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10 AGAINST ONE.

THE MAGIC OF CLARION'S NEW MAGITUNE FM DUTWEIGHS
TEN LEADING GAR STEREOS IN SAN FRANCISCO CHALLENGE.

The San Francisco
area may be a visual delight
but it’s a nightmare for car
stereo reception.

That’s why Clarion
chose it to test our magical
Magi-Tune FM against ten
of the best car stereos made. -

We asked ten leading P"
Bay Area dealers to choose §
what each considered to be
his best FM car stereo. Using
the same antenna, the same
speakers and the same
power supply, we drove
around and had each expert PP
listen, then weigh the quality (FE
of Magi-Tune’s performance

become “mixed” causing interference
noise which degrades the reception
uality. Magi-Tune FM utilizes two
ual Gate MOS FETS. One in RF
"| Amp and one in Mixer, to greatly im-
prove RF Intermodulation distortion.
Strong signal areas also experi-
ence another phenomenon — jumping.
That's where adjacent or alternate
channels interfere with the station
youre listening to. Magi-Tune utilizes
a narrow band filter to minimize the
jumping effect. This improves selec-
tivity and also permits the design of a
more sensitive tuner section. Result-
ing in a superior performing design.
Finally, there's the Pin Diode.

А ВЕ. Ош Clarion engineers have designed
against his own choice. = anew LO/DX Circuit using a Pin
Now taking on ten of oz Diode. What it does is expand the
the best may sound foolish usable range of FM

so before we give you the re-
sults, here’s our reason why:
Let's start with the Magi- reduce interference
Tune Signal Activated Stereo à "ү 2” noise.
Control. The all new SASC circuit و‎ ; Now with all that
significantly reduces noise by auto- * going for us we knew it was
matically and smoothly adjusting really no contest. Clarion's
* the degree of stereo separation to Magi-Tune won hands down.
the optimum point while still main- Out of ten tests we got nine
taining stereo imaging. wins and one tie: It was so one-
Put simply, in weak signal sided it almost seemed unfair.
areas the familiar switching noise Clarion’s new Magi-Tune FM.

reception in strong
signal areas to greatly

between stereo and mono is virtually Theres a small difference. Like
eliminated. / between night and day.
Next, Magi-Tune has Dual SPANASORIGCO aE

Gate MOS FET Front End. In strong
signal areas, where there are several
strong stations, FM signals can

Clarion

QUALITY FOR THE MAGIC IN MUSIC.

E
i

Marlboro

LIGHTS

Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined TE AE: d

$ ллы
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. ИТЕ ААТ)
100's: 12 mg" 0.8 mg nicotine av. por cigarette by FTC Method:

EN LITTLE was almost right. It's not the sky that's f

g out of the sky. Consulting E

ensed
July of 1975 that a
when he wrote th

e salety was a contradiction in terms
aynoy article You Gotta Believe. Then,
in May of last year. several of our PLAYBOY colleagues were
killed in the infamous crash of flight 191 at Chicago's O'Hare
ixport. That wagedy prompted Gonzales to take а deeper
look at the continuing problem in a two-part series, begi
ning in this issue, titled Airline Safety: A Special Report. Art-
ist Ron Villeni's illustrations Lor the piece are pretty special. too.
On the subject of our departed colleagues, one of them.
Managing Editor Sheldon Wax, was the inspiration for our
staff writing award, the Waxy, presented for the best of the
unattributed text in PLAYBOY, text such as this column. This
year's winner (for his text and captions on The Great Play-
mate Hunt, January 1979) is Associate Editor Walter L. Lowe,
who was presented the Waxy—appropriately, a typewriter
ball impaled on a thin metal shaft—plus cnough bread to get
into serious trouble,
Trouble is no str
alter he spent three
as they went about. their
tougher sections of Gotham

о writer Den Greenburg, суре
g months with New York's finest
ppointed rounds in some of the
Greenburg tells why the cops arc
The Good Guys in his report, illustrated by Charles Shields.

Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, Gonzo Jou
the DEA and prototype for the character Duke in the
Doonesbury comic strip. is now the subject of a тој
Where the Buffalo Roam. We could think of no better wri
to cover the event than Craig Vetter, whom we tried to kill off
a while ago through our Pushed to the Edge series. Vetter
survived that, but it probably wasnt n 5 difficult as his
on-location article, Destinalion Holly ed by
Bill Rieser.

Your survival may depend on how well you negotiate your
next salary writer Andrew Tobias introduces you to
the world’s best negotiator and his strategies in Winning
Through Negotiation, a look at how Herb Cohen trades bids
with corporations, governments and individuals—anyone who
wants a bigger slice of the pie

Getting a lile esia is also the subject of Seymour,
ichler's short story in this issue, part of his forth-
g book Joshua Then und Now. to be published by
pout a compulsive philanderer who almost gets
cuppance.
€ stepping out—lor a date, that is—check out
Critics’ Choice, compiled by Dick Brass, Currently restaurant
tic and food editor lor WNBG-TV in New York. During
his 18 months of research, Brass put on 40 pounds, which he
es to have shed by the time you read u
Presidential candidate John Anderson of Ilinois has a long
n the G.O.P. nomination, but he's been
looking strong enough for us to send Robert Scheer oll to
the campaign ur Playboy Interview with the maverick
Republican Congressman. Scheer. you'll remember, did our
famous Jimmy Carter intervi ш strike twice?

Our own а I over. We started with 12
candidates and after some exauci es, we finally
chose our Playmate of the Year, Dorothy Straten. Mario Cosilli
got the nod [or I portrait and Dorothy, who has
ady launched collected a bonanza of
You can share her ously on pages 221-2!

And you shouldn't overlook June Playmate Ole Rey, though
she stands only 5/2" tall, What there is of her ely
nged that you'll want to spend some extra time with
Richard Fegley's centerfold shot. Now is a good time to start

st, freelance tester for

way to go to wi

GREENBURG

RICHLER

PLAYBOY.

vol. 27, по. 6—june, 1980 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN’S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE
PUAYBILU СК сс ы ы fee tees 3
THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY . n
DEAR PLAYBOY ........ 15
PLAYBOY AFIR HOURS у... a cala seins pneus 27
MUSIC |... TRO pde Tom
New Wave roundup; a visit with James Brown.
Reged ioa ч ЕРОС РЕР 38
Our correspondent becomes a male stripper—and wins a line for life.
MOVIES . e ang E EM ms 44
Wambaugh scores again; passable new comedies.
BOOKS .......- د‎ 0
Amazing! It's now permissible to talk with Linda Lovelace.
COMING ATTRACTIONS O ca cere Te 56
How's thot again? Julie Andrews in a film about a porno movie?
PLAYBOY'S TRAVEL GUIDE ........ -..-. STEPHEN BIRNBAUM 59
So you think you have rights? Not in the Customs line, you hoven't.
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR ...... ТАТО cue 63
THE PLAYBOY FORUM .............. X v САА 7
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: JOHN ANDERSON—candid conversation ..... 83

It's an uphill battle, fighting for the Republican nomination, and Congressman
John Anderson talks about the things he's learned about himself—and
America—along the way.

SEYMOUR—Achionl= е MORDECAI RICHLER 124
Seymour didn't really expect to make love to oll the women in the world. Just
those he laid eyes on.

FELLINI'S FEMINIST FANTASY—pictorial ........................ 128
A sneak preview of Federico Fellini's latest film, City of Women (in which
Marcello Mastroianni has the unliberated man's ultimate nightmare], plus the
film's most beautiful actresses (liberated from their clothes).

AIRLINE SAFETY: A SPECIAL REPORT—erticle . . LAURENCE GONZALES 135
CODD S We put a lot of faith in both man and machine when we strop ourselves into
| | an airplane. This first installment of a two-part report may convince you that
our faith is misplaced.

. 139

ner, we give

PLAYBOY'S GIFTS FOR DADS & GRADS—merchandise .....
With the school year ending and Father's Day just around the
you a chance to pick your presents early,

DESTINATION HOLLYWEIRD—article .............. CRAIG VETTER 143
On location with the people audacious enough to try making a movie of the
life and times of Gonzo Journalist Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, one of the few true

Scary Air Р. 135 kamikaze mentalities this side of Japan.

ES: PLAYBOY BUILDING. элэ NORTH MICHIGAN AVE.. CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 RETURN FC
от PUBLICATION AND COPYRIGHT PURPOSES AND Ai SUBJECT TO PLAYBOYS UNIESTAICTED RIGHT YO EDIT AND то COMMENT EDITORIALLY. CONTENTS COPYRIGHT È эт PLAYBOY. ALL
ANO PLACES 15 PURELY COINCIDENTAL, CREDITS: COVER: PLAYMATE / MODEL DOROTHY STRATTEN. PHOTOGRAPHED BY MARIO CASILLI. OTHER PHOTOGRAPHY BY: MERRY ALPERM | LYNN GOLDSMITH
INC., P. 19; BILL ARSENAULT, P. 3; DEBORAH BEER. P. 128. 129 (2), 150 (2). 131, 132 (2); PHILLIP DIXON. P. 12; JONAS DOYYDENAS. P, 3; PAUL ELSON, Р. 192, 193 (2): VERSER ENGLEMARD,
T. 3 SUL FISKIN, P. 12; ARMY FREYTAG. P. 20; JIN GLOBUS, P. зе: © LYNN GOLDSMITH, INC.. P. 12, 13. MARTHA КАРТАН, P. 3; RICHARD KLEIN. P. 3. 151 (1). 252 (2); LARRY L. LOGAN, T.
11 (3), GARRICK MADISON, P. 207; FRANCO MAROCCO, т. 122; FRANK LOTZ MILLER, P. 192; KERRY KORRIS, P. ) (3): PIERLUIGI, F 126: POMPEO POSAR, P. 13; ROBERTO ROCCHI. P- 129, 120,

COVER STORY

West Coast Photography Editor Marilyn Grabowski produced this Morio Casilli photo-
graph of Dorothy Stratten, our Playmate of the Year. For more of Dorothy in one of the

} y d most delicious pictorials you ve ever seen, turn to page 168. The lucky lepidopterid on

„ж the upper left got this job because it can sing as well as do impersonations. In fact, its
٩

ыа

calling card reads: “Float like a rabbit, sing for my fee.” Only the greatest for Dorothy.

|
SUGAR RAY—playboy's playmate of the month ......... . 14
Ola likes lollipops, but, as you'll see, that's the only childlike thing about her.
PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor ................... iere. 156
WINNING THROUGH NEGOTIATION—article ..... ANDREW TOBIAS 158

Herb Cohen teaches the art of negotiation to corporations, governments and
ordinory people like us who just want a larger slice of the pie. Take his tips
ond drive a better bargain.

GO LIKE THE WIND!—attire ................... -DAVID PLATT 161 Buffalo
After years of the skimpy look, suddenly it's fashionable ogain for men to wear
fuller-cut swim trunks.

THE GOOD GUYS—article ................ ...DAN GREENBURG 166
The author patrols the streets with some of New York's toughest and finds that
being a cop means doing the impossible for the ungrateful.

PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR—pictorial .... 355350168.
Lost August's Playmate, Dorothy Stratten, was your, ‘ond our, favorite centerfold
lady of 1979. She's our queen, and we've given her a royal assortment of gifts.

Swim Fashions

THE LAND OF COCAINE—ribald classic ........................ 181

COLD 8 SPIKED—food and drink ............ EMANUEL GREENBERG 183
Ice cream with a boost of spirits makes the summer just a little sweeter.

LE ROY NEIMAN SKETCHBOOK:
COCKFIGHTING IN THE PHILIPPINES—pictorial

CRITICS’ CHOICE—artide ..................... -...DICK BRASS 190
We enlisted the help of 120 experts familiar with top restaurants all over the
country to come up with this list of the best 25.

PLAYBOY FUNNIES humor TEAS SS aleam ogee gs = =. 98
IPLAY BONS PIPELINES: 5 Е EE E UT еее 207
Tips on how to move to a new home with a minimum of hassle and five great
troin trips.
MY FEAR OF DENTISTS—humor ................ SHEL SILVERSTEIN 238
From the book Different Donces, published by Harper & Row.
PLAYBOY: POTPOURRI Е ЕДЕ uie eret am <= 1252
A FONDLY HANDLED HISTORY OF SEX:
PART IX—humor ........ ern Doudou ad ARNOLD ROTH 265
PLAYBOY'S INFORMED SOURCE ....... o bee omen cs 281
A guide to cosmetic surgery for men.
PLAYBOY PUZZLE ..... Lr aec NET S RS ЖОБА 293
PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE . 295
Pump jugs; the no-sweat sweat-shirt look; a deluxe Beverly Grape- i
vine, Roving Eye and Sex News. Cockfigh! Color
131, 133; MANS ROTHLISBERGER, P. 225 (1): TODD SMITH, P. 224 (9; VERNON L. SMITH, P. 3 (3); MICHAEL WEINSTEIN, P. 3: WIDE WORLD, P. 13. ILLUSTRATIONS BY: DAN CLINE. P. 209. тет
U2); JOANN CALEY, P. 281. P, 14€, LONG GROVE CONFECTIONERY, INC, P- 18), JEWELRY BY TRABERT в HOEFTER JEWELS. P, 129, 130, 131, INTERIORS BY SANDRO PETTI: ғ. 132, INTERIORS BY
Ee OY SHEL SILVERSTEIN, cornent D 1575 br pectet м. INSERTS: PLAYIOY BOOK CLUN CARD BETWEEN P. ав 4h, 255-259; PLAYBOY CLUB INTERNATIONAL CARD BETWEEN
PLAYBOY (155M 0032-1478), JUNE, 1980, VOL. 27, но. 6. PUBLISHED MONTHLY BY PLAYBOY TH NATIONAL AND REGIONAL EDITIONS, FLAYBOY BLDG., этэ N, MICHIGAN AVE, смао Wi. sosm, Š

CONTROLLED CIRCULATION POSTAGE PAID AT CHICAGO, ILLINOIS. SUBS.: IN THE U.S., $16 FOR 12 ISSUES, POSTMASTER: SEND FORM 3579 TO PLAYEOY, F.C. POX Z420, BOULDER, COLO, 00302,

PLAYBOY

There's nothing more revealing
than a naked diamond.

The diamond you buy should have nothing to hide. That's why it's
advisable to select your stone and mounting separately.

Before a diamond is mounted, your jeweler can easily demonstrate
its cut, color, clarity and carat weight to you. With his help, you will be
able to see and compare the brilliance of different stones yourself.

Brilliance is the key to beauty in diamonds. Always look for a
diamond that has been cut and polished to bring out all of its
natural brilliance, one that meets the exacting standards that have
been established as ideal. These are called ideal cut diamonds.

When a diamond is ideally cut, its 58 facets are placed in precise
relation to the others. They act as tiny mirrors, constantly capturing
and reflecting light and bouncing it back through the top of the stone
ina brilliant blaze. A diamond cut too shallow makes it look bigger, but
lets some ofthe light "leak out" through the bottom and the stone
appears watery. Опе cut too deep lets light "leak" through the sides
and appears black in the center when compared to an ideal cut
diamond.

LK Ideal Cut Diamonds ensure you of getting the most beauty and
value for your investment.

They are available at fine jewelers throughout the k
country who display this symbol:

IDEAL CUT
DIAMOND
JEWELER
If you'd like more information, call or write:

Lazare Kaplan & Sons, Inc.
666 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10019 (212) 757-5200

PLAYBOY

HUGH M. HEFNER
editor and publisher

NAT LEHRMAN associate publishe

ARTHUR KRETCHM
ARTHUR PAUL art director
GARY COLE photography director
G. BARRY GOLSON executive editor

editorial director

ГОМ STAEBLER executive art director

EDITORIAL

ILES: JAMES MORGAN edilor; STAFF:
IAM J. HELMER, GRETCHEN MC NEESE, DAVID
STEVENS Senior editors; JAMES R. PETERSEN
senior staff writer; ROBERT E. CARR, WALTER L-
LOWE, BARBARA Ni JOHN REZEK associate
editors; BLUMENTHAL staff writer;
york
SA GROSCH, KATE NOLAN, J

PASAVANT assistant edil
SERVIC RES: TOM OWEN modern liv-
ing editor; кю WALKER assistant editor
T fashion director; CARTOON:
urry editor; COPY: ARLENE BOURAS edito
SEAN asinek assistant editor; JACKIE JOHNSON
FORMELLER, MARCY MARCHI, BARI LYNN NAS

SCHULTZ,
searchers;
BABER, STEPHEN BIRNBAU
ER, LAWRENCE GRO!
ANSON MOUNT, PETER ROSS RANGE, RICHARD
RHODES, JOHN SACK, ROBERT SHERRILL, DAV
STANDISH, BRUCE WILLIAMSON (movies); CO:
SULTING EDITORS: LAWRENCE 5. DIETZ,
LAURENCE GONZALES

O'CONNOR, те

ART

Kerc POPE managing director; LEN wu
suski senior directors; ROR POST,
WILLIAMSON associate directors; BRUCE HANSEN,
тико KOUVATSOS, JOSEPH PACZEK assistant
directors; BETH KASIK senior arl assistant;
PEARL MIURA, JOYCE PEKALA arl assistants;
SUSAN HOLMSTROM traffic coordinator; BAR-
HARA HOFFMAN administrative assistant

PHOTOGRAPHY

MARILYN GRAHOWSKE west coast editor
COHEN, JANICE MOSES associate editors;
ARD FEGLEY, POMPEO rOSAK slaf) photogra
Phers: JAMES LARSON. photo ma
ARSENAULT, DON AZUMA, DAVID CH. as
DE SCIOSE, PHILLIP DIXON, ARNY i
DWIGHT HOOKER, к. SCOTT HOOPER, RICHARD
їй, STAN MALINOWSKI, KEN MARCUS contrib-
uting photographers; FATIY WEAUDET assistant
editor: ALLEN момку (London), JEAN PIERRE
HOLLEY (Paris), Luis, STEWART (Rome) cor-
respondents: JAMES warn color lab supervi-
sor; воет curtes administrative editor

JOHN MASTRO director: ALLEN VARGO шапа
MARIA MANDIS assistant manager; YLEANOWE
WAGNER, JODY JURGETO, RICHARD QUARTAROLI
assistants

READER SERVICE
CYNTHIA LACEY акаси manager

CIRCULATION
RICHARD SMITH. director; ALVIN WIEMOLD stil-
scription manager

ADVERT
HENRY W. MARKS director

ADMINISTRATIVE
MICHAEL LAURENCE business managers
PAPANGELIS administrative editor;
cauper rights & permissions manag
DRED ZIMMERMAN administrative assistant

PLAYBOY ENTERPRE
DERICK J. panters president

, INC.

The Trimline telephone
puts the whole phone in your hand.

It's the ultimate in convenience. Everything you need
tomake call after call is in your hand.

And you know you can rely on your Trimline" phone.
It's made by Western Electric with all the reliability you
expect from genuine Bell products.

Get the Trimline phone that’s just right for you at your
Bell PhoneCenter Store. And putthe whole phone in

your hand. К
(©) vrimline

by Western Electric

Ж t
IT M I
It's perfect for conven-
ience and good looks. It
all „227 08 cornes in 10 decorator colors,
It's the perfect kitchen including new rust and choc-
phone. The dial andthe ^ ^ olatebrown. And most
disconnect button are in the colors are available with
handset. So you can stand rotary or Touch-Tone
at the stove and make as calling
many calls as you want and
never run back to the base.
Not to dial. Not to hang up
between calls
It's compact, so you can
mount it practically any-
where. And you can choose
froma variety of optional
cord lengths.

THE ATARI
PERSONAL COMPUTERS.

YOU SHOULD KNOW
WHY SO MANY PEOPLE
ARE BUYING THEM.

Computers helped to create big business and big
government.

But they've done very little for you.

Until now. Now the computer revolution is ready to
come home. Thanks, in part, to Atari.

We at Atari have made the computer easy to use and
adaptable to your needs, Whether you're planning a new
budget. playing the stock market, or simply looking for a
dise chess partner.

An Atari Personal Computer puts your

money to work for you.

Even professional managers who handle millions of
dollars are frequently unprofessional when it comes to
handling their own money.

Because they don't have the time or the tools that
are necessary for the job. That's the best argument we
know of for an Atari Personal Computer.

An Atari Personal Computer can help manage a
stock portfolio. Assist in the preparation of taxes. Figure
the best terms for a mortgage. Keep an electronic record

of income and expenses. (So
you'll know exactly what
you can and can't afford.)
Or help you decide
mathematically
whether real estate
in Goldsboro is a
better buy than
gold stock.
An Atari
Personal Com-
puter is also an
excellent place for keeping records of all kinds. From
stamp collections to premium due dates. Think how
unburdened your memory will feel when all these
things are tucked into your computer’s memory.
How to turn a smali business into
a big business.

Atari Personal Computers are powerful
enough to handle almost any kind of
business application — from accounts

receivable to inventory control. Yet they're
small enough to fit in a briefcase, so you can
solve your problems at home or at the office.
Peripherals aren't just a
sideline at Atari.

Atari's impressive array of advanced
peripheral accessories allows your system
to expand with your needs. As you
write or run larger and larger programs
you can increase the memory as well as
the performance capabilities of your
computer.

The most revolutionary
teacher's aid ever invented.
One of the things that's revolutionary

about the Atari Personal Computer is that it
adjusts its teaching speed to your child.

If your child learns faster than other
children our computer teaches faster.

If your child learns a little slower than
other children our computer teaches a little slower.
Nobody gets bored. Perhaps more importantly,
nobody gets lost.

An Atari Personal Computer has a voice that teaches,
asks questions, and tells your child whether he or she has
the right answer. If your child getsa wrong answer the

هه هه ةة قود ةةة ةدد ةةة ددر

[E3 ATARIGOO

All programs referred to or shown will be available as pre programined cartridges or cassettes in 1980, or arc examples of programs which can be written in Atari BASIC.
‘Atari reserves the nghi co modify programs or products without notice. "Programs and peripherals not included.

computer doesn’t have to
move on to someone else,
in order to save time, It waits
for your child to answer the
question correctly.

Atari has a wide
variety of these unique
Talk & Teach™ programs
for kids at all grade
levels, from primary

school to 12th grade,

Atari also has programs for adults that let you
improve your abilities in everything from economics and
accounting to supervisory skills and business communica-
tion, Atari's incredible Music Composer enlarges
your creative ability through its own ability to play
back every note that has been played on it—
even in altered keys or tempos.

Our entertainment puts your
mind to work, not to sleep.

You'll discover how much fun
"smart" entertainment is when you try
to outfox our computer in a game of chess.
Or develop a levelheaded strategy while shooting off
photon torpedoes in а game called Star Raiders.™

What makes our computer games even more
fun are the brilliant colors and true-to-life sounds.

Our games force you to think quickly, analyze moves
and outwit your Zylon opponents. Even our action
games like computer Basketball sharpen your reflexes.

In fact, Atari has more color variations, more sounds © Difficult financial times may be your best reason
and more graphics capabilities than any other for owning one.

personal computer on the market.
You don't have to know how to program it
to program it.

Just connect the computer into any television set.
Then slip in one of Atari's unique pre-programmed cart-
ridges. Or one of our cassette tapes. That’s all there is to it.

When you want to learn to write your own pro-
grams, that’s easy too.

There are several easy-to-learn programming lan-
guages and you can learn the most popular one by simply
listening to our step-by-step Talk & Teach cassette —
Invitation to Programming.™

It pays to own an Atari.
Now that you have a pretty good idea of what Atari
Personal Computers can do, we think our suggested

starting price of under #700 for the ATARI 400* should
sound reasonable.
If you're one of those people who feels that a per-
sonal computer is an extravagance in difficult financial
times, we'd like to make one more point.

PERSONAL COMPUTER SYSTEMS

1265 Borregas Ave. Dept. E, Sunnyvale, California 94086. Call toll-free 800-538-8547
(in Calif. 800-672-1404) for the names of your nearest Atari retailers.

“World’s Greatest Dad”

TROPHY STAND NOT AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE. SEAGRAM OISTILLERS CO., N. Y., N.Y.

THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY

in which we offer an insider's look at what's doing and who's doing it

COMING OF AGE IN HOLMBY HILLS

Well, it's not Manua, Samoa, but the editors
of National Geographic decided Playboy Man-
sion West might rate a pictorial for its exotic
wildlife, uh, animals. Below, Hef tries his Dr.
Dolittle impression on photog Steve Raymer.

TWO OUT OF THREE AIN'T BAD

December 1977 Playmate Ashley Cox
(left) and Savannah Smith (right) spar-
kle in this scene from the TV show
Vega$, above. As for the blonde (10р)—
that’s Christopher Morley in drag.
Hmmm; we'd say he’s about a six.

PLAYBOY TO REPRISE
JAZZ FESTIVAL

If at first you succeed,
you try to make it a hab-
it. Last year's Playboy
Jazz Festival served up
the top stars of jazz.
They'll be back at the
Hollywood Bowl June
21-22 for this year's jam.
At left, fest producer
George Wein confers
with veteran composer/
arranger/sax man Benny
Carter and Mrs. Carter at
a Mansion West kickoff.

CHAMPAGNE, LES
DAMES AND HEF

When Playboy Mansion
West was merely a stale-
ly home in Holmby Hills
known as Statham House,
Les Dames de Cham-
pagne, a group of wom-
en who are pillars of
L.A.'s social establish-
ment, hosted foreign dig-
nitaries there. Today the
dignitary in residence is
Hugh M. Hefner (right),
who welcomes Les Dames
back for a 15th reunion.

SHAKE HANDS, NO RABBIT PUNCHES, COME OUT FIGHTING

Below, ex-middleweight boxing champs Rocky Graziano (second from left) and Tony
Zale (right), fighting for the Gaucho Basketball League, a program for Harlem kids, are
escorled by Bunnies Barbi (left) and Neice. That's ex-heavyweight Frank Gio as ref.

ril A¢

THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY

PLAYMATE UPDATE

DEBRA AND ANN FIND LOVE, MARRIAGE, ROCK 'N' ROLL

We thought only teenaged girls cried when rock stars got married. That's not true
if the bride happens to be a Playmate. We found out the hard way—twice. January
1978 Playmate Debra Jensen said "I do” to Kiss's Peter Criss (right) at the posh
L'Orangerie restaurant in Los Angeles. March 1978 Playmate Ann Pennington
preceded Debra down the aisle, having married teen idol Shaun Cassidy a few
weeks earlier at his Beverly Hills home. Mother always warned us about rock 'n' roll.
Just for old-times' sake, we're reprinting herewith Debra's (below) and Ann's (far
fight) breath-taking centerfold shots. Don't mind us—we always cry at weddings.

Peter Criss the bridegroom (above) appears
to be a mere shadow of his Kiss persona (left).
That's Peter with the grease-paint whiskers,
second from left. Debra, who wears less make-
up than Peter does, is a popular model.

Lm
MISS JANUARY илгаотз дтн SP monni

We can't help thinking of Ann Pennington as the prover-
bial kid sister. Janice, her older sister, had appeared as the
May 1971 Playmate when, five years later, we discovered
Ann, who had been appearing on TV shows. The Penning-
tons are the only siblings to have graced our gatefolds in
different months. The only other sister Playmates were
the October 1970 twins, Mary and Madeleine Collinson,

After shaking the rice from their hair, the new Mr. and
Mrs. Cassidy (above) resumed their busy careers. For-
merly a TV Hardy Boy, Shaun's still fanning the flames of
young love (below). Meanwhile, Ann has become the sym-
bol of С & В Clothiers, an L.A. store whose TV commercials
she adorns with great vigor. We're hoping that Shaun can
live up to his graffiti (below right). Did Ann write that?

MISS MARCI

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Taste the pride of Canada.

MOLSON Ale. It’s the famous ale from Canada
with the pure, hearty taste that really stands up to z
a thirst. Pour yourself a MOLSON Ale soon. Ww
And wake up your taste to Canada. 4

DEAR PLAYBOY

ADDRESS DEAR PLAYBOY
PLAYBOY BUILDING
919 N. MICHIGAN AVE.
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611

THE DEREK DYNASTY
Although there have been many beau-
tiful covers in PLAYBOY'S past, the shot
of Bo Derek in March is the sexiest I
have ever seen. My compliments to
ohn Derek for his excellent photogra
phy and for sharing his beautiful wife
with us. If she's ап example of the sex
stars of the Eighties, you сап bet my
subscription will never run out
Steven P. Andersen
Westbury, New York

Not having seen “70.” I looked for-
ward to your March pictorial ol Во
Derek for my first real look at the
famed beauty. After g the pho
tos, there are many things, 1 guess, one
could s.

st. there might be mention

phy of John Derek or of the concise,
ive writing of Bruce Wil
son. Or one could remark that it is
probably one of the finest pictorials
PLAYBOY has ever published. But, unfor
tunately, at the moment, I can think of
only one thing to say: Unbelievable!
Many thanks

William Smith
Matthews, North Carolina

I can't take it anymore! | keep read
ing articles that state that John Derek's

wives Ursula Andress, Linda Evans and
Bo have all posed for PLaynoy. Well,
I've seen Ursula and I've seen Bo, but
how about revealing which issue (I
must have missed it) Linda was featured
n? I've been a fan of hers since The

Big Valley days.

Edwin T. Derecho

та, California

Linda’s pictorial, Blooming Beauty,"

photographed by John Derek, appeared
in the July 1971 issue of PLAYBOY

You've just got to feel sorry for John

Derek; the poor guy is in a terrible rut.

Ron Hall
Wonder Lake, Illinois

BRADSHAW AND BRICKBATS
Thanks for the Terry Bradshaw
w in your March issue. Mau
Levy and Samantha Stevenson did
great job. Some of the questions they
sked him did put him on the spot. but
Fm sure his resourceful answers will
help dissipate all rumors saying Brad
shaw is a dumb hick from Louisian
Terry Buckley
Staten Island, New Yor!

No question, your interview with
Bradshaw is the most inspiring piece
of work I have ever read in your

wine. It is wonderful and encour-
ging to hear а man ol his stature ta
about God. 1 know in my heart that
Jesus has read this g terview and
he is very proud of his brother for
spreading the great news of eternal lile.
Guy S. Seals
hville, Tennessee

We've never been so insulted as we
were alter reading Levy and Stevenson's
interview with Terry Bi Hing
Piusburgh a “sooty steel town,” “a sul-
len city” where “air is grayish brown’
leads me to wonder if they were in
Pittsburgh at all! Don't they realize how
we've been fighting [or years to ov
come the reputation of a dirty steel
town? Our city beautiful, alive, clean,
full of entert nt, cultu d his-
tory. We have some of the best restau-
ats in the country, as well as the best

shaw. €

teams in the entire sports world, һом-
ever "unlikely" that may seem to some.
We have a fierce pride in our сіу:

pride that allows us to s
1 we don't appre
cizing Pittsburgh

y we are
ate outsidı
айу. Stick to the

PLAYBOY, (ISSN 0032-1470), JUNE. 1500, VOLUME 27, NUMBER 6. PUBLISHED MONTHLY BY PLAYBOY, PLAYBOY BLDG., зз

N- MICHIGAN AVE., CHICAGO, ILL, 60611, SUBSEA

IONS: IN THE UNITED STATES AND ITS POSSESS
SERIPTIONS AND RENEWALS. CHANCE OF ADDRESS: SEND BOTN OLD AND NEW ADDRESSES ТО PLAYBOY, POST

NS, 329 FOR 36 ISSUES, 520
FFICE BOX 2420,

BOULDER, COLORADO 80302, AND ALLOW 45 DAYS FOR CHANGE. MARKETING: ED CONDON, DIRECTOR / DIRECT MARKETING. MICHAEL
J. MURPHY, CIRCULATION PROMOTION DIRECTOR. ADVERTISING: HENRY W MARKS, ADVERTISING DIRECTOR; HAROLD DUCHIN, mA.
TIONAL SALES MANAGER: MARR EVENS, ASSOCIATE ADVERTISING MANAGER, RICHARD ATKINS, FASHION ADVERTISING MANAGER. 247
THIRD AVENUE, NEW YORK, NEW тояк 10017; CHICAGO, PUSS WELLER. ASSOCIATE ADVERTISING MANAGER, 919 NORTH MICHIGAN
AVENUE; TROY. MICHIGAN, JESS BALLEW. MANAGER. 1001 W. DIG BEAVER ROAD; LOS ANGELES, STANLEY L- PERKINS, MANAGER
431 WILSHIRE BOULEVARD; SAN FRANCISCO, TOM JONES, MANAGER, 417 MONTGOMERY STREET

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interviewing and leave the editorials to
those with open minds and eyes.
Gerry and Jenice Vesely
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Writers Stevenson and Levy obviously
missed some of the finer points of your
fair city, Perhaps they were there on a
bad day, or perhaps they were having a
bad day when they gol there. Either
way, we have to admit they did malign
one of the great cities of the country
and we apologize for the slight. More-
over, we have sentenced Stevenson and
Levy to interv the entire defensive
line of the Steelers while taking turns
ay an opposing quarterback. A position
that will guarantee their future descrip-
tions of Pittsburgh will begin, “
skies, nothing but blue skies, do L see.”

TOMORROW'S NEWS TODAY

Ive been an avid reader of PLayuoy
lor two years now and it usually takes
me many days to go through all your
а articles and. pictorials. But 1 have
never been so engrossed as I was with
Bad Dreams in the Future Tense, by
Walter L. Lowe, in the March issue!
Keep this finc magazine on the present
high quality level and you'll have a read-
er for life.

Maki
is, Minnesota

Rodney J
Minneape

KRAZY KHOMEINI
Thank you for the look at the teach-
ings of the Ayatollah Khomeini (Rules
to Live By, ъъҳувох, March). At first, I
thought he was just an ordinary religious
fanatic like Billy Graham or Anita Bry-
ant, but this guy is nuts! To remind my
self that he controls an oil-rich country
and the fate of the 50 American hostages
is very lrightening. 1 would put him on
the century's top-ten fruitcake list.
David L. Hamilton
Omak, Washington

POT PROFITS

As a longtime advocate of marijuana
legalization, I was disappointed in Chris
Barnew’s March article, Who'd Profit
from al Marijuana?, particu
assumption that marijuana would (or
should) be treated like liquor or tobacco.
The regulation schemes he describes
would benefit the big businessman who
knows which politicians to bribe for
permits and competition-strangling leg-
islation. They would eliminate the prof-
its now being carned by smugglers and
dealers who, in the best tradition of
Adam Smith-style capitalism, risk their
liberty to serve the consumer. All this
without giving the consumer a price
break, Where will all the money go?
Barnett sees the Government as the
recipient of this windfall, which to
me is the only good argument against
tion. We've had enough of the
warfare-welfare state, the omnipresent
Government that gets involved in all

arly his

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aspects of people's lives and invariably
things up. If we are to legalize
marijuana, let's do it right and keep the
bureaucrats out of it. Otherwise, the
status quo is good enough. Smuggle
e usually trustworthy; pol
never a

William B. Gonerly, Chairman

Libertarian Party of North Carolina

Laurinburg, North Carolina

Perhaps a better question to ask would
be, "Who profits most from illegal mari
jt It clearly is not the public,
which is barely beginning to understand
the consequences of current policies; it
certainly isn't the consumer who is will-
ing to pay from $25 to $200 or more
an ounce for an herb that our Govern-
m produces—with tax dollars—at a
cost ol less than onc dollar an ouncc for
research purposes. The only
benefactors of illegal marijuana arc
those who make a multibillion-dollar
business from a sophisticated game of
cops and robbers—the international
profiteer and his ignorant or unwitting
ally, our own Federal Government. Let
us grow our own and we'll put the for-
г out of business and the latter to
more productive tasks.

Roger Winthrop, State Coordinator
Michigan NORML
Lansing. Michigan

its own

KREWS KLOUTS KLAN

Harry Crewss article about David
Duke is very distorted. T know because
I am David Duke. 1 must say that I
like Harry Crews, believe him to be
very talented and greatly enjoyed his
company, but The Buttondown. Terror
of David Duke (vLavwoy, February) is
really а shabby representation of myself
and my ideas. How could a writer who
admits that he despises my id
who constantly guzzled vodka while in-
terviewing me, be expected to give my
ideas a fair exposition? PLaynoy is
always preaching freedom of speech
press, but the. obstacles it encountere
in publishing nudity and getting it on
the newsstands of America were minor

ind

compared with the barriers now in ex-
istence stifling defense of the white
majority. И blacks talk about their

rights and wy to develop r:
their children, it's often called love and
brotherhood; but when a white person
wies to defend his basic human rights
and his heritage, it’s called hate and
The undeniable fact is that
© people today Tace a broader-based,
stitutionalized racism in hiring, pro-
motions, scholarships and college and
union admittance than blacks ever faced.
For the first time, we have ©

mandated racial discrimin;
extends not only into every
stitution but into the private
as well. 1 can back up what | say, and
that’s why | believe that Harry Crews

ial pride in

on that
public

sector

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PLAYBOY

was te when he told me that he
thought pLaynoy expected him to do а
atchet job,

ace

David Duke
Met , Louisiana
Harry Crews is a very talented writer.
In light of the subject matter and his
own feelings toward. it, his use of an
anesthetic—which he wrote about in
the piece—may be understandable. By
the way, Crews was not instructed to do
а hatchet job on the К.К.К. Frankly,
we didn’t think that was necessary.

BREAST IS BEST
І found it rather ironic that your
March. issue's Playboy After Hours sec-
tion, which regularly makes light of
other publications’ embarrassing puns
and typographical errors, contains the
phrase "Not only doesn't music have
cnough charm to soothe the savage
breast. . . ." The issue still rates а 10, in
spite of the fact that even ргАүвоү can
make an occasional Freudian slurp.
R. Harrison
Ann Arbor,

chigan

Shouldn't the correct word have been
beast? If, in fact, I am mistaken, and
you would be interested in conducting
more tests on the effects of music on a
“savage breast,” ГЇЇ be glad to provide
the music if you'll provide the breasts!

David H. Bigelow
Locust Grove, Virgi

If there's one thing we know, it’s our
I7th Century literature, men. That's
where you'll find the original quote
from William Congreve’s play “Love
for Love": “Music has charms to soothe
а savage breast.” Romantic ol Bill
wasn't the type lo try soothing beasties.

THE SOUTH HAS RISEN
Your March layout of Southern Com-
forter Henriette Allais is truly a work of
art. Henriette looks exceptionally ex-
quisite in the centerfold picture. Keep
up the good work, PLAYBOY, and keep
more beauties like Henriette coming.
James Shockney
Kokomo, Indiana

She is the most interesting. intellige
nd gorgeous and the sexiest woman I
€ ever come across. I'd love to take
romantic journey with her. Please get
photographer Arny Freytag to show the
looke ıd readers more.

Thomas Copelan

Mableton, Geor

Congratulations on excellent
choice for your March Playmate! Geor-
gia peach Henriette Allais was recently
in our city on a promotional tour. While
here, she made a number of appearances
on our radio stations, including one to
raise money for the U. S. Winter Olym-
pics effort. Everyon h whom she

came in contact was captivated һу
her charm, elegance and good humor.
PLAYBOY should be proud.

Jerry Rogers

Vice-President /General Manager

WSGA/Z-102

Savannah, Georgia

After seeing Henriette Allais in the
March issue, I definitely developed a
deeper love of the South. She is by far
the finest woman you've ever featured in
the centerfold of your magazin
show us more of her. It’

cep her all to yourself

Fran Ratkowski
Anaheim, California
There's nota selfish bone in our body,

Fran. Share and share alike, we зау.

PART-TIME PADS

Travel Editor Stephen Birnbaum
(Playboy After Hours, March), аз а
staff member of PLAvmov, ought to be
aware that the company that pays his
ry is the largest single owner of
share units in the United States.
should also know that time-sh;
are not fixed, an innovation started by
Playboy, and specific apartments are not
assigned. Wecks purchased at time-share
resorts, including Playboy, may be ex
changed through Resort Condo: iums
Intei ional for accommodations at
more than 275 locations throughout the
world. And, lastly two weeks at a
Playboy timeshare resort are anything
but boring.
hard Robyn, Director of Marketing
Leisure Resource Group.
Austin, Texas

SUZANNE SOMERS

Our February pictorial оп TV star
Suzanne Somers’ Playmate Test stirred
up such a storm of controversy about
its possible effect on her career that we

delayed publication of any letters on the
subject until we'd had a chance to sort
oul rumor from fact. The dust having
settled, here arc but a few from the
sackful of mail we received:

T must say that the pictoria
anne Somers in your February i
far the best of her nudic d.
that it will sell a lot of n
increase the ratings for one cert
work. However, if this girl had not been
brought into the public eye by the tube,
I think your esteemed Editor-Publisher,
Hugh M. Hefner, would not have given
her a second look.
Teleia Lower
Stinson Beach,

m sure
mes and
in net-

Califor

What is the matter with our hı

respected actresses have posed nude
sec no reason why a beautiful bod
beautifully photographed, needs to. be
excused (Well, gec, she was broke at
the time”). Somers is a gorgeous, brainy,
classy lady and she should be proud of
her Playmate test; we, her publi
should make her proud of it.

ry Phillips
ano, Texas

1 just want to write and thank you for
the fine pictor ne Somers.
I've often enjoyed watching this blonde
bombshell portray Chrissy on Three's
ad I'm
a long way in her career.
long time to wait, but it

s worth it
Tom Cohn
Akron, Ohio

Ace Hardware lost my business for the
rest of my life when it fired Suzanne
Somers trom its TV ads.

Herb Schott
Dunedin, Florida

Don't even listen to those who criticize
the layout or label it
Somers

your publish
а dirty trick. Im sure Miss
knew what she was doing

the shooting. By signing the photo-
release form, she must known of
the possibility of the layouts being
published. Besides, she owes PLAYBOY a
plane fare!

J. €. Michael
Woodland Hills, €

alitornia

As a longtime subscriber to rrAvsov, I
disappointed. In a word, what you
did stinks. You guys (and gals) oughta
be ashamed. Please cancel my subscrip-
tion, elective immediately.

Peter Stamelman

Sherman Oaks, Calilornia

Yes, it is a fact that Suzanne modeled
for those photos nearly ten ye;

This is the most expensive hat in America.
Were giving one away.

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PLAYBOY CASINOEI

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elegance...in the
luxurious Ambassador
Beach Hotel and Golf
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too, is it a fact that people change with
the times. Recent interviews with Su-
zanne reflect quite clearly her desire for
such things to become a part of her past
Not because of being ashamed of having
posed in the nude but because ten years
later her circumstances and priorities
have changed.

Terry Wetzteon
Billings, Montana

Hold on a second; let's get this thing
in perspective. Suzanne Somers’ media
image as a contemporary sex symbol has
been acknowledged in story and picture
in every major publication in the coun-
try. The success of the television comedy
“Three's Company" was due in large
part to that image, and there's no reason
to suspect that the folks at Ace Hardware
had anything else in mind when they
hired her as their commercial spokes-
person. As the Chicago Sun-Times com-
mented in an editorial, “Somers wasn't
hired because she knows anything about
hardware. She was hired because she was
sexy. . . . If [dee] didn't want to ex-
ploit sex, it would have hired Pat Sum-
merall away from True Value.” The
suspension of Ace's commercials featur-
ing Miss Somers, therefore, seemed lo
stretch the limits of corporate ingenu-
ousness—if not hypocrisy. We found the
photographs exuberant and Suzanne's
datasheet responses delightful. We
aren't finding a lot of merit in the argu-
ment thal the passage of time has done
anything to taint the photos or the
model. The pictures, just like Suzanne
herself, have come on like the price of
gold. Even though they were “test”
shots, the response to the published lay-
out indicates they are of more than pass-
ing interest to our readers. We do

admit, however, that we were extra lucky
in having the right model, and the right
model release, at the right time. Because
of that, when Suzanne subsequently re-
quested compensation for the photos,
we were more than happy to offer her
the $10,000 full-fledged Playmates nor-
mally get today, plus a personal gift
from Hugh M. Hefner himself. Suzanne
indicated she would accept both and
donate them to the Easter Seals cam-
paign, of which she is national chai
man. As for Ace Hardware, Chicago
Sun-Times columnist. Irw Kupcinet re-
ported in his January tenth *Kup's Col-
итп” that "Suzanne received a vote of
confidence from her sponsor apologiz-
ing for any embarrassment caused by an
erroneous story that she was fired be-
cause of the pLavnoy layout. She will be
on the Ace payroll at least until March
1981." Therefore, despite the initial un-
warranted response from Ace, Suzanne
is apparently satisfied, PLAY Boy is satisfied
and our readers gol a special treat.

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THE 30TH ANNIVERSARY
ITS HERITAGE IS PRICELESS.

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WHILE OUR ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION LASTS.

Trace Triumph’s roots over the last

thirty years and you'll uncover а line of
sports cars that belongs in a rarified class.
The TR7, a recent addition to this crowd,
fits right in. It's the perfect car to
represent thirty years of achievement.

For the occasion, we've dressed up the

TR7 in a very stylish gear. And we're
giving all of the options away, free. Over
$900 worth.

You get an AM/FM
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It's got rack and pinion steering,
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D For the nearest Triumph dealer call
ae „з, 800-447-4700; in Illinois call 800-322-4400
CE Е B Jaguar Rover Triumph Inc. Leonia, New Jersey 07605

TRIUMPH TR7Z
ITS OPTIONS ARE FREE.

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PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS

E eryone knows that politicians can
often be deadly boring. In Japan,
they can be just plain deadly. Jintaro
Itoh, a Japanese politician, stabbed him-
self in the thigh in an assassination hoax
in order to get sympathy from. voters.
He then planned to announce his
candidacy from his hospital bed. The
overzealous politician drove the knife
in too deep, however, and he bled to
death from the wound.

BORN FRIED

Joy Adamson died for your sins. When
am overstocked game farm found itself
with 85 extra pounds of lion meat, Man-
hattan’s French-Shack restaurant bought
them and put them on the menu. Own-
er Alain Dupuis, whose restaurant has
in the past served up wild boar and
bear, was ecstatic at the royal find, get-
ting more than 50 meals out of the boon.

THE WORST CRIMINAL

With crime on the upsu

hg across the
nation, it is somewhat reassuring to
learn of the existence in New York of
guys like police file number 34707902
Gregory Gatson, the worst pickpocket
in all of Manhattan. As reported re-
cently in the New York Daily News,
Gatson is a toothless 24-year-old crook
who has been caught more than 45 times
because of his unique approach to aime,

Example? One fine day, Gatson de-
cided to nab a purse. He spotted a
woman with a handbag, lunged for it
Grabbed it. Fumbled the lock.
Couldn't open it. Then, in desperation,
he tried to gum it open. “What are you
trying to do?” the woman asked, push-
ing Gatson across the sidewalk.

“I think he was tying to get your
wallet,” offered a bystander.

“Well, he's not much of a pickpocket,”
the woman remarked. “He couldn't even

with

open my purse. My fives
open my purse.”

On yet another occasion, Gatson had
to be actually rescued by police when
an intended victim, so irked with his
persistent putziness, began to pummel
him senseless at the scene of a crime.
"Help! Police!" Gatson screeched as his
face was transformed into a relief map
of Peru by his attacker's flying fists. A

cop rescued him, later commenting,
“Gregory could not pickpocket a para-
plegic."

Despite his lack of the gift of grab,
Gatson is now a legend in New York
Jaw-enforcement He's a man of
convictions and ed time for
every one of them,

ircles.
has s

MS.-GUIDED
Liberated ladies have received a
public drubbing at the hands of the
prestigious Times of London. The pub-
lication has banned the use of Ms. with-

in its pages. Trevor Fishlock, who pens
the paper's regular "London Diary"
column, expl the in oh, so
blunt terms. “This is a rallying point
lor common sense," he s "There
are several reasons why Ms. should be
allowed no air. It is artificial, ugly.
silly, means nothing and is rouen Eng-
lish, It is a
thing.
too.

ined ban

ated.

faddish, middle-class play-
And that goes for Bella Abzug,

ASHES TO ASHES, RUST TO RUST

The Isracli-Egyptian peace negotia-
tions have brightened a lot of faces
in the Middle East, but none more so
* members of
a wily Bedouin carthief ring that has
found a way to turn the negotiations
into a bonanza

Isracli officials have
than 200 stolen

than those belonging to th

discovered more
Mercedes-Benzes, Vol-
vos and other luxury cars buried be-
neath the sands of the Sinai Desert, part
of a Bedouin master plan for thievery.
‘The cars, you see, were all stolen from
Israeli territory. The car thieves, mind
ful that gyptian border is always
moving forward as a result of the Camp
David agreement, buried the Isracli cars
in a portion of the desert that soon
would be passed over by the bouncing
border. Once the site of the buried cars
became Egyptian territory, the Bedouins
planned to dig out the autos and sell
them to Egyptians at prices far below
list and sans customs duties. In another
part of the Sinai, a. number of Pintos
were alo dug up. Israeli officials chalk
that up to the work of dozens of sui-
cidal pack rats.

the

QUOTE OF THE MONTH
Former Beatles producer George Mar-
on the possibil
the four: "First of
rehearse for

ty of a reunion of
I, they'd have to
two years to get back to

PLAYBOY

the level they were when they stopped.
Second, what material would they do?
Their old stuff! Nobody wants to hear
it anymore.” At least now we know who
buried Paul.

SOX AND VIOLENCE
White House Secret Service agents
experienced a communal seizure recently
when a routine X ray of a package ad-
dressed to Vice-President Walter Mor
dale showed и to contain wires and
batteries. Alerting bomb-squad experts,
the agents rushed the package out onto
a safe area of the grounds. There, sharp-
s fired several rounds the
small parcel in an attempt to detonate
the bomb. Alter being bombarded by
bullets, the package collapsed into
shreds. Agents then crept up to the
parcel and examined what was left of
the contents, There, in tatters, were the
remnants of a pair of electric socks sent
to the Veep by an admirer. Oh, Fritz,
always the live wire.

shoot

into

MONKEY BUSINESS

Cape Town, South Africa, which has
had its share of unrest with local in-
habitants, is now having problems with
yet another clement of its population—
the baboons. ОГ late, baboons have
been monkeying around with their hu-
man counterparts in a most alarming
way. A group of 92 school children
ick packing across Table
was bushwhacked by г of baboons
that snatched the rucksacks off the kids’
backs. dumped the contents onto the
ground and made off with the lunches.
Two arlier, a group of hikers
had been held up in a similar manner
by a group of impromptu baboon
brunchers and one week previous to
1 haltdozen baboons had sur-
prised a party of picnickers, pilfering
beer, wine and cigarettes.
Government officials are keeping mum
to the extent of the baboon brash-
ess, but word has leaked ош of Cape
own that a spokesman for the Baboon
Liberation Front has stated that the
raids will cease only when (1) all ani
mals at the Cape Town Zoo are allowed
to elect the custodian of their
id (2) Johnny Weissmuller is released
‘om his California rest home.

GAY ABANDONED

After Dark ‚ the Bible of
the gay showbiz set, is going straight
Claiming that the “gay stigma" has
limited the magazine's growth and prof-
its, editor Charles Kriebel stated that
the monthly publication is ceasing its
efforts to court the homosexual crowd.
Alter 11 years. After Dark will no long-
er run photos of nude men. Not only
that but “We зу from p
ty pictures of pretty men," Kriebel ex-
plained, While continuing to focus on the

Mountain

weeks

choi

magazi

gettin

entertainment world, the new, straight-

anarrow publication will broaden its
base of appeal, gearing itself to “all
men and women, gay or straight. Any-
one sophisticated." Rumo it that,
in an effort to erase the gay sti
forever, words such as Bruce, cupcake,
size D battery and nozzle will be banned
from all future issues.

CHECKING IN
We asked Washington Star reporter
Nancy Collins to talk with comedian
Albert Brooks to find out how he conducts
his real life.

PLAYBOY: What are the problems with
being a young Jewish stud?

BROOKS: Actually. the biggest problem
is rubbers. Finding the
sravmoy: What do you find sexu
attractive in a wom
Brooks: Knowledge and а good body—
in any order I can get them.
PLAYBOY wom:
sROOKS: You look her straight in the
eyes, tell her what time it is, tell her
what time you have to be through. and
then let her average it out.
pLaysoy: What is the funniest p
the sex act?

BROOKS: |
PLAYBOY: Н
orgasm?
BROOKS: Not so she could hear,

rLAYBOY: How has your sex life changed
since your movie Real Life?

BROOKS: 1 use more props.

PLAYBOY: Name some high-profile wom.
еп you find sexy.

nrooks: Julie Andrews. Jessica Savitch
an Indian woman you wouldn't kno
Marlon Brando's ex-wife, Anna Kash
fi—the one who wrote that book.
PLAYBOY: As someone who used to go
out with Linda Ronstadt, how would
you describe her relationship with Jerry
Brown?

brooks: A lot of jogging
directions.

Шу

How do you seduce

t of

ner

n different

PLAYBoy: What does Brown have that
you don't?
BROOKS: A pla
Р : H you could ask Ted Kenne-
dy one question, what would it be?

: Where he buys his socks.

ner саг.

PLaywoy: Do you find funny women
intimidating?
Rooks: No, but they're usually quite

messy.
PLAYBOY: Name th
you know.

"hooks: Monica Johns
Real Life, and Ro

funniest

women

n, writer for
Shuster, а writer

working today— [o
royd, Steve Martin, Robin Williams,
Andy an—with whom do you

feel competitive?

Brooks: If I looked at people as com-
petition, I would never have gotten into
this profession. If a producer ever says,

“Look. This is my last D and it's
either Brooks or Belushi"—then. Be-
lushi ca ve it.

vrAYBOY: Who are your heroes?

BROOKS: My father, who was a comedian

but died when I was rather young, Jack
Benny and Jonathan Winters. When 1
first heard Winters, it was really one of
those “Oh, my God" experiences.
rLAYBOY: What would bc the tide of
your autobiography?

nrooks: Yes, He Did.

rıaynoy: How would you characterize
your appeal?
brooks: Humor,
mount of warmth.
PLAYBOY: What do you want to be when
you grow up?

BROOKS: Serious. Free from mirth,
PLAYBOY: If they made a movie about
your life, who would play you?

sooks: 1 would, until I died. And
then Al Jolson HIE. would take over.
He's only ten now, but I hear he's
dynamite.
YBOY:

with

just the right

What will your tombstonc

BROOKS: TO BE CONTINUED.
CANNED
You just can't please everybody.

Thats the lesson a Tucson recycling
ny has learned, irking local wom.
ations with a billboard de
signed both to beautify the environment
and to increase the company's business.
The Recyeo outfit erected a bill
board showi woman in short shorts
posing on her knees and elbows beneath
the caption BRING Us YOUR CAN. Repre-
sentatives of the National Organization
for Women and the Tucson Women's
Commission would like to see the whole
advertising campaign canned, calling it
“degrading.” Not so, says 1. М. Molever.
the company's presid
all he's trying to do is “to save 95 per
cent of energy costs through recy

ing: The Surgeon General Has Determined
That Cigarette ing Is Dangerous to Your Health.

У у

VANTA

VANTAGE “NAGE

PLAYBOY

compared with producing aluminum
from bauxite." Privately, female resi-
dents of the arca are thanking their
lucky stars Molever was not involved
any wildlife promotions concerning the
all-American beaver.

JUS' PLAIN OL DI

In an effort to redeem the image of
the Greek god Dionysus, Smith College
Assistant Professor of Art Caroline
Houser staged an exhibition at Ha
vard's Fogg Art Museum (|
the infamous reveler as something of a
teetotaler—sort of the Buddy Ebsen of
the Olympus set.

Houser insists that Dionysus was not
a lecherous drunk at all. He was faith-
ful to his wife and, in ancient Gree
artifacts, "you never sce him falling:
down drunk.

Now. if only someone would show up
proving that Caligula was celibate and
never really wanted to make that awful
movie in the first place.

GOOD NUDES
The country that gave us the M
and mostaccioli. pizza and the Pope
has now perfected the press release. So,
direct from Roma, almost unexpw
ed and just about as we received it in
the mail, here is:

showed

FOOLISH PARTY AND NAKE
AT THE JACKYE O

Huge party for the reopening of
the Jackye’O, the wellknown saloon
of the Malian capital: for the great
event all men dressed night's cloth
ings. however actresses showed their
naked beautinesses. We report the
best events and tell about more im-
portant persons. The arriving of
Gill, managing the saloon ара
near the big Anita Ekberg.
The ever more naked Попа Stall
‚ showing, under her veiled cloth.
ing, her naked body, was with her
sweetheart Riccardo Schicchi and
a snake around her neck
ng the whole night, then showed
to Anita Ekberg and kissed by the
tress Ursula Andress.
Seated at the table, Laura Efri
n near to Gianni Ippoliti and
e eaten during the whole

night.

Anna Maria Rizzoli with her
sweetheart. Alberto Arnaldi, showed.
her naked chest.

While all this happened into the
Jackye’'O, in another wellknown
saloon, Isabella Biagini was dressed
as usually, namely in topless, was
with her sweetheart Maurizio Matu-
tello.

These Italians may be the pros of the
press release, but the paparazzi are sure
dumb—all the photographs of the naked
chests were overexposed

FUN FACTS ABOUT THE FAMOUS

If the follow-
ing merely whets
your appetite,
you may gorge
yourself on more
in “Celebrity
Trivia,” written
by Ed Lucaire,
which will be
published Ьу
Warner Books
sometime this
fall.

Ann - Margret
and her family
once lived in a
funeral parlor in
Wilmette, Ili-
nois, where her
mother worked
as a receptionist.

As a token of
his feelings toward Hollywood gossip
reporter Rona Barrett, actor Ryan O'Neal

once mailed her a live tarantula.
е
For his first five James Bond mov-

5 said to have re.
500,000 in fees and
king
id actors

ies, Seon Connery
ceived over $
percentage of gross receipts, ma
him one of the highest
in the history of movies.

When he was a kindergarten. stu-
dent, Marlon Brondo wandered so much
on the way to school that his sister
Jocelyn eventually had to take him
to class on a leash,

William Burroughs, author of the si
ге ic book Naked Lunch, the
grandson of the man who invented

the adding machine (or, as Burroughs
put it, “the gimmick that made it
work")

Naked Lunch was originally titled
Naked Lust, but Burroughs’ friend
Jack Kerovee misread the word lust
nd called it lunch—which Bur-

roughs liked better.
.

Giovanni Jacopo Casanova, the legend-
ary Italian adventurer and lover, is
said to have invented the first dia-
phragm—a hollowed-out lemon.

Because most of Frédéric Chopin's au-
diences saw only one side of him
during his recit the Polish pianist
c only one side

In one of his automobiles, Egypt's
King Farouk, a gadget freak, installed
a hom that imitated the sound of a
dog being run over.

According to
Rip Horton, Jr, a
schoolmate at
Choate, one of
John F. Kennedy's
first sexual ex-
perienecs was in
a Harlem broth-
el and cost him
three dollars.
.

Jerzy Kosinski
speaks and reads
nglish, French,
Polish and Rus-
IT sian, and reads
y vi Ukrainian, Ital-

| ian, Spanish
and Esperanto
(which was de-
veloped by a
Pole). but to
help him with
his English late at night, he fre-
quently dials O and asks the operator
questions about grammar and word
definitions.

.
The pressure of a play-off game
water off a ducks back for Dall
Cowboys coach Tom Landry. As
Army Corps bomber copilot
World War Two, һе flew 30 missions
over Germany and occupied Europe,
once barely surviving a “dead-stick”
landing in which both wings ol his
B-17 were sheared off
.

Ralph Lauren, the popular clothes
designer famous for his Ivy League
and Western look, was born Ralph
Lifshitz.

In 1930, four years after her “ki
naping." Aimee Semple McPherson, thc
theatrical evangelist, had a brief sex-
ual relationship with comedian Milton
Berle, whom she met at a charity show

Iu 1914, Ho Chi Minh served as an ap-
prentice to the world-famous chef

Escoffier at the Carlton Hotel in
London.
.
Jody Powell, the Presidents Press
Secretary, was dismissed from the
ed States Air Force Academy for
ting on a final examination in

his senior year.
P
Comedienne Joon Rivers wasn't fool-
ing around when it came to her aca-
demic life. She graduated Phi Beta
Kappa from Barnard College at the
age of 19.

MUSIC

IEW WAVE ROUNDUP: With the

death knell of disco sounding louder
every day, more and more people are
casting off their gold chains, pushing
aside their рїйа coladas and searching
for a musical alternative. But the scene
has changed greatly since the advent of
discomania, and even the most sophisti-
cated ex-dancing fool can be put
off—if not downright scared—by the
groupings and subclassifications of rock
'п' xoll's latest tangent. Here, then, is
PLAYDOY's guide to the wonderful world
of New Wave music . . . a quickie course
in modern rock.

KILLING ME SOFTLY WITH HIS
BEER-BOTTLE ROCK

Best exemplified by the now-defunct
Sex Pistols. Still around and pissed:
The Clash,* The Now, Buzzcocks,* The
Ramones, The Jam, Sham 69,* Stiv
Bators, The Undertones.*

STRAIGHTEN OUT THAT BEAT,
Boy, AND MAKE IT SNAPPY!

Music by/for Rasta honkies: Police,*
Madness,* The Specials.*

ALL HOOKS AND No BAIT

Bland bubblegum music reminiscent
of the worst of the 1964 British inva-
sion: The Knack, The Beat, Shoes, The
Sports, 20/20, The Sinceros, The Rec-
ords, The Cars,” XTC.

ALL BAIT AND NO HOOKS

Music for people who are in an intel-
lectual turmoil and don't feel like danc-
ing: Talking Heads* Tom Verlaine,
Richard Lloyd, The Shirts, Gary Numan.

STUPID Is A PRETTY HARSH WORD

Rock 'n' roll has always had more
than its share of the strange, but this
new crop makes Frank Zappa зеет like
Frank Sinatra: The B-52's, The Flying
Lizards, Wazmo Nariz,* Devo, James
White & the Blacks/Contortions* Ar-
mand Schaubroeck,* Lydia Lunch.

NOT ALL BRITISH ROCKERS ARE
ROTTEN AND VICIOUS

New Wave's strongest arm—everybody
knows them, everybody loves them: Elvis
Costello,* Nick Lowe,* Dave Edmunds,*
Joe Jackson? Graham Parker? The
Boomtown Rats.*

HENNA PARTY

Is a woman's place in the studio?
Blondie,* Patti Smith, The Motels, The
Pretenders,* Lene Lovich.

*Recommended.

HOT WHACKS: Chicago has long been
known as the center of urban blues; and
with the release of The Jimmy Johnson
Band's Johnson's Whacks (Delmark), that
image seems likely to be enhanced.

FATHER FUNK: In a winning scason
for funk music, which has been revived
not only by a new generation of black
groups but by white New Wave bands
as well, James Brown has emerged, Willie
ike, as the central source of
spiration, perspiration and
preservation.

James Brown and funk have always
been family; hes now entering his
fourth decade of recording with a new
album, People. It was Brown who
brought funk music from the country
to the cit:
blacks and introduced it to whites. He
brought primal scream to the inseam.
His new album has a probable hit on
it, Let the Funk Flow, and its distinctly
James Brown music: fast, tight, raunchy
and relentless, not the usual description
of a 51-year-old-man’s work.

“The reason I'm around is that I've
maintained my individuality,” said
Brown when we spoke with him re-
cently. "People know my trademarks.
They know I got the guts. You see, we
need leaders, not bleeders." He paused.
"Leaders who'll get the guts back. We
got to stop people from copping:
they're the bleeders. Record companies
are guilty of that. They'll hear a young

group and they'll say, ‘Yeah, you sound
good, but you need that James Brown
lick, or that Earth, Wind & Fire lick."
Or they'll tell a white group to sound
more like the Bee Gees, instead of en-
couraging them to sound more like
themselves.”

Disco music, which buried Brown and
funk music in the Seventies, is his
example of no-guts music. “Disco made
everybody sound alike. The sounds
musicians made became mechanical, and
soon the musicians were replaced by
machines. Hey, people got to come
back. Real people. You take away some
people's gimmicks, what've they got?
What if the power failed, what if some
of these people came unplugged?”

Brown's latest project is a cameo
appearance in the new Blucs Brothers
film, in which he plays a minister who
saves an orphanage. He took the part,
he says, because it amplified his human,
community-minded side, a side he likens
to Bob Hope's commitment to GI tours.

Brown sees his musical career paral-
leling another famous singer's, “I listen
to Frank Sinatra, and I love it," he

says. "People say, ‘He's lost it, he can't
do it no more.’ But he still adds a litle
something to everything he does. And
whatever he does is history, no matter
what, because of who he is and what
he's done. He's real. I think I'm the
same kind of person." —sTANLEY MIESES

REVIEWS

Seldom have we heard a debut album
like Frank Walton's Reality (Delmark). A
trumpeter with prodigious technique
and ideas to match—something like a
combination of Freddie Hubbard and
Miles Davis—Walton has also managed
to assemble a scxtet that's reminiscent
of Miles's great combos of the past, with-
out being the least bit imitative. The

material swings hard and cuts deep:
Walton and Company deliver it with
conviction. |t sounds, to ws, like the
birth of a legend.

.
The most important opera release in
iomths, Deuische Grammophon’s new
recording of Lulu is the first ever with the
previously incomplete third act. Alban
Berg's towering masterpiece of 20th Cen-
tury musical drama deals with
obsession, nymphomania and lesbiani
and ends with a gory double murder by
ack the Ripper. Based on the widely
hailed 1979 Paris production, this per-
formance has modern-music specialist
Pierre Boulez at the helm. Hot stulf for
contemporary-music freaks.

With Passion Dance (Milestone), McCoy
Tyner at last exorcises the ghost of John
Coltrane from his music. He does зо by
confronting it head on: All the tunes
were standards with the legendary Col-
Gane quanet during “Tyner’s tenure.
no is supercharged, both on
the solo and on the two trio tunes with
Tony Williams and Ron Carter, bril-
liantly affirming his heritage and serving
notice that he's his own man now.

Mozart: The Symphonies, Vol. 3 (L'Oiscau-
Lyre) is a c A&R man's
m, It topher Hog-
wood's Academy of Ancient Music pl
ng on original instruments, the theory
reproduce what
hı These
symphonies are splendid examples of
the young Mozart as he began his intel-
lectual stretch into musical. maturity,
ed with considerable

Drummer Jack De Johnette has been
one of the best-kept secrets of the fertile
New York jazz scene for too long, but
his new LP, Speciel Edition (ECM), should
ange that. Performing three originals
nd two reworked Cohr
еце and saxophonists David Mu
nd Arthur Blythe make music that
is forceful, contemporary, even. humo
ous, and should definitely not be missed.

No Nukes (Asylum) reminds us of
one of those loss leaders that record
companies used to put out to promote
new acts—like that psychedelic sampler
called Looney Tunes. This one might
be subtitled "Solar Serenades.” We don't
know how many polyvinyls died to
make this three-record set, but unless
you're really into collecting souveni
of the Seventies, theres not much to
justify the expense. Bonnie Raitt turns
in spirited performances of Angel from
Montgomery and Runaway (which is
what you do when the local reactor
melts down). Bruce Springsteen, an al-
ternate energy source if ever there were

FAST TRACKS

ASSHOLES IN EL PASO, PART

Here's an update from the town Kinky Friedman

made famous. Rock-concert tickets used to be imprinted with seat numbers and
the usual warning, “No cans, no tape recorders, no cameras.” Since two people
got stabbed at a recent ZZ Top gig, the tickets now also read, "Мо knives, no

guns.

Warning: Listening to live music may be dangerous to your health!

EELING AND ROCKING: Divine Mad-
| > s going to be the definitive
Bette Midler concert movie. say all the
reports from the trenches. Directed
by Michael Ritchie, orchestrated by ten
top Hollywood cameramen. the film
in its final cut could run as long as
two hours and is due in the theaters
by August. But all is not entirely
well. We hear Midler has been hit
with a $3,000,000 brcach-of-contract
lawsuit by her backup group. The
Harlettes, [or allegedly inducing the
production company to drop them
from the movie after they had been
ned to do it, Stay tuned.

ord packaging that will make it im-
possible for people to overlook the
Fabulous Poodles’ new album. The LP
will remain standard size. but the
record jacket will measure 2 x 9...
Rock fans will have the opportunity
to view some of the legendary stars
of the Fifties and Sixties when The
Ed Sullivan Show eturns to TV this
fall. A syndicated series called The
Best of Sullivan begins airing in Sep-
tember. . . . Are you ready for Murray
the K's Salute to the Beatles? The
multimedia extrav nia was ori;
nally staged at Knotts Berry Farm
(Knott's Berry Farm?) last winter, but
Murray and the jelly-and-jam folks
plan to put together a touring com-
pany to take the production all over
the country Ли International Rock
ond Roll Music Association has been
formed in Nashville to keep rock
mus te from pop. The organi-
zation also wants to work with rock-
industry people and public officials to
establish safer concert standards and
to combat record piracy. Finally, it
hopes to open a museum of rock
Dues are $10 for the public and $20

for rock types. For further info:
P.O. Box 50111, Nashville, Tennessee
37205. The Levi Strauss series of
rock concerts held last April in Lon-
don will be recorded in a fivealbum
set that will be sold by mail order to
people who buy Levis. Record
World magazine reports that a. new
term has gotten for-
cognition. Irs A-C, adult con-
mporary, to replace MOR, middle
d. which carried a negative
connotation—dull. Who qualifies?
Dicmond, Berry Manilow and Anne
Murroy, to name a few.

RANDOM RUMORS: Several members
of Blondie and Talking Heads, along with
guitarist Robert Fripp,
collaborate on a heavy-metal version
of the theme from Midnight E:
press. ... More Ways to
Department: Elvis former. pr
Felton Jorvis reports that he is using a
new process known as stripping to
turn out duets performed by Presley
and other leading entertamers such
аз Dolly Parton, Eddie Rabbit, Tony Joe
White and Neil Diomond. Will it ever
end? . .. Repulsive but true: One of
Britain's new rock stars, Gary Numan,
told the London Sunday Times in an
interview that he admires the Nazis.
His on? “They looked gr
In another effort to crack down on
record piracy, two recording-industry
trade associations are going to try a
method once used by the FBI to
catch drug pushers. The FBI called
it Turn in Pusher; the record
people will call it Turn in a Pirate.
If you see one, you can call a toll
free number, 800-223-2328. Unless he
happens to have a pressing of those
Dylon concerts at the Royal Albert
Hall. We've been looking for а сору
of that one for years.

— BARBARA NELLIS

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one, finally commits to wax his medley
of Devil with a Blue Dress | Good Golly
Miss Molly. It’s about time. And ther
a stirring version of Dylan's The Times
They Are A-changing by the Simon-
Taylors. The rest of the musicians do
competent versions of their simplest
songs. A few attempt topical numbers
n for the Musicians United for
Solar Energy (MUSE) concerts. An ex-
ample: "Uh, this is sort of a Caribbean
no-nuke song.” Give us the тее
power of real rock "n' roll

SHORT CUTS

ica): Big-
lot of pleasant scents

Norman Harris / The Harris Machine (Phil-

adelphia International: Harris is the
arist of MFSB, and ап MFSB record
5 It could be worse.

Charles Lloyd / Big Sur Tapestry (Pacific
Arts): Limiting his accompaniment to a
harpist—who plays only on side one—
Lloyd overdubs flute parts to create some
celestial tone poems.

Jerry Rush / Rush Hour (Inner City):
tunes and ballads by a trumpeter
with bigband roots and а refreshing
streak of romanticism.

The Dramatics / 10⁄2 (MCA): An over-
weening title? Not for this ultrasmooth

g group, which sparkles on both
sultry soul ballads and red-hot disco
numbers.

Robin Trower / Victims of the Fury (СЇгуза-
lis): The fury of the victims who shell
out seven bucks for this bland effort is
justified.

D. 1. Byron / This Day ond Age (Aris
Despite the occasionally overwhelmi
Springsteen imitations, here is
able package of hooks and toe

Leo Smith / Spirit Catcher (Ness Abstract
jazz that’s sculptural and poetic, though
it won't make you tap your toes or snap
your fingers.

