 
Club's Talent Showcase, and Chicago's 
hutch boasts warbler Rose Dorsey. Cin- 
cinnati's Patti Seaman is cying a career 
as a symphonic flutist. Both our Great 
Gorge Resort and Country Club and the 
New York Club have booked Great 
Gorge Bunny Alyson Michaels for sing- 
ing engagements, while Bunny Marion 
Watson often sings in Dallas. 

Benefits and other events tend to keep 
the Bunnies, um, hopping in their о 
duty hours. This year, they competed in 
countless basketball, donkey-baseball and 
even football games to support numerous 
causes ranging from the Save-a-Pet move- 
ment to a children's hospital. A segment 
of a CBS-TV Sports Spectacular, The 
World’s Strongest Men (scheduled for 
late September), features Los Angeles 
Bunnies—700 pounds’ worth—in a con- 
test called Girl Lift. Strong men had to 
raise a platform full of Bunnies in what 
another network might call the agony 
and the ecstasy. 

But our L.A. Bunnies were at their 
most inspiring when, to benefit Saint 
Jude Children's Research Hospital, the 
national college fraternity Tau Kappa 
Epsilon rolled a beer keg 3224 miles 
from Boston to Century City. What was 
waiting at the end of the trail to en- 
courage the TEKEs to reach their g 
Well, you can bet it wasn't warm, 
churned beer, but a welcoming commit- 
tee of Bunnies from the Los Angeles 
Playboy Club. To them and to the hun- 
dreds of other Bunnies around the globe, 
a toast: ;Salud! Prosit! Skoal! Kam pûi! 


eight top designers 
create an exclusive collection 
of cottontail couture 


HARE APPAREL 


THE REGISTERED Playboy Bunny 
Costume is a modern American 
classic. In the years since it was 
introduced at the first Playboy 
Club in Chicago in 1960, it has 
been worn by thousands of 
women, including, for one rea- 
son or another, actress/model 
Lauren Hutton, feminist author 
Gloria Steinem and a young 
staff reporter for the old NBC 
Today show, Barbara Walters. 
Lauren actually worked as a 
New York Bunny; the two 
others were on assignment, in- 
vestigating the mystique that 
has grown up around the Bun- 
nies. Nearly 20 years ago, the 
costume was considered a little 
risqué—and a traffic stopper 
of the first order. It may have 
had wives and girlfriends up in 
arms, but it brought husbands 
and boyfriends thronging to the Playboy Club. 
Now, of course, the Bunny Costume is a part of 
Americana, much like cowboy boots or pinstripes 
on ballplayers. So how do you improve on a 
classic? Maybe you don't. But we've always been 
fascinated by the possibilities. And in that spirit, 
we've commissioned eight of the world's top fash- 
ion designers to come up with alternative styles. 
While they may never replace the original, their 
trafficstopping capabilities are obvious. 


Bannie August of Danskin 
naturally based her design 
оп а full-length leotard, 

But her interpretation for 
Playboy is both shiny and 
see-through. “I like the way 
the fabric shows the shape 
of the body. Women are more 
direct these days; they like 
their bodies more,” she says. 
If August's creation has a 
futuristic look, it’s because 
she’s an ardent sci-fi fan. 


|-———7'—— 

4 ы. » m 
Ar Ar 
ААА i 


Mee mur Atd hand раіс 


225 


Fernande Sanchez, who did some of the costumes 
for the movie The Wiz, took о baroque approach 
in his sketch at left, including trim of black 
morobou feathers and a black-eather choker. 
He calls his design “theotrical, not fashion,“ 
and the puppet “a bit of mildly sexist humor. 


Monika Tilley, known for her sleek designs in 

ski- and swimwear, uses с “second skin” approach 
for the Bunny outfit at right. Its ruffled and 
gathered top and skintight pants look functionol 
enough, though Tilley enjoys humor in fashion: 
“There's enough seriousness in the world.” 


Edith Head, costume designer for 
hundreds of movies and winner of 
eight Oscars, practically invented 
Hollywood glamor. Thot style is 
evident in her two sketches ot 
left. Heod, who hes olso done 
design work for the Coast Guord, 
feels these Bunny costumes con- 
vey a feeling of “subtle sex.” 


She told us she'd like to try a 
male Bunny costume next. 


Giorgio di Sant’ Angelo fashioned the design at 
left to match "the oggressiveness of the Eighties.” 
Soys he, "The woman of the Eighties is stronger, 
more courageous ond, at the same fime, feminine 
опа sensuous.” He admits his design is “fantasy, 
not practical,” but what's wrong with fantasy? 


Castelbajac, the Рогізісп designer of men's 

and women’s clothing, offers a deceptively simple 
cdoptotion of the classic costume. Crofted 

in vinyl, the podded rolls topside conceal the 
wiring for lights, which should prove just the thing 
for locating your Bunny in a dimly lit Club. 


Oleg Cassini, one of the designers 
behind the Playboy Jet Bunny 
uniforms, gives us top-hot sophis- 
fication in two of his three designs 
at left. Cassini, too, favors “subtle 
titillation.” His creotions of elas- 

ed fabric are meont to conform 
to the body of the wearer; to be 
revealing but not blatant. “Total 
nakedness is not always sexy,” 
says Cassini. We may not alwoys 
agree, but his designs ore 
definitely sexy. 


Bill Blass describes his creation 
ot right as “jazzy and sparkly.” 
Obviously agreeing with Ca: 

that a little exposure goes a long 
way, Blass chose a totally covered 
lack with hood and long sleeves, 
letting the deep plunge accentuate 
the bosom. He retained the Bunny's 
traditional leggy look—"We"re. 
very conscious of the leg as a 

facus in fashion“—as well as the 
ears, here part of a hood, because 
“Bunny ears ore amusing.” 


PLAYBOY 


EXECUTIONERS SONG 


(continued from page 110) 


“Gary was an atrocious eater. In prison, they didn’t 
eat with napkins and place settings.” 


to giggle together. They were still dec- 
orating eggs, but instead of saying, 
“Cristie, I love you,” or “Keep it up, 
Nick,” they were getting into stuff like 
“Fuck the Easter Bunny.” Brenda ex- 
claimed, “You can't hide those." 

“Well,” said Gary with a big grin, 
“guess we got to eat 'em." He and John- 
ny had a feast of mislabeled hard-boiled 
EBBS- 

They spent the rest of the evening 
drawing maps—Take so many steps; 
Look under a rock; You can read the 
next clue only in a mirror; etc.—thcy 
were up half the night putting candy, 
eggs and treats all over the yard. 


Brenda had a good time watching 
Gary Climb around in the tree—which 
was wet, for that matter. They were hav- 
ing a wet Easter. Here he was, looming 
through the branches, hiding goodies 
and getting soaked right through. 

Then he put jelly beans all over his 
room, especially on the shelf above his 
couch, so that when the kids got up next 
morning, they would have to romp over 
him to get the candies. 


Little Tony, who was only four, 


walked across the front of Gary's chest, 
up on his face, mashed his nose and 
slipped off, squashing his car. Gary was 
laughing his head off. 

The morning went like that. When it 
cleared up a little, they played horse- 
shoes and Johnny and Gary got along 
fine. 


Dinner, however, didn't turn out as 
Brenda had hoped. She'd invited Vern 
and Ida, and Howard and Toni with 
their kids, and counting all the noses, 
they came to 13, and made jokes about 
that. The main dish was spaghetti Italian 
style, promised to Gary the way Brenda's 
Sicilian grandfather used to make it, 
with mushrooms, pepper, onions, oreg- 
ano and garlic bread. She had some hot 
cross buns for dessert with a white X of 
icing on the top and plenty of coffee, 
and would have enjoyed the meal ex- 
cept for how tense Gary looked. 


Everybody was jabbering back and 
forth, but Gary was a little out of it. 
Occasionally, somebody would ask him a 
polite question or he would say some- 
thing like, "Boy, this is better grub than 
what they had at Marion," only he kept 


"Please, dear. I'm so tired I can hardly 
keep my legs open.” 


his head down, and hid his silence by 
swallowing food in a hurry. 

Brenda came to the glum conclusion 
that Gary was an atrocious eater. Too 
bad. She couldn't stand to sec a man 
shoveling and slobbering at the table. 


From his letters, she had expected him 
to be very much of a gentleman. Now 
she decided she should have known his 
manners would be common. In prison, 
they didn't eat with napkins and place 
settings. Still, it got to her. Gary had 
long artist's fingers, small at the tips, 
nice-looking hands like a pianist might 
have, but he gripped his fork with his 
fist and bulldozed it in. 


He was, however, sitting at the cnd of 
the table by the refrigerator, and so the 
fluorescent light over the sink was shin- 
ing on his face. It lit up his cyes. Brenda 
said, "Wow, you've got the bluest eyes 
I've ever seen." 

He didn't like that very well. He said, 
“Theyre green.” 

Brenda looked him back. “They're not 
green, they're blue.” 

This went back and forth. Finally, 
Brenda said, "OK, when you're mad, 
they're green; when you're not, they're 
blue. Right now, they're blue. Do you 
feel blue?" 

Gary said, “Shut up and eat.” 


After Vern and Ida and Howard and 
Toni and the children left, and Johnny 
had gone to sleep, Brenda sat around 
with Gary, having a cup of coffee. "Did 
you have a good time?" she asked. 

“Oh, yeah," said Gary. Then he 
shrugged, "I felt out of place. I have 
nothing to talk about.” 

She said, "Boy, I wish we could get 
over that hump.” 

“Come on,” he said, “who wants to 
hear about prison?” 

Brenda said, “I'm just afraid of bring- 
ing back bad memories. Would you 
rather we didn’t walk so lightly around 
the subject?’ 

Gary said, 


Yeah." 


He told her a couple of prison stories. 
God, they were gross. It seems there was 
this old boy Skeezix, who could perform 
fellatio on himself. He was proud of 
that. Nobody else in O.S.P. could. 

"O.S.P.?" asked Brenda. 

"Oregon State Penitentiary.” 

Gary had taken a small cardboard box, 
painted it black and made it look like 
one of those lensless cameras. He told 
Skeezix there was film in the box and it 
would take a picture through the pin- 
hole. Everybody gathered around to 
watch Gary take a snapshot of the fellow 
going down on himself. Skeezix was that 
dumb he was still waiting to see the 
photo. 


On finishing his story, Gary went off 
laughing so hard, Brenda thought he'd 
sling his spaghetti around the room. She 


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was awful glad when he wheezed into 
lence and fixed her with his eye as if 
to say, “Now, do you see my conversa- 
tional problem?” 


5 


Rikki Baker was one of the regulars 
in Sterling Baker's poker sessions. Al- 
though not heavy for his size, he was 
tall, very tall, maybe 65". Gary fixed on 
him early. He was the only fellow in the 
game taller than Gary. They kind of got 


erling’s cousin, and had 
ained by the Navy to be a diesel 
nic, but didn’t get cnough experi- 
ence to qualify for a real job when he 
got out; so when nothing else was avail- 
‚ Rikki put in time at Vern's shop. 
He happened to be around when Vern 
began to speak about this nephew in 
prison who was getting out soon. Later, 


have much impres 


ion. The fellow just 
er, uncertain of 
himself. It was only when Rikki watched 
him playing cards that he realized Gary 
was onc hell of a relative. 

Sure had a different personality at 
poker. Rikki could see right off that Gary 
wasn't too honest, and was a real lawyer 
about rules, always interpreting them in 
his favor. He also kept putting down the 
other players because they didn't know 
the same games the convicts used. He 


making no friends. 
After 


the evening, a couple of Ster- 
d they were going to 
stop coming over. Sterling told them, 
Fine жч me. He was certainly being 
alone 
Sterling would put Gary 
down. Rikki went along. Still, he had a 
funny feeling about the man. Didn't 
want to make an enemy of him for too 
little. If Gary gave trouble, he wouldn't 
be afraid to just rightout fight him, 
but you had to be a little afraid of what 
Gary might pull from his pod 


The poker games continued. Different 
people. By the third night, Sterling got 
Rikki aside and asked if he would take 
Gary somewhere. The guy was really 
getting on everybody's nerves. 

So Rikki asked if he wanted to chase 
down some girls. Gary said, Yeah. 

Rikki soon decided this was the horni- 
est guy he had ever met. 


Rikki had been marri x years, 
ever since he was 17 and she was 15. 
Now, however, he told Gary he and Sue 
were sort of split. Told him how beauti- 
ful she was, big, beautiful, mean-looking 
blonde, yet a good chick. Now that she 
mad at him, maybe she'd like to 
meet Gary, Rikki said kind of half joking. 


Once the possibility was there, though, 
sary wouldn't quit bugging him. Rikki 
said he was only kidding, it was his wife, 


man! But Gary kept asking when Rikki 
would take him over. When Кї nally 
told him, No way, Gary got so mad they 
almost did have a fight. Rikki had to get 
Gary off the subject by saying they could 
go drag Center Street. Rikki was pretty 
good at chasing girls, he let Gary know. 


So they went cruising up and down in 
R GTO. Would pass gi nd try 
to wave them over, then go back to Cen- 
ter Street again, sce the same girls and 
try a second time, just driving side by 
side, part of a long line of other dudes 
in their cars and pickup trucks, and the 
chicks in theirs, everybody's radio going 
real loud. 

Gary got bored with the lack of posi- 
tive results. When they came to a red 
light behind one carful of girls, he 
jumped out and stuck his head in their 
window. Rikki couldn't hear what he 
was saying, but when the light turned 
green and the girls tried to take off, 
wouldn't take his face out of their win- 
dow. Didn't care about the cars behind 
or anything. Once the girls finally got 
going, Gary wanted Rikki to chase then 
down. “Ai aid Ri 

“Do it! 

With all the waffic, Rikki couldn't 
catch up. All the while, Gary was yelling 
to make a move and show he was as good 
he said. 


Too late, however. There were a lot 
s but only a few with 
girls, and they were just fooling around 
and very cautious. One had to come up 
on them casy, not scare them right out 
of the water. Gary made him promise to 
go out earlier next time. 


of 


As they were saying good night, Gary 
had a proposition. What would Rikki 
think about teaming up? Make a little 
money at poker. 

Rikki d already heard about this 
from Sterling. He gave Gary the same 
answer Sterling had giv ‘Well, Сагу, 
1 couldn't cheat against my friends, 
he said. 


For reply, Gary said, “Can I drive your 
car?” Being а GTO, it was a fast 
mobile. This time, Rikki said yes. Fig. 
ured he'd better. Not getting 
bent Gary too far out of shape. 


Moment he got the wheel, he almost 
killed them. Took a corner fast and 
ly hit a stop sign. Then he didn't 
slow down at the intersection 
humping over the drainage ditch 
that was there to slow you down. Next 
he almost ran some people off the ro; 
in fact, one car coming toward them had 
to go onto the shoulder. Rikki kept 
yelling but couldn't get him to stop until 
Gary popped the clutch without enough 
gas. Then the motor conked and he 
couldn't get it started. The СТО had 
a bad battery. 


S 


Thats what it took for Rikki to get 
behind the wheel again. Gary was awful 
depressed the engine had died on him. 
Got upset about it the way people can 
brood over bad weather. 


6 


ound lunchtime, Toni and 
Gary up at the shoeshop 
and took him out for a hamburger. Sit- 
ting on-cach side of him at the counter, 
talking into his left car and his right 
‚ they got right to the topic. What 
it came down to was that he had been 
borrowing too much money. 


Next day a 
Brenda pi 


Yes, said Toni gently, he'd been hit- 
ting Vern for a fivedollar bill here, ten 
there, once in a while, twenty. He hadn't 
been going to work a full number of 
hours, cither. "Vern and Ida id this to 
you?” Gary asked. 

EG: said Toni, 
realize Daddy's financial situ 
got too much pride to tell you. 


“He'd be furious if he knew we were 
talking to you ” Brenda s 
"but Dad isn't making a whole lot right 
now. He created a job so the parole 
board would help you get out." 

If you need ten dollars.” said Toni, 
"Daddy will be there. But not just to 
buy a six-pack and then come home and 
sit around and drink beer." 


