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ENTERTAINMENT FOR | р + ge peus

ENCORE! л:
A SECOND VISIT .. WHO IS THIS GUY,
WITH HOLEYWOOD'S ANYWAY? BY
HOTTEST NUMBER T ROBERT SCHEER

DR. SHOCKLEY
ON RACE AND
С SPERM BANKS

Taste the gin, too.

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you'll taste the gin, too.

The Frosty Bottle with the diamond label is an official trademark registered with the US. Patent NES

Distilled London Dry Gin, BO Proof. 100% Grain Neutral Spirits. W. & A Gilbey, Ltd., Distr by Nat'l. Dist, a Co. NYC

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Consumer Orientation Subject:

The Blank Paper Principle.
No. 6 ina Series Genesis of Porsche's
of Technical Papers Newest and Best.

РА 0 ————————————_____—

The Porsche 928 began as a blank piece of paper. There were no rules stating that what had been done
before must be done again. Instead, there was an objective: To build from scratch the very best

Porsche to meet the dreams and realities of the balance of this century. What emerged is a sports car that
combines the aggregates of power, handling, comfort, and luxury into one—as no Porsche ever has.
Priced at more than 335,000, the 928 is the newest and finest Porsche ever built.

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Even Comes
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Porsche 928

“EARLY TIMES.
THE WAYIT WAS, IS THE WAY IT IS.

1871. Ahastily arranged reception
for a pioneer balloonist.
On July 4, 1871, an astonished crowd in
lamazoo, Michigan beheld a lone balloonist
end from the sky. He was Professor Steiner,
` the first mortal to fly across Lake Michigan.
^ | And even then, what would have been more
“арр riate at a welcoming party than Early Times.
whisky that made Kentucky whisky famous.
| Today, were still slow-distilling it the same
way we did then. And thoughtful people
always have several bottles on hand for
friends who drop in out of the blue.

PLAY BILL

cover last

WHEN Be Derek first appeared in a bikini on our
March, she was apparently just what winter-weary PLAYBOY
readers needed lo warm them up for spring. More copies of
that issue were sold than any other March issue in PLAYBOY'S
history. Now, Bo . . . Is Back, compliments of John Derek's
loving photographic eye. John (oh. most fortunate of hus-
nds) says he likes to share Bo through his photography. "so
that we can all feast on her beauty." Thanks from all of us,
John. The pictures are delicious. The Dereks are currently at
work on their latest joint film venture, Me, Jane. a remake of
the Tarzan story starring Bo in the title role, We've already
got jungle fever.

If you're still searching for your own 10 (do we hear you
say you'd seule for a 7347), remember: It isn’t just the lady's
looks that make her right for you. The wise man checks the
personality, One such wise man is Harry Stein, whose extended
tours on the battle fronts of love resulted in ticle you'll
want to save for frequent future relerence, Ten Kinds of
Women to Avoid at All Costs. illustrated by Dennis Mula
Stein says, “Researching this piece, 1 heard more depressing
tales than anyone should be forced to endure in a lifetime.
But there was a positive side to the experience: It made me
appreciate even more fully my own woman, who possesses not
a trace of the traits described in the article. Well be married
this summer.” Congratulations, Harry. All good things come
to those who wait.

Speaking of waiting, Syl Jones had to wait several weeks be-
fore William Shockley would even meet with him to discuss
ngements for this month's Playboy Interview. Jone
count of his first meeting with Shockley is poignant. ironic
and funny. Not so funny, however, are Shockley's views on
racial intelligence and genetic engineering. We debated long
and hard about whether or not to publish this interview, but
since the issues Shockley raises will remain with us as long as
science explores genetics, we figured it's better to face those
issues now than later.

And on the subject of facing things now rather than later,
Robert Scheer takes a hard look at Ronald Reagan and his political
(and personal) history in The Reagan Question. You may or
may not be a Reagan fan. but if you think you know Ronnic
the man, read this. You may change your mind

Summer is the season for sweaty, down-and-dirty rock ‘n’
roll, the kind The Doobie Brothers used to play belore they
got mellow. John Eskow profiles the Grammy-winning band in
The Doobie Brothers—from the Top (illustrated by John
Youssi) and discovers that even in rock "n' roll. once you've
hit the really big time, you can't go home skow just
finished a novel for Delacorte about rock musicians titled
Smokestach Lighining that will be available in October.

1 before we leave the topic of people who can't go home
again, we should mention Fanny Hackabout-Jones, who, find-
ing herself the lust object of her stepbrother, her adopted
father and even the redoubtable Alexander Pope. runs away
to seek her fortune in Fanny, Being the True History of the
Adventures of Fanny Hackabout-Jones, our excerpt (illustrat
са by Elizabeth Bennett) [rom Erica Jong's forthcoming novel by
the same title to be published by New American Librar

To round out the issue, Anson Mount is back with Playboy's
Pro Football Preview (don't bet without. it), illustrated by
Martin Hoffman; we have a great fashion spread on boa
Clear Sailing Ahead! by David Platt, photographed by Uli Rose;
lifesaving interview with Durk Peorson in Playboy's New Age
Primer; and, of course, more very beautiful women: Girls of
Hawaii, to be specific, and last (but never least), our Honolulu
of a Playmate, Vitoria Cooke. (Too many cooks spoil the broth,
but one Cooke takes the cake.)

gain.

SCHEER

MUKAL

MOUNT ESKOW

YOUSSI

PLAYBOY (issn 0032 m

PUBLISHED MONTHLY SY PLAYBOY IN NATIONAL AND REGIONAL EDITIONS PLAYBOY BLOG.
46 FOR 12 ISSUES,

POSTMASTER: SEND FORM 3579 TO PLAYBOY, P.O. BOK 2420, BOULDER, COLO. 80302,

PLAYBOY.

vol. 27, no. 8—august, 1980 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE
5
11
15
21
ВОСОК SR О E OS ORS? 28
Readable history and the latest thriller from Jack Higgins.
MUSIC: Sa O es ELS SAE eS $ 32
High-energy Elvis Costello; a visit with The Clash's Strummer.
DINING & DRINKING ince os oer cree ree 36
Here's where to eat when you head for Atlanta.
IMOVIES Е AOE Na teen Omens 40
Cheers for Long Riders, Fome, but forget Gemini and Buffalo.
Hawaiians
COMING ATTRACTIONS ...................... 48
Likely pairings: Bisset & Bergen, Bronson & Marvin; Popeye — зЬ
PLAYBOY'S TRAVEL GUIDE ... 2... -STEPHEN BIRNBAUM 50
How to make your money last longer overseas.
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR .................................... 53
THE PLAYBOY FORUM 57
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: WILLIAM SHOCKLEY—candid conversation .... 69

The Nobel Prize-winning scientist defends his controversial and often inflam-
matory theories on racial superiority and genetic social engineering in what
will surely be one of this years mos! widely (ond heatedly) discussed
Playboy Interviews.

FANNY, BEING THE TRUE HISTORY OF THE

ADVENTURES OF FANNY HACKABOUT-JONES—fiction. . ERICA JONG 104
In which the orphaned heroine attempts to defend her virginity against her
stepbrother, her adoptive father and the silver-tongued Alexander Pope.

ВО .. . IS BACK—pictorial
She's home from a vacation in Japan and Europe with a firm grip on her career
and looking more beautiful than ever. And she's back with us, compliments of

husband John’s photography, in 12 pages of glistening color.

THE REAGAN QUESTION—aorticle ................ ROBERT SCHEER 120
He'll probably win the Republican nomination, and he's such a familiar face
that you may feel as if you know him. But you probably don't—and what you
don't know con hurt you.

ICAN AVE.. CHICAGO. ILLINOIS 0611. RETURN POSTAGE MUST ACCOMPANY ALL MANUSCRIPTS. DRAWINGS AND PHOTOGRAPHS SUBRITTEO
E ASSUMED FOR UNSOLICITED MATERIALS. ALL RIGHTS IN LETTERS SENT 70 PLAYSCY WILL DE TREATED AS UNCONDITIONALLY ASSIGNED
DIEET TO PLAYBOY'S UNRESTRICTED RICHT TO [DIT AND TO COMMENT EDITORIALLY. CONTENTS COPYRIGHT 1980 вт ғълунот. Att
RIGHTS RESERVED, PLAYBOY AND RABBIT HEAD SYMBOL ARE MARKS OF PLAYBOY. REGISTERED U. 5. PATENT OFFICE, HARCA REGISTRATA. MARQUE DEPOSE. NOTHING MAY BE REPRINTED IN WHOLE
Om їн PART WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THE PUBLISHER. ANY SIMILARITY BETWEEN THE PEOPLE AMD PLACES IN THE FICTION AND SEMIFICTION IN THIS MAGAZINE AND ANY REAL PEOPLE
AND PLACE 14 PURELY COINCIDENTAL, CREOITS: COVER: MODEL/ ACTRESS BO DEREK. PHOTOGRAPHED Dv JONN DEREK, OTHER PHOTOGRAPHY BY: JIM DE VAULT. P. з; DOUGLAS KIRKLAND.

GENERAL OFFICES: тїлүвот BUILDING. этэ NORTH
Ir THEY ANE то RE RETURNED ANO мо RESPONSIBILITY
FOR PUBLICATION AND COPYRIGHT PURPOSES AMD AS

COVER STORY

John Derek's photograph of his wife heralds the return of lo Bo (she appeared here last
March) lo our poges—12 of them, in fact, starting on page 108. We had a little office
contest to name this pictorial and thought you'd like some of the losers: Bo's Regards,
Merci, Bo's Coup!, Bo Geste and, naturally, Mo’ Bo. If's enough to drive you Bonanas.

COOKE'S TOUR—playboy's playmate of the month ............... 124
Some girls just dream of living in a tropical paradise; Victoria Cooke made
her dream come true. And if you don't think Hawaii is paradise, you haven't
seen Victoria on an Oahu beach (but you will).

PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor .......................... . 136

THE DOOBIE BROTHERS—FROM THE TOP—arlicle ....JOHN ESKOW 138
They started out as a shitkicking, hard-rocking motorcycle band, but a decade
later they're throwing golf tournaments, winning Grammys and waxing nos-
talgic for those bar gigs.

CLEAR SAILING AHEAD!—attire...........-..-..--- DAVID PLATT 141

Boating fashions that will make all you captains feel like kings.

TEN KINDS OF WOMEN

TO AVOID AT ALL COSTS—article .. .HARRY STEIN 146
We'll bet ten to one that after you read this you 1 say to yourself, | wish I'd
read this when I was 1B. If you're 18, you'll thank us for the rest of your life.

GETTING IT ON WITH GREENS—food ...... .. EMANUEL GREENBERG 150 реи
Our search for the truly satisfying salad hos ended.

GIRLS OF HAWAll—pictorial ................................ 152
We asked Staff Phorographer Richard Fegley and Contributing Photographer
Ken Marcus to find and photograph the most beautiful, sexy women on those
islands (which are crammed with some).

THE HYDE PARK FROLIC—ribald classic ...................... . 161
PLAYBOY'S PRO FOOTBALL PREVIEW— sports .... .. ANSON MOUNT 162
Our peerless prognosticator sizes up the N.F.L. teams for the coming gridiron
season.
PLAY BON: FUNNIES—homor, Sea E eo c eco e en 168
PU'AYBOY,S PIPERINE S SIS асыш еле E Pe 173
Man & Woman, stereo cartridges, why buy when you can barter?
РАВОЎ POTPOURRI cece ызы: Rigs Heide sues 220 bcm
PLAYBOYS NEW. AGE PRIMER. OLS Sans cap ana ae es ETE 245

Durk Pearson on how to live past 150; space passports.

BIAYBOY BUZZLE Si Ша зҮ od necktie aS sabe - 248

LITTLE ANNIE FANNY— satire .. HARVEY KURTZMAN and WILL ELDER 253

PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE. s . 257

Small tote bags, hats, dental. hygiene gadgets, Grapevine, Sex News. Doobies P. 138
P. 48: © 1900 MATTHEW KLEIN, P. 150, 151; JIM LARSON, P. 5; LARRY L. LOGAN, P. 5 (з), їн (a), 12) GARRICK MADISON, P. 178, 220, 221 (2); ALAN MARKFIELD/ REPORTAGE INTL,
това, тотуы ілам. PROPERTIES, ING, AND E WORLD PHOTOS, im. sens: COLUMBIA INAKAY BETWEEN. mis, тйл, AARAU MINT cane INEENS ШЕГИН Г. ASAE, тшк

Get man-sized roll-on
protection with thenew
Brut 33 Roller-Ball. The anti-
perspirant and deodorant
are up in the handle so the
big ball's always ready to
roll. It's super-dry and long-
lasting too. Brut 33 Roller-Ball
Anti-perspirant or Deodor-
ant. Man-sized protection
and the great smell of Brut.

PLAYBOY

HUGH M. HEFNER
editor and publisher

NAT LEHRM

N associate publisher

ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director
ARTHUR PAUL art director
GARY COLE photography director
G. BARRY GOLSON executive editor
TOM STAEBLER executive art director

EDITORIAL
ARTICLES: JAMES MORGAN editor; STAFF:
WILLIAM J. HELMER, GRETCHEN MC NELSE, DAVID
STEVENS senior editors; JAMES R. PETERSEN
senior staff writer; ROBERT E. CARR, WALTER Le
LOWE, BARBARA NELLIS, JOHN REZEK associate
editors; JOHN BLUMENTHAL staff writer;
SUSAN. MARGOLIS-WINTER assistant new york
editor; TtRESA GROSCH, KATE NOLAN, J. F.
O'CONNOR, TOM PASSAVANT assistant editors;
SERVICE FEATURES: том OWEN modern liv-
ing editor; ED WALKER assistant editor; DAVID
PLATT fashion director: CARTOONS: MICHELLE
URRY editor; COPY: ARLENE BOURAS editor;
STAN AMBER assistant editor; JACKIE JOUNSON
FORMELLER, MARCY MARGHI, BARI LYNN

PEG SCHULTZ, DAVID TARDY, MARY ZION TE
searchers; CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: ASA
BABER, STEPHEN BIRNBAUM (travel), MURRAY
FISHER, LAWRENCE GROBEL, NAT HENTOFF,
ANSON MOUNT, PETER ROSS RANGE, RICHARD
RHODES, JOHN SACK, ROBERT SHERRILL, DAVID
STANDISH, BRUCE WILLIAMSON (movies); CON-
SULTING EDITORS: LAWRENCE DIETZ,
LAURENCE GONZALES

ART
кємє rore managing director; LEN WIS,
CHET suski senior directors; BOB POST, sj
WILLIAMSON associate directors; BRUCE MANSEN,
THEO KOUVATSOS, JOSEPH PACZEK assistant
directors; BETH KASIK senior art assistant;
FEARL MIURA, JOYCE PEKALA art assistants;
SUSAN HOLMSTROM traffic coordinalor; BAR-
BARA HOFEMAN administrative assistant

PHOTOGRAPHY

MARLYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor
COHEN, JANICE MOSES associate editors;
ARD FECLEY, POMPEO POSAR staf] photogra-
hers; JAMES LARSON photo manager; вил
ARSENAULT, DON AZUMA, DAVID CHAN, NICHOLAS
DE SCIOSE, PHILLIP DIXON, ARNY FREYTAG,
DWIGHT HOOKER, R. SCOTT HOOPER, RICHARD
алал, STAN MALINOWSKI, KEN MARCUS conlrib-
uting photographers; PATTY BEAUDET assistant
editor; MIEN MERRY (London), JEAN PIERRE
ному (Paris), LUISA stewart (Rome) cor-
respondents; JAMES ward color lab superi
sor; ROBERT CHELIUS administrative editor

PRODUCTION
JOHN MASTRO director; ALLEN VARGO Manager;
MARIA. MANDIS assistant mannger; ELEANOR
WAGNER, JODY JURGETO, RICHARD QUARTAROLI
assistants

READER SERVICE,
CYNTHIA LACEY SIKICH manager

CIRCULATION
RICHARD SMITH. director; ALVIN WIEMOLD sub
scription manager

ADVERTISING
HENRY W. MARKS director

ADMINISTRATIVE
MICHAEL LAURENCE business manager; PATRICIA
PAPANGELIS administrative editor; PAULETTE
GAUDET rights & permissions manager; MiL
DRED ZIMMERMAN administrative assistant

PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC.
DERICK J. DANIELS president

SUBARU.
IT’S EVEN BEAUTIFUL
IN PLACES YOU CAN'T SEE.

Your dollar may buy a lot less of : four-wheel independent suspension
everything else. But today, it m UNE, S = that gives Subaru incredible road
buys alot more Subaru. For 1980, X И sense. And the new Subaru body

we've made our cars larger, 1 tyles have impact-absorbing
roomier, more comfortable апа && : 7 structure, front and rear, to protect
more elegant. While engineering A : your valuable possessions. Like
hem to pinch pennies. C life. And limb.
ACAR THAT’S BEAUTIFUL = 4-WHEEL DRIVE FOR CROSS-TOWN
CAN ALSO BE INTELLIGENT. AS WELL AS CROSS-COUNTRY.

On the 1980 Subaru, the down-
sloping hood and the air dam
under its “chin” are designed for
low wind resistance and high
gas mileage. So our DL Hardtop

Subaru four-wheel drive cars are
comfortable,
civilized and
economical.

Subaru 4WD’s handle nimbly

5-speed and respond quickly. And shift
28 "AGE. | really YOU CAN’TSEESOMEOF from front-wheel to four-wheel
delivers. OUR BEST SELLING POINTS. drive at up to 50 mph.

Н So whether you choose four-
OUR ENGINE IS DESIGNED TO Many Subaru advantages are out _,

HELP OUR CAR HANDLE BETTER. of sight. We give you lo separate bodie
The horizontally opposed, alu- brake line circuits. If one fails, У ЖҮЛ ae eris rough
minum Subaru engine lies low ^ Subaru still gives you a brake. ЕЕ. With ОЛУШ E m
and flat with its weight positioned For 1980, Subaru introduces i the hol B Р gy
evenly over the front E a 1 о «тш suspension, ОГ
Coupled with Subaru front-wheel makes the car easier to turn an
drive, this results in superior reduces steering wheel kick back, SUBARU 9
road holding on hills and curves. while increasing tire life. Rubber INEXPENSIVE. AND BUILT
Even in snowy, slippery weather. mountings create full-floating, TO STAY THAT WAY.

{ОЗЕ ESTIMATED MPG FOR COMPARISONS. YOUR MILEAGE MAY DIFFER DEPENDING
QN DRIVING SPEED

MILEAGE WILL BE LESS IN HEAVY TRAFFIC. CALIFORNIA ESTIMATES LOWER

Summer
Seven Style

Summer’s here and the mixing is easy. Refresh yourself with a tall, cool glass
of Seagram's 7 with 7UR, cola, ginger ale or your favorite mixer.
Enjoy summer Seven style! And enjoy our quality in moderation.

Seagram's 7 Crown

Where quality drinks begin.

SEAGRAM DISTILLERS CO., Н.У. AMERICAN WHISKEY—A BLEND. BO PROOF.

THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY

in which we offer an insider's look at what's doing and who's doing it

ON HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD,
A STAR IS BORN

Now, here’s a smart gift for that hard-to-shop-for guy! On
Hugh Hefner's birthday (see marquee above), the Hollywood
Historic Trust saluted him with a star in the legendary
Hollywood Walk of Fame. First publisher so honored,
Hef was cited for his efforts to save the Hollywood sign.

Inspecting Hef's newly unveiled %| star—which is right next to
one honoring W. C. Fields at 7000 Hollywood Boulevard—are
(from left) Bill Hertz, chairman of the Hollywood Walk o! Fame;
KTTV's Bill Welsh, who is the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce
president; Hef; and Hollywood's honorary mayor Monty Hall.

At his Playboy Mansion West birthday bash, Hef bear-hugs
Can't Stop the Music producer Allan Carr (between the film's
stars, Valerie Perrine and Bruce Jenner). Below left, Redd
Foxx has a few choice words for Hef. That's Entertainment
Producer Jack Haley, Jr., below right with Debbie Cheno-
with, concocted That's Hef, a video tribute for the party.

Tony Curtis, due next in The Mir-
ror Crack'd, gets a laugh from
Hef, above. Eying each other (left)
are асігеѕѕ/1969 Playmate of the
Year Connie Kreski and Mac
(it's Hard to Be Humble) Davis.

THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY

SKETCHING CLASS

Artis about to imitate life as this month's
Playmate, Victoria Cooke, poses in Lon-
don for David Wynne, doing a sculpture
for Playboy's Atlantic City complex.

CHURLS OF THE SOUTHWEST CONFERENCE

Alter Baylor University honchos threatened to expel coeds for posing nude in next
month's Girls of the Southwest Conference feature, members of The NoZe Brotherhood,
a campus salire group, protested. Here they are with PLAYBOY photog David Chan.

| ALL THIS AND
TALENT, TOO!

Flo Ziegfeld, eat your
heart out. The Play-
mates, a vocal group
made up of some of
our most harmonious
Playmates, are getting
ready for a showbiz
debut. Shown rehears-
ing with Playboy exec
Tom Hall are Miss July
1977, Sondra Theo-
dore (left), Miss Sep-
Î tember 1978, Rosanne
Î Katon, and future Play-
BE male Jeana Tomasino.

MERCADO SPIKES THE PUNCH

Bernardo Mercado (dark trunks) and Earnie Shavers, the World Boxing Coun-
cil’s number-one heavyweight contender, clinch during a match at Playboy's
Great Gorge Resort. Mercado scored an upset when the fight was stopped.

ET FU, MANCHU?

Peter Sellers (with Helen Mirren, above) doubles
as Oriental villain and British hero in The Fiendish
Plot of Dr. Fu Manchu, due from Orion in August.
Hef is executive producer of the Zev Braun pic-
ture, in association with Playboy Productions.

The Head Edge

it lets you do things you
couldn't do before.

The Edge? racquet lets you get solidly behind

more balls than you do now. It's got a sweet spot

that's a lot bigger than the sweet spot on a conventional

racquet. But. being mid-sized, it's easier to control, easier

to handle, than one of those jumbos.

So, suddenly, balls you used to run to and take mere swipes

at, you can now be hitting with power on the sweel spot.

You're also looking at sportswear that lets you do things you

couldnt do before. Head®Tennis Wear isn't just crisp, clean,

uncluttered and classically stylish clothing. It's functionally

designed to help you play all out, with confidence and comfort.
The Head Edge and Head Tennis Wear:
They'll both win points for you.

We can make a difference
in your game.
Head Tennis کڪ‎
Head Sports Wear © AMF Incorporated, 1980

=
My new home, portable video recorder.
a = а m- m
Panasonic calls it Omnivision.
| a [11 а т а yy
Icallit “Reggievision:
"This Panasonic portable Omnivision™ VHS" videotape ^ optional battery pack. There's also an optional car-
recorderis like an all-star team. The PV-3100 recorder battery adapter. (The Panasonic portable video recorder
with its optional programmable tuner/timer (PV-A35P) has almost as many options as my contract.)
lets you record up to 6 hours of TV at home and 8 m. And this Omnivision ought to win the
different shows over 14 days when you're ‚ MVP (Most Valuable Panasonic) award

making a road trip. * | with its special features that let you
"When there's nothing good on ж = freeze any frame. Ог

TV, make your own shows—either ] ,': advance slowly frame by
indoors or outdoors—by adding a ien, \ z. frame and see every
Panasonic PK-700 color-sound ae 5 =>, b Pp yl detail of
camera. And {ook at these major à} \ =) hiec УЫ. Є the action.
league features: A motorized 610-1.) F22 2 forit,justone a
zoom lens, automatic exposure con- Р more touch would make
trol, color balance and a telescoping 5 f it perfect—a name with a
condenser mike. mE certain inimitable style and

"The portable recorder comes } зә. grace: Which is, of course
complete with a Panalioid™ is. Why call it'Reggievision"
rechargeable battery so you د‎

can shoot for up to 1 hour.
And for an extra hour
of taping, there's an

DEAR PLAYBOY

ADDRESS DEAR PLAYBOY
PLAYBOY BUILDING
919 N. MICHIGAN AVE.
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611

SMILES IN THE AISLES
Аз a PLAYBOY reader since 1963, I have
grown accustomed to seeing the most
beautiful w in the world on the
pages of your magazine. However, your
May Perfect Attendants pictorial is sure-
ly the most magnificent ever seen by
n man. Karen Abbott of American
ines rendered me speechless.
Mickey Roberson
Shreveport, Louisiana

You have surpassed yourselves once
again. Your glorious pictorial оп stew-
ardesscs convinced me more than ever
that the best place for observing the
moon and other heavenly bodies is an
aisle seat, not a window scat.

Walt Jason
Detroit, Michigan

We in the stations department. of
Hughes Airwest in Phoenix would like
to express our thanks and support of
PLAYBOY id our own beautiful Chris
Gibson for the layout in you issue.

s ployees

tions

Hughes Airwest

"Thanks for setting us back about 20
years and subjecting us to unnecessary
ridicule, suspicion and degrading com-
ments from our passengers. It's really a
lot of fun to have to explain that “No,
we don't screw in the lays; no, we don't
get laid on layovers, etc." Thanks for
nothing.

Joyce Buor
New York, New York

The May issue of PLAvnoy has set back
the flight-attendant image ten years. I
appreciate the rights of pLaynoy and of
the individual women who posed to do
and say as they feel; however, the public
display of uniforms and the cle titled
Confessions of a Flight Attendant in-

nts think

sinuate that all flight attenda
and act as those particular nen do. I
personally am a flight attendant who is
a happily married mother of two d
dren. I would like to see this position
continue to expand as a career and a
position of respect. These women are
exceptions, not the rule.
Pamela Christen
stern Airlines
Elizabeth, New Jersey
Let’s get together, now. Was it ten or
20 years pLaynoy sel you bach? Frankly,
we think we've given you a pretty good
welcome into the Eighties. The fact that
an unusually attractive group of airline
attendants chose to share their good for-
tune with us is cause for celebration, not
19th Century finger waggling. The first-
person account of one attendant’s ex-
periences should be accepted as just that:
one attendant's experiences. (By the way,
she never reported attendants’ screwing
in the ау, only passengers.) Our article
shows attendants to be as different as
their number (or their sex). It could not
be more positive about their education,
their lifestyles, their personalities or their
beauty. If we have changed anyone's
views toward flight attendants, we think
it’s for the better. But prejudices about
the profession existed well before our
feature and, suman nature being what
it is, will no doubt continue despite
anyone's efforts.

As Texas International flight attend-
ants, we would like to know why we
were not approached on the subject. We
believe our airline representa would
have been a definite asset to your article.
So... what's the deal? ~?

Chris Bené

Pam Deamer

Houston, Te:

I have just seen your May issue and,
as a flight attendant, I would like to

PLAYBOY, (155# 0032-1478), AUGUST, 1800, VOLUME 27, NUMBER 8, FDBLISHED MONTHLY BY PLAYBOY. PLAYBOY BLOG., 915

н. MICHIGAN AVE., CHICAGO, LL. ов. вш
SCRIPTIONS AND RENEWALS. CHANGE OF ADD
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It's convenient, inexpensive
and it really works.

Read label for directions,

thank yourfor contributing to the resto-
ration of the “glamorous airline stew-
ardess.” My only regret is that my
i is not represented! Should you
do another pictorial featuring flight at-
tendants, please keep me and Frontier
Airlines in mind.

Sheril Vradenburg
Dallas, Texas

TALESE ON THE LOOSE

Your interview with Gay Talese in the
May issue is quite interesting and pro-
vocative. I admire the man's courage in
breaking away from the traditional
bounds of nonfiction writing, as well as
his willingness to put his personal and
private life on the line with his new

book, Thy Neighbor's Wife.
CALCUSTOM : ae
ў Campbell, California
REDESIGNS `
‘Thanks so much, Larry DuBois. for
THE H Ї | à providing us with such a candid inter-
1 U AR i view with lese. That is what I
ary i call а superb job!

Tavier Damien
Little Silver, New Jersey

Having just finished your excellent
ese, I find my
en old enough in
1971 to enjoy the happenings at Sand-
stone. Maybe if I had, I wouldn't. feel
so guilty when I want to make love to a
different man every day.

Kathy H. Alexander

San Diego. California

"What to doif youre DRACONIS CUR

Why did lese not include his wife in

any of his group sexual experiences? It

ced orl ага a es oot: арис Аас чаш
hoped his wife would understand. IL it
% by Hale Irwin did so much for him personally, why
didn’t he attempt to enrich wife's

life to the same extent? How can he say
his life has changed? He has not put his

“The only way I can keep my feet feeling

up to par is to use Dr. Scholl's Solvex feelings to the fire as the Sandstone
Athlete's Foot Products’ couples did, because he participated with

When you feel the first itch of athlete's someone with whom he was not emo-
foot, just apply Dr. Scholl's Solvex Ointment tionally involved. and that was no grow-

or Spray. Solvex kills athlete's foot fungi ing experie ncc—he was simply screwing
on contact. And helps control the itching in a group as opposed to one on one.
and burning of athlete's foot. pnas: Radin E
And, if you want to beat the itch before it starts, Мше: к Eng
try regular applications of Dr. Scholl's Solvex |
Powder. It absorbs the moisture 4
a

ISLAM IN THE WEST

Our subscription to PLAYnOY was origi-
ly for the sake of my husband. How-
er, after four years, my reactions and
interest in many of your articles and
interviews are such that he has to wait
hiis turn to get to this magazine! I don't
agree with everything you say and often
become agitated with your interpreta-
tion of various controversial political
and moral issues of our times. But that's
the fun of it! I would like to thank you
particularly for the outstanding article
by Bruce Michael Gans and Walter L.
Lowe on The Islam Gonnection in your

that athlete's foot thrives in and
helps prevent reinfection.

“Face it, who knows more
about feet than Dr. Scholl's? Their
Solvex keeps my mind off my feet.
And on the ball?

May issue, a fascinating portrait of Wal-
lace D. Muhammad. This article has
given many people like myself (WASPs)
certainly not a working knowledge but
at the least an introductory understand-
ing of Islamic feelings and tenets and
the correlation of American blacks to
Islam. I wish that our local news media
would try to enlighten us concerning
such important keys of understanding
in these wying times.

Debby Roberts

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Joann Dalcy’s illustration suggests that
the members of the World Community
of Аат in the West look upon and
worship our imam, Wallace D. Muham
mad, as if he were some kind of god. It
is deeply important that your readers
and the world know that we, the mem-
bers of the W.C.LW., do not worship or
bow down to our imam, nor does he ask
us to. We bow down and worship noth-
ing and no one but the one God whose
proper name is Allah

Amin Abdul Islam (Ellis
W. Mathews, Jr.)
Lewisburg, Pennsylvania

LEGAL NOTICE
Oh, boy, it's so great to be able to
write all you fans a lewer in rLavnoy.
You know, at first they wanted me to be
in a centerfold, but I didn't want them
to put that staple in my stomach. The
reason Fm writing is to let you know
that there are a bunch of Sluggos out
there selling fake Mr. Bill T-shirts and
buttons and pins and even litle elcaric
chairs to put me in (rravsov, April,
Potpourri). How sick cam you get? T
think there are a lot of better things you
an spend your allowance on, like help-
ing the space shuttle get up in the air or
putting good solar panels on our roofs
or suppor S.O.S., the drive to Stamp
Out Sluggos in our lifetime. 1 wish I
could contribute more to those things,
but alter Mr. Hands and Sluggo take
out the expenses from my pay check, I
only get five dollars а week. That's why
1 have to wear the same clothes all the
time. So, kids, thanks for watching me
1 1 hope to sce you on the “big screen"
real soon, too. Yay!
Mr. Bill
New York, New York

SINS OF OMISSION
Vm afraid J

Suuller completely
misses the boat in his article The Tough-
est Job in Sports (rLavywov, May). I find
it inaedible that there is not even a
mention of gymnastics. Sorry, Stuller,
but I think gymnastics has your num-
ber-one sport (boxing—ugh!) outclassed
in several rating categories, including
(for starters) required. body coordina-
tion, precision of performance, need for
physical preparation, complexity of skill

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PLAYBOY

preparation, energy expenditure and
frequency of crucial moments. I might
also add that gyn cs (and gymnasts)
are infinitely more appealing, because
there is none of the mindless brutality
of boxing.

Pat Ley
Beaumont, Texas

Where did motocross end up? In Eu
rope, tests have been rum since the early
Seventies and moto-cross has consistent-
ly been one of the top two most physi
ing sports in the world
Granted, duking it out for 15 rounds
would take quite a toll on the body.
well as the mind, but two 40-minute
motos are not just strolls in the
either,

Jack J. Keaton Ш
Carmichael, С

As a rugby player. I do take umbrage
at the fact that Stuller didn't even rate
rugby players—except in his backhanded
comment about their digestive powers.
In no other sport does a player have to
battle continuously lor 90 minutes with
only five minutes at the half. And dur-
ing tournaments, there are two, some-
times three games each day! But it
doesn't end there. A rugby player has to
go and consume copious quantities of
beer after the game. being careful not to
puke. More often than not, he then has
to burst into song, singing any number
of precious ditties. To top it all off, the
true rugby player has to get laid,

MI of this in one short day!
Boyd McConnell
Calgary, Alberta

I was aggravated to see that the cock-
eyed rating system ranks golfers and auto
racers substantially above marathoners.

Frederick J. Mc
Deerfield, New Hampshire

The toughest job
g to Howard Cosell

sports is listen-

Robert Mackie
"Toronto, Ont

THOMSEN ON TOP
My deepest thanks to Arny Freytag
for his wonderful pictorial of Miss May
Martha Thomsen, Her soft beauty i
overwhelming, She is truly one in a mil-
lion. Thank you for showing us the best
I wish she were a California girl.
Peter Lianides
Sara California

I hope you plan on featuring Martha
Thomsen again soon. She could only
work up in the douds—an exquisite
zel. She has my vote for Playmate of
the Year for 1981.

Thomas Gu
Whittier, California

The one and only fault I can find is

that her name, Martha Thomsen, is so
plain. 1 highly recommend that she
change it—to mine!

When F saw that our birth dates were
the same, I knew that wasn’t the only
chemistry working between Miss М

and me! Sh the most beautiful girl I
have ever seen. Please give us апо
look at this W;

shington wonder!
Phillip Davidson
Russellville, Alabama
The same birthday is the slimmest of
reasons 10 show you another shot of

Martha, Phil. But insofar as Miss Thom-
sen is concerned, we're shameless.

KNEPPER'S A KEEPER
T would like to congratulate Arny
Freytag om his May cover photo. The
picture of Terri Knepper is beautiful
and so is she. If only United Airlines
“on time” record looked as good.
Don Gonzalez
Saguache, Colorado

This is a first for me! Never have T
written good or bad to any publication
about anybody. However, the cover pic
ture of Terti Knepper on your May issue
is the most delicious thing 1 have ever
seen. She looks very much like a girl I
used to go with when I was a young
n—could be her daughter. Now I am
in my 60s, but not too old to dream.

H. Adams

Ritchie

Taryland

I have enjoyed your magazine for
у 4 recently became а sub-

I have never considered writing
to you, because I have always
felt the quality of your magazine was so
exceptional that words would seem in-
adequate. However, I just received my

May issue and was so stricken I felt I
had to write. The photo of Terri Knep
per on your cover is absolutely incredi-
ble. She is probably the most beautiful
woman ever to grace your magazine. 1
was crushed. not to see more of her in
the issue. It is а shame she's not
Playmate; she would definitely have my
vote.

Randall C. Paul
Columbia, South Carolina
Settle down, gentlemen, we saw the
same cover you did; Terri has been set
for the full centerfold treatment just in
time for Christmas.

MOVIE MADNESS

Tam a woman who has been reading
your magazine for six years. 1 find noth
ing obscene or offensive about it. Your
articles and pictorials are always of the
highest quality. That is why I was so
disturbed to see the picture on page 184
of the article The Year in Movies
(rLAvmov, May 1980) of the mutilated
penis (actually, I can't tell what it ist). I
hope this is not the start of your using
violence for the sake of shock in your

\ (Name withheld by request)
Rochester, New York

One thing you will never
see in this magazine is a photo of a
mutilated penis. The shot you refer io
shows the emergence from a
chest of the Alien from the movie of the
It is not the start of any-

Puh-leeze.

victim's

sume. name.
thing. Whew

I hate to be a nitpicker, but when it
involves my favorite beer, I take excep-
tion. In the May 1980 pLaynoy. there is
in error in the article The Year in Mov-
ies. On page 185, Meryl Streep is not
pouring a Heineken on Alan Alda's
crotch. As anyone who loves great beer
knows, she is pouring a Tuborg Gold. 1
cringe at such a waste of good beer

Robert M. Foxwell
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Our apologies to the folks at Heineken
and our apologies to the folks at Tuborg.
Satisfied?

It was not a Hare Krishna who had
his head shaved down to the neck by
helicopter in Dawn of the Dead. It was

Il blond man who looks a great
ın and sometime
student | know. The zombie simply

stood up in the blade's rotation path
The Hare Krishna didn't show up until
the shopping-center scenes. Apparently
the author of The Year in Movies has
been harassed once too often in airports
and saw what he wanted to sec
Michael Thompson
Berwick, Louisiana
Our apologies to blond men, zombies,
Hare Krishnas, students and. policemen.
We refuse to apologize to helicopters.

Benson & Hedges
Lights

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1 That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health.

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PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS

MA BELL RINGS CHIMES

An obscene phone caller in Denver
has come up with a novel method for
getting the most from his message units
Calling small grocery stores, he tells the
unsuspecting clerks that he is a repre
sentative of Moun 3 Bell and that
their lines have been tapped in an effort
to catch obscene telephone callers. He
then informs the clerks that should one
of these low-lifes call, they should en
courage the pervert and keep him on the
line for as long as possible. The dement-
ed dialer then hangs up and calls back
moments later using a disguised voice

He then diddles a

way his day asking the
cooperative clerks every obscene question
in the book. Irs the next-best thing to
being there.

RED MENACE

With thoughts of holding his pickle
somethi useful
lettuce, a 23-year-old Louisiana coll
student calling himself the Human
French Fry set a record for catsup sit
ting. squatting in a tub filled with the
pasty stuff for 17 and a half hours. Just
what was it that motivated Rip Howell,
a geology student at the University of
Southwestern. Louisiana, to embark on
such a lofty task? Well that
there is no record for the catsup squat
in the Guinness Book of World Records
nd Rip felt that he was just the kind of
burger-brained guy to set it. "I'm totally
insane,” |
from a person over in Ala
in a tub of chocolate puddi

and doi with his

it seems

commented. “I got the idea
hama who sat

lor 98

hours!"

TAKE-OUT TERRIER

Tn mainland China, the term puppy

chow has taken on new meaning. In the
city ol Chi-lin, for instance, dog meat is

so popular with local gourmands that
one restaurant, suffering a shortage of
the stuff, asked local citizens to cash in
their bowwows. The response was ov
One Peking
Party newspaper reported that "in less
than one month, 1369 dogs were bought.
a supply that can last one year for this
restaurant.” The party newspaper con-
gratulated the eatery for using capital-
isticstyle private enterprise instead of
waiting for some central
ganization to ship it the dog meat

NUMBER ONE WITH A BULLET

At Elektra/ Asylum Records’ New York
headquarters, a young rock-n-roll fan
showed up with a surefire hit maker
small gun. Pulling the gat from his
pocket and firing one shot into the com-
pany's ceiling,

whelmin Communi:

'overnment Or-

he announced, "I have

five bullets in my gun. One of them is
for me.” The slightly crazed gent, Joseph
Paul Rivera, then sat down with office
manager Ruth Manne, who tried to talk

him out of his plan. Eventually, the
pistol packer saw the error of his
ways and made a request—to hear the

agles Desperado on local radio station
WPLIJ-FM. The station, happy to find
out that there was someone actually
listening out there. readily did just th
When the Eagles were done warbling,
Rivera sighed contentedly and surren-
thus giv
Things could have been worse.
At first the guy had asked to meet Jack-
son Browne.

1g this story а happy

DANGLING DAMSEL

Three Duquesne University students,
two of them basketball stars, have been
charged with tying a coed to a chair
and dangling her out an HHth-floor dor-
mitory window. Tamara Jo McCartt, 21
ys that she was seized in her dorm
room, carried to another room, gagged,
tied to a chair and then dangled from
window by Ronnie Dixon, Roderick
Scott and Jeffrey Thomas. University
officials investigating the incident de-
clined comment on the students’ actions.
Better check those SAT scores, dean.

AERIAL BURIAL

OK. You've died. That's il, no more
breathing, mo more caviar, no more

Ferrari, no move taxes. Your body is
cremated and, to honor your dying re
quest, your ashes are spread over the
Pacific Occan, or a favorite mountain
range, or Poughkeepsie, New York. Well,
in our moments,
wondered who would take us up for our
last trip and how those air rites are
performed. Too squeamish lo inquire

s, we dispatched writer Tom

more sanguine

we’

PLAYBOY

Miller to find out for us. Here is his
report.

We were circling over Tucson in a
Piper Cherokee Warrior as the Santa
Cata Mountains came into view. To
my side was pilot Larry Oswalt. In the
back seat was Ed. 82 years old. Ed had
died of old age five
job was to scatter

6100 FEET AND RISI
a little box in gold wrapping paper,”
the 30-year-old pilot explained. "A lim-
ousine brings the box out to the airport
and a tuxedocd chauffeur carrics it into
the office. It just sits on a counter until
onc of the pilots has some time.

6800 FEET. "That's Mt. Lemmon below
us now. Most people around here seem
nt their ashes scattered there, and
Шу let them out at the
every time. It’s really a peaceful a

7200 FEET. Ed. whose remains have
heen dumped into a grocery bag tied at
the top with a four-foot rope, is brought
up front, Larry takes out a knife and
cuts four perforations in the bag, one
on each side, parallel to the bottom
“When I open the door and let the bag
out, ГИ hold onto the rope and the wind
the bag 1 along
where I've sliced it."

7500 FEET. Larry puts the plane into
slow Night. Opening his door slightly. he
shoves the grocery bag out, holding onto
it with the rope. The bottom of the bag
rips away and Ed's remains sprinkle
down over a meadow. Larry looks over
his shoulder for one last glimpse at the
descending ashes and pulls the rope back
Anothei burial completed.
0 FEET AND DESCENDIN Once ii
while, relatives want to come
Larry said as we looped back to the

rport. “I'm not too crazy about th;
it gets too intense. They tend to get
very emotional—especially when you're
about to let the ashes go. Something
could go wrong, too.

“One time. another pilot went up and
got caught in an air pocket where the
current reversed on him. Right alter the
bag broke, the ashes flew back in and got.
all over the place."

What happened?

“As soon as the plane got back, we
had to clean it out. The poor guy ended
up in a vacuum cleane:

KNIGHTS OF THE FORMICA TABLE

ical a

acria

Some pol d economic observ-

ers insist that the current. Administration

sending Am hurtling back to
the Middle Ages. If that’s the case, no
one could be happier than James $.

25-year-old Knoxville, Tennessee,

nsurance adjuster who is the national
president of the Society for Cı ve
Anachronism. Pratt, known as Baron

Cathal MacEdan to his peers, is the lat
est president of the H-ycar-old or
tion dedicated to glorifying and rel

iza-

the days of brave knights and damsels in
distress. At present, Pratt is supervising
the training of medieval businessmen in
the skills of warfare for this summer's
Ninth Pennsic War, an altercation in
Atlanta, Georgia, wherein 600 modern-
day knights will do baule. “It’s a war
between the Middle Kingdom and the
Eastern Kingdom over who gets posses:
sion of Pittsburgh,” says Pratt. “The loser
gets Piusburgh." Some notions are just
plain timeless.

CHECKING IN

Comedian Mark Russell has headlined
al The Shoreham Hotel in Washington,
D.C., for 15 years, dishing out biting
political satire. Last year, Russell's hu-
mor went national on the NBC-TI
show “Real People," and now he also
has his own “Mark Russell Comedy Spe-
cial" on PBS. Chicago free-lance writer
Sharon Spence asked him about the cur-
rent political climate.
PLAYBOY: Were you
realized your hum
angı
RUSSELL: I had no idea how upset people
could get. One night, when I was playing
the Carroll Arms, I sang a Tom Lehrer
song about р
something like “Eat corn pone ti
coming out of my cars” Be it ever
so decadent, there's no place. . . ." I
thought it was harmless. Then I launched
nto a Lenny Bruce routine about Gov-
ernor Earl Long of Louisiana, whose
daughter comes home and tells him she’s
ks to whom and
‚ Daddy."

urprised when you
made some pcople

and

getting married. He a
she says,

“He's from New Yor

“Wha name, honey
nd she says, "Harry Belafonte,
Daddy,” and he says, "An Italian boy,

huhz" Well, the joke got big laughs, but
suddenly this man gets out of his seat
and rushes me and shouts, “You son of a

bitch! I know the Longs and there's
never been any niggers in that family!
PLAYBOY: What themes will humor re-
volve around in the Eighties?

1: It all depends on what the
ns do. If things get gloomy, we'll
need to continue the silliness of Seven-
ties humor, because we'll need the dis-
traction. On the other hand, a subject
like marriage won't be made fun of in
the Eighties. We're all trying to give
ourselves the security of a new pauiotism
because of world events. This could bring
bout stronger f. phasis on
tradition. There's a bothersome gleam
in people's eyes these days.

pLaysoy: If you were compelled to
change places with one of the key fig:
ures in national politics, who would
that be?

Russet: Uh, Jerry Brown. But only for
one night.

ilies, an en

POLLING RANK

By now you have seen the movie “10”

and either you agree that Bo Derek is
a 10 or you have an appointment with
your eye doctor. Unfortunately, the

various scales by which
en arc not lı
other syste
sult from gentleme

n rate wom-
sal on absolutes, as arc
of measurement, which re-
s agreements: We all
get together and say that from now on, a
yard will be a certain multiple of wave
length of the color yellow on a certain
spectrographic readout, which we assume
is à constant. When

ig women. oi

it comes to com-
ra

gs fluctuate

to hormone level
cohol concentration and elapsed
encounter, If we

time since last se:
could agree that Bo were at one end of
the scale of visible light, we would at
least have a beginning. In our March
issue, The Playboy Advisor asked reader
to send in their favorite rating systems,
the better to bring order to this broken
world. "The response was astonishing
Some were very amalytical—áscribing
points to parts of the body, personality
ad willingness to do strange things to
the observer. Some people had obvious
biases, ding an unreasonable num-
ber of points to any woman whose hand
was found in your jeans or who caught
your attention about five minutes before
the rest of her entered the room. Readers
submitted more tl 120 r systems.
We now present some of the more imagi
ative and revealing of them—with the
aveat that the views nest by these
supposed arbiters of feminine pulchri-
tude are not necessarily fer of the
management.

.
“The basic unit of measure is dis-
nce. Outstanding women are measu
in miles, your last blind date in inches
Typical values are one to five miles, with
Bo Derek a s The rating
corresponds 10 the distance you would

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[^T у

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author andrews

polso con
andis ] жани
on вано)
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vedaye and
элни pereos (04-7
er WS
wk wah chin. 4

RALPH ELUSON ш ^ JEAN KERR
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‘author dhe percepire and
award weng sovel uous plays
ишме Mar and back;
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116

PLAYBOY

THE PERVERT'S “WHOS WHO"

Further excerpts from the strange works of Doktor Bey

AYATOLLAH BAN! DE SADE (Persia)—Reli-
gious fanatic; known as "the old mullah-
takir.” Faunder of the S/M Club (Shiite
Moslem), a sect devated to hostage
bondage ond group domination,

INGMAR Pucksße (Sweden)—Invented
hooker, o camplicated sport involving
prostitutes on skates and a live rooster.

ғи ckup (Chad)—Magicion. First person
able to achieve orgasm while confined

ANAIS Nit “{Portugal)—Pubic beautician,
Opened ап international chain of par-
lors called Pomp(adour) & Circumcise.

MAURICE DILDEAUX (France)—Aerial cop-

! man to dine during o

transatlantic flight. No relation to T. S.
Dildo, inventor of the artificial phallus.

TELLY PUDOPrOLIS (Greece)—Poel. Best re-
membered for coining the expression

“giving head.”

DEREK PELL

broken gl
shadow." Crude, perh y
both the professional and the novice to

“Regarding your quest for an accurate
scoring system, I offer the follow

in sexual intercourse.”
.

“As traveling businessmen who are
connoisseurs of the female form, we
have determined that the only true scor
ing system is as follows:

ОА broad you would not fuck or e:

1—A broad you would fuck but not

А broad you would cat and then
k.
3—A broad you would fuck and then
cat.

4—A broad you would cat
your buddy fucked her.

You have to draw the line some-
where." These guys have been on the
road too long.

st alter

“May I suggest the M.D.N. standard,
or, to be exact, the mi um drinks
necessary before you approach the object
of your attention. А 0
woman who would appeal to you stone-
cold sober. A 12 is tlie worst i
that you would have to be
of unconsciousness to enjoy sex with hei
There is a minus side to the scale—a girl
so beautiful you'd buy her five drin
Th i «ditional factor for ti
every woman has one or two drinks sub-
tracted from her score shortly before clos-
ing time. By then, everyone looks good.

Reality is for people who can't handle
liquor.

warded to a

.
ly you take home and

"A 10 is the E
сат

your wife's presence.”
.

“When we were all in the Navy elec
ironics field, two friends and I devised
а system based oi helen, Assum
ing that Hele oy had a face that
launched 1000 ships, one minihelen is a
girl who would launch one ship. One
helen equals 1000 minihelens. There is
а negative measurement for how many

n. A girl can score
50 minihelens just by being identifiably
female at a distance of 20 feet,"
E
“A 10 is an 8 with her own source of

.
n we say? The task of trying
xplain the quirks of these scoring sys-

is beyond us. Even il we arrived at
n accepted standard for judging women,

e would always be the judge from
Yugoslavia whose sexual politics had to
be explained away by an exhausted
is Schenkel. We're sorry we asked.

Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health.
= E RE u ie)

12 mg. "tar", 0.9 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette, FTC Report Dec. ‘79.

he myth of the American West has sur-
faced once again and with it nostal-
gia for the lives of those sturdy pioneer:
the great white immigr
their way across the frontier. Maxine
Hong Kingston, in China Men (Knopf),
ves a different version of the Amer
can pioncer; she relates extraordinary
stories about the Chinese men who
smuggled themselves into the U. S., who
moved mountains for the railroads and
who went mad with guilt and grief for
their families left behind, This is a pow-
erful biography that includes legends
and dreams, conjecture and reality and
that links the past with the Chinese-
American men of the present.
б
You can't do much better than thi:
Richard Lingeman’s lively history, Smell
Town America (Putnam), is the best way
to st reading about our country
in. Lingeman gives us a brilliant
river of narrative, tracing the rise of the
towns of Amei from the first Puritan.
communities through more than two
centuries, to 1980. In case that sounds
uncool ("I mean. hey. man, who reads
history these days"), put away your
preconceptions and try it. Our supposed-
ly modern dilemmas will scem less com-
plex as you float along, watching our
country's growth. You'll nore that Colo-
nial legislatures promoted land specula-
tion that was accompanied by graft and
corruption: that rigid social standards
have been in place in the culture since
its inception, despite superficial alle-
giance to freedom and choice; that gold
fever has always been with us: tl
esty has been сеп as an awkwa
outmoded virtue for much of our
and that the tension that exists between
the small town and the big city has been
both creative and destructive for most
of our forebears. Lingeman not only
reminds us that nothing is new under
the sun, he docs it with a superb sense
of scholarship and an abiding love of
small-town America.
.
ng fiction it isn’t, but
Phillips successfully avoids clichés

nts who farmed

р
Stevei
and delivers a good case study of police

ewi

brutality and its legal altermath in Resist-
ing Arrest (Doubleday). As in the real
world, the heroes and villains of tl
piece depend largely on your perspec-
tive: justice is served, barely, through
generally unsatisfying compromise.
.

terrorists, revolution-
nd spies of every stripe,
al, do their level best to
blow one another away in Jack (The
Eagle Has Landed) Higgins’ latest thrill-
cr, Sofe (Stein & Day). No fancy writing
here, just straightforward narrative that

International

Chinese patriarchs limned.

History can be readable:
Cf. China Men and
Small Town America,

Elegy to the small town.

moves quickly and sucks you in with
understated violence, understated sex
and enough plot twists to keep you
guessing. until the showdown. It's
escapist fare, ultimately forgettable but
just the right read for a tanning session
at the beach.

For those who've read his previous
novels (Silling Pretty, Who Is Ange-
lina?, Snakes), Al Young's latest, Ask Me
Now (McGraw-Hill), will be the most
joyable. For those who haven't read
anything by this novelist/poet, this book
is a good place to start. It's the story
of an ex-professional basketball player
named Woody Knight who finds the
real world—the world he has managed
to avoid while playing in the N.B
closing in on him. His wife docsn't
seem to understand him, his financial
woes are accumulating, his car is stolen

and, finally, his teenaged daughter be-
comes involved with a heavy drug deal.
This latter circumstance rouses Woody
from his postretirement lethargy and, as
he tries desperately to reach his daugh-
ter for the first time in his life, he fi
that he's finally growing up.
е

life for Death (Doubleday), by Michael
Mewshaw, is not a fun book. In i
learn how and why, in 1961, Way
Dresbach killed his adoptive parents.
Wayne's father was а philanderer, a
masochist, a pornographer and a tyrant
who, when his wile was out of town,
would bring home women (he knew
many, through his practice as a divorce
lawyer) and sleep with sever
His wife, battered too m
object. finally, joylessly.

joined in.
Wayne's younger brother Lee was in

some favor with this crazy couple. so he
wasn't going to rock the boat: Wayne
was left to nail them, Mewshaw has a
special interest in of this, He was
the first person Lee called alter the
shootings. and it was Mewshaw's mother
and stepfather who acted as unofficial
guardians to Wayne during and alter
the trial. Wayne is now out of prison,
trying to live a normal life. He says,
No. there's never going to be a next
time for me. I did what I dd...
and . .. I pay every day.”
P

As more writers turn to the genre, the
offbeat cop novel is fast becoming a
formula of its own with only a few still
offering much style, originality or liter-
ry merit. To those that do, add Off Duty
(Norton) by Andrew Coburn. A re
cently resigned detective and his former
boss collaborate on a getrich-quick
cocaine caper that, along with their
personal lives, goes badly awry. Relresh-
ingly low-key but highly suspenseful.

Jeff Greenfield’s Playing to Win, an Ine
sider's Guide to Politics (Simon & Schuster)
is more than a political primer. It is a
catalog of funny and original sugges-
tions for folks like us who thought
wed grown permanently disinterested
in the political process.
carned early access to back rooms (he
worked as Bobby Kennedy’s legislative
aide and as John Lindsay's chiel speech-
writer), he's secure enough in his sub-
ject 10 joke about it. And he wicks us,
as he makes us laugh, into taking polit
s seriously once

ncc Greenfield

Consumers. Digest’s G
Buying (Dow Jones—Irwin) is one of the
best survival books we've seen. It in-
cludes savings advice on more than
25,000 name-brand items. Such a dealt

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the same advantage you give your martini.

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Dept. А-8, Marlboro, MA 01752.

MUSIC

ET ELVIS: There are more good
songs and more pure energy in
Elvis Costello and the Attractions’ Get
Heppy! (Columbia) than most groups
come up with in an entire career.
"Through 20 cuts on this release, Costello
treats us to machine-gun-like bursts of
musical power while disdaining any sort
of filler whatever. Rockers such as Love
for Tender, The Imposter and I Stand
Accused crank up enough electricity to
the stereo running long after it's
shut down. As a friend of ours
Springsteen may be the Boss, but
s still King."

THE
is the center of the new British inva-
sion these days. The group is electric in
concert, and the third Clash album,

CLASH CASHES IN: The Clash

“London Calling,” has finally made it
big on the charts—where it counts with
record executives. Since the boys sing
about guns, the Third World and be-
trayal instead of girls and cars, com-
mercial success wasn’t easy lo achieve.
How has all this heavy attention affected
The Clash? To find out, we sent critic
Stan Mieses to talk with Clash’s lead
singer, Joe Strummer, Mieses’ report:

I met Joe at his hotel at three one
afternoon before a recording session. He
had just awakened and gotten himself
together quickly. His hair was plastered
on the sides with fragrant brilliantine
and his hands, stubbed and mangled
from guitar playing, were still wet and
sticky. He wore an oversized red T-shirt
with rolled-up sleeves, black dungarees
and black jack boots. He sat on the
couch and rolled а “splilf’—tobacco and
pot mixed in a tipped joint—the size of
a butcher's middle finger. Awake less

than a half hour, he already seemed
restless. He toyed with a broken Polar-
oid Sonar camera on a table by the
couch. Hc got up to {cel the radiator.

"Dealing with business here has made
me realize that there's a great difference
between young and old,” he said. "I've
changed my perspective. Life isn't the
open book it was for a young rocker of
18, when you have that cternally op-
timistic feeling.

"But I'm not surprised we have a hit
record and that we're recognized and all
that. We worked at it 24 hours a day for
four years. This was all there was. So of
course you're gonna take off like a

rocket. Some people lie around and
don't lift a finger, and I always felt you
gotta tr

He got up to [cel the radiator again.
Hc crossed the room to the closet, where
he found something with a control dial.
"Sce if it's getting hotter," he said to
me. The radiator remained ice-cold. He
clicked the dials, cursed and kicked the
box in the closet. It turned out to be an
air conditioner that the hotel stored
there during cooler months. Joe laughed.
He has awful teeth, little roten stumps
that befit his gravelly speaking voice and
belie his romantic profile.

“There was a time when I had no
idea what I was going to do,” Joe said.
“I was going to boarding school when I
heard my first rock-n-roll band, and
that was great, and I promised myself
that by the time I was 16 I'd learn the
guitar. But I didn't. T couldn't. I thought
it was too complicated. So I went on to
art school, where I spent my time lying
on my back, wondering who was going
to buy me another drink.

He dragged on his spliff and went to
the window and Jooked out onto an
alleyway and the rear of two apartment
buildings, separated by a glimpse of the
sky, which was gray. "Wish I could
take a picture of this,” he said, glumly.
He paced around the room. He circled
the table by the couch and flailed at the
camera with a scarf from his back
pocket that he had rolled into a rattail.

“So I wound up bottling, you know,
collecting money for this guy who played

in the subway tunnel. The word comes
from the Dickens era, when the bloke
collecting the money held one hand out
with a basket; in the other hand was a
bottle with a fly in it. He had to keep
his finger in the bottle so's the fly
wouldn't get out. That kept the other
hand busy, so the entertainer knew he
wasn't getting ripped off. Anyway, this
in "72. Soon, I started busking with
, sharing, and then he left me. One
jay, I passed this Irish pub where they
had a trio singing, a cappella, and Т

said, fuck it, I can get some mates
together and. do this shit and. probably
get a few quid for it. For a while, it was
pretty ridiculous, getting pushed around
by the cops in the subway and all that.
But that turned into London's best art
and R&B group. We were called the
10lers then, named after the squats—
condemned houses—we were living in
at the time. We rehearsed in а basement
there. We took in anyone who wasn't a
junkie or an alcoholic, and if they
a piece of equipment"—his eyes grew
wide—"a 30watt amp or bongos or
anything, they were most welcome. We
scraped together like that for 18 months
as Ше JOlers, We made nothing. One
record, which reached number cight.
We played 12 gigs in 14 days once,
without a single mention anywhere. I
asked myself, have I really done this?
"Then, in the month of February of 1976,
bam bam bam. I fired thc guitar player.
The Sex Pistols came out. I quit the
10lers. Then the three guys who were in
a group called The Clash offered me the
job, and we're off.

“We made an important decision right
then and there: Everything had to go.
We had to find something new. It was
a total commitment to this. Singing in
American had to go. All your friends,
anything you knew had to go. Every old

attitude, every established thought—not
musical ideas, not just the twitter-
ing bollockry we saw onstage, with
the electronics and guitar solos and that.

erything. How we lived and thought
and ate and played. I know it sounds
mad now. I remember seeing old mates
I'd known from before showing up at
our gigs in their hats and ponchos,
just back from bumming around South
America. That was a luxury I could
never afford, "The Clash w:

m and
into the bedr where he
phone call while kicking a pile
of dirty laundry into a corner. When
he returned, he took another drag of
the spliff and his thoughts turned
toward the concert tour The Clash had
just finished.

“It’s hard to be in America if you
never touch the ground,” he said, “But
we had some great people with us this
time, because we chose the whole show.
Thinking about the show, putting to-
gether acts that we'd like to see, i
thing we picked up from Ы:
shows. Black music was the inspiration
for us to do it in the first place. We had
a Jamaican dub singer, Mikey Dread.
and we had Lee Dor with us on the
last tour, and Bo Diddley before that.
Being on the road with these greats
means you can spend time with them.
Lee Dorsey sings all night, you know.
We'd have these ies, a little Scotch
and beer, and he'd sing every soul hit
ever written. Boy, if you say this is a
job, and you ask what the perks are,
well, having that. kind of fu the best
part of the whole thing.

Joe got up from the sitting ro
dashed

"Fun is what wc nt to achieve. And
ac reness of things, too; we're
not writing moon-June-spoon words, but
it makes very little sense to be polit

these days. You're just another per
shouting. Im not interested їп any
party line or propaganda. Bob Dyl:
main message was, ‘Be suspicious,’ and I
sure am. I'm for shutting up and getting
on with our own corner of the world.”

He stood and walked to the window
and peered out to the gray slice of light.
^E think things will be all right. They
say when the times get tough, the rock
gets better, you know.”

Asked if he could maintain that at-
titade while his personal fortunes as-
cended, Joe lit up his spliff again and
tossed the burned-out match in our
direction. "That's our lookout, isn't i
he snarled.

REVIEWS

nk Sinatra has retired, and then
thought better of it, as often as Mu
mad Ali—and for the same reason: E;
at he's still
can resis
coming back just one more time to
show the Саза how it's done.
s the

FAST TRACKS

LIZZIE BORDEN AWARD OF THE MONTH: How's this for bizarre, folks? Stiff Records"
promotional stunt for Wreckless Eric's new album was a 16-city contest in
which the finalists were given an ax and a piano. The first person to demolish
the piano and stuff its remains through an automobile-tire hole won free tickets

to the Indy 500. An inflation cure, maybe. And you want to be a rock-

‘n’-roll star?

EELING AND ROCKING: Opening soon
R at a theater near you: Ralph
Bakshi's animated film American Pop,
which chronicles the history of Amer-
ica through its music. Everything
Irom minstrel singers to Gershwin to
punk will be included.

RANDOM RUMORS: We h that Ted
Nugent has lost about 20 percent of
his hearing from the volume of his

ausic in concert; Nugent claims that
а recent gig in Kansas City was so
loud that farmers living 18 miles
from the hall complained about the
sound. . . . Will Linda Ronstadt be
investigated by the Federal Election.
Commissio: The National G.O.P.
Senatorial Committee has filed

lated camp:
last spring when, at the last m
she decided to make the concert a
political fund raiser for Colorado
Senator багу Hart. The З.Р. con-
tends that Ronstadt sold the first
batch of tickets under false pre-
tenses. . . . Punk rocker and some-
time record producer Rat Scabies is
ing out a new album by the
British group Billy Karloff and the Sv-
premes. Scabies reportedly became very

‘upset with drummer Gus Boyd, who

was spending too much time (and
moncy) tying to get the right drum
sound. Other band members asked
Scabies to move Boyd along, which
he did—by punching him in the
mouth. The session got under way
immediately and was finished in rec-
ord time. Who says rock 'n’ roll isn't
as good as a swift punch the head?

NEWSBREAKS: Moving up on the
charts is—would you believe?
ey Mouse Disco trom Disneyland rec

The Killer, Jerry Lee Lewis,
ng his own club in Nashville
on touristy Alley. Former

Printer's

unsuccessful owners of the same
building were George Jones and Kenny

Rogers, but the Killer isn't. worried.
The club will feature live music. . . .
Chicago d.j. and comedian Steve Dahl
has signed with NBC to do late-night
IV this fall. . . . Dylon has won a
Dove award for excellence in the field
of Gospel music. . . . Carly Simon, tour-
ing this summer, has just signed a
multimillion-dollar contract — with
Warner Bros. and has said she's
uacted to certain elements of New
Wave. But don't expect a punk
show. .. . A New York City dj.
Carol Miller, got so many requests from
New Jersey listeners for Bruce Spring-
steen’s Born lo Run that she began to
refer to it as the New Jersey state
song. And if Jersey Assemblyman
Richard Visoteky has his way, by the
time you read this, it may actually
have been adopted as such. ... The
Bee Gees been charged with
copyright infringement. A New York
songwriter alleges that the hit How
Deep Is Your Love is (in his words)
copied largely from his song Let
End. Ronald Selle has asked a New
k court to award him damages
and a share of the Gibb brothers
es... . Delilah Communica-
tions Corporation. a publishing firm
that produces biographies of rock
stars—the most recent, on the Bee
Gees and Springsteen, were big hits—
plans to market the bios in record
. Due shortly arc Kiss, Blondie,
The Who, Red Stewart and others. Then
you'll be able to boogie to the music
and the words. — BARBARA Ni

PLAYBOY

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form of Trilogy: Past, Present and Future
(Warner Bros.), a three-LP set devoting
one record each to the Sinatra treat-
ment of old standards, current pop
tunes and an extended musical query
to what the future holds for Frank
Sinatra. Of the three, the first record,
Past, is by far the best. The tunes, clas-
sics by the Gershwins, Irving Berlin.
Cole Porter and Johnny Mercer / Harold
Arlen, are given a swinging. big-band
treatment, and Sinatra's renditions of
them are pure perfection. His voice has
a lower center of gravity now, but his
tack, phrasing and offhand, conver-
tional approach are still impeccable
Present, the pop record, succeeds in
unlikely places: Billy Joel's Just the
Way You Are, Neil Diamond’:
Sung Blue and George Harri
thing. The failures are the schmaltzy,
movicmusic tunes that he has alwa
shown a weakness for. Of the Future
disc, as of the future itself, we can only
speculate. Suffice it to say that its theme
is Saloon Singer in Outer Space and
leave it at that. But even there, as usual,
Sinatra mops up any potential inter-
galactic competition.
.

Tonto is dead and the Lone Ranger
has been unmasked, but Bob Seger &
The Silver Bullet Band keep rockin’ on.
Against the Wind (Capitol) is a good exam-
ple of how to find a good thing, not

mess with it, and yet rem: nteresting.
There aren't any mu departures
here for Seger, at times you find

yourself saying. “Oh, Night
Moves"; but with the distinctively gutty
vocals and the excellent musical com
pany Seger keeps, he will never hecome
boring. And, besides, who else is left to
believe in?

yeah.

Has it been more th: ade since
the throes of Woodstock? Since Hen
drix singed his fingers on The Star-
Spangled Banner and Havens shricked
Here Comes the Sun? Although Jimi's
h

e is no longer with us, Richie's is,
nd on his latest album, Connections
(Elektr: undisputed adept of thi
raspy voice has created a harmonic
of such vocal transparencies
Mason's Mamma We're Gonna
Dance and Tom Waitss Ol '35. Add the
splashy keyboards of David Lebolt and
the tandem guitars of Jeffrey Baxter and
Elliot Randell and you've got your own
connections with good music.
б

Roberta Flack Featuring Donny Hathaway
(Atlantic) is perhaps the best answer yet
to the question faced by all serious soul
singers im the past few years—how to
satisly the demands of a disco-oriented
audience and still be true to one’s artis
tic soul. Flack, who has shown a reluc
tance or bility to deal with
up-tempo material in the past, steps out

lightly and confidently on a variety of

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Joel Meyerowitz, Photographer

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Hes learned that each and every moment is unique, and irretrievable. It only
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PLAYBOY

dance tunes. True to her style, she does
not garnish them with unnecessary notes
or false sentiments; the big arrange-
ments are cliché-free, and the appear-
ance of Hathaway, singing from beyond
the grave, adds an eerie but happy
dimension to an album that would have
been great regardless

South African pianist composer Ab-
dullah Ibrahim. a.k.a. Dollar Brand. is
a onetime Ellington protégé whose
fiercely independent. deceptively simple
and fervently lyrical music has bee
obscure for too long. Between them.
African Morketploce (Elektra) amd Africo—
Tears ond Loughter (Inner City) thorough-
ly document Brand, Ibrahim's
inodi operandi. ranging from
tically geometric solos on the acoustic
Piano to hypnotically rhythmic but poet-
ically spacious rhythm tunes that employ
electric piano and daringly voiced
horns. The Elektra LP. a bit more out-
going. hits a high point with the joy
fully dignified Anthem for the New
Nation; the Inner City LP. more intro-

spective, includes the 13-minute Zsh-
marl. an Islamic chant set to mu
SHORT CUTS

Ab Grey / Grey's Mood (Classic Jazz):
Eloquent growls and rumbles from the
king of plunger trombone.