Giulini and the Chicago Symphony Or-
chestro / Anton Dvorék’s Symphony No. B
(Deutsche Grammophon): A familiar
work played with such style, assurance
ind intelligence that hearing it is like
mecting the piece for the first tim:

inal Ska 1962—66 (M ango)
Calling all rude boys and girls! You

New
ing to hear them
duplicate the R&B horn section from
outer space on these origi
Rush / Permonent Waves

at? An ersatz Led Zeppelude wipe-out.
Pearl Harbor & the Explosions (Warner
e or not, a bomb by

any other nam
Cedar Walton / Soundscapes (Columbia):
ОГ the jazzmen trying to “cross over,"
keyboardist Walton consistently comes
ical and

tasteful stuff.

The beautiful $20,000 “Gazelle,”
an adventure to drive. The
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authentic character of the fa-
mous 1929 Mercedes SSK, hand-
crafted and assembled for you by
Classic Motor Carriages, Inc.,
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оуд

1. On an official entry blank or a plain piece of 3° x 5° paper, print
your name, address, zipcode and the word "Denim" and mail to:

Denim Sweepstakes

PO. Box 63

New York, N.Y. 10046
Enter as often as you like, but each entry must be mailed in a
Separate envelope.
2. Entries must be postmarked by October 31, 1980, and received
by November 10, 1980, in order to be eligible.
3. Winners will be determined in random drawings by Marden-Kane,
Irc.. an independent judging organization whose decisions are final.
Taxes, if any, are the sole responsibility of the prizewinner. Only one
prize to a family. Odds о! winning will be determined by the number
of entries received. All prizes will be awarded. Substitution of prizes
not permitted. For a list of winners send a separate stamped, self
addressed envelope to:

Denim Winners

РО. Box 179

New York, N.Y. 10046
4, Open to all residents of the U.S. except employees (and their
families) of Lever Brothers Company, its affiliated companies, its
advertising agencies, and Marden-Kane. Inc. Void where prohibited
or restricted by law. All Federal, State and local laws and regulations
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5. NO PURCHASE NECESSARY.

OFFICIAL ENTRY BLANK

; Fill out and mail to:

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Print word "DENIM" herc.

EROTICA

magine about 1000 screaming women
І crammed into a Midwest disco. Half
e inebriated; the rest are bathed in a
sweat of wanton desire. The wharl-like
perfume of damp cotton panties over-
powers even the smell of Virginia Slims
and rum Cokes, Over the P.A., Fast
Freddy, the self-proclaimed King of Male
Go-Go, incites the crowd. “C'mon,
ladies" he shouts above their squeals,
ke him take those clothes off!

Alone on the dance floor, one man is
the center of attention.

Me.

Freddy continues, "I promised if you
were a good audience we'd make the
YHOY reporter strip . . . and you've
Freddy

Yes; a sprea
mitted to the
the perfect gimmick. Every woman pres-
ent is creaming at the thought of her
forcing my debut. 1 make a note to keep
moving. watch my timing: and find stun-
ning babes help me undress. Then I

hear Freddy again: “Remember, ladies,
when the hands go up... the pants go
down
It's Ladies’ Night.
.

:meeeing is really the most important
part of the show,” t Freddy had told
me earlier. “I'm in constant control. I
motivate the crowd from the moment
1 go on. The first thing I say when I go
out there is, ‘Boy! There sure is a lot of
pussy here tonight!’ That shocks ‘em.
Then they laugh. It's unreal.

What's truly unreal is that Freddy and
his troupe, known as "the hottest male
go-go show in the nation.” have for the
past two years been mining both hearts
and pocketbooks on the Midwest disco-
rock-supper-cub circuit with unparal
leled They've bumped ad
ground their way from backwater dives
to national exposure on ABC's 20/20,
a Time magazine. Not
nd

success.

Donahue and
bad for a gang of onetime (асоту
construction workers led by a former
pool-hustling prodigy. And they don't
worry about competition, “There are
plenty of male strippers around now
said 24-year-old Freddy, “but there's one
thing they can never have: Fast Freddy.”

That isn't bragging. We were sit
at а circa-1950 recroom bar in Fredd
basement quarters, in his parents’ Niles,
Michigan, home. “Cheap rent,” he'd said
earlier. I was in town to tour with the
group for a week. Maybe even strip
myself.

“Believe it or not, I've always been
able to walk into a club and come away
with anything 1 wanted because of my
dancing.” Freddy's tone told me to be-

Our man Rensin
learns to take it off
(and love it).

lieve everything. "And the women have
always told me I have a nice hind end."
The following night, seeing was believ-

ng when Freddy danced. He's the
group's main attraction: а spectade

from his blucaateen suit to his Captain
America G string; trom his wellmuscled
body to the heart-shaped tattoo оп his
undulating bottom, proclaiming 1 Love
You to any nose away. Freddy
drives the women crazy with a combina-
tion of gymnastics and gyrations. Then,
the ultimate tease, he plucks off his
G sting and clutches a towel tightly
around his privates. A tug of war be-
tween an overzealous patron and Fred-
«уу resolve to leave something to the
imagination (aud stay out of jail) often
ensue:

But even I could take my clothes off. I
thought, while watching from th
ows, so why do nearly 5000 women a
week wait in line to see Freddy and his
friends peel? I found out in the dres-
ng room after the show. “They love me
because I'm . . . Fast Freddy. We're
ladies men, mot just some kids out
there doing a few turns and sloppy un-
buckling. We're. professionals. We treat
"em right. They, uh, love me as a per-
son.” And Freddy loves each one in
return.

“L love my work. Really. Its like a
dream come true." His voice assumed an

e shad-

unmistakable Elvislike humility.
want to know what keeps me going? The
‘The women chanting, "We want
times I have tears in my
eyes at the end when 1 say “Thank you.
you're beautiful.” Then he grinned.
"Besides, Um a dirty old dog. | know
women. Thats why I'm in this business."
.
Im gonna whoop that pt
gonna whoop it!
Midnight Cowboy. was fortifying his
libido in the dressing room before the

I'm

Big Al, the stripp

show. He looks like Mason Reese in
perpetual distress.
“Yeah,” countered Freddy. “Whoop it

Whoop that pussy!" Then, to me: “Big
AI gets right in there, don't he? You can
tell who's got the biggest mouth.”

А! was stunned. “Wha . . . hell! 1 got
one out there with big titties. She's mak-
in’ my dick hard already.

The others encouraged him as if he

were the new American hero. But Ringo,
the show opener, wasn't quite buying
it, There was a challenge in his smile.
“What about your blonde waitress girl-
friend? Huh:
Awww . . . dell shrugged
Al. “You know I gotta knock off one or
two others first. Then ГЇ let her take
me home.

“Uh-huh,” said Fredd
pussy!”

A similar scene is repeated nightly. TE
Freddy is the Tom Landry of male strip-
ping, then this i room inspira-
tional. Freddy boys to hit
floor attitude, not

‚ awww

. “Whoop that

rent line-up is: Ringo, the El-
vis impersonator who sings but does not
strip, as the king—out of respect; Jimbo,
the macho leather man: Big Al; Teddy
i steely-eyed state policeman:
and Capone, the bearded Mobster in
nd pinstripes. "Each one is
hand-picked to appeal to a different kind
of woman," said Freddy. "And they're
like me: They know how to treat a lad:
have a burning desire for adventur
hang out at night clubs. 1 knew they
would . do it.” None want to return
to their old jobs, yet most don't sce too
far into the future, either. They are
living in the here and now

When its showtime, Freddy revs up
the audience with suggestive humor. The
asked to write “dirty, filthy”
notes lor Freddy to read between the
acts. Two recent favorites: "Love me
tender, love me quick. What I want to
see is your big dick." And "Freddy. since
your number-one word is fuck, do my
number-one thing and fuck me." Obvi-
ously, Big ALis not out of place.

Freddy's appeal is not only sexual
"Im honest, and the girls pick up on

Why is Heineken
America’s number one imported beer?

Taste.

ЕТФ

Why did BobLarkin buy the KZ440LTD
with its 58mpg?

Because Bob always believes in going
the distance.

When Bob swung a leg over the KZ440 LTD phone mufflers. Who could resist? Its 443cc

and'settled down into the high-step, dual- overhead cam engine with constant-velocity
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his hands. Anda tap on the electric starter lessly. Bob liked the fact that it was Kawasaki-

brought the calloftheroadfromdualmega: reliable. And he appreciated the advantages

of asilent cam chain with automatic tensioner. When you stop by your

After all, there are better things to do on Kawasaki dealer to see
campus than to spend your free time working the slick looking KZ440
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When it came to handling, the KZ440 LTD the chain drive and belt
exceeded his expectations. Precision-damped drive models. You
front forks and needle bearing swingarm might even take а
gave him a real feeling of control and security. look at the new

So did the drilled front disc brake. The fat KZ250 LTD. It’s a little
rear tire provided lots of traction, and Bob smaller, but it's got some big numbers going

sat down low with the center of gravity for it. For openers, hows 80.2* mpg grab you?
right under him. Riding it was a breeze—

and sheer pleasure with a close friend on Kawa sa ki

Dont let the good times pass you by.

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that immediately. I'm. not out there for
my kicks—or pussy. I get enough of
that" From the luscious 18-ye
rority sisters to the housewives, grand
mothers, secretaries and models who
swarm to see him over and over, Freddy
finds a combination of lust and respect.
Even the strippers’ moms attend—and
approve. Freddy offers attentive eyes and
an occasional squeeze that let widows
and divorcees know someone can still

old. so.

care.
It's a fucking public service!
.

In Champaign. Шіпоіѕ, I paraded
around the dance floor, doing pelvic
thrusts, swiveling my shoulders and af
pout. I rode my briefs
airline in front and up
the crack in my behind, Just as l'd been
coached. It was working. Each time I
followed a fluttering dollar bill to the
side lines, arms like snakes reached up
and fondled me. I wanted to let them
continue forever, but | darted to the
opposite side of the floor and leaned
over for a sloppy kiss and another
dollar bill. 1 dragged my hand across
an exposed breast. 1 couldnt think
about an erection. I had to keep from
falling down. But any trepidation Са
had earlier, after doing extra situps
in my hotel room, had been transformed
into exhilaration. I climbed over bodies
onto a table and surveyed the wallto-
wall women. It was as if I had just
opened my eyes. If this was heaven, I
wits ready to die.

fecting а cool-gu
down to the

There are lots of reasons I wouldn't
mind beg Fast Freddy a few nights a
week. 1 don't often pose, in a moment of
drunken power. on a high-rise bar table
in my underwear, while 981 thrill-crazed
females shout lewd suggestions. Nor do
fiery women foist nonstop kisses on me
or ask that autographs be signed directly
on their warm, heaving breasts. It was

y secure than ever. 1 have

: last a lifetime. I'm a hit at
parties. Vivacious women beg me to dis-
cuss my experiences with them in private.
When 1 must demur, I add the thought
that if they would round up a few girl-
friends and bring cash, perhaps we could
work something out. And off

Stripping has exorcised a coven of
adolescent demons. I will never again
wonder what perfect line will lure some
curvaceous blonde into my bed. After
my act, I went dancing with two lively,
sparkling ladies. While on the floor with
one. a local discoite asked the other
how I rated such a sumptuous double
helping. “I just told him the truth,"
she whispered later. "You took your
clothes off.” DAVID RENSIN

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MOVIES

thor Joseph Wambaugh’s The Black
Marble is an unexpected pleasure from
the former policeman who brought us
the grim realism of The Onion Field
and is generally associated with
owing tales of crime and punish-
t. Marble ks as one of the niftiest
тис comedies of 1980 so far, with
less emphasis on cops and robbers than
on boy meets girl Paula Prentiss and
Robert Foxworth play a team of L.A.
plainclothes detectives who have a tough
time finding out they're a perfect couple.
He's the new breed of vulnerable screen
hero, a middle-aged drunken d ner
named Valnikoy maintaining his ethnic
roots on good Russian vodka and not
yet aware that he's too soft-centered to
be а cop. She's a cynical divorcee with
a seemingly slicker veneer, though
Prentiss—a_ first-class comedienne who
hasn't had a shot like this in quite some
kes the lady's melting process
a delight to watch. In a drunken love
scene that evolves from their first. off-
duty date, they are both just dandy
Foxworth, in parti is a discovery
to me: a mature, well-scasoned actor for
whom this ought to be a breakthrough
role, a step up from his routine assign-
ments in a number of formula thrillers.

АП the suspense of Black Marble (that’s
а reference to natural losers, in case
you've forgotten) centers on the case of
a neurotic, totally confused dognaper
played with his customary skill by Har
Dean Stanton. Except for a fillip of
nasty black humor about doing harm to
the hostage schaauzer, a show dog, the
caper suits the comedy well. My only
quibbles are that the movie's over-all
direction is not so bright as it could be,
and the cinematography is also curiously
murky—making Greater Los Angeles
look like Zagreb in winter. Black Mar-
Шев love story keeps the emotional
dimate sunny enough, and it seems ap-
propriate that the movie was produced
by Frank Capra, Jr., a Hollywood favor-
ite son (of the man who made Jt Hap-
pened One Night and Mr. Smith Goes
to Washington, to name but two) who
must have cut his teeth on whimsical
human comedy. ¥¥¥

Tatum O'Neal and. Kristy McNichol
go to summer camp in Little Darlings, а
comedy of sorts that has absolutely noth-
ing on its mind but a contest between
the two girls, each intent on losing her

virginity. Their chums lay $100 on the
outcome. Armand Assante is the camp
counselor chosen by Tatum for her
defloration, while Kristy sensational

young star-to-be from TV's Family)
icrocs in on Matt Dillon, from а boys"
camp across the lake. Young Dillon—
and thats his real name—became a

Marbie’s cuddling cops Prentiss, Foxworth.

Romance on the beat,
arace for defloration
and a bio for balletomanes.

Darlings Tatum and Kristy.

teenaged pinup favorite at 15. before
his first picture was released, and looks
like the lad most likely to be the J
Michael Vincent of tomorrow.
dy а movie veteran at 16, |
obligatory poor little rich girl, looking
worldly and sophisticated enough to be
running the damned camp. All in all,
Darlings is a pretty dumb showcase for
а lot of youthful talent, ап American
view of teenaged sexuality based on the
premise that єз TV sitcom.
Last years French-made Peppermint
Soda refreshingly treated youngsters as
cal people; Little Darlings carns its R

ing by sniggcring about kids and sex
whilst nubile girls gather round the
ampfire to hear Assante sing, believe it
or not, "I gave my love a сету..." ¥¥

Chances are there has to be something
to like in a comedy by the man who
collaborated with Woody Allen in writ-
ing Sleeper, Annie Hall and Manhattan.
The man (also an occasional лукот
contributor) is Marshall Brickman. The

movie is Simon, Brickman’s first solo ef-
fort as writer-director and the kind of
work apt to be damned with faint praise
as a good try. Starring Alan Arkin, with
Madeline Kahn, Austin Pendleton and
Judy Graubart as premium second ba-
nanas, Simon is often funny, occasionally
extremely funny. Just as often, how-
ever, a strong comic idea is tossed. into
the hopper and forgotten, so faintly
sketched that Brickm
joke before he has finished this one. The
best bits are truly choice: Arkin single-
handedly re-creating the evolution of
mankind, from embryo to automation
(with a musical excerpt from Stanley
Kubrick's 200/ to help him along); Kahn
dryly citing her scientific credentials,
capped by the inevitable book, А Com-
prehensive History of Oral Sex—Illus-
trated; then Pendleton, going all the
way in a hilarious love scene with an all-
knowing computer called Doris (which
seems to have Louise Lasser's voice)

The plot conce diabolical brain
trust, the Institute for Advanced Con-
cepts, whose five members—Pendleton as

perpetrate а

n is on to the next

ns а

numero uno—decide to

hoax by offering the world a certified ex-

traterrestrial bi To be their patsy,
the computer picks Arkin, an associate
professor of psychology with delusions of
genius. A promising start, But Simon's
central premise is no sooner said than it
is undone by Brickman, who inexpli
bly loses his sense of comic direction.
Finally, the gets for his satire are
ketchup in little envelopes, Hawaiian
music in clevators, painting on velvet.
Such loose ends and trivia get easy
laughs but limit the scope of Simon. YV

E
not a dance buff who knows
what names like Fokine and Stravinsky
to ballet back in 1912-1913,
staying in step with Nijinsky’s director
Herbert Ross and writer Hugh Wheeler
could be troublesome—though dance
per se is not the movie's real concern.
‘The main event is Nijinsky's passionate
h his mentor and enu
Diaghilev—that celebrated
homosexual attachment between the
dashing pederast and his premier
danseur, After Nijinsky's impulsive mar-
riage, the beginning of the end of his
tenuous grip on sanit
dropped him. And Waslaw Nijinsky was
soon ready to trade his famous Afler-
noon of a Faun costume for a strait
jacket.
Don't ask me whether or not all those
ls correspond to established truth,
ever that is. Anyway, the accuracy
quite irrelevant to the kind
of middlebrow ап movie Ross has
wrought. It is an opulent and intelligent

If you

pre-

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production that dramatizes a he
sexual relationship without apolo
the gay libbers who picketed Cruising
ought to welcome Nijinsky. In the title
role, 22-year-old George de la Репа, а
t young American dancer, is
a gly effective; he's well paired
with Leslie Browne (Ross's prima balle-
rina in The Turning Point) as Romola,
the spoiled. conniving Huy
who lures Nijinsky into a misbegotten
marriage. Save the loudest bravos, how
ever. for Alan Bates in a commanding
performance as the arrogant Diaghilev
or for scene stealer Alan Badel as the
Baron de Gunzburg, a gay. elegant. pa
tron of the arts whose dry bitchery pro
vides needed comic relief. ¥¥¥
.

A mill hand and amateur soccer play
er goes to jail for attempted rape but
gets sprung in due course. mostly be
cause the town fathers can sce no higher
moral value than a win on the playing
field, Rapeschmape. The athletic anti-
hero happens to be innocent and re-
turns to beguile the supposed victim
(France Dougnac), though that's not the
point of Coup de Téte. Subtitled “Hot
head” in English, this piquant French
fable is right on the ball about sex.
hypocrisy and other games people play
Writer-dir Jacques Annaud
won a 1 for his first feature,
Black and White in Color. He is equally
and concerned with m:
humanity in Coup de Têle. Anı
comedy has a bitter edge. аз well
bitingly funny perfor
ing role by Patrick Dewaerc, star of last
year’s Oscar-winning Best Foreign Film,
Get Out Your Handkerchiefs. YYY

Writer-director Henry Jaglom usually
makes movies that bear little resem
blance to anyone else's. His first two
features, A Safe Place and Tracks, w
wildly origmal and sorely neglected—
which is a nice way of saying that their
gross receipts were minimal. Jaglom is
on à elier commer track with
Sitting Ducks, an eccentric, off-the-wall
caper comedy co-starring Michael Emil
and Zack Norman, two tors snatched
from obscurity to bid for [ame as the
Lemmon and Matthau of the Eighties.
Or maybe they're closer kin to Laurel
and Hardy. id Norman are 40ish.
mon and
couple of utterly uncool con
men who steal $724,360 from the Syn
dicate, then head for Miami in
Cadillac limo. Destination: Costa Ric
En route, they pick up a singing gas
station attendant (Richard Romanus), a
ress (Irene For
nd a free-spirited blonde vagabond

ns in

e Townsend, Jaglom's wile and
). The rest of it is an up-
oarious, fast-moving road movie, ¥¥¥

— REVIEWS BY BRUCE WILLIAMSON

MOVIE SCORE CARD

capsule close-ups of current films
by bruce williamson

All Thor Jazz Roy Scheider as the
altered ego in Bob Fosse’s tuneful
autobio about booze, babes and heart
surgery. УУУ

American Gigolo Senator's wile adores
male whore charged with murder.
"That's Hollywood, but can L
Hutton and Richard Gere n
believe it? Y

Being There As an illiterate gardener,
Peter Sellers goes to Washington and
transplants the seeds of power. ¥¥¥

Best Bey Ira Wohl's enlightened,
incisive and moving film about his
retarded. cousin. Philly is a labor of
love. ¥¥¥

The Block Marble (Reviewed this
month) Cops in love pursue dog
naper. УУУ

The Changeling In onc of those old
dark houses, George C. Scott and loyal
wife, Trish. face the unknown. YY

Coal Miner's Daughter Talented Sissy
ck hitches her wagon to a super-
his up the screen as coun-
trymusic queen Loretta Lynn. УУУУ

Coup de Téte (Reviewed this month)
Sex and soccer French style. YYY

The fog lis no Halloween. Still.
director John Carpenter has а way
with things that go bump in the
night. YY

Heart Beot As in Beat Generation.
John Heard as Jack Kerouac, writing
On the Road, with Nick Nolte and
Sissy Spacek living it up. ¥¥¥

Kramer vs. Kramer marital title
fight between Dustin Hoffman and
Meryl Streep has taken many a
prize. УУУУ

lo Coge aux Folles This hilarious
French farce concerns two delight-
airy queens flouncing into the
УУУУ

Virgins on the verge, at st
camp. YY
The Man with Bogart’s Face Bogey
look-alike and several femmes fatales
provide harmless fun for film nuts. УУ
My Brilliont Coreer Growing up down

` Night of the рни In nasty ol” New
York, a psychopath has snatched ой

sky (Reviewed this month) The
in the balletomania. УУУ
Simon (Reviewed this month) Alan
in a likable hit-or-miss satire
by Woody Aleni Eivarité collabo-
rator. УУ

Sitting Ducks (Reviewed this month)
Take-the-money-and-run fun. ¥¥¥

УУУУ Don't miss
УУУ Good show

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PLAYBOY

АМ ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE BOSLEY MEDICAL GROUP

Medical breakthrough
reduces baldness

“I was a skeptic. Now I’m a believer,
thanks to MPR and Hair Transplantation.”

“Bald, bashful
and not even 3

“New look...new life...new me. And what a pleasure to find
transplanted hair styled a variety of way:

by Dr. Jeff Greenberg,

“Тоо little hair and too much baldness. Hair transplanta-
tion would never work for me, or so I thought. On top
of that, my friends and relatives kept insisting I looked
fine the way I was

Still, I knew there was room for improvement, and after
one consultation visit to the Bosley Medical Group, I
definitely decided to stop going through life as a bald
man. But, being from a long line of skeptics, I didn't give
BMG the go-ahead until I had checked out several other
places.

AN A-1 RATING

The more places | visited, the more I became convinced
that BMG was the only place to go. First of all, the
Director, Dr. L. Lee Bosley, is Board Certified, and is a
member of the American Medical Association (AMA). All
of the other Bosley Medical Group staff physicians are also
certified by the Boards of their respective surgical
specialties, and are members of the American Medical
Association (AMA). And most important in my particular
case, BMG has developed a special procedure called Male
Pattern Reduction (MPR) that greatly reduces the size
of the bald area. As it turned out, MPR solved my "supply
and demand" problem. For another thing, the BMG
Beverly Hills facility received my A-1 rating for cleanliness
and what I call ‘quiet efficiency!

In fact, the Bosley Medical Group is so advanced in so
many areas that I adapted several of their medical
techniques to my own practice

A TRUE BELIEVER
I was definitely committed to not being bald anymore,
but at first | wasn't confident that I would ever again have
a good head of naturally growing hair. As you can see
from these pictures, I needn't have worried. Not only do I

it could have my

AN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA

have to schedule regular hair cuts, but find I can style my
hair in many different ways.

Now I approach all my bald friends and patients with
the zeal of a missionary, urging them to check out the
Bosley Medical Group. Just one brief, no-charge
consultation appointment and you'll know if you qualify
for MPR (should you happen to need it) or Hair
Transplantation. Not everyone does. But if being bald
bothers you like it did me, don’t spend the rest of your life
worrying about it. Do something about it!”

CALL DON BRODER, COUNSELOR
(COLLECT) 213/651-0011

Ask for complete information regarding our
special reimbursement plan to cover your air
travel to Beverly Hills (Los Angeles).
r-or mail this request for information today—~

Bosley

Medical
Group

Please send:

D HAIR TRANSPLANTATION AT THE BOSLEY MEDICAL GROUP
Includes over 40 close-up before/after photos of our patients; details
on MPR™ AND MICROGRAFT™ procedures. cost, tax benefit: and
insurance coverage—and much more

] COSMETIC/PLASTIC SURGERY AT BOSLEY MEDICAL GROUP
udes over 36 close-up before/after photos of our patients: details
ll surgeries performed for enhancement of the face, eyelids. nose.
chin, forehead. breasts (enlargement or reduction] hip. abdo.
men. buttock. thigh. upper arm. Also information on skin treatments
for wrinkle and scar improvement. tattoo removal. electrolysis and
broken capillary treatment.

L. Lee Bosley, M.D., Director

ed Diplomate
Board of Der

Beverly Hills. Calif. 90211-1213) 651-4444

Name

Phone.

Address — ЕЕ

tate/Zip —

WHAT DOES
THE PLAYBOY READER READ
AFTER HE'S READ PLAYBOY?

The Playboy Book Club Collection of outstanding, stimulating and informative books.
Books to tune you in, tone you up and turn you on. At savings of up to 30% off publishers’ list prices!

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Club's bulletin about every 3 or 4 weeks (14 times a Send me these 4 books plus the Bonus
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you prefer an Alternate, or no book at all, just indicate
your decision on the order form provided. Mail it so we
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PLAYBOY BOOK CLUB

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ordinary book club Copyright € 1980 ty Playboy. Printed in U.S.A. PLAYBOY and Rabbit Heac Design are trademarks of Playboy.

Publishers’ prices may be slightly higher in Canada, Offer not available in Alaska or Hawaii. 1
Eu а к=з шаа ce Fes ыва „ша mom اک‎ кыш e unum

n his forward to Jim Fixx’s Second Book
l of Running (Random House), Fixx apily
points out that “If you use the word
complete in a title, as I did in The
Complete Book of Running, it becomes
dithcult, unless you're willing to subject
logic to uncomfortable stresses, to write
a second book on the same subject." Yer
when x began wi ig The Complete
Book of Running im 1975, there w
only an estimated 6,000,000 runners and
joggers in America, while today that
number has grown to at least 25,000,000.
The intervening years have also
duced a whole new body of informa
on running and runners. Phy
psychological studies on runners abound
there are dozens of magazines, news-
paper columns and paperbacks оп the
subject, not to mention stores full of
newly developed running gear. A modest
and compactly written 190 pages, Fixx's
second running book valiantly attempts

to review and summarize the most im-
portant new information: his topics
range from running in politics to run-

ning and т за. Along the way, he
deals very effectively with the latest
medical evidence for the fact that run-
ning is good for you both physically and
psychologically, the increasing involve-
ment of women in running, the latest
Чи
ssance of podiatry and the emergence
of the “ultramarathon"—a race of 50 to
150 miles. Intended to serve as a sup-

nutrition and diet informa

Fixx back on the track.

Fixx waxes yet more
complete about running;
Schulberg blows it.

plemental volume to The Complete Book
of Running, Jim Fixx's Second Book of
Running is excellent as just that.

Budd Schulberg's novel Everything That

Moves (Doubleday) is his first in a long
time, Perhaps he should have waited a

bit longer. This is Jimmy Hoffa's story,
thinly disguised. Reading it takes a little
nore effort than watching bad ТУ and
is, in the final analysis, less rewarding.

.
5 latest foray into the
Men in Love (Delacorte),
subtitled "Men's Sexual Fantasi The
Triumph of Love over Карс” isn't
even good che ills And it makes
you won bout what's really
going on out there. From this nonscien-
tific sample, Friday makes sweeping gen-
eralirations about the state of male/
female relationships. The men who
responded to her questionnaire were
pretty angry about the kind and qı
of the sex in their lives and, with the ex-
ception of one guy who fantasized doing
it to an entire Tupperware party, totally
without humor. We wish the men who
didn’t write to Friday would speak up.

In Charles Gaines's Dangler (Simon &
Schuster), we have a Great Gatsby for
the Eighties. Kenneth Austin Dangler is

d moment. An
ppeared chosen
Knickerbocker

his Porcellian days at Ha
sen for what? He asks his best friend,
Andrew Cobb, "Do you ever wonder
what happened to the cream of our gen-
eration? All those people we knew at
Andover with more money and better

LOVELACE'S "ORDEAL": DEEP PENITENCE

There are events that, though fairly
inconsequential of themselves, tell a
larger story about the soci
they occur. Linda Lov
raphy, Ordeal (Citadel) write
Mike McGrady, is one such event
When Lovelace achieved household-

name status nearly a decade ago for her
uy

esophageal artis

in Deep Throat, the
electronic media avoided her. Despite
the fact that Deep Throat was the first
fashionable pornographic movie,
that millions of American men
cussed her performance in quiet, envi-
ous conversitions, only the print media
me anywhere near Linda Lovelace.
surface, that was understam
arly, one can't talk about fel-

prime-time television, nor
could one seriously discuss Deep
liant moment in film

Throat as a br
istory (a sem ле, perhaps. but not
nt). But above all, nobody wa
ed to glorify a woman who seemed to
enjoy exhibitionistic sex. And, reall
thats what made her so unacceptable.
That she seemed to enjoy it. But in

Loveless Linda?

Ordeal, Linda says she actually hated
what she was doing back then and
was forced into fucking for profit at
gunpoint by her first husband (she's
now out of the porn-film business, re-

married

nd a mother). She says she
money from her fame
hamed of that part of her
And now, suddenly, Linda Love-
се is an acceptable guest for TV talk
shows.

What's interesting about that is that
Ordeal is just as lurid and graphic as
ny of her films. In fact, for a reformed
woman, she seems to dwell inordinately
on the scamier side of her lie, making
sure to mention all the famous people
she claims to have had affairs with, and
making sure. above all, that the read-
er knows she "never had any enjoy-

nent [rom any of it.”

Yet one can’t help but t
Ordeal is giving Linda a little pleas-
ure—at least the profits and notoriety
from it will. And if so, she has found
the best of both worlds, the kinky

1 the converted. Because somewhere
in the unwritten book of American
morals, it say man can make an
obscene display of herself and.
as she says she doesn’t enjoy it
She's still a lady. At least on TV she is.

never made а
and

now

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PLAYBOY

s d UY Us Р

San Francisco! The perfect site for a
treasure hunt. What better place to hide a
case of smooth, golden Canadian Club
whisky than the city where millions came
to seek gold in the Gold Rush of 1849?

So, inspired by that famous love song,

we boarded a cable car on our way to
hide a case of the world’s finest-tasting

in San Francisc

anadian Club. —

whisky in America’s most beau-
tiful city. Do you know San
Francisco well enough to find
the C.C? ? Let's find out

A BART ride, a street with a past.

Start your С.С. search at
BART's last city stop, and take a
30-cent ride. Change to another
mode of transit, and ride until
you Can transfer again. Do so,
and head for the farthest termi-
nus, but debark at the first right-
angle. Stroll a nearby street till it
suggests a profession. Then
head back toward your |atter
mode of transit but this time one block
closer to your former. Where idlers often
gather, note who stays the longest.

Find a way out of town but stay in.

Now head straight to some rails and
follow them as far as necessary to meet a
way named for an important Gold Rush

figure. Let it lead you to a way out
of the city, but don't leave. (If
you've made it this far, don't think
things are looking up.) Now return
lo the last route you were directed

6 YEARS OLD. IMPORTED IN BOTTLE FROM CANADA BY HIRAM WALKER IMPORTERS INC. DETROIT, NICH. 86.8 PRDOF. BLENDED CANADIAN WHISKY. (C; 1980

to take. Somewhere along it
we hid our Canadian Club.
Things you've seen should
tell you where.

Tell the boss, "C.C., please.
When you finally do reach
it, ask for the boss, and say,
“C.C., please.” You'll receive
a case of Canadian Club, the
world's finest-tasting whisky.
As you'll discover, C.C. is
smoother and lighter than
other whiskies. You'll also
find how well C.C. mixes. So try it, on the rocks or in a sour or
Manhattan. Millions of people know Canadian Club is worth
searching for. And more than 2,600 San Francisco Bay Area
bars and restaurants know it's worth serving. So enjoy yourself.
Just tell the barman, “C.C., please.”

“The Best In The House"?

PLAYBOY

Cologne, aftershave and grooming essentials

CHANEL

families than God—where are they?
They are all drunk and shut away on
the 39th floor of office buildings. They
have lost the stomach for struggle.” So
Dangler opens Camp Wildwood—a lux
urious survival camp (ог people of good
breeding—to make people tou
How? Largely by the strength of his own
personality. “Ever since prep school
Dangler had seemed to be in touch with
a secret that eluded everyone else, some
elemental, joyous knowledge that showed
in his manner and even in his looks.”

What Cobb saw was that the source of
that joy Dangler's а
tal selfsufliciency, his gene-decp belief
that he needed for himself nothing and
But it doesn't work out that
way. Gaines is able simulta
pull off intricate portraits of the couples
who come to the camp and the intriguing
story of how they all get stuck on a
storm. This is a very

ously to

mountain during
rt hook, butch without being muscle:
bound. and the writin
first-rate.

If your idea of a pivotal historical
figure is Lesley Gore, Aida Pavletich
pleads your case well im Rock-a-Bye, Baby
(Doubleday). This comprehensive history
of female pop singers at times rivals Pon
Kirshner for hyperbole. But at its best,
nostalgic look at the hits

it's a revealing
and the Misses of music's recent past
чао,

You can cry if you

Only Allah knows what forces were
behind this travesty of. journalism titled
The Foll of the Shoh (Wyndham), by the
ever-popular Fereydoun Hoveyda. But
get yourselves ready, my fellow Ameri-
cams, because here comes the first of а
tidal wave of rapidly produced. sloppily
written, opportunistic books on the sub
ject. Almost everything in this particular
ellort is secondhand: Rumors, allega
tions, superficial perceptions, obvious
d as fact

propaganda, all аге deliv
with the preponderance of sources ap
pearing ro be unnamed Americans who

just happened to be passing through 1
w get a bottle of milk for Mother.
Hoveyda is the brother of a former prime
minister, a man who was executed after

this past revolution. No doubt he has
good т t us to hear his side
of the story, but his actual participati

in the ev

эп to м

ws seems to have been quite

limited; histori lysis this ain't

А
In answer to the question “Are you
happy? a character in Ann Beattie's

novel Falling in Place (Random House)
responds, “I might be going to be hap
py.” That wistful sentiment is held. by

nearly every character in this disquictiy
story about ineffective. Families
n friendships. Beattie is a percep
tive writer and in this novel, she's at
her best

nd un

cer

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у COMING ATTRACTIONS з‹

S.O.D., Blake Edwards’ con-

troversial film about Hollywood, will
stir William Holden and Edwards’ wife,
Julie Andrews. Based loosely on Edwards"
own experiences in Tinseltown following
the release of his film Darling Lilt,
9.0.8. concerns the trials and tribula-
tions of a producer who has just made a
box-ollice Пор. The film will apparently
do for Hollywood what Network did for
TV. Holden plays a director and
Miss Andrews’ role is that of a famous
movie star whose screen image threatens
hecome tarnished when she agrees to
star in a рото film for a
studio. . . . Catlin Adams, who pla
carnival bi The Jerk, hy
ned to costar as Neil Diamond
EMI's remake of The Jazz Singer. Miss
Adams will play Rivka, a doctoral candi-
date in Jewish studies who wants her

husband to pursue a career more stable
il . Francis Ford Coppola's
production of Hammett will star Frederic
Forrest as the renowned author of The
Thin Man. Directed by Wim Wenders, the
Hick stus Brian Keith, Marilu Henner
and Sylvia Miles. . . . Author Gay Tolese will
executive produce Joseph E. Levine's The
Boomers, based ou Faleses book The
Bridge, about the American Indians
who built New York City's Verrazano-
Nanows Bridge. IIL be Talese’s first
stint as а produce oducers of the
soomto-beaired TV s Shogun
apparently shot a good deal of footage
involving nude g girls. Those se
quences, according to one source, тау
actually be seen in the TV version. (
forcign theatrical release of the film will
definitely have them). My source cited
tools as a precedent for showing nudity
ı the pursuit of authenticity.
.

Lemon? From the people who brought
us 19/1 comes yet another "comedy "—
this one called Used Cars. 194 l's screen-
writers, Bob Gale and Robert Zemeckis, have
collaborated on the screenplay, an origi
nal, and are, respectively, producer and
director of the project, which is duc for
release in August. Steven Spielberg and
John Milivs are executive producers. Billed
as a “gearstripping, gasguzzling adven-
ture comedy that celebrates America's

Adams

Andrews

n showbiz.

also

g Herves—the Used Car Sales-
men," the flick stars Kurt (Elvis) Russell
and Jock Warden, among others. Russell

Warden

plays a used-car salesman with an eye for
a Senate seat dual
role 1 brother car dealers Luke and
Roy Fuchs. Roy tries throughout the pic-
ture to drive his brother out of business.
Sounds like а good premise, but with
gas prices approaching a dollar and a
half a gallon, is anyone going to be
amused by a “gasguzzling adventure
comedy"

.
BEAT; Yes, Theodore Н. White will

ial

Book
te a book on the 1980 President

race, but ill be his last. “Irs like sitting
through а game of seven-card stud,”
says White in response to why 1980 will

be his last hurrah, "Eve anted in six
campaigns since 1956 and I want to sce
how the 1 Author
E. L. Doctorow has a new novel coming out
in July, his first since the bestselling
Ragtime. Titled Loon Lake, it's a period
piece set in the Thirties and involves the
Tagsto-riches story of a character called
Joe of Paterson, who begins а cross-
country odyssey as а hobo and ends up
achieving incredible success in an Ате
са gripped by Depression and headi
toward war... . Tom Robbins new novel,
Still Lije with Woodpecker, will be pub-
September by Bantam. The

st card turns ир"...

lished i

Doctorow Robbins

folks at Bantam, in fact, are so excited
about it they're releasing it as both a
hardcover (their fast) and а wade paper-
back. According to Robbins. the book is
a love story that takes place within a
pack of Camel cigarettes. It reveals the
purpose of the moon. explains the dit-
ference between outlaws and criminals

and paints a portrait of contemporary
life that indudes powerful Arabs, exiled
royalty and pregnant

well as the problems of r

NEANDERTHALS: Signed to appear with
Barbora Boch and Ringe Storr in United
Artists’ Caveman is Merk

old actor-comedian fresh out of Penn
State. King, who has barely even gotten

his comedic feet wet, will play—get
this—a gay cave man in Ringo's tribe of
madcap Stone Agers. He has also been
signed by Columbia to star in a sitcom
called Ethel Is an Elephant, about a guy
who falls for an elephant and vice versa.
It's certainly nice to know that
cated comedy is making a comeback,
isn't it?

phisti-

.
GET OUT YOUR VIDEO RECORDERS: ABC
has paid $60,000,000 for the right to air,

among other films, Kramer vs. Kramer,
Chapter Two, California Suite.
And Justice for All and Midnight

press.

ЛОРІС рЕРТ.. CBS has commissioned а
docudr
Mansfield, to be
derson will St

ircd in the fall. Loni An-
as Jayne and Amold

Anderson Schwarzenegger

Schwarzenegger will play the role of Mickey
Hargitay, Jayne's muscleman husband
(Hargitay himself is said to be acting as
a consultant on the project). As seems to
be the custom mowadays, à theatrical
release of the film is also. planned. Pro
ducers of the film have | amining
PLAYBOY's past pictorials of Jayne, who
Miss February 1955, since Mis
Anderson may be asked to re-enact some
of the poses; but its doubtful that

was

there'll be any nudity.
E
such A veal: This just in from the

1 Hollywood
deal to pro:
notion picture

Rialto—apparently, a ceri
producer has concluded
duce the first American
ever to be filmed in the People’s Repub
lic of China. As part of the insurance
agreement, the Chinese have guaranteed
that there'll be no war during filming
If there is, the county is liable for
millions. Јону BLUMENTHAL

уе

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He praised the 2.6 liter 6-cylin-
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Power assisted disc brakes on
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all standard, contribute to Supra's
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Hoy! added: The piece de résist-
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PLAYBOY’S TRAVEL GUIDE

By STEPHEN BIRNBAUM

HERE'S A SCENE straight out of Kafka.
described by international attorney Mi.
chael Lacher: A returning traveler ar-
rives at the customs desk of an unnamed
country and is asked to accompany the
customs official to a private room. There
the traveler is asked to disrobe and,
when he asks why. the official declines
to explain. Not a little mystified (and
even more frightened), the traveler asks
to speak with his lawyer but is denied
permission. Feeling deeply wronged, he
Tefuses to remove his clothes, citing
rights of privacy and due process and
his right to counsel. In reply, the cus-
toms official summons two associates,
who proceed forcibly to strip the reluc-
tant traveler. Not satisfied with a mere
external inspection of the now naked
traveler, they proceed to examine his
"body cavities."

Although this sounds like something
you might expect to take place in some
Central. American banana republic, the
fact is that lawyer Lacher is merely syn-
thesizing experiences travelers have actu-
ally had with the Customs Service of the
United States. Admittedly, it doesn’t
happen often, but it does happen.

1 must confess that I initially reacted
to this hypothetical scenario with con-
siderable skepticism and decided to try
to get some independent confirmation.
Surprisingly, Dennis Snyder, the new
ional commissioner of Customs for
the New York area, willingly confirmed
the Customs Service’s use of extraordi-
nary search practices. He told me that
the Customs Service is unique, that it is
the only law-enforcement agency in the
U.S. that has the right to perform a
search of a returning traveler, his bag-
gage and even the vessel or aircraft in
which he has returned, without a war-
nt, without probable cause and even
without suspicion.

Clearly, that is the sort of “right”
has attracted legions of civil liber-
ns to try to restrict the Customs
ice's unusual license. But, so far, the
s have seen it all the Customs
Service's way. Their rationale, the
simplest terms, is that the safety of the
U.S. borders is more important than
the protection of individual rights.

Utilizing this extr
investigate potential lawbreakers, the
Customs Service does a pretty remark-
able job of upholding the 240 or more
laws it is mandated to enforce. And it's
likely to get better, as advanced tech-
nology and the expanding use of com-
puters broaden the Customs officials’
reservoir of information on returning
citizens and other residents. The com-
puter is called TECS (for Treasury En-

CUSTOMARY PROCEDURES

They can't do that to you?
If "they" are Customs agents,
Oh, yes, they can.

forcement Communications System), and
its data bank now includes most of the
information formerly contained in the
Immigration Service's Soundex system.
Customs computer also is said to
have access to records of the FBI. the
National Crime Information Center, the
National Law Enforcement Telecom-
munications System, the Bureau of AL
cohol, Tobacco and Firearms and the
Internal Revenue Service. One Customs
official with whom 1 spoke said that
TECS was even connected to Interpol (an
allegation Snyder denied) and that the
system could conjure up motor-vehicle
information, if necessary (also denied).
But even if the latter two “connections”
are more paranoia than reality, the
more than 1000 terminals currently con-
nected to the main Customs computer
facility in San Diego give every major
(and many minor) point of entry access
to a massive reservoir of information.
This expanding computer capacity
has advantages for returning travelers,
for it has allowed the Customs Service
to implement what it calls its Citizen
Bypass system. Briefly, this system per-
mits an American citizen returning from
abroad to avoid one of the two inbound
checks normally required. At present,
the Customs computer terminal is doing
the job formerly done by Immigration
and Customs inspectors, as the computer

contains the combined data. For law-
breakers and duty avoiders, the com-
puter represents a formidable adversary,
for its memory is mmed with infor-
mation that might well motivate a Cus-
toms official to initiate the sort of
extra-thorough search described above.
And it may well be that the incrimi-
nating evidence dredged up by the com-
puter has been supplied by an informer,
for there are powerful incentives for a
civilian to turn in an offender. Like the
IRS, Customs is a division of the Treas-
ury Department, and both actively en-
courage the cooperation of informers.
The means of encouragement is simple
and straightforward: money.
Commissioner Snyder confirmed the
fact that Customs has a bounty system
and that it can pay informers up to 25
percent of the amount recovered, to a
maximum of $50,000. Specifically, this
bounty is called a moiety, which my
dictionary defines as one half but which
the Customs folks use to describe the
former's share they provide as а re
ward. Whatever its etymology, the
moiety is a heavyweight motivation to
turn in a Customs-cheating friend or
business associate, so you'd better be
careful whom you tell that you beat the
boys downtown.
One wonderful story 1 heard involves
a Westchester executive who made the
mistake of showing his neighbor (and
presumed friend) an expensive watch he
had purchased abroad—and had slipped
by Customs by the simple expedient of
wearing it. The friend was furious (and
probably more than a little envious), so
he promptly called Customs, turned his
neighbor in—and collected a reward.
And ir's not only those you tell you
need fear: The lure of the moiety—it's
payable both at home and abroad—
may even tempt a foreign salescler
to encourage a bit of skulduggery. He
may actually suggest that he supply a
tourist invoice for а lesser
amount than the actual value of his
purchase. The traveler, if he is even
normally greedy, may be more than
willing to enter into this little conspira-
cy, unmindful of the fact that as soon as
he is out of the shop. the clerk may call
a U.S. Customs representative (there
are a number of them stationed in for-
eign countries) and report the transac-
tion. With that data in hand, it's a
simple matter for the overseas Customs
representative to alert his colleagues in
the U.S, and if the traveler does de-
clare the lesser value, the Customs Serv-
ice gets a “Gotcha!"—and the foreign
shopkeeper his moiety. It's a hard sys-

tem to beat,
üa

h an

Its called print-through.

And if you think it interferes with your
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It happens on tape that has low
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music on an adjacent layer, causing
an echo.

At Maxell, we've designed our
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So what’ happening to the opposite
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THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR

ЮМ, husband seems to think that
you'll agree with him that my sex drive
is well above the average (whatever that
means) for women of my age. The facts
are that I'm 29 years old and have been
married for nine years. I immensely
enjoy all facets of sexuality; I accept
pleasure for what it is. I feel the itch
about twice a day, when I get up in
the morning and when I go to bed
at night. Ideally, I would like to have
intercourse (or a mutually acceptable
alternative) with my husband in the
morning and then masturbate before I
go to sleep at night. Please note that
my interest in masturbation is no re-
flection on my husband's expertise or
on the scope of our activities—I just
enjoy it. My husband is adamant that
few women, statistically, desire sexual
activity as much as I do. I find it hard
to believe that I'm the least bit unusual.
Are there any figures to back up my
contention that my level of activity
probably not unusuaD—Mis. L. D., Chi-
cago, Illinois.

Your appetite is not unusual. We
found one study that indicates some 19
percent of the women surveyed wanted
sex at least once a day, while another
ten percent felt like вепр it on more
often than that. Amen. The author con-
cluded that desire was variable. For the
majority of women, it fluctuated ac-
cording to their feelings for their part-
ner. Your husband should regard your
hunger as a compliment. There is no
such thing as too much desire. The
numbers are nonsense and are not the
real source of your problem. Your hus-
band probably views your appetite as a
source of pressure. Your morning and
evening routine has become a series of
command performances. We suspect
that if you varied your schedule—or
abandoned it—you would both be free
to experience sex spontaneously. Way-
lay him when he comes home from
work; or do it in the car on the way to
a movie.

BBecause of the stress of my job, my
doctor has prescribed Valium for me for
the past year or so. I've read a lot of
scare stories about the stuff's leading to
addiction and it worries me. Every once
in a while, TIl skip a few days, just to
see what happens. I don't seem to suffer
any withdrawal pangs, so I asume I'm
not an addict. But is there something I
don't know?—P. T., Pittsburgh, Penn-
sylvania.

Yes, you don’t know what you're
doing to your body. Diazepam, sold un-
der the brand name Valium, aside from

creating a rapid dependence, tends to
overstay its welcome in the body. If you
took it regularly over an extended period
of time and then stopped, after three
days, half of the tranquilizer would still
be in your system. After another three
days, half of the remainder would still
be there. So skipping a day or two would
tell you nothing about your possible ad-
diction. Withdrawal symptoms might not
be evident for as long as a week. When
Valium withdrawal hits, it can be more
serious than heroin withdrawal. (See the
drug package in the September 1978
PLAYBOY for details.) But why not face
it; Valium addiction isn’t your biggest
problem. Your real problem is your job.
If it’s so stressful that you've got to walk
around in a fog to do it, it's time to
start sending out those résumés.

Hlos do you define possessive? I've
been living with a girl for about two
years now. She claims that she is happy
with the relationship, that I satisfy all
of her wants and needs and that she
doesn’t miss the company of her old
friends, whom she almost never sees. I'm
bothered by occasional flashes of claus-
wophobia. І like to go out with other
people—racquetball with the guys, а
lunch date with some old female friends
and, infrequently, a sexual fling. Is there
something wrong with mc in that I can't
be satisfied by just one person?—B. N.,
Chicago. Illinois.

Nope. In a recent study of engaged
couples and newlyweds, only 18 percent
reported that their emotional needs
were extremely or well satisfied by their
mates. The statistical odds of becoming

completely nourished by another person
are small. To expect a single person to
provide all of your entertainment places
an incredible burden on him or her.
The result: a burnout. Different people
can satisfy different aspects of your per-
sonality and keep you interested and
interesting.

ast purchasing my video recorder cost
so much I barely had enough left over
to buy tapes for it. A friend who works
for a TV station says he can get me old
cassettes for practically nothing. My
question is, How much can you use tape
before the image starts to go? I know
that audio tape can be used practically
forever, but I've never heard what the
life span of video tape is—M. R., St.
Louis, Missouri.

Unfortunately, it depends on who
made the video tape and how well.
Basically, video tape has three elements:
a clear polyester base, a binder and
magnetic oxide particles on the surface.
The oxide is the part that contains the
image. Trouble is, those particles have
a tendency to fall off in chunks through
use. It's a condition known as dropout
and it means that that part of the tape
can no longer record. It will show up on
playback as a white or black hole in the
picture. Most of the time, those holes, or
dropouts, will be apparent only at the
beginning or the end of the tape, since
that’s where the machine puts the most
strain on it. You shouldn't experience
a lot of dropout unless you have a par-
ticularly cheap tape. Some tapes begin
dropping particles after 10 to 20 passes
over the heads. But a good-quality tape
should be good for as many as 100 passes
before visible deterioration begins. Even
with very good tape, however, you can
have problems with quality control. One
tape may be all right and the next may
have a tendency to drop out. Your best
bet is to buy the best tape you can,
avoid constant starts and stops and kecp
the tapes as clean as you can, because
dust and even grease from your fingers
can accelerate deterioration. If you're
recording something you really care
about or may want to dub, use the new
stuff and save the used tape for “Моп-
day Night Football.”

A re poppers safe? A lot of my friends
claim that amyl nitrite is a true aphro-
ас. Гуе tried some of the legal ver-
sions—the isobutyl nitrite—and all I end
up with is a headache. What's the
story?—L. S., Miami, Florida.

According to a report in Medical
Aspects of Human Sexuality, some

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500,000,000 doses of amyl and isobutyl
nitrite were consumed last year for
recreational purposes. Dr. Thomas P.
Lowry explained the effecis as follows:
"When inhaled, the nitrites dilate the
peripheral blood vessels (including the
cerebral vessels), speed the heart and
drop blood pressure about 20 mm/Hg.
The EEG changes from alpha to beta
with no pathologic patterns. Subjec-
tively already pleasurable experiences
are heightened, sexual sensations are
enhanced, orgasm feels prolonged and
exalted and activities that may have
been repugnant or painful, such as
fellatio or anal intercourse, become pos-
sible and/or desirable. Enthusiasts use
terms like ‘joy beyond words’ and ‘tran-
scendent. " Praise the Lord and pass the
amyl, eh? The drug seems relatively
safe: The Drug Abuse Warning Net-
work has been unable to document a
single death or permanent injury that
could be traced to the use of poppers.
Many users report that over-the-counter
preparations of isobutyl nitrite produce
headaches such as you experience. As
for amyl nitrite—if you get caught, you
may end up with a legal headache. Rec-
reational use is frowned upon by the
Feds.

Ore of my friends tells me that a
scientist in Europe has invented a vac-
cine that protects against herpes. Do
you have any information about it—
G. W., Washington, D.C.

If you are a laboratory mouse, you're
in great shape. If you're human, you
may have to wait a few years, but the
prospects look good. Dr. Gordon Skin-
пет of England has succeeded in pro-
ducing a herpes vaccine out of herpes
viral antigen—a protein on the surface
of the virus. Previous attempts to create
a herpes vaccine used dead or weakened
herpes cells. Doctors feared that intro-
ducing any form of herpes virus into the
body could cause cancer. Dr. Skinner has
managed to isolate an apparently harm-
less protein. When introduced into
mice, it causes the production of herpes
antibodies. Skinner lested the vaccine
by injecting nonvaccinated mice with
a dose of active herpes. The result:
an average of 1000 infectious particles
within a week. Mice that had been vac-
cinated produced an average of only ten
infectious particles.

В didn't mind the conversion to metrics,
as long as just NASA and auto mechan:
ics were affected. But now it's hit home;
specifically, my liquor cabinet. I can no
longer tell how much is in the bottle or
whether or not I'm getting a deal. The
bottles look the same, but I just can't
relate to 750 milliliters. Is that a fifth
or ain't и?—К. D. New York New
York.

It's almost а fifth, but in this case, a

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miss isn't аз good as a kilometer. In
converting to metric volumes, liquor
bottlers tried to pick sizes that were as
close as possible to the old ones. Some-
limes it worked, sometimes it didn’t
Half pints, now 200 milliliters, lost
1.2 ounces in the shuffle. Pints, now
500 milliliters, gained .9 ounce. Quarts,
which are now liters, got 1.8 ounces bit
ger and half gallons shrank 4.8 ounces
10 fit into а 1.75-liter package. Your old-
faithful fifth suffered least, dropping
only .2 ounce to become 750 milliliters.
The only way to tell if you're getting a
good deal, then, is to convert the ne
volumes to ounces and compare the
cost. per ounce with the old price. But
chances are that inflation has jacked
the price up, anyway. So 105 probably
best to forget the whole thing and try
to get used to the new sizes. A drink
might help soothe your nerves. After all,
two fingers is still two fingers.

[хс always wanted a powerboat and
this may be the year I get опе, 1 realize,

though, that it is a luxury item and T
wouldn't buy one if I thought 1 would

be contributing to the energy shor
just for my own pleasure. Please
isn't so.— J. P., Eau Claire, Wisconsin
We'd love to say it isn't so, but those
boats don't run on waler, they run in
water. So, strictly speaking, you will be
dipping into the energy stock pile. On
the other hand, despite the fact that
there are about 11,000,000 powerboats
currently registered in the U.S., they
consume only one half of one percent of
all the fuel used in combustion-engine
vehicles. The secrel, you see, is that they
are seasonal vehicles in most parts of
the country. In Wisconsin, for inslance,
an average boater would use only about
60 gallons per season. We assume you're
talking boat, not ship, since those fig-
ures are based on the average-sized boat,

which is under 26 feet and runs about
$2500, including the engine cost. When
you also consider that lime spent on the
water means less time behind the wheel
of your car, things seem to balance out.
Bul af you're still feeling guilty, you
could opt for a sailboat. They're quiet-
er, just as exciting and—they’re free as
the wind,

ММ... been hearing about electric
cars for some time now; but, despite
the advances in the technology for such
a car, we don't seem to get any closer
ble product. What's

to having a sal
holding up the works—M. P., New
York, New York.

Yow ll remember, or maybe you won't,
that we had the same problem when
converting from horse and buggy to the
internal-combustion engine. That is,
what to do with the hitching posts and
the blacksmiths. We've got the biggest
industry in the country centered on the

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PLAYBOY

A SLIGHT DISTURBAN

CE of the earth

created the Jack Daniel’s cave spring some

400 million years ago.

The disturbance, so say geologists, caused a
crack in the surface of the earth and allowed a
stream of iron-free water to spring up from
underground. Luckily, Jack Daniel discovered the

stream in 1866 and we've
been using it to make our
whiskey ever since. Today, a
second movement of earth

could seal off our water
entirely. But, to a Jack

Daniel's lover, that would

be no slight disturbance.

CHARCOAL
MELLOWED

DROP

BY DROP

Tennessee Whiskey • 90 Proof + Distilled and Bottled by Jack Daniel Distillery
Lem Motlow, Prop., Inc., Lynchburg (Pop. 361), Tennessee 37352
Placed in the National Register of Historic Places by the United States Government.

gasoline engine. A similar industry will
have to be developed before electric cars
are practical. That includes mechanics,
recharging stations, paris distributors
and all the corollary personnel necessary
to make it work. Plus, new problems
keep popping up. For instance, a recent
study by the Department of Energy's
Argonne National Laboratory turned
up the possibility of electric shock,
should the car be involved in an acci-
dent. It also found that. toxic gases are
produced during recharging that must
be dealt with. Electric fires from acci-
dents will require special attention from
fire fighters, too. And one of the biggest
unforeseen problems is that of engine
noise. There just isn't amy. That be-
comes very important when you can't
hear the car that is about to hit you.
ICI be a while before all those problems
are solved and, even when they ave, the
first vehicles you see on the road will
probably be commercial ones, nol pas-
Senger cars.

Have you ever called a lover by the
е? I was playing tenni

iend the other day and,
identally called her

my new gi
the heat of pl
by my previous lover's name. It really
spooked me. I mumbled an apolo

queered the whole relationship:
Chicago, Ilinois.

It depends. Were you able to finish
the game? Was your previous lover
named Frank? You're still alive, so our
guess is you handled it right. If it hap-
pens again, you might try explaining
it in terms of W. Timothy Gallwey's
“The Inner Game of Tennis.” Your
Self 1—the judgmental, verbal critic—
should have been aware of your part-
ners identity, but your nonverbal
“What planet am 1 on?” Self 2 was pre-
occupied with the play and drifted off
into timeless memories of previous games
and partners. Old associations can pop
up al the most disconcerting times. At
least it didn’t happen in bed. The only
sure cure is not to call your dates by
name, However, “Hey, you, bend over
and spread” doesn't strike us as elegant
or romantic. “Honey” or “Darling”
works well—especially in Hollywood.
Our advice: Don't let this throw you. It
happens to everybody.

All reasonable questions—from fash-
ion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars
to dating dilemmas, taste and eliquetle—
will be personally answered if the writer
includes a stamped, self-addressed en-
velope. Send all letters to The Playboy
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michi-
gan Avenue, Chicago, Hlinois 60611. The
most provocative, pertinent queries will
be presented on these pages cach month.

There is no sure blueprint for the creation of a great classic
motorcar. Yet all true classics have qualities in common that
are evident at a glance: a clean, graceful and timeless look;

rare poise in motion and a sure feeling

that it was conceived by motoring enthu-

siasts and built by dedicated craftsmen.

In view of the fact that few authentic
classics have ever been created since
the evolution of the motorcar. it is little
short of astonishing to contemplate how
many of them are MGs.

Todays MGB may well be the finest
expression of the MG philosophy. It
is clean, lean and quick to respond. It

is satisfying to look at and great fun |

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Find out how il feels to be part of a great
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call these numbers toll-free:

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BÍ г: Jaguar Rover Triumph Inc. LEONIA.N J 07605

PLAYBOY

Ten packs

of Carlton

have less tar than one pack of...

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mg/cig. mg:/cig.

Kent 0.9 Parliament Lights

Kool Milds 0.8 Salem Lights

Marlboro Lights 0.8 Vantage 11

Merit 0.6 Vantage Menthol — 11 |
Merit Menthol 8 06 Winston Lights 14 11

Carlton is lowest.

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Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined Bat: Lass than 0.5 mo: “tar. 0:05imo: toiii:
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. Soft Pack and M Ting. "tr", vi mm n
nicotine av. per cigarette, FIC Report Dec. ^79.

THE PLAYBOY FORUM

acontinuing dialog on contemporary issues between playboy and its readers

EQUAL TIME

After reading in your February issue
about New York mayor Ed Koch's plan
to embarrass convicted Johns by having
their names read over the city-owned
radio station, 1 felt compelled to write
to The New York Times. Permit me to
share part of my letter with your readers:

I think this procedure is grossly
unfair to those of us in a victimized
minority named John who are re-
jected and ignored by prostitutes. 1
am, therefore, requesting equal time
from WNYC in order that my name,
John Zeigler, be broadcast in ac-
cordance with the provision of the
FCC's Fairness Doctrine.

This is, essentially, a demand Гог
counteradvertising time. My justifi-
when WNYC adve
tises the names of potential Johns
to ladies of the night it has the effect
of broadening their business sub-
ly. It is, therefore, a commer-
essage thinly disguised as a
public-service announcement, It
should be identified more properly
as a “public-service broadcast." Ву
multiplying the hookers’ prospects,
WNYC gives them more opportuni-
s to be selective and to continue
to turn down those of us the
gretably find unsexy and roma
cally unsuitable.

It's one thing to stroll down New
York streets with my male colleagues
and suffer the embarrassment of
these wi а turning away from me
while they energetically court. and
pursue my friends. It's quite another
thing for WNYC to heap further
iliation on me through the
ssion of my name and contribute
to my reputation as being erotically
ble while conferring
ual status on my arrested
friends who have been accepted in
the exclusive and intimate sex-for-
profit inner circle.

John Zeigler
New York, New York

STREET STRATEGY

I scem to recall a reader's question
(The Playboy Forum, December 1979)
about asking apparent prostitutes wheth-
er or not they were cops, in the hope
that a police officer's duty to identify
herself would apply. You answered in
the negative and that seems correct to
me. However, what do you think of this

strategy? The John asks the pro. “Would
it be illegal for me to give you money
for sex?” To which the pro (being famil-

with the strategy) replies, "No. but
what do you think?” And the John
agrees. The idea is that if either is with
the vice squad, he will have committed

“And any arrest, it’s hoped,
will be thrown out of court."

entrapment and any arrest. it's hoped.
will be thrown out of a court of law.
That same conversation could apply to
other transactions. What is your opinion?
Rex Curry
Plant City, Florida
Entrapment is hard to prove, even
when it does occur. The way you've set
it up, not only would the police-decoy
prostitute be authorized to lie about her
identity and the legality of the act but
the approach would be so transparent
thet the wording of the proposition
really wouldn't matter. Don't forget that
the principle of entrapment involves a
police officer's provoking a person io
commit a crime he had no prior inten-
tion of commitling. If your hypothetical
John claimed absence of prior intent,
about the best he could hope for would
be a short recess until the courtroom
laughter subsided. Speaking of hookers,
sec our “Forum Follies” on page 74.

SEX ON WHEELS
I've suddenly become
enthusiast! Recently, during a long ride
with my husband on his bike, my back
became sore from slouching. To correct
the problem, 1 started sitting up very
straight and arching my back, which
tended to press my most sensitive part
down on the seat. That sent all the
brations straight to my clitoris and it
felt wonderful, so 1 spread my legs a
little, held on loosely so my nipples
rubbed on my husband's back and let the
cycle do the rest. When 1 came, I nearly
fell off the bike. My poor husband didn't
know what the hell was going on and
then nearly died laughing. All you bikers
out there: this along to your women.
(Name withheld by request)
Chicago, Illinois
In the past, we've heard from a sailor
who got it on with a deck polisher and
a housewife who got off on a floor
sander. It's all a matter of good vibes.

motorcycle

FLIMFLAM MAN

So far, you have published one News-
front item (October 1978) and onc elab-
orating letter (December 1979) about the
a who ended up in Leavenworth
absconding with a Cadillac that he
nlammed from a car dealer and who
ped from prison by way of a
stolen pickup and a rented limousine—
meanwhile, having escaped from a local
jail by conning a guard into letting him
call a limousine for his supposed lawyer,
who was (also supposedly) picking up
Senator Barry Goldwater. Want the rest?

In order to get out of a secure jail in
Oregon and into a hick jail in Washing
ton so he could pull his “Goldwater
escape,” this character created an elab-
orate jai-break-plan story that he laid on
the paranoid local authorities and the
FBI so they would transfer him for his
protection." He then escaped. all right,
but left half a dozen innocent and
unaware cellmates—including me—with
escape "jackets" thar earned. us months
of brutality, harassment and chains. All
because of that creep.

Ron Addicks
Salem, Oregon

"SON OF SAM” SPEAKS

1 have been sentenced to 315 years i
prison for the six murders known as the
"Son of Sam" killings and one old say-
ing keeps ringing in my cars: "Crime
docs not рау!” Well, I must. personally
say that crime does pay! It pays quite

PLAYBOY

ailers ac
єз of Gary Gil
nt.

but I am
ite. Most of those who are outside
prison walls speak. vehemently а
convicts and speak f.
punishment. Yet they will think nothing
of it when a book or a movie, based on
very real crime, a very violent crime,
hv victims, is presented
tainment, The public
seems to forget all the innocent people
who had to shed their precious blood so
that a book, a movie or whatever could
be developed.

Furthermore, while 1 see the public
demanding death for killers, 1 have yet
to see it demand that the entertain
g like vultures
by exploiting crime (criminals and vic
tims included). I have yet to see the
public demand that any publishing com-
pany or film company turn over a rea
sonable amount of the royalties to the
severely injured victims of criminals or
to the families of those who di

Soon millions of people will be r
ing the coming Son of Sam book
will be floc
coming Son of Sam movie.
сап only assume that society app
of these crimes and considers wholesale
murder of innocent people to be enter

ng-

In all honesty, 1 prefer to stay here in
prison. Why? Well, while this place is
ill of. convicis, they aren't hypocr
"They tell it just like it is!

1 Berkoy
Correctional Facility
New York

handsomely, (00
count of the life
more certainly proves my pe

w
ıo them

nt industry stop

roves

No comme

KILLING WITH KINDNESS

The only humane way to die is by
natural causes. But, unfortunately, more
than 400 convicted atly
on death row showed no humanity to-
ward their victims when they killed them.

True, there is no good way to execute
and dispose of the human trash so
produces. But to let convicted murderers
li е Full lives and die of natural causes
им society and esper
milies of murder victims.
ue of human life decreased
jety executes those who have

nurderers curr

against the f
Is the v
because so

murdered? Or does capital. punishment
ina

sc the value of human life by de
nivicted murderers of the
to live with us?

Graig Zalanka
Fort

ng €

le. Flor

derd:

As а first-year law student and a long
time opponent ol capital punishment,

I took a special interest in Scott Chris
tianson's essay “Killing with Kindness,”
in your April 1979 issue. I once found

comment by Albert Сатих (as quoted i

FORUM NEWSFRONT

what’s happening in the sexual and social arenas

GREEN WEENIE

OXNARD, CALIFORNIA—A superior
court judge declared a mistrial in the
case of a man charged with rape after
jurors refused to view the defendant's
penis. The color of the organ became
an issue after a 16-year-old rape victim
said her attacker's was pinkish-brown,

while an investigator described the
defendant's as reddish-brown, In. poor-
quality photos taken at the jail, the
penis looked green. The defendant
agreed to display himself to the jurors
one by one in a nearby holding cell,
but when a woman juror refused to
view Ihe evidence and the others sup-
ported her. position, the judge ordered
a new trial in another court.

MALE RAPE VICTIM

cmcaco—An embarrassed 23-year-
old steelworker reported that he was
abducted by tw vomen, bound in
chains and raped numerous times be-
fore being released. The incident ос
cuted when the man offered lo help
the omen their supposedly
stalled car. Both pulled guns, drow
him blindfolded to a house and there,
according to police, “used his body re-
peatedly for several hours.”

start

FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD NAZI

cuicaco—Frank Collin, one of the
country's leading neo-Nazis, has been
charged with laking indecent liberties
with young boys whom he allegedly
iwed to hotel rooms ov lo his apart
ment above the local Nazi headquarters
for sex and photogsaphy sessions. Ac
cording to police, the boys “did not

realize he leader and
thought the swastika hanging їп his
bedroom was some sort. of Chinese
design." Papers reporting the arrest
said Collin had been ousted as head of
the National Socialist Party of America

for being “burned out" and ineffectual,

was a Nazi

HAPPY FAMILY

MiLWwaUKEE—A county probate cout
has allowed a 21-year-old homosexual to
adopt a 23-year-old homosexual as his
son. The two explained that this was a
way 10 make each other heirs without
writing a will, 10 share last names and
to establish a relationship more per-
manent than marriage. The judge
commented later, “It was an unusual
pelition, but there was nothing to indi-
cate they homosexuals. And if
there was something, I don't k if it
ould have been any of my business.”

were

JOGGER JUSTICE

PALM BEACH. FLORIDA—A 3/-year-old.
defense attorney has been spared a pos
sible 60 days in jail or a $500 fine for
jogging without wearing a shirt, in vio-
lation of a local ordinance. The judge
who heard the case declared the ordi-
nance nol only foolish but unconstitu-
tional: “Irs silly. There is no valid
purpose and enforcing it is an im prope
exercise of police power.” The deferid-
ant, Assistant Public Defender Allen
DeWeese, accepted congratulations
from courtroom spectators and assured
everyone, “This decision isn't going to
overturn life in Palm Beach as it has

been known.”

HEALTH HAZARDS

WASHINGTON, D.C.—(Ciling ten deaths
last year, the Consumer Products Safety
Commission has warned hot-tub оше
to keep the water temperature below
IM degrees F. and to
drinking or the use of sedatives before
taking a dip. Higher temperatures, the
agency says, can lead to heat stroke, and
the drinks or drugs have caused some
people to pass out and drown. Pregnant
women were advised against soaking in
water hotter than 102. degrees be-
cause of health visks to the fetus.

void he

GETTING THE MESSAGE
CHICAGO: relatively new Dialan:
Atheist phone service in the Chic
area has been outdrawing the estab-
lished Dial-a-Prayer service by three to
onc, according lo telephone-company

figures. One feature of the 1лїаёап-
Atheist recorded message, sponsored by
the Northern Hlinois chapter of
Madalyn Murray. O'Hair's. American
Atheists organization, is that listeners,
at the sound of a beep, have an oppor-
tunity to reply.

PROFESSIONAL SEX

PORTLAND, OREGON—A Beaverton at-
torney has brought suit against the Ore-
gon Slate Bar to rescind its 1979 ethics
decision that divorce lawyers are not
prohibited from having sexual affairs
wilh clients under certain circum-
stances. The bar decided that attorney-
client sex does not necessarily violate
profesional standards when the divorce
is amicable, no children are involved
and such conduct does not affect either
the client's. interest. or the
judgment. The plaintiff argues that this
liberalized code not only promotes con-
flicts of interest and public suspicion of
the legal profession but also fails to
consider that many persons
through divorces are emotionally de-
pendent оп their attorneys and vulner-
able to exploitation

attorney's

going

MILITARY COVER-UP
мазилстох, DC—The Army and
the Air Force have formally banned
topless dancing at all Service Clubs,
despite the popularity of such enter-
tainment. The Air Force order says
that commanders “cannot, even in the

face of the expressed desires of a sub-
stantial number of patrons, abrogate
their responsibility for protecting the
over-all interest of the Air Force”
The Army's order is worded similarly
and both Services said they had drafted
the rules because field commanders had
asked for guidance. The Navy is re-
viewing its policies but emphasized

that regulations require “standards of
discretion, modesty and good taste.”

LEGAL DEFINITION

PHOENIX, ARIZONA—The Arizona Su-
preme Court, in reversing one of two
counts of child molestation, has ruled
that female breasts do not constitute
“private parts” under state law. The
cont found that the term private parts
refers solely to the genital area.

FAMILY PLANNING

DEARBORN HEIGHTS, MICHIGAN—A. cir-
cuil court has obstructed Ihe efforts
of a suburban Detroit couple to pay a
surrogale mother to bear a baby they
cannol have themselves. The couple
cited their right of privacy and also
argued that a state law prohibiting
payment for the adoption of babies
was loo vague lo apply to their pro-
posed arrangement, which involved the
artificial insemination of a woman who
would agree, for $5000. plus expenses,
10 surrender the child after its birth.
The state claimed that that could lead

lo a “commercial market in babie:
and the court agreed. calling it baby
bartering and stating that “mercenary
considerations used 10 create a parent-
child relationship and its impact upon
the family unit strikes at the very
foundation of human society.”

In Maryland, however, a single 20-
year-old woman has undergone arti-
ficial insemination in order to bear a
baby for a childless Delaware couple.
The surrogate motherto-be said she
would accept no payment and was
simply performing a humanitarian
service for a woman who had had a
hysterectomy before marriage.

