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PLAYBOY 


| ENTERTAINMENT FOR La FEBRUARY 1981 + $2.50 


Imagine These x M 
Girls Next Door 


NUTS 
ТЕ DEPARTMENT: 
DDING CARTER'S 
PERSONAL FILE 


- MOTORCYCLES M ELECTRONIC GAMES 


Café 7 


classy coffee 


Cafe 7 will impress the most 
sophisticated tastes. Just add 1% oz. of 
Seagram's 7 toa cup of your favorite 
coffee. Add sugar to taste and top with 
whipped cream. Now that's classy coffee. 
Enjoy our quality in moderation. 


Seagram's 4 Crown 
Where quality drinks begin. , 


YOU DON'T GET TO BE 
THE BEST SELLING IMPORT IN 
MAINE, VERMONT AND ALASKA 
LOOKS ALONE. 


> 
Ps aer s 
wen AD ДЕУ 


“ЕУ үз; 
|. The same goes for Vermont. And 25 2 
| certainly for Alaska. ШЕ 
That's why it’s very, very interest- 
© ing that in all three states the #1 im- 5 
` Ported car is Subaru. ^ 
> Why? Our cars are 
! dependable. Easy on (5) 1 33 y 
‚ gas. And easy to handle. 2 
We make a full ine Ep NEON 
of front wheel drive and |053 mw SE 
On Demand 4-wheel 5 
drive vehicles that can handle almost 
‘anything. 
And on top of being very afford: 
able, they've earned a reputation for 
durability and reliability, Great to have 
no matter where you live. 
In fact, even if you only see snow. 
on television, wouldn't it be great 
to have a car that's over-qual 


f 
v 


AWD WAGON 


Arx 044 
Sch) j à 

Ж тА ESTIMATES FOR OUR 4WD WAGON. USE ESTIMATED MPG FOR COMPARISONS. YOUR MILEAGE MAY DIFFER DEPENDING ON DRIVING SPEED, WEATHER CONE 
DITIONS AND TRIP LENGTH. ACTUAL HIGHWAY MILEAGE WILL PROBABLY BE LESS. (OSUBARU OF AMERICA, INC. 1980. 


KAWASAKI EXPLAII 
BETWEEN A BULLET. 


The bullet. An affectionate term for flat-out 
performance. You remember the Z-1, an explosion 
in superbike technology that revolutionized the 
70's. Unfortunately, others applied that technology 


in ways far more complex than disciplined engineer- 


ing would demand. 
Enter the KZIO00LTD. The difference between 
engineering overkill and brutal simplicity. The 
difference between a monument to excess and a 
motorcycle designed to put you back in touch 


with the true spirit of biking. It's the real difference 
between a bullet and a slug. 

The heart is a bulletproof two valve per cylinder 
design. It's simple to understand, simple to main- 
tain, simple to tune. And it stays in tune. The new 
1000LTD delivers more net horsepower than ever, 
yet it comes in at a lot less weight than its closest 4 
competitor. Not only is the performance improved, ' 


iS THE DIFFERENCE 
AND A — 


but the handling is better as well. For added comfort, 
the engine is supported by rubber mounts that 
reduce vibration. 
The 1000170. Light. Nimble. Reliable. And 

quick. Your Kawasaki dealer has a long list 

of all the advantages. So drop in. Ask a few 
questions. Then let us ask you one of our own: 

“This year, why bite = 
W the bullet, when you 
7 can ride it?” Let the good:times roll. 


No other video cassette recorder 
gives you more than this one. 


RCA SELECTAVISION 650. 


6-hour recording time, 
14-day memory, slow 
motion, fast motion, 
frame-by-frame advance, 
stop action, Automatic 
Rewind, Remote Control 
and Picture Search —all 
important performance 
features. And all available 
with the RCA SelectaVision 
650. 

6-Hour Recording Time— 

The Maximum Available 

Today. 
This is the big time. The new 
RCA SelectaVision 650 can 
record up to 6 hours on a 
single cassette." That means 
fewer interruptions because 
you change cassettes less 
often. It also means saving 
money on tape because you 
can put more shows on a 
single cassette. 
An Unsurpassed 14-Day 
Memory. 

Just program your selections 
into the timer up to two weeks 
in advance. Your RCA 
SelectaVision 650 will 
automatically tum itself on 
and off —and even change 


channels—up to eight 
separate times. So now you 
can be missing from home 
without having missed your 
favorite programs 


RCA Remote Control 
Special Effects —More 
Than Ever Before. 
You can expect a VCR to let. 
you control when and what 
you watch on television. RCA 
SelectaVision 650 lets you 
control how you watch it, too 
— without having to leave 
your chair 

"Thanks to an advanced 
headwheel system, our new 
remote control unit allows you 
to view cassettes in slow 
motion at 1/30 to 1/4 normal 
speed. Or fast motion at 
twice the normal speed. You 


can also advance the picture 
frame by frame and freeze it 
atthe moment of your choice. 
But that's not all. This 
year we've added a new 
Ficture Search mode that 
enables you to review 
cassettes in forward 
or reverse motion at 
high speed so youcan 
locate footage you 
want without having 
the picture go dark 
There are even 
Remote Pause and 
Channel Control 
features for editing 
out unwanted 
programming and 
changing channels — 
even if your television 
set isn't equipped with 
remote control 


Etcetera. Etcetera. 
Etcetera. 


You'll also find a new 
Automatic Rewind that resets 
the cassette when the tape 
reaches the end of either the 
recording or playback 
sequence. Illuminated 


VON 
пел =) 


Let RCA turn your television into 


SelectaVision 


soft-touch controls. And 
exclusive new styling that 
proves a VCR this smart can 
also be beautiful 
We'llletyour RCA Dealer 
tell you the rest. Just ask to 


Simulated TV picture. 


see the new SelectaVision 
650. You can ask for 
something less. But you can't 
ask for anything more. 


“RCA Tape is made lo our own high standards 
to asure picture quality and long Ше Ask 

‘our RCA Dealer for VK 125 (3 hr) and 
For the complete 
оде, write to 
lectronics, Dept 32-312, 
herman Dr, Indianapolis, 


IN 46201 


PLAYBILL 


WHEN THE LATE Georgia Mafia moved into 1600 Pennsylvania 
Avenue four years ago, all the oldline politicos suddenly 
became outsiders. But, you say, that's par for the cou 
а пе istration. True enough. But the difference with 
the € White House was that even some of the new 
insiders w iders. One person with a particularly good 
perspective on why that was the case—and what effect it had 
on the Administration's performance—was Hodding Carter Ill 
(no kin), assistant secretary of state for public affairs dur 
the Jimmy Carter/Oyrus Vance era. This month, 
usually candid memoir, Hodding recounts the pe 
Inside the Carter State Department. To provide an appro- 
priate visual accompaniment, we chose illustrator Arnold Roth. 

Americans used to buy Japanese products bec they 

were cheaper. Now, though prices are higher, we continue to 
buy them. Why? Because they're thought to be better. Con- 
tributing Editor Peter Ross Range traveled to Japan for an 
insight into the continuing conflict between Japanese and 
American ingenuity. In The Technology War: Behind Japa- 
nese Lines, Range tries to pinpoint just where we went 
wrong in the industrial sweepstakes—or, rather, where the 
panese went right. Who better to do the illustration than 
nkce Kinuko Y. Craft? 
We like a touch of humor in our mystery fiction and if 
in store. Donald E. West- 
Іске has resurrected his lovable thief. Dortmunder for a nifty 
per titled Ask a Silly Question. Dave Wilcox’ illustration 
gives a clue to the action, but not to the surprise ending. 

Speaking of endings, Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist Ron 
Powers has a better idea for Walter Cronkite's hnale. Powers sees 
it as a typical Tinseltown salute, perhaps starring the late 
Duke. You'll find his proposal in Cronkite's Last Stand. 

It took six—count ‘em, six—staffers to do justice to The 
Year in Se: nior Editor Gretchen McNeese was overseer on 
the operation. She got an able assist [rom Associate New 
York Editor Tom Passavent and Chicago Assistant Editor Kate 
dled by Senior Art Director Chet биз! 
Director Bruce Hansen. Assistant Photo 


feature, as well as collecting many of the photographs. So if 
you think there was nothing new on the sexual loi 
we've got six big votes that say you're dead wrong. We 
could have filled ten pages with designer-jeans ads alone. 

You might want to wait until after midnight to read this 
months Playboy Interview. That's when we're most used to 
enjoying the banter of Tom Snyder, host of МВСУ Tomorrow 
show. Snyder, since the truncation of The Tonight Show, is 
rguably the new king of late-night TV (but we're not going 
to get into that). Suifice it to say ol’ Snyder is in his usual 
irreverent good form. Nicholas Yanni did the Q's to Tom's A's. 

We've learned not to send Consulting Editor Laurence Gon- 
zales after a story unless we want the whole story. A case in 
point is what we thought would be a simple profile of 
k actor David Carradine. What we got was a full-tilt 
ofa piece, Deep In with David Carradine. 

Staff Writer James R. Petersen been feeling a little 
run down lately, ever since a rude motorist interrupted one 
of his midnight motorcycle rides with a solid thwack from 
his left-front fender. Thanks to good karma, and to a Simp- 
son helmet, Jim got himself back together soon enough to 
review the new breed of Middle-Size Sexy bikes for this issue. 

As usual, the photo guys got the best assignments. Mario 
Casilli was up to his lens cap in pulchritude when he did 
Playmate Roommates. And speaking of an abundance of 
ches, don't forget to look at this month's centerfold. Vicki 
Lasseter is not to be missed. 


CLOCKWISE FROM SIX; MC NEESE, HANSEN, SUSRI, NOLAN, 
PASSAVANT, BEAUDET (CENTER) 


SM 0022.478). FEBRUARY, 1868. VOL. те. то. 2. PUBLISHED montu 
JIRCULATION POSTAGE PAID AT CHICAGO, ILLINOIS. SUBS.. IN THE U. 


PLAYBOY 
CONTROLLED 


310 FOR 12 ISSUES. POSTMASTER: SEND FORM 3579 TO FLAYBO (шен, c ч 


т.о: пос 1420, BOULDER, COLO. 90302, 


PLAYBOY 


vol. 28, no. 2—february, 1981 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 
ШАҮВІШ а 5 
THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY . 1 
DEARSELA BOP ne weiter ake a шоу 13 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS E UT TEL 21 
MUSIC ...... 27 
Here we go, folks: another nostolgio quiz, plus а tolk with The Police. 
BOOKS... us о ғ ҚЫСЫЛДЫ 32 
The story behind Three Mile Islond; Groham Greene pens o fascinating 
Silly Question autobiography. 
MOVIES! roda наа 36 
Sinatro comes bock strong, but Bo returns ina banal Morte 
TELEVISIONES de coe АЗ ТЕС ы” . 44 
Due soon on the tube: Steinbeck, bomb squods ard a terrific art course. 
COMING ATTRACTIONS 45 


laughter, finally get together. 


Chuck Barris is at it again; Fondos, father on 


PLAYBOY'S TRAVEL GUIDE ............ ....STEPHEN BIRNBAUM 46 
How to holidoy in style by renting a luxurious condo. 
exem THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 0...0... dea 081 
THE:BLAYBOY FORUM. „u. crab Se a 55 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: TOM SNYDER—candid conversation 63 


The irrepressible mouth that keeps millions awake is ot the peak of his 25-year 
career in broadcasting. The Tomorrow show's loquacious host unleashes his 
opinions on the TV industry, on prime-time audiences’ infatuation with T&A, 
pornography and NBC boss man Fred Silverman (whose job Snyder wouldn't 
mind having). 

THE TECHNOLOGY WAR: BEHIND 

JAPANESE LINES—article ............... .PETER ROSS RANGE 84 

Cronkile's Farewell à Pearl Horbor was only the beginning. The Joponese ore winning the technology 


war ond showing no signs of battle fatigue. No wonder they're smiling oil 
the way to the bank. How do they do it ond what does it mean to the West? 


NOBODY KNOWS US BETTER ................ 2020087 
We love godgets from Tokyo, and boy, do they know us over there. 
DETROIT: BORNUAGAIN 222222222222. 195 
Motown's ошо makers are singing hallelujah and gearing up. 
DETROIT. FIGHTS BACK anne ee es 196 
Modison Avenue spells r-e-i-e-f for the industry. 

Sex Yeor P. 144 DAVID BAILEY'S MODEL WIFE—pictorial ..................... 90 


Delectoble Marie Helvin is featured in o witty, erotic pictorial by world-fomous 
photographer Bailey, who knows a beauty when he sees one—especiolly 
when she's his wife. 


LIFE INSIDE THE CARTER 

STATE DEPARTMENT—memoir .............. HODDING CARTER Ill 96 
After November's Republican landslide, it's obvious the public has hod enough 
of the Democrats’ inconsistent foreign policy. Who was to blome? The 
President or a heated Vance/Brzezinski rivalry? Former State Department 
press spokesmon Hodding Carter III reflects on the policies and personalities 

Risen Sun z that were destined to fail. 


GENERAL OFFICES: PLAYBOY BUILDING, 919 NORTH MICHIGAN AVE, CHICAGO: 
RIGHTS RESERVED. PLAYBOY AND RABBIT HEAD SYMBOL ARE MARKS OF PLAYOCY, REGISTERED U.S. PATENT OFFICE, MARCA REGISTRADA, MANQUE DEPOSE. NCTHING MAY BE REPRINTED IN WHOLE 
OR їн PART WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THE PUBLISHER, ANY SIMILARITY BETWEEN THE PEOPLE AND PLACES IN THE FICTION AND SEMIFICTION IN THIS MAGAZINE AND ANY REAL 
PEOPLE AND PLACES {= PURELY COINCIDENTAL. CREDITS: COVER: MODELS/ PLAYMATES: TERRI WELLES, SONDRA THEODORE. CANDY LOVING. DESIGNED AND STILL tir PUOTOGRAPUED өт 
TOM STAEBLER. PORTAAIT PHOTCGRAPHED BY MARIO CASILLA, OTHER PHOTOGRAPHY BY: PATTY BEAUDET, P. 8. 144. 153: C 1980 FETER C. FORSARI/CAMERA 3, P. 147, 180: © A. ACE 
BURGESS / ACE"S ANGELS. P. 141-149; FRANK CAP, P. IS1; PH. CINELLO/ BLACK STAR © 4500/@ SIPA PRESS, P. 142: NICHOLAS DESCIOSE, P. 147 (2), © SCOTT DOWMIE/ ACE's ANGELS, 
P. 147, VERSER ENGELHARD, P. 3 (2): O. FRANKEN / SYGHA, P. 149: АНТ FREYYAG. P. 147; RON GALELLA © 1900, P. 148. 149; LYNN GOLDSMITH, IKE. /L.G.L, P 149: C Lamy DALU 


COVER STORY 

Valentine greetings from Playmates Terri Welles, Candy Loving and Sondra Theodore, 
three of the sweetest raommates you'll ever meet. Executive Art Director Tom Staebler 
assembled some of the girls mementos and photographed the cover montage. Mario 
Casilli takes honors for both the cover portrait and Playmate Roommates (page 132), 
featuring this terrific trio at work and play. 


NO STRANGER IN PARADISE—attire ................ DAVID PLATT 99 


ASK А SILLY QUESTION—fiction ............ DONALD E. WESTLAKE 104 


LONE STAR LADY—playboy’s playmate of the month ......... 106 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor .......................... 2118) 
THE SKY'S THE LIMIT!—article ............. .DANNY GOODMAN 120 


DEEP IN WITH 
DAVID CARRADINE—personality ........... LAURENCE GONZALES 124 


MIDDLE-SIZE SEXY—modern living ........................ eri 


CRONKITE'S LAST STAND—humor ................. RON POWERS 131 


PLAYMATE ROOMMATES—pictorial ........................... 132 


STRANGERS IN THE NIGHT—ribald classic 
(THE YEAR IN! SEX—pictoriall. as т en nee man Ree 144 


PLAYBOY FUNNIES—humor ... 
PLAYBOY'S PIPELINE .... 


A splendid array of casual but elegant resortwear guaranteed to send you— 
in style. 


In this droll mystery, a highly unlikely pair cf accomplices team up for a 
weighty caper: the theft of a 500-pound Rodin sculpture. 


Nat all Texans are rhinestone cowboys or country-music fans. Vicki Lasseter's 
particular fondness is for contests. In our opinion, she's a real winner. 


Carradine Unmasked 


Test your reflexes against one af these amazing new electronic games. Then 
say toys are for kids. 


He was disarmingly tough in TV's Kung Fu and a cool hera in the film The 
Long Riders. We went to Hollywood to see how Carradine handles himself in 
real life and got treated to a rare performance; that is, if уау call a seriaus 
car crash a performance. 


Sure, mid-size bikes are affordable and practical. Bul sexy, toa? Take a look. 


The most trusted man in America will soon sign off as TV's favarite news 
anchor. A veteran news watcher and Pulitzer Prize winner envisions the scene 
os an old Western movie, featuring an all-star CBS news team lined up to bid 
Walter farewell as he rides off into the sunset. 


Imagine: not one, not two, but three lovely Playmates living under the same Carter's Corter 
roof. Terri Welles, Candy Loving and Sondra Theodore are the sort of tenants 
that make landlords favor rent control. 


Be ee . M3 


115 been another remarkable year for observing sexual trends. Provocative 
blue-jeans ads launched wash-and-wear eroticism while self-appointed moral 
crusaders made censorship a religious calling. What's really hoppening with 
sex this year, though, is on your home screen. 


Miss Vicki 


Man & Work: how to survive a business trip. = en 
PLAYBOY POTPOURRI ........... 200 
PLAYBOY'S NEW AGE PRIMER ....... 209 

The new technologies offer investment opportunities galore. 

PLAYBOY PUZZLE . 217 
. 221 


Electronic Gomes P. 120 


аска. v. Wt; STAN MALINOWSKI, P. аз; ALAN MARKFVELD / REPORTAGE INT-L, P. ав (2), © JOHN C. MEYERS /PICTURE GROUP) m dat арн Р. LOS HEE AUS 


1 sumu. p. в cs). © teno mickamD оге /PIETURE отит. P. rer. PEN 
WALLACE/ACE’S ANGELS, P, 147: JOHN WHITMAN, P. 5; ART ZELIN/ оов 
NAGEL, P. эз: кєтє POPE, P. SG. 17; MARK RICKETTS, P. 27, STEVE FYERA 


3: MANNY NEUHAUS, P. 140 (2), 150. MANNY NEUMAUS/ MILKY WAY PRODUCTIONS, P. 152. PARIS MATCH / Mise 


“When I listen to a cassette _ 


I take it apart? 


Stevie's reputation as a perfec- 
tionist is well known. He puts 
everything into asong. And he 
doesn't want it lost in a recording. 
Before he takes a cassette 

home, it must deliver big studio 
sound. The kind of sound he can't 
take apart. 

The cassette Stevie likes most is 
the high bias TDK SA. TDK's 
unique Avilyn magnetic particle 
gives it a startling musical mem- 
ory. You'll hear the full timbre and 
richness of the human voice. The 
subtle harmonics of a piano. The 
vibrant dynamic energy of strings. 
No nuance is beyond its range. 
No instrument is forgotten. And 
there's plenty of headroom for the 
blast and bluster of rock. 

Most of the world's deck manu- 
facturers, themselves perfec- 


“In the unlikely event that any TDK cassette 

ever fails lo perform due to a detect in materials 
‘or workmanship, simply return it to your local 
dealer orto TDK for a tree replacement 


© 1980 TDK Electromes Corp Garden City NY 11530 


-Stevie Wonder- 


tionists, use the SA to set the 
sound standard in their machines. 
Everything about the SA sets a 
standard. Its many components 
are checked thousands of times. 
1,17 check points for the shell 
alone. TDK makes sure it will 
perform a lifetime*. Which makes 
it very easy to like. And very hard 
to take apart. 


hie Amazing Music Machine 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH М. HEFNER 
editor and publisher 


NAT LEHRMAN associate publisher 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
ARTHUR PAUL art director 
DON GOLD managing editor 
GARY COLE photography director 
G. BARRY GOLSON executive editor 
TOM STAEBLER executive art director 


EDITORIAL 

ARTICLES: JAMES MORGAN editor; FICTION: 
ALICE к. TURNER editor; TERESA GROSCH as 
sistant editor; STAFF: WILLIAM. J. HELMER, 
GRETCHEN MC NEESE, DAVID STEVENS senior edi- 
1015; JAMES R. PETERSEN senior ма) wriler; 
ROBERT E. CARE, WALTER 1. LOWE, BARBARA 
NELLIS, JOHN REZEK associate editors; JOMN 
BLUMENTHAL slaf} writer; SUSAN MARGOLIS. 
WINTER, TOM PASSAVANT associate new york 
editors; KATE NOLAN, J. к. O'CONNOR assistant 
editors; SERVICE FEATURES: TOM OWEN 
modern living editor; к» WALKER assistant 
editor; олур PLATT fashion director; CAR- 
TOONS: MICHELLE URRY edilor; COPY: ARLENE 
Bouras editor; STAN AMBER assistant editor; 
JACKIE JOHNSON, MARCY MARCHI, MARI LYNN 
NASH, CONAN PUTNAM, PEG SCHULTZ, DAVID 
TARDY, MARY ZION researchers; CONTRIBUT- 
ING EDITORS: ASA BABER, STEPHEN BIRNEAUM. 
(travel), LAWRENCE GROBEL, ANSON MOUNT, 
PETER ROSS RANGE, RICHARD RHODES, DAVID 
STANDISH, BRUCE ^ WILLIAMSON (Movies); 
CONSULTING EDITORS: LAWRENCE S. DIETZ, 
LAURENCE GONZALES 


ART 

КЕШС POPE managing director; LEN WILLIS, 
CHET suski senior directors; BRUCE. HANSEN, 
BOM POST, SKIP WILLIAMSON associale directors: 
THEO  KOUVATSOS, JOSEPH PACZER assistant 
directors; BEIN Kasik senior art assistant; 
PEARL MIURA, JOYCE PEKALA art assistanis: 
SUSAN HOLMSTROM traffic coordinator; вак. 
BAKA HOFFMAN administrative assistant 


PHOTOGRAPHY 

MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast edilor; JEFF 
COMEN, JANICE MOSES associate editors; RICH- 
ARD FEGLEY, POMPEO РОЗАК staf] photogra- 
phers; JAMES LARSON photo manager; MLL 
AESENAULT, DON AZUMA, DAVID CHAN, NICHOLAS 
DESCIOSE, PHILLIP DIXON, АНХУ FREYTAG, 
DWIGHT HOOKER, к. SCOTT HOOPER, RICHARD 
ШІЛ, STAN MALINOWSKI, KEN MARCUS. contrib- 
uting photographers; FATIY BEAUDET assistant 
editor; ALLEN URRY (London), JEAN PIERRE 
ношку (Paris), LUISA STEWART (Rome) cor- 
respondents; JAMES warn color lab supervi- 
sor; ROBERT CHELIUS administrative editor 


PRODUCTION 
JOHN MASTRO director; ALLEN VARGO manager; 
MARIA MANDIS assistant manager; ELEANORE 
WAGNER, JODY JURGETO, RICHARD QUARTAROLI 
assistants 


READER SERVICE 
CYNTHIA LACEY-SIKICH manager 


CIRCULATION 
RICHARD SMITH director; ALVIN WIEMOLD sub» 
scription manager 


ADVERTISING 
HENRY W. MARKS director 


ADMINISTRATIVE 

MICHAEL LAURENCE business manager; PATRICIA 
PAVANGELIS administrative editor; WAULENTE 
Gauper rights & permissions manager; MIL- 
DRED ZIMMERMAN administ 


ve assistant 


DERICK J. DANIELS president 


With Te 


eflora's Sweetheart Bouquet, 
what you see is what she gets. For keep: 
An elegant art nouveau necklace she 
can fill with more flowers long after Valen- 
tines Day has come and gone. 
And anantiqued tin container she can 


The Sweetheart Bouquet and Necklace Y 


fill with anything her little heart desires. 
The Sweetheart Bouquet and Necklace 
is available for giving or sending for less than 
$20, generally. Anywhere in the U.S. from 
N here Е paces 
for the one nearest you, orcall 800-854-2003 


cr800-522-1500(California). Bothext.950. 
Oh, andpleasedon'twaituntil February 
14th toreserve your Sweetheart Bouquet. 
We wouldn't want you to miss an op- 
portunity to be unforgettable. To as many 
true loves as you think you can handle. 


eflora 


"Experts say Paul Masson Cabernet 
is a mature, complex wine, with nice wood. 
What they're trying to say is...it tastes good” 


no wine before its time. 


THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY 


in which we offer an insider look at what's doing and who's doing il 


A.D.L'S FIRST-ROUND DRAFT CHOICE 


Warner Bros. president Frank б. Wells presents B'nai B'rith's 
Anti-Defamation League First Amendment Freedoms Award to 
Hugh M. Hefner at а dinner in his honor; it was a top A.D.L. fund 
raiser. Also shown: Christie Helner, Art Buchwald, Max Lerner. 


PE SST ES ITE 
| E = DUES 


NAVY BLUES 
SNAFU DARLENE 
WITH RED TAPE 


The Navy thinks Yeoman 
Darlene Aubrey (right) 
wasn't shipshape іп 
Novembers Beauly & 
Bureaucracy—it's inves- 
tigating her for uniform 
code violations. Below, 
Playmate Jeana Toma- 
sino (third from left) 
and Washington beauties 
(from left) Jeannette 
Wulf, Molly Hamilton, 
Paula Parkinson, Marcia 
Jordan and Barbara Bud- 
holdt greet the press at a 
Georgetown party herald- 
ing their PLAYBOY feature. 


PIGEON ENGLISH 


Playboy teammates Dai Llewellyn and Playboy Clubs head 
Victor Lownes (right) chat with Gene Hackman at Jackie 
Stewart Celebrity Challenge Clay Pigeon Shoot near London. 


IN 


LILLIAN MULLER 
GOES TO HELL 
(IN FILM) 


\ All of you remember our 
Р. FX \ 1976 Playmate of the Year, 
x Lillian Müller, who ap- 

1 pears above as the Devil's 

advisor in The Devil and 
Max Devlin with (from 
left) Elliott Gould, Reggie 
Nalder and Bill Cosby. 
Her Playmate shot, at 
left, proves she's really 
an angel in disguise. 


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ТР 


SONY 'ТАРЕ. FULL COLOR SOUND. 


There's more to Full Color Sound than 
meets the ear, 

There is a story of experience and tech- 
nical achievement that no other tape man- 
ufacturer can tell. Sony produc 
high fidelity audio and video tape 
high quality equipment that plays it. In 
fact, Sony pioneered magnetic tape 
recording, and has been producing tape 
and tape equipment for over 30 years. 


What makes Sony audio tape so special 
is balance. The fine tuning of all the elec- 
trical and mechanical elements to match 


cach other, for a recording as close to 
perfect as is hun 
possible. 

The more sophisticated your equip- 
ment, the more you'll appreciate Sony 
high quality audio tape. 

‘Try Sony SHF (normal bias), ЕНЕ 
(high bias), FeCr or Metallic. 

isten to the balance. Its the secret 


of Full Color Sound. SON Y; 


anly and technically 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


ADDRESS DEAR PLAYBOY 
PLAYBOY BUILDING 
819 N. MICHIGAN AVE. 
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 


POTOMAC PULCHRITUDE 

The ladies in your Beauty + Burcauc- 
racy pictorial (PLAYBOY, November) are 
lucky! To be blessed with such beauty 
and charm . . . going home in the eve 
ning knowing they, at least, gave the 
American taxpayers a full days work... 
and being assured that if the rule in the 
Federal Personnel Manual concerning 
misconduct were enforced the full length 
of Pennsylw Avenue, more than half 
of this Government would be subject to 
removal. 


Al Grant 
Cleveland. Ohio 


T now know why our governing body 
is going to hell in a hand basket. Those 
folks have better things to look at than 
new legislation 


"Tom Hansen 


Salem. Oregon 


Га like to see more of Раша Parkin- 
son. She appears to have beauty and 
brains—and knows how to incorporate 
the two successfully. 
Helen Lee 
Alexandria, Virginia 


After all these years, the reason now 
becomes very clear why the Washington 
establishment is so slow about gettin; 
anything done. With all those he 
women around, who could get his mind 
on work? 


Johnson 
E Boone, North Carolina 

In these ti 
nomic uncer it is extremely re 
ing to know our Government has 
such stunning and uninhibited employ- 
ees as those featured in your Beauty & 
Bureaucracy pictorial. 1 particularly en- 
joyed Danita В, whose photo I 
noticed you chose for your Con- 
tents Page. Gentlemen, I will have noth- 


ing but praise for you if you invite that 
young lady to grace your pages again 
Be 


THE DEVIL OF DALLAS 
After having read about 12 pages of 
the November Playboy Interview with 
Larry Hagman, 1 still have no solid clue 
as to who shot J.R., but at least I've 
found out who invented the word fuck. 
John Borme 

Holland, Ohio 


Hagman should have been a hooker. 
He is a pimp dream—he'll do anything 
Ior money. God, how I admire that man! 

Sandy Claussen 
Virginia Beach, Virginia 


Larry Hagman's reaction to that man 
with the pleg 
nate. The guy was a prick. He deserved 
a knuckle sandwich all the more for 
using his wife's disability to get away 
with obnoxious behavior. So what il she 
was in a wheelchair? Refusing to take 
the husband to task merely reinforces 
the destructive attitude that the para- 
lyzed and their spouses are to be pitied, 
regardless. Hagman should have known 
that; he lost face, but the woman lost 
some dignity . . . now there's the pity. 
Tm a quadraplegic with a Master's. de- 
grec 1 work and I know what I'm 
talking about. 


jc wile was unfortu 


soci 


Vic Willi 
"Toronto, Ontario 


Concerning your interview with Larry 
in the November issue: Who 
shit who shot J.R. and who 
about the puerile and 
nd thoughts o£ a second- 
rate actor like Hagman? What next, an 
view with Wile E. Coyote? 

Lanny R. Middings 

San Ramon, California 


PLAYBOY, (155M 0032-1470), FEBRUARY, 1101, VOLUME 20, MUMBER 2, PUBLISHED MONTHLY BY PLAYBOY, PLAYBOY BLDC., 312 


т. MICHIGAN AVE., CHICAGO, ILL. 60611. SUBSCRIPTIONS: IN THE UNITED STATES AND ITS POSSESSIONS, 
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1. PERKINS, MANAGER, 4311 WILSHIRE BOULEVARD: SAN FRANCISCO $4104, TOM JONKS, MANAGER, 417 MONTGOMERY STREET. 


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13 


PLAYBOY 


м 


DOROTHY STRATTEN 

Since the tragic death of Dorothy 
Stratten last August, we have received 
hundreds of letters of condolence. 
This remarkable outpouring of sym- 
pathy and genuine affection is a trib- 
ule to her unique charm and beauty. 
It is all the more remarkable in that 


she was able to work her special magic 
on those who knew her only throngh 
the words and pictures published in 
this magazine, The feelings of grief and 
the sense of loss expressed in these 
letters mirror our own. We'd like to 
share some of them with you 
We were both shocked and sad- 
dened at the news of Playmate of the 
Year Dorothy Swatten’s death. She 
was а beautiful and talented young 
lady who would have gone lar in the 
world of movies. We will all miss her 
so much. There will never, in our 
eyes, be another Playmate like her. 
The Crew of the U 
Thomas €. Hart 
FPO New York, New York 


We watched her grow from the 
awkward, innocent and very pretty 
girl of The Great Playmate Hunt to 
the statuesque, sexy and beautiful 
woman who was Miss August 1979, 
to the. poised, glamorous and. lovely 

dy—Playmate of the Year, 1980. 
Perhaps what we witnessed was not 
a metamorphosis at all, lor it seemed 
that Dorothy Stratten, in spite of her 
scant 20 years, was all of those (inno- 
cent, sex 
a lady, а beautiful woman) and much 
more. She possessed an intangible 
quality that made her a true fantasy 
girl=so feminine, so vibrant, so re- 
fresh the woman of all our 


pretty, glamorous, a child, 


dreams, herself seemingly living a 
wonderful dream. The dream was to 
become a horrible nightmare, the 
shock of which will linger for a long. 
time to come. For one so young, 
beautiful and vital, with much to 
offer, one who loved life, to lose her 
lile in such a sudden, violent and 
senseless manner is immeasurably 

. For Dorothy, lovely goddess of 
gilts, who gave a beautiful gift, he 
self, to us all, we can now offer in 
return only om prayers. May she rest 
in peace. 


D. Smith. 
Englewood. Colorado 


So well did you introduce her and 
keep us informed on what she was 
doing that it is like losing a closc 
friend. I never had any doubts that 
she'd be the Playmate of the Y ts 
such a tragic, useless loss. 

David Barber 
San Diego, Californ 


I was deeply shocked when I read 
about the killing of Dorothy Stratten 
in our Dutch newspaper. I remem- 
bered the beautilul photos of your 
beautiful Playmate. For myself and a 
lot of Dutch men, she will stay in our 
memories as the woman we saw in 
PLAYBOY. 

Dik Laan 
Purmerend, The Netherlands 


It is hard being away from home 
for 18 months at a time. Your maga- 
zine and the girls who grace its pages 
make the time go by a little quicker. 
Dorothy Stratten made those of us 
here on Okinaw where I am sta 
tioned, feel closer to home. She filled 
the post with warmth and vitality. 

Sgt. J. Syrdahl, U.S.A.E 
APO San Francisco, Calilornia 


As a female reader, I read the 
stories on the girls, not just look at 
the pictures. I realize that not only а 
beautilul woman was taken from the 
world but a friendly and talented 
one: also please accept my sympathy 
for those who loved her. 

Cheryl Santos 
Delanco, New Jersey 


T felt as if she had been my friend. 
Tim sure those feelings are shared by 
all pLavnoy readers. She left behind 
enough beauty to live forey 

George Stickle 
Kearny, New Jersey 


Because she died at the outset of an 
immensely promising career, Dorothy 
Suatten may, 1 feel, become a legend 
in the vein of Marilyn Monroe. How- 
ever, let us remember her as a human 


being rather than as a love goddess; 
Dorothy's phy tributes pale in 
comparison w personality. 
Lesli Jones 
Norman, Oklahoma 


When you send your condolences 
to Dorothy's parents, would you send 
mine also? Just tell them that Dorothy 
was loved, I am sure, by every 
PLAYBOY reader in the country 

Max G. Becker 
Lucerne Valley, California 


ven though she is gone, she will 
live forever in the hearts of millions 
of men, including my own. 
Paul Viacrucis 
Sacramento, California 


Jt is too bad about Dorothy. She 

was a very beautiful woman. Her per- 

ality extremely refreshing. 

When I heard about her death, I al 

most broke out in tears. Could you 

give us one more look before we close 

this tragic chapter in PLAYBOY history? 
Steven Kokker 

ontreal, Quebec 

We have scheduled a pictovial trib- 
ute 10 Dorothy in our March issue 


Allow us to express our deepest 
sympathies to the entire staff. man- 
agement and friends who were asso- 
cited with Dorothy Straten. We 
were deeply saddened, as well as 
shocked, when we received the tragic 
news concerning her untimely demise. 
She was, indeed, a beautiful woman 


A 


in every sense of the word, as well as 
being one of the most beautiful 
Playmates ever to grace your pages. 
She touched our lives in a small way, 
as she must have touched ali of yours 
a large way. 
Barry Grant 
Richard € 
Patrick Grant 
Kevin Grant. 
Conway, Arkansas 
Gentlemen, you've expressed our 
feelings exactly, both in your letter 
and in your vendering of our symbol 


AN UNCONVENTIONAL CONVENTION 

My husband receives рілувоу and I 
allv read I want to thank 
D. Keith Mano for his excellent and 
hilarious article, Is No Fun Being 
Girl (eLavsov, November). 1 especially 
liked the sidebar, Our Fair Lady Goes 
Shopping. | laughed so hard at it that 
it took me 45 minutes to read it. I think 
this article and J Was a Military-IEndus- 
trial Complex (which ran several months 
ago) are among the best articles you've 
cver published. 


occas: 


Mrs. J- Sawyer 
Chicago. Illinois 


I enjoyed reading It's No Fun Being 
a Girl. The article probably points out 
10 many people for the first time that 
most transvestites are heter 
Your edit 


sexual men. 


r was quoted in the article 
as saying. "Our readers don't do that 
I 
am a longtime PLAvnoy subscriber and 


sort of th 


g” (crossdress as women); 


I have been a transvestite since the 


of four. | am married, have normal 
sexual relations with my wife and she 
tolerates my need to occasionally dress 
up in women’s clothes, I never go out in 
public: your article points out that 
almost no transvestite can pass as 
woman. [ know of many men in 


11 


walks of life who enjoy crossdressing 


as women. Maybe through articles such 
as yours, the general public, as well as 
the medical community, will learn th: 
most stercotypes of t 


schizo 


estite 


phrenic homosexuals are in error 
(Name and address 
withheld by request) 


PAYING FOR PAIN 

Id like to commend Richard Mac 
kenzie for his superb November a 
Playing with Pain. He certainly has hit 
the nail on the head on so many points 
regarding the multimillion-dollar busi- 
ness of professional foothall—i.e., money, 
pain, drags, cover-ups. I'm sure all of us 
old jocks have some scars, aches ог morn 
ing stiffness that reminds us of past hat 
tles on the gridiron for a coach whose 
life revolved around winning and land 


ing that top job. It was most interesting 
to learn that the Dallas Cowboys (whom 
Гуе never liked) didn't invite ex-star 
Peuis Norman to their 20th-anniversary 
reunion due to Norman's pending litig; 
tion against the all-American apple-p 
Dallas machine, but not surprising. Most 
likely, Tex Schramm will end up raising 
the prices of corn dogs and Cracker Jacks 
l his loyal fans after Norman tri- 
phs in the courtroom. Unfortunately, 
big business will still win, no matter what. 
x Bill Sıein 
"Tucson, Arizona 


Pettis Norman was right in suing the 
San Dicgo and Dallas organizations 
There are too many serious inju 
professional football now that are being 


s in 


The bald eagle is in danger uf extinction. For a free booklet on how 16 heip save 
this living symbol of our country, write Eagle Rare, Box 123, New York, N.Y. 10151. 


No bird in America can soar as high as the eagle. 
No Kentucky Bourbon tastes so fine as Eagle Rare. 
Whiskey that has been smoothed and mellowed by 
ten years of careful aging. Eagle Rare. 

We challenge anyone to match our spint. 


One taste and you'll know why it's expensive. 


PLAYBOY 


16 


intentionally overlooked. Back in the 
Vince Lombardi era, players were dressed 
with less protective equipment than to- 
days players are and the ratio of in- 
juries was very much lower, One г 

was that coaches, doctors and tea 
bers were concerned. No one gives а 
damn now! It can be stated plainly and 
simply in this phrase: For the love of 
money. 1 enjoyed reading the artide. 
Keep up the great inside stories about 
America's most violent sport. Му con- 
gratulations to Richard Mackenzie for a 
well-done job. 


S. L. Jackson 
San Diego, California 


THE BARE TRUTH 
T congratulate you for your article on 
Dr. Joyce Brothers and pornogr 


however. is not the only subject tl 
Brothers has made some fairly wild state- 


ments about. In response to a letter in 
which a woman said that her husband 
liked nude swimming and socializing, 
Br ted: “Any parent who pa- 


rades nude in [ront of his children. or 
others, is unconsciously seducing them. 
Nudity, even when limited to the family. 
complicates a child's sexual growth and 
his or her adjustment.” As part of the 
American Sunbathing Association. а na- 
tional nudist organization, our 
E for no other reason, to dispel this 
myth, Every serious study that we know 
of conducted on this subject has shown 
that nudism is beneficial to a child's 
emotional development and I personally 
object to any "authority" who publicly 
states otherwise without data to support 
such claims. Please withhold my name. 
I don't want the people of my com- 
munity thinking that my wile and I are 
trying to seduce our two childre 

аше withheld by requ 
inoke, Virgini 


club ex- 


m 


st) 


THE JOY OF JEANA 
Ever since I saw Jeana Tomasino in 
he World of Playboy, 1 have be 
ing for her appearance in your center- 
fold. She is the most alluring woman 
ever to grace your pages. 
Thomas Milt 
Cinnaminson, New Jersey 


n wait- 


Your November issue will go down 
in history as the one that brought Jeana 
Tomasino to your readers. She is one of 
the most beautiful women I have ever 
seen and rates an A in my book. T 
why P am surprised. that. you showed 
only 16 pictures of this heavenly body 
Please, show one more picture of her to 
st until her pictorial as 1981 Playmate 
of the Y 


Scott Pierson 
Ascutney, Vermont 


Congratulations on your November 
Playmate, Jeana Tomasino! You've out- 


done yourselves this tim 
to Richard 
pictorial. J 
of the Year. 


Special thanks 
egley for an outstanding 
na has my vote for Playmate 


Ted Gureski 
Largo, Florida 


You have outdone yourselves again. 
Jeana Tomasino is the best Playmate I 
have seen yet. Wasn't she one of the 
mates interviewed by Richard Daw- 
son at the Playboy Mansion party on 
television? I have waited a long t 
see her grace your pages. Could 1 see 
another picture of her? 

Sp/4 Ricky Ke 
ort Bragg, North Carolina 
Indeed, that was Jeana, Rich ‘ho 
interviewed by “Family Feud's" 
Richard Dawson as one of the Playmates 


was 


of the Eighties. When we make a prom- 
ise, we deliver. With readers who have 
memories like yours, we have 10. 


MOTHERHOOD OR ELSE 

f rial on Mandatory Mother- 
hood (The Playboy Forum, November) 
perb. You are to be commended for 
r stand on the rights of pregnant 
women to determine their fate, I 
had an abortion by a “bu in 1964 
Chicago!) and almost died. I shudder 
to think of the poor women who will 
salfer as T did. And I shudder to think 
of the unwanted children who will be 
destroyed physically and/or emotionally. 
The Hyde Amendment sets us all back 
100 y. 


ow 


cher 


(Name withheld by request) 
Branford. Connecticut 


FAIR WARNING 
I have enjoyed reading your 
for years and con 


nagazine 
lr it to be fine. 
ad angered to 
November isue cartoons 
cheralt (page 217). 


However, I was shocked 
find in you 


cults (page 285) and other aspects of the 
supernatural. You people might make 
light of those subjects, but I assure you 
millions of people don't. Witch 
craft is à very old, very powerful religion. 
We people have had to put up with 
persecution for years and with unen 
ened people thinking it’s all a big joke. 
May I assure you. the occult is something 
to be taken very seriously. Your stall 
would do well to study up on this sub- 
ject. Lam sure I speak for a lot of witches 
when I say, “Do nol insult us!” 
Nancy Manning 
Broomfield, Colorado 


FILM FANTASIES 
I had to write and congratul: 
people on another excellent report on 
Sex in Cinema (PLAYBOY. November). 
Each year. the photos get better and bet- 
ter (if thats possible). 1 know that I and 
countless millions of other people get a 
real rush out of secing our favorite movie 
stars nude. Especially since, in a film, the 
scene is passed by so quickly. But in your 
Sex іп Cinema articles. you freeze. those 
moments for us to enjoy over and over 
And I thank you for that 
John Lepine 
New York, New York 


e you 


WOMEN AGAINST MEN? 

Reading your editorial The New Puri- 
tans in the November issue caused m 
to wonder and to be a little frightened. 
As а “healthy, selfrespecting female 
Ive read рілувоу for many years and 
1 have been enlightened because of it 
Do Bat-Ada and other radical feminists 
want to reverse the sexual roles and turn 
our men into a "nation of whores"? 
That's what it sounds like to me. It 
worries me that our two sons will grow 
up and be treated as less than. human 
by women. Can't we liberate the 
as well as the female? Men have been 
forced into roles just as women have, 
and it’s time we liberate human beings 
no matter their sex, race or religion. It 
may sound as if 1 dont know or sym 
pathize with the problems of women. 
but that’s not truc. I've had to fight for 
my rights against a maledominated soci- 
ety. Bur we shouldn't. push this to the 
other side of the coin, to the female- 
dominated society. We should want а 
society of be ble to do and 
be what they want. If we are not careful, 
we could push ourselves 
Dark Age and the “New Puritans 
lead us there! 


iale 


ngs who are 


other 
could 


into 


Carol Martinez 
Pettigrew, Аг 


SPINNING PLASTIC INTO GOLD 

We would like to take this oppor 
tunity to secure your future. We enjoyed 
Аза Baber's article on financial advice 
(How 1 Gave Up Reading Financial 
Advice) in the November issue. Since we 


are sitting on a potential billion dollars, 
we thought we would share it with you. 
We hope that enough of our suppliers 
will read your article and we will be 
able to pay them in the future with 
plastic spoons. 


Frank M. Anderson, 
Marketing Manager 
Maryland Plastics, Inc. 
Federalsburg, Maryland 
Accompanying this letter was a case 
containing approximately 1000 plastic 
forks, knives and spoons. Baber had 
recommended those as sure-fire invest- 
ments for the future. Too bad he didn't 
recommend some fried chicken and po- 
lato salad to go along with them. 


MALE PETTERS NEEDED 

Thank you very much for the indu- 
sion of my dating service for people 
who own pets, Single Pet Lovers, in your 
July Potpourri section. However, I find 
that many more women responded than 


men. In order to do justice to these fe- 
males, I need many more male respond 
ents. Could I impose on you for a second 
mention, perhaps in your Dear Playboy 
column? 

Connie Hundertmark 

Single Pet Lovers 

Р.О. Box 187 

La Guard New York 

OK, Connie, we'll try again. Any of 

you male pet lovers who want to meet 
female pet lovers in order to do some 
"heavy petting,” contact Connie. 


REVIEW REVIEW 
I want to thank you so much for your 
kind words in your review of my first 
album. I really appreciate it more than 
I can say. The album has done really 
well and I'm told it still is selling, thanks 
in part to favorable reviews like yours. I 
ge back into the studio (The Record 
Plant in LA.) soon to start a 
ber wo. Brooks Arthur is producing 
again and Artie Butler has done the 
charts on the first two sides to be cut. 
The album will be out this mouth, 
Bernadette Peters 
Los Ang 


um num. 


s, California 


I beg to differ with Bruce Williamson's 
review of Honeysuckle Rose, in which 
he says that Willie Nelson does not make 
ita 


romantic leading man, I think 
Nelson is one hell of a sexy man—he 
can lead me anywhere, any time! He is 
definitely sexier than Bruce William- 
son—in any situation! 


Debbie Buck 
Emmett, Idaho 
Take another look, Debbie. William- 
son actually wrote, "Willie Nelson does 
not quite make it for me 
mantic leading man? leaving the final 
judgment to the viewer. Besides, we think 
Bruce is every bil as sexy as Willie. 


гах a yo- 


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ALKA-SELTZER. 
AMERICAS 
HOME REMEDY. 


NOTHING WORKS BETTER, NOTHING IS MORE SOOTHING. 


On any given night, in any given town, someone in America is waking up 
with an upset stomach and an aching head. 

Groping in the dark, they make their way to the medicine chest. And there 
between the cotton balls and the bandages they reach for America's home 
remedy. Alka-Seltzer. — 

Alka-Seltzer is effective. And they're comforted in Домо. it's 


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Pead io ions. 01981 Mies Laboratories, Inc. 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


IVY BELEAGUERED 


At Princeton University recently. fresh- 
man ded three-page 
questionnaires asking explicit questions 
about their sexual behavior. Printed on 
stationery identical to that of the school's 
Sexuality Education Counseling and 
Health Center, the questionnaires includ- 
ed instructions directing the women to 
leave the completed forms, with thei 
names printed clearly on them, in their 
campus questionnaires 
would then be picked up and studied 
They were studied, all right, but not by 
the sexuality center, which had nothing 
to do with the forms. School spokesman 
Merritt suspects “upper-class 
had something to do with the 


women were l 


mailboxes. The 


ames 
males” 


re It is not just an inno 


aling 
cent prank.” 
school would ever catch 
‘Tigers 


усу. 
he said, and he doubted the 
the prow 


SHH! WE'RE A SECRET 


Tales of the volunteer. Army, chapter 
one: When the six members of а top- 
secret Army commando unit were air- 
dropped to Brownfield, Texas, they were 
expected to travel quietly to an Air 
Force base nine miles north of town 
Getting lost immediately, the dirty half 
dozen headed east instead of north. Mak- 
ing matters worse, they got caught in a 
sudden thunderstorm. Drenched 
Iked farmhouse owned by 
Ruben Martinez and asked if they could 
use his phone. A bit suspicious of having 
commandos at the door, Martinez refused, 
but offered them refuge from the storm 
barn. A short while later, he 
noticed the guys peeking into his house 
through a window. He called the local 
sheriff, who showed up and took the men 
into Brownfield, By the next day, the 
entire town knew about the aff 

One week later, the Реп 


the six 


1 his 


cke 
get in 


firmed that the six a 
ment had been to and out 
without notice." In light of this recent 
mission, the Army has decided to make 
things a bit easier for secret missions in 
the future. From now on. all commando 
units will travel by Greyhound bus, carry 
Michelin guides and be accompanied by 
a parent or an adult guardian 


acks’ assign- 


DYE HARD 


At the funeral of Lawrence Gelb. the 
founder of Clairol, Frank Mayers, pres- 
ident of the product division of Bristol- 


Myers, of which Clairol is a part, 
culogized ry, I know you're up 
there. I'm sure you are. And I'm also 


sure you've got the angels blonding their 
halos with Clairol.” 


THE NAKED TRUTH 


Feeling that the best way to communi- 
ate with her fans was to let it all hang 
out over 


the airwaves, porndihm star 


Marilyn Ch doffed her clothes 
during a recent radio interview with 
talk-show host Bob Grant. She remained 
nude for the entire show, chatting cas- 
ually with the fully clad Grant. After the 
broadcast, the still naked Marilyn smil- 
ingly reported: “Bob handled it 
tremely well 1 mean, some of the 
other hosts I've done this with couldn't 
even talk.” Grant proved himself а cool 
one, indeed, stating that he'd had no 
problem keeping his composure except 
for the [ew occasions when "my own 
prurient fantasies took During 
commercial breaks, we hope, 


mbers 


ex- 


over 


MIXED MEDIA 


If you think you have trouble reading 
newspaper stories once they're published, 
imagine what goes on at the editor's 
desk. Hot over the wire from the Field 
News Service this illuminating 
piece of advice to all editorial personnel 
“The story slugged сомевкнехо by Wil- 
liam Hines that moved om this wire 
carlier this evening duplicates a story 
slugged CoNFUSE that moved Saturday. 
Sorry for any inconvenience.” 


came 


DINNER MANNERS 


ng in East Hampton. New York's, 
The Laundry, food critic Gael Greene 
ordered ham and brie on pumpernickel 
and a side of fries. "It was wonderful,” 
she said, “except the brie had the white 
t the crust on brie.” 


crust on it. I never e 

After dinner, Greene told the waitress 
that the brie would have been a lot spif- 
fier without the crust and the French Iries 
more palatable if they had not been 
overcooked. “If you like, you cin go tell 
the chef,” said Greene. 


Should I tell him who you are?” 
asked the waitress. 

Sure,” replied the critic. 

The waitress sauntered off. A few 


moments later, she returned from the 


21 


PLAYBOY 


22 


kitchen. “Не said, "Fuck you: 
Greene was nonplused. She figured 
the deviled ham made him do it. 


GET STUFFED 


Roy Rogers, the king of the cowboys, 
held court ining that he 
and Dale Evans would like to make a 
back. "We're looking for the 
right script" he said, "not like the 
movies they're making today, which 
wouldn't even let Trigger watch." 

Roy, always the philosopher. had these 
words concerning his eventual afterlife 
plans. “When I go, I've told Dale just to 
hang me up there with Trigger . . . 
stuffed and smiling and waving at my 


movie c 


Isn't that what happened to Elizabeth 
Taylor? 


THE OLD SHELL GAME 


Want to know how our tax dollars are 
being spent? Recently. the National 
Oceanic and Atmosph 


tion decided to do some resca 
turtle nesting and mating а 
transmitter was pinned to Dianne, a 
loggerhead turtle, 
to the water. Signals from Di: 
vice were beamed 
% Goddard Space Center near 
gion, D.C. АП was going well. 
Dianne sent off good vibes from the 
off Mississippi, Louisiana and 


wateı 
Texas. 


Then something went wrong. All trans- 
mission stopped. After a short while, the 


adcast from any 
ppeared. as if 


they were not being br 
ocean area, In fact, it 
Di speeding inland, Scientists 
tizzy. Movement finally stopped 
in Kansas, а state not known for its 
seacoast, Tracing the transmitter, a sci 
ked up to a home belonging to a 


s fisherman, He had found the 
Texas beach and was 
using the $5000 device as a doorstop. 


Scientists were not amused. Could have 
been worse, docs. The guy could ha 
been dishing out turtle soup when you 
called. 


HIGH VOLTAGE 


OK. You've accepted the hype on gas- 
ohol. Now are vou ready for grassohol? 
TI rey dope is the brain 
storm of the Florida Power 
Company, an org: 
that burning 
ties could produce a lot of electrical 
power. Grassohol could rel of 
oil for every 1000 pounds of the weed 
burned. There's no problem with supply, 
either. Unlike oil, confiscated marijuana 
- in abundance, since tons of 
the drug are seized у 
and Federal agencies, Should the grass- 
ohol plan go through, public utility com- 
panics will stage a massive publicity 


campaign to attract national attention. 
Reportedly, Reddy Kilowatt will be re- 
placed by Dennis Hopper and Peter 
onda, 


MOM AND APPLE PIE 

Who says patriotism is a thing of the 
past? A 42-year-old mother with 21 chil- 
dren has registered for the draft and, by 
Jolin Wayne, she's serious about fighting. 
My country needs me,” explains Patri- 
Andras of Westfield, Massachusetts. 
This country’s going to hell on roller 
skates. I'm willing to do whatever they 
tell me to. If I'm called up, ГЇЇ go.” Her 
husband is described as being “absolutely 
in shock" by the macho mom. If Mrs. 


Andras is inducted and she winds up at 
Por 


Chop Hill, she promises that she'll 
e the Shake "п Bake. 


CHECKING IN 


Editorial Assistant Bonnie Robinson 
talked with Peter Strauss while he was 
on location shooting “A Whale for the 
Killing" (which will air on ABC-TV in 
early January). 

LAvBoY: Most actors feel that star- 
ing in television is beneath them. Why 
€ you chosen to make your reputa- 
tion there? 
steauss: First of all, that's a myth. I 
don't find television any better or any 
worse than films. In fact, if anything, I 
fecl more pride in some of the things 
І and others have done in television 
ely than in what I've seen 
PLAYBOY: Nevertheless, TV movies 
considered to be inferior to features. Rich 
Man, Poor Man, in which you played 
Rudy Jordache, wasn't a strong argument 
premise; however, The Jeri- 

ing you as а convict deter- 


cho Mile, sta 


ned to become a runner, received a lot 

l acd 
Jericho was made in 21 days 
and, as far as I'm concerned, was st 


perior to 98 percent of the feature films 
released that year 
pLaynoy: It's said that you care more 


bout aesthetics than about cash. Truc? 
strauss: Yeah. Money doesn't mean any- 
thing to me. My attorneys will confirm 
that. I don’t even know when or how Fm 
n idea about amounts 
and I like the fact that they're very high 
because I don't want anybody to think 
they can get me cheaply 
praysoy: A Whale for the Killing 
based on a truc-life incident about how 
a whale was trapped olf the coast of 
wfoundland. What was it about the 
story that made you want the part? Are 
you queer for whales? 

smauss: Oh, I suppose as much as any- 


body is once hes seen one. I was 
drawn to the story because it was such 
an ordi; t: the fact that 


a wh 


le had become trapped in a pond, 
that a town for a few days was enchanted 
by its behavior, and then suddenly an 
clement of the town beg: 


whale for target practice. 
pravuoy: Let's move on to someü 
ghter. Back at the office, someone 


called you the Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.. of 
the Eighties. How do you see your career 
differing trom his? 
strauss: 1 don't know wl 
that means. Whoever 
Why that? For a look? 
ist, Jr. is a devout Republican con- 
servative, which I have nothing to do 
with. I mean no way. He is probably a 
very lovely man, I don't mean — 
PLAYBOY: Wait a minute. We're not 
talking about him sonality, we're 
talking about him а 
STRAUSS: Thats 
at that. 
piaynoy: How would you like to be 
remembered: 


the hell 


absurd. ГИ leave it 


strauss: I'd like to be remembered for 
excellence, for doing the things that 
I do best. Not best in a competitive 


sense but the best I can do with it. 
Lam a rigid perfectionist. 
PLaYnoy: For you, we've heard, doing 
your best often means throwing yourself 
into learning something new to h 
role. You had to learn to ride a horse 
for your first feature film, Hail, Hero! 
didn't you? 
STRAUSS: Yes, and that’s one of the j 
a film making; when you play charac- 
ters that are different, you're going to 
learn something new. I had to learn to 
shoot for Soldier Blue, to fly for Youn 
Joe, the Forgotten Kennedy, to run my 
s oll for Jericho Mile and to sail for 
Whale. In Rich Man, Poor Man. I had to 
learn. two of the hardest things of all: to 
play the trumpet and to play golf 
pLaynoy: Lets say that you're still going 
to be a leading man ten years from now. 
What kinds of roles do you think you'll be 
playing then? 
sruauss: I'm ge 


g to play David Niven 
parts from now on. Elegant—Cannes, 
Cap Ferrat locations with wonderful 
clothing. I've had a rough two years of 
locations: in Newfoundland for Whale, 


Jewelry: Bulgari 


; 
i 
| 
| 


HES BEEN 


BREAKING 
IHELAW 
FOR YEARS. 


A con man in "The Sting” 
An outlaw in "Butch Cassidy 
and the Sundance Kid” 

A smuggler in “Exodus” 

A pool shark in “The Hustler” 
A convict іп "Cool Hand Luke’ 


Now 


PAUL NEWMAN 


has gone straight... to the most 
commanding role of his career in 


FORT APACHE, 
THE BRONX 


TIME-LIFE FILMS PRESENTS A DAVID SUSSKIND PRODUCTION 
PAUL NEWMAN in 
FORT APACHE, THE BRONX 


Starring EDWARD ASNER Also Starring KEN WAHL and KATHLEEN BELLER 
RACHEL TICOTIN • DANNY AIELLO * PAM GRIER Produced by MARTIN RICHARDS and GILL CHAMPION 
Screenplay by HEYWOOD GOULD Music by JONATHAN ТОМСК Directed by DANIEL PETRIE 


Executive Producer DAVID SUSSKIND 


ANA 
COMING FOR FEBRUARY TO A 


SELECTED THEATRE NEAR YOU. 


PLAYBOY 


26 


* 


y: YOUR 1981 Ne 
ZI SEXUAL HOROSCOPE +]. 


ch 21 to April 19) A 
year of grudging fulfillment. In 
your first trip to a nude beach 
short as soon as others there re 
the rhythmic pounding they hear is 
you and not the surf. Your novel ideas 
about contraception—especially the 
ones involving the mousetrap and 
the old Iron Butterfly record —plunge 
you into the regional spotlight. Keep 
am eye on yo 1 February 


TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) A 
year of doubtful sel 


eggshells all over your favo 
Later, she enters you as an “Ivory 
skin" contestant and they send you 
back a coupon good for one pizza. 


GEMINI (May 21 to June 21) А 
year of mercurial reversals. In August, 
ng women approach you 
a dark bar and ask if you'd be 
interested in a threesome: you ag 
and barely beat them with a pa 
on the last two holes. Stay 


a birdi 
away from sex-starved he 


CANCER (June 22 to July 22) A 
year of unspoken fantasies, In Odo- 
m beautiful woman says you 
remind her of a movie star and you 
accommodate her by behaving like 
Dom DeLuise, You begin jogging to 
improve your sex life and soon are 
pleased to find that women can no 
longer casily outrun you. 


LEO (July 23 to August 22) A year 

of covetous glances. Your love Ше 

t deal as soon as you 

ring, tuna-fish 

jokes on first dates, Excessive worry 

about the width of your tie causes 

you to miss out on the subtle advances 
of a luscious aviatrix at a party. 


VIRGO (August 23 to September 

) A year of unsatisfactory shoe pur- 
chases. n incd in 
an April household accident will 
cause your lip to curve in a way tha 
women find irresis Your idea 
for a flavored condom fails to attract 
investors. 


LIBRA (September 23 to October 

) ^ year of unproductive notoriety. 
Trouble arises in November, when 
your lover, in a state of ecstasy, says 
you're the "best" and you feel obliged 
to go out and see if she's right. You 
hot streak with women ends when 


you accidentally order a 5300 bottle 
of wine at a swank Frer.ch restaurant 
forced to crawl out the 


trip to New York in M 
establish eye contact with Lillian 
Hellman through a barroom mirror 
You become depressed when your 
mate is arrested lor embezzling fror 
a sperm bank. You perk up again 
however, when the purchase of some 
sexy underpants makes you pitch | 
Jim Palmer and you lead your soft 
ball team to a championship, 


SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to 
December 21) A year of needlessly 
Platonic relationships. While dancing 
drunkenly at a disco one night i 
June, you draw a crowd and inad 
vertently start a new dance craze that 
becomes so big that Pravda describes 
it as “fresh proof of the impe 
decline.” You enter a love triangl 
but the woman who seemed so rig| 
turns out to be obtuse. 


CAPRICORN (December 22 to 
January 19) A year of repetitious 
dreams. You make a good first im- 
pression with a local S/M group when 

u have so much trouble taking ofl 
y you begin to cry. 
While standing next to a man at 
bar, you overhear him greet a woman 
with an opening line that is so good 

at for a week in March, you become 
a homosexual. 


AQUARIUS (January 20 to Febru- 

y 18) A year of unrewarded inven- 
tiveness. Your dream date with an 
intelligent contortionist ends unhap- 
pily when she sits on her own face 
and steals your silverware at the same 
time. In September. an attractive 
woman becomes your boss and you 
don't know what to think when you 
ask her for more money and she gives 
you a raise instead. 


PISCES (February 19 to March 20) 
A year of imagined heroism. You go 
out with a 19-year-old bank teller 
who comes up with a nickname for 
your penis that happens also to be 
the na a dog you owned as 

y can't understand why you 
sob wistfully whenever e 
love, The most allurin; 
your office is по! talking to you with 
her eyes, so forg 

— CHARLES A. MONAGAN 


in prison for Jericho, six months in the 
Israeli desert for the Masada miniseries. 

PLAYBOY: Outside of acting, мі 
your main interests? 

STRAUSS: I have a small m neh. T 
built my own house, I landscaped. my 
own property—I have 64 acres. I've built 
a zoo that’s full of animals. I've planted 
more than $50 varieties of trees and 
shrubs. The house is full of dogs and 
Irs littered with objets d'art. antiques. 
shells, rugs, unique pieces of furniture, 
tons of music—everything that interests 
me. 

praynov: You've probably made enough 
money so that you can live wherever 
vou want. Why have you chosen to live 
on a ranch instead of in Malibu or Bev- 
erly Hills? 

strauss: I suppose the main reason is 
acy. I cannot believe I'm going to go 
ly Hills 
isten to my neighbor flush his toilet. 
I must have quiet. I'm a fiend about it. I 
can't go to sleep when a book's being 
read next to me. There is nothing more 
beautiful at night than the sound of 
nothing. I love the desert and the moun- 
tains more than any other environm 
because—to use 
rushing stillne. 


There is 
= force around you and yet it is silent 


n enormous 


pLaynoy: We a lot of women fi 
you attractive. Can you be had? 

sauss: Wait a minute. I have to go 
home to the lady Fm living with this eve- 


ning and Shana's a very special lady. Can 


sure d 


of a “fun 


STRAUSS: A fun date? T haven't been o 
a date in ten years. A fun date is a rainy 
day in New York in a hotel room with 
the Sunday New York Times and fresh 
croissants and hot chocolate and the 
entire day spent in bed n 
reading the Sunday Times. 

taynor: If time and place and money 
were no object, describe your ideal ro 
mantic eveni 
STRAUSS: I don't have to be anywhere, 1 
can be romantic at any time. I suppose 
the best thing about romant 

it is unplanned. A predictable evening 
of a drink. dinner, a walk on the beach 
and going back to your room is wonder- 
ful: but to me, really unexpected, unantic- 
ipated places, unpredictable: moods 

just good, hard sex are romantic, 
rravmoy: И you had three wishe 
would they be? 

: The first would be the perfect 
The second wish would be to hav 
much more joy in my work. Not mor 
fulfillment, ‘necessarily—the fulfillment 
is there— but I'd like to have less frustra- 
tion about it. I think I'd m 
lot happier if I didn't believe that it's 
never good enough. And the third wish. 
I suppose, is the most personal: the abil- 
ity to love easily. 


ng love and 


m is when 


ke myself 


OSTALGIA QUIZ #2: WHO PUT 

THE BOMP IN THE BOMP SHU 
BOMP? All right, true greasers, here 
are three even we don't know the an- 
swers to. 

1. One of us here in the Music De- 
partment grew up in dread Cleveland. 
He remembers listening to Alan Freed's 
Moon Dog House—the show on which 
Freed invented rock "n' roll in the early 
Fifties. And he remembers that Freed 
used to favor, and often play, a tender 
litle R&B ballad called The Greasy 
Chicken. But he doesn't remember who 
performed it, much less on what label 
it appeared, and neither does anyone 
clse we've asked. So who did The Greasy 
Chicken? 

2. Another mystery record is one we 
think is called Bip Bop Boom. Onc of 
us heard it on a tape once and hasn't 
been able to find it since. It's definitely 
not the classic Bim Bam Boom by the 
EI Dorados, but it's the same vintage, 
roughly. Bip Bop Boom, anyone? 

And a final brain drain: How many 
versions of Hearts of Stone were therc? 


Not counting the rip-off by The Fon- 
tane Sisters, of course. So, let's sec, there 
was the one by the Jewels, and the 
Charms, and. ... 

We rcally don't know the answers to 
those, so please send accompanying 
proof of your answer, if possible—a pho- 
tocopy of the 45 or 78 itself would be 
best, and a cassette of the grease іп ques- 
tion wouldn't hurt a bit. To the first ten 
of you who, in our judgment, answer 
any one of the questions correctly, we'll 
send you опе of Annette’s old T-shirts 
ог a year’s subscription to the magazine 
or something. Rama lama ding dong! 


DRUMMERS FROM OUTER SPACI 
This month's Future Shock Aw: 
Wretched Excess Division, goes to Willie 
¢ of Utopia. He, says the PR re- 
has a new toy—a $6000 synthe- 
sized percussion kit that looks like a 


Harley-Davidson customized for inter- 
planetary travel. The Utopia kit, built 
on an actual motorcycle frame, rotates, 
has working headlights and is equipped 
with exhaust pipes that billow smoke.” 
But can it do 0 to 60 in 3.6 bars? 


PYRAMID POWER: Just prior to re- 
cording Zenyatta Mondatta (A&M) last 
year, Britain's top band, The Police, 
gave the music biz something to think 
about. It wasn't what The Police played 
but where they played it. Interrupting 
their world tour last spring, they de- 
toured from the predictable circuit to 
side-step into the exotic—that old opium 
trail: Hong Kong to Cairo, via Bombay. 
1 spoke with Policemen Sting and 
Stewart Copeland at the Pyramids Holi- 
day Inn after a hugely successful concert 
to virtually an all-Moslem crowd. Their 
moody music was just right for Cairo, a 
soulful city that, like Police rock, runs 
hot and cool. At the gig on a warm 
ahara night, such wistful, erotic songs 
as Walking on the Moon sounded like 
lullabies for the desert, and Sting's 
rough-edged voice, which sounds like 
that of a chain-smoking choirboy with 
the blues, had the same mournful tones 
as those that call the faithful to prayer. 
But it was the wild, high-speed stuff the 
crowd dug the most, and it went nuts 
when Sting, mistaking the local chief of 
police for another bouncer, told him to 
“Fuck off.” ] asked him about that later. 
ѕтіхс: We came here to risk making 
fools of ourselves. In Paris or London, 
we only have to pick our noses or fart 
ue to get cheered. But to go out and 
win over an audience that doesn't know 
you or give a fuck, that's really a chal- 
lenge. Sitting pretty is a dangerous posi- 
tion for an artist to be in. We came to 
fight, and 1 think that we won, Espe- 
cially in Ind 


PLAYBOY: What was the difference there? 
stinc: There were some American stu- 


dents in the Cairo audience, so it didn't 
feel totally exotic. But in Bombay, we 
played India. A sea of wh . We 
completely won over a totally alien audi- 
ence. We're still high from it. It was so 
bizarre and fascinating. 


PLAYBOY: Were you caught up by the 
mystique there, or repelled, as many are, 
by the poverty? 

sriNc: I loved India. I was ready for all 
that. The beggars. The degradation. The 
smell. It was all there, like a string of 
clichés. But so was a sense of happiness 
in all the chaos and hubbub, the sense 
of people leading very full lives. 
PLAYBOY: As in Cai 
sine: Exactly the same. This tour has 
made me accept certain truths without 
getting passionately frustrated. Our 
minds are so different from theirs. How 
can we make judgments about self 
fulfillment and abstractions like that? 
PLAYBOY: Stewart, you grew up in exotic 
places, didn't you? 

COPELAND: Yeah. Enough to like Arabs 
a lot. I was a kid in Lebanon. We used 
to throw rocks at each other. They 
taught me how to say “You are your 
grandmother's underpants.” A very dose 
and meaningful relationship. My father 
was a consultant to various organiza- 
tions. He told them which officials to 
bribe. Bribery is the natural resource of 
the Mideast, of course, so he was in 
demand. It was great to come back here 
and play to such warm audiences. 
PLAYBOY: What about the album you've 
been writing on this tour? Will it be 
reggae-based again? 

sriNG: We are in danger of being slotted 
as a reggae band. We happen to love 
reggae, but we also like change. We have 
to keep placing demands on oursclves 
and the audience by moving. Toward 
more sophistication, perhaps. 