Manhattans / After Midnight (Columbia):
Slow, soulful ballads that prove night-
time is still the right time.

Helen Humes / Let the Good Times Roll
(Classic Jazz): With Jay McShann and
Milt Buckner swapping keys in the
rhythm section, how could she miss?

Kenny Doss / Movin’ on o Feelin’ (Bears-
ville): Willie Mitchell's Memphis soul
sound rolls on, but Doss needs to shake
the influence of predecessor Al Green.

Rodney Franklin / You'll Never Know (Co-
lumbia): You can call this fusion: some
of pretty spacy. But, mostly, it's
good old funk/jazz sharply imagined
nd played by an excellent young key-
boardist.

Ernestine Anderson / Sunshine (Concord.
Jazz): The swinging vocalist and a top-
notch trio (Monty Alexandeı Ray
Brown, Jeff Hamilton) add new lumina
to You Are My Sunshine, I'm Walkin’,
Satin Doll and other lucky

seven
numbeı

Herbie
Monstrous is more
evidence of how Ha

Hancock / Monster (Columbia):
like it. Fun
cock's electronic

her

affinities have carried him to the far
shores of funky elevator music.
Stiff Little Fingers / Nobody's Heroes (Chrys-

month. С long neck and hit
neone over the head with it
Bob Florence Big Band / Live at Concerts by
the Sea (Trend): Unpretentious jazz that
swings brightly but leaves spaces in all
the right places.

DINING & DRINKING

Tic, frst thing
you notice as
you approach and
enter The Abbey at
163 Ponce de Leon
Avenue, in AU
ta, Georgia, is that
the bell tower,
stained-glass win-
dows. three-story
vaulted ceiling
and choir loft
were not desi;

by so
ger to create
junky — ecclesiasti-

cal atmosphere
but by an archi-
tect answering to
a higher calling
Built in 1915 as a
Methodist. Episco-

pal church, the
structures trans-
imo a
nt has

been handled with

cred cards are
accepted. Phone
404-8765 for
reservations.

A different, al
though equally
pleasurable sertin;
for dinner in At-
lanta can be found
directly across the
street from. The
Abbey at The Man-
sion, 179 Ponce de
Leon. Built in
1885 as the home
of railroad mag
nate Richard Pe-
ters, this enormous
red-shingled struc-
ture is situated on
an entire block of
wooded property
about half a mile
northeast of down-
town Atlanta. The
five downstairs
dining rooms, in-

a maximum of
taste and restraint.
Of to the left of

Headed for Atlanta?

cluding a library,
parlor and solari-
um. are small and

the entrance is a ae intimate, giving
spacious bar that Three distinctive the impression
used to be the restaurants to that you're dining
churel’s Sunday tempt your palate. in a private home
school—a trans- that Rheu Bu-
formation that ler and У
probably has the O'Ha

place's founding Methodists twirling in
their tombs, Tape-recorded jazz now
bounces off its timbered walls. stained-
glass ceiling panels and slender potted

palms.
The dinin oom offers a choice of
seating—on the spacious main floor or

up in the rear balcony: while waiting.
you cam watch waiters clad in monks’
tobes serving entrees kept warm on roll-
ing two-burner carts.

If a single complaint can be raised
about the food at The Abbey, it is that
individually and collectively it can be
overwhelming. With more than 100
choices on the menu, you can lose half an
evening just deciding what to order. No
matter what you choose as an entree, the
accompanying gumishes nearly steal the
show. On a recent visit, our saddle of
lamb was encircled by small portions of
rice with sautéed mushrooms, cauliflower
cooked in butter, a cheese-topped broiled
tomato half, а spoonful of baked spinach
ny artichoke bottom glazed with
gon cream sauce, all perfectly
cooked. Sometimes, less can be more.

The Abbey serves dinner seven days
a week, from 6 ьм. to I1 p-m, Jackets
are required for men and all major

fortable bar and. perhaps the best of the
ng rooms, a glass-enclosed veranda.
The menu at The Mansion is basically
a scaled-down version of the one over at
The Abbey (the same people own both
establishments). Even so, there is much to
enjoy, induding delicious rournedos of
beef and a fillet of red snapper topped
with a seafood cream sauce. The Man
sion is open for dinner only. from 6 P.M.
to 10 ram, Monday through Thursday,
y until 11 рәм. and Saturday until
midnight. Reservati
876-0727)

As matters now stand, Dente's Down the
Hatch, 81 Old Pryor Street, is probably
the only good rease Under-
ground Atlanta, an are
in more ways than one.

to visit
that's depressed
Despite the

gimcrack neighborhood, ow Dante
Stephensen runs a lively night club]
restaurant built around a replica of an

18th Century sailing frigate; the place is
generally packed to the rigging with jazz
fans getting off on the excellent Paul
Mitchell Trio. Dante’s opens at 11:30
AM. seven days а week, closes at 1 A.M.
Reservations: 404-577-1800.

rh
1740. It's 90 Proof,
and ever-so-compatible,
so itcan turn any common
occurrence into an occasion.

Its crisp, dry taste turns any gin drink into,

sheer delight. Get to know Booth's 90 Proof.
And get to know the spirit of quality. 2

Er
5
3
$

Ue `

гейге by FIC method

)

Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health.

When your taste grows up, -

Winston out-tastes them all.

Only Winstons Sin Rich" Blend — L
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» Regularand 100s" --

MOVIES

al brothers portray brothers in The
Long Riders, and the casting turns out
to be nigh perfect, with the Keach boys
(James and Stacy) as Jesse and Frank
James, the Carradines (David, Keith
and Robert) as the Younger brothers,
the Quaids (Randy and Dennis) as the
Millers. Add Nicholas and Christopher
Guest as Bob and Charlie Ford, the
hired guns who ultimately shoot Jesse in
the back, and you have a gimmick that
never seems to be a gimmick. In fact, the
acting is superior throughout, and Long
Riders emerges as both a classy and a
classic Western about the legendary
James-Younger gang, by far the best
movie yet Irom director Waher Hill
(who made The Warriors and Charles
Bronson’s Hard Times). Hill has a
special knack for creating mythic heroes,
and on this occasion, he's got it all
together—the family life of these wild
Missouri boys, their womenfolk, their
camaraderie and their hell-bent ex-
ploits cinematically choreographed so
that bank jobs, stagecoach holdups and
train robberies become breath-taking
macho ballets, like sporting events. That
approach is not inconsistent with the
adulation of such outlaws in their time,
when greedy bankers and railroad land-
grabbers were the real bad guys.

The women behind the men—from
Pamela Reed as Belle Starr, the whore
who complicates life for David Carra-
dine's crusty Cole Younger, to Savannah
Smith, Shelby Leverington and Amy
Suyker—are as convincing a bunch of
country gals as I have seen in any West-
ern in years. The film’s well-paced action
comes to a climax with the bloody North-
field, Minnesota, debacle, was
Waterloo for this particular outlaw
band. Stacy and Jim Keach, Long Rid-
ers executive producers and co-authors
of the original screenplay, created meaty
roles for themselves (perhaps Jim as
Jese has somewhat the best of it),
though no one is scanted in an exciting,
intelligent oat opera that treats heavy
violenc art form, following the
trail blazed flamboyantly by The Wild
Bunch and Bonnie and Clyde. ¥¥¥

Although she is much too young and
green for the part she plays їп Соту,
Jodie Foster registers strongly as a
boyish juvenile star on her way to be-
coming a definitive dynamite chick.
Former music man Robbie Robertson,
one of the rock world's demilegends as
leader of The Band, likewise demon-
strates that his kind of laid-back sex ap-
peal works on the screen even without
a gui
private poll of female acquaintances,
all breathing heavily. When Jodie and

which

judgment borne out by my

Riders' brothers Carradine.

Siblings superlative in
The Long Riders; Carny's
plot bites the sawdust.

Busey caged in Carny.

Robbie give him room, Gary Busey
capably does his down-home thing as a
carnival drifter who puts on a clown
face, climbs into a cage and taunts the
suckers to pelt him with hardballs (if
they hit the target, he gets a dunking).
High marks for the actors. Yet I didn't
believe for a minute that Jodie was the
sort of tough, sexually wised-up nymphet
who could repot her small-town roots
in the carnival world and inspire this
tangled tale of Jove, lust and violence
along the midway. Under director Rob-
at Kaylor, the filin is atmospheric and

with provocative midway music credited
to Robertson) but pretty meande

general. There are hints that Robertson
and Busey prefer their buddybuddy
bonding to any diversion а mere girl
can give them, though the movie swiftly
drops that line of inquiry to follow
several others. Which lead nowhere. As
producer of Carny, the protean Robert-
son has provided himself with a flimsy
vehicle but a flashy showcase. ¥¥
°

The gritty, god-awful, pressure-cooker
energy of New York, New York, warms
up every frame of Fame, an incredibly
etic and original movie set in Man-
hattan's High School of the Performing
Arts. Like John Schlesinger, another
Englishman who limned an unllatter-
ingly candid portrait of New York in
Midnight Cowboy, director Alan (Mid-
night Express) Parker brought over a
British crew to paint Gotham all its
wondrous squalor—as a melting pot
brimful of talent, aspiration. hope, fear,
hunger for fame and egos rampant on
a field of self-doubt.

Christopher Gore's script for Fame
often lurches in the direction of pure
showbiz schmalız, following eight stu-
dents from their initial auditions at Per-
forming Arts through their senior years.
It's a format lifted almost l ntly from
Broadway's A Chorus Line, perlormed
in the ebullient, street-smart film style
of Milos Forman's Hair. Of course, cach
of the cight kids taking turns at center
stage has a story: the shy Jewish girl
named (Maureen Teefy) who
changes her name to Dominique to get
from Ethnic; the homosexual son
ul McGrane) of a female star; the
ghetto hood (Gene Ray) whose salvation
lies in dance; the Hispanic hustler (Bar-
ry Miller) who's hooked on the legend
of the late Freddie Prinze. They're all
fine, as is Ann Meara in a straight role
as the English teacher who fights to
make sure that the stars of tomorrow
will know how to read. Halfway
through, Fame looks more like docu-
mentary than film fiction, but my doubts
about its drifting, derivative roots were

nally bowled over by the barrage of
talent leaping off the screen with no
time out for intermission. Michael Gore's
music and Louis Falco's choreography
cause spontancous combustion now and
shtening Parker's up-tempo ode
to young performers as "an underpriv-
ileged minority" whose mentors teach
them what it takes to survive: strong
technique, 2 good agent and a thick
skin. Socko, as well as authentic—you
can practically smell Times Square. yv

Heppy Birthday, Gemini is the film ver.
sion of Albert Innaurato's long—and
stillrunning—Broadway hit comedy

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PLAYBOY

bout some very noisy people in the
slums of Philadelphia. They are all
celebrating the birthday of a local Ital-
ian boy (Alan Rosenberg) who has just
come home from Harvard and believes
he may be gay. Gemini onstage was so
fast and funny and unabashedly vulgar
that I laughed a lot more than |
thought T should. Seeing it onscreen, I
ughed a lot less than I wanted to.
Richard Benner’s adap-
ad cinematically inept

is slow.
(though he did a pretty good job on the

tation

‹ li:

made Outrageous!). No actor
ly good. of course, when a
is either dragging

or nonexistent.
hard at her role
even harder u
kind of trashy. voluptuous cow usually
played by Shelley Winters with no ef-
fort whatsoever. "I was lying there
minding my own business,” says Kahn
n a courtroom sequence, ordered to
tell the judge just how she happened to
break a woman's arm after being caught
n the woman's bed with the woman's
husband. That’s a hoot. But Gemini, in
general, looks like a Broadway comic

strip reduced to tenderized, realistic
raunch. More tasteless than out
agcous. Y

In a cynical. slapdash topical comedy
titled How to Beat the High Cost of Living,
writer Robert Kaufman (last year he
wrote Love at First Bite) offers an an-
swer to inflation: How do you beat it?
Steal. That shaky premise won't win
any awards from Morality in Medi:
groups. and director Robert Schecrer is
seldom deft at covering up the scrcen-
plays dead spots, yet High Cost of
Living ollers attractive compensation
with a trio of actresses who often make
ceny look like good greedy fun. Their
target is a hoard of cash on display in
wgene, Oregon, shopping mall. Su-
nt James, attractively acerbic,
plays a divorcee who needs suff-
t wherewithal t ry. Gorge
Jessica Lange plays the wife of an ov
sexed rd Benjam
who wants her to give up her unprofit-
able antique shop and spend more time
in bed. Just looking at Jessica is pl
enough, though she gives a spirited pe
formance, obviously letting herself go
d loving it. Then, as ringleader, there's
Jane Curtin, the martini-dry newscaster
of Saturday Night Live's Weekend Up-
date. In this auspicious feature-film debut
as a wile whose husband left tow
with his secretary and all their joint as
sets, Jane delivers High Cost of Living's
tangiest punch lines. She's the kind of
abandoned spouse who generously allows
that her architect. husband may have
had some legitimate gripes—since she
fell asleep while he wi
her and admits she

теш;

veterinarian (R

asure

Kahn and the Gemini gang.

Gemini shoulda stood
onstage; Buffalo
shoulda stood in bed.

Boyle, Murray in the Buffalo chips.

Frank Lloyd Wrong." From here on,
Curtin can have a movie career for the
asking, if you're asking me. ¥¥

Bill Murray, also of Saturday Night
Live, has no such luck starring in Where
the Buffalo Roam, a wretched movie based
on (and advertised as) "The Twisted
Legend of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson.”
How a movie about the Gonzo Journal-
ist ever got made was told by Craig Vetter
n rravüovs June issue. How it finally
turned out must be weighed st the

fact that Universal Pictures. chickened
out and canceled critics’ screenings of
Buffalo, at least in New York. Probably
a sixth sense tells them when a bison
becomes a turkey. Given an unfocused
script and consistent misdirection, Mur

ray as Thompson manages to be funny
for fleeting seconds, though nearly every-

thing is wrong here from the word go.
The slapstick nonsense of mauling midg
cts or spraying fire-extinguisher foam
over Nixon and the press corps aboard a
Presidential campaign jet entirely misses
kes Thompson run. As
himself might say, "Still not

ation devoted
to Evil and Tyranny threatens to dis-
solve every known fabric. leaving the
whole world stark-naked. The Nude
Bomb. Would you believe that Bomb
brings back Don Adams as Secret Agent
86, Maxwell Smart, in a feature-length
film reprise of TV's Get Smart series?
Times may have changed. but Adams
looks pretty much the same as a sort of
booby-trapped James Bond, taking prat-
falls and firing off gags with his usual
aplomb. The humor is a shade r
chier on the big screen
ware looks much more
shoe phone and staple phone are famil-
iar enough, but how about a turbo-
charged deskmobile with a си
speed of 80 mph? Andrea Howard and
Pamela Hensley are Smart's chief ac
complices against the forces of evil,
though Sylvia Kristel and Rhonda Flem-
n smaller roles.
engagingly di
c Donner. ¥¥

rected by England's Cl
.

In the title role
Moore plays an arrogant Scottish ad-
venturer named Rufus alibur ffolkes,
whose smugness and snobbism make
James Bond look absolutely self-effacing.
The flamboyantly lower-case ffolkes de-
tests women, loves cats and does petit-
point needlework to relax when he isn’t
leading his crew of trouble-shooting
frogmen into deeds of derring-do. He
is together winning character in an
altogether winning and suspenseful—
not lo tion topical—adventure
drama about an attempt by terrorist
hijackers to 25.000.000 poids
sterling from the British government.
The heavies, led by Anthony Perkins
and Michael Parks, seize a supply ship
named Esther, then plant explosive
charges on two mammoth water-borne
stations in the North Sea—the drilling
g Ruth and a sister production plat
form known as Jenniler. Ransomed oil
supplies and imminent disaster in the
North Sea make for supertimeliness, and
director Andrew V. McLaglen fully ex-

of ffolkes, Roger

extort

ploits all the opportunities in a witty
exciting script by Jack Davies (adapted
from his own novel, Esther, Ruth &
Jennifer). Its Moores show, and a

dandy one, though James Mason and a
top-notch company of English macho
men guarantee a class operation all the
w Go with it. YYY

REVIEWS BY BRUCE WILLIAMSON

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PLAYBOY

“I never knew
gold rum
tasted
like this?

If you're still drinking
E] blended whiskey
on the rocks

That's the reaction that's made
Puerto Rican Gold Rum one of the
fastest growing liquors in America
today. It's the smooth alternative to
bourbons, blends, Canadians—
even Scotch

Try our Gold Rum with soda,
ginger ale, or on the rocks. The
first sip will amaze you. The second
will convert you.

For free “Light Rums ol Puerto Rico’ recipes. write: Puerto Rican Rums,

It's because you haven't
tasted gold rum
on the rocks.

Make sure the rum is Puerto
Rican. The people of Puerto Rico
have been making rum for almost
five centuries. Their specialized
skills and dedication result in a rum
of exceptional taste and purity.

No wonder over 85% of the rum
sold in this country comes
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PUERTO RICAN RUMS

Aged for smoothness and taste.

MOVIE SCORE CARD

capsule close-ups of current films
by bruce williamson

All That Jazz Roy Scheider digging
booze, and Broadway in a vi
brant musical bio closely patterned
on the life of Bob
Fosse. YYYY

Can't Stop the Music A thoroughly
old-fashioned songspiel to launch the
Eighties—with Olympic champion
Bruce Jenner, Valerie Perrine and
the Village People as the gung-ho
kids pute w. УУУ

Corny (Reviewed this month) Me
nage à trais, with sawdust. VY

babes

director

g on a sh

Cloud Dancer Exciting
but earth-bound romantic
for David Carradine,
O'Neill. ¥¥

Cool Miner's Daughter
brilliantly cast as Loretta Lynn. to
tell the world how good little girls
t to Grand Ole Оргу. YYYY
Cruising To catch a killer, AI Pacino
makes the gay scene. Grim. ¥

Fome (Reviewed this month) School
for stars in Gotham. ¥¥¥

folkes (Reviewed this month) Plen-
ty Moore. ¥¥¥

Foxes Los Angeles teen:
old before your cyes, with Jodie
Foster. Cherie Currie & Co. ¥¥

Gilde live Everything you ever
wanted to know about. Radner, and
then some—like Saturday Night Live
sans TV censors. ¥¥

Hoppy Birthday,

aerial stunts
drama
Jennifer

Sissy Spacek

Ts grow

Gemini (Reviewed
this month) Brassy laughs. ¥

How to Beat the High Cost of Living
(Reviewed this month) Suburban
wives on a caper. YY

la Cage oux Folles A matched pair
of drag queens gi

gay lib. Hil:

ing their all for

ious. УУУУ

The Long Riders (Reviewed this
month) Brothers in arms. YYY

Nijinsky Backstage at the ballet,
where boys will be boys—and Alan

Bates is the best of them. ¥¥¥

The Nude Bomb (Reviewed this
month) Maxwell Smart strikes
again. ¥¥

Serial California spoofed—the gos
pel according to Martin Mull
day Weld, Sally Kellerman and that
book about Marin County. ¥¥¥

The Tin Drum An Ом
sion of Günter
the Nazi era,
where else? ¥¥

Touched by Love A treacly tcarjerker
about letters from Elvis. УУ

Where the Buffalo Roam (Reviewed
this month) Gonzo unglued. ¥
УУУУ Don't mis YY Worth a look

¥¥¥ Good show Y Forget it

Tues-

r-winning ver

Grasss novel about

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So change to the smart oil.
CAM2 Mileage.

It's one of the р
CAM? group. Ё

The desire to get away is Size is only half the story portable radio with TV sound,
something we all experience Take along an Emmy Award- you can tune in to the weather as
from time to time. winning Sony Trinitron, and dis- well as your favorite TV shows.

But while we occasionally cover that even on a 5" screen Andif you would like to tune in to
needa breather from the ten- (measured diagonally) Sony de- the world, pack Sony's 7-band

sions of civilization, we've also livers an excellent color picture. shortwave radio. Its about as cum-

grown accustomed to the little Or run away with a combi- — bersome as a paperback book.

niceties. nation AM/FMstereo radio and But if you want to t. along
Sony's sophisticated array of _ cassette-corder that also com- the ultimate, grab the FX-412. A

portables offer the ideal solution bines Sony's rich sound and 4" black-and-white TV (measured

to this dilemma. For they allow us classic design. diagonally), an AM/FM radio

to escape from the world, yet take Tune in to the world issette-corder, all in one

the best of italong with us. If you take Sony's AM/FM lly designed 12-lb. package.

Run with the best

Whichever portable you take,
and there are many more to choose
from, rest assured that you've made
the best choice. Because they're
all Sonys.

Then, the next time you decide
to pack up and leave your troubles on
the doorstep, you won't have to leave
Mozart or the World Series at home.

SONY:

IE ONE AND ONLY

trademarks

у COMING ATTRACTIONS ><

por cosse: Watch out, Newman and

Redford—here come Bisset and Bergen.
Thats right—Jacqueline Bisset and
ndice Bergen, a dynamic duo if ever
there were one, will team up in MGM's
Rich and Famous, based loosely on the
Bette Davis Forties film Old Acquaint-
Set for two months of on-location
shooting in New York and L.A., the
flick is the story of two woman writers,
one of whom achieves critical acclaim,
the other commercial success. Their 20-
year friendship—from college days at
Smith in the carly Sixties to the pres-
ent—is the crux of the story. Bisset not
only will star in this one, she also has
some production duties. . . . Billy Dee
Williams will play the role of Duke Ellington
in a film version of the Duke's life. .. .
Sally Field, fresh from her Oscar victory,
will reteam with Norma Rae director
Martin Ritt to make Back Roads, a comic
love story co-starring Tommy Lee Jones... .
In the works at CBS is a four-hour mini-
series on the life of actor Errol Flynn. Pro-
ducers of the telelick are currently
looking for a "new discovery" to play

ance.

Bergen lisset

the lead. Would you believe Wayne New-
ton? Based on Flynn's autobiography. My
Wicked, Wicked Ways, this particular
lie story will probably mot deal with
Flynn's alleged Nazi spy connections.
e.

rortve itaks Although the set of
Popeye, now filming in Malta, has been
closed, a few reports have been trick-
ng out. The advance word is that so
far, it's a very successful collaboration
(with Robin Willioms starring, Robert Altman
directing, Robert Evans producing and
Jules Feiffer scripting. the film has always
seemed, if nothing else, an interesting
conglomeration of talents). “So far, the
footage looks just great,” says one source.

"Within 30 seconds, you really do be-
lieve that not only is Williams Popeye
Popeye is Popeye. It's totally believable.”

Apparently. Williams is made up to look
just like the old spinach-sucking salt
(the cut his hair quite short and dyed
it red) and does a near-perfect impres-
sion of Popeye's cartoon voice. Insiders
also report that there is one bar-fight
scene that is so spectacular it's destined
to become a movie classic. Aside from

Williams, the flick stars Shelley Duvell, Rey
Walston and Poul Dooley, among others.
Altman's grandson plays the role of

Little Swee'pea, the foundling that Pop-
eye and Olive Oyl take in.
б

CHEMICAL WARFARE: Henry Jaglom, whose
comedy caper Sitting Ducks received
surprisingly good reviews, will soon film
nother offbeat comedy called Sunny
Skies. “This one is my Frank Copro film,”
says Jaglom. “It's about a little band of
health-food eccentrics in the San Ее
nando Valley who hatch a plot to blow
up a chemical factory.” Cast includes
Jaglom's wife, Patrice Townsend, Bud Cort,
Dory Previn, Teri Gorr, Helene Ke
and Gwen Welles. “It's really about doing
something socially significant.” says Jag-
lom. "taking action—it tells people that
they can fight what’s going on and

б
Autofocus is the title of
Jerzy Kosinski's next novel and, though it
will be published in hardback first,
Kosinski insists he is keeping it com-

Hoffman Kosinsl

pletely separate from the film versi
which he is writing at the same time.
Why? “I want to avoid the notion that
the film should be based on the novel,
he expl lumbia Pictures and the
moviegoing public will get access to the
comic, visual exterior of Autofocus’ main

character, and readers of the novel will
get the tragic and complex inn
of the man." The film deal has alr

been set. Dustin Hoffman will star as the
main character, a fashion photographer,
and Dick (Farewell, My Lovely) Richards
will direct and Columbia will release. As

you've probably read elsewhere, Kosin
ski, long reluctant to sell his novels to
Hollywood, was pretty thrilled with the
way director Hel Ashby conveyed Being
There to the big scre ct, what
Kosinski refers to as his "comic movie
version of Chauncey Gardiner" has cre
ated something of a trend in Hollywood.

FREEZE FRAMES: Charles Bronson and Lee
Marvin appear together for the first time
since The Dirty Dozen in Death Hunt,
the true story of the legendary Albert
Johnson, who, in 1932, became the ob-
ject of the greatest man hunt in the
history of the Royal Canadian Mounted

Marvin

Police. (Bronson portrays Johnson; Mar-
vin is the Mountie out to get him.) A
0,500,000 production, Death Hunt
was filmed in Banff, Alberta.

ON THE ROAD: Probably the best way to
describe John (Yanks) Schlesingers new
film, Honky Tonk Freeway, is that it’s
basically Grand Hotel on wheels. In
other words, the story line follows va
ous characters in various vehicles all
around the U.S. as cach speeds toward
where they all ultimately con-
ng up the cast is Beau Bridges,
уз a frustrated Chicago Xerox-
machine repairman who decides to take
n impromptu detour to Florida on his
way to work one morning. Beverly
D'Angelo, ı the role of Patsy
Cline in Coal Miner's Daughter, plays
Carmen, a loquacious waitress who also
happens to be a nymphomaniac. Teri
бот is a suburban housewife heading
south with her family (Howard Hessemon
plays her husband) in a huge RV, and
Williom Devane plays the mayor of Ticlaw,
Florida, the small town in which all the
parties eventually end up. Ou!
cast include Geraldine Page, who plays а
nun traveling with a novice (Deborah
Rush) who is really something of a hook-

seen last

rs in the

er at heart, Hume Cronyn, Poul Joboro (as
truck driver T. J. Тари) and Jessica
Tondy. А 1981 release is planned.

—JOHN BLUMENTHAL

. . - Before the rates go up!

Effective August 1, 1980,

PLAYBOY's subscription rate will

be $18 for 12 issues and $48 for 36

issues. Subscribe today for the

biggest savings ever!

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ь =

PLAYBOY’S TRAVEL GUIDE

By STEPHEN BIRNBAUM

TO DEMONSTRATE just how easy it is to
make money evaporate when traveling,
I once did a Today show segment on
currency exchange in Mexico City. First
I had the camera pan over my shoul-
der to a sign that hung on the wall
behind the cashier's cage in a large, pop-
ular Mexico City hotel. It read, 20 PESOS
PER DOLLAR; that was the official rate
available within the hotel's walls. Then
I made a small right turn and walked
exactly 57 steps through the lobby, out
the front door and into a bank located
directly beside the hotel. There the offi-
cial exchange rate, duly documented by
the TV camera, was 23.65 pesos per
dollar—and that meant that any traveler
who took the trouble to walk to the
bDank increased his buying power in
Mexico by a whopping 18 percent.

So just by knowing that you should
never exchange U. S. dollars for foreign
funds in any hotel, restaurant or retail
shop abroad, you can enjoy some very
meaningful expansions in your travel
budget—extra francs, marks, pounds and
pesos that miraculously seem to appear
to help carry you farther or Jet you stay
longer. A savvy traveler knows that God
made banks specifically for currency
transactions, and therefore does not stray
from bank tellers when it's time to ex-
change money—except when someone is
holding a pistol to his temple, and then
only after verifying that it's loaded.

And the rule carries over into other
kinds of financial transactions you might
be tempted to make overseas. For exam-
ple, don't pay a foreign hotel bill in
dollars (the exchange rate applied is
the same rotten one you're trying so
hard to avoid), and don't pay your res-
taurant bill in U. S. bucks (for the same
reason), and don't pay for store-bought
goods purchased in foreign stores in
American money (ditto) You pay for
foreign goods and services in the cur-
rency of the country being visited, after
obtaining that currency from a local
bank that has paid you the best rate.

‘Those are two ways in which a trav-
eler can exercise considerable control
over just how much money is available
to spend on the most meaningíul ma-
terial elements of a trip. The idea, after
all, is to maximize the amount that can
be spent on the hedonistic parts of a
holiday and minimize the filthy lucre
absorbed by the foul money-changers.

To begin with, there's the basic ques-
tion of whether travelers heading abroad
should carry their money in cash or in
travelers checks, and whether the car-
ried currency should be in dollars or in
the legal tender of the country being
visited. Generally speaking, you're best

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING
TO BIRNBAUM

How to get
the most for your money
in foreign countries.

off traveling with traveler's checks in
dollar denominations, not only because
your funds are far safer (from theft and
accidental loss) but also because an odd
quirk in international exchange pro-
cedures usually causes most foreign
countries to offer more of their currency
for traveler's checks than for the same
amount of American greenbacks.

If you walk up to the exchange win-
dow at London's Heathrow Airport, for
example, you'll discover that British
pounds are offered for sale at two prices
and that you get more British sterling
for your bucks if youre buying with
traveler's checks—usually just over one
percent more. Don't ask me why that
is so—I've only asked the question a
hundred times and received a hundred
incomprehensible explanations—but rea-
sons aside, it’s true, so you should make
sure you get the benefit. There are, how-
ever, two exceptions to this rule in
Europe—in Belgium and parts of Italy—
where just the reverse is the case.

This easily obtainable one percent
exchange bonus can, unfortunately, be
dissipated just as easily as it was ob-
tained. If you are exchanging traveler's

checks that have cost you the same
amount as the one percent exchange
bonus that you are getting, the whole
process becomes self-defeating. So it is
wise to follow the travel axiom that says,
Purchase only those traveler's checks
that are available at no charge, so that
you both save money on their purchase
and earn money from their exchange.
‘Thomas Cook traveler's checks are, for
example, available at no charge to trav-
elers paying in cash, and Barclays Bank
checks (now associated with Visa) are
also widely available free.

On the matter of exchanging Ameri-
can dollars for foreign currency in the
U. S. versus exchanging the same amount
for foreign currency in the country of
issue, I have always found that I've done
better abroad. As a matter of fact, 1 had
a friend traveling in Europe last fall ex-
change dollars for various foreign cur-
rencies as he made his way around the
Continent. We put his exchanging on a
strict schedule and I converted dollars
to foreign currency in New York City on
exactly the same schedule. We bought
the same currencies on the same days,
and when we compared notes upon his
return, he had done better than I in
every transaction. For that reason, I
make it a point to take only a minimal
amount of foreign currency abroad with
me—just enough to take care of a tip or
two at the airport and transportation to
my hotel, and enough spare change to
last me until I get to a local bank.

How much money a traveler ex-
changes can be nearly as important as
where he buys it, since the rate at which.
currency exchangers sell you foreign
funds is very different from the rate at
which they're prepared to buy it back.
I don’t suppose I have to mention that
the buy-back rate is not exactly skewed
in favor of the American tourist who is
trying to unload a fistful of foreign bills.
A loss of ten percent is common.

How about forgetting about using real
money? Why not just charge everything
on a credit card? You'd be playing a
kind of financial Russian roulette, since
the exchange rate ultimately charged to
you by the credit-card company is what-
ever the exchange rate happens to be on
the date your particular charge slip final-
ly finds its way back to its processing
center. If you think the dollar is likely to
appreciate in value between the time you
make your purchase and the time you are
likely to get your bill by all means,
charge your little heart out. If you think
the dollar is going to decline during that
period, don't charge anything. And il,
like most of the rest of us, you don't have
the faintest idea what'll happen, pay cash.

AT LAST. A CAR THATS
SLOW FROM T" TO F IS
FAST FROM O TO 50.

Irs not surprising that Renault Le Car will take you a long way
on a gallon of gas. What is surprising is how quickly it will do it.

With its high-performance, aluminum-head engine and front-
wheel drive, Le Car gets you up to highway speeds without anxiety.
In fact, Motor Trend clocked it from 0 to 50 in only 10.4 seconds.

But perhaps the most pleasant surprise about Renault Le Car is
not how quickly it goes, but how comfortable you feel along the way.
In a passenger compartment with more room than a Honda Civic or

Datsun 210 hatchback. Cushioned by four-wheel independent sus-
pension and Michelin steel-belted radials, for a smooth, level ride
Motor Trend says “would do credit to far larger, more expensive cars.”
Visit one of the hundreds of Renault dealers from coast to
coast. For an economy car that gives you more than just economy.

"Remember: Compare these 1980 EPA estimates with estimated mpg for other cars. Your mileage may vary, depending on speed, trip length,
and weather. Your actual highway mileage will probably be lower. California excluded. +Based on 1980 EPA data

RENAULT LE CAR

WE BUILD MORE INTO ECONOMY CARS THAN JUST ECONOMY.
Imported by American Motors

= NO RUM REFLECTS | p
; PUERTO RICO |
LIKE RONRICO.

Puerto Rico is the Rum Island, the
world’s foremost rum-producing
region. And Ronrico is the rum—au-
thentic Puerto Rican rum since 1860. 4
Ronrico's smooth, light taste has
been the pride of six generations of
Puerto Rican rum masters. One sip
Will tell you why.

RONRICO: AUTHENTIC
RUM OF PUERTO RICO.

THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR

Mas. 1 find myself involved with an
extremely jealous lover and it’s driving
me nuts. I mean, I like this girl and
spend most of my time with her. I don't.
fool around, except on the rare occasion
when someone makes me an offer I can't
refuse. The problem is, she is jealous
even when there is no reason to be. I
can't talk about past affairs or even men-
tion another woman's name in her pres-
ence. I find that attitude restrictive. If
I could do something to make her feel
better, I would, but it seems to be a no-
win situation. Any suggestions?—E. C.,
Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Psychologists who have studied jeal-
ousy have come up with some not too
surprising findings. It seems that the
emotion is closely tied to feelings of
insecurity and/or an unflattering self-
image. Your girlfriend may feel inade-
quate in some way; consequently, she
invests a great deal of herself in the
relationship. It becomes her major vital
sign. If you give any indication that you
are not as involved as she is, that the
relationship does not mean as much to
you as it does to her, then you'd best be
wearing a steel jockstrap. There are two
ways to cope with a jealous lover: The
first is positive. Make sure you articulate
what it is you like about her. For exam-
ple, compliment her on her perfume.
That is sure-fire—even when she's not
wearing any, she'll be pleased. The sec-
ond approach is to avoid threatening
situations. One study found that there
was a common agreement on what makes
a person green—a sort of Geneva con-
vention on jealousy. The five most
effective tactics were (in descending or-
der) discusing and exaggerating the
appeal of some third person, fürting,
dating others, fabricating attachments
and talking about previous partners. If
you find that you can't get through life
without engaging in those activities, you
may have to find a new partner—one who
is totally self-assured. And then you'd
better hope your self-image is intact.

V can't figure it out. The grass I bought
from a reputable dealer was a beautiful
golden color. But it was nowhere near
as potent as it looked. What was
wrong?—P. F., San Dicgo, California.
The color of marijuana has nothing
to do with its potency. It can only indi-
cate its origin, how fresh it is, if it was
alive or dying when cut or if and how
it was cured. For instance, varieties
grown in tropical or high-altitude cli-
mates tend to have less chlorophyll.
Northern-grown varieties have more.

There is only one home test for ef-
fect. You obviously made that test too
late. That’s what was wrong.

AA friend recently told me that wrap-
ping one’s erection in aluminum foil
enhances the pleasures of oral sex. Is
there any truth to that?—J. J. C., Staten
Island, New York.

We sent your letter to our crew in the
Playboy Test Bedrooms. Their report:
Aluminum foil may help keep the meat
fresh, but nothing more. Maybe Handi-
Wrap would work better?

М... of what I've read about diesel
cars indicates that they are the coming
thing, especially with the shortages of
premium fuel. The only bad things I've
heard are that acceleration is poor and,
of course, you must fill up at truck stops.
Neither is a real problem for me. Is
there anything else I should know?—
A. W., Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Diesel engines are not the answer to
the oil shortage, merely an alternative to
the gas engine. Both fuels come from the
same hole in the ground. The big differ-
ence is in mileage per gallon. A good
diesel setup can give you as much as 25
percent better mileage. That’s a great
savings if you do a lot of highway driv-
ing. On the other hand, if you use your
car for short hops around the city, a lot
of stop-and-go driving, park for long
periods on city streets and live where
the temperature drops below ten degrees,
a diesel engine may be more pain than
panacea. Diesel fuel is dirty, often water-
laden and can easily foul an engine.
Your maintenance schedule will have to
include changing oil and filters every

3000 miles. Below ten degrees, the fuel
changes to the consistency of hot fudge,
which means you'll need to change to a
winter blend and/or heat your engine to
start it. For bank robbers, a diesel there-
fore makes a lousy wintertime getaway
car. If none of the above bothers you
and you can handle the occasional
smoke, clatter and the extra purchase
price of a diesel engine, go ahead; just
understand that you're trading one set
of problems for another.

МУ... сап you tell me about nonspe-
cific urethritis, or N.S.U.? I went to a
doctor recently with all the symptoms of
gonorrhea—a burning sensation upon
urination, a slight discharge, the works.
He tested for V.D., but the results were
negative. The doctor told me 1 probably
had nonspecific urethritis. How did 1
get it? My feeling is that if it looks like
V.D. and feels like V.D., it must be
V.D.—W. L., Dallas, Texas.

You're right. It is V.D. Nonspecific
urethritis (or nongonococcal urethritis)
is almost twice as prevalent as gonor-
rhea. The symptoms are almost identi-
cal, though N.S.U. is somewhat milder..
In many cases, victims have both diseases
at the same time and, after being treated
for gonorrhea, wind up having just
N.S.U. For years, doctors treated (or
mistreated) the disease as nonvenereal.
The letters N.S.U. were thought to mean
Not So Upsetting. While you can catch
it from a variety of sources, the most
likely pattern is through lovemaking. If
you. have it, advise your partners. N.S.U.
can easily be cured with antibiotics (such
as tetracycline). If unchecked, it can
lead to pelvic inflammatory disease,
sterility and arthritis. When in doubt,
check it out.

Where can a person go to get a total
tan? My girlfriend and I really get off
on nude sun-bathing, skinny-dipping
and/or near-naked jogging. Unfortu-
nately, we can't plan a trip to some
deserted island every weekend. Is there a
directory listing free beaches in the
U. S3—L. R., Evanston, Illinois.

We were thinking of hauling in a
couple of truckloads of sand, spreading
it on the sidewalk in front of the
Playboy Building «nd inviting all com-
ers, but the Chicago wind made that a
bit unfeasible. Oh, well. You're in luck.
You should keep your eyes pecled for a
copy of “World Guide to Nude Beaches
and Recreation,” by Lee Baxandall. The
book lists over 5000 hideaways for
healthy hedonists. You can order it from
Stonehill Publishing, 1140 Avenue of the

PLAYBOY

Americas, New York, New York 10036,
for $9.95 or, betier yet, check the Playboy
Book Club. Maybe we'll run into you
somewhere. Look for the guy with the
bandoleer filled with tubes of sun block.

When 1 bought my new car, the sales-
man made a big pitch for me to get one
of those lusterizer coatings to protect
the finish. Frankly, 1 don't trust the
stuff, especially at $150 for the treat-
ment. He claimed I'd get more for my car
in trade-in and that I would never have
to wax it. Was he pulling my lege—
P. T., Boston, Massachusetts.

He had a fairly good grip on your
ankles. What he said was true, as far
as it went. The fact is that what those
trealments will give you is a shiny car.
No, we take that back: a very shiny car.
Whether or not they will protect the
finish is a matter of controversy. The
two main dangers to a car's finish are oxi-
dation and ultraviolet rays from the sun.
Anything—wax, polish, polymer coating
or peanut butter—will prevent oxida-
tion. But there is no conclusive evidence
to prove that polymer coating will shield
your car from ultraviolet rays better
than a good wax will. But some coating
is necessary. So the question is: Which
is better for you? Polymers can cost any-
where from ten dollars a bottle to $200
for the full treatment. The difference is
in the labor and the fact that your car's
finish is prepared with an abrasive buff-
ing beforehand to assure the bond. Some
treatments require additional mainte-
nance every three or six months, about
as often as you'd normally wax your car.
(The salesman was right about the fact
that you wouldn’t have to wax your car.
There's little sense in waxing a polymer
coaling.) But your car’s trade-in value is
dependent on how the body looks, not
on how you got it to look that way. The
bottom line is that you've got a choice:
lusterizer-sealant or polish-wax. Our ad-
vice: Get it rust-proofed. Paint is replace-
able, metal is not.

1 have trouble reaching orgasm with my
boyfriend when we make love. He is
very understanding and suggested that I
try performing Kegel exercises. (He re-
members reading about them in a pre-
vious Playboy Advisor column.) What
are they and why do they work?—Miss
S. F., Savannah, Georgia.

Sex researchers over the past few years
have begun to explore the relationship
between sexual responsiveness and mus-
cle tone, particularly that of the pubo-
coccygeus muscle. In one experiment,
doctors measured the “clenching power”
of the pubococcygeus muscle and com-
pared it with orgasmic ability. Totally
nonorgasmic women registered an aver-
age of 742 mmHg on a Kegel Perine-
ometer, while clitorally but not coitally

orgasmic women measured 12.31 mmHg.
Women who were both clitorally and
coitally orgasmic rang the chimes at 17
mmHg. The Kegel exercises are simple:
The woman contracts the pubococcygeus
muscle, as though she were trying to re-
frain from urinating, in sets of ten,
several times a day. Unfortunately, as
simple as the exercises sound, a lot of
women have had difficulty working out
at the Y. According to a report in the
March issue of Medical Aspects of Hu-
man Sexuality, there is new hope. An
electronic device known as the Vagitone
stimulates muscles through electrother-
apy. Used twice a day, it rapidly and
involuntarily tones, strengthens and con-
ditions the pelvic muscles. The device is
available from Techni-Med, 8135 Cali-
fornia Avenue, Whittier, California
90602. Ask your doctor for details.

In a few weeks, rtl be headed for the
Caribbean for my annual vacation. I
intend to play a good deal of tennis
there. Friends have advised me not to
take my usual racket, a wooden model,
because of the high humidity. But is it
worth buying a metal one for just one
week?—M. P., Phoenix, Arizona.

Buying a metal racket may not be
necessary, but you should take some pre-
cautions. Extreme changes in heat and
humidity can ruin a racket in short
order. If your racket is strung with gut,
for instance, all it will take is one
afternoon of high humidity to reduce
the strings to sweater yarn. You'd be a
lot better off with nylon. As for the
racket itself, delamination and warping
are the problems. Be sure to take along
а good racket press and use it whenever
you're not wielding the racket. It's also
a good idea to sprinkle a little talcum
powder into your racket cover to help
absorb some of the moisture. The racket
will still absorb moisture, so be sure,
when you return, to leave it in the press
until it has become reacclimatized. Hang
it on a rack; don't stand it on the floor.

IM, television set has a ghosting prob-
lem on one of the channels. It is a
fairly new set, so I know there's nothing
wrong with it. If I buy a video cassette
recorder and record from that channel,
will the ghosting appear on the tape?
In other words, is it necessary to have
a perfectly tuned TV in order to re-
cord?—R. P., Rockford, Illinois.

The answer is yes and no, but mostly
yes. You are actually working with four
tuners. Both the TV and the recorder
have U.H.F. and V.H.F. tuners. When
the recorder is working, its tuner takes
over the function from the TV. That's
why you can record on one channel
while watching another. Unfortunately,
in order to set up the V.C.R. tuner, the
TV tuner must be working first. Any

distortion or interference that appears
on the screen will appear on the tape.
That includes ghosting, which is, in fact,
a splitting of the TV signal. If you can't
get the signal, you can't get the picture.
Get the picture?

Goan you гей me what is going on with
birth control? It seems that one by one
the accepted methods have been get-
ting the ax from concerned feminists.
First the pill, and now 1.U.D.s. My girl-
friend is quite worried over reports that
1.U.D.s can contribute to infertility and
pelvic infection. She is thinking of switch-
ing to a combination of diaphragm and
condoms—which sounds fine in theory
bur would rule out any spontaneous sex
acts (in taxicabs or whatever). We'd much
prefer a passive method that we don't
have to think about every time we make
love. How great is the risk of using an
1.U.D.2—M. W., Portland, Oregon.

It has been estimated that between
two and four percent of the women
using I.U.D.s are susceptible to pelvic
inflammatory disease, or P.I.D., a dis-
ease that can destroy the Fallopian tubes
and ovaries and make pregnancy impos-
sible at a later date. The statistic is
somewhat misleading. Doctors view it
as manageable, in the way that a seven
percent unemployment rate is manage-
able for the economy. But, as someone
once pointed out, if you belong to the
seven percent, you are 100 percent un-
employed, and if you are one of the
unfortunate women who develop P.I.D.,
you can become 100 percent sterile. We
are reluctant to throw out the birth-
control device with the bath water, be-
cause it’s not clear that the LU.D. is
the sole cause of pelvic inflammatory
disease. More frequently, that condition
is the result of an undetected case of
gonorrhea. If caught early, PI.D. can be
treated with antibiotics. (Some of the
symptoms are fever, menstrual cramps,
increased bleeding and cramps during
the menstrual period, an abnormal vagi-
nal discharge and pain during inter-
course.) In any case, no method of birth
control should be considered. passive. It
is your job to be an informed consumer.
Have your girlfriend ask her doctor for
information about the I.U.D.—dwhat the
danger signs of P.LD. are, elc. If he
doesn't give answers, get another doctor,
not another method of contraception.

All reasonable questions—from fash-
ion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars
to dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette-
will be personally answered if the writer
includes a stamped, self-addressed en-
velope. Send all letters to The Playboy
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michi-
gan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. The
most provocative, pertinent queries will
be presented on these pages each month.

Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health.

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THE PLAYBOY FORUM

acontinuing dialog on contemporary issues between playboy and its readers

DILDO PERIL

Flash! A bill has been introduced in
our state legislature that would prohibit
any “device for the stimulation of hu

dildos from the state of Arizon
means all the dildos would
move to New Mexico, and

half
population would move there, too. I
don't know what to do!

Bill Marshall

the

Phoenix, Arizona

We were going to tell you how to be-
come the Al Capone of Prohibition
dildos and get rich, but a senate com-
mittee, alas, has hilled that provision of
the bill—despite a proposed amend-
ment that would have exempted dildos
for “legislative, medical or judicial” pur-
poses. One opponent of the ban argued,
“What use does a legislator have for
dildos if the rest of us aren't supposed
to have them?

ILLEGITIMATE FATHER?

From a story I read in the Chicago
Sun-Times, it seems that we may be
witnessing the dawn of the era of the
itimate father. A college professor
rhs moves in with
a married couple, agreeing to
their adopted child in return for
and board. Weeks pass. The man ol
the house is often away on business, and
an affair commences between the wile
and the sitter. More weeks pass, during
which

sexual problems exist be-

tween husband and wife. Finally, the
lady in question sheds her birth control.
makes love to both men on the same

day and, about the same time, is artifi-
cially inseminated because of suspected
fertility.

A child is born (wouldn't you know?),
and the sitter-lover finds other lodgings,
but the affair limps on—for four years
it limps. During that time, the lover
takes another but continues dating the
wife, who splits with her husband, who
takes up with her best friend. At this
point, the wile and mother cuts olf the
vital visiting rights the former

been enjos He is now
suing to establish paternity, because he
; his lawyers are

c fatherhood.
AIL 1 can say is, it should have been
triplets: one for the husband, one for
the lover and one for the books.
(Name withheld by request)
Wilmette, Illinois

GULP

We three girls live together as room-
mates. In discussing our sexual relation-
ships, we've discovered something quite
interesting. It scems in all of our past
and present experiences, we've found
that the size of a тапу Adam's apple
scems to have a direct relationship to

“Which means all the
dildos would have to
move to New Mexico.”

the size of his penis. So far, our theory
hasn't left one of us disappointed
We're just wondering if anyone else
has found that true or if there are any
existing statistics.
Joan Heegard
Barbra Weis
Lori Beadell
South Minneapolis, Minnesota
This one we took straight to the
Playboy Advisor, who scoffed at the idea,
calling it ridiculous. Then we noticed,
for the first time, that he has quite a
small Adam's apple.

FOXHOLE EQUALITY

God. I seem to be having trouble get
ting this women’s equality thing straight
First women want to be treated as equals,
then they want to be treated equally bı

te. Then they want to be equals
with special privileges. I'm referring, of
course, to the commotion that came up
when President Carter had the audacity
to suggest that women be registered for
the draft and, presumably, might get
called up to serve in the Armed Forces
in the event of a national emergency.
Hell, equal is equal. I am of the opinion
that the women who have been demand-
ing equality should have the same right
as I have to get my head blown off in
combat.

This doesn’t apply to the vast majority
of women who are not demanding spe-
cial rights or privileges to compensate
for their personal problems or thei
personal sexual grievances, But for those
who are, I say fuck them, and I don't
mean in the sexual sense. I'll let them
in my foxhole only if they do their own

igging.

Sgt. J. D. Greer
APO New York, New York

WHAT'S IN A NAME?
Did you know that New Zealand's
number-one antipornography campaign-
cr, Patricia Bartlett, belongs to a group
called the Council of Org tions for
Moral Education? Can you appreciate
the acronym of this group?
(Name withheld by request)
Auckland, New Zealand

Come on!

SUPPORTING ER.A.

The main reason I used to lavor the
Equal Rights Amendment was because
crackpots like Phyllis Schlafly and Anita
Bryant have been against it. Now,
though, as time goes on. I have to adr

ws of

to qualms about enacting new

any kind. Whenever the Federal Gov-
ernment tries to help people, it usually
ends up making things worse. Also, the
treak-out displayed by our supposedly
liberated women at the prospect of
being even registered for the draft has
dulled my ardor for women's rights.
There are plenty of laws now оп the
books to guarantee women equal op-
portunity, equal this and equal that. We
can't even sexually harass them in the
office anymore, I just heard on the tele-
vision news. To hell with E.R.A.
Bobby Morgan
Los Angeles, Californi
As longtime supporters of the E.R
along with the Playboy Foundation,
we'd like to enlighten you on
point. Probably one of the amendment's

one

PLAYBOY

greatest virtues is that it would establish
more broadly the rights already guaran-
teed by law and reduce the need to
tediously litigate them on a case-by-case
basis, On your last point, we're not
sure, but it's possible you still may be
able to sexually harass employees as long
as you're nondiscriminatory.

ORGASMIC INEQUITY

As discussed in connection with your
interview with Gay Talese in the May
issue, Thy Neighbor's Wife will titillate
America. but Talese’s unsystematic. im-
pressionistic “discovery” of sex and the
sexual revolution is not much more than
media hype. Talese presents opinions
that are often at odds with the empirical
findings of sex research. carried out by
One p
us obse
about innate differences between women
and men that favor men’s enjoyment of
many sexual partners and leaves women
to the confines of monogamous and
deep-love relationships.

Sure, sex research would

support

Talese in that at this point in timc,
this society, men reach orgasm more
often

heterosexu tercourse than do
female partners. To the contrary,
we have every reason to believe that cul-
tions have prevented
women from realizing their orgasmic
potential.

Talese's love for the word dysfunction
is one of many reasons for his ineptness
in chronicling the social and psycho-
logical realities of changing sexual life-
styles. Perhaps sensational journalism
sells more than empirical sex research
due to the priorities of funding agencics
and the conservatism of academia, but
hers will have their day! I

sex re
promise.
Roger W. Libby, Ph.D., Editor
Alternative Lifestyles
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts

PRICE OF PERSECUTION

At present, marijuana usage (or suspi-
m thereof) can be sufficient to lose
one's military security clearance, wasting
the thousands of dollars used to train
a person and to investigate his
ground. For example, every marijuana
smoker in my Naval Security Group is
considered a security risk by the present
It is the criterion itself Ч

of marijuana. In order to continue in his
job, a smoker must lie to the Navy about.

his usage, causing a severe the
trust required for a good intelligence
operation and setting him up for the

pos
intelligence ар

1 that any Government

ncy rightly worries about,

(Name and address
withheld by request)

An interesting thought occi
me while a bunch of us were dis

FORUM NEWSFRONT

what’s happening in the sexual and social arenas

SKIN SQUAD

COOGEE, AUsTRALIA— To. keep nude
swimmers from riling local residents,
police have been forced to patrol local
beaches wearing the skimpiest of swim-
wear so they can sneak up on their
prey. “The idea is to look as incon-
spicuous as possible,” authorities ex-
plained. “Uniforms are out because the

nudists sce us coming and get dressed.”
Nicknamed the Skin Squad, the police
said they planned to add several wom-
en officers, who would also be wearing
as little as legally possible.

DRUG REPORT

WASHINGTON, D.C.—4n ils final report
before disbanding, the Drug Abuse
Council has criticized stringent laws
against drug use and faulted Federal
efforts in drug treatment and law en-
forcement as unnecessarily alarmist and
crisis oriented. The privately financed
panel, in a 291-page book tilled “The
Facts About ‘Drug Abuse; " said:

+ Americans ате using more mindal-
tering drugs than ever before, but actual
abuse is “much less frequent” and the
nation should moderate its fears about
drug addiction.

+ "Too many Americans have un-
realistic expectations about what drug
laws and programs can accomplish.”

+ “Exhaustive study has revealed little
deterrent impact from the so-called ‘get
tough’ drug laws,” such as New York's

+ Possession of small amounts of
marijuana should be decriminalized
and experiments should be conducted in
treating heroin addicts by means of
heroin clinics, as in Greal Britain.

MARIJUANA HAZARDS

WASHINGTON, расй major Federal
study conducted by the National Insti-
tute on Drug Abuse has found that
heavy pot smoking may be more danger-
ous than generally d, especially
among young people. The research re-
portedly confirmed carlier findings that
marijuana, especially the move potent
grades of pot, can adversely affect the
Te productive systems in both men and
women and that smoking five joinis a
week causes lung damage equivalent to
smoking 16 high-tar cigarettes a day. At
the same time, the vesearch confirmed
marijuana's medical properties in treat-
ing glaucoma and the nausea that usual-
ly accompanies chemotherapy.

"cogni

POT CROP

UKIAH, CALIFORNIA— The. Mendocino
County agricultural commissioner has
decided to include marijuana, along
with the usual grapes, pears and red-
wood lumber, in his annual crop re-
port. “Just because it's illegal doesn't
mean it's not an agricultural crop and
part of the county's economy,” Com-
missioner Ted Eriksen explained. Git-
ing “reliable sources” he declined to
identify, Eriksen estimated that the
1979 pot crop was worth $90,000,000,
making it Mendocino County's second
largest, behind redwood,

TOO LIBERATED

CONCORD, CALIFORNIA—If some local
Baptists have their way, Ms. magazine
will be banned as profane, sacrilegious
and pornographic from all school li-
braries in the Concord district. A full-
page advertisement in Contra Costa
Times, signed by half of the 900 mem-
bers of the Fair Oaks Baptist Church,
calls the publication's articles “so por-
nographic and replete with the ulti-
mate four-letter words that they shock
the sensibilities of most persons, even
those considered highly sophisticated.”
The statement also complained that the
pages of Ms. contain “sexuataid ads of
the type only found in the underground
press.”

FIREWOMEN'S RIGHTS

COUNCIL. BLUFFS, 1owa— The Towa
Civil Rights Commission has decided
that a female Jowa City fire fighter,
suspended for breast-feeding her baby
at the fire station, was the victim of
sex discrimination. The commissioners
awarded the woman back pay for her
periods out of work, $26,100 to cover

legal fees and $2000 in damages for emo-
tional distress suffered in her yearlong
legal battle to retain her job. She had
sought only $500, but the beard founa
thal amount ‘embarrassingly lo:
In New York, a 34-year-old woman,
told she couldn't breast-feed her baby
at a Williston, Long Island, swimming
pool, received a $7500 out-of-court
settlement from the village board.

TALKING BACK

—In a unanimous
decision, the U.S. Supreme Court has
revised the Federal vule allowing crim-
inal defendants to bar damaging testi-
mony by their spouses. The Court held
that now the witness spouse alone has
the right to decide whether or not to
testify and cannot be either barred
from testifying or required to do so.
Although the ruling applies only to
Federal cases, 17 states have abolished
the ban on spousal testimony in crim-
inal actions.

MALE-CHAUVINIST POPE

VATICAN crty—Afler antagonizing
American feminists last year by suggest-
ing that women's place is in the home,
Pope John Paul H has salted the wound
by declaring that women express their
true nature by bearing children. “The
ministry of femininity manifests and
reveals itself in depth through mater-

nity," the Pope told a crowd of 12,000.
Then, using Biblical language, he de-

fined the relationship between the sexes
by saying, “He who knows is man, and
she who is known is woman, a wife."

PHANTOM PEDICURIST
LOS ANGELES—Campus cops at the
University of Southern California are
trying to decide what to do about a

man suspected of crawling under li-
brary lables and painting the toenails
of unsuspecting coeds. Police picked up
a young man with а bag containing

15 bottles of fingernail polish, but he
was released because the unauthorized
painting of private toenails is only a
misdemeanor that must be witnessed by
the arresting officer. The altacks were
first reported by a woman student who
discovered that her toenails, pink
when she entered the library, were
green when she got ready to leave.

SEXUAL PROTECTION

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Equal Em-
ployment Opportunity Commission has
published new regulations explicitly
forbidding sexual harassment of em
ployees by their supervisors, both in
government and in private business.
The rule states that Federal, state and
local agencies and companies with 15
or more employees have an “affirmative
duty" lo prevent and eliminate sexual
harassment, which may be “either
physical or verbal in natur

SEXUAL AGGRESSION

NUREMBERG, WEST GERMANY—Afler
disciplining two male soldiers for
ually harassing a female GI, the Army
now has punished a woman private for
groping the crotch of a Specialist Fourth
Class. According to reports, the of-
fender first argued with the victim in a
supply room, then followed him to a
nearby dispensary, where she grabbed
him between the legs, squeezed and
said, “You shrimp, give me a li
The private was busted from E-2 to EI,
fined $298 and sentenced to 30 days

PORN DECISION

WASHINGTON, n.c.—Ruling in a Texas
case, the U. S. Supreme Court has struck
down as unconstitutional state “public
nuisance” laws that have permitted
local authorities to close down movie
theaters for showing obscene films. The
Court held that padlocking theaters for
some specified period of lime—one year
under the Texas law—amounted to
‚prior censorship in violation of the
First Amendment, Theater owners may
still be penalized for showing an ob-
scene film, but only by being. prose
cuted in a criminal action after the
movie has been shown.

BACK TO BULLETS

SALT LAKE — The practice of giv-
ing condemned prisoners in Utah the
choice of death on the gallows or be-
fore а firing squad has been ended by
а new law that, in effect, eliminates
hanging. The statute now reads, "The
warden shall see that the judgment of
death is executed by shooting the de-
fendunt at the state prison” The
chairman of the state committee that
recommended the change said it was
designed 10 achieve a more efficient
and humane means of execution

In Illinois, the state supreme court
has denied a request by convicted mur
Kenneth Allen that he be
culed on schedule without appeal,
declaring that under state law,
appeals are mandatory. During his trial
Jor the killing of two Chicago police-
men in 1979, Allen acted as his own
counsel and recommended the death
penalty for himself.

derer exe

such

DON'T TOUCH
SALEM, OREGON— By a six-lo-Lhree
ion, the Oregon Court of Appeals
has held that female prison guards can-
nol conduct. frisk searches of male in-
mates. The ruling stemmed from a suit
filed in 1978 by several prisoners
at the state penitentiary who argued

dec

that such searches, which involved the
touching of genital and anal areas
through the clothing, violated their
constitutional right of privacy. The
majority of the court agreed that this
right outweighed the right of women
guards to equal job opportunities.

RIGHT TO BEAR CHILDREN

austin— The chairman of the Texas
Board of Human Resources is being
pressured to resign after suggesting
thal welfare recipients be sterilized.
After a board meeting, Hilmar G
Moore told a radio reporter, “When
you cannot support yourself or your
family, you up certain rights.
One of those is to bring in more chil-
dien” This created a furor among
socialactivist groups, who held a press
conference on the steps of the state
capitol. They called for Moore's resig-
nation and urged. Texans to tell him
they don't believe poor people should
surrender their vight to bear children.
Moore later said that responses were
750 10 H in his favor.

give

PLAYBOY

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Our “How to Buy a Motorcycle” booklet is
unbiased and objective. (Well, we did throw ina
few good words for ourselvesat the end.) And,
if youask us, it’s kind of fun to read.

Best of all, it's free. Just fill in the blanks,
send us the coupon, and we'll send you the
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You'll find out how to get more miles, and
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Send to: “How to Buy”; 1349 West 166th Street, Gardena, California 90247

FUN IN THE SUN
ко" St, Michele

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the television movie Sgt. Matlovich vs-

gs such as those por-
in excess of
$5000 cach. Now let us use the figure of
ten percent homosexuality in society and
apply that to the Armed Forces’ total
tive force of approximately
nd now let us say that those indiv
found the courage to come out of the
closets and challenge the Armed Forces’
policy on homosexuality. What would
the Armed Forces do?

Would they choose to discharge that
ten percent of their forces at а cost in
excess of one and a quarter billion dol-
Tars, plus the countless millions more to
recruit and train new personnel? Or
would they, after looking at the eco-
nom factor, decide to remove such
policies from their regulations? Interest-
ing question, don't you
withheld by request)
McClellan AFB,

We can't vouch for its figu
last letter raises an interesting point: and
clearly the military, like much of Amer-
ican sociely, hasn't yet decided how best
to deal with either drug use or homo-
sexuality. On the one hand, who wants a
soldier who's a stereotypical pansy or one
who may be too stoned to correctly insert
zine of his M-16? On the other
hand, simple statistics indicate that the
vast majority of pot smokers and homo-
sexuals are indistinguishable from the
so-called general population in their per-
sonal valucs, professional abilities and
job performances, so why not judge the
individual on those criteria and leave
off-duty pot smoking and sexual prefer-
ence out of it? AL present, we cannot
reveal our source of this information, and
we invoke journalistic privilege under the
First Amendment, but we at FLAYBOY
have reason to believe that approximate-
1у 96.4 percent of all enlisted men in the
U.S. Armed Forces would rather fuck
than fight, (It's the remaining 3.6 percent
we worry about.)

EQUAL DUTY
Our friends the Rightto-Lifers are
doing everything in their power to force
through a constitutional amendment
banning abortion. If they succeed in
legally compelling women to become
mothers, then why not pass a law requir-
the fathers to share in the “joys” of
childbe: At the confirmation of
. these men could be given
medication to simulate the pleasures of
morning sickness, backaches and swollen
ankles and would be requi
increasingly heavy weights а
bellies for nine months. At the first sign
of labor, doctors could induce a heavy
dose of hi burn
expectant poppas. And after the birth
and immediately after the first feeding,
they would be responsible for handing
their offspring over to the adoption

nd indigestion in the

<j)” Yesterday,
[kept four women
happy while!

was tied up"

nse - eet

VOLUME START REWIND MESSAGE COUNTER

n Ф Ф

What a day. My meeting ran So I set a time with Linda. be available 24 hours a day. Even
late, so I was still tied up at the Pacified my sister. Told Pat to buy when you're not. The Remote 930
office when Linda called the house. 100 shares of Amalgamated. And shown is $299.95. Other models
Then my sister. Then Pat, my stock- promised Mom I'd be over for start at $99.95. To find out where
broker, with a hot tip. Then my leftovers. to buy one in your area, call toll-free:

mother, with a hot meal. My Phone-Mate works for О
No problem. Му Phone-Mate те even when I'mat home. P = on E 5 MATE

answering machine records all my І сап screen calls and select which 800-421-5043

calls. It also lets me play my mes- ones to answer by listening to the In California: 800-262-1583

sages by remote control from any Incoming Call Monitor.

telephone. Get a Phone-Mate. It'll help you

Playboy Casebook

THE MAN WHO “DIDN’T DO IT”

with his execution date only two weeks away,
larry hicks found someone who listened to his story—and believed it

Death-penalty advocates have fos-
tered the idea that very few people are
wrongly convicted and that our elabo-
rate system of appeals virtually pre-
cludes their execution. That is a myth
based on misunderstanding. Convic-
tions are all 100 easily oblained on
false or mistaken testimony by wit-
nesses, and appellate courts rule not on
evidence but on points of law. In 1978,
we reported the case of a mentally dis-
turbed Ohio woman who plausibly
confessed to a multiple murder she
had not committed and who was well
on her way to a capital-crime convic-
tion when the Playboy Defense Team
intervened. Last year, the Playboy
Foundation contributed to a group of
prominent Arizona cilizens whose ef-
forts—and more than $30,000—have
since “unsolved” the 1976 bombing
murder of Phoenix reporter Don Bolles
and secured new trials for Max Dunlap
and James Robison, both convicted on
plea-hargained testimony of the known
bomber. Consider here the case of a
young man with no family, friends or
funds who avoided the electric chair
mainly by a stroke of extraordinary
ood luck.

It now appears the only crime com-
mitted by 19-year-old Larry Hicks was
to be black, poor, ignorant of the legal
process and incredibly trusting of courts
and lawyers. For that he was sentenced
to die in the Indiana electric chair.
Two weeks before his scheduled ex-
ccution, he was spared, not by any fail-
sale feature ol the criminal-justice
system but because someone else's law-

yer heard his unusual story and both-
ered to check it out.
The lawyer was Nile Stanton, a

prominent Indianapolis attorney who
specializes in criminal appeals. On May
15, 1979, Stanton was leaving a visiting
cell at the Indiana State Prison when
he was stopped by Hicks, being es-
corted back to death row after talking
to a chaplain. Hicks was worried: He
had heard nothing from his court-ap-
pointed attorney concerning his appeal
or stay of execution, and he was sched
uled to die on June first for two
murders he insisted he had not com
ined. “Just what I didn't need." said
Stanton later. “Ап indigent. slum-kid
murderer who ‘didn’t do it’ But I
promised to sce about the stay and get
back to him. That part sounded odd."
St ked to prison warden J- R.

nton

Duckworth, who confirmed the fact that
no stay had been received and said he
was becoming concerned. With death
sentences, appeals are supposedly auto-
matic, but an attorney still must file
the necessary motions; and under In-
diana law, execution is not contingent
on the afirmative ruling of a higher
court. As Stanton explains, “I imagine
the warden would have taken it upon
himself to make some last-minute
phone calls, but he wasn't required to.
We could have had just about the
neatest, nicest, quietest electrocution
in Indiana history.”

His curiosity aroused, Stanton began
some checking on the case and on
Hicks himself and found his accident
1 to be a cultural oddity: He didn
grass and rarely dr:

a juvenile or criminal record, had
with an aunt and had worked steadily
since his carly teens. Despite a “low
normal" LQ. and community standards
to the contrary, he had stayed in school
and was completing the th g
the time of his

racter and his efforts, Stanton next
nged for Hicks to take two poly-
graph which he passed on

tests,

every point. Stanton then wrote to the
Playboy Foundation: “There is, I ab-
solutely assure you, an innocent man
facing the death penalty in my
state. . . . I urgently implore you
to review the enclosed materials and
get in touch with me as soon possi
ble. Larry Hicks is on death row for
murders he did not commit,”

In January 1980, <
liam Helmer and investig:
lion of the Playboy Defen
with Stanton and his assistant Kevin
M ne, They interviewed Hicks at
the state prison in Michigan City. In-
diana, and studied the transcript of the
trial, which had lasted only one and a
half days. Th as homicides go,
was classically simple—two unpremed-
itated killings stemming from what
the police call a “private dispute.”

On a Saturday evening in February
1978, Hicks, just home from work and
nursing a strained. back, reluctantly
agreed to help two women neighbors
move furniture to a new apartment a
few blocks away. The moving party
included one Bernard Scates, the live-
in boyfriend of onc of the women, and
two acquaintances enlisted with the
promise of drinks and a few dollars.
accounts, the hired helpers did
n moving and soon
Hicks
claims he left in disgust around mid-
night, walked home and spent thc
night with his girlfriend. Late the next
morning, he returned to the neighbors?
new apartment to pick up groceries
he'd forgotten and learned тот a child
in the building that Scates and thc
1 been picked up by
the police. He assumed that the party
had gotten out of hand and returned
home to watch the winter Olympics on
television, A short time later. Hicks
himself was in jail, charged with stab-
ng to death the two helpers, whose
bodies had been found in the snow.
filled alley behind the apartment build-
ing shortly after eight that morning.