CHILD CUSTODY

NEW vork crrv—/n what legal ob-
servers called an unusual and coura-
geous ruling, a Manhattan family-court
judge has awarded an unwed father
custody of his three-year-old son whose
mother had given him 10 a foster home.
Judge Leah Marks said that “the worst
that has ever been said about the fa-
ther is [that he once] had a mustache,
beard and slovenly appearance,” but
there was nothing to indicate his un-
fitness as а parent.

NO QUIBBLING

LANSING, MICINGAN—A_ circuit. court
judge has decided that a 17-year-old
male high school stude, nl cannot, after
all, play on the girl's volleyball team.
Rescinding the temporary permission
that had been granted pending а hear-
ing, the judge said, “The over-all ath-
Тепє opportunities today for boys and
girls are substantially equal.” Then he
added, “I didn't say identical. I said

equal.” The issue was taken up by the
American Civil Liberties Union after
the student argued that his school’s lack
of a boys’ volleyball team amounted to
sex discrimination unless he could play
with the girls! team.

HIGH SEAS

ST. PETERSBURG, FLORIDA—Six crew-
men have been fined and six others
demoted and disciplined for having

marijuana aboard the Coast Guard

culter. Steadfast, which has the best

record of any vessel in service for in-
lercepting pot smugglers. The ship's
executive officer described the incidents
r and "definitely not related to
our nforcement activities" The
Steadfast is credited with intercepting
nearly 1,000,000 pounds of U. S-bound.
marijuana,

BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY

Seven members of
the district attorney's staff resigned and
two city police officers have been fired,
five other officers have been suspended
and more than 30 others reprimanded
as a result of а cops-only stag party that
reputedly involved illegal gambling, a
nude dancer and pornographic video
tapes. Police Chief Richard LaMunyon
and District Attorney Vern Miller both
denounced the party and said. such
or would make it difficult: for
s lo credibly enforce liquor and
vice laws.

EE JEOPARDY

s—Police were at first
sur prise d when the husband of a theft
suspect turned unsympathetic toward
his wife upon learning she had been
arrested for stealing birth-control pills.
He refused to post bond, told them
they could keep her and then explained,
“1 had a vasectomy five years ago."

733

PLAYBOY

William J. Bowers’ Executions in Amer-
ica, 1974) that summarizes my own feel-
ings and that I hope you will share with
your readers:

Let us be frank about that penalty
which can have no publicity, that
intimidation which works only on
respectable people, so long as they
are respectable, which fascinates
those who have ceased to be respect-
able and debases or deranges those
who take part in it. It is a penalty,
to be sure, and а frightful torture,
both physical and moral, but it pro-
vides no sure example except a de
moralizing one. It punishes, but it
forestalls nothing; indeed, it may
even arouse the impulse to mur-
der... . Let us call it by the name
which for lack of any other nobility,
will at least give the nobility of
truth and let us recognize it for what
it is essentially; a revenge.

Clifford Farrell
Columbus, Ohio

WOMEN AT WAR

Robert Shea's article Women at War
(PLAvmov, February) is simply bcauti-
ful. To his discussion of violence, sex
crimes and pornography, I would re-
spectfully add the follow!

Whatever may be said about "hatred
of women,” we may rest assured that far
more of it is being spawned from the
pulpits of fundamentalist churches than
from the thousands of porn shops across
the country. It does not take a Pres

dential commission to understand th

but only a іше time and observation.
Indeed, if the ill effects of the religious
repression of sexuality could be clim-

inated, violent pornogr
no patrons.

In the meantime, censorship of any
kind will only make the current por
problem worse by stifling the distribu-
tion of decent erotica. Anita Bryant's
crusade against homosexuals aptly dem-
onstrated this. 1 am really shocked th
the women’s liberationists do not ri
member this in their current efforts to

aphy would have

FORUM

Here's one of the more interesting
press releases we've received in re-
cent months. It’s from a New Orleans
organization called the Professional
Association Seeking Sexual Identi-
fication Observant of Nature (PAS-
SION), which only demonstrates the
extremes to which people will go to
create an acronym. We reprint it here
for the benefit of readers (and local
law-enforcement authorities) in Peo-
ria, lowa City, etc., who might other-
wise think that their communities
have problems.

In response to the recent com-
plaints by businessmen and pedes-
trians along the 100 and 200 blocks
of Iberville, Paula Dyan, president of
PASSION, announced that “PASSION
and professional sisters do not
condone the practice of proposition-
ing men accompanied by wives or
families. Nor do we approve of some
of the ladies’ practice of aggressive
sexual handling and solicitation of
potential male customers. Neither do
we approve of the ancillary crimes
(i.e., muggings and thefts) committed
by women who pose as prostitutes."

The first two blocks of Decatur and
Iberville has been the scene of much
uproar in the past few weeks, as
Scores of women and their pimps
gathered for business as usual. Men
were approached every few feet,
sometimes with the women grabbing
them in not so public places while
asking them for "dates." Proprietors
in that area had complained that the
women's antics were causing а
disturbance and hurting business.
Ms. Dyan also received complaints,
prompting the need for an announced
set of standards.

Said Ms. Dyan, "Prostitution might
be one of the oldest trades, but in the

FOLLIES

history of Judaeo-Christianity, it still
lacks professionalism in terms of a
uniform set of standards, a code of
ethics, a union and refined social
skills on a more aesthetical level. As
long as prostitution is considered a
criminal activity, the trade will remain
clandestine and continue to associate
itself with the more harmful crimes.

She emphasized the need for stand-
ards, stating that customers sought
the services of prostitutes because of
their need for, above all, confiden-
tiality, honesty and discretion. "Меп
need someone with whom they can
fulfill their sexual fantasies, whom
they can trust without fear of de-
struction to their careers or family life.
Most men love their wives and family.
They just have a need, like all human
beings, for variety and adventure.
Prostitutes fulfill that need without
the jeopardy of extramarital love af-
fairs that threaten the family life."

In response to the accusation that
most prostitutes mug and rob their
customers, Ms. Dyan protested, stat-
ing. "In any occupation, there's a
certain number of unscrupulous, dis-
honest business practices that gives
that profession а bad name." Ms.
Dyan recommended that the state
decriminalize prostitution but control
it through civil means. She supports
the idea of zoning areas for houses
catering to the business of prostitu-
tion, and licensing for both free-
lancers and those who work in
houses.

PASSION is basically correct; sin,
when outlawed, becomes crime. But
what we mos! enjoy is the tone of
the news release, which sounds like
something from a chamber of com-
merce or special-interest lobby.

suppress what they consider misogynistic
porn. Truly, life and politics are puz-
aling.

John L. Indo
Huntsville, Texas

At one time, I could have agreed with
Women Against Pornography. but no
longer. In college, I researched the Con.
stitution and became convinced that the
First Amendment is too fragile and pre
cious a right to withstand even a little
censorship. The terms obscenity and por
nography defy definition, That deter-
mination is an opinion, a nominative
judgment, not a fact.

A law, in order to be just and effective.
must state in specific terms what is and is
not permissible. If, then, we are unable
to define obscenity and pornography, we
are forced to write a vague law. Such a
law, written by well-meaning legislators
with the purpose of protecting the safety
and dignity of women, could eventually
be used to ban 0 which the silent

jority finds acceptable.

Suppressing pornography to rid socicty
of rape is only a futile stopgap measure
to deal with a symptom. The disease was
contracted when we learned that sex was
dirty. When sex is seen for what it is, a
healthy and pleasurable act between two
people who love cach other, the di
will begin 10 lose its hold on our soci
Not before then.

Hamilton, Ohi

RAPE RATE

Tt might be worth reminding people
that present rape statistics are not neces
sarily a good index of the frequency of
this crime. As a police officer with nearly
15 years’ experience, I'm very much
aware that rape seems to be increasing at
a terrifying rate. And I'm sure that in
pure numbers, it is increasing, because
of a growing population and perhaps
(though I haven't checked) а "bulge" in
the age group most prone to committing
rape. But I have a strong feeling that the
alarming rape figures are also a result of
better reporting of that crime. For this.
the women's movement сап take a good
I of credit. Rape victims today
treated, I believe, much more sympathet
ally than they were even ten years ago;
there is much more public awareness of
the problem; and, consequently, there
ms to be much less hesitancy on the
part of victims to “call the cops”
1 of going
ssed seclusion.
This is only good. But it may be dis
ad ng the
public into thinking that rapists suddenly
everywhere, when the rate of rapes
actually commiued has not greatly
changed.

(Name withheld by request)
Boston, Massachusetts

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PES ПА)
EX C

GAY LIFE
1 object to the tone and content of
Nora Gallagher's January article, which
fosters the stereotyped notion that gay
males are obsessed by sex, out to attack
society's standards and mostly interested
in giving cach other blow jobs. It's in-
credible that this kind of distorted think-
ing persists. The truth is that most gay
males are just as interested in establish-
ing permanent relationships as their
heterosexual counterparts and are not,
as a rule, woman haters, child molesters,
psychopaths or sexual gluttons. Further-
more, they rarely make overt advances
to straight males for the obvious reason
that they don't want to be ridiculed,
socially ostracized or physically assaulted.
Gays have the same needs, feelings and
emotions as everyone else; all they want
is to be judged as individuals on the
basis of their abilities, merits and charac-
ter. Their sexual preference is not a
political position statement and not an
effort to undermine the values of society
or destroy the family. Sexual liberation
will not create more homosexuals, it will
just let existing ones try to lead more
decent, happy and productive lives.
(Name withheld by request)
Albuquerque, New Mexico

What a pity; just as society seems
illing to give a little ground in its
ageold hostility toward homosexuals,
Walter J. Phillips has to open his yap
(The Playboy Forum, March). His foul-
mouthed epithets against heterosexuals
may have helped eliminate the notion
that gays are passive, limp-wristed pan-
sies, but it also may have helped rein-
force the idea that they are nothing
short of dangerous perverts.

(Name withheld by request)

Palo Alto, California

LOVE IN THE AFTERNOON

Im а 30year-old happily married
woman who just had her first homosex-
ual experience. My lover is an old, dear
friend whom I've known since we were
teenagers. We have always been fond of
each other but have never expressed our
feelings physically, because it simply was
not socially acceptable for two women
to kiss, touch, fondle or hold each other.

One afternoon, I impulsively went up
behind her and hugged her tight, telling
her how much I'd enjoyed our friend-
ship through the years. She turned in my
embrace and, with our breasts pressed
together, kissed me. It was a kiss lovers
share. That seemed to release whatever
inhibitions had prohibited physical love
before and we soon were undressed and
expressing our deep feelings for cach
other. It was a truly satisfying experience.

We currently make love several times
а week. Since our relationship has no
effect on our marriages, we don't think
it’s necessary to tell our husbands of our
affair. In fact, sex with my husband has

significantly improved, because I'm

much more aware of my body. My friend

and I should have done this years ago.
(Name withheld by request)
Marblehead, Massachusetts

AFFIRMATIVE ACTION

The continuing brouhaha in The
Playboy Forum concerning the draft is
significant for what is not said. First of
all, in this age of manic equality, healthy
young men will not allow themselves
alone to be called into the military service.
Second, the draft, like all Federal pro-
grams, will have to be run under strict
affirmative-action rules with preference
toward those who were discriminated
against in the past: women, the physically
and mentally handicapped and those
from 35 to 65. Otherwise, we would have

“Sexual liberation will
not create more homosexuals,
it will just let existing ones

try to lead more decent,
happy and productive lives.”

to say that affirmative action stops when
the shooting starts.

Such an Army could not stand up to
an Iranian mob (let alone the mighty
Red army); however, it will die in strict
accordance with EEOC guidelines, which
is the important thing.

James Manus McCaffery
New Orleans, Louisiana

I would like to provide the Defense
Department with the name of my ex-
wife-to-be. She is meaner and tougher
than any four Marines I met in any San
Diego bar when I wa: the Navy.

(Name withheld by request)
Las Cruces, New Mexico

Without the draft, the military is
coerced into accepting anybody who en-
lists and the Services have had to lower
their standards to satisfy their quotas.
That is especially true with the medical
profession. The military is attracting
more incompetent physicians than ever.
I can see why so many join the military:
"They would have to worry about mal-
practice suits in civilian life.

Leslie D. Hipenbecker

APO New York, New York

This letter is to all those ЕКА.
women out there. I'm a housewife and
mother of two children. I happen to
like staying at home, taking care of my
husband and children. "Thanks to you
adamant feminists—and I'm speaking
for other housewives who feel as 1 do—

I may end up being drafted. I don't like
it one damn bit. All your Equal Rights
shit, I hope you're satisfied. Maybe you
want to fight, but I don't. I hope you've
got what you wanted. And you can
shove it.

(Name withheld by request)
Peoria, Illinois

ON THE ROAD

On behalf of the Chicago Public
Library, I would like to thank the
Playboy Foundation for sponsoring the
library's first traveling exhibition: Free-
dom of the Press: The Anglo-American
Struggle, 1644-1837. The xhibition
opened at the Los Angeles Times Build-
ing in February and will appear in
Minneapolis, I and Seattle during
the spring. This has offered us a unique
opportunity not only to publicize onc of
our special collections but also to in-
сгсазс public awareness of significant
freedom trials. Like the American Civil
Liberties Union, the Playboy Foundation
contributes generously to individuals
and institutions defending their free-
doms guaranteed under the First Amend-
ment. The Foundation’s educational
programs are particularly significant. 1
was personally pleased to prepare this
exh ion, which discusses one of our
most important freedoms at a time when
it is being reinterpreted and openly
challenged by organized religion, law
and Government. Thank you, Playboy!

‘Thomas A. Orlando, Curator

ial Collections and Archives
аро Public Library
Chicago, Illinois

CRIMINAL PENALTIES

Why is it that despite all the intense
public concern for law and order, the
needs of crime victims are virtually ig-
nored? The public wants vengeance done
to the criminal but hardly cares whether
justice is done to his victim. The
criminal-justice system reflects this ugly
public attitude by also ignoring the
victim's needs. But is it not possible
that reversing this, and placing the
's interest first, might provide the key
to reversing the rise in our crime rates?

One of the most consistent findings of
psychological studies into the roots of

iminal behavior is that the proba
of a child's becoming a criminal delin-
quent increases to the extent that he is
subjected to an irrational system of
penalties for wrongdoing. Such chi
dren's consciences are weak, because even
if there is punishment, it is inconsistent
and there is nothing to believe in. They
don't develop wrong values—they devel-
op none at all.

This is precisely the situation with
regard to America's nonsystem of crim-
inal penalties. There is no correlation
between the severity of the crime and the.
severity of the criminal sentence. In fact,

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stealing $1000 often results in stiffer crim-
inal penalties than does a white-collar
crime that nets millions. And a drug user
who hurts no one but himself may end
up being treated more sternly than an
armed robber. Our irrational legal sys-
tem itself encourages psychopathy. "This
should be recognized as a catastrophic
unintended side effect of our criminal
so-called system of so-called justice.

In order to rectify this problem and
make the punishment fit the crime, it is
essential that criminal sentences be made
to reflect accurately the extent of victim.
ization a crime has caused. In other
words, before a sentence is imposed, the
victim's losses must be assessed by the
court—something that currently is not
done. Sentences now depend upon stat-
utory penalties and the whims of judges
and parole boards, and none of this re-
quires any calculation of the victims’
losses. This irrationality impedes deter-
rent effectiveness of penalties.

Problem: How can sentences соте to
reflect victims’ losses? Solution: Calculate
sentences in dollar terms, instead of in
terms of arbitrary time spent in prison.
For example, if the victim of a mugging
experiences total losses of $1000 (includ-
ing, for example, the value of days lost
from work), then the criminal's penalty
should be $1000; and what he cannot
pay in cash he should work off as a
labor debt in prison, with his wages
going to his victim until this debt is
fully discharged, at which time the pris-
oner should be freed. Under this pro-
posal, big-time white-collar criminals
would spend especially long terms in
prison, since they generally perpetrate
the biggest dollar offenses. Violent crimes
would also be heavily discouraged, be-
cause victims’ medical bills and earnings
losses would risk life imprisonment for
the violent criminals.

The burden of this system of victim
restitution would be borne not by the
taxpayer, but by the criminal who de-
serves it. The most efficient way to struc-
ture such a system would be for prisons
to be organized as profit-making business
corporations, with the stock being allocat-
ed to victims in proportion to their indi-
vidual losses from the crime.

Incidentally, if criminal penalties
came to depend solely on victims’ losses,
then all our victimless-crime laws would
be effectively abolished, since where
there's no victim, there's no victim's loss
to compensate. Vive rationality!

Eric Zuesse
New York, New York

GROUNDS FOR SUSPICION

I read with interest the letter from
James E. Preast, Jr. (The Playboy Forum,
January), in which he discusses the
Supreme Court's ruling in Delaware ws.
Prouse requiring police officers to have
“reasonable suspicion” before stopping

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motor vehicles. While his analysis is cor-
rect, your readers may be interested to
know that not all law-enforcement
agencies feel bound by that decision. In
recent months, officers of the Ohio High-
way Patrol have continued to make
random stops. advising the driver that
"it looked like there wasn't enough
jour right rear tire” or some
ridiculous "articu (ай
casonable suspicion." This
; such unfettered zeal can
only damage the reputation of an other-
wise excellent agency
Larry A. Carver, President
Boyd Co Bar Association
Ashland, Kentucky

Recently, 1 was stopped, with several
other cars, for а driver’s-license check
by Pennsylvania state police. The officer
told me he was aware of the Supreme
Court ruling but said that it di pre
vent him from stopping four or five cars,
letting a bunch go by and then repeating
the procedure. If this is true, a lot of
time and money were wasted getting that
Court decision.

Robert L. Pii

Grantville, Pennsylvania

Just like the bad guys, the police, too,

understand the principle of legal loop-

holes. But the Courts decision was pri-

marily intended to discourage officers

from singling out individuals for har-

assment, not from setting ир driver's-
license check points.

PURLOINED POT

somebody has invad-
ed my back yard and ripped it off. Now
if I want a little grass, not only will I
have to take my chances with dealers
and whatever contaminants may be pres-
ent but I'll also be sending U. S. money
out of the country and supporting the
smuggling industry. Pot smoking is not
going to go away. If this country would
use a few brain cells, it would permit in-
dividuals to grow a small amount of mari-
juana for their private use and put some
real criminals out of business. If it used
exceptionally good sense, it would legal-
ize, regulate and tax the sale of mari-
j and wipe out the national debt
carly).
tion virtually created modern
ized crime, and the present ef-
forts to prohibit pot smoking have only
worsened that problem and further de-
stroyed respect for the law. And this
r the many thousands of
otherwise law-abiding citizens whose
lives have been damaged or ruined by
imprisonment, or the corruption such
laws encourage among the authorities
charged with their enforcement.
As for people who steal another's

‘est you call toll free (800) 421 д q^

carefully cultivated crop, they should be
treated like horse thieves.
(Name withheld by request)
Sacramento, California

MARIJUANA MENACED?

Let me share with Playboy Forum
readers the wisdom of one of our anti-
marijuana crusaders as quoted in the
local press. Vince Stone, president of the
Marijuana Education Society, told a con-
vention that pot is responsible not only
for 15 to 20 percent of all automobile
accidents but also for a dramatic increase
in homosexuality. 1 don't know about the
car wrecks, but his explanation of the
other is that pot contains estrogen, which
is affecting male users. As he succinctly
put it: “The growing gay population is
largely due to Cannabis.”

Stone's beef is that the public is being
denied a “proper presentation of what
is known about Cannabis.” He feels that
the media take a promarijuana position
that will ultimately have dire results. He
predicted that “unless the data we have
is soon transmitted to the public, we will
probably witness the decline of Western
civilization as we have know! 2

"Thank God all of our politicians don't
think that way, but I am ashamed to
admit that Stone is with the party cur-
rently in power in this province.

David Freestone
Vancouver, British Columbia

While there is a growing concern about

pot and other drugs’ contributing to

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PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: JOHN ANDERSON

a candid conversation with the long-shot presidential candidate who has waged
a campaign based on new ideas—and whom many consider the best of the lot

When we decided to interview John
Anderson, he was just barely а Repub-
lican candidate for President of the
United States. By the time this is read,
he still may not have a realistic chance
at the nomination, but as we go lo
press, the Illinois Congressman has as-
tounded political observers with close-
lo-first-place finishes in the Vermont
and Massachusetts primaries. He origi-
nally interested us because we kept
hearing that Anderson was “the best” of
the candidates of both parties but, alas,
didn't “have a chance.” The reason,
according to James Reston in The New
York Times, was that “John Anderson
is not a pushy guy in a pushy time and
is burdened by some personal charac-
teristics that are now out of style in
American politics: moderation, intelli-
gence, experience and a kind of old-
fashioned courtesy and respect toward
his opponents.”

Reston went on to suggest that per-
haps Anderson was "overqualificd" for
the Presidency. The 58-year-old Ander-
son had, after all, served effectively in
the Congress for 20 years and for ten
years had been effective in working with

“I called Jerry Ford and tried to con-
vince him he ought to continue working
on his golf slice. I said, ‘You apparently
think Reagan is unclectable. I agree with

you on that, but ГИ carry the banner.

the Democrats in his capacity as head of
the House Republican Conference. Ger-
ald Ford, one of his colleagues in the
House, termed Anderson “one of the
most able people I know.”

Although a consistent fiscal conserv-
ative, Anderson is deemed to be too
liberal to secure the Republican nomi-
nation. At a time of apparent drift to
the conservative right, his liberalism
seems to be а self-inflicted wound. Un-
like some of his Republican rivals, he
would not apologize for his carly sup-
port of civil rights, of the right of wom-
en to have abortions, of the Equal
Rights Amendment, nor for his opposi-
tion to what he termed a “growing
hawkishness” on foreign affairs. Ander-
son, who had been one of the first
Republicans to oppose the Vietnam
war, now as a candidate opposed the
MX missile. As a Congressman, he had
favored the registration of handguns
and he astonished observers by contin-
uing to do so as a candidate in the
New Hampshire primary, where voters
apparently find guns a necessary imple-
ment to godliness. He had been the first
Republican Congressman to denounce

“I know Jimmy Carter has talked about
sacrifice, but he docs it in that soft-
voiced way of his, so that before the
words are out of his mouth, they've
blown away with the wind.”

then-President Nixon on his Watergate
cover-up. And, as indicated in this
“Playboy Interview,” he would be
damned if he would say that he pre-
ferred Ronald Reagan to Ted Kennedy
or Jimmy Carter as a President of the
country in which his five children would
have to survive.

In short, Anderson seemed ап un-
likely candidate because he shunned
virtually all of the flimflam techniques
of modern Presidential cam paigns—the
obfuscation of issues, the carefully pack-
aged personality and the incessant me-
dia hype. Reston compared him to
another loser in the Presidential sweep-
stakes: “Like the last Presidential can-
didate from Illinois, Adlai Stevenson,
he seems to be a good man in a bad
time when nobody is listening.” Other
political reporters were also lavish in
their praise of Anderson.

By now, many more people are listen-
ing to Anderson, but PLAYBOY's original
intent was to present his ideas in some
depth, rather than, as the press most
often docs, dwell exclusively on his
chances for winning.

Our early interest in doing that was

PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD KLEIN
“Somehow we accept the idea that if you
press enough flesh, by some strange al-
chemy it turns you into an adequate Pres-
ident. I don't. That's why we end up
with some of the Presidents we've had.”

PLAYBOY

whetted by an interview wiih Anderson
that journalist Robert Scheer did for the
Los Angeles Times—one of a series with
the Presidential candidates that includ-
cd a celcbrated encounter with a testy
George Bush in which the former dip-
lomat lost his cool in the face of
Scheer's probing and tenacious question-
ing. Readers of PLAYBOY will remember
that Scheer, now a national reporter for
the Los Angeles Times, conducted the
famous Jimmy Carter interview in 1976,
as well cs the one with California
governor Jerry Brown, and wrote the
definitive profile of Nelson Rockefeller
in October 1975.

PLAYBOY asked Scheer to expand his
Los Angeles Times piece and Anderson
agreed to do a further interview specif-
ically for PLAYBOY. After a dozen addi-
tional hours of taping, Scheer filed the
following report:

“At first glance, John Anderson was
not my kind of guy—stifj-necked, white-
maned, piercing eyes, he looked too
much like a member of the First Evan-
gelical Free Church of Rockford, Ili-
nois, which he is. I'd had enough of
that holicr-than-thou attitude interview-
ing Carter; his personal hotline to God
has not noticeably served him in the
Presidency. But that image of arrogance
was quickly shattered when I observed
Anderson's encounters with his staff
and family as we began the interview
in his office in the Capitol. There was
the jousting with Mark Bisnow, his
press secretary, an affable and bright
fellow who takes issues seriously and is
not adverse to challenging the boss.
And the boss takes it without pulling
rank. At which point Mrs. Anderson
sails through the office, saying, ‘Oh, get
off it, John, you're sounding like a
Congressman.’ And Anderson relaxes
and says, ‘Maybe this place has gotten
to me more than I'd like to admit."

“But it hasn't. Through literally
dozens of hours of my questions—before
breakfast, in a bumpy van, or late at
night, in а sleazy motel room—the Con-
gressman never once gol testy or cut
the discussion short. I have never inter-
viewed a politician so open to argument
and so unafraid of being done in by a
reporter.

“There are sticking points, however.
He can be a fuddy-duddy Republican
on economic issues. Nor do I assume
that he was totally free of political mo-
tive when he supported Carter on the
Olympics and the grain-embargo poli-
cies. He is not always as brilliant and
clear-thinking as The New York ‘Times
and The Washington Post have fre-
quently asserted, though perhaps they
were comparing him with other Con-
gressmen and Presidential candidates.

“Anderson has, in the past, taken
positions that he himself would now
judge dumb or, at least, unwise, as
when he championed Barry Goldwater

for the Presidency. But the truly re-
markable thing about him is his capac-
ity to grow and his willingness to move
against the popular current. In that
sense, he wears extremely well through
many hours of contact.

"Here is an alert public figure who
is willing to think publicly, to express
personal doubts, to change his mind in
the face of new evidence and yet who
will stick to а course, no matter how
unpopular, when he feels that logic
and the facts dictate its wisdom. Ander-
son conveys the sensibility of one who
is open to legitimate compromise but
would not sell out his convictions.

“Another unusual characteristic of
John Anderson's is that he was willing to
зау exactly what he believed while mak-
ing what he, and at least some voters,
thought was a serious try for the Presi-
dency. He raised issues that would
otherwise have been ignored and pro-
vided a wistful view of how it might
be if we could ever really answer that
question posed by Carter in his '76
campaign biography, ‘Why Not the Best?”

"Still, the question I wondered about

———
“It’s the old politics. I
believe it has turned off
the American voters. These
politicians all sound the
same; they’re all honking
the same message.”

as that solitary van made its way
through the New England countryside,
as often lost as not, in vain search of
voters who would be willing to listen
to something morc sober than the mind-
less election-year promises, was how he
and his family had taken months of
such quixotic campaigning, and what
he had learned in the process about us
and our system of government.

"At least one answer may have come
toward the end of this interview. As
was the case with the ‘Playboy Inter-
views’ with Jimmy Carter and Jerry
Brown, Executive Editor G. Barry Gol-
son joined me in the questioning dur-
ing a long session in the Anderson
suite їп а Concord hotel the evening
before the New Hampshire primary.
The Congressman's bright and inde-
pendent wife, Keke, also joined us,
and as hamburgers were munched, she
proved to be as provocative an inter-
viewer as ihe two characters from
PLAYBOY. If Anderson doesn’t make it,
perhaps Keke should run in 1984.”

PLAYBOY: Here you are, after 20 years in
Congress, the third-ranking Republican,

making an improbable shot at the Presi-
dential nomination. You've bucked a
conservative tide to run on the basis of
austere, progressive ideas. Why? People
don't want to listen to that kind of
stuff, do they?

ANDERSON: Problems in this country have
become very complex and people have
become weary of anyone who tries in
analytical terms to point out all the
factors and draw some conclusions. They
like slogans. They like simple answers.
Our culture tells us that any message
worth delivering has to be encompassed
within a 30second commercial, and any
news segment, no matter how significant,
should run no more than a couple of
minutes. I can't say what I want to say
in 30 seconds.

PLAYBOY: You obviously think the pres-
ent front runners for the nomination,
Ronald Reagan and George Bush, have
played this game.

ANDERSON: Yes, and it's the old politics.
1 believe it has turned off the American
voters. Any poll you read shows lower
voter turnouts in past elections and de-
interest on the part of the
public in even participating їп the
political process. It's because these pol-
iticians all sound the same; they're all
honking the same message. 1 remember
seeing a report to the effect that only 25
percent of the American people have a
high degree of confidence in the Pres-
idency and its ability to make a differ-
ence in their lives.

Normally, in a democracy, an election
serves as a kind of safety valve, reliev-
ing the pressure as people get a chance
to throw the rascals out. Nowaday
cynicism is so widespread that if a pci
son even bothers to vote, he feels all he's
doing is trading one set of rascals for
another set of rascals. And this, I think,
stems from politicians speaking in
vague, ambivalent, catchy terms without.
really leveling with people as to what
sacrifices may be expected of them.
PLAYBOY: Then level with us. Since you
have a reputation for honesty and po-
litical courage, talk to us more as a
commentator than as a candidate, and
maybe we'll get some perspective on
this campaign. Most people thought you
never had much of a chance. What did
you set out to do?

ANDERSON: 1 guess Id like to have
achieved a quickening of the national
dialog, which has become pretty sterile.
No one has really wanted to break out
of this mold we find ourselves in. We're
still the great American experiment, and
the genius of this country has been its
willingness to accept new ideas. There
aren't many around, and one that I've
been harping on is the improbable idea
that voting for a tax increase under cer-
tain conditions could be good for all of
us. If I can convince some people that
our linked problems of energy, inflation
and foreign crisis can be alleviated by

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PLAYBOY

using the incentives—and disincentives—
in our tax code, then I'll have achieved
something.

PLAYBOY: By that you mean your now-
famous call for a tax of 50 cents a gallon
on gasoline accompanied by a 50 per-
cent cut in Social Security taxes.
ANDERSON: Yes, to mandate energy con-
servation at home, cut inflation. and
reduce dependence on foreign oil. But
I also hope I can help change the image
of the Republican Party from one of
standpatters, who utter the same old
shibboleths over and over about the in-
herent virtue in self-reliance and free
enterprise. That just won't explain why
so many people in our society don't get
to share in its benefits. I guess I want to
shake up the Grand Old Party so that
it will at least consider someone with
more than the usual banalities that have
cluttered our political discourse for eons.
PLAYBOY: Has it been difficult to get your
message across?

ANDERSON: At a recent major foreign-
policy speech I gave, there was a total
absence of any coverage by television
I'm not satisfied with the coverage. Why
should I pretend to be satisfied with
the coverage when I'm not? To my
knowledge, the network-news presidents
and assignment editors sit in an office
along one of those concrete canyons in
New York City, and there the decisions
are made, I suppose.

PLAYBOY: But you're not unacceptable
to those guys

ANDERSON: Not unacceptable, merely in-
consequential.
PLAYBOY. Did you ever really [eel that
someone like you, who appeals to liberal
Democrats, could capture the Republi-
can Party's nomination in conservative
1980?

ANDERSON: I think there still are a heck
of a lot of people out there who are
tired of the same old approach, who
would like someone to level with them
and drop the old pizzazz and form a
new coalition that
PLAYBOY: Come on. That sounds just like
Jimmy Carter in 1976, telling us he'd
never tell a lie, that hed always level
with us.
ANDERSOI

It’s funny, it does sound а
le like Carter, now that I think about
it. But he said that in a very general
way and never really said anything very
controversial during the campaign.
PLAYBOY: Oh?
ANDERSON: Well, he made a controversial
remark about ethnic purity that got h
into a pack of trouble. And I guess I
recall a certain interview in which he
unburdened himself on some personal
thoughts that, you know, stirred up
some interest here and there. . . .

But I don't want to be too critical on
that score of Jimmy Carter. I'm sure he
believes he has not yet lied to the Amer-

ican people. Still, truth can be both
positive and negative, and he hasn't told
them what they have to do. For in-
stance, he won't advocate а 50-centa-
gallon gasoline tax, even though its
been said that every one of his economic
advisors, including Charles Schultze and
Alfred Kahn, have urged this as a way
of driving down consumption at home.
But Carter won't do it, because it's a
pretty scary thing politically. That, in
a way, is evading the truth.

PLAYBOY: To go back to your idea of a
new kind of coalition, а new politics,
how could you seriously believe Repub-
licans would respond to it, given the
present make-up of the two parties?
ANDERSON: The new politics embraces a
new coalition of people in this country
who believe the times аге serious
enough that even if we don't agree on
everything, we ought to elect someone to
speak out on those important issucs on
which we do agree, and present a can-
didacy that transcends merely n
partisanship. Гуе had fund г
thrown for me by liberal Democ
such as Stanley Sheinbaum and I don't
shy away from accepting their support,
because this is the kind of coalition I'd
like to build—Democrats, Republicans
and independents who think the
Eighties offer new and different chal-
lenges transcending party loyalties. Other
Republican candidates, of course, said

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the reason they should be nominated is
that they have broad support. But I
don't know of another one who tried to
demonstrate that support during the
nominating process itself. They shun
liberal endorsements, yet they argue that
they deserve the nomination because
only they can reach beyond the one in
five voters who is a registered Republi-
can to form this majority once they've
been nominated. Well, why not try to
prove that now, early on?

PLAYBOY: It was after the televised de
bate in Iowa, when you stood out from
the other candidates with your forth-
right answers, that you instantly became
a hero to many liberal Democrats.
Wasn't there something deceptive about
that impression? Looking at your voting
record, you actually have been consist
ently conservative. In fact, їп 1964,
weren't you in Barry Goldwater's cam-
paign "truth squ:
ANDERSON: I don't believe I was actually
in Barry's truth squad, but, of course, I
did support Mr. Goldwater. I voted for
him, but, after all, I had been in Con.
gress only two terms at that time.
PLAYBOY: Where did you disagree with
him and other Republican conservatives?
ANDERSON: I think my economic views
have tended to be quite orthodox, quite
consistent with main-line Republican
economic philosophy; but on civil rights
issues, оп women's issucs, on interna-
tional issues and on some defense issues,
I have tended to differ with my Repub-
lican colleagues. So I've been a little
iconoclastic from a Republican point
of view on a rather widely disparate
range of issues. But on basic economic
philosophy, I think you're correct. Es-
sentially, I'm quite orthodox.

PLAYBOY: That economic philosophy has,
in fact, at this point, turned out also to
be good politics. Everyone—Democrat
and Republican alike—wants to cut
Government, everyone wants to-
ANDERSON: My conversion, however, was
not subject to
PLAYBOY: We're not challenging your
conversion. What we're questioning is
the wisdom of that stance. That kind of
politics is easy to espouse during a time
of inflation, growth, and so forth. What
about when were going into a reces-
sion—as you have predicted? Would we
have the specter of a Herbert Hoover?
ANDERSON: In John Anderson? No, no,
ery certain that my compas-
sionate instincts would overrule any
rigid doctrinaire approach to Federal
finances that would say that we should
balance the budget on the backs of the
poor. Much as I believe we have to
make some reductions in the over-all
level of Federal spending, we're going to
have to find areas to do that that will
not result in cutting off fairly minimal
benefits to the very poorest of the poor
and to those who are disadvantaged and

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underprivileged. Now, that obviously is
а tough thing to do; I'm not suggesting
that that's an easy program to carry out.
PLAYBOY: You also had a 70 percent
voting record in lining up with Richard
on when he was President. Despite
your talk of new politics, don't you
have to defend your past program—the
Republican program—for the last 20
ycars that you were in Congress?
ANDERSON: І think I would have to de-
fend my philosophy generally and, if
my philosophy has changed and evolved
over a period, 1 would have to try to
explain why. As to Nixon, however, 1
did not vote for his re-election in 1972.
PLAYBOY: Whom did you vote for?
ANDERSON: Nobody. I left the top of the
ballot bl; I was the first Republican
Congressman to call for Nixon's resigna
tion—and 1 was condemned by my col-
leagues in the House. Immediately after
the tapes were released, I said that I
didn't have to hear anything more to
convince me that Nixon was morally
unfit to continue in that office.

PLAYBOY: How did the process of your
conversion come about?

funny, because I don't
know if anyone will believe it, but as
far back as 1964, I remember being in
the balcony of the Cow Palace—I wasn't
even a delegate to the Republican Con-
vention; I wasn't important enough as
а two-term Congressman—and 1 will

never forget the wave of despair that
washed over me when the balloons went
up and Goldwater read his acceptance
speech. He is such an honest, sin-
cere man, but I felt in my heart at the
time that we were launched on a cam-
paign that could not succeed, that his
views were not those of the majority of
the American people.

PLAYBOY: But did you [ecl his views
were wrong?

ANDERSON: Well, they were sincerely
wrong. in his case. as to what the proper
role of the Federal Government has to
be—especially considering the failures of
state and local governments through the
years to adequately deal with people's
problems. So, yes, he was wrong, I felt
he was wrong, but I nevertheless cam-
paigned for the Repul nominee
in 1964. Perhaps now I'm trying to
atone for my past. Having experienced
the tides of history in the past 20 years,
Ive become unalterably convinced that

we can't turn back the clock, no matter
how much nostalgia we may feel for a
quieter and more settled age. I'm afraid
g of the Republican

the conservative w
Party still doesn’t realize it. Even though
there is supposed to be a new conserva-
tive mood in this country, I can't simply
take advantage of what I think is a
basically myopic approach.
PLAYBOY: What we're n
this discussion is to locate yo

ng to do in
You

once defined yourself as а "tough cen-
trist" and a modcrate.

ANDERSON: Sounds good.

PLAYBOY: Isn't that what Nixon and
ld Ford represented?

ANDERSON: Those terms are admittedly
somewhat imprecise. I feel a certain
sense of frustration about this whole
business of trying to label political
philosophie:
PLAYBOY: Well, if you think of the left
in terms of New Deal and New Fron-
tier social legislation involving Govern-
ment spending, Ted Kennedy has a
consistent record on that and Ronald
Reagan has a consistent record of op-
position to it. Using that as a yardstick,
would you feel more comfortable—
forgetting about — personalities—with
Kennedy as President than with Reagan?
ANDERSON: | have to be ver eful
now. You're speaking to a man who
has pledged to support the nomince
of the Republican Convention and [long
pause] I would be more comfortable
with a Teddy Kennedy in the sense
that I do believe that the Ronald
Reagan view of the problems of our
day is so utterly inappropriate. Kennedy
and I differ, you know, on Kennedy-
Waxman [health-care bill]—I have not
endorsed the idea that we now put a
national-health-insurance program for
everybody on the books—but I guess I
would feel more comfortable with a

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PLAYBOY

President who saw a role for Govern-
ment in tying to solve some of our
problems. Thats what disturbs me
about Reagan; I just think he believes
that Government is irrelevant. and al-
most unnecessary. He exemplifies the
stereotype that we Republicans have
been trying to rid ourselves of, that we
are a party of the rich and мео
and we have this "I'm all right, Jack”
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would only work hard enough, they, too.
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people who fall between the cracks, and
that's what Government is all about, I
think, to have some role in trying to
greater measure of economic

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Torre 1-800-228-3700

In Nebraska CALL -571-!
BARBIZON SCHOOLS Dept. РВС | 172025718000)
3 East 54th Street, New York, N.Y. 10022

ent

promote
and social justice.

PLAYBOY: Isn't it suicidal, as a Repub-
lican, to say you prefer Kennedy to

Reagan as a President?
Send me, without obligation, your modeling brochure and address cf school ne uM

Ц ت ا‎ шаш ше; ANDERSON: 1 am so profoundly disturbed
— — Age by Mr. Reagan's positions on a number
Í issues . . . von take his rejection of
Phone ( ) — y à :
(eren code] the Panama Canal treaties, you take his
—Siate. Zip rejection of SALT П, you take some of

Й y
mm um um um um the things that he has said more ге

cently. P think, in the course of his

FOR MEN |н. that seem to me to indicate

that military lorce—rather than an cf
fort to try to negotiate our differences

GREAT GOLF with our enemies in the world—is to be

preferred. 1 happen to believe that we

GREAT SKIING || lise in a very dangerous world, and 1

GREAT MEALS |" with those who think
that we c

n fight a nuclear war and that
GREAT FUN tinue to inhabit the planet. And tha

type of thinking, | think, disqualifies

n from be sident. [Rea

any m g P
GREAT gan's] views on social policy . . - amy
man who is against the ERA. who

continues to protest that to put a simple

equality should not be denied any per

son because of sex—that person really is

REMOVES VOCAL FROM MOST STEREO DISCS a А A
aie It's the new name among the not living in the world of the Eighties
great resorts of the world, and it I'm convinced Mr. Reagan would never
The Thompson Vocal Eliminator can has something for everyone. be elected—I don't think his views are
actually remove mont or virtually ай of a lend 700 spacious rooms and held by a majority of the American
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‘equalizer! We can prove it works over the phone. 27 holes of challenging golf. would be committing suicide, its the
The TVE must be used with a true component. Avatar filled showroom. Republican Party that's going to be
system having a magnetic phono cartridge and а A NEY discotheque: Indien and committing suicide by nominating can
Tape soar. saich- Назлы depend on bE outdoor pools and tennis courts, didates of that genre, Now, as far as

the record was mixed in the studio and popular

and rock recordings usually work better than For information or Kennedy is concerned, 1 still have pro-

gospel. Not recommended for classical or > М ee
{Ан тазаа ы RUE pisa reservations, call your travel found disagreements with him
musicals. agent or our toll-free number, [After these remarks were published

800-621-1116. in the. Los Angeles Times on. February
22, causing a reported defection of some

Send $1 for a 20 page brochure and a 20
minute demonstration record.

е Resort and аай à
Write to: LT Sound, Dept 18, PËAYBOYé (Ios leading California Republicans who had

been leaning toward Anderson, he was
asked again about his preference for
Kennedy over Reagan.)

PLAYBOY: Do you want to amend anything

P.O. Box 729, Decatur, GA 30031
Phone: (404) 284-5155 COST: $249.00 GREAT ЕЕ.
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in what you've said about Reagan and
Kennedy?

ANDERSON: My earlier criticism of Rea
gan was based mainly on domestic con
But as far as foreign policy
goes, I really do believe Reaga
view is very primitive. He sces the world
пру in the context of military power
I don't think he would ever be satisfied
You know
it's this obsession, this absolute obses
sion he has that we have to build morc
intercontinental-missile systems, that we
have to be in а commanding.
number-one position. He doesn't under
stand that. that just raises the ante, that
nobody, in the end, gains in that kind.
of competition, Therc can be no win
ners. That is such a profoundly dis
abling attitude for the man who's going
to have to direct the foreign policy ol
this country and wear the hat of Com.
mander in Chief that I just have to stick
to my original conclusion

PLAYBOY: And
comfortable with
foreign policy as well?

ANDERSON: What Kennedy has said about
foreign policy makes more sense, as
as I'm concerned, than any of the things
the Republicans have said. My speeches
weren't as reported, but, like
Kennedy, 1 decry the new and very
hawkish mood generated in this coun
uy. 1 said that the ultimate
асе and war was too important to be
led off in an election year by a can.
didate in the White House who has onc
суе on the politic

siderations.
n's world

with strategic. equivalence.

clear

you'd have been more

Kennedy's stance. in

widely

issue ol

calendar and is more
concerned about renc ation and re
election than anything else. So 1 think
maybe I've been even blunter than Ken-
nedy was on that score

PLAYBOY: Since, at the moment, Ken
nedy's campaign seems to be faltering.
do you
Chappaquiddick?

ANDERSON: I personally am surleited with
stories about Chappaquiddick, We've
had enough explanations of the tides,
how fast they were flowing and in wl
direction, To the extent that I think it
just obscured a debate оп issues much
more fundamental important, 1
think he got a bum rap
PLAYBOY: Going back to
speaking only ideologically
be easier for you to accept than R
ANDERSON: I believe that I'm a true cen
trist. lm not à revolutionary: l'm not a
radical; I'm not a leftist: 1 don't believe
there is such a thing as a left in the
Republican Party, and I certainly don't
consider myself one. I think Um in the
broad. political center. L think Carter is
closer to that center than Mr. Reagan is.
PLAYBOY: And closer than Kennedy isz
ANDERSON: Yes.

PLAYBOY: Let's follow up on this topic by
king you how you re
other Republican candidates.
ANDERSON: You're not about to ask me

think he got а bum rap on

and

Carter, and
would hc

d some of the

to violate the ТИһ Commandment [not
10 speak ill of other G.O.P. candidates]
and to denigrate the sterling qualities of
all these.
PLAYBOY: No, we're ask
student of history, to render some
judgments about the content of th
campaigns. What about George Bush's,
lor opener
ANDERSON: It’s very difficult to assess Mr.
Bush, because he has said over and over
gain that all that matters is organiza-
tion, And I think he has been, for the
his

ng you, as a

most part, rather unspecific on wha
positions are. He's for windfall-profits
taxes, but he wants to plow them back.
That's trying to have your cake and eat
it, too—to appear to be for a windfall-
profits tax, and yet youre giving it all
back. 1 heard him say recently that he
will present a balanced budget within
100 days after taking the oath of office.
І don't know how anyone can say that,
I don't know what in January of 1981
the state of the economy will be. But,
generally speaking. his campaign seems
to be predicated on the theory that is
sues are just rather irrelevant and that
how you win is to use the old-hoy net-
work and the old-school tic and the
party organization and capture support
in that way

of offices held over a period of time,
and that those two things are the im-
portant ones,

PLAYBOY: What about his reported ar-
rogance?

ANDERSON: Yes, he is a smug man... .
He's made a great point of having
worked so hard for the party that he's
almost suggested that the nomination is
his just deserts. I take а somewhat
broader view of the nomination, believ-
ing that it belongs to all the people, not
just to past delegates to the Republican
Convention. I look at his background
and it's onc of wealth, of privilege, of a
fortune made in the oil business. He has
enjoyed the patronage of Presidents
Nixon and Ford and he said quite in-
genuously a couple of years
since he was “constructively
ployed,” he could go out and run for
President while other people were oc
сирей with other things. I don't. be-
lieve issues are his concern at all.
PLAYBOY: What do you think of his posi
tions on those issues on which he has
taken stands?

ANDERSON: For mc, a litmus test was the
Panama Canal Treaty. Anybody who
seriously believed the treaty was terri-
ble, a treaty negotiated for 13 years un-
der four Presidents to update a situation
that cried out for rectification—well,
that’s such a reactionary position it
places him in the Reagan conservative
mold. He was one of our first diplomats
in China, and yet he railed against
breaking relations with Taiwan as a way
of normalizing relations with China.
That stamps him as а man with eyes

plus listing à long résumé

go that,

unem

clearly riveted on the past, with no
vision of the future. That's got to carry
over into other areas, other issues.
PLAYBOY: You mentioned the G.O.P. 11th
Commandment against
other Republicans
ANDERSON: It's not the 11th. Command-
ment; it’s the thought that people are
going to say John Anderson is simply
an embittered man because he was re-
jected by his party. I don't care a fig
what Ronald Reagan or George Bush or
any of the others can do for me in 1980
and thereafter
Vice-President or serve in the Adminis
tration of people with whom I'm not
totally comfortable, and I don't think
my views would be compatible with the
views of either one of those men. Poli
tics is not such an all-encompassing, all
absorbing thing with me that I have to
hang on for a political appointment or
any sort of. politi
paign is a watershed event in my po
litical life. I'm speaking out on things
I feel are terribly important, and that's
the reason I'm running. So [ don't want
my criticisms interpreted as sour grapes.
PLAYBOY: All right, your disclaimer will
be noted. Howard Baker may have
dropped out, but what did you think
of him as the other so-called moderate
among Republican candidates?
ANDERSON: ] like Howard personally. 1
think he’s a fine person. But I just ques-
tion whether or not he has the ability
to really come down as sharply and
toughly on some issues I think the
next President will be obliged to do.
By nature, he’s a great conciliator; it’s a
talent he's boasted about, bringing
people together. But before we all get
together, 1 think there's going to have to
be a brief period of head knockin
I think he shies away from confronta
tion. So I think his philosophy of the
Presidency, if this isn’t too broad ап
observation, would not be congenial to
some of the tough issues we have to
hammer out as a nation

PLAYBOY: If it had come down to a Carter
Baker race in the general election.
would you have seen Baker as a signifi
cantly better alternative than Carter?
ANDERSON: | Pause]

PLAYBOY: OK, we'll drop the word signifi-
cantly.

ANDERSON: Well, you know, I can't clim
inate everybody. You've already had
me eliminate Reagan. .. .

PLAYBOY: And Bush. Have you definitely
eliminated Bush?

ANDERSON: Well, he's so busy backtrac
ing. poor fellow, on the winnability of
nuclear wars, and so forth... . I£ 1 сап
get him to backtrack some more, this
campaign may prove to be a great educa-
tional experience for George. He might
end up a moderate despite himself if he
makes enough retractions. That's why I
think one should always be charitable

denigrating

І don't intend to run for

future. This cam.

and

RONRICO

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PLAYBOY

GIVES YOU HARD-WORKING SHINES

and reserve hope.
PLAYBOY: We were talkin:
though

ANDERSON: I was in one of my squidlike
maneuvers there, wying to throw up
enough black cloudy viscous material
that you'd forget what you asked mc
PLAYBOY: When you criticize other can-

about Baker,

didates for relying on vague, catchy
sentiments during а campaign, the ques-
tion aries: Whats wrong with that?

The voters seem to like il. As you said,
Carter won in 1976 by avoiding contro-
versial issues and appealing to goodness.

ANDERSON: | think the next President,
frankly, is going to have to wear soi
thing of a hair shirt. He may have to be

a little reminiscent of the prophet Jer
miah, in the sense that he issues а few
lamentations about what can happen to
the country and to the world if we don’t
exhibit a willingness to. endure some
measure ol sacrifice. Now, 1 know Jim-
my Carter has talked about sacrifice, but
he does it in that soft-voiced way of his.
so that before the words are out of his
mouth, they've blown away with the
wind. And nothing specific ever. comes
up. Thats why I made up my mind that
when L got into this campaign. if I
didn't contribute anything cle in the
process, 1 wanted to try to delineate very
sharp. distinctive positions on energy
like the 50-50 plan—the 50-cent tax and

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50 percent reduction in Social Security
taxes. I would go out and talk in favor
of the grain embargo in Towa in front of
ап lowa farm audience to show them
that I want to be different, in the sense
that Fm willing to tell you things that
you may not want to hear today but
believe me, tomorrow you will see the
sdom of what | am
President has to have some vision of the
morrow in the kind of advice he under-
takes to give to the American people.

PLAYBOY: Despite your support lor Carter
оп the grain embargo, do you think he
has used the Afghanistan crisis political-
ly, by exaggerating the Soviet threat?

ANDERSON: Carter has used the world
situation politically, there's no question
about it. His refusal to debate, the way
he tied to create an image of be
above politics while the White House
switchboard was putting through his 20
phone calls night after. night—well. he
spent a Iot of time on politics: he wasn't

trying to do. A

kidding me or a lot of other people.
But I nevertheless don't agree with
those who feel Afghanistan is bein

blown up as an issue out of proportion
to its importance. As I look at a map. I
am concerned. А few ycars down the
road. the Soviets may become importers.
rather than exporters, of oil, and I think
the Persian Gull could tempt them. But
perhaps we shouldn't have been as sur-
prised by the Soviet move into. АЁ
ghanistan. If our former Ambassador to
Moscow, Malcolm Toon. is right, our
people were sending frequent telegrams
to Washington warning the Administr
tion that the Soviets would do whatever
necessary to their position in
Afghanistan

PLAYBOY: That seems a pretty hypotheti-
cal quibble for someone who has spoken
out against overreaction to the 5
Just what is your criticism of
motivations with regard to Afghanist:
ANDERSON: I see a real danger, particular
ly in the context of an election ye
when the almost irresistible temptation
occurs to those in power to create a sit
tion that enhances their of leader
ship. even though it may not be the
htest and best policy from the stand-
point of the country's long-term interest
PLAYBOY: Lets cut out the flowery lan-
guage. What you're saying is that the
President of ihe United States is risking
our lives and our children's lives in a
crass political game.

ANDERSON: Well, 1 have to say that be
cause the President called for register
з young people—and I think thar will
lead inevitably to the draft—to fight on
the shores of the Persian Gull for a “vital
interest." The only reason its a vi
interest, in my opinion, is because of the
In political terms, what he's not tell
ing the American. people is, "Let's con
serve, let's reduce our consumption so
that we don't d the Persian Gull as
a vital interest.” I believe Carter is not

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willing to do the politically dangerous,
difficult thing, which to on the
American people for domestic, manda-
tory sacrifices. Instead, he talks in mili-
taristic terms about military action. Yes,
I [eel very strongly about it.

PLAYBOY: Let's back up a bit. With all
the war hysteria of the past [ew months,
and the actions against the Sovicts—
some of which you've supported—how
is it that we came to this pass? We've
had détente, no matter how imperfect,
and now, suddenly, we're back in the
Filties, talking about the international
Communist conspiracy's timetable for
conquest of the world. Isn't that car-
rying election-year madness too far?
ANDERSON: The mood of the country has
become rather ugly. In a sense, 1 think
it occurred because of the confluence of
two events—the hostages in Iran and
the invasion of Afghanistan. Perhaps if
we hadn't been humiliated and embar-
rassed by the Iranian militants:
PLAYBOY: Which had nothing to do with
the Soviets. Doesn't it sometimes
seem as if Americans have the ide
was the Russians who took our hos
ANDERSON: Yes, I think there's a
h that has occurred, and tl
xist in the public mind. I
don't know that the Administration has
consciously sought to manipulate things
so as to produce that confusion—I don't
vant to seem politically motivated my-
self—but I think it ought to separate
those two strands and clarify the pic
ture. In any case, yes, I think there are
some political implic
don't believe Fm being un

nse in
t con-

ions in all this. I

heard a lot of people around the country
saying, “I'm tired of secing this country
pushed around." And Carter, sens
as ever to the political winds that blow
across the landscape of the country,
thought almost in panic, I've got to re-
act. After Iran's dragging out, I've got
to act tough on Algh an. I I don't,
my cause is lost.

PLAYBOY: And yet you supported the
grain embargo, the technology embargo,
the Olympies boycott. Was that political
necessity?

ANDERSON: No; as I said carlier, I don't
think the Soviet invasion of Afghan-
istam was insignificant. Some s
needed to be sent. But Pr

which contributed to the war hyste
It was not "the greatest threat since
World War Two.” I just don't sec this
old idea of the Red peril, itching to tak
over the world. I think you can explain
a lot of the Soviets’ moves as stemming
from a basic sense of
[Soviet affairs expert] George Kennan
said, rather than some bold belief in
their manifest duty to take over the
world. They don't run their own society
very well; I don't know how- they'd run

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PLAYBOY

104

the rest of the world.

PLAYBOY: You could argue that our re-
actions make them even more insecure,
or cven
ANDERSON: I agree, and that's why we
have to pursue
policy—somewhere between appcarin
so spongy soft that you invite them to
hit you again and being so totally hard-
nosed that they turn off forever on the
idea of re; п accommodation with
us. I can understand why Carter with-
drew the SALT H Treaty from Senate
consideration; but if the treaty wa
our interest before Afghanistan, it is
E ly as much in our interest today.
PLAYBOY: What would you have done

bout Afghanistan if you had been
President?
ANDERSON: It м part the unilateral-

ism of Carter's approach that was wrons
I would have considered the invasion
grave enough to have called а meeting
of the heads of state of Japan, West
Germany. F Britain and
Italy to discuss what our response should.
be. 1 would not simply have plunged
ahead, then looked around to see who
was marching with us. That made us
the sole protector of the Persian Gulf,
which is practical impossibility.

PLAYBOY: And what would you have pro-
posed to the heads of state?

ANDERSON: That we institute counte
measures of economic nature to Cot
vince the Soviets that their actions were
wrong, that they should withdraw, that
there was more advantage in continuing
on the path of détente. My
generally would have been more low-
keyed and less convulsive than Cartes
PLAYBOY: A lot of that convulsion has to
do with а widespread apprehei
ng ground to the Soviets. But
s in the Forties that we supposedly

China and Eastern Europe, which
was then over half a billion. people.
nce then, with all their vaunted nu-

weapons and mi
they've lost Ch Yugoslavia,
Albania, Egypt. They gain little Afghan-
istan, and suddenly there's our Secret;
of Defense in China, talking about
m y action nst Russi
good is all that superpower military
strength to th
ANDERSON: It’s not, 1
country shouldn't be retreating i
frozen, immobilized kind of panic
the Soviets. There are some debits on
the Soviet side of the ledger—you've
just pointed them ош. Frankly, wl
worries me more right now about the
Soviet Ur that it seems to be
locked in the visclike grip of a geriatri
leadership—old_ men like Suslov, the

wy build-up.

chief theoretician, and old Brezhnev
himseli—who might be like the old
French Bourbon kings who never

lcarned anything and never forgot any
thing: that they are so inflexible in their
approach to this possible problem of oil

Middle

in the
blunde

ast that they could
id push us to the
br ng point. I don't believe that this
is all a part of а very deliberate well-
conceived рап. Fm more concerned
at they've got the kind of leadershi
that, frankly, could stupidly
world right over the precipice. Those are
the thoughts that conc
rationality about Soviet conduct.
PLAYBOY: What about our irrationalities?
We put hall a million troops into Viet-
nam.

ANDERSON: We were not in Vietnam to
expand our toe hold in South
as the Vietnamese have been doing with
their conquest of both Laos and Cam
bodia, and perhaps someday Thailand.
We had this nutty idea we were delend-
ing democracy, winning the hearts of
people who really had to be saved trom

communism. But, as Гуе said, the worst
1 ever

cast was for the Gulf of
ion, which gave us a war
thar never should have been fought

PLAYBOY: Don't you think there was

something profoundly irrational about

“The worst vote I ever
cast was for the Gulf
of Tonkin Resolution,
which gave usa war
that never should
have been fought.”

‘cs of the Soviet Union are today
Thats always the argument,

but Fm just
triot. Tm giving.
my side c wing pure motives
when maybe, in our heart, we were lust-
ng for more than just helping the South
Vietnam: establish a republic. So, no,
we're not always the good guys: we've
made mistakes in the. Dominican. Re-
public and in Chile under Allende. But

а good old-lash,

I still have to defend my country, and 1
believe that for all o ors and fool-
ishiness, w ot total blackguards.

PLAYBOY: What about the argument that
s on Afghanistan and the
If is just а scapegoat for our
nestic problems with energy and

own do
the econs
ANDERSO!

I've made that argument my-
self, endlessly. We keep hearing that
Afghanistan was another step in this
relentless progress by the Soviets toward
the Persian Gulf, and that we have a
vital interest there because cutting off

ой would paralyze our economy. Con-
sider that in the Fifties and Sixties, we
had quotas on imported oil to protect
our own oil producers in Texas and
Louisiana from cheap foreign oil. It
would have seemed incredible to us back.
then to label the Persian Gulf an arca

of vital interest. So we must make it less
of a interest by cutting consump-
tion. We can't run our country as il we

те involved in some
frontation, with our
hard-liners shouting that we have to
"draw a line somewhere." That reminds
me of a couple of schoolboys drawing a
line in the dust and threate g devas-
tation if one guy steps over it. To r
duce tensions with the Soviet Union, we
should reduce our interest to the
point where we can approach the prob-
lem with more flexibility and act in con-
cert with our allies—who may not be
able to reduce their vital terest as
much—and persuade the Soviets col
lectively that they may not attempt a
takeover.

PLAYBOY: The kind of scapegoating we
had in mind is the idea advanced by the
i ion that our economic
problems and inflation are Чис com-
pletely to the oil situation. But Japan
and West Germany, dependent as they
аге on oil, have strong economics, and.
t, the price of oil hasn't even risen
relative to the German. mark. or the
price of gold.

ANDERSON. ee totally. Ш you take our
present inflation rate and s
oil-price increases, you still have a h
core intl е. And to use OPE!
a whipping boy, as the famous memor
dum by [Carter advisor] Stu Eizenstat
suggested the President do for politica
reasons, is à calculated tactic to excuse
the Carter Adminisuration's abject f:
ures of economic policy—imong them,
its failure to get the American economy
to produce more effectively.

and the Soviets wi
kind of macho со

PLAYBOY: How would you tackle the
problem?

ANDERSON: Lower productivity is linked
to the lowest savings rate this country

has seen in 30 years. You can't consume
and invest at the same time. We've be-
come a consumer society and we save far
less than, say, the Germans or the Jap.
anese, Savings means investment in ]
ductive facilities, which are becom
obsolete here at an alarming rate.
PLAYBOY: But by focusing on whether or
not we save, aren't we ignoring larger
problems in the economy—such as how
uncompetitive some big U.S.

us become?
ANDERSON: Oh, I agree. Thats why I
voted st the Chrysler bail-out. 1 had
a Chrysler plant in my district, and you
can believe I heard plenty about it. But

corpora-

ertainly do, it car-
ds. The penalty

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ha ive end
think that's true in other arcas а
I believe in encouraging small busi-
ness of a competitive nature. I support
ion t would limit the ability

small businesses create more jobs than
big businesses. When I go into a super-
market, | see these cereal boxes, about
one and they're
priced identically—each of them $1.13
a package or whatever—and I really
wonder to what degree genuine compe-
tition exists. If 1 were President, the
antitrust division would be very, very
active.

PLAYBOY: What about the demands of
people like Connally that foreign т
facturers—the Sonys and the Volkswag-
ens—should face the same tariffs here
that our manufacturers face there?
ANDERSON: | belicve in a liberal trade
policy. 1 think its foolish to resist the
wend toward the development of a
ket in many of these products.
obably provide America with
additional competition 1 was talk-
ing about.

PLAYBOY: Let's turn back to the cam-
paign and to your aspirations for the
future. If you had a re: shot at the
Presidency kinds of people would
be part of your Adminisuationz

third filled with ai

world п

ANDERSON: I Пу don't have a list of
people prepared. I can tell you this,
though: I think there would be some
eclecticism in my approach to filling
those jobs. I would not appoint the kinds
of very traditional, establishment, elitist
figures you've seen from the Carter
Administration.

PLAYBOY: Why should we believe you?
our years ago, Hamilton Jordan told us
same thing, and that he'd quit if
people such as Cyrus Vance and Zbig-
niew Brzezinski became part of the Ad-
ministration. They were drawn from
‘The Trilateral Commission, the most
elitist crowd there is. And you're a mem-
ber of that commission, as Carter and
Bush were.
ANDERSON: Yes,

ter drew heavily from
i for

his own Administration. His Secreta
Defense, his Se of State, hi
l Security Advisor, his Vice
dent. and others. And I frankly thi
made a mistake in doing that.

PLAYBOY: Yet you've laughed off any no-
tion tha more than just another
club. Come on. Its not just the Boy
Scouts or the Rotary Club. The Trilater-
al Commission was founded by David
Rockefeller for the powerful figures in
Japan. Western Europe and the U. S. to
work out a common strategy. Isn't there
à point to be made that what's good for
Chase Manhattan may not be good for

the rest of us? For instance, maybe it
was not in our interest for David Rocke-
feller to have the kind of influence that
got the shah into the United States.

ANDERSON: Well, let's not blame the Tri-
lateral Commission for that. You know,
арреп to think there probably was a
mistake in admitting the shah. . . . You
can't lay the blame for what happened
connection with the admission of the
h at the door of the T1 eral Com-
ion. Now, if Cyrus Vance had not
vid Rockefeller at the Trilateral

d Club in Chicago, or the
or wherever he went to
There

Club,
school. There is an establishny
is a foreign-policy establishment, an elite

this country. I don't deny that. and
maybe you're right that one manifesta-
tion of that is this forn ng of
individuals in the T Commis-
sion. But what I think has been grossly
exaggerated is the impact that the or-
nization has on decisions that are
made. ... I aan say in my own defense,
if I need a defense at this point, that I
have already differed with many, many
people on that commission on issues like
whether or not we ought to go ahead
in this current round of the arms race
and construct thin ke the MX missi
and whether or not the future secu
of thi

ty
country really lies in trying to

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improve those systems, So I don't really
feel I'm personally locked in the viselike
grip of some foreign-policy establishment
that would rule my decision making if I
became President.
PLAYBOY: There's at least one more issue
ders of rravsov would ask a Repub:
lican candidate: With some states having
stricken ast cohabitation,
homosexuality, sodomy, and so forth,
how do you feel about state intrusion on
personal behavior?
ANDERSON: I'm against any s
PLAYBOY: Across the board?
ANDERSON: Yes.
PLAYBOY: That's an unequivocal answer
Since we've brought up the subject, why
were you willing to do the Playboy
Interview?
ANDERSON: Why? Well [smiles], it's a r
spectable journal and it carries inter
views with very intelligent, noted people.
I'd be proud to join their ranks.
PLAYBOY: Will it cause you any problems?
It mi, пс of my
1 Church friends look some
yes. But we could send
them reprints of just the interview,
літ we?

sion

te йїп

ainly. Incidentally, religion
in Carter's 1976 campaign.
in this campaign have
share of godliness on their
n Evangelical Christian

Candidates
claimed a f.
sid

As
yourself and oue who has described

too.

himself as horn again at the age of n
what place do you think religion h
a political campaign?

ANDERSON: None whatsoever.
has no place in a political campaign. I
saw an ad recently put out by an evan-
gelist group that urged. people to vote
for Reagan because he believes in Jesus
Christ. And that shows the danger of
injecting your particular brand of re
igious faith into a camp This is
a Government based fundamentally on

Religion

the separation of church and state; one
of the first things this country's founders

got around to was to outlaw religious
qualifications as a. test for the ability 10
hold public office.

When you need surgery, you want to
hind the best pair of hands you find
in а surgeon. When you want a Presi
dent, you certainly want a moral man,
one who believes in truth and justi
fine that in terms of a particu-
ous faith is a distortion of the
political process. We're not selecti
national rabbi, or a national priest, or
a onal minister. Wı ng
President of all the people, even people
who, for reasons of their own, do not
believe in a god.

PLAYBOY: Since we're back on the topic

selec

of the campaign, and because you have
a reputation for honesty, we'd like to
ask you: Aren't а lot of the things you

go through in a campaign stupid and
demeaning?

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ANDERSON: Yes. `Гһеге'з got to be some-
thing wrong with a system that operates
this way. You visit endless factories,
shaking hands, and what the hell good
does it do? You walk up and down these
aisles, and these poor people can hardly
hear your name over the din of these
clattering machines, and you're being
hurried along so fast that even if some-
one did have a question, you couldn't
stop long enough to give him a sensi-
ble answer. . . . At one point, I remem-
ber that a woman said to me, "I don't
know anything about your views." Well,
Iapplauded her. I said, “Frankly, I think
you're right. Why should you vote for
me? Just because I shook your hand
doesn't tell you whether or not I have
the qualifications or the qualities to be-
come a good President.” So I had some
of my leaflets sent to her. At least that
might have given her some partial in-
formation.

"There's no real time to stop and get
any interaction with people, particular-
ly when you're being towed along by
the head of the factory. .. .

PLAYBOY: And yet you've done it. You
realize it's meaningless, but you played
by those rules.

ANDERSON: Oh, I don't know. All too
often, candidates become so malleable
out of sheer exhaustion that they go
along with things their campaign man-
agers recommend, whether it's important.
or not. Somehow we accept the idea that
if you press enough flesh, by some strange
process of alchemy, that turns you into
an adequate President. I don't believe
that. I think that's why we end up with
some of the Presidents we've had.

It should take more than stamina on
the campaign trail. It should take more
than the ability to seem exuberant about
doing all the banal things that are
expected of a political candidate to
convince voters that someone has the
broad-ranging vision that is needed in a
President. Now, how you find this per-
son, other than through the convoluted
system we engage in now, is another
question.

PLAYBOY: "That's our next question. How?
ANDERSON: Maybe we should do it on the
basis of phrenology. ‘That's like reading
palms, only you read a person's charac-
ter by fecling the bumps on his head.
Let the voters feel the bumps on my
head and see if I radiate goodness and
ity and compassion.

Now, seriously,

Congress-

man—

ANDERSON: There's also this proposal I
read about recently that says we should
have a council of 11 people—I don't
know why 11 people, precisely—repre-
senting the very best talent from vari-
ous fields and disciplines, and that this
council would sit down with a list of
possible candidates. By some process
that is not yet clear to me, the council

would sift through the list of possible
candidates and select someone they
could support for the Presidency.

[At this point, Keke Anderson, the
Congressman’s outspoken wife, enters
the conversation, which is taking place
in the Andersons’ hotel suite. She will
join the conversation at various times
throughout the rest of the interview.]
MRS. ANDERSON: Who submits the list of
possible candidates, John?

ANDERSON: I suppose the council does.
MRS. ANDERSON: Who chooses the council?
ANDERSON: Now, ihat’s a good question.
PLAYBOY: If we may interrupt here. . . .
How about just one real example of
how to improve the system? For in-
stance, this circus aumosphere of pri-
maries, and the welter of TV ads, and
the traveling troupes of cameras and
reporters, and tlie enormous amounts
of money—isn't there at least a way to
streamline it?

ANDERSON: Yes; public financing of cam-
paigns was at least a start. But you take
a man like Connally, who came along
and raised $10,000,000 from corporate
board rooms and was then able to say,

“Were not selecting
anational rabbi,ora
national priest, or a
national minister. We're
selecting a President
of all the people."

"I'll disdain Federal funds. . . ." And
even apart from that, the limitation is
that you can spend about $17,000,000 in
the course of the primaries. Even with
Federal funds, that's excessive. "There
just isn't any reason a mam should
have to spend $17,000,000 to run for
the Presidency.

PLAYBOY: And you think merely spend-
ing less would streamline the whole
process we're talking about?

ANDERSON: I think it might. I just think
it might. There could be a tendency
for people to eliminate the more su-
perficial aspects of campaigning—you
know, all this image making. That's
what bothers me. These vast amounts
of money spent on television, where
candidates are shown striding through
a room filled with screaming supporters,
shouting out, “I bring you a message
from across America. We're going all
the way!" And you know what it is?
105 absolutely nothing. "There's no sub-
stance at all. But it projects this image
of a strong, purposeful, confident man
who has assembled around him the
screaming masses, and, therefore, ipso

facto, he must be a great leader. I
don't know. What we ought to have is
a system where people somehow can
accept or reject a man on the basis of
his ideas. I mean, 1 know it can get
tiresome to hear me repeat that, but it's
what I believe.

You know what a campaign ought to
be? In a new politics, it ought to be
something like an exa ion, where
there are a series of questions and can-
didates are elected on the basis of which
have the best answers. [Senator] Jack
Javits once told me, "If there were a
national civil-service exam for the office
of the Presidency, John, you'd win
hands down." He said | knew more
than any of the other candidates about
what the problems are and what the
solutions might be.

Well, obviously, we can't administer
the selection process on that basis. But
we ought to be able to work out a
system where candidates are literally
forced to demonstrate some competence,
without vagueness or evasion, in com-
ing up with specific ideas and answers
to specific problems.

PLAYBOY: You keep saying that elections
should be decided on issues, not on
images. Yet in 1976, Carter ran what
was perceived as a vague campaign
based on trust. And the first Republi-
can candidate to effectively challenge
Reagan was Bush, whom you've accused
of running the vaguest campaign of all.
How do you explain it when the can-
didates with the least definition get the
voters’ attention?

ANDERSON: Because of the polls, for one.
We are all pollerized in our society
today. Look at the beginning of this
campaign. Way back in November,
there's a straw poll in Maine, which
Bush wins, even though Baker was ex-
pected to win. It's just a straw poll, but
The New York Times writes a front-
page story saying it legitimizes his can-
didacy. Then comes lowa—again, not a
primary, strictly a straw poll—which
Bush wins by a couple of thousand
votes, and this is interpreted by the
press as dramatic progress. Then the
Harris pollsters get into the act, do their
polling and show Bush rose from six
percent to 27 percent or whatever, and
they repeat the polls week after week,
and it all gets to be a self-fulfilling
prophecy—before we've even had the
first state primary!