PLAYBOY: And yet you're dying to break 
really big in America, a notoriously con- 
servative market... 

stine: If you're saying that to succeed 
in America you have to compromise to 
the point of churning out clichécd crap, 
I think you're wrong. I'm more optimis- 
tic about Americans. The point is to 
raise the level of pop. I know how to 
make an album that would sell double 
platinum in America. 

PLAYBOY: What? 

srixc: Heavy metal. No doubt about it; 


27 


© 1981 R.4. REYNOLOS TOBACCO CO. 


Winston 


" » The first ultra 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


Ae 


', 0.5 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method. 


tet T 


M N Уу Ж 


1 N hh 


E 
8 
E 
8 
E 


PLAYBOY 


30 


but I'm not going to do it. The chal- 
lenge is to make them like us on our 
terms. 

pLavsoy: Meaning on a certain level of 
subtlety. How do you maintain that? 
src: By being a trio. We keep one 
nother in check. We're all very good 
musicians, so we like to excel. But we 
stop one another from going over the 
top. showing off in the wrong way. With 
a bigger group. you lose that. But a 
a very strong shape. A three- 
way pull that won't break. Look out the 
window the 
great example of tr 
Amazing. 


power. 
—ALAX PLATT 


REVIEWS 


Remember The Rutles? The Monty 
Python ersatz Beatles? Well. forget them. 
Jtopia's new Deface the Music (Bearsville) 
is now the definitive parody /savaging / 
homage to/of the Fab Four. The arrange 
ments, playing and vocals are a lot more 
solid, for three things. The level of 
satire/rip-off is also higher, so the 
songs—a chronological history from the 
carly / Just Want to Touch You to 
the final Lennonesque Everybody Else 1s 
Wrong—are generally so right on (as we 
said during the White Album period) 
that often you have to listen twice to be 
sure it's not just the real Beatles at their 
dopiest. A fine party record for cynics 
of all ages. 


. 

And to get those cynics dancing, add 
The Specials’ More Specials (Chr is) to 
the stack. IVI appeal especially to De- 
cline of the West buffs. who like to 
fondly remember old Oswald Spengler 
nd boogie, boogie, boogie. There 
definite First World deterioration going 
on here, If we can judge from this LP, 
punk Brit rock decay has so advanced 
that it's presently cool to essay а syn- 
thesis of aftershock colonial Caribbean 
R&B—chiefly a reggae precursor called 
ska—with dashes of straight cornball 
Forties Brill Building schlock-pop and 
World War Three social comment. 
Which means much of it sounds lil 
Room at the Top Beneath the Mush- 
room Clouds in the Jungle. It's good, 
there's-no-Iuture fun—and you can dance 
to it. 


SHORT CUTS 


Charlie Parker / One Night in Chicago (Sa- 
voy): Primitively recorded early bootleg, 
but Bird is brilliant. 

Hubert Laws / Family (Coli mbia): Well- 
done jazz mood music, but do we really 
ed another version of Ravel's Bolero? 
Fat Larry's Bend/ Stand Up (Fantasy): 
Lie down and think thin; maybe they'll 
go away. 

The Leslie Drayton Orchestra / Our Music Is 
Your Musie (Esoteric): He's ambitious, thi 
young trumpeter—and his big band real- 
ly packs a punch. 


FAST TRACKS 


BETWEEN IRAQ AND A HARD PLACE: By the time you read this, the official release of 
Vince Vance & the Valiants’ big hit, Bomb Iran, will have hit the radio waves. 
Bomb Iran is sung to the tune of the old Beach Boys hit Barbara Ann. You remem- 


ber: "Bomb bomb bomb; bomb bomb Iran. . . 


The copublishers of the original 


have agreed to lend the rights to the melody so Bomb Iran can be sold legally. 


JEWSBREAKS: Last summer, CBS re- 

leased, for radio airplay only, an 
interview with Paul McCartney con- 
ducted by journalist Vie Garbarini for 
Musician, Player & Listener m 
zine. Now you, too. сап have 
CBS has pressed a limited edition 
the public . .. On a visit to 
Jashington, DC. technicians who 
work with the rock group Nuclear 
ion, which has been 
g at various antinuke con- 
ound the country, discovered, 


while out play м. that min- 
eral exhibits the Smithsonian 
Institution were emitting potentially 


levels of radioactivity- 
Thats what happens when you let 
rock bands go out in the daytime. 
s with the real Nucle 
Regulatory Commission confirmed 
this, the Smithsonian had leaded glass 
installed around the displays. . . - 
linda Ronstadt is reportedly consider- 
ing another major role in a Broad- 
way musical, Brecht and Weil's The 
Seven Deadly Sins, after Pirates is 
ove . Marty Balin is putting to- 
gether a video disc of his rock opera 
Rock Justice, which tells the sad story 
of a lead singer in a ad who falls 
asleep in the recording studio and 
dreams he is put on trial by members 
of his own group for not producing 
a hit record. The disc should be avail- 
ble right now. . .. At last! Liver- 
pool recognizes her famous native 
sons by naming a block of apart 
ments for the elderly after The Beatles. 
Now we have the answer to “Will 
you still need me, vill you still feed 
me, when I'm 612" . . . Speaking of 
the Fab Four, for the first time ever, 
their records will go on sale in the 
discount bins. . . . Gary Rowe of Rowe's 
Rare Records, 51 West nta Clara 


Street, San Jose, California 95112, 
sells a price guide for 45s. So if 
ve got Elvis’ Rockin’ Tonight on 
Sun label, it’s worth up to 5270 in 
t condition, Or if you've got the 
promo copy of Dylan's Blowin’ in the 
Wind, it's worth $10. Check your 
golden oldies; you might be sitting 
on gold. 

REELING AND ROCKING: 4 Hard Day's 
Night and Help! are due to be rere- 
leased in movie theaters this y 
more than 15 years after they origin: 
ly appeared. United Artists, which 
ed them, relinquished all rights 
to the films some years ago because 
studio executives at the time thought 
The Beatles were a fad that would soon 
fade away. 

RANDOM RUMORS: We hear that when 
E Street keyboardist Roy Bittan’s house 
was struck by lightning. it melted 
down his stereo set. We call that 
burnin’. . . . Mama Mia, Whatta 
Group Department: On a recent 
European Bob Marley and tho 
Woilers drew 180,000 fans in Milan, of 
all places. Some 35,000 people showed 
up at the airport to welcome them 
to town. Reggae sauce on the spa- 
gheu 
ently about to repay an old debt. 
Alter years of closing his shows w 
Gary US. Bonds hit Quarter lo Three, 
The Boss is going to add a song of 
his own to the new Bonds album. . .. 
Peter Tosh’s pro-pot song, Legalize Il, 
has been for sale to minors 
in West Germany. The ban stipulates 
that the record can be sold only under 
the counter. . . . China's—hell. maybe 
the world's—first combination rodeo 
and pop-music concert will be filmed 
and recorded for a TV special and 
that country's premiere Western pop. 
album. — BARBARA NELLIS 


Blaupunkt Innovationsin Automotive Sound 


| Only the new Blaupunkt 3001 . 
has Remote Control Station Scanning 
and Illuminated Controls 


ere is a sophisticated AM/FM Stereo 
Cassette that incorporates two of the 
latest Blaupunkt advances in car stereo. 


Blaupunkt engineers have found a 
way to minimize the aggravation of 
searching out a ion while vou 
drive. The 3001 h; 
processor that, among other things, 
relieves you of twiddling with knobs 
and fine tuning dials to isolate the 
station you want to enjoy. 


Scan manually or 
by remote control 


When you want to 
scan the AM or FM 
spectrum, you simply 
press a knob and the 
microprocessor orders 
an automatic signal 
scanner to do the rest. 
It will lock in each sta- 
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with no interference, for 
five seconds. Then it auto- 
matically advances to the 
quency. ion by sta- 
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like. Just press the knob once more 
to lock in the station of your choice. 


To carry conven- 
iencea step further, 
Blaupunkt furnishes 
you with a remote 
control device which you can 
mount on your dash or your sleer- 
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perform the above scanning opera 
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Illumination for night driving 


Convenience is not the only con- 
ern of Blaupunkt engineers. To 
improve the margin of safety during 
night driving. the essential controls 
on the face of the 3001 are fully 
illuminated. You can expect other 


The essential controls are fully illuminate, 
car stereos to incorporate this fez 
ture sooner or later. At Blaupunkt 
we're used to that. 

The 3001 sells for $630* and is 
part of a complete line of AM/FM 
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Because of its compact chassis plus 
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domestic or import. 


Blaupunkt 3001 Features | 


elsi 


Remote Control Scanner. 
Muminated Station Controls 

I Frequeney Clock Display 
Distance Switch 

Stereo Mono Switch 

ASU (Automatic FM Noise Suppression! 
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e 

Fast Forward 


and Rewind 
Sendust Head. 


e Bass and Treble 

e Fader and Balance 
ape Bias Compensation Switch 
Power OFF E 


Dolby is а registered trademark of Dolby Laboratories 


To see and hear the remarkable 
Blaupunkt 3001, consult the Yellow 
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He'll be glad to give you a free 
demonstration. 


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@BLAUPUNKT 


OIONI Robert Bosch Sales Corporation 


32 


ne of the ironies of our new high-tech 

society is that we don’t even know 
the words for the things we are afraid 
of. It’s only when our complex systems 
fail that we learn such esoteric terms as 
brownout and gridlock. In March of 
1979, our common vocabu took a 
quantum leap with the addition of a 
new frightening term, meltdown. In his 
book Three Island (Random House), 
Mark Stephens gives us a painstakingly 
detailed definition of the word and its 
dire implications. His step-by-step, 
minute-byminute account of the near 
tragedy at T.M.L will give the “no- 
nukers" plenty of ammunition for thei 


crusade. And thats а pity, because 
Stephens’ careful examination of the 
facts reveals that neither nuclear tech- 


nology nor the possibility of a meltdown 
will be the death of us. Indeed, there 
are very old words for what we should 


ar most in the new age. They are 
ance and incompetence. 
. 
As the sou of actor Yul Brynner, 


Rock Brynner had opportunities galor 
private schooling abroad. generous al- 
сез and personal relationships 
with big stars. The Ballad of Habit and 
Accident (Wyndham) is the young Bryn- 
ner's novelistic saga of coming of age in 
the late Sixties and early Seventies, be- 
ginning with his drunken years as a 
Trinity philosophy student in Dublin 
nd following his nomadic veni 
through Europe. Along the wearying 
way. he embraced atheism, sold his body 
for drinking money. had a ізгісі. success- 
Tul fling as a stage actor, dropped acid 
and refused the dividends of his priv- 
ileged life in his narcissistic search for 
self-identity. Brynner's Accident is a ser 
ous wreck. 


lowa 


. 

Is there a recent autobiography that 
is not self-serving, not crammed with 
snappy anecdotes and details of sex 
ries? Yes, Graham Gree 
Escape (Simon & Schuster), an 
biography with scenes as intrigui 
powerful as any Irom his novels. Greene's 
way of escaping from boredom and de- 
presion was to travel to the worlds 
forgotten spots during turbulent times 
In the process, he witnessed Papa Doc's 
tactics in Haiti, French folly in Vietnam, 
the Mau Mau rebellion in Kenya. An 
icredible life, a talented writer 
cinating book. 


. 

For your basic midwinter all-night 
page turner, read Laurence  Leamer's 
novel Assignment (Dial), the unbelievable 
misadventures of a gung-ho television 
heavy and his crew. He might just re- 
ad you of Dan Rather on 60 Minutes. 
Especially when he didn't shave in Af- 


Т.МІ.: The enemy is incompetence. 


The real scare behind Three 
Mile Island's near tragedy; 
forays abroad make Greene's 
autobiography intriguing. 


Escape: wanderlust exquisitely penned. 


ghanistan. Superstar Bob Br. 

us into the jungles of Peru to um 

great cocaine m 

work chairmi 

grave instead. It's a riveting thrill 
. 

Godine Press has again fulfilled. its 
commitment to publish the English lan- 
guage at its best, Benedict Kiely, an 
Irishman and frequent contributor to 


The New Yorker. has captured the es- 
sence of Gaelic charm іп his book of 
short stories, The State of Ireland, without 
resorting to caricature or exploitation. 
He writes not about Mick and P; 
but about Cowboy Carson, who wi 
spurs and boots and talks of rodeos and 
shootouts but has never been beyond 
the borders of his own County Tyrone. 
Each story is as complete, as candid, 
specific as a photograph, yet bonded to a 
passionate overview of the Irish people 
and their island. 


E 
We've just discovered two books of 
essays: Thomas McGuame's An Outside 
Chance (Farrar, Straus К Giroux) and 
Paul Hemphill's Too Old to Cry (Vi 
McGuane's volume is the better written 
its a series of articles on fly casting and 
motocrosing and horse training and 
bonefishing, the details of cach sport 
caught with precision in gleaming prose. 
But Hemphill's anthology of columns 
written lor The Atlanta Journal comes 
across as the more vigorous and personal 
book. Hemphill, always the journalist, 
covers а wide variety of topics: the life 
lance writer, the Vienam war. 
ch weers in midstream. hitch 
hiking across the country. Hemphill c; 
himself an Old Fart, but he pr 
Too Old to Cry that he still h 
good moves. 


of the fre 


aging 


some 


Enough time has passed for the mari- 
reform movement, like the 
decade of Prohibition, to be reviewed 
with some historical perspective; and in 
High in America (Viking), Patrick Ander- 
son docs a remarkable job of it. Central 
to the story is renegade lawyer Keith 
Stroup and the N Organi 
for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, one 
of the strangest and most effective lob- 
bies ever to manipulate politicians, the 
press and public opinion in a ишу 
idealistic if sometimes quixotic crusade. 
There are plenty of heroes and villains 
and a few buffoons. all critically ex- 
amined down to their grass roots. And 
there are plenty of stories behind the 
stories—of coups, blunders, busts, plots 
and skulduggerous politicking—well re- 
searched, finely writtei 

. 


book of photo- 
graphs by Rosımond Wolff Purcell, ar- 
ived in our offices too late to be included 
in the holiday gift-book roundup. But 
these photographs are too special not 
to mention. Purcell's work, both in color 
and in black and white, is intricate, 
surreal, provocative, beyond the pat def- 
initions usually applied to such art. She 
is considered one of the leading Ameri- 
an photographic talents—and this vol- 
ume is filled with vivid proof of that. 


No one has been able to 
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Our men's boots are benc 
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They aren't rolled off the 
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Since 1863, Frye has been 
another nome for quality. 


It always will be. 


That's because we're proud 
of the personal attention we 
give to details. In fact, ct 
Frye, personal pride in the 
finished product is the rule, 
not the exception. 


No one creates trends in 
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Classic. Western. Casual. 
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Our styles may change, 
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THE HERITAGE CLUB 
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36 


MOVIES 


and Howard 
Hughes in the eccentric, irresistible open- 
ing scene of Melvin and Howard (Univer- 
sal History was made, or possibly 
fabricated, back in 1967, when Dum- 
mar—a blue-collar Jack-of-all-trades— 
picked up the stranded tycoon on a 
remote stretch of highway, lent him a 
bit of small change and later came 
nto possession ol a will naming him 
heir to one 16th of the vast Hughes 
estate. Dummar's case was ruled out by 
a Utah court in 1978, two years after 
Hughes's death. It was natural to hope 
that Melvin and Howard would either 
shed new light on the facts or develop 
the relationship between the two men 
into a charming film fable, Writer Bo 
Goldman and director Jonathan Demme 
took a different tack, and not an espe 
cially sharp one. Robards, as Hughes, dis- 
appears just as the movie's getting 
started. The rest of it is a slightly 
patronizing, fitful kitchen comedy about 
the dishwater-dull life of Dummar, who 
writes terrible songs (Santa's Souped-up 
Sleigh, for one—and the film's fun is at 

s best when he forces Hughes to sing 
it. Melvin wins the М n of the 
Month title, nudges his first wife onto an 
L.A. game show called Easy Street and 
proves himself to be a reckless big spend- 
er who dreams in the shadow of the 
repo man. 

Sorry to say, I could not bring myself 
to give a damn about any of this and 
finally concluded that Dummar must, 
deed, be a con man whose major 
achievement was stirring up so much 
publicity that they made a movie about 
him. That Melvin and Howard is merely 
ordinary is not the actors’ fault. Le Mat, 
as Dummar, treads a fine line between 
innocence and asininity without quite 
falling on his face. Mary Steenburgen 
and Pamela Reed, as his wives, both per- 
form fetchingly. Although Stcenburgen 
has the best bits as a down-home tootsie 
who marries Melvin twice (and leaves 
him frequently to try her luck dancing 
in honky-tonks), she has to push her fey 
humor pretty hard in an overdone Las 
Vegas wedding scene in which she wad- 
Чез down the aisle, massively pregnant. 
Such mean-spirited mockery is seldom 
the sign of a master at work. Capra and 
Sturges did the ne sort of roguish 
human comedies decades ago, and did 
"em better. ¥¥ 


aul Le Mat and Jason Robards por- 
P way Melvin. Dumma 


. 

The first thing to say about Inside 
Moves (AED), and it's meant as a com- 
pliment, is that they don't make movies 
like this one anymore. Richard (Super 
man) Donner's eccentric human com- 
edy—adapted by Valerie Curtin and 
Barry Levinson from Todd Walton's 


Steenburgen bulking large. 


Melvin and Howard disappoints, 
but Inside Moves' 
misfits have soul. 


Scarwid and Savage making Moves. 


novel—has the dreamy old-time flavor of 
a William Saroyan play, lavishing affec- 
tion on some amiable misfits in a neigh- 
100d gin mill. Fade to Max's Bar 
in Oakland, California, a haven for crip- 
ples of all sorts because there's a hospital 
nearby. Then brace yourself while I 
divulge that the heroes of the piece are 
John Savage as Roary, a young man per- 
manently twisted after he fails to kill 
himself jumping off a ten-story building, 
and David Morse as Jerry, a stif-legged 
bartender who needs a costly operation 
before he can get a shot at making it in 
semipro basketball. The would-be ball- 
player is in love with a junkie prostitute 


(Amy Wright), while the failed suicide 


falls for a blonde barmaid (promising 
newcomer Diana Scarwid) who's slightly 
hung up about making love to a lad with 
a lot of involuntary twitches. All are 
just fine. The rest of the gang at. Max's 
includes a blind man, a black jokester 
in a wheelchair and a poker addict with 
hooks for hands (played by Harold 
Russell, 1916 Academy Award winner 
for The Best Years of Our Lives). The 
concerns of Inside Moves are love and 
friendship and people with dreams—and 
emotional cripples who arc otherwise 
sound of limb. Pure fan 
realistic manner of Rocky. And I wish E 
could add that it’s not corny. Well, it 
is corny, occasionally corny as hell. It's 
so original and winning and exception- 
ally well acted, however, that Donner's 
bizarre characters may finally captivate 
you, as they did me. Despite glaring 
flaws, Moves has soul. YYY 
. 

There is no hotter number in Fr 
cinema than Isabelle Huppert, maki 
her U.S. movie debut in Mich 
Cimino's Heaven's Gate (not yet re- 
viewed at presstime). In two films re- 
prised at New York's fall film festival 


after prestigious spring premieres at 
Can Huppert shows that she has 


tremendous range as well as magnetic 
scr presence. Jean-Luc Godard's Every 
Man for Himself (New Yorker-Zoetrope) 


struck me as a new miracle sleeping 
potion in film form, though dogged 


Godard devotees—their idol hadn't made 
a movie in ycars received it with due 
reverence, as if he had just come down 
from the mountain wearing a crown of 
light. 1 find Godard's mannered, listless, 
episodic narrative a drag u Huppert 
appears, pla a bored but obedient 
prostitute in a quasi-pornographic se- 
quence subtitled “Commerce.” She is 
adpan, thus sncakily comic, 
businessman, accompanied by an 
underling, who orchestrates a. mini-orgy 
as if he were an efficiency expert (“Apply 
the lipstick only when he licks your 
mss... . suck only when I press your tits 
with my foot"). The sc 
even naive—as if Godard had just dis- 
covered the decadent emptiness of la 
dolce vita—but Huppert makes that sex- 
ual side trip an enticing turn in a waste- 


A far more sexy, pointed and percep- 
tive look at m. 'oman relationships is 
Maurice Pialats gritty modern romance 
Loulou (Gaumont-New Yorker), w 
teams Huppert with Gérard Depardieu 
to create sizzling screen chemistry. They 
certainly make Loulow come alive. The 
title role—his, not hers—belongs to 
beefy, bull-necked Depardieu, who may 
be the natural successor to such macho 


Rd EEN 
! ІП I 3 
ТИШЕ? TRIUMPH P 
8 IUMPH | 
' | 


4 


| FILTER Ў 
| 3mg'laro4 
“2 MENTHOL 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined SESTO E) 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


Filter. 3 mg. "tar," 0.4 mg. ricotine av. per cigarette, FIC Report Jan. 1980: 
Menthol: 3 mq. “tar,” 0,4 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC Method. 


p ] 


T-Month Unlimited Mileage Warranty — 


“Offered only in the 48 contiguous United Statesand Alaska. Refer to US. Suzuki "GS Model Limited Warranty Policy” at Suzukl dealerships. A Similar warranty is offered In Canada. 


it our very bests, Se 


[i 
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Suzuki's 1980 GS-1100E has been called, ”...the best all-around al MT 
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Not surprising. After all, we put our best all-around EM 
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Power source is a 4-stroke DOHC 4-cylinder engine with 
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Brakes consist of slotted twin discs up front with 
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Performance and reliability. That's why 73 of the top 100 
radio stations that use turntables use Technics direct-drive 
turntables. In fact, of those stations surveyed by Opinion 
Research Corporation, Technics was chosen 6 to 1 over our 
nearest competitor. 

Why did station engineers choose Technics direct drive: 
“Low rumble"—as low as -78 dB. “Fast start"—as fast as 
0.7 sec. "Wow and flutter"—as low as 0.025%. "Direct drive 
and constant speed” — as constant as 99.998%. Perhaps 
one engineer said it best when he described Technics direct 
drive as the “latest state of the art” 

But Technics state of the art goes beyond performance. 


Station engineers also depend on Technics direct-drive 
turntables because of "reliability and past experience” as 
well as "quality and durability" In fact, the most listened 
to classical music station, WOXR in New York, has depend- 
ed on Technics direct-drive turntables since 1972. 

You'll choose Technics direct-drive turntables for the 
same performance and reliability that's made Technics 
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Technics and hear theScience of Sound. 


Technics 


The science of sound 


French superst; 


s as Jean-Paul Belmondo 
and Jean Gabin. Loulou is an amiabl 
unemployed former jailbird and full-time 
stud who claims women love him for his 
cock. He's not far wrong. according to 
Nelly (Huppert), who spitelully leaves 
her jealous husband (Guy Marchand). a 
successful businessman, and moves into 
a hotel with picking him 
up on impulse at a dance hall. Nelly 
pays the rent, deliberately trading securi- 
ty for “a good fuck” with professional 
layabout Loulou "because he's with me 
all the time." Their erotic idyl begins to 
slump under the pressure of abortion, 
economics and unsynchronized 
views: but while they've got it, 
flaunt it so persuasively th. 


Loulou alte 


social 
they 
you may 
forget to wonder what the movie is tr 
ing to say—beyond the obvious pitch for 
sure-fire passion in a world where "no 
one’s in love anymore . . . everyone's 
breaking up.” Pialat seldom spells things 
out. With Huppat and Depardicu, he 
doesn't have to. YYY 

. 

Looking older, slower in tempo but 
right on the beat, Frank Sinatra returns 
after а long absence from the screen in 
The First Deadly Sin (Filmways). Fans of 
Lawrence Sanders’ novel have found 
fault, I hear, with the way the movie 
ends, Yet the ending works for the film, 
which is 


honest, intelligent, 


sluggish 
here and there but altogether an engross- 
ing suspense drama. To call it a thriller 
ht lead you to expect more kicks than 
you'll get, though the plot concerns a 
psychopath (David Dukes) who's out in 
the dark New York sucets doing in his 
with a mountaincer's ісе ham- 
mer. Sinatra plays the detective Ed De- 
lancy, whose wife (Faye Dunaway) lies 
dying in a hospital while he becomes 
obsessed with saving lives any way he 
can—since he's due for retirement and 
justifiably cynical about whether or not 
the law will catch up with a crazed 
killer who turns out to be white, affluent 
and well connected. As directed by Brian 
Hutton, Deadly Sin seldom soars but 
carns respect after a needlessly gory 
opening scene. Why Dunaway, always a 
take-charge actress, wanted this thankless 
bedridden role baflles me, though she has 
one ol the longest death scenes on rec 
ord (and that may answer my question) 
папа selLelfacing performance is 
absolutely first-rate, and trust ОГ Blue 
Eyes, doubling as executive producer, to 
put himself in fast company—he's backed 
up with auth and humor by Dukes 
James Whitmore, Brenda Vaccaro, An- 
thony Zerbe and Martin Gabel. ¥¥¥ 
E 

The college professor's wife discovers 
he's having an affair with a beautiful 
coed, so she evens the score by balling 
a young handy man who comes to put 
up bookshelves. In short order, the mix 
and-match foursome goes off together to 
spend the mid-term holidays at a coun- 


victims 


Crooner turns crime fighter in Sin. 


Ol’ Blue Eyes is cool as a 
hot cop; Bo's back, but 
Season's no “10.” 


Bo, Hopkins poorly Seasoned. 


пу house. Then the married 


couple's 
grown daughter shows up. followed by 


the coed's anxious father. The daughter 
(Marybeth Hurt) uses terms such as 
"this sleazy little farce," which turns out 


to be a reasonably accurate description 
of A Change of Seasons (Fox). Sleazy but 
trying hard to be slick and chic. The main 
men in the case are England's Anthony 
Hopkins as the philandering prof, Michael 
Brandon as his rival—with Hopkins so 
deadly earnest he appears to have no time 
for comedy (Who's Afraid of Virginia 
Woolf? would be more his speed). “Teach- 
ing these days is like opening rıaynov 
magazine,” sighs Hopkins: it's as good a 
line as any with which to bring on coed 
Bo Derek, still looking like a tem in a part 
Га rank no higher than five. Crisp and 
capable as ever, Shirley MacLaine reprises 
the role she plays with much greater success 
in Loving Couples, yet another 40ish lady 
who holds on to her young stud until 
she gets tired of his Elementary Body 


English 101. Not surprisingly, Erich 
(Love Story) Segal shares credit for 
“hange of Seasons’ story and screenplay, 
and his patented brand of unabashed 
banality is visible throu 
. 

On Broadway, Bernard Slade’s Tribure 
(Fox) was anything but a great play, 
though it provided a great vehicle for 
Jack Lemmon as Scottie Templeton—a 
laughaminute New York press agent 
who discovers he has terminal cancer 
and wants to make peace with his 21- 


year-old som before tap-dancing into 
eternity. Preserved almost intact, Lem- 
mon's portrayal still sustains Tribute 


through thick, thin, slushy, sentimental 
and the genuinely poignant, right up to 
a climactic tear-jerking testimonial scene 
that may be the most maudlin 10 or 15 
minutes in the history of modern cinema. 
Humor becomes gallantry in such circum- 
stances, and Tribute’s hero has a superior 
collection of straight men in Robby Ben- 
son as the serious-minded son, Lec Remick 
as Scotties former wife, Colleen. Dew 
hurst as his doctor. Kim Catrall provides 
marginal love interest, with raunchier 
sex appeal by Gale Garnett, in a nifty 
bit as the callgirl whom Scottie has 
shared with all his closest chums. Finally. 
Tribute is a misuse of top talent, a 
frustratingly undistinguished 
маву and heavy-handed that director 
Bob Clark wears out his audience with 
sheer emotional overkill. УУ 
. 

Made in German, in Germany, From 
the Life of the Marionettes (AFD) is virtual 
ly all talk, and would probably be 
little more than a morbid case history il 


movi 


so 


done by anyone other than Ingmar 
Bergman. With Bergman controlling the 


strings, though, every scene is hypnotic, 
played right up to the bearable thresh- 
old of emotional torment by a German 
company of unknowns who seem as 
skillful as their Swedish counterparts of 
yore. Robert Avorn as a handsome, 
affluent young businessman who murders 
a prostitute and Christine Buchegger as 
the ballbusting wife who taunts him 
with the little spa 
tion she has eked out durin 
years in his bed make marriage seem 
synonymous with a suicide pact. Rita 
Russek as the unlucky whore, Martin 
Benrath and Walter Schmidinger 
family shrink and the wile's gay business 
partner, respectively, аге perfect, and 
perfectly chilling. You're not going to 
have a very good time with these people, 
and Marionettes is photographed (by 
Bergman's reliable Sven Nykvist) in 
grainy, desolate black and white—only 
a moment or two of murder and mad 
ness suddenly burst into color. as if en- 
joyment, much less any hint of humor, 
were irrelevant ar a certain level of 
ous film making. Still, who ever went 
to a Bergman movie for laughs? ҰҰҰ 
“REVIEWS BY BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


“wretched 


as” of 


sati. 


is the 


sei 


41 


PLAYBOY 


42 


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Small Ads Like This? 


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MOVIE SCORE CARD 


capsule close-ups of current films 
by bruce williamson 


Bye Bye Brazil Seedy but seductive 
showbiz, the South American way. ¥¥¥ 
A Chonge of Seasons (Reviewed this 
month) Under-the-weather sex come- 
dy Y 
Every Man for Himself (Reviewed this 
month) Women and children first 
Give Huppert a nine, Godard a 
zero. Y 
The First Deadly Sin (Reviewed this 
month) Si deftly copping in. ¥¥¥ 
Flash Gordon A rather faint 
but good bad guys, especially a 
hunk of rare old Ming by Max von 
Sydow. yy 
From the Life of the Marionerres (Re- 
1 this month) In; Bergman 


ash 


on sex, mar and murder. 
Grim. yyy 

Hopscotch Undoing the CIA with 
Walter Mathau and Glenda 
Jackson. yyy 


The Idolmaker A: 
rock stars, Ray 


tor of Fifties 
arkey shines, УУ 
Inside Moves (Reviewed this month) 
Winning losers in a friendly bar. ¥¥¥ 
165 My Turn Jill Clayburgh, Michael 
Douglas and Charles Grodin in a love 
triangle with very few sharp points. Y 
Loulou (Reviewed this month) Нир. 
pert and Depardieu giving good 
French yyy 
Loving Couples Frothy recap of every 
thing Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice 
ever wanted to know about sex. УУУ 
Melvin end Howard (Reviewed this 
month) Dummar than expected. УУ 


One-Trick Pony Inside а Sixties pop 
star—written by and starrin; 1 Si- 
mon, who obviously knows it all. YYY 

Ordinary People One of your better 
bets in the 1980 Oscar race, superbly 
directed by Robert Redford. УУУУ 
Ме Benjamin Solid Goldie Hawn, 


telling the world how a nice Jewish 
girl outmancuvers the U. 8. Army. УУУ 

Resurrection The faith healer and the 
country boy, smashingly played by 
Ellen Burstyn and Sam Shepard. YYY 

Stardust Woody Allen's 
woebegone noncomedy about how sad 


Memories 


to be rich, famous and funny. ¥¥ 
The Stunt Men A wildly 
movie movie, with Peter O'Toole 
swaggering as the director. vw 
Tribute (Reviewed this month) Jack 
Lemmon in a tragicomedy about a 


original 


dying flack, Better on Broadway. YY 


YYYY Don't miss 
YYY Good show 


YY Worth a look 
Y Forget it 


į DL 
= A 
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) ty 
i 
remm 
\ # HER nome Ф T m 
= m" ж ù en 
* = a? 
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Bow uie $ á a — 
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If lately your favorite recordings sound like they’re gradually 
unrecording, it could be the tape they're on. 

You see the oxide particles on some tapes just aren’t bound on 
very well. And when the oxide particles come off, your music 
could come off sounding faded and weak. 

Maxell, however, has developed a unique binding process that 
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So with Maxell, even if you play a tape 
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44 


TELEVISION 


john Steinbeck's East of Eden will take 
J up severa and at least seven 
ime-time hours as an. ABC. Novel for 
ҚТ te LE седа, MAR Tre 
January or February (watch your local 
listings: there'll be plenty of advance 
ballyhoo). The 1955 movie version di- 
read by Elia Kazan made James Di 
a legend. but this one won't do much 
for Sam Bottoms, who substitutes simple 
competence for Dean's stunning cl 
ma. Shorn of the Steinbeck prose. Eden 


plays like rich, trashy melodrama. a 
sweeping American saga of sibling rival- 
ry and sin. The sons of Cyrus Trask 


(Warren Oates) are Charles (Bruce Bos 
leitner) and Adam (Timothy Bottoms), 
who start their Cain-and-Abel conflict 
in rural. Connecticut circa 1865. By 
time of World War One. A 
moved to Sal alifornia. to т; 
two sons (Tim's brother Sam 
Dean role as Cal, with F 
unlucky Aron). Lloyd Bridges 
r are outstanding in lesse 
roles, but Eden's moving spirit is Adam's 
wife, the diabolical Cathy. who leaves hei 
sons and husband to run a Monterey 
whorehousc- she has burned 
up her father, screwed 
her wed- 
ht, tried to abort her unborn 


the 


nd 
Adam's brother Charles on 


ding n 


husband. She's 
England's exquisite 
her with relish, thoi 
like a lady born to 
idwiches. Raymond 


bble 
Massey 


played 
Adam powerfully on film back in 1955. 


while Jo Van Fleet won Oscar as 
his wife, and that's the sort of difference 
that makes TV seem to be kid stuff. 
Richard Shapiro's teleplay and Harvey 
Hart's direction goose East of Eden into 
existence as a viable pop drama with 
plenty of heart but very little art. 
. 

Edging into 1981, we can all be grate- 
ful for the kind of Anglo-American 
effort that produces The Shock of the New, 
tesy of BBC-TV апа Time-Life 
Written and presented by Time's 
alian-born rt critic Robert 
Hughes—a genial, smashingly articulate 
host hereby nominated as this year's top 
candidate for the highbrow TV honor 
once monopolized by Kenneth Clark on 
Civilisation—this superb eight-part series 
on PBS beginning in mid vy will 
either blow your mi ve it a damned 
good airing. "Not a history and not a 
of the monuments," Hughes says in 
t episode, a vivid exposition of 
n in art, relating the works of 
que and others to fight, 


s light. Marconi’s wireless, Ein- 
's theories and the Eiffel Tower. In 
episode two, The Powers That Be, 


Seymour as Eden's temptress. 


TV's fine renditions of 
Steinbeck and Stevenson 
make novels come alive again. 


t and architecture 
ments. moving from 
Hitler's Ger 
many to Fascist Italy. winding up with 
some wry words about Washington's 
Kennedy Center and Lincoln Center in 
New York as “solemn parody" or "high- 
led kitsch.” made to order for "the 
4% 100 Great Books bound in hand- 
tooled Mises 
arch of Louis 
es much better in episode 
four.) Hughes's nearly indescribable one- 
man show is egghead material but end- 
lessly entert ve, enlightening 
above all. It's a vivid crash. course in 
modern art and modern living. 
. 

British pre-eminence in PBS program- 
has its rewards. 1 wont compl 
about it. though 1 wonder sometimes 
whether our cultural exchange nets Ihem 
anything better than Police Woman and 
Dallas. | hope so. At any rate, England 
during World War Two will take over 
Masterpiece Theatre's Sunday 
time slot on PBS from J 
March 29 with Danger UXB. 
refers to unexploded bombs and the 
daring young men who were sent out to 
defuse them in 1940, while London 
endured the Blitz. This is a tough. real- 
istic, harrowing look at history, celebrat- 

ag the heroism of men who received 
only perfunctory training. since tn 
average life expectancy on the job w 
approximately seven weeks. Created and 
produced by John Hawkesworth (who 


Hughes illustrates 
s political stat 
Со 


пу 4 to 
The tide 


also produced Upstairs, Downstairs and 
The Duchess of Duke Street), the series 
offers a complete story each week, wit 
a basic but destructible cast of 
lars headed by Anthony Andrews. who 
looks custom fit to follow in Michael 
Caine’s footsteps. Danger UXB is dyn: 
mite in many ways solid hold-your- 
breath adventure for grown-up boys. 
. 

Dyed-in-thewool fans of one of the 
nation’s longest television series 
will love Making M*A*S*H, to be 
most PBS stations January 21. 

пау wish its 90-minute length had been 

trimmed to 60. But the special, narrated 
by Mary Tyler Moore. ollers considerable 
insight (through | back-of-the-soundstage 
peeks at scenes being shot and dozens of 
interviews with actors 4 behind-the- 
amera personnel) into the chemistry that 
kept this antiwar comedy going on 
commercial TV 197: 
changes of producer, writer 
actors en route 


since surviving 


. 
PBS’ weekly Myste 
ry sixth with 
tion of Robert. Louis Stevenson's classic 


Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde (Vincent Price, by 
the way, replacing Gene Shalit аз series 
hos). As newly interpreted. by adaptor 

ad director Alastair Reid. 


the tandem tile 


vid Hemmings 
ad Lisa Harrow 
Hyde seems a psyche- 
delic trip triggered by mescal and other in- 
toxicating potions. Although st 
sesed up—1 doubt that any previous Mr 
Hyde was ever so explicitly enamored of 
bondage and child abusc—and modern 
ized without shedding its elegant vin 
trappings, Stevenson's story seems to 
thrive on this contemporary resonance. 
and Hemmings gets deep in the Hyde 
ot it. 


. 

On January 20, Mystery! car 
with four weekly episodes of Malice Afore- 
thought. Based on а mous 
English cri icis Hes, this 
TV adaptation is wusly wicked 
comedy about a randy, henpecked y 
doctor (Hywel Bennet) who pursues sev- 
eral ladies. administers his wife a lethal 
dose of morphine and serves sandwiches 
laced with deadly Bacillus botulinus to 
other people on his enemies list before 
he's through. There's never any question 
of whodunit. The doctor done it. and 
Malice all but licks its chops over the 
irony of how this homicidal Walter 
Mitty is finally made 10 pay for the 
rong crime. Га call the style of the 
piece pastoralamoral, and English to 
the bone. вл. 


es on 


па 


х COMING ATTRACTIONS >: 


pot Gossip: The irrepressible Chuck 

Borris is at it again, gearing up for 
another circus of the airwaves, this one 
to be called The Million-Dollar Talent 
Show. Set for à September 1981 release 
on syndicated TV, the hourlong week- 
ly show to be hosted by Barris will be 
taped in Los Angeles. Contestants can 
be either amateur or professional but 
must be relatively unknown: ten judges 
will be picked at random from the 
udience. As for the payo weekly win- 
ners will receive 510000 and go to the 
sem l of 40 wii 
will compete for the ultimate prize of 
1.000.000 smackers. Faye Dunaway 
will play Eva Perón and James Forentino 
hubby Juan in the TV version of 
Evila. . ` . Steve Martin ought to be а busy 
fellow this year. with starring roles in 
two feature films. The first. will be 
MGM's Pennies from Heaven, with Herb 
Ress directing. Next stop is Universal, 


nals, where a tot 


ners 


Dunaway Barris 


with Carl Reiner directing The Three 
Faces of Steve... . John (The Elephant 
Man) Hurt will play the role of Jesus 
Christ in Mel Brooks's The History of 
the World Part 1. Filming was recently 
completed on the Last Supper sce 
which Brooks plays—who — ¢lse?—the 
waiter Actor Stuart Whitman will pro- 
duce and star in a remake of the Kipling 
classic Gunga Din. The original. filmed 
іп 1939, starred Cary Grant, Douglas Foi 
banks, Je, and Victor Melaglen, with Som 
Joffe, later the frizzletopped, avuncular 
medic on Ben Casey, as the titular In- 
dian water boy. 


e in 


. 

FATHER-DAUGHTER acts: Every now and 
1hen. treated to a film that 
such a triumph of casting that all other 
considerations seem to fall by the way- 
side. On Golden Pond is such a film. 
Directed. by Mark Rydell, Pond's star-stud- 
ded line-up Katha: 
Jane Fonda and Henry Fonda. Not only is 
it the first time | 
her father, it is also the first t 
Fonda has worked with Hep 
fact, believe it or not, prior to this film, 
Henry Fonda and Katharine. Hepburn 
had never even met). А 
the film deals with dh 
a New En 


we are 


features 


e Hepburn, 


nc 


ensemble piece, 
ee generations of 
and family confronting one 


another throughout one emotionally 
charged summer. Hepburn and Hank 
play Ethel and Norman Thayer, still 
passionately in love alter 48 years of 
m ge. Jane plays their daughter 
Chelsea, 40ish. disaffected and perpetual- 
ly at odds with her parents. Says director 
Rydell: "This story is not a topical one. 
It deals with elemental issues—family 


Fondo Fondo 


relationships, aging. love and the con- 
ficis that exist in all human beings. Its 
a profound story told with great wit. All 
the drama is drawn out of character. My 
best moments as a director have always 
come from working with a virtuoso. And 
with this film, Im not just dealing with 
one master but several" Jane's role, I'm 
told. calls for quite a few volatil 
changes between ler and. Hepbu 
Rydell finds that aspect of the film partic- 
ularly interesting, "Each is unque: 

riginal,” he says, "yet there's 


an 


lel to be glimpsed in the fierce in 


par 
dependence 
What a matdi 


nd cindor of each woman 


. 

WHEREFORE ART THOU, p.&.? If hijacker 
D. B. Cooper is alive, and if he's living 
somewhere near movie theater, he 
ought to get a chuckle or two out of 
Pursuit, Universal's film version of his 
escapade, due out this summer. Based 
solely on 4. D. Reed's novel Free Fail, the 
flick stars Treat Williams as Cooper and 


oe Л 


Duvall Williams 


Robert Duvall as his pursucr. The movie, 
made without cooperation [rom the FBI, 
postulates that Cooper did. indeed, jump 
out of the plane (certain skeptics con- 
tend that he did not) and that just be- 
fore jumping he uttered some sort of 
a@yptic remark to one of the steward- 
esses. The remark has meaning to Du- 


vall, an ex-Green Beret instructor turned 
insurance investigator, who concludes 
Irom it that Cooper was one of his 
тесп Beret trainees. The rest is, of 
course, one long chase. “The only thing 
based on fact,” says one source close to 
the production. “is the hijacking itself 


sou 


The rest is total dramatization.” AL 
though D. B. Cooper mythology cer- 
inly abounds. the film makers did 


happen to come ad 
bit of t 
Duvall and 
local who told 


director Buzz К 
them of a guy who used to disappear 
for weeks at a time, then return to town 
to date the local's daughter. Just prior 
to the Cooper hijacking, the fellow 
described as a "queer duck. 

peared again—but three days after 
hijacking. sent the daughter а postcard 
saying he had come into a great deal of 
money. The card bore an Oregon post- 
mark. Cooper supposedly bailed out 
over Oregon. The postcard writer was 
never heard from 


. 
OPEC SCHMOPEC: i 


oil tycoon creates 
an artificial gas shortage by hoarding 
oil, resulting in panic buyi 

ists. Ш that sounds like a rather grim 
s the premise of a 
idventure comedy called 


by motor- 


news story 
new С: 


Us not—i 


dian 


Shover Anspach 


Set for Easter release. the fick 
Stars Sterling Hayden as the tycoon. Susan 
Anspach as a Jane Fonda type of TV 
reporter who uncovers the plot and 
Helen Shaver as a slightly dizzy prostitute 
who operates a bordello on wheels and, 
while entertaining a visiting Arab sheik, 
gets involved in the crisis. “I've never 
done one of these Meatballsıype pic- 
tures before,” says Anspach, who got her 
first big brcak some ycars F 
Easy Pieces. 7125 been cr did 
one chase scene featuring some Italians 
i round with fish 
ad of Japanese tourists watches 
It's just wild" Shaver. whose credits 
include The Amityville Horror and the 
VV series United States, is enthusiastic 
°1 love my character.” s. "She's 
a whore with a heart as big as all out- 
doors." —JOHN BLUMENTHAL 


Gas. 


dead while 


she si 


45 


46 


PLAYBOY'S TRAVEL GUIDE 


By STEPHEN BIRNBAUM 


1 po A LOT of raving about so-called 
alternate accommodations—vacation re- 
treats that are anything other than a con- 
nal hotel room. The genre includes 
every sort of holiday hideaway, from a 
midtown apartment rental to a beachside 
villa; but by far the most accessible— 
and economical—is the resort condon 
tment. 

parison purposes, it's impor- 
tant to understand that I'm talking 
about spending your holiday in a lush, 
completely furnished apartment that 
may have cost its owner more than half a 
million bucks, while you pay the same 
price (or less) that you'd pay for some run- 
of-the-mill hotel double. And in terms of 
sheer space, any resort-condominium lay- 
out—even the smallest—is easily equal to 
the most commodious hotel suite and i 
usually substantially larger 

ice of a couple of bedrooms 
itchen makes the comparison 
even more pleasant, since you can share 
the rental with other couples and use the 
kitchen facilities to save even morc on 
normally high-priced resort meals. You 
can't imagine the pleasure that can be 
derived from the simple act of brewing 
your own cup of coffee in the me 
ing, rather than. paying two 


Maid service and complete 
s—plus extras that may 
» system, barbecue and color ТУ 
usually eliminate any threat that menial 
work might mar a vacation. 

Bur rather than dwell on generalities, 
here's a representative, though hardly 
complete, list of the sorts of condo 
rentals being olfered this winter. 


inium 


nawan 


At the plush Wailea resort on the 
island of Maui—where the sports facil- 
ities include two superb golf courses, 11 
ten courts, five beaches, 
restaurants, а all self-contained town 
and the 10,000 foot peak of Hale 
volcano as background, there are hu 
of rental units able. A studio apart- 
ment in high season (through April 19, 
1981) costs from $65 to $ day and 
comfortably accommodates two. Two 
bedroom, two-bath units go for from 
$165 to $250 a night—if shared by a 
couple of couples, $41.25 to 569.50 per 
person per night. In terms of value, a 
three-bedroom layout, which three cou- 
ples can enjoy in consummate comfort, 
is even һсист—$975 to $325 a 
After April 20, all the rates drop sub- 
ntially. Detailed information is readily 
ailable from Vilcor Hawaii, Lid., by 
calling (toll-free) 800-367-5246. 


f a dozen 


vail 


st 


THE CONDO OPTION 


At luxury resorts, rent a 
condo for the ultimate in 
comfort, spaciousness—and value. 


Wailca is located on the central coast 
line of Maui, while Kapalua's Bay Villas 
lie just below the mountains of west 
Maui. These are the lushest digs at this 
posh oasis, and the most expensive 
commodations (those facing the ocean) 
are two-bedroom, three-bath units that 
rent for $180 а day, not bad for looking 
out at one of Haw; beautiful 
sunsets. Again, full information is avail- 
able at 800-367-5035. 


s most 


COLORADO 


There are just as many spectacular 
ski condominiums for dedicated. down- 
hillers as there are tropical hideaways. 
In elegant Aspen, for example, a two- 
bedroom condo runs from 5194 to $300 a 
night, or $31 to 575 per person per night 
in deepest snow season. 
Other good bargains 
Fork Valley аге found 
down the road at Snowmass. There are 
studio apartments at Lichenhearts for 
from $75 to $115 a night, but for my 
money, I'd again go the couple-of couples 
route. You can rent a two-bedroom unit 
right on the slopes at Interlude, Enclave 
or Crestwood for prices that range from 
5125 to $22: Миу. That means a daily 
(or nightly) cost for a foursome of from 
531.95 to $56.25 per person. Aspen rental 
data is available through. Aspen. Central 
Reservations at 503-925-9000; 
bookings through 303-923-2000, 
Vail is considered by many to be Colo- 


the Roaring 
little farther 


ado's most active après-ski address, and 
t, too, offers a host of condominium 
ntal b; ins. The Vail Racquet Club, 
for example, lets a two-bedroom apart- 
ment (that can be shared by four people) 
for only 115 a night (through March 27, 
1981). If you don’t have your calculator 
handy. that computes to $28.75 a. person 
per night. An extra person bunking in 
one of these condos (sleeping on an extra 
cot—or even on the floor—is hardly an 
uncommon ski-area phenomenon) costs an 
extra cight dollars a night. From March 
28 through April 19, rates go down pre. 
ipitously, and that’s really bargain time 

There's usually still plenty of 
snow on vast Vail Mount. d il you 
want to ski Colorado in the cheap. that's 
the time to do it, You can consult the Vail 
Resort Association's. central-reservatioi 
folks at 303-176-5677. 

I have a particular fondness for the 
Keystone arca, not only because it's so 
close to Denver but also because the 
Ralston Purina corporate critters who 
own it recently purchased wild Arapahoe 
Basin up the valley, so its snow-ski sea- 
son is now among the longest in the 
Rockie so like the fact that although 
all the condos mentioned in this column 
olfer full maid service, complete kitchen 
facilities and bed and bathroom equip- 
ment, Keystone also routinely provides 
freshly chopped wood for the fireplace. 
A two-bedroom condo at Keystone can 
cost as little as 5106 a night, which, when 
shared by a compatible quartet, comes 
out to 526.50 each. A four-bedroom 
out—the most luxurious of the lot—c: 
accommodate eight, and prices ra 
from 5174 to $250 per night. For infor- 
mation, call 303-168-9316. 


FLORIDA 
Walt Disney World is the world’s most 
popular vacation destination and last 


year hosted 14.000.000 visitors. Knowl 
edgeable W.D.W. visitors recover from 
all the org 
ries of vil 
is not a cutesy nicknam 


nized carryingson in the se 


as and tree houses (this latier 


literally de 


scribes some very romantic small apart- 
ments that are set in the top o a гес") 
well away from the main amusement 


park. There are three golf courses on 
the property, abundant tennis facilities 
and lots of other distinctly grown-up. 
non-Mickey Mouse facilities that have 
nothing to do with rides and shows 
for tots, A two-bedroom villa or tree 
house—either of which will easily ac- 
commodate six—costs only SHO a night 
At 51822. per person. this is one of the 
very best travel bargains anywhere 
W.D.W. central reservations will 
data, or call them at 305-828-8000. 
1f you prefer chic to shriek, you ma 


send. 


want to mosey down the east coast of 
Florida 1:0 fashionable Boca Raton, 
where Arvida's 1436-асге resort and club 
called Boca West boasts a trio of cham 
pionship golf courses, 25 
swimming pools, bicycle and jogging 


tennis courts, 


trails and just about 
facility you can imagine. In high season 
(December 15 to May 5), a one-bedroom 
villa costs $130 a night, while two-bed- 
room units go for S220 a night. So you 
easily can enjoy the best of a Florida 
vacation with little Florida glitz. For in- 
0137 


y other sports 


formation, call 800 


VERMONT 


Good ski-condo bargains are hardly 
restricted to the Rockies, and the North 
cast has at least as many cozy nooks in 
which to holc up on a cold winter night 
At Stratton Mountain, for example, the 
Shattarack Trailside condominiums al- 
low residents to ski directly from their 
front door to the Tamarack triple chair 
lift. and lush two-bedroom 


уош start 
5155 per night. Reservations are m 
through Stratton Real Estate, 802 


arther north at Stowe, Holm Condo 
miniums offer one-bedroom digs for from 
565 a day, and they advertise that that 
unit can house four in rel: 
(two on a fold-out sofa). Their rates lor 
two-, three- and four-bedroom units like- 
wise represent some of Stowe's best bar- 
gains. Phone: 802-25348 

The Sugarbush area has always been 
regarded as Vermont's most prestigious 


ve comfort 


address, and Club Sugarbush has extreme- 
ly comfortable two- and three-bedroom 
apartments for from S160 to $170 a night 
that a quartet of skiers can occupy with- 
out tripping over one another's ski boots 
For reservations and information, call 
802-583-2301. 

Those are just some random examples 
of what's out there this winter 
possible that there are places not men 
tioned that would fit your tastes and 
ets even better. So ler me 
add two prime inf on sources that 


nd it’s 


vacation budg 


m 


have substantial data on а large inven- 
tory of condo rentals all over the vaca- 
tion world. The first is World Wide Villa 
Vacations. 175 Bloor Street East, Toronto. 
Ontario МАМ 1C8, С Ча, 416-923-3334 
The second source is an outfit called 
Creative Leisure, 1280 Columbus, San 
Francisco, California 94133: 80 
4290, or, from California, 800-652-1440. 
For years, it has combined with United 
Airlines to provide complete condo pack- 
ages called Privacy in Paradise, and it 
specializes in a large number of proper- 
ties (at a very broad y 

Hawaii and. Mexico. Its brochure makes 
very interesting reading for the sense it 
gives of the extremely broad запре of 
choices that are out. there in the condo- 


rental world, 


nge of prices) in 


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THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


y girlfriend and I recently got into 
a discussion of sex roles, I claim that man 
is still the ator of sex in a rela 
ship, that for all of women’s libera 
and such, we still have to do most of the 
. She cl. most 
relationships, а m is just as likely as 
а man to want and 
any studies that shed light on th 
ject?—J. L.. Houston, Texas. 

Dr. Clinton J. Jesser. a professor of 
sociology at Northern Illinois University. 
recently veported that sex in a velation- 
ship in which the partners arc. already 
intimate is just as likely to take place 
subsequent to a direct or indirect invita- 
tion from Ihe woman as from the man. 
But there's the rub. According to an arti- 
cle in Medical Aspects of Human. Sex- 
у, Dr. Jesser found that (1) although 
women say they ask directly for sex as 
often as men do, men report that women 
take the initiative much less frequently 
than women claim; (2) women tend more 
frequently than men to use indirect sexual 
cues such as eye contact, change of appear- 
ance or clothing and change of tone of 
voice; (3) most of the people interviewed 
but especially the women believe that men 
would be turned off if women were too 
aggressive. Too bad. We can’t settle the 
debate; but you shouldn't drop the topic. 
Next lime you talk to your girlfriend, why 
not catalog all of the techniques you use 
to signal sexual invitation—from the ever- 
popular “Bend over and spread” to the 
more romantic candlelight dinner to the 
classic “Think PH slip into something 
more comfortable” to the simple clicking 
off of "The Tonight Show" halfway 
through Johnny's monolog. Not all sexual 
invitations have 10 be engraved. 


x. Are there 


sub- 


Т. audio purists in my circle 
at my use of a record chang 
а singk-play turntable. But, damn it, 1 
just get tired of jumping up and down 
to change records. Especially when I have 
company. It's my contention that, with 
the improvement of changers, there's real- 


re aghast 


ly no need for audio interruptus. WI 


do you P. D., Washington, D.C. 

We can certainly sympathize with your 
problem. It does put a damper on things 
when “Bolero” runs out before you do. 
The fact is the quality of wcord-changer 
mechanisms has been vastly improved. 
Unfortunately, the quality of records has 
gone down steadily. The thinner those 
discs get, the more problems you have 
with warpage. They are now so thin that 
practically all new records have some 
degree of curvature, Your turntable arm 
сап usually track them without much dij- 
ficully, but stacking one record on top of 


another can compound the problem. And 
because these records can slip when 
stacked, the result can be almost unlisten- 
able. When you combine those problems 
with the possibility that one small piece 
of grit between records can destroy both 
simultaneously, the question becomes eco- 
nomic as well. Some single-play turntables 
have a “repeat” feature that you can ше 
to give yourself a little extra listening 
time at those critical moments, But if you 
suspect you're going to be wrapped ир 
for quite a while, we suggest forgetting 
the changer and using your tape machine 
for the background sounds. 


BP have been married for a year to а very 
exciting man—both intellectually and sex- 
ually. The problem is, after а year of 
everything from bondage to bubble baths, 
I think he has become bored sexually. I 
desperately want to get the excitement 
back into our sex life but de seem to 
have any creative ideas. Any suggestions? — 
Mrs. N. M., Atlantic City, New Jersey, 

ure. Try the missionary position with 
the lights out. It never hurts to return to 
basics. Or try doing it in different places 
at different hours of the day. Actually, 
you may just be experiencing the “newly- 
wed" effect. Carol Tavris and Susan Sadd, 
authors of “The Redbook Report on Fe- 
male Sexuality.” found that S0 percent of 
newlyweds rated their sex lives as good or 
very good, but that the figure drops to 68 
percent of those married one to four years. 
The frequency of sex also diminishes 
somewhat after a year. It doesn’t change 
much after that: Partners resolve them- 
selves lo “Is that all there is?” And what 
you have doesn’t sound so bad. You might 
ask your husband what he likes; if it turns 


out that he’s turned on by the Dallas 
Cheerleaders . .. well, as a poet once said, 
“Man’s reach must exceed his grasp . . - 
that's what masturbation’s for.” 


О.. of the conside 


tions in my pur 
chase of a new car is whether to get power 
steering or rackand-pinion. Both are 


available on the model I want. I've alwa 
had power steering and I'm wondering 
the rack-and-pinion system would requi 
a major change in my driving habits. What 
do you suggest?— J. R.. Toledo, Ohio. 

Power steering became a necessity when 
cars threatened to become mobile living 
rooms. Their sheer size and weight be- 
came more than the average man or wom- 
an could handle without some kind of 
hydraulic system. But now cars are going 
the other шау and vack-and-pinion, which 
had become the exclusive province of 
sports and sporty cars, is now showing up 
on mid-size and economy cars. Proponents 
of rack-and-pinion cite the increased road 
feel of the system. And it is true that you 
do have a sense of driving the car rather 
than simply “pointing” it. But one man's 
advantage in this situation can be an- 
other's. disadvantage. For instance, you 
will notice every bump and crease in the 
road, since they ате transferred directly to 
the steering wheel. The car responds, it 
seems, more quickly to your thoughts. 
With power, there seems to be a lag in 
the response of Ihe car after you move the 
wheel. The vide with power seems smooth- 
er, since the hydraulics mask the road 
feel, but you sacrifice the sense of handling 
control. Your final judgment should, per- 
haps, be based on the kind of driving you 
do. If you spend a good deal of time on 
the highway, you'll find power steering 
much less tiring. If you drive in the city, 
the responsiveness of rack-and-pinion is a 
definite plus. Of course, when it comes 
lime to park the beast, you had better 
have done your push-ups. That's where 
power has the edge, especially if your car 
will be driven by your wife or girlfriend, 
or both. Rack-and-pinion, in the end, is 
best appreciated by someone who enjoys 
the driving experience. 1] you simply want 
to get [rom one place to another, go for 
the power. 


Bam a woman 
past three years, I've 
mes 


Over the 
very sexual 
dreams, somet h men and some- 
times (the ts really bothering me) 
with women, Leven fantasize about people 
I know. I can't stress to you how badly 
1 feel when I wake up. Sometimes it up- 
sets me for days, What I want to know is. 
why do I sometimes have sexual dreams 


E 


51 


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that involve women, when Im revolted 


by afterward? Even the thought of its 
being a subconscious desire upsets me 
terribly. Does it mean that deep down 
that is what I want? I'm on the verge of 
going for professional help, Has anyone 
else ever had this problem?—Miss D. L., 
New Haven, Connecticut. 

Relax. Masters and Johnson found that 
everyone has fantasies about sex with a 
member of the same gender at one time 
or another, In other words, we have all 
had this problem. It is important to rea 
that it isn't a problem. Dreams апа fan- 
lasies ате not symptoms. View them as an 
expression of the mind's awareness of pos 
sibilities rather than as desires. Think of 
them as a hind of TV programing that is 
nol always ready for prime time. 


V recall reading a few years ago that 
there was а school of high-performance 
driving technique for motorcyclists in 
California. The only drawback to the idea 
was that you had to supply your own 
bike. Is there anywhere I can go where 
the school supplies the mach I've 
checked out the states within reach of my 
hike and/or time schedule and have come 
up empty.—P. R., Stowe, Vermont. 

The California Superbike School has 
expanded its locations and format. It now 
has two schools—at Riverside Raceway in 
Los Angeles and at Laguna Seca іп Mon- 
terey. The school now supplies you with 
а motorcycle (a modified version of the 
Kawasaki KZ 550), a helmet and а сот- 
plete set of racing leathers. Two ex-racers, 
Keith Code and Richard Lovell, explain 
the basics of high-speed riding—steering, 
braking, shifting, accelerating and general 
race theory (or prayer)—and then, after 
two get-acquainted laps, turn you loose 
on the track [or H laps of adrenaline. It's 
a great way to test your skills, to learn 
the limits of the bike and of yourself. And 
it's relatively safe. There are no unnatural 
hazards—oncoming traffic. highway patrol 
the usual nerds who pull out of parking 
places without looking. Just you, your wits 
and а terrific motorcycle. For more infor- 
mation, write to The California Super- 
bike School, Р.О. Вох 3713, Manhattan 
Beach, California 90266. It’s better than 
Disneyland. 


BBetore 1 bought a fancy Western model 
last summer, I had never worn a hat in 
my life. Now Гуе gouen kind. of used 
to it. but I worr in bad 
es the ê дар are 
just about gone out of business. 1 wonder 
about special care to keep it looking good. 
Сап I wear my hat in the rain and snow 
or will it be destroye—M. P. М 
neapolis, Minnesota. 

Long before hats were a fad item, they 
were used to keep vain and snow off one's 
head. There's no reason you can't use 
them for that purpose now. Most hats 
these days are treated to resist moisture, 


about w 


but if they should get wet, all you need 
do is flip out the sweatband and let il dry 
on а flat surface. Avoid putting it near a 
heat source, radiator or heat outlet, since 
that can shrink a felt hat. Once the hat is 
dry, brush it with a soft-bristled brush in 
the direction of the nap and it should 
spring back to life. Regular brushing is a 
good idea to help remove surface dirt. 
Once а hat gets really dirty, it becomes a 
sports hat, nol to be worn on dressy осса- 
sions. Most major cities still have cleaners 
and blockers, but you're on your own in 
finding them. If this vesurgence in head- 
gear keeps up, though, they'll soon be 
plentiful again. Until then, when the hat 
gels old, buy a пеш one. 


ІМ, Loytriend and I have access to a 


cal the mount 
plete with a hot tub. We've tried 


love in the tub, but the results so f. 
been disistrous. The water washes away 
the lubrication and eventually his thrust- 
Any suggestions?— 


ing becomes painful. 
Miss T. W., Sacramento. Califom 

Most commercial lubricants (К-У jelly, 
oils, etc.) ате watersoluble. You can try 
petroleum jelly, which seems to last a bit 
longer. Or you can try a different ap- 
proach. Have your boyfriend enter you 
while you're perched on the side, and then 
roll into the water. Or have him try a 
little tantric (ic., nonthrusting) sex. And, 
finally, why not try oral sex? If the tub ік 
big enough, you can take turns floating 
on your back. It's like bobbing for apples, 
only better. 


Û have been under the impress 
good lover has the ability to maintain an 
erection for a long period of time. Now 
my girlfriend says that if I climax qui 
during oral sex, she knows that Lam re 
turned on and that turns her on even 
morc. How can I learn to last and blas?— 
D. C., Carbondale, Ilinois. 

The original Kinsey study on male sex- 
uality found that 75 percent of the men 
in the sample reached orgasm within two 
minutes of penetration during intercourse. 
However, later reports based on the same 
raw data suggest that the average self- 
report of duration was between six and 
seven minutes. It turns out that Kinsey's 
data showed three dusters of self-report 
estimates—at one to three minules. six to 
eight minutes and ten to twenty minutes 
for а 6.68-тіпше average. Those are fig- 
ures for intercourse. There are по сош- 
parable figures for oral sex. And that is 
where statistics cease to be of ше. If you 
are concerned with premature ejaculation 
during intercourse, you may or may not 
find solace in those figures. One sex re- 
searcher points out that even if you last 
longer than seven minutes, you do not 
noticeably increase the chance that your 
girlfriend will have an orgasm. (Ironically, 
Kinsey found that the women in his study 
were a full minute off in their estimates of 


how long sex lasted—their average was 5.65 
minutes.) The notion that sex has to last 
a certain amount of time is limiting: Some 
of the best sex in the world has been on 
the fly—in telephone booths, taxicabs, 
elevators. In this instance, your girlfriend 
is correct. She is giving you pleasure. You 
do not have to exhibit control. Why 
would you want to? Indeed, the point of 
oral sex is to attain. complete abandon. 
And if she gets off on seeing you lose 
control—terrific. 


The advent of the video cassette has been 
а boon to me. since I'm a confirmed movie 
freak. But my local hi-fi shop carries only 
а few titles, Not only that but 1 think 
king them up on me. Is there 
those movie 


When in doubt, go to the source. In 
this case, one good bet would be Magnetic 
Video, which claims the largest selection 
of movie cassettes in Ihe industry. Its 24- 
page catalog is available [rom Video Club 
of America, с/о Magnetic Video Coipora- 
tion, 23434 Industrial Park Court, Farm- 
ington Hills, Michigan 48024. 


IM, girlfriend and I are planning a 
ski vacation in the Rockies. We've heard 
at sex is better at 8000 feet than at sea 
Is that true? Does altitude affect 
зех? М. C., New York, New York. 

It depends on who's on top. Ahem. 
While there are no scientific studies of 
sexual response at high altitudes, studies 
on fertility indicate that you'd do well 
to take the customary precautions. One 
lodge in Colorado warns first-night 
guests that “The air is like wine.” You 
are getting less oxygen with cach breath, 
so you breathe more rapidly and your 
heart beats faster—so you тау think 
you're in the throes of orgasm just walk 
ing upstairs. Alcohol has a greater im- 
pact—what makes you loose as a goose 
at sea level may put you under and/or 
out of control at 8000 feet. Of course, 
that means inhibitions are the first to 
go, and that may account for the stories 
you've heard. Other than that, we were 
told that as atmospheric pressure de- 
creases, there is less resistance to the 
blood entering your penis, so your erec- 
lion may be slightly larger than normal. 
We checked that with a high-altitude ex- 
pert, who said it was nonsense. Too bad. 


AU reasonable questions—from fash- 
ion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars 
1o dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette— 
will be personally answered if the writer 
includes a stamped, self-addressed en- 
velope. Send all letters to The Playboy 
Aduisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michi- 
gan nue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. The 
most provocative, pertinent queries will 
be presented on these pages cach month. 


LECTRIC SHAVE 


MAKES YOUR BRISTLES STAND UP 
FOR A CLOSER SHAVE. 


Lectric Shave is putting its money where your 
face is. Here's the deal: apply Lectric Shave" to 
one side of your face. Then use your electric 
razor. Compare the Lectric Shave side with the 
dry side. The Lectric Shave side should feel 
closer, smoother. That's because Lectric 
Shave makes your beard stand up. So you 
shave closer, faster, with less irritation. 


«шашта 


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TEN's powerful new DP-644 radio; 
cassette combo is a whole lot smaller 
than it sounds. Small enough to go 
in-dash in some pretty small cars 

Sophisticated electronic technology 
makes it happen. The auto-reverse 
cassette handles chrome and metal 
tape. with locking fast-forward/rewind 
and a durable Lite Time Metal head. 
The АМ/ҒМ/МРХ tuner gives you FM 
muting and a built-in noise blanker. 

Add separate bass and treble tone 
controls, bass boost and a full 16 watts 


It just sounds enormous. 


per channel into 4 ohms, 30-20,000 
Hz, at 10% total harmonic distortion, 
and you've got enough sound to make 
a limousine happy. 

Listen to the DP-644. Discover how 
big your small car can sound. 


‘The best sound on wheels. 


FUJITSU TEN CORP. OF AMERICA 


19281 Pacific Gateway Dr., Torrance. CA 90502 
In Canada: Noresco Canada Inc., Ontario 


Manufactured by Fujitsu Ten Limited 


33 


PLAYBOY 


54 


Will you still respect your speakers 


Sure, Ihey sounded great last night. 


But the real test of a speaker system is 
the morning alter. 


Will your speakers sweeten your morn- 
ing coffee with Vivaldi, or will they make 
you wish you'd never turned your stereo 
on? 

Do your speakers make you glad you're 
alive, or do they serve only to remind you of 
last night's excesses? 


Some speakers are impressive when 
played loudly. But a truly great speaker is 
equally, if not more, impressive at low lis- 
tening levels. "Loud" is desirable at times, 
bul a speaker to be lived with must do 
much more. 


For years, and without fanfare, ADS has 
been building monitor speaker systems 
for some of the most demanding sound 
engineers in the music industry. ADS 
technology is uniquely able to accommo- 
date their diverse and challenging re- 


in the morning? 


quirements. This same technology, not 
surprisingly, produces some of the finest 
speaker systems available for home use. 


The new ADS L730, for example, is а 
direct outgrowth of ADS' continuing in- 
volvement in digital recording technology. 
An unusual combination of extended fre- 


quency range, uncanny sonic accuracy, 
razor-sharp Stereo imaging and true-to-life 
dynamic range, the L730 delivers untiring 
musical performance. Although the sys- 
tem is capable of shaking walls with clean, 
undistorted sound, you'll appreciate it 
most on those mornings when quality 
counts more than quantity. 

The L730 is only one of many ADS 
speakers, all meticulously engineered and 
superbly crafted. Your ADS dealer will be 
happy to help you select the model which 
best suits your purposes. For more infor- 
mation and the name of the ADS dealer 
nearest you, please write ADS, Dept. 
PM-9, or call 1-800-824-7888 (California 
1-800-852-7777) toll free and ask for Op- 
erator 483. 


AD 


Audio for the 
critically demanding 


Analog & Digital Systems, Inc., One Progress Way. Wilmington, MA 01887 (617) 658-5100 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


a continuing dialog on contemporary issues between playboy and its readers 


JUDICIAL DISCRETION 
Several Illinois judges 
for ignoring the states new Class X 
w ihat requires a mandatory 
six-year prison sentence for "serious" 
offenses. such as selling more than 30 
wams of coke. The judges are accused 
of simply finding certain defendants 
guilty on lesser counts, regardless of the 
evidence, so they can give them less than 
iandatory sentence. St 
d Carey made а big deal of thi 
y the jud somehow 
corrupt or dishonest and letting dangerous 
ninals off easy 
From what 1 can tell from newspaper 
accounts. the judges are only displaying 
the kind of intelligence and good judg 


re der fire 


€'s Attorney 


ment too rarely found in courts or in 
the law itself. 