When questioned, the women gave
police a chronologically confusing story
of Hicks and Scates's fighting with the
two helpers around midnight and then
iling them. At first, Scates also blamed

'elsom

became drunk and qu

two women

Hicks, but he later told fellow prison-
s that Hicks was nor the person
involved. A few days after his arrest,

tes died
suicide

At his trial, the only signifi
Hicks was the
ony of Scates's girlfriend. the
other wo ing changed her story
so many times the prosecution moved
to have her declared a hostile witness.

ant ev

ed none of the girlfriend's
ements and ignored the prosecu-
tion's failure to present the blood-
ned clothing she claimed Hicks had
vearing when he left. He did not
call the alibi witness with whom Hicks
id he'd spent the night or present
other possible witnesses to the events of
the evening. He did not put Hicks on
the stand in his own defense and virtu
ally ignored the most important point
of all: The county coroner, a witness for
the state, testified that the murders had
occurred not late Saturday night when
the fighting supposedly started but
sometime alter six o'clock the following
morning,

That last fact was merely stated in
passing and apparently escaped the
€ of the jury. After the verd
nd the punishment ph:
Hicks asked to take the stand and had
to be told that the wial was over. He
then asked the judge. “Your Honor.
why did I get guilty?” A bit later, the
following exchange occurred:

court: It’s your testimony that
[the witnesses] were trying to
frame you?

шск: They didn't try to frame
me, they framed me.

court: With the stabbings?

nicks: They are the reason I'm
', th 1 I can say.

court: Is it your testimony you
did not stab either person?

nicks: I ain't stabbed nobody or
nothing clsc. .
URT: Mi
why you arc h

HICKS: Not сха

Hicks, do you know
* this morning?
Чу, sir.

At a hearing last March, Stanton
filed a motion to reopen the case on the
ground that Hicks had not sufficiently
understood the proceedings to assist in
hisown defense. That was evident from
the trial transcript and was confirmed
by psychiatric testimony. Lake County
Superior Court Judge James C. Kin
brough, who had presided at Hicks's
greed and ordered a new trial.
ce then, a detect ng for
Stanton has turned up new evidence
that further ехопе
completely dismantle the prosecution's
version of the crime—to the
ment of the Gary police and the d
may of the actual killer.

mbarrass-

agency. Maybe if enough men felt a
twinge of remorse at the recognition of
a dimple or a tiny, newborn nose, we
wouldn't have as many pious moralists
demanding that women do their “duty
by bearing every fetus that is conceived.
Rosemary Padilla

Morgantown, West Virginia
ding “Fetus Fanatics” im your

May issue, I'd be quite interested. in
secing documentation for your statement
th: most Catholics believe that abor-
tion should be a matter of conscience,
not law.” I happen to be a Catholic
and, though my strong anti-abortion
beliefs are not solely based on my faith,
1 find it hard to believe that most
Catholics lean toward prochoice. Also.
you make it sound like prolife is strict-
ly a Catholic movement.

Rather than point out to politici
that “the major ochoice tend-
encies, you should mention that, had

borüon been legalized a genera

carlier, 30 percent of those politi

might never have been born.
(Name withheld by request)
Mankato State University
Mankato, Minnesoi

That’s bad? As for documentation,
every Harris, Gallup and other poll
we've seen in the past few years in-
dicates that a clear majority of Catholics
favor legal abortion. A 1979 New York
Times/CBS News poll, for example,
found that 69 percent of Protestants
and 64 percent of Catholics agreed that
“the right of a woman to have an abor-
tion should be left entirely to the wom-
an and her doctor.” That doesn’t mean
that the Catholic. respondents would
necessarily undergo an abortion them-
selves but that they believe it shouldn't
be prohibited by law. Which, we think,
only makes sense.

CORPORAL PUNISHMENT

The paddling of public school ch
dren lacks sound sociological, ps
chological or moral foundation Land be;
no po i
cation.

This violent p
as a deterrent ng truancy,
ndalism, disrespect and violence
toward teachers, but the opposite is much
more likely. It becomes a cause instead
of a cu Studenis rebel with these ncg-
tive behaviors as they grow older largely
because of the harsh ning
treatment they h: in the
lower grades. The most likely explana-
tion lor ma Idling in public
schools is that it is convenient for those
who find it necessary to tyrannizc a
voiceless and powerless minority.

"Teachers and principals who b
children and youth, and adm
school-board members and state legisl:
tors who sanction this practice, must be
held fully accountable for the enormous

damage that is being done to children,
to families, to the credibility of the
teaching profession, to the character of
the public schools and to the moral
ity of society.
The Rev. Thomas E. Sagendorf
First United Methodist Church
Zanesville, Ohio

CAPITAL PUNISHMENT

Ive read with interest the numerous
viewpoints on capital punishment ex-
pressed їп The Playboy Forum. 1 have
my own ideas on this subject: but
than try to convert others to my w
thinking, I would like to pose a question.
Why is so much energy spent оп the
criminal? All action, either positive or
negative, seems to be structured. around.
either his elimination or his rehabilita-
tion, On a proportionate b.
much is done to help the
Or. other than life ins
available to the murder. victim's
that no longer has a source of
Rape crisis centers and wel
deed, valuable, Yet, as I perceive things,
given the choice of being a victim or
being a а , I would opt for the
latter.

is, just how
ped woman?
ce, what is

family

Kevin C. Fouts
Laramie, Wyomi

There is one sensible alternative to th
death penalty or long prison sentences.
It would take the combined efforts of
several counu nd entails overcoming
the prejudices of the people. It is exile.
ile to remote сот
where convicted murderers would be too
busy devoting their hostilities toi
survival with little enough time for m.
hem. Australia began as a ре
s the plan for o
Isolated а that would be sui
for this type of venture few because
of our shrinking planet. But some places
still exist. The Amazon jungle, the out-
k of Austra deserted South Sea
Islands, Antarctica and the far-northern
tundra of Alaska and Canada. This idea
is not foolproof. Some convicts would
undoubtedly have the ingenuity to find
a way back into our society. But who's to
say they wouldn't have learned some-
thing or become the better for the ex
рен iencez Most would be stuck with
ival and find no time for

This method seems far mc
to me than being penned in a cell or
fried in a chair. Will this idea ever be
implemented? I doubt it. Our society

humane

has a tendency to igne ightforward
approaches to problems in favor of com-
plicated abstract concepts.

Dennis Lanuing
South Bend, Indian:

rre events of last summer in
a Delaware clergyr on armed-
robbery charges are the final argument

PLAYBOY

“Penalties
against

possession of
a drug should
not be more
damaging to
an individual
than the use

of the drug
itself?

++- Nowhere is this more clear
than in the laws against pos-
session of marijuana in private
for personal use.
... Therefore, I support legis-
lation amending Federal law to
eliminate all Federal criminal
penalties for the possession of
up to one ounce of marijuana”
President Jimmy Carter
Message fo Congress, 8/2/77

Give justice a hand...

Г] YES! Here's my $15 annual member-

ship fec. Send me newsletters, Speci

Reports, Action Alerts, unique product.

offerings. NORMI. button and...more!

O Rush me __NORML Tshirts @ $6,
S.— M. —L. XL Plus 50c
postage & handling.

Send me more information.

NO) National Organization for
the Reform of Marijuana Laws
2317 M Street, NW., Washington, D.C. 20037

against the death penalty. The Rever-
end Bernard T. Pagano had been iden-
tified by seven robbery victims as the man
who demanded money from them at gun-
point, In mid-trial, Ronald Clouser, a
remarkable Pagano lool е, confessed
to the crimes. The judge d
charges against the priest.
The possibility of a misc

justice, compounded by the
nature of the death penalty, continues
to be a sound reason for opposing capi-
tal punishment. Witnesses in a murdei
case can be as dead certain—and thus as
dead wrong—as they were their tes-
timony against Pagano.

James Robison

Arizona State Prison

Florence, Arizona

Robison was sentenced to death for

the 1976 bombing murder of Phoenix
reporter Don Bolles. He and codefend-
ant Max Dunlap were implicated by
the confessed killer, who is serving 20
years through a plea bargain. Both have
maintained their innocence and, after
more than three years on death row,
both have been granted new trials by the
Arizona Supreme Court. Another possi
ble instance of “mistaken identity” is
reported in the “Playboy Casebook” on
pages 62 and 63.

ROOM SERVICE, PRISON STYLE

The debate over Texas’ “three-time
loser,” William James Rummel, has
picked up heat since the U.S. Supreme
Court ruled that his life sentence as a
"habi does not constitute
cruel and unusual pun nt (see
Forum Newsfront, July). Once again,
the Lone Star State’s lawmen have shown
that they like to hang "ет high. Granted,
Rummel is a crook, with several misde-
meanors on along with the three
felonies that put the lid on him: but he
never did physical harm to anyone, never
killed or raped, never even went after
the cash register of a 7-Eleven store with
a Saturday-night special. His crimes were
creditcard theft and check forgery—
ordinary crimes, for which he's now pay-
ing an extraordinary price.

Moral considerations aside, have any
of our tengallon judges taken a few
minutes to figure out how much it will
cost the taxpayers of this state to feed,
cloth. ng his
years in prison? The proceeds from his
three felon $229.11. I expect
his room and board to top that figure be-
lore the week is out.

(Name withheld by request)
San Antonio, Texas

and house Rummel du

es to

GOOD B.S.

I was delighted by the “insult” lev-
cled at departing Iranians by a State
Department official after the U. S. broke
off diplomatic relations. I trust that
Henry Precht, the official involved, got

e response from the be-
leaguered taxpayers of our nation for
finally telling the Iranians what we've
all thought of them for a long time.
What is interesting, though, is how the
papers reported it. The Washington
Post came right out and printed the
word bullshit its account of the
incident. Bravo. The New York Post
avered, then opted for “bull,” call-
ing it a "not very diplomatic term."
Finally, the prissies at The New York
Times referred to Precht'’s remark only
asa nly leaves
a lot of roo aders might
assume Precht told the Iranians to fuck
olf or to go sodomize a camel. You know,
in some Latin countries, insulting an-
other man by telling him to go fuck his
mother can get you killed and no jury
will convict. This is one case where bei
specific (is bullshit obscene or j
gar?) might have been better jou
practice than being so evasive. I haven't
yet seen how Time and Newsweek han-
dled this sticky issue.
John Aldente
New York, New York
Both courageously re ported “bullshit,”
letting the chips fall where they may.

POSTAL PATRON'S REVENGE

Have you ever wanted to leap a
the counter at your local post office and
throttle the zombie who's “waiting” on
you? One of our brave local citizens
came up with a nonviolen native.

It seems our friend missed two issues
of your fine magazine and got to think
ing about how other issues had arrived
tattered and obviously well read. He got
steamed up enough to confront the
postal people but was rather rudely
brushed off with some statement to
the effect that the post office didn't make
mistakes. That tore it. He advised the
postmaster he was holding 16 pieces of
mail delivered to his house by mistake
and that he would surrender the letters
only on receipt of his magazines. Of
course, the postal authorities are now
threatening him with Federal criminal
action, but I think he's made his po
Don't obstruct the U. S. male.

(Name withheld by request)
Dearborn, Michigan

Our gallant reader escaped prosecu.
tion and delivered the hostage letters
personally. The post office even con-
lacled us for a replacement copy of the
magazine

ross

The Playboy Forum” offers the
opportunity for an extended dialog
between readers and editors. of this
publication on contemporary issues. Ad-
dress all correspondence to The Playboy
Forum, Playboy Building, 919 North
Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611

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PLAYBOY INTERVIEW:

WILLIAM SHOCKLEY

a candid conversation with the nobel prize winner—in physics—about his
theories on black inferiority and his donation of sperm for a “super baby”

Fifteen years ago, William Bradford
Shockley went public with his theory
that “retrogressive evolution,” or dys-
genics, was occurring among American
blacks—meaning that less intelligent
blacks were having more children than
those of significantly greater intelligence.
His pronouncement, which amounted to
a claim of black genetic inferiority,
touched perhaps the most painful nerve
that still exists in American society. After
all, this was not a member of the Ku
Klux Klan or the Nazi Party mouthing
racial obscenities but an eminent scien-
list, @ Nobel Prize winner at that, who
was reviving an argument most Ameri-

cans hoped had been forever discredited.

At first, in the wake of the nation's
urban riots, and in the midst of legisla-
tive efforts to rectify past racial injus-
tices, Shockley's theories were discussed
seriously—if scathingly—mainly in. the
scientific community. The public at large
took little heed. For one thing, it was
pointed out in popular accounts, Shock-
ley's 1956 Nobel Prize was for physics—
he helped discover the principles that
made possible the tansistor—so why
should his dabbling in the field of genet-

“IQ. may not necessarily be the best
trait to breed for, but I don’t know of
one that has such a positive correlation
with other high-quality traits—such as
honesty and physical capacity.”

ics be taken seriously?

In addition, when scientists responded,
they did so in such uncharacteristically
abrasive terms—as they continue to do
today—that Shockley's reputation as
some sort of "mad scientist” prevented
any dispassionate public discussion of his
Three professors at Stanford,
where he sought to teach a course in
dysgenics, wrolez “The essentially geno-
cidal policies [Shockley] has seemed to
propose are not only painful for black
people to hear but are abhorrent to all
decent people whatever their skin color.”
The National Academy of Sciences
wrote, "Dr. Shockley's proposals are
based on such simplistic notions of race,
intelligence and ‘human quality as to be
unworthy of serious consideration by a
board of scientists. It is basically
vicious lo evaluate individuals on the
basis of the group to which they belong

But in 1969, Dr. Arthur R. Jensen
weighed in with scholarly and statistical
support for Shockley's dysgenic thesis.
By then, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.,
and Robert Kennedy had both been
felled by assassins. Lyndon Johnson, the
leader of what now seems a naive Great

ideas.

“The major cause for American Negroes
intellectual and soctal deficits is heredi-
tary and racially genetic in origin and
thus nol remediable to a major degree
by improvements in environment.”

Society program, had been replaced by
Richard Nixon. 1f Shockley wasn't quite
respectable, the climate of the nation was
such that at least people would listen to
him—in some cases.

The mind could
from the intricacies of electrical conduc-
lion to the problems of genetic repro-
duction was born in London in 1910.
He graduated from Cal Tech in 1932
and got his Ph.D. at MIT. He worked at
Bell Laboratories from 1936 to 1954 and
it was in that year that he and fellow
scientists John Bardeen and Walter Bral-
tain discovered the principles of the
transistor. The importance of the tran-
sistor was not publicly recognized until
two years later, with the designation of
the Nobel Prize. Shockley acted as presi-
dent of Shockley Transistor Corporation
from 1958 to 1960 and slowly shifted his
attention 10 a and inestimably
more controversial—field.

Bolstered by Jensen's highly publi-
cized article in the Harvard Education-
al Review and subsequent studies, in
which he asserted thal black children
were less capable than white children of
“level H [abstract] reasoning,” and that

man whose range

new.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY LARRY L. LOGAN
“I don’t think the right should be given
equally to everyone to have children,
if those people having them are clearly
destined to produce retarded or defective
children.”

PLAYBOY

blacks as a group scored 15 points below
whites in 1.0). tests, Shockley toured the
country, speaking at colleges on both
coasts, spreading his dysgenic notions
wherever he could find an car—and in
some cases even where he couldn't. He
was often shouted down by militant black
and white students at campuses such as
Brooklyn Polytech, Sacramento State
and Stanford, his home campus. In 1972,
he was denied a request to teach а course
on dysgenics at Stanford on the grounds
that he was not a qualified geneticist, a
charge he has never sufficiently refuted,

Shockley's lifework has been in elec-
tronics and electrical engineering. He is
so highly thought of in those fields that
the Institute of Electrical and Electron-
ics Engineers awarded him its Medal of
Honor and the $10,000 prize that accom-
panies it. In so doing, the LE.E.E. made
it clear it was not endorsing Shockley's
dysgenic views. Writing in the institute's
newsletter, past president Jerome Suran
said, “If there's one person who's had
the most impact on electronics in. this
century, il is Dr. Shockley. However, we
are in no way endorsing or even sympa-
thizing with his efforts in other arcas.

To take on the difficult assignment of
interviewing this contentious, brilliant
scientist, PLAYBOY tapped Syl Jones, а
Minneapolis-based science and medical
writer who has long had an interest in
the man and the subject. He also hap-
pens to be black. We made the assign-
ment before Shockley delivered yet
another public shoch—this опе involv-
ing sperm banks. Here is Jones's report

“I first met Bill Shockley in 15
part of an assignment for Modern Med-
icine magazine. I tracked him down by
telephone and tried to arrange an inter-
view, bul he was extremely difficult.
He'd had bad experiences with reporters
in the past quoting him out of context
or misquoting him altogether. Shockley
lape-records his telephone conversations
and once told me that he and his wife,
Emmy, often analyze the recordings over
dinner. He had turned down many re-
porters on the grounds that they were
nol competent to understand his theo-
ries. By the lime I reached him with my
request, I was fully prepared. I had read
almost everything that had been written
by and about Shockley and his theories.

“He was pleased that I knew some-
thing about him but demanded that I
study his theories and submit to а series
of telephone quizzes before he would
agree lo an interview. These qu al-
most always involved fairly complicated
mathemalical analyses of statistics de-
signed by Shockley in support of his
theories. After a few weeks of this grill-
ing, he agreed that I was competent to
interview him.

“Bul there was still more. He wanted

personal information on my background.
Where had 1 been born? Where had I
gone to school? How many brothers and
sisters did I have? Long before this
point in the process, most other report-
ers had written Shockley off as a kook
and had given up. I was tempted to do
the same. But something intrigued me:
Never once did he ask my race or make
any kind of racist remark, and he had no
idea I was black. I didn’t tell him, be-
cause I was hoping for a confrontation.
In October 1971, I got my wish.

“When a white photographer and I
showed up at Stanford for the interview,
Shockley instinctively reached to shake
the photographer's hand with the greet-
ing, ‘Hello, Mr. Jone:
guess that seemed almost to stagger him.
Obviously stunned by my black
insisted that I submit to one final test,
concocted on the spur of the moment,
concerning the application of the Py-
thagorean theorem to some now-long-
forgotten part of his dysgenic thesis.
Somehow, I came up with a satisfactory
explanation, and Shockley had no choice
but to grant me the interview. Since that

I was a wrong

ness, he

“The standard questions
are, ‘Where are these
sperm banks going to go?’
and Tsn't this what
Hitler tried? ^

day, he has consistently viewed me as
“the exception that proves the rule’ of
black inferiority, a designation that he,
in all innocence, believes is Irue.

“For the ‘Playboy Interview, Shockley
and I met three times, twice at his home
and office on the Stanford campus in
Palo Alto Minneapolis
Shortly before the second session, Shock-
ley called my home and left a message
that he wanted to speak with me. 1 tried
calling back, but no one answered. A
day later, Shockley was off on another
adventure: In 1977, he had responded
positively 10 a request from Dr. Robert
Graham, eyeglass entrepreneur and stu-
dent of eugenics, to donate sperm to the
newly formed Hermann Muller reposi-
lory, named in honor of the Marxist ge-
netieist. In February 1980, he made that
donation public in a story first published
in the Los Angeles Times. Shockley had
called me the night before his revelation
to ask if I thought he should tell the
world. Manchester Union Leader pub-
lisher William Loeb, a close personal
associale of Shockley's, advised him to
release the information; his lawyer ad-

and onte in

vised against it, and even Graham
thought it a bad idea to mention any of
the Nobelists by name. But now Shock-
ley himself seemed eager to be before
the public eye.

“The media's reactions to Shockley’s
revelation have been resoundingly nega-
tive. But he insists that hasn't bothered
him one bit. His purpose in telling the
world about this incident was to get an-
other forum for discussing ‘human quali-
ty’ problems.

The main points to keep in mind
while reading this interview are:

“1, Historically, blacks as a group have

scored 15 points lower than whites on
1.0. tests. But, Shockley's evidence to
the contrary, there is still no general
agreement that 1.0. tests measure raw
intelligence.
Shockley believes that the 15-
point difference is primarily reflective of
a basic genetic inferiority on the part of
all blacks, whether American or not.

3. Critics of Shockley say he is per-
werting science for his own racist, politi-
cal reasons and that he is only the most
recent link in a long chain of scientific
s.

Shockley claims that low-LQ. in-
dividuals are responsible for lowering
the average 1.Q. of society, a phenom
non he has dubbed the ‘dysgenic threa
To combat that threat, he has proposed
the provocative Voluntary Sterilization
Bonus Plan as а ‘thinking exercise; the
details of which are revealed here.

“And, finally, anthropologist. Claude
Levi-Strauss, wriling in Society magazine,
expressed some thoughts that may help
place this interview in ils proper context
Speaking of the futility embodied in the
search for truth in the social sciences,
where the data are often soft, he said:
“But if we ате able to make even some
limited progress toward wisdom, then we
may Бе... more ready to resign our-
selves to the general truth that science
will remain forever incomplete.”

PLAYBOY: In February of this year, Dr
Shockley, you revealed to the world your
participation Dr. Robert. Graham's
ate sperm bank, You have
donated your sperm to Dr. Graham’s re-
itory and have admitted your partici
publicly. The news media reacted
to your admission with both shock and
ridicule, so let's start by discussing that

obe

SHOCKLEY: Shall I give you the stand.
questions?

PLAYBOY: If you like.

SHOCKLEY: The standard questions are.

“Where are these sperm banks going to
2" and "What's the objective in trying
to produce a su e2" and “Isn't this
what Hider tri nd “Who are yon
to be donating your sperm?" and other
questions of that sort.
PLAYBOY: Lets double bi

k to those

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questions and start with our own. How
did you get involved in this Super Baby
experiment?

SHOCKLEY: I don't call it a Super Baby
experiment and I object to your doing
so.

PLAYBOY: "Thats not our term;
newspaper in the country has called it

ever

that.
SHOCKLEY: Well, that is clearly a misrep-
resentation of my purpose in participat-

ing in Graham's program.

PLAYBOY: Fine. What was your purpose
n offering your sperm to Graham's re-
pository?

SHOCKLEY: Let's get this straight. I didn't
offer. I responded to Graham's request.
In 1965, I was in the news after express-
ing worries that the genctic quality of
our population might be declining. My

first contacts with Graham occurred
shortly afterward, in 1966. Graham had
started even then to canvass some of the

Nobel laureates about the prospects of
contributing sperm to a proposed re
pository. The actual opportunity to
contribute came my way some 12 у
Tat Also, in 1965, I had met a m
who had already made the decision, with
his wife, to seek a highly qualified sperm
donor in order to improve the probable
quality of his children. His wife shared
his views on the matter.. To my way of
thinking, they are a very rare i
having come independently to this de-
cision to scck out a sperm donor.
PLAYBOY: Wasn't that an unnatural
e?

SHOCKLEY: I agree that the idea seemed
unnatural, but this man's arguments
stood up very well. He was an unassu
ng fellow and not particularly impres-
sive, but the more you listened to him,
the more sense he seemed to be making.
He said, “I don't expect to do ever
thing for my child. 1 propose to teach
lues and to love him and
to care for him. And I want him, or
her, to have the greatest. possible oppor-
tunity in life. If somebody can furnish
sperm that gives a greater likelihood of
success to my child than 1 would be
able to give, then I'd have no qualms
about ging for a donor." What he
said all hung together.

PLAYBOY: Maybe so, but you'll have to
admit it’s a minority opinion.

SHOCKLEY: I don't see that a minority
ion should be regarded as ап ad-
verse thing. I'm sure that as a black
writer, you carry a certain number of
these yourself, And Einstein carried
some for quite a while, too.

PLAYBOY: Lets get back to how this
whole thing began. We're trying to un-
derstand how you bring up a subject like
donating your sperm to a repository.
Did you and Graham sit down and hash
it out over drinks, or what?

SHOCKLEY: This wasn't exactly a new

ars

idea. Graham had been in contact with
Hermann Muller, the Marxist geneticist.
nd this was actually Muller's idea,
which he proposed long ago. | really
don't know the history. Graham knows
such things much better than I do.
PLAYBOY: What was the general reaction
when Muller proposed it?

SHOCKLEY: Muller came in for a great
deal of castigation. He made the al
error ol trying to draw up a list of
people he considered. ор
which.

mum donors,
neluded some people who lat
ended up looking pretty unattractive.
PLAYBOY: Such as?

SHOCKLEY: I've forgotten who they were.
Whether he had Karl Marx or Lenin or
somebody else in there, I'm not sure
PLAYBOY: Graham got involved because
he knew Muller? What was his interest
in something like this, which is outside
his field?

SHOCKLEY: Graham's interest. in the d
E quality of people goes back at
least to the Sixties, when he wrote
book called The Future o[ Man. He did
studies of what went on during the
French. Revolution and the elimination
of the elite cl which probably

lass,

“By and large, Mensa mem-
bers have nothing going for
them aside from a high
performance on I.Q. tests.”

—— ———

removed some of the brilliant people of
France. I don't know that one can say
France has significantly less intellectual
potential now than it did before the
Revolution, but this is what some of
Graham's studies were concerned with.
Anyway, Graham had for some time been
urging more intelligent people to have
more children. We had talked about
these things and my concern about pos-
sible downbreeding, or dysgenics, struck
a responsive chord in him. T knew about
his plans for a sperm bank and when it
was set up, T had no particular problem
in making a decision. This all happened
about 1977, I believe.

PLAYBOY: How many other Nobel |;
reates have donated their sperm to that
repository?

SHOCKLEY: To the best of my knowledge,
there have been two others. The re-
bry contains sperm from five in-
two of whom I don't know

anything about—but they are there for
some reason of Graham's, which I have
not explored.

PLAYBOY: Three women have already
been inseminated, according to press

reports. How were those women chosen?
SHOCKLEY: Graham has been advertising
for women in a publication sponsored
by the Mensa Society. Mensa is a group
of individuals who all have LQ.s in the
top two percent. But neither
nor I regard. the Mensa popul:
being an ideal group. We both have the
otion that, by and large, Mensa mem-
bers have nothing going for them to
speak of aside from a high performance
on 1.Q. tests.

PLAYBOY: But isn't that what you're look.
ing for? High LQ. as an indication of

ham is looking lor creative

people.
PLAYBOY: Creative people? Why Nobel

laureate donors, then? Why not a
writers or actor
SHOCKLEY: The Nobel
said to be more distinguished in terms
of creativity than in terms of LQ. Ce
tainly, they are distinguished їп both
'egories but far more so in the crea
tivity area.

PLAYBOY: We'll get back to the matter of
creativity shortly: but first, did it con-
cern you that new cvidence suggests
athers over the age of 35—and not just
mothers, as was previously thought
contribute to a higher incidence of hirth
defects, such as Mongolism or Down's
syndrome?

SHOCKLEY: I heard that one for the first
time from a newsman after the sperm-
bank story broke. One urologist acquaint-
ance of mine searched his references
and found nothing. Since then, I have
heard more about the possible problem
with Down's syndrome or Mongolisn
That problem can be identified so early
in pregnancy by amniocentesis that abor-
tion is an appropriate course.

PLAYBOY: You say your medical friend
found nothing in his reference? We
found the following quote from the An-
nals of Human Genetics of Great Britai
"Recent cytogenic evidence has shown
оту 21 [Down's syndrome] can
rhaps even in substantial propor-
tions from paternal nondisjunction. The
evidence is that these cases of. paternal
nondisjunction occur more frequently
men over the age of 35." Don't you think
you should have done more rescarch into
these things before you donated your
sperm at the age of 70 10 father a child?
SHOCKLEY: No. I had confidence that Dr.
Graham was in touch with medical ex-
perts who had given him good advice.
So I felt this was a responsibility I could
turn over to qualified experts. One can-
not undertake all responsibilities. Be-
sides, this question exhibits complete
ignorance as to what Graham's program
is. No one who participates in this pro-
gram is going to be retarded. Partici-
pants must have a high LQ., and if you

tists,

ıreates can be

cai

have a high LQ. by every definition
you're not retarded.

PLAYBOY: We're not asking whether a
participant is retarded—obviously, yo
not. We're asking about your potential
genetic contribution to Down's syn
drome because of your age.

SHOCKLEY: There is no gene for Down's
syndrome.

PLAYBOY: We're aware of that. Again, is
it possible that some people of certain
ages, including you, might be more pre-
disposed to contribute to the genetic
malfunction that causes the syndrome?
SHOCKLEY [annoyed, challenging]: What
does trisomy mean?

PLAYBOY: It means there are three X
chromosomes instead of two. Chromo-
somes usually come in pairs. The extra
X is what causes the syndrome.

SHOCKLEY: That's correct.

PLAYBOY: Our point—and we must insist
on making it—is that in some cases, that
extra X. chromosome is contributed by
the father. These are usually men over
the age of 35. Why doesn't that possibil-
ity concern you?

SHOCKLEY: There is a tendency for pater-
nal nondisjunction to increase with age,
but nothing you've said so far about this
has been very specific. You said that it is
more likely above the age of 35. How
much more likely? Twice as likely?
PLAYBOY: We're not certain. But we're
not donating our sperm to a sperm bank,
either,

SHOCKLEY: But if you're going to a
questions like this, don’t you think you
should h:
whether these quest
the literature?
PLAYBOY: It's you who isn't addressing
the question. The fact is, at least some
researchers think the tendency to cor
tribute that extra chromosome actually
decelerates alter the age of 45. We've
pressed the point because we find it hard
to believe a man in your position didn't
research this.

SHOCKLEY: Well, there is
this. Sperm that has been tl
liquid-nitrogen treatment be less
defective than sperm that has not. This
treatment immobilizes the sperm so i
can be stored almost indefinitely. A news
report triggered by the sperm-bank rev-
elation points out that the incidence
of defective sperm or of spontaneous
bortions is reduced by a factor of three
or four after this special liquid nitrogen
treatment.

ve done research to find out

ions are answered in

noth

PLAYBOY: Some people may not know
how sperm is donated. Tell us how you
did it.

SHOCKLEY: It is an abnormal male who at

one time or another his life has not
masturbated, and this is one of the
dard methods, There are also special
condoms prepared for this purpose.
These avoid the presence of sulphur,
h exists in ordinary rubber and has

a spermicidal effect.

PLAYBOY: All right, going back to the
topics of creativity and intelligence:
"They may be important, but aren't there
other positive traits society is in need of?
Such as intuition, physical strength,
honesty? And how arc those related to
high LQ?

SHOCKLEY: "There is definite positive cor-
relation between practically any high-
quality human trait and LQ. A number
of these things, induding honesty, re-
sistance to temptation to cheat on tests
and physical capacity, in high-L.Q. chil-
dren, compared in a positive way with
their contemporaries. Now, this doesn't
mean that LQ. necessarily is the best
trait to breed for, but I don't know of
any other trait th such a highly
positive correlation. There are other
sperm banks where you can specify
things like h: «olor, eye color and
height. I'm not sure if you get informa-
tion about the donor's educational at
tainment or LQ. But I have nothing
against these other traits you mentioned.
It's just that in selecting for high T.Q.,
you are likely to get these other things
anyway.

PLAYBOY: Your bias is definitely toward
the intelligentsia, isn't it?

SHOCKLEY: It takes many good traits to
make a good socicty, and if we were able
to isolate these traits and prove that
they were heritable, then it would be
good to select for these values. It might
be very attractive to set up specialized
sperm banks for that purpose, but ob-
viously, you couldn't get too specialized.
One could not set up a sperm bank that
would be intended to select people with
a high inclination to become celibate
priests, for example. This characteristic
would have eliminated itself from the
gene pool, assuming it could be shown
to be heritable.

PLAYBOY: How do you define creativity?
SHOCKLEY: The Nobel committee is essen-
tially looking for discoveries and inven-
tions "of greatest benefit to mankind,”
that occurred in the recent past. So if
mine that, you find that onc
ion of creativity might be the
creation and delivery of something new
and valuable, Nobel laureates in science
certainly meet those standards.
PLAYBOY: As to the three women who
ready have been inseminated

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SHOCKLEY: When I last spoke with Gra-
ham, it was not known if any of these
women had yet become pregnant
PLAYBOY: Newspapers reported that the
women were due to deliver this year.
SHOCKLEY: I've seen such news stor
too. I am not aware that they have any
basis in fact.

PLAYBOY: Odds are that at least one will
get pregnant. Let's assume you're the
father. Are you going to know who the
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SHOCKLEY: The arrangement is that Gra-
ham knows everything on both sides
and neither side knows anything about
the other side.

PLAYBOY: ht this situation create
some psychological problems for the
child?

SHOCKLEY: It might. But I wouldn't think
any more than adoption would. 1
think the child would be better
to have an objective view of the si
tion than an ordinary child would.
thermore, there is the other side of this,
which speaks to the fact that we are not
trying to produce a superrace. I might
point out here that before I even al
lowed my пате to be linked with this

also
ble

intelligent, productive, creative people.
Iso went on to say that my emphasis
is on reducing the human misery that
may be developing at the bottom end of
the 1.Q. distribution. And I tried then
to emphasize the diflerence in the dis
tinction between these two positive in
fluences on human quality; namely, the
positive eugenics that Graham is talking
about and the antidysgenics that I have
been emphasizing.

PLAYBOY: If the genetic theory behind
this idea really worked, wouldn't we be
able to judge the success of it by looking
at the children Nobel laureates have al-
ready produced, for example?

SHOCKLEY: Yt ad there was a famous
study done on this back in the Twenties
by Lewis M. Terman. He picked 1000
children from the Califor schools who
were in the top one percent of the LQ.
distribution. Then this so-called gifted
group was followed for about 35 years.
At the end of that time, they had about
2600 children. Terman's project was
able to measure 1.Q,5 of 1500 of thes
The median 1.Q. of those children
about 135. I made drawings show
how well these LQ.s fit the pattern of
normal distribution for the al pop.
And not one of these 1500
fell into what is known as
mental retardation—that's. re-

t results from the tail of
stribution. Actually, there
e ded children in this group
of 1500, but these included Mongoloids
and other children with physiological

problems.
PLAYBOY: What about your own childr
How did they turn out?

SHOCKLEY: In terms of my own capacities,
my children represent a very significant
regression. My first wife—their mothe
had not as high an academicachievement
standing as I had. Two of my three chi
dren have graduated from college

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daughter from Radcliffe and my young-
er son from Stanford. He graduated not
with the highest order ol ademic dis-
tinction but in the second order as a
physics major, and has obtained a Ph.D.
in physics. In some ways, I think the
choice of physics may be unfortunate
for him, becau a name that he
will probably be unlikely to live up to.
The elder son isa college dropout.
PLAYBOY: Do you see your children very
often?
SHOCKLEY: Not very often. No.
PLAYBOY: Do they know about your ac-
tivities?
SHOCKLEY: My daughter perhaps knows
more than the others of my activities in
these arcas. But as far as my sons arc
concerned, it's mainly the things they
see in the papers.
PLAYBOY: Incidentally, what's your 1.Q.?
SHOCKLEY: I don't know.
PLAYBOY: You've never known your 1.Q?
SHOCKLEY: I had 1.0). tests made by Ter-
man in connection with the gifted-
children study when I was about ten.
Then my LQ. was about 130.
PLAYBOY: So you were actually part o£ the
Terman gifted-children study.
SHOCKLEY: I was not accepted for the
"Terman study, because my LQ. was not
high enough. Terman missed two Nobel
laureates; I was one, Luis Alvarez of
Berkeley was another. We were both
tested [or this progr
PLAYBOY: What wa:
in terms of LQ?
SHOCKLEY: І think 135 or over. I suspect
my 1.0. is higher than that by now, but
I have not done a test on it.
PLAYBOY: Do 1.Q.s improve with age?
SHOCKLEY: There have been cases in
which there has been marked. improve-
ment of LQ. over the years. I have heard.
that. Einstein not bright stu-
dent in his early years. I'm mot sure
what his 1.Q. was in his adult life, but I
would be rather surprised if it weren't
quite high
PLAYBOY: What are your children's 1.Q.s?
Do you have any idea?
SHOCKLEY: No. I don't.
PLAYBOY: What about your parents?
SHOCKLEY: an m ired my mother
and, as I recall, it was abov
PLAYBOY: To come back to G
periment in breeding, what's the value
of not to add more knowledge about
the effects of this kind of eugenics?
SHOCKLEY: I consider the real experiment
to be sociological, and that experiment
accelerated by the publicity
surrounding the Nobelist sperm bank.
PLAYBOY: Now that the reactions have
are you sorry it was tried?
all. There has been a
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PLAYBOY: Dark Ages dogmatism? That's
strong language.
SHOCKLEY: The evidence for Dark Ages
dogmatisin is found in press reports of
terviews with scientists about the
spem bank. These suggest emotional
judgments rather than reason. Most em-
inent scientists, including Nobelists,
have condemned Graham's program
with the words weird, pretty silly bio-
i ridiculous, ethically
and morally repulsive.
PLAYBOY: So much for the inherent intel-
ligence of Nobelists, right?
SHOCKLEY: 1 think these reports suggest
that sperm recipients may be hood-
winked into thinking that genius babies
guaranteed. Dogmatism won a KO
decision over science in one report sug-
gesting that a child's mental endowment
would be completely uninflucnced by
the father’s own mental powers, The
Dark Ages dogmatism suggested by these
reports would, if transferred. from man
to horses, amount to saying that breeders
of race horses have all been hoodwinked
when paying the stud fees demanded for
Kentucky Derby winners.
PLAYBOY: Yes. the general reaction of the
press to the whole idea of “intelligent
sperm” has been devastatingly negative.
Columnist Ellen Goodman accused. you
of conceit and we're wondering: Is it
possible you're on an ego trip, trying to
play superstud, just to get the resulting
publicity?
SHOCKLEY: That comment two
issues. ТЇЇ dispose of the ego-trip aspect
first. After Phil Donahue introduced me
to his audience a few months ago, I
thanked him for not bringing up the
superman issue. To put it in perspective,
I rose to my full 5'6" height, removed
my jacket, turned a full circle and
explained that a superman description
would need to be expressed as "super-
man plus 20 pounds.”
PLAYBOY: Th
it doesn't answer the question. The fact
is, this revelation of your participation
in the sperm bank brought you a
great deal of publicity. It seems to us
you may have planned it that way.
SHOCKLEY: No, I acted on the spur of the
moment in making the donation. But I
deliberated and consulted. as you know,
before deciding to identify myself as а
sperm-bank donor. Furthermore, I in-
sisted that the original sperm-bank story
in the L.A. Times quote me
that I didn't think of myself
perfect human being or the ideal donor,
nd also that, although I supported
Graham's positive eugenics aim of more
people at the top of the population, my
own focus is on reducing the misery at
the bottom. By these statements, I laid a
foundation for emphasizing the dysgenic
threat when subsequently interviewed
about the sperm bank. The results have
been rewarding to me.

PLAYBOY: Why is it so important to you
to talk about the so-called bottom of the
population? And what people are at the
bottom, in your opinion?

SHOCKLEY: It's important to me because
of the tragedy at the bottom end of
the population, which is particularly se-
yere for the blacks, but also probably
occurs for the chicano population—may-
be to a comparable degree—though T
am not as conversant with the chicano
case. The seme thing probably occurs
for some Appalachian whites. What I'm
talking about here is poverty, crime, un-
employment and a host of other human
miseries that impose heavy burdens on
society and bear most heavily on the
babies who are born into suffering as a
result of this misery.

PLAYBOY: What about these so-called
human-quality problems? You have re-
peatedly said that the quality of the
human race is declining in this country
because “society is not doing enough
research into the genctic factors that
make people what they are.” What
caused you to make that observatio,
SHOCKLEY: One key incident in 1963

—
“This teenager was one of
17 children born to a woman
whose I.Q was 55. I asked
myself what people I knew
who had families that large.
I could think of none."

€———————————MÀ1.

stands out. It involved a San Francisco
delicatessen proprietor who was blinded,
or nearly blinded, by an acid-throwing
teenager with an LQ. of 65. This teen-
ager was one of 17 children born to a
woman whose I.Q. was 55. 1 asked myself
what people I knew who had families
that large. T could think of none. Ap-
ently, these large families were those
of people who were not making it in our
society, so that those with the least intel-
ligence were having the most children.
"Ehe more I talked to people about this,
the more alarmed I became. No one was
willing to look at this subject objectively.
dispassionately. This is what drew me
into the whole question of dysgenics, or
retrogressive evolution.

PLAYBOY: Why focus on some acid-throw-
ing teenager who happens to be black?
The majority of mass murderers in this
country have been white and mot ай
have been low-LQ. morons. Hitler ap-
parently had a high 1.Q. What does that
suggest to you?

SHOCKLEY: It suggests that any trait,
either extremely good or extremely bad,
would be highly enhanced by a high

T.Q., because the individual having that
high 1.Q. would possess general abilities
to get things done.

PLAYBOY: But it scems to us you emphs
size that anecdote about the black teen-
ager more than any other. Why?
SHOCKLEY: He was in California at the
time, a time when I was involved in
considering the question of whether the
abortion laws should have been liberal-
ized. He came from a rather Fami-
ly of relatively ineffective people. His
crime made the news, of course, and
my attention was drawn toward him as
an example of problem makers multi-
plying faster than problem solvers. It
accidental circumstance
into focus for me.
PLAYBOY: All right. let's define dysgenics.
SHOCKLEY: It's an important word to get
into the vocabulary of the public.
Dysgenics is evolution without progress,

was simply an
that brought t

retrogressive evolution, which decreases
the quality of the species. It is caused
by the excessive reproduction of the

genetically disadvantaged. In 1967, in
Sex Versus Civilization, demographer
Elmer Pendell proposed that civiliza-
tions decline because problem makers
multiply in greater percentage than
problem solvers. This is what 1 fear is
happening to intelligence in our society.
PLAYBOY: Is that just your opinion or do
you have facts to support i?

$носкшү. The 17 children of the low-
LQ. mother are one example. The fact
that she was black warns that the dys-
genic threat is most severe for blacks,
and statistics Irom the 1970 census back
up this conclusion. When socioeconomic
classes are listed, college graduates come
near the top and rural farm families
near the bottom. Black rural farm wom-
erage 5.4 children, nearly three

times as many as the 1.9 for black wom-
cn college graduates. Now. on the aver-
age, the woman who graduates from

college has a bener brain, for hereditary
and genetic reasons—one more suited
to education—than does the rural farm
woman. And 1.9 children per woman is
not enough to maintain that part of the
population. It looks as if the numbers
of problem solvers of the black minor-
ity may be decreasing. As for the prob-
lem makers, I have heard at least two
anecdotal stories from responsible ob-
servers about women who have said they
would have babies to increase their re-
lief income. But 1 have found no good
published evaluation of this matter. Опе
sociologist has written that the percent
of Aid to Families with Dependent Chi
dren (AFDC) that goes to parents whose
parents in their turn were AFDC recip-
ients has doubled twice from five to te
to 20 percent in the past 20 years, If
something doubles every ten years for
а century, it will become 1000 times
larger—an à prospect

PLAYBOY: But the comparatively rapid

If it

comes from Saronno, it must
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For our little town is where it
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first created.

Which is why, here in
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with love. We still make our ex-
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for centuries. We allow the
flavor to develop slowly, until it
is soft and subtle and mysterious.
We do not rush things along, we
take our time. When it comes to
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You can experience the re-
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or in a delightful mixed drink. It
is truly said that with love, any-
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But be sure that what you
are drinking is the original —
| AmarettodiSaronno. For if it
comes from Saronno, it is the
real thing. If it doesn't come from
Saronno, who knows what it is?

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From the Village of Love.

PLAYBOY

social advancement of blacks during the

when some of the art
environmental barriers that impeded
progress were removed, proves the fal
Ly of your dysgenic analy
SHOCKLEY: Blacks have caught up with
whites to a substantial degree during
that time. But, as Dr. Arthur R. Jensen’s
new book documents, the incidence of
mental retardation for black children
in school has not decreased as it should
if theories about better education due
to integration were working out. The
socioeconomic gains of blacks compared.
with whites eliminated about one third
of the deficit in family incomes.
PLAYBOY: That's not truc. The gap in
incomes between blacks and. whites has
actually grown because of inflation's
effect on the doll;
SHOCKLEY: My analysis used what I have
called an offset method based on p
centages of black and white families
matched income ranges. The dollar
values are not used. What I find is that
the gains all occurred between 1955 and
1969 and after that, progress stopped.
Is dysgenics involved? It's something to
worry about.

PLAYBOY. Isn't the answer to this to
spend more for remedial education and
job waining, instead of conjuring up
the “dysgenic threat"?

SHOCKLEY: If environmental efforts now
being put forth are not at an optimum
they should be increased. But that
s should not continue to prevent
If genetic

emph:
research on genetic factors.

are involved, then futu yers
will suffer from this dysgenic trend. But
those who will suffer most are the babies
born to these famili bies who may
be so genetically disadvantaged that they
can't escape from these ba
ments. In effect, they
enslaved to a life of frust
tion that might well be asl
ample, Are fertility rates, like the 5.4
children for rural black
even higher in city slums? I have not
found a penetrating study on what may
be the root cause of urban decay. Nobly
motivated nism that pre-
vents objective studies’ being done on
these tragic matters, which allect whites
as well as blacks,
that has gone berserk. One question that
I've mentioned is whether wi e moth-
ers have babies to increase their income.
Berserk humanitarianism may put
boos on such research. I once asked an
investigative reporter to do some re-
search on this subject through the Wel-
e Department. He was unable to
complete his report due to the Welfare
Departments uncooperative efforts.
They evidently felt this was a taboo
subject.

PLAYBOY: But the bulk of evidence you
on this subject

and others bring to bes

of black intellectual inferiority comes
from 1.0), testing, does it not? And isn't
it a known fact that the black n
in this country has suffered
of social neglect, abuse and pov
of which is reason enough to expect
low performances on 1.Q. tests.
SHOCKLEY: But these environmental defi-
cits don't explain the details of the
tragedy. One of the standard erroneous
representations about my position i
“Dr. Shockley says Negroes have lower
scores on LQ. tests and therefore are ra-
cially inferior." That is an entirely in-
accurate statement, setting up a straw
man that can easily be knocked down.
My opinion is best represented in this
statement: My research leads me ines-
capably to the opinion that the major
cause for the American Negroes’ intel-
lectual and social deficits is hereditary
and racially genetic n and thus
not remediable to a major degree by
practical improvements in environment.
‘That statement is based upon
that puts together a whole patte
thin;
One example concerns components
of the LQ. test and not simply the total

——
“The incidence of mental
retardation for black
children has not decreased
as it should if theories
about better education
due to integration were

working out.”

scores. A significint example is supplied
by studies done under the direction of
Gerald Lesser at Harvard, He went into
the New York school system and tested
students who were white, black, Chinese,
Puerto Rican and Jewish. His LQ. test
was divided i

to four components, The
most striking findings, from the point of
view of my interests, concern the com-
ponent of the test on which almost all
sociologists would say that blacks would
perform worst because of cultural dis-
advantages; namely, the verbal part.
Actually, the. verbal component. turns
out to be the part on which black сї
dren score highest. On the other hand,
the components that involve analyti
reasoning—even things that involve
today reasoning, like how many
nies are

pen-
a nickel—on those things,
the blacks are more retarded than whites
of their age group. In other tests, this

same pattern of retardation has been
nc out, In other words, black chil-
dren don't have much comparative trou-
ble with questions like, Who discovered

An a? and Who wrote Romeo and
Juliet? But they do have problems with

^ things like, Which way is west? and How

many days are in a week?

PLAYBOY: In other words, things that re-
quire noegenetic reasoning are more
troublesome for blacks. ‘Is that what
you're saying?

SHOCKLEY: What does noegenetic mean?
PLAYBOY: It's a term developed by
Charles Spearman that refers to the ap-
plication of eductive or inductive rea-
soning.

SHOCKLEY: You mean something that in-
volves the use of cognitive skills?
PLAYBOY: Right.

SHOCKLEY: Yes, these tend to be more
troublesome. Another kind of test stands
out in my mind, and this one has be
documented by Jensen in one of his
books. It's a test of memo
ty done on white and bl.
the California schools.
shown a set of 20 fa

The
objects. such
as a ball, a book, a brush, a toy car—

child is

а time. Then the child tri
5 many as possible. This is called
a free-recall test. At this stage of the test,
there is no difference between the black
and white children on performance. By
the filth time the children went through
it became obvious that the
white children were remembering better
The reason for better. perform-
е children. as
d, were mentally
ng the items into a group of
balls, a group of books, and so on. as
an aid to memorization. Black children
apt to do this or to do
as good a jobat it as were whites.
PLAYBOY: You said these items were com-
mon to the children’s environments.
Were they two separate groups of items,
one for black children and one for
white children?

SHOCKLEY: In Jensen's California exper
ment, they were objects that аге com-
mon both to Richmond, California, and
to Berkeley.

PLAYBOY: But that assumes that the white

their

children and the black children in that
part of California live im the same
environment.

SHOCKLEY: Still, the р t that on the
first few rounds of the test, the two
racial groups showed negligible differ-
ences in the performance. Hence, one
concludes that the items were equally
familiar to both groups. Otherwise, why
should the performance have been so
nearly equal?

PLAYBOY: You conclude,
SHOCKLEY: That

then, d
the difference in
formance is in the processing of the in-
formation, which requires cognitive skill,
rather than in the familiarity of the
items.

PLAYBOY: The subject of the relevancy
of LQ. testing debated end-
lessly and may never be resolved. But
getting back to this dysgenic-threat thesis

per-

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of yours, it’s fair to point out that your
theories have been aimed for the most
part at black Americans, whom you
have labeled genetically
group. In fact, you called this “The
National Negro Tragedy.” What is your
motive in using such inflammatory
terms?

SHOCKLEY: I don't know where you got
that Na Negro Tragedy plu
l's not mine and doesn't convey my
position. The phrase that 1 now use is

The Tragedy for American Negroes. My
emphasis is on the tragedy for ihe
Negroes themselves arising from their
apita representation in sti

poverty, welfare, educational

d crimes. The relief. burden

‘lated to these statistics could be called
a National Negro Tragedy if the inte
is to focus upon the concerns of
paying citizens. But that is an unfair
locus. I believe society has a moral
obligation to diagnose the tragedy for
American Negroes of their statistical
LQ. deficit. Furthermore, this is a world-
wide wagedy. and in my opinion. the
evidence is unmistakable that there is a
basic, across-the-board genetic disadvan-
tage in terms of capacity to develop i

telligence and build societies on the part
Negro

of the races throu the

hout

e. Let's boil that
a a bit. At the nub of what you're
saying is the belief that blacks are
ferior, right?

SHOCKLEY: If you. personally. were rep-
resentative of the Negro population
as a rather than belonging to
Lord knows how high a top-level frac-
tion of it, then we wouldn't have these
troubles, There are many individual ex-
ceptions, of course, as 1 have said many
times. What disturbs me most about this
situation is that black people are going
to suffer most because of their disad-
vantages. The real losers are going to
be the genetically disadvantaged babies.
esult from. what
Ive tried to emphasize by calling it an
shake from a badly loaded pa-
rental genetic dice cup.

PLAYBOY: That's colorful, but what does
it mean?
SHOCKLEY: Actually
baby got a genetic five-card poker hand
that was drawn not from full deck
but from a ten-card deck made up of the
two hands holding the genetic cards of

s more as if the

the parents. If both parents had high
hands, for example, each containing
four of a kind, the chance of the

g two pairs or, even better,
‚ would be pretty good and
the worst possible draw would be one
pair. This oversimplified genetic expl
nation suggests how high-LQ. parents
will tend to produce not-quiteso-high-
1.Q. children, while sometimes produc

baby's getti
a full house

ing a dumb one. Sometimes parents
blame themselves when one child falls
far below his sibling in making grades.
Actually, genetic models predict that in
about ten percent of all two-child fami-
lies, the I.Q.s of the children will differ
by 20 LQ. points or more. Knowledge
of this fact might keep some parents
from trying to push the slower child
beyond his capacity, which may do the
child far more harm than good. At the
other extreme, if the parental ten-card
deck is composed of two worthless four-
card flushes, both in the same suit, one
child in 20 would have a good chance of
being a high-value flush. This suggests
how a single, highly gifted child may
show up in a large family even though
all the other children are below average.
PLAYBOY: If such a tragedy exists—and
you yourself have pointed out that only
50 percent of the people you've talked
with will admit that there is a tragedy
for American blacks—doesn't it have as
much to do with the white power struc-
ture in this country as anything else?

The dy" could not exist
vacuum.
SHOCKLEY: Let me put my thoughts im

———
"I believe society hasa
moral obligation to
diagnose the tragedy for
American Negroes of their
statistical I.Q. deficit.”
—

perspective. A similar sort of tragedy

inly exists in Africa in terms of
as where planning has been
inadequate. One aspect of the tragedy
in America, which seems to me to be
hard to blame on the white power
structure, is the tragedy of the black
spouse-killingspouse homicide rate. If
this is caused by frustration due to the
belief that blacks have been treated а
fairly—as the general prevailing socio-

y. wid
spread resentment could exist and more
instability could lead to al qui

My research on statistics shows that the
spouse killing spouse mortality is
about 13 times higher per capita for the
blacks than for whites, I don't believe

the same thing occurred with the Amer-
ican Orientals at the time the pow
structure was saying that they couldn't
buy houses in the same area as other
people in California, back during World
War Two.

PLAYBOY: Certainly, you're not compa
ing the history of Oriental Americans
with that of black Ameri Blacks

have been е
generations.

SHOCKLEY: I'm not convinced
takes even one generation to adapt to
changes from situations that have lasted
for many generations. I know a man—
an Aztec Indian—whose family һай

ploied in Amo

that it

been out of touch with white civiliza-

I think, 100 or 200 years. TI
fellow had never had any experience
with things that dealt modern
technology and his father had been en-
slaved. He came from a culture of blow-
in and Stone Age level, isolated from
modern civilization. He didnt enter
school until the age of ten, yet at 21 he
had acquired an electrical-engincering
BS. and a physics M.S. His br

successful journalist їп Me

tion for

with

City.
This example supports my conviction

ico

mtastic cultural deficits can be
overcome in a fraction of one gener
tion by individuals with outstanding
inherent determination and intelligence.
PLAYBOY: You're comparing an anccdot-
al story of an Aztec Indian with a whole
ce of people and saying rhe Aztec
case proves a genetic disability on Ше
part of blacks. Would you agree that
there are similar individuals in the black
community who have overcome environ-
mental handicaps? Many. in fact?
Absolutely. And these people
nly existed in our society lor
at least a century.
PLAYBOY: If you agre
with your view of blacks
enslaved race?
SHOCKLEY: My point is, the environment
and the discrimination have not stopped
ks who have the ability from

that fa

some bl

between the badly loaded genetic 4
cup and what you call the American
Negro Tragedy?

SHOCKLEY: Tragedy for American Ne-
you please, The relationship
in some cases the cards are
stacked or the dice are loaded, so to
speak, so that the likelihood of drawing,
cally good genes for intelligence and
other behavioral traits is much smaller
for some groups of people than lor
others. This is patently unfair. These
people end up at the bottom rungs of
the socioeconomic ladder through no
fault of their own. This is the fate that
is now befalling a disproportionately
large fraction of the black minority
This fate will become worse if dysge
effects result. from the 5440-19 r
found in the 1970 census,
PLAYBOY: In what way is this
for all blacks, if these dysgenic condi
ns affect only the low-income end of
the black population?
SHOCKLEY: The tragic disadvan
those at the low end probs

ges of
bly act as a

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the high end

effect comes in
11 blacks un

€ experience

disadvantage to those at
because the color-codi
Pcople may then react to
favorably a t of s

with those at the low end of the scale
PLAYBOY: But that nothing t0 do
with objective science

SHOCKLEY: One might re
spond subjectively to all blacks in just
the same way аг some people believe
that all redheaded people are emotion
ally volatile

PLAYBOY: That's called prejudice. isn't it?
SHOCKLEY: Well, it may or may not be
Perhaps one has intuitively picked up
something about redheaded people that
is perfectly sound. In the case of the
black situation. carrving the reactions
one might have to black
types over do black academic-faculty
types would be a prejudice

PLAYBOY: How do you feel about prej
udic
SHOCKLEY: Prejudice mot sup
ported by strong [acts is both illogical
and not in accordance with truth. The
general principle diat truth is a good
thing applies here. Some things that are
called prejudice. which are based on
sound ly shouldn't be
called prejudic
PLAYBOY: Give us an example of that in
the context of our discussion.

SHOCKLEY: Jt might be easier to think in
terms of breeds of dogs. There are some
breeds that are temperamental. unrclia-

has

Thars right

street-gang

ahat is

statistics, т

blc. and so on. One might then regard
such a breed in a somewhat less favor
able light than other dogs. Now, some
of the business prejudices against blacks
the pragmatic maninahestreet: preju-
dices, are not incorrect. The man in the
street has had experience and knows
what to expect from blacks in business

If one were to randomly pick ten blacks
and ten whites and try to employ them
in the same kinds of things. the whites
would consistently perform better than
the blacks

PLAYBOY: Of course. The majority of
whites have better access 10 education
influence, money and other environ

mental elements that help ensure suc
cess in our society
SHOCKLEY: Well

Eve been led inescapably to the con

Ive already said thi

Gusion that these problems me m

re
related to genetics than to environment
PLAYBOY: Earlier, you mentioned Africa
and said this dysgenic threat was a
world-wide problem. You believe it af
fects all Negroids. regardless of their
environment?

SHOCKLEY: | put my chicf emphasis on
the tragedy for American Negroes. The
book Race Modern Science
tains the best study I've seen on blacks
this country. In his chapter
Stanley Porteus. a Hawaiian psychol
ogist. describes he and his col
leagues used а maze test on tribes in

and con

outside

how

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Africa and Australia. They found the
tives to be intrigued and challenged
by the test. They tested various tribes
nd found very big differences among

i Some Rhodes

more advanced, while some of the Bush-
were at the low end. From the

mentabage equiv
these tribes, I conclude tha
the Bushmen were down around an
LQ. of 50 and the others are up to
somewhere around 80. None came closer
than ten LQ. points of my estimate of
about 90 LQ. for California Negroes.
PLAYBOY: Few scientists working in the
fields of genetics. anthropology or psy-
chology agree with you. Many of them
ve said that your theories are blatant-
ist

lents for

ly
SHOCKLEY:
attitude did not е

Let me point out that this
st at the turn of the
century. Many eminent and thoughtful
scholars expressed the same ideas that I
am attacked for. Alexander Gral Bell
wrote a pamphlet on improving the
n race. Stanford’s revered presi-
t David Starr Jordan stressed the
same theme in a book, The Blood of the
Nation. The situation had changed by
1962, when minent anthropologist
Carleton. Coon proposed in a book
that Negroes were substantially behind
whites on an evolutionary scale and
said that he would discuss brain d
In the next
because of

his next bool
стей his offer

ferences
book, he r

c attacks undermined
d led to carly retirement from
This suppression of inquiry
s related to dysgenics shows
n book publishing. Under the sub-

eugenics,” the Stanford library
curd file has many acquisitions from
1900 to 1930 and practically nonc from

1930 to no
PLAYBOY. Y.

1l have to adi t eu-

ме science. You won
ze for your work that
led to development of the transistor.
Why should anyone listen to a person
who's a Nobel Prize winner in physics
on the subject of ge
SHOCKLEY: There i:
dom from the mouths of
PLAYBOY: Babe? At 70?
SHOCKLEY: Wisdom Irom the mouths of
that опаПу. truths
rom an unlikely source. This
like the Encyclopaedia Britannica ox
ne other profound mathematics book
being produced by monkeys typing in
the British Museum. If there seems to
be merit in the things that are ex
pressed, one had better look at them.
PLAYBOY: The likelihood of a monkey
typing the Encyclopaedia Britannica—
expecially when he knows more
nas than about encyclopedia

tics?
an old saying: W
bes.

Шу small.

SHOCKLEY: If you ask, Why should any-
body listen to someone? well, why
should anyone have listened to Einstein
when there were no ivists at the
time?

PLAYBOY: That's not the first time you've
mentioned Einst in comparison to
yourself. Einstein is considered a genius.
Are you a genius, in your opinion?
SHOCKLEY: Insofar as genius may be swea
and effort, perhaps. 1 would not like to
try to define exactly what a genius is or
to say that I necessarily belong to that
class Certainly, there have been ver
great technological developments t
have followed from very simple observ
tions that anyone might have made if he
had been there at the time. My track
record is definitely somewhat better than
that. But in terms of people such as
nstein, Newton and Maxwell, I would
y they belong to a high ol
ius. The contributions I have made

technological.
PLAYBOY: And now your conti butions
to this new field of eugenics have

brought you notoriety and censure [rom

“The mere fact that I had
mentioned both Negroes
and I.Q. in the same
paragraph led my critics
to label me a racist."

some of your academic colleagues. How
have you had to deal with suppression
of your idcas?

SHOCKLEY: ] was put on notice very carly
that [ew would take kindly to my rais-
ing questions that are usually swept
under the rug. My interview “Is Quali-
ty of U ion Declinin; was
published back in 1965. It was reprinted
in the Stanford Medical School alumni
journal. Stanford's “faculty, the depart-
ment of genetics" objected with a letter
to the editor brandishing the words
malice, mischief and myopic against me
n eminent friend of mine in the Na-
tional Academy of Sciences explained
to me that the mere t that I had
mentioned both Negroes and LQ. in
one and the same paragraph led my
critics to label me a racist. The genet-
ists’ beautifully and forcefully written
ned me greatly when I first
id it. Since then, 1 have enjoyed read-
ing it aloud to friends, with rhetorical
flourishes, preferably over cocktails, so
to dramatize its Madison Avenue
merits. My presentations have been sup-
pressed many times by disruptions or
iccllations, sometimes only а d

so before I would have left home to
keep the еп ent.

PLAYBOY: Didn't common sense tell you
that linking an entire race—black, white
or green, for that matter—to intellec-
tual inferiority would be opposed as
racist by people? And that it
would invi aship?

SHOCKLEY: The genetics-faculty letter did
more than any other thing to make me
face up to dealing with the racial issu
A related incident occurred earlier,
when ] was preparing a paper that
didn't deal with racial questions at all
but simply with mental retardation,
heredity and thoughts stimulated by the

story of the acidithrowing teenager.
While preparing my lecture, E ques
tioned one of my fellow Nobel laureates

about the possibility of the world-wide
dysgenic threat. 1 proposed to him that

g. His responses
I finally said. “I think
ng is that this question

gre
vague, uncle:
what youre sa
s so bad you wi
He agreed with that interpr
thought that was a deplorable attitude

In your own mind, how do
you explain the fact that so many
people disagree with your theories about
black genetic inferiority?

SHOCKLEY: I think t two basic prem-
ises underly the rejection of the con-
cept of genetic inferiority of humans,
no matter whether the concept is ap-
plied to individuals or to races. One is
the American ideal that stems from the
“created equal” phrase in the Decla
tion of Independence. That phrase w;

intended to apply to social rights but is
preted as equa

popularly misint
genetic endowment. Th
ridiculous. It asserts that man alone. of
all species of mammals. is made up of
1 genetically equal—equal
at least in potential for socioeconomic
success in our society. The second prem-
ise is what D have labeled the Apple-
of God's Ey O for short.
Galileo's di obsession held that
God must have put the Garden of Eden
at the center of the universe. Galileo's
conclusion that the earth moved around
the sun was an intolerable heresy.
volutionary theory that man was

ty in
biologically

y. The version of AG
that blocks objectivity about

ic questions combines these two
adherents hold that
all mankind with equal
nd equal potential, and that
God could not have done anything else.
These views ely held and ac
cepted that the boos that

nism. As a result,
ntists who agree with

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me but dare not speak out—dare not
“come out of the closet.” as one psy-
chometrician has told me.
PLAYBOY: Lets assume that the dys-
genics threat is real and the quality of
the human race is declining. What
would you propose as a solution?
SHOCKLEY: | proposed a thinking ex-
s ago called the
y п Bonus Plan.
What it does is to offer people who may
be carrying genes that are defective, in-
duding those for intelligence, a bonus
ng to be sterilized.
Is vaguely familiar
d you of any par-

e about

to us. Does it remi
ticular mass movement within the past
10 years?

SHOCKLEY. Forty ycars takes us k to
Hitlers concentration. camps and gas
chambers. Your question has often come
to me [rom lecture audiences in the
form. “You're talking about eugenics.
Thats what tried, isn’t it?” Jn-
ally, during the war against the
Nazis, I did operations research and was
warded the Medal for Merit with a
ned by President Tru i
eal lesson from Nazi history is
that the First Amendment. which per-

mined uncovering Watergate, is the
best guard against totalit abuses.
The Hitler reference is one standard

question often used to shut off discus-

n of cugenics or antidysgenics. A
quest ў

ition of the perfect man?” And а

n the committce

n is set up. how

def
third question is: "Wh
to define the perfect ma
can I make sure to be appointed to it?
If one accepts that any conceivable rem-
edy for dysgenics would be worse than
the illness. then there would be little
purpose in diagnosing the tragedy we've
been discu except as an intellectual
parlor game.
PLAYBOY: OK, thats fair. How would
your Voluntary Sterilization Bonus
Plan work:
SHOCKLEY: Every time I have discussed
the Voluntary Sterilization Bonus Р!
I have described it carefully as a think
ive

ing exercise rather than as а legisl
proposal. It shows that we don't have to
define what the perfect man is and
that no authority is deciding who can
have children. Its a voluntary choice by
the people themselves. It does пос re-
quire Hitler's concenvation camps
There is an inducement, but. neverthe-
less, its acceptance is voluntary. The
amount of the cash bonus would vary.
In some cases, it would be zero. For ex-
ample, incoi payers, who tend to
be somewhat successful already in so
ciety, would get no bonus. All others, re-
gardless of sex, race or welfare status,
would be offered a bonus that would de-
pend upon best scientific estimates of
abilities that

"DID YOU u

PLAYBOY

diabetes, epilepsy, hemophilia, Hunting-
ton's chorea and other genetically trans-
mitted illnesses. A dysgenic increase of
these afllictions is probably now occur-
ring, owing to advances in medicine that
overcome evolution's pruning actions.
There would also be bonuses for lower-
than-average LQ.s-

PLAYBOY: A lot of people are affected
by those so-called undesirable genetic
its that might be passed on from one
n ion to another. Do you have any

of those traits that you might pass on
yourself?

I am not aware of any. No
no epilepsy, no Hunting-
ton’s chorea, no diabetes.
PLAYBOY: So nothing that you
of that would be passed on to a child
through the sperm-bank program?
SHOCKLEY: I was short one tooth on the
lower jaw, and I think maybe one wis
dom tooth. 1 not sure those are real
disadvantages
PLAYBOY: How much money would those
people receive for agrecing to sacrifice
their right to have children?

SHOCKLEY: My thinking exercise pro-
poses a figure of $1000 for every LQ
point below 100. That may sound high.
but $30.000 put into a trust for a 70-1.Q.
moron, who might otherwise produce 20
children, might make the plan very prof-
itable to the taxpayer. If three of these
hypothetical children ended up in in-
stitutions for the mentally retarded for
life, it might cost the taxpayers nearly
$300,000 to take care of them, Further-
more, if we offered ten percent of the
bonus in spot cash, it might stimulate
our native American genius for entre-

playing God?

SHOCKLEY: Now. that's one
stopping question T overlooked when
you brought up Hitlers eugenics. T
don't think proposing the V.S.D.P., or
even giving it a test, is playing God. I
argue that if God made man, including
his brain, in God's image, Hc intended

man to be a problem solver. I have
talked about the V.S.B.P. many times
and haven't found anything really

wrong with it—except for one most ob-
vious flaw that E leave in as a thinking
exercise.

PLAYBOY: Whit is that?

SHOCKLEY: Finding the flaw is your
thinking exercise. Incidentally, oth.
besides myself have independently

vented very siu 18.

PLAYBOY: Are you going to tell us who
those others are? Or is that another
thinking exercise?

SHOCKLEY: The carliest was iconoclast
H. L. Mencken in the Thirties. Two
others won Nobel Prizes: Francis Crick
for double-helix. genctic-code research
and Archer Martin for a chemical in-
vention. In a 1974 lecture, Martin pro-

posed that "by simply giving а bonus
of sufficient size to both men and wom-
en to get themselves sterilized, a desira-
ble differential fertility would result."
He also suggested a bonus for morc
children to those who had “distin-
guished themselves.” 1 think if funds
could be found and law violations
avoided, I would like to see a trial run
of the V.S.B.P. It might prove to be a
sound idea.

PLAYBOY: The carliest was actually Mar-
garet Sanger in 1926. Anc
of the Chinese government's bonus plan
that rewards people for having one child
but punishes them for having thrce or
more?

