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AT EASE 
PLAYBOY — . 
SALUTESTHE | 


PLAYMATE 
REUNION: 
25 YEARS OF 
GATEFOLDS 
COMETO LIFE 


MIND 

AND BODY: 
WHY SOME 
PEOPLE GET 
SICK AND 
OTHERS DON'T 


S. Government Report: 


Carlto 


Box or Menthol: 
10 Carlton have less 
tar than 1: 


tar nicotine 

mg./cig mg/cig 
Kent 12 0.9 
Marlboro Lights 12 0.8 -— 
Merit 8 06 Less 
Salem Lights 10 08 than 
Vantage 11 08 
Winston Lights 18 09 I mg. 
Carlton бой Pack 1 01 tar, 
Carlton Menthol less than 1 0.1 0.1 mg. nic 
Carlton Box less than 0.5 0.05 


Of all brands, lowest...Carlton Box: less than 0.5 mg. tar 
and 0.05 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette, FTC Report May '78. 


Carlton. 


Filter & Menthol 


The lighter 
1005 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined Solt Pack and Mond 1 1 mg. "tar" 01 mg meone 
That Cigarette Smoking 15 Dangerous to Your Health. av. per cigarette, FIC Report May 78. 100 mm. 5 mg 
“Tar!” 0.5 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method. 


AFTER DEVELOPING THE 


WORLDS 


MOST PRECISE METERING SYSTEM, 
SUCCESS WENT TO OUR HEADS. 


Most any audio manufacturer today music. More clarity. Less distortion. 
would be completely content with a 
cassette deck s: offered the incredible Ecc VE AN 
Fluroscan metering system found in à 
Pioneer's CT-F950. Pioneer's CT-F950 has a digital brain 
But Pioneer isn't just any audio with a memory that performs four 
manufacturer. And the CI-F950 isn't different functions. Memory Stop. 
just any cassette deck. Memory Play Counter Repeat. And End 
Instead of slow-to-react VU meters Repeat. 
that give you limited resolution, the And while many cassette decks let 
CT-F950 has a Fluroscan metering you monitor during recording, what 
System that gives you a far more accurate they don't let you do is control what you 
picture of what you're listening to. It monitor. 
even has Peak, Peak Hold, and Average The CT-F950 allows you to bias by 
Buttons that let you record without ear. So you have as much control over 
your tape deck as you 


woul 


L eee eRe ee 
n 


ав -20 -ie -io 


р 
R SESS 111411! 


The first cassette deck with Fluroscan metering and an erase head for metal tape. Switc 


O 


d over any musical 


instrument. 

Of course, these are 
just afew of the virtues of 
the CT-F950. Bur there are 
also features like a Double 
Dolby noise reduction sys- 
tem. And direct function 


hing. 
bviously, all that went 


fear of overload. into Pioneer's CT-F950 
But our meter is only a small sounds impressive. But it’s not half as 
measure of our worth. impressive as what comes out of it. 
If you examine our heads you'll find So we suggest you go to your 
the СТЕФЗО is different from most Pioneer dealer and listen to it. You'll 
cassette decks. Instead of record and hear whar's really 
playback heads made of permalloy or ordi- madetheCTF950  (ODIONICEIR" 
nary ferrite, our heads are made of a newly an instant success. We bring it back alive. 
developed Uni-Crystal Ferrite composition 619790 PoneerEccwonics Сор 85 Odor Drive, Моспасће Мі 07074 


that gives you greater frequency 
response, lower distortion, 
and better wear-resistance. 


METAL TAPE CAPABILITY 
FOR HIGHER HIGH 
FIDELITY. 

But it's our third head 
that keeps us further 
ahead of the competition. 
This new Alfex/ferrite 
erase head permits the 
CT-F950 to accept one of 
today's great audio ad- 
vancements. Metal tape. Though its 
technology is incredibly complicated, its 
benefit is incredibly simple. More 


Rack mounting handles optional 


Contest vod ın Ohio, Pennsylvania, Texas, Шаһ 
ond Virgo, ond wherever prohibited or re- 
stricted bylaw. 

All federal, ote and local tows and 
tions apply T. ENTRANTS MUST EE OF LE 
DRINKING AGE UNDER THE AWS OF THEIR 
HOME STATE. 8. A list of winters will be 
furnished, two months after the cose of 
thecortesi tgonyone hosendsastonped. 
self-addressed envelopeto- Johnnie Wolker 

Red Winrers List. P.O. бок 204, Pound Ridge, 

Now York 1057, Please do no! send entries to this 

бок number 9. The Otfical Entry Form may not be reproduced. 
NO PURCHASE REQUIRED. 


D » 
Enter the Call Johnnie Walker Кей 
Hot Line Contest. $50,000 in prizes. 
From any phone dial toll-free 
1-800-223-0353. (1552 595535 

Call Johnnie Walker Red toll-free and you could be sayz 
ing hello to $25,000. It's probably the best connection toa 
small fortune you ll ever have. 

Heres how it works. Anytime between March 1 апа 
April 30, 1980. call our toll-free number. Youll hear a 
recorded question. The answer to the question canbe / 
found by looking at the labels on any Johnnie Walker 
Red bottle. 


й 


| "Call Johnnie Walker* Red” 


Clip the entry form from this ad or get one from M. Pound. Hot Line Contest 
your local participating restaurant or liquor store. | Ridge. New | First Prize: $25,000 n cosh. 
Fill in the entry form, including the answer to the ККД e н ston мш. «палка рінген 
juestion. and mailtotheaddresson the entry form. si JJ Toenter the "Coll Johnnie Walker Red" Hot Line Contest you must answer. 
A шош win 822000 тЫ ирен, AY дое the contest question To Обо the contest question dol toll-free 1800- 
If your entry is drawn, you may win $25. ‘and zipcode. 2.Enter osohen 2 
АННА of 500 Janene Waller Red deos as lg | 2230353 (New YorkStote residents doltoll-tree 1800522555) }Тег 
Шыл! nie Walker Red dco RM ононе нанио ылы | 
es US QUSS СУЛК ondhord рит you oever below 
Give Johnnie Walker Red a call. There may КОКОС ЩЩ | 
be 825.000 at the end of the line. РО Bex 8680, New Conocn, Connecticut di 


Entries irked by May Мо! completed entry form to: 
EN NE ооо bpm er mu cone 


Hot Line Contest — Official Rules rere ull be deemed in ndo корлау. | РО Box BALD New Connon Connecticut 06842 
1. To emer ill in ths official entry form. or, on c 3": 5"ploin from anongollcortetiyansweredand куе | I certify thot on of едо! drinking oge urder the 
piese сі poper,clecely hond pont your nome, address ond entries, conducted by VIP Service. Inc’ ап low ol my home state 
theonswer othe ficii contest question. The qveston con independent judg organzonen whose deck 
bedblonedby doling Johnnie Weiber Reds попа tol sions ere Enol, ond vil be noted by топ 4. rst 
free number 18002230352 New York Stare residents Prae $25,000 evcosh, SOO Secong Prices Johnnie | ———— TF 


dial toll-free 18005225650. Diol any lime, day or Weller Red Decorator Telephones. The onordinacl 
Tight, seven doys a week, from March 1. to Apri 30. prizes to prize venners wall be subject Ic the execu- 
1980 o if you wish to have the question mailed to tion of on aKidovit of eligibility ard release granting 


үр; ente. "Call hare Walker Red Question lo Somerset Importers. Lid. the right to use winners 
0 Bor 85, Pound Ridge, names ond photos in 15 publicity 5. Prizes are non 
NY 10576. Please prinior transferable — only one prire to a lomy. and no собен 
Type your nome, address, tion lor prizes as offered. The odds of winning will be deter- РА 


city, stote ond zip code. The. ‘mired by the number of Correctly onswered entries recened. | — — rur ур 
infermationneededloanswer the All 501 prizes (valued at $54 975) wall be oworded local, state 
jueshon moy be found by looking at ord federal taxes, Чоу, are the responsibility of winners 6.Соп- | "Ha Lire” is o service mark of Somerset Importers, Lid 

the labels on any bottle of Jchrve Walker тезі open to residents of the Urired States. Employees ond th 100% Bended Scotch Whiskies. B68 Proof. Imported by Somerset 
Red Lobel Scotch Whisky. Lobels тоу also be families ol Somerset Imponers.ttd. their odverisingagences liquor | Imeneters. lid BY, NY 10036 ©1980 1 

'oblorned by requesting some from: Labels, РО. wholesalers ond retailers, ord VIP Service, Inc ore nol eligible. єс 1 


PLAYBILL 


, and that means it's 


ITS SHOWERS-AND-FLOWERS time aga 
time for our annual Year in Music issue. And what better way 
to Кісі off than with a Playboy Interview with Linda Ronstadt, 
America’s first lady of countrysoul music and (according to 
the ever-present rumors) a possible candidate for First Lady 
period. Speaking of rumors, Linda's conversations with her 
old friend Jean Vollely dispel a few and confirm а few, Alter 
you finish the interview, turn to Playboy Music '80, written 


by Carl Philip Snyder, Contributing Editor Devid Standish and 
Assistant Editor Kote Nolon. The whole package, designed by 


Associate Art Director Skip Williamson, includes the results of 
the latest Playboy Music Poll. 

Music seemed to go downhill as the Seventies rolled оп, 
and, according to Erica Jong, so did sex. Jong, who last ap- 
peared in PLAYBOY when we excerpted her second novel, How 
10 Save Your Own Life, in January 1977, says some elements 
of the women's movement have taken the humor (and most of 
the fun) out of sex. In You Have to Be Liberated to Laugh, 
Erica proves that at least she hasn't lost her sense of humor. 

No laughing matter is health, the subject of Medicine and 
the Mind, by David Block (illustrated by Jeon Michael Folon). 
Black brings us the message from the frontiers of medical 
ch that the causes of physical illness are far more related 
tes of mind than previously had been suspected and 
that, conversely, good health has more to do with positive 
dünne than with keeping your feet dry. Ironically, 
says, "During the research for the article, I developed te 
Шома cramps and nausea. Т felt as if I were dying. Only 
hy regularly practicing a stressreducing technique I learned 
while doing the ar 10 fi S 

While Black was probing the benefits of a sound mind, 
Tracy J. Johnston was learning about the pluses of having a bent 
one—the particular mind in question belonging to Chuck 
Borris, the television. producer who пей The Gong Show 
and other popular atrocities. As Johnston finds out in AU the 
Freaking Way to the Bank (illustrated by Charles Shields), 
Barris may not be a genius, but he sure knows what Ameri 
thinks is funny. He doesn't have the corner on screwballs, 
tho Jay Cronley creates several of his own in (what else?) 
Screwballs (illustrated by Lov Beach), the story of the wackiest 
n history. It’s an excerpt from Cronley's orth- 
coming novel of the same title, to be published by Doubleday. 
Says Cronley: “I wrote the book because 1 think the majority 
of bigshot major-league baseball players are jerks; but don't 
get me wrong—these days, jerks аге among this country’s most 
important people.” Cronley adds that his future pi clude 
"avoiding big-shot major-league baseball players in bars. 

Running into an irate jerk, cr, jock sounds risky to us, but 
not as dangerous as the life of top spy William King Horvey. 
David C. Martin profiles Harvey and the frustrations he had 
with his boss, the Federal Government, in The American 
James Bond: A True Slory, Irom the book Wilderness of 
Mirrors, due soon from Harper & Row. Already in book- 
stores from Harper & Row is Different Dances, from which 
this month's Shel Silverstein offering, Some Enchanted Evening, 
is taken, Also dangerous, but in a completely different way, is 
April's Playmate, liz Glazowski. Ken Mares. photographed her 
deadly assets, and, as you'll see, she's a killer. To round out 
the issue, we have Playboy's Playmate Reunion, a once-in-a- 
quarter-century experience; our annual Playboy's Spring and 
Summer Fashion Forecast, by Fashion Director David Platt; 
Washington Contributing or Peter Ross Ronge's account of 
his Travels with Teddy; and Women of the Armed Forces, a 
pictorial that's sure to start your p ic juices flowing, воло 
speak. May the Easter bunny smile upon you. 


1 team 


© 1979 THOMAS VICTOR 


BLACK 


CRONLEY 


4 қ 
JOHNSTON SIELDS MARCUS 


PLAYBOY 


vol. 27, no. 4—april, 1980 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENTMAGAZINE 
РЕДҮВІШ: r SN AOS RCE ORIS URS ve SUR ICTU UTE SIT E REUS RS е 3 
'TTHEWORLD:OF/PLAYBOY: о UE ao at e t [s sala TU ue n 
ПЕАЕ:РАҮВОУ agar Ir? a EE 15 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS A AE SS a EE EGE SEEE 23 
MEDIA 28 
In which we point the finger at hypocrisy 
MUSIC 31 
Madness, mouth trumpet and a slam-bam farewell to а used Cadillac: 
BOOKS 40 
Sexual history con be fun 
ADVENTURES isal sn ree esa aaa alê 41 
On the East Africa Safari Rally, it helps to be a bit crazy. 
MONIES ЕЕЕ 42 
M 2 Spacek triumphs as Loretta Ly: 
Playmate Reunion 
COMING ATTRACTIONS е a 52 
Future film fare promises secretaries, detectives end musical жайгарса. 
PLAYBOY S TRAVEL GUIDE................ -5ТЕРНЕЧ BIRNBAUM 55 
Bargains at duty-free shops? It ain't necessarily so. 
THE: PLAYBOY ADVISORS еа ЕРЕ 59 
ITHEPDAYBOYIEORUM ЕТЕ O AE ESR RS a 67 
Mind. Medicine 1 TRAVELS WITH TEDDY—a reporter's notebook . . . PETER ROSS RANGE 76 


Our editor in Washington goes on the campaign trail with Kennedy and finds 
himself in a traveling media circus. 


PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: LINDA RONSTADT—candid conversation . 85 
America's favorite songbird on roller skates talks about the music hot has 
influenced her, why she backs Jerry Brown and how she has grown up since 
her younger, wilder days. 


MEDICINE AND THE MIND—article ................ DAVID BLACK 120 
Many scientists now feel that the difference between those who get sick and 
those who don't is less a matter of viruses than of vitality. 


PLAYBOY'S PLAYMATE REUNION—pictorial essay . . . 124 
To celebrate our 25th Anniversary, we brought 136 live centerfolds to Playboy 
Mansion West for a great party and grand memories. 


THE AMERICAN JAMES BOND—article .......... DAVID C. MARTIN 132 
A top American spy—a guy who tapped the Berlin tunnel and conspired 
against Castro—found that his most dangerous foe was his own Government. 


Music's Year 


AF THEY ARE TO SE RETURNED AM) NO RESPONSIBILITY CAN BE ASSUMED FOR UNSOLICITED MATERIALS М то PLAYEOY WILL EE THEATED AS UNCONDITIONALLY ASSIGNED 


OR IN FART WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION FFON THE PUBLISHER AMY SIMILARITY BETWEEN THE PEOPLE AND PLACES IN THE FICTION AND SEMIFICTION IN THIS MAGAZINE ANU ANY REAL PEOPLE 
AND FLACES 15 PURELY COINCIDENTAL CREDITS: COVER: MODEL SHARI SHATTUCK DESIGNED AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY TOM STAESLES, OTHER PHOTCGRAPKY BY: LARRY BARBIER. F. 51. JOHN 
таяп вон ERENT FEAR. P. 125, 126. 120, 129 (3). 121. ADRIAN BOOT, P. 21: PETER С BORSABI/ CAMERA S. т. 125. 127, 130: A. ACE BURGESS ACES ANGELS 

MARIO CASILLI, P. 127. DAVID CHAN, P. 427. 120. 131, 447, 169 (2). 171, 192 (1); MEL COFELAND, P. 12: NICHOLAS DE 51066 P 109 (2). 170, 172 (2). 173) VERSER ENCELHA 


7 (R3. 128 (2), 129, по (3); 


COVER STORY 

Shari Shattuck, the lady holding the Rabbit mike so very delicotely, іс an Atlanta model 
whose extraordinarily cute tush is attributable to her years of training as а competitive 
ice skater. Executive Art Director Tom Staebler designed and photographed the cover and 
Jerry Adams styled Shori's hair. And what's Shari trying to tell you? That we've got a 
great music issue for you, with The Year in Music (оп page 181) and a Playboy Interview 
with Linda Ronstadt, Boogie! 


ALL THE FREAKING WAY 

TO THE BANK—personality ............... .TRACY J. JOHNSTON 138 
Chuck Barris has made a fortune answering the question What do Americans 
want in a television show, low humor or good taste? 


LET THERE BE LIZ—playboy’s playmate of the month .......... . 140 
We discovered Polish Playmate Liz Glazowski in our home town during our 
25th-anniversary hunt, and you wrote us hundreds of letters asking to see more 
of her. So feast your eyes. 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor ............................ 152 puc 


YOU НАМЕ TO ВЕ LIBERATED TO LAUGH—article ..ERICA JONG 154 
The sexual revolution has taken the humor out of sex and, in the process, hos 
taken a lot of the fun out of sex as well. 


PLAYBOY'S SPRING AND SUMMER 
FASHION FORECAST—attire . А ------ - -DAVID PLATT 156 
Warm-weather wear is back again, cooler | than ever. 


SCREWBALLS—fiction .................... .JAY CRONLEY 163 Fashion Forecast 
On Quarter Beer Night, the outfielder wore a blindfold. Y 

SOME ENCHANTED EVENING—humor ........... SHEL SILVERSTEIN 164 

WOMEN OF THE ARMED FORCES—pictorial ... . 168 


Attention, troops! Uncle Sam may want you, bur Aunt Sally's gonna get you 
every time. Meet а bevy of Servicewomen. Surrender. At ease. 


TALES FROM THE OLD FRENCH—ribald classic ................... 177 


Chuck Borris 


LE ROY NEIMAN SKETCHBOOK—pictorial ....................... 178 
A paean to the classic nudes of the Rococo 


PLAYBOY MUSIC '80—survey . 3 г 
In The Year in Music, Бу Carl Phi р Snyder, we find thot it was a rough year 
for record companies and concert promoters, but the beat went on. Also: Hits, 
Hypes & Heavies; the results of the Playboy Music Poll; and с pop-music 
quiz to test whether or not you were paying attention. 


PLAYBOY FUNNIES—humor 222.............................. 194 Polish Pleymete 
PLAYBOY'S PIPELINE. VR idis, dI a а ASE O Se аваж 201 
Man & woman, pool, custom-mode clothes. 
PLAYBOY POTPOURRI ................... AE «t жа See eT RS 268 
PLAYBOY PUZZUE сз COs меж +з 55222-22. 285 
РПАТВОТ ОМИНЕ СЕМЕ ЕЕ AER ES la a Ea ats 289 
Fashion tips, tennis rockets, ‘photo finishers, shoes, Grapevine, Sex News. America's 007 
контсо озая, г. 126, 127, 120: SCHILLER, #126; JIM SELEY, P. 126; ARLETTE SHAPIRO, т. 2) VERNON L- SMITH, P- з, 31) MICHAEL UFFER, P- 27, пав; UNITED PRESS INTL, P- 158; NON 


DUANE ONLEWANN. P. 205; STEVE RYBKA, P. 31: SLUG SIGHORIND, P. 182. 184 (2): SKIP WILLIAMSON. 


32.33 а 266.267; PLAYBOY CLUB INTERNATIONAL 


PLAYBOY (ISSN 0022-1878), APRIL. 1980, VOL, 27, NO. 4. PUBLISHED MONTHLY BY PLAYDOY IN NATIONAL AND REGIONAL EDITIONS. PLAYBOY BLDG.. B19 M. MICHIGAN AVE.. CHGO., ILL. (0611 
CONTROLLED CIRCULATION POSTAGE PAID AT CHICAGO. ILLINOIS. SUBS. IN THE U.5.. $16 FOR 12 ISSUES. POSTMASTER: SEND FORM 2379 TO PLAYBOY, P.O. BOK 2420, BOULDER, COL. возо 


(©1980 BBWT Co. 


% PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor and publisher 


NAT LEHRMAN associate publisher 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
ARTHUR PAUL ar! director 
GARY COLE photography director 
$ С. BARRY GOLSON executive editor 
TOM STAEBLER executive art director 


EDITORIAL 
ARTICLES: Jam editor; STAF 

WILLIAM J. HEL HEN MC NEYSE, DAVID 
STEVENS Senior editors; JAMES R. PETERSEN 
senior slaf] writer; ROBERT Y. CARR, WALTER 1, 
LOWE, BARBARA NELLIS, JOHN REZEK associate 
editors; SUSAN MAMGOLIS WINTER assistant new 
york editor; TERESA GROSCH, KATE NOLAN, J. F 


O'CONNOR, TOM PASSAVANT assistant editors: 
ERVICE FEATURES: том owen modern liv- 
ing edilor; Eb WALKER assistant editor; DAVID 

тт fashion director; CARTOONS: MICHELLE 
nny editor; COPY: AMLENE BOURAS editor; 
STAN AMBER assistant editor; JACKIE JOHNSON 
FORMELLER, MARCY MARCHI, BAI LYNN NASH, 
PEG SCHULTZ, DAVID TARDY, MARY ZION ré 
searchers; CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: As 


BABER, STEPHEN MRNBAUM (ravel), MURRAY 


п Vicero ANSON MOUNT, PETER ROSS RANGE, KICHAK 
; RHODES, JOHN sick, HONER чиза DAVID 


STANDISH, BRUCE WILLIAMSON (movies); CON 
SULTING EDITOR: LAURENCE GONZALES 


WEST COAST NCE S. DIETZ editor; JOHN 
BLUMENTHAL 


ART 
KERIG POPE managing director; LEN WILLIS, 
CHET SUSKI senior diteciors; BOB POST, SKIP 
WILLIAMSON associate directors; BRUCE HANSEN, 
THEO KOUVATSOS, JOSPH PACZEK assistant 
directors; вети KASIK senior art assistant 
PEARL MIURA, JOYCE PEKALA ari assistants 
SUSAN HOLMSTROM traffic coordinator; BAR 
BAKA HOFFMAN administrative assistant 


PHOTOGRAPHY 

MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast edilor; 1 

COUEN, JANICE MOSES associate editors: каса 
^en FECLEY, POMPEO роза staf) photogra 
phers; JAMES LARSON photo manager: wa 
ARSENAULT, DON AZUMA, DAVID CHAN, NICHOLAS 
DESCIOSE, PHILLIP DIXON, ARNY | FREYTAG 
DWIGHT HOOKER, M. SCOTT HOOPER, RICHARD 
шіл, STAN MALINOWSKI, KEN MARCUS contrib- 
iting photographers; РАТТҮ BEALDET assistant 
editor; ALLEN BURRY (London), JEAN PIERRE 
HOLLEY (Paris), LUISA STEWART (Home) cor 
respondents; JAMES wawo color lab supervi- 


sor; ponent CHELIUS administrative editor 


PRODUCTION 
JONN мазтко director; ALLEN VAKGO manager 
МАМА MANDIS assistant manager; ELEASORE 
WAGNER, JODY JURGETO, RICHARD QUARTAROLI 
assistants 


READER SERVICE 
CYNTA LACEY SIKIGH Manager 


CIRCULATION 
RICHARD sMrTI director; ALVIN WIEMOLD sub 


Therichlowtar | 


HENRY w, MARKS director 
Only 9mg tar m 
ADMINISTRATIVE 
MICHAEL LAURENCI business manager ; PATRICIA 
PAPANGLLS administrative editor; PALETTE 
CALDER rights & permissions: manager; Ni- 
DRED ZIMMERMAN administrative assistant 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, ID 


шек J. DANIELS president 


Э mg. “lar”, 0.8 mg nicotine av. 
per cigarette by FIC method 


That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health, 


E MEMOREX HIGH BIAS TEST NO. 2. 


WHICH HIGH BIAS TAPE 
WINS WITH “LUCILLE”? 


Select any blues solo where B.B. King 
really lets "Lucille" sing, and record it on 
your favorite high bias tape. 

Now record the same solo on MEMOREX 
HIGH BIAS tape, and listen to the two 
tapes back to back. 


We're convinced you ll have a new favorite 
for two important reasons: 


1. At standard record levels, no high bias 
tape has a flatter response across the 
entire frequency range 


2. The signal/noise ratio of MEMOREX 
HIGH BIAS is unsurpassed by any other 
high bias tape at the critical high end 


In short, you cant find a high bias cassette. 
that gives you truer reproduction. And, 
after all, isn't that what you buy a high 
bias tape for? 


Is it live, or is it 


` 
The legendary "Lucille" is a Gibson 
ES 355 made especially for B.B. King. 


For unbeatable performance in a 
| normal bias tape, look for Memorex 
|. with МАХз Oxide in the 


| black package. 1980. Memorex Corporation, Santa Clara, California 85202: 


Why does Miss Cusick warn her girls 
about guys who want to show them all 
the features on the new KZ750/4 LTD? 


Because she knows what kind of 
equipment they’re really interested in. 


The teacher might be a prude, but you can't To handle all that power, there's a 

blamea guy for wanting to show off a little. new, super-sophisticated suspension 

Especially when the brand new Kawasaki system. Air-adjustable 

KZ750/4 UTD gives you so much to show. leading axle front 
Likean exclusive combination of lowdown gU * 

good looks and more advanced features than 1 

any other bike in its class. | 


Theres a larger displacement version of 
the same dependable double overhead cam, 
four-cylinder “Z” engine that holds world 

records for speed and endurance. 


forks, rear shocks that you can fine-tune for 
damping and spring pre-load, plus the precise 
tracking ofa needle bearing swingarm. 
And when it’s time to hit the brakes, three 
big drilled discs will stop you faster thana 
blonde hitching a ride. 
Your local Kawasaki 
dealer can tell you about the 
KZ750A LTD's quartz 
halogen headlight, pullback. 


ai т 
occhi believes eng ae 


bars, cast alloy wheels (16" in back), tubeless 
tires,two-piece stepped seat, maintenance- free 
breakerless transistorized ignition, constant- 
velocity Mikuni carbs, even Kawasaki's exclusive 
Clean Air System. 

Butit’s too late to stop.Miss Cüsick. The 


wordis oui 
wasaki 


тте” 
7 TBOR'tlet the good times pass you by. 


оса laws before you ride. Member of AMA and MSE: 


Specifications and parts subject to change without notice. Model availability may be limited. 


Cafe 7 


classy coffee 


Café 7 will impress the most 
sophisticated tastes. Just add 1% oz. of 
Seagrams 7 to a cup of your favorite 
coffee. Add sugar to taste and top with 
whipped cream. Now that's classy coffee. 
Enjoy our quality in moderation. 


Seagram's 1 Crown 


Where quality drinks begin. 


f. N Y.C AMERICAN WRISKEY--A BLEND. BD PROOF. 


THE WORLD ОҒ PLAYBOY 


in which we offer an insider's look at what's doing and who’s doing it 


BLACK'S TIE AFFAIR 


Chicago's Playboy Mansion was the scene of 
a party honoring actress Karen Black during 
ihe Chicago International Film Festival. At 
right, she and actor Maximilian Schell chat. 
Below, film-festival founder and director Mi- 
chael J. Kutza, Jr, and columnist Irv Kup- 
cinet are seen rubbing elbows. Literally. 


STEVE MARTIN IN TERRE HAUTE: NO HARD FEELINGS 


Steve Martin, in his Playboy Interview (January), described 
Terre Haute, Indiana, as “the most nowhere place in Amerit 
Mayor Bill Brighton retorted: "Well, excuuuuse me!" and in- 


vited the comedian for a mock tour of the town. At left, Martin, 
with Bunnies Marsha Jones (left) and Grace Mika helping him 
autograph copies of the issue. Below, Terre Haute radio per- 
sonalities Mel Browning (left) and Larry Trimmer show their 
support for the city's "High on Haute" promotional campaign. 


A PRESENT FOR HEF 


Hugh M. Hefner's enthusiasm for the 
razzle-dazzle рор group Manhattan 
Transfer was responsible for some of its 
early big bookings—and the Transfer re- 
іштей the favor with a Christmas-gift 
live performance at Playboy Mansion 
West (below). In bottom photo, Hef 
and Heather Waite clap their thanks. 


MONIQUE OPTIQUE 


A lot of eyes were glued on Playmate of the 
Year Monique St. Pierre in front of her 
Optyl Corporation poster at the Southeastem 
Sociely of Dispensing Opticians Convention 
in Atlanta. Opty! manufactures Playboy eye- 
wear; it's clear that men would make passes... 


HONK ІҒ YOU LOVE MISS SEPTEMBER 


If you're stuck in San Francisco traffic and notice this personalized license plate, 
relax. Yes, it is our Phi Beta Kappa Playmate, Vicki McCarty (September 1979). 


BELABORING THE OBVIOUS 


Dr. Hock's single When You're in Love with a 
Beautiful Woman gol a boost in the country's 
record stores with this poster of October 1978 
Playmate Marcy Hanson, who certainly is one. 


COVER STORY 
Janet Quist has been keeping 
busy in her home state of 
Texas. At right, she peers 
over her sunglasses on the 
cover of Texas Monthly, which asks the 
question "Wish You Were Here?" Looking at 
her December 1978 Playmate shot (above), we say, "Yep." 


ROLLING INTO 
THE MOVIES 


Playmate Dorothy Strat- 
ten (August 1978) is 
shown at the conces- 
sion counter during a 
scene from Skatetown 
U.S.A. Her shtick in the 
movie is to keep ask- 
ing for a pizza. Gary 
Mule Deer, who in this 
scene plays a guy be- 
hind the counter, fon- 
dles some tomatoes; we 
suspect he has other 
things on his mind, tco. 


12 


Two great naturals 
together for the first fime. 
Leroux Coffee Amaretto. 


The Leroux Toasted Almond. 
Mix 114 oz. Coffee Amaretto. 
1% oz. milk 

shake with ice. E 
Delicious! 


Only Leroux has this great new combi: 
nation. The elegant taste of amaretto 
enhanced with just the right amount of 
coffee. And it's delicious. Naturally. 
Because it's Leroux. Once you've tasted 
Leroux International Liqueurs, no 
other liqueurs will do. 


А ‚ Эа 
Leroux International Liqueurs 


Another of our 52 naturals from France, Italy, U.S.. Austria, and Denmark. 
For free recipes, write General Wine б Spirits, Вох 1645, FDR Stotion, NY., NY. 10022. 


Introducing the 


by JOHN HENRY 


Anew line of sportswear is here with a symbol as unique 

as the men who will wear it. The Camel Collection by John Henry 
Permanent press shirts in assorted colors. Long sleeve Oxford $26. 
Short sleeve Alpine Patrol shirt $23.50. ту 
Cotton pants $30. Look for the Camels 
where fine men's wear is sold. 


7 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


ADDRESS DEAR PLAYBOY 
PLAYBOY BUILDING 
919 н. MICHIGAN AVE. 
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 


TOAST OF TERRE HAUTE 
115 about time! 1 first saw that you 

were going to do an interview with Steve 
Martin in your "Coming in the Months 
Ahead” section in the January 1979 is- 
sue. And after reading the excellent Jan- 
wary 1980 interview, I found that my wait 
was well rewarded. I've been a fan of 
Steve's for three years, but it seems 1 
didn't know much about him until after 
1 read Lawrence Grobel's interview. 1 
thought that it might be [un to perform 
in front of thousands of people, but now 
1 realize that comedy isn't pretty. 

Phil Kriegler 

Omaha, Nebraska 


Steve Martin's interview. unfortunate 
ly, reveals him to be a classic comic 
stereotype: irreverent, unstable and. 
highly uninteresting offstage. His com- 
ments proclaiming Bernadette Peters to 
be a “landmark singe 
irresponsible as his suggesting that “busi 
nessmen and executives” only "make and 
sell shit,” though that remark is not com 
pletely without insight. When it comes 
to the businessmen and executives who 
promote his с ket his record 
albums, а very strong argument could be 
made in his favor. 


are almost 


eer and n 


Greg Madson 
Ames, Iowa 


Somebody needs to remind Steve Mar 
tin that his movie shooting is over and 
he can stop behaving like a jerk. So 
Tere Haute and other stops on his 
long stretch tours in the Midwest" are 
not like Aspen or Beverly Hills, Few 
places in the real world are. Terre Haute 
is a place a touring entertainer has been 
known to breeze into on a leased bus, 
give no interviews, sign no autographs. 
permit no backstage photography. per 
form onstage for an hour, leave immedi 
ately and head down the interstate 
toward another "nowhere" concert but 


25,000 or so to spend later 
in Aspen and Beverly Hills. Sorry, Steve, 
but your attitude is inexcusable. 
Lawrence Beymer 
Terre Haute, Indiana 
Steve has since apologized for that un- 
fortunate slip of the lip. He had meant 
to say Abilene. Or was it Buffalo? 


Methodical bizarre behavior that reaps 
huge financial rewards doesn't seem wild 
or crazy to me at all. Steve Martin's got 
to be the most sensible person I've ever 
heard about. 1 hope hell continue his 
personal-appearance concert tours. keep 
his creative juices flowing and continue 
to challenge himself—all for our benefit! 
Lynn W Gregg 


Canton. Michigan 


Thank you for exposing Steve Martin 
on the January cover. His hairy chest is 
absolutely gorgeous. 


Monica 5. Ruybalid 
Phoenix, Arizona 


GAYS ON THE RISE 

After reading your January article 
The San Francisco Experience, by Nova 
Gallagher, 1 would like to comment. I 
was born and raised in San Francisco. | 
m straight. I have a beautiful wife and 
two great children. We live in San Fran- 
cisco because we love living here. 1 work 
with gay men and women and my wife 
and I have gay friends. The gay people 
ny wife and I socialize with are not 
limp-wristed, nor are they sex-craved ma 
niacs looking for cock every waking 
moment, as the author would have us 
believe. The gay people w 
me problems, wants and needs as 
every other person in this country. The 
hor makes a big deal about the weird 
people who hang out on Castro Steet 
but neglects to mention they arc a small 
lunatic fringe clement most gay people 
avoid themselves. Furthermore, I think 


know have 


the 


SESSIONS, 639 FOR 26 ISSUES, 321 


ELSEWHERE, $31 FON 12 ISSUES. ALLOW 45 DAYS FOR NEW SUP. 


AR Verticals, the finest speakers in AR history. 
‘Audition them and be astonished. 
Left to right: AR9, AR91, AR92, AR9O. 
Your AR Dealer has literature 
or write AR, 10 Americon Drive, Norwood, 


МА. 02062. ^V" TELEDYNE ACOUSTIC RESEARCH 
* 1980 


PLAYBOY 


16 


Ask [ог Nocona Boots where quality western boots are sold. Style shown “9056 with Genuine Ostrich vo 


NOCONA BOOT COMPANY | ENID JUSTIN, PRESIDENT / DEPT, Р19О58 / BOX 599 / NOCONA. TEXAS 76255 / 817-825-3321. 


Sunpak Division, Berkey Marketing Companies Box 4102, Woodside, 


104 Chestnut St, Burbank, Co. 91506 ш In Canada: Sunpak Corporation of Canada, inc. 


NY. 49377 
-, Ortorio. 


yhole dub makes a lot 
more sense than walking into a public 
bathroom and finding men engaged in 
sex. Should I ever decide to suck a cock. 
and wish to do so in safety, anon 
and privacy, lll go to a gloryhole 


те withheld by request) 
o, Cali 


Lets see . . . we used to be sexless, 
now we are whores; we used to be effete, 
now we come on like male athletes. 
Before, we were objects of pity, now we 
are people to When will the 
straights stop projecting their [cars onto 
us? Obviously, these attitudes have come 
full turn and are now the opposites of 
their original forms. Who could satisfy 
you? My dears, you sound like a bevy of 
n junior high school girls, thrilled 
and giddy yet frightened out of your 
wits at the mere idea of being seduced! 
That is the real issue! Because gays will 
never rule anywhere! Not even in 
Francisco. We must remain a т 
power. as а fact of nature. Ci 
now. You're not af 
аге you? 


na 
ne on 
id of a few sissies. 


Bud Larsen 
Los Angeles, California 


The news that straight society is hos- 
ays is no news at all, but I 
was surprised to find. thar th 
aring je 
short hair, ete. They did not li 
ender blouses, white shoes 


tile to us 


nd bleached 
hair. either. Maybe they could save us 


lot of trouble by just telling us 
gays are supposed to wear 
though I know of nothing that will ren. 
der us invisible 

(Name withheld by request) 
Los Angeles, Californi: 


Nora Gallagher condemned homosex: 
uals by depicting them as “sluts.” Not 
all homosexuals cruise the streets of 
Castro, or go to clubs with private 
booths. or cast away lovers every five 
minutes. And the majority of homosex- 
uals аге not militants. Lets hope Gal- 
lagher will follow her article with 
another on the homosexuals who are fo- 
cusing their sexual drives on the finding 
of lasting love and companionship. 
Galata Joseph 
McKeesport. Pennsylvania 
The entire spectrum of gay life can- 
nol be covered in one article, and that 
was not our intention in publishing Gal- 
lagher's piece. “The San Francisco. Ex- 
perience” does, however, represent one 
aspect of the scene as viewed by our 
writer and we have no reason to doubt 
the veracity of her report. We do intend 
to cover other facets of the gay culture 
as the occasion warrants and will publish 
further commentary both in article form 
and in “The Playboy Forum,” where 


fiite-Life 


HAPPY HOURJBARGUIDE 


e RECIPES 
from famous 
nitespots, bars, 
restaurants! 

е Ranking of the 
Top 20 
DRINKS 

е How the pros 
IMPROVE drinks 


CAN YOU RANK THEM? 
Test your skill! Write your 
guess in the boxes below. 


YOUR 


Old-Fashioned 
Sour 

Bloody Mary 
Stinger 

Tequila Sunrise 
Martini 

Pina Colada 
Tonic 

Bacardi Cocktail 
Daiquiri 
Wallbanger 
Gimlet 

Black Russian 
Manhattan 
Sombrero 

Rob Roy 
Margarita 


ПІІГІГІГІГІГІГІСІГІНІГІГІГІГІГІГІГІ: 


Answers are on the following 
pages. with their recipes 


Drink ratings indicate relative popularity 
vof best sellers on an annual. nation 
wide I rank may vary 

by locale. climate, season, et 


at home...the same way professionals 
make them at famous nitespots and bars 


When the lights come on. it’s time for fun. In bars 
discos and dining spots. professional barmen are adding 
to your pleasure. Spurred by adventurous young adults, 
they're catering to new tastes in drinks. with different. 
better-tasting combinations of liquors and mixes. Even 
classic favorites are taking on new flavors! Examples 
of this are in this guide. Drinks you and your friends 
order determine national popularity rankings...and thus 
the drinks you'll want to serve at home 


Learn how to make the top 20 drinks: 

This guide shows you how to mix all today’s popular 
drinks, including the “top 20" best sellers in bars and 
restaurants. It has easy-to-use recipes for drinks made 
with all the basic liquors: Bourbon, Scotch. gin. vodka. 
tequila, rum. Southern Comfort. You'll even be able to 
improve favorite drinks.,.when you learn the experts 
secret of “switching sic liquors. An example is their 
use of Southern Comfort as a smoother, tastier base for 
Manhattans, Sours. even Collinses. etc. The difference 
is in the unique. delicious taste of Southern Comfort 
itself. First mix one of these drinks in the usual way 
then mix the same drink with Comfort? Compare them 
The improvement is truly remarkable. 


© 1979 SOUTHERN COMFORT CORPORATION 


What is Southern Comfort? 

Although it's used just like an ordinary 
whiskey, Southern Comfort tastes much 109 
different from any other basic liquor. 
And there's a reason. In gracious old 
New Orleans. one talented gentleman 
was disturbed by the taste of even the 
finest whiskeys of his day. So he com- 
bined rare and delicious ingredients. to 
create this superb. unusually smooth. 
special kind of basic liquor. That's how 
Southern Comfort was born. It tastes 
good. right out of the bottle! Its formula 


How to improve drinks—secret of the pros 

The flavor of any drink you mix is controlled by 
the taste of the liquor used as a base. Therefore. 
knowledgeable barmen improve many drinks just 
by “switching” the basic liquor called for in the 
recipe—to one with a more satisfying taste. 


The taste test at right shows why this is true. 


is still a family secret, its delicious taste 
still unmatched by any other liquor. First 
try it on-the-rocks. Then you'll understand 
why it improves mixed drinks, too. You'll 
realize why more and more leading 
bars and restaurants are switching 
to Southern Comfort as a base for new 

drinks and famous 
| classics. It is the 
secret of creating 
the really good- 
tasting drinks that 
| set today’s trends. 


Meke this simple taste test. 

prove it to yourself: 

Fill short glasses with cracked ice. 
Pour a jigger of Scotch or Bourbon 
into one. rum into another. pin into 
a third. and Southern Comfort into 
a fourth. Sip the whiskey. then the 
rum. then the gin. Now do the same 
with Southern Comfort. Sip i, and 
you've found a completely different 
kind of liquor. It tastes good with 
nothing added. That's why switching 
to Southern Comfort as a base will 
make most mixed drinks taste much 
better. It adds a deliciousness that 
no other basic liquor can. Just try 
Comfort* in your favorite drink. at 
home or next time you order it in 
а bar. One sip will convince you. 


RANK 


Try both recipes... prove it to yourself! 


[4] ordinary MANHATTAN 


1 jigger (1% ог.) Bourbon or rye 

у jigger sweet vermouth 

Dash of Angostura bitters (optional) 
Stir with cracked ice; strain into 
glass. Add a cherry Now learn 

the experts' secret: use recipe 


(8% 


at right. See how а simple 


switch in basic liquor in the spotlight at Paul Young's 
improves this famous drink. Restaurant, Washington, D.C. 


improved MANHATTAN 
1 jigger (1% oz.) Southern Comfort 

J^ jigger dry vermouth 

Dash of Angostura bitters (optional) 
Mix like ordinary recipe. But you'll 
enjoy it far more. Comfort* 5 delicious 
flavor makes a better-tasting drink. 
Comfort® Manhattan, | 


^ 


2 


RANK 


n 

GIMLET 

4 perts gin or vodka 

1 part Rose's sweetened lime juice 


Shake with cracked ice and strain 
into a cocktail glass. (Optional 
serve with small slice fresh lime.) 


17 

ЕОВ ВОҮ 

1 jigger (1% oz.) Scotch 
% jigger sweet vermouth 
Dash Angostura bitters 


Stir with cracked ic train 
into cocktail glass. Add a 
cherry or twist of lemon peel. 
(This drink's often called 

а "Scotch Manhattan”) 


RANK 


1 

DRY MARTINI 

4 parts gin or vodka 

1 part dry vermouth 

Stir with cracked ice; strain into gla 
Add green olive or twist of lern 
Gibson: 5 parts gin to 1 part vermouth. Add pearl or 


jet 


COMFORT: 'N BOURBON 
stage at the 
Los Angeles 


% jigger (% oz.) Southern Comfort 
% jigger Bourbon • % jigger water 


Pour liquors over cracked ice in 
а short glass and add water. Stir 
Serve with a twist of lemon peel. 
It's a delicrous combination! 


Southern Comfort® 


Mix top-ranking drinks with these top recipes: 


RANK 


[3] ordinary SOUR 


9 

MARGARITA 

1 jigger (1% oz.) tequila 

% oz. Triple Sec 

1 oz. fresh lime or lemon juice 
Moisten cocktail glass rim with 
fruit rind: spin rim in salt. Shake 
ingredients with cracked ice 
Strain into glass. 


SICILIAN KISS 
Great love of sun-lovers at 
Joe Murphy's Lounge. Tampa 
2 parts Southern Comfort 

1 part Amaretto di Saronno 
Pour over crushed ice in short 
glass; stir. Southern Comfort 
mates deliciously with this 
romantic liqueur from Italy. 


Try both recipes....one sip will convince youl 
the smoother SOUR 


1 jigger (1% оғ.) Bourbon or rye 
% jigger fresh lemon juice 
1 teaspoon sugar 


Shake with cracked ice: strain 
into glass. Add orange slice on 
rim of glass and а cherry. Now 
use recipe at right. Discover 
how a switch in basic liquor 
greatly improves this drink. 


1 jigger (1% ог.) Southern Comfort 
у jigger fresh lemon juice 

% teaspoon sugar 

Mix like ordinary recipe. Then sip it. 
You'll agree that Southern Comfort 
makes tha smoothest Sour ever! 
Comfort® Sour, a top drink 
at the Top of the Mark, The 
Mark Hopkins, San Francisco 


RANK 
15 
BACARDI COCKTAIL 
Juice % lime or lemon 
% tspn. sugar e 1 tspn. grenadine 
1 jigger Bacardi* light rum 
Shake well with cracked ice 
and strain into cocktail glass. 


в 

DAIQUIRI 

Juice % lime or % lemon 

1 teaspoon sugar 

1 jigger (1% oz.) ight rum 
Shake thoroughly vath cracked 
ice. until the shaker frosts. 
Strain into cocktail glass. 

For a new accent, use Southern Comfort 
instead of rum, only ¥; tspn. sugar. 


Women s clothes by F 


f California 


Use these easy-to-follow recipes: be the leading mixer in your crowd! 


RANK 
13 

TEQUILA SUNRISE 

2-3 dashes grenadine 

1 jigger tequila * orange juice 
Ра grenadine into 8-02. glass; fill 
with ice cubes. Add tequila. Fill 
with orange juice. Do not stir! 


| 
— 
اح‎ A brighter sunrise: swap tequila for Comfort" 
2 
BLOODY MARY 
2 jiggers tomato juice 
У jigger fresh lemon juice 
Dash of Worcestershire sauce 
1 jigger (1% 02.) vodka 


Sait. pepper to taste. Shake vaith 
cracked ice; strain into 6-02. glass. 


Simple drinks are most popular 
-..and Southern Comfort makes them taste 
much better. Its delicious flavor and smooth- 
ness enhance the taste of any mix you use. 


Try COMFORT? and: 

Cola • 7UP • Club Soda • Ginger Ale • Tonic 
Squirt * Lemonade * Milk е Juices: orange, 
Шр: grapefruit, apple, Cranapple® _ 


the cool TEUL 
From Las Piramides Баг, Mexico City 


1 oz. Southern Comfort 
% oz. tequila е orange juice 


Fill highball glass with ice cubes. Add 
liquors. Fill vath orange juice: stir Add 
cherry. Unusual. delicious. Caramba! 


LEMON COOLER 
8g at Brennan's Restaurant. Houston 


1 ngger (1% 02.) Southern Comfort 
Schweppes Bitter Lemon 


Pour Comfort® over ice cubes in tall 
glass. Fill with Bitter Lemon: stir. 


COMFORT: 'N COLA 

Juice and rind ж lime • cola 

1 лодег (1% oz.) Southern Comfort 
Squeeze lime Over ice cubes in tall 
glass; add rind. Add Southern 
Comfort. Fill with cola; stir 


16 Rum n Cola: Use rum instead of Comfort® 


Southern Comfort" 


SOMBRERO 

1 jigger (1% oz.) Café Comfort® 
or other coffee liqueur 

Chilled milk 

Fill B-oz. glass with ice cubes. 

Add liquor: fill with milk; stir 

A tip Of the hat to a cool one! 


5 

SCREWDRIVER 

1 jigger (1% oz.) vodka 
Orange juice 

Put ice cubes into 6 oz. glass. 
Add vodka: fill with juice; stir 
Put à new handle on your screwdriver. 
Use Southern Comfort instead of vodka. 


A headliner at Anthony's Pier 4, Boston 
1 jigger (1% oz.) Southern Comfort 

Pour Over cracked ісе in short glass; add 
twist of lemon peel. Comfort® over ice is 
as smooth and delicious as a cocktail. 
MIST: Use crushed ice in above recipe. This dilution 
‘frees even more of Comfort*’s superb flavor. 


E COMFORT" COLLINS 
| Talented tall cool one at Bal 
Harbour's Americana Hotel 

1 jigger Southern Comfort 
Juice И lime • 70Р 

Mix Southern Cornfort and 
lime juice т tall glass. Add 

ice cubes; fill with 7UP Best 
—and easiest —Collins of all! 


7 Тот Collins: Dissolve 1 tspn. sugar in 
¥ jigger lemon juice in tall glass. Add ice, 
1 jigger gin. Fill with sparkling water; stir. 


i 


RANK 
14 
PINA COLADA 
1 jigger (1% о2.) rum 
or Southern Comfort 
1 oz. Cream of Coconut 
2 oz. pineapple juice 
Shake with % cup crushed ice 
or use blender. Pour into tall 
glass filled with ice cubes. Add 
cherry. Superb coconut accent! 


6 

GIN 'N TONIC 

Juice, rind % lime е 1 jigger gin 
Schweppes Tonic Water 

Squeeze lime over ice cubes in ғ 
tall glass and адо гта. Pour in 

gin. Fill with tonic and stir. 

Switch to a better-tasting drink. Skip the 

gin: enjoy Cornfort *'s talènt for tonic. 


SLOW 'N COMFORTABLE 

Swinging screwdriver served at 

disco bars. coast to coast 

% jigger (% oz.) sioe gin 

% jigger Southern Comfort 

2 jiggers orange juice 

Fill highball glass with ice cubes 

Add liquors. orange juice, stir. 

Add a cherry, sip slow ‘n easy! 

ا 

COMFORT: WALLBANGER 

Famous with fun-seekers at the 

Айа Mira Hotel, Sausalito. CA 

1 oz. Southern Comfort 

% oz. Liquore Galliano 
Orange juice. 
Fill tall glass with ісе cubes. Add 
liquors. Fill with orange juice. Stir. 
20 HARVEY WALLBANGER: Use лода чв М ШШШ 
Comfort’ Add Galliano last, floating it on top. 


COMFORT: OLD-FASHIONED 
A highlight of a might at the 
Gaslight Club, Chicago 
Dash of Angostura bitters 

% oz. sparkling water 

% tspn. sugar (Optional) 

1 һадег Southern Comfort 


Str bitters, sugar, water in glass; 

add ice cubes. Comfort. Add twist of 
lemon peel, orange slice. cherry. Superb! 
10 Regular Old-Fashioned: Use 1 tspn. sugar, 

Bourbon ог rye instead of Southern Comfort. 


Men's clothes by Impact Sporiswiar and Cheeks for Men 


19 

STINGER 

1 jigger (1% 02.) brandy 

% nager white creme de menthe 


Shake with cracked ісе; strain. 


Comfort” instead of brandy makes 
7%. a stinger that's a humdinger. 


ALEXANDER 


1 part fresh cream 

---- 1 part creme de cacao 
1 part Southern Comfort 

or gin or brandy 
Shake thoroughly with cracked 
ке until chilled and strain 

into а cocktail glass. 


COMFORT* EGGNOG 

1 cup (В cz.) Southern Comfort 

1 quart dairy eggnog 

\ Chill ingredients. Blend in punch 
bow! by beating; dust with 

nutmeg. Serves 10. pleases all! 

1 Drink: Stir 4 parts eggnog, 1 part 

Comfort® in short glass; add nutmeg. 


Comfort, Southern Comfort and Calé Comtor are 
registered trademarks of Southern Comfort Corp. 


Printed in U S.A. 


SEND GIFTS DF 
| SOUTHERN CDMFORT 
ANYWHERE BY PHONE 


Сай Toll-free 
800-528-6148 


Charge to major credit cards 


RANK 
12 
BLACK RUSSIAN 
1 jigger (1% 02.) Café Comfort® 
or other coffee liqueur 
% jigger vodka 


Pour over ice cubes in short 
glass and stir thoroughly 


SCARLETT O'HARA 


Stars at Antoine's. New Orleans - 


1 jigger (1% oz.) Southern Comfort ‘WJ 
Juice % fresh lime т 
1 jigger Ocean Spray 

cranberry juice cocktail 


Shake with cracked ice; strain into P. 
glass. As intriguing as its namesake! 7 
BARN BURNER 1 


Hot trend at the Red Lion, Vail, CO y 
1 jigger (17 ог.) Southern Comfort 

Small stick cinnamon 

Slice lemon peel е hot cider 

Put cinnamon, lemon peel. Southern W 
Comfort in mug: fill with cider; stir t | 
(Put spoon in mug to pour hot cider) = 


OPEN HOUSE PUNCH 

Tastes like a super cocktail! Serves 32. 
One fifth (750 ml) Southern Comfort 

6 oz. fresh lemon juice • З quarts 7UP 
Dne 6 oz. can frozen lemonade 

One 6 oz. can frozen orange juice 


Chill ingredients. Mix in punch bowl. 7UP last. 
Add drops of red food coloring (optional); stir 
Float block of ice; add orange. lemon slices 


HAPPY HOUR PUNCH Serves 25. 
One fifth (750 ml) Southern Comfort 

1 cup (B oz.) pineapple juice 

1 cup grapefruit juice е % cup lemon juice 

2 quarts champagne or 7UP 

Chill ingredients. Mix in punch bowl. adding 
charnpagne last. Add ice cubes; garnish with 
orange slices. Puts punch in any party! 


SOUTHERN COMFORT CORPORATION, 80-100 PROOF LIQUEUR, ST. LOUIS, MO 63132 


the subject of civil liberties for homo- 
sexuals has been a major topic of discus- 
sion for years. 


RETURN TICKET REQUESTED 
Just finished the January installment 


of Playboy's New Age Primer. 1 found 

“Mystery Booms” quite provocativ 
-Day Gnosis intriguing: 
"Astral. Projection,” h. was 


is a wh 


as tempting 
Told. С. 


to your peerless pages. especially 
I. uh. heh heh... well, just how 
does one reverse the effects of the out-of- 
hody-experience formula? My spirit is 
us, but the flesh, vou sce. ... In the 
meantime. could you get another peek at 

г Gig ready for when I re 


since 


drool d 
turn, pl 


Jack С. Saltsman 
Kent, Ohio 


PJS ON TV 
1 have been getting PrAvnoy by sub- 
ht months now and I've 
never enjoyed a magazine more. 1 am. 
g in particular about your January 
1 essay Playboy's Pajama Partic: 
Т want to sec 
nately. 1 have no invitation. However, 
I'm a subscriber to Home Вох Office cable 
TV. Maybe good ol’ Hef could send an 
invitation for his next New Year's party 
to the big shoo at НЛО, and cell dieu 
to bring their cameras. Just an idea. 
Mike Werke 
Wyomi 


scription Lor ei 


writ 


pi 
Fantasti 


оге. Unfortu- 


Hichi; 


Playboy's Pajama Parties, Very superbly 

My compliments also to the rest of 

the contributors, layout people and Hef 
sue 

an 1 by request) 

Eugene, Oregon 


don: 


р 
zowski off yo 
list and put hi 
soon! Since your pictures of her in prc 


please, please take Liz Сіз 
mate 


= 


prospective Р 


on your must 


vious issues and again on page 
the January issue, 1 (and the rest of the 


world) have been 
Please don't disappoint us. 
Lee Hale 

Columbus. Mississippi 

We wouldn't think of it, Lee. As you'll 

sce in this month's centerfold, your anx 


ious wail is over. 


waiting anxiously 


KEEP ON TREKKING 

Your pictorials on the latest. heart- 
throbs are always outstanding; but when 
I read the article “Star Treks” Enter- 
prising Return, by Gretchen McNeese 
чагу issue, you convinced me 
yc vine had intelligent 
Ше forms that didnt function on hor- 
mones alone. The article and pictures 


just dial your number. 


GRAMERCYS 


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1980 CATALOG 


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PLAYBOY 


18 


are great. Long live Star Trek! Thanks 
to the fans and the media for knowing а 
good thing when they see it- 
Phyllis Curtis 
Tulsa, Oklahoma 


It's good to run across а non-Trekker 
who cin open his or her mind enough 
to perceive the г meaning of Star 
Trek. It doesn’t have to compete with 
Star Wars and similar movies. because 
they're different concepts. Star Wars рго- 
motes fun and entertainment (and is 
very good at it, [ must say), whereas Star 
Trek promotes a possible future for 
unkind, if we 


1 sen up. My hat is 
off to Gretchen McNeese and to jeff 
Martini 


Joel Gray 
Fayetteville, Arkansas 


SKIPPED BEAT 

Many thanks to Bruce Williamson 
(Playboy After Hours, January) for his 
kind words about Heart Beat, but the 
photograph that accompanies his review 
is miscaptioned. Those are my friends 
Ann Dusenberry and Ray Sharkey in 
the shot with Nick Nolte, not John 
Heard and myself. 


Sissy Spacek 
Topanga. California 
You haze our apology for the misiake, 
Sissy. Or perhaps our sympathy, since the 
scene looks like it was a lot of fun 


GRATEFUL FOR GIG 
Our college-dorm hall will never be the 
same! January's Playmate, Gig Gangel, 
has an overwhelming "healthy" appear- 
ance that makes college life a hell of a 
lot easier. Thanks, PtAvnov, for making 
exam week very enjoyable! 
Bates House. Tenth Floor B 
University of South Carolina 
Columbia, South Carolina 


Tf this is a sample of rravnov of the 
Eighties. I'll be clipping out all the sub- 
scription cards in upcoming issues for 
all my friends! Thanks for Gig! More! 

Carl R. Cimm 
St. Paul, Minnesota 


I've thought of a great movie for 1080. 

It stars Cig Gangel and it's called “/2. 
K. C. O'Brien 

Louisville, Kentucky 


Gig Gangel is a real beauty. No trick 
photography there! For the new year, 
why not resolve to let u more by 
Ken Marcus and more Playmates of Gig's 
caliber (if you can find them)? 

Harry Rogers 
Chillicothe, Missouri 


ses 


My sincere thanks for choosing Gig 
Gangel as your first Playmate of 1980. 
If she’s an omen of what's to come, your 
les should triple. I first fell in love 


with her as a prospective i in 
Ken Marcus: pictorial in May and again 
with her cover photo in October. I hope 
your editors share my enthusiasm by se- 
lecting her Playmate of the Year. 

Steven Lasky 

Las Vegas, Nevada 


Gig Gangel is the most voluptuous 
woman any of us has ever seen. Her 
perfect body has become the object of 
an almost unnatural obsession with us, 
She raised our spirits (among other 
things) for the holiday season. How 
about another look at those exquisite 
frontal features? 

"The Appreciative Males, 
First Floor Marshall 

Franklin and Marshall College 

Lancaster, Pennsylvari 

We find nothing at all unnatural 
about your obsession with Gig, men. As 


Jor those frontal features, we, too, have а 
particular fondness for high cheekbone 


NAMING THE GAME 
In the January Playboy Advisor, you 
comment on the dearth of common terms 


lor female masturbation. In. doing sex- 
wality workshops with mental-he 
fessionals, we, too, have noticed this 
wnhappy lack of terms. Although the 
word masturbation can be used by auto 
croticists of either gender, it lacks the 
rich imagery of 
choking the chicken, pulling the pud or 
beating the meat. But the creativity of 
some of my workshop participants has 
provided а few choice terms for the 
women of Initially, the ex- 
pressions were derivatives of male terms: 
jilling off instead of jacking off, for 
example. But now we have a few of our 
Tickling the cliuy and rubbin" 
nubbin were two expressions generated 
at a recent NOW sex awareness work- 
shop; but my personal favorite came 


th pro- 


such as 


expressions 


meric 


own, 


from a woman who had recently dis- 
covered the joys of a vibrator. She calls 
her new autocrotic practice catching a 
buzz. Hm-m-m! 
Ronni Rittenhouse, Acting 
Director 
Northern Panhandle Mental 
Health Genter 
New Martinsville, West Virginia 


My collegiate associates and I attempt- 
ed to arrive at а few synonyms for fe- 
male masturbation. Here are some of the 
results: hit the dit, primin' the hymen, 
teasing the twat, beating the beaver, 
poking the puss and, of course, working 
out at the Y. 

(Name withheld by request) 
Hendrix College 
Conway, Arkansas 


GROOVY MOVIES 

I just want to say that Jay Lynch and 
Skip Williamson deserve a big hand for 
their production. of Playboy's Photo 
Flicks im your January issue. Terrific! 
Quite a brilliant idea—I hope to sec 
more flicks іп future issues to add to 
Ше collection. 


Terry E. Elkington 
Salt Lake City, Utah 


Could Jay Lynch and Skip Williamson 
have been under the influence of some- 
thing stronger than, say. Hefner's pipe 
smoke when they read Thomas Edison's 
biography? I doubt the sage of Menlo 
Park intended to show movies on the 
phonograph. (He always mapped 90 
minutes between major inventions.) Still, 
if they put the scissors to rrAvmOY in 
inventors’ heaven, Tom just may be 
misspending his days going blind in 
front of the flickering turntable. 

Ross R. Whitney 
Spokane, Washington. 


CALLING DR. FREUD 
"There is something curious about the 
cover of your January issue. I am re- 
ferring to the balloons above Steve Mar 
tin's head. Although I pride myself on 
having a vivid imagination, I did not 
have to use it at all to see penis heads, 
breasts and /or asses in those balloons. I 
understand enough about commercial 
art to realize that по color. shadow or 
shape would appear by accident, and in 
this case, the forms I allude to have 
been intentionally highlighted. Perhaps 
your publication is not trying to be sub- 
tle and I have only noticed the obvious. 
I would appreciate any comments on 
the thought behind the balloons. Are 
your rcaders supposed to sce body parts? 

J. Eiker 

Painesville, Ol 
Readers пке free 10 see whatever they 
want in our balloons, but, frankly, when 
we want body parts, we show body parts! 


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PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


THE POLITICAL MACHINE 

Every Presidential election. gives birth 
to a plethora of candidates—who, in 
turn, give credence to the [act that, more 
often than not, there are plenty of nuts 
loose in the political machine. This year’s 
election. however. has the distinction of 
actually having a few nuts, bolts and 


gearshifis in the race as well. The latest 
politico to declare his candidacy im 
Washington is FUBAR. D.C based 


promotional robot who has his sockets 
on the Oval Office. 
FUBAR (Futuristic 
Robot) is ra 
pendent ticket and is already well versed 
in the talk. 
Quizzed on how he stood on the Iranian 
issue. he quipped, “1 love U 
Asked about his stamina, he parried 
with, * 
hundred and eight babies per minute.” 
And as to why а robot has decided to 
run for the olfice of President, FUBAR 
calmly stated, “The time has come for 
the many robots already in Government 
10 have a leader 


Bio 


ng on an inde 


Uranium 


Atomic 


ways of political double 


anium.” 


These lips are able 10 process one 


QUOTE OF THE MONTH 
Overheard at a (where else?) Holly- 
wood party: "Know how I make it nine 
inches? I fold it in half. 


TIME TO NAG 


Science, that wonderful area of study 
that has brought the world Silly Putty, 
child-proo£ 

bomb, has triu 


spirin bottles and the Н 


aphed once again, coming 
up with yet another way to make day-to- 
day living just a wee bit more exasper- 
ating, The latest boon to mankind to hit 
the market is a solar-powered, talking 
wrist watch that only a mother could 
love. The watch not only tells you th 
time but also harps at you um 


1 you get 


out of bed. The little bedmate begins the 


y by belchin о! 
Go! Go!” If that doesn't work, it prattles, 


“You are now ten minutes [20 minutes, 


and so on] past your alarm time,” until 
you either get out of bed or hurl the con- 
traption across the room and into the 
lar wall—thus proving that time сіп, 
indeed, fly when you're having fun, 

. 

And we thought his hair was his own: 
The Philadelphia Daily News reports 
that kick-ass rocker Jerry Lee Lewis has 
been on probation alter being convicted 
“of driving under the influence of rugs.” 


NO NUDES IS BAD NUDES 


Alongside the snail darter and the 
bald cagle on the endangered-species 
list. add the Michigan model. A 
budget cut at Michigan State University 
may have caused an end to the practice 
of using nude models in the art classes 
Horrified together, 


ude 


students banded 


signing petitions urging college officials 
to keep the bodies beautiful belore their 
1 


the 


easels. "Live models arc an essent 
clement in the cducation of 
Your 


these 


artists, 


students explained. removal of 
the live model 
analogous to removing the piano from 


the musician.” 


from asses is 


In other words, adminis 


trators, a pretty girl is like a melody. 
. 
The Rutland, Vermont, Herald те 


ports that a 19-year-old man who pleaded 
guilty to the charge of lewd and lascisi- 
ous behavior “was masturbating while 
nude outside the Sticky Fingers Bakery," 


THE GIRUS ALL HEART 


For strictly professional reasons. that 
we will divulge in а moment, we found 
ourself, in the orgy room ol Plato’ 
Retreat around 11 recent. evening. 
We were sitting on a red mattress about 


one 


three leet in front of a very 


attract 


naked woman named Tara Alexander, 


who was lving on her back with her legs 
spread wide, enthusiastically and simul. 
tancously having ses with four men. One 
man was stroking away v 


rously from 


the missionary position, a second was 


being attended to orally, a third manu 
ally, and the fourth was fondling Tara's 
right breast and nipple while waiting 
patiently for a position to open up (her 
other hand was tempor 
action). 

sight at Plato's, except. that these шеп 
the 49th, 50th, 51st and 52nd to 
have sex with Tara so far this night—and 


for their turn, not 


ly missing in 


This would not be an unusual 


were 


3 more were waitin 
includin nd, who was sched- 
шей to be number 76. and last 

АП of this tumescence was officially 
billed as a Spermathon, a chance for 7 
ordinary citizens, cach of whom had 
asked for an invitation in response to an 
offer in Screw magazine, to help the 


her hush 


23 


PLAYBOY 


24 


SPRING FEVER: MYTH OR FICTION? 
an investigative report on one of mankind's most 
mysterious maladies 


pring-fever 
$ eres 
complain. alter- 
nately of pain in 
the heart, ants 
in the pants and 
fire in the blood. 
But just because 
Blue Cross 
doesn't pay off 
spring-fever 
aims, don't 
jump to the con- 
clusion that it's 
ll in your head. 

Stephen Ro 
sen. author of 
Future Facts 
nd Weatherin, 
reports that in 
northern cli- 
mates, high rel 
tive blood acidity 
(low pH) coin- 
cides with the ad- 
vent of spring. 
"Resistance to in 
fection, to intoxication. to trauma and 
to emotional impacts is at its lowest 
level then. Conceptions are. dimin- 
ished, while stillbirths and deaths in 
the population peak during this 
ime. Rosen attributes another 
springfever symptom to the unpre- 
dictable alternation of warm and cool 
temperatures: “You will sleep long and 
tire easily one or more days alter a 
sharp dip in temperature, mimicking 
spring feve: 

In w 


blood pressure 
n. mineral and pro- 
tein deficiencies develop. Blood ves 
sels expand to carry internal heat to 
the body surface and the body must 
produce up to a quart of new blood. 
Since plasma is manufactured more 
quickly than corpuscles are, the blood 
becomes diluted. An old home remedy 
for thin spring blood was sulphur- 
nd-molasses tonic, but à more popu- 
w contemporary treatment would be 
diet with lots of milk, vegetables 
and fresh greens. 

In spring. the body undergoes а 
major metabolic shilt trom a pl 
ol [at storage to one of consumi 
stored. fats, an important seasonal 

nge that may severely influence 
aily mood. 

Experiments with animals lave 
connected the longer days of spring 
with sexual changes. In squirrels. in. 
creased light triggers a chain reaction 


from the brain 
to the pituitary 
gland. releasing 
hormones that 
enlarge sex 
glands. Blinded 
ducks never at- 
tain full sexual 
maturity and, 
among 
species of birds. 
gonadal develop- 
ment is clearly 
stimulated Dy 
longer days. 

In humans. 
light. affects the 
pineal gland 
which is located 
n the brain and 
controls the pro- 
duction of mela. 
tonin, a hormone 


On longer 


melatonin 


decreases and othe 


у e more 
idmissions and si 
than in other seasons—with 
¢ exception of the Christmas holi 
days. In spring. college students 
possess maximum energy and. inex- 
plicably. male panhandlers experience 
their most successful sponging 

Since spring fevers cydical symp 
toms can't be prevented or cured, and 
il neo-Dionysian rites such rt 
Lauderdale Easter and Kentucky 
by week don't exorcise demon dol- 
melt down your torpor at the 

Snowman Burning at Sault 
Marie, M n. on March 
) which features the reading of 
antiwinter poetry, distribution of 
Frostbite Certificates апа the ritual 
torching of snowpersons: toss your 
gloom away at the World Cow Chip 
Throwing Championship at Beaver, 
Oklahoma, April or the Hell 
Hole Swamp Festival in Jamestown 
South Carol ау 2-4, where you 
can drown your lethargy in country 
music and the crown) of Miss Hell 
Hole Swamp herself. 

So scoff, if you must, but spring 
fever happens to be а semiverihable 
disease and, as such, is entitled to the 
same honot 
ed to the blues, fu ache and pains 
in the ass. — THEODORE FISCHER 


hospital 


ady status accord- 


chesunuchaired actress fuck and suck her 
y imo the Guinness Book of World 
Records. Unofficially, it was a good- 
natured publicity stunt that failed to 
auract a representative from Guinness 
but did draw enough reporters and pho- 
tographers t0 cover a moon shot. We 
arrived in time for a precoital press 
conference 4 Tara posed in 
a transparent negligee and answered 
such questions as “Do you һауе medical 
“Are you nervous?” 
with anticipation.) 
ddstein 
nd young 
Gary Goldstein (no relation) had the 
honor ol tossing Tara the first ball while 
the recruits. having been given numbers 
inked on large sq 
wandered around, adjusting thei 
around white towels, Fortunately. every 
one had been issued a sheet of rules that 
answered a lot of questions about Таға» 
performance. For instance, anyone who 
wanted t0 enter her vaginally was re 
quired to wear a prophylactic (courtesy 
of the house). IE you took too long to 
come, you were subject to disqualilic 
tion: but. on the other hand, Tara would 
not be allowed to employ a fluffer (some. 
one to get you hard in advance) to speed 
up the action. Fair is fair 

As events got under way, the first four 
men cn ta cheers 
and shouts of encouray T 
assisted by a statuesque woman ¢ 
see-through leotard who was rel 
only as Nui 
bbing each m 
towel soaked in alcohol, applying a 


s ol pink pape 


wrap 


ed the or 


rred to 
e Nurses duties involved 


"s genitals with a cle 


ctic if one was needed and wish 
good time. She 
ny time someone 


n!—grabbing 


prophy 


ing the participa 
sprang, 

called out "Lubric 
tube of i and deftly 
reaching grunting bodies 
to apply the slippery stuff to the spor 
where 


so 


Таргі 


was necded without breaking 
one's rhythm. 

Even though Nurse gave а virtuoso 
performance, the evening belonged to 
Т At half time, the score was 23 
па only four disqualifications 
"She looks fresh as a daisy,” remarked 
a knowledgeable observer. 71 think she'll 
reach 75 easily.” Tara resumed slowly, 
though, and things dragged for a bit 
belore perking up as number 49 ap- 
proached. Many of the men were waiting 
for oral sex, even though other options 
were ble. Finally, about 1:30 a.m., 
Таға not only had provoked 75 orgasms 
but also had gone on to service every 
clad body in the house, 82 in all. A 
photographer on the scene said she 
looked cager enough to begin all over 
again as she embraced number 83. her 
patient husband, who presumably was 
not the jealous type. --ТОМ PASSAVANT 


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28 


MEDIA 


Does sex sell magazines? Don't ask us, ask 
Esquire. The venerable but rocky men's mog- 
azine promised ік readers it would cover 
every area of mole interest except sex and 
nudity—you know, that marginal stuff. In 
two recent issues, Esquire gove its readers сі 
hot look ot Hugh Hefner's private life in 
excerpts of Thy Neighbor's Wife, Gay Tolesc's 
forthcoming study of sex in America. We'll 
refrain, deor Esquire, from pounding thc scx- 
val ironies into the ground, but we'd like 

to know: Was it good for you guys, too? 


Would You 
Tm Oniy 10. 


Tine Payne 


And they wonder what got into Romon 
Polanski: Above is one of a series of five full- 
page ads touting the charms of ten-year-old 
Hollywood moppet Tina Payne. The pub- 
licity campaign wos opperently the idea 

of the kid’s mother, one Dorothy Payne, who 
went West from Texas, family in tow, to get 
Tine into showbiz. Variety turned down one 
ad as in poor taste, but the Hollywood 
Reporter (for $7500) bit for all five. 


Our You Get What You 
Poll For Award, When Did 
You Stop Beating Your 
Wife? Division, goes to the 
editors of Glemour mago- 
zine for this egregious 
example of the leaded 
question. We note, by the 
woy, thet Glomour cites 
books, newspapers, adver- 
tising and the motion- 
ture business as exploiters 
of sex and degraders of 
women—but carefully 
avoids emphesizing the 
mogozine industry. 


you! 


The media have a long way to go in their treatment of 
мотег, say most of you who answered our regular 

monthly survey. You do believe that books and newspapers, 
advertising and the motion picture industry exploit sex 

to show wornen in a degrading way. The right of freedom of 
speech is used, you feel, to legitimize humiliating and abusive 
material of all kinds—and you want it stopped. At the вате 
time, you seem to feel that banning certain ads or the more 
violent movies may create an unwanted black market for such 
material. For more results of Glamour's survey, read on. 


HERES WHAT 
YOURE SAYING: 


© Does tne medias image ot 
women as victims offend you? 


[Bighty-foue percent of you say 
the media portray woman not as 
humen beinge but 


Тһе way women ert portrayed ıs degradrg 
and къай, Ws portant fo young gets 
io see women represented аз mengen 
‘and capatie human beings. Instead. 

we are shown as empty neaced sespdts. 


© Should all violence against 
women be cut from the media? 


Saty-fivepercent of you believe 
that the mora vinlanes man see, the 
Foro И seams normal end rorforcee. 
Contempt and hetod of women. 


“Even though we say we mart equality 
ard respect, the meda help men believe we 
Fave a odên desit to be GOTNE 


© Does pornography 
glorifying women as victims 
lead lo volent crime? 


Most of you —78 percent. belisvs. 
that such pornography affects roat- 
life Behavior. The message ie 
that woman dosire such treatment, 
orat least expect. 


жє beard went -such domination and 
Vidence. Ага tss helps men lee 
Jess gully about her actons. 


© Can а person safely get 
rid of sexual urges by watching 
violent movies? 


Eighey in percent of you ver no, 
‘even though some prychologista. 
Бонем net watching violent films con 
actually help » person get rid of 
‘sexual and violent urgesin a safe way. 


Ф What's most offensive to you? 


Most of you - 50 percent sy 
pornographic books and magazines 
‘offend you most. Another 37 percent say 
‘movies or television snow» thet porta. 
women as being bound, dagradad 

от killed for валы! atimultion or pleasure 
‘tend you. And 13 percent ara cHerded 
by violen images on record covers. 


© What would a ban mean? 


Some ба percent of you believe that 
‘banning Certain ade or more 
violent movies would probably create 
black market for the materiel. 


"When в common. n becomes 
commonplace I think b tan мош maie 
moro сезде to зоте people. 


AND MORE. 


“Recently, I came across a really 
disgusting magazine hidden in оге of 
жо seldom used cobingt at work. Fm. 
repulsed when 1 think of my co-workore 
drooling over this sort of pornographic 
garbage. No wonder they make stupid, 
Sourading comments about women." 


1 shudder when 1 picture yuung boys 
watching a move about rape and ипие, 


Зо that's he way b treat а woman." 


“Мон mon know the difference 
banwaan the women in the media and 


o CALENDAR 
E o 


WHAI YOU 
TOLD US 


1. Do you find the image 
in the modis 
women na victims offensive? 
BA percent say yes 
12 percent say no 
4 percent arerol sure 


2. Do you think all violence of 
‘suggestion of violence 
эритет women should ve 
eliminated in the media? 
E» percent say yes 
28 percent say no. 
7 percent are nol sure 


3. Do you think thet pomography 
glorifying woman es victims affects 
талына Babovior and tends 
o violent crimes such es rape? 

T pecentsayyes 


20 percent say rot necessaniy 
2 percent are not sure 


4. Some peychclogista Байоо 
that watching violent movies can 
‘ectually help a person 
шег а of sexual and violent urge 
in a nafa way Do you apres? 

14 percent say yes 

B6 percent say no 


5. Which do you find offensive? 

'50 percent say pornographic books 
and maganees 

13 percent say noient mages 
on record covers 

37 percertsoy moves ог TV shows 
тә ролғау women эс bang 
bound, degraded or led 
Tor senal simulation or pease 


6. Do you think thet banning. 
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for the materisi? 

‘66 percentsay probably 

22 percent say по 

12 percent are not sue 


u B 
Tum the page to fll oul this month's 
survey, which is on women and religion. 


Weekends 
` were made 
47 Jor Michelob. 


sb. 


By ANHEUSER-BUSCH, INC. • ST. LOUIS, MO. * SINCE 1696 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous toYour Health. 


978 B&W T со 


9 mg. "tar", 0.8 mg, nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method. 


ADNESS: Cross-cultural permuta- 
tions are nothing new in pop musi 
but a British skinhead playing the dread- 
lock music of Jamaica? The knuckle- 
heads who call themselves Madness play 
an early variation of reggae called ska, 
a horn-happy, jump-tempoed dance mu- 
sic that is the fave of the moment in 
Britain. And when Madness cakewalked 
ошо the stage at Hurrah, one of New 
York's influential New Wave discos, the 


place lit up like a spliff. Roots music сап 
sometimes taste like forbidden fruit, but 
Madness comes on like the Bowery Boys 
іп Trenchtown. With the momentum 
from a new album released by Sire and a 
recent American tour, Madness is commit- 
led to drive us “one step beyond." If it 
succeeds, we'll start either sporting crew. 
cuts or digging out those old porkpie hats. 

— JOHN MILWARD 


TILT: Our Hot Wax Award for April goes 


to Pinball Playboy (Motown), by Cook 
County, on which our own venerable 
theme goes disco. 


ЖІТІ A BULLET! 


Throughout history, man has sought 
10 make curious sounds come out of his 
mouth. The human voice is, after all, 
the original musical instrument. A few 
millennia's worth of experimentation 
has produced yodeling (both Alpine and 


% 
T 


blues), African click singing, Tibetan 
simultaneous harmonics, North African 
ululations, religiously inspired glosso- 
lalia, jazz scat singing and, now, Beb 
Gurland and his voice trumpet. 

Gurland does not play the trumpet, 
understand. He sings like a trumpet. 
Really. He sounds like Louis Armstrong's 
singing and trumpet playing combined. 
Listen to Goin’ Down Slow on Richard 
Т. Bear's Captured Alive (RCA). That 
extremely funky, muted trumpet solo 
came out of Curland's mouth. Check out 
Get Outta Yourself on Rupert Holmes's 
Partners in Crime (Infinity): That's his 
solo, all right, but he also overdubbed 
the entire horn section. 

Gurland has been amazing people with 
his singular talent for over a decade, but 
it’s only lately that he's felt ready to put 
together his own band. "T realized that 
people weren't treating it as a gimmick 
or a novelty,” he said recently, "when I 
was asked to do a TV show with Dizzy 
Gillespie." Having established his chops, 
Garland is now thinking more in terms 
of jazz scat singing. There are also a few 
side benefits to his art. "You meet a lot 
of girls doing this.” he reflected. Oh, 
yeah? "Right. They usually ask me what 
else 1 can do with my mouth. 


DEMOLITION DERBY: Maybe we 
should have been forewarned when we 
ran into those two dazed youths who 
were standing (barely so) outside the 
Palladium in New York Gity. They were 
dressed in faded, grimy denim jackets 
embroidered with large link chains, and 
their dirty, chewed-down fingers were 
wrapped around bottles of cheap wine. 
Their teeth were chipped, their hair was 
mottled, they hadn't shaved and they 
looked like they could give a shit less. 
They also held two tickets to The Plasmaties. 

“Were gonna see some destruction 
tonight,” they chortled 

Inside the Palladium, the buzz was 
centered on how The Plasmatics were 
going to wreck a used-car-lot Cadillac 
onstage. Mitch Ryder, the middle act, 
was being booed off when we arrived. A 
blood-lusty bunch, this audience. They 
weren't anxiously awaiting The Plas- 
matics’ music, either: The group has an 
extended.play single that is pretty much 
a secret sileswise, but the 3300-seat Pal- 
ladium was nearly filled. 


We knew a little about The Plasmat- 
ics, having seen their premiere perform- 
ance in July 1978 at CBGB. The group 
had been put together by a fellow named 
Rod Swenson, a holder of a master’s 
degree in fine arts from Yale who long 
before that grew bored with the idea of 
painting and became a promoter of live 
sex exhibitions in two Times Square 
theaters under the name Captain Kink. 
After (by his count) 1700 performances, 
the Times Square vice crackdown of 
then-mayor Beame gave the boot to Cap- 
tain Kink, who emerged again as Rod 
Swenson, rock-n’roll video and film 
maker for the likes of Patti Smith and 
The Ramones. Swenson also took with 
him his top performer from the sex 


31 


and our harrowing early days о! confusion 
and defeat to the final days of victory. The |9 
complete story told as only Time-Lire 
Books could tell it. 


TIME 


BOOKS| 


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TIME LIFE BOOKS 


Time & Life Bldg. Among the grippingly illustrated volumes in the series: Blitzkrieg, 

Chicago, ІІ. 60611 Hitler launches his onslaught east, then west... The War in the Des- 
еп, tanks of Montgomery and Rommel slug it out; the Yanks land. 

Еке Екы ang Please and i The Battle of Britain, the RAF's finest hour... The Italian Campaign, 

усеве me minanon rene шегу sub Sicily, Salerno, Anzio, Cassino—the long fight up the peninsul: 

scription to the WoRLD WAR II series. If | decide to keep. у, , ^ ng рер а. 

Island Fighting. | will рау $9.95 plus shipping and handling The Battle of the Bulge, The German surprise attack nearly suc- 

I then will receive future volumes in the WORLD WAR It ceeds...and others you can collect опе at a time, always on free- 


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other month. Each volume is $9.95 plus shipping and han- 
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There is no minimum number of books that I must buy, and 
Ter ere imran ume of сена tL bu aa ollow them onto 
ing you. If | do not choose to keep Island Fighting, 1 will 

the beaches. 


return the book within 10 days, my subscription for future 
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Frontline photographs capture the fury of the War. These Marines are 


pinned down along the Betio sea wall 


Exch bi. hardbound volume: BN" x 11h" 
‘Approsimatey 208 pages. 10.000 words. 


PLAYBOY 


34 


COFFEE, 
COLA 


OR 
VIVARIN? 


"There are times when 
nothing beats a cup of 
good, hot coffee or an 
ice cold cola. They taste 
good, and give you the lift 
you want. 

But if, as the day 
wears on, you sometimes 
find yourself having coffee 
or cola just for the lift, 
you really should know 
about Vivarin. 

Vivarin is the gentle 
pick-me-up. The active 
ingredient that makes 
Vivarin so effective is the 
caffeine of two cups of 
coffee (ог about six glasses 
of cola) squeezed into one 
easy to take tablet. 

Next time you want 
a lift, pick Vivarin. 

It's convenient, inexpensive 
and it really works. 


Read label for directions, 


round her; thus were The PI. 
ned. Their debut м: 
anchy and their cent 
Wendy Orleans Will 
reduced 


nd 


presence, 
(christened to spell. WOW). 


ims 


singing to mere oral stimulation 
А short film preceded The P 


out tonight’ 
they w 


n 
microphone cord nestled solidly in her 
folds, ete., etc. 

Once the film ran out, а man who 
sported a Mohawk haircut dyed teal blue 
and a kind of maid's uniform mounted 
a platform and, with a sledge hammer, 
proceeded to smash three television sets 
in the center of the stage—belore the 
struck a note. He then 
strapped on a left-handed Gibson V- 
dy guitar, Wendy popped 
id, whammo, ‘The Plasmatics 
The next hour or so was filled 
n only be likened to 
t train from the perspec 
e's head pinned to the 
th. Thematically, the 
m songs that centered 
es to stuff about the 
ы From the rear of the 
we were 
we noted that Wendy's prominent tits 
aimed remarkably s ar 
while she bounced and skipped like a 
SEL that the Mohawk-headed gui- 
s to use a 
guitar as anything but a musical insuu- 
ment than even Kiss Ace Frehley; and 
that the spectators were mesmerized һу 
excess of sound and sight. 
ally, the moment we'd been waiting 
rived. Wendy gleefully picked "P 
the sledge hammer and bega 
c windows of the Cadillac. 
appeared to be sticks of explosive 
shoved into the Caddy's interior 
boom, the doors and da 
ofl. More explosives we 
the car as the band played on. 
Boom, the roof, trunk and hood covi 
blew off, са. The band 
was showered with debris and glass. Sud- 
crew members dressed as firemen 
f down the 


Irom 


tive of having ¢ 
acks under 


what 
were 


and, board. 
blew 


into 


shoved 


The crowd r 


to be bleeding 
exposed areas. Once the fire and smoke 
deared, Wendy stepped up to the micro- 
phone and yelled, “Now here's our A.M. 
t, Butcher Baby.” We didn't know hı 
to react to thal, The с to Butcher 
Baby our i 

awing his 


ew members toppled the ow 
ng grid. We knew how to n 
- We lett. STANLEY м 


REVIEWS 


On first secing Wazmo Nariz, it seems 
perfectly natural that the man is wearing 
iwo neckties. You know something's 
wrong, but you don't know what it is 
Unlike fine wines and Beethoven, Wazmo 
is not an acquired taste—you either like 
him or you don't. Coming out of Chi 
cago's North Side New Wave clubs, 
has that rare ability to get halt of 
up on its collective feet to wh 
cheer, while the other half takes to its 
collective feet and storms out the door. 
In his debut album, Things Arent Right 
(1.8.5), Wazmo jerks and shakes his 
voice up and down scales heretofore Ire 
quented only by the 1 
ton g 
backed with the as beat of the 
Wazband. As for us, well take Wazmo 
к. over Montrachet any time. 


1 Yma Sun 


. 
The music of Ormene Coleman, 
the man himself, is idiosy 
of the few people who can wc 
musical turf with the same v 
feelings ате the members of his fc 
band, Don Chery, Dewey Кейт 
harlie Haden and Ed Blackwell; so it's 
ing that two of the best cuts on their 
LP, Old ond New Dreams (ECM), are by 
Omette. Whats even better, though, is 
that the rest of the album is terrific, too. 
. 
olomon Burke is such a great soul 
could use the telephone 
ad make 
audience cry. Fortunately, he's got better 
stuff on Sidewalks, Fences ond Wells (ln 
ү, the tide tune, a country] 
1 of childhood love written 
by coproducer Jerry Willi 
Swamp Dogg. The rest of the albi 
a tendency toward overproductic 
the material is good, the basic concepts 
are sound and, regardless of what the 
orchestra may be doing, King Solomon 
always gets 1 licks. 


his 


few sensa 

. 

Pat Benatar’s first album, In the Heer 
of the Night (Chrysalis), comes to us from 
the same folks and (in part) the same 
producer who brought vou Blondie—and 
it seems as if every ellort. possible ha 
been made to clone success. Miss Ве 

just as cute as Debbie Н 
Wave 


disco cut 
la 
dit, 
ges frequently to cut се from 
d show herself as her own New 
хе) Woman, with a voice that has 
more edge to it and that goes more places 
than Debbie Harry's does these days. The 
most satisly here are the 
non-Blondic clones, dramatic excursions 
closer to. Meat. Loaf than to Blondic's 
minimalist/futurist. Buddy Holly 
IRR unlike MT: TORÊ йез of 


(would that be 
Heart of Glass, But, to Benatar's с 
she m. 


g songs 


The 1980 Mazda RX-7 GS 


Justone look is all it takes to appreciate 
the exceptional value of the Mazda RX-7 
versus Datsun 280ZX or Porsche 924. 


As remarkable as the Mazda 
RX-7 is on its own merits, it looks 
all the better when compared 
with the competition. Because the 
sleek, aerodynamic КХ-7 is vir- 
tually everything you could want 
ina refined sports car—at an 
almost unbelievable price. 

It can reach 0-50 in 6.3 seconds. 
Its inherently compact rotary en- 
gine is placed behind the front 
axle, for ideal weight distribution 
and superb handling. 

In auto racing, a specially- 
prepared RX-7 won its class at the 
Daytona 24-hour race. Another 
КХ-7 seta world speed record at 
Bonneville. 

Тһе smoothness of the rotary 
engine makes the RX- a quiet 
sports car. All this performance 
fram a car that can attain excellent 
gas mileage on the open road. 

17 EST. 28 EST** 

7 | mpg 28 hwy mpg 

But the front mid-engine RX-7 
offers infinitely more than 
performance. It also provides 
extraordinary comfort. 


So if you know what you want 
in a sports car, and you don't 
want to pay a king's ransom to get 
it, take a look at the RX-7 GS orS 
Model. The beautifully-styled, 
high-mileage, high-performance 
sports cars from Mazda. 

You're also going to 

like the looks of RX-7 GS 
standard features. 

+ AM/FM stereo radio with power 
antenna • Side-window demis- 
ters - Cut-pile carpeting - Tinted 
glass - 5-speed - Tachometer 


* Styled steel wheels * Steel- 
belted radial tires * Front and rear 
stabilizer bars • Ventilated front 
disc and finned rear drum brakes 
with power assist * Electric 
remote hatch release. 3-speed 
automatic transmission, air con- 
ditioning, aluminum wheels and 
sun roof available as options. 


8295 


*Manufacturer's suggested retail price for GS 


Model shown. 5 Model $7495. Slightly higher 
in California. Actual prices established by deal- 
ers. Taxes, license, freight, optional equipment 
and any other dealer charges are extra. (Wide 
alloy wheels shown $275-$295.) All pri 
subject to change without notice. 