1 feel bad,” said Gary, "about this. 
Vern has no money?" 
“He has a little,” Brenda said. "But 


he's hurting for money. He's trying to 
save for his operation. Vern doesn't carry 
on. but that leg gives him pain all the 
time 

Gary sat with his head down 


just 


thinking. “I didn’t realize,” he said, “I 
putting Vern on the spot. 
Toni answered, "Gary, | know it's 


hard. But try to settle down, just a little. 
What you spend for beer doesn't sound 
like much, but it would make 
ence to Mother and Daddy if you took 
five dollars and went and bought a sack 
of groceries, ‘cause, you know, they're 
feeding you, and clothing you, and board 
and room. 


Brenda now moved to the next topic. 
She knew Gary had needed time to un- 
wind and work with somebody like Vern, 
whom he didn’t have to regard as a boss 
1 the time. Yet the moment had come, 
maybe, to start thinking about a place of 
his own and a real job. She had even 
been doing some looking for him. 

Gary said, “I don't think I'm ready. 
t you're trying to do, 
ike to hang in with 
your folks a little long 

"Mother and Da 


aid Brenda, 


"haven't had anybody living in their 
house since Toni got married. "That's 


been ten or twelve years. Gary, they love 


229 


PLAYBOY 


230 


you, but ГЇ be frank. You are starting 
to get on their nerves.” 

"Maybe," said Gary, “you better tell 
me about that job.” 


That evening, Gary came in with a 
sack of groceries. Just odds and ends and 
nothing to do with putting a meal to- 
gether, but Ida took it as a happy ges 
ture. It turned back her thoughts to a 
time 30 ye о and more when she 
had loaned Bessie $40 because Frank 
Gilmore was in jail. It took Bessie almost 
ten years, but she paid back that $10. 
Maybe Gary had the same characteristic. 


7 


Tt was seven miles and more from 
Vern's home in Provo to Spencer Mc- 
Grath's shop in Lindon. seven miles 
along State Street with all the one-story 
buildings. The first morning, Vern drove 
him there. After that, Gary left at six to 
be sure of getting to work by eight, in 
case he couldn't pick up a ride. Once, 
after catching a hitch right off. he came 
in at 6:30, an hour and a half early. 
Other times it was not so fast. Once, a 
dawn cloudburst came in off the moun- 
tains and he had to walk in the rain. At 
night he would often trudge home with- 
out a ride. It was a lot of traveling to get 
to a shop that was hardly more than a 
big shed. with nothing to sce but trucks 
and heavy equipment parked all over a 
muddy yard 


He was real quiet those first few days 
on the job. It was obvious he didn't 
know what to do. If they gave him a 
board to planc, they also had to tell him 
to turn the plank over and plane the 
other side. One time the foreman, Craig 
Taylor, discovered that Gary had been 
working an electric drill for 15 minutes 
with no results. Couldn't get a hole 
started. 

Craig told him he had been running 
the drill on reverse. Gary shrugged. "I 
didn’t know these things had that,” he 
said. 


So the word his boss, Spence McGrath, 
got about him was that he knew no more 
Poly- 
grinders and sanders and paint guns all 
had to be explained. He was also a 
loner. Brought his lunch in a brown- 
paper bag and took it himself the first 
few days. Sat on a piece of machinery 
off to the side and ate the food in all 
the presence of his own thoughts. No- 
body knew what he was thinking. 


than a kid out of high school 


Night was different. Gary was out just 
about every night. Rikki was getting a 
little in awe of him 


Gary told everybody about this black 
dude he killed in jail who had been 
tying to make a nice white kid his 
punk. The kid asked Gary for help. so 
he and another buddy got ahold of some 
pipes. They had to. The convict they 


were taking on was a bad nigger, and 
had been a professional fighter, but th 
caught him on a stairway and beat him 
half to death with the pipes. Then they 
put him in his cell and stabbed him with 
a homemade knife 57 times. 


Rikki thought the story was talk. By 


was just 


telling it to everybody, С 
trying to make himself look big. Still, 
that didn’t leave Rikki feeling comfort- 


able. Any fellow that wanted to live on 
such a story could hardly back down if 
he d to lean on you and you pushed 


back. 

There were times Gary seemed almost 
simple, however. Running after the girls 
in Rikkis GIO. Gary sure hadn't 
learned much. Rikki kept trying to ex- 
plain how you talk to girls, soft and easy 
like Sterling Baker, instead of big and 
mean, but Gary said he wouldn't play 
those games. 


One night, Rikki started talking to 
three girls in a pickup. The truck was 
on Rikkis left and he just talked 
through the open window until they 
could feel he was all right and good- 
looking enough. Then the girls cut down 
a dark street and he followed and parked 
behind. Thc girl at the whecl came over 
to talk to Cary, and. Rikki walked over 
to their truck. He was going on real 
nice to the other two girls about moving 
over to their place for a party, when the 


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driver came back, looking scared. “You 
ought to do something with that guy 
you've got along." she said, and she got 
into her truck and took off. 


“What happened?” Rikki asked Gary 

“Well, 1 came right out and asked her 
for it, said. ‘It’s been a long time and 
Га like some right now!’ ^ Gilmore shook 
his head. “Why don't we just grab a 
couple of bitches and rape them?" 

Rikki chose his words carefully. “ 
that’s something 1 just couldn't go foi 


ry. 


said he 
ow he wanted 


"They drove around until Gar 
knew a girl. “Real nice.” > 
to go to her place, only to her place. She 
lived on the second floor of a twostory 
building with several apartments on cach 
landing. Looked like a small motel. 


Gary pounded on her door for ten 
Finally, girl came to а 

She opened a crack and whispered, My 

sister has gone to bed. 

“Tell her Fm her. 

"She's gone to bed. 

“Just tell her I'm here and she'll get 


minutes, 


sw 


up." 
“She needs her sleep.” 
The door closed. 
“Cunt,” Gary shouted. 


Then he got mad. On the way down 
the EG tirs, he said to Ri “Let's tip her 
car." 


She was just a little old foreign job, 
but heavy. Put their backs into it, and 
gave what they had, but couldn't do 
more than rock her. So Gary grabbed a 
tire iron out of the CTO's trunk, ran up. 
to the girl's car and busted the wind- 
shield out. 


ic sound of glass breaking scared 
Rikki enough to go flying over to his 
car. It was only as he took off that Gary 
opened the door on the run and jumped 
in. 


"They decided to visit Sterling. On the 
y said, “Help me rob a bank?” 
at's something I never done. 


A bank was easy, Gary said. He knew 
how to do it. He would cut Rikki in for 
15 percent if Rikki would sit in hi 
and drive off when he came out. Rikki, 
he said, would make a good getaway 
man 


Gary said, "You wouldn't have to 
come into the bank.” 
“I couldn't do it” 
Gary got inllamed. "You're not sup- 
posed to be Lof anyt 
“I wouldn't do it, Gary. 
They went the rest of the way to 
Sterling's house in silence. 


Once there, Gary cooled enough to 
get working on an acceptable story in 
case the girl called the cops. They could 
say they drove up to Salt Lake for the 


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Radar gun readouts can be dis- 
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PLAYBOY 


232 


night and didn't get back till morning. 
Somebody had them mixed up with two 
other guys. 


8 


At present, Spencer McGrath 
working on a plan to take in all the 
county garbage for recycling. He had 15 
people in his employ, a large contract, 
and he was working very hard. It had 
become one ot those times in a man's 

fe when he can advance his career and 
his finances ten years in two years. Or 
ail, and have gained yery little beyond 
the knowledge of how hard one can work. 


was 


So his social activities were minimal. 
ys a week, he worked from seven 
n the morning into the night. For days 
jn a row, he wouldn't even get home in 
timc to see the ten-o'clock news on TV. 


Maybe he could have put in a little 
less time, but it was Spencer's idea that 
you gave what was necessary to each per- 
son who came before you in the day. So 

was natural that he kept an eye on 
Gilmore and reassured himself that. no- 
body was trying to downgrade the fellow 
in any way. The men knew, of course, 
that he was an ex-con—Spencer thought 
it was only fair to them (and to Gary, 
for that matter) to have it known—but 
they were а good crew. If anything. th 
ind of knowledge could work in G 
more's favor. 


Still, it was all of a week before Spen- 
cer McGrath learned that Gary was walk- 
ing to work whenever he couldn't get a 
hitch and he only found out because 


there had been some snow that morning 
and took him longer to walk all the 
way. 


That got to Spencer. Gilmore had 
never told a soul, Such pride was the 
makings of decent stuff. McGrath made 
sure he had a ride home that night. 


Later that day, they had a little talk. 
Gilmore wasn't real anxious to get into 


most people did. That got to 
too. At V. J. Motors, there 
cylinder '66 Mustang that seemed to be 
pretty clean. The tires were fair, the 
body was good. Spencer thought it was a 
reasonable proposition. The car sat on 
the lot for $795, but the dealer, Val J. 
Conlin, a friend of Spencer's, s; he 
would move it at $550 for them. It beat 
walking. 


So that Friday, when Gary got paid, 
they went back to the car lot and 
sary would put up 


would receive the rest of it in $50 pay. 
ments every two weeks. Since G 
getting $140 a week and taking home 5! 
of that, the deal could be considered 
functional. 


y was 


ry wanted to know if he could take 
time oll on Monday to get a license. 
Spencer told him all right. It was agreed 
that Gary would stop lor his license 
Monday morning, pick up the car and 
come to work. 


Monday, when he got into the shop, 


“Tf this stuff is retroactive to last weekend, 
we’re in big trouble.” 


however, he told Spencer that the driv- 
ers’ bureau said he would have to show а 
previous driver's license. Gary told them 
he had one in Oregon, and they were 
going to send for it. In the meantime, 
he would wait on the car. 


Wednesday, however, he picked up 
the Mustang anyway, and that night, to 
celebrate, he had an а Ц 
test with Rikki at Sterling’ 
tried pretty hard, but Gary won and kept 
bragging it up through the poker game. 


Embarrassed at losing. Rikki stayed 
away. When, a few days later, he 
dropped in again, it was to hear that his 
er Nicole had gone to visit Sterling 
one evening and Gary had been ther 
She and Gary ended up with each other 
that night. Now they were 
ish Fork. His sister Nicole, who 
always had to go her own way, was living 
with С more. 


Rikki didn't like the news one bi 
Nicole was the best thing in his famil 
as far as he was concerned. He told 
Sterling that if Gary did anything to 
hurt her, he would kill him. 


Yet when Rikki saw them, G 
over to Rikki and said, “Man, you've got 
the most beautiful sister in the world. 
She's just the best person 1 ever met.” 
Gary and Nicole held hands like they 
were locked together at the wrist. It w: 
all different from what Rikki ha 
expected. 


ry came 


Sunday morning, Gary brought Nicole 
over to meet Spencer and Marie Mc 


Grath. Spencer saw а very good-looking 
girl, hell of a figure, not too tall, with a 
full mouth, a small nose and nice long 
brown hair. She must have been 19 or 
20 and looked full of her own thoughts. 


She was wearing Levis that had been cut 
off at the thigh, a T-shirt and no shocs. 
It sounded like a baby was crying in her 
car, but she made no move to go back. 


агу immensely proud of her. 
They were sure getting along in super- 
good shape. “Look at my girl!” Gary was 
all but saying. "Isn't she fabulous? 


When they left, Spencer said to Marie, 
“That's just about what Gary needs. А 
girlfriend with a baby to feed. It doesn't 
look like she'll be too much of an asset 
to him." He squinted after their car. 
My God. did he paint his Must 
blue? I thought it was white.” 

"Maybe it's her car. 

Same year and model?" 

"Wouldn't surprise me a bit, 
Marie. 


said 


Brenda wasn't too happy, either, when 
he brought Nicole to her house. Oh, 
God. she said to herself, Gary would end 
a space cadet, 

(continued on page 237) 


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234 


А 


PLAYBOY POTPOURRI 


people, places, objects and events of interest or amusement 


WALKING TALL 
Tired of wearing that same old 
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with your feet slipped into an 
articulated six-foottall Walk- 
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Hudson Brown, 72 East Walton 
Street, Chicago, Illinois 60611, is 
selling for $195, postpaid. Walk- 
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by artist Lisa Sturz—comes 
knocked down, ready for quick 
assembly. Once you've got its 
shinbone connected to its thigh- 
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feet through two straps under the 
puppets feet, put one hand 
inside the worm's head and start 
hopping around. While it's been 
suggested that anything as half- 
assed as Walking Worm looks 
best on someone who's bare- 
assed, that's up to you. And 
when you're not making an ass 
of yourself wearing Walking 
Worm, it doubles as a sculpture. 


4 
cdd di) 


WE GET THE MESSAGE 

You may not be able to drive a car with an X-rated license. plate number, 
but there's nothing that says you can't personalize your license-plate 
frame with whatcver's on your dirty little mind. Bob S. Enterprises. 
P.O. Box 154, Stratford, Connecticut 06197, is offering a kit that con- 
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numbers and punctuation marks for $4.95, postpaid. Of course, if 
another driver doesn't dig your message, you may have to eat your words. 


IT FLIES BY NIGHT 
The second most popular outdoor night 
sport is rapidly becoming Future Flight 
flinging, Future Flight being a plastic 
saucer-shaped toy with three lights posi- 
tioned around its perimeter. A flick 
of the wrist turns Future Flight on; the 
battery is replaceable and the lights 
are guaranteed for 100,000 hours—pro- 
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TICKLING OUR FANCY 
Mark Twain had one. So did Charlie 
Chaplin, Howard Hughes and Groucho 
Marx. We're talking about mustaches— 
and even if you're not into pogonotrophy 


(the growing of facial hair), you'll dig 


Moustache, a delightfully hairy compen- 
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of famous personages. inventions and 
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1 
SEXUAL HANG-UP 
"The Pleasure Chest, that pur- 

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s, has done it 
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sent to The Pleasure Chest, 20 
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watch the chicks go wild. 


DREAM PIPES 
To paraphrase Kipling, a 
good cigar may be a smoke, 
but a carefully broken-in pipe, 
like aged bourbon, is a boon 
companion whether you're 
hiking in the wild or relaxing 
by the fire. Of course, you 

can buy new pipes anywhere, 
but if you'd like to supple- 
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few antique models, a pipe 
enthusiast named Tom Clasen 
publishes a newsletter called 
The Old Order out of Box 
262, Thiensville, Wisconsin 
58099, that's devoted to yester- 
year’s tobacconalia you can 
buy. One buck will get you 
lists. Old pipes; old price. 


EXCUSE OUR DUST 


It's always nice to have a 
damp, cobwebby cellar where 
you can house your collec- 
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even if you live in a whis- 
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still give your bottles that 
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Gordon Bennett & Associates, 
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can, postpaid. What's in Wine 
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ingredients, including baby 
powder and peach fuzz. After 
a dusting, your Ripple 

will never have tasted better. 


CHECKING OUT NEW HAUNTS B 
We're all intrigued by things that go bump in 
the night, but now you can receive an 88-page 
Handbook for the Psychic Investigator that clues 
you in on everything from how to locate psy- 
chic mysteries to the casting out of ghosts 
and demons by sending $10 to The Haunt 
Hunters, 215 N. Meramec, Clayton, Missouri 
63105. Along with the book, you'll be sent an 
official card that says you're now a Registered 
Psychic Investigator. We carry it right next 
to our Sky King Pilot's License. 


THE DARK SIDE OF SWITZERLAND 
Chocolate junkies, eat your heart out! Jour- 
neyworld International, 527 Madison Avenue, 
New York, New York 10022, is offering a 
Chocolate Lovers Tour of Switzerland next 
March 21-29 for only $1199, including air 
fare. While there, you'll munch your way 
through the Tobler chocolate factory in Bern, 
sec how the Suchard company sorts mixed 
nuts at Neuchâtel and sample kirsch-soaked 
Cailler candies in the village of Broc. Sorry. 
no chocolate-covered cdelwciss. 