PLAYBOY: Doesn't that suggest in your
heart of hearts, despite what you claim.
about voters' being denied access to
real issues, that people aren't as inter-
ested in ideas as they are in vague im-
pressions of leadership?

ANDERSON: Thinking is hard work. The
hardest work in the world is to really
think. The average American, who
works from eight to five, goes home at
night, pops the top on a can of beer,

113

PLAYBOY

puts his feet on a hassock, wants to
watch a sitcom on television or get his
mind off the fact that he can't pay his
bills because of inflation—I'm not try-
ing to suggest that’s the only reason
we've become less of a thinking society,
but I think it’s true.

Lincoln and Douglas could debate in
Freeport, Illinois, back in 1858, and
15,000 people would travel dusty roads
in their wagons and stand to listen to
three hours of speeches while they ar-
gued such abstruse propositions as pop-
ular sovereignty and all the rest. Do you
think you could get two politicians
today to hold a crowd for that long, if
people had to go to that expense and

suffer that inconvenience? They might
go hear Frank Sinatra and Dean Mar-
tin entertain for Ronald Reagan, but
they would scarcely turn out for a dis-
cussion of the energy crisis.

PLAYBOY: And yet your whole campaign
is predicated on the opposite—that
people will listen to ideas.

ANDERSON: Well, I'd be the first to con-
cede that the wish may be father to the
thought; that it can be done; that
somebody ought to try it. I don't want
to sound messianic, or as if I have a
Saint Francis of A: complex, but if
you don't like the way the system works,
and the way this election. process oper-
ates, it seems to me you have a responsi-

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bility to do more than sit around and
grouse about it. That's really why I ran.
PLAYBOY: Did you underestimate the dif-
ficulty of what you were trying to do?
ANDERSON: I underestimated how hard it
was to get people to accept new ideas
that were, on the surface, unpopular
and difficult. Voters were already feel-
ing the pain of high gasoline prices,
and here comes a guy who says we
ought to pay 50 cents more. Well, I
can talk until I'm blue in the face
about how they would get that back
with cuts in Socîal Security taxes. But
they don't really know how much they
already pay. I asked one worker the
other day if he realized how much was
withheld in Social Security taxes. Did
he really know what I was promising
him when I said I'd cut those taxes in
half? He didn’t have any idea what he
paid, so, obviously, that argument didn't
wash with him.

PLAYBOY: Assuming your campaign isn't
successful, will it be enough to have
presented some of those ideas, to leave
a campaign legacy as. say. an educator?
ANDERSON: Well, that would be preten-
tious. I'd rather have been a reformer,
I guess. Obviously, I fascinated a lot
of intellectuals around the country; they
loved to sit around and discuss with me
the prospect of a new coalition and a
new politics. But that’s not enough,
unless you take the long view of history.
You can console yourself with the
thought that, well, I tried it and it got
this far; maybe somebody else will come
along with more ability than 1. Maybe
I will have planted the seeds of thought
that someone else will harvest.

PLAYBOY: And by someone else, you
clearly don't mean any of the present
candidates, such as Reagan or Bush. We
thought we caught a distaste in you for
Bush. Do you think he'll stumble?

[This portion of the interview was
being conducted the evening before
Bush's startling defeat in the New
Hampshire primary.]

ANDERSON: I predict he will. He's the
stereotypical, packaged, merchandised
kind of candidate who believes the way
to win the nomination is to be evasive
on issues to the point where you appeal
to everybody. . . . Well, you can't carry
water on both shoulders without stum-
bling somewhere along the way. It may
even happen here in New Hampshire.
We don't know yet, but he can't carry
his act all the way through the primaries.
PLAYBOY: With all the evasiveness you
say he's showing, where do you suspect
his real sympathies lie in foreign pol-
icy? The interview conducted with him
by the Los Angeles Times їп February
seemed to bring out a right-wing, hawk-
ish side to him.

ANDERSON: I think he is. I think he has
demonstrated that he has the mentality
of a hard-liner. I think he also decided
to follow what he believes to be the

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mood of the American people right now
and I think a leader has to do more
than that.

PLAYBOY: People have always said that
the Republican Party has a death wish,
which it showed by nominating Gold-
water in 1964 and which it might show
by nominating Reagan this year. Are
you saying that Bush fits that. pattern,
too, that it could be another Goldwater
situation if Bush got the nomination?
ANDERSON: If you want to point to what
happened at the 1964 convention and
compare Goldwater with Bush and W;
liam Scranton with Anderson, I think
you can make the analogy very well.
PLAYBOY: So you're basically predicting
disaster if Bush gets the nomination?
MRS. ANDERSON: Right!

ANDERSON: What I’m asking is, How can
this country elect a man who apparent-
ly feels we can’t reduce our dependence
on foreign oil and that what we have
to do is give the Saudis and anybody

else the F-15s and put our forces over
there, instead of demanding a sacrifice
from the American people in the name
of conservation——

PLAYBOY: But isn't that more or less

Carter's position? Your view of empha-
sizing conservation at home could be
seen as isolati
MRS. ANDERSON: Carter is playing politics
with war and peace! It's that simple.
ANDERSON: Now, wait a minute. I'm try-
ing to get the question here. Too many
interruptions, Keke. I'm not suggesting
an isolationist approach. To recap, our
first order of business should be to re-
duce our dependence on foreign oil by
conservation. At the same time, I'm not
saying we should retreat behind fortress
America and let the Russians move
toward the oil of the Persian Gulf. But
we do have allies, and we should stitch
together the fabric between us and
them and approach the problem, not
unilaterally but as а problem of the
world community.

MRS. ANDERSON: Rut the point is, why
is Carter not doing anything about con-
servation at home? I say he's playing
politics with war and peace!

PLAYBOY: Do you want to comment, Con-
gressman?

MRS. ANDERSON: You're telling us we have
to reduce our dependency on forcign oil,
John. We've known that for five years,
but Congress hasn't done anything. The
President hasn't done anything. He tells
us that's our. vital interest and he still
hasn't done anything. Why isn't he press-
ing а more mandatory oilconservation
program?

ANDERSON: Because it's an election year.
MRS. ANDERSON: He's playing рої
war and peace. That's what youre tell-
ing me!

PLAYBOY: We have a couple of more
questions here.

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PLAYBOY

ANDERSON: Keke, I think you need a
little R&R.

PLAYBOY: Just to finish up on the topic
of George Bush

MRS. ANDERSON: Bush doesn’t even talk
to John anymore.

PLAYBOY: Is that true, Congressman? One
Republican candidate not talking to
another?

ANDERSON: Well, when we meet, he makes
it quite obvious he’s looking the other
way. He's very cold. Yes.

PLAYBOY: Reagan is much better known
than Bush; we wonder what Bush was
like during his two terms in the House
of Representatives.

ANDERSON: Well, he was a very affable,
friendly fcllow who got along well
with everybody and made no special
marks

MRS. ANDERSON: He says. But there's no
one who could tell you what terrific
things George Bush did at all those jobs
he had. He was just a
ANDERSON: I would say that ——

MRS. ANDERSON: In Congress, he went
down the line for Nixon. He served in
the United Nations, but certainly not
with the élan of Pat Moynihan or even
Andy Young; then he went to China,
where everything is inscrutable; and
then he went into the CIA, where it's
all so secret!

PLAYBOY: OK, change of topic. You must
have been one of the few Presidential
candidates in history who rose to prom-
inence through a cartoon strip. How
did you feel about being spoofed in
Garry Trudeau’s Doonesbury?

ANDERSON: Some people obviously
thought I should have been offended,
because it tended to make me look
somewhat pathetic
MRS. ANDERSON: With Garry Trudeau,
you had the most respected advance
man in politics!

ANDERSON: No, I enjoyed it, I've enjoyed
it. I think it’s pretty nifty.

PLAYBOY: Speaking of spoofs, after being
kidded on Saturday Night Live for
several shows, you attended a perform-
ance and had a cameo appearance.
Whose idea was that?

MRS. ANDERSON: They did a bit again a
couple of nights ago. Anybody see it?
Saturday night?

ANDERSON: They called us up and asked
us to attend. A lot of the young cast got
caught up in the campaign; when I got
there, several of them had our cam-
paign buttons on. The young people
in the cast, for one reason or another,
have been attracted to my сатр:
and thought it would be a good thing
to do.

MRS. ANDERSON: They know quality when
they see it.

PLAYBOY: We have one final topic. Your
Presidential race aside, most of your
adult life has been spent in the Con-
gres. We understand that you have

120 friendships and loyalties there, but in

the same spirit of commenting as an
insider now on the outside, tell us what.
you really feel about how Congress
works. Most people say you played the
game very effectively —
MRS. ANDERSON: He didn't play the game,
though. He was effective without play-
ing the game.
PLAYBOY: OK, but Senators and Congress-
men have said you were one of the
most effective members——
MRS. ANDERSON: They're right.
PLAYBOY: But you quit voluntarily. You
must have some thoughts about it in
retrospect.
ANDERSON: J sound too much like a po-
litical scientist when I get on that top-
ic, especially when I start complaining
about the committee system and the
bills that get pawed over by three or
four committees, when one would be
enough, and—it's just the way the place
is organized. I mean, it's unbelievably
inefficient. I could give you statistics on
the countless hours that add up to
exactly nothing and how very little
time is spent on really important things.
We spent most of our time on things
that didn't matter much.
MRS. ANDERSON: The saddest thing you
can see is these Congressmen who just
sit there sleeping all day long—it's the
saddest sight in the world.
PLAYBOY: Does it eventually grind you
down?
ANDERSON: Thc Congress? Yes, I think,
increasingly. The retirement statistics
demonstrate that.
PLAYBOY: Would you have retired from
Congress, in any case, if you hadn't run
for President?
ANDERSON: No, I wouldn't have run again
for Congress.
PLAYBOY: So you just got tired of it.
ANDERSON: Yes.
MRS. ANDERSON: John, you're not tired of
congres. We've had five children and
the youngest is only cight.

[Anderson gives his wife an affection-
ate but somewhat pained look.]
MRS. ANDERSON: Now, don't shush me. I'll
do just what Elizabeth Taylor did with
John Warner and tell you [with mock

` ferocity), "Don't you raise that domi-

neering hand at mel" [Laughter]
PLAYBOY: Getting back to the ques-
tion, ...

ANDERSON: After a time in Congress, you
feel you're not really doing anything
terribly well. I think it is the distrac-
tiveness, the enormous distractiveness,
displayed by most members of Congress.
They have a very short attention span
оп any issue, most of them.

PLAYBOY: Why?

ANDERSON: I think it’s the increasing de-
mands of the job, the attempts to satisfy
constituents, to accomplish the chores of
being re-elected —

MRS. ANDERSON: To make sure they've
read their polls.

ANDERSON: And, of course, all the petty

jealousies that exist in that body over
things like jurisdictional authority.

MRS. ANDERSON: More than that, can you
imagine anyone with your gift of speech
being there 19 years and never once
did they ask you to speak at a Repub-
lican Convention? Not once!

ANDERSON: That has nothing to do with
Congress.

PLAYBOY: Since you've said that your
Presidential campaign represented a new
approach, a new politics, why didn't you
try for that while you were in Congress?
ANDERSON: Well, I have to make an ab-
ject confession at this point. I hadn't
really sat down and wrestled with my-
self to the point where J felt it was
imperative to come up with new ap-
proaches, new ideas. I guess it was the
stimulus of a Presidential campaign,
particularly when you're trying to sep-
arate yourself from a field of seven can-
didates, that gives you the incentive
you lacked in the House.

PLAYBOY: Is raising the issues now enough
of areward?

ANDERSON: It’s rewarding, but no man
who is a politician—in the proudest
sense of the word—wants the ignominy
of defeat. I don't want to end up a flat
tire like poor old [former Oklahoma
Senator and 1976 Presidential-campaign
dropout] Fred Harris, hauling a house
trailer around the country in a forlorn
campaign, wondering if I have enough
gas to get to the next pump. I've got a
little pride. I didn’t set out to be some
noble creature who was going to stimu-
late the thought processes of the Ameri-
can people. I wanted to win.

PLAYBOY: And assuming you don't?
ANDERSON: After all, nobody forced me
to become a candidate. I was warned
in advance by hundreds of people that
my party would never take me. It’s not
as if I didn't have all these warnings.
There wasn't anybody cheering from
the side lines, “Send in Anderson! Let
him carry the ball!" There wasn't any
great roar of the crowd that threw me
into the race. So I'd be foolish to have
any feelings of bitterness when it's all
over, But I did enter the race to win.
PLAYBOY: Perhaps you could leave your
mark the way Adlai Stevenson did.
ANDERSON: Yeah, maybe people remem-
ber Adlai Stevenson for his two cam-
paigns. I certainly do, and I quote him
often enough. But, by and large, history
docsn't record the exploits of defeated
candidates. Most people can’t even re-
member who ran and lost in 1976, and
that’s only four years ago.

PLAYBOY: Will losing to one of the other
Republican candidates you've discussed
shake your belief, which you've ex-
pressed often, in the innate common
sense of the American people?
ANDERSON: I wouldn't put it that way
It won't embitter me, as I said. But it
will make me wonder about our ability
to work our way out of our problems. If

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PLAYBOY

the American people succumb to the
sophisticated packaging of a man who
hasn't challenged them to take a funda-
mentally new approach to their prob-
lems, I am going to be much more
pessimistic about the future than I am
today.

[Several days after Anderson surprised
the country with strong second-place fin-
ishes in Vermont and Massachusetts on
March fourth, we caught up with him
again for a final session.)

PLAYBOY: It's a lot more difficult now to
talk with you. You have the networks
covering you, a big press bus, all this
attention——

ANDERSON: Yes, there you were with your
Playboy Interview, wasting all that time
with this lonely, forgotten and unknown
fellow, and all of a sudden—the big
explosion.

PLAYBOY: You were shocked by the re-
sults in Massachusetts, weren't you?
ANDERSON: Yes, I wouldn't have believed
it. It was a wild scene when the results
came in. My God, they had 2000 beer-
drinking kids pouring into that ball-
room at the Boston Sheraton, and they
almost tore us apart. We could hardly
get up to the stage. You're used to being
this quiet man along the campaign trail,
being the butt of Doonesbury jokes,
then you blink your eyes—and there
you are, the center of all this adulation!
PLAYBOY: Are you going to let it turn
your head?

ANDERSON: I really don't think so. I've
been in politics 90 years and I know you
can be a hero today and forgotten to-
morrow. If 1 fall on my face in Illinois
and Wisconsin, the three network crews
will. be pulled off, ГЇЇ resume my lone-
some journey and that will be it. So my
eyes are wide open; I know the risks,
the hazards.

PLAYBOY: One thing your emergence has
done is bring Gerald Ford out of the
woodwork. How do you feel about his
running again?

ANDERSON: I've just called him, and I
tried to convince him he ought to con-
tinue working on his golf slice. I really
did. I said, “Your rationale for running
is apparently that you think Reagan is
unelectable. I agree with you on that,
but ГЇ carry the banner." I told him
that anyone who could double the vote
in the Massachusetts primary, as I did,
and carry nearly half the independents,
maybe has something hot going for him.
But I guess Jerry thinks the country is
calling him. He wants a rematch. He got
beat in "76 in a close call, and it's the
old football-player instinct. He wants а
rematch,

PLAYBOY: Did Ford ask you to pull out
in his favor?

ANDERSON: No, he did not. Probably be-
cause I came on strong from the very
start of the conversation. I said, “I'm
running hard and I'm going to stay in.

122 You may want to come out of retirement

to beat Reagan, but somebody else is
capable of doing that, too." But he
didn't ask me to pull out. He knows тс
well enough from our past association
in the House. Well . . . according to one
report, Ford said somewhat slightingly
at a golf-course news conference that
Anderson is perceived as being too lib-
€ral for the Republican Party. So he's
obviously going to peddle that line once
he gets in—you know, that I'm a libcral,
hes a moderate and we can’t go any
farther to the left than where he stands.
Which is actually pretty far on the right.
PLAYBOY: Do you consider him any kind
of moderate?

ANDERSON: The only reason Ford has
ever been called a moderate is that he
picked up the standard against Reagan,
who is far more conservative. People ask
me about my conservative past; my God,
you can search Jerry's 25-year record in
the House and I think the only thing
he ever voted for that might qualify him
as a moderate was foreign aid. Ford is
a bred-to-the-bone conservative.

PLAYBOY: How do you assess the differ-
ences between you and Ford?

ANDERSON: Remember that he stated that
the only conditions under which he
would possibly approve of SALT II
would be to go ahead vith the neutron
bomb and the mobile MX missile. He
thinks that military spending is the way
to project the power and the influence
of this country, while I'm going to stick
10 my basic approach: First you repair
a tattered economy at home before you
get anybody to listen to you overseas.
So there won't be any problem finding
things that are different between him
and me.

PLAYBOY: But his argument will be that
under his Administration, the economy
at home was in far better shape than
it is now.

ANDERSON: I don’t think Ford has the
imagination to face a whole new set of
problems that are going to be far differ-
ent from what they were in the Seven-
ties. His views are so tı ional that the
old alliance between Big Business and
the Republican Party would continue,
and I'm not sure that's the best road to
travel in the Eighties. As I've said, my
approach is to appeal once again to that
overlooked constituency of our party,
which is small business. I'm beginning
to develop this theme more and mor
that small business can be more innova-
tive and more competitive and more job
producing than the bureaucracy of the
main-line corporate giants. I think I
feel more of an affinity toward that con-
stituency than would someone who's
been comfortably ensconced with Big
Business.

PLAYBOY: In earlicr portions of the inter-
view, with your strong opinions about
the other Republican candidates, you
mentioned that you felt friendly toward
Ford. Will that change now?

ANDERSON: It's a personal thing. He's a
very likable guy. Nobody ever got mad
at Jerry Ford. But if he wants to tangle
in the primaries, that has to go by the
boards. We'll have to go to the mat.
PLAYBOY: Despite your promise to carry
on all the way to the convention, your
star could fade just as quickly as it
brightened. Do you think you could
change your mind, compromise and
support another candidate?
ANDERSON: No, no, no. "To thine own
self be true." I've got to stand fast. The
temptation is strong. Every man, 1 guess,
faces the moment of truth when he
figures that the ultimate compromise
would give him what he's seeking. But—
I wish I could put it to you better—I
never really sought the office with the
traditional fire in the belly. I really still
cling to the idiotic and outdated notion
that the office ought to seek the man. 1
go back to Adlai, whom I quote all the
time, and say, “There are worse things
than losing elections.” There are too
many people who, by the time they get
the nomination, don't deserve it. I'm
going to live a long time, and ГЇЇ have
a long time to reflect on myself, and. . . .
Well, maybe Im sounding self-
righteous. That's one of my problems
at the moment. The press has started to
hack away at that—there was a column
headed “SAINT JOHN THE RIGHTEOUS.”
And I do think I have humility. l'm no
saint. I'm just damn proud that a lot of
people who never voted before thought
I had something different enough to
ofer. Am I just going to turn my back
on everything Гуе said and slide back
into the conventional things every poli-
tician does? ГЇЇ be darned if I will. Gene
McCarthy, who was the hero in '68, is
sort of sliding around the country today
as a forgotten poet. That may happen
to me. But for as long as I live, after
all this is over, I think I'd like to reflect
on the satisfaction that comes to some-
body who called them the way he saw
them, I'm not going to recant. Like
Martin Luther, I've nailed my 95 theses
to the door of the church.
PLAYBOY: While we're on the subject of
recanting, now that you have all those
network cameras around you and all the
attention you could want, do you regret
having spent all this time with us?
ANDERSON: No, I really do not. You guys
were prescient, and I think this inter-
view will reinforce the fact that I'm not
a conventional politician. People are
hungry for something different. Not in
a faddish sense but because they know
in their hearts that certain things have
gone wrong and we have to find some
new directions. If I can help formu-
late those directions, and give people
some hope that the system can work,
that's recompense enough for all the
grief I've gone through.

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eEYMOUr

SEYMOUR, IT SOMETIMES SEEMED to his
friend Joshua, put the sort of single-
minded energy into seduction that other
men applied to digging canals that
joined oceans or to sending rockets to
the moon. If hitherto unsavored nooky,
as he always put it, was the sweetest
reward this world had to offer, no sub-
terfuge or inconvenience was too great.
Napoleon could not have put more care
into the taking of Austerlitz than Sey-
mour did into the ravishing of the
receptionist at Pitney, McCabe, Thorna-
son, Lapointe & Cohen. He would find
out a girl's favorite color, what perfume
she fancied and if roses pleased her
more than orchids. If she read, and a
few of them did, he would contrive to
surface with a signed copy of a book by
her most revered author. If it was called
for, he came up with rinkside tickets to
the hockey game when Boston was in
town. He had, in order to seduce a
lecturer at Concordia U, done a crash
course on Kate Millett, and for the sake
of the favors of a typist at Canadian
Jewish Congress, he had got dressed in

if there were something
etter in life than

chasing women,

he couldn't figure

out what it was

fiction

By MORDECAI RICHLER 12s

PLAYBOY

suiped prison garb and tramped up and
down in front of the Soviet consulate to
protest the treatment of his brethren in
Russia.

Seymour,” Joshua had said, aghast,
“what are you doing in that ridiculous
outfit?"

"You are looking at a man,” he re-
plied, "who is going to have congress
with a girl from Jewish Congress.”

He was exceedingly generous with
gilts for his girls. Rings from Lucas,
necklaces from Ogilvy's, watches from
Birks. The saleslady in charge of the
lingerie department at Holt-Renfrew
suffered through his every entrapment,
agonizing with him as he tried to settle
on a choice, searching for what he called
the real coozy creamer. The one that
would make the honey run. Truly,
W. H. Auden couldn't have put more
thought into finding the precise adverb
than Seymour did into the selection of a
pair of lace panties.

Seymour was a compulsive philander-
ег. He was also totally unselective. His
mouth full squirting pickle juice, he
ran his hand up the legs of mountainous
waitresses in delicatessens, making them
quake with laughter and feel good. Dis-
embarking from the morning train to
Ouawa, joining the breathless dash to
the taxi stand, he had already picked
out, en route, the good bet he would
invite to share his ride to the Chateau
Laurier. Seymour subscribed to a phone-
call club in Chicago. For $50 a year,
he was able to call a toll-free station
and get the numbers of ladies cager to
receive obscene phone calls. He ban-
tered with long-distance operators and
kept a poste restante in post office В.

Portly, moonfaced Seymour was in
knitwear, his father's business. On his
flights to buy in New York, he no sooner
unfastened his seat belt than he was at
the rear of the airplane, whispering in-
decencies into the stewardess’ ear, mak-
ing her flush with pleasure. On steamy
nights, he parked at the Westmount
lockout and necked with buyers’ secre-
taries from Eaton's, The Bay, and even
Miracle Mart. Desk clerks in motels in
the Laurentians, the Adirondacks and
Cape Cod, accustomed to having $су-
ister with any number of “Mrs.
," shook their heads in admira-
tion as he moseyed up to the desk with
yet another moistening wife in tow. His
mother's widowed friends suffered palpi-
tations, they melted in his arms, when
he deigned to visit. If his 15-year-old
daughter brought home classmates after
school to listen to acid.rock records in
the furnished basement, Seymour scooted
downstairs and taught them how to do
the boogiewoogie. He had membership

126 cards to all the most modish discos.

From the beginning, Seymour had
been incredibly adroit at avoiding dis-
covery. A Machiavelli among adulterers.
He had been married to Molly for only
two years when he came home from the
office one night, grim, not saying a word
all through dinner.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

“I don't vant to talk about i

"Is it something I've done?"

"Ha," he barked, thrusting the letter
at her. Anonymous. Printed. Your wire
HAS A LOVER.

"Oh, my,” Molly exclaimed, a hand
held to her cheek.

“How could you do such a thing to
те?”

“Do what? You crazy fool. Who sent
you this?”

“How in the hell would I know?”

“But you take their word over mine?”

“How long has this been going on?”

“Oh, boy, could you ever teach Sena-
tor McCarthy lessons!”

“If I'm inadequate, tell me,” he raged,
simulating tears.

"Oh, Seymour, my poor darling.
"There's not a word of truth in it.”

“There have been phone calls, too. At
the office. They say, ‘Your wife is being
banged black and blue on Tuesday
afternoons, and they hang up. Or,
“Molly sucks,’ and they hang up.”

“But I'd never do such a thing. Fehl”

"Not at home, you mean. Not for
your husband."

"We're not going through that again.
Please, Seymour. And on Tuesday after-
noons, as it so happens, I go to my
social-psychiatry class.”

“And afterward," he said, “you blow
the instructor in some cheap motel. For
me, you wouldn't even wear that lingerie
I bought you."

“It’s filth, it's for a whore. I swear,
Seymour, you are the only man who has
ever touched me.”

“Who is it? Somebody who laughs
behind my back at parties?”

She began to cry. “I swear on our
son’s head I've never been unfaithful
to you.”

But, her tears notwithstanding, he
slept on the living-room sofa that night,
and the next, though she came to visit
him. appearing in her flannel nightie.
“I tried to get into those undies, but
they're too small, the seam split. Look,
baby!”

She was wearing the garters, pinching
into her plump, quivering red flesh just
above the knees, as high as she could
force them to fit.

“Hotcha hotcha," he said.

Only then did he notice that she had
brought a basin of hot water with her,
as well as a bar of soap and a towel.

"What arc you going to do?" he asked,
alarmed.

"TII do it for you if it's so important.
but I'm going to give it a good scrub-
bing first and you've got to promise to
pull it out before you're ready to shoot."

Seymour began to giggle.

“Look, mister, I'm not swallowing any
of it. I'd only be sick.”

Roaring, Seymour buried his head in
his pillow.

“What's so funny?"

Are you really having an affair?”

No. I swear," she said. And, pale,
resolute, she added, “Tell me when
you're tumescent and I'll start.”

“Listen,” he said, feeling himself
shrivel down there as he sat up. “I'm
hungry. Why don't we have an omelet
instead? With lox and onions."

And the next morning, when the
registered letter came for her from Miss
O'Hara, just as that bitch had threat-
ened, he hid behind his Gazette as she
read it, her checks burning red.

“Bad news?" he asked, finally.

“Maybe I'm not the only onc playing
around," she sang out.

"What are you talking about?" he
charged, outraged.

“You ought to read this. I've never
read such schmutz."

He grabbed it. "Holy shit! Do you
know her?” he asked, struggling with
the signature. "Sandy O'Hare?"

“O'Hara. And do you know her is
more important."

“Tve never heard of her in my life.
You've got to believe me, Molly.”

“I believe yo!

He stared at her, stumped.

“And I didn't jump down your throat,
аар”

I didn't insult you with accusations
based on no evidence but the word of a

“Give it here,” she said, crumpling it
into a ball and throwing it into the
garbage. Where it belonged, she said.

“It’s incredible," Seymour ventured.
“Some sex nut has obviously got it in
for both of us.”

She seemed pensive
psychotic," he continued.
“Who knows? Maybe one of those
squinty-eyed types in your social-psychia-
try class has the hots for you and he's
trying to stir up trouble between us."

"Wasn't there а Sandy O'Hara on
your switchboardz"

"Oh, you are sadly mistaken. Never,"
he said. "And, listen, darling, Гуе been
holding back. l've been getting more
obscene phone calls about you. Right

(continued on page 131)

"I thank Thee, О Lord, before partaking of the bountiful
blessings Thou hast spread before me....”

128

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coaches Josiane Tanzilli

who plays a
Marlene Dietrich type in his surreal
cinematic vision of feminism.

тау is best known for two kinds
Je movies: straightforward spa-

ghetti Westerns and the famous

Fellini linguine (which is a sur.
realistic movie that makes you
scratch your noodle). The latest of
the latter is City of Women, sched-
uled for release this month in
Europe and expected to arrive in
American theaters sometime this
fall. The film's main character
(played by Marcello Mastroianni) is
a guileless middle-aged man named
Snaporaz who falls asleep on a train
and dreams that he has stumbled
into a dangerous multidimensional
world populated only by womcn.
Although City of Women is superfi-
cially a commentary on feminists, it
e specifically Federico Fellini's
perspective on the confu-
sion that men of lustful but tender
souls (like Snaporaz) have felt since
the advent of women's lib. It
abounds with Fellini's favorite in-
gredients: bizarre sex scenes, crotic
symbolism and an astonishing array
of (as you'll scc) beautiful women.

a. ‘ pe- ^ 4
_ De e سے‎ ~~ - =“

One character wha appears thraughout City of Women is Fellini Іл ane of the film's mare bizarre scenes (abave), Damiani and Sora
discavery Danatella Damiani (above left and below), who comes ^ Tofuri, after rescuing Snaporoz from his wife, crawl inta his bed and
to Snaporaz (Marcello Mastraianni) as a savior in his dreams. make love to him; afterward, they do a dance routine (opposite).

Snoporaz finds that in the City of Women, women marry
women. In the instance below, Mirella D'Angela (in the
hat) is the bridegraom and Karin Verlier the bride.
After the ceremany, the newlyweds go to their bedroam
(bottam left) to cansummate (sa to speak) the marriage,

Elizabeth Rothman (above right) is а notive Russian

wha studied at the Bolshai Dance Schoal, then moved to
the U. S. at the age of 16 ta study acting. Visiting Italy
in 1978, she met Fellini, wha gave her three roles in City
of Women, ane of which is Leaness, a wrestler (right).

Josiane Tanzilli (above, sans Dietrich
make-up and costume) also appeared in
Amarcord. Tatiana ond Brigitte.
Petronia (left) are sisters who play the
guards of the imprisoned Sneporaz.

Throughout City of Women, Snaporaz suffers various
indignities at the hands of the feminists who've token
him prisoner. One leather-clad woman forces him

into a country greenhouse to make love to her (right).
On the opposite page, Tatiana (left) ond Brigitte
Petronio have removed their leather costumes. Nice
girls, really, both admit they "like older men.”

Mirella D'Angelo is hardly recognizable above as the
“husband” in the feminist marriage (see page
130), but who cares? Asked what she thaught of her
role in City of Women, she says, “Amusing. I’m not
against homasexvality, but | have a man and | love
every minute of it." D'Angelo just completed an-
other film, Guignolo, with Jean-Paul Belmondo. In the
scene at right, an all-female punk-rock group hams

it up for the feminist congress that convenes in

City of Women. (I's the same group that saves
Snaparaz from his greenhouse tryst above.)

PLAYBOY

SEYMOUL (continued from page 126)

“You don't understand. You’re not into sex like me.

I climbed her because she was there. Like Everes

i^?

here. Where the kids could pick up the
phone. So I've arranged to have our
number changed. Temporarily, we're go-
ing to be unlisted.

“The kids, Molly.

But now poor Seymour was in deep
trouble. This time over his indiscretion
with Engel's wife, while Engel lay in a
hospital bed, trying to pass a Kidney
stone.

And this time he had been caught
with his pants down. Literally. By En-
gels father-in-law, who had a key to
the front door and had come to surprise
his daughter with a sack of oranges he
had coddled all the way from Miami,
only to find her naked and moaning on
the livingroom deep-pile wall-to-wall
carpet, Seymour humping away, her legs
straining heavenward. ‘The grizzly old
man had cried out and begun to pelt
Seymour's bare ass with the oranges, the
sack tearing, [ruit flying everywhere.
The tale had carried. And Molly was
unforgiving.

Seymour, not so much contrite as
seething, arranged for Joshua to meet
for lunch the following afternoon.
Shit," he said, joining him late, “you
know what happened to те?”

"Engel's wife,” Joshua said. "I mean,
how could you even be tempted by
that- x

“You don't understand. You're not
into sex like me. I climbed her becausc
she was there. Like Everest.”

Seymour was heavy, morose, awash in
self-pity.

“Molly giving you a rough time?”
Joshua asked.

‘Aw, that’s going to be OK,”
his most earnest voice, he added, “
promised to stop fucking around.”

“And how are you going to manage
that?"

Don't you start in on me, old buddy."
‘ymour, you don't understand. I'm
a fan."

"Well, that's over. Finito. You are
looking at a man who has developed a
foolproof system for fidelity."

“Oh, really?"

“You're not going to believe this," he
said. "Come." And he led him right into
the men's room. “Lock the door.”

“What for?”

"Lock the fucking door.

As soon as Joshua locked it, a beam-

134 ing Seymour dropped his trousers. He

was wearing blacksatin panties with a
delicate lace trim.

“Wow,” Joshua said, whistling.
“You can look, but you
touch." Seymour wiggled his
“What do you think?

“Think? Who can think? I'm trying
to control myself.”

"Seriously, now, you'd think 1 was a
faggot,” he pleaded, "wouldn't you?"
joshua refused to commit himselt.

Sure you would," he insisted. "Any-
body would. Don't you sce, you prick

"Sce what?”

"No matter how horny 1 get, or who
I pick up wherever, I'd never pull down
my pants so long as I was wearing these.
Why, they're ridiculous. I'd be a laugh-
ingstock. It's my chastity belt," he said.
“Absolutely foolproof.”

Soon after, skimming through the
“Personal” column in The New York
Review of Books, Joshua had stopped
short, exploding with laughter, when
he read:

mustn't
bum.

ATTRACTIVE, COSMOPOLITAN, VIRILE
MONTREAL MAN, early 10%, successful,
literate, adventurous, seeks slender,
loving ladyfriend in her 30s for sen
sual flights. “The grave is a fine and
private place / But none I know do
there embrace.” Am often in N.Y.C.
and Boston areas. N.Y.R. Box
142116.

Seymour, he had thought, Seymour,
you shameless pig! With a bottle of
Chivas Regal, Joshua sat down to for-
mulate a reply to the ad, coy yet entic-
ing, hinting at, if never quite spelling
out, unimaginable delights, but politely
requesting a letter, more concrete infor-
mation, before a meeting could be
arranged. This, just in case the ad had
not been placed by Seymour. He needn't
have worried. Seymour's horny reply
me bouncing back in the return mail.
s time, Joshua took a fetching telev
sion actress of his acquaintance and
Вагі а friend of Molly's, into his
confidence. He framed a reply, appro-
priately salacious but delicate in man-
ner, that suggested an exploratory
rendezvous, neither party under any
obligation, for late-a oon drinks in
the Maritime Bar of the Ritz.

Scymour arrived, shined, scrubbed and.
scented, at the appointed hour. A bottle
of Mumm’s, nesting in a silver bucket,

was already at his side when he noticed
Joshua ensconced at the bar, He waved,
his smile sickly.

"Hi, Seymour. Mind if I join you?"

"As a matter of fact, yes."

“Aw, you're kidding me,
sitting down at the table.

"Go away. Shoo," Seymour said, his
manner abrupt. "I'm waiting for some-
body to join me."

"Who?"

“Who who?" Seymour shot him a per-
plexed look. "I don't know who." Then,
in a sudden burst o[ good humor, he
laughed at himself and explained that
he was meeting a blind date. "Yes, at
my age. So?"

“I didn't say that. But if that's the
case.

“Wait,” he said, as Joshua rose to

leave. "Don't be so touchy. Sit down."
lake up your mind."
"She will probably turn out to be
awful. One of the world’s crazies. Why
don't you sit here with me until Т... .
She doesn't know who I am, either. It's
too complicated a story to go into. OK,
Ill tell you. She's one of those types
who advertise in the "Personal" column
of a newspaper. never mind which. I
took a flicr. I answered. OK, OK, I'm a
terrible man."

"What have you got there" Joshua
asked, indicating a soft leather satchel
beside him on the floor.

"What have I got there? A satchel.
Prick."

"What's in it?”

"Fuck off, will you? IH settle your
bill

Joshua started to get up again.
it down, for Christ's sake.

“What's in the bag?”

"My equipment. Happy now?"

“Your what?”

“This is a complicated world we live
in now. Things aren't what they used
to be. So I've got to be prepared. How
do I know what she fancics, a woman
who advertises for it? A little S/M.
Maybe not champagne. but a joint. Or
a sniff of coke. Or a special kind of
tickler. Who knows? Damn it, will you
leave me alone?"

"Im going."

“Just down here with me," Sey-
mour said, starting cach time the doors
swung open. "But if
suddenly—you will be a gentleman. You
will understand. Oh, shit, no. This is
absolutely ridiculous."

Barbara charged through the doors,
big buxom Molly padding after.

“Molly, look who's here!”

“Oooh,” Molly squealed.

Both ladies were laden with parcels

(concluded on page 213)

Joshua said,

ask you to leave—

AUGUST 3, 1979: Grass doesn’t grow here anymore. Yester-
day it rained. Now the sun is out and there is а smell
coming from the black, pear-shaped scar that stretches
100 yards across this green field, a smell of kerosene and
ashes, like ancient lamp oil and burned insulation. And
another smell, too, a strange incipient searing smell that
makes you want to move away and discourages any fur-
ther investigation.

The field is many acres, surrounded by high barbed
wire. Grass, cornflowers, scrub oak and weeds grow wild
out here. Except on this one spot. If you look closely,
you can sce that thousands upon thousands of pieces of
white wire are embedded in the rich, black mud that
sticks to your shoes as you walk along. The strands are
buried deeply, as if by unimaginable force, and when
you pull on them, bits of metal come out of the ground.

Each length of wire pulled free unearths more and more
parts, tiny electronic components, devices, shards of plas-
tic and scraps of aluminum melted into odd shapes.
Some of the fragments have identifying numbers on
them and some are still painted with yellow-green inhib-
itor. There are rivets and bolts, nuts and doublers and a
few hefty remnants as big as a man's hand. Suddenly,
it dawns on you that this is not merely a bald, scarred
patch of mud. It is a virtual warehouse of scrap metal,
avionics, knobs, switches, dials, parts, evidence. . . .

They say there is other evidence buried here, too, and
if you dig long enough, you begin to believe it. Stand on
this spot and watch the jets scream past overhead and
think about what you have smeared on your hands. The
impulse to go on digging just disappears.

"It's spooky,” a cop out here tells me, “а very spooky

. male s.

spot.” He should know. He has to work
here. “Must be weird for you,” he adds,
taking great care to clean his boots of
any mud clinging to them.

On May 25, 1979, about three o'clock
in the afternoon, American Airlines
flight 191 crashed here. When I arrived,
I found the area sealed off by police.
I went through a trailer park to get
around the blockade. The flight had
terminated right inside the Chicago
Police Department’s Canine Training
Center. Just beyond that, the quiet
community on West Touhy was laid
out on nameless, tree-lined streets with

136 double-wide trailers in rows, and be-

yond that were the great Standard
Oil fuelstorage tanks that could have
made the crash even more spectacular
if that McDonnell Douglas DC-10 had
been able to stay in flight for 41 instead
of only 31 seconds.

As I approached the crash site from
the interior of the trailer park, passing
through dappled sunlight and shade, I
turned a corner and came face to face
with an enormous piece of the plane. It
was a section of fuselage fitted for a
cabin door. Apart from the fact that it
was separated from the plane, it was
undamaged and sat there as it might
have sat in a museum, revealing nothing

of the magnitude of the explosion that
had put it some 150 yards from the rest
of the smoking wreckage, and nothing
of the damage it would have done had
it landed on a trailer instead of on the
narrow street.

Beyond the trailers was the entire
plane, some 270,000 parts that had once
been collected into a whole by 2,000,000
fasteners, bolts, nuts, rivets. The fires
were out now, but the story was only
just beginning for most of us.

Everyone's had the experience: You
want to see it and you're sorry when
you do. I couldn't connect with it then,
but four of my friends had boarded that

р!апе. I found myself unable to react;
that came later, with interest.

Yellow body bags and brightly colored
flags dotted the area. There were police
and helicopters, cars and equipment.
There were black flags, too. The largest
piece of the plane was the number-two
engine, the one that runs through the
vertical fin. Everything else was chips
and slices, fragments and hunks, black-
ened beyond recognition; and when you
saw something that might have been an
unfortunate tree in the path of destruc-
tion, you didn’t go near it. Pieces smaller
than that you'd have to touch to be sure
whether they were made of metal or

plastic or something else altogether.

When the police picked me up, I was
standing in the street by the clean,
gleaming section of fuselage (so pristine
it made you want to look for a plaque,
MC DONNELL DOUGLAS DC-10 SERIES 10 CABIN.
DOOR . . - ). I was put into the caged,
locked back seat of a police car and
driven out of the area to a blond brick
building, where they determined that I
was a reporter and sent me off to join
the other reporters.

It's true what they say about air dis-
asters: You've never эссп anything like
it, no matter what you've seen. I once
covered a disaster in West Virginia. A

makeshift dam broke and wiped out 18
miles of coal-mining communities. A lot
of people died there, the bodies were
everywhere, and the power of that water
sluicing through the narrow valley had
made the land look like the surface of
Mercury, 90-pound railroad track in
pretzel shapes. But it was nothing like
the crash of flight 191—that looked like
a nuclear-reactor meltdown. In West
Virginia, I had seen bodies. In this field,
I just saw faces.

An aircraft-accident investigator told
me all about it, how it is when you're in
there, really in there, going down. “You
know what happens in many of these

ILLUSTRATIONS BY RON VILLANI

137

PLAYBOY

he said. “If a person knows that
he's going to dic, he produces enormous
ns and pressures and literally de-
s his heart muscle—not exactly de-
stroys it but causes it to appear as a
heart attack. On more than one occa-
sion, we've had that kind of report from
a coroncr—you know, “The captain died
of a heart attack.’ And you say, ‘Oh,
Christ, but did he know what was hap-
pening to him? Does that mean some-
thing? Of course, it means a lot. It
means that guy was all tensed up.” He
laughed sadly. “He knew he was going.
All it says to you in essence is that it was
no surprise. A guy who gets shot in the
back of the head doesn’t die of a heart
attack. A guy who has control of the
airplane, literally trying to keep it air-
borne, will sometimes die of a heart
attack. I've seen them tear control col-
umns right out and break them from the
tension in their hands. And I've seen
them break their own bones doing so.”

I stood with the reporters in the heat
at the departure end of runway 32
Right for a few hours, and then we were
led on a tour of the site, which consisted
of h ig us stand in the field about 50
yards from the main wreckage and re-
minding us from time to time not to
wander off. By then, I had had enough.
I snapped a few pictures—ot the emer-
gency helicopters parked behind us, the
police cars, the green fields, of the un-
fathomable, surreal destruction and the
reporters, laughing and joking about it
(if you'd just happened on the scene
unaware, you'd have thought someone
was shooting a movie about Vietnam—
the high-intensity lights they use for
ight work standing on their yellow-
painted stalks, turned off and gleaming
in the sun, as if waiting for the director
to call another take). And I photo-
graphed Elwood T. Driver in his blue
jump suit with the snappy insignia of
the National Transportation Safety
Board (NTSB). He was leading the in-
vestigation and would make much news
the coming days and weeks.

Now, as I stand on this spot again,
holding a two-pound piece of the ОСЛО
that crashed here over two months ago,
Driver is a few blocks away at a hotel,
chairing the hearings into why and how
this happened. When the hearings be-
gan, I showed up to sit in the audience
h the pilots, who moaned
groaned each time a "professional in-
vestigator" or an "expert witness" made
another Orwellian statement, another
improbable grope for an answer. Even
chairman Driver expressed his exaspi

tion with the nonanswers he was get-

ting, as each group participating in the

138 hearings attempted to blame the others

and

for the crash, making no real attempt
to generate useful information. “I feel
like I am being caught in a game of
id wearily when
Douglas Sharman, a Federal Aviation
Administration aerospace engineer, once
again refused to answer a question.
“One man says, ‘I can't answer it, the
next one will, now Mr. Sharman tells

me йе can't answer and you tell me Mr.
Foster will. We are going to run out of
people pretty soon." And, of course,
they did.

When I arrived on the opening day

of hearings, the NTSB public-relations
man shoved a ream of paper at me,
saying, “Press handout.” It fell open on
the table front of me and I read,
“Aviation Toxicology Laboratory, Case
No. 3206. . . . Received by: P. Roberts
from Dr. Kirkham at 8:30 a-m., June 1,
1979. sawPLEs: Опе of bone, one
jar cach of skeletal muscle and hai ы
1 couldn't read any more. And after a
time, I couldn't listen anymore to the
tragic comedy of those hearings, so I've
just come out to stand on this spot
again, to see if what the officials tell me
true (“It’s all overgrown now, they've
plowed it und ceded it. There's
nothing to sec"). Well, some of it is
overgrown and they did plow and rake
and reseed it. But there is plenty to sec
(and feel and snell) and it will be a
long, long time before anything grows
on this spot again.
.
А усаг has passed
just get larger: И there are av

nd the questions
idable

aircraft accidents, why aren't they
avoided? If there are survivable acci-
dents, why are there so few survivors?

If fight 191 were the only crash or if
the DC-10 were the only airplane, there
would be fewer questions. But the closer
you look at airline travel, the more it
looks me of angels and great
good luck, rather than skill and know-
how and high technology. An engincer
at McDonnell Douglas told me that fly-
ing in an airliner was 115 times safer
than riding in a car, 28 times safer than
walking and three times safer than rid-
ing a bicycle. And I tried to tell him
that, based on the same statistical manip-
Ik the tight-

ulations, it was safer to wa
rope than fly his planes and it was also
saler to repair your roof than to take a
bath. “Well,” he said, “these statistics
aren't meant to be exact measures,
they're to help you get some perspec-
e. . . ." The point is, we should be
looking at the problems as they happen
nd before they turn into major air
crashes.

ning not just

the airlines themsel

frame manufacturers, engine and com-
ponent manufacturers and various
Government organizations) would have
you believe that airline travel is less
risky than climbing into bed. Some days
it is, some days it isn't. On May 25, 1979,
it was 100 percent fatal for thc 271 on
board. The day before, on the same
flight, it was 100 percent safe. Statistics
can devil the hell out of you if you let
them, but you pay your money and you
take your chances, and in this game, un-
delivered goods are nonreturnable. It is
therefore more instructive sometimes to
put the numbers aside and look at a few

unarguable examples: the actual air
crashes.
Start with June 24, 1975, when an

Eastern Airlines crew flew a 727 with
124 people on board into a known thun-
derstorm hazard on the approach to
Kennedy International. The aircraft
encountered a powerful wind shear
called a downburst, was forced down
into the approach lights, went out of
control and was destroyed. Only 14
people survived at the scene; four died
within a few days and one of them held
оп for nine days before giving up. Wind
shear is a meteorologii ion i
which sudden changes in wind direction
and/or velocity occur. An airplane, en-

countering such а wind change, can sud-
denly lose a significant amount of flying
speed. Without adequate flying speed,
ll simply return to earth.
thunderstorm-rclated.

the plane w

is a
phenomenon th
The crew of that Eastern flight had bes
warned about the problem. A pilot com-
ing in ahead of the Eastern 727 said to
the tower, “I'm just telling you that
there's such a wind shear on the final on
that runway you should change it to the
northwest.” Another Eastern pilot in an
11011 had abandoned the same ap-
proach a few minutes carlicr. The 727
captain, however, flew right into it.

Now, consider some amended stati
tics: that Eastern Airlines flight 66 on
June 24, 1975, provided the passengers
with an eight percent chance of getting
home alive. For one of the most dange
ous myths of statistics is that they hold
forth the tempting notion that every
Night is the same, that each time you
board an airliner your chances of
vival will be 99.9999 percent sure, which
is clearly not the case. When you fly
directly into a wind shear, your chances
drop—along with your airplane.

Not two months later, a Continental
Airlines crew did the same thing at Den-
ver, only it was an outbound jet instead
of one trying to land. Continental flight
(continued on page 142)

ELAS BB О Үү `* б ЛЕ TS FOR

DADS
GRADS

Below: Raise high the snifters, men. We'll drink
to this bottle of 80-proof Rémy Martin grande
fine Napoleon cognac that’s seen wood for 15
years, distributed by Glenmore Distilleries, $50.

Above: Something for the gold
bug—an 18-kt. handmade brace-
let that comes with your name
or combination of initials en
graved on it, by F. Staal, $2450.

Above: The IntelliPhone redials
busy numbers automatically and
stores numbers in its memory bank,
by Universal Security Inst, $200.

Below: Two 18-kt-gold American and
French passport pendants measuring ¥4"
wide that were designed in
Paris, $750 and $680, shown
with an 18-kt. 18" chain,

$170, all from Cartier,
New York City.

Above: An elegant and off-
beat upright attaché case with
a wooden frame and handle
and an easy-to-reach outside
pocket, from Alfred Dunhill
of London, New York, $175.

e Above: This battery-powered cordless whirlpool that's ideal jor
home use has two power modes for producing either a steady
stream of water or a pulse massager that delivers powerful inter-
mittent spurts, by Gillette, $145, including a compact recharger.

Above: Ted Lapidus Pour Homme Col-
lection of shaving gear includes a leather-
trimmed case with compartments and a
strap for hanging in the bathroom, $95,
after-shave lotion, $16, soap, $4, and
shampoo, $4.50, all distributed by Speidel-

Above: Battery-powered
travel quartz alarm clock
features a cover that drops
down to display a world
time chart, start-stop but-
ton that allows for accu-
rate time setting, recessed
selling button to avoid ac-
cidental time changes and
fluorescent hands for night
reading, by Braun, $55.

Left: The Soundabout
stereo cassette player,
a three-quarter-pound
machine that’s about the
size of a pocket diction-
ary, plays standard-
cassettes with surprising
fidelity; sound is de-
livered thro
of featherweig
phones and there's even
a dial for adjusting the
treble, by Sony, $199.95.

Below: Model STR-V25 FM/AM receiver
puts out 28 watts per channel; features a
circuitry that pinpoints and holds the broad-
cast signal with superaccuracy, by Sony, $260.

Cae MANKE.

тт

Above: Nine-inch portable _ black-and-

white TV, for use at home, in a car or
on a boat, comes with a rechargeable
12volt D.C. battery pack, earphone and
an adapter that enables it to be plugged
into cigarette lighters, by RCA, $179.95.

سے

Above: A wild and crazy corkscrew clock with spiral forms that
turn in a Lucite cylinder giving out hours, minutes and seconds,
from The Price of His Toys, Beverly Hills, California, $250.

Right: These high-
velocity HV/X Ster-
cophones feature
variable-density con-
toured ear cushions
that retain low-fre-
quency bass notes but
allow mid- and high-
frequency waves to
vent for better sound,
by Koss, about $70.

Below: Minolta’s 110
Weathermatic-A has а
moistureproof case and
Operates under water to
а depth of 15 feet, $150;
the optional underwater
Sportsfinder-A shown, $9.

x PHOTOGRAPHY BY DON AZUMA

Above: Attashe 200 Electronic Project Kit,
an adult toy, allows the owner to build up to
200 circuits, from Creative Products, $99.95.

Above: LS70 compact car speakers
can handle up to 60 watts per chan-
nel, by Epicure Products, $150 a pair.

Right: Stain-
less-steel and
18-kt.-gold Riv-
iera quartz
watch withdate
and crystal is
a rugged time-
piece that var-
ies less than 60
seconds а year,
by Baume &
Mercier, $1250.

Left: Phone-Mate's Remote
930 you to
remotely back-space indi-
vidual messages instantly
without waiting for the en-
tire tape to rewind and
replay—plus more, $299.95.

unit allows

Right: The M.U.D.
desk lamp, made in
Italy, takes a 50-
wall quartz-halogen
bulb; the {атр bulb

ising and bulb itself
are so small that they
merge with the stem
into a curved desi

2
from Statements, San
Francisco, Cal., $300.

PLAYBOY

142

AIRLINE SAFETY

(continued from page 138)

“The crew isn’t necessarily a trio of full-bird idiots;
but they aren’t steel-eyed superheroes, either.”

426 was safe on the ground; all the
captain had to do was wait and the
thunderstorm would have gone past.
Instead, he flew into the vicious winds
that always surround thunderstorms.
He was caught in a downburst and his
plane was forced into a field off the end
of the runway. The plane was destroyed.

Although there are some very sophis-
ticated windshear monitors at certain
airports now, numcrous pilots recognize
the fact that even simple wind cones,
placed at various points along the ap-
proach path and the runway, could
allow them to get a much clearer picture
of wind conditions. But when there is a
market for sophisticated monitoring
equipment, the market for wind cones
diminishes. And, of course, there is no
real guarantee that all pilots would pay
attention to the information even if they
had it.

Thomas E. Gullett of Continental
Airlines was captain of another 727 on
June 3, 1977, when he departed Tucson,
climbed to 30 feet and slammed through
power lines and utility poles. “Before
flight 63 started its take-off roll,” said
the NTSB, “the captain had clues that
should have alerted him to the likeli-
hood of a wind-shear encounter." That
"should have deterred him from taking
off under the conditions, especially since
the wind factor was critical to remain
within allowable weight limitations."

At the start of the taxi from the gate
toward the runway, the flight engi-
neer, who was computing the airplane's
weight, said, "Well, we're overgrossed
without wind." That meant that the
plane was overloaded (by some 900
pounds, according to the NTSB) and
might not lift off in the available run-
way length without a head wind to assist
it. The captain went ahead, nevertheless.

But there's more: “All crew members,”
the investigators , “were properly
certificated, except the flight captain,
who had not been route certified.” That
means he had not flown into or out of
Tucson in so long that he should not
have been there without a check pilot
to oversee his flight. “Furthermore, a
check airman, who had occupied a seat
in the pilot compartment . . . did not
certify as required by regulation that the
captain possessed adequate knowledge of
the assigned route.”

The litany of incompetence goes on.

The runway Gullett used was 7000 feet
long, but he started his take-off roll 500
feet beyond the normal starting point,
giving himself less space to work with.
Captain Gullet did not realize he was
starting at what is called the displaced
threshold—which means there were 500
feet of runway that could not be used
for landing, though he could have used
the extra runway for take-off. He didn't.
"The NTSB observed that Continental's
failure co ensure that its captain was
route certified did not “lessen the cap-
tain’s responsibility to have recognized
the displaced landing threshold mark-
ings on [the runway] which conforms
[sic] to the standard marking explained
in the Airman's Information Manual,
Part 1 [a basic text used by all pilots].
This part contains ‘basic fundamentals
required to fly in U.S. National Air-
space System.’ ”

And that should help you rethink any
assumptions you may have made about
airline crews. Don’t misunderstand this:
The men piloting your ship are not
necessarily a trio of full-bird idiots think-
ing of nothing but getting home to
learn how their $100,000 a year is
being invested. But they aren't always
steel-eyed superheroes, either. I know
a pilot who recently received approval
to join United. She has 1200 hours ac-
cumulated over ten years in single-engine
aircraft. She happens to be extremely
competent and, of course, won't start out
as a captain, but it docs give you some
notion about qualifications. In other
words, put yourself in the pilot's place:
You could do it, too. How good would
you be?

Would you be like Continental's Cap-
tain Gullett? Or would you be like the
captain of American Airlines flight 248
on August 5, 1977? He was flying a 707
out of San Francisco with 51 passengers
on board. With a ceiling of 100 feet, the
weather was bad enough to require that
he fly by instrument flight rules (LF.R.),
and he was departing through what they
call The Gap, a mountain pass out
beyond runway 28. About 75 feet in
the air, his left outboard engine ex-
ploded so violently that not only did
it break away from the aircraft but it
forced the left inboard engine back to
idle power as well. With only two of his
four engines operating normally, both
on the right wing (the word unstable

docsn't even apply), the pilot flew it
away, got the damaged engine operating,
turned around and started back to the
runway. The tower called him to say
that runway 28 was closed (his engine
was lying on the far end of it). He called
back, “Well, I don’t intend to roll down
there and hit it.” And he landed. No
опе was even scratched. He got another
plane and the 51 people went with him
to Chicago. They had just learned one
of the secrets of flying (what are the
chances of that same group's losing a
plane twice in one day?).

As a footnote, the cause of the engine
disintegration was the use of a faulty
fan. According to a crew member, the
large fan at the front of the engine had
been "oversped" on a previous flight,
which meant it had had to be removed.
American Airlines had removed it from
another plane, checked it out and pro-
nounced it airworthy. They then put it
on one of the engines for flight 248.
The hub cracked, releasing. numerous
fan blades, which exploded outward like
shrapnel. However, a principal main-
tenance inspector for the FAA said the
disintegration was the result of "normal
wear and tear."

So would you be like that American
Airlines captain and save 51 lives? Or
would you be like Captain George T.
Kunz of National Airlines? On May 8,
1978, he was flying a 727 with 52
passengers and six crew aboard, head-
ing for Pensacola, Florida. His Class I
medical certificate had the restriction
that he wear glasses while flying. He
wasn't wearing them. Notices to Airmen
(NOTAMs) are issued by the FAA
every two weeks in printed form for
flight-planning purposes. It is manda-
tory for pilots to be familiar with these
before making a trip. NOTAMs con-
tain information critical to flying safety
(how else would you know if, for cx-
ample, your destination airport were
closed?). The МОТАМ» on May eighth
said the instrument-landing system was
not working on the runway Kunz
planned to use; in fact, the runway was
closed for repairs. Kunz was unaware of
that.

Adding to his problems was the fact
that Kunz previously had failed his
proficiency test for descending too low
on the approach. In his report, the
airman who gave Kunz the check ride
һе failed said, "Kunz was having instru-
ment-scan problems (sometimes referred
to as tunnel m) . . . The captain
was given additional training and flew
a recheck successfully."

On the night of May 8, 1978, however,

(continued on page 268)

if theres anybody more reckless than the legendary
hunter thompson, its пое who thought they
l;

could capture his life on film

g^y*

SUGAR RAY

miss june has a sweet tooth, not to mention the rest of her

144
PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD FEGLEY

While in Japan, Ola
developed a taste for
sushi and sashimi. N
that she's back i
U. S., however, she
able to indulge h
sweet tooth. Forget fish.

la Ray became our Miss

June by way of Japan. It's

not the usual route to the
centerfold, but not much

Ola does is usual. She left the United
tes when she was 13, taking up
residence on an Army base outside
"Tokyo. Her adolescence was not the
normal blend of high school and
ppy days à la Donny and Marie.

I formed a dancing and singing
group with my twin brothers. We
would hop on the train and head
down to the clubs in the Ginza. We
called ourselves the Soul Train Pup-
pets. Wed sing and dance to songs
D., Earth, Wind & Fire and the

The group was success-

g towns from Nagasaki to

а learned to handle

herself in strange situations. "A lot
of the guys in the clubs belonged to
the Japanese Mafia. You could tell
by thcir tattoos. If onc of their fingers
was missing, it meant they'd messed
up.' Ola took it in stride. "Most

“I always wanted to
model, but everyone
said, without looking
at my pictures, that I
was too short. I guess
1 was just the right
size for PLAYBOY.

“Actually, I'm modest.

In a Jacuzzi, I wear

а bathing suit. People

tease me, but 1 know

I'm right. It makes them
wonder what's underneath."

panese are quite nice. They are warm, close people. If we were lost, they would get in a cab and take из where we
nted to go. And the discos were terrific. In the U. S., men ask women to dance. In Japan, everyone gets up to
If someone has a new step, everyone stops and watches. The next thing you know, everyone is doing it. Its a perma-
nent party.” When Ola returned to the U. S., she continued to dance and make plans for her career. A Playmate test in
Los Angeles was one step, acting, voice and dance lessons another. "I want to get back onstage. 1 like to wear wild
clothes, to hear people clapping. I love that vibe." Our guess is that you'll be seeing more of, and hearing more from, Ola.

When she's not busy studying
acting, voice and ballet,

Ola finds time for fun—at
Disneyland, for instance.

s the band. My mother used to have my brothers and
sisters come out and entertain company. I'd like to get my situation together and bring them along.”

“I'd like to be a rock singer, with my family

Y'S PLAYMATE OF THE MONTH

PLAYMATE DATA SHEET

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BIRTH DATE: „020/60 smack: RUN ETT ENS
GOALS: aa ааа тала Y

TURN-ONS: ac 2

TURN-OFFS: A сан
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FAVORITE MOVIES: # m.

FAVORITE SPORTS:

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SECRET DREAMTEZI—

PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES

When the fellow and his girl had an argument
in a bar, he stalked out in a snit. but she soon
found herself another male companion. They
drank rather freely and ended up in the girl's
apartment. It was right in the middle of some
heavy groping that the bedside phone rang.
“Pam, honey,” her boyfriend's voice came over
the line, “it was all my fault and I'm sorry. 1
hope you're not holding a grudge.”

7105 the first time I've ever heard it called
that,” giggled Pam.

a man in a Stetson

What are yore rate:
asked the Vegas hooker.

“Tm size-oriented, Tex,” was her reply. “I
charge fifty for average size. sixty for an over-
sized whang and seventy-five bucks when a guy
is hung maybe nine inches.”

“I'm shore sorry, then." continued the Tex-
an, “but I don't have nothin’ smaller'n a
hunnerd on me.”

Our Unabashed Dictionary defines lesbian
y
suspense skin flick as a clit-hanger.

1 can assure you there's nothing to be con
cerned about, madam,” soothed the child psy-
chologist. "Masturbation in the case of 2 boy of
your son's age is quite normal."

“Perhaps,” rejoined the woman, “but not in
church!”

A magician who hailed from Hohokus
Found his act an exciting new focus
When two girl volunteers
Triggered audience cheers
By insisting, “First hocus—then poke из!”

Maybe you've heard about the jet-setting fella-
trice whose sex drive knows no climatic zones.
She blows hot and cold.

Wanna see how brave I am?" snickered the
boy to the girl as he wriggled out of his nether
garments behind the barn and sat down on a
tree stump. “Look, I'm holding a snake in my

"That's sure not much of a snake,” the girl
te-heed. “Its head is way too close to its rattles.”

While the female psychiatrist and her girl-
friend were at the movies. the man seated next
to the M.D. began groping in his crotch with
one hand while he artfully worked the other
under her skirt and between her thighs. "For
God's sake, Vera." the observant and shocked
friend hissed, "why don't you tell that creep
that what he's doing is revoltingly sick?

“Why should I2" whispered the lady shrink.
“He isn't a patient of min

It's being rumored that the country that has
given the world leather goods by Gucci and
fashions by Pucci may soon be producing
[eminine-hygiene products by—who else—
Ducci.

Our Unabashed Dictionary defines merkin
salesman as a fuller-bush man.

The girls in that Lambda Sigma sorority are a
bunch of cock teasers,” groused the disgruntled
campus male.

"Right." agreed his listener, "and that's why
it's known as the Halfway House."

| found a good. stiff martini in a bar in Ven.
ice.” announced the returned female tourist.
His first name was Paolo.”

22,
lng rn

Gosh, Mr. Travis,” the young thing said to her
boss as they were leaving the motel in the wee,
small hours, “tonight you did it in triplicate!”

I'm sorry I accused you of being a fag.” the
tavern regular apologized to the newcomer.
“At times, I'm a... well, to put it bluntly,
I'ma prick—a real pric

"Thats all right, friend," responded the
apologizee. "We all sometimes say things we
later regret ... so how'd you like to have me
eat your words?”

Heard a funny one lately? Send it on a post-
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY,
Playboy Bldg., 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago,
Ill. 60611. $50 will be paid to the contributor
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned.

"I'm going out the hatch and take a shot at it—

they're delicious with garlic butter.”

157

in the daily sport of give and take, master

ТУЫ herb cohen is a champ. you can be, too

‘WINNING THROUGH
NEGOTIATION

"fs

ERBERT COHEN, 47, teaches the art of

negotiation. One day he conducts his

seminar at the FBI ($1650), then makes

the same speech to the Food Marketing B
Institute ($2000) and then—all in thc same

from. midnight to оп network radio. The
day before, he was in Saul Sainte Marie; the _

PLAYBOY

160 use one of your tactics. .

he will be at the State Department,
ing on Tran and Afghanistan,
and will even get а handshake and а
word of thanks from the President of
the United States.

Figuring an average of $2500 in fees
per day (expenses are billed separate-
ly. and his working 250 days a year
(his datebook is full through 1981), one
estimates that Herb Cohen—former
wise-ass kid from the streets of Brooklyn,
former claims adjuster for Allstate In-
surance (while he attended Iaw school at
night)—must now gross about $625,000
a year. And, says his wile, fees are
going up. He charges the Justice
Department "only" $6000 for a two-
and-a-halfday seminar on negotiation
and leadership, because he likes the
work; the National Dairy people, on the
other hand, were milked to the ume of
$1000 for a single day's program. What-
ever drives him, he is like an author on
an eternal book tour or a politician
whose campaign never ends. “It's not
the money,” he is fond of saying (mean-
ing money as a way to buy things); "it's
the money” (meaning money as a way to
keep score). It may also have something
to do with Cohen's cgo, which is not
small, and his upbringing—he is the
son of hard-working immigrant parents.

Cohen looks and talks exactly like
Walter Matthau (except when he docs а
sort of Buddy Hackett); he greets every
audience with the news that we are all
negotiators, from the time we first ay
for our mother's attention; and will leave
us, his voice resonating with solemnity,
recalling "two men who lived 2000 years
ago, two of the greatest negotiators in
the history of the world—of course, 1
am talking to you about Jesus Christ
and Socrates.”

In between, whether it be a dessert-
and-coflee engagement or a two-day
management seminar, Cohen is a Cats-
kills comedian whom we half expect,
after every sketch, to bow, thank the
crowd and disappear behind a cur-
tain. Instead, his voice and diction turn
suddenly oratorical—"And so I say to
you"—as he reiterates the point of his
story. You must be an entertainer first,
Cohen says, and a teacher only second,
if you want people to learn.

It is an open question whether or not
attendees actually do learn to negotiate
more effectively and, if so, whether or
not they will ever have a chance to try
out what they've learned. But they never
fall asleep in class.

А senior vice-president of Chase Man-
hattan Bank wrote to Cohen: "Wi
a doubt, your sessi egou
were the absolute high spot of the two-
week [Chase Advanced Management
Course]. . . . In fact, I've already put to
. . I felt we

were being ‘diddled’ by a key New York
City official in our negotiation. We
broke off any further talks. This trig-
gered certain responses which brought
matters back into better focus and
cleared thc air for further negotiations."
In other words, they crcamed Ncw York.

Another fellow claims to have saved
$3500 on the purchase of his home,
thanks to Cohen's lecture.

The mayor of Tulsa wrote: “Your
presentation [to a conference of mayors
in 1978] had a greater impact on me
than anything 1 have had since becom-
ing mayor.” ‘The FBI loves him. The
mayor of New Orleans calls whenever
he gets into a jam. Mexicans listen to
him eagerly through translation. Private
individuals pay $225 to attend the onc-
day public seminars he sometimes gives.

Having watched the Herb Cohen
show three or four times, twice live,
once on tape and piecemeal in hotel
suites, I give it to you here—not com-
plete, to be sure; but not for $4000, or
cven $225, either.

Cohen, dressed like а banker—Walter
Matthau as community leader—begins a
bit stiffly from the lectern.

“Persistence is to power, he says,
"what carbon is to steel. If a rat gnaws
long enough at a dike, it could sink an
entire nation. "This is how the Camp
David peace accords were put together.
Jimmy n my opinion, is a high-
ly moral individual. High moral convic-
tions. However"—and suddenly Cohen
is banker no longer—‘he is also one of
the most boring people in the history of
this country. So he got Begin and Sadat
to go to Camp David. Camp David is a
very boring place itself. It’s not what
you'd call a swinging modern-day Sodom
and Gomorrah. He got 13 people up
there with two bicycles and three films,
so by the fifth day, they had seen all
those films and had to helicopter in a
fourth. He'd come around every day
and say, ‘Hi, I'm Jimmy Carter. Let's
talk for another five boring hours.’ And
if you were Sadat and Begin, obviously,
you would have signed anything to get
out of there, and that's what they did.

“J think, to some extent, the same
thing was true in the Middle Fast.
Carter would leave—he was supposed
to leave—no, he's gonna stay a little
while longer. In fact, I think he'd still
be there, but to his credit, the per-
sistence paid off. 1 think he achicved a
great deal.”

And when did “concession behavior,”
as Cohen calls it, occur? When it always
occurs—at the d пе. Cohen learned
this lesson and the importance of time
and deadlines many years ago—be-
fore he went to work for Allstate, before
he was promoted to handle the training
of all claims adjusters, before he left ten

years ago to set up his Power Negotia-
tions Institute.

COHEN'S FIRST NEGOTIATION

“Twenty years ago, 1 was employed
by an outfit that was operating inter
tionally. I was not, but the orga
was.” Cohen jumps off the da
working the crowd. “I had one of
those top management jobs where they
would say, ‘Hey, Cohen—two with cream,
two with sugar.’ You know—one of those
key spots. And people would come back
from overseas .. . you'd meet them for
breakfast—' Where you been?’ And they'd
say, ‘Aw, just got back from Singapore:
сей together this $9,000,000 deal.’
Somebody else— Where you been? ‘Abu
Dhabi. Where you been?’ What could 1
say? "Well, I went to the zoo . . . the
aquarium. . . ' | used to go in to my
boss cvery Friday and ask for a shot at
the big time. I bothered this person so
much that eventually he sent me to
Tokyo to deal with the Japanese. This
was my moment.

"I'm on a planc on my way to Tokyo.
Its a I4-day negotiation. I've taken
along all these books on the Japanese
mentality, their psychology. I'm really
gonna do well. Plane lands in Tokyo,
Im the first guy down the ramp. I'm
raring to go. Three little Japanese guys
[at one time, Cohen weighed in excess
of 200 pounds; now 155] аге w
for me at the foot of the ramp
they're bowing. I liked that quite
Then they helped me through customs,
cy put me in this large limousine.
sitting there in the rear all by my-
self, and they're sitting on those fold-up
seats. I say, "Why don't you guys join
me? They say, ‘Oh, no—you're an im
portant person. You need your rest.’
We're driving along and one of them
turns around and says, ‘By the way, do
you know the language? I say, ‘You
mean Japanese? ‘They say, ‘Right.
That's what we speak. This is Japan."
1 say no. They say, ‘Are you concerned
about getting back to your plane on
time?’ Up to that moment, 1 have not
been concerned. They say, ‘Would you
like this limousine to pick you up? I
say, ‘Oh, yeah,’ and hand them my ticket.

Now, I don't realize it at the time,
but whats happened? They know my
deadline, but I don’t know theirs.

“So we start negotiating, ог I think
we do. The first seven days, they send
me to Kyoto to visit the shrine, they
enroll me in an English-language course
in Zen, they . . . I'm begging these guys
to negotiate. They say, ‘Plenty of time."

“We finally start the 12th day. We
end early, play golf. The 13th day, we
resume. End early for the farewell
dinner. The morning of the Mth day,
we resume in carnest and just as we

(continued on page 240)

ROHE dictum “Less il defi

to men's sy ar styles) this sum
а iced in al wariety of

ks can be Worn com-

orts activities, from

worry, Mr. Good-

iffier-looking than

make for handsome
асв аз а pair of
reasons to stock ир.

taken о as have trunk
nylon/cif® trunks, abaut
jacket with twin cargo
z fof State o’ Maine.

nother surfer takes a wind break and creates quite a splash—as d
ks with on-seam side pockets, by Catalina, $18. Insert far left:

“at
—
= а КИР 9
- т» ^ — ©
tins, TOD
= =. “a T
— ——À ти

Above: Here’s a new fashion wave to ride—a cotton/polyester velour
V-neck long-sleeved pullover with on-seam pockets, $30, that’s been
teamed with iridescent Antron/nylon shorts, $14, both by Jantzen,

Below: This wave jockey hos set his wind-surüng sights on an iri-
descent Antron/nylon acetate shirt with a handy breast pocket, $55,
and a pair of nylon swim trunks that have a back pocket, $30, both
by Lee Wright for Lanerossi. Right: More wind-surfing action in cordu-
roy trunks with a snap flap pocket, from Forge by Munsingwear, $17.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD FEGLEY

THE
GOOD GUYS

after watching a big-city police force
at work, the author has one thing to say about
cops—they may not wear white hats, but they sure have a right to

ONE OF THE TWO detectives motions me to
the side of the doorway. For a moment,
I'm confused, and then 1 understand—
ihe gentleman we аге calling upon
might very likely decide to fire a gun
through the door at us.