“ЕРА estimates for comparison purposes for GS 


Model with 5-spd. trans. The mileage you get 
may vary depending on how fast you drive, th 
weather, and trip length. Th 
mileage will probably be les: 
estimated mpg, 27 estimates 


Ma 


‘engine licensed by NSU-WANKEL. 


"m 
The more you look, 
the more Syon like. 


PLAYBOY 


36 


looking like а bushel of cheeseburgers, 
Miss Benatar is a fashionably lean three- 
octave beauty. Definitely one to watch. 

. 

"There has been a lot of evidence lately 
that the mainstream of jazz is still a 
pretty powerful current. The latest tes- 
timony comes from Bill Henderson, a 
sophisticated singer in the Joe Williams 
tradition who strikes the perfect com- 
bination of angst and verve on Street of 
Dreams (Discovery) as he delivers an 
outstanding selection of tunes by authors 
nging from Ellington to Elton. Es- 
pecially telling are a pair of interpolative 
duets—Angel Eyes] This Masquerade and 
The Gentleman Is а Dope|My Funny 
Valentine—arranged by pianist Joyce 
Collins, who shares the vocal chores. 


SHORT CUTS 


Aerosmith / Night in the Ruts (Columbia): 
Down-to-earth rock ‘n’ roll that gets you 
right in the guts 

Pink Floyd / The Well (Columbia): This 
band has been on the run for 15 years 
and it figured that when it finally hit 
the wall, it would be an overproduced 
one. 

Blue Steel/ No More Lonely Nights (Іп- 
finity): Ah. but think of all those empty 
days. Southern rock guaranteed to cure 
the most cursed of insomniacs 

ХТС / Drums and Wires (Virgin): Devo 
clones thar sound more 1 the ald 
Maxwell House percolator than like a 
rock band. 

Jefferson Starship / Freedom of Point Zero 
(Grunt): The world’s second favorite 
rship continues its mission to seck out 
and convey fine music. Beam aboard. 

Willie Nelson Sings Kristoflerson (Colum. 
bia): If 1978's Stardust album was fine 
wine, this is champagne. Kristofferson 
the way God intended. When аге they 


going to dechire Willie a national 
monument? 
Sergio Mendes Brasil 788 / Magic Lady 


(Elektra): Great craftsmanship wasted on 
ийа. But it figures to play іп both 
Peoria and Brasilia 

Tyrone Davis / Can't You Tell It's Me (С 
lumbia): Honestly, Ty, irs hard, since 
those torchy ballads and disco tunes 
don't sound like your usual soul groovers. 
Also, you're singing them, not whispering 
them as you used to 

Webster lewis/8 for the 80's (Epic): 
I's doubtful that any of these disco 
fusion umes—coproduced by Herbie 
Hancock—will be remembered in 1989: 
but it's a rhythmic way to usher in the 


Garland Jeffreys / American Boy & Girl 
(ASM): Garland is the grand master of 
roots, rock and reggae, New York City 
di ‚ amd this LP finds him in top. 
form. His music is terrifying, beautiful 
urban rock, something Lou Reed might 
produce if he'd grown up in the South 
Bronx and lived to sing about it. 


FAST TRACKS 


THE KISS-OFF OF THE MONTH: 


More than 700 people gathered recently outside the 
Amarillo, Texas, Civic Center to hold a "pray-i 
Kiss. These days, even protests feature special effects: Highlight of this one 
was a flashing arrow pointing to a sign bearing the words A KISS BETRAYEO JESUS. 


" protesting an appearance by 


амвом rumors: Fish gotta swim. 

birds gotra fly department: Brit- 
ain's Royal Air Force has come up 
with a unique way to frighten stub- 
born birds off the runways of one of 
its airfields. The birds are subjected 
to a weekly hit of the UK's top 20 
pop songs. As хооп as the birds hear 
the music, they fly away Even if 
ed Nations fails to book the 
reunion concert, big 
will be performing on 
I of the Cambodian refugees. . . 
We heard that Arlo Guthrie outdrew 
Dylan in Tucson, which made Guthrie 
feel funny. “Га kind of like to go 
over there myself and see what he's 
up to. The thing is. you'll hear 
more old Dylan songs here than you 
would at his show. 

REELING AND ROCKING: Sir Lew Grade is 
making a country-music movie based 
оп Michael Murphey's song Hard Coun- 
try and starring Jan-Michael Vincent and 
a host of country-music stars. Mur- 
phey is the musical director and will 
also appear in the film. . . . Cheech ond 
Chengs second movie will feature 
Cheech's wile, Chong’s daughter and 
Debbie Harry of Blondie. 

NEWSBREAKS: Punk continues to of 
fend everyone. A new British punk 
group, The Dead Airmen, has totally out- 
raged a British veterans’ association 
nd has been banned from some Eng- 
lish night clubs... . Home taping may 

ng record. manufacturers any- 


ime 


be cost 
where from 14 to 29 percent of their 
potential sales volume, according 10 
a survey conducted by The Roper 
Organization for the National Music 
Publishers Association and the Re- 
cording Industry Association of Amer- 
ica. The survey found that 70 percent 
of those who taped music at home 
said that if they had been unable to 


do so, they would have purchased a 
record or prerecorded tape. . . . The 
Eagles arc just about to launch their 
world concert tour in LA. and, in a 
precedentseiting move, will be pro- 
moting themselves. Musicindustry 
sources. pred! they are suc 
cessful, other acts are sure to follow 
and that could have a disastrous 
ny local 
chers at the 
ka are current 


suit 
effect on the fortunes of m 
promoters. Res 


University of Nebra 


ly testing a new group of drugs. 
called beia blockers, that can рге 
vent performance anxiety, better 
known in showbiz as stage fright 
The new drugs may be effective 
liernatives to tranquilizers or alco- 


hol, both of which have proved to be 
dangerous when taken to case life in 
the fast lane. Fleetwood Mac will 
begin negotiations soon with the ma- 
jor TV networks for broadcast rights 
to а one-hour special. The group also 
hopes то offer the special to cable-TV 
systems and perhaps market it om 
video cassettes and video discs. Mac 
has t0 do something 10 recoup from 
the expense of making Tush 

Roger Daltrey continues to discuss The 
Who's Cincinnati tragedy with the 
press. Even though they haven't yet 
gotten over that awful night, Daltrey 
says he and the other Who members 
would like to play there 
would be the best way to show wh 
we [eel toward the people of Cin- 
аттан” Robert Fripp’s forthcom- 
ing album will feature а new process 
that allows him to accompany him 
self in live performances. 
special modified guitar and two tape 
recorders. Fripp describes one side of 
the record, to be called Under Heavy 
Manners, as “electronic New Wave 
disco.” — BARBARA NELLIS 


using a 


қ 17-77 JAN WHISKY—A BLEND, 80 PROOF. © 1979. 
Bow Lak nca o! Alberta: Canada. 


SE 
a 


The 1980 Yamaha Х5850 
Specialis a striking example of 
just how far Specials have come 
in three years. 

And just how far the compe- 

ition has to go to catch up. 

The clean, fluid downlines 
formed by the classic teardrop 
tank and side covers reflect the 
years we've spent refining our 
original design. 

This year, by cleverly restruc- 
turing the frame geometry and 


seat mounting system, we not 
only integrated the seat with 
the frame but lowered the seat 
height significantly. So at the 
stoplights, you get feet-on-the- 
ground stability, and on the road, 
a feeling of sitting “іп the seat 
instead of “on” it. 

And that new cast alloy 
grab rail is not only an attractive 
accent, but allows the taillight 
to become an integral part of 
the tail configuration— with 


nimbleand responsive handling. 

An ingeniously engineered 
direct-coupling shaft drive 
translates the enormous power 
into quiet silky smoothness. 
And ап ой cooler means youll 
roll for thousands of hassle- 
free miles. 

Additional goodies include 
one-piece cast alloy wheels, 
tubeless tires front and rear, new 
drilled triple disc brakes, and a 
couple of delectable colors. 
Black Gold and Carmine Red. 

The new XS850 Special. 

А statement of the art by the 
original artist. 


YAMAHA 


When you know how they're built. 


40 


есте sure there's а logical progression 

here somewhere. Reay Tannahill's 
first book was Food in History. Her next 
was Flesh and. Blood: A History of the 
Cannibal Complex. Now she has tackled 
Sex in History (Әсіп and Day). The 
menu . . . uh, the table of contents is 
delightful. and definitely to our tast 
Tannahill's cross-cu 
traditional beggars banquet is fascinat- 
ing: We learn that in the Seventh Cen 
tury, the Cummean Penitential required 
people who engaged in fellatio to pe 
form a penance of four years (habitual 
offenders, seven years), Inserting the 
penis between the thighs of a passive 
partner (Interfemoral Connection) re- 
quired a penance of two y 100 
days for the first offense 
for the second. Honest, Office: 


ural analysis of the 


we were 


sure it was all the way in. Ahem. In 
comparison, a 13th Century Chinese 
moral calorie count rated "Spur of 


the Moment Passion” 200 demerits 


the case of a married woman, only 100 if 


1000 for a nun, 100 for 
Boasting about these sins 
Chinese gentleman 50 demerits 
пег was a married woman, 100 
il a widow or a virgin, 200 if a nun, 
five Keeping crotic pic 
n the shelf got ten demerits per 
picture. Ah, Miss July. This book sounds 
like an early version of Richard Smith's 
The Dieters Guide to Weight Loss Dur- 


or a virgin, 
prostitute 


a prosti 
tures 


ing Sex. Its the kind of thing that's 
required reading if you want to be the 
Playboy Advisor—or just a charming 


dinner guest 
. 

We all suspect that the IRS knows 
more about us than we would want it 
10. Now there's a book that will help 
even the score АН You Need to Know 
About the IRS: A Taxpayer's Guide (Random 
House), by Paul N. Strassels with Robert 
Wool, gives us the straight poop on why 
ап IRS agent questions your return, 
whats going through his mind and how 
to survive an audit and avoid them in 
the future. Strassels, a former IRS em- 
ployee, makes all this information read- 
able, as well, No kidding. We finished 
the book in a single sitting—and came 
away with the feeling that the IRS will 
never strike terror іп our heart again. 
Strassels has done a major public service 
for the tax boneheads among us. God 
bless him 


° 
The most intriguing woman in rock 
deserves a lot better than Barbara 
Rowes's Grace Slick: The Biography (Dou 
bleday). Consider this hilarious sentence 
explaining Grace and Jerry Slick's life 
lyweds: “In ngs. Jerry 
and Grace withdrew into her 


as пе the even: 


studied 


Sexual history à la carte. 


Tantalizing tidbits of 
sexual lore; Grace's bio 
could use a lift. 


Not-so-amazing Grace. 


shell to express her feclings through the 

folk songs of Joan Baez and The King 

ston Trio." Rowes is incapable of pull 

ing the White Rabbit out of Grace's hat, 
. 

Howard Smith's The Three Biggest Lies 


(Ва collection of everybody's 


common fibs about almost everything— 

will give you enough cocktail party 

fodder to last you through the summer 

It also has finally institutionalized the 

lic as a bona fide comedic for 
. 


So you want to be a spy? 
problem. Read Wolfgang Lot's A Hand- 
book for Spies (Harper & Row): it will 
tell you how to do it. It even. includes 
tests for you to give yourself: how to 
determine whether or not you have the 
proper qualities, how to handle 
recruiters, how to lose a tail, how to 
build your cover and live under it, how 
to usc and abuse and misuse the opposite 
sex without, in turn, being used 
abused yourself, how to handle an 
terrogation without dying in the m. 
time and how to retire from your secre 
life with some grace and comfort. Lotz 
claims to have lived in Egypt as a Ger 
mitn sportsman and horse breeder while 
working for the Israeli secret service. 


Hey, no 


your 


Assuming Lotz exists, and assuming he's 
telling the wuth, those are some creden- 
tials! But lest you get too excited, it also 
has to be said that Herr Lotz has fed us 
only 
tions. 


convenient and sanitized 
Nothing in here discusses the new- 
est surveillance techniques or the more 
refined methods of assa n. Lotz's 
book is fun. bur mostly it will help you 
watch World War Two spy films with 
more knowledge, unaware of the 7934 


aspects of the pam. 


reve 


The Man Who test the Wor (Dial) is the 
product of a man who lost control of his 
book. "W. T. Tyler" is the pseudonym 
for a U.S. Government official (that’s 
code for intelligence officer, field grade), 
whose publishers compare him to Gr: 
ham Greene and John le Carré. They 
are right—up to а point. Tyler truly 
knows his business. This is a novel filled 
with rich detail and it will probably be 
put on the reading list in а lot of spook 
schools as one of the books lo read for 
background material about field oper 
tions. Tyler writes with complete au- 
thority about the 1962 Berlin crisis. You 
know he was there and you know he is 
telling it like it was. But the author 
loves detail so much he refuses to com- 
press scenes and focus the action. The 
beauty of writers like Greene and Le 


Carré is that they know when mot to 
go on. 
. 
Publisher David Godine, who has 


brought out some fine shorcstory collec 
tions in the past (Andre Dubus’ are our 
favorites), has done it again with Mary 


Morris Vanishing Animals & Other Stories. 
Morris’ 12 tales are well crafted. and 
illuminating. We expect—and hope—to 


see more of her work soon. 


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ADVENTURES 


№" are tearing through the rainy 
murk of an equatorial African 
night, six of us stuffed into a steamy Fiat 
safari wagon. The vehicle's straining sus- 
pension slams again and again onto the 
slick, rutted road, jarring whole sections 
of our bodies loose from their intended 
positions. A team of aggressively non- 
chalant Italian mechanics fills the front 
seat, two shouting instructions at the 
third, who is driving and who cannot 
possibly see ten yards beyond the hood. 
The wagon's rear spaces are crammed 
with spare auto parts, sausage remnants, 
empty Tusker Beer bottles and some 
journalists who are wondering aloud if 
this nighttime kamikaze flight represents 
the best way to see Kenya. 

Our wagon belongs to a support squad 
assigned to the task of keeping the Fiat 
team entry in the East Africa Safari Rally 
in good mechanical health. At this mo- 
ment, we are headed for the town of Na- 
kuru, where the rallyists will pause 
briefly before covering the final 217 kilo- 
meters to Nairobi, ending the first leg 
of the Safari Rally. At Nakuru, should 
we live to reach it, the wrench pullers 
in the front seat will work quick-fingered 
mechanical magic on the green-and-white 
Fiat rally cars. If we kill ourselves en 
route. we will die in disgrace. for noth- 
ing, not even the war going on at that 
moment in neighboring Uganda, is sup- 
posed to interrupt the conduct of the 
Safari Rally. We are not involved in 
some weekend romp around the Con- 
necticut countryside with antique MGs 
and little sissy stop watches. We're in the 
middle of the toughest professional rally 
in the world, in the company of a legion 
of competitors who can make Bear Bry- 
ant look indifferent about winning. 

Of all the world-championship rallies, 
few combine the treachery of weather, 
variety of driving conditions and hos- 
tility of terrain as diabolically as Kenya's 
Safari Rally. Held during Kenya's "sea- 
son of the long rains,” the Safari attracts 
rally drivers from around the world, all 
prepared to go thrashing over 3000 miles 
of roads that when wet—as they usually 
are during the spring—would be coi 
ered impassable by rational men. The 
3000-mile rally route is to be completed 
in 49 hours, a time frame that requires 
an average speed of approximately 60 
miles per hour, a laughable objective. 

Professional rallying is the strangest 
and least understood form of motor 
sports, With good reason; even when 
understood, it remains incomprehensible. 
Rallying sounds simple enough: Gover a 
predetermined route over public roads at 
a predetermined average speed. In prac- 
tice, however, few of the roads will be 
any sane person's idea of "public"—in 
Kenya, anyway. They will be rut-slashed 


Join us on the East 
Africa Safari Rally, not 
exactly your Sunday drive. 


cowpaths, often under water, and often 
occupied by giant trucks lumbering in 
the other direction, This already dread- 
ful prospect is compounded by other 
hazards unique to the Safari Rally: Ш- 
tempered tribesmen throw rocks at the 
competitors and huge, grunting wild ani- 
mals appear unexpectedly in the rallyists’ 
path. Meanwhile, through all of this, the 
driver goes flat-out, aided by a navigator 
who sits strapped into the passenger seat 
shouting news of upcoming blind turns, 
decaying bridges and oncoming traffic. 
АП of this is going on at this moment, іп 
the 64 cars behind us, at speeds that 
make us appear sluggish . . . even though 
we have observed speeds over 80 mph 
too often for comfort. The rally drivers, 
over even worse roads, regularly hit 120, 
but their cars are built for this madness; 
all of the rally cars that contest the world 
championship are specially prepared ver- 
sions that differ considerably from their 
showroom counterparts. They are but- 
messed from within by steel-tube roll 
cages and from without by an assortment 
of spread-steel animal guards and other 
protective devices. Inside, they look like 
muddy World War Two fighter planes, 
with a bewildering array of instruments 
that calculate distance covered, elapsed 
time and average speed spread in matte- 
black efficiency across the dashboard. 

By ten A.M., the sun has conquered the 


night's rain clouds and we are speeding 
down a paved road, nearing Nakuru. 
One of the mechanics is pointing out a 
small Catholic chapel built during World 
War Two, when our vehicle goes sud- 
denly sideways, accompanied by shrieks 
from the driver. We have just missed а 
giant water buffalo that appears to be 
no more afraid of our vehicle than it 
would be of a gnat. 

As we come flying into the outskirts 
of Nakuru, we find ourselves the object of 
great curiosity displayed by a throng of 
people. The entire population of Nakuru 
(approximately 50,000) has apparently 
turned out early fora good view. 

Two hours later, to the vocal delight 
of the population, the first rally cars 
come blowing into town. While the 
drivers take a mandatory one-hour rest, 
the mechanics go over all four of the 
Fiats, changing the occasional wheel, 
tire or brake pad but finding no serious 
problems. But this is only the first day. 

During the ensuing two legs, the prob- 
lems increased. By the end of the second 
leg, a killer trek to Mombasa and back, 
no fewer than 30 cars were out of action, 
victimized by wrecks and mechanical fail- 
ures. Local hero Joginder Singh, only 
man to win the Safari three times, ran 
afal of a zebra (Singh survived: the 
zebra didn't). The Fiats suffered double 
trouble, the kind found only at the 
Safari. Silvio Maiga, navigating for for- 
mer world champion Sandro Munari, 
sustained a direct hit on the neck at the 


їп another Fiat, 


man. Markku Alen, 
survived a highspeed encounter with 
а low-liying falcon that took out his 
windshield and very nearly his navi 
gator. Those and other problems of more 


conventional mechanical origin put 
Alen's car into third place behind a 
Mercedes 450SL and a Datsun sedan 
that won a surprise victory. 

Rallying may be an obscure under- 
taking in the United States, but it's 
Kenya's Super Bowl and Mardi Gras 
combined. А crowd of more than 25,000 
was on hand at the finish to welcome 
the 17 cars that survived. Incredibly, less 
than one hour separated the first four 
cars after three days of defying rain, 
mud, hostile villagers and the dictates 
of common sense to complete the 27th 
running of the Safari Rally. Tired, bat 
tered beyond soreness from hours оп the 
road, sunburned and badly in need of 
extended sleep, we watched the winners 
spray their champagne. What they had 
done scemed no more comprehensible 
or sane after having seen it than it had 
beforehand. But the courage and raw 
recklessness of the professional rallyists 
do not have to be comprehended to be 
respected. Or admired. —WILLIAM JEANES 


41 


42 


А! the ingredients of a standard star- 
isborn biography are present in 
Cool Miner’s Daughter, yet the surprising. 
poignant movie based on the book about 
countrymusic queen Loretta Lynn is 
something pretty special. First, Sissy 
Spacek makes a quantum leap to major 
stardom as an actress and a singer, for 
she performs a big batch of Loretta's 
own songs—many of them recorded live 
in a strong down-home style that sounds 
exactly right without sounding like an 
imitation and should help revive interest 
in pure country music. Sissy also portrays 
Loretta, from her early teens to matu- 
rity, with total conviction and fanta 
range—a gal from the Kentucky hills 
who starts out virtually as a child bride 
and has four children before her hustling 
husband perceives that she’s got a voice 
destined for better things than singin’ 
while she mops kitchen floors, As Doo- 
little Lynn, the husband who creates а 
star so big he can hardly handle the hype 
surrounding her, Tommy Lee Jones has 
the strongest part of his screen career, 
and plays it with strength and subtlety— 
well enough to dim my memories of his 
head-on collisions with such tripe as The 
Betsy, Equally fine in a brief but signif- 
icant role is Beverly D'Angelo as country 
sar Рау Cline, who died in a planc 
cash but had enormous influence оп 
Loretta's taste in everything. D'Angelo 
also handles her own singing chores in 
the film, for a stunning follow-up to her 
success as the well-bred heroine of Hair. 
"The entire сая of Coal Miner's Daugh- 
ter is perfect, though country singers 
Levon Helm and Phyllis Boyens, as 
Loretta’s parents, are scene stealers who 
look like hillbilly cousins of Grant 
Wood's classic American Gothic couple. 
Neither poverty nor sickness can ever 
quite crush their spirits, and when their 
crowded hovel explodes with the vitality 
of an impromptu family hoedown, it’s 
beautiful. Not just beautiful but a tell- 
ing vignette that carries you right back 
to the roots of country music. English 
director Michael Apted, who did a flashy 
Beatles-style musical called Stardust sev- 
eral years ago, has topped himself here, 
showing remarkable sensitivity to the 
rhythms of life in Nashville, Butcher 
Holler, Kentucky, and all the'actual lo- 
cations where the movie was shot. For 
me, Daughter's early scenes are more ex- 
citing than the price-of-fame sequences 
when Loretta becomes а lonely superstar, 
subject to nervous breakdowns and fits 
of depression as she tours the country in 
her private luxury bus. At the end, she’s 
driven by ambition and dresses like an 
aging Barbie doll. But this image of an 
unsteady lady of song was done defini- 
tively by Ronee Blakely іп Robert 


Singing Spacek in Daughter. 


Sissy dazzles as song- 
stress Loretta; Caan debuts 
behind the camera in Hide. 


Caan and kids. 


Altman's Nashville. The music should 
sustain you through the more conven- 
tional docudramatic details of Coal Min- 
ers Daughter, by which time Sissy has 
the audience eating out of her hand іп а 
manner that does Loretta proud. YYYY 

. 


James Саап, who directed and stars in 
Hide in Plein Sight, is confidently stretch- 
ing his talents in a couple of directions 
to tell the story of Thomas Hacklin, Jr., 
a Buffalo blue-collar worker whose dra- 
matic ordeal was the subject of a novel 


by Leslie Waller. It's an awesome real- 
life tale of official injustice. brought 
about by the U. $. Government's Witness 
Relocation Program. The trouble started 
back in the Sixties, when Hacklin's di- 
vorced wife and mother of his children 
married а Mafia informer whose chances 
of staying alive in Buffalo were worth 
less than a nickel. The Feds relocated the 
stool pigeon in another state under a 
changed name—and Hacklin's two chil- 
dren disappeared with their mother into 
anonymity. The frustrated father's 
defatigable efforts to find the young- 
sters, thwarted by Government agencies 
at every turn, make the kind of story 
that triggers instant empathy. 

In his debut behind the camera, Caan 
unobtrusively accomplishes what he set 
out to do. In front of it, he performs 
with quiet, completely persuasive inten- 
sity. He also gets fine performances from 
Jill Eikenberry as the patient, long- 
suffering girl who stands by Hacklin and 
finally marrics him, and from Robert 
Viharo and Barbra Rae, as the fugitive 
couple. Everyone is believable, yet 
Hide in Plain Sight has script problems 
that seem to stem from someone's desire 
to sacrifice credibility for a happier end- 
ing. The real Hacklin spent a good eight 
years searching fur lis son and daughter 
and has filed suit against the Govern- 
ment for that time irretrievably lost. 
Caan's film hero finds ids after a year 
or so. That's a different story and a some- 
what diminished one in terms of emotion- 
al impact. Thus watered down for mass 
consumption, Hide in Plain Sight looks 
like material for two timely, intelligent 
hours of semidocumentary drama on TV. 
A good place to see this one is at home, 
James. Good work but hardly the main 
event in any Caan festival. ¥¥ 

. 

One dubious pleasure as we varoomed 
into the Eighties was sitting through 
the year-end holiday bonanza of bi 
budget bombs, After Meteor’s fizzle, the 
best of a sorry lot of space-age sagas was 
the long-delayed, costly Ster Trek-The Mo- 
tion Picture, extensively previewed іп our 
January issue. Although all the old Star 
Trek gang came back, they seemed to 
pass eons of time in front of monitors 
ogling the film's elaborate special effects; 
and director Robert Wise ran every 
piece of machinery past in slow motion, 
as if he hoped some of us might want to 
memorize the parts. I suspect that space 
hardware has begun to lose its visual 
impact, however, for the same reasons 
that an actual NASA launch became old 
news after the novelty wore off. There's 
a plot here showing signs of intelligent. 
life (a couple of Star Trek TV retreads, 
according to one seasoned watcher), and 


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AN IRISH MIST 
SETTLED OVER THE 
EVENING. 


The hills roll forever. The lakes radiate light. 
The dew kisses each morning. The mist settles every 
evening. You can taste it all, and more. 

Irish Mist is the legendary, centuries old drink 
made from all this and sweetened with just a wisp 
of heather honey, Irish Mist can be enjoyed 
anytime, or place, or way: on the rocks; neat; or 
mixed with anything you like. 

15а pleasing land. It's a pleasing drink. 


IRISH MIST 
THE LEGENDARY SPIRIT: 


Imported Irish Mist ® Liqueur. 80 Proof. © 1978 Heublein, nc., Hartford, Conn., U.S.A. 


my favorite bit involves newcomers 
Stephen Collins as Decker (Captain 
Kirk's second-in-command on the Star- 
ship Enterprise) and bald, beautiful 
Persis Khambatta (as an extraterrestrial 
navigator) in a climactic come-together 
save-the-world scene that I took to be a 
superduper cosmic fuck. I wonder what 
the kids make of it. Anyway, confirmed 
Trekkers probably get more or less what 
they expect. That may be exactly why I 
sat through most of Star Trek feeling 
vaguely as if I had been conned into 
attending a class reunion at someone 
else's school. ҰҰ 


. 

If Star Trek fell short of perfection, 
what can you say of The Block Hole after 
you've said it's the pits? Maximilian 
Schell plays a mad scientist, with An- 
thony Perkins, Robert Forster, Yvette 
Mimieux, Joseph Bottoms and Ernest 
Borgnine out there scrambling over in- 
tergalactic debris that's indubitably 
worth millions but hardly worth five 
minutes of your valuable time. Accord- 
ing to this abortive epic hatched at the 
Disney studios, all there is to see in a 
so-called black hole in space is an un- 
identified flying angel—she wears chif- 
fon— plus some laser-beam lighting tricks 
that might do wonders for a new disco. ¥ 

. 

Bruno Barreto, the young Brazilian 
director of Dona Flor and Her Тша Hus- 
bands, looks at sex on the seamy side in 
Amor Bandido. A police detective (Paulo 
Gracindo) and his wayward teenaged 
daughter (Cristina Ache), a go-go girl 
and hustler in a sleazy club in the Copa- 
cabana district of Rio, are brought 
together by her involvement with a ruth- 
less young pimp. The pimp's off-hours 
hobby is murder—he specializes in rob- 
bing and killing taxi drivers, leaving his 
victims locked in their cars with their 
brains blown out and the radio blaring 
pop music. There are elements here of 
the father-daughter conflicts in last year’s 
intriguing but neglected Hardcore with 
George C. Scott. Barreto's film is no less 
a downer, perhaps, though it has other 
dimensions as a gritty suspense melo- 
drama—well acted and wildly atmos- 
рһегіс, all of it set to the subversive 
rhythms of Rio's teeming slums and 
fleshpots. Although Dona Flor had 
preater sex appeal, Amor Bandido has a 
tantalizing air of danger about it. Makes 
you feel like a voyeuristic tourist on a 
strictly forbidden side trip. ¥¥ 

. 


Nearly any film from France's Claude 
(4 Man and a Woman) Lelouch might 
be described as slick and slight and 
charming. Robert ef Rober runs true to 
form, with Charles Denner and Jacques 
Villeret teamed as an irascible taxi driver 
and a rookie gendarme who get to- 
gether through the miracle of computer 


Prince bas а 3-1/2 times larger sweet 
spot. Plus an extra-sweet sweet spot (the 
darkest area) ibat is wasted in tbe throat 
of conventional rackets. 


When I got into tennis, I 
found that the biggest problem 
most players faced was 
connecting consistently with that 
tiny spot on a racket called the 
sweet spot. Hit just a fraction off, 
and the greatest stroke in the 
world produces a flabby shot with 
Іше control. 

“Why”, I asked, “should any 
good player have to put up with a 
racket that limits his 
performance?" 

Scrapping all cliches about 
tennis racket design, I 
experimented with completely 
new sizes, shapes, materials, 
stability—all the factors that go 
into a racket—until I 
created a racket with 
a 3-1/2 times 


larger sweet spot. And with an 
extra-swect sweet spot that's 
wasted in the throat of ordinary 
rackets. The Prince. Not just a 
bigger size, but the proper size 
and shape to give you more sweet 
spot. 


How a Prince can 
improve your game. 


You'll find that the balls you 
hit slightly off the sweet spot of 
your present racket become 
clean, solid shots with a Prince. 
You will hit with more 
consistency, more power, more 
control. More of your shots will 
be your best shots. Which can 
make all the difference 
between being 
eliminated in the 
first round or 
making it to 
the finals. 
The Prince 
is as light 


as conventional rackets, but far 
more stable, so it is less likely to 
twist in your hand. Nimble, 
responsive, it makes serving, 
easier. And it's as deadly at the net 
as it is steady in the backcourt. 

If you'd like more 
information about Prince rackets 
and the many ways they can help 
your game, just drop me a line. 

If you're like most players, 1 
promise you that you will play 
better. 


prince 


‘ince Manufacturing, Inc. 
Dept Рі, РО. Box 2031, Princeton, NJ. 08540 


Howard Head, 
Inventor of 

the original 

Head ski, 

and the remarkable 
Prince racket. 


ыз 


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dating. They are, in fact, looking for 
women, not for each other. As rejects, 
they become [ast friends during а disas- 
trous singles weekend at a country hotel. 
Eventually, the cabdriver discovers the 
policeman's mother (played by café own- 
cr-chanteuse Regine, for whom le cinéma 
is slumming); the stout young cop turns 
his private disappointments into a stand- 
up comedy routine that makes him rich 
and famous and favored by beautiful 
women. As the fat, baby-faced policeman, 
Villeret won the French equivalent of an 
Oscar in a role tailor-made for him by 
Lelouch. Villeret’s chef-d'oeuvre is his in- 
stant re-creation of an Ingmar Bergman 
movie, a symphony of Swedish grunts 
and sighs that blows away language 


barriers. ¥¥ 
. 


"Ihe heroine of Roger Vadim's Night 
Games is an unhappy, afluent Beverly 
Hills housewife who experiences some 
rather extravagant erotic fantasies. As 
a star maker well known for launch- 
ing such names as Bardot, Deneuve and 
Fonda into the movie firmament, Vadim 
may have another winner іп Cindy 
Pickett. An alumna of the CBS soap 
opera The Guiding Light, Texas-born 
Cindy plays Games as if she were playing 
for keeps, even when the material she is 
given seems thinner than a see-through 
nightie. Y 


. 

Having confronted the future (Close 
Encounters . . . ) after winning his stripes 
as a certified boy wonder with Jaws, 
Steven Spielberg was given at least 
$26,000,000 to try his hand at a comedy 
called 1941. I'd swear they forgot to give 
him a script as part of the deal, except 
that at least three writers (among them 
John Milius) claim story-and/or-screen- 
play credit. No credit is due. Supposedly, 
1941 recaps all the crazy things that hap- 
pened in L.A. one night just a week 
after the Japanese attack on Pearl Har- 
bor, when everyone expected an immi- 
nent invasion of the West Coast. What 
Spielberg has tried to do is combine a 
wartime Animal House with bits of Dr. 
Strangelove, as well as ап орепіпр-ѕсепе 
spoof of Jaws. The Japanese arrive in 
a submarine commanded by Toshiro 
Mifune, whose mission is to destroy Hol- 
lywood. We'll let that one pass without 
comment. Spielberg's perverse achieve- 
ment here is to make a comedy almost 
devoid of humor, which seems to dem- 
onstrate that John Belushi and Dan 
Aykroyd of Saturday Night Live lame can 
be very unfunny if they try hard. Demol- 
ishing a submarine, a large cliff-top house, 
a paint factory, a Ferris wheel, a couple 
of airplanes, countless cars and part of 


downtown Los Angeles is not intrinsical- 
ly sidesplitting—and having hordes of 
actors outshou 
score simply adds insult to overkill. Tal- 
ented though he is, Spielberg should go 


; an aggressive musical 


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PLAYBOY 


50 


back two giant steps—and the execu- 
tives who thought that a hotshot young 
director could do no wrong may be 
chastened to learn that their boy has 
wrought one of the most cashingly 
inept comedies of the past decade. Y 

. 

The foxes in Foxes, unless I missed 
something, are a bunch of precocious 
LA. teenagers who have come a long 

лг de 


way, baby, since the d 
growing up meant goodnight kisses or 


d days when 


getting a prom date. Jodie Foster plays 
the foxiest kid in her set. the bosom 
chum of several misfits whose experi- 
ments with sex and drugs сап be blamed, 
it would seem, on their stupid. selfish or 
psychopathic parents. Only Sally Keller- 
тап as Jodie’s mother. a more or les 
desperate divorcee who sleeps around а 
lot, dares challenge what she sees on the 
far side of the generation gap. "You may 
look like kids, but you don't sound like 
them." sh ges. “You're short 40. 
yearolds . . . tough ones.” Among those 
ancient youngsters. Cherie Currie is par 
ticularly elfective as a punk-rock blonde 
who comes to а very bad end. British 
director Adrian Lyne is obviously a film 
maker with skill and energy, though his 
vision of young America in L.A. «оша 
not be bleaker, Foxes finally depressed 
the hell out of me. By the time this orgy 
of youthful aimlessness and self destruc: 
tion was over, I felt in need of a fix . . 

of Love 


like sitting through a reviva 
Finds Andy Hardy. ЖҰ 
. 

АП the announced candidates should 
throw in their towels already and let 
George Burns гип for President, Burns 
wouldn't even have to rum. he could 
probably walk away with it. Easy. Th: 
Ше way everything looks when you let 
George do it, and he does it again іп 
Going in Style, a all, delectable human. 
comedy with charm to burn a 
Burns to charm 
though. to 


well as 


It's not my intention, 


iderpraise George's worthy 


co-stars, Art Carney and Lee Strasberg 
They make perfect harmony with Burns 


as a trio of old geezers—collect 
nd Social Security w rming the 
park benches out in suburban Queens— 
who decide to vary their routine by rob. 
bing a bank. Heavily disguised, of 
course. They all wear Groucho Marx 
masks and their caper is the sort of mod 
est enterprise that necessitates consider- 
ng th 


getawa 


ng moss 


ile w 


tokens for the 
e as ring- 
ost of the ideas, 


cost of subway 
alter the heist. Ge 
leader comes up with 
and he, naturally, can n 
proposition sound simple and sensible 
To tell too 
might spoil what 


ake the wildest 


ch about Going in Style 


s already subile and 
delicately balanced trivia. Just dont ex- 
pect a rollicking farcical caper for octo. 
genarians in the style of The In-Laws 
Style represenis another kind of movie- 
king. The best kind, E suspect, in the 


Foxes’ precocious Foster. 


Teenage trauma in Foxes; 
Strasberg, Burns and Carney 
join forces for a stylish caper. 


Going in Style's thieving trio. 


vein of vintage Capra and Sturges. Credit 
for that goes to fledgling writer-director 
Martin Brest, an American. Film Insti- 
tute alumnus, aged 28, whose first full 
length commercial feature delivers on its 
promises right away—which means we 
don't have to wait for his next movie to 
sce that Brest is really good. He's also so 
confident in his technique that he 
doesn't resort to arm-twisting overstate- 
ment to make a comic point. Brest 
lapted bis screenplay from an original 
story talked into a cassette tape by Ed. 
ward Cannon, a Long Island carpenter 
who died before the film was made. It's 
a dandy little amoral tale. After they 
successtully steal 535.535, the Groucho 
gang cant what to do for an 
encore. “You wanna go to the movi 


decide 


Burns suggests. Instead, two of them 
wind up going to Las Vegas, where they 


get lucky and soon have 


gotten gains 


beyond their wildest dreams. They hide 
the cash with a nephew named Pete 
(marvelously played by Charles Hall; 
h 
measured steps toward a wry and satisfy 


n) while Going in Style moves with 


ing conclusion. It may be g 
edy, but it makes the fre 
of 79/1 look very old and tired by com 
parison. You wanna go to the movies? 
io in peace. YYY 


. 

Quite a different breed of comedy is 
director Sidney Lumet slick, hard-edged 
Just Tell Me What You Want, from the novel 
by Jay Presson Allen (who adapted and 
coproduced it for the screen). What we 
have here resembles an oll Hepburn- 
Tracy romance with all the heart taken 
out of it. Whats left, though seldom lov- 
able, is often interesting—also last, classy 
and cuuingly cruel. Ali MacGraw plays 


a New York c bitch who seems the 
epitome of the high-fashion supergal 
mean, rich and skinny. She's also the 


mistress of a ruthless supertycoon, played 
to the hilt by comedian Alan King. who 
emphatically projects all the attractions 
(enumerated by Ali) that bind an ambi 
tious younger woman to an older man— 
hes powerful, well to do. generous, 
exciting and fine company. Better Шап 
good, King makes you wonder why he 
has stuck to stand-up comedy all these 
years, and that's a compliment, While I 
can think of accomplished actresses who 
might have added nice nuances to her 
role, MacGraw looks dead-right for this 
part and, under Lumet's expert direc- 
tion, leagues ahead of anything she's 
done before. In а knockdown, drag-out 
fight scene that's the funniest bit ol vio- 
lence I've seen recently, she swings her 
purse at King while he's shopping at 
Bergdorf Goodman, floors him. pummels 
him, tackles him again and finally pur- 
sues him all the way to his limo outside 
the Plaza as bystanders cheer 
The running baile that keeps Just 
Tell Me What You Want in motion is 
uiggered by an unwanted abortion. а 
quarrel, on the rebound and 
a biuersweet reconciliation. 
when his girl 
young playwright (played well enough 
by Peter Weller, reportedly Alis. Ire- 
quent offscreen companion), the tycoon 
sets out to ruin them both, and milady 
retaliates by describing some ol his пе 
farious business schemes on а TV special 
Rather nasty people, these two, if one 
examines them closely, The movie never- 
theless has the strength of its convictions 
with interest compounded by Myrna Loy 
as King’s acerbic girl Friday, Dina Mer- 
rill as his drunken wife, Tony Roberts 
homosexual Hollywood mogul and 
Keenan Wynn as the mogul's disgusted 
father. This is sophisticated comedy in 
cold blood, sans candlelight and violins— 
holiday fun for а school of sharks. ¥¥ 
REVIEWS BY BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


nari, 


as 


MOVIE SCORE CARD 


capsule close-ups of current films 
by bruce williamson 


АИ Thot Jaza In а brilliant but over 
done showbiz saga about a guy pretty 
much like himself, director Bob Fosse 
has his heart attack set to music for 
Roy Scheider and les girls. Ergot 
rhythm, or is it Broadway biofeed: 
back? УУУ 

Amor Bandido Reviewed іп this is- 
suc. УУ 

Being There If you've wondered who's 
Kissinger now, it’s Peter Sellers paired 
with Shirley MacLaine in a fine сеге 
bral satire from Jerzy Kosinski's novel 
about an illiterate gardener whose 
political green thumb captivates 
Washington. ¥¥¥ 

The Black Hole Reviewed in this 
issue. Y 

Chapter Two While James Caan skill- 
fully underplays his Simonized writer 
Marsha Mason (Mrs. Neil Simon) has 
the part of her life in her husband's 
rucful romantic autobiographical com 
edy. УУУ 

Coal Miner's Daughter Reviewed in 
this issue. УУУУ 

The Electric Horsemen Two genuine 
superstars. See how they shine. Red 
ford literally lights up this gir-meets 


boy steals home comedy with Jane 


Fonda live [rom Las Vegas as another 
TV news hen. УУУ 

Foxes Reviewed in this issue. YY 

Going in Style Reviewed in this 
issue, УУУ 

The Great Santini When you're a war 
lover, the whole world is boot camp 
And Robert Duvall is sensational as a 
feisty Marine fighter pilot who ap- 
pears to be losing the peace. YYY 

Hide in Plein Sight Reviewed іп this 
issue. ¥¥ 

Just Tell Me What You Want Reviewed 
in this issue. ҰҰ 

Kramer vs. Kramer No winners, no 
losers in this realistic drama of marital 
conflict, though Dustin Hoffman, 
Meryl Sueep and ihe picture itself 
should clean up at Oscar time. YYYY 

Night Games Reviewed in this 
issue. Y 

1941 Reviewed in this issue. Ұ 

Robert et Robert Reviewed іп this 
issue. YY 

The Rose Beite Midler going for 
broke as a self-destructive rock star, 
with Frederic Forrest's solid support 
to give the girl a brake. YYY 

Star Trek—The Motion Picture Reviewed 
in this issue. ¥¥ 


ҰҰҰҰ Don't miss 
ууу Good show 
ҰҰ Soso 
y Forget it 


For color reproduction of Wild Turkey painting by Ken Davies, 


Wild Turkey Lore: 
The Wild Turkey’s beautiful 


plumage was highly prized 
by early American Indians. 
The feathers were used to 
make arrows, blankets and 
the elaborate headdresses 
worn by great chiefs. 

A truly native bird, the 
Wild Turkey is a most 
fitting symbol for the 
finest native American 
Whiskey —Wild Turkey. 


Ка [6 224 


а 


WILD TURKEY7101 PROOF 


(©1979 Acstin.Nicrols Distiing Co, Lawenceburg Kentucky 


nd $2 to Box 929-PB, Wall St Sta., NY. 10005 


ы 


52 


Ус COMING ATTRACTIONS * 


pot coss. At presstime, publicists at 
| iE Century-Fox were describing the 
film Nine to Five as "the story of three 
secretaries and their misadventures with 
а tyrannical boss," but other sources 
tell me that the Jone Fonde-Lily Tomlin- 
Dolly Porton starrer has a somewhat hard- 
er feminist punch 10 it. Apparently, the 
so-called tyrannical boss is the type w 
demands certain extracurricular Га 
from his female employees 
sponse, the three seci kidnap 
him. .. . Actors Robert De Niro and Robert 
Duvall will reunite in United Artists" 
True Confessions, based on the book 
by John Gregory Dunne. The two actors 
(De Niro plays the priest, Duvall the 
cop) haven't co-starred in a film since 
Godfather H. Peter Bogdanovich will 
write, produce and direct They All 
Laughed. starring Bem  Gerzere, 
Hepburn and John Ritter. The film cc 
three detectives оп a weird assignment 
in the Big Apple. . . . Dustin Hoffman 


Audrey 
cerns 


Fonda Parton 


will play а New York actor in the con- 
temporary comedy Tootsie, scripted by 
Murray Schisgal. . . . Yet another comic 
strip will probably be finding its way to 


ring Bo 
Michael Cimino's 


the works. 


nned film, Proud Dreamer, is 
thai 


next pl 
shaping 


up to be even bi 
ing The De 
possibly bigger than the 
leased Heaven's Gateg which cost in the 
$30,000,000. will 
cover Tour decades in Amer 
. 

KID STUFF: Richard Pryor makes liis debut 
s a film producer with Family Dream, 
set for release August. Starring 
Pryor, Cicely Tyson, Vincent Price and cig 
kids. the film is about a Philadelp 
teacher (Tyson) whose school is closed 


ger 
ет Hunter апа 


soon-to-be-re- 


Dreamer 
an life. 


vicinity of 


this 


when funding is rescinded. Rather than 
allow her kids to attend a poor ghetto 


school, she kidnaps eight of them and 


ikes them to а farm in Seattle. Her plan 
is to hijack the kids in an old bus, but 
the bus is in desperate need of a me 


chanic. Enter Pryor. a parolee and ex- 
mechanic whose two pet peeves are 
women and children. He ends up going 


all the way to Seattle with them, a fact 


that produces some comical conllicis 
Interestingly enough, although the film 
involves kids, irll be R rated, mainly 


- 
n 


Tyson Pryor 

due to its street language. The idea for 
the film was Prvors and the Tyson 
character is based on his own high 
school teacher from Peoria, Juliette Whit- 
toker. Vincent Price, by the way, plays 
a wino. 


. 

SOB STORY: Diane (4 Lillle Romance) 
one’s new film соп, To Elvis with 
Love, presented а new. problem for the 
15-усаг-о!й actress—staying awake. Her 


part as the congenitally handicapped 
Karen required her to spend large 
amounts of time immobile in bed 
Movie shooting is slow ar the best of 


times and, well, Diane sometimes simply 
nodded olf, relying on co-stars Deborah 
Refiin utd Michael Learned to wake her for 
the action. To Elvis... , we're glad 
to report, contains no Presley clones— 
its the mue story of how a severely 
handicapped child's devotion to the late 
singer enabled break 
through to her. The correspondence be- 
tween the child and Elvis lasted unt 
her death. The film was shot on location 
п Canada's Banff. National Park and 17 
children from nearby Alberta Children’s 
Provincial General Hospital appear 
Get out your bandkereh 
. 

musicat wars: So far, 

neck 


therapists to 


looks like a 
d-neck box-office contest is sh, p 


big- 


p between the two forthcoi 


Newton-John Kelly 


budget musicals Сап! Stop the Music 
and Xanadu. The former, you'll recall, 
features the Village People, Valorie Perrine 


and Bruce Jenner, and used to be called 
Discoland—Where the Music 
Stops, until it was determined by some 
soothsayer that disco would be in the 
dumper before release time. Xanadu 
stars Olivie Newton-John and Gene Kelly, 
with Kelly playing some sort of Pied 
Piper on roller skates. There is nor 
thank Cod, a gasp of disco music in 
the film and the skates are just a small 
part of the dancing action, Kelly, says 
fust-time-feature: director Robert Green- 
weld, took to those skates “I duck 

(He's been on them before, 
Fifties for M's Always Fun 
Weather.) Both films are musical spec 
taculars, with Xanadu offering а visuat 
ast of clothes and color from Busby 
Berkeley-style sets to zoot suits, leather- 
dad punk fashion and space-age fantasy 
Musically, Can't Мор... is betting on 
the sounds of the Village People, while 
Xanadu is putting its money on Electric 
Light Orchestra's Jeff Lynne and on John 
Farrar, the man behind the hit You're 
the One that E Want 

. 

musicats, PART i: Although T find it 
hard to believe, Fm assured that the 
Blues Brothers movie will be a “wadi- 
tional Hollywood musical comedy," not 
a concert film. Musical numbers, m 
other words, will take up where dialog 


in the 


Aykroyd Belushi 


leaves off and will not be presented in 
concert situations. Starring Dem Aykroyd 
(who also wrote the script), John Belushi, 
Jomes Brown, Cab Calloway, Carrie Fisher, 


Aretha Franklin, Henry Gibson and Steve 
lowrence, the flick had its share of on- 
location (in Chicago) exaziness.. Among 


other stunts, а Pinto was. dropped by 
helicopter from 1200 fect into the 

icapo River and another car was 
driven right smack through the window 


of the Daley Center 
the nickname Dudley Do-Right when, 
during Carrie 


Aykroyd earned 


filming, actress her 
choked on a Brussels sprout and he 
saved her life through the Heimlich 


maneuver. Also, I'm told, smoking was 


not allowed on the set, since director 
John Landis i: 
alone would have been enough to 


make me тагу Јона sterii ED 


n avowed nonsmoker. That 


© 1979 8.1. REYNOLDS TOBACCO CO. 


3 Light 
Refreshing light menthol. 3 2 00s 
Low tar. 
Satisfying taste. 
The best selling low tar menthol. 
Salem Lights. 


Sha BashOkDhasighto 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 


That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous toYour Health. 


10 mg. "tar", 0.8 mg. nicotina ev. per cigarette, ЕТС Report MAY 78. 


THE ALL-NEW TOYOTA COROLLA 
SR-5 Sport Coupe. More space. 
aerodynamic styling plus futuristic 
features put this 1980 Corolla into 
а whole new orbil 

Notice the instrument panel 
Its symmetry, beauty and precision 
are examples of the new Согойа 5 
advanced styling. 

And space 15 an integral part of 
that style Wide open spaces offer 
тпоге comfort fer leqay drivers and a 


backseat for leggy passengers 
There's even more space to check 
your baggage! 

To help you take off, there's a 
larger 18 liter engine, aided by the 
new, sleek, aerodynamic shape 
which reduces air drag resistance 
up IO 9% 

Given this space-like styling 
and handling, you'd expect these 
new Corolla options such as an eight- 
track tape deck and power steering! 


Each of the 12 new Corolla 
models is definitely out of this word 
Yel they're stil! Toyotas, with ай four 
wheels placed firmly on the ground 
—when it comes to reliability, a lot 
of standard features. and total 
economy. 

The new Toyota Corollas 
Space has never been so beautiful 
Or so accessible 


SPACE198O 


PLAYBOY'S TRAVEL GUIDE 


By STEPHEN BIRNBAUM 


SHOPPING is no idle u 
clers, as 


dlertaking for trav- 
ryone who has ever tried to 
stuff six bursting shopping bags under 
an airline scat will ruefully atest. Other- 
wise sane citizens suddenly find uw 
selves wholly out of control in ihe face 
of а bonanza of foreign-made merchan 
dise, and ivs not at all uncommon to 
observe a consumer stumbling 
down Rome's Via Condoni, eyes glazed, 
umbly murmuring, "Gucci! Gucci! 

And if touristy routinely come a crop- 
per on New Bond Street or the Rue 
Faubourg St-Honoré, its nothing com- 
pared with the quiet frenzy of purchases 
made in the supposedly bargain-filled air- 
port areas called duty-free shops. For the 
term duty-free may be the most abused 
term in foreign commerce, and it's prob- 
able that more tourists have been de- 
ceived in innocenttooking airport shops 
than in the back-alley sooks of Morocco. 

Don't get me wrong: Duty-tree shops 
are not inherently dishonest. In fact, the 
prices of all merchandise are clearly 
marked and | can't recall ever seeing 
any high-pressure selling tactics. I's the 
traveler's own ignorance that so often 
costs him money 

The fact is that only a traction of the 
merchandise displayed in airport shops 
is even remotely connected to any duty- 
Iree designation. That's a perlecily sen- 
sible conclusion, if you think about it, 
since there's very little import duty you 
| expect to save on merchandise 
umed in the country you're 
visiting. The wath is that most airport 
shops operate very successfully (if a bit 
cynically) on a cheap-by-association basis, 
with only а small a 


ca of nue duty-free 
itemys—usually liquor, cigars and cig 

renes and perfume—surrounded by reg. 
ular retail shops where customers are not 


discouraged from believing that the 
whole area is duty-free. 
Th ot to say that there aren't some 


ins in duty-free shops: the 


problem is how to determine which items 
al values and which are no 
gain at all. That is especially difficult 
in times (like now) of rapidly changing 
vates of international currency exchan 


represent т 


extremely erratic product price fluctua- 
ion and the far from universal avail 
bility of all brands and all models. 
Not too long ago. we checked 
of several. popul; 
binations at the world's 
duty-free shop one at Sh 
and. What we discovered was that we 
II the cameras checked for 
n New York City, and my 
report of that [act has prompted Shan 
non to go out of the business. But 
that doesn't mean that. nonbarg 


camera-and-lens c 


most famous 


the 


annon, 


а buy 


less money 


amer; 


THE DUTY-FREE DILEMMA 


In search of duty-free bar- 
gains abroad? Before you go 
оп a spree, take heed. ... 


cameras no longer tempt unknowing 
travelers. For example, a Nikon EM with 
а 50mm lens recently cost 165 guilders— 


approximately Dat Amsterdam's 
Schiphol Airport. In New York City, 
that same camera was recently for sale 


for $210; in Chicago, for 5215; and 
San Francisco, for 5197. The bottom line 
is that European duty-free shops are gen 
erally lousy places t0 buy expen 
cameras, with the possible occasion 
ception of oi two that аге manu 
factured in Germany. 

Now, that doesn’t mean that camera 
1 buy every place ign 
nd the best general advice is to 
save your camer 
to the Orient 
came 


с or 


еа 


world, 


shopping for a wip 
where most of the fine 
re manufactured, 1 
ich yourself even in 
shoppers’ paradise like Hong Kong. for 
despite the fact that Hong К 
prices generally lower than those 
even in Tokyo. cameras cost less at the 
downtown c 


products 
beuer w 


you'd 


cam 


: nera shops than 
they do ar rhe. duty-free shop at Ha 
Kong's Kai Tak Airport 

Quite clearly, the only consistent. pro- 
tect 


much 


inst overpaying for 
duty-free shop 
is knowing just what each desirable item 
costs at home. Frequent travelers (at least 
the smart ones) often make a short list 
of the hometown prices of the five or 
six items they're most likely to find 

oad, so they have an up-to-date 


coveted gear in a foreig 


for judging prospective foreign buys. 

"There's no substitute for this research. 
"The general rule is that locally manu 

factured products (with the notable 


exception of liquor) are almost never the 
best buys at foreign airport shops. Again, 
it takes only а little simple logic to 


high airporestore rents (and occa: 
profit-sharing arrangements) sharply re- 
tard any potential discount instincts. So 
such Irish goodies as Donegal tweeds, 
Moygashel linen, Waterford) aysal or 
Belleek china are certainly not particu- 
Тапу good buys at Shannon Airport, as 
lower prices for those items usually сап 
be found in virtually every other area of 
the country—with far larger selections of 


styles and sizes. Far more alluring price- 
wise are items of "foreign" European 
or which have been imported 10 


Ireland amd are available in Shannon 
without any duty levied in their price. 

As noted previously, spiritous libations 
are generally the very best buys in duty- 
{ree shops, and the way to maximize your 
price advantage is to buy potables that 
have been fermented within the country 
you're visiting. Scotch whisky, for exam- 
ple, ts cheapest in the United Kingdom, 
while champagne costs far less in France 
than elsewhere. And you should never— 
repeat, never!—buy American-made liq- 
wor im a foreign duty-free shop, since 
part of its price is the cost of shipping it 
ош of the U. S. 

Fu velers regularly ignore 
the very real bargain opportunity ко buy 
duty-free liquor when going 
Liquor purchased at an Ап 
fice shop (in the airport from which you 
are departing) is often almost as gre: 
bargain as it is when уо 


hermore, tr 


abroad. 


п duty- 


ta 
return, espe 
cially when compared with the cost of 


bottles of liquor purchased in retai 
liquor shops overseas. So if vou happen 
to be headed for a destination such as 
Mexico (where imported whiskey can 
cost more than your hotel room), the 
savings can be very meaningful, indeed 
Onc jour duty-free 
ables: I's often possible to f 
that are not widely dis- 
tributed anywhere else in the world. If 
you ever find yourself at Kastrup 
in Copenhagen, for instance. ch 
brand of aquavit called Loiten, a No 
wegian brand generally unknow 
asons known only to 


ist note 


ol local lique 


atside 


d when fi 
1 bears the da 
1 voyage and the name of 
its ship. Last time I looked, Loiten cost 
about five bucks a bottle, and one shot 
was enough to drop King Kong. 


the equator in a cask, a 
bottled, each precious via 
of its tropi 


55 


OUT THE DOOR. ОМ! 
INTO THE RECORD B 


Out on the racetrack, you'll see exactly 
what makes one motorcycle better than another. 
The power. The acceleration. The reliability. The 
handling. The brakes. And that's where these total 
performance machines have been proving 
themselves. Again and again. 


THE CB750F 

Back in 1969, we introduced the first Honda 
750. And it made such an impression on the critics 
that they invented a whole new word just to 
describe it. 

Superbike. 

In 1979, we introduced a completely re- 
thought version of this phenomenal machine. And 
the critics didn't waste any time getting it out on the 
track. In fact, if you picked up a motorcycle maga- 
zine with a road test of the CB750F, there's only one 
way to describe the reviews. 

Rave 

Take a close look at the 1980 CB750F 


and you'll see where all the excitement is coming 
from. Start with the engine. A 749 cc DOHC power- 
plant with a Pentroof™ combustion chamber and 
16 valves that just breathe horsepower. Four 

30 mm CV carburetors with an accelerator pump. 
And pointless inductive ignition. 

Then look at the way it handles. Those tuned, 
four-into-two pipes tuck right up under the frame 
rails for lots of clearance. Because we designed 
everything to work together. The tough, double 
cradle frame. The geometry. The low-stiction 
forks. The needle-bearing swingarm pivot. The 
aluminum-alloy ComStar™ wheels. The tubeless 

tires. The all-new externally-adjustable 30- 
setting shock absorbers. And thanks to those 
three big disc brakes, it stops as well as it goes 


І We don't have to say m~ much about the 


О ТНЕ ТРАСК. 


DOK. 


styling here. Because if you own a CB750F, you'll 
love every last detail. And if you don't, you just can't 
appreciate all those tremendous little touches. 

You'll be so busy trying to catch up, you'll 
never get a good look. 

THE CB400T HAWK™ 

Take a look at the 410 cc Box Stock Class. 
You'll see the 1979 AFM Number One plate—— 
on a 1979 Hawk fitted with low handlebars and 
roadracing tires. 

And for 1980, you'll see the same big-bore, 
ultra-short-stroke, high rewing 395 cc twin. The 
same three valves per cylinder, Pentroof™ head, 
30 mm CV carburetors, hot-sparking electronic 
ignition, and exclusive Power Chamber?" exhaust 


system: All pumping red-hot gobs of horsepower 
into a new quick-shifting, six-speed gearbox. 

But this year, you'll get all this record per- 
formance in a brand new package. Because now 
the Hawk has the same all-business styling as the 
other two all-out machines in the Honda High 
Performance Series: the CB750F and the CBX. 


FOLLOW THE LEADER. 


ALWAYS WEAR A HELMET AND EYE PROTECTION. 
Specifications and availability subject to change. 
(1980 American Honda Motor Co., Inc. 


For a free brochure, see your Honda dealer. 
Or write: American Honda Motor Со, Inc. 
Dept. Al, Boc, Gardena, California 90247, 


A BLEND 
DISTILLED IN JRE! 


лал 


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Icate. 


Тһе dedicated Scotch Дш will 


Try a glass of Jameson Irish the way you instantly appreciate this flavor difference. 


would your favorite Scotch. With water. 


Though it mayt take a little time getting 


Soda. On the rocks. used to saying. “Jameson Irish on the 


You'll notice how much it tastes like rocks, 


please? 


Jameson. World's largest-selling Irish Whiskey. 


80 PROOF • CALVERT DIST. CO.. ч ҮС. 


THE PLAYBOY 


ADVISOR 


AAs a single woman. I've grown tired of 
the inevitable lateevening wrestling 
match on a first date—especially the 
question "Your place or mine?" Is there 
an advantage to home court? Is there a 
пісе way to tell a guy that you'd like 
to sec him again but that you are not 
interested in doing it that night?—Miss 
M. T., New York, New York, 

According to our sources, the question 
most frequently asked in singles bars 
їз “Your face or mine?" As for home 
courts, we took а survey of the office 
and discovered that most women have an 
casirr time dealing with dates on their 
ground than effecting an exit 
from someone else's lair. Most guys view 
their apartments as extensions of their 
bedrooms, If it's a studio apartment, it 
is his bedroom. If you enter а man's 
private quarters, then you have already 
crossed a threshold. On the other hand, 
if you invile someone over for coffee, 
you can always ask him to leave (or 
sleep on the couch). But the best strate- 
gy is [o announce your intention early 
in the evening. You don't have to be 
overly aggressive. Something this side of 
Jill Clayburgh in “Starting Over" (“Get 
the fuck away. I've got a knife. I'll cut 
your balls off”) should do. 


own 


F have an answering machine that 1 put 
to novel usc. Sometimes T leave obscene 
phone messages for my girlfriend. so that 


when she calls, there's something to 
warm the fires, I'm curious: Are we 
breaking any laws?—C. M., New M 


Connecticut. 

Look at it this way: If someone dials 
your number by mistake and gels “Ға 
like to slip my dipstick into your Arabian 
oil fields" or some such, chances ате he 
won't remember what number he dialed. 
What a great way to deal with those 
idiots who call asking you to subscribe 
to the Podunk News. If you leave ob- 
scene messages on someone else's answer- 
ing machine (an entirely appropriate 
response to the damn things), be sure to 
use an alias. That way, if Ma Bell hears 
the tapes, they can't be traced to you. 


For some reason, my girlfriend cannot 
hieve orgasm during intercourse. 1 


have suggested that she learn to mastur 
bate, but she doesn't feel comfortable 
with it, She says that she has read that 


masturbation makes а person dependent 
on one kind of stimulation. Can you set- 
ue this argumenU—D. W., Dallas, Texa: 

You've seen the motto on dollar bills 
т hibition we trust. Most sex therapists 
feel that ij a person is too anxious 10 
masturboate—because of parental guilt 


or whatever—then he or she will be too 
anxious to reach. orgasm during inter- 
course. Kinsey found that women who 
did not masturbate were three times as 
likely as masturbators to haze problems 
achieving orgasm. Feminists suggest that 
selj-help is the only cure. If nothing else, 
all your girlfriend has to lose is a couple 
of hundred orgasms. She seems to have 
encountered what we call the masturba- 
tion backlash. Some shrinks do feel that 
too much masturbation will make a 
woman dependent on clitoral stimula- 
tion. Consequently, she will be unable 
lo reach orgasm during normal inter- 
course. That sounds like sour grapes. We 
define intercourse as everything that 
happens between two people in bed . 
induding touching, watching “The To- 
night Show” and playing with Black 
& Decker vibrators. Go to it. 


[Have you heard of a substance called 
vitamin B,,? One of my friends 
that Russian athletes use the superdrug 
to drastically increase their endurance. 
I would love to have something th 
would allow me to make love all night 
and then do the 100-yard h in ten 
flat. Is that iv—P. W., Alta, Utah 

We've heard of one thing that fits 
your requirements—the sudden arrival 
of a jealous husband. Of course, you 
have to do the 100-yard dash in your 
bare feet. As for vitamin B,,—it exists, 
but it isn’t a vitamin. The Russians call 
it pangamic acid, but that, loo, is а mis- 
nomer. The chemical involued is N,N 
dimethyl glycine (DMG). Right now, the 
FDA is trying to decide whether it is a 
vitamin, a food addilive or worse. Con- 
sequently, you may have a hard time 
locating a source. Most of the supplies 


are bought up by pro teams—the Pitts- 
burgh Steelers, the New York Yankees, 
et al. DMG does appear to live up to its 
claims. One study found that taking five 
milligrams daily increased oxygen in the 
blood by 27.5 percent and increased 
endurance (the lime to exhaustion) by 
23.6 percent. The chemical apparently 
reduces the amount of lactic acid that 
collects in muscles during exertion. The 
researchers would have conducted а fol: 
low-up study, but their subjects went out 
and bought all available supplies. 


Wl, lover and 1 are into bondage. We 
both get really turned on when he hand- 
cuffs me. With my arms behind me, the 
handcuffs cut into my wrists and hurt. 
We have tried leaving my arms in front, 
but that is not as much of a turn-on for 
те. There are times when he has me 
wear them on my legs all night. That 
leaves marks on my ankles that take 
hours to disappear. Any suggestions— 
Miss S. H., Hitchcock, Texas. 

The November 1979 "Sex News” fea- 
lures some soft restraints (velvet-lined 
wrist cuffs) that might do the trick. You 
might also try some old school lies, ny- 
lon stockings or silk scarves. They are 
easier lo sneak through airport security, 
for those trips away from home. For 
more information, write to The Pleasure 
Chest (20 West 20th Street, New Yor 
New York 10011) for a catalog of other 
В & D regalia. Then tie one on. 


Potholes in my part of the country 
take a big toll on my car during the 
winter. I usually have to have my front 
end aligned after an especially large 
crop appears in the spring. And that 
brings to mind an old confusion: the 
difference between ter and camber. 
What is it and how does it affect my 
саг?—К. J., St. Paul, Minnesota. 

The annual Pothole Slalom is such an 
exciling event. that we're surprised it 
hasn't been included in the winter 
Olympics. But if it ever is, here's what 
the pit crews will be doing: First, they'll 
check the angle of the wheels from the 
front of the car to make sure that the 
tread is perpendicular to the road at 
speed. That's the camber, and properly 
set, the tread will lie flat on the road. Ob- 
viously, if it doesn’t, uneven tire wear 
will result. Second, the caster is checked. 
from the side of the car. Caster is the 
angle of the wheel spindle itself. The car 
wheels must lead the car, not be dragged 
along by it. Correct caster is necessary 
for handling and stecring and to keep 
the wheels tracking straight. Too much 
caster creates shimmy and wander at 


59 


PLAYBOY 


60 


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high speeds. Your crew will also check 
your toe. Toe is the difference between 
the distance at the front of your tires and 
thal at the rear. A slight toein situation 
is necessary, since wheels tend to line up 
parallel at speed. Make sure that is 
checked, since it will have the greatest 
effect on your tire life. Be aware that mis 
alignment caused by potholes requires 
only an adjustment and seldom means 
that there is any physical damage to your 
car. 


SSinsemitta is a form of marijuana that 
Ive heard а lot about lately. bs sup. 
posed to be very strong and almost 
seedless. How is it possible to grow grass 
without seeds and why is it so power 
Tulz—R. D., Mendocino, California 

Sinsemilla is the result of a cruel in- 
Justice. perpetraled on pot. plants. As 
you know, there ате male and female 
Cannabis plants. Ordinarily, they co- 
exist in a plol, the males fertilizing the 
females willy-nilly in a kind of garden 
Sodom and Gomorrah. Unfortunately, 
males produce nowhere near the THC 
potency of female plants. As a result 
growers have taken to killing off the male 
plants as soon as they appear, leaving 
the females lonely and seedless. Then 
they clip off the lower leaves of the fe- 
males, forcing all the potent THC into 
the lop leaves and buds. The result is a 
better lgh jor you. 


W could spend my life looking for a sun- 
rise sensualist. Why is it that men like 
to make love in the morning and women 
don'G—T. P., New York. New York 

It sounds like you've had а run of bad 
luck 
do it morning, noon and night. One of 
the primary ingredients of desire in hoth 
menand women is testosterone (the male 


weve known women who like to 


hormone). For men, there is a peak in tes- 
losterone production every morning. So 
it's early to rise. Also—during the night— 
a male experiences [our or |ше erections 
during REM (тара eye movement) 
sleep. Stimulation facilitates sperm pro. 
duction; therefore, їп the morning, he 
may feel primed and ready. (The move 
ejaculate, the more pleasurable the or 
gasm.) Now look at it [vom the woman's 
point of view. She wakes to a lover who 
is unshaven and sufjering from morning 
mouth, She may require courtship or 
comversation as prerequisite. lo sex 
Thats not likely to happen until after 
the coffeecake. Our advice: Try a candle: 
light breakfast in bed. Take in a bedside 
lable with toothbrush and mouthwash. 
Let her shave you. Hj you take your time, 
you'll be rolling by evening. 


V seem to be the victim of malepattern 
baldness. My roommate tells me that 
baldness is related to virility. Of course, I 


believe her, but 1 wonder: Js there a reta- 
tion between hair loss and masculinityz— 
J. P., Atlanta, Georgia. 

We'd like to think so. It gives us some- 
thing to look forward to. As а boy be- 
comes а man, two things happen: He 
begins to grow hair on his chest, legs, 
arms, armpits, pubic area and face; and 
he begins to lose hair on his head. This 
is directly related to the production of 
testosterone (see preceding letter). If you 
had been castrated at the age о] ten, you 
would have developed a luxurious head 
of hair. You could even have sung back- 
up for the Bee Gees. This is pure spec 
ulation. If your girlfriend believes it— 
all power to you 


A 


from an enlarged prostate. One of the 


as, my physician tells me that I suffer 


symptoms seems to be a tendency toward 
premature ejaculation. I come almost 
immediately—a problem I never had 


-S. T., 


before. Are the two related: 
Chicago, Ilinois. 

An inflamed prostate gland may con- 
tribute lo premature ejaculation. One 
expert compared the efject to “a foreign 
body in the eye causing rapid blink- 
ing.” Check with your doctor, follow 
his instructions and the situation should 
improve. 


F have two questions, and both 
about tipping. 1 belong to a health s 
racquetball club, where 1 go three times 
а week to work out in the gym. There is 
а locker-room attendant who shines 
shoes, replenishes the hair grooming sup- 
plies and does general deanup work. 
Now, à sign in the locker room says that 


one must pay 50 cents for a shoeshine Deep-penetrating 
and 25 cents lor use of the hairgrooming formula. All foam. Clings 
supplies. THESE ARE SUPPLIED AS А COUR- to vertical surfaces. Starts 
tesy, the sign says, and, accordingly, one dissolving grease on con- 
is to pay the attendant the 25 cents or 50 tact. Continuous action 
cents for them. I don't use any of them. eats through dirt, grease 
Am 1 supposed to tip the attendant, and grime. Surrounds 
nevertheless? Docs his mere presence in them. Lifts them into sus- 
the locker room warrant a tip? If so, pension, ready to wash 
how much? (The spa costs $400 a year.) right oft in 45 minutes. 
Secondly, 1 have my hair ipooed, 1222 
cut and blown dry at а haircutting No kerosene film. 
ce in а mall nearby. I know 1 should No residue, no slick. When 
ip both the shampoo girl and the hair- you hose your engine 
cuuer/stylist, but how muchi—W. J., Clean, it's clean right down 
Huntington Valley, Pennsylvania. to the surface. Looks great. 
It isn't necessary to tip someone in a Easier, neater, more con- 


health. club who doesn't provide you venient to work on. With 
with any service. Of course, if he lakes nooily film toattract mor 


your workout for you, then, by all 
means, tip. When in а hairstyling es 
tablishment, a 15 percent gratuity should. 
go to the stylist, while 50 cents to one 
dollar should go to the shampoo girl. 


Grease 


Watch others and see what the accepted penetrating 


amount ts. 


EMi, new videocassette recorder has 


enabled me to develop a pretty good col- Engine's clean ff 
lection of my favorite TV programs and —easy to 
work оп! 


1979 STP Corporation - 1400 W. Commercial Boulevard + Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33310 


©1980 Pabs! Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin ard other cities 


SERVICE WITH STYLE 


Aprilout is at уойг service to get you through the 
Eighties survival game in style. First you'll get 
valuable advice on Dating Married Women with- 
out risking your neck. Next you'll learn how to 
Stock Your Bar without spending a fortune. Then 
OUI offers expert tips on Creative Borrowing that 
will keep more cash where you want it—in your 
wallet. You'll also t Charlene Tilton, the love- 
ly nymphet from Dallas, and feminist foe 
Andy Kaufman, who wrestles with some tough 
questions —and a very sexy young lady. Plus an 
in-depth look at soccer, a trip through the Malibu 
Grand Prix, the world's most beautiful 
women and much more. April out. 
At newsstands everywhere. 


movies. Unfortunately, Гуе got a good 
collection of TV commer Is as well. It's 
impossible for me to sit with the ma- 
chine while it’s on to edit out the com- 
mercials, so what's the answer?—R. T., 
Los Angeles, California. 

Are you sure you really want to get 
rid of those commercials) Even record- 
ed commercials can serve the same pur- 
pose as the originals. That is, provide 
time for a quick trip to the kitchen or 
the bathroom. And, as everyone knows, 
they are indispensable for quickies dur- 
ing bedroom watching. But if you must 
have uninterrupted viewing, there is а 
device called The Editor, made by Shel- 
ton Video Editors in Vashon, Washing- 
ton, that will do the trick, The Editor 
docs it by shutting itself off when the 
screen fades to black with no audio be- 
fore a commercial. It remains off for ccr- 
tain standard lengths of time, such as 
10, 30 or 60 seconds, until the device 
determines that the ads are over. Тһе 
only problem is that the machine is a 
little slow in starting again, so you could 
lose up to 30 seconds of programing. If 
that doesn’t bother you, your problem is 
solved. At least until nature calls. 


Preise help. I often experience acute 
pain upon ejaculation. Sometimes it lasts 
might be prostatitis, 


you have any knowledge of that reac- 
tion?—L. F., New Orleans, Louisiana. 

Helen Singer Kaplan, author of “Dis- 
orders of Sexual Desire,” has suggested 
that men undergo something akin to 
vaginismus (in which a woman experi- 
ences pain at the moment oj penetra- 
lion). "In this syndrome, the man 
experiences a sharp pain at the moment 
of ejaculation, or more typically, a short 
lime after he ejaculates. This pain may 
last for minutes or hours or even days. 
It is frequently so intense as to be dis- 
abling.” Bummer. Apparently, the geni- 
tal muscles go into an involuntary 
spasm. The problem appears 10 be psy- 
chological. Kaplan notes: “In males, the 
underlying causes range from mild mas- 
turbalory guilt to profound and severe 
sexual conflict. Sometimes no under- 
lying cause can be detected.” You might 
review your attitudes about sex and see 
if any of the above fils. Self-knowledge 
is the first step loward improving the 
condition. 


All reasonable questions—from fash- 
ion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars 
to dating dilemmas, lasie and etiquette- 
will be personally answered if the writer 
includes a stamped, self-addressed en- 
velope. Send all letters to The Playboy 
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michi- 
gan Avenue, Chicago, Ilinois 60611. The 
most provocative, pertinent queries will 
be presented on these pages each month. 


the name of 
the game in 


NASSAU. 


Next time you're in the 
mood for action, come to 
Nassau and play at our place. 
The new Playboy Casino. 


Baccarat. Blackjack. 
Craps. Roulette. Big Six 
Wheel. Slot machines. 
You'll find them all ina 


PLAYBOY (7 


PLAYBOY САЅІМОЕЗ 


(14 


setting of European-style 
elegance. 
luxurious Ambassador 
Beach Hotel and Colf 
Club on Cable Beach. 


It's a vacation paradise 
made even more so. 


The Ambassador Beach Hotel Nassau, Bahamas 
One More Reason Why It's Better in the Bahamas. Ask your travel 


agent to tell you all about it. 


ing label, if available) to: 


PLAYBOY Subscriber Service 
P.O. Box 2523 
Boulder, Colorado 80322. 


А 
Note Of 
Interest Ло 


PLAYBOY 
Subscribers 


Periodically, PLAYBOY supplies carefully screened or- 
ganizations (whose products and services we feel could 
be of interest to you) with the names and addresses of our 
subscribers. Most subscribers enjoy receiving mail of this 
nature. However, others sometimes object to having their 
names released for this purpose. If you wish to have your 
name deleted from lists furnished to outside companies, 
please mail your written request (and include your mail- 


65 


If you want a frequency response with more dynamic range and 
more high-end extension, you'll want nothing less than metal 
tape. And for about $380 there are many metal tape decks to 
choose from. But if you want more than just metal, you'll want 
what most other comparably priced decks don't give you. The 
3 heads and double Dolby in Technics RS-M63. 

The RS-M63's 3-head configuration lets you do what most 
other comparably priced decks don't: Monitor your recordings 
while you're recording. And, since our separate HPF record 
and playback heads are precisely gapped and enclosed in a 
single housing, you won't get azimuth error. What you will get 
is an extremely wide frequency response with Cr» tape and 
an incredibly high response with metal tape. 

Wowand Futter | Frequency Response S/N 


"20Hz-20kHz(metal) 
0.05 WRMS. 20Hz-IBkHaz(FeCr/CrOz) 67 ав Dolby in. 
20Hz-17kHatnormal) 


As good as that sounds, double Dolby will make it sound 
even better, because there are separate Dolby circuits for 
recording and playback. So you can monitor your tapes with 
the full effects of Dolby Noise Reduction. That means a lot 
when it comes to accurate recordings. 

So do the RS-M655 fiuorescent (FL) bar graph meters. 
Especially when it comes to dynamic range. Because with their 
device attack time of just 5-millionths of a second, they can 
respond to the most sudden musical transients. 

To help you make the most of all this performance, the 
RS-M63 has a fine bias adjustment, so you can get the most 
out of all kinds of tape. And you'll spend more time listening 
to music and less time searching for it, because we include the 
memory features you need. Like auto-rewind, auto play and 
rewind auto play. 

Technics RS-M63. The only deck to consider when you 
consider what you get for the price. 


* Recommended price for Technics RS-M63, but actual price wil be set by dealers, 
1Dolby в a trademark of Dolby Laboratories 


Technics 


Before you spend 9380 on а 
metal tape deck, make sure it has 
3 heads and double Dolby. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


a continuing dialog on contemporary issues between playboy and its readers 


SLOPE SIGNALS 

Re the Aspen skicr who, distracted by 
the sight of a pantsdown female on the 
slopes managed to crcam 
relerring. of course. to his resulti 
ken ankle. Whatever the. circumstances, 
aumuctive women skiers definitely con- 
tribute to the intrinsic hazards of this 
otherwise wholesome sport (E say with 
tongue firmly in check) and sometl 
has got to be done about it 
this: 

Just as most ski arcas have posted 
symbols to indicate the relative difficulty 
of the trails, women's ski apparel should 
have appropriate markings, if not for the 
slopes, then for the social interactions 
that are part of the whole scene. Tradi 
tionally, a plain circle indicates casy 
terrain, suitable [or beginners; a square 
means intermediate difhculty—challeng- 
ing but quite cruisable for those with a 
bit of skill and experience. Now, the 
black-diamond symbol means definite 
risks arc involved and only scasoned єх- 
pers should stick their necks out very 
far. Terribi ppen when 
amateurs tangle with these black-diamond 
girls, for sure 

(Name withheld by request) 
Carlsbad, New Mex 

Clever, if a bit chau: 
comparable markings for men? Qr would 
every male wear only markings indicating 
he was а pushover? (For readers who 
missed. the original letter, the “pants- 
down female” referred to was ап un- 
fortunate lass who had been answering 
-nature's urgent call behind some bushes 
and accidentally schussed off before she 
was ready.) 


FRIENDLY SKIES 

I was amused to read Cynthia L. Duffy's 
lener (The Playboy Forum. December), 
in which she comments on “Santa Monica 
Private Pilots” or experience 
while flying and watching ıhe sunset 
(The Playboy Forum, September). I'm 
not sure why Miss Рийу thought that 
Santa Monica was а male—could have 
been a woman. The letter doesn’t say. 


smic 


Anyway, 1 have a story that literally 
tops that one. It happened approxi- 
mately ten years ago. T was flying over 


west Texas one night ar 13,000 feet i 
singleseat Air Force fighter. The skies 
were perfectly clear and not only could I 
nds of stars but I could see the 
cities and towns hundreds of miles away. 
Being alone with such beauty was too 


see tho 


much for me. I got a hard-on that 
wouldn't quit. 

1 tried to ignore my feeling, but there 
was no it wouldn't go down, I had. 
about five minutes before I had to change 
headings and make a radio call, so I un- 
zipped my flight suit reed some 
manual massage. For those who һауе 
never experienced an orgasm at 600 
miles an hour while breathing pure oxy- 
gen, 1 can only say that it's incredible. I 
almost lit the afterburner when 1 came. 


"T was making some pretty 
serious gestures toward 
back-seat, mile-high sex.” 


ince 1 had no automatic pilot, I had 
to control the stick and throtile with one 
hand while I throtiled my own stick with 
the other. (1 would nor recommend this 
activity to experienced aviator!) IE 
Cynthia had been there, I'm sure 1 could 
have immed the plane to fly itself for a 
few minutes, 

California Professional Pilot 
Orangeville, California 


The letter from the private pilot 
who got his rocks off to a spectacular 


sunset inspires me to share 
in the skies, which 
was somewhat less poetic—at least as it 


my own adventure 


turned out. A fricnd of minc owns a 
Bellanca and my girlfriend and 1 were 
flying with him and his wifc from Texas 
to California several years ago. In the 
course of the flight, we all got talking, 
mostly joking, about how we should 
make a real effort to have some high 
altitude so we could submit our 
applications to the Mile-High Club. (I 
dont know il the club truly exists, but 
it’s legendary and a perfectly good ex- 
cuse for screwing, regardless.) 

After a lot of bullshitting one another. 
the four of us were getting horny enough 
to overcome our inhibitions and w 
deeply into the logistical problems of 
performing any kind of sex under such 
space limi 

By the time we had crossed Las Vegas 
and were nearing the California 
border, we were all psyched up and 
sorted out and 1 was making some preity 
serious gestures toward some back-seat. 
mile-high sex (we were about 10.000 feet 
but it never hurts to be safe), when the 
aircraft nearly flipped upside down, for 
no apparent г Actually, it only 
bumped up and sideways and put us 


ions. 


ason. 


into a panic for a few seconds, but I hate 
to ruin a good story- 

As soon as the pilot recovered control, 
he turned on the radio and we learned 
that we had just been hit by the shock 
wave from an underground nuclear test; 
apparently, the warning had been on for 
hours, but we hadn't been listening. It 
was no big deal, but it was sufficiently 
distracting that my boner wilted. my girl- 
friend buttoned up her blouse, the pilot 
and his wife became preoccupied with 
the radio and the wim and other matters 
associated with airplane flying, and that 
was the end of that. 

Since that day, I have been 
opponent of nuclear testing. 

(Name withheld by request) 
n Antonio, Te: 


n ardent 


THE HOMOSEXUAL ISSUE 

PLAYBOY has been so long an uncrit 
ical supporter of homosexuals that. I'm 
pleased to sce a little common. sense 
creep into the magazine. 1 
of course, to The San Francisco Experi- 
ence, by Nora Gallagher. in the January 
issue, Despi sual (and perh 
deserved) sop to those gays who do 
make a dedicated effort to be offensive, 
she describes quite clearly why there 
is such a thing as prejudice 


п refering. 


e the 


gainst 


67 


PLAYBOY 


68 


homosexuals. They've worked hard for 
quite a few years to bringit on themselves. 
(Name withheld by request) 
Palo Alto, California 
A letter from а homosexual in our 
January “Playboy Forum” makes some- 
what the same point, if a little more sen- 
sibly. Letters in our March issue both 
thank us and denounce us for our posi- 
tions on the subject, which is debated 
continually in these columns. But let us 
clarify something: We are not uncritical 
supporters of homosexuals; we do strong- 
ly support the rights of all citizens, in- 
cluding homosexuals. Now, for some 
further comments, wise and otherwise: 


the leather bars—to the private, not the 
public side of gay life, an exclusive night- 


homosexuals, rarely if ever visit. 
lagher would have done better to stick 
with what straights like herself might 
encounter of gay life during the course 
y day and examine her feel 
ings regarding those more common ex- 
ch 


ol an ordin 


Michael Rubin 
San Francisco, Califor 


To be homosexual and live in Su 
Francisco and mut fit into the loc 
lifestyle, as Gallagher describes it, vir- 
tually ensures isolation. You inhabit а 
kind of no man's land where you are, 
on one hand, ignored or even shunned 
by your wonderlul gay brethren 
the other, ап object of contempt to het- 
crosexuals who have 1 ough of fags. 
Fortunatcly, my stay in gay mecca was 
short (one year) and I have returned to 
‘cener pastures. 


John Forth 
New York, New York 


Part of the reason some people don't 
approve of homosexuality may be that 
they don't approve of heterosexuali 
either. Note the common expletives: 
Fucker, Get fucked, You fuckhead; 
phr; like fuck over, fuck around and 
the ubiquitous fuck up- 

The questions I want to confront all 
heterosexuals with simply these: 
What have you got against fucking? Why 
do you use the word as il it’s the nastiest 
thing you can think of? Your grandpar- 
ents never used it, because they thought 
it was dirty—both the word and what i 
stood lor. You use it all the time, for the 
ons, even if the shock value 


a penis 
flects the м 


FORUM NEWSFRONT 


what’s happening in the sexual and social arenas 


IS NOTHING HARMLESS? 
McDonald's. coffee stirrers have be- 
come something of a collectors. item 
since the company announced il was 
redesigning them to eliminate. their 
possible use as “drug paraphernalia.” 
The issue came up, to the dismay of 


McDonald's officials, when witnesses 
before a U.S. Senate subcommittee 
testified that the liny spoons have been 
adopted by drug users as a standard 
measure of and a popular means of 
snorling cocaine. 


VACCINE FOR MONO 

CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS—A re- 
searcher at Harvard's Sidney Farber 
Cancer Institute reports the develop- 
ment of a vaccine that may provide 
protection against mononucleosis, oth- 
se known—inaccuralely—as the 
issing disease. Laboratory tests with 
rabbits indicate thal the vaccine pro- 
duces antibodies against the virus that 
causes mono, which has been linked to 
two types of cancer. 


VACATION FROM HOUSEWORK 

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA—AÀ 49-year- 
old mother of seven is reportedly de- 
lighted at the jail sentence of six 
months to three years that she received 
for growing marijuana. The woman's 
19-year-old daughter told a newsman, 
“Mum wanted it this way. She went 
around telling everyone that it would 
give her a chance to have a rest. She's 
never had а holiday, except for а day or 
two in Adelaide or Melbourne on busi- 
ness, and she's always worked very hard. 
So she was really cheerful about it.” 


GOOD SHOT 

BATH, MAINE—A young carnival bark- 
er was acquitted of running а crooked 
skill game after undergoing а “trial by 
ordeal.” The judge in the case decided 
that the game would be found legiti- 
mate if lhe defendant could play it 
himself and шіп. On his sixth try, he 
succeeded in bouncing а softball off the 
belly of a stuffed green dragon and into 
a ten-gallon milk can. Courtroom spec- 
lators applauded and the judge found 
him innocent of theft by deception. 


LICENTIOUSNESS 

SACRAMENTO—A Californian whose 
last name is Schmuck may sue the state 
over its refusal to isse a personalized 
license plate bearing his last name. Тіс 
motor-vehicles department includes 
SCHMUCK on its list of words deemed 
obscene, offensive or insulting. The 
motorist said he did not intend for 
his name to be translated. into the 
Yiddish word for penis and might take 
legal action to uphold his good name, 
which in German means ornament. He 
added that he would not settle for a 
plate with only his first name, which 
happens to be Peter. 


GOOD NEIGHBORS 
BEATTY, NEvaDA—Local cii 


zens, busi- 
nesses and organizations— 
including the Veterans af Foreign 
Wars—have held a special fund-raising 
drive to help rebuild Fran's Star Ranch, 
опе of the area's legal brothels, which 
was destroyed by fire. The VFW. 
Women’s Auxiliary sponsored a “fire 
dance” that raised more than 55000 and 
а saloon owner donated $1000 іп re- 
ceipts from card playing. “We're not 
doing this to restore a brothel,” ex- 
plained one contributor, “We're doing 
this for Fran. She's one of a hind”— 
with a popular reputation for buying 
uniforms for the local softball team, 
advertising in the high school yearbook 
and donating regularly to the volunteer 
fire department. 


service 


PAY POTTIES 

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Senator John 
Warner of Virginia may be stirring up 
a new controversy over pay toilets. 
Charging that such toilets discriminate 
against women and children, because 
men's urinals are free, the Senator has 
introduced an amendment that would 
eliminate pay toilets from all airports 
that emplane at least 25,000 passengers 
a year. 


VIRGINITY LOSINS OUT 
Tr. auizova—fHotlhi male and fe- 
mule college studenis naw тач chastity 
at the bottom of the list of powon 
characteristics they consider important 
to an 


in selecting a mate. ассоній 
Arizona State University study 
essentially the same survey was conduct- 
ed in 1939, chastity ranked tenth опа 
list of 18 qualities. Topping the list in 
the new survey were emotional stability 
and mutual attraction, with dependa- 
hility—the most important quality in 
1959—drop ping to third place. 


FBI GOES SOFT 

xerox. ne—The FBI, which 
has always been extremely strict about 
personal conduci. has liberalized cer- 
fain rules to the point where its agents 
no longer face automatic dismissal for 
engaging in premarital or extramarital 
sex. While rules remain strict оп ho- 
mosexuality and marijuana wse, the 
buvean indicated that eventually some 
latitude may he shown in individual 
cases. usually involving past conduct in 


which the acts in question could have 
no detrimental effect on an agent's work. 


DRINKING TO REMEMBER 

Los ancenes—1 moderate amount of 
alcohol may enhance the memory if 
taken just after a learning experience, 
according lo experiments at the Uni- 
versity of Southern California. School 
of Pharmacy researchers. found that 
with mice, at least, a litle 
seemed to aid in the storage and reten- 
пон of information a week after the 


how 


experiment, but they cautioned against 
projecting such effects to human learn- 
ing and memory. Past research indi 
cates that memory impairment is one 
oj the common side effects of alcohol 
abuse. 


FREE SPEECH 

қалану. маче district judge has 
found a New York City woman inno- 
cent of littering after she dum ped a Fox 
of garbage under the police dispatcher's 
window at the teen hall. Notime that 
the act was committed to protest the 
lack of trash barrels at a local beach, 
the court held that the woman tourist. 
was exercising her right of symbolic 
[тее speech, 


TAX AVOIDANCE 

INGTON, D.C—The Internal Rev- 
enue Service has decided to challenge 
the tax returns of a Maryland conple 
who three times have divorced and те- 
married twice in order to take advan- 
lage of the lower taxes payed by 
employed single peaple who are simply 
living together. The test case should 
provide a court ruling on what the HUS. 
calls “sham divorces" intended to lower 
lax liability. The defendants found it 
possible to save some 52800 in Federal 
income taxes ћу obtaining a $350 di- 
төте іп Haiti and then. remarrying 
after (he first of the year. 