235 


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(continued from page 232) 

Nicole just sat there. She had a little 

girl by the arm and didn't seem to know 

the arm was there. The child, a tough- 

looking four-year-old, looked to һе living 
in one world and Nicole in another 


Brenda asked, "Where are you st 

Nicole roused herself. “Yeal 
roused herself again. “Down the road 
she said in a soft 
voice, 

Brenda must have 
“Springville?” she asked. 
Nicole gave an angelic smile. 
Spanish Fork, she got it,” she said to 
Gary as if little wonders grew like flow- 
ers on the highway of life. 


been on 


"Don't you love her looks?" 
"Yeah," said Brenda, ^ 


self a looke: 


Gary said. 
ou got your 


Yeah, thought Brenda, another girl 
who pops a kid before she's 15 and lives 
on the Government ever after. One more 
poverty-si e witch. Except 
she had to admit it. Nicole was star qual- 
ity lor these parts. 


now 


ly God, she and Gary were in a 
trance with each other. Could sit and 
google at cach other for the entire day. 
Don't bother to visit. Brenda was ready 
to ask the fire department to put out the 
burn. 


“she’s nineteen, you know,” Gary said 
the moment Nicole left the pati 
"You don't say,” said Brenda. 
“Do you think she is too old for me 


he asked. At the look on his cousin's 
face, he began to laugh. 
No,” said Brenda, "quite f 


think you are both of the same ЕЕ 
tual and mental level of matu od 


God, Gary, she's young ape to be 


your daughter. How mess 
around with a kid?" 
“I feel nineteen,” he told her. 


"Why don't you try growing up before 


can you 


u're blunt,” said С 
“Don't you agree it’s the truth?” 
“Probably,” he said. He muttered it. 


They were sitting on the patio, blink- 
ing their eyes in the sun, when Nicole 
came back. Just as if nothing had been 
said in her absence, Gary pointed tender- 
ly to the tattoo of a heart on his forearm. 

When he had stepped out of Marion, a 
month ago. he said, it had been 
heart. Now the space was filled with 
Nicole's name. He had tried to match 
the blue-black color of the old tattoo, 
but her name appeared in bluegr 
"Like и?” he asked Brenda. 

"Looks better than 1 
she said. 


"Well," s; 


Ty. 


ng a blank 


у, "T was just waiting 


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237 


The Turkish Affair. 


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to fill it in. But first I had to lind me a 
lady like this." 


Nicole also had a tattoo. On her ankle. 
GARY, it said. 

"How do you like it?” he asked. 

Johnny replied, “I don't." 

Nicole was grinning from ear to ear. 
It was as if the best way to ring her bell 
was to tell the truth. Something about 
the sound set off chimes in her. “Oh,” 
she said, extending her ankle for all the 
world to see the curve of her calf and the 
meat of her thigh, “I think it looks kinda 
nice.” 

“Well, it's done," said Brenda, “with 
a nice steady touch. But a tattoo on a 
woman's ankle looks like she stepped in 
shit 

*] dig it,” said Gary. 

“OK,” said Brenda, “I'll give you my 
good opinion. I like that tattoo about 
much as I like that silly-ass hat you wear 

"Don't you like my lid? 

“Gary, when it comes to hats, you've 
got the rottenest taste I've ever seen.” 
She was so mad she was ready to cry 


She had done it to him again. It didn't 
strike him well that she didn't like 
Nicole’s tattoo amy more than his hats. 
He got up to leave then, and Brenda 
walked them to the door. Coming out- 
side, she was also surprised by the sight 
of the paleblue Mustang 


That was enough to restore him. 
Didn't it have to be fantastic? he told 
her. He and Nicole had both bought 
exactly the identical model and year. It 
was a sign. 


She 


as in all wrong sorts the rest of 
the day. Kepr thinking of the tattoo on 
icole's ankle. Every time she did, her 
uneasiness returned. "Oh, Lord," said 
Brenda, “Gary loves Nicole.” 


JI—NICOLE 
1 


Last winter, just before her mother 
and father split up, Nicole had found a 
little house in Spanish Fork, and it 
looked like a change for the better. She 
wanted to live alone and the house made 
it casier. 


It was very small, about ten miles from 
Provo, on a quiet street at the start of 
the foothills. Her little place was the 
oldest building on the block, and next to 
all those ranch bungalows lined up on 
cach sidewalk like pictures in supermar- 
ines, the house looked as funky 
ng in a fairy tale. It was kind of 
palelavender stucco on the outside with 
Hershey-brown window trim, and inside, 
just a living room, bedroom, kitchen and 
bathroom. The roof beam curved in the 
middle, and the front door was practic 
ly on the sidewalk—that’s how long 
it had been built. 


go 


In the back yard was а groovy old ap- 


ple tree with a couple of rusty wires to 
hold the branches together. She loved 
it. The tree looked like one of those stray 
mutts that docsr 


t get any attention and. 
doesn’t care—it’s still beautiful. 


Then, just as she was really seitling in, 
getting to like herself for really taking 
care of her kids this once, and trying to 
put her head together so her thoughts 
wouldn't rattle when she was alone. why, 
just then Kathryne and Charles chose to 
split, her poor mom and dad, married 
before they were hardly in high school. 
marri 


Ч for more than 20 years, five 
kids, and they never did get, Nicole al 
ways thought, to like each other, al 
though maybe they'd been in love from 
time to time. Anyway, they were split 
That would have dislocated her if she 
hadn't had the house in Spanish Fork. 
The house was better than a man. Nicole 
amazed herself. She had not slept with 
anybody for weeks, didn't want to, just 
nted to digest her life, her three mar 
riages, her two kids and more guys than 
you wanted to count 


Well, the groove continued. Nicole 
la pretty good job aitress at the 
and View Café in Provo. and then she 
got work sewing in a factory. It was only 
one step above being a waitress, but it 
made her feel good. They sent her to 
school for a week, and she learned how 
to use the power sewing machines and 
was making better money than she had 
ever brought in before. Two-thirty an 
hour. Her take-home came to S80 a week. 


OF course, the work was hard. Nicole 
didn’t think of herself as being espe- 
cially well coordinated, and certainly she 
was not [ast—her head was too bombed 
out for sure. She would get flustered. 
They would put her on one machine and 
just about the time she started getting 
the hang of it and was near the hourly 
quota, they put her on another. Then 
the machine would fuck up when she 
least expected 


Suill, it wasn't bad. She had a nest 
of 100 bucks from screwing Wellare out 
of moncy they'd once given her in some 
mix-up of checks, and put another $75 
together from her job, So she was able to 
pay out in cash $175 for an old Mustar 
that she bought from her next-door 
neighbor's brother. He had wanted up 
to $300, but he liked her, She just got a 
litle lucky 


On the night Nicole met Gary, she 
had taken Sunny and Jeremy for a 
drive—the kids loved the car. With them 
came her sister-in-law, Sue, who was in 


the dumps at this point, being pregnant 
and split up from Rikki 


On the drive, Nicole passed about a 
block from her cousin's house, and Suc 
suggested they drop in. Nicole agreed 
She figured Suc liked Sterling and must 


Rich Taste-Low Tar 


have heard that he had also split up 
with his old lady, Ruth Ann, just this 
week, baby and all. 


Tt was a cool dark night, one of those 
ights in May when the mountain ai 


п 
still had the feel of snow. Except not 
that cold, because Sterling’s door was 
open a lite bit. The girls knocked and 
walked in. Nicole wasn't wearing any- 
thing but her Levis and some kind of 
halter, and there was this strange-looking 
guy sitting on the couch. She thought he 
was just plain stangelooking. Hadn't 
shaved in a couple of days and was 
drinking beer. What with saying hello to 
Nicole and Sue, Sterling didn't even 
introduce him. 


Nicole n 


le а pretense of 
the new fellow, but there wa 
about him. When their eyes met, he 
looked at her I know you." 
For a split second, something flashed in 
her mind, bur then she thought. No, 
Ive never met him before. Maybe I 
know him from another time. 


ignoring 
something 


That started everything off. She hadn't. 
been thinking that way for quite a while. 
Now that feeling was around her 
She knew what he meant. 


His eyes looked very blue in а long 
triangular face and they stared at her 
and he said again, “Hey, I know you." 

Finally, Nicole kind of laughed and 
said, “Yeah, maybe.” She thought about 
it a moment more and looked at him 
nd said, "Maybe." They didn't 
talk anymore for a while. 


She gave her attention to Sterling. In 
fact, both girls were clustered. around 
Sterling, the easiest man in the world to 
get along with. He was gentle and warm. 
and very hospitable, and sure sexy. 
Soothed everything. 


What with Sue liking him, too, the 
night was sort of exciting. As they were 
talking, Nicole finally confessed to Ster- 
ling that she had a crush on lor 
years when she was a kid. He told her 
right back that he'd always been crazy 
about her. They just laughed. This other 
fellow sat on the couch and kept looking 
at her. 


After a while, Nicole decided the new 
fellow was pretty good-looking. He was 
much too old for her, looked like he 
could be n: 40. But he was tall and 
had beautiful eyes and a pretty good 
mouth. She was a little fascinated, even 
if she wasn't about to admit to much 
interest. 


anything to him, 
either; in fact, she pretended he wasn't 
there. Sunny, however, started being a 
real bad four-year-old and carried on in 


as she could. She began ordering Nicole 
to do this and do that. Soon Sunny got 


flushed and pretty-looking. and now was 
flirting with the man. Just about the 

he looked at Nicole and said, “You're 
going to have a lot of trouble with this 
little girl. She could end up in reform 
school 


That gave a twinge. It was one remark 
to get under you. Maybe she had been 
the kind of mother who could do that to 
her kids. Nicole knew those words could 
stick in her like a hook over the next 
couple of уса 


s. 


She began to think this guy had some 
kind of psychic power. As if he were a 
hypnotist or something of that ilk. She 
hardly knew if she was about to like that. 


Anyway, he seemed to think that was 
enough to start a conversation. Before 
long, he was talking to her in a very 
persistent way. He wanted to go to the 
store, to get a six-pack of beer, and kept 
bugging her to go with him. She kept 
shaking her head. Sue and she had been 
getting ready to leave and she didn’t 
want to go to the store with this man 
now. He was too strange. There wasn't 
any sense to it, anyway, since the store 
was just a little down the road. 


t worked in his favor, however, 
Sue didn't look ready to leave 
yet. She was just beginning to get off 
on talking to Sterling, and obviously 
wouldn't mind being alone with the guy 
for a little while. So Nicole said, OK, 
and took Jeremy for protection. Sunny 
was asleep by then. 


When they got to the store, Nicole 
didn't even get out of the car. It was 
odd, but he had a Mustang just like hers, 
same model, same year. Just the color 
was dilerent. So she felt comfortable 
in it. 


When he returned with the beer, she 
was leaning against the door, and he 
put the six-pack on her knee. She joked 
and said, Oh, that hurts. He started 
rubbing her knee. He did it decently: 
not too personal, but it felt preuy good 
in a nice simple way, and they went on 
home. When they got to the end of 
Sterling's driveway, before she got out 
of the car, he turned around and looked 
at her and asked if she would kiss him 
She didn't say anything for a minute, 
then said yes. He reached across and 
gave her a kiss and it didn't do any harm 
at all to what she thought about him. In 
fact, to her surprise, she felt like crying. 
A long time later, she would remember 
that first kiss. Then they went back to 
the house. 


Now Nicole didn't ignore him quite 
so much, although she still made a point 
of sitting across the room. Sue obviously 
couldn't stand the fellow and was ра 
even less attention in his direction, In 
fact, Nicole was surprised how indilfer. 
ent he was that Sue disliked him. Suc 


might be obviously pregnant now, but in 
Nicole’s opinion, she was the more spec- 
tacular of the two of them. Yet the 
fellow seemed ready to sit by himself. 
as also quiet. After a while, it 
ing would all go 


nowhere. 

With the down drift, Nicole and Suc 
started talking to cach other. Nicole 
often had the feeling that Sue, when 
things were all right with Rikki, didn’t 
think too good of her because of all the 
guys she dated; in fact, Sue and Rikki 
told on her when she took а dude into 
bed once at her greatgrandmother's 
house, and she never trusted Sue com- 
pletely after that. She certainly didn't 
want Sue to think she was still that easy. 
So Nicole got a little stiff when just as 
she was geuing ready to take the kids 
home, Gary said he wanted her phone 
number. She felt funny about looking 
so available after all the remarks she'd 
made to Sue tonight about living a new 
kind of life, so she told him that he 
couldn't have it. He was amazed. 


He said, It just doesn't make any sense 
for you to walk out of here and nev 
see you again. It would be a waste of a 
good thing, he said. He even got a little 
mad when she kept saying no. Sat there 
and looked at her. She st: i 


d into his 
blue eyes and told him she wouldn't give 
it to him, and left with Suc, but by 
the time they were out of the house, 
Nicole felt like screaming. she had 
wanted to give him that phone number 
so bad. 

She didn't even have a phone. All 
she could have given was her address, or 
the next-door neighbor's number. 


2 


On the Nicole didn’t like the 
way she was fecling at all. She took 
Sue home and drove all the way out to 
her own house, but didn't move from 
the car, Then she said, To hell with it. 
and started back to Sterling's after all. 


On the way, she decided she was 
idiot, and the guy wouldn't even be 
there anymore. 


"Then she became really scared of what 
she might be getting into. In fact, her 
heart. v high. she could have been 
breathing some strange gas, making her 
half Е exhilarated. She had 
never ing so strong as this be- 
fore. It was as if it would be impossible 
to let this guy go. 


E 


still there, howeve 
ed right behind. The kids were 


asleep in the back seat, so she left 
them. It was safe to leave kids on a quiet 
street like this. And went up and 


knocked on the door, even if it was still 
cracked open a little. She heard him say 
something just before she knocked. It 


241 


PLAYBOY 


incredible, but she heard him say, “Man, 
I like that girl. 


When she went in, he came over to 
her and he touched her, didn't grab her 
for a big kiss but just touched her 
lightly. She felt really good. It was all 
right. She had done the right thing. 
They sat on the couch for a couple of 
hours and they laughed and talked. It 
hardly mattered if Sterling was in the 
room with them or not. 


Alter a while, when it was obvious she 
was going to stay, they went out to the 
car and picked up the sleeping children 
and put them in the house and laid 
them still sleeping on Sterling's bed, and 
went on talking. 


They did hardly anything but laugh. 
They had a great big laugh about count- 
ing her freckles and the impossibility of 
that because he said you couldn't count 
freckles on an elf. Then, in the quiet 
moment that followed a lot of this laugh- 
ter, he told her he had been in prison 
for half of his life. He told her in a 


matter-of-fact wi 
While Nicole wasn't afraid of him, 
she was scared. 1t was the thought of 


geuing mixed up with another loser. 
Somebody who didn't think enough of 
himself to make something of himself. 


She felt it was bad to float through life. 


You might have to pay too much the 
next time around. 


They got to speaking of karma. Ever 
since she was a kid, she had believed in 
reincarnation. It was the only thing that 
made sense. You had a soul, and after 
you died, your soul came back to earth 
as a newborn baby. You had a new life 
where you suffered for what you had 
done wrong in your last life. She wanted 
to do it right so she wouldn't have to 
make another trip. 


To her amazement, he agreed. He said 
he had believed in karma for a long 
time. Punishment was having to face 
something you hadn't been able to face 
in this life, 


Yes, he told her, if you murdered 
somebody, you might have to come back 
and be the parent of that person in a 
future century. That was the 
point of living, he said, facing yourself. 
If you didn't, the burden got bigger: 


whole 


It was getting to be the best conversa- 
tion she ever had. She had always 
thought the only way to have conversa- 
tions like that was in your head. 


"Then he sat on the couch and held her 
face in his hands and said, “Hey, I love 
you." He said it from two or three inches 
away. She felt reluctant to answer him. 
Nicole hated “I love you." In truth, she 
despised it. She had said it so many times 


gag when she didn't mean it. Still, she sup- 


posed she had to get it out. As she ex- 
pected, it didn't sound right. Left a bad 
echo in her head. 


He said, “Hey, there’s a place in the 
darkness. You know what I mean?" He 
said, “I think I met you there. I knew 
you there.” He looked at her and smiled 
and said, “I wonder if Sterling knows 
about that place? Should we tell him 
They both looked at Sterling, and he was 
sitting there with a, well, just a funny 
kind of smile on his face, like he knew 
it was coming down that way. Then 
G id, "He knows. You can tell. You 
con see in his eyes that he knows.” 
Nicole laughed with delight. It was fun- 
ny. This guy looked twice her age, yet 
there was something naive about him. 
He sounded smart, but he was so young 
inside. 