SHOCKLEY: Only vaguely. Some years ago,
1 to get some students to look at the
literature on this. All we found at tl
ume were some very broad sweeping
ents of objectives of the
government, nothing "
that anything was actually going on.
I've heard recently about the program
you mentioned, but without knowing
more about the statistics and how it
worked, and how the Chinese people
responded to it, I wouldnt want to
speculate on how effectively this might

but indica

Sa
“I think sterilization
programs for the mentally
retarded have been very
unjustly derogated.”

work. There is one feature about it
that I don't like, which isn't present
the Voluntary Sterilization Bonus Pl
If you start penalizing a family with
two children because they have a third
child, you are penalizing the first two

i nly unjust to

sponsibility for the situation. On the
other hand, if the penalties are severe
then this inhumane aspect i

to that extreme, parents who

take the proper precautions,

we less likely to surv
generally. I don't think this is any more
effective than the Voluntary Sterilization

would be more humane.
PLAYBOY: Several states
have sterilization pr
are mentally
judged unfit by so

programs call for forced sterilization.
What do you think about them?
SHOCKLEY: I think that they have been
very unjustly derogated. Objections to
these programs are based on the same

n the South
grams for those who
or otherwise
jety. Many of those

berserk humanitarian beliefs and Dark
Ages dogma that refuse to accept the
fact that people may be created very
unequal and may obey breeding laws
that are simi to those of animals. I re-
member one man asking me if I favored

sterilization of the retarded and then
proceeded to say that he had a loving.
compassionate retarded daughter and I
didn't see why she shouldn't have chi

dren. To my way of thinking. this is a
clear case of humanitarianism gone ber-
serk. Why should a child be brought
into the world under those adverse
netic conditions just to fulfill the com.

AYBOY: What bothers many people is
the fact that your thinking exercise seems
med at blacks in particular. That's why
the Nazi parallel has been raised by those
who are normally dispassionate and de-
tached in these matters. Your theories
mount to scientific genocide of the black
race.
SHOCKLEY: What I am intending to do is
reduce human misery for the people in-
volved. And this proposal cuts across all
radal and eth oup lines. Certainly,
in terms of numbers, more whites than
blacks would be involved, thou the
percentages for black retardation are

igher. As to the Nazi reference, I think
everyone agrees that their methods were
profoundly inhumane. I believe that true
ianism extends further than
version of the golden rule
of "Do unto others as you would have
them do unto you." I feel that true hu-
arianism is best expressed by
m: "In happiness and suffering, in
joy and grief, we should regard all crea-
tures as we regard our own sell.” In other
words, true humanitarianism is con-

cerned with even nonhuman forms of lite.
Nobel laureate Albert Schweitzer car-

ed this to the extreme
principle of reverence for
to avoid stepping on insects and trans.
planting weeds and things of that nature.
But I believe he drew the line at with-
holding antibiotics from a sick patient
because of his reverence for the life of
bacteria. Incidentally, Schweitzer spent
the last part of his life running a hospital
for blacks in Africa. He wrote, “With
regard to the Negrocs, then. I have coined
the formula: ‘I am your brother, it is
truc, but your elder brother.’ " For this,
Schweitzer has been called racist. I think
that а logical, true humanitarianism
replaces Schweitzer reverence for life
with concern for the memories of cm:
tions stored in the neurological systems
of one’s fellow creatures. The Nazis had
no regard for concerns like these.
PLAYBOY: And you, e the Nazis, are
concerned with the feelings of your
fellow creatures?

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PLAYBOY

SHOCKLEY: Yes.
PLAYBOY: Arc you fami
philosophy about the white mar
den?

SHOCKLEY: In a general way. Kipling ap-
plied this to India, did he not?

PLAYBOY: No. to the Philippines, but it

r with Kipling's
"s bur-

has been more widely applied to white
patei ism toward all Third World
people.

SHOCKLEY: It would be interesting to
know how the general welfare in India
actually fared before and after the British
occupation there.

PLAYBOY: We're asking because your
ist attitudes seem like warmed-over pater-
nalism toward blacks. That quote from
Schweitzer, in particular, reflects a rath
odious view. Do you share Schweitzer's
view of blacks? How docs this reflect
your humanitarianism?

SHOCKLEY: You've asked that question
before. We do take seemingly brutal
measures that we regard as humanitarian
with certain animals. IE we eliminate all
predators of decr, they might become
too numerous and run out of food and
ve to death. I think a situation not
too di from that might exist in
ye tribes, pos-
ibly the Bushmen tribes. If one were to
build up a civilization around those
people and try to fit them in, it's quite
possible that it might lead to a very
miserable situation for children of that
society. who might then lead very tragic
lives. I think society h moral obliga-
tion to diagnose
take corrective measu

these conditions and
ез.

y inappropr
incredibly conceited for one group of

beings to make life-and-death
judgments like that over another group
of human beings.
But

there's nothing novel
s what we do on all
sorts of foodand-drug laws. To protect
people from their poor judgment in
buying drugs. The extreme case is the
law on cancer drugs. Even though the
cancer cases may be essentially hopeless,
d the patients may be relieved of some
symptoms, the laws say certain drugs
cam In C
for the law even prescribes what
kinds of treatments are legal for cancer.
So there is no great novelty about Gov-
ernment's taking this view. Only when it
comes to something like human quality
and the possibility of doing research
into it are there taboos and thought
blocks erected.

PLAYBOY: Let's be clear on this: You are
trying to nce your concern for
hu n feelings on the one hand with
your strongly held belief that something
must be done to stop this genetic back-
sliding. Correct?

SHOCKLEY: Thanks. That's a good sum-
mary. But one aspect deserves special

not be used to treat cance

emphasis. Human intelligence is one of
the finest, most admirable products of
evolution. Intelligence is necessary to
ensure that humanitarian and compas-
sionate endeavors do not go astray. We
should respect intelligence and do all
we can to prevent a. dysgenic deteriora-
tion of it.

PLAYBOY: Genc

t Cyril Burt is a name

you know quite well, since you used some

tampered with by Burt himsell. Why did
he deliberately skew the data?

SHOCKLEY: I'm not sure, and in any case,
it is rather poindess speculation now.
There seems to be little doubt that
Burt's data did have a good deal of
fakery in it.

PLAYBOY: Don't you think his fakery
reflects on your own credibility? Here is
a man who was a scientist, who evidently
had no qualms about tampering with
the truth. Whether or not his motives
were political, we can't say. But doesn’t
that hurt your cause?

Ws only human

“We take seemingly brutal
measures that we regard
as humanitarian with
certain animals.”

nature to make that kind of connection.
That is why it is so important to have a
beuer study on identical twius—one that
is scrupulously objective—so as to refute
all of these sorts of criticisms.

Ате you now denouncing Burt's

SHOCKLEY:
denounce. I would ri

I would not use the word

rd itas deplo

re
central to

Burt's
t of your

ng because
data wa 1 least |
thesi:
SHOCKLEY: As well as other dat:
of others have dealt with Burt.
PLAYBOY: Let's discuss Arthur Jensen, the
Berkeley psychologist you mentioned
carlier. You've been referred to in the
press occasionally as a disciple of Jensen,
who aced the theory that black
children are less capable of level-two or
abstract reasoning. He's been in the news
recently as a result of w book defend-
ing LQ. testing, Whats yo
ship with him?

SHOCKLEY: We first met in 1966, when T
spoke at the for Advanced Study
in the Behavioral Sciences at Stanford.
Jensen was a member of the audience,

Plenty

adv

ion-

ет

He told me about Burt's work on the
identical twins, which he had recently
learned about. So that's where we һе
came acquainted. I regarded him as a
resource person, because he had been
reading and writing in the field for
decades and had a very scholarly ap
proach. In his Harvard Educational
Review article in 1969. he used words
from parts of a paragraph I had written
а year or so earlier having to do with
the “dysgenic threat" and “genetic en
slavement.” But as far as I know, thats
the only time that he has emphasized
that particular point. Whereas 1 have
put my emphasis on the area ol social
obligations and psychometric research,
much morc on
nd the scientific

Jensen's focus
the tools for ana
validity ol the result
PLAYBOY: But you basically share
same beliefs about blacks, don't yo
SHOCKLEY: Im not aware of whether
Jensen would agree with my main con
clusions or not.

PLAYBOY: His book takes a rather hard
line in favor of LQ, tests. Jensen says
LQ. tests are n sed against any
group of Americans lor whom English is
the first language. Is that opinion

the

ive a
t point of
view without studying it more. I believe
ht be possible to make an intel-
igent estimate of the degree to which
onmental deprivation might actu-
ly be producing a bias in the intel-
gence scale for children. There may be
a few general-information questions that
show a specific cultural bias toward
whites, such as, "What color is а ruby?”
But I would postulate, without having
looked into this in much det that
questions like this one would make a
diflerence of only two or three IQ.
points, at most.

PLAYBOY: Some 1.0). test questions are ob-
vious cultural setups One. in particular.
that strikes u alid is, "If you see
smoke coming [rom a neighbor's house.
what should you do?” The answer to
that question depends on how you were
socialized, what your parents have told
you to do, not on your general intel
ligence.

SHOCKLEY: There was one example of th
kind of question brought up in CBS's
program The ГО. Myth. The question
was, "If a child smaller than you hits
you, what should you do about it?” This
was supposed to be an example of a
culturally biased question. As it turned
out, this was one of the casier questions
for blacks and certainly did not give
evidence of being culturally biased.
PLAYBOY: ‘The so-called correct answer to
the question is, "Don't hit the child
back, because he's smaller than you.
SHOCKLEY: I'm pretty sure that was not

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the only correct answer. There may have
been several.

PLAYBOY: In any case, isn't the point that
these answers reflect a value system
based on white society and have nothing
to do with intelligence?

sHOCKLEY: That doesn't stand up. The
fact is that the blacks have acquired
these values from their environments
just as well as the white children have.
Furthermore, they gave more correct
answers on that question than they had
on the average for all of the other
questions.

PLAYBOY: What we're really talking about
is the assimilation of values as reflected
by an 1.0. test. Not necessarily the use
of any cognitive skills. A child isn't
stupid just because he answers that ques-
tion another way.

SHOCKLEY: The question is whether the
elements involved in developing cogni-
tive skills are entirely cultural or whether
there is a basic genetic predisposition.
Many cases have bcen cited of gifted
children who start learning how to read
with very little stimulation whatever.
This is obviously due to genetics. I don’t
see why the same sort of thing shouldn't
apply to cognitive skills. It's the consist-
ent pattern of observations like these
that leads me to what I call my "ines-
capable opinion" about the black LQ.
deficit.

PLAYBOY: In the past, you have indicted
the scientific community for not re-
searching ideas about black genetic in-
feriority. We're not saying there is a
problem as you've described it; but if
there were, who would be responsible
for investigating a genetically disadvan-
taged race?

SHOCKLEY: I would say the responsibility
to do this kind of thinking rests pri-
marily with those who are most intel-
lectually capable of it. In terms of race,
a disproportionate fraction of the white
population can do this compared with
the black population. So the white pop-
ulation is most responsible. But one
particularly distressing circumstance is
implied by news stories about intelligent
blacks' moving into the suburbs to avoid
ghetto or slum areas. Some reports in-
dicate that they seem withdrawn rather
completely from a concern for their less
fortunate brethren. I have often said
that the people who would be most
important for me to try to reach are
the black intellectuals of this country.
PLAYBOY: How can you expect to reach
black intellectuals when your rhetoric
smacks oí racism?

SHOCKLEY: The smack of racism attrib-
uted to "my rhetoric" lies in the ears of
the listeners. It is not present in my
written or spoken words. The word
racism carries with it a connotation of
belief in the superiority of one's own
race, plus fear and hatred of other races,

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and lacks any hint of humanitarian
concern. What I am intending to do is
to promote raceology, the study of racial
problems and trends from a scientific
point of view, and this approach is quite
different {rom racism. One black student
told me after we talked that he no
longer thought of me as a КІ
Hitler and that I had guts for facing up
to a problem no one else would face.
PLAYBOY: "That's nice, but you are still
making qualitative judgments about an
entire race, are you not? You believe
quite simply that whites as a racc arc
superior in intellect to blacks.

SHOCKLEY: Statistically, yes. But not in
individual cases. Let me repeat that 1
always try to qualify statements about
black racial LQ. inferiority by saying
that there are many blacks who are intel-
lectually superior to many whites, and
that the Caucasians are not necessarily
the world’s most superior race. In terms
of the percentage of the population who
can achieve eminence and make great
contributions in science, American Jew-
ish scientists are an outstanding fraction
of the scientific community and on a per
capita basis are represented, I think, at
least ten times higher than is the popu-
lation as a whole. American Orientals
also are overrepresented.

PLAYBOY: Of course, Jews aren't a race.
But doesn't the tightly knit social struc-
ture of Oriental and Jewish families
have more to do with their success than
genetics?

SHOCKLEY: What makes their social struc-
ture tightly knit?

PLAYBOY: "Tradition, customs, learned ex-
periences—their environment, in other
words. But we're asking you.

SHOCKLEY: Why shouldn't it be genetics?
It certainly is in the animal kingdom
Take, for example, the cuckoo bird,
which has this very unusual habit of
never hatching its own eggs. That's
certainly not an environmental [actor
The weaverbird, which hangs its nest
on a limb with a piece of horsehair that
is tied in a knot. They have raised
weaverbirds with robin foster parents
and never let them see a horsehair for
several generations. Then. if you give
them a horsehair, they know exactly
what to do with it. That's undoubtedly
a built-in genetic trait. I see no reason
to think that family patterns don’t stem
from genetic:
PLAYBOY: What about Orientals: Is it
possible they are the “superior race,”
assuming there is such a thing?

SHOCKLEY: They are certainly not in-
ferior. Furthermore, even when discrim.
inated against in the Twenties, Japanese
school children in California on two
verbally weighted tests showed very
small 1.0. deficits and actually outpe
formed whites on a less verbal one. The
massive 1966 Coleman report on 615,000
students showed Orientals about five

ansman or

verbal LQ. points below whites and on
nonverbal 1.Q., a shade above in grades
nine and 12.

PLAYBOY: All right, here we are back to
square one again. Dr. Shockley, aren't
you essentially a white supremacist?
SHOCKLEY: No. I am not a white su
premacist.

PLAYBOY: If that’s the case, why have you
allowed yourself to be used by right
wingextremist groups who promote
white supremacy? For example—~
SHOCKLEY: I have appeared a few times
prominently in such rightwing publica
tions as Thunderbolt, a newspaper sup.
ported by the States. Rights Party, or
closely tied into it. It's not a Ku Klux
Klan publication, but it is definitely
anti-Negro and anti-Semitic and very
much white supremacist. 1 find these
views in conflict with my version of the
golden rule. But on two points I put
Thunderbolt ahead of much of the
American press. First, I believe it is not
hypocritical, though it does express er-
roneous views. Second, it sometim:
publishes valid news that I don't find
elsewhere. I also believe that the net
result of getting the truth out will be
good and that misinterpretations will be
corrected.

PLAYBOY: But if these people are misus-
ing your theories, why haven't you put
a stop to it?

SHOCKLEY: If someone has stolen your
car and is driving it recklessly, why
haven't you put a stop to it? I have not
given priority to a study of extremist
groups, but I have this view about them:
"Those groups view black problems from
the perspective of racism, not from that
of scientific raceology. Their focus on
black crime would be on its brutality
rather than its contribution to the Trag-
edy for American Negroes.

PLAYBOY: You've mentioned black crime
before, as if its existence supports your
claim of black genetic inferiority. Does
it?

SHOCKLEY: The important issue is the
role of crime in the Tragedy for Ameri-
can Negroes. The people who suffer
most from black crime are blacks them-
selves. I mentioned earlier the high
spousekilling-spouse ratio. A young
black male in Harlem is more than 100
times more likely to be a homicide
statistic than a male in Denmark. These
are aspects of the tragedy that raceology
reveals.

PLAYBOY: As to crime and race: Aren't
there tribes in Africa in which crime is
almost unheard of? Anthropologists who
have studied those tribes point out that
their environment tends to discourage
crime. On the other hand, there are
studies in this country showing tha
cities tend to breed crime. Obviously,
there's a strong environmental relation.
ship here. How does that fit in with your
racial thesis?

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SHOCKLEY: I don't know of any studies
showing such a lack of crime. 1 do know
of some showing that certain tribes tend
toward intertribal warfare. Some re-
searchers postulated that this bellicosity
was caused by a lack of protein, but that
didn't seem to be true once they actually
looked into it. With respect to urban
slums’ breeding crime, the question of a
cause-and-effect relationship needs to be
researched much more carefully. Do
people remain in the slums because
they have a low 1.Q., which is highly cor-
related with 2 high crime rate? I tried
looking into this myself once. I asked a
law-enforcement agency if it would
search its files and give me a reference
to anything that had been written on
the correlation between 1.0. and crime.
They claimed there was nothing avail-
able. I went to the Stanford library in
one afternoon and produced two studies
in which hundreds of prisoners had their
1.0. tested in two separate studies. As
I recall, the median prisoner LQ. was
about 85, or one standard deviation
below normal. Of course, someone could
argue that high-I.Q. people who commit
crimes don't get caught. That might be
one explanation, but I doubt it.

PLAYBOY: To return to the central point:
There is no question that the K.K.K.
and even the Nazis have used your data
for goals that are political, destructive
and have nothing to do with humanitari-

an idealism. Given your goal of reaching
the so-called black intellectual commu-
nity with your theories, how can you
allow yourself to be misrepresented by
those white-supremacist groups?
SHOCKLEY: Your emphasis that we must
“return to the central point” is a new
experience for me. I do not recall any-
one making the point before, and cer-
tainly not as persistently as you have
just now, that I will be irresponsible if,
in your words, 1 allow myself to be
misrepresented by — white-supremacist
groups. Let me assure you that I make
no efforts to allow myself to be misrepre-
sented. My efforts instead have been to
communicate the concerns and findings
that we are discussing as accurately as I
can, That, as far as I am concerned, is
the central point of this interview. I
would then hope that this accuracy
would suffice to reach the intellectuals,
black or white, who should think respon-
sibly about the dysgenic threat in general
and its relationship to the Tragedy for
American Negroes in particular.
PLAYBOY: УЛ tempts have you made
to reach black intellectuals, and with
what results?

SHOCKLEY: If I think that one over, I
will end up with a pretty long list. Near
the beginning are Dr. Alvin Poussaint
and Donald Warden, a San Francisco
attorney and radio host. James Farmer,
Roy Innis and Frances Cress Welsing

have appeared with me on TV programs
and I have tried to be as precise as I
have been here. My correspondence with
Roy Wilkins in 1973 was, perhaps, my
most diligent effort to open a line of
communication. Mr. Wilkins regarded
me as a threat to Negro progress greater
than the K.K.K., according to pres
reports of a speech, In that

responded with both a press rele:
a letter to Mr. Wilkins. I asked him to
choose 100 to 200 black intellectuals
for blood tests and I pointed out if this
showed they were no more Caucasian
than the national average, then, and I
quote from a news story: "This new
scientific fact could correct unfair dis-
crimination that now prevails on the
opinion that Negroes obtain their in-
telligence from white ancestors
PLAYBOY: Some anthropologists say that
race is such a fuzzy concept that it would
be pointless to try to find out how much
Caucasian blood American blacks have.
What about that?

SHOCKLEY: One proof that I don't have
to be a geneticist to work on these prob-
lems is my 1973 paper in the Proceedings
of the National Academy of Sciences on
the determination of the percentage of
genes in Oakland blacks that come from
white ancestors. I refined the best prior
estimate of 22 percent obtained using a
particular blood type called Duffy's gene.

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I reconciled that with an estimate of 27
percent for another blood type and
obtained a new best value of 23 percent.
As far as I have heard, my 1973 paper is
still the most advanced on this subject.
PLAYBOY: What was Wilkins’ reaction?
SHOCKLEY: Mr. Wilkins rejected my pro-
posal but made no reference to your
central point about white-supremacist
groups. Biology professor Richard Golds-
by and I are on first-name terms after
a number of public debates but no closer
to agreement on the main issues. Carl
Rowan and others were also approached.
This interview, with you is the latest of
my serious attempts.

PLAYBOY: Reaching the black intellectual
community is nearly an impossibility for
you. Harvard psychiatrist Poussaint, one
of the best-known, most respected black
professionals in the nation, says that
your theories have hurt the black self
image and that blacks tend to take them
to heart and feel that they are personally
inferior, not as a group but as individ-
uals, Would you comment on that?
SHOCKLEY: Yes. J think that there may be
some truth to what Poussaint says, and
this is a very sad state of affairs. If a
very substantial fraction of the black
race is made up of people who have
limitations in objectivity of character so
that it is impossible for them to accept
reality, then disclosure of this dysgenic

threat could be a very devastating thing
for them, and that would be tragic. But
one alternative can be even more tragic.
That would be to set up an artificial
milieu in which blacks are protected, as
some people might be in mental institu-
tions. If such a lack of objectivity exists
and if the blacks most susceptible to it
are increasing most rapidly because our
society is afraid to do the needed re-
search to diagnose the problem, then
it's a pretty deplorable state of affairs. It
indicates fear and a lack of faith in the
power of reason and the existence of
humanitarianism—attitudes that I do
not share. Where there is a serious illness
that needs to be diagnosed before treat-
ment can be wisely made, I see no excuse
for withholding the contributions that
reason may provide.

PLAYBOY: Your faith in humanitarianism
seems unrealistic to us. For example,
what logical reason would blacks have
for showing faith in humanitarianism
when, as a group, they have suffered
from severely inhumane acts for genera-
tions? And why would most whites who
know the history of blacks, and whom
you blame for “not doing the needed
research to diagnose the problem"—why
would they put faith in humanitarian-
ism's winning out over racial hatred and
injustice? It never has before, so why
would it now?

SHOCKLEY: Well, I have faith that if one
brings facts out and presents them prop-
erly, sound answers will be found. I
may be wrong about this, but not only
is this a faith that I have, but it is prob-
ably an element of faith that any reli-
gious person should have. If he believes
that God is involved in this situation,
then he is compelled to have the same
faith I have.

PLAYBOY: Really? Why?

SHOCKLEY: Because the Apple-of-God's-
Eye Obsession says that God has set up
the world to be fair to man and to be
good to him.

PLAYBOY: But you don't believe that, do
you? You apparently don't believe in
God.

SHOCKLEY: I think that some of these phil-
osophical views are broader than the be-
lief or nonbelief in God. I think these
things came about through evolution. In
terms of my humanitarianism, you
wouldn't say that the blacks in thc
United States are worse off than they
arc in almost any African country, would
you?

PLAYBOY: Worse off in what way?
SHOCKLEY: Hcalthwise.

PLAYBOY: No, not for the most part. But
blacks in America have been exploited
and deprived of their basic human
rights.

SHOCKLEY: How about Idi Amin?

PLAYBOY

PLAYBOY: An isolated instance.
SHOCKLEY: Or how about the civil war in
Nigeria?

PLAYBOY: Civil war is one thing, slavery
is another. So is genocide.

SHOCKLEY: Is there no black slavery of
blacks in Africa now?

PLAYBOY: Perhaps, but how do these
digressions help us understand your
faith in humanitarianism? Your faith
seems somehow unconnected to histor-
ical and present-day reality.

SHOCKLEY: You could have some faith in
terms of the elimination of slavery, the
enactment of affırmative-action pro-
grams, the wiping out of Jim Crow
Taws and things of this sort. But blacks
can also conclude that these things will
turn around and get worse if dysgenics
are at the root of the problem. And, on
that basis, it may be very difhcult for
blacks to share my faith in humanitar-
ianism. Nonetheless, I'm reminded of
the dictum of Herbert Spencer: “The
profoundest of all infidelities is thé fear
that the truth will be bad.”

PLAYBOY: Do you believe that?

SHOCKLEY: I think I can concur with that,
yes. It expresses rejection of a lack of
faith in reality. To have such a pro-
found lack of faith in the world is being
unfaithful to the very nature of one's
existence. That is what it means to fear
that the truth will be bad. The truth
about Watergate, for example, was a
very bad thing. But getting the truth
may have been a very good thing.

If one can perceive some kind of a
tragedy potentially developing—then
one should seek some way of dealing
with it that minimizes human misery.
For the worries that I express about
dysgenics, this aim may very well be
best achieved by limiting the number
of babies that come into the world under
adverse circumstances. The same solu-
tion has often been recognized, but not
implemented, in underdeveloped, and
perhaps undevelopable nations.

PLAYBOY: TI kind of humanitarian
social Darwinism may be well and good,
but it doesn't deal with reallife situa-
tons. Take, for example, the white
woman who was thinking of marrying
a black man. This is a documented case.
Somewhere on the East Coast, she
heard you speak about black genetic
inferiority and she became afraid that
her children by this black man might
be born inferior. She threatened to break
off an otherwise good relationship. She
went to a therapist and asked for advice.
This kind of reaction seems to be the
real potential tragedy, Dr. Shockley—
that white people could actually come
to believe that black people as indi-
viduals are inferior to themselves and
will inevitably produce inferior offspring.
SHOCKLEY: Do you know what answer the
therapist gave her?

PLAYBOY: The answer was

that she

shouldn't be concerned about your the-
ories, that they were irrelevant. And
that the question itself was inherently
racist,

SHOCKLEY: Well, if she had been asking
about races farther apart than blacks
and whites, and more facts were
known, the therapist might very well
have said that the chance of having a
mentally retarded child as a result of
this vast divergence between the races
might be very substantial. 1 doubt if
it is for black-white matings, because if
it were, the result would be known. The
probabilities might be much larger for
very different groups.

PLAYBOY: But we're describing an emo-
tional crisis in a woman who reacted to
your theories. Obviously, asking a ques-
tion about mental retardation in black
offspring in the context of your theories
is tantamount to questioning the very
humanity of a people. Certainly the
humanity of the black individual she
wanted to marry.

SHOCKLEY: Well, it is quite true that these
are very painful thoughts. They are
things that strike centrally on one's

"I certainly would not
oppose an interracial mar-
riage in any particular case

that might come up. But

I wouldn’t advocate it

asa policy.”

whole viewpoint toward lite and the
universe. Objective thinking on this
subject is blocked by the Apple-of-God's-
Eye Obsession, as 1 mentioned earlier.
PLAYBOY: But you still haven't answered
our question about this white woman.
Wouldn't it be 2 tragedy for whites to
believe that black people as individuals
were inferior to themselves and would
inevitably produce inferior offspring?
And isn't this an example of that kind
of racist thinking?

SHOCKLEY: I'm not saying that this is not
a tragic situation, you understand. But
what are the facts? If you pick two black
people at random in the black popula-
tion and mate them and produce chil-
dren, and you take two white people at
random in the population and mate
them and produce children, the existing
statistics fit into this pattern that I call
an inescapable opinion that the black
children will be, as far as the 1.0). tests
are concerned, inferior to the white chil-
dren. Now, then, you say, suppose people
came actually to believe this. It seems to
me you are saying, “Suppose white
people actually came to believe what
you, Shockley, believe.”

PLAYBOY: But you keep saying your pur-
pose is to limit human misery. The ex-
ample of the woman is one in which you
may have caused human misery.
SHOCKLEY: I would say even greater
misery will result, and is now taking
place, because of society's refusal to
investigate the dysgenic threat.

PLAYBOY: Are you for or against inter-
racial marriage? Not as a scientific ex-
periment but asa social reality?
SHOCKLEY: I'm going to say I certainly
would not oppose an interracial mar-
riage in any particular case that might
come up. But I wouldn't advocate it as
a policy. One would have to know more
about these facts.

PLAYBOY: Do you think there ought to be
efforts made to increase marriages be-
tween black men and women of high
Оз?

SHOCKLEY: I don't see why not. It would
be applying positive eugenics to en-
courage more births in that part of the
population.

PLAYBOY: Do you believe in equal oppor-
tunity for all people, black or otherwise?
SHOCKLEY: Yes. I believe in the created-
equal assertion of the Declaration of In-
dependence, when it is interpreted in
terms of equal political rights, but I
would qualify it some: I don't think the
right should be given equally to every-
one to have children, if those people
having children are clearly destined to
produce retarded or defective children.
This puts an unfair burden upon so-
ciety. But when I talk about that bur-
den, my standard language emphasizes
the fact that the ones who suffer most
are the children themselves.

PLAYBOY: But we're asking about equal
opportunity, not about the right to have
children.

SHOCKLEY: Can you have equal opportu-
nity if you don't have the same capacity
as someone else to utilize it?

PLAYBOY: The fact that you can't go
through a door doesn't mean that it
shouldn't be open. Don't you agree with
that?

SHOCKLEY: "That's right. But you may also
be led to demand that there should be a
wider door. If the door is too narrow for
you to go through, you can certainly
assert then that, although the door is
open for you, you are not given equal
opportunity. Is the trouble really with
the door or with the width of the man?
PLAYBOY: Suppose we are talking about
a handicapped individual. Handicapped
by society or by himself. And the door-
way to success is not designed to accom-
modate his wheelchair. Should the door
be redesigned to accommodate the man?
SHOCKLEY: This does not lend itself to an
absolute and general answer, because if
one follows the open-door approach.
then one would say that a man should
have equal opportunity to visit anyone

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PLAYBOY

he wants, and every house should be
built with a ramp for his wheelchair.
PLAYBOY: No, we're talking about equal

opportunity in institutions such as col-
leges, corporations, etc, that have a
responsibility for administering equal
rights.

SHOCKLEY: An individual may be limited
in his capacity to exploit his oppor-
tunity for equal rights. Black students
who get into college certainly have equal
rights to learn. They are exposed to
equal lectures. They may be brought in
by quota systems and are underqualified
both by training and in their basic ability
to grasp the material Then, although
they are given the equal opportunities
and, indeed, the extra advantages of re-
medial courses, they won't be able to
make the most of them. They can rea-
sonably conclude that something phony
in the system is frustrating them. When
society endeavors to enforce equality of
achievement by methods like these, then
the result may be a sort of induced para-
noia on the part of blacks. I see this as
possibly related to the high spouse-
killing-spouse rate we have discussed.
PLAYBOY: Wouldn't it be better for society
if you shifted your focus and your en-
ergies from the dysgenics question to the
goal of equal opportunity for all? Then
we might have an equal basis for making
qualitative judgments.

SHOCKLEY: To my way of thinking, that is
basically not a very astute observation at
all. I could at most add only a minuscule
contribution to the efforts already under
way. I'm perfectly certain I am unique
among the Nobel laureates in saying that
1 feel an obligation to face this problem,
the dysgenic aspect or threat. Nothing
that has occurred in the past several
years has made me feel that my approach
is unsound. This situation places me in a
position like the one I occupied when
my team was probably almost alone in
trying to create the transistor. And the
dysgenic problem is of greater impor-
tance than that was. It has been around
since the days of the Greeks. It has been
discussed many times and no satisfactory
solutions have been found. The tran-
sistor will, in due course, probably
be replaced by something else, just as the
vacuum tube has been replaced by the
transistor. But the human-quality prob-
lems I'm talking about are going to be
with us until some new stage arrives.
Possibly, it may be genetic engineering
on the DNA code or cloning or things
like that. But I think these are so dis-
tantly foreseeable that they amount to
distractions in discussions like this one.
Anyway if we can prevent dysgenic
deterioration of intellectual capacity, fu-
ture generations will be that much better
able to think about genetic engineering.
PLAYBOY: It might be helpful for us to

100 know something about the tenor of your

personal relationships with blacks. It
could give us some insight into your
motives.

SHOCKIEY: I basically haven't had much
personal contact with blacks, but I can
remember some.

PLAYBOY: What were your impressions?
SHOCKLEY: The earliest recollection I
have of any close association with blacks
was in my teens. We had a black maid—
1 think her name was Genoa, as I recall—
and my mother and I were both very
fond of her. Also, when I attended Hol-
lywood High, there were black students
there.

PLAYBOY: How did you get along with
them?

SHOCKLEY: I didn't have much contact
with them. All I remember about them
is that they were active in sports. Later
on, when I moved to New York—acwal-
ly, Madison, New Jersey—we had a maid
or housekeeper who was black. She
wasn’t very efficient, that's what I re-
member most about her. I also recall
that while my children were going to
school, 1 happened to find out that the

“Industrialists who have

operated in Africa have

told of the greater value
of mulattoes over pure
blacks as employees."

president of the high school student
body was black. I thought that was a
constructive social development.
PLAYBOY: Thars interesting. Anything
else?

SHOCKLEY: Well, there's something I
hadn't thought about until you asked
me just now. One night while I was
living in Madison, we found a black
boy, about eight years old, sleeping in
our garage. I tried to drive him home,
but he couldn't or wouldn't find the
way. The police finally took him off our
hands. They seemed to feel he'd been a
victim of some kind of child abuse.
PLAYBOY: What about more recent con-
tacts, outside of your well-publicized
encounters with Roy Innis and other
professional blacks in a business setting?
SHOCKLEY: Well, in 1961, my wife and 1
were in a hospital for months in casts
after a head-on collision. Most of the
nurses who took care of us were black,
and the quality of their care stood in
marked contrast to that of the white
nurses. My wife and 1 were most im-
pressed.

PLAYBOY: What was it that impressed you
so highly?

SHOCKLEY: They gave us the best care and
were the most natural and comforting
that I had. In fact, while my cast pre-
vented me from doing so, they were the
ones who cleaned my rear end properly.
PLAYBOY: One of the more troubling
parts of your theory has to do with the
degree of white blood you claim affects
the genetic intelligence of blacks. Do
you really believe there are intelligence
differences between light-skinned blacks
and dark-skinned blacks?

SHOCKLEY: Industrialists who have oper-
ated in Africa have told of the greater
value of mulattoes over pure blacks as
employees. But where race mixing has
gone on for generations, only a statistical
correlation would be expected between
skin color and performance. Judgments
about individuals would be dubious.
Actually, skin color alone does not pro-
vide the best measure of white ancestry.
J. R. Baker in Race considers morpho-
logical features in addition to skin
color, and concludes that many eminent
American Negroes have substantial frac-
tions of Caucasian ancestry. The con-
clusion seems to me to be borne out by
blacks seen оп TV—for example, by
many black newscasters.

PLAYBOY: That's interesting, but how is it
pragmatic for the man in the street, who
doesn’t understand statistics?

SHOCKLEY: The pragmatism comes in
when a businessman says; "I know I
have had bad luck hiring three blacks,
and so I am going to avoid hiring blacks
if I can." Here again, science may offset
unfairness by developing valid aptitude
tests that see deeper than skin color.
PLAYBOY: Is your opinion based on per-
sonal experience you have had with
blacks?

SHOCKLEY: It is based mostly on conver-
sations with successful businessmen. Two
of these described specific aspects of their
problems. I have also obtained a similar
impression from general reading. A third
item is my own research, which proposes
a mathematical model to explain why
an increase in LQ. raises earnings less
for blacks than it does for whites. Its
name, the cooperative-correlation model,
is much shorter than its explanation.
PLAYBOY: Do you feel that certain scien-
tific groups that should be dealing with
this issue are simply ignoring it?
SHOCKLEY: Yes. My primary target for
this criticism is the National Academy of
Sciences. Another group I would single
out specifically consists of the tenured
members of faculties and departments of
anthropology in the country. Most of
these anthropologists tend to maintain
that race is a myth and there can't possi-
bly be any differences in intelligence or
anything else deeper than skin color.
They will go further, of course, and say
that even if there were differences, there
wouldn't be anything one could do about

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PLAYBOY

it. Both of these statements are irre-
sponsible.

PLAYBOY: Most of your critics assume
that there is some ulterior motive for
your highly inflammatory views, such as
racism or some political intent. Is there?
And how do we know that you don't
have any secret political ax to grind?
That you aren't a racist wolf in hu-
manitarian sheep's clothing?

SHOCKLEY: I guess I really don't know how
you can convince people of that. Emi-
nent political figures have tried with
great eloquence and expressiveness to
convey such impressions, sometimes quite
successfully, sometimes even when un-
true. I wouldn't pretend to have the
expertise that politicians have. One char-
acteristic that would make me an unlike-
ly candidate for a covert racist ideology
is my not entirely unrecognized lack of
tactfulness in some areas. The outspo-
kenness that I have is, I think, by and
large, not in keeping with a man who
has any skills in being deceptive in po-
litical matters. That would be about the
best argument I could give.

PLAYBOY: Even so, you are undoubtedly
aware that some people would sooner
see you in prison than allow you to ex-
press these opinions, though the First
Amendment protects your right to say
what you have said. Do you have any
thoughts on freedom of speech?
SHOCKLEY: The words that define the
First Amendment seem to me to be some
of the most important words put on
paper by man. I compare their signifi
cance in the political arena with state-
ments in science like Newton's third law
of motion: "For every action there is
equal and opposite reaction." I have
stressed the point that the First Amend-
ment was a lesson that the German
people didn't learn during Hitler's time
I don't believe he would have lasted if
the First Amendment had been in place
in Germany.

PLAYBOY: Do you worry about reprisals?
SHOCKLEY: Not really. As my wife has
often said, to do what I do, you must
have three things: honesty, a secure pro-
fessional reputation and financial securi-
ty. I have those three things and thus
have no excuse not to try to commu
cate what I believe will benefit mankind.
PLAYBOY: How are you hoping readers
will respond to the concerns you have
raised in this interview?

SHOCKLEY: I am hoping that it will trig-
ger someone who is sitting on the edge
of making a decision, saying, “I should
take a stand on this.” He might then
take action. Get a propo: on a

ballot or organize a demonstration. I
don't know who it would be. My main

them this interview has been that the
diagnosis of racial problems can be done
and that good things might happen as

102 a result of open-minded research.

PLAYBOY: What if, in the final analysis,
you are proved wrong about all of tl
SHOCKLEY: I've got my answer for that
one: My chagrin over a scientific setback
would be more than offset by the fact
that these new scientific results would
go far toward eliminating what would
have to be regarded, then, as an unwar-
ranted prejudice against blacks.

PLAYBOY: That's very interesting. Per-
haps more than any public figure in the
history of this nation, you have been
booed off speaking platforms at college
campuses, hung in effigy and generally
greeted as bad news. How did you feel
when that began to happen to you?
SHOCKLEY: I think the frst time was at
Sacramento State in 1969 or so. There
were people dressed in Ku Klux Klan
uniforms and I remember a man coming
up to the platform and offering me a
Nazi salute. Then there was the situa-
tion at Brooklyn Polytechnic Institute,
where there was a 20th-anniversary meet-
ing of the scientific honorary research
society Sigma Xi. They had asked me to
speak and I accepted and told them the
tide of my talk, which had the words
race and dysgenics in it. A week before

“There were people
dressed in Ku Klux
Klan uniforms and aman
came up to the platform and
offered me a Nazi salute.”

I was to give the talk, they called and
asked me to speak on physics. I refused.
The net result of this was that they can-
celed the whole meeting and sent out
about 500 telegrams one day before the
scheduled meeting.

PLAYBOY: You were involved in a rather
famous dispute at Leeds University in
England, weren't you?

SHOCKLEY: Yes. Someone thought the
transistor deserved to be recognized, and
so I was invited to accept an honorary
doctor of science degree from Leeds in
May of 1973. I was in London in Febru-
ary of that year to lecture to electrical
engineers to commernorate the 25th an-
niversary of the transistor. I can remem-
ber well that it was February, because
the most dramatic incident occurred on
my 63rd birthday, the 13th of the month.
Lord Boyle, the vice-chancellor of the
university, invited me to have cocktails
at the Carlton Club, the noted conserva-
tive club in England. He and I had a
pleasant conversation for a few moments,
and then he sai Dr. Shockley, when
we decided to award this degree, we were
not aware of your other interests." T at
once began to wonder about this and

said, "Lord Boyle, are you leading up to
saying that when I come to Leeds Uni-
versity you would like me to behave in
some way other than I would normally
behave, or are you saying you'd like me
to forget the whole thing?" He replied,
“A frank question deserves a frank an-
swer. We'd like you to forget the whole
thing.” After I broke that story to the
press, the news coverage in England was
comparable to that of Graham's sperm
bank here. David Frost interviewed me
as the first of a new series.

PLAYBOY: Did it ever occur to you that
you might actually get hurt at some of
those disruptions?

SHOCKLEY: Yes. There was one occasion
when I saw a man in the audience with
something that looked very like a sword
cane. Гуе been a little concerned ii
other situations but not very much. Inci-
dentally, I've acquired great confidence
in the competence of the police and
security forces.

PLAYBOY: After 15 years of this and at the
age of 70, Dr. Shockley, one would think
you'd be rather tired of this crusade. Any
rewards you have received must be in-
tensely personal in nature, since the
world has not exactly welcomed your
theories with open arms. What we're
wondering, finally, is how you feel about
the work you have done and how you
would characterize the risks involved in
being a “raceologist,” as you have de-
scribed yourself elsewhere.

SHOCKLEY: As I have said before, I don't
feel myself that the risks are very large.
Young scientists would jeopardize their
careers by doing research or expressing
views like mine. Such risks have been
much smaller for me. I have felt that
this fact places an obligation on me to
continue. One fellow scientist, whom I
meet every year or so, usually greets me
with, "Well, here you are again. I didn't
know whether you would be here an-
other year.” Actually, I have had very
few threats. Although sometimes in the
press I may not come across accurately.
I find that most people, or at least most
who talk with me, accept the fact that
my intentions are good. I believe this
goes a long way toward eliminating the
type of hostility that might otherwise
exist. As for my personal motivations to
continue pressing this subject despite my
advanced age, I once used a letter-to-the-
editor opportunity, while responding to
a column in Presbyterian Life identify
ing me as a disciple of Hitler, to dis-
cuss it in these words: "During the last
five minutes of my life, should I have
my intellectual powers intact, I hope to
consider that since engaging in this cam-
райт, I have used my capacities close to
their maximum potential in keeping
with the objective of Nobel's will of
conferring greatest benefit on mankind."

WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PLAYBOY?

A man who knows that loving is a gentle art. He buys her yellow chrysanthemums, because red
roses seem too obvious. He enjoys the sudden excitement of being caught in the rain, and he loves
her when she laughs along with him. He is, at heart, a romantic. With PLAYBOY readers he is in
good company. They buy a quarter of all the cut flowers sold in America. What sort of man Ұ
reads PLAYBOY? One who knows the power of a romantic gesture. (Source: Target Group Index) @ы

ILLUSTRATION BY ELIZABETH BENNETT

Dowery to finance his Speculations in
Stock of the East India Company, as
well as thro’ Holdings in the Bank of
England, he had grown extremely rich,
and ev'rything he did, it seem'd, made
him richer.

Sir Laurence chose to live mainly in
London, pleading the Excuse of his busi-
ness Dealings; tho’ i’ faith, Gaming and
Whoring probably occupied many of his
Leisure Hours. He left his Wife, Cecilia,
to preside o'er the Great House and
Park in Wiltshire and to instruct the
Children, Daniel, Mary end myself, in
the Virtues which he had neither Time
nor Indination to impart, either by
Precept or by Example.

My Position in the Family was neither
that of an Inheritor of the Family For-
tune nor that of a Servant. I was a
Foundling, lov'd for my Qui
russet Curls and my playful Dispo:
yet not granted the Indulgences given
to a proper Child, who, for better or
worse, is of one’s own Blood.

My Step-Mother, Lady Bellars, was one
of the most wretchéd Creatures who
ever liv'd, tho’ had she been a Man, her
Fortune and Beauty would have made
her happy. Too clever to spend her Life
betwixt the Tea-Table and the Card-
Table, too sweet of Disposition to nag
and scold her Husband for his long
‘Absences, his Whoring and Gaming, and
too timid to be a female Rake in the
Fashion of the Day, and to use her
married State as a Cloak to cover divers
Amours, she languish'd in the Country,
devoting herself to her Children far
past the Age when they requir'd Care,
and to a Menagerie of Beasts on whom
she lavish'd a more than natural Mater-
nal Affection. So devoted was she to her
Menagerie that e'en upon the rare Occa-
sions when Lord Bellars sent for her to
come to London, she dedin'd, pleading
the Care of her Animals.

Thus, from my earliest Childhood, I
had before me the Example of what a
blighted, unloving Marriage could do to
a Woman of tender Disposition, and I
resolv'd in my Heart ne'er to let become
of me what had become of my gentle
Step-Mother, who, I sincerely believ'd,
was driven half mad by the painful
Betrayals practiced upon her by her
Husband. I learn'd from her to be wary
of the Male Sex and to view ev'ry hand-
some Gallant and Man of Pleasure as a
likely Robber of my Wits and my Peace
of Mind.

That Lesson was to be tested soon
enough. Thro'out the Peace and Plenty
of my Country Childhood, I was told I
was growing into a Beauty. I say this
out of no Immodesty; i' faith, I scarce
believ'd it myself. Like most Young

106 Girls, when І lookt at myself in the

Glass, I saw nought but my own grievous
Faults; yet was I call'd a Beauty so oft’
that I came to understand the World
regarded me thus. ‘Twas merely the
Condition of my Life that I should set
Swains to sighing and Footmen to fon-
dling my Hand longer than need be
whilst helping me down from Chariots.

Just as my HalfSister, Mary, was stub-
by and stout, had a Face like a suet
Pudding, and Hair of Mouse Colour, I
was, by the perilous Age of Seventeen,
straight and tall (too tall, I thought)
with flaming Hair (too russet for my
Taste), the brownest of Eyes (would that
they were green!), a Bosom blue-white
as skimm'd Milk (I minded not the
Colour but the Size!), long taper'd Fin-
gers (O my Hands were pretty—I would
grant that!) and slender Legs (but who
should sec 'em 'neath my Petticoats?)
ending in clever Feet that could do any
complicated Dance whatsoe'er (for all
the Good 'twould do me here in the dull
Country!). For all these Things, I was
teas'd and tormented by Daniel and
silently hated by Mary, whilst my poor
distracted Step-Mother tended to her
Animals and seem'd wholly oblivious to
the Fact that her three tender Human
Charges were no longer little Babes, but
were growing to an Age when all the
Envies, Vices and Temptations of the
World might snare 'em.

"Twas about that Season in our Lives
when Lord Bellars, who had been chiefly
in London o'er the last three Years
(with only brief Visits Home), came into
the Country.

When the News reach'd me that he
was bringing down from London with
him no less a Personage than the Great
Poet, Mr. Alexander Pope, I could
hardly believe my Ears. Mr. Pope—
whose Rape of the Lock I had got al-
most by Heartl

A Man who could write that must
be the most sensitive Soul that e'er
livd! He must have Eyes that see ev'ry
Thing and a Heart that beats out the
Suff'rings of the smallest Creature alive.
Here, perchance, was a Man who could
understand me, a Man with a great
enough Heart, a great enough Mind—
not like the foolish Country Boys who
gap'd at me in the Village, not like
Daniel, who could think of nothing but
Excuses for jostling me upon the Stairs
or thrusting his greasy Hands into my
Bosom.

All Day 1 linger'd at the Windows of
my Bedchamber, dreaming o'er a Book
of Mr. Pope's Poetry, fancying myself
invited to London to mingle with Wits
in a Coffee-house, to stroll thro’ Pall
Mall or Covent Garden, to go by
Wherry to Twickenham with Mr. Pope

and be invited to view his fam'd Faery
Grotto.

I must have changed my Gown three
Times that Day, throwing off Dresses
and putting ‘em on as if I were a
Surolling Actress in a Barn! First, I wore
the dovegray saque-backed Silk with
the yellow Stomacher and Apron; then I
changed into a blue Gown with my
prettiest. embroiderd Apron and a
Tucker of white Lace; but at last, I
chose a cherry-colour'd Damask with no
"Tucker at all, because I had heard that
Ladies in London wore their Bosoms
almost bare and I did not wish to be
thought a plain Country Wench!

‘Twas almost Twilight when the
Chariot with six Horses datter'd into
View, greeted by the Barking of all our
Dogs. Yet still I linger'd at my Window,
dabbing my Bosom out of a Vial of
tuberose Scent, biting my Lips to make
'em redder.

How had I imagin'd Mr. Pope? Can I
not have heard till then that he was a
Hunchback? Or can it be that Memory
deceives me? Ne'ertheless, I fancied him
in the Mould of one of the Heroes of a
French Romance, perhaps because the
Imagination of a Girl of Seventeen is
apt to clothe a Poet in Colours of his
own making. His Words were Hand-
some, so should his Figure be! Nothing
else was possible.

Imagine my Surprize and Discomfi-
ture when I saw the Figure that emerged
from the Carriage!

He was not above four and one half
foot tall and his Back hump'd so pro-
digiously betwixt his Shoulder Blades
that his fawn Coat must have been a
"Taylor's Marvel to accommodate it! He
seem'd to be wearing not one but sev'ral
Pairs of silk Stockings at once, and yet
his Legs were so piteously thin that the
Stockings creas'd and hung on ‘em as if
they were Twigs rather than Flesh.
Under his Coat and Waistcoat, he wore
a sort of fur Doublet (such as our An-
cestors wore), perhaps to bulk out his
crooked and wasted Form, or perhaps to
guard against the Chills such Flesh must
be Heir to. From my Window's Height,
I could not see his lower'd Face, but
beside Lord Bellars, he lookt like a sort
of Question Mark of Humanity standing
next to a Poplar Tree. Lord Bellars was
tall and straight, with broad Shoulders
and manly, muscular Legs. Under his
black Beaver cocked Hat, edged with
deep gold Lace, he wore a fine riding
Wig, and when he threw his Head back
to laugh at some Witticism the Poet had
шпег“, I glimps'd a handsome Roman
Nose, a clear olive Complexion, glowing
with Life and Fire, and Eyes that
sparkl'd like Dew Drops upon Rose
Petals. His Laugh was as resonant and

(continued on page 203)

107

s supposed to be my debut!”

“Natasha, you bitch! This wa

she’s hom. japan with a new handle on her
looking even better than she did when we

PHOTOGRAPHY BY JOHN DEREK

..Io BACK

IN THESE DRY, dusty days of August, we knew you'd enjoy seeing a photograph-
ic record of one wet afternoon in the life of Bo Derek. She's bathing in a
traditional Japanese bathhouse on the Izu Peninsula just south of Tokyo.
You may remember that when we last left Bo (in our first pictorial on her,
Bo, last March), she and husband John were headed for a vacation in Japan.
Now it turns out that the Japan trip was more than a vacation; it was a
time of decision making for a young woman whose sudden fame had starded
her as much as her beauty had startled millions of people who saw her in
the movie “10.” “I didn't expect "70" to cause such a reaction to me," she
says, "and I wasn't prepared to see myself described in print аз a sex goddess,
‘the most beautiful woman’ and all that." (text continued on page 222)

The young Japanese woman bathing with Bo chanced to be in the bathhouse when
the Dereks arrived and John thought her lovely enough to include in his photos.

My IRRE:

i hii Bun ' А

Wt | t \ n

Wu.
NN MUN

REAGAN
QUESTION

he's been in the public eye for so long that we just
assume we know what makes him tick. but do we?

article By ROBERT SCHEER

“iT was FRIDAY, so, according to the
schedule, it must have been Augusta,
Gcorgia—steamy, sultry and dull
where we met the two ladies in the
hotel lobby, wearing the current thigh-
revealing, splitskirt fashion they were
showing in New York. They sported
the Reagan straw hats and buttons
but also the pushed-up-cleavage look
that one often finds at Republican
dinners, a throwback to the Forties
tease who played opposite Ronald
Reagan the actor. And it must be
conceded that a REAGAN FOR PRESIDENT
button pinned near the exposed por-
tion of a woman's breast takes on a
campy, rakish quality, making it less
chilling when they flash that big smile

and say they like Ronnie because he'll
give us more bombs and throw the
bums off welfare.

"There was a contradiction here that
one encountered in state after state,
traveling with the Reagan campaign.
On the one hand, the puritanical
and aged warrior intoning a death
chant against the godless Communists,
permissive Government, the immoral
homosexuals, the welfare cheats, unre-
lieved and simplistic in its enmity but
always selfrightcous and pure. On the
other hand, the people drawn to him
tending to be more 1 and hip than
one would expect from the campaign.
rhetoric. It is as if they want Reagan to
be something they no longer are.

ILLUSTRATION BY JOANN DALEY

That night in Augusta, the two at-
tractive women, both divorcees in th
late 30s, had imbibed a few drinks to
prepare them for the mecting Reagan
had planned with them and dozens of
other hard workers in his local cam-
paign. But as a result of th
stop, they missed "the next Pre:
of the United States.” They were left
to the consolation of a firi i
view with a film crew sent South by
TV producer Norman Lear to capture
the essence of what Ronnie's campaign
poster—the one with him in the cow-
boy hat looking 20 years younger—
calls “Reagan country.”

Earlier that day, in an interview
with me on the planc into Augusta,

121

PLAYBOY

Reagan had blamed the Federal Gov-
ernment for the breakup of the family by
encouraging perm 'eness. It therefore
seemed appropriate to ask those women
if they also were opposed to premarital
sex, “I love it!” said one who'd worked
for Reagan since her college days.

“But Ronald Reagan says the new
permissiveness and the Federal Gov-
ernment are breaking up the family,’
I said, "and he would strongly disap-
prove of your engaging in sex without
the blessings of marriage.”

And then, with camera lights on and
film presumably rolling, the aging cheer-
leader flashed that smile, tinged now
with wisdom and cynicism, and issued
her personal emancipation proclama-
tion: "Well .. . fuck him.

Does that mean she won't support
him? Hell, no. She'd still like Ronnie to
be President and set everyone else
straight. They've always liked Reagan
because he’s a strong moral leader who
would bring the country closer together
And they like his attacks on per-
missiveness: “I think we ought to have
tighter controls.”

Reagan can be magical on the stump,
because he can convince even a cynical
observer that he is a highly moral,
honest and purposeful man who has got
his act together and can do the same for
the country. His appeal is the nostalgic
onc—as in Reagan's movie roles—that
of the good boy next door who will do
right by the country, as he has for his
family and friends. In that role, he
effectively exudes an air of simple virtue
that allows the au i
ous gaps in his knowledge, his lackluster
cight years as governor and the reality
that his own family life has been quite
disorderly.

But people want the image more than
the truth. The Reagan sermon is a
throwback to the Jimmy Carter homi-
lies of 1976—"Ah just want a country
as good, honest, decent as are the Ama
ican people"—and then some assurance
about how wholesome everything was
back home in Plains, Georgia. The
people listening knew they weren't so
pure, but they hoped Jimmy might be.

We rarely heard about Carter's neph-
ew serving time in a California prison,
or the widespread usc of drugs by young
people in the county, or the good ol’
Carter boys’ checking out the latest crop
of divorced women at the Best Western
Inn near Plains, the closest they have to
a night lile down there.

Never mind—the voters wanted to
believe that , somewhere in
America, had a better life than they
were experiencing, and Jimmy's con
filled the void. Virtuous, Bible-studying
Jimmy could make us feel good all over
again and lead us to what Reagan now

somcor

122 calls "the shining city upon the hill"—

a phrase taken from the Puritans. But
Jimmy’s pristine image couldn't sustain
him through the Presidency, even though
he brought the image shapers—Pat Cad-
dell, Jerry Rafshoon, Ham Jordan, Jody
Powell and company right into the
White House. It failed because we are
not alw so hard-working, selfless and
lacking in greed as Carter pretended.
His mind ever on the polls, he would not
tell us what we didn't want to hear or
lead in an unpopular direction. So the
age shrivels and the man himself ends
up appearing weak and vacillating

Well, let's just try again. Now, Ronald
Reagan—there’s a man who rides tall
in the saddle; there's a man who can
solve our problems the way we used to,
who can take on the Russians and any-
one else who gets in our way. Let's hear
it for plain-speaking, two-fisted common
sensc. In an interview with me for the
Los Angeles Times of March 6, 1980, he
called the president of Panama “a pip-
squeak dictator who hasn't got as much
gross national product as Cincinnati,
Ohio.” And, as an indication of his Pr
dential negotiating style, he said, “From
the minute their dictator down there
told us that we had to give up the canal
or there was going to be trouble—he was
going to make trouble for us—that's
when we should have said to him, ‘Look.
Buster, you withdraw that threat or
there's no more negotiation or sitting at
a table with you, because we're not, in
the eyes of the world, going to give this
up in answer to a threat of violence.

Reagan's inherent promise is to solve
our problems without additional sacri-
fice, without adding to our burdens—
be they taxes or the draft. He is trusted
the way a slicker like George Bush or
John Connally wasn't—never to try any
more newfangled Governmental ap-
proaches or programs. Enough with
change.

It is a mood well understood by
Reagan's elder daughter, Maureen, who
campaigns for her father but is an аф
vocate of change and disagrees with
Reagan on the E.R.A. She is an at
tractive and strong-willed woman who
has lived a bit, been divorced and has
worked as an editor, a secretary and an
actress to pay the bills on her Los An-
geles aparument. She is a delight to inter-
view, because she keeps the Scotch
coming and refuses to. play the Goody
Two-shoes role of а candidate's poster
family. She can be brutal in her co
ments, as on the prodifers: "After deal-

ng with those people for years, 1
convinced they are not anti-abortion,
they are anti-sex.” But she is also sym-
pathetic to why people are disoriented
by the changes that have occurred in
this country and judges that apprehen-
sion to be the source of her father's

greatest appeal: "You gotta understand
that people are starting to fight change
now because they're scared; they can
only deal with so much; they can only
handle so much that's diff om the
it was supposed to be, and it isn't,
and the way they were raised. Most of us
are still part of a fairyland generation
and, if we did it all right, Prince
Charming was going to ride up on his
white horse and we were going to go
olf into the sunset and live happi
after. But it doesn’t work that way.
Maybe he's America's Prince Charming."

Maybe the Reagan phenomenon falls
under what Erich Fromm called the
escape from freedom. Maybe too much
change, too fast, with too few good re-
sults. Then there's Iran, inflation and
the Russians, and not being able to
believe in the dollar or working hard
for the future, “They” just push us
around and Jimmy Carter just takes it.

‘Traveling with the Reagan campaign,
you hear it everywhere, and Reagan is
the candidate best trained to play to that
desperation. He has been railing against
permissiveness, Big Government and
communism for more than 20 years now
and has become a creature of his one-
liners. Jim Lake, his former press secre-
tary, said in a conversation with me,
“Ronnie just cannot resist throwing that
red meat out to excite the audience and
he sometimes forgets whether he really
means it.

Lake, who intends to vote for Reagan,
was referring to the fact that in private
interviews, one encounters a more rea-
sonable Reagan, but on the campaign
hustings, he gets out of control and the
crowds love it.

“Just who do they think they are?” he
repeats over and over to a aowd in
Greensboro, North Carolina, without
ever making dear just who “they” are.
The sad tale that day has to do with
the Government bureaucrats’ coming
between a mother and her 15-year-old
daughter, who is in “deep trouble.” It’s
a story repeated in numerous other
campaign stops, with the mother “hug-
ging that child from birth on,” only to
suddenly lose control to the Feds. He
has used it so often that in Greensboro
he leaves out half the story. We never
do learn the nature of the “deep trouble”
and are left wondering whether she
committed a crime or was knocked up
by the New Deal. But the punch line—
“Just who do they think they are?"—
got big applause, anyway.

The best rouser is the one about th
Federal Government's "destroying the
American family." This last was even
stated in the Kepublican primary de-
bates, but no one had the presence of
d or the curiosity to ask Ronnie

(continued on page 226)

“Oh, my. That must be a bonsai."

123

PHOTOGRAPHY
BY MARIO CASILLI

COOKES
TOUR

forget fantasy
island—just feast

your eyes on this
in paradise

'ampionship
winner), Victoria Cooke watches
wistfully (above) as the sailboats glide
by off Oahu’s north shore.

ictoria Cooke loves the great outdoors. It is the only place she
feels truly at peace. She's energetic, physical, sensuous, ad-
venturous and extremely athletic and soon becomes restive
when surrounded by four walls. "Let's go outside,” she always
seems to be saying nicer outside.” But then, ever since her child-
hood, she has gravitated toward the wideopen spaces. Born in Cali-
fornia, the daughter of a real-estate developer, Victoria (one does not call
her Vickie) moved to Arizona at 17. After studying real estate and finance
at the University of Arizona (and appearing in PLavsoy's Girls of the Pac
10, October 1978), she became restless and just picked up and moved to
Hawaii. “I got tired of being in the desert,” she says. “I had a desire to go to
some faraway place, far from school and family, and be independent.” She'd

“I was an ugly duckling in high school,” says Victoria. “I tried
out for cheerleading so many times, but I just didn’t have the assets.
Then one day I suddenly had breasts and they just didn’t want

126 10 stop growing. Immediately, 1 started getting attention.”

“To me, falling in love
is the greatest thing
there is. Nothing else
matters when you're in
love. I've been infatuated
alot more often than
Гое been in love, and
sometimes it’s hard to
tell which is which; but
I honestly think that
e iencing different
relationships can help

you get a better definition
of what love really i

never been to Hawaii before
and found that her concept of
the islands differed radically from
the reality. “I had this roman-
tic image that Hawaii was just a
bunch of grass huts and deserted
beaches,” she recalls. “Boy, was
I surprised flying into Honolulu
Airport and seeing all those high-
rises along the beach; but I de-
cided to stay anyway—mainly
because I didn't have enough
money to leave." The first week,
with a paltry $100 left in her
purse, she took a bus tour around
the island of Oahu and did some
exploring on her own. "It was
50 beautiful, she says, "and I
felt a lot better about it." But
money was running low, so she
applied for jobs at hotels on Wai-
kiki Beach, only to be turned
away: She'd arrived during the
off season and nobody was hiring.
Which turned out to be a bless-
ing in disguise. since she even-
tually did get a job—an outdoor
onc—selling suntan lotion on the
beach. “I became a beach bum."
she says. “Eleven hours a day on
the beach, in the sun, peddling
lotions and surfboards.” She
prospered, mainly because, as she
herself admits, “I've got the gift
of gab and I'm excellent at sell-
ing things. Always have heen.”
Figuring that she could sell any
thing, Victoria got her real-estate
license and soon started selling
time-sharing condos. And she
prospered at that, too. “I'd stop
people in the hotels and say.
"Aloha, folks.’ and we'd take it
from there. I did quite well at
it." In fact, she did so well that
she had plenty of time to get
involved in sports during the day.
“I'd work till three o'clock. then
jog three or four miles, then
swim a few laps, then do a little
wind surfing or sailing. then just
collapse on the beach and watch
the sunset.” She became partic-
ularly adept at sailing 16-foot
catamarans and crewed on the
boat that won the 1979 Hawaii
State Championships. But then.
Victoria Cooke doesn't strike vou
is the sort of person who loses
at anything. She has certainly
won us over.

“Sailing is like sex,” sa Victoria. "When you haven't done it
for a while, it's especially great!” As you can sce (top), she
hasn't lost the flair. And, of course, after a day of sailing, what
better way to relax than a beach party with friends (above)?

PLAYMATE DATA SHEET

NAME: ita. > &. Cos >

BUST: За warst: AD HIPS: DS
F
HETCHT: DL ывтснт:ЦӘ srn: Bag DD DD

BIRTH DATE: BIS BIRTHPLACE: Момын бой —
AMBITIONS: Yo v. Luan A уку алй XX URAN 0

FAVORITE MOVIES: М f
omas shtick, Lueng Atxı Pino Pamer

FAVORITE ENTERTAINERS: Anene inn naD Фал,

ER BEN ctiani,
TURN-OFFS: ani

LEAST FAVORITE PHRASE: S& MISLI. . -

FAVORITE COUNTRY:_J.S.A = fogs. meins,

Ina > fos denen уу bie > URLS WARD LR AEN Choma...
PEOPLE YOU'RE TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT: “Ka à Doh,

lye EINE 40р. TS Rip. SELBER

PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES

My current boyfriend doesn't call his sexual
organ John Henry or Big Gcorge or any name
like that, the way some fellows do," the girl
confided to a close friend. "Instead. he calls
it Confidence.”

“Because he never has any trouble getting
it up?

“In part, yes
instilling it in me’

but also because he keeps

Our Unabashed Dictionary defines gay pride
as a group ol homosexual lions.

double dates," groaned the fellow to his buddy.
"we better have our own car."

Unbra'd in her T-shirt, Miss Young
Caused antilib cads to give tongue.
And ‘twas off she'd get pissed

When a chauvinist hissed,
“You are certainly, lady, well hung!”

Why are you in this particular line of work?”
a sociology researcher asked the massage-parlor
girl.

Im in the clutches of a loan shark named
Paul something or other." the girl replied, "so
I'm rubbing peters to pay Paul

There's a susceptible physician with a lithe,
big purring cat of a receptionist with whom he
spends many Wednesday afternoons when
he has told his wile he'll be golfing, He doesn't
consider it actually lying. though, since the fact
is that he really will be on the lynx.

Our Unabashed Dictionary defines sexual Iu-
bricant as greasy id мий.

A not-too-bright habitué of a neighborhood
bar had finally married. so when he next
stopped by, one of the other regulars malicious
ly asked him, “How many times did you do it
on your wedding night, Gus?

"How many? Oh. six and a half.

"Six times? How did you сусг m:
And what was that hall time?”

It was like this,” Gus explained, "in, out.
in, out out—and then in!”

age that?

Were been told about an old rabbi who has
performed so many circumeisions that he's
popularly known as Max the Knife.

les the weirdest groupmedicine clinic," the
patient reported, “because of the doors of the
various doctors’ offices. The orthopedist's has
a broken hinge. the oculist's has a peephole.
the psychiatrist's is painted in crazy colors—
and the gynecologist's is open just a crack."

Our Unabashed Dictionary defines orgy as
rolling with the bunches.

There's an Allen who lives in La Salle
With a dream that inflates his morale:
It's a dollar a gallon
At the gas pump for Allen—
But there's ass at a dollar a gal!

Someone has compared Southern California
to a granola cereal: When the nuts and the
fruits have been removed. whats left are the

flakes.

Our Unabashed Dictiona!
comedian as an obscene jest

defines off-color

The record of Ben Franklin's sexual exploits
leads inevitably to the conclusion that he
didn’t invent the lightning rod. He was born
with one.

Г few today with so incredibly stacked а stew-
one navigator told another in awed
that even the automatic pilot made a
pass at hei

During the summer months in Fun City, a
voung man was sleeping in a subway train
late at night with a copy of The New York
Times open on his lap. Suddenly, a wild-eyed
girl darted into the car. clawed through the
newspaper. unzipped the startled rider and
applied her mouth to his manhood!

Ever since, he's been recounting to buddies
how he got a job through the Times

Heard a funny one lately? Send it on a post-
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY,
Playboy Bldg., 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago.
Il. 60511. $50 will be paid to the contributor
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned.

un *

^I can't do it with mirrors, Debbie—I keep looking at my bald spot."

LLL

137

THE DOOBIE BROTHERS-
FROM THE TOP

article By JOHN ESKOW

america’ favorite band has come a long way
from honky-tonks—but thats the price you pay for success

OOKING ILL AT EASE in their tuxedos, The Doobie Broth-
ers strode onstage at this year’s Grammy Awards cere-
mony to receive a thunderous ovation and four of the
litle golden gramophones that signify overwhelming
success in the record business. The rockers, who later
posed for snapshots with beaming, well-fed record mo-
guls, had ushered in the Seventies with Listen to the Music
and ridden it out with Minute by Minute. It had been a long
decade, and the band whose very name epitomized hippie

values—doobie is San Francisco slang for joint—had followed
rock "n' roll through changing styles and passions into mid-
dle age. Now, after ten years of one-night stands, the Doobies
even had their own celebrity golf tournament.

Of the seven men who stood grinning onstage, only guitarist
Pat Simmons was an original Doobie; the others had followed
serpentine paths to stardom. From their lives—personal and

story of rock"n'roll survival emerges. When
rock history begins to seem like a scrapbook of obituaries, The

ILLUSTRATION BY JOHN YOUSSI

PLAYBOY

Doobie Brothers march on, to places they
never expected to go.
+

"In this business, it’s as though уоп
have a license to do whatever you want,”
says Keith Knudsen, one of the band's
two drummers. “We used to wreck motel
rooms and get wasted all the time; but
now we're incorporated, so we have
group dental plans, medical plans, prof-
itsharing plans." He tugs at a strap of
his denim overalls, less a pop star than
a barefoot executive whose firm happens
to be the hottest band in America.

When Knudsen joined the group,
1973, it was still in its infancy. It had
been conceived in the winter of 1969 by
singer Tom Johnston and drummer John
Hartman, both of whom have since de-
parted. The early members were bar
musicians from the San Jose area, and
one wadition of the band is that all
the men have endured long years in
honky-tonks, playing for rowdies, dodg-
ing missiles from the crowd.

"In the early years, we played to bikers
a lot,” says mons. “People got hurt;
I remember carrying a stab victim out of
the parking lot. This was at the Chateau
Liberté, a funky old roadhouse the
mountains near Los Gatos, the birth-
place of The Doobie Brothers. But most
of the bikers who came to hear us—
Hell's Angels Gypsy Jokers—became
our friends. They could identify with us
because we were funky—we all rode
bikes, we all dressed in leather jackets
and Levis and motorcycle boots."