GAYS STILL BANNED 

WASHINGTON, D.C—Despile a recent 
ruling by the head of the U. S. Public 
Health Service. lustice Department 
lawyers have concluded. that the Im- 
migration and Naturalkation Service 
still must enforce a statutory ban on 
the admission of homosexnal foreigners 
to the United States, Last summer. the 
U.S. Surgeon General, acknowledging 
changes in medical views, declared that 
homovwxualily should no longer he 
considered а mental disease or defe 
and that immigration officers would be 
so advised, An assistant attorney gen- 
eral conceded that this would make 
enforcement of the ban difficult: or 
impractical but said it did not alter 
the law itself. Gay rights groups 
are expected to further challenge the 
1952 immigration law, known as the 
Al Garvan-Waller Act, which considers 
homosexuality itself a disease. 


DOGS AND DRUGS 

EMLAND. INDINNA— The ше of po- 
lice dogs in publie schools la search 
for drugs docs not violate the constitu- 
tional rights of students. а Federal 
district judge has held. Ruling in а 
snit brough! by the American Civil 
Liberties Union. the judge decided that 
the dogs merely acted as aides to the 
school administrator in detecting the 
scent of marijuana for the purpose of 
enforcing school regulations rather 
than conducting a criminal investiga- 
tion. The same decision ruled ont strip 
searches of studen: 


"Одесе? 
nosora—Colomlia's most respected 
ral 
tsocation of Financial Istitulions. 
s proposed that marijuana be legal- 
d that the funds ише spent 
combating it instead be earmarked 
for development programs in the те 
gions where the pot is now cultivated. 
Recognizing the problems of taking 
such action unilaterally, the asocia- 
tion's yearlong study points out that 
Colombia presently. spends close to 
515000000 annually 1o fight the 


economics. organization, the Nati 


h 


ied an 


weed and that its ultimate legalization 
and marketing could raise at least 
SI70 IIO) а yrar in lax revenues. 
Meanwhile, the president of Colom 
bin's national senate went even further, 
calling on seven Latin American coun 
tries to Ingalice the production and sale 
of both marijuana and cocaine. Accord. 
ing lo Zodine news service, Senator 
Hector heverri Correa veferred. lo 
Pern. Bolivia, Ecuador. Chile. Venezne- 
In. Mexico and Colombia. which would 
forma kind of “organization of drng- 
exporting countries" along the lines of 
OPEC, the international ail cartel. 


CHURCH OF YOUR CHOICE 
SEATTLE— The  Venusian Church. 
alleging that raids an sexnal activities 
al ils temple constitute religious intei- 
ference and harassment, has filed a 
8104020 400. suit against Seattle and the 
city police. The church acknowledges 
that sexual activities play а major role 
in its beliefs and practices but defends 
them as being religious in nature and 
entitled to constitutional protection. 
The suit claims that the sexual mate- 
rials, including movies, slides and lioe 
performances, are presented at the 
temple 10 “serve as a medium for 
the communication of the principles 

and philosophies of the church.” 


69 


PLAYBOY 


70 


s haven't realized there's 
more significant than "chair- 


why femin 
issue her 
person 


Roger M. Smith 
Milwaukee, Wisconsin 


In response to the faggots who have 
written letters to defend gay rights, I sav 
this: They may have the right to do 


what they want in the privacy of their 
own homes, but nature gave us an urge 
for sex with the intent that we'd give way 
to temptation and thus propagate the 
human species. Ive heard gays say 
that what heterosexuals are doing is just 
as unnatural as what they're doing—hav- 
ng sex not for the purpose of keeping 


the species alive but for pleasure. Thi 


but the att 
tu 


may be true, 
man and woman 
attract), Homosexual 
natural, despite what a 
(Na 

Los Angeles. California 

All opposites altvacl? How about 
birds of a feather who flock together? 


ction is 
nybody says. 


action between 
1 (all opposites 


me withheld by request) 


the 


SMOKEY, THE BANDIT 


Earl Henry “Smokey” Burris, 66, 
took his stand in the grand manner 
of frontier individualism and dared 
the stale of Arizona to stop him from 
growing and smoking his own mari- 
Juana, Arizona accepted the dare and 
locked him up in prison for three to 
five years. The case is an embarrass- 
ment for boih Arizona lawmakers and 
Arizona law enforcers. In the name 
of protecting citizens from themselves 
and from drugs and teaching them re 
spect for the law, they may have 
passed a death sentence on û harm- 
less elderly eccentric in failing health. 
Steve Daniels, who has been covering 
the story as a bureau chief of The Ari 
zona Republic, sends us this report: 

OXTMAN, ARIZONA—Hcre in the 
ral Southwest, county sheriffs ride 
Ford LTDs, not horses, but you'll 
find most of them still wearing Stet 
sons, pearl-button shirts, boots and 
paunches in the classic Western law- 
man tradition. At least that's the case 
in Mohave County, where lawen 
forcement personnel have an almost 
equal dislike for Communists and 
Federal Government bureaucrats (the 
Environmental Protection Agency has 
threatened to fine the sherilf for strip- 
ping his patrol cars of their emission 
control devices). Local lawmen also 
dislike dope smokers—make that dope 
fiends, and make the definition real 
loose. 

In the 


nid- to late Seventies, the 
U. S. Law Enforcement Assistance Ad. 
ministration pumped a lot of money 
nto Mohave County to combat the 
flow of drugs, including here 
the Mexican border. Incr 
lance of the nearly 80 des 
suips in the county, plus 
manpower and the 
virtually eliminated the nightly flights 
from Mexico, and undercover agents 
have had to change thei ics to 
keep the “war on drugs” going. 
result—besides a phenome 
tion of the price of marij 
been a marked incr 
ber of small drug busts. Which bi 
ıs to the case of Smokey Burris. 
For ten years, Burris was one of 
150 residents of this former 


ted air 
nereased 


The 


about 


gold-mining boomtown, once a hot 
spot of about 5000 residents on the 
long, scenic, desolate haul over the 
old Route 66 between Chicago and 
Los Angeles. To use the local vernac- 
lifed as а colorful 
but often. contrary old codger who 
minded his own business and expect- 
ed other folks to do the same. Since 
however. he has been a 
ate Prison. 


where he js serving a three-to-five 
year term lor cultivation. of mari- 
i He may well a 


ancholy symbol of a [шге system. 
js too often truly blind. 

Burris entered prison with known 
respiratory problems and a heart con- 
dition yet was assigned to a work 
nt in southern. Ari- 
medi- 
cation and transfert 1 
of the state pen at Florence 
fter fellow inmates raised a ruckus 
over the labor he was expected to per- 


«d to a medica 


on as a n July 
1978, when county narcotics agents 

ijuama plants over ten 
his side yard. The 


feet t 
ntence was handed down by Cochise 


County Superior Court Judge An- 
thony T. Deddens, considered a 
ging judge" by several members 


Arizona bar. Some Arizonans 


pers. suggesting that 


of the 
wrote to newsp: 
justice should 
mercy and the n element of com 
mon sense; and if poor judgment is a 


By STEVE DANIELS 


crime, then perhaps Deddens should 
join Smokey in the slammer—or even 
take his place, But this popular sym- 
pathy has had to acknowledge that 
Smokey certainly was obstinate. and 
defiant of Arizona's tough drug law. 
Even if sent to jail. he would con- 
tinue the use of marijuana,” а pro- 
bation officer told the court. “It is 
the defendant's belief that the courts 
and the law are wrong concerning 
marijuana and he is right. 
Judge Deddens agreed. "There is 
nothing in this man's background 
that mak п a viable candidate for 
probation." he said in pronouncing 
sentence ag; “Тһе defend- 
ant seems adamant in determina 
tion to decide for himself whether or 
not to conform to the laws of society." 
dded that Burris was “ 


h 


established that буза much doubt, 
at least with respect to the 
uana. Since 1972, һе had m 
aged to get himself arrested three 
times under the adm tions of 
three county sheriffs. one arrest. cul- 
minating in a two-month jail term. 

In 1973. after reading that three 
young people had received long sen- 
tences for marijuana, Burris had be 
labored the local constable to accept 
a sample of his own home-grown and 
then lock him up in their place. The 
constable refused, but Burris later 
ended up facing pot charges and was 
temporarily exiled тош the state 
About then, he began proclaiming 
himself loudly and proudly to be 
"probably the world's oldest pot- 
head." At his trial last year, he 
smoked a joint on the courthouse 
steps during a recess. 


In short, it wasn't casy for Smokey 
to get himself into serious trouble, 
but his efforts finally paid off. He at 


wacted too much attention and the 
state decided he was settii 
ample by thumbing his nose 
law. Now it is setting a good ex: 
presumably, by locking him up 


sal, but 
protracted and probably futile 
process may last longer than Smokey. 


MADNESS OF THE MONTH 

Among the stranger species of mon 
compos mentis inhabiting this state is a 
group calling itself the Pro-Family Coali- 
tion of Utah, which is currently opposing 
the Planned Parenthood Association of 
Ogden. In one mailing, the Pro-Family 
folks listed the following as the measures 
Planned Parenthood advocates 10 “те 
duce fertility in the United States": 


Encourage homosexuality. 
Put fertility-control agents in citi 
zens’ water supplies, 


Encourage women to work 


Increase 


axes for married people 
and people with children. 
Require women to work. 
Subsidize childless citizens to en 
courage birth control 
Subsidize sterilization to encourage 


sterilization. 
Subsidize abortion to encourage 

abortion 

ortion for out-of- 


Compulsory а 
wedlock pregnancy 

Compulsory sterilization of all 
who have two children, except for a 
few who would he allowed three. 


Now, that's what 1 call a comprehen- 
sive program of population соттой! I 
don't know what the Planned Parent- 
hood people would call it 

(Name withheld by request) 
Salt Lake City, Utah 

Bullshit, most likely, though they 

might put it a bit more delicately. 


STREET STRATEGY 
You should have advised the man in 

Norwalk (The Playboy Forum. Decem 
ber) that there is. іп fact. a way 
approach a prostitute and pr 
eliminate the possibility of her being a 
police decoy. Simply ask her if you can 
buy her 2 drink and avoid discussing spe 
cific sexual acts or any payment until you 
both are in the car and have driven 
several blocks. I's true that some prosti 
tutes might insist on striking a deal in 
advance, but many will go along with 
that system, The point is that no police- 
woman will accept such an oller or be in 
a position to make an arrest 

John H. Cone 

Pasadena, California 


SIMPLE SOLUTION 

You may be interested to know that 
PLAYBOY has been banned at the Frank: 
Jin Pierce Law Student Cooperative. This 
situation came about after some members 
of the Women’s Caucus, a feminist group 
at the Law Center, asked the directors of 
the bookstore to stop selling magazines 
that supposedly exploit women. Rather 
than debate which do and which don't, 
the directors solved the problem by ban- 
ning the sale of all magazines in the 
bookstore, including newsmagarines. 

So far, those of us who are outraged at 
this blatant denial of First Amendment 


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rights have been unable to convince the 
directors to reverse tkeir decision. It is 
ially disturbing to find that the 
ividuals who so ardently cham- 
pion freedom of choice in the important 
area of abortion rights are willing to 
deny freedom of access to. publications. 
But we can take heart from а recent case 
in the Federal district court pertaining to 
First Amendment rights and access to 
magazines. The court in that case said it 
best: “The most effective antidote to the 
poison of mindless orthodoxy is ready 
access to a broad sweep of ideas and phi- 
losophies. There is no danger to such ex- 
posure. The danger is in mind control.” 
Richard F. Silber 
Concord, New Hampshire 
Some people seem ever willing to 
demand freedom for themselves while 
denying it to others. Only a [ew years 
ago, it was a Federal crime to mail infor- 
mation cn abortion and birth control. 


ADOPTION VS. ABORTION 
It is very apparent «Нас those anti- 


abortionists who offer adoption as a sub- 


stitute for abortion have not studied the 


far-reaching psychological effects of that 
option 
Considering the trauma and the pain 
connected with giving up a child for 
adoption, it can be understood why 
many favor abortion or single parent- 
hood. Birth parents are denied partici 
pation in the planning ot their child's 
future and are forced to live with life- 
long guilt for having abandoned him 
Dr. Arthur Sorosky, coauthor of The 
Adoption Triangle, has described birth 
parents’ pain as a sense of psychologic 
nputation. They frequently face soci: 
and self-induced secrecy and guilt over 
their decision and experience feelings of 
depression, anger, grief and loss. 


Perhaps anti-abortionists have not 
considered any of this. Or maybe the im 
propersex vs. proper-punishment prin 


ciple applies. Whatever the case, it must 
be remembered that no option is without 
its penalty and cach woman must be per 
mitted to decide for herself which action 


Wilma Walkling Cogliantry 
Kensington, Connecticut 


SEXUAL SEMANTICS 

1 must admit I am thoroughly amused 
by the argument that rape should not be 
considered 


sexual 
nd criminologists can analyze 
all they 
change the fact that in rape, a woman із 


offense! The psy- 
chologists а 


motive: want, but it will never 


forced to have sex against her will. It’s 
possible that many cases of rape are acts 
of violence toward another person. 
the lega 
woman is penetrated and сап prove that 
it was against her will, then that involves 
her body; and to a virgin woman who 


nd 


point is assault. But if, in fact 


docs not believe in premarital sex, some- 
thing irreplaceable has been lost. 


Don't misunderstand me. The point 
is well made. It is much easier to convict 
a person of assault than of rape, and 


many of the current rape laws could be 


improved. But no matter what law is en 

acted or enforced or what views are taken 

into consideration, let's not distort the 9 
facts. When a woman is forced to have 9 
sexual intercourse, it is a sexual assault— 

EIS THE TASTE HASNT 


Timothy C. Gimber 
Huntsville, Texas 
Apparently, you're a victim of the Е Е 

same tendency too many jurors have to ° 
confuse physiology, emotions and statu 
lory law when considering the crime of 
таре. By treating заре as a crime of 
violence, as in physical assault or bat- 
lery, leaving sex out of il, the questions 
of pleasure or enticement ате minimized; 
assault, by definition, isn't anyone's idea 
of fun. 


GOOD-NEIGHBOR POLICY 
Trefer to the letters addressed to you 
by Chip G. Younkin and James Douglas 
Clarke, concerning mistreatment to 
American tourists by Mexican customs 
officers and published in your September 
issue, We strongly disapprove any mis- 
behavior of any of our officers and wi таса 
аге doing our best to prevent these un- 5 
fortunate occurrences. We have taken ы ""SCOTS WHISKY 9 
several administrative measures to make 
the entrance and stay in. Mexico of all 
tourists as casy and pleasant as possible. 
Agustin Acosta Lagunes 
Assistant Secretary of 
Public Information 


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dcolorchoice; —_ 
` No nonsense guarantee —Refund if not 
- totally satisfied, return ín 10 days. $19.99. 


PLAYBOY 


74 


Mexican police rose to the occasion: Mas- 
querading as gringos on holiday, they 
simply started patronizing various sta- 
tions up and down the Baja highway and 
shooting anybody who cheated them. 
I can't say I totally approve of such 
measures, but they do seem to work. 
Ed Johnson 
Los Angeles, California 
We can't verify them, bul such stories, 
we discovered, are al least well-cstab- 
lished Baja folklore. 


GOOD INTENTIONS 
This is а late comment but probably 
still valid. The Rutgers University police 
program of handing out "rape cards" 
(Forum Newsfront, July 1979) strikes me 
as one of the finest measures yet designed 
nt this particular crime. (Women 


situations are given cards that read, IF 
1 WERE A RAPIST, YOU'D BE IN TROUBLE 
Naturally, in another knee jerk of intel- 
lectual menopause, local women’s groups 
went berserk chanting their m 
ist" and an honest effort to pr 
bit the shit. 

Nobody sane believes women are re- 
sponsible [or being raped. But anybody 
" must agree that precautions сап be 
taken against it. That's what the Rutgers 
cops tried to point out. If a Detroit 
policeman handed me a card one dark 
night th 1 WERE AN ARMED 
ROBBEI EIN TROUBLE, | would 
say, “Thank you.” 

But if the Rutgers ladies choose to 
object, 1, for опе, say fuck ‘em. 

Russell B. deBeauclair 
Birmingham, Michigan 


‘otect them. 


SPARING THE ROD 
On behalf of the National Center, our 
executive committee, board of advisors, 
friends and the citizens against the use 
of force on children, I want to thank the 
Playboy Foundation for its generous sup- 
port of and continuing interest in our 
activities. Your money will be used to 
further our legal efforts on behalf. of 
children. You might be interested to 
know that the center is being increasing- 
ly utilized by groups such as the Chil- 
dren's Defense Fund and the Center for 
Law and Education at Harvard in pro- 
ng sociaLscience evidence to refute 
ill-founded efforts of punitiveness against 
children in the schools. 
Irwin A. Ну 
National Center for the Study 
of Corporal Ри 
Temple Unive 
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 
Dr. Hyman and James Н. Wise have 
compiled “Corporal Punishment їп 
American Education (Readings іп His- 
tory, Practice and Alternatives),” à 471. 
page collection of articles and studies 
available in hardcover through Temple 
University Press, Philadelphia, Pennsyl- 
vania 19122. 


DEATH PENALTY 
Legal execution is not murder, just 
as a legally imposed fine is not theft. 
If the Government has а rightful author- 
ity to send innocent young men to battle 
to be maimed and slaughtered to protect 
the country and its citizens, why hasn't 
it the same authority to execute convict- 
ed murderers and terrorists for the same 
reason? That, I believe, is the real ques- 
tion—the only question 

Archie Hovanesian, Sr. 

New Britain, Connecticut 
If only it were that simple. To date, 
there's no evidence that capital punish- 
ment deters the опе crime—murder—to 
which it generally applies. Confine your 
argument lo rational, profit-molivated 
armed robbers and it might have some 
validity. But then it logically extends to 
unarmed robbers, burglars, thieves and 


FORUM FOLLIES 


Our frequent coverage of psycholog- 
ical surveys, studies and research in 
“Forum Newsfront" prompted Andrew 
Arnesson of Oshkosh, Wisconsin, to 
submit the following bit of doggerei— 
source, author, era unknown—which һе 
found while sorting through some old 
papers. 

NOTES FROM A PSYCHIATRIC WORKER 

1 never get mad, | get hostile. 

1 never feel sad. I'm depressed. 

ШІ sew or I knit and enjoy it a bit, 
I'm not handy, I'm merely obsessed. 


1 never regret, 1 feel guilty; 

And if I should vacuum the hall, 
Wash the woodwork and such, and 
Not mind it too much, 

Am I tidy? Compulsive is all. 


If I can't choose a hat, І have con- 
flicts, 

With ambivalent feelings toward it. 

1 never get worried, or nervous or 
hurried; 

Anxiety, that's what I get! 


i'm happy. | must be euphoric. 

If go to a Stork Club or Ritz 

And have a good time making puns 
or a rhyme, 

I'm а manic—or maybe a schiz. 


II tell you you're right, l'm sub- 
missive, 

Repressing aggressiveness, too; 

And when I disagree, I'm defensive, 
you see, 

And projecting my symptoms on you. 


Поуе you. but that's just trans- 
ference 

With Oedipus rearing his head. 

My breathing asthmatic is psychoso- 
matic, 

A tear of exclaiming, “Drop dead!” 


I'm not lonely. I'm simply dependent. 
My dog has no fleas, just a tic. 
So if I'm a cad, never mind, just 
be glad 
That I'm not a stinker—l'm sick! 


purse snatchers—at least to those profes- 
sional enough to heed the advice of their 
attorneys. In short, the death penalty 
always sounds good to already law- 
abiding people who tend to support it 
out of fear and frustration, but il has 
no known deterrent value. 


PORN PROBLEM 
As civil libertarians, social scientists 
and PLAYBoY have so long asserted, there 


may well be no connection between por- 
nography and antisocial behavior. That 
has seemed to be the case їп Denmark 
and was the conclusion of the Presiden 
tial Commission on Violence and Por- 
nography that. as far as i know, is 
considered to have done a great deal of 
objective research on the subject. But 1 
am familiar with quite a few other 
studies that have found violent tenden- 
cies to be enhanced by visual stimula- 
tion: I so aware of some present 
studies now examining the effects of such 
visual stimulation om sexual behavior: 
and my background in psychology. plus 
my common sense, tells me that. porno- 
graphic violence—not necessarily to be 
confused with pornography—may. i 
deed. influence antisocial beha 
ward women, asi 


n 


In your concern over our constitution 
al rights and. indi freedom from 
censorship—a concern that | strongly 


share—do not blind yourselves to the 
strong likelihood that there 
ous social problem here and one that this 
county, for the sake of its citizens, must 
deal with. 


is a se 


(Name withheld by request) 
New York, New York 
Well said. Pornographic violence does 
create a problem for those who oppose 
й on aesthetic and social grounds but 
who fear il will become—and, indeed, is 
becoming—justification for an antisexual 
backlash and an excuse for censorship 
Only in the past decade did abortion 
become legal, contraception become re- 
spectable, sex education become loler- 
ated and sexual disabilities become the 
subject of serious medical research. H's 
our belief, supported by nearly everyone 
in the field of mental health, that repres- 
sion of sexuality causes [ar more personal 
and social harm than a healthy openness 
toward the subject. Pornographic vio- 
lence isn't healthy sex and we oppose it. 
but we know of no social problem that 
was ever remedied by passing a low 
against it 


“The Playboy Forum" offers the 
opportunity for an extended dialog 
between readers and editors of this 


publication on contemporary issues. Ad- 
dress all correspondence to The Playboy 
Forum, Playboy Building, 919 North 
Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. 


т TDK picked me, 
pi 


Stevie is a perfectionist through 
and through. He records every song 
track by track. Plays back each sec- 
tion countless times to check quality 
and performance. 

We feel we have a lot in com- 
mon with Stevie. Each TDK cassette 
has 250 components, assembled 
microscopic precision. There are 


1,117 check points for the shell alone. 


Quality deck manufacturers use TDK 
as a high bias reference. Rock and 
jazz enthusiasts pick normal bias AD 
for its hot high end and low noise. 
TDK is meant to be 
played everywhere in every 


Supplier to the U.S. Olympic Team 


-Stevie Wonder- 


conceivable machine. So it's tested in 
home, portable and car decks under 
extremes of heat, humidity and shock 


Look for TDK in bright new packages 


The Amazing Music Machine. 


cked them* 


It performs brilliantly. Which is why 
each TDK package has a full lifetime 
warranty.* 

Still, we didn't know what Stevie 
thought of TDK. Until we asked. It 
turns out he's been using our cassettes 
for years. “125 a little music machine 
that delivers the best sound, for its 
size, l've ever heard." We asked 
Stevie if he'd like to add anything to 
that. He did. And those are his words 
upon top. 

"In the unlikely event that any TDK cassette 
ever fails to perform due to a detect in materials 


or workmanship, simply return it to your local 
dealer orto TDK for a free replacement. 


©1980 TDK Electronics Corp., Garden City, N.Y. 11530 


PLAYBOY 


76 


A Reporter's Notebook 


TRAVELS WITH TEDDY 


the candidate? tenuous. 
the press? ingenuous. 
the campaign? strenuous 


By PETER ROSS RANGE 


What makes journalism so fas- 

cinating and biography so interest- 

ing is the struggle to answer that 

single question: “What’s he like?” 
—yor 


F. KENNEDY 


DON'T GET your hopes up. I don't know 
what Ted Kennedy is like and neither 
do you. It is as fundamental to him as 
his belief principles that you 
and I are not going to find out. Ted 
Kennedy. the hidden man. may be run 
ning for President: but he doesn't want 
to be your best friend. 

In 1976. Jimmy Carter loved us 
looked thousands of people 
and sent vili ns of Chri 
ity through his hand when he shook 
yours. His style is to win votes one 
hy one. a true he: 
paign based on letting the voter judge 
the man up close. He is notoriously 
ineffective speaking to large crowds. 

Ted Kennedy likes the big number 
he scems most comfortable in groups of 
about 2000, for they afford him some 
of the anonymity he has never had. He 
is nervous around strangers, so he keeps 
them at a distance. During campaign 
stops in 19 cities, I saw him kiss not 
one single person—intant, grandmoth- 
cr or anything in between. And those 
Kennedy can't keep at a physical dis- 
tance—such as reporters—he keeps at 
a psychological remove. Indeed, when 
in public, he seems to live at one те 
move from even himself, When I had 
occasion to meet his eyes during his 
campaign, I sometimes had the feeling 
he had curved vision, that he was 
ctually casting his eyesight around me 
at something behind; his gaze was al 
most never direct except in а Па 
shallow, polite way. His speech, too, is 
circumlocutionary. He seems shell- 
shocked from a lifetime of stardom. 
You cannot avoid the feeling that after 
the tragedies and bathos of his life, the 
real Ted Kennedy has retreated into a 
special private room inside himself. All 
you get are impressions, sketches. glints. 

. 

Boston, November 7, 1979: Faneuil 
Hall has been transformed into a mov- 
ie set. The Kennedy daque fils the 


rtcandaninds c: 


front 60 seats, while several hundred 
members of the media rise in 
round them like movie extras. Klieg 
lights and strobes streak the 18-foot 
painting of Daniel Webster deb: 
Robert Hayne in 1830. A cheer 
but not for Ted Kennedy; it is J 
Onassis who walks onstage like а figure 
out of а wax muscum. Another cheer 
Still not Ted but his mother, Rose, who 
at 89 tends to get standing ovations for 
merely showing up and smiling. Then 
a prolonged ovation: The star has ar- 
rived on the se 

Everybody stands to get а better 
look, and I spy some space (forget 
bout a scat; it’s space that's at a pre- 
mium) on a window ledge just above 
ihe press bleachers. T squeeze myself 
into my perch and discover I am di- 
rectly behind Hays Gorey of Time and 
Roger Mudd of GBS. It is only three 
days after Mudd's devastating interview 
with Kennedy, yet he seems strangely 
subdued today. 

Kennedy moves across the stage with 
the gingerly gait of a man treading on 
new ice, The brace he wea old 
back injury causes him to pitch slightly 
forward. He self-consciously places his 
light, thin-soled shoes one after the oth- 
er, as though something might give 
way beneath him. He scems to glide 
cross the floor. Following her hus- 
band is Joan Kennedy, who looks ap- 
palling. Her overrouged make-up is 
noticcable from 50 [cct away: if she 
werc a brunette with her hair in a bun, 
she would look like a Japanese kabuki 
Teddy, Jr., 18, is a husky, hand- 
some, lightly acned copy of his father 
who moves with remarkable agility and 
grace for a boy who lost most of one 
leg to cancer. Only giggly Kara, 20, and 
widecyed, freckled Patrick, 19, give 
this pitifully broken family a look of 
normalcy. I can't help wondering why 
Kennedy is doing this. 

‘And yet he has no choice. It is the his- 
torical imperative that he be President, 
or at least run. His father, were he still 
alive, would expect no less. And not to 
understand that Ted Kennedy is his 
father's son ік not to understand Ted 
Kennedy or anybody else in that fam- 


tiers 


dancei 


йу. Being a Kennedy is а whole busi- 
ness unto itself, a way of life, a 
corporation, a fully layered society with 
its own rules and expectations and 
order of things. Ted Kennedy has to 
run for President. 

After all, what else could he do? 
Except for one year as a Massachusetts 
assistant district attorney, the only job 
he has ever held is that of U.S. Senator. 
all indications, of course, he could 
stay in that job for the rest of his days. 
But he has been doing that for 17 years 
now and more is expected of him. IL 
he should someday no longer be a 
U.S. Senator, he would be effectively 
out of a job, as we in the normal world 
know it. In the Kennedy context, of 
that doesn't mean a thing. Just 
the business of being a Ken- 
nedy is full-time work by any standard. 
The family employs some of its mem- 
hers—notably, brother-in-law Stephen 
Smith, who is also this year's campaign 
manager—on a handsome lifetime basis 
just to count the coins and write the 
checks. Being a Kennedy, then. comes 
complete with its own fallback posi- 
tions. 

But it also comes complete with the 
legacy of Joe Kennedy's 
his sons. 
verybody sits down and Kennedy 
begins his speech, saying he w 
be "in the thick of the action 
elaborating on the "need Гог 
" With lines echoing those of his 
ers John and Robert, it is a set 
piece designed to rekindle the Camelot 

c a classroom 
tion. He reads it almost without 
pauses, rarely looking up and never 
smiling. There is something bloodless 
about the whole exercise. Even the on 
cue explosions of applause from the 
family scem almost reh 
dosest thing to spontane: 
tion of the crowd of about 700 people 
gathered in Quincy Market outdoors 
They get the speech over loudspeakers 
a split second late, so their reactions 
are slightly out of sync with those in- 
doors. Inside Fancuil Hall, I feel more 
like I'm on a controlled movie set than 
at a political rally. The ultimate media 
creature, Ted Kennedy, has begun his 
campaign. 


mbitions for 


leader- 


brot 


spirit, but it sounds 1 


re 


. 

Before the end of its first day, the 
Kennedy juggernaut as seen from the 
back of the plane, where the traveling 
press lives, is a tunnel with no light at 
the end. A full year before general 
а Presidential campaign 
going full throttle, with two chartered 
Boeing 727s. 115 reporters, a double 
order of Secret Service men—and al- 
Most no access to the candidate. In 


а is worse 
On bosd th nc. Ted and 
foam are standing Felore паке n ат 
dividing first from 
Joan looks better up c'e bet 
s jitery—and endeari 
ау a nervous rabbit, Kennedy and 1 
eve cach other for a moment. then 
shake hands. He is uncommonly hand 
some and bigger than 1 expected. His 
jaw line must set some kind of record 
Tor width. and his face is a remarkably 
true copy of his mother's. Yet for all 
his good looks, Kennedy appears older 
than his 47 years. His ruddy skin looks 
loose and. up Close. given to pallor: it 
hangs а bit around his collar. He ар 
parently shares the family tendency to 
rapid skim aging from sailing and 
skiing. Last summer. a small skin can- 
cer. thought to he due primarily t 
exposure. was removed from his chest 
The Secret Service obviously did not 
know that when it code-named him 
Sunburn 

1 renim to my seat feeling that there 
is a quality of 1 
the last thing I expected in a person of 
such hearty, bluff «d looks, 
J ne before t 
She managed her 


the curtain 


coach, 
still secins 


sun 


gility about the ma 


n. 


rance 


an leaves the pl 


cameo appe 
ted herself well 
question before. ihe 


e and eve 


ently is not yet 
Ten 
comes along 


cameras. But she арр 


n nail 


ready 


the campa 
Smith. Kennedy's sister 


instead as a 


surrogate wife. (On other 


days, we get other sisters and other kids.) 

Prior to this first day's trip to Chi 
cago. were off to Manchester. New 
Hampshire. and Portland. Maine. This 
is sh 


kedown time for the boys and 


girls who. in varying combinations, will 


be living with one another for many 


ol the coming 12 months. Friendships 


we struck. cliques аге formed. insults 
hyilims of di 
the monster of a modern media са 
1 shed. Hr is a bit like the 


first day of camp 


ing with 


exchanged. the 


ign estal 


. 

We drop down in New Hampshire 
ind Maine like an invading army. We 
are surrounded by all manner of sex. 
rity. The Secret Service people are the 
ones with wires in their cars and litle 
Hesh-colored microphones inside their 
coat sleeves. They have blow-dried razor 
cats and dress alike in sleek three-piece 
suits. Their gray Samsonite briefcases 
comain Isracliamade Uzi submachine 
One kuch on the briefe: 
always seems to be open. They all ap 
pear to have gone to darting-eye school 

Kennedy hacks his way through his 
first speech. No matter how good the 
sound system, Kennedy has only one 


es 


guns. 


Iso gives 


speaking style: very loud, He 


1 become 


us his first dose of wh: 


famously fractured prose. referring to 
New Hampshires United Sunes Ser 
tor John Durkin as a “United Senat 
А bit later, there is a “walki 
n event staged for the TV c 
show the candidate actually pressing 
the flesh. In fact, it is a walking farce 
The security. blanket 
ng th 
ch the ropes restraining the 
Alier a few attempts to shake 
ves up and simply walks on 
We board the plane for the two-hour 


neras to. 


(dE media mob. 


are so overwhelm Kennedy can 


barely re 


crowds 


hands, he gi 


Embarking has be 


et Service men ev 


light to Chicago. 


come a ritual. Sec 


y 
where. Front and rear doors o the 
plane are open. Kennedy and май 
ugh the front door into first class 
Press through the back door, ser 
bling for seats. TV crews dive for seats 
n 


est the rear. positioning themselves 


for the quickest possible exit when we 
land. God forbid Kennedy should 
stumble down the ramp without à cam- 
era ready to tape it. Not that the TV 
correspondents themselves go for. the 


back seats; they send a producer ahead 
who immediately reserves rows of seats 
by slapping ABC. CDS or NBC stickers 
the headrests. Brutal 

vint reporters, who like to talk pol 
ities. sit Closer to the firstclass section. 
in case the candidate decides to go 
slumming to the back of the plane, Il 
also keeps us near the beer source. Sure 
Kennedy walks 
to the back of the plane and is immedi 
tely surrounded hy brandished micro 
jones and c 


enough. once airborne, 


merits, 

To escape the pandemonium, I amble 
into first class amd spot Mayor J 
Byrne of Chicago siting alone. she 


nc 


77 


» 
o 
m 
м 
= 
“ 
Bu 


78 


endorsed Kennedy a iew weeks before 
and has decided to lead his grand en- 
trance into Chicago. I ask her why she 
abandoned Carter in favor of Kennedy. 
When I mention that | am а reporter 
from PLAYBOY, her response is sharp and 
candid: “I think Jimmy Carter is begin- 
ning to believe what he said іп his 
Playboy Interview, The last time he 
came to Chicago, һе kept kissing people 
all day long. When he kissed me. he said. 
"Now you see why I sent Rosalynn home 
early” He's just so corny!” 
А 

Chicago, November 8: We get off to а 
utal early-morning start that is to be- 
come typical of the campaign. We're 
headed for the Copernicus Senior Citi 
zens Center near the Maryla Polonitise 
Restaurant and Slowik's parking lot. 
This is Kennedy's ritual. ethnic stop. In 
Chicago, that means Polish. The place 
is packed at eight л.м. lor сойес, dough- 
nuts and Kennedy. The pitch, of course, 
is health care, As he starts his speech, he 
makes his fist stumble, asking every- 
опе over 80 to “please stand.” Many of 


them сап barely stand. and giggle 
nervously. 

Already there is a disembodied quality 
of to the campaign that re 
sembles life in а series of time capsules. 
Outside, on the sidewalk, columnist 
Munay Kempton keeps us amused with 

1 g commentary, He is cu 


nudgcon laureate to the nation. “Last 
night,” he laughs, “L inadvertently wrote 
Mary Jo Copernicus Senior Citizens 
ter on my schedule—1 swear 1 did." 
Kennedy emerges after the speech to 
first hecklers of the campaign: six 
the Communist Workers 
Party holding banners and chanting. All 
the press except the TV pool, which із 
supposed to record his every step (in 
case of you-know-what), has boarded the 
buses when, out of nowhere, an egg sails 
through the air and hits Kennedy on the 
shoulder. It breaks on the ground and 
there is a moment of uncertainty fol- 
lowed by gallows humor: Reporters un- 
sure of how many eggs have been thrown 
debate the Second-Egg Theory. 
. 

Jorman, Oklahoma, November 
The entire airport fire department 
nd a car—flanks the runwa 
onvoy to the University 
mpus is more elaborate 
coming parade. Everywhe 
are blocked off and еп- 
blocks are cordoned for Kennedy 
and his entourage. We are wrapped 
in a security blanket that also gives our 
olling sna show the aura of great 
celebrity: police cars front and rear, 
spiffy motorcycles with flashing blue 
lights racing up and down our flanks 
to head off normal mortals who would. 


hi 
members of 


three trucks 


nip at our ioins (though they really 
want only to get home belore rush hour), 
stake-outs on every bridge and overpass. 
On one day, а helicopter monitors our 
daylong motorcade trail across the roll 
ing Iowa winterscape from about 1000 
feet up and one mile off our port quar- 
ter. You eventually get the feeling of true 
invincibilit in the press 
corps say they have never seen anything 
like this so early in a campaign. It's as il 
Kennedy were already President. (Some, 
includi 

been slipping up and referring to the 
Senator as "President Kennedy.) 

Kennedy is obviously in his clement 
on college campuses. In fact, he seems 
most comfortable around very young or 
very old people. As the introductions 
are made belore this Oklahoma college 
crowd, he asks sister Jean Smith to 
step forward for a bow. As the ap- 
plause builds, he shouts, “That'll be 
enough for Jean now!" which has the 
ring of the old patriarch Joe Kennedy 
presiding over a boisterous dinner table 
with his numerous offspring. His speech 
this afternoon is better than any the 
day before, but he is running through it 
too fast. He is not reading it, which 
gives him more flow, better diction and 
some power. But he still runs right past 
lines. Kennedy docs not 
t of the judicious 
s some fire in his voice 
on John Kennedy’s be- 
loved “Ask what you can do for your 
country” line, he says, "The real chal- 
lenge [or young pcople is to give some 
thing back to America for all it has given 
you." They love it. 

. 

Nashville, Tennessee, November 8: 
This is the Imperial Candidacy as it was 
meant to be. It is already dark when we 
reach Music. City, which is what makes 
it so spectacular. The Nashville police 
rtment is a bikers’ heaven: Rather 
heavy Harleys or those broad- 
med Kawasaki 1000 Police Specials, 
these шеп of the boot have laid in a 
fleet of screaming fast Suzuki 750Es. On 
a narrower line than the usual police 
bikes, they are outrageously k 


g people close wo Carter, have 


his applaus 


derstand tlie 


pause, yet th 


and flashing blues front . nine 
brace of these bikes lead us up the fre 
ways of the Cumber! 
down into the bowl of Nashville. It isa 
ght to behold. I am reminded of the 
y the French president travels or the 
way they take visiting African dictators 
on state visits into the Elysées Palace in 
Paris, behind a phalanx of whitegloved 
motorcycle cops on gleaming BMWs. 

At the hotel, the press is guided to the 
wrong placc—it's someone's diamond- 
е reception. The only release 


“ 


and-crm 


for weary reporters is to send up а chorus 
of crazed oinks, moos and baas. 
Kennedy's entourage includes every- 
thing a prince who would be king 
might need: a personal photographer: an 
aide perpetually at his ear, whispering 
names, figures and directions: a press 
secretary to explain what the candidate 
meant to say: a special h trau 
ining: a physician who is an ех 
pert on national h 


rse wi 


та 


who ako carries around a special black 
bag for emergencies. (“Our prey 
are no different from those for the Presi 
dent when he travels" says Dr. Stuart 
Shapiro in an attempt to convince me 
his presence on the campaign tail is 
nothing to write about.) 

The only thing missing isa food taster. 

At the predominantly black Meharry 
Medical College, Kennedy wows the 
crowd of administrators, students and 
townspeople. Speaking forcefully, he does 
not notice his left coat sleeve 1 ped 
at the shoulder seam. His left 
unadorned since his wife moved away 
from their home two years ago, bears a 
Band-Aid, His voice is hoarse 

“Lord, child, get that man a drink of 
water 


ations 


This is the command of a robust 
black woman who hears Kennedy’s rasp. 
She is pure South, pure soul, pure black. 
A good omen, perhaps, in the black 
South, which voted 92 percent for Carter 
in 1976. 


. 

Nashville, November 9: At а break 
fast meeting of ca y leaders, Ke 
nedy lays on a few bloopers that leave 
people wonder: bout him. Intro- 
duced by Dr. Walter Leonard, the dig- 
nied black president of Fisk University, 
Kennedy begins by thanking “Dr. Leon 
d Fisk.” Then he announces, "I come 
here to ask your hope." Finally, refer- 
ring to our hardy ancestors, he intones, 
“We rolled up our sleeves. our fathers 
and our mothers.” He means our folks 
rolled up their sleeves. 

Next stop. the Country Music Hall of 
Fame. Kennedy's brow furrows when he 
has to adopt his feigned-interest pose. 
especially when guided through alumi- 
num-can factories, corn-dfecd operations, 


cattle yards, truck depots—or country: 
music 


s. Does Kennedy like 
ic his press secretary Tom 
is asked. "Oh, he 
four hours’ а day.” Such as what? 
Southwick grins and glances up at the 
st name, “Mainly Tammy Wynette 
But only at home. 

His speech at Vanderbilt University is 
another success, where he coyly remarks 
that he attended Harvard, “the Vander- 
bilt of the North.” The kids 
when, taking questions, he refuses to be 
pinned down on marijuana, the 
these essentially well-heeled upper-class 


mu 


stens to 


ne 


re let down 


issue 


10 AGAINST ONE. 


THE MAGIC OF CLARION'S NEW MAGI-TUNE OUTWEIGHS 
TEN LEADING CAR STEREOS IN SAN FRANCISCO CHALLENGE. 


The San Francisco 
area may be a visual delight 
but it’s a nightmare for car 
stereo reception. 

That’s why Clarion 
chose it to test our magical 
Magi-Tune ЕМ against ten 
of the best car stereos made. 

We asked ten leading 
Bay Area dealers to choose 
what each considered to be 
his best FM carstereo. Using 


speakers and the same 
power supply, we drove 
around and had each expert 


listen, then weigh the quality [7 


of Magi-Tunes performance № 
against his own choice. 

Now taking on ten ©] 
the best may sound foolish 
so before we give you the re- 
sults, heres our reason why: 

Let's start with the Magi- 
Tune Signal Activated Stereo 
Control. The all new SASC circuit X 
significantly reduces noise by auto- | 
matically and smoothly adjusting 
the degree of stereo separation to 
the optimum point while still main- 
taining stereo imaging. 

Put simply, in weak signal 
areas the familiar switching noise 
between stereo and mono 16 virtually 
eliminated. 

Next, Magi-Tune has Dual 
Gate MOS FET Front End. In strong 
signal areas, where there are several 
strong stations, FM signals can 


become "mixed" causing interference 
noise which degrades the reception 
uality. Magi-Tune FM utilizes two 
ual Gate MOS FETs. One in RF 
Amp and one in Mixer, to greatly im- 
prove RF Intermodulation distortion. 
Strong signal areas also experi- 
ence another phenomenon — jumping. 
That's where adjacent or alternate 
channels interfere with the station 
youre listening to. Magi-Tune utilizes 
a narrow band filter to minimize the 
jumping effect. This improves selec- 
tivity and also permits the design of a 
more sensitive tuner section. Result- 
ing in a superior performing design. 
Finally, theres the Pin Diode. 
Our Clarion engineers have designed 
a new LO/DX Circuit using a Pin 
Diode. What it does is expand the 
usable range of FM 
reception in strong 
signal areas to greatly 
reduce interference 
noise 
Now with all that 
going for us we knew it was 
2 really no contest. Clarion's 
2 Magi-Tune won hands down. 
Out of ten tests we got nine 
wins and one tie: It was so one- 
sided it almost seemed unfair. 
Clarion's new Magi-Tune FM. 
Theres a small difference. Like 
between night and day. 


"PANASONIC CO 8520 EU 


Clarion 


QUALITY FOR THE MAGIC IN MUSIC. 


PLAYBOY 


80 


kids from the South seem to care most 


strongly about. 
. 


South Miami, November 9: Nincty- 
one degrees. The retirees like Kennedy. 
They don't like Carter. A helicopter 
with pontoons patrols the royal palms. 
A black kid across the street is selling 
KENNEDY IN '80 T-shirts. 
old many? 

Yeah. No. About two.” 

“You working for the campaign? 

“Naw. I'm working for Marty Gold- 
stein, 


. 
At the airport in. Miami, waiting to 
board our plane, we have a little time to 
Kill around two small tables. Kennedy 
comes over for a chat with us, but the 
ТҮ people pounce into action with their 
long mikes and minicameras. Since the 
electronic boys are taking it all down, 
the print people are forced to whip out 
their notebooks and cassette recorders. 
A couple of times, Kennedy tries to 
break the mood and become informal. 
"Cahn't we just go over heah and have a 
Coke?" he asks twice. It's not to be. 

On the phone to Washington, one re- 
port friend: 

“So how do you think he's doing?” 

“Teddy? Oh, terrible. Can't seem to 
say his own name right. Awful.” 

"Awful? 

T mean terrific. What E mean із, he's 
doing terrible to me, to us, the press. 
With the people, he's doing great.” 

. 

Kennedy often refers to himself in the 
plural He speaks of "our candidacy" 
and says. "We've spoken out on m: 
occasions. . . ." АП 
ns do that to some extent, but with 
Kennedy, it goes further, occurs morc 
often. Constantly surrounded as he is by 
an elaborate support system, with knowl- 
edgeable aides rarely more than a few 
feet away, it is easy to sce how he would 
come to think of himself in the collec 
tive. All his life has been a group effort. 
Kennedy is a man whose ear gets wh 
pered into a lot. His Presidency would 
no doubt be very collegial. 

. 

Charlesion, South Carolina, 
9: "We want Ted! We want 
not a cluster of supporters but Ke 
himself who starts the chant at a Young 
Democrats rally Charleston. It is an 
attempt at humor but doesn't 
dampen the cowd’s enthusiasm. His 
speech is about criminal justice and he 
inverts a couple of sentences and blows 
the punch line. 

Our dinner on the homeward flight is 
United Airlines’ idea of a 
sandwich: soggy on the outside and fro- 
zen in the middle. TV technicians in the 
back leave United a message by using 


responds to 


vember 


awkw: 


roast-bcef 


their beloved gaffer's tape to secure a 
dozen sandwiches to the bulkheads, ceil- 
ings and windows. It is not for nothing 
that when a separate plane is laid on for 
the technical types (a.k.a. the Visigoths), 
lled the Zoo Plane. 
б 

Davenport, Iowa, November 12: Rose 
Kennedy stands up to make a rare polit- 
ical speech. Kennedy is a changed man. 
As his mother simply asks the crowd to 
"help my ninth child," he sits forward 
on the edge of his chair and his tongue 
scems to click up and down inside his 
open mouth. He is so happy he cannot 
sit still and swivels around to see other 
people's reactions. He is a boy whose 
mother has come to the recital. 

Outside the auditorium of St. Am- 
brose College in Davenport. 1 ask some 


young students whether or not Cl 


paquiddick is an issue with them, "Don't 
be a critic . - . of Chappaquiddick,” re- 
plies one coed. “Were not voting for 
him because of the past. We're voting for 
him because of wh 

Don't be a cr 
Madison Avenue couldn't have done bet- 
ter. To the Pepsi-and.Quasludes genera- 
i dick is ancient history. 
tholic youth for Kennedy. 

. 

Newton, Iowa, November 1 At a 
United Auto Workers rally, Kennedy 
pulls yet another boner, referring to 
lowa's “fam farmliez" (farm families) 
without noticing it. His difficulties with 
ending sentences or even speaking coher- 
ently off the cuff seem to become more 
pronounced. 

During a visit to a nearby farm, Ken- 
nedy's new surrogate, his sister Eunice 
Shriver, catches a chicken and Ted ac- 
cepts a huge black homemade sausage. At 
the cowpen, he moos at a beast ankle- 
deep in mud: the cow moos hack. But in 
the interests of accuracy. 1 should state 
that the cow was rehearsed by reporters 
who mooed loudly, singly and in unison, 
before the candidate arrived. 

A 

As in any movie, there are costume 
nges to match the sets. One frost- 
morning begins with a visit 
to a corn farm. Kennedy hits the trail 
decked out in a tan corduroy jacket and 
unscuffed work boots. The visit ends 

he ritual trip to the il 
for homemade cookies. 
press is kept waiting outside. Fir 
Kennedy emerges, like Clark Kent. re- 
splendent in his basic superman out 
pinstriped blue suit that bulges slightly 
at the chest, soft blue shirt and m 
silk tic, black dress shoes. He is we: 
his tiny gold Cartier watch. Te 
though а continuity girl were along with 
a trunkload of costumes. 

. 

Kennedy is consistently inconsist 

AU а noontime assembly at lib 


Ik up С. 


itching 
ing 
as 


Grinnell College, he gives a thundering 
speech that has them cheering to the 
gym rafters. But in the Q. and A.. he 
waffles and rambles and seve 
later accuse him of being vague 
days Kennedy blows the speech but 
them up with humorous and е 
responses during the question period. 
Someümes he chops wood and other 
times he spins silk. You never know what 
10 expect. 


б 

After а few, uh, days, uh, а day the 
first week, on the, ah, road. campaign 
trail with Ted, uh, the candi— Гей uh 
Kennedy, I uh . . . find my—L start 
talking, I notice myself, uh, speakin 
that is, just like, uh, him. 

. 

I am standing beside the only рау 
phone 
plant in Riverdale, Iowa, patiently await- 
ing my turn. The phone is presently 
the possession of a short, fast-talking bru 
nette woman with a New York accent 
and about $2000 worth of communica 
tions gear hanging around her neck, in- 
cluding a walkie-talkie that lets her speak 
from one airplane to another and a litle 
beltmodel radio scanner with a series of 
blinking lights that lets her hear through 
an carplug what the Secret Service agents 
are saying to one another. She is from 
televi 8 Mars. 

Yeah! This is Sally from NBC! Yeah! 
How are you? Yeah! ОК. What we need 
to know is, should we charter out of 
Duluth or out of Cedar Rapids? You 
know, last time, we arrived late. We 
gotta send film for the Night 

It is unclear whether the airplane this 
lady is in the process of renting will 
сату human beings or only video tape. 
Decisions, decisions. 

Somehow. she gets her plane chartered 
and relinquishes the phone. 1 have to 
borrow a dime from to get an 


television, is 
ng to behold, and very 


ing. The network news that 


1 


e is Slar Wars. In 
21 hope the 
networks fight it. Communications is the 
secret of great strategy and the networks 
have got it. God knows, the 4 
hasn't. Or the Navy or the M 
Look at the 
Christ's sake, where Gerald Ford 
Henry Kissinger with the greatest т 
tary communications network in the 
world managed to get 18 of our boys 
killed by having them attack a deserted 
island and then go down in their own 
helicopter crash after the Mayaguez crew 
had all been released. Or the Son Tay 
raid on a prison 
other disaster. Our people tried ап сапу 


sce from time to ti 
it ever comes to w 


version of Entebbe, only to find no 
Americans at home but some empty bar- 
racks instead. All reportedly because a 
ncy radio was 
missing from the communications plane 
ling overhead and the proper intelli 
се could not be radioed to the squad 
on the invading party on the ground. By 
snafu (“situation normal, all fucked 
up”), the radio had wound up in some 
other part of Vietnam. 

In the event of war, wish yoursell NBC 
or an Israeli rescue squad commanded. 
by MOSSAD. 


. 

En route to Washington, midnight, 
November 14: This is the tiredest every- 
as been. A killer schedule. Вар; 
aveled 


around Minneso 


е mood, walks 
Over 


Kennedy, in 
k to ou 


section of the p 


Kennedy’s “ 
Everyone, ıg Kennedy, laugh: 
Someone cracks a raunchy line about the 
large black sausage he was given. 

“That рілувоү you're talking t 
Rick?" Kennedy jokes as he sits on the 
arm of my seat. "He's writing all this 
stuff down about you guys, you know 
that? Boy, has that guy got a story!" 
Kennedy is plaving оп the persistent 
plane-hoard rumor that I am doing a 
piece on the press rather than on the 
campaign 

A TV correspondent begins to quiz 
Kennedy good-naturedly about his knowl- 
edge of lore. He answers most of 
the questions but is stumped by onc. 

"WI ser he asks, break- 
ing everyone up. 

“Different strokes for different folks.” 
shouts The New York Times. 

“Did you get that, pLaynoy?” Kennedy 
теў 
No surprise that. Kennedy should de 
glit in the idea of an article more about 
the media than about himself. He has 
not been faring well in the press, es 
pecially in long interviews. One of his 
ides told me Kennedy has a rule “not 
to give personal interviews to publi 
tions his mo can't read, and his 
mother can't read PLAYBOY.” Rose Ken- 
nedy was born in 1890. 

б 

"ashinglon, November 27: Іп Com- 
gress, Kennedy seems very much at home. 
He moves through the halls of the Senate 
with a click to his step, presides over a 
committee hearing with the firmness of 
impatient. schoolmaster, lights up а 
large Montecristo without reservation 
before the TV lights. Suiding across 
the echoing marble floors of the Capitol, 
he and his phalanx of SS men sometimes 
fall into an unintentional lock step that. 


a wo 


s. 


sounds from around the corner like Hol- 
Iywood sound effects for an executioner's 
ng down on death row. The 


sts squeal, “Its him. 


autographs without breaking stride or 
looking up. 
. 

Phoenix, Arizona, November 20: Fol- 
lowing tonight's speech to a dinner of 
1700 people, at which Congressman Mo 
Udall's wry wit nearly steals the show, 
Kennedy shows his true colors. Little 
bootshaped plastic whistles have been 
passed out as party favors. During din- 
ner, some members of the press corps 
have contrived to play Hail to the Chief 
оп the whistles. As Kennedy leaves the 
hall surrounded by the usual mob of 
TV cameramen and 
let-me- touch-him-once well-wishers. а 
chorus of five whistlers strikes up the 
tune. Kennedy's ears prick, his eyes light 
up and his head swivels to find the source 
of the devilment. Laughing boisterously, 
he moves with his entire е ge to the 
ropes setting off the “press pen" and 
says, “You guys Un 
seems to me that deep do ‘Ted Ken- 
nedy is just a rowdy Irishman who would 
rather be having fun than running for 
President. 1 wonder he sometimes 
wonders how he got into the rich тап- 
public servant-national idol bullshit. 

. 

Los Angeles, November 30: In the city 
where Robert Kennedy was killed, secu- 
rity is heavily increased. For the first 
time, even the press undergoes body 
frisks as we s through the back cor- 
vidors to the banquet hall at the recently 
opened. Bonaventure Hotel. Suddenly. I 
sense the re: edy. too, will pass 
through these corridors adjacent to the 
kitchen, h 
id men 


Secret. Service men 


ton: 


22 Fm speechless! 


ways lined with food carts 


lack bow ties speaking 
mostly Span Jeez,” says writer Dick 
Schaap. after we pass through, “I won- 
der if Kennedy got the same creepy 
feeling there that I did." 

At Los Angeles airport, а 
search, handbag checks, photographers 
unscrewing lenses. Dogs on the tarm 
we move toward the ramp. On the 
port rooftop, not just the u: 
with binoculars but other men stooped 
in the take-cover position behind ай- 
conditioning units and assorted abut- 
ments. I don't want to know what they 
are pointing at us. 

. 

San Francisco, December 2: For several 
weeks, Kennedy has abided by Carters 
request of all candidates to retrain from 
commenting on the hostages being held 
in Iran. The situation has been helping 
Carter in the polls, and it must have 
been frustwating to Kennedy. Tonight. 
h nothing on the candidate's schedule, 


other body 


саз 


the national press heavies have escaped 
the boredom of the campaign to dine on 
San Francisco's seafood delicacies. This is 
also the night Kennedy decides to give a 
spur-ol-the-moment. interview to a local 
ТУ reporter. And he comments, for thc 
t time. on Iran. 

Late at night, in a motel room. Ken- 
nedy is prodded several times by the 
reporter to say something about the 
shah. He finally without any 
national reporters present!—that the 
shah's was "one of the most violent re- 
gimes in the history of mankind." 

When the news breaks 
ing, Kennedy and the press do not know 
what hit them. Phones begin ringing at 


serts 


1:30 ам. (it is 7:30 in Washington), with 
frantic editors wanting to know if he 


really said it. 

When he finally comes down to meet 
with us, Kennedy attempts to “da d 
his remarks of the night before. He is 
dearly irritated and wies to make a 
distinction between being against the 
nd supporting ellorts to free the 
ges honorably. But the damage is 
done. Exerybody files stories, 
wonder if it is the beginning of the end 
of Ted Kennedy's Pi 


shah 


hosta 


. 
Washington, December 3:11 
AM. when we land at Dulles Airport. 


is two 


Kennedy speeds off to his home in near- 
by McLean, Virginia, and an exhausted, 
ess corps starts а football 
round United's  baggage-caim 
ng the rubber conveyor belt 
ss receive 
spirited as it might be. Although. Ken 
nedy has tried repeatedly aboard the 
plane home to defend his stand on Iran. 
everyone knows that the candidate we've 
been travelin 
managed to blow off one of his politi 
big toes in a single shot. 
. 

Washington, December 4: Litle rest. 
We're up this morning to cover Ken- 
nedy's speech to a troublesome constitu- 
ency The subject of 
Kennedy's extracurriculs 
become а hot topic a 
with the publication of articles showing 
that women resent Kennedy’s atti 
and behavior, despite his strong commit- 


activist. women. 


ides 


ment to their cai 

Four hundred women from 120 organi- 
zations ha thered at the Shoreham 
Hotel. Today, sisterindaw Ethel is the 
wilely surrogate, And Kennedy surprises 
us again. He is in fine voice, both the 
rhythm and the words finding the right 
{eel of the room and its audi In- 
evitably, he garbles his text at least once, 
quoting from Martin Luther Ki 
in his “Letter from а Birmingham J 
(in Ted's words, “Injustice anywhere 
injustice anywhere”), but he m 


81 


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set "arm families" right twice. ("By 


George. he got it!” whispers one reporter 
with a Henry Higgins lilt.) 


. 
Twenty blocks away from the Shore 
ham. and onc hour later, the baule is 


The mood 
at the White House is downright festive. 
Carter's aides know that Kennedy has 
laid a big one on Iran, and on this very 
day that Carter will announce his reelec 
tion bid, that the hostage crisis has Ниса 
the President's ratings іп the polls to 
within two points of Kennedy's. Scores of 
jubilant White House staffers are crowd- 
ed with the press ilable 
cranny of the stately E n which is 
ted on this sunny 
deliers 

amy trides to the podiu 
with members of his family: Rosalynn. 
his real wife (though perhaps a surrogate 
President): Miss Lillian. the homespun 
жізсасге whose overstatements are [or 
given by the nation: his children, With 
Billy Carter safely out of view. it strikes 
me that this family. in comparison with 
Kennedy’s a month earlier. is robust and 
healthy 

When the applause dies down. € 
steps up and whispers—whispers—into 
microphone: “Thank 
much." E can barely h 
begins. “I speak to yoi 
time. . After nearly à 
Kennedy's booming tones, it is al 
to hear the fragile cadences in 
king The speech 
isell. though low-key because of the 
hostages in Iran. is nonetheless so ma 
rial and small of vision that I am 
brought back to Kennedy's ringing call 
for strong leadership. 

After the speech. Carter walks by the 
section in which 1 am standing and 
shakes my hand. I had forgotten. how 
small a man he is. how delicate his hands 
are. He is a serious man, and а serene 
one. If Ted Kennedy can only work the 
large crowds. Jimmy Carter makes а vir 
tuc of being so personal that he lacks the 


about to be officially joined. 


ay 


fall day by three 


pus crystal ch 


Carter 


n 


er 


the you very 


him as he 


at a somber 


month of 


ost 


spea 


voice 


ability to reach out and touch us as a 
tion. One man is outsized. the T 
smaller than life. One а rowdy, the other 
reader. One hyperbolic. the other un 


iden the roller 
hom deep 


derstated. Yet each has r 


coaster of public opinio 
lows to exultant highs 
When 1 left the Kennedy campaign 


there was evidence that it was unravel 


ing. And yet even on this jubilant day 
for the Carter people. clection-campaign 
chief Robert Strauss is talking to report 
ers on the White House steps. “No.” he 
1 don't underestimate Presi 
Senator. Ken 


is saying. 
dent Kennedy—uh, uli. 


nedy, but... . 


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3M 83 


BLACK VELVET BLENDED CANADIAN WHISKY Вл PROOF IMPORTED BYE 


1380 HEUBLEIN GING u HARTFORD. CONN, 


sano mewe LINDA RONSTADT 


a candid conversation with the first lady of rock about her music, 
her colorful past, her new image and her "boyfriend," jerry brown 


Thursday is talent night at the Palo- 
mino Club in North Hollywood. Young 
girl after young girl (and some not so 
young) makes her way to the small 
stage, clutches the m takes a deep 
breath, closes her eyes and sings: “Des- 
perado," "Love Has No Pride,” “Blue 
Bayou," “When Will 1 Be Loved,” 
“You're No Good." They all sing her 
songs precisely—every lick, each tiny in- 
flection—just the way she does. These 
girls have hooked their dreams onto her 
music. And it's likely the same thing is 
happening at talent nights and hoote- 
nannies from Seattle 10 Boston. 

Linda Ronstadt is probably the most 
successful woman singer of the Seventies. 
Cash Box named her the top female pop 
singer of the decade; she may be the 
most popular ever. Her concerts sell out 
within hows of being announced and 
she has had four records go platinum. To 
many, Ronstadt epitomizes nol just the 
Southern California sound but the Sev- 
еппез as well. Her music, as the decade, 
is random and eclectic. Ronstadt is an 
interpreter. Rarely does she write her 
own songs or play an instrument. She 
merely sings. And her voice, technically 


“I love flirting. Ht doesn’t have to be an 
ongoing sexual thing. If there is some- 
опе around 1 can flirt with before 1 go 
onstage, my shows ате always better. 105 
а good way of priming the pump." 


soprano, seems capable of anything. 

She has sung almost every form of mu- 
sic except, perhaps, hard-core disco— 
and succeeded. She reaches way back for 
standards such as “Old Paint” and "I 
Never Will Marry" and sings them with 
innocence. She lunges ahead into the 
risky territory of punk and knocks out a 
haunting version of Elvis Costello's 
“Alison.” She belts out love songs like 
Loose Again” and “Down So Low” with 
the authority of someone who has seen 
and done it all. She sings Mexican, Mo- 
town, reggae—and. the girl can rock "n 
roll. And when she sings a country tune 
such as “I Can't Help It (if Pm Stll in 
Love with You).” there is no doubt that 
Ronstadt has something for everyone. 

She was born in Tucson, one of four 
children, іп 1946. Her English-Dutch- 
German mother (whose father invented 
such things as the electric stove, rubber 
ice Days, the grease gun) grew up in 
Michigan. Her Mexican-English-German 
father, who runs а successful hardware 
store, is from an old Arizona ranching 
family. At four, Ronstadt’s father, who 
loved to sing, pronounced his daughter 
a soprano, and that was il. From that 


“There's no way for me to stay neutral 
оп Jerry's. Presidential race. Hf. I won't 
support him, and I know him best, il 
looks like an attack. I'd like him to be able 
to speak his ideas. They ave important.” 


moment, Linda wanted to be a singer. 
She became addicted to the radio, mem- 


orizing every song she heard. Music 
dominated her life 
She attended Catholic schools and her 


penchant for flouting tradition (a пай 
she picked up from her maternal grand- 
mother) surfaced early оп. She teased 
the young priests, exasperated the nuns 
and wore black pants under her white 
debutante dress when she made her for- 
mal bow to society. Ronstadt managed 
to stick il out for one semester at the 
University of Arizona before hitting the 
roud іп 1964. Her worried father slipped 
his daughter $30 and told her never to 
let anyone take her picture without her 
clothes—probably the only advice Коп- 
stadt has ever heeded. 

Arriving іп L-A., she hooked up with 
Bob Kimmel and Kenny Edwards and 
formed the Stone Poneys, which was basi- 
cally a folk [country band that played Іс- 
cal gigs at places such as the Troubadour 
and the Palomino. The group eventually 
signed with Capitol Records and released 
three albums. The band had one hit, 
"Different Drum." In 1969, Ronstadt 
struck out on her own and released her 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY LARRY L, LOGAN 
“The real hard rock-'n’-rollers are dead. 
The ones who survived paced them- 
selves. Yes, I am intense and, yes, I lake 
chances and, yes, I push it to the limit— 
but there isa limi 


85 


PLAYBOY 


86 


first solo album, “Hand Sown, Home 
Grown." Her second album, “Silk Purse,” 
was released іп 1970 and included her 
first hit, “Long, Long Time"; it also 
earned her her first Grammy nomination. 

In 1971, she released her third solo 
album, “Linda Ronstadt.” and formed a 
new band, which included Glenn Frey 
and Don Henley, who later formed a 
band of their own, The Eagles. In 1973, 
“Don't Cry Now" was released. By that 
time, Ronstadt had a cult following. pull. 
ing her fans not only from the country 
ranks but from pop and rock as well. 

Bul it was in 1971, when she teamed 
up with Petey 


Asher, who became her 
manager and producer, that Ronstadt 
off. She released “Heart Like a 
The single fram that album, 
No Good," sprinted up the 
charts to number one. Her cover. of 
Hank Williams’ “I Can't Help It (if I'm 
SUH in Love with You)" also from 
“Heart Like a Wheel,” Ronstadt 
her first Grammy award for best female 
country vocal. 

“Prisoner in Disguise” came nest and 
was followed, in 1976, by “Hasten Down 
the Wind" and “Linda Ronstadt’s Great- 
est Hits.” and Ronstadt won another 
Grammy, this time for best female pop 
vocal performance. The Playboy Music 
Poll named her the lap female singer in 
both pop and country categories. 

There was no stopping her. The nest 
year, she released “Simple Dreams,” 
which some critics still call her best 
work. The album produced five hit 
singles, including her alltime biggest 
single, “Blue Bayou." “Simple Dreams" 
was also Ronstadt's best-selling album— 
т 3,500,000 copies in less than a year 
in the United States alone. And vraynoy 
again named hey the top female singer 
іп both рор and country categorie: 

“Living in the USA" hit the stores 
іп 1978 with an initial shipment of more 
than 2,000,000 copies. That album fur- 
ther demonstrated Ronstadt's versatility 
and growth. She sang the Hammerstein! 
Romberg tune “When 1 Grow Too Old 
to Dream,” covered Smokey Robinson's 
“Ооо, Baby, Baby.” Chuck Berry's “Back 
in the U. as well as Warren Zevon's 
“Mohammed's Radio” and Elvis. Cos 
tello's “Alison.” By that time, she had 
appeared on the covers of many major 
periodicals, from Redbook 10 Rolling 
Stone [o Time. Her fans couldn't get 
enough information about her. 

Ronstadt has broken new ground and 
remains unpredictable, One minute she 
appears barefoot, the next she appears 
on roller skates (setting off а national 
craze), the next in Ralph Lauren boots. 
She wears а white-silk dress to the Bot- 
tom Line and blue jeans to Nancy Kis 
дег» Carter Inauguration party. She 
is rich (in 1978, she made an estimated 
$12,000,000). She is independent. She has 


won 


si 


talked openly of drugs. sex. love, men 
She is rumored to have had romances 
with such men as J. D. Souther. Albert 
Brooks. Mick Jagger, Steve Martin, Rill 
Murray and, most recently, California 
governor Jerry Brown 

PrAYmOY asked freelance writer Jeon 
Vollely 10 talk with Ronstadt about her 


musie and her life. Here is Vallely's 
керегі: 
“I first met Linda Ronstadt іп 1976 at 


Lucy's, a Mexican. кематат in LA 
when 1 interviewed her for a Time cov 
story. Over the next four years, we be 
came friends. To sit Ron- 
stadt and actually interview her again 


er 


down with 


was fascinating. She has, quite simply, 
grown up. She is no longer the silly girl. 
willing to say anything for effect. She по 
longer wants to appear flaky. Linda 
Ronstadt wants to be taken seriously, as 
a woman and ах an artist, To be sure, 
here is still a naughty streak that runs 
down her back the size of the San Diego 
Freeway, but she has it under control. 
As she does her life. As she does her mu- 
sic 1 met with Ronstadt seven times, at 
her Malibu beach-front home. 

“Her life is frenetic. One day the in- 
terview was interrupted as ше all (Lin- 
da, her assistant, her bodyguard and 1) 
searched for the papers to the new Mer- 
cedes diesel station wagon that Linda 
had just bought—mostly for her three 
dogs. Another time, she was in the midst 
of planning а $1000-a-couple benefit din 
пет for Brown's. Presidential bid. And 
through ай, she was in lonch with her 
decorators, who were m the process of 
remodeling her seven-bedroom mansion 
іп Brentwood. All the interviews took 
place either in the glass section of her 
house that juis out onto the sand, which 
she calls the leahouse, or at the kitchen 
table (except for the two Sundays when 
Brown was there, working out on the 
deck, when we slipped upstairs to her 
bedroom). We drank a lot of Tab. Those 
sessions were at once intense and en- 
joyable, Ronstadt is generous, witty, ar- 
ticulale. smart and a whole lot of fun to 
be around ...and she sings like a dream.” 


You've just finished your first 
n more than а year and a halt. 
Was lack of inspiration the reason ii 
took you so long? 

RONSTADT: | was coasting on material 
that had evolved from a previou 
For a while there, the music was like a 
noise bludgeoning my eardrums, so 1 did 
a lot of traveling. 1 went to Europe with 
my mother. 1 cut my hair. I went to 


season. 


Africa with my boyfriend 
PLAYBOY: You mean Governor Jerry 
Brown? 


RONSTADT: [Smiling, nol missing a heal] 
And I didn't go to any of those places 
for musical reasons. Then 1 hurt my 
ankle and was in а cast. That made me 


PLAYBOY: On the subject of Africa and 


your “boyfriend” 
RONSTADT: I'm not going to talk about 
him 


PLAYBOY: We'll see how you feel about it 
er on. For now. 
le you were at home: 


what did you 


RONSTADT: The only th kept me 
there was my [oot being in а сам. But 
it was the best thing that ever happened 

hing a lot of tele 


ht around the ti 


Barbara Walt 
PLAYBOY: Whitt did you think of Barbara 
Walt 
RONSTADT: Barbara Walt 
be Gilc 
fore 1 a Walt 
heard of Tom Snyder, either, until the 
first time I went to see Saturday. Night 
Live and Danny Aykroyd 
Tom Snyder getup. 1 
your hair like that?” He said he was 
m Snyder. [ asked, “Who's that?” 1 
watched Danny lor two 
ever saw Tom Snyder. and now there is 
no way 1 Gin ішке Tom Snyde usly 
PLAYBOY: Besides TV, what did you do 
with your time? 

RONSTADT: A lot of reading. riding. play: 
ing with my dogs. But then 1 started 
getting really panicky. 1 thought there 
was something terribly wrong with me 
because I didn't have any new ideas for 
the album. I got real desperate. 

PLAYBOY: What did you do? 

RONSTADT: | visited some of my musician 
Iriends. I sat down with Wendy Wald. 
man and we wrote а song. 1 saw [bass 
guitarist] Kenny Edwards and we stayed 
up all night singing. 1 went and saw 
Emmylou Ha Then | went to every 
Club in town and saw a lot of new май 
and went to concerts and saw people 
like Bette Midler, She is an awesome 
talent E think we've taken for granted. 
All the juices started flowing again. 1 
ized that a lot of the problems with 
lack ol inspiration—my own and oth- 
ers —were because of our own cynicism. 
You know. the idea of ushering in a new 
fashion in the music business, like they 
do in clothes, just isn't a 1 way for 
art to function, 
PLAYBOY: You 
fake it? 
RONSTADT: Right. A 
talent is being taken for granted out 
thi I just hadn't been looking hard 
enough. So I really needed to have that 
rest. ] got nce to put түзей in 


s will forever 


! t0 force it is to 


t of new stuff and. 


perspective with the rest of the world 
1 found out th 
of the univ 
bori 


se. But, fi 
from the music 
1 you cut your h 
use you were bored? 

RONSTADT: Kenny Edwards said he hadn't 


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PLAYBOY 


88 


ny music that made him want to 
change his hair style and 1 thought, 
Well. if I cut hair, it might inspire 
ше. What do you think? 
PLAYBOY: It doesn't exactly ро w 
in . You look like a punk star 
RONSTADT: This [pulling at her inch-long 
hair] looks like what 1 feel like now. 
What seems to reflect me is a lot of 
change. 

PLAYBOY: How have you been changing? 
RONSTADT: | think Гуе kept the basic 
values that I got from my family and I'm 
glad for that. But the packaging is flex- 
ible. To me. there is something feminine. 
about having a real boyish haircut—it's 
lit real Feminine girl dressed in Army 
dothes—it accentuates the femininity, 
ther than diminishing it. 

PLAYBOY: How does the пем album, Mad. 
Love, rellect your recent experiences and 
changes? 

RONSTADT: There is almost no overdub- 
hing. This album doesn't follow what 
seems to be my prescribed y a 
J. D. Souther song. a Lowell George 
song. a couple of oldies, kick in the ass 
and put it owt there. In this album, al- 
most all the songs are new, [t's much 
morc rock п’ roll. more raw, more basic. 
PLAYBOY: How did you get the new tunes? 
RONSTADT: Elvis Costello. who I thi 
writing the best new stuff around, wrote 
three of the songs. 

PLAYBOY: What did Costello 
your cover of his song Alison? 
RONSTADT: I've never communicated with 
him directly, but I heard that someone 
asked him what he thought and he said 
he'd never heard it but that he'd be glad 
to get the money. So 1 sent him a mes- 
sage. "Send me some more songs. just 
keep thinking about the money.” And 
he sent me the song Talking in the Dark, 
which has not been released here, and I 
love it. I also recorded Party Girl and 
Girl Talk. 

PLAYBOY: You also have three songs from 
Mark Goldenberg. Who's he? 

RONSTADT: Next to Elvis Costello, he's 
avorite new rock 'n' roll. He's 
oup called the Cretones. 
He's great. I don't know how this album. 
will sell. I'm sure ГЇЇ be attacked: "Lin- 
da's sold out, trying to be trendy. gotten 
away from her roots.” But, well, can't 
worry about what the critics 
PLAYBOY: Wait Lill they sec y 
RONSTADT: [Grabbing her head with her 
hands] Oh. God! 

PLAYBOY: Besides the New W 
what's going on musically these day: 
RONSTADT: It is a strange time for all of 
us in the music business. The music is 
oddly lacking in different kinds of sei 
bilities. In the Sixties, there was such a 
ty: the delicate, romantic approach 
of Donovan, Motown, The Rolling 
the Beatles, all the country мий. 
"s all messed up like that. 
is a whole lot of disco 
and it's just not the kind of music that 


heard 


th your 


think of 


ve stuff, 


inspires you or that gives you a person 
ality to get involved with. The Seventies 
was a polished-up version of a lot of th 
things coming out of the Fifties and 
the Sixties. 1 think we refined them past 
their prime; like racing horses that have 
been overbred—they run fast but their 
bones break. 

What interests me is that for the first 
time, American pop music doesn't seem 


to make a bow to black music—except 
reggae, which is Third World music. Pop 
usic has always been largely based on 


American black music: jazz, blues, Gos- 
pel. And for a while, it was very much 
the thing for white musicians to be able 
to play with heavy black affectations; for 
instance, putting the rhythm emphasis 
y back behind the beat. If you could do 
that and keep the groove, that was a real 
hip thing to do, and now it is the oppo- 
site. The grooves are very rushed and 
fast and the emphasis seems to be very 
much on top of the beat. And the moves 
w the В5% and 
Well, they look like som 
a Holiday Inn disco, sort of Ohio 
housewife dancing—very white. 


"All of us worry that ше 


arc turning into old codgers. 
But that's silly. T here's 
always the music.” 


indicate, 


mu- 


For the most part, 1 think it's 
ath rattle. Iv’ the end of the 
carve. The Third World music com 
up will be the more dominant force alter 
the year 2000. But the thing to remember 
i still a lot of life in this 
ding anymore, but 


AYBOY: Before we get to the year 2000, 
what about the music just ahead—in the 
ghties? 

RONSTADT: The Eighties is a scason of 
change. kind of like the Sixties just be 
fore rock "n' roll exploded. A lot of us 
are kind of walking around wringing our 
hands and wondering what the musi 
will be like. The most interesting things 
g out of E 


seem to be comi 


At least. my favorite t 
Costello, Joe Jackson, Rockpile. L.A 
looks like it has dried up as far as ideas 


are concerned. Right now there is a 
real vacuum. I keep turning the 
dial a lot. 

PLAYBOY: Could it be that yo 
too old to rock "n' roll? 
RONSTADT: Well, every now and then, we 
clutch our heart: if were 
getting so old we don't understand what 
is coming down. All of us worry that we 


adio 


е getting 


nd wonder 


are turning into old codgers. But th 
silly. There's always the music. 
PLAYBOY: How do you [eel about disco? 
RONSTADT. WI y believe is that. 
the music should be very democrati 
Disco is a good example. 1 don't rea 
care for it self 
it. Га rather. dance то Latin 
rock n’ roll. Disco brings lots of people 
together but in a rather shallow way. I 
dont feel it should be wiped out 
though. because there are a lot of people 
who like it and need to go out and 
nce to it. Every sensibility should be 
represented. One of the funniest things 
to me is that the East Coast has this 
snobby nst the West Coast; that 


ly 
nd I hate to dance to 


lusit or 


Coast that gave us disco. They take for 
granted the Beach Boys and Randy New- 
man, Ry Cooder. great artists. The kids 
coming up arc going. “Oh, the Seventies. 
all that music was trash. overproduced. 
too slick.” and they are probably right. 
But we needed that for a while, just as 
we need their anger. too. 1 agree with 
them for the most part, but it doesn’t 
mean that the music had no right to exist. 
PLAYBOY: You sound defensive about the 
East Coast versus the West Coast. 15 
there a difference in the music? 

RONSTADT: There is a real difference, and 
there should be. You go to the moun 
tains and there is mountain music. You 
во to the p nd there is plains 
music. That's one of the things that 
make the music so interesting. But I am. 
mystified by the vicious, violent. feeling 
that the East Coast has against the West 
Coas 5 I remember if it hadn't 
Beach Boys, I wouldn't have 
been able to turn on my radio in high 
school. They are totally musical and to- 
tally a product of California. I just loved 
that. And I also know that if it hadn't 
been for the Drifters, my life would have 
been poorer. We had the Drifters singing 
Up on the Roof and Brian Wilson sing 
ing In My Room; two totally different 
ways of expressing exactly the same sen 


things. I don’t expect a p 
like an apple. Sometimes I thi 
should all move to 
sure nice up there. Except it’s too foggy 
PLAYBOY: OL course. people on the 
Coast think that the only thing people 
from the West Coast talk about is the 
weather. And here you are, doing just 
that. 

RONSTADT: God, why should we apologize 
for the weather? The weather is boring. 
for God's sake. I read this article in the 
sports section about the Dodgers. 
writer was Irom The Boston Globe a 
it was, like, the meanest arti 
scen in print. This guy was saying things 


East 


The 
d 


le Гуе ever 


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PLAYBOY 


90 


like, "I'd like to see them shoveling 
snow. They always have perfect weather, 
perfect tans, perfect blue uniforms." If it 
got down to competing for weather hard- 
ships, the East Coast could have the 
hardest and we could have the most bor- 
ing. It's so weird, I just don't think you 
have to undergo some horrible hardship 
just to be acceptable. 
PLAYBOY: Enough about weather. Let's 
talk about you. 
RONSTADT: Oh, Lord. 
PLAYBOY: How do you feel about moving 
into your mid-30s? 
RONSTADT: Being 33 is OK. It's 40 I'm 
worried about. I'm in pretty good shape 
these days. Exercise was the big thing, 
learning to exercise right. Everyone kept 
saying, "Linda, you've got to get some 
exercise," and I would think, Yeah. And 
then I would look through a magazine, 
you know, for the ten exercises to do 
before summer so you can fit into your 
bathing suit. And I would lie on the 
floor of my motel room and it was so 
boring and I never got any results, be- 
cause I didn’t do it right. 
PLAYBOY: How did you learn to do it right? 
RONSTADT: It took some time. 1 went to 
a health club, but that was pretty con- 
fusing. Then I met this guy Max, who 
kept telling me I should lift weights, 
and I thought, I don't need muscles. 
"Then І went to this health ranch where 
you couldn't eat and had to take seven- 
mile hikes up hills. God, I was miserable. 
But by the third day, I noticed that 1 
was waking up feeling like I did when 
I was seven years old—clearheaded. 
Then I started running and it was the 
only cure for depression that I had ever 
countered. I was so firmly into run- 
ning, before I hurt my ankle, that I used. 
to get in front of the television and run 
in place when 1 was on the road. The 
more I ran, the more I read about exer- 
cising and understanding exactly how 
the body works. 
PLAYBOY: Weren't you afraid of building 
up large, masculine muscles? 
RONSTADT: Women don't get big muscles 
like men. Their muscles just get firmer. 
I got real high just wanting to do it 
better. It was inspirational, having a 
regular exercise routine while I was with 
all those hard rock ‘п’ rollers—the gen- 
temen of the Great Indoors. 
PLAYBOY: How did you pump iron on the 
road? Did you carry the weights with you? 
RONSTADT: No, they were too heavy. We'd 
get to some place like Kansas City and 
we'd call а men’s gym. It got to the 
point where I found there weren't any 
excuses. I didn't want to miss my daily 
calisthenics and weight lifting. And 1 
began to realize how much of my Ше 
I fooled myself with excuses. It was a 
breakthrough. I needed to have a little 
victory and it carried over into other 
areas of my life. 
PLAYBOY: How? 


RONSTADT: Well, I always felt with my 
music that I was getting by by the seat of 
my pants. I didn't have a clear knowl- 
edge of how to apply myself. I had the 
same problems in school. I was at а loss 
with certain things like music theory. I 
couldn't learn it in school. I think it was 
explained in a confused way. But with 
the exercises, I realized that if I under- 
stood clearly, I could go on to the next 
step. And I've just turned the corner 
with some things about music theory 
that I've never been able to understand. 
1 have a lot more confidence just in 
terms of my own ability to improve. And 
it really has made a difference іп how I 
feel about everything I do. I learned how 
to work. I didn't learn how to work 
when I was a kid. It was too hot. 
PLAYBOY: Too hot? 

RONSTADT: It was too hot in Tucson, 
where we lived. So there I was, exercis- 
ing, and suddenly I found I was doing 
better shows and I was happier. I almost 
hesitate to talk about it, because as soon 
as you do, it's written off as part of the 
California narcissistic movement. But, 
goddamn, it’s a really good thing, to be 


———— 
“Tve learned some pretty 
hard lessons along the way 
and sometimes I think the 

greatest sin is carelessness.” 


able to think that when you are 45 or 55 
or 65, you're not going to be crippled or 
diabetic or have a terrible heart condi- 
tion. When you're disciplined, things 
happen. They do. They just do. 

PLAYBOY: Do you feel you've become 
disciplined? 

RONSTADT: Yeah. and I also learned about 
morality. Coming from a Catholic back- 
ground, I was much more inclined to 
rebel against the idea of being good for 
moral reasons and stuff just because you 
were supposed to be. I don't like to do 
anything just because I'm supposed to. 
1 always want to have reasons. That's 
the way I was with exercises. I found that 
weight training strengthened my will. 
PLAYBOY: Whar does that have to do with. 
morality? 

RONSTADT: Well, see, if you adhere to 
some kind of moral code, whatever it is, 
it makes it a more efficient way to deal 
with people. One time I got caught be- 
ing catty about someone and got busted 
for it. I realized that it made my posi- 
tion with that person and with the 
people who were witness to it weaker. 
So I decided that you have a contract 
with someone and if you're trying to 
break that contract, your case is weaker 
if you haven't lived up to all your parts. 
And every single day, we have little so- 


cial contracts and the strengthening of 
my will just made it easier to deal with 
situations head on. So I am going to live 
up totally to my part of the bargain, 
whatever it is. И you play dirty tricks 
оп people, it makes you weaker. And, 
in that sense, they've got a victim's kind 
of strength and I know a lot of people 
who maneuver and get into that position 
of being the victim because it gives them 
power. I hate that. 
PLAYBOY: Sounds like a lesson you 
learned from your own experience. 
RONSTADT: I've learned some pretty hard 
lessons along the way and sometimes I 
think the greatest sin is carelessness. 
When I was a child, we lived out in the 
country in a very dry area and there 
were scorpions and snakes and brush 
fires, all kinds of things, and you had to 
be careful. You didn't stomp on insects’ 
nests or send dirt clods down the hill or 
throw matches around. And I think most 
people are careless, not just with other 
people but with things. It carries over to 
a piece of equipment I have in my 
housc—net letting it rust or whatever. 
I'm beginning to have this theory that 
more and more, I should have only 
things I need. Too much clutter in my 
life makes me anxious. You know, you 
don't always get what you want, but 
sometimes you get what you need. Form 
follows function. Its just а much more 
efficient way to live. Fm real interested 
in efficiency. 
PLAYBOY: Somehow, your image doesn't 
suggest a consuming interest in efficiency. 
RONSTADT: Well, now my German back- 
ground's coming out. І swear to God, I 
am a real Kraut at heart. I'm a firm 
believer in the appropriate application 
of a movement, of doing it exactly right. 
Its like reading your owner's manual. I 
went to Germany this past summer, 
thinking 1 would hate it. It was real nice. 
I like those Germans. So I decided that 
it was OK to let that part of my heredity 
assert itself, because the Mexican side of 
me had been running the show for such 
a long time. I love the Mexicans, but 
they're supposed to sing, sleep and eat 
and it had been dominating my whole 
personality. I began to think it was OK 
to be organized. And it started having a 
deeper effect. It changed my whole atti- 
tude toward a lot of things, including 
my music. 
PLAYBOY: We'll follow up some more on 
your music, but we'd like to know why 
you feel you can't discuss your personal 
life—for example, your relationship with 
Jerry Brown, which is discussed publicly 
everywhere. 
RONSTADT: I can’t talk about him. I just 
can't. I don't feel it is fair to him or 
тоте. 
PLAYBOY: Why? 
RONSTADT: [Jumping up from her chair, 
she rummages through some papers and 
returns with a copy of the April 1976 


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PLAYBOY 


“Playboy Interview" with Jerry Brown 
and begins to quote aloud] “PLAYBOY: It 
would be interesting to know if it's pos- 
sible to lead a normal social life as a 
young, bachelor governor. BROWN: I 
think it is. But not if you talk about it 
all the time.” 

PLAYBOY: That was а nice quote from 
him. But you used to talk about your 
private life very openly. 

RONSTADT: Yeah, well, I'm just clenching 
my jaw a lot these days. It’s one of the 
greatest lessons I've learned and the 
hardest. I did talk freely at the begin- 
ning. Some of it was compulsive laundry 
airing that was self-indulgent and imma- 
ture, But a lot of it was a genuine desire 
to communicate. I am not afraid. I don’t 
have anything to hide. 1 have never 
done anything really horrible in my life. 
Lam uncomfortable around people who 
are so carefully selective about what they 
allow to pop out. 

PLAYBOY: Yet that’s what you're doing 
now. What has caused this “clenching of 
the jaw"? 

RONSTADT: The press. I worry that the 
press is discouraging candor. It is en- 
couraging people to be secretive about 
their lives. Just to sell copy, the press 
distorts and flat-out makes up things. I'm 
more quiet out of self-protection. 
PLAYBOY: Are you claiming that all the 
stuff written about you in the past— 
the sex and drugs—was made up or dis- 
torted by the press? 

RONSTADT: [Leaning toward the tape re- 
corder] I've never taken drugs, not even 
an aspirin... . 

PLAYBOY: Come on, Linda. 

RONSTADT: Look, if I did all the things 
that the newspapers said І did, 1 would 
have to be cloned. There are simply not 
enough hours in the day. Sure, the re- 
ports were exaggerated. 

PLAYBOY: You mean you're not ап au- 
thentic, hard-living rock 'n' roller? 
RONSTADT: The real hard rock "n' rollers 
are dead. The ones who survived paced 
themselves. But, yes, 1 am intense, and, 
yes, I take chances, and. yes, I push it to 
the limit—but there is a limit. Look at 
someone like Rod Stewart. He's sup- 
posed to be the biggest drug taker, big- 
gest chaser of women; I mean, look at 
that guy's face, his skin, his hair. If he 
were doing all those things he was sup- 
posed to be doing, his skin would be 
grecn, his hair would be falling out and 
he wouldn't be able to walk, let alone 
run around the stage the way he does. 
Гуе learned to pace myself, I just don't 
do things that are flat-out stupid. 
PLAYBOY; Pace yourself . . . you sound 
like someone in training. 

RONSTADT: Well, basically, I'm interested 
in fitness and not confusion. I think we 
are moving into an era of polarization 
and it’s going to be very violent and 
turbulent. I think the writing is on the 
wall and I don’t want to be stumbling 


around with my senses altered. People 
like Ken Kesey and others were gen- 
vine social experimenters and 1 respect 
those people and they broke a lot of 
ground for us. I think reading about 
them is real good, but we don't have to 
take those little things that make us 
«ату. God, who wants to take acid? The 
thought is enough to make me break out 
in hives. . .. It’s growing up, being more 
secure with yourself. 

PLAYBOY: How do you find security? 
RONSTADT: Security comes from knowing 
what уоште doing. There was a time 
when the music just wasn't good enough. 
I'm doing my best work now. And being 
fit, in good shape, working out, makes 
you feel better than taking drugs. Those 
‘of us who managed to survive the Sixties 
are so grateful to be alive that the idea 
of taking things that, you know, will 
harm you just doesn’t seem smart. Put- 
ting anything between me and reality 
has never done anything but make me 
feel less secure and more scared and 
awful. It's lies. I'm not comfortable with 
lies . . . though I still do tell a couple 
now and then. 