He kept drinking the beer, and Nicole 
got up once in a while and went in to 
g's baby a bottle. Ruth Ann 
was out working—even though Ruth 
Ann and Sterling had split, they were 
still living in the same house. It was 
they could afford. 


Gary kept telling Nicole that he w 
ed to make love to her. She kept telling 
him she didn’t want to start that night. 
He'd say, “I don't want to just fuck you, 
T want to make love to you.” 


After a while, she went to the bath- 
room and when she came out, Sterling 
was leaving. It gave her a funny feeling. 
Sterling didn't show a sign he'd been 
forced to leave. He didn't look like he 
was being ejected. Still, she thought Gary 
might have been just a little rude. The 
idea was quite a lot rude, if you wanted 
to get into it, With all that beer, he was 
also getting just a little gruff. Still, now 
thar they were alone, there was hardly 
any logic left to refusing. After a while, 
her clothes were off and they were on 
the floor. 


3 


He couldn't get а hard-on. He looked. 
like he had been hit with an ax but was 
trying to smile. He wouldn't stop and 
rest. He had half a hard-on. 


He was so heavy on her, and he just 
kept trying. After a while, he began to 
apologize, and blamed it on too much 
beer. Asked her to help. Nicole began to 
do what she could, When her neck was 
as tired as it was ever going to be, he still 
wasn't ready to quit. It became straight 
hard work and it made her mad. 


She told him they ought to cool it for 
a while, Maybe try again later. He asked 
her then to get on top of him, asked her 
gently. Now, he said in her ear that he 
would like her to lie there forever. Asked 
her i£ she would be able to sleep that. 
way, on top of him. That would please 
him. She tried for a long time. She told 


him he should rest, and not worry. After 
the hea nd the exhaustion, and the 
fact that it wasn't going, she still felt 
tender toward him, She was surprised 
how tender she felt. She was sad he was 
drunk, and sorry he was that anxious, 
and might even have been loving him, 
but she was also irritated that he was 
too worked up to let it go and fall asleep. 
And he wouldn't stop apologizing. Said 
again it was the beer and the Fior 
He told her he had to keep taking 
Fiorinal every day for his headaches. 


One time Sterling knocked on the 
door and asked if he could come back 
and Gary told him to get lost. She told 
him she didn't like at all how rude he 
was with Sterling. Gary finally pulled a 
rug over her and unlocked the door so 
Sterling could get in, and then G 
came nd climbed under, and both- 
ered her a little more. It went on all 
night. They got very little sleep. 


About six in the morning, Ruth Ann 
came home from where she worked at 
the old folks home. It was mildly em- 
ba g to Nicole, because she knew 
Ruth Ann didn't necessarily have that 
high an opinion of her. All the same, 
gave an excuse to get up, which was 
right with Nicole. She wanted to be by 
herself for a whili 


Yet, before they separated, she gave 
him her address, It wa 1 step. He 
kept asking whether it was truly her 
house. When she said again it was, he 
told her he was going to come over 
after work. 


Sure enough, he was there, She had to 
go to the store, and left a note. All it 
said was, ry, ГЇЇ be back in a few 
minutes. Make yourself at home.” But 
that note managed to stay around the 
house all the time they were together. 
She would stash it, and the kids would 
get ahold of it, and then she and Gary 
would run across it ара! 


On this afternoon, when she came 
back, he was already standing in the 
front room, grubby-looking. His pants 
were the kind that look like they were 
made for a telephone man to carry tools 
in his pockets, and he had on a T-shirt 
and was dirty from working with insula- 
tion, and Nicole thought he looked 
beautiful. 


Later, when things quieted, they 
stayed up late again talking and it made 
her uneasy at how close this guy was to 
moving in with her. It truly scared her. 
Nicole had always thought of herself as 
phony when it came to love. She might 
start sincere, but she wasn't so sure she'd 
ever really been in love with a guy. She'd 
care about guys, and have a lot of 
crushes, some of them pretty heavy. 
Mostly, it was because the guy was good- 
looking, or did nice things to her. But 


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when she looked at Gary, she didn’t just 
see his face and the way he looked, 
it was more like Nicole felt in the right 
place for the first time. 


In days to come, she would no longer 
remember what it had been like in bed 
on the second night, although it was 
better. Maybe it set no records, but it 
wasn't hassled like the first. Then the 
days and nights began to run together. 
He didn't move in completely for a 
week, but he was living with her just 
about all the time. 


4 


On workdays, he had to get up carly, 
but she found it really OK to have him 
hugging her in the early morning and 
whispering he loved her. They both 
slept nude, but he still had to lay hands 
on her to be sure she was there. Of 
course, that could be a problem. Nicole 
hardly enjoyed to kiss him then. He 
didn’t smoke and his breath was good, 
but she smoked a lot and her mouth 
tasted awful at 5:30 A.M. 


Before too long, she would get out of 
bed. go in the kitchen, fix him sand- 
wiches and set the coffee on. She had a 
n short little bathrobe which some- 
times she wore, or she'd run around 
nude. He'd sit and drink his Carnation 
Instant Breakfast with a handful of vita- 
mins. He was a vitamin freak and be- 
lieved them good for energy. Of course, 
if he'd done a lot of drinking after work, 
he was tired in the morning. Still, he w: 
good company. He'd sit with her over 
coffee as long as he could, and keep look- 
ing at her, and would tell her she was 
beautiful, and that she amazed him, He 
had never believed a woman could be as 
fresh and sweet-smelling as she, and, 
indeed, Nicole was willing to hear all of 
that, for she liked her bath, and no mat- 
ter how the house or kids might look at 
times, she really cared about being 
inty. 


Without make-up, her face was fresh 
as dew, he told her. She was his elf, She 
was loveliness, he said. Alter a while, 
Nicole got the impression that he was 
just like her and could hardly compre- 
hend what was happening. The feeling 
of something beautiful next to you all 
the time. 


Then, just before he was ready to 
‚ he would get up and lock himself 
n the bathroom for 20 minutes. Nicole 
supposed he combed his hair and did his 
thing. Afterward, they'd spend five min- 
utes at the front door, and she would 
watch from there while he got in the car. 
A lot of times he'd have trouble starting 
it. Sometimes, after slipping on her 
Levis, she'd come out to push. Sometimes 
he would have to take her car. lt was 
dependent on which Mustang had the 


nost gas. They got pretty broke some- 
times. 


She didn't regret, however, quitting 
her job, She needed time to think. It was 
hard to stay scrious about a sewing 
machine when you wanted to dream all 
the time about your тап, Besides, they 
had his pay check, and her welfare, and 
Gary was just as happy if she quit 


While he was away, she'd piddle 
around, clean the housc, feed the kids. 
She'd work in the garden а lot. Some- 
times she would sit and drink coffee for 
a couple of hours and think about Gary 
Sit there and smile to herself. She felt so 
nice she couldn't believe some of the 
things she felt. It was the first time in her 
life she could act like a lady of leisure. 


Maybe a week after Gary came to live 
with her, she found a big yellow folder 
in his stuff with a bunch of papers about 
a dispute he had with a prison dentist. 
The arguments were all typed up in 
prison language and seemed so funny 
she just sat there and laughed) When 
she told Gary, however, he got upset. He 
had never mentioned he had false teeth. 
Bothered the hell out of him that she 
found out. 


OF course, it wasn't new to her. She 
had discovered it the first night. She 
had lived before with a guy who had a 
plate and knew how they felt. You could 
always tell when kissing а man, because 
they never wanted you to put your 
tongue in their mouth, whereas they 
were always putting their tongue in 
yours. She went so far as to tease him 
about the chompers, but he took it bad. 
Changed like somebody just turned out 
the lights. She still kept teasing him, as 
if to make him see it didn't bother her. 
She had no desire to compare him to 
other guys, or rate him in one depart- 
ment or another. She was ready to buy 
the package, string and all. 


Each day she kept coming across the 
realization that some of the little things 
he did gave her surprising pleasure. He 
didn't smoke, for instance, yet when he 
saw her rolling her own, he brought 
home a carton of cigarettes. It was beau- 
tiful, those little lifts. 


"They would sit around and drink beer 
in the evening, and there was hardly 
time enough together. All she wanted 
was more hours with him. She had al- 
ways appreciated any minute she had to 
herself, but now she would get impatient 
with wanting him to be back. When five 
o'clock rolled around and he was there, 
the day was made. She loved opening 
that first beer for him. 


Sometimes, he would take his BB gun 
out to the back, and they would shoot 
at bottles and beer cans in the twilight 
until you couldn't tell anymore when 


you were hitting except by the sound of 
the ricochet or a plink of glass. The 
twilight came down slowly. It was as 
if you were taking one breath and then 
another from a cluster of roses. The air 
was good as marijuana then. 


In those early evenin they stayed 
there were always kids around. 
baby sitter was a girl named 
adolescent who had a lot of 
lile cousins, and they came with her. 
Sometimes when Gary and Nicole got 
back from a drive, all those kids would 
be around and he would play with them 
He'd give them piggyback rides. They'd 
stand on his shoulders and touch their 
hands to the ceiling. He liked to play 
with the ones who had enough nerve to 
walk all the way across the room like 
that. They just loved the holy shit out 
of him. 


A lot of the time, though, as soon as 
he got home, they would get Laurel over 
and take off for a ride alone. 


Usually. they would eat at a drive-in. 
and a couple of times he took her to the 
Stork Club to play pool. There were 
alternoons right after work when they 
went to the shopping mall and selected 
y underwear for her, or picked up 
beer and cigarettes for the drivein movie. 

Pretty soon after they parked, he'd 
want her to take her clothes off. Then 
they would make it in the front seat. 
Gary just loved to have her naked. 
Couldn't get over the idea he was hold- 
ing a naked woman. 


E 


Once, watching Peter Pan, they got 
out and sat on the rear deck over the 
trunk, back to back, and she was naked 
then: The Mustang was parked way in 
the outfield, but there were other cars 
around, and she had nothing on. God, it 
was the nicest feeling. Alter all those 
years in prison, Gary was insane about 
watching her walk about with her bootie 
exposed and her boobs bouncing. She 
dug it that he liked her without clothes 
He had her right around his finger and 
she didn't mind it a bit 


Yet he didn't get arrogant. He was so 
touching when he asked her to do some 
thing. One night, she even took off her 
clothes on the back steps of the First 
Mormon Church, in Prove Park, prac 
tically the center of town. It was late at 
night. They just sat there on the steps, 
her clothes on the grass, and she danced 
a little, and Gary began to sing in a 
voice like Johnny Сахт, although т 
good, unless you were in love with 
and he sang Amazing Grace: 


агу, 


“Thro many dangers, toils and 
snares, 

1 have already come; 

"Тїз grace hath bro't me safe thus 
far, 

And grace will lead me home. 


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PLAYBOY 


246 


two in the morning, on a hot spring 
night, with the heat pushing in from the 
desert instead of the cold settling down 


from the mountains. 


"That night, very late at night, back in 
bed, they really made it. Just as the sex 
жаз going good. he talked of putting his 
rough hands on her soft warm bootie 
and of breathing into her soul, and she 
came with him then, really came for 
the first time. 


In the morning, she sat down and 
wrote a letter to say how much she loved 
him and that she didn’t want to stop. It 
was just a short letter and she left it out 
there by his vitamins. He didn't reply 
when he read it, but a night or two 
later, they were walking by the same 
church off Center Street and saw а fall- 
ing star. They both made a wish. He 
asked what hers could be, but she wasn't. 
going to tell him. Then she confessed 
having wished that her love for him be 
constant and forever. He told her that 
he hoped no unnecessary tragedies would 
befall them. 


5 


She wanted to hear about his life. 
Only he didn't want to talk about it. 
Preferred to listen to her. It took a 
while for Nicole to realize that having 


| COULDNT SLEEP. 


spent his adolescence im jail and just 
about every year since, he was more 
interested to learn what went on in her 
litle mind. He just hadn't grown up 
with sweet things like herself. 


In fact, if he did tell a story, it was 
usually about when he was a kid. Then 
she would enjoy the way he talked. It 
was like his drawing. Very definite. He 
gave it in a few words. A happene 
then B and C. Conclusion had to be D. 


A. His seventh-grade class voted on 
whether they should send valentines to 
one another. He thought they were too 
old. He was the only one to vote against 
it. When he lost, he bought valent 
to mail to everybody. Nobody sent 
one. After a couple of days, he got tired 
of going to the mailbox. 


B. One night, he was passing a store 
that had guns in the window. Found a 
brick and broke the window. Cut his 
hand, but stole the gun he wanted. It 
was a Winchester semiautomatic that 
cost $125 back in 1953. Later he got a 
box of shells and went plinking. “I had. 
these two friends" Gary told her, 
“Charley and Jim. They really loved 
that .22. And I got tired of hiding it 
from my old man—when I can't have 
something the way I want it, then I don't. 


really want it. So I said, Tm throwing 
the gun in the creck; if you guys have 
the guts to dive for it, it's yours.’ They 
thought I was bullshitting until they 
heard the splash. Then Jim jumped and 
hurt his knee on a big old sharp rock. 
Never got the gun. The creek was too 
deep. 1 laughed my ass off.” 


C. On his 13th birthday, his mother 
let him pick between having a party or 
getting a $20 bill. He chose the party 
and invited just Charley and Jim. They 
took the money their folks gave them 
for Gary and spent it on themselves. 
Then they told him. 


D. He had a fight with Jim. Got 


“angry and beat him half to death. Jim's 


father, a rough-and-tumble fucker, pulled. 
Gary off. Told him, “Don't come around 
here again.” Soon after, Gary got in 
trouble for something else and was sent 
to reform school. 


When his stories got too boiled down, 
when it got like listening to some old 
cowboy cutting a piece of dried meat 
into small chunks and chewing on them, 
why, then he would take a swallow of 
beer and speak of his Celestial Guitar. 
He could play music on it while he 
slept. “Just a big old guitar.” he would 
tell Nicole, “but it has а ship's wheel 
with hand spokes, and in my dreams, 
music comes out as I turn the wheel. I 
can play any tune in the world.” 


"Then Gary told her about his Guard- 
ian Angel. Once when he was three, 
and his brother was four, his father and. 
mother stopped to have dinncr in a 
restaurant in Santa Barbara. Then his 
father said he had to get some change. 
He'd be right back. He didn't come back 
for three months. His mother was alone 
with no money and two little boys. So 
she started hitchhiking to Provo. 


They got stuck on the Humboldt Sink 
in Nevada. Could have died in the des- 
ert. They had no money and had not 
caten for the second day in a row. Then 
me walking down the road with 
a brown sack in his hand, and he said, 
Well, my wife has fixed a lunch for me, 
but it's more than I can cat. Would you 
like some? His mother said, Well, yes, 
we'd be very grateful. The man gave her 
the sack and walked on. They stopped 
and sit down by the side of the road, 
and there were three sandwiches in the 
‚ three oranges and three cookies. 
Bessie turned to thank him, but the man 
had disappeared. This was on a long flat 
stretch of Nevada highway. 


aman 


Gary said that was his Guardian An- 
gel. Came around when you needed him. 
One winter night of his childhood, stand- 
ing in a parking lot, snow was all over 
the ground and Gary's hands hurt from 
cold. 1t was then he found new furdined 


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EE 


PLAYBOY 


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248 


mittens on top of the snow. They fit his 
hands exactly. 


Yes, he had a dian Angel. Only 
it left a long time ago. But on the night 
Nicole walked into Sterling Baker's 
place, he found his angel again. He liked 
to tell Nicole this when her legs were up 
on the dashboard of the car and her 
panties were off, and they were driving 
down State Sweet. 


It didn't bother her if somebody 
looked over. A big truck, for instance, 
pulled alongside at the light, and the 
guy up in his cab looked down into their 
car, but Gary and Nicole both laughed, 
because they didn't give a fat fuck, Gary 
lit a stick of pot and said it was going to. 
be the best lid ever. As they took a toke, 
he said, "God created it all, you know 


One night they went to the drivein 
early and discovered they were the first 
ones there. Just for the fun of it, Gary 
began to ride over the bumps between 
each row. Damn if this fellow from the 
management didn't come chasing out 
with a truck and tell them in a rude 
voice to quit riding around like that. 
Gary stopped, got out, walked over to 
the guy and told him off so bad, the 
fellow whined, “Well, you don't need 
to get that mad.” 