In what was evidently the 
case. the defendant 
possession of 106 g 
and ended up with probation and 

The judge, a black man, was quoted 


was 


saying. "I thought that was ап appr 
priate sentence. One reason I did it was 
that this was young white kid. and 


there was a serious question if he could 
à [a prison] environment 
Presumably, this kid was not found to 
be a narcotics kingpin with a long string 
of arrests, and the judge saw no purpose 
served in locking him up lor six years in 
а place that. 
destroy his mind and possibly his life. 
Judicial discretion cin be abused, cer- 
tainly, But any law that permits no 
discretion is likely to cause more injus 
tice than judicial laxity. Let penalties 
be determined by the objective s 
ness of the offense and the past record of 
the offender, but not on a purely arbi- 
trary quantity of something 
(Name withheld by request) 
Wilmette, Hlinois 


exist 


Irom all accounts, might 


ous- 


MONEY TALKS, MONEY WALKS 
According to the papers, movie pro. 
ducer Robert Evans received one үс 
probation for a cocaine conviction on 
the condition that he use his talents to 
drug use among vot 
film or x. That's fine, 
but it docs seem to prove that if you 
have enough money or know the right 
people. vou don't go to jail. I happen to 
п prison with a number of people 
convicted of the same crime and of other 


vs 


discoura меге 


make a оте 


be 


offenses who are at least as sorry lor their 
mistakes as a celebrity who gets proba- 
tion. We are in a better position than 


anyone to work with young people, tell 


them about the consequences of law- 
break the loneliness and de- 
pression of prison and the cost to loved 
ones. Yet. being poor and unknown, we 
were offered no such alterna 
Anthony Brienza 
Woodbourne Correctional Faci 
Woodbourne, New York 


^ about 


ive. 


“Tf you have enough money 
or know the right peopl 
you. don’t go to jail." 


FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE 

I learned the way that certain 
common gestures are not universal in 
their meaning. While in Rio de Janeiro. 
as a pilot flying a Stokes Super Pressure 
Balloon in an international hotair-l 
loon race, 1 had four native Brazilians 
working as my ground crew. As I do not 
speak Portuguese and the ground crew 
did not speak English. we had an inter- 
preter so But 
because of the hundreds of thousands of 
people and the balloon-burner noise, 1 
was using hand signals: The thumbs-up 
signal means pull down on the top lines: 
fist means hold what you've got 
ally. prior to takeoff, using this 
type of balloon in a wind, the top lines 
are to be brought into the basket and 
secured, with your ground crew holding 
your basket down.) My balloon was 


hard 


we could. communicate. 


standing up holding, wai 
start gun. | gave the signal 
forefinger. forming a circle, meaning in 
the U.S.A. and other countries in the 
world that everything is OK. 

The four men on the lines responded 
by throwing their ropes into the a 
turning their backs on my balloon and 
walking away. So I was off and flying 
prior to the starter’s gun. with all my 
top lines dragging over the other bal 
loons. Not until I landed in the water 
some time later did I learn of my mis- 
take. No one had told me that in Rio. 


g for the 
thumb oi 


the thumb and finger forming a circle, 
when aimed at a person, means, “You're 
an asshole.” 
Don Davis 
Long Beach. California 
Well, that’s one mistake we won't 
make the next time we're hotair-bal- 


looning in Brazil! 


FAST WORK 

Your "Legal Loophole” item in the 
November Playboy Forum Newsfront re 
ports the dilemma of Louisiana author- 
ities when they discovered they couldn't 
prosecute a young lady for “driving un- 
der the influence” when the drug in 
question was not booze but pot. which 
the law didn't mention. The legislature 
corrected the problem swiftly and that 
loophole” now We thought 


is closed. 
you'd like to know 
Mr. and Mrs. 
Baton Rou 


Anthony Lim 
Louisiana 


VIOLENCE PORN 

After reading Women Against Sex—. 
Reporter's Notebook, in the October 1980 
issue of PLAYuoY, 1 was more than a bit 
shocked by the flagrant non sequitur rea 
soning presented by Women Against 
Pornography 

1 oppose the glorification of violence 
in any form, whether it be snuff films or 
а cop show on television. A case prob 
ably could be made for limiting the 
expression of glorified violence on the 
basis that it may contribute to crimes 
such as rape. For rape is exactly that— 
violent crime. It belongs in the same 
category with murder and aggravated as 
saul. WAP. is justified іп its opposi 
tion to violent porn, but why does it 
stop there? War movies, cop shows and 
even some childre 
violence. One n 
more harmful bec 
tous presence. 
onviolent. pornography, 


^s cartoons glorify 
ht think those are 
use of their ubiqai 


like other 


55 


PLAYBOY 


56 


nonviolent expressions, cannot possibly 
contribute to rape or any other violent 
crime. Nonviolent porn is a glorification 
of the human body and sexual expres- 
sion—two beautiful and worthwhile 
themes. 

I contend people don't rape only be- 
cause they are sexually frustrated (just 
as I contend that pornography doesn't 
contribute to sexual frustration). People 
who rape seek to infi 
someone and sexual one of the 
more humiliating ways to do so. When 
we begin to address the issue from that. 
perspective, only then will we begin to 
understand rape and the rapist. 

Richard O. DeWald 
Austin, Texas 

Apart from the sound points you 
make, there remains the problem of 
Semantics. “Pornography” is a term that 
is now largely the property of antisex- 
uals who do not distinguish between any 
kind of explicit sex and erotic si 
“Porn” now is bad, by popular defini. 
tion, even though it has a long, perfectly 
legitimate, nonviolent and even an arlis- 
tic history. It’s unfortunate that when 
violence is depicted in a sexual context, 
it's usually the sex that freaks people 
out. It's generally OK to torture, maim 
and kill, as long as men do it to one 
another and keep all their clothes on. 
We've commented on Utis over the years: 
maybe we'll have a little discussion of 
the semantics of porn in a future issue. 


THE LIUZZO CASE 

Like other writers who have reported 
on this case, Johnny Greene (Did the 
FBI Kill Viola Liuzzo?, PLAYBOY, Octo- 
ber 1980) gave little thought to what we 
have considered to be the central issue: 
Was the indicunent of Gary Thomas 
Rowe engendered by anything other u 
the Ku Klux Klan's desire for revenge? 
eene states that the indictment was 
based upon testimony of the two Klans- 
men who had been convicted by Rowe's 
testimony, "and on the basis of t 
mony given by people who had pm 
id to speak up in 1965." "The 
witnesses were actually two former Bi. 
gham police officers, cone 
whom Judge Robert Varner writes: “The 
testimony of those officers is incredible in 
view of their silence during the origi 
t 1 the many years thereafter 
to Rowe's indictment" According to 
Rowe's te the two officers were 
openly sympathetic to the K.K.K. in the 
Sixties and probably assisted various 
Klansmen in avoiding arrest and prose- 
cution. 

The fact is that the only way to force 
the Government to reveal Rowe's new 
identity was to get him indicted, and 
the Ku Klux Klan would not hesitate to 
employ perjury and political influence 
in its quest lor revenge. Our initial in- 
vestigation convinced us the prosecution 


s 


FORUM NEWSFRONT 


what's happening in the sexual and social arenas 


EQUAL TIME 

ANCHORAGE, ALASKA—Local school 
officials ordered ninth-grade teachers to 
skip the first chapter of a history book 
that offers only the Darwinian explana- 
tion of creation until they could ap- 
prove supplemental materials giving 
equal lime to the religious theories of 
creation. The action came in response 
to a group of parents who protested the 
chapter on evolution as anti-Christian 
and un-American. One problem, the 
superintendent told the school board, 
was whether or not to give the “Gene- 
sis? account of creation and, then, 
whose version of “Genesis” to use. 


FASTER WHEELS OF JUSTICE 

SAN DIEGO—The legal community, 
but so far none of the petitioners, is 
concerned by a local judge's technique 
for simplifying divorce procedures. In 
uncontested cases, Judge Raul Rosado 
has assembled prospective divorcees in 
groups, had them sworn in by the court 
clerk and then has granted interlocu- 
tory decrees 10 the entire assemblage оп 
the basis of uniform yes and no answers 
to the basic questions involved іп de- 
fault divorces under California law. 
Most observers think the system works 


extremely well, clearing court calendars 
of simple cases that ordinarily take up 
to two hours each and sparing those 


waiting their turn from hearing end. 
less recountings of “marital woes.” 
Lowyers and some other judges have 
called the practice cold-blooded апа 
fear it will “make а sham out of mar- 
riage hy making il too easy to divorce.” 


NICE START 

PHILADELPHIA—AÀ — municipal-court 
judge permitted withdrawal of assault 
charges against a man accused of beating 
and choking his bride into unconscious- 
ness after а wedding-reception argument 
with his mother-in-law over money bor- 
rowed to purchase wedding rings. The 
judge commented, “True love doesn’t 
always тип smooth.” 


TAX DODGE 

х, D.C—A Maryland cou- 
ple i lost the first round in their 
efforis to reduce their taxes by divorc- 
ing und remarrying each year. Present 
income-tax law tends 10 benefit unmar- 
ried persons over those who are married 
and filing either jointly or separately. 
A Federal tax judge dodged the issue of 
tax inequily that the couple attempted 
to raise in court and, instead, held that 
they “never intended to, and never 
did, physically separate from cach other 
prior to or subsequent to either of the 
divorces,” and therefore were not di- 
vorced in the eyes of the tax collector. 
The couple indicated they'd appeal. 


WOMAN'S RIGHT 

HAUPPAUGE, NEW YORK—A man is not 
entitled to divorce his wife just because 
she refuses to bear children, a New 
York Supreme Court justice has ruled. 
The case involved a husband whose 
wife of ten years allegedly refused sex 
unless he used a contraceptive, and the 
judge found that a legitimate exercise 
of the woman's personal rights consist- 
ent with the U.S. Supreme Court's 
position. on abortion: “It follows nat- 
urally that if a woman can terminate 
а pregnancy without the consent of her 
she should be allowed to 


husband, 
make the unilateral determination to 


prevent it” The couri did grant а di- 
vorce to the wife, however. 


CONTRACEPTIVE FREEDOM 
MINNEAPOLIS—A Minnesota law re- 
slricting the sale of nonprescription 
contrace plives has been voided as a re- 
sult of a suit filed by the Minnesota 
Civil Liberties Union and the A.C.L.U?s 
Reproductive Freedom Project. The sta- 
tule, passed in 1965, permitted the sale 
of such items as condoms and vaginal 
suppositories only by businesses or or- 
ganizations dealing primarily with health 
or welfare. The suit argued that the right 
of access 10 contraceplives is constitu- 
tionally protected. Some 12 other states 


have similar restrictive laws, but in 
most places they are not enforced. The 
Minnesota case arose after à county at- 
torney threatened to prosecule a tes- 
taurant for having a condom machine, 


UNSTACKING THE DECK 

GREENFIELD, MASSACHUSETTS—/n over- 
turning а 1979 manslaughter convic- 
tion, a state appeals judge has ruled 
that a young person's right to trial by 
a jury of peers means that at least some 
members of the jury must also be 
young. In the case of a 20-year-old 
defendant, the judge found that the 
jury-selection system generally used in 
Franklin County was nonrandom, sub- 
jective and tended to produce a pool 
of potential jurors who were dispro- 
portionately old. 


CHEAP TRICK 
seattte—A Federal appeals court 
has ruled that police legally may bribe 
a five-year-old to show them where his 
mother hides her dope stash. When 
officers failed to find the heroin they 
were looking for at a Seattle woman's 


home, they talked her son into showing 
them the hiding place in return for 
five dollars. In a split decision, the 


court held that even a young child is 
free 10 reveal incriminating facts about 
a parent and that it's permissible for po- 
lice to pay the kid for the information 


STAMPING OUT CHEMISTRY 
wasuuseron. nc—The Drug En- 
Administration reports that 
ground drug laboratories are 
ng ир in ever greater numbers 
around the county and most of them 
are the work of college students or 
graduates with training in chemistry. 
The DEA says the clandestine labs are 
turning өш such drugs as ат pheta- 
mines, ESD, PGP апа methaqualone 


and that the number of busts increased 
from 33 in 1975 to 237 in 1979. 


RETURN OF THE CIA 
rraxcisco—The Central Intelli- 
gence Agency is asking Congress for 
legislation that it considers necessary 
10 protect its sources and agents. The 
proposed legislation would reduce the 
number of Congressional committees 
that oversee CIA activities, further ex- 
empt the agency from provisions of the 
Freedom of Information Act, prohibit 
the disclosure of identities of agents 
and protect CIA secrets from discovery 
during court. proceedings. Spea 
fore the San Francisco Press Club, CIA 
director Admiral Stansfield Turner said 
the new measures were necessary in the 
face of increasing Russian. military 
strength and reduced economic growth 
in the free world. 


SA: 


MORAL POLITICS 

NEW YORK CrTY—A suit to revoke the 
tax-exempt status of any Roman Cath- 
olic church or organization engaging in 
political activity on behalf of anti- 
abortion candidates has been filed in 
Fedeval court by the Abortion Rights 
Mobilization group. The legal action 
cited numerous incidents of bishops" 
and priests exhorting parishioners 10 
defeat “prochoice” candidates. One ex- 
ample listed was a pastoral letter from 
the archbishop of Boston. proclaiming 
й а sin to vote for two pro-abortion 
Congressional candidates. Lawrence 
Lader, president of ARM., cited the 
“danger of one religion seizing for itself 
an illegal advanta the special 
privilege of tax-exempt money and 
facilities to intimidate a con 
into voting the church's way.” 


regation 


PRICE OF PRISON 

LANSING, WICINGAN—The state of 
Michigan, short of revenue to operate 
its prisons, has decided to sue inmates 
wth substantial savings accounts to 
make them help pay for their own room 
and board. A 1935 state law exempts 
money earned in prison. but. empowers 
the slate 10 file claims against other as- 
sets of inmates lo recover housing ex- 
penses, which currently сом taxpayers 
about S25 а day. 


NO JOKING MATTER 

nexver—Another judge has gotten 
himself in trouble with feminists by 
making flippant remarks about rape 
tases. The Arapahoe, Denver chapter of 
the National Organization for Women 
has protested a speech by a U. S. district- 
court judge who joked that he would 
like lo try a "garden-variety rape case” 
because “it keeps you awake in the 


afternoon and provides a little vicari- 
ous pleasure.” 4 NOW representative 
denounced the comments, joking 
nol, as showing “extreme insensitivity 
to the victims of sexual assault.” In the 
past few years, several judges in differ- 
ent parts of the country have come 
under fire for remarks in or out of court 
that appeared to treat rape lightly. 


AVOIDING CONFUSION 

HOUSTON—The city council has re- 
scinded a Houston ordinance aimed at 
transvestites that prohibited “appearing 


in public dressed with the intent to dis- 
guise his or her sex as that of the oppo- 
site sex.” The action came after а 
Federal judge decided the law violated 
the civil rights of transsexuals, and the 
Houston police legal department ac- 
k ledged that an arresting officer 
would have no way of knowing if a sus- 
реа were a legal transsexual, an illegal 
transvestite or what the difference was. 
The decision noted that dressing in 
clothing of the opposite sex is fre- 
quently part of the treatment preced- 
ing a legitimate sex-change operation. 

Meanwhile, the Fifth U.S. Circuit 
Court of Appeals in New Orleans has 
ordered a lower court. lo reconsider 
whether or not a state Medicaid program 
may be required to pay for prescribed 
transsexual surgery. 


DON'T MAKE WAVES 
ALEXANDRIA. LOUISIANA—Police and 
firemen rescued a 10-year-old man from 
the waste pit of a lakeside outhouse 
where he had spent ten hours “up to 
his armpits” after an argument with 
twò hitchhik anted a longer 
ride. The attackers forced the motorist 
to drive to a rural. boat landing, 
stranded him in the deep pit, then fled. 
Police said the victim, after his rescue, 

ran to the lake and jumped in. 


who u 


57 


PLAYBOY 


58 


Quite a few states still have an 
archaic fornication law buried in the 
statute books, but only Wisconsin 
seems to know where to find it and 
actually to enforce it. The usual result 
is embarrassment and a small fine to 
some copulating couple, maybe a di- 
vorce if one of the fornicators is mar- 
ried, plus a criminal record as a se 
offender. Sometimes the result has been 
truly tragic: In 1971, a popular She- 
boygan high school teacher, facing 
criminal prosecution for “cohabiting” 
with his girlfriend, committed suicide. 
The following case, fortunately, has its 
lighter side. 

In August 1978, Joe Dybul, his girl- 
riend Judy Freed and another couple, 
1 in their were hired to 
paint a vaca - belonging to a 
mutual friend in the Milw ше suburb. 
a ^ them. 
permission to sleep in the house while 
doing the work. The first night, a con- 
scientious neighbor, unaware of the 


STUART CARLSON 


Playboy Casebook 


THE WAUWATOSA LOVERS 


“we've got a couple of desperadoes up here who've broken 
the laws of god, wisconsin and the city of wauwatosa!” 


painting project, called the police to 
report an apparent “burglary іп prog- 
ress.” That was at 2:26 a.m. and within 
minutes, police were searching the 
premises. In one room, they found a 
fully clothed couple snoozing in а 
double sleeping bag. surrounded by 
paint cans and brushes. Evidently a 
false alarm—a "Hogan" in local police 
jargon. But in another room, officers 
caught Joc and Judy red-handed, so 
to speak, criminally engaging in what 
Wisconsin law calls “lewd and lasci 
ous behavior" and most people call 
wing. The two were ted and 
each was charged with “openly cohabit- 
g and associating with a person he 
knows is not his spouse under circum- 
ces that imply sexual intercourse.” 

According to Judy's recorded state- 
ment, “The first officer . . . stayed ther 
for five or ten minutes and wouldn't 
let me get dressed. He didn't say don't 
get dressed, but he didn't nt me to 
move. He wanted to make sure I didn't 


“My God, Jim! Wake up and put your 
pants on! ІГ the sex police!” 


have any weapons hidden or whatever." 
At a bench trial in Wauwatosa Mu- 
nicipal Court, the defendants appeared. 
without counsel and. Judy had the fol- 
gc with city prosecutor 


George R. Schi 


Q. Do you deny at this time that 
you were . . . having intercourse? 

A. If I was having sexual inter- 
course or not, with anyone, is my 
business. 

Q. Do you deny that, yes or no, 
please. You are under oath right 
now, and I asked you to answer the 
question again. 

A. Can I plead the Fifth? 

Q. You must answer the ques- 
tion. 

A. I must. 


Guilty, sa 
A. Pfannerstill, who fined the sex of 
lenders each. 

Joc and Judy decided mot to take 
this lying down and contacted. Ray- 
mond M. Dall'Osto, then legal director 
of the Wisconsin C Liberties Union. 
Dall'Osto verified the facts of the case 
and called attorney Burt. Joseph of the 
Playboy Foundation. “We've got a 
couple of desperadoes up here who've 
broken the laws of God, Wisconsin and 
the city ol Wauwatosa,” he said, and 
requested. Foundation assistance in ap 
pealing the convictions and challen 
ing the state sex law. 
yed the story to Senior 
nd exhorted him 
“This sounds like a job for the Playboy 
Defense Team. Saramble your men and 
roll out the helicopter gun ship. W 
heading north 

Despite the absurdity of the charge 
and the pettiness of the punishment, 
the case had its darker side. Joe and 
Judy now were convicted sex offenders 
under a city ordinance incorporating а 
state law that still provides stiff criminal 
penalties for premarital sex, adultery, 
cohabitation and “sexual perversion” 
the last including oral sex and carrying: 
a jail sentence and fines of up to 
$10,000. The A.C.L.U. and the Playboy 
undation had successfully challenged 
similar laws in court, arguing that any 
law presuming to regulate the p 


sexual conduct of consenting adults 
violates fundamental constitutional 
rights. Indeed, such laws not only in- 
vade privacy but most often are used 
for harassing homosexuals and occasion- 
ally for wringing out large divorce settle- 
ments—or no — settlements—under 
threat of criminal prosecution for adul- 
tery on the part of one spouse or the 
other, 

The case of the “Wauwatosa Lovers,” 
as they were dubbed by the press, al- 
forded a good legal opportunity to 
challenge the state sex statute. Mi 
waukee attorneys Harvey Goldstein 
d James Reiher undertook the ap- 
on behalf of the Wisconsin 

and began by arguing their 
case before Judge Lawrence Gram in 
circuit court. That Judge Gram ruled 
st them only permitted a 
ppeal. but the grounds upon which 
Gram upheld the state law made some 
kind of legal history. He declared: 


Now, the issue before this court 
is not the wisdom of the legisla- 
ture in prohibiting certain activity 
but whether or not they have the 
right to make such a prohibition. 
I guess we really go back to some 
of the most fundame law of 
l, the Law of Moses. 


The implication that the Ten Com- 
mandments were enforceable law above 
the U.S. Constitution came as a sur- 
prise to both the legal and the jour- 
nalistic communities, Editorial writers 

nd cartoonists were already having 


good deal of fun with the idea of cops 


“Ten 
vers 


% At the 
decision, 


esting fornicator! 
Commandments” 
nearly fell off their ba 
auorney punned 


stools, as one 
Not even in the 
lower courts of Wisconsin does moral 
law supersede secular law. As Gold- 
stein put it, “Going to hell is onc thing. 


Going to prison is quite another,” 

Unfortunately, the case never reached 
the Wisconsin Supreme Court. Gram 
was called upon a second time, to 
rule on a routine motion to dismiss the 
charges on technical grounds, and 1 
did just that. Perhaps eagerly, consid- 
ering the response to his earlier ruling 
He decided the defendants had been 
wrongly charged in the first place; that 
their cohabitation, though it c 
implied sexual intercourse, was 
"open cohabit * as proscribed by 
the leer of the Convict 
'eversed. 

"Thus did the celebra 
Wauwatosa Lovers end. not with 
bang but a whimper. So Joc and Judy 
no longer are sex criminals, but the 
Jaw is still on the books. 


о! 


law. 


ed case of the 


THOU 
SHALT NOT 


Joel McNally, columnist for The 
Milwaukee Journal, had а few 
choice comments to make on Judge 
Gram’s interesting “Moses” decision: 

It is a relief to know that the law 
of Moses will continue to be strictly 
enforced іп Wauwato: 

Longtime Tosa residents will ге- 
call that the late Moses presented 
the city ordinances engraved on 
stone tablets shortly after the flight 
of the chosen people to the suburb: 

This was cited last week by Cir- 
cuit Judge Laurence Gram in up- 
holding the conviction of an 
unmarried couple charged with the 
crime of making love in a home in 


close call. If love is ever 
permitted to break out in Wauw: 
tosa, it could rum rampant. No r 
strictive zoning laws would be strong 
enough to stop i 

Tt was just a lucky break that the 
Wauwatosa police uncovered. this 
heinous crime. They had entered 
the house because they thought а 
burglary was in progress. They wer 
shocked to discover something mach 
worse, 

Judge Gram is a legal scholar of 
the first rank. Belore he got a po- 
litical patronage appointment to the 
bench, he used to preside over 
neetings of the county Democratic 


Party. That required extensive 
knowles of Roberts Rules of 
Order 


Gram said there was no problem 
with the Wauwatosa ordinance regu 
ing private morality. He cited the 
Moses precedent. 

As you may recall from the movie 
with Charlton Heston, the 

ndment against sex in Wauw 
sa homes was only one part of the 
moral code that Moses laid down 
for Tosins when he came down from 
Avenue in the Washing- 


com- 


h provisions as: 
Honor thy lather and thy mother 
and thy police department. Remem- 
ber Veterans Day and keep it holy. 
Thou shalt not co t Democrati 


voting. 
But it is in the area of sexual 

rality that Wauwatosa stood 

particularly strong in the face of 


declining contemporary standards. 
Perhaps in progressive Brookfield, 

people can go around making love 

willy-nilly, but not in Tosa. ... 


of Rowe, whom we represented, was 
instigated in a very deliberate manner 
by the K.K.K. in order to accomplish 
two goals: one, revenge for Rowe's under- 
cover work for the FBI, which resulted in 
the convictions of two Klansmen in Fed- 
eral coi nd, two, insurance against the 
FBI's ability to recruit agents to infil- 
Klan organization. Those goals 
would be accomplished by Rowe's arrest 
and trial, regardless of the outcome. 

The Klan's strategy failed іп that 
Rowe was пе аса: 
dited to А! ma for trial. Still. the K 
proved that it can. penetrate the Federal 
witness protection program, that it can 
use the legal system to carry 
out its terrorist plots and that it never 
forgets its enemies. 

Greene's viewpoint has some validity, 
of course, in that the FBI employed 
some questionable tactics in trying to 
cope with Klan violence in the Sixties. 
But the К.К.К. was, and a wel. 
organized, extremely ruthless group of 
terrorists, and Greene's suggestion that 
the FBI, or Rowe, wa: 
the Klan murder of 
neither logical nor 

Alexander E 
Attorney at Law 
Savannah, Geor 

The Klam's tactics and involvement 
have been pretty well known, so the em- 
phasis was on the FBI's responsibility, 
which for years was successfully con- 
cealed. The Playboy Foundation, by the 
way, is helping support ап A.C.L.U. civil 
suit in behalf of the surviving members 
of the Liuzzo family and our Legal De- 
partment is continuing to press a suit 
against the Justice Department for te- 
lease of the FBI's secret Rowe Task 
Force Report under the Freedom of In- 
formation Act. 


. Zipperer, Ш 


POWER OF PRAYER 

It often seems that no idea, no matti 
how strongly discouraged by experience 
nd logic, ever completely goes aw 
We still have fMat-earthers, astrol 
millenarians, single-taxers and snake 
handlers, And despite thousands of years 
of gory history demonstrating that 
church and state are a dis 
plosi combination, there are 
people who would like to sce this 
democracy turned imo а сос 
church-run state like Puritan Salem or 
Inquisition-era Spain. There are th 
people who want the Bible version of 
creation taught in science dasses. There 
e those who want the law to say that a 
fertilized human egg has a soul. And 
there are people who want daily prayers 
conducted in public-school classrooms. 

What these would-be Ayatollahs nevei 
seem to understand is that the effort to 
keep religion and the state apart does 
not arise from disrespect for religion. 
On the contrary; it is inspired by a 


59 


PLAYBOY 


60 


healthy respect for it—as а powerful 
force in the world and in the lives of 
individuals and one that, like the atom, 
has great potential for both good and 
evil, Many people question whether or 
not we are ready for nuclear power. I 
sometimes wonder whether or not we 
ve ever been ready for organized re- 
ligion. In any case, one thing is sur 
The institutional wall that separates 
church and state is as vital to public 
health as is the shielding around the 
core of a reactor. 

Yet Senator Jesse Helms, Republican 
of North Carolina, a longtime promoter 
of religiously inspired restrictions on 
abortion, has also sponsored legislation 
that he hopes will make prayer in public 
schools legal despite the First Amend- 
теш. In 1962, the U.S. Supreme Court 
declared officially sponsored prayers in 
public schools unconstitutional. To a 
bill regulating, the Supreme Court, Sen- 
ator Helms attached an amendment that 
would prohibit the Court from hearing 
any case involving a state law “which 
relates to voluntary prayers in public 
schools and public buildings.” The 
Helms Amendment passed the Senate 
and went to the House of Representa- 
tives, which historically has had even 
fewer qualms about mixing law and 
theology. No politician wants to appear 
to be voting against God. But even if it 
became law, the amendment would prob- 
ably ultimately be squelched. It is highly 
improbable that the Supreme Cour 
independent branch of the Government, 
would willingly self-destruct by allowing 
Congress to curve away an important 
chunk of its jurisdiction. 

Why this insistence on prayers in pub- 
lic schools, where they are bound to be 
recited in front of children who prefer 
to pray differently or not at all? Surely 
God-fearing folk can get up early enough 
to pray with their children before send- 
ing them off to school. These are the 
same people who keep telling us that 
government intervention threatens the 
family. Why do they want a statc-em- 
ployed teacher to conduct their chil- 
dren's morning prayers? I no more want 
my child exposed to some public official's 
ion of prayer than I would want his 
teacher to take a lump of plutonium 
to the classroom. To speak of volun- 
m yer in public schools is nonsense. 
When any school sets aside a time for 
religious observances under the authority 
chers, the practice is as voluntary 
Russian election. And the result can 
only be the very thing the First Amend- 
intended to prevent: intimida- 
tion or persecution of citizens because of 
their religious beliefs, especially if those 
beliefs—or the absence thereof—are not 
shared by the majority. 

It is distressing to sec the lengths to 
which people like Helms will go to 
pose their пош igiosity on 
us, but it is encouraging to realize that 


ion of reli 


this latest legislative maneuver is an 
admission of defeat. After all, what the 
Helms Amendment is saying, in elfect, is 
that proponents of prayer in school can 
never expect the Supreme Court to rule 
as they would like it to. Which means 
that on this point, the First Amendment 
is so dear U апу attempt to get around 
jt hasn't a prayer o£ succeeding. 

Robert J. Shea 

Glencoe, Illinois 
world examples of what 
happens when theology becomes mixed 
with law and politics—from Ireland to 
Iran— we find ourselves amazed that any- 
one in this country can espouse liberty 
and yet seck to dismantle the constitu- 
tional wall that historically has protected 
our system of government from the pow- 
er of organized religion. 


With so many 


SAVE THE WHAT? 

The cartoon on page 257 of the No- 
vember issue of PLAYBOY has been 
brought to my attention. I was shocked, 
not only as a leader of the Penguins in 
nent but also as a human 


ете 


“Oh, yeah? Well, how do 
уои know it’s уот penguin?” 


being. Man's inhumanity to man has be- 
come acceptable, but your slur against 
the penguin is а slap in the face of the 
animal world and an insult to people 


who haven't anything better to worry 
about. 

First of all, penguins are not sex ob- 
jects: antarctic chauvinism is the enemy 


ol penguin lovers and liberated persons 
where. Second, the s ed bottles 


more than a cheap shot at reviving the 
ous ethnic caricature of pengu 
drinking, insensitive phil 


derers. 


Penguins in Peril is a nonprofit. or- 
ganization dedicated, among other 
things. to. protection of the legal rights 
ol penguins and to the achievement of 
parity with seals, whales, whooping 
cranes and other fat cats of the endan- 


gered.species set. The organization has 
recently launched an investigation of 
the problem of overcrowded icebergs in 
the south Antarctic Ocean while simulta- 
neously activating our campaign to es- 
tablish a Penguin Legal Aid Society in 
every North American city where 2005 
and private penguin collections are 
found. With our resources stretched 
thin, we scarcely anticipated а smear 
campaign from the people who brought 
us the Playboy Foundation and the 
Playboy Legal Defense Team. We 

thought you were the good guys 
In short, this leter is a demand for 
time under the Federal Equal 
Time for Critters Act. We demand that 
you publish a statement substantially as 
follows: "Penguins are really nice and 
probably don't do nasty things except 
ate, and all 


as consenting adults 
tha y boy 
Foundation or amy Greenpeace drop- 
outs would like to contribute large 
amounts of money in small, unmarked 
bills, a volunteer bagman will be pro- 
vided at no cost. Anyone making such 
donation should know that it is tax-de- 
ductible; unfortunately, we can't say 
‚ because it isn't true, 
Richard Scheuler, Grand Exalted 
Penguin 
Penguins in Peril 
Red Bluff, Californ 
According to supporting documents 
supplied by this, ah, zealous do-good 
organization, the most imminent. peril 
facing penguins is that presented by a 
consortium. of ch businessmen and. 
Saudi Arabs who are threatening to tow 
large icebergs, penguins and all. from 
antarctica to the Arabian peninsula as а 
novel source of fresh waler for irrigation 
purposes. Our editorial position on this 
15, for the present, uncertain. 


* In the meantime, if the РІ 


TRIPLE TROUBLE 

In your November Forum Newsfront 
item titled “Triple Threat," you report 
that à woman's attacker "knocked her 
down, took off her shoes and sucked on 
her bare toes. Then he ran off, taking 
the shoes with him.” The way I count 
the sequence of events, the total comes 
to four. 


(Name withheld by request) 
Spring Grove, Illinois 

We gave that matter a lot of thought, 

ne, and decided that 


as you сап imag 
the shoe removal was incidental to the 
toe sucking and therefore should not be 
counted separately 


“Тіс Playboy 


Forum" offers the 
opportunity for an extended dialog 
between readers and editors of this 
publication on contemporary issues. Ad- 
dress ail correspondence to The Playboy 
Forum, Playboy Building, 919 North 
Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Hlinois 60611 


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‘EARLY TIMES. 
THE WAY IT WAS, IS THE WAY IT IS. 


1871. A hastily arranged reception 

for a pioneer balloonist. 

On July 4,1871, an astonished crowd in 
lamazoo, Michigan beheld a lone balloonist 
scend from the sky. He was Professor Steiner, 
- the first mortal to fly across Lake Michigan. 
And even then, what would have been more 
priate at a welcoming party than Early Times. 
‘whisky that made Kentucky whisky famous. 
А Today, we're still slow-distilling it the same 
P way we did then. And thoughtful people 
қ always have several bottles on hand for 
friends who drop in out of the blue. 


86 OR 80 PROOF - EARLY TIMES DISTILLERY CO., LOUISVILLE, KY. © 1980. 


sw mas. LOM SNYDER 


a candid conversation with the outspoken star of the "tomorrow" show 
about talk-show hosts, bizarre guests and villainous tv executives 


Throughout his 25-year career in 
broadcast journalism, Tom Snyder has 
developed a reputation for on-air brash- 
ness and controversy, and continues to 
be the subject of industry gossip—wheth- 
er it be that he might lake over the 
“Today” show as host, replace Johnny 
Carson on “The Tonight Show" if and 
when he leaves or become NBC's anchor 
newsman on the “Nightly News" when 
John Chancellor steps down. Snyder's 
“happy-talk” approach to news, his opin- 
ionated opening comments and frequent 
attacks upon his own network's exeo- 
lives on the “Tomorrow” show, plus his 
introduction of often bizarre guests to 
the American TV public on his lale- 
night talk fest, have made him a man 
few people are neutral about. 

Although Tom Snyder has developed 
a loyal, steadfast following, his detractors 
arc legion. He has been called, in public, 
a grandstander, shallow, ill advised, un- 
informed, monumentally egotistical and 
more. His comic imitators, especially on 
the original "Saturday Night Live" show, 
are well known. But through the years, 
Snyder has demonstrated a remarkable 
facility for drawing people out and ask- 
ing the kinds of broad-based, middle- 


“Tve fallen in love with guests on the 
air on several occasions. I've had litile 
"zipless fucks? Once, 1 desired that it 
be more than zipless, but, unfortunately, 
she brought an entourage with her.” 


American questions that make him a 
surrogate for the guy next door. He has 
done more to create a generation of in- 
somniacs than anyone except, perhaps, 
Carson. And whether you agree with 
Snyder or not, he usually calls ?ет as 
he sees'em. 

Snyder's diverse talents span both the 
news and the entertainment divistons at 
NBC-TV. He's been anchor man о) 
NBC's various weekly “News Magazines,” 
has hosted the newly expanded “Тото 
тош" show (now in its eighth year), has 
done a number of prime-time celebrity- 
interview specials оп the network and— 
over a period spanning more than two 
decades—has served as local anchor man 
in the nation’s two major markets, New 
York and Los Angeles. 

Snyder was born in Milwaukee, Wis 
consin, on May 12, 1936. He enrolled at 
Marquette University as а premed stu- 
dent before swilching to journalism and, 
while attending college, got a job in Ihe 
news department of WRIT, Milwaukee. 
He dropped out of Marquette during his 
final year and never received his bachelor's 
degree. Subsequently, he served with 
WSAP-TV, Savannah, WAIL-TY, Atlan- 
ta, KTLA-TV, Los Angeles, and KYW- 


"There's one thing phonier than showbiz, 
and that’s newsbiz. When Roger Mudd 
quit CBS, they continued his salary. Well, 
when Marilyn. Monroe didn't show up, 
she was suspended without pay.” 


TV, Philadelphia, where, in the late 
Sixties, he hosted an innovative early- 
morning one-hour live program called 
“Contact” and anchored the station’s top- 
rated evening news. 

He then moved to KNBC, Los An- 
geles, in 1970, where he anchored the 
six-to-seven P.M. segment of the station’s 
two-hour newscast. He became an instant 
success and altracted not only imitators 
but also the attention of the network 
brass, who made him host of the innova- 
tive late-night "Tomorrow" show in 
October 1973. The following year, "To- 
morrow” moved from Burbank to New 
York and Snyder also became anchor 
man of the six-to-seven P.M. portion of 
“NewsCenter 4," the two-hour newscast 
on WNBC-TV, New York. He remained 
іп that dual role until April 1977. In 
June, “Tomonow” returned to Burbank 
for two years, Returning to Ne 
addition to continuing as host of “Tomor- 
row," Snyder inaugurated, in. June 1979, 
“Prime Time Sunday,” a one-hour news 
magazine that later became “Prime Time 
Saturday.” It never made a dent in the 
ratings and, despite public pronounce- 
ments that he would stay with Snyder 
and the show, NBC boss Fred Silverman 


York, in 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY VERNON L, SMITH 
“Yeah, Pd like to be president of NBC. 
I think I know what to do. Those of us 
who have worked in the studios and 
trenches for the past 25 years know pret- 
ty much how to make that box work.” 


PLAYBOY 


64 


canceled the program a year later. “То- 
morrow,” however, remains on the air 
from New York, and in September 1980, 
expanded to 90 minutes, airing on NBC- 
TV рот 12:30 a.m. to lwo AM., with 
additional features and segments and— 
of course—Tom Snyder as host. 

During his career, Snyder has won an 
Emmy for hosting "Tomorrow" (in 1974) 
and has cohosted a number of network 
specials, among them programs on medi- 
cine, crime, Legionnaire's disease, "The 
National Love, Sex and Marriage Test,” 
"The National Disaster Survival. Test” 
and “The Incredible Shrinking Gas 
Pump.” wıaynov sent freelance writer 
and TV critic Nicholas Yanni 10 interview 
Snyder and find out what is really on 
his mind these days. Yanni reports: 

“When PLAYBOY asked me to do this 
interview, Snyder had just settled on his 
new four-year contract with NBC. It had 
been widely reported that he might even 
be replaced as host of ‘Tomorrow? Since 
it had come so quickly upon the failure 
of ‘Prime Time Saturday, I felt all this 
speculation might have been more than 
Tom's much-publicized monumental ego 
could take. That's why he wasn't grant- 
ing amy interviews until that. contract 
was signed. 

“During the several weeks in which 1 
interviewed Snyder in his offices in New 
York, I found him to be predictably 
frank—but a man nol casily pigeonholed 
іп other respects. His fascination with 
gadgets is legendary, зо his office brims 
with all kinds of games and props, in- 
cluding a pinball machine and an 
electronic TV device to embarrass inter- 
viewers who arrive a few minutes lale. 
His staff seems to pamper him [catering 
to his every whim), One gets the impres- 
sion that they're all one big happy family 
and that whatever Tom does is just fine 
They have been known to put up with 
his excesses and childlike indulgences be- 
cause he's very protective of them. 

“During our interviews, it became 
clear to me that Snyder was thoroughly 
enjoying gelling a lot of gripes and pent- 
up frustrations off his chest, now that 
his ‘ordeal’ with the network had been 
resolved. | sometimes felt like а corpora- 
tion psychiatrist. might feel, as he let 
loose with near-stream-of-consciousness 
rantings about the TI industry today 
and especially NBC. He is angry, of 
course, but it is tempered with a surpris- 
ing serenity for which I was not pr 
pared. He does seem at one with himself 
these days. 

“Surprisingly, I did not get from 
Snyder the sense of a man who needs 
constant television exposure as а psy- 
chological fix or reinforcement for his 
ego or career. At least not anymore. I 
came away from our conversations with 
the distinct impression that if he were 
to leave ‘Tomorrow’ tomorrow, he'd be 


on the next plane to California, 
where he really prefers living (but not 
working), to devote himself to his great- 
est outdoor passion—golf. 

"Our interviews occurred in the late 
mornings, and Snyder held off his office 
calls so that we could continue uninter- 
rupted. After a bit of small talk, we 
would get right down to business, He was 
very forthright about his disgruntle- 
ments—past and present—with the NBC 
management; and although he appeared 
resolved never again to hold a position of 
importance within the NBC News hier- 
archy, I felt that his attitude could 
change just as quickly as a new regime 
were installed at NBC. He took pains to 
uy lo convince me that he is happy 
‘just doing the “Tomorrow” shour—that 
this assignment, now going into its 
eighth year, is more than enough respon 
sibility and drain on his energy. He 
seemed unduly concerned with growing 
old and often discussed himself in the 
past tense. During our talks, Snyder 
struck me as egotistical, as expected, but 
not pompous; willing to laugh at him- 
self about professional mistakes but 


— 
"I'm not afraid to reveal my 
own lack of knowledge in 
certain areas. I'm a con- 
duit; that's all I am. I'm 
a transmission belt [or 
information." 


defensive about specific on-air goofs; 
highly guarded, sometimes even shy and 
secretive about his family life, but open 
about his and life in 
general. 

Snyder is a tall man (6'1") and often 
seems uncomfortable with his height. He 
hates standing up and moving around 
on TV, and sometimes is even quite 
defensive about his looks. He took um- 
brage at suggestions I made that he 
might be physically vain, since he hates 
wearing glasses on TV (there are always 
several pairs lying around) and often 
can't see his cue cards. 

“Deep down, I felt—despite 
told me during these conversations 
that Snyder very much would like to 
return to the news, possibly as anchor 


views on sex 


what he 


man or commentator. But his wounds 
on the news front are still too fresh. 1 
believe he's given up for all time the 
idea of hosting the ‘Today’ show, but, 
despite his long-winded rationalizations 
about why he would not ever consider 
laking over "The Tonight Show, should 


Carson vacate that spot three years hence, 
I'm sure Snyder would jump at the op- 
portunity, and be very good at it, too.” 


PLAYBOY: As you're no doubt avare, there 
is something about you that makes 
people take sides. You've got a consid. 


erable cult following, but there are also 
a great many viewers who feel you are 


overbearing, self-indulgent and ро 
pous. How do you plead? 

SNYDER: I am, on occasion, overbearing. 
I do indulge myself, on the air and off. 
I have been pompous. But who hasn't 
been at one time or another 

PLAYBOY: Do you think vou also might 
intimidate people? 

SNYDER: 1 suppose that's true. I talk loud, 
Vm 64” tall and difficult to get along 
with. Bur if people are afraid of me, 
that fear is ungrounded. 

PLAYBOY: What 


bout the reverse: Have 
you ever been intimidated by any of 
the guests you've had on over the ye: 
SNYDER: Not in the slightest, Гус had 
Ayn Rand on. Extremely intelligent. 
Yet you don't have to be an intellectual 
to G on a conversation about hi 
beliefs and philosophy of lile. 

PLAYBOY: It might help, though. if you're 
trying to reach below the surface. 

SNYDER: I do what I feel is necessary. The 
purpose of the Tomorrow show is not 
for me to demonstrate how much I know 
ny clippings o 
read. The purpose of the show is 
ge our guests іп conv ions that. 
bring out their beter points and allow 
them to present themselves in 
taining and informative fashion. There 
people who do talk shows who 
all the books and newspaper с 
pings and go out with a yellow pad with 
questions numbered one through 100. T 
don't believe in doing a show that way. 
Those people who prepare so meticu- 
lously for interviews on Today or Good 
Morning America, which run seven т 
utes apicce well, what the fuck. 
good does it do to read a whole hoc 
il you've got seven minutes and the 
ver to the first question runs three 
minutes? It's a joke. 

PLAYBOY: Bur your interviews are longer 
than seven minutes. 

SNYDER: I've wanted people who read 
Irving Wallace and Jacqueline Susann to 
at least be exposed to Ayn Rand. 
and Arie! Durant or Sterling Hayden. 
And I'm not afraid to 1 

the ^ 


or how n 


on 


y when it watches the 
And I'm not afraid to rev my 
k of knowledge in certai y 
thats all I am. Fm a 
transmission belt for inform 
PLAYBOY: Have we established, then, that 
you are not an intellectual? 


own la 


Em a conduit; 


SNYDER: No, I'm not an intellectual. I'm 
not a bookworm. I don't sit in this of- 
fice and read books all afternoon. If I 
did, I wouldn't have time to do inter- 
ws for PLAYBOY. 1 just don't consider 
myself a member of the intelligentsi 
PLAYBOY: Would Dick Cavett admit to 
Ч 
SNYDER: I don't think he's as smart as he 
would like us all to believe. 

PLAYBOY: How would you compare his 
style with your own? 

SNYDER: He's bookish. I'm sure he reads 
more than I do. I read maybe ten per- 
cent of my guests’ books before they're 
on the show. He probably does rcad all 
the books. I don't know him that well. 


PLAYBOY: Whar's the difference in the 
way you and Cavert interview? 
SNYDER: He'll talk with Luciano Pava- 


rotti about opera and what makes great 
opera. I'd like to know what he likes 
on his pizza. 

PLAYBOY: You've had Pavarotti on your 
show; what does he like? 

SNYDER: Pepperoni and 


ıchovies. 


PLAYBOY: How much research do you do 
оп your guests? 

SNYDER: ] do my research in the two 
hours preceding the show itself. You 
know, people who come on don't have 


a great deal of time. I have to be their 
barometer and their metronome. Their 
concertmaster. 

AYBOY: But you rely on your staff to 
preinterview the guests, don't you? 
SNYDER: Yes, heavily. But there's a dil- 
ference between a. preinterview and the 
actual TV taping. When critics attack 
me for doing a superhici: terview with 
a supposedly “fascinating” man, they 
y 1 haven't done my job; but they 
n't interviewing the man. Maybe the 
guy doesn't Icel good or doesn't. 


talk. Or maybe he's got stage fright. For 
iple. I 


did a ew some years 
Philadelphia on the old Contact 
show with Geraldine Chaplin, who was 
then touring the country the. Lillian. 
Hellman рі The Little Foxes. Now, 
that's not chopped liver! That's good. 
That's a great vehicle for that young wom- 
an to be in. Her father, Charlie Chaplin, 
was one of the great movie actors. You 
would think she'd have wealth of 
things to шік about. Well, I brought her 
into that studio and must have asked 
her 5000 questions during that hour, and 
to each one she answered "Yes" or "No" 
or “Uh-huh.” Now, that's not because I 
didn't do my research but because she 
did not come prepared to talk. But 
some might say 1 fucked up anyway, be- 
ise 1 didn't do the research. 

PLAYBOY: Do other guest "misfires" come 
10 mind? 

SNYDER: Yes. Joey Bishop didn't work 
out, because we didn't have a studio 


go 


audience for him to react to. And David 
Merrick didn't work out, because what 
he does is behind-the-scenes stuff. In both 
cases, I was surprised it didn't work, be- 
cause the research read very well in the 
afternoon and 1 went out there expect- 
ing it to go well in the studio. Joseph E. 
Levine was another one—an interesting 
exercise, 

PLAYBOY: Why? 

SNYDER: Well, here was a man who cer- 
tainly had a wealth of experience in 
his lifetime as a grcat motion-picture 
producer. I asked him how he got from 
being a man who ran a restaurant in 
Boston to one of the world's most suc- 
cessful independent movie producers. 
What were the things that happened 
along the way? From point A to B, and 
so forth. . . . Well, Levine looked at 
me and said, “I in a movie studio 
in Astoria in 1939 and somebody showed 
me a script and the rest is history." 
And he stopped. And 1 looked at him 
and he looked at me and I looked at 
my watch aud said, "You know, Joe, 
we have got 42 minutes to go here, and 
if you could give me a little bit of this 


"T said, ‘Now here's Dr. 
Frank Field, weatherman, 
to take a leak—I mean a 


look—out the window.” 


history as we go along, it would be very, 
very helpful.” 

PLAYBOY: How often has that happened? 
SNYDER: I would say, out of the thousands 
of programs I've done over the years 
the number that have been fucked up 
because Т wasn't prepared to do my job 
could be counted on your fingers and 
on your toes. Now, that's not a bad bat- 
average. I'm not perfect and I don't 
s much as I should out of every 
occasions when 1 


get 
interview, There ar 
fuck up, but I don't fuck up because I'm 


not prepared. I don't fuck up because I 
don't have an interest in the guest. I fuck 
up because sometimes there are circum- 
stances beyond my control—it’s too hot 
in the studio, I don't feel well, I've got 
a cold, I'm hung over, which 
occasionally. 

PLAYBOY: What's an example of a 
cumstance in which you fucked up? 

SNYDER: We had a woman on the air—a 
cher—who maintained after 
survey that women. preferred 
oral stimulation to penile stimulation. 
And at the end of the show, I made а 
crack to the effect that, “Show me a m 
who doesn't do that and I'll steal his 


appens 


girl.” A funny little line in the locker 
room, perhaps, but not on television. I 
don't know why I said that—probably to 
get a laugh from the crew or to give a 
sly wink to the camera. There is such a 
thing as а double-entendre, or an off- 
color remark, but that was just a vulgar 
line. And the minute I said it, I thought 
to myself, How could you do that? I just 
knew I shouldn't have done it. There 
was another occasion here in New York 
on the local news when 1 said, 
here's Dr. Frank Field, weatherm: 
take a leak—I mean a look—out the 
window." I made believe it was a slip 
of the tongue, and that was part of being 
self-indulgent. But it was really in poor. 
poor taste. And the minute I said it, I 
thought, Oh, that's cheap. You're better 
than that. 

PLAYBOY: Of all your shows, is there one 
that stays with you, one that changed 
you or touched you? 

SNYDER: We had a woman on a couple 
of years ago in L.A. who had been raped 
by a man in 5 Francisco known as 
Stinky. She went through the whole 
experience. of heing violated with her 
three-year-old child outside the door. 
knocking on the locked bedroom door. 
And she touched me, For that hour, 1 wa 

shamed to be a male. Î was just ashamed 
of my gender, that a man 


Now 


ad done this 
to a woman, violated her in such a fash- 
ion, raped her. And that show haunted 
me for a long time—one or two months. 
PLAYBOY: Do you think you let your feel- 
ngs show when you're affected? 

SNYDER: I think I do. I know I do. This 
is going to sound self-serving, but let's 
talk about Phyllis Schlafly 
the subject of my feelings. She once 
asked me on my program if I'd want my 
daughter to go through ba: 
Well. I gave her a long ar 
1. "We don't wa 


nd be taugi 
I said, "Phyllis, I went 
through basic training in the United 
tes Air Force, and they did not teach 
me how to kill. They taught me how 
to polish floors. how to make beds, 
how to wax floors, how to clean latrines 
and how to 
said, "Phyllis. 
women I know who w 


ib out pots and pans.” 1 
there are many 
uld do very well 
those basic skills." Well, I think 
that's saying something of how 1 feel. 
PLAYBOY: What did you think of Phy 
Schlafly? 

SNYDER: Her opinions are archaic, she's 
in the Stone Age and she's living in a 
dream world when she talks about what 
nt. Bat that doesn't make her 
a bad person. That doesi't mean that 
she's not a nice lady. It just means I 
think her opinions are full of shit 
I don't think that she is at all relevant 


young 


is 


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PLAYBOY 


68 


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to what's going on in the world today 
when it comes to E.R.A. 
PLAYBOY: We take it that Schlafly is not 
one of those guests you'd like to have 
had a couple of drinks with after the 
show. Have there been many guests with 
whom you've felt a certain chemistry— 
the kind that may have developed into 
something more than talk? 
SNYDER: Absolutcl 
with guests on the 
sions. You cant help it. There's chem- 
» eye contact, sitting close to each 
other. Cooking is thc word. You know, 
yowre talking about ideas and you find 
that somebody thinks much the same 
way you do. I've had little "zipless fucks” 
on the air on à number of occasions. On 
n, I desired that it would be 
more than zipless, but, unfortunately, 
she brought an entourage with her, and 
when I raced out to the elevator to 
invite her for dinner that evening, she 
s there with 18 people. And so it re- 
mained zipless. Now you would like me to 
tell you who that was, wouldn't you? 
PLAYBOY: Absolutely; who? 
SNYDER: It was Liv Ullmann. 
PLAYBOY: When you're interviewing ce- 
lebrities, do you try to get them to reveal 
new things about themselves? 
SNYDER: I don't think that any of the 
so-called celebrities we've had on have 
ever been put in the position of having 
to reveal too much. For example, ycars 
ago, we interviewed Coretta King on a 
twoway [rom Atlanta. Tt was at a time 
when all that stuff that J. Edgar Hoover 
had assembled about Martin Luther 
King, Jr. was coming out in the pres 
And I couldmt avoid the question— 
"Mrs. King, have you read all this? Wh: 
does that do to you?" And she said, *" 
know, I rcad all this. and 1 know that 
my husband knew other women, But I 
know that he loved me and mc alone." 
That is the end of the question. I mean, 
I could have taken her nose and rubbed 
it in the gossip: but T didn't. I don't 
think you have to take people right to 
the edge of the furnace and put their 
in it. 
PLAYBOY: You don't, then, take a moral 
tone when interviewing your guests? 
SNYDER: No. When you say a moral tone, 
you imply judgments. And most people 
who have watched my shows over the 
years know that we have had transsex- 
uals, trisexuals, bisexuals, lesbians, gay 
men, people who have been divorced, 
women who are getting married... . I 
make no judgments on these people. 
PLAYBOY: Do you ever fcel, though, that 
you exploit them? 
SNYDER: I think part of everyt 
do is. in some way, exploi 
е them on because the great curi- 
osity about them. We have them on to 
nd out about their different lifestyles— 
at they look and feel like and what 


осса- 


wa 


You 


their own personal morality is. In most 
cases, people who live in what are con- 
sidered to be 71 sexual circum- 
stances have as good a code of morals 
and personal honor and integrity as any- 
body else in this country. When I was 
a boy, the word for somebody who was 
homosexual was queer. That was the 
big put-down, and you were brought up 
almost to think t they all lived in 
dirty houses, that they didn't have cl 
fingernails and that they didn't bathe 
and that they were somehow subhuman. 
From doing this program, I've learned 
that there are a lot of people who are 
involved in lifestyles that T thought 
one time were sinful and unacceptable. 
who do have jobs code of person- 
al decency and morality. They want 
better jobs, more money, a nicer place 
to live, just like everybody else. 
PLAYEOY: On the topic of exploitation, 
you've had a lot of guests who have more 
than just" " For in- 
stance, one ewed a dom- 
inatrix, complete with whips and chains. 
But, in her case, you made a moralistic 
remark: “To me, this is sick." Wasn't 
n never to have done? 
Well, yes, I guess that comment 
was a moral judgment. But this lady 
me on with the id ou know, whip 
you, beat you, boil yo oil. And, to 
me, that is sick. If that’s а moral judg- 
ment, then I am being inconsistent. I 
remember she said, "And if you want, 
you can kiss my feet.” I looked at her 

nd said, "Lady. you can kiss my ass.” 
NBC blipped it out. 
PLAYBOY: Did she say anything to you 
after the show? 
SNYDI o, she just belted me around 
the studio and that was thc end of it 
PLAYBOY: Why do you think you reacted 
to her as you did? 
SNYDER: Well, I don't like to make moral 
judgments on things that are within the 
realm of rcality. We aren't talking about 
somebody confronted with a decision to 
abort or not to abort, or who has been 
a victim of rape or incest. We are talk- 
ing about somebody who advertises to 
those people who want to be physically 
dominated, act as masochists, and pay 
money for it. To me, that is not hin 
the bounds of reality. 
PLAYBOY: There may be a lot of con- 
senting adults who like that. 

I don't know how many people 

е been alive for 44 
rs now, and I have been in a lot of 
situations, you know, a lot of social and 
sexual situations, and I have yet to en- 
counter anybody who wants to have his 
testicles put in a crusher or his nipples 
pierced. 1 just don't run into those 
nds of people. 
PLAYBOY: You don't travel in those cir- 
cles, eh? 
SNYDER: I don't travel in those circles. 


that wl 


I wouldn't go to Plato's Retreat. To me, 

group-sex business that every- 
body writes so wonderfully about is in 
the world of fantasy, and I am very com- 
fortable keeping it there. My idea of 
beautiful. people having sex is not in a 
steam-filled hotel on the West Side of 
New York on a huge mattress. How the 
hell do yon avoid the wet spot in that 
kind of room? My idea of a great swing- 
ers ub is the Carlyle Hotel. with Dom 
Pérignon and beel Welli Don't 
give me the shitty snack bar with h 
sandwiches. I want the real thing. If all 
the people ngers' clubs looked like 
Playboy Bunnies and it all took place 
with that kind of opulence, then you 


ton. 


n sw 


would say, “Wow, this is great" But 
come on. You know. people talk about 
pornography and how great it is. How 


come all the pornographers operate in 
the shittiest part of town? 

PLAYBOY: Cheap rent. 

SNYDER: Times Square is cheap rem? 
PLAYBOY: Do you enjoy porn? 

SNYDER: Absolutely: 1 have been to X rat- 
cd motion pictures. I mean, God Al- 
mighty. one day an NBC colleague and 
I sneaked into Deep Throat at the Pu 
cat Cinema. 

PLAYBOY: And? 

SNYDER: I thought Deep Throat hys- 
terical. But I still think flagellation and 
dominance and sadomasodhi i 
PLAYBOY: No wonder Screw’ 
Goldstein, once put you on his 
List"— you're bad tor his busi 
SNYDER: Al Goldstein wrote U 
ing anuses such as Snyder . . . won't per- 
mit us on TV." After he put me on the 
5 somebody on the staff suggested 
that we have Al on the air, and I said, 
Fuck Al Goldstein, he’s put me on the 
List, I'm not putting him on the 
Somehow, he found out about this, and 
I was home опе night—the first night I 


ys of cable 
TV's Midnight Blue, when they had a 
Fuck you" at the end of every show. 
Everyon telling me I had to watch 
this Midnight Blue, tits on the air, you" 
going to go crazy. So 1 went home, and 
son of a bitch, there they were, tits on 
the nd they went on through the 
whole show. And at the end: “Good night 
and fuck you, Tom Snyder!" [Laughs] 1 
fell off the couch. I thought, How often 
can you watch television, the first night 
on Ma and he told to 
go fuck yourself on the air? I loved it! 
Subsequent to that, we did have Al on 
the show. 

PLAYBOY: Has he stopped picking on you? 
SNYDER: I like Al stein a great deal. 
Al and I share a number of common 
passions, none of which is sexual. He 
d 1 love gadgets. He and I adore clec 
wains, we both Jove his son, we both 


n cable. 


like our town houses in New York and 
we are forever exchanging notes 
whether or not our tomato. plants are 
doing well I got a call from Al one 
night through the switchboard at quarter 
of one in the morning; “Al Goldstein 
has to talk to you, it's a matter of the 
atest urgency.” I figured he was 
picked up by the police or trapped some- 
where. Al gets on the phone and says, 
“Listen, 1 just got the new automatic 
signal for the kind of trains we buy. 
Does the yellow wire go on tab A to 
make the light go on, or do you put it 
somewhere else?" A lot of people don't 
know this side of Al Goldstein—that he 


on 


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is a lovely man when he gets out of that 
sewer he operates called Screw. Now he'll 
probably put me on his Shit List again. 
Well, fuck you, Al Goldstein! 

PLAYBOY: Has anyone ever accused you 
of contributing to the demise of sex by 
diverting peoples late-night attention 
with your show? 

SNYDER: The most people we would p 
to on a given evening is 7,000.000. Now, 
subtract that from 220,000,000. 
leaves 213.000,000 people. So my 
ibution to celibacy in this country, 
I think, is minuscule. 

PLAYBOY: WI about the sexu 
tion? Has there really bee 


if you 
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i The Dinesletter 


P.O. Box 22, Belvedere, California 94920 


y 
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Mon (1a suenh. О SRG fa Gris. for d ment i 

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69 


PLAYBOY 


70 


SNYDER: As much as we all say we have 
been through the sexual revolution and 
are freer now of hang-ups than we were 
in the Fifties—in spite of all the talk of 
sexual revolution and freedom and the 
things that Hugh Hefner has written 
about and that he has done to Irce us all 
of our past hang-ups and our past con- 
cerns—America still views immorality as 
being sexual in nature. We are qui 

willing to forgive embezzlement defraud- 
ing workers’ сім on exams 
those l! forgivable. But to 
catch a man in bed with a woman who is 
not his wile, or ha man w 
is not her husband, a woman with another 


things arc 


woman wi 


woman in the Navy, a man with another 
man in a college situation—that is, in 
America's mind, the unforgivable sin. 
When we catch somebody in a "sexual 
crime,” we behave as Christians and, as 


members of the Christian army, we do the 
noble thing—we shoot the wounded. 
When somebody commits a sexual trans- 
in the minds of moral. Ame 
that is the ultimate sin. It’s perfectly prop- 
er to put one's finger in somebody сез 
That is not a crime. Bur when we 


gressic 


get to other parts of the anatomy, it is 
something that can never ever be lorgiv- 


en, in spite of all our “liberalism.” We 
re still a ри ical and moralistic na- 
tion when it comes to things sexual. 
What killed Ted Kennedy’s cand 
in 1980? Not his stand on wellare and 
not his program for jobs; not his liberal- 
What killed his candidacy was Mary 
Jo Kopechne, the girl he left in the la- 
goon, to put it in the words of a Chicago 
writer. And people's preoccupation with 
the fact that Ted Kennedy had somehow 
sinned sexually. 
PLAYBOY: Roger Mudd's interview with 
1 


асу 


on CBS was instrumental іп dam- 
ging his chances for the nomination. 
Mudd. of course. grilled him ou Chappa- 
quiddick. Had you done that interview, 
would you have handled it differently? 
SNYDER: I would not have asked those 
questions about Chappaquiddick, In my 
ver and done wi ‘That 
rible tragedy, certa 
l her f 
ing in public lif 
Why keep going ove 
that was the issue in his campa 
the Presidency. I just don't see why that 
was so important, 

PLAYBOY: Maybe that's why NBC re- 
placed you and Prime Time Saturday 
with David Brinkley and NBC News 
Magazine. Maybe they felt you weren't 
«hitting enough. Do you think 
kley will have the freedom to do 
what he wants? 

SNYDER: No. The management exerts 
fluence on everything that goes on the 
air at NBC News and that show is being 
watched very closely. And all that stuff 


was a ho 


about “They now have a real journalist. 
with the new m ine"—Pwell, that show 
employs the same staff of producers and 
backup people that we employed on 
Prime Time Sunday 
window dressing aside, the basic philoso- 
phies of that program are about the 
me. And I can't believe that David 
Brinkley, who has been at NBC since the 

is all of a sudden going to put a 


Forties, is 
whole new imprint on that program. 
PLAYBOY: You scem a bit rankled about 
some people's saying youre n 
journalist. 

SNYDER: Columnists have written, "NBC. 
insiders claim Tom Snyder finished, 
Tom Snyder isn't a newsman, Tom Sny- 
der isn't a journalist, Tom Snyder's a 
hot dog. Tom Snyder's an entertainer. 
Who the fuck are all these people? In 
court ol law, you're allowed to face your 
accusers; but when you work for the 
NBC television network, insiders are 
quoted at length about my failure to do 
my homework, to be a journalist, and I 
don't even know who these people are. 
I would never have done Prime Time 


“When we catch somebody 


in a 'sexual crime,’ as 
sof the Christian 


army, we do the noble 


тетбе 


thing—we shoot the 


wounded.” 


Sunday il Vd known then what I know 
now, But who could know all the things 
that were going to happen? And I don't 
want to be in the NBC News Division 
right now, because it's been made pain- 
fully clear to me that there's no place to 
me there. 

PLAYBOY: Weren't you led to believe that. 
Fred Silverman had a great deal of con- 
fidence in you and in Prime Time Sun- 
day Saturday and that it was going to 
on lor a long time? 

I heard that, too. Ih lot 
s about the "confidence" Silver 
man had in me aud | heard a lot of 
ss about the confidence Bill. Small 
me and ? me. 
As it turned out, as 


that confidenc 
bullshit, 1 think they were jerking me 


lor whatever reason—whether 
g for Mudd or for Dan 
t of their modus 


round, 


operandi. 
PLAYBOY: Sounds as though you're not 


satished with how things work at NBC. 
SNYDER: I don't like rumors, I don't like 
gossip. When I hadn't been told by NBC 


that Brinkley was going to do the new 
Maga I didn't like reading in the 
paper that he. in fact, would be doing it 
I think somebody should come and tell 
Which gets back to “inside 
"sources close to NBC say"—that sort of 
thing. I said to an NBC executive, "May 
I ask a question? Could you ask Mr 
du of your ces down 
there whether Fm na be back on this 
show in the fall or whether ГЇЇ just find 
out by reading the paper?" I strongly re- 
sented that. I felt that if Bill all 
n't like my work, goddamn it, come 
down here and say so. I mi 
thing! But the guy never called. So Prime 
Time Sunday became Prime Time Satur- 
day and now it’s evolved into Speak Up 
Brinkley! 

PLAYBOY: Has that exper 
humbled you? You've bei 
the past as saying you're 
failure.” 

SNYDER. In Philadelphia, 1 put on a 
show, Contact, live at nine AM., В 
there was a Phil Donahue. and it was 
success. I did a news program there that 
was a success, and theater reporting. 100 
A talk show called Sunday, 
show—success. So, Prime Time Saturday 
is the first show I've ever worked on, 


zine, 


say” or 


ЕС 


п. say some: 


lence finally 
1 quoted in 
a stranger to 


19 


lore 


local or network, in my life that's been 
акеп olf the air because it got shitty 
atings. Well, now failure and I have 
been very well introduced. The whole 


thing was a negative experience lor me. 
1 don't like failures. but people have 
them in their lifetimes, and this is my 
«oss to bear—Prime Time Saturday. 
Very disheartening. 

PLAYBOY: Is it true that you've decided 
not to do amy more prime-time ТУ 
shows? 

SNYDER: Yes, I'm very se 
I don't want to do any more Celelr ity 
Spotlights or News Magazines in prime 
time. | can't compete with ine Som- 
ers tits for ratings. There's no w 1 
can't compete with Charlie's Angels legs. 
1 simply cannot do that. And il you can't 
compete, you don't get rat 

don't want to read in the p: 
Snyder got low ratings when, i 
competing against somethi 
beat. | mean, if they run this i 
on the same truck as the cente 


es, and I 


rlold in 
the magazine, a lot more people arc 


going to look at those tits than 
to read this interview. I can't compete 
nd I wont compete 


PLAYBOY: From the si 
feel you didn't have a ch 
SNYDER: There was tremendous. press 
put upon me to do that program feat 
ing some kind of a breaking news story 
on ight. to make it appe: 
more of a newscast than a news magazine. 
That was not the philosophy that 1 had 


. did you 


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PLAYBOY 


74 


brought to the show. I felt myself growi 
more and more distant from the show and 
the people who worked on it, because it 
was going in a direction over which I had 
no control. We were on nst Love 
Boat or Fantasy Island on Saturday 
night, against Trapper John, M.D. on 
Sunday night. You can't compete on Sun- 
day, because the audience for that type of 
show has seen 60 Minutes and whether 
or not they want to see it again at ten 
п to question. Saturday night 
ment nighr 
asd 
they are on Sunday night. If Silverman 
had put the show on Monday nights at 
ten р.м. lor the first summer, we might 
have had a chance. We would have been 
on against baseball on ABC, which his- 
torically does very poorly in the 
We might have had a chance to develop 
n audience. Then I would hav 
ight up against 60 Minules at seven 
o'dock on Sunday night. We should have 
just gone tooth and nail with them and 
found out once and for all whether or 
not it had a chance to fly. 

PLAYBOY: Did you cver suggest that sce- 
nario to the NBC executives? 

SNYDER: No. They're very difficult to 
communicate with, because, in the main, 
they're all running for office. There's so 
much politics involved: friendships and 
nces of the past. I mean. right now. 
there is a CBSization going on at NBC 
News. Salant, Small, Westerman, Man- 
ning. who was here before they came. are 
d from their friends out of their 
CBS past. which is logical. They know 
those people and trust their work. But I 
pposc in the mind of Bill Small we're 
those assholes fucked up NBC 
News before he got here. I think he's 
dead wrong on that. but I can under 
stand how he would feel that way. I 
would say that anybody who was with 
NBC News prior to the arrival of the 
new managem is a dead fish. I think 
one by one we're all gonna be weeded 
out. You know, they got me out of the 
and T hope they're happy about that. 
Small and Gompany drove me out of the 
news division. there's no question about 
that. All those who were onetime up-and- 
'ws—and I consider 
self and Tom Brokaw to have been 
two of those—will eventually have to go. 
From where I sit, anybody who's worked 
for CBS News is now the bearer of the 
Holy Grail in the eyes of NBC n ge- 
ment. 1 would guess that since they 
courted them for so long. they must have 
some plans for them, especially Mudd. 
PLAYBOY: You have quite a record of 
longevity. How many NBC presidents 
and news chiefs have you gone through? 
SNYDER: Oh, my gosh, I think four or 
five presidents of news and seven or 
eight presidents of the network. 


moved 


who 


comers with N 
m 


Why do you think they're 
round so much? 


switched 
SNYDER: For the same reason that baseball 


managers get fired or football coaches 
get canned. gement just changes. 
last place—fire the man: 
lot better than firing the 
players. But it’s difficult for those who 
work in news when they change manag 
ment—you have to start all over again. 
When Dick Wald was president of NBC. 
News, he and I developed a relationship. 
He knew what | could do and would 
give me assignments. He had confidence 
in me, as I did in him as the executive 
olhcer in charge of the News Division. 
Well, one day, suddenly Dick Wald 
gone and you've got Lester 
We're right back to squ 
he's concerned with me. I've got to st 
all over again. Fm ic. The d 
Bill Small walked in here as presid 
news, I went back to square one. I'm пос 
saying this out of personal rancor. be- 
cause I dont know Bill Small personally. 
When he came in as president of NBC 
News, to him Tom Snyder was just 
another person starting on the vay 


"Anybody who was with 
NBC Neuws prior to the 
arrival of the new manage- 
ment isa dead fish. I think 
one by one we're all 
gonna be weetted out." 


first day. Tom Snyder wasn't someone 
who had donc news in Los Angeles and 
New York lor him. had done documen- 
taries for him, had done reporting for 
him. had done news programs lor h 
To him. I was. and am. just another one 
of the guys who are starting from day 
one. And when he leaves, all of the 
people who are in the news division will 
once agai from day one. Just a 
wh day comes—if it ever hap- 
pens—that Silverman moves on. Fm 
still here and I go right hack to square 
one again, and that’s very difficult. 
PLAYBOY: Do vou e much contact with 
Silverman? 