The gentleman's name is W
he is the prime suspect in the nea
stabbing of a woman named Barbara,
Willie's apartment is on the sixth floor
of a freezing, filthy building with little
piles of dog turds in the hallways.

The two detectives are both Irish,
both big. Both wear sports coats and
ties and identical tan raincoats. Their
names are Jack Monigan and Danny
O'Sullivan, and if you saw them on TV,
you would say the casting was too on
the nose and why couldn't they get any-
body who looked real? Monigan is the
more extroverted of the two and has
kept up an endless stream of amusing
chatter. Now he falls momentarily silent
and bangs on the door.

There is no response. Monigan calls
out Willie's name and hammers on the
door so loudly that anybody inside has
to think the door is coming in on hi
Still no response. After about five
tained minutes of banging and listen
it is clear to me that Willie is out and
that we are wasting our time. That is
when somebody inside stirs and gruflly
asks who's there. Monigan says it’s the
police and that we have to talk to him
immediately

The door is opened by a very short,
very powerfully built black man with a
bare chest. He has obviously been asleep,
though it is scarcely nine р.м.

“Hi, Willie" says Monigan, breez
into the small, shabby apartment w
O'Sullivan and me close behind hi
and the endless stream of amusing ch
ter is switched on again, with Monigan
commenting on the decor and on the
lack of heat and asking what Willie pays
for rent and asking how old Willie is
and observing (continued on page 188)

article By DAN GREENBURG

ILLUSTRATION BY CHARLES SHIELDS

РНОТОСВАРНҮ
BY MARIO CASILLI

we really know

how to pick 'em;
blonde bombshell
dorothy stratten,
compiling a sheaf

of film and tv credits,
is shaping up as one
of the decade's
brightest new stars

Born and raised in Vancouver,
British Columbia, Dorothy

С ten first came to our
attention in 1978, during

our Great Playmate Hunt.

LAYMATE of the Year? Are you sure?" Dorothy Stratten asked in disbelief when we told her
the good news, that out of 12 terrific gatefold girls, she had been chosen by rrAvsov's
editors to be the Eighties’ first Playmate of the Year. Even after we reassured her that it was
indeed, true, the reality of it still did not quite sink in. But then, ever since she graced our
gatefold last August, Dorothy has been living in what can best be described as a Holly-
wood fairy tale, so she’s no stranger to feelings of disbelief. Her career as an actress, a
career that began only one short year ago, has proceeded with the velocity of a whirlwind
and put the name Dorothy Stratten in solid position as one of the few emerging film god-

desses of the new decade. In Hollywood, where countless thousands of aspiring actresses compete for even the

smallest of roles, Dorothy has, in a short time, amassed a list of credits that sounds as if she’s been hoofing the pave-

ment for at least ten years. A few excerpts from the scenario: Fade in to Vancouver, (text concluded on page 227)

“The first thing I plan to do with
my Playmate of the Year money is
buy some property,” says Dorothy.
“A place roomy enough for a lot
of pets.” Knowing of Dorothy's love
of animals, PLAYBOY included.
among her gifts a Shih Tzu puppy
(pictured with Dorothy below
left), which she named Marston
(ш ich also happens to be

ugh M. Hefner's middle name).

“Hollywood hasn't changed my values or my A
personality, but it has certainly made me wiser. I've
174 gained five years of experience in 18 months.”

“Love is my first priority—it's a home to retreat to after the rigors of the day.
If you're involved in the movic business, it’s not easy to keep a relationship going.”

gen IE

ES " hi iif "
Ese а чыз root ые. Чайын m
peace oj mind are its two most important ingredients.”

PLAYBOY

“Hey, Taki, I need a little excitement in
chapter nine of my autobiography.”

the land of cocaine

Far across the sea from Spain

Lies the land they call Cocaine.

No other land beneath the sun
Provides such goodness, wealth and fun.
Heaven's merry, true and bright,

But yet Cocaine's a fairer sight;

For what is there in heaven to see

Save green grass and shrubbery?
Heaven's joy I shan't dispute,

But there's nought to eat but fruit.
There are no taverns and, what's worse,
There's only water for your thirst!

In Cocaine, you eat and drink
Without a waste of time to think.
The wine is clear, the meat is prime,
Breakfast, lunch or suppertime.
Verily, this truth I tell,

Cocaine is the nonpareil

Of all your countries; only she
Supplies such boundless jollity.
There's no fly or flea or louse

To vex your clothing, bed or house,
Nor is there thunder, sleet or hail,
No vile worm or slimy snail.

There is neither wind nor rain.
Everybody feels no pain.

O land of glee without a care!

Oh, happy those who settle there,
Where the rivers, great and fine,
Flow honey, oil, sweet milk and wine.
For water's uses there are two:
Bathing and a pleasant view;

Or, perhaps, to quench the root

Of the tree that bends with fruit.

And there are birds of every pale,

The throstle, thrush and nightingale;

Green woodpecker and the lark

Grow fat on berries and sweet bark

And praise Cocaine with all their
might,

Singing through the day and night.

There are other birds, to wit,

Geese precooked and on the spit,

That fly to table from the pot

And call, “Goose, goose! All hot! All
hot!”

Pausing just to dress themselves

With garlic from the pantry shelves,

While larks so juicy, fat and young

Drop like candy on your tongue.

Golden, delicately done,

Spiced with clove and cinnamon.

As for your wine, no need to call:

Reach out and take it! That is all.

Inan abbey ona height
Live monks who wear the gray and white,
And when these monks arise for Mass,
All the windowpanes of glass

Shine like crystal, clear and bright,
Giving them more kindly light.

And when the Masses have been said
And all the books aside are laid,

Back to glass the crystal goes

And through it only faint light glows.
The young monks, after meals each day,
Make their way outside to play.

There’s no graceful hawk that flies

a13th Century French poem

Swifter through the endless skies

Than these young monks, high as they
please

In their full hoods and outstretched
sleeves.

When the abbot sees them fly,

It brings a twinkle to his eye,

But he must signal, stern and strong,

So they'll land for evensong.

But they do not heed his words,

Soaring off like startled birds.

Thus, when the abbot sees that he

Is not obeyed, across his knee,

Up he turnsa local maid,

With all her lily tush displayed,

And drums a message with his hand,

Calling them to come and land.

When the monks behold this sight,

Allaround the wench their flight

Begins to circle as they spot

Their favorite roost, her downy twat.

Easing in, they tightly perch

Outside the doors of Mother Church

And come to make their true confession

In a straight and long procession.

Another abbey lies nearby,
A great and lovely nunnery,

Just by the river of sweet milk,

Ina fair place of spice and silk.

Ona sunny summer day,

The young nuns come outside to play
And lay aside their heavy habits—
All unguarded by their abbess!
Wading farther from her care,

They remove their underwear,

And now, as naked as they wish,

ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD HDLLAND

Ribald Classic

They swim as skillfully as fish.

Slowly down the stream they glide,
While young monks at the riverside
Begin expectantly to flock.

Each one leaves behind his frock,
Picks a nun and quickly hoists her

On his shoulder to the cloister

To teach her a new catechism

With up-and-down iambic rhythm.
Monks who would be valiant studs
And who correctly wear their hoods
Shall have, with neither guilt nor fear,
Twelve such postulants each year,

Not by grace but by all right

Due reward for their delight.

And that one monk who sleeps the best
And takes most pleasure from his rest?
Satan's fork shall never stab at

This holy man: He'll be next abbot!

Thus, ye who wish to see Cocaine
Must endure a trial by pain:
Seven summers you must sit
Ina pile of piggy shit
That reaches slightly past your chin—
And after that, we'll let you in!
O ye good and worthy men,
We pray no fatal accident
Will keep you from this holy penance—
Sweet Cocaine could stand more
tenants!

Once you're in, we lock the door
And you're here forevermore!
Pray God to cleanse you of your sin,
For sainted Charity, Amen!

— Translated and adapted

by R. S. Gwynn

8 181

PLAYBOY

HOLYWERD кые» page 19)

“Thompson ran for sheriff on the promise that if
elected, he’d allow his deputies to eat mescaline.”

motorcycle thugs, and the cinematic
übilities seemed endless—and very
Am п.

Universal especially liked the part
about the low budget, which meant
around $4,000,000, because the studio ac-
countants figured that when the movie
was through in the theaters, it could be
sold to television for at least $3,000,000,
and then about the only way they could
lose money on the deal would be for
someone to hold up their wheelbarrow
on the way to the bank.

Linson was producing the movie, and
he was a good bet, too. He was 37 years
old and had made three feature films, one
of which was Car Wash, a certifiable
monster on which he'd spent $2,000,000,
from which Universal got back about
$10,000,000. That gave him a certain
amount of juice in the negotiations,
and when he told them he wanted to
direct this one as well as produce it,
they said fine and gave him the money
to buy the screen rights.

‘Thompson took their check and told
them he had been through that before
and didn't believe the movie would ever
be made, which was fine with him, he
said. Linson assured him he was wrong
this time. He was proud of his rep-
utation for getting unlikely stories
and characters onto film, and he told
"Thompson that he was about to hire
a screenwriter and that the three of
them ought to meet in Colorado to
see if they liked one another enough
to go ahead.

Kaye was the writer. He and Linson
had gone to school together at Berkeley,
and they had collaborated on two mov-
ies. Neither Rafferty and the Gold Dust
Twins nor American Hot Wax was par-
ticularly successful, but Linson and Kaye
worked well together—which was going
to be especially important on this one,
because, along with the usual wind shifts
and tide changes that worry every Holly-
wood production, they'd be dealing with
a man who was said to be a dangerous
loon who could turn on them at any
moment and blow their project to rags.
The only thing they knew for sure was
that he would spend the money they
gave him.

So the two of them had come to Aspen
to take their iffy deal one more careful
step: to meet the famous inventor of
Gonzo Journalism on his own turf, to
stay up late with him, to hang out at the
Hotel Jerome and get a little twisted,

182 maybe. To see if the outrageous behav-

ior they had read about and heard about
was real or just the product of an im-
agination that had stayed too long at
the pharmacy.

Kaye was skeptical. He had read Fear
and Loathing in Las Vegas, and the
book about the Hell's Angels, and the one
about the 1972 Presidential campaign;
he knew that thc man who had written
those things had to be somewhat dis-
ordered. But surely the books were
hyperbole. He couldn't be that wild—
could he?

Well, yes he could, it turned out, and
when Kaye tells the story of that first
meeting, he chain-smokes, and fidgets,
and works himself into a nervous sweat
all over again.

Thompson had flown home to Aspen
from Champaign-Urbana. Illinois, where
he had made one of his campus appear-
ances, His mood is never very good after
these so-called lectures, and, in fact, he
often tells his rapt college audiences that
he does these gigs only to pay for his
drugs—that otherwise he hates every-
thing about them. This trip had been
no exception, and he came off the plane
raving to a stranger next to him about
the flight and at least six other things.
He had on a Mexican shirt and his L. L.
Bean walking shorts and his tennis shocs,
and all 63" of him was festooned with
bags and pouches. Linson and Kaye met
him in the waiting area and after quick
introductions, the three of them went
out front to a huge rented Oldsmobile
parked in a loading zone.

“I better drive,” said Thompson. “I
know the roads.” Kaye got in the back
seat, Linson in front. Thompson took
the wheel, started the engine and looked
around, but there was nowhere to go:
They were sandwiched between a parked
xar and an airport shuttle van. Thomp-
son put his head out the window and
yelled over his shoulder, “Move that
fucker!” When there was no response,
he put the car in reverse and rammed
the van. Kaye says he didn't believe what
was happening. Neither did the driver
of the van, who could do nothing but sit
there helplessly with his load of fright-
ened people as they were all pushed
backward by this lunatic smoking а cig-
areue through a holder and looking very
much as if their terror meant nothing
to him. When he had room, Thompson
fishtailed the car through the parking lot
and out onto the road to Woody Creek.

Linson said nothing. He was sitting on
the edge of the seat, his body stiff, his

hands against the dashboard. When
Thompson got the car up near its top
speed, Kaye, who is 2 nervous man any-
way, had to speak. “Hunter,” he said,
“this is insane. You have to slow down.
I've never been with anyone who drives
like this. You're scaring me shitless.

"Don't worry about a thing," said
Thompson. “You're perfectly safe. I'm
prouder of my driving than I am of my
writing. If I spun out on one of these
turns, it would be much more embar-
rassing than anything that could happen
to me ona writing level.”

Saying that, he came out of a wide
turn and opened the machine all the
way up. Then, at 75 miles an hour on a
road marked for 40, they passed a sheriff's
deputy who was parked on the shoulder.

“He must have been fucking aston-
ished,” says Kaye when he tells the story.
“We went past him like a shot. My first
thought was, We're all going to jail. We
had everything in the car: coke, weed,
booze. I sat there thinking, Great. I've
been with this guy for 20 minutes and
I'm history.”

By the time the deputy pulled them
over, they had managed to stuff an open
bottle of Wild Turkey under the seat.
When the cop reached the window,
"Thompson said, "What's wrong?”

"You've committed a very serious
speeding violati id the officer.

"What? Speeding?"

"Let me see your driver's license.”

"Why not?"

While the cop ran the license, and
while Linson and Kaye tried to decide
to whom they would make their tele-
phone calls, Thompson said, “This dep-
uty must be new. Most of them know
me."

‘The men at headquarters knew him,
all right, some of them going back to
1970, when "Thompson himself had run
for sheriff on the promise that if he
were elected, he'd allow his deputies to
eat mescaline on slow days and also
have them tear up the streets of Aspen
with jackhammers and replace the as-
phalt with sod. He shaved his head
and campaigned with an American flag
around his shoulders, and finally. he
came close enough to victory to frighten
a lot of people in the valley, including
himself. Whatever they told the deputy,
he was back from his radio in no time
at all, telling them to move on and to
have a nice day.

"That was my first half hour with
him," says Kaye.

Seventy-two hours later, the boys from
Hollywood, as they were being called
around town, had done about all the
running with Thompson they could
stand. They had barely slept and they
hadn't eaten much, except for some
strawberry mescaline that was working

(continued on page 230)

food and drink Dy EMANUEL GREENBERG

1СЕ CREAM is the generationgap bridge—we all
scream for ice cream. But on occasion, the sophisti-
cated adult palate wants something beyond vanilla,
chocolate or strawberry—spiked ice-cream concoc-
tions laced with pungent whiskeys, redolent rums
and radiant liqueurs. These zingy spirited glaces
could be the greatest stimulus to conviviality since
Alice B. Toklas salted (continued on page 202)

to liven up the long, hotsummer,
try ice creaam—with a kick

COID & SPIKED

PHOTOGRAPHY BY POMPEO POSAR

Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined
That Cigarette Smoking 15 Dangerous to Your Health.

g refreshing

LIGHTS: 11 mg. "tar", 0.8 un HUE : Tl mg. "t
0.9 mg.nicotine, av. е, FTC Report DEC. 70,

LEROY NEMAN

*SKE TCHBOOK:

COCKFIGHTING

IN THE
PHILIPPINES

CockricHTING dates back to 1000
B.C. and until the last century, it
was a favorite gambling pastime of
the English. Today, cockfights are
popular among some Asian and
most Hispanic cultures. They're
illegal in most of the U. S., but in
Latin areas of large American
cities and in many rural areas,

they are still staged secretly. In

the Philippines, Puerto Rico and
Thailand, cockfighting is a big-
league sport. In Manila, large
arenas are devoted to cockfight-
ing and every Sabbath, they're
crammed to hysterical capacity.
Ironically, American-bred fighting
cocks are the most highly esteemed
and are imported from the South-
ern U.S. A feathered gladiator
born to fight and die gloriously,
the noble gamecock is aggressive
and fearless. Once in the pit,
Filipino gamecock handlers get
their steel-spurred warriors ready
for combat by holding them by
their tail plumage and letting
them get just close enough to

peck each other's neck feathers.
When both birds are fighting mad,
they're released and they fly wild-
ly at each other, jumping and
slashing, feathers flying—then,
blood. The winning bird struts
away and boisterously crows in
victory. In contrast to those of the
old English, who revered the fight-
ing cock and never ate it, the los-
ing gamecock in Manila will end
up in a pot of boiling water. —LN.

with а Tradition”
OU TY + тышан

MA COCKPIT

PLAYBOY

GOOD GUYS

(continued from page 166)

“Drunken derelicts and heroin addicts and muggers
and packs of wild dogs roam the streets after dark.”

that Willie is in great shape for a man
of 52, all the while swiftly and profes-
sionally scanning the place for possible
ambushes, and then, quite conversation-
ally, winding up with: “So, Willie, Bar-
bara says you stabbed her in the back—
that true?”

Willie reacts to Monigan's question
with bemused tolerance. “Oh, no, no,
Ah didn’ stab Barbara," he says. "In
fac, Ah only heard about it aíter she
was in the hospital for two days."

Monigan suddenly wheels around and
faces the adjoining bedroom. "Is there
somebody in there?" he says. "Come on
out, I want to talk to you."

Slowly, sheepishly, a huge black wom-
an with а deep scar over her right eye
and a gigantic pair of breasts drifts out
of the darkened bedroom.

“Why, Barbara," says Monigan, "what
are you doing here?"

Barbara looks embarrassed.

“Barbara,” says O'Sullivan, "is this the
man who stabbed you?"

"Oh, no, this not the man," Barbara
mumbles, studying a small speck of lint
on her dressing gown. Willie smiles at
us, apparently satisfied that the confu-
sion has been cleared up.

“Who stabbed you, Barbara?" says
Monigan.

"Somebody in the stre
bara. "Ah don’ know wh

"You said in the hospital that it was
Willie who stabbed you,” says Monigan.
“You said, "Willie stabbed me and I'm
going to cut his heart out’ That's what
you said. You really mean to tell us you
don’t know who stabbed you

Barbara inspects a rip in her gown.
‘There is a longish silence. She sighs.

“Ah knows who stabbed me,” she says
quietly.

Monigan and O'Sull

t me, at Barbara, at Willie.

says Monigan. "OK, then.
just don't do it again. ОК?”
d start back down the six
flights of stinking steps

“Well, it's between the two of them
now," says O'Sullivan to me. “This, by
the way, is not at all an uncommon type
of stabbing.”

2” says Bar-

ап look at each

It is the first night of a threeanonth
period 1 spent riding with cops in the
nth Precinct in Manhattan. D had
started hanging out with homicide cops
in order to research a novel about а mass
murderer and а homicide detective,

188 which is called Love Kills, and 1 had be-

come fascinated with cops in general.
With how they behave and with how
they are not quite like the way they are
portrayed on television and in the mov-
ies. I wanted to find out what they were
really like, and what had made them be-
come cops, and what terrible secrets they
knew about us, and how that knowledge
made them different from the rest of us.
I decided to do my finding out in the
Ninth Precinct in the East Village of
Manhattan.

The Ninth Precinct is a curious blend
of ethnic groups—Dominicans, Lithua-
nians, Ukrainians, Poles, Jews, Puerto
Ricans. It is the New York headquarters
of the Hell's Angels. A few irrationally
optimistic souls have renovated a sprin-
Kling of quaint brownstones in the
neighborhood, but the bulk of the pre-
cinct is wretchedly ugly. The streets
are heaped with putrefying garbage and
abandoned furniture so horrid that even
the destitute couldn't bear to live with it.
Hulks of charred and rusted metal that
were once cars have been stripped of
everything removable and set afire and
are no longer anything at all.

‘Tenement buildings whose stench
would be even worse if there were any
heat are filled with people who must
wear overcoats in their apartments and
keep the gas jets lit on the stove all day
and all night for warmth. Drunken dere-
licts and heroin addicts and muggers and
packs of wild dogs roam the empty
strects after dark. Seven police officers
have been killed in this precinct in the
past few years, more than in any other
precinet in New York.

The Ninth Precinct station house is
located at 321 East Fifth Streec. It hap-
pens to be the one they used on Kojak.

Monigan and O'Sullivan work out of
the Ninth Precinct Detective Unit,
which is quartered on the second floor in
a grimy institutional-green squad room
that Jooks like it was painted during the
Boer War. Huddled along onc wall are
five olive-drab steel desks, each sporting
a broken manual typewriter and a steel
chair with foam upholstery coming out
of its vinyl seat.

A temporary-detention cell called а
cage stands at one end of the longish
squad room. At the opposite end is the
office of "Fast Eddy" Mamet, the one-
legged Jewish squad commander of
the Ninth Precinct Detective Unit
and Monigan and O'Sullivan's boss.

Licutenant Mamet lost his leg in an
off-duty accident after 16 years of work-

ing the worst cime areas in the city
without a major injury. He now uses an
artificial limb that continues to be a rich
source of amusement to his rough-and-
tumble crew: Cartoons featuring one-
legged men are taped to the walls. And
a couple of Christmases ago, they affec-
tionately nailed an old wooden leg with
a trouser and shoe on it to the doorframe
of Mamet's office, with a hatchet sticking
out of its top and the whole festooned
with tinsel and Christmas ornaments and
a card that said: “To Fast Eddy, Merry
Xmas from the Mongols.”

Mamet, along with two sergeants and
19 plainclothes detectives, is responsible
for investigating such crimes as are re-
ported in the precinct, apprehending
the perpetrators, or “perps,” as they are
called, and putting together enough evi-
dence to lock them up and have them
prosecuted by the district attorney.

In my three months at the Ninth Pre-
cinct, I rode with Mamet's plaindothes
detectives in unmarked cars as they in-
vestigated crimes already committed: I
rode with the uniformed patrolmen in
their marked cars as they answered radio
calls about crimes in progress; and I rode
with the AntiCrime Unit—scruffily
dressed semiundercover cops who patrol
in beat-up sedans and old cabs—whose
job it is to stop crimes, if possible, before
they happen.

While I was hanging out in the Ninth
Precinct, I was involved in roughly 60
cases, of which these are but a sampling:

1. A white derelict was slashed by
three black men while being robbed of
25 cents.

2. A black artist slashed his wrists and
bled all over the stairs in his building
but failed to kill himself; he was attend-
cd by his wife and by а neighbor who
last ycar got thrce months in jail for
throwing lye into her boyfriend's face.

3. A large black woman got so mad at
her common-law husband she threw a
full-sized couch down a flight of steps.

4. An elderly white woman in a walk-
er stabbed her black common-law hus-
band to death.

5. Two Hell's Angels raped a 16-year-
old girl.

6. А store owner was shot and stabbed.
in the arm and testicles du obbery.

7. А man was shot five times in the
face with a .25-caliber pistol during a
dispute over drugs.

8. A reward was posted for informa-
tion leading to the arrest of the person

who threw an eight year-old girl off a
th,

roof to her di

9. A radio was bombed by the
F.A.L.N., but nobody was injured.

10. An undercover narcotics cop was
shot in the chest while entering a local
social club, but his bulletproof vest saved
his life.

(continued on page 214)

e
g

ICS CHOKE

THE 25 GREATEST
RESTAURANTS IN AMERICA

in the most ambitious culinary

poll everattempted, playboy asked 120
renowned restaurateurs, chefs, gourmets
and food writers to select their favorite
american restaurants. the results

are in: eat your heart out

article BY DICK BRASS

HIS IS IT, GASTRONOMES! This is the only res-
taurant guide you'll need this year. This is
the guides’ guide, the critics’ choice, the chefs’
secret. The last word. Let us explain

Although Americans now spend 87 billion dollars
at $20,000 catcrics each year, great confusion
abounds—even among food experts—about the top
spots. In France, of course, most diners abide by the
rankings of the famous Guide Michelin or Le Nouveau
Guide. But until now, there has not been a definitive
authority on American dining. Our local guides are
too, well, local. The national travel books rarely
rank restaurants. There are plenty of restaurant
awards, but few of them impress gourmets. And the
gourmet magazines, with few exceptions, review only
their advertisers.

Asa result, it’s not easy to find the best restaurants
this land has to offer. Greatness, clearly, is part of the
problem: A thorough dining survey here might take
years and a small army of inspectors.

But pLaysoy wanted the survey. So we recruited an
army—120 of the world's most formidable food au-
thorities: the finest chefs, the most respected restau-
rant critics, successful restaurant owners, wine experts,
cookbook authors, knowledgeable amateurs and the
hospitality industry's elder statesmen. In gencral, the
folks who actually know and regularly visit America's
best restaurants, including cookbook king James
Beard, famed French chefs Paul Bocuse and Jean
Troisgros, New York Times food editor Craig Clai-
borne and—to eliminate any regional bias—experts
from more than two dozen cities. (True, we missed

PLAYBOY's expert jury rated New York's Lutéce the number-
one restaurant in America. Owner-chef André Soltner, arms
folded, and his staff turn out spectacular fare: salmon en
croûte, fresh California asparegus, roast duck and lamb.

191

а few. For example, New Orleans
controversial restaurant writer Rich-
ard Collin thought the whole idea
was a terrible one. TV's French Chef,

gard to price or location?" We asked
for their favorites, rather than the
"best," because not everyone felt qual-
ified to pass judgment on the best—

or even to define the word. But almost
everyone, with a bit of thought, had

Julia Child, liked the idea—but not
PLAYBOY.)

Each was asked: "What are your favorites. —R Andby asking the best
five favorite restaurants in America, judges f) their favorites, we
in order of preference, without re- figured Й) we'd get the top

Commander's Palace, number 18 in PLAYBOY's ranking of great American restaurants,
жаз built in New Orleans’ Garden District 90 years ago by Emile Commander. Formerly
a lovers’ rendezvous, Commander's now serves what may be America’s finest brunch.

- Lutèce, New York, New York
. Le Français, Wheeling, Illinois
. The Four Seasons, New York, New York
. L'Ermitage, Los Angeles, California
j. La Caravelle, New York, New York
j. Le Perroquet, Chicago, Illinois
. Chez Panisse, Berkeley, California
. The Coach House, New York, New York
‘The "21" Club, New York, New York
. Ma Maison, Los Angeles, California
- Maisonette, Cincinnati, Ohio
. La Grenouille, New York, New York
|. The Palace, New York, New York
14. Windows on the World, Ncw York, New York
. Le Bec Fin, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
16. Ernie's, San Francisco, California
. Trattoria da Alfredo, New York, New York
. Commander's Palace, New Orleans, Louisiana
. The Mandarin, San Francisco, California
. Le Lion D'Or, Washington, D.C.
. London Chop House, Detroit, Michigan
Jack's Restaurant, San Francisco, California
. Fournou's Ovens, San Francisco, California
24.25. L'Orangerie, Los Angeles, California
24.25. Tony's, Houston, Texas

THE TOP

AMERICAS
QREATEST
RESTAURANTS

restaurants. To be sure, we got a few
quirky replies. But with about 600
nominations in the survey, a single
choice—or even ten—doesn't count
too much. For that reason, we let
restaurateurs vote for their own res-
taurants (about 65 percent did).

‘The quest in all this, of course, is
a consensus of our experts’ opin-
ions—an authoritative ranking of
America’s best restaurants. How do
we do it? Alas, we discovered, there
is no single right way to calculate a
consensus. In fact, according to “The
Impossibility "Theorem" by Nobel
Prize-winning economist Kenneth
Arrow, all voting systems have flaws.

But after consulting Arrow, and
various mathematicians, we opted for
a voting method that considers both
a restaurant's frequency of mention
and its position of choice. Most im-
portant is how many experts name
the place; but there's also a small
bonus if a restaurant places well on
a given expert's list. That way, ten
fifth places count for more than a few
first places. And a few epicures cannot

Windows on the World, atop New York's
World Trade Center, offers fine desserts,
even finer views. In fact, its pastry chef
wos topped for White House service.

vote to propel an unpopular restau-
rant to the top of the heap. The win-
ners, generally, are broadly favored
What follows, then, are the great-
est restaurants in America, as near as
ballots and 120 talented tongues can

discern. Obviously, not every result
will please every critic. And, clearly,
older establishments (such as New
York's "21" Club) will have an edge
over new and less familiar spots (such

“American” food brought fame to The Coach House
New York's Greenwich Village, but it serves more
thon apple pie. Here, o roost rib of beef and striped
bass Mediterranean—with clams, shrimps and mussels.

as Los Angeles’ L'Orangerie). French
food seems to dominate, but not com-
pletely. Many of America’s best chefs
still hail from France. And big cities,
such as New York, are blessed, be-
cause that's where the money and the
customers are.

Speaking of money, none of these
restaurants is cheap. Barring a col-
lapse of the dollar since presstime,
you should plan to spend at least
$100 to $200 for two at dinner, de-
pending on your lust for liquor and
lobster. There аге exceptions: The
Palace will cost you closer to $400 for
two. Chez Panisse, Jack's Restaurant
and The Mandarin should certainly
cost you $75 or less; Trattoria da Alfre-
do, $50 or less, including everything.
Most of these spots take one sort of
credit card or another, except for Chez
Panisse, Trattoria da Alfredo, Jack's

and Le Bec-Fin. Jeans and casual
dress are OK at Chez Panisse, The
Mandarin and Trattoria da Alfredo.
Elsewhere, dress for church. Reser-
vations. by the way. are essential
just about everywhere.

1. LUTECE—249 East
50th Street, New York,
New York (212-752.
2225). In the collective
opinion of PLAYBOY'S
gourmet panel, André
Soltners Lutéce is the
top restaurant in Amer-
ica. Named after the an
cient name for Paris, it's
located in an elegant
Manhattan brownstone.
Paul Bocuse, France's
most celebrated chef,
considers it his State-
side favorite. Jean Trois-
gros, one of Bocuse's
few French culinary
peers, sent his son there
to work. Burton Wolf,
co-author of Where to
Eat in America, thinks
“Lutéce is the closest to
dassic French cooking.”
Food critics Gael Greene
and Seymour Britchky,
not to mention former
White House chef Réné
Verdon, love it.

Indeed, so many of
the food experts we
polled mentioned Lu-
се among their five
favorites that it virtually
sautéed the competition,
handily topping the score of the first
runner-up, Wheeling, Illinois Le
Francais.

OK, you say, what makes this place
so good? Five things. basically:

PLAYBOY's panel rated Le Francais restau-
ront in Wheeling, Illinois, number two in
America: handsome decor, orgasmic food.

The old lamppost outside Monhattan’s
"21" Club recalls the doys when the place
wes a popular speak-easy. Drinks ore
legal now, but the famous still flock here.

Skill: A great restaurant—a world-
class restaurant—stands or falls on
its food. At 47, André Soltner is not
merely skillful: he's a culinary ath-
lete in his prime. In all of America,
in the entire 87-billion-dollar restau-
rant industry there are probably
no more than a dozen chefs in his
league.

Now, it's more or less true that
great chefs are born, not made, and
Soltner was born in the Alsatian
town of Thann. Alsace, of course,
borders Germany. And Alsatian chefs
are said to combine French creativity
with German discipline. Anyway,
that’s what Alsatians say.

By the time a suave cosmetics heir
named André Surmain decided to
open Lutéce at his New York town
house in 1961, Soltner had spent
more than a dozen years behind
various stoves. He was an accom-
plished baker. His sauces were like
satin. He could roast perfectly. He
understood fish. He was one of
France's finest young chefs and head
chef at Paris’ popular Chez Hansi.

Surmain brought Soltner to New
York. He paid him just $95 a week,
but Soltner stole the show. He made
America’s lightest puff pastry and
filled it with poached oysters and
crab. He served definitive snails,
each one baked in a tiny clay crock.
He tamed a trite beef Wellington

193

PLAYBOY

194

and turned it into a magnificent individ-
ual filet mignon en croüte. By 1965,
Soltner owned 30 percent of Lutéce. In
1972, he bought out his boss.

Creativity: Monsieur Soltner is a rest-
less chef, which works well for the
customer. The savory snails and beef
that made him famous are still on the
menu, but the daily specials feature
more and more of the lighter nouvelle
cuisine. One day, you discover, there's
striped bass poached in seaweed. Or a
breath-takingly light, warm sweetbread
salad. Or sea urchins, simmered and
served in their shells. All right: The
salmon appetizer comes in a cream
sauce. This isn't Weight Watchers.

Quality: None of this, of course,
would work if the food were second-rate.
Lutéce's wonderful roast duck comes
with fruits de saison. During peach
season, it's peaches. When the fresh
raspberries come in, it’s duck with rasp-
berries. Even the lemons served with tea
are perfect ће most intensely fragrant
lemons my nose knows.

Service: The service at Lutèce is
egalitarian; newcomers do not get the
cold shoulder. Anyone who can afford
to spend $100 on а dinner for two is a

valued customer. Come back four times
and you're an old friend.

"The staff numbers 35, including chef
de cuisine Christian Bertrand, eight
waiters, two bus boys and three captains.
ormly polite and atten-
tive. The captains are remarkably famil-
iar with the 20,000-bottle collection of
fine French wines, from the ten-dollar
muscadet to the S800 Chateau Lafite-
Rothschild 1890. On many nights, Solt-
ner solicits the food orders himself.

Atmosphere: Horn & Hardart, the
automat folks, used to advertise that
“you can’t eat atmosphere.” And that's
true. But there's nothing wrong with the
ambience at Lutéce. As you walk into the
narrow town house, there's a little bar.
Nearby, Madame Soltner presides over
the reservation list. Farther in, past the
bustling kitchen, a few large, quiet
tables аге nestled. Beyond them, a
bright garden room offers slate floors,
wicker chairs, trellises and a huge sky-
light. Upstairs, the rooms are furnished
like private ig chambers: thick car-
peting, period furniture, long curtains.
Both floors hold only about 80 diners.

Lutéce serves dinner Monday through
Saturday. lunch Tuesday through Fri-
day. It's closed Saturdays in June and

“Tell me, young man ... can you support my daughter
on what a zombie makes?”

July. The prix fixe luncheon costs $18.
ner diners should plan to spend at
least $100 for two, with main courses
alone ranging between $16.50 and S18.
During August, the re: nt closes for
several weeks. During winter, Soltner,
who hates heat, likes to get away from
the stove [or a weck of skiing.

2, LE FRANCAIS—269 South Mil-
waukee Avenue, Wheeling, Illinois
(312-541-7470). From the outside, this
looks like your average Maison de la
Sunday Dinner suburban French res-
taurant. But inside, there's a plush din-
ing room, slick service and the genius
of a chef even other chefs consider a
genius. The chef (and owner) is Jean
Banchet. He makes a lobster sausage
that's worth dying for. The intensity of
his soups and sauces borders on psyche-
deli. Even the mixed páté appetizer
boasts eight spreads—everything from
mple pork to mousse of goose. Always.
it scems, there are a dozen specials. And
the waiter won't just recite them; he'll
show them to you: tender roast pheas-
ant on a bed of honey-sweet crisp cab-
bage. Dover sole and lobster mousse en
стоше. Can't decide? Try the stuffed-
veal and stuifed-capon combination
plate. But save room for the homemade
sorbets, because if there's any problem
with the food here it's one of excess.
Trained in superchef Paul Bocuse's
kitchen, Banchet (we're proud to say)
first came to America to cook for
the Playboy Resort at Lake Geneva,
Wisconsin. Today, he's surely the rising
star of American dining. And he's only
39. Altogether, Le Frangais is well
worth the hour's drive from Chicago.

3. THE FOUR SEASONS—99 East
52nd Street, New York, New York
(212-754-9194). This is a vast, dramatic
place and the best large restaurant
in America, Its design, by Philip John-
son, includes a famous bubbling pool
and threestory windows alive with
shimmering metallic curtains. The cui-
sine is usually as impressive as the
decor: The kitchen turns out a de-
finitive rack of lamb and splendid roast
duck. At lunch, New York's power
brokers dine here, in season on the hot
pheasant salad or the equally excellent
wilted spinach and bacon. The wine
cellar is stocked with an impressive col-
lection of American vintages, some of
them under ten dollars at presstime.
The menu changes four times a year,
hence the name. The decline apparent
here a few years ago has been reversed:
partners Tom Margittai and Paul Kovi
deserve a lot of credit.

4. L'ERMITAGE—730 North La
Cienega Boulevard, Los Angeles, Cali-
fornia (213-652-5840). Inside L'Ermitage,
freeway Los Angeles disappears. Spa-
cious parlor rooms boast huge tables
and an abundance of sterling, crystal

[44 5 “I'm not easily satisfied with
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more

More. For that extra
measure of satisfaction.

Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health.

21 то. "tar", 1.8 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method.

PLAYBOY

and fresh flowers. Chef-owner Jean Ber-
tranou has made the most of the Pa-
cific Coast's natural bounty: The moist
and utterly greaseless salmon is smoked
right at the restaurant. Puff pastry
comes stuffed with poached sea urchin.
Fresh squab are filled with chopped
veal and mushrooms. Local fruits are
transformed into intense sorbets. The
service is properly attentive. The wine list
is expensive and mostly French. Unfor-
tunately, Bertranou is ill and hospital-
ized as we go to press; his staff and
associates seem to be doing a creditable
job without him.

5. LA CARAVELLE—33 West 55th
Street, New York, New York (212-
586-4252). Now almost 20 years old,
this is the classic “New York French res-
taurant"—red upholstery, tightly packed
tables, pastel murals, crystal etched with
a tiny caravel. Chef Roger Fessaguet
has been president of the professional
chefs’ association here and his kitchen
still turns out solid standards: snails,
pété, mussel soup, roast duck in a
creamy pepper sauce, fine Channel sole,
feather-light quenelles (pike dumplings),
plus daily specials, The staff tries to
please, but, frankly, sometimes the place
seems a bit noisy and harried. A dish
now and then will fail. It's still a fine
restaurant; be sure to order a dessert
soufflé early in your meal.

6. LE PERROQUET—70 East Wal-
ton Street, Chicago, Illinois (312-944-
7990). Owner Jovan Trboyevic is the
grand admiral of Chicago restaurateurs;
you get to his third-floor flagship by
private elevator. The dining room is
bright and cheerful. The service is pol-
ished. The food is clever, much of it
faultless. The salmon mousse is rich
and light. Le Perroquet serves silky lob-
ster bisque. It imports fine smoked sal-
mon. The entree are interesting:
poached baby lamb, delicate pink sliv-
€rs of roast vcal, luscious duck. OK:
On one visit, the lotte in sea-urchin
sauce was a bit too salty. The pre-
served goose seemed a touch dry. This
is a serious restaurant, folks. It takes
chances, It's worth visiting.

7. CHEZ PANISSE—1517 Shattuck
Avenue, Berkeley, California (415-548-
5525). In a residential district just off
the Berkeley campus, chef Alice Waters
has been polishing her version of what
you might call hippie haute cuisine
since 1972. The house is a simple wood-
accented affair; the food is fantastic.
Downstairs, she serves a lavish five-course
feast (set price: $15-$1850). A typical
menu might start with black caviar.
Then comes homemade buckwheat noo-
dles in a creamy goat-cheese sauce. The
main dish is charcoal-broiled marinated
duck, with grilled tomatoes and rosemary
baked potatoes. Plus green salad and
fruit. Miss Waters has been known to re-

196 create famous feasts from the past. And

there is an annual garlic festival. Up-
stairs, this summer, Panisse plans to
operate a bistro.

8. THE COACH HOUSE—110 Wa-
verly Place, New York, New York (212-
777-0303). Set in a Greenwich Village

ТОЧ WONT @О
WRONG HERE, EITHER

These fine restaurants missed our
list—but not by much. All of them
were well regarded, but some were
up against stiff local competition.
Some are off the main trail. A few
are new and relatively unfamiliar.

Bern's Steak House—Tampa—6500
different wines!

Box Tree—New York City—Cute,
romantic, Continental

Café Chauveron—North Miami
Beach—Fine New York French, trans-
planted

Dodin-Bouffant—New York City—
Daring nouvelle cuisine

La Bourgogne—San Francisco—
Bay Area haute cuisine

La Tulipe—New York City—Gour-
met staffer Sally Darr turns gourmet
chef

Le Chantilly—New York City—
First-class French

Le Cirque—New York City—More
first-class French

Le Cygne—New York City—Still
more first-class French

Le Lavandou—New York City—
And even more first-class French

Le Ruth’s—Gretna, Louisiana—If
Paul Bocuse cooked Creole

Michael's—Santa — Monica—L.A.’s
rave new wave

The Other Place—Seattle—Home-
grown game

Oyster Bar & Restaurant—New
York City—H it swims, it's here in
Grand Central Station

René Verdon's Le Trianon—San
Francisco—Kennedys White House
chef

Scandia—Los Angeles—Wacky, am-
bitious Norse fare

Shun Lee Palace—New York City—
Gael Greene's favorite Chinese

"Tadich = Grill—San — Francisco—
Fresh Pacific seafood

town house, with leather chairs and
walls crowded with paintings, this place
has developed a reputation for great
American food, though the menu boasts
such American dishes as escargots de
Bourgogne and veal piccate à la Fran-
gaise. Maybe it's the American chicken
pie. The Coach House turns out con-
sistently. fine black-bean soup. roast

beef and rack of lamb. The striped
bass is almost always breath-takingly
fresh. Owner Leon Lianides is justly
proud of his homemade chocolate cake
and his dacquoise. Good service, a better-
than-average selection of American wines
at (more or less) reasonable prices.

9. THE "21" CLUB—21 West 52nd
Street, New York, New York (212-582-
7200). Frankly, we were surprised this
restaurant ranked as high as it did;
the food is often artless. But here is
proof that a great restaurant can mangle
fine provisions as long as everything
else is perfect. This former speak-easy’s
many loyal defenders admit its flaws
and love the clubby atmosphere, de-
voted service and aging appointments.
For example, Vic Bergeron, who owns
"Trader Vic's, says it's his favorite res-
taurant in America. Straightforward,
simple dishes are usually the best bets,
especially the seafood and the beef. Prime
seating is in the downstairs bar; from
its ceiling dangle model planes and
trucks sporting the company logos of
the tycoons who dine here.

10. MA MAISON-—8368 Melrose Ave-
nue, Los Angeles, California (213-655.
1991). Just six years old, Ma Maison
is part of the Los Angeles restaurant
renaissance that includes L'Ermitage.
"The owner and host is Patrick Terrail,
enfant terrible of a famous French
restaurant family. Pat's easy to recog-
nize: He wears striped suits, a red car-
nation and clogs. By day, Hollywood
gathers beneath his lawn-party-tented
terrace for some of the most spectacular
salads in town, induding an unsur-
passed mixture of baby shrimps, scal-
lops and crawfish with fresh local
legumes. There's seafood páté and fish
en croüte, steak and rich desserts. At
night, the action moves inside to the
main restaurant, a ramshackle bunga-
low decorated with Terrail's memora-
bilia, including empty five-pound caviar
tins. The duck comes in two courses:
the breast first, with pears, then the
leg, with salad. Good service and inter-
esting wines. For some reason, the
phone number is unlisted.

1. MAISONETTE-—114 East Sixth
Street, Cincinnati, Ohio (513-721-2260).
This is a culinary oasi a region
better known for great ribs than for
grand restaurants. The decor is lavish;
the service is quick and sophisticated.
The food, frankly, is not nearly so
good as at Lutéce or Le Francais. But
for a medium-sized city in the west,
it's memorable. Start with the snails or
the mussel soup (the quenelles and the
seafood pancake can be rather heavy).
The duck. is popular—breast meat is
sliced, with kiwi and orange; mallards
are roasted with goose liver and cognac.
Sure, the rack of lamb has more fat

(continued on page 256)

w- P «^
er wan |

“Tt looks like a Tia Maria night, ==

The sky has turned that
gorgeous shade of amber
and copper. It reminds you
of other evenings begun
this way.
It reminds yowof
Tia Maria, the delicious
imported liqueur that's the
color of a delicious sunset.
Tia Maria—smooth and
soothing. Its color is to its
taste what sunset is to night.
A glowing promise of
what's to come.
Send for tempting Tia Maria recipes,

W.A. Taylor, 825 S. Bayshore Dr.,
Miami, Florida 33131.

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PLAYHB

202

COND ERU uec edm

“Alcohol makes for a smoother texture; of course,
that’s not the prime reason to spike ice cream.”

nabi:

y not

the fudge with € They n
be as heady as Alice's dosed confection,
but the flavor will sure as hell blow your
mind.

There are several ways of combining
spirits and ice cream. A simple, satisfac
tory тео і is to infuse a sauce, syrup

lay it on the cn
te liqueur over a scoop
m— pouring directly from the
bottle. Whiskey. brandy. rum or liqueur
can also be whipped into store-bought
ike cream. Be sure to use a quality
cream and let it soften а bit. belore
beating in the spirit. And. of course, if
you start from scratch, the spirit is one

of the basic ingredients incorporated in

the making.

When marrying spirits with ice cream.
the trick is to pair compatible flavors. A
chocolate aficionado would add crème
de cacao to chocolate ice cream to in-
tensify the chocolate taste. Most. people
prefer the subtleties of contrasting fla-
vors. For openers, you might try triple

sec ог ème de cassis with vanilla: rum,
hish whiskey or anisette with coffee icc
acam: bourbon over chocolate, vanilla

nd peach: and amaretto on butter pecan
nd other nut г rsch is a suave
ddition to any fruittlavored ice cream
and, surprisingly, to chocolate.
There's a persistent illusion that hoi
made ice cream is better, by del
Well, it can be superb, but it can
be gr n too dense, flat or drizzled with
salt from the freezing mixture, if one is
careless. If you want to give it a go, we
n electric ice-cream maker that
These com-
te a lot of cranking and
motor stops automati-
е cream is ready.
on to flavor and body,
pros judge ісе «теат on its meli
quality. They look for an even, creamy
melt. The product shouldn't water, froth
or form narrow channels down the sides.
Ice cream that resists melting is also
suspect. Dairy Field, an industry maga-
zine, contends that ice cream is often
served too hard. “Cold blunts taste.
There's more flavor release, and more
sensuous pleasure, when ice cream is at
the malleable stage—easily spooned." In-
ly. adding spirits helps in that
Alcohol retards freezing and
kes for a smoother, solter texture. Of

ope
pact jobs elimin
fussing, and thi
cally when the

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ng

ma
course, that’s not the prime reason to
spike ice cream. Flavor is—as you'll see

in the offer follow.

CHOCOLATE AMARETTO токтом
(Serves eight)

1 cup cach: sugar, water, amaretto
(or chocolate amaretto liqueur)

1 cup semisweet chocolate pieces (6-02.
package)

3 cggs, separated

1 cup heavy cre

14 cup finely chopped toasted almonds

blespoons grated semisweet choco-
late

Combine

п. Br

nto blende ner. Add choco-
e pieces; blend until smooth. Add egg
yolks; continue blending until ve
smooth. Transfer chocolate mixture to
bowl Beat egg whites until stiff, then
whip cream. Add large spoonful of beat
en egg whites to chocolate mixture to
lighten Fold mixti i
egg, whites, then fold in wh
and chopped almonds. Spoon into small
paper or foil cups and freeze. Before
serving, sprinkle with grated chocolate.

Note: If tortonis freeze too still, put
refrigerator for 10 to 15 minutes belore
serving.

PEACHY MERINGUE FREE
(Serves four)

1 pint peach ice cream

3 tablespoons bourbon

2 large ripe peaches, peeled and sliced

1 or 2 teaspoons sugar

ц cup peach-llavored brandy

1 individual meringue

3 tablespoons toasted pecans

Put ice cream in refrigerator for about
10 minutes to soften. Transfer it to
chilled bowl and quickly stir in bourbon
Return to freezer to firm up. Combine
sliced. peaches. sugar and peach-flavored
brandy: stir gently. Chill at least 14
hour. To serve, place meringue shells
in individual dessert coupes and top
cach with scoop bourboned ice cream.
Spoon peaches, with some of syrup, over
and sprinkle with pecans.

Note: Meringue shells are available in
many bakeri

MOCHA PARFAIT SURPRISE
(Serves six to eighty

1 quart chocolate-chip ice cream
1 cup heavy cream

2 teaspoons instant-coffee powder
2 teaspoons sug:
6 tablespoons coffee liqui
Chocolate-coffee-bean candies

Softe
while,

powder
to chilled

ice cream in refrigerator. Mean-
whip cream with instant-collce
nd sugar. Transfer ice cream
bowl and quickly fold i

half of whipped cream. te
remaining whipped cream. Pack ice
cream into chilled parl ad
freeze for 1 hour, until firm. Poke

skewer or chopstick down through с
ter of each parfait to make tunnel about
14 in. im diameter. Fill tunnels with
coffee liqueur and top with remaining
whipped cream. Return to freezer for
about 1 hour. Top with chocolate coffee
beans before serving.

Note: This parfait should not be too
stiff. If necessary, transfer to refrigerator
for 10 to 15 minutes before serving.

TROPICAL-FRUIT SUNDAE
(Serves six to eight)

rum

hy pricot preserves

eae size ripe mango, peeled and
sliced

1 medium-size banana, peeled and
sliced

814-07. can crushed pineapple, drained

ed coconut

ange-pinea
(or other fruit flavor

М cup coarsely chopped toasted Mac-

pple ice cre

Stir rum into apricot preserves: mix
well. Gently stir in mango, banana, pinc-
apple and coconut. Scoop ice cream
large wineglasses. Spoon sauce ove
sprinkle with Macadami

CHERRY BOMBE
(Serves about Т.

16-t0-17-07. can or jar dark sweet pitted
ned
plespoons kirsch
plespoon cherry lique
1 quart cherry ог raspberry sherbet.
softened

15 quarts vit ce cream, softened
засе (optional): 10-02. jar cherry
ves mixed with 3 tablespoons

Shop che ate in kirsch
and cherry liqueur for several hours.
hil 2«quart mold or metal bowl. Spread
softened she nly over inside of
mold to form layer about y in. thick,
packing it down with back of large
spoon to eliminate bubbles. Put mold in
freezer until sherbet firm. Transfer
vanilla ice cream to chilled bowl and
quickly stir in chopped cherries w
their liquid. Pack ice cream into center
of mold. Cover sur with foil and re
turn to freezer until very firm. To un
mold, remove foil covering and invert
mold on chilled serving plate. Wipe
outside of mold several times with cloth
wrung out in hot water and then lift
oll If necessary. smooth surface with
knife. Return to freezer until ready to

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serve. Cut in wedges and top with sauce,
if desired.

Note: Sherbet and ice cream pack
down so that 214 quarts can fit nicely
into 2 quart mold. If you have leftovers,
put them in small plastic container and
return to freezer to enjoy another time.

REAL OLD FASHIONED ICE CREAM
(Serves one)

A new approach to the old fashioned
cocktai

me sugar, water

1 oz. whiskey
2 dashes bitter
Small strip orange peel
Large scoop butter-pecan ice cream
Maraschino cherry, orange slice (or
other fru
Muddle sugar and water in small glass
until sugar dissolves. Add whiskey and
bitters; stir well. Twist orange peel over
glass and add. Stir once, then remove
peel. Scoop ice cream into dessert coupe.
Pour whiskey sauce over. Garnish with
fr

POURIT-ON SUNDAE
(Serves six or more)

Figure on 1 pint ice cream for every
3 to 4 people served. Have several flavors
on hand and scoop out balls a couple
of hours before serving. Place ice-cream
balls on trays, cover with plastic wrap
and return to freezer. When ready to
serve, pile multihued ice-cream balls in
chilled clear glass bow] or oversize snifter
and take to table. Accompany with array
of cordials—assorted flavors and colors—
whipped cream, chopped nuts, chocolate
sprinkles; the works. Guests will help
themselves to ice cream, pour on cor-
dials of their choice and add toppings
You can also include a couple of these
quick sauces:

Bourbon Chocolate Sauce: In heavy
saucepan, combine ] cup semisweet
chocolate pieces with 14 cup black collce.
Stir over low heat until melted and
smooth. Add 2 tablespoons bourbon and
3 to 4 tablespoons heavy cream. Serve
warm or at room temperature. (Alter-

“Oh, go ahead! I’m sick and tired
"m

of your suicide threats!

native: Stir 3 tablespoons bourbon into
1 cup bottled chocolate fudge sauce.)

Melba Sauce: Thaw 10-02. package
frozen raspberries. Purée in blender with
9 tablespoons framboise. Strain to re-
move secds.

Minty Mallow: Combine 1 cup marsh-
mallow cream with 8 tablespoons green
créme de menthe. Stir well.

Rum Caramel: Combine 1 cup bottled
caramel or butterscotch sauce with 3
tablespoons rum. Stir well.

COFFEEHOUSE PUNCH
(Serves 20 10 25)

6 cups strong black coffee, freshly

made

1 bottle bourbon or brandy

1 pint heavy cream

3 pins vanilla ice cream, slightly

softened

Cinnamon

Combine coffee, bourbon and cream
in 3-quart pitcher or in 2 smaller pitch-
ers. Chill. When ready to serve, transfer
ice cream to large chilled punch. bowl.
Pour coffee mixture over ice cream and
sur until well blended. Ladle into old
fashioned glasses and dust w
namon.

Note: This punch is bittersweet, since
the only sweetening To
make it sweeter, dissolve 2 to 3 table
spoons su

is ice cream.

in the hot coffee.

COLD BUTTERED RUM
(Serves one)

114 ozs. dark rum

1 large scoop butter-almond ice cream

% cup finely crushed ice

Dash bitters, or to taste

Twist orange peel

Combine all ingredients except orange
peel in blender and blend until almost
smooth. Pour into chilled goblet. С:
nish with orange twist and serve.

PIXILATED STRAWBERRY SODA
(Serves one)

1 tablespoon strawberry preserves
1% ozs. strawberry liqueur

1 tablespoon cream or milk
Chilled club soda

1 scoop strawberry ice cream.

glass; mix well,
Fill glass about 14 with club soda; stir
quickly, then add ice crcam. Slowly add
club soda to fill glass. S a and top
with whipped «cam wberry.

Serve w ws and longdandled
spoon.
An affection for spiked ice cream

spread to the Continent. The current
rage in Rome is Scotch оп vanilla ice
cream. Have some as you hum along
with Rigoletto.

Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined

That Cigarette Smoking ls Dangerous to Your Health.
12 mg. "tar", 0.9 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette, FTC Report Dec. 79. =

Some things just naturally go together.

Seagram's VO.
The symbol of imported luxury. Bottled in Cath.
Enjoy our quality in moderation.
Canadian whisky. A blend of Canada's finest whiskies. 6 years old. 86.8 Proof. Seagram Distillers Co., N. Y.C.

PLAY

OY’S PIPELINE

HOW TO MOVE HASSLE-FREE

TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR

very year, one in five American

families moves. And every year,

thousands feud with their mov-
i companies. In 1979, the Interstate
Commerce Commission (ICC) began a
crackdown on the boys in the van, with
tionwide spot checks to ensure on-
time deliveries and honest. weighings.
But much of the tooth gnashing comes
from the legal curlicues that turn mov-
ng contracts into bear traps. For ex-
ample, since a moving company's
premove estimate need not match the
actual postmove bill, some estimators
bid absurdly low, to set the hook. So
get estimates [rom several van lines and
beware the bargain-basement bid. Of
course, most estimates are honest, but
about half are cither over or under the
charges by at least ten percent. Esti-
mates should be in writing and done
in person, not over the telephone.

COST OVERRUNS

You can affect the estimate yourself by forgetting to show
the estimator everything you're taking. by adding your motor-
cycle at the last minute or by neglecting to tell the estimator
that the crew must deliver goods up or down flights of steps or
use an elevator or that you're shipping a piano, organ or auto-
mobile. And unforeseen charges can pop up, such as for the
fact that the van must park more than 75 [cet from the door
or the crew needs special equipment—all those factors up
the charges significantly.

The big shocker is that movers won't unload even a box of
Chiclets until they're paid. And they refuse personal checks;
many national van lines accept credit cards; otherwise, you
must pay in cash, traveler's checks, cashier's check, money
order or certified check. Fail to pay at delivery
n warehouse your goods (at your expense), cl
for redelivery.

But whatever the final bill, the driver can demand payment
for only 110 percent of the estimate before unloading (with
the balance due within 15 days). So have about 80 percent of
the estimate ready in nonpersonal check, with at least 30
percent more in cash. That way, you'll be ready if the bill
goes over or under the estimate. Be sure to get a receipt.

SMOOTH THE MOVE

ICC regulations cover interstate movers only. On local
moves, make sure you and the mover are square on arrange-
ments. Also, try to avoid peak periods: May through Septem-
ber and the beginning or end of any month. Local movers
may charge more then, snarl-ups are more frequent.

Movers aren't automatically liable for the full value of lost
or damaged goods. You pay extra for that protection. Ej
then, you must prove negligence. However, your homeowner's
policy may cover your possessions during a move. Or your
if it’s paying for the move—may have you covered.
se, consider buying special coverage for the move

from your insurance agent.

Before loading, a mover will inven-
tory your possessions, marking each
em's physical condition. If you think
any of his evaluations are off, note
your dissent on the inventory sheet
before signing, so you'll be covered for
damage claims that might later result.

Also, check the bill of lading, your
ith the van line, which lists
the tare weight—the truck's weight
(gas tank full) before your shipment
is added. After loading, the driver will
reweigh the van on a public scale to
figure the weight of your goods. You
Can witness that ceremony to make sure
the driver is the only extra poundage
aboard. If you miss the weighin and
have su ns, you can demand a re
weighing at the other end of the trip.
1f the scale reads at least 120 pounds
lighter (or 25 percent heavier) than
inal weight, the company pays for the reweighing.
Otherwise, you do.

DELIVERY DITHERS

A sour note is often delivery. Instead of specifying a date,
movers usually give you a “delivery spread,” a period of a
few days to over a week. Throughout the spread period, you're
on two-hour notice to receive the goods, whenever the van
deigns to appear. If you want delivery after five р.м. you pay
the overtime. But if, as a convenience to the van line, the
driver suggests a Saturday or Sunday delivery, you pay nothing
extra if you agree. And if the driver can't make the del very
spread, he must notify you in advance, with the company
covering your resulting expenses.

The move will be smoothest if you and the van driver keep

touch. Make sure he has several numbers where he can
reach you. And get his name, shipment number, van number
and route in advance.

An option is expedited service: For
get a definite delivery d;
extra charge
penalty.

On delivery, sign no papers u ve checked all your
goods, noting on the inventory or receipt any items missing
If you
Can't check each box, item by item, at least check any boxes
that look dam:
the beginning by asking your mover to provide tl
ICC brochur
responsibilities, along with the latest company perfor
report. If you think you're реш
the move, the ICC has a toll-free compl
194-9312.

Renting а truck and moving yourself could save you up to
75 percent of what a company would charge. But hiring a
mover has its pluses. On interstate moves, the Government has
an agreeable rule: No tipping. — RICHARD WOLKOMIR

m extra charge, you
le and time. If the driver misses, the
dropped. Otherwise, the van line pays no

and
nce
ny phase of
t number: 800-

207

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PLAYBOY’S PIPELINE

FIVE REASONS TO TAKE THE ‘A’ TRAIN

TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR

mirak has passenger routes

through five of the most beauti-

Tul sections of the country
from skirting the back streets of din
cities, these lines peneuate the most
rugged and dramatic terrain, the lush-
ext expanses of our national landscape
And while Amtrak still can't match
the speed of the 200-plus-mph French
and Japanese bombers, for comfort
and pleasure, there's а whole new gen
eration of trains running that appear
to be on the right track.

NEW YORK TO NEW ORLEANS:
THE CRESCENT

After a run. down the Northeast
corridor that allows passengers to board
in New York, Philadelphia or Balti-

more, the Crescent leaves the nation's
capital at 6:45 in the evening, and the
menu for din is the best in the

sse you can't have everything, it is the middle
of the t when you skirt the Smokies, but plan to
get up early, because at dawn you will be alongside the Blu
Ridge Mountains. By the time you've finished your ample.
Southern-style breakfast, the tain will be in Atlanta, As the
day progresses, the Piedmont plateau gives way to the planta-
tion country of Mississippi and the unique landscape of the
Mississippi River delta, Arrival in New Orleans is 7:15 PAL,
in time for a grand night in the Vieux Carré. И you
booked through to Los Angeles on the Sunset Limited, you
сап use the Crescent as your hotel room for no extra charge.
Breakfast at the Morning Call, do some sightseeing and then
have an oyster loaf for lunch before you catch the Sunset Lim-
ited to Los Angeles.

country, Bec

NEW ORLEANS TO LOS ANGELES:
THE SUNSET LIMITED

The Sunset leaves

t one vst, skirting the lushly mysterious
coast of Louisiana and racing the sunset to Texas. By the timc
you wake up, you're far deeper than any highway could take
vou into the cowboy country of the Texas range. The sun rises
behind you along the Rio Grande, and by noon, you are
climbing the Davis range of the Rocky Mountai
Paso. Afternoon takes you deeper into the Rockies, and by
evening, you are in Arizona. The next morning, at 7:40, you
have reached Los Angeles. If you go the other way, the sched-
ule is arranged so that you эсе most of the same scenery. There
isa little more of Arizona ilc less of Louisi

аз toward El

SALT LAKE CITY TO SEATTLE. THE PIONEER
Traveling the most dramatically beautiful stretch of
the U.S.A., the Pioneer takes you on а 24-hour tour th
cludes the Snake River Valley, the Blue Mountains, the Cas-
cade Range, Mt. Rainier, the Coast Ranges and Olympic
Mountains. You can take the trip in either direction, because
the schedule has been calculated to put you in the right place
at the right time to see the best sights. All the same, the wip

ginating in Salt Lake City is a little
more convenient, because it leaves at
5 rt, just in time for a nightcap
and a good night's sleep. If you leave
from Seauile, have to be on the
а sobering hour.

you

SEATTLE TO CHICAGO:
THE EMPIRE BUILDER

No road you can drive will gi
cess to the vistas on this 2300-mile trip
ross the northern border of the
country. The Empire Builder was once
one of the greatest of American trains.
and there is still a grandness about
her. She leaves at five p.v, in time for
you to have а leisurely cocktail before
dinner as you watch the sun set against
the snow-capped peaks of the Cascade
Range. After dinner, you will be able
to sce the frosty Nordic landscape
by the light of at least a billion
stars, as the train works her way into the mou of Mon
By midmorning, you are at Glacier National Park.
Nothing can compare with the vastness and glory of this virgin
landscape, an incredible expanse of forest that straddles the
U. S-Canadian border. At nightfall, you are still in it. and
only when you wake up docs the magnificent forest land begin
to give way to the lake-bejeweled plains of Minnesota. and
Wisconsin. Arrival in Chicago is a convenient seven р.м.

NEW YORK TO MONTREAL: THE ADIRONDACK

This is a trip for all seasons, and it can be made in one day
Originating in New York, the Adirondack leaves at 9:30 л.м
а civilized hour. She travels northward up the Hudson Valley
past the basalt ramparts of the Palisades, the majestic proces
sion of the Catskill Mountains, until she reaches the junction

е ас

of the Hudson and Mohawk rivers at Albany, just at lunch-
time. Then she makes her way into the gorgeous scenery of
the Adirondack Mountains, skirting Lake George and. then

Lake Champlain before crossing the border into Can
Rouses Point. She arrives at Windsor Station in Me
5:50 р.м. in time to enjoy the sophisti
queen city of Quebec. Provinc
at you do pass throu
able, this is thi

е not neces

у.
h Customs. y hunches
train on which to have a picnic.

are ауа

TIPS TO THE TRAIN TRAVELER
Never take the train when you want to get somewhere the
fastest possible way. In the same spi
time a matter of prime importance. The
out what services vailable to you: use them and tip ac
cordingly. Nev Reserve the most ample accon
dations you can manage. They come with closets; hang up
your clothes. Choose as а companion the person with whom
vou most like to travel. Intend to be romantic. Remember
К No one will ever know when you arrive at
your destination what went on in your cozy little sleeper.
All aboard! ALAN RAVAGE

pad is the ir

mo-

ü 208

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ileage may vary depending on speed,
trip length and weather. Actual highway
mileage will probably be lower than
the highway estimate.

California estimates

are lower.

3] EST. MPG.

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“You were right, doctor. I hardly fella thing.”

211

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СО {ТОШ continued от page 134)

“Settled onto the ba

stool, she crossed her long

legs, delicate things rustling.”

from Holts and Ogilvy's. Molly had a
run in her stocking. A smear of cream
from a chocolate éclair clung to the
mustache on her upper lip. Her leather
was button. Her
‚ she explained that they had
been out shopping when Barbara had
suggested they might stop for a drink
together at the Ritz before going home.
Why not, she had thought, this once?

Fuck fuck fuck. Seymour, fuming, bc-
gan to rub his hands against his trousers
his eyes fixed on the door.

“Oh, look,” Molly exclaimed, a plump
hand held to her powdery cheek, “cham-
ile lapsed and her flinty
eyes dened. “Why the champagne,
Seymour?"

coat voice

boomin

Molly turned to Joshua

“I just got a big check,” Joshua said.
“totally unexpected. Why don't we ask
the waiters to bring some glasses? We
might as well open it now.

“What a sport he is.” Seymour said,
ig the waiter.
mpagne," Molly
they be;
his expr

aid, giggly.
in 10 chat. uneasily
dead

saw the
actress drift into the oak-paneled room.
Joshua did not believe in levitation, but
he could have sworn Seymour was lilted
briefly out of his chair before he
slumped back, an older man, seething.

"You know.” Molly said. “I'm going
to tell you something about champagne.
ite seriously. Only yesterday, I read
that it’s very good for you

Sey s muttered reply was lost.

“He has such trouble, my Seymour.
No matter what I say, he won't. take
enough roughage. So he has to force it.”

"Shame on you, Seymour.”

“1 don't know how interested you are,
Josh, but the way we defe i
natural. We should sq

“Why don’t you hike up your skirts,
Seymour said. "and give us a demonstra-
ion right here?"

“Quack quack quack,” she said. “Josh
isn’t bored.

The

mou ssion

bowels.”

Cress was in her

ly 30s, with
long, shining black hair, flashing leg
She wore a green-suede coat, unbelted, a
fawn-silk blouse and a matching suede
skirt. Enormous shell-frame glasses rode
the crown of her black head. Lowering
them to her lovely green eyes. she
scanned the room, shrugged and then
strode past their table to the bar, her
scent lingering. Settled onto the bar

stool, she crossed her long legs, delicate
ngs rustling. Inside Seymour, Joshu
sensed a volcano threatening to erupt,
devouring all of them. Seymour's heart
was thudding. His lips were parched.
iddling with the stem of his champagne
glass, ag Molly's breathless prat-
Uing, he appealed to Joshua with hı
melancholy eyes. The joke. conceived in
drunken high spirits, began to pall. It
could end badly. Joshua thought

Seymour, ashen-faced, rose from the
able.

“Are you all right, darlin,

"Don't get excited. I have to go to
the toilet. that’s all.”

Conversation. continued. fitfully—the
children. vacation pl
deau’s shenanigans—as the phone on
the wall immediately to the right of the
rang. The bartender tool nodded
and then whispered something to the
television actress. who favored Joshua
with a small, meaningful smile bel
she set her Gauloise down in an ashtray
nd got up to take the
"We're ш you,
appealing to Joshu.

"Ol t all,” and he pitched into
the flagging conversation with simulated
vigor. as he watched the girl on the
phone smile, пой, burst into spontane-
ous giggles, frown. protest, nod again
nd finally hang up. Her manner dis-
tressed, pensive, she paid for her glass
of „ left it unfinished on the bar
drifted out of the room, failing to ac-
nowledge Joshua as she passed. Re-
ieved, he became more attentive to
the ladies as Seymour bounded back
to the table.

Barbara glanced at her watch and
announced that she had to go.

"Did you bring the car?"
asked Molly abruptly-

“Yes.” she said, immediately scooping
up her handbag. The clasp was broken.
The bulging velvet bag was bound to-
gether with an elastic. A Roberta. Set
him back $450. God Almighty.

“L have a couple of things to discuss
with my friend here. Why don't you
bara home? I won't be long."
Seymour, glowering, waited until the
dies had gathered their parcels to-
gether and left, and then he said, “1
never would have suspected you of being
so childish.”

"Oh, come on. It was а joke."
ome joke,” Seymour said evenly. "Ha
ha ha. You involved my

gnor

ns, Margaret Tru-

not

and

Seymour

nnocent wi

in this mindless and that's
unforgivable.”

"She didn't suspect a thing.”

I admit to having certain weaknesses.
hum nesses, but I never involve
my wife and children in my escapades.
My utterly joyless escapades. My wife
nd children come first with me.” Lean-
ng closer, he You are a childish,
inconsidera
son of a

With that, Seymour shoved his chair
back from the table and stomped out of
the bar. Stunned, Joshua ordered a dow
ble Scotch. and it was only after he
alled for the waiter that he realized he
had been left with the bill for the bot-
ue of Mumm’s.

There were two bars in the Ritz-Carl-

prank

ton. The Maritime, in the basement.
which Joshua favored because of its
comparative privacy, and the much more

modish Ca
floor.

é de Paris on the ground
assed, contrite, Joshua as-
cended the steps to the ground floor and
ised
some ma

at the newsstand to pick up
azines. As he passed the glass
doors to the Café de Paris, he just
aught a glimpse of Seymour, an in-
gratiating, sweet-talking Seymour, hud.
dled with the television actress at a table
1 the corner.

Seymour. Seymour.

He would be telling her that he had
perform at the Cen
‘Theater and that he had never dr
that he would fortunate
meet her. He would say that he hi
seen her play Masha on CBS-TV
though he had seen The Three Sisters
done in the West End and on Broadw
he 1 never known an аат
the role with such pu
incandescence. Accidentally
against her leg under the
would allow that he had fr
put taxshelter money into films and
that she must meet them, and they
would go to the ‘Troika for dinner and
then continue on to her apartment. in
the Cartier, where he would pronounce
t but
autiful.
g there, lick

once seen |

be so

brushing
able, he
ads w

her not only gifted and intellig
hingly bı

also beautiful, asto
Unzipping here, unhook
ing, sucking, he would say that had she
not been born Canadian, had she come
from New York, she would now certainly
be a star of international repute, Then
he would open his satchel and invite her
to step into his first gift. The come-on
1. peppermintflavored
candy panties. Eating them off her, he
would suddenly excuse himself and rush
into the toilet to spray his erection with
Long John. For endurance. Then he
would return, beaming, and. one hand
on his chel, ask her what she liked
best. Don't be shy.

213

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(continued from page 18

“You tell them youre a drug dealer,’ he says. ‘They'd
sooner have you be a drug dealer than a сор?”

11. An elderly Italian woman died of
an ordinary heart attack.

12. А 18-year-old girl. was raped and
sodomized by a man in his early 30s, who
fell instantly in love with her and ad-
vised he'd kill her if he ever c hi her
with another тап

It is commonly believed that cops
never follow up on cases involving the
theft of small amounts of money. yet I
have been involved in the investigations
of three consecutive cases in which (1) а
teenaged boy was robbed of a leather
(2) an old wom-
an was robbed of ten dollars; (3) »ung
s robbed of some cameras. "The
st case stressed. thc

woman w
detectives in t
importance of keep
numbers and of aving one's $
Security number on items of value. They
were optimistic about chances for rei
ering objects thus protected.

The above thi cases were the first 1
got involved in at the Ninth Precinct
nd 1 was impressed with the profession
ism and the compassion with which
they were handled. 1 am sure there are
cops who are apathetic and cops who
€ lary and dishonest, but I think they
are in the minority and. sides. I1 am
g about them. Ud rather tell
the hones. hard-work
heroic cops I encountered in the Ninth
Precinct, whom I saw saving lives and

protecting property. retaining their hu
mor in the midst of grotesque circum
stances, risking their necks and being

shit upon by the people in the str
1. even more so. by the police de]
ent itself.