But Gary was. After dark, he took his 
pliers and clipped off a couple of speak- 
ers. Made a point of picking up a couple 
more next time they went to the dr 
Those speakers were good things to have 
around. You could hook one up in every 
room, and they would give you music 
throughout your house. They never got 
around, however, to installing them. Just 
left them in the trunk of her car. 


Sometimes they went wandering in 
the grass between the nut house and the 
mountains. The idea of being up on the 
big hill behind the loony bin gave Nicole 
a charge. A funny chill would swoop in 
like a wind, and the mountains above 
looked cold as ice, 


Once she was running around the 
place and he called to her. Something in 
his voice made her tear all the way down 
and she couldn't stop and banged into 
him, hitting her knee so hard it really 
hurt. Gary picked her up then. She had 
her legs wrapped around his waist and 
her arms over his neck. With her eyes 
had the odd feeling of an 
evil presence near her that came from 
Gary. She found it kind of half agree- 
able, Said to herself, Well, if he is the 
Devil, maybe I want to get nearer. 


closed, she 


It wasn't a terrifying sensation so 
much as a strong and strange feeling. 
like Cary was a magnet and had bro 
down a lot of spirits on himself. Of 
course, those psychos behind all those 
screened windows could call up anything. 
out of the night ground in back of the 
nut house. 


In the dark, she asked, 
Devil?” 


“Are you the 


At that point, Gary set her down and 
didn't say anything. It really got cold 
around them. He told Nicole he had a 
friend named Ward White who once 
asked him the same question 


Years ago, when Gary was in reform 
school, he walked into a room unex 
pectedly and Ward White was being 
butt-fucked by another kid. Gary never 
said a thing about it. He and Ward 
White were separated for years and then 
ran into each other again in jail. They 
still never spoke of it. One day, though 
Gary came into the prison hobby shop 
and Ward told him he had just received 
some silver from a mail house and asked 
Gary to turn it into a ring. Out of a 
book of Egyptian designs. Gary copied 
something called the Eye of Horus. 
When it was done, Gary said it was a 
magical ring and he wanted it for him- 
self. Never mentioned the old memory. 
He didn't have to. Ward White just gave 
him the Eye of Horus. Nicole always 
thought of that ring as being taken from 
the kid who got butt-fucked. and wasn’t 
sure she wanted to wear it. Might bring 
down more spooks 


6 


On the second weekend in June, Gary 
and Nicole made plans to go up to the 
canyons. But Nicole couldn't get a baby 
sitter. Laurel had to go to visit relatives. 


So, Saturday morning, Gary went over 
instead to Vern's shop to do some letter- 
ing on a sign, Annette, Toni's 
daughter, walk in. She was staying with 
Vern and Ida for the weekend while 
Toni and Howard were off to Elko, 
Nevada, with Brenda and Johnny to 
enjoy the slot machines and the crap 
games. Right there, putting eyes on 
Annette, Gary asked her to baby-sit 

Ida was opposed to the idea. Her 
granddaughter might look 16, she said, 
but, in fact, she was 12. There was too 
much responsibility for Annette to look 
after two little kids by herself. 

Gary wouldn't give up the idea. Later, 
when the job was done, and he was tak- 
ing cans of paint from Vern's store out 
to his car, he told Annette he'd give her 
five dollars to babysit. She wanted to, 
she told him, but she couldn't. She did 
have a present for him, however. That 
first Sunday Gary was out of jail, he had 
given Annette an art lesson at Toni's 
house, and now Annette had painted a 
plaque and wanted him to have it. He 
ғ 


and saw 


so pleased that he put his arm 
around her and gave Annette a peck on 
the cheek. Then they strolled down the 
street hand in hand. Gary was still trying 
to talk Annette into coaxing Ida a little 
more about the baby-sitting. 


Peter G 
back of № 


alovan, who rented a cottage 
n's house, was going into the 


shop as they were coming out, and 
he noticed Gary and Annette walking 
closely together, and stopping. He didn't 
like it. Gary had Annette leaning against 
1 while he talked. He looked like 
ving to make a lot of points as 
fast as he could. Pete went into the store. 
"Ida," he said, "I think Gary is proposi 
tioning your granddaught 


Three months before. while Annette 
had been staying with Ida, the child had 
been struck by a car right in front of 
their house. The car had hardly been 
moving and it was nothing serious. Still 
Auneue was with her grandparents and 
got hurt. Ida didn't want Toni to think 
something happened to Annette every 
time she visited. So she rushed to the 
window in time to sec Gary and Annette 
strolling back hand in hand 


“I don't know if that was the right 
thing for you to do,” she said. “You stay 
away from Annette.” 

Later, Vern said to Gary, "I don't 
want to see anything out of the way.” 


Next evening, Annette said to Toni, 
"Mama, we didn't do anything wrong. 
ve Gary the plaque, and he gave me 
ss on the cheek.” 

“Well, why did you walk down the 
street with him 
"Because a 
beetle I ever saw—was Il 

went looking at it.” 

"And you held hands." 

“I like him, Mama.” 

"Did he touch you anywhere? Did he 
give you anything more than ап affec 
tionate kiss?” 

"No, Mama.” 
look like she 


a 


big red bug—the biggest 


by. We just 


Annette gave Toni a 
nuts to ask. 


When Toni and her husband talked 
about it, Howard said, "Gary wouldn't 
try anything in front of the shoeshop 
ight on the sidewalk. Honcy, I dont 
believe there's anything to it. Let's just 
watch, and be kind of cautious." 


Monday, Vern told Pete that Gary was 
saying he would punch him out re 
good. Pete should wareh it 
"IE Gary comes in, and wants a scrap, 1 
don't want it in the store. You go back 
and fight it out.” Pete, however, didn't 
believe in strife. 


Vern said, 


Back when Gary was taking up Vern's 
concrete curbing with the sledge hammer 
Pete Galovan had been 


and the crowbai 
watching from his 
pressed with the amount of labor C 
put out in two days. So Pete, at first 
opportunity, had invited him to a church 
dance. 


window and wa 


Pete, as Brenda later told Gary, was 
more religious than anyone under God. 
It was like he had come out of the shell 
a little wobbly. He had a tendency to 
take people around the neck and get 
them to pray with him, Since he was also 


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PLAYBOY 


an immense fellow, 63", heavy, a little 
blown out around the middle and a big 
dough-faced friendly expression that 
looked right at you through his eye- 
glasses, you could hardly say no easily. 
But when he invited Gary to the dance, 
he was told immediately to get lost. 


Pete didn't want to fight him now. He 
had too many responsibilities. Pete was 
doing jobs for Vern to take care of his 
rent, and also working at three other 
places. He was employed by the Provo 
School District to maintain. the swim- 
ming pool, he was a part-time bus driver 
id he cleaned pets on the side. He 
was also trying to get back in the good 
graces of the Mormon Church. T 
made calls on his time. Morcover, he was 
doing his best to help his ex-wile, Eliza- 

ing seven 


beth, with the finances of т; 


kids from hei t marr 


ge- 

Needless to say, he was tired, and that 
wasn't even mentioning the continuing 
toll of his various nervous breakdowns, 
which had 
ast for lithium 
nking about getting into fisticulfs with 
stiffened up Pete's muscles and 


equired hospitalization іп 
treatment. Just 


On Mond: 


у. Pete was working in the 
shop during the late afternoon when 
Vern said, “Here he comes." 

Gary looked just the way Pete had pic 
tured him—all steamed up. The ugliest 
expression you could expe 


Gary said, “I don't like w 
Ida about me. I want an apology 

Pete answered, “I'm sorry if I upset 
you, but my ex-wife has girls that age, 
and J feel 

“Did you see me do anything?’ Gary 
interrupted. 

“I didn't see you do anything," Pete 
said, “but the appearance left no doubt 
in my mind what you were thinking.” If 
that sounded too strong, he added, "I 
apologize for what I said to Ida. Maybe 
I should have kept my mouth shut. I 
apologize for talking too much. But your 
interest in the girl still didn't look right 
to me." Pete just couldn't step all the 
way down when he wanted to be honest. 

“All right,” Gary said. "I want to 
fight. 


you told 


Vern was right there. "Out back," he 
said. T here was a customer in the store. 


Pete sure hadn't wanted to get into 
this. Walking to the rear alley a step or 
two ahead of Gary, he tried to get him- 
self psyched up by remembering his old 
feats of strength. He had been a future 
r until he shot himself by acci- 
п the foot at the age of 15, so he 
switched to shot-put and still won the 
high school state title. He had done con- 
struction work and knew his way around 
weight lifters. Pete was starting to build 
up to an idea of physical power as large 


250 as his own body, when blam! he was 


slammed on the neck from behind. Al- 
most went down. Just as he got himself 
turned around, Gary rushed, and Pete 
caught his face in a headlock. Immedi- 
ately, he dropped to the floor. That posi- 
tion was a lot better than boxing. On 
the floor, he could bang Gary's head on 
the cement. 


Of course, the grip put a great deal of 
pressure on Pete's ribs. His glasses broke 
in his breast pocket. Next day Pete would 
even have to go to the chiropractor 
for his neck and chest. But right now, 
he had him. Pete could see Vern stand- 
ing right over them and observing. 


If Gary had waited to stand up and 
punch nose to nose, Vern thought, he 
could have whipped the fellow. But here 
Pete had the hold and was ng all his 
240 pounds. That hold was the luckiest 
thing in the world for Pete. Pete would 
thump Gary's head on the floor and say, 
“Had enoug 

Gary could 


rdly breathe. “Oh, ohhh, 


ahhr, ahh," Gary would answer. Mum- 
bling was about all he could manage. 
Vern waited a minute, because he 


wanted Gary to get all of what he was 
getting. then said, "OK, he's had enough, 
Tet him up." Pete undid his grip. 


Gary was white in the face a 
ing a lot from the mouth. He ha 
in his eye about as mean as anything 
Vern had seen. 

Vern cussed him out. “You asked for 
it,” he said. “That was a rotten thing to 
do. Hit somebody from behind. 

“Think it was?” 

“Call yourself a man?" Vern got him 
by the arm. “Get in the bathroom. Clean 
yourself up." When Gary just stood 
there, Vern pushed him directly in. He 
didn't go too casily, but Vern pushed 
him anyway. 

"Then Gary turned around and said, 
“That's the way I fight. First hit counts.” 
hit," said Vern. “But not from 
ick. You're no man. Get yourself 
clean and go back to work." 


Pete started collecting himself. Felt 
shook up more than ever now. So soon 
as Gary came out of the bathroom, how- 
ever, he was s king Гог 
Looked ready to light agai 
Gary's face looked ready to do anything. 
So Pete picked up the telephone and 
said, “IE you don't leave right now, I'll 
call the police.” 

There was a long pause. Gary left. 


Pete made the call anyway. He didn't 
like the feeling left behind. A cop came 
over to the store and told Pete to come 
to the station and file a report. 


Vern and Ida weren't altogether op- 
posed to this. They told Pete that Gary 
was getting more out of line every day. 
Pete even got the name of Gary's parole 
officer, Mont Court, and gave him a call 
as well, but Mont Court said Gary came 


from another state, and he wasn’t sure 
he could send him back to jail that rou- 
tinely. Pete had a feeling the buck was 
being passed. Gary wouldn't be arrested 
unless he really worked at it. 


That night, Pete went to visit his 
ex-wife. “The next time it happens,” he 
said to her. “Gary is going to kill me.” 
Elizabeth was tiny and blonde and vo- 
luptuous and had a fiery disposition and 
was very wise as far as Pete was con- 
cerned, for she had kept her happy spir- 
its through a hundred personal disast 
Now she told him to ignore it. 

Pete said no. “It’s a certainty," he 
said. "He's going to kill me. Me or 
somebody else." He told her he was 
sensitive to Gary's agitation right now. 
It was part of the equipment God had 
given Pete to be that sensitive. But he 
also knew that when he got too re- 
sponsive to things. he got a breakdown. 
He tried not to have them anymore. 
he told Elizabeth, ry where 
he won't harm anybody. Jail is where he 
belongs, and I'm going to press charges." 


7 


Next day at work, Gary's mouth was 
swollen and face discolored. 

“What happened?" Spence asked, 

"I was drinking beer," Gary said, “and 
a guy said something I didn't like. So I 
took a swing at him. 

"Looks like the guy got the best of 
it," Spence said. 

‘Oh, no. You ought to see him. 

“Gary, you're on parole" lectured 
Spencer McGrath. “If you're in a bar 
d have a fight. they'll throw your 
in jail. When you can't handle a dri 
leave it alone.” 


Later that morning, Gary came over. 
“Spence, I thought about it," he said 
quietly, "and I believe you were telling 
me for my own good. I’m going to quit 
drinking.” 
pencer agreed. He tried to reinforce 
the lecture. Suppose that he, Spencer 
McGrath, went into a bar, had a few 
drinks, got into a fight, and the police 
came and threw him jail. He would 
be in a fix. right? But that would never 
be nearly as much trouble as if Gilmore 
got thrown in. That would be a direct 
ion of parole. 
sked, "Spence, have you ever 
been in jail?” 

“Well, no," said Spence. 


ry was expecting Nicole for lunch, 
but when she did not show up, he sat 
down next to Craig Taylor. the foreman. 
They were now friendly enough to eat 
together from е to time. It worked 
out well, because Gary liked to converse 
and Craig never said a word more than 
he had to, just flexed his big arms and 
shoulders. 


Today, Gary began to speak of prison. 
Now and again, he would go on about 


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THIS MONTH IN 


PLAYBOY 


252 


that. This may have been one of those 
days. Gary got around to me 
that he knew Charles Manson. 


Name-dropping, Craig decided, blink- 
ing his cyes behind his glasses. They 
wêre sipping beer, and Gary was a lot 
braver, Craig observed, when he had a 
few beers. “In prison, I killed a guy.” 
said Gary. "He was black and big and I 
stabbed him fifty-seven times. Then I 
propped him up on his bunk, crossed his 
legs, put his baseball cap on his head and 
stuck a cigarette in his mouth. 


Craig noticed Gary was taking pills. 
A white downer. Called it Fiorinal. Hc 
offered one to Craig, who refused it. 
Those pills didn't seem to make much 
difference in Gilmore's personality. He 
was sure keyed up. 


Nicole came in just as they were done 
cating. As soon as she and Gary started 
talking, Craig could see they looked up- 
set. They were squeezing cach other's 
hands and gave cach other a big kiss and 
said goodbye. The kiss was Gary's way 
of showing he had a beautiful chick and 
everybody better know it, but the squeez- 
ing of hands looked different. Afterward, 
Gary acted odd all afternoon. 


The message Nicole had brought at 
lunchtime was that Mont Court had gone 
out to their house in Spanish Fork to tell 
her that Pete was pressing charges of 
sault and Gary was in a serious situ 
if they weren't dropped. 

Gary said, "Don't worry, 
gripped cach other's hands. 


and they 


"The moment she said goodbye to Gary, 
however, Nicole did begin to worry. It 
was as if a doctor had come to the house 
and said they were going to amputate 
her legs. She knew Gary's mind. Don't 
worry. Don't worry, ‘cause I'm close to 
killing Pete. She decided she better talk 
to Galovan herself. 


Pete's GEE was grübby SS EU to 


was trying to итер out. 
last thing that would do anybody 
good was to return Gary to prison. All 
the while, Pete was dressed in an old 
sweaty T-shirt and dirty pants. He kept 
telling her a lot of stupid things. Said 


Gary hit him pretty good. 


She tried to keep calm and sensible. 
She wanted to explain about Gary and 
not get upset. Pete, she said, the guy has 
been locked up a long time. It takes a 
while to get used to being out. 


Pete Galovan kept interrupting. He 


didn't want to hear. Just a big plain old 
oaf. “The guy is dangerous,” Pete said, 


"he needs help." Then he added, 
been working hard long hours, and 1 
shouldn't have to take this kind of thing. 
He treated me badly. I'm now in pain.” 


She kept working on his sympathy. 


Pete would understand what she was say- 
ing, she said to him. He could sec that 
she loved Gary, and love was the only 
way to really help a person. 