SNYDER: None whatsoever. I think the 
етта s over 
га Man of the Year Awa 
here in New York. I h 


wa 


probably just 
things to do, you know, and we're not 
here to be p nds—were here 
to get the job done. When 
hired to work (or NBC, 


“I'm going to make NBC number onc." 
We almost sealed his doom. because we 
set a standard for him that Jesus Christ 
couldn't live up to. We said this man— 
the Wunderkind, the master programer, 
the arch television strategist, the child of 
television—must make NBG number one. 
PLAYBOY: Tell us. would you like to be 
president of NBC? 

SNYDER: Yeah, I would like to be presi- 
dent of NBC. I would really lik 
NBC. Because I think I know what to do. 
Now. of course, th: a very immodest 
statement, because Silverman is president 
of NBC, and when he was given the job. 
Lam sure he said to himself then. as he 
does now, "I know what to do." As it 
turned out, in some areas, he didn't 
know what to do. 

PLAYBOY: Can you give an example? 
SNYDER: Well. by his own admission, he 
‚es. such as rushi 


to run 


has made some mista 
shows like Supertrain onto the 1 
know where the problems are. If you're 
going to spot probl television, I 
don't think you gather up executives and 
go to a meeting in Hawaii and discuss 
them. You go to the lots and to the T 
studios and you sit around and watch 
what is happening and talk with the cast 
id crew—and they will tell you ex- 
actly what's wrong with the show. 
PLAYBOY: Don't you believe Silverman 
has done that? 

SNYDER: I know he hasn't done it. That 
is not the way television executives 
operate. Very few TV executives come 
from the ranks of talent. You know 
Johnny Garson ain't going to be presi- 
dent of NBC and neither am I, nor is 
John Chancellor. But those of 
have been working, not in the executive 
suites but in the siudios and the trenches 
for the past 25 years know pretty much 
how to make that little box work. We 
know how things should be handled [ar 
better than do those who've been in the 
executive s 21 


us who 


sites for 2 
PLAYBOY: So you really would like the job? 
SNYDER: Yeah. I would take it in a second 
PLAYBOY: Have you ever thought of 
going up to Silverman's office and say 
ing. "Hey Fred, here is what you ought 
to do!"? 

SNYDER: Well. there is a wall betwe 
talent and шапа nt at every station 
where E have worked. We ry little 
comm io s. we are 
mortal enemies. Don't ask me why, but 
that’s the way it is. 

PLAYBOY: Do you le 
bosses care for you? 
SNYDER: They don't c: 


ev 


and in some w 


it least, that your 


they really don't 


give a shit. Td been on the air for four 
years when they sent me a telegr 
"Congratulations on. your first 


ary." This is going to sound like Sny- 
der's going after the exccutives, but God 
Almighty, sometimes you have to wonder 


PLAYBOY 


76 


about some of the things that manage- 
ment does and why it does them. There 
arc layers of management at all networks 
that are totally superfluous. There was 
a time at NBC, in Burbank, when there 
was one vice-president there. Now there 
must be 25. There’s an island in Hawaii 
that nobody's ever allowed to go to, I 
forget the name of it. I'm convinced that 
clone network executives there. 
When one set of executives is fired, they 
call that island and send in a new set. T 
see it from within: the positioning, the 
jockeying, the politics, the duplicity, the 
phoniness, the chaos. If I wrote it all 
down, nobody would ever believe some 
of the things that went on. 

PLAYBOY. Including the way top execu 
tives are axed? 

SNYDER: NBC historically has a way of 
handling things badly. It’s not so much 
a question of cleaning out your desk; it's 
preparing yourself emotionally for what 
is to come. If leaving is what is at the 
end of the trail, we ought to be allowed 
10 emotionally prepare for that. NBC 
fired Herb Schlosser in a most unglorious 
way when Silverman was hired. It was 
done in the press. When Wald was fired 
as president of news, he was allowed to 
twist in the wind in public for a week. 
When Crystal was fired as president of 
NBC News, it was handled very badly. I 
asked an executive with this company if 
Crystal was in trouble and he bald-ficed 


lied to me. He said no, when at the same 
time he was out trying to recruit some- 
one else. When Jane Cahill Pfeiffer was 
fired, it was done in a very, very bad way. 
I don't think you should read that the 
paper; you should hear that from your 
chief executive officer in the privacy of 
his office. NBC, when it has somebody 
walk the plank, makes people suffer. 
PLAYBOY: Who is your strongest NBC ally? 
SNYDER: I don't have any. Mine are all 
gone. I don't feel that there's anybody 
here 1 can really go to if there's a prob 
Jem with the Tomorrow show, and that's 
sad. money-making. 
show. Especially now, with the 90-minute 
expansion. All the people I knew here 
who would probably put up with my 
ans or let me holler and yell to 
get something off my chest are gone now. 
I don't feel comfortable communicating 
with anybody, because they don't return 
calls or respond to letters. If a network 
executive calls me and says, "Let's have a 
drink," I break out in a cold sweat, be- 
cause I don't want to go out with them 
or speak to them. For the most part, they 
are boring to be with and don't havc 
much that's interesting to say. 

PLAYBOY: As a man who's making a con- 
siderable amount of money, you might 
have a hard time finding people who 
would sympathize with you. 

SNYDER: We make a lot of money. They 


because this is a 


shenanig 


pay us extemely, extemely well 
helps 
ognition helps a little bit. 

PLAYBOY: We're glad to hear they're only 
bruises and not wounds. Do you still har 
bor a desire to be a news anchor? 
SNYDER: No. I feel as if a grea ¿ht has 
been lifted from my shoulders. There 
was a time when I would have given my 
left testicle to be one of “the four hors: 
" of the convention—the floor report 
ers—back in the late Sixties, When I joined 
NBC in 1970, it was a goal of minc. 
PLAYBOY: Have TV newsmen themselves 
become the celebrities? 

SNYDER: They have. You know, there's 
only one thing phonier than show 
and that's newsbiz. In the TV news in- 
dustry, people fight each other when th 
really should be working together. Roger 
Mudd is a fine reporter, but when he 
found out he wasn't gonna get the star 
job at CBS, he quit. Yet they continued 
him on salary. Well, when Marilyn Mon- 
тос didn't show up for a picture, they 
suspended her without pay. When you 
start to talk about newsbiz versus show- 
biz and the phoniness involved, I think. 
you have to think about things like that 
PLAYBOY: Are television executives afraid 
of your outspokenness on the air? Is that 
why you didn't get a news anchor spot? 
SNYDER: I think that was part of it. I once 
askcd Wald, who's now over at ABC, 


And that 
The vec 


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why I was never allowed to become more 
ns 


nd had done the same in 
“Well, 1 
you would em- 
I had the reputa- 


me. 


ways 
barrass me on the air. 
tion of being outspoken 

PLAYBOY: How have they tried to con- 
strict you? 

SNYDER: I was once asked to be a pre- 
senter at a Dean Martin roast in New 
York. shtick, just as myself. 
host of Tomorrow, 1 was told by network 
exces in the news department, 


an't do that. because irll destroy your 
credibility as a newsman.” And 1 told 


them, “I don't know what yo: 
e talking about. 1 don't appear on the 
ns, 1 don't do any primary cover- 
I don't anchor the nightly news as 
ief or anything else. My pri 
tion is to introdu 
ad Betty Furness on Ме 
Center іп New Y 
PLAYBOY: Have any of your “embar 
ing" moments on the air ever resulted in 
legal probiems lor NBC 
SNYDER: | anchored the six-oclock. news 
in L.A. for four and a half years, Гус 
anchored in New York for two, done a 
three-hour NBC special, Of Women and 
Men, the Sunda ht news for a year on 
the network and the News Update lor a 
Ш that time, I've not lost NBC 


people 


one single station license, there have been 
no lawsuits and there have been no picket 
marches out in front of 30 Rack [30 
Rockefeller Plaza, NBC headquarters in 
New York]. 

PLAYBOY: How do you want your 
ence now to perceive vou. as a jour 


or as an entertainei 
SNYDER: As a communicator. | have a 
friend out in L.A. who every now and 


again will see me and say. "You know, 
¢ wife and 1 think you're a very fine 
announcer.” In the minds of many 
people. everybody who's on TV who 
doesn And that's 
of us do talk 


y what we 
shows, some of 
of us do station br 
of many people who w. 
just announcers, And I'm not uncomlort- 
able with that term. 

PLAYBOY: Do you our responsibili- 
ties as a TV journ: viously? 

SNYDER: | don't feel that the stories I've 
covered in my career have been of great 
significance. While the greats in broad- 
cast journalism were covering wars and 
conventions, | was covering protest 
marches and fires, city-council meetings 
and mayoral races—more local and re- 
onal stuff. Great journ: is when 


ism 


you dress up in a uniform and go over 


nistan and 
the natives there. 
PLAYBOY: Wasn't there talk a while ago 


lentify yourself with 


of your defecting to АВС to become an 
nchor man? 

SNYDER: Yes. I wanted to go to ABC if I 
could have done Iate-night television. 
But there was no place for me there to 
do that. I don't want to read news 
more. The Tomorrow show is an indi- 
al show with a personal format, and 
1 wanted to continue doing that. 
PLAYBOY: What do you think of ABC's 
World News Tonight? 

SNYDER: From the first time it went 
you could say Roone Arledge was on to 
something. He flew in the face of all the 
tive predictions. He had a show that 
man. no 


. no discern 


ynolds, 1 
ike T was cock of the 
nk Reynolds has been 
h a number of ad- 
ns over there at ABC News. 
PLAYBOY: Do you think Arledge 

ess and excite. 
е into news? 


body was up in arms over the simple line 
“Good night, Chet. Good night, David. 


And good night for NBC News.” They 
thought, Oh. they ving too much 
fun with the n mebody ea 


one time about Brinkley 
Hunticy-Brinkley. Huntley- 
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D 


PLAYBOY 


80 


News on channel seven in New York, 
but there's always been presentation 
and production value in broadcast news. 
When Ed Murrow sat with the phone 
on the desk, the cord went into the 
drawer, but it didn't go anywhere from 
there. People who get all upset about 
the flash in TV news say Arledge did it. 
Arledge didn't do it, for heaven's sake. 
It's been there for a long while. 

PLAYBOY: Ts there any chance you might 
one day return to those "happy-talk" 
days of anchoring the local news and 
forget the internal politics of coast-to- 
coast exposure? 
SNYDER: Anchoring local television news 
now is a young man's business. They hire 
young men with no gray hair. The only 
ones with gray hair are those who've 
been there for 20 years. When I made 
my mark in Philadelphia in local TV 
news, I was 26 years old. I ain't a Young 
rk of television news anymore. I was. 
I was the role model. I changed it for- 
evermore. Not just myself but those of 
us who worked in Philly and Los An- 
geles—we didn't know it at the time, 
but we were inventing something that 
went on to be called happy-talk news, 
personality news. 

PLAYBOY: Do you feel you were the last 
of a dying breed of TV newspersons? 
SNYDER: This is going to sound terribly 
immodest, but fuck There are two 
great sins, false pride and false modesty. 
I was the last of a breed, I'm the end of 
an cra. There are no more single anchors 
in the major markets on television news. 
They're boy-girl teams now. 
PLAYBOY: Aren't you exagperatit 
bit? Isn't your ego showing? 
SNYDER: Listen, do you know how much 
money I've made for this company? Do 
you have any idea? I don't, but you look 
at the news in Los Angeles and the news 
in New York, where they told me a rat- 
ing point was worth $1,000,000 a year, 
each point! And I u of the years I 
was here in New York, it went up three 
or four points, I'm being modest! That's 
at least $3,000,000 a year for three years. 
That's $9,000,000 right there. Now let's 
go to Los Angeles, where they made a 
shit pot of money off the news out 
there [rom six to seven, absolutely a shit. 
pot full of money. I mean, if I were an 
executive and 1 helped turn things 
ound, I would have been promoted to 
president of the NBC television network, 
if not president of NBC, Inc. Once, with 
lverman, when we were talking, he 
aid, “What do you want?” I said, “Fred, 
NBC had come to you when you were 
at ABC and said, ‘Listen, we want to hire 
you as a programing executive, vice- 
president at NBC," you would have told 
them to go fuck themselves." He said, 
“That's right.” I said, “Because you 
wanted to be president.” He said, 
"That's right.” I said, “Fred, in my own 


g just a 


area, I want to be president, too. I want 
to be the single most important on-air 
talent at National Broadcasting Com- 
pany. I think you know that. 
PLAYBOY: When was that conversation? 
SNYDER: About two years ago. 

PLAYBOY: Do you still feel that way? 
SNYDER: No, I don't anymore. 

PLAYBOY: Why? 

SNYDER: Because they have fucked me. 
You know, it's when 1 still had ambi- 
tions in the Nightly News arca. 

PLAYBOY: Are you dispirited? 

SNYDER: No. But it ain't all been fun and 
games, you know. I haven't had the easy 
ones to do. Nobody said, "Here's the 
Nightly News." Nobody said, “Here's the 
Today show." Nobody said, “Here's The 
Tonight Show.” They said, "Here's one 
o'clock in the morning. Here's the local 
news in New York." It's not exactly what 
you'd call a Christmas present. 

PLAYBOY: Have you cver suffered an 
identity crisis or a confusion of person- 
alities, from having done a variety of 
programs, including news and talk show 
simultaneously? 

SNYDER: When you do all kinds of shows, 


— 
“If I were paranoid, I 
would believe that there 
was some kind of grand 
plan to get me out of here— 
but I am not paranoid." 


you have to be all kinds of people. The 
Tomorrow show is one person, the news 
is another kind of format and youre 
expected to bring a different demeanor 
to the reading and reporting of the news. 
And that gets very confusing in my own 
head, or it did at the time I was doing 
both. Being the straight news reporter 
for one hour and Mr. Nice Guy Talk 
Show Host for the other hour. And there 
was a conflict in my own mind. I started 
to wonder who I really am when I'm on 
the air. You can’t really be yourself on 
the news program—you're the prisoner of 
that format. 

Five years ago, I was still of a mind 
that the more time you spent on the 
the happier you were going to be. When 
you start out, you equate success with 
visibility. But I found out that the 
amount of time you're on the air doesn’t 
have any relationship to how happy you 
are in your job. 

PLAYBOY: Did any kind of happiness 
enter your life when NBC sent you back 
to Los Angeles in 19772 

SNYDER: For reasons that I have never 
understood—and will probably never 


know—somebody at NBC decided it 
would be a great idea to get me the hell 
out of New York. Maybe this is my own 
paranoia, but I had the feeling that there 
was this concerted effort to get me back 
to LA, where I couldn't cause any 
trouble, where T wouldn't be as visible 
and where I wouldn't attract the atten- 
tion of the pres. I was there with 
Tomorrow for two years. The press 
release lI was "delighted" to move 
back to L.A.—but that is always what it 
says in the press release: “Mr. Snyder 
is "delighted, or Mrs. Pfeiffer is “de 
lighted. " Everybody is always delighted 
when NBC announces something. They 
never say, "Well, we finally got rid of 
the son of a bitch. He is gone. We don't 
have to talk to him anymore." At this 
little farewell party in the news depart- 
ment, they gave me a map of the island 
of Elba. And we all know Napolcon 
went there for his exile. 

PLAYBOY: What about your return to 
New York in 1979? 

SNYDER: Well, I returned from exile with 
great triumph on Prime Time Sunday, 
which we all know was not one of the 
great hits of all time. 

PLAYBOY: Would you describe yourself as 
a paranoid person? 

SNYDER: I don't think I'm paranoid. If 
I were, I would have left NBC months 
ago, when they had all this stuff in the 
papers about Steve Allen taking over the 
Tomorrow show. If I were paranoid, 1 
would believe that there was some kind 
of grand plan to get me out of here— 
but I am not paranoid. I knew that it 
was press agentry and negotiation and 
bullshit. And so I sat right here in this 
office and did my job. 

PLAYBOY: Have the executives changed 
their attitudes toward you, now that 
you're doing the "new" Tomorrow show? 
SNYDER: We get a lot of attention right 
now from the executives. Prior to the 
nouncement of the new 90-minute 
show, we reccived no attention from any 
executives. But I have some resentment 
about that particular descriptive term. 
There is no new Tomorrow show. There 
is the Tomorrow show. 

PLAYBOY: To what e: 
control of the show? 
SNYDER: I am in control to the extent that 
when it gets into the studio, I run it. 
But prior to that, it belongs to Pam 
Burke, who's the executive producer, Pat 
Caso, the producer, Bob Morton—all 
these people I work with, they are the 
idea-generating machine. Producers pro- 
duce, writers write, directors direct and 
stars star. Everybody has his arca of exper- 
tise. Every now and again, it misfires, but 
in the main, they know what plays. 
PLAYBOY: So you trust these people more 
than you do the NBC executiv 
SNYDER: Absolutely. I would not trust the 


tent are you in 


(800) 423-2452 


PLAYBOY 


judgment of any NBC executive when it 
came to deciding what was good for the 
Tomorrow show. And that’s bad. I 
simply don’t think they have any com- 
prehension of what they're talking about. 
Which is OK, because that's their job. 
And they have never interfered. 

PLAYBOY: There have been various re- 
ports about your new salary. Are you 
making $1,000,000 a year? 

SNYDER: I do not c; $1,000,000 a year. 
NBG docs not pay me that amount of 
money. 

PLAYBOY: Would you elaborate? 

SNYDER: When I negotiated with NBC 
974 to come to New York the first 
time to do NewsCenter 4, I negotiated a 
contract that was beyond my wildest 
dreams, moneywise. Yes, they paid me 
a lot of money. There were reports in 
the newspapers that that contract paid 
me, as I recall, $400,000 a year. 

PLAYBOY: Were those reports correct? 
SNYDER: That was a ball-park number— 
very close. Now, when I agreed to extend 
that contract in 1979 to do Prime Time 
Sunday and the Tomorrow program here 
in New York, there was no increase in 
salary. That ball-park number remained 
the same, which was fine with mc. How 
much money can you spend? For doing 
the three additional prime-time Celebrity 
Spotlight specials, they paid me extra 
money. My new contract, as measured 
against the total sum of money paid to 
me for the Tomorrow program, Prime 
Time Sunday and the three specials, 
gives me an increase of, I think, $35,000, 
Which is not a great big increase. So it's 
not that I play hardball for great big 
sums of money. I don't do that. If I did 
any additional programs for NBC be- 
yond the 90-minute Tomorrow program, 
it would have to be negotiated separately. 
PLAYBOY: Didn't you just say you would. 
not be doing any morc prime-time shows? 
SNYDER: If NBC were to say, "Let's put 
together a show that uses you to your 
best advantage, as an interviewer, a 
conversationalist, а personality—involv- 
ng the things that you do on the 
Tomorrow program, tailored for prime 
time, unedited and live on tape," well, 
that would be appealing to me. That I 
would consider. But not a celebrity-inter- 
view show, not a show that is formatted by 
the network or by the entertainment divi- 
sion and gets in the way of what I like to 
do. I don't want to be crammed into some- 
body else's format. But then, it's highly 
possible that after the performance on 
Prime Time Sunday, the NBC television 
network never wants to sce me on prime 


nyway. 
PLAYBOY: Can you expand a bit on your 
contract negotiations with Brandon 


Tartikoff, the president of NBC Enter- 
tainment? 

SNYDER: Well, we didn't sit in a room 
and go hammer and tong at each other 


negotiating. "Ihe only thing that I 
wanted to know from NBC was what 
ind of show the expanded Tomorrow 
was going to be. What kind of staff? 
Would I have to relinquish my role as 
the single host? Would there be a studio 
audience? Etc. There was some talk of 
the show's going back to Los Angeles 
which I didn't want, because T think it's 
dumb to have the two late-night pro- 
grams coming from the same coast and 
the same studio. We didn't talk about 
money but about conditions and terms. 
PLAYBOY: How do you think you came 
out in those negotiations? 

SNYDER: lt was not a question of my 
winning over NBC or NBC's winning 
over me. Historically, there's been ten- 
sion between The Tonight Show and the 
Tomorrow show, not because of the per- 
sonalities involved on the air but because 
we are both dealing in the same area. 
And The Tonight Show has been very 
jealous of its prerogatives in terms of the 
people it books on the air, the regulars 


“T have no worry about 
anybody” 


upstaging me, 
including Rona Barrett. 
Iam secure enough 
in my own presence 
on television." 


that Johnny Carson has on his program. 
Just as we have been jealous of ours. 
When you work in Burbank, The 
Tonight Show and the Tomorrow show 
are side by side, with both staffs on the 
same lot. There’s an apprehension that we 
can't book a person without The To- 
night Show getting pissed off at us. Will 
they feel that we're infringing on their 
territory? We don't want to produce a 
show that looks like The Tonight Show 
or a continuation of that show. That 
would be dumb for us to do. 

PLAYBOY: Why? 

SNYDER: Well, we're not a George Burns, 
Robert Blake, Angie Dickinson type of 
show: we're an author-politician-person- 
in-the-news-interesting-character type of 
show. That was the primary reason for 
my telling Tartikoll that taking the 
Tomorrow show back to California 
would be a mistake. It creates a lot of 
internal political tensions that nobody 
really needs. Now we're 3000 miles away 
here in New York and Freddy De Cordova 
runs his show out there and Pam Burke 
runs her show here in New York. 


people with the new Ron 
lebrity segment, aren't you? 


Barrett ce- 


SNYDER: Rona has her own little stait of 
people out there that will be doing that, 
and she will not bc doing a celebrity 
every night; perhaps only if that person 
is currently newsworthy. 
PLAYBOY: Do you worry that she might 
upstage you with her West Coast reports? 
SNYDER: I have no worry about anybody's 
upstaging me, including Rona Barrett. 
The show is 90 minutes long and there 
is plenty of room for Rona and Tom and 
whoever else comes on it. I said that to 
Tartikoff when he asked me that very 
same question, and to Rona Barrett 
when she asked me. I said, “Rona, 
whether I do 90 minutes or ten minutes, 
the check is the same!" And that is the 
way I feel. I am secure enough in my 
own presence on television, confident 
enough my own work that I don't 
worry about being upstaged. 
PLAYBOY: Who decided to bring Rona to 
the Tomorrow show? 
SNYDER: When we were talking about the 
new Tomorrow show in June 1980, 
Tartikoff and I were having a conversa- 
tion about some of the elements he 
thought should be in there and one of 
those things was a personality rcportcr. 
He used the words "somebody like a Rona 
Barrett" And either he or I said, "Why 
don't we get Rona Barrett? Why go for 
an imi n?" 
PLAYBOY: Have you cver thought of 
having a permanent side-kick on TV? 
SNYDER: Well, way back, I wanted to 
develop a series of regulars. I don't know 
why we haven't done that. I could en. 
sion somebody like Allan Carr or Marvin 
Hamlisch or Mel Tormé. But not every 
night, like Carson and Ed McMahon; it 
would be too obvious. Just once a month 
or so. 
PLAYBOY: What about the proposed news 
breaks on the new Tomorrow show? Was 
it you who killed them? 
SNYDER: The news bursts are out because 
we'd have to leave a hole in the tape, а 
blank two minutes or so, and somebody 
would come on live from New York or 
Burbank and do the news and then go 
back to the tape. But what if the Pope 
died and we were to come back and we 
had a ventriloquist on? What happens if 
there's an air crash and 255 people arc 
killed and we come back to tape with a 
comic who makes no reference to a great 
tragedy? That's the thinking that pre- 
vailed, It would have made the show 
look insen © 
PLAYBOY: Do you feel there is a dilution 
of your role on the show? 
SNYDER: I suppose, if you look at it that 
way, it's a dilution of my role, since I'm 
no longer the sole person on, doing 
everything as I have been for seven 
years. But I like the idea of variety, 
change of pace, so that it isn't just me 
(continued on page 156) 


[2] 


WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PLAYBOY? 


One who doesn't mind being distracted from his market musings to share an insight provided 
by a trusted advisor. He is a confident man, who can divide his attention without diminishing 
his perception. He knows what he wants, whether it be a first-rate brandy from a cut-glass 
decanter or a fine cigar. He seeks a high return on his investments, which is why he Ej 
acquires a copy of PLAYBOY each month, to assess the present and plan the future. 


84 


T I had finally found 


poor person in Japan. A beg- 


during Tokyo's 
evening rush hour, she w 
artfully done up in rags and 
tags that I couldn't resist 
dropping a copper into her 
peasantstyle bonnet. A cop- 
per! I didn't know then but I do now 
why she looked at me so funny. One 
doesn't give copper in Japan, even if it 
ten-yen piece worth almost a nickel. 
t woman, I found out lates 
and successful fixture in the lucra- 
tive Ginza, one of the world's fanciest 
shopping districts—Tokyo’s Fifth Ave- 
nuc. She is said to do quite well at her 
theatrical little trade. No wonder she 
looked askance at my coin. In the Ginza, 
you pay two dollars for а cup of coffee 
My paltry alms simply confirmed for her 
what the Japanese have believed all 
along—that Westerners аге barbarians 
not to be understood in civilized terms. 

Nobody is poor in Japan, And almost 

nobody is rich, either. At least you can't 
really tell if they . The indus 
trial mogul and his chauffeur dress al 
most exactly alike—in the ubiquitous 
dark business suit. The difference be- 
tween a ride in the chauffeured Nissan 
(Datsun) President and the Nissan Blu 
bird taxi is merely one of detail—notl 
ing like the difference between a Dodge 
taxi and a Caddy limo or a Volkswagen 
Rabbit and a Mercedes 450SEL. 
Japan is the most pervasively prospe 
ous country on earth. Everybody has 
nice stereo, everybody has a telephone 
and everybody has a color TV set thai 
not only flashes balls, strikes and outs 
during every pitch of every baseball 
game but also computes the speed of 
each pitch, in kilometers, by the time the 
ball hits the catcher's mitt—as well as 
the batter's cu ge after every 
time at bat. Japan is the country with 
over 99 percent literacy and three n. 
tional newspapers selling a total of 
25,000,000 copies per day. It is the coun 
ty with the highest life expectancy —78 
lor women, 73 for men—of any nation 
in the world except Iceland. It is the 
country where the trains run so perfectly 
on time tha you board the 12:10 for 
Kyoto at 12:10 and 30 seconds, you are 
getting onto another train usi that 
same platform to head for someplace 
else. IH is the country where the u 
drivers still open and shut the door for 
you—without getting out of their seats 
(it is done mechanically via a lever at- 
tached to the steering column). 

Japan is the country in which every 
new car has a warning beeper that goes 
off when the speedometer hits 110 kph 
(68 mph)—six miles above the speed 
limit. When it reaches 120 kph, the 
Leeper becomes a steady buzz. It is the 


country where a private 
company 
trucks th 


arbage-pickup 
astalled a Р.А. system on its 
ys soft music while making 
its c nds to mask the 
clash and clatter of the job at hand. It is 
the country where the callow youth like 
to carry transistorized radios onto the 
subway to catch the latest Weste 
sounds—except that they w 
so nobody else has to share their ecstasy. 

Japan is, of course, the home of the 
transistorized, motorized, diode-driven, 
turized everything. No matter how 
much Japanese stull you think you've 
seen in American electronics shops, thi 
is nothing to prepare you for the cornu 
copia of electronic goods in Tokyo. It is 
gadget freaks wet dream. The Japa- 
nese penchant for turning electricity into 
consumer comforts has also made it the 
nil of the sliding door. They used to 
have shoji, the ricepaper-covered light 
pine doors that slide, and they still do in 
1 restaurants, in private homes and 
s of the Hilton Hotel. 
Now they probably also have more auto- 
matic glass doors per capita than 
where in the world. In. Japan, eve 
barber's chair is electric. 

Japan is so comfortable with its sound 
around clectronic gadgetry that there is 
even a disco/pub in the youthful enter- 
tainment district ol Roppongi where you 
ап play disc jockey yoursell. A good 100 
albums are stacked up lor you to choose 
from; the stereo rig is as large and so- 
phisticated as anything this side of 
non. Roppongi core disco 
and Western-style nightclub. quarter, 
where the international modeling set 
hangs out and rich Japanese kids in loose 
white linens and silk scarves do tame 
Travolta imitations late into the night. 

Japan is also the country that has 
solved the Great Umbrella Question: 
viz, how not to have it stolen without 
carrying it wet and dripping into you 
отсе, restaurant, etc. Since everyone 
са s the same black folding umbrella, 
there is an umbrella rack outside every 
hotel, restaurant and many Japanese 
office buildings. It is rectangular or cir- 
cular, with 50 to 100 lockable umbrella 
slots. Slide in the umbrella, dose the 
lock, pull out the key and put it in you 
pocket. The locks and keys are almost 
superfluous, since there is virtually no 
thelt in Japan: but the number on the 
key serves to help you find your own 
umbrella. No charge for the rack. 

Besides being the world’s cleanest 
country—you could eat breakfast off the 
street, except that there is probably a 
law against it—Japan seems to be the 
world’s safest. The crime figures of the 
country are something of a joke and have 
been in steady decline for the past three 
decades. In contrast with evi other 
city in the world, the crime rate of Tokyo 
has actually dropped nost direct 


th 


who are these people— 
and why do they always 
catch us sleeping? 


article 


By PETER ROSS RANGE 


ILLUSTRATICNS BY KINUKO Y. CRAFT 


THE TECHNOIOGY 


WAR: BEHIND 
JAPANESE LINES 


to the japanese, 

americans are decidedly 
scrutable— 

we're crazy for toys 


3 very Sunday, they flock to Akiha- 
[3 bara, the subway stop in north 
Tokyo that is elevated above 
the world's largest electronics 
market. All the great brands, plus 
dozens you've never heard of, are 
stacked to the ceiling and brazenly 
discounted in open-front, air-condi- 
tioned stereo stores that surpass even 
the crazed American audiophile's wild- 
est imagination. Akihabara, a latter- 
day labyrinthine street bazaar that 
extends for blocks ‘away from the sub- 
way line, is the world capital of gadgets. 
But if Akihabara is the iceberg 
n rice; 


Tokyo uses a computer readout when 
telling fortunes. 

Besides automobiles, nothing so per- 
fectly represents Japan's felicitous 
amalgam of technoloy and marketing 
as the consumer-clectronics industry. 
Perhaps it's our puritan-ethic practical- 
йу. a kind of macho conservatism 
that always considers big, useful things 

rute force more noble 

luxury” items such as half-ounce 
calculators designed by computer. Per- 
haps it's our imprisonment in the my- 
s. _thologies of our own habits (Japan 
“the “practically invented the C.B-radio and 
motorcycle markets in this country). 
Whatever the cause, Japan has seized 
what could be called the sexual fringe 


EC MUR Industrial Revolution. If 
life is ee will produce its 


play toys. merica, meanwhile, we 
make a very good washing machine. 
(And if the Japane ided to make 


washing machines for our'market, you 
can be sure they would | 
push- 
outs—than ours.) Ў : 
Richard Halloran, New York Times 
correspondent formerly based in Tokyo 
and author of Japan: Images and Real- 
itics, points out that "the Japanese ship 
abroad only those things they're sure 
portable cassette will sell. But in their own market, 
L.componentsjstem they'll produce many more products, 
vee are (with sometimes just small variations on the 
== are many same thing. In a regimented society, it 
© such systems in one E "The big gives people just a fillip of difference." 
things this year are the new It is the search for that fillip of vari- 
sets, suitable for receiving musi ety that keeps the Japanese engineers 
in stereo or for the increasingly md designers busy and competitive. 
mon bilingual broadcasts—you flip a е instinct that enables a Jap- 
switch to choose the language you un- cate earth sculpture from a 
derstand. Even the palm reader outside 


one of a dozen melodies you pro- 
into them); the Sony Building on 


to play д 
shortwave 


and listen to dozens of 


tion, space and mi 

electronics arcades of. 

simply the duty-free shop at 1 

port—and one realizes the lei 

the Japanese engineers is simply, nay 

ot?” Apparently, nothing is too silly, | 
putrageous or miniaturized for their 

serious consideration. 

— PETER ROSS RANGE 


proportion to the growth of the city's 
population (which now stands at about 
14,000,000, just behind Mexico City's, 
the largest in the world). Space-cramped 
shops often extend their displays out 
onto the sidewalk, leaving expensive 
clothes and accessories outdoors unat- 
tended all да 

А frcefloating freedom [rom anxiety 
comes over you alter а few days in ^ 
kyo: it gradually sinks in that you rcally 
aren't in any kind of danger. Leave your 
pocketbook or camera anywhere and 
nothing will happen. You don't realize 
the degree to which we Westerners arc 
always on guard against some violence to 
our property or our persons until you 
spend a little time in a place where there 
is almost nothing to guard against. One 
of the oddest sensations I ever had was 
arriving in the airport of Sydney, Aus- 
tralia, alter ten days in Japan and having 
a sense of danger—can I leave my type- 
writer here for a minute? Will somconc 
take i@—sweep over me. There we were, 
the crazy heterogeneity of Western man, 
guys in es, guys in rags, guys with 
mischief in their eyes. 

The Japanese have no mischief in 
their eyes, In fact, at first glance, they 
don't have much of anything in their 
eyes. “The thing I missed most when I 
came here," said one Japanese who re- 
turned six years ago, after spending most 
of her youth in the United States, * 
that nobody would look me in the eye. 
Japanese don't show anything with their 
cyes or with gesturcs." 

The thing that I missed was eye con- 
tact of any kind. A foreigner in Japan is 
very foreign. They scem to look through 
you, right past you. Part of this is merely 
the national style, for they don't walk 
around the streets making eyes at one 
another, either. But another part of it is 
Japan's inner-directedness, its unconcern 
with the un-Japanese, its unstated dis- 
dain for people and things foreign. They 
don't particularly think of their concrete- 
andstecl, air-conditioned, transistorized 
lifestyle today as Western; instead, its 
Japanese, moderm Japanese. And al- 
though the fundamental framework was 
unabashedly copied from the West dur 
ing the cra from 1868 to 1912 known as 
the Meiji Restoration, one look at Japan 
today and you know it is Japan's own 
modern way, not a bunch of imported 
stuff from the West. After all, the taxi 
doors open like magic. They thought of 
that by themselves. Nobody has had the 
good sense to copy it. 

" 


The hum you hear is the sweet sound 
of Japanese cars and trucks being un- 
loaded from Toyota's custom-b 
ships at Long Beach dock in Southern 
California, Along the great underbelly 
of the Los Angeles sprawl lies the incon- 
spicuous hub of the industry that has 


87 


PLAYBOY 


88 


put U.S. commerce into a trance and 
siphoned away much of the American 
sense of self-esteem: the Japanese car 
importers. 

“We were like the French Foreign 
Legion," explains Norm Lean, a former 
sportscar hobbyist and industrial-arts 
high school teacher who is now the 
highest-ranking American at Toyota 
Motor Sales U.S.A. Lean is talking about 
himself and other Americans working for 
the Japanese car makers, pariahs of the 
Detroit-dominated domestic car business 
who found new professional homes and a 
willing ear in their Japanese bosses. 
Lean used to work for Ford. "We all 
came from U.S. companies or Volks- 
wagen for our own personal reasons. 
Then we were able to avoid the pitfalls 
they face in Detroit 

The foreign legionnaires who turn the 
marketing and management wheels today 
at Honda, Datsun, Toyota and other 
Japanese importers are half the reason 
cars from Yokohama harbor gobbled up 
a whopping 22 percent of the U. S. auto 
market in the first three quarters of 1980 
(the other half is the product—good and 
efficient). These are men who found their 
talents and imaginations smothered dur- 
ing their years with the Big Three but 
have lived to see Detroit eat the crow 
they left behind. 

“I was converted to small cars 15 years 
ago, when George Romney was president 
of American Motors, where 1 worked, 
says John Gladen, chief of marketing 
and research for Datsun in the U.S. 
“George said someday 65 percent of the 
cars sold in the U.S. would be small 
cars—and everybody laughed. Well, last 
year, 65 percent of the cars sold in Amer- 
ica were small cars." Gladen is a legion- 
naire who worked for all three of the 
major U. S. compa: 
‘The problem in Detroit is politics, 
says one Nissan executive. "It's ‘Yessir, 
Mr. Ford,’ ‘Nasir, Mr. Iacocca,’ all that 
bullshit. Everybody is afraid to tell the 
truth. They don't have the right atmos- 
phere. Here you're listened to. You may 
be wrong, but they don't make a fool of 
you." 

The litany goes on. Cliff Schmillen, 
former Marine fighter pilot, former 
American Motors regional sales manager, 
now vice-president of auto sales for 
American Honda Motor Co., tells it even 
more blunily: "We've all known for 40 
years we needed small, comfortable, pre- 
equipped cars, but those idiots in Detroit 
wouldn't listen. They made us sell those 
dogs they were building." The small, 
comfortable, preequipped Honda Ac 
cord is the hardest-to-buy car in America 
today (“We don't sell cars; we allocate 
them,” says one Honda executive). And 
the small, comfortable, pre-equipped 
Honda Civic 1500GL may be, pound for 


pound, the best piece of automotive en- 
ginecring on American roads today. 

Back to Lean, gazing intently across 
his wide desk just down the hall from 
the president of Toyota. “Were not 
layered 14 deep her leas bubble to the 
surface quickly. ГЇ give you an example. 
When I was with Ford, it took me a 
whole year to push through a proposal 
for a mobile service training van to go 
around to the dcalerships so wc could 
bring the mechanics up to date on the 
latest equipment without taking them 
into headquarters. The thing had to be 
signed off by a dozen people. It was a 
"blue letter, which meant it had to go 
up to a certain level of management. 

“When I came to Toyota, I decided 
we ought to do the same thing—take a 
mobile service van out to the dealerships. 
It took me 15 minutes to get it through, 
I remember saying to myself, Boy, you 
made the right decision coming here. 

If I appear to be picking mightily on 
Detroit, it is because this boy whips so 
well. Where better than the commanding 
heights of the American economy—when 
Detroit sneezes, the rest of us get double 
pneumonia—to examine our mistakes, 
writ so large as they are there, like the 
fins on a 1957 Eldorado? Detroit always 
did think big (its fatal error), so now it’s 
paying big. 

Detroit. We use the metaphor so loose- 
ly for everything the car industry is in 
this country—like calling foreign policy 
Foggy Bottom or the American capital- 
istic system Wall Street. Bur Detroit. the 
place—it is a city—may be a greater part 
of the problem than we think. Listen for 
а moment to Glade: 

"I wanted small cars ten years ago,” 
he remembers, “but it was against the 
Detroit way—so they just threw out the 
clay. [Prototypes begin as day models. 
“The Detroit way was to do market 
search on a product, and if it did not 
come out with overwhelming mass ap- 
peal—I mean giant numbers—they just 
said no. They would say, ‘Why build this 
little car when most people still want 
big ones? It costs us just as much to make 
a Falcon as a full-sized Ford, so why 
build the Falcon? 

"There was also an entire mentality 
that went all through Detroit that they 
had to build tanks. And that small cars 
had to be cheap cars, not just inexpen- 
sive cars. When I lived in Detroit". 
today Gladen and the other automobile 
importers quoted here live around Los 
Angeles—"you were embarrassed to park 
a small U. S. car in your driveway. It was 
cheap! But you could put an import like 
a VW Beetle out there and people 
thought of quality, even though the 
thing cost only $1699 then. 

"Today that same Detroit company— 
I won't say which one—is building that 


same small car I suggested and it rejected 
ten years ago. 

The very notion of an entire industry 
of such overriding national importance 
being centered in or near one city may 
have a lot to do with our present prob- 
lems (Germany's automobile industry is 
spread from Wolfsburg in the barren 
northern heaths to forested Stuttgart in 
the south and back up to the smoky in- 
dustrial western valleys of the Rhine 
and the Main; Japan's stretches over the 
500-mile megalopolitan Pacific Belt). 
There is an inevitable force of like- 
mindedness, a tendency to inbreed when 
the plutocrats of a single industry all 
live in the same suburbs, send their 


kids to the same private schools, belong 
to the same luncheon and country clubs, 
read the same daily newspapers and 


magazines. It is especially so if this isn't 
exactly your most cosmopolitan town. 
You don't see a lot of Japanese or hear 
a lot of Briush accents in Detroit. 

The problem is exacerbated by De- 
troit's location so far from both coasts, 
where most American taste trends start. 
It is insidious that our car makers all 
'eside in the one state in the Union with 
the lowest number of forcign cars in the 
nation. Only 11 percent of the new cars 
registered in 1979 in Michigan were im- 
ports; in California, the figure was 42 
percent; in Washington, D.C., it was 27 
percent. It does something to a man's 
perception of where the world is headed 
when he hits the freeway every morning 
and oozes into the city flanked only by 
Cutlasses and Camaros. Plagued by the 
twin American flaws of cultural insular- 
ity and chronic inattention to detail, he 
lives in a we're-number-one mind-set that 
allows him to dismiss glowing reports of 
more efficient VWs, safer Volvos and 
sweet-driving Hondas as preoccupations 
of the Eastern elite. It is frightening to 
think that Gladen's driveway mentality— 
a small car was a cheap embarrassment— 
permeated the board room at Ford, G.M. 
and Chrysler. But it obviously did. 

And if your basic mid-level Detroit 
executive was a prisoner of Samethin! 
what about the Henry Fords and the Lee 
lacoccas? There is a story that pops up 
in the modest corridors around Long 
Beach that when the time came for go 
or no-go on Ford's ill-fated Pinto, Henry 
Ford gave the prototype three spins 
around the test track, said "Со," climbed 
back into his chauffeured limo and re- 
turned to the executive suite. Toyota, by 
contrast, insists that all 75 executives 
provided with company cars switch ve- 
hicles'every 6000 miles so as to stay inti- 
mately familiar with the entire product 
line. The week I met Lcan, who reports 
directly to the president of Toyota, 
U.S.A. he was the keeper of a new 

(continued on page 190) 


2 >SYCHIATRY n 


А |@ 2- S21) 


А2 


ы 


c4 ЖҰ 


“I meant for you to rediscover the sexuality of your body 
at home, Mr. Schmit—in the privacy of your own home. ...” 


DAVID BAILEYS 
MODEL WIFE 


an eccentric and brilliant 
english fashion photographer invites 
you to meet the missus 


DAVID BAILEY is a photographer whose personal life has 
become as famous as his pictures. His association with 
Catherine Deneuve (whom he married), Penelope "Tree 
and Jean Shrimpton guaranteed that. Since his first as- 
signment for British Vogue in 1959 (when he was 21 
years old), he has demonstrated an idiosyncratic sense of 
fashion photography that placed beautiful women and 
designer clothes bizarre situations. It was the perfect 
conceit for the Sixties. elangelo Antonioni's film 
Blow-Up was based loosely on Bailey's style and career. 
You remember, a photographer crawling around on 
seamless background paper with a couple of lissome 
would-be models? Well, times have changed. That’s not 
to say that Bailey has relinquished his considerable 
stature as one of Europe's most gifted photographers. 
— NB It's just that now he seems to be concentrating on 


pictures of his wife, model Marie Helvin. (They are shown together at left.) So much so that he 
decided—with some encouragement from us—to create a portfolio, being published by Rizzoli— 
simultaneously published in England by Thames and Hudson as David Bailey's Trouble and Strife. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY DAVID BAILEY 


91 


92 


It takes caurage—and a sense of humor of a high order—to do а nude photographic study of your wife with a towel wrapped around her 
face or with something stuck in her mouth. It takes a subtle eye to capture the classy eroticism of a woman in anticipation, waiting by an 
open door without the benefit of underpants, or to pose her in soft focus as an odalisque who looks strikingly and surprisingly beatific. 


Bailey’s style is vigorously heterosexuol. He is a mon whose photographic oppreciation of women is profoundly mosculine. The photographs 
оп this page, for example, are sexy, sure; but they are sexy in cn intelligent ond doring way. He creates lasting images, graphic events, of 
the women he lives with, and these pictures, as Boiley himself describes them, are “a ronsom against time." They acquire the permanence of ort. 


а 


\ 
LIFE INSIDE THE CARTER STATE DEPARTMENT 


how many bureaucrats does it take to screw up a foreign policy? 
les see—there was jimmy, cy, іе, E Neuss 
| 


ABOUT THREE weeks into Jimmy Carter's first year in office, I ran into UN Ambassador Andrew 
Young as he I were walking through the glass entry doors of the State Department one evening. 
в, Andy?" I asked Young, whose snpport for candidate Carter had been one of the 


building ем u$ up. "There are more of them than there arc of us." 
We laughéd and walked out into the night. We should have cried. 
е 


PLAYBOY 


98 


wrestle with the complex problems that 
faced America at home and abroad. 

‘The new foreign-policy team, staffed 
with some younger “Democrats in W: 
ing” long eager to disprove Henry Kis- 
iger's dark vision of world affairs and 
led by several men of considerable ex- 
perience in Washington, had an agenda 
ready for immediate action. They hit 
the ground running and zipped several 
times around the policy wack in the time 
it usually takes for one circuit. Carter 
tiatives abroad came in rapid succes- 
sion: nuclear nonproliferation, human 
rights, conventional arms control, com- 
prehensive Middle East talks, southern 
African negotiations, NATO revitaliza- 
tion, normalization of relations with 
Peking, deep cuts in the strategic arms 
of both the Soviet Union and the United 
States, South Korean troop withdrawal. 
Before three months had passed, observers 
could count more than a dozen fresh starts 
coming out of the State Department and 
the White House. 

Yet, at the end of four years, the im- 
pression was widespread that American 
foreign policy was in total disarray. 
Once again the cry that “the Russians 
are coming" squalled across the land. 
“Inept” was one of the kinder adjectives 
applied to the President. The fact is that 
most of the problems lad more to do 
with lousy execution than with bad ini- 
ial policy: 

+ The President neither gutted his 
enemies nor won them over. 

* His apparent lack of loyalty down, 
to all but the tiny handful of Gcorgians, 
was reciprocated and in some cases ex- 
ceeded by the lack of loyalty up from 
many of his political appointecs as well 
as the permanent bureaucracy. And too 
few paid any price for their lack of com- 
mitment to his policies. 

* He treated consistency and coherent 
management with a disdain they didn’t 
deserve and the people couldn't under- 
stand. 

* The “collegiality” of chief advisors 
that he encouraged translated in practice 
into a Tower of Babel. The result was 
that the average American, as well as 
foreign ally and foe, was hopelessly con- 
fused about America's intentions and ap- 
prehensive about America’s will. 

And what were our intentions? There 
were three main strands to the new 
team's vision. The first was that most of 
the world’s problems have their own 
ionalism, poverty, re- 


ism, the desire to settle old scores cannot 
be adequately understood, explained or 
countered by a demonology built on "the 
Communist conspiracy." 
ts merely capitalize оп those 
tensions, exacerbate and exploit them and 


try to capture the movements they en- 
gender. Previous Administrations, we be- 
lieved, had seen the red hand of Moscow 
or the visage of Fidel Castro behind every 
revolutionary movement. (Henry Kissin- 
ger, in another era, would have advised 
George Ш that the French were responsi- 
ble for the American Revolution.) 

President Carter's foreign-policy ad- 
visors, therefore, believed that the United 
States had allowed itself to become re- 
active rather than creative, conservative 
rather than risk taking, wedded to the 
status quo rather than committed to 
justice. The President and his people— 
most notably, Secretary of State Cyrus 
Vance—knew that the desire for inde- 
pendence was not a Communist plot but 
а natu instinct of man; the forces 
working for change in and among na- 
tions were not made in Moscow nearly 
as often as they were created іп Zim- 
babwe or Nicaragua or wherever the 
dispossessed and the repressed demanded 
a better life. If our nation—whose rev- 
olution preceded all the other great ones 
that transformed. the modern world— 
were to continue to be a world leader, it 
would have to rediscover its own basic 
principles and apply them to foreign 
policy. 

That led inevitably to the second 
strand of the new Administration's for- 
cign policy. which was support for global 
human rights. This meant reaffirming 
that we stood for human dignity as well 
as against Soviet tyranny. God knows 
that the idea of human rights as an in- 
tegral part of foreign policy had few 
advocates in high places in Washington, 
then or now. For Kissingerites, it was— 
is—a naive intrusion by the untutored 
upon the high designs of the practical 
world of Realpolitik. For other Foreign 
Service professionals, an obstacle to 
their usual way of doing business with 
host governments. Nor has there been 
excessive warmth about the policy in 
many other of the world's capitals. Too 
many governments depend on torture 
and martial law and arbitrary arrest and 
punishment to retain control of their 
populace. Not too strangely, however, 
the people of those countries understand 
why the policy is important. 

The third main strand of the Carter 
foreign policy was the management of 
the U. S-Soviet relationship. The Pres- 
ident and Vance strongly believed that 
it was imperative to continue to build 
on the process of lim 
ошу in both arsenals. А new Strategic 
Arms Limitation Treaty was the cen- 
terpiece, as, indeed, it had been [or 
preceding Administrations, and became 
(with the Middle East peace process) 


ng strategic weap 


the chief diplomatic obsession of the new 
Administrati 


ion. 
. 

But we knew it was going to be a 
fight. That we had enemies was obvious 
to everyone. The President had whipped 
both the old liberal lelt, represented by 
Morris Udall, and the Cold Warriors, 
represented by Henry Jackson, during 
the 1976 primarics, and he had done it 
with a minimum of grace in victory. He 
had then taken on the Republicans, Kis- 
singer no less than President Ford, with 
promises to bring morality back into 
foreign policy (in implicit contrast to a 
presumed Nixon-Ford- nger immor- 
ality), and had won. 

He came to Washington with a coterie 
that announced itself both unawed by 
and contemptuous of that town's most 
treasured conceit, which is that its per- 
manent population of press lobbyists 
and former notables is the corporate re- 
pository of the country's wisdom and 
ion. And he, through his chief lieuten- 
ants and through his own actions, all 
but stated publicly that he neither need- 
ed nor valued the views of Congress. 

Too many who might have helped 
were shunned, the coldness of the deep 
freeze often sceming to be in direct pro- 
portion to years spent in Washington. 
Too few were brought in close. None 
was ever allowed as close as Hamilton 
Jordan, Carter's political strategist, or 
Jody Powell, his press secretary. Both 
were men of real ability. Both were 
stretched too thin to fill too many roles. 
Both suffered initially from knowing too 
little about the new arena and from not 
bothering to tolerate fools, real or imag- 
ined, gladly. 

One remark attributed to Jordan says 
it all. He was asked, according to the 
story, how to pronounce his last name, 
which his family pronounces Jerdan and 
which most Northerners mispronounce. 
"You can call me Johrdan,” he was 
quoted as saying. “My friends call me 
Jerdan.” 

Nor did the Carter troops bother to 
disguise the disdain with which they 
iewed the social life of Embassy Row 
and Georgetown, so dear to old-line 
Washingtonians, many of whom profess 
to believe that the real business of the 
capital is conducted between the hors 
d'oeuvres and the brandy. Jordan's well- 
publicized bouts with notoriety, whether 
as free spirit drinking it up with his 
campaign cronies or as a slightly more 
blithe spirit allegedly expounding upon 
diplomatic bosoms or expectorating 
Amaretto and cream, produced more 
publicity than they warranted precisely 
because he steered so clear of that pro- 
tective cocoon in which Washington 
(continued on page 161) 


attire By DAVID PLATT 


IN PARADISE 


L MAY ве the cruelest month, but Feb. 

is invariably the dreariest. Freshly 

Шеп snow has become ugly slush and there's 

nary a hint of spring in sight. The best way 

to cure c of the midwinter blahs is to 
get out of town to someplace wet and 
an escape artist’s collection of 

oing clothes that aren't going to break your 

bank balance. Travel light is still the first 


Left: Having headed south for the winter, 
‘These two sun seckersere definitely heed 
С чыйпо. Бе. call to arms—and no wonder, with 
him.weoring a handsome lamb's wocl/An- 
gera crew-neck with rib-knit trim, about $40, 
plus a poir of wet ond wild cotton slacks 
with belt loops, large cargo: pockets ond 
straight legs, $38, both by Ron Chereskin. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD FEGLEY = 
ыы” er 


rule to observe when making your fast getaway. Your vacation 
wardrobe should give you a lift—not turn you into a beast of 
burden. Naturally. that means packing wearables that are versatile. 
A tweedy, neutral sports ў 
dressed up with a shirt and tie for snazzier occasions. It’s also а 
good idea to take along several cotton sweaters for chilly evenings 
and as beach cover-ups. White slacks are a tropical classic; they 
look great with practically every even when they're rolled 
up for an evening wade along the waters edge. But don't neglect 
to include a few other pastel tones; slacks take up relatively little 
room 


ket can be worn informally—or 


tcase and a variety of shades increases your wardrobe 
versatility immensely. 

Shorts of all descriptions from Bermuda length to squarelegged 
short shorts are enjoying a major revival. (АП that jogging has 
gotten men into a mood to show off their legs) И you don't own 


Opposite page: This funky blouson cotton/polyester jocket featuring а 
fly-front closure, elasticized waist, side-entry pockets ond adjusteble snap 
cuffs, $55, is just the right caver-up for a day of tropical fun and games. 
Under it, our guy wears a cotton/polyester knit short-sleeved pullover 
with knit trim, $20, and white cotton/polyester slacks with straight legs, 
about $30, all by New York Sportswear Exchange. Above: For beach- 
combing or exploring a jungle stream, pack plenty of sharts, including 
this pair af khaki pleated ones with self-belt, on-seam pockets ond cuffs, 
about $25, that are worn with a cotton knit crew-neck, abaut $37.50, 
and a matching cotton knit short-sleeved pullover shirt with a two-button 
placket, about $22.50, all by Garret Spart. Right: The pause that 
refreshes—and the clothes that complement it: a rayon roller-skating-print 
short-sleeved shirt with c notch collar, $37.50, worn over easy-to-care- 
for cottan/polyester slacks with an elasticized waist, cargo pockets and 
straight legs that can be ralled up, $30, both by Gianfranco Ruffini. 


101 


102 


any shorts, the classic pleated khaki model is a good place to start. 
Then add a few pastel variations that extend to whatever length 
looks best on you. As for shirts, the one type you can't have enough 
of is the classic knit pullover golf shirt that's available in just about 
every color from puce to cerise. Golf shirts take up little room and 
are easily cared for; stuff a plentiful supply into corners of your 
е. Your footwear should be kept to a minimum. Lightweight 


suit 
styles, such as neutral fabric shoes, soft slip-ons and white sneakers 
for tennis or beadicombing. Add several pairs of swim trunks, 
some colorful sport socks and you've got a getaway wardrobe that 
should fit into a single bag. What's more, you'll have a leg up on 
your own fashion needs for the coming spring and summer. The 
trends all point to a more colorful, relaxed fashion season ahead 
nd it should be a welcome relief from the unima ive period 
we've just been through. Bon voyage. 


ina 


Left: To market, to market, to check out the native wares—and chances 
are our man in paradise is being checked out, too, in his cotton shaker- 
knit crewneck with cable-stitch design and rib trim, about $70, worn over 
a cotton striped shirt, about $25, and brushed-cottan five-pocket Western 
jeans, about $38, all by Jean-Paul Germain. Above: Who's a tropical 
haliday 
rum? And the same can be said for toting along at least one pair af 
cotton pleated walking shorts, $40, that nicely complement а cotton 
shaker-knit crew-neck pullover with rib trim, $85, and а cotton short- 
sleeved pullover with two-button placket, $24, all by Mary Lynn Novak 
for Turnbury. Opposite page: Casual duds may be the arder of the day, 
but as the sun gaes down and jackets begin to appear, you'll also want 
your traveling wardrobe to include at least one—perhaps а wool/ 
polyester/silk tweed model, about $145, worn over a cotton knit pullover, 
about $22.50, and chino slacks, about $40, all by Evan Picane for Men. 


out at least one coconut concaction liberally spiked with 


when you're commissioned 
to steal a statue, you'd better 
beware of the pigeons 


a Dortmunder mystery By DONALD E. WESTLAKE 


“ART THEFT, OF COURSE," said the elegant man, “has been overdone. By 
now it’s thoroughly boring.” ч 

Dortmunder didn't say anything. His business was theft, of art ог what- 
ever else had value, and he'd never supposed it was meant to be exciting. 
Nor, while tiptoeing around darkened halls in guarded buildings with his 
pockets full of stolen goods, had he ever found boredom much of a problem. 

The elegant man sighed. “What do people of your sort drink?" he asked. 

"Bourbon," Dortmunder said. "Water. Coca-Cola. Orange juice. Beer." 

“Bourbon,” the elegant man told one of the two pluguglies who'd 
brought Dortmugder here. “And sherry for me." 

“Coffee,” Dortmunder went on. "Sometimes Gallo Burgundy. -Vodka. 
Seven-Up. Milk." 

“How do you prefer your bourbon?” the elegant man asked. 

“With ice and water. People of my sort also (continued on page 184) 


ASK 
A SILLY 
QUESTION 


W 


LOAE STAR LADY 


texas couldn't have a more perfect 
representative than vicki lynn lasseter; 
she's big, beautiful and very much her own person 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 


woman who isn’t a slave to fashion. 
ll the things that make a 
woman attractive over the long run 
are those invisible qualities that come 
from the heart, So permit us to intro- 
duce Vicki Lasseter, а proud non- 
conformist from decp in the heart of 
Texas. Haltom City, to be precise 
(population 28,000), just five miles 
northeast of Fort Worth and 50 
miles from Dallas. Vicki never liked 
disco and she's less than enthusiastic 
about the trendy Western look. “I 
never owned a pair of cowboy boots 
or a cowboy hat,” she says, “until 
Conuibuting Photographer Arny 
Freytag gave me some to wear for the 
pictorial. I guess I look nice in them, 
but I probably won't wear them a 
lot. I can't speak for all Texans, but 
the ones I know think the cowboy 


|: ALwAYS refreshing to meet a 


107 


‘look’—particularly when it consists of rhinestone 
suits and $1000 belt buckles—is silly. Real cow- 
boys are hard, rough, dirty guys who work in 
their out! and they don't wear rhinestones.” 
One of 8 older brothers tried rodeo bull 
riding for a while, but Vicki isn't much of a 
rodeo fan. (“I hate the thought of secing people 
get injured.”) She doesn't much cotton to coun- 
try-and-western music, either. "Its so laid back, 
almost puts me to sleep. I listen to it on the 
ra when I'm in traffic jams, because it tran- 
quilizes me, but ordinarily I'm into rock "n' roll.” 
Most of her boyfriends, as it happens, have been 
rock musicians, and she confesses to having a 
penchant for bass (text continued on page 113) 


“I like my lovers to be gentlemen. I prefer a 
man who's not 100 aggressive, too pushy. On 
the other hand, don’t like him to be totally 
passive, either. Mainly, I want him to be open, 
so that we can both move to the same point 
and take our time getting there. Mostly, I like 
a lot of tenderness and understanding. I like 
the emotional part of a relationship best. 

1 think most women are like that.” 


“I'm more comfortable 
when Im just natural. I 
don't like to wear much 
make-up. That way, whoever 
looks at me sees the real 

me, good or bad. I'd 

rather you see me the way 

I really am and not 

like me than to like me 

for something I’m not.” 


guitarists. Vicki has lived in Haltom City all her 21 years (her birth- 
day's this month). She attended Haltom High School and for the 
past two years has been a full-time student at the local Tarrant 
County Junior College. A solid B student, she plans to continue her 
education at the University of Texas in Austin as a psychology ma- 
jor. Her interest in psychology began after her father died when she 
was 17. "Before that, 1 was pretty wild. I hung around with some 
really rotten kids, a real bad crowd," she says, "but when Dad died, 
it jolted me out of the kind of life I was headed into. 1 sud- 
denly wanted to learn more about (text concluded on page 207) 


r 


“The pictures above 
were taken on my 
junior college cam- 
pus. The one at 
right isn’t modern 
dance: Pm just los- 
in, balance. 
The photo below 
was taken on the 
log ride at Six Flags 
Over Texas amuse- 
ment park. My 
shirt, this shirt 
PLAYBOY gave me, 
got wet and im- 
mediately turned 
transparent. A little 
girl came up and 
said, ‘Lady, I can 
see right through 
your shirt!” and I 
was so embarrassed. 
After all, Six Flags 
isa family place." 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


rare: Mi 

sust So warst: 23 шь: 34 M 
HEIGHT: 8" wercur:/20 sion: Pisces (ME 

BIRTH DATE: 2/14/60. sirra: Lola, Kansas 0 000 


TURN-OFFS: 
N i 

FAVORITE Books: Ll\osions Oy Richard Bach The Shit _ 

FAVORITE TE MOVIES: Nd, 1 

One 33 Ove 2 oa: t Bi Y ам Ошо 


FAVORITE MUSICIANS: 


ЛАА ш к Tos ducis. the 
Beatles, Pink Floyd, Wes, mp ul ir se 
FAVORITE TV SHOWS: : 60 Minotes, The Tovist Show, Soap, _ 
p ee u 


Y y all Da 


FAVORITE SPORTS: 


FAVORITE HOBBIES: 


У Months old and 20 Months old wit, 
Cote as а boden. My First agent. 


Аде lo дег oot to 
conquer "the world. 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


lx was during foreplay in the motel room that 
the girl asked, “Whatever are those many tiny 
marks that look as if they've been tattooed 
on your organ?” 

“Notches,” said her date. 


You're а true man of the world, Mr. Farns- 
worth,” announced the physician, 
“Whatever does that mean, doctor?” in- 
juired the patient. 
“The lab-test results indicate that you've 
built up an immunity to penicillin." 


Q o 


Since our son Raoul is beginning to become a 
man," the French housewife said to her hus- 
band, "it is fitting, it seems to me, that you 
tell him about . . . well, you know - . . about 
the birds and the bees.” 

"Raoul," the man said to the boy that eve- 
ning, "you remember, do you not, that special 
instructional session that I arranged for you 
with my very good friend Mam'selle Yvette?” 

"Oh, but yes, Papal” 

“It is time that you knew, then, that the 
birds and the bees do the same thing." 


Young Raymond was careless, they say, 
In planning his rolls in the hay; 
For his last bedded doll 
Was a Mob capo's moll— 
The result was . . . some holes in the Ray! 


Nanook,” whispered the igloosettlement gos- 
sip, ma what? I've just seen your ex-wife 
smooching with Uglut!" 
"So what, already?” responded Nanook in 
blasé fashion. “That's no skin off my nose.” 


We suppose that a famous ballerina's prot£ge- 
lover could be said to be under her tutulage. 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines rodeo 
floozy as a saddle tramp. 


These old-fashioned formal portraits of mar- 
ried couples are so odd,” commented the 
guest leafing through the family album, "what 
with the husband seated and the wife standing 
with her hand on his shoulder." 

"The picture youre looking at is one of 
Grandpa and Grandma taken right after their 
honeymoon," elucidated the host. "He was 
probably too tired to stand up, and she must 
have been too sore to sit down." 


l had the most fabulous sexual experience 
when I was in the Austrian Alps!" the bachelor- 
girl winter vacationer gushed to her best friend 
upon her return. “A young ski instructor 
named Max-Karl explored my quivering naked 
body with gentle hands, hummed me exquis- 
itely in front of an open fire . . . and then 
went on to yodel mel” 


Heading our current list of fanciful marital 
aids is an alum-based douche called Shrunken 
"Treasure. 


In Oz land, the Tin Woodman's mate 
Sighed sadly, “It sure would be great 

If you made it a point 

To put oil on your joint, 
Since your screws have been rusty of late.” 


Resorting to a desperate measure in an at- 
tempt to break down his date's resistance, the 
horny and oafish guy unzipped and pulled 
out his penis. "I wanna get in your groove 
with this, baby!" he panted. 

"Come to think of it," responded the girl 
coolly, "it does happen to be just about the 
size of a phonograph needle.” 


20 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines cheapo 
Sex masseuse as a quarter pounder. 


ip down South, I got to screw a 
ig room while her family was 
sleeping right upstairs!” the young man re- 
ported triumphantly to a buddy. “She had 
some sort of funny fixation on exotic fruits, 
though.” 

“Exotic fruits? Your banana's not an exotic 
fruit. man,’ inned his listener. 

"No, no—it wasn't anything like that. Part 
way through the bang, she began to mutter, 
‘Kumquat . . . kumquat . . . kumquat.' ” 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on а post- 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY, 
Playboy Bldg, 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, 
11. 60611. 850 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


“There's a guy out here claiming we discriminate against 
men on the Party Jokes page." 


ng 


article By DANNY GOODMAN 


FIVE YEARS AGO, no onc dreamed that people of all ages would 
spend more than one billion dollars a ycar on gadgets that 
simply beep, buzz, flash and keep score. The electronic-games 
industry suddenly blossomed in 1978 with the instant success of 
the few products then available. SOLD OUT signs adorned empty 
store shelves from coast to coast. Ever since, tbe increasing 
and for more sophisticated games has been driving com- 
les to create products employing the very limits of afford- 
le state-of-the-art electronics. (text continued on page 164) 


The saucer-shaped identified fiying object below left is the 
electronic pool game Bank Shot, which rporates stroight 

pool and poison pool, plus trick shots, into one hand-held unit, 
by Parker Brothers, $50. Below it, our pinball-playing spoceman 
is trying his hand at the electronic pinball game Xenon, 

which features a female electronic voice that talks when you 
turn the game on, and a wild and crozy programmed infinity 
lighting effect on the back glass, by Bally, $2400. Directly be- 
low, yau see the Master Camponent unit for Mattel's $300 home- 
video-game package Intellivision, which takes a variety of 
cartridges, including baseball, football and basketball, $30 each. 


Ө 


THE SKY 
TLIC ! IMITI 
INC Cni! 


fasten your intergalactic 
antigravity belts, gang; here's a 
stellar roundup of the latest in whiz- 
bang electronic home games to toy with 


That bolt of lightning you see at near left has just zapped one 
of the cleverest hand-held games on the market, Split Second, 
which tests the reflexes of one or more ployers in five games— 
Mad Maze, Autocross, Speedboll, Space Attack and Stomp, by 
Parker Brothers, $47. Flying just belaw is the perfect pastime 
for oirline travel—Mattal's Computer Gin, which pits you against 
the computer in two types of action, Go Draw and 33, $70. 

| At the bottom of the page is Super Simon, a grown-up version 
A of the simpler Simon game shown on the next page. Super 

A _ Simon is supertough; just when you think you've won, the game 
socks you with a blast of light, by Milton Bradley, $33. 


Directly below is Chess Champion Super System Ill, a sophis- " PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD IZUt 
ticated game that’s programmed for all International Chi KLUSTRATION BY 8 & A GRAPHICS 
rules—and И can even play itself while you watch and learn, by 5 

Tryon, about $750. Next to Pocket Simon, the now-famous 
do-as-I-do game that gives you the Bronx cheer when you slip up, 
by Milton Bradley, $15. The four-pillared game, at bottom left, 
Strobe and, as you may have guessed, it challenges up to four 
players to test thi lexes against the speeds of light and 
sound, by Lakeside Games, $50. Next ta it is Flag Man, 
a pocket game that challenges you to match the flagman's , 
random numerical sequence, by Mega Corporation, $40. | 


Below, clockwise from 12: The Atori 800 Computer System hooks up to your TV for a 
variety of onscreen electronic fun ond games, os well as for personol finonce and record- 
keeping uses, $1080. Or attach it to the satellite 410 Program Recorder shown, also by 
Atari, and store your records for future reference, $89.95. Milton, a funky phrase machine, 
challenges you to complete a partial phrase, by Milton Bradley, $80. The spacy twosome 
at bottom have turned their energies to Galaxian, а space-wars home gome in which 
one or two players defend the earth against extraterrestrial invaders accompanied by 
$2995. Next to it is Boris Handroid, а chess gome in which 
the machine physically moves its pieces—and shakes hands with you at gome's end, 
by Applied Concepts, $1500. Last up is Miracle Baseball, which ollows players to steal 
bases, hit sacrifice flies and perform other grandstand plays, by Bandai Electronics, $49.95. * 


he's made a career 
of playing strange 
character roles, but 
the strangest of all may be 
the one he plays offscreen 


DEEP IN WITH 
DAVID CARRADINE 


T WAS THE ONLY CAR I saw on the MGM lot in Culver City that 

could stop a conversation just by cruising by. When he bought it, 

he had the engine rebuilt, but he wasn't satisfied with the way it 

ran, so he had it rebuilt again. He also had the body redone and 
now it looked as if it had just rolled off the showroom floor. It was a 
fire-engine-yellow 1967 Ferrari 330GTS with a Pinin Farina body, and 
with the top down, it looked like a special effect from The Empire 
Strikes Back, skimming effortlessly across your field of vision, a compact, 
featherweight sculpture of kinetic energy. 

I slid into the passenger seat and he started the engine. The 12 
cylinders fluttered softly beneath the mirror-polished hood like a caged 
flock of doves. I was reminded, as I sank into the seat, of the airplane I 
fly. I've always been impressed by its front seats. They are made for 
someone who, the entire time he sits there, has his life literally in his 
hands. In addition, the Ferrari could go a good bit faster than that 
airplane. The only problem would be finding the open ground. 