When I first got to the Ninth Precinct
I didn't quite Know where 1 wanted to
look for the things I wanted to find out.

so 1 just started hanging out with the
cops and hoped Ed get my b

б
1 am cruising with an Anti-Crime team
the wee hours of the morning. It’s too
cold for crime, so the streets are deserted
“The best policeman is named Jack
Frost" is a police homily 1 will hear re-
peatedly. It is so quiet that cops are tell-
ing Polish jokes on the police radio.
Suddenly. Anti-Crime man Dave Flan.
nery spots a kid carrying a heavy shop
ping bag, looking “wrong.” Flannery
gets out of the car. The kid sees him
and scoots into a nearby building. Flan-
nery takes off after him, followed by his
partner, followed by me. On the stairway
to the fourth floor, the kid drops the
shopping bag, sending apples, containers
of chocolate milk and TV din-
ners flying in all directions. F ry lets

the kid escape. “You have to be pretty

low to lock up anybody for stealing
food." he says.
.
I asked the men at the Ninth Precinct

what had possessed them to become
policemen. it was 1
mauer of following in their fathers or
grandi least
three cops in the Ninth who even n
ged to be asigned their fathers or
ndfathers original “shields.” or
badges. To many, it was “the Irish bit—if
you couldn't айога to go to college, you
went into civil service. for the security.”
To many, it was the excitement: "It

To ma gely a

thers’ footsi

ps—I know
1

was either that or become a cowboy. Гус
er been able to work at desk or
anything inside," a uniformed foot pa

trolman explained. “It’s exciting to see
life in the raw, and you do get to help
people. too, which is very satisfying."

Said а cop named John: “I enjoy lock
ing up bad people.”

Most. 1 think, bee
altruistic reasons: “Being young and
idealistic.” says think
going to go out there and right
wrongs. Then you find

me cops for fairly

Flannery. "you

you're

lot of
hampered by the courts and by the de

partment itself and you find everybody's
against you. Nobody loves a cop.

Most cops I've talked with have given
up their civilian friends. They feel that
nobody but another cop understands

them. And when they're off duty. they
dread suangery’ finding out what they
do for a living.

АП cops are required to carry their

guns off duty. Lask Chris Reisman, who's
a bachelor. how the women һе
react when they discover the
clipped inside the back of his belt

“It turns them right off.” he says. But
what cin you do? I ask—you can't just
leave the gun at home. “You tell them
youre a drug dealer.” he says. “They'd
sooner have you be a drug dealer than a
cop. anyway

Reisman, like
of the policen
Neither the aw-abidi
munity nor the criminal community will
claim him, so he is utterly alone. And if
it's hard to survive in either. the law-
abiding community or the criminal onc,
it's all but impossible to survive in both:
Cops have to live by two totally conflict
ing sets of rules at the same time
ans,” says Reisman, "that at
pment, we're betray èi-
one or the other.” If they break
the biding community's rules, they
might wind up in jail. But if they break

dates
revolver

П cops. is all too aware
am's status of

outsider.
com-

ag civilian

the criminal community's rules. they will
most likely end up in a wooden box.

Phere is an entirely different moral
in the street. Ghetto life is misc
Ме and therefore cheap. People shoot
cach other for little provocation or none
1. Not making your quota of dope
les amd making a pass at somebody
else's woman are two ol the more com-
monplace justifications for killing som
body. In the gheuo, there is noth
wrong with stealing from a store during
а blackout, « у other time. for that
matter. A mim who'd robbed over
s in less than a year was selbright

indignant when arrested—he
once anything [rom an
person. he
licedep rules and regul
ау dı pply to the reality of the
. In the street. Reisman feels, a col-
lege education îs not an but a
curse: It could cause you to intellectual-
ize things instead of respond to them
viscerally and directly.

Reisman's partner, Andy Glover, was
shot to death five years ago while stop-
ping a car to give its driver a ticket, The
driver was wanted for homicide and
arresting him for
that. If Glover had continuously
pected the worst from people. perhaps
he'd be alive today. At least that’s Reis-

code

stor

cously
hadn't

sser

ex-

an’s feeling.
.
A superintendent of а building has
allegedly attacked one of his tenants

She is now in Bellevue with 32 stitches
in her head. Detective Bob Hayes allows
to sit in on the super’s interrogation.
The super's story is that the woman
came at him. for no apparent
with a machete. then tripped and fell
wd hit her head. Hayes is very gentle
with him and asks if he can afford a
wyer. The super says no. "Then the
t will appoint one for you." says
g 10 have to

reason.

co
Hayes.

(d now Fm goi

arrest you
‘The super is dismayed. “Right no

“Why?” says Hayes. “Isn't now con-
venient?” No, says the super. "When
would you like me to arrest уон?” says
Hayes.

“How about tomorrow morning?” says
the super

“OK.” says Hayes, "how about nine
o'clock?

“Make it ten." says the supe

“But be sure youre here,
“L don't want to have to come alter you.”
The super promises to be there at ten
the next morning and Hayes lets him
leave. I ask him why he let him go
one thing, 1 know the guy,
now he isn’t going to run
away. For another. I haven't talked to
the complainant yet. For all I know. he's
telling the truth and she’s a psycho.
Hayes and his partner, John В:

es.

says

Hayes.

bichi,

a cigar that rains a steady stream of
shes on his black vested suit. He is a
former undercover narc and has been in
the interrogation unit only a couple of
weeks. I ask him if I can call him John

“There are millions of Johns." he says.
ll me Babich.”

The complainant is lyin
bed with several tubes coming out of
her. Her face is badly beaten. her
c puffed and her head has been sl
and sewn together with three neat rows
of stitches. Her name is Bonita

Hayes asks Bonita how it happ
She replies in a heavy Spanish
that she was on her way out of her bu
ing to buy dog food when the super
attacked her, for no reason. with a stick.

“Were you camying a machete. Bo-
nita?” Hayes asks.

Bonita professes not to know wha
machete is.

“A big knife." says Hayes. “Were
carrying a big Кайе when he came at
you. Bonita

"A beeg knife.” she says rellectively
and mulls this over. "No." she says fi
nally don't theenk so.”

Patrolman Airel Vasquez tells me he
responded not long ago to a call to assist
а sick baby and found at the given ad-
dress a baby carriage in the middle of
the living room covered with a black-silk
scarf. Inside the carriage was a baby who
bee week. It had
been beaten. burned with cigarettes and
edly bitten. The baby's father was
эпуїаей of the crime and sent to prison
“I don't like people anymore." says
Dave Fla 1 used to. but I guess
Гуе seen too much."

From the first night I began ri
with cops. I asked them to tell me stories
of their heroic deeds. 1 never got any
response. which puzzled me. And then.
after | had been there awhile. I began to
understand. It wasn't that they hadn't
all done their share of heart-stopping
it was that they were embar
t th

“C

n a hospital

yes
ved

escues,
rassed to talk abo
doesn't consider. himself
told. I persisted, And 1
ds. Cops don't mind
the heroic exploits of their friends.
Patrolman Dennis Ha ton and his
partner revived a heartattack. victim on
Lith Street in ving rainstorm and
saved his life. Flannery rescued three

о,"
asked

their
king about

Unbelievably durable,
incredibly comfortable,
appropriately expensive.

a di

youths in Brooklyn one bone-crackingly 1
Told February hight by jumping reno the | ШУ retor Leather Tennie Shoe,
water and pulling them to safety- one by inirmengandwomensisizooe

onc. He almost drowned in the process.
John Poppe and John DeBerry delivered
premature. two-pound baby and arc
responsible for its being alive today. Ed
Mamet has 20 medals. one of which re-
sulted from his saving six people in a
burning building in Brooklyn—fire
trucks couldn't get their ladders up. be-
cause an clevated-train platform was in

TRETORN

215

PLAYBOY

216

the way, so Mamet and his partner went
in and pulled them out. Mamet ended
up ng out from smoke inhalation
and almost didn't make it out of there
himself, Jim Liedy has 30 medals, mostly
resulting from gun arrests. One of those
involved wrestling on the floor with a
psycho who fired off several shots before
Licdy managed to take the gun away.
“This job is all a head game,” sa
Chris Reisman. after I watch him and
fellow Anti-Csime cop Barry Noxon pull
a would-be suicide off a six-story parapet.
“Your life depends on being able to fig-
out what the other guy is going to
do betore he does it. But no matter how
weird what you're handling is, and no
atter how well or how poorly you han-
dle it, the same situation is going to
come up again soon and you have to do
it all over again. You get a chance to cor-
rect any mistakes you might have made
the last time. After a while, you start to
make je bout it. You pretty much
have to if you want to keep your sanity.”
.

When policemen are in tight spots.
they afraid? у
an, "you get appre
guy's supposed to have
walk into a r
with and you һе

ar à gun cock, you get
scared—there's no two ways about i
How does he handle it ly dor

just do what you have to do,
when it’s all over, you

Do cops ever think about dying? "Yes,"
says Reisman. “probably more than most
people. It tends to make you live morc
immediately. You're much less willing to
cept deferred gratification or deferred
joy. Or promises.

“Гуе had dreams about it once in a
while,” says Dennis Harrington, "but I
really don't dwell on it. 1 don't tell my

wife most of what happens, because I
don't want her to worry, I tell her the
funny things that happen. I've been in
couple of hairy situations, but I didn't
dwell on them. You get so you can cope
with it. Not that you're a hero or
thing, it’s just that you're aware of it.
You're also aware of the fact that i
precinct, we've had guys assi:
the Black Liberation Army—this is
where Gregory Foster and Rocco Laurie
were killel—and youre aware of the
fact that if anybody wants you, there's
nothing you can do about it.”

When Mamet was an unda
cotics cop, he dealt with his fear “by not
wanting to be a coward. By forcing
myself to do whatever I had to do be-
cause of the stigma attached to not doing
it and to saying I w raid." Mamet
was а паге for four years and worked up
in Harlem at night, where his was the
only white face. Often he was with junk-
ies who wanted him to shoot up with
them. He was always able to talk his way
out of it, saying things like he had
hepatitis and didn't want to use their
needle. Once, at a party, he гап into
guy he'd sent to three years before
and was terrified the guy would give him
away. “I pulled him into another room
and told him what would happen to him

over ma

who 1 I scared
clt the party.”
Another time, Mamet was arrested

h а bunch of junkies by two ur
formed cops. Mamet didn't have with
him thc .25-caliber пу
hid in his otch, and he was the only
one holding drugs. When the two cops
found the drugs they punched him
around and threw him into a cell. He
asked to speak to them in private and
was able to convince them he was a
marc. One of the cops ten

automatic he ust

who'd be

“What is it, really—the book's so good you can't put

il down, or I

m so awful you can't get it up?”

him was eventually thrown out of the
department

Outside of assassinations, why do cops

‘One reason is that they hesi
r than they should before
shooting." says Monigan. “A perfect. ex.
ample is this sergeant în the Fifth Pre-
net, Sergeant Johnson. The perp had a
knife and he came toward him. By the
time the sergeant decided to shoot, it was
too late. he'd already been stabbed.
There is always a tendency to hesitate.
Sometimes it’s fatal. S 20
years without ever firing a shot. On ТУ,
they're shooting all the time.”
‘There were a couple of cops killed
one year with knives,” recalls Harring-
ton, “and I remember thinking, Boy.
if I ever come up against а guy with a
knife, I'm not going to wait, I'm just
going to shoot him. And I walked
around a corner one day and there was a
guy who had а woman up against the
wall with a knife at her thro; nd my
first impulse was not what I thought it
would be. It was in the winter, I had my
gloves on and I grabbed the knife by the
blade and just yanked it out of his hand
As much as you might think you'd want
to, you really don't want to shoot апу
body. If there's another way to do
you will.

"Опе night. we had a guy in a deli
catessen who'd stolen a couple of swords.
He was h and wild and he had a
sword in each hand. We went in there
with our guns out, but my partner just
lunged at the guy, grabbed the swords
and yanked them out of his hands. After
it's over, you say, ‘Gee, it seems like I
did an awfully stupid thing But when
it actually happens, what's going through
your mind I think I can disarm this
guy without Killing him. I don't have to
shoot him. Not ever having shot any-
guy decide.

As a result of the heavy eriticism of its
men by the public and the press follow
ing such investigations into police
corruption as that of the Knapp Com

mission. the New York Police Depart-
ment has become absolutely obsessed
with its image. Its sell-poli m. the

s Division, is continually
on them

Internal ME
tapping cops’ phones, spying
igh-pow
phisticated ni, equipment and
conducting what it calls integrity tests:
A «op suspected of being corruptible
will be tempted with large sums of cash

by a stranger who is in reality an unde:
cover man to sec what the cop in ques
tion will do with it. In the opinion of

ked with, the N.Y.P.D.
ab a wayward cop than a
an aiminal.

tegrity tests. there are the
ictions, both official and
Iw n the Tenth
me Unit, they didn't

otherwise:
Precinct Anti-Cr

BECAUSE the cork is the guardian of the wine, the corksmith judges the quality

choosing only the finest straight-grained Portuguese cork to protect our crisp French Colombard.

Every step we take, we take with care because

IHE WINE REMEMBERS

THE WINERY OF
ERNEST & JULIO (QR

GALLO

French Colombard of Calif.
Ernest & Julio Gallo, Modesto, CA.

PLAYBOY

218

Püh top to pour РОЗ ари to lode

THERMOS Jet jug.

want anyone in civilian clothes making
drug arrests," Harrington tels me.
“They never came right out and told us
why, but we assumed it was because in
civilian clothes you can't be monitored.
In uniform, you wouldn't be foolish
enough to go into a bar, shake somebody
down or anything like that. But in
civilian clothes, I guess they figure you're
more apt to try it. It's harder to be seen.”
‘To whatever extent the department
remains sanitary by not having contact
th narcotics, we lose a substantial
amount of respect on the strect," says
Reisman. “These are crimes that are
conducted virtually in our presence,
which we're all but told to ignore. And
they generate problems that make our
work even more difficult: А junkie has to
steal. And he's generally going to steal
somewhere near where he's copping.
Also, a hard-wor'
drug activity in his community and he
notifies the police. He sees that they
don't do anything about it and he loses
faith in the police. Then, on other occa-
sions, he’s less inclined to tell us about
other things, because he thinks either
we're not going to do anything or we're
active partners in the criminal activity.”
Since the Knapp Commission, detec-
tives are forbidden to enter any bar,
liquor store or pawnshop without official
permission and without being accom-
panied by a superior officer. Also, detec-

tives are forbidden to speak to prostitutes
or other underworld types for informa-
tion on people who've committed crimes.

Although cops allowed to pay
people five dollars apiece to fill out po-
lice line-ups, the procedure for getting
the money has at times been a master-
piece of absurdity: First you filled out a
form to the commanding officer of the
Field Internal Aftairs Unit, signed by
your own commanding officer; then you
hand-delivered the form to the borough
coordinator, who endorsed it; then you
took it to the Field Internal Affairs com-
manding officer, who endorsed it and
made a log entry and issued you a check;
then you took the check to a bank to
get it cashed: then you got all the people
who were in the line-up back into the
station house and made them sign re-
ceipts for their five-dollar bills; then you
sent in the receipts with all the signa-
tures, and if you didn’t end up with the
same number of signatures as five-dollar
bills, you had to start all over again.

"They treated you like children,” says
Flannery.

Policemen feel that their hands arc
tied by the judicial system as much as by
the N.Y.P.D. “The system was based on
X number of people who should be
incarcerated,” says Monigan. "You've
tripled the number of people who should
be incarcerated by now and you haven't

changed the system to allow for it. Do
you know how much it costs to maint:
a prisoner in jail? A hundred and ninety-
four dollars a day!
"Ihe courts can't handle what we're
bringing in," says Harrington. “They're
overloaded. You can go down to court
with a case on a silver platter, and if it's
not a superhorrendous crime, they're not
even going to prosecute. They're going
to reserve the spot in jail for a guy who's
done his eighth mugging. You go to
court with a case like theft of services
from a restaurant. They started some-
thing recently called declined prosecu-
tion. The D.A. says, ‘Yes, it's a crime and
it really did happen, but we're not going
to prosecute, because we don’t have the
resources.’ So a restaurant owner might
spend all day to get a complaint drawn
up and then find out it’s not going to
even be prosecuted. And he feels like
he's paying his taxes and he's just taken
a real screwing. He got screwed by the
guy who ripped him off, and now he's
gotten screwed by the courts."

Why, I ask Flannery, does he think the
s arc so lenient with lawbreakers?
don't know," he says, "this is sup-
posed to be the land of the free, you
know? They don't like to deprive an
ndividual of his freedom, and all tbis
kind of garbage. And yet I walk through
the area I work in and I see iron gates
on all the windows. So who's really being
imprisoned, the criminals or the honest
citizens? The old people in my arca go
out only in the morning, because that's
when the robbers and the junkies are
sleeping off whatever they did the night
before. The honest majority has to suffer
for the criminal minority."

Mamet has another angle: А detec-
tive's batting average. he explains, is the
number of cases he “clears” by arrest. A
D.A.'s batting average is the number of
his cases on which he gets convictions. A
judge's batting average, especially in the
New York Supreme Court, is based on
the number of his decisions that are
upheld on appeal—when he decides a
case, he thinks ahead to what would
happen on appeal. If he thinks the evi
dence or the procedures in a particular
case are questionable, he'll throw the
case out rather than risk its being over-
turned on appeal and making him look
bad. "Also," says Mamet, “cops feel
judges dont know what they went
through to bring the case to court—they
probably spent weeks or months on the
case, risked their 5, and then the
judge lets the guy walk away with a slap
on the wrist.

"I also think that an obsession with
constitutional rights has weakened the
police force. A cop can observe the
search-and-seizure laws, but if he mere-
ly walks up to a suspicious looking per-
son and asks if he's carrying anything
like dope or guns and the person says
yes, then that is called submission to

authority and the case сап be dismissed.
The court could rule that the person was
frightened and didn't realize he had a
constitutional right to refuse to answer.
A case can also be dismissed if the evi
dence rolls under a car or is thrown out
of sight—if a cop loses sight of the
evidence for even five seconds, that case
is out the window.

“Another thing. If youre a cop talk-
ing to a witness to a crime, and as he's
speaking you begin to realize he might
be the one who commilted the aime,
you must stop. tell him he's a suspect.
read him his rights and tell him that any-
thing he says will be used against him.

"The questioning of juveniles can
only be done at those station houses that
are acceptable to the court—this isn’t
one of them. Also, a pa
ian has to be present
parent or a guardian won't come in. In
that case, even if the kid admits to the
crime, the case will probably be thrown
out. Until just recently, we couldn't
cven fingerprint a juvenile.

When a cop takes a prisoner to court,
hc has to wait in the Tombs along with
100 to 150 other cops for anywhere from
several hours to a couple of days for his
case to be called, sitting and doing
absolutely nothing—a daily waste of
thousands of dollars in wages and an
appalling waste of crime-fighting man-
power.

"A cop cannot shoot at a car in which
perpetrators arc ficcing a crime unless
the car is being used as a weapon against.
him, like, to run him down," says
Mamet. "If he tries to run you down and
misses, you can no longer shoot at him
once he has passed you by. The state
penal code says you can, but the N.Y.P.D.
says you can't. N.Y.P.D. regulations com-
promise state law.’

It is not only the penal code that
makes cops’ jobs difficult nowadays. It is
also the attitude that the man in the
street has developed in recent years.

“People aren't afraid of cops anymore,
and that's too bad," says Reisman. “They
take pride in wising off to us, being rude
and not cooperating. People figure a cop
can't lay a hand on them anymore. If
we do anything they don't like, they can
gave us official trouble, It makes the job
harder and more dangerous, because a
lot of times you find yourself in situa-
tions that don't allow for negotiation.
For example, there was a fire in Brook-
lyn not long ago and people refused to
leave a burning building—they wouldn't
take the cops’ word for it that their god-
damned building was coming down
around their ears. The general assump-
tion is that we don’t know what we're
talking about. Except for a few areas of
the business community, people are not
getting the protection they're paying for.”

A common practice in drug or prosti-
tution collars, I'm told, is for the
arrested person to file a false complaint

th the Civilian Complaints Review
Board. A prostitute will say that the
arresting officer demanded sexual favors
or asked her to pimp for him. A drug
dealer will charge that the cop turned in
fewer drugs than were seized. All com-
plaints are laboriously investigated by
the LA.D. and go on the cops’ perma-
nent records. Even though almost all
such charges prove groundless and the
notation Unsubstantiated or Unfounded
goes into the books, a cop with a num-
ber of unfounded complaints will gen-
erally not be promoted.
.

Some cops I know think heroin dealers
should be not jailed but shot. You have
heard that heroin was developed to get
morphine addicts off morphine and that
methadone—which is just as dangerous
as heroin—was developed to get heroin
addicts off heroin. One thing you may
not have heard is that addicts on the
methadone program take the methadone
the Government gives them free and sell
it on the street to buy heroin.

Another thing you may not have heard
is chat addicts on the methadone pro-
gram are on Social Secu even though
most of them have never produced any
income of their own. The Federal Gov-
ernment is allowing junkies to be clas-
sified as disabled and to collect Social
Security benefits. Technically, the Gov-
ernment is subsidizing methadone clinics

Keeps a six pack cold all day

all over the
Security.

Onc night my detective friends intro-
duced me to several black hookers in
Hell's Kitchen. Although the hook
had impressive breasts and seemed defi-
nitely female, ] was informed that they
were, in fact, merely gentlemen with
icone ornamentation. ] was amazed. І
was even more amazed to learn that sev-
eral of them had had sex-change opera-
tions at a hospital in Yonkers that cost
$3000 to $5000 apiece and that those
operations had been paid for by the
Government as well—the lads, you see,
are junkies on the methadone program,
and are therefore covered by Medicaid.
All they had to do to get the sex-change
operation, 1 was told, was to get a psy-
chiatrist to say that the operation was
necessary for their emotional well-being
and—bingo!—taxpayers get to cough up
five grand for some junkie hooker to get
his plumbing changed.

A nine-year-old girl has гип away from
an ex-junkie mother who beats her. We
examine the litte girl's laboriously
printed goodbye notes, parts of which
read: “I love you so much. You want me
to go away I did. . . . See what 1 mean
you hit see what. Love. . . . I love you
very much. Love, good-by Mom,
Love... .I will come to you one day

“You notice how much mention there

country through Social

THERMOS.Uil punPacker.

219

PLAYBOY

is of love?" says Monigan.

“Abused children,” I say a trifle smug-
ly, “are—"
More attached to parents who beat
them than normal ones, I know," says
Monigan. "I sure dor't like thi:

"The police have been looking for the
little girl for several days now, and for
the first time, they are beginning to sus-
pect foul play. Two of the mother's
other children have died under mysteri-
ous circumstances. Perhaps the mother
found the little girl after she ran away
and beat her to death. Perhaps, at the
very least, the girl was sexually assaulted.

‘Of course, some nine-year-old girls in
this neighborhood are built better than
my wife,” says Monigan, “and have had
more sexual intercourse than you and
me put together.”

Three days later, the girl is found
unharmed.

Monigan and I are leaving the scene
of an ordinary D.O.A. "You missed a
great one a few weeks ago," he tells me.
“The guy had been dead for several days.
Tt vas so cold in the building the corpse
wasn't badly decomposed, but rats had
eaten the flesh off his arms from the
elbows down. That caused us a bit of
trouble at first." Why? “Very dificult to
get fingerprints when their hands are
eaten off,” he says reasonably.

“The first time you come upon а
junkie lying in his own vo says
Harrington, "you don't feel sorry for
him, you almost hate him-— because,
man, how could you let yourself get like
that? After a while, you mellow. If you're
lucky, you mellow. If not, you really let
it all get to you, and then you're going
to be one of the guys who end up kill-
ing themselve:

In recent years. at least two policemen
of the Ninth Precinct that I know of
have committed suicide. A cop who was
implicated in an alleged drinking inci-
dent at Gracie Mansion shot himself to
death. In 1979, there were eight suicides
in the N.Y.P.D. What causes cops to
take their own lives?

"I think a lot of pressure is brought
on cops by the police department,” says
Monigan. “Minor infractions are so
frowned upon and dealt with so harshly
that some guys really take suicide as a
way out. The suicide rate is high because
guys don't leave work problems at the
station house. That's why we get so fool-
ish here"—he points to the wooden leg
nailed to Mamet's doorframe—"to light-
en it up a little. If you don't do stuff like
that, you take it all home with you and
destroy everyone there. Eventually, you
end up committing suicide or killing
somebody."

"You're never allowed to'show anger,"
says Harrington. "You're supposed to
turn the good emotions on and suppress

the bad ones. That's why so many guys
become alcoholics, get divorced, blow
their brains out, stuff like that.” As a
matter of fact, cops have higher rates of
divorce, alcoholism and suicide than any
other profession in the world. And their
average life expectancy is only §9—about
13 years less than that of the average
American man.

New York cops appear to be doing
at least as good a job as other cities
policemen, but with far less equipment.
‘The typewriters they use to prepare all
their reports are barely usable. Their
cars, both marked and unmarked, are
falling apart—every one I rode in had
either a broken two-way radio or a cou-
ple of doors that wouldn't open. "I
sometimes wish I had more in my trunk
than a tire and a jack," says Flannery
wistfully. Like what? "Oh, like maybe
some oxygen equipment Emergency
Services has some, but we could sure
save more lives if we did, too."

There is so little money to buy under-
world information and to set up drug
arrests it borders on the tragicomic: “I
made an undercover buy up on lth
Street,” says Harrington, one of the
few cops in the Ninth Precinct per-
mitted to make drug collars, “and it was
the first one I ever made. The guy want-
ed four dollars. I didn’t have enough
money, so I had to beat him down on
the price. That really ticked him off
when I arrested him. He said, ‘Hey, man,
you were gonna lock me up anyway,
why'd you beat me down on the price?"
I said, "Well, man, all 1 had to spend
was three dollars and 30 cents.’ "

The morale of New York cops is gen-
erally very low. The layoff of 5000 men
in 1975 was, according to Mamet, “the
greatest blot on the N.Y.P.D. in its his-
tory.” Mayor Beame had promised that
if the men worked five days without pay,
there'd be no layoffs. The men worked
the five days. Всате laid off 5000 cops.
Although many of them were eventually
rehired, there are over 700 still ош of
work, which is felt to be, among other
things, a definite hazard to public safety.

Oddly enough, morale among the men
of the Ninth Precinct seems generally
better than that of the rest of the de-
partment. Why? “This is a very, very
dangerous place,” says Monigan. “We've
got seven plaques downstairs for guys
who've been killed here, yet morale is
relatively high. Being in a busy place
and knowing it's so dangerous makes
it. .. exciting. And when it's an exciting
place, there's a much closer camaraderie
among the men. And that camaraderie,
that esprit de corps, gives an uplift to
the entire place.”

Maybe that’s why most of the men I've
met at the Ninth appear to like their
work, regardless of the hardships. "There
are guys here,” says Harrington, “who
hate to go sick, because they just don't

like being idle. In this job, if you want
to abuse going sick, you can abuse it,
but the average guy doesn't. I had a
broken arm not long ago and I worked
anyway. I tried to fake it. 1 put my part-
ner's coat over it—he's six feet, four—
and it covered my cast. I couldn't face
the prospect of lying around at home
idle for six whole weeks.”
.

Some signs on the wall of the th
Precinct: (1) YOUR LIFE 15 IN DANGER TO-
DAY. YOU MUST DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
(2) то ERR Is HUMAN, TO FORGIVE 1s
AGAINST DEPARTMENT POLICY. (3) WE THE
WILLING, LED BY THE UNKNOWING, ARE
DOING THE IMPOSSIBLE FOR THE UNGRATE-
FUL. WE HAYE DONE SO MUCH FOR 50 LONG
WITH SO LITTLE, WE ARE NOW QUALIFIED
TO DO ANYTHING WITH NOTHINC. Some-
body bitter about police salaries has
amended the las line to read: To bo
ANYTHING FOR NOTHING.

One night shortly after midnight. offi-
cers Vasquez and Phillips and I respond
to a all to back up an ambulance on a
cardiac case. A very old man who has
no legs and who has just had a heart
attack is being gently helped into a fold-
ing wheelchair. When the old man hears
he's being taken to the VA hospital,
he begins to cry. А short conference fol-
lows between him. the cops and a female
neighbor. Then the old man is helped
back into his bed and we leave.

"He realized that if we took him to
the VA hospital, he probably wouldn't
сусг go back home," explains one of
the cops. "He wants to die in his own
bed. It doesn't seem like a lot to ask."

I had begun my research wanting to
find out what cops were really like, and
what they knew about us, and how that
knowledge had affected them. What T
found out about cops is that they are
more conscientious, compassionate, ill-
equipped, restricted, playful, heroic, de-
pressed, alienated and suicidal than I'd
imagined. What I found out that cops
know about us is both a bit better and
a lot worse than I'd expected.

Because, of course, there are. two
Americas: the one in which people live
by the American Dream and the one in
which people have given it up. Cops are
right on the border line—they live in
the dream and they work in the night-
mare it has created. I'm amazed they're
not all schizophrenic.

It is not that being а cop is tough. It
is that being a cop is almost not even
possible anymore. And yet these men
persist. Unless they are able to find
support from either the public or their
bosses, if not both, it is hard to see how
much longer they can continue doing
what they arc doing.

At left, Dorothy sports а
$15,000 necklace from jewelry
designer Lester Lampert of
Chicago: five carats of
diamonds set in 14-kt. gold.

Y
Above: Elegant 14-kt.-gold EM Above: L'Air du Temps eau
Longines watch that's tapered de toilette from Nina Ricci
to fit the wrist, with an Parfums, in a Lalique crystal
easy-to-read oval dial, $1000. 43-oz. bottle, $1350.

it's christmas in june for our lucky playmate of the year

ез Git for a Queen

IF, AS THEY SAY, it is more blessed to give than to receive, Dorothy Stratten’s benefactors may soon be canonized. Dorothy had
a vague inkling of what she was going to receive as Playmate of the Year, but the full impact of her treasure-trove of goodies

didn’t really dawn on her until one day in February, when she arrived at our West Coast (text concluded on page 227)

Below: The piéce de résistance, a Jaguar XJ-S, complete with all the fixin’s—self-regulating air conditioning, AM/FM stereo radio and
eight-track tope deck, four-wheel power-assisted disc brakes, hand-matched Connolly hide upholstery and electric power windows, $26,000.

221

Above: An electronic muscle-toning and Dorothy‘ll moke good use of her $1000 Above: A Wetbike watercycle (plus troiler,
device, this AMF Whitely Computrim lifetime membership to all 11 of Jerry two vests and instruction), from Wetbike/Spirit
900 will keep Dorothy in good shape. Douderman's Noutilus Plus Fitness Centers. Morine/Arctic Enterprises, Inc., $3130.

Right: Kawesoki motorcycle KZ-
250 LTD, with electric storting

you're never gonna outgrow
that kind of style, $1250.

FASHION PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARIO CASILLI

STILL LIFE PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHAR

Left: The Apple Il computer, briefcase
d, with memory bank and keyboard,
can help manage Dorothy's money, $1195.

Right: Mitsubishi HS 300U video recorder
with two slow-motion speeds, stop frame,
visuol search and remote control, $1450.

If, asthey soy, cleanliness is next to godliness, our Ploymote of the Yeor will be positively saintly
after experiencing the delights of this bross-lined rosewood bothtub with whirlpool (below)
feoturing all brass fittings, from Bross Bottoms of Newport Beach, Californio, $13,250 installed.

Above: Jensen car stereo system with
R420 AM/FM stereo radio, cossette
player ond six speakers, $550. Below:
Quasar’s MQ 7700 microwave oven
with Insta-Motic Cooking feature, $700.

Below: Dorothy will turn more than о few heads in this AMF Head Sports Weor bothing suit. Below center: Н. Н. Scott hi-fi system feotures
PS-97XV quartz lock direct-drive turntable, LED display 830Z oudio analyzer, 570T AM/FMstereo tuner, 4B0A integrated amplifier, 610D cossette
impedonce speckers, $2550. Below right: Bell & Howell DCT sound projector ond Soundstor AF movie comero, $1000.

FEATURE PRODUCED BY JANICE MOSES

Above left: This sleek 14-kt.-gold ring with high dome of pavé
diamonds by Esther Gallant of New York, $1250. Above

rig! he Nikon FE black-body camera with leather strap,
MD-12 motor drive, 50mm f1.4 lons and SB-E flash, $1000.

Above: Warmth and stylishness blend in this natural Russian crown sable
coat of selected pelts with large horizontal collar, full body and new European
shoulders, designed by Al & Ben Smith Furriers of New York, $65,000.

Still more of our Ploymate of the Year's treasure-trove of
video accessories: Dorothy will enjoy playing with this Atari
video computer system (above) featuring 32 games, $1000.

At left, Dorothy models her new two-piece red toga dress of motte jersey
and silk chiffon woven with metallic flowers, from Julio, $650. Above:
Astunning, custom-designed Marrokech backgammon table with bone
lacquer finish, from Phyllis Morris of Los Angeles, $4500.

ned by Burray
Olson exclusively for North Beach Leather, $1100. Above right: Hand-worked Roman saddle

leather-and-brass luggage, from Nunn-Bush, available at Brass Boot stores, $1075.

Above, Dorothy models a backless Harlow
gawn, pure silk satin, with silk peign.

below, а redsilk camisole with French

lace and matching tap pants. All together,
she received $1000 in Laré lingerie.

Dorothy will fly to Manzanilla on the west coast of Mexico via Aeromexica Airlines for а
week's yacatian for twa at the gorgeous Las Hadas resart hatel (abave), $2000. Below,
aur slumber-baund Playmate of the Year models a Loré teddy ensemble atop her shiny
brass Futura bed, created and manufactured by Brass Bed Company of America, $3000.

PLAYBOY

226

Howtogothrough
ароњео Midori

Follow the instructions here. Melon Margarita: 1% oz. Tequila,
Then, write to the address below | 1 oz. Midori, 1 oz. Sweet & Sour Lemon.
for our free recipe 2с ; W Blend and pour into salted glass.

book, What to Make of
— -s
==

Midori. 39 melon drinks
and eight dewey desserts
Midori Sour: 2 oz. Sweet
& Sour mix 1 oz. Midori.

in one volume.
Blend and strain.

Its one of those books
you hope will never end.

The Leaf: 102. Midori,
И oz. White Rum, 2 oz. Half
& Half.Over the rocks, stir.

melon

liqueur

Honeydew

^ Daiquiri:
Тог. Midori,

Yi oz. White Rum,

1 oz. Sweet & Sour

Lemon or fresh

lemon juice with

sugar. Blend and

pour.

Midori Rocks: Pour Midori over
crushed ice and add a squeeze of lime.

Melon Colada: 2 oz.
Midori, 1 oz. Rum,
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Mix in blender.

Midori Melon Liqueur

For the free recipe book, write Suntory Indl., Dept. P, 1211 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10036. 46 Proof. Imported by Suntory Intl., 6125. Flower, Los Angeles. CA 90017.

Gifts Git for a Queen

(continued from page 221)
Studio to be photographed with all her
gifts. We had gathered them into one
large room, and when Dorothy walked
in, she was awe-struck. "When I saw all
those beautiful gifts all at once,” she
"p just started crying. It was in-
le.” In fact, it was like the pro-
verbial child let loose in a candy store—
Dorothy tried on the fur, the dresses,
the lingerie, the jewelry; fiddled with
the gadgets, the video equipment, the
cameras, the computers; inspected the
brass bed, the brass-and-rosewood bath-
tub. And there were some interesting
coincidences. “I was all set to buy а
video recorder,” she says, “so I'd be able
to tape all the TV shows I'm going to
be in and play them back. Also, I had
just told a friend that I wanted a back-
gammon table. I'm pretty addicted to
the game.” And, of course, the fur will
come in handy when she makes her
rounds as our Playmate of the Year,
she says, "when I tour

A few of the gifts were not in the
room. Foremost was a $25,000 check
from rLAvBOY—up from the previous
Playmate of the Year bonus of $10,000.
Another was a trip to La Costa, the
famous health spa/resort south of Los
Angeles. Dorothy and PLAYBOY West
Coast Photo Editor Marilyn Grabowski
spent six days there in early February.
"We went down there to diet and ex-
ercise," says Dorothy. "It was fantastic.
We each lost five pounds in only six
days!” Soon. Dorothy will be taking
another trip, this time to Mexico as
the guest of Las Hadas, the premier
resort hotel on the west coast of Mexico
in Manzanillo, where she will fly cour-
tesy of Aeromexico Airlines. "As soon
as I get some free time between films,
Im going right down to Las Hadas,"
she says. “I'm really going to unwind
for a week." Following a whirlwind
promotional tour across thc country,
Dorothy will preside as co-hostess at the
grand opening of the new Playboy
Hotel and proposed casino in Atlantic
City, scheduled to open late this year.

Some of Dorothy's gifts have stimu-
lated new interests. "I'm especially ex-
cited about the Nikon equipment," she
tells us. “I've always wanted to get into
photography and now that I've got the
right camera, I may take some lessons."
We also may soon be seeing Dorothy on
the slopes. “I've never skied before in
my life,” she says, “but with all this
great AMF Head ski equipment—racing
skis, Raichle boots, ski wear—I'll have
to take it up.”

As for the shiny new brass bed and
sexy lingerie—well, some things are just
none of our busine:

Playmate of the Year

(continued from page 170)

British Columbia. Intrepid PLAYBov pho-
tographers, searching for a 25th-anniver-
sary Playmate, discover Dorothy Stratten
and invite her to fly to Los Angeles for
test shots. ("Believe it or not,” she told us,
"I'd never been on a plane before.”) In
L.A., she quickly becomes a top finalist
in the anniversary Playmate competi-
tion—and lands a job as a Bunny at
the Century City Playboy Club, quickly
followed by a part in the film America-
thon, in which she plays a Bunny.
Candy Loving, who in the intervening
weeks has become a close friend of
Dorothy's, is chosen 25th-anniversary
Playmate; Dorothy gets the nod as Miss
August. By now, she has already se-
cured a part in the film Skatetown,
U.S.A., a small speaking role in which
she keeps trying to order a pizza, but,
in her own words, "the pizza maker
keeps hitting on me. It's а continuous
scene that runs throughout the film."
А small role, perhaps. but big enough
for Dorothy to catch the eye of several
producers, one of whom signs her to
star in the Canadian film Autumn
Born, to be released shortly north of the
border. Hollywood takes notice and soon
Dorothy is hired to appear in an episode
of Fantasy Island. Following that, she is
a guest star in a segment of the TV series
Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, playing

the part of Miss Cosmos, winner of a
contest to discover “the most beautiful
woman in the universe.” Her name ap-
pears, for the first time, in TY Guide.
says

("Seeing my name in TV Guide
Dorothy, “was the most exciting
in my life. It suddenly made all this
seem real. When I watch myself on the
screen or on TV, it's always so hard for
me to believe that it’s really me.") Cut
to January 1980: Dorothy is signed for
the title role in her first American fea-
ture film, Galaxina—a space comedy co-
starring Stephen Macht, Avery Schreiber
and James David Hinton. She plays a
robot named Galaxina, described as the
most perfect robot ever constructed.
Hollywood Reporter columnist Hank
Grant mentions Dorothy when she has
her license plates changed to read GAL
X INA.

As many observers have noted, Dorothy
dazzles people, on or off the screen. Just
to give you an example of what we
mean, early last winter, Richard Daw-
son appeared om The Tonight Show,
shortly after having hosted the ABC-TV
special The Playboy Roller Disco and
Pajama Parly—which featured a large
cop of Playmates, including Dorothy.
In the course of The Tonight Show.
Dawson was asked what he wanted most
for Christmas. He didn't hesitate for a
moment: “Dorothy.

“The food dollar goes up; ergo,
the sex dollar goes up.”

227

PLAYBOY

228

“We're оп a scavenger hunt, ma'am. We understand
you might have a pair of black spike-heel boots and a
midnight-blue crotchless body stocking.”

Benson & Hedges
Lights |

+ =: | Reg.: 1] mg "таг, 0.8 mg nicotine—
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Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health.

BAUM Y Nw

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PLAYBOY

230

ИШҮ ЇЇ а» page 182

“Thompson put Linson and Kaye їп a taxi and said,
‘See that these two don’t die in Colorado.”

hard against the alcohol and the cocaine,
and both of them were sick and con-
fused. They finished the pitiless mara-
thon with Linson leaning on his palms
against the big glass door of the Jerome,
legs spread as if he were being arrested,
and Kaye at the bar, near tears, drink-
ing Fernet Branca and trying to focus on
Thompson, who was playing, over and
over, an Amazing Rhythm Aces song
about a Civil War soldier who had his
legs shot off and asking the two of them
if they really understood the significance
of the lyric.

At seven that morning, Thompson put
the two of them in a Mellow Yellow
Taxi and told the driver. “See that
these two don't die in Colorado." Fif-
teen minutes later, Linson and Kaye sat
next to each other on the grass in front
of the airport, rocking and moaning
and trying to decide which one of them
needed the last Valium worse. Linson
finally took

Eight months later, Kaye delivered his
script, called Where the Buffalo Roam.
It was centered loosely on Thompson's
oftand-on friendship with a chicano
lawyer named Oscar Zeta Acosta, a
lawn-burning, drug-eating troublemak-
er who called himself the Brown Buffalo.
Acosta had disappeared somewhere in

the Caribbean around 1974 or 1975 amid
a squall of rumors about machine guns,
high-speed boats and homicide. No
corpse was ever found, and some ver-
sions of the tale had him escaping with
a suitcase full of money into the Florida
swamps, but almost everybody who
knew him believed he was dead.

The magazine story from which the
screenplay had taken its inspiration
was Thompson's reminiscence of their
years together as outlaws in Richard
Nixon's America. It was a strangely sen-
timental piece of writing for Thomp-
son—not soft but affectionate in a
rough sort of way, admiring of this man
Acosta, whose madness outstripped
Thompson's at every turn and who was
plainly headed for a very bad end.

Linson showed the script to Peter
Boyle, who liked it fine and immediately
signed to play the part of Acosta, at that
point called Mendoza in the script. A
group of chicano actors changed that,
however, by threatening to make trouble
if Boyle weren't replaced by a latino
actor. So Linson de-Mexicanized the
character and called him Lazlo.

That left Thompson's part to be cast,
and for a while, names like Dan
Aykroyd, Chevy Chase and John Belushi
were tossed around. Finally, Bill Murray,
another of the Not Ready for Prime

“Look, Charley—the world changes.”

Time Players, was offered the job. Murray
had no screen credits at the time but was
a good comic actor and a talented mimic;
besides that, he knew Thompson and
appre
humor. In fact, one summer afternoon
around the Jerome pool. not long afte
the two of them had met, Murray was
himself the main player in а piece
of Thompson's impromptu mischief.
Thompson introduced Murray as Harry
Houdini, the greatest escape artist of all
time—then sat him in a cast-iron garden
chair, lashed his hands and feet to it,
carried him over to the pool and
dumped him in.

After about a minute, it was obvious
to everybody that Murray was going to
drown if they didn't haul him out,
which they did. Murray took the whole
thing in rhe right spirit, though, and
he and Thompson be e friends. When
the part came up, Thompson urged him
to take it.

Murray said he wanted to but wasn't
sure about the script. Was this, he asked,
exactly what they intended to shoot—
or would he be tree to add a little
something here and there to incorporate
his own ideas about who this character
Thompson was? Linson promised him,
in the well-known Hollywood tradition
that the writer's words were not cut in
stone, more like sand, and that, as di-
rector, he was going to be real flexible.
Then, with Murray's name on the line,
Linson drafted a shooting schedule,
hired a production crew, cast the sup-
porting roles, reserved a sound stage at
Universal, scouted locations around Los
Angeles and told everyone he was going
to make a very funny movie.

As word got around that Thomp-
son vas dealing with Hollywood, it was
inevitable that some devotees of his work
would start grousing that he had sold
out. For the most part, Thompson ig-
nored it or laughed it off; but in
late June 1979, just before filming
started, he received a note from Garry
Trudeau, creator of the comic strip
Doonesbury, which for ycars had featured.
a character called Uncle Duke who bore
an almost perfect resemblance to Thomp-
son in both spirit and action. Tru.
deau evidently bemoaned the fact that
"Thompson had turned his work over to
hacks. Thompson's reply was swift and
began without a salutation:

ted his no-tomorrow sense of

You silly lite fart. Don't lay
your karmic nightmares on me, and
don’t bother me with any more
postcards about your vomiting prob-
lems. The only other person I know
who puked every time he said the
word integrity was Richard Nixon.

And what lame instinct suddenly
prompts you to start commenting
on my matériel? You've done pretty
well by skimming it for the past five

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PLAYBOY

232

years, so keep your pompous whin-
ing to yourself and don't complain.

If you must vomit, go down to
Могуз and use that special low-rent
stall they keep for lightweight Yalies
who steal other people's work for
a living.

But don't worry, old sport. You'll
get yours . . . and in the meantime,
feel free to call on me for profes-
sional advice at any time. I'm not
like the others.

Sincerely,
HST

.
I phoned Thompson the day they
began filming. It was the middle of July
and I was in a dumpy little motel just
down from the Sunset Strip. He was in
Key West and had been for several
months, borrowing a house from his
friend Jimmy Buffett and trying to
write. I asked him how he was and he
said terrible. He had missed two dead-
lines on a script about smugglers he
was supposed to be working on for Jann
Wenner and he was about to miss an-
other one, which he couldn't afford to
do. he said. because he was almost broke.
"What about the Buffalo money?" 1
asked him, meaning the money he had
received for rights to the movie.

“I spent it," he said, "all of it, in a
mean, deliberate frenzy. 1 didn’t even
enjoy it."

“Are you coming out here to watch
them film your life story?

“I don't know,” he said. “I have only
two options: I can stay away completely
and denounce the whole thing, or I
can go out there and become involved.
I probably ought to be there for some
of it, anyway. I'm executive consultant,
you know. I don't have any official veto
power, but my presence alone should
amount to a veto of some kind.”

“Hunter,” I said, just before we hung
up, “why are you letting them do this?”

“Three more zeros,” he said.

He was talking about the money, of
course, because money is what Holly-
wood does better than anything else.
“They don't call it show art, they call it
show business” is the way Kaye ex-
plained it to me. There is so much
money in Hollywood, and they throw it
around in such large chunks, that when
the studio executives talk about it among
themselves, they talk shorthand: $100,000
called a dollar in this industry, as if
it would take too much paper and too
much breath to spell out the whole cost
every time; as if, like astronomers, they
were dealing with numbers so vast that
they needed translation from miles into
light-years.

When they talk to writers, though,
they always use the full dollar amounts.
I think they like to see what happens to
the author's balance when they use the
words low budget in the same sentence

with $4,000,000. You might not impress
everybody with that kind of talk, but
you can make most writers sway like a
drunk with anything over a couple of
thousand bucks, plus expenses.

"That was not lost on Linson. When
we talked about who was getting what
out of this movie, he narrowed his cyes
and pointed at me when hc got to the
part about Thompson's share. "I got
him a six-figure deal," he said, and then
he told me something I heard him say
at least four other times in front of cast
and crew and whoever else was listening.
He said, “I gave Hunter Thompson the
only real money he ever had.”

Which was true. And Linson had made
it plain that there was more where that
came from, moncy for other deals and
other movies, if Thompson played hi
cards right. If he behaved.

"The morning of the second day's shoot-
ing, I crept in through the back door of
sound stage 26 on the Universal lot. The
huge barn was dark except for a swatch
of light along one wall, where Murray
sat at a desk, lit by 100 lights, smoking
a cigarette through a holder, wearing a
green eyeshade and sunglasses, using one
hand to type on a big IBM Selectric
and the other to pour prop whiskey into
a glass. I knew it was Murray only be-
cause I had just talked to Hunter in Key
West. Otherwise, the resemblance was
perfectly spooky; in the way he cocked
his head back out of his own smoke, the
way he snatched the holder out of his
mouth and banged it on the big ashtray,
the way he piled fistfuls of ice into the
glass. Even when Linson yelled “Cut!
and Murray stood up to relax, the char-
acter Thompson stood up with him; and
when he talked, it was in Thompson's
unique barking mumble.

Linson looked pleased. He had given
me complete access to the set, for all six
weeks of the shooting if I wanted it,
except for the first day, when he had
asked me to stay away. I understood his
nervousness. Jt was, after all, his debut
as a director, and no one was sure how
that was going to work out. Between
takes, when he saw me standing among
the 30 or 40 crew members, he sauntered
over and the first thing he was,
“You shoulda been here yesterday, It
was crazy. The Doberman went right for
Nixon's balls.”

Ah, Hollywood, I thought. You shoulda
been here yesterday pretty much sums
up all the business I've ever done in the
town. Especially my last visit, the only
time a producer had ever talked to me
about filming one of my magazine sto-
ries. He flew me into Los Angeles, picked
me up at the airport in his Mercedes
and took me to an Italian restaurant on
Santa Monica Boulevard. We talked for
an hour or so, met some friends of his,
and then he excused himself to go to
the bathroom. When he came back, he

said, “Ah, Craig, I'm really sorry to
have to tell you this." Then, just under
the table, he held out his hand and
showed me an empty one-gram cocaine
bottle, I wasn't sure then, and I'm not
sure now, why the man bothered to
show it to me at all, but the effect was
very much like finding yourself in a
fishing boat with someone who sudden-
ly confesses he's eaten the bait. 1 took
it asa sign.

Murray and I said hello between
takes. І told him that his rendering of
"Thompson was good enough to be ecrie,
then I asked him if he thought the ac-
tual Thompson were going to show up.
"I talked to him last night," he said. "I
think when Stcadman arrives, he won't
be far behind." He was referring to
artist Ralph Steadman, who had col-
laborated with Thompson on many
projects—and who, at Thompson's sug-
gestion, had been hired (and flown from
London) to sketch promotional material
for the movie.

Then, when I mentioned it, Murray
said, "I didn't know you guys were to-
gether in Washington that summer
s," I said, "we sat together in the
basement bar of the Watergate with a
Tittle Japanese television set on our
table and watched Richard Nixon re-
sign. Sounds like a triumphant moment,
1 know, but it wasn't. In fact, the whole
thing was a very sick trip. But that's
another story. .

"A Hunter story," Murray said. "When
things get slow on the set, we all tell
Hunter stories.

When they finished the typing scene,
the lights came up on a set at the other
end of the barn. It was thc interior
of a San Francisco apartment, bedroom
and kitchen, and the action called for
Boyle and two nude women to be roused
from the bed by a telephone call, and
then for Boyle to stumble into the
kitchen and make himself a dopcr's eye
opener. While the set was being dressed,
Linson opened the refrigerator door
and said, "Come on. we need raw eggs
and amyl nitrite in here—tet’s ро!”
Then, just before the cameras started
to roll, he bent down to the bed, ar-
ranged the covers so that the women's
breasts showed and said, “All right,
girls, you've been taking mescaline for
three days. Nobody smile."

"They shot the scene ten or 12 times,
till everyone was rummy with it, and
then Linson called а lunch break. Hc
and Murray and some others went off to
watch the rushes from the first day.
Boyle and I drifted to his dressing
room—a motor home parked in an alley
just outside the sound stage.

“This story is right out of my life,”
Boyle said while two hairdressers worked
on the stringy hairpicce that made
him look like an aging hippie. “The
Sixties changed everything for me, just
like they did for this guy Acosta. I got

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into drugs late, had all kinds of prob-
lems. I became politically conscious in
Chicago around the time they almost
burned the place down. I remember the
only night Second City ever canceled a
performance—because the Yippies were
trashing Wells Street.” He struggled for
a minute to get a large silver peace-sign
ring off his finger. “Abbie Hoffman gave
me this ring, I think during the ‘68
convention. Those were amazing times
and Thompson and Acosta were right
in the middle of them. People want to
see this movie. I don't know if Hunter
realizes it, but when this thing comes
out, it's going to change his life.”
son and the others came back from
the screening excited. “It’s really funny."
Linson said. “I mean, even the hard-core
production people were cracking up, and
they never laugh at anything. At least 1
know I'm going to be doing this stuff
for the next ten years or so.
“I'm all smiles now," Murray told me
when I asked him about it.
Tunter," said Kaye, "is absolutely
going to shit when he sees this.”

H
A week later, Steadman, his wife,
Anna, and their five-year-old daughter,

Sadie, checked into the Sheraton-Un
versal, a high-rise hotel that sits on a
small hill directly above the studio. Tt
was Anna’s first trip to Los Angeles. and
while Steadman dealt with the bellm:
she opened the drapes and looked down.
onto the low blank roofs of the sound
stages, prop warehouses and tool shops.
“Oh, look, Ralph," she said in her neatly
cut English accent, “They've put us
above a factory.’

Steadman and Thompson had known
cach other for ten years, and it had
been a lucky friendship for both men.
Steadman was a gifted artist whose best
work was pen-and-ink drawings of the
ugly, the gross and the ridiculous—
which made his the perfect set of eyes
to go with Thompson's voice. They had
met in 1969 at the Kentucky Derby and
their mutual revulsion at the depravity
of the scene had produced drawings and
text that fit together so exactly that they
seemed to have been produced out of a
single tormented imagination, Thomp-
son and Steadman worked together again
in 1970 at the America’s Cup, and
1972 at the Democratic Convention, and
1973 at the Watergate hearings,
ays as outlaws among the press,
always patrolling the weird fringes of
the story they mustered the outrage
is essential to the work of both.
id he liked Steadman's raw
sense of humor and called him “a Gila
monster with a ballpoint pen for a

True to Murray's instincts, Thompson
flew into Burbank a few days after
Steadman arrived, and the first thing he
did when he saw his old friend was to
go to work on his conservative British

trousers with a hunting knife. They were
in a screening room at Universal, along
with Linson and a dozen or so of the
cast and crew, waiting to sce the first
day's rushes, Thompson set his drink on
the floor, took out the knife, grabbed
Steadman's pants leg and slit it to the
knee. "You're in America now, Ralph,”
he said. “You gotta have flair.” Steadman
then politely asked for the knife, took
hold of Thompson's T-shirt and slashed
it from the neck to the hem.

All of which made Linson and the rest
of the company a little nervous. This
was the first they had seen of Thompson
nce they began shooting, and they had
no idea what his reaction would be when
he saw what had already been put on
film. Almost anything seemed possible.

Once Thompson and Steadman had
completed their strange hellos, Linson
signaled the projection booth; the lights
went down and the film came up, the

camera panning a lighted fireplace,
across a sleeping Doberman, past a
dummy dressed 10 look like Nixon, to

Murray, who was sitting at the desk,
drinking, smoking and typing. ("My
God," said Steadman later. "For the
first 30 seconds, 1 got a funny feeling in
my stomach. I thought it was lim."
The typing stopped abruptly. Then
Murray lifted his fist, slammed it down
on the machine and let out a scream
that might as well have come up from
hell. He stood, lit a joint, talked to
himself and paced. A minute later, he
exploded; he pulled a large pistol from
a holster on his hip and began bobbing
and weaving and shooting up the room.
When the gun was empty. he looked
down at the dog and said, *
The animal immediately sprang across
the room and began tcaring at the
dummy's crotch.

Most of the people in the room
had seen the footage before, and while
Thompson sat in the near darkness
smoking, drinking and watching the
sercen, they watched him. Whatever
his feelings, he was keeping them to
himself. At least he wasn't lunging for
the screen. with his knife, nor was he
going after Linson or Kaye, and everyone
took that as а positive sign. Later, they
swore he had been suppressing his
laughter.

Murray was living in a rented house
just off Mulholland Drive and, sensing
that the place afforded what he calls
“wide latitude for weird behavior,”
Thompson moved in with him. Then he
rented a little red Mercedes convertible,
placed orders all over town for the
various nerve syrups and brain powders
he needed and began introducing
himself this way: “Hi, I'm Hunter
Thompson and I'm in show business.”
Linson had promised him $1000 a week
behave-yourself. money and Thompson
demanded his first payment, The pro-
ducer arranged for it and then formally

invited Thompson to visit the set, which
was being moved up the hill from the
studio to the Sheraton.

The next morning, both the entrance
and the lobby of the hotel were com-
mandeered by the movie people. A huge
banner that said WELCOME SUPER BOWL
vi hung across the facade of the build-
ing, and the circular drive out front was
iuered with cameras, sound equipment
and technicians. Extras dressed as foot-
ball fans milled around and the Los
Angeles police redirected the normal
hotcl traffic and held back the tourists,

The action called for Murray, as a
hung-over Thompson, to arrive at the
hotel in a limousine, get out, deal with
the chauffeur, then make his way into
the lobby. When everything was set, the
associate producer /unit production man-
ager, Mack Bing, picked up a bullhorn
nd said, "Quiet, everybody. Let's make
a meat loaf. Action, please.”

The limo pulled up to the curb and a
ck driver jumped out from behind the
wheel and moved quickly to the pas-
senger door. When he opened it, Murray
bolted upright and screamed, “Mother
of sweating Jesus!

Almost everyone was watching the
scene unfold as Thompson, with a beer
in one hand and a newspaper under
his arm, wandered through the spec-
tators and stopped to watch. What he
saw was Murray leaping from his seat,
grabbing the driver by his lapels and
pinning him against the roof of the ca
“I can't watch th said Thompson.

I'm going up to Ralph's room.

Upstairs, Steadman was at a jerry-
rigged drawing table strewn with pens,
bottles of ink and bottles of beer, and
the paraphernalia for rolling cigarettes
out of rough-cut English tobacco. The
drawing he was working on was a special
request. Thompson got a beer, snorted
some cocaine, lit a cigarette and looked
at the sketch. “What is this shit?" he
said. "It's awful,”

“It’s a sketch for Linson's wife," said
Steadman. “She wants to make a button
to give everybody who's worked on the
Thompson looked at

film. It’s a secret.
it again. It was a buffalo head with a
bow on top and printed below it were
the words BABY BUFFALOES ARE CUTE,

“You terrible hack,” Thompson railed.

“You shameless hustler. They paid you

too much for that poster you did, and
out
life

ow you've come over here to tu
this hopeless crap for them. Your
Il be ruined by this, Ralph.

“This won't be the first time—you
ruined my life before, idman
snapped. "I'm not even sure why I'm
here. But I feel like I ought to be
doing something. And don't talk to me
about being a. k. None of us would
be here if you hadn't sold out. My Сой,
Т don't know why I should be feeling
guilty about a
"Everybody's guil

ty,” said Thompson;

233

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h the smell of it.”

“the air is heavy w

“What are they doing downst
Steadman asked.

God only knows" — The
shrugged. “The first thing | saw wa

ay beating up some Negro.”
dman looked at the skeich in front
him for a while. "You're right,” he
id finally, “This isn't good. There's no
anger here, We're not outlaws anymore,
Hunter.”
Well, Ralph.” said Thompson. “m:
be we ought to print up some buttons of
our own.

Steadman's Welsh eyes lit up. “Won-
«erful! We can leak them, one at a time.
till everybody on the set has one except
Linson. I'll drive him crazy.” With thar
Steadman dropped the cute buffalo onto
the floor and began work on a rat that
was vomiting. He worked quickly. stand-
ing back now and then, diving in,
scratching, poking, standing back again
Hunter, Hunter" he
ne point, without looking up from.

his drawing, “I don't know what we're
going to do about this movie.”
Do about i" said Thompson

There's nothing ло do about it. It's
like a huge rit: we're just supposed to
fasten onto it and feed."

An hour later, Steadman had finished
sketches for three buttons that he in-
tended to hand out surreptitiously, be
ginning with the lowliest grips and
makeup girls on the set. The first one
1. coxzo GUILT. next to а small ugly
lo that was smoking a cigarette
id. 1 Aw
FRIEND OF HUNTER S. THOMPSON.
third. which was to be held b
the others were out, ca
picture of the puking rat and s
NOT LIKE THE OTHERS.

Thompson liked them, and that
pleased Steadman, who finished cach
sketch by hurling ink across it from four
feet away. When he was done, he looked
up at Thompson, who was sitting
quietly, reading his paper. "I get i
. "You don't care. You
just don't care—about the movie, about

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1

any of this—do you?"

Ah, Ralph." said Thompson.
ways were the sharpest bast

them all."

The mood was good when the work
done. here was, at last, mischief
in the air, small potatoes, perhaps. but
mischief just th
ing to both of them. Thompson sug-
gested call nearby slaughterhouse
lor a side of freshly butchered beef.
an you faces down ih

You
"d of

me, Ht was invigorat

ot
sec th
with three geeks in bloody white c
pushing a side of beef on a rolling r

In
ntaloupe

asking for Mr. Stead
ıd. the two of them cut
in half and called room service
bottle of Scotch and a big spoon.

That afternoon, "Thompson

n's room

for

went

on had moved
into the lobby, where Murray stood at
the desk, checking in. The as rolled
and suddenly Murray wheeled around,
yanked the midget bellboy by the lapels
ad shook him viciously. Thompson
iching from the back of the
large crowd. Linson spotted him and
wandered over between takes. "Well
he said, “what do you thin
Why am I always beating up Ne
nidgets in this film?” Thompson
ked him.

ain. The ac

stood w

.
Over the next few days. Thompson
vished the hoiel now and then, bur

mostly he stayed at Murray's place. The
house itself wasn't much: It looked like
it had been built by someone who
specialized in nine-dollaranight motels
and was decorated by someone who go
volume deal on plastic flora. There were
so many plastic lowers in and around
the house that when Murray was asked
if a particular clump of mums was rc

he said, “I'm not sure, but they don't
move when the wind blows.

The grounds were a litle bert
‘There was a deck and a pool that over
looked the San Fernando Valley, and
there was a Jacuzzi pit

Thompson spent most of his day swim-

ures. There was the William

den (a small bed of real
flowers that needed water) the N
thanael West Mem
volcanic
Thompson kept burning day and night)
and the F. Scot Fitzgerald Dinne
Arbor (table and rs on a small
deck below a beautiful 100 year-old.

oak wee that Thompson frequently
threatened to. kill off at the base with a
chain saw if his mood got too black).
When he was there, Murray
quiet host. He picked up beer bottles,
made beds, washed the dishes and an-
swered the door to the steady troop of
messengers who came asking for Thomp-
son. At night, usually into the wee hours,
the two of them sat alone and talked
about Mui first film,
Meatballs, had just been released. It was
doing very well at the summer box
offices, and although the critics generally
loved Murray's performance, they were
calling the movie inane and wonderi

y was a

the mo у

at the waste of his talent. He was cager
for this movie to be something more,

and he was counting on
suggestions to help, They
it scene by scene: Was
Could they put an edge on it some-
how? Should they bring in another
writer? Would Thompson write a scene
or two himsel?

They were a day behind schedule
when they finished shooting at the hotel,
but that wasn't bad. Linson looked
slightly more frazzled than when hed

Thompson's
talked about
100 wacky?

begun, but he was still pleased, as were
his bosses, with the film they sat and
watched every night. He was a little
concerned with the overall pace of
the thing—all peaks and no valleys, he
aid—but that was a worry that could
it for postproduction. Meanwhile. he
t Thompson
was taking everything so well.

him famous,"

he told

This time next summer, he could
the cover of
lla few

me.
very well show up on
People magazine, and that'll
hundred thousand more copies of 1

books, which he shouldn't mind too
much. He's not stupid.
Shooting moved to Piru, a hill-country

location about an hour north of Los
Angeles. These scenes contained the dra
tic сих of the movi

Latin revolutionaries at a run-down
and sell them guns. There
ion in Murray's mind whether
or not the action in the script was con-

fusing to the sto

ies, in

light
t sure t made
Nevertheless, shooting began
noothly. Linson took and retook every-
ng five, six and ten times, as he had
with every scene in the movie. "Perfect!"
he would yell at the cut. t's do it

ball, sat in the motor home, drinking,
and became fascinated with the fact that
they had hired one man for the day just
to make sure a few chickens р
the right spot in front of the far
adman began giving out the buttons.
coxzo GUILT was first and as he pressed

them into the hands of the chosen, he
said, “You can’t tell Art where you got
this."

Later that afternoon, Linson asked
Steadman to put a series of tattoos on

the various revolutionaries, and as he
stood ove ms, working carefully
with grease paint to make guns and

kes, he couldn't help commenting on
Human skin makes won-
he said.

doing tattoos now,
said Thompson when he
happening. "You're ruined."
The second day of shooting
. Thompson stayed bel
уз. He said he was depressed.
ı made the trip to Piru, but as
day wore on. he seemed to be slip-
i into a funk, too. He began nipping
bottle of Scotch he had stashed in
his car and grumbling about the comic-
book character of the action he was
watching. Around dusk, about halfway
into his cups. he got Murray and. Boyle
n the same motor home and told them
he thought. This stuff they were
filming was silly. Hunter was not a

huh,

clown. He was a man who loved justice,
and Thomas Jefferson, and Joseph Con-
rad; his work, funny as it мах, had an
underlying seriousness that these scenes
were missing. There was no reason for
the Acosta character to fly out of there
with the bandits. They'd turned Acosta
into a Looney Tunes drug dealer and
Hunter into an idiot and
right. No wonder Hunter w

Boyle and Murray
to Steady
and pr
dialog the farmhouse should be
strengthened and made more serious and
the Acosta character should not fly away
with the revolutionaries. Murray fetched
Linson, and Steadman made his points
again.

Aftate for
Jock Itch

is bette
an's slightly boozy eloquence,
tty soon they were agreeing: The n

Cruex:
Really better.

Ii you've got jock itch and you're still
using Cruex, you should know that
Aftate is better.

¢ director listened, then cut them
Larlo's getting on that planc."
he said, "and that’s that.” Then he took
Steadman outside, put an und
shoulder and told hin n, "Don't ever The medication in Aftate has been
aim, Ralph. These actors are | tested and found to be more effective
sensitive people and 1 don't want you | than the medication in Cruex for killing

vith their heads. Yi jock itch fungus
рны und with their heads. ‘ou The! l P E T ON
not only kills all major types of jock itch
. fungus, but also helps prevent reinfec-
blaze of cinema von: К
battle effects, Lazlo got onto hi or the relief of painful itching and
and the next day, I got onto mi chafing of jock itch, get Aftate

It's the killer.
been on the set for more than two weeks Read and follow label directions
and the only thing that’s ever bored
me worse or ground more slowly than
the wheels of the movie industry are the
wheels of justice.
A few days later, Steadman flew back
3 w begin working his
ished drawings. Thomp-
son. however, stayed with Murray for
another couple of weeks and became
more and more involved with the pro-

nd?

That night, i

10
sketches.

duction, In fact, late one night, he and
Murray actually wrote a scene in which
Nixon and the Thompson character

confront cach other in an airport bath-
room. Linson filmed it using the Nixon
look-alike, Richard M. Dixon, but when
I phoned him a few weeks after shoot-
ng finished, he told me he didn't think
he was going to use it in the film. "It
was very funny." he said, "but weird—
too weird. It took over the whole movie.
There was по way to put it in. 1 saved
the footage, though. and I think Pm
going to send it over to the hives,
because it's so outrageous. It ends with
Nixon sa ick the doomed.

Over the next six months, Linson and
his editor cut and pieced the film to-
gether into a working first version.
Young was hired to write the mu:
Steadman did the main titles, And then,
perhaps because they had never been
through a deadline crisis with him and
wanted to know what the fires of hell
were rcally like, the Universal executives
hired "Thompson to write a short n
tion for the film

When I called him at the beginning
of last January, he told me he was doing

Plough, lex 1979

120) SAVE 30¢ 00)

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41100 100b21

PLAYBOY

236

it with extreme reluctance and for the
money. It was only a [ew hundred words,
nd Murray was going to share the work
nd the fee, but still Thompson і he
dreaded it. For him, writing had always
required logistics and support teams and
penses equivalent to those that had
seen Hannibal across the Alps. This
cc was no different, he said. except
that the potential f chery” from
the studio massive. “It's like work-
ing with the Hell's Angels," he said.
You know sooner or later you're going
to get stomped.”

In fact, Thompson had been antic
pating his stomping at the hands of the
movie people from the beginning of the
project. Several times during the yc
he had said things to me , “1 made
ble mistake ever talking to any-
ne in Hollywood," and "This is thc
garden of agony—cvery rotten thing that
ever happened to a writer in this town
is coming true for me in spades with
dingdongs on them.

Then I would wait for word that the
worst had. happened, that the knife had
been planted smartly between his shoul-
der blades. Instead. there was alw
silence after his dour predictions, which
I took as the sound of another check

cashed. Then somehow things
fine ag;

їрзоп and Murray had begun
work on the narration in Aspen in late
December. A month later, nothing was

on paper, 1 flew the two of
them to Beverly Hills and checked them.
into а ritzy hotel with all expenses
paid— plus everything else. 1 checked
into their hotel a day after their dead-
sed, and still almost nothing
had been done beyond the demanding
of money and the spending of it.

Thompson was in rare form. Almost
the first thing he had done when he hit
town was to stop at a large discount
store, buy a red pitchfork, drive it onto
ihe Universal lot, carry it into Linson's
office and plant it four inches deep
through the rug into the floor—by
way of asking for his expense check.
Linson left the pitchfork where it was,
perhaps to remind himself and everyone
else what he had been through on this
project—or perhaps because he didn't
have enough strength left to pull it out.
He was tired and he wasn't finished yet,
though an ending of some kind scemed
to be in sight.

During the first week in the hotel,
Thompson and Murray spent most of
their time arguing with the studio about
anges and assembling the
nd medicines they needed to
Thompson had
ys dreamed of finding а way to
te that horrible moment. every
aces rolls the first
bleached sheet of paper into the type-
writer. This time out, with a studio full

when he

of equipment at his disposal, he was
especially determined.

It took several da
technician Iri

for Murray and a
nd to build the electronic
edifice that would allow Murray and
Thompson to edit and dub the ending
of the film for themselves, and when
they had it all together, the hotel
room looked like a network control
bunke There were three television
screens, three video recorders and a tape
recorder all wired to one another so
that Thompson and Murray could lay
their words directly onto the film as
they watched it.

The feeling around the studio grew
worse and worse. Thompson was mum-
bling chat the film could not be saved,
that the best he and Murray could do
was put some "moments" into it. Mean-
while, the expenses grew every day by
multiples of several thousand. The editor
broke down under all-night demands
and refused to have ng to do with
Thompson or ау, and everyone
else connected to the project was getting
testy. Thompson fended off all talk of
deadlines by saying things like, “When
you ask a wild pig to go into the woods
and shit gold eggs, you better stand back
while he does it.”

Then just about the time all hope
was being abandoned. the writer and
the actor used the hours between mid-
night and cight one morning to make an
ending of the was as if a great
dam had burst.

Thompson woke me with a phonc
call. "You better get up here,” he said.
“We've done ation, ever
thing. It's a mi Murray answered
the door when I knocked. His eyes were
almost swollen shut and his voice 1
been blown to a whisper by the night's
work. Thompson was rewinding the
tape and was in a triumphant puft

“This the whipsong." he said. "A
complete breakthrough! We've jumped
the typewriters, the editors, the presses!
We've given the film а whole new end-
ing and we did it right here! Oh, we've
flogged the beast home with this one!

For the next two or three hours, we
ched the seven-minute tape over and
gain. Thompson laughed, slapped
his knee, destroyed a chandelier and lit-
erally did somersaults across the room.
Around noon, he got Linson on the
phone. "I think you better get over here
and see this,” he L "We've solved
your whole problem . . . this is a new
high. If you thought the Nixon. scene
was interesting, you better wear a me-
tallic wet suit for this one . . . this could
spike your fucking career to the wall.
Art . . . you have come to whistle
time .. . we have broken the back and
the neck of thi B... Yes, it takes
the mo . we have finally
achieved. meant to do а
along . .

own;

we
‚ we have twisted the back and

the spine of your meaning. We have
made it something warped. I feel at
home. . ..”

What Linson saw that alternoon, and
said he liked, was not only an obituary
for Oscar Zeta Acosta, und not only an
ending for the film; it was also Thomp-
son's comment on the film itself. “Phere
is no telling whether or not it will be
in the movie, because, as far as 1 know,
they are all still down there at Univer-
sal as I write this, probably grunting
and wrestling and threatening one an-
other with pitchforks in the great tradi-
tion of the cinematic arts.

Only time will tell if Thompson ever
got his stomping on this project: he
never got it while I was watching.
though God knows he earned it. And
whether or not the words he and
down that night end the
going to have to end this
their deadline is later

movie, they a
story, because
than mine.