“Love,” agreed Pete, “is the only way 
i; the spiritual power of God to a 
situation.” 

“Yes,” said Nicole. 
But this is a tough situation. Your 
far gone. He's a killer, 1 believe. 
ts to kill me. 


At that moment, Galovan was looking 
so bad to her that she said, “H you press 
charges, he'll be out on bail He'll get 
you then." She didn't take her eyes aw 

"Pete, even if they lock him up right 
away, he's still more important to me 
than my life. He's a hell of a lot more im- 
portant to me than your life. If he don't 
get you, I will." 


She had never said anything she meant 
more. She could fecl the shock come over 
Pete, as if he was bleeding inside over 
every part of him, past and present. 


Now he sat on the bed of his le 
cottage room feeling dirty and stale from 
sleep and exhausted from the way he 
needed his sleep. Before him was the 
face of this girl Nicole who was saving 
she was ready to kill him if he pressed 
charges. Pete felt so miserable, he could 
ay. This girl, whom he judged to have 
a good heart inside and a hectic rough 
life on the outside, this girl who was 
humble and wasn't frivolous, disliked 
him so much. 


He was also scared. He didn't have 
time to mess with the problem. Yet it 
didn't scare him at first as much as it 
hurt him. He felt pricked inside. Nicole 
loved Gary enough to be willing to com- 
mit murder for him. It hurt Pete that no 
woman had ever loved him that much. 


He thought about it, breathing in all 
the sorrows of these thoughts, and felt 
sorry for Nicole and touched by he 
“Well, relax,” he said, "calm Чом 
Maybe the guy deserves another chance 
Pete said, "I'll drop the charges." 


He got on his knees. “Given your per- 
mission," he told her, “I'd like to say а 
1 you." 
Nicole said OK. 
“It's for you 
g to need it” 


nd Gary. You're both 


He prayed that the Lord have mercy 
on Nicole and Gary, and bless them, and 
that Gary get some control of himself. 
Pete didn't remember all the things he 
said in the prayer, or even if he held 
her hand while he prayed. One was not 
supposed to remember what was said 
prayers. It was sacred at the moment, 
and not really to be repeated. 


When Nicole went out the door, there 
was а calm spirit in the room, and Pete 
felt happy enough to go over to visit 
Elizabeth. By the time he got there, 


however, he was upset all over again. 
There was horror to feel all over the 
city of Provo. He sat on the couch, and 
told what happened with Nicole, and he 
began to ay. Pete said, "He's a very 
dangerous man and he's going to kill 
me.” The more upset Pete got, the less 
Elizabeth. would show. She told him to 
cool it. 


Pete told her he was going out and 
get an insurance policy and put her in 
аз the beneficiary. That made Elizabeth 
feel terrible. Pete said, "If I can't give 
you money one way, I'll fix it this way. 
Then he asked her to marry him. One 
more time, she said, No. 
I'm dropping the d 
ted. 


ges,” Pete r 
"I'm not going to press charges. 
"Even though I fecl I should 
them." 


агре 


Next day Pete went out and got the 
insurance policy and went over to the 
Provo Temple and put Gary's name оп 
the list, so people would pray for him. 


8 


Early Sunday morning, lying in bed, 

sary asked Nicole to shave her pubic 
He had been talking about that 
for the last couple of weeks. Now she 
said уез. As she climbed into the tub, 
she was thinking, It really means some- 
thing to him. 


He helped. They were using a big pair 
of scissors, and being careful, and smil- 
ing a lot. Nicole felt bashful, but also 
thought it was the thing to do. She was 
not so much afraid of cutting the hair 
oll as of what it might look like aft 
ward. к 

He carried her from the bathtub to 
the bed and for the second time she had. 
an orgasm with Gary, She knew it had 
something to do with being a six-ycar- 
old pussy once more. 


That shaved little old tooty certainly 
made a hellion out of Gary this Sunday 
morning. Exer since the thing with Pete, 
he had been adoring her twice as much, 
It was like he was truly mad about her 
now. 


Sunday night, Laurel came over with 
her cousins and a friend named Rosebeth. 
Once Gary and. Nicole came back from. 
their drive, Laurel's duties as a baby 
sitter were over, and she went home. But 
Rosebeth stayed. on. She would sigh just 
looking at Gary. Nicole laughed. Rose 
beth was so young and so cute, and had. 
such a crush on Gary. Next night, she 


came over all by herself, апа before 
Nicole knew it, she invited Rosebeth 
to give Gary a kiss. Then they all 


laughed and Nicole gaye Gary a kiss. It 
got to the point where they had their 
clothes off, and lay around in bed. 

You couldn't call it an orgy, exactly. 


Rosebeth remained a virgin. She was 
ready, however, for anything eke. It 


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253 


PLAYBOY 


254 ex-cons 


got sweet. Nicole really liked the idea 
of giving this gift to Gary. 


Over the weekend, they did it more 
nd more. Once, Rosebeth came over in 
the daytime, and Gary closed the doors 
and windows. Since the neighbor kids 
were used to hanging around, you could 
feel them getting restless outside. God 
nows what the neighbors heard. It 
wasn't all that quiet. Nicole began to 
feel a little paranoid. If it ever came out 
that Gary was fooling with minors, he 
could blow his total case, Then it oc- 
curred to Nicole that she wasn’t in such 
a good spot, either. They might take her 
children away. 


She began to think of Annette. Nicole 
didn't have any doubt that Gary might 
have been having a few thoughts when 
he gave Annette that peck on the cheek. 
He did love young girls, But Nicole was 
also sure he would never have done any- 
thing, physically So from 
Nicole’s point of view, Pete was still out 
of line. Anyway, Nicole didn't feel ready 
to stop things with Rosebeth, 


In fact, she loved the way everything 
as new to the girl. Sex had never been 
new 10 Nicole. How beautiful if she'd 
been introduced 10 the subject like 
Rosebeth. It was exciting to watch Gary 
make her blossom. OF course, Gary also 
could get very demanding with the girl 
and order her to suck him good, stuff 
like that. It just turned him on the way 
the girl had this tremendous crush. 


Then Nicole had to face another prob- 
lem. While Gary was at work, Rosebeth 
still came over, and Nicole still wanted 
to get it on with her. She wondered if 
she was moving into that side of sex 
a little deeper. 


9 


A couple of days 
off to pay Val Conlin for the Mustang. 
He had already missed the fist. install- 
ment and Val was upset. Of course, it 
was no big incident. Half the people to 
whom Conlin sold cars were sooner or 
later delinquent in payments. It was just 
part of the ongoing hell of a success story 
that was Val's life. 


‚ Gary stopped 


In the last 15 years, Conlin had gone 
from being general manager of Orem 
BuickGhevrolet to owning the Lincoln- 
Mercury dealership. Then he got into a 
big dispute with the Ford Motor Com- 
pany and another with his partner, and 
before the was over, he had 


success story. V. J. Motors sold very old 
cars more often than not-so-old cars, just 
sold them off the lot for a little down. 
The rest when you could get it. People 
on welfare or picking up a little alimony, 
stalwart characters who couldn't 


get credit anyplace else. Those were his 
clients. 


Val was a tall, slim guy with eye- 
glasses and a keen and friendly face. He 
had the build of a golfer—relaxed 
shoulders and а bit of paunch. He was 
dressed this day in polyester red-checked 
pants and а pale-yellow sport shirt. Gary 
grubby with insulation whose pow- 
der coated his face, his nostrils and his 
clothing. Kind of a pale yellow to match 
Val's shirt. 


Conlin now gave Gary a lecture about 
missing the payment. Since V. J. Motors 
occupied what was once a hole-in-the- 
wall drive- restaurant, its showroom 
wasn't large enough to show cars. It just 
had a couple of desks, a dozen chairs 
and anybody who was there. You could 
hear everything Val Conlin had to say. 
Gary,” he now stated, “I don't want 
to go out and start knocking on doors. 
I told you how it works. We try to set a 
rate people can handle. We agreed you 
could bring in fifty bucks every two 
weeks. So don't give me any manure that. 
you're going to pay a hundred next weck, 
or two hundred next month. You got to 
start bringing the money in on time.” 


“Т don't like this car,” Gary said. 
“Well, it's nor a real slick car, 

Val. 
“It gets left at the intersection by 


every other heap. It's a bad car 

"Pardner, said Val, “lets get it 
straight. When you buy a car here, I'm 
doing you the favor. You can't buy from 
anybody but m 

“What I really want is a truck.” 

"Get the payments in on time. Once 
you pay this off, we can swap for a truck. 
But I want my fifty, Gary, every two 
weeks, Otherwise, you walk. 

Gary cashed his pay check and gave 
him $50. 


That night, Nicole and Gary had a 
bad one in bed. It went on too long and 
once again he was three quarters erect, 
half erect, it finally went all bad. Gary 
got up, got dressed, stomped out of the 
house, went to sleep in the car. It made 
Nicole mad as hell he had walked out, 
and it didn't help that he woke the kids. 
up en route, 


She told herself that if she was going 
to mellow him our, she'd have to calm 
herself. There had been other times, after 
all, when he blew out of the house and 
sat in the car. Usually when the kids" 
noise was drilling him. She knew from 
what he told her that the level of noke 
in prison was always high, and his cars 
were oversensitive. Somehow, with all 
the years he had put in, he could never 
get used to the sound. 


Now she managed to get the kids 
together, gave them warm milk, tucked 
them nd went out to his Mustang. 
He was sitting behind the wheel silent 


as stone. She did not talk for ten 
minutes. Then she slipped a hand over. 


On the next weekend, Gary ran into 
Vern. They stared at cach other. Good 
Lord, Vern said to himself, he is giving 
me one di look. "Don't think I'm 
much of a man, do you?" Gary asked. 

Maybe I don’ па turned 
and left. Afterw 


1, he felt bad. 


Same day, while Toni was visiting. 


didn't know what to 
about to accuse Gary—the poor guy 
been accused of enough things in 
life. On the other hand. she didn't think 
it was right to let it all ease by unspoken. 
Annette was a beautiful young lady and 
ary could have had intentions. 


She went imo the kitchen to get a 
cup of cofice, and Gary chose to come 
out of the bathroom then. They were 
obliged to look right at cach other. 


Gary said, "Toni, you haven't men- 
tioned this thing with Annette.” 

She answered, “Gary, if there's some- 
thing to say, ГЇЇ say it. 

He took hold of her hand and said, 
“Hon, I'd never hurt you or your fam 
ly." There was a silence. Toni believed 
him. That is, she believed she could ac- 
cept what he said, Still, she also felt she 
wasn’t going to let Annette be alone 
th him. There was always the other 
possibility. 

"Gary, I go along with уоп," she an- 
swered at last, "but, just remember, I'm 
a mother first 

He smiled and said, “If you weren't, 
Td be disappointed in you." He gave her 
a kiss on the check and walked back to 
the front room. 


Brenda tried to amuse Gary by telling 
a story about Val Conlin. In the old 
days, when Val had the Lincoln-Mercury 
dealership, he always acted like a big 
shot at the Riverside Country Club. Had 
been the type to snap his fingers at the 
esses, Brenda was working his table 
once and thought Val kind of brusque, 
so she said, "How'd you like me to drop 
this soup on your head? 

“How'd you like me,” Val answered, 
“to get you-fired for that last remark: 

“Га tell my boss you were lying,” she 
said. 


м 


Gary Taughed. He hugged her апа 
lifted her up in the air with no trouble, 
considering that she was 155 pounds at 
that point. He was awfully strong. How 
had he ever lost the fight to Pete? 


Gary must have been sitting in her 
brain, “Brenda,” he said, "irs not 
through yet. In prison, you don't leave 
things like that undone.” 


10 


The following Saturday, Gary and 
Nicole still planned to take a trip into 


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the canyons, but now both Mustangs 
were giving them trouble. It made Nicole 
wonder about their luck. All last week, 
Garv's car had been dead every moming. 
Having to get it pushed made him late 
for work. On this Saturday, he even 
decided to visit Spencer McGrath, who 
might know what was wrong. 


Spencer said right off he probably 
needed a battery. “There's nothing 
wrong with the old one,” Gary told him. 
Spencer said, "How do you kno 
Gary said, "Well, it looks all right 

er laughed, "You can’t tell by 


Spence went over to the shop. got a 
meter, checked it out. The reading was 
awfully low. “The battery," he said, "has 
а dead cell in it. 
ary said in a hollow voice, “Well, 
am I going to do?" 

Spence said, “Buy yourself a new one. 
They go for twenty to thirty, along in 
there." 


wh 


Gary said, “Gee, I don't have it.” 
You got paid just yesterday," Spence 
said 
know,” said Gary, “but I made the 


nstallment, and there's not much 


y said, "I probably can make it 
Just don't have enough to buy a new 
battery.” Spencer loaned him $30. 


Gary was back in half an hour. At 
K Mart. a honey had been found for 
$29.05. With tax, it was $32. Spence 
said, "I guess you had to take a couple 
of dollars out of your pocket?” 

“Well, yes,” Gary said. 

Spence said, “Gary, how are you going 
to get through this wi 

Gary didn't know. Spence gave him 
another five for gas and said, "Pay the 
car off. We'll work it out.” 


The $32 for the battery was the be 
ning of a real run of rotten luck. Mon- 
day night, thinking he would surprise 
her, Gary went to pick up Nicole at 
driver's training school and found his 
lady sauntering down the hall with four 
guys in tow. As soon as she saw Gary, 
she rushed right up, gave a big smile and 
tried to Jet everyone know that she was 
his. But she could feel how the bolt went 
through, On the way home, he said, “I 
won't tie you down.” She knew he was 
thinking of all the dudes who had been 
in her life 


He told Sterling about it. "She's free. 
I don't want to lean on her freedom,” 
he said. He crossed over to the cemetery 
that faced all the houses on Sterling's 
street, and Sterling went with him. There 
was one grave that had no flowers. A 
little boy's grave. Gary went around and 


took flower from each of a number of 
other graves and put them in a rusty 
little vase by the boy's headstone. Then 
they turned on to some good pot. Right 
away, Gary had to get out of the 
cemetery. Told Sterling he was seeing 
himself in a tomb. 


One night soon after, Rikki was at 
Sterling's and Gary started needling him 
to arm wrestle. Bragged to Nicole of how 
he had beat her brother. They got into it 


Nicole didn't know if Gary was worn 
out from the night before, but Rikki 
took him this time. That is, was about to 
win, but Gary cheated something ob- 
vious, and even lifted his elbow olf the 
table. 


ow Gary wanted to try with the 
other arm. Rikki really got him. That 
left Gary giving dirty looks. On the way 
home from Sterling's, he dropped by 
little store that was open all hours and 
stalked out with two six-packs. 


It was risky to steal from that small 
a place, but he had technique. Picked 
up two six-packs, not one. No hesitation 
in his walk, At the same time, he man- 
aged to make his face look unpleasant 


Not for too little would you break into 
such thoughts to ask И he had paid for 
the bcer. 


ever bothered him, he got 
brave always been ready to 
boost if she needed something, and once 
they got together. she might even have 
been the first to do it, but Gary showed 
her how to really walk out with some- 
thing. It had been a joke for a while. By 
now she had to notice that if anything 
went wrong, he'd steal to cheer them up. 


Then he'd drink it afterward. Always 
getting loaded on beer. She came to 
rcalize that there had only been a couple 
of nights he wasn't drinking tried 
to keep up. but didn't like it that much. 
He wouldn't even let her leave beer 
Didn't like to waste it. If she popped a 
c 


he kept after her to finish. 


icole was kind of irked that Gary 
was not only ripping stuff off but letting 
body know. He was even bragging 
to his uncle. Things weren't right yet. 
but Gary had to drop by anyway and 
offer a case. When Vern noticed that the 
trunk of the Mustang held two more of 
the same, he asked Gary how he could 
afford it. 


ever 


I don’t need money.” Gary said. 


“Do you realize," 
you're breaking your parole? 

"You wouldn't turn me in, would you?” 

“I might,” said Vern. “If it persists, 
I might turn you in.” 


Vern, “that 


One day he came home with water skis 


and that bothered Nicole. It just w: 


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so make your mixer 


Canada Dry: 


More people mix with 
Canada Dry Club Soda than 
any other brand. 