A lot of people had told me that David Carradine lived on the edge, 
but that turned out not to be the case. Living on the edge is just a 
cliché. My dentist lives on the edge. Carradine has another way of 
describing it: “Deep in.” It has to do with commitment. For example, 
when a battalion leader shouts "Charge!" he is deep in—or at least he'd 
better be. It’s so simple it evades most people. And when Carradine 
took off out of Culver City, 1 knew we were deep in already, as Mar 
Vista whipped past and then Santa Monica and we entered onto the 
Pacific Coast Highway, weaving across the lanes like a slalom racer, by 
which time I had discovered that the car had no seat belts. 

“I don't like 'em," was all Carradine gave by way of explanation in 
a style that could only be called mellifluous mania or pissed-off con- 
tentment or mellow fury or some other such oxymoron. 

The only advantage to Carradine's driving style was knowing that it 
would be over quickly—we'd either arrive or we wouldn't in the snap 
of a finger. And so, without warning or ceremony, we found ourselves 
getting out at the house in Malibu where his wife, Linda, lived with 


personality By LAURENCE GONZALES 


ILLUSTRATION BY ERALDO CARUGATI 


PLAYBOY 


126 


their baby daughter, Kansas, and where 
we were going to stay until things got 
old or ugly. 

‘The house was conceptualranch и 
level and was as cluttered as if they'd 
moved in that aíternoon and couldn't 
quite figure a strategy for unpacking. 
The front entrance was partially blocked 
by six-foot-high stacks of movie film in 
«ans and boxes—a picture Carradine 
had once made called You and I. Strewn 
around several rooms, there must have 
been 15 or 20 serious guitars—Mossman 
12-strings and mellow old Gibsons, fat 
antique Martins—just piled around as 
if they were so much kindling. In the 
front room was a display of stills from 
is latest movie, The Long Riders (of 
him and brothers Keith and Robert, 
posing: of him escaping, wounded, with 
Robert on the back of his horse; of him 
getting shot to pieces while riding full 
tilt). 

If you arc at all linear, or if you hap- 
pen to be a control freak, hanging out 
with David Carradine can really make a 
mess out of you. Take something as sim- 
ple as how many Carradine brothers 
there are. John Carradine, the famous 
character actor, is the father. In a bio- 
graphical television special about the 
Carradine family, I heard him refer to 
“the four boys." The narrator also 
seemed to be laboring under the delu- 
sion that there were only four Carradine 
brothers—David, Keith (whose song in 
Nashville won an Academy Award and 
who played the lead in Pretty Baby), 
Robert (who has played numerous fine sec- 
ondary roles in big motion pictures, such 
as Coming Home, in which he was the 
guitar-playing kid who killed himself, 
and who played a brilliant leading role 
in The Big Red One) and Christopher, a 
very talented and successful architect. 
Nevertheless, during a party I went to 
with David, Kcith and Christopher, I met 
Michael, allegedly another Carradine 
brother. And I saw a movie David made 
that featured yet another Carradine broth- 
er I'd never heard of. I asked David how 
many Carradine brothers there were and 
he said eight. I mentioned this to Linda 
and she said, "Oh, really? I thought 
there were only seven." If you happen 
onto an undisputed fact about David 
Carradine in your creep through his life, 
you hang on real tight. 

Reading David Carradine can be like 
reading the floor of the ocean. He owns 
the house in Malibu but apparently 
docsn't live there—or lives there only 
part of the time. He has another housc 
in Laurel Canyon that is made of wood 
and glass. It must have 200 tiny win- 
dows, Even the roof is made of windows. 
And they all open ("You have to be 
something of a monkey to do it,” he 
said). He has six horses and nine exotic 
automobiles. He had ten, but he sold one 


recently—an OS. the 
i brothers. 

Sitting in the living room in Malibu, 
drinking Bordeaux, I got my first clear 
look at Carradine in the subtle light of 
that sprawling house. He's 43, but he 
could just as easily be а lot older. He 
has wide, flat fingernails tipped by crc: 
cents of black, as if he'd spent the alter- 
noon working on his car rather than on 
his next movie. He smokes cigarettes 
with a kind of delicate, implacable 
abandon, occasionally switching to a 
pipe of ancient briar for a hit of grass. 
His fine, straight hair is the color of a 
stone at the bottom of a stream; it ap- 
pears never to have suffered the indig- 
nity of a comb or a brush. 

He does not wear shoes. I spent a 
week with him and virtually the only 
time I saw him in shoes was at a ward- 
robe fitting. You don't notice something. 
like that right off, but it has an odd 
effect. It colors his aura, is somehow 
central to what he is. His first real fame 
came with the television series Kung Fu, 
in which he played a half-Chinese im- 
migrant Shaolin priest named Kwai 
Chang Caine. Caine was a master of 
kung fu, a martial art. In that role, 
Carradine said almost nothing, except 
to spout an occasional mishmash of 
pseudo Zen aphorisms. His main activity 
was to walk into some unknown West- 
crn town whcre trouble was brewing 
and, while auempting to maintain a 
professional distance from it, become so 
involved in the very trouble he was try- 
ing to avoid that he would end up non- 
violendy kicking the shit out of a 
handful of big, heavily armed cowboys. 
He would do that, of course, without 
the aid of weapons. In a culture in 
which everyone is brought up to believe 
that the fastest gun in any town is 
the ultimate power, it was remarkable to 
эсе someone so fast that he could literally 
take the gun away before the man had 
a chance to pull the trigger. And in the 
winding-down days of the Vietnam war, 
it was frankly unbelievable to see some- 
one with the unmitigated hair to pro- 
gram an alleged Oriental into that role, 
but there it was. Barelooted, rumpled 
and unsmiling, Caine would shoulder 
his small cloth sack of possessions and 
walk (not ride) off into the sunset. 

And now, with him in Malibu, I could 
see that perhaps that role had turned 
Carradine into a kind of second cousin 
to Caine. The clothes he wore were awe- 
some in their decrepitude—beyond pity, 
really. During my week with him, а 
both of his houses, I saw no clothing 
that appeared to belong to him and the 
only change of clothes I saw him make 
was in that wardrobe fitting, during 
which he seemed about as comfortable 
asa cat doing the breast stroke. 

His jeans were too large and too old, 


CA, built by 


the pockets stuffed and bulging, as if he 
carried his every possession right on his 
person, as if hed been on the run for 
some time now and we just happened to 
light for the evening in this fabulously 
wealthy California neighborhood, like 
two outlaws sleeping in a barn before 
stealing our next pair of horses. I had 
the sense that he felt that way, too, as if 
the Bordeaux we were drinking belonged 
to someone else, who was going to be a 
trifle upset when he discovered it gone. 

We talked about Kung Fu a bit—I 
felt obliged to—and I mentioned that in 
the early Seventies, when the series had 
begun, I had been staying at Ken Kesey's 
house. It turned out that the only tele- 
vision show the сх-Мету Pranksters 
watched while I was with them (other 
than N.B.A. finals) was Kung Fu. Carra- 
dine nodded. "Caine," he said, "was 
made of, by and for those people—the 
Pranksters. It was what they were all 
about.” 

Since Kung Fu, Carradine has been 
in a dozen or so movies, including 
Bound for Glory, about the life of 
Woody Guthrie: The Serpent's Egg. di- 
rected by Ingmar Bergman; and The 
Long Riders, a brilliant film about the 
James-Younger gang in which Carra- 
dine plays Cole Younger and, along with 
Pamela Reed, walks away with the 
picture. 

Carradine was born 
Hollywood (or near enough to it) and 
he appears obsessed with it, constantly 
defining himself in terms of his differ- 
ences from it, eternally taking his own 
temperature against the chill and para- 
dox it throws off like a spoor. As we sat 
in his living room, he began talking 
about William Faulkner's going to Hol- 
lywood to write the screenplay of Неш- 
ingway's To Have and Have Nol. 

“Halfway between Hemingway and 
Faulkner,” he said, “is Hollywood.” He 
poured some wine and lit the briar. 
“You want to know what Hollywood is 
like? I had offers to do two movies once. 
One was set in Hong Kong. The other 
м set in Chinatown in San Franci: 


and raised in 


Kong movie decided to shoot it in 
Francisco in order to save moncy. The 
one that was doing the Chinatown mov- 
ie decided to shoot it in Hong Kong to 
save money. And at that point, I realized 
that it doesn't make y difference what 
you do. You just do anything you want. 
That was one of the reasons Carradine 
decided to m his own films. He knows 
Hollywood (meaning the film industry) 
so well that he simply operates on 
parallel wacks with it, jumping over 
om time to time to collect a check to 
keep his own work going. His latest 
production is called Americana. He 
started it in 1973 and finished it while I 
(continued on page 130) 


128 


MDDLESIZE 
ST 


anew breed of 
motorcycles proves that 
big is not always better 


FOR YEARS, the mid-size m 
cycle (400 с.с. to 600 c.c) was 
the neglected child of the 
American market place. Not 
large enough to be called super- 
cycles. too large to be sold to 
most beginners, the bikes went 
through a variety of styling 
$ t few years, 
it seems that the strategy has 
been to try to pass the bikes off 
as minichoppers They came 
with low-rider seats hang 
handle 
thing. The bikes were impres- 
. as long as they were on 
r kick-stands. When it came 
to handling, all of those “big 
bike" touches added up to a le 
than coherent whole. The rid- 
ing position was ridiculous. It 
felt as though you were sliding 
into a corner on your ass, spikes 
high. But the manufactur- 
ers probably figured that the 
guys who were buying th 
bikes | (concluded on page 175) 


The Laverda Montivic (right) is the 
epitome of Itolion styling: lean, 
floshy and fast (130 mph) At 
$5100, the street-legal production 
racer is cleorly in o class by itself. 
So, for that motter, is the blonde 
а one-piece racing suit from 
Botes leothers. The inset pictures 
reveal thot the Japonese ore по 
slouches when it comes to design: 
These somuroi cycles reflect the 
purity of café-rocer styling. The 
Suzuki GS450SX (upper left) was 
the first mid-size to adopt the rood- 
rocer look. The six-speed twin costs 
$1889. The 400-c.c. Honda Hawk 
(lower left) has oir-odjustoble front 
forks, o twinpiston front disc 
broke ond costs $1898. For those 
of you with a little more cash 
(obout $2500), the Yamoha Seco 
550 (upper right) is a four-cylinder 
four-stroke 
fuelinduction system. Very fast. 
The Kawosaki KZ 550GP (lower 
right) con give even lorger bikes a 
tun for the money (cost: $2599). 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ROB GAGE 


PLAYBOY 


130 


DAVID CARRADINE onini non ne 120 


“We borrowed this wolf and starved it. Then we just 


smeared me with dog food and I got into the pit. 


دوو 


was with him. He has an annoying habit 
of making films on budgets that con- 
tradict everything that is accepted a 
Gospel by the industry. A sound m 
they might do for $70,000, he does for 
$30,000. Where they shoot 1000 feet of 
film, Carradine shoots 100. 

I asked him how he does certain things 
that seem to require great expense. For 
example, in Americana, the main char- 
acter (played by Carradine) fights a dog 
in a pit for the entertainment of some 
rural Kansas locals. The scene is very 
realistic—and quite disturbing. 1 спу 
sioned stunt men, multiple cameras, 
highly trained dogs, make-up 
scores of takes to get that eer 
feeling he got. 

“It was one of Dan Haggerty's 
wolves," Carradine explained. "We bor- 
rowed this wolf and then starved it for 
two days. Then we just smeared me with 
dog food and I got into the pit.” He 
smiled a thin smile that I would come 
to recognize as characteristic. It was a 
smile you might see on a man who has a 
bazooka pointed at his head and has just 
been told to start shitting Tiffany cuff 


artists and. 
„ close-in 


ks or die. "I got injured," hc added. 
1 got the scars." 
Deep in. 


Carradine is covered with tattoos and 
loves great wines. He is a faithful hus- 
band and a grandfather. He has taken 
hundreds of acid trips and а few other 
trips, as well, Bob Dylan studied kung 
fu with him. (“Dylan looked like this 
really dead-on master and he didn't 
know what he was doing. He was 
great") He wants to seed the Santa 
Monica Mountains with wild animals— 
fox and lion, deer and possum and qu 
(‘I stop short of rattlesnakes"). Da 
is not his real name (it's John) and he 
likes Jose Cuervo gold tequila in pint 
bottles (the better to run with). He is 
four years into a 15-year shooting sched- 
ule of a movie about his 18-year-old 
daughter's life. He is full of secrets and 
just when you think you have a fix on 
one thing, he's got another for you. 

On his left nipple is a tattoo of the 
Sufi symbol, which is a pair of wings 
attached to a red heart surrounding a 
yellow star and moon. Above his dick he 
has a butterlly tattoo and on his right 
rib cape and abdomen, a tiger, moon 
and tree. There is a hawk on his left 
wrist. I wondered how many tattoos he 
had in all. 


“They're all sort of one,” he said. I 
guess only his proctologist knows for sure. 

1 also wondered if that didn't make it 
difficult as an actor when he had to take 
his shirt off. 

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “But classy ac- 
tors don't take their shirts off. Laurence 
Olivier never took his shirt off." 

“The clutter of the Malibu house is 
astonishing in its thoroughness, but it is 
not the clutter of some posthippie pad. 
lt is the clutter of a sunken ship, where 
every cloud. of sea dust drifts away to 
reveal some new trcasurc. Getting out of 
bed that first morning, J practically 
stumbled over some of his wines. 
Château Pichon-Longueville 1945. Châ- 
teau Giscours 1929, Labarde-Margaux. 
In another room, cascs of Haut-Brion 
1961. “I went broke last year buying 
wine,” he said. 

When I arose, no one but Kansas was 
up and she was busy taking a bath in a 
cup of yogurt, so I wandered outside to 
sneak another look at the Fei ar. 
Honda pulled in behind Linda's 
Mercedes and Keith Carradine unfolded 
himself from the driver's seat. A few 
minutes later, David got up (wearing 
the same clothes) and the two brothers 
hugged and kissed each other on the 
mouth, held each other at arm's length, 
as if to see how they'd grown over the 
years. They slammed each other on the 
back with detonations of manly affection 
and generally caused a jubilant uproar, 
with dogs barking and children squawk- 
ing and the sun leaking in to coat 
everything morning rose and ycllow and 
send little diamonds of white crecping 
across the floor. 
nily is the only real thing in all 
society," David said. He adores Keith 
and it isn't difficult to sce why. One of 
the first things you notice about Keith 
is that it would take a lot of bother to 
get to dislike him. He has a smile as 
clear as a temple bell, a boundless 
energy and affection. He immediately 
got into it with David's old hound, 
Buffalo, talking to him, growling at him, 
sliding his hands through Buffalo's fur 
like a cartoon p aning his fingers 
through a chest of doubloons. 

Half an hour later, we sat in the din- 
ing room, eating a strange California con- 
coction that was supposed to cure all ills. 
It tasted OK but was more like something 
you'd feed to a pet rabbit than to a hu- 
man. I think the recipe called for using 
only fruits and vegetables whose names 


ate ri 


ended in consonants. David had gone on 
a diet of that back when hc was doing 
Kung Fu. He said he had never felt better, 
had limitless energy and needed only three 
or four hours of sleep a night. Keith 
went on the diet for three weeks, too. H 

weight plummeted to 123 pounds, wh 
didn't sit too well on his 6’1” skeleton. 

"He cured himself by eating roast-beet 
sandwiches and drinking Pepto-Bismol 
so he wouldn't barf,” David said with a 
laugh. Sitting across the table from me, 
Keith still looked needle-thin at 157 
pounds. "But I don't care what you 
say,” David added. “It worked for me” 

After breakfast, Keith began doing 
Lord Buckley routines, and in about 
four minutes, he had us on the floor. He 
recited from memory such infamous bits 
as God's Own Drunk and The Nazz and 
turned his long, mobile face into that 
of a 60-year-old black man without 
apparent effort. It was startling and con- 
and Keith such a superhonkie 
when it comes to appearance. Then, 
abruptly, he left to go about his Sat- 
urday errands, reminding David to be 
sure to be at his housc the next day for 
the barbecue. 

When he'd gone, David sat shaking 
1 in admiration. “Keith has total 
he said. "Amazing, really. He's 
deep in." A little bark of a laugh es- 
caped. "Keith does crossword puzzles 
with a pen! Fuckin' New York Time 
Another bcat. "He's a virtuoso guitarist, 
too. Very shy about it.” 

They say that time speeds up and 
slows down, depending upon what is 
happening. It was only 24 hours until 
we were supposed to arrive at Keith's, 
but it took us about a month to pull it 
off. I've never seen a man take so long to 
get through a day in my entire life. 

. 

The weather was severe-clear as we 
screamed out of Malibu in the Ferrari 
Soon, however, we were stuck behind a 
Mercedes sports coupe chewing along 
at 70 miles an hour, “Get outa the fast 
lane, baby!" Carradine shouted, and sent 
the Ferrari dancing all over the road 
at 198 kilometers per hour (123 mph), 
missing the parked cars on the right by so 
little that if the car had had another coat 
of paint, we wouldn't have made it 
through. I was trying to decide whether 
my chances of surviving the impact would 
be better if I got down as low as possible 

п the seat or if I stood up so that I'd be 
thrown clear. There was so little to the 
car, just that crancload of engine and a 
windshield the size of a cafeteria tray. 

But then, through that Einsteinian 
magic of high-speed travel, the trip was 
over and Carradine was parking in a 
no-zone. “Isn't this nice?" he asked with 
that tl smile. “They've got all these 

(continued on page 176) 


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a fo unes student, a stewardess and 
a sunday- -school leach her— imagine 


these hace gids next door 


Theodore, Candy Loving and Terri Welles—were sharing an apartment 

in Los Angeles, we knew it was something worth looking into. Maybe 
they needed a houseboy. Maybe there was an apartment available in their build- 
ing. For years we've extolled the beauty of the girl next door, but this was too 
good to be true. Surely, there was a zoning ordinance against such a congregation 
of comely young women. The arrangement sounded like a television spin-off of 
Three's Company and Charlie's Angels. When we sat down with this unique set 
of roommates, we discovered that truth is frequently more fascinating than TV 
programing. For one thing, it's live, and infinitely lovelier in person. How did it 
happen? Well, in the beginning, there was Sondra, a former Sunday-school teacher 
from San Bernardino, who arrived in Los Angeles (lext concluded on page 1980, ) 


Nr WE FIRST HEARD that three of our favorite Playmates—Sondra 


Once upon a time, there were—thank heaven—three little girls, One from San 
Bernardino. One from San Diego. One from Ponco City, Oklahoma. They grew up to 
become Playmates, roommates and the best of friends. On the focing page, from 
the top, we have Sondra Theodore July 1977), Terri Welles (December 1980) 

ond Candy Loving—our 25th Anniversary (Jonvory 1979) Playmate. 


"We are all in the public eye as Playmates,” says Sondra. “We need a place ta relax. This is our bum time. We can raid the refrigerator, 
pig out on facos or call out for pizzas. A lot of people have the idea that the women who appear in PLAYBOY are perfect, manicured and 
made up all the time. We're not. I’ve been known to drop things, to make messes. We're humon beings, too.” 


ee Aes : 


“Sondra is the retrospective one,” says Candy. “She is the keeper of the 
scrapbook.” Above, Sondra contemplates her memories. Funny how there 
always seems to be a camera around fo capture the good times (below). 


“Sondra is like an alder sister," says Terri. “A Playmate emeritus.” She is the one who can 
unravel the sacial mysteries of Playboy Mansion West ar explain the basics af backgamman 
to Terri (below). At right, Sondra listens in оп о phone call ta Candy from Tony Curtis. 
The girls have many mutual interests and acquaintances. Their friendship is natural. Their 
likes and dislikes tend ta complement one another, rather than make them competitive. 


Sondra’s VW Bug exits Mansion West (below) offer an afternoon of sun, 
good food and spirited conversation at poolside (left). The girls’ oportment 
is lacoted—conveniently—just a few blocks from Hef's place. 


The pictures that don't make it inta Sondra's scrapbook find a place on the wall. Abave left, Sondra mokes plans on the hotline for an 
evening with Hef. At right, she and Terri accompany a local publisher to a Variety Club tribute ta Frank Sinatra. 


Sondra has done some recording with the newly formed Playmates singing group. Re- 
hearsals naw consume most of her time (below). But don’t think it’s all work and no play. 
Says Sondra, “Thank God for Terri. She is an energy person. She gels us up for rehearsals.” 


136 


"Ме don't view the idea of being 
Playmates and raommates as samething 
special,” says Candy. “Nurses live 
with nurses. Models live with madels. If 
yau want the real stary, try ta think 

of us as three young wamen trying to 
be self-sufficient in a tawn like LA. 
Because we've been thraugh sa much 
together, we can celebrote one an- 
other's victories, encourage one another. 
You should have seen us the day 

Terri and | did our first televisian 
commercials. Fantastic. 


As 25th Anniversary Playmate, 
Candy spent a year touring 
the country—doing TV and 
radia shaws (left). One station 
gave her the name Lady 

Rock "n* Rall. 


4 


More often thon not, the girls 

like to travel incognito, in 

T-shirts and sunglosses. Some- 
times they get awoy with it, but 
only a blind mon would hove been 
oble to miss Sondro and Terri ot 
the onnvol Playboy Jazz Festivol 
in the Hollywood Bowl (left). 
Terri will hove to get used to 
public recognition. In addition 

to her PLAYBOY appearances, she 

is doing notionol TV commerciols 
for Vivitar with eLarsoy photog- 
ropher Morio Cosilli (bottom left). 
She's o lody in the spotlight. 


How do these three roommates char- 
acterize themselves? Well, Terri 

is the comic, Sondra the laugher, 
Condy the quiet one. Candy is em- 
barking on a promising modeling 
career, with some television ap- 
pearances as well. Sondra is 
concentrating on her vocalizing 
with the Singing Playmates. And 
Terri is moving from modeling 

10 movies. These talented women 
have shared the Playmate experience 
and become close friends. “Like it 
says in the song,” observes Terri, 

"' ‘We are family.’ ” 


PLAYBOY 


strangers in the night 


POOR CHEVALIER de Faublas. When will 
his trials end? Banned from his native 
France for fighting a duel of honor, he 
secretly returned lo Paris, only to find 
himself pursued by the authorities. 

"I would not advise you to go out,” 
warned the Vicomte de Valbrun, in 
whose house I had taken refuge. “The 
street is heavily guarded. I have seen 
patrols in the neighborhood and a num- 
ber of ill-looking fellows lurking about. 
You had better spend the night here." 

I accepted his offer. Before leaving to 
gather friends in my support, he directed 
that I barricade all the doors and not 
open them to anyone. 

I was shown to the master bedroom 
and had no sooner slipped beneath the 
covers than a frightful noise arose from 
the street and a loud pounding sounded 
on the door of the house. Shortly, a serv- 
ant rushed into the room to say, “They 
demand to enter in the name of the 
king.” 

“Go,” I instructed him, “and see that 
the door is not opened until I make my 
escape.” 

“Fly to the garden,” he advised. “I 
will provide a ladder for you to scale the 
wall into the garden of our neighbor." 

As I was preparing to put on my 
clothes, the noise from the street re- 
doubled and I feared that, at any mo- 
ment, the door might be opened by 
force. Not taking the time to dress, I 
seized the vicomte's sword and my night- 
shirt and rushed down the stairs and 
across the courtyard to the garden, where 
I scaled the waiting ladder and leaped 
boldly onto the adjoining property. 

Imagine my consternation at finding 
myself enveloped in darkness, in a 
strange garden, with no covering but the 
nightshirt that I grasped in my hand. A 
thousand anxieties tormented me as I 
advanced to the house and rapped on 
the door. At length, it opened. There 
was no light and no one visible. 

"Is it you, chevalier?” whispered a 
female voice. 

What chevalier was this? I wondered. 
Nevertheless, I played the role of the 
expected guest. Disguising my voice, I 
answered in the affirmative. Her hand 
accidentally touched my sword. 

You have your sword in your hand. 
Were you pursued?" 

"Yar 

“Do not tell my mistress. It will dis- 
tress her.” 

“Where is she?” 

“In bed, of course. You can spend the 
night together. My master has gone to 
Versailles and will not return till morn- 
ing. Go up, there.” 

“My head is giddy. Lead me by the 
hand.” 


the amours of the Chevalier de Faublas, 1786 


We took but a few steps when the 
fille de chambre opened a second door 
and said, "He is come, madam.” 

From the darkness came the voice of 
the mistress of the house. "You come 
very late, my dear Flourvac." 

“I could not get away earlier.” 

I proceeded with great caution into 
the strange room. At last, reaching the 
bed, I feli into the arms of the unknown 


woman, who immediately began to cover 
me with the most tender kisses. 
“Oh, my dear chevalier. You will never 
let the winter weather keep you away." 
"Certainly not." 


"Every time my husband leaves, you 
will come? Bathile will always send you 
word, as she did today." 

“Very good.” 

“Was it not ingeniously contrived to 
light the lamp in the window?” 

Mess" 

“Oh, my dear chevalier. You will al- 
ways love me?" 

“Most tenderly.” 

"I confess to you, my angel, that I 
was most vexed this afternoon.” 

"Why?" 

"Because you did not meet me at 
church." 

"It was impossible." 


ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD HOLLAND 


Ribald Classic 


“But this morning, 1 was very well 
pleased; and you?” 

“Quite ravished.” 

“But did not the Mass seem long to 
you?" 

"Oh, the Mass." 

"You did right to put your chair be- 
de mine, but you did wrong in speak- 
ing to me." 

“Why so?" 

"What will all the ladies who know me 
and respect me say, on seeing me talking 
in church with a young officer? We must 
not meet on the outside anymore. My 
conscience reproaches me.” 

“Very well.” 

The woman renewed her passionate 
kisses. Although I had been disconcerted 
at sustaining the conversation, using 
only simple monosyllables in a contrived 
voice, I was now affected most powerfully 
by the woman’s charms. Blood surged 
through my veins and I shortly found 
myself in the happy disposition that so 
favors love. I immediately began to ex- 
press my gratitude to my hospitable host- 
ess but was met with serious resistance. 

“Stop. Let me alone. Flourvac, you 
know our agreement.” 

I was greatly surprised by the caprice 
of this unaccountable woman. Had she 
expected her lover to scale the garden 
wall, on this dreary winter night, to come 
and lie quietly with her? Perhaps she 
had; there was no telling. I lay beside her 
and quickly fell asleep. In a short while, 
I was awakened by her sobbing. Con- 
tinuing my disguised voice, 1 asked what 
was the matter. 

“What is the matter?” she said. “You 
are ungrateful and love me no more. 
You forget our agreement. You lie mo- 
tionless in my bed and my embraces 
appear no more desirable to you than if 
they were those of a vulgar, immodest 
and wicked woman.” 

"Through both words and actions, she 
quickly dispelled my confusion. I was 
not to have my pleasure through love's 
proper channel, for chastity must be 
maintained, Such was the agreement. 
But her lips, whose sweet kisses I had 
already tasted—those would do the duty. 
And, ah, what divine transports, what 
joys of paradise did make me melt at 
her ministrations! 

Now, those of you, dear readers, whom 
nature has only half favored—you who 
have a very fine head on a very ordinary 
body—do not ridicule this woman. If 
you had prudently employed the same 
means that she used, your husbands, 
perhaps, would not so soon have aban- 
doned you, and your lovers remained 
longer faithful. 


— Retold by Chris Dubbs 143 


step right up, folks, and watch 
the continuing saga of sexuality 
praised and condemned. will the 

censors win out? the answer 

may appear on your tv screen 


socıETy’s periodic schizophrenia about sex—is it 
good clean fun or something to be hushed up?— 
really busted loose in 1980. Sexual imagery in 
advertising virtually took over the commercial 
breaks on America’s television screens, with sug- 
gestive poses and slogans promoting everything 
from lingerie to that hitherto prosaic wardrobe 
staple, the pair of blue jeans. Simultaneously, 
the hucksters of born-again Christianity were 
riving to politicize the faithful, launching 
orality" crusades that were basically anti- 
sex. And while housewives, secretaries and 

even grandmothers shed their inhibitions 
watching men shed their dothes in ever-in- 
creasing numbers of male strip joints across the 


cried Women Against Pornog- 
chorused the male strippers’ 
‘audiences, responding in joyous abandon to the 
lure of beefcake on the hoof. 

If, as seems likely, the battle for the hearts 
and minds of the public is to be waged largely 
on the television screen, the celebrators may 
win out over the sourpusses. At least there's a 
lot more going on on the small screen these 
days. The proliferation of cable TV has brought 
R-rated movies into the home, and hard-core 
films are widely available on cassette; one study, 
in fact, claims that more than half of all video 
cassettes sold are X-rated. 

Perhaps the whole year can best be summed мық 
up by Ше pilgrim's progress of the Reverend Jm Onto 
Ted Mcilvenna, а San Francisco-based Meth- Tina Payne 
odist minister who since 1969 has been making 
sex-education films for use in counseling. Last 
February, the United Methodist Church Board 
of Discipleship pulled the prayer rug out from 
under Mcllvenna's materials, finding them un- 
suitable for denominational use; undeterred, 
he had films put on cassette and in November 
began marketing them through Exodus Com- 
munications, an afhliate of the National Sex 
Forum, which he directs. “Sexuality,” rea- 
sons Mcllvenna. “is a gift from God." He's 
just using a new medium for the message. 


TRUTH IN ADVERTISING 


Sexual imagery—phallic symbolism, nudity, double-entendre—was more popular than ever in the | 
advertising af 1980. The Maidenform woman once merely dreamed; now she's showing up in 

real-life situations. Baltimore Oriole Jim Palmer found, after posing for Jackey briefs, that he was 
much admired—at least by women—for parts af his physique other than his pitching orm. While 
January 1978 Playmate Debra Jensen flashed for Coppertone, other celebrities-such as model 
Jerry Hall (bottom right) and child actress Brooke Shields (TV inset, lower left)—posed in and out 
of jeans; and Tina Payne's mom, capitalizing on the lustfor-youth craze, mounted a controversial 
trade-paper ad campaign for her precocious ten-year-old daughter, who wants ta be a star. 


ASH'EM A COPPERTONE TAN 


Y 


NEWSMAKERS 


Following each other on the nonfiction best-seller lists in 1980 were 
Nancy Friday's Men in Love (below), o look at mole sex fantasies, 
ond Goy Tolese's Thy Neighbor's Wife, one man’s view of the sexual 
revolution. Esquire, which published Tolese’s: chapters on Hugh M. 
Hefner, chose to pose the author with Bunnies for a cover shot (right). 


zz | NANCY FRIDAY 
22 

Май ial Fantaskes:. 
an 1| Thelripoi Lane Overage 


When Celebrity Sk 


notorious for ripped-off nudes, ran shots of Ann-Margret 


from Magic (below), she claimed invosion of privacy. A court ruled that since 
the shots did, indeed, oppeor in the film, the star hod no privacy to invade. 


Running (for the fourth time) for President, San Francisco's 
Louis Abolofia (obove) campaigned os The Nudist Candidate 
("nothing to hide"). In Providence, Rhode Island, Aaron Fricke 
(below right) sued for ond won the right to toke o male date, 
Paul Guilbert, to the Cumberland High School senior prom. 


Actress/author 


"picture disc" 


Brit 
Ekland took it off for Î 
the record—a phono- 
graph record sold os o 
(right)— 
in England. On the flip 
side is Private Party; funny, 
it looks pretty public to us. 


FALLEN ANGELS 


Wanna break up а marriage? Hove wifey sign up as one of 
Charlie's Angels. At least that’s the way it laoked this year for 
Jaclyn Smith and Dennis Cale (top), getting ready to tell it to 
the judge; Kate Jackson and Andrew Stevens (above), who sepa- 
rated; Cheryl and David Ladd (below), whose union clso hit 
the rocks; and the erstwhile most famous Angel of all, Farrah 
Fawcett, sued for divorce by hubby lee Majors. That's Farrah 
end Lee together at bottom; these days, she’s more likely to be 
seen in the compony of Lee's former buddy, actor Ryan O'Neal 


DAMSELS IN DISTRESS , 


PLAYBOY pictorials caused their share of cantraversy in 1980. The 
Navy reprimanded both Lisa Ann Woolf (above left, crouching) 
and Susan Gage (standing) far shots in our April issue; Septem- 
ber's Judy Wardlaw (above right) missed Baylor's graduation rites. 


The corps gave Marine Sergeant Bambi Lin Finney (above) the 

boot; Suzanne Somers, briefly shelved by Ace Hardware after her 

February poses, ended up in fine feather at Vegas (below left); 

World Airways terminated stew Lindsey Remmell (below right). 

f мё », 
- 


ARTISTIC INVENTIONS 


Some neighbors objected when George Segal 
(below) sculpted Gay Liberofion on commission 
from o private foundotion for a Greenwich 
Village pork, postponing its plocement. 


Below left, musicion Phoebe Legere (in pink) and guest a! opening of "Erotic Art of the 
Prostitute” exhibit ot New York's Hilton Fine Arts Ltd. Below right, ry plaque from 


French writer Roger Peyrefitte/s erotica collection, put on the block last December. 
pie Р Gerne EE O Rt etc 


shows why they coll her WOW when she 
fronts for the punk group The Plasmostics 


This year, New York erotic artist René Moncada dummied up (below left). Below right, 
John Squadra’s oil from “Beastial Fantasies“ (spelling theirs), an exhibit from the 


folks ot Erotis Gallery іп Monhatton thot also feotured drawings ond sculpture. Above, disco hostess Cindy Ramsey; below, 


for-out costumes from Jeff Kutash's Holly- 
wood Goes Broodwoy Playboy revue. 


“<<a 


THINK PUNK LADIES [& GENTS] OF THE EVENING 


Since it burst onto the scene in Lorry L. King's 
1974 рідувоү orticle and subsequent musical, The 
Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, the Chicken Ronch 
has become the world’s most famous bordello. 
Above, a shot from New West's recent reportage. 


This is puttin’ on the Ritz? No, it's Burta de Portago and Sherri Beach- 
front putting us on at The Ritz, a New York rock club (above). Below, 
a T-shirt with a messcge makes the scene at another New Wave event. 


An estimated 600 prostitutes, mony transvestites, currently 
> ч infest Paris’ Bois de Boulogne (above); neor Rome, a 
Below уан Carman pun i y hooker does а booming roodside business in а nun's habit. 
Hagen in a clinch publici 
an actress known as Sosha Timeless. 


BEACH BUFFS 


4 y 


[m E 


Archie Bunker would never have believed 
this: bare bathers at Riis Park near Haward 
Beach in Bunker’s home borough of Queens 
(above) At right, body painting at a 
better-known hangout for sun-and-sand 
worshipers, Blacks Beach, San Diego. 


Y [ CARNAL CONTESTS 


Winning ways are exhib- 
ited by (clockwise from 
loft) Tara Alexander, in 
what was billed as a 
Spermathon contrived to 
bring off 75 men—the 
last of them her hus- 
band—four at, ah, a 
crack (here, she’s taking 
a broak); entrants in San 
Francisco's Outrageous 
Beauty Revue, nee Pag- 
eant; mud wrestling at 
Chippendale’s in West 
los Angeles (for a fee, 
а free bath, tips and the 
jackpot of potrons’ side 
bets); and, at the Tree- 
house Fun Ranch, con- 
testants strive for the title 
of Miss Nude California. 


Below, a shy tribute to a performer at San Francisco’s Soop 
club; ot bottom, the moment of truth ot a pioneer home of mole 
nude doncing, the Sugar Shack in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. 


TAKE-IT-OFF TURNABOUT 


You've seen them here before, but mole strippers reolly come into 
their own from coast to сооз? in 1980. At left, a little audience partici- 
pation enlivens the show at The Clossic Cot, lo Mesa, Colifornio; 
below, a crowd pleoser at Ро! Albert's Disco, Dudley, Massachusetts. 


Since we first reported on 


June 1978, 


The Clossic Cat hos become legendory. Above, 


new dimensions to the 


term 


touch-feely. 


In Florida, the hot act is The 
Mole Factor, an Orlando 
foursome heoded by ex-dance 
instructor Dave Richardson 
(below); sorry, ladies, these 
fellows will peel down only 
as for as their G strings. 


STEAMY SCREEN 


Big-screen news of the year could be summorized in these two films: Blue Logoon 
(lefi) starred Brooke Shields ond Chris Atkins in o Disneyesque approoch to 
sex educotion, all blue skies ond innocence. Coligula (above) dished up enough 
decadence to give sex a bad nome; critic Roger Ebert lobeled it “sickening trash.” 


Topless Lindo Bardot stors in The Roinbow Grill revue Kicks 
(below) in, of cll ploces, Rockefeller Center; ot right, 
poster for end scene from Pinocchio's Hot Night Out, 
odulis-only puppet show, premiered in Norfolk, Virginia. 


Julia Crisman is menaced by Gory Houston, Steven Willioms, John Marshall ond Steve Marmer 
in Chicogo's Orgonic Theoter Company's Fornicopia, c “pornographic Victorian musical” 


HM (lef). Below, a scene from the Scandinavian Bomb erotic bollet in Poris’ Theoter 42. 


SEX IN THE LIVING ROOM 


Hottest show on Italian TV is The Wild Pyjomo, with o Milanese 18-year-old оз its grond 
prize (below). Meanwhile, Monhatton's George Urban still gets girls to take it off 
(right) for The Ugly George Hour of Truth, Sex and Violence thrice weekly on cable. 


After the United Methodist Church Board 
of Discipleship withdrew support from his 
sex-educotion film progrom, the Reverend 
Ted Mcllvenna (left) of San Francisco = 
started offering moteriols on cassette (be- 

low) vio Exodus Communicotions Limit- 
ed, offiliote of his Notionol Sex Forum. 


One industry survey doims more thon holf of all 
video tapes sold ore X-roted, which may exploin the 
proliferation of mogozines like those shown below. 


anena] 7 


Мы 


David Р. Friedman, chairmon of the Adult Film Association of Americo, and himself a video-cassette distributor, estimates there hove been 
300,000 legitimote soles of Deep Throat topes (below left), starring the inimitoble Lindo Loveloce—plus untold piroted copies. Also а big 
cassette selle: Sex World (below center). A toned-down-to-R version of Toke Off (below right) has been shown on Los Angeles pay-TV. 


WHILE OTHERS L( 
KAWASAKI LOST 


The KZ550LTD. Light. Simple. Nimble. Quick. 
Built like its cousin, the 550 Standard. A bike that 
Cycle World heralded as `. . proof that bikes don't 
have to get heavier and bigger to get better, and 
if this is the way its going to be in the future, sign us 
up for another 50 years of riding motorcycles? 

The 550LTD is 30 pounds lighter than its closest 
competitor, and its simple two valve per cylinder 
engine design delivers more net horsepower. All in 
all, it's a remarkably well disciplined ruachine. 
There are other advantages to less bulk. The 


Пау may be limited. 


550LTD's narrower, cleaner lines make itthe 
best low rider we've ever designed. 

The 550LTD has all the features you'd expect 
from a bike of its class. And many outside its class. 
Fully adjustable suspension front and rear. 


standard equipment 


ST TOUCH. 


Kawasaki's exclusive Clean Air System that keeps 
our performance standards while meeting the 
EPA's. Plus, self canceling turn signals, electronic 
ignition and quartz-halogen headlight. 

You can buy the 550LTD for its style and features. 
You can buy it for performance and handling. Or 
you can buy it for its reliability and low maintenance. 

But most of all, you can buy the 550LTD to put you 
back in touch with the = 
true spirit of biking. 


Letthe good times roll. 


PLAYBOY 


156 


TOM SNYDER (continued from page 52) 


and somebody talking for an hour and 
a half. 

PLAYBOY: With the additional segments 
and a talent showcase. it 
Tomorrow is in fact. becoming more 
like the old Tonight Show. 

SNYDER: It does seem that way. . . - 
have misgivings and anxieties 
whether it's to be my show any 
more. But that’s true any time you make 
a change. And after seven years, it's not 
a bad thing to play around with it a 
bit—to see if we can change it without 
destroying it. We don't want to fuck it 
up and we don’t want NBC to fuck it up. 
But you never really k 
on the air. Is a chance you take, and 
Fm taking that chance. 

PLAYBOY: Is the pressure for ratings more 
or less intense with the new time slot 
SNYDER: It's more intense now, be 
ol the revenues involved. Advertisers pay 
so much more money for that hall 
hour—12:30 to one—than for the old 
Tonight Show, beca so 
much greater. TH 
dropoff of sets in 


sounds as if 


I do 
about 


ow until it gers 


іс 


sc the audience 
eres а tremendous 
se after one aw 1 
don't have the exact figures on what а 
second spot coss on The Tonight 
Show, but it's around 530,000. A com- 
mercial rate on the Tomorrow program 
ter one A.M. is maybe $8000. So the 
pressure is on us to maintain the Carson 
rating from 12:30 to one A.M. 

PLAYBOY: With all this talk about the 
pettiness and the subterfuge among the 
decision makers, do you ever sit back and 
reflect on the significance—or the insig- 
nificance—of what you do for a living? 
SNYDER: I often wonder, Is what I do 
really meaningful? Is it purposeful work? 
Or is it just frivolous and ephemeral and 
ol no great Th 
that 1 have. You wonder. Is it r 
portant to do an interview with 
Rickles on television? Is it really 
portant 10 do a television program 
the grand scheme of thin being 
television. personality really meaninglul? 
I asked that once of Jack Lemmon and I 
guess he answered best. He said, 
because there are those rare moments 
n really touch people.” 
PLAYBOY: And will that sustain you in 
the years to come? 


tion 


valu frusti 


ally im- 
Don 


when we 


. I don't wam to do any 
more new projects. I am no longer the 
brash young arrogant newscaster from 
the West Coast who shoots from the hip. 
I consider myself a senior citizen in terms 
of my own personal lifestyle. 1 have been 
doing this now for 95 ycars and four 
more y ihe Tomorrow show is 
coming close 10 30 years. I think that i 
enough for me and for the people who 
watch me. I don't want to be one of 


s on 


those people about whom it’s said, “Oh, 
my God, does Bob Hope have 10 go on 
gain? Why the hell doesn’t he qu 
Or, “Jesus Christ almighty, does Steve 


Allen have to do this—do we have to 
watch this again?” I am sure there are 
people now who Almighty, 


ars; how 
more ye ve to do 
My audience is getting older with 
And the new audience that is coming 
along doesrt want to watch some gray- 
haired guy sitting up there, interviewi 
people and making believe he is a hip 


Late-night broadcaster. 
PLAYBOY. What about when Carson's 
time is up? Docs taking over The To- 


пішін Show appeal to you? 
SNYDER: In the minds of people who 
watch what I do, I may be the natural 
successor to the Carson show. But in my 
mind and the minds of NBC, I am not 
the natural successor to the Carson show. 
PLAYBOY: Why not? 
SNYDER: For a very simple reason. Four 
years from now, I will be 48 years old. 
The next person who takes over The 
Tonight Show should be there for at 
least ten years. They don't want to hire 
somebody who is going to be there for 
a year or two and go away. When I am 
18 years old. 1 dom w rk on 
а project t 
1 have e 
myself that I 
of the road. 1 am nor going to sit there 
like Walter Cronkite until Î am 65 years 
old, doing television. I don't think it 
is fair to me or the audience or the 
young gals and guys who are coming up 
behind me to hang on for as long as I 
possibly can simply to satisfy my ego and 
mother 51-000 000. And NBC 
ıt anybody there for just 


earn 
wouldn't w 
three years. 
PLAYBOY: Аге you saying Natont that you 
would tum down The Tonight Show? 

SNYDER: Yes, | am saying Пасош, un- 
equivocally—if selected, 1 wouldn't de 
and if I was forced to do it. 
I will not accept if nomi: 
ill not serve il elected. I have 
never considered the Tomorrow show to 
be а stopping-off point on the way to 
The Tonight Show. When 1 move to the 
West Coast the next time, Е don't want 
no interest in o; 
rhe Tonight Show 


to tape nothing, T b 
desire for taking over 
when Johnny leaves. 
PLAYBOY: What's your ор 
Johnny is а ten 
n inst 


ution 1 
taken, by the sheer force 
of his personality, a program, The To- 
night Show, and made it the Johnny 
төп show. It is his vehicle, it is his 
platform, and he wanscends being a 
talkshow host. 1 mean, Johnny Carson. 


is in the rank of supersuperstar. I don’t 
envy him anything. He has rare talents. 
He is absolutely perfect. 

PLAYBOY: Are there any other talk-show 
hosts who are a ten in your opinion? 
SNYDER: Mi Douglas. Mike Douglas 
on the air. and has be for 19 
years, Mikes was the first syndicated 
talk variety show in my memory that 
le it big. really big. Mike Douglas is 
a ten. He was an originator, while the 
others are followers. John Davidson is а 
clone of Mike Douglas. They picked hi 
because he probably fills the qualifica- 
tions that Mike originally filled 18 y 
ago: a young. good-looking sing 
entertainer. who—il we do research for 
him proper! ry on an 
on a very sur 
PLAYBOY: Don't like Davidson. huh? 
SNYDER: John Davidson has no bu 
lk show. He's 
of thinking, his show is d- 
ion of the talk show. 1 don't mean 
. I mean that they've 
nd adapted it to John 
well at night 
hey've tried to сари 
and lame. 


was 


nterview 


ness 


upon his терш 


PLAYBOY: Like Dinah Shore? 
Ik show because 
avail- 


SNYDER: Dinah did a 
that was the only thing that w 
able for her to do. And she wa 
be on television. It's a vehicle for E 
Shore. She sings but is not basicall 
interviewer, And it shows. 

PLAYBOY: Do vou resent the fact that she 


and Davidson are singers doing talk 
show: 

SNYDER: No. ] don't resent it onc bi 
PLAYBOY: And Merv Grillin? Another 
singer doing a talk show? 

SNYDER: He's an excellent communicator. 


But if you ask me to rate his style, 
not especially a fan of his, That doesn't 
n his show is bad. The thi that 
Merv talks about аге not topics in which 
I find myself greatly 
PLAYBOY: What do you think 
Donal 
SNYDER: Phil 


terested. 


ol Phil 


Donahue is doing ж 
thing that a lot of ate 
Sixties, Contact in Philadelphia was 
like the Phil Donahue show. We had five 
sure-fire topics on Contact, which was on 
from 1966 то 1970 at nine л.м. The 
topics were sex. children. schools, dicts, 
nd the fifth was all the other things of 
interest —whether. it be ESP, witcheralt 
or things that go bump in the night. 
PLAYBOY: How do you account. for 
program's success, ther 
SNYDER: His morni udience of women 
ved for that kind of program. It 
nce for them to solidify their 
views or acquire new views on 
things that were affecting them. Those 
things that Donahue talks about every 
morning are often the only chance that 
(continued on page 168) 


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HEY, BONNY 
BARLOW! "М у, ў MINUTE? ILL "м NOT REALLY A 
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SAME BILL! comic. AP» 4 

o Le 


LEIGH RIDE by Downs & Kurtzman 


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J ONT INVENT A 
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Крам! DNEOF ор MEAN \/ 

THESE Days YOU'LL }/ BECAUSEOF 
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EVOKED! 


NOT TO WORRY, Doc! 
SEE, А BEAUTIFDL- 


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YOUR PRESS! NO 
TIME FOR THAT NOW. 


1), 
LE Ж 
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160 


CARTER STATE DEPARTMENT 


(continued from page 98) 


“For reasons that escaped . . . us, the President and 
Vance decided to play ball with Kissinger." 


enfolds the powerful. It says something 
about the power of experience that 
eventually he decided a tie should be 
worn with a coat in public. (He also 
rtually stopped doing anything at all 
n public following the f. tempt by 
a miserable little con artist to tie h to 
the use of cocaine in a sleazy New York 
haunt of the glitterati he should have 
had enough sense to shi 

But the inner circle's ido, the 
bitterness with which Carter's enemies re- 
garded his accession to power was apparent 
from the beginning. A few nights befor 
the Inauguration. Robert Novak, a colum- 
nist and friendly acquaintance of mine 
for 15 years, invited me to a party at his 
home in the Maryland suburbs. In those 
ys. being fresh out of Mississippi. I 
was still a litte slow at catching Was! 
ington's atmosphere. But there was noth- 
ing subtle about the emanations from 
the crowd at Bob's. The term neocon- 
servative is now much in fashion. but 
euphemism is too bland to descri 
those present. who were largely the sp 
carriers for the gi on state in exile. 
Although, or perhaps because, they had 
not been able to win a political encoun- 
ter within the Democratic Party in а 
decade, they were a vengeful set of 
losers. I was barely inside the door be- 
fore Richard Perle. Scoop Jackson's dark 
princelet of staff hard-liners, made one 
thing perfectly clear, Since the new Ad- 
ministration had excluded from high 
position any of their number, they in- 
tended to punish—destroy is the word I 
remember—the new team whenev nd 
wherever possible. They meant it. and 
they never let up. from the brutal though 
losing Senate floor fight over the con- 
Jarnke as director of 


nd Disar 
ey to the unremitting 
st SALT H 


What was true for the right wing of 
the Democratic Party, loosely assembled 
in the Coalition lor a Democratic Major 
ity. was even truer of Henry. Kissinger 
and his claque. For reasons that escaped 
the more combative of us, the President 
and Vance decided to play ball with 
Kissinger. From the beginning. we were 
told to treat him as a distinguished 
r statesman, as though he could be 
counted on to accept our systematic re- 
pudiation of his foreign-policy assump- 
tions in passive silence. They apparently 
believed that Kissinge 
the well-being of the n 


sen 


the redemption of his reputation. He was 
brought in for regular briefings and con- 
sultations by Vance. He was needed by 
the Administration, or so the word w 
for the Р а Canal fight, the 
tion of SALT II and as a dike of sorts 
against a potential right-wing flood. 
The result was that Kissing, 
g treated with kid gloves, poisoned 
the well, privately at first and quite 
publicly over the last 18 months. His 
salon remarks, his "extemporaneous 
questioning of Carter poli 
meetings, were met with pained restraint. 
We had adequate access to enough mate- 
rial, in official memorandums, to keep 
him silent or at least defensive from be- 
ginning to end. He must have been sur- 
prised at first, then thankful and finally 
amused about our failure to use it. Small 
wonder that Stare Department profe: 
s asked whether there was really a 
new broom and if it knew how to sweep. 
1 hope no one in the White Hous 


or on 


ng his political nukes into our wash- 


rooms in 1979. 


. 
It is important to understand th 
Washington is a pushover for power. 
For every enemy, real or imagined, fa 


ing а new President, there are 100 per- 
sons who want nothing morc than to 
be piece of the action. For every 
columnist. who is going to be critical 
for ideological or policy reasons, there 
e six politically amoral ones who will 
respond to Presidential stroking with 


public purrs about Presidential per- 
formance. For every member of Con- 
gress who believes that his or her career 


can best be advanced by takin 
President of the United States in open 
combat, there are а dozen who 
more convenient to be pictu 
Presidents trusted right hand and chief 
architect of his legislative success. 

Aud. in fairness to Carter, he under- 
stood all of that in theory. He invited 
in the commentators and columnists, the 
members of Congress and the private 
hs of high standing in the per- 


on the 


so many others, he left the vivid 
sion of an intelligent m 


mpres- 
n in command 
and figures of his job. 


ag was his vir- 
had several 
fact, 1 almost 


s always su 
tually total recall, as I 


ns to observe. In 


didn't get the job, thanks to that incred- 
ible Carter memory. 

He had gone through Greenville, Mis- 
issippi. my home town, in October 1975, 
to address a Democratic Party rally. Alter- 
rd. as we drove to the airport, he asked 
me to join his campaign. as he had шь 
doubtedly asked thousands of other people 
in his long march to the Presidency. 

No thanks, I replied, I just 
the family newspaper. But by 
1976, I thought differently 


the election, 
State Deparun 
On the advice of several friends on 
the transition team, Vance recommended 
my possible appointment on numerous 
occasions. h time, m ame came 
back with what amounted to a blackball. 
My r nt over one last time, at 
the insistence of a good friend, who told 


me to stand by for a call from the Pres 
dentelect. It came. 
“Hodding, do you really want to come 


up he ter asked. 

“Yes, sir," 1 said. 

"Call Cy Vance," he said. 
want to talk to you about a job. 

That “blackball” had been his memory 
of my insistence 15 months before that 
I couldn't leave my newspaper. 

Then there was the matter of our al- 
leged family relationship. While he was 
the American 
ditors held its 
annual convention in Atlanta. The gov- 
ernor gave a reception for the assembled 
editors, which I attended. We met for th 
first time in the receiving line 
mediately remarked, “I've 
your father. Aren't we some 

“None that Im aware of,” E replied, 
and passed on down the line, the mo- 
nent forgotten as quickly as it occurred. 
Several years later, the President and 
cc broke away brielly Irom the 1977 
economic summit in London to attend 
a quickie mecting with President. Assad 


"He may 


still governor of Georgi 
Society of Newspaper 


of Syria in Geneva. T went along as the 
Secretary's spokesm Force 
One; it was my first trip on the air- 


borne White House. 

As the pl 
in Geneva, I stood in the corridor out 
side the staff compartm 
behind the Presid 
came out just before the plane rolled to 
a stop and noticed me standing there. 

"You ready to claim kim yet, Hod- 
ding?” he laughed. 

1 half-dropped to one knee, looked up 
nd said, “Whatever you say, it is, Mr. 
President.” 

He laughed again 
Cousin,” and “Cousi 
he saw me from then on. 

"Touches such as that kept me a firmly 
committed Carter for a long time. 

(continued on page 212) 


and said, “OK 
it was every time 


na 


161 


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color.. crisply, clearly... RCA has intro- 
duced the advanced Detail Processor to 
Colorfrak 

It separates color from black and white 
within the closest. of tolerances. Then, 
with the help of RCAs eight automatic 
color systems, locks the right color on 
track. Even colors only subtle shades 
apart For the very best color picture in 


Ranging from traditional... all the way to 
modern 

He'll also introduce you to the new 
Colorfrak remote control. You'll quickly 
discover why this is the most advanced 
remote to ever control a ColorTrak 

And while youre looking at ColorTrak, 
why not listen to ColorTrak? Some models 
even include Dual Dimension Sound. With 
sound closer to stereo than monaural 

But whichever model you choose, we're 
quite sure that you'll be just as proud of 
your 1981 Colorlrak as we are. 


RCA IS {Ы n BETTER ANO BETTER. 


Available on most 1981 Colorleak models. 
Simulated TV piclure. 19" Diagonal set shown is "The Raeburn’ 
‘model FER 485, For the complete ine of Colorlrak models. write: 
RCA Consumer Electronics, бері. 32-312, 600 North Sherman Dr. 
Indianapolis, IN 46201 


PLAYBOY’S PIPELINE 


MAN & WORK 


HOW TO SURVIVE A 


case the trials of frequent air travel. 


BUSINESS TRIP 


Jet 
to be a 
steeplec 


business travel doesn't have 
stress decathlon of airport 
ases, long gray-flannel lines, 
heartburn meals in heartbreak hotels. 
overcrowded schedules and under- 
crowded beds. Here are some gold- 
medal survival tips to help you make 
gh th 


PACKING IT IN 

A professional traveler packs a tight 
suitcase. "I have two or three traveling 
suits, all in the bluegray range." says 
Jeffrey Greene, senior vice-president of 
Citicorp Services. “I'm no fabric maven, 
but I find my really good woolen s 
travel the best. [ have the laundry re- 
turn certain shirts wrapped in paper 
ready to pack and I keep my toilet kit 
filled with patent medicines, vitamins, sewing kit and shoe 
polish—since its hard to get a shocshine in even the 
best hotels." Other prolific travelers won't leave home without 
. spot remover. a portable office-supply 
ips. paper clips, stapler and a 
nt to write down 


swim trunks, casualw 
case containing stationery. sta 
high-wattage bulb that helps when you wi 
bright ideas in dim horel rooms 

The jury is still out in the case of carry-on versus check-in 
luggage. Carry it on and you avoid waiting for it at the end of 
the flight or possibly losing it altogether. Check it in and 
you'll win the boardinggate derby with no sweat and you 
won't have to share scarce leg room with a stuffed valise. And 
лувоу Travel Editor Stephen Birnbaum, a scourge of all 
carrying on, declares, “Until there's a Guinness world record 
for fastest rumpled human off a loaded 737, I see no reason 
not to pack even the living-room sofa if I suspect my hotel 
will lack a comfortable chair. 


roon 


TAKING OFF 
Before you leave 


delegate all your projects to people who 
can handle them or stall them until you ret Make a 
thorough itinerary, induding office and home phone numbers 
ol everybody you'll see. Leave a copy with your secretary and 
significant others, but caution them to contact you only in 
the direst of emergencies, since, presumably, you'll need to 
concentrate your energies on the business of the trip. If you 
can't bear to stay incommunicado, call in at prearranged 
times to reassure yourself that the fort is being held. 

ng there can be half the grief after you qualify for the 
elite and somewhat clandestine Frequent Traveler status most 
airlines offer their best customers. According to ОЛС Frequent 
Flyer, a newsy supplement to the indispensable Pocket Flight 
Guide, “A passenger who flies a. particular airline five to ten 
times а year . . . will usually be recognized with a membership 
card, access to an unlisted reservation telephone number, VIP 
luggage tags, a monthly newsletter and other. amenities that 
range from mere ego pampering to true services designed to 


When you qualify, the airline com- 
puter should automatically spit out 
your name: if not, it won't hurt to 
give them a call 

Supervise your travel arrangements. 
Ifa secretary or a travel agent does the 
legwork, specify prelerred a 
even planes, types of rental car and 
hotel. Most all-pro travelers shun the 
big convention hotels and sleep at 
airport hotels only at gunpoint. They 
prefer smaller inns that specialize in 
personal attention and point-blank 
message taking—New York's Mayla 
Regent, Chicago's Tremont and San 
Francisco's Stanford Court are often 
cited as examples of that kind of place. 
Recently, some American chains hav 
begun emulating European hotels with 
“tower service"; it may include, at a 
515 to $20 premium rate, such business- 
class per 24-hour concierge service, in-room breakfast, 
hors d'oeuvres and midnight snack and The Wall Street 
Journal delivered cach morning to the door. 

On long vips. wy to arrive a day early. particufurly on 
castbound flights, because, according to Argonne Laboratory 
senior scientist Dr. Charles Ehret, “It's a lot easier to slow 
down the body clock than it is to speed it up.” To combat jet 
lag, Dr. Ehret has concocted a world-travelers’ dict, which es- 
sentially involves “Lasting” on low-calorie, low carbohydrate 
meals on getaway day and “feasting” on high-protein breakfasts 
and lunches and high-carbohydrate dinners the day you a 

Wherever you go. immediately force yourself to function at 
your normal schedule according to the new clock on the wall— 
not the one on your wrist you forgot to change. Relax with 
cat naps, leisurely strolls or a dip in the pool. Try to eat, 
drink and sleep in judicious moderation. 


nes and 


THE LONELIEST NUMBER 
‘ating alone is business travelers’ number-one complaint, a 
gripe that solo tables in swanky restaurants, a stool in a greasy 
spoon and room service solitaire only tend to exaggerate. Un. 
less you can arrange a working dinner, your best het might be 
a Captain's Table at a Sheraton or Marriott facility at which 
a matchmaking maitre de seats unescorted diners who don't 
t to be alone. 

To meet fellow travelers, an increasii umber of whom are 
apt to be female, check out hotel bars and nearby cocktail 
lounges. "Support your local bartender—particularly in cities 
where you're likely to return," advises travel-industry publi 
relations consultant Chris Lockwood. "He can be a welcoming 
presence and an invaluable source of introductions. 

To examine the home-grown talent, track down а country- 
and western better yet, attend a pro or colle 
ate sporting event, where there's bound t0 be a spirited 
gathering place close at hand. Just remember that you survive 
business trips the same way you survive in business. Be well 
prepared, resourceful and patient. — THEODORE rt 


ic | 


a El 163 


PLAYBOY 


164 


THE SKY THE LIMIT 


(continu. 


1 from page 120) 


“There are nearly 450 electronic games and more than 


nd if the futurists correct in their 
predictions that we will be spending more 
time at home—a c or with [riends— 
with the car in the garage, then our ap- 
petite for these electronic diversions is, as 
yet. far from sated. 

With few exceptions, the guts of the 
similar the 


newest very to 
1979-era machines. W different. is 
that innovative designers have found 
ways of making the same hards 
icr" The single-chip microcom- 
inside not only keep score, count 
time and perform other simple 
w /watchlike functions but some 
ct to the human player's reflex 
nd adjust the play accordingly. 


mes are 


speed 
At the same time, we, as players, expect 


some ence” from new-generation 
games, as we take for granted the supra 
technology flaunted in the movies of 


George (Mar Wars) Lucas and others. 
Virtually no truly new games app 
this year that have old-fashioned (ts 


ar 


years old, that is) red LED blips. 1 
stead, new types of displays with con- 
siderable det providing more 


lic visu 


1 feedback to the players. 
And there is more frequent use of liquid- 
crystal displays (LEDs), making the 
mes playable on the sunny beach or 
at poolside. 

Sound q 


is more sophisticated, 


ity 


hi Ма ей 


150 video-game cartridges from which to choose.” 


with more natural sounds 
number of tone or musical sequences to 
lert the p - Synthesized speech— 
no records or tapes—is just beginnin 
to appear in some games. By next year, 
we will have dozens of games yakki 
away in re ply understandable cle 
u 


id a greater 


nic voices. 
MI this sophistication in intelligence, 
displays and sound, however, has not 
tome cheaply. Many of the component 
chips (especially microcomputer chips 
that store the programs) have been in 
tight supply. keeping costs from their 
traditional nose dive as production qu 
tities increase. And inflation has caught 
up with the plastic cases, other compo- 
nents and labor, We find, therefore, a 
large percentage of new g in the 


were put on hold by their n 
for fear that the economy would 
not support them. 


Even so. there still nearly 
clecwonic games and more than 
videogame/computer cartridges 


which to choose. Unfortu 
hand-held and 


ely. a lot of 
nes are mer 


ly fastbuck. off-brand imitators of pre 
viously successful games: Their makers 
not be around to solve a service 


“My husband thinks Pm oul having 


а homose 


ual experience.” 


problem if your unit goes out on you. 

To help vou through this seemingly 
endless maze ol electronic games, 
PLAYBOY has assembled a guide to what 
we consider the top games in cach cate- 
ory. We strongly urge you. nevertheless, 
to ga the stores 


out to 


player 
challenge 
the computer, you will soon tire 
ing your ego. For multiple-player games. 
the best ones involve as many players 
as possible. The unit must first be a 
good game, or you will be the owner of 
very expensive dust collector. Now, on 
to the games, Lets see what they are 
doing and. ta w 
they are saying. 


me. test Lo se 


n some cases, liste 


MANDA 


For years, TV. game shows have kept 
you on the edge of your scat as you 
watched contestants race the dock. Now 
it’s your turn with Split Second. by 
Parker Brothers (about $17). You push its 


ELD ACTION 


control buttons to guide an LED ball 
through mazes, to zero in on alien space- 


keep you trying and uying for 
time. With so much action packed 
this unit. Split Second is probably the 
most captivating hand-held game in its 
price range this season. 

On a qui For the game play- 
er who travels by air or wishes to while 
away his daily commute with something 
other than the newspaper. there is tl 
silent-running Computer Gin. by Mattel 
(870). I's you os the computer 
levels of Gin—Go Draw (Go Fish we 
it as kids) and 3 al ch 
lenge). A unique 114” x 3" LCD display 
literally shows cach card in your hand 
(number and suit symbol) in the proper 
color (black or red). You and the com- 
puter alternately draw. and discard, It's 
just like playing with Gramps. 

IE you enjoyed having your br 
memory bank tested with Milton Brad- 
ley's Simon, you can now take him а 
in a miniversia 
$15. 1t 1 the game variations and 
the familiar lights and tones of the orig- 
inal but in a hand-held size, making it 
much easier to tuck away in a travel ba 

For the ulti 
though, Mego has 
sized LCD one pla 
Time-Out series (about ach). Your 
on n, Fireman, for example, 
is to relay people jumping from a bu 
ing building into an awaiting ambu- 
lance with a wampolinlike stretcher, You 
have to position the stretcher under the 
jumpers for three bounces before they 
ad in the ambu nd when up to 
nine people are in mid-air, you've got to 
shift the stretcher back and forth with 
great prec g speed. But 


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PLAYBOY 


166 


don't worry: If a jumper should hit the 
pavement, he instantly becomes an LCD 
angel on your screen. Three angels and 
the game ends, scoring how many people 
you saved. 


‘TABLETOP ACTION 


There's an armada of tabletop clec- 
tronic games that lend themselves much 
better than the hand-helds to multiple- 
player involvement. Almost all of them 
have a game mode in which one player 
competes against the computer chip 
side; but the most entertaining tabletops 
have two or more people controlling the 
action, instead of taking turns. 

The big playing areas on these games 
provide a larger space for more realist 
electronic displays. For example, Band: 

а inspires the bleacher bum in us 
th the detailed baseball-game dis- 
on its Miracle Baseball (about $50). 
4" LCD ball park shows bat- 
ters running for bases and outfielders 
shifting to catch flies, with much more 
realism than red blips ever can. There is 
plenty of action for both offense (bat- 
ting. bunting and stealing) and defense 
(straight Еа curves, change-ups and 
outfielder shifts). The pitcher's controls 
detach from the main unit so players can 
keep their private strategi a distance 
from one another. Different tone se- 
quences signal cach pitch and hit. And 
when a fly ball leaves the park, the 
home-run batter is amply rewarded with 
sound and display. 

If your home lacks space for the reg 
lation billiard table you've been усагп- 
ng for, you can at least cue up in 
abletop size with Parker Brothers’ Bank 
Shot electronic pool (about 550). One or 
two sharks can play Straight Pool, Poison 
Pool (a version of eight ball) and set up 
trick shots, all without losing one cue 
tip or getting chalk dust on the rug. 

Did you say you needed a table game 
for four or more? Milton Bradley's Super 
Simon (about $33), a grand-master v 
sion of its popular Simon. is a good place 
to start. Super throws monkey wreaches— 
such as a burst of distracting light 
flashes—into whatever system you think 
you've developed to memorize light /tone 
sequences. With five games, many of 
them require nonstop attention, since 
the sequences change, and you never 
know who will be summoned next to 
test his memory. The play is fast, fren- 
ed and fu 
Another kind of group electronic ac- 
tion comes with Strobe (one to four 
players), by Lakeside Games (about $50). 
Each player posi as a big light (v 
ble to all) and three push buttons 
(shielded from opponents) standing for 
cach of the other players. If you are It, 
your light glows and you have to pass It 
to someone else, who must puss It on, 
etc, etc. Strobe reminds us of an old 
campfire activity called Indian. But leave 


it to the microcomputer to help you 
along by making you pass It ever faster 
and faster. The game, which has two 
other modifications, is most fun with 
four playcrs, sobcr or otherwise. 

And then there is Milton (for one or 
two players), from Milton Bradley (about 
580). It’s the only game we know of that. 
introduces itself, tells you its instructions 
and prompts you through the game. Oh, 
yes, and the voice—though completely 
electronic—sounds natural. That 
you call a Wolfman Jack v 
For each round, Milton gives you seven 
phrases (at random from 18 possible 
ones), such as "Kiss my lips.” The object 
of the game is to hunt for matching 
parts of the phrases by pressing one of 
seven red buttons (“Kiss my . . .") and 
the correct yellow button ps”). 
When you get it right, Milton may say 
“Whoopdedoo, number two." If you get 
it wrong. Milton will not only mismatch 
the phrase ("Kiss my . . . toilet") but is 
likely to scold you with an electro: 


raspberry. 


ARCADE GAMES 


While an electronic game can be said 
to have a personality (stubborn, clusive, 
deceitful, etc.), none we've played thus 
far exudes as much synthesized emotion 
as the new Xenon pinball machine, by 
Bally (52500). Here is what we mean by 
ne (though 
totally electronic) sigh of ecstasy at the 
insertion of the coin. This alluring crea- 
ture and other natwal-sounding voices 
accompany you and your silver ball on 
an exploration of the advanced Xenon 
civilization. The longer your ball stays 
in play, the quicker the lights and back- 
ground beat pulse, heightening the sus- 
pense. But even more str i 
two-level playing field i ing a 
nique clear transport tube that carries 
your ball across the playfield on an up- 
per level, if you get it up the ramp just 
right. At the loss of the last ball, the 
mysterious Xenon lady from the infinity 
ackboard beckons you to try again. You 
will not resist her call. 

On the other hand, you ma 
the latest twist in a Space Ir 
of arcade video game. Midway': 
(about $2995) has the requisite number 
of aliens, noisily creeping closer while fir- 
you sporadically, and eventually, 
ns peel oll as star fighters, flying 
nd shooting at you at angles. Then 
they come at you in speeding squadrons 
of three. Keep your fingers glued to you 


STRATEGY GAMES 


A strategy game pits one player 
inst a microchip that has been pro- 
grammed to play as a humanlike oppo- 
nent. It differs from an action game іп 
that the computer gives you time to 


think and to plan and to figure out what 
the computer is thinking and planning. 

Owners of early generations of com- 
puterized strategy board games may have 
been dismayed when, six months later, 
a more powerful version of the gamc 
came out at the same price or lower. 
Obsolescence is a problem in just about 
everything electronic today, with the 
speed at which technology is racing to 
the market place. Applied Concepts, 
though, is doing something to soften the 
pact of technology changes in clec 
tronic board games with its Modular 
Game System (about $350, with chess 
program included). You can change game 
modules and key pads on its handsome 
main-frame unit. Since much of the basic 
electronics is shared from game to game, 
preprogrammed modules can turn the 
unit from checkers to blackjack to Lunar 
Lander in minutes. So, if someone de- 
velops a chess program better than 
today's top-rated 72.5," you can add it 
for about 580. 