In 1972, the group scored its first ma-
jor hit with Listen to the Music, a
bouncy reveille that became a staple of
FM stations for years to come. The song’s
innocence defined the era: “What the
people need is a way to make them
smile / It ain't so hard to do if you know
how.” The hypnotic title, repeated 14
es, was an ideal sound track for crash-
pad bliss-outs. It was good rock: pagan
Gospel. And the secret of the band's
name—pretty racy for that period—
circulated in schools and communes,
with knowing smiles and winks.

Follow-up hits, including Long Train
Runnin’, Black Water and China Grove,
clinched their reputation as the arche-
typal boogie band, and they began tour-
ing heavily about the time Knudsen
joined them. "We'd tour the States four
es a year, six weeks a shot, six nights
a week. Those were burnouts,” he says.

Simmons elaborates: “It used to be an
ongoing party. I'd go 60 hours without
sleeping, totally crazed—of course, this
required chemical aid, which usually was
furnished. But mainly it was just the
energy of playing. At the height of the
madness, we were really into the role of
hard-assed rock players. Into our hype.

мо You know—cocaine for dessert.”

To certify what Knudsen calls the
rocker's license, the band engaged in
standard forms of hotel sabotage. “We'd
take all the objects in a hotel room,”
Simmons recalls, “and turn them upside
down; or put everything in the bath-
room—mattresses, TV set, chairs; that
was our symbol of anarchy. But after we
got the first couple of bills, we stopped.
Because a $9.95 item always comes back
to you as a hundred bucks. And pretty
soon you get tired of paying ten dollars
for a 25-cent ashtray.

These days, the Doobies’ conduct is
businesslike, verging on the staid, and
they are welcome guests at hotels. They
journey from gig to gig in two 25-pas-
senger planes, Martin 404s, equipped
with couches, TVs, stereos and galleys.
But there's very little mania on board:
Most of the Doobies don't even smoke
ju: more.

Over the years, they've seen a fall-off
in dope taking by their audiences, too,
while alcohol fumes grow thicker in the
arenas. “Drug use has definitely slowed
down,” says Knudsen. “It used to be that
you could tell what drugs were in town
by the crowds—especially in Detroit.
Slow dapping when Quzaludes had come
into town. Since a great part of a rock
audience has always been people who
want to be the musicians, they want to
get high the way the musicians do—
whether it's yoga or tequila.

"But nowadays I see a lot of young
kids fucked up on alcohol. In those
10,000-seat arenas, after we do our final
encore and they switch up the lights—
it's amazing to watch how fast 10,000
people can leave an arena—you look
around at a stadium littered with liquor
bottles. Whiskey and tequila, mostly.”

Bass player Tiran Porter chips in: "It's
the old boogic-till-you-puke mentality

And yet those drunken kids represent
only a fraction of the Doobies audience.
On record, their principal appeal is to
an upwardly mobile, young middle class.
In 1975, when singer Johnston was re-
placed by Michael McDonald—arguably
ihe best white singcr in rock—the band
made a radical change in attack. Mc-
Donald is a blue-eyed soul crooner, a
devotee of Marvin Gaye; with his lush
keyboard work and urgent, sexy vocals,
the group secmed to be following its
audience from Woodstock to Westches-
ter. And under producer Ted Temple-
man, its sound has been oiled and
buffed into a sleek and purring soft
funk machine.

The Doobies encapsulate the decade in
rock. And on the afternoon I met them,
they were doing the Dinah Shore show.

“Dinah Shore? Group dental plans?
Golf tournaments? Hey, man, like,
whither rock?”

I recognize that nagging, adenoidal
voice: It’s myself, ten years ago. John at
19, scrawny and wasted, sits trimming
his fingernails with a knife—a mode of
hygiene he picked up from a Kerouac
novel. He's scowling. He always scowls.

“The rock band as corporation. Wow!
Never thought I'd live to see the day.
man." I look at the disheveled speed
freak with a kind of nostalgic repug-
nance. He sits there, cocksure, a rock-
will-change-the-world theorist to whom
dental plans are sheer anathema and
TV a sworn enemy. He loves the carly
Doobie Brothers for their fusion of
guitar rock and campfire sing-alongs:
When he's berated in the streets with
cries of “Take a bath,” “Go to Russia,”
"Cut your hair," the songs—like old
labor-union anthems—give him courage.
Now he feels betrayed.

"Golf tournaments. Thats the one
that rcally tore it, man. I mean, can you
picture the Jimi Hendrix Desert Classic?
Or the Brian Jones Pro-Am?”

In my guise as a grownup. I try to
reason with him. Both of the musicians
he invokes are dead: Think of all the
fiery loons who lie, unincorporated, in
early graves. Rock has proved itself to be
a homicidal business, no place for heroes.
If you band together in 1980—a cor-
porate era—you'd better have more than
four or six fellow zanies by your side.
Simply put. a band is outnumbered.

John at 19 takes another swig of cheap
Burgundy and srowls. He's not listening.
He's still muttering the names of imagi-
nary tournaments to himself: “The Janis
Joplin Invitational— wow!”

Shaking the speed freak loose, I ride
over to the studio to watch the Dinah!
taping. The air is incredibly thick today,
like breathing Cheez Whiz. The low
studio buildings, painted bone white and
peach, stand like fortresses in the midst
of the smog alert. As the band's press
agent walks me to the sound stage,
droning of TV specials and platinum
albums, he leaves out the one saving
grace of this appearance. The Doobics
are using the show to promote their
volvement in the anti-nuclcar-power
movement, and Knudsen has linked theii
stance with the drunken kids he sees at
concerts: “Hopefully, this cause will give
kids something to get straight about.”
(In fact, many of the events that so
nauseate the young John benefit chari
ties. The golf tournament, for example,
raised over $25,000 for the United Way.)

Backstage, the Doobies chat with their
guests, Jackson Browne and Bonnie
Raitt, both pioneers in the rock-against-
nukes movement. Meanwhile, out front,
Dinah's warm-up man works the crowd—
Pasadena retirces, widows with chiffon

(continued on page 187)

CLEAR
SAILING
AHEAD!

come aboard, mateys,
we think you'll like the cut
of this year's seeworthy fashions

attire By DAVID PLATT

FEW ACTIVITIES make more sense in these energy-conscious days than
running with the wind on open waters. And sailing the briny or a
fresh-water lake is even more pleasurable when your first mate isn't
Mr. Christian and you're togged out in gear that doesn’t look as
though it were designed for the movie Treasure Island. Clichéed
yachting looks, in fact, have been decp-sixed in favor of more free-
spirited styles that are in keeping with today's fashion currents. The
gear. of course, is „but

that’s no reason you can't go down to the sea in sty! s we've
done on these pages aboard the charter schooner Antares. Cast off!

ill designed for warmth and wearabil

B elow: Shipshape and stylish clothes are the order of the day for this
young sailor ond his oble-bodied crew of one. He’s weoring a cotton/
nylon terrycloth short-sleeved pullover, about $47, combined with lightweight
cotton twill Western jeans, obout $40, both by Geoffrey Beene for Chesa.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY ULI ROSE

TOL ROGER,

-1 etie

Ee ec

L eft: No friggin‘-in-the-riggin’
jokes, please. This lad's
headed aloft aboard the 107-foot
Antares decked out in a cotton/
polyester jacket, about $200, plus
cotton walking shorts, about $75,
both by Browns Clothiers, and a
cotton knit short-sleeved shirt with
placket front, by Bert Pulitzer, $22.50.

B «кшй loughstilie fore
loving couple take a bow
break to watch their watery world go
by. His clothes? A colorful cotton
terrycloth four-button V-neck short-
sleeved shirt with knit trim, $28.50,
worn with cotton/polyester pleated
swim trunks, $10, both by Ron
Chereskin for State of Maine.

R ight: Life on board
а charter schooner
includes ample doses of
son and spray, so it's

not surprising that after a
few days everyane
begins to let down his
hair, including our

guy, who's eager to brush
up on his own railside
techriques. He's wearing
а сопоп/пуіоп terrycloth
reversible jacket, $75,
with a cotton/polyester
mesh-weove shirt,

about $21, ond cotton/
polyester chintz slacks,
$36, all by Nino Cerruti
Sport. (In case you're
wondering, her nifty
slacks are by Dickies.)

L eft: More of this stylish young
salt's wardrobe includes a

nylon U. S. Navy-type flight jacket
featuring a biswing back and

knit collar ond cuffs, by Avirex-
Aeranautica, about $50; catton
striped long-sleeved crew-neck with
three-button shoulder treatment,
by Gant, about $21; and Western
jeans, by Wrangler, about $19.

В elaw: Far keeping the spray at
bay or after sunset, you

won't ga wrong in a Dacron/cotton
zippered jacket with drawstring hood
and bottom, slosh packets and
adjustable snap cuffs, $80, that’s
worn with matching slacks that have
belt loops, slash pockets and straight
legs, $45, bath by Mighty-Mac.

R ight: We're not
obout to claim

that the seagoing
activities oboard the
Antares (whose home
port, incidentally, is St.
Thomas in the U. S.
Virgin Islands) are al-
ways this wet and wild,
but it is a shoregone
conclusion that taking
your own bikinied bru-
nette definitely ups the
odds in your favor. And
we're quick to add that
a colorful wardrobe that
includes this Hawaiian-
print shirt, $28, and
cotton shorts, $18,
both by Pua Hawoii,
doesn't hurt, either.

2 article By HARRY STEIN

nd so it has come to this.
A guy I know, someone with whom I used to play football, a fellow
who, you'll have to trust me, used to have a fair amount of gump-
tion, called me last week to announce his belief that the vote should
be taken away from men.

"Listen," he explained, “I know it sounds drastic, but it’s the
only way things are ever going to change. We men have run this world
for thousands of years now and look where it’s gotten us. We've de-
stroyed the environment and brutalized entire populations in precise-
ly the same way we have, as individuals, butchered relationships and
brutalized our women: ”

“Excuse me,” I interrupted, “but how did you come up with
that notion?”

There was a momentary pause at the other end. “Uh, well,
actually, it was my girlfriend who kind of threw out the idea... .”

How else?

Christ, have they done a job on us! As a sex, we men have been in
headlong retreat for so long that we have come to accept as plausible
just about any accusation hurled by an angry woman. They tell us
we're spoiled children, incapable of relationships based on mutual

finally, a man’s guide to survival in today’s sexual jungle

147

PLAYBOY

giving and trust. “Yeah,” we say, "there's
a lot of truth to that, we guess.” They
tell us we're congenital bounders, unable
to commit to somcone for a month, let
alone a lifetime. “OK,” we admit, “that
is a problem, but we're working on it.”

All right, there are some less than
ideal men out there, Neanderthals of
the James Cagney grapelruitin-the-[ace
school, and fellows whose idea of ro-
mantic fulfillment is making 300 women,
including at least one from each Com-
mon Market nation. before the age of 30.

But this nonsense about all of us, as a
species, being tainted has gone on long
cnough. It's about time for general ac-
knowledgment of a very simple truth:
The vast majority of men, like the vast
majority of women, are looking for
healthy, nourishing relationships. All we
want, for God's sake, is to feel good with
someone.

How, then, did we get such a bad
rap? A lot of it has to do with simple
repetition. Since more than a decade ago,
when the women's movement identified
the long, now fami list of economic
and social inequities that had marked
this society from the beginning, not a
day has passed without some reference in
the media to the woman's struggle for
equality. It was a very short step from
recognition of those inequities to the
assertion that men, in general, are op-
pressors; and, from there, that we con
tinue to oppress in each of a thousand
ways, daily, unthinkingly, unfeclingly. It
didn't take long for the movies (Carnal
Knowledge, Diary of a Mad Housewife,
Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore, An
Unmarried Woman, Girlfriends, et al.),
and then even TV, in its tepid way, to
pick up the theme. Since there was a
large element of truth to it all—a great
many men had been insensitive to what
was going on in their mates’ heads and
hearts, and many continue to be—it was
easy to swallow the canard whole.

"Then, too, women have exercised the
power of numbers. There has been much
dainful talk in recent years, most of
it by women, about male bonding, but
during this era of pitched battle be-
tween the sexes, it has been they, and not
we, who have come together for collec-
tive security. Forget about NOW and the
other mass organizations. Every day, by
the hundreds of thousands, women gath-
er in groups of four or six or eight to
discuss, as one woman I know delicately
puts it, "our mutual concerns" Every
session, she adds, a bit less delicately,
they "end up trashing men.

Indeed, every time two or more wom-
get together, in a "feminist group”
imply over lunch, chances are e

or
cellent that the conversation will turn
148 to men and what, individually or en

masse, is wrong with them. For many
wome! has become almost a reflexive
action to compare notes and share es
periences. When, for purposes of this
essay, I called 2 womanfriend at work
for her up-to-the-minute assessment. of
the male animal, she cut me off in
midsentence. “Wait a minute," she said,
“this should be done by committee.
Hey,” she called out to her co-workers,
"this guy wants to know what we t
of men.”

“They're babies" announced one
voice in the background. “You're sup-
posed to spend your life catering to
their fragile little egos.”

“They give you the impression they
love you and then you never hear from
them again,” came another.

“They take too long in the bath-
room,” added a third.

We men, on the other hand, have
shared precious little. Indeed, virtually
the only organizations we have created
to deal with the social turbulence
threatening to engulf us are male con-
sciousnessraising groups, those gather-
ings of earnestly hangdog fellows whose
self-criticism sessions are so cerily remi-
niscent of those sponsored by certain
author n regimes.

It is no wonder, under the circum-
stances, that we have been so terribly
vulnerable to attack. Alone, without
support, it has been easy to believe
that we are as guilty as constantly
charged in the undermining of relation-
а that women are as guiltless.

But, in fact, it is just not true. There
are as many destructive women in this
society as destructive men, as many
women who are petty and irresponsible
and cruel. Men have plenty of horror
stories to tell, too; we've simply been
too cowed to go public.

But no more.

The following are ten general cate-
gories of women to be avoided at all
costs. Consorting with these women will
almost certainly lead to no good: they
are the kind who can give loneliness a
good name; they will, if given the
chance, break a heart or stomp on an
сво as readily as the vilest man dis
sected in the pages of Cosmo or Savvy

We aren't trying to promote divisive-
ness between the sexes; everybody's had
enough of that. As much as anything
else, this survey is provided as one small
step toward a common wisdom for
men—a service to all you guys, young
and not so young, looking to love. The
women cited might appear, to the naked
eye, utterly charming, even eminent
candidates for the happily ever after.

But that’s still more reason for this
picce—we men always have had a tend-

ency to rely too heavily on our eyes,
haven't we?

The Tragedienne

a startling number of
world who don't know
xperiencing emotion unless it's
They are not happy, these people,
unless they're deeply unhappy, and you
can imagine how much fun it is to be
around them. Succinctly put, their
notion of a relat p is that you
have to take the bad with thc bad.

Oh, there might be sporadic periods
of calm, but those will only set her to
worrying: Something's wrong, she should
feel more, is this all there is? And then,
likely as not, she'll provo!
would embarrass Sarah Bernhardt, only
to reassure herself that there is, after
all, still passion between you.

So, inevitably, these relationships arc
all push-pull, an incredible amount of
crying and screaming, perhaps even an
Occasional threat of suicide, followed
by a stirring reconciliation scene. If
trapped in one of these nightmares, you
will find yourself getting jumpy and
your work will undoubtedly suffer; but
one of the few compensations will be
that your reconciliations will probably
be accompanied by magnificent sex,

There a
people in th

replete with back scratching and moans
that it's never been so good with any-
one. But then, the next morning, you'll
be back to the flip side—there's a hell
of a lot of flip side to these relation-

and the flip side of the sexual

keep her eyes open.

Some women of this genre have, in
fact, been known to abruptly alter the
sexual ground rules in order to keep
things popping. One hapless fellow
reports that his ex-girlfriend, a dancer,
would periodically cut off sex entirely,
with the explanation that she loved
him too much to sleep with him.

“What the hell does that mean?’
would ask.

“It means,” she would say softly,
averting her eyes, "that we shouldn't
risk tainting something so beautiful.”
Which would lead to another fight,
which would culminate in a feverish
bout of lovemaking, which was, of
course, the point in the first place.

These relationships can be endlessly
interesting—there’s no question of
that—in much the same way that a car
ime mutilation is
interesting. The problem is, in this case,
you're the victi

Nor are your problems likely to be
kept to yourselves; invariably, there will
be marathon phone conversations be-
tween her and her friends of the “he

(continued on page 195)

“OK, you've got the TV part. Now do you want to
try for arole in a major motion picture?”

149

GETTING
ITON
WITH

GREENS

is fresh as escarole and

that sexy leek of
anose...i could just
eat your face

food
ByEMANUEL GREENBERG

SALADS? You mean tossed lettuce and
tomato wedges, right? Not this time!
Ob, you're doing the health-food
mumber: alfalfa sprouts, soybeans,
dandelion greens . . . that stuff. No
way! What we have in mind are
main-dish salads—zesty concoctions
that are eminently satisfying but not
heavy. Hearty salads make a lot of
sense—and not just as summer eat-
ing They're composed rather than
cooked, often with last-minute pick-
ups from the deli and greengrocer,
plus any cold treasures the refrig-
erator yields. The one dish covers
you on everything but desert, and
extra guests are easily accommo-
dated by adding morc greens, cheese,
slices of cold steak . . . whatever
comes to hand. As you can sec, al-
most anything goes in a main-dish
salad.

Despite (continued on page 214)

in the land of eternal aloha,
the natives—and the new-
comers—are very, very friendly

Back by papular demand: Audria Wilson
(top), the black-Chactaw-Blackfoot-Swi
German-French-Irish-Dutch-Cherokee-
English beauty who bid you aloha oe in
lost month’s Hawaii travel feature. The
wall tile at right center represents
island womanhood; we'll take the flesh-
and-blood variety, such as Maile Seaman
(necr right), a Polynesian dancer from
Kailua-Kona on the Big Island, and
Honolulu receptionist Lori Lehuononi
Kochimcunu (for right), who's of Howoiion-
152 German-French-Portuguese stack.

Percmbuloting by pedicab above is Sherry Bush of Kailua; relaxing below is ane of the natural
wonders of Maui, Holliday Nejla Ozan, а self-described “island girl” of Turkish-Itolian heritage.
Honolulu-barn-and-raised Rebecca Libadisas (right) tells us her ambitios ta be financially
independent by 30. She still hos four years to ga; our guess is she should try madeling.

ано ——_

* / заааааг

Chicagaan Elise Travis flashes down Lahaina’s Front
Street (above) while wintering in Maui; she probably
wouldn't an Lake Shore Drive. Elvina Taurua (below)
is ane of 15 children of part-Tahition parents.

That big smile at left belongs to entertainer Don
He's daughter Lei, a singer wha looks as if she
cauld take aver as official greeter for the whole
50th state. Below, Pattie McKinley is a mermaid in
dry dock ot Harauma Bay, a three-star beach оп
the island of Ochu. Pattie, who has a degree in
social science, alsa awns a cookie company.

Both Mimarie Acain (abave) and Carole Rose (left)
work as cocktail waitresses—Mimorie in Honolulu
and Carole in Kihei, Maui. Mimorie was born in
Hawaii, but Carole tronsplanted herself ta Maui
from her native New England; after the death af
her parents, she moved there to live with a causin
апа pramptly fell in love with the place.

The latter-day Lady Godiva riding through the
ginger field is Leiloni Ketell, daughter af a
Honolulu bank vice-president; Leilani aspires to
being a Bunny if we open a Playboy Club in
Hawaii. At left is Honalulu boogie-board
aficionado Sally Plada; at the top is another
scenic attractian, one of Hawaii’s patented sunsets.

Here's another look at Maile Seaman (above left), this time accompanied by Clarissa Matthews, who lives on an 1l-acre macadamia-nut
farm, and a trio of male dancers. Above right, carvings fram Pu'uhanua a Honaunav sonctuary, a natianal historic park on the island af Hawaii.

Cherie Maiava (above), New York-
born resident of Honolulu, is the
daughter of a professional wrestler.
Kehavlani Cubio (left), who's

half Hawaiian, one quarter Filipino
and one quarter Portuguese, lives on
Maui; she hopes someday to become
a “famous female vocalist.“ At right

is Lourdes Ann Kananimanu Estores,

a physical-fitness instructor who is
obviously very physically fit herself.
Lourdes has two ambitions: One is to be
а NASA space-travel coordinator and
the other is to be a PLAYBOY Playmate.

not when company’s here!”

“Гое 1014 уои

160

the hyde park frolic trom Pills to Purge Melancholy, edited by Thomas О'Огѓеу, 1719 Ribald Classic

One evening, a little before it was dark,

Sing tan tara rara tantivee,

1 called for my gelding and rid to Hyde Park,
On tan tara rara tantivee.

It was in the merry month of May,

When meadows and fields were gaudy and gay,
And flowers appareled as the day,

1 got upon my tantivee!

The park shone brighter than the shies,
Sing lan tara zara tantivee,

With jewels, and gold, and ladies eyes,

That sparkled, and cried: Come, see me!

Of all parts of England, Hyde Park hath the name
For coaches, and horses, and persons of fame:

It looked at first sight like a field full of flame—
Which made me ride up tantivee!

There hath not been such a sight since Adam's,

For periwig, riband and feather:

Hyde Park may be termed The Market of Madams—
Or Lady Fair, choose you whither!

Their gowns were a yard too long for their legs,
They showed like the rainbow cut into rags,

A garden of flowers, or a navy of flags,

When they did all mingle together!

Among all these ladies, I singled out one,

To pratile of love and folly.

1 found her not coy, but jovial as Joan,

Or Betty, or Marget, or Molly.

With honors, and love, and stories of chances,
My spirits did move, and my blood, she advances:
With 20 quadundrums, and 55 fancies,

I'd have been at her tantivee!

We talked away time until it grew dark—

The place did begin to grow privy,

For gallants began to draw out of the park,

To their horses did gallop tantivec.

But, finding my courage a little to come,

1 sent my bay gelding away by the groom,
And proffered my service to wait on her home:
In her coach we went both tantivee.

1 offered and proffered, but found her straitlaced—
She cried: I shall never believe ye!

This armful of satin I bravely embraced,

And fain would have been at tantivee.

Her lodging was pleasant for scent and for sight,
She seemed like an angel by candlelight,

And, like a bold archer, I aimed at the white
Tantivee! Tantivee! Tantivee!

With many denials, she yielded at last,

Her chamber being wondrous privy,

That 1 all the night there might have my repast,
To run at the ring tantivee!

I pulled off my clothes and I tumbled to bed,
She went to her closet to dress up her head—
But I peeped in the keyhole to see what she did:
Which put me quite beside my tantivec!

She took off her headtive—and showed her bald pate!
Her cunning did very much grieve me!

Thought I to myself: If it were not so late,

1 would home to my lodgings, believe me!

Her hair being gone, she seemed like a hag,

Her bald pate did look like an ostrich's egg.

This lady, thought 1, is as right as my leg:

She hath been too much at tantivee!

The more I did peep, the more I did spy,

Which unto amazement did drive me:

She put up her finger—and out dropped her eye!

1 prayed that some power would relieve me!

But now my resolve was never to trouble her,

Or venture my carcass with such a blind hobbler:

She looked, with one eye, just like Hewson the cobbler
When he used to ride tantivee!

1 peeped, and was still more perplexed therewith.
Thought I: Though’t be midnight, I'll leave thee!
She fetched a yawn—and out dropped her teeth:
This queen had intents to deceive me!

She drew out her handkerchief, as, I suppose,

To wipe her high forehead—ofj dropped her nose:
Which made me run quickly and put on my hose—
The Devil is in my tantivee!

She washed all the paint from her visage, and then
She looked just—if you will believe me!—

Like a Lancashire witch of fourscore and ten,

And, as the Devil, did drive me!

1 put on my clothes, and cried: Witches and whores!
I tumbled downstairs, broke open the doors,

And down to my country again, to my boors,

Next morning I rid tantivee!

You North Country gallants that live pleasant lives,
Let not curiosity drive ye

To leave the fresh air, and your own tenants’ wives,
For satin will sadly deceive ye!

For my part, I will no more be such a meacock,

To deal with the plumes of a Hyde Park peacock,
But find out а russet-coat wench and a haycock—

And there I will vide tantivee! [v ia

ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD HOLLAND

PLAYBOYS...
PRO FOOTBALL
PREVIEW С

PLAYBOY

164

PLAYBOY'S 1980 PRE-SEASON ALL-PRO TEAM

OFFENSE

Wide Receiver
Wide Receiver
‚Tight End
. -Tackle

Lynn Swann, Pittsburgh
John Jefferson, San Diego ..
Dave Casper, Oakland
Pat Donovan, Dallas .
Marvin Powell, New York Jets
John Hannah, New England

Joe DeLamielleure, Buffalo .
Mike Webster, Pittsburgh .

Terry Bradshaw, Pittsburgh

Earl Campbell, Houston
Ottis Anderson, St. Louis .
Toni Fritsch, Houston . .

. Running Back
Running Back
..Place Kicker

DEFENSE

Lee Roy Selmon, Tampa Bay
Jack Youngblood, Los Angeles . -
Louie Kelcher, San Diego
Randy White, Dallas ....
Randy Gradishar, Denver

Brad Van Pelt, New York Giants
Robert Brazile, Houston .
Lemar Parrish, Washington
Louis Wright, Denver
Gary Fencik, Chicago ..
Mike Reinfeldt, Houston .
Bob Grupp, Kansas City .
Rick Upchurch, Denver

. Outside Linebacker
. Outside Linebacker
- Cornerback

. Cornerback

. Free Safety

. Strong Safety

N.F.C. Eastern Division .
N.F.C. Central Division .
N.F.C. Western

Dallas Cowboys
. .Chicago Bears
Los Angeles Rams

N.F.C. Play-offs .... Los Angeles Rams

A.F.C. Eastern Division .
A.F.C. Central Division .
A.F.C. Western Division

.New England Patriots
. Pittsburgh Steelers
San Diego Chargers

A.F.C. Play-offs . . .. Pittsburgh Steelers

SUPER BOWL....LOS ANGELES RAMS

his favorite Scotch sorely di
"This writer once mistook multizillionaire
Clint Murchison, Jr., for a hotelservice
attendant at a Dallas Cowboys press re-
ception, and Murchison’s nose was out
of joint for weeks.

Despite the protective cover, a few of
the franchise owners have managed to
reveal themselves to a startled public.
Robert Irsay is almost a. public-relations
disaster in Baltimore and Bud Adams is
invited to play Scrooge in every Christ-
mas play in Houston.

Professional-football franchise owners
fall roughly into three categories: first,
the grand old men—widely beloved fa-
ther figures who helped found and
build the game into the show-business
empire that exists today, men who
owned franchises decades ago. when star
halfbacks made $5000 per season and it
was sometimes difficult to meet the week-
ly payroll. Such owners, few now, are
epitomized by George Halas of the Chi-
cago Bears and Pittsburgh's Art Rooney.

Nearly as scarce as the living legends
are the owners who are mature business-
men—who see their franchises as sound
financial investments, turn the everyday
operations over to general managers and
avoid sportswriters and television cam-
eras Lamar Hunt of the Kansas City
Chiefs and Dallas owner Murchison set
the entrepreneurial style and have been
joined by such latter-day stabilizers as
Seattle's Elmer Nordstrom and Tampa
Bay's Hugh Culverhouse.

Most of the other owners are exceed-
ingly wealthy men who need an ego
crutch, Typically, such franchise proprie-
tors acquired their wealth more or less
accidentally. One happened to own a few
thousand acres of sand and sagebrush on
which someone discovered oil. Another
happened to be in the construction busi-
ness at the onset of a building boom and
was lucky enough to have a relative on
the zoning board. Another got very rich
by selling used cars, Madman Muntz
fashion, during World War Two. Such
men, hout the kiss of fortune, might
well be driving delivery trucks today; but
with the onset of great riches, an ego
crisis occurs. Despite their affluence, they
find that people who live two blocks
away have never heard of them; head-
waiters ignore them. So they buy pro-
fessional-football teams, and all of a
sudden, strangers recognize them on the
street, headwaiters become instantly at
tentive and almost any day they can
open the local newspaper to the sports
pages and see their names in print. Such
owners have a proclivity for hiring and
firing coaches and general managers in
the glare of publicity, for ordering their
coaches to play (or not to play) certain
quarterbacks, for grandstanding before
television cameras and for otherwise

(continued on page 178)

“Why, Miss Fanshawe—Jennifer—without your
та you're—Pyouw're beautiful!”

165

| Guess who switchec

For a 54"x23" poster, $end $2.00 along with your name and address to: "Look Wh:
Switched” Poster, Anheuser-Busch, P.O. Box 13288, St. Louis, MO 63157

Enter the Natural Light $15,000 Switchstakes!

It's $15,000 worth of easy money! Just name the five athletes
shown above who switched to Natural Light beer and youll qualify
for the Switchstakes drawing. Heres what you can win:

GRAND PRIZE: All expenses paid trip for two (2 days, 3 nights)
to one of the followin eu events with the guis athlete:

Super Bowl, NCAA Basketball Finals, Heavyweight Championship
Fight (WBA or WBC in Continental U.S.), or Opening Game of the
World Series.

10 FIRST PRIZES: $500 worth of Wilson. Sporting Equipment
(winner's choice). : |

25 SECOND PRIZES: $100 worth of Wilson. Sporting Equip-
ment (winner's choice).

100 RUNNER-UP PRIZES: Natural Light Equipment Bags.
TOTAL PRIZE VALUE: $15,000!

ANHEUSER-BUSCH, INC. = ST. LOUIS, MO

Natural Light. — '
Taste is why you'll switch. ы шыс

p —— ———————————— T

HERE'S HOW TO ENTER. NO PURCHASE NECESSARY.

1. Complete the official entry form or on a 3" x 5" plain piece ot paper write the names of the five

Natural Light athletes along with your name, address and zip code. Mail your entry to: Natural Light

Switchstakes, РО. Box 1980, Dallas, TX 75221.

2. Switchstakes ends September 15, 1980. All entries must be received by Sept. 22, 1980. Enter as

Often 35 you wish, but each entry must be mailed separate. Winners wil be determined by random

drawing from among all entries received. Random drawings will be under the supervision of Fulfillment

Шан S.A., an independent judging organization whose decisions are final on all matters relating to
is offer.

3. This Sweepstakes is open to residents of the United States who are of legal drinking age in their

slate al the time of enty, except employees and their families of Anheuser-Busch, Inc. their

distributors, their affiliates, their subsidiaries, their advertising agencies, Promotion Resource, Inc.

Fulfillment Center U.S.A., all retailer licensees, and the families of each. Offer void in California,

Michigan and wherever prohibited by law. Void via retail store participation in the state of Maryland.

4 All entries received will be entered into the Sweepstakes.

5. No substitution for prizes will be permitted. Taxes on prizes are the responsibility of the prize winner.

б. Odds of winning will be determined by number of entries.

7. For a list of major prize winners, send a separate self-addressed. stamped envelope to: Natural Light

Switchstakes, Box 2, Oallas, TX 75221

You must be of legal drinking age at time of entry,

Name
Address. —
(5. ge

List below the five athletes who switched to Natural Light beer

GOSH, | SURE WOULD UKE
ТО ЗЕЕ THAT MOVIE, BUT ICANT
LEAVE MY CHICKEN IN THECAR..

MAYBE ILL. Aes HIM INTS

MY OWN KINKY FOUNDATION M ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN
SEX SURROGATES PULLING KEEP TIPS. BUT THIS
E. OK, BIT ABOUT “POSITION
SECURITY" — HOW
DO you MEAN

annie & albert

HOLISTIC

HARRY

NEAN-SÄS IT'S A
FULFILLING EXPE-
RIENCE SANS IF

a =,

by J. Michael Leonard

Р моон AN,
А бое Ратуе

MEANWHILE
NEXT DOOR

——
—

By J. DELMAR

LOVELY REPAST. WOULD You LIKE TO
EXPERIENCE WITH ME THE TANTRIC
YOGA RITUAL OF ATTAINING DIVINE

DISROBE д
A

BREATHEIN UNISON... ARKIN...
WHOOOSH! CONCENTRATE ОМ ТАР
SVADISTHANA CHAKRA, THE RESORT

REMAIN MOTIONLESS ... LET'S JOIN
OUR EYES AND MINDS _ MERGE OUR
STATES OF CONSCIOUSNESS.

27? O RAVISHING CREATURE
OF THE NIGHT... THE

HI, KAREN!... OW, TAS Guy МЕТ.
At ТАЕ LAUNDROMAT 15 TAKING ME
3 ON SOME KINDA
WEIRD KINKY
SEX TRIP_

GLISTENING HALO OF YOUR

BEAUTY FAIRLY BATHES
MINE EYEs IN AN ALL-

CONSUMING PASSIONATE
POOL OF GLORIOUS WANTON

LIKE A ZENMASTER
Be ONCE SAID, “ONLY WHEN
0 9 А FOWL CROSSES A
ROAD 15 IT ON THE
OTHER SIDE™

ALL RIGHT-

By Frank Baginski & Reynolds Dodson

Z| Ё SOFAR томент Ive ЧЩ ir susteoss to AND MINES THE
[| SEEN THREE GIRLS SHOW--THERE ARE ONLY ONE WITHOUT
[| EIGHT MILLION STORIES | APLOT!
BR IN THE NAKED CITY...

THE TALES OF BARON VON FURSTINBED жи чач :
ITE MVNEW X ACH! A SCREWDRIVER! VAIT, BARON) GOREY FFAULEINS, WP. OUTOF DER VAY o /
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HUMM, BARF PO

‚ “Last year I switched to rum.
This year I graduated to Myerss Rum?

White rums may be what you learn on. But
Myers's dark rum will advance your edu-
cation. It will teach you just how good tasting
rum can be. Because with Myerss Rum
you get a smoother, softer taste that comes
from master-blending.

What makes Myerss precious imported
rum cost more, makes Myers’s taste better.

In cola, soda, fruit juice or any of your
favorite mixers.

PLAYBOY

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MYERS'S MAKES IT BET . Taste how Myers's improves on cola, soda, tonic, fruit juice. Free Recipe Book:
xm My um Recipe Book, Dept. PB, PO. Box 4605, Westbury, New York 11590. Offer expires December 31, 1980.

PLAYBOY’S PIPELINE

MAN & WOMAN

TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR

COUPLE THERAPY

Couple therapy operates on the prem-
ise that if er or both members of a
close relationship suffer prolonged peri-
ods of dissatisfaction, there’s probably
something seriously wrong with the
structure of the relationship itself. With
a therapist who functions as a combi-
nation coach, referee and cheerleader,
the disgruntled pair dissects its rela-
tionship to determine whether or not it
will continue and, if so, what changes
to make. In other words, the couple lay
their cards on the table and the counse-
lor helps them decide if it's time to hold
"em, fold ‘em, walk away or run.

Men, moreover, are finding couple
therapy an increasingly effective way
to cope with women's escalating de-
mands and expectations. The American
Association for Marriage and Family
"Therapy, whose 7500 members are currently treating 300,000
couples, reports that whereas ten years ago the male initiated
treatment in fewer than 20 percent of the cases, today it runs
about 50-50. And there is reason to believe that men are even
more dependent on continuing relationships than women: A
recent survey showed that divorced men remarry much sooner
than women, within two to four years.

PAIRING OFF

A.A.M.F.T. executive director Dr. C. Ray Fowler tells how
couples can distinguish routine cyclical slumps from situa-
tions requiring therapy. “When the feeling by one or both
persons that he or she isn’t getting what they expected out
of the relationship persists for several months, they ought to
summon the courage to go for treatment."

Courage is de rigueur, because the going is guaranteed
rough, particularly in the beginning of therapy, when the
couple unearths a lot of buried dirt. Astonishing revelations
emerge on matters trivial and great: You learn she never has
liked the way you kiss. You admit you loathe her brother.
Sex is no longer fun; in fact, it's no longer much of anything
but a memory. . . . It gets grim.

To facilitate communication, therapists often assign home-
work. Drs, Leon and Shirley Zussman of New York prescribe
a “sharing expectations” exercise in which the couple ex-
change comprehensive lists of everything they want from the
relationship.

When basic problems are defined, the therapist may take
a more active part in the treatment. If sex is the big hang-
up—as it often is—the counselor might either slap on a morz-
torium until the situation lightens up or prescribe specific
sexual exercises. If it's mainly a case of unequal growth, the
counselor may suggest activities the couple can share or do
separately. If sex-role stereotyping is the root of all evil, the
therapist may help the pair reorganize the household routine.

The explicit goal of couple therapy, which usually lasts from
three to six months, is neither saving relationships at any cost

nor pulling the plug. Its purpose is to
examine the situation and establish
unanimity of sentiment among the
warring parties. Even so, the “hold
'em" rate is remarkably high: Thera-
pists believe about 60 percent of the
couples they treat remain together.

Regardless of results, couple therapy
is an unforgettable ordeal. “No way
we'd be together today without it,”
claims a Boston high school teacher.
“Tt scared the hell out of both of us by
revealing aspects of our personalities
we never wanted to see. But the im-
portant thing is that we went through
it together. We both know what's there,
so we never have to mention it.”

A San Francisco adman isn't sure
what hit him: “We hated every min-
ute—the sessions, the rinky-dink ex-
ercises and especially our counselor,
whom I consider a mind-fucking psy-
cho. He united us against him by acting like a two-bit Ayatol-
lah who held our happiness hostage. I don't know if we stayed
together because of or in spite of the therapy. I’m tempted to
say the operation was a failure, but the patient lived.”

SHRINK RAPPING.

If you do decide on couple therapy, don't panic and don't
buy the first shrink you see. The act of agreeing to get ther-
apy provides a rush of temporary relief and the personality
of the therapist is too crucial a factor to determine in haste.

Although male-female therapy teams are increasingly com-
mon, most couple counseling is done by one who, unfortu-
nately, will be a member of your own sex or that of your
mate. You might feel as ganged up against with a staunch
feminist therapist as she would with a guy from your frater-
nity. And even if the therapist is impeccably impartial, the
presumed sexual bias can be used to discount unpalatable ele-
ments of the treatment.

Couple therapists may be licensed psychiatrists, psycholo-
gists, psychiatric social workers—or none of the above. The
American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (924
West Ninth, Upland, California 91786) provides names of
accredited members in your area, all with at least a master's
degree in the behavioral sciences and two years of supervised
clinical experience. Most reputable counselors will agree to
half-price half-hour preliminary consultations. Take the trou-
ble to check out five or six before deciding on one you both
feel you can work with.

Couple therapy usually runs from $25 to $50 an hour and
Dr. Fowler strongly advocates a cost-effective consumeristic
approach. “Decide what your marriage is worth. You've
already spent thousands on it. Why not commit $500 to
finding a psychotherapist who knows what he or she's doing
and can treat your problem with the focus you want? Through
the process, whatever its outcome, you will realize yourselves
as adult human beings and terminate the stage of adolescent
idiocy once and for all.” — THEODORE FISCHER

173

PLAYBOY

174

of other places. In the water, it floats.
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PLAYBOY’S PIPELINE

POINTED FACTS ABOUT STEREO CARTRIDGES

TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR

it is there. Indeed, most of the time

all you see of it is a small metal
projection popularly called the nee-
dle—though by now you may have
graduated to the more sophisticated
term stylus. We're talking, of course,
about the cartridge or pickup at the
end of the toncarm on a record playcr,
whose job it is to translate the mute
wiggles engraved in the record groove
into an electrical replica. This signal
eventually becomes the sound you hear.

| t's so small you may not even know

BASIC PICKUPS

Piezoelectric cartridges were the ear-
liest type, and they are still offered in
the lowest-priced phonographs. In this
pickup, a sliver of crystal or ceramic,
stressed by the stylus vibrations, gener-
ates a voltage. The signal produced is
about the same in amplitude as that
from a radio tuner or from a tape deck through its built-in
preamp. The action of this pickup is fairly stiff, so it does not
respond fully to the wiggles in the groove. The best models,
though, will respond enough to produce a recognizable replica
of the sound. Aside from the proprietary brands found in
phonographs of given manufacture, the best-known names for
replacement models are Astatic and Sonotone. Prices run from
about $4 to $18, depending mostly on the associated hardware
supplied for fitting into a given record player. Many of these
cartridges are the turn-around kind with two styluses—one for
the older 78 rpms, the other for all microgroove discs (45 and
33 rpm).

Magnetics are the favored pickups for hi-fi use. Instead of
getting the stylus to exert a force against a physical body, all
the magnetic pickup demands of the stylus is that it vibrate
within a magnetic field. The stylus thus has a much easier time
of it and can respond more faithfully, and with less effort. The
result is an electrical signal that is a much doser analog of the
wiggles in the record groove. The magnetic pickup also is
lighter and has less mass than the ceramic. It thus can be used
at lower tracking forces, conducive to longer record life.

The magnetics cost considerably more than the piezoelectric
types. Prices start at $35 and range upward into the hundreds.
They demand better-balanced and lower-friction tonearms and
they also furnish a lower signal voltage that must be both
preamplified and equalized (hence the special input jacks for
such pickups on all standard hi-fi amplifiers and receivers). In
опе type of magnetic pickup—the moving-coil model—the
signal output is so low that it needs "prepreamplification,"
which is usually supplied by a separate little box, or it may be,
ina few rare cases, built into a regular amplifier or receiver.

Until recently, the moving-coil pickups were a minority
group, but lately they have expanded into a sizable offering
by several companies. Moving-coil-pickup partisans insist that
these types sound better. One favored argument is that they can
present more inner detailing of complex instrumental passages.

THE WILD BUNCH

Some maverick approaches to pickup
design don’t conform to any of the
existing broad categories. One is the
electret type announced by two com-
panies, Stax and Micro-Acoustics ($480
and up to $200, respectively). The Stax
comes with a demodulator that pro-
duces an equalized preamplified signal
that can be connected directly into a
line-level input. Another novel design
is the ribbon pickup ($275) made by
Nagatronics. Like the moving-coil type,
which it superficially resembles, the
ribbon pickup requires signal boosting.
Another offbeat design is the strain-
gauge pickup (Precision Fidelity, $300),
in which a D.C-polarized conductive
element has its resistance varied to
produce the signal. And yet another is
the semiconductor pickup from Win
Laboratories. In this $550 model, a transistorlike element re-
sponds to the nudges from the stylus.

PICKING A PICKUP

With literally hundreds of pickups on the market, no one
critic could be expected to have tried them all. I have sampled
a fair number and can tell you what I prefer, though, as with
speakers, a good deal of purely personal taste enters the pic-
ture, If I had to choose a favorite from the standard magnetics
(other than moving-coil models), it would be the Shure V-15
Type IV. But I also liked the qualities of the AKG P8E, the
Acutex 320, the Empire EDR-9, the Ortofon Concorde 30 or
the LM-30, the Sonus Blue and the Stanton 681EEE or 8815.
Prices for these range from $115 to $200. In moving-coil pick-
ups, I would certainly rate the Ortofon MC-30 with the very
best of any type, and well it should be at its price of $600—
plus another few hundred for a suitable booster.

These are all top-of-the-line (or near top) models. Lower-
priced versions also are available. The trick is to mate the best
pickup you can afford with the particular tonearm on your
record player. Many companies publish lists that suggest such
matings. If you're in doubt, a simple plan is to balance the
tonearm with the cartridge installed and set the tracking force
to the amount recommended for that cartridge. Then play a
record with very loud and complex instrumental passages. If
the pickup stays with the groove, if you hear no chatter or
observe no groove skipping, that's it. The worst thing to do in
this test is to increase the tracking force beyond the recom-
mended maximum just in order to keep the stylus in the groove.
"That can damage both the stylus and the record.

It’s easy to be swayed by the often arcane jargon that may be
directed at you by a strong partisan of one type or another of
phono cartridge. Instead, try to listen to the record being
played. Choosing a pickup is a lot like choosing a speaker. It
has to sound right to you. And remember, a stylus' worst enemy
is dirt. Keep it—and your records—clean.—NoRMAN EISENBERG

175

Theresa reason so many sports It pulls hard, yet the 5-speed shifts instrument faces enhance the sporty

car enthusiasts who own a truck, own into gear with a light, precise feel atmosphere inside.

a Toyota SR-5 Sport Truck. Its more many genuine sports cars can't Everything working in harmony—
than just the presence of a 5-speed match thats the feeling the Toyota SR-5
transmission, or bucket seats. Call it a The standard power assisted Sport Truck shares with good sports

feeling, the way everything worksto- front disc brakes snug the SR-5 to a cars. PICKUP. VAN & 4WD Magazine
gether. Because "feel'is what sports clean stop, but there's hardly a pip got the feeling. They put it this way,

cars, and the SR-5, are all about. from the tight, all-welded cab. And “this is how a small truck built by
You'll know what we mean the the standard AM/FM stereo radio, BMW would drive and feel if BMW
moment you start the 2.2 liter engine. full carpeting, and blacked-out built small trucks.”

THE SR SPORT TRUCK.
THE SPORTS CAR
OF TRUCKS.

PLAYBOY’S PIPELINE

WHY BUY WHEN YOU CAN BARTER?

TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR

f the last thing you traded was a

are a doctor or a lawyer, you can turn

picture of Mickey Mantle that

smelled of bubble gum, you prob-
ably haven't been approached by one
of the more than 100 barter exchanges
iat have sprung up in the U.S. over
the past three or four years. With the
Internal Revenue Service keeping an
anxious eye on the proceedings, thou-
sands of individual businessmen and
corporations are learning that barter
cam provide the equivalent of wholesale
buying power. So dentists fill cavities
a exchange for new office carpeting.
awyers prepare wills to get a week in
the Caribbean restaurant own
serves his best steak and a boule of
wine in a swap fora new pair of shoe

While barter may not be everyone's
key to beating inflation, chances arc
that any product or service you can
provide will have more value in trade
i in sale.

d a

HOW BARTER EXCHANGES WORK
Barter exchanges have gone far beyond the concept of one-
on-onc trading. They have become clearinghouses for anyone

who wants to turn the margin of profit on his product or
service into the opportunity to buy at wholesale. For cither a

5 percent cut or an initiation fee of between $100 and
$300 and dues averaging about the same, you can join this
of traders. The barter exchange will issue you a credi
and as a method of recording
ceive a list of goods and serv
anything from а can of dog food to an 80-foot yacht.
ake a purchase, its retail value is debited from
y count in the form of trade dollars. When you provide
a product or service, its value is credited to your account,
Those credits can be used whenever you wish with any other
member of the exchange. The exchange may take a commis-
ion of 10-15 percent, in trade dollars, cash or a combination
of both, on every purchase you make. A monthly recap of
those transactions is issued in a form resembling a checking-
account statement.

'€ organized to handle large com-
a one-time trade of product for
опа! advertising to representation on an ongoing basi
Such companies will consider almost any proposed trade; they
estimate a successlul completion rate of almost 100 percent.

WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU

The benefit realized by wading is directly related to the
amount of profit built into the retail cost of the product or
rvice you provide. Although you offer your product or se
¢ for trade at its retail value, the actual cost to you is your
time, overhead or the wholesale price you paid. Obviously,
the bigger your profit margin, the more you benefit from
trade. So if you sell a product for $200 that cost you $50
wholesale, you have gained 5150 in buying power. If you

open time slots into dollars. And. bc-
cause you are joining a pool of traders,
you may gain additional busi

‘There is, however, a slight catch.
Even though no money exchanges
hands, increased value is received for
product or service and the burden is
on your shoulders to declare th
gin of profit as taxable income. The
temptation not to do so is what wor-
ries the IRS. [ts agents have cnough
trouble figuring out how you averaged
two business lunches a day last ye:
without having to worry about every
wade you may have made.

ess.

WHAT TO LOOK FOR

If you are entertaining the idea of
joining a barter exchange, here's a
check list of things to consider:

1 te personal and business
needs and check the exchange's membership list to sce if its
trade possibilities match those needs. If they don't, member-
ship would be of limited value.

2. Be sure the barter exchange is not too heavily stocked
with purveyors of the product or service you plan to provide.
If you're a lawyer and 60 other lawyers already belong. you
can anticipate difficulty getting your share of the business.

3. Look for an exchange that will direct business your way.
Many provide free advertising in the form of a newsletter.

+. Determine the exchanges willingness to ger involved

ith any problems that might arise from inferior workm:
ship or product. If you cannot arrive at етеп with
the other party involved, the exchange should step in and
resolve the difficulty

5. If you deal with a low profit margin, be sure the barter
pany will tack a surcharge onto your product, so that
you receive adequate buying, power.

6. Ask for a list of members and contact a random s
See how they feel about the exchange.

7. As frustrating as it might seem, many barter companies
place an initial limit on the amount you can make in trad
purchases. That is actually beneficial. It prevents you fro
going in the hole before a market for your goods or services
has been established and is an ation that the company
is concerned about a. balance of trade and is not just out to
make its commission.

ple.

AND IF YOU WANT TO JOIN

A national newspaper, Barter Communique, can kecp you
current, Priced at S20 for a two-year subscription (four
it’s available from Full Circle M. p. 5700 Mid
Pass Road, Sarasota, Flor Two other firms that will
answer your questions and direct you to an exch
area are Columbus Trade F: 7870 Olent
Road, Columbus, Ohio 43085,
change, 6501 Loisdale Court, Sp

Good trading!

а nmerce E
ingfield, Virginia 22150.
— EUGENE F. QUINTANO

177

PLAYBOY

PRO FOOTBALL PREVIEW

(continued from page 161)

“Don’t look for any changes in Pittsburgh this season,
except for the Steelers to be stronger than ever.”

displaying the
lescent.

Some such owners tend to cool off
after a few years of being embarrassed
by the reports of their behavior in the
morning newspapers (sell-recognition
often occurs under an ice pack). Never-
theless, the more mature members of the
N.F.L. owners’ fraternity, having g:
the balance of power in recent y
have decided that no such yoyos will
ever again be allowed to buy a franchise.
Recent expansion clubs have been cha
acterized by extremely stable front-office
operations and any future owners will
be mercilessly screened. It will, alas, be
a duller world.

Front-office shenanigans notwithstand-
ing, the real f mes are still on
the field. So let's take a look at the pros
pects for the coming seaso

temperance of an ado-

EASTERN DIVISION
AMERICAN FOOTBALL CONFERENCE
New England Patriots 10-6
Miami Dolphins 97
Baltimore Colts 1-9
New York Jets . 6-10
Buffalo Bills . 6-10

This time a year ago, New England
fans were wondering how destructive to
team morale would be the precipitous

ture of former c
nks. But before the season's
game, players, press and fans alike
realized that anks’ defection to
Colorado was the best thing that ever
happened to them. New coach Ron
Erhardt’s personal and coaching styles
were a vivid and happy contrast to those
of his predecessor. The nattily dressed

banks had remained aloof in his
during practice;
1dt rubbed shoulders with the players
ing drills, developed a sense of kin-

opening

with them and restructured the
entire routine of training camp to pro-
vide more personal contact between

coaches and players. The result is that
the Patriots are a stable and cohesive
squad. They will enter this season much
better prepared than last year and, with
a large number of mature and veteran
n excellent chance to
take the division championship.

One of Erhardt's more successful in-
and an example of the mu-
tual respect and confidence he has built
with his players—has been to allow
quarterback Steve Grogan to call 90 per-
cent of his own plays in the huddle, a
virtually unheard-of arrangement among

178 pro dubs. But the ploy has worked

beautifully, giving Grogan much more
time to call audibles at the line of scrim-
mage. As a result, the Patriots (who had
been known as a running team in pre-
ous years) became an excellent passing
team last season,

Erhardt went into the draft looking
for new blood for the defensive line
se the current starters are aging,
another big running back to either
replace or back up Sam Cunningham.
He got Steve MeMichael and Doug Mc-
Dougald for the first need and Vagas
Ferguson for the second, but the prime
catch of the draft for the Patriots was
defensive back Roland James.

Fullback Larry Csonka seems to have
an invigorating influence on the Miami
Dolphins. Before his departure for the
ill-fated World Football League, the
Dolphins won four division champion-
ships in a row. Miami went into a slump.
during Csonka's four-year absence, then
won the division title St усаг
after his return. Another key ingredient
of the team's success is the Ісай ip of
quarterback Bob Griese, who briefly lost
his starting job to backup Don Strock
after the Dolphin offense had been slug-
gish the first three fourths of last season.
Strock was knocked dizzy in his first start,
Griese took over again and led the Dol-
phins to three straight wins and the
division championship.

But the main reason for the perennial
potency of the Miami team is head coach
Don Shula, whose most important asset
is the ability to teach his charges how
not to make mistakes. The Dolphins
have been the least penalized team in
the N.F.L. cach of the past four seasons,
and when they do get beat, the other
team has to carn the victory. Perhaps
more than any other coach in the league,
Shula believes in being prepared. He has
plans for every conceivable game situa-
tion and every possible injury.

Shula's priority plan as this season
approaches is to upgrade his defensive
backfield. With all the jetpropelled
wide receivers in the league, very quick
and fast defensive backs are a principal
(but often unrecognized) key to team
success, Rookie Don McNeal, therefore,
should become a starter his first year.

The bad news in Baltimore is that the
bination of owner Robert Irsay's
p theatrics and the team’s victory
drought has badly hurt attendance, An
average of only 40,000 fans showed up
for home games last season, the worst
showing in 20 years. Probably nothing
can be done about Irsay, but the pros-
pects for more wins is again bright,

thanks largely to the return of once-
again healthy quarterback Bert Jones.
Football is a game in which success is
so dependent on effective team play that
rarely is a single player so influentia
Jones has been in Baltimore. The Colts
have won every game he has completed
the past two years. Since 1975, the Colts’
record has been 35-16 with Jones at
quarterback—5-20 without him. Thus,
when Jones was sidelined with dis-
located shoulder for the second уса
а row last September, it was 1
recurrence of a horrible nigh

Baltimore fans, And as the season opens.
hope for the Colts’ revival is once

premised on Jones's full recovery. Other
major assets are Joc Washington. un-
doubtedly the best combination rusher-
receiver in the land. and splendid
young linebacking corps.

The Colts’ major weakness is a lack of
top-grade receivers. The draft didn't
solve that problem, but did bring
this year’s best runner, Curtis Dickey

"The Jets finished strong last December
after the press and fans had written them
off—they won eight games for thei
second straight break-even season. If the
upturn is to continue. coach Walt Mi-
chaels will have to find some immediate
reinforcements for a woefully weak de
fensive crew that is especially vulnerable
to passing attacks, thanks to a non-
existent pass rush. In some games last
season, Michaels was forced 10 play six
rookies on the defensive unit. The Je
do have a few bright spots on the squad
The offensi ade up mostly of
anonymous younger players, is one of the
best anywhere. Wesley Walker is a su-
perb receiver when he's healthy and the
runners are consistent, unspectacalar
and dependable, and they rarely fumble.

An intangible—but very real—ingr
dient in the Jets’ prospects for success is
a healthy team morale resulting from Mi-
chacls’ avoidance of the star system tha
was so evident during the Joe Namath
cra. It's hoped that much improvement
will come this season with the added
maturity of the team’s many young play-
ers. That is especially true of quarterback
Richard Todd, whose future potential is
enormous. Much additional help was ex
pected from a produaive draft in which
the main need was for a couple ol ornery
pass rushers. Instead, the Jets used their
first pick for wide receiver Johnny Jones
and got almost no help for the defensive
line.

"The Buffalo fans were delighted with
а 1979 season that produced only seven
victories—at season's onset, it looked as
though the Bills would be lucky to avoid
a shutout. The m reasons for the
relative success were the gleani
a spectacularly successful d pro-
duced four immediate starters and an
unprecedented performance by quarter-
back Joe Ferguson. The Bills, therefore,
are going into this season with optimism,

“Now, there, Victor, is a real foxhound!”

PLAYBOY

180

but they still need a lot of help. Their
ing game is probably the worst in
gue and the squad is still paper
thin, with only one quality player avail-
ble at most positions. A [ew badly
placed injuries could be devastating.
„che Bills’ progres: ice coach Chuck
ох took over in 1978 is obvious to all,
but the squad is still at least
quality players away from vying for a
division title. The last draft, however,
did produce three gems. center Jim Rich-
ter, runner Joe Cribbs and tight end
Mark Brammer

dozen

CENTRAL DIVISION

AMERICAN FOOTBALL CONFERENCE
Pittsburgh Steelers ... У . 124
Houston Oilers . 5 . 10-6
Cleveland Browns... 1-9
Cincinnati Bengals 6-10

Don't look for any changes in Pitts-
burgh this season, except for the Steelers
to be stronger than ever. They were the
best team in the league last season with
а rash of injuries that would have scut-
ted the hopes of most franchises. Every-
one has healed, an equivalent rash of
breaks and strains isn’t likely to happen
again and all the experience garnered
ast fall by the younger players should
give the team depth.

Opposing scouts look in vain for a
weakness in the Steeler lineup, and it's

hard for admiring observers to decide
which are the squad's greatest assets.
Terry Bradshaw is probably the toughest
a ble quarterback in history.

s knocked out of four games last

season and came back to win them all.
receivers like the

The Steelers need
ocean needs water; it become
creasingly obvious that Lynn Swann and
John Stallworth are the best pair ever to
play the game, and reserves Calvin
Sweeney and Larry Douglas would be
starters on most N.F.L. teams.

The Steelers” only perceptible need is
to find eventual replacements for defen-
sive linemen Joe Greene and L. C.
Greenwood, both of whom celebrate
their 34th birthday as the season opens

Look for the Steelers to return to the
Super Bowl; it will be a minor mirade
if they don't.

The Houston players are cursing their
fate for being in the same division with
Pittsburgh—they would be oddson fa-
vorites in at least three other divisions. A
bitchy Houston press corps has repeated-
ly accused the Oilers of being a one-man
(Earl Campbell) team, but that notion
wil be dispelled this scason with the
growing prowess of quarterback Gifford
Nielsen. Most Oiler fans were stunned
last winter when coach Bum Phillips
swapped incumbent quarterback Dan
Pastorini to the Raiders—even up—for
aging quarterback Ken Stabler. The rea-
son is an intriguing one: Jt has become

increasingly apparent the past two years
that backup quarterback Nielsen was des
tined soon to displace starter Pastorini
Pastorini, however, is a compulsive com

petitor, would go bananas sitting on the
bench, and his resultant resentment
would likely be divisive fluenci

among loyal teammates. Stabler, olde:
nd wiser, is more likely to be content
with a backup role and a fat pay check.

"The Oilers still need to develop depth
in the offensive line, where a few injuries
could play havoc. Rookie Angelo Fields
should help take up some of the slack.

Many profootball bulls insist that
Cleveland was the most exciting team in
the country last. fall, specializing in last-
minute heroics and coronary-producing
finishes. Three games went into ove
time, four games were lost by five points
or less and 2 games the issue was
in doubt until the final minute of play.
Despite all the excitement, the most
impressive results of the season were the
blossom nncr Mike Pruitt and
п Sipe.

‘The Browns’ best hopes for this season
lie in the regained health of a large con-
tingent of ill or injured key players and
a newly potent passing р;
Rutigliano insists that tight end Oz
Newsome is the country’s best and that
his receiver threesome (Newsome with
wide receivers Dave Logan and Reggie
Rucker) is the most dangerous group
in the league.

The Browns’ major need is for help in
the defensive line to beef up an inept
pass rush, and rookie Cleveland Crosby
should fill the bill. The Browns’ prime
draft catch, though, was Heisman Tro-
phy winner Charles White, who could be
this year’s leading rusher.

"The whole Cincinnati franchise seems
snake-bit since the Bengals took a nose
dive in 1977. Last season, for the second

year in a row, they won only four
to be

games. The future would appear
bright, because new coach Forrest
has one of the most impressive collec
tions of young—but as yet unrealized—
talent in the league. Grege’s first job will
be to shore up a defensive unit that was
disastrous last season. A new 4-3 align-
ment will be used, and it’s hoped that
some of the gleanings from the draft will
help plug the leaky dikes.

The Cincinnati fans, unaccustomed to
bad teams, are complaining loudly but—
a frontoffüce functionary reports hap-
pily—they're still buying every available
ticket. The fans' hopes are placed largely
in an offense that was quite productive
last season (it got way ahead in several
games before the defense collapsed), and
the attack unit should be even better this
year with the regained health of quarter-
back Ken Anderson, Backup passer Jack
‘Thompson has the tools to be a future
great and will be pushing Anderson for
the starting job before the season is over.

WESTERN DIVISION
AMERICAN FOOTBALL CONFERENCE
San Diego Chargers

Seattle Seahawks
Denver Broncos

Kansas City Chiefs
Oakland Raiders .

merger, accomplishing thar feat with
n offense—but with the coaching
brilliance of Don Coryell.
top ollensive mind
me. The Chargers had virtually
attack, so Coryell
at overwhelmed most
opponents. often ing delenders
by going for short y and mak-
uations where other teams
The Chargers were the only
ue to defeat both Super
ams during the regular season.
winning both games with lopsided scores
But Coryell h to realize
that the norun all-pass gambit isn't
likely to work two scasons in à row, so
he acquired runner John Cappelletti
from the Rams during the off season.
Cappelletti, a strong т а good
blocker and ап outstanding receiver.
will help revive th but
the Chargers still need an outside burn-
first pick in the draft was in
th round, when most of the
hy runners were long gone, so Cor-
yell will spend much of preseason prac-
tice looking Гог a free-agent sleeper.

Coryell likes 10 use his tight. ends as
receivers and this year’s happy surprise
in San Diego could well be tight end
Kellen Winslow. He's 65", 250 pounds,
ins like a deer and is fully recovered
rom the injury that sidelined him at
midseason. Add splendid wi
John Jefferson, plus I
and the Chargers’ passing attack will still
be awesome.

After watching their team miss the
play-offs by one game each ol the p:
two scasons, the Seattle fans con
ced that this will be the year the
Seahawks will be a Super Bowl contend-

- They could be right. All the hard
work of building an expansion franchise

yol the
no
devised a

E
running
passing offense ıl

confu

t enouj

game.

ast

appears to have come to fruition. Many
of the young players are just now com-
ing into full maturi on
last fall, all the intangibles se to

come together, the offense jelled and
Seattle won seven of its last nine games.
Major ingredients in the new success
formula the sharpened skills of
quarterback Jim Zorn and the uncanny
pass catching of Steve Largent. Zor

best years are still ahead of him (he will
become a Jefthanded version of Fran
Tarkenton), and Largent i» the only

receiver in the past decade to catch

for over 1200 yards in a single season
Another important asset has been the

Seahawks’ relative good luck in avoiding

PLAYBOY

182

injuries in recent seasons. If that luck
continues and the inconsistent defense
is beefed up, and if the offensive crew
can continue to get away with the flaky
plays that made national headlines last
season—onside kicks, using kicker Efren
Herrera as a wide receiver, punter Her-
man Weaver completing three of four
passes from punt formation
be a banner year in Seattle. Best news is
that the draft produced some promising
help, delensive ends Jacob Green and
Terry Dion, for the squad's weak pass
rush.

Two off-season ar
Matt Robinson and offensive coi
tor Rod Dowhower, are the main rea-
sons for renewed optimism in Denver.
Robinson, erstwhile starting quarter-
back for the Jets, will displace Craig
Morton and is expected to stabilize a
maddeningly inconsistent. offense. With.
Шу brilliant passer,

i—this could

Morton, an occasion

at the controls last fall, the Broncos
some games;

scored like Gang Виче
in others, they couldn't buy

Dowhower, former h
ford, was a hotshot passer

er coach Coryell when both were at

Six-
ties. Dowhower learned well and is an

Diego State University in the car

acknowledged master of the
game; with Robinson as his prime pu-
pil, he should cause many sleepless
nights for opposing defensive coaches.
The new offensive prospects, added to
1 defensive unit that is one of the two

or three best in the league, has made
Broncomania even more intense than
usual. In April, the Broncos completed
their Ith consecutive sellout of tickets.
‘There is a waiting list of 11,000 hope-
ful fans for season tickets. but only 59
people failed to renew their ti
tions for the coming season. That adds
up to а long wait for a lot of hopeful
fans—and excellent morale in the ac
counting department.

The Kansas City team won seven
games last fall. its most successful season
since 1973. The Chiefs’ steady progress
has been p ly due to the expertise
md leadership of coach Mary Levy, a
mature Phi Beta Kappa type who is
and unevasive with both the media

ope
and his players, and commands respect
from both. Another reason for the
bright prospects in Kansas City is the

decision made by owner Lamar Hunt
in 1975—during the depths of the
Chiefs’ fortunes—to e the long but
sure rebuilding route through the draft.
| has paid off in big
dividends, especially on the defensive
unit, where the improvements have
been dramatic. Last fall, with second-,
third- and fourth-year players suddenly
maturing, the Chiefs began winning the
dose games they had lost previously.
The offensive unit still has a long
way to go. largely because second-year
passer Steve Fuller, an option quarter-
back in college, still has to perfect the
drop-back skills of the pro game. Also

The master pl

"Ell tell you what. Get your analyst on
the phone; if he says it's dirty and perverted, T

prom

se I'll never ask you again.”

needed are reinforcements in the offen-
sive line and a wide receiver with blaz-
ing speed. Rookie Brad Budde should
help on the line and draftees Carlos
Carson and Bubba G: should
strengthen the pass attack.

"The main issue in Oakland, of course,
is the continuing effort of owner Al
Davis to move his Raider franchise to
Los Angeles. The move attempt, pre-
Gpitated by an increasing row between
Davis and directors of the Oa
scum, has a dedining (but still extant)
chance of success as this issue goes 10
press. Whatever happens, look for some-
thing to move before next year. It may
be Davis, who is reportedly planning to

sell his franchise and start a new pro-
football league

f the counts dont up-
low the move to Los
a top rival
е tells us. would operate
in April, May and June and sell TV
rights to cable-television companies.)

Unfortunately, the m; losers in this
exercise in childishness are likely to be
the loyal Oakland fans. They are furi-
ous with both Davis and N.F.L. commis-
sioner Pete Rozelle, who scem to have
become embroiled in a personality clash
over the issue. “How cin you have a
personality clash without a personality?”
a furious Raider fan asked us.

Wherever they play or whoever owns
the franchise, the Raiders i t likely
to return to their accustomed domi-
nation of their division. The defensive
unit isn't the terrorist group of bygone
years and immediate help is needed in
the linebacker and running-back corps.

The Raiders still have a veteran offen-
sive line, two superb tight ends (R
mond Chester and Dave Casper). W
q ack Pastorini
(Irom the Oilers) and healed injuries
mong the wide receivers, look dor a
tack.

EASTERN DIVISION

NATIONAL FOOTBALL CONFERENCE
Dallas Cowboys .. 15
Washington Redskins . 10-6
Philadelphia Eagles 10-6
New York Giants ..... 6-10
St. Louis Cardinals .... 412

Dallas goes into this season with more
uncertainties than at any time since
1975—not an especially bad oi
the team went to the Super Bowl that
year. The principal and most publicized
ip will be that left by retired quarter-
back Roger Staubach. "How cm you
possibly replace Staubach?” we asked
player personnel director Gil Brandt

“If you're president of a universit
how do you replace Albert Einstein in
the math department?" he replied.
"Roger retired at the top of his game.
Last fall, he had the best season of his
life. Physically, he was 38 on 27."

But don't Jet the Cowboys’ crocodile

n. since

bin

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The hero who thinks it’s macho to drink like IT'S PEOPLE WHO GIVE DRINKING
A BAD NAME.

PLAYBOY

184

tears fool you. The Dallas franchise is not
yet a poverty pocket, Danny White, play-
ing in the shadow of Staubach all these
years, is the
1 the country
Glenn Carano, who has not thrown
pass in а regular-season game during hi
three years with the Cowboys. Bur he
has tremendous potential.

m difference in the Dallas
d this season will be a less awesome
kup talent, making the Cow-

boys more vulnerable to injuries. The
team’s most serious problems are on the
defensive platoon, so offensive coordina-

n
di Tom
cs on the defense.
10n team, younger and
ny Redskin team in
in 79.
ү losing the division championship
the final ¢ Has when
Staubach produced one of his patented
come-frombehind performances by scor-
two touchdowns last three
inutes. The Redskins are still brooding
pout th ad the incentive for
revenge will be a psychological factor.

Much of the Redskins’ enthusiasm
comes from the large number of younger
players who have at last become starters,
and it will be abetted this season by the
al of the most significant contingent
frees in many years. In April, the
Washington franchise had a first-round
draft choice for the first time since 1968,
second-round pick for the first time
since 1971. Wide receiver Art Monk was
snapped up first. Then. because the Red
skins needed help in the defensive linc.

any of the incumbents ave get-
on in ye kie defensive end
Mat Mendenhall was brought in. He'll
help tackle. Dave Butz, who is finally
playing up to his enormous potential.
This may be the first year in a decade
when the Redskins aren't the oldest

in the league.