Its pinpoint carbonation 
keeps your scotch, rye, or 
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NORTON SIMON INC 
©1978 Canada Dry Corporation, 


PLAYBOY 


worth the risk He was stealing some- 
thing he probably couldn't sell for more 
than $25, yet the price tag was over $100. 
meant they could get you for 
y. Nicole hated such dumb habits. 
He would take a chance on all they had 
for 25 bucks. It came over her that this 
the first time she ever disliked him. 


As if he sensed it, he then told her 
the worst story she ever heard. It was 


ago, while still a kid, 
he pulled off a robbery with a guy who 
was a true sadist. The manager of the 
supermarket was there alone after closing 
and wouldn't give the combination to 
the safe. So his friend took the guy up- 
ling 


supergross. Үс 


stairs, heared a cu ‘on, rammed it. 


She couldn't help h 
The story got way 
of that fat super manager trying 
to hold on to the money and the poker 
going up his ass. Her laughter reached 
10 the place where she hated people who 
had a lot of things and acted hor shit 
about it. 


self. She laughed. 
She had a picture 


For the first time, she had a day when 
she thought she shouldn't be living with 
Gary so much, A part of her simply 
didn't like staying that close to a 
lor so long a stretch; but as soon as she 
realized. how she felt, Nicole knew she 
couldn't tell him. He expected their 
souls тө breathe together. More and 
more, however, an old ugly feeling was 
coming back. It was the way she got 
when she had to fit herself to somebody. 
You could put that off only so long. She 
still felt better with Gary than with 
anyone else, but that wasn't going to 
change the fact that when she got into 
1 mood, it was like she had two sow 
and one of them loved Gary a lot less 
n the other. Of course, maybe a part 
me way. He couldn't be 
loving he much when they got into 
one of those five-hour deals. 


the 


It happened the night he brought 


home the water skis. Next morning, she 
wondered if it had to do with her ex- 
husband Barrett, Jim had popped up the 
other day while Gary was out at the store 
Walked through the door cool as you 
please after being away for months, 
Maybe it was just conditioned reflex, but 
she felt a little stirring down there. 


After Barrett left, she felt bad ar the 
way she had only kind of told Gary the 
truth, She had no respect for Barrett, 
that was right. But she hadn't let Gary 
know he could be an eel when it came 
to wiggling all the way in. So when Gary 
met Jim this first time, he hadn't acted 
too heavy. OF course, Barrett just came 
on like he was the father of Sunny and 
ppy to be tolerated, Still, Nicole felt 
like she was keeping a rotten secret. 
Because Barrett could pass a cigarette 
and make something out of it. Tickle 
your memory like he was tickling your 
palm. Hint that you had a gift to offer 


Now, those last couple of nights, she 
had been tripping a little on good things 
in the past with Jim 10 get herself more 
in the mood for Gary, Barrett's timing 

s » good, just as Gary's—she 
had то admit—was getting a little crude. 
Since Rosebeth, Gary had to make love 
six or seven times а week. Maybe they'd 
skip a night, but make up for it with two 
another. It was his idea, not hers. She 
enjoyed it more a day or two apart, but 
he kept pressing his damn luck. 


This night, fom seven to midnight, 
Nicole and Gary argued first about die 
water skis, then everything else. Finally 
she convinced Gary she wasn't going to 
fuck him. He had gone too far on up- 
pers, downers and around-ers, If she had 
a gilt, Gary was not exactly bringing it 
out. Not with his demands to do this. do 
that. Suck him now. She looked at Gary 
their bodies and said, “I hate 
sucking cock." 


across 


The Fiorinal had put a glaze on his 


еуез, but her words still hit. He took 
off. Left at midnight and didn't come 
back until two А.м. He was hardly 
through the door when he wanted to get 
going again. 


Why? she asked. Like a dunce. Do it 
because 1 want you to, he said. It was a 
bad as the first night. They didn't get 
to sleep till five. 


11 


Gary had his eye on a truck. The one 
on the lot that was painted white. 

"Buddy," said Val, "pay off the Mu 
tang and ГИ get you something better. 

“Î got to have that truck.” 

“No can do without mucho mazuma,” 
said Val. The truck was up for sale at 
51700. “Listen, pardner, unless you come 
back with a cosigner, it’s too good a 
ack for you." 
Gary thought 
cle Vern. 


he could. Maybe his 


aid Val, “and I don't 
he's in shape for this kind of 
credit But, if you want, have him fill 
out the application. We can always see 
what we can do. 

“OK” said Gary, "OK." He hesitated. 
“Val,” he said, “that Mustang is no good, 
I had to put a new battery in, and an 
alternator. It came to fifty dolla 

“What do you want me to do? 

“Well, if 1 buy the truck, I think you 
t Thad to lı 


could allow for wl 
the Mustang; 
ry. you buy the 
knock that fifty dol 
Just get a cosigner. 
"Val 1 don't need a co: 
make the payment 
No cosigner, no truck. Let's keep it 
simple, pardner.” 
"The goddamn 
good. 
Gary, I'm doing you the favor. If you 
don't want the Mustang, leave the son of 
à bitch right out there 
1 want the truck. 
"he only way you get the tuck is by 


y out on 


ruck, and we'll 
s off. No problem. 


gner. 1 can 


Mustang isn't any 


putting a lot of money on the front end 
of the loan. Or come in with a cosigner. 
Here, take this credit application to 
Vern.” Е 

Gary sat across the desk, looking out 


the window at the white truck on the 1 
of the line. It was as white as the snow 
you could still see on the peak of 
mounta 


the 


“Gary 
bring it back.” 

Val knew it. Gary was madder th 
hell. He didn't say a word, just took the 
application, got up, walked out the door, 
wadded it up and threw it on the ground. 
Val's salesman, said, "Boy, 


fill out the application and 


l. Around 
n of the 


L 4 


Discover 


Arctic 


Lights 


-more menthol refreshment than 
any other low'tar'cigarette. 


Full menthol refreshment. That's what 
ARCTIC LIGHTS delivers. 

A very special kind of menthol refresh- 
ment you just won't find in any other low 
‘tar’ menthol cigarette. 

You see, while the filter holds back ‘tar,’ 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


the unique new ARCTIC LIGHTS men- 
thol blend comes right through. Result? 
You get the iciest, brightest taste in men- 
thol smoking—puff after puff. Light up 
your first AR C LIGHTS. You just 
won't believe it's a low ‘tar’ menthol. 


1978 BEW T Co. 


Э то. “tar”, 0 .8 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by ЕТС method. 


mill. Just his hell of а success story Бой 
ing away. 


In the middle of making love that 
night, Gary called Nicole pardner. She 
took it wrong. Thought he was jiving 
at her for getting it on with Rosebeth, 
But as he tried to explain later, he often 
called men and women alike by buddy 
or pal, pardner, things like that. 


PLAYBOY 


moment to 


Now he had to pick tl 
look up with all the light of love sh 
ing in his eyes. “Baby,” he said, 
really love you all the way and forever. 
She looked back. “Yeah,” she said, 
nd so do seven other motherfucker: 


G: hit her. It was the first time, and 
he hit her hard. She didn't feel the pain 
so much as the shock and then the dis- 
appointment. Tt always ended the same 
way. They hit you when they felt like i 


Son he apologized. He kept 
apologizing, But it did no good. She had 
been hit so fucking many times. She 


looked at Gary and said, “I want to die. 
It was how she felt. He kept trying to 
make ир. Finally, she told him that she 
had felt like dying before but nev 
anything about it. Tonight, she wouldn't 
mind. 


G 


did 


got a knife and held the point to 


stomach. He asked her if she wanted 
to die. 


hi 


It was frightening that she wasn't more 
id. After a few minutes, she finally 
"No, I don't," but she had been 
tempted. After he put the knife away, she 
even felt wrapped, She couldn't believe 
the size of the bad feeling that came 
down on her then. 


Next night, Шеу had one more mara- 
thon, Up all night about whether to fuck. 
In the middle, around midnight, he took 
off. Not too long later, he came in with 
a bunch of boxes, There was a pistol in 
every box. 


She got over it a little. She had to. 
The guns hung around. 


In the evening, driving around with 
Nicole and Sunny and Jeremy, he 
stopped at V. J. Motors to talk to Val 
Conlin about the truck. Even got to take 
it out for an hour. Gary was that happy 
up high behind the wheel with some- 
thing like a real motor in front of them. 
All the while, she could feel him thin! 
ing of the guns. They were shining like 


$55 in his eye 


When he got back, he talked to Val 
about the sizc of a down payment. Nicole 
was hardly listening. It was boring to sit 
the showroom with all the freaks and 
dead beats who were waiting to get some 
piece of a car. One girl was wearing a 
turban and had a big swipe of eye shadow 
der each суе, and her blouse just about 
250 pulling out of her belt. She said to 


Nicole, “You have very beautiful eyes 
“Thank you,” said Nicole. 


Gary kept repeating himself like a 
record with a scratch. “I don't want that 
Mustang,” he said to Val. 

“Then lets get closer to the truck, 
buddy. We're not near it. Come in with 
a cosigner or with money. 


Gary stalked away, Nicole hardly had 
time to gather the Kids and follow. Our 
side the showroom, Gary was swearing 
like Val had never heard him swear be- 
fore. Through the window, Val could 
sce the Mustang, and it wouldn't start. 
Gary sat there pounding the wheel as 
hard as he could. 


Jesus." 
is really hot- 
"I don’t give a shit," said Val, and 
walked through the people sitting around. 
with their debts on different cars. Yeah, 
Im right on top of the mountain, 
thought Val, and went outside and said 
to Gary, "What's the matter?” 
“This son of a bitch" 
"this goddamn c 
"Well. now, hold it. Let's get some 
jumper cables, we'll get it started," and, 
of course, Val did, just needed the boost, 
nd Gary took off in a spray of gravel 
like he had a switch to his hind end. 


id Harper, “this time, he 


said. Gary, 


By the following night, Gary had a 
guy who would sell the guns, But the 
had to meet him. That meant carrying 
the guns in the car. Gary didn't have a 
license and Nicole’s Mustang still had 
last year's plates. Both cars had the crap- 
py kind of look a state trooper would 
pull over for nothing. So they had quite 
an argument before they finally put the 
pistols in her trunk and started ou 
They brought the kids along. The kids 
might be insurance against a state troop- 
er waving them over for too little. 


On the other hand, Sunny and Jeremy 
made her awfully aware of his d 
tonight. That definitely got Nicole nerv- 
ous. He finally swung into the Long 
Horn Café, а taco joint between Orem 
and Pleasant Grove, to make a phone 
call. Only he couldn't get ahold of the 
guy who was to peddle the guns. Gary 

vas getting more and more upset. It 
looked like the evening was going to get 
totally squandered. A sweet early sum- 
mer night. 


and looked in the car for 


nother phone 
number, then started tearing pages out 


of the book. By the time he finally found 
the number, his guy was out. Sunny and 
Jeremy were beginning to make a lot of 
noise. Next thing she knew, Gary spun 
out of the Long Horn and headed back 
toward Orem. He was going 80. She wi 
petrified for the kids. Told him to pull 
over. 


He slammed to the shoulder. А screech- 


ing halt. He turned around and started 
spanking the kids. They hadn't even 
been making a sound the last minute. 
Too scared of the speed. 


She started hitting Gary right there, 
hit him with her fists as hard as she 
could, hollered for him to let her out 
of the car. He grabbed her hands to 
hold her down, and then the kids started 
screaming. Gary wouldn't let her ош. 
Then this really dumb-looking guy 
walked by. She must have sounded as if 
Gary was killing her, but the fucker jus 
stopped and said, "Anything wrong? 
Then walked on. 


Nicole wouldn't stop hollering. Gary 
finally wedged her into the space be 
tween the bucket seats and got his hand 
over her mouth. She was trying not to 
pass out. He had his other hand on her 
throat to hold her down. She couldn't 
breathe, He told her then that he would 
let her go if she promised to be quiet 
and go home. Nicole mumbled, Ok. It 
was the best she could get ош. The mo- 
ment he let go, she started yelling. When 
his hand came back to her mouth, she bit 
real hard into the flesh near his thumb. 
asted the blood. 


Somehow, she didn't know how, she 
got out of the car. She couldn't remem- 
he let her go or if she just 
Maybe he let her go, She 
oss the street to the middle of the 
a kid in cach hand, and 
started walking. She would hitchhike. 


ber 


an to follow on foot. At first 
car 
ry 


Gary be 
he let her try to bum a ride, but 
Imost stopped for her, and so 
tried to pull her back to the Mustang. 
She wouldn't budge. He got smart and 
tried to yank one of the kids away. She 
wouldn't let loose, hung on with all she 
had. Between them, it must have been 
stretching the kids, Finally, a pickup 
truck pulled over and a couple of gu 
came over with a chick. 


а 
in а year. Pepper. 


The girl happened to be an old fri 
cole hadn't scen 
rst girlfriend ever. Yet Nicole 
t even think of the last name, 
that upset. 


ary said, "Get out of here, this is a 


amily matter." Pepper looked at Gary, 


"We know Nicole and you ain't family- 
That was all of it. Gary let go and 
walked up the street toward her car. 
Nicole got the kids into Pepper's truck 
nd they took off. The moment she re- 
membered how once she had wanted 
everything to be good for Gary, she 
started crying. Nicole couldn't help it. 
She cried a lot. 


This is the first of three installments 
of “The Executioner's Song.” Part two 
will appear in the November issue. 


WHICH NEW HIGH BIAS 
TAPE WINS WITH MAHLER'S 
FOURTH SYMPHONY? 


Choose eight measures of Mahler's Fourth 
that are really rich in the high frequencies. 
The type of passage that high bias tapes are 
designed for. 

Record it on your favorite high bias cassette, 
using the Chrome/CrO: setting. Then again 
on new MEMOREX HIGH ВІА 

Now play back the tapes. 

We're convinced you'll have a new favorite. 


New MEMOREX HIGH BIAS is made with _ 
an exclusive ferrite crystal oxide formulation 
No high bias tape delivers greater high 
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response across the entire frequency range. 


In short, you can't find a high f bias cassette. 
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Recording Tape and Accessories. 
Is it live, or is it Memorex? 


Original manuscript sketch for the first 
movement of Gustav Mahler's Fourth. 
Symphony. Courtesy of The Newberry 
Library, Chicago. 


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80 Proof. Renfield Importers, Ltd. New York 


CODI STE SCENE 


HABITAT. 
CALL TO ALARMS 


ven the best-laid plans of busy men can go astray because somebody overslept or forgot about an engagement. To ensure that this 
doesn't happen to you, take a look at the alarm-equipped products pictured below. Two are clock-radios that incorporate some 
nifty innovations, while the third is a futuristic-looking electronic reminder that jogs yourmemory about daily appointments and 
also doubles as an alarm clock. They sure beat Be = => tying a string around your finger. 


Above: The Great 
Awakening, an AM/FM LED 
clock-radio with memory station 
recall and battery backup features, 
also incorporates three wake-up meth- 

ods (music, alarm and music/delayed 

alarm) and twin wake-up times for his/ 

her convenience, by General Electric, $116.95. 


RICHARD IZUI 


Left: Time Trac, a wedge-shaped electronic 
clock, timer and calendar that measures 
just 34" x 512", reminds you of daily 
commitments and lets you program up 

to 30 appointments for both time 

and date, by Comus, $79.95, 

including batteries. 


Above: kandix Industries" portable 
LCR-41 AM/FM clock-radio meas- 
ures only 10%" x 4%" x Tz" when 
open, includes snooze and auto- 
matic shutofí, $99.95, with battery. 


FASHION 
GOING STRAIGHT 


uddenly last summer, everything below the male waist 
changed. It might have had something to do with the 
terrific way girls looked in tight-legged jeans. (They cer- 
tainly affect us below the waist.) And perhaps itis inevita- 
ble thal we tire of dressing the same way, day after day. Whatever 
the reason, almost overnight, wide, flared slacks looked as dated 
as Gene Sarazen’s knickers—and trouser legs tightened up, but 


quick. Just in case this slight alteration took you by surprise, here 
are seven pairs of narrow-cut slacks ranging from a dressy wool 
flannel style to a knockabout denim that will give you a leg up on 
building a better pants wardrobe. We chose them as examples of 
basic styles that are adaptable to most situations. For more ver- 
satility, also check out what's available in satin, velvet, etc. Why 
shouldn't putting your pants on be fun, too? 