Speaking of computer chess, there are 
three new games ol depending 
on your budget. Fir Fidelity Elec- 
tronic Voice Sensory Chess Challenger 
(about $360). Not only does it sense the 
movements of the pieces on the board 
when you lightly press them onto the 
designated squares, but it also confirms 
your movements and its own with an 
clectronically synthesized voice ("f 
G8 to F6, knight move"). 

The next step up doesn't spe 
it doesn't have any chess pieces, either. 
The threc-module Tryom Chess Cha 
pion Super System III (5750) has а 
wnique backlighted LCD display of a 
chessboard (like a tiny, flat TV screen) 
with detailed depictions of the chessmen. 
Plays are entered via push buttons on 
the main unit, which has its own four- 
digit LCD readout of the move (you can 
use the central unit alone with a chess- 
board and pieces). The third module of 
the system is a small printer that records 
each play and can print a picture of the 
board position any time during the game. 

At the top end, we find something 
right of sf. It’s cerie to watch 
the computer player in Applied Con- 
cepts’ Handroid (51500) literally pick 
up its h a mechanical arm and 
move it to the proper square. And when 
Handroid moves to take your тап, it 
takes your man and deposits the piece 


out 


in the bin. It's unnerving. Magnetic 
switches beneath the board sense all 
moves, obviating keyboard entry. A red 
LED display extends Handroid's per- 


h prompting sentences (it 
pied for checkers). And 
when the game is over, it even offers to 
shake hands. 


VIDEO GAMES 


Ping-pong-style video games now seem 
like ancient relics. That's how spoiled 


we lı 


ve become by programmable video 
games: Each time we change 590-590 
plug-in cartridges, the main unit instant- 
ly converts our color TV to a completely 
new game. 

Atari’s Video Computer System (about 
$200) was an carly entrant into the pro- 
grammable race, and the only one that 
stuck with it through thick and ul 
supporting the main unit with more 
more cartridges. There are now 40 to 
choose from. One of the best this y 
is an autorace game called Dodge * 
(529.05). You must go through all four 
Janes of the rectangular course, p 
up points along the way. The trick is to 
keep changing lanes to avoid a Lille 
going in the opposite direction 
(computer controlled. lor one player; 
opponent controlled for two pl 
Crashing into the other car three ı 
ends the game. And just when you think 
you are getting good at the game, a third 
phantom car (computer controlled) mul- 
tiplies your challenge 

To expand the challenges of the At 
ew company is offer- 
ing several compatible cartridges. Boxing 
(521.95) gives you an aerial view of two 
big-nosed. roundheaded fighters. Your 
joy stick maneuvers your boxer around 
the ring to fling as many punches in the 
nose as you can in two minutes. The 
sounds are real, the action for two play 
ers is quick. And you feel great when a 
long armed punch mashes your oppo- 
nent's face 

A relatively new pr 


ES 


ca 


unit Activision 


ammable game 


on the market (and one that is likely to 
stay) is Mattel’s Intellivision (about. 
5300). with about a dozen cartridges out 


Iready, Most of the games аге for two 
players only and offer good graphics and 
sound. One of the new cartridges, Se; 
Battle (about 530), starts off showin 


wide-angle acrial map. with a harbor on 
ach side of the screen and many islands 
between them. After selecting the make- 


up of your fleet with your controller, you 
set out to invade your opponent's harbor, 
while he comes after yours, I, alter 


maneuvering through the narrow chan- 
nels. a member of your leet comes with- 
in shooting range of an enemy vessel, 
the map suddenly zooms in for a close-up 
of the battle. With your controllers, you 
п and shoot to sink. Sea Battle is both 
tegy exercise and an action 

Two other programmable video. 
systems have found popularity of late 
The first is Odyssey? (S180), by Mag 
vos. The console has a touch-sensitive, 
typewriterlike keyboard for use with some 
basic math and spelling cartridges. And 
of the recent game caruidge additions, 
Pachinko (519.95) is the most unusual. 
Ihe second unit, APFs The Imagi 
m Machine (about $600), is part vide 
part personal computer. Twelve 
n cartridges are currently available, 
pace De- 


a 


a str 


COMPUTER-GAMES SOFTWARE 

As personal-computer makers 
seem to be temporarily abandoning the 
home users in favor of the more imme- 
diately lucrative hobbyist and small- 
business markets, the entertainment 
value of the home computer is being 
sidelined, too, with one notable excep- 
tion: Atari's Personal Computer System 
(51080 for the 800 model). In addition 


most 


to Ataris rapidly growing library of 
educational and home-management soft- 
ware, there are several popular action 


games with graphics. sound and play 
variations that rival their arcade video- 
game cousins costing much more. 


The Atari Space Invaders program 
(519.95). lor one or two players, is the 
most hair-raising one we've played. It is 


100 or the 
nal (580.05) 
cassette data player ге 4 
on any TV. You don't need to know any- 
thing about computers or programming. 
though, to get the aliens trompin 
your screen. Game 
speed change-ups on 


loaded into either the Model 
800 computer via the opti 
ler and v 


variations 
the aliens? 


Таке 
bombs and random angle shots designed. 


to 


st the n 
Invaders pla 
m produce the most menacing 
sion-building sounds we've heard. 

Маг Super Breakout (559.95) comes 
1 plug-in cartridge form for either com- 
puter model, More importantly, up to 
right players сап test their hand-eye 
coordination with this game. In the 
basic g I Breakout, you must pad- 
dle your ball up to the colored rows of 
"bricks" across the top of the screen 
Every time a brick. it disappears 
nd you collect points. The idea is to 
break through the wall and let your ball 
knock out all kinds of bricks from above, 


rves of the most avid Space 
ver. The aliens in this pro- 
nd 


ame 


where the points are high and the speed 


furious. What makes this cartridge 
"super" are the four game variations. 
The most addictive one is Progressive 
Breakout, which has the walls come ever 
lower (à la Space Invaders) while the 
bricks change colors and point values: 
high-value rows of bricks keep appear- 
at the top of the screen. Getting the 
ball between walls sends it on a capri- 

point spree. And the longer you 
p a ball going. the faster the bricks 
descend. The computer scorekeeper rates 
cach player's performance at the end of 
the game (Oops through Best). Super 
Breakout is a rare game that is equally 
fun for one or a whole crowd. 

And. finally. the sight of your gasoline 
and utility bills arriving on the same 
day may set you off into a tirade on 
America’s energy crisis and your solu- 
tions for it. The Atari computer gives 


you a chance to prove your economic 
id political acumen with a simulation 
program called Energy Czar (514.9 
Your goal is to win high ratings in the 
publ polls while legislating 
prices, supplies, usage. taxes and environ- 


mental controls for each of ei 
es. You soon 1 about the intri- 
cacies of energy policies and the fickle- 
ness of a public that demands high 
growth. low inflation and a sale environ- 
ment. Watch out: B's a simple matter 
to bungle your job so that the nation 
runs out of a valuable resource, and 
you out of office. Or, after years of c 
ful legislation. you could be hailed 
national hero to the tunc of Happy Days 
Are Here Again. 

In the meantime, the 
games to keep you entert 
side, with lots of cleci 


1м energy 


€ are enough 
ned at hearth- 
ic fun ahead. 


“And my third wish is that all this be tax-exempt.” 


167 


PLAYBOY 


TOM SNYDER (continued from page 156) 


audience has to hear anything about them. 
PLAYBOY: Do you like what Donahue is 
doing? 

SNYDER: Donahue has seen daylight and 
he has run for it beautifully. There isn't 
anybody I've scen on television who is 
able to relate to a studio audience as 
well as Donahue. I was on his progr 
nd he is awesome in his comme 
of the people i studio. But 
always make: 

portun gs that he w 
10 say. Не" I think he has 
most become the surrogate husband 
for legions of women who have never 
had conversations with their husbands 
on certain topies—such as birth control, 
tra lism, the use of V m and 
sleeping pills, and on and on. They can 
participate im а conversation about 
something that is really on their minds, 
without having to confront the old man 
when he comes home at five o'clock and 


once, 


ssexu 


probably isn't considerate enough to talk 
about it, 
PLAYBOY: Going back to the original 


Tonight Show host, what are your feel- 
ings about Steve Allen? 

SNYDER: Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, 
Steve, Steve. I mean, I grew up with 
Steve Allen. When I a kid, he was 
the first host of The Tonight Show. I 
like Steve Allen. 1 don't want Steve to 
be mad at me, but I think it has passed 
Steve by. 

PLAYBOY: Do you think there are too 
many talk show: 
SNYDER: Yes, there are too many talk 
shows on the air, because it’s the cheap- 
est kind of TV program to produce and 
to syndicate and to make the most mon- 
cy on. But, in my view, we have enough 
talk shows. We don't need Today. To- 
night and Tomorrow. and Good Morn- 
ing America, and Meet the Press, and 
Face the Nation, and Issues and Answers, 
and John Davidson, and Mike T 
and Mery Griffin. 
Toni Tennille. Th y 
guests! [t's the fault of the quick-buck 
tists. What's going to happen is, one by 
they're going to go! 

PLAYBOY: You aln 
SNYDER: It's not that Fm angry or even 
upset. I'm concerned, because my live 
hood depends upon the continuation of 
the talk show as a television form. If 
they continue to proliferate, it weakens 
all of us and dilutes the elfectiveness. 
PLAYBOY: Do you resent the [aet that 
they're rippin; at thats al- 
ready been done? 

SNYDER: You've got me in a box here. I 
don't want to start a war here or piss all 
over other people. That's never been my 


Steve, 


pst sound д 


amy. 


off a lot 


168 intention. And the people who do those 


shows that we mentioned work very, very 
hard, and their motivation, I'm sure, is 
honest. But, if they're pissed off, I can't 
help it! 

PLAYBOY: Speaking of pissed oll, are you 
nd Mike Wallace feuding? 

SNYDER: I've made some comments about 
Mike Wallace that may have sounded 
disparaging, but they weren't intended 
to be. But let's never forget that Mike 
Wallace enjoys pouncing on people. 
"Are those your undershorts?” You 
know, that kind o£ stulf. "s not my 
particular kind of questioning tack. How 
would Mike Wallace like it if he were 
to come on a show and we forever 
dredged up the fact that he used to sell 
cigarettes on TV? Or that he did quiz 
shows? Or that he used to be the an- 
nouncer for a newsreel and at one par- 
ticular point in time was extolling the 
virtues of sending men to Vietnam to 
keep that country free? None of what 
Mike Wallace did was а mortal sin nor 


“How would Mike Wallace 
like it if we forever dredged 
up the fact that he used to 
sell cigarettes on TV? Or 


that he did quiz shows?” 


does it disqualify him from doing w 
he does now. It’s all part of his grow 
up. his maturing and building his rep 
tation in the business. I mean, there are 
video tapes of me hosting something 
called the Channel 3 Dance Party on 
WSAV-TV in Savannah. It was awful 
and I wish I had never done it. 

PLAYBOY: It sounds like you've always 
been something of a ham. How far back 
does it go—to high school? 

SNYDER: Absolutely. 

PLAYBOY: The star of the school play? 
SNYDER: A star of unbelievable propor- 
tions. We had one hell of a high school 
dramatics program, because we did shows 
like Harvey, Home of the Brave. In my 
senior year, we did Stalag 17. 1 played 
a dead. I was 64” tall and weighed 200 
pounds and had a potbelly. 1 had to 
play Animal Stalag 17 was sort of a 
comedy. You know, people have cari 
tured my laugh. I love to laugh and I 
love to make people laugh, I was 16 
years old with an audience of 1200 
people and because of the lines I spoke, 
people would laugh and applaud and 
respond. That was heady wine. Like 
shooting heroin into my veins. 1 loved it. 
PLAYBOY: What was your dream as a kid? 


ng 


SNYDER: To someday be the news anchor 
man on WTM J in Milwaukee. 

PLAYBOY: By now you must have made 
your parents proud. Are they still alive? 
SNYDER: My moth alive and lives in 
Milwaukee, and she enjoys my success 
greatly, as all mothers do. My father died 
іп 1974, which was a difficult time. It i 
ore difficult for me now then it м 
at the time. 

PLAYBOY: Why? 

SNYDER: Well. when my father died, 1 
was caught up in trying to be a TV star. 
You know, that's how dumb we are when 
were younger, although that was only 
six years ago. But I was working in L.A 
and I was starting to think about New 
York 24 hours a day. And on. May 28 
1974, my father died. I won an Emmy 
Award and I n stopped to say. "You 
know. my lather died." I went in and 
did that show. The next day, I got on a 
plane and substituted for Frank McGee, 
who had died, on the Today show. 
PLAYBOY: Why are you upset now about 
that? 

SNYDER: Looking back, I say to myself 
Why the hell did 1 come here and do 
ah goddamned Today show? 1 lost 
my father, for heaven's sake. 1 lost my 
link with my whole past. with my an- 
cestors, with my family tree! But I didn't 
have time for that, because I was so 
goddamned busy trying to be a televi- 
sion star. And it was bullshit! I should 
п some time to reflect upon my 
nd the fact that I never got to 
know him as well as I should have. I was 
so caught up in television and in doing 
what NBC wanted that I didn't stop 
and think. 

PLAYBOY: Thinking about it now, what 
was the most important thing your 
father left you? 

SNYDER: The one great leg 
father was that I never had to worry 
about topping him 

PLAYBOY: What was his profession? 
SNYDER: In the best sense of the word. he 
was a salesman all his life, He was a 
peddler, My father successful in his 


[athe 


y of my 


own w but it was never success that 
1 10 be competed with. If you are a 
child of Nelson Rockefeller's, how do 


you top that? If your father is President 
of the United States or president of 
NBC, or if your father is Bob Hope or 
Johnny Carson or Walter Cronkite, how 
do you top that success? And, in my 
time, a boy especially competed with his 
old man. 

PLAYBOY: How did you get along with 
your parents? 

SNYDER: For years, my father wanted me 
to be a doctor, 1 have an uncle who is a 
doctor. 1 enrolled in the premed course 
at Marquette University because I wa 
my lather sy. Well, after 
one semester, ] knew J did not want to 
be a doctor, 1 dissected the first frog and 


living o s fa 


PLAYBOY 


170 


Fuck, this I don’! want to do. I 
nt to know nothing about what 
goes on inside the human body." 
PLAYBOY: What did interest you? 
SNYDER: I was always interested in tape 
phonographs. microphones, 
ions, television—that was what 
1 had a great interest in and love for. 
So I had this great confrontation with 
my father. The day I told him I wanted 
alism school was a 
jon for him, too. be- 
cause he then realized that his first-born 
male was not going to be a doctor. When 
he accepted that, he was very supportive. 
PLAYBOY: Was he supportive throughout 
your college days? 
SNYDER: I was a child of the Fifties and 
did not complete college; therefore, I 
thought I wasn't going to become a great 
success. To the everlasting amazement 
of all the people in my family and all 
the people E went to school with, I got 
so fucking lucky it’s a joke. And it has 
nothing at all to do with my intelligence, 
with whether I went to colli 
all it has to do with is that I happen to 
look pretty good on television and I 
able to make my mouth oper: 
words come out without appe: 
nervous. And that is, in my mind. no 
great accomplishment: but to some, it is 
a uemendous accomplishment. 
PLAYBOY: Does it bother you that you 
didn't graduate Irom college? 
SNYDER: No. It used to make me uptight. 
I used to be very defensive about it, 
because I found that many of the people 
I worked with had graduated. Aud the 
more 1 perceived them, the more I real- 
ized that they жегені any smarter Шап 
L that they didn't have any answers to 
problems quicker th 11. 
PLAYBOY: Why didn't you graduat 
SNYDER: My grades were never that good. 
I got mixed up in academic politics with 
melligence 1 did not 
think was as good as mine at the time 
And since I have grown older, my orig- 
inal opinion is confirmed. I got mixed 
up with some very dumb and some very 
venal professors who had absolutely no 
business making judgments on my abil- 
ities or anybody else's abilities. They 
themselves didn't know what qualified 
one for an A or what qualified one for 
2 F, But they were the professors and, 
therefore, you had to accede to their 
desires, and I didn't want to do that 
PLAYBOY: Don't you e a younger 
brother 
SNYDER: Yes, and he. too, is not a doctor. 
A double whammy lor my father. 
PLAYBOY: Arc you close to your brother? 
We are six years apart. 
I left home in Milwaukee, 1 was 
nd he was only 15. We speak on the 
с always lived 


xe or not— 


n I, easier tl 


professors whose 


"n 
telephone now, but we h 
in disparate locations. He lives 
now. Нез the one who did graduate 


in Di 


from college, after generations of Sny- 
ders’ trying to graduate [rom college. 
He's a successful businessm: has a 
wonderful wife and son who are de: 
people. Recently, we talked on the 
phone and he said, “You know, I'm get- 
ting goddamn sick and tired of people 
asking me if 1 am your brother and if I 
am on television.” 

PLAYBOY: Can you empathize with him? 
SNYDER: Sure. I love him and I know 
what he is saying to me. Just as when I 
was married. You know, it was horrible 
for my wile, because wherever we would 
go. she was just somebody who was with 
Tom Snyder in the minds of people who 
would see us because I worked on tele- 
vision. It is hard to be in the family of 
somebody who is in a visible occupation 
and who receives recogn 
PLAYBOY: What caused your m 
break up? 

SNYDER: That is something I am not go- 
ng to respond to, because 1 made her 
a promise when our marriage ended 
not to drag it through publication. I 
don't talk about her, she doesn't. talk. 


riage to 


"I'm not good at one- 
night stands. I like 
flowers, I like violins, 
I like holding hands. But 


Jor now, I'm giving 


divorce a chance." 


about me. She has a lile with privacy and 
I have my lile and my privacy 
PLAYBOY: Since you're a bachelor ag: 
do you go to singles gatherings? 
SNYDER: When I moved to New York and 
my wile and I separated, for about six 
months 1 went to those gatherings and 
I had the eye out for this and that lady. 
At that time, I was not a great believer 
in celibacy. But I'm not good at onc- 
ght stands. And after 17 years of mar- 
riage, I'm not out fucking everything I 
с I like flowers, I like violins, I like 
holding hands. But for now, I'm giving 
divorce a chance. 

PLAYBOY: Are you really interested in 
only three things—golf, bridge and toy 
trams? 
SNYDER: my three 
like to play bridge, I like to play golf. I 
like electric trains. I like friends. I like 
a restaurant. | go to a movie. | go to 
a plas 
PLAYBOY: Are most of your friends in 
show business? 

SNYDER: Most of my good friends are in 
the television business. I have a friend 
who is the publisher of Modern Bride 


Those are nterests. I 


. another who is a cosmetic 
nother who runs a meat-p 
ing plant in Los Angeles. 


stick together—and we do, wi 
cannish—is that when you are with 
people who are not in the industry, they 
know far better than you how to run it. 
And I learned сапу on T don't want to 
spend an evening discussing what's 
wrong with the television industry. 
PLAYBOY: We understand. So. Tom, 
what's wrong with the television in- 
dustry? 
SNYDER: It's all the same between eight 
and eleven o'clock at night. There's a 
certain formula to it. There will never 
be any new ideas, or there'll be very few 
v ideas. There's very little great wr 
ing d y more, The 
Honeymooners fantastic g- 
But everything has got to be incredible 
or unbelievable. For all the guff that 
Silverman has taken. Lifeline was a tre 
mendous idea. Live from Studio SH, 
with Zubin Mehta and the Philhar- 
monic, is a fine idea in theory: in prac- 
tice, it’s a lousy idea, Because the minute 
you say cultural. something happens in 
the minds of the electorate out there. 
Live from Studio SH mi пеп 
only a nine or ten share of the audience. 
which translates to 8,000,000, 9,000,000, 
10,000,000 people. That's a very valuable 
audience for somebody. for some adver- 
tiser. More people than read The New 
York Times every day. than read Ne 
week and Time, than read any publica- 
tion, saw that program. Yet, in terms of 
its success aga program seen by 
75.000.000 people. they say the one that 
got only 10.000.000 people is a dud. 
How many millions do you have to have 
you say, “This program has a 
eU? We've made television 
into something where people think they 
have to sit down in Iront ol it and be 
hyped. be excited, be almost. orgasmic 
because they're watching a certain show. 
PLAYBOY: Why do you think it has come 
to that? 
SNYDER: It’s the win syndrome 
money syndrome. Dollars, revenue. 


e on telev 


writ 


was 


have 


- 


п а 


ad the 


AL 


though most Americans read about TV 
in terms of whats on the air or who's 
getting fired, the executive m ¡gements 


of all three networks are really con- 
cerned about the financial pages and 
profits. They all speak in terms of qual- 
ity TV and being responsive to public 
need, but what they really respond. to 
are the annual financial reports that arc 
given at stockhold clings. That's 
the bottom line—the money 
PLAYBOY: Why do you think that's wrong? 
SNYDER: I's wrong when you become so 
preoccupied with earning money by at- 
ting audiences for programs that are 
not really substantive or of quality. Does 
every program have to have an enormous 


rating and make tons of money 

like Unit 

Lifeline—of value and quality tha 

kept on the air even though they fail, 

simply because they should be there? 

PLAYBOY: Do you think cable TV will 
ange that? 


the be a few 


TV programs lor vi 
of the three networks is 
Theres no question about it. as tech 
nology continues. T think the day of huge 
ratings will soon end. [Us like the man 
who says, “E want to make $75,000,000." 
and works himself into a heart attack. 
as against the шап who makes only 
510.000.000 and lives a happy life. 
PLAYBOY: What do you think of Ted 
Turner and his CNN network? 

SNYDER: Ted Turners a good man and 
he’s on to something —CNN, Cable News 
Network. But right now. watching CNN 
is like watching local news in a middle 
ei. not a top market. He's got to 
atıract advertisers to support. all those 
correspondents. anchor people, film 


crews, etc. I just wonder whether there 
is a real market. an expanding market 
beyond the 2.000.000 homes he has. 


What would happen if. down the road. 
Turner's cgo would allow him to merge 
ty Oils network—with sports 
wies? И Turner brought his news 
ion and his baseball team into a 
real supernetwork am with Getty's, 
that combined technology would be a 
blockbuster. They could come on the 
а six вм. with of news. fol- 
lowed by a live 
football or basketball game fr 
to followed by a firstrun movie 
from nine to eleven, with another hour 
of news Irom eleven to twelve, and then 
another Raated blockbuster movie at 
midnight. With that. I think you could 
say goodbye. ABC. goodbye, CBS. and 
goodbye, jiggle TV. It’s awesome when 
you think of the possibilities of what 
those two corporations could bring in 
terms of cable service 10 America if they 
their products 


decided 10 consolidate 
and their technology 
PLAYBOY: Wonld you consider working 
for cable someday? 

SNYDER: Yes, that's а possibility 

PLAYBOY: Do you think TV critics might 
give you as hard a time if you did that 
as they do now? 
SNYDER: Well. the 
1 


re some who Mie 
mad i 


writen thi 
jurious to me, There's one in 
who coined the phrase 
dog." which hurt me 
NBC. That sa 


ticular 
lilornia hot 
eat de; 
ңе! 
to New rk to work 
avs. it would send John € 
lor scurrying lor his bottle of 3 
Look, if you want to call me a jerk 


if you'd likea poster of these two gentlemen for your bar, drop us a line. 


JACK DANIEL AND HIS NEPHEW, Lem 
Motlow, disagreed on most everything. 
Until ít came to making whiskey. 


Mr. Jack (that’s him on the left) was a fancy 
dresser. So Lem refused to wear a tie! But they 
both insisted on mellowing their whiskey 
through huge vats of charcoal before aging. 
And we're about the only 
distillery who still does it 
that way today. You see, Mr. 
Jack once said, ‘Every day 
we make it, we'll make it 
the best we can.” And nei 
ther Lem nor anybody else į 
ever disagreed with that. 


CHARCOAL 
MELLOWED 


б 


DROP 


0 


BY DROP 


Tennessee Whiskey + 90 Proof • Distilled and Bottled by Jack Daniel Distillery 
Lem Motlow, Prop., Inc., Route 1, Lynchburg (Pop. 361), Tennessee 37352 
Placed in the National Register of Historic Places by the United States Government. 171 


PLAYBOY 


172 


based upon what I do on the a 
fine. But to write that I'm a fraud with- 
ош even knowing me, that’s hurtful. 
PLAYBOY: In general, how would you 
€ icterize TV critics today 
SNYDER: Well, the old-line critics are 
those guys at the newspapers who had 
trouble covering news or who had trou- 
ble handling the boule, And so they 
were assigned to places where they 
couldn't do m. And that's 
where a lot of them still are. But more 
and more, the younger crop of people 
who are assigned to cover telev 
view itas a legitimate assignment. which 
it is. They report on trends in TV. the 
personalities and how they relate to the 
whole business of telev 
know, television crit m 
ing upon whether or not somebody ha 
crooked teeth or a funny nose. 

PLAYBOY: What is it that you're self-con 
scious about? 

have a gray spot on the side of 
my head and I don't care to be photo- 
graphed from that side. I'm 
about it. Из dumb, 
scious about it. 


much ha 


self-con- 
but Fm 


baseball when I was 13, people have 
been sa “What's wrong with your 
re very impressionable, 
and in my mind. I thought, There's 
something wrong with my hair over 
there. Now, th Шу 115 just 
at it’s a different color. I've been called 
Old Paint. Old Spot. all that stuff. 

PLAYBOY: One of the highest-rated TV 
ar is the Miss America 
This past year, you were a 


isn't. 


e re 


pageant. 


judge. Didn't you fed silly doing that? 
SNYDER: It's very fashionable to knock 
the pageant and T was one of those who 


knocked it loudest. I thought it was bull- 
shit, frivolous, But, you know, it is the 
Rose Bowl. It is the Super Bowl for 
those young ladies. They don't get to go 
out and have scholarships and n fo 
glory on New Year's Day. This is it. 
PLAYBOY: Did any part of that pageant 
bother you 

SNYDER: Well, judging the swimsuit part 
of the pageant, I was embarrassed to 
look at those girls іп bathing suits in 
1. 1 kept seeing my 
And 1 kept seeing her 
parents sitting somewhere in that hall. I 
felt, as a man, embarrassed to have to 
judge somebody on a qualification over 
which sh » control. People 
help the way they look, basically 
verted your eyes dui 
is that 


PLAYBOY: So you 
ing the swimsuit competition 


wha 


[Laughs] I looked them in the 
only in the eye. I suppose I was 
being remiss as a judge. 1 even sug 


gested to the ch 
that I mig 


n of the judges 
est. I felt that 


suit competition out on the beach, OK; 
but not in Convention Hall. It was just, 
to my way of thinking, out of whack. 
PLAYBOY: Let's go back to TV ne 
do you think will repla 
NBC's news anchor? 
SNYDER: It's no great big secret. It's ob- 
us if you read the papers and the 


Mudd. But they make such a great big 
secret out of it. Being "talent" for NBC 
network, you're kept guess- 


know if I was gonna host the new To- 
morrow show—I read Steve Allen or 
Dick Clark or somebody else would host 
it. Well, they finally called—six weeks 
after I read all this shit in the papers, 
they said, “Well, hey. that was all bull- 
shit; we were just trying to get our minds 
made up.” But you tell me why they 
operate that way, because 1 don't know. 
PLAYBOY: What do you think of women 
as anchor persons? 


— 
"It's highly possible that 
the vole of anchor person 

is not meant to be 
played by a woman. That 
is my own theory." 


SNYDER: We probably will have an anchor 
woman on the network news, on a reg- 
ағ basis—aside from the weckends— 
ht now, weekends ге the 
convenient dumping ground. For in- 
stance, Jane Pauley and Jessica Savitch 
on NBC. However, in the presentation 
of this program we call Nightly News, 
it’s highly possible that the role of an- 
chor person is not meant to be played 
by a woman. That is my own theor 
PLAYBOY: Any grounds for that theory? 
SNYDER: Well. g watched Barb: 
Walters go through the agony of 
ing the news at ABC and having watched 
the way women are cast as anchors on 
local news programs—they аге neve 
there alone—irs always boy-girl. The 
day of the single anchor man on loi 
news is don't know why, bu 
when I see them side by side, the woman 
always appears to be uncomfortabl 
There is something coming through the 
tube that says to me she's just not right 
for the part. 

PLAYBOY: Isn't that rather ch: 
SNYDER: Yes, 
will be shot to smithereens, I would love 
to see, for example, a station that docs 


a 


acho: 


gone, | 


inistic? 
ad I really hope my theory 


two hours of news have one anchor 
person for each hour, with a woman ( 
all by herself, without some guy sitti 
the give you the impression she 
can't carry it alone. 
PLAYBOY: Do you think tl 
made uncomtortable co 
ABC news with Harry Rea 
SNYDER: Absolutely. 
PLAYBOY: Might she have done better 
alone? 

SNYDER: Possibly. I said 1974, after 
Frank McGee died. “Why go through 
this bullshit of finding a cohost of the 
Today show with Walters? Why not let 
Barbara do the show alone as host?" God 
pws, she had been doing it for a long 
me, and to people who watch that. pro- 
gram. she was the Today show. 

PLAYBOY: What's wrong with the Today 
show these days? 

SNYDER: It's tired. 

PLAYBOY: What about Jane Pauley? 
SNYDER: I'm really not qualified to com 
ment on her we She had a toi 
to follow. ny. she is still following 
Walter Us hard to do. 

PLAYBOY: Speaking of Walters reminds 
us of her ij ii 
What would you 
SNYDER: I would like to talk with him as 
son, rather than as a politician, and 
лу, “Hey, listen, Dick, how did this 
thing get so fucked up?" Because he is 


at Walters was 
anchoring the 


soner? 


dumb man. I would like to get 
something of his feelings. 
PLAYBOY: What are your politics 


SNYDER: In all the years I've voted 
Presidential elections or in those for 
mayor or Congress, I've usually voted 
for the person who was the more liberal. 
And. like many of the people who have 
done that for the past 20 years, I'm very 
frustrated, because all the things they've 
promised me have not come to pass. You 
know, we don't have equal opportunity, 


don't have all 
those things they said they were gonna 
deliver to us. I'm very frustrated by it. 
PLAYBOY: Нау it occurred. 10 you 
that if you got into politics, you would 
have quite a platform? 
SNYDER: Not really, because the platform 
ephemeral—that of tele 
And I don't have the disci 
pline—mental or physical—to run for 
office. I don't think Im smart enough. 
And 1 wouldn't want my life opened up 
as you do when you run for 
political office. You've got to talk 
why you got divorced, your marriage, 
your finances. Why, Га have to defend 
why I didn't get a college degree. I think 
I can watch it and comment on it, but 
I don't know if I could do it. 

PLAYBOY: Has your respect for political 
leaders increased or diminished after sec. 
ing them close up: 


ever 


vision show, 


have t 


bout 


"Cheese!" 


173 


PLAYBOY 


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SNYDER: Diminished. 
PLAYBOY: What angers you most about 
people? 

SNYDER: I don't like to be lied to or 
conned. I don't like surprises or to be 
told one thing and then something else 
happens. I'm not talking so much about 
on the air as I am off the air—in my 
dealings with my colleagues at NBC. 
PLAYBOY: Do you have any fears? 

SNYDER: No, not about my carecr. I don’t 
wonder where my next job is coming 
from and I don't have any great appre 
hensions about whether or not the To- 
morrow show goes off the air. I don't 
fear for tomorrow, small T, meaning the 
future, and I don't wonder what telev 
ion holds in store for me beyond this 
program. I really want this to be it. Гн 
not running for office. But there are 
times when Em afraid for myself and my 
own personal safety. And my privacy. 
PLAYBOY: Would you give us example: 
SNYDER: There've been occasions when 
Тус been walking on a darkened street 
at night and all of a sudden ГИ hear 
two people g up behind me and 
I get very, very frightened. As it turned 
out, they wanted autographs. I 
scared to death. I've had telephone са 
to the office or to the security depart 
ment that Snyder is going to be attacked 
on his way home tonight. that there's 
going to bc a bomb in his car, that sort 
of thing. Anybody can walk into my 
office, but Silverman and the executives 
are protected behind a glass door with 
buzzers and there are security people 
there at all times. so, apparently, their 
lives and their safety are more valuable 
10 NBC than minc. 

PLAYBOY: Do you think of yourself as an 
eccentric? 

SNYDER: Yes, I'm strange, I am str 
Im a loner. I don't do well in 


nn 


crowds of people. My house is full of 
toys. All the computer games, the electric 
Monopoly 


trains, the bears, 
rds, backg 


mean, I love 


Teddy 
патоп games, airplanes: 1 
l that stufl—gadgetry, 
things. I'm crazy that way. Most of my 
leisure time piddling 
around with things that high school kids 
play with. And I suppose that would 
make me an eccentric person 

PLAYBOY: Are you also a loner? 

SNYDER: Yes. I dont like to be w 
groups of people. 1 enjoy playing golf 
in foursomes, but also by myself on 
occasion. And I ask the caddie to please 
walk 50 steps behind me, because I want 
to be aloi 


js devoted to 


Do you ever get lonely? 

No. 1 get lonesome, but there is 
a difference. You know, lonesome means 
you want somebody around. Lonely 
means you are really unhappy with your- 
sell. I never want for something to do. I 
don't have periods when 1 sit and think 
about being alone. 


PLAYBOY: What do you do when you go 
out to have funz 

SNYDER: 1 don't do things people gossip 
about. I don't snort cocaine, 1 don't go 
to discothèques, 1 don't go to the clubs 
here in w York where the beautiful 
people are seen. I don't go to a lot of 
parties. I don't entertain. women who 
n the news, so they can say in the 
ns, "Hey, Tom was out 

at Regine's with so-and-so,” or “He got 
shitfaced at Studio 54 with so-and-so.” 1 
just don't do those things. Suzy isn't 
interested in reporting that Tom 
hogeyed the 18th hole yesterday and 
threw his sandwich down in disgust. | 
mean, that's not great gossip! Of course, 
I do go roller-skating. I go to Central 
Park. I have street skates. 
PLAYBOY: Have you been recogs 
skates? 

SNYDER: Not too much. I pur sunglasses 
round 


ed оп 


on and my hair is all blowing 
xb 1 wear old funky dothes and look 
sweaty and dirty. And that's what I 
sometimes do on a date 

PLAYBOY: What misconceptions do you 
think people have about you? 
SNYDER: Probably a lot of people think 
that what 1 do for a living is easy. That 
I don't work very hard, That 1 don't 
have any feelings lor some of the people 
who come on. They describe me as in- 
e, boorish, arrogant. But mot 


sen 
alool. 

PLAYBOY- 
yourself? 
SNYDER: I have always considered myself 
through this 


And how do уон consider 


just an ordinary guy goin, 
thing called life and I'm fortunate enough 
to have a little television program. 
PLAYBOY: Have you [elt yourself aging 
over the seven years you've been doing 
your liule television program? 

SNYDER: Yes. and it’s going to keep hap- 
pening to me. We think, Well. іг not 
oing to happen to me. I'm nol going 
to get gray. I'm not going to feel my 
chest slip down to my waistline. But I'm 
starting to feel it, and there's nothin 
I can do about it. I don't fight it any 
more. But it’s scary, especially when I 
see some ol those carly shows and look 
back and хау, “Jesus God Almighty. . . . 
What it really brings home to me ii 
"Good God. it’s been a long timi 
Scven years! 
PLAYBOY: Would you 
time? 

SNYDER: The doors are closed. Remember 
that great movie campaign alter World 
War Two—"Gable's back and Garson's 
got him”? Well, I had this great fantasy 
of going back to Los Angeles when the 
d my days at NBC 
here in New York nd going 
to a dillerent station. “Snyder's back and 
channel two's got him." But it’s a fan 
шау, because I can't go back. I can't go 


back! 
а 


e to go back in 


Tomorraw show 


over, 


MIDDLESIZE SEXY 


(continued from page 128) 


the 


gas cru everything 
aged. Riders began to vie th 
motorcycles as a necessary form of tr; 


portation. Bikes are fucl efficient 
more miles riders logged, the more they 
realized that the bikes weren't behaving. 
There had to be something better. 

In Europe, mid-size bikes are an end 
and of themselves. They are not step- 
pingstones to something 
typical European rider ri 
a Ducati 500 or a BMW 450, 
v trade-offs: it h 
ement, three quart 
nd a sliver of the horsepower of 
t 60 mph on 
ttle bugger 
a bigger bike alive, literally rid- 
cles around the behemoth. For 
two thirds the price, you get a bike that 
delivers 80-90 percent of the perform- 
се of the superbike- 
apan responded, at least in pa 
n still buy one of the custom spec 
but it would be better if you checked out 
Japan's latest. off gs. The new gen- 
eration of mid-size cycles are high-per- 
. Styled in the tr 
cers in Europe. The riding 
+ the slight forward 
puts you right in the center of 
tion, the sweet spot. You «тош into 
the curves, your senses open to the feed- 
back the bike gives you about the road 
A friend of mine once said that your 
riding experience is essentially your ex- 
perience of the machine. Going 60 miles 
an hour on a chopper is not the same as 
going 60 mph on a KZ 550GP. A pound 
of pig iron is different hom a pound of 
cast alum n. The mid-size cycles are 
light, fast. effortless, responsive. When 
you throw a big bike into a corner, you 
have to deal with the sheer mass ol the 
beast—the 500 or so pounds of steel 
longing nder off on a tangent. You 
have to ¢ your line carefully, com- 
mit the bike and hope that nothing 
unexpected happens between you and 
the other side of the curve. 15 not un- 
like maneuvering a battleship, or a bat 
de star. In conu ze bikes 
seem almost weightless. A ride becomes 
y exercise in speed. line. intention. The 
bikes do exacily what you tell them to— 
without complaint or ideas of their ow 
You feel alive. You scamper down can- 
von roads or tapdance through city 
streets. What you lose in momentu 
you make up for in magic. I you 
pur pow- 
ers of concentration and involvement at 
speeds this side of 100 mph, these bikes 
will suffice. Indeed, they will delight. 


the displ 
weight 


or 


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The Shy Man’s Way 
To Meet Girls 


“Most Men Are Too Busy Trying To Pick Up Girls To Meet Any” 


Don Ricci had always been shy with girls. 
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Ridgefield, CT 06877 


To Meet 
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PLAYBOY 


special parking spaces marked out for 
me in red." 

We entered 9570 Wilshire on our way 
to his wardrobe fitting for a new movie. 
"Watch," he said. "FH just say, ‘OK, 
OK, fine, fine, and it'll be over with.” I 
wondered why on carth anyone would 
even think of asking him to choose 
clothes. That's like asking Stevie Won- 
der to give you a haircut. 

But in 1, paneled office, pro- 
ducer Arthur (White Lightning, Gator) 
rdner had racks of clothes waiting for 
Car ine and didn't seem at all fearful 
of letting him make the choices. As ad- 
vertised, the fitting was quick and sim- 
ple. adine chose a red-checked shirt, 
ordinary-looking new blue jeans. his own 
Stuntmen's Association belt buckle, a 
conservative beaver with a little 


of a rake to the brim and a leather 


cker. Just to complete the picture, he 
even put on a pair of new cowboy boots. 

It was remar le how a few mod- 
erately priced clothes could clean him 
up. And 1 realized then what the effect 
had been when I first saw him bare- 
footed and wearing those destroyed blu 
jeans. It hadn't been a surprise at all. I 
had expected him to look that way. If 
he had been dressed in clean, pressed 
designer jeans, then I would have been 
shocked. “I'm Irish-American hip- 
pie,” he had told me and others, and 
while that was not the central truth, it 
certainly helped explain his choice (or 
lack of choice) in clothe: 

“This is just right," he was saying, 
looking in the mirror. "I don't want to 
look like the urban cowboy." He ex- 
amined the jacket with guarded approv- 
. It looked like something a cop might 
wear. “PI have to get the George Hamil 
ton out of this. 

“Pec on it,” Gardner suggested. 

Then he was supposed to shuck back 
nto his Thirt nd leave, 
but somehow they decided he should 
take the boots to break them in. Belor 
it was over, Carradine walked out with- 
out getting back into his own clothe: 
He was in costume for his next mor 
and he si 1 in costume the rest of the 
week. Maybe he still hasn't. nged. 

. 

Carradine's Laurel Canyon house com- 
mands a dizzying view of the haze above 
the city. It makes you feel as if you're in 
a space capsule, descending into an 

orange Jell-O mold. The floor of the 
main room upstairs is actually the deck 
of the U.S.S. Los Angeles, which Christo- 
176 pher Carradine somehow got hold of. He 


an 


s hobo outfit a 


DAVID CARRADINE |...» 


*He was in costume for his next movie and he stayed 
in costume the rest of the week.” 


also designed the house (“Somewhat re- 
luctantly, I think," David said). With its 
hall-empty tequila bottles and mı 


a place that had been hit by a [erocious 
bust just before we got there and had 
been stripped bare by hungry narcs and 


Actually, the Laurel Canyon house is 
the Mata Hari house, Mata Hari being 
the movie with the 15-year shooting 
schedule. Carradine's eldest, Calista, 
plays Mata Hari, and the schedule was 
created to cover her life from the age of 
15 through the age of 30. They shoot 
two weeks each year. 

"The reason ] chose Mata Ha 
rradine said, alternately sipping from 
pint of tequila and hitting the br 
full of grass, “is because it’s a woman, 
and if there is one thing I don't under- 
nd. that’s it. And Гуе got a daughter 
ad it’s really difhcult to be a father to 
her. The only way we can really get to- 
gether is to have this picnic eve 
Also, it's such a character, with 
the excesses you associate with that. 

Carradine. of c . play 
Its a very subliminally sex 
ship." he said. He threaded a reel onto 
the Movic 
we watched the tiny, flickering screen. 
Calista was stunningly beautiful, sitting 
at a desk, reading a letter, and I couldn't 
help thinking of Vermeer, Noth 
ly happened during the nine mi 
on that reel, except that she read 


arse 


his editing room and 


letter 
t a desk, but it was almost unbearably 


erotic. It was fascinating to speculate on 
the depth of Carradine's motivations for 
setting a 15-year shooting schedule with 
his first-born daughter, thereby more or 
less capturing her for the most critical 
portion of her life. 

“The film is erotic as hell,” he said. 
“You've got 11-year-old girls in flagrante 
and we just recently shot Mata H 
pregnant—and she really was pregnant. 
He was referring to Calista's new baby, 
who had just made him a grandfather, 
“L think it’s a firs—a nude pregna 
scene, Or a pregnant nude scene. 1 do: 
know which.” He smiled. “We shot the 
pregnancy partly because Т didn't w 
to miss a shoot. 

The tequila and grass had made him 
thirsty and he went into the kitchen, 
which was outfitted with the brass fis 
tures from yet other once-noble ships. 
He stood at the sink, trying to open a 
1 of fruit juice with a great butcher 
knife, king mad swings at it like 
Anthony Perkins in Psycho. I couldn't 


watch. I just turned away, thinking how 
very deep in it would be to have the 
opportunity to tie off an open arterial 
hemorrhage and then drive C: line's 
Ferrari to the hospital while he bled to 
death beside me. When I turned around 
at a sound I took to be metal gouging 
bone, I found that he'd wrenched two 
jagged puncture wounds in the can and 
was unsteadily pouring us jui 

I had already had plenty of time to 
wonder if being deep in was a pose with 
arradine, and I was beginning to be- 
lieve it was not. I remembered back in 
September 1974 seeing an item in the 
newspapers about him. It seems he broke 
into a neighbors house and left his 
piano covered with blood, his furniture 


upset and his windows broken. Carra- 
dine told me that he had been at an 
Indian peyote ceremony and had taken 


“something like 80 buttons” before the 
thing really got cranked up proper. 
Leaving aside the question of whether 
or not anyone could survive taking 80 
peyote butions, he related the following: 
I suddenly felt like General Custer and 
had to get out of there; I certainly 
wasn't worried about the police." 

So he went tearing up and down the 
neighborhood, looking for company. “1 
didnt м; to be alone," he said. He 
broke into several houses, but. nobody 
was home. Finally, he arrived at that last 
house and cut himself when he put his 
nd through the window. He started 
playing piano (of course) and then broke 
out of the house again to get home. And 
the whole time he told me that story, he 
didn't seem to think there w thing 
nge about it at all. 

I was beginning to see that that very 
fact was what made Carradine so strange 
and threatening to most people. Not so 
much that he did those cary things but 
that he didn't consider them the least 
odd. There was no remorse or em- 
harrassment. no attempt to conceal what 
he had done. You know the story: H you 
commit the crime intentionally, you're 
a minal. IE 1 commit it without 
getting a filter of selconsciousness over 
it. you're «ағу. If David Carradine had 
been just an ordinary fellow and had 
pulled that stunt in, say. Watts—or even 
in Akron, Ohio—he would right now be 

ither dead or in jail. Or he would have 


st 


gotten off on an insanity plea. But he 
not an ordinary fellow, He is a star. 
Y m; tude of his stardom should 


not be underestimated, either. Kung Fu 
is still shown all over the world. 

And now 1 was with him alone in 
Laurel Canyon. I can’t say he was drunk, 
but his eyes were taking turns doing the 
work of moving left and right and of 
arned (after all the 
hour driving he'd been do 
in the right seat) that he 
ve a driver's license—hasn't 
had опе since 1977, when he let it 


t something like 100 tickets 
outstanding," he said. 

I couldn't help wondering if having 
those court battles going on all the time 


didn’t make him a little nervous. "Look 
at the shah of Iran.” he said. "He's got 
cancer, he's a deposed monarch. There 


are all these people out to kill him. And 
he still goes to a 1 
life. That's how you have to do it.” I 
was going to say something, but 1 didn't. 
And two weeks later, the shah of Iran 
was dead. 


. 
A musical instrument 
me, now convincingly drunk, 
ıl metaphor for the universe. 
s thing right in the frontal 
upped his forehead—"and 
sends it through the nerves to these 
these fingers—and then 
He shook his head, as 
if he'd been punched from his blind side 
and was going to get up and fight. "IE 
you could ей te the body, you'd have 
pure philosophy 
I decided that he was trying to explain 
about being deep in. “The camera.” he 
said, "can see when you're making faces 
as opposed to acting. It looks right into 
your eyes and right through you and 
when you're doing it right, it can't see 
anything wrong. You can't hide. You 
have to be completely t rent. My 
father used to tell me that you had to be 
opaque, but I think you have to be 
wansparent. And I've been ying to 
be that way ever since." In other words, 
you approach the point where the mu 
istrument is climinated. 
Still, he seemed to think I 
more of an explanation. He grabbed a 
large blowup of a photograph taken dur- 
ing the shooting of The Long Riders. 
Three Garradines, two Keaches (James 
су) and а Quaid (Randy) rode 
ses full gallop. shooting their 
way out of a hopeless situation in North- 
field, Minnesota, where they'd been 
boxed in while robbing a bank. 
Carradine explained that at first he 
hadn't wanted to make the movie, that 
he did it asa to the 1 i 
volved. “I just thought 1 was supposed 
ton M. 
was ther 
wasn't even much of a part for me in 
the script.” He smiled as il even I would 
know better than to believe that bull- 
shit. “Then I stole the show 
He shook the photograph in my face. 
"Look at Jim,” he insisted. "Look how 
hard work Indeed, 1 hadn't 
noticed it before, but there was some- 
thing about Is expression, 
as if he we at face. “Now, look 
at Stacy.” § ked great. Ol 
course, he always does. 
leg. He was in terrible pi nd he was 
just trying to stay on his horse. Deep in. 
See it?" I nodded. 


needed. 


favor 


personal a 


he's 


Hed hurt his 


“Now, look at me. See that hat? 
the photograph, the wind whipping р 
1 flattened the brim up, lik 
y hat, and Carradine was rid- 
hard. He looked significantly fine in 
that picture. “I wanted that effect. It 
was on purpose. One of the problems 
you run into in cowboy pictures is your 
hatbrim is stiff and when you ride hard, 
the wind gets up under there and blows 
your hat off. Then you've ruined the 
shot, because it won't fit with the next 
shot if you don't have your hat on. I 
chose this soft hat and they s; would 
never make it through the picture. But 


it just folded up when I rode.” He 
smiled that thin smile. “I'm just tryin’ 
to stay on my horse and keep my gun 
loaded. that's all. 

A beat. "And my horse, of course. 
That's my picture horse; I use him when- 
ever I need a horse in a picture. He's 
an old cow pony. Most movie horses are 
ex-show horses. Mine is a real cow pony 
He had to chase cows all his life until 
he met me, and he thinks movies are the 
easiest thing he's ever seen.” 

There is a scene in The Long Riders 
in which the gang is holed up in a cabin 
and Pinkerton men outside shoot it to 


“Aside from poverty, chastily and obedience, 
he's a great monk." 


177 


PLAYBOY 


pieces with so much firepower that, as 
wrapped up in the movie as you might 
be, you can't help wondering how they 
did it. 


We used 5000 squibs in that 

dine explained. A squib is 
plosive cap that m 
look like a bullet is tearing into the 
wood. “To photograph the bullets from 
the inside of the door coming through, 
we got a lot of locals together and gave 
them real bullets and had them shoot the 


shit out of the door for When 
that part of the fi every- 
one went about his business and the 


rifles were stacked with the other props. 
Girls came and went, picking up the 
guns and playing cowboy offc: 
goofing around and pointing them 
one another. "And when the prop men 
broke down the rifles at the end of the 
day, they all 1 


off." 
He said it as if it would have been just 
delicious. 

I don't know whether Carradine al- 
ready knew what was going to happen 
or if it was just a coincidence. You hang 
out with him for very long and you'll 
begin to believe his connections are good 
downtown and maybe even better in 
other worlds. But he insisted I drive the 
Ferrari home to Malibu, as if I might as 
well get a hand in before the entire trip 


went to hell. It was full night when I 


flipped on the auxiliary fuel pump and 
headed out. By the time we hit Kanan 
Road up in the mountains. 1 more or 
less had the feel of it (71 liked the way 
you got into first there.” he said, “most 
people can't do that"). But | wasn't 
bout to attempt anything like the way 
Carradine drove. | hit maybe 95 in 
places—real flat, open places. Anyway 
don't have the chops for it: Гуе handled 
only one aguely like 
that 330G TS 
As Т drow 


her 


dine kept talking 


about how careful he had to be with his 
Ferrai 


‚ because his eight other cars were 
the shop and this was his real every- 
day car now. He said he drove it slowly 
(slowly?) because it got nearly ten miles 
to the gallon that way. 

When we got home, we were only 
about four hours late for dinner and 
Linda wasn't speaking to us. She went to 
bed and we drank a 1975 Château 
Marga h the reheated chicken and 
rocklike potatoes. 


wi 


. 

Sunday morning we were supposed to 
get ready and head over to Keith's. It 
was going to be a big deal. Other Carra- 
dine brothers would be there. Walter 
Hill, who directed. The Long Riders, 
would be there. But already the day 
ned. For one thing, 
c. Linda decided 


wasn't going as pl 
Carradine was not aw 


178 he needed the sleep and, besides, there 


were errands to run before we could 
leave for Keith's. Wednesday there was 
going to be a big screening of Americana 
for the industry heavies, who would de- 
cide whether or not to distribute it. 
Some invitations had yet to be delivered 
and it fell to Linda to do it, only she 
could not find the keys to her Mercedes. 
As the morning slipped away and we 
cked the already ransacked house, 
looking for her keys. she decided with a 
reluctance that bordered on trepidation 
to take the Ferr 

She could not stop talking about what 
adine would do if she so much as 
got a scratch on it, and I was beginning 
to think we should have walked. as, 
mortified and duty-bound, she crept 
around Malibu from Robbie Robertson's 
house to Rick Danko's house to Bob 
Dylan’s house, delivering invitations. 
Linda told me that things had been very 
strange in Malibu recently. A perfect 
er, she said, had wandered into 
kos’ house the week before and 
ins out all over their 


I said. “how are they? 
Linda shrugged. “they're fine. 

As we pecked our way back to 1 
house, my only feeling was gratitude 
that she was driving at about the same 
speed as everyone else on the road and 
that we got hoi 

The alternoon was well on its way by 
the time Carradine got up. and right off 
1 knew something was wrong. He said 
hello as if nothing were going on. but I 
could see that it was a front. He was 
still dressed in his movie outfit [rom the 
previous day's fitting and it was begin- 
ning to look pretty rank already. The 
for Mata Hari was sitting at the 
room table and Carradine asked 
Where's the nearest place to buy 


e safely. 


cigi 
The writer was 
was in his own house. so the que 
seem a little odd. Nevertheless, 
writer mumbled something and C: 
dine started out the door, past the stacks 
of movie film. Inasmuch as I had gone 
everywhere but to the bathroom and to 
bed with Carradine since I'd arrived, I 
got up to accompany him to the store. 
Then I thought better of it, given the 
sense | had that he was feeling a bit 
uncharitable. I sat k down and had 
10 wait only ten minutes for the payoll. 
He stumbled in out of the hot, bright 
sunlight, gripping his solar plexus as if 
meone had kicked him in the stomach. 
I thought it was an act until I saw the 
blood. His face was the color of the 
moon and he was bleeding from 
the head and neck. His mouth was open 
and he was making 
gulping air as il something were caught 
in his throat. he lurched across the 
room, I jumped up and ran over to him. 
“I just had a wreck," he gasped, and 


om Paris. Carradine 
ion did 
the 


sick. glottal sound, 


went right past me to find Linda in the 
bedroom. 

There was a pause, like the seconds 
nd thunder, and 


my arm and said, "Come on," in a way 
1 knew meant trouble and also meant I 
could not г 1 followed her out into 
the driveway toward her Mercedes and 
stopped the minute I saw the Ferra 
The drivers side was demolished, the 
left rear tire blown open, pieces ol it 
hanging off. and the car sat at an odd 
angle like a cripple. The lett window 
had been up when the collision occurred 
and had been blown into the cockpit 
with such force that it looked as if some 
опе had spilled a basket of ten-carat 
emeralds in there. The universe that 
stood between what that little car was 
and what it had been was so vast it was 
heartbreaking and I was convinced, look 
ing at it, that Carradine was far more 
seri n he realized. 

was saving, and I 
jumped, following her into the Mer- 
cedes. 10 which she had apparently 
found her keys. for she drove out of 
there with vicious purpose. 

"David had an accident." 
staring straight out the windsh 
teeth locked together, “He hi 
car and hurt some people. It's a hi 
run." 

We were already on the Pacific Coast 
Highway. heading north, and if ГА had 
any thoughts of maintaining a proles- 
sional distance. 1 had no reason to enter- 
tain them any longer 

"p want you to listen," Linda said. 
“You're going to leave me there. I want 
to make sure they know that he's not 
running from it. Take down this num- 
ber." T got out my pen and she gave ше 
a phone number for Carradine's doctor. 
She instructed me to get the doctor to 
the house right away to look at Carra 
dine and then have him taken to the 
house of a friend, where he could stay 
until everything cooled down. I didn't 
bother asking her what to do if David 
needed to go to a hospital. 1 had а fe 
ing he'd rather die tl to that. 

It wasn't far to Paradise Cove, where 
a crowd had gathered around police cars 
nd a little red foreign sedan that was 
more or less destroyed. Linda jumped 
out and I was busy getting the awkward 
Mercedes out of there, but I did sce a 
woman bleeding and looking 
that vague, awestruck way people do 
when they've been injured so suddenly 
that it may take weeks for them to com- 
prehend exactly what happened. For- 
tunately, the police didn't see Linda get 
out of the Mercedes. so 1 blended back 
into the crush of Sunday traffic and raced 
to the house, 
radine sat on the couch, looking 
very ill. He had mopped some ol the 
blood off his face and neck and 


she said, 
14. her 
another 
and- 


subm 


und in 


was 


“Look, I appreciate your persistence, doc, but it's settled." 


179 


holding his chest and abdomen. He tried 
to smile as I went in, but it didn't work 
ош too well. I asked him how he was 
nd he just sed his evebrows and 
flicked the corners of his mouth. as if to 


PLAYBOY 


Thats a very intelligent idea.” һе 
as if Vd just suggested a particular- 
ly good change in the story line of the 
movie in which he and I were starring. 
Then we heard the first radio outside. 
id. 
soing out the back door.” Carra- 
1. and he got up like a wounded 
id was gone. | had to stop for 
d wonder if he had ever been 
d 


nce. The house 


"Police," I 
"Im 


gazelle 
a second a 
there to begin with, so complete 
abrupt was his disappea 
was utterly silent and there was no one 
home but me: a police radio was bark- 
ng so dose outside D thought the 
was coming through the house. And at 
that moment. I remembered what I was 
doing there. I put on my press crede! 
tials. I'm not sure what made 
that, bat E did and I walked out into 
the sunlight to y 
car with two men getti 
When they saw me, the 
senger seat just sat bi 


me do 


greet the si 


"ut of it. 
n in the pas- 
k down, hugging 


what appeared to be the barrel of a shot 
gun. 


Ihe other crouched down a little 
ned at me as if he had already 


as driving that c 
ded. pointing 1o th 
vi. He was genuinely scared and 
y young. and they are the worst kind. 
The young ones haven't learned 
about the world to have equanimity. 
And the scared. ones well that’s 
what the guns are for. 

“I don't know," I said. My mouth had 
gone dry the moment 1 heard the radio. 
nd it wasn't all that easy to talk. There 
is certainly one thing about being deep 
in. When you find yourself there, you 
^L going to mistake it for any other 
place, 

“Wheres I 
shouted. 

"p don't know," 1 said again. He 
straightened up then, secing that I 
hadn't started shooting yet, He ur 


re 


id Carradine?” he 


в Yy 
hooked his revolver and loosened it from 


‚ My heart sank. 
re you?” he demanded. 
L" I began. taking a мер for- 
ward, then thinking better of it and 
tak step backward, “I'm just 
1 tapped my press badge 
ті seen it already. "Em look 
ing lor David Carradine. тоо,” 
He looked at me in such a way that I 
knew he was convinced I was lying. "No. 
180 you're not!" he screamed—he did not 


its holste 


ТЕТІГІ 


seem capable of saying 
at top volume. “You're 
a felony!” 

"No," I said as calmly as 1 could. “I 
just flew in trom Chicago. I'm a reporter. 
I'm looking for David Carradine.” 

“Shut up! Shut up!" he screamed. His 
buddy in the car was fidgeting and it 
was making me almost as nervous as they 
were, "You stay right there! Don't 
move!” Two more police cars arrived a 
he was screaming at me. “Now, don’t 
move! 

1 was thinkin: 
that moment, 
among them. 

Numerous other cars began arriving 
and discharging police as the young cop 
growled. "Il he wants to play it this way. 
this place is going to be crawling with 
cops." And he was right. If he had just 
had the presence of mind to turn 
ind, he could have seen them, too. 
айога Highway Pavolmen began 
filing by the fireengine-yellow Ferrari 
as more and mor Fheyd 
go around to the driver's side, inspect 
the brutal folds and creases and tears in 
the sheet metal, peer inside at all the 
glass. poke a finger into the exploded 
tire and then just shake their heads and 
hustle their sidearms to a more 
fortable position. It was well known that 
the cops around Malibu wanted Car 
dines head on a platter. And now the 
had their chance. 

Except that Carradine was nowhere to 
be found. And they did not have a 
scarch warrant. 

The nervous kid who wanted to bust 
me темей his foot om the rocker panel 
of his car and called in the license: 
number reddie Ocean Ocean Lulu, 
he said. embarrassed by what he'd just 
spelled out amd looking more pissed 
with each passing moment 

The radio coughed and crackled. * 
yellow." ir said. "one niner 
Carradine, David," and so 
Zarradine had told me U the root. on 
his license plate was the tavot-card fool. 
At this point. however, it could have 
heen any old fool 

Part of Linda's plan for me was that I 
et the doct to look at Carradine, 
effect the escape and then return to get 
Linda. Of course, 1 would never partic 
pote in a crime to such an extent. but 
now I had no choice, be detained as 
1 was by a growing swarm of highway 
әйтеп. Fortunately, at the scene, 
heard a police radio say that they 
had а witness at the house (that's me— 
apparently my status had degraded some- 
how from accessory to witness without 
the young cop's say-so) and she walked 
back the quarter mile or so to i nc 

The crowd of policemen maintained 
very professional. courteous front with 
her. As she told me later, “They know 
that Fm not alraid of them and that Г 


nything except 
an accessory to 


f 
but 


П sorts of things at 
moving was mot 


com 


T- 
six 


on. 


nterv 


not going to shoot them." She politely 

declined to answer questions and they 

politely allowed as how they were going 

to impound the car. Directly, a tow truck 

arrived and Linda gasped, "Oh. God 
"What is it?” I whispered. 


said 


went over, smiling, у 
bearded man with the tow truck. She ex 
plained that the i could not be 
towed. It had to be carried on a flat-bed. 
1 don't know how she thought towin: 
could do it n, but the 
shrugged and left with his tow 
anyway. 

By that time. t 1 calmed down 
all around, except for that one young 
cop who had wanted to arrest me. Hc 


ny more ha 


did not look at all pleased with the 
drama was pro; 
ed like a mean dog who'd 
bone taken away by a meaner one. Dur 


ing the course of events, almost every 
cop there had walked up to him, pointed 
to me and asked, "Who's he?” 
Each time. the kid had shrugged, em 
sed. and admitted grudgingly, “He 
says he's a reporter." It seemed to irk 
him no end. 

The flat-bed arrived, took on the Fer 
rari and departed. The police began to 


get back into their cars amd disperse 
"The show was over. The young cop 
couldn't get his car started and cach 


time he cranked it, he seemed to get 


more and more angry, until it finally 
turned over with a sound like a safe 
falling down a fire escape and he 
squealed up the sloping driveway and 


raced away before a rooster tail of dust 
and gravel. 

As the last car was pulling aw, 
cop behind the wheel stopped 
head of the drive and signaled to me. T 
walked up to him and leaned in ihe 
window. "You want a ride outa here? 
he asked. politely. I didn't know what he 
meant at first. Then I realized that he 
correctly assumed 1 was just a report 
stranded out there, and that I might 
need at ride somewhere. 
"E think TIL just stick 
what happens.” I told him. 

“Suit yourself.” he said and drove off. 


round and see 


The black u пела 
of us had three people in it. The one 
on the right—the lady with the sun hat, 
who appeared to have just come from 
the beach—was David Carradine. The 
two other people in the truck were 
friends doing a favor for a buddy in 
trouble, Deep trouble, Steel château. 
felony trouble, the kind that makes you 
lize that, in this society. you 
y someone to do almost anything for 
pay 


can 


" 
you, but there is no one you c 
to serve your time 

"David watched the whole thing 
Linda said, driving the Mercedes with 


the abrupt. 
one who was s 
careful. "He was across the street, hiding 
out and watching the whole thing come 
down.” 1 couldn't tell whether she 
thought that was terrific or awful or 
both. 

We were finally on our way to Keith's 
Topanga Canyon, taking 
the long, scenic route through 


jerky movements of some- 
red 


and trying to be 


house up in 
he moun- 
tains to detection. “The cops 
never come up in here.” Linda assured 
me as a. police off-road vehicle whipped 
past us going the other way. "Sec?" she 
said and laughed nervously, as if to say, 
Theyre on their way out. “David and I 
had a fight,” she explained. “Whenever 
we have a fight, he goes off like that.” It 
seems Carradine was very upset that he 
had not been awakened early 
to get to Keith's on time. He blew up 
at Linda. who thought she was doing 
him a favor by letting him rest and by 
delivering his invitations for him. He 
lit out in his Ferrari to burn off a lit- 
tle venom and when he was turning the 
radise Cove. he pulled 


avoid 


enough 


car around in P: 


out onto the Pacific Coast Highway and 
didn't sce the car coming. He got 
I-boned 

By the time we were riding along 


through the mountains, we knew several 


things. The entire coast line was crawl- 
ing with cops out to get Carradine. The 
doctor had examined him and pro- 


nounced him badly banged up (separat- 
ed ribs and what not) but probably not 
ready for a hospital stay. The people in 
the other car were also banged up. cut 
a little, but at least Carradine wasn't 
staring down both barrels of an invol- 
untary manslaughter charge, And final- 
ly—perhaps most important—the party 
was being held over on. Carradine's а 
Even Walter Hill was waiting 
("Have you ever known. Walter to stay 
at any party for more than ап hour?” 
Carradine had asked Linda earlier, when 
he was angry) 

І don't understand it,” 
st to herself 


count, 


Linda mused, 


“What” 
“He asked about the car.” She frowned 
and shook 1 head. “He didn't. ask 


about the other people. He was con 
cerned about how the car was.” 

The welcome Carradine received at 
the mountain hide-out was as expected— 
the returning. Keith 
put his hand in David's hair and just 
looked at him with tenderness and de 
spair, as if he'd seen it all before and 
knew he'd see ir all until one day 
they came and told him that his brother 
had finally gotten so deep in that hc 
wasn't coming out again. Death and dis 
memberment in a cowboy picture is onc 
thing. Everywhere else it's another mat 
ter entirely 

Carradine hurt. Just to 
watch him try to move was painful, as 


wounded warrior 


again, 


was clearly 


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181 


PLAYBOY 


182 


s old or a master of 
vai chi, р g for the last battle, 
On Keith’s shoulder, he barely made it 
hd then sat on the 
first thing that presented itseli—the 
piano stool. Someone brought him wa- 
termelon and he began eating slowly 
fast,” Linda explained, 
and informed me that the docto: 
had examined him holistic 
didn't approve of drugs. "But he's got a 
real M.D. and all,” she hastened to add. 
Uh-huh,” I said 

Everyone wanted to know what had 
happened. Carradine had gotten that 
old smile together again. the one where 
he has the bazooka pointed at his head. 
In his bloodied, rumpled and ripped 
movie costume, he now looked Jike the 
baddest slunge of a modern-day cow- 
puncher that ever spat blood. I don't 
know, maybe fm just not deep in 
enough to appreciate such subtleties, but 
I couldn't help wondering how come 
nobody had put two and two togeth 
and figured that if Carradine was in 
such bad shape, there must be some 
other people out on the highway, too. 
And what were they doing right now? 
No one asked. It didn't even seem to 
matter. 

“The best part," Carradine said with 
quiet, pained relish, "was going out the 
back. I was going through the bushes, 
shot in the side." Then he told a story 
bout a movie he'd done in which he 
was climbing onto a movi in, escap- 


Tan 
ing, and was shot in the process, He lay 


if he were 400 уса 


was 


on the floor of a саше car and his line 
was, “Oh, God, I'm gonna die in a 
cattle car.” Now he said that was just 
what was going through his mind as 
he crawled and stumbled through the 
bushes, escaping the police: “Oh, God, 
I'm gonna die in a cattle car. 

Then Linda launched into a rather 
embellished description of how I'd “held 
oll 19 police cars by scaring them" with 
my press credentials. Keith turned slow- 
ly toward me with а smile that seemed 
to say he knew a damned sight betu 
than to believe that crock of horseshit. 
He arched his eyebrows. 

“Long Rider, ch?” he 

. 

Monday morning. bright and early, 
found us in dubbing room seven at 
MGM in Culver City, remixing some of 
the last fragments of sound on Ameri- 
cana for the big showing Wednesday 
night. An engineer sat at an. enormous 
computeroperated mixing console fac- 
ng a full-size movie screen at the bottom 
of which was a digital readout of footage 

nd frames. He seemed concerned about 
Carradine's condi 

“Time,” Carradine assured him, 
the cure for everything but lies." 

The rerecording took a couple of 
hours, and then we retired to editi 
room 151 to finish the job. 

“At least you got to drive the car, 
dine allowed. 
eah,” I agreed, 
leave the scene 


sked, 


but why did you 


"You were fine, really. It's just that 
1 expected something different, considering 
you talk so dirty." 


“I was just hurtin’ so bad,” he said. 
"m not gonna let a Little thing like the 
Jaw stop me. 


In the tiny editing room, barely big 
enough for the Moviola and storage 
racks. Carradine's editor worked silently 


and expertly, cutting the film. And the 
only time I saw even the vaguest glim- 
mer of something you could call regret 
when Carradine unscrewed the cap 
a pint of Cuervo. gold and took a 
thoughtful sip. He was standi nd had 
been trying to sit down 
he began to sit. it was too painful and 
he'd straighten up again. Finally, he 
just stood there smiling, as if to 
Ain't I a sorry shitass? Then he shook 
his head sad nd said, "I wish I lived 
a little better." 

So did I. Word had come through the 
wyers that he would be arrested. on 
sight. 

Upon my arrival in California. I had 
abandoned my rented AMC Concord in 
the MGM lot. but by Monday night, it 
had taken the place of the E n the 
driveway at the Malibu house, Carradine 
stayed up in the canyon with Lind: 
while I continued to sleep at the b 
house, making forays into the mountains 
ut to the city to keep up with I 
4 been told the police were watching 
aw no sign of them. Up at Keith’ 
things were quiet, Lord Buckley rapping 
softly in the background ("And that's 
). Linda told 
me. id he was glad he got 
the wreck over with here so he didn't 
have to n Africa, We fought so 
he could have it he ‘That made about 
as much sense as anything I'd seen so far. 
so I just nodded. 

Linda had gone to a vetei 
some cock-and-bull story about onc of 
her horses’ having a sprain and her ow: 
vet having died and got the man to give 
her some DMSO-——dimethyl sulphoxide, 
a drug not approved for human use but 
ne to have analgesic proper 
ties. She began treating her husband 
with it for his soreness and he wandered 
und Keith's living room and kitchen, 
his shirt oli, his wild map of tattoos 
agleam with the oily salve. 

Wednesday night, the screening of 
nned, a 
t a packed 
eception. “It's not 
later told me Hill 
had confided to him, " And 
Carradine hastened to explain that Hill 
was being neither coy nor complimen- 
tary. 

Then something very хи 
pened. The entire problem of the hi 
andrun just went away. As if it h 
happened. I'd neve 
g quite like it, And soon even th 
acts began to change. The sto 


but cach time 


n with 


id bv se 


great all 
house and a 


€ 


nge h 


and-run? There w 
that’s all.” 