When the Ez
1978 with skimpy talent, Ph
fans held their breath, abid
fluke. Bur last year, with the
winning Hl games against a toug
ule, the skepticism turned to euphoria
The unexpected renaissance was ens
necred by coach Dick Vermeil. a p
sive motivator who had convinced
of his players to move to the Ph
area so they could in ye
conditioning pror “Somehow.
front-office type told us, “Dick can get
kids to play much better tha
ever thought they could.” Th
tion is reinforced by the fact

tor Dan Reeves will call the plays t
the side lines this year while c
Landry concentr

s, ra

gles wo!

nine games in
lelphia

was a

the

that
Eagles have only three players who were

first round draft choices.
Philadelphia went into t
draft needing immediate help im the
secondary and got it with defensive back
Roynell Young, a probable start
The Giant hope for a more consistent

and more productive year after last
atumn’s roller-coaster season of high
hs and low lows. The team lost its
first five games. then won six of the next
eight. The most pleasing developments
were the early blooming of quarterback
Phil Simms and wide receiver Earnest
Gray. The biggest problem is the reduced
effectiveness of the defensive crew.
Tackle Troy Archer, killed in an auto.
mobile accident two weeks before last
summers training camp. proved 10 be
irreplaceable, so the Giants went to
3-4 defense and didn't really shut dow
ng offenses all year
rtunately, the draft brought some
help in the form of defensive back Mark
Haynes and tackle Myron Lapka
Another plus for the Gian
will be the benefits of a new off-season

any oppo:

this season

ag program, made posible by
Ray Perkins persuasion of 39

squadmen to move into the New York
Also, the Giants will go into this
with an established starter at
ims). an especially help-
se Perkins is a pass-
oriented coach. His idea of offense is to
go 80 yards and score in three pl:

The St. Louis franchise abandoned
any pretense of being a class organization
when owner Bill Bidwill fired coach Bud
Wilkinson with only three games left last

season

the players (they learned to like him
when he was an istant under former
head coach Coryell), bur nitpicking from
the Cardinal front office is likely t0 keep
him from improving the team’s fortunes
year. Hanifan promises a super-
vged offense. and he will probably
deliver it with the likes of quarterback
Jim Hart and runner Ottis Anderson in
camp. The offensive line, th,
healed injuries and the sudden matura-
tion of Joe Bostic. will again be a major
rength, bat the Cardinals. desperately
need new blood in the defensive line.
Draftees Curtis Greer and Bill Acker
will help there and Doug Marsh should
prove to be the top-quality tight end
needed to replace the Lite J. V. Cain

CENTRAL DIVISION
NATIONAL FOOTBALL CONFERENCE
Chicago Bears á
Minnesota Vikings
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Detroit Lions .......
Green Bay Packers

This is the first time in many years
that the go team has entered Dain-
ing camp with no doubt about who will
be the starting quarterback. Mike Phipps
took over alter starter Vince Evans was
sidelined with illness early season,
nd Phipps’s enormous but longumeal
ized potential y sarlaced. Although
he has won 12 of 11 starts since goi
Chicago Irom Cleveland, Phipps 1

т ned.

quiet, unpretentic.s person
careful not to attract attention to him
nd his excellent record with the
s has heen overlooked by most of
ago sportswriters.

Phipps has a good chance to take the
Bears to giddy heights this fall. Their
10-6 record last season wa
despite а plethora of inju

acce

fortune not likely to recur). and Phipps
has the support of a superb group of
runners led by a onceagain healthy

Walter Payton. The bedrock basis of the
Bears’ hopes remains the defensive pla
toon, though the reinforcement brought
by rookie Otis Wilson will be welcome

the linebacker crew. General manager
Jim Finks says this is the first year in
memory when no rookie has a good

chance of starting.

It took most of last season for Minne:
sota coach Bud Grant to get his many
new p мей and melded with
the remaining veterans. When the Vikes
pally got it all put together, they fin-
hed strong, though it was their first
losing season since 1967. Despite the
ceustomed bad showi Minne
"t complaining, because the
Vikings were still a very exciting team to
ch, and the coolheaded northlanders
realized that the many youngsters on the
squad have the potential to be cham
pions in the future. In fact. the Minne

test strength is its
ship. front office
m. It's the kind of
ather a bad
season. The teams that always seem to
be on the bottom are fielded by the fran
chises in which owners or coaches hit the
panic button when things go wrong—as
as the case, until recently, in San
ancisco, New Orleans and Atlanta
A fact to remember is that the Vikings

sota franc
stability-

are not an old team anymore. In fact,
several arcas—especially the secondary—
need added maturity. The team also

aimidating defensive linc
like ex-Vikes Alan Page and Carl Eller
used to be, because, in recent years, the
linebackers have held the defensive unit
together. Draftee Doug Martin could be
the help they need.

It was a giddy year in Tampa. The
Buccaneers won ten games and were the
only undele: 1 the league alter
the first five games. It was a spectacular
showing for
team that had lost the first
its existence
success was the defensive unit, one of the
best in the country. The linebackin:
led by Richard Wood and David
perhaps the most formidable
ue, Abo, the offensive unit I
at last come to lile, largely because of the
vival of guard Greg Roberts

needs an i an.

vincipal reason lor the

crew

swith of tackle Charley to
the offensive platoon. Quarterback Doug
Williams, only three years out of college

shows signs of rawness but should get

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PLAYBOY

186

better every year. The Bucs still have
precarious depth, however. and most of
the reserves are untested combat, so
opportune injuries could be d
trous, Last scasom's success resulted
relatively low drafting positions, so this
ar's rooki г likely to make a bi
splash immediately. "It will be nice,"
id a Tampa Bay spokesman, "to give
our newcomers a chance to learn instead
of throwing them into the heat of battle.
ht away.

"Detroit." says the general manager of
a rival d on franchise, "is а Joe Blsplk
team—they walk around with a thunder-
doud over their heads. Just when they
seem to have everything put together,
something happens. It can be turmoil in
the ownership, dissension in the coach-
ing ranks, injuries—you name it."

Last season, it was injuries. The first
two quarterbacks were sidelined for the
season and third-stringer Jeff Komlo got
very little help from the greenest off
sive line in the league. Injuries were so
numerous that rookies were starters
and 25 free agents logged playing time.

As а result. the Lions won only two
games (after many preseason ес:
picked them to win the division title),
and the gloom still hangs heavy.

Inexperience will again be a major
liability in Detroit this season, with the
defensive line (featuring Bubba Baker
and Doug English) the only strong arca
on the squad. Healed inj ad added
ence should also help.
season's disaster provided the
Lions with the very first pick im this
year’s draft, and they used it wisely
ting Bill Sims to fill their desperate
need for a game-breaking running back.

"The rebuilding project in Green Bay
has proved to be a longer and more
agonizing job than fans had expected.
An le last se
especially grim. "The offense
time Green сога for
causc most of the runners were in casts.
The air kely to continue to be
n weapon because of
qua Lynn Dickey's longa
ecovery from a broken leg and D.
Whitehurst's continuing emergence
q

New defensive coordinator John Mey-
er will install a 3-4 defense
season camp, and this year’s draft picks
were used to bring immediate help for
the defenders in the persons of defensive
lineman Bruce Clark, linebacker
Camby and defensive bı

WESTERN DIVISION
NATIONAL FOOTBALL CONFERENCE.
Los Angeles Rams ................ 13-3
New Orleans Saints . . 97
Atlanta Falcons .....
San Francisco 49ers ..

You'll get an idea of how promising
the immediate future looks for the Los

Angeles team by remembering that the
Rams went to the Super Bowl last Janu-
ary despite a season of disastrous injuries,
Eighteen players were out of action
for at least one game. The successful
season was one of the most impressive
displays of raw determination in pro-ball
history. “We just sucked up our guts and
did the job,” istant coach told us,
"and it paid off in doubles, кыш Hie
younger kids got
ence, and we wound up ne:
as ever, despite the injurie:

‘The Rams have become a big-play
team, in contrast to thi
nethodical offensive style, because such
plosive talent is on hand. Wendell
Tyler is the most exciting bre
ner in Tinseltown since Jon Arnett,
and wide receiver Billy Waddy, who
wears two afterburners, is а fearsome
long-ball threat. When q
Vince Ferragamo showed last year 0

an a

ng accuracy, coach Ray Malava
designed the offense to take ad
of available skills, and the Rams’ home-
run threat should be even more evident
this s

offensive line. The only discernible prob-
lem area is the defensive backfield, where
some of last year's wounded may not be
fully recovered.

Largely becuse of some fortunate
trades in recent years, the Rams had
eight draft choice: the first four rounds
and they came up with far more
would ordinarily be ex-
pected of a Super Bowl tcam. Defensive
back Johnnie Johnson could prove the
best choice of them all,

Add it all up and the Rams look like
ure bet to return to the Super Bowl.
New Orlean the most laid-back
y in the country, a Southern. version
of San ncisco with an acute infection
of sanity, and the city's pro-football
team 1 traditionally reflected that

bience. The $
of course, and
that next year the
flowing. The team awakened in the last
weeks of the '79 s ished
with the best record in its history—a

i break-even year. If the
ints can get excited enough, this could
nother good sc: sc there
js more quality talent in camp than
any n the franchise's history

ans

quarte
decent protectie
has been appreciati
Bunker by a relieved New Orl
corps and, as a result, Manning 1
emerged as one of the two or three top
quarterbacks in the country. The Sai

adly need help in the cor
slots—they repeatedly got burned on
Jong passes last year—and the lineback-

er crew needs reinforcing. Three rook-
ies, defensive backs Dave Waymer and
Mike Jolly, plus linebacker Lester Boyd,
will see much action. There is additioi
al hope for the defenders, because coach
Dick No has a solid reputation [or
building formidable defenses. Also, thi
is the third year the Saints have used
the flex defense, and it usually takes
about that long for the players to assimi
late the complexities of that system

With a good offense and excellent
special teams (which used to be a glar-
ing weakness), the Saints just might
ake it to the play-offs if some more
muscle can be put into the defense.

It was a strange year in Atlanta, The
Falcons had an inexplicable tendency
to lose to weaker teams but to beat the
stronger ones. The olfense was potent
enough (largely because the past five
alts have been used to stockpile of
fensive talent), but the defensive unit—
rush—was awful. An
lent from top to bot-
puch better manpower on
the Falcon squad than a [ew years ago,
but it is so imbalanced that a good
showing by the offensive crew is usually
ated by the defensive bumblers. This
ng’s draft brought much new help,
nd the season's success will depend
argely on how quickly the rookies, es-
pecially linebackers Buddy Curry and
Jim Laughlin and defensive back E:
es, can close the floodgates. Whatever
the Falcons will again be one
of the more entertaining—and unpre
dicable—teams to watch. When quar-
terback Stev a good d;
he's a one-m

tom reveals

have gotten so $ ncisco
that they can't possibly worsen. But
since when did logic play a role in the
49er franchise? Nor since before the ad-
ior DeBartolo and
ed general manager
Joe Thomas. Young DeBartolo appears
to have at last learned wurh—
the hard way—his elders tried to tell

vent of owner

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“The emcee comes on like a carnival barker who’s
been given a little Thorazine but not enough.”

hair and a bevy of teenage girls. A truly
Protestant-looking crowd.

‘The emcee comes on like a carnival
barker who's been given a little Thora-
but not enough: He snaps oft his
consonants like stalks of dry wheat,
makes each vowel a swoon and, in gen-
eral, exudes the false cheer the job re-
quires, “If you don't understand a joke,”
he grins, “laugh anyhow and figure it
out on the way back home!” He points

out the locations of the APPLAUSE signs
and reminds the crowd to keep their
ticket stubs: "We'll be giving away valua-

ble prizes in a lottery after the show, to
say thanks for all your clapping and
laughing!"

1 feel the icy presence of John at 19,
reappearing like a stoned elf in the
studio aisle, and this time I agree with
him: Rock 'n' roll does not require
APPLAUSE signs.

"Now I want to show you how to clap.
I call it TV applause—you dap short
and fast, as [ast as you can, and for some
big scientific reason I don't understand,
it sets up а reverb effect and it sounds
much better on the monitors! So all the
millions of folks out there will D
how much you love Dinah and
Doobie Broth

with his neighbors to make sure he's got
it right.

It takes a while to
amplifiers; during the
the house band noodles with Minute by
Minute. No one seems to get the aural
pun, and since there's no glowing sign,
no one laughs. But they're lavish with
their short, fast applause when Dinah
emerges to sing а show-opening ballad.
Moments later, when the curtain p
to re the Doobies’ setup—two di
mers’ thrones, stacks of amps on tici
dozen microphones, four keyboards and
a jungle of wires—the crowd murmurs,
unprepared for such a display of hard-
ware. It’s a question of proportion.

As the band digs in for
the upbeat What a Fool Believes,
I think back to an hour ago, when
Porter, the bass player, sat in the front
row of an abandoned theater on the lot,
speaking of music in clegiac tones. "As
the creative aspect of rock in the Sixties
petered out.” he said in his soft. precise
way, “the industry took over. Whenever
you give them a vacuum, they'll fill it.
Sometimes it seems rock and the industry
are at war—and rock loses, slowly but
surel Now in midsong, Porter is at
peace because he's working the fret board

song.

player
when the music stops, he looks
ill at ease, Porter is not showbiz.

The song ends, the audience claps on
cue and though no sign flashes sQurar
Or Gasp, a few teeny-boppers go boldly
ahead. They fling “Ooohs” like bouquets
at McDonald and a few at Chet Mc
Cracken, the new drummer, whose na
they don't know: “Ooooh, drumm:
The pubescent shrieks induce a longing
for the old days. Erotic and irrational,
they sound more to the point than the
studious clapping of elderly men in
acrated golf caps.

Porter sheepishly nods and smiles, Mc-
Donald gives a tentative wave that elicits
more cries and the band launches into
Minute by Minute. Ollstage, Dinah does
a matronly boogie. The band is so tight,

But
htly

tly like the record. They finish
h leads them over to the con-
versation area.

As they wait to converse, the press
agent whispers in my ear: "Did I tell
you that the Doobies are the only band
ever to star in a two-part situation come-
dy? They were on What's Happening!

Forty million viewers." He's provoking
the 19-year-old me into more ridicule:
Jerry Lee Lewis on Bachelor Father . . .
Chuck Berry on The Donna Reed
Show.
All this TV mania should be placed
in context. Rock and the tube have been
at odds ever since 1956, when Ed Sul-
livan exorcised the demon of Elvis Pres-
ley's pelvis and filmed him only from the
waist up. We'd get the Monkees, we'd
get Midnight ‘Special—watered-down
rock. And when a Hendrix or a Joplin
went on talk shows, it was to deliver
wasted non sequiturs that convinced
their nervous hosts t some wi and
unnamable force was in the air.
Now we see Todd Rundgren and
Alice Cooper on Hollywood Squares,
matching wits with George Gobel, and
the Doobies on show after show. While
there's nothing inherently wrong about
it—shut up, you litile speed freak—the
band scems awkward shooting the breeze
with Dinah. I've watched them do skits
on other programs and McDonald looks
woefully out of place, despite his bearded
good looks. The man who scems to have
been hand-picked by God to sit at a
keyboard and sing looks edgy being
natural" or repeating scripted jokes.
Later that day, he says, “I love the
camaraderie of musicians, Frankly, what
I don't like is being pushed into the
spotlight of ‘performer.’ It makes me
feel like a complete fool. It doesn’t fit
me. There's no way for me to express
myself in that form. I love walking into

"I'm quite certain, gentlemen,
that Exxon, Shell, Mobiland Gulf
would all gladly trade their increased profits
for just a little love and understanding
from the American people.”

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a rehearsal hall with other musicians.
That part—being a working musician—
І enjoy immensely. But I don't want to
be a personality. I feel like an idiot
even trying.

So why does he allow himself to be
t-jacketed into the role? It's possible
that McDonald, a shy and gifted man
28, can't gauge the extent of his
power to say no. Industry speculation
has it that one day he will be
ger than Billy Joel,” and despite the
hype inherent in the business, he stands
a good chance. As a songwriter, he has a
gilt for the opening lyric that. plunges
the listener into the mood: “He came
from somewhere back in her long ago...”
"You don't know me, but Im your
brother . .." "Girl, as we take a long,
t this love. . . .” His melodies
are bluesy yet ethereal amd his tenor
curlicues around them in way that
makes many women, as one Doobie says,
want to fuck his voice.” And although
McDonald shudders at the notion of
being a sex idol, the press agent persists
in showcasing him that way frequently
citing his resemblance to Italian film

a comparison
ious number of.
magazine stories. (That seems a pretty
weak ploy: It’s hard to imagine teenage
girls in North Dakota saying, "Michael's
so cule, he's like the guy in all those
Lina Wertmuller fibns!")

That night, over plates stacked high
with barbecued ribs, McDonald looks
much calmer. We're talking about a sub-
ject dear to both our hearts—the bars.
Two-bit roadhouses with ornate neon
tubing, ratty carpets on the bandstand,
rows of bottles under red lights
bouncers named Sal:

$100, split five ways, for a full night's
work—and not even that if Sal gets mad.
nts where the dancers pester you for a
nk Floyd tune or vomit on your

A" says McDonald dreamily,
"I desperately miss the clubs. I learned
so much in clubs. I miss those five hours
of playing loose. My whole style comes
from the clubs. Because there you have
two choices: to be bored stiff or to have
some fun with it. For me, bottom line,
1 was just as happy playing the Pink
Panther Room as I am right now. The
real pleasure—the pleasure I can put
my hands on—is the same pleasure I got
when I just closed my eyes for a bunch
of drunks and really enjoyed the song I
was singing. I know that now."

AH the Doobies share his nostalgia
for cheap dives. But the dubs, once
strung along highways in bright profu-
sion, become rarer cach year. Some put
on airs and become "cafés"; some are
forced to close by irate neighbors; but
most turn into discos. If you've heard co-

medians lament the absence of crummy
night clubs for young comics, you'll un-
derstand the wistful note in Knudsen's
voice: “Disco has knocked out the clubs
where young musicians used to learn.
Where they played five sets a night for
two people. Where they learned to jam
or play drunk on their butts. It may be
leading to a hollow, unsoulful sound.”

"That's the crux of it: Without the
scuzzy bars in Hamburg and Liverpool.
the Beatles might have remained gifted
amateurs. Bars are schools for intimacy,
for touching people firsthand: with eyes
closed, you can judge your success by the
pounding of feet and the sweat in the
air. Huge blunt that sensation.
As Knudsen says: "Sometimes Ill think
the audience isn't responding and ГЇЇ
be completely wrong. In a 10,000.
hall, you're surrounded by monitors a
a big P.A. system, and you can only hear
the people in the front row

McDonald began playing small rooms
as a child in St. Louis. "My father w
n more bars than any drunk you eve
he says fondly, "but he never
drank. He just loved to sit in with piano
players. I was singing in front of people
at the age of four. My father had a
group called the Lincoln Minstrels, an
amateur minstrel show, and I'd travel
round the city with them, playing old
folks’ homes—I used to love the old
World War One songs.

“And then music was so important to
me socially as a teenager. It was my
identity. In junior high, I was at every-
body's party, because our band would
play. We'd do Mustang Sally, Hang On
Sloopy, the latest Sonny and Cher song.
It was such a thrill: it was great to be in
a band in junior high, because everyone
liked you

McDonald toys with his sparcribs, lost
in a reverie. You can almost hear the
young McDonald singing through a tin
ny mike, see the bowls of Fritos and
coolers of soft drinks, feel the surge of
the old songs. "I remember my parents’
looking at rock and secing this ramp
ing immortality—uh, I meant to say
immorality, but we thought at the time
we were immortal, too—but it was re:
ly so innocent then. That innocence was
such a wonderful thing. And that's what
depresses me about punk rock—I get the

g music to
iserable, whereas we
used to pla each other feel good.”

At a nearby table, a guitarist sere-
nades giggly diners with The Impossi-
ble Dream and McDonald returns to
the present. “Boy, that's а hard gig,” he
whispers in sympathy. ing to tables
full of fan s from Encino. Whew.”

At М, McDonald began his recording
career. “The local disc jockey recorded
me and sent the tracks to Memphis for
overdubbing,” he says. “I was on a label
called Arch Records, a subsidiary of

feeling that people are m.

ach other
ike

mak

Stax-Volt, and the great soul musicians—
Booker T. and the Memphis Hoi
those guys— played on my records.
music was his touchstone; animated
R&B, he learned to play and sing
assion. "Soul was all that anyone knew
nd there, to tell you the truth. I
guess acid rock was going on. but it was
very far away. Ray Charles, Marvin
Gaye—ihose were the influences.

But McDonald never falls victim to

which consists of alse emoti
face vocals without depth.
smart enough to know why. '*
Redding. The fact that he sounds like
he's got razor blades in his throat was
only a physical defect that he got
around. Or Ray Charles. You listen to
Ray Charles talk and by any medical
standard, he shouldn't be able to sing at
all. He's so hoarse he сап barely talk.
But when he sings. there's so much to
be expressed that he gets around his
hoarseness and, in fact, makes it an attri-
becomes a warmth instead of a

so a lot of white singers try to

nii «d of those voices, instead
of understanding the intent.’

Ihe intent. McDonald has a genius
for it. "Fo a banker, if you can't count

it’s not real. But that's not so. Th
why there are guys out in the desert
slowly chipping a mountain into the
shape of Ihey sec things as
real that aren't physically apparent, they
don't have to be there in their entirety.
The unseen power—that’s like the emo-
tional content of good musi

He peers across the pyramid of spare-
ribs as if hunting that unseen power in
the roon As much as rock ‘n’ roll is
rt form, it’s also а symptom—a
symptom of technological society. Rock
is our right to s The more society
pushes us into a corner, the more we
need it. I see it in our audiences—they
need to be there. Sometimes I look out
at 60,000 people and I realize it's more
than a social event: Its a huge release,
like in the days of ancient Rome. Coli-
cums seem to be there whenever society
gets too big for its britches. When
people get lost in the shuffle, they gather
in places like that to watch some epic
event. yman's way of clutching
at the world.”

Clearly, im 14 years of rocking, Mc
Donald has burned out very few brain
cells. Even John at 19, humbled by the
acuity of McDonald's thought, is forced
ndeed, have
its place i up.

As McDonald sips at his brandy, the
café's manager comes over with a ballsy
request: Like, everyone's stoked that he's
here and, dig it, would he do a couple of
tunes? McDonald stares at the snilter of
brandy as if requesting its permission.
"Uh, normally I would.” he s;
Ive had almost a whole brandy . .. I

ls сус

might embarrass myself.” He lets himself
be cajoled, though, and as he walks into
the bar, young women in pastel halters
and guys in Hawaiian shirts abandon
their food for a chance to hear him.

ist's at work in the bar,
when
ager whispers in his car, his
eyes widen comically and he wraps up

Fue and Rain in a hurry. McDonald is
announced to а roar of surpr

at the, rickety piano, on
back to the clubs, and says,
I remember any songs."

The barroom teems with aspiring stars.
d pickups—an L.A. version of a back-
woods honky-tonk. McDonald closes his
eyes, strikes a chord and sings: ""To-
gether again, my tears have stopped
fallin’. . ..'" A perfect choice for a bar,
the old C&W heartbreaker induces some
women to put their heads on nearby
shoulders and dream. After what Mc-
Donald's been saying about clubs, you
can't help but hear a metaphor in the
lyrics: “ "And nothing else matters: we're
together again." It’s a stunning per-
formance, and the bar patrons applaud
wildly, without an emcee's coaxing; when
he plays the opening figure of It Keeps
You Runnin’, they know it right av
Doobies for a moment, they sing the
chorus while McDonald's voice soars
above them. Keeping his cyes shut, he
might be back the Pink Panther or
some other joint. a brilliant unknown,
playing for nothing.

The overhead for the Doobie Brothers
operation runs to $65,000 a month. That
means it costs $780,000 a year just to
keep the mechanism at low hum and
forces them to keep touring: Even with
32,000,000 records sold. they can't imc
the role of idle rich. Although McDonald
can get to the heart of rock with just a
d and a single
ophone, the Doobies travel with
semis, the twin Martin 404 prop
nes and a crew of 25. Simmons runs
up 5600 a month in phone bills to his
ck home. The band goes,
as one membe "first. cabin."
spite brief dips in their popularity.
pretty much how they've donc it lor the
past ten years,

For John McFee, their new guitarist,
the past decade has been a completely
different trip. He, too, spent ten years
on the road—but he toured at ground
level, with a band named Clover. And
Clover's endurance record is made am
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no one heard of it—except for a small
cult in the Bay Area and other rock
musicians around the country. A superb
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McFee got a call to replace departing
ist Jeft Baxter.

“I was in limbo, fucked up. down to
literally my last $20, and even that was
borrowed. But I've always been loyal,

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and the Doobies knew me, so they
figured I might not take the gig.” Not
take the gig? How could anyone turn
down а job with America’s top band in
favor of poverty? And yet, over the yes
McFee—a veteran session man as well
as Clover member—had spurned offers
from Boz Scaggs and Steve Miller, in
order to remain in his own band. And
his story with Clover plays a vital coun-
termelody to the Doobies' tune.

“The last Clover tour was incredible.
Thanks to various record-company ass-
holes, we were touring in the middle of
winter, back ing in

„ all of us dr
one windowed van—the whole band—in
blizzard conditions, һ no money. It
was a kamikaze mission. We took turns at
the wheel of the van, driving through
Towa at 15 miles an hour because the
roads were so icy you weren't supposed
to travel—but we had to get to the next
gig. We didn’t get paid for three weeks
on that tour—with Clover, there was no
such thing as per diems—but we got $120
a week for us to live on and share with
our old ladies at home. That was it. But
for three weeks we didn't even get that.
So we had to drive from gig to gig just to
get money for gas and food—we couldn't
even say ‘Fuck, man, this is awful, let's
go home,’ because we didn't have enough
money for a Greyhound bus. And now
here we are in North Dakota in the

snow. The only food we got was the
bare minimum that was called for in
the rider clauses of gig contracts—a cou-
ple bottles of orange juice, maybe some
peanuts, sandwiches and cheese.”

Remember, this was not some ragtag
bunch of kids on downs: This was a
highly regarded band, recording for a
major label. As McFee tells his story,
brushing his lank hair back over his
shoulders, he's rem bly matter of fact.
about it—because he knows it’s far more
common than the Doobies' saga, though.
it's a life that few outside rock know
about. "No sour grapes, man. It takes so
ny things to make it in this business—
talent, the right rack jobbers. A
ppen.”

So what centrifugal force kept Clover
together through ten years of degrada-
tion? “A lot of love, a lot of hope. When
you're going onstage and playing great
music, you forget you're broke—it's a
false nirvana, I guess, as far as worldly
things go. I'd do gardening work when
I absolutely had to. I'm classified unem-
ployable by the state of California, I
have no skills whatsoever, but I'd do odd
jobs: polishing doorknobs—for real—
house cleaning, scrounge work. Survival.
And Га only do that at rock bottom—
Га go through deep hunger before I'd
take any day gig at all. But now that I'm

luc
whole chain reaction has to h

“It’s not for any charity. This
is the business I'm in."

married and have a kid, I have a differ-
ent attitude toward st ion."

‘The men in Clover were foot soldiers,
urged forward through the mud by their
own love of rock. Now, with the Doobies,
the guitarist has entered the officers’
club. How does it feel? "At one time, 1
would've taken success and gone out and
killed myself with it, either through
drugs or fast cars. But thank God 1
was unsuccessful for so long—I've seen
enough people go through weird head
trips about success—that it's not driving
me crazy. I don't have debts to pay olt,
because I never had credit. So my life
hasn't changed that much: I just don't
have to worry that my band will break
up because everyone's starving.”

John at 19, enchanted by McFec,
sncaks in a question about the golf
neys and TV shows. "I think the
showbiz stuff is a of saying, "Look
at us in the broad daylight." People have
come to expect certain things from rock
bands—like, "Wow, they're far too hip
to drive a Toyota.’ ‘You shouldn't have
a golf classic, you should have a wild
party and wreck furniture.’ Well, that's
one way to use money, but the Doobies
would rather do charity things. You
don't have to hate your mother in order
to play guitar.”

tor

E
McFee, like most of the other Doobies.
can stroll unnoticed down the streets of
any town—a privilege few stars enjoy.
That's due in part to the frequent
reshullling of band members. When rock
groups fist emerged as self-contained
units, in the era of the Beatles and early
Stones, the of ters
gave cach band its aura. But the rock
band—that is, the firmly bonded, rough-
ly socialistic kind—may soon be a his-
torical oddity. The "band" cohered as
a structure in the early Sixties, taking
shape from a universe of nameless studio
musicians; it might not outlive the early
Eighties. As attention reverts to individ-
wal stars, who are easier to merchandise,
the rock group—which flowered in a time
of communes, Levittowns and encounter
sessions—becomes virtually obsolete.

But who mourned for soul bands? Or
jazz bands? Or cowboy gangs, for that
matter? The Doobie Brothers are, by
necessity, as much a corporation as a
rock-n-roll group.

Still, youd never mistake guitarist
Simmons for a vice-president of Stand-
ard Oil Pale and thin, decked out
in skintight jeans, purple jersey and
snakeskin boots, he looks just depraved
enough to keep up appearances. Aside

from McDonald, he's the only truly
identifiable Doobie, and he still re-
sembles the San Jose beach hippie on

the covers of the group's first records.
Tonight he'll celebrate the decade at

the Friars’ Club. Now, in the coffee shop

of the Sheraton Universal, he orders

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a cheese omelet: He has recently be-
come a vegetarian. “No heavy scruples
or anything—but we get a lot of bad
meat on the road. You get served pretty
bizarre-locking stuff at four л.м. in road-
side diners. I thought of all the greasy
spoons I'd visited in the past ten years
and it got scary. So I gave it up.”

And yet, despite bad meat and road
fever, he appears sane and healthy—
caged inside the flashy persona is a
bright, quiet adult. How did he manage
to keep it together for so long? "I
don't know that I have,” he says. "T
don't keep sane on the road. But I don't
get as ‘outside’ as 1 to. I
heavily into that bikers’ concept—you
know, ‘ride hard, die young.” He
smiles in gentle sel£mockery
repeats the axiom; then, as he glances
down at the Los Angeles Times by his
е, the smile dies and he flinches.

used was

t might, the ccstasy-or-nothing
credo that animates the best rock
claimed yet another musician, a close

imons', and with the obi
uary still fresh beside his coffee, he
looks shaky. "I can't help but think it
could've been me. I've been on the
verge, and you cant say about the
future. He gazes out at Uy-pool,
glimmering in the morning light. “It
still could be me.” Three children run
ш at the rock star. flushed
. Simmons doesn't see. “It
will be me.” His coffee turns cold. “It
starts to make me feel old.”

Although streaks of gray run through
Simmons’ waistlength hair, 31 isn't
ancient even by rock standards. But his
line of work entails high insurance
premiums. Besides the constant
of suspect beef patties, what
perils he faces? "At the beginning, lots
of cocaine—which I feel is the most
insidious drug going. I was madly into
it for several years. We got our advance
for the first album and immediately ran
out and scored—we cut that whole first
album on it. Finally, I reached a point
where it was changing me as a person.
Making me paranoid. Coke is hard to
see out of, once you're inside it. It
affects you even when you're not doing
it. So today I pretty much shine it on.
I might do the occasional toot, but
mostly I shy away.”

Yet Simmons doesn't leave concerts
with volumes of Keats and Shelley
tucked beneath his arm for nights of
silent contemplation. “Of course. we
still get down,” he smiles. “It might be
in Podunk, North Carolina, way back
in the sticks, but if there arc some nice
kids coming around with joints, we
might buy ten cases of beer and kick
back for a good time. But there's no
abuse of other people—and I think
that’s where rock bands get their no-
toriety, when someone gets abused,
whether it's a hotel manager or some
chick. We've never been that way. Any

friend of Si

time we get crazy, i's done in good
tast

He looks cheerful now as he nurses
his omelet, but his friend's death stares
him in the face. To escape it for a
moment, Simmons turns the page, where
he encounters a long piece about The
Doobie Brothers, with his face looming
over the words.

At dusk, limousines polished like
black mirrors begin to appear in the
Sheraton parking lot. The flotilla of
Lincolns ind and entourage
to a record-company party at the Fr
Club, which seems an unlikely venue.
(Indeed, the dinner for Jimmy Stewart
ng place the same night seems a

l fantasize about Ste
g into the wrong hall and
king into a few bars of " "Wha-wha-
vhat a, what a fool, uh, what a fool
believes. . . .' ")

Record-company parties à
ture, orgies of self-congratulation, lit by
the dazzle of gold medallions on bared
chests. This one’s a little more tasteful,
since Warners’ has a reputation as the
classiest of labels to uphold. And yet,
with the caterers’ tables and milling
crowd, the cffect—as
panion points ou
Brothers bar mitzvah

Porter looks as il he’s expecting the
worst. "I never relax in these situa-
tions," he says. He has put his face in
neutral, stashed his lovely smile away.
He did not start rocking in order to
be feted with huge floral cente
“The Sixties got. commerciali and
sold," he had said the day before. “Most
people are so involved with getting to
the top, they don't give a fuck about
that spirit anymore.” And what is that
spirit? "Simple: Listen to the fucking
music.

The press agent works the room, pos-
g Doobies with TV actors for photos,
ng the air by the checks of execu-
tives’ wives, glad-handing at top speed,
breathless. He says hello and goodbye
with one all-purpose salutation: “Having
a good time?" In his world, gaiety is
strictly enforced.

Finally, he climbs onto the stage to
make an announcement. He stands be-
neath the Friars’ logo—a plump monk
in cowl with the motto PRAE OMNIA
FRATERNITAS, which means “brotherhood
above all” and seems apt. After routine
thank-yous, he introduces the evening's
music: soul ci h many of its
original her ddie Floyd,
author of Knock on Wood. perhaps the

g Tramp with
Thomas, her father, who did Walkin’ the
Dog and loosed the Funky Chicken on
America. The Memphis Horns, who sup-
plied the brass refrains that made soul
so entrancing. And to cap the bill, two

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PLAYBOY

194

real princes of rhythm-and-blucs, Sam
and Dave.
reconstituted soul revue plays
for nearly four hours. Its passion is so
L—so berant and precise at the
same time—that it shames 98 percent of
current stuff. Rufus Thomas, an old rap-
scallion in an orange suit with knickers,
opens the show by prodaiming, "Lots
of people say they don't like the blues—
but you get them behind closed doors,
put a litle dip of snuff up their no:
put on some Muddy Waters, and they'll
start hollerin' all over town!" Then he
launches into a raunchy 12-bar blues,
ing a classic bit of R&B bragga-
Oh, baby, don't you want to
come with me? I've got bedsprings that
can sing My Country, " Tis of Thee...”

By the time Sam and Dave come on to
do / Thank You and Hold On, I'm Com-
ing, the Friars’ Club has been trans-
formed into an odiferous joint by the
music. Make-up applied with excruciat-
g care rolls down faces in rivulets;
Givenchy dresses turn dark in patches.
The voice of pagan Gospel returns—

people who haven’t danced in years buck
and prance and shake fists in the air.
This is what mu before it became
"The Record Industry. (Or, as McDonald
will say dreamily the next day, summon-
ing his warmest prai “It was like
being in high school again.")

The night concludes with an hourlong
version of Sam and Dave's deathless
Soul Man, in which the principals are
joined onstage by McDonald, the Jack-
son Five, Bonnie Raitt, Kenny Loggins
and members of the Ambrosia and Pablo
Cruise bands. After 45 minutes, the mu-
ns tamp down the groove and let it
simmer, the way only a great soul band
can do, and the Sam and Dave number
segues into Shake Your Body (Down to
the Ground), the Jackson Five hit. The
unity of the two songs points out, far
better than any music critic could, how
strong the influence of R&B has been.
And yet, as everyone in the room knows,
Sam and Dave—their voices and fervi
undiminished. е not “commerci;
today's market. "Maybe they aren't Nazi
enough for pure disco freaks," McDonald
says wryly.

“My own little solar panel—storing
up heat until needed!”

But there's something incredibly mo
ing about this all-star jam session—as
on this one night, only passion counts.

The morning after the party, Corncl-
ius Bumpus stands before his hotel win-
dow, sweetly blowing tenor sax to the
blond mountains of the San Fernando
Valley. In a few hours, Bumpus, an-
other rookie Doobie, will perform in
the first of seven sold-out concerts at
the 5000-seat amphitheater. He has been
playing sax for 24 years and been
working musician (“Never out of a job
he says with muted pride) since he was
11. Starting in a high school group whose
name, the "Irendo Trio, perfectly cap-
tured the mood of the cra, he moved
through Corny and the Corvettes and,
by his rough guess, 100 other band
Now, like McFee, he has stepped into a
world of platinum albums and vast
arenas, “It's like . . . it’s like an ascen-
sion, man, you know what I mean?”

That night, watching Bumpus solo in
the purple-and-amber spotlights, 1 know
what he means. When he sings lead on
Long Train Runnin’ to thousands of
fans, he might be thinking back a few
years—to when nds
played that very song on a San Fr
cisco sidewalk, for coins dropped into
a felt hat. Across the stage, McFee plays
his black guitar in a classic stance—legs
spread, hipbones jutting, head tilted
back so all you see is jaw line and ha
Simmons sprints the length of the stage
to make a flying leap into the darkness,
then ventures into the crowd to solo,
escorted by two beefy security men.
McDonald's passionate, open-throated
vocals do honor to his mentors, Ray
Charles and Marvin Gaye.

And yet, despite the rousing encore
of Listen to the Music, despite the letter-
perfect renditions, some hint of ecs
is missing. You sense the choreography
behind p. the effort їп the
x the respect of the
nmys and the wealth,
the Doobies have misplaced the gift of
spontaneit

“I'm looking to get more basic, more
rock п’ roll," says McDonald. “I think
the new members will help us get
more fiery. I'm looking for a little more
release."

"There's more talent in The Doobie
Brothers than on the entire rosters of
some record labels. But talent alone will

he and two fri

an-

not provide that release McDonald seek
some rekindling of the fire that Sam and.
Dave lit, some return in spirit to the

two-bit clubs and rave-ups must occur,
100. For a generation confused about
its past and future, rock can never be
merely entertainment; it must also be, as
McDonald says, our right to scream,

TEN KINDS OF WOMEN

(continued from page H8)

“You have been invited to fill a void in her life—
and the void happens to be 90 percent of the life.”

said—T said" variety. Drama, after all,
needs an audience.

Any man who can put up with the
choreographed c than а
few weeks is to be commended for his
nd probably should be
written off himself. Only a bona fide
masochist can learn to live with this kind
of thing,

as for more

The Neuter

Early on, in a relationship with this
woman, you will undoubtedly be con-
vinced that you have stumbled upon
Never has your ego been so

nirvana.

fervently massaged. It is apparent. from
her adoring gaze that at last you
found someone who recognizes that

you're as brilliant, as witty, as down-
right adorable as you always suspected
you were.

Then you find out the terrible truth:

This woman has no critical faculties
whatsoever
Indeed, you soon learn that she is

unsure even of her sense of humor.
Lacking direction, she will laugh just
as hard at 7917 as at Woody Allen—
which is why she makes a point of
watching you so closely and laughing
only on cue. Your political. opinions
will become hers, and your biases; she'll
even begin dressing to please you.

Quite simply, you have been invited
to fill a void in her life—and the void
happens to be 90 percent of the life.
She allows you to envelop her because,
in effect, if there is no man in her
existence. there is nothing else. That
is why the relationship progresses with
such stunning alacrity: Within four
уз. she's telling you that she loves
you; within a week, she's stopping to
admire babies on the street and letting
you know how much she wants one of
her own

Your first ind she may
not, in fact, adore you exclusively for
your matchless qualities might come
when you hear about her previous
boyfriends. They are entirely different
from you, and from one another, and
you get the uncomfortable
you would loathe every one of them.
The only thing you all have in common
ish

"How," you ask in bewilderment,
"could you have been interested
Greck disco dancer and then in mc

She looks confused. "What do
me

"We're so incredibly different."

“Well, I loved you for different
reasons,”

tion d

sense that

you

The different reasons. upon your
further investigation, turn out to be
that she happened to be with the Greck
disco dancer then and with you now.

There is, ol course, an element of
genuine sadness to such a person but
the time must come, as it has come for
all the creeps who preceded you. to
recognize that it is her problem and
not yours. In the end. to continue will
leave both of you deeply frustrated:
you because it’s no fun sharing life

with an amoeba, because, inevitably,
you will grow contemptuous of her; she
because being an amoeba affords a per-
son precious little selfrespect

One last thing to watch out for: the
words “I've never felt this way," spoken
within five days of your first encounter.
"Trust me; she's felt this way before.

The Too-Recent Casualty

A guy I know, a grizzled veteran. of
the romantic wars. has promulgated a
theorem about women lately split from
longtime mates; Expect one усаг of
erratic behavior for every four years of
serious involvement: if the woman has
been jilted, add another six months for
good measure,

It is, of course, terribly easy to be
facile at other people's expense, but

“Tt says, ‘Red male, twenty-four, six feet, two,
one hundred and eighty pounds,

seeks oversexed females all ages. Satisfaction

guaranteed. Call at Painted Rock after sunset.

195

PLAYBOY

the principle is nonetheless exemplary.
None of us finds it easy to instantly
regain equilibrium after an emotional
mauling, but—with apologies to femi-
nists in the crowd—women generally
have it even harder than men. TI
observation is by no means meant to
be slighting: anyone whose emotional
machinery is in proper working order
should take some time to recover from
a wrenching experience. It is merely
being suggested that it is not a good
са to throw yourself into the arms
someone who has recently been so
wrenched.

Alter a period of intense joy—
profound relict is always an occasion
joy—chances аге excellent that she
I resume her brooding with a venge-
The old boyfriend. whom you'd
hoped you'd buried with that early
endless, tearful conversation about wl
had gone wrong with that relationship,
suddenly begins surfacing in her con-
versation with galling regulwity. Olten
you'll find yourself compared with this
faceless (unless, of course, she still keeps
a pile of photos of him in the drawer
by the bed) rival. “I'm so happy you
don’t play tennis. Jim was the number-
two junior singles player in Michigan
“1 cant stand to hear the sound wack
of Saturday Night Fever. It always re-
minds me of Allen.”

Worse yet is the woman who never
mentions the departed, his presence
hanging over both of you like a poison-
ous mist. Aud then one night you wake
up and find her sobbing beside you.

But the absolute killer is the phenom-
enon. mon as crab grass yet
somehow always startling, of the woman
who purports to despise her former
rls about him constantly, ap-
pears ready to slay him on sight, and
then tu n regular contact
with him. Indeed, if she despises him
hard enough. for a sufficient length of
time, it is altogether likely that she will
pick up and leave you for him.

A greatuncle of mine. living in a
Florida retirement village and still
peppy at the age of 78. had very much
the right idea. "You must be doing
prety well.” I remarked on one visit,
“with all the widows around here.

He dapped à hand on my shoulder.
“Only divorcees for me. son. There's no
percentage in competing with ghosts.”

The Victim

This is the woman for whom every
thing has always gone wrong. personally
as well as professionally, but it is never
her fault. A friend of mine was recently
involved with one such woman.

“AL first.” he says, 7
How could 1 not be?

lover, si

ns out to be

ble stuff was happening to her. Her
marriage had broken up because her
husband was so selfish; she'd been fired
from her job with a local TV station
because her boss was jealous of her; she
was being threatened with eviction from
her apartment because her landlord, who
wanted to jack up the price, was pretend-
ing he hadn't received the r

"I began to get suspicious only when
she explained that the reason a check
she'd given me had bounced was that the
ad for her; I knew for sure I
trouble when, after our first big
fight. I was chewed out by a couple of
our friends who'd heard, in vivid detail,
about what a monster I'd been from the
beginning.”

That, of course, is wha variably
comes to. In the end, she will contrive
to screw up the relationship. as she
screws up all else—and guess who will
be asked to accept the blame.

These women are rarely easy to spot
carly. Indeed, one of the reasons their
tales of persecution are so convincing in
the first place is that they often appear to
have everything going for them—brains,
looks and composure. One fellow of my
q nce reports that he was deeply
fatuated with one such woman, before
he began to understand. precisely what
he'd gotten himself into, "OK, so she'd
made a lot of enemies along the way and
her romantic past was a disaste 1
thought she was just unlucky. Then one
day she begins talking about how un-
happy she is, and suddenly, out of the
blu 5 ck on me. ‘It's
your fault” she keeps saying. geuing
angrier and angrier. ‘My life is in pieces
and it's your fault."

“It was only then that I recognized the
symptoms, I went to the closet, dug out
some Krazy Glue and tossed it to her.
‘Here,’ ] said, leading her to the door,
fix it up yourself”

it tur

o an

The Man's Woman

This is the woman with no women
friends, on the face of it a trait that
might appear to have little bearing on

your relationship with her. Indeed, if
you are of a particu

rly optimistic turn
of mind, you might even perceive it as a
plus, leaving her all the more
to you. Would that it were that simple. .

Women see things in other women
that we men, struck insensible by a coy
liule smile, or the purr in a voice, or an
appropriate roundness in all the right
places, rarely spot until, panting, with
our hearts lying on the floor, it is much
too late. Women know that females who
tailor their beings to appeal to men are,
at best, empty ninnies and. more often,
coolly unscrupulous wretches. While we
are study ed sway to

g the exaggera

their hips and the suggestion of come-on
in their smoky eyes, women see the other
side—the gratuitous put-downs and mali-
cious smirks. While we shake our heads
in admiration the cut of their
clothes or the luminous glow of their
skin, women shake theirs in wonderment
at the lunacy of devoting two thirds of a
modest salary to wardrobe and every
ngle daylight hour to sun-bathing.

Your problem, if it is your misfortune
to align yourself with such a woman, is
that sooner or later you will find out all
the things the other women already
and then some. For, congenital
ding to
just about any shrink you ask, with pro-
found unresolved problems visa-vis her
father), she will be constitutionally un-
able to suddenly alter her behavior. In
all kinds of ways, subtle and overt, she
will give the impression of coming on to
other men, perhaps even to your friends.

over

And when you point that out, she will

almost surely deny it. appearing for all
the world to believe her denial; it is, she
will say, simply the way she is.

In return, the compensations afforded

by such ion are very slight. indeed.
or a while," recalls one fellow brielly
involved with such a monster, "it was

n with her,
and know that every
d me. Then I rented a
ith four other guys, and
as miserable. This
n't going to be happy until
4 every one of them panting after
- I'd sit there, watching these incredi-

scenes—she'd talk to them about
oking their heads, and
ard suggest we all go skinny-dip-
ping together—and later, when I'd rant
andi she'd accuse me of being

reward enough just to be se
to enter

man there е
summer house

roo!

ble
their problems, s

ve at he
liule jerk.

"It took a visit from a woman cousin
of mine to straighten me out. Shc
watched my friend in action for an hour
d a half and told me, very firmly, to
get the hell aw

The Tinkerer

The woman who i
trying to change her man has probably
been around since the dawn of human
relations, and in recent decades, thanks
to the comic strips and the movies and
television situation comedies, she has as
sumed her pl a full-fledged cultural
stereotype. right beside the sympathetic
barkeep. the harried husband and the
whore with the heart of gold.

Still, a cliché is not always obvious.
Often, this woman will operate with a
deftness that would give Fred Astaire

an insecur

stantly sets about

сє а

passe, insinuating her way into your life
‘Then one evening, аз you're en route to
dinner with your boss (such is her tim-

ing), she may broach the question: "Don't

is definitely

197

PLAYBOY

198

you think your hair is a little too long?"
om there, it usually will not take
long for her to get around to your habit
of fishing ice out of your glass and pop-
ping it into your mouth. the way your
place is decorated, your choice, for God's
sake, of friends. "My goodness" she
might put f she really knows her stuff,
“you're so much more interesting than
those schmoes you hang around with.”
And then, if allowed to get away with
that, like an aggressive power whose
expansionism too long gone un-
checked, she will almost surely try to
tamper with your very essence. “One
evening over dinner,” reports a San
Francisco friend, “this person just lit
into me. ‘You're too reserved,’ she told
me, ‘you laugh at the wrong things, your
values mess. Then she started
playing analyst, shooting a
kinds of questions about my parents
grandparents—all of which implied that
I was a mess and had better change." Не
pauses and shakes his head at the mem-
ory. "People talk abont figuratively
running away from someone. I left that
restaurant and literally ran away."

are a

Not a bad policy, that. Ultimately. if
one has any self-respect whatsoever, hav-
ing such a person skulking about be-
comes intolerable, “I'm a very patient
guy,” notes my friend Paul. "I agreed to
change my wardrobe to please her, went
all the way from baggy jeans to Brooks
Brothers to please her, because I happen
not to care about clothes,

“But when she started belitding me
for playing weekend softball, which is
my favorite thing to do in the world, 1
put my foot down. Actu: parting
scene was kind of touching. She looked
up at me, gave me a little kiss and said,
"You could be such a wonderful person—
if only you were different.

ly. oui

The Overly Adamant Feminist

"There is no need to catalog the ways
in which the feminist movement has
Itered—indeed, revolutionized —person-
al relations between men and women.
The fact of try relate
more equal terms has meant a profound
adjustment for us all, one that has rent
asunder thousands upon thousands of

ng to on new,

“No, that’s not him!”

couples: but, in countless other cases,
it has Бе is for a new, thrilling
nding. | know
v men who would dismiss
any woman who did not ascribe to basic
feminist beliels as а fool, someone not
worth bothering with.

But then, of course, there are those
women so vigilant in defense of their
version of ideological purity, so inllexi
ble in the face of transgressors that they

render life unlivable for n un-
fortumate enough to have stumbled into
their midst. Say something in the pres-

ce of one of these latter-day Carry
she deems "sexist"—call а
girl, for example, or make
ted remark a

bout a terrific
recent sexual encounter—and you can
pect. at the very least, a. scowl, and
most probably a vicious tongue-lashing

There is often ample cause to specu-
late on the motives, conscious and un-
conscious, of these people, for anything
beyond perfunctory observation of them
is likely to raise the question: Is the
rhetoric, though sincere, in fact a smoke
screen. behind which hide profound in-
securities and shortcomings?

One would be advised not to look into
the matter in that kind of depth, Exist-
ound one of these women. to hear
tales of the survivors, can be a
living hell. Says one, “The message was
drummed into my head every day in a
dozen ways—you're bad
Td start to make the most innocuous
remark and then catch myself and
wonder—will it pass muster? You end
up feeling like a ridiculous pip-squeak:
either that or you become
cous and humorless as she is.

That. perhaps, is the gravest danger
of all. "For a while there," reports an-
other fellow, "I went around pa
my high consciousness as much
did. flaunting my new superiority to
every man T knew. My girlfriend loved
it—and all my friends stopped speaking

ence
the

nd Im good.

the testing docs not cease cven
She used to decide how many
entitled to," adds the
same guy. "God help me if I got mine
and she didn't get her

Baby Doll

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any child, she is very good at taking but
has a whole lot to learn about giving
and sharing. Invariably, the attitude
with such a woman is: You buy me the
fancy dress and in return I won't cook.
Announce youre bringing Walter Cron-
kite home for dinner and she'll send out
for pizza. The chances are excellent, by
the way, that she will be equally passive
in bed

The reason you had hoped, at the
very least, that she would be reasonably
domestic is that you'd learned at the
outset that she was in по way prepared
to handle the responsibilities of a serious
career or, for that matter, even to carry
оп a lucid conversation with a bank
offer after messing up her account.
What both of you will very soon dis
cover is that conducting a relationship
is even more demanding than balancing
a checkbook

Still, it can be very amusing to observe
one of these people, as long as she is
with someone else. The following was
actually overheard on a New York City
elevator. "Please, Bernie, help me. You
know 1 don't know how to work it.”

Ms. S. Glick

And then there is the representative
of the new breed, the woman as obsessed
with getting ahead as any man you
know: she is never without her bulging
briefcase, is constantly popping up from
meals to make vital phone calls, is so
often preoccupied with office politics that
she is seemingly incapable of talking of
anything else. Indeed, in attitude she re
minds you of nothing so much as the
men in the office you most detest, those
cold-eyed bastards who never stop.

But at first her galloping ambition is
stimulating, precisely because she is a
woman. It is likely to be a pleasant
change from the aimlessness of other
women you have known—and. besides.
you get a chance to demonstrate for all
the world how unthreatened you are by
a successful woman

But if she is one of the increasingly
large number of the truly relentless dis
taff division. lots of luck in trying to
make a success of the relationship. The
shooting star you've latched on to will
almost certainly have little time to waste
on you, let alone any leftover emotion
Any liaison with her is by definition
tenuous, and very low on her list of
priorities. When you gaze into her deep
blue eyes, thinking of your future to
gether, she will be gazing back, thinking
about quarterly carnings. Jt will not
take you long to develop a
pathy for all those subur

acute sym.
ın wives of
the cold-cyed bastards who seem to
spend every evening waiting around, re
heating dinner

The bottom line—a term she probably
uses a great deal—is that there is simply
no future in this arrangement. It is not.

cost efficient for her—she would do bet-
ter to slot in a relationship for 45 min-
utes a week, between appointments—
and it is keeping you on an emotional
diet about as nourishing as a three-
martini lunch.

The Perpetual Noncommitter

The stigma of evading enduring
commitment has, of course, long been
attached to men. It is perhaps the accu-
tion with which we have been more
frequently confronted by women than
any other. But, in fact, there are thou-
sands of women out there, and thei
numbers a g. who have pre-
cisely the same tendency.

Usually, as in the case of their male
counterparts, these women will initially
disguise their constitutional aloofness,
may even come on surprisingly strong.
The object is to get you to commit. Only
at that point, their egos satisfied, their
insecurities once again allayed, do they
feel free to retreat.

And often the retreat is as total as it
is unexpected. “I thought things w

wor з out beautifully,” recalls a writer
I know. "We'd spent a glorious weckend.

together at a country inn in Upstate
New York, one of those places with
antlers and flagstone everywhere, and on
the last night, beside the fireplace. over
brandy, I told her t I loved her. For
two weeks after that. she didn't return
my phone calls."

Yes, these people can be absolutely
heart-wrenching. Some of them, in fact,
pride themselves on their ability to
bloodlessly cut things off. “It gives me a
sense of power," confesses one woman T
know, “to look a man in the eye and tell
him, ‘I'm sorry, I just don't love you! I
Kind of sec it as getting even.”

Others, less overtly hostile, will end-
lesly profess that in the abstract, of
course, they are looking for a lasting
relationship: they have simply been
disappointed by every man they've run
The truth, it does not take a
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a Sikh.

A woman of this kind does, however,
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ССА ^ (continued from page 106)
с

“In a trice, my Petticoats and Shift are thrown o'er
my Head, muffling my Protestations of Shock.”

ly as the Barking of Bulldogs. I’
th, the Moment I saw him, I was pre-
раг'4 to forgive, or exp
ious Libels, all the scandalous Stories
Lady Bellars had told me of him.

Beware the Lure of a handsome Face
the all too ready Assumption that th
lovely Façade must needs have lovely
Chambers within; for as "tis with Grea
Houses, so too with Great Men. The
may have grand Porticos aad Loggia
without, but within may be Madness
and Squalor. “Tis said that by the Cock
of the Hat, the Man i
Bellars wore his with the Rafhshn

a Rogue: yet more gentle М
enteen have been betrayed by their own
trusting Hearts than by the artful Wiles

of their Seducers. For, as ‘tis usual at
that Age to suppose that N i
ev'rywhere consistent and N
we presume, in our Innocente, that
beauteous Brow contains a beauteous
Bı à handsome Mouth handsome
Words, and a robust manly Form, robust
manly Deeds. Alas, ‘tis not so.

But 1 was young and I was [ull of all
the wild Impetuosity of Youth; so I
clatter'd at breakneck Speed down the
Great Steps and should have run imme
diately into the Courtyard. to greet our
Visitors, had not a monstrous Villain
upon the second Landing stuck out a
Leg to stop me, and sent me toppling
headlong down the Stair, Before the
World behind my Eyelids went starry
as the Night nd then black as the
G arys Face like a
g with a Smile plaster'd
upon it, mocking me from the second
: and I knew in my Heart, tho’
lacking, that ‘twas she who
had tripp'd me. Beware, e'en more than
the Wiles of Men, the Envy of Women—
for more
tray'd by

their own
How long 1 lay unconscious I cannot
tell, but | awoke to find the whole

Household standing o'er me with great
Concern, and Solicitude, especially Lord
Bellars and Mr. Pope, whose great, kind
Eyes I now could sce, were the all-
knowing Eyes of a Poet.

"Come, gentle Nymph,” says he to me,
extending a Hand which was delicate as
а Maid’s yet cold and pale as Death it-
self. I found myself at once repuls'd and
attracted by his Delicacy, his deathlike
Pallor, his large sensitive Eyes and long
quivering Nose, the Ph
within the

“Madam,

ognomy of Poet.
Carcass of a twisted Dw.

rs, aside to

says Lord Bell

Lady Bellars, “you did not tell me our
little Foundling was growing into such
a Beauty."

And why should I?" says Lady Bel
Jars. "Would you come Home for her
when you would not come Home for
your own Daughter?”

Lord Bellars made a Motion to in
cate that this Remark was beneath Coi
tempt, and, thanking the Poet for hi
Kindness, he also extended a Hand to
me, then swept me at once into his
Arms, and in full View of the entire
Houschold, carried me up the S
nber.

n you imagine the Fire bu
my Cheaks as this Marvel of
scoops me up into his Arms and can
me thus impetuously о

"Thou art growing into a Beauty,"

Lord Bellars says, looking down at me
from, it seems, a great Height. And then
he gallops up the Stair two at a time,
makes Haste for my Bedchamber, where
he throws me down on the Bed roughly
yet playfully, and says, leering like the
Devil himself, “I know of but one sure
Way to revive a fainting Wench.” In a
trice, my Petticoats and Shift are thrown
o'er my Head, muling my Protestations
of Shock and Alarm, and a strong, warm
Hand plays Arpeggios o'er the soft, silky
Moss that but a few Years before hath
begun to spring from the Mount-Pleasant
betwixt my youthful Thighs, as Velvet
silted River-Bank.
s play'd and strove to twine
in the Tendrils of that womanly Vege-
tation, but suddenly he begins 10 in-
uate a Finger into the very Quick
of my Womanhood, inflaming me be-
yond the twin Powers of. Modesty and
Surprize to resist, and causing me to сту
out, “O! O! O!" Whereupon he flips
the Petticoats back to their Proper Place,
surveys my Blushes with Amusement,
caresses my Breasts, those great snowy
Hillocks рр with rosy Nipples (whose
Largeness, faith, hath, ull this Mo-
ment, done nought but embarrass me),
laughs, kisses me upon the Lips and de-
clu “At least my Beauty is still a. Vir-
gin—iho the Impatience I feel in
her willing Young Blood. she will not
be one for long!” Whereupon he makes
haste to withdraw, ing me shocked,
speechless, all but mute with Outrage
vith shameful Pleasure. F
coursd thro’ my Veins, filling me wi
Longing, Disgust and Self loathing.

О, I had heard plenty from the Serv-
ants concerning the Evils of giving Way
to bestial Lust (tho’ from the Servants’

own Behaviour with each other, one
should have thought they were scarce
the Ones to talk!). Yet I knew that the
disorder'd Sensations 1 now felt presaged
my Fall from precious Purity into Ruin
and Disgrace, and I wept at my Shame.
Lord Bellas had not lower'd my Pet-
ticoats an Instant too soon, for in a
very few Moments, Lady Bellars arriv’d
upon the Scene, and Lord Bellars pre-
tended that nothing untoward had hap-
га.
‘The Wench is just rev
with supreme Ennui.
0 І see,” said Lady Bellars haughti-
ly. And then, under her Breath, to Lord
Bellars, "I wonder why you grace us
with your Presence at all, when all you
do here is Mischief.” And then, gently
to me, "Please wear something more
modest to Supper, Fannikins These
Poets are a very hot-blooded Lot. "Twill
not do to stir 'em to a Frenzy." And
with that she sweeps out, following her
Husband.

ing,” says he,

We had a small Family Supper tha
Night, after which Mary was to favour
us with a Concert upon the Harpsichord
(hoping, no doubt, to disguise with the
Beauteousness of Mr. Handel's Musick
the Ugliness of her Form).

The Poet was sitting on my Right,
and i’ faith often allow'd his Eyes to
wander downward toward my Bosom,
which, notwithstanding the Modesty
Piece Lady Bell: had caus'd me to
wear, was still quite visible. "Pray, Si
I askt, "describe your Grotto for us, for
Lord Bellars hath told us 'tis one of the
Wonders of the World."

“It gives me great Joy," says the Bard,
"to describe my Grotto to a Young Lady
surpassing Beauty; for Harmony
Nature, and what greater Har-
mony could there be than to describe
one beauteous Marvel of Nature for the
Ears of another

1 blush'd crimson at this gallant Com-
pliment whilst Mary glowerd at me
across the Table and Lord Bellars
glowd with Pride (or perhaps 'twas
nd Lady Bellars toy’d idly with
e Grape.

"My Dear," he continued, “'tis the
very Mave of Fancy, a subterranean
Chamber, craggy and mysterious as if
Nature herself had made it, finish'd with
Shells interspers'd. with Pieces of Look-
ing Glass in angular Forms. Connected
to this Grotto by a narrower Passage are
two Porches with Niches and Seats—one
facing toward the Thames, made ingen-
iously of smooth Stones, and the other
rough with Shells, Flints and Iron Ore,
1 the Cave of the Muses itself. It
wants no Thing to compleat it, my de
Fanny, but a Statue of you, in the Garb
of a Nymph—or perhaps, if my Eyes do
not deceive me about your Natural Bi
ty, in no Garb at all!”

At this, 1 blush'd still more Iuriously

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crimson, and Lord Bellars laugh'ü up-

т, you mock me,” I protested.

"Marry come up, Fanny, I have never
been more serious in my Life.

But tell me more of the Grotto,” T
said, wishing desperately to move on to
less indiscreet Subjects (for little did I
suspect in my Innocent Youth that Mr.
Pope's Grotto was perhaps a sort of
warm Womb to him, who had such Dif-
ficulty persuading Ladies to share his
lonely Bed).

“There is little more to say," said the
Poet. “You must see it with your own
Eyes, as Lord Bellars hath done. You
will think my Description is poetical,
but "tis nearer the Truth than you would
suppose. Moreo'er, I plan to expand the
опо. entually, there shall be a
nio and numerous conceal’d Foun-
s whence Cataracts of Water shall
precipitate above your Head, from im-
pending Stones and. Rocks, whilst salient
Spouts rise in rapid Streams at your Feet.
Water shall break amongst Heaps of
Flints and Spar. Thus Nature and Art
will join to the mutual Advantage of
both.

I was silenced once again by the Beau
Description, for when Mr. Pope
one forgot his twisted his
thinning Hair, the general Fustiness of
his Person (for he was too twisted to
r dress without Assistance), and
saw, in place of his Form, the Beau-
ties of the Things he describ'd. I resolv'd
to find Mr. Pope privily after Supper
and d arse more with him.

"The Ladies (Lady Bellars, Mary
тузе) then withdrew, leaving the G
tlemen to piss and drink, Chamber-potts
and Boules for the Purposes being pro-
duced from the Sideboard. "Twas the
Custom of that Time for the Gentlemen
to relieve themselves in the Dining
Room, whilst the Ladies retir'd to the
House of Easement or their own Cham-
bers.

Upon this Occasion, when Lady Bel-
lars had withdrawn to her Chamber,
Mary grabb'd me rudely and propos'd
that we two attempt to view the Gentle-
men's Diversions thro' the Dining Room
Keyhole.

For 1 am sure,” says Mary, “that just
as his Back is deform'd, so his Masculine
Appendage must be similarly gothick
and strange.” Whereupon she lets out a
devilish Cackle, and goads me with:
"Come, Fanny, are you such a Coward
you will not?” Whereupon she claps her
Eye to the Keyhole, and glues it there,
whilst 1 struggle betwixt Curiosity and
Disgust.

“Oooh,” says she, “what a prodigious
Engine he hath, despite his small Stat-
ure,” and then she falls silent for
Moment, staring thro’ the Keyhole v
rapt Auention, and then she
Noises of Mock Alarm and Surprize (act-

ing more like a Chambermaid than a
Lady—except that a Chambermaid might
have i faith had more Pretensions to
the Graces than she)

“Come,” she ve a Look. You
will scarce believe your Eyes.

Reluctantly, foolishly, and with fecl-
ings of Dread and Foreboding, I knelt
and clapt my Eye to the Hole.

My Step-Farher, Lord Bellars, was bet-
ting with the Poet about who could
most closely hir a Grape thrown into
the Pisspott, whilst poor, corpulent Dan
iel lookt on, with Awe and Admiration
for his Father's manly Gifts. As for their
Masculine Engines, “twas hard to tell
beneath their long Coats, but Mr. Pope's
seem'd a tiny piddling Thing. not de

form'd, but toylike, whilst Lord Bellars

was most mightily well equippd. But
"was the Gaming I wonder'd at, more
than the Anatomy. I had ше Experi-
ence then of confirm'd Gamblers, tho"
today. I know they will lay Wagers upon
any Thing—from twin Raindrops cours-
= down a Window Pane to fine Ara
bian Mares. Lord Bellars was surely
one of those, and it astound'd me that the
Great Poet, who jus Moments before

nd Art, should
pissing

had discours'd of Nature
now be taking great Delight i
at a Grape in a Chamber-pott!
“Pray, what are you doing?” came a
stern Voice behind me. "Twas Lady
Bellars, suddenly return'd to pry out our
Mischief.

I rose and.

1 her, blushing houy.
anny forced me 10,” says Mary, un-
bidden. “Fanny forced me. I w
frighten'd. I c'en «оа my Eyes and
refus'd to look. I swear it. 1 swear it
upon a Bible
"Hush," sa
truc?”
“Madam,” says I, “I cannot plead my
own Case. As you saw me with my Eye
to the Keyhole, so I was. My Sin was
Curiosity, nothing more. But 1 swear I
did not force Mary's Hand."
"Yes, she did! She did!" says Mary.
“Go to your Chambers, both of you,”
s Lady Bellars. “I will get the Truth
of this l
Лабат, I am deeply asham'd," I
said. “I beg you to accept my Apology.
“Go,” says Lady Bellars, “both of
you, go.

id I

dy Bellars. "Fanny, is

Banish'd to my Chamber, I ponder'd
my Plight, Owing to my foolish Curio:
ity, I had lost the Opportunity to di
course with Mr. Pope upon Subjects
dearer to my Heart than the Sizes of
Masculine Machines. It hath since been
my Experience, that only F
themselves thus with relative Anatomies
"Tis true there are vast Differences be-
twixt Men in regard to their Am'rous
Equipage (which is why Men always
wish to be reasurd to the Contrary),
but only Simpletons and Dullards dwell

nls concern

upon Differences in Size to the Exclu-
sion of other Qualities

Some Men have stiff staring Trun-
ons, red topp'd, rooted into Thickets
of Curls which resemble the jungl'd
Shores of the Indies; some have pitiful
crooked Members, pale and white as un-
bak'd Bread; some Men have strange
brownish Mushrooms upon crooked
Stalks; and some hav y pinkish
Things. more like budding Roses than
Pricks. Also, no Thing in this weary
World hath as many divers Names as
that commonplace Organ; and you will
lind that the Name by which a Man
calls his own hath much to do with how
he regards himself.
he call it a Battering piece?
Well, then, he will probably lie with
you that Way. Doth he call it a Bauble?
He is probably vain of his Wigs and
s as well. Doth he call it a
Dirk? He is surely a Scotsman, and
gloomy ‘neath his drunken Bravado.
Doth he call it a Flip-Flap? Well, then,
be advisd: You will have to work very
hard to make it stand (and once stand-
ing, ‘twill wish for no Thing but to lie
down again) Doth he call it a Lance-
of-Love? Doubtless, he writes dreadful
Verses, too. Nor is a Man's Estimation
of his own Privy Member necessarily
infallible. The Politician who boasts of
his Member-for-Cockshire, the Butcher
s his Skewer, the Poet who
prates of his Picklock, the Actor who loves
his Lollipop, the Footman who bo
of his Ramrod, the Parson who praises
his Pillicock, the Orator who apotheo-
sizes his Adanr's-Arsenal, the Sea Captain
who adores his own Rudder—none of
these Men, howsoe'er lively their Mental
Parts, is to be trusted upon his own
Estimation ol his Prowess in the Arts
(and Wars) of Love!