When I finally left the hotel room that
evening, Thompson was playing the
tape yet again—and for days, parts of
it were still ringing in my head, along
with a vision of Mun sitting at his
desk under a huge stuffed bat. smoking
and drinking and banging at the type-
writer while his hoarse voice-over filled
the room with words that bore the un-
mistakable crack and swoop of Hunter
S. Thompsor

Well, I guess if I had to swear
nother, Га

опе way or say he
wasn't insane—he just had strange
rhythms. It's hard to say that

һе got what he deserved, because he
never really got anything, at least
mot in this story, and right now
this story is all we have. He went
away to look for his dream and it
took about a year to find out he was
missing, took another year to real-
ize he wasn't coming back and now
1 guess he's dead. He was crazier
than 15 loons. 1 guess that’s why he
never got olf the boat. Its sad.
What's really sad is that it never got
weird enough for me. I moved to
the country . . . then I learned that
Nixon had been eaten by white can-
nibals on an island near Tiju;
1 mean, you hear а lot of savage
and unnatural things about. people
these days. They're both gone now,
but 1 don't think I'm going to be-

na—

lieve that until I can gnaw on both
their skulls with my very own
teeth. .. . Fuck those people .. . if

they're still out there, I'm going
to find them . . . you hear me,
Lazlo? ... I'm going to find them
nd I'm going to gnaw on their
skulls with my very own teeth. Be-
cause it still hasn't gotten weird
enough for me.

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The Pentax Super

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MY FEAR OF DENTISTS

PLAYBOY

240 think of all the reports

WINNING NEGOTIATION

(continued [rom page 160)

“Power is nothing more than the capacity to get things
done. It’s not moral, not immoral—it’s neutral.”

yout to get to the crux of things,
the limousine pully up to take me 10
all pile in and just as we
irport, we consummare

at the
the deal.
By the way—how well do you think
I did:
Cohen advises people to conceal their
own deadlines as far as possible. Ла
as if vou have alb the time jn the
world, even though you haven't. (And il
you can, take more than you might
have planned, because that extra ише
will pay oll. Try to keep your dead
line exible.) Meanwhile, you should
know that your negoti,
though he is р
though he seems. is abo sweating a
deadline. It may not seem that w
but it's almost always true.

rue E CIGARE

RISONER AND T

Power is nothing more than the ca-

pacity to get things done. I's
moral, not immoral—it's neutral. What
people tend te do is to conluse the

power over with the power to. Power
itself is neutral.”

Where some ol the recent crop of
power books seem largely based on step-
ping on other peopl liz
ior being selfish or unprincipled—one
has the feeling, at least, that. Coh
pitch (not yet in book form, but he's
thinking about it) comes from a some
what lew cynical mold. Pushy he may
be, but likely to be pushy on the right
side ol th

issues.
"Power sed on perception. If
you think you got it—you got i. -
you don't think you got it—
don't got iı. Let me illustrate that point.
“A prisoner in solitary confinement is
king around. holding up his р
little weight.
. Notices the
ing his brand. He walks over to
steel door and he knocks and the guard
ambles up, opens the door—Whadd
want? ‘Td Bam.
guard slams the door. He perceives the
prisoner is powerless. But the prisoner
thinks he has power, ‘Hi, there,’ he says
through the bars. “Let me tell you what's
going I 1 dont get a cigarette in
the next 30 seconds—see this head?
[Cohen points with feeling to his
һсай]—Г gonna bang it up against
that concrete wall; and ГЇ be all
bloodied, and when they find те, I in-
tend to swear you did it. Now, they're
never gonna believe me—but think of
all the hearings youll be attending.
1 triplicate

is l

the

ike a с

се

you'll be filling out, think of
now Cohen's voice is plaintive, indeed]
as opposed to me one crummy
arelte and ] promise not to bother

[and

Can the guy get the ci
ett The guard is doing

tle cost-be nalysis. Why em he

get the cigarette? Опе. because the pris.
oner thinks he's got power. Two, be-
cause the prisoner perceives he's got

ons. Three, because the р is

g to take risks.

opt

willi:

very one of you in this room
gathering of small businessmen hosted
as а customer ns exercise by €

says Cohen

KILL ME, KILL ме

Cohen's advice is similar when it
comes to fighting very big guys: Ask
your adversiry to step outside—so he

will nor lose face if he leis you go;
then tell him, with ıı al conviction,
that if he so much as lays a hand on
you. he'll have to kill you. Anything
less than that, tell him, and no matter
what it takes, you will kill him. Maybe
not then and there, but sooner or later.
ns it, no one really
wants to АШ a guy—so your disputant

may well just tell you to get lost. even

out. Why should he kill you? Or not
kill you and worry for the rest of his
life that you might just be crazy enough
10 stick him with a knife some night or
dynamite his house?

Impeccable logi

Is it posible. how

that the man you are advising
you will be in less than a ra-

tional frame of mind himself—or not
d break you into

1 when negotiat-
isks.

small pieces? It is vit
ing, Cohen says, to take

DELAWARE 18 CLOSED

“People in this society are enormous-
ly allected by signs." says Cohen. "Hf I
were to tell you to do something. you
would evaluate my request based on

your needs: and if the two ol them
meshed, you might comply. But il a sign
directed you to do it, the chances of

your complying would be much higher.
Do you buy that?

“Holiday Inn. The check-out time is
one pM. What percentage of the people
do you think check out by the Holiday
Inn check-out time? What do you thin!
Ninety-fiv
where
you think

that's a

? Fifty-five percent of the people
but 95 percent check out by the

asks Cohen, do you remember
ic Candid Cameras Allen Funt
put a sign up on a major highway lead

"o Delaware—DFELAWARE CLOSED?
“You'd see guys drive up in their cars
and they'd pull over and they'd get out
and heres Fum and they'd go. ‘Hey
what's going on in Delaware? And he'd
say, "You read the sign. The guy says
"Yeah, yeah, but Ive got a family—
when do think it will be open
ain? And so I say to you, legitimacy
very potent

Legitimacy. Cohen has some su
tions on using it to your advantage.
Eg, don't have the price you want to
charge merely in mind. have it typed

ative

you

under glass on your desk. How сап you
change it if it's under glass?

You. on the other hand. should
be cowed by such things. Cohen isn't.

HIS TAX AUDIT

to audit my tax т
с was one arca of questioning
I had elected to
depreciate over a number of years. Now,
the IRS claimed thit number. should
have been 30. Т took the position di
ing the audit that it should have been
20. We're discussing this, the aud
and myself, we're having nice discus-
sions. Suddenly, the a
the right
whips €

nd corner ol a
а large book

"
speaking. he is turning pages. He comes

to onc page, looks up—The book says

30 years’ | get up. walk around the
table, look at the book. 1 say. “Does the
hook mention my name? He says. "Of

course not.’ I say, °1 doi
book. Т say. ‘Otherwise. it would have
my name and my building’ 1 start tak-
ing down other books. The guy says
Tm look
"You

"t think it’s my

© you doing? Т s
book."
t the books.” 1 Why not?
says, I dunno, no one ever did that."
Now, what was that book he h:
That book was mot written in stor

reaucrats somewhere to the best of the
ability to impl ions.
The book itself was the product of ne-
gotiation—and anything that’s the prod-
uct of negotiation is negotiable.” Or. if
you make people crazy enough and are
willing to take enough time—if, that is,
you have no sense of decency, dignity ог
decorum—there’s no telling what con-
cessions you might get. Witness:

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PLAYBOY

50,000 lives in it. It's known as the
nibble. Let me describe it to you.

"You go into an exclusive clothier
in the downtown area where you reside.
You want to get a fine suit. You start
trying on suits. Each suit you ask the
salesman, he says, “Terrific.” You spend
three and a half hours trying on 39
suits. Each one you ask the salesman, hc
says, ‘Terrific’ The salesman is fed up
with you. He's about to blow his cool,
when suddenly you say. ‘I'll take the
one right there for $270. ‘You will?"
The salesman breathes a sigh of relief
and starts writing up the order. He
takes you to a little room in the rear
where they do the alterations—you've

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Beside you as you stand on the box is
this little guy with pins in his mouth,
а tape measure around his neck. He's
taking these pins and shoving them in
your cuff, he's poking you up the rear
and he's always saying to you, ‘This is
a beautiful suit—it hangs very well on
you.’ Wherever you go, the guy's got
the same accent. Maybe it's not an ас
cent. Could be the pins. Anyway, you
get the picture. You're standing there on

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the box, the salesman's writing up the
slip, counting his commission, тап on
the floor shoving in the pins, making
the chalk marks—when suddenly you
turn to the salesman and say, ‘What
kind of tie will you throw in?”

“The salesman stops writing. He looks
at the guy on the floor; the guy on the
floor looks up. He docsn't know whether
to shove another pin, make another
chalk mark—he lets go of your crotch.
Ladies and gentlemen, that’s what we
call the nibble.

"Now, I ask you—what is going
through the mind of the salesman after
the first wave of heat has disappeared.
He's thinking: Three and a half hours
of my time, 39 suits I put on the guy's
back, $30 on a $270 sale—as opposed to
taking four bucks out of my pocket. I'm
going to give this guy a tie and hope
that I never see him арай

“Will you get that tie? Yes.”

Was it worth the effort and demean-
ing yourself? No. Would Cohen have
gone through all that himself? Presum-
ably not. But by using simple stories from
everyday experience, he communicates
better—even to bankers and auditors—
than he would if he told the story of the
two accountants negotiating the treat-
ment of foreign-currency losses in а not
yet cons ed subsidiary. Still, one
suspects Cohen isn't the easiest guy in the
world to deal with—and that he cannot
always resist the temptation to chisel a
buck or two even on the little things.
"It's not the money"—he has plenty of
that—"it's the money.”

POOR HERTZ

“Have I ever shown you my legitimacy
card?" Cohen asks over six-dollar cups of
lobster bisque in his hotel suite. (Six
dollars well spent, I might add.)

Most people know that Hertz and
Avis give a variety of corporate dis-
counts—usually 20 percent—when you
rent one of their cars or if you use their
credit cards. It seems, according to Co-
hen, that Hertz gives IBM 37 percent.

"I find this out and I think it's
inappropriate for me not to get the
same discount."

At most airports, Cohen says, you
need only say you're with IBM and the
attendants don't even check. Off goes
the 37 percent. But at La Guardia,
theyre really sticky. "They say, "Who
are you with? I say, ‘IBM.’ They say,
"Yeah? Let me see your card.' ”

Whereupon Cohen pulls out of his
wallet one of those preprinted cards that
says IBM in the upperlefthand corner
and has Cohen's name typed in the
middle. He was a speaker at onc of
its conferences, where everybody gets
а card under plastic to wear on his lapel,
and Cohen kept the card.

Not only does he get 37 percent off,

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PLAYBOY

246

he says, they throw їп free collision
coverage. Works with Avis, too.

The only problem—evaluate it as you
will—is that you have to lie to get the
discount.

THE NEW HOUSE

Nowadays, i's not enough to issue
orders and expect the job to get done.
You've got to negotiate for the commit-
ment of your organization—gct it bc-
hind you. Otherwise, it can kill you
just by doing exactly what you say—

"malicious obedience.”

What docs it mean to have your or-
ation behind you?
and a half years ago, I lived in
a community in Illinois called Liberty-
ville. A rustic community, acres of land—
thought I was very happy there until my
wife explained to me that we weren't
that happy. She said that area was not
quite right for us, we ought to move.

"Sincc I'm away from home a great
deal, it fell upon her shoulders to move
us. And, you know, when you've been

COHEN'S CRASH COURSE
IN NEGOTIATING

got a meeting in an hour? here's a
handful of nuggets to make you shine

+ Always remember, says Herb
Cohen, that people are different.
They have different needs and they
understand things differently. “In the
Midwest, you tell people a nine-
o'clock meeting—what time would
you have to arrive at such a meeting
before you would be considered late?
You know what people tell me? Eight
forty-five. It's Vince Lombardi time
or something. In California, they say
9:15. In New York, guys say, ‘Ac-
cording to Jimmy Walker, as long as
you get there before it's all over,
you're not late.”

+ Make things personal. "Commit-
ments are never kept with institu-
tions. They're too big, too impersonal.
What's the difference if Chase loses
$100,000? What you want to do,
see—you're with Chase, but you ne-
gotiate on behalf of yourself. A guy
waffles on his commitment and you
say, ‘Look, you told me you were
going to do this, and I told my boss—
you're not going to let me down, arc
you? The guy says, ‘Hey, you're not
taking this personally, are you"
[Plaintive, not hostile] ‘Yeah.’

+ If you box people into taking a
stand publidy, they will tend to re-
sist change. Do your negotiating be-
fore the public meeting, if you can.

+ Similarly, boxing someone in
with an ultimatum is one of the worst
mistakes you can make—unless you
are prepared to back up that ulti-
matum. [f the other party believes
you are prepared to back it up, you
probably won't have to.

+ Its much easier to say no over
the phone. So if you want something,
you'll do better getting it face to face.

+ The caller is always at an advan-
tage—he's prepared, knows just what
he wants to say. If you are the callee,
bury the caller with gratitude for
calling—but ask if you can call him

back. That gives you time to prepare.
Or, if that's awkward, hang up on
yourself. Let him talk a little, start to
answer—and in the middle of your
sentence, hit the button. Must have
been the lousy switchboard. Gather
your thoughts while you wait for him.
to call back.

+ If one of you is going to write
a memo confirming your understand-
ing, you be the one to do it. That
way, you get the initiative, you set
the priorities, you control the situ:
tion. The guy gets the memo and has
five problems with it. "You mean you
want me to do this all over again?”
You are incredulous, hurt, perhaps а
trifle annoyed. The guy has to fight
for each one of his five points and
feels lucky to get three. (If he'd writ-
ten it, the five problems would have
been in his favor, not yours, and you
would have been stuck with two of
them—down two rather than up

note taking. Asks
Cohen: Who's in a better position to
interpret the chicken scratchings than
the chicken?

- Don't be afraid to ask for help,
to say you don’t understand. People
respond to that; it helps make the
negotiations more “collaborative”
and less "competitive" (making it
morc likely that you will both emerge
more satisfied); and sometimes, in
reiterating and explaining his list of
outrageous demands, your counter-
part—perhaps embarrassed by their
outrageousness or taking pity on
you—will let one or two drop with-
‘out your even having to argue.

+ Consider timing. When is the
best time for a hooker to negotiate—
before or after performing her serv-
ices? Anticipation is always (or al
most always, anyway) greater than
reality. ANDREW TOBIAS

out of the real-estate market for seven
years and then come back, you're in for
a shock.

"She's looking two weeks. four
weeks—and, to be honest with you, it
does not bother me that she's looking—
but 1 call home every night. Wherever
I am, I call home every night. I am not
a creative telephone conversation:
by the way. 1 have a standard opening
every night—'Hi, how's everything?"
And I even have a preferred answer,
which is, ‘Fine.’ I always move on to my
second question, which is, "What's new?"
My preferred answer is, "Nothing."

“Monday night, Tuesday night, Wed-
nesday night, [ got good answers.
"Thursday night: ‘Hi, how's everything?"
‘Fine’ "What's new? What could be
new? I just talked to her last night. ‘I
bought a house.’ I said, ‘No, you
phrased that incorrectly—semantically,
you're wrong. You mean to say you saw
a house you liked and you offered money
on it.” "Yes, except they accepted the
money and we got it.’ ‘A whole house?
How could you buy a whole house?" She
said it was really easy.”

It turned out, shortening the story,
that Cohen's wife had made the deal
subject to her husband's approval. That
cheered him up somewhat.

"OK, I get home late Friday night.
I'm up early Saturday morning—the
wife and I are going to this home, and
1, alleged technical titular leader, am
ready to reject the whole deal. We are
driving along and I say to my associate,
‘By the way. Does anybody know about
this home you almost bought?’ She says,
"Oh, yeah.’ I said, ‘Who could know? It
just happened.” 'A lot of people know."
"Whoz "Well, all our neighbors, all our
friends know—in fact, they're throwing
us a gala farewell party.’ I said, "Who
else knows? "Well, our families know—
your family, my family. In fact, my
mother has already ordered us custom-
made drapes for the living room—I
called in the measurements.’ I said, "Who
else could know?’ She said, "Well, our
children know; they told their friends,
they told their teachers; they selected
bedrooms they like. . . ."

"In other words, what is happening is
that the organization is moving away
from the leader. It is the zigzag theory
of organizational behavior. In this case,
the alleged technical titular leader was
in the zig, while the organization was
in the zag.

"What do you think the alleged, tech-
nical, titular, lonely leader did in order
to keep the title of alleged, technical,
titular leader? He ratified the decision
his organization had already made. It
seems my wife knows more about nego-
tiations than I do. When the body
moves, the head is inclined to follow.

"And so 1 say to you: Sce people in

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Y
^

“Relax, lady! As long as she ain't passing
contraband, there's no rules being broken!"

248

context, get the commitment of others in the organization
Find out who's important to you and influence the people
who are important to that person and you'll influence him.”

THE REFRIGERATOR
“IF you

t to deal effectively with people, if you want
to convince them, if you want to negotiate, if you want to
persuade, then you've got to approach people based on their
needs. And that’s all negotiation is. It is meeting the needs
of people

"You want to negotiate with Sears about the cost of a
refrigerator. So you go into Sears and say, ‘Hey, I'll tell you
what—T'll take 20 bucks off your price, but ГЇ pay cash.
Does that work at Sears? No. Sears is not any retail estab
fishment—it wants you to think it is, but in reality, it is a
financial institution, It wants to grab off 18 percent of your
moncy on its revolving charge account. Sears doesn't want

you to pay cash. Does the cash ploy work with somebody,

else, though—the guy on the corner with a cash-flow prob
lem? Sure it does. And so I say to you: Every approach
should meet the needs of the people.”

(In fact, Cohen maintains you can negotiate with Sears
and similar "one-price" stores. Most people don't think so.
so they don't try. But the salesmen are authorized to come
down on prices, to arrange trade-ins, to deal on "floor
models," and morc.)

Cohen speaks of refrigerators but actually has his mind
on larger things, such as labor negotiations, or Salt П

“Find out what the other side's needs are. How do you
do this? You don’t start out when the negotiation begins
people won't tell you anything then. You've got to sce all
your encounters with people not as an event but as a process
You see. we think literally in terms of When docs it start?
It starts April sixth at two р.м. But negotiations, like mental
illness, are a process. When somebody has been declared
mentally Ш at two т.м. on April sixth, when does he actually
become mentally ill? Does anyone think he was fine at 1:59
and at two р.м. he went bananas? Use your lead time to
gather information.

“Also to give information. Why do I say you should give
information? Three reasons. One, it is more blessed to give
than to receive. Two, you've got to give a little to get
litle. Three, when you give information to people. it
fluences the expectation level of the other side. It tak
people a while to get used to a new idea. Throw something
ош to somebody over here—well in advance—and he will
say, "I don't buy that. N You mention the same thing
over here—a little closer to the event—but when you bring
it up. you change the name of it. Do this a few times and
what happens? ‘Oh. That's been around for a while"

“It takes a while for people to get used to any new idea.
Allow for acceptance time to occur.

THE CLOCK

“A husband and wife are looking through an
magazine and they see а magnificent clock. They agree that
if they can get it for 5500, they'll be happy. They spend
months looking for this clock—flea markets, antique shops,
end trips—and finally they see the clock of their
ns, As they near it, they see one potential problem. a
sign that says 5750. One of them is appointed negotiator in
an attempt to secure the clock. That individual walks up to
the person selling the clock and says, ‘Sir, I notice you have
iule clock for sale. I notice a little dust around that sign
on the top. Now, 1 am going to make you one offer and
> offer only and I know it's gonna thrill you very big—
you ready for it?—here it is: $250."

"And the seller says: "You got it. Sold."

"Now, how do you feel when that happens to you?
Why do some of you smile when you hear that? You smile
because you've been there, that's why—and I've been there,
too. What's your first reaction? Is it that you got a great

It started out innocently enough. Fronk
offered me aglass and said, “Try this, Margie.”
! took a tentative sip. | found the taste
dangerously exciting –а captivating blend of

apricots and rum.

!knew''d never be quite the same.

I beseeched Frank to tell me how he
created thiscompelling cone6Gtien. That's
when I saw-theexotic-looking botfle-with a
label thatread: HEUBLEIN ZOMBIE. "

I knew that vas destined fû become
one of my favorfie drinks: \\

And Ifalwoys be grata fo Frank for
giving me'my firs} taste of haw truly.delightful
a Zombie cap ре,

249

PLAYBOY

250

price? No. Your reaction is: '1 could
have done better. I was stupid. 1 should
have started lower." Your second reac-
tion? "What's wrong with the clock?"

“If the seller had been a decent com-
passionate human being, he would have
allowed you to fight for every dollar and
finally settled with you for $497. You
would have been happier.

“I'm saying to you that human beings
have needs beyond just dollars. And
they are different.”

Creative negotiator

„ Cohen believes,

can often turn the process into а “win-
win" situation, where both sides’ needs
can be met. In essence, he says, successful

negotiation lies in finding out what the
other side really wants and showing it à
way to get it while you get what you
Is a corporate acquisiti

he once was involved in for which the
seller asked $26,000,000—and refused to
budge. The buyer offered $15,000,000,
000,000, 520.000.000, $21,000,000,
10,000—the seller refused to budge.
Only after some days, by chance over
dinner, did it develop that the seller's
brother had sold his company for
596.000,000. Suddenly. Cohen's group
ized that m had
money. It wound up working out
ms that fell within its budget but
allowed the seller to feel he had done
better than his brother.

The incident of the clock
vs another of Cohen's basic u

15 oth

its m

so illus-
nets;

Маг! low. Or. if you're selling, start
high. Any three-year-old knows to do
but

that, of course, Cohen
т lower (or hi That
ives you more room to m . tests
the waters and lowers the opposition's
expectations. Of course, if you had been
planning to offer so litle (or ask so
much) as to be downright insulting, this
advice could serve to shitter any chance
of making a deal.

Well, da start that low, sa

says—no,

t
euv

э Coli

тик &

АРЕ

“Ever see people who come back from
Southern climates, who take winter va-
cations and wind up at Northern air-
ports—ever see what they're wearing?
A week away from New York and
theyre wearing muumuus. I myself own
two Mexican serapes. To tell you the
truth, E never thought of myself as bei
with a serape. I don't like them.

“Five years ago, my wife and 1 go to
Mexico City and we
the streets
yonder І see ligh
you know. 1 s
over there, that’s the commercial
I did not come here to wallow
mercialism. You go: ГИ meet you back
at the hotel’ 1 go off on my own,
as I'm moving with the ebb and flow, 1
notice this person approach
ing serapes. He's calling ow
hundred pesos.’ I'm trying to figure out
who he can be talking to. It couldn't be
me—how did he know 1 was a tourist?
1 look straight ahead and keep walking.
The guy walks right up to me—I'm not
even looking at him—and says, "А thou-
sand pesos. Fm still meving. “Fight
hundred pesos.” 1 stop. I say. My friend,
tainly respect your initiative and
your diligence: however, І do not need
pe. I do not like a serape, 1 do not
ire а serape—would you kindly sell
Isewhere the guy's still
following me. ‘Six hundred pesos. I'm
running down the damn street, I'm hot,
ng, and he's chasing me. He
ys, ‘Four hundred pesos.” I'm irritated.
"Damn it, J just told you 1 don't want
а serape—now beat it; "Two hundred
pesos.” 1 say, ‘Whar did you say? “Two
hundred pesos. 1 say, ‘Let me see the
аре Why am I asking to see the se

Ks that way,
going

1с

ре?

Do 1 need a serape? Do E want à

serape? Do I like a serape? No. See how
nges his mind? I didn't think
I wanted а serape. but maybe 1 do.
You зу started at

1200

sec, ghe g

“Take us to your Leda!”

pesos, he's now down to 200—1 don't
know what the hell I'm doin’, but—
I mean, I haven't even started nego-
tiating and already I got the guy down
1000 pesos. Now, 1 find out from this
guy that the cheapest anyone ever
bought a serape in the history of Mes
ico City was а fellow from Winnipeg
whose mother and father were born in

Guadalajara. He paid 175 pesos. 1 get
the

170, thereby giving me
Mexico City.
the street wea
m perspiri

mine foi
serape record Гог
now walking dow
my serape. It is hot, I
but wearing my serape.

He rushes back to his hotel t0 show
his wife. "How much did ayz" sl

renowned — negotiator
picked it up lor 170." She opens the
closet to show n the identical serape.
for which she paid 150 pesos.

“Why did 1 buy that serape? Did I
need a serape? Did ] like a serape? 1
didn't think so, but the streets
Mexico City I encountered not а ped-
dler bur an international. psychological
negotiating marketeer. By some sort of
process, he met needs 1 didn't even
know I had.”

It is Cohen's contention tha
have a serape or two in the closet.

we all

PRESERVING YOUR OPTIONS

А man
house (you
bought) to insta
bill came—5142
minutes, Coh
up the guy a
that's the price’ "M
about it "No—that's

went out to Cohen's new
know, the one his wife
I a couple of locks. The
He had been there 45
says—$142. “So | call
1 he says, ‘Look, pal.
he

‚ "Good.
He says, “Wh:
you'll have holes in the door.’ I
problem: take them out.” He says, 7
about S95—would that sound bene?
1 said, "Yeah

And there, in the
difference between the SI
of us would

relatively trivial
2 that many
ignedly have paid and the
$95 that f ssume for the sake of
gument was а more equitable. price.
nel of Herb Cohen's phi
about “looking
r "winning

lies the ke
ophy. He is not talk
out for number one
through intimidation g the
overnment because it is screwing us.

» people to have pow he
ıd know they
have options. When people are power
less, it’s bad for everybody, Either they
become hostile and wy (0 tear down
the they become apathetic
id throw in the towel. We don’t want

cither one.

or "screw

system о

Ast PRJS
GI

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251

252

LEADERS OF THE PACK

The next time you reach for a smoke, pause а
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treated to years ago—wonderfully detailed draw-
ings of sportsmen, soldiers, sailors, monarchs

and clowns, among hundreds of other images
author Chris Mullen has collected in a soft-
cover volume titled Cigarette Pack Art that's
available from St, Martin's Press, 175 Fifth
Avenue, New York, New York 10010, for S8.95,
postpaid. It’s a book that really smokes.

ENGLAND.

THE SQUEEZE IS ON

The stuff stretched out below is Flexigrip, а
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PLAYBOY POTPOURRI

people, places, objects and events of interest or amusement

ON A TEAR
Poor Yvette. One minute she’s just a simple working girl dusting
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The next time your neighbors have a noisy party, blast them back
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They've recorded it all, from add es to a urinal flush.

GOING TO POT LUCK
Somebody had to do it: create a game
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Pot Luck game sells for $16.95, postpaid,
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samples of commodities are included

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unlimited time to kill may wish
to contact Pillar Point Fishing
Trips, P.O. Box 658, Half Moon
Bay, California 94019, for
information оп а 155-day fishing
trip aboard the 85-foot-long sport
fisher Chubasco that's scheduled
to cast off in November 1981 for
the world’s finest fishing grounds.
provided 15 to 25 sportsmen come
up with $32,500 each. Included
in the Chubasco itinerary are
Hawaii, Tahiti, New Zealand,
Australia, Africa and the Carib-
bean. And the price includes the
cost of airfreighting your trop!
home and all other expenses—
except shoreside dining and
entertainment. Such a deal.

GAME PRESERVE
Los Angeles, that home of expen-
sive toys for well-hecled adults,
has just added another exotic
emporium to its burgeoning
ranks. It's Games Unlimited, at
9059 Venice Boulevard, and the
goodies stocked there—from
antique slot machines to vintage
pinball games and even an an-
cient Wurlitzer—are enough to
make a grown man sell his wife
into slavery. Slots range from
$1405 to $5000; a Wurlitzer is
about $5500; used pinball games
start at $295
ward; and for auto Бий, there's
even a restored 1930 Model A
for $12,000. Prices too steep?
They also have eight-foot-tall re-
production street lamps for 5395.

ad escalate sky-

DUMMIES ON PARADE
Famed ventriloquist W. S. Berger
was no dummy. When he died in
1972, he left the largest known
collection of ventriloquist figures
in the world (over 500), plus
countless items of related memo-
rabilia, all housed in an unusual
museum, Vent Haven, located at
33 West Maple Avenue, Fort
Mitchell, Kentucky. Vent Haven
is now in the hands of a curator
who will arrange for you to tour
this unusual home for homcless
mannequins between May 1 and
September 30 if you call
606-341-0461 and make an ap-
pointment. Since the museum is
free, only а dummy would visit
it without leaving a donation.
And he sure to say thank you
without moving your lips.

253

PLAYBOY

The ЕВ Serving Bar

It will serve Dad long past Fathers Day.

Think of it as an appreciation of Dad. The J&B Serving Bar is made of hand-rubbed: walnut, satin finished and..

protected with an alcohol resistant coating. The clear lucite holder with brass cradle will house your 1.75 liter J&B

bottle. Antique brass hahdles make serving simple and, you can put handy bar implements in the utility drawer.

Each Bar also comes with four fine Belgium crystal double old-fashioned glasses. Ж тїт
To order your Bar, enclose $39.95, plus state and local taxes (price does not include bottle of

JEB Rare Scotch). Please add $3.00 for handling and mailing. Indicate the initials (maximum of

3 letters) to be engraved on the brass plate. Send to: J&B Serving Bar, P.O. Box 1379, الا‎

Minneapolis, Minnesota 55440.
Allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. Offer subject to discontinuation without notice, Offer good in the LSA. Void where prohibited by law

H
|
i
£1
|
i
]
8

“I should have known I was in for a treat when I
saw the spice rack over your bed.”

[LET

ШШ

255

PLAYBOY

256

CRITICS OE „ье

“Windows on the World has the finest decor in
New York; the decor is New York.”

at The Seasons. But then, quite like this place; noil
ny New York restaurants still tious, so grand or so exp А huge
u Тате Rothschild 1973 for dining room holds only 50. Everywhere,
1 bottle? Finish with chocolate you see gold, sterling, crystal and fine
. And don't make ИКАР jokes. imported china. The food is fabulously
12. LA GRENOUILLE—8 East 53nd rich and generally excellent. A typi
Street, New York, New York (219.759. dinner begins with cold lobsterand-
A simple room of comfortable walnut salad or smoked salmon мийей
banqueues and chairs, this restaurant with black caviar, Then comes a saffron
i spectacular sprays of flow mussel soup. Then comes a hunk of
105 also one of the few great / swordfish as high as a layer cake,
wants owned and managed by a poached in green butter. Then a bit
woman—Madame Gisèle Masson. The of sherbet in vodka to cleanse the pal-
food, often compared to tha atc. Then your main dish: say, a boneless
Caravelle, is dassic Big Apple rack of lamb in thyme and ga
for the most part. Lovely ham and mel- panied by tiny fresh vegetable bundles
on, an ample plate of mixed appetizers tied with scallions. Then a crisp green
and a popular dish called Litle Neck salad. Then cheese. Then huge
х tiny clams poached in fruits- Then three or four sinlul desserts.
bso. Then coffee and cookies. Then choco-
lutely nothing wrong with the roast duck, late truffles. Oy! A recent set-price din-
lamb or chicken dishes. And the frog's ner was $95. With mandatory tip and
legs (La Grenouille means the frog) аге tax, it comes to $125 per person without
clearly the best in town, perhaps the wine. A good vintage costs another
best in America: tiny plump legs sau igure 5400 for two, m
teed ло а perfect gold in garlic and Oddly enough. owner Frank Valenza
butter. As at La Caravelle, the soufllés has recently filed for bankruptcy.
make a fine dessert, Like La Caravelle, though the restaurant will continue to
La Grenouille can get noisy. operate.
13. THE PALACE—420 14. WINDOWS ON THE WORLD—
New York, New York 1 World Trade Center, New York, New
There is nothing else York (212-938-1111). This restaurant has

arlic accom-

nest decor in New York; the decor
ugh its window
the World Trade you ge
dazlling. God'seye the most
spectacular architecture in America. So
dazzling, in fact, that you can forget
that the food is a bit erratic. However,
the rack of lamb, red snapper, trout in
pastry and other relatively simple dishes
are usually more adequate. The
r r here, aside trom the view, is
the wine list. Twenty-nine year-old Kev-
in Zraly, a boy ge

шей a list of 600 vintages, in-
cluding one of the finest collections of
American wines in Amer And ш
shockingly reasonable prices. A speci
Cellar in the Sky serves a fivewine din-
ner ($50 lately).

15. LE BEC-FIN—1312 Spruce Strect,
Philadelph Pennsyly (215-732-
3000). Chef and owner
rier takes gr
orders) in this downtown res-
taurant, generally regarded the best
in Pennsylvania. JUs classic ich. cui-
sine, tempered with Pci s skill and
imagination. Appetizers arrive on a
huge serving cart: beautiful raw slices
of beef in a watercress sauce, а light
shrimp pûlê. A fish course might in-
clude the lightest pike quenelles in
America or miniature. lobster
served in a small silver pot or sole
with broad noodles in cream sauce ac-
cented by trufes and red т. For
the main dish, wy the squib мей
h goose liver and leeks. Or the ten-
roast pheasant. Green salad or
cheese are included. Rich frozen Grand
Marnier souflé for dessert. A classic
French wine list. But, warning: No
credit cards. Bring cash. A lot of it, or
your checkbook.

ERNI
Francisco, €

ius of the wine wade,

ner

stew

-847 Montgon
х fornia (1
Nestled in the shadow of
а pyramid, Ernie's is old San
ncisco, done up in Barbary bordello
les of crimson and crystal. Challenge
the kitchen—but not foo h ne-
poached oysters with lecks are del
but а rawscallop-and-warm-water-cress
d here tastes a little like slug salad
n grass. The rack of lamb is flawless
he sautéed sole is as sw
the city. Perfect Caesar salad. Individual
soulflé d baked Alaska make fine
desserts, The
the hostess can be brusque. The exten-
sive wine list emphasizes French vintages.
17. TRATTORIA DA ALFREDO
w York, New York
of New York's
s. this resta
be the best I
in town. All the pastas сом 55

the Tr

ollers wh:

go to press; but don't miss the tiny

то wear his diamonds. DeBeers.

Your jeweler can show you other exciting trendsin men's, diamonds: Stripe baie 0. The cufflink shown (enlarged for detail) is available for
about $2,200 рег pair. Prices may change substantially due terdifferences in diamond quality and market conditions. A diamond is forever.

> meatstuffed doughnuts in cream sauce
о called Tortellini della Nonna (transla. quintessential New Orleans restaur
ings). A hearty set in ig old house in the
a salad costs $3.25. A bouillabaisse- t. Local gourmets
> sh cacciucco is the most expensive in nearby .
æ item on the menu at $7.25, but prices are higher haute cuisine, But Commander's
duc to rise. Specials include veal, chick- is New Orleans. Operated by а branch
7! (n, Cornish hen and duck. Try the of the Brennan family. Commander's
Be chocolate cake for dessert. "There's no serves excellent. corn-and-crab chowder
wine served, but you're free to bring and intense garlic br
your own (a decent wineshop is three with roasted pecans
doors away). Reservations сап be diff- iseum (filets of beet in two sauces) typify
cult to get; New York's food establish- the rich local cuisine. Best of all: the
ment dines here regularly. Alas, owner Sunday jazz brunch, with a funky Dixie-
Alfredo Viazzi prints the menu in Italian land trio and some splendidly rich egg
only. dishes,
18. COMMANDER'S PALACE—1403 19. THE MANDARIN—900 North
Washington Avenue, New Orleans, Point Sweet, San Francisco, California
some of our guest panelists reveal their favorites
Everyone knows Trader Vics restau- side down in the when they
rants, " is the Vic in ques- joned a more delicate nouvelle
оп. His favorites in America: cuisine, The Le Nouveau
[i " Club, New York City become a gastronomic Bible.
‚ New Orleans likes The
New York City and the Oyster Ва
Resta w York's Grand Cs
Maison in
d'honneur, cookbook Jotcl in Washingto
of Resta dy Rooney produces and performs
favorite Am Tor CBS TV's top-rated 60 Minutes. His
1. Lutèce, New York City long documentary on Amer
2. Le Fr is, Wheeling, Minois dining, Mr. Rooney Goes to Dinner,
Le P established him in the hearts of epicures
үт His d o particular
- Gerard's Relais de Lyon, Bothell, The Quilted Giraffe, New York
Washingto City; Palm, New York City; Joe's Cater:
Icolm Forbes publishes Forbes ers, Albany, New York; Le Francais,
azine. He abo p hot-air bal- nois; Chasen's, Los Angeles
loons. And he reviews restaurants—i Yorkers roving reporter
Forbes. His five gourmet, Calv
ular order: Le ained tha
Grenouille, La Caravelle and The "21" — ants Barbecue in Kansas City. Missouri
Club—all in New York City. Says Forbes, is America's best restaurant. His tive
ich them to Paris’ best," са: Arthur
Gaines publishes M
probably didn't know few French chefs
ished go ате bette an J
mber of Confrérie His rest; Roanne,
food s temple of dining. His
favorites: favoi
The Palace, New York City New York City
s, Wheeling, Illinois
Los Ange
4. Tony's, Houston
5. Le Bec-Fin, Philadelphi
He disqu
y. During th
New York gos grumbled,
chocolate mousse!
René Verdon used to be the chef at
the Kennedy White Howe. Then he
1. Dedin-Bouffant turned cookbook author. Now he runs
2. The Palace René Verdon's Le Trianon re
3. Lutéce
New York City
riner, Christian iniaois; Maisonette, Cincin
Millau, turned. France's food world up- geles.
258

(415-673-8812). Owner Cecilia Chiang
gets general credit for championi

exotic northern Chinese cuisine in this
nation of chow-mein eaters. But a lot of
people figured she'd go broke when she
opened in 1960. Instead, she went big
time. And by 1968, she could relocate
lavish quarters boasting Asian art, Ori-
ental rugs and a fine view of Alcatraz.
Sure, you can now get tea-smoked duck,
Mongolian fire pit and beggar's chicken
elsewhere: they became popular her
For the uninitiated, Mongolian fire pit
a sort of lamb barbecue: beggar's
chicken cooks in a day cocoon. The

Man makes excellent chiao-tzu
dump! nd a definitive mu shui
pork (a Chinese taco stulled with pork,

egg. vegetables and а rich brown sauce).
Don't come here for lunch—the service
is slow and the kitchen's getting ready
for dinner. Better yet, call їп advance
and ask Mrs. Chiang or her staff to
rrange а banquet.

20. LE LION D'OR—1150 Соппса-
icut Avenue, Washington, D.C. (209-
-7979). "This is certainly the capit
best ‚ a purveyor of haute
cuisine im the style of Lutéce and Le
Frangais. Chebowner Jean-Pierre Goy-
envalle’s game is game: In season, he
serves venison, quail, partridge, Ten-
nessee wild boar and even bear.
makes a silky lobster stew, str
bass in pastry, duck breast with Ы
currant sauce and all the other conv
tions of grand French dining. Almost
everyone seems to order the giant flam-
ing orange soulllé for dessert. The wine
list, appropriately, includes impressive
Am mong them, Rob-
ert Mondavi's magnificent 1974 Cabernet
on Reserve. Despite tapestries
on the ceiling and the rugs on the wall,
Le Lion D'Or can get rather noisy
In Washington, no onc scems to mind.

21. LONDON CHOP HOUSE—155
West Congress Street, Detroit, Michi-
gan (313-962-0277). This restaurant is
or trom London, and its not
chophouse. It is certainly the best.
Detroit and a fine American-
estaurant by any standards. It's
d clubby; color caricatures hang

ty New
med
ом

England clam chowder,
mussels, garlicky baked
а dozen items, the menu
"forms, are garlicky or garlic-scented).
The sweet fillets of Winnipeg pickerel
nd brown butt
ny fine French
dsome lamb and
dozen sal. тез also а potent
bread pudding with bourbon
sauce. Owner Lester Gruber prides him-
self on his wine cellar, and it's one of
the hnest in / ica. The menu's flip
side lists more than 150 interesting
intages, including 25 cognacs, And each
(text. concluded on page 263, following
"Choice Critics" on page 262)

do credit to
There's

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259

PLAYBOY

260

»
И

“Silly me—when Orville said that you were depressed because you
'couldn't get it up, I naturally assumed. . . .”

You'll enjoy America’s most delicious liquor!

Southern Comfort! You've never before tasted anything so smooth
and delicious. Created by a famous distiller in old New Orleans,

it was the favorite drink of wealthy plantation owners, who
sipped it with much pleasure as they watched romantic
steamboats sail up the mighty Mississippi river.

You'll enjoy it simply poured over ice cubes. It tastes
wonderful mixed with orange juice. soda or tonic water.
It greatly improves the taste of favorite cocktails, too.

Just try Southern Comfort. You'll agree that it’s the
smoothest, most delicious liquor in the world!

SEND GIFTS OF SOUTHERN COMFORT ANYWHERE By PHONE Call Toll-free 800-528-6148 CHARGE TO MAJOR CREDIT CAROS OFFER VOID IN STATES WHERE PROHIBITED,
SOUTHERN COMFORT CORP. 80-100 PROOF LIQUEUR, ST. LOUIS, MO. © 1980 261

PLAYBOY

262

TIOE CK

a guide to ric s four

These are our experts—the gourmets who
pat
in America to produ.
irs great restaurants
the worl

culinary authorities.
Many wear 5 George Lang, for
example, writes about food, writes cookbooks,
designs restaurants, owns two and talks food
on CBS News Sunday Morning. For conven-

isted these multitalented people
in four groups, according to their most noted
skills.

RESTAURANT CRITICS, COOKBOOK
AUTHORS, FOOD WRITERS AND EDITORS

Colman Andrews—Food and wine writer,
New West magazine: co-author, Best Restan-
rants—Los Angeles & Southern California.

The Anonymous Gourmet— Pseudonym for the
resta critic of. The Detroit Free Press.

Noncy Ball—Restauramt critic, The Kansas
City Star and Times.

Caroline Bates—Contributing editor and res-
хан viewer, Gourmet magazine.

Arione Batterberry—Fxecutive
International Review of Food

Michael С. Batterberry—Fditor in
International Review of Food & Wine.
erd-King of American cookbook
authors chef; cooking instructor; food and

iel. The

ior. Chicago Sun-
Times.

Stephen Birnboum- Travel Editor, Lanoy;

vel

editor, WCBS-Radio.
Anthony Dias Blue— Restan
Calilorni:
International Review of
Seymour Britchky А;
of New York; editor/publisher, Seymour Britch-
Куз Restaurant Letter.

WERS-
or, The

York Times Cookbook).
critic, Los
Angeles magazin
Bill Collins-Restaurant critic
phia Inquirer.
Ann Criswell- Food editor, Houston Chroni-

The Philadel-

Lois Dwan- Rest . Los Angeles
Times.

Horst-Dioter Ebert—Restauramt crit
many's Stern nc

Robert Finigan Publisher, Robert Finigan's
Private Guide to Restaurants and Robert Fi
gan's Private Guide to Wines.

Eugene Fedor—Crestor of Fodor's Travel
Guides, including more t

Malcolm S. Forbes Pu
critic, Forbes

Janet ктеп!

Ger-

aurant

ccomamics editor and
ws Plain Dealer,

er, travel proi
director, Mobil

ms,
тате

Rocky

columnis,

Mountain News.
Henri Goult—Celebrated Fri

of France's p

mhor, The Underground.
Gourmet

Milton Gloser-Co.
Gourmet amd The Underground
Cookbook: artist and graphic designer
it columnist, New York

the final course —

Emanuel Greenberg- Food and drink writer,
ayo,

Gael Greene—Food writer and bew-sel
author; contributing editar and
critic, New York n

Thomas J. Haas:
tion's Restaurant News.

Ray Herndon—Rest
Times Herald.

Bob Hosmon- Food critic, The Miami Herald.

Jay Jocobs—Restaurant reviewer. Gourmet
magazine; author, Winning the Restaurant
Game and A History of Gastronomy.

Judith B. Jenes-Senior cookbook editor,
Alfred A. Knopf.

Barbora Kofka—Fditor, The Cool's Catalog;
id food consulta
Isen— Editor
columnist, Chicago magazine.

Carla Kelson—Contributing editor and res-
t columnist, Chicago

. The Dallas

ef and rest

George Leng-Cookbook m
wc commentator for СВУ News
es and

Sunday Morning: owner
Hungaria Restaurant in New York; rest
designer and consultant.

Claude Lebey — Pscudonym for the rest:
of France's L'Express; editor of vario
French cookbooks: producer of a cooking show

Lichine—One of America’s best-known
wine authors and experts; author of the classic
Alexis Lichine's New Encyclopedia of Wines &

Spirits; successful wine merchant.

Nancylee Lyles—Restaurant reviewer, The
Houston Post.

Bob Michelet—Restanrant critic, The Ore-
gonian.

Christian Millou—With Hen: one of

France's most popular food. ind cofound-
er of Le Nouvean Guide

Donne Morgan—Food editor, The Salt Lake
Tribune; president, Newspaper Food Edi
and Writers Associa

Ken Nevhauser—Restaurant cri
Louisville Times

Dorothee Polson Food editor and restaurant
critic, The Arizona Republic; cookbook author

Poige Rense—Editor in chief, Bon Appétit

The

William Rice—Exccu
Washington Post; co-c
America

Phyllis C. Richmon—Rest
Washington Post; author, The Best R
(and Others) in Washington

Terry Roberds—Wine critic, The New York
Times; author. The New York Times Bock of

food editor, The
itor, Where to Eat in

ic, The

travel critic; editor
and author of Egon Ronny's Lucas Guide:
ly noted for his sharp criticism of
airline food amd service.

Andy Recney—Pundit and producer of
CRS-TV's 60 Minutes; host of Mr. Rooney Goes
fo Dinner, à documentary on the American
restaurant,

John Rosson—Restaurant c
Star-News.

Donna Segol—Foud edit

Food

ic, Washington

The Indianapolis

Raymond Sokoloy—Restiura
New York may t former restaurant. critic,
The New York Times.

Anthony Spinazzola- Restant
The Boston Globe.

Harvey Steiman-Food and wine editor,
San Francisco Examiner; author, Great Recipes
from San Francisco.

amt and wine

tar panel

и the restaurant crit-
cookbook

Stendahi—Pseucdonym
ic of the New York Daily New
restaurant-guide author,

Jean Thwaite—Food editor,
Constitution.

Calvin Trillin—Roving reporter, noted for his
culinary observations in The New Yorker maga-
author, American Fried and Alice, Let's

The Atlanta

Eat.
Patricia Unterman—Restavrant critic. San

Francisco Chronicle; co-owner, H:

Merd-Restaurant critic. Chicago

Sun-Times; author, Restaurants Chicago-Myle.
Steven M. Weiss. Excculive food editor, Jn-

stitutions таан
Burton Wolf—Co-editor,

here to Еш in
- author
Chicago Trib-

Fron Zell—Restauramt critic,
une.

CHEFS
Jean Banchet—Chef and owner, Le Francais,
Wheeling, П
Paul Bocuse
chef and owner, Rest:

mous chef:
Bocuse in

amce's most
n

Lyon: 2 consultant: cookbook author.
John Cloncy— Exccutive chef f пее
Book's Foods of Ше World series; cookbook

author: cooking instr
Roger Fessaguet—Hxccutive chef, New York's
La Caravelle restaurant: co-owner, Le Poulailler
restaurant in New York: president, Vatel Club,
опе of the largest asociations of
Edmond Foulerd- Clef and owner,
Houston,
Pierre Froney— Chef borator
many of Craig Claiborne's cooking
culummnist, The New York Time т. The
York Times 60-Mi former
cher, New York's Le Pavi
Jean-Pierre Goyenvolle—(
Le Lion d'Or restaurant, Wash
Robert Greault-Che( and ow
D.C.

inos—Chef and owner. Déjà-
hiladelphia.

Pooletti—Chef and owner
‚ Los Angeles.

f and owner, The Glass
Chimney restaurant, Carmel, Ind
André Soltner— Chl a
Lutèce restaur:
Jean Troisgros—One of France's great
brother, owner and chef of Rest
gros in Roanne.

and co-owner, Chez
mia.

Toni Aigner- resides
1 subsidiary tha
rants in New York's massiv
Center.

Albert Aschaffenburg—Presid
eral manager, New Orleans Pontchari
Hotel. home of the Caribbean Room.

Gilbert Borthe-Owncr, Mirabe:
ramt, Seattle.

rates all restau
Ww

ld Trade

nd gen

Restau-

Joseph Boum—Restaurant consultant, di
former president. Restaurant
Associ projects include York’
Four Seasons, Windows on the World, Bras-
ic, Zum Zim and many more.

Bergeron-Owncr, Trader Vic's restan-

Bermonn-Owner, Maxim's restau-
таш, Houston.
Jerry Berns—Vice-president and co-owner,
New York's "21" Club,
James Brennon—Co-owner, Brennan's restau-
ant, New Orleans
Brody—Owner, the
Oyster Bar & Restau
House, both in New
Robert Buich-Owncr, Tadich Gril
Francisco.
ja Chiang—Owner, The Mandarin res-
m Francisco and Los Angeles

Golatoire Frey Assistant m
of the owning family, G
taurant, New О:

Roy Gust
New Orleans.
Poul Kevi-Co-owner. The Four Se
restaurant, New York.

Jean Lopuyade-Owncr, La Rourgogne res-
taurant, San Francisco.

Alon Lewis Director, Wind
York.

leon ti
New York,
Tom Margittai—Co-owner, The Four Sea-
sons restaurant, New York.

James Nassikos- resident and general p:

n Francisco's Stanford Court Hote
ome of Fournow's Ovens.
Robert neral manager, Se
restaurant, Los Angeles; photographer; pub-
lisher.
Karl Rotesch
Ratesch’s rest
Robert Rosellini Owner, The Other Place
anle.
Louise Sconders- Owner and president, Char-
ics Cal omale, Minneapolis,
Pot Owner. Ma Maison, Los
Angeles.
Javon Trboyevic—Owner, Le Perro
a Nomades, a private dining

nd Central
lagher's Steak

or. Restaurant Antoine,

‘on the World,
N

ides-Owner, The Coach House,

manager, Karl

restaurant,

Houston.

Peter von Starck Owner, La Panetiere res-
taurant, Philadelphia,

Duke Zeibert-Owncr. Duke Zeibert’s res-
taurant, Washington, D.C.

Som Auren-Co-ownc
Sherry-Lchmann. wine sho
food expe

5.
mber
Rótisscurs
and wine societies.

Edword H. Benensen-Invcstniei
er; high-ranking member of Con

Tastevin tood and wine societies.
Vence А. Christion—Villa
School of Hotel Administration, Cornell Uni-
versity; respected food-and-beverage consultant,
Gene Ference—View-president for educatio
ary Institute of America; restaurant co

fi professor,

su
William M. Geines—Publisher, Mad maga-
zine; member Confrérie de la Chaine des RO
tisseurs and other food and wine organizations.
ВШ Leorord— Prcsident, CBS News; formerly
a restaura wer for WCRS-Radio.
pleton—Auorne!
du Tastevi

mem-
ber of € nd other food
and wine societi
Julius Wile—Wine merc retired presi-
ent, Julius Wile & Sons; board of trustecs,
у Institute of America; lecturer, Cornell
Hotel Administration; member vari-
ous food and wi
Roger L. Yos
сап president
Rôtisseurs gastronomic society.

day, more than a dozen wines are
available by the glass.

22. JACKS RESTAURANT—6I5
Sacramento Street, San Francisco, C
fornia (415-986-9854). ious
have owned this place since it оре
in 1861, the current being Jack Redin-
ger. Seafood has always been a favorite
here, in a city famed for seafood. And
the place was considered worth rebuild-
ing after the 1906 quake. It still pro-
duces a perfect version of rex sole
meunière, great little oysters, super salm-
on. There are daily specials, the best
of them induding sorrel soup and leg
of lamb. The banana fritters also have
a large following. Jack's serves various
steaks and chops, but there's a French
touch to it all. There have been occa
sional reports of sloppy service. but the
general opinion is favorable. The decor
is simple, prices rather reasonable. Clos-
ing hour is usually 9:30 р.м.

23. FOURNOU'S OVENS—905 Cali-
fornia Street, San Francisco, California
(415-989-1910). "This may be the finest
hotel re: ant in Ame
ly the personal pride of Stanford Court
Hotel president James Nassikas. And to
prove it, last year he spent $1,000,000
improving the place with a dazzling
glass sunroom. The food can dazzle,
too: The kitchen's ovens turn out a
splendid roast lamb and as crisp a duck
you could ask for. The service is
downright friendly. The desserts are
lavish. And assembled
one of the greatest collections of Cali-
fornia wines in ifornia.

24.-25. L'ORANGERIE-— 903 North

La Cienega Boulevard, Los Angeles, Cal-
ifornia (213-652-9770). This restaurant
might well rank higher on our list if it
were more than two years old. It’s a suc-
cessful French restaurateur's re-creation
of a 17th Century European green-
house—greenhouses of that era being
re akin to palaces than to seed stores.
The French liked to eat amid the
orange blossoms and Gerard and Vi
ginic Ferry scrve splendid food: A sim-
ple salad of bacon, egg and chicory
turns out subtle and rich. There's moist
in a rich wine sauce. On one
night, four kinds of fish have been flown
in from France. And L'Orangerie makes
a mean hot apple tart for dessert.
. TONY'S—1801 South Post
те (713-622-6778).
est
urant in Texas. It serves what they
call Continental food down here: airy
quenelles in a shellfish sauce, lobster
bisque, capon. It also does a pretty fine
job with bec, a local delicacy. The
waiters are so polite you'd think the
place were full of millionaires, which,
of course, it is. The wine collection i:
fittingly grand: several walls of it are
available for your inspection.

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266

CORTEZ AND THE INDIAN GIVERS
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To be continued.

267

PLAYBOY

AIRLINE SAFETY

(continued from page 142)

“It puts one in mind of aman who jumps from a plane
wearing a parachute—and neglects to pull the cord.”

Kunz once again descended too low and
made a perlect landing three nautical
miles short of the runway in the waters
of Escambia Bay. (Kunz wasn't alon
The copilot failed to give proper
titude callouts and the flight engineer
turned olf the device that would have
warned them that they were too low.)
It makes you wonder. If a pilot fails
his regular check ride, what do they
do to him? is that they
irain him until he passes the exam,
unless he’s really burned out. The phi-
losophy is called train to proficiency. It
is no guarantee that the pilot won't
make the same dumb mistakes again—
nothing in the tests ensures that he will
wear his glasses or read the NOTAMs
or observe the dangers of bad weather
Some passengers think weather is not
a problem for big jetliners, either be-
are so large or because radar
tional aids are so sophisti-

The answer

cause they
and navi
cated that a regular air carrier couldn't
have a problem. Ti
First, the laws

possibly weather

docs not work that way

of aerodynamics do not change when
you slap an American or United insignia
on the tail. АЙ pkines are susceptible to
weather. Second, many general-aviation
aircraft have more up-to-date equipment
than that found on airliners. Bendix,
for example, makes color radar for air-
planes, just like you see on television
You won't sec that in most airliners for
some time to come. And. finally. airlin-
ers do end up in severe weather condi-
tions, even if the airlines are not actively
encouraging them to be there. In fair
ness to all pilots. it should be pointed
out that quite often they just don't have
the information with which to save their
own lives.

On April 4. 1977. а Southern. Air-
ways DCS flew into a thunderstorm
the National Weather Service charac
terized of the most severe in
three years in the entire United States
The plane lost both engines and crashed
uying to land on a highway. The pilot
had no business being there,
know exactly what he was

as one

nd no onc

will ever

thinking when he penetrated that fatal
weather situation. There are pressures
on pilots to fly under any conditions.
though airlines and pilots may well deny
it. In this case, in fact, Southern Air-
ways would surely point out that its
own operating manual states, "Flights
shall not intentionally be conducted
through thunderstorms. "o Yer ай
lines make a practice of advertising their
punctuality, and a pilot, sitting in the
cockpit with two other. pilots. watching
other planes take off and being aware
of the 100 or so passengers behind him.

ready to go. may sometimes be forced
into a position of rationalizing а need
to fly in spite of forbidding weather

In the Southern crash, the investi-
gators decided that the engines had quit
because of the ingestion of enormous
quantities of water. Ап ironic
Although the airplane's operating man-

note

ual contained no information about how
far the pilot could glide, he could have
glided to the airport, some 14 miles

away, even with no power. In fact, he
flew 32.5 miles before crashing. Untor

tunately, he flew in the wrong direction
The NTSB said.
unable to determine preci

The safety board was
ly why the

raft about
the west

ing toward

flight crew turned the
180 Dack toward
northwest instead of contin

degrees

EVEN THE COLOUR OF THE
LABEL SEPARATES CUTTY SARK
FROM THE REST.

In a world of Scotches with red, white and black labels, the
bold yellow employed by Cutty Sark stands alone. As does the Scots

THE ORIGINAL CUTTY SARK LABEL
Was DESIGNED BY FRANCIS BERRY
AND SCOTTISH ARTIST JAMES MCBEY.

Whisky it represents. "^ ү
To make good Scotch, the whiskies comprising the

blend are aged then blended together. To make
Sark the whiskies are aged, blended togerner and then
returned to cask to “marry” for up
half longer. And only then bottled. This contributes to
Cutty Sark's unusually wett-rounded taste.

One sip and you will discover that Cutty Sark, like
its label, is truly an original.

CUTTY SARK.” “CUTTY.” THE CUTTY SARK LABEL AND THE CLIPPER SHIP DESIGN ARE REGISTERED TRADEM:
ENGLAND: 86 PROOF BLENDED SCOTCH WHISKY DISTILLED AND BOTTLED IN SCOTLAND- IMPORTED BY THE BUCKINGHAM. CORPORATION. NEW YORK. N-Y.

utty

to a year and A

'ARKS OF BERRY BROS- & RUDD LTD-. LONDON.

Then he had to
a highway. He
А tests do not
test whether or not the pilot will decide
to go the wrong way when he could be
flying safely to an airport.

Neither do they guarantee that the
cockpit crew won't simply be asleep at
the wheel. 7
on September
crew landing at San Diego was just
shooting the breeze, not paying enough
attention to flying. In strict fairness to
the crew, а deadheading pilot, sitting in
the jump seat. was running his mouth,
distracting everyone. But no опе seemed
too concerned. It was a beautiful, clear
morning and they had abandoned the
instrument approach in favor of a

i g they became responsible
for keeping clear of other planes—
which would have been fine, if the
had bothered to look out the window.
They didn't, and ran down two men in
a Cessna 1 well-qu ed pilots who
were doing exactly what they should

the problem

have been doing.

The PSA aew had been warned re-
peatedly about the small plane.
ed the c

The
ash: "According
craft were proceed-
direction before the
g and
ng the Cessna, which was climb-

NTSB desc
to witnesses, both
ing in an easter!
collision. Flight 182 was descendi
overta

ing in a wing-level attitude. Just before
impact, flight 182 banked to the right
slightly and the Cessna. pitched nose up
and collided with the right wing of
flight 182. The Cessna broke up immedi-
ately and exploded. Segments of frag-
mented wreckage fell from the right
wing and empennage of flight 182." The
797% wing caught fire and the plane
began to div pher sr
a picture of the people looking out the
window at the fire, the es illumi-
nated by the orange glow.

The windshield of a 727 ое» very
poor visibility—like the slit through
which a tank driver views the battlefield.
Also, the Cessna is a high-wing aircraft,
which makes it possible to scc what's
vertheless, what is so
ng about that particular acci-
dent is that all the tools needed to avoid
i ilable d in use the time.
It puts one in mind of a man who jumps
aring a parachute—
aply neglects to pull the rip cord.

A look at some of these gross errors of
omission is eye-opening. Because there is
more to the story than pilot error. The
-alliccontrol. (A. T.C.) system is de-
igned, according to the Government, “to
promote the safe, orderly апа expedi-
tious flow of air traffic.” That quote is
from the Airman's Information Manual,
designed to provide airmen with bas

ht information and A.T.C. proce-
dures for use in the National Airspace

System. . . . The manual says, "Radio
ions are a critical link in the
- system. The link сап be a strong

bond betw

n pilot and controller—or
it can be broken with surprising speed
and disastrous results.

The accident report after the San
sh offers this: “The evidence
there may be a communi-
ap between pilots and con-
wollers as to the proper use of the
system. The A.T.C. controllers
le for, and are required to
procedures contained їп

the

apply.
handbook 7110.65A in their control of
waffic. Despite the fact that the success-
ful use of these procedures requires a
mutual understanding on the parts of
pilots and controllers of the other's re-
sponsibilities, pilots are not required to

read handbook 7110.65A.'

If the book that explains the proce-
dures is not being read by pilots, the
controllers might just as well talk to
the stewardesses. Then at least the pilots
would be free to look out the window.
The fact that the NTSB cautiously al-
lows that "the evidence indicates that
there may be а communications gap
equally frustrating to anyone interested
If a dair collisi:
at the time the largest crash in U.S.

in air safety.

ion—

PLAYBOY

270

history—is not clear evidence that there
is a communications gap. what is?

That is especially true if you realize
exactly what took place that day. The
conwoller issued a traffic advisory, tell-
ing the PSA captain where the Cessna
was. There is evidence that the con-
troller gave the wrong position for the
Cessna in question. Other planes were
in the area. We'll never know what
the captain saw, but he acknowledged
seeing something, which the controller
interpreted i

to mean that the conflict
had been resolved. Subsequent advisories
were given to PSA 182, at least one of
which may also have been wrong.

The pace in which PSA 182 was
operating contains a restriction that jets
be kept above 4000 feet. The controller
allowed flight 182 to descend below that
(impact occurred between 2000 and 3000
feet). The controller had a "conflict
alert system" that, by computer, pro-
jects the paths of aircraft and lets the
controller know when they might come
dangerously close to one another. There
ıs a blaring horn, or klaxon, and a
visual signal: The
flash off and on on the radar screen.

Tn the case of PSA 182, someone must
have turned down the volume on the
warning horn, because the tape record-
ings from the control positions did not
pick up the sound of any klaxon. As for
the blinking "data block," cither the
controller didn't see it or he ignored it.
During legal action resulting from the
crash, the attorneys representing families
were closing in on that area
tion. The following control-
tower action took place just prior to the
collision. The sequence of events is in
Greenwich mean time. The quotes are
transmissions of the air-traffic controller.

1600:31— "Eleven Golf [the
traffic at six o'clock
eastbound, PSA jet inbound, has
you in sight.
1601:01—"Hey, whats this? I see
Spike has some competition in the
facility
1601:28— The conflict-alert system
went off. according to records, but
no sound was heard on tape.

1601:47—Eleven Golf, traffic in
your vicinity.”

And then the crash occurred.

PRE

PRESCRIF

“Shall I wrap it, or do you want to pop them here?”

‘The reference to Spike was explained
by the controller himself during a sworn
deposition, “Spike is a fellow controller
that I work with. He kind of buddies
up to the higher-ups in the facility, and
we have a new fella that came into the
facility that moves right along the
tracks.” The attorneys d that in
order to sce that “new fell from his
scope, the controller would have to have
been turned around in his seat. The
controller has denied taking his eyes
from his scope.

During the NTSB hearings, this ques-
tion was put to the controller: “Prior
to the 25th of September, had you ever
personally gi conflict alert, an alert
warning?” Th ad he ever told the
pilots of the aircraft involved in the
alert?
nswer: “No, I've never given a warn-
ing.” At the time, the controller had
been at that facility five and a half years.

Belore the attorneys were allowed to
present their evidence in court, how-
ever, the FAA lawyer admitted
which kept the case from progressing
any further. The NTSB report, which
nsiders have called a whitewash, blithe:
ly stal "he conflict-alert procedures
in effect at the time of the accident did
not require that the controller warn the
pilots of the ft involved in the con-
flict situation." One might reasonably
ask—even if the controller knew what
was going on—what the expensive warn-
ing system is for if everyone using it
may simply elect not to issue the warn-
ings, as this controller admits doing as
long as he’s been using it.

While all that was taking place, the
copilot was asking, "Are we clear of
that Cessna?”

The flight engineer said, “Supposed
to be.”

The captain said, "I guess" and
everyone thought that was real funny.
They all laughed.

The pilot in the jump seat said, “1
hope.” And about 20 seconds later, they
found that Cessna.

Both planes were under radar sur-
illance. The NTSB in: “The capa-
bility existed to provide . . . separation,”
but "Stage II terminal service does not
require that either literal or vertical
separation minima be applied between
ТЕК and i g VER. [visual
flight In other words,
nning

ach other was not required, so it
"t done. The list of steps that could
have been taken is long and frightening
"The end of the cockpit voice recording
is not long, merely frightening:

have we got here?
COPILOT: It’s bad.

keeping those two planes from т
into

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271

PLAYBOY

copiot: We're hit,
hit.

CAPTAIN: Tower,
down, this is PSA.

Tower: OK, we'll call the equip-
ment.

UNIDENTIFIED VOICE: Whoo!

(Sound of stall warning and ex-
pletives)

CAPTAIN: This is it, baby.

UNIDENTIFIED VOICE: Bob. . ..

captain: Brace yourself.

man, we are

жете going

voice: Hey, baby
voice: Ма, 1 love ya.
(Impact)

Tn all, 144 people were killed, includ-
ing seven on the ground. Twenty-two
homes were destroyed.

I sat and talked with a retired high-
level FAA official about those and other
crashes, the baflling waste of lives, the
sometimes astonishing inattention and
blundering. “It's the reason 1 quit the
FAA,” he said. “My heart couldn't take
it anymore. If Td thought I could
е done any good, Га have stayed
with the agency.” But 40 years of trying
had done nothing but give him a bad
heart

Most air crashes are a collaborative
effort. Big jets are generally well-made
machines; pilots and airtrafic con-
wollers are generally competent. So a

lot of people have to cooperate to bring
down an airliner. In the PSA crash, for
example, four men in the 727 cockpit
collaborated in not seeing the Cessna,
the controllers offered assistance by issu-
ing imprecise or inaccurate advisories
and by not seeing or not issuing the con-
flict alert, the FAA helped by not mak-
ing the alert system а useful tool and by
other quirks of rule making
not requiring pilots to read the book
that tells how to talk to a controller.

The men in the Gessna may even
helped a little by not asking themselves,
“If E am being issued as traffic to а 727,
just exactly where is u old jet
now?” Because for the Cessna, а colli-
sion with the 727s wake could have
heen as disastrous as the actual collision
with the plane. Everyone lent а hand.
As Gerald Sterns, a top aviation attor-
ney, put it, "I hey must've sat up nights
to do this ont

Another joint-effort crash occurred on
March 10, 19 and it is a good illustra-
tion. Swift Aire Lines flight 935 from
Los Angeles International (LAX) to
Santa Maria twin-engine prop
plane. It went down in Santa Monica
Bay because the crew, having lost one
engine (no big problem there), inad
vertenily shut down the sole remaining
engine.

How, you may well ask, could anyone

such as

ive

was а

possibly do that? The same question was
asked by the NTSB, the air carrier, the

surviving families, the insurance com
panies, the aircraft manufacturer, the
FAA and a lot of reporters. And, fur-

thermore, having done
stupid, why didn't the crew just restart
the good engin:

“The enginerestart procedures con-
tained in the aircraft operating manual
did not contain sufficient information to
effect a restart"—even though "there was
enough altitude and time available for
the crew to get a restart.” Thats from
the NTSB. The manual that does not
tell how to restart an engine in flight
and the flight crew using it were both
certified by the FAA as safe and reliable.
The manufacturer wrote it, the FAA
read it and said it was fine, the a
bought the plane, learned to use it,
trained its crews: the crew accepted
and flew it into the bay.

The FAA and the manufacture
(Nord) can protest all they want, bu
they cannot escape the fact that they
produced a flight manual that w:
put it politely, inadequate. Pilots, toc.
can protest, but the Swift Aire
demonstrably did not know how to op-
erate that. plane. Airline executives wil
further protest that Swift Aire Lines is
not a scheduled air carrier,
muter airline. But passengers find those

something so

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distinctions difficult to appreciate when
the airline takes their money and flies
them into the ocean.

The manual for that plane is not

unique. If you lose all engines in a
large jet, for example, how far can
the pl Its not in the manual.

Manufacu say that its not im-
portant, youre going to go down then
and there anyway. They also say that
the chances of losing all engines are
infinitesimal. That's probably true—un-
il it happens. Maybe if the pilot of
at South rways DC-9 had known
he could glide 32 miles, he would have
gone the 14 miles to the runway instead
of turni from it. A National

flight 15 out over the АЧ
(with no life rafts, incidentally), on its
way from ark,
lost all ч

made а procedural error in the process
of fuel transfer that starved the engin
Luckily, they got a
lines had reported this type of problem
to its pilots but not to other airline:
d a DC-8 belonging 10 United just
plain ran out of fuel one day near Port-
land, Oregon. The crew had not been
told about a builtin fuelgauge error,
even though United knew it existed.
Once again, statistics do mot provide
much comfort in those circumst:

Another ual that is—or wi

ficient is that of American Airlines for
In the crash of flight 191,
that the captain did ex-
actly w the manual told him to do—
nd it resulted in the loss of the air
There is a great deal of controversy
about whether or not y rightaninded
pilot would follow the instructions in
that manual, and those instructions were
recognized—after the crash—to be so
badly deficient that the manual wa
changed. A more detailed discussion of
that will follow, but the fact re-
s that the manual contained in-
structions that could be fatal. Whether
or not the captain followed them is a
matter of debate. He is not available for
comment.

•

Japan Airlines flew a DCS ош of
Anchorage, Alaska, on агу 13, 1977.
It reached an altitude of 160 feet before
ing and crashing. The cap
drunk. He was observed in a
the way to the airport exhibit
tal confusion, dizziness, impaired bal-
ance, muscular incoordination, stagg
gait and slurred speech.” Once behi
the wheel of that DC-8 (how he got that
far is anyone's guess), he became lost on
the surface of the airport and taxied to
the wrong runway, where he reported
ready for take-off. When the tower fi-
nally shepherded him to the correct run-

way, he flew

the plane out to an almost
mmediate s а

him, though e
his condition And il
you're th was just some undisci
plined Japanese pilot who didn't know
how things arc run in this country, the
captain's name was Hugh L. Marsh.

United Airlines sent up а DC-8 on
December 18, 1977, from San Francisco
bound for Chicago, with an intermediate
stop in Salt Lake City. While holding
for the approach to Salt Lake,
flown 7200 feet into a mount:
was 7665 feet high. The results of two
toxicological tests, verified by the Armed
Forces Institute of Pathology, revealed
that “the second officer would have to
ve had the equivalent of seven to
eight ounces of 80-proof alcohol in hi:
body when he left the hotel to report
for duty . . . the degree of impairment,
if any, of the second officer's physio-
logical and mental faculties could not
be determined." Just for the record, 1
would suggest that i
ested in determining the degree of im-
pairment caused by seven or eight ounces
of 80-proof alcohol should try knocking
back seven or eight shots of bourbon
and then seeing if they can leave the
bar, let alone the hotel.

Although the official and probable

PLAYBOY

274

cause of the crash was the failure of the
crew and the controller to communi-
cate effectively, the finding is nonethe-
less interesting, since Federal law
specifically states that at least eight
hours must clapse between the consump-
tion of any alcoholic beverage and the
beginning of a flight. Most airlines have
their own rules as well, some extending
this to 2f hours. И United Airlines
cannot assure its passengers that a flight-
deck crew member is sober, who can?
Certainly not the FAA. Probably no
onc. I called United to discu: safety,
but before I could even begin. 1 was
told by spokesman Marc Michaelson:

n't a lot of information on
airlinepilot alcoholism, though Dr. J.

Robert Dille, the head of the Civil
Acromedical Institute (CAMI), says,
"There's no reason to think the nati
figure doesn't apply to airline

‘That means six to ten percent of a
pilots could suffer from this discas
don't have access to airline pilot:

number of formerly alcoholic a
pilots are flying regularly now. lı
been rehabilitated. They fly under
special exemption that requires regular
checkups and careful monitoring. “Ber
ter to have them out in the open and
than go undetected, continue

І interviewed a senior-level American
lines captain, who confirmed that.
We've had a number of cases where
we've actually had to take over from a

guy and move crews up to cover him,”
he says. “The guy who is the real prob-
lem is the one who drinks on the QT
and no one detects it for a long time—
drinks actually on the airplane some-
times. We've had cases where the flight
attendants 't allow the captain to
Ik. past the open containers of vodka
and gin, and so on. They watch him
caretully when he goes into the wash-
room. We have terminated people like
that. We've lost some.