As the week drew to a close, the story 
had changed so much that it seemed 
Linda had also been in the Ferrari at the 
time of the collision and Carradine had 


s just an accident, 


been so ured that he had left her 
at the scene to attend to the others 
while he went to seck Шу needed 


medical attention. And as 
bility was concerned. С 
merely been poking the nose of his ca 
out of Paradise Cove on a busy Sunday 
when some unlocal yahoo broadsided his 
beautiful automobile. Faul Whose 
fault? dU was 1, plain and 
simple 

At the end of the week, С 
was still in costume for his next picture 
and hadn't worn the boots enough to 
muss up the I h still 
hung from one of them. He was getting 
set to fly to South Africa and right into 
the teeth of the Screen Actors Guild 
strike, which would cripple the business 
during the summer of 1980 and fuck up 
the fall television season. He was still 
staying up at Keith's house. “We'll have 
to out of Malibu," Linda had 
said. “They're really down on us now." 


r as culpa- 


au accide 


vadine 


. wh 


move 


T asked Carradine what would happen. 
He said nothing at all would happen. 

“Why” 

He shrugged. “My lawyer worked it 
out.” 

"But hov 

Carradine shrugged again. Linda 
couldn't explain, either, and when I 
called her back over the next few 


months, the trouble about the wreck had 
disappeared and Carradine 
м nd there was still по explana 
tion of how it all had happened. Linda 
was back in the Malibu house with 
Kansas. No one had picked up Ameri- 
cana for distribution, No one wanted it. 

All through my stay, 1 had tied to 


was off 


figure out whether it was a pose with 
Carradine. And in wondering. 1 had 
remembered a story a friend of mine 
once told, about a kid whose parents 
got him a trombone. He learned to play 


it and became fairly good at it. So he 
joined the high school band and did all 
right. Then, in college, it scemed they 
needed а wombone player, so he got 
into the college band and did four years 
of it. By the time he got out of college. 
he was a pretty damned good trombone 
ayer and, since jobs were scarce, he 
ag jobs playing trombone 


Well. that went on and one day he woke 


up in a cold sweat in the middle of the 
night. He was 45 years old and he was 
terrified. "Oh. my God,” he whispered 
to himself, "Fm a trombone player." 
And that was really the closest 1 could 
come to explaining the things David 


Carradine did. 


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183 


PLAYBOY 


184 


ASK A SILLY QUESTION 


(continued from page 104) 


“We came to a particularly bitter and unpleasant 
parting of the ways, Moira and I." 


Do you drink Perrier?” 
"No," said Dortmunder. 
h," said the elegant man, closing 
the subject with his preconceptions i 
tact. "Now," he said, "I suppose you're 
wondering why we all gathered you here.” 
"I got an appointment uptown,” Dort- 
munder answered. He was feeling mul- 
ish. When a simple walk to the subway 
turns into an incident with two plug- 
n the back, а shoving i 


feur beyond the closed glass partition 
run up the stocking of Manhattan to the 
East Sixties, a swallowing up a 
town house wilh a garage with an elec- 
wonically operated door, and an inter- 
view at gunpoint with a tall, slender, 
painfully well-dressed, 60ish, white- 
haired, white-mustached cl nt man in 
a beautifully appointed and very г 
€ ported intact from Bloom- 
ingdale's, a person has а right to feel 
mulish. "Im already late for my ap- 
pointment,” Dortmunder pointed out. 
“TIL uy to be brief,” the elegant man 
promised. “My father—who, by the way. 


ine den 


was once Secretary of the Treasury of 
this great land, under Teddy Roose- 


veli—always impressed upon me the 
wisdom of obtaining expert advice be 
fore undertaking any project, of what- 
ever size or scope. I have 
followed that injunction 

"Uh-huh," said Dortmunder. 

“The exigencies of lile having made 
it necessary for me.” the elegant man 
continued. "to engage for once in the 
practice of grand larceny, in the form of 
burglary, I immediately sought out 
prolessional in the field to advise me. 
You.” 

Т reformed.” Dortmunder said. "I 
made some mistakes in my youth, but I 
paid my debt to society and now I'm 
reformed.” 

“OL course," said the elegant man. 
“Ah, here are our drinks. Come along, I 
have something to show you." 

. 

It was a dark and lumpy statue, about 
feet tall, of a moody teenaged girl 
dressed in curtains and sitting on a tree 
trunk. "Beautiful, isn’t i" the elegant 
a said, gazing fondly at the thing. 

Beauty outside Dortmunder's 
visual spectrum. “Yeah,” he said, and 
looked around this subterrancan room. 
which lı been fitted out like a cross 
between a den and a museum. Bookcases 


four 


was 


alternated with paintings on the walls, 
d antique furniture shared the pol- 
ished wood floor with statuary, some on 
pedestals, some, like this bronze of a 
young girl on low platforms. Dort- 
munder and the elegant man and the 
armed. plug-uglies had come down here 
by elevator; apparently, the only route 
in and out. There were по windows 
d the air had the flat blanketlike 
quality of tight temper d hamid- 
ity control. 

It's a Rodi the elegant m 
ng. “One of my wis 
іп my youth." His mouth forming a 
practiced moue, he said, "One of my 
less wise acquisitions, more recently, was 
а llesh-and-blood young woman who did 
me the disservice of becoming my wile.” 

“I really got an appointment ыр 
town,” Dortmunder said. 

"More recently still,” the elegant man 
persisted, "we came to a particularly bit- 
ter and unpleasant parting of the ways, 
Moira and 1. Asa part of the resulting 
settlement, the little bitch got this 
nymph here. But she didn't get it.” 

Uh-huh,” Dortmunder said. 

“I have frie the 
the elegant man went on, “and all men 
have sympathizers where grasping ex- 
wives are concerned. Several years ear- 
lier, Г4 had a mold made of this piece, 
d from it an exact сору had been cast 
in the same grade of bronze. A virtually 
identical copy; not quite museum qual- 
ity, of course, but aesthetically just as 
pleasing as the original.” 

“Sure,” said Dorimunde 

“It was that copy I gave to Moira; 
having, of course, first bribed the expert 
she'd bro ippraise the objects 
she w me. The other 
pieces I gave her with scarcely a mur- 
mar, but my nymph? Neve: 
Ah," said Dorimunder. 
ЇЇ was well," the elegant man s 
"I kept my nymph, the one 
true original from Rodin's plaster form, 
with the touch of the sculptors hand 
full upon it. Moira had the copy, pleased 
with the thought of its being the ori 
inal, cheered by the memory of having 
done me in the eye. A happy ending for 
everyone, you might have said. 
Uh-huh,” said Dortmunder 
But п ending at all, unfor- 
tunately.” The elegant man shook his 


r acqu 


ds in art world,” 


from 


not 


head. “It has come to my attention, very 
atedly, that tax proble 


s have forced 
Moira to make a gilt of the Rodin 
nymph to the Museum of Modern Art. 
Perhaps I ought to explain that even I 


cannot with any certainty bribe an ap- 

praiser from the Museum of Modern 
t 

“He'll tell,” Dortmunder said. 

"He will, in the argot of the und 

world,” the elegant man said, “spill the 


isn't the argot of the under- 
+” Dortmunder told him. 
No matter. The point is, my only 
recourse, it seems to me, is to em 
Moira's town house and make off w 
the copy.” 
Makes sense,” Dortmunder agreed. 
The ele n pointed at 
nymph, “Pick that up,” he said. 
Dortmunder frowned, looking for the 
butcher's thumb. 
1, 
"It won't bite. 
Dortmunder handed 


his 


ant man insisted. 


bourbon and 


water 10 one of the plug-uglies; then, 


hesitant, unfamiliar with the process of 
lifting teenaged girls dressed in cur 
tains—whether of bronze or апу 
else—he grasped this one by the chin 
one elbow and lifted .. . and it didn't 
move. "Uh," said Dortmunder, visions 
of hernias blooming in his head. 

“You sec the problem," the ele 
man said, while the muscles in Dort 
munde ms and shoulders and back 
and groin all quivered from the unex- 
pected shock. “My nymph weighs five 
hundred twenty-six pounds. As docs 
Moira's copy, give or take a few ounces. 
agreed Dorimunder. He took 
back his drink and drank. 

“The museum's expert arrives tomor- 
row ооп." the elegant man 
touching his white mustache. “If Lam to 
avoid discomfort—possibly even public 
disgrace—1 must remove Ma 
from her possession tonight. 

Dortmunder said, "And you want me 
to do it?” 


s 


tall.” The elegant man 
My associ- 


will, as you would 
“That's not what Pd say,” Dortmund- 
er told him. 
No matte 
from you, Mr. Dortmunder, 


лу. pull the scam. 


What we wish 
simply 
your expertise. Your professional opin 
ion. Come along." The elevator doors 
opened 10 his elegant touch. "Care for 
another bourbon? Of course 
E 
the elegant man said, 
architect's plans and models, 
h I lost the town house itself 


no matter. 


ou do.” 


ortunately, 
"I kept th 
even thou 
to Moira 

Dortmund d his host and one 
gly (the other was off getting more 
bon and sherry) stood now in a 
softly glowing dining room overlooking 
formal brick-andgreenery rear garden. 
On the antique relectory table dominat- 
ing the room stood two model houses, 


p> 


“Oooh! I like it! I like it!!” 


185 


м 


PLAYBO 


186 


model, barely six inches tall and built 
solid of balsa wood with windows and 
other details painted on, was placed on 
I photograph to the same scale, 
tly illustrating the block in 
which the finished house would stand. 
The larger. like a child's dollhouse, was 
over two feet tall, with what looked like 
al glass in its windows and even some 
furniture in the rooms within. Both 
models were of a large, nearly square 
house with a high front stoop, four sto- 
I. with a big square many-paned 
Might in the center of the rool. 
Dortmunder looked at the 
then at the small, t 
aph of the street. 
Yor! 


model, 
1 at the photo- 
“This is in New 


ı see the skylight, 
nt man. 


suggested the 


“It can be opened in good weather. 
There's an atrium on the second level. 
You know what an atrium is?” 

"No. 

Us a kind of garden, within the 
house. Here, let me show you.” 

The larger model was built in pieces, 
which could be disassembled. The roof 
came off first, showing bedrooms and 
baths all around a big square opening 
coinciding with the skylight. ‘The top 
Noor came off, was set aside and showed 
a third floor given over to a master bed- 
room suite and a bookcase-lined den, 
around the continuing square atrium 
hole. The details impressed even Dort- 
munder, “This thing must have cost as 
much as the real house,” he said. 


"The elegant man smiled. “Not quite, 
he said, lifting off the third Moor. And 
here was the bottom of the atriu 
fancy word for air shaft, Dortmunder 
decided—a formal garden like the one 
outside these fe dining-room win- 
dows, with a fountain and stone paths. 
The living and dining rooms in the 
model were open to the atrium. “Moira's 
copy." the elegant man said. pointing at 
the garden, “is just about there.” 

"Tricky." Dortmunder commented. 

"There are twelve steps down from 
the atrium level to the sidewalk in front. 
The rear garden is sunk deeper, below 
ground leve 

“Very tricky. 


"Ah. our drinks" the elegant man 
said, taking his, "and not a moment too 
soon.” He sipped elegantly and 
"Mr. Dortmunder, the workm 


worthy of his hire. I shall now outline to 
you our plans and our reasoning. I 
you to give us your careful attention, to 
advise us of any flaws in our thinking 
nd to suggest whatever improvements 
come to your professional mind. In re- 
turn, I will pay you—in cash, of course— 
one thousand dollars.” 

“And drive me uptown,” Dor 
said. "Im really late for my 
ment. 

"Agreed," 


under 
ppoint- 


Dortmunder said, and 

Кей around for a place to sit down. 
“Ol long," said the cl 

man. ' 


come 


ant 


. 
dows in the living 
room overlooked a tree-lined expensive 
block. Long sofas in ecru crushed velvet 
faced each other on the Persian carpet, 


"What a coincidence! I'm part of the antijogging 
backlash, too... want to screw?” 


amid glass-topped tables, modern lamps 
and antique brica-brac. In a Millet over 
the mantel, a French farmer of the last 
century endlessly pushed his barrowload 
of hay through а narrow barn door 
The elegant man might have lost his 


atriummed town house to the scheming 
Moira, but he was still doing Ol 


o 


welfare hou: 
With a 
sat 


g necessary. 
sh drink to ha 
munder sofa and listened. 
“We've made three plans," the elegant 
man said, as Dortmunder wondered who 
this “we” was he kept talking about: 
surely not the plug-uglies, giants with 
the brains of two-by-ours, sitting arou 

now on chair arms like a rock sta 
bodyguards. “Our first plan, per 
feasible, involves that skylig 
helicopter. I have access to a heli 

"Loud." Dortmund 

The elegant man paused, as though 
surprised, then smiled. “That's right, 
he said. 

Dortmunder gave him а flat look 
“Was that a test? You wanna sec if TI 
just say, "Yeah, yeah, that's fine, give me 
my grand and take me uptown,’ is 
tn 
"To some extent." agreed the elegant 
ly. "OF course, apart from 
the noise—a dead giveaway to the en- 
tire neighborhood. naturally, the house 
would swarm with police before we'd so 
much as attached the grapple—still 
from that noise problem, a hel 
auractive solution. At 


nd. Dort- 


on a 


man pla 


part 
copter is qui 

ight, from 
Illegal,” interrupted Dortmunder. 
hi" 
‘ou can't Пу a helicopter over Man- 
hattan after dark. There's a law. Never 
break a law you don't intend to br 
people get grabbed for a traffic viola 
and what they're really doing is robb 
a bank. That kind of thing. It 
1 the tim 

1 man looked 
thoughtful. Smoothing back his silver 
locks, he said, "Every trade is more com- 
plicated than it appears. isn't it?” 

ay siid Dorimunder. 
plan number two?” 


ion, 


ppens 


"Whats 


volves the 


people in this housez" 
"None." Then the elegant man made 
a dismissing fi wave, saying, "The 
staff, of course. But they're ай dow 
stairs. It's soundproofed down there 
servants sleep like the dead. 
“If you say so. Wherc's this Moira? 
he should be а, mired on 
the M four,” the elegant man said. look- 
ing extremely irritated, “but the delay Pd 
arranged lor her to undergo didn't quite 
take pl As a result, she is probably 
at this very moment boarding her flight 
to New York. She'll be here sometime 


id 


lace. 


carly tomorrow morning." Shrugging 
away his annoyance, he said, "Neverthe- 
less, we still have all of tonight. Plan 
number two, as I started to say, has us 
forcing entry through the front door. 
Three strong men"—with a graceful 
hand gesture to include both himself and 
the silent plug-uglies—"with some diffi 
culty, can jog the statue onto a low 
wheeled dolly. Out front, we shall have 
a truck equipped with a winch, whose 
long cable will reach as f the atrium. 
The winch can pull the statue on the 
dolly through the house and down a 
metal ramp from the head of the stairs 
to the interior of the truck.” 

“That sounds OK," said Dortmunder. 
"What's the problem 

“The guard," the clegant man ex- 
ned, “outside the embassy next door.” 
Оһ,” said Dortmunder. "And if you 
get rid of the guard. ..." 

“We create an international incident. 
A side effect even more severe than the 
breaking of helicopter-at-night laws." 

Dortmunder shook his head. “Tell me 
about plan number three." 

"We effect entry through the rear, 
from the house on the next block. We 
set various incendiary devices and we 
burn the place down. 

Dortmunder frowned. * 
he objected. 

A flaw we'd noticed ourselves,” the 
clegant man admitted. 

Dortmunder drank bourbon 
his host a look of disgust 
have any plan at all,” he said. 

“We have no good plans,” the clegant 
man said. “Would you have a suggestion 
ot your own?" 
or a thousand dollars?" Dortmunder 
sipped bourbon and looked patiently at 
the elegant man. 

Who smiled. a bi 
you mean,” he said. 

"Say ten thousand, 
gested. 

^I couldn't possibly say ten thousand. 
I might find it possible to say twenty 
five hundred. 

It took three minutes and many little 
delicate silences before Dortmunder and 
the elegant man reached the $5000 hon- 
orarium both had settled on in advance. 

б 

The interior ladder down from the 
ht had been so cunningly inte- 
ed into the decor of the house that 
it was practically useless; tiny rungs, 
im ly spaced, far too narrow and 
curving frighteningly down the inside 
of the domed ceiling. Dortmunder, who 
had a perfectly rational fear of heights, 
inched his way downward, prodded by 
the plug-ugly b and encour- 
aged by the plug-ugly ahead, 
ing not to look between his shoes at the 
tiny shrubbery and statuary and orna- 
mental fountain three long stories below. 


pl 


letal doesn’t 


bu 


sadly. "I see what 
ay two thousand." 
Dortmunder sug- 


What a lot of air there is in an atrium! 
Attaining the safety of the top.floor 
floor, Dortmunder turned to the clegant 
man. who had come first down the lad- 
der with an astonishing spryness and lack 
of apprehension, and told him, “This 
isn’t fair, that's all. I'm here under 
protest. 

“Of course you are," the elegant man 
said. “That's why my associates had to 
show you their revolvers. But surely for 
five thousand dollars, we can expect you 
to be present while your rather ingen- 
ious scheme is being worked out.” 

A black satchel, tied about with a 
hairy thick yellow rope, descended past 
in small spasms, lowered by the plug- 
ugly who was remaining on the roof. 71 
never been so late for an appointment 
in my life,” Dortmunder said. “I should 
of been uptown hours ag 

"Come along." the clegant man said, 
"well find you a phone, you can call 
and explain. But please invent an ех- 


planation; the truth should not be 
telephoned.” 
Dortmunder, who had never tele- 


phoned the truth and who hardly ever 
even presented the truth in person, made 
no reply. but followed the elegant man 
and the other plugugly down the wind- 
ing staircase to the main floor, where the 
plug-ugly with muttered curses removed 
the black satchel from the ornamental 
fountain. "You shouldn't get that stuff 
wet," Dortmunder pointed out. 

"Accidents will happen," the elegant 
man said carelessly, while the plug-ugly 
continued to mutter. "Let's find you a 
telephone.” 


They found it in the living room. 
near the tall front windows, on a charm- 
ing antique desk inlaid with green leath- 
er. Seated at this, Dorununder could 
look diagonally out the window and sec 
the guard strolling in front of the em- 
bassy next door. An empty cab drifted 
by, between the lines of parked cars. 
The elegant man went back to the 
atrium and Dortmunder picked up the 
phone and dialed 

“О. J. Bar and Grill, Rollo speal 
s Dortmunder.” 
"Who?" 

"The bourbon and water." 


ay. your pals are in the 
re waiting for you, huh?" 
“Yeah,” Dortmunder said. "Let me 
talk to Ke— The other bourbon and 
water.” 
Sure.” 


A police car oozed by: the embassy 
guard waved at it. Opening the desk 
drawer, Dortmunder found a gold t 
let set with emeralds and rubies; he put 
it in his pocket. Behind him, a sudden 
loud mechanical rasping sound began: 
he put his thumb in his other car. 

“Hello? Dortmunder?" Kelp's voice. 

“Yeah,” Dortmunder said. 

“You're late.” 

“I got tied up. With some people.” 

“Something going on 

“TI tell you later.” 

"You sound like you're in a body 


асе- 


s. You don't have 


“Hello, Ma? Quick, turn on the TV!" 


187 


PLAYBOY 


188 


Dortmunder 
sound was very loud 
“That's very sensible." 


id. The rasping 


Kelp said. 


“What with the energy crisis. and infla- 
tion, and being in a city with first-rate 
mass transportation, it doesn't make any 


sense to own your own с 
ire,” Dortmunder said. 
calling about” 

Any time you need a car,” Kelp said, 
"you can just go pick one up. 
Thats right" Dortmunder sa 
“About tonight 

"So what a 
shop? 

"The rasping sound. or something. was 
getting on Dortmunder’s nerves. "Ell 
tell you later,” he 1. 
You'll be along soon? 

“No. I might be stuck here a couple 
hours. Maybe we should make the mect 


you doing in a body 


No problem." Kelp said. "And if you 
k loose. we can still do it tonight. 
You guys don't have to hang around.” 
Dortmunder told him. 

Thats OK. We're having a nice dis- 
cussion on religion and politics. Sce you 
later." 

“Right,” said Dortmunder. 

. 

In the atrium, they were cutting the 

nymph’s head off. As Dortmunder came 


back from his phone call, the girl's head 
nodded once. then fell with splash 
into the fountain. As the plug-ugly 
switched off the saw. the elegant man 


toward Dortmunder a face of 
anguish, saying. “Its like seeing a hu- 
being cut up before your eyes. 
. Were she flesh and blood, I could 
ve she was Moira.” 

g's loud," Dortmunder said. 


turned 


"Not outside." the elegant man as 
sured him. “Because of traffic noise. the 
facade was soundprooted. Also the floor: 
the servants won't hear a thing." 

The plug-ugly having wrapped the 
de ted head in rope. he switched 
on his saw again and attacked the 
nymph. this time at her waistline. The 
1 ing vaflishly through 
circlets of yellow rope, rose slowly root- 
ward. hauled fron 

Dortmunder. having pointed out to 


id. meantime. pec 


above. 


the cl removal of this 
statue was attered. tl its 
postoperative condition was unimpor- 


tant. had for his 55000 suggested they 
cut it into totable chunks and remove 
it via the rool. Since. like most cast- 


bronze statues. it was hollow rather than 
solid. the dismember ly 
thin the range of the possible 
Dortmunder had first thought in terms 
of an industrial laser, which would make 
and absolutely silent cut 
t the elegant man's. elegant contacts 
did not include access to а laser. so 
Dortmunder had fallen back on the no- 
tion of etylene torch. (Everybody in 
Dortmunder’s circle had an acetylene 
torch.) But there. too. the elegant man 
had turned out to be deficient. and it 
as only after exhaustive search of the 
ge t 
eral metalcutting 
found. Well. it was better ti 
knife. though uot so quiet. 

The head fell from the sky into the 
fountain, splashing everybody with 
water. 


was ccrta 


had been 
na pocket- 


The plug-ugly with the saw turned it 
off, Tilted his head 


nd spoke disparag- 


the roof. who 


"That's very nice, Maynard. Bul what I 
said I wanted was a clock-radio.” 


French, and when the 
each other. 


The nearer plug-ugly gave h 
sullen look. "Thats brainwork, / guess.” 
he said, switched on the saber saw and 
stabbed the nymph in the belly with it 
Renewed racket buried the elegant man's 
response. 

Jt was too loud here. From Dortmund- 
er's memory of the model of this house. 
the kitchen should be through the din- 
and turn right. While the 
man fumbled with the bronze 
head, Dortmunder strolled away. Passing 
through the dining room, he pocketed 
n antique oval ivory cameo frame. 


Dortmunder paused in the p 
tion ol his second. pûlê and swiss on r 
with Dijon mustard—this kitchen con- 
tained neither peanut butter nor jelly— 
when the racket of saber saw was abrupt- 
ly replaced by the racket of angry voices. 
Among them was a voice undoubtedly 
female. Dortmunder sighed, closed the 
sandwich. carried it in his left hand and 
went through to the atrium. where a 
n surrounded by Louis Vuitton 
ses was yelling at the top of her 
voice at the elegant man, who was yell- 
ing just as loudly right back. The plug- 
ugly stood t side. openmouthed but 
silent. the Iso silent in his 
hand. hovering over the statue stub. now 
reduced to tree trunk, knees, shins. feet, 
toes, base and a bit of curtain hem. 

This was clearly the ex-wife, home 
ahead of schedule. The elegant m: 
seemed unable to do anything right. In 


we 


rhe semidarkness of 
doorway. Dortmunde 
and listened and watched. 

The screaming was 
first, screaming. with b ration: 
words identifiable in the mix. but the 
ex-wife's first impulse to make lots. of 
noise was soon overtaken by the full 
realization ıl was all cul 10 


pieces: gradually. her shrieks faded awa 
ps and then to mere panting. unt 
U she merely stood. in stunned s 
staring at the destruction, while 
m lo ceased to bray. Re- 
ag his composure and his elegance. 
ljusted his cuffs and. with barely 
а wemor in his voice. he said, “Moira. 
1 adm. have me ai a disadvantage." 
“You—you But she wasn't capa- 
ble of description. not yet, not with the 
butchery right here in front of her. 


“Ап expli is in order.” the 
elegant ma jowledged. “hut first let 
me reassure on one point: The 


Rodin has not been destroyed. You will 
still. Um afraid. be able to tu 
to the populace 

"You bluh—you 

"My presence here, 
continued 
sis w 


n it over 


the elegant man 
though his ex-wile's paraly- 
invitation to go on, the 


result of an carlier deception, at the 
time of our separation, I'm afraid T must 
admit to you now that I bribed Grindle 
at that time to accept on your behalf 
not the original but a copy of the 
Rodin—this copy, in fact." 

The ex-wife took a deep breath. She 
looked away from the bronze cz 
and gazed at the elegant man. 
bloody fool" she said. having at last 
recaptured her voice, and spea 
almost in a conve ional tont 
bloody selfsatished fool, do you think 
you invented bribery?" 

A slight frown wrinkled the elegant 
man's features. “I beg your pardo: 

“Beg Rodin's" she told him. "You 
could only bribe Grindle with cash. 
When he told me your proposition, T 
saw no reason why he shouldn't take it." 

“You—you Now it was the ele- 
gant man who was losing the power of 
speech. 

“And, having tà 
minc," she 


wa 


en your bribe and 
exorably on, "he 
pronounced the false true belore revers- 
ng the statues. That,” pointing at the 
s and tree trunk, “was the original.” 
Impossible!" The elegant man had 
begun to blink His tie was askew. 
ndle wouldn't I've kept the- d 
You bloody FOOL!” And the woman 
reached for a handy piece of lug 
gage—toilet case, swamp-colored, speck- 
led with someone else's initials, retail 
$361.50—and hurled it at her ex-hus- 
band, who ducked, bellowed and reached 
for the late nymph’s bronze thigh with 
which to riposte. Thi side- 
stepped and the thigh rolled across the 
atrium, coming to a stop at. Dorimund- 
ers feet. He looked down at it, saw the 
glint of something shiny on the rough 
inside surface and hunkered down for a 
closer look. At the foundry. when they'd 
covered the removable plaster interior 
to pouring the bronze, 
. now old and 
had got stuck in the wax and 
the bronze. Dort- 


went 


sh 


woman 


valuable. 
then wanslerred to 


nd to tu the th 
© the light, then running his 
ps over the shiny thing, testing 
to see if it would come loose. But it was 
well and firmly fixed in place. 

The rasp of the saber saw 
snarled: Dortmunder, looki 
that the woman had it now, and was 
а g her ex-husband ound the 
plants and flowers with it, while thc 
plug-ugly stood frozen, pretending to 
be a floor lamp. Dortmunder stood. 
mouthed the last of his sandwich 
traced his steps to the kitchen and went 
out the window. 


out o 


псе more 
up, saw 


The far-off sound of sirens was just 
audible when he reached the pay phone 
at the corner and called again the O. J. 
Bar and Grill. When Kelp came on the 


phone, Dortmunder s 
still there: 

"Sure. You on your way? 
Vo. T got a new thing over here on 
the East Side. You and the guys mect 
me at Park and Sixty-fifth, 

“Sure. What's up?” 
Just a little break 

“The place is empty: 

Down the block, police cars were 
massing in front of. Moira's house. “Oh, 
yeah.” Dortmunder said, "its empty. 
don't think the owner's gonna be back. 
for years.” 

“Something valuable?” 

There weren't two copies of the Ro- 


, “The guys 


g and entering.” 


din, no: there was one original, one 
And the elegant man had been 
bout ex-husbandy getting the sym- 
pathy vote. The hired expert had ac- 
cepted bribes [rom both parties, but he'd 
made his own decision when it came to 
distributing the real and the fake Ro- 
In Dortm s mind's eye, he 

a the shiny thing hidden within 
plis thigh. It was the flip-off 
ring from a thoroughly modern beer 
сап. “It’s valuable OK," he said. "But 
it's kind of heavy. On the way over. steal 


The Ultimate Lockback 
With a Beast of a Guarantee. 


The Bear Pow” It's a real beauty. 


With Pivot/Post Lockbar of Schrade + Steel? that 
makes this Lockback completely rust resistant and insures 


rigid durable construction. 
Its one you wont want to lose 


That's why, like the entire Uncle Henry" line, each 
knife is serialized and guaranteed against loss for one 


year from date of warranty registration 


The Uncle Henry Bear Paw. The Ultimate Lockback. 


The Ultimate Guarantee. 


To find out more about the entire line, all made in 
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188 


PLAYBOY 


TECHNOLOGY WAR 


(continued from page 88) 


“Scratch a Japanese on his transistor earplug, they 
say, and you'll find a feudal serf below.” 


‘Tercel—Toyota’s rock bottom of the line 
last year. 

My wife drove it 300 miles to Palm 
Springs and back last weekend,” he said. 
“It was 110 degrees all the way.” 

Maybe fewer people would have died 
in exploding rear-ended Pintos if la- 
cocar's wife had had to drive one in the 
desert, 


. 

Sunday afternoon in Harajuku, a chic 
section of Tokyo. The feckless youth of 
the Japanese race—"the future schlock 
of the nation,” says one wag—are on 
parade, The boys wear baggy jeans with 
tight, narrow belts; sleeveless black T- 
shirts; leather boots; menacing black- 
plastic wraparound shades; and, strangest 
of all, their hair is puffed up and waved 
back, James Dean style. 

Some of the girls have dyed their hair 
orange. They dress as bobby-soxers and 
practice the Charleston in front of Sony 
tape recorders that have been set up in 
the middle of the street, since traffic is 
blocked off on Sunday. One of the boys 
docs imitation Elvis hip grinds while 
pretending to strum a guitar. 

АП of the above is what Јај is not. 
It is the tiny ground swell—make that a 
wavelet—of an attempt at headlong 
Westernization by leaping straight from 
pure Japaneseness into solid decadence 
without passing any of the other stages 
it normally takes before a civilization 
goes to hell. There is, essentially, no ice- 
berg beneath this tip. What you sce is 
all you get. 

"You sce a lot of Western exterior 
around here," drawl: one longtime To- 
kyo resident in the 20th-floor bar of the 
Foreign Correspondent’s Club. “But that 
is all it exterior. Beneath all that 
facade is a very feudal society." 

Scatch a Japanese on his transistor 
carplug, they say, and you'll find a feudal 
serf below. The Japanese have a habit of 
doing things by I d bounds, which 
olten means leapfrogging intermediate 
stages of the evolutionary process. Con- 
sider, for instance, how Japan became 
what for want of beuer language is com- 
monly called “a modern industrial na- 
tion.” Just 115 years ago, the country 
was, indeed, not only feudal on the in- 
side but insistently feudal on the outside, 
100. Overlords, daimios, vassals, ап in- 
dentured peasantry, the island nation 
divided into some 250 fiefs, all that stuff. 
you read about in Shögun. The samurai 
code held sway, the nation was ruled by 
the guy with the biggest sword—a mili- 


190 tary dictator called the shogun—and the 


country was effectively closed to foreign- 
ers. Had been for over 250 years, since 
Tokugawa Iyeyasu cut down his enemies 
and established his dynasty in 1603, only 
four years before John Smith founded 
Jamestown. 

Yet the Japanese had heard rumors of 
what was going on around them—the 
colonization of Hong Kong, the Philip- 
pines and Indochina by Western impe- 
rial powers. Macao had been Portuguese 
lorever. For over two centuries, the 
Japanese had held off such intrusions by 
aply ignoring the outside world and 
pushing those who showed up back into 
the s But when U.S. Commodore 
thew C. Perry lowered his gun sights 
the coastal town of Uraga in 1853, the 
y Japanese somehow knew the jig was 
up. Totally unprepared to resist modern 
methods of conquest, Japan made the 
conscious decision to go Western—on the 
surface, at least. 

By 1868, the last shogun was gone and 
the traditional Japanese emperor re- 
stored to nominal power, so that the new, 
progressive era of civilian administra- 
tion could begin. Skipping the entire 
Industrial Revolution, the Age of En- 
htenment, the Napolconic and all 
the other bitter steps the West went 
through to get ready for the 20th Cen- 
tury, the Japanese set out systematically 
to join the family of modern nations in 
one great leap forward. They did it al- 
most overnight. 

By 1900, Japan was modern cnough to 
fight alongside Americans and Euro- 
peans in putting down the Boxer Re- 
bellion in China. They deployed a navy 
and were in a position to field a formi- 
dable army. as the West found out to its 
sorrow a few decades later. They began 
creating an industrial base that would 
be lamentably turned almost exclusively 
to military purpose for the first half of 
the 20th Century. They had done away 
with all the fiefs, turning them into gov- 
ernment prefect highly central- 
ized, smoothly functioning bureaucracy, 
which became a kind of new samurai 
class. In short, Japan in 1867 was where 
the West had been in, say, 1650. In 1868, 
she had a plan and a will to modernize. 
By 1900, she was where the West had 
been in the mid-I9th Century. 

Likewise with the kids now рагай 
up and down in front of the Sun 
gawkers in the coffee shops of Harajuku. 
"They never heard of James Dean in the 
Fifties; they weren't even alive in the 
Fifties, But, true to the Japanese way, 
they have in one fell swoop achieved a 


near-perfect imitation of something they 
never saw. There is no cultural exper 
ence underpinning their pseudo aliena- 
tion; the only quality they have 
common with their generational mock 
punk counterparts in the West is ex- 
teme affluence. Yet beneath each of 
these Japanese is a boy or a girl who, in 
a crunch, combs his hair straight, carries 
a neat little umbrella and bows deeply to 
aunts and uncles on family days. 


п do. One must speak guard- 
edly of feudalism, however, for the onc 
key flaw in feudal societies—their rigid 
class structure—has been successfully 
dismantled in Japan’s new version. Un- 
der this new feudalism, Japan retains all 
the economic and politic: Ivantages of 
the old system—absolute loyalty, con- 
formist behavior, intense communitarian 
ues—withont the disruptive power of 
repression and imbalanced distribution 
of wealth. The result is ап advanced 
industrial society with such pervasive 
prosperity that the economic discrepan- 
cies between the top 20th percentile and 
the bottom 20th percentile of the popu- 
lation are among the smallest in the 
world. Japan is the communal society 
that works. 

The new feudalism works like th 
Besides family, the Japanese company is 
the most critical unit of society. It is the 
equivalent of a feudal бесе employee 
(serl) pledges lifelong loyalty to the 
company (vassal), receives, in turn, the 
promise of lifelong employment, protec 
tion and a guaranteed retirement pa 
ment by the company chief (daimio). 

The employce's life revolves entirely 
around the company, just as the serf's 
did under village feudalism. He social- 
izes almost entirely within his company, 
or across company lines for the greater 
good of his own company with his 
counterparts in competitive or comple- 
mentary companies. This business so- 
cializing takes place on week nights, 
when most white-collar males in Japa- 
nese cities go out to eat and drink, 
returning home around 11 P.M. plastered 
two or three nights per wee 

Weekends are spent with the family 
but often include outings with other 
company members, baseball games on 
the company team, and so forth. Wives, 
who stay home to tend hearth and herd, 
socialize primarily with other company 
wives. (The unliberated status of women 
in Japanese society, however, may be the 
sleeper issue of the future that could 
play havoc with the otherwise stable 
fabric of the neofeudalistic order.) Many 
companies, especially large manufactur- 
ing firms, provide such amenities as com- 
pany swimming pools, recreation grounds, 
cooperative supermarkets and company 
housing, which brings the employees much 
closer together. 

Certain benefits of this system are 


dearly apparent. The Japanese company 
has a guaranteed long-term labor pool 
that. can, over the years, become highly 


trained, skilled and efficient. So certain 
is the lifelong-employment system that 
in the management class—university 


graduates joining the company—new 
recruits spend the first two to four years 
in their company undergoing further 
trainin 
Г was shocked when I earned that an 
American manager begins work almost 
the day he is hired. ‘plained an exec- 
utive ol Sony Corporation of America in 
the company's glass-bound headquarters 
in New York "When we hire a new 
manager, he has to study our way for two 
or three years belore he goes on the job." 

The Japanese company sticks by its 
people and its training. policies even 
during recessions. Layofls are extremely 
re. The Japanese company (ev 
caught up in the Japanese disaster men- 
tality, which always plans against rainy 
days) is always gearing for the long term, 
not for the short-range profits. It believes 
it is best served by maintaining loyalty, 
even аға deficit, until the brighter day 
when its people will gobble up the mar- 
ket. Japanese business Jooks at long-term 
expansion of its market share. That is the 
kind of thing that keeps Datsun and 


PLAYBOY 


Toyota at cach other's throats, 
The hum you now, 150 miles 
south of Long Beach. near San Di is 


the sweet sound ol Sony color-television 
sets rolling off the assembly line. Ameri- 
cans bought 600,000 of the 700,000 sets 
produced here іп 1980: the rest we 
ported to Canada and Latin America. 
‘The nimble fingers soldering the cha 
units and picture tubes before the fin 
“hot box" aging process (which terribly 
abuses cach set lor one to two hours, 
ng up the failure rate and thus 
lightening quality control) are not those 
ol inscrutable Orientals bent on captur- 
ing the U.S. dollar market; they are 
the white, brown and black hands of 
Southern. Califor ns, 1600 men and 
women who work with only 40 Japanese 
to produce 80 percent of the Sony color 
TVs sold in Ame 
When your service network is as w 
s ours,” laughs one company Cr, 
“you have to build an almost unbreak- 
able product." If you own a piece of 
Japanese electronic goods that has 
Saved for years with minimal repairs, 
you know what he mean: 
‘The Sony /San Diego plant was opened 

іп 1972 with much fanfare and а prom- 

ise, from the company chairman, of 
lilelong employment to any ol the 
Americans who chose to stick it out with 
Sony. ht is the most frequently cited 
proof that American workmanship is as 
good as Japanese—if properly managed. 
The management techniques that 

182 form the backbone of the Japanese 


di 


system and that seem to be at work in 
ego are a mutual loyalty pact 


San Di 
(Sony laid off no one during its over- 
stocked production slowdown in 1974- 
1975), frequent worker-management 
contact (“I walk around the assembly- 
line Hoor all the time," says the vice- 
president in charge of operations, who 
could just as well stay in his office), 
encouragement of new ideas (throughout 
the plant, there are white telephones 


hooked up to the 600 Line where 
employees may register complaints. or 
suggestions anonymously), consensus 
building and egalitarianism. 

The two great values in Japanese 
society loyalty and cooperation. 


individ 
ity and nonconstructive critici 
and- 
ard by which a man is judged in his 
dimb wp a Japanese corporate ladder 
is not how he leads but how well he 
conciliates, how he gets along with 
others of his own rank in his depart- 
ment and how popular he is among his 
peers. Merit is. of course, a consideration, 
though under Japan's lifetime-employ- 
ment system, all but the congenitally 
incompetent will be promoted along a 
more or less preordained schedule. Merit 
and the ability to generate consensus 
are the qualities looked for in the suc- 
сезїї J 
family head. jow 
I wanted to get a certain machine 
altered in our darkroom.” explains the 
Tokyo chief of a world-wide American 
news-photo network. "lt. is something 
my senior Japanese staffer could do in 
about 20 utes. But J couldn't just 
tell him to do it. I had to build con- 
sensus first, If I told him to do it. it 
just wouldn't happen. 1 had to go 
ound dropping hints to various 
people, like, "What do you think about 
maybe changing this machine over? It 
took four months. They had to talk 
bout it. Finally, everyone agreed. Then 
it took about 20 minutes to make the 
Such corporate politicking is 
slow but has the net elfect of less resent- 
ment and dissension, greater group 
loyalty, understanding ol the decis 
at the grass roots and high participation 
of staff members. 

In the interest of consensus at Sony/ 
San Diego, operations chief Mike Mori- 
moto holds frequent meetings with his 
supervisors (foremen) to develop new 
policy with them. “Now, il your workers 
don't understand some change,” he told 
his firstshilt supervisors one spring 
alternoon. "you must explain it to the 
If you just say, “E don't understand the 
policy, but 1 have to enforce it; that's 
bullshit. Thar'sa cop-out.” 

This whole attitude comes together 
in the policy of egalitarianism, one of 
the most spectacular and vet enigmatic 
successes of an industrial society with a 


pa 


history of hicrarchal social relations. At 
Sony's plant, as in Japan, it takes some 
disarmingly simple forms: There is no 
executive dining room, the managers 
sharing both grub and tables with as- 
semblyline personnel. In Sonys large 
parking lot, there is but one reserved 
space near the front door—lor the 
any nurse. “И I arrive late," say 
Shiro Yamada, Sony scnior vice-president 
nd top banana at the San Diego plant, 
have to walk a long way through the 
arking lot" In Japan, the egalit 
ianism takes the form of managers’ joi 
in the morning calisthenics and 
then wearing the same ubiquitous blue 
smocks as the rest of the employees 
y (at Sony/San Diego, 
they have a mustard-yellow smock, but 
most people choose not to wear it). 

Another way plaining it stems 
from Japan's neofcudalistic view of the 
прапу as family. As proof of the 
impossibi aying off San Diego 
employees just because of a recession 
(which temporarily halted the assembly 
lines and set everyone to painting walls 
nd overhauling machinery), one Sony 
executive said. “Well, you can't fire 
your own у. can you?” As though. 
it were just that simple. 

Perhaps а British example—again in- 
volving Sony—tells it better, since 
Britain has become the world’s example 
of class resentment, employment dis- 
putes, union walkouts and national 
noncompetitiveness. Despite warn- 
gs about “the British disease” (chronic 
efficiency and strikes), Sony in 1971 


decided to open an assembly plant in 


Bridgend. Wales, where the coal 
closings had produced a read 

ing labor pool. Sony's simple expressions 
ol egalitarianism—which in Britai 
cluded the unheard-of practice of. man- 
agement and labor's going out to the 
зате pubs for the evening pint—sent 
such shock waves of joy through the 
town that. to this day. the plant has 
never been struck or threatened with a 
slowdown. Br whose chief under: 
lying problem is a class system that 
never died, even after the money dried 
up, is still staring in disbelief. 

. 

os only а few days in Japan— 
really only a few hours—to 
I why we're in so much trouble 
One is stunned by the 
ion to the m 


ind 


service to the cleanliness of the 
(there are nearly 1,500.000 cars in Tokyo 
nd every one looks as though it entered. 
town th 
If you ask 


ugh а car wash that morning). 
for 


somethi n one ol 
Tokyo's gigantic, lushly stocked depart- 
ment stores and they don't have it right 
there, someone runs (not walks) to find 
it for you. There is, finally, no getting 


“PU say one thing for Jessica—what she lacks in looks she 
makes up for in joie de vivre." 


193 


PLAYBOY 


around the fact that the Japanese simply 
work harder and probably better than 
anybody else, that they have perfected 
the virtues we used to preach—industry, 
civicmindedness, thrift (Japanese typi- 
cally save 20 percent of their incomes), 
loyalty and personal honor. 

What Japan is all about is together: 
ness. “It is in my country like this," 
explains Kazuo Но. a Tokyo business- 
ever fighting. Always making 
everything together, together.” 

Think together. work together, live 
together, pull together. You can get a 
good sense of the togetherness by riding 
one of the morning commuter trains 
varching them get 1000 people into 
designed for 400. Or you can gct 
it by g in the average six-mat 
Japanese home. the mats being a 

asuring space by how many 
3' x 6 tatami mats are required to cover 
floor (one mat is considered. sufficient 
space for one person to sleep оп). А 
six-mat room is 12 x 9: thus, the size 
of the central room of the apartment. 
The other rooms are smaller. (These 
tiny spaces reflect the Japanese failure 
to deal with their one great solved 
social problem: inadequate housing.) 

Or you get it by going into 
almost any Japanese office. Small-scale 
desks shoved together. papers piled 
everywhere in mad profusion. people 
jumping in all directions at jangling 
phones and communicating via the 
interoflice shout, the whole place re 


can 


sembling the floor of the Chi 
modities Exchange just befor 
business. 

Another measure of the communal suc- 
cess is the near absence of lawsuits and 
legal confrontation. While disputatious 
Americans create a staggering caseload 
that jams the courts, Japan is the world’s 
most nonlitigious society. While our sys- 
tem fairly begs for more suits, more laws 
and more lawyers. people in Japan go to 
extraordinary lengths to settle their few 
disputes out of court. America today 
supports some 500,000 lawyers, most in 
rather fine style: there are only 11,000 
lawyers serving the 117,000,000 Japanese. 
That's a difference in lawyer-to-popula- 
ratio of 24 to one 
The Japanese live and work this w 


ago Com- 
close of 


tio 


for two reasons: Опе, with that ma 
people sharing a country the size of 
Montana (only 29 percent of it non- 


mountainous), they have no choice: and, 
two. they don't nyone to be 
tempted to have a thought that runs 
against the stream—a thought that 
might rock their rather fragile boat. 
Think together, work together, live 
together, pull together. Yet the Japanese 
togetherness seems to produce not bland- 
ss but, rather. a channeled energy. the 
kind of energy that has made innova 
tion of consumer products the hallma 
af Japan's postw: 
is what turned a hearing aid into a 
transistor radio, turned most industrial 
production into а superefficient robot 


want 


k 
industrial success. It 


system, created the finest picture tube in 
television history (Sony's Trini and 
put the miniature calculator into Ever 
man’s pocket. The method is deceptively 
simple: Let tinkerers (like Soichiro Honda 
of Honda) and engineers (like Akio Mo- 
rita of Sony) run the company, keep the 
accountants and lawyers in their place, 
then tap the imagination of every em- 
ployee you can get your hands on. 

At Toyotas headquarters in Toyota 
City. Achi. for instance, the system works 
so well that some 49.000 employees gen. 
ated a total of 535,000 voluntary sug- 
ns in one year on how to improve 
ssembly line. When was the last 
пе an American suggestion box was 
verstulled? 


. 

Mayhe nothing better explains how 
the Japanese got into the catbird seat 
of international trade in the past 20 
years than the motorcycle story. I is 
the sad saga of commercial complacenc 
in а captive culture, reveling how 
Americans, prisoners of their own 
mythology. lost the war of the market 
place without properly entering the race. 
so shows the power of the movies. 
Back in the Fifties, when America was 
post-World V 
nd Japan 
hes, looking for a few 
good ideas. a motorcycle іп America 
was a big rumbling Harley-Davidson 
1200-c.c, thing that thugs, cops and 
nostalgia bulls drove around. It w 
definitely not what your upwardly mo- 
bile law student rede to class or what 
your young businessman had in mind 
for his image building. 

Ihe myth of the 
motorcyclist. was r 


bursting with 
industrial. might 
ing out of the 


adman Killer as 
nloreed by Marlon 


Brando in The Wild One, Holly 
wood's | 10 wwowhceled violence. 
The motion that one might break 


through that mythology with the image 
оГ a little old lady carrying shopping 
bags on a motorcycle never entered the 
minds of America’s machine makers. A 
motorcycle, they seemed to believe, came 
with black le; т, chains and a switch- 
blade Кийе. 

What they di count on 
Soichiro Honda. a delinquent. Japanese 
village boy who never saw an automobile 
until he was n years old. Honda did 
for transportation in the second half of 
this century what Henry Ford had done 
in the first: He put the world on wheels. 

Twenty years ago, Harley-Davidson, 
large American motorcycle 
nulacturer, was selling about 10.000. 
es per year and had a virtual corner 
on the U. 5. market. In 1979, Harley sold 
just over 50,000 motorcycles. But in that 
same year, more than 1,000,000 motor 
cydes were sold in the U. S.; 91 percent 
of them were Japanese. 

“Harley belongs to 2 


was 


MF: they build a 


push-rod bike and they seem content to 
cater to that small portion of the market 
that loves a Harley,” says one highrank- 
g American at a Japanese motorcycle 
company. Innovation is what Harley- 
Davidson—not to mention Detroit—is 
not about. Harley's only 
design changes in modern times have 
been the introduction of ап American- 
made rubber-belt drive, plus new elec 
trical equipment and carburctors—both 
made in Japan. 

By the late Fifties, even into the carly 
Sixties, the very notion of a m 
produced, arketed motorcycle 
the United States—then and now the 
greatest market in the world—was met 
with either ridicule or derision by the 
men who make the American transpor- 
tation machine go. Never mind that 
there were more than 200,000,000 Amer- 
icans not yet riding motorbikes: forget 
about South Califor s меа nd 
а U.S. Sun Belt that makes the rest of 
the world look like subm € country: 
don't mention the fact that American 
students and young workingmen have 
ney and greater transportation 
d more leisure than any other 
5yearold population in the 
"orld: The Americans wouldn't touch it. 
Honda moved in. 

Nobody told them it couldnt be 
done," laughs one Harley-Davidson. ex- 
ecutive today. 

The great 


breakthrough year was 
1962. That when Honda ran its 
revolutionary space ad proclaiming. 
"You meet the nicest people on a 
Honda." The ad showed not Brando 
and his friends but 11 pleasant people 
on bikes—ihe original | step-through 
moped Honda 90. Even more revolu- 
ry. five of the people were fer 

and опе was carrying a dog! It was onc 
of the classics of modern marketing and 
advertising, the tiny seed that grew into 
over 400.000 units sold in 1979 in the 
United States by Honda (plus апо 
510,000 by Japan's three other large 
motorcycle builders). Not bound by the 
Hollywood-promoted notion that Amer- 
icans would not accept motorcycles, 
Honda attacked his product's image 
problem head on. He went to the root of 
a cultural bias in the largest free country 


tio 


of them all, and he won. It was a more 
daring and successful step than any U. S. 
manufacturer was willing to 

he key says Gene 


vice-president of marketing 
ki and а foreign legionnaire of the two- 
wheeled trade, “was that the Japa 
doggedly pursued what would 
the American market. People wi 
jokes about cheap goods con 
out of Japan when Honda brought in 
the 90-c.c. But that was their foot in the 
door. The little bikes were their seed 
in the ground. 

"These little bikes were obviously not 


DETROIT: BORN AGAIN 


motor city has new fervor these days—the fervor 
of someone who has been to the brink, and knows it 


Japan may be the best thing that's 
ppened to Detroit since Henry 
Ford. He breathed industrial life into 
the city with his first assembly lines 
and low prices 70 years ago. But by 
mid-1980, Detroit had become a sym- 
bol of all that was wrong with Ame 
and right with Japan. As many 
300.000 17.5. auto workers were laid 
dozen plants were closed, 1400 
lerships had gone out of business. 

But the turning point on the long 
road back to competitiveness was 
signaled last year when William O. 
Bourke, then executive vice-president 
at Ford, admitted something millions 
of American car buyers 
discovered for themselves: 
standard of the world today 
Japanese.” 

That the Japan ave set the in- 
ternational standard had already 
been proved by Detroit's increasing 
imitation of Japancse cars, both in 
styling and in engineering. As far 
back as 1971. Chrysler made its deal 
with Mitsubishi for the production 
of its subcompacts, the Colt and the 
Champ; but not until 1979 did it 
advertise blatantly that "one of Ja- 
pan's most technologically advanced 
s is a Dodge 

By the late Seventie: 
U.S. auto makers knew more w 
needed. General Motors beat th 
pack with its introduction in late 
9 of the X-cars, a line of compa 
five passenger front-wheel-drive ve- 
hicles with greater fuel economy th 
most American automobiles. A year 
later. Chrysler. entered the lists with. 
the larger K-cars (a single design 1 
is sold in three Plymouth styles and 
three Dodge styles). It is in аррса 
ance and size (and. alas. in some of 
the interior finishes) still very much 
an American car; but with its smaller 
2.2.liter four-cylinder engine (or op- 
tional 2,6-liter engine bu 
in Japan) and front-wheel drive. it is 
fleet foot and tighter to handle than 
previous Chrysler models. It also gets 
about 25 miles per gallon. 

Ford, meanwhile. has struck ba 


s 


all three giant 


with its "world car." the Eseort/Ly 
that is a high-mileage, tightly built 


t with a Es 


apean feel to it. 
as 
Ct from the parent company, is 
ple largest. most profitable 
auto maker in the world. For decades, 
Ford has produced high-quality, 


geeficient cars that sold well 
haps the toughest market on 
: Germany. 

"These hometown boys in Detroi 
have ripped off the American. public 


for years." claims Monthly Detroit 
senior editor Kirk Cheyfuz. “They 
have always built better cars 


Europe than they were building 
home. The only question is their pe 
ception of what sells in America 


That's where they have failed in the 
past. 

Detroit y 
its mistakes—and [rc горе and 


Japan. as well. "The first thing I 
noticed on the new Escort," s 
Toyota's senior vice-president Norm 
Le that the side trims had 
been nicely rounded off, instead of 
cut square with a sharp edge. That 
shows a degree of concern we've never 
seen from Detroit befor 

Even with some of the most chau- 
vinistic advertising campaigns. since 
World V Т 


Americans seem to want to give De- 
шой a badly needed second chance. 
The mood of the car buyer last fall 
was definitely very pro«lomestic," says 
auto analyst Maryann Keller of Paine 
Webber Mitchell Hutchins. With as 
much as 20 percent of the economy 
directly affected by the car business— 
and an even larger chunk of nationa 
pride at stake—there is a commu 
mission in making the comebs 
work. After Detroit's close brush with 
the grim reaper of bankruptcy. the 
industry seems on the verge of a 
second life generated by its own past 
sins and the Japanese challenge. 

The jury is still owt on whether or 
not the new life will last beyond 
fancy, but born maker Lee 
occas daring nomination of 
United Auto Workers leader Douglas 
Fraser to the Chrysler board of direc 
tors represents a breakthrough Irom 
confrontation to cooperation between 
management and labor. Chrysler's 
U.S. Government loan иес», 
which require auto makers ov- 
ernment ollicials to rub elbows from 
time to time, n 
sary to partnership between bu 
amd government. Bitter as the pill may 
be, America seems to be leaming from 
the communal society that works. 

RR. 


195 


PLAYBOY 


tailored to the U. S. market. The main 
thing they did was prove there was a 
market that the American manufacturers 
had ignored. Then the logical thing 
to build bigger bikes—the 370, the 450 
and, finally, the 750, the first four-stroke. 
There was no competition in the United 
States with what the Japanese were able 
to do. What the Japanese did was give 
the Americans, one, a bike size they 
could handle and, two, an image they 
could live with. 

“You could liken the whole motor- 
cycle thing to the emergence of the auto 
industry alter World War Two. The 
two-car family was the big breakthrough 


in the Filties. Imagine what that meant 
in market expansion! The motorcycle 
business was a similar situation—except 


that there was no product to fill the necd. 

“The Japanese filled a need—cheap 
tansportation—but they also created 
one. They found a great big void in the 
United Stares—they filled it, developed 
and expanded it. Now it's all theirs." 

. 

From the air, Japan is а sculpted 
garden. As the JAL 747 makes Pacific 
landfall on the flight from Mexico 
City (I have been wined and dined in 
the incomparable luxury of a sleeper 
service that only the Japanese would 
think of), the mighty, misty sprawl of 
Tokyo lies ahead, but the ground below 
looks like bonsai diwork. Hills are 
terraced; rice paddies are carved like 
butter on a tray ds are planted 
like tiny decorations on a cakelike 
landscape. 

Later. the Shinkansen bullet train to 
Kyoto defines the time warp that is 
modern Japan: Land and buildings 
and people fly by so fast (140 mph) that 
nothing is recognizable except, on a 
clear day. snow-capped Mount Fuji in 
the far distance. What stands out, 
oddly, is the attention. to detail. At a 
train ion, the 4" х 2 plots of earth 
between the pi ng have 
I been turned into c shrub 
lens. Even in the where 


Ginza, 
a couple of million shopgirls pass along 


the sidewalks every day alter work, the 
narrow space beside the curb is planted 
th geraniums, miraculously untram- 
pled. Every hotel in Tokyo has its rock 
garden, a piece of earth sculpture. 
Thinking small, Japanese style, has 
conquered the world. 

"We tend to care more about the 


small things, I think" says Mike 
Morimoto. “If you look at Japanese 
gardens, you see we have such a small 


house, but in that tiny garden, we have 
so much variet, 
"Even Japar they are small, 
but we have tiny luxuries." 
And that. class, is how the Japanese 


won the war. 


cars, 


when the 

going 
gets tough, 
the tough 


get 
themselves 
an ad 


campaign 


anese and German car makers aren't 
encumbered with affirmative-action 
quotas? TU put it bluntly: When 
Toyota, Datsun, Volkswagen and the 
rest hire ten percent black and ten 
percent Hispanic employees to work 
in their plants back home, then—and 
only then—should we allow their 
products to be distributed here in 
the U.S! 


Hi, I'm Mr. Whitecoat. I’m the symbol 
of the combined enginecring, design 
and marketing skills of America’s auto- 
mobile manufacturers. I'm here to tell 
you about an organization called Patri- 
otic Americans for National Import 
Constraints. 

More about PANIC later. First, meet 
the family. The missus has a woman's 
eye for quality and luxury, and enough 
shopper's savvy to know that buying 
things in small packages costs more. 


Fact: The total poundage of such 
Government-mandated safely parapher- 
nalia as high-impact bumpers, dashboard 
padding, heavy-duty door locks and seat 
belts is enough to crush more than 
10,000 classrooms full of healthy chil- 
dren. A shocking statistic? Apparently 
not shocking enough for the bureau- 
crats in Voter City to take into account 
when they set minimum-mileage stand- 
ards for domestic automobiles. Let's be 
reasonable: Safety or gas economy— 
choose one if you must, but you can't 
have both! 


And say hello to the little Whitecoats. 
They're having a hard time finding 
American-made bicycles. They wonder 
if by the lime they're ready to choose 
their first automobiles, there'll still be 
fine new or previously owned American 
cars around for them to purchase. To 
tell you the truth, I wonder, too. 

I believe in straight talk, not a lot of 
grinning and modding and sneaking 
around the issuc. And the plain truth is 
that we're all in a fix. Auto workers 
jobless. Plants idled. Unsold cars. And 
imports accounting for nearly one out 
of every three new cars sold in the U.S. 
That's why PANIC needs your support. 


Tell me this: Are the bleeding hearts 
in Washington demanding catalytic con- 
verters on Mount St. Helens? Hardly— 
and, frankly, we don’t expect them to, 
even though last year, natural pollution 
was far worse than that produced by 
automobiles. But we do expect Congress 
to stop burdening Detroit with more 
than its rightful share of the clean-air 
load. “Fair is fair!” say the auto makers. 
“You lay off on pollution standards and 
we'll stop laying off workers!” 


Let's talk straight: When the bu- 
reaucrats in the Federal Government 
get it into their heads that some 
American car has a life-threatening 
design defect, what do they do? They 
make owners send their vehicles back 
to the factory of origin at Detroit's 
expense! But when something goes 
wrong with, say a Subaru or a Mazda, 
no one orders the manufacturer to 
ship it all the way back to the plant 
for repairs. An evenhanded safety 
policy? Not on your life! Our demand: 
Total recall . . . 


Everybody knows that the liability of 
air carriers—even foreign ones—is limit- 
ed by the Warsaw Convention. Shouldn't 
our auto makers be similarly protected? 
“You bet!” cried the scores of public- 
spirited insurance underwriters who 
gathered last summer in Wausau, 
Wisconsin—al their own expense—to 
hammer out a “bill of immunity” for 
automobile companies and their execu- 
lives. Now consumer voters from coast 
to coast are clamoring for Congression- 
al ratification of the Wausau Conven- 
tion, and it’s casy to sec why: With no 
more nuisance lawsuits lo worry about, 
Detroit will be able to concentrate on 
building the cars America really wants! 


One Inst point: Every year, aliens 
living in the United States have to 
register with the Federal Government. 
And if they want to work in this coun- 
try, they have to fill out dozens of 
applications and, at best, wait months 
before earning the “green card” that 
permits them to accept employment. 
Well, every foreign car that reaches our 
shores exacts ils own terrible bounty— 
in American gasoline, in American jobs 
and, last but not least, in American prof- 
its. Is it really too much to ask those 
citizens who persist in buying them to go 
to Washington every year and fill out a 
few forms? We want mandatory registra- 
tion of all foreign cars—and ше want 
il now! 


Little Whitey is wagging his tail, 
and I think that means he'd like you 
to join with us in our drive to keep 
the cars and stripes a proud part of 
the American way of life. Join us. 
Honk for PANIC, Thank you and 
God bless you. 


TV ILLUSTRATIONS BY MARK D. BLANTON GRAPHICS GROUP 


197 


PLAYBOY 


198 


Minti (continued from page 133) 


“With Terri and Candy, I have а peer group, a fam- 


ily. We have the same problems, the same friends. 


2» 


in the summer of 1976 with aspirations of 
establishing a career in show business. She 
met Hugh Hefner at a party at Playboy 
Mansion West that summer and decided 
to try out for Playmate of the Month. She 
became Hef's constant companion soon 
after he and longtime girlfriend Barbi 
Benton parted. The rest is history, and 
inspired a couple of paragraphs in People 
magazine, where she was originally iden- 
tified as singer Donna Theodore and, 
more recently, pictured celebrating. the 
fourth anniversary of their romance with 
an enthusiastic kiss for a male stripper at 
Chippendale's. A glance at the story that 
accompanied Sondra's July 1977 Playmate 
pictorial reveals that the diamond neck- 
lace she wore—spelling the enigmatic 
words Baby Blue—refers to the name of 
a Barry White tune that was being played 
the first time she danced with Hef. Sev- 
eral small parts in films and television 
followed Sondra's Playmate appearance 
nd she decided to rent an unfur еа 
five-room apartment off Sunset Boulevard, 
near the sprawling UCLA campus, and 
conveniently close to the Man She 
loved the fireplace in the living room— 
and all the space that the five rooms 
afforded her—but she knew she needed a 
roommate. “I was never there," she con- 
fesses. “I would come home and the place 
just wouldn't feel lived in. I needed some- 
one to water my plants, to confide in and 
hang out with when I wasn't away on a 
Playmate promotion or doing a movie 
[she spent most of the summer of 1977 in 
St. Louis, shooting Stingray] or spending 
time with Hef.” 

Sondra took her time decorating the 


apartment and looking for the right. per- 
son with whom to share it. Her first 
choice was an aspiring singer from Eng- 


land who wa 
local restaur: ng to be discovered. 
She was. but soon after her. Hollywood 
singing debut, she went on the road— 
returning only long enough to announce 


that she had fallen in love and was mov- 
ing to New York to get married, 
Enter Candy Loving. Candy was а stu- 


nt at the Universi 
viov discovered h 


y of Oklahoma whe 
v during the Great 
lucted for our 


Ani 
friends while Candy was 
centerfold on the West Coast. Candy had 
been married but was separated from her 
husband, When she chosen as the 
ilver Anniversary Playmate (January 
1979), she decided 10 move to Hollywood 
nd moved in with Sondra. (Many of 
LAYBOY's centerfold die ve become 


dose friends while working for the maga 
zine over the years, and two other 
mates discovered during the Gi 
ymate Hunt—Missy Cleveland (April 
1979) and Michele Drake (May 1979)— 
are currently living as roommates in Los 
Angeles.) 

Candy had intended to try Hollywood 
for a year and return to the University 
of Oklahoma for her degree (she was a 
senior. majoring in public relations) 
things didn't go well for her, but they did. 
"I got more practical experience in public 
relations in my first year with PLAYBOY 
doing Playmate promotions than I did in 
three years at the u “she now 
concedes. But she is quick | to add, “I 
think they're both important—a formal 
educa nd practical experience. I'm 
1 1 had the opportunity to get both 
Candy's Playmate promotions have 
her across the country, to Ca 
Japan, but she has also foi 
acting (a small p: 
Stardust Memories and a major role on 
TV's Sheriff Lobo), television. commer- 
cials, talk shows (Merv Griffin) and mod- 
cling (Johnny Casablancas of Elite—one 
of the top model agencies in the coun- 


еп 
da and 
1 time to try 
in Woody Allen's 


try—saw and promptly signed her). 
Sondra and Candy hadn't intended to 
invite a third roommate to share the 


rtment until they met ‘Ten 
Enter Terri Welles. Terri grew up in 
San Diego, where she dated—from time 
to time—a building designer-developer, 
who happened to be Sondra's older broth 
er. Terri was a flight 
PSA and then for United Ai 
PLAYHOY's editors went looking fo 
appropriate cover girl for our May 1980 

uring the well-remembered pic- 
torial on airline stewardesses. Terri seemed 
the perfect choice. Terri turned in her 
flight attendant’s wings, became a Playboy 
Model. and then decided to become a 
Playmate (December 1980, for any of you 
who haven't been paying attention). 
When Teri moved to Los Angeles and 
needed a place to stay. Sondra offered 
her room with her and Candy. Well. it 


sure beat putting up at the Y.W.C.A. 
With Teri, that actually meant five 
in the apartment: three Playmates and 


two sn 


1 dogs—lovingly referred to as 


The Lady and The Tramp. The Lady is 
Tenis pedigree Yorki, Bridgette. The 
ір is Sondra's shaggy terrier, of un- 


doggy hi Sonda purchased him 
from the local dog pound for 511. Whei 
we arrived to shoot tl 
torial, our Playmates insisted ti 


ette and Alex sign model releases, too. 
They dipped their paws in jnk and 
pressed them on the forms, wh 
file in our West Coast photo stud: 

How does the situation work out? 
“Sometimes I just suffer people shock," 
Sondra. “Then I head for the apart- 


ment, settle back and become human 
again. With Terri and Candy, I have a 


peer group, a family. We have the same 
problems, the same friends. We know how 
to laugh together. We know when some- 
one needs а hug. It's like being in the 
same school, sitting with the same people 
t lunch. We know what we like, what's 
right for us.” 

“The girls constantly compare notes on 
their careers. Before Candy went out on 
her first promotional tour as our 25th 
Anniversary Playmate, she asked Sondra's 
advice on how to handle the too-friendly 
fans when signing autographs. When 
Terri was preparing for her first Playmate 
promotion, she had two seasoned veterans 
to turn to for advice. T irls tend to 
deal with their problems with humor, 
poking fun at one another until their 
concerns turn into laughter. It is unusual 
for three such beautiful women to become 
such close friends. but Playmates belong 
toas sorority. They have a sense of 
sisterhood. When Sondra helped put to- 
gether the Singing Playmates, a newly 
formed pop vocal group composed en- 
tirely of centerfold models from the pages 
of ptaynoy, Terri had to be a part of 
though she had no previous vocal train- 
Within a few weeks, she had become 
real showstopper. “Ti i natural 
says Sondra. ancing, 
acting—she's great at whatever she tries. 
She can be a star—if she wants it badly 
enough." тї laughs, but she also knows 
that Blondie's Deborah Harry was once 
a Bunny in the New York Playboy Club. 

For all the glamor of their lives—the 
parties at е Mansion, the lunches at 
Le Dome, the dates with Hollywood ce- 
lebrities—the girls are amazingly down- 
home. They are just as likely to be found 
curled up in front of the TV, watching 
a Flintstones special, 
to arrive. The three recount tales of pil 
into Sondra's VW in je: ‘T-shirts 

iving up to LAs famous 
Faire and spending the day 
k, watching the citizens 
medieval garb. Now career op- 
portunities may be breaking up the 
Candy is considering going to New York 
the spring for another round of model- 


iting for the pizza 
ng 


ing assignments for Elite. “But only for 
a little while” she says. Terri is working 
in a new Michael Crichton film, The 
Looker first ee at acting, Crich- 
ton * Sondra 
spends her d. arsal and recording 
with the 5 ymates. But for now, 
they are just three girls, sharing the rent 


while trying to make 


in Hollywood. 


durs 


“That's the Golden Fleece?” 


Й PLAYBOY POTPOURRI 


people, places, objects and events of interest or amusement 


CIRCUS MAXIMUS 
Happily, the circus still comes to town, but the number of 
companies that print colorful woodcut circus posters has dwindled 
to one—a small printing plant in Ohio. Poster Pals, 1003 Crest 
Circle, Cincinnati, Ohio 45208, has cornered the market on that 
company's production, and for one dollar it will send you a 
flier that lists a menagerie of designs ranging from 14" x 42! 
clowns and acrobats for $6.95 to billboard-sized snarling big 
cats for $62.50. Now you can have two tigers in the bedroom. 


GOING TO CRIPPLE CREEK 
If you've seen the wild and crazy cowboy hats 
that Burt Reynolds, Bobby Bare and Willie 
Nelson have been sporting lately, we think you'll 
want to know that these custom fur felt 
numbers are made by the Cripple Creek Hat 
Company, at 136 Cass Street, Woodstock, 
Mlinois 60098. Cripple Creek will dude up a hat 
any way you like—with rattlesnake skin, fox 
jaws, bear hair, coyote fur, quail wings and Е 
more—for about $250. And if you fall off your 
horse, it will reshape the hat at no extra charge. PAYING THE PIPER 
Drop by any pipe store and you'll see racks of carved meerschaums 
done in the likenesses of lions, elephants, Turks and God 
knows what. But if you're seeking the kind of carved meerschaums 
that men really like, check with a company called CAO Meer- 
schaums, P.O. Box 15351, Nashville, Tennessee 37215. Its line 
of erotic meerschaums— which sell for about $150 to $500— 
leaves nothing to the imagination. Five dollars gets you the regular 
catalog—plus some feelthy pictures of the good stuff. 


OLDIES 
The Renovator's Supply, in Millers Falls, Mas- 
sachusetts 01349, is “the source for fine old-style 
hardware, lighting, plumbing and other not 
generally-available supplies." And if you 
don’t believe its own drumbeating, invest 
two dollars in Renovator's latest supply book 
and sec for yourself. It’s stuffed with every 
kind of oldfangled paraphernalia your grandpa 
could desire, from Victorian door plates for $6 
to $560 pull-chain toilets with solid-oak water 
N tanks. Now, that's what we call a dear john. 


DOGGING IT 
The rumor is that Ashley Books, 30 Main 
Street, Port Washington, New York 
11050, is going to the dogs. Its latest title, 
How to Judge Your Personality by the 
Dog You Own, is definitely a howl. But 
after spending $10.25 to discover that your 
penchant for Dobermans classifies you 
as “neater than thou,” you may have a 
bone to pick with author Dick Haefner. 
Most breeds are covered—and there's even 
a chapter for cat freaks, too. Woof! 