—— 
"If I did all the things that 
the newspapers said I did, 
Iwould have to be cloned. 

There are simply not 
enough hours in the day." 


PLAYBOY: We assume you won't during 
this interview. Why have you given so 
few interviews recently? 

RONSTADI: Interviews, in a sense, steal 
your soul, your privacy. If 1 come out 
with an opinion about something, or a 
funny, snappy remark, I can't use it 
again. After it has gone into print, it 
has become useless, a cliché. 

But as far as the press in general is 
concerned, I was talking with [political 
writer] Ken Aulewa about the fact that 
the Government has a complete set of 
checks and balances. The press has no- 
body to check its authority, to control 
it. And thank God there isn't. 1 would 
sooner эсс us go down in the worst kind 
of decadence and horrible corruption 
than see the press be censored; but if the 
press is unwilling to take responsibility 
for its actions, then it will cause its own. 
demise. It's gotten to the point where I 
pick up a magazine and I just don't be- 
lieve a quarter of what I read. I know 
how much stuff has been distorted about 
me. It even happens in places like The 
Wall Street Journal, my hero. 1 always 
thought it would be nice to be in there, 
but I didn’t think it printed gossip or 
that it didn’t check the facts. In some 


sense, I think that the unbridled cyni- 
cism of the press is the most dangerous 
thing in our society. 

PLAYBOY: Is that what you saw on your 
African wip with your “boyfriend”? 
RONSTADT: The African шір is а good 
example. 

PLAYBOY: How did the trip come about? 
RONSTADT: I asked if I could go. 1 had 
been on the road for a real long time 
and when I got home, the trip had al- 
ready been planned and I wanted to go. 
Africa is a real interesting place and 
someplace I wouldn't go alone, because 
it’s too strange to me. I never dreamed 
it would be OK. At first, I didn’t even 
get an answer. Then I said, “Oh, come 
оп, take me.” He said yes. 1 didn't tell 
anyone, not even my mother. Then my 
publicist, Paul Wasserman, called and 
he said he kept hearing from newsmen 
that I was going to Africa and that he 
just wanted to warn me that the press 
was going to be on my tail. I said, “ОК, 
forget it. I am not going, not if there is 
going to be trouble.” That was the after- 
noon before we were supposed to go. 
PLAYBOY: What made you change your 
mind? 

RONSTADT: I thought, Why am I surren- 
dering to these people? I am being threat- 
ened out of a good time. Then I thought, 
I can go and not have anything to do 
with the press. I am not going in an 
official capacity and 1 am not working. 1 
am just going as a sight-seer and all 
I have to do is stay out of the way. If 
anybody asks me a question, I just don't 
have to answer. If anybody wants to take 
my picture, ГЇЇ just turn the other way. 
It’s nobody's business what I am doing. 
Also, I was convinced that once we got 
there, we could ditch the reporters. 
PLAYBOY: You obviously didn't do a very 
good job of ditching them. 

RONSTADT: Well, first of all, I didn't ex- 
pect the press to commandeer the entire 
first-class section of the plane. We went 
coach and the press was furious with us. 
They saw this as a clear-cut case of our 
being uncooperative. They kept coming 
back, trying to interview us. I wasn't 
talking. The stewardess kept trying to 
prevent them from taking our picture 
while we slept. God. If anybody took my 
picture on a plane, no matter who I was, 
I would consider that they had no right 
to do that. There was an actual struggle 
in the aisle between two photographers 
for a certain spot and someone clunked 
this nine-year-old kid on the head with a 
camera. The pilot had to come back and 
tell them to stay in their seats. The press 
were fools. It was an outrage that they 
would act like what we were doing was 
hostile to them. They accused us of a 
publicity stunt. It was the press who 
needed a publicity stunt, not us. 
PLAYBOY: Sounds pretty melodramatic. 
RONSTADT: It got worse, We had this very 
Joose schedule and went to countries and 
cities we hadn't planned to go to. Then 


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the press came up to us and said they 
would like us to go on a safari; that 
would make a good story and good pic- 
tures, We had no plans to go on a safari! 
One day we were in the desert, looking 
at a United Nations desertification proj- 
ect, and a baby camel walked by and it 
was just the cutest thing and I wanted 
desperately to pet it. I barely got one 
finger on it when all the cameras went 
popping and the camel ran away. The 
pictures went back to the States saying, 
“Ronstadt on safari in Kenya.” I was по 
more on safari than I was on a rock 
roll tour. 

The press constantly threatened us. 
They pounded on my hotel door and 
said, If you don't cooperate, we're going 
to give you a really hard time; we are 
going to follow you until we get the 
pictures we want. One day I was walking 
with a friend from my hotel to the car 
and a photographer jumped into the car. 
Now, if 1 were going from a concert hall 
to my car and a fan jumped into the car, 
1 would be scared. 1 would think that 
person was trying to hurt me. My friend 
pushed this photographer out of the car 
and was scratched all the way down his 
arm. I would have felt totally within 
my rights, if someone jumped on me and 
d 
lieve that person of his front teeth. But, 
see, if you do anything like that, the 
photographers scream at you and tell you 


PLAYBOY 


wed my arm, to turn around and re- 


that you're preventing them from doing 
their job. 

PLAYBOY: The trip sounds like a disaster 
from your point of view. 

RONSTADT: Actually, we had a great time. 
The plane ride, the incident in the des 
ert and the photographer jumping in the 
car were the only encounters we had 
with the press. We did ditch them. The 
press managed to base three weeks’ worth 
of news on three encounters in which 1 
said not one word. They had so little to 
work with that they had to pad and fluff 
it with hopelessly implausible drivel; 
like we were getting married. I read one 
account about how I sulked all day in 
my room. You know what that was? I 
can't even remember how many hours 
we flew and all the waiting in the air- 
ports and stuff like that; so when we 
landed, I went to my room and slept for 
about 15 hours. I was sleeping, not sulk- 
ing. I was in dreamland. 

PLAYBOY: What was it like when you got 
home from Africa? 

RONSTADT: For three weeks, I couldn't go 
out of my house. I was so embarrassed. 
There were so many people aware of 
what my face looked like. I couldn't walk 
down the street or into a restaurant 
without everyone staring and pointing. 
It is so dehumanizing, 1 got defensive 
and wouldn't talk to anyone, and then 
people said I was a snob. I don't know 
those people. I don’t have to talk to 


strangers. I really understand why 
people want to hide and become re- 
cluses. It would be good for this society 
to be encouraged to be as open as possi- 
ble, because when society is encouraged 
to be dosed, then evil things develop in 
the dark; horrible little stunted things 
grow out of darkne "That's what the 
press is encouraging. 
PLAYBOY: Would you 
famous? 

RONSTADT: Well, it's hard to go to the 
market and buy chicken, but I'm glad 
people think I'm cool and I understand a 
litle of what the fame thing does to 
you. Take the Eagles, who have been my 
friends through the years. If I don't see 
them for six months or so, 1 begin то 
think of them as stars. I'll think about 
calling them, and then Ill think, Oh, 
they're so busy, they're such big stas, 
they dont want to hear from me. I 
called Don Henley the other day and he 
was so sweet. But we had this very busi- 
nesslike conversation; I hadn't talked to 
him in months and I was kind of nervous 
and he responded in a businesslike way. 
He called back and he said, “What was 
that all about? How have you been?" 
And he came over with a bag of figs and 
we had a great time. I mean, the last 
people who should be falling for one 
another's press hypes are us. 

PLAYBOY: Does fame make social situa- 
tions easier? 


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PLAYBOY 


RONSTADT: I used to think it would make 
it a little easier when D went to a party, 
because Т wouldn't have to impres any- 
body. people would just sort of auto- 
matically be impressed. And there was a 
period when I was moderately successful 
when I could. just walk into a party and 
have a good time. But I went to a party 
the other night and 1 was more embar- 
sed than when 1 was in high school— 
а nobody and socially screwed up. Every- 
body was staring at me and saying 
Theres Linda Ronstadt.” and people 
immediately took sides, for me or 
gainst me. And the sensitive. people 
nough respect for themselves not 
10 be swayed by my presence and they 
just usually hang back. You mostly don't 
get to meet the nice people. 
PLAYBOY: Would dark glasses help? 
RONSTADT: 1 realized what protection 
dark glasses аге when I did this concert 
once. 1 close my eyes when I sing. I get 
scared when I open them and sce all the 
people. But this concert was outdoors, 
105 degrees and the sun was blaring and 
I had to wear dark sunglasses. and 1 kept 
my cyes open through the whole thing 
d 1 realized how much I close my eyes 
asa device because it's unnatural to have 
thousands of people ng at you. It's 
embarrassing. 
PLAYBOY: If you won't talk about Jerry 
Brown directly, how about men in 
general? 
RONSTADT: Great. I adore men. God. 
love to flirt. Flirting isn't. necessarily 
based on offering yourself in a sexual 
way. I hope I'm flirting when Fm 80. I 
just love real vibrant older women who 
don't deny their sexuality but who also 
don't try to act like it should. assume 
place in their lives that is inappropr 
to their age. That's a fine line to walk. 
PLAYBOY: What do you mean: 
RONSTADT: This may sound terribly racist, 
and | don't mean it to, but I have по- 
ticed that black women, when theyre 
older and if they tend to get heavy, still 
dance and sing with the same sense of 
abandonment that they had when they 
were young and thin. She knows she's 
hot. A white woman, in the same 
situation, if she got up to dance at all, 
which she probably wouldn't, is so 
self-conscious, There is a certain amount 
of sexual posturing that goes on between 


human beings. It can go on between two 
women, a man and а woman, two men. 
Boy. sure do strut for each oth 


I think that the desire to relate t 
їп a sexual way isa natural thing. 
PLAYBOY: Do you think of yourself as а 
professional at the art of flirting? 

RONSTADT: I'm not bad. But the pro 
Dolly Parton. She and 
bc very overt and sexu 
challenges, but there is no cruelty 
or un She relates 1 children, 
men, women, same tone. She 
broadcasts her femininity all the time 


people 


папе», 


00 and is consistent. I get suspicious of 


H 


someone who changes drastically in the 
way he treats men and women. But if 
there is someone around to spark you 
sexually, it really docs make you get up 
and do your best. 1 love that. And it 
doesn’t have to be an ongoing sexual 
thing. If there is someone I like to flirt 
with around before | go onstage, my 
shows are always better. It 
of priming ihe pump. 

PLAYBOY: When did all this flirting start? 
RONSTADT: | have always been boy 
сагу... since the first grade. Maybe іс 
was because there weren't many boys 
round. 1 really w 


à good way 


ted them to like me 
nd I was really concerned that they 
might not think I was attractive. In high 
school, I really believed that the boys 
might not like me unless they were phys- 
ically attracted to me: that I couldnt 
keep their attention unless they were on 
the receiving end of that sexual dynamic 
and that if I didn't set up that sexual 
tension, they would walk away from me. 
And 1 was olten afraid to let go of that 
and rely on the nuts and bolts of the 
friendship. So 1 think 1 sometimes over 
loaded that end of it. 


“Тһе press constantly 
threatened us. They 
pounded on my hotel door 
and said, If you don't 
cooperate, we're going to 
give youa really hard time." 


PLAYBOY: Any regrets? 
RONSTADT: | regret попе of it. I loved 
some of it, hated some of but it was 
all part of the experience. 

PLAYBOY: When you were starting out, 
did you expect to become as big as you 
have? 

RONSTADT: When I came to L.A. in 1961, 
I kind of looked around and thought 
that maybe the kind of career Judy Col- 
lins had was perfect. She was quietly 
putting out things that seemed tasteful 
and sold respectably. That was the kind 
of career I wanted: a career where you 
earned а nice living, your records sold 
well, you had the respect of other musi- 
cians and did things in good taste. 
never tried to become the next big thing. 
It seemed that was something to be 
guarded against at all costs. 

PLAYBOY: What happened 
RONSTADT: It's unnatura 


l not to 


out, not to try to progress. What are you 


going to do? Start walking sideways So 
there is no way to control those things. 
1 was going along. ma xk 
albums, experimenting. I felt I was some- 
what of a pioneer in tha 1 felt like 


I was throwing some new ideas onto the 
pile. My records were selling OK. I 
thought I had arrived. That was before 
Heart Like a Wheel. Vl 
destined to be more. 
PLAYBOY: Was Heart Like a Wheel the 
turning point in your carcer? 

RONSTADT: Үс». 
m a rut. 


d no idea 1 was 


In the ca | 
I didn't know how to get 
I was on this plateau that 
ib. I could 


y Sevent 


was 
out of it. 
seemed endless. L wa 
hardly sec or feel. Га fact. 
like а murky dream. 
PLAYBOY: What caused the rut? 

RONSTADT: Years and years on the road 
I was punchy. In fact, the fluorescent 
lights in certain kinds of dressing rooms 
€ me «тагу. [Laughs] П anyone ever 
wants to brainwash me, if Fm a hostage 
and they pur a fluorescent light on me, 
ГИ become nist, anything, you 
name it. God. I hated those years. I tied. 
to stay unconscious the whole timc. 
PLAYBOY: How did you lift yourself out of 
that comatose state? 

RONSTADT: It was thanks to my re 
ship with Peter Asher 

PLAYBOY: How did that happen? 
RONSTADT: 1 had decided I wanted this 
person [rom Nashville because I wanted 
to explore the country area some more. 
But | became friends with Peter. We 
hung out a lot. But he was managing 
Kate Taylor at the time 1 he felt that 
if he took on another girl singer in the 
same market, it wouldn't be lair to either 
one of us. Then I ran into Kate and she 
said she was going to stay home then, so 
why didn't I call Peter? 
PLAYBOY: Why did the combination work 
so wellz 

RONSTADT: Peter has a very rounded mu 
«al background, like I do. He listens to 
everything, His taste is eclectic. But there 
is a thread of taste and quality that runs 
through everything he does and because 
of the consistency of the quality, 1 was 
able 10 really wast him. And because 1 
wust him, he is a good sou g board 
for all the things I want to do. 

PLAYBOY: There arc 
controls you 
RONSTADT: I'm more secure musically now 
than 1 was, but I never wanted to be- 
come the boss lady, As I see it, it is 
always a team siti "volving me, 
Peter and the band. I never want to 
feel like the boss. Peter doesnt want to 
feel like the boss. We jointly make the 
final decision about everything. Neither 
of us wants to do the whole job. Were 
too lazy. 

PLAYBOY: Do you do everything Pete 
tells you to do? 


so nv 
it 


Il feels now 


those who say 


RONSTADT: No. lf we disagree оп some- 
thing, | really re-examine it and if 
1 still think I'm right, 1 go ahead. I 


remember Blue Bayou—Peter was alraid 
wouldn't be a hit. He said we should 
shop around for some insurance. I said, 
“OK, get the insurance.” But I knew it 


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H 


d 


PLAYBOY 


was a hit and it was the biggest single 
Гус ever had. Sometimes he is real wild 
about stuff and I say, “Oh, no. That will 
never go." 

PLAYBOY: Do your instincts 
prove to be right on the mark? 
RONSTADT: There are those times when I 
n just plain sure, when I have tha 
incredible right feeling: and when I hı 
that feeling about a song and I put i 
a record, it usually doesn't miss. 
sometimes it works the opposite way 
PLAYBOY: For example? 

RONSTADT: I didn't think I sang Different 
Drum or Heat Wave particularly well. 
I was really on the fence about those 


generally 


" 
on 
Bur 


two, but the public certainly didn't ге 
spond the same way. I'm sure the songs 
on Mad Love are the right songs for me 
PLAYBOY: Is there а point of diminishing 
returns in working with 
closely and lor as long as you've worked 
with Asher? 

RONSTADT: Peter, Val [Garay, the engi- 
nec] and I pretty much felt we had 
exhausted the possibilities within the con- 


someone as 


fines of the style in which we had made 
records. I wanted to change. And 1 won- 
dered if 1 should change producer and 
engineer for the new album. When I ap- 
proached Peter about this. he had to talk 
to me wearing his managers hat. He 
never jealously guarded his role as pro- 
ducer. He encouraged me to think freely 
of all the possibilities. Then 1 realized 


at the desire to stretch was on all our 
minds and it seemed to me that to take 
that step as а team, 1 would wind up 
with a much more solid and authentic 
version of what I wanted. It was the best 
decision I'd ever made. 

PLAYBOY: You feel 
positive? 

RONSTADT: Yeah. The stretch seems com- 
pletely natural. A lot of the avant garde 
ми isn the standard florm—verse, 
chorus, verse, chorus. Groups like the 
Talking Heads are doing т nteresting 
stulf. but for I still need a song that 
works in a verse, chorus, verse, 
format—like the stuff the Cretones and 
Elvis Costello do. To adopt a new musi- 
cal style just for the sake of it is like 
putting on a chicken suit—it looks ridic- 
ulous. At the same time, I wanted to 
change, yet the thoughts of changing 


the changes жеге 


chorus 


producer and enginecr made me sweaty 
under the armpits, We had worked to- 
gether for so long. But we all wanted 
to flex our musical muscles on this one. 
It feels good. 

PLAYBOY: Do you feel you are at the 
height of your care 
RONSTADT: | certainly don't feel that I 
have accomplished what I would like to 
accomplish artistically. 1 feel like I am 
only begi to learn how to sing in 
а s. So, to me, it is like a be- 
. How the public views it may 
be totally different. 1 


m certain 1 


doing my best work. But there are 
people I watch when I'm stuck 


PLAYBOY: Such 22 


RONSTADT: Warren Zevon and Neil 
Young: those guys are amazing. Randy 
Newman is one of the main ones. He has 


his hand on the tow bar. 1 don't know 


about that guy. | suspect he watches a 
lot of television and reads a lot of peri 
odicals and it all seeps into his brain 
like a giant computer 
subliminal way of predicting 
I watch his ly 
I know its going to show up later on 


His lyrics are а 


the future. 


ics and when I sec a shift, 


not just in music but in society. And his 


new album is pretty in the 


sense that violent. polarization is domi 
nant 

PLAYBOY: Then do you think the Ei 
ies will be a decade of violence? 
RONSTADT: Well, look at that new group 
The Dead Boys. And that group Police 
They have that song, “You'll be sorry 
when I'm dead / and all that guilt is on 
your head / and I guess you'll call it sui 
cide.” And I hear a lot about war. The 
Talking Heads have a song, In Time of 
War, with a line that goes, “This ain't 
no disco, / this ain't no CBGB's, / don't 
have time for that now." It’s like the era 
of self has to end in war, because war is 
the only thing that’s great enough to dis. 
tract one from one's self. That's pretty 
horrible. Neil Young has that song Pow: 
der Finger 11% just starting to creep 


| 
{ 
і 
: 


DENIM 


For the man who doesn’t 
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competition is thinking. So, one Sunday a year, me 
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106 PLAYBOY: | 


into the lyrics enough to make me sit 
up and take notice. There is definitely 
violence in the new мш. I'm looking 
around at the new music and scarching 
for a helmet or a hard hat. 
PLAYBOY: Lets talk about something 
lighter. What's your ideal evening? 
RONSTADT: [Laughing] Sitting up in bed 
with my boyfriend and reading a book. 
PLAYBOY. On the subject of bed and 
boyfriend 
RONSTADT: Oh, no, you don't. Why don't 
we bout my idcal dinner party 
instead? 
PLAYBOY: Whitt would you serve? 
RONSTADT: Turkey. It would have to be 
turkey, because that’s all J can cook. 
PLAYBOY: Whom would you invite? 
RONSTADT: Leo Tolstoy, Mozart— 
PLAYBOY: Oh? 
RONSTADT: Yeah, but I'd only invite 
Tolstoy when he was in the kindest and 
most earnest part of his life. I read a 
lot of. Mozart's letters and he seemed 
like a real nice guy. 
PLAYBOY: Don't stop. Who else? 
RONSTADT. Bergman . . . and then 1 
would have Fellini, because they're each 
other's favorite directors and they'd have 
something to talk about. I wonder if 
Mozart and Fellini would have anything 
to about. Oh, and I would invite Liv 
Ullmann. She's my favorite actress. I met 
her once and, oh, God. I was sure I had 
on all the right clothes, a nice new suit, 
a hat I bought in а secondhand store—I 
always have to throw something weird 
into an outfit—and my make-up was per- 
fect. ] wanted to look special. And when 
I walked into her dressing room, I just 
knew my nose was shining so bad you 
could see it four blocks away and I was 
ing and my make-up looked caked 
on and greasy and my hat looked ridicu 
lous and I'm s wrinkled. 
I stammered like ап idiot. I'm s she 
thought I was a complete goon. 
PLAYBOY: You can explain all that to her 
at your dinner. 
RONSTADT: I'll have Tolstoy explain; he'd 
do it much better. 
PLAYBOY: What about ii 
like Mick Jagger? 
RONSTADT: Well, that would be interest- 
ing. but. Mick would have to be on his 
best behavior. 1 wonder what Mick 
would say to Mozart? The dinner needs 
some singers. Well, ГИ be the singer .. . 
don’t need any competition. Oh, we'd 
have to have Albert Brooks. Albert's so 
funny and bright and he can make every- 
one Га invite Peter Asher 
and Jerry 
PLAYBOY: Jerry who? 
RONSTADT: [Making a face] And then Га 
make Peter and Jerry stay after everyone 
had gone and we'd talk about them. 
Peter always has the best things to say 
about people and Jerry has а completely 
opposite viewpoint, but real accurate. , . . 
1 wonder if Mozart likes turkey? 
real life, you have a lot of 


ing someone 


movie people over for dinner; are the 
rumors truc that you'll soon become a 
movie star? 

RONSTADT: ‘That's like asking someone 
whos a plumber if he's going to be- 
come an elect Гус worked all this 
time to learn how to become a singer 
and really strived to get good at it. Why 
should I try to do something else that 
I have no idea how to do? Which is not 
to say Га never make a movie, but at this 
time, 1 can't see making a career change. 
PLAYBOY: Do you go to lots of movies? 
RONSTADT: I used to have a boyfriend who 
loved to go to the movies and now I 
have a boyfriend who doesn’t have any 
time to go to the movies. 

PLAYBOY: What is taking up so much of 
your boyfriend's time? 

RONSTADT: Three guesses. 
PLAYBOY: What's your favorite movie? 
RONSTADT: I have three, Snow While and 
the Seven Dwarfs, The Seventh Seal and 
Scenes from a Marriage. Those movies 
tell life to me. 

PLAYBOY: OK, back to more serious topics. 
Do you think you've made an impact as 
iginal artist 


“There is definitely violence 
in the new stuff. Pm looking 
around at the new music 
and searching for a helmet 


ora hard hat." 


RONSTADT: | remember not long ago 
standing in the dressing room at the 
Universal Amphitheater, talking to some 


Warner Bros. record guy who said he was 
looking for а ger like те. It made 
me feel so funny. I had become a trend, 
e when the English were a trend. I was 
le who could sell records, 
suddenly, female artists became cool. I 
singing with the samc kind of 
nflections that I do. I remember so many 
times sitting down with a record when I 
was young, trying to copy every tiny 
inflection of a girl singer. But there are 
better girl singers than me—Bonnie 
Raitt, for example. 

I don't think I've made the kind of 
at changes the face of music 
say, The Rolling Stones or the 
les. And not in terms of writing the 
book on singing style. At some point, all 
girl singers have to curtsy to Ella Fitz- 
gerald and Billie Holiday. I brought 
together a lot of kinds of straight threads 
of music and put them in a little fabric 
that has an interesting design. I had com- 
mercial success and opened the door for 
girl singers. 
PLAYBOY: Arc you afraid of being blown 
out of the water? 


RONSTADT: There will be some female to 
come along who will blow me out of the 
water and when she does, you know what 
Tm gonna do? [Grins, makes a fierce 
face] I'm going to watch her real close, 
find out where all her hot licks are and 
steal them. You know, Bonnie Raitt was 
the first girl to get up onstage and play 
the guitar and have the guys say. “Hey, 
she doesn't play like a ind she 
didn't try to copy the opposite attitude 
and play real macho. Bonnie simply 
s her instrument as if it were ап ex- 
па she succeeds 
gloriously. And I think there is à whole 
wave of little girls out there who not 
only will be able to play that guitar but 
ng and have a real impact 

пуопс on the horizon? 
RONSTADT: One night, 1 was really des- 
perate for some inspiration. I went with 
à bunch of people in the music business 
to sce Louise Goffin [Carole King's 20 
We were all holding 
s good, 1 had 
heard some of her stuff in the studio, 
but nonc of us were sure how we felt 
about that. Just before the curtain went 
up. 1 thought, Do 1 want her to come 
ош and fall flat on her face? If she did. 
I could go “Phew!” But then 1 thought, 
If she blows me away, I will have some 
inspiration and that will be good. 1 
decided 1 wanted her to be great. 
PLAYBOY: Was she? 

RONSTADT: She was wonderful. She was 
exciting and she had so much confi- 
dence. You know, all we female singers 
in the Seventies knew was that we were 
these independent people going around 
the country, earning our own living, and 
that we represented something because 
all these articles were written about us. 
But we didn't know how 10 arm our- 
selves. Our defenses were put on in 
dumsy f Louise came out the 
quintessential Eighties woman. She wore 
her defenses like enameled vencer. It was 
beautiful. She understood exactly who 
she was and how to protect herself. She 
had done her homework. She knew how 
to move around. She knew her craft 
thoroughly. Stevie Nicks leaned over to 
me and whispered, ‚ do you think 
we still can get a job singing backup for 
Joe Cocker?" We were the graduated class. 
PLAYBOY: You have а reputation of help- 
ing women singers such as Karla Bonoff, 
Nicolette Larsen, the Roches— 
RONSTADT: 115 not a del e attempt 
on my part. We're all f 3 
first one visible. We've been helping one 
other out. for a long time. Eve drawn 
on a lot of their stuff, 

PLAYBOY: Are you ever secretly afraid 
one of them will get bigger than you? 
RONSTADT: То me, a new person coming 
up is good. Take Emmy [Emmylou 
Harris] for example. When I first heard 


mmy. She's the most 
ng singer to me, bar none. I would 


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rather sing with Emmy than with any- 
else. She can make me feel the 
of a song like no- 


body 
music and the idea 
body. I can't imagine Emmy not being 
successful, because that might mean that 
I can't sing, with her so much. I mean, 
it's in my best interests for Emmy to be 
successful and for people to hear her, 
с she brings up the general stand- 
ards of the music. 

PLAYBOY: When did you meet Emmylou? 
RONSTADT: I was in Houston on tour with 
Neil Young and we had a night off and 
Emmy was playing with Graham Parker. 
I kept hearing about her and that she 


Бес 


was the only one doing what I was doing. 
At that point, we were struggling to get 
record companies to listen to us sing 
Hank Williams. I saw Emmy and I died. 
Here was someone doing what I was 
doing, only, in my opinion, better, But 
hearing her finally outweighed the pain 
of being outdone and 1 just thought, 
Well, here's the level and I'd better get 
up there; I'd better fight for й. I sat 
down with Ei 
a hell of a lot about singing from her 
and I still do. 

PLAYBOY: Whatever happened to the 
album you and Emmylou and Dolly were 
making? 

RONSTADT: We're still trying. It was а 
ludicrous situation. We were uying to 
make an album in ten days. We three 
grownups should have known better than 
to put ourselves in a pressure cooker that 
way. We just wanted to do it so badly 
and thought that was our only chance. 
PLAYBOY: Are the rumors true about the 
three of you fighting? 

RONSTADT: No. And the potential for 
hideous and bitchy behavior and accusa- 
tions was enormous. At the very begin- 


ny and sang and I learned 


ning, we made a solemn pact that at any 
time our friendship was hurt, we would 
end the project. Friendship first. And 
when I think of the kinds of things that 
could haye happened, it blows my hair. 
The thing is that Dolly—God, there із 
not one trace of malice in her—has such 
а keen understanding of what motivi 
people that there never а trace of 
bitchiness. Basically, what I learned was 


es 


that I wanted to be on the team with 
Dolly a 
a precious experience. It was like musi 
cal nirvana. I learned a lot about music 
and about morality, and Dolly was re- 
sponsible for that. 

PLAYBOY: Some of your most beautiful 
songs are with them. 

RONSTADT: There are people who act like 
catalysts for me. They make me do things 
I can't do on my own. When I sing with 
Emmy, she cin make my voice go into а 
corner I can't reach by myself. And as 
for Dolly, when I sang J Never Will 
Marry in the studio, it just didn’t have 
any magic. But all of a sudden, when 
Dolly started singing with me, wow! 
PLAYBOY: Anyone else spark you like t| 
RONSTADT: Sometimes I need an inter- 


id Emmy. Singing with them is 


? 


preter. Waddy [Watchtel] taught me 
how to sing Tumbling Dice. He really 
understands The Rolling Stones better 
than anyone except Keith Richards. And 
if you want to know about the Beatles, 
you go to Andrew Gold. If you want to 
know about Roy Orbison, you ask J. D. 
Souther. If you want to know about Neil 
Young. you ask Dan Dugmore. And if 
you want to know who to ask, you ask 


me. I'm the expert on who to ask. There 
are some people who work well all by 
themselves. Some of those Swedish fid 
dlers who sit in front of the mountains 
and just emote this passion are wonder 
ful. But I live in a complex society and 
there are a lot of people around and I 
just need somebody to come in and put 
the other parts of the puzzle together for 
me. 

PLAYBOY: You know, of course, that there 
are people who think of you as the sex 
symbol of the rock business. 

RONSTADT: [Laughing and tugging at her 
Arizona State T-shirt and baggy jeans] 
Sex symbol! Look at me. I am not a 
great beauty, that’s for sure. I didn’t set 
out to become a sex symbol. I set out to 
be a singer. I think of myself as a sexual 
being. It's an important part of my Ше. 
I've never tried to keep sexuality out of 
my personality or my singing. It's fun 
that people think I'm sexy. 

PLAYBOY: Do you have groupies? 
RONSTADT: Well, guys come up after the 
show and want me to kiss them. 

PLAYBOY: Do you? 

RONSTADT: I don't really like to kiss 
strangers. I couldn't imagine 17 juicy, 
wet kisses from 17 strangers. Its un- 
sanitary. You'd have to go home and get 
your teeth cleaned. 

PLAYBOY: So guys don't knock down your 
hotel door? 

RONSTADT: I think men are more naturally 
inclined to promiscuity than women. I 
don't know if it's biological or what, but 
men are able to depersonalize sex a lot 
more than women and still remain nice 
persons. The guys I know on the road 
are holy terrors, but I love them. 
PLAYBOY: You mean you don't fool 
around on the road? 

RONSTADT: I don't like to go to bed wil 
strangers. [Laughing] 1 like to know wha 
kinds of books they read. I wouldn't be 
interested in someone who had a groupie 
mentality 

PLAYBOY: You have been linked with many 
famous, rich, successful men through the 
years. 

RONSTADT: Well, it would be very odd if 
it turned out that I had had a long 
relationship with a dentist. I mean, I 
тесі famous people. I tend to have re- 
lationships with people I admire, who 
tend to be successful. І mean, who are 
you going to get a crush on? Somebody 
you don't admire? Why would you want 
to go out with a loser? What would you 
talk about? How I lost my job last 


in 


PLAYBOY 


week? But I have lots of friends who are 
successful and not famous. It's just that 
when I go out with someone else who is 
famous, it gets written about—makes 
better reading. 

PLAYBOY: When you meet a man you 
admire, what's the next step? 

RONSTADT: 1 have to get chased a whole 
lot. I need a lot of convincing, especially 
if he's famous. I don't want it to seem 
that I'm standing in line. I have to be 
convinced he is more interested in me 
than any of the other women interested 
in him. I have to know that I'm the 
exceptional one. 

PLAYBOY: How long do those relation- 
ships usually last? 

RONSTADT: I go out with a guy either for 
a night or for a year. I rarely have 
boyfriends for less than a year. Some 
just move over to friendships. 

PLAYBOY: Is it hard to keep former lovers 
for friends? 

RONSTADT: You have to explain what the 
nature of the relationship is, going in. 
Are we going steady? If you don't prom- 
ise somcthing that you don't have any 
intention of delivering, you can move 
on and not leave bitterness behind. I 
never felt obligated to be physically 
faithful to anybody or to be in any way 
emotionally entwined with just one man. 
L have never made that promise. I have 
never had a ring around my neck or an 
engagement ring or a wedding ring on 


my finger. If I did make that promise, I 
suppose I would be mad if I didn't 
honor it. So I enjoy and let the other 
person enjoy, and some of that's sexual. 
PLAYBOY: Where does love fit in? 
RONSTADT: Being in love is the best way 
to excite the fcelings of sexuality. Rut 
you cant fall in love with everybody 
you are hugely, physically attracted to. I 
think you fall in love once, maybe twice. 
If you are dumb enough to screw it up 
the first time or unfortunate enough to 
lose it and if you're lucky enough to find 
it again, that's great. Love is a special 
circumstance. When you fall in love, a 
whole different set of principles apply. I 
think shallow relationships are boring. 
Who wants endless streams of shallow 
relationships? My relationships are very 
intense. Whether or not they last five 
years is totally beside the point. And I 
don't think my lifestyle is conducive to 
those kinds of relationships. I don't 
consider any of my relationships a fail- 
ure. I think they have all been rather 
successful. But, boy, are they incense. 
Whoa, Jesus! 

PLAYBOY: How many times have you been 
in love? 

RONSTADT: It's really a little death, in a 
way, falling in love, because you sur- 
render yourself. When you're about to 
fall in love, you have this inner dialog. 
You know, Is this guy really cool, is he 
thoughtful, has he shown me strength of 


character, do I love him? At some point, 
when you are really in love, you stop 
having this inner dialog and you just go 
on and love that person unconditionally 
and when you do, it's a little death. You 
surrender and you just totally let yourself 
open to that and it's the most vulnerable 
position to be in. But to me, it's the 
ultimate of sexual excitement to fall 
totally in love. 

PLAYBOY: How many times has that hap- 
pened to you? 

RONSTADT: I went over that line only 
once. It was really frightening and it 
took me about two years to come back. 
PLAYBOY: Was that with J. D. Souther? 
RONSTADT: It doesn't matter. But once 
you totally let go, it is not casy to regain 
control. There is a part of you that 
always stays connected to that person 
and it changes you. But I still think it's 
neat. I still think it is something to strive 
for. 

PLAYBOY: So you are not totally in love 
with anyone at the moment? 

RONSTADT: That's right. I realized that 
that first time I actually went overboard. 
I went splat! It was such a wonderful 
feeling. That was stage one. Stage two 
was learning what the consequences are 
and stage three is being very careful. I 
don't think there is anything wrong with 
taking a real long time to fall over the 
edge the next time, because the next 
time. I would like to stay there. It’s like 


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reading your owner's manual. You read 
it, you do what it says and you do it 
pretty good 

PLAYBOY: Do you want to get married? 
RONSTADT: As a life goal? Not really. 1 
think it would be nice to have a mate 
whether it involved marriage or not. And 
I understand the reasons for wanting to 
ritualize the situation. It lends a bit more 
weight. But sometimes for people like 
me, who are real skittish and need a lot 
of freedom, maybe having that extra 
weight might be a burden. I've never 
seriously considered marrying anybody so 
far. But I've gotten some interesting 
proposals. 

PLAYBOY: Do you want to have children? 
RONSTADT: That's the big one. Гус 
thought about it a lot, especially as 1 
get nearer to 35. I like children a whole 
lot, but that's not a good enough reason. 
The only reason to have children is 
because you want them more than any- 
thing else and if I get to that point, 1 
won't care if I’m married or not. Га 
prefer to be with the kids' father, because 
I think that would multiply the enjoy- 
ment and the richness of the expericnce 
geometrically, but I don't think it would 
be impossible to do it alone. 

PLAYBOY: Then you're not rcally looking 
for a permanent commitment. 

RONSTADT: My favorite Brownism is: 
“Choice is the enemy of commitment.’ 
Here І am, cruising around the world, 
aud you see thiis one and that one and 
it makes it hard if you're with one 
разоп. Suppose that person comes up 
short in a couple of arcas and you miss 
that and you go to a city and find a 
person who's just got those two things 
and maybe none of the others and you 
go, ^" shouldn't I have that? I want 
just human nature. 

PLAYBOY: Do you think monogamy is 
impossible? 

RONSTADT: I don't think it's impossible; 
I don't think it is particularly necessary. 
If you live with a man and he is un- 
faithful to you, the only thing you can 
do is hope you don't find out, because it 
may not һауе any bearing on your ге 
lationship. Or if you are unfaithful to 
the man, I don't think you have an obli- 
Eation to tell, because sometimes it is 
more destructive to tell. You should try 
real hard to stay true, though, because 
it's less complicated. You may be at a 
crossroads with somebody and if you just 
stayed with him, stuck it out a little bit 
longer, you may get up to the next level, 
which may be really wonderful. And if 
you get tempted astray, it may damage 
whatever kind of momentum you have 
going. But then, on the other hand, it 
may enrich it. Who knows? There just 
aren't any rules. I don't think a relation- 
ship can survive continual deceit and 
lies. As for occasional deceit and lies. . . 
[Laughs] 

PLAYBOY: You are obviously a man's 


woman. Professional friendships aside, 
do you like other women? 

RONSTADT: I do like women. І am sus- 
picious of people who categorically don't 
like men or women. Forget it. They have 
nothing to teach me. I can remember a 
time when I had very few women friends 
because I was on the road and everybody 
I knew was a man. I got into а bad 
habit of always being able to strike up a. 
friendship with a guy based on being 
able to . If all else failed, I could 
flirt with a man. I could bribe him into 
liking me. You can't do that with a girl. 
"There is a whole other dynamic that is 
set up between two females and it can be 
sexual, but heterosexual, like in Julia, 
Women friends are important. 

PLAYBOY: How difficult is it for a rock- 
‘n'-roll star to have friends? 

RONSTADT: We all work so hard out here 
that we isolate ourselves. It used to be, 
before we all had nice houses, that we 
all lived in crummy apartments and it 
was so depressing that we all went out 
to dubs every night. And the clubs 
provided a surrogate family. But then 
we all got record deals and money and 


————— 
"If you are unfaithful to the 
man, I don't think you have 

an obligation to tell, 
because sometimes it is 
more destructive to tell." 


big houses and that surrogate family 
changed. It, іп a way, became the иай— 
you know, the people who help run your 
life—because our lives became so com- 
plicated with all the traveling. 1 don't 
have time for those little relationships 
that are important, I don't run out to 
the Troubadour every night. I have this 
nice house and I'm tired, so I slop down 
and watch TV. The success broke down 
something vital in the friendship process, 
as well as in the process of how we 
create music. 

PLAYBOY: What do you mean? 

RONSTADT: There was a time when I knew 
every single group or performer who 
came into town through the Troubadour. 
I knew every new trend in music so far 
before it was ever felt anywhere, because 
I was there when it was being formed. 
And, boy, it’s real interesting, what's 
going on in the music industry right 
now. I know а lot of pcople are getting 
laid off and it will be harder for new acts 
to get deals, but it also means that in 
order to support themselves, groups are 
going to have to go back to the clubs. 
Its just going to get smaller. Those 
giant, expensive tours, with 30 people, 
four semis, stuff like that, just cost too 


much money. I think it will ultimately 
give the music a kick in the pants. I 
think pop music was commanding a 
disproportionate influence on culture 
and now it's getting back to normal. It 
will still be important, but pop music 
will now just take a seat, instead of 
driving the entire train. People may not 
have to live their lives vicariously through 
rock-n-roll stars. То me, that was real 
oppressive, because not everybody is 
supposed to be a musician. 

PLAYBOY: Do you think this financial 
in the music business will be good? 
RONSTADT: Yes. The music will change 
and ultimately get better. We all got 
too greedy. It became an egotistical thing 
of saying how much money you got paid 
or how you just engineered a $1,000,000 
deal and all the bragging about what 
you got written into your concert riders, 
like cases of champagne, Perrier, caviar. 
PLAYBOY: Do you ask for tins of caviar 
in your concert contracts? 

RONSTADT: Too many calories. No, I once 
had written in that I wanted a case of 
Shasta Diet Chocolate, and then I heard 
that some of the promoters were having 
a terrible time and going to a lot of 
expense to get it and 1 said, “Well, 
Tab is OK.” But once, I saw these silk 
nightgowns I really wanted. They were 
so КЕДЕ, and so expensive. It маз 
time to re th my record company 
and I considered asking the company to 
buy them. But why should it? They 
aren't necessary and have nothing to do 
with the music. I thought, Well, if 1 
want them, I'll just buy them myself. 
PLAYBOY: Docs what you've been saying 
mean you'll go back to playing clubs? 
RONSTADT: I think the club scene will get 
real healthy again and it will give some 
acts places to play. But there are some 
practical reasons why it would be hard 
for me to play clubs like the Roxy and 
it's not because I've gotten lazy or selfish. 
For what I would be paid to play a club, 
1 couldn't pay one member of my band 
а week's salary. The way costs have es- 
calated and the particular economic 
sandwich I am in right now, I can't 
afford it—at least not all the time, But 
I plan to play the Palomino and do odd 
clubs during the tour. I need the feed- 
back, 

PLAYBOY: Why weren't you involved in 
the benefits opposed to nuclear power? 
RONSTADT: 1 didn't have a band and 1 felt 
it might be construed as an attempt on 
my part to start stumping for Jerry 
Brown. 

PLAYBOY: What's wrong with that? 
RONSTADT: I feel it can be dangerous for 
me as an artist to get involved with 
issues and, particularly, with candidates. 
But at some point, 1 feel like I can't not 
take a stand. I think of pre-Hitler Ger- 
many, when it was fashionable for the 
Berliners not to get involved with poli- 
tics and, meantime, this horrible man 


115 


© 1979 R. J. Reynolds Tobacco Co. 


> When your tásté 
"Winston outtastes 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 


That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


BOX. 19 mg. 
13 mg. nicotine, 


PLAYBOY 


took power. But it is difficult for me as 
a public person. I don't want people to 
take my word for something because they 
like my music. That's a danger in itself. 
l am real aware of my ability to influ- 
ence impressionable people and I am 
reluctant to wield that power. If I am 
saying things about nuclear power, I 
want people to go out and learn about 
it. I don't want them to say "No nukes” 
because Jackson [Browne] and Linda 
say it. I don’t want them to think that 
to be hip, they have to be a no-nukes 
person. I dont want people to think 
about issues when they hear my music. I 
really want them to hook their dreams 
onto what I am singing. When I'm out 
in public, I vant to be singing. 

PLAYBOY. But you are stumping for 
Brown. You had a $1000-a-couple dinner 
for him and you're doing concerts, some- 
thing you said you'd never do. 

RONSTADT: You know how most people 
burn their bridges behind them? Well, 
l have a tendency to burn my bridges 
ahead of me. I swore up and down I 
wouldn't do a benefit for Jerry. The 
artistic reason is the selfish reason, but 
also, I always thought that if I did a 
concert for Jerry, it would be perceived 
by the public as him tying to use me. 
They would say, “I told you all aloni 
‘The basis of their relationship is that 
she can do concerts for him and make 
him a lot of money." But Шеге is no 
way for me to stay neutral. If I won't 
support him, and I know him best, it 
looks like an attack. І would like him 
to be able to speak his ideas. 1 think they 
are really important and good and, for 
the most part, he's right. It's so hard for 
me, not only as a public figure but also 
as someone who believes in him, cares 
about him, is close to him and is on his 
side. 1 want to be on his side. 

PLAYBOY: What's the reaction to your lim- 
ited public support of Brown? 

RONSTADT: I'm going to take a lot of heat 
for it, but I'm ready. I just don't feel 
that any of the alternatives are as good 
as Jerry, and that's what it comes down 
to. Look at it this way: The Eagles and 
J, in a way, represent the antinuclear 
concern. Westinghouse is heavily in- 
vested in nuclear power. A candidate 
like Ronald Reagan can go to Westing- 
house and ask for lots of money and de- 
spite the $1000 limit, Westinghouse can 
commandeer huge sums of money. Plus, 
it can hire lawyers and take out huge ads 
in the newspapers and continue to brain- 
wash the American public about the 
safety of nuclear power, which 1 think 
is a lie. Jerry Brown can't go to West- 
inghouse. He can only go to the indi- 
viduals. He has no corporate financing 
for his ideology. A candidate like Jerry 
Brown can't go to Arco for money for 
solar power, because it’s not in the com- 


118 pany's interest. I believe it’s in the pub- 


lic interest to have a candidate who is 
interested in furthering technology like 
solar power and protecting us from 
things like nuclear power. 

PLAYBOY: Then you're not wary about ill- 
informed performers’ affeaing politics. 
RONSTADT: A lot of us were naive in the 
beginning about doing benefits. We 
tended just to take people's word for 
things. I don't now. I read newspapers, 
periodicals. I'm not saying I'm ап ex- 
pert, but I am a hell of a lot better 
informed than before and better in- 
formed than the average person. I think 
my opinion is informed enough to put 
out there. Richard Reeves wrote sar- 
castically about how nobody would pay 
$400,000 an hour to watch him type, 
but Richard Reeves, in fact, swings much 
more influence with a typewriter than I 
ever could. He's а political writer. He 
sways public opinion every day. Doing 
a concert for a candidate can't swing 
an election. We flatter ourselves to think. 
that. What I can do is provide better 
access to the public forum, and then it's 
up to the public to decide. Artists likc 


“T think pop music was 
commanding a dispropor- 
tionate influence on culture 
and now it's getting 
back to normal.” 


Jane Fonda, Joan Baez Vanessa Red- 
grave, І say more power to them, they 
are sticking out their necks. I don't par- 
ticularly want to stick out my neck. But 
1 don't see how I can not take a stand. 
It’s dangerous territory for me, that's 
for sure. But if Frank Sinatra is going 
to do a benefit for Reagan, then I guess 
I have to do a benefit for Jerry. 
PLAYBOY: Let's return to your musi 
Where do your songs come from? 
RONSTADT: Mostly, I get them from my 
friends. And from those situations late 
at night when a bunch of people have 
gotten together and gone through a lot 
of social ritual and the defenses are 
down and you get real bored. The best 
cure for boredom is music, and that's 
when the ideas start coming and your 
fingers start to ache and you start har- 
monizing, and then someone says, "I 
just wrote а tune,” and you take the 
plunge. I keep getting all these funny 
demos from housewives and I keep pray- 
ing one of those songs is going to be bril- 
liant. It never is. 

PLAYBOY: Have you ever sung anything 
you felt was perlect? 

RONSTADT: I sang Sorrow Lives Here in 
Tokyo once and I thought it was per- 


fect. I got this reading on this one line 
exactly the way I wanted to do it. 1 
remember that night. 

PLAYBOY: Is therc one song you never get 
sick of singing? 

RONSTADT: Yeah, Willin’. Lowell George 
wrote that, bless his heart. You know, 
I am completely an emotional singer. 1 
have to be emotionally connected to a 
song or I can't sing it. 1 was оп Satur- 
day Night Live one time and had to sing 
a song about saccharine. 1 just couldn't 
remember the lyrics, and finally I 
thought about how miserable I'd be if 
there weren't any Tab and I got the 
song. It was the same thing with Alison. 
Peter [Asher] heard that song and sai 
"That's a hit for someone." It wasn't 
until I met a girl who was just like the 
girl in the song and I felt 1 had this 
message for her. Then I wanted to re- 
cord the song. Even when 1 needed a 
hit, I turned down songs I knew would 
be hits because I couldn't emotionally 
connect with the song. 

PLAYBOY: Given the tragedies some of 
your fellow rock 'n' rollers have suffered 
in the past ten years, do you ever look 
around and pat yourself on the back just 
for surviving? 

RONSTADT: Yeah, I feel pretty good. I 
didn't become a ch addict. I didn't 
become a compulsive liar. Sometimes 
I think Im going to be like Anna 
Karenina and throw myself under a train 
She is а great lesson to me and I think 
of her every time I think about getting 
off the path. The thing that screws up 
people in my position more than any- 
thing is isolation. Because if you become 
isolated, then you don't get ideas; and if 
you don’t get ideas, then you think that 
you can't do it anymore and you start 
to fall. 

PLAYBOY: Are you afraid of falling? 
RONSTADT: [hat's the other thing that 
screws up people in my position, the 
idea you're not allowed to fall. It's 
perfectly natural to fall, especially if 
you get up afterward, 

PLAYBOY: You sound pretty sane these 
days. 

RONSTADT: Part of learning how to stay 
sane is learning not to attach yourself 
to things that cannot be yours. I'm 
pretty good at letting go of them. Even 
with things I want very badly, with 
there was always а real reason 
why I couldn't have them and it turns 
out for the best. That goes for songs, 
business, теп... 

PLAYBOY: This has nothing to do with 
the boyfriend you won't discuss, of 
course, but do you ever think about bc- 
ing First Lady of thc United States? 
RONSTADT: Sometimes. It's a pretty funny 
thought. But if I thought about it seri- 
ously, I would probably die laughing. I 
like my job. And the pay is a lot better. 


Some things just naturally go together. 


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Enjoy our quality in moderation. 
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MEDICINE > 
AND 
THE MIND 


why do some people get sick 
while others don’t? 
a growing number of respected 
doctors think the 
answer lies not in body 
but in spirit 


ML 
W's 


article Bu ПАМІП НІ АГК 


MIRACLES HAPPEN all the time. Doctors 
call them spontaneous remissions. 

In 1964, Norman Cousins, then editor 
of Saturday Review, exhausted himself 
in Russia as chairman of an American 
delegation on cultural exchange and, 
upon returning to America, fell critically 
ill with ankylosing spondylitis, a degen- 
erative disease of the connective tissues 
in the spine. The glue that bound his 
cells together was disintegrating., Cous- 
ins, one of the most active and respected. 
humanists of our time, a man whose 

career had always been marked by 
flexibility of intellect, was becoming 

physically rigid. He had spent a 

lifetime being outspoken and 
now he was so paralyzed he 


PLAYBOY 


could hardly open his mouth. 

“The prognosis.” says Cousins, “was 
progressive paralysis; I was told I'd have 
to make a choice between having my 
body freeze sitting up or lying down.” 
The doctors told Cousins his chance for 
recovery was one in 500. 

"I didn't care what the doctors said 
the disease was. They could have said it 
was cancer multiplied by ten. And I 
would have said, “ОК, boys, you just tend 
to your business; I'll tend to mine.’ "" 

Cousins smiles sweetly and, stretching 
his legs, crosses his feet at the ankles. 
His pants cuff catches on the top of one 
of his Wellingtons and he nimbly 
reaches down to free it. Not the gesture 
of a man who 16 years ago was told by 
specialists that he would have to get 
used to a life as a living statue. 

“When I discovered the disease was 
serious,” he says, “I had а much better 
attitude toward it than when I thought 
it was transient. Before, it was something 
to accept passively; I had put myself in 
other people's hands. Now it became a 
challenge; I realized I'd better get into 
the act and take an interest in the case,” 

His smile widens. The happier he 
grows at the memory, the more clearly 
marked his features become—as though 
joy, in a very real way, defines him. “I 
was curious,” he says, "and had this great 
experimental desire. I didn't have to 
kill any sheep or dogs to do my experi 
ment. I had a beautifully self-contained 
laboratory: me.” 

He had remembered the work of a 
Montreal doctor, Hans Selye, who a dec- 
ade earlier, in 1956, had published a 
book based on his pioneer study of how 
stress could adversely affect body chem- 
isuy and cause illness, Cousins had as- 
sumed the reverse was also true, that 
positive emotions, like love, hope, faith, 
the will to live and joy, could promote 
health. So he discharged himself from 
the hospital—a very stressful environ- 
ment, “the last place someone sick should 
Eo," he now claims—and checked into а 
hotel, where he was more comfortable, 
the service was better and the cost was 
less. From Alan Funt, Cousins borrowed a 
movie projector and some classic recls of 
Candid Camera. Не also stocked his 
medicine cabinet with Marx Brothers 
films, E. B. and Katharine White's 
Subtreasury о] American Humor, Мах 
Eastman’s The Enjoyment of Laughter 
and the works of Р. С. Wodehouse, 
James Thurber, Ogden Nash, S. J. 
Perelman and—he confides, "if you 
promise not to tell anybody” (I didn’t 
promise)—"even Bennett Cerf. 

“I made a very interesting discovery," 
he says "Ten minutes of solid belly 
laughter would give me two hours of 
pain-free sleep." 

A decade later, in the mid-Seventies, 


122 scientists discovered that the brain pro- 


duces proteins called endorphins, which 
are natural morphinelike painkillers. 
Apparently, laughter—and, in general, 
any happy. relaxed state—triggers the 
production of endorphins. So the anes- 
thetic effect of Cousins’ self-prescribed 
therapy of joy has a scientific basis. Fur- 
thermore, laughter seemed not only to 
reduce his pain but also to help cure 
him. Because of its anesthetic effect, he 
no longer had to take sleeping pills and 
painkillers, which affect the endocrine 
system and interfere with the body's own 
healing mechanisms. Cousins found that 
after each session of laughter, his sedi- 
mentation rate—a gauge of how severe 
an infection or inflammation is— 
dropped a significant five points. 

He also took massive doses—25 
grams—of vitamin C, which lowered his 
sedimentation rate even more. “At the 
end of the critical two weeks during 
which I took the love, laughter and 
ascorbicacid [vitamin С] therapy, I was 
able to move my thumbs,” says Cousins, 
working his thumbs like Danny Kaye 
singing Thumbelina in Hans Christian 
Andersen, “and 1 knew 1 was going to 
make it all the way.” He now plays 
tennis an average of three times a week. 

Orthodox doctors have trouble with 
Cousins’ case. If he had gone to Lourdes, 
they would have been skeptical enough. 
But a pilgrimage to the Marx Brothers? 
Traditional physicians tend to explain 
Cousins’ improvement as something that 
would have happened anyway—that one- 
in-500 chance—or, as the result of the 
placebo effect—improvement due to a 
patient's (and sometimes also a doctor's) 
belief in an otherwise useless therapy. 
But neither of those cautious explana- 
tons explains much. What was it that 
made Cousins that one in 500? If love, 
laughter and vitamin C did not cure 
him, how did the belief that they would 
cure him make him healthier? Just what 
is the connection between the spirit and 
the flesh—between a healthy body and 
a healthy mind? 


. 

If Cousins’ cure were the only one оп 
record, it would be casy to dismiss it 
as a fluke. But doctors have often had 
to deal with miracle cures—and with 
equally inexplicable dedines in health— 
associated with dramatic changes in 
mood or expectation. Sixty-four miracle 
cures—including regeneration of with- 
ered limbs—have been documented at 
Lourdes alone since the turn of the cen- 
tury. And about 200 cases of regressions 
of terminal cancers have been published. 
Then there are thousands of cases of 
dows and widowers who die within 
days of their spouses, of people who have 
heart attacks shortly after being fired 
from their jobs, of others who fall seri- 
ously ill following divorces. There are 
the results of a study done recently by 


Caroline Thomas and Karen Duszynski 
of Johns Hopkins University School of 
Medicine that found a significant psy 
chological similarity among medical stu 
dents who later developed malignant 
tumors; the patients seemed to share a 
feeling that they were not close to their 
parents. How сап a feeling of estrange- 
ment from parents lead to cancer? And 
what can a medical doctor do about it? 
There are no pills that can heal a rup- 
ture within a family. 

There are the results of startling—and 
ethically questionable—experiments re- 
ported by the late Dr. Henry K. Beecher 
of the Harvard Medical School. Patients 
suffering from angina pectoris were given 
sham arterial-bypass operations: They 
were merely cut and sewn up. But the 
patients generally expected the opera- 
tion to improve their condition and, in 
fact, they did as well as patients who 
were given real bypass operations. Ap- 
parently, something other than surgery 
was at work. 

The maiden who pines away for love 
and the healthy Haitian who dies after 
having a voodoo curse placed on him are 
not fictions. They are realities tradition- 
al modern medicine has tended to deny 
or ignore. If civilization is a hospital 
ward, the maiden and the Haitian live 
in the forest surrounding the hospital 
grounds. And the rest of us—with a few 
brave and inquisitive exceptions—try 
unsuccessfully to reassure one another 
that their howls of pain are the sound 
of the wind in the woods. Mysterious 
changes in health seem, at least at first, 
to threaten the rational myths upon 
which our culture is based. We want to 
believe medicine is technology, because 
if it is, we can improve our health merely 
by building better machines. Any other 
model of medicine might suggest that to 
improve our health, we must somehow 
improve our very selves. 

We could understand it if mood or 
behavior changes followed improvements 
or declines in health. But often the mood 
or behavior change occurs simultaneous- 
ly with or even before the change. This 
sounds too much like magic—or, worse, 
religion. At least in magic, the one spin- 
ning the spells is human; if magic proved 
useful, doctors could grab the wands. If 
religion rules health, doctors must defer 
to divines. We drown in disease or wait 
for an almighty hand to still the waters. 

Whatever the agent of these mysteri- 
ous cures and illnesses, doctors have 
found it harder and harder to deny that 
such improvements and declines have 
some significance in the practice of re- 
sponsible medicine: first, because the 
more they look, the more they find that 
expectation—or attitude, temperament, 
mood, personality, call it what you will— 

(continued on page 211) 


123 


е truly fun people!" 


d the Shimititsus ar. 


“Тһе Kitamutos an 


PLAYBOY'S 
PLAYMATE REUNION 


what an anniversary! 
25 years of centerfold beauties gather al playboy mansion west 
to celebrate with the man who made it all possible 


In the beginning was the $600, the type- 
writer on the kitchen table and a young 
man's dream—to publish а magazine thot 
would "respond to the repressive, antisexval, 
anti-play-and-pleasure aspects of aur 

puriton heritage.” Also, that would allow 

him to meet a lol of beautiful women. Amang 
titans of industry, this is known as o fringe 
benefit. At the Playmote Reunion, Hef 
found himself awash in benefits, in the 

form of 11 Playmates of the Year (above). 
The ladies are (front row] Cyndi Wood (1974), 
Monique St. Pierre (1979), Debra Jo Fondren 
(1978), Liv Lindelond (1972), Linda Gomble 
(1961); (second row) Connie Kreski (1969), 
Claudia Jennings (1970), Lillian Müller (1976), 
Jo Collins (1965), Allison Parks (1966) and 
lisa Baker (1967). At left, Hef is double- 
teamed by the original girl-next-door Ploy- 
mate, Janet Pilgrim, and Phi Beta Koppa Play- 
mate Vicki McCarty (Miss September 1979). 


| WAS A FANTASY come alive, 
a daydream you could touch. On 


one of the hotest days of а Los 


Angeles September, the most elite 
sorority in the world gathered at 
Playboy Mansion West for a first- 
timeever meeting. There were 
women in tank tops, in disco 

ts, in shortshorts, in slit 
skirts, in sce-through dresses, in 
tailored suits. Some were self- 
assured, others nervous. Most 
werc stunning; none was less than 
attractive. They came in all sizes 
but only one basic shape, because 
what all these women had in 
common was that cach had 
reached a pinnacle of popular 
culture; Each had been а PLAYBOY 
Playmate. 

The reunion was the idea of 
ктлүвоү Editor-Publisher Hug 
M. Hefner, who invited 25 years 
of Misses January through De- 
cember to spend a weekend 
getting acquainted and reac- 
quainted, all expenses paid. It 
was a fitting way to sum up 
PLAYBOY's 25tlranniversary year, 
he thought, for, as he told the 
assembled throng, "Without you, 
I'd have a literary magazine 

Geuing in touch with the 307 
women who'd been Playmates 
(text continued on page 234) 


More scenes from the reunion at Playboy Mansion West. At top left is Jayne Marie Mansfield, who was featured in a PLAYBOY pictarial in 
July 1976 ond is the doughter of the late famed actress Jayne Mansfield, our February 1955 Playmate. Miss April 1979, Missy Cleveland 
(top right), chats with longtime PLAYBOY contributors Shel Silverstein and LeRoy Neiman. Above, Hef shows himself to be а good skate 

in the company of current and potentiol Playmates Terri Welles, Candy Collins (December 1979) and Victoria Cooke. You may hove 


Top left: Hef and his secretory Joni Mattis (in background) greet 
Playmate Eleanor Bradley, whose February 1959 centerfold appears 
at top right. Joni, herself Miss November 1960, and Eleanor were 
regulars on Playboy's Penthouse, Hef's first syndicated TV show. 
Above: Hef compliments February 1973 Playmate Cyndi Wood (her 
gatefold is above left) on her performance in Apocalypse Now. 


Janet Pilgrim is the only Playmate to have appeared three times in our 
centerfold: in July 1955, December 1955 (that’s the Playmate photo 
she’s posing with above) and October 1956. It’s clear that Janet has 
changed little, but attitudes about nudity have: Her centerfold, thought 
racy іп 1955, recently was televised in prime time on NBC-TV's Real 
People. Twenty years separated the appearances of Marianne Gaba 
(September 1959 centerfold at far left) and Missy Cleveland (April 1979), 
but both look great today (near left). Below: Four Playmates model for 
Hef their new promotional costumes, designed by Walter Holmes (who 
was responsible for creating the Jet Bunny uniforms for Playboy's DC-9). 


At near right, Playmate 
Janice Pennington at 
the reunion and as she 
appeared in the maga- 
zine (May 1971). Janice 
hes been с regular on 
the TV game show The 
Price Is Right for the 
past seven years. 

For right: Norwegian 
Playmate Lillian Miller 
with her August 1975 
centerfold. 
appearance in PLAYBOY 
soon led toa film career 
and the 1976 Playmate 
of the Year title. 


Above, Playmate Connie Mason gets reacquainted with riaveoy Staff Photographer Pompeo 
Posar. Pompeo was responsible for shooting Connie’s June 1963 centerfold (above right), and 
has done 49 others during his 20-year career with the magazine. Connie worked as a Bunny in 
the Miomi and Chicago Playboy Clubs in the early Sixties, was a successful fashion model after 
that and now has a grown daughter who was also a Bunny, in New York in 1976. Below: 
Playmate Rosanne Katon (September 1978) with pro-football superstar turned actor Jim Brown. 
Rosanne is a regular in the TV series White Shodow. Playmate Kristine Hanson (September 
1974), seen interviewing Hef at the reunion, was the one TV newsperson at the event with an 
extraspecial insight into what it means to be a Playmate. Her interview was for her own 

show, Weeknight, a magazine-format news-and-feature program on KCRA-TV in Sacramento. 


E Ұ 
Above: December 1964 Playmate Ja Collins, 
best known for her widely publicized trip to 
Vietnam, is seen above right signing her 
centerfold оп а Playmate-covered rec-room 
wall. Below: Miss December 1963, Donna 
Michelle, who was 1964 Playmate of the 
Yeor, swaps recallections with Hef. Danna 
switched to the ather side of the lens in 1974 
to shoat the Ptaveoy feature Donna Clicks. 


Playmate Julie Woodson used her April 1973 
appearance in the magazine (left) to 
enhance a successful career as an actress and 
fashion model. At the reunion (below left), 
she poses again, this time for the pen of artist 
LeRoy Neiman. Below: Playmate Delilah 
Henry, who used the professional name Teddi 
Smith when she appeared in the magazine 

in July 1960 (bottom), gives Hef a hug. 


Above, Playmate Miki Garcio poses with photographer Mario Cı 

in front of the blowup of her Janvory 1973 centerfold. Miki is now o 
Ployboy executive, Director of Playmote Promoti 

keeps on shoofing—at lost count, he hod done 53 centerfolds for the 
mogazine. Below: TV-gome-show host Richard Dawson, who emceed 


the reunion program for television, presents Julia Lyndon, Miss August 
1977, with the keys to one of two Volvo Bertones awarded in с lottery. 


Below, the reunion luncheon gives two of PLAYBOY’s most famous con- 
Alberto Vargo: end LeRoy Neiman, the chance to tolk 
c little shop. Vargas hes been portraying feminine beauty for more 
than 50 years, first for Flo Ziegfeld, then for Esquire ond, for the post 
20 years, for PLAYBOY. Below center: Hef greets May 1966 Ploymate 
Dolly Read ard her husband, comedian Dick (Lough-In) Martin. 


tributing orti 


Above left: Producer Allon 
(Grease) Carr, actress Valerie 
Perrine (who stars in Corr's 
newest film, Can't Stop the 
Music) ond singing great 

Mel Tormé drop by the re- 
union to chat with Hef. Above: 
25th-anniversary Playmate 
Candy Loving, whose appecr- 
ance capped a nationwide 
hunt, pases with а blowup of 
her centerfold. Above right: 
1979 Playmate of the Year 
Monique St. Pierre is ot the 
center of the disco action as с 
friend admires her Rabbit 
necklace, given to each Ploy- 
mate at the reunion. Left: 
October 1965 Playmate Alli- 
son Parks shores some of the 
magic with Hef. Her center- 
fold (below left) led to her 
being chosen 1966 Playmate 
of the Year. Bottom left: Play- 
mate Sondra Theodore wat 
all smiles ot the reunion but o 
trifle more reserved in her 

July 1977 centerfold (below). 


Playmate Carol Vitale July 
1974) is shown putting her 
vital statistics into motion 

оп the dance floor (left) 

асе cameraman Mario Cosilli. 
Talk about fringe benefits: 

Bet you thought being a 
PLAYBOY photographer was all 
work. Below: Why is this man 
smiling? In one of the more 
remarkable moments of a 
remarkable event, Hef is sur- 
rounded by Playmates for a 
heart-stopping picture. How 
many girls next door is оле 
man entitled ta? Surely, 

so much beauty in ane place 
violates some zaning ordi 
nance—even in California. For 
Hef, it was a dream come 
true. Just think. He could have 
published Car and Driver 

and ended up with a yard full 
of Edsels. A mere mortal in 
this situation would have been 
speechless. But Hef rose to the 
‘occasion, describing the day 
as “something that will stay 
with me as long as | live.” 


132 


YERTHROW OF CASTRO is possible; 
Bobby Kennedy told Richard 
Helms amid the controlled chaos 

of his fifth-lloor office at the Justice 
Department. An aide to the CIA clan- 
destine services’ Helms wrote rapid- 
ly to keep up with the Attorney 
General's staccato cadence. "A solu- 
tion to the Cuban problem today car- 
ried top priority in U. S. Government. 
No time, money, effort —or manpow- 
fis to be spared. Yesterday . . . the 
President had indicated to him that 
the final chapter had not been writ- 
ten it's got to be done and will be 
donc." 

President John F. Kennedy was still 
smarting from the Bay of Pigs fiasco 
and, as his brother had told Helms, 
was determined to settle the score. 
Helms's response was to place М 
liam King Harvey in charge of what 
would be known within the agency as 
Task Force W. Two-gun Bill Harvey, 
foil of Soviet spy Kim Philby, fore- 
man of the Berlin tunnel, was the 
CIA’s heaviest hitter, Harvey's ap- 
poinunent, more than anything else 
Helms could do, would convince the 
Kennedy Administration that the CIA 
meant business. 

Brigadier General Edward Lans- 
dale, Kennedy’s "Cuba Commander,” 
was suitably impressed. He intro- 
duced Harvey to the President as the 
American James Bond. 

The President's enthusiasm for Jan 
Fleming and the improbable esca- 
pades of his British superagent, 007, 
was well publicized, so Lansdale must 
have been more than a little flattered 
when John Kennedy remarked to him 
one day that he was America’s answer 
to Bond. Lansdale, with all due mod- 
esty, demurred, suggesting that the 
real American 007 was this fellow 
Harvey, whom Helms had just put on 
the Cuba case. Naturally, the Presi- 
dent wanted to meet the man, and 
before long, Harvey and Lansdale 
were sitting outside the Oval Office, 
waiting to be ushered in. 

As Lansdale told the story, he 
turned to Harvey and said, "You're 
not carrying your gun, are you?" Of 
Course he was, Harvcy replied, start- 
ing to pull a revolver from his pants 
pocket. Aghast at what the Secret 
Service might do if this strange-look- 
ing man were suddenly to draw a 
gun. Lansdale quickly told Harvey to 
keep the damn thing in his pants 
until he could explain to the agents 
that the gentleman would like to 
check his firearm. Harvey turned over 
the gun and was about to enter the 


ILLUSTRATION BY THOMAS INGHAM 


Oval Office when suddenly he remem- 
bered something. Reaching behind 
him, he whipped out a 38 Detective 
Special from a holster snapped to his 
belt in the small of his back and 
handed it to the startled Secret Serv- 
ice agents. 

The President left no record of his 
reaction to the sight of his American 
Bond—this red-faced, popeycd, bullet- 
headed, pear-shaped man advancing 
on him with a ducklike strut that was 
part waddle and part swagger. Har- 
vcy's deep, gruff voice must have rc- 
stored the President's faith in 007 
somewhat, but Ian Fleming would 
never read the same again. 

. 

William Harvey's father was the 
most prominent attorney in Danville, 
Indiana, a small town 20 miles west 
of Indianapolis, and his grandfather 
was the founder of the local news- 
paper. In 1936, on the strength of his 
father’s name and the endorsement 
of his grandfather's newspaper, Har- 
үсу himself ran for prosecuting attor- 
ney in Hendricks County while still 
a student at Indiana University law 
school. Despite The Danville Gazette's 
promise that “Billy is a keen student 
and his election would be a great 
benefit to the people of Hendricks 
County," Harvey was a Democrat іп a 
staunchly Republican county, and he 
lost by 880 votes out of 12,000 cast. 

Staying in Indiana only long 
enough to collect his law degree, Har- 
vey and his young wife, the former 
Elizabeth McIntire—called Libby by 
her friends—moved to the small Ohio 
River town of Maysville, Kentucky, 
where he opened a one-man practice. 
Harvey went through the топо! 
joining the Rotary Club and working 
with the boy scouts, but he never 
really made a go of it in Maysville. 
"In a small town, you have to be nice 
to people and smile,” said a local 
insurance broker, one of Harvey's 
friends. "He didn't meet people 
well. He didn't indulge in small 
talk. He could walk down the street 
and not speak to anybody.” Harvey 
did little more than “sit around in 
the office and fiddle with his соПес- 
tion of guns and knives.” 

No one was very surprised in De- 
cember of 1940 when Harvey left 
Maysville and joined the FBI, start- 
ing in the Pittsburgh field office. By 
1945, he had made his way to FBI 
headquarters іп Washington as part 
of a small vanguard of three agents— 
himself, (continued on page 198) 


THE 
AMERI 


JAMES BOND: 


A TRUE 
STORY 


top spy william harvi 
Шын him ДО?) 
tapped the berlin 
tunnel and conspired 
against castro— 

but his own 
government gave 

him the fiercest fight 


article [Л DAVID C. MARTIN 


TABLES HAVE 
` TURNED! 


ТІНЕ 


oh, the music still goes 

round and round, but there 
have been sensational 
improvements in the machines 
that do the spinning 


Opposite page: You're looking at ће 
shape of things to come: Sony's rev- 
olutionory DAD-IX Digital Audio 
Disc Player that should hit the market 
in about five years equipped with а 
helium-neon laser light in lieu of a 
tonearm and stylus, thus eliminoting 
all surface noises. Projected price for 
the DAD-IX is not established ond 
owners will have to revamp their 
record collections, as it ploys plastic- 
coated polished-aluminum discs hous- 
ing computer-code bits of musical 
information. Right, top to bottom: 
Phase Linear’s Model 8000 Series Il 
tumtable incorporates с linear track- 
ing tonearm that keeps the stylus per- 
fectly tangent to the groove; all 
controls are on the outside of the dust 
cover, about $750. It’s shown here 
equipped with an Ortofon Concorde 
20 ultralight cartridge, from Pocific 
Stereo, Chicogo, $125. The LP-3000U 
is а quartz-lock, direct-drive turntable 
with a digital speed indicator; it fea- 
tures a linear tracking tonearm with 
automatic programing, which allows 
the owner to choose the trocks on an 
album he wishes to hear, by Aiwa, 
$1200 complete. Yamaha's YP-D71 
is a quartzlock, directdrive double- 
servo turntoble with tonearm sensors 
that eliminote end-of-record surface 
noise, $330; plus an MC-1X cortridge, 
alo by Үатоһо, $250. Optenice's 
RP-4705, а fully outomotic, direct 
drive turntable, features controls out- 
side the dust cover, $280. Ours is 
equipped with an Ortofon Concorde 
20 ultrolight cortridge, from Pacific 
Stereo, Chicago, $125. Technics’ 51- 
10, а compact, direct-drive turntable, 
is little larger thon an LP jocket cover; 
it functions fully automoticolly and 
silently when the cover is closed, by 
Panosonic, obout $600. Lost, the Micro 
Seiki BL-91 is с beltdrive ormless 
turntoble with о bose of ebony for 
maximum resistance 10 vibrations, 
$700, plus tonearm mount, $75, tone- 
arm, $225, ond оп ADC Model ХІМ 
Mark Ill Improved cortridge, $120, 
the lost from Pacific Stereo, Chicago. 


PHOTO BY NED PHILLIPS 


article By Norman Eisenberg 
A REVOLUTION in turntables may 
be an easy pun, but it aptly de- 
scribes what is happening (and 
what is about to happen) in a ma- 
jor area of home entertainment. 
‘The innovation, which is still wait- 
ing in the wings but threatens to 
come onstage at its own cue, is 
digital sound, Why the fuss? Ac- 
cording to Sony, which has been 
working on digital-audio-disc sys- 
tems since 1976 and whose latest 
version—the model DAD-1X—is 
shown here, digital audio repre- 
sents such an advance in the qual- 
ity of recorded and reproduced 
sound over existing analog sound 
that its development is tantamount 
to bringing present-day audio “out 
of the Stone Age.’ 

Digital sound (also called pulse- 
code modulated sound, or PCM) 
is credited with banishing all the 
forms of distortion inherent in 
analog sound. Wow and flutter be- 
come ghosts of the past finally laid 
to rest. Dynamic range is increased 
to 95 dB or more as against the 50 
to 60 dB of the best analog discs. 
Frequency response is ruler flat 
across the audio range up to 20,000 
Hz within a mere +0.25 dB varia- 
tion. (For all you nontechnical 
buffs, that's terrific.) 

‘That kind of performance from 
a disc recording involves, as you 
might expect, a radically new kind 
of record and player to handle it. 
Basically, the system is a spin-off 
of video-disc technology, and so a 
few companies other than Sony 
also have prototypes or at least 
working models that are let out 
tentatively from the labs for a 
peck by the press and audio trade. 
‘The Sony model, like many others, 
uses a laser beam to scan the digit- 
ally pulsed signal on the specially 
coated disc. There is no physical 
contact between the record and a 
tracking stylus. That factor alone 
does away with record wear, 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY DON AZUMA 


PLAYBOY 


tracking distortion, stylus wear, sterco- 
channel lopsidedness and other de 
tries, not the least of which is the static 
charge that attracts dust. 

Аза final fillip, the Sony system, which 
runs at a speed of 150 rpm, can pack up 
to two and a half hours of playing time 
on the onesided disc, enough for many 
a full opera or a hefty rock concert, de- 
pending on your musical tastes. 

Before rushing out to queue up at 
your local hi-fi dealer, be advised that 
none of the impending systems is cur- 
rently in stock. Nor is any likely to be 
available for some time. Estimates as to 
just when vary from five to ten years. 

The reason for the delay is not that 
technology or production know-how is 
lacking but that the records themselves 
are. The PCM trend is still essentially a 
hardwarcinspired thrust, based largely 
on the audio possibilities inherent in a 
digitally encoded video disc. In that 
regard, it is unlike two earlier major 
changes in record playing—the long- 
playing or microgroove disc in the late 
Forties and the stereo disc about ten 
years later. 

Both of those upheavals started in the 
recording industry itself; and, in cach 
instance, it was a matter of hardware's 
following the new software, or new 
equipmenr's being developed to play the 
new kind of records. The digital disc, or 
at least the audio digital disc, has not 
been announced as a new home prog 
format by any recording compan 
in a sense, being thrust on the recording 
companies—and at а time when they are 
attempting to cope with a slew of prob- 
lems, from the rising cost of vinyl to 
shaky sales. 

As for digital sound as such, the record 
companies are just getting into it by 
ng digital tape recorders for making 
master tapes, which then are used for 
cutting and processing conventional ana- 
log discs. And even here, there are re- 
ports that the exact digital tape system 
to use can become a source of violent 
internal controversy among top record- 
ing executives, producers and performers. 

In the meantime, today's turntable re- 
mains a viable product, and the sheer 
number of new models— 
the improvements and refinements asso- 
ciated with them—seems ample testi- 
mony to the continued durability of 
records as we know them. There have 
been changes within that format, but 
they are evolutionary, not revolutionary. 

Record-buying and record-playing hab- 
its seem to be somewhat related to what 
has happened to turntables (and their 
working partners, tonearms and car- 
tridges) in the past few years. What has 


135 happened, of course, is the rise of the 


single-play turntable and the decline of 
the platter-plopping automatic model. 
One reason for its success is the indis- 
putable logic contained in the argument: 
Why pay for automation that you don't 
use? 

One of the first of the Seventies’ 
ples of the "economy manual" was the 
Pioncer PL?AC, a two-speed model 
(3314 and 45 rpm; the 78-rpm speed was 
summarily dropped as of no further in- 
terest to the current market) that sold in 
1972 for а mere 5100. A year later, hi-fi 
enthusiasts were attracted to a unit that 
had an even more intense appeal in afi- 
cionado terms. That model was the Tech- 
s SL-IIO0A, also а two-speed manual 
but costing (with mounting base) $350. 
"That price got you no automation, but 
it did get you state-oftheart perform- 
ance. It also—in common with other 
Technics turntables that soon began 
proliferating—reintroduced to Seventies 
hi-fi fans the phrase direct drive, which, 
together with other buzz words such as 
quartz locked and radial tracking, have 
become the new jargon for today's turn- 
tables. 

Direct drive suggests, of course, 
direct drive, which is actually how most. 
turntables operated and how many still 
do. The indirect-drive turntable uses a 
speed motor whose normal speed— 


exam- 


usually about 1800 rpm—must be re- 


duced to the 3314 or 45 rpm required by 
most records. The speed reduction, and 
the coupling of the energy to the rotat- 
ing platter, can be handled by an idler 
wheel or a belt. Because idlers tend to 
develop flats, and because they do not 
isolate the platter as effectively as belts, 
the beltdrive system became the pre- 
ferred choice for hi-fi applications. 

A direct-drive turntable uses a motor 
that rotates at the same speed as the 
platter, and coupling is literally direct, 
since the center spindle over which you 
place the record is an extension of the 
motor shaft. By definition, the slower a 
motor turns, the lower in frequency will 
be its rumble, which is all to the good. 
However, the control of such a motor— 
especially for the critical job of rotating 
a record—requires some fancy new tech- 
nology, such as servo control or the even 
fancier one known as quartz locked іп 
which a quartz crystal serves to “moni- 
tor” the speed and initiate any needed 
correction instantaneously (not unlike 
the quartz control used in watches), Gen- 
erally speaking, the cost of a quartz- 
locked-control turntable will be higher 
than that of а servo-controlled unit, 
n turn, will be more costly than 
е unit. To be sure, design 
features other than the drive system (such 
as the weight of the platter and the type 


of arm used) contribute to the varying 
costs, but the overall pattern is illus- 
trated by these cxamples. 

Yet another refinement on the quartz- 
locked direct-drive system is the quartz 
locked double servo system, which has 
both a frequency generator and a circuit 
known as the phase locked loop (PLL). 
The PLL is designed to enhance speed 
accuracy by freeing the turntable from 
small speed drifts caused by changes in 
temperature, load or voltage. In the new 
Yamaha YP-D71, for example, the PLL 
feature is incorporated by means of an 
integrated circuit. 

Despite the increasing popularity of 
direct drive, a healthy quota of belt-d 
turntables continues to be manufactured 
and enjoyed by a vast number of hi-fi 
Jisteners. But the newest versions are belt 
drive with a difference. For example, in 
the Philips АЕ-977, the motor is coupled 
to the platter via a belt, but a tachometer 
monitors the speed and signals any 
necded corrections through a PLL сіг- 
cuit. Philips calls this system есі 
Control. In the new belt-drive Visonik 
УТ-5300, the motor is servo controlled 
with the help of an internal frequency 
generator. Again, speed is constantly 
monitored and any needed adjustments 
are immediately made. 

The obvious concern with speed con: 
шо! (by whatever means) has less to do 
with the actual absolute speed as such 
than with those small, nagging short- 
term speed variations known as wow and 
flutter. Those slow and rapid, respectiv 
ly, speed variations can distort the musi- 
cal sound by introducing wavering pitch 
or birdies into it. No less disagreeable, 
and potentially more harmful, since it 
can introduce heavy distortion and over- 
load into a stereo system, the low- 
pitched noise known as rumble. While 
the direct-lrive system starts out with 
potentially low rumble, this virtue is 
hardly its exclusive accomplishment. 
Properly made belt-drive systems һауе 
inherently low ramble, too. It is, in the 
last analysis, a matter of how well any 
operating principle is applied and 
worked out in terms of the parts used 
and how cannily they have been as- 
sembled. 

"The moral is not to let any buzz word 
con you into buying a product that can 
not document its own performance in 
terms of hard specifications. A typically 
fine spec for wow and flutter (the two 
disorders are usually combined into one 
measurement) would be a weighted root 
mean square (WRMS) of about .03 
percent, and the lower that number, 
the better. A good rumble figure would 

(concluded on page 286) 


€ 


“No—it's a home for a wayward girl.” 


ALL THE 
FREAKING WAY 
TO THE BANK 


chuck barris didn’t get as rich 


as he is by misjudging the 
pleasures of the american tv fan 


personality 
By TRACY J. JOHNSTON 


JOIN CHUCK BARRIS AND SEE THE WEIRD 
is what the ad campaign says, and the 
finger of Barris, as Uncle Sam, is point- 
ing at you. No longer just a daytime 
television producer with a couple of 
game shows to his credit, Barris has be- 
come a significant packager of Ameri 
сап popular culture, and his specialty 
is that part of the culture that has 
traditionally been kept hidden: bawdy 
sex, lowbrow comedy, sideshow freaks 
and downright lunatic crazies. 

There are now five Barris shows on 
the air, providing more than eight 
hours a week of programing in most 
major markets. And all of them are 
stages on which genuine American 
characters (continued on page 238) 


LET THERE BE LIZ 


how many playmaies does it take to put an end to 
those dumb polish jokes? just one 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY KEN MARCUS 


hen Pope John Paul II made 
his historic visit to Chicago, he 
should have felt right at home— 


you don't have to go to Poland to find 
beautiful Polish women. Chicago is said 
to have a Polish population second only 
to Warsaw's; and Chicago is beautiful, 
Polish Liz Glazowski’s home town. Re- 
member when we scoured the country for 
our 25th Anniversary Playmate? Liz is 
one of our bonuses from that venture. 
“I'm impulsive. I heard about the Great 
Playmate Hunt, thought I'd make a good 
Playmate and went to the Mansion for 
an interview.” She came, we saw, we 
concurred. Liz was an ace secretary be- 
fore trading in her steno pad for a 


“Sex comes in three varieties: 
making love with the one you love, 
pure lust and making babies. I can 
tell you all about the first two.” 


NES 


model's portfolio. That's not all she does 
well: Miss April was a top basketball play- 
er at her high school. "I'm athletic; I loved 
playing basketball—now it's tennis. I want 
to stay in shape. When there's a 50th Play- 
mate Reunion, you'll still be able to recog- 
nize me." We've always believed a gi 
genes have something to do with how 
she'll look in her jeans when the 21st 
tury gets here, so we checked out Liz's 
mom. Not to worry: She's tiny and піш. 
And, by the vay. Liz adores her. She sur- 
prised us by being very traditional about 
some things . . . for example, her Catholi- 
cism. "I'd never take Communion from a 
woman. Nuns who want to be priests 
should leave the Church." What about 
celibacy? What if priests could marry? “If 
its OK with the Pope, its OK with me. 
But I've never met а priest I was partic- 
/" Who is she attracted 
For some rcason, I like Jewish guys: 
Liz is like that: She says things you just 
don't expect. But whenever she says some- 
thing really outrageous, there's ап irre- 
presible laugh sure to follow. Liz is 


“If you think women are jealous of you, 
they probably will be—you have 

a certain ait about you. I don't have that 
attitude. 1 don't think Рт more 
beautiful than anyone else; I’ve just 
tried lo hring out my best qualities— 


everyone has something special.” 


“A lot of people think know me. Nobody knows me. You 

can know certain sides oj a person, but you can never know 
someone totally—even someone very close—unless 

work at it. I don't even know myself as well as I'd like to.” 


“1 think Catholics are probably more guilt-ridden 
about sex than other people, but Гт not. I didn’t know 
how I felt for a long time. Being away from һотс-- 
from my family—gave me the time I needed to 

think about myself. I was able to resolve the problem 
and stay a Catholic. I still go to Mass.” 


headed for L.A., where she hopes to "get 
an offer I can't refuse" in films. Who's her 
choice for leading man? “John Travolta, 
of course.” Before you go. Liz, say some- 
thing sexy in Polish. “Nothing is sexy in 
Polish. But ja kocham ciebie means I love 
you.” It sounds sexy when you say it, Liz. 


ә Ж 


“Sex is healthy. It doesn't have to be with someone I'm 
madly in love with—what's love, anyway? How do you 
know if you love somebody? I’ve thought I've been in 
love many times, but obviously I haven't met the right 
person: that doesn't mean I can't enjoy going to bed 
with someone. People always say men take advantage 
of women. Women take advantage of men, too." 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


NAME: да, Mio uM bc 

виѕт: 98 А warst:_Q4Y HIPS: oa. 
HEIGHT: S D" weteHr: ШО ston: 

BIRTH DATE: ld —10 - 57 NATIONALITY: 
AMBITIONS: МҮМ. A Ue дий. 

Cromopoliingn, биол. Kul, 

qTuRN-ons: dU, OOM ee сш 
аон, aen. 

ТОКМ-ОЕЕ5: ұл мда, amd- poe pople, ubio, 


FAVORITE FOODS: 
FAVORITE DRINK: D QUAL, uh. Q- aqua М) Lw. 


PEOPLE YOU'D LIKE TO MEET: pn aa f, Қайы vem Inao, 
7 - 


PLACES YOU'D LIKE TO шыш 


FANTASIES: MMADENA. ANI, POU 


FAVORITE MUSICIANS: 


FAVORITE AUTHORS: 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


ing her cards carefully, the scheming new 
in the office finally landed a dinner invita- 
п from the handsome and macho sales 
manager. "Do you have a particular hobby, 
Brenda?" he asked her in the course of making 
small talk over liqueurs in the restaurant 

"Yes, ] do." Brenda answered brightly. “1 
grow mushrooms in the basement of the apart- 
ment house where 1 live alone." 

"Mushrooms? Thars a somewhat strange 
interest. Wh 

“Well, you see, Don.” was the purred re- 
sponse, “I'm fascinated by things that grow in 
the dark. 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines Biblical 
orgy as sharing the prophets. 


Ik was close to midnight when the telephone 
rang in the sex-therapy surrogate's apartment, 
"I'm all wound up and I've just go! to see 
you!” urged the voice of one of her newest 
patients, who had been making remarkable 
strides under her tutelage. 

“There, there—relax, relax." the woman re- 
sponded soothingly. “Just take two aspirins 
now, and then ball me in the morning.” 


Screamed a muscular housewife named Beth, 
As she choked her poor husband to death: 
“Tve never found lipstick 
Adoring your dipstick, 
But that's sure FDS on your breath!” 


You may possibly have heard about the cen- 
tral European sodomist who liked to backdate 
Czechs. 


When a curvaceous female midshipman officer 
at the Naval Academy noticed that one of the 
men she was inspecting during a formation 
had an erection, she snapped. "And what do 
you call that trouser bulge, mister 

"The culprit looked her straight in the 
he replied, “It's а onegun salute, ma'am.” 


The Baseball Supplement to our Unabashed 
Dictionary defines coitus interruptus as а 
braking ball. 


Since 1 sometimes go off prematurely,” a mas- 
ochist carefully explained to the young woman 
whose services he had encouraged, “please take 
it easy at first by keeping the foreplay down to 
some dirty looks and a few scathing remarks." 


1. says here,” commented the tourist consulting 
her guidebook, "that to assist the scholarly re- 
search it conducts on the subject, the Vatican 
has the world’s largest collection of porno- 
graphic material 
“And with all that chastity,” mumbled her 
husband, “the Vatican sure needs it.” 


What would be the chances for advancement, 
Mr. Klingle?" inquired the foxy job applicant. 
In my company, young lady,” responded 
Klingle jovially, "a girl with your qualities 
could go up, up, up! Provided, of course,” he 
added. "that she was willing to go down. 
down, down.” 


There once was a flasher named Paul 
Who stationed himself in a mall. 

He unzipped as he bowed 

To the curious crowd, 
Then extended his welcome to all. 


Scientific research has, at long last, produced 
something to measure the degree of female sex- 
ual arousal. It's called clitmus paper 


People in your line of work aren't always too 
smart,” grunted the half-crocked businessman 
оп the motel phone to an outcall service, “зо 
be damn sure you get it right: I want an intel- 
ligent blonde with big tits and a tight pussy!” 

"I'll come myself, sir,” responded the girl at 
the other end of the line 

Before long. there was a knock on the man's 
door. "Who is he called through the door. 

"It's Stephanie," replied a female voice, "and 
I'm looking for a gentleman named Ross with 
a big mouth and a little peter.” 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines ten-inch 
erection as double-digit inflation. 