And while the airlines understandably
remain silent on the subject, CAMI and
the FAA's Office of Aviation Medicine
discuss it openly. “It’s treated like any
disease,” says Dille. One of the problems
CAMI faces is that no check exists that
will show who is and who isn't alcoholi:
“The best test we have today for alco-
holism,” says Dille, “is that if a person
has had two arrests for D.W.I. [driving
while intoxicated], there's a good chance
he is an alcoholic. This test has proved
10 be about 73 percent accurate." Since
neither CAMI nor the Federal Air Sur-
geon has access to police records, all
alcohol rehabilitation must be done on
a voluntary basis.

An article by Barton Pakull,
psychiatrist. for the Office of Aviation
Medicine, says that the situation has
improved greatly over the past ten years,
when no pilot would admit having an
alcohol problem for fear of being perma-
nently grounded. Now, he writes, “Ov
250 airline pilots have been returned to
flight duties in the past three years."
Until fairly recently, any alcoholic pilot
wishing to return to duty would have to
abstain from drinking for roughly two to

chief

five years, “It is now po
Pakull, “for a commer
sponsored by an
department, to be co
emption and return to duty within three
months after completion of an initial
intensive rehabilitation program.”

This information is not meant to alarm
passengers or exaggerate the problem.
Programs such as those mentioned above
are а definite step toward improved
safety. But as an air-transport pilot says,
“People don't seem to realize that pilots
are just people. Some of these
captains don't even like to fly. They've
just gotten into it because of the mil
or the money or some other reason. /
it’s too late to get out.”

One stunt pilot tells me, "You know,
people don't realize how many pilots
are actually scared of flying. They don't
like being in airplanes.”

Yet Tom Wolle, his bestselling
hook The Right Stuff, talks of that
ineffable quality of certain flying men
that is at once thrilling, fright
admirable and confidence inspiring.
Most passengers assume it is with that
stuff they are flying when they go any-
where at all, the right stuff is a
prereq That, of course, is why
Frank Borm: the former astronaut,
makes a perfect head for Eastern—to
project that age and further that
myth,

And it is a myth. Promoting airline
pilots as superhuman is like promoting
an
with Wally Dallenbach and
Rutherford. That is not to say 0
line pilots are not good pilots. You'll
nd that if push lot of
them could put down а 717 with ten
slick tires on а rain-swept skating rink
and not kill anybody.

But there's nothing in the rules, noth-
ing mandatory in the training. that
guarantees that level of skill. 1 know
two cap hang а
kerchiel over the copilot’s instrume
ake him 14
"These guys complain whei
one says. "They say, ‘We're supposed to
use all these instruments for landings.”
But the guy who wrote these rules neve
had to 1 jet with his electrical
system gone to hell.” ‘These captains are
working to breed some of the right stuff
in their copilots. Sadly. they are violat
ing the rules to do it.

This may draw m of protest
from some pilots, but this artide is
not written for them, This is for the
passenger, for whom it may be valuable.
perhaps vital—to realize that there
more to flying than chicken. Kiev
some 60 Minutes reruns. Most passengers,
if they genuinely understood flying,
might never get on a planc. In fact, 37

ite.

age that equates railroad engineers
Johnny

^ to shov

ns who do thi

nd a bi;

а мо

percent of the American population will
not get on a plane. Another 11 percent
fly only when they have to—"Like, to a
funeral,” says leading aviation attorney
John Kennelly.

“Passengers must be subtly coa
onto airplanes.” says tl
Institute of Worth
ишу independent
in the United States today. Why do you
suppose the oxygen masks arc hidden
in the ceiling of the airplane, instead of
hung by your seats where you can reach
them, as they are by the pilots’ seats? No
one wants to see them. Why do only the
a have shoulder harnesses? No one
wants to think about the possible need
for them, And that is at the heart of
numerous safety problems. Because until
passengers demand а more rational а
line industry, they won't get one.

б
"Punchin' and jammin,” they call it.
"movin' iron,” punching them out and

them in. Ai
n interesting professi
(as one controller told me) "you
to be strapping 200 tons of alu
to your fanny

They have their own 1.
own style, and it takes a while just to
talk with them. It may take years to
drink with them—at a recent gathering:
of "the brothers," as they like to call
themselves, they told the hotel to double
the normal liquor order. The hotel man-
agement thought that ly а
macho gesture. But the draft beer ran
out in the first hour. The liquor ran
out in the second. One controller leaned

jammin trol is

guage, their

was mer

on the vaiting for the delivery
truck they'd. been promised, and told
the bartender: “This is really a nice

€ fora
g one hei

Onc ol the first things y notice
in a big, hot, action-control-tower cab is
oll music playing fr
a radio or a tape deck. It's not turned
up loud, but it’s there, almost like a
reminder (“When everything goes
wrong, you have to go on, and do it or
- On top of that, every person
there is whistling a diff t tune or
humming something, working his posi-
tion and tapping a pencil or his fingers
or his foot (or both feet); the entire cab
sounds like a quiet, metallic insect cà
ony backed up by the Adanta Rhy
Section or the Eagles or
stadt. The immediate impression is that
something is about to happen, bu
course, you don't know what it i
makes you feel that if—God lorbid—
some fool should drop a glass, you'd
have six or eight coronaries on your
hands. During my recent visit to Opa-
Locka, Flori
iest general

You ought to consider

Че.

la—one of the country’s

tion

airports—an

outbound plane reported that it was re-
turning due to rough engine operation
and one of the controllers next to th
local position had her hand on the red
phone, her eyes wide, the white showing
above and below the irises. It was а few
seconds of the most intense anticipation
and tension I have ever seen. Yet the
humor—the language—is always there.
Eastern sebendy-six, you'll be nu
ber behind th
said the controller at Mi;
ic |. Condor 1
tionate word for the E
known as the hog or the conaete eate

two

At Los Angeles, when an internatio

747 leaves, they call it a nd-dune de-
partur ise the pl 5 so low
when rs the end of the runway

ke kicks up а sandstorm. For

s largest of the world's p i
there just y adequate

ays. The 747 can gross out at some-

thing like 400 tons.

You can sit up in the O'Hare Tower

go and watch the oft

n count

the Honolulu bomber, as they call
United flight 111, а 717 that is generally
well loaded with humans and

when it leaves every day lor Los 2
nd Hawaii. Runway 39 Left has seven
numbered exits that intersect it, and it^
not nearly k ough lor the Hono-
lulu bomber. “Cleared for the take-olf,
the controller then laughed.
to the others in the tower. “1
say she'll take to Vg." meaning
the point h the nosegear lifts
will be at the last taxiway, which is just
about the end of the ranway. The п
gear will still be on the ground.

“It was seb'm yesterday, wudd'n it?
another controller asked.
nd then they counted in unison, all
eyes on the bomber, as it rolled out,
faster and faster, eating up the concrete.
When it finally lifted its nose wheel at
the seventh intersection, they all cheered.
They joke a lot, but they know: H the
Honolulu bomber ever had to stop, why.
good luck. "It could ruin your entire
day." a controller told me, and then
nly and reached for the ant-
—a family-size box left out on
the counter in so many towers.

Controller locutions: Getting drunk
is called "goi At O'Hare,
where small e not particularly
welcome, an entire section is reserved
for them where the strips containing
identifications 1 flight, plans are
stacked. Н AIR TAXI—FLIB. CIT
FLIB is an acronym in а world fraught
with acronym: i

said and

seve

ntive than tlic FAA—their employe —
would like. After cl Avi

DCS (a plane easily recognized in the
air by its our thick. black smoke trails)
for take-off from Miami, the controller
watched him sit and do nothing. He
cleared him again and still nothi
pened. Finally, he shouted into
mike, “A-vian-ka, you gonna show

his
e

can be macabre, too: А
pilot who goes down with his plane is
called dead right if it isn’t his fault: and
the decorative longitudinal stripe around
some airplanes is referred to as the
water line. (The pilots aren't without
their humor, of course. Asked il he
could descend to 12.000 feet in the next
20 miles, a British capt 39,000 feet
responded laconically. "Yes, sir, but I

The humor

атаа 1 bring the aircraft with
тег)
But this image projected by the р

fessional air-trallic controller and hi
umon (PATCO) is just a little too de
licious: Those crazy guys who rum the
tower, real pros, real crazy. PATCO
even put out a manual for its members
to show them how to manipulate the
pres. When the humor falls
though, when the jokes get old, when
they shelve the hype manual and sit
down for a serious talk, being around
group of air-trallic controllers сап be
ike hanging out with the P.LO. on
planning day. Saying controllers are
nilitant is like saying Idi Amin had a
short temper. These people, once lowly
adio operators, have turned modern
aviation into a bitter war. Nobody 1s
winning and the real issues lie buried
and depend Lugely on where vou go
for information, The only participant

with no say in the matter is the р
senger, who pays controller salaries.
pilot salaries and FAA management sal-

aries; coni

nd who, for all
to their livelihoods, sometimes gets cut
down in the cross fire.

There are many points of view, but
the three most apparent are those ol
PATCO. the pilots and the FAA bosses.
To PATCO, pilots are ungrateful prima
donnas, chimpanzees in space capsules
pushing a few buttons and getting 100
Ti Big Brother
nified. an inhumane, repressive ob.
stacle to safety and harmon

To the pilots, the PATCO brothers
are civil servants. no more, no less. They
re sitting salely on the ground. “We
the first to the scene of the accident,”
pilots are fond of saving. “No controller's
ever died falling oll his stool. And they
don't do such a hot job, either,
pilot may tell you, “Let me take you up
on instruments and watch them lose us.
ned with
es about. politics, overcom-
ig and profi

And the FAA? It's not conce
safety. It ca
plicated rule

ble ai

carriers.
The FAA claims its goal is safety—

275

PLAYBOY

but that
tween the
We're just another agency asking for a
handout from Congress. goes the FAA
line; if we mandated every safety im-
provement they asked for, sure, it would
be a little safer. But it would also cost
5500 to go from Miami to Palm Beach,
ind we'd still have an occasional crash
(which is all we have now, anyway).
‘This internecine war certainly isn't
promoting safety. When I went to
Miami to visit the air-trafficcontrol facil
ities there, my presence caused a lot of
problems. A controller had invited me—
and the FAA management has strict dibs
on reporters. When the FAA learned

it's caught in the middle be-

pilots and the controllers,

that I was there, it mounted a massive
handholding campaign to make sure 1
got the official tour, several con:
trollers were ordered not to talk to me.
This, naturally, made the controllers
more cager 10 talk, which led to several
secret latemight meetings with some
PATCO members. They said they want-
ed to alert me to some safety problems,
which they did. But their militant at
titude was a bit disconcerting (“How'd
you like to be up there in a plane when
І decide 10 ram a screw driver through
something?” 1 was asked by a technical
man PATCO had invited to the meet
ing). The phrase criminal m
s tossed about in reference to FAA

and

ence

inaction in the [ace of scrious equip-
ment faults.

On one day. Carlisle Cook, deputy
chit Miam Air Route Traffic
Control Center (4.R-T.C.C., also called
۸ Center), took me on the grand
tour of the facility. He showed me the
great computer room, an acre of equip
ment PATCO told me was so outmoded
it could not be relied upon. Cook pooh-
poohed this with a smile, saying they

ef of the

were replacing it. "Wanna rent some
space?" he laughed, indicating that the
newer, smaller computers would need

only a corner of this room. I was con-

vinced PATCO had
problem

That night I told the PATCO mem-
bers what Cook had said.
there and ask

exaggerated the

fou go back
him what date those coi
puters аге being replaced,” one techni-
cian told me. “And come back here and
tell me the brand and model of equip-
ment we're getting."

Cook hithered thithered a lot
when I asked the question,
thing about maybe in 1987 they might

and
said some-

have something and admitted that they
had no idea what kind of equipment they

were going to put in. In fact, I asked
FAA Administrator Langhorne Bond
the same question. and he said that

computer companies were even reluctant
to bid on the design of these computers—
a design that hasn't even been decided
yet. The companies are apparently wor-
ried liability if somebody gets
killed. Bond said that by 1985 something
might be worked out and by 1990 they
hoped to have some of the new systems
running. He admitted that revamping
the АЛС, computer system was a monu-
mental project. Aviation Week said in
its November 26, 1979, “FAA's
schedule does not call for introduction

about

issue,

of a new-generation computer
until the late 1980s" So
Cook's real-estate business.

system

much for

Considering how ragged the present

system has beo ts no wonder some

people in the FAA are trying to keep

е,

сошгоЦаз from talking to the press
The equipment docs fail—often enough
to merit attention
this

To understand what

means, you have to understand
something about how it's all supposed
to work.
When you
your p
Route
troller
120 in
while talkin

re flying acros country,
in contact

n with an Air

Trafic Control. Center.

A con-
(and there n
center)
to the pilot
is displayed on the

һе as many as
watches a

one scope

The plane

scope as a data
block—numbers and letters. describing
who he is, his altitude, speed, and so
on. The data

But

is generated by a com-

when the computer

puter, fails,

"It not only saves [uel and decreases pollution—
it makes you feel horny as hell."

277

nuing, frequent practice in the
mp-boat system of traffic control. All

рє е controller is left with only a m: Coast just

fter a computer failure. The

© or smear on the screen. indicating that Aviation Safety Institute reported the
something is there. In such cases. the near miss like this: "At about seven P.M nure I'd been hearing about how
M «onuoller has to get out small plastic on October 31, 1079. the radar . . . tough and how dangerous things got
> chips called shrimp boats and write on computer system went out of service at during а computer failure was (1 was
= sc pencil. reproducing the Washington Center . and lost assured) just plain wrong. That night,
а he has lost, Then he pushes radar contact with PALM 721 |Air Flor- when I reported this to the controllers,
them around with his fingers, There ida flight 721, а Boeing 737]. A few they laughed. It turns out they trade off
P* is nothing inherently dangerous about minutes later - . . radio contact was those “mid shifts” to the hard-core hand-
this method of controlling traffic. if you established with PALM 721 [and he] {tl of conuollers who like to work at
are trained to do it and if you start out quickly stated that he just had to takea "ight. “I haven't worked one in ovi

four years,” a top-level controller told
me

There are other equipment failures,
too, and no amount of training can
help with them. At Miami Tower, logs

with the airplanes separated for that sharp turn to avoid collision with a
kind of control and if you don't have southbound wide-body L-1011 [Delta
too many aircraft to control. But when Airlines flight 1061] The controller
you change back and forth from ome was blamed, but, as always, there is
nethod to the other, and have to do more to it than that.
so unexpectedly, you risk los XEM Cine ВАА TE mE 2С КАРО апа Ше йды Ded
А ре ME show that the computer for the tower
planes, Things can stack up very quick. that every controller is asigned а mid. б учып separate hom the center,
ly and get out of hand, as they have night shift. That's a time when the (signed fore dillerent function) alse
numerous times in the past year. computer is intentionally taken olf line [ile In addition. even the basic radio

The day I arrived in Florida, two for service, Therefore, three FAA offi- frequencies fail. When that happens.
ailiners nearly collided over the East cials insisted, the controllers get regular, the pilot and the tower cannot (ea

cach other, which can make the ap-
proach to landing a thrilling experience
March 95. 1979, from the ^
Tower log. The regular frequency fe
recting outbound traffic from Fort Lau-
derdale (controlled by Miami) failed
The stand-by was used. It failed less

n an hour later. The log is quite
r about the consequences of such
Mer

failures: “When fit] failed, the contr
had three departing [aircraft] on ru
vectors with whom he could not con
municate." The statement of the con
woller says that Eastern. Airlines flight
S86 “passed one and a half [nautical
miles} in front of” a private plan

"Both [aircraft] should ve been level
at 5000."

Three minutes later, the Eastern 7
came within a mile of another aircraft
To give you an idea of how close that i
two jets, converging at normal. cruisin
speed, cover a mile in about th
seconds.

Numerous log entries show the same
"The computer or
come back оп, fail

797

ions because it
nd the

colli
might reflect badly on them,
controllers are not allowed to ask a
pilot if he wants to report an incident.
5o when those failu occur, when the
controller is left star
and hollering i
all he can do is file w
U.C.R. (Unsatisfactory Соп
port).
From a ream of such reports, here is
a typical selection, Summer of 1979
wag working FLL [Lauderdale]
... I was working about seven
craft when this frequency
became intermittent and unusable. This
happened at a time when I had [our
М М А aircraft, about to turn final. [Eastern
“OJ course, this offer is void flight] 200 turned by [himself 1 private
278 where prohibited by law.” (continued on page 281)

ng at a blank scope
to a dead microphone.
is called a

Pierre CárdinMans Cologne ^. =
Jewelry courtesy of Tiffany & бо. A

e ГР

= um ; 4 O) |

—

LL — — PLAYBOY'S

INFORMED SOURCE

E
^x

AN s
y

ever wonder what it takes to be perfect?

A MAN'S GUIDE TO
COSMETIC SURGERY

Except for a rather painful experience at the age of three
days, most men never have anything to do with voluntary
cosmetic surgery. But now that fitness is the closest thing
there is to a state religion, many men consider cosmetic
surgery a logical way to follow up successful programs of diet
and exercise. In the past three years, more men have elected
to go that route and now they make up about a third of all
cosmeticsurgery patients. And whereas years ago a man would
go under the knife only for the sake of The Girl or The Job,
today's patient says he's doing it all for himself just because it
feels better to look better.

Before attempting an about-face, be sure you understand
what cosmetic surgeons can and can't do. They can alter your
appearance radically enough for you to clude the FBI or an
ex-wife, but they can't make you a Sly Stallone look-alike un-
less complete strangers already take you for Rocky. They can
rebuild your nose, pin back your ears, refashion your chin,
raise your brow, deflate the bags under your eyes, diminish
scars and obliterate the tattoo from that mad night in Hono-
lulu. They can flatten Newman's dimples and give Jagger a
stiff lower lip, but they can't enlarge еуез, increase the size of
penises or, as cosmetic surgeons say in regard to cases so
hopeless as to frustrate the staunchest efforts of medical sci-
ence, they can't shine shit.

The most popular male cosmetic operation is still the one
surgeons call rhinoplasty and everybody else calls a nose job.
Working through the nostrils, the surgeon breaks the bone,
resets it and reshapes the cartilage. Alter a week, the splint
and bandage can usually be removed. Swelling remains for at
least three weeks and may not completely disappear for a
year. A nose job is the cosmetic surgery most likely to- be

covered by medical insurance, especially if an injury has been
involved. (Cost: $1000-$3000.)

Now the bad news: “Unfortunately, most people with large
noses are also endowed with weak chins,” says Dr. Gerald
Imber, New York plastic surgeon and co-author of Beauty by

TEN TOUGH QUESTIONS COSMETIC
SURGEONS AREN'T AFRAID TO ASK YOU

[AND YOU SHOULDN'T BE AFRAID TO ASK YOURSELF]

1. What is wrong with your appearance?

2. Was the condition caused by congenital defect, in-
jury or disease?

3. What do you expect to get out of the operation?

4. How will the operation affect your career?

5. How will the operation affect your private life?

6. Do your family and friends know that you're con-
templating cosmetic surgery and, if so, what do they
think about it?

7. Do you know someone who has undergone cosmetic
surgery and, if so, what kind of experience was it?

8. Do you have a history of emotional problems?

9. Do you suffer from any physical ailments—diabetes,
hypertension, tuberculosis, for example—that make
surgery inadvisable?

10. Can you afford the operation?

281

282

To a plastic surgeon, proportion is the key. In the drawing above
left, we've taken some common proportional problems. The nose has
been reduced, the chin augmented and the folds of the upper neck
tucked. Also, the cartilage at the back of the ear has been altered

ign. “The idea is to keep features in their proper propor-
tions. In 75 percent of my nasal surgery, I make the nose
smaller and the chin larger." Chin augmentations often involve
the implantation of a tiny silicone sack into a small incision in
the lower lip or chin. Stitches remain for a week, swelling
lasts several weeks, but all scars fade after a few months.
(Cost: $500-$1500.)

If "Fly away, Dumbo!” is an all-too-familiar taunt, consider
an otoplasty to correct the absence of the antihelix or anti-
helical fold in your ear. The surgeon usually reduces cartilage
to create mellow—i.e., laid-back—ears, which are encased in а

Organizations that verify certification, recommend practi-
tioners and provide information on cosmetic surgery.

American Board of Plastic Surgery, 4647 Pershing Avenue, St.
Louis, Missouri 63108

American Society of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons, 20
East Madison Street, Chicago, Illinois 60602

American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Sur-
gery, 2800 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60657

American Board of Ophthalmology (cyclids), 8870 Towanda
Street, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19118

American Board of Otolaryngology (head and neck), 220
Collingwood, Suite 130, Ann Arbor, Michigan 48103

American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, 3956 Atlantic
Avenue, Long Beach, California 90807

to flatten it. At right, in addition to showing the front view of those
adjustments, we've shaded the areas to indicate where cartilage has
been removed from the nose and the ears’ former contour. Also, we've
reduced the skin flaps around the eyes to correct a chronic sleepy lock.

bulky molded dressing impregnated with mineral oil for a
following the operation. For six weeks thereafter, the
patient sleeps with a skiing headband so nothing can bend his
car during the night. (Cost: $750-$2500 )

You don't even have to be old to benefit from an eye-lift
(blepharoplasty). "The eyelid operation makes the most dra-
matic diflerence-in men,” states Chicago surgeon Robert M.
Swartz. "There's a certain type of eyelid that contains а lot of
fatty tissue that boys get in high school and that becomes
more prominent in their 20s and 30s. It makes their eyes puffy
and tired-looking, the kind of thing where they come to work
after а good night's sleep and people say, "Boy, he really tied
one on!" " Excessive skin and fat are removed through nearly
invisible incisions in the crease of the lids and under the lower
lashes. Ice bags control swelling for the first 24 hours, stitches
are removed in three days and full recovery may take three
weeks. (Cost: $1000-52500.)

Other common kinds of facial surgery for men include Tace-
lifts (51500-54000). cheekbone augmentation with silicone
(51500) and facial dermabrasion to remove acne scars (S500-
51500). About the only с below-the-neck operations fre-
quently performed are abdominoplasties to smooth loose ski
alter massive weight loss (S9000-54000) and the gynecomastia
to diminish overdeveloped and decidedly unmasculine breasts.

If you think cosmetic surgery help, the first step is
finding a qualified surgcon—one who won't cut off your nose
to spite your Beware of substitutes! Any M.D. can legally
call himself a plastic surgeon and perform the opcrations, but
to in certification by the American Board of Plastic Sur-
gery, qualified surgeons must have at least two years’ addi-
tional training in the specialty.

After recommendation by satisfied customers or by your own
physician, the next-best way to find a good doctor is through
the American Society of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons,
which will provide a list of qualified surgeons in your area.

PLAYBOY'S
INFORMED SOURCE

CELEBRITY
MAKE-OVER

Chances are none of the people pictured at right would ever
undergo corrective faciol surgery. In fact, one of the plastic
surgeons we consulted soid he would not change Karl Molden's
nose (top), because he likes it just the way it is. However,

that didn’t stop the others on our advisory ponel. As a
football player in high school, Malden broke his nose twice, which
left him with his distinctive schnoz. Our medical odvice: Trim

the double-bulbed cartiloge, narrow the dorsum ridge and don't
leave home without it. Second from top, heeerrrre’s Ed McMahon.
We norrowed his nose, tucked the loose skin under his chin and
oround his eyes and gave him a beer. Second from bottom,
Barry Manilow's coreer certoinly couldn't be better, but we hove
a couple of suggestions to fix his face. We shaved down his beck
and ot the some time built up his chin a bit. This is a classic prob-
lem: Those who have strong, large noses are most often also
saddled with wimpy chins. It is a notional postime to moke fun

of our Presidents’ facial choracteristics. Remember, for example,
Lyndon Johnson's ears (not to mention his beagles’)? How about
Richard Nixon's ski-jump nose and sotchel jowls? Even though
Jimmy Carter's teeth are his most noticeable feature, he hos others
(bottom). Our surgical advice to make him born again includes
tightening the loose skin on his neck and chin, shoring up his sag-
ging jowls ond, most dramaticolly, removing the bogs and puffi-
ness around his eyes. Now he con go out and kiss some babies.

You should also consult the board overseeing your particular
type of surgery for more specific information, (See Sources.)

A consultation with a plastic surgeon—which usually costs
$25-S75—is a cross between a psychological examination and
a first date. You confide your goals and aspirations, Using
your photographs or special graph paper, the surgeon sketches
what he can do about them. If you're not impressed, you
terminate the relationship then and there. If the surgeon
deems your dreams to be of th npossible ilk, he'll turn you
down. In fact, cosmetic surgeons reject a third of the patients
they see, since experience teaches that dissatisfied customers
become incurable pains in the ass.

As a procedure peculiar to cosmetic surgery, patients pay
in advance. This practice is said to prevent cleventh-hour
cold-footed cancellations and capitalize on a human proclivity
to be happier with that which has alrcady been paid for. and
climinates the embarrassing, not to mention messy, necessity
for repossessing a chin augmentation.

Since most cosmetic operations are quick and simple and
require only local anesthesia, more and more operations are
being performed in the surgeons’ own clinics instead of in
hospitals. Clinics are safe, convenient, specialized and much
Jess expensive than hospitals, where personnel olten treat
cosmetic patients like second-class ssickies. And although no
cosmetic surgeon offers any money-back guarantee, the con-
scientious ones require a series of follow-up examinations,
often with free alterations to ensure patient satisfaction.

Cosmetic surgery can be a viable weapon in your sell-
improvement if you don't insist on miracles. 1—5 merely
cosmetic, not cosmic, and it can't transform Quasimodo into
Casanova or make Ше office boy с ап of the board. But
if you're after an casy and xpensive way to
quickly improve your your selí.confi-
dence, cosmetic surge:
gesture you can make.

283

PLAYBOY

284

AIRLINE SAFETY «со

“Ninety percent of the airline mechanics are not A &
Ps’—the FAA designation for qualified mechanics.”

plane] was already on the final about
ten miles out when I first attempted to
turn him off the final because of [Delta
flight] 148 heading south . . . and not
i - This is a
vous problem at Mi-
ch and should be taken care
have a disaster
around the Fort Lauderdale ar
Yet another controller report filed
vith the FAA: "Repeated failure of ra-
dios... . This is a levelfive appr
adios to

We have been lucky so far.”
Or: “Real danger 1o the lying

l visited the Miami
Center, after I had left, the computer
went down again. There is considerable
controversy about the magnitude of this
problem. The FAA says it's getting bet-
ter. The controllers say, next time you
have to fly to south Florida, fly to Grand
Rapids instead.

Lonnie D. Parrish, chief of the Air
Traffic Division of the Southern Region
of the F
director of A
vember 28, 1978:
volume of both V.F.R. and LF.R. trat-
fic, compounded by increased speeds
and sophistication ol generalaviation
aircraft, will raise the mid-air collision

1 to a level that demands afirm-

potenti

ative action by those of us responsible
lor air-traflic managem

ent. The a

ART.C
be reached in the immediate future, with
"s level of servi ind will be total-
te for services we should be

In August 1979, the Aviation Safety
Institute warned, “We sce more reports
cach week of radar data processing
(R.D.P.) failures . and many are
catastrophic... . The FAA headquarters
more rcadily admits that the 9020
computer systems are reaching their per-
formance limits. The computer manu-
facturer, IBM, warned the FAA back in
the late Sixties that the 9020 would not
do the job of controlling the 1980 traf-
fic volume."
1 interviewed John Galipault, presi-
dent of A.S.L, the day alter he returned
from testifying before Congress on R.D.P.
problems. I asked what they w i
to do. g” he said. “I
learn not to go to these thi
going to wait for a big mid-air
do anything," V
i ? I asked.
st crash.
big enough." pault said
when two 747s collide. . . .” It may
only be a matter of time, too: In No-
vember 19 San Diego alone, there

They're
before
icgo a
it was

At th
n U.S. history.

“The real question for you and me,
Ron, is whether the same hair stylist can truly
be right for both of us.”

were at least two near midair collisions
involving large jets. One of them took
place over a packed football stadium.
And at Los Angeles International, the
FAA is casually allowing operations that
сап only be characterized as suicidal.
© off and land in opposite
on parallel runways. It's
ke airborn
of chicken. For that r
“leration of Air!

s given LAX its
rved for only the

directions
something
hour gan
the Int
Pilots Associations 1
ating.

ilc-an-

rport
In a December 17, 1979, editorial,
Aviation Week Why did the

у are placed
y does it take such an inor-
y long time for the FAA to pro-
curc nuoduce new technology
equipment into the trafliccontrol
tem? The answer to the first question
that when the pres
was bought by the FAA, absolute relia
bility ... was costly. .. . The answer to
the second question is controva
lack of funding is not standing
way of bette afficcontrol. technol
ogy—at least for high-priority items."

The FAA may have legitimate com-
plaints about controllers, who are not
making Шс any easier for the flying
public by maintaining a constant state
of red alert. But, as the controllers
would say, being dead right is being
where at all.

dinate!

sys-

б
Т am walk round on top of a
Boeing 747, high above the concrete
floor of the TWA ovcrhaul base in
х city, Missouri, The metal-mesh
a spring to it and a
that would give
igh-steel worker a t
copper in his mouth. It is the twili
shift and I am getting my ear filled by
TWA mechanics, who speak a dialect
that is known in bars from Nova Scotia
опа
We had опе оГ boy he
п a box o' тос!
“He was one dumb shit
“Aw that ain't no shit.”
My host looks like a younge
Slim Pickins and greets all the night
shift wor with mal and
1 elevated. middle f . Everywhere
we look there are 707s, 727s, L-1011s and.
7175 im various stages of disassembly
One set aside for paint strip-
ping. They just spray the stripper on
and scrape off the old paint job, just as
you'd do with your woodwork. There
are areas for hydraulics, for wire har-
nesses, oxygen bottles, explo de
ployed emergency slides (a locked room
with a lot of black-powder canisters in

, he's dum-

heavier

ous glee

Ontario, Canada MEL 2X3,

286

. LIVE THE DOS EQUIS

Dos Equis is the beer for people
who want to get the very most out
of life. It has distinctive taste. And
a unique amber color. It's the
“Uncommon Import?’

it), wheels, landing gear, brakes, tires;
and there are places where they take
the plane down to the bone, where a
cockpit car look like an eye socket that
has taker direct hit from some mono-
lithic mouschawk, where the cabin floor
is just a few skinny beams ("You wanna
watch where you're steppin’, buddy").

An entire building is devoted to en-
gine reworking and repairing, row on
row of jet fans lined up like cocoons.
The creep through the TWA labyrinths
takes all night and the place is аз busy
bus terminal on Christmas Eve.
or several days, I spent time with
these mechanics who repair and m
tain airliners in noisy rooms of such di-
mensions that a glance at the ceiling
can make your stomach pitch. I learned
that they the salt of the earth, these
men. We hung out in the taverns of
Kansas City, with Kenny Rogers singing
out of jukeboxes, "Who picks up the
pieces, every time two fools collide?”
and 1 came to realize that I was up

Precision Drinking Team.
We discussed economic considerations
versus safety.
"It's gettin’ butts in seats,
‘An’ that ain't no shit.”
We talked quality control.
“Them tars,” one said of the Goodyear
products we had seen, “gotta be tight.”

“Tighter ‘n a gnats ass stretched
acrost a rain barrel.”
“That's tight.
"An' that ain't no shit.
We talked superior mechanical skills.

“We got one ol’ boy here's smarter т

"An' that ain't no shi
"You don't argue nothin' with
from crotch crickets to the Bible.
"An' that ain't no shit, neither

I asked if the regulations were ever
bent to keep the airplanes moving. "We
never do anything by the book," my host
said. “If we did whecls by the book,
we'd build four a day. Right now we're
buildin’ 25 a day and still have plenty
of fuck-off time.

He said that with the present system
of wheel rework, they are perfectly safe.
"Some of them bolts might not be
torqued up just right, but there’s 16
or so anyway. Ain't nothin' gonna
happen."

їз all redundancy, anyway,
other said.

"We cut corners like a mother, but
we do it sale. It isn't ever worth it to
stick your neck out that far."

I asked if there were ever pressure
from above to do work that was not
right. They admitted that sometimes a
part would come down that was not the
part needed and they would be told to

"im,

an-

put it on the aircraft anyway. The me
chanic. in such cases. would tell the su-
perior to sign it off. That would shift the
responsibility if anything went wrong.
Tt was loud and clear: "I ain't signin’ off
nothin’ if I don't know it's right.”

It is commonly accepted that the men
who repair and maintain airliners un-
dergo intense training and are qualified
by the Government to do that work.
“I've got a hot flash for vou," an FAA
safety counselor told me. “Ninety percent
of the airline mechanics are not A & Ps.”
AKP is the FAA designation for a quali-
fied mechanic. It means airframe and
power plant. It takes a lot of training.
years, in fact. You have to pass r
testing, written, oral and practical. It
costs a lot in both time and money.

But ihe law doesn’t specify th
pair of an airplane must be done by an
A&P; it only specifies that the work
must be ed for by an A&P, no
matter who has actually done it. That
signature indicates that the A&P has
inspected and approved of the work. 1
asked the TWA mechanics how many
of their men were А & Ps.

“A large percentage,” one man told me.

Maybe as much as twenty-five percent."

The Ікеа about they had
gotten their A&P tickets. First, you
need а certificate from a certified A-
tion-maintenance school or 18 months’

orous

re-

how

XX PERIENCE!

Stand out from the crowd. Drink
the light-colored Dos Equis beer
that stands out. It’s rich and robust.
Yet satisfyingly refreshing. Dare

to be different. Ask for Dos Equis.

experience and must have a qualified
person recommend you for the written
test. After passing the written, you have
up to two years before you must take
your oral and your practical. My host

said he went for his test at Johnson
County Airport in Kansas City, where
he crawled around on an airplane for

two days before the examiner asked,
“You realize if the FAA gave you this
test you'd flunk:

“Yes, sir, but so would half the
guys.”

That's right,” the examiner said, and
gave him his A & P license.

“АП you need,” host,
common sense and to be a mechanic
Another TWA mechanic told of getting
his license in Oklahoma City at a di-
ploma mill His oral consisted of six
questions. The entire examination took
about four hours

I asked the mechanics to choosc—if

FAA

said my

they could go on any airplane—how
they would get from. point A to point
B. “If I had to go,” one of them said.
“га йу Delta." They all nodded solemn
agreement.

They further
y any planc,
DC-10. “DC-10's an original piece of gar-
"опе of them said.
"tno shit
nally, they made it crystal-clear that

greed that they would
as it were not a

no circumstances would they fly
Braniff International—they would soon:
cr jump off the Statue of Liberty in pink
tights. “We pull Braniff maintenance
out in L A." they said, "and we know.

These mechanics weren't just blow
ing smoke. The FAA recently ordered
Branifl to unprecedented
$1.500,000—in. FAA
“civil penalty"—for improper mainte-
nance and illegal practices. А com-
prehensive article in Aviation Week
describes a situation that makes Braniff
look like a Third World bus company
The FAA apparently warned Braniff
time d
nothing. After 39 extended over-water
flights, Braniff was found to be carrying
illegal lile rafts, one with a hole in it
According to the FAA charges, the airline
ignored cracked wings, engines showing

pay ап

what the calls a

after time and the airline d

strong vibrations, seats that could recline
to block emergency exits, the installation
of parts on one type of engine that were
made for another type, and main cabin
doors that didn't opcrate normally. One
airplane alone was taken on 447 flights

during almost a year in an unairworthy

condition, says the Government. Braniff,

according to the charg a't even

keeping proper records of maintenance.
A Braniff spokesman told me, when
asked to respond to the cha “We

have not been fined; let's get the facts
straight. We filed a detailed. thorough
response—highly technical. The FAA is
studying this response, which is several
hundred pages long. The FAA has asked
that neither party make any further com
ment on the matter while it is studying
the matter.” At this writing, the penalty
has not been paid and the Government's
сазе against Braniff is still pending
Langhorne Bond told me, “When we
make charges like this, we give the car
rier a chance 10 respond and if w
But we hav

wrong, we're

been wrong yet."

wrong.

The maintenance problems put me in
mind of the NTSB hearings into the
Chicago crash—because maintenance was
the big question. The NTSB was trying
to figure how a contemporary jetliner
with only a handful of hours since а
major overhaul could fall out of a clear
blue sky. How a seven-ton engine-pylon
assembly could just rip off. How, even
with the lost engine, the plane could not
be driven around to a safe landing, as
other planes had been in the past. No
one at the hearings seemed to have any
idea of what was go

On a raised platform in the m
the с

ng оп.

Idle of
and

nvention hall were came

producers and sound men from every
network and local station. A table in

287

On Winston’

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The Surgeon General Has Determined ; г A Bo
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That Cigarette Smoking Is Dang to Your Healt Soft Pack and

ront of the platform w nmed with
reporters, as was another off to the side
of the Safety Board, which elevated
on its own bench like the Supreme
Court. You could tell that the truly
heavy engineering types were in town.
In the rest room outside the hearing
room, among the crude obscenities
scratched on the walls, one lone graffito
offered, “Time is just natures way of
keeping everything from happening all

at once.
The hearings were long and arduous.
McDonnell Douglas pointed the finger
ri lines, American point-

at Douglas, the FAA
pointed the finger at both and both
pointed back. Chairman Driver tried

ineffectually to keep the fingers away
[rom the throats. Everyone except Amer-
ican and the Air Line Pilots Association
(ALPA) pointed the finger at the
pilot, Capt
was done in the most subtle w;
aginable. There was grumbling
the pari nts because the hea
were being held too soon after the crash.
One A.L.P.A. member told me they had
been given boxes of ial and hı
only three s to master it. No on
scemed, was up to speed.

At cach recess, the pilots in the audi
ence, who had come from nearby O'Hare
out of curiosity, would stand in the hall
and say things like, "Shit, that's not how
it is." The reporters would put their
ds together and try to decipher the
technical language (ТОСО mode, roll
departure, sonic eddy current, gust load-
ing, hard time nits, induced load.
ilure mode and effect analysis). IE you
hadn't done your homework, you could
be lost inside half an hour and the spec-
tacle went on for almost two wecks—its
no wonder the reports on it were mostly
incomprehensible. Yet the basics were
relatively simple, once you stripped
away the jargon.

Douglas had designed a pylon that
auached the engine ıo the wing of
the DC-10, then sold a lot of DC-10s.
The pylon had at least fault.
When it showed up. Douglas told its
customers to fix it, The fault itself
did not promise to be . But the
fact that it had to be fixed did. incs
moved routinely Irom aircraft, but
pylons are not. American Airlines devised
a short-cut method for fixing the faulty
pylon. Instead of removing the
frst and supporting it from
above with a crane (as Douglas had sug
gested). Am moved the en;
and pylon 10; by shovi
lift truck underneath and just droppi
the whole asse y down.

Continental was doing the same thing.
Continental dinged some pylon mounts,
100. but happened to notice the mistake
and fix it. Continental didn't tell Amer-

n Walter Lux, though that
im-

one

ican, though. And American dinged one
of its pylons in the same w hey
e just bangin’ on it with a big ol
hammer," Langhorne Bond told me.
Since they had just serviced and reas-
sembled the thing, they didn't check to
sce if it was destroyed, which it was.

And it flew 166 landings and 430
hours of service with passengers on
board before the cracked part let loose,
triggering a complex sequence of systems
failures and. resulting in the loss of the
aircraft and all on board. That sequence
of events dramatically pointed out mi
ous design deficiencies that had only
been suspected before the crash of flight
191. But on that day, many things that
had been waiting to go wrong with the
DC-10 went wrong.

That left everyone with the sticky
problem of why the plane couldn't con-
tinue to fly after losing an engine. There
were only two choices: Either the DC-10
airplane could fly in that condition (and
therefore other DC-105 could be allowe
to continue flying their 400-odd daily
missi rying 150,000 passengers) or
it could not fly in that condition (which
would mean admitting that the plane
was a dog that had to be taken out of
service). The choice was made: The
plane was safe. It had to be safe. The
industry couldn't afford for it ne
be sale—because it would cost too much
to take the DC-10 out of service.

That led to a confusing series ol dis
cussions about why (if the plane was,
indeed, flyable) the crew of flight 191
hadn't flown it. And therefrom came a
subtle line of argument that pinned the
blame on the crew, even though no one
was crude enough to come out with
"pilot error" as use. In fact, in its
final report, the NTSB went out of its
way to say that the pilot was not to
blame.

ns, с

Simulator tests run in the
configuration" helped determine that
the plane was flyable alter the engine
came off. The NTSB said the manual
structed the pilot to reduce his speed
during that critical phase of flight after
the loss of the engine. Therefore, he
lid reduce his speed and his left wing
stopped flying. And the plar
over. A significant number of pilots who
flew figu how
ever, were able to recover and Пу away
from the problem. The language was
very roundabout, but the message con-
tinued to echo through it all: “Our
pilots were able to fly the tl ; what's
the matter with your pilots?

The way they got around actually
blaming the pilot was to say that, since
the electrical system was disabled, the
crew would not have had the normal
warnings would have
had—stall warning, for example. And
the captain's instrument panel was out
of service. е NTSB reasoning here is
a bit fuzzy. A properly powered instru
ment panel displays a. “command ba
indicating to pilot the pitch he
should fly (ic. how far up or down he
should put the plane's nosc). The NTSB
concluded "The consistent H-degree
pitch attitude indicated that the flight-
director command bars were being used
for pitch attitude guidance and, since
the captain's flight director was incpe
tive, confirmed the fact that the first
officer was flying the aircraft.” This, of
course, is sheer supposition on the
NTSB'* part. But it sounds good and
makes the pieces seem to fit neatly.

A former accident investigator with
30 years’ experience said, “This is really
a strange report.”

Indeed, the report ё
sweeping assumption

rolled

the accident co

another

crew

making

odd,
nd skipping over

"Start dinner without me, hon; I'm going to have
something Lo eat in town.”

289

PLAYBOY

290

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Answers to puzzle on page 293.

. Put yourhonds back where they
belong; I'm damn particular

2. Cheer up! The worst is yet to come.

Mony ore called. butyou were
chosen.

1. Aren't you glod you did it?
Gordy, you're not getting married
again, are you? It's a harrowing
experience, oll right.

. You'll never get another like me.

I you have no plans for the
evening, have o dote with me and
let's dance o lithe.

He fell off on attic roof ond cought
her eyes.

All crave is your supple curves

. She's fun as hell, but in fact, she’s
infectious, апа з been itching me
eversince.

He Osked her to go inside after
they metin the street.

You must have done something or
else your husbond's off his nut.

Oh, tell me thal you love me just o
iine.

|. Where ore the ponts of my tuxedo?

. Since you were lost here, Ihad to
quit ond rve hod none since.

. Don't jus! peek and see, come on
over and take a nice look.

. He never gets in fill lote, but he's op
cteight o'clock.
That's a nine ona scale of ten.

critical questions. Take, for example, the
stall warning device, which became
operative on flight 191 when the electri
system was lost. The simulator tests
were run with the device operating in
some cases and the conclusion was that
if the captain had had this w
would have lived. Ac the most. funda-
mental level, the report fails to address
the question of why a pilot with 22,000
hours would sit there and let his copilot
do something that even a primary stu-
dent of flying would hesitate to do—pull
the nose up during a critical phase of
flight when iere existed the opportuni-
ty to put the nose down and keep the
show on the road. There were no ob-
stacles out beyond runway 32 Right at
O'Hare. The day was dear: The crew
could see for 15 miles. In addition, the
captain would not have gotten а stall
warning even if the equipment had
been operating, because it was the tip
portion of the wing lled and
the warning device takes nformation
from the inboard portion, which was
still flying at the point where the roll
began. On the other hand, there were so
many things going wrong at once that
the crew was probably overwhelmed by
the problems. “Their panel would have
lit up like а Christmas tree

captain told me at the h

During the hearings, a witness was
asked, "Would you please discuss the
rationale of why the aircraft—why it
would be considered safe to operate the
ircraft with what appears to be a Rus-
п roulette type of system?” And a
few minutes later: "Could you discuss
the rationale behind the certification of
a system in which an engine loss causes
you to lose the system which tells you
that you the the first
* But participants who asked such
questions were accused of browbeating
witnesses and were silenced. And so
the question was left hanging: How
come this cr couldnt Пу this nice
ne? And while it is certainly
possible that they were merely incom.
petent, there are just too many un-
answered questions left by the NTSB
report.

An American Airlines captain told
me, “If they think they've got a bunch.
of heroes up in the cockpit who are
going to pull back their speed because
the manual says so, they're «тагу. They
say Lux was going bullshit!
I can't believe anybody would be dumb
iough to pull it back to 158 knots sit-
ng out in the clear blue sky. That is
simply not a satisfactory explanatior
fact, during the simulator tests, it
was noted that one of the test pilots
was asked to fly the way flight 191 flew
and he couldn't do it. His pilot instincts
would not let him pull the nose up.

lost engine in

Because, as any pilot knows, that is an
invitation to the harp farm
.

All of which leaves open the distaste-
ful possibility that the airplane was sim-
ply out of control during most of its
3Lsccond Night, that the hydraulic sys-
tem folded up on them and that there
was no way to put the nose down. The
subject is hotly debated as we go to
press. but no one will ever know what
happened on that flight. Not even the
cockpit voice recording survived—well,
the actual machine survived the crash,
but the critical portions of the tape
were never recorded, because the elec-
trical system was so fouled up that the
recorder lost power.

To get a more complete picture of the
DC-10, I visited the Douglas plant wh
it is manufactured—in Long Beach, Cal-
ilornia. A further examination of the
DC-10 will be included im part two
of this article, along with discussions of
airline economics and the philosophy of
crashworthiness.

But while I was at the Douglas plant,
I saw a curious thing. I was in a room so
large that the new Douglas Super 80s and
a number of DC gcs of
construction seemed like toys tossed
into corners and forgotten by children.
Except that 1 could see the tiny men
swarming over them and hear the rico-
chet of rivets popping like machine-gun
fire throughout the room.

I stood at the clectrical assembly
line for the DC-10 and the DC9. The
man in charge was explaining how the
create and then move the wire ha
nesses. and I couldn't shake the feeling
that there was something awfully spooky
about what I was seeing. There were
computers to check the accuracy of the
connections, all of which were made by
hand, mostly by women, from the look
of the linc. 1 was staring at a virtual
wall of white wire that was but onc
quarter of one section of an embryonic
DC-10's nose ("One hundred miles of
wire in the ОСЛО," Т was told
white wire, coiling endlessly.

And then it hit me. 7f you look close-
ly, you can sce that thousands upon
thousands of pieces of white wire are
embedded in the rich, black mud that
10 your shoes as you walk

And I suddenly realized
] that wire had come from that
Yd seen in that беа in Chicago, that
scarred patch of ground where Ameri-
can flight 191 had gone down.

I toured the rest of the wireassembly
but I didn't hear another word

s in various sta;

the man said.

This is the fist of two parts of
PLAYBOY's investigation of airline safety.
The conclusion will appear next month.

_THE
STRONG,
SENSITIVE

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Sheik's strength is actually tested up to seven different times by
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Yet, with all this proven strength, the material used in a Sheik
condom is only three one-thousandths of an inch thin! It feels so
natural, you'd swear you weren't wearing a condom at all. And as
far as your partner is concerned, the feeling is mutual.

So depend on the strong, sensitive type—Sheik condoms.
They've got everything you want in a condom, any way you want
them: Sensi-Creme Lubricated, Ribbed, Reservoir End, and
Plain End.

According to a national consumer journal report, when
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are 10000 to 1! No other method of birth control can give you better
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PLAYBOY

FLORSrEIM

CAN YOU REALLY AFFORD ANYTHING LESS

THE TRIPOLI o

Some men seek out the’

best places to stay when
they travel. Because
anything less can take the
edge off even the most
well-planned trip. Men like
this also want to look and
feel their best when they
get there and that’s why
they insist upon Florsheim
shoes.

At Florsheim, we
travel the same route. From
leather selection to

чч m

workmanship

to styling, we.

insist on the very best.
This commitment is why
we also offer a broader
range of sizes than anyone
else, to insure you a most
comfortable fit. And why
we have knowledgeable

THE VISTAS

dealers and
salespeople to serve
you as well.

So if you're the kind of
man who demands the
finest accommodations,
you don't have to ask
yourself whether you can
really afford Florsheim.
Because you already
know that you can't

@ afford anything less.

Florsheim

For Free Style Brochure, Write: Florsheim Dept. AD-11, 130 So. Canal St., Chicago, Ш. 60606.

PLAYBOY PUZZLE

CHEAP TREK

aptain’s Log, Starship Enterprise, Stardate 2556: Uhura intercepted the following
( ( message transmitted by Chief Engineer Scotty to New Glasgow via Interstellar

Western Union: “Muscatel auto here, Minervas wreck. Ohio misuse.” Ac-
cording to Science Officer Spock, the message is based on an old Scottish (Earth)
tradition, the Scotchogram, first revealed by John Shuttleworth in a 1928 book titled
Sate with Scotchograms. Apparently, Scotty’ s frugality is an inherited trait, and hi a
in sending the Scotcho was to save “a wee bit o' Federation credits" by replacing
several words with single phonetic equivalents. As decoded by Spock, Scotty's mes-
sage reads: “Must get the hell out of here. I'm a nervous wreck. Oh, how I miss you.”
Before Bones could sedate him—with a medicinal boule of Scotch, naturally —Scotty
spouted the following Scotchograms. They may provide the kev to the universe. On
the other hand, they may not. Captains Log, Supplement: This entry prepared by the
stall of Games magazine.

i. BUTCHER ANSPACH WEIRDIE BELONG; ГЇЛ DAMPER HECKLER.
2. CHERUB! DIVORCED 48 YETTA COME.
3. MANY OCCULT BUT EWER CHOSEN.
4. ORANGE JUICE GLAD YOU DID IT?
5. GORDIAN ANOT BETTE MARRIED AGAIN, ARE YOU? SAHARA WING EXPERIENCE ALRIGHT.

E. YULE NAVIGATE ANOTHER LIKE ME.
©. IF АШСА НЕНЕН PLANS FORTY: EVENING, НЕНОАШТ МЕ AND LET STENCIL LITTLE.
B. HE FELLON FANATIC ROOF AND CRUTERIZE.
9. AÑ UE CREVICE YOUR SEPULCHERS.
0. CHEESE FUN AS HALIBUT INFECTIOUS INFECTIOUS, AND SPINACH IN МЕ EUER SINCE.
11. HE ASTEA TO COINCIDE AFTER THEY МЕТ INDISCREET.
ke. YOU MASTODON SOMETHING OR ELSE YOUR HUSBANDS OFFICE NUT.
13. HOTEL МЕ ATCHOG LOVE ME JOSTLE LITTLE.
a4. WEARER DEPENDS GF MY TUXEDO?
15. SENSUOUS LAST HERE, 1 ADEQUATE ENDIVE HAD NONSENSE.
26. DONT JUST PIQUANCY, COMMON GUER ANTAGOMZE LOOK.
17. HE NEVER GET SCICTILLRTE BUT HE'S A POTATO CLOCH.
LA. ASININE HONEST CALEB TEN.

Answers on роде 290.

йай
Ыы
$ OT. ON A CLEAR NIGHT,
“an T. z“ in South Queensferry, Scotland,
N A. Robert Louis Stevenson
"p \ EIDE ` — could picture Treasure Island
i و‎ “чш ' from this window.
Uo yd Andits |-
still there.

The’ good things in life
З stay that way.
Dewar's” never varies.

^ А

% бе” ч

лмо sor

GEAR

PUMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE

loaf of bread, sandwich
fixings and a pump jug
full of wine, martinis,
summer punch or
whatever, and you and that gang
of yours are all set for a great
summer picnic. What distin-
guishes a pump jug from the doz-
ens of other models around is
the way it dispenses liquids. In-
stead of tipping and pouring, all
you dois hit a button atop the jug

Following the numbers: 1. The pump-type Bartender Thermos keeps about a quart of your favorite
Thermos Co., $16. 2. Bailey-Huebner chrome two-quart Air pot, from Henri Bendel, New York

and a pressure pump releases the
exact amount of beverage you
want. And because you don't
open the jug every time to pour,
whatever you're toting stays
cooler longer. Come winter, of
course, the same container can
be used for hot drinks. And many
of them are practically unbreak-
able and have Lazy Susan bases.
That's also something for jug
fans lo get pumped up about.

id hol or cold, by Thermos Division King-Seeley
/ $45. 3. Pump pot with one-quart capacity and

locking switch, by Certified Mfg., $15. 4. Automatic vacuum Air pot has a stainless-steel pump shaft and a curved fast-flow spout, from J. C. Penney,

Chicago, Il

is, $13. 5. Thermal pump pot with a break-resistant tempered glass liner, metal outer jacket and Lazy Susan base, by Metro Market

Be
$10. 6. Lightweight rustproof and dentproof one-gallon Pump-A-Drink jug that's insulated with polyurethane foam, by Aladdin Industries, $13.95.

295

FASHION

THE NO-SWEAT SWEAT LOOK

5 everyone remembers, the humble gray high school
athletic-department sweat suit was the most popular
item to pilfer. You could lounge in it, sleep in it and even
exercise in it—when the spirit moved you. Then came
the running, jumping and jogging boom and guys who were into
keeping their bodies in top shape demanded color, flash and
recognition in their workout togs—partially to let people know

that they were serious sufferers and partially because they were
tired of looking like hooded gray phantoms. Clothing designers
got the message and have produced a locker-roomiul of exercise-
inspired attire in sweat-shirt fabrics and familiar jock-look cuts.
Sure, you can wear this gear to work out in, but you'll also wantto
put it on when you've nothing more strenuous to do than
tilt a beer or light the barbecue. — DAVID PLATT

Below left: A cotton T-shirt with contrast piping,
$15, worn over cotton shorts with a drawstring
waist, $18, both by Pierre Cardin Sportswear. Be-
low, center and right: An Orlon sweat-shirt jack-
et, $44, that’s coupled with an Orlon tank top,
$15, and colorful Orlon sweat shorts with an
elasticized waistband, $13, all by David Leong.

Above: The lowly
sweat shirt, such as
the cotton/polyester
опе witha placket front, by
The Lee Company, $22, looks
great when dressed up with a
wool/silk/linen single-breasted jack-
el, by Cricketeer, about $170; cotton
jeans, by Sedgefield, $21; and button-

down shirt, from Chaps by Ralph Lauren, $30.

Below left: Cotton/polyester crossover sweat
shirt, about $35, that’s teamed with a colorful
pair of cotton/polyester sweat pants, about
$35, both from Basco Sportswear by Gene
Pressman. Below right: More sweat fabric
flash: a cotton snap-placket sweat shirt, $50,
and matching sweat pants with knee pad-
ding, $55, both from R. Allen for Chiori.

DAVID
PLATT’S
FASHION
TIPS

What with the oil shortage,
there is a growing use of syn-
thetic fibers from other sources.
Watch for the return of an old
favorite: the rayon shirt. When
cut correctly, it has a drape that
looks great with a pair of slacks.

Have trouble with your shirt-
tail pulling out and bunching up
around your middle? Try a trick
that models use (God forbid
they should look wrinkled).
Tuck your shirt into your under-
shorts first and the problem will
virtually disappear.

Bad-news economies are fre-
quently the inspiration for fan-
asy clothes that belie the
conditions. Thus, something of
the Depression-era spirit of
Nick and Nora Charles of the
Thin Man films is upon us. In
short, the classic black dinner
jacket is back with a vengeance
in both single- and double-
breasted styles. See you at The
Stork Club.

And while we're talking about
stylish elegance's helping to
eliminate depressing circum-
stances, designers will be using
more black, navy and gray for
clothing, though with a surprise
twist in accessories. Frequently,
their collections are featuring
dark brown in scarves, ties,
shoes, etc., which is one more
example that rules of dress are
made to be broken.

The newest color to add to
your dress-shirt wardrobe is
white. Sure, more colorful shirts
do ofíer variety for business
wear. Still, there is nothing
quite so attractive as white in
contrast to a summer tan.

Апа to help you keep cool
this summer, technologies have
been discovered that will
enable all-cotton shirts
to be processed
just like those
that аге per-
manent press.

297

18 mg, "ter", 1.3 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette, ЕТС Report MAY 78.

ARE VES

f Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous toYour Health

: 5 UM

HABITAT.
HOME ТО BOOGIE

о% Angeles decorator and designer Charles Burke recently
completed what he calls his most “inspirational” job: jazz-
ing up a portion of the Beverly Hills winter mansion of Mr.
and Mrs. Hans Smith of Monte Carlo into a dazzling, com-
puterized, multipurpose entertainment center, including a master
bedroom complete with a bathing grotto made of 20 tons of
granite (below left), an audio-video library and lounge area with a
gigantic infinity light sculpture embedded in the ceiling and
what's probably the most spectacular private disco in the world.
Radar doors, which recede into the walls, lead to the disco, whose

focal point is a kinetic light sculpture that emits thousands of
computer-programmed responses to music. The granite disco
floor incorporates a fog machine and low-voltage pulsating lights.
Across from the disco is the combination audio-video library and
disco control room that pumps music through 16 speakers in the
disco's walls, behind the wall covering of sterling silver-threaded
cotton quilting. The focal point of the control room is the
custom-made light and sound board (below right). Needless to
say, when the Smiths’ friends want to boogie till dawn and every-
thing's closed, you'd better believe they know where to go.

Below: The Smiths’ disco control room is
straight out of Star Trek. Housed there are reel-
to-reel and cassette tape decks, turntables,
lighting computers and sound mixers—plus a
switch that turns on the fog machine.

£
5
В

Left: The view from the Smiths’ master bed-
room into a round granite bathing grotto lit by
recessed ceiling spots and a round neon fixture.
From the bed, one can electronically control
the vertical blinds that surround the grotto and
activate hidden doors for total bathing privacy.

300

Lens.
GRAPEVINE

Rub-a-Dub-Dub
We're on another roll here. This time, it’s bathtubs. Mr. Bubbles (left) istennis bad boy
ILIE NASTASE. The lady? CARROLL BAKER, starring in The World Is Full of Married
Men. We think the flick’s about sex, but she could be ordering a pizza.

Old Faithfull

Erupts Again

This could be one finger of a
victory salute, but given the
past ten years of MARIANNE
FAITHFULL's life, we prefer to
think of it as а survivor's salute.
outlived a cel-
ebrated relationship with Jag-
Z ger and came back with a hot
album, Broken English. One
$ cut, Why D’Ya Do It?, is a very
с tough, expli ong about sex-
ual infidelity—a subject that
2 Faithfull freely admits she’s
8 done some research on. Mick
© was a good teacher.

Number One
with a Bullet

Its only rock ‘n’ roll, folks.
ANN WILSON of Heart got
held up by TED NUGENT at
a party recently. They were
discussing their Billboard
ratings when Wilson asked
Nugent if it were true he
was going New Wave on his
next album. Actually, it was
just a costume party and
Wilson sang for her supper.
PS.: Nugent is singing punk.

Tubs, Part Two

The Long Riders is a movie about the exploits of the James-Younger outlaw band. That would make it just another Western, except for one detail

its

stars are (left to right) DENNIS and RANDY QUAID, STACY and JAMES KEACH and DAVID, KEITH and BOBBY CARRADINE. Go, brothers!

S
Loose Chains
Actress PATTI D'ARBANVILLE is a beauty. We should know; we
devoted some celebratory pages to her in 1977. After seeing her
in The Main Event, we also know she can act. Her latest film is
Hog Wild —which is what we went when we saw this pic.

RS /5ҮСМА

MICHAEL CHILD:

M. NORCIA /SYGMA

Celebrity Breast of the Month

Here you have it, America, proof positive: This is what a night out with the
superstars is really like. This month's celebrity breast happens to be in BJORN
BORG"'shand. Those ceramic mugs are a hot novelty item; we get three or four
а day in here. But we don’t get CHERYL TIEGS hanging around, looking
amused. That's because we're engaged in serious journ.

302

PLAYBOY’S ROVING EYE

Marilyn Mystery Unraveled

In the January 1980 Roving Eye, we published some
shots of Marilyn Monroe that had been discovered
by an acting troupe in an abandoned New York
brownstone. Who had taken the pictures, and why?
Artist Jon Whitcomb (pictured at right) explained their
origin: "Dear PLAYBOY, Mystery Division: For The
American Weekly issue of April 6, 1958, Hearst needed
an Easter hat feature and asked me to paint six ladies
for it. As usual, overnight. A photographer named Carl
Perutz or some such Nom de Nikon handled Marilyn.
He was never heard from again. If he was demolished
on East 18th Street amidst actors, I'm sorry to hear it.”

“Although this version of Marilyn was remote
control (above), | painted her directly on three
other occasions (right), mostly for Cosmopolitan.
Her notions of magazine posing were quaint.”

- COSMOPOLITAN

SPECIAL 18508 | Manners and Morals
Swap-Mate Scandals He-Men and Honor in Business

Our Moral Revolt from 1920 to 1960 . Is Divorce a Disease?
Lovelorn Sob Sisters Parents Review Sex Education

The New Marilyn ET WA

p
LIIS

{

\
s> Margaret Millar's Great New Mystery Novel ,

“During the shooting of Billy Wilder's Some Like It
Hot, everybody on the set either felt protective of
Marilyn or hated her guts. Well, Marilyn kept me
waiting for two weeks, so I sided with the antis.”

“The cover and the piece on Some Like It Hot (above) are
from the March 1959 issue of Cosmopolitan. The third
(left) dates from the shooting of The Misfits and ap-
peared in the December 1960 Cosmopolitan.” Encore. 303

SEX NEWS

FATHER KNOWS BREAST

A few years ago, Robert Miner wrote
Mother's Day, a book about a stay-at-
home father and husband. Now a New
York area transvestite has gone him one

In Capistrano, lovers await the swallows. In
Hinckley, Ohio, they wait for a flock of buz-
zards that comes to mate every spring.
WMMS thought the buzzards rated a T-shirt.

better—he successfully wet-nursed his
infant. Six years ago, when his daughter
was born, the unidentified man, whose
breasts earlier had been enlarged with
female hormones, wanted to share in

= called parthenogenesis, the female cre-

every aspect of child rearing. He and
his wife approached Brooklyn endo-
crinologist Dr. Leo Wollman, who re-
ports that acupuncture treatments
combined with injections of a pituitary
hormone produced lactation in the
father. The parents alternated their
breast-feedings, producing a physically
healthy and well-adjusted child. We
can only repeat a favorite slogan of La
Leche League, a group that encourages
breast-feeding: “There’s a sucker born
every minute.”

NEWTER SEX

You can't always take your cues from
the animal kingdom. Harvard psycho-
biologists are studying some of the 27
species of female lizards that reproduce
without males. In fact, there are no
males of the species. Through a process

ates а replica of herself. But that’s not
all. A female lizard is likely to partake
n malelike sex with another female
lizard. Those darting tongues may bea
real turn-on. The researchers are puz-
zled by this ritual, which may have a
transitory effect on the lizard’s ability
to reproduce. The sexplay appears to be

5 just another affectation, like the en-

gineer boots and the Mary Astor haircut.

RAPE CONTROL?
POW, BIFF, SHAZAM!

What should a woman do if a rapist
attacks her? If she doesn’t resist, maybe
she'll avoid physical injury. On the
other hand, if she makes a lot of noise,
punches, kicks and screams, the rapist
might give up. An ongoing study of 94
women at the University of Illinois
Medical Center indicates that women
who resist may have an edge over their
assailants. Of 43 rape victims and 51

women who foiled a rape attack, 59
percent of the nonvictims used physical
force. Only a third of the victims tried
to resist physically. Women who suc-
cessfully resisted didn’t overpower
their rapists—they simply made it too
troublesome for the rapist to continue.
The resisters were more likely to ex-
ercise often and probably were in bet-
ter physical condition than the victims.
Also, most of the rape thwarters tended
to be angry at the rapists, while victims
were afraid they'd be killed. A mere
tongue-lashing won't deter the rapist,
say researchers, but its an effective
delaying technique.

TONY CURTIS PLAYED THIS ROLE
IN "SOME LIKE IT HOT"

University of New Mexico biolo-
gists have detected female impersona-
tors among male scorpion flies. Imagine,
while the pesty little thieves try to
make off with your lunch, they're doing
a medley of Judy Garland's greatest
hits. That's not quite what scientists
have found. During normal scorpion-
fly courtship, the male captures some
prey, hangs from a twig and then
emits an odor, signaling his treat to the
female population. An aroused female
joins him to share the morsel while
they have sex. If he can't hunt up some
grub, the male fly will wait until another
male has caught something. Then he
proceeds to steal it by mimicking fe-
male courtship posture—wings droop-
ing and genitals hidden. As soon as
he has snatched the food, the trans-
vestite fly buzzes off to find a female.
Researchers observed that the energy
saved by not hunting allows the female
impersonators to copulate more
frequently than the hunters. a

We like to get letters or even candy, Би! for some reason, Sex News readers keep sending us their tomatoes, which arrive a bil under
the weather, soggy and covered with spongy little spots. Here—for the last time ever—cute tomatoes. Next time, do what we'd do—eat ‘em!

Model #41-9516-50-Stainless Steel $195.
Model #41-9524-91-Yellow $235.

CHRO!

CITIZEN

VESALA TELA Z
эе ү

DIGI-ANA

ALARM-CHIME

AMAMMA

QUICK!

IF IT’S 10:09 IN TOKYO,
WHAT TIME IS IT
IN TUCSON?

called someone in another country at
lunchtime, only to wake them up at 3

How many times have you

the morning
Well, now help is at hand.

The Citizen? Quartz Digi-Ana™

Alarm can help you keep time

sir
Bei

multaneously in two places.
ecause it has two faces.

It has a digital display for 12 or
24-hour timeke
conventional dial

ping, Plusa

You'd expect no less from an

unconventional company like

Ci
hi:

tizen. A company with a long
story of firsts. Citizen is

responsible for the world’s first

uartz watch thin enough to break
е Imm barrier. And the world's

most accurate analog quartz watch to
be widely sold.

Of course, the Digi-Ana does
much more than tell you the time.

For example, Digi-Ana has an easy
to set alarm. And a chime you can set
to go off every hour on thé hour.

Digi-Ana also has a Sports
Chronograph that times in 1/100 of a
second. Plus a calendar with day and
date. And thanks to our built-in
illumination, Digi-Ana owners need
never be in the dark.

The Digi-Ana Alarm is designed
with our CQ Quartz technology. It
makes our watches accurate to
within 15 seconds per month.

There's another advancement
Citizen is proud of. We discovered

how to give you all this precision
technology àta resonable price.

So if you need a watch that can
keep time in Tallahassee and
Timbuktu, or Tokyo and Tucson, get
the Citizen Digi-Ana Alarm.

Because the Digi-Ana Alarm is
truly a Citizen of the world.

There's no such thing as
an average Citizen.

CITIZEN

Times shown for Tokyo and Tucson may

Citizen Ws

12130 West Olympic Blvd. Lo
Citizen Watch Co. Ltd., Tokyo, а

э. California 90064
‘COA, INC. 1979

Curious, these Americans.
Many pass judgment
onan imported gin
before trying all three.

To decide on one of the great imported
English gins without sampling all three is like
marrying the first man or woman who
comes along. It might work out, but what
might you have missed?

We'd hate you to miss out on the gentle
gin. But, rather than invest in an entire
bottle, order your next drink made with
Bombay.

Judge for yourself.

If you still prefer another, what have
you lost? But if you favor Bombay, think
what you might have lost.

Bombay
The gentle gin

One of the 3 great gins imported from England.

Carillon Importers, Ltd., N.Y. 86Proof, 100% grain neutral spirits

NEXT MONTH:

HAWAII CALLS MYRA'S APOTHEOSIS. DUDLEY MOORE

“THE IMMODERATE MR. BUSH, THE IMPONDERABLE MR.
REAGAN''—ONE OF THE COUNTRY’S MOST INCISIVE REPORTERS
LAYS BARE THE MEN WHO HOPE TO TURN THE PARTY OF THE
RIGHT INTO THE RIGHT PARTY—BY ROBERT SCHEER

BRUCE JENNER DESCRIBES LIFE AFTER CHRYSTIE, HOW HE
FEELS ABOUT BEING A SWINGING BACHELOR AGAIN—AND COMES
TO TERMS WITH HIS MIXED FEELINGS ABOUT THE OLYMPIC BOY-
COTT IN A SPORTING PLAYBOY INTERVIEW

“AIRLINE SAFETY, PART TWO'—WE'VE ALREADY SEEN THAT
PILOTS (AND CONTROLLERS) ARE ONLY HUMAN. BUT HOW DOES
ONE EXPLAIN THE PLANE THAT FALLS OUT OF THE SKY? SCARY
REPORTAGE—BY LAURENCE GONZALES

“THE OTHER HAWAI OUR 50TH STATE COMPRISES A LOT
MORE THAN THE SANDS OF WAIKIKI, AND OUR TRAVEL EDITOR
LEADS YOU TO SOME OF THE MORE ROMANTIC (I.E., UNSPOILED)
AREAS OF THE ISLANDS—BY STEPHEN BIRNBAUM

“THE APOTHEOSIS OF MYRA"—YOU'D THINK WHEN A GUY
KILLED HIS WIFE HE'D BE RID OF HER. NOT IF SHE TURNS INTO
SOME KIND OF INTERPLANETARY EARTH MOTHER. SCIENCE FIC-
TION WITH A WRY TWIST—BY WALTER TEVIS

“TEN WAYS TO FIND A PERFECT 10" —FROM THE MAN WHO,
AFTER STARRING OPPOSITE BO DEREK IN THE PAST YEAR'S
SLEEPER HIT, OUGHT TO KNOW, ACTOR DUDLEY MOORE

“SOME PERSPECTIVES ON THE PENIS"—ONE OF AMERICA’S
FOREMOST FEMALE EROTIC WRITERS TAKES A LONG, HARD LOOK
AT THE MALE ORGAN—BY LYNDA SCHOR

"| WAS A FIRST-CLASS STOWAWAY"—FOR AN ASPIRING
WRITER, SNEAKING ONTO A TRANSATLANTIC CRUISE SHIP SURE
BEATS WORKING AS A WAITER ON SHORE—BY PETER DALLAS

“SUMMER SEX''—WHEN IT'S HOT, YOU'RE HOT. PLAYBOY TELLS
YOU WHERE TO GO FOR THE BEST BEACHES, THE BEST SHADES,
THE SEXIEST SWIMSUITS AND THE PERFECT TAN

*20 QUESTIONS: GEORGE HAMILTON”—SPEAKING OF SUN-
TANS, HERE'S HOW THE CONTEMPORARY CINEMA'S FUNNIEST
DRACULA/ZORRO DOES IT (IT'S ALL IN THE CONTRACT)

From the legend that is Nikon comes the new
Nikon EM. A lightweight, automatic 35mm camera
designed to make great pictures simpler and more
foolproof than ever before. A camera that gives you
beautiful pictures that аге...

Sharp, and clear, automatically ... alive with rich
colors and vivid detail, because the EM is precision-

engineered by Nikon. Acclaimed by one
of photography’s foremost authorities
for picture quality that rivals
even professional Nikons.
So it may surprise you
to discover that...
For the cost ofjust
anordinary
automatic
single lens
reflex, the
extraordinary
Nikon EM
can be yours!
Atlast, the joys of
fine photography

for pictures t

A Nikon: Official 35mm Camera. 1980 Summer Olympic Games

5 sharp, this

at an affordable price. And, from the very first roll,
you'll find it's also easy to use, because...
Mikons exclusive electronics automatically set the
correct exposure! All you do is focus and shoot.
There's even a unique audible warning signal that
tells you if the lights not right. And to add more
excitement...
The Nikon EM has its own low-cost accessories.
A completely autornatic flash. A dynamic
lightweight motor drive for
action sequences and
automatic film advance.

1 Superb Nikon

| Series E lenses for

wide-angle and

d telephoto shots.
>

Now the greatest
name in photog-
raphy can be
yours. Nikon EM.
It’s not just a
camera.

| It’s a Nikon.

Nikon Inc. 1979 Garden City, New York 11530

Weekends
were made
for Michelob.

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