— DAVID PLATT 


No, we're not handing you a line when we say that the seven pairs of 
slacks hanging below are an excellent beginning to your new narrow- 
legged wardrobe. At far left are pleated wool flannel ones lined to the 
knee, by Georgette Ghica Designs, about $105. Мех! to them: a wool 
tweed style with a continuous waistband, by Lonergan/Amerigo, about 
$80. Third from left: cotton corduroy superslim straight-legged jeans, by 
The Lee Company, about $20. In the middl pair of worsted wool twill 
single-pleated slacks with an extension waistband, belt loops and 


off-seam pockets, by Trousers by Barry, about $100. For denim fans, 
these cotton ones, by Pierre Cardin Jeans, have jean pockets and tapered 
legs, about $36. Second from right: wool herringbone slacks with belt 
loops featuring a double-pleated front, top pockets and two button- 
through flap pockets, plus tapered legs, by Georges Rech, about $145. At 
far right: a pair of Dacron/cotton double-pleated slacks that come witha 
green-canvas belt and have on-seam pockets, a button-through pocket 
and tapered legs, from John Weitz Slacks by Glen Oaks, about $25. 


z 
ї 
8 
o 
Ei 
á 


© 1979 RJ REYWOLDS TOBACCO CO. 


“CAMEL TASTE. 
NOTHING ELSE COMES 


The only thing a Camel puts between 
you and the tobacco is quality. And the 
quality Camel blend has never been 
matched in 66 years. The result is taste 
and satisfaction, and it's the reason 
Camel smokers stay Camal.smokers. „ 


$ 


y 
25 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous toYour Health. 


25 mg. “tar”, 16 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette, FTC Report MAY 78. 


GEAR 


HIP TO FLASKS 


ome things go better with a little nip from a friendly hip 
flask: college football games, polo matches, dry-fly fishing 
ona wet day and even a walk in the woods. But flasks have 
something else going for them besides the capacity to 
carry spirits. Offer a friend a pull from a bottle and you look about 
ascool as the brown-baggers who hang out on the corner, watch- 


ing all the girls go by. But pass that person your antique silver 
English officer’s flask—now, that's class. And it's also classier if 
you fill your favorite portable container with something espe- 
cially palatable and fraught with character. A single-malt Scotch 
goes nicely with a flask, as does VSOP cognac, well-aged bour- 
bon, Irish whisky or even a mellow dark rum. Caps off, men! 


VON 


Following the numbers: 1. A pair of 12-02. glass flasks with chrom: 


ger caps all housed in a vinyl case, by Royalshire, $20. 2. Large glass flask with 


chrome shoulders and jigger cap, by Irvinware, $4. 3. Sheffield-made antique silver English officer’s flask holds 12 ozs., from Jenny B. Goode, New 


York City, $200. 4. 


Glass 8-02. travel flask with vinyl case, by Irvinware, $8.50. 5. English-made hammered-pewter flask, from Dunhill of London, 


Chicago, $30. 6. Hammered-silver flask, from Cartier, New York City, $110. 7. Pewter-and-calfskin 6-02. flask, from Dunhill of London, $35. 


267 


Bebe Gets It On 
just doing a little publicity stunt for her new boyfriend, Elvis 
her right breast is this year’s model, but Costello had an album— 
well, never mind. Buell, our November 1974 Playmate, used to go with musician 
Todd Rundgren. Rock was always in her blood; 
now it's on her chest. 


Straight Shooters 

Here are a couple of pool sharks, OMAR SHARIF and JAMES COBURN, working 
оп a movie, The Baltimore Bullet. We hear that Willie Mosconi taught Sharif, the 
champ, and Coburn, the contender, how to stay before the eight ball. 


GRAPEVINE 


© 1979 LYNN GOLDSMITH INC, 


8 
< 
+ 


эш. ЗА ELT Ys p 
He Got the Sony, but I Got the House 


With herpalimony case settled and Alana married to Rod, it 
doesn't look as if BRITT EKLAND is doing too much suffering 
these days. Shaking both legs and her booty at Studio 54, 
Britt makes blondes look like more fun. As for her former 
other half, sexiness is just about to be replaced by diapers 
and bottles. Say good night, Rod. 


© 1079 MANNING ISYGMA 


© 1978 RUSSELL С, TURIAK 


Uneasy Street 
Recently, JACK NICHOLSON arrived 
at his new suite of outdoor offices 
(inflation strikes everyone equally, 
after all) to search through his de- 
signer desk for scripts. till, Jack's pre- 
pared for lunch at the Polo Lounge, 

just in case some producer stops by: 

Pinstripes are always in fashion. 


Would You Buy Solar Energy from This Man? 
Returning to the set of his forthcoming movie The Electric Horseman, ROBERT REDFORD. 
was asked to comment on the rumor that he's considering а run for the Senate. Sticking out 
your tongue may not constitute confirmation or denial, but it's pretty direct, and Congress 
could use some more people who mean what they say. Right, Jimmy? 


© 1978 RUSSELL C, TURIAK. 


© 1029 LYNN GOLDSMITH INC. 


Big Wheels 

Keep On Rolling 

15 there life after puberty? If you take a look at 
TANYA TUCKER, the answer has to be yes, abso- 
lutely, Her last couple of album covers attest to it, 
and her voice has never been better. It's not nice to 
fool Mother Nature, and Tanya doesn't. 


270 


SEX NEWS. 


MONTEZUMA HAS 
NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS 


Rampant sexual transmission of two in- 
testinal diseases is giving oral-genital and 
oral-anal sex a bad name. V.D. centers in 


‘GARRICK MADISON. 


Remember Tutankhamania? Tut, who has 
kept the U. S. in line for three years, leaves 
for Toronto next month. So here's the 
T-shirt of the month—a Pharaoh's farewell. 


majorurban areas report increased cases of 
amebiasis and giardiasis, otherwise known 
as dysentery. Any sexual practice resulting 
in the ingestion of tiny fecal particles can 
produce dysentery. What are you people 


doing out there? The wayward protozoa 
may be asymptomatic but often announce 
their presence with abdominal cramps, 
diarrhea, fatigue, slight fever and gas. 
Hepatitis may follow. While the cure con- 
sists of a number of drugs, Dr. Sex News 
believes an ounce of prevention is worth a 
pound of cure. So we asked New York City 
public-health officials for some tips on stav- 
ing off infection. They recommend wash- 
ing hands, genital and rectal areas before 
and aftersex. 


GOOD VIBRATIONS 


The Food and Drug Administration has 
turned its attention to vibrators. Don't 
worry, it's not outlawing them, just regulat- 
ing them. (Can you imagine Ralph Nader 
demanding more testing? The line for vol- 
unteers begins here, buddy.) The FDA has 
placed a low priority on establishing per- 
formance standards. Instead, it's interested 
in safety against shocks, burns, adverse tis- 
sue reactions or lacerations. (The Feds must 
think women have been having carnal 
knowledge with a Black & Decker sander.) 
It wants to establish standards for the 
vibrator's shape and surface finish. The 
FDA gave us a definition of genital 
vibrators that raised our eyebrows: “Ап 
electrically operated device usedto vibrate 
the vagina as a form of massage in the 
treatment of sexual dysfunction.” Hasn't 


Uncle Sam heard of the clitoris? 


BIONIC MANHOOD 


Several years ago, doctors in Houston. 
announced that they had developed a sur- 
gical implant to cure impotence. By 
Squeezing a bulb pump located in the 
scrotum, the patient would send fluid to 
inflatable cylinders in the penile shaft. The 


Itbringsa lump to our, uh, throat to see that women’s lib has yet to reach the last bastion of male 
chauvinism—the double-entendre. Coleman, skip the cooler; we'll take a dozen of the jugs. 


Now for some real oral sex. These statu- 
esque toothbrushes are the best news in 
dental hygiene since the Water Pik. They're 
$5 from The Pleasure Chest, 20 West 
20th Street, New York, New York 10011. 


cylinders would swell, simulating an егес- 
tion. A manual release valve deflated it. At 
the time, we were somewhat skeptical 
about the device's future. We could just see 
the cabin attendant giving preflight in- 
structions. Not to worry. The researchers 
have just issued a glowing assessment of 
their gadget, indicating that it works like a 
charm, or maybe an aphrodisiac. The de- 
vice has some detractors, though. A sexol- 
ogist reports that, occasionally, implant 
surgery has resulted in marital disaster. The 
sex professional claims that most surgeons. 
don't inform or prepare the patients’ wives 
for the impending change. A study of such 
wives indicated that some men never used 
the device at home and, indeed, that some 
had never even told their wives about it. 
But the patients seem to be happy. In a. 
study of 245 men outfitted with implants 
from 1973 to 1977, 234 remain satisfied. 
What's more, each device is expected to 
last for 20 years. To hell with all night long; 
these guys can keep it up for decades. 


NO HOPE FOR THE HORNY 


Game wardens claim that an ancient 
Asian love potion is destroying the Kenyan 
rhinoceros population. But don't be on the 
lookout for sex-crazed behemoths—the 
rhinos aren't using the sniffable love 
charm, they're the source of it. For cen- 
turies, Asian men have believed that the 
animal's single horn, when powdered, 
would restore sexual powers. (Don't get 
excited. We've tried the stuff. Nada.) 
Whether it improves sex or not, the com- 
modity appeals to subsistence-level Afri- 
can farmers, who easily double their an- 
nual income by bagging a rhino and selling 
its horn. The lure of the fast buck has 
reduced the rhino population to 2000. [Y] 


HIGH SPEED RECEIVERS: 
FASTER RESPONSE MEANS 
MORE ACCURATE SOUND. 


The new Kenwood receivers actually outperform 
all other receivers, as well as our competitors’ sep- 
arate amplifiers and tuners in transient response. 

The reason is Kenwood's exclusive technical 
breakthrough: Hi-Speed. It allows our receivers to 
react more quickly to musical changes. So what 
comes out of your receiver matches precisely what 
went in. 

rYou'll hear the difference as dramatically accu- 
rate, open sound with superior imaging and detail. 
Like hearing an individual singer in a vocal group. 

Hi-Speed is available in four models, all DC- 
amplified for clean bass response. Each one also 
has switchable wide and narrow IF bands for low- 
distortion FM reception, plus dual power meters. 

And each Hi-Speed receiver has unique individ- 
ual features that make a real difference in the 
tonal quality of music. Like dual power supplies 
that eliminate crosstalk distortion, Or a pulse count 
detector that digitally reduces FM distortion by half 


Distorted 
waveform response 


produced by 
conventional 
receiver, 


Square 
Waveform response 
of Hi-Speed 
receiver, 


while significantly reducing background noise. Or a 
built-in equalizer with ten turnover frequencies for 
full acoustic control. 

Whichever model you choose, you'll be getting 
the most advanced receiver technology and per- 
formance available today. Advances far beyond the 
competition. 

Your Kenwood dealer will be happy to demon- 
strate Hi-Speed, now. 


[-]H-SPEED: 


Hear the future of high fidelity 


$ KENWOOD 


For the Kenwood dealer nearest you, see your Yellow Pages, 
f write Kenwood, РО. Box 6213, Carson, CA 90749 
Canada: Magnasonic Canada, Lid 


PLAYBOY 


272 


Classic English Leather®. The fresh, 
clean, masculine scent a woman 
loves her man to wear.. .ог nothing at 
all. Wind Drift*. A clear, crisp call to 
adventure... retreshing as the wind 
from the sea. Timberline®. Brisk and 
woodsy, exhilarating as the great 
outdoors. In After Shave, Cologne, 
Gift Sets, and men's grooming gear. 
At fine toiletry counters. 


English Leather. 


Northvale, New Jersey 07647 © 1978 
Available in Canada 


NEXT MONTH: 


CINEMA SEX CONDO CONVERSIONS 


BAND BREAKUP 


“CON, AS IN CONDOS"—BUY OR GOODBYE, SAY THE CONDO- 
MINIUM CONVERTERS, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, AMERICA HAS A 
VERY HIGHLY PAID “POVERTY CLASS"—BY ASA BABER 


MONTY PYTHON, THE MAD ENGLISHMEN OF BRITAIN'S BEC 
AND OUR PBS, JOIN THEIR FUNNY FORCES FOR A ROLLICKINGLY 
IRREVERENT PLAYBOY INTERVIEW 


*"SHOOTER"—A PULITZER PRIZE-WINNING PHOTOGRAPHER 
DOES A SHOW-AND-TELL ON HIS EXPLOITS IN VIETNAM, HIS COV- 
ERAGE OF POLITICAL CONVENTIONS AND HIS JOB AS LENSMAN 
TO THE FORD WHITE HOUSE—BY DAVID HUME KENNERLY 


“THE EXECUTIONER'S SONG"—A CONTINUATION OF THE 
BLOCKBUSTER BOOK EXCERPT BEGUN LAST MONTH, CHRONI- 
CLING THE LIFE AND EXECUTION OF CONVICTED MURDERER 
GARY GILMORE—BY NORMAN MAILER 


*JAMBEAUX"'—BEING A GOOD MUSICIAN IN A BAD BAND CAN 
PLAY HAVOC WITH YOUR HEAD AND YOUR BODY CHEMISTRY. 
PART OF A NEW NOVEL—BY LAURENCE GONZALES 


“LOVE ON THE LINE"—THAT SULTRY VOICE ON THE PHONE 
MAY BE A WRONG NUMBER, BUT WHY LET THAT STOP YOU? A 
FASCINATING TALE —BY HARRY STEIN 


“SOME PERSPECTIVES ON THE PENIS"—THE MYSTIQUE OF 
THE MALE ORGAN IS EXAMINED AND FOUND TO BE A VERY 
PRICKLY PROBLEM—BY LYNDA SCHOR 


“DIFFERENT DANCES"—GUITARIST, COMPOSER, AUTHOR, 
POET AND CARTOONIST SHEL SILVERSTEIN OFFERS A HILARI- 
OUS SELECTION OF CARTOONS FROM HIS NEW BOOK 


*"PLAYBOY'S COLLEGE BASKETBALL PREVIEW"—AS COL- 
LEGIATE HOOPSTERS LINE UP FOR THE FIRST JUMP BALL, OUR 
FEARLESS PROGNOSTICATOR GIVES THE WORD ON WHO WILL 
END UP ON TOP—BY ANSON MOUNT 


“SEX IN CINEMA—1979""—OUR ANNUAL EVER-LOVING LOOK AT 
THE CURRENT TRENDS IN CELLULOID HIGH-JINKS, FROM HOLLY- 
WOOD AND BEYOND—BY ARTHUR KNIGHT 


“AMUSEMENT PARK’’—THE LATEST FLICK FROM PLAYBOY 
PRODUCTIONS IS MORE FUN THAN A ROLLER COASTER, AND 
WE'VE GOT THE PICTURES TO PROVE IT 


JUSTERINI & BROOKS F 


In aworld entertained by the 
great and the famous,we've 
starred for almost 100 years. 


How rare. 


86 "roof Blended Scotch Whisky ©1979 Paddington Corp., N.Y. 


U.S. Government Report: 


Box or Menthol: 


10 Carlton have less ` 
tar than 1: 


lar пісойпе 
mg/ci mgJ/cig 


Kent 12 0.9 

Marlboro Lights. 12 0.8 

Mente ШЕ 8 06 Less 
Salem Lights 10 0.8 

Vantage 11 0.8 

Winston Lights 13 0.9 

Carlton Soft Pack 1 0.1 

Carlton Menthol less than 1 0.1 

Carlton Box less than 0.5 0.05 


Of all brands, lowest...Carlton Box: less than 0.5 mg. tar 
and 0.05 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette, FTC Report May '78. 


Carlton. 


Filter €? Menthol 


с 1 Box: Less than 0.5 mg. “1а, 0.05 mg. nicotine; 
Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined | soft Pack and МЕШ 1m. Ш А 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. av. per cigarette, FIC Rm му "78. 100 mm: 5 mg. 

“аг” 0.5 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by ЕТС method.