Pm 


V screwed this crazy broad doggy style so much 
over the weekend,” boasted a cocksman. “that 
when I saw her on the street the next day, she 
was chasing motorcych 


Two quite elderly gentlemen were playing 
croquet in a park when onc of them, whose 
eyesight was very bad. hit his ball into an 
adjoining patch of woods. While searching for 
it, the oldsters happened upon a blasé young 
couple who were stretched out naked behind 
a bush. The poorsighted one would, in fact, 
have stumbled over the lovers if his friend 
hadn't grabbed his arm and guided him away. 
“Walter,” exclaimed the guide when they were 
out of earshot. ] you see what that young 
woman was doi 
‘Just barely," replied Walter. “And wasn't 
it an odd sort of mallet she was usi 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on a post- 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY, 
Playboy Bldg., 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, 
Ill. 60611. $50 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


А Ys ED 
od 


"I'm glad older women are being praised again — 
I was too young the first time." 


153 


KNOW A YOUNG MAN who claims he сап judge the fuckability of 
a woman by her shoes (e.g., a high-heeled, naked-looking sling- 
back connotes readier availability than a clog); and while this 
method of assessing female willingness is not to be guaranteed 

for its infallibility, it has at least the distinction of being the most 

amusing thing I've heard about sex in a long time. 

Alas, it did seem that much of the humor and whimsy went 
out of sex in the sullen Seventies. The young man with the in- 
cipient shoe Íctish—which he finds as funny as anyone—is one of 
the few people still liberated enough to laugh about sex. What 
hath sexual liberation wrought? How (continued on page 162) 


PL AYBOY'S attire by DAVID PLATT 
SPRING AND SUMMER up against the wall, everybody! 


warm-weather wear ison the way 


156 FASHION FORECAST PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD FEGLEY 


FASHION Is A LOT like music these days: No one style dom 
nates. And іп the same way that many are stocking tl 
ecord libraries with a cross section of music modes, it makes 


sense to think about stocking your wardrobe with a cross sec- 
tion of styles. Why should a taste for the classics preclude an 
appreciation of jazz, рор, rock, reggae or any other type you 
care to name? It doubtless be to the despair of some if 
this turns out to be the eclectic Eighties (fads and trends 


Above left: It's love ot first sight for his silk/wool/polyester striped 
tweed suit, about $375, that's worn with a cotton pinstriped shirt, 
about $48, and а mi lor silk necktie, obout $27.50, all by 
Alexander Julian. Above: More romance in the making ond he has 
doubled his pleosure with с double-breasted wcol/silk/polyester 
tweed suit that features a ventless jacket and straightlegged pants, 
by Macintosh, obove $200; plus a cotton dress shirt, about $28, 
and a 


;, about $13.50, both from Equipment by Henry Grethel. 157 


һссоше so much harder to predict апа capitalize upon). but 
from our point of view, it is encouraging cvidence of fashion 
sophistication. Ever since the so-called peacock revolution of 
the late Sixties, we have heralded the movement away from 
uniformity and championed individualism in dress. It seems to 
us that now there is a more mature attitude than rejecting 
the old (as in the aforementioned times when not just natural- 


158 shoulder but all suits were eschewed in favor of jeans) for 


Above left: Come roin or come shine, it’s obvious that this brew- 
loving lad's warm-weather outfit is right on the button. It includes an 
iridescent cotton zippered jacket featuring a quilted shawl collar and 
shoulder detail, plected back, elasticized waist tabs and double- 
entry pockets, $115, санап double-pleated slacks with а buton- 
through flap pocket and straight legs, $60, both by Paul Bayé for 
Azari Associates, and a cotton/nylan terryclath short-sleeved 4 
with a hidden placket front, from Chaps by Ralph Lauren, 525. 


the st, n 


uniform, Today, more men are refusing to be 
typed by pecr pressure or designer dic 

an open-minded willingness to examine and select style 

the multitude of directions that. abound. 


atural-shoulder stylings of an Alexander Julian or 
Banks or the more squarcdoff “European” suitin 

Macintosh or a Cardin, today’s man is willing to consider 
them all for the mix of his wardrobe. In fact, if you take 


Above right: Peekabac! She sees something she definitely wants to 
latch on to—her camera-toting boyfriend in a cotton zippered outer 
jacket with slightly padded raglan shoulders, band collar, zippered 
breast pocket, elasticized waistband and side-entry pockets, by Bobos 
Italian Sportswear, $98; worn with cotton carpenter slacks that have 
seven pockets (three zippered pockets, bellows packet, patch pocket 
and twa cargo pockets), by Gary Miller for Н. Rothschild, about $50; 


plus a silk taffeta short-sleeved shirt, by Gory Miller for Irka, $35. 159 


160 looks can easily bc put together. No тог 


a closc look at the seven outfits we've selected for our forecast, 
you will note that while the items range widely in levels of 
formality and attitude, there are an incredible number of 
outfits possible by interchanging their elements. And th 

y: From a relatively small ward- 
robe (and the styles here could practically make up an en- 
tire summer selection), a much larger number of handsome 
hnny One Note. 


the key to men's fashion toda 


Above left: There's no question who's getting the locks while walk- 
ing his baby back home, wearing а silk jacket with notched lapels, 
pleated detail, self yoke, bellows patch pockets and slightly padded 
shoulders, about $70, with double-pleated silk slacks that have 
straight legs, quarter-inch top pockets and a button-through flap 
back pocket, about $60, both by Gary Miller for Irka; plus a cotton 
plaid shortsleeved shirt with patch pockets, by New Man, about $62; 
and o canvas reversible belt, by The French American Group, $7.50. 


Above center: OK, Louis, drop the bad-ass Bogey imitation (or is it 
George Raft he’s doing?) when you come on in your funky tweed 
polyester/wool/silk double-breasted suit with a ventless jacket that 
has notched lapels, slightly padded shoulders and besom pockets 
and double-pleated pants with belt loops, on-seam pockets, button- 
through back besom pocket and straight legs, by Pierre Cardin, 
obout $240, plus a cotton knit shirt with a plocket front, from Allen 
Solly Бу Gont, about $22.50, and a straw hot, by Makins Hats, $30. 


Above right: Our end man's spring-and-summer wardrobe is nothing 
to take a back seat over (and neither is the girl he’s dating), as it in- 
cludes a multicolor silk tweed single-breasted ventless jacket with 
notched lapels and besom pockets, about $230, worn with linen slacks 
that have extension waist tabs, a reverse-pleated front, on-seam 
pockets and straight legs, about $70, both from Jeffrey Banks by 
Glanzrock, plus a cotton broadcloth shirt, about $27.50, and a 


tie, about $15, both by Jeffrey Banks Shirt Company. 161 


PLAYBOY 


162 plains nothing, although, in essence, d 


YOU HAVE TO BE LIBERATED 


(continued from page 151) 


“A sexually healthy culture does not fragment life 
into sexual and nonsexual components.” 


did sex get so grim and the Scventics 
so sullen? 

The screaming Sixties did not give way 
to the sullen Scventics all at once, of 
course. In fact, that frenctic period we 
usually refer to as the Sixties is really 
the late Sixties and the sulle: i 
are really the late Seventies 
were not sure what the flavor of a par- 
ticu decade was until it was almost 
over. But now it docs, indeed, seem dear 
that since 1975 or so, the decade turned 
sullener and sullener, sexually speaking, 
and a sense of humor between the sexes 
began to go the way of the myth of 
inal orgasm and condoms behind the 
ugstore counter. 

Is there any reason to believe this will 
change in the Eighties? 1 hope so, but 
Ше signs hardly look promising. The 
women's movement, for all its vital work, 
seems to have left a legacy of male ner 
ousness about offending "new" women; 
the “sexual revolution” (which to my 
mind has hardly even begun) seems to 
have unleashed a mammoth backlash 
among America’s ever-present guardians 
of morality; reproductive Ircedom seems 
once again under attack; book banning, 
if not burning, is still going strong (when 
school libraries ban Gnomes for its 

"nudity"—perhaps we should say "gnu- 
di ou know that somebody's funny 
bone has been amputated); and while 
grim female sep ue about 
whether or not women who sleep with 
men are “really feminists,” even grimmer 
Right-to-Lilei ae about the civil 
rights of fetuses our daughters aren't 
суеп old enough to gestate. (What would. 
the founding fathers—not to mention 
mothers—have thought of a Right-to- 
Life Amendment to the Constitution?) 
Not a situation designed to tickle the 
funny bone—assuming that America still 
has one. 

It does seem significant to me that in 
one of the most highly praised and wide- 
ly read books of 1979—the richly inter- 
esting (though almost pornographically 
violent) John Irving novel The World 
According lo Gar} p—the pivotal love 
E results in по less than one dead 
child, one partially blinded child, one 
bitten-off penis and the decisions on the 
t of both main characters to give up, 
t for the time being. both sex and 
careers. No—sex was certainly no 
aughing matter in 1979. 

Whence this sexual grimness? To say 
anism" and leave it at that ex- 


is the answer. Amcrica, like most sexually 
terrified cultures, is subject to periods of 
feast and periods of famine. The (саз 
just getting started (and people arc be- 
inning to pick at the hors d'ocuvres 
without feeling too guilty) when the 
protectors of public morality march in 
again, deploring that very “license” and 
moral depravity” that, in fact, has 
scarcely surfaced. Suddenly, we are in the 
midst of another backlash, and the moral 
guardians—those people who, according 
to Freud’s biographer Ernest Jones, busy 
themselves with removing public temp- 
tations so that they will not be tempt- 
ed themselves—are back among us, 
rapping our knuckles every time we reach 
for a goody. 

It’s pointless to tell them that they're 
rapping other people's knuckles just to 
р from playing with themselves. Mor- 
al guardians are never self-aware (or they 
wouldn't become moral guardians). 
Might as well tell the Ayatollah that 
he's a male chauvinist or Anita Bryant 
and Marabel Morgan that they'd really 
like to strangle their husbands and that's 
why they preach submission. Freud's true 
message—that the unconscious exists and 
that it lives our lives unbeknownst to 
us—has not been understood by the 
country that so often takes his name in 
vain. SelLaware people rarely concern 
themselves with public morality, gnudity 
among gnomes or what other people do 
in bed with whom. The fear of sexuality 
that has been a major component in 
American culture at least as far back as 
the 17th Century has never been cradi- 
cated—though in the late Sixties it may 
have appeared that way. In short, reports 
of the death of pu ism are much 
exaggerated. 

All the same, those reports have man- 
aged to generate new repression. The 
woinen’s movement, the decline of cen- 
sorship in magazine and book publish- 
ing. the ready availability of written 
pornography and sexually explicit films 
may create the illusion that America's 
morality is profoundly altered, but puri- 
tanical, patriarchal attitudes persist un- 
der the gaudy artifacts of the so-called 
sexual revolution. I believe, in fact, that 
pornography is a symptom of pu 
rather than an indicator of its dem 
sexually healthy culture does not divide 
books into “clean” and "dirty" and does 
not fragment life into sexual and non- 
sexual components. A sexually healthy 
culture is one in which sex is received 
into the mainstream of life and neither 


overestimated nor underestimated. We 
can scarcely say we have such a culture 
tod 

What does that have to do with humor 
between the sexes? A great deal. The 
ability to laugh at ourselves is а sign of 
health; and the capacity for laughter 
ality is a sign of security about 
xual identities. Just as humor 
about the Church was tolerated during 
the Middle Ages (when religion wa 
living force for great numbers of pcople) 
and not tolerated in the 17th Century 
was beginning to wane in 
m and scientism), the 
ability to joke about something 
an underlying security of belief. It 
conviction that the general humorless- 
ness of the women's movement (there 
are some exceptions to this, but not, alas, 
enough) stems from a great uncertainty 
on the part of many women that they 
can really tolerate—psychologically—the 
freedom they are demanding. That is un- 
derstandable, even poignant. ‘The most 
outwardly liberated woman today is li 
ly to have a far less liberated mother; 
thus, she is bound to fecl two sets of 
values in conflict. The part of herself 
that heeds the parental imperative, with 
all its emotional seductions, longs to go 
back to the old security of home, hearth 
and oppression. The more cerebral part 
of herself chooses liberation—at least 
intellectually. In such a state of psycho- 
logical turmoil, where is there room for 
humor? Humor may be the consolation 
of the underdog, but the ability to laugh 
is the privilege of the already liberated. 
Ready Jaughter implies a doubleness of 
vision and a sense of security about gains 
already won. 

I remember that when Fear of Flying 
was first published, іп 1973, I hear 
grumbling from several radical feminists 
about the deficiencies of my vision: My 
heroine was too sexually oriented, too 
male-oriented and too full of wisecracks. 
А writer friend finally told me to my face 
why my book was seen as somewhat 
treasonous by certain feminists: “You're 
writing humorously about the battle be- 
tween the sexes,” she said, “and it’s no 
laughing matter!" 

I can understand that position, even, 
at times, wholly sympathize with it. What 
revolution, after all, has ever been hu- 
morous? Most revolutions begin by ba 


ning privilege and end by banning sex 
and burning books. Moreover. revol 
maries need slogans in black and 


white to make their grievances with the 
status quo widely known. Humor cannot 
serve their purpose, because it d 
shades of gray, in double—even t 
visions. How can it not risk confusion? 
How can it not offend some just as surely 
as it amuses others? 
e list of writers who have been put 
(continued on page 206) 


1 HAVE MADE THE POINT many times that baseball and, for that matter, any professional sport is 60 to 80 percent men- 
tal. This doesn't mean that a man can play with 75 percent of a full deck and survive, though it happens all the time. 
What this means is that when you get to the professional level, the only thing that separates a winner from a joke is 
something like emotion or pride or guts or heart or determination, something you can't see. 

People who play with emotion are better than people who play like, well, there's always tomorrow. The way you 
have to play the game is like you're on your last leg, like you might drop dead in the morning. You have to make every 
swing count. Emotion is one of the secrets of life. When a man starts playing like theres (continued on page 192) 


he expected a slider—and got screwed fiction By JAY CRONLEY 


БҮ 


SOME ENCHANTED EVENING 


WHEN 

UNCLE SAM SAID, 

“I WANT YOU," 

LOOK WHO REPORTED 
FORDUTY 


Was it Choirman Moo who said that in 

uniformity there is strength? How can we 
argue—especially with these uniformed beau- 

ties: the Coast Guard’s Kim Hempfield (top), 
Marine sergeant Bambi Lin Finney (center) and 
Army dental assistant Karen Cary (above)? 169 


The Navy's Susan Gage (above left) may not 
pass foll-dress inspection, but she would the 
physical. The same goes for Novy machinist 
liso Ann Woolf (near right, top), Airman 
Cindy Lutz (right center) ond novel aviation 
baotswain’s mote Rebecca Vissman (right). 


Cindy Lutz (right and below) 
specializes in electronic intelli- 
gence operations for the Air 
Force. If that means bugging, 
you con bug us any time, Cindy. 
The U.S.A.F. jet below won't be 
in Cindy's future long—she 
plons to become on actress/ 
model. She's already mode her 
film debut, in a crowd scene in 
The Rose. Her biggest weak- 
ness? Cheesecake, of course. 


Obviously, Karen Cary (cbove) із mode of 
sterner stuff than your average dogfoce 
soldier. Just look ct those biceps! It’s clear 
she's had a lot of experience resisting the 
enemy's advances. At right, Karen dons her 
lab techrician's smock to work as an Army 
dental assistant. Is that anything like a drill 
sergeont? Karen, who plons on a nursing 
career, tends bor when she's off duty. Her 
drink? White wine. She expects a man to 

be considerate, well mannered and toll. Karen 
herself, you see, is а mere slip оға girl 
standing 5'9". She spends time with baoks, too. 


Kim Hempfield (left) wants to Бе o 
child-care instructor after her Cocst 
Guerd hitch is up, but that’s c real gun, 
not a water pistol, she’s practicing with 
above. In the meantime, os you can see, 
Kim maintains military decorum: tummy 
in, chin in, chest out. For you statisticians, 
Kim weighs 110 pounds and is 5'5” tall. 
Flaride-born Kim likes hanging out at the 
beach, jogging, sunrises, swimming, 
backpacking, bicycling. . . . At ease, 
Seaman Hempfield, ct ease. 


172 


Rebecca Vissman (above) holes 

it when her alarm clock lets her 
oversleep. That's why she likes 
Sunday, when she con sleep late 
and stay in bed to read the 
funnies—or just lie around contem- 
plating her naval experience as 

an aviation boatswain’s mate. 

On the job (right), Rebecca signals 
to and fuels Navy jets. She wants 
to become а commerciol artist in а 
few years, but meanwhile, Navy 
blue is her primary color. Right 
now, Rebecca's enjoying the ocean 
sunsets at Virginia Beach, Virginia, 
where she’s currently stationed. 


Bambi has a breath-ta 
habby—sky diving. At right, 
she prepores for o leap. 
with fellow free-fallers. 


Below, they're cirborne. 
That's Bambi floating 
on the for left below. 


They’re just nat making leathernecks 
like they used 1o. Take, for instance, 
Bambi Lin Finney (right). No skinhead 
haircut, по jutting lower jaw, по five- 
o'dock shadow. It's enough to moke a 
lifer out of you. Bambi's been in the 
Corps four years already. Well, what do 
yov expect of о gal wha wos barn 

at Comp Pendleton, largest Marine 

bose in the U. S. While she’s ол duty, 
Bambi's a teletype technician; ot left, 
she’s on maneuvers, doubtless hummi 
о few bors of Tanks for the Memories. 
(Мо pictorial about the Armed Farces 
would be complete withaut a bit af a 
tribute ta Bab Hope, would it?) 


9 


The Navy's Lisa Ann Woolf (above) has very clean hands for с machinist. Is 
that a U.S. Navy Regulation gerter belt? Lisa hails from Fargo, North Dekota, 
and likes to ski on either snow or water. She doesn't mind roller skating or 
driving sports cars, either. Presently, she’s serving in the Pacific fleet aboard the 
U.S.S. Samuel Gompers—where there's not much space for such activities. Below, 
liso improvises in © confined space. Request permission to come aboard! 


That isn’t the way the Navy usually enters a port (left), but Susan Gage, left, 
апа Lisa Ann Woolf, right, can occupy our pulpit any day, in or aut of uniform. 
Notice how the rest of the fleet pales behind them. Susan (below) is a Navy 
electrician who obviously has no trouble making a connection (abave); she wants 
eventually to be on electrical engineer. Meanwhile, though, it's man—er, 
womon—the hatches, ship ahoy, damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead, mates. 


PLAYBOY 


176 


“Look, we share the rent, food, entertainment and household expenses, 
right? We take turns with the shopping, cooking and cleaning chores, 
right? So how about doing your part in moving your ass?” 


talos from the old french 
from Les Cent Nouvelles Nouvelles, circa 1460 


A New Way of Love 

There was а knight of Hainault, the 
Sieur de la Rochenoire, whose obsession 
was war. He had spent most of his life 
in camp or in battle when, one fine day, 
he took it in his head to wed a most 
beautiful and charming young lady— 
charming, indeed, though scarcely the 
most clever of her sex. He took her to 
his castle and, during a long interval of 
peace and no campaigning, they were 
quite happy. 

Whenever they made love, which was 
often enough in those first days, he 
would ask her to don a short coat of mail 
that he had had made for her. It was 
really a very fine hauberk, close-meshed 
and smooth, but she found it something 
ol an impediment to her enjoyment of 
the act. To her questions, he replied 
only, “In battle, one goes armed,” or “a 
fortress to be stormed will have its de- 
fenses." But, uncomfortable as the mail 
was, she did enjoy the storming part. 

A few months passed, and then the 
prince took the field; the knight was 
forced to take farewell of his lady. He 
left the castle in her care and, for at- 
tendants, she had an elderly gentleman 
who managed the affairs of the estate, 
some ladies in waiting and a number of 
servants. Oh, yes, there was also a tall 
and handsome young clerk in holy or- 
ders who kept all the records of income 
and expenditure. His name was Guil- 
laume. 

The prince besieged a castle or two. 
He marched north and was outflanked 
by the enemy. He retreated south and 
made a feint to outflank the enemy in 
turn. He captured a town and his sol- 
diers pillaged it, Perhaps he did all this 
and perhaps he didn't, but, in any case, 
that was much the story of any war in 
those days. At last, both sides having 
won, each retired to its winter quarters 
and our knight rode homeward. 

He arrived with the sounding of trum- 
pets and there was great joy in the 
houschold. His lady ran out to the court- 
yard to kiss him. The horses neighed 
and the servants huzzaed. 

As soon as the dinner was over, the 
lord conducted his lady to their bed- 
chamber, where the big, canopied bed 
was ready and a bright fire was burning 
in the fireplace. The lady shrugged off 
her gown and embraced her husband. 

“But where is your hauberk?” he asked 
with a frown. 

‘Oh, my dear." she said in a winning 
voice, "let's try another way of love. I'll 
tell you how—you see, we wear nothing 
when we clip each other close. And in- 
stead of the old way, we find ourselves 


face to face. I lift my legs, so—— 


Ribald Classic 


"And what is this outlandish method 
called?" asked the knight in an angry 
voice. “I never heard of such nonsense." 

“Come, my heart,” said the lady, “it 
reported to be the derkly way of ap- 
proaching things.” 

~The clerkly way!” he exclaimed. 

“Yes, the two of us were—I mean 
are—naked in the sight of God. Like 
our first parents, Adam and she 
said quickly. 

“What do you know about the cus- 
toms of the clerks?” he thundered. 

"Only that they drink belore the sac- 
rament" the lady replied smoothly. 
“Come, let us have a glass of wine, my 
sweetest; you may call it a cup before 
the charge, if you 

And so, quite Бе) егей, the knight 
allowed himself to take the wine while 
his wife dutifully donned the hauberk 
and got ready. 

Still, she sighed a bit, because she re- 
membered another, much more agree- 
able way of conducting the matter. But 
she had, by her replies, put her hus- 
band’s mind at rest. It was, no doubt, 
the clerkly cleverness, some of which 
seemed to have rubbed off on her. 


The Magical Donkey Detector 

Once, in the land of the Bourbonnais, 
there lived a physician who, for simple 
ailments, prescribed only one cure. No 
syrups. potions, plasters or sugar-coated 
pills for him—he sternly believed that 
there was one sovereign remedy for most 
of mankind's ills. In that, he was either 
very wise or very lucky, for most of his 
patients recovered and his fame spread 
throughout the country, until he was ru- 
mored to be able to solve any difficulty 
whatsoever. 

Now, one day there was a simple 
peasant named Godfroy who had lost his 
donkey. He searched the woods and the 
fields and all through the village with- 
out success, and he was beginning to 
weep from frustration when he hap- 


ILLUSTRATION BY BRAO HOLLANO 


pened to pass the doctor's house. Imme- 
diately, he thought of a solution. 

The doctor was surrounded by a 
crowd of patients when he entered and 
all was noise and confusion. But, taking 
up courage, Godfroy elbowed through 
the people and began to blurt out his 
troubles, But the story of the donkey got 
all confused. 

“Eh, what's that?” the physician said 
irritably, when he heard Godfroy’s gab- 
bling. hats the fellow want?" And, 
with half his attention still turned to the 
other patients, he shouted to his barber- 
surgeon and the attendants, "Give him 
my usual remedy." 

‘The attendants at once seized God- 
froy, haled him off to a corner of the 
room, downed his breeches and brought 
forth a huge clyster to give him an 
enema. 

Godfroy fought, kicked and bit, but 
they held him down. He shouted that it 
was his donkey he meant and someone 
said, “Bring it in and we'll give it one, 
too.” 

All to no avail. When the thing was 
done, the poor man hoisted his breeches 
and, all bewildered, ran out into the 
street and through the village, his stom- 
ach rumbling and full of the physic. 

Finally, he came to a deserted hovel 
and he could last no longer. He went 
inside and delivered himself of a terrible 
explosion. 

His donkey, which had been quietly 
munching the grass in back of the hovel, 
was frightened and let out a bray. 

“Well, God save the mark, it worked!" 
said Godfroy. He went to the back of 
the hut and took his donkey in charge. 

So it was that the physician became 
more celebrated than ever, not only as a 
healer but also as a man of universal 
knowledge who could locate almost any- 
thing that had been lost. And in his 
pride, he prescribed even more enemas 
than before. 


—Retold by Robert Mahieu в” 


LEROY NEMAN 


“SKE TCHBOOK: 


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ХШ 2. 2.24 aM. 1792-1772 ona (t) 2d FL 7 


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“We Puerto Ricans know white rum makes a smoother drink 
gin or vodka.We're pleased you're starting to agree with us? 
Enrique Vila del Corral, CPA, and his wife Ingrid. 


Puerto Rican white rum and soda onthe smoothness, aging is the name of the game 
rocks with a twist. Refreshingly dry and Make sure the rum is Puerto Rican. 


satisfying. Тһе name Puerto Ricoon the label is 
You'll also find that white rum mixes your assurance of excellence. 


beautifully with other favorites like tonic The Puerto Rican people have been 
and orange juice. In fact no matter how you making rum for almost five centuries. Their 


mix it, Puerto Rican white rum makes specialized skills and dedication result ina 
decidedly smoother, better tasting drinks rum of exceptional taste and purity. 

For one very good reason. By law, every No wonder over 85% of the rum sold in 
drop of Puerto Rican white rum is aged this country comes from Puerto Rico. 


at least one full year. And when it comes to 


PUERTO RICAN RUMS 


Fortree “Light Rums of Puerto Rico" recipes. мете Puerto Rican Нит. А 
Dept. P-4, 1290 Avenue cl the Amencas, N Y. N.Y. 10019 ©1979 Commonwealh of Puerto Aco | White rum & soda 


B**TLEMANIA: The В” "йе аге winners in several 
categories this time around: for breaking their previ- 
ous record of eight years by not getting together 
again for the ninth year in а row—thereby remaining 
in contention for the elusive decade mark. They take 
ош Lawsuit of the Year Award for their $60,000,000 
slap at the producers of B**tlemania for improper 
use of the B**tles name (we're not taking any 
chances ourself). And there are separate awards in 
Ше increasingly competitive Моцы Division. tu €x- 
B**tle John Lennon for financially homesteading his 
way through New York's exclusive Dakota; and to 
ex-B**tle Paul McCartney for his efforts to corner. 
the publishing rights to just about every song you've 
ever heard, including Stormy Weather and that 
anthem of Saturday-afternoon fever, On Wisconsin. 


WELCOME TO THE FUTURE: In the 
Sixties, we had The Supremes, The Four 
Tops, Cream, Ultimate Spinach— 
names that said even the sky wasn't the 
limit. But there's definitely a different 
cast to the names these days. Helping us 
celebrate our entrance into the Eighties, 
Land of Diminished Expectations, are 
the following new groups: The Plasmat- 
ics, The Ants, Laughing Dogs, Cheetah 
Chrome and the Casualties, Dead 
Boys, Cheap Perfume, Pink Section, 
The Cramps, Terrorists, Murder the Dis- 
turbed, The Police, Dead Kennedys, Sin- 
gle Bullet Theory and Model Citizens. 


HEAVIES 


GREAT MOMENTS IN ROCK: 
THE HISTORY OF ELTON JOHN'S HAIR 


OUR BOBBY, WHICH ART IN MALIBU: 
Maybe it айт Freewheelin’ or Highway 61, but 
it's survival. Dylan surprised all of us first Бу 
going electric, then by going country, and now 
by going God. His Slow Train Coming entered 
Billboard's pop charts reasonably heaven- 
ward, then sank quickly into the infernal abyss 
and switched over to the Gospel charts. 
Sneaky old Bob. Who would have thought he'd 
carve а new audience from the ranks of Debbie 
Boone, Donnie and Marie and The 700 Club? 
And are those rumors true that he'll соп team 
up with that other gold-record performer at the 
top of the God charts, Pope John Paul II? Will 
the album be called Vatican Skyline? Will 
Andrew Loog Gabriel produce? Stay tuned 


UH, MON, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY DATE: 
Its a true Dale Carnegie success story. Once 
upon a time, she was just a lowly street kid in 
L.A. and he a mere earthling elementary school 
teacher in New York City. But now, through the 
miracles of a free country, hype and costume 
design, they have not only become superstars, 
they ve been named the Hits, Hypes & Heavies 
Fun Couple of 1979. It could happen to you! 


HER AIM WAS TRUE: The winner Бу acclaim of our annual Golden Fist Award is Bonnie Bramlett, 
for knocking off Elvis Costello's glasses at a Holiday Inn bar in Columbus. Ohio, last May during a 
late-night discussion turned brawl. The subject was America and music—with Costello reportedly 
calling the U.S. “a fucked country” and offering the opinion thal Ray Charles was “nothing but an 
ignorant. blind niager.” As Rolling Stone reported: * That's when | slapped him.’ Bramlett said. `1 
HOT WAX: Definitely not bubble gum, their told him that anybody that mean and hateful had to have a little bitty dick. , . This had to happen 
music is about as inviting as their name. Butthe right when I was trying to be a lady, lamented Bonnie. 'Back when | was drinking, | woulda kicked 
Scorpions Lovedrive cover ап cops this years his ass.’ " And lo Costello, we award his choice of penis enlargers and 15 free lessons at the 
Hot Wax Award, I'm St-Stuck on You Division. Thumper School of Charm (Our Motto: "If yucan't say something nice, don't say anything at all’). 


LYLE 


OF NOCORNERS, 
IDAHO, FOUND A 
POTATO 


SUNSET HYATT-- 
WITHOUT ADRINK! 2 б. | SHAPED LIKE 
BUT.USING ONLY HIS [т^ PÎ THE VILLAGE 
TEETH, INLESS THAN . PEOFLE. 
IS MINUTES HE НАР 

А COMPLETELY EATEN 

THROUGH A WALL AND WAS 

HAVING A BEER WITH HIS MATES. 


THAT SAME YEAR 
AT ALTAMONT, 
PATRICK. 
O'ROURKE 
LOST SOMETHING 
PRECIOUS ТО HIM-- 
HIS GIRLFRIEND 
MARGARET, 
EXACTLY 1O YEARS 
LATER AND 3000 
MILES AWAY, SHE 


© 
Е; 
2 
гі 


HAS NEVER TAKEN 
ANILLEGAL DRUG! 


Б 


DON'T MATTUH IF YO' BROTHUH 15 PRES- 
IDENT—WE DON'T ALLOW NO HAR- 
MONICA PLAYIN’ ROUN' HEAH! The big First 
Family Musical News of '79 was the arrest of 
President Carter's sister at an Americus, 
Georgia, restaurant called Mcwaffle. The 
charge: illegal harmonica playing. Seems 
First Sister Gloria Spann came in blowing 
strong and was asked by a waitress to cool 
it. But, explained Spann, “My husband said, 
"Play me another tune,’ so | played some 
more.” The arrest came when other patrons 
complained that they couldn't hear the juke- 
box. No wonder. She'd been playing harmon- 
ica barely a month—we bet that even You Dec- 
orated My Life sounded good by comparison. 


BEETHOVEN WITH A BULLET: 

According to a КЕАС-ЕМ listeners 
poll in Los Angeles, last year's top 
Pick to Click, the hottest Wax to 
Watch, a solid 95 with great lyrics —was Bee- 
hovers Ninth Symphony. Rounding out the 
fave-rave top ten were Beethoven's Sixth 
Symphony, Saint-Saens Symphony Number 
Three (the organ symphony), Mozart's 40th 
Symphony, Rachmaninoft's Second Piano 
Concerto, Beethoven's Third Symphony, 
Ravel's Bolero, Pachelbel's Canon in D, Ros- 
sini's William Tell Overture and Rachma- 
ninoffs Rhapsody on a Theme by Paganini. 


TUSK, TUSK! They spent 
nearly a year in the studio 
and so much $$$$ no- 
body's admitting exactly 
how much— probably 
$1,000,000-plus. So what 
if Get the Knack cost only 
$18,000 total? Too bad 
that after all this...this 
care...deejays began 
playing it early and it had 
to be rush-released, so 
as not to lose precious 
profits. Except the entire 
first pressing of the single 
was delective and had to 
be recalled. And the mu- 
sic on Tusk proved to be 
much ado about little. То 
Fleetwood Mac, for sell- 
indulgence beyond the 
call of duty, our special 
Platinum Mastodon Award 


OOPS: June Carter Cash and hubby Johnny Cash caught June's daughter Carlene Carter in а 
high-voltage performance at the Bottom Line in New York. But Carlene gave them а jolt when she 
announced a playful little ditty called Swap-Meat Raa. "If this doesn’tput the cunt backin country. | 
don't know what will,” quipped Carlene, uninformed that her parents were there. Mom wilted when 
the man in black turned white as a sheet. What's gotten into that girl? Must be in her genes— 
June's first husband (and Carlene's daddy) is Carl Smith, whose big hit in the Fifties was Loose 
Talk. As for Cash, he's since brought out an inspired-sounding Gospel album, A Believer Sings the 
Truth. Johnny, just be glad she's not your daughter—she might have called her song Cashbox. 


LOWELL GEORGE 


He was eclectic, blessed with 
а cartoon consciousness, an 
eye for the elegant. He had 
two degrees in bebop / а 
Ph.D. in swing / He was 
a master of rhythm / He was 
а rock-'n'-roll king.” When 
Lowell George died on June 
29, 1979, we lost one of the 
good ones. George was a 
musician, a pioneer of the 
slide guitar, the founder of Lit- 
tle Feat, the band with the 
herky-jerky trampolin shuttle 
He was a catalyst, producing 
albums for the Little Feat, 
Bonnie Raitt, The Grateful 
Dead, Valerie Carter. Some 
critics felt he was the best 
white blues singer in the 
world period. He was perhaps 
best known as an eccentric 
songwriter. Willin’, Dixie 
Chicken, Roll Um Easy, 
Spanish Moon and Long 
Distance Love were outside 
classics. The catalog may 
become as important to this 
decade as the songs of 
Buddy Holly were to an earlier 
generation. George was a 
Class act. He will be missed. 


аш WAG ELVIS PRESLEY'S PRISON NUMBER IN 
“TAILUOUSE BOLA 1 AND OTHER IMPORTANT QUESTIONS 


ladies and gentlemen, 


the world’s hardest rock-n-roll quiz 


(1) What was Elvis Presley's prison num- 
ber in Jailhouse Rock? 

(a) BE4-5789 

(b) 6239 

(c) 6240 

(d) P-409 

@ 1 


@) (b) 


® 
z 


(2) Match the secondary sex characteris- 
tics with the correct star: 

— Fee Waybill 

— Grace Jones 

— Nona Hendryx 

. Bette Midler 

— Wendy Williams 
(8) Match the dead stars with their 
supposed means of destruction: 

— Brian Jones (а) suffocation 

. Jimi Hendrix (b) bullet 

Cass Elliot (0 airplane 


— Otis Redding (d) heart trouble 
(e) still alive 

(f) water 

(g) ham and cheese 


— Sam Cooke 
2 Keith Moon 
_ Jim Morrison 


(4) You recognize the fresh glow of 
Ilibbing on little Bobby Dylan's well- 
scrubbed face—but who's the pretty 
Pcggy-O on his arm? 

(a) Malvina Reynolds 

(b) Peggy Seeger 

(c) Judy Henske 

(d) Suze Rotolo 

(е) Carolyn Hester 

(б) Albert Grossman 
(5) Who among the following has/have 
not cohosted The Mike Douglas Show? 

(а) John and Yoko 

(b) Eddie Money 

(c) Gladys Knight & the Pips 

(d) мей Diamond 

(e) Barry Manilow 


(6) Identify this clean-cut duo: 
(а) Paul and Paula 
(b) Dick and DeeDee 
(с) Jan & Dean 
(d) Ferrante & Teicher 
(е) Nino Tempo & April Stevens 


(7) Yes, it's that Bert Convy. But back 

in the Fifties, he was in a group that 

had several hits. The group's first hit 
and name were: 

(a) Crazy "Bout You, Baby, by The 
Crew Cuts 

(b) Diamonds and Pearls, by The 
Paradons 


(c) (Вахоот) I Need Your Lovin’, by 
The Cheers 

(4) Sorry (1 Ran АЙ the Way Home), 
by The Impalas 

(e) Florence, by The Paragons 

(D At the Hop, by Danny & The 
Juniors 


(8) This talented eight-year-old won Ted 
Mack's Original Amateur Hour in а na- 
tional competition. Who is she? 

(a) Diana Ross 

(b) Kinky Friedman 

() Mary Wells 

(d) ys Knight 
(9) Rock "n' roll is real American Dream 
material—just look at the artists who 
went from nowhere little towns to inter- 
national success. Match the birthplace 
with the artist: 
Eddie Cochran (ау 


Wink, Texas 


— Jemy Lee Lewis (b) Albert Lea, 
Minnesota 
— Roy Orbison (о) Glenwillard, 
Pennsylvania 
. Muddy Waters (d) Ferriday, 
Louisiana 
— Hank Williams (e) Rolling Fork. 
Mississippi 
-Lou Christie ^ (f) Georgiana, 
^labama 


(continued оп page 280) 


been up so long it look$ like down fo them 


THE MUSIC.Biz entered |1979 йв confident as Goliath, despite a sales slump in the last six weeks of the previous year— 
a time when it normally does 33 to 40 percent of its annual business. It һай müch emplrical justification for its. 
hubris, having grown steadily fatter for-15 glorious, flamboyant, wasteful years. Its anqual.growth rate had averaged 
over 20 percent since 1975, end іп 1978, led by the fantastic’ 42,000,000 sales rung"up internationally by two high- 
priced reieases—the sound tracks from Grease and Saturday Night Fever—it had matured into a 4.2-billion-doliar 
juggernaut of an industry that could brag of being bigger than the movies and all spectator sports combined. 

Perhaps because the multinational corporations that had come to dominate the business were staffed by young- 
ish execs who had never known times to be anything but bullish, theré was aleo a notion, surprisingly widespread 
within the industry, that it was recession-proof. Confident that the success of the two 1978 blockbusters had staked 
out a new sales plateau to which all could aspire, the record companies flooded the retail (continued on page 222) 


By CARL PHILIP SNYDER 


HHHH- 


LOUIS ARMSTRONG 


DAVE BRUBECK FRANK SINATRA 


RAY CHARLES JOHN COLTRANE 


BENNY GOODMAN DUKE ELLINGTON 


| 


WES MONTGOMERY 


MILES DAVIS 


= 


JiM MORRISON 


ERIC CLAPTON 


SCULPTURE BY JACK GREGORY / PHOTOGRAPHY BY SEYMOUR MEONICK 


STEVIE WONDER 


| m 


Bruce Springsteen is arguably the greatest rock'n'roll per- 
former of his time. Live, in a club or small concert hall, he and 
the E-Street Band take possession of the stage as though il were 
their home turf and enlist the audience as celebrants of the true 
joys of rock 'n' roll. The mixture of his passionate adolescent epics 
with deeply felt versions of rock"n'-roll classics has made Spring- 
steen’s marathon two-hour performances legendary since the mid- 
Seventies. Curiously, that early popularity almost proved to be his 
undoing. The recorded versions of such hi 
“Blinded by the Light,” “Spirit in the Night,” “Rosalita; "The E 
Street Shuffle” and “Kitty's Back" couldn't begin to capture the 
exuberance and total involvement Springsteen puts into the tunes 
in his live show. Add to that the great hype of 1975, an almost 
terminal misunderstanding that sharply divided the rock world 
into Those Who Had Seen Him and Those Who Hadn't, and 
you've got some seriously muddied waters. Calling Springsteen a 
creation of CBS and media publicity made as much sense as the 
world accusing the National Weather Service of hyping а tropical 
storm into Hurricane David. Springsteen is the poet of the small- 
town escape, a romantic street rocker possessed by rock ‘n’ roll— 
ай of it—which is why һе can follow “Thunder Road,” say, with a 
monolog about hassling with his dad that becomes a five-minute 
intro to The Animals’ “It’s My Life,” and pull it off. He's the Boss. 


187 


ERIC CLAPTON guitar 


EARTH, WIND & FIRE group 


STEVIE WONDER composer 


DONNA SUMMER female vocalist 
GEORGE BENSON maie vocalist p 


„ CHUCK MANGIONE brass, composer. group 


BENNY GOODMAN woodwinds 


STANLEY CLARKE bast) 


LIONEL HAMPTON vibes 


GEORGE BENSON mole vocalist, guitor 


RICKIE LEE JONES female vocalist 
ILLUSTRATION BY BILL UTTERBACK 


ROADS TRACK 


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Aia DRIVER 


"It tracks as straight as a laser and speaks through the 
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the top reveals a roomy and striking interior... 
this is one of the great remaining 


44 Reprinted from Cor and Driver 


bargains. © 979 Ziff-Dovis Publishing Co. 


ND 


"With several thousand miles on 
the clock, the TR7 convertible 
stillfelttight and solid, and all things ; 
considered, it's an exhilarating car to drive”  — 


For the name of your nearest Triumph dealer call: 800-447-4700; in Illinois call: 800-322-4400. 
E) Jaguar Rover Triumph Inc. Leonia, New Jersey 07605. 


SCCA NATIONAL CHAMPION IN D PRODUCTION! 


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192 


SuCIDIENWVIBAMILILS 


(continued from page 163) 


“Sammie Land had requested a lightweight flak 
jacket that he could wear under his uniform." 


always tomorrow, then he's going to 
wake up one day 39 and he's going to 
say, "Well, it’s time to get me a hit,” 
only he'll get a slipped disk, because it's 
too damn late. When you hear a man 
who is 40 say һе [eels like he's 30, you 
can have him, because that means he 
hasn't been doing a thing for ten years. 

Now, you can be too emotional. 

Our first baseman years ago іп Ard- 
more was a kid named Richardson and 
one night we were trying to get into the 
play-offs because the team fed you free 
meals as long as you kept playing. 
Richardson was in the on-deck cirde 
and one of the opposition yelled, "Rich- 
ardson, hey, your wife is a hog." 

We started yelling at Richardson, "She 
is not," but he was so crazy by the time 
he got in the box, he couldn't even 
think. He tried to stretch a single into a 
triple and was tagged out around second. 
Richardson charged their dugout and 
cracked his head оп a post and missed 
the playoffs with the injury, so he didn’t 
get paid. 

The point is, you have got to control 
your emotion. 

And you can't be giving away emotion 
like it was dime beer. 

‘That's what our team did, preceding 
the crucial September Boston series. 

"The men got a little carried away. 

In a copyrighted story in the Boston 
paper, Sammie Land, outfielder, was 
quoted as saying, “We're going to kick 
their [Boston's] butts right up that slimy 
left-field wall.” 

Our catcher, Edgar, was quoted as say- 
ing the only one of Boston's players who 
could start for us was their bat boy, and 
without the cheap shots off the left-field 
fence, Boston would never be а соп- 
tender in our division. “If they played 
in our park, nobody would hit ten home 
runs,” Edgar concluded. 

First baseman Doyle Legg was much 
more to the point. “I hate Boston's 
guts,” he said. 

‘That catchy phrase was the headline 
in that edition. Doyle Legg’s picture, 
and Edgar's and Sammie Land's, ap- 
peared on the next page under the sub- 
headline "MARKED MEN." 

The Boston manager, a coward named 
Fish, had a quote of his own. "Тһе gen- 
tlemen over there are entitled to their 
opi ы 

Sammie Land was outraged. He 
dipped that quote out and put it in our 
dressing room. “He can't call us gentle- 
men,” he said. 

One thing was for sure: Boston would 


be ready for us. They made it out like 
we were a motorcycle gang swooping 
down on an old folks! home. 

The person who prospered the most 
was the Boston owner. The day before 
the series opener, he sold out the stand- 
ing room and then sold out the leaning 
room, and had only about three stalls in 
the bathroom left to unload. 

The commissioner of baseball had 
caught wind of what promised to be a 
very heated rivalry and he sent us a tele- 
gram encouraging, “Hearty competition 
and, above all, honor and sportsman- 
PES 


“IE that’s the way he feels, he can ро 
to hell," Doyle Legg said. 

While we were shocking Detroit, the 
Red Sox split at home, winning 3-2 over 
the White Sox when a pop fly over the 
pitcher's mound blew over the dumb 
wall in left. 

Тһе vital stats were: We were six out 
of first going into the five with them. 

Sammie Land announced at our final 
team meeting that when we took the 
field in the bottom of the first inning of 
the first game, he would do something 
that would let the fans and the Red Sox 
know exactly what we thought of them. 

Sammie said his strategy would also 
help us win the game. 

Guessing what Sammie Land would do 
in left field broke a lot of the pressure 
the day before. 

“I predict he goes to the bathroom on 
the wall,” Arnette Blackwelder guessed 

“I say he climbs it like a mountain 
climber,” Golden Rule guessed. "With 
rope and suction cups. 

“Whatever he does,” Clif Masterson 
said, grimly and majestically, “ГІ be 
there to back him.” 

Game day, news of our opener in Bos- 
ton was on top of the front page, above 
"GOOD HUMOR MAN MURDERER STRIKES 
AGAIN” and “COST OF LIVING INDEX HAS 
BIGGEST JUMP OF YEAR," we were that 
important. 


. 

1 drove over the morning of the game 
with our owner, McBroom. 

He was in fine spirits. 

When pressed for a key to victory 
the first game, I told him, "If we're still 
alive in the fifth, we should win i 

He wondered exactly how I meant 
alive. 

I told him I was not sure. 

Rudd was pitching the opener of the 
series with Boston. We probably would 
have been better off with Golden Rule 
or Mulebach, since Boston has a ton of 


right-handed hitters aiming at the runt 
fence, but Rudd was going to have to 
pitch sometime over there, and it was 
best to stay with the normal rotation. 

So here is what our line-up looked like: 


1. Jimmy Netherlands 2b 
2. Arnette Blackwelder CF 
3. Cliff Masterson 3b 

4. Sammie Land LF 

5. Edgar C 

6. Doyle Legg Ib 

7. Jesus El Dorado RF 

3. Bone SS 

9. Rudd P 


"E hat's some crew, all right. 

Ina flew in for the big series with 
Boston and brought me up to date about 
the goings on with the in-laws, like her 
sisters 16-year-old daughter was named 
alternate homecoming queen. 

‘There are all kinds of theories about 
what makes a good marriage, and I have 
always believed that honesty is the most 
important thing two people can have 
going. 

“Ina, I don't give a damn about that 
," E said. 

She sulked. 

She rode with me to Boston with 
McBroom and his wife and was bored to 
death as the three of us talked strategy. 
Mrs. McBroom said she had promised 
the girls at the club a pennant. 

"El Dorado will probably have a great 
" McBroom said. “Guys who don't 
understand what's going on don't choke." 

"The secret was, Rudd had to keep the 
ball down so they would hit grounders 
and not routine flies over the chicken 
wall. 

Sammie Land had requested a light- 
weight flak jacket that he could wear 
under his uniform. He had some spec- 
tacular trick planned for the wall in left. 

McBroom placed а hand on my shoul- 
der and said that whatever happened, I 
had done a brilliant job and deserved 
Coach of the Year. 

Mrs. McBroom was wearing a lo 
blouse. 

When they got a runner on first, she 
planned to expose her left breast and 
hope the guy got picked off. 

"How much farther?" Ina asked two 
miles into the trip. 


ki 


-cut 


. 

Boston is one of those towns where 
they use gimmick nights a lot, and it was 
unfortunate that this game had been 
designated Quarter Beer Night. The way 
it turned out, with our rivalry, they 
could have filled the joint charging 
a ticket. You сап imagine what v; 
of person a 25-cent-beer night would 
seduce. There is hardly anything meaner 
than a premeditated drunk. 

Тһе Boston management had the 
courtesy to station extra cops in and be- 
hind our dugout and in and around our 

(continued on page 270) 


© 1970 R. J. Reynolds Tobacco СӨ 


nis 


KING Му size 


OW TAR а NICOTINE 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 2 j 
That Cigarette Smoking 15 Dangerous toYour Health. LIGHTS: 13170. tar 09 то. nicotine, LIGHT 100's: 13 mg. "ter", 


ETE av. per ciqarette, FIC Report MA "78. 


OH,YES! YES! осооооон! 
MYGOD WHAT You ооооосон! 
Do TOME! o606660u: 


V HLCUTIE! WANT FOH, No, Mv PEAR-THAT WOULD 
SOME? ONLY COST BE SINFUL! PUT IF You NEED 
YA TWO воск. ДС MONEY- HERE ТАКЕ IT! 


ҮЗ (Now-Run our то THE 
KITCHEN AND MIX UP A 
COUPLE OF STIFF DRINKS 


LIVE FROM NEW YORK, 
THIS IS N.C.B.'S PRIME 
RIB SUNDAY WITH TOM 
MORROW, ME, YOUR HOST. 


BUT, HEY! I'M A STRANGER ТО 
FAILURE! I'M NOT AFRAID ТО Risk 
IT ALL TO TRY SOMETHING NEW— 
| WAS BORN TO BE WILD, FRIENDS! 


РА 

NEW EVIDENCE INDICATES THAT ТНЕ DEATHS 
OF PARK AND HIS AIDES WERE NEITHER 
ACCIDENT NOR PLANNED KILLING BUT A 


MASS SUICIDE, NOT UNLIKE THE EVENTS 
Ат JONESTOWN. 


WITH MORE ON 
THAT, WE NOU) 
GO то BILL FISH 
AND OUR LIVE 
CAMERAS IN 

SEOUL... 


ои. HE BE OK,Y 


D КЕ -іт5 JUST 
осток * 


SHOCK....How LONG 
Д HAS НЕ BEEN THIS 


THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW ME FROM 
THE LATE SHIFT MAY ВЕ SURPRISED 

To SEE ME ON A NEWS-MAGAZINE 
SHOW.... SOME MAY SAY OL’ TOM'S 
“NOT READY 

FOR PRIME 

TIME"... 


K so, TO START OFF, WE HAVE A 
PROGRESS REPORT ON THE REOPENED 
INVESTIGATION INTO THE ASSASSINATION 
"ACCIDENT" THAT TOOK THE LIFE OF 

KOREAN PRESIDENT 
PARI 


195 


PHONUS INTERRUPTUS П 


1 


GOD! І 
Саа / КК м. 


HONEY, TCAN'T JUST HOW CAN UOU DOTHIS 
LETITRING. CTNIGHE TO US? DOESNT WHAT оя 
BEBILLWITHTHE TICKETS. — WEREDOING MEAN. BELLO: MAKING LOVE To МЕ 


ITOLDHIMTOCALL. ANUTHING 104007 
A 


RRING! 2. 
GS 
ES ex 


М 
— HowCAN THERE BE ROOM, RIGHT SALLY WHEN DID YOU GET IN? 
Now FOR ANOTHER MAN — GREAT TOHEAR YOUR VOLE... 
Tis Foe HOU. WANT 10 TALK TO RER? HOW DOU KNOW LWAS HERE 


- MEZ OH, NOT MUCH. 400 
KNOW, IN A RUT AS USUAL. YEAH SURE. TDLOVE 
TO. GREAT. WHY DON'T 


I SEE YOU FOR 


шай WY 
ХУЛ 


MIZZ MOONSHINE, г SEEMS LIKE I AIN'T SEEN 
THANKEE HEAVEN А COONS NOTHIN’ SC 
YOU COME ВУ F COMICAL SINCE 
THIS WAY! DAISY JUNE GOT 
É нек LEFT KNOCKER 


COMPARTMENT OF 
THE “62 DODGE.’ 


YEP, O'R YONDER 
IN MA BITTY BAG 
IT PLUM FLEW OFF 

TIGHT, YOU | INTA THE BRUSH. 


GOT А 
KNIFE? SAY, YOU SURE COUNTA THE | 1 GET YOU 
16 HUNG POWERFUL SCENERY! | UNMITCHED 
ЖАУУ; MI 
MOONSHIN 


-FROM HERE 
THEY LOOK LIKE 
THE GRAND 

TETONS: 


IT DON'T SOUND 
LIKE NO GÆIZZLY 


ы 
o 


PLAYB 


198 espion 


AMERICAN JAMES BOND usen 


“Harvey resigned ‘with deepest regret, 
given Hoover's 


cums pect 


wisely cir- 
appetite for revenge.” 


nd Lish Whits 
America’s ostensible ally, 
“We were the first 
to be fighting the Soviet side of it.” 
Hier recalled. 

It wasn't long before Н 
himself sitting in a small 
York City, listening intently as a plump, 
dowdy, brown-haired woman named 
Elizabeth Bentley confessed that she 
had been a courier for a Sovict spy ring. 
If she was telling the truth, Bentley 
represented the bureau's first big break 
in combating Soviet espionage. Harvey 
left dy mion to other FBI agents 
while he sat quietly and simply tied to 
get a feel for this wi who would 
consume the next two years of his 1 
During 14 days of questioning, Bentley 
reeled off the names of more than 100 
people linked to the Soviet underground 
in the United States and Canada. “Fifty- 
one of these persons were deemed of 
sufficient importance to warrant investi- 
се attention by the bureau,” an FBI 
memo stated. “Of those 51 individuals, 
27 were employed in agencies of the 
7-8. Government.” One of those 27 was 
named Alger Hiss. 

In a few years, the name Hiss would 
be on every tongue, but to Bill Harvey 
in 1945, Hiss was only one of several 
senior Government officials suspected of 
treason, Bentley had mentioned him— 
calling him Eugene Hiss—almost as an 
afterthought at the end of her 107-page 
statement. W of her ap- 
ind before he had verified any 


Robert Collier 
geted against 
the Soviet U 


on 


on 


found 


vey 
pom in New 


hin 94 how 


formation, ]. Edgar Hoover 
sent a top-secret message to the White 
House. "As a result of the bureau's 


investigative operations,” he puffed, 
formation has been recently developed 
from a highly confidential source indi- 
that a number of persons 
ployed by the Government of the United 
States have been fur ша and 
m to persons outside the Fed- 
eral Government, м e in turn trans- 
mitting this information to espionage 
agents of the Soviet government.” Hoo- 
ver named 12 officials as being either 
witing or unwitting “participants in 
this operation,” no doubt taking private 
i n in the fact that five of them 
ed with his archrival. the Office 
еңіс Services. 
There was one problem. however. De- 
veillance of the sus- 
by Bentley, the FBI 
n ongoing 
One year after the 


pects 
could uncover no evidence of 


surveillance Hoover 


had begun. 
report that his 
turned up nothing but “rep: 
seque: contacts” among suspected 
members of the spy rin 

An unbroken string of 18 
spent tracking down Bentley's leads 
had not produced a single prosccutable 
nage. ‘The FBI- ar- 
vey—could proceed no further. Eventu- 
ally, a very crude and uneven sort of 
retribution would be exacted. Harry 
Dexter White, Assistitn he Secretary 
of the Treasury, would dic of а heart 
auack іп 1948. alter Bentley publicly 
named him as а member ol her network, 
nd Hiss would be convicted of perjury 
п 1950. But Harvey could foresee none 
of that, and in the summer of 1917, his 
exhaustion and frustration boiled over 
0 an incident that resulted in his being 
dealt with more harshly than any of 
Bentley's suspects. 

Thundershowers, heavy at times, had 
len throughout the evening of July 
11. It was past midnight and another 
downpour washed over the city as Har 
vey headed his car across the Potomac 
River into Washington. A second 
splashed along in Harvey's wake, follo 
g him home from an FBI мар party 
n a Virginia suburb. Once across the 
Potomac, the two cars went their 


was 
ha 


forced to 


id 24-hour 


and F 


сазе of esp 


ihe Jefferson 1. 
ton Monument and the World 
Two temporary buildi 
«across the Mall 
At the Lincoln Memorial, he 
nd headed into Rock 
hes disappearing 
in. 

ched home by 
morning, Libby 
longer. She 


ke so much 


Creek 
into the 

When he 
nine o'clock the 
Harvey could w 
phoned FBI headquarters to report her 
husband missing. Bill “had recently bee 
despondent and discouraged about hi 
work at the bureau and had bee 
moody," she said. Pat Coyne, the agent 
who had followed Harvey back to town, 
was dispatched to cover the route from 
the Potom: і 
Georgetow dis- 
creet check of amnesi 


next 


acadent and 
eports with the local police. The search 


ended in less than when Harvey 
called in to report that he was home. 
According то а summary of the inci 
dent prepared fo < “Mr. Harvey 
indicated that after he lett. Mr. Con 
һе. rd his resi 
dence in а heavy downpour of rain. He 


drove his car through a large puddle of 
water just as another car going in the 
opposite direction hit the puddle, and 
the engine in his car stopped. He coasted 
to the curb but was unable to get his сат 
4 accordingly he went to 
nd slept until approxi 
when he awakened and 
Harvey insisted 


started ag 
sleep in his car 
mately ten АМ 


proceeded to his home 
css was not alcohol in 


that his drows 
duced, and his colleagues backed him 
up. "Mr. Harvey stated that he had 


and from the 
recollection of others at the party. the 
o indication that Harvey was drink- 
any less than. anyone 


about two cans of beer. 


ny more or 


the summary said 
evertheless. FBI regulations required 
nt w be on ewo-hour call at all 
nes, either leaving a number where he 
could be reached or phoning in eve: 
two hours, Harvey had violated regula- 
г directed 
is recom. 


eis 
mended that Special Agent Supervisor 
William K. Harvey of the Security Divi- 
sion be transferred to Indianapolis on 
general assignment.” Hoover scribbled 
Ок at the bottom. 

Rather than accept the transfer. Har- 
vey submitted his resignation “with the 
deepest regret.” citing "personal and 
family considerations" and speaking of 
па personal satisfaction" of 
having been an FBI agent—remarkably 
restrained, considering the circumstances. 
but wisely circumspect given. Hoover's 
appetite for revenge. 

Cast out from the inner sanctum of 
espionage, Harvey found himself in 
world that had not yet heard of Whit 


taker Chambers and Elizabeth Bentley, 
that did not yet doubt the loyalty of 
Alger Hiss. that did not yet realize th. 


while the shooting w: inst Germany 
had ended, the secret war against Russi 
was just beginning, As if blinded by the 
bright light of this naive and unsuspect 
ing world, Harvey qui kly ducked into 
of the Office of Special 
a small and highly secret 
thin the newly formed Central 
Intelligence Agency. 
А 
The CIA was а tonier set than Harvey 
had known at the FBI—he was stepping 
from the world of excops and small- 
wyers into an organization of Ivy 
gue bluebloods and Wall Street at 
torneys. Many of the men he met were 
heirs to considerable family fortunes. 
Harvey was crossing the tracks. joining 
the establishment. Compared with his 
better-bred. colleagues, this lumpen spy 
from the Big Ten who collected firearms 
and delighted in the simplest duty 


the shadow: 


honor and empire themes of. Rudyard 
Kipling. fairly reeked of gaucherie and 
naiveté. His spreading girth quickly 


(continued on page 250) 


AFTER YOU COMPARE IT 
FOR MILES PER GALLON, 
COMPARE IT FOR 
COMEORT PER MILE. 


dosi up Renault Le Car, and take advantage of more luggage 
space than you'll find in either a Ford Fiesta or Honda Civic: 

Settle into the anatomically-contoured seats, and luxuriate in 
more passenger room than eithera Civic or a Datsun 2102 

Pick ош a really rough road, and watch Le Car's four-wheel in- 
dependent suspension and standard steel-belted Michelin radials soak 
up jolts and bumps so well, they give you a smooth, level ride Motor 
Trend says “would do credit to far larger, more expensive cars.” 

Just visit one of the hundreds of Renault dealers from coast to 
coast, and take Le Car for a test-drive 

When you read the mileage estimates, you'll know how much a 
car costs to drive. But only after you test it on the road will you о 

2 


know whether or not it's worth driving, 


"Remember. Compare these 1980 EPA estimates to estimated mpg for other cars. Your mileage may vary due to speed, trip length or weather 
Your highway mileage will probably be lower. California excluded. — *Based on 1980 EPA data. 


RENAULT LE CAR 


WE BUILD MORE INTO ECONOMY CARS 
THAN JUST ECONOMY. 


199 


. “Last year I switched to rum. 
This year I graduated to Myerss Rum? 


White гит may be what you learn оп. But 
Myers's dark rum will advance your edu- 
cation. It will teach you just how good tasting 
rum can be. Because with Myers's Rum 
you get a smoother, softer taste that comes 
from master-blending and longer aging. 

What makes Myers's precious imported 
rum cost more, makes Myers' taste better. 

In cola, soda. fruit juice or any of your 
favorite mixers. 


22 


IMPORTED ANO BOTTLED BY FREDL MYERS 8 SONCO BALTIMORE, MD. 


IT BETTER. Taste how Myers's improves on cola, soda, tonic, fruit juice. Free Recipe Book: 
200 Myers Rum Recipe Book, Dept. PB, PO. Box 4605, Westbury, New York 11590. Offer expires December 31, 1980. 


PLAYBOY’S PIPELINE 


MAN & WOMAN 


TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR 


HER MOVE 


The phone rings. “Honey. they've 
transferred me to Phoenix. How soon 
сап you be packed?" It's an old story 
with a contemporary twist: Because 
working women and their employers 
are taking her carcer ever more serious 
ly, the voice is li 
suming you can't talk her out of it and 
aren't ready to use her departure as 
the easy way out of a moribund rela- 
tionship, your only choice is between 


tagging along and long-distance love. 


ely to be female. As- 


HELL, NO, YOU WON'T GO! 

Thousands of couples sustain suc 
cesstul relationships by commuting 
between two cities, though most con 
sider that a temporary expediency 
until one partner finishes school or finds 
suitable employment in the other town, 
When commuting is prolonged, couples may be forced into the 
embarrassing admission that work dominates their lives. A Bos- 
ton man married to a New York manufacturing executive told 
Business Week: “What's most implicit in our living arrangement 
is that our particular positions are more important to us than 
cach other at this point. That's a pretty miserable statemen 

On the up side, commuter relationships enable both partners 
to retain their jobs and, without distractions such as sex and 
fun, keep their minds on their work. When the couples do 
get together, they have plenty of juicy catching up to do during 
college-style weekends that crackle like minihoneymoons. 

Disadvantages reported by commuting couples include lone- 
liness. lack of shared growth experiences, fears of (and tempta- 
tions to) infidelity, loss of friends suddenly uninterested in hall 
а couple and expenses. The Boston-New York couple spends 
$8000 а year in extra rent, а 
relationships may work if they arc short-t 
each other, but you can shorten th 
partner works for the airlines, has access to a WATS line or 
owns a black box. 


Commuter 
1 you trust 
odds even more if either 


fare and phone bills 


MOVE IT OR LOSE IT 

In the best of possible worlds, when Sweetie goes, your sati 
lying career and lifestyle will smoothly t igrate to her 
new city. If your line is computers. accounting. some enginee 
ing and medical specialties or sales, you come out smel 
a rose wh 


nsi 


rever she plants you. I your livelihood depends 
ay that can't or won't transfer 
dients and contacts, prepare yourself for the 
iffalo sans job, sans 
ds, sans family, long-lost furniture, with 
your sole connection to humanity a woman too involved with 
hell of a lot of attention to 


tion with a com 


eve 


you 


p 
Certain types of men can handle the stress better than 
others. Francine S. Hall, who co-wrote The Two-Career Couple 
with her husband, Douglas, believes youre more likely to 


s 


ive if you define yourself in 
of relationships and leisure activities 
rather than of a job or status i 
porate hierarchy 
perienced. іп moving 
periods of unemployment, 
better off if you're not al 
complex network of social and profes 
sional relationships. Large сі 
to break into than sm: 
(except for high-unemployment urban 
playpens such as Denver, San Diego 
and San Francisco) and it helps if 
you're a free-spirited dilettantish sort of 
guy who can sce the move as a golden 
opportunity to try something new. 

Expect a difficult time at least for the 
fist year, but don't bend over back- 
ward to torture yourself. Prowl around 
while she's working and learn your new 
city. Make friends who arc all yours, 
even if it means talking with stra 
men in bars. Comfort yourself with small. pleasures: afternoon 
movies, premium Scotch, men's magazines. Aud keep in touch 
with your old friends; you've merely moved, you're not in exile. 
“After you've lost your old security and have nothing to take its 
place, you may feel your self-worth go straight downhill," says 
Hall, "but hang in there and eventually you'll come back to 
secing yourself as the cool person you've always been, 

OI course, even il the two of you have your collective mind 
right, it may not shicld you against unauthorized assu 
that a couple moves for her job only when thc man makes 
shambles of his carcer or because she wears the С 
bilts in the family. Although you may be solid fi 
mentally, your frail male ego will be wounded by 
of your subordinate role, the so-called Mr. Elizabeth Taylor 
complex. 

“It really helps the guy to have a rationale other people 
will buy,” Hall advises. Sell them the one about how you're 

joying arly retirement, or taking time off for personal 
projects, or indulging a longsuppressed craving to reside i 
Boise. Don't be ashamed of passing out a good story: the face 
you save may be your own. 

If her firm thinks she's good enough to transfer, it probably 
thinks she's good enough to keep 
and single cohabitants witt: indust 
demand that it find you a jı 
nections. N 


cor- 


You should be ex- 
accustomed. to 
nd you're 


casier 


e 


bpy- Married. wom 
Lstrength chutzpah—ca 
ither within the company or 


mong its co с of fact, twice as many companies 
(80 percent) provided job-finding services for transferred execu. 
tives’ spouses last у did the previous year. according to 


Merill Lynch Relocation Management, Inc. The companies 
would either refer the spouse to an employment. agency or 
counsel the spouse informally themselves. Also, firms сап be 
persuaded to delay transfer until the time is better for the 
spouse. And if you're buying or selling homes. you can consult 
RELO. a free intercity full-service relocation. counselor. The 
male-female relations may have changed fr 
goest” to “With her you go." but be creative 
and you won't just be along for the ride. —THEODORE FISCHER 


201 


PLAYBOY 


202 


Golden Lights ends 
every-which-way 
search for taste. 


With 75 low tar products to choose from, __ 
over 1 million smokers switched to Golden Lights... 
often after just one pack. 


Йе сыер ы ee 
=г жаң сс zm 
НЕ В жа 
ж өс О 


Milas 


| 5 n 2 M4 юп. 


Тан MGTAR мелі т мо j 
O&MG.NC. O9MGNC. OSMGNC. овмсмс оомсмс оамсмс самсыс {| 


» Golden Lights. 
fis" The taste you'll swear by... 
. notet. 


Warn ing: The Surgeon. General Has Determined Source comparative ‘tar and nicotine figures: Either FTC Report May 1978, or ЕТС Method 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. OFf All Brands Sold: Lowest tar: 0.5 mg. ‘tar,’ 0.05 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette, 
Golden Lights: 8 mg. tar,’ 0.7 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC Method, 


© Lorillord, U.S.A.. 1980 


PLAYBOY’S PIPELINE 


THE SECRETS OF SHOOTING POWER POOL 


TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR 


ifty years ago, when a pool hall 
burned down, a newspaper could 
dramatize the tragedy by report- 
ing that 5000 men were homeless. While 
that would still be an exaggeration to- 
day, the game of pool has been enjoy- 
ing a vigorous revival. A 1979 survey of 
participant sports taken by the A. С. 
Nielsen Company revealed the surpris- 
ing fact thar there are more male pool 
players in America than there are male 
bowlers, skiers, golfers. or tennis play- 
ers. Fight ball, thanks to the prolifera- 
tion of the coin-operated bar table, has 
probably become the most often played 
game in the land. Tavern leagues are 
sprouting everywhere and are growing 
at a rate too fast to follow. St. Peters- 
burg, Florida, for example, boasts 1500 
players on eight ball teams (one third 
of the players are women) and is the 
scene of an annual banquet for 1300 
players and guests with prizes totaling about $25,000. Cen 
erally, the larger the city, the larger the numbers. In 1978, New 
Orleans had 4500 men and women competing in а business- 
sponsored eightball tournament. Skill at pool is no longer 
evidence of a misspent youth—it is a social necessity. 
Like all great games, pool can be enjoyed at any level. But 
playing well—infinitely more fun than playing poorly—re- 
quires the scrupulous observance of certain fundamentals: 


BUILD A FIRM BRIDGE 

Provide the cue with rocksteady support by planting your 
bridge hand on the table as solidly as possible, with the fingers 
spread and the heel of the hand on the cloth. Resting the cue 
in the V formed by the thumb and forefinger is OK for shots 
that don't require English, but if you plan to impart spin to the 
cue ball, you must learn to keep the cue on line by curling the 
forefinger around it. 


USE THE RIGHT GRIP 

Don't whiten your knuckles by grabbing the cue like a base- 
ball bat, and don't use a fastidious teaspoon grip. Hold the 
butt of the cue lightly but firmly in the crotch of the thumb 
and forefinger, with two or three fingers resting against. the 
underside. Keep the wrist lexible. When the cue tip is against 
the cue ball, the forearm should be pointing straight down. 


KEEP THE CUE LEVEL 

Unless you are trying to make the сие ball jump or curve, 
keep the cue as level as possible. To impart backspin to the cue 
ball by hitting it below center, lower the bridge hand, don't 
raise the back of the cue. Don't build a normal bridge on a rail, 
because you will have to shoot down at the cue ball; instead, 
lay the cue on the rail and form the bridge hand around it. 


FOLLOW STRAIGHT THROUGH 
During the warm-up strokes, which should be smooth, straight 
and authoritative, and when hitting the cue ball, only the 


forearm should move, not the head or 
the body. The forearm should s 
back and forth in a vertical plane, 
a pendulum suspended from a motion- 
Tess elbow. Hit through the cue ball in 
a straight line without letting the tip 
veer to one side or another and certain- 
ly without letting it into the air 
like a partridge . . . unless, of course, 
you are masquerading as a neophyte. 


CROUCH 

Plan the shot while standing erect, 
execute it while bending over low 
enough to aim the cue like а rifle. If 
you change your mind about the hit, 
speed or spin while in the aiming 
crouch, straighten up and start over. 


CHALK UP 

You deserve no sympathy if you 
chalk up after miscuing. Chalk the tip 
whenever you decide to strike the сис ball anywhere but dead 
center. The tip itself should be exactly the diameter of the end 
of the cue without the slightest overhang. Don't try to play with 
а flat tip—shape it with sandpaper to give it the approximate 
curvature of a quarter. 


THINK AHEAD 

‘The secret of clearing the table lies not so much in making 
tough shots as in avoiding them by controlling the cue ball. 
Delicacy of touch, experience, even genius are brought to bear 
ss "position," but newcomers can accomplish 
a lot without using tricky English just by varying cue-ball speed. 
Never take a shot without looking ahead to the next one. The 

ame is as much mental as physical, which is why crafty old men 
with fading eyesight can often handle young hot-shots. 


THE RIGHT ATTITUDE 

"There's more to shooting pool than just knowing how to 
stand and where to hit the ball. The player who's cool in the 
clutch also has a big advantage over his opponent. Learn to 
play with a quiet confidence and without thinking negatively. 


TAKE A LESSON 

There is simply no substitute for intelligent coaching, espe- 
cially carly on. It’s the only short cut to prowess. Because not 
all expert players are good teachers, ask for a recommendation 
from a billiard.room proprietor or a dealer in billiard supplies. 


READ A BOOK 

As many as a dozen how-to-play-pool titles can be found on 
the shelves of a well-stocked bookstore. With a low bow to my- 
self. one of the most comprehensive is Byrne's Standard Book 
of Pool and Billiards, which is especially good on advanced 
technique. tactics and strategy. Still the best book for beginners 
is Willie Mosconi on Pocket Billiards. Worth while are The 99 
Critical Shots in Pool, by Ray Martin and Rosser Reeves, and 
Mastering Pool, by George Fels. Good shooting! —RoBERT BYRNE 


203 


*COINTREAU PRESENTS A NEW AFTER DINNER DRINK.COINTREAU IN COFFEE. 
At the end of the day a cup of coffee can be something special. But to make it something more, some- 
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PLAYBOY’S PIPELINE 


GETTING INTO CUSTOM-MADE CLOTHES 


TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR 


isit to a custom tailor is a long 
A ay from the sort of super- 

market operations that dominate 
modern retailing. Given plenty of 
time—and money—a good tailor can 
make you a suit, a sports jacket or a 
shirt that will fit better and, conse- 
quently, look better than any ready- 
made garment. 


WHY NOT THE BEST? 

You'll start with a bit of talk about 
style. A good tailor should have sam- 
ples of various designs on hand to help 
you make a decision. When the design 
questions have been settled, it's time to 
select a fabric. Better tailors are likely 
to have an inventory of several thou- 
sand kinds of cloth. They can supple- 
ment their stock with swatch books of 
samples that they order from suppliers. 
Your tailor should also have some sug- 
gestions abont color, weight and pattern ta help yon choose 

Measurements are the next step. A good tailor may make as 
many as 13 different measurements to fit a suit coat and another 
ten for the pants. He uses these to make a paper pattern to 
guide the actual cutting. The pattern will be modified as 
necessary during the fitting process and then kept on file for 
future orders. If your dimensions don't change. you can buy 
subsequent garments with only а single final fitting. 

The first fitting on your first suit will have you trying on a 
sleeveless approximation of the finished coat. The seams will be 
basted—lightly sewn—so that the tailor can rip them apart eas- 
ily. He is likely to tear out the shoulder seams in order to get 
the front of the coat to hang just right. That will have to be 
done separately for each side, since nobody is symmetrical. 

The second time you see the suit, it will look much more 
finished, but certain irrevocable decisions—such as the place- 
ment of buttonholes—will be left to the very end of the process. 
Incidentally, the mark of a true custom-made suit or sports coat 
is cuffs that actually button. Insist on them. 

A good tailor makes a suit to fit your precise dimensions, but 
he does more than just work from the numbers. He will also 
notice how you stand. If you have the carriage of a regimental 
sergeant major, he will cut the front of your coat a little wider 
and the back a little narrower. And he'll put the armholes 
toward the back, where your arms are. 


THE COST OF CUSTOM TAILORING 

You will, of course, have to pay for a fit that good. 
tailored suit coat has 25 to 30 hours of expensive skilled labor 
sewn into it, and that doesn't count the tailor's judgment in 
fitting or his work as a designer. 

Prices vary somewhat around the country, but you can expect 
to pay an absolute minimum of $600 for a two-piece suit. A 
vest will add at least another $100. This price assumes the 
cheapest fabric a tailor is likely to stock. If you would like 
something in, say, a good British woolen, you can expect the 
price to skyrocket. 


Sports-coat prices begin around $500 
and slacks run about $175 a pair. A 
cashmere overcoat can run as much 
as $1500. Shirts start around 550 and 
may go as high as 5195 or more 
for silk. 


WHERE TO FIND A TAILOR 

If the prospect of a perfect fit makes 
you long for a custom-made suit, how 
do you pick a tailor who can deliver 
what you want? Word of mouth is the 
best way, but if you don’t know anyone 
with a good tailor, you'll have to do 
some shopping around. 

Longevity is a good thing to look for. 
Most tailors get about 90 percent of 
their sales from repeat customers. If a 
tailor has been in business for 20 or 30 
years, chances are he is satisfying them. 

Tailors should have some samples on 
hand for you to look at. Begin by in- 
specting a coat made from a patterned fabric, such as a 
glen plaid. The individual pieces should fit together perfectly, 
with no breaks apparent in the pattern. Lapels on finished 
coats should have a symmetry that is usually lacking on ready- 
mades and they should have a slight roll. 

Obviously. if you are looking for a cheap suit. custom tai- 
loring is not for you. However, the prices don't look so high 
when compared with the most expensive lines of ready-made 
clothes. Designer originals off the rack often start about $500, too. 


SEMICUSTOM TAILORING 

You can get a semicustom-tailored garment at substantial sav- 
ings if you go to what is known in the trade as a cut, make and 
trim operation. These shops take your measurements and send 
them to a factory. The factory returns a finished garment. 

Factories can save a lot by using automatic machinery and 
by locating in areas where people are willing to work for lower 
wages. A cut, make and trim suit manufactured in Hong Kong 
can be had for as little as $160, with better-quality fabrics 
ranging up to $400. Shirts start as low as $20. 

‘These are bargain prices, but you are giving up something 
to save the money. Making certain that a garment really con- 
forms to your body requires a series of fittings. 

Brooks Brothers has its own variation on the semicustom- 
made suit that it calls the special-order suit. If you buy a 
spedalorder suit, you can select any imported fabric from 
Brooks Brothers’ stock, but the style cannot depart from the 
usual Brooks designs. Your measurements are sent to the 
factory, which returns a partly finished garment for one fitting 
before the suit is completed. Brooks recommends special-order 
suits for men who have problems getting fitted off the rack. 
It charges $55 over the off-therack price for a special-order 
suit and $35 more for a special-order sports coat. 

Custom threads may be expensive, but they pay huge returns 
in looks and self-esteem. And when you walk down the street 
in greatfiting clothes, somebody's bound to say: "Man, he 
looks like a million bucks." — JERRY SULLIVAN 


B ж; 


PLAYBOY 


206 


YOU HAVE TO BE LIBERATED 


(continued from page 162) 


“One man’s humor is another's bad taste, while one 
woman's funny bone is another woman's soapbox.” 


in the pillory or the jailhouse for their 
humor is very long: it includes Rabelais, 
Voltaire. the Marquis de Sade, and also 
the relatively dour Defoe. whose attempt 
at a satirical essay about the mistreat- 
ment of dissenters misfired utterly, land- 
ing him in the stocks. 

Nothing is quite as dangerous to its 
author as satire, for satire depends upon 
tone, subtle word use, topical social ref- 
erence and, especially, the capacity for 
humor of its readers—something the 
writer сап neither predict nor control. 
Since the funny bone is a vestigial organ 
in times of social change, and since the 
gift for irony is always a rather rare 
human trait, the satirist always runs 
the risk of being misunderstood by both. 
sides of any issue: If the king doesn't 
behead him, the revolutionary tribunal 
surely will. 

Thus, I fear that we will restore а 
sense of humor between the sexes only 
when we are more secure about our new 
roles in society. When women truly feel 
liberated, they will be able to laugh at 
themselves again, and when men truly 
accept female equality, they will nou wor- 
ry so much about how to aa with 
liberated women. 


. 

Neither literature nor life сап be 
reduced to revolutionary slogans without. 
great violence being done to our human- 
y. There is a tendency in this country 


to try to reduce both writers and their 
books to slogans and to attempt to re- 


cruit them as soldiers in various ideolog 
cal battles. "What do you really mean by 
the ending of your novcl?" readers are 
always asking; and books are often re- 
viewed according to the sides they scem 
to be taking—when, in fact, it should be 
obvious that if one wished merely to take 
sides, one would hardly go to the trou- 
ble of writing a 300-page novel. The 
novelist writes novels precisely because 
the human events he or she wishes to 
chronicle cannot be reduced to slogans. 
Nevertheless, the books that fascinate 
us at any given historical moment are in- 
dicative of certain cultural trends. The 
popularity of a novel like Garp, for 
example, with its obsessive concentra- 
tion on various forms of castration— 
both real and symbolic—bespeaks а 
rather different historical moment in the 
relations between the sexes than the 
popularity of a book like Fear of Flying 
(in which sex is more often absurd and 
humorous than tragic and destructive). 
What conclusions we draw from those 
differing attitudes toward sex is another 


matter. Patterns of sexual change take 
years to emerge and we are not very good 
at recognizing them in our own culture. 
Still. it is true, as Henry Miller once said, 
that “books are created in answer to 
our inner needs.” Thus, it is important 
to recognize the grim and violent com- 
ponent in a novel like Garp and to 
meditate on why so many readers find in 
that violent sexuality a mirror of their 
own lives. I often become discouraged by 
the amount of violence I see in American 
novels (and, of course, in movies and on 
TV) because it seems to me that we 
turn toward violence as a source of titil- 
lation, a way out of emotional numbness, 
an excitement beyond that of sexuality 
(but which also has a sexual component). 
I have always marveled at the curious 
double standard that sces sex as dirty and 
mayhem as acceptable for family con- 
sumption. Even in the old days of cen- 
sorship, a disembowcling wouldn't get 
you banned in Boston, but a blow job. 
surely would. 

If books are created їп response to 
our inner necds, so, too, is humor. As our 
sexual roles begin to change, our humor 
about sex must also change, Jokes that 
degrade women are not as funny as they 
once were, Mother-in-law jokes and sexy- 
secretary jokes seem more and more 
irrelevant and tasteless as we come to 
recognize the humanity of women. Some 
of us are beginning to find we can no 
longer laugh at women as fragmented 
organs. But when the old humor of 
oppression dies, what will come to take 
its place? The humor of derogation must 
have a scapegoat as surely as а circus 
must have a clown, and for centuries, 
women served that purpose. I think that 
much of the current nervousness about 
men and women, as well as the cur- 
rent uncertainty about what is or is not 
funny, stems from the fact that sexual 
values are changing at different rates in 
different parts of the world. What may 
be funny in Woody Allen's Manhattan 
is tragic in Iran, a matter of total in- 
difference in the gay bars of San Fran- 
cisco and almost incomprehensible in the 
truck stops of Montana. While gentle 
irony runs the risk of being baffling to 
the unsophisticated, the most outrageous 
and iconoclastic humor runs the risk of 
sending its author to the gibbet or the 
guillotine—especially in times of chang- 
ing values. And that is one reason why 
humor between the sexes is so prob- 
lematical right now: We have literally 
dozens of sexual cultures coexisting side 
by side. 


While I am not the sort of feminist 
who feels offended by nude female cen- 
terfolds (on the contrary, I think they 
serve a useful social function—if you con- 
sider masturbation useful, that is), I do 
wince at the unrecognized sexism in a 
film like Manhattan—which poses as be- 
ing sexually hip but really takes a series 
of notso-funny swipes at women. Jokes 
about wives turning lesbian and writing 
books about their ex-husbands don't tick- 
16 my funny bone. Just as my gut feeling 
says that anti-Semitic jokes are funny 
only when told by Jews, I tend to feel 
that jokes about women turning lesbian 
(or turning writer) are funny only when 
told by women writers. And even then, 
people are likely to misunderstand. 

When I attempted a spoof of lesbian 
chic in How to Save Your Own Life, lots 
of people thought I was questioning gay 
rights, or attacking lesbian sex. when I 
was only trying to parody the absurd sit- 
uation that results when people choose 
their sexual partners out of duty, fad- 
dishness or status seeking rather than out 
of true inclination, But you sce how 
tricky this whole matter із: What is зех- 
ually funny depends not only on the joke 
but on the teller, not only on the teller 
but on the audience. 

Well, where does that leave us? We 
cannot have only men telling jokes about 
men and women telling jokes about 
women and a high commissar of sexual 
humor arbiwating it all. That would 
be even worse than the present an- 
archy. And it remains regrettably true 
that one man's humor is another man's 
bad taste, while one woman's funny bone 
another woman's soapbox. Just as 
there are people who consider any hu- 
mor counterrevolutionary, the majority 
of people consider their own jokes funny 
and someone else's jokes tasteless. Nor 
does one's sense of humor fail to change 
in the course of one’s development, Fart 
jokes are not as sublimely humorous to 
me as they were when I was ten (though 
they're still a whole lot better than most 
of the jokes I hear). Polish jokes are, 1 
guess, funny to me only because I'm not 
Polish. I adore The Benny Hill Show, 
despite the fact that my English intellec- 
tual friends think it's the pits; and I am 
more offended by a Woody Allen slur 
upon women than by a Benny Hill one, 
because I expect things from а fellow 
New Yorker, fellow Jew, fellow writer 
that I would never expect from a British 
vaudevillian. 

Aha. Perhaps that is thc crux of the 
matter with sexual humor: our expecta- 
tions. What is funny coming from an 
unenlightened boob is not so funny com- 
ing from а sophisticate. As women's 
status (presumably) rises amd various 
sexual standards coexist, it becomes more 
and more difficult to separate humor 
Írom bad taste. Moreover, that separa- 
tion must be made again and again and 


"Where have you been? Your camel came home hours ago." 


207 


PLAYBOY 


on all levels. Since we judge not only 
the joke itself but the joke in the context 
of teller and hearer, we are constantly 
being called upon to make subtle ad- 
justments in the tuning of our funny 
bones. We need a veritable xylophone of 
funny bones to deal with our present 
cultural chaos. 

In the past, the dependably low status 
of women provided a rather easy, ever- 
available target for humor. "Never trust 
а woman, not even a dead one," goes an 
old Slavic proverb. "Women are only 
children of а larger growth," said Lord 
Chesterfield. "Here lies my wife: here 
let her lie./ Now she's at rest. And so am 
1," said John Dryden in a character: 
couplet. Female gabbiness, wiliness, stu 
pidity, stubbornness, lecherousness, ex- 
travagance, fecklessness, fickleness, and 
зо on, provided unfailing sources of зех- 
ual jokes. As long as society at large 
accepted those givens about female char- 
acter—or the lack of it—there was never 
any dearth of material for jokes about 
the sexual status quo. No one seemed to 
notice that the sexual stereotypes about 
women often contradicted one another 
totally. In fact, if you study a compen- 
m of dirty jokes about women. you 
will find that our sex is condemned {ог 
being sexless and insatiable, stingy and 
extravagant, duplicitous and naive, dom- 
inant and submissive. Never mind what 
we really are; the only constant is con- 
stant condemnation. 

In his brilliant (if occasionally daft 


and dogmatically Freudian) book, Ка- 
tionale of the Dirty Joke, Gershon Leg- 
man points out that humor is in reality 
verbal aggression and that most jokes 
about women derive from men’s fear of 
female dominance. Sexual humor about 
women is, in fact, a way of settling 
scores. Men feel that women have too 
much power in sex (and perhaps in all 
of life) and they use hostile humor as the 
great equalizer. Samuel Johnson summed 
up this basic male fear and envy of 
women in his famous line “Nature has 
given women so much power, that the 
Law has wisely given them little.” Here, 
I suspect, is the origin of patriarchy and 
of patriarchal humor as well. 

Woman's awesome ability to create 
life, together with man's uncertainty 
about paternity, potency and perform- 
ance, leads to the frantic male need to 
control women that results in patriarchy. 
Since we are all inheritors of patriarchal 
culture, patriarchal assumptions, patriar- 
chal literature, art, religion, sex and 
sexual jokes, it is hard for us to see how 
truly pervasive and distorting an influ- 
ence it is upon our lives—particularly 
our sexual lives. But we must try. The 
very fact that our Bible shows man giv- 
ing birth to woman (rather than birth 
happening in that ordinary yet miracu- 
lous way it happens all over the earth, 
every millisecond) should alert us to the 
topsy-turvy way our culture has chosen 
to misperceive reality. But all of man’s 
attempts to hold women down have 


availed him nought. He has succeeded in 
making us economic semislaves. social 
inferiors and handmaidens rather than 
matriarchs: but the battlefield of the bed 
still defeats him. Hence, the function of 
sexual humor: a last-ditch defense against 
that last ditch that entices him, mocks 
him, pleasures him, fascinates him, repels 
him, gi irth to him and, finally, 
buries him. 

Can we honestly expect this to change 
because of а decade of media hype about 
“women’s liberation” and the nervous- 
ness it has wrought? Doubtful. Even if 
the sexes had complete social equality 
(which we are far from having—despite 
working mothers, the cultural changes 
wrought by the two-paycheck family 
and the general acceptance of oral. 
genital sex), male fear of women would 
still have the same physiological and 
psychological roots. 

Perhaps male fear is even greater 
today than in the past because women's 
social status is rising, if only, as yet, in 
token ways. 

Perhaps, too, one of the reasons for the 
great discomfort we see around us de- 
es from the fact that men still have 
the same psychological need to attack 
women (the joke as verbal aggression) 
but it is no longer chic or sophisticated 
to do so, Thus, two imperatives come 
into conflict: The desire to be trendy, 
with it, sophisticated, cool (so crucial 
їп our statusseckmg culture) dictates 
that the hip man be "sensitive" to wom- 
en and pay lip service to "womens 
liberation," but the old, primitive cas- 
tration anxieties still push him to release 
his fear of female dominance in jokes 
that degrade women. Where does this 
conflict leave him? Silent, usually. Silent 
and confused. He can't make the old 
jokes without appearing déclassé, and 
nobody seems to have invented new ones. 
To return to my earlier point about 
humor and mental health, I think that, 
paradoxically, we аге in a worse psycho- 
logical situation now than when we 
could all laugh at some of the classic 
subjects of sexual jokes—big vaginas, 
small penises, female secretions and 
smells, impotent penises and, of course, 
the masturbating nuns. 

Why? Because we have lost the escape 
valve of the sexual joke and found no 
replacement for it. Perhaps that’s why 
there is so much sexual gloom and new- 
ly repressive movements seem to be 
burgeoning everywhere. Women's liber- 
ation made some cosmetic changes and 
inflation sent millions of mothers and 
wives to work, but our basically repres- 
sive patriarchal society has never really 
been restructured, yet we аге not sup- 
posed to talk about this evident truth. 
We are supposed to mouth platitudes 
about "growing liberation for women 
and "sensitive" men as if we were blind 
to the reality of our society's underlying 
structures. Both men and women suffer 


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as a result of this lying, particularly this 
lying to self. The old humor of oppres- 
sion at least reflected certain basic truths 
about society. Men were alraid of wom- 
cn sexually; women were socially manip- 
ulated by men. Now we have lost that 
tradition of hostile humor, but we have 
yet to create a humor of liberation—so 
either we laugh at the old degrading 
jokes and feel guilty and smarmy or we 
shut up and feel repressed. Neither one 
provides much outlet for our psychologi- 
cal needs. 
P 

But perhaps the Eighties will be a 
time of sexual reconciliation through 
humor. Maybe the concept of a liberated 
jokebook isn't a contradiction in terms. 
Dottie Archibald, one of the brightest of 
the new breed of women stand-up come- 
dians and now a regular on The Merv 
Griffin Show, may be pointing us in the 
ri ight direction. 

rtainly, humor needs а scapegoat 

says Archibald. “But the scapegoat can be 
the situation, not a gender-linked trait." 
Archibald herself, who writes her mate- 
rial with her husband, has two rules for 
her humor: no self-deprecation and no 
female retaliation against men (eg. 
small-dick jokes—to compensate for all 
those years of big-vagina jokes). She 
honors Totie Fields, Phyllis Diller and 
Joan Rivers for opening the field of com- 
edy to women but notes (as I have often 
noted myself) that their humor often 
sadly relies on self-attack. 