But, as I was saying, no one but a
Blockhead dwells upon Anatomy to the
Exclusion of other Qualities. The Soul
is far more Important than the Body
in ev'ry Respect and c'en a Man of
Pleasure (if he is also a Man of Parts)
understands thi

Only a Rake cares more for his Privy
Member than his Soul, and a Rake, you
will find ‘ere long. is the dullest Sort
of Man. Because he is so devoted to his
Masculine Organ, he can think of no
Phing but finding divers Whores to grat-
ify his Lust for Novelty. He thinks he
will find a Woman with a newer, pret-
tier Way of wiggling her Hips, a Whore
who knows three score and n thick
Love Positions, Tricks with Handker-
chiefs, Oils and Salves of the Orient,
Bijoux Indiscrets (as the French call
'em). or Ivory Toys and Gewgaws from
China which are carv'd to resemble Ele-
phant Organs or other Absurdities of
that Stay from such Men.
There is no Pleasure to be found in
their Company, no Wisdom in their

sort. away

Conversation, no Generosity toward
their Mistresses. and before long they
will surely give you Pox into the Ba
gain. A dissolute Footman, a Dancing
Master with an Excess of Hubris, a
Porter with Delusions of Grandeur
makes a better Rake than a Man of
Parts and Breeding, because he hath no
Education to cause him a Moment's
Hesitation in his loathsome, ignoble
and degrading Vices; if you let а Rake
into your Bed, you will i' faith often
find a Footman in the cast-off Clothes
of his Lord.

But to continue with my Tale, I
abed consid'ring how my foolish Cu

my rare Opportunity to discourse with
a True Poet upon the Habits and Hal
tations of the Muses, when suddenly the
Door sprang open. and who should
enter but Mr. Pope himself!

“O Sir," I said, "you were just at this
very Moment in my Thought:

"And so were you in mine," says the
Poet, coming toward me with a goatish
Smile upon his Lips.

“I was just this Moment wond:
I said, the Blood flying up into my
Neck and Breasts, "if I might pose you
a few Queries concerning the Art of
Poes

“Pose all you like, my Dear,
loping o'er to the B ds
self upon the Edge of it, whence his
tiny twiglike Legs dangl'd like broken
Branches in the Wind, after a Storm.

"Well, then," said I, so engross'd in
my Thoughts of the Muses that I scarce
thought to enquire what he was doing
n my Chamber, “is it vain for a Wom
an to wish to be a Poet, or een to be
the first Female Laureate some Day?

Whereupon he broke into а Gale of
d Laughter, which made me blush
presum'd Foolishness.
nny, my Dear, the Answer is im-

n the Query itself. Men are Poet

says he,
ing him-

upon Earth. You are the Inspiration of
the Poems, not the Creator of Poems,
and why should you wish it otherwise?”
I confess I was dumbfounded by the
п which he posd his Query
Point. T had my own
tentative first Verses secreted. directly
"neath the Pillow of the Bed, but I w:
far too abash'd at that Moment to d
"em out and ask his Opinion. I
with each Word he utter’d, I was con
ing. increasingly, to disdain those Verses,
which only a Moments before had
seem'd touch'd with the Fire of the
Muses.
Sce these fine twin Globes?” said the
Poet, suddenly reaching into my Bod-
dice and disengaging my Breasts. 1
gasp'd with Shock but дага not inter-
rupt the Poet's flow of beauteous Words:
“See these roseate Nipples, the Colour
of Summer Dawn? Why, they are like

Unbelievably durable,
incredibly comfortable,
appropriately expensive.
The Tretorn Leather Tennis Shoe,
in men's and women's sizes.

TRETORN”

few

205

PLAYBOY

the twin Planets of an undiscover'd Cos-
mos," says he, "and these Lips . . .” (he
made bold to glue his cold, clammy Lips
to one Nipple) “are like unto the Ex-
plorer who comes to set his Standard
upon their Shores. . . .”

Alarm'd as I was, I could not think
of how to interrupt him without
sulting an honour'd Guest, and as he
suckt upon one Nipple and then the
other. firing my Blood and putting all
my Thoughts into der, my Resolve
grew e’er more befuddl'd. For tho’ I
found his Person loathsome, his Words
were fine and elegant, and despite what
he argu'd about the F Sex and the
Art of Poesy, I was e'er more conquer'd
by fine Language than by finc Looks.

"But, Sir," I protested, moving, albeit.
ly. out of his grasp. "is not
Inspiration a Thing which hath no
Gender, is neither Male nor Female, as
Angels are neither Male nor Female?"

"In Theory, that is correct," said the
Poct, reaching under my Shift and in-

my dampening Thighs, “but in
Inspiration more frequently v
of the Male Sex, and for this following
Reason, mark you well. As the Muse is
Female, so the Muse is more likely to
receive Male Lovers than Female Ones.
Therefore, a Woman Poct
ity of Nature, а vile, desp гемиге
whose Fate must є'сг be Loneliness, Mel-
ancholy, Despair, and eventually Self-
slaughter. Howe'er, if she chooses the
sensible Path, and devotes her whole
Life to serving a Poet of the Masculine
Gender, the Gods shall bless her, and
all the Universe resound with her Praise.
‘Tis all Part of Nature's Great Plan. As
Angels are above Men and God is above
Angels, so Women are below Men and
above Children and Dogs; but if Wom-
en seek to upset that Great Order by
usurping Men in their proper Position
of Superiority, both in the Arts and the
Sciences, as well as Politicks, Society,
and Marriage, they reap no Thing but

“But the tooth is dead, Mrs. Croy. You felt
pressure, which you mistook for pain.”

Chaos and Anarchy, and i’ faith the
whole World tumbles to its Ruin.”

So g, he had managed to
a Finger upward into that tender Virgin-
al Opening, which had been unat-
tempted till that very Day (when ‘twas
visited first by a Finger beloni to
Lord Bell n by one belonging
еШ), and by wiggling and
nd at the same time in-
termittently sucking, with renew'd De-
termination, upon one Nipple and then

to the Poet hi

ing of God's Gr
Laws of ?
"But I said, above the growing
Pounding of my Blood in my Fars,
like Waves upon the Shores, "cannot
this Plan be alter'd? not a great
Female Poet rise up who will give the
Lye to these immutable Theories?”
“No.” said the Poet, thousand
times NO. For whate'er exists in Nature
is but an Expression of God's Will, and
if He hath placed Women below Men,
you can be sure ‘tis for a Noble Purpose.
In short, whate'er is, IS RIGHT."
Whereupon he loosen'd Breeches.
fumbl'd ‘neath his Waistcoat and curi-
ous Doublet for his tiny pink Mem
threw my Petticoats above my Head, and
made ready to assault my Maidenhead,
with the very Weapon made for the
Purpose. But my Guardian Angel must
have been attending me at t
my tender Virgin
: ess brought on
the Ultimate Period of his Hot Fit of
Lust, of which my firm young Thighs
nd clean Petticoats receiv'd the egre-
gious Effusion
“О, ohhh,” he groan'd, part in Relief,
And he buried
ad betwixt my Breasts, where his
Eyes let fall a few hot Tears of Distress.

“О my Fanny, you are all the In-
spiration I shall e'er wish. Come away
with me to Twickenham. You shall be

Mistress of my House and my Heart,
Queen of the Muses, first among Wom-
en. 1 shall dress you in Sattens and
gold Lace, cover you with Jewels, adorn

you as I adorn my Grotto.
“O Si J, “I cannot leave the
tender Parents who have taken me in

id rais'd me to Womanhood. Lady Bel-
lars would be heartbroken. Please.
do not tempt me so." But his offer put
me suddenly in Mind of a Plan for leav-
g Lymeworth and making my Way to
London. Consequently, I did not tell
the Poet wl I thought of his miserable
Form and his loathsome Avowals of Pas-
sion. I wip'd the sticky Substance from
my Thighs with ne Cambrick Hand-
kerchief and begg'd my Admirer to take
Leave of me so that I might consider his
Proposal till the Morrow.
E

By the Time the Poet took Leave of

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for I could hear the large House Clock,
which we had standing upon the Back-
stairs Head, ring its cleven Bells shortly
after his Departure. Nor did he leave
without putting almost a Handful of
Gold into my trembling Hand and mak-
ing a thousand Protestations of his
Passion for me.

How can I convey to you my Perpl
ity about the Spectacle of Masculine
Lust 1 had just witness'd? At Seventei
I was a Virgin, and my Knowledge of
Venus’ Hot Fires was slight, indeed.

1 had witnessd Sw

PLAYBOY

in the Dairy (whence they were doubt-
m), but to think so
great à Bard as Mr. Pope should have
such low and bestial Procl
puzzling, puzzling in the extr
"Thus was I reflecting wh

n once
me a Knock upon the Door of

and without waiting
to be invited, who should appear, but
my Step-Brother Daniel himself, drunk
with Port and slobb'ring into his Shirt
Front like an elderly Spaniel. (I could
not but note with Amusement and Dis
dain that he had unbutton'd his Waist
coat most rakishly to show the copious
Ruffles of his fine Holland linen Shirt,
which he presum'd would ha
killing effect upon the Fair Ses

х Shame you miss'd the Party,
Vannikin, my Lamb,” says he, advancing
toward the Bed, and looking Goats and
Monkies at me. “We scarce miss'd Mary's
Concert at all—so merry were we with
Drink and Conversation

“Pray, who bid you enter?" I demand-
ed, leaping up from the Bed, so to
better defend my Person from his in-
tended Assaults.

“Oho!” says Daniel drunkenly, pick-
ing at his Pustules with one Hand, “do
you not wish for my Company?”

"Certainly not," say I. "When I wish
for the Company of a drunken Lout, I
shall find a pretticr one than you at the
Bear & Dragon." (The Bi & Dragon,
as you may guess, was our local Village
Tavern, and a dirtier, more scurvy Hole,
fill'd with more drunken Country Hob-
nails could not be found in all of
England.)

“Oho! Do you insult me then?" says
Daniel, turning red behind all his Pim-
ples and Pock-Marks.

"Call it what you wi

L" T said haugh-

tily, "so long as you quit this Place at
once."
“Oho!” says Daniel, “I will not suffer

gladly such Insults to my Person and my
Parts," and he makes bold to approach
me and breathe his pestilential Breath.

full into my Face (as if "would fell me
qu c a Dragon's Breath of Fire!).
Whereupon, without further. Ceremony
able, he flings his Arms about

my Neck, plants his loathsome Kisses
upon my Bosom, and attempts to Jay
me down upon the Bed again and to
unlock my Thighs. In a trice, I gather
1 my Force against his tott’ring Drunk-
enness, heave myself up with the Puis-
sance which the Goddess of Anger alone
makes possible, and k, with one
pointed Satten Slipper, straight into his
Breech.

“O Jesus, 1 am КА!" he shouts. “O
my poor Pillicock, my poor Peewee!”
And he reels backward, holding his
Hands to his Breech, and then falls o'er
the Washstand, landing i
and Clatter, wi
ter'd in Pieces round him.
say I, standing o'er him
g my Advan
ior Goddess herself, “

“O cruel Fann slobbers Daniel,
"cruel, cruel Fanny. Dost thou not know
1 love the

“Go make Love to Mrs. Betty the
mbermaid, who is already Great with
Child by thee. Or Mrs. Polly the Milk-
aid, who soon will be! I have no use
for a brawling drunken Lout who is
my own Step-Brother to boot.”

“But not Blood-Brother, Fanny. Come,
what's the Harm in it?”

"The Harm is the next Kick I shall
give thee, which shall finish thy Am'rous
Tricks foreermore!” said I, savouring

my Rage.
“O please,” he whimper'd, "please,
please,” and he commenced to crawl

upon his Belly like a Snake toward the
Door of my Chamber, whimp’ nd
mewling and slobb'ring, until, having

reach'd the Doorjamb, he rais'd himself
by the brass Door Pull and, with a re-
proachful, simp'ring backward Glance,
let himself out of the Chamber. Een as
he departed, one idle Hand ріпак a

Pustule upon his Cheak. (If such a Com-

plexion was the Result of Lust, ‘twas
well indeed I scotch'd it in myself!)

He had scarce been gone ten
utes when once again the Door open'd
and Lord Bellars enter'd my Virgin
Chamber.

My Thoughts were in such a great
Turmoil from the divers Events of the
Ev'ning, and my Body so weary from my
оп» 'gainst Danicl, that I could do
€ than sigh when Lord Bellars
g o'er my Bed, and
me with those fine

по ш
сате to те, tow
looking down at
sparkling brown Eyes.

You are so beautiful, my Fanny," he
1. "АП this Night I have thought of
no Thing but your Beauty.”

“Pray, do not flatter me, Milord. It
makes me blush."

And ‘twas true, the Blood came as
readily to my Face as Moths to a Candle
me on a hot Summer Night. As thei
Wings quiver and flutter, so I trembl'd
‘neath Lord Bellars' Gaze. My Hands
grew cold, my Cheaks hot; the Blood
drain’d, it seem’d, from my Feet and

Hands, and sped up into my patched and
painted Che
ay. Do not forbid
I can possess you onl
will speak, despite your Alarms. You are
so inimitably fair and lovely. Your
Limbs are fine-turn'd and your

o'er with Liquid Amber. Your Breasts
are whiter than Alpine Snow and your
Hair flames like a thousand Autumns
past, and a thousand Autumns yet to
come. You are like a Daughter to me
and yet, do I dare dream an Intimacy

ne Speech, for if
with Words, I

betwixt us c'en greater than that of
filial Duty and an Orphan's Gratitud
He dasp'd me in his strong Arms,

and I almost fainted away like onc
drugg d.

"Oh. no, Milord, pray, please re
Consider me, 1 beg you. for I à Crea-
ture who hath no Protection but you,
no Defense but your Honour. I conjure
you not to make me abhor myself!—not
to make me vile in my own Eyes!”

He then fell to his Knees at the Edge
of the Bed and exclaim'd, "I make an
Oath at your Feet, to possess you or
y upon he removes the tiny
pointed Satten Slipper from my right
Foot and presses his Lips to the Sole
of my Foot.
beseech you, Milord . . ." 1 stam-
тега. For, had he kissd my Breasts
directly, ‘twould have provok'd less Rap-
ture than when he thus abas'd himself
to kiss my Foot. How unworthy was that
coarse Foot against his fine Lips!

* 1 protested.

My Angel" he sigh'd. now flinging
the other Slipper and kissing the
Sole.
cam, my Coarseness upon
Occasion, for until Dinne
know what a fine deli
had become, despite your lusty B
О, for my Presumption, a thousand Par-
dons! But after hearing you discourse
| Mr. Pope upon his Grotto, upon
ature and Art, I knew I had treated
you most scurvily. And for that I would
ive this Sword . . .” (and here
he drew it and it twinkl'd evilly in the
dim Candlelight) ". . . into my Breast
than have you loathe me for a vile Vil-
lain, a Common Rake, which surely is
your Right, consid'ring what hath u
spir'd before Suppe:

O what Confusion ri
Breast! First the Poet, then
then Lord Bellars! Daniel I knew for a
Fool and Knave; the Poet seem'd a piti-
able Creature, desiring to be above
Women because he could ne'er stand
equal with Men—but Lord Bellars?-
how was I to judge Lord Bellars? Here
was a Passion declar'd in Words so
tender that one could scarce doubt its
Sincerity. (O Lust I knew to be a low
Emotion, but Love was all the Poets’
highest Good!)

The Sword Tip hung pois'd o'er his

ture you

soon

manly Bosom. He tore off his Neck-
p'd open his embroider'd Sat-
aistcoat and laid bare his
as if to pierce that snowy
1 the red Poppies of his Blood
Пожега upon it

“Well, then, come Death!" he ex-
«ай. and with his left Hand tore
open the Linen to reveal a fine, reddish
Fur. twining here and there into sweet
Ringlets. and two boyish Paps of rosy
pink ‘round which the same reddish
Hair did spring.

"Hold!" I cried. "How should | e'er
forgive myself if I were to be the Cause
of your Death.”

“I would rather dye than dishonour
you," he said, “but my Love is such that
] must do violence to one of u
nnot be the
which I
патем Infancy, I must dye my-
а павіс but necessary
Choyce! Adieu, sweet Maid! Think of
me tenderly, if you think of me at all.”
And, so saying. he drove the Sword
Point into his Chest, whereupon I fell
to my Knees on the Floor, besceching
him to retrain, to hold, to stop.

He dropp'd the Sword, fell to the
or and smotherd me with Kisses.
The flowing Blood from his Wound
(a surface Wound. I later discover'd)
майга my Breass and Gown with its
Stickiness. I smell'd the salty Odor

Blood as he enfold'd me, kiss’d
me first on the Mouth, then betwixt the
Breasts, then betwixt the Legs, where
his Tongue thrust upward into my Vir-
ginal Opening. making the way slick for | I you'd like to know more about our water, ot the old-time way ve make Jack Daniel's, drop us a line.

the stronger Thrusts to follow. Е f
If 1 bled a little offring my Maiden: | OF THE 2,531 CAVES in Tennessee, this one

head, it seem'd as nothing compar'd to | . s; E 5

ihe Blood he had sacrificed lor me. r | in Moore County is particularly prized.

h, who could tell where his Blood

ended and mine began? Enmesh'd.

twin’d in mutual Stickiness and Sweet

It's fed, you see, by an underground, iron-
ess. we la gether dyi: f Love. The н, s. o
Us RENE E free spring flowing at 56? year round. Mr.
Later, when I was eicit 1 vould | Jack Daniel, a native of these parts, laid claim

learn to dissect and analyze the Act of

Love, to pronounce upon the Tedi | tj the cave in 1866. And from that year

ques of my Lovers, and to judge them

the of Love, because, perhaps. forward, its water has been

is lacking. But upon that

ion, my Heart no less than my | used to make Jack Daniel's

Maidenhead was taken, and I could no

ge than 1 could resist. It he | Whiskey. Of course, chere CHARCOAL
had askt me to pierce my own Bi Н MELLOWED
as he had pierced his, 1 would cer are hundreds of caves just as
have obliged him willingly. Aft к б
he fell to kissing my Feet, this | lovely. But after a sip of OD
ide of Prayerfulness. s
Fy Penal Lave? he si Jack Daniel's, you'll know
"I swear by Ve . by Jove, by Jesus > А
inset that I hive nee ovd before | Why this one is valued BY DROP
as I love now." And 1 felt for an Instant .
all the Fulfillment of my girlish | SO highly.
ams had come true, that I was the
DEED SE апыр Tennessee Whiskey * 90 Proof = Distilled and Bottled by Jack Daniel Distillery,

ht I had gone from Girlhood

g
to Womanhood, had livd a thousand Lem Motlow, Prop. Inc., Route 1, Lynchburg (Pop. 361). Tennessee 37352

Placed in the National Register of Historic Places by the United States Government.

PLAYBOY

210

Lives, had felt my Soul incarnate in the
Body of Cleopatra, of Desdemona, of
Portia, of Eloisa, of Juliet. In me were
all the Great Heroines of Romance
join'd and combin'd. In me did Juliet
mingle with Eloisa, did Portia lend her
Strength to the melting Tenderness of
Desdemona; in me was there c'en some-
thing of 1 -ready to dye for
down а mossy
Stream ‘neath а Weeping Willow Tree,
whilst drowning Flow’rs dangld in my

Alas! Wh foolish Visions strut
thro’ the He Maid of Seventeen!
Lord Bellars took his Leave and 1 slept
the Sleep of the Innocent, the Sleep of
the Lamb who doth not yet know that
God hath also created Lions, who doth
not further guess that God hath created
him King of the Beasts, in that teaming
Jungle which we call the World.
.
waken'd at Five o'

the Clock to

ight as their Song. I wanted to throw
my Cloak about me and run barefoot
nto the dewy Grass of the Park, skip-
ping along the Velvet Lawns, like a
paniel Pup. bending down to kiss the
Grass, looking up to thank God for the
new Day, for my Lover. for my Lile.

In short, I was light with Love, skit-
tsh and sleepless, full of puppyish En-
thusiasm. I dress'd in haste, splasht my
Face with the cold Water in the Basin,
and ran downstairs to greet the Day
before the World was up.

The Housekeeper. Mrs. Locke, smil'd
at me, yet not without a Query in her
Eyes, but [ was too taken with my own
Am'rousness to answer th intended
Query or c'en rightly to apprehend it.

What happen'd next, it p
ireamly to report, tho’ а Qu
Century hath pass'd since that T

I wander'd, distracted with Love, into
the Library, where I meant to seek out
a Love Poem, when, in all Idleness and
Innocence, I pass’d his Escritoire, and
spied upon it an unfinish’d Letter in
his own Hand.

As the Mother Cat cannot neglect her
but must always be carrying 'em
nher.

Kitten:
from one shady Spot to
Lover cannot avoid e
Thing belonging to her Belovèd—c'en
ely come to Grief thereby.

I pausd, and read the Letter. 1 re-
member e'en the Date as if it had been
branded on my Brain with a hot Iron.
At first Glance, it seem’d intended for

so the

if she will s

Lymeworth

June 219, 1724
thou dearest,
Angel, my

Adorable Creature,
best of Women, my
Queen, my Rule

As 1 am your devoted Slave, and
as you have commanded me to re-
port to you all my most uilling

Dalliances—as you, I trust, report

hath transpir'd here this Ev'ning
betwixt myself and my enchanting
itep-Daughter, Fanny, the Orphan
Girl of whom I have spoken, who
lives here at. Lymeworth thro’ the
Kindness and. Magnanimity of my
gen'rous Heart.

І know your Zeal, your ardent
Fervour for Conquest, and I fear
you will protest that to seduce a
Young Girl. who hath seen no
Thing of the World, who is de-
liver'd into my Hands as a Lamb to
a Lion, and whom a kind and
flatring Epithet would not fail to
intoxicate, is no Triumph at all,
and not een worth reporting as a
Victory Jam, wrong.
This Wail is no Serving-Maid, no
mean Harlot, but a Devotée of the
Muses, well-read in Poewy and
Philosophy. Why, een as I watch'd
thro’ the Keyhole of her Closet, she
repell'd the Advances of no less a
Personage than the Poet, Mr. Alex-
ander Pope, as well as the Advances
of my scurvy Son, Daniel (which,
lmittedly, is no very Great Thing,
because the Lad hath no more
Charm than a Country Hobnail).
But mark you, she a
‚ despite her lowly Birth, for by
nd Application. she hath
cquir'd more С y
Children, and tho’ naturally hot-
blooded, she is also full of Morality
as you will remember, is one
Traits we enumer-

of the
ated when we made up our little
Rules for the Sport of amusing cach

Other, cach with the Other's
Dalliances).

I faith, she possesses all
Requisites: Beauty. Morality
sion. and she possesses ‘em

abundance.

tegy I adopted, what Camp
and what Mane n short, by
what Means I arriv'd at my Victory,
and the total Subjugation of my
Prey. I decided upon a Combina
tion of Iwo Strategies: first, the
ncar-Ravishment. (which heated her
Blood and disorder'd her Senses),
then our oftdiscussd Strategy of

Terror and. Astonishment, in which
and let

I threaten’d Seli-Slaughte
her be my Sweet Saviour, my Mi
ist'ring Angel. It workt bener than
J might have hopd! On other
Occasions, many Days, c'en Weeks,
have been requir’d for Compl
Victor the entire Conque:
took only Minutes!

1 enter'd her Room, prais'd

uty in Terms borrow'd from the

threaten'd to dye for Love unless
she save me, actually drew my own
Blood, and was rcscu'd from the
Brink of the Void by the Angel’
own Maidenhead. What Capital
Sport! Madam, had you yourself
been watching thro’ a Peephole (as
upon that previous Occasion which
sure you well remember), you
would have commended me most
highly. Yes, Friend, she is mine, en-
tirely mine; after Tonight she hath
nothing left to grant me.

Lam still too full of my Triumph
to be able to fairly appreciate it.
But I promise you. it shall go down
our little Book of Amours as one
of our most enchanting Ev'nings of
Sport. Cupid himself prepares a
Crown for me

I hope you are well, Madam, and
that your Silence does not portend
a Continuation of that Ague you
reported in your last Letter. F
faith...

nore. My Eyes
s and my

I could read no
brimm'd with salty Tea
Heart ach'd with Humiliation so gr
that Death alone could ease it. I ran
into the wall'd Garden. where I wisht to
dash my Brains out at the Feet of Venus.
and would, no doubt, have done so. had
not Cowardice, a base Fear of doing
myself bodily Injury. interven'd. The
cruclest Phrases from that wicked Letter
rang thro’ my Brain. like Church Bells
resounding in a Belfry
apital Sport!”—I heard Lord Bel-
lars’ own mocking Voice say those de-

tested Words. bjugation of my
Prey!" "A Combination of two Strate-
gies!” “Terms borrow'd from the Play-
house!" Was it not enough that I was

ruin’d, that my first, fine Belief in the
Pow'r of Love had been betray'd? But
must I also be held up to Ridicule in the
Eyes of Lord Bellars’ London Mistress—
no doubt a Woman of Fashion to whom
my Ruin was a mere Toy to pass away
an Afternoon lewd Playlet, a sort of
Alterpiece, to heat the Blood of Jaded
Lovers?

O, ne'er was a Wench so wretched as
myself! How should I survive this Hu-
miliation? 1 could not face Lord Bellars
or my Foster Mother again. I could not
sit at Table across from the Poet, Lady
Bellars, Mary, Daniel and the villainous
Lord Bellars himself without. showing
my Distress. What could I do but flee?

Fortunately, I had the Guineas the
Poet had press'd upon me, and 1 had, be-
sides, some good Clothes and Jewels 0
might be рами, a Silver Snull-Box, a
Gold Watch and sev
Iran back to my Chamber to gather
II my worldly Possessions (including my
tentative first Verses) and to plan my
Flight from Lymeworth.

I was consid'ring how I might escape

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PLAYBOY

212

Lights Up Your Life

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to London, without falling Prey to High-
waymen and Robbers, when I recall'd
the Custom of certain famous Actresses
in London of dressing up in Men's
Clothes to play “Breeches Parts," and I
form'd the Idea of stealing Daniel's Rid-
ing Clothes and Riding Wig and making
my Way to London en homme. Fortu-
nately, I was an excellent Horsewoman,
but whether I should be able to fetch
my own chestnut Arabian Stallion, Lus-
tre, without incurring Suspicion from
the Groom and the Stable Boys, I did not
know, and whether I should be able to
reach London unharm'd was also doubt-
ful. But what other Choyce did I have?
I dried my Tears and set about prepar-
ing for my Journey.
б

Daniel slept like а Pig, or, still worse,
like an old Country Squire, wheezing,
sputtering and farting. For all his Pre-
tensions to the Manners of a Man of
Pleasure whilst awake, asleep ‘twas clear
he was more to be pitied than fcar'd.

"Twas not much Trouble to take what
I wanted without awak'ning him. I
snatch'd a fine black Riding Wig that
must have cost a Pocketful of Shillings,
and took as well a Pair of Jack Boots,
brown Leather Riding Breeches, Stock-
ings, a fine Silver-Hilted Sword, a grcen
Redingote, clean Linen, a Cravat, a
black Beaver Hat, and a heavy scarlet
Cloak against the R;

I was too full of Fear about awak'ning
Daniel to wonder about the Fit of these
Clothes or what Sort of Figure I should
cut as a Beau. E'en as I left his Cham-
ber, Daniel heav'd and mutter'd, “Fanny,
Fannikins, Fan . and for a Moment
I feard I was lost. But ‘twas only a
Dream; the scurvy Fellow would pollute
me in Sleep e'en as he would awake.

I hasten'd to my Chamber to attire
myself properly in these stolen Clothes
before setting out.

O I cut a fine Figure as a Boy! My
long Hair bound up dose to my Skull
with Ribbands and Pins (so as to remain
hidden under my Riding Wig), my Face
bare of Paint or Patch, my Breasts hid-
den 'neath Coat and Cloak, my Hat
tilted rakishly forward to shadow my
Face, my Jack Boots and Sword giving
me the Assurance of a Bcau.

I stood before the Glass and practised
talking like а Man.

"Stand and deliver!" I fancied a Gen-
tleman of the Road demanding.

"Damme if yer not a Rascal and a
Knave!” I replied in a deep Voice.

But 'twas no good; I still sounded
like a Girl.

"Sir, yer a Rascal and a Knave!" I
said in a deeper Voice. "Twas better, if
only by an Ounce.

Well, then, again.

“Damme if yer not a Son of a Whore!”
I said with still greater Assurance and
(what I hop'd was) a fine manly Tenor.

"Twas fair enough, tho’ not perfect. I
should ne'er sing Bass, but perhaps I
might pass as a Castrato!

I then composed a farewell Letter to
Lady Bellars, knowing as I did the Grief
it could not but communicate to her.

I fasten'd the Letter to my Pillow with
a Pin, snatch'd my Poems and secreted
them about my Person, bid Farewell to
my belovéd Chamber, and crept down to
the Stables.

The Clock struck Eight as I let myself
quietly down the Back Stair, and thence
thro’ a Secret Passage which led to the
Library. I thanked my Guardian Angel
that Mrs. Locke and the other Servants
were below in the Kitchen preparing
Breakfast, and I took one last Look at
the detested Letter as I cross'd the Li-
brary to reach the Double Doors that
led into the Park.

Iran across the Velvet Lawns to the
Stables, my small Feet slipping within
the large Boots, my Heels sinking into
the wet Earth.

The Fates surely must have approv'd
my Journey. for they arranged it that
the Groom and the Stable Boys were off
in the Meadows exercising two prize
Arabian Stallions which Lord Bellars
wisht to race at Newmarket the follow-
ing Year, and I was able to saddle my
own dear Horse, Lustre, and make my
Escape without anyone being the Wiser.

•

What heavenly Bliss to gallop across
the English Meadows upon a June Morn-
ing, talking to one’s Horse! What a per-
fect Cure for the Vapours! Ne'er did I
mount Lustre without Exhilaration, and
ne'er did I gallop upon his Back, the
Wind at my Ears, without a Sense of
Freedom so compleat it banish’d all
Melancholia. Yet, as 1 remember'd this
was no ordinary Morning Gallop, but
my very last Morning at Home, the
"ears began to flow as if they should
ne'er cease!

Adieu! Adieu! Sweet Home of my
Youth, and all the Safety I e'er have
known! I began then to brood upon the
terrible Tales I'd heard told of London,
Tales of Highwaymen and Bawds, of
Robbers disguis’d as Dealers in Hair or
old Clothes, of Procuresses disguis'd as
Housekeepers or Decent Matrons. I
faith. I was upon the very Point of turn-
ing back, when I harshly commanded
myself to cease weeping and be brave.
Whereupon my old Determination did
not fail me (for I had learn'd e'en then
the curious Knack of commanding my-
self to appear courageous in the Face of
Fear—and lo and behold, the Pretense of
Courage almost created itl).

“So I spur’d Lustre on and gallop'd
toward the High Road, resolving bravely
to face the sundry Adventures which the
Fates surely had in Store.

WHAT SOME PEOPLE DO TO THEIR
FEET IS SIMPLY SHOCKING.

You slam them down. Twist them. Slam them
down again. And then you wonder why your
feet hurt and ache so much.

Its because the poor soles need cush-
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shoe can all by itself give you the
cushioning, support, and comfort.
which an active foot demands.

Thats why Scholl de-
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arevolutionary material called
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road-shock that sponge or latex
does. And they breathe, to keep
feet feeling cooler and drier.
ProComfort Sports

Cushions from Scholl. They're
anteed for the life of your shoes.
To help you stay foot-loose and
blister-free. Andthats the name
4 of the game.

Look for Pro Comfort products at sporting
‘goods and oiher ine etal outlets.

PLAYBOY

214

GETTING ITON WITH GREENS (continued from page 151)

* Main-dish salads allow plenty of latitude for free-
lancing and personal expression.”

their informality, main-dish salads can
be delicious eating, running the gamut
from a chef's salad laced with strips of
boiled ham and cheese to Italian spec-
taculars calling for meaty porcini mush-
rooms, sticks of parmesan and thin strips
of cold roast veal, all set on a bed of
Bibb lettuce and topped with grated
white truffles. At $600 a pound, fresh
truffles are dispensable, but there's no
dearth of intriguing salad ingredients to
pique the palate and engage the cere-
brum—tortellini, duckling, kiwi fruit,
pine nuts, daikon (a mild white Japanese
radish) and the Mediterranean treat
sliced squid being just a few.

For a fairly unpresuming course, salads
seem to generate controversy—whether
greens should be torn or cut, for exam-
ple. However, only a few procedures
significantly affect the finished dish:

+ Salads should be served chilled;
plates should be chilled, too.

* Greens should be dried, whether it's
done with paper toweling, dish towels or
whirling in a salad spinner. The last is
easiest and effective.

* Don't drown the salad in dressing—
too little is better than too much.

- Unless you have a special source for
buying dressings, make your own. It's
worth the trouble.

* Quality and freshness of ingredients
is the single most important factor. No
one seeks out tired water cress or soggy
radishes, of course, but you should be
downright finicky when sclecting salad
ingredients.

The innovative Soho Charcuterie does
a particularly good job with main-dish
salads. The two that follow are popular
with patrons of this attractive Man-
hattan restaurant.

INSALATA DI TORTELLINI
(Serves four to six)

Soho Charcuterie Vinaigrette: 1 egg
yolk, 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard, 14
cup red-wine vinegar, 1 tablespoon
chopped parsley, 1 cup vegetable oil
(may be part olive oil)

24 ozs. fresh tortellini (small stuffed
pasta rings)

6 ozs. Black Forest ham (or other good-
quality cooked ham), cut in julienne
strips

1 red bell pepper, seeded and cut in
julienne strips

“Don’t mind him, Mr. Wilcox, he’s just gathering
evidence for my sexual-harassment suit.”

34 cup cooked broccoli, cut in small

pieces

% cup minced scallions

1 teaspoon chopped fresh dill

2 tablespoons grated parmesan cheese

Garnish: radishes, cornichons, fennel

sticks

Combine all dressing ingredients, ex-
cept oil, in large bowl; whisk together
until thickened. Gradually add oil, while
continuing to whisk. Cook tortellini in
boiling, salted water just until tender,
4 to 5 minutes. Cool quickly in colander
under cold running water; drain well.
Add tortellini to dressing in bowl, along
with remaining ingredients, except gar-
nish. Toss gently. Chill about у hour
before serving. Arrange on platter and
decorate with garnishes.

Note: Fresh tortellini are available at
shops that sell fresh pasta, and some
large supermarkets carry them frozen. If
neither are available, small fresh or
frozen ravioli may be used, though
they're not as delicate as tortellini.

GREEN-BEAN ANTIPASTO WITH PINE NUTS
(Serves four)

Soho Charcuterie Vinaigrette

11% Ibs. fresh green beans

12 cherry tomatoes

14 cup toasted pinc nuts

6 ozs. smoked mozzarella, cubed

6.025. pepperoni, thinly sliced

1 tablespoon oregano

Garnish: curly chicory, marinated arti-

choke hearts, anchovy fillets

Prepare vinaigrette as for Insalata di
Tortellini. Remove stems from green
beans, but leave whole. Bring large pot
of lightly salted water to boil, add green
beans and cook 3 minutes or just until
crisp-tender. Cool quickly in colander
under cold running water; drain well.
Combine with other ingredients, except
garnish, and toss with dressing. Arrange
chicory leaves on platter. Mound anti-
pasto mixture on top. Decorate with
garnishes.

MELANGE OF COLD DUCK, IMPERIAL
(Serves four)

2 large ripe peaches, peeled and cubed

у cup fruit vinegar (raspberry, cherry,
etc.)

2 cups cubed cooked duck

2 medium-size seedless oranges, pecled
and sectioned

1 cup seedless green grapes

Y medium-size sweet onion, thinly
sliced and separated into rings

Y, cup sliced pitted ripe olives

Dressing: 14 cup orange juice; 34 cup
walnut 1 tablespoon chopped

sprigs parsley; 1 teaspoon

; 3% teaspoon dried mar-

joram; salt and pepper, to taste
Garnish: Bibb lettuce, orange slices,
grapes

Toss peach cubes with 1 tablespoon

vinegar, in salad bowl. Add duck, orange.

grapes, onion rings and olives. Combine

THE VOLVO GT.

A IOP-OFTHE-LINE
FERFORMANCE CAR

WITH THE
407 70M LINE EDGE.

Many professional drivers consider the
Volvo GT a first-rate performance sedan. For good
reasons. Its performance-tuned fuel-injected
overhead-cam engine. Suspension and handling
systems with gas-filled McPherson struts and extra
heavy-duty anti-roll bars, front and rear. Plus high-
performance Pirelli P6 radials and power assisted
disc brakes on all four wheels.

But when you test drive the Volvo GT, other

important things also become apparent. Like com-
fort, safety and quality workmanship throughout.
Which makes our bottom line—price—the most
competitive feature of the Volvo GT.

And that’s why you should stop in at a
Volvo showroom today. Because when you buy a
Volvo GT, you won't feel like you got beat—
coming or going.

VOLVO Acar you can believe in.

PLAYBOY

rest of vinegar with dressing ingredients
in blender; blend until smooth. Pour
about half over salad; toss gently. Add
additional dressing as needed and toss.
Arrange Bibb lettuce on platter. Top
with salad, decorate with fruit garnish.

New way with a staple—the chef's
salad. The old chef never looked better.

SUPERCHEF
(Serves four to six)

Dressing: М cup each wine vinegar
and mayonnaise; 34 cup vegetable
oil (use part olive); 1 crushed clove
garlic; salt and pepper, to taste

6 cups assorted salad greens, torn in

Sparl

Bold Pink...Classic Golden.
Each tastes like a light bubbly
wine. Perfect for parties,
celebrations and those very
special moments together.
With Champale* Malt Liquor,
the beautiful choice

is yours!

bite-size pieces (romaine, butter
lettuce, spinach leaves, etc.)
14 lb. cooked, shelled shrimps, halved
И Ib. pickled tongue, slivered
14 Ib. smoked turkey, slivered
Y, Ib. baked Virginia ham, slivered
14 Ib. feta cheese, in yin. cubes
2 large tomatoes, peeled, seeded and
diced
Garnish: 4 to 6 slices crumbled crisp
bacon, halfsour pickles, cherry
peppers
Combine dressing ingredients; mix
well. Put remaining ingredients, except
garnishes, in large salad bowl. Toss with
dressing until well mixed. Top with
garnishes.

CRAB LOUIS
(Serves four)

% Ib. lump crab meat (or 2 бог.
packages frozen Alaska king-crab
meat)

Crab-meat dressing: 1 cup mayonnaise;
14 cup chili sauce; 2 tablespoons
each finely chopped onion, green
pepper and green olives; 1 tea-
spoon Worcestershire sauce; salt
and pepper, to taste

Vinaigrette: 3 tablespoons vegetable
oil: 1 tablespoon wine vinegar;
small clove garlic, crushed; salt and

pepper, to taste

1 medium-size ripe avocado

2 tomatoes

Romaine-lettuce leaves, torn in bite-
size pieces

4 hard-cooked eggs, quartered and
sprinkled with paprika

Pick over crab meat to remove bits of
shell. (If frozen crab meat is used, thaw
as package directs.) Combine ingredients
for crab-meat dressing and mix well.
Add crab meat and toss gently. Combine
ingredients for vinaigrette. Peel and
slice avocado, quarter tomatoes and
sprinkle both with vinaigrette. Cover
bottom of serving platter or shallow
salad bowl with lettuce. Mound crab
meat in center. Ring with avocado slices,
tomato and egg quarters.

This piquant dressing is a specialty of
Balducci’s Market—a gourmet haunt in
Greenwich Village. You can use it with
any combination of fruits that happen
to be in season.

FRUIT IN COCONUT-GINGER-LIME DRESSING
(Serves six)

Balducci’s Coconut-Ginger-Lime Dress-
ing: V& cup heavy cream; 2 table-
spoons shredded or flaked coconut;
2 tablespoons fresh lime juice; 1
tablespoon grated lemon peel; 2 tea-
spoons honey; 1 teaspoon grated
fresh ginger; 1⁄4 cup mayonnaise

1 large banana, sliced

2 nectarines, peeled and sliced

1% cup thinly sliced jicama

1 kiwi fruit, peeled and sliced

1 cup fresh pineapple cubes

1% cups cantaloupe and honeydew
balls or cubes

1 cup whole strawberries

12 ozs. bucheron or other goat cheese

1% cup pistachio nuts

Combine all dressing ingredients, ex-

cept mayonnaise, in blender; blend
until smooth. Pour into large bowl; fold
in mayonnaise. Add fruit to dressing in
bowl; stir gently. Marinate several hours
in refrigerator. Spoon out on salad
plates. Flank fruit with half-moon cheese
slices; sprinkle salad with pistachios.

Note: If jicama is unavailable, substi-

tute crisp, tart apple—peeled and cubed.
(concluded overleaf)

“Boy, ГІІ say my husband would be furious. He's the greenskeeper.”

PLAYBOY

218

At last, a different, and delightful,
kind of chicken salad.

CHICKEN-PEANUT SALAD
(Serves two to three)

1% Ib. bean sprouts
2 cups shredded cooked chicken
1⁄4 cup sliced canned water chestnuts
11% cups water-cress leaves
1 small red onion, thinly sliced
V4 cup chopped peanuts
Dressing: 3 tablespoons peanut butter;
2 tablespoons each soy sauce, white
wine and vinegar; 1 tablespoon veg-
etable oil; I teaspoon each sesame
oil, sugar, grated fresh ginger root;
1 crushed clove garlic; Y4 teaspoon
cach dry mustard and curry powder:
4 dashes Tabasco, or to taste
Garnish: chutney, trimmed scallions,
English-cucumber slices
Pour boiling water over bean sprouts,
rinse with cold water, drain very well.
Combine with chicken, water chestnuts,
water cress, onion and peanuts in large
bowl. Combine dressing ingredients and
mix well. Toss salad ingredients with
dressing until well combined. Arrange

on platter and decorate with garnishes.

SHELLFISH REMOULADE
(Serves four)

Sauce Rémoulade: 1% cups mayon-
naise; 1 large clove garlic, crushed;
2 tablespoons each chopped cilantro
(coriander leaves), minced shallots; 1
teaspoon chopped capers; М tea-
spoon dry mustard
114 cups dry white wine or vermouth
1% lb. bay scallops
VÀ 1b. fresh shrimps, cooked and shelled
6 ozs. cooked lobster chunks (or lump
crab meat)
Red leaf lettuce
1 Ib. asparagus spears, cooked
Cherry tomatoes
Combine sauce ingredients and chill.
Bring wine to simmer in shallow sauce-
pan. Add scallops and poach just until
they turn opaque, 3 to 4 minutes. Drain
and chill (Shrimps and lobster are
available cooked, at good fish stores.)
Arrange bed of red leaf lettuce on oval
platter. Mound shrimps at one end, fol-
low with rows of asparagus, scallops,

“Then someone suggested we go toa
tattoo parlor, but, frankly, I was drinking so much I
don't remember if we went or not.”

cherry tomatoes, lobster. Spoon dressing
over all.

Note: Fresh cilantro is usually availa-
ble in Oriental and Hispanic produce
markets.

COLD ROAST BEEF CRIBICHE
(Serves three to four)

Sauce Gribiche: 2 hard-cooked eggs; 2
teaspoons mustard; 1 crushed clove
garlic: 34 cup vegetable oil (use part
olive); 14 cup wine vinegar; 3 table-
spoons well-drained pickle relish; 1
tablespoon each capers, finely
chopped shallots, chopped parsley;
1% teaspoon dried tarragon; salt and
pepper, to taste

34 Ib. cold roast beef or steak

1% Ib. mushrooms, sliced

1-2 tablespoons vegetable oil

1 tablespoon lemon juice

1 large potato, cooked, peeled and
sliced

Garnish: slivered iento, sliced
daikon radish, tiny pickled beets

Prepare sauce: Mash hard-cooked egg

yolks in bowl until smooth. Work in
mustard and garlic. Beat in 2 table-
spoons oil, few drops at a time. Then
beat in rest of oil in slow stream. Beat
in vinegar, little at a time. Stir in
chopped egg whites and other sauce in-
gredients. Cut beef in thin strips. Stir-
fry mushrooms in hot oil until lightly
golden. Remove from heat and add
lemon juice. Combine beef strips, mush-
rooms and potato slices in salad bowl.
Add Sauce Gribiche and toss gently
until well combined. Chill about 1%
hour. Decorate with garnishes before
serving.

TUNA CANNELLINI
(Serves two)

1 can (7 ozs.) Italian-style tuna in olive

oit

1 can (114 Ibs.) cannellini beans, well

drained

14 cup sliced pitted ripe olives

14 cup slivered pimiento

2 tablespoons chopped parsley

% medium-size red onion, sliced

М cup olive oil

2 tablespoons lemon juice

М teaspoon dried thyme

Salt and pepper, to taste

Garnish: arugula or escarole, whole

ripe olives, green-pepper rings

Break tuna into chunks in bowl. Add
beans, olives, pimiento, parsley and
onion; toss lightly until mixed. Mix cil,
lemon juice and thyme. Pour over tuna
and toss. Add salt and pepper to taste.
Arrange on platter; decorate with gar-
nishes.

The Romans and the Chinese used
both lettuce and cress as aphrodisiacs.
Maybe they knew something. What the
hell . . . if they don't work, you can al-
ways go back to oysters.

СЕ m
ОР, — |

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220

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This summer, that lucky old sun is going to have
some sexy new fans, sun worshipers in string
bikinis with solar-powered propellers that spin
when the sun shines (she'll have to go topless
into the water). A string bikini in yellow,
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bikini with propeller for $41.50—all from
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PLAYBOY POTPOURRI

people, places, objects and events of interest or amusement

PAYING ATTENTION TO MR. DETAIL
Kenna Pridemore is a stickler for detail. Mr, Detail, in fact, is the
name of his company at 2301 Purdue Avenue in Los Angeles
and he's that car-crazy town’s number-one cosmetologist. Call him
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gone over your cherished machine, polishing, rubbing, scrubbing
every nook and cranny, followed by a wax job. The cost? Just S85
to $250, depending on the machine. Yes, he's planning to franchise.

—

STRAIGHTEN UP AND FLY RIGHT
If our kit-plane feature in this issue leaves you longing to learn
how to pilot your own little doud jumper, pick up a copy of
Pilot Training. a soft-cover by Arthur J. Sabin that's available
from the publisher, Anderson World, Inc., P. O. Box 159,
Mountain View, California 94042, for $5.50, postpaid. Included in
the book is info on how much it costs to become a pilot and a
self-evaluation quiz to tell you whether or not you've got the right
stuff for flying. No, it doesn't show how to pack a parachute.

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Everest, the mountain-climbing game for
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only $12.95 sent to Marketing
Control at P.O. Box 2643,
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Busy executives may not have
time for three-hour lunches, but
that doesn’t mean the cottage
cheese they tote to work has to be
eaten warm. A company in
Tustin, California, called Divajex
is marketing the Lunch Pal, a
polystyrene 10” x 714" x 4" suit-
case-style container that has
room for a can of pop, a sand-
wich, yogurt or whatever, all kept
well chilled thanks to a
refrcezable Blue-Ice unit that
tucks into the corner of the case.
Lunch Pals are being sold at
drugstores and supermarkets for
about $7. A mini flask of
martinis will fit nicely in

there, too. Drink up.

PLAYBOY

222

BO [5 BACK (continued from page 111)

“They started crowding around me, shouting, “Bo!
Bo! Turn this way, Bo.” I kept my head down.’”

Husband John, recognizing an incipient
asiety attack when he saw one, sug-
gested that they get away so that Bo, in
his words, “could begin to figure out
who Bo was.

And that, Bo frankly admits, was a
tough one. “Before I met John, I didn't
ny interests other than boating
ydes. John used always to
ш. Bor

have n
and motor
k me, "What are you thinki
And I'd say, ‘Well, I don't know.

John says “Ignorance is bliss. Bo
didn't want to open a single can of pe
in her head. The reaction to her in "70"
forced her to take stock of hersel
uddenly," says Bo, “I found myself
continually confronted by people in the
media asking me, "Who are you?’ "

They retreated. First to Japan, then
to a half-dozen other countries, indud-
ing Australia and Switzerland, But they
quickly discovered. that there are few
places in the world where Bo Der ek can
go unnoticed by the press. In Sydney,
the media were so obsessed with her—
“10” had just opened there—that, with
a nudge from Warner Bros. (distributor
of 710"), she and John granted a pres
conference. It didn't go well.

“We didnt mind going through an-
swering questions,” Bo says, "but we
didn't want any photos taken, because
the photos would haunt us through the
rest of our trip, all over Europe. So W;
ner Bros. had asked the press not to
bring cameras. Well, when the pre
showed up at this little restaurant where
we held the press conference, they were
all carrying cameras. We said, “Hey, you
guys knew in advance that there were to
be no pictures. John was trying to ©
plain our point of view when one of the
photographers interrupted him, saying,
"Mr. Derek, how long do we have to
listen to this? Let us speak to your
wife. Well, that made John Furious and
it made me mad, too. But John told me,
"Let them take their pictures and then
let's get the hell out of here and go
hoi 1

And that was the turning point, the
beginning, she says, of finding Bo Derek.
"I couldn't d They started taking

ictures of me and I told them to stop.
s telling me to go ahead and
cooperate, to do it for him. But, at the
me time, everything that I'd. learned
from him about being ass е cried out
against staying for the interview and the
pictures. So 1 ran out of the restaurant.
John was shouting at me, the photogra-
phers were following me, clicking away,
and I didn't have any idea where J was.

John s

I mean, I was in Australia, right? A
lady who works with Warner Bros. was
there and she caught up with me and
tried to get me away. The photographers
were so close that we decided to jump
into a car. A photographer jumped in
with us and started taking pictures. The
lady and I stated trying to push the
guy out and shouted at him to leave us
lone, but then he informed us that we'd
jumped It turns out that
the car we'd come in had been moved.
So we jumped out and ran another block
until we found ou ar. Finally, we
escaped, but I was nearly in hysterics.

"When I got back to our hotel," Bo
continues, "John was there and 1 im-
mediately broke down, shaking and
crying. T was so mad, and at the same
time I thought he'd be mad at me be-
cause I didn't do what he told me. But
John said he was proud of me and that
he'd been trying to tell me—with his
go. I was confused, but so
` She had ally done wl Bo
wanted to do. "It was a good lesson for
me," she says.

By the time she returned from the ten-
week vacation, Bo was sure she could
handle the pressures of being a star,
including the press. Her new-found as-
sertiveness first showed up on the set of
A Change of Seasons (due to be released
in December), in which she co-stars with
Anthony Hopkins and Shirley MacLaine.

“Ordinarily, when I get mad, I don't
scream or yell; I ery, because I usually
feel it's my fault. But one day in Ver-
mont [where A Change of :
filming]. a combinati
up. They made me r d and I
blew up in front of the crew. I actually
yelled. When I got home, I started

sha
As she recounts the story, Bo sits in a
rocking chair in the high-ceilinged liv-
ng room in the Dereks’ cozy Marina
del Rey apartment. She's not we
make-up, which v ; us that she
owns the rosiest cheeks in Hollywood.
Her sandy blonde hair hangs loose,
except for one long beaded braid remi-
niscent of her role in “10” She's
dressed in a large red T-shirt, blue
jeans and her favorite black hand-
socks (from Alghanistan) Her T-sl
says Moscow, 1990. In view of the Olympi
boycott, we ask her why she's wearing it.
“I was thinking just before the in-
terview,” she laughs, “that maybe I
shouldn't wear it. But I decided, why
nov It’s a comfortable T-shirt. On the
other hand, I wore it to the supermarket

aring

the other day without thinking and 1
was worried the whole time that I should
cover it up, that someone would recog-
nize me, sce the T-shirt and sa
"You traitor!’ But no one did."

(We reflect for a moment on what
kind of man might spy Bo Derek in his
local supermarket and think only of
criticizing her T-shirt. Probably not the
kind of man who reads PLAYBOY.)

Wearing what she wants is also a part
of Bo's new self-aware) For the 1980
Academy Awards ceremomy (at which
she and Christopher Reeve presented the
Oscar for Best Film Editing), she scorned
the starlet’s standard low-cut dress and,
instead. opted for а plain white, almost
pristine A-line dress with a shallow scoop
neck. For that she may wind up on Black-
well's worst-dressed list again (she made
it last year, to which she commented,
t's far better than being on his best
dressed list”), but neither she nor John
cares. John helped her hem her Oscar-
night dress but stayed home to watch the
ceremony on television. because, as he
says, “Гуе been through it before.” Per-
haps it’s good tat John didn't go.
because it gave Bo a chance to test her
new-found moxie vis-à-vis the media

"After the ceremony," she tells us, "I

сз:

was to escort the man who won for Best
Film Editing backstage to meet the press.
still

There were two rooms, one for
photographers and one for telev
cameras. I was taking him to the one
with the television cameras and we
passed the othe
ide, photograph
tures of the various Oscar winners, and
suddenly, they all ran out of the room
to follow me, leaving the other people
behind—which I thought was terribly
rude—and I felt embarrassed, since 1
was just there as an escort, not as a win-
ner or а nomince. They started. crowd-
ing around me, shouting, 'Bo! Bo! Turn
this way, Bo! Look up, Во I kept my
head down. They weren't even. photo-
graphing the man 1 was with, who'd won
an Oscar. Just me. I wouldn't pose for
them, so at one point this photographer,
an older man, said loudly, in a very
stern voice, "Bo, you vited here as
a guest, and to have your picture taken,
and you will look up. You've got to
realize that until recently that sort of.
thing would have paralyzed me,
I would have felt that this ri
grownup child, and
who am I to say no to an adult? But
instead, I asked the man I w ng
if he minded if I left. He said he didn't,
so I walked a And as I left, you should
have heard the boos from the photogra-
phers. ‘Boo, Bo! Booooo.' ”

If you get the impression that Bo’s a
reluctant superstar, you're only half
right. She wants success, but on her own
terms—not an unreasonable expectation

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when you consider that she’s been offered
literally millions of dollars to perform
in movies she doesn’t want to do and to
endorse products that she doesn’t use.

And why should she? Alter all, with
only one hit movie under her belt, she's
already so well known that she receives
fan letters addressed "Bo Derek, Holl
wood," and sometimes just "Bo Derek."
And it's probably a reflection of her
aristocratic image (a real 10 is a girl you
wouldn't think of belching in front of)
that "I've never had an obscene letter.
Not one. They've all been very nice. A
few have been erotic, but more poctic
than vulgar. I haven't heard from one
weirdo." However, those who fancy
themselves Cyranos of the erotic couplet
should be forewarned that Bo's grand-
mother answers most of her fan mail.
“She scems to enjoy it," says Bo.

Bo and John have planned her im-
mediate future rather well. Their main
concern at the moment is the production
of Me, Jane ("Tarzan the Ape Man from
Jane's point of view," says John), starring
Bo, produced by Bo and directed by
John. It will be, according to John,
"Sexy, exotic, funny, everything.”

We ask Bo why she elected to produce
her own film and she answers, “Because
John will be too busy to worry about
the details.”

John adds, “And Bo is very good with
details.” After completing Me, Jane, the
Dercks plan to make a film John tenta-
tively titles The Cowboy and the Crazy
Lady, which will star Bo as a teenaged
girl and co-star John's ex-wife Ursula
Andress as Bo's mother.

"I love Ursula.” Bo says unaflectediy.
“and I'd love to work with her.”

Alter that, who knows? Perhaps anoth-
er vacation in Japan. If there's one
country whose press Bo likes, it's Japan.

"We held a pres conference, and
when we walked im, everyone was so
quiet, it so formal. We had an

interpreter who, for some reason, sud-
denly couldn't interpret, and there I
was, standing in front of these people
who wer

all so quiet, not knowing what
nally, someone asked me a ques-
cd it, and then it was silent
again. They all just sat there and looked
at me. I looked around at the Warner
Bros. people and asked. "What's wrong?
What's wrong? Finally, опе of the Jap-
anese writers who spoke English said
to me, "If you want to answer more ques-
tions, you have to ask us to ask them
every time,’ They're so formal, it’s won-
derful. We just had a lot of fun in
Japan, even though John and 1 don't
particularly like Japanese food. John ate
rice and sugar and milk the whole time.
But we rcally enjoyed the people.

In Japan, they call Bo “Ju,” which
means, ol course, ten.

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THE REAGAN QUESTION (continued from page 122

“The Reagan children do not conform to the plastic
normalcy Ronnie has been pushing all these years.”

what he was talking about.

On the chartered campaign plane
from Orlando, Florida, into Augusta,
1 finally got a chance to ask the governor
to spell it out (this and all subsequent ex-
en from the interview I did
with him for the Los Angeles Times):
SCHEER: You speak of the breakdown of
the family, the Federal Government's
intrusion into life between the parents
nd the children. What do you have in
mind?

REAGAN: There has been a constant efb
fort on the part of government at almost.
every level to interfere with the family
and make decisions with regard to
children. For example, you've got a
woman who has been appointed a judge
by the President who has advocated
that children should have the right to
in disputes with their
parents. In € а. they tried to get
a bill passed that would allow underage
children to go on their own, to a doctor,
and get advice on contraceptives, and
so forth, without the knowledge of their
parents.

SCHEER: But isn't that one way to avoid
the need for abortions, which you
oppose?

REAGAN: But isn’t that also government
ng its nose into the farnily?
SCHEER: But if you have an underage
child, isn't it better that he or she get
a contraceptive device and then thereby
avoid what you have termed murdering
a feuis?

AN: What has ever happened to the
ching of a fam
SCHEER: What if the family has broken
down, what if the parents aren't there,
irs a grandmother or an
t child, and the child
ceptive device or wants
isn't it better to allow him or her
chase it rather than to have an
on or an unwanted baby?
Whatever happened io just

who's
needs a contra
one

.
Is Reagan kidding? Does he not know
s been going on in this country,
ind does he really believe it's all du
vernment's "breaking up the fami

Following that exchange with Reagan,
I wandered back to my seat in the press
section of the plane very much needing
a drink. All I could think of was sound
trucks cruising our communities, urging
young people to just say no. “Hey, you,
in the back seat of that car, whatever
happened . . . ?" I wanted to say yes, to
indulge some minor decadence. To sin
in the pathetic way that one does cover-

ing a campaign, by heavy drinking. What
world did Reagan live in? As in other
campaigns, a number of the people
around me on the plane, Reagan staff.
press, offduty Secret Service, would
often spend their evenings near drunk,
just hoping that some woman or man
would turn up to whom they could

yes. Many of them are divorced or active-
ly behaving in such a way as to become
so. And I'd never once on any campaign
trip ever heard anyone speak in other
approving way about extramari-
ог was any of this permissive-
ness inspired by the Federal Government.

But what about Reagan himself? How
had he managed to avoid the pitfalls of
ordinary humans? Then suddenly I re-
lized that 1 had accepted the sancti-
monious Reagan stance at face value. I,
in fact, knew very little about Reagan's
family life. and neither did others in
the press corps. His family life is a
closely guarded secret. The Reagan staff
barely concedes that the candidate has
a family and keeps the press away from
the two younger children,

But since Reagan has mixed up the
personal and the political, it seemed
necessary to take a closer look at his
family life. After interviews with family
and friends, it was possible to learn that
Reagan does, indeed, live in the same
messcd-up world that the rest of us
inhabit. And it hardly seems that the
Federal Government caused the break-
down of his own family.

Was the Government responsible for
his divorce from actress Jane Wyman
82 years ago or was it, as she testified
in court, his attempts to subordinate
her interests to his political preoccupa-
tions?

Was the Government responsible for
his younger daughter, Patti's, history of
teenage rebellion and later running off
to England with a member of a rock
group—The Eagles—just prior to the
1976 campaign and mot letting her
parents know where she was? Or was it,
as I hear Reagan's rigid refusal to
allow the young musici into the
house because they were

some f; y life is the best and simplest
counterweight to the ills of society
spawned by a permissive Government.
He has also consistently led the hunt for
scapegoats—hippics, radicals, lenient
judges—which obscures the complexities
of raising a family in a changing world.
‘There is a smirking self-righteousness to
the man—"Whatever happened to just

saying no?”—which implies that he and
other proper folks have been successful
at coping with family problems.

The point is not to extend gossip but,
rather, to observe that the Reagan
mily has experienced the same
of divorce, generati
conflicting morality and
sense of purpose as most Americans.

The campaign docs not like to men-
tion the Reagan children, because they
do not conform to the plastic normalcy
Ronnie has been pushing all these
but 1 was pleasantly surprised to

dropped out of college over their par-
€ objections, but Maureen did so to
become an actress and cventually an
organizer for the E.R.A. Elder son Mi-

а hol, and
» is now a rock n. The
youngest, Ronald, Jr., 22, left Yale sud-
denly after his first year to become a
ballet dancer. Maybe it doesn’t fit Rea-
gan's h -the-saddle image to have a
son who's a ballet dancer, but his
teacher's report is that he is a serious
and talented student with The Joffrey
Ballet who had worked extra hard to
make up for his late start

The Reagan children are an embar-
rassment to the campaign precisely
because they are interesting. Reagan
staffers cannot easily control the off
springs’ comments or action. The
younger two are not currently campaign-
ing for their father and the older two,
who are, must be kept at a distance, per-
haps because they are bright and funny.

Aside from being outspoken and in-
dependent, Maureen, 39, and adopted
son Michacl, 35 (children ot his first mar-
riage), who strongly support their fa-
dacy, are thought to be
usc they sabotaged Ronnie's
campaign simply by growing up. They
both joked to me about the campaign
staff's wanting to have some little kids
sent over from cenual casting to Com-
plete the camp t. They sup-
port Reagan be dge hi
very good man who will effectively lead
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228

up one day on the campaign trail and
said, “Hey, even before Kramer ws.
Kramer, I knew divorce wasn't the end
of the world." Or, "My wife, Nancy,
and I were so cagerly in love that we
produced a seven-pound baby girl just
seven and one hall months alter our
wedding." О: learned that kids can
rebel against everything I stand for, and
still be in the human race.” Or, “I got
divorced because I was a male-chauvinist
slob who was threatened by Jane
Wyman’s being a much better actor. So
1 went off to marry a woman who lives
only through me and my career.” Or,
fter my divorce, I drank a lot and
chased women and I still managed to
come out of it OK,"

In his autobiography, Reagan refers
to his divorce only in the last four
paragraphs of a chapter detailing how
he and the House Un-/ an Acti
ties Committee did in the Hollywood
leftists. (Perhaps the Feds were respon-
le for his divorce, after all) As he
recalls, “I arrived home from the Wash-
ington [HUAC] hearing to be told I
was leaving. I suppose there had been
warning signs, il only I hadn't been so
busy, but small-town boys grow up
thinking only other people get divorced.
The plain truth was that such a thing
was so [ar from being imagined by me
that I had no resources to call upon.”

The question is whether or not he
has since expanded those resources. For

his campaign rhetoric still reflects—
indeed, celebrates—the thinking of
smalltown boys, at least as they were

pictured in the movies of the Forties,
following their father’s example of

hard work, pious 1
success

Reagan's real-life father, as he con-
cedes, was something of an alcoholic who
had trouble holding on to a job and
was all but destroyed in the Great
Depression. He and the entire Reagan
family were saved from poverty only by
F.D.R.'s New Deal In fact, Reagan's
father was one of those faceless burcau-
cras, the “they” in the “Just who do
they think they are?"—the guy who
gave out the relief payments and then
the jobs when they made him the head
of the local WPA. The reallife elder
Reagan sounds like he

ing and substantial

son th
complexity so affcc
biography:

I bent over him, smelli
sharp odor of whiskey from the
speak-easy. I got a fistful of his
overcoat. Opening the door, 1 man-
aged to drag him inside and get
him to bed. In a few days, he was
the bluff, hearty man I knew and
loved and will always remember.

Jack (we all called him by his
nickname) was a handsome man—
tall, swarthy and muscul: filled
h contradictions of ch ter. A
sentimental Democrat, who believed
fervently in the rights of the work-
g man.

When Reagan wrote those words about
his father, he had abandoned his own
tradeunion career with the Screen Ac-
tors Guild and gone off to preach the
ite message for General Electric.

corpo

"I still like the little cottontail effect better.”

Reagan recalls his father as "the best
raconteur I ever heard, especially when
it came to the smoking-car sort of sto-
s." He claims that Jack "drew a sharp
line between lusty vulgar humor and
filth. To this day, I agree with his credo
and join Jack and Mark Twain in assert-
ing that one of the basic forms of Ameri
n humor is the down-to-carth wit of
the ordinary person, and the questionable
language is justified if the point is based
on real humor.

Privately, Reagan can use rough lan-
guage both humorously and in occasion-
all flashes of anger. He can also be one of
the funnier candidates on the campaign
trail. He likes to tell joke: nd that's
why he told the ethnic joke that got him
nto some trouble. Perhaps if reporters
didn't ove politician's telling
the very same joke they routinely hear
and tell in the city room, we'd get more
humor. Reagan seems inclined to that
sort of jest, and he's even reported to
€ whispered an ethnic joke—about
blacks and Chinese—at Jack Benny's
funeral. But people who know Reagan
deny that he's bigoted, and certainly not
toward ethnic groups. He himself is the
product of an ethnic joke—the cross of a
hard-drinking Irish-Catholic father and
a Bible-toting Scotch-English Protestant
mother. His nickname, Dutch, derives
from his father's referring to him at birth
as a fat little Dutchman.

Reagan's humor may derive from his
Irish father, but his puritanism bears the
mother, who considered her-
ched by God from an carly
deathbed to stick around to convert sin-
ner. Nelle Reagan's missionary work
took her and her Bible in and out of
the s of the Midwest and later the
hospitals of California. Maureen Reagan
remembers her grandmother as a remark-

ble woman of near Biblical strength and

conviction, a woman of great social con-
science and concern for the less fortu-
mate. But it seems more a piein-thesky,
m mary’s vow for the sinner to be
aved than, as Jack would have had it,
for the poor 0 organize to gain their
just deserts. Those are two views of
poverty, and Reagan seems to have trav-
eled from the vision of the father to th
of the mother in his march from early
liberalism to late conservatism.

In any event, Reagan's mother was a
strong figure and he seems to have looked
for similar qualities in his wives, but
their strengths differ markedly. In his
marriages, he went from Jane Wyman,
who exhibits a mocking independence,
to his current wife, Nancy, a vassal of
cold public virtue. The two women rep-
resent a startling contrast and it is
difheult to imagine his having been at
tracted to both, though each is strong-
willed and possessed of a fiery temper.

I met Jane Wyman, who has shunned
the press, by happenstance at a party for

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PLAYBOY

239

Ronald Reagan's daughter Maureen's dog.
Jt was а party that was ripe for а snappy
“conservative chic" dismissal, but that
would have gotten it all wrong. Yes,
there was а large red, white and blue
birthday cal nd buttons sayin
ВАКХАЕ FOR FIRST рос (one guest of-
fered—to considerable laughter—that it
should be BARNAE FOR FIRST LADY), and
the dog who received presents was one
of those frisky litle ones that rich
people adore. But Maureen's apartment
is modest and the crowd eclectic, a mix
from the neighborhood including a Los
Angeles Times pressman who belongs
to Maureen's local Lutheran church and
the local hairdresser, who doesn't. The
party was an annual puton for the litle
п the rain in Tex
Maureen v
chael was happily tell-
nd other jokes; he confessed
he had told his father the one that got
him into troubl
to stop now.

mutt who was found ii

and he wasn't going
Actress Gretchen Wyler,
who's involved in Actors and Others for
Animals, talked about saving dogs, and
Jane Wyman was challenging the role of
multinational companie LA. at
s best—i nts from.
all over the countr g a variety
of styles and obsessions, whose coexist-
ence is made possible by an easygoing
tolerance.

One could imagine the best part of
agan (the one Гуе seen at moments
in interviews and must confess to liking)
enjoying this party with his two older
children and his ex-wife, though Nancy
would not welcome it. Nancy and Jane
do get along. And Nancy pi
socially important functions. She is
serious. no-nonsense social climber. In
publi ncy Reagan is the extreme op-
posite of open. She possesses the tightest
smile in the land. and it can always be
clicked exactly into place.

Nancy's chief mission in life appears to
be to stick constantly to Ronnie's side to
n him when his momentary ex-
uberance might lead him once again to
put his foot in his mouth. I experienced
her screening effect at one press con-
ference in Sarasota in March. In New
Hampshire, Reagan had called mari-
juana "one of the most dangerous drugs."
At the Sarasota press conference, he was
Кеа for the factual basis for that state-
ment, Reagan referred to an HEW study
showing that one marijuana cigarette had
potentially greater carcinogenic content
than an ordinary tobacco cigarette, 1 had
read the same report, which also in-
ated that marijuana users need far
fewer joints to get high than the number
of cigarettes used by the average smoker.
I broke through the babble of the press
conference to point that out to him and
thought 1 had him cornered. He was, as
is his custom, about to compound the

featuri

not fers

error by talking even more about a sub-
ject he knew nothing about, But Nancy
swildy moved her face next to his, looked
up at him with her unwavering smile and
whispered loudly enough to be heard by
a few reporters near her, “You wouldn't
know.” Reagan snapped to, suddenly re-
laxed, cocked his head back as if to
ponder his answer and said with a smile
and oncamera, "I wouldn't know."