She wants, rather, to portray “the 
intelligent woman baffled by the 
world"—and she succeeds admirably, I 
think. She has created the persona of 2 
working woman with house and spouse, 
but though she pokes fun at her hus 
band, she pokes equal fun at herself— 
albeit not in the way of Diller or Rivers. 
There is no talk of her inability to snare 
a husband and no making herself look 
freakish. She comes on stage looking like 
a pretty, 30ish woman, dressed іп or 
nary but attractive clothes. Нег mysti 
fication by life may then represent that 
of her women viewers. “She has walked 
out of the audience and turned around,” 
Griffin says of her. 

Dottie Archibald maintains that things 
are certainly getting better in the field of 
liberated humor. Few of the younger 
male comics rely on sexist jokes anymore, 
she says, and the opportunities for wom- 
en are greater than ever. We may finally 
be entering an age, she insists, in which 
it is possible to make fun of human traits 
rather than of those of either men or 
women. 

I certainly hope the Eighties prove 
that true. Whatever else the decade 
brings, it'll be а lot easier tor all of us 
to take if we сап have our laughs—and 


be liberated, too. 


MEDICINE AND THE MIND 


(continued from page 122) 


“Why, in a world in which almost everything seems 
to be carcinogenic, don't we all get cancer?” 


ıs to have a direct bearing on, 
active feedback relationship with, physi 
cal health; and, second, because tradi 
tional modern medicine has found itself 
in the embarrassing position of being 
able to cure more and more specific di 
ses without being able, in certain re- 
spects. fundamentally to improve health. 

"The extension of man's life span at 
wibuable to medical intervention is 
very. very minimal," says Ken Pelletier, 
а protessor at the School of Medicine of 
the University of California, San. Fran. 
cisco and one of the 1 
of and spokesmen for a new approa 
health care. one that considers the 
mind—or spirit, il you will—as at least 
ner with medicine in the 
health. "Increased. dis- 


nomic equality, hygiene and the quality 
ol the environment—despite recent ap. 
ances to the contrary—have had a 
great deal more to do with our increase 
in longevity and the apparent improve 
ment in our health than has any specific 
medical intervention. 

As belits a general in the growing army 
of new-age health experts, Pelletier wears 
a shirt with epaulets: battle fatigues 
And, also appropriately, he looks un- 
naturally healthy. Unnaturally. Even in 
Calilornia, the appearance of such splen- 
did health is not common. The whites of 
his eyes are as white as the glare of sun 
on a cars windshield. 
blood or a spot ol yellow. His ski 
with such a vital tan it seems as though. 
if Т stayed long е his presence. 
my own skin would brown [rom his 
stored-up and reflected. radiance. His 
thin is dimpled—also appropriately— 
with an inverted peace sign. Sensibility 


of the Sixties informing medicine for the 
Eighties. 
"By 1950 to Pelletier says, 


“medications like the sulfa drugs and po- 


lio vaccine had in а major way stemmed 
the infectious disorders, The classic 
plagues.” What should have happened 


then was that more and more people 
would live longer and health lives. 
What did happen was that more and 
more people lived longer but not par- 
ticularly healthier live: 

What we saw," 5 Pelletier, “was 
an increase in noninfectious, nonspecific, 
Б elated disorders like ulcers. And 
those have been steadily increasing. To- 
day, you could conservatively say that 50 
to 80 percent of all disorders in the 
United States are stress related. I think 
it's probably closer to 90 percent." 


The stress-related diseases were not 
simply the chorus suddenly stepping to 
the apron of the stage once the sta 
were gone, he believes. “If he says. 
ter around 1955, once the infectious 
diseases were largely stemmed in this 
country, you suddenly saw an enormous 
mushrooming of these noninfectious, 
onspecific, stress-related afflict 
civilization, you could say. "Well, these 
were all masked by the infectious dis 
twe have gotten under control 
people who would have 


ons of 


these м 


polio or one of the sulfa-related. infec 
tions like pneumonia i 17 But the 
wasnt that sudden mushrooming. What 
ppened alter around 1955, 1956, was 

gradual incremental. increase in both 
the ratio of individuals succumbing to 
these disorders and their absolute num. 
bers. So it wasn't that these stress-related 
disorders were simply masked by the 
infectious diseases." 

AL first glance, it almost seems as 
though, deprived of our old diseases, we 
vented new ones to manifest some 
essential dysfunction or lack of harmony 
within, something corrupt at the core of 
our being—as though all disease were 
merely an expression of something that 
blocked in one direction. would find an 
outlet in another. 

At second glance, the increase in stress- 
related diseases may seem a function of 
the change in our understanding of dis- 
case. Many disorders that formerly were 
not considered stress-related—even some 
nfections discases—are now being rede- 
fined as having some stress-related com- 
ponent. 

“UL you look а 
ture in the field," says Pelletier, "you 
ght even conclude that virtually all 
states of discase. all states of health are 
to some degree psychosomatic. The four 
major categories of disease in the United 


the most recent litera- 


States today—cardiovascular diseases, 
cancer, arthritis and respiratory disor- 
ders—are increasingly seen as psychoso- 


matic. 1 think that virtually all viral 
infections are stress-related, virt 
inflammatory disorders are str 
The only disorders that are not are trau- 
matic injuries. Accidents. 

Alter considering lor a moment, he 
admits that even some accidents could 
be the result of. psychological states. A 
tes from his wife and 
few months breaks ап arm, 
which tempts the sympathetic wile to 
take him back and nurse him. If the hus- 
band knows the wife well enough to be 


reasonably sure that, if he were injured, 
she would unbolt the door to him, he un- 
sciously may have promoted the acci- 


E 


dent. 

If virtually all states of disease have a 
psychosomatic component (psychosomat 
ic meaning not that the mind c 
е but that the mind and body аге 
elated that they act on each 
ntimate, direct and insep- 

mes 


uses the 


able way), then the question bec 


1 why there has been a т 
stressrelated disorders but also why one 


nd another 


ts a d 


п doesn't. Why does one two-pack 
адау smoker get lung cancer and an 
other doesn't Why, in a world in which 
almost cverything—from the air 
breathe to the water we drink—scems to 
өрепіс, don't we all get cancer: 
Two of the hiealtl-obsessed 
people I know—friends from Vermont— 
jog 12 miles а day, are vegetarians, drink 
only bouled water, and always have sick 
ly pallors, constantly complain about ai 
ments and frequently get colds, And а 
friend who lives in what is apparently 
the least healthy way—slurping up fatty 
gravis. drinking to excess, snorting- 
smokingpopping powders-weeds-pills. 
ting exercise only as a by-product of 
his hell raising—radiates health. 
Lifedenying versus life-affirming be- 


we 


be саго 


most 


havior. Stress versus joy. Calvin versus 
Rabelais 
But how does it work? 
е 
The natural field for de with 
such an issue, psychosomatic: medic 


has expanded and changed, as med 
doctors have become more psychologi 
ly oriented and psychiatrists more bio 
logically oriented. But psychosomatic 
medicine. hound to its classical Freudian 
roots, did not easily allow for the kind 
of interdisciplinary approach that was 
necessary to tackle the mystery. 


nap 
proach that involved. not just medicine 
and psychiatry but also epidemiolog 
ventive med 


ent com- 
rca, since its been 
estimated that fewer than half of all prc- 
script ade out in tl ed St 
are filled and, of those that are filled, 
апу are misused, people not taking the 
medication when or for as long as they 
should or taking it when they shouldn't). 

The field rapidly moved from in 
through adolescence. The kid was grow. 
ing up: the old coat no longer fit, so he 
looked around for a new, snazzy reversi- 
ble style. The sober side, charcoal with 
chalk. pinstripes, was behavioral medi- 
cine. The flashy side, multicolored silk. 
was holistic med 

Behavioral medicine, when it first 
gained currency (in a book called Bio- 
feedback: Behavioral Medicine, edited 


ons 


es 


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EXCLUSIVELY FINE CHAMPAGNE COGNAC: FROM THE TWO"PREMIERS CRUS"OF THE COGNAC RECION 


by Lee Burke 
meant a behavioral 
treatment of disease. 
cause of disease.” says I 
of Yale, one of the res 
ble for the development of this new 
field, “but literally modifying people's 
behavior as a way of treating discasc." 

In 1977, Schwartz and Stephen Weiss 
of the National Heart, Lung and Blood 
Institute put together a conference at 
Yale to bring some order to a field that 
pidly 
in the uppe 
ce tends to inflate egos: and. 
while Schwartz—like more ilia гог 
the over three dozen people 1 talked 
with while researching, this article—was 
amiable, modest and helpful, more than 


ad published in 1973). 
approach to the 
"Not only the 
Cary Schwartz 
chers respon 


chaotical 
stratosphere 


and 


baker's dozen were for 
their arrogance. The lure of a Nobel 
Prize hangs as brilliant and uncanny аз 


а moon in 
scientists 


their skies. Many of these 
the prowl for whatever 
immortality our doomed planet still 
offers. Ravenous as werewolves, they 
will feed off any innocent who crosses 
their path. All of which is not as irrcle- 
vant it might scem, because research 
fucled by egoism can run into problems. 
The spark struck by the collision of two 
such egos can ignite the [uel and cause 
the whole business to go up in flames. 
Which means that the organizing of any 
new field of science is as much a product 
of soothing babies in white smocks as it 
is the result of meetings of coolheaded 
professors. At any rate, in the past two 
years, behavioral medicine has metasta- 
sized throughout the country and today 
is being taught in 20 medical schools. 

Now we turn the coat inside out and, 
voilà! Holistic medicine. 
“Holistic medi Schwartz ex- 
ns, “is a loose term that implies treat- 
ing the whole person in a system"; that 
is. seeing the patient within his or hı 
own context ly. community, society. 
"And holistic medicine has become a 
catchall phrase that justifies trying any 
school of thought or technique that 
might be related to health. Consequent- 
ly, it often picks up the so-called lunatic 
fringe of health 

The difference between behavioral 
medicine and holistic medicine is that 
behavioral medicine is grounded within 
the scientific community—which mea 
that any claim must be backed by гер 
able experiments. 

То go forward, the advocates of a new 
approach to medicine—whether it be 
called. psychosomatic, bel ral or ho- 
listic—have had to go backward. In the 
West, certain personality types have been 
associated with particular diseases since 
at least the Second Century лр., when 
Galen noticed that depressed women 
were more likely to get 
py women were. In the 17th Century. 
Descartes—as though separating the egg 


yolk from the white—divorced the mind 
and the body; after that, the correlation 
between personality and disease seemed 
ess and less valid. The body was merely 
hine that the mind drove around, a 
at today indi rch 
through terminal wards of hospitals for 
spare parts. If the transmission of your 
car breaks down, you take it out and put 
in a new one; if your heart breaks down, 
1 out and put in a new onc. 
though the correlation between 
personality and disease tended to be of 
ially ignored, it was not entirely lost. 
Lay people, free of medical prejudices, 
observed what seemed to be common- 
between the way 
people behaved and the ailments they 
suffered from, And while common sense, 
4 king's fool, can sometimes dwell on 
elevant, more often, also like а 
y's fool, it tells us in an unofficial way 
the truths we otherwise ignore. 

Gradually, the medical community be 
gan to recognize the mind's ability to 
affect the body in a [ew disease states, 
the classic psychosomatic complaints like 
ulcers, asthma and hypertension. This 
wedge opened the field. Its as though 
we had been chopping up the tree of 
knowledge for [ucl and. splitting the log 
in logic, found trapped inside, like some 
mythological sprite, the spirit of the new 
medicine, One by one, psychological 
components were connected to disorders. 
тіріс, in 1955. С. L. Engel pub- 
lished a study that suggested pati 
sulle 


Cs ws to м 


sense connection 


neat, morally rigid, overintellect 
forming and anxious—fastidious sheep 
desperate to stay within the herd. In 
1965, R. Н. Moos and G. Е, Solomon 
published a study that suggested patients 
sullering from rheumatoid arthritis tend- 
ed to be mart self-conscious, shy, in- 
tolerant of anything less than perfection, 
inhibited, tense, nervous, moody: con- 
vinced their mothers had rejected them 
and their fathers had been extremely 
strict; unable to express anger; and— 
oddly—fond of sports. 

Evidence of correlation. continued to 
mount and, in the early Seventies, 
reached a critical mass. The explosion, a 
modest enough bomb, a mere nitroglyc- 
n pill set off in the heart of the mat 
was the publication in 1974 of 
Friedman and Ray H. Rosen- 
5 Type A Behavior and Your Heart. 
That book, even more than the study 
that preceded it"—in the professional 
publication Annals of Clinical Research 
in 1971—"opened things up a lot," says 
Pelletier. "It came from an absolutely 
reputable source and, probably more 
portantly for its impact on the gen 
public, hit the major killer: cardiovas- 
cular disease.” 

What a shock: The mailed fist that 
punches up your left arm and grabs your 


heart, squeezing it like a ripe persim. 
mon and trying to drive it across your 
chest, up your throat and out you 
mouth, that armored fist that seems to 
be the very hand of death itself turns out 
to be your own. If you area Type A per- 
ity—which means if you are short- 
pered, competitive, 


ggressive, urgent, 


patient, constantly fecling under pres 
sure time, as though time 
were the y- an evil magician, a Pro- 
teus, capable of transforming himself 


into any form. a deadline, a wife, а child, 
а car that refuses to get out of your way, 
a slow elevator, a secretary, a boss, any 
one or anything that impedes forward 
motion, progress—if you are this type 
of frustrated, angry overachiever, then 
chances are good that you are going 
give yourself a heart attack, an ultimate, 
perhaps final struggle against time: How 
long can you last without the normal 
flow of blood to your brain, ѕиске 

A barrier was broken. Or. rather, a 
membrane was passed through. Ihe cor- 
relations between personality and states 
of disease and health have become so 
clear that, according to Pelletier, "by 
looking at half a dozen or so factors— 
genctic, biological, nutritional, amount 
of physical activity, psychological pro- 
file, environment. etc—you can make a 


о 


pretty accu 
eases a pi 

Last ye Bev, a psy- 
chiatrist with the Southern California 


anente Medical Group іп Los An- 
geles, and Caroline Thomas of Johns 
Hopkins parsed the person even further 
ing a distinction between person- 
nd temperament. “Temperament 
is a given at birth, an inborn disposi! 
that may come from your immediate 
clan," "Personality is the prod- 


ned behavior." 
sus acquired character 


istics. 
Betz holds up the index fingers of both 


hands, as though she were about to do 
Ше hokeypokey. “Temperament has to 
do not with cognitive skills or intelli 
gence but with traits like rate of move- 
Imness,” she says. 
"things that arc recognized in the dog- 
breeding world. for instance. Nurses in 
newborn nurseries now that babies 
aren't all alike. From. the moment 
they're born, th € the little stinkers, 
the calm smily ones and the shy ones. 
The lay person tends to recognize tcm- 
perament more than the scientist does.” 

In fact, although before W. 
‘Two scientists had conducted 
of studies on what was called constitu- 
tion (inborn characteristics), since World 
War Two, scientists have avoided the 
subject as though it carried а moral 
різ bacillus—which, in а жау, it did. 
The step from discussing inborn charac- 
s (emotional, mental, plysical— 


terist 


zu 


PLAYBOY 


214 


and perhaps even spiritual—heirlooms 
passed down from generation to genera- 
ng racial types is very 


tion) to. discuss 
short and leads into an abyss of. propa- 
ganda. 

Added to this 
tackle а subject that could be so danger 
ously misrepresented was the equally 
natural interest in why many fine young 
men who went off to war returned home 
basket cases—apparently demonstrating 
the effect of environment on personality 

“At the same time, psychoanalysis was 
getting stronger and stronger. offering 
a marvelous tool for understanding hu- 
man beings,” says Betz. “The focus of 
research in this area went into how we 
get to be the way we are. People began 
assuming that you'd turn out fine if only 
you had good enough parenting. ade 
quate food supply, dean air to breathe. 
This is important. But that emphasis 
left out something equally important: 
temperament." 

To see if temperament—as distinct 
from personality—could be correlated 
with particular states of disease or 
health, Betz and Thomas exhumed and 
autopsied a body of work Betz had 
buried 30 years before. in 148. At that 
time, she had studied 45 students and 
them 


natural hesitation 1 


Alphas (who w 


classified 


steady. хе reliant and cautious). Betas 


(who were 
cheerful) a 


spo! ous 


10 anger, moody and cither over- or 
underdemanding). Each year thereafter, 
subjects were to write back regarding the 
status of their health. In 1978, Betz 
nalyzed the data that had accumulated. 
Only 25 percent of the Alphas and 
percent of the Betas had been stricken 
with severe illness, while about three 
times that number, 77.3 percent, of the 
Gammas had suffered from serious physi- 
cal or mental disorders, A follow-up 
study confirmed the findings. 

When the results of the studies were 
published іп 1979. the public and the 
press reacted like—well, Gammas. Fran- 
tic, demanding. moody; fascinated, of 
course—Betz is astounded at how тапу 
people contacted her—but the fascina- 
tion roller-coastered from joyful satis- 
faction (at getting nature by the balls 
gain and showing that our species, this 
collection of Alphas, Betas and Gammas. 
could understand the mysteries) to dread. 
After all. it was not like learning that 
you were a Type A personality. Person- 
ality was made up of acquired character- 
istics. so you could learn new ones, learn 
how to change. But inherited Gamma 
traits? It sounded like a death sentence 
Irom which there was no appeal. 

“This theory scares people a 
Betz says. 
have a fat 


Tittle, 
seems as if 


"because it you 


And I believe you do—to a 


ain extent." 


cer 


Discase as fate 


Well, one doctor, respected in the 
new-medicine advocates 
1 in Government circles. 


community of 
nd influent 
says: 

‘One of the things some people in the 
field talk about when they let their hair 
down—never for attribution. but. when 
they're with friends: one of the odd ques- 
tions that keeps coming up—speculation 
only, you understand, just the kind of 
daydreaming that people do at the end 
of a hard day: one of the farthest-out 
possibilities is—and it's not that anyone 
you know, it's 


takes it too seriously, bu 
there—is. 3i 
es a breath and the 


And here he tal 
plunge. 
Is how much of disease and health is 


kai 


ma. 

Karma? 

Wages we must pay lor how we lived 
in previous lives. 

. 

Whether disease is something we do to 
ourselves. generic inheritance or karmic 
judgment. everyone apparently has some 
complicity in the state of his or h 
health. from the ghost of pain to the 
ghoul of cancer. And it may be useful to 
iwo conditions in 
the 


some 
new 


examine these 
detail 
medicine understands them 

“Pain. David E 
director of the UCLA Pa 


to get a sense of how 


Bresl 


n Coi 


the 
trol Unit, 


says Dr 


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215 


PLAYBOY 


216 


“is the most common, expensive and dis- 
abling disorder in the United States 
today." 

And what is pain? 

Attitude—to a great degree. “We know 
the football player who breaks his arm in 
a game is getting a lot of sensations into 
his spinal cord and. brain," says Bresler. 
"Why doesn't he call it painful? When 
you hypnotize a patient, take a scalpel 
nd make incision, there are some 
strong signals coming up the neuraxis. 
Why is that not p: 
What's going on? Obvio 
and the body interact to suppress the ex- 
perience of pain. How? Or take two 
tients with osteoarthritis, the same degi 
of physical degeneration involved. One 
patient is in agony, can't sleep, eat, hold 
a pencil. He goes around dutching his 
hand in genuine, agonizing discomfort. 
The other ра 
feels a little stiff. It’s achy. But 1 write as 
best I can with it. I still work, do other 
things. It doesn’t bother me that much." 

“Why? You can count on the endor- 
phins as an intermediary to expla 
this happens, but what is that second 
patient doing to produce the endorphins? 
1 think it has to do unconsciously with 
that patient's belief system, his cxpecta- 
tions, self-image, basically a whole va 
cty of psychological strategies he isn't 
even aw: 5 AE first patient 
may sec himsell as a hopeless, helpless 
victim of an incurable, horrify i 
ful disorder. The 
himself as somewhat slowed down by a 
little arthriti hands, but he's sure 
not going to let that stop him. It's help- 
Iul to distinguish two aspccts of all thi: 
When you have 


sly, the mind 


n how. 


njury or a 


discase like osteoarthritis, it's sending 
electrical messages through your nervous 


system. Those messages in themselves are 
not painful; they're strong. urgent sig- 
s, but it’s how your nervous system 
prets them that determines whether 
y are painful or not. That's the com 
alled sufferin, 
in is an energy monster; we give it 
the power to hurt us. And wc can ti 
that power away—depending on how we 


choose to view ourselves. All pain із real, 
but you can change your reality. 

“Yogis сап walk on hor coals." says 
Bresler. "Hypnosis can be used as an 
anesthetic in surgery 

Norman Cousins can laugh himself 

“Almost always,” says Bresler, "people 


who have chronic pain are also depressed. 
It's not just their lower back that hunts: 
their life hurts, and they have placed 
that hurt in their lower back. 

То get rid of pain, all you have to do 
is change your mind. As à way of regai 
ing health, changing your mind (which, 
of course, includes changing your b 
havior) works most dramatically with 
terminal-cancer_ patients. Strong hints 


that cancer was associated with particu- 
lar personality traits were dropped 
throughout the Fifties and Sixties. 5егі- 
ous studies by various researchers wer 
published in 1952, 1954, 1956, 1957, 
1958, 1961 and 1967. Those studies, like 
the trail of bread crumbs left by Hänsel 
and Gretel, all led out of the woods into 
the same clearing. The cancer-prone 
personality tends to have had an unhap- 
py childhood that included cither loss 
(through death or divorce) or estrange- 
ment (because parents were always fight- 
ng or any number of other reasons) of a 
rent or parents; as a result, the cancer- 
y develops into a lonely, 
ss and sel-hating adult, 
who. to achieve the love he or she missed 
s a child, strives too hard to please 
others. Typically, the cancer-prone ре 
sonality, upon getting some positive 
feedback from the world through. suc 
cess in a job or love from a mate or 
child, say—tends to make the source of 
t feedback allimportant. So if the 
circuit is broken (by a job loss, retire- 
nt, death of or rejection by the loved 
nc), the сапсст-ргопс personality re 
pscs into the lonely, anxious, hopeless, 
scli-hating child he or she had been. And 
the despair and bitterness—locked up 
ide, unexpresed, transformed 
cancer—bcgins to cat away at the patien 
Despite the similarity of results 
hose Fifties and Sixties studies, no sig- 
nificant program of ucaunent based vi 
such findings w tiated until 1974, 
when О. Carl Simonton and Stephanie 
Matthews- Simonton of the Cancer Coun- 
ng and Research Center of Fort 
Worth, Texas, started using therapy 
cd to treat not just the discase but 
the whole person. 

s а new oncologist in u 


into 


ining, 1 


observed that 1 could give two patients 
with the same d 
grounds the same tr 
widely divergent results, 
nonton, "And I wa 
than curiow! 

Sitting in hi: 
building that looks 
out ol Lego bricks, 
ward conspi 

ауз, "in the posit ng respo 
ble for telling people how they would 
respond to п nd 1 knew that I 
couldn't predict. So I started to ask them 
why they thought they responded as the 
did. What 1 he: hem had to do 
with attitude, 


I was kungry to know 
office in an eightstor 


were made 
for- 


as if 


r made 


lot of folksy s 


togeth 
Folksy sense? Asking the p: 


thought and t 
‘This was unconventional treatment, 
deed—except it seemed to be useful 
le to piece together what I 
қ wd develop 
could help patients help 
the improve their chances of get- 
ting well. Overcoming medically in 


in- 


able cancer is a very | 
the impossibl 
obvious 


g task. It's doing 


statement—though he 
it les than obvious way. 
What was not just re- 
versing the course of a terminal disca 
g the attitudes that may 
have generated the disease. 

“You run up against the patients’ be- 
lief in their own limitations,” says Simon- 
ton, 7 уз they put themselves 
down. АП those things have to be dealt 
with if the patients аге going to con- 
sciously p: 
health." 

More odd talk. The patient helping to 
cure him- or hersell, not merely going to 
a doctor to buy health the way we've 
gotten used to dealing with doctors— 
they give us health. But for the patient 
to consciously participate .. .? 

“I don't know if it's possible to sys- 
ly и 
sciously participate іп regaining thei 
health,” Simonton says. "I do know th; 
some pcople with medically incurable 
cancer we work with do get better.” 


ch patients how to con- 


Although there's no hard some 
revealing estimates сап be made. In gen- 
eral, fewer than five percent of cancer 

ws get dramatically better. Simon- 


pa 
POI ичиш 
twice as good with the 210 cancer pa- 
tients they have reared. Not a bad rec- 
ord. “Their cancers went away quickly 
he says. The patients regained healt 
and returned to 
en those who 


mi he 


al cancer patient. " 
median surviv of the ра 

whom we have worked with should have 
been—according t0 the n 
age—I2 month: 
the board. including 
the median survival 


II Kinds of cancer, 
me of our patients 
two ye 


breast cancer, 

months. ours is 36 months.” 
Again, now 
“Usually 


24 months; for 
bad record 

he says. “our patients аге 
only ill a relatively short time. before 
they die. Someone might have had cn- 
cer for 36 months but will be severely ill 


for only about one month. requiring 
relatively little hospi ion and pain 
medication. We also try to improve the 


That is. how comfort- 
s. how conscious he 
or she is at the end, how much he or 
she communicates to the family and 
in what sorts of messages and how the 
family is left. In short, we look at the 
sorts of feelings that surround the pa- 
tients death. All this is pretty intangible 
nd there аге almost no studies of other 
patients for us to use for comparisons.” 
Simonton’s best estimate is that na- 
ionally. only about 15 percent of 


quality of death. 
ably the patient d 


ncer 


Something so specíal 
is meant to be shared. 


к Holland's Heineken, America's number one imported beer. 
Mis 217 


PLAYBOY 


218 


deaths are what he would са 
quality.” But that's as much an 
guess as itis 


now with those he works with today. 
n the past" he says, "less than 

percent of the deaths we saw were good 

quality. Now we have about 50 percent.” 

The interest in good-quality deaths 

not as grim a business i 

After all, if you're 

ay or апо 


опе w 


опс. 
ved such r 
mar He started with the 
profile of the cancer-prone personality— 
which was pretty much the same as t 
developed in Ше carlier studies, although 
in conversation he emphasized as im- 
portant factors the inability to express 
emotion (a trait, he quickly added, that 
is not ed to the cancer-prone: 
number of other diseases are associated 
with impaired emotional outlets" he 
said) and the inability to grieve. He also 
discussed ihe king « 
cancer as physical metaphor. something 
1 Sontag's book on 
ed. ample, 
se babies tend to be less 


usefulness of t 


other studies and Su 


the subject have impl 


women who nu 


ast cancer than women. 


susceptible to br 
"t. Simonton 


with confusion the sex 

cancer taking up residence in ai 
the body associated with sexual 
According to Simonton. 
World Health. Organiza 
gested 
breast cancer occur 
experiencing changing sex roles." There 
also evidence in men that confusion ove 
sex roles can be manifest by cancer of the 
prostate—a connection that has its own 


over 


identity. 
tudies by the 
эп have sug 
that changes in incidences ot 
in cultures that are 


Confused by the 
ion of gender, men and 
i lition of 
killing the bearer of bad news—seem to 
be destroying those parts of their bod 
that define them as male and female. 

"Lung cancer"—which is also increas- 
ing—"seems to be associated wit! 
emotional repression," says Simonton. 
Not being able to breathe because of all 
those suffocating bottled- 
Sometimes this mei 
of the disease is, Simonton says, "um- 
canny. Very clear." 

In areal way, disease is a la 
body 
this is true not just for cancer. 
after I started researching thi 


tense 


which involved more work th; 
ever done before for a 

developed excruciating stomach рай 
No matter how lithe I ate, I 
bloated. Т was n ied 24 hours 


A few days before ending the re 
happened to be describing my physic 
symptoms to one of the doctors Т was 
atcrviewing and, apparently coinciden- 
ioned how much trouble I 
g digesting all the material I 
had been кап 

He smiled. 

Oh, yes: digesting the material. 

My body was telling me in а very 
graph —virtually using a physical 


of traditional medical therapy 
moving away from medical wea 
сап be devastating, суеп though medic: 
treaiment may have little to offer.” Their 
work is an adjunct to a traditional medi- 
pproach. They take in only patients 
re open to their merhod and moti- 
vated to try it. Just as there is a cance 
prone personality, there apparently is 
t seems to be able to 


“OK, now, all together, ‘Eeyi, eeyi, oh 


p 


throw off cancer: someone with high ego 
strength and high self-esteem, flexibility 
of thought, the ability to tolerate stress 
and what Simonton calls social autono- 
my (1 althy enjoyment of 
people coupled with a capacity to be 
comfortably alone). 
Critics accuse Simonton of getting 
ood results because he tries to select 
only those types of patients, but that very 
s that there а i 
personality types 
ic 


ion 


5 
bel 
that seem to be associated with drama 


ioral tra 


ts ol 


tients сап be taught such beh; 
method is limited to converting 
converted, healing those who might h 
led themselves. 

jeve these things can be learned 
he says, "because 1 sec people who 
tially have relatively few resources for 
c improving physi- 
psychological profile 


the 
ve 


with the di 
thei: 


changes." 
The work of others 


n the field sug- 


gests. Simonton is right. People can 
transform themselves or be transformed 
by disease. The threat of һ сап 


shock them into making changes they 
otherwise might never have risked. Pelle- 
tier became interested in seven miracle 
cancer-cure cases that occurred in the 
San Fı i са and tried to find out 
if the people involved shared any life 
style traits. They did. 

"Some emphasized one trait over an- 
other." he says. "but, for the most part, 
all the waits were present in all of them. 
One, they all changed their diet: а re- 
duction of red meat. more vegetables. 
Many of them did this without fore- 
thought. They simply were responding 
what their 


bodies were demandi 


al ge in some form 
ol physical activity—not necessarily 
somet 


g strenuous like jogging: even 
walking a good distance every 

Всей. Three. all began a kind of medita- 
tion or deep relaxation: prayer or just 
utes a day- 
gious. Very rarely 
they had different 
all believed that. there 


suf- 


sitting quietly for 15 n 
all 
in an orthodox sense 
neraphors. But 
was something h 
than they that helped them. Five, all 
tended to their personal and 
business lives, so that what they did met 
more of their personal needs. They be- 
gan to look at what gave them pleasure. 
This was a very big change. Sis, all be- 
came more community oriented, more 
involved with friends and associates i 
kind of selfless outreach. 

АП those traits, like the waits Simon- 
ton describes, share what Wallace Eller- 
brock, a psychiatrist. at Metrope 
State Hospital іп Norwalk, California, 
calls “positive affect.” 

“Depression is behind all physical and 


became r 


revise 


a 


mental disease,” he says. Ellerbrock is a 
former surgeon who quit his practice and 
started studying psychiatry when һе 
decided it was more important to change 
how people thought about the world 
than to cut them up after they got in 
trouble for thinking about the world in 
appropriate ways. “If you get sick,” he 
says, "it's because you've been thinking 
screwy." 
ases, Ellerbroek believes, are be- 
haviors: not things that happen to you 
but things you do. One doesm't have 
neer, one is cancering. Diseases аге 
misinterpretations of and struggles 
gainst the real world. 

“When your fantasy of how things 
ought to be doesn’t match your fantasy 
of how things аге,” Ellerbroek says, "you 
get into trouble. H you feel you сап do 
something about it, you get angry: if you 
feel you can't do anything about it, you 
get depressed. Both states are responsible 
for diseases." 

What actually happens to us is less 
portant than how we interpret what 
happens to us, he explains; and it is the 
ntcrpretation of rcality—not reality it 
self (whatever that із) а kills or 
cures us. 

“The hardest part for people to be- 
he says, "is that when you think 
a stupid thought that leads you to itch 
or have abnormal gastric acidity or 
something like that, the thought is 
translated into cvery cell in your body." 

What you think is truc becomes true. 
“Its been pretty well shown that asthma 
in kids is due to the so-called overpr 
tective mother. There's only one thing 


wrong with that. You can have a mother 
who's a dope addict. an alcoholic, who 
hasn't been home for six months: and 
here's her kid with asthma. The сєтїї 


thing is subjective perception. The kid 
sees his mother as overprotective, even 
though she's a neglectful bitch." 

On the other hand. according to Eller- 
broek, useful thinking—"thinking aimed 
in the direction of reality, nonneurotic 
thinking. whatever you want to call 
can effect positive changes in the body, 
He cites the case of one woman who had 
been hollowed out by cancer—her pelvis 
bladder and rectum had been removed— 
until she seemed to be nothing more 
than a bag of flesh draped over а skele- 
ton that offered shelter not for internal 
organs but for spreading tumors. She 
asked to be allowed to die on the shore 
of a local lake. In those peaceful sur 
roundings, something happened; she jet 
tisoned her anger and depression, her 
spirit, like a balloon freed of useless 
weight, soared tumors started 
to shrink. She was cured. 

"Remember, these are cancer 
cles," says Ellerbroek. "And you can't 
make a cancer miracle just because 
you've got cancer. You've got to be 
dying, far advanced, untreatable." 


nd her 


mira- 


And you must want to live more than 
you want the cancer. 

But doesn't everyone want to live? 
Who would want cancer? Apparently, 
some people do want their diseases more 
than health. “I believe we develop our 
diseases for honorable ri "9а 
imonton. “It's our bodies’ way of telling 
s that our nceds—not just our bodies" 
needs but our necds—aren’t being met. 
And the needs that are fulfilled through 
our illnesses are important needs. 

To be noticed. To be cared for. To be 
loved. More common sense that science 
is just catching up to. 

A woman who gets breast cancer may. 
for the first time in her life, get attention 
from her husband. affection from her 
children, even help around the house. 
She may be given—or, more significantly. 
give herself—the freedom to express her 
feelings fully. This does not mean that 
she is responsible for her illness in а 
guilty way—and it is crucial for patients 
to understand that this new approach to 


medicine is not a court before which 
not 


they will be condemned. She di 
make herself sick. But her sickness is 
expression of something more than the 
activity of a virus, and the problem she 
faces is to find a less physically compro- 
g way to express her blocked needs 
or, better yet. to change the situation in 
which those needs became blocked in the 
first place. 

10 do this wife ask 
the patient to list five changes that have 
taken place in his or her life in the past 
six to 18 months. Some changes are 
typically more charged with stress than 
others, According to one scale used by 
the Simontons—as well as other practi 
tioners of the new medicine—death of a 
spouse rates the highest: 100, From there, 
the scale (the Social Readjustment Rat 
ig Scale, which was published іп 1967 
by Dr. Thon H. Holmes and his co- 


workers at the University of Washington 
ne) descends from the 


School of Me 
giddy heights of anxiety—divorce, 73: 
separation. 65: jail term, 63-0 the 
vely level swamps of apprehensive- 
ness: change in cating habi 
tion, 13: Christmas. 19: mii 
of the law, 11. One or all of those stress 
1 events may have been the trigger— 
like the A-bomb that sets off 
bomb—of the cancer. 


‘The Simontons" ients take an ex- 


tensive battery of—and no doubt | 
g fro 
then over a period of te 
their carly Ше experiences and 
decisions: the present. family structure, 
its dynamics and lines of commu 
tion; the posible triggers of the cance 
the secondary gains provided by the ill- 
ness; the seconda i 
therapy (ж 
the medication you're taking, it’s a wor 


—other psycholog 


lives: 


derful reminder to your family that you 
е sick and they should pay attention to 
you); and death. During this time, the 
ient also is taught how to put him- or 
herself into a meditative state and to 
imagine the body's own healing system 
fighting the cancer. A patient can pic- 
ture anything from white kı 
dragons to pleasant mu 
cacophony. 

The bizarre thing is that the immune 
system seems to respond. 

. 

“Clinicians have observed for years 
that at times of stress, there may be 
changes in the immune response." says 
one of the country's leading immunolo- 
pists. Dr. Marvin Stein of Mt. Sinai 
al in New York. “If you talk to 
ns. foi nple. you 
about kids who under stress develop 
herpes, fever blisters. Now, herpes viruses 
are floating around the body all the time. 
happens when you develop а fever 
er is that the immune system has 
changed as a result of psychosocial stress. 
We know this. We've learned in the lab- 
огу that we сап modify the immune 
response by subjecting | experimental 
animals to stress," 
pping elect 
the tails of mice 
very tense mice. 

“The old notion that, for example, 


shocks up through 
s guaranteed to produce 


uses cause illnesses по 
longer holds water,” says Stein, “The 
host plays just as important a role. 


But how? It's not enough to know th 
certain personalities (Type A's), certain 
temperaments (Gammas) and people in 
general under certain conditions (for 
example. death of a spouse) аге more 
prone to stress, and therefore disease, 
than others. Nor is it enough to know 
that diseases get handholds, or foot- 
holds, or pscudopodholds, or whatever. 
in a stressed. individual as a result of 
a suppressed immune system. The big 
question, the mystery at thc root of the 
other mysteries, is how? 

This is the mystery science in the past 
few years has begun to penetrate —but 
it is like entering a fun house 
amusement park. "It all interacts in s 
mple and complex ways that it leaves 
us ballled." says Dr. Ke Greenspan 
of Columbia Un y's College of Phy- 
sicians and Surgeons. Like Pelletier. he is 
narkable in the field for his depth of 
knowledge. breadth of а com- 
mon sense. "We don't have a really tight 
scientific system to explain the things 
aning to sce. 
ng is in flux. And there scem 
nber of ways of approaching 


to be 
the pr 
principal mechanism 
states 

tured as an o 
rev 


to physical responses can be pic 
nizational flow chart, 


als the bureaucracy of the 


which 


219 


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After shave, after shower, 

220 after anything. 


body. Psychosocial stress leads to depres- 
sion, anger and despair. Those feelings 
affect the activity of the limbic system 
(which seems to be associated with our 
experience of emotion). The limbic sys 
tem affects the activity of the hypotha 
mus (which regulates the autonomic 
responses such as body temperature and 
blood pressure). And the hypothalamus 
affects the immune system dircetly—and 
indirectly, by influencing the pituitary 
gland, which regulates the endocrine 
system, which in turn controls the bal- 
ance of hormones in the body, which in 
their turn also affect the immune systen 
In other words, there are at least two 
routes to the immune system. one a su 
perhighway, the other a scenic bypass 
The mechanism seems efficient enough, 
but not particul Why 
did the hand of God or the blind power 
of evolution so maladapt us to the world? 
But we are not maladapted to the world 
into which mankind first emerged, 


whether it w: en or some more 
Paleolithic paradise. The highways and 
byways leading to the immune system 


are simply old footpaths of instinct. 
“Anthropologists say nothing has 
changed in our gene pool for the past 
10.000 to 50,000 years or so," says Dr. 
Elmer Green, organizer and director of 
the Voluntary Controls Program at "The 
Menninger Foundation in Tope 
sas. “We still have our caveman bodies. 
We still respond in our caveman ways. 

“If you're a cave man," he says, “and, 
while you're sleeping, a bear comes ир, 
you don't want to have to say to your- 
self, ‘Blood-flow increase. Prepare for an 
emergency.” You want it to happen auto- 
You don't want to have to 
controlling how much you 
ng so your palm will be sweaty 
enough for your dub to stick to it but 
at it will slide away. You 
to happen automatically. 
Thinking about these changes would be 
too long a process. By the time you got 
your blood pressure up consciously, the 
bear would be on top of you. 

This system worked wonderfully for 
our cave ancestors, but ween 
says: “We don't sleep in caves, and the 
s we fight are on Wall Strect 
But, even though they are symbols, im 


ow 


only be: 


aginary bears, the blood pressure still 
rises and the adrenaline still flows.” 

A response that was designed to ope 
ds of time, a matter of 
minutes, today operates too often 24 
hours а day. Politically, we see bears in 
our enemies" camps. Professionally, we 
find bears snarling in the knecholes of 
our desks. Our newspapers are full of 
reports of bears. Our streets are jammed 
with maniac bears driving back from 
their jobs. When we at last reach home, 
our spouses tell us dreadful tales of bears 
and we eat dinner with bears prowling 
around the dining-room table. Even а 


ate for short pei 


night, when we ought to crank up some 
positive stress by making love, we have 
to put up with a bear at the foot of the 
bed, snarling rude remarks about our 
performance. 

Our body can't take such stress. Our 
system overloads and burns out. Our 
immune response falters. We get sick. 
How can we exile—or at least tame- 
the bears? 


. 

When ancient alchemists tried to 
change lead into gold. they really were 
trying to transform their own souls. The 
leadintogold experiments. they fussed 
with were externalizations of an internal 
process. They believed that if they could 
change a base metal into a noble metal, 
they, at the same time, through sympa- 
thetic magic, would be changing their 
hase spirits into more noble ones. 

Like ancient alchemists. the advocates 
of the new medicine manipulate what 
is accessible in order to transform what is 
inaccessible; manipulate attitude. be- 
havior and consciousness in order to 
change internal physical states. They are 
trying to tame the bears at long distance. 
sed are tradition- 
al: prayer, meditation, yoga postures. 
Others are newer: hypnotism; the Jacob- 
son relaxation method (a progresive 
relaxation technique that involves wm- 
tensing muscles one by onc); using men- 
tal images; biofcedback; autogenic 
training (which fecdback without а 
machine). . . . There arc dozens of meth- 
ods, many differing only slightly from 
the others; the focusing techniques of 
Dr. Eugene Gendlin of the University of 
Chicago; the Quicting Response of Dr. 
Charles Stroebel of the Hartford, Con- 
necticut, Institute of Living: the tech- 
niques used to induce the Relaxation 
Response of Dr. Herb Benson of Har- 
vard. АП worl 

In working, all raise а final question, 


опе more mystery behind the other 
mysteries. Do these re 
work by vi 


ation techniques 
tue of omission or commi: 

sion? Do they work because they reduce 
stress or are they active forces that pro- 
mote health? TI 
bec 


question is tricky, 


use it sce 


s to be asking. for cx 


ple, if the inside of a bowl is concave 
because the outside is convex. I's possi- 
ble the answer lies only in the potter's 
hands. 


But there are some hints that a joyful, 
hopeful, positive attitude promotes heal- 
ing, not just because it relieves stress but 
because it also activates some dynamic 
healing processes within the body. Proc 
esses, not proces, There may be more 
than one. Benson at Harvard believes 
that the Relaxation Response is not 
just the absence of stress but a distinctive 
healing physiological state. Schwartz at 
Yale believes that there is yet another 
distinctive physiological state associated 
with not relaxation but joy: he calls it 


the psychobiology of happiness. Green 
at The Menninger Foundation believes 
that by entering profoundly relaxed 
rdinary con- 
body—from preventing 
fection to even making scars vanish, 
ultimately to be replaced by smooth skin. 
Dr. Robert O. Becker at the State Uni- 
versity of New York Upstate Medical 
Center Veterans’ Hospital іп Syracuse 
has experimental evidence that electrical 
currents can cause rats’ amputated limbs 
to partially regenerate—although theo- 
ret Пу they could completely grow 
back. The implications are staggering. If 
we could learn through biofeedback tech- 
niques to produce those electrical cur- 
rents within ourselyes from the electrical 
impulses along our nervous system, then. 
for insta we would not need heart 
transplants. We could simply grow the 
needed new tissue in our own he 

These are the outer limits of cu 
research, and somewhat un- 
canny precincts of science: and yet. by 
g our map—stress—depression-limbic 
hypothalamus, etc—we can find 
ay home. But there is one unchart- 
ed area that has been 
lvocates of the new m 
pears on по map. Not yet. To reach it, 
we must make a leap beyond our own 
skin. There is some evidence that healing 
be effected at a distance, that I сап 
heal you and you can heal me. In cli 
matic ns, it is called the laying on 
of hands. 

Dr. Robert L. Swearingen, director of 
the Colorado Health Institute, has evi- 
dence that when he uses what he calls 
a loving approach—which involves re- 
laxing and touching—his patients need 
half the average amount of painkiller 
and may exhibit an increased rate of 
healing. And Dr. Dolores Kriger of New 
York University has evidence that when 
she uses what she calls Therapeutic 
Touch—a technique that is similar t0 
Swearingen's and that is today taught in 
33 universities in the U. 5 
her patients experience significant 
in hemoglobin levels. "We know that 
there is electrical conductivity through 
the nervous system.” Krieger says. “And 
we know that there has to be a field to 
y that conductivity.” 

She suspects that the healing process 
h the interaction of the 
therapist's electrical field. Patients don't 
even have to know that their practition- 
peutic Touch—and, if 
they don't know, its results cannot be 


states, one can have extr 
wol over the 


ШЕТТЕ 


са 


works throu 


er is using The 


due to any placebo effect. Perhaps we all 
do wander around with ad by 
treating our auras, we can treat our 


disorders. 

“L think that health is not an end 
product but a by-product,” says Sw 
ingen. “1 think that if somebody con- 
sciously evolves—if a person becomes 


aware of the factors that are important 
to him as he goes on his journey that is 
Ше, however you want to say it, and if he 
pays attention to those factors—then 
health is just a by-product.” 

ow we have truly strayed from the 
hospital and gotten lost іп the forest 
beyond the grounds. But that is to be 
expected if you go searching for the 
answers to mysteries. You can't. pioneer 
using an old map. When the old map 
no longer reflects reality, you must ex- 
plore new terrain, taking notes as you go 
along. None of the advocates of the new 
medicine—and they range from the cau- 
tious like Stein to the metaphysical like 
ngen—wants to overthrow modern 
Western medicine, but all want to in 
clude within the practice of that medi 
cine new theories and techniques. 
Whether or not they will be successful is 
moot. The forces of tradition and self- 
terest are arrayed against them. Even 
in a fairly obvious arca like delivery of 
health care, the odds against the new 
medicine are formidable. After all. if 
stress does contribute to disease, Norman 
s is right to say that hospitals are 
the last places in which to be sick, since 
they are stressful environments. And to 
take on the hospitals is to take on a 
multibillion-dollara-year industry —even 
ithout tackling the insurance сот 
ies that often. pay benefits only if the 
patient is hospitalized. 

Still, there are hopeful signs. The Gov- 
ernment seems increasingly interested in 
the new medicine: in fact, the Surgeon 
"s 1979 report was virtually 
mandate to develop the kind of alterna 
tive and preventive techniques that most 
of the doctors involved in the new medi- 
- The high cost and often 

ne 
atients 


Cousi 


cine advoc: 
ineffectiveness of traditional medi 
have turned morc and more | 
away from orthodox doctors and the 
pic. And more and more doctors 
letting themselves be seduced by the raw 
excitement of the new field. 

“What's thrilling,” says Greenspan, “is 
that everything seems to be coming to- 
gether. Medicine seems to be geuing 
doser to modern physis. In disease, 
there's a breakdown of organization. 
Discase is entropic. In health, there is a 
new level of complexity. Health is anti- 
entropic.” 

Disease, then, is a process of running 
down and coming apart; health is a 
process of energizing and coming to- 
gether. When your body, mind and s 
are not in harmony, you һссоте sick: 
when they arc in harmony, you аге well. 

"The bottom line." says Pelletier, "is 
that you аге healthy when you are most 
yourself. There is no prescription. for 
health other than that: Do anything that. 
gives you a sense of enthusiasm and 
joy—and be yoursel 


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221 


PLAYBOY 


222 


YEAR IN MUSIC usos 


“The goose that had produced gold and platinum nest 


eggs so steadil 


had suddenly disappeared." 


by prying several huge advances 
showed а 47 percent drop in income, 
despie an 11 percent gain in revenues. 
Warners was down six percent. RGA re 
ported substantial losses; MCA, another 
heavyweight with oversized muscles, lost 
1 the first six months of the 


ng weeks 
ань. 


stores with plastic in the ch 
of 1978—plastic that. soo 


bl back to them in the odious form 
of “returns.” In the first months of 1979, 
sales continued to be negligible. with in- 


dustry people blaming a host of Lillip: 
tiam tormentors such as bad weather 
the gas shortage and а ten-day truckers 
strike. Retailers complained about. the 
fuful How of records Irom the major 
companies and the absence of what the 
trade calls superstar product. 

In the meantime, expenses were 
as OPEC jacked up the price of oil, 
forcing hikes їп the cost of polyvinyl 
chloride and polystyrene—the raw ma- 
terials for LPs and 45s, respectively. А 
paper shortage made it 


to get record covers printed, Small co: 
panies found it harder to get bank loas 
and harder yet to pay them back. The 
high cost of fucl, and its relative scarcity. 
made life hellish for groups on the 
road. Studios and pressing plants jacked 
up u tes. Most critically, people 
were not going to concerts or buying 
records in any significant numbers, 
the companies were starting to wonder 
if the € nd Saturday 
n the bu 


сазе 
lbums hadn't be 
lents of comeis tha 


ness equiva- 
flash by once in а 


generation. When the figures for the first 
quarter of the financial year were t 
lied, all the biggies were hurting. CBS 


which in the opinion of some industry 
people had needlessly burdened. itself 


“How can you be so aggressive just on Perrier?” 


уела «Шеген story fr 
iis pott over the period. was 
17,00, ‘The s Pickwick's 
Chuck Smith said, was allied with 
general mood of gloom.” E 

Rated one another in the pa 
Avista’ Clive Davis bravely 
that the slump һай been 


ves de- 


cused by the incompetence of his œl- 
ig records that hadn't 


records that hadu't 
s huge sums in 
s—rather 
than the fickleness of the public or any 
dearth of creativity. The distemper of 
the times was divonicled by the mount- 
ing lawsuits, not only between artists 
and record companies but ako among 
record. companies, retailers, concert. pro- 
mote > stations and lic 
ganizitions. It seemed as if the goose 
that had produced gold and platinum 
nest eggs so steadily over a 13-year peri- 
od had suddenly disappeared aud 
the other denizens of the bar 
goose feathers protruding 
teeth, were stand 
one another af f 
sight for antiestablishment cynics. 

But the goose hadn't died. any more 
i the duck їп Peter and the Wolf: 
if you listened closely, you could sill 
hear it honking somewhere, For the rec 
ord companies were struggling to тісім 
themselves. Hug лу took. place in 
the silent sca of corporate invisibility 
as МСА bought out ABC, КСА took 
over АХМУ d i Arista was sold 
to Germany's A xlisc and Unit 
ed Artists to England's ЕМІ. Phone 
lvdor combined sales force. As 
the companies whittled away at budgets 
ıd payrolls, the familiar scll-coueratu- 
latory ads stopped the pages of 
the wide papers—or the billboards over 


g around accusing 


Hollywood's Sunset Strip. Promo rec- 
ords, not ло mention. the litional 
balloons and T-shirts, 


Heads rolled at CBS, 
RGA, MCA, Casablanca, Motown, Elck- 
tra Asylum. and ABC: suddenly, there 
were nu jı 600 bright young rec 
ordcompany people heating the side- 
walks in search of jobs. The howls and 
ns of the wounded found a forum 
ople, which glectully detailed the 
tribulations of the rock group America, 
lorced to relinquish its private jet: of 
Journey, forced to drink Bud instead of 
Heineken; of Rod Ster 1, whose record. 
company refused to promo a concert 
four with the usual 510,000. party: of 
Maria Muldaur, who was taken oll the 
road by her coi 

Poor babies. 


ihe hard way, what they should have 
known all along—that "artists" are not 
the guiding lights of the music industry 
but, rather, its chattel, MCA's Al Ber- 
gamo complained in August that “Thi 
animals are in charge of the тоо; жез 
got to get them back in their cages." 
By the fall of the year, CBS Records 
Division president Bruce Lundvall could 
announce to a convention of radio pro- 
gramers that the record business was 
“оп the road to recovery"—and, at the 
same time, joke that an accountant's eye- 
shade would make an appropriate new 
logo for his company (some of his for- 
mer employees and recording artists 
might have suggested a өсуіне). Record 
sales were up again, as long-del 
albums by Dylan, Fleetwood Mac, Cheap 
Trick, Led Zeppelin. Bor Scaggs. Bruce 
Springsteen, the Eagles and Pink Floyd 
finally made their appearance. Mean- 
while, a score of new acts had 
climbed aboard the charts, a situation 
that boded well for the industry, espe- 
ially since many of the acts were New 
Wave rocksters whose records had been 
produced on comparative shoestrings: 
The Knack, for example. cut its LP at a 
minuscule 518,000, but it went gold in 13 
days. And not only was the New Wave 
Hy making a dent in the m 
place—áfter several years of t 
about it—but special-interest varieties of 
music. such as classical. jazz. blues, Gos 
pel and the purer strains of country-and. 
western, had also prospered during the 
"slump"; many of the same companies 
that had just cut back on their oper: 

tions were launching new labels in an 
attempt to diversify their income by 
exploiting those hitherto neglected fields 
Execs were now referring to the setbacks 
of early 1979 as "a necessary shaking 
out" and predicting that the industry 
would be stronger as a result. The con- 
sensus was that they were entering à 
period of relatively modest but firmly 
based growth. And why not? The merg- 
ers had made the monoliths more mono- 
lithic, the slump in mainstream pop/ 
rock had helped them realize there 
were bucks to be made elsewhere and 
their new emphasis on controlling their 
expenditures made them, at least theoret- 
ically, more capable than ever of imple 
menting their corporational dreams of 
maximum profit and constant growth. 
In the world of show business, where 
everything is done with m 
a а recession that was something of 


an illusion itself to cure everyone of the 
old illusion that he didn't have to care 
about the price of gasoline. 

Jet fuel, however, didn’t seem to be 
as much of a problem. Not only was 
the industry dominated by mult 
al companies such as CBS, Polygram, 
WEA, RCA and EMI, and fighti 
ternational problems such as piracy, 
bootlegging, counterfeiting and home 


ation- 


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taping—have you noticed the price of 
blank tape going up yet?—but the art 
ists themselves Кері criscrossing the 
globe, as Sweden's Abba toured America 
and B. B. King, followed by Elton John. 
toured Russia. The Boston Symphony 
Orchestra toured Communist China— 
busy expanding its own recording fac 
lie—and then, upon its rei 
Boston, cut an album with two Chii 
soloists. Frank Zappa went 10 Vie 
not for psychoanalysis but to have s 
eral orchestral works premiered by the 
Vienna Symphony. Pink Lady, with Kiss 
in the Dark, became the first Japanese 
act to hit the U.S. charts since 1963 (re 
member Kyu Sakamoto and Sukiyaki?), 
while Rita Coolidge went to Tokyo to 
cop first prize in Japan's international 
singing contest. Billy Joel, Kris and 
Rita, Weather Кероп and other CBS 
superstars spent three days in Cuba for 
the company's Havana Jam, otherwise 
known as the “Bay of Gigs"; the Cuban 
group Irakere, now a CBS act, waveled 
north to wow critics in the States, 

America was also laid waste by a new 
generation of British rock acts, includ- 
ing Joe Jackson and The Clash and 
The Police. A sign of the times—and 
proof that the international teenage 
conspiracy still packed enough revolu- 
tionary punch to turn an occasional 
duck-tailed country squire into a 
lionaire—was the success of Virgin 
magazine whose owners started sel 
records by mail order. Th 
chain of retail stores, their own 600-seat 
theater in London and their own Virgin 
island, on which they were last seen 
building a studio. 

In circling the globe, of course, one 
always takes the chance of running into 
cranky religious leaders such as Iran's 
Ayatollah Ruhollah Khome 
banned music altogether, cl 
stupefies people listening to it and 
makes their brains inactive and frivo 
Pope John Paul IT didn't seem to 
¢ the. Ayatollah's viewpoint; in fact, 
he became a recording маг, as Infinity 
Records pressed 1,000,000 copies of Pope 
John Paul 1I Sings ab the Festival of 
Sacrosong, an album recorded the pre 
vious June in Kraków, ) 1 
ligious music was in what they call a 
growth mode all over America, with 
record sales, air play and concerts up— 
this, while the secular labels were losing 
money. Billboard speculated on the psy. 
chology of people turning to rel 
nes get bad but admitted. that 
Gospel music was also getting the benefit 
d produc 


ng 
now own a 


not to mention frie 
. Pat Boone, for instance, owns 
Lamb and Lion Records, which released 
Dan AU Things Are Possibli 

first 8 
label ever to hit Billboard's рор chart. 
MCA launched a religious label, with 


nds in high 


California's Lieutenant Governor Mike 
Curb at its helm. proving that under the 
right circumstances, music, politics, re 
ligion and business can all lie down 
together. Warners also moved into the 
Gospel field, signing the highly regard. 
Andrae Crouch. L.A. got its first 
Gospel-entertainment supper club, The 
Fisherman. Little Richard was spotted 
back on the Gospel wail. preaching 
against rock music, drugs and homosex: 
wality. There were rumors that Bob 
Dylan was going to become a Christian, 
that he had become a Christian—that he 
had, in fact, become one in Pat Boone's 
swimming pool. In. Nashville, construc 
ion began on Gospel Land. USA. 
ad museum that would eventually 

sculptures of 100 “distinguished 
Gospel individuals." Tupelo. Mississip- 
Ivis Presley Memorial Chap- 

d оп the second anniversary 
of the singer's death (the doctrine of 
transubstant 
the 
Always Elvis Fronten 


a 


park 
disp 


el, unv 


a boost 


Чоп also got as 
spirit of. Elvis became the spirits of 
« Blanc d' Oro, a 
rketed by Colonel 


ger. 


four-dollar. wine 
Parker, 
death has Бе 


m 


his m: for whom 
п no impediment to profit). 
The growing involvement of rock 
E ol ag 
ing?—was dr the Bee 
Gees topped an allstar cast including 
Donna Summer, Rita Coolidge, Olivia 
Newton John, John Denver, Abba 
Andy Gibb in a benefit cone 
UNICEF, The United Nations later 
asked the Beatles to do another benefit: 
at presstime, they were still trying to 
talk Lennon into it. Jackson Browne. 
Joan Baez, Cil Scott-Heron and others 
drew 18,000 to the Hollywood Bowl for 
Survival Sunday II, a concert aimed at 
stopping the opening of a 14-billion- 


Tom 


with world rs—a function 


matized when 


t 


dollar nuclear power plant at Califor- 
nia's Diablo Canyon. Opposition to 
nuclear power also motivated the 


300.000 people who flocked to Madison 
Square Gard September to sec 
Browne, Bruce Springsteen, James Tay- 
lor. Carly Simon, Peter Tosh and others 
perform in the biggest benefit since 
George Harrison's concert for Bangla 
desh in 1971. Party polities and rock 
intersected when California governor 
Jerry Brown took Linda Ronstadt on a 
ten-day tour of Africa and when Eagles 
guitarist Joe Walsh ran for President оп 
a platform of free gas for everyone 

The delusions of grandeur and the 
problems of overexpansion that plagued 


the music biz as a whole were concen 


trated in the hermetic world of disco. 


Early in the year, radio stations scram 
bled to adopt disco formats: later on, as 
disco stood accused of “spotty perform: 
ance” in the Arbitron ratings—radio's 
equivalent ol the Nielsens—the stations 
were just as eager to drop it. Meanwhile, 
disco representation on the lists of best 
selling albums had plummeted (16 per 
cent in three months, according to Cash 


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Box). АП the enemies of the genre came 
out of the closet, as record-company 
execs started complaining—in The Wall 
Street Journal, among other places— 
about the expenditures needed to pro- 
duce disco hits by artists who couldn't 
. Promoters complained that disco, a 
producer's medium, simply had no stars 
once you got past Donna Summer, Chic 
and the Village People. The Black Mu- 
sic Association charged that disco, while 
based on the traditional dance beat of 
rhythm-and-blues, had failed to create 
wider opportunities for black artists, 
who were being forced into disco styles 
by the record companies (some of which 
were reportedly considering segregation 
of their disco branches into “black” and 
"white" disco) and were increasingly 
underrepresented on the charts, despite 
the disco-inflected comebacks of a few 
artists such as Gene Chandler, Edwin 
Starr and Peaches & Herb. It was claimed 
that disco was driving other forms of 
black music off the radio and that the 
discos had taken the place of clubs that 
used to present live jazz, blues or soul 
Latin-record producers blamed 
their shrinking sales on the encroach- 
ment of disco. Furthermore, Billboard 
reported that doctors were treating ever- 
increasing numbers of disco patrons for 


hearing loss caused by the highdecibel 
sounds; that plastic surgeons were doing 
ап increasing amount of bridgework on 
the damaged. noses of people who'd been 
and that 
an incrcasing number of podiatrists were 
expressing concern about the long-range 
damage done to the feet of women who 
insisted on boogicing on stiletto heels. 

In June, sociologist Dr. John Parikhal 
told a conference of disco ion man- 
agers that rock is aimed at young men 
who are fearful of sex and that its vio- 
lent rhythms reflect th fru 
disco, wi 


h its smoother rhythms—to 
which women could relate much better, 
Dr. Parikhal asserted—could expect a 


rough backlash from the fans of rock. 
me a month later іп Chicago, the 
macho capital of the Midwest, as local 
rock deejay Steve Dahl drew 70,000 
would-be members of his "disco destruc- 
tion army” to watch him blow up disco 
records in Comiskey Park; the 50,000 
who gained admittance chanted, “Disco 
sucks," set bonfires and otherwise effed 
around until White Sox owner Bill 
Veeck was forced to cancel the second 
game of a double-header. Meanwhile, а 
Chicago rock bar was selling T-shirts 
with the legend DEATH то THE BEE CEFS. 
They'd already gotten the message іп 


“And in this corner...” 


far-off Rhodesia, which banned disco on 
its radio stations. Said Harvey Ward, 
former director general of Rhodesian 
Broadcasting, “It's what the Watusi do 
to whip up a war. What I've seen in the 
discos is just what I've seen in the bush. 
It turns a group into a malleable mob.” 
And there were those who thought 
disco оша self-destruct without help 


petered out in such disparate (and pos- 
sibly desperate) oddities as Bobby Vin- 
ton's disco version of Pennsylvania Poll 
and a record released in Canada by € 
You'll Like the Whip. that featured the 
sounds of cracking leather followed by 
those of orgasm. 

On the other hand, maybe Vinton's 
record signaled that disco had achieved 
stich a level of squareness that its longev 
ity was assured; after all, Ethel Merm: 
Helen Reddy, Andy Williams, Barbra 
Streisand and Count Ba also cut 
disco records in 1979. So did Rod Stew- 
art—and Do Ya Think I'm Sexy? quick- 
ly went platinum. Disco deejays were 
recruited for jobs by record companies 
and radio stations. New York's Cotton 
Club and Stork Club both went disco. 
So did the grand ballroom at Knott's 
Berry Farm in California, Several disco 
musicals hit Broadway or were Broad- 
way bound, including the horrific Phan- 
tom of the Disco. Disco roller rinks 
proliferated all over the States, reviving а 
tradition of skating to music that went 
back to the 1870s. Houston came up with 
the first disco in a record store. There 
were new developments in gadgetry, in- 
duding $ 
shoes with lights that flashed in time to 
а dancer's movements and, іп San Juan 
the first freestanding, completely pre- 
fabricated disco—a fiberglass dome that 
took three years to make. In Europe, Bel- 
gian Railways introduced the first discos 
on rails, for the winter-sports tourists 

Tt would be a mistake, of course, to 
me that all forms of black or black 
d music other than disco we 
suffering. Blues made something of a 
comeback, thanks to the comic antics of 
John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd, the 
promotional zeal of Chicago's Alligator 
Records and the reawakened interest of 
black disc jockeys. A growing young 
audience for jazz—composed largely of 
music students and would-be perform- 
ers—purchased the offerings of a 
e g number of independent record 
labels and supported a growing number 
of festivals, including the two-day 
Playboy Jazz Festival that packed the 
Hollywood Bowl in June (highlights in- 
cluded Joni Mitchell's tribute to the late 

charles Mingus and a ion of former 
еп). Such major companies 
as Motown and MCA started new jazz 
labels and Jazz Alive! continued to be 
the most popular show on National 


Really tying one on. 
Getting 5___ faced. 
Having one more for the road. 
Becoming polluted. 
Drinking someone under the table. 
Being plastered. 


Bragging about the size 
of your hangover. 


Going out and getting looped. 


IF YOUR IDEA OF A GOOD TIME IS LISTED ON THIS PAGE, 
YOU OUGHT TO HAVE YOUR HEAD EXAMINED. 


, With t the персе ЫБ exception of sex, no single Then the next time someone tells you how 
lish tal of prowess eels because he had “опе too many,’ you 


m how great you feel because you had 
"one too fi 
ап be highly Thats having a good time. 


y destructive 
IT'S PEOPLE WHO GIVE DRINKING 
spirits, urge you tous рг E A BAD NAME. 


common sense. If you choose to drink, drink Distilled Spirits Council of the U.S. (DISCUS) 
responsibly. 1300 Pennsylvania Building, Washington, D.C. 20004 


PLAYBOY 


228 a London restaurant. John Denver 


Public Radio, which also 
a new program featuring рї 
McPartland in a series of du 
terviews with fellow pianists. 

There were rumblings of discontent in 
the world of commercial black music, 
however. as the Black Music Association 
nd Atlanta's Reverend Hosea Williams, 
afraid that black concert promoters were 
being driven into extinction, put pres- 
sure on major black acts that were doing 
business exclusively with white promot 
ers. Certainly, there was mucho business 
to be done—Mighty Three Music, the 
publishing arm of Kenny Gamble, Leon 
Huff and Thom Bell, was running 30 
percent ahead of 1978, when it was tops 
in the soul field and number eight over- 
all—and the record companies were 
taking notice, as RSO, МСА, Elektra/ 
Asylum and EMI got funkified, 

Business was consistently bullish in 
Nashville—even when CBS’ over-all rec- 
ords operation was struggling. 
ville division was running 181 percent 
ahead of projections for the year. The 
number of stations playing country 
music, nationally amd internationally, 
inereased 25 percent. The Grand Ole 
Opry broadcast live on public televi 
and the success of country crossover 
artists, rather than having a repressive 
effect, seemed to pave the way 
resurgence of traditi 
represented оп 


introduced 
ап 
ts and іп- 


on 


lor a 


the charts by Hank 


hompson. Hank Snow, Eddy Arnold 
nd Ernest Tubb, among others. Hank 
Williams, Jr, switched record labels, 
started singing about his daddy and be- 
ame something of a legend himself. In 
1979, country even went Hollywood, 
where a spate of big-hudget films were 


ther released or in the works—films 
such as Goal Miner's Daughter, Urban 
‘cowboy. Middle-Aged Crazy. The С 
girl and the Dandy. Red-Headed Stran- 
Take This Job and Shove It tha 
1 country singers. were about coun- 
ту singers or were based on country-and- 
wester he trend went along 
У ongoing glorification of 
rock via such pacans to adolescent 
Americathon, The Warriors and Rock 
‘n’ Roll High School. 

Speaking of The Warriors, 
1 its share of violence and bad karn 


ger, 


the year 


Disco singer Grace Jones was robbed in 
her Manhattan penthouse by a gunman 
who claimed to be a fan. Record pro 
ducer Jack Nische, who had worked 
with Neil Young and The Rollin; 
Stones, was busted for allegedly raping 
actress Carrie Snodgress with a gun bar- 


rel, Punk rocker Elvis Costello distin 
shed himself while touring the U.S 
by giving his St. Louis sponsor an on- 
stage insult and by getting his glasses 
knocked off by Bonnie Bramlet in 
Columbus, Ohio. Lou Reed scullled with 
David Bowie, his soon-to-be producer, in 


neighbors, charging hypocrisy, demon- 
strated а reported. installation 
llon gas tank at his home 
outside Aspen and his declared intention 
to sink three 2000-gallon tanks into the 
ground ar his nearby ranch. The city of 
Burbank banned a series of rock con- 
certs that it feared would draw crowds of 
“homosexuals, antinuclear demonstrators 
and dopers.” Dark clouds continued to 
follow The Rolling Stones, as а 17- 
year-old boy who had been living in 
the South Salem, New York, home of 
Keith Richards and Anita. Pallenberg 
shot himself to death in their bedroom, 
reported victim of Russian roulette. 
And how about The Who? A mob of 
its fans rushed to claim seats at a con- 
cert in Cincinnati іп early December, 
d 11 were trampled to death. 
Death. took no holiday—does it everz— 
as Minnie Riperton died of cancer at 
the age of 31 and Van McCoy of a hea 
attack at 38. Donny Н 
when he fell from a New York hotel- 
room window. Lowell George died of an 
accidental drug overdose at 34, shortly 
after leaving Little Feat 
solo career. Former Wings guitarist ] 
my McCulloch was found dead in his 
London apartment at 26. The cas 
in jazz were a bit older, and distressi 
numerous. Trumpeter Blue 
died of cancer at 49; guita nt 
and bandleader Don Ellis had 
rt attacks at 43 and 11, respec 
Trombonist Frank Rosolino was 
he shot himself to death and 
st Eddie Jefferson was 61 when 


tively. 
52 whei 


shot to death, in Detroit, by parties un 
known. A pair of giants were lost when 
Stan Kenton, 67, stroke 


nd Charles Mingus, at 56, died of a 
attack in Mexico, where he had 
gone to seek treatment for amyotrophic 
lateral sclerosis. Classical music lost a 
popul: Arthur Fiedler, who died 
at 84 selling 50,000,000 records in 
his long career as conductor of the Bos 
ton Pops. and a propagator i 
teacher Nadia Boulanger. who died 
Paris at 99: country (bluegr 
too) lost a pioneer when guitarist Lester 
Flatt died in Nashville at 64 

The survivors continued to live w 
easy r Dy 
sued for cter by 


heart 


musi 


isters. 
defamation of с 


ach of their bi 


ty Valentine, a witness in the Hurr 
cane Carter case. Penny McCall. who 
had been Peter ноп girlfriend 


until they busted up in the summer of 
1978, sued him for hall his assets. Ike 
Turner sued Fantasy Records for hold- 
ing up the rel bums, includ 
ing the last one he'd made with Tin; 
nd Porter Wagoner sued Dolly Parton, 
his former partner, alleging Dreach ol 
contract and asking for 53,000,000. Mid- 
song International Records sued John 
Travolta for 51,000,000, claiming he 
bailed out of some contract options. 


ike Maitland sought $14,000,000 in 
damages from MCA after he had been 
ousted as its president. Todd Rundgren 
ns’ union over 
t he called “restrictive strai gle holds” 
on the rights of visiting mu 
play and broadcast. Rod Stewart had a 
writ issued in London to prevent the 
British branch of Warner Bros. from 
raising the price of ап album. Bruce 
Springsteen and CBS sought $2,000,000 
from an alleged California booulegger- 
Helen Reddy sued to get away from 
Capitol, claiming breach of contratt— 
for which she asked 51,793.000. Donald 
Byrd and the Blackbyrds sued each 
other, with the trumpeter asking 5250.000 
in damages and the group looking for 
53.000.000. Rock singer Tom Petty filed 
bankruptcy papers: so did СТІ Records 
Phonogram sued Arista to stop release of 
material by the Ohio Players. Ted Ni 
gent and Pink Floyd sought $1,000,000 
n punitive damages from а trio of 
chicago. concert promoters who. they 
skimmed off the ticket receipts 

wanted $100,000 in 
ges from 20th Century 
Fox over royalties it claimed were due 
Alan Parsons. Nick Mathe, fired as Rick. 
ie Lee Jones's manager, sued her for 15 
percent of her earnings over a two-year 
period. Arif. Mardin wanted 51,000,000 
in damages from RSO after it used the 
э version of Jive Talkin’, which 
roduced, m Saturday Night Fever. 
The Government filed criminal charges 
gainst four radio stations іп Maine for 
ng copyrighted music without a 
license; ASCAP and BMI both sued 
people for allegedly operating juke- 
boxes without a license. 
“better deal" from the licensi 
panies, sued ASCAP and BMI, claiming 


wh 


said. 
Woolfsongs Led. 
exemplary d 


their policies of blanket licensing 
amounted to price fixing (the Supreme 
Court felt otherwise). and a group of 


Christian stations also sued to get around 
blanket licensing. claiming it forced them 
to support authors of immoral songs. 

A great d оп centered оп 
the Beatles. Apple Corps sued to stop 
further perfor ol Beatlemania, 
the successful. Broadway show, 
stop а proposed Beatles mov 


of lit 


ances 
d to 
and TV 
Apple asked for 560,000.00. in 
total damages. It also sued Capitol and 
EMI for 516,050,000 in d es. claim 
ing the Beatles had been shortchanged 
by those companies. Former Beatles man 


serie: 


ager Allen Klein а million for 
the rights to He's So Fine in hope of 
collecting damages that might result 


from а suit against George Harrison, 
who had been found guilty of plagiari 
ing the song in his 1970 hit My Sweet 
Lord. Meanwhile, Klein was appealing а 
55000 fine and two months in prison for 
filing false income-tax returns in 1970. 
Later in the year, the comebacking Sly 


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230 


Stone was also accused. of. incometax 
evasion. And just to keep rock from get 
ting too respectable, Chuck Berry was 
busted for tax evasion. just after. he 
performed for President. Carter. at the 
White House. Proving that while à new 
decade may have been upon us, it was 
the same old story for prophets who 
insisted on living at home. 

And now, heres how the year looked 
to you. The results of your voting 


RECORDS OF THE YEAR 


m 


BEST RHYTHM-AND-BLUES Briefcase 
Full of Blues / Blues Brothers (Atlantic). Dou- 
Шері п proof that maybe blues 
boys John Belushi amd Dan Aykroyd 
can the whites. Don't forget what 
Jake advised on the album: "Buy all the 
blues records you can! 

BEST POP/ROCK LP: Breakfast in America / 
Supertramp (A & M), This successfully dif 
ferent blend of art 
ohen bound (оре 
that sounds like a 


with this new backstreet- jazz voice, which 
sounds like Tom Waits with a melody 
and vocal cords, 

MEST COUNTRY-AND-WESTERN 
Gambler / Kenny Rogers (Unitzd 
From folkie to first edition to this one 
Kenny Rogers has shown he knows when 
to hold “em and knows when to fold "em. 


LP: The 
Artists), 


BEST RNY THM-AND-BLUES LP 


Т. Briefcase Full of Blues / Blues Brothers 
(Atlantic) 

2. Bad Girls | Donna Summer (Casa- 
blanca) 

3.1 Am | Earth, Wind & Fire (Co- 
lumbia) 

4. Midnight Magic | Commodores (Мо- 
town) 

5. Livin’ Inside Your Love | George 

(Warner Bros.) 

6. Live and More | Donna Summer 
(Casablanca) 

7. We Ave Family | Sister Sledge (Со- 
tillion) 

8. Journey Thiough the Secret Life of 
Plants | Stevie Wonder (Tamla) 

9. Earth, Wind & Fre (Warner Bros.) 

10. Rickie Lee Jones (Warner Bros.) 

I. Off the Wall | Michael Jackson 
(Epic) 

12. 2 Hol (1) j Peaches & Herb (Poly- 
dor) 

13. The Boss | Diana Ross (Motown) 

1. On the Radio (Greatest Hits) | 
Donna Summer (Casablanca) 

15. Babylon by Bus | Bob Marley & the 
Wailers (Island) 

16. Songs in the Key of Life | Stcvic 
Wonder (Тапа) 

17. Take It Home | B. В. King (MCA) 

18. C'est Chic | Chic (Atlantic) 

18. Teddy | Teddy Pendergrass (Phila- 


20. 


. Disco Nights 


deiphia International) 
GQ (Arista) 
Minute by Minute | The 
Brothers (Warner Bros.) 


Doobie 


“Let this be a lesson to you. Crime simply 
does not pay jor women, yet.” 


BEST POP/ROCK LP 


1. Breakfast in America / Supertramp (A & M) 

2. In Through the Ont Door | Led 
Zeppelin (Swan Song) 

3. Minute by Minute | The Doobic 
Brothers (Warner Bros.) 

4. The Long Run les (Asylum) 

5. Rust Never Sleeps | Neil Young & 
Crazy Horse (Reprise) 

6. Tusk | Fleetwood Mac (Warner 
Bros.) 

7. Сапаз-О | The Cars (Elektr 

8. Gel the Knack | The Knack (Capitol) 

9. 52nd Street | Billy Joel (Columbia) 

10. Slow Train Coming | Bob Dylan 
(Columbia) 

11. Bad Girls | Donna Summer (Casa- 
bi 

12. Parallel Lines | Blondie (Chrysalis) 

13. Communiqué | Dire Straits (Warner 
Bros.) 

14. Back to the Egg | Wings (Columb 

15. Darkness он the of Town | 
Bruce Springsteen (Columbia) 

18. Discovery | Electric Light Orchestra 
(J 

17. Volcano | Jimmy Bullet (MCA) 

18. Evolution / Journey (Columbia) 

18. Some Girls | Rolling Stones (Rolling 
Stones Records) 

90. Wet / Barbra Streisand (Columbia) 


BEST JAZZ LF 


1. Rickie Lee Jones (Warner Bros.) 


n 


Ап Evening of Magic (Live at the 
Hollywood Bowl) | Chuck Mangione 
(A&M) 

. Rise | Herb Alpert (А & M) 

. Morning Dance j Spyro Gyra (In- 
finity) 

. Children of Sanchez ck Man- 
gione (A & M) 

. Feels So Good | Chuck Mangione 
(A&M) 

Mingus | Joni Mitchell (Asylum) 
Street Life | Crusaders (MCA) 

. Touchdown | Bob James (Colum. 
bia / Tappan Zee) 

. Livin’ Inside Your Love | George 
Benson (War 

. Spyro Gyra (1 


1 


3.1 Wanna 


. Weekend in LA. | Geo 


. New 


550 


Weather Report (C 
Phy for You | 
Clarke (Nemperor) 

. Mr. Weather 

Jumbi) 


Gone Report (Co- 


(Warner Bros.) 
- Pat Metheny Group (ECM) 
Chantauqua | Pat Metheny 


(E 


м) 


. A Taste Jor Passion | Jean-Luc Pon- 


Atlantic) 

. Brcezin’ | George 
Bros.) 

. Carmel | Joe Sample (ABC) 


Benson. (Warner 


. The Gambler / Kenny Rogers 
Artists) 


COUN TRY-ANDAVESTERN LP 
(United 


2. Million Mile Reflection | Тһе Char- (Advertisement) 


lie Damels Band (Epic) 

3. One for the Road | Willie Nelson 
and Leon Russell (Columbia) 

4. TNT | Tanya Tucker (MCA) 


7. Stardust | Willie Nelson (Columbia) 

8. Blue Kentucky Girl | Emmylou 
Harris (Warner Bros) 

9. Willie and Family Live | Willie 
Nelson (Columbia) 

10. Living in the U. 
stadt (Asylum) 

11. Waylon & Willie | Waylon Jennings 
& Willie Nelson (RCA) 

19. Miss the Mississippi | Crystal Gayle 


.[Linda Ron- 


(Columbia 

13. Totally Hot | Olivia Newton-John 
(MCA) 

М. Great Bells of Fire | Dolly Parton 
(RCA) 


15. When 1 Dream | Crystal Gayle 
(United Artists) 

16. Pink Cadillac | John Prine (Asylum) 

. Moods [ Barba drell (МСА) 

18. Bop Till You Drop|Ry Cooder 
(Warner Bros.) 

19. Heartbreaker | Dolly Parton (RCA) 

90. Larry Gatlin's Greatest Hits (Monu- 
ment) 


MUSIC HALL OF FAME 


We haven't seen the future of rock 'n* 
roll, but we have scen the of Fame 
results, and the winner's name is Bruce 
Springsteen, From nowhere in 1978 to 
number four last year, the Boss now 
joins the giants. Placing close behind 
him in second slot is Mr. Rust himself, 
Neil Young—up [rom seventh last year. 
Repeating in third place is Miss Wet, 
Barbra Streisand. Among new entries to 
the top 20, the saddest are Lowell George 
at number ten and Charles Mingus at 
number 14—and the most attractive ad- 
dition, Joni Mitchell, at number 18. 
Your Hall of Fame picks: 


1. Bruce Springsteen 
2. Neil Young 
3. Barbra Stre 
4. Peter Townshend 
5. Jimmy Page 
6. 
7 
8 


. Neil Diamond 
. Ronnie Van Zant 


I Deas e “Your Chivas or mine?” 
14. Charles Mingus 

15. buddy Holly 

16. Chuck Berry 


(continued overleaf) | Chivas Regal + 12 Years Old Worldwide * Blended Scorch Whisky * $6 Proof. General Wine & Spirits Co, NY. — 231 


PLAYBOY 


232 


17. Jim Croce 
18. Joni Mitchell 
19. Robert Plant 
19. Chuck Mangione 


READERS' POLL 


With a few exceptions, it was business 
s usual across the board, with most of 
last year's winners right back оп top. 

In pop/rock, several newcomers turned 
up in the female-vocalist category —Deb- 
orah Harry at number three, Rickie Lee 
number five, Nicolette Larson 
t number eight and Karla Bonoff at 
number 14. Paul McCartney took over 
top-composer slot from Billy Joel and 
Led Zeppelin deposed Steely Dan as the 
favorite group—both up from number 
eight last year. Also in the group voting. 
Supertramp soared to number tw 
nowhere last y 
Brothers to. number. thi nd Bruce 
Springsteen. to number seven. Other 
notable new entries were The Cars, 
Blondie and Dire Swaits. Invusion of 
New Wave came from Elvis Costello іп 
the male-vocalist and composer categories 
nd Joe Jackson on keyboards. 


Jones a 


from 


to the Doobie 


Veteran R&B vocalist Teddy Pender- 
grass didn't make the top 20 last е, 
but this year he's number four. The only 


other notable changes in R&B came in 
the group voting. The Blues Brothers 
made it to number two. truly out of the 
blue(s). The other new entries were all 
disco tinged—Sister Sledge, Chic, Peaches 
& Herb, Boney M, Raydio and GQ. 

The big news in jazz was the welcome 
appearance of Rickie Lee Jones right at 
the top of the female vocalists. And Joni 
Mitchell at number three is another new 
face in this particular slot. Pat Metheny 
turned up at number five for the first 


ne among the jazz guitarists, as did 
Jaco Pastorius at number four on bass, 
Ralph MacDonald. at number three on 
percussion and Spyro Сута as the 

mber-three group. 

And gambling really paid Kenny 


Rogers this year. On the strength of 
his bestselling album The Gambler, 
Rogers—who didn't make the finals last 
year—knocked off Gordon Lightfoot as 
favorite country-and-western. composer. 
Otherwise, it was pretty much the same 
group portrait you painted last time. 


"Doesn't bother me—I've gol erection insurance.” 


1980 PLAYBOY MUSIC POLL RESULTS 


POP/ROCK 


мы VOCALIST 


3. Bruce Springsteen 
Barry M. 


Rob Dylan 
Roger Daltrey 
Gerry Ralfeny 


Elvis Costello 
Eddie Money 


PENALE vocaust 


Joni Mitchell 
11. Bonnie Raitt 
ieks 
3. Christine McVie 
ІЗ. Қапа Bonoll 


18. Grace Slick 
19. Joan Bacr 


j. Joc Walsh. 
Bruce Springst 


Peter Frampton 
Jeff Beck 

Fewer Townshend, 
Ror Scares 

Keith Richards 
Stephen Stills 
Rick Niels 

Jerry Garcia 
Dickey Beus 
Waddy Wach 
Rohin Trower 


d 
Billy Joel 


Hany 
. Rick Wakem; 
8. Jackson Br 


Jackson 
Roy Bite 
Rooker Г 
Nicky Hopkins 
Bran Auger 

Cary Wright 

Chuck Leavell 
Bill Pay 
Robert 


DRUMS 


Bonham 
‘almer 
Ringo Starr 
Charlie Warte 
. Russ Kunkel 
Wonder 
Raker 
тік 
Nigel Olson 


11. Danny Seraphine 
. Max Weinberg, 
13. Karen Carpenter 
13. Aynsley Dunbar 

15. Bill Bruford 

16. Johanny "Jaimae" 
Johanson 

Carmine Appice 

. Levon Helm 

. Neil Peart 

. Jim Capaldi 

Kreutzmann 


mass 
Poul McCartney 
Entwistle 


1 
. John MeVie 
. Gene Simmons 
Greg Lake 


9 BiN Wyman 
10. Rick Danko 
11. Jack Bruce 


17. Freebo 


20. Chuck Rainey 


сомғов 
|. Poul McCartney 
Шу Joel 

Bruce Springsteen 
Becker/Fagen 
Bob Dylan 

Хей Young 
Wonder 
Frank Zappa 
Diam: 
Jackson Browne 
11. Bob Seger 

19 Патер 
Anderson 


16. Peter Townshend 
17. James Taylor 
18, Elvis Costell 


Bruce Springsteen & the 
E Street Band 

ely Dan 

оой Mac 


Electric Light Orchestra 
i. Blondi 


RHYTHM-AND-BLUES. 


MALE VOCALIST 
George Benson 
Stevie Wonder 
Ray Charles 


ТЕР 
12. Tames Brown 


| Sylvester 
1. Peabo Bryson 
Curtis Mayfield 


FEMALE VOCALIST 


Joan Armatrading. 
Dionne Warwick 
Roberta Flack 
Tina Turner 


Gladys Knight 
Glori: 
әхіпе Nightingale 
i. Deniece Williams 
Thelma Houston 
Melba Moore 

. Esther Phil 
ephanie Mills 
i Labelle 
illie Jackson 


сомғовгв 
1. Stevie Wonder 

icholas Ashford-Valerie 
Marley 

key Robinson 

. Isaac Hayes 

. Barry White 

AL Green 


James Brown 
Curtis Mayfield 
. Kenny Gamble-Leon Huff 
|. Bobby Womack 


Thom Bell 
. George Clinton. 
Eugene MeDaniels 


Norman Whitfield, 
Johnny Bristol 
Hutch 


crour 
1. Eorth, Wind & Fire 
2. Blues Brothers 
ommodores 


5. Sister Sled 


Peaches & Herb 
9. Temptations 


O'Jays 
. GQ 


Emotions 

. Harold Melvin & the 
Blue Notes 

20. Ohio 


А 
1 
1 
$ 


Ray Charles. 
Frank Si 
Johnny Mathis 

Sammy Davis Jr- 


3. 

к 
5. 
6. 
7 

в. 
9. 


Mose Allison 

Billy Eckstine 

j. Joc Williams 
Brook Berton 

Jimmy Witherspoon 

Jon Hendricks 

Millon Nascimento 


1 
2. Barbra Strei 

5. Joni Mitchell 
4. Ella Fitzgerald 


8. Phoebe Snow 
6. Roberta Flack 


7. Nancy Wilson. 
В. Sarah Vaughan 
9. Flora Purim 

10. Angela Bofill 

11. Cleo Laine 

Esther Satterfield 

Lena Horne 

. Liza Minnelli 

. Della Reese 

. Peggy Lee 
Melba Moore 

. Dee Dec Bridgewater 


Herb Alpert 

i. Doc Severinsen 
Maynard Ferguson 

Miles Davis 

Dizzy Gillespie. 


James 

|. Donald Byrd 

J. Junior Walker 
Woody Shaw 

3. J. J. Johnson, 

. Mill Watrous 

j. Nat Adderley 

i. Chet Baker 

j, Wayne Henderson. 
Thad Jones 

Clark Terry 

|. Jon Faddis 


wooDwiNDS 
1. Benny Goodman 
2, Edgar Winter 

3. Tom Scot. 

4. Herbie Mani 
5. Grover Wasl 


Sonny Kollins 
J. Woody Herm: 

11. Wayne Shorter 

пісу Furrentine 

Junior Walker 

14. Zoot Sims 


7 
8, Hubert Laws 
9. 
10. 


Joc Farrell 
use! Lateef 
Bobbi Humphrey 


i Kubie 
г Keith Jarrett 
Dave Brubeck 
Bob James 
. Sergio Mendes 
Ramsey Lewis 
. Jan Hammer 
J, Oscar Peterson 
George Duke 
Joe Zawinul 
Eumir Deodato 
ы Earl "Fatha" Hines 
Mary Lou Williams 
Bill Evans 
“Thelonious Monk 
Машай Jamal 
Les McCann 
^ McCoy Tyner 


vines 
Lionel Hampton 
Roy Ayers 

Gary Burton 

Keith Underwood 
Tersy Gibbs 

Mite Jackson 


empen 


|. Buddy Montgomery 
bby Hutcherson 


GUITAR 


1. George Benson 
3, Jeff Beck 

3. Al Di Meola 

4. John McLaughlin 


5. Pat 
6. Earl Klugh 
Byrd 
8. Larry Coryell 
9. Joc Pass 


John Abercrombie 
Tony Mottola 
Upchurch 


16. Gabor Szabo 
17. Kenny Burrell 
18. Larry Carlton. 
18. Grant Севан 
20. Lee Ritenour 
20. Melvin Sparks 


3. Ron Carter. 
. Ray Brown 
j. Jaco Pastor 
Joe һуға 
Rufus Reid 

Carl Radle 

E. Bob Cranshaw 

9. Monk Montgomery 
10. Walter Booker 
ike Bruce 
11. Carol Kaye 
Eddie Gomez 


19. Miroslav Үй 


PEReUssiON 
1, Buddy Rich 
Billy Cobham 


Harvey Mason 
Art Blake 
. John Guerin 

. Jack DeJohnette 
. Steve Gadd 
Alphonse Mouzon 


CON POSER 
1. Chuck Mangione 
2. Quincy Jones 

5. Chick Corea. 

4. Dave Brubeck 
5. Bob James 
в. 
D 
9. 
n 


y Clarke 
Hancock 


. Cil Scott-Heron /Brian 
Jackion 

Joe Zaw 

Michel Legrand 

» Carlos Jobim 

iko Akiyoshi 

mir Deodato 

Monk 

. Wayne Shorter 

i. Carla Bley 

. Thad Jones 

. Horace Silver 


cxovr 

Chuck Mangione 

Weather Report 

Spyro Gy 

Crusaders 

. Doc Severinse 

j. Tom Scott & the L.A. 

Express 

7. Count Basie 

8. Return te Forever 

9. Maynard Ferguson. 

0. Sergio Mendes & 
Brasil AM 

11. Ray Charles 

12. Dave Brubeck 

13. Buddy Rich 


И. Jan Hammer 

John McLaughlin 

16. Herbie Hancock 

17. Ramsey Lewis 

18. Miles Davis 

19. Akiyoshi/ Tabackin Big 
Band 

20. Larry Coryell & the 
Eleventh House 


COUNTRY-AND-WESTERN 


MALE VOCALIST 
1. Kenny Rogers 
zw ekon 
don Lightfoot 
. Waylon Jennings 
John Denver 

David Bromberg 
- Eddie Rabbitt 
| Kris Kristofferson 
j. Larry Gatlin 
Roy Clark 
Glen Campbell 
Ronnie Milsap 
Jerry Jeff Walker 
Johnny Cash 
Jerry Reed 
| Jerry Lee Lewis 
Michael Murphey 
(ош 
. Charley 
Hank Williams, Jr- 


FEMALE VOCALIST 
1. Linde Ronstadt 

2. Crystal Gayle 

3. Emmylou Harris 

1. Dolly P: 

5. Olivia Newton-John 
6. 

D 


j. Anne Murray 
Barbara Mandrell 
. Tanya Tucker 


13. Tammy Wynette 
Loretta L 


Brenda Lee 
Donna Fargo 
Tracy Nelson 
Stella Parton 
Linda Hargrove 
Connie Smith 


PICKER 

Roy Clark 

. Chet Atkins 

Leo Kottke 

. Jerry Reed 

ан Scrugge 

Ry Соойег 

. David Bromberg, 
Doc Watson 


Daniels 
ny Gimble 
Pete Drake 

. Reggie Young 
. Amos Garrett 
. Lloyd Green 
Tut Taylor 


COMPOSER 
1. Kenny Rogers 
Cordon Lightfoot 
Willie Nelson 
. John Denver 
Wayl 


13. Merle Haggard 
15. Roger Miller 


18. Charlie Daniels 
18. Townes Van Zandt 
20. Marty Robt 


в 233 


PLAYBOY 


234 пате would be Nancy ( 


PLAYMATE REUNION 


(continued from page 125) 


“Тһе one thing all had in common was their interest 
іп one special Playmate— Janet Pilgrim.” 


had been a major feat of logistics that 
had taken more than a year. Phone 
calls were made to husbands and es 
husbands, boyfriends and ex-boyfriends, 
parents, photographers and agents. Al- 
though most of the Playmates had kept 
in touch with pLaysoy over the years, i 
took as many as 15 calls each to track 
down some of the most peripatetic. Two 
hundred were located, a few fairly sur- 
prised at having been found. The most 
consistent reaction, said Miki Garcia, 
Miss January 1973 and now Director of 
Playmate Promotions, was a “desire to 
see Hef again, to find out what he's like 
now and to renew the Playmate ex- 
perience.” 
t there would ever be such a thing 
mate experience" was not 
adily apparent when the magarine was 
ted. PLAYBOY'S first issue, back in 
December 1953, featured the famous 
nude photo of Marilyn Monroe, but she 
was called “Sweetheart of the Month.” 
By the second issue, the word Playmate 
was used to describe Margie Harrison, 
The first triple page foldout appeared in 
March 1956. Now the riavnoy Playmate 
is generally considered the most success- 
ful continuing feature in the hi 
the magazine industry. 

How successful 

Consider the following 
compiled for the magazine's 25th an 
niversary: Over the years, PLAYBoy has 
used 68,250,000 pounds of paper to 
produce the centerfold. Only Cod can 
only Hef can make a 
Placed end to end, the c 
folds would measure 3.013 1 
feet, enough to circle the с: 


room, 
cks in the 
print. the 
9,978849 
and a 
half Olympic-sized Jacuzzis—and some 
715,000,000 staples have been used in 
and/or around ihe world's most cele- 


doi 
world. 
cente 


nd military barra 
The ink used to 
olds would total 


four 


gallons—enough to fill 


brated navels during the past quarter 
century. 

As long as we are on the topic of 
vital statistics: Last January, PLAYHOY 


staffer Gloria Reeves tabulated the com- 
bined measurements of 25 years of 
Playmates. If such a delectable creature 
as the Total Playmate actually existed, 
she would stretch the tape to an aston. 
ishing 10,508" x 7305" x 10,302". She 
would stand 1670 in her bare feet and 
weigh a mere 34,008 pounds. Most 
likely, she'd have dark hair (158 out 
of 310 Playmates are brunettes). Her 
е Playmates), 


her sign Aries (32 Playmates). She would 
knock your socks off. 

The Playmate ік the classic all- 
American girl, but some parts of Amer- 
ica seem to produce more than their fair 
share. Forty Playmates came from Cali- 
fornia, 16 from Texas and 11 from New 
York. Nine were imported from Ger- 
many, several from other countries. But 
during the entire past decade, not one 
gatefold girl was born in the states of 
Alaska, Colorado, Connecticut, Dela- 
ware, District of Columbia, Georgia, 
Idaho, Towa, Maine, Maryland, Massa- 
chusetts, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hamp- 
shire, New Mexico, North Carolina, 
North Dakota, Oregon, Rhode Island, 
South Dakota, Vermont, West Virginia 
or Hawaii. Maybe it's something in the 
water supply. 

You didn't read all of the above in 
your local gazette, but media coverage 
of the reunion itself would have gratified 
a Presidential candidate. There were 
teams of American reporters and photog- 
raphers, so many that the whir of the 
motor drives on the cameras at times 
sounded like the chirps of maddened in 
sects. Reporters from England jostled 
representatives of West German radio 
and of the Voice of America. A film crew 
from NBC TV's Real People vied for the 
best angles with news cameramen from a 
half-dozen local stations and network 
alliliates, The best TV news angle of all 
as gotten by KCRA-TV of mento, 
which sent Kristine Hanson down to cov 
t for Weeknight, the ТҮ. 
guine show on which she арр 

Ki ne had inside track: She 
was a Playmate in 1974. In addition, 
filming was being done by a group from 
Playboy Productions, working on a 90- 
nute special for Showtime. the cable- 
TV network. (It is the first of many 
shows in the works to be produced by 
Playboy for cable TV) 


ү. 


ranging Írom such jour 
mplars as Time and The Washington 
Post to folksier publications on the order 
ol the Logansport, Indiana, Pharos- 
Tribune, the Bucyrus, Ohio, Telegraph 
Forum and the Quincy. Illinois. Herald- 
Whig. One paper called the event 
“Foldout Fantasy,” another a “well-put- 
together get-together.” The Hollywood 
Reporter said, “It was like dying and 
going to heaven.” 
The one thing all the papers, maga- 
ines and film crews had 5 
their interest in onc special Playmate— 
Janet Pilgrim. She was the 19th Play- 


mate, not the first, but she was the only 
one to appcar on the centerfold three 
times (July 1955, December 1955 and 
October 1056). The reason for thc en- 
cores was that Janet was the first of the 
girlnext-door types who have helped 
win PLAYBOY its enormous audience. 

As far as PLAYBOY was concerned, Jan- 
et Pilgrim literally was the girl next 
door—she was a staffer on the magazine. 
In effect. she was the Subscription De- 
partment. Recalling those days at the 
reunion, she said, “Hef was having 
trouble getting the kind of pinup pic- 
tures he wanted, and all of a sudden. 
someone in the office said, just as kind 
of a lark, ‘Maybe we could send Janet 
to the photographer.’ ” 

Now married, the mother of two teen- 
age daughters and a striking-looking 
woman of 45, Janet had not seen Hefner 
in 15 years—and had never scen Playboy 
Mansion West. "It amazes me," she said, 
looking around at the lush acreage. 
"when I think back on how we start- 
ed with tiny little offices in a tiny little 
building, and only 13 people on the staff. 
1 just can’t believe it.” 

Many of the 135 other Playmates who 
came to the reunion were equally aston- 
ished at the success they had helped 
bring about. Most arrived on Friday and 
were picked up at Los Angeles Inter- 
nal Airport in limousines and taken 
to their hotels. After checking in and 
freshening up. most went tu the Mansion 
to partake of the Friday-night buffet, 
which traditionally precedes the showing 
of a movic. But the film was of secondary 
terest to the guests who were seeing 
one another, and Hef, for the first time 
in many years. 

The next 
festivis of 
limousines took the Playmates to the 
ration and presenta- 
Чоп to each o[ a specially designed jew 
cled Rabbit Head pendant. 

One by one or in small groups, the 
girls drifted into the enormous gauze 
tent that had been put up on the Man- 
sion grounds. It was filled wi nd. 
just as importantly, decorated with huge 
color blowups of selected Playmate poses 
from the magazine's history. One could 
almost see the litt 
tion as Playmates found themselves 
standing under huge reproductions of 
the centerfolds that had propelled them 
to the center of men's consciousness and, 
many cases, had propelled them from 
their lives as the girl next door into 
careers in show business. 

In many respects, the atmosphere 
seemed that of a college reunion. com- 
plete with hugs. kisses. squeals. giggles 
and much posing for Instamatic snap- 
shots, as women who had not seen опе 
another i 
notes. Fame had come to many. in vary 
ing degrees: Everyone pretty much knew 
about Cyndi Wood's burgeoning career 


у. the offic 
s a processio 


h ferns 


e explosions of emo- 


“May I take a message, Mrs. Burke? Your husband is 
off the floor at the moment." 


235 


PLAYBOY 


as ап actress amd about the career of 
Claudia Jennings (who was, tragically, to 
die in an auto crash weeks later). But it 
was the less-well-known stories that often 
gave the most satisfaction, such as lear 
Sue Bernard, Miss December 
s the author of Joyous Mother- 
hood: or that Bonnie Large, Miss March 
1973, is, of all things, a performing 
hypnotist: or that Patti Reynolds, Miss 
September 1965, is one of the Cook 
County, Illinois, Forest Preserves d 
trices few female naturalists 

t's like a sisterhood. We all shi 
common bond, and there are еше 
feelings that arent verbalized,” said 
Miki Garcia. “If you meet another wom- 
n a Playmate, yo 
the conversation on another level. It’s 
ike guys’ saying. "Gee, I've been in the 
Air Force, too. What other modeling 
job could a person do, then go on with 
her life, come ba and still 
have a place in the family?” 

The titular head of that family, Hef- 
ner himself, was by his own admission 
captivated by the sentiment of the occ: 
ion, by seeing what Miki called "his 
ng work in flesh and blood." 
aking to the guests, Hefner said, “I 
red for so much emot 


will stay with me for as long as I live. 
When you think of how much the P 
hi i the 


e me 
nd fantasies of A 
to have them all here in one place at 
one time is sharing an experience that 
will not come again.” 

After Hef spoke, T V.gameshow host 
Richard Dawson took the stage to emcee 
an informal program in which a group 
of Playmates modeled the new Playmate 
promotion costumes. Then Hefner drew 
names out of a bowl to award gilts. 
Stereos, cameras, ТУ sets, tape and home 
video recorders were given away. Then 
came the drawing of the two first 
prizes—Volvo Bertone coupes, each val- 
ued at over $17,000—won by Barbara 
Hillary, Miss April 1970, and Julia Lyn 
don, Miss August 197 

The guests partook of a sumptuous 
buffet luncheon and. once it was over, 


тей out of the tent into the warm 
California sunshine. The photographers, 
naturally enough, gathered at the two 
areas where most of the Playmates dus- 
tered—the tennis court, transformed for 
the occasion into a roller-disco rink, and, 
on the other side of the estate. around 
the pool. 

For some of the Playmates, the after- 
noon was a time for reflection, а chance 
то explore the things they had felt when 
they had posed, and to examine the 
changes the Playmate phenomenon has 
gone through in its 25 years. 

То Eleanor Bradley, Miss February 
1959 and a self-described “golden oldie,” 
the difference between the Fifties and 
now is the amazing change in public 
ttitudes about sexuality. “My pose,” she 
aid, tly seminude. It was a 
head shot from the waist up. no nipples 
allowed. In terms of nudity. it was noth 
ng—like walking around in a bi 
Bur, at the time, the people closest to me 
found it hard to handle, Today I think 
things have changed for the bette 
People have grown in their own heads. 
or example. back then, we had to 
fight the stigma of men thinking that we 
were all made out of cotton candy. If 
we told someone we were Playmates, it 
seemed as though we had to prove that 
t idiots. One of the t 

in the promotioi 
I helped 


we меге 


proudest of 
work I did f 
with the PLaynoy s ds that showed 
that Playmates wer al quality." 

As stereotypes have broken down, т 
cent. Playmates—such as Dorothy Strat. 
ten, Miss August 1979—have been able 
to look at the experience of being 
Playmate as “something just a little ou 
of the ordinary, a good way to get started 
a career." Vicki McCarty agrees. A Phi 


Bera Kappa graduate of the University of 
Californi 


a Berkeley. the holder of a 
rom Cambridge University. 
d a student at Hastings Col 
Law who will be graduated 
this spring and sit for the California bar 
exam. she is also Miss September 1979. 
McCarty, I grown up with 
rrAYBOY and recollects having "seen the 
naked ladies in the magazines on the 


coffee table, and having wondered all 
along what that lile was like. Га been а 
serious student and a diligent voung 
professional, and 1 wanted а whole new 
facet to my life, 


sexually ted man is like, 

helped define what a successful, sexu 
liberated woman is lik 
to the pool, she added, "Bei 
mate isn't scandalous anymor 
a little risqué, 
about it.” 

As the afternoon light turned golden, 
the Playmates went back to their hotels 
to change for the evening’s dinner and 
disco dancing, One of the guests, alt 
dinner and after some dancing, sat by 
the lighted pool and said that the day 
had been like a "fantasyland: the rest of 
the world simply did not exist.” 

Many of the Playmates found. that 
that fantasyland feeling was a long time 
aring off, For Janet Pilgrim, whose 
gest prereunion qualm was “Whoever 
going to remember me? Surely TIL be 
considered long gone and by the way- 
side,” the experience of the reunion was 
“positively overwhelming. 

Very, very late in the evening, as many 
of the guests were departing, Hel sat in 
a quiet cor d answered the in 
evitable how-does-it-feel? question. “On 
one level,” he said, “йз clearly a wild 
nostalgia trip for me and for many of 
the girls. But it is also a very special 
family reuni 


IDs just 
nd thats what I like 


of this day is that we were gathered here 
not only to look backward at the past 
but also to look at the present and the 
future. We had girls from the Fifties and 
Sixties and Seventies, but also girls who 
will be appearing in the magazine in 
the Eighties, And ‘that’s very special for 
me, to sec the PLAYBOY dream as it ha 
been and as it will be.” 
And what about your place in thi 
Hel? “Me? I'm the proud poppa.” 
. 
weeks later. we caught up with 
et Pilgrim to see if the magic had 
worn off. Tt hadn't, "I couldn't believe 
to me from Ше 
It surpassed my 


ms. 
1 felt as if Fd been asleep for 
years, The last thing 1 remembered w 
Hel running around in baggy panis 
nd loafers with that Pepsi in his hand 
And now Fd been awakened into 
storybook empire. Гуе been on cloud 
nc ever since. The reunion was wondes 
ful, the most. unforge 
I've ever had. I'm sure 
will ever happen to 
At least not for another 


20 


ble experience 

nothing like this 
n. 

years. 


ie aj 


E MEE 


MCISTERED 
TRADE MARK 


"roe; 


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SCOTCH WHISKY 


30VeaRs OLO 


The apple never falls far from the tree. 


Ballantine’ in the famous square bottle 
inheriis its great taste, and its blend of 44 great whiskies, 
from our 30-yeat-old Ballantine's — the oldest, 

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1621" Blended Scotch Whisky, bottled in Scotland: 86 proof. Imported by “217 Brands, Ine. N.Y C. 


238 


CHUCK BARRIS „е 


“Оп a Barris show, the whole point is to watch people 
balance precariously on the edge of bad taste." 


moment with 
deliberately 
хо istic— 


ad play thei 
n. The tone 
silly. voy 
nd the players are encouraged to let 
loose w anta 
ves that everybody has an 


h their wildest ies. 


act, everybody сап write a song, every- 
body can tell a story. You don't have to 
be classy to be ent ig—you can be 


y instead. You сап be spontaneous 
nd outrageous. You can be weird. You 
n talk about your intimate secrets. 
You сап be creepy. On a Barris show, 
the prizes are small and the game is 
ever taken scriously—the whole point 
is to watch the people balance precari- 
ously on the edge of bad taste. 

You can get on a Chuck Barris show 
in any number of ways. You can act like a 
swinging single—sell sexual fantasy and 
try to be өне (The Dating Game). You 
can argue with your newlywed spouse— 
bicker intimate sexual details 
of your married lile (The Newlyw 
Game). You can think up а 
of 


over the 


y—any but 
boring (The Gong Show). М you are a 
woman. you can р 
. do some sort of si 
gle your tits and 
and allow an m.c. to make fun of you 
(The $1.98 Beauty Show). You can play 
the jealous, competitive secretary vs. the 
housewile (Three's a Crowd). 

Some say television has sunk to new 
depths with Chuck is Productions. 
The Gong Show and The $1.98 Beauty 
Show feature people who don't under 
stand that they are being humiliated. 
and The Daling Game and The Newly- 
wed Game ave devoted ost entirely 
10 questions about sex. The $1.98 Beauty 
Show is by far the most lurid American 
show e producer 
Gene Banks called it ep show—and 
it cer h tits and ass to 


ade around onstag 
ple 
ss 


on television—its 


а pi 


nly shows enou 
n 


excite m. 
with pede 
fun of i adience can have 
ake and pretend it's never eaten 

Barris responds to criticism of Gon, 


y a man. The show gets away 
ng r 


that way. the 


hy sex by making 


its 


ad $7.98 by saying that both shows are 
an outrageous piece of rubbish.” not 
10 be taken seriously. But they aren't so 


rugged ой. For one thing, there 
ney 10 be made from selling 
them. Not long ago, Forbes published a 
glowing account of Barris financial suc- 
cess, reporting that the stock of Chuck 
Productions has skyrocketed. In 


ldition to his five current shows, there 
е four in development. plus з movie 
All of the shows 
duced by Barris’ company 
shown in the seven-to-eight-r.at 
time local.access slot. The show: 
icated, which means H 


re fir 


prime- 
e зуп 
is sells them 


of to a network. That way, he 
the reruns and is not at the mercy 
cancellations. According to Forbes. 
Barris increased the earnings ol his cor 
on by 2500 percent in only four 
years; his own stock is now worth 
522.000.000. 


. 
But there's more to Barris’ shows than 
money and nonsense, though that ¢ 
ing d то define. А case сап 
be made Tor the that he's re 
rt form, Low comedy has 
existed for as long as there have been 
sophisticated people tying to be fi 
ris has simply drawn it out 
of circuses, fraternities and. barrooms, 
ош of skit nights and camplires, and has 
plopped it right smack onto the stage ol 
the Seventies—national television. 
Although the origins of low comedy 
complex and intriguing—they go 
back to Shakespeare, Chaucer. Aristoph- 
anes—Barris isnt interested in them. 
Oddly (considering his complex atti- 
1ude toward his success). it doesn't make 
him happy to consider that he might 
be marketing a peculiarly Americanized 
form of comedy that was slicked up for 
audeville and is now returned to its 
assroots origins. What he does con 
sider is the nagging feeling thai | 
up to his ears in rubbish. He’ 
in building his pop-culture empire. 
he 


dient is 


ving 


ient 


but 
do 
something better? He is an energetic. 


why doesn't he use his talents to 
cute 50-year-old man who has ап ex-wil 
old daughter who lives with 
him. a girlfriend named Red 
money than he c 
doesn't he drop all this 
programing and start to play out hi 
wildest dream? Why doesn't he rent a 
cottage somewhere on the beach, far 
from Hollywood. and write something 
that is really good? Why doesn't | 
the great American novel? 

The problem seems to be that Barris 
always followed his instincts rather 
his intellect and, consequently 
gone in the direction of commercia 
hits, He wrote Palisades Park, a hit bub- 
ble-gum rock- 


17у 
d more 


n possibly spend. Why 


ly tele 


ioi 


e write 


he wrote You and Me, Babe, а best-sell- 
ing sentimental ted out ii 
television with a successful. game show 
(The Dating Game). Like many of the 
people who go on his shows, he is se- 
duced by popular notions, quick ente 
tainment and the belief that he shi 
live life as il it were constantly fw 
His office оп Sunset Boulevard is. in 
fact. like a playpen. Everyone wears 
jeans and funny buttons on his shirt 
works im a room that is plastered wi 
photos and drawings with comic cap- 
lions, circus posters and other bits of 
pop-culture detritus. 
Mike Meger, who is in charge of 
The Dating Game and The Newlywed 
зате now t В; has moved on to 
says that Barris always 
мей that if work isn't іші. vou 
shouldn't do it. In the old days. when 
the network was paying for di 
tions for newlyweds, employees were 
mg off to chaperone winners 
Мгіса. Acapulco and Aspen. "We would 
time." Meuger says. 
o travel and write 
wanted 
his 


а 


other shows. 


ways tal 


our novels or do whatever w 
It was fun." Now he looks а 
dar, which is scheduled. with few bre 
for the next two years. “It's ОҚ 
he says. "There's the challen 


Tt was over a year ago when T talked 
with Barris; now he is refusing inte 
views with the press (his PR man 
shouted at me, “This company is hol! 
Chuck Barris Productions is a glamor 
stock! If Barris says he doesn’t want to 
do interviews, we don't ask him why!) 
Nevertheless. in many ways. Barris is as 
wide open and “out there” as the people 
he puts on his shows. And maybe. like 
them, he is just a little deluded 

Tt was important to him for me to 
understand that he started out in day- 
time tele nd the game-show busi- 
ess solely because he had ambitions to 
become president of ABC. He sees him 
self as an impulsive, s 
hustler who ran full til 
of television only because he іше: 
ne to be made with a si 


sion 


was а for 


idea. Barris isn't apologetic about his 
shows. Kids love them and he's proud of 
that. Also. the people who get on them 
usually have a torific time. What lı 


wonders is why he seems to be stuck— 
stuck im а popart form that he under- 
stands but. does not admire. Stuck in 
form that cannot go anywhere ог tran- 
scend itsel{—a form he сап push. shove 
and pummel but that cin only explode 
or end up in parody. 

“You don't know, 
writers are my heroes. I'd like t 
Vm capable of writing something 
ood. My house in M. 
shelves filled. with Faulkner 
Proust; I read the Ne: 


he told me, “but 
think 


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York Times Book 


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PLAYBOY 


240 


Review every Sunday from cover to cover. 

“What,” he said, looking me straight 
in the сус, "did you think of my bool 

He was talking about You and Me, 
Babe, a slimly disguised account of hi 
marriage and divorce, a book that Barr 
promoted with 590,000 of his com- 
pany's money and that did, indeed, be- 
come a best seller. Tt is a simple-minded 
tale with a moral. In it, Baris tells the 
story of a character called Tommy, an 
energetic, cute and cocky kid from Phil 
delphia—a smart person could 
never stay put long enough to graduate 
. Tommy woos and wins h 
led Sammy—solely be 


who 


from college 


ase he 


ex-wife, Lynn Levy, is the daughter of 
Leon Levy, one of the founders and m; 
jor stockholders of CBS, and Blanche 
Paley. sister of CBS? current b 
man.) Three days before the weddi: 


ying Tommy. whom he 
ist. and Tommy runs 
set his bearings. Finally. he decides that 
he has been fooling himself{—he is i 
love, and races home just in 
time for the wedding. 

After that. the two of them live out а 
newlywed dre mmy gets a job sell- 
ing TelePrompTers all over the U. $. He 
and his bride drive to a TV station, drop 
off the equipment, tell the station man- 
ager to play with it and go back the next 
day to pick it up. They go to a park, to 
the seashore, to a swimming pool, to the 
nd doing noth- 
ng but talking, reading and makin; 
love. When Tommy is finally fired fro 
the job after a усаг, h 


m. 


Bx 


“Get married! Pay your debt to society! 


unwilling to give up their romantic jour- 
ney. They take their savings and go to 
Europe, a пір marred only by Tommy’ 
inability to write the great novel that he 
thought he | him. 

UE was h; fun," Barris told me, 
openly blending his own history with 
that of Tommy. “It was a great time, 
iving out of a station wagon, bumming 


liv 
around Europe. even though we were 


always broke. 1 was happy even when 
we came back and T was just about to go 
to Caracas with USIA. 


job came through at 
watchdog for Dick 
Bandstand. ГА read 
Times on the train down 
to ‚ talk to all the pretty 
girls on the show—it wasn't a great job, 
but 1 was enjoying it.” 

Barris is still trying to find out what 
went wrong. He told ine that he got 
bitious—that he started "ingratia 
himself with television people, and then 
had to prove that he could do something 
on his own. He schemed, he hustled and, 
finally, he borrowed 520.000 from hi 
stepfather to produce a pilot of The 
Dating Game. 

In the book, Tommy's relationship 
with his wife goes downhill when hi 
career starts to rise. He becomes King of 
the Game Shows, and along with the 
money come the problems. The prol 
lems. € vague. As 
Barris is most convincing about 

“Who would have dreamed, 
in the voice of Tommy, “that we would 
never have to stand in linc at a bank. or 


scandal hit 


k's American 
The New Yor 


however, 


азу. 


he wrote 


T 


know when the rent was due, or how 
much our insurance premiums were. 
Someone would do it for us. Someone 
would make our appointments. wash our 
cars, cut our lawns, buy our anniversary 
presents and send out our Christmas 
cards, get-well telegrams and sympathy 
notes. - .. We would never € to take 
à bus or a taxi, if we didn't want to. 
because someone would always be there 
to pick us up and deliver us. We would 
never have to refill our refrigerators. our 
liquor cabinets or our ice-cube trays. 

At the end of the book, Tommy and 
his wile finally separate for good. Barris 
defends Tommy as a guy who is gu 
only of callousness and ambition and is 
hurt deeply when his wife finally betrays 
him. But he lets her have the last words: 
used to be sweet. Т 


sed to love to live. 
ше all in the right 
places. You had s. scruples, honor, 
nd respect for yourself. and for others. 
But no more. Now you're a tense, taut 
has to perform. . . . Y. 
indulgent, self-centered, self- 
ving, sell, self, sell." 

I wanted to answer Barris’ question 
about his book honestly, but first 1 
wanted to know if it were all true 
things 1 changed." he said shyly, 
ically writing about myself. 
he story of your marriage is tru 

“Yes,” he said. “That character is me. 

“Well” I said. asn't impressed 
with the writing. but I did think the 
book was a good rcad, on a simple level, 
and some ol the scenes were wonderfully 
timed. Just putting an entire novel to- 
gether is a feat in іней-Гта impressed 
with people who get a beginning, middle 
and end." 

“That's what I think of the book," 
iris replied eagerly. “I wanted to 
ke it а good read, I wanted it to be 
best seller, І wrote it in imitation of 
Love Story—especially the first half." 

"Why did you set out to imitate some- 


love lile. у 
You had your 


wre 


machine u 


selfish, sel 


м 


маз 


“1 don't know. 1 wish 1 knew. And 
why did I try to imitate a book that I 
don't think is really very good?” He 
looked distraught. “I hope Im capable 
of moving on," he said, turning away 
nk I am, but it's hard to 
pull yourself out of thinking commercial. 
H's a lifestyle. And, like you say, Tm 
ike the people who go on my shows. Г 
from Philadelphi d thats the most. 
retarded area in the whole country, the 
most repressed. I laugh at what Phila- 
delphians laugh at. I like farting jokes. 1 
like funny hats. Im commercial and 1 
know it. 1 even went on a game show 
when I was in college.” 

“You di 

“I wanted to impress a girl, and so I 
got three other guys and we sang Your 


from 


i 


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PLAYEOY 


242 


Cheatin’ Heart. Two weeks later, I 
asked her to marry me." 

“Well.” I said. considering his prob- 
lem, "can you have serious writing am- 
bitions and still be absorbed іп pop 
culture —TV, rock "n' roll, sentimental 
novel 


m working now because I'm enjoy- 
ing it," Barris replied. "I enjoy making 


money, although that has got to stop, 
and its exciting when suddenly you've 
got a show that is hot. I was mobbed 


when I went to New York recently. I w 
mobbed by kids іп Centr 
police had to come and 
couldn't move. That stuff is heady, but, 
of course, it has to stop. You pay your 
dues and then you gotta move on." 

Barris has, of course, moved on since 
we had that long conversation more than 
year ago, but not in the direction of 
writing anything that will one 4 
up on his bookshelf along with Tol- 
моу and Faulkner. The full page ad in 
Variety last year r CHUCK BARRIS 
PRODUCTIONS. SUPPLYING ONE THOUSAND 
чуо HUNDRED AND FORTY-EIGITE HALF- 
MOUKS FOR TELEVISION, PLUS A MOTION 
PICTURE DD so. The ad listed five 
shows on the air and four in devel- 
opment: How's Your Mother-in-Law?, 
Chuck Barris Hour Talkshow, Dollar а 
Second and The Divorce Game. The 
fifth project was a motion picture called 
The Gong Show Movie, directed by Rob- 
ert Downey and written by Downey and 
Barris. Downey is an avantgarde film 
maker of the Andy Warhol school who 
has given us Putney Swope. Ba 
man also told me that Ba 


hiatus in the production of Gong and 
$1.98 to work on a novel. Is i 
He doesn't know a 

“To be frank,” Barris said during that 
luncheon conversation a year ago, 
fore The Gong Show hit, I had decided 


ers and Artists Build- 
ing in Beverly Hills and went there cach 
day, but I was having a hard time of it. 
I spent most of my time in cafés or walk- 
ing on the beach. When The Gong Show 
took off, I sent back my advance, which 
was $100,000." 

“And you don't know what the prob- 
lem was?" I asked. 

"No. I took a writing course at UCLA 
but gave it up—they can't teach you 
how to write. The book just wasn't go- 
ing well. 

"What was the problem?” 

“I don't know.” 

“I think there are characters parading 
through your life who are certainly 
worthy of a novel,” I said. 

“I know,” he said. “I know. Sometimes 
1 ask them why they come down to the 
studio, put on their bathing suit or their 
ever they do, and their 
me. I am simply 


answers just am: 
amazed." 

"Have you ever talked for more than 
a few minutes with any of them?” 

Barris looked at his watch. "My God.” 
he said, “I'm late, I've got to gol” 

. 

And so I found myself on the eighth 
floor of Barris’ new office building, tr 
ing to understand the success of game/ 
people shows firsthand. 1 sat with Mike 


Meuger and Steve Friedman behind a 
long table in a small room, where they 
audition couples for The Newlywed 


Game. Meuger and Friedman are both 


enthusiastic guys who spring out of th 
seats from time to time to do comic 
impersonations. 

What Barris taught them before he 
handed over the reins has to do with 
the selection of contestants, they said. 


who were likable but at least a little dif 
ferent. What they are looking for in the 
couples who parade before them is a real 
cmotion, couples who are so uninhibited 
and out there that a good question can 
spark a rcaHife minidrar 

“I's a borderline show," Metzger. 
“Everyone asks us where we find people 
who are willing to be so honest and re- 
vealing; but the fact is that we work 
very hard at it. We're looking for a 
spontaneous eruption of fecling, and the 
amazing thing is that we get it. The only 
other show to get real emotion 
pen spontaneously on the air was Candid 
Camera, and it had to keep the cameras 
hidden." 

And, unlike Candid Camera, people 
try to get on Barris’ shows. Take, for 
example, Mike and Sheila. Mike was 
very fat, dressed in a three-piece green 
suit, and Sheila was short, pregnant and 
had her hair in а Farrah Fawcett cut. 
‘They live in Fresno and had driven 200 
miles to Hollywood because they were 
“the outgoing type” and their friends 
had dared them to get on The Newlywed 
Game. Vd been watching them as they 
filled out their questionnaires before 
the audition and they certainly were 
cute—they laughed affectionately at cach 
other's jokes and were continuously fon- 
dling each other's hands. They had been 
married for four months, were 19 and 
20 years old and knew exactly what they 
were getting into. They'd watched The 
Newlywed Game since they were nine 
and they'd seen it get more and 
more bawdy. They knew they would 
have to argue about things such as 
whether or mot her boobs меге big 
enough for him or whether they made 
love at night or in the morning; in fact, 
d practiced the questions and. an- 
swers at home. Whenever the question 
was about sex, Mike said, they planned 
10 say that they loved it and wanted 
more. He laughed a little too loudly. 
Sheila looked at me and said, "Really, 
though, he wants it more than I do." 
Then she giggled and grabbed Mike by 
the neck and kissed him on the chee 

Before Mike and Sheila went for their 

ition, they were treated to a briefing, 
To get the couples used to making noise, 
tever 
comes into their heads—especially sex 
all of them а fed by a very hip, 
lastrapping comic. He's best at ad 


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PLAYBOY 


24 


and imitations, so his routine isn't as 
good in print as it is in person; but 
he's also very informative about what 
Barris Productions thinks they should do 
to be ente Р 

"OK, folks, two things are going to 
get you on the show tonight —one thing 


is money and the other is Tylenol with 
codeine. No, seriously, the only thing 
that will get you on is talk. And when I 
say talk, I don't mean complete your 
sentences, I'm talking chapters of novels, 


get into it. Even more important than 


that аге those reactions. The Newlywed 


Game is the number-one game show on 
TV because of [ke makes funny noises, 
weird gestures, guttural gasps] those in- 
is not the time to be 
embarrassed or shy—'Six times in the 
bathtub, Mary? I thought it was only 
five!" Go as crazy in there as you want, 
but watch your language. Bitch, horny 
and Jesus are out [imitating а jive-talk- 
ing black gwy]— Eh. man, 1 got me a 
horny bitch. Jesus, that bitch, sh 
[Here he snifjs an imaginary line of co- 
caine] This is Hollywood! We're tired of 
those words. They're boring. Cock is OK 
[Shouts and screams of laughter] 

“OK, couple of impressions here be- 
fore you go in. Adam to Eve [he stands 
with his legs apart and looks down at his 
cock]: ‘Stand back, honey, I don't know 
how big this thing's gonna get! [More 


teractions. 71 


laughter and some boots and whistled 


“Do you know how clams make love? 
[Holds his hands, palms flat, together in 
front of the audience. Then he opens 
his fingers just а little and says in a low, 
guttural voice] ‘Wanna fuck? " 

"Couple number two," said the kid 
playing m.c. for the run-through audi- 
tions. He had Bob Eubanks' voice down 
exactly 

“Sheila, would you say that your hus- 
band is numb, grouchy or aggressive 
when he wakes up in the morning?” 

"Well" said Sheila, taking a deep 
breath, “Pd say"—she paused and looked 
lingly at the тыс, who, 
tcly, wasn't judging her performance 
all—"that he's definitely numb.” She 
was thinking of a story to tell, but 
the m.c. moved оп: 

“Mike? What did you say to that? 

Mike was silently making expressions 
of disgust. since his answer was "aggres- 
sive." He leaned forward in his chair as 
if he were about to do something rash, 
but he was still shy in front of an audi- 
ence. “Numb?” he finally said. “Numb? 
Then how come you're always telling me 
that I'm such a sex maniac 

“At night, Mike, at night." Sheila 
responded immediately this time, “Don't 
you remember all those mornings you 
wouldn't even speak to me? I had to get 
up and bring you a cup of coffee before 
you'd let go of the pillow you put over 
your head?" She paused and Mike didn’t 


unfortu- 


say anything. "Or was that because 
re so ugly?” 

nally, Mike got into it. "But what 
about afler my cup of coffee? What 
about then? Then I feel like getting . . . 
some . . and you run into the bathroom 
to fix your hair so your boss will like you 
at work.” 

"Mike," Sheila said, “I h; 
the bathroom to throw up. 
her stomach to indicate she 
nant and everyone laughed) 

Metzger and Fricdman were making 
notations on the six couples, including 
Sheila and Mike, who were audition- 
ing in this run-through. When the game 
was over and the couples were leaving, 
they both handed all their notes over to 
ssistant. 

Not one of then 

"Nope." 

“What about Mike and Sheila? 

Eh." Metzger said and shrugged. 

“Dull,” Friedman said. "She was try- 
ing hard, but nothing special." 

“They didn't fight right?" 1 asked. 

“The bottom line,” Metzger 
that we just didn't like them. 

Alter the auditions. Metzger and Fried- 
man, David the “briefer” and the kid 
who was playing m.c. tossed one-liners at 
one another as if they never tired of 
turning their jobs into playtime. But T 
couldn't write down the jokes, so T asked 
them about what they'd learned from 


e to go in 
[She patted 
was preg- 


an 


T asked. 


said, “is 


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sitting in judgment of so many types of 
Americans over the past decade. 
C 


“is the 


biggest problem." said Metzger 
s. We've fou 
from 18 to maybe 
We hav 
The Dating 


1 out that guys 


of no value 
whatsoever 


Game 


ıd time gettin: 


them for They don't 
know who they arc, where they're going 
where they've been, why they are оп 
this planet.” 

Meuger got out of his chair and im 
personated a bachelor on The Dating 
Game, swinging his arms like ап ape and 
stalking over to the benches where the 
tryouts sit 

"Hey. girls, heh heh. Here I am, let's 
have it 

Then" he 
question.” 

“Huh? Well. er . 7 His body crum- 
pled. his face puckered and he made 
But nothing 


said, “they're asked a 


macho body movements. 
ıt of his mouth 
“The guys turn into turnips.” 
“Luckily,” Friedman said, "about the 
age of 25, things begin to change. About 
that age, men finally begin to say, ‘Hey, 
this is who I am and it's OK. 


сап 


“What about taste?” I asked. a 

couple ever get too raunchy for you 
Friedman held his stomach and 

sroaned. Metzger held his nose and 


е gagging sounds. 
“Agh.” 


“Yuk” 
“Do you remember the dead mice?" 
“Tell me 
“Well, we One 

couple was here answering а question— 

like "Who's 
The ¥ 


tell me." 


couldn't believe it 


somethin neater, you or 


wife? y» something to 
Well. it 


turned out that the dead mice were dirty 


his wife about thc dead mice 


tampons that the girl threw on the floor 
their bed. No kidding. There 
were about 20 of them lying around. the 
guy said, all over the place, amd they 
gathered dust and turned gray. Dead 
mice was what the couple called them. 

. 

But 1 didn't realize just how far Barris 
had strayed Irom the usual gameshow 
lare until 1 went to a Gong Show audi 
tion and got to know some of the con. 
testants. The auditions are held in a 
cavernous rehearsal hall that Barris rents 
in Hollywood, and the very first person 
I met when | went there 
Thompson—a 76-year-old lady dressed 


beside 


was Ann 
in white gloves and a. powder-blue suit. 
She sat primly in the hall outside the 
audition room, waiting her turn before 
Barris, smiling serenely as nervous magi 
cians, torch singers and Phyllis Diller 
housewives fluttered anxiously around 
her. We chatted about how difficult 
was to be old and alone in America and 
she told me about the 


room in Long Beach. where she went 


every Friday n. and meet 
men. “I'm not so popular anymore," she 


said. "The men who are my age are all 


taken up by the women with money." 


When she was called for her audition, 


1 followed her into the studio and heard 
her tell E 
pany herself оп the piano. But he was 
strumming his elec йаг quietly and 
grooving own thoughts and 
didn't seem to listen. Finally, he looked 
up and smiled and said, “Princess Ann? 
Hey—you look wonderful. You've got а 
youre gonna sing, right? OK, let's 
take it all by yourself. solo 

The pianist gave her a ten-second in- 
tro and she walked to the center of the 
lines that marked off the make-believe 
B-Lo-0-0 m-o-0-on. 


that she wanted to 


CCom- 


с 


with his 


son, 


stage and sang 
quavery old lady's voice, very off key. 
When she finished. Barris said, 
“Terrific. You want to be called Princess 
Ann, right?" 

“Well.” Ann said shyly 
was kind of cut 

“Is perfect, 
perfect." 

Then he closed his eyes, bent his knees 
and seemed to get lost 


was 


thought it 


Barris replied. “Just 


n a casual but 


very loud rock'n'roll riff that he im 
provised on his guitar. Finally. he 
strummed a major chord. opened his 


eyes, looked at Ann and said with a 


245 


PLAYBOY 


246 


sweepi 


g gesture of one arm: "You, my 
dear lady, are a Golden Gong Show Act. 

‘Ann beamed with happiness. “Oh, 
Mr. Barris,” she said, “thank you, thank 
you.” 

When Ann and T were out in the hall 
outside the studio once again, she 
dabbed at her eyes, which were misty, 
nd confided, “I figure maybe 1 should 
have been a singer. But I never really 
1 the chance, Isn't that a shame 

1 called her the next day to 
could go to Long Beach and interview 
her. Even though her audition had been 
successful, she was very upset about The 
Gong Show. "| watched the 
TV." she said, "and I don't see why they 
choose some of those acts. They could 
have got better ones, I know they could.” 

“Well, some of them are supposed to 

be bad," 1 said. “You're supposed to 
laugh at them. 
1 don't understand iL" she said. 
Rather than analyze the show right then. 
I suggested that since it was her night to 
go to the Lafayette. Ballroom, perhaps 
we could go togethe 
Whats the matter?” she snapped. 
Are you interested in dancing with old 
men? 

At eight rc, Trived in Long Beach 
«Му, 1 began to think that may 
was more th 


show on 


lor. The address she had given me w: 
that of stately old brick Catholic 
church and it was dark and secure 
locked. When I found it phone book 
number, it rang and rang. 

ng, however, she an- 


swered my call. 

“Oh, Im sorry I gave you that ad 
dress." she said quickly. "But | always 
give people that number. You see, ] 
don't like brown cars.’ 


“They always say. ‘Yes, mı 


їп. yes. 
m." and they 
* She 


ma'am, we'll help yo 

never do. Its the CIA, I guess.” 

sighed, "They come and get you. 
. 

I heard from many people about the 
hi chat happens just before all the acts 
and contestants on а Barris show per- 
form in front of a live audience—about 
the energy that builds in the room where 
the newlyweds, the swinging singles, the 
crazy ladies. the showbiz hopefuls. 
the models and the prostitutes wait for 


their moment on national television. I 
decided to see this chemical reaction for 
mysell—at а Saturday rehearsal and tap- 


g of The Gong Show. 

It begins at nine in the morning and 
ends at 11 that night. Five shows are 
ped and except for actual rehearsals 
with Barris, all of the acts are forbidden 


“They really put on a show at feeding time, don't they?” 


to leave the waiting room. They sit a 
Jong tables, drinking Cokes, sipping cof- 
fee. cating sandwiches and doughnuts 


About four in the afternoon, a pro- 
fessional comic waved me over to his 
table and whispered, "It's about to be- 
gin." I asked him how he knew and һе 
nodded toward a musi who had 
started to warm ир his sopr 
always starts this way," he said. and he 
gestured at all the tables full оГ e: 
pecant people, ready to burst like 
champagne cork into national sta 
“The real musicians begin to jam and 
then it gets very wild." 

Sure enough. the sax man started. im. 

i id a young country 
singer went over with his guitar. The 
two of them started working together 
some more guitars and a clarinet pulled 
up chairs and everyone stopped talking. 
The musicians were really hot. Finally, a 
bubbly middle-aged woman with a large 
star pasted on her forehead and an auto 
p in her arms shouted. "Let's get this 
ing going!” and she started strumm 
until the musicians picked up her tunc. 
Within minutes. everyone іп the room 
was sim: and clapping to a rousing. 
happy. slightly hysterical rendition of 
Goody, Goody. A few gi 
types began to dance and they were 
joined by some black kids who were 

2 group at UCLA and knew the 
disco. Showbiz! It was the kind of mo- 
ment they had all lived out a hundred 
umes belore, in their wildest dreams. 

Then I recognized Ron DeVoe doing 
a high-energy jig off in a corner of the 
room. DeVoe had been pointed out to 
me as “the resident loony.” but 1 was 
told that he had med down consider- 
ably since he first came onto the show; 
he was no longer going up to people 
and making laces at them. When 1 
talked with Ron earlier, he told me that 
The Gong Sh had changed his life 
He was still living in a halfway house, 
but he had a job now—he was a member 
of AFTRA—and Barris Productions 
paid him more than 5900 a week. He 
ls up every Friday to see if they want 
m and if they do, he goes down for a 

Once, he had to get made up 
girl and we 
so freaked out by the experience thar he 
t remember was 
gonged: but, generally, he likes до do 
whatever they dream up. 

“Vm not acing like an asshole any 
7 he told me. “People arc recog- 
nizing me on the streets, Fm Ron DeVoe, 
r of The Gong Show. 
Ron's dance got wilder and wilder 
and while everyone was clapping faster 
and Laster, he moved toward the cen- 
ter ol the room and was joined by 
couple of black kids and a senior citi 
zen dressed up as а bee. The guy with 


tutu and he was 


ar 


whether or not he 


mo 


PLAYBOY 


the sax was really wailing, and when 
they broke into When the Saints Go 
Marching I2, the crowd started to cook 
like a party organizer's dream. 
Not only does Chuck B 


А 
Rolling out the 
over breaklast at the 
the scene of 
pointments. 
about, of course I do. 


We're counti 
on a lot of people who misunderstand 


their own talent. Look, there are four 
types of acts that get gonged. 

“First. there is a group of people who 
don't believe they're being laughed at. 
‘They're too dumb or too blocked 

"Second. there are some people who 
just want to belittle themselves іп а 
masochi: Punish themselves. 
‘They d bless. lm. not 
sure about this category, but 1 think 
something like that going on 
‘Three, there's another group that is 
mply not sure of what they're doing. 
сүте insulated іп their homes and 
get a misconception of what their value 
is. Their families tell them to do it, or 
ends do. They think they are 
talented and creative and they get Беа 
dled out there on the stage. 

‘our, there are people who know 
what The Gong Show is and expect to 
be laughed at. They understand what 
we're doing.” 

You don't have any doubts.” I said, 
“about the ethics of humiliating people 
who misunderstand their talent? 

nyone who takes The Gong Show 
seriously really h; Иле and ought 
he said. "The 
Gong Show is a light, entertaining, out- 
ragcous approach to talent. The name 
says it all. We don't take ourselves seri- 
ously. We know we're not a class show 
s contribution to variety. 
If they think they're at Carnegie Hall. ог 
at the Met, then that's their problem." 

“You couldn't at least warn the crazies 
that they will probably be gongedz" 

"How do we know who we should 


warn? Also, if we didn't have the crazie 
we wouldn't have a show. No one would 
watch y amateur hour, the 
talent good. The show-bu: 


stories of people breaking through a 
а bonus: the heart of our show is 
the crazies. Who am I to say that some 
one shouldn't go on the show if he wants 
to? I've seen people gonged 
the whole experience 
all sorts of confidence.” 
"But Il have to protect c 

people from themselves, to some extent 
"How do you know Fm not crazy? 
Sometimes I wonder if 1 am. jumping 
up and down like an idiot on The Gong 
ng a good 


how 


we 


Show, when I could be май 


тав »acenplay." 


"Come on. I mean the people in cate- 
stories one, two and three." 

"] received a letter yesterday from а 
woman who begged me not to put her 
sister on the show. 


She accused me of 


exploiting her. of all sorts of horrible 
things. But D saw her sister and 1 know 


sh 
pa 
most exci 
Why 
just 
family?” 

Barris gets impatient talking about 
other people. "What I want to know. 
he said, "is why Гт not walking aw 
from the show.” 

“Why aren't you?" 

“I don't know. 

He put his head in his hands and 
stared down into the depths of his 
melon. He ran his fingers through his 
tousled а r and looked up to find 
two men standing over him. They were 
ad salesmen who said they also had an 
ith him for breakfast. He 
id said that his secretary 
didn't usually make those mistakes— 
book two appointments for onc meal— 
but I said 1 had just one more question 
to ask him, so the admen smiled and 
retired to the lobby. 

1 just want to be sure.” I 
arris, “ol your attitude tow 
people who are humiliated by the gong 
IL you like those crazies, why don't you 
warn them 
Who am L" he said, “to tell those 
people what to do? In their context, 
they may not be humiliated. They may 
be delighted, overjoyed. excited, happy 
How can 1 make a character analysis 


is having the time of her life pre 
the show. It’s probably the 
g thing that’s ever happened 
should 1 keep her off the 
because she embarrasses her 


ing for 


show 


niment wi 


that’s clever enough to know if some- 
one will be humi 


ated or not by being 
gonged? | know some of them take The 
Gong Show seriously. I've seen them. But 
that’s their problem, If they can't make 
judgment about The Gong Show, they 


bout 
. 

ny bellwether. television 

up emotionally. 


to hea 


is the least ob- 
Which divorced couple сап 
ue the best? On Three's a Crowd, a 
perfect Barris moment happened vi 
secretary said that everyone in th 
knew that the wife made u 
gheni. The wife grabbed 
wrapped around the secretary's neck 
and tried to strangle her. 

These shows. though they are so per- 
sonal as to be slightly creepy, are not 
After all, we've just | 
through the Seventies. The people who 
get on television want to flaunt the 
vality, make naughty publ 


noxious: 


ssed 


exploitive 


sex- 


statements, 


ny, outrageous, spunky, Barris is 
n tune with the times. 

But the question that still sticks in 
my throat after exploring Barris’ min 
kingdom is the one that T keep asking 
but never get an answer to. What about 


the crazies? 
Perhaps 1 should give the last word 
m this subject to a woman who was 


She is a beautiful Ko- 
ng- 
very 


gonged and hurt 
rean immigrant who doesn't speak 
lish very well. but she learned 
quickly about using and being used. 

Myung Soon looked gorgeous onstage, 
in a long, filmy dress and black hair 
that hung down below her waist. She 
looked like a pro but sang completely 
off key and out of sync with the orches- 
wa. Alter she was gonged. a Barris em 
ployee went up to her sked if she 
were OK. She smiled politely and said 


yes. but I could see her face and knew 
differently 
In her apartment in Bellflower, С: 


fornia, 
she thought she h 


three days later, she told me that 
d been used. A regu 
п the bar where she works as a cocktail 
waitress had encouraged her to go onto 
The Gong Show. Не gave her a telephone 
number to call and said to use his name. 
c tell me he was doing me big 
favor.” Myung said, "but I know now it 
was nothing. That number was in the 
newspaper. But still I think 1 am going 
The one thing | have a deep 
relationship with is music and 1 know 
1 can sing.” She made me some tea. lit 
а joint and put on a record of Misty 
Blue. She stood in her living room, 
closed her eyes and belted out the torch 
full. throaty voice that was 
mostly in the right key. 

When the song ended. she 
me. "E couldn't do it with orchestra 
I guess | couldn't hear it without a 
voice. But Chuck Barris, he didn't саге 
1 told him something was wrong at re- 
hearsal, but h perfect 
st perfect. k he use 
me. He use my beauty. maybe. May 
laugh. I feel very bad." 
You were 
1 said 
his aud 
for my story. 

When you grow up in Kore: 
replied, "you learn that everything about 
America is so big and so good. 1 want to 
come here all my lile, but now I think 
maybe people аге not nice. Now | am 
talking to you will you say? 
If you don’t like something about m 
will you write it down? 
is that if there 
tha 


to win. 


said to 


become a 


using him to 
He was us 


Myung 


id wi 


АП I can sa 
something about me 
t you don’t like, I'm sorry. 1 know 
m a good person. 1 hope you don't use 
me for laugh in yo 


мог 


PLAYBOY 


250 


AMERICAN JAMES BOND ООУ, 


“Compared with his better-bred colleagues, this 
lumpen spy fairly reeked of gaucherie апа naiveté.” 


ned him the decidedly inclegant nick 
name The Pear. Svelter men of greater 
sophistication and charm than he—men 
like Allen Dulles, Richard Helms and 
James Angleton—would dominate thc 
CIA for the next quarter century; but it 
took Harvey, the FBI reject, to spot the 
Sovict spy in their midst. 

Harvey had a fund of knowledge 
about Soviet espionage that was un- 
matched anywhere in the United States 
Government, and he was soon placed in 
charge of a tiny counterintelligence unit 
known as Staff C. "We'd all just gotten 
into the business." a member of Staff C 
said. “Harvey had experience in the 
bureau and had seen more than we had.” 

He “exuded missionary zeal,” said a 
CIA officer named Peter Sichel. The im- 
pression was heightened by a lifelong 
thyroid condition that made his eyes 
bulge—"stand out on stems, practically.” 
one member of Staff C said—as if he 
were a man possessed. Harvey's bricfings, 
punctuated by the ritualistic clicking of 
his cigarette lighter, would last for hours 
as he disgorged almost verbatim the files 
of cases he had worked on. “He had an 
incredible memory for things in which 
he was involved.” a senior officer in the 
agency said. 

"He had everybody sitting on the edge 
a female staff member 


ing speaker but because "he spok 
froglike voice that was at times so low 
that it was very difficult to hea 
As the CIA's leading expert on Soviet 

n 

. but FBI 
agents dealt with him at their own peril 
“We liked Bill and he was one of u: 


ina 


Such bureaucratic jealousies 
particularly petty at a time when the 
United States had come upon new and 
startling evidence of 
Through a combination of good luck, 
hard work and Russian carelessness, the 
Armed Forces Security Agency had suc- 
ceeded in breaking the theoretically un- 
break t cipher. Among other 
things, the break disclosed the existence 
of a Soviet spy so well placed he could 
obtain the word-for-word text of а pri 
vate telegram Irom Winston Churchill 
to Harry Truman 

Midway through World War Two. a 
gifted team of American cryptanalysts 
d mounted an attack against the Rus- 


sian cipher system, using as their basic 
weapon the charred remnants of a Soviet 
code book that had been salvaged from 
а battlefield in Finland. The book con- 


tained а list of 999 five-digit code groups, 
ch one representing a different letter, 
г phrase. A large por 


word 


ion of the 
and what 
remained seemed of litle value, since 
the Soviets employed a system of super- 

ipherment in which random numeri- 
cal values were added to the original 
five-digit code groups. Since cach code 
group used a different additive, the effect. 
was an infinity of codes. 

To the American cryptanalysts, who 
had already mastered the intricacies of 
Japan's top diplomatic code, mere super- 
encipherment did not pose an insur 
mountable obstacle. Through collateral 
intelligence, they could sometimes haz- 
ard an educated guess about the subject 
matter. But without a key to the con- 
stantly changing additive, the over-all 
system was still unbreakable—and would 
have remained so had not the Russians 
committed a colossal blunder. 

Amid the confusion of war, Moscow 
had sent out duplicate sets of additives 
to various Soviet installations around the 
world. When the cryptanalysts discov- 
ered that 
had been used more than once, they had 
all the leverage they needed to break 
the Soviet cipher system. Having used 
guesswork to deduce the additives for 
Soviet message intercepted in one part 
of the world, they could test those same 
additives against the massive backlog of 
messages intercepted іп other parts of 
the world. Sooner or later, the same ones 
would appear and another message could 
be deciphered. It was ап excruciatingly 
tedious task with less than perfect results. 

One of the first Soviet spies to be 
undone by the code break was the Ger- 
man-born physicist Klaus Fuchs. On 
February 1, 1950, Hoover informed the 
White House that “we have just gotten 
word from England that we have gotten 
a full confession from one of the top 
scientists, who worked over here, that he 
gave the complete know-how of the atom 
bomb to the Russians.” 

In his confession, Fuchs said his Amer- 
n contact had been a chemist named 
“Raymond.” Asked to pick out Raymond 
from a series of mug shots, Fuchs point- 
ed to a picture of Harry Gold. a natu- 
ralized American ci Russian 
parentage. Gold gave a complete con- 
fession that led ulti Test, 


the same series of additives 


en of 


conviction and execution of Julius and 
Ethel Rosenberg. 

The trial of the Rosenbergs would 
become one of the most disputed court 
cases of the century, іп part because the 
Government, hoping to protect its most 
secret source, never introduced one of 
the most damaging pieces of evidence 
nst them: the decoded traffic. from 
the New York-to-Moscow channel. The 
Rosenbergs were identified in the шайс 
only by cryptonyms, but the picture that 
emerged of a husband-and-wife team of 
agents marched them precisely, even 
down to the fact that the woma 
er was a part of the plot. At the ir 
Ethel’s brother, David Greenglass. who 
had worked on the bomb at Los Alamos. 
the chief prosecution witness, having 
admitted his role in return for leniency 

If made public, the evidence con- 
tained їп the intercepts would have 
stilled much of the controversy surround- 
ig not only the Rosenberg trial but 
several other espionage cases as well. 
Sometimes the evidence fell short of con- 
псіпе: other times, however. it was 
convincing beyond doubt, as when Mos- 
cow changed its agents’ cryptonyms by 
transmitting а message listing both th 
true identities and their new cryptonyms. 

The breaking of the Soviet cipher 
could have tipped the scales of the secret 
war in favor of the West as surely as had 
thec he German Enigma code 
in World War Two. In 1018. however, 
the Soviets suddenly modified their ci- 
pher system in a way that made it once 
in unbreakable. Two years later. in- 
vestigators discovered that the Soviets 
had been alerted to the code break by 
William Weisband, a disloyal employee 
of the Armed Forces Security Agency. 
The man who bewayed America’s ult 
secret was never prosecuted for his crime. 
since a public trial would have required 
revelation of the code break. Instead. 
Weisband was sentenced to one year in 
jail for [ailing to answer a summons to 
appear before a grand jury 

Astoundingly, the British ofheer as- 
signed to work with the FBI in tacking 
down the Soviet spies whose cryptonyms 
appeared in the trafic was Kim Philby. 
gent of MIG. the British со 
s also а Soviet spy. 
ht was а logical опе, 
е been in charge of 
British counterintelligence | operations 
ainst the Soviet Union. In retrospect. 
seemed possible that Philby's Soviet 
handlers had instructed him to engineer 
his assignment to Washington after they 
learned about the code break from Weis. 
band. Whether by accident or by desi 
Russian intelligence was 
the FBI's efforts to unr 
spy nets. 

The FBI's sea the Soviet agent 
who had stolen the Chure 


His assig 
since he 1 


ble to monitor 


usband! ... My best friend! . .. My соЦеретооттше!... 
tennis instructor! ... My decorator! .. My real-estate agent! ... Му 
hairdresser! . . . My tarol-card reader!” 


PLAYBOY 


telegram had dragged on for the better 
part of two ycars with no break in sight. 
“We had received some dozen reports 
referring to the source, who appcared in 
the documents under the code name 
Homer, but little progress had been 
made toward identifying him," Philby 
later wrote in his memoirs. Philby knew 
who Homcr was and could gauge ex- 
actly how close the investigators were 
coming. All the while, cryptanalysts con- 
tinued to pore over the intercepts, 
scarching for some clue that might give 
Homer's identity away. Philby received 
drop copies of the messages as they were 
decoded by the Armed Forces Security 
Agency, and it must have been chilling 
for him to see his own Soviet cryptonym 
appear in the decoded material. How 
long would it be until some reference in 
the traffic gave his own identity away? As 
it turned out, a dinner party Philby gave 
in the spring of 1951 would do as much 
harm to his cause as the intercepts. 

Libby Harvey, as was increasingly her 
habit, had had too much to drink. “This 
is god-awful," she proclaimed in a loud 
voice, jabbing at the roast beef on 
her plate. Her dinner partner, Robert 
Lamphere of the FBI, tried without suc- 
cess to shush her. She was right about 
the roast becf, though. It was cold. 
Philby had let the cocktail hour go too 
long, and that had dene neither the 
roast beef nor Libby any good. 

Libby was poised at the top of a long 
slide into alcoholism. Her sister back in 
Kentucky blamed it on the "highfalutin 
socicty in Washington." 

One of Harvey's CIA colleagues said 
the same thing from a different perspec- 
tive. "Libby was an awfully nice girl who 
came from humble origins. He started 
to move up in the world. He moved too 
fast for Libby. She couldn't keep up." 
‘That statement had an unintended dou- 
ble-entendre, for Harvey had acquired a 
considerable reputation as a skirt chaser. 

One of Libby's friends in Kentucky 
claimed that Harvey plied his wife with 
liquor in order to keep her submissive 
while he went about his extramarital 
activities. "He fed it to her,” Libby's 
friend said with undisguised venom. An- 
other friend said that Libby drank only 
to keep pace with her husband, who had 
his own drinking problem. According to 
Philby, "The first time [Harvey] dined 
at my house . . . he fell asleep over the 
coffee and sat snoring gently until mid- 
night, when his wife took him away, 
saying, "Come, now. Daddy. it's time you 
were іп bed’ " The second time the Har- 
veys dined at Philby's, it would have 
been a merciful blessing had Libby fall- 
en asleep over her roast beef. 

Dinner over, Philby and his guests 
adjourned to the living room for more 
drinking. Sensing that the evening was 
getting out of hand, Lamphere said his 


252 goodbyes as soon as decency permitted, 


old friend and house guest, the out- 
rageous Guy Burgess. In 1950, Burgess 
had been assigned to the British embassy 
in Washington as a second secretary, and 
Philby had taken him into his house. 
Now, after barely a year in Washington, 
Burgess was on the verge of being re- 
called to London for abusing his dip- 
lomatic privileges. 

Outrageous though he was, Burgess 
was too irrepressible and too witty to 
be ignored. He had a reputation as a 
caricaturist and was fond of telling how 
he had drawn a sketch of a wartime 
meeting of the British admiralty that 
had to be classified top secret. The be- 
sotted Libby fulfilled Lamphere's pre- 
monition of disaster by begging Burgess 
to sketch her. He obliged with ап ob- 
scene cartoon of Libby, legs spread, dress 
hiked above her waist and crotch bared. 
Harvey swung at Burgess and missed. 
The party was about to degenerate into 
a drunken brawl A friend quickly 
steered Harvey to the door and walked 
him around the block to cool off while 
Libby regained her composure. Burgess 
continued as though nothing had hap- 
pened. The evening ended without fur- 
ther violence and the guests staggered 
off into the night. The entire incident 
ht have been blessedly forgotten, had. 
it not crossed paths with the search for 
source Homer. 

‘The cryptanalysts had at last suc- 
ceeded in breaking out a solid lead from 
the intercepts: Homer had met with his 
Soviet contact twice a week in New York. 
The pattern of activity corresponded 
precisely with that of Donald Maclean, 
the former second secretary in the Brit- 
ish embassy. During his stay in Wash- 
ington, Maclean had traveled to New 
York twice a week to visit his pregnant 
wife, Melinda, who was staying with her 
Amcrican mother. 

When he first fell under suspicion in 
the spring of 1951, Maclean was head of 
the Foreign Office's American Depart- 
ment in London. He was placed under 
surveillance and denied further access to 
sensitive documents. Meanwhile, Burgess 
had arrived in London to face a disci- 
plinary board for his indiscretions in the 
United States. The two were seen lunch- 
ing together on several occasions. 

On Friday morning, May 95, 1951, 
the Foreign Office authorized M15, the 
British equivalent of the FBI, to inter- 
rogate Madean the following Monday. 
At almost precisely (һе same moment, 
Burgess was telling a young companion 
he had picked up during his transatlan- 
tic crossing that they might have to scrap 
their plans for a weekend in France, “А 
young friend of mine in the Foreign 
Office is in serious trouble," he said. "I 
am the only one who can help him." 
‘That afternoon, Burgess rented ап Aus- 
tin and drove to Madean's home in the 


outlying suburb of Tatsfield. MI5 sleuths 
tailed Maclean as he left his offices in 
Whitehall and walked to the Charing 
Cross station to catch the 5:19 train, but 
they dropped their surveillance there. At 
11:45 that night, Burgess and Maclean 
pulled up to the slip at Southampton 
and boarded the cross-Channel night 
boat for Saint-Malo. A sailor shouted 
after them, asking what they planned to 
do about the Austin left on the pier. 
“Back on Monday,” they called. Later, a 
taxicab driver testified that he had driv- 
en two men resembling Burgess and 
Maclean from Saint-Malo to Rennes, 
where he thought they had caught a 
train for Paris. They were not seen again 
until 1956, when they appeared at a 
press conference in Moscow. 

Philby later wrote in his memoirs that 
it was from Geoffrey Paterson, the MI5 
representative in Washington, that he 
first learned that Burgess and Maclean 
were missing. “Тһе bird has flown,” he 
quoted Paterson as saying. 

“What bird?” Philby asked, knowing 
full well. “Not Madean?” he said with 
appropriate consternation. 

"Yes," Paterson replied, "but there's 
worse than that . . . Guy Burgess has 
gone with him.” 

“At that" Philby subsequently re- 
counted, “my consternation was no pre- 
tense.” His last words to Burgess when 
seeing him off for London had heen. 
"Don't you go, too.” But Burgess had 
gone anyway and, in doing so, had 
linked Philby to the case as one of the 
handful of people who both knew Bur- 
gess and were aware of the suspicions 
against Maclean. 

‘The CIA's dilemma was only slightly 
less perplexing than Philbys. The 
agency could not comíortably share its 
secrets with somcone so indiscreet as to 
open his house to the egregious Burgess. 
Yet the mere fact that Philby had be- 
friended Burgess hardly scemed sufficient 
ground upon which to repudiate the 
official representative of M16, embitter- 
ing relations with the British and, in the 
bargain, damaging a man's career—a 
brilliant one, at that. But Bedell Smith, 
the new director of the CIA, confronted 
the problem head on. He began by di- 
recting every agent who had known 
Burgess to write down everything he 
knew about the missing diplomat. 

Harvey would later tell friends that it 
had come to him as he sat stalled in 
traffic one morning on his way to work. 
‘That moment in which the anomalies in 
Philby's career resolved into a pattern 
of betrayal where others could sce only 
untoward coincidence had been hard 
earned. It had come from years of work- 
ing with the files, so that an isolated 
incident could lodge somewhere in the 
back of his mind to be recalled when 
new developments suddenly gave it 
meaning. It had come from the Bentley 


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PLAYBOY 


254 


апа Hiss cases, which had convinced him 
that good breeding was not a bar to 
treason—and, in fact, was a positive in- 
centive. It had come from the social 
snubs, real or imagined, that fed his dis- 
trust of the establishment. And, finally, 
it had come from the obscene insult to 
his wife, which had fixed the relation- 
shipof Philby and Burgess with outraged 
clarity in his mind. 

Smith forwarded Harveys memo to 
MI6 in London with a cover letter stat- 
ing that Philby was no longer welcome 
as the British liaison officer in Washing- 
ton. Working from Harvey's premise, 
МІ5 compiled a dossier against Philby, 
listing his left-wing youth, his sudden 
conversion to fascism, the flight of Bur- 
gess and Maclean and much more. 
have toted up the ledger and the debits 
outnumber the assets," the head of MIS 
informed the CIA. 

In July of 1951, President Dwight 
Eisenhower directed Lieutenant General 
James Doolittle to undertake "a com- 
prehensive study of the covert activities 
of the Central Intelligence Agency” and 
to “make any recommendations calcu- 
lated to improve the conduct of these 
operations." Two months later, Doolittle 
handed Eisenhower a 69-page topsecret 
report that confirmed what everybody 
then realized: The CIA was losing the 
secret war against the K.G.B. 

Doolittle recommended a number of 
specific remedies; more fundamentally, 
he urged the CIA to become “more ruth- 
less" than the K.G.B. "If the United 
States is to survive, longstanding Amer- 
ісап concepts of 'fair play must be ге- 
considered," he said. The Doolittle 
report foreshadowed much of what 
the CIA, and Harvey in particular, 
would undertake in the ensuing years. 
Harvey had already been named chief of 
the CIA’s base in Berlin and was hard at 
work on a "technical avenue of approach 
to the intelligence problem.” 

Harveys first overseas assignment 
marked a merciful end to his increasing- 
ly unhappy life with Libby. Their mar- 
riage was breaking under the strain ОЁ 
his infidelity and her drinking, and on 
more than one occasion had degenerated 
into physical violence. He would fly into 
a rage, “throw glasses, card table, any- 
thing he could pick up,” Libby testified 
during the divorce proceedings. She 
went home to Kentucky and Harvey 
escaped with their five-year-old adopted 
son to Berlin, 

Soon after the divorce became final, 
Harvey married a WAC major named 
Clara Grace Follich, whom he had met 
at the CIA station in Frankfurt. The 
newlyweds adopted a daughter, ап in- 
fant who had been left on the doorstep 
of another CIA officer's home by an East 
German woman who wanted her child to 
grow up free. Harvey's friends kidded 
him that his daughter was the ultimate 


Soviet penetration agent. “Is this kid 
wired?" they cracked. 

“Knock it off,” he grumbled. 

If Harvey's reputation preceded him 
to Berlin, he did not disappoint. His 
drinking would become legend during 
his years there, and his capacity, like h 
growing bulk, was enormous. On a trip 
to Copenhagen, he checked in at the 
Hotel D'Angleterre in midafternoon and 
waited at the bar to meet the local sta- 
tion chief for dinner. The station chief 
arrived to find the bartender staring in 
wonder as Harvey downed his seventh 
double martini. They adjourned to the 
dining room, where Harvey ordered an- 
other round and wine with dinner. At 
home, he served his guests martinis in 
water goblets. 

The action in Berlin was wide open 
and rough. The walls of Harvey's office 
were lined with racks of firearms, and a 
thermite bomb perched atop each safe, 
ready for the emergency destruction of 
files in the event of a Russian invasion. 
When Harvey arrived in that wild West 
of espionage, he ordered all CIA officers 
to carry sidearms when conducting oper- 
‘ions, He himself "kept three or four 
in his desk and never fewer than two on 
him." At a square-dancing party one 
warm summer evening in Berlin, Harvey 
was perspiring profusely under a heavy 
tweed sports jacket but rejected all sug- 
gestions that he take it off. “Can't.” he 
growled, flipping open the jacket to re- 
veal a pearl-handled revolver strapped 
under each sweaty armpit. Why not 
check the guns at the door? one of the 
gaping onlookers asked. "Can't," Harvey 
growled again. “When you need ‘em, 
you need ‘em in а hurry. 

То most of his colleagues, Harvey's 
guns seemed like so much braggadocio 
Or window dressing, a melodramatic 
exaggeration of the dangers he faced. 
Others saw them as a hangover from his 
FBI days that did not belong in the 
subtler and more sophisticated world of 
espionage. Shortly after he arrived in 
Berlin, Harvey was visited by Frank 
Wisner, head oí the CIA's clandestine 
services, who asked to be taken to meet 
the mayor. Wisner squeezed into the 
back seat of Harvey's car with Mike 
Burke and Tracy Barnes of the Frank- 
furt station. Harvey got bchind the 
wheel with a gun jammed in his belt, 
turned to an aide sitting next to him 
and barked, "Finger the turns"—FBI 
lingo meaning point the way. "It was 
like a grade-C movie,” Burke related. 

Later, when Wisner was preparing to 
return to Washington aboard an ocean 
liner, he received a bon voyage telegram 
from Barnes saying, "Don't forget to 
finger the terns"—meaning gulls. 

"The same men who enjoyed their bons 
mots at Harvey's expense had put him 
where he was, and Berlin during the 
Fifties was the front line of the secret 
war between the CIA and the K.G.B.— 


and the site of the most daring foray in 
the secret war. Carl Nelson of the CIA's 
Office of Communications had recently 
made a discovery that promised to yield 
the biggest intelligence bonanza since 
the wartime code break that had uncov- 
егей source Homer. Nelson had invented 
а way to tap into Soviet telephone and 
telegraph lines and monitor the traffic, 
not in its encoded form but in plain 
text. Very simply, he had discovered that 
as the Soviet cipher machine electrically 
encrypted a message from the clear text 
to a meaningless jumble of letters, it 
gave off faint echoes—Nelson called 
them transients or artifacts—of the clear 
text, which traveled along the wire with 
the enciphered message. 

The CIA moved rapidly to exploit 

Nelson’s discovery in Berlin that, second 
only to Moscow, was the hub of the 
Soviet communications system. The only 
way to reach the Soviet land lines in 
East Berlin was via a tunnel that would 
have to originate in the western sector 
and burrow hundreds of yards across a 
heavily patrolled border into the eastern 
half of the city. No one had ever at- 
tempted anything like it. British intelli- 
gence had some experience in the highly 
specialized art of vertical tunneling and 
had developed a method for digging 
upward through soft soil without having 
the roof collapse. For this operation. the 
Americans and the British wonld have 
to pool their resources, The project was 
code-named GOLD and Harvey was 
ed in over-all command. 
The cables made their closest ap- 
proach to Western territory at the city's 
extreme southern edge, a sparsely settled 
expanse of farm land and refugee shacks 
known as Altglienecke. Still 1000 feet 
from the border, they lay just 18 inches 
beneath a drainage ditch on the far side 
of Schénefelder Chaussee, a heavily trav- 
eled highway linking the main Soviet air 
base in Germany with East Berlin. 

Harvey flew back to Washington to 
brief Dulles, Wisner, Helms and other 
senior agency officials on the plan. 
“There were those who manifested reser- 

i a CIA document noted dryly, 
but those reservations paled in the face 
of Harvey's fervor. "Without Harvey 
there would have been no tunnel.” one 
officer said. “Тһе easy thing was to say 
no and be on the safe side and not take 
a chance, but Harvey would keep badg- 
ering the chiefs, stripping away their 
objections 

Early іп 1954, two teams of Army 
engineers began work on the tunnel at 
sites 6000 miles apart. In Berlin, à Corps 
of Engineers unit started construction of 
а warehouse directly over the spot cho- 
sen for the mouth of the tu 
Me: , at the WI Missile 
Proving Ground, 16 hand-picked Army 
scrgcants sank a test tunnel in the desert. 

"The commander of the engineers in 


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Berlin could not understand why a 
warehouse had to have a basement with 
а 12-foot ceiling. In the strictest of con- 
fidence, Washington explained that he 
was not really building a warehouse but 
a radarintercept station designed to 
look like one. Washington did not ех- 
plain that no sooner would the basement 
be finished than another crew of engi- 
neers would start to fill it in with the 
3100 tons of dirt that would be produced 
by a tunnel 1476 feet long and six and a 
half feet in diameter. 

In New Mexico, the crew of 16 ser- 
geants successfully completed a 450-foot 
test tunnel through soil of approximate- 
ly the same composition as in Berlin. 
Abandoning the New Mexico tunnel, 
they flew to Richmond, Virginia, where 
the material needed for Operation 
GOLD was being assembled in a real Ar- 
my warehouse. The 125 tons of steel liner 
plates that would be bolted together to 
form the tunnel walls were sprayed with 
a rubberized coating to prevent them 
from clanging during construction. All 
the equipment was packed in crates la- 
beled sPARE PARTS and OFFICE SUPPLIES, 
shipped by sea to the German port of 
Bremerhaven, placed aboard the reg. 
ularly scheduled supply train for Berlin 
and, finally, trucked to the new ware- 
house in Altglienecke. 

By August of 1954, the warehouse was 
rcady. Thc ground floor was stockcd to 
capacity with crates of "spare parts" and 
“office supplies" Below, the cavernous 
basement stood empty, waiting to be 
filled with dirt. 

Starting from a point in the eastern- 
most corner of the warehouse basement, 
the soldiers sank a vertical shaft 18 feet 
in diameter to a depth of 20 feet, then 
drove pilings halfway into the floor of 
the shaft. Next, a steel ring six and a 
half feet in diameter and fitted with 
hydraulic jacks around its circumference 
was lowered into place. Braced against 
the exposed section of the pilings, the 
ring, or "shield," was fitted flush against 
the tunnel’s face. Everything was then 
ready for the long subterranean journey 
eastward toward Schénefelder Chaussee. 

Three men attacked the tunnel face 
with pick and shovel. After excavating 
to a depth of two inches, they shoved 
the shield forward by jacking it against 
the pilings. Over and over again, the 
process was repeated: Excavate, jack for- 
ward, excavate, jack forward. After ad- 
vancing a foot, the diggers were able to 
bolt the first ring of steel liner plate into 
place. After another foot of progress, a 
second ring of liner plate. Plugs in the 
face of each plate were uncapped and 
mortar was pumped under pressure to 
fill any voids between the tunnel walls 
and the surrounding earth, leaving no 
room for "slump." 

The sergeants worked in eight-hour 


“Well...wh...no, your Eminence ... it’s not 


exactly a flying machine. 


257 


PLAYBOY 


shifts round the dock—three men at the 
face with pick and shovel, two loading 
ihe spoil into a box that was picked up 
by a forklift and hauled back to the 
mouth of the tunnel where a winch 
raised it to the basement. Some was 
packed in sandbags and stacked along 
Ше sides of the tunnel. Ventilation ducts 
were placed on top of the sandbags, 
bringing a stream of chilled air to the 
sweating men at the tunnel face. 

The tunnel was completed on Feb- 
ruary 25, 1955, a long, thin catheter 
ready to draw off the secrets of the Soviet 
military command in Berlin. Harvey 
walked along its length until he stood di- 
rectly beneath the Schónefelder Chaus- 
sec. The final 50 feet were separated from 
the rest of the tunnel by a heavy door of 
steel and concrete designated against the 
inevitable day the operation would be 
blown and the Vopos would come storm- 
ing through. At Harvey's instruction, the 
door bore a neatly lettered inscription 
that warned in both German and Rus- 
Sian: ENTRY IS FORBIDDEN BY ORDER OF 
THE COMMANDING GENERAL. 

Now it was up to the British to install 
the taps. A second shield was brought in 
to dig the vertical shaft up to the cables. 
The technique was the same as before, 
except that the face of the shield was 
fitted with slats to keep the ceiling of 
the shaft from cashing down on the 
workmen. Finally, three black rubber- 
sheathed cables, each one as thick as a 
man's arm, emerged from the ceiling. 
With the help of a hydraulic jack, ey 
were pulled downward into the tap 
chamber, so that the technicians could 
have some headroom in which to work. 
The British technicians painstakingly 
clipped wires to the rainbow of color- 
coded circuits at their finger tips. The 
wires carried the signal down to banks 
of amplifiers in the tunnel and back up 
to rejoin the circuit. 

Processing the take was a task of stag- 
gering proportions, The three cables 
contained a total of 172 circuits carrying 
a minimum of 18 channels each. Record- 
ings of the telegraph circuits were flown 
to Washington, where Nelson's inven- 
tion could sort out the plain-text arti- 
facts from the encoded signals. Tapes of 
phone conversations went to London, 
where a team of White Russian émigrés 
waited to translate them. In Washington, 
the tapes were delivered to building 
1-32, one of the World War Two 
"tempos" that disfigured the Mall. The 
floors of T-32, known as “the Hosiery 
Mill” because of the many strands of 
communications intelligence that came 
together there, sagged under the weight 
of the machinery assembled to process 
the tapes. 

The heart of the system was “the bum- 
blebee," so called because, like the real 
bumblebee, all the laws of physics de- 


258 creed that it would never get off the 


The “American Jomes Bond” was na 
one's leading man—except in the CIA's 
war with the K.G.B. At left, William K. 
Harvey's FBI photo; of right, he and 
first wife, Libby, with a young niece. 


ish intelligence officer Kim 
fied by Harvey os a So- 
Бу later defected to Russia. 


After 11 months, Harvey's Berlin tunnel 
was finally capped with this sign: you 
ARE NOW ENTERING THE AMERICAN SECTOR. 


Harvey enlisted mofioso Johnny Roselli 
to kill Castro. Here, Roselli leaves after 
testifying at the 1975 Senate hearings. 


ground. The bumblebee played the tapes 


at 60 inches per second, four times the 
speed at which the ciptured signals had 
originally been transmitted, breaking 


down Ше 18 channels of each circ it into 
separate recordings—"demuxing, 
communicators’ jargon. The 18 separate 
recordings were then placed on slow- 
speed recorders linked to teletype ma- 
chines that printed out the message in 
с text at 100 words per п 
printed messages, sull in their original 
Russian or German, were ripped from 
the teletypes and hand-carried to transla- 
tors and analysts on the floors аром 

On April 21, 1956, the microphone іп 
the tap chamber picked up an alarming 
sound—voices exdaiming at what had 
been found. A CIA document ati 
the discovery to “unfortunate 
stances beyond our control—a combina- 
tion of the fact that one of the cables 
was in very poor physical condition . . . 
and a long period of unusually heavy 
rainfall. It appeared that water entcred 
the cable in sufficient quantity to make 
it inoperative, thus necessitating digging 
up sections of the cable and causing 
discovery of the tap." 

But for 11 months and 11 days, the 
tunnel had kept on the Soviet pulse. The 
Russian army could not have made a 
military move anywhere in Europe with- 
out tipping its hand via the tunnel. 
When the CIA was set up in 1947, Secre- 
tary of State George Marshall was report- 
ей to have said, "I don't care what the 
CIA does. All I want from them is 24 
hours’ notice of a Soviet attack." Har- 
vey's Hole, as the tunnel became known, 
had put the CIA in a position to do just 
that, and had done it at a time when the 
agency had virtually no other assets be- 
hind the Iron Curtain. 

At a secret ceremony, Dulles singled 
out Harvey for special praise and award- 
ed him the Distinguished Intelligence 
Medal. It was a moment to savor as 
Dulles heartily slapped him on the back 
for a job well done. In the years since 
Harvey had been cashiered from the FBI, 
he had earned a reputation as America’s 
top spy, the man who had both uncov- 
ered Kim Philby, the K.G.B.s most 
valued penetration of the West, and 
overseen Operation GOLD, the CIA's 
most valued penetration of the iron 
Curtain. But for William Harvey, life 
would never again be so sweet. 

Over Christmas of 1960, a Polish in- 
telligence officer named Michael Co- 
leniewski crossed into West Berlin and 
into the waiting arms of the CIA. 
Goleniewski had planned his defection 
well. In the months before his flight from 
Warsaw, he had stashed hundreds of 
pages of photographed documents in a 
hollow tree trunk. By defecting at the 
start of the long Christmas holiday, he 
had given himself and the CIA a few 
extra days before his absence would be 


Ford 9995 


to the "first 999 


collectors. 
So don't expect to see this ad again. 


From Rio—The finest name 
in automotive miniatures. 

The Barney Oldfield Ford 999 is just one 
of 69 models in the Rio collection of vintage 
automolive metal miniatures. 

Names that live on ав legends— 
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Suiza, Rolls Royce—are reproduced with 
exquisite care іп 1:43 scale. The average 
Rio car consists of over 70 components. 
Each one has fine enamel finish, is oven- 
baked and is assembled by hand in Italy. 


They have doubled 
in value in five years. 

For Rio Vintage Automotive miniatures 
are not toys. They are collectible and very 
rare tributes to the original cars that inspired 
hem. Aminiature built with such care takes 
considerable production skill and time. In 
fact, less than 100,000 cars a year are good 
enough to leave the Rio faclory About 
12,0002 year come to the U S. through their 
exclusive importer, Model Expo. That means 
only a few hundred examples of each model 
are available to the wholecountry each year. 


Why are we giving away 
something worth $15. 

Youd think an item as rare as this would 
Бе the last thing we'd want to give away. 
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your free Barney Oldfield Ford 999, youll 
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entire Rio collection. 

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lectors piece 


Obviously, this is not а privilege we can 
extend to everyone. That's why you're only 
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999 people who decide to become col- 
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depending on the model. The majority are 
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To become a Rio collector complete the 
application form, send us your credit card 
authorization or chock for $20 to buy tho 
first model, and well send you your free 
Barney Oldfield Ford 999. Please assist us 
with $1 for postage and handling 

Within 30 days of receiving your applica- 
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Barney Oldfield 999 The first selection you 
receive will be one of the models pictured 
below and will be sent on the basis of avail- 
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tion. Every 30 days thereafter you can look 
forward to receiving a different Rio 
selection 

Please apply now, because we are 
definitely limited to 999 collectors. 


Our guarantee 

The application form you submit does not 
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you to payment and purchase of one Rio 
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any time 

If within 30 days you are not totally satis- 
fied with any Rio car you receive, well be 
happy to return your money in full. 


Rio-ltem No. 69 


Кылт a e min | 


Model Expo. Inc., 23 Just Road 
Fairfield, New Jersey 07006 


Yes. | want to be a Rio collector! 
Enclosed із 51 to cover postage anc 
handling for the Rio #69 Barney Cidtield 
Ford 999 which you will send to me аз а 
free gift when | send payment for my first 
Rio selection. 1 understand that 1 can only 
receive а free Barney Oldfield Ford 999 
once 1 have ordered and paid for a subse- 
quent selection 
Û 1 authorize you by my signature to bill 
my first as well as subsequent selec- 
tions to my credit card at $20 each 
during 1980. 

Credit Card Û American Express 


i 
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| ГІ Mastercharge Û Visa 
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Signature 


(1 1 prefer to pay by check or money order. 
1 enclose 51 for postage and handling 
plus S20 for my next Rio car, for a total 
of 521. | understand that 1 will be billed 
prior to shipment of each subsequent 
monthly selection 


prece a елы: 
ment at any time by requesting in writ 
thet no more selections be sent to me 30 


I 
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bemeasured from the date of the postmark 


Name 
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1 also understand that my application 

|. form as well as any check or credit card 
| authorization will be retumed il 999 ap- 

plications prior to my Own are received by 
І Model Expo Inc. The 999 will be selected 
1 onthe basis ot the first 999 received 
L 


ws 


PLAYBOY 


WS 


“Penalties against possession 


of a drug should not be more 
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the use of the drug itself. 


quem mmm ل‎ шы на шш шш ны пы иш ше шш! ме иш ши ше ше иш 


П Give justice a hand... 


i [ш] YES. Here's my $15 annual membership fee 

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. .. The National Commission on 

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"Therefore, | support legislation 
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— President Jimmy Carter 
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noted and the alarm sounded—time 
enough to signal the lone CIA man 
Warsaw to empty the hollow tree. 

Spirited away to a CIA sale house 
a suburb of Washington, Goleniewski 
told his interrogators about a Soviet spy 
inside the MIG (British Intelligence) in 
Berlin. a lead that aroused suspi 
against one George Blake. 
Over Easter of 1961, Blake was re 
lled to London for questioning. “Blake 
broke at a time when there was hardly 
another question left to ask him." one 
CIA officer said. “И Blake had held out, 
they would not have had а case.” After a 
brief trial. conducted almost entirely in 
secret, Blake was sentenced to 42 years 
in prison. one of the longest. sentences 
ever handed down by a British court. 
The information that Blake had. passed 
on to the Russians "has rendered much 
of this country’s efforts completely use- 
less." the judge said. 

William Harvey didn't need a British 
idge to that. In December 
ta conference table 


nd discussed. plans for the 
Berlin tunnel with his British counter- 
paris while Blake kept the official min- 


utes of the meeting. "He knew every 


we were doing,” 


. 
By 1961. Harvey had been r 

to CIA headquarters as h 

a small agency component responsible 


for communie tercepts. There. at 
the direction of Richard Bissell. the 
head of the CI's clandestine. services. 


tion of 

Bissell called it “executive action. 
Harvey called it “the magic button" and 
the “last resort beyond last resort and. 
confession of weakness.” He made a note 
to himself never to call it by true 
name ever mention word assassin: 
tion." he scribbled. 

The CIA had tried to kill Fidel 
at the time ol the ol Pigs i 
but the attempt had disi 
what one of the plotters ca 
stone comedy 

equirements were lid down for 

veys operation, “Maximum secu 
nd “nonattributability” were the pri 
mary guidelines specified in the execu- 
tiveaction file. "KUBARK only." the 
file commanded, employing the crypto- 
nym used internally to identily the CLA. 

The first step would be the "search — 


a Key- 
ci." Much more singent 
Har- 


to find and recruit ad sin. 
KUTUBE/D, the agency's eryptonym for 
Stall D, was already conducting а search 


for agents who could be recruited to 
steal the code books of other nau 
TI 


1%. 
t would be used as the cover for the 
ch for killer, The KUTUBE/D 
en given the code name 
. which, now that it served the 
ends of executive action, was an appro- 
priate description of what was involved. 


To conduct the search, Harvey already 
had the perfect asset. According to one 
of his CIA handlers, the man code- 
named QJ/WIN was capable of any 
thing. A CIA memo said that he was 
recruited in Frankfurt November 1, 1960, 
to undertake a one-shot mission to the 
Belgian Congo. a mission. that. "poten- 
ially involved. great risk." The memo 
was characteristically vague about what 
exactly the mission had been, though the 
thor m ve chuckled over his reb- 
erence to “one-shot.” since other doa 
nts left no doubt that WEN had been 

tched to arrange "the assassinati 
Patrice Lumumba.” Lumumba had 
died exactly as the CIA planned. but the 
ney for all its scheming was not ve- 
sponsible, It had not had such good 
luck with Castro, and Bissell hoped 
Harvey could change that. 