But there is still some vestige of the
preconservative, pre-Nancy Ronnie who
is the old actor, who won't take himself
jously, who is aware that the world
de up of many different types. Mau-
"How could he be thought
naive and prudish when he worked so
long in Hollywood? He met all types.

ported fi
n ay.
Reagan's security man investigated the
matter and could find no evidence, but
they were fired anyway, on the basis of
another ма member's accusation. The
Anita Bryant people liked him in Flori-
da: but, on the other hand. it is Reagan
who, morc than one, s credit. for
sinking the Briggs initiative in Califor-
1978 by publicly opposing the
antihomosexual proposition. Yet his
nee is ambivalen
: Why do you attack homosexuals,
а recent rally?

I didn't attack them, I was asked
a question. A fellow asked me if I be-
lieved that they should have the same
civil rights and I said I think they do
and should but that my criticism of the
gay-rights movement is that it isn't asking
for civil rights, it is asking for а recogn
tion and acceptance of an alternative
lifestyle that I do not believe society can
condone, nor can 1.

SCHEER: For religious reasons?

REAGAN: Well. you could find that in the
Bible it says that in the eyes of the Lord,
this is an abomination,

senker: But should that bind the rest of
the citizens, who may not believe in the
Bible? Don't we have the r
tion of church and state?
we do; yes, we do. Look,
what other group of people demands the
y here is the toral
libertarian—or libertine, I should say—
who wants the right to just free and
open se
SCHEER: That's the thing that’s confusing
me—its the conservative who wants to
keep government out of everything: why
don’t you keep it out of private mora
Why do you want the cops com
the Government, the state, and telling
people what their sex life should be?
REAGAN: No one is advocating the inva
sion of the private life of any individu:
] think. Mrs. Patrick Campbell said it
n the trial of Oscar Wilde. She

ing of two high-rani
mbers who were accused of being

nia

said, “I have no objection to anyone's
sex life so long as they don't practice it
n the street and frighten the horses.
B

lifornia reporters who have long
covered Reagan do not tend to judge him
nspirited man. He never seems
tist and, indeed, conveys a sense
nd concern to those who

ds. Few people who have spent time
th him dislil but there are far
fewer people who will daim to really
know him. He is a legendary loner who
spends virtually all of his free time in
solitary activity—mending fences on his
ranch or riding his horse. Solitary except
for his ever-present mate, Nancy.

The ranch house near Santa Barbara.
where they spend much of their free time
was built small with little. room for
guests, Ronnie has few if any close male
friends and one aide who worked with
Nancy insists that she “simply docs not
like other women, she is threatened. by
their presence, including that of her own
daughter.” It was also said by one family
member that “he is totally and devotedly
in love with her and, for that reason,
suffers her not infrequent tantrums.” An

associate said, “She is a force, a strong
woman in the prelibe of
strength. Her power derives from her

association with and power over a male.”
First there was the famous neurosurgeon
father, whose name and contacts gave
her enuee to Hollywood and her abortive
arlet career prior to marrying Ronnie.

Now she manages his equilibrium and has
life-and-death power over his stafling
decisions. In the weeks preceding the

ring of former campaign m
Sears, both Sears and his m
Meese, the governor's campais

+ John
is, Ed
Iof
staff who won out, were compelled to
make their case to the governor through
the wife. And there is little doubt that she
was instrumental in this and many other

1 decisions. This is no Eleanor Roose-
velt or even a Rosalynn Carter art
women with their own strong social

values and insights. Her life is Ronald
Reagan.

Which is how Ronnie wanted it in his
second marriage. His first had come to
an end when his movie career fo
ind Jane Wyman's flourished. (S
nominated four times for Academy
Awards and won once; he was never
nc ted.) Wyman clearly had ideas of
her own and, perhap: ad of her
time. At their divorce trial in 1948, ac-
cording to the account offered by the
Los Angeles Times, "Miss Wyman told

ndered
he w:

the court that she and Reagan engaged
in continual arguments on his political
views,”

Reagan was then the gung-ho presi
dent of the Screen Actors Guild. It was
when he came back from being a friendly
witness at HUAC, testifying ag;
lywood Reds, that Wyman first asked for

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PLAYBOY

a divorce. According to a report of their against Reds in Hollywood, as he re-
divorce, “Despite her lack of interest in vealed to me recently: “There was no
his political activities, Miss Wyman con- black list of Hollywood. The black list
tinued, Reagan insisted that she attend in Hollywood, if there was one, was
meetings with him and that she be pre provided by the Communists. There

ent during discussions
But her own idea
never considered important

Those years of HUAC and the black
list gave Reagan not only a new wife but
also a new ideological commitınent. To
understand his persistent obsession with
the Communists, one has to view history
from his point of view rather than, say,
from Lillian Hellman’s. Reagan still be
lieves that there never was a black list

among his friends.
, she complained, ‘were

were black lists by our customers and
clients who said to the motion-picture
industry, ‘We won't go to see pictures
that those people are involved in.’ "

•

In his view, it was war, as he stated
back in 1951: “The Russians sent their
first team, their ace string, here to take
us over. . .. We were up against hard-
core organizers.”

Some of Reagan's critics of the time

suggested that the aging actor (he was 40
then) was attempting to lay out a politi
cal string to compensate for a stalled
acting career. But whatever the original
ation, there can be little doubt of
the passionate hatred that Reagan de-
veloped for the

moti

people he considered
Hollywood's hard-core Communists and
r liberal fellow travelers. And the
ing was mutual. It was a civil war
hin a community that pretends to
familial intimacy and even attains it at
times, perhaps more than in any other
industry tell it, the
other had all the guns. There is
substantial literature documenting the
fact that there was a black list and that

To hear each side
now

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many artists—actors, writers, directors—
had their careers destroyed because
people like Reagan could reach produc
ers and theater and advertisers,
But, as Reagan describes it, the Reds had
the power of the pen and mouth—to be
smirch reputations and to organize effec-
tive fronts to cloak subversion with the
protection of the First Amendment. To
be sure, both sides played hard ball and
an, who was out in front for his

cause, took his lumps.
It was si

owners

nilar to the ways in which one
could view the campus disturbances at
eley over the Vietnam war when he
was governor more than 15 years later.
The students saw that Reagan had the
regents of the university and the cops,
but he must have recognized that the
students had grabbed the high moral
ground and would win

It is easy for Reagan to feel the ag
grieved party. But then again, that's not
unusual in an activist. The problem,
however, is that Reagan's basic education
for the Presidency—his world view—
seems to have grown rather lincarly and
simplistically out of the Hollywood and
Berkeley skirmishes with "communism."
Tot sation with Reagan
clearly indicates that he knows and cares
less about the Sino-Soviet dispute in
judging world events than he does about
the battles within the
Guild of the early Fifties

In fact, Ri
Sino-Soviet

date, а conv

Screen Actors

agan must now detest the
dispute, because any such
complexity, if accepted, would mitigate
against the rage that still wells up in
him at the memory of those
who first broke his liberal faith and led

servative

Commies

n on the long march toward a con-
Presidency. The faith,
steeled in combat, was simple, direct:
Communism is godless and its practi-
tioners are monsters. He believed that in
1951 in Los Angcles and in 1980 in Or
lando, Florida
SCHEER: You

new

attacked “godless commu
Im

nism" and curious about the usc

of the word godless
portant element there
REAGAN: Well, because this is one of the

why is that an im-

vital precepts of communism, that we

PLAYBOY

are accidents of nature.
SCHEER: But is it the godlessness that
makes them more violent, more aggres-
sive, more ех] nsionist?

REAGAN: Well, it is one that gives them
les regard for humanity or human
beings.

sCHEFR: But here we have the Ayatollah

in Iran, who certainly is not godless, and.
he seems to be——

REAGAN: A fanatic and а zealot
scneer: But he's not godless.

REAGAN: No, not im his sense—and we

have had that all the way back through
history. We go back to the Inquisition
in Spain. So there are people who,
through their fanaticism, misuse religion.
But the reason for the godlessness with
regard to communism—here is a direct
teaching of the child from the beginning
of its life that it is a human being whose
only importance is its contribution to the
state, that they are wards of the state,
that they exist only for its purpose,
nd that there is no God, they are just
an accident of nature that areated a
human being. The result is, this is why
they have no respect for human life,
for the dignity of an individual.

1 remember one night, a long time

ago, in a rally in Los Angeles, 16.000
people in the auditorium, and this was at

the time when the local Communists, the
American Communist Party—and this is
all well documented—was actually try-
ing, had secured. domination of severa
unions in the picture business and was
trying to take over the motion-picture
industry, and with all of the rewriting
of history today, and the stories that we
have seen, and the screenplays and tele-
vision plays, and so forth, about the per-
secution for political belicfs that took
place in Hollywood, believe me, the per-
secutors were the Communists who had
gotten into position where they could
destroy carcers, and did destroy them.
.

With Reagan, the categories get all
mixed up and the Commies metamor-
phose into welfare socialists and the New
Deal. Thus, in the appendix in his auto-
hy, under a section titled “Karl
we find this tirade, not
the Russian Bolsheviks but
very Keynesians of the New Deal who
kept his father from the gutter: “We are
faced with the most evil enemy mani
has known in his long climb from the
swamp to the stars. There can be no
security anywhere in the free world if
there is not fiscal and economic stability
within the United States. Those who ask
us to trade our freedom for the soup
kitchen of the welfare state are architects
of a policy of accommodatio!

Is he talking about unemployment in-
nce and senior-citizen centers
Medicare? And why does that Б
speech, now 15 years old, still go over on
the campaign trail? Because he's riding

234 а crest of resentment toward overblown

programs that don't work and bureau-
crats who get paid even if they don't.
And just who do nk they
are? If you can't afford the suburbs and
must live in the inner city and get your
child bused to a school with tough ghetto
kids, you can get pretty pissed. Especially
when they—the sociologists, the judges,
the liberal scribblers, the HEW bureau
crats—send their kids to private schools.
There is pain out the
employed taxpaying masses, and
bri
solve hi
ity while fi
taken to solve

e among the
the
iance of Reagan is that he can ab-
own politics of any responsil

g bi

me on all past steps

ny of the problems. Take
tough blacks and white racists in the
schools. Did the liberals invent racial

hostility? Are they or their politic
cestors responsible for slavery, the m:
ing of black culture, the persistence of
segregation in the South and discrim
tion in the North?
Reagan's own position on civil rights
of the “some of my best friends аге”
iet
SCHEER: In 1966, you were quoted as say-
ing you were opposed to the 1961 Civil
Rights Act, as an example of Federal
intrusion.
REAGAN: | was opposed at the time, I
an't remember the exact details. not
for the idea of doing something against
prejudice, certainly. I was opposed to
certain features of that law that went
bcyond and infringed on the individual
ights of citizens that are supposedly
nteed by the Constitution.
eR: Which features?
Well, they had to do
let's say the person who ow
his right to do with his
he wants to do.
schwer: Do you mean discriminate in
renting it or discriminate in selling it?
REAGAN: At that time, this was what I
thought was interfering with the right,
icularly, with the idea of selling. I
recognize that that could lend itself to
the same prejudice that we're talking
about, and I'm opposed to that prej
udice. I said at that ti that I felt that
the President had a moral responsibility
to use the powers of persuasion that the
office has, to help cure us of the kind of
bigotry and prejudice that made those
discriminations possible.
SCHEER: But you would still be against
the Civil Rights Act of 1964?
REAGAN: No, no, I wouldn't, because T
recognize now that it is
and it has, let's say, hastened the solution
of a lot of problems
So why is that so difficult in an
w situation for a politician to
say. "I was wrong in '66 and I've
changed my mind and now I would have
supported the
REAGAN: One reason is because, very
frankly, you of the presi—and not mean-
ing present company—you of the press
have a way of seizing upon a sentence

ith the,
ns property,
property what

and then distorting the view and present-
ing a political candidate or a political
official as having some beliefs or prej-
udices that he does not have. Now. I
will weigh my fight against bigotry and
prejudice against that of the most ardent
il rights advocate, because I was do-
ing it when there was no civil rights
fight. I, on the air as a sports announcer
years and years ago, was editorializing
against the gentleman's agreement that
kept blacks from playing organized base-
ball. I dealt with it in my personal life: 1
played on a college football te:
side a black who's today my best fr
when this was not commonplace.
SCHEER: One thing that came up in the
Hampshire [Republi debate
was the question of the number of black
peopley the number of minorities on
various people's staffs. Гус been traveling
with you for a few weeks now and I have
yet to sce a single minority person.
REAGAN: We've been traveling with a
very small segment, When we talk about
staff, we're talking about not only several
hundred actual staff employees but even
more, literally thousands of volunteers.
1 know we have a committee that is total-
ly black. I don't know their exact num-
bers, but we're going to do an inventory
and find out. But certainly there has
been no effort to exclude.

.
an is still against the desegrega-
tion of neighborhoods and affirmative
ind, surely, having one black
om college football days will not
solve the problems. When Reagan wa:
governor, he said jobs created by the
private sector for hard-core unemployed
blacks were the answ And the answer
turned out to be fewer than 2000 jobs in
state that has 40 percent black-youth
unemployment, a state of 20,000,000
people.

What Reagan added was a begrudging
spitit—a contempt for those who had
tried to do something. He loathed the
civil rights activists whom he termed
tants” and was later
Southern Strategy
with equanimity. He made people on
welfare feel even more forlorn and weak
in they were. At the time of the S.L.A./
idnaping, when the Hearst
sa

along-

nd,

too bad we can't have an epidemic of
botulism.” He challenged the patriotism
of those who would stop the war in Viet-
nam and had his own Strangelovian

solution: “We could pave the whole
country, put parking strips on it and
He

still be home before Christmas.”

derided environmentalists by saying,
trees a tree—how many more do we
need to look a?” He delighted in hum-
bling the great public university system
with inane comments such as, "The
state should not subsidize intellectual
curiosity." He responded as governor to

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PLAYBOY

236

ampus demonstrations by sa
to be a blood bath, let it be now
E
. as governor, despite his
ious rhetorical stabs at programs for
poor and randomly heartless budget
cuts, as in mental hcalth, he ended up
(ministering, indeed expanding, the
liberal program of the most liberal state
in the union. He did that begrudging-
ly—aáand only in his second term, when
his back was against the wall—because
of the pressures Irom Democrats and even
liberal Republicans. As the editor of
Ramparts then, I was among those who
found much to criticize. But recently. I
s surprised to find Reagan more 1
ble on the “social issues" than one

son
would have expected from his public

pronouncements. He also can be qui
genial, as in this exchange

scneer: Why are you willing to
me? Why aren't you more uptight?

k to

REAGAN: Well, because—why does a
cher preach?
I's an amazing encounter for

ause you seem relaxed, you don't

RE. No, I'm not, but I remember
this also: When I was a New Deal Demo-
cat, I remember somehow that it was
easier to dislike than to like. There
seemed to be something about liberalism
that worked better if you were kept
angry and worked up.

SCHEER: And yet up on your public plat-
forms, you convey a more hostile, nastie
image than you do right now.

REAGAN: Well, let me give you a few
things that I haven't mentioned up there
on the platform to further confuse the
image. As you know, I succeeded a ve
liberal governor, Pat Brown. As far as
his record on minorities went, I found
out that it was all talk. I appointed more
blacks to executive positions than all the
previous governors in California put to-
gether. And yet J was the conservative.
When I put through humane prison re-
forms, 1 was told my liberal predecessor
couldn't have done it because he would
have been scen as soft on crime. I'm sure
a lot of people think that would have
been so foreign to my image that—well,
I didn’t leave my former party; my party
left me.

SCHEER: But when you're up on that
platform, why don't you say, "I was
govemor of a state for eight years that
did more to house, feed, clothe its c
zens than any other state"?

REAGAN: Probably because today some of
those things have become so costly and

beyond control that people now want to

know that somet be done about
that. I've often said that my compassion
was just broader than that of some of
the liberals. It's easy to have compassion
for the downtrodden, the people on wel-
all feel sorry for those people.
But what about a little compassion for
the worker who's getting up in the
morning, going to his job, paying his
bills, sending the kids to school, trying
to keep up with his taxes, cont
to his church and charity.
makes the whole damn system work?
"That's the difference between me and the
liberal.

fare; we

б
in California, the defmition of
dden has been very broad. The
al role of the Golden State has
ty of the ethnic

But
downtr
histori
been to absorb the рохе
Northeastern. working-class slums, the
whites of the Great Plains dust bowl and
the Decp South rural black poor. No
state in the union has been more gen
ous in providing supporting social serv-
ices to those immigrants from the rest of
America than California, whether it was
administrated by Democrat or Republi-
can, by Pat Brown or Ronald R.
ilornia gubernator
n promises "to squeeze and cut
and trim until we reduce the cost of
government” stand in absurd contrast to
the fact that he signed two separate
billion-dollar tax increases that were the
highest in the state's history. Tom Goff,
then the Los Angeles Times Sacramento
bureau chief, who covered the Reagan
administrations, summed up the eight
years in saying, "Government plays a
larger role in the life of every Californi-
an today than it did ht ye
Taxes—both state and local—are higher
than they ever have been. The cost of
government, in dollars budgeted by the
state each year, has more than doubled."
Golf concludes that Reagan had only
one lasting accomplishment, in the area
of welfare reforms. But the price he
paid—at the insistence of a Democratic
legislature—for more stringent eligibility

s ago.

requirements was the doubling of bene-

fits to those millions who remained on
ihe rolls, and the overall cost of thc
program actually increased.

The rest of Reagan's cuts in. govern-
ment largess succeeded more as a matter
of rhetoric than of reality. In his first
year, he made headlines by ordering а
ten percent cut in all state-agency Dudg-
ets but, instead, ended in signing a
budget that was ten percent more than

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that of his predecessor, the free-spending

Brown.

made a big deal of attacking
s mental-health prog his
comments on it and its participants
were heartless, but he ended by revers-
ing himself on the cuts.

The governor gained a national rep-
utation for his extreme attacks on the
university system but, at the end of Rea-
“The sim-
ins that state funding for

of California and the
ges and universities. actually
ed about 100 percent during
s, while funding for gen-
ons has increased only
50 percent." Nonetheless, his rhetorical
attacks on the un! г
toll, As ВШ Во

ple fact rem
the University

state coll

sity system suffered gr
cy but

of government regulation but signed the
Democratic-controlled le
on air and water q
the powerful state energy comm
and providing for higher smog controls
than the Federal standards. Wa

ment for environmental-imp:
on all state construction projects.
d with Carter's reign in the

Mickey Mouse state of Georgia, Reagan's

administration se most a case of so-
Gialism in our time. As Governor Jerry
Brown said to me during the New

Hampshire primar late-
the most progressive sta
d now he’s camp:
ary."
n did those things because Cali
Democrats, and some Republi-
cms, badgered him into it. The fiery
gubernatorial campaigns
lo a spirit of realistic
compromise. So much so that one Re-
publican cri charges up
the hill by di ats under the
cover of n
There were also times w the
now, he seemed less than serious about
the business of governing—what with his
nine-to-five schedule and frequent out-ol-
trips. His lack of attention to de-
(ай may be illustrated by the famous
California bill that liberalized abortion
by accepting the mother's hi
duding
abortion. К
ly in oppositi
murder," and is

ng like a

ic said, "Re

tow!

only reason he signed the bill
he wasn't fully certa mplica
tions, despite great controversy and ex-
tensive legislati

abortion bill that 1
signed —it was a bitter fight. There was
no right-to-life movement or anything. It
was in 1967, my first year in office, and,
naturally, there was the usual bitter
fight—on the one side, predominantly
led by the Catholic Church. Now, I had
never thought. about abortion, or given
it any kind of thought as an issue prior
to that time. I happen to be Protestant,
so it had not been a part of, brought
up in my religion, and so forth, and a
legislator, now who
authored the bill, was going for, literal-
ly, abe

So ! did a lot of rea nd soul-
searching on this. I finally came to the
condusion that the only justification їп
our Judaco-Christian society is selde-
fense. I came back to them and said I
could sign a bill that was based on that,
to save the mother's life. Now, the issue
came up, what about health, permanent
So I agreed to that, with prov
there would be, in a hospital,
a committee of doctors who would join
the presiding physician in the determina-
tion that permanent health was at risk.
And, of course, that led to—that did not
include mental health. They happencd
10 have me there. . . . I said, "OK, I will
make health general. all of ii Now,
there never was anything in there that
permitted abortion on demand, but what
has happened to that abortion law is

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239

PLAYBOY

240

that the safeguards, that I thought were
in the legislation, are regularly violated
an unethical way by various groups of
professionals.

.
The confusion Reagan displayed in
his handling of the abortion issue as
governor has continued to plague him
during the campaign, as illustrated by
the many misstatements of [act and sta-
tistics the press only recently pointed
out—but of which he has been guilty for
years on the stump. A close aide to Rea-
fded to me, “Don't worry, as
President he'll be better briefed.”

But one man who has briefed him in
the past says, "He's been on the rubber-
ing circuit too long to let
the facts get in the way of a good one-
liner.”

(In a February 1952 speech to the
Hollywood Advertising Club, Reagan,
then president of the Screen Actors
Guild, announced: "Hollywood is not
the Babylon it has been made out to be.
Seventy percent of our workers are mar-

ried and have children and 70 percent
of these are married to their first wives.
Our divorce rate is 29.9 percent. while
nationally divorces average 40 percent."

so went on to point out that "com-
munism is infinitesimal in the motioi
picture industry."

Then, as now, Reagan was reassuring
American. businessmen that communism
could be stopped. that the moral fiber of
the country was strong and that all
would bc well if we kept the old family
virtues intact.

It bothered none of his listeners that
two weeks after that speech. the divorced
actor married his second wife. Nor that
he had his statistics wrong—the national
divorce rate at the time was less than
that in Hollywood, not more, as h
claimed it was. Believe what 1 say. not
what I do, and don't let's haggle over
the facts, Then, as now, people loved it.)

Reagan loves the sound of his own
and he works hard for the ap-
se. During the 1980 campaign, he
ue to use erroneous infor-

Y
pli
would conti;

"But, before continuing, I suggest
we get on a first-name basis.”

ation that worked with crowds, even
ter he had been told it was wrong. For
aple, his claim that a Government
study showed that Alaska had greater
potential of oil than the known reserves
of Saudi Arabia. Those of us wave
with I soon discovered that he had
gonen the report wrong, and press aide
п Lake conceded it. But Reagan had
grown too fond of the line to diop it
and claimed to his aides t it was based
on a newspaper clipping that he had
picked up somewhere but could no
longer find.

The sloppiness is h . but it is
missed by admirers as proof that he
is his own man, not the carefully pro-
gramed product of advisors, as happened
in the Carter. phena ion. There is
charming fumbling quality to Reagan's
ags stuffed

hears from those shaking his h

ceptions stuffed into his brain. The use

of this "data" becomes less charming
when it supports one scapegoat theor

another to explain the source of our
problems. The bumbling scptuage
n then becomes the effective demagog
whipping wp the passions of a public
that is confused, frustrated and ripe for
the clarity of his positions, even when
they are totally without foundation.

Reagan's sloppiness has caused him to
be viewed with suspicion by the elite
ortheastern wing of the Republican
ty, probably less for what he did as
governor than because they doubt his
stability or fear that he may actually
believe in some of his proposals for
dismantling the Federal Government.
which, after all, does serve the interests
of big corporations. His proposal to re-
turn us to the gold standard must have
been viewed as primitive by the econo-
mists at Chase Manhattan. Nor can the
managers of multir
who have done quite well in a complex
and changing world, be terribly sanguine
about his sledgehammer nostrums for
the world's problems. Those gentlemen
are internationalists par excellence—
world statesmen more interested
ting deals with the Russians th
holy crusade against them.

Unlike Carter and Nixon, Re
never made the journey back East to the
centers of power to demonstrate his r
sonableness, So the fear in those quarters
persists that he may be a primitive
isolationist.

an has

Prior to the New Hampshire primary,
David Rockefell convened a secret
meeting of likeminded | Republicans

imed at developing a strategy for stop-
ping Reagan by supporting Bush and,

iling that, getting Gerald Ford into the
race. Reagan heard about the mecting
vas, according to one aide, “really
hurt" This aide reports that Reagan
turned to him and demanded, “What

have they got against me? I support big

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PLAYBOY

242

oil, I support big business, why don't
they trust me?" The aide suggested
charitably that maybe it was because he
was once an actor and that he attended
too few important lunches in the East.
In any event, when Reagan scored his
resounding triumph in New Hampshire
in Febru the overtures to the East
began to work. New York establishment
lawyer Bill Casey, who became campaign
director the day of the New Hampshire

victory, began dges and
promising that a more moderate Reagan
would emerge alter the Republican
convention,

The problem with the creation of a
moderate Reagan after the convention
will be with R n himself. His p
vious campaign manager, Scars, tried to
do it during the primaries; and Reagan
got so confused in the attempt to appear
ned and reasonable that he
becam iculate. He fired Scars. went
back to being his old outrageous self and
wooed them in the Southern states. Wi
liam Buckley once likened Reagan to
William Jennings Bryan, and there is
something to that. He is far more effec
live as a demagogic speaker than he
would be in the role of head of state. He
is happiest with right-wing rhetoric and
miserably plodding in any effort to ex
press а more complex sentiment. 1 saw
that one day in April when he went

straight from a rousing rally in North
Carolina, where he had them on their

feet and seemed to know what he was
talking about, to а stumbling perform-
nce before the American Society of
Newspaper Editors in which he might
just as well have stuck his prepared
speech into his ear. He was afraid of
that crowd, not because they were more
liberal than the electorate—they may not
bc—but because he feared them sot

There is to Reagan a sense of g
intellectual and social inferiority, born
of the fact that he does not have the
educati ials or broad range
of knowledge thought by some, includ-

g most editors, to be a prerequisite for
the Presidency. He ипсез the
names of world leaders and gets cou
tries in the wrong hemispheres. He pre-
fers to stick to the simple slogans about
the welfare state and godless commu-
nism, because to venture into any great-
cr complexity might prove acutely
embarrassing, as it often has when he
tied it, be it in a discussion of his
proposed blockade of Cuba or farm-
price parity. He is painfully aware ol
the gaps in his knowledge and, for that
reason, prefers to stick to his sure-fire
one-liners. And the best ones—because
he is a true believer on this—have to
do with his at

The emotio:

al high point of a Ri
in campaign speech comes with hi
speated charge that détente is a f:
nd that we have been sandbagged by
the Russians, To hear him, one would

not know that our gross national product
is twice that of the Soviets or that they
have suflered immense reversals through-
out the world, particularly with the loss
of their influence in China
Reagan's speeches about the Eu
godless communism are straight out of
the Fifties and would have an absurdly
archaic ring to them were it not for the
equally absurd positions that Jimmy
Carter took to increase his standing in
the polls—positions that have made
Reagan seem suddenly credible.

Carter's overreaction to the Soviet
Afghan intervention gave Reagan the
opening he needed, and the clephant
went charging through. Carter had sai
that Afghanistan represented the gre:
crisis since World War Two, imply:
that it was a greater breach of inter-
national ctiquette than the Berlin block
ade, the Korean war, the crushing of the
Hungarian revolution and the invasion
of Czechoslovakia. That's all Reagan
needed to hear to dust off his rhetorical
guns and go blasting away at this dé-
tente business, which he always thought
was a trick of some sort. If the Russi
were as bad as Carter now had it, how
could the President have pushed for the
SALT agreement? How could he have
bandoned trusted anticommunist allies
like the shah in Iran or the government

of T How could he dwell on hu-
man rights and nonproliferation of nu-
clear weapons when he should have

anticommunist
necessary ally for
eddon? Carter had
some of the rage felt
over the hostages in Iran to the Soviets
in Afghanistan and, as we moved
through the spring primaries, it almost
seemed as if we were boycouing the
Olympics in an effort to free the hos-
tages. Suddenly, the relative equanimity
ol detente was out and the old devil
theories of communism were in. And
that, for Reagan, is a piece of cake—he
never believed they were anything other
than monsters, anyway, as he states in
the following exchange with me:

scien: The last time I talked to you,
you said that no President of the United
es should rule out the possibility of
pre-emptive nuclear strike in a poten-
1 confrontation [with the Russians]
Now. would that include the possibility

been backing any
tator he could find as
ihe future. Arm
E ged to shift

of a pre-emptive nuclear strike by the
United States?
REAGAN: WI is that the

United States should never put itself i
a position, as it has many times, of gi
antecing to an enemy or a potent
enemy what it won't do. For example,
when President Johnson, in the Vict
mam war, kept over and over again in-
sisting, “Oh, no, no, no, we'll never usc
nuclear weapons in Vietnam." Now, I
don't think nuclear weapons should
have been used in Vietnam, | don't
think they were needed; but when some-

body's out there killing your young men.
you should never free the enemy of the
concern he might have for what you
might do. Sce, you may feel that way in

your heart, but don’t say it out loud to
kin: sc,
scurer: Do you believe that we could

survive a nuclear war?
REAGAN: No, because we have let the
ians get strong and we have let them
plate the agreement.
But les say we
them again. Do you think we could
survive a nuclear war? With the right
underground shelter systems, with the
ight defense systems, could we survive
one?
REAGAN: Tt would be a survival of some
of your people and some of your facili-
ties that you could start again. Tt would
not be anything that I think in our
society you would consider acceptable.
but then, we have a different regard for
human life than those monsters do.
scnerr: How did the Chinese stop being
monsters? I mean. they were on a par.
at least, with the Russians hery
and monstrous deeds. supposed to have
killed 20,000,000 ol the people.

zer: Fifty million don't think the
ns have killed 50.000.000 of the
people—when did the Chinese stop
being monsters?

REAGAN: 1 don’t know that they have.
SCHEER: And yet we're talking about
having an alliance with them.

c were hoping that
ough time and through their animus
and fear of the Soviet Union, maybe
they'll become more like us. People who
have gone there say there is indication—
that they're trying to improve the situ
tion and that they allow more hu
rights for their people.

SCHEER: Why couldn't the Soviet Un

change in the way the Chinese have?
REAGAN: Have the Chinese changed? 1

don't know. The Chinese people are
still the victims of tyranny.
.

In such private interviews, Rea
states his positions mauter-ol factly, w
no apparent sense that the future of civi
lization may hang in the balance. He
comes on like a friendly but determined
coach who says if we want to win in
the second half, we've got to go all the

This, some
assuring thing

e. even in foreig,
his public rhetoric

alifornia—and that, anyway, he was
ninetofive governor" who left run
g the state to a bevy of "reasonable
aides.”

But it was one thing to verbally shoot
(concluded on page 248)

“Heck, up in the Yukon, this stuff was worth a lot more than gold!”

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beer i

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useful information —from the interconnecting worlds of technology,
parapsychology and social science —to help you enjoy the future

The Eighties may well be the decade
of the scientist superstar, if the sud-
den popularity of Durk Pearson is any
indication. He graduated from
Massachusetts Institute of Tech-
nology in 1965 with a degree
in physics and scored in the
highest percentile in the United
States for that year’s graduate
record exam. Putting his genius-
range 1.О. to work, he started а
scientific consulting business in-
volving him in aerospace, energy
and life-extension research. But
his most exciting discoveries
have come from his 12 years of
research into life science, aimed
at allowing a human being to
live to 150 years with the phys-
ical and mental agility of some-
one in the prime of life. Durk
“went public’ when the Merv
Griffin show found him by ac-
cident; and after a dozen na-
tional television appearances, he
has become the largest male
draw in the history of that show,
resulting in a publishing contract
and several high-budgeled consulting
assignments from major corporations
such as General Mills.

Los Angeles writer Peter Barsocchini
caught Durk in one of his not-inlre-
quent lalkative moods and recorded
the following interview. As you'll see,
Pearson suggests lascinaling scientific
ways to improve both your intelligence.
and (seriously, Sammy) your sex life.
PLAYBOY: Evidently, you've seen the fu-
ture, but you're still smiling. Why?
PEARSON: Because there are many fu-
tures, not a single future for everyone.
If you take the attitude that all the
problems we face for the future must
be solved by society, then, yes, your
outlook is bleak, because the Govern-
ment has a lousy track record in solving
major problems, But when you consider
the options available to you as an in-
dividual, the future looks brighter. For
instance, pollution is a major problem.
But you can turn a stage-three smog
alert into a stage-one alert simply by
taking extra vitamin E on a smoggy day.

I know that I can tamper with the
aging clock in my body, by using vita-
mins and nutrients, and significantly

DURK PEARSON

LIVING WELL PAST 2001

increase my life expectancy. 1 see по
reason, unless | get hit by a bus. why I
shouldn't live to be at least 150 years

has been widely used to preserve foods
such as potato chips and cereals, but
it has also been found to be a powerful
anti-oxidant for the human

old, with a healthy body and quick
mind all the way. The future for life ex-
tension is incredibly exciting, real and
nearby. Our future in space is also
truly great. By the mid-Nineties, we will

"I can tamper with aging by
using vitamins and nutrients.
I see no reason why I
shouldn't live to be 150."

have spaceships that should be able to
reach Mars in two or three weeks. No,
| see an exciting future and | plan to
be around for it.

PLAYBOY: Do rats cringe whenever you
walk into a lab, or do you test your
liie-extension theories on yourself?
PEARSON: My research associate, Sandy
Shakocius, and 1 have done more test-
ing on ourselves than on lab rats or any
other kind of animals. We have been
testing life-extension theories on our-
selves since 1968. In fact, it was an arti-
cle by Ernest Havemann in PpıAvBov
that aroused our interest in the use of
BHT as a life-extension nutrient. BHT

body. As the human body ages,
essential mechanisms oxidize,
like a car slowly rusting out, and
BHT helps prevent this. We
take six grams of it a day. We
also started taking large doses
of other anti-oxidants, like vita-
mins C, E, A, Bı, Bs, Bc, PABA,
selenium, and a long list of
other vitamins, minerals and
nutrients. We've had literally
hundreds of tests run to deter-
mine the effects of our program,
and so far, the results are all
positive. For instance, | had a
liter of blood drawn recently
for some tests. Now, normally
the body can't give up that
much blood without a signifi-
cant loss of blood pressure. The
veins lose their elasticity as we
age and we can't pump that
much blood. Well, the doctor
took my blood pressure before
and after and there was no significant
change. That happens only in, say, an
18-year-old male athlete in peak con-
dition. A 23-year-old athlete couldn't
pull that off. And I'm a 36-year-old
rather sedentary scientist. So 1 seem to
have the cardiovascular system of
someone half my age. My skin is two.
to three times more resistant to ultra-
violet rays than most people's. My body
destroys hydrogen peroxide ten times
faster than other people's bodies.
PLAYBOY: If one doesn't want to spend
all his waking hours popping vitamins,
what's the best thing we can do for our
bodies to ensure a long, healthy life?
PEARSON: Don't be obese. Obesity sup-
presses the immune and repair systems
of the body. Stay away from large doses
of sugar, particularly before bedtime.
Even if you do lead a "clean, healthy”
life, you'll add only a few years to your
life. If you want to live an unnaturally
long life with unnaturally good health,
you just have to do unnatural things
to your insides. If taking some vita-
mins and nutrients after meals and
before bedtime seems like too much

trouble, think what a nuisance it is to 245

get up from the table and wash the
dishes. Put the benefits of life-extension
programs in that kind of perspective
and it might seem easier. Just increas-
ing your C, E, A and B vitamins can
offer enormous benefits.
PLAYBOY: Do you have any suggestions
for someone who wants to get smarter
without studying? Particularly come
exam time?
PEARSON: You can go into a health-food
store and buy any number of substances
that can fairly be called “smart pills.”
For example, in normal young people,
an oral dose of ten grams of choline
improves memory and serial learning.
Choline is a nutrient found in meat,
eggs and fish, and it can be purchased
їп most health-food stores. Three
grams a day is reasonable for adults.
Lecithin is perhaps even more effec-
tive than choline in raising the acetyl-
choline level in the brain, and it can
be expected to improve memory and
learning. Two to ten grams a day of
RNA, found in any health-food store,
is a good memory booster. Vitamin Bis
is good brain food, as well. In terms of
prescription drugs, Diapid nasal spray,
made by the Sandoz company, is a
synthetic version of vasopressin, a hor-
mone produced by the pituitary gland.
Vasopressin is a stimulant of memory
and learning, and medical researchers
have shown it to be useful in restoring
memory to amnesia patients; men in
the 50s and 60s have also improved
their concentration, motor rapidity and
memory with the use of Diapid.
PLAYBOY: Can you take a pill at breakfast
and be smarter by lunch?
PEARSON: Yes, you can take a squirt of
Diapid with breakfast and benefit by
it before the dishes are done. You see,
it is involved with natural memory
mechanisms that function fine when
you are a youngster, but as you age,
those chemicals are in smaller quan-
tities. Adding vasopressin, a swiftly
acting stimulant, helps. Interestingly,
cocaine releases vasopressin from the
pituitary gland, but its side effects lead
me not to recommend it as memory
enhancer.
PLAYBOY: Can you cook up something
in the lab to perk up one’s sex life?
PEARSON: Sure. For one, Diapid increases
the duration and intensity of orgasms.
I use it all the time. Many older people
who take choline suddenly get hornier.
By the way, Diapid has a half life of
about two hours; you can't take it in
the morning and count on a big night.
PLAYBOY: Will it be possible in the near
future to take, say, a 53-year-old man

246 who has led a rich, full life of wine,

women and song, and reverse the
pation that might have caused?
PEARSON: I've done it. | know a Chicago
attorney in his mid-50s who was ro-
tund and rich in equal proportions.
By going on a modified version of our
life-extension formula, he lowered his
cholesterol level and blood pressure
and is in the best shape of his life.
That's just taking 25 percent of what
we take. And he still eats in gourmet
restaurants every night. His doctor is
flabbergasted, and very impressed.
PLAYBOY: What is going to be the next
great scientific breakthrough?

PEARSON: Regeneration. Cloning. We
know the basic way of doing it. Before
the year 2000, | think a paraplegic will
be able to grow four new limbs. If you
have a bad heart, you will be able to
grow a new one. Genetic engineering
is the next great breakthrough.

iss

SPACE WATCH
On the Other Hand,
Did the Alien Carry a Passport?
With the NASA space shuttle sched-
uled for launch sometime next year,
we're obviously at the dawn of an age
in which the common man will become

a spaceman. Robert Haag of Tucson,
Arizona, is one common man who's
been ready to go for years. One night,
while lying abed thinking of planet
hopping, he wondered: How would |
identify myself if | ran across alien
critters out there?

Light bulb. "It hit me," Haag says,
"that I'd need a passport.” Since none
are available from official sources as
yet, he designed his own with the help
of an artist friend, Jim Jacobson. “Hours
of research went into its design to make
it as useful as possible to the potential
space traveler,” Haag says.

The eight-page passport includes the
customary lines for personal identifica-
lion and a few extras, such as "space
habitat," dock and ship numbers and a
space-travel and alien-encounter log.
It also includes material designed to
identify earthlings to any aliens they
might bump into.

On the back cover, a solar-system
"signature map" shows the location of
Earth and relates its distance from the
sun to the speed of light. Aliens could
get a vague idea of human anatomy
from the drawing of a nude family next
to the spot reserved for the bearer's
pictures. Done in the same puritanical
style as the drawings of human figures
NASA included on its Voyager plaque,
it may leave a knowledgeable alien in
some doubt, however, as to how we
reproduce.

A myriad of symbols, from ancient
alphabets to computer number systems,
adorn the inside back cover, "in the
hope that one or more will be recog-
nizable." The alphabets include ancient
Phoenician, Greek, Mayan and cunei-
form. And, "Just in case there's some-
thing to UFO theorist Erich von
Däniken’s ancient-astronaut theories,”
says Haag, he added several other
drawings.

One shows the Plain of Nazca, which
Von Daniken theorized may have been
a landing strip for spacemen who
visited Earth eons ago. If aliens don't
recognize that, they may be able to
identify the drawing of “a mysterious
ancient artifact which resembles a mod-
ern jet fighter,” a scarab or a Brittany
hill sketch. If they'd fly a light-year for
a Camel, they'll surely recognize the
three pyramids included—and if Von
Däniken’s right, they may remember
building them.

Now, to some, Haag's passport may
seem a bit premature, but Haag says
not at all. "Boeing has said it could
operate the space shuttle profitably,
and many people have sent requests to
NASA for tickets to ride it. | say no
human should leave the planet without
the passport. You might encounter any-
thing in space. Why be vaporized for
lack of recognition?"

Haag sells the passports for five dol-
lars (a small price to pay to avoid vapor-
ization, yes?); they're available from the
Space Passport Office—Earth, P.O.
Box 27527, Tucson, Arizona 85726. EB

CONTRIBUTORS

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nd Allan Maurer

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247

THE REAGAN QUESTION

(continued from page 212)

from the hip as governor. attacking wcl-
fare recipients and. students.

another to dismiss on
adversaries (and even one's friends,
in the case of China) as monsters.
scary. He savors
isions by himself,
albeit based on his aides one-page
memos sui ious options,
he prides cting decisively.
As Nancy once said, “He doesn’t make
snap decisions, but he doesn't tend to
overthink, either.” In California. thi
led to pronouncements of courses of ac-
tion that had to be quickly reversed. But
can sudden foreign-policy decisions be
reversed so easily?

Reporter Boyarsky, who wrote the
incisive book The Rise of Ronald
Reagan, As governor, Reagan used
to revel in confrontations with dissident
students. It makes me wonder now how
he would act as President in any con-
ntation on the world scene—in the
ng of hostages, for example.
After one Reagan tirade on the hus-
gs in North Carolina, I turned to
TV reporter who had covered him е

sively in Sacramento and asked, "Is
guy going to blow up the world:
The reporter’s reply was, "Only if he

vs the morning after and a strange
B | lady is asleep in his bed with a smile
on her lips. Pleased but puzzled,
he struggles to recall the details of the
night before, but his hung-over brain
cells won't cooperate. Luckily, we've re-
corded the highlights; unluckily, our
photographer believes in only
close-ups. At any rate, see how you score;
Simply identify the 15 objects or events
pictured up close that had a role in this
passion pl

PLAYBOY

SEDUCTION
DEDUCTION ———

gets the opportunity between nine and
five БЕЛГШЕП
Later, I asked Reagan about it Zu

SCHEER: What about the commonly held
fear among those who distrust you—are
you going to push the button? Are you
going to get us blown up? Are you going
to get us into a nuclear war?
REAGAN: I've known four wars in my
lifetime. I've been in only one of them,
but, no, I don't want one. But what
I've seen about all these wars is that
we've gone into them every time through
weakness . . . Am I a warmonger for
saying, "Look, the answer is to newer
let an enemy believe you lack the will to
ther t beyond which
you will not buy peace at any price—
that is slavery and humiliation"?
D

It's true that Nixon came in with a
reputation not unlike Reagan's, as а
hysterical Southern California anti-Com
nd he broadened contact with
and China. Perhaps Reagan
would do likewise, though I just cannot.
imagine it. Nixon was always an oppor-
tunist, testing the winds of conventional

s the marks of a

wisdom; but. Reagan 1
true believer. He acts like a man who
is captive of his own phrases, and it

not altogether reassuring to watch

1 solemnly when North Carolina
Senator Jesse Helms introduced him one
night by saying, “Perhaps God is giving
us one last chance.

248 Ba

PHOTOS BY ROGER ALLYN LEE р
Close encounter

On Ihe cose

Oft me hook

Perect march

Answer on page 250.

249

PLAYBOY

250

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Answers Jo puzzie on page 248.

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stick in drink

2. The feet of dancing
man and woman

3. Diamond earring
ineariobe

4. Car-doorhandie

5 Apartment-door
lock and key

6. Stereo stylus

7. Light switch turned off
8, Cleavage

9. Zipper descending
10. B'a nook

11. Brth-control-pill
container

12. Kissing mouths
13 Pillow
14. Twohips

15. Cigarettes in ashtray

GIRLS OF HAWAII

(continued from page 153)

“То many of these girls, nudity is no big thing,’
observed Associate Photography Editor Jeff Cohen.”

damoring to "surrender their persons,
nor is everybody running around Maui
unclothed. But much of the islands’ tra-
dition of hospitality remains—as. does

their inhabitants’ lack of reticence
their bodies. Maybe the w
something to do with it, but PLAYBOY

. scouting for this feature, found.
most girls of Hawaii have a posi-
ttitude toward their bodies.

“To many of these girls, nudity is just
no big th observed Associate. Pho-
phy Editor Jeff Cohen, who coor-
ed the project.

An idea of Hawaiian ladies respon
siveness may be gathered [rom the fact
»lulu radio station KORL
(boy Wahine Search for

»pe:
3) voung women

applicants
zine

parison, when two years ago the Gr
Playmate Hunt went to New York
tity—which has a population 23 limes
yeater than that of Honolulu—in search

aniversary Playmate, 421
s were received. And that
you'll remember, carried the

tantalizing prospect of a $25,000 bonus!
‘The hospitality noted by the aforemer

© was assassinated by those same hos-
ns; that was due to a
misunderstanding over his position in
the pantheon of gods—is also responsi-
ble for the most noteworthy fe
Hawaiian hood, its strikingly
of racial

apanese

pitable Hawa

thought it set a bad exa
hood bills failed in Coi
times, The 50th
ee

ally Hew the
n flag on July 4, 1060.
nce then, more and mor
term denoting foreigners
taken to mean whites—

ave settled

Haw mong the dark-haired,
dark- ves we find a gencrous

smatteri
ers, some of whom themselves now feel
like kamaaina, or old-timers. Take Holl

a local lady of
decided to stay

simple, very primitive.”

born Nicole Ericson first
visited H. in 1970 with her father,
actor John Ericson, who was om tour
"Today she actually commutes from Los
Angeles to Oahu. An actress herself. she
has appeared in Hawaii Five-O
Eight [s Enough, as well as in live
theater.

In contrast. Shell nother Ha-
wal we iter: n trace her
ancestry back on one side то a shipload
of early missionaries and on the other to
a greatgrandfather who “just happened
to get off the ship lı
around the world in

gre
y in the Amer-
maternal grandfather
Fred B. Sutter, was a descendant of Cali-
ja pioneer John Augustus Sutter.

give up trying to break my ancestry

into percentages,” she says, "but Fm
1 Choctaw, Blackfoot, English,
nch, Cherokee, Gi Swiss,

and Dutch.”
issa Matthews’ parents and grand-
parents were all born in the islands;
they're a mixture of Ha
Irish and Korean blood. C
is now director of a school for disad-
vantaged children on the Big Island.
Elvina Taurua comes from the island
of Moor ster island of Tahiti;
youngest of 15 children of Tahitian-
English-German parents, she was taken
to Hawaii е of seven to be edu-
cated by an n couple who later
adopted her. 1
she speaks three languages: Tahi-
ich and English
McKinley, а Лара haole
sident of Honolulu,
wing up in Hawaii was wonderful.
"There's so much to do outdoors all у
round; 1 was always brown, out
beach, fishing, climbing mango wees and
eating the fr ht off the branch.
There's a real family feeling in Н
too. Everyone helps out:
parents and children live under the same
rool in many cases, Т basically
grew up in an Oriental family, spoke
pidgin among friends and family and
good English in school and on the job.
Being from Hawaii is like weaving а
multicolored tapestry.”
Mahalo nui (many thanks). Pattie
That celebrated literary admirer of the
islands, James Michener, couldn't have

put it better.

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ment To- THE AMA. HOSPITALITY ‘SUITES!
UFERS HOSPITAL SUITE n

ANNIE,
THESE CREDENTIALS
WILL GET YOU INTO

FRIENDLY NEIGHBOR -
HOOD GAS
STATIONS.

PLAYBOY

LEAPIN' LIZARDS...
ME, LITTLE ANNIE FANNY,
ATA PRESIDENTIAL
CONVENTION! NOW 1 KNOW
WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.

IT'S ABOUT FIVE
DAYS IN NEW YORK

CLEAR THE
AISLES AND TAKE
YOUR SEATS.

YOU ARE
"SERVICE 27

PNE РАСК МУ Wy
4 DELEGATION Е

DID You
HEAR

ABOUT
ROSACYNN'S V
SEX LIFE 7
Has то єт N ^ j AK: = TO My PARTY.

| д 2 А \ FREE LIQUID

ANO ARE vou NECEM
1 WANDA ? WHEW! ГУЕ
KIND: OFA DELEGATE 7 DISCUSSING POLITICS
15 A"GOFER"? & X E SINCE FOREVER.
LEADER, TM
5 ING TO I DON'T THINK T
PERSUADE HIN CHANGE! ANION-
THAT. AND, MAIN- TO SHIFT HIS oy JOU PERSUADE im

Ly, 1 GOFER 4 /OTES > ANYBODY WITH YOUR
Б í 1 POLITICAL LOGIC ?

› = і NO, BUT т USED
5 \ ^ THE LOGIC OF LOVE.
0

ALWAYS MAKING TROUBLE! DIDN'T WE TELL YOU TO AT
LEAST wear THE MUSTACHE 7 DIDN'T WE TELL YOU TO
DION'T WE TELL You TO KEEP A LOW PROFILE 2 1 DO DECLARE!

WEAR THE DISGUISE?

HE KEPT A LOW
PROFILE, ALLRIGHT!

("GOOD NIGHT,
WANDA.

PLAYBOY

256

BREWED AND BOTTLED IN CANADA;

5 x ч

d 1h
imported by Martlet Importing Co., Inc., Great Neck, N.Y.

fe [DI کد‎
-THE:-SCETPE

TRAVEL

LIGHTWEIGHT CONTENDERS CARRY ON

or weekend getaways and quickie business trips, carry-on durability and a design that makes every inch count is what to
luggage is the only way to fly. Your gear won't wind up in look for. Most are made of waterproof canvas or a rugged type of
Boise when you're going to Boston, and you can kiss that nylon and often feature shoulder straps and easy-access exterior
queue at the baggage counter goodbye as you breeze by to pockets in which you can stash a few paperbacks. Carry-on soft
be first in the cab line. A lightweight style of bag with plenty of luggage fits nicely into the trunk of a snazzy sports car, too.

Below: The Packet, a compact cotton canvas carry- Below: An 18" x 10%" black
on thal measures 13" x 19" x 8", has a heavy-duty roll bag that's made of
zipper around three sides and a roomy exterior heavy-duly rip-stop para-
pocket, from Lands’ End, Chicago, $35. chute nylon, by Action
Bags, $16.

Above: This water-
proof oxford nylon
traveler duffel is 24”
long and has two
easy-access end pock-
ets, from White Stag.
Camping, Portland,
Oregon, $18.

Right: Cordura nylon Jumbo
Explorer, by Florentine Lug-
gage, $50. Left: Danish
Souperbag of waterproof.
canvas, from The Chocolate 7
Soup, New York, $45.

DON AZUMA

Left: a 19" x 15" i ternational status
heavy-duty nylon satchel symbol—a side-zip duffel of
tote that slightly resembles green Battue nylon with bridal-
a doctor's bag; on one side leather trim, from Hunting
is a zippered pocket, by Delta World, New York, $410; op-
Luggage & Imports, $15. tional shoulder strap, $35.

258

FASHION

HATS APLENTY!

hirty years ago, a man never left home without his fedora.
But the problem was that not everyone looked like Ronald
Colman when he snapped the brim. Then President Ken-
nedy made the simple observation that he didn't feel
comfortable in a hat and the business of making lids virtually died

overnight. Now, however, hats are rapidly being rediscovered,
partially because of our ongoing fascination with Western wear.
The styles in favor today are a far cry from the serious fedora/
Homburg business uniform. So hats off to fun-loving lids that
bring yet another accent to your wardrobe. — DAVID PLATT

Right: Remember 3

when only farmers

wore straw hats? í

Well, step out in this
straw model with a
brown band and
feather, by Miller
Bros., Western, $15,
and look out for a
stampeding herd of
farmers’ daughters.
Far right: You don’t
say no to this evil-
looking dude when
he asks for a light.
And don't say no to
his black lacquered
straw hat, from Jon
Larkin Hats, either,
even though the f
price is $100.

Above: Hats off to this great white hunter who has bagged his prey
with thislambskin suede safari hat ringed with a pleated band, by
Dobbs Hats, about $58. Right: The perfect hat for watching the dawn
come up like thunder over China—a natural hand-blocked raffia
model with knotted rawhide band, by Makin Hats, Ltd., about $23,
that’s designed to be worn with the brim turned down.

Right: It looks as
though the lady has
takena shine to this

flipped lid—an
iridescent cotton!
nylon Western hat
with an iridescent
nylon herringbone
band, by Miller
Bros., Western, $18,

our guy is just one
more good-looking
face strolling down
the avenue. Add a
chapeau, however,
such as this jaunty
wool felt dress model
with a braided leather
band accented with

a feather, by Adams
Hats, $15, and he's
definitely the cock

of the walk.

Right: More than one
kind of action takes
place under quilts,
case in point being
this nylon/ciré.
quilted hat with
matching band and
an adjustable chin
strap for keeping it
on in high winds or
out of the clutches
of hat-fancying
females, by Miller
Bros., Western, $15.

DAVID
PLATT'S
FASHION
TIPS

If you're shopping for a tai-
lored suit or sports coat this fall,
look for one on which the front
buttons have been considerably
lowered; in some cases, to just
above the waist. That affords
more exposure of the shirt and
tie or, more to the point, of
contrasting sweaters, vests, elc.,
which will be worn increasingly
for layered looks.
E
Expect men's designer jeans
soon to be available in colors
from brights to pastels. Teamed
with a tweed sports coat, they're
a stylish yet inexpensive alter-
native to the classic denim look.

tary and sur-
vival chic. Now comes industrial
chic, with such oddball wear-
ables as airline maintenance
jackets showing up far from run-
ways and hangars. Aside from
looking funky, these coats are
exceptionally well made, de-
signed for ease of movement
and provide superb protection
from the elements.
E

Another way to vary your
wardrobe—especially if you're
young—is to wear sweaters,
sweat shirts, elc. inside out.
Sometimes a boldly patterned
garment will take on a softer look
on the reverse side. Just remem-
ber to remove the label first.

As a way to get more mileage
from your three-piece suits, try
wearing the vest of one suit with
another suit. For example, the
vest from a glen-plaid model
can add flair to a gray-flannel
style. Some mixes are unex-
pectedly successful. Experiment!

Experienced travelers will tell
you it is а good idea to take a
fresh shirt, tie, underwear, socks
and a toiletry kit in your carry-on
bag. Add à pair of lightweight
slip-on shoes and a sweater
and you might not even need
a suitcase.

259

Supertunerll.
Lightning strikes again.

At last. features like Auto Reverse
Anew к, with Automatic Tape Slack
Supertuner “¥ ы СапсеПег, an exclusive.

with FM
reception so SEE een
advanced, you « N
simply haveto © 3
hear it to believe it.
Because Super-
tuner || wasnt design-
edjust to sound @
good on paper or

PLAYBOY

in a lab. It was devel- Plus, of course, a com-
oped to sound good in the | plete range of compati-
the real world, in moving cars. | ble speakers. All with
To sort out stations in the \ superb engineering,
stereo jungles of cities. | performance and de-
To pull in stations in thestereo | pendability youll find
wastelands of the open highway. | throughout Pioneers

_| complete line.
Y So if youd like to

hear the best audio
in motion,
see your
Pioneer
auto-
sound
KP-7500 dealer
To adjust for signal changes now.
anywhere. For Super-
So smoothly, you're hardly tuner Il.
aware it's happening. The car
And Supertuner Il isn't just stereo that’s
the good-sounding car stereo. It's taking the
available with advanced cassette world by storm.

TS-698

MPIONEER

The Best Sound Going.

GEAR

TOOTH OR CONSEQUENCES

ou've probably heard the gag about having great teeth
but those rotten gums have to go. Well, dental hygiene is
no joke; if you don't take care oi your choppers, it may be
toot, toot, toothies, goodbye. The good news about tooth
care is that there are so many products on the market that can do
most of the work for you. Waterpulsating devices loosen food

particles that an ordinary toothbrush won't budge. And plaque-
removal gizmos are beneficial to anyone who's a coffee drinker or
a heavy smoker. (Being called Old Blue Eyes is fine, but who
wants to be known as Old Brown Smile?) None of these products
is designed to take the place of regular dental checkups.
Unattended-to cavities are for people with holes in their head.

Below: For ultrabright choppers,
there's the futuristic-looking Tooth
Pro, a rechargeable cleaner/
polisher that comes with four dis-
posable color-coded cleaning
heads and a wall-mounting
bracket, by Porta Pro, $29.95.

Left: The recharge-
able Water Pik
Traveler, a compact
appliance that can be
tucked in the corner.
of your suitcase,
comes with a cord
and two jet tips for
high-pressure and
low-pressure clean-
ing and massage, by
Teledyne Water Pik,
$45.95, including a
good-looking leath-

erene carrying case.

Left: Plak-Chek is a cordless detec-
lion system thal reveals invisible
plaque, from Bristol-Myers, $16.50.
Next to it, an Assist-Dent nonelectric
pulsating dental spray that operates
оп water from a faucet, also from
Bristol-Myers, $20. In front: A
Swiss-made gold-plated toothbrush,
from Chris Craft, Algonac, Michigan,
$10; and a battery-powered polisher,
with four cups, from Hammacher
Schlemmer, New York, $14.95.

261

262

The Chicken Meets the Chicks
The SAN DIEGO CHICKEN was spotted interviewing this great-
looking trio (from left to right): CBS sportscaster JAYNE KENNEDY,
MARY CROSBY of Dallas and Dukes of Hazzard’s CATHERINE
BACH, This was the annual CBS Celebrity Challenge of the Sexes.

LYNN GOLDSMITH

Mirror, Mirror

Off the Wall....
Who wins our celebrity
breast award this month?
NICOLETTE LARSON, who
finally stepped in front of
the mike after years of leg-
endary backup singing for
most of the greats. Welcome
to the front, Nicolette;
we're happy to see you.

Sissy Goes Bananas

We're not going to be shy: is a love note.
Actress/singer SISSY SPACEK talented and
adorable and we think she’s great in Coal Miner's
Daughter. So will the Oscar committee, we bet.

MELINDA WICKMAN

She's Got It on Tape
Punk princess WENDY WILLIAMS of The Plasmatics was rocking
and rolling one night recently when somehow (how do these things
happen?) her top flopped, revealing a hint of electri .

basic black, of course. We can see endless fashion po:

The Man Who Fell to Earth
On his most inventive days, DAVID BOWIE strives for the bizarre and is
usually quite successful The last time we saw him on televi-
sion, he was wearing a smart women’s suit. Here’s Bowie

LARRY BASCHKIN |LARNUS PROOUCTIONS

doubtless explain- ing bisexuality to the natives.
kK Bridge over Blondes Have More Fun
DENT, 4 Untroubled Signs of creeping respectability: Call Me, the hit
vo ag A д” Waters song from American Gigolo, and some upcoming
pa ا‎

Ser TV commercials. Can punk first lady DEBBIE
Sweet Home Chicago's HARRY survive the mainstream? Stay tuned.
Elwood Blues, a.k.a. DAN AYKROYD,

is balanced here on the edge of his new
movie. If you don’t go to see
The Blues Brothers right now,
we hear he's going to
jump. Honest.

264

SEX NEWS

ing wives.‘ Given the rapidly growing
number of wives in the workplace
(about 47 percent of all married wom-
en), we'd say the shrinks are worried
Seventy-one percent of them believe
that extramarital sexual temptation is
Breater among working wives than
among stay-at-homes. Obviously, they
haven't even considered the thousands
of housewives who go to sleep each
night praying for just ten minutes with
Phil Donahue. Fifty-seven percent think
that affairs are more common among
women who work than among
women who don't. But, ladies,
pick up your briefcases, because 70
percent believe that when a marital
sexual relationship improves, it's be-
cause of the working wife's greater
self-respect and happiness. So take that
and put it in your cigarette holder,
Phyllis Schlafly.

KIDS' PLAY

Clinical psychologists in New York
City have turned up evidence that the
female hormone progesterone adminis-
tered in early pregnancy may influence
the masculinity and femininity of chil-
dren's behavior. Use of the drug in
early pregnancy has already been as-
sociated with birth defects, leading the
Food and Drug Administration in 1973
to ban the common practice of pre-
scribing it to prevent miscarriages.
Progesterone also is a major ingredient
in several types of birth-control pills.
Columbia University psychologist Dr.
Anke A. Ehrhardt used psychological
tests and questionnaires and conducted
interviews with children between the
ages of eight and 14 who had been
exposed to progesterone prenatally.
None of the children was found to have
gender-identity problems, but they

PUSSY-WHIPPED

Feminist godmother Betty Friedan
has announced that the macho male has
just about breathed his last. Writing on
American men for Redbook, Friedan

GARRICK MADISON

Just what kind of noshery is this De La
Cruz Deli, anyway? The San Jose, Califor-
nia, eatery’s offering—oral delights
takes a leap beyond service with a smile.

predicted a tidal wave of change in
men's identities—a nation of males
envious of the strong bonds of sister-
hood, mindful of the feminist move-
ment and good and ready for a male
consciousness raising. We hope this
won't require a wardrobe change.

WORK WITH ME, ANNIE

Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality
magazine recorded poll returns from
400 psychiatrists on the subject to work-

For the man or woman who has everything— the stuffed animal that has everything. These
cuddly little fellas maintain an erection for perpetuity, and that's an awfully long time. Pet
Perverts cost $19.95 apiece from Yours, Mine & Ours, PO. Box 561, Dayton, Oregon 97114.

ста;

и?

GARRICK MADISON

registered distinct differences in tem-
perament from control groups. Girls ex-
posed to progesterone were decidedly
less interested in rough-and-tumble play
and were more interested in clothes
and grooming. The effect on boys was
less dramatic: Interest in stereotypical
boys’ toys was slightly less common in
those exposed to progesterone. Slightly
more of them were teased for effemi-
nacy by their friends, while they were
significantly less aggressive toward
their fathers. In previous studies, girls
exposed prenatally to male androgens
(hormones) were inclined to play more

This watercolor, You Get More Salami
with Modigliani, appears in Mel Ramos:
Watercolors (Lancaster-Miller), an an-
thology of the famed pop artist's nudes,
which salute various classical artists.

roughly than other girls. While there
may be physiological reasons the hor-
mones seem to influence girls more
than boys, Dr. Ehrhardt speculates that
social pressure to adhere to sex roles
may be greater for boys than for girls.
Meanwhile, despite the FDA's order
against prescribing the drug in early
pregnancy, in 1978, American doctors
wrote 31,000 progesterone prescrip-
tions for preventing miscerriages. We
suppose you have to start early if
you want to keep women interested
in clothes and out of the profession.

RUBBER DISCO DUCK

In a move to popularize the use of
condoms, Planned Parenthood in Wash-
ington, D.C., invited teenagers to a rub-
ber disco. Kids with condoms got into
the disco at a reduced rate. It turned
out that 95 percent of the teens came
with protection. We hear some slow
learners showed up galoche ЕЙ

The Special
importance of Zinc
Zinc is an essential
trace metal necessary to
digestion, respiration, |
and the normal growth of |
bone and skin. Zinc i
deficiency can play a
major role in poor
appetite or even in the
very taste of food.
Stress Can Increase Your
Essential Need for Zinc
Stress is your body's
reaction to any physical
condition that places an
unusual demand on it,
whether due to physical
overwork, fad dieting, alcohol,
infection, or injury. Recent clinical evidence
indicates that stress can increase your body's
need for zinc.
Stress Gan Rob You of Vitamins
Physicians have long recognized the fact
that stress can greatly increase your body's need
for water-soluble vitamins.
Unlike the fat-soluble vitamins, most of the
water-soluble vitamins are not stored for
emergency use. That's why,

STRESS

1 S i |
we added it to Stresstabs Boe

POTENCY

FORMULA
VITAMINS +

Stress and poor diet. Both ends
of the vitamin candle.

when continued stress
increases your need for
water-soluble vitamins, and
your diet is inadequate,
supplementation may be
needed to avoid a deficiency.
STRESSTABS 600 with Zinc Can Help
STRESSTABS® 600 with Zinc is a high
potency formula that concentrates on the water-
ae vitamins, plus 150% of the U.S. RDA of
inc.
STRESSTABS® 600 with Zinc. The latest
thinking in stress formula vitamins. From

Some Americans
go through life
Without iscovering

Bombay.

They assume one great imported Eng-
lish gin is like another.

Really now.

According to many discerning gin
drinkers, Bombay is a gin without peer. A
gentle gin, made from a recipe that goes
back to 1761 (even before that little fracas)
and from-a unique method of unhurried
distillation we have been in no. hurry to
change to this day.

A suggestion – have your next drink
made with Bombay. Taste the difference
your verdict is favorable, think of the nice
life you have ahead of you

Bombay
The gentle gin

N.Y. Be Prot, 100% grain neutral spiri

NEXT MONTH:

CHEECH, CHDNG x SOUTHWEST GIRLS

“THE NEW RULES OF ROMANCE”—AS WE ENTER A NEW DEC-
ADE, THE GIVENS OF MAN-WOMAN RELATIONSHIPS HAVE
ALTERED, CAN YOU MAKE REAL LIFE ROMANTIC? YOU BET YOUR
LIFE YOU CAN, AND THAT LIFE WILL BE A HELL OF A LOT
MORE SATISFYING. PLUS: “THE ROMANTIC MAN OF THE
EIGHTIES” —WHAT HE'S ALL ABOUT—A THOUGHTFUL ESSAY BY
JOHN SACK

“SILVERFINGER: A PORTRAIT OF NELSON BUNKER
HUNT"—HE MADE HEADLINES A WHILE BACK BY GOING BOOM
AND BUST IN THE SILVER MARKET. BUT WHO IS HE, REALLY? WE
TELL INA REVEALING PROFILE BY HARRY HURT 111

WILLIE NELSON TALKS ABOUT GOOD AND BAD TIMES, HIS
NEW MOVIE CAREER, LIFE ON THE ROAD AND THE ASCENT OF
COUNTRY MUSIC IN A GOOD-OL'-BOY PLAYBOY INTERVIEW

“THE RISE AND DEMISE OF COWBOY CHIC"—SPEAKING OF
WILLIE, IT WAS ALL RIGHT WHEN HE AND WAYLON WORE SHIT-
KICKER BOOTS IN PUBLIC, BUT RALPH LAUREN? JOHN TRAVOLTA?
COUNTRY DISCO? ENOUGH, ALREADY!—BY PLAYBOY'S VERY
OWN STAFF TEXAN, WILLIAM J. HELMER

“STILL LIFE WITH WOODPECKER"’—SPARKS FLY WHEN PRIN-
CESS LEIGH-CHERI AND RADICAL BOMBER BERNARD WRANGLE
MAKE WOWEE ON MAUI. A WHIMSICAL STORY BY TOM ROBBINS

“PLAYBOY'S PIGSKIN PREVIEW" —YOU'VE BEEN WAITING ALL
YEAR FOR THIS ONE, FOOTBALL FANS. OUR FEARLESS FORE-
CASTER TELLS YOU WHO'S ON FIRST (DOWN) IN WHAT COLLE-
GIATE CONFERENCES IN 1980—BY ANSON MOUNT

“GIRLS OF THE SOUTHWEST CONFERENCE"—PLAYBOY'S
EQUALLY FEARLESS PHOTO STAFF BRAVED BOMB THREATS AT
BAYLOR (AND TORRENTS OF APPLICATIONS ELSEWHERE) TO
BRING YOU THE BEST IN REGIONAL COED BEAUTY

“BACK TO CAMPUS”—WHAT THE WELL-DRESSED MAN WILL
WEAR TO CATCH THE EYE OF THE ABOVE (AND GIRLS FROM OTHER
COLLEGES, TOO)—BY DAVID PLATT

“CRAZINESS WITH CHEECH & CHONG"-THE STARS OF
CHEECH AND CHONG'S NEXT MOVIE SEND A PLAYBOY PHOTO
SHOOTING UP IN SMOKE

‘Cou ntry fresh. ;
High smooth ai an d refreshing

Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined

lj у А
Fa xine. 15 mg." ШИШ АГЫТАН MES. That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health
13 mg. nicotine, av. per cigarette by FTC method.

Nee ee

ELBOW BENDING SMIRNOFF STYLE.

“IT’S SO WONDERFUL, ARNIE (THIRTY-FOUR),

THE WAY YOU JUST LIE BACK WITH YOUR хе —4
YELLOW FEVER (THIRTY-FIVE), SAVORING =

EACH LOVELY SIP OF LEMONADE WITH A
SPLASH OF SMIRNOFF IN IT (THIRTY-SIX).
SO PERFECT FOR A LAZY, SUMMER AFTER-
NOON (THIRTY-SEVEN). OH, IT'S SO
RELAXING BEING WITH YOU.”

SIE

'DSTLLED FROM GRAIN

‘STE PERRE SMIRNOFF FLS DIVISION OF HEUBLEIN INC |
HARTFORD CF MADEINUSA
1 1
LEAVES YOU BREATHLESS®

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