ZR/RIFLE was only a small. portion 
of what the Kennedy Admi 
proposed to throw against Castro, A v 
јог new covertaction program would 
revolution inside Cuba. Agents 
oce W would be in- 
flirted to make contact with what few 
pockets of political resistance remai 
ter the Bay of Pi nd to build an 
surgent movement gradually that 
would gather suppor 
creasingly disgruntled 
mismanagement of the economy. a mis- 
ma ment nd 
nomic warlare waged overtly 
trade embargo and covertly with si 
tage. The program would require 
Governmentwide effort. for which the 
President's brother, according to а White 
House memo. “would be the most elec 


tive commande 


Instead, Kennedy chose as his Cuba 
commander Brigadier General Edward 
Lansdale, a CIA operative who had 
lought against Communist insurgents in 
the Philippines and Vietnam. Lansdale 
was a romantic figure of considerable 
proportions—the stuff of which two nov- 
els, Graham Стсепе The Quiet Ameri 
can and William Ledever’s The Ugly 
American, were made. 

To oversee Lansdale, a spe 
was formed, cl 
military representative. Gener 
well Taylor, and including 
security advisor. McGeorge Bundy 
CIA director John McCone. among oth 
ers. The panel was augmented by one 
er member, the President's. brother. 
Bobby Kennedy would give the panel 
both its oficial title—Special Group 
(Augmented)—and its sense of urgency. 

Code-named MONGOOSE. the opera 
tion—with Harvey once again the CIA's 
point man—was doomed to Гай from the 
start. The CIA's Board of National Est 
ready concluded that “it is 
improbable that an extensive 

uprising could be lomented" 
stro. Even Castio’s death 
Imost certainly not. prove fata 
to the regime.” But the Administration's 
obsession with overthrowing Castro was 
beyond the reach of reason. “We were 
hysterical about Castro.” Defense Secre 
tary cknowledged 
‘The CIA's pessimism was viewed as one 

оге indication that the agency had not 
regained its nerve since the Bay of Pigs. 

Harvey moved Task Force W into the 
basement of the CIA's new headquarters 
in Langley. Virginia. and set up th 
command bunker for operations agai 


1 panel 
ired by the. President's 
al Max- 

Sed 


m 
highly 


t 


“Well, I don't believe this is 
Eat Your Secretary Week!" 


259 


Cuba. Lansdale had already drawn up a 
basic action plan for MONGOOSE de 
signed to culminate in the “open revolt 
and overthrow of the Communist re 
gime"—"the touchdown play һе 
liked to сай it—by the end of October 
of 1962, The timetable was preposterous, 
and members of Task Force W decided 
that Lansdale’s October deadline had 
more to do with the November elections 
than with the realities of insurgency 
Even the Special Group (Augmented) 
found Lansdale’s basic action [ 
cessive and issued guidelines stating that 
simple intelligence collection would be 
the "immediate priority objective of 
17.8. efforts in the coming months." Cov 
ert actions should be kept on a scale 
"short of those reasonably calculated to 
inspire a revolt. 

А total of 400 CLA officers was as: 
to Task Force W. “We we 
Terry service back and forth to the is 
with agents,” a member of the task force 
recalled. Teams of Cuban exiles wer 
dispatched in the dark of the moon for 
the 90-mile ran from Florida to Cuba, 
Once ashore, they headed inland toward 
their native provinces, where they could 
seek out relatives who might give them 
food and shelter while they went about 
the tedious task of building an under 
ground network. The exiles sent out 
radio reports on the condition of the 
transportation and food-distrihution sys- 
tems, the of power and 
supplies, the schedules of police | 
and all the other measures of С 
grip on the island. They urged thi 
compatriots to commit г bota 
such as leaving the lighis on and the 
water running. They carried condoms 
filled with graphite to dump into an 


ne's oil system. 


But minor sabotage "didn't appeal to 


the Cubans,” Maxwell Taylor said 
They wanted to go in there and thiow a 
bomb at somebody.” The official records 
of Operation MONGOOSE contained 
only the slightest hint of the ferocity with 
which that secret war was waged. Sabo 
tage missions were launched against 
power transformers, microwave 

towers, tank farms and railroad lines 
within һ of the beac The com. 
mandos set their mortars in the sand, 
lobbed a few shells inland and retreated 
to the sea. "Sometimes mortar rounds go 
long and they land in a village,” the chief 
of Task Force W's paramilitary opera 
tions said philosophically 

“People died," Harvey's executive as 
sistant said, “no question of that 

The rationale behind the sabe 
was that it would result in economic 
dislocations that would sow discontent 
among the people and provide fertile 
ground for nurturing a resistance net- 
work. But the Special Group (Augment- 
ed) repeatedly balked at approving the 


"Actually, once you've had one of them, you've had them all.” 


PLAYBOY 


gg ter by working out this program." 


kind of asault that would work any 
real economic hardship. 

Exasperated, Harvey complained to 
McCone. "To permit requi i 
and professionalism for a maximum op- 
eration effort against Cuba, the tight 
controls exercised by the Special Group 
(Augmented) and the present time-con- 
suming coordination and briefing pro- 
cedures should, if at all possible, be made 
less restrictive and less stultifying,” he 
wrote in his long-winded fashion. 

"You could see trouble coming, 
Helms's assistant said. 

Bobby Kennedy browbeat Harvey and 
his aides so relentlessly that after one 
session, Taylor turned to him and said, 
‘ou could sack a town and enjoy it." 
The Auorney General would сай а 
junior officer in the Task Force W 
bunker at Langley, bark out ап order 
and hang up, leaving the CIA man won- 
dering whether he had just talked with 
the President's brother or a prankster. 
He gave one officer the name of " 
who was im contact with a small group 
of Cubans who had a plan lor creating 
an insurrection When the officer re- 
ported back that the Cubans did not 
seem to have a concrete plan, Kennedy 
ordered him to fly to Guantánamo and 
“start working developing this particular 
group.” The olficer protested, saying that 
the CIA had promised the Defense De- 
partment not to work out of Guanti- 
namo. “We will sce about that,” Kennedy 
snapped. Sometimes the Auorney General 
would take things into his own hands 
and the CIA would not find out about 
it until after the fact. He sent Lansdale 
down to Miami in a futile effort to form 

ive government. in exile and kept 
the wip a secret from the CIA. It was 
vintage Bobby Kennedy, turning the 
bureaucracy upside down and shaking it 
by the heels. Such tactics served him well 
in most endeavors, but not when it came 
to the business of spying, with all its 
reverence for “uwradecraft,” 

To Harvey, it was all so n 
tcurish meddling. Soon he started re 
ferving to Kennedy in private as "that 
and began suggesting that some 
of the Attorney General's actions bor- 


pened after he had been drinking, and 
it made his friends wince. "He said some 
things about Bobby Kennedy that were 
unwise, which he couldn't support but 
which were part of his dislike for the 
friend said. “Bobby was wield- 
and Bill distorted 
t to do harm." In short, 
id, "he hated Bobby Ken- 
у th a purple passion. 
For his part, Kennedy thought that 
“not very good." The Berlin 
tunnel “was a hell of a project" Kennedy 
conceded, “but he did that better than 
he did this. . . . [Harvey had] this great 
achievement and then he ended in disas- 
Stories 


to circulate. One had it that 
Harvey had Пацу refused a direct order 
from Kennedy, then slapped his gun 
down on the conference table and spun 
rel pointed at the 
Attorney General. The story was almost 
lv apocryphal, but its very ex- 
імепсе signaled that something was 
astically wrong. 
Relations with Lansdale were по ber- 
ter. To Harvey, Lansdale was a security 
“Harvey seldom really talked to 
Lansdale said. “He would never 
initiate conversations. It was very lı 
to get information from him.” Harvey 
displayed his contempt in other ways 
as well. At meetings, he would "lift his 
ss and fart and pare his nails with a 
Helms's aide said. One 
day at the Pentagon, Harvey took his 
gun from his pocket, emptied all the 
ammunition om the table and began 
playing with the bullets in an elabor: 
show of boredom, The incident 
such a ruckus that the CIA issued new 
regulations regarding the carrying of 
firearms by employees. 
The final break with Lansdale came 
on August 13, 1962, after he sent a memo 
to State, Defense, the CLA and the USIA, 
laying out plans for the next phase of 
ba. There, in black 
Lansdale wrote, “Mr. Harv 
Political (including liqui- 
tion of leaders), Economic (sabota 
limited deception) and P i 
Harvey scratched ош the offending 
words from the memo and called Lans- 
dale, raging against “the inadmissibility 


operations against С 
and white, 


Lansdale 
didn't know it, but he had stuck his big 
foot right in the middle of ZR /RIFLE. 

Lansdale was the least of that opera- 
tion's problems. Н. andoned 
the intricate stratagem of using QJ /WIN 
in the KUTUBE/D search for a suitable 
assassin as the original executiveaction 
file had specified. Instead, he had re- 
verted to a more tightly conuolled ver- 
sion of the Keystone comedy act that had 
been concocted for the Bay of Pigs. On 
April 21, 1962, Harvey met with а dapp 
Mobster n 1 
cocktail lounge at the Miami 
The bulbous Harvey gulped li 
martini while the slee! 
ed suit, alligator shoes and. 
ich, sipped vodka on the rocks. 
nded him four poison capsules 
nd assured him that they would "work 
nywhere and ny time with any- 
thing.” Although Roselli soon reported 
to Harvey that the pills had arrived in 
Cuba, nothing happened. 

Still Castro flourished. It had been a 
full eight months since Bissell had first 
mentioned to Harvey the “application of 


irport. 
doublc 
Roselli, wearing 


ZR/RIFLE program to Cuba" and since 
the President had recorded his decision 
10 “use our available assets... to help 


Cuba overthrow the Communist regi 


During that time, the only result that 
could be discerned was that the Russians 
had begun shipping vast quantities оғ 
military supplies to Cuba. 

Early on the morning of October 14, 
a U-2 reconnaissance aircraft picked ош 
a total of 14 73-Ioot MRBMs lving in 
various stages of readiness in а heavily 
wooded area near San Cristóbal. The 
presence of nuclear missiles in Cuba sig- 
naled the final futility of MONGOOSE. 

In the heat of the moment, Harvey 
ordered ten more teams to Cuba, not lor 
sabotage but to be in place with beacons 
and flares that could light the way if the 
President ordered a military invasion. 
‘The Auorney General learned of the 
order by accident when “one of the fel- 
lows who was going to go got in touch 
with me and said . . . we don't mind go- 
ing, but we want to make sure we're go- 
ing because you think it’s worth while.” 

Kennedy ordered the mission 
scrubbed, but Harvey said that three of 
the teams were beyond recall. “I was furi- 
ous," Kennedy later related. “I said, "You 
were dealing with people's lives . . . and 
then you're going to go off with a half 
assed operation such as this " On whose 
authority had Harvey dispatched по 
fewer than 60 of those brave men into 
Cuba at a time when the slightest prov- 
n might unleash a nuclear holo- 
Kennedy demanded to know. 
vey] said we planned it because the 
шей it done, and I asked the 
id they never heard of it." 
Kennedy demanded a better explanation 
and said, “I've got two minutes to hear 
your answer.” Two minutes later, Harvey 
was still talking. Kennedy got up and 
walked out of the room. 

That evening, when McCone returned 
to CIA headquarters in Langley, he told 
Ray Cline. his deputy director of Intel- 
ligence, “Harvey has destroyed himself 
ay. His usefulness has end 


caust? 


McCone те y 
Task Fore W. y would never 
be allowed near an operation in 


which the White House was likely to take 


n active interest, Ron the first 
available slot for an officer of his rank, 
and the irony cannot have escaped 1 


vey that it was he, the 1 
servant. and not Rosell 
who was being depor 


1 Governm 
‚ the mafioso, 
ed to Italy. 


“He was an utter disaster іп Rome 
ad of the CIA's Western Europe 
оп said. 


ans are highly 
smooth and slows a membe 
Rome station said, describing 
guaranteed to clash with th 
charging new station ch 

“This was just nor the kind of milicu 
Bill Harvey prospered in," a sympathetic 
friend said. "He preferred the dark alleys 
of Berlin.” 

Still, said an aide to McCone, “he 
would have been able to carry out his 


sophisticated. 
of the 
butes 
blunt, hard- 


Ifonly everything T the 


world were this smoo 


— 8 


- Е Пеле 
MELLOWED IN AGED OAK 
C— — 


| EJ Brandy. — 


Rich. Rare. Remarkably smooth. 


PLAYBOY 


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Rain Dance? is guaranteed to shine longer, to. 


bead water longer, to last longer. It's the car wax 
with the watertight guarantee. 


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waxes. If no! completely satisfied. retum unused portion lo B-4233, DuPont Company. Wilmington. DE 19898. for full refund of 
264 80а рле орно end posoge 


asigmnent had he not impaired his 
effectiveness with drink.” 

“When he first came to Rome, he tried 
to be усту careful about 
mber of the station 
parties, he would d 

Bur soon “he was hitting the boule 
very hard carly in the morning,” another 
colleague reported. “By noon, Bill was 
no longer Bill." When a colonel in the 
local carabinieri took him on a tour of 
check points along the Yugoslav border, 
Harvey slumbered drunkenly through 
the entire trip. When the American 
ambassador, Frederick Reinhardt, called 
an emergency meeting one Saturday, 
Harvey arrived. “bloto” and fell asleep 
slumped over the arm of his chair. His 
gun {ell out of its holster and onto the 
lloor Christ's sake," Reinhardt 
snapped, “who sent hin to this town? 

Helms and Angleton had sent Harvey 
to Rome for a number of reasons. 
his run-in with Bobby Kenned 
had 10 be got out of the country 
But he was not to be demoted. The 
failure of MONGOOSE had not. been 
his fault and there was a [ccling that he 
had heen “unfairly treated” by the White 
House. Rome was “the assignment Helms 
could find at the time that was high-level 
enough to accommodate him," one par- 
ticipant in the decision said. 

The station relied on the li 


ian 


services Por its intelligence оп Soviet 
agents, but “there was no help from the 
liaison services, who wi afraid of 


lagonizing Ше Soviets,” an Malian ha 
said. The situation cried out for a 
nosed operative like Harvey, who would 
install some "plumbing" of his own— 
surveillance teams, wire taps, bugs and 
all the other paraphernalia of espio 
Whatever ее had happened lo him, 
Harvey certainly һай not gone soft. 
When a longtime friend in the Rome 
station wrote him a warm leuer of con- 
gratulations on his appointment, Harvey 
reported the man to the Осе of Security 
for discussing classified material in ihe 
open mails. 

This new man wasa queer bird, indeed. 
"Harvey tried to turn the station around 
from a largely overt mision t0 an 
increased clandestine. соті against the 
Soviets,” one officer said. No longer rely- 
ing on the timid efforts of the Talian 
services, Harvey formed his own surveil- 
lance teams i0 track the Russian ope 
tives. Olhcers who had made thei 
over dinner with Il ns found. 


- living 


politic 
themselyes pounding the pavement at 
all hours of the night. “People had to 
hell of a lot harder,” one officer 
said. but "I. don't think we succeeded in 
recruiting any Russians.” 

Relations with the kalian services 
grew steadily worse under Harv 
heavy hand. “He pushed too hard," a 
veteran officer said. “If only he'd had a 
lite more tact. . . . Harvey forgot that 


work 


“Don't mind the parrot; he hand! 


es the pillow talk.” 


265 


PLAYBOY 


266 Gera 


we were dealing with the owners of the 
country." 

Soon the “horror stories” began to 
filter back to Washington, stories of 
Harvey's walking into a glass door or 
running over a roadside kiosk. “You 
heard about the time the gun went off 
in his office, didn't youz" said an officer. 
“Тһе girls in the outer office were afrai 
10 open the door. They were ah 
he'd blown his damn brains out. When 
they finally opened the door, there w: 
Harvey, sitting Шеге as if nothing had 
happened.” 

At first the reports were discounted as 
the petty spite of a small clique of offi 
cers who grown too accustomed to 
the good life. “The gentlemen who were 
tying to pull him down in Italy were 
gnats buzzing about a bull,” Harvey’ 
immediate superior in Washington said. 
The K.G.B. added its menacing buz to 
the swarm. Harvey would find the air let 
out of his tires or be awakened in the 
middle of the night by anonymous 
phone calls One morning, two sewer 
rats were found hanging from his front 
door with their heads chopped oll. 

Harvey suffered a 1 attack. After 
the crisis had passed, the chief of the 
Western Europe. Division said, "Things 
looked up for a while." 

But the drinking resumed. Then 
came a cable saying Harvey wanted а 
number of officers recalled. Headquar 
morc in- 


ters tempori 


formation 
one officer in particular, Mark Wyatt, 
who was in charge of 
vices. Urbane, sophisticated, 
"dependently wealthy, W 
g Harvey was not. Harvey 
special fitness report. which 
tore Wyatt limb from limb 

Desmond FitzGerald, the new head of 
the clandestine services, arrived in Rome 
for a firsthand look. He supported Hai 
vey against. Wyatt. but at the same time, 
he concluded. in the words of a senior 
officer who accompanied him, that "Har- 
a condition to continue 
chief of the station. .. . He was sick 
nd coming apart at the seams." Fitz- 
ld cabled a lengthy report to Helms, 
and Helms ordered Harvey relieved of 
command. “I got the job of going back 
nd relieving Bill Harvey, 
14% companion said. “It was a 
night 1 shall not soon forget.” For seven 


aison with the 


was everyth 
submitted 


hours, he sat across from Harvey, explain- 
ing that he was through. “Harvey was 


nking brandy with a loaded gun in 
lap... 


paring his nails with a sheath 
ey never threatened him, 
but the barrel of the gun was always 
pointing directly at hi 
At CIA headquart 
Harvey was placed i 
thing called the Speci 
where his job was to study countermea: 
ures against electronic surveillance. Fitz- 
ld told Harvey he hoped that would 


be only a brief interlude until he could 
regain his health and return to the front 
lines. Lawrence "Red" White, the agen- 
суз executive director, was assigned to 
ch over him. 

“I'm sorry if Ive embarrassed the 
agency in апу way," Harvey said to 
White. “IF I ever embarrass you or the 
agency again, I will resign. 

Before long, "we began findi 
bottles i desk drawer,” one of the 
CIA's most senior officers said. White 
called in Harvey, who reminded him of 
what he had sa about г 
next time he embarrassed the 

“That would probably be the best 
thing to do," White said. 

“At your pleasure,” Harvey replied. 

He was finished. 

. 
a brief try at practicing law іп 
ngton, Harvey went home to Indi 
а as the Midwest representative of a 
small investigative outht known as Bish- 
op's Service. 

People who had not seen him for 
many years were shocked at how obese 
he had become. In 1978, he returned to 
Maysville, Kentucky, for the first time 
in nearly 20 years, for the funeral of his 
first wile, Libby. "I was really horrified 
when he came here,” Libby's sister said. 
“The change in him was unbelievable. 
He was à very thin young when he 
married Libby." Like Harvey, Libby had 
never been able to free herself from 
alcohol. She had died by her own hand. 

Such private tragedies аштасей no 
public interest, and Harvey remained a 
man of indeterminate past and no fu- 
ture, When he applied to Bobbs-Marrill 
for a 59000-а-усаг job as a law editor, 
“Bill 1 nothing at all about his CIA 
employment,” said Dave Cox, head of 
the firm's law division. "He used phrascs 
like shaving worked for the Govern- 
ment,’ as if I was supposed to know 
something independently.” 

Cox did not know any more until the 
spring of 1975, when Harvey was pub- 
Пау identified as the man who had 
directed Johnny Rosclli in a plot to 
poison Castro. Harvey was called to 
testify before the newly created Senate 
Select Committee on i 
ties. He surprised the committee with his 
illingness to talk. After all the stories 
they had heard, the Senators could not 
resist asking Harvey whether or not he 
still carried a gun. No, he said, he was not 
carrying gun, but he did have a tiny 
device that would erase the tape record- 
ing that was to be the official transcript. 
ol his testimony. He withdrew a small 
object from his pocket and slapped it 
down onto the table in front of him. 
The stunned silence in the room was 
broken by Harvey's chuckle as he re- 
moved his hand to reveal a cigarette case. 

Nowhere did Harvey cause a greater 
ion than at the Bobbs-Merrill of 


willi 


fices in Indianapolis where he worked. 
Executives at International Telephone 
and Telegraph, the parent company of 
Bobbs Merrill, were aghast at the pros- 
pect of being linked to yet another CLA 
1. LT-T. collaboration with the 
CIA in attempting to block the 1970 
clection of Chilean Marxist Salvador 
Allende was already the subject of one 
Congressional investi 

Harvey was about to be fired. 
fact that Bobbs-Merrill is a subsid 


“The 
ary of 
Cox 
main reason was 
ted to get out of 


LT.T. had some bearing on it, 
»wledged, but th 


аск 
that "his di 
control" 

Cox called Harvey in for a talk. "I've 
drunk heavily all my life,” Harvey told 
him, “I just can’t handle it anymore. 
Jr's out of control. I just have to reali 
I'm an alcoholic." 

Harvey began seeing a doctor regul: 
ly and, according to Cox, “got squared 
away on the booze problem." Cox said 
that "after Harvey got back . . . he came 
over to thank me for g him 
ond chance. He said he couldn 
tee the treatment would we it 
didn't, he said, he could forget about 
leading a meaningful life. 

Harvey awoke with chest pains at 5:45. 
Tuesday morning, June 8, 1976. By sev- 
tn o'clock, he was in the intensive-care 
unit at Methodist Hospital. On Wednes- 
day. he underwent open-h 
or four hours, surgeons we 
plant an artificial valve that might some- 
how overcome the toll taken by obesity, 
cigarettes and alcohol. He died, holding 
his wife's hand, at ten minutes past two 
n the afternoon of June ninth. 
ill was 60, too young to ¢ 
wife wrote in a letter to 
leagues at Bobbs-Merrill. 
Jans ahead. He had lived a very full and 
islying life by his own estimation. Не 
said few men were blessed with the op- 


king si 


portunity he had to serve his country." 
At the funeral home, she proudly an- 
nounced that he would be buried 
wearing his favorite boots and silver 


belt buckle. Then the bitterness broke 


de against 
chairman of 


the Senate Select Committee оп intelli 
gence activities. She was entitled to her 
venom. It wa to deave Harvey 
stranded in the public record as the CIA's 
hit man. He had been that. but so much 
more—the nemesis of Philby: the fore 
of the Berlin tunnel. He had been 
the СІАУ point man in the зсасі war 
and, although he had never heard a shot 
fired in anger, he was a combat casualty, 
a burnt-out case who, as one ollicer put it, 
“was asked to do things that nobody 
should have been asked to do.” 


өлігі 


mai 


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PLAYBOY POTPOURRI 


people, places, objects and events of interest or amusement 


THAT SPORTING LIFE 
The next time you head for the hills or shoot 
a rapid, pack your camera in an inflatable, 
waterproof, floatable and shock-resistant Sports 
Pouch that's made of heavy-gauge vinyl with 
a Velcro closure. Sports Pouches come in two 
sizes (14” х 12” for $17.95 and 17" х 17" for 
$24.95) and two colors (bright yellow and olive 
drab). Most sports and camera stores stock 
them. And if you don't own a camera, load the 
pouch with something equally fragile—such 
asa couple of bottles of bourbon. 


PINNEY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS 
Richard D. Pinney builds egos: solid-wood per- 
sonal sculptures that are one-of-a-kind sym- 
bolic statements depicting the stuff of which a 
person's life is composed. The price for 
the privilege of seeing your interests in a 
36” x 40” bas-relief begins at $1500 and 
travels upward, depending on size or how com- 
plicated you are. (For more info, contact Pinney 
at 519 Indian Road SE, Cedar Rapids, lowa 
52403.) Of course, if you don't have any interests, 


the price of the finished product will be cheaper. 


LET A SMILE BE YOUR TWINBRELLA 
Mary Poppins would love this: a sturdy dual umbrella called, 
appropriately, a Twinbrella, that H & $ Distributing Company, 
Suite 1019, 79 West Monroe Street, Chicago, Illinois 60603, 
is selling for $42.50, postpaid, in a choice of three colors—black, 
navy and tan. Best of all, Twinbrella closes to the size of a 
normal umbrella and features an opener that operates at the push 
of two buttons. Now you do have a reason to go singing in the rain. 


UNCLE SAM WANTS YOU 


Who knows what evil lurks in the Internal Revenue Service? А 
publisher named Books for Business does and it has packed its 
knowledge into a 67-page easy-to-read soft-cover publication titled 
How the Internal Revenue Service Selects Individual Income 

Tax Returns for Audit, available from B.F.B. at 1100 17th Street 
N.W., Washington, D.C. 20036, for $5.50, postpaid. No, it 

doesn't give you the phone number of a good lawyer. 


TAILBONE CONNECTED ТО 
THE HI-FI 

‘The theory is that there are two kinds of 
sound; waves transmitted through the air 
and vibrations conducted through the 
body. The latter is named bone conduc- 
tion and it's what you'll feel when you 
come in contact with a Pioncer Electron- 
ісу Bodysonic cushion that—along with 
an amplificr—is selling in stereo stores 
for about 5110. For a kick in the ass, 
hook a Bodysonic cushion up to your car's 
stereo. The road won't be so lonesome. 


MANTLES OF GREATNESS 
Ever wonder what happened to Mickey 
Mantle's old uniform? It ended up at 
М. Friedman Specialty Co. (P.O. Box 
5777{P}], Baltimore, Maryland 21208), a 
business that sells gamy big-league- 
baseball togs to zealous fans. Mantle's 
uniform goes for $275: Reggie Jackson's is 
8195 and Rico Petrocelli's is a bargain- 
basement 590. M. Friedman publishes а 
catalog for 50 cents and, if you don't. 
dig used clothes, it also sells team jackets. 
Sorry, no secondhand Pete Rose. 


HOT LITTLE SEAT 


Ooohhh, nnnoooo! Mr. Hands 
has just strapped our Play- 

Doh model of Mr. Bill in a mini- 
ature battery-powered electric 
chair that actually gives you 

а sluggo of a shock when you 
pick it up. (You can handle the 
chair without getting a shock, 
but we won't tell you how.) Who 
is selling this evil adult toy? 

A company called The Game 
Room, P.O. Box 4290, 
Washington, D.C. 20012, 

for only 58.40, postpaid. 

And when you're not frying 
your own Mr. Bill to a crisp. you 
can give your girlfriend the 

chair as punishment for being 
late, lipping off or dating some- 
one else—as if we'd blame her. 


KINGDOM OF CLUBS 
London is the mother city of 
men’s clubs, Civilized leather- 
and-brass men’s clubs with 
smoking rooms and billiard rooms 
and quiet corners by the fire 
where one can sip а glass of port. 
Writer Anthony Lejeune and 
photographer Malcolm Lewis 
have combined their talents to 
produce what surely is book- 
land's ultimate tribute to English 
clubland—7 he Gentlemen's 
Clubs of London, published by 
Mayflower; a $35 tour of that 
city's male b; 
from The Ameri 
Boodle's to White's. You may not 
be able to join these veddy 
British sanctums, but they're 
wonderful places to visit. 


NEW STOMPING 
GROUND 

You'd think that the gentle 
folks in Hancock, Vermont, 
would be into quilt making 
and canning preserves, 
wouldn't you? No, a group of 
them have set up a business 
called the Top Drawer Rubber 
Stamp Company (the zip 
сойез 05748) and they're re- 
producing the work of such 
underground cartoonists as 
R. Crumb, Jay Lynch and Dill 
(Zippy the Pinhead) Griffith, 
among others, priced from $2 
to $6.25 per stamp. To view 
their wares, send $1.50 to them 
for three catalogs depicting 
weird images, comix characters 
and zodiac signs. Bizarre. 


270 


SCIRIEWIBAMLILS 


(continued from page 192) 


“Doyle Legg did not have the type of personality to 


withstand much sincere abuse from the stands.” 


As we walke 
one little kid asked for 
ne of my men 
s mother 
We took 
cident, because q 
on sale until a half h 
"The strategy was r 
Our computer tells us that the Boston 
pitchers throw 83 percent of their pitches 
"t of the plate to our 
horseshit 


mg practice without 
wter beer didn't go 
me. 


on the outside p 

ghthanders bes 

all. Boston wins 

use everybody tries to pull outside 
t. 

¢ to pull an outside 


hes, which is igno 
EU 
e is fined a hundred dollars," I said. 
Why don’t you just shut up?” Sam- 
mic Land said. 

The men scared me a little with their 
quict determination. 


pi 


body 


on 


id 


Sammie 
said. "We know what we have to do.” 

"What we have to do is murder the 
sons of bitches." Doyle Legg 

I heard some loose change in his pock- 
et, probably for the quarter beer. 

Doyle Legg was the meanest- 
person 1 have ever seen. Our 
placed. Legg’s shoes slightly to the left of 
his locker. 


ke that aga 
he kid. 


the kid said 
imed Pine was throwing fo 
n. He has a big curve and a not 
1 slider, but uses his last ball only to 
set up the other stuff 

"Please don't swing at the man's fast 
1 said. "It's hardly ever a strike." 

Our computer also indicates tha 
when this Pine of theirs smoothed his 
handlebar mustache, nine times out of 
ten, he came with the slider next 

“His what?" Doyle Legg asked. 


“So this!” 


Doyle Legg kicked a bench over 
Simps with mustaches are a menace to 


society.” 


Rudd 


said he felt like а million— 
rong and sharp and full of virtue. 

I told Rudd that during this series 1 
wasn't going very long with any starter 
Ifa person couldn't keep the ball down, 
he was the hell out of there. Jack К 
buck. my starter-reliever, was the long 
inning man in the bull pen. 


“I proclaim this Easter Island! 


жеге easily recognized. They were trying 
to blend into the woodwork for when 
the fighting started. Our wives and loved 
ones sat behind the first-base dugout. 
Mrs. McBroom put up a sign BEAT 
BOSTON 1 somebody took a knife to 
before the game even started. 
опей behind 


"There was a cop sta! 


dug; 
Wh 1 onto the field, this 
cop yelled. "The hell with you bums: 
1 got his | umber. 


. 
The umpire behind the plate was a 
еа Overholster, and as 
managers and their seconds (the cap- 
ns) met at home plate before the 
game, Overholster said that he was aware 
of the importance of this series. 
“Хо bullshit,” Overholster said. 


gentleman n 
the 


Not 


crowd off my people." I said. 
“Хо rough stull." Overholster said. 
“We're going to beat your 

the Boston та d to me. 

V told him to sit on it 

"Have a good game," Overholster said 

ter receiving the line-up cards, 

Previously, Overholster and hi 

J explained the ground rules ра 

r to this fleabag of a park. 

Апу question: 

Yeah.” 1 said. "What is it when 

goes over that outhouse in ей?” 

'owll never know,” 

home run." Overholster 

I said I would be damned. 

. 


ss" Fish, 


ger. 


a 


ball 


sh 


Although there's not that much str 
egy that really goes on during а baseball 
me. there is some that happens on the 
perimeter. so thats why we brought up 
Ferrazano from the triple-A club. Fer- 
razno is an average player. but 1 started 
him at first in a lastsecond change, in 
place of Doyle Legg. 

Legg went crazy until I expla 

перу, then he settled down. 


Jt was obvious to me that Doyle Legg 
y to 


ve the type of personal 
nd much sincere abuse Irom 
stands, so I started Ferr 
8 

The crowd tries to int 
1 didn't want to have to worry 
of that crap. The bigmouths who yell 
personal things like. “Hey, hase, 
your old lady stinks,” don't really want 
to fight. These people are cowards, 11% 
like yellin 1 dn the In- 
di rre a bum: 
A ballplayer doc: the option to 

op the game and delend himsell 
ı personal and vile attacks from 
ошһе drunks in the crowd 

Usually. 

We went out one, two. three in the 
first, which really inspired the drunks 


о às the sacr 


i, and. 
bout any 


date 


first 


at car number 


apolis. "Hey, buddy. yd 


КЕЕ m 
A uS З 

' BE ти Шз 24 
E Д ANS 


comfortable shoes, who К T Hy . 
might take you. ws 


Anything goes with Hush Puppies num 


іп нед сате. 
rà "Fancy footwork at 
(patency: prices. 


152 


CS А ` 
A Io 


ENT 
EM Кш... 
Ha re S 

ine World We, 
n 


PLAYBOY 


behind our dugout. 

The g пей on a rotten note. 

Jimmy Netherlands took а м 
the butt 

Umpire Overholster didn't award Jim- 
my first because he said my 
was turned into the strike zone. 
and the crowd really got on me 

Their pitcher Pine threw all parbage 
and we pounded it into the ground. 

What's one inning? 

When Ferrazano went to play first in 
the bottom half, a drunk really got on 

aying, "Hey, pizza-face жор, how 
come your wife isn't wearing no panties 
to the game here tonight" 

Ferrazano calmly placed his glove оп 
the base and charged the stands. He 
leaped the g and lunged for thc 
drunk, wh about four rows up. 
This caught everybody oft 
guard, including the cop, whe was busy 
Calling Rudd names while he was warm- 
ing up. 

The coward drunk about had a heart 
attack, 

What was supposed to happen was 
Ferrazano would mind his own business 
and everybody behind the dugout would 
think the drunk was a real tough guy. 

The drunk tried to hide behind sev- 
eral women and children, but Ferrazano 
got him by the leg and dragged him back 
down the aisle. 

Ferrazano slapped the hell out of the 
bigmouth and then kicked his ass. 

The cops arrived. 

1 told Ferrazano he would have to give 
his body up for the cause. The dub, of 
course, would go the bail and provide i 


him, 


was 


mancuvci 


lawyer if the drunk pressed du 


h he didn't, since he was a coward. 


АЙ that happened was Ferrazano and 
the bigmouth were separated and um- 
pire Overholster threw the 
hell out of the game. 
hi not ever be able to 
bounce his grandson on his knee and tell 
him how he hit one over the lights in 
the top of the ninth to win the world 
series, but the contribution he made to 
the cause was, nevertheless, very 
ingful. 

It was like a morgue behind first where 


wh 


You could have heard a beer drop. 
The drunk was so humiliated at hav- 
g his number called and having his 
face slapped like the punk he was, he 
slinked out of the stadium. 

So, naturally, 1 put Doyle Legg in as 
a replacement. 

When this 
crowd, everybody but the dr 


was 


screamed and booed. 

After leaving the dugout, Doyle Legg 
stared at those behind our dugout like a 
awyer getting ready to speak to the j 
When nobody said anything person 
Lege trotted to first. 


лато 


оп 


Doc Cooper said it was only a flesh 
wound. 

"Good job, son,” I said. 

. 

mmie Land's display of contempt 
for the left-field wall about brought the 
house down. 

This also happ 
the first 

Nobody had any idea what 


ned in the bottom of 


ammie 
ned. When he left the dugout, 
as a gleam in his eye. He wasn’t 
rying anything 

After Ferrazano slapped out. the big- 
mouth and Rudd completed his warm- 
p. Sammie Land called time out by 
ag his the second.base 
re. 

As everybody watched, Sammie Land 
removed a blindfold from his back pock. 
ct. He held it up for the people to see. 
You should have heard them. Some beer 
cups came from the stands behind Sam- 
тіс Land. The public-address announcer 
asked that this practice be stopped. 

Sammie Land motioned for Bone to 
come out from short 

My men spoke for a moment. 

Sammie Land then removed his сар 
and Bone put down his glove. He tied 
the blindfold around Sammic Land's 
eyes. Land had been quoted in the Boy 
ton paper that wall was so 
ludicrous and had so reduced the skill 
required to play left field, an idiot could 
Yo show how the wall 
me of baseball, Sam- 
to play left field 


arms to 


blindfolded! 
Мег the iv 
d салса and hyster 
e very quic 

IL was no trick. 

My man was going to play left field 
blindfolded. 

When Boston's first hitter stepped into 
the box, Sammie Land was positioned so 
that he was facing center field, not home 


tial react 


n ol comedy 
he crowd be- 


plate. 
Our men in the dugout were going 
crazy, laughing, 


The Boston lead-off batter was so up- 
set with being treated so contemptuous. 
ly, he struck out on three pitches from 
Rudd. The Boston guy had been trying 
so desperately to hit one 
he fanned on a pitch in the dirt, as did 
the second hitter. 

“Watch this,” pitching coach Ола 
said. 

He called time with umpire Ow 
ster and trotted to left 

Ozwald tapped Sammie Land on the 
shoulder. Sammie Land jumped. 

Ozwald then turned. Sammie Land so 
he was facing home plate. 

The crowd then about ripped the 


а 


hol- 


place apart, and they booed so long the 
game had to be stopped ten minutes. 


Umpire Overholster came to our dug- 
out and asked what the hell was going 
on. "This is a circus." 


I told him th 
rulebook preventing a man from play- 
ing lelt field blindfolded and the game 
resumed. Boston's third hitter tried to 
get a fly to lelt so hard he about threw 
his left shoulder out of its socket. He 
fouled one toward Sammie that curved 
foul. Sammie didn't move. The Boston 
guy also struck out. 

At the comple 
went out to left to bri 

n 


Oi 


guys mobbed him. 

Sammie Land removed his blindfold 

and went up to bat to lead oll the sec 

ond. The Boston p 
d he hı i 

Land w: 


was si 


wild-pitched to second 
led in by Edgar. bless his old. 
bruised heart, so it was 1-0, us. 

Cliff Masterson hit one into the Bay 
of Fundy Nova Scotia, 
in the th 

It went out in dead center 

The circus ended in the fourth, when 
а guy [rom Boston popped one to left 
‘The aowd rose. Sammie Land sprinted 
im and put the out aw 


which is up by 


asy as you 
nd 
held it up so the people in the leftfield 
bleachers could see tiny eyeholes. The 
game was postponed 15 m 
oll beer cups. 

mie Land's diversion let us get 
ter fom 


please. He removed the blindfold 


rings. the fi 
ans hit the fan 


the seventh. 


Between innings, Mrs. McBroom and 
a couple of the wives climbed onto our 
dugout and led che 

Between halves in the sixth, 1 heard 
somebody behind our dugout make a less 
than complimentary comment about me 
heyre a bunch of hoodlums. Moss 
couldn't manage his way i whore- 


s for our fans. 


1 shut your filthy mouth, 
body said. 
1t was Ina. 


some 


. 
"The spark [rom Sammie Land's fool's 


carried us into the seventh, leading 


а cooking 


long like a 
ig everything at their 
them had managed 
nd out, up and. 
like he had 
string on the ball and could jerk it away 
from their bats whenever he wanted. 
It was the top of the seventh м 
Doyle Legg went berserk. 
The fact that a 
ndle-bar mustache in public had been 
mawing away at Leggs better jud 
all evening. 
times he asked men on our 
You know why a person covers 
ce with hair, goddamn it? ІЛІ tell 


champion, throw 
ankles. 
lousy s 


Three of 


bench, 
his fa 


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bad. I can't stand it.” 

He believed that people who wore 
beards and mustaches were an inferior 
breed, and he thought they should bc 
punished for it. 

“I's against God to change your 
looks," Legg said once. "Plus. it pisses 
me off.” 

He wanted to rip Ріпез handle bar 
oll so much it hurt 

He called him every name in the book 
and when that didn't work. he did it 
again 

"God had a 1 
Rudd s 

“Yeah, well. That's because they didn't 
have electric razors then. They shaved 
with glass, It's different now." 

Doyle Legg explained how most short 
and how most bald men 


d." our Christian 


men had beards 
1 and how all short, bald теп 
had beards. 

“Now, what does that tell you?" he 
asked Mulebach, who shrugged 


d beards 


gh 


It tells you they are not man en 


to live with the way they look, that's 
what.” 

When Doyle Legg led off our half of 
the seventh, he was in a foul mood. He 
pointed his finger 
Pine, who pointed back. Usually, you see 


at Boston pitcher 


the mound alter hc has 


а man char 


been offered a high, inside hard one, a 


brush-back pitch, You hardly ever scc а 
p 


man throw down his bat and rush the 
|| mound alter being thrown a strike. but 
that's what Doyle Legg did 
It caught the entire city of Boston off 
guard. 
Pitcher Р 


some of it. Pine put his fists up in а 
classic boxing pose to defend himself, 
but Doyle Lc ach; 


rather, he went right through Pi 


; didn't throw a pi 


"s fists 
and grabbed at the mustache 

Both men fell backward off the mound. 

The Boston infielders ran to the 
mound and piled onto the two warriors. 

Our bench emptied and piled onto 
the Boston infielders. 

The Boston bench emptied and piled 
onto our bench. 

Hats and gloves and shoes flew in all 
directions from this mass, which rolled 
ilong the ground toward first base, like 
The Blob. 

The police did a hell of a job keeping 
the fans in the stands. 

The umpires diligently ran up to the 
ball of bodies but decided it would be 
ignorant to try to separate 921 
they backed oll 

There wasn't much I could. dc 
stayed by our dugout and said h 
Ina and McBroom. 

McBroom’s head was in his hands and 


мег», so 


so 1 
llo to 


PL Ж 
жа?» 2 


4 Ap 


26 у" 
(Se 


“Thanks for having me!” 


275 


PLAYBOY 


he was weep 


Alter about three minutes, which is а 
long time for 32 men to fight, the city 


police got organized and they cha 
the pile and began prying bodies off. 

The tangle of bodies had moved f 
the pitcher's mound to right on top of 
first base. 

The public-address announcer was say- 
ing, "For the love of God, break it up 
out there,” it was that bad. 

One fan leaped out of the lelt.field 
stands and tried to steal Sammie Land's 
cap and got punched in the nose 


The commissioner of baseball came 
onto the field from his box by the third 
base dugout and was promptly arrested 
by one of the cops. 

Nobody was killed. 

A picture of the altercation half of the 
per the 
next morning bencath the headline “тик 
NATIONAL PASTIME, 

Alter the bodies were 
separated by the polic 
pitcher Pine still had а 
other. Leggs shirt had been ripped off 
and he was bleeding from the skull. His 
left shoe was missing. Pitcher Pine 
upper lip had been stretched about down 
to his belt, bur the mustache remained 
1. The handle bar drooped pitifully, 
however. 

Head umpire Overhober threw Doyle 
Legg out of the game 
The mayor of H 
Legg out of the city. 

The governor of Massachuseus threw 
Doyle Legg out of the sta 

The commissioner of baseball fined 
Doyle Legg 53000 and suspended him 
Tor two additional 

A call had allegedly been placed. to 
the President of the United States, and 
there was some qu 
Doyle Legg would be pem 
main in this country. 

Two cops led Doyle Legg to the 
showers. 

Order was restored after only 48 mil 
utes. Boston went to its dressing room 
nd sent a back that it refused 
to play with heathens. The commissioner 
of baseball talked Boston into finishing 
the game for the g 
I searched the bench, found 
nd eager face and said, “АП 
go out there and get them.” 

The bright face blinked 
“Horseshit to that 

"Please, Matsuo,” I s 
of first basemen.” 

Thad called Matsudo up for assistance 
because 1 figured somebody might harelip 
Doyle Legg. At the time, Matsudo was 
batting for our farm team down 
South. 

“I hate this, 
field. 

He thought first base was jinxed 

Needless to say, we didn't ger а smell 


on cach 


»ton threw Doyle 


e 


s 10 how long 
ited to re 


bright 
hi. son. 


nd said, 


id. "We're out 


Matsudo said, taking Ше 


276 alter the riot in the top ol the seventh. 


The altercation gave Boston new Ше 
and pitcher Pine шей up his handle 
bar and threw some nice curves at us. 

The crowd. did not want a mere vic 
tory: they wanted 

Even Rudd's 
were severely темей 

The crowd was so 16 
hiccups 

As the game went into the bottom of 
the eighth, it was time for a storybook 
ending. 

The lead for Boston. banged 
one off the \ most took Sammie 
Land's hat off. That w double. I 
called time and went to the mound. It 
was so loud I had to yell instructions to 
Rudd. 

“Pray [or vain.” 

Е had Mulebach, Jack Roebuck and 
Golden Rule warming up in the bull 
pen. 

The next man hits two foul home runs 
and then lines out to Masterson at third. 
I was a wicked shot that tu 


D 


strength 


ıl he got the 


as 


son's glove hand purple 
Runner at second, опе out. 
We are clearly on the ropes. 
The пем man walks. 
J went out to talk to Edgar. 
“How is he?” 

АП right. He just mised an inch 
with iwo pitches. The last one was a 
sirike 

“Bear 
holster. 

“Sit down,” he said. 

First and second. one out, 2-0, us. 

The next m 
Шы that Matsude chased 1 
trooper. It fell foul onc inch. 

“That was a good sign," 1 told pitching 
coach Ozwald. 


down," I told umpire Over- 


What [am wondes 
going to get out of th 
asked. 

The guy who hit the foul then ripped 
one to right, a clean single, scorin 
But our religious combo was h 
all cylinders and. Jesus El Dorado threw 
out as he tried to take 
Peck Masterson wa 
п. bur he held on to 
ed the bum out for the 


spiked on the 
the ball and ia 
second out. 
Two outs, m: 
Готе 1 could say 
a man had a single 
had a walk to load the damnable bases 
The crowd was beside itself. 
“What do you think?” I asked Oz« 
of а possible pitching change. 
Ozwald leaned out of the dugout and 
said, "Mulebach just threw one that 
bounced. 


n on first, 2-1, us. 
“What the һе?" 
nd the next m: 


л he would just as soon go 
with God as anybod: 

Edgar called time and came to the 
dugout. 

“He stays in,” E said. 

If I went to the mound, Rudd would. 
have to come out. 


“Fine,” Edgar said. 

Edgar went out to talk with Rudd, 
patted him on the shoulder and returned 
10 his position behind the plate 

Bottom of the eighth, 2-1. us, bases 
loaded 

Rudd stepped off the mound, straight- 
ened his cap. looked to the heavens and 
logged a nice little slider for: 

Foul behind the plate into the seats, 


Iwo out 


other foul, this time into the s 
behind third. 

Ball. 

Two balls, two strikes. 

The Boston hitter was named Sands. 
He was a righthanded batter with mi 
imal power, but a scrapper, Не w 
hitting about 280. Very competent. The 
way he fouled those two good sliders off, 
it didn't look like Rudd could sneak one 
past him. He was choked way up on the 
bat. 

Curve his ass, I thought. 
gar gave the signal. 

Rudd shook him off. 

Edgar gave another sig 

Rudd shook it olf. 

Batter Sands stepped out. 

Edgar gave two more signals. 

Rudd shook them both off. 

Bauer Sands stepped out of the box 
and yelled something dd. 
ar called time out and went 10 the 
nl. 

He removed his 
intently аз Rudd expl 
hen Edgar threw his glove to il 
and stomped off the mound toward our 
dugout. 

The crowd r 


mask and 


cally let us have it 
"What in the hell is going on out 


Шеге?” 1 asked, meeting Edgar at thc 
step: 
Edgar was flustered and red іп the 


"You wont believe this." 

1 swore 1 would 

“He wants to throw a screwball to this 
guy.” 

А whai?” 
Saewball. 
He doesn't know how to throw a 
pitching coach Ozwald said. 
He said God just told him to throw 
it" Edgar said. 

“Youre kidd 
о. 

A screwball to a right-handed hitter 
in this situation would be very good 
strategy would break ашау from ıl 
hiner, il, of course, the pitcher knew how 
to throw it. 
Each team scouts 
ith the computers. 
Batter Sands knew Rudd was com 
with his best, the slider, when it was 
on the table. 

“Не has never thrown one,” I 
Edga 

“It doesn't seem to matter to him, 


"p said. 


the 


id то 


же jn 


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27 


PLAYBOY 


278 


кар gesturing to the moi 
where Rudd stood with his hands on hi 


hips. 
“Wh: 
holster asked. 
ар.” 
1 explained that our lite chucker out 
there was just told by God to throw a 
screwball, which he had never thrown 
bete 


э be ready,” 1 told Overholster, the 
ump. 
"You know,” he said, "I believe y 
"We're going with it?” Edgar asked. 


Why in the hell not?” 1 said. 
“TH ask when I get down there,” 
Edgar said, wotting back 10 the mound 


and then back behind the pk 
АП our men stood at the edge of the 
dugout. 


A screwball is a very unnatural pitch. 
iy who threw it best, Carl Hubbell, 
m that looked like ele- 


n 


d, which is natural; but 
the screwball, your wrist and arm 
rotate inward, so if you throw it a lot, 
your arm falls off about the age of 37. 
Ju puts terrible pressure on the elbow. 

The screwball is the weirdest, ugliest 
pitch in baseball. 

Somehow, this screwball piece fit right 
into this puzzling team. 

Batter Sands about lost his p; 

He was expecting the slider and got 
screwed. 

He took a half-assed swing when the 
ball was about a foot from E: 
Sands looked li 


ar's glove. 
е he was fighting oll a 
very big mosquito. 

He was the hell out of there. 

The men mobbed Rudd. 

“It broke tliis far,” Edgar said, holding 
his bruised old hands a foot and a half 


apart. “I barely could caich the damn 
thing.” 
Now, if that isn't enough to frost you. 


there w 
ol the ninth. 


s even more frosting, the bottom 


“It's amazing how often two people 
working independently, come up with 
the same idea at the same lime." 


We went out one, two, three іп the 
top of the ninth, so the “game” went 
into the last hal ng, 2-1, us. 

lor Boston banged 
n left for a double. 
on the verge of 


Poor Sammic 
shell shock. 


managed to step on the ball and hold 
the Boston guy to two bases. 

Then it rained. 

Usually, rain stants. 

This rain began in the middle and it 
came down hard in waves, causing 
“thuds” on the infield, The wind kicked 
up and blew Edgar's mask off. After a 


minute, you couldnt see the leftfield 
wall. Our men ran for cover. The Boston 
manager, Fish, protested to umpire Over 


holster because we lett the field of play 
ng a “sprinkl 
Play was suspended. 
The men eyed Rudd with a combina- 
tion of admiration and fear. 
r I didn't pray for 


"de 


Home plate disappeared in a pool of 
The puddle at first had whitecaps. 
give it five more minutes," 
holster announced. 
pitching coach 


umpire Ov 
“Then send for boats, 
Ozwald requested. 


The game was officially called after 
ing hit very near first base. 

"See." Matsudo said of the jinx. 

АП of left field was under water. 

So we won, 2-1. 

The Boston guy who had doubled 


refused to leave second base until the 
last minute. 
“Hey, lool," Arnette Blackwelder 


yelled. "You don't get credit for that 
hit. The official books stop, ning. 

The poor guy waded to his dressing 
room. 

If this didn't 
Boston, they were 
gave them credit for 

Our men stood in the downpour in 
front of our dugout and then wandered 
happily ro the dressing room. 

The stands had emptied. We lı 
trouble staying safe. 

“It was like none of i 
Edgar said, looking 

I had to admit things felt farn 
that feeling lasted only until we 1 
dubho 
“We got them by the ass,” Doyle Legg 
as yelling. He watched the last couple 
of innings from the rightfield bleachers 
за hat pulled down over his eyes. 
The frontpage headline i 
Was: USCKEWBAL 

I heard the newsstand edit 
aper sold the most copies since World 
War Two; everybody wanted to see which 
screwball it was who had done all the 


good. 
HB 


ike the spunk out of 
onger people than 1 


happened,” 
the empty seats. 


but 


the 


К 


our paper 
BEATS BOSTON." 


of this. 


Lost ina blizzard! 


For a daily Olympic update compliments of CC, 
dial 800-223 1850. In NY. dial 212-888-0766. 


We came to bury acase of С.С: near the site of the 
Winter Olympics...and almost got buried ourselves. landian Ci 


We headed to Lake Placid to cross-country ski and to hide a case of C.C. near the ; E Teme 
Winter Olympics. But skiing deep into the forest, we forgot to watch the sky. : 
A serious mistake among the unforgiving Adirondack Mountains. 

By noon the wind was howling and, faster than we could believe. the ski tracks we 
hoped to follow were under new snow.We were lost in an Adirondack blizzard! But 
intent on hiding our case of Canadian Club. we blindly followed our sixth sense. 
Finally, cresting a steep hill, we found ourselves in an open field. Driving winds were 
more intense here, but we followed a fence row until we could make out the 
silhouette of towering Whiteface Mountain. With our bearings restored, we hid our 
treasure in а place where those who seek gold will miss by a quarter of a mile. 
Toasting our luck with C.C. before a roaring fire. 
Soon we were regaling friends with our chilling adventure as we enjoyed drinks of 


Canadian Club before a warming fire. We knew the case wouldn't be easy to find 3 
Those who seek it may have to brave the same bitter conditions that challenge the / aan A 
Olympians. But if you prefer to confine your search for “Тһе Best In The House" to. 


the warm fireside, simply tell your host, “С.С. please.” “The Best In The House”® in 87 lands. 


6 YEARS OLD. IMPORTED IN BOTTLE FROM CANADA EY HIRAM WALKER IMPORTERS INC 
DETROIT, MICH. 86.8 PROOF. BLENDED CANADIAN WHISKY. ©) 1980 


280 


IBI ss 


“Which rocker said, ‘I don’t want to see any faces 


at this party I haven't sat on’: 


232 


(10) Аш now match these stars with 


y 
Elvis Presley 

— Paul Anka 

— Bonnie Bramleu 
“Elvis Costello 

sa Manchester 


(а) computer programmer 
(b) Playboy Bunny 
(O Tkette 


e fighter 
(f) Harlene 
(5) model 
(h) drove a t 
(i) theat 
() Mad Dog 

(11) What 

on the 
crows? 

(a) Gosh 
(b) If I Loved You 

(0) Fue Just Your Fool 
(4) Flip, Flop and Fly 
(е) 1 Love You So 

(0 Golly 

(12) What's in a name? 

famous rockers labored 

years under names that just di 

ss. Match these 

т humble anteced- 


у forgettable ballad 
side of Сес, by "The 


Countless now- 


obscurity for 


stellar 
ents: 
— The Doobie Brothers 
е rwater Revival 


L Beach Boys 

— Beatles 

— Amazing Rhythm Aces 

- Levon Helm 

(а) Nuclear Clyde 

(b) The Robins 

(c) The Jungle Bush Reaters 

(d) к. nd The 

(e) The Golliwogs 

(0) The Quarreymen 

(в) Beefeaters 

(h) Pud 
(13) The Beatles had more than good 
looks, sex appeal and tremendous talent. 
They also knew how to borrow from the 
right places. Who had the original hits 
of these Beatles cover versions? 


L Honey Don't 
— Long Tall Sally 
L Roll Over, Beethoven 
Twist and Shout 


— Words of Lave 

You Really Got a Hold on Me 
— Please My, Postman 
— Money 
hains 
— Slow Down 
(a) 1 
(b) The Isley Brothers 
(© Buddy Holly 

1 velettes 


Perkins 
(в) Smokey Robinson & The M 
(h) The Ca 


(E) The Shir 
() Larry W 
(14) Old folkies never die 
rock. Match the former folkie with his 
her dark secret 


(c) New С 


(d) Pozo Scco 
(e) The Kingston Trio 
(D Au Go Go Singers 
1 Mitchell Trio 
(b) Mother MeCree’s Uptown Jug 


—Rock-a-billy s 


go breaking my hea 
_ Not T'ennille's Са 
ndler 


(© Don Van VI 
(d) Harold Jenkins 
(c) Wolfgang Grajonca 
(0) Paul McCartney 
(8) J. P. Richardson 
(h) P ie Matthews 
love, 
In a moldy old 
fter fatally 


(16) Words оГ 
tender: 
this speech 


ad 
who uttered 
shooting h 
' what you've 
lorgive me. I'm 
last dyin’ breff, 


1. 
‚ you say, "Baby. 
And with h 


ю doo doo мо 


she look ир 

модою, . 
(а) John Denver 
(b) Mitch Ryder 
(c) Chuck Wi 
(d) Amos Milbu 


) 
. (с) Beute Midl 
t, (е) Gene Simmons. (0) 
s. (в) Art Garfunkel, (h) 


is shit, Abso- 
ке been a 


“the y sounds like a fag- 
rot." 

If your chi ever found out 
how lume you are, they'd kill you 
in your sleep. 

— "| don't know anything about 
music—in my line you don't have 
pus 

— "L. too, slept with Jack Kennedy.” 

— "Those who will not dance will 


have to be shot.” 


Ul don't w пу faces at 

this party I haven't sat ¢ 
(18) Jerry. Lee Lewis took а bride 
in his third m . But how old was 


he ar ihe time of his first marriage? 


nt to scc 


а 


(19) Match the orig 
with its original Hip 
ve You Late 
--Ү/ Can't Get No) Satisfaction 
Please Mr. Postman 
— Suec Oddity 
— Yon Can't Sit Down 
Soul Man 
vpeessway to Your Heart 
Boru to Be Wild 
— Hound Dog 
(а) Night Mare 
(b) So Long Buby 
(© Everybody's Next One 
(d) The Under Assistant. West Coast 
Promotion Man 
(©) "Hey 
(0 Wild Eyed Boy [rom Frcecloud 
(8) Stompin’ Everywhere 
(h) May 1 Baby 
G) The Paper Boy 
(20) Which of these 
Jailbait in the mid-F 
(a) Paul Evans & the Curls 
(b) Hank Ballard & The Midnighters 
(c) Andre Williams 
(d) Johnny & the Hurricanes 
(c) Nino and the Ebb Tides 
(D) Dickey Doo & The Don'ts 
(в) Somet id the Redheads 
"Fhazzit, fans. Answers on page 282. 


nal jukebox classic 


с: 
Alligator 


roups recorded 
с? 


Street Cars аге built for comfort and style. Slip into foam Whether it's denim or dress slacks, nothin’ looks or feels 


innersoles wrapped in soft better at the bottom than Street Cars. 


cushion leather, surrounded by 9 The shoes your feet get off on. Pick 
durable leather uppers, set atop up a pair of Street Cars at leading 
a great looking flexible sole. shoe and department stores. 
THE SHOES EET GET OFF ON. 
YOUR F ON. 


For the name of the nearest store, write Street Cars, Laconia, New Hampshire 03246. 


PLAYBOY 


282 


SMOOTH 
| N’ SIMPLE. 


To subscribe to 
PLAYBOY by phone, 
just call: 


TOLL-F 
800-621- 


А 12-issue subscription is only 
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Rates apply to U.S., U.S. Poss., 
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Canadian rate: 12 issues 918. 


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ROCK-'N'-ROLL QUIZ 
ANSWERS (from page 280) 
(1) (b) and (\—apparently, а con- 
tinuity man blew it j, 


(2) Fee Waybill (b) Grace Jones 
a 1 He X Bette 
Midler (d): Wendy Williams (c) 


(3) Brian Jones (D; Jimi Hendrix 
(а); Cass Elliot (g); Otis Redding 
(€): Sam Cooke (b): Keith Moon 


(d); Jim Morrison (c) 

а) (d) 

6) (а) 

(6) (0) 

(7) (© 

(8) (4) 

(9) Eddie Cochran (b) Jerry Lee 
Lewis (di; Roy Orbison (a): 
Muddy Waters (e); -Hank Wil- 
liams (f); Lou Christie (с) 

(10) Screamin’ Jay Hawkins (e): 
Chuck Berry (d); Elvis Presley 


(h): Paul Anka (i): Bonnie Bram. 

lett (с): Elvis Costello (a): Melissa 

Manchester (f: Rita Coolidge 

(0: Deborah Harry (b); Grace 

Slick (g) 

(11) (e) 

(19) Doobie Brothers (h); Creedence 
Clearwater Revival (e): Coasters 
(b): Byrds (g): Beach Boys (d): 
Beatles (D: Amazing Rhythm 

Aces (a); Levon Helm (c) 


(18) Boys (k); Dizzy Miss Lizzy (a) or 
(1); Honey Don't (0); Long Tall 
Sally (j): Roll Over, Beethoven 
(с); Twist and Shout (by; Words 
of Love (су: You Really Got a 
Hold on Ме (в): Please Mr. Post- 
тап (d); Money (i); Chains (һ); 
Slow Down (1) or (а) 

(H) Stephen Stills (D: Jerry Garcia 
(h: Jim McGuinn (а): Neil 
Young (i); John Phillips (а): 
Kenny Rogers (с): John Stewart 
(ey 1 Muldaur (b) Don 

Williams (d) 

(15) Apollo C. Vermouth (f); Famed 
concert promoter (е): Rock-a 
billy star (d); You know what he 
likes (g): Top hat and cape (a): 
Dominique (b): "Don't go break. 
ing my heart" (hy Not Ten- 
nille's Captain (c) 

(16) (е) 

(17) Correct sequence is: (e), (a), (b). 
(©), (0), (4) 

(18) (b) 

(19) Correct sequence is: (i), (а). (b). 
(0. (в). (р), (е), (©), (а) 

(20) (с) 


"It looks like you're going to get lots of offers to 
haue tanning lotion rubbed on you." 


For thelooks 
that get the looks 


Good looking hair. That gets noticed. Thats a 
Command Performance haircut. A haircut 
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= A haircut that won't Е 
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notice everythingthats 2 
right (as well as every- 
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the way your hair has 
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P Then they'll give you : 
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precision haircut not only looks great the first day. 
Itll help to hold your hair in shape, 
even as your hair continues to grow. And you'll 
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You'll find Command Performance stores 
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PLAYBOY PUZZLE 


HRYFRHLLYWD! 


here can you find 25 disemvoweled movie titles? On the marquee de Sade, 

naturally. Io cruelly tease you, we've taken some titles of Hollywood's 

finest, cut out the vowels and punctuation and spliced the rest togeth 

Pretty much what they'd look like if they'd been edited for suess, if you c 
these tantalizingly stripped-down titles. ў 

—ВҮ DOUG AND JAN HELLER AND THE STAFF OF "GAMES" MAGAZINE 


PCLYPSNW 


MYRBRCKNRDG 


25. 


STRSBRN WHTDYSYTNKDLDY 


Answer on page 286. 


PLAYBOY 


286 


Listen to television 
on your 
Stereo. 5 


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IDEAL FOR TAPING TV SHOWS 
ANO USING STEREO HEAOPHONES. 
Get electronic simulated stereo sound 
from your TV. Don't miss another show 
without listening through your stereo 
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nects toany TV & stereo system. TV and 
stereo can be any distance apart. Quality 
electronic circuitry assures correct im- 
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response and chassie isolation for pro- 
tection of your TV and stereo. The tele- 
dapter comes complete with instruc- 
lions, cables and two year warranty. 15 
day trial or money back if dissatisfied. 


The TE-200 Teledapter 
E---only $29% & ppd 


1 To order: enclose check ог RM C 1 
1 C] Mastercharge маи RHOADEZ ! 
H Card # Dent PA РО Box Bl - 
B Expiration date — Баш i 
1 

1 Name і 
іше — — 
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L — ы с=с 


Answer to puzzle оп роде 285. 


1. Blazing Soddies 
2. From Hereto Etemity 
3. The Wizard of Oz 
4. Casino Royale 
5. Apocalypse Now 
6. Some Like lt Hot 
7 Easy Rider 
8 Deliverance 
9. Love Slory 
10 Ben Hur 
M. Coming Home 
12. What'sUp, Doc? 
13. True Git 
14. The Stewardesses 
15. Beau Geste 
16 The Naked City 
17. Myra Breckinridge 
18 Star Wors 
19.Dr.No 
20.Ice Station Zebra. 
21. The King and I 
22. Life of Brion 
23.A Slorls Bom 
24. Banoros 
25. Wrat Do You Say 
loa Naked Lady? 


TURNED TABLES 


(continued from page 136) 


“Superdiscs offer an enhanced dynamic range that 
can trigger acoustic feedback from turntables.” 


be -60 dB weighted or a number mi 
negative than that; say, -65 dB. Some- 
times, rumble is expressed as a turntable's 
signal-to- n which case it be- 
comes a positive number; this time, the 
higher the number, the better (eg. 75 
dB is quieter than 70 dB). Note that all 
specs must be derived from the. 
measurement system to offer meaningful 
comparisons 


but that can make a major difference in 
a wurmable’s suitability in certain sys- 
tems, is the method by which it 
parts are suspended under the chassis 
top. That particular factor has become 
virtually critical with the continuing 
soning of the so-called superdises 
direct-cut types. the digitaltape 
processed albums, the dbs-encoded re- 
leases and the records that are produced 
by several labels with more than the 
usual | r loving c: 
тсей d. 


suffered. from 
placing special feet u 
can help, but the real cure lies in the 
machine's internal suspension. It must 
not be too stiff. That doesn't really say а 
hell of a lot, but it’s something to ask 
about when you're contemplating spend- 
ing a few hundred bucks on a new tu 
table on which you hope to play any new 
record that comes along. 

А closely related feature is the tone- 
arm and the cartridge fitted im it. The 
key concept here is low mass and its con- 
comitant benefit in reducing the rcso- 
nce between the arm and the ge. 
In general, the arm suppli 
tegral part of a given turn 
иней on 
mating 
the standpe 


able can be 
10 represent an optimum. 
ith that turntable, at least from 
nt of the product's designer. 
But note that what looks good to, 
Pioneer or Technic—both of which 
favor the bent, or “S-shaped,” arm—does 
not get the nod from Thorens, which 
a straight arm with a slightly offset 
head. How's a body to know? 1 don't 
believe you can tell merely from the 
arm's shape. If you get to that kind of 
critical crossroads in your decision about 
which unit to buy. you would do best to 
listen to both fitted with rhe same car- 
widge pl 
Two recent trends i 


ing the same record 


ton 


s are 


worth mentioning. Onc is the integrated. 
arm and cartridge, those two elements 
being designed for 
mutually ationship. 
Danish firm of Bang K Olufsen has long 
espoused that approach; more recently, 
it has surfaced in the Dual ULM (for 
ultralow mass) series which a new 
tonearm is mated with an Ortofon-made 
pickup designed especially for it. 

The other news in arms is the sudden 
increase in the number of true radial 
arms. Instead of pivoting from one end. 
these arms move the cartridge across the 
record in a straight line, the same radius 
with wl record is cut. Known also 
as tangenti: cking, this system i 
credited with eliminating the small 
Jar error that must perforce occur with a 
conventional pivoted arm. Whether or 
n hear the difference may be a 
»ot point. Less debatable, however, is 
the fact that а radial arm does away with 
the need for antiskating compensation, 
since the sk blem arises in the 
first place as a direct consequence of an 
arm's being pivoted. A well-designed 
radial arm probably also will permit you 
to use a given cartridge at its lowest pos- 
sible vertical tracking force, which could 
prove (over some years. anyway) to help 
extend the longevity of your records. 
the companies recently offering 
зе ‚ Technics, 


Aiwa and Revox. 


Having bestowed most of its recent 

technology on the sing turntable. 

a portion of the industry is embellishing 

that produet w d of automa- 
өріс, has 


with a b 
microprocessor that can be programmed 
to play not only individual bands of a 
record but ns of bands. A digit- 
al readout system also tells y 


Iso por 


what has 
t of the 
. Di 1 readout of 
lso is featured on several brands, 
as well as very smooth cuing controls for 
setting the stylus onto the record and lift- 
off at the press of a button. 

Fillips like those do nothing to help 
the sound of your records, but they сап 
make playing them perhaps a little more 
imtriguing than in the past. With or 
without them, it seems fairly certain that 
n today's turntables, your records never 
had it so good. In fact, they may sound 
so great that you may find yourself ask- 
ing: Who needs digital sound, anyway? 


burr brown 


“Choose carefully, Jack—we've had a rash of age- 
discrimination suits around here lately!” 


287 


PLAYBOY 


288 


Looks as good 
as it tastes! 


г? wae 

The Club is the largest-selling cocktail 
in the world. And now everyone can see 
why! 

We've just put that big, bright, beauti- 
ful taste on the outside to show just how 
mouth-watering it's always been on the 
inside. 

Pick from fifteen different bar-strength 
cocktails and see if they don't look as 
good as they taste. 


THE CLUB* COCKTAILS -25 Proof - Prepared by The Club Distilling Co.. Hartford, СТ. 


ІРІ 


AY BOY 


GEAR 
NET GAINS 


versized tennis rackets have been on the marketseveral ditional styles. The advantages are obvious: Aside from an 
years and, judging from the number of court appear- increased hitting surface, a bigger racket gives a player extra 


ances they've made at clubs we frequent, it’s certain power, better control and a larger-sized sweet spot for that killer 
that the concept is rapidly making net gains on tra- shot. Тһе ball's in your court, Bjorn. Game! Set! Match! 


Left to right: The Big Bow racket of French white ash and fiberglass combines 
an oversize bow with open-throat construction, by Spalding, $88 unstrun; 
Black Ace, a killer racket of graphite fibers, features a f. 
minimizes vibrations, by Kennex, $160 unstrung. Third in 

h has an extra 


Е 
by Prince, $70 strung stiffer tubular alun 
frame, has an extra-long handle for two-handed shots, by 
Prince, $95 strung. Last is the Tony Trabert Big Bubba 

racket with an all-graphite construction, urethane 

high-gloss finish and a long handle for tw 

handed shots, by ProGroup, $160 unstrung. 


2% 


FASHION 


THERE'S FUN AFOOT 


ith the continuing popularity of the boat shoe and 
the fact that the price of leather footwear has 
skyrocketed, more and more designers are creating 
shoes that go equally well with suits and jeans, 
Fabric shoes in natural shades, perhaps, have the most versatility. 
But there are other treatments previously thought of as strictly for 


casualwear (especially looks in nontraditional colors) that, іп 
today’s less rigid fashion mood, work just as well in a multipur- 
pose role. Some have crepe soles and heels, others are perforated 
models and there's even a pair of modified Western boots. And 
about those perennial boat shoes: Watch for yet another lease оп 
life as they begin appearing in even hotter colors. —DAVID PLATT 


Following the number 
with contrast leather trimming, leather lini 
leather heel and sole, from Valentino Cardi 


Western boot with leather piping, by French Shriner, $100. 2. Nai 
leather sole and rubber heel, by Johnston & Murphy, $85. 3. Cotton mesh/calfskin saddle shoe with 
by Fantasia, $65. 4. Canvas lace-up shoe wi 


inen moccasin-toe slip-on 


x eyelets, mudguard detail and canvas wrap heel, from 


Jean Pier Clemente by Italia Bootwear, $65. 5. Sailcloth lace-up oxford with rubber sole, by G. Н. Bass, $55. 6. Canvas lace-up oxford with crepe sole 


and heel, by Bost 


in, about $3B. 7. Natural bufi-leather lace-up oxford with rubber heel and sole, by Florsheim, about $4B. 8. Linen/nubuck suede 


saddle shoe with leather sole and heel, from Yves Saint Laurent by Harwyn International, about $65. Who says casual can't be classy? 


1. Calfskin oxford wit 


leather sole and heel, from Yves Saint Laurent by Harwyn International, 


about $100. 2. Cowhide lasseled slip-on with hand-sewn trim, cushioned inner sole, leather sole 
and heel, from Handsewns by Frye, $67. 3. Casual calfskin lace-up with leather sole and heel, by 
Smerling Imports for Pierre Cardin, about $65. 4. Latigo leather lace-up with leather heel and sole, 
by Jeffrey Banks for Lighthouse Footwear, about $70. 5. Gabardine oxford with leather sole and 
heel, by Peeples, about $80. 6. Perforated nubuck suede shoe with leather sole and heel, by 
Knight-Errant for Rayley, $36. 7. Linen oxford with crepe sole and heel, by Cole Haan, $120. 


DAVID 
PLATT'S 
FASHION 
TIPS 


If your plans for the season in- 
clude the purchase of only one 
ог two new suits, it's advisable 
to think about styles that can 
work as sports coal/ trouser sep- 
arates for added wardrobe flex- 
ibility and mileage. Textured, 
tweed and linen styles work best 
as opposed to stripes and plaids. 

. 


The uniform air-traveler outfit 
of double-knit leisure suit ap- 
pears to have been replaced by 
the solid-coldr blazer combined 
with a pair of plaid slacks 
While the blazer is a tried-and- 
true staple of any wardrobe, it 
goes best with slacks that have 
less contrast, such as flannels, 
tweeds or even jeans. 

. 


While not опе to advocate 
make-up for men, common 
sense dues suggest iat a nuni- 
ber of skin treatments are worth 
a try. If your face is often ex- 
posed to the elements, you 
should consider a moisturizer. 
Cracked, leathery skin may be a 
manly image, but it ain't good 
for you. 

+ 


The Decade of the Designer 
Score Card: Latest entry from 
the world of women's wear is 
Parisian Emanuel Ungaro, who 
has signed with an American 
manufacturer to do a line for 
men this fall. It will be expen- 
sive and feature handsome 
Italian fabrications. 

. 


If you choose to cool your 
feet by not wearing socks— 
some shoe manufacturers have 
you in mind and are lining their 
shoes with terrycloth. 

. 


1t seemed like а good idea at 
first, but its passing goes unla- 
mented: trousers without back 
pockets, so that the close fit had 
no bulges. (The male handbag 
still makes sense, but the first 
time you leave it in a restaurant 
with your wallet inside, you'll 
be wishing you had pants with 
a back pocket.) 


PLAYBOY 


292 


“Tm Моге, 
satisfied: 


21 mg. “tar”, 1.8 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method 


Bess 
20 CLASS A 


More. For that extra 
measure of satisfaction. === 
a aoM 


“I really enjoy More's great, 
satisfying taste. And since Моге 
is 120mm long, the great taste $ 
lasts longer. That's why | get extra 
satisfaction. 
“More also has the style that 
could only come froma long, 
slim, brown cigarette. Am | more ( 
satisfied with More? You bet” anam 
Іі: 
зт 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


HABITAT. 


PHOTO FINISHERS 


are walls do not lend an air of homeyness to living quar- 
ters, And what with the price of Rembrandts and Rausch- 
enbergs going through the roof, more affordable, if not 
more modest, wall decorations must be found. 
Photographs—yours or others—may be the answer. In the hands 
of a professional photo-lab technician, an original image can be 
cropped or photographically enhanced to create a special effect 
and, from it, a custom print can be made to your specifications. 
Because they stock photographic paper in 40-inch and 52-inch 
widths, many color labs can produce murals or superwide shots 


and the seams can be matched when installed, just like wallpaper. 
Experts recommend that the original image be taken from at least 
35mm film; two-and-a-quarter-inch format or large sheet film is 
better yet. You can shop around for a local color lab, but good old 
Eastman Kodak is already one jump ahead of you, as it has 
assembled a brochure listing, in Zip Code sequence, 182 profes- 
sional color labs that specialize in processing outsized photos. To 
obtain it, write to Eastman Kodak, Department 4121-533, 343 
State Street, Rochester, New York 14650. Once you pick a lab, the 
fun really begins. Your walls will thank you for the memories. 


These interiors, designed for Kodak 
by Ron Doud, Lisa Elfenbein and 
Brian Thompson, show some of the 
possibilities of photo art. Atl 
simple subject—a loaf of bread — 
becomes a design element 
complementing the monochro- 
matic scheme of the kitchen with 
blasts of color, Below: A photo- 
graph of the large window in the 
main room—including the mold- 
ings, blinds and outside view—was 
printed the same size and placed 
opposite the real McCoyto create a 
startling trompe l'oeil. 


At left: Photo planks of the moon walk 
coincide with a changing moon series. 
Photo planks— with wood backing, 
faced with parallel strips oí U-shaped 
molding brackets—can be adapted 
easily and inexpensively. An extrava- 
gantly enlarged photo of a floral 
bouquet is suspended from the ceiling. 


293 


GRAPEVINE 


— 7 — © 
Bo Derek isn't the only 10 around Hollywood these 


days. This month's celebrity breast award goes to 
gorgeous model/actress BARBARA CARRERA. Back 
in 1977, we photographed her with a bunch of men 
who turned into animals. Do you have to ask us why? 


© 1079 ROBERT MATHEU 


gw | 


What Sort of Men Read PLAYBOY? 

‘The first family of American punk started out singing about sniffing glue. Now, after the 
success of Rock ‘n’ Roll High School, a cinematic ode to student self-determination, 
THE RAMONES are movie stars. Although we happened to catch them checking 
ош the Playmate centerfold, we know the boys regularly buy PLavsoy for the articles. 


© 1979 LYNN GOLDSMITH, INC. 


Svelte Belt 
Singer TEDDY PENDERGRASS oozes sexuality onstage, say his female fans. So, for his 
‘own protection, he’s considering beefing up his security force before his next tour. Here 
294 are a couple of attractive prospects who look as if they'd get a kick out of the job. 


WILLIAM KAREL/SYGMA 


Curtain Call 


You last saw LESLEY ANN WARREN in a TV movie, Portrait of a Stripper. Soon 
you'll be seeing her again in a six-hour miniseries, Beulah Land (from the best-sel- 
а: ling novel set in the Civil War South). Sorry, fellas, no garter belts in this опе. 


ҮТ >> 
ҮШ 


9 

es = 
-- g 
& 


өш 


Eat to the Beat 


We've heard that singer TOM JONES's most ardent fans 
have been known to throw underwear at him duri ng his his 
concerts. Now we have proof. After careful exami 
eve Conduite iese шише are nob the ible kini. 


MICHAEL CHILDERS /SYGMA SS 


Omo SICHABD Е AARON THU DES THUNES 


The Glitterati 


Неге аге the ladies of the Eighties, GILDA and BETTE. 
Midler certainly deserves an Oscar for The Rose. 
Radner is a good Emmy bet for this, probably her final 
season on Saturday Night Live. And either or both of 
them could pick up a Tony and/or a Grammy. That 
pretty well wraps up the start of this decade. 295 


2% 


SEX NEWS, 


WE NEVER MET А BREAST 
WE DIDN'T LIKE 


A number of recent studies seem to 
show that women in authority com- 
mand less esteem from both men and 
women than do their male counter- 
parts. Psychologist Edward B. Klein 
claims that it all goes back to infancy, 
when we were clutching at Mother's 
breasts for sustenance. Citing the work 
of Melanie Klein, a psychoanalyst in the 
Thirties, the contemporary Klein ге- 
ports that early unpleasant feeding ex- 
periences coaxed us to divide the 
bosom into good breast and bad breast. 
We learned to associate our baser, less 
agreeable feelings with the bad breast 
and our pleasant, well-fed satisfaction 
with the good one. According to Klein, 
the bad breast rears its ugly areola 
whenever we meet a woman in power. 


MACHO MAN 


Anthropologists studying popula- 
tions in southern Spain asked members 
of the working class to define the word 


We alll know that cleanliness is next to godliness and/or noth- 
ingness. Private Lives, an Evanston, Illinois, bath shop, sells 
some sexy products (above) to get nearer, my God, to thee. 


even more macho than the man. In 
folk songs, she is perceived as powerful 
and sexually insatiable—an animal that 
must be tamed. 


You may have seen these ceramic panties on 
TV. Don't let your girl wear them—they're 
uncomfortable and inhibit normal sexual re- 
lations, But they make a fine plant hanger. 


TONGUE DEPRESSOR 


Dentists claim that the popularity 
of oral sex has created an increase in 
oral gonorrhea. Right now, says one 
researcher, two percent 
of all gonorrhea cases 
reported are of the oral 
variety. Often, the telltale 
lesions go undiagnosed 
because the victims nev- 
er suspect that they've 
got anything more than 
a cold sore. The mucus 
of the mouth rivals the 
genital area for fecun- 
dity, so many genital in- 
fections (such as herpes 
ID will spread to the 
mouth when given the 
chance. Tsk-tsk. Maybe 
you should brush after 
every meal. 


SEX ED NEEDED— 
BADLY 


Maybe you've seen 
the statistics: Nearly 40 
percent of all 16-year- 
olds have had sex. About 
35 percent have either 
given or gotten oral sex 
by the age of 16. Good 
for them; but don't as- 


macho. Here are some of the replies: A 
macho is a man who would make love 
to a shovel if you put a dress on it; a 
man like the bull or the goat; a highly 
sexed animal—he conquers and rav- 
ishes the female; he lets no nubile 
woman pass On the street without eat- 
ing her up with his eyes; he cannot be 
Platonically friendly with a woman un- 
less she is very, very ugly and he is 
very, very stupid. Oddly, another part 
of the report said the Spanish woman is 


sume they know what 
they're doing. While studying male sex- 
uality, a group of Florida researchers 
discovered a wellspring of misinforma- 
tion when they interviewed fellows be- 
tween the ages of 17 and 19. Nearly 
half of the Tallahassee youths thought 
that an 1.0.0. should be inserted each 
time sex takes place. Thirty-six percent 
believed that postcoital douching is a 
reliable contraceptive. Almost a quarter 
of the lads figured that female orgasm 
is necessary for pregnancy. Life is cruel, 


guys, but it's not that cruel. And of the 
20 percent who think the rhythm meth- 
od really works, we ask an old ques- 
tion: Do you know what to call people 
who use the rhythm method? Parents. 


RAPE: NEW VICTIM 


Efforts by women's groups have 
rightfully generated more attention to 
the plight of the rape victim. Now 
professionals recognize a previously 
overlooked victim—the husband or 
boyfriend of the female who has been 
raped. Men react with a variety of 
emotions to the rape of a loved onc. 
Some express guilt that they weren't 
there to prevent the crime—or they 
want to “kill the s.o.b."" Others respond 
with jealousy, as though their mascu- 
linity had been threatened. Some men 
even ask the size of the rapist's penis. 
The complaints seem to boil down to 
a loss of self-esteem. Maryland psy- 
chologist Dr. Robert A. Phillips, Jr., 


T-SHIRT OF THE MONTH 


April fool. 


urges that such men should organize 
groups to express their feelings and re- 
claim their lost pride. He believes that 
would draw out feelings that would 
otherwise be repressed. Also, men 
might be better prepared to deal with 
the rape-related problems of their 

spouses or girlfriends. Ba 


Efficiency Experts 
Before you go out and buy 
a pair of power-hungry, watt- 
guzzling speakers (and a monster 
amplifier to drive them) consider 
the intelligent solution: efficient 
speakers. The kind of speakers 
you can now get from the new 
Fisher. 
И The Fisher ST460 speaker 
system will accurately reproduce 
live concert hall sound levels 
of 110 dB with only 30 watts of 
amplifier power. (Some acoustic 
suspension speakers need 400 
watts for the same sound level!) 
Suddenly, it becomes obvious 
that instead of a completely new 
audio system, all you may really 
need are new speakers — from the 
new Fisher. 
Efficient speakers let even 


Foam half-roll surround. 
Highly damped cone 
Dust cover. 


High temperature 
aluminum bobbin 


4-layer voice coll. 


High-energy 
ferrite magnet 


High strength steel гете 


modest amplifiers coast along 
within their operating limits. 
That means undistorted amplifier 
power delivering true-to-life 
music — which is what you're 
really after, right? 


Building high efficiency into 
speaker systems isn't easy, which 
is why it isn't done so often. 

It takes a lot of engineering savvy. 
For example, take a look inside 
the ST460. We make the 15" 
woofer especially sensitive to 
low-power amplifier signals. 
To accomplish this we built a 
short-throw voice coil immersed 
in an intense magnetic field. 
À This required a huge 40 ounce 
magnet with specially 
designed T-shaped pole- 
piece to focus the magnetic 
lines of force. Then we 
mated the woofer to a 
| computer-designed vented 
| enclosure that reinforces 
the bass output for an 
impressive low end response. 
We make the woofer 
ourselves in our modern Milroy, 
Pennsylvania plant. And we follow 
the same design approach to 
enhance the efficiency of the 
ST460's midrange drivers and 
tweeter. To further increase 
efficiency without compromising 
performance we put special low- 


loss ferrite-core inductors 
and non-polarized capacitors 
in the crossover network. 
The result is a circuit 

that minimizes phase shift 
distortion. 

Then we added midrange 
and treble controls on the 
ST460 to let you fine-tune 
the music to your liking. 

And because the ST460 can 
handle a lot of power (130 
watts) as well as a little, we 
incorporated a circuit breaker 
to prevent damage to the drivers 
under overload conditions. 

More and more audiophiles 
are coming to appreciate the 
distinct advantages of high effi- 
ciency speaker systems, Their 
demand for our products has made 
Fisher one of the world’s largest 
speaker manufacturers. And while 
we build many speakers to 
keep up with this unprecedented 
demand, each and every one 
is made with the same care and 
craftsmanship that has made 
Fisher the premier name in high 
fidelity for over 40 years. 

The best way for you to 
appreciate our high-efficiency 
speakers is to hear them. That can | 
be arranged at your nearest 
Fisher dealer, where the ST460 and 
other fine Fisher speakers 
and high fidelity products await 
your audition. 


Fisher Corp. 1979. 


2 FISHER 


The first name in high fidelity? 


PLAYBOY 


298 


Classic English Leather". The fresh, 
clean, masculine scent a woman 
loves her man to wear. ..or nothing at 
all. Wind Drift*. A clear, crisp call to 
adventure... refreshing as the wind 
from the sea. Timberline®. Briskand 
woodsy, exhilarating as the great 
outdoors. In After Shave, Cologne, 
Gift Sets, and men’s grooming gear. 
At fine toiletry counters. 


. English Leather. 


Northvale, New Jersey 07647 © 1978 
Available in Carada 


NEXT MONTH: 


MOVIE YEAR 


PAPAGENO'S HIDEOUT 


HIGH FLIERS TOUGHEST SPORT 


“THE ISLAM СОММЕСТІОМ”--А5 HEAD OF AMERICA’S LARGEST 
MOSLEM GROUP, WALLACE MUHAMMAD IS THE MAIN LINK 
BETWEEN THE MIDDLE EASTERN FOLLOWERS OF ISLAM AND U. S. 
BLACKS. WHAT HE DOES MAY AFFECT YOU. A PROFILE BY BRUCE 
MICHAEL GANS AND WALTER L. LOWE 


“ETIQUETTE FOR THE EIGHTIES"—SHOULD A GENTLEMAN 
SERVE CAVIAR WITH QUAALUDES? IS THERE A PROPER WAY TO 
INVITE YOUR FRIENDS TO A V.D. CLINIC? ANSWERS TO THOSE 
AND OTHER PRESSING QUESTIONS—BY BRUCE FEIRSTEIN 


GAY TALESE TELLS WHAT IT WAS REALLY LIKE TO SPEND SEVEN 
YEARS STUDYING THE SEXUAL MORES OF THE U.S. IN PREPARA- 
TION FOR HIS BLOCKBUSTER: BOOK THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE IN 
А HARD-HITTING PLAYBOY INTERVIEW 


“THE YEAR IN MOVIES”—THESE ARE THE AWARDS YOU 
WON'T SEE PRESENTED ON OSCAR NIGHT. A NEW FEATURE IN 
WHICH WE CELEBRATE THE THINGS WE LOVED (AND HATED) AT 
THE FLICKS: THE GORIEST MURDER, THE DUMBEST DEATH, 
THE STEAMIEST SEX, THE MOST NAUSEATING TOY, ETC. 


“РРАРАСЕМО”--ТЕМ5ІОМ MOUNTS AS AN IVY LEAGUE HIT MAN 
HAS TO HIDE OUT IN THE DESERT AWAITING HIS NEXT ASSIGN- 
MENT. A COMPELLING TALE—BY ASA BABER 


"STEWARDESSES"—WILL OUR UNVEILING OF FLIGHT ATTEND- 
ANTS FULFILL YOUR FONDEST FANTASIES? TUNE IN NEXT MONTH 
AND FIND OUT. YOU MAY BE SURPRISED. . 


“THE TOUGHEST JOB ІМ SPORTS"'—IS IT HARDER TO BE A 
BASEBALL CATCHER OR A HOCKEY GOALIE? WILL YOU GET ULCFRS 
FASTER FROM DRIVING THE GRAND PRIX OR FACING ALI? JAY 
STULLER KNOWS—AND TELLS 


“THE (SUR)REAL MISS WORLD"—WHEN LATIN LOVELY SIL- 
VANA SUAREZ LAID DOWN HER BEAUTY-QUEEN CROWN, SHE 
STEPPED INTO A MAGRITTE SUITE. A TANTALIZING PICTORIAL 


“SEX IN AMERICA: BOSTON"—ANOTHER IN OUR SERIES OF 
ARTICLES TESTING THE SEXUAL TEMPERATURE OF OUR CITIES. 
BOSTON IS A GOOD PLACE TO GET SCROD, SAYS KEN BODE 


“MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE RANCH"—EVEN THE MOST 
CITIFIED OF DUDES CAN HAVE A BALL RIDING, ROPING AND 
WRANGLING AT A WESTERN GUEST RANCH. OUR TRAVEL EDI- 
TOR, STEPHEN BIRNBAUM, HELPS YOU CHOOSE 


Get these 12 radio classics at 
prices worth broadcasting. 

Now you can go back to the "Golden Age 
of Radio" at a price that won't set you 

у back These LP and 8-track recordings or 
cassettes normally sell for 56.00 and 
$7.00. Old Grand-Dad offers them to you 
for only $2.99 and $3.99. 


That's where you'll find the order forms. If 
you can't find our display, send a check or 
money order to “Old Grand-Dad Radio 
Offer; Nostalgia Lane, Inc. 200 West 57th 
Street, New York, NY 10019. $2.99 for 
records and $3.99 for 8-tracks and 
cassettes. New York residents add 8% 


Old Grand-Dad. For generations, 
Head of the Bourbon Family: 


Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskeys. B6 proof and 100 proof. Battie in Bond. 04 Grand-Dad Distillery Co, Frankfort, Ky 40601. 


Look for our display at your store. == 


sales tax. Offer void where prohibited. Ё 


Benson & Несібе 
Mights , 


M 


Ж 
Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined | | 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health 
е, by FIC method. 


ИШК, a