UNDER FULL SAIL 
Now that you've raised the Titanic and 
want to rechristen it, check with a 
company called Full Sail, at P.O. Box 
720076, Atlanta, Georgia 30358. Its 
specialty is custom yacht lettering and for 
$300 to about $1500—plus travel ex- 
penses—it will tackle anything from a 
dinghy to an oceangoer. (Or, if you're 
more Mario Andretti than Captain Bligh, 
it does race-car lettering, too.) Up anchor; 
the Yachtsa Luck sails at dawn. 


KNOW-IT-ALL 
‘The next time you have a pre- 
monition on any subject from 
who'll win next year’s Super 
Bowl to tomorrow's price of gas, 
drop I Told You So! Inc., at 
P.O. Box 225, Bound Brook, New 
Jersey 08805, a line. It runs an 
unusual prediction service that, 
for two dollars, registers your 
prediction, and it it comes true, 
you can pay an additional $3.50 
and get a diploma-sized certificate 
to shove under the nose of all 
the people to whom you bragged 
about your prediction. And if 
you're really a big spender, it 
sells I Told You So! T-shirts, 
plus one free prediction, for only 
$8, postpaid. If your prediction 
doesn't come true, don't say 
we didn't tell you so. 


SO RARE 


Looking to buy a lighthouse off 
the Pacific Coast or a Roman 
road once owned by William the 
Conqueror? Contact Rare Earth 
Enterprises, P.O. Box 946, 
Sausalito, California 94966. Six 
times a year, for the modest 
charter-subscription price of $36, 
you'll receive a unique newsletter 
called the Rare Earth Report, 
which gives sale prices of some of 
the world's most exotic proper- 
ties. And since Rare Earth isn't a 
real-estate agent, you're free to 
contact the seller and do your 
own dickering. If it's total 
seclusion you're seeking, it even 
lists an inactive volcano in 

the Canary Islands for $95,000— 
with ruins thrown in free. 


CUEING UP 
"The Manhattan showroom of 
Designs for Leisure Ltd., at 306 
East 6lst Street, 10021, is prob- 
ably the classiest pool hall in 
town. Its standard selection in- 
cludes just about every style of 
pocket and bumper-pool table 
you could shake a cue stick at— 
including a 414! x 9 reproduc- 
tion of an antique pocket pool 
table that will set you back about 
$4000. The Manhattan, a more 
modern stainless-steel model, 
also chalks up at $4000. And if 
you're truly a hot stick, there’s 
even a superluxe brass or bronze 
style called The Rainbow that 
will reduce your savings by 
$14,000. All tables are described 
in a brochure, which goes for a 
buck. It’s your shot, Fats 


201 


PLAYBOY 


202 


CRONKITE'S LAST STAND 


(continued from page 131) 


“Now the face comes into view—seamed, weathered, 
yet timeless, like a Mount Rushmore sculpture.” 


anchor man around here—and he'd as 
soon bust you back to re as spit into 
mesquite. Old Man goes by the book! 

Beyond the parade grounds is the en- 
trance to the PX, where Sergeant 
CHARLES KURALT (played by Victor Mc- 
Laglen) is seen emerging from a doorway 
into sunlight. RURALT is tucking his uni 
form tunic into his pants with one hand, 
blowing his nose into a large red ban- 
danna with the other. 


cnuek (offcameray: Hey, Sarge! That 
wouldn't be a tear in your eye, now, 
would it? 

KURALT (blustery): A tear, is it! Mind 


yer tongue, now, ye little flibbertigibber, 
before I put a fist into yer make 
tear! Be; piece of dust in 
" mor Ah. but lads, a 
tis a sad day. (Blows his 
nose again, grandly) 
corr (approaching Kumar diffident- 
ly): They say you rode with the Old Man. 
KURALT: Rode with “im. Rode with 
„ ye say. Why, lads, I was on the road 
with ‘im when you were still mouthin® 
practice voice-overs into a dinner fork! 
idn't I stand alongside ‘im when he 
aced down Chuck Colson and Big John 
rlichman and that whole scurvy crew? 
asn’t 1 shoulder to shoulder with ‘im 
when Armstrong landed on the moon? 
Why, wasn't it old Sergeant Kuralt him- 
self who dug up all the inside dope 
when he broke the Soviet wheat-deal 
th, without me, lads 


FIRM VOICE (offcamera): Sergeant. your 
uniform is a di ce to the CBS dress 
code, and you're throwin’ out more hot 
air Шав an Action News reporter at a 
staged media event. Ten- HUT! 

KURALT hurriedly salutes, snaps to at- 
tention, his eyes rolling and his lips 
pursed. cur To CHUCK and ѕсотт, their 
faces slack with awe. 

CHUCK (in whisper): l's—ivs him! 

cur to a double row of suit buttons. 
As the camera pulls back, we are aware 
of a regulation CBS necktie that is 
knotted loosely to one side, іп a trade- 
mark style. Now the face comes into 
view—seamed, weathered, yet somehow 
timeless, like a Mount Rushmore sculp- 
ture. We see the set lips, the trim mus- 
tache and the famous blue eyes that 
glitter in the sunlight with what seems 
to be a martinet's stare. 

WALTER CRONKITE: 
Sergeant Kuralı! 

KURALE: Why 
well, you see, 
that —— 

CRONKITE (features relaxing into а lop- 
sided grin); As you were, sergeant! (To 
the recruits) Boys, you have the honor 
of... lookin’ upon one of the . . . finest 
dag-blasted correspondents that ever im- 
provised a news lead оп B-copy 
rial on deadline. Sergeant Kuralt, 
counting on you . see that these 
young syu gers fresh outa some 
Eastern journalism school learn the right 


xplain yoursell, 


I was just—that is, I— 
I never meant to imply 


"No, Warren, I don't want to play strip poker!" 


ta... use a hand mike after I'm 
gone. That's un order, sergeant! (Claps 
KURALT on [he shoulder) 

RURALE (proudly clicking his heels): 
Yes, sir! 

FADE as KURALT and the recruits watch 
снохкате touch his Stetson and amble 
away in his famous rolling stride. 


SCENE IL 


INTERIOR sHiotT—the office of the com- 
mandant, GENERAL WILLIAMS. PALEY 
(played by J. Carroll. Nash). Paley, his 
uniform tunic partly unbuttoned, is рас- 
ing back and forth in front of his desk. 
An impassive COLONEL MIKE WALLACE 
(played by Victor Jory) stands at atten- 
tion. 

paey (snatching a La Palina cigar 
from his month): Where the devil is 
Rather? Should’ve been back hours ago! 

WALLACE (smoothly): 1 understand, sir, 
that hc is on a mission. 

LEY: Mission! What kind of mis- 
Nobody authorized Rather to go 
out on a mission! Not today, ol all days! 

WALLAC (discreetly clearing his 
throat): My sources tell me, sir, that 
Rather appointed himself on this mis- 
sion. It seems that he has disguised him- 
self as a Republican and contrived to be 
smuggled into Minncapolis. We expect 


s 


his report momentarily on condi- 
tions 
PALEY: Republic Minneapolis! 


Doesn't that hotheaded fool realize he's 
placed himself and this whole network 
in great jeopardy? If they catch him, 
he'll look like Telly Savalas when they've 
finished! What good's he to us then? 
Crazy випро 

WALLACE: If it would be of ai 
sir, I have obtained photocop 
Rathers contract, in which he 
not to place his hair i ger. If you'll 
give me a film crew, TIL be 
confront him with this matter— 

PALEY (waving): No, no. Jehoshaphat, 
Wallace! Sometimes I think you'd con- 
front me if you had the goods. Gives me 
the creeps. No, Rather's а good man, 
Wallace. But fool (Mimics DAN 
RATHER'S voice) . President, 
d ol nonsense, (Stares 
out the window) ys hoped the Old 
ve a settling influence on 
him. Didn't seem to. Sometimes I won- 
der if I'm doing the right thing—turr 
g this fort over to him. Where's Roone 
Arledge when I need hin 

WALLACE: Speaking of Roone Arledg: 
sir, I have obtained copies of cert 


documents... . 
PALEY: Thatll be all, Wallace, (war 
LACE exils. PALEY sighs, continues to 


stare out the window) Nothing to do 
now but... sit and wait. Why did I 
ever let go of Charlie McCarthy? 


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PLAYBOY 


204 


long until sunset. We are in а remote 
corner of Fort Black Rock: a little grassy 
hillock with—incongruously enough—a 
willow tree and a brook in the back- 
ground. 

The tall figure of сиохкіте, partly in 
silhouette, commands the scene. He is 
standing alone, reading from what ap- 
pears to be a handwritten letter. Out of 
sight of the troops, CRONKITE has allowed 
his stern martinet bearing to soften. We 
see a certain rough gentleness in his fe 
tures. He has unbuttoned his dress jacket 
and placed it over his shoulders, cape 
style. 

ÁS CRONKITE stands reading, a figure 
approaches him uncertainly from be- 
hind. Н is Lestey stani (played by 
Joanne Dru), the beautiful but inde- 
pendent-minded female correspondent at 
the fort. STAHL is wearing a long black 
shirt and a ruffled white blouse with a 
high collar. Her hair is done up in а 
severe bun, but a breeze tugs at the loose 
strands. The same breeze flutters crox- 
KITE'S lie. 

We hear Mitch Miller's chorus, softly 
humming "Red River Valley." 

STAHL (nervously but with resolve in 
her voice): Well—Mr. Cronkite! The de- 
parting hero eludes his troops! A lot of 
girls I know would consider this a 
chance in a million. 

CRONKITE pivots his torso from the 
waist, flings his head back over his shoul- 
der. He raises a quizzical eyebrow, then 
touches his forelock in a kind of salute. 

CRONKITE: Miss Stahl! To what do I 
owe the... honor of this unexpected 
encounter? (Remembers his unbuttoned 
tunic) Ег... I fear that you have appre- 
hended me in, er. some degree of sar- 
torial embarrassment! 

stan (stamping her foot): Oooh! You 
men, with your talk of sartorials and 
your stop watches and your awful lag 
lines, as though the news were 
kind of glorious parade, instead of the 
ugly, horrid business that it is! 

CRONKITE (touching his forelock again 
Say, you're а 1 But, А 
Stahl, ma'am . Т recollect th; 
in newslady insisted on an assignment 
against the better judgment 
s. Including 

stant: Including one Walter Cron- 
kite, convention hero and anchor man, 
unless I miss my guess. Oh, E know what 
you think of women serving in the news, 
Mr. Cronkite. I listened to your officers'- 
club about Barbara Walters. 
don't think I didn’t! Well, let me tell 
you something, Mr. Space Coverage, Mr. 
Thats the Way It Is! I'm a woman, 
yes—and proud of it! It so happens I 
can опт, outmike, outinterview, oul- 
stand-up and onfadlib amy of the so- 
called men in your command! And 
what's more, I— (stant breaks off; 
presses a hankie to her eyes) 

CRONKITE (flustered): Whoa! Ki 


rema 


tape 


there, ma'am! Take five! (Gestures awh- 
wardly) Ma'am, I'm an old soldier. I 
reckon I don't know any trade except 
networking . . . it's been my whole life. 
(The Mitch Miller chorus swells) I 
fought alongside some mighty big men. 
Miss Stahl... men with names a . .. 
young lady your age might not even 


recognize. Men like... Ed Murrow 
and Charles Collingwood and Eric 
Sevareid. Yes, and Dan $ . Those 


were men who built the CBS network 
news, and .. . held it strong against the 
forces that would seck to destroy Шс... 
free flow of information that is essential 
to а... democratic society— (crox- 
KITE breaks off, gives his head a shake, 
as if coming out of a dream. The Miller 
chorus stops abruptly) But here I am. 
makin’ chin music about things tha 
happened a . . . long time ago. What 1 
meant to say, Miss Stahl, is . . . well, if I 
was ever lookin’ down the barrel of dead 
air up in the booth, an’ I needed a quick 
fill, why . . . you're the person I'd most 
likely wanta throw it to, ma'am. 

sram (looking quickly away): Oh, 
Mr. Cronkite! I've been such a fool! A 
woman hides her true feelings some- 
nes . . па now that the broadcast is 
ly over, I feel as though I have the 
microphone but can't sce the words on 
my hearts TelePrompTer! What 1 mean 
to say is that—well, I just w 
know that 1—— 

voice — (offcamera): 
Cronkite! 

CRONKITE (lifting his head): Yo! 

VOICE: General Paley’s orders, sir! 
You're to report to headquarters at once! 


nt you to 


Walter! Walter 


Our scouts have sighted Rather. sit! He's 
for the fort! 

mE (touching 
the 


his forelock): 
(Exits, as Mitch. Miller 
chorus crescendos. stam. stands, smiling 
wistfully, as the wind blows strands of 
her hair. FADE.) 


E IV 


wine ѕнот of the parade grounds. CBS 
troopers scurrying to man the battle- 
ments. A trumpet sounds. A squad of 
securily guards rushes to lijt the enor- 
mous latch from the main gate. As the 
gale swings open, we hear hoofbeats; 
then RATHER gallops through at full 
speed, flashing his laminated security 
pass. (RATHER is played by the young 
Ben Johnson.) 

RATHER dismounts at full gallop, send- 
ing up a cloud of dust. He comes to a 
halt, saluting and grinning, before 
PALEY, who stands impassive, hands be- 
lind back. 

RATHER: Licutena 
er reporting for duty—sirl 

PALEY (gravely returning the salute): 
Lieutenant Rather. Very good of you to 
join us. We had feared that perhaps 
your pressing agenda would preclude our 
meager hospitalit 


RATHER (not catching the irony): Оһ, 
no, sir! I in Minneapolis, sir! Dis- 
guised as a Republican! Lots of hard- 
hitting facts! Next week I'm going to 
smuggle myself inside NBC! Disguised 
as Fred Silverman! Might get killed! 
Line of duty, sirt 

PALEY: Lieutenant Rather, you have 
exactly 15 minutes to get yourself out of 
those idiotic horn-rimmed gla 
that blond wig and into regula 
ines. You are to assume the an- 
chorship of this network, God help us 
at precisely 1830 hours! 

RATHER: Sir, does this mean I'll have 
to stop saying, ‘I'm Dan Rather. These 
and other stories tonight when 60 Min- 
ules con’ 

PALE 
ing к 


n! 


: Dismissed! (To himself, watch- 
ER leave) ІСІ be different 
around here now. The new order. 1 
only hope that beneath that hell-for- 
leather exterior, the lad hı ne tenth of 
the Old Man’s judgment. Savvy. Not to 
mention audience demographics. 
VOICE (behind PALEY): Sir, 1 һауе ob- 
ined an exclusive file regarding Dan 
Rather's demograp! 

PALEY (with а start): Wallace! Thun- 
deration, man! Don't you make any 
noise when you walk? 

FADE. 


A 


SCENE V 


The Fort Black Rock parade grounds 
is in gleaming ceremonial dress: vows of 
Minicams stacked. smartly, helicopters 
and official limousines іп formation. 
Above it all, against a scarlet twilight 
sky, waves the flag—the black-and-white 
CBS Eye. 

DISSOLVE To а shot of KURALT as he 
strides before the assembled CBS News 
corps. The corps is in dress blues, teeth 
and shoes bujled to a high gloss, beeper 
phones hooked smartly to belts. They 
await CRONKITE's final review. 

KURALT (frying to cover his emotions 
with fierce veneer): Look at ye now! Ye 
call yerselves a news division! Is this the 
best ye can manage for the Old Ma 
last review? Pappas! Straighten yer tie 
Reasoner! Ате those ABC cull links yer 
wearin? Bradley! How many times "ve 
I told ye? Cut off that beard! If ye'd all 
just follow th’ example of yer old 
sergeant, yed be the spilliest divisio 
in the 

As коніл moves along the troops, we 
nolice that each face he passes breaks 
into a grin. Now KURALT becomes aware 
of the rising chuckles. He glowers, does 
a slow burn, throws his shoulders back— 
but finally ventures a tentative peek be- 
low his waistline. He blanches: The 
camera trachs down 10 reveal that 
KURALT has forgotten to don pants over 
his striped undershorts. 

KURALT (loudly, recovering his dig- 
nity): "Tis force of habit, it is! АП these 


"I hope you didn't mind, your Majesty. I forgot to curtsy." 


205 


PLAYBOY 


206 


years, bein’ photographed from th’ waist 
up! 

Troops dissolve in laughter. 

CUT To PALEY's office. PALEY stands al 
his desk, finger tips drumming the sur- 
face. CRONKITE enters, salutes smartly. 
Ley returns the salute—and then the 
two men box cach other's shoulders. 
There ts an awkward silence. 

PALEY: Smoke, Walt? La Palina. 
lot of cigar. 

CRONKITE (Waving (he cigar aside): А 
man wants ti... say a lot of things, 
Bill. Time like this. .. - 

PALEY (brusquely, to cover his emo- 
tion): Where you heading after this, 
Walt? What sort of plans do you have? 

CRONKITE (shifting his weight from 


иза 


foot to fool, as if suddenly aware of his 
bulk in the small room): Why. General, 


y ‚ Do me some sailin' off Cape 
Cod. I know a little lady out there... 


still got a soft spot 
down news buster, 
1 might do me some courtin’. 

PALEY (after CRONKITE 
thoughtfully): Lot of had country. be- 


measuring 


tween here and Martha's Vineyard, 
Walt. Lot of untamed Republicans . 
ts. Lot of 
economic indicator 
Longshoreme: 
teachers seeking cost-of-living 
ents. Lot of breakdowns in negotia- 
tions between principal powers, lot of 
distraught unemployed fathers wielding 
M-16s. Lot of civil rights leaders calling 
for boycotts. Lot of school buses plung- 
ing off embankments. Lot of events out 
there, Walt, that alter and illuminate 
our time. And not many of ‘em happy 
ones, Walt. 

CRONKITE 
is, Bill. TT 


Well... = 


thats the way it 
Us the way it 


EY (cleaving his throat): Lot of 
ngs still to be done around here, 
Walt. Always a place for a steady old 
hand who knows the territory. 

скохкпе (nodding): I 
you're thinkin’, Bill. 
Yeah. he's young. and ye: 


now wi 
kid. Rather. 
h. he's out. ta 


"While you were asleep, the goat ate all your hair! 


set fire ta the world. Well, I was like 
that myself, once. So were you. We old- 
timers tend ta . . . forget those things. 
He's a good man, Bill. He'll get ya the 
stori he won't lead ya into any 
n 


s an* 
sacres, 

PALEY: Well, if you say so. Walt, that's 
good enough for me. (Glances oul the 
window) Great Jumpin’ Jack Benny! 105 
later than I thought! The whole divi- 
sion's waiting for you, Walt! Get out 
there! 

CRONKITE salutes, opens the door, starts 
out. 

PALEY: Walter! 

CRONKITE (sticking his head through 
the doorway): Yes, s 
PALEY (huskily): Enjoy that sailboat, 
(Grulfly) And that's an order! 

We see CRONKITE as he leaves head- 
quarters, ambles down the wooden stairs 
and strides powerfully across the parade 
grounds toward the assembled division. 
There is the sound of a crisp drum roll. 

CRONKITE approaches KURALT—who has 
by now recovered his trousers—relurns 
his salute and begins his review of the 
CBS div sion. 

As CRONKITE marches along the row of 
troops, the camera lin, briefly on the 


W; 


face of cach character we've seen: CHUCK, 
SCOTT, WALLACE, KURALT, IKE PAPPAS, 
HARRY REASONER, ED BRADLEY. We pass 


STAHL, correct and straight as anyone in 
the line. As скөхкіте passes, she gives 
him a brave wrinkle of her nose—then 
smiles. 

At the end of the line, the drum roll 
ceases. CRONKITE fires off a salute to the 
troops, then mounts his horse and trots 
the few paces to where RATHER, mounted 
and in full anchor dress, sils wailing. 
The Mitch Miller chorus whistles, “The 
Girl 1 Left Behind Ме.” 

CRONKITE and RATHER study cach other 
silently for a long moment 

CRONKITE (saluting): Well, they're all 
yours, Mr. Rather. 

RATHER (his starchy aplomb, for once, 
faltering): 1—1 hope to be worthy of 
your great legacy. si 

скөхкіте: Just keep ‘em well fed, well 
paid an’ get their names in the credits. 
They'll make you a star—like they did 
me. 

RATHER: СШ do that, sir. 

CRONKITE (swivels for a last look back, 
then nods to RATHER): Carry оп... 
anchor man! 

Mitch Miller chorus up as CRONKITE 
turns his horse toward the gales of Fort 
Black Rock, which open to reveal a 
brilliant sunset. As he passes through 
the portals, the CBS division bursts into 
а loud cheer. But CRONKITE does not 
look back. He rides slowly, grandly, and 
we follow his receding figure until he is 
but a distant shape against the setting 
sun (played by the CBS Eye). 

The sun blinks. 


LONE STAR LADY 


(continued from page 113) 
emotions, partly because E wanted to 
understand myself. I'm a very emotion- 
al person 

"You see, I was a very rebellious kid. 
I dropped out of high school when 1 was 
15 and married when 1 was 16. Those 
were tivo mistakes. Then my father died. 
1 got divorced, cleaned up my act and 
went back to school. 1 haven't looked 
back since then.” 

Once enrolled іп college, Vicki 
thought it might be interesting to enter 
а wel-T-shirt contest at hi ıvorite rock 
club in Fort Worth. She won the S100 
first prize hands down, which inspired 
her to uy her luck in a variety of 
similar local contests. "There are six or 
seven clubs in the Fort Worth-Dallas 
area that have contests two or three 
nights a week: wet T-shirt, better. bot- 
toms, naughty wet nightie and so on; 
I've entered all of them over the past 
couple of years and on some nights I've 
won in two clubs. The money came in 
handy. as you can imagine.” 

Our favorite story is the onc she tells 
ol the night she'd just won a naughty- 
wet-nightie contest in Fort Worth and 
was speeding to another contest in Dal- 
las when she was stopped by а police- 
man. “This guy pulls me over, comes 
up to the window and just stares. I was 
wearing a soaking-wet nightgown, which, 
of course, was casy to see through, and 
I wasn't wearing underwear. I thought 
to myself, This is it. If he doesn't take 
me to jail, he'll take me to the nut 
house. But the cop had worked crowd 
control in those clubs before, and he 
understood when I told him that I was 
speeding in a wet nightgown because 1 
had to hurry to enter a better-bottoms 
contest in I He let me go.” We're 
not surprised. On a slow night, what cop 
wouldn't be grateful for a conversation 
with Vicki in a wet nightgown? 

Vicki's obviously a very determined 
young woman. Fortun: 
of the goals she's always wanted to 
achieve is becoming a Playmate, Now 
that it has happened, she'll be spending 
most of her time traveling around the 
country. doing promotions for PLAYBOv— 
a prospect she cagerly anticipates. 

“I want to do as much аз posible. I 
know my PLAYBOY work in't going to 
last forever 
of all ol 


ely for us, one 


ı Haltom City happy 
ng gone so much, but I thi 
pull it together. I really want to trave 
haven't seen much of America. 

Well, here's your chance, Vicki—to 
see and be seen. Go for it. 


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PLAEDIS BY AGE ГДЕ. 


useful information —from the interconnecting worlds of technology, 
parapsychology and social science —to help you enjoy the future 


NEW AGE BUSINESS: 
TOMORROW'S GOOD INVESTMENTS TODAY 


Futurist Alvin Toffler suggests in his 
latest book, The Third Wave. that we're 
entering an age when many of the values 
that seemed idealistic in the Sixties and 
the Seventies will become the “real 
world” as the youth of those 
years become the establishment 
IC Tofller is right (and indic 
tions are that he is), it means, of 
course, that it’s going to be har 
er than ever to be rich and still 
have friends. But beyond that, 
if such Sixties ideals as ccologi- 
cally sale technology. holistic pre- 


ventive medicine and truth in 
packaging prevail. it will be 
easier for the proverbial camel 
to pass through the eye of a 
needle than for an entrepreneur 
to get past the EPA and the 
FDA. much less into heaven 
Where does that leave the 


young 
and surplus funds who hankers 
for 
ness, « 


man of good conscience 


his own million-dollar busi- 


haps just wants to 


invest in onc? Well. now is the 
time for him to investigate the 
wide variety of businesses de- 


voted to developing and market- 
ing products and services that will meet 


ihe needs and standards of New Age 
America. If you have the yen 

your own company, or just invest in a 
fledgling corporation with excellent 
prospects for future expansion and 
profit, look for attractive opportun 


in the arcas listed below 
ological Systems: Technology that 
not only doesn’t harm the land, air or 
water but also improves it, and ideally 
provides food, energy or shelter or all 
three. A good example is a relatively 
new recycling system that converts g 
bage and sewage into a high-protein 
food. a fertilizer and two reusable forms 
ot energy (heat and methane gas). 
Some small companies are already offer- 
ing this system to homeowners, Other 
ecologically beneficial technologies worth 
"vesting in are aquaculture (produc 
ing foodstuffs and/or fuel from fast- 
rowing algae or plankton in underwater 
farms") and projects with 
the agricultural use of desert 
land 

Health |Longevity Technology: 
will be one of the most fertile ar 


concerned 
апа or 
This 
for 


The 
are sampling of the 
investment opportunities in 
a: health foods (look for fast- 
health-food restaurants to become popu- 


new growth in the next few years 
following 
dozens of 
this ar 


only a 


manufacturers of vitamins and 


other dietary supplements: biocomput- 
ers, especially companies that make little 
wristwatchdike devices that store and 
monitor all the crucial data concerning 
your life functions: high-voltage ionizing 
r cleaners and coolers: manufacturers 
of brain chemicals such as MSH /АСТН 
4-10 for dramatically improved memory, 


“It's worth investing 
inany new device 
that will produce non- 
polluting free energy.” 


creativity and sexual function. 


rgy Technolo; 


Us worth putting 
а modest capital investment into any 
new device or system that will produce 
nonpolluting. inexhaustible free energy. 
Look for companies experimenting with 
things like gravity-to-electricity convert 
ers: waterhydrogen engines: metal hy- 


dride and flywheel high-energy storage 
systems: high-voltage efficiency electro 
static motors: magnetic or rotary ("Wan 
kel") motors and ion-propulsion airplanes 
and rockets. 

Many ol these free-energy de 
vices will owe their efficiency and 
affordability new breed of 
solid-state devices such as sidac 
sell-triggering switche 
er triacs, galium-arsenide chips 
kilo-farad capacitors and mega 
inductance coils. You don't know 
what those Neither 
does the average guy looking for 
future trends to 
out and get ahead of the 
Also look for companies maki 
energy-saving devices. Some 
already marketing water injec 
tion systems for carburetors and 


toa 


high. pow 


things are? 


invest in. Find 


energy-to-motor load regulators. 
Yowll notice that most of the 
items mentioned are high-voltage 
devices. Look for companies spe 
cializing in high-voltage power 
supplies. energy ste systems, 
diodes and capacitors. 

New Age Information: One of 


the most dramatic shilts in con. 
sumer purchasing patterns will be away 
from the market place into the home. 
where. by means of the fast-prolite 
home computer. i 
will be 
ices 

more 


ating 
dividuals and families 
ple to purchase goods and serv- 
without leaving the house. Even 
dramatic will be the number of 
people who will be able to earn a living 
or run their businesses from home. Fu 
ture home businesses will include selling 
(prospecting and presentations). 
mation studies. | professional 
writing. legal work. consulting. typing 
and even music instruction. To get i 
the computer boom, look into companies 
that are develop 
geared 10 finance-related 
look for cable-television or video 
home-entertainment syndicates in need 
of investors. H you're just looking to buy 
sound stocks, most competitive com 
puter manufacturers are good bets f 
future growth ion. One 
computer-related field that. offers. excel 
lent promise is robotics. Scientists say 
that within ten years, an allordable robot 
housekeeper may be on the market (no 


infor 


research 


g computer systems 


needs. 


Also. 
new 


and 


expan: 


209 


PLAYBOY 


710 


more arguments over who's going to do 
the dishes). 

Now that you're ready to go research- 
ing just the right New Age business to 
vest in, we'll start you off with a few 
examples of companies that are already 
profiting from products like the ones 
listed above. Some of them are still look- 
g for investors, either to buy stock or 
to take franchises. 


Proteus Corporation, 2000 Center 
Street, Suite 1221, Berkeley, California 
94704. It's a fiveyear-old company that's 


currently the nation's largest. distributor 
of a new "future food" called 5 
which it n ets under the 
mame. Proteus daims more than 50,000 
users of the product, which is sold p 
marily through health-food stores. Spiru- 
lina is a rapidly growing microalgae high 
in protein and vitamin В... Proteus is the 
leader in the development of a technology 
Hed photobionics and its sales for the 
т are expected to exceed $750,000. 
Alacer Corp, 7495 
Buena k. Californi 
ten-year-old company considered 10 be 
the leader in advanced- formulation vita- 
mins and minerals. It has annual sales 
nd is distributed 
Ithfood stores throughout 


the country. 
Macer has distinguished. itself. from 
ost other vitamin companies with a 
d line of special-purpose high-per 
formance [oi ns. For athletes and 
joggers, it has a high-physical-perform- 
(ce supplement called Second Wind. 
For executives and others desiring high 
sustained mental performance, it offers 
pod for Thought 
Samadhi Alliance, 93 Fi 
Madera, California 
fiveye: 
Reve 
nks, owner-ope 


st Street, Corte 
Successor to the 
adhi Tank Company. 
ed from selling Samadhi 
ted centers and, most 
recently, franchising centers. Company es- 
timates gross revenues for the next 12 
niths of approximately $10,000,000, 


Samadhi tanks are totally enclosed 
all cx- 
seful 


hiublike structures that isolate 
ıl light and sound. They are 
arning medi 
tion. The user floats in about ten 
intained at 


ion a 


d deep т 


€ calm 


centers in New Me: 
forni. 
typical ten-tank f 
proximately $200,000 to open and 
projected to gross $500,000 by the end 
ol the second year. 


Ekosc'a Inc., 573 Mission Street, San 


„ А 
nchise requires ap- 


Francisco, 


ia 94105. A three-year- 
old architectural firm offering plans to 
build or rebuild a home that is potentially 
free of energy requirements for heating 
and cooling. The company's 12month 
sales estimate exceeds $1,000,000, Ekose” 
“double envelope” passive solar house was 
featured on the cover of Popular Science 
just over a year ago. The unique design, 
developed by architec-owner Lee Porter 
Butler, is currently being studied by sev- 
institutions, including the Broc 
haven National Laboratory, which is soon 
to release its findings. Ekose'a hu 
pared a book explaining how the s 
works. complete with plans, that is 
able for $25, postpaid. 

Cyborg Corporation, 342 Western Ave- 
nue, Boston, Massachusetts 02135. It's an 


“Look for new cable- 
television or video 
home-entertainment 
syndicates in need 
of investors." 


eight. old company, one of the lead- 
ers in professional biofeedback systems 
for the clinical and scientific communi. 
ties. Twelvemonth sales have been esti 
mated at approximately 52.000.000. 
Cyborg is one of the original develop- 
ers and rs of biofeedback 
"t of 


iologic 
abling user to control same, thus 
ıd handle. stress). Today, Cyborg 
izes in complete behavioralmed 
cine systems, which include computerized 
physiological bring, data processing. 
biofeedback 
testing. 
Diapulse Corporation of America, 475 
Northern Boulevard, Great Neck, New 
pulse is a 23-year-old 
y that manufactures and. 
b electromagnetic machines 
used primarily for wound healing. An- 
al sales will exceed $1,000,000 this 
r outside the United States (domestic 
currently prohibited by the 


sales 
FDA). 

Electromagnetic medicine may be the 
medicine of the future and. definitely 
seems to be the most effective way to 
treat many types of wounds and inflam- 
mations. 

Today, thousands of Diapulse machines 
are used by athletes. Olympic te 
clinics, hospitals, doctors and researchers 
around the world. At the Mex 
pics in 1968, Munich іп 1972, Monir 
in 1976 and Lake Placid and Moscow in 


are 


1980, more than 100 Diapulse units were 
used to reduce the occurrence of muscle 
njuries, accelerate the healing of same 
id reduce inflammation. Lasse Viren, the 
double gold-medal long-distance runner, 
was under treatment to recharge his mus- 
cle cells. 

The Ion Foundation, 12307 Ventura 
Boulevard, Studio City, California 91604. 
This three-year-old company is the largest 


manufacturer of ion-generating air puri- 
fiers; their trade n ire. It has 
sold mor with 12- 


month sales estim; 
$2,000,000. The product represents. new 
technology utilizing extremely high volt- 
ages to effectively cl ize the 
air. Energaire air purifiers are designed 
for the home, office and car, as well as for 
institutions, such as restaurants. The com- 
ny is currently processing inquiries from 
ributors and reps. A free 


oproximately 


interested. di 
booklet is available. 


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CARTER STATE DEPARTMENT continuen prom page 161) 


“Тһе President threatened to fire the next person from 
whose bureau a significant leak seemed to have come.” 


But they were not offered often enough 
to others, iding those he courted in 
private sessions, and I believe, 
explains why he never had enough true 
believers to spread the Gospel according 
to Jimmy Carter. Putting it as simply as 
possible, the President gave too few 
people enough reason to think of them- 
selves as Carterites. The circle around 
the President was tight when he came to 
Washington; it was virtually as tight four 
years later. Having no built-in Washing- 
ton constituency accumulated over years 
of public life, having nothing like the 
permanent nucleus of faithful supporters 
claimed by a Hubert Humphrey. a Rich- 
ard Nixon or a Teddy Kennedy, he and 
his inner circle never seemed to see the 
need to build one. Thus, when the time 
came to circle the wagons, there weren't 
enough wagons, and there were always 
too many observers remaining passive 
who should have been shoulder to shoul- 
der with their President, firing away at 
the hostiles. 

There were many who wished it were 
different, who were prepared to offer 
their full commitment. The probl 
that what seemed to be required—all 
that seemed to be tolerable to the Pr 
dent and to his handful of licutenants— 
was adherence to policy, no back talk 
and no sense of intimacy 

Mean, but not tough. That was the 
famous remark about Carter. Its truth was 
brought out in a particularly unpleasant. 
fashion during a private meeting Carter 
held in February 1979 to excoriate many 
of us at the State Department for alleged 
leaks opposing his Iranian policy of the 
moment. The President threatened to fire 
the next person from whose bureau a sig- 
nificant leak seemed to ha uc. [t 
was a stupid thing to as even 
more stupid not to make good on the 
threat once it had been uttered. But 
second shoe ever dropped. And w 
ever he might have thought of each of 
us individually, the way he addressed us 
collectively ait that meeting was as if we 
were an opposition in hiding 
credit to Vance, who was 
the "greatest Secretary of 
" then went into an in 
asing torrent of bitterness. 

“I have a problem,” he said. “You're 
the problem” We talked too much, he 
said, probably at those famous cockt 
parties he was too busy to attend. It was 
time to work harder and talk less. 

id then, suddenly, he pushed back his 


m was 


© ce 


E 


chair and stalked out 
behind him. No ch: 


Jordan and Powell 
© for a response or 
а mea culpa; по chance for the establish- 
ment of a dialog with his appointe 
te, almost half of whom had worked 
hard in his campaign 

Tt was therefore with more than a 
little irony that many of us received the 
news from his Camp David meeting with 
newly appointed Secretary of State Ed 
Muskie in the spring of 1980 that he re- 
gretted his lack of close contact with 
the department's assistant secretaries. 

“They are all strangers to me. 
was reported to have compl 
pledged more meetings in which they 
would be included, As far as some of us 
could tell, it was the first time he had 
thought about us at all since leaving us 
seething in our seats 16 months earlier 

Which is not to that there weren't. 
real reasons for White House suspicions 
about some of the people at State. Since 
the Georgia team had litle builtin ex- 
pertise on foreign affairs, it acquiesced 
п the appointment of some State De- 
partment officials who had more loyalty 
10 their résumés than to Carter 

Moreover, the permanent bureaucracy 
at State has watched Presidents come and 
go and is not much moved by cach new 
Administration's inevitable exercises in 
rediscovery of the obvious. As noted car- 
lier, some of the older generation of 
diplomats openly didn't and don't. be- 
lieve in the efficacy or wisdom of such 
notions as camp: human ri 
or restraint. in arms sales abroad. They 
have used arms as the swcetener with 
recalcitrant client states for so long that 
they see them as irreplaceable tools of 
the diplomatic trade. As for huma 
rights concerns, there are those at State 
believe that e хопи 
ing that gentlemen discuss. publicly 
or privarely. They fully expected that 
most of the new ini s would soon 
be dropped, and they did everything 
they could to see that the day of abandon- 
nent cime sooner rather than later. 

They weren't disciplined for their re- 
lucance, mainly because the White 
House, in the spirit of the candidate's 
pledge to keep politics out of appoint- 
ments, never got control of the machin- 
егу of the Government the candidate 
had been elected to run. At €, and 
everywhere else as well, the theory and 
practice of merit appointments. be- 
yond the crass world of politics has 
resulted in too few ties between olfice- 


ined. а 


gns fo 


who tort 


not 


holder. bureaucratic, and 
Р the cree 
Service obstructors of the new policies 
often n 
pointees than the newcomers w 
to convert to the Presidents policies 
пу voices were heard simultane- 
ously. and too few were told to shut up. 
. 

oublesome was the am- 
1 Security Advisor 
. 10 become 


political or 


le more converts among the 


Too m 


Particularly 
bition of the Nation 
Zbigniew Brzezinsl 


ly, the articulatio 
gn policy. эр: 
ather Kissinger. While 
Kissinger's intellect. nor 
he did share one all 
impor isset: immediate access to the 
President. He used it in what became а 
ngle-minded pursuit of dominance in 
the foreign-policy arena. He added 
press spokesman (a first at the Nati 
Security Council) and kept the st 
a swollen size despite the President's 
pledge to cut back substantially 

Brzezinski's main competitor was 
ice. and here I must confess to little 
objectivity. 

I had never met Cy Vance before I 
offered the job as his press spokes- 
It was a hell of a job, though 
ardly what Thad expected when the 
President-elect announced my noi 
tion shortly before his Inauguration. 

In fact. I didn’t know what to expect— 
of the job or of Vance—any more than 
he knew what to expect of me when T 
walked 
using as a trai 
floor of the State Department. 

n picked up 


's for 


istratio 
saw himself 
either 
savvy, 


s 


he had 
his polit 


er 


ace looked like that of 
pal stages of a p: 
‚ on the other 
of 


break, my 
in the ter 
loathsome disease. 
hand, looked exactly like my 
1. gray-haired, with 
cherubie red-cheeked face, 
in the stereotypical pinstriped пий 
of a Wall Street lawyer. To be 
about it. my dress was almost identical: 
we Mississippi De had learned a 
few things over the years, 
His presence, then 
me: 


п the worst days 


d and low 


was c 
cach went through the usual pl 
niries. then got down to dvsiness. How 
did 1 sec the he wanted to k 
I don't remember exactly what I 


calm, but J was nervous 
not being w 
the Government. 


That was fine, he said. Neither was he. 


about the possible attraction of the job 
Tor a small-town editor 

“If you want this job because you 
think TH be tr ng a lot, forget 


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214 


he said. "I don't intend to be a globe- 
trotting Secretary of State.” 

I assured him that foreign travel was 
the furthest thing from my mind (а 
white lic) and the interview concluded 
shortly thereafter. Some 450.000 miles 
of overseas and domestic travel later, he 
and I would laugh about that forecast. 

During all those miles with him, I came 
to regard Cy Vance as one of the most de- 
cent, courageous and humane men Amer- 
ican public life has seen. He knows the ins 
nd outs of power in Washington, h: 
ing served off and on there in a variety 
of Defense Department and special dip- 
lomatic posts over two decades, but he 
wouldn't light dirty if his life depended 
i. In many ways, his effectiveness in 
the Carter Administration's infighting 
was severely hampered precisely because 
he was instinctively so straight. 

Vance who believes that one 
public word is always better than 
dozen. and that the admonition “Don't 
just stand there, do something.” would 
usually be better reversed. That was 
heresy for a State Department press corps 
t at Kissinger’s copious table of 
1 showmanship. allowing him to 
delude at least some of them into be- 
licving that they were vital partners in 
the diplomatic exercise. Many decided 

the beginning ıl тсе was 
de for the role of loser in that 
ng Washington game of who's on 
top that passes for deep analysis of policy 
disputes. 

In adversity, the Secretary was invaria 
bly a rock. At one point in the process 
leading up to the Camp Dav сез. 
Egyptian President Sadat decided to m 
one of his dramatic gestures aptly 
pulled his negotiators out of a session with 
the Israelis and Americans in Jerusalem, 

There was obvious consternation, with 
even the Egyptians professing shock. The 
lobby of the hotel where we were sta 
um. with 


o 


mal 


nd abi 


ng was a scene of pandemo: 
newsmen and cameras jostling to reach 
the departing Egyptians, fastening 


on to а it be able to 


throw li 


yone else who mi 
ht on the debacle. 

Through the middle of it marched 
Vance, publicly unperturbed and speak- 
ing of his certainty that the process 
would continue. We trailed while he led 
the way to a downstairs dining room. 
dinner had been laid on carlier 
ticipation of far different circum- 
In the midst of our babbling 
bout disaster, Vance counseled patience 
nd restraint in public comment. This 
wasn't of the world, 
marked, simply a bump in the road. 

‘The next morning, as though to drive 
home the point, he went out to the 
hotel's tennis court, where he was pho- 
tographed hitting a high, hard one. That 
picture ran on front pages all over the 
ried its own message. If 


where 


in 


the end he re- 


world and с; 


Cyrus Vance wasn't flustered, then all 
was not lost 

The President never publicly chose 
between Vance and Brzezinski, though 
he repeatedly asserted that he would or 
| made it clear that the Secretary of 
State was the chief foreign-policy spokes 
man for the Administration. More times 
than his close associates could remember, 
nce would come back from a White 
House showdown buoyed by the Presi- 
dent's assurance that һе, Cy Vance, was 
the principal foreign-policy 

Brzezinski, however, never accepted a 
defeat as final or a policy as decided 
it did not please hı Like a rat terrier, 
he would shake himself off after a losing 
encounter and begin nipping nce's 
ankles, using his press spokesman and 
chief deputies as well as himself to tell 
the world that he that only 
g tough in 
s a fon 


advisor. 


policy realist. 

Vance would refuse to engage and 
would order his aides not to reply. Let 
refutation of Brzezinski's view appear 
п the press, and loud, piercing shrieks 
аса from the White House 


be on the phone to V. 
that he find and fire the leakers who 
d malign the President's advisor: the 
State Deparim 1 must be crushed 
ced: an attack on Brzezinski was 
same as an attack on the President. 
The Secretary would pound the t 
п the next staff meeting and once a 
asist that whoever was lea 
cease and desist. 

Tt was difficult to know from a 
nd how the President placed so 
value оп Brzezins! A second-rate thi 
r in a field infested with poscurs 
arcerists, he has never let consistency 


and sileı 
ab 


d down wh 
lieved and hoped were the main themes 
of his foreign policy. Brzezinski let it he 
widely understood that the key phrases 
own. Within the year. as con- 
cern with the Third World, arms control 
his was ebbing in im- 
bout Soviet 
g the word 
md that he 
ast the fuzzy- 


many of us be- 


s 

were grow 
somehow began to get 
1 fought to the last a 


minded sentiments voiced at Notre 
Dame. Those, the National Security 


kers claimed, were the fruits of the 
leridden, post castrati at 
te. The messages would be d 
well-placed leaks to major columnists 


1 newspapers. 


tnam 


. 

If there s the deadly 
ness of the Brzezinski-Vance 
confuse the American public, as well as 


overseas onlookers, there w also the 
additional factor of Andy Young. He 
could be, and usually was, a convincing 
lvocate of the Admin 


sion 
d be. 


w 


‚а public р 
of what that foreign po 
What is remarkable in 
many of his most controvers 
is how innocuous they look 
in the context of the enti 
he was delivering in a parti 
jew or speech. What was absolutely to 
be expected, however, was that the on 
therecord one-liners would be seized 
upon by a press trained to recognize a 
hot lead when it sees one and by pol 
ticians eager to prove that the Admin- 
istration’s incompetence and confusion 
knew no limits or depths. 

Thus, there were the policies officially 
pronounced by Vance on behalf of the 
Administration, the ones improvised by 
Young from time to time and the ones 
pushed hard through backgrounder and 
leak by Brzezinski and his courtiers. If, 
on, the President had made it 
deed as well as word 
jad to stop once policy deci 


-that 


disent 
were made, he could have av 
public perceptio the Adn 
s hopelessly in 
mind. There 
aper flow, not 
mal rights and respon- 
that dictates that the Nati 
Security 
Secretary of State will 
that the Ambassador to the UN shall 
function without reins, Any President can 
curb. hi 
bassador, 


са the 


that 


is noth 


and crown a Secretary of State 
with meaningful power. As recent a 
President ld Ford did it, with a 
deft assist from the object of his largess. 
But to do so. the President must choose, 
announce his decision and discipline 


those who flout it. Jimmy Carter. never 
de it stick, 
Ultimatel is most harmful to 
the Administ standing at home 
and abroad was the Presidents almost 


willful inconsistency. He made policy 
decisions one by one and put them forth 
as though they had no relationship one 
to the other, He would choose the Vance 
position one month and the Brzezinski 
position the next. He could send State 
Department officials out to sell the neu- 
tron bomb to our European allies, then 
publicly decide against its production 
е they were still out selling. Much 
the same thing happened with the Olym- 
picboycott decision, announced shortly 
fter our allies had been told it wasn't in 
е cards. 

Coupled with that was a tendency to 
and oversell. Three examples 
naugural address, 
Carter spoke of a day when there would 


be no nuclear weapons; he termed the 
Soviet invasion of Afghanistan the 
“most serious threat to world peace” 
since World War Two; in between, he 
could hail dictators and democrats alike 
as “my good friends.” 

Sometimes he was on both sides of 
the same issue in one speech, as in his 
address at Annapolis in June 1978. 
There, it was widely believed he took 
speech drafts offered by the State De- 
parunent and by the National Security 
Council and simply pasted half of one 
to hall of the other. The result was pre- 
dictably all over the lot, offering the 
Soviet Union the mailed fist d the 
dove's coo simultaneously. It was hard 
to know what Moscow made of it, but 
most home-grown analysts were seriously 
befuddled. 

Certainly, there were dificult issues 
and changing conditions to which the 
President had to react on a continuous 
basis. The seizure of American embassy 
personnel as hostages by Iranian militants 
and the official sanctioning of that action 
by what passed for an Ir government 
had no precedent. The Soviet invasion of 
Afehanisi marked the first time they 
1 used their own troops outside Eastern 
Europe since World War Two. 

There was also the reality that the old 
foreign-policy consensus had long since 
vanished America, the victim of Wa 
tergate and Vietnam. The President had 
to construct a different majority coali- 
tion for each initiative and issue. Those 
who believed we should be activist in 
our involvement in the Middle East 
looked with suspicion on similar involve- 
ment in South Africa. One-issue groups 
plagued the foreign-policy process no 
less than the domestic. Each tinhorn 
despot had his defenders on Capitol Hill. 

But those were conditions that candi- 
date Carter had recognized and capital- 
ized upon and that President Carter 
knew he had to face. To describe them. 
is not to excuse the failure to deal with. 
them in a way that would produce 
clarity and understanding. Instead, ad 
hocracy gone mad seemed too often to 
be the order of the day, with policy ca- 
reening from crisis to crisis with no more 
in guide than the decisions of the 
moment. The foreign-policy approaches so 
painstakingly developed belore and dur- 
ing the transition from successful can- 
didacy to the Presidency were abandoned 
or temporarily shelved with regularity. 

What exactly was the. Administration 
ion on "linkage." the concept that 
Soviet actions in one sphere would affect 
our relations in others? How did we 
nd on Israeli control of all of Jerusa- 
lem? When did we believe that the use of 
force was necessary and justified? What 
status quo was or was not acceptable 
when it came to Soviet troops in Cuba? 

Well-informed people could argue 


with great conviction on all sides of 
those issues. The Administration at one 
time or another scemed to be advocating 
different sides on. many of them. The 
result was that hawks and doves, Arabists 
and passionate Zionists, sphere-ol-influ- 
ence advocates and devotees of a new 
world economic order all had occasional 
reason to believe that they and the Ad- 
ministration saw things from opposing 
positions. 

The inner council was not disposed to 
deal with such criticism. As they saw 
the President was fully aware of all the 
facts and was deciding accordingly. The 
best thing for a supporter to do was to 
get on board and stay there. 

Looking back now. I suppose I did 
have an early hint of what was to come. 
During my two-month tour at 
campaign headquarters in At 
1976, I quickly became a 
I felt was the disorganization that per 
тегей the campaign. 1 wasn't alone; 


“Now, th 


many of the longtime Carter loyalists 
felt it even more acutely. At the request 
of one of those who seemed to be close 
to Carter, I wrote a blind memo that 


"his place is an administrative 


” and went on from there to 
a few modest pages of sure-fire 
medies, based on my vast campaign e 
ence as a low-level flack in the Ly 
don Johnson campaign 12 years earlier. 
The response was instructive, The memo 
was shown to Charles Kirbo, Carter's 
friend, advisor and lawyer. His reaction 
was paraphrased to me as, "The disloyal 
5.0.b. who wrote this should be fired.” 
. 

And so the President came to the 
great political test of 1980 with a dissi 
pated mandate and а widespread 
image as a bumbler at home and abroad. 
Many of the brave initiatives of 1977 
had run one by one to dust. The politi- 
cal enemies he thought he had routed in 
(concluded on page 218) 


re’s packaging that sells!” 


215 


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PLAYBOY PUZZLE 


Ф 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY BILL ARSENAULT 


WHAT'S WEIRD IN THIS PICTURE? 


ta recent Playmate photo session, our boys in the prop department 
were having some fun and got more than a little carr 


ay. See if 
you can spot not only what's wrong with this picture but what's weird in 


it, too. We counted 30 oddities (answers overleaf); if your eyes have been 
trained on PLAYBOY, you may do even better.—CONCEIVED BY KEN ROBBINS 


217 


PLAYBOY 


218 


Answers to puzzle on page 217. 


1. The picture of Hef is upside down. 

2. Hef has a mustache. 

3. The stuffed pheasant is flying and 

wearing a bow tie. 

4. Ears of corn are growing оп the 

tropical plant 

5. Vibrators ore in place af the 

candles above the mirror. 

6. A plate of eggs, toast and bacon is 

leaning upright on the mantel 

7. Agalf club is standing with the 

fire irons. 

8. The "well" is missing from Norman 

Rackwell's name an the book 

9. The chair is missing one leg. 

10. The liquor in the bottle and 
glasses above the mirror is 
not level. 

11, The mirror has no reflections. 

12. The foce of the mantel clack 
is reversed. 

13. The stuffed fax is upside down in 
the top af the fireplace. 

14. A fish is coming out of the drawer 
of the game table. 

15, The queen ond rook pieces on the 
chessboard ore in each other's 
positians. 

16. Fire extinguishers are in place of 
lags in the fireplace. 

17. To the right of the clock, on ice- 
cream cone is stuck inta the 
candlestick. 

18. The tan lines ore incomplete on 
the wornan's breast. 

19. Ditta her behind. 

20. Poper clips, instead af garter 
snaps, are holding up her 
stackings. 

21. The woman's stockings ore 
mismatched, 

22. The heel to her right shoe is 
missing. 

23. On the wall ta the right, there 
are na stairs gaing up with the 
bonister. 

24. One rungan the banister is a 
different color. 

25. A desk phone is hanging upside 
down on the wall. 

26. A shawer head is resting an the 
phone where the receiver 
should be. 

27. The gum-boll mochine is filled 
with tennis balls. 

28. An I.V. bottle is perched in the 
bird cage, hooked up to an owl. 

29. The owl is wearing 3-D glosses 

30. There is na water coming aut of 
the watering con. 


NOTE: The stool on which the wamon 
is standing is nat counted among 

cur addities; it is manufoctured with 
mismatched legs. 


CARTER STATE DEPARTMENT 


(continued from page 215) 
1976 were in the ascendancy in Washing- 
ton and in the coun 

All of us are well advised to beware 
of instant history, of overnight analysis 
of recent events, But there is one clear 
point that can be made. The buck does 
stop in the Oval Office. The dysfunc- 
tional discord between the State Depart- 
ment and the National Security Council, 
the confusion of Americans and foreign- 
ers about our policies, was finally the 
sponsibility of the President. He is the 
one person in the Executive branch 
who can adopt and present an integrated 
world view to which he can demand alle- 
giance from his appointees and summon 
support from the people. A responsive, 
responsible system is possible only when 
the President offers comprehensible, con- 
stent leadership. Despite good inten- 
ions and good ideas, that is what was 
ng for much of the period between 
ind 1980. 
my role in all this, I didn't take 
the job with any expectation that it would 
be particularly visible, nor was it for sev- 
eral years. While Vance had approved my 
recommendation in 1977 that the briefing 
room be opened to television cameras for 
the first time, there was no rush by the 
networks to saturate the airwaves with my 
words of wisdom. 

That is, until the day our people were 
seized in Iran. ‘Then, ав unexpectedly 
as the taking of the hostages itself, that 
briefing room became a major focus of 
press attention and I became a minor 
celebrity. 
actly what that meant in reality 
is best illustrated by a street encounter 
with a well-dressed man іп Washington 
in early 1980. "You're Hodding Carter, 
aren't you? 


est fish we've ever seen,” he said, and 
walked on. So much for fame.) 

It is worth noting that a press spokes- 
man is not always the best possible 
source for news. Put another way, he 
isn’t always the first to know; sometimes 
he is among the last. 

In April 1980, 1 was scheduled to give a 
speech to the American Newspaper Pub- 
rs’ Association Convention in Ha- 
. On the Monday night before leaving, 
1 had an end-of-day meeting with Vance. 
Was there anything to watch out for? 
I asked. 

“No,” he said, then 
ment. "When are you goin 
"Wednesday." I said. 

“Thats О! he replied; 

careful. 
Always careful, I gave my defense of 
tration's foreign pol- 
icy that Wednesday in Honolulu, then 
answered questions. All went well until 
the last one. 


paused for a mo- 


OK, Hodding, you've made the case 
for no military action in Iran up until 
now," said a publisher, "but just how 
will we know that the time for military 
moves has come? 


s best I remember, I replied, "Don't 


worry, you'll know, but the time hasn't 
come yet 
1 flew back to the mainland Thursday 


night. Somewhere over the Pacific, a 
flight attendant shook me awake with a 
mpathetic, “Oh, Mr. Carter, Fm so 
sorry about the r 

“What raid?" 
man for American loreign policy. 
Ih, God, 1 think you had better 
10 the captain," she answered. 

And so it was that 1 found out what 
Vance had obliquely warned me about on 
Monday. Jody Powell had just announced. 
the failure of the attempt to rescue the 
hostages in Iran. 

Implicit in that announcement was 
also an unavoidable recognition of the 
е of Vance, as well. A picture on 
the front. page of the Washington Star, 
snapped as he went into the basement 
entrance of the West Wing of the White 
House to resubmit the resignation he had. 
offered the President before the raid, told 
it all. Sick with a sudden bout of gout, 
leaning heavily on a cane, his face drawn 
and somber, he walked toward the mect- 
ing he dreaded but felt he had to keep 
th the President. Equally grim-faced, I 
walked behind him and waited in Powell's 
office while Vance conferred with the 
President in the Oval Office. 

Then it was over and he spoke briefly 
h Jody about the best way to handle 
his appearance before the diplomatic 
press corps back at State. 

He pulled it off beautifully. Minus 
the cane, though limping slightly, he 
went into that glaringly lit briefing room 
and read his six-paragraph statement. of 

ignation in a clear, steady voice. 

There were tears in my eyes as he 
concluded: 

“Аз you know, I could not suppor 
difficult decision taken by the Pr 
on the rescue operation in Iran. I there- 
fore submitted my resignation to the 
President last week. I have told the Presi- 
dent that I continue to support fully 
his policies on other foreign-policy issues. 
I have ‘d him that he can count on 
my support. .. . He will always have my 
deepest respect and affection." 

What about your associates? someone 
everyone in the de- 
-..and I'm going to tell 
nce suid, and walked ou 

Two months later, I also left. con- 
vinced that my effectiveness had ended 
with his departure. Much as I admired 
Muskie, I was even more convinced that, 
ellective or not, 1 just didn't have the 
heart for the job anymore. 


id the premier spokes- 


asst 


yelled out. “I hope t 
‘tment will st 


ХА 


This lovely lass invi 


You can't 
б 


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and in the air your team did - mint Schnapps over ice, 

the job. * with your favorite mixers, 
Now taste the flavors г or along with a beer. 

you've always loved. Enjoy Hi \ The two of you and Arrow 


our new tangy Ginger, spicy Ы Schnapps. What a play. 


ARROW. THE FLAVOR OF AMERICA. 


ZPLAYBOYS 


WHAT'S HAPPENING, WHERE PENING AND WHO'S MAKING IT HAPPEN 


STYLE 
KHAKI GOES MUFTI 


F orty years ago, khaki was synonymous with muddy ity and relatively low cost (it's twilled cotton with no petroleum 


foxholes, C rations and other horrors of war. Sure, the stuff by-products) make it a uniform winner. Aside from bush jackets, 


wore like iron, but if you were seen onthe street with a khaki | shirts, shorts, slacks, etc., khaki has also been put to other non- 
bag, it probably meant you were A.W.O.L. Now manufac- military uses as a classic covering for weekend bags and suitcases 
turers have re-established a khaki beachhead; thecloth'sdurabil- and inspired khaki-look belts and watch straps. Carry on, men. 


by Robert Leighton, New York. 
watch developed by Hamilton Watch for World War Two 
Gls, $65 with a khaki-look band. Next to it is a khaki-look adjustable wool and harness-leather belt, from Polo Ralph Lauren, Chicago, $24. 


221 


222 


FASHION 


THE JOY OF SOCKS 


he long-forgotten foot is being rediscovered. 
Straighter and more tapered trouser bottoms par- 
tially account for the re-emergence of socks, but 
we also like to think that today’s males are more 
hip to alf elements of an outfit. Plain black or brown 
hosiery adds a pretty dull finishing touch to a layered 
sportswear look. And active-sportswear manufacturers are 
even getting their act more coordinated by picking up the 


trim on, say, a tennis outfit and adding it to the top of a 
sock. For street wear, you don’t want to match your socks 
with anything specific; simply use color and pattern to 
create an over-all look that’s harmonious yet unique. The 
same goes for business wear—subtlety, of course, still being 
the order of the day. (Sport socks definitely don’t belong 
in the board room.) You won't have any problems if you 
just think of socks as sweaters for your feet — DAVID PLATT 


Following the numbers: 1. A white Orlon acrylic/stretch-nylon athletic sock with contrasting 
burgundy striped trim, by Hanes Red Label, $2. 2. Yellow wool hand-loomed sock with multicolor 
foulard design, by Alan Flusser, $35. 3. Tan cotton knit sock with contrasting red toe and heel, also 
by Alan Flusser, $7.50. 4. Orlon acrylic knit terry velour sport sock, by Interwoven, $2.75. 5. For 
warming your tootsies on those long winter weekends, a multicolor wool ribbed boot sock, from 
Polo by Ralph Lauren, $12. 6. Natural-color cotton/nylon double-knit terrycloth tennis sock with 

iped trim, by Hanes Red Label, $2.25. 7. That tiny white sportsman on horseback 
acotton terryclothsock, from Polo by Ralph Lauren, $6.50. 8. Here's something 
peachy—a peach-colored Orlon acrylic/stretch-nylon sock, by Burlington Socks, $2.50. 9. Shades 
of Harold Teen—a wool handmade sock with multicolor Argyle design, by Alan Flusser, $35. 


RICHARD IZUI 


DAVID 
PLATT'S 
FASHION 
TIPS 


A young lady we know 
comments that by not wearing 
underwear, she never has the 
problem of leaving it behind. 
We'll drink to that. But we'd 
like to make a brief point: You 
will feel psychologically good 
all under if you build a look 
from the inside out and begin 
with briefs or trim boxer shorts 
that coordinate in color and/or 
pattern. with the rest of what 
you're wearing. 

б 

Survival chic has marched out 
of the boondocks and attacked 
the stores, turning guys who 
think a pillbox is where you 
keep your Quaaludes into in- 
stant mercenaries. It's a trendy 
uprising that’s fun—but you'll 
feel more at ease if you mix 
your battle gear with something 
that’s noncombat. Green fa- 
tigue pants and a khaki vest, for 
example, double up nicely with 
a pink silk shirt. 

. 


After one trip to the park, you 
know that not everyone who 
wears jogging clothes is a jog- 
ger. And the trend to looking 
like a jock—whether or not you 
are one—has spawned a new 
category of duds unofficially 
nicknamed spectator clothes. 
Sweat suits and warm-up pants 
that never saw the inside of a 
gym are now being worn as an 
alternative to jeans. Wear them 
the next time you jog down to 
the corner for some beer. 

. 


When celebrities lend their 
names to lines of fashion, they 
get a lot of long green—but 
what's in it for you? For one 
thing. showbiz biggies don't 
want their image connected 
with shoddy merchandise, so 
it's a good bet that you're get- 
ting decent threads for your dol- 
lar. And while celebrities may 
not be designers, in many cases 
their lines are being created by 
unsung talents toiling in the 
back room—often with a fresh 
approach to style. 


223 


FOUR HEADS ARE 
BETTERTHAN TWO. 


JVC's Vidstar has four video heads 
and the clarity that goes with them. 


Admit it. Despite all the 
fancy features that videocassette 
recorders have to offer, you're 
worried about picture quality. Will 


2-Hour Mode Head 


features: 6-hour recording on à 
single 2-hour VHS cassette, 
multi-function remote control 
unit, stop action and 


slow motion, double and 

triple speeds, and a micro- 
computer-assisted timer that 
can record up to 42 programs a 
week. You simply pre-set days, 


it be crisp and vibrant? Will you 
get superb reproduction of re- 
corded material? 

Well, stop worrying. When 
JVC brought you 6-hour mode 


recording and playback, we times and channels. 

equipped Vidstar™ with four Vidstar is designed to let you 

video heads. Here’s why. add components to your home 
Vidstar uses one pair of re- Єй Hê HOMI | entertainment system effortlessly. 

cording/playback heads for the Mares Hen os You'll find goof-proof features 

2-hour mode and another pair of that prevent recording mistakes 


and other features that let you add your own audio to 
recorded material. Vidstar has features you may not 
even know you want yet. 

But you'll want them the minute you get your 
hands on them. You can co exactly that at your nearest 
JVC Mdstar dealer. 

For JVC dealer names and locations cal 
FREE 800-221-7502. In NY, 212-476-8300. 


heads for the 6-hour mode. Each pair is suited to per- 
forming at a specific tape speed. This specialization 
gives Vidstar unsurpassed picture quality in both the 
2-hour and 6-hour modes. That's the kind of perform- 
ance you'd expect from the people who developed the 
VHS system. And who developed this four head 
technology. That's us, JVC. 

That's only the beginning. Take a look at our other 


TOLL- 


GOOD THINCS IN SMALL PACKAGES 


Right: Tired of wake-up calls ог jangling alarms 
when you're on the road? Pack a battery-powered 
Signal Radio, Braun’s latest little wonder, in your 
suitcase and have aclock designed to be coupled to 
an AM/FM radio for easy awakening, $100. 


EAS 
Tirat 


Left: Small spills, table crumbs and any other little mistake you want to 
disappear can be whisked away with a tiny battery-powered Cordless 
Table Vacuum Cleaner, by Hitachi. And there's even a magnet to pick up 
small metal objects such as pins. The price is small, too—only $14.95. 


Leít: Le Lasso, a cartop 
carrier of Cordura nylon 
and polyvinyl blocks, se- 
cures everything from fly 
rods to bookcases. АП 
metal parts are padded 
and you can stash it in its 
own storage bag, from Le 
Lasso Corporation, Bos- 
ton, Massachusetts, 
$39.95 aset. Below: A360 
TW Electronic Flash Unit 
featuring a bounce head, 
automatic range checker 
and more, by Nissin Amer- 
ica, about $120, 


Right: Sharp's 
£L-7000 Memo 


phanumeric cal- 
culator, as well as 
a miniature type- 
writer that prints 
ош messages, 
memos, bills or 
whatever on a 
15-character- 
per-line impact 
printer, $100. 


A Piece of Ass 


Does New Wave music gel to the bottom of things? 
Punker STIV BATORS borrowed 
girlfriend SABEL STARR for a fast 
demonstration. It certainly 
looks like it does... 


CRAP RA 


Nip and Tucker 
inger TANYA TUCKER stretching 
„wings? Little girls get bigger every 


Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex 

Ever since the schools sent sex education back into the streets, the most unlikely people have 
taken up describing the mysteries of the body. The Kama Sutra this isn’t. It’s MARTHA 
DAVIS, lead singer of The Motels, explaining what to do when you get to one. 


Lingerie, 

Fourth Floor 

Boys will be boys, unless 
they are occasionally 
girls. Herearea 

couple of Monty 
Python's merry 

men, ERIC IDLE 

(left) and 
MICHAEL PA- 
LIN, working 
onaTV spot 
for Freder- 
ick's of 
Hollywood. 


A ra 


DAVIO MC GOUGH/RETNA 


{ Ў 
p 


© 1980 ROBERT A. MATHEU 


Stardust Misery 

Here's the most famous schlep of the Western world, dodging photographers 
and critical brickbats. Will we ever know the real actor/director/writer/ 
The Girl Can't Help It sometime clarinet player WOODY ALLEN? Or should we leave him alone? 


What's left to say about the exploits of part-time 
actress, full-time consort BRITT EKLAND? She 
kissed and told. And told. And told. She sold some 
books and made some money. She still 
looks great and without a doubt 
she’s proved the Andy 
Warhol axiom that in the 
future everyone will 
be famous for 15 
minutes. 


a 


Samurai Horticulture 
Rosesare red, 

Violets are blue, 

I'm laughing all the way to the bank; 4 
How about you? > 


ANGELI / OUTLI 


—JOHN BELUSHI 


228 


HISTORY MARCHES ON 
DEPARTMENT 


In the great museums of our nation's 
capital, one facet of life has gone 
unmemorialized, at least until now— 
sex. The Red-Light Museum and Gift 
Shop, 1819-B M Street, N.W., Washing- 
ton, D.C. 20036, has 
stepped in to fill the 
gap. Miss Eleanor Val- 
entine, the buxom lady 
shown at left, manages 
the museum, which of- 
fers a look at commer- 
cial sex in its heyday, 
circa 1900, before local 
Ordinances were more 
prudently enforced. 
Furnished like a bor- 


о 


dello of that period, the showrooms 
feature 19th Century daguerreotypes of 
whores and whorehouses, copies of old 
police reports, a slide show of Vic- 
torian-era erotica and a 1913 map of 
D.C., including locations of its bordel- 
los, which tended to cluster near the 
White House and Capitol Hill. 


BUT HOW DO 
WE KNOW THEY 
WEREN'T FAKING IT? 


A report from the Netherlands in- 
dicates that Wisconsin endocrinologist 
Dr. David Goldfoot has recorded the 
first confirmed orgasm by a female ma- 
caque, a rather attractive monkey, as 
monkeys go. Another researcher, Dr. 
Dolores Elaine Keller of Pace University 
in New York City, for the first time has 
documented orgasms among female 
chimpanzees. We know of certain 
elderly gentlemen who, for their own 
reasons, observe this sort of thing at 
the city zoo, but what, we wonder, has 
led the scientific community into this 
area? It seems they are trying to track 
down the roots of the human female 
orgasm, that elusive character we've 
been reading about and which some of 
us on occasion have located. It had 


SEX NEWS 


been observed in monkeys but never 
proved. In the macaque study, females 
were introduced to, of all things, other 
females, leading to sexual arousal, 
which was recorded with the use of 
probes. The chimps, however, in the 
conventional fashion of single females, 
utilized a Prelude 2 vibrator fitted with 
a special chimp-sized accessory. The 
chimp orgasm, by the way, is charac- 
terized by tummy contractions, pelvic 
thrusts and cries, expressed by the re- 
searcher as "Hoo-hoo-hoo." We now 
know that the human female is not 
unique in her ability to achieve orgasm 
and that the human female orgasm 
probably evolved from common pri- 
mate ancestors (Ronald Reagan's not 
going to like this). Frankly, we're de- 
lighted that it didn't go the route of the 
prehensile tail. 


THE WHOLE EARTH 
TAMPON PANACEA 


Late last year, women blanched to 
hear that the new superabsorbent tam- 
pons may cause a staph infection called 
toxic shock syndrome and possibly 
death. A dramatic increase in cases 
tipped off health authorities that tam- 
pons might be the cause. About 95 
percent of all cases in women occurred 
during a menstrual period. Seventy-one 
percent had used the first high-absorb- 
ency brand, Rely. Since then, many 
women have seized upon a natural and 
organic alternative to tampons—the sea 
sponge, an old-fashioned method of 
dealing with menstrual flow. Simply tie 
a string around the sponge and insert it 
just like a tampon. It can be washed 
out and reused. Sounds safe and re- 


liable, but the Center for Disease Con- 
trol in Atlanta says sea sponges have 
not yet been examined adequately to 
determine their risks. Sponges have 


been found to contain sand, bacteria 
and several kinds of fungi. More than 
one case of T.S.S. has been associated 


—— à 
Let the meekin- | 
herit the earth. | 
We're going with | 
her, if, in fact, | 


there's any – 
truth in labeling | 
these days. 


with their use. The infection seems to 
be a reaction not to inorganic materials 
but to the bottling up of toxins inside 
the vaginal cavity. Some theorize that 
high-absorbency tampons create more 
of a seal and seem to absorb other 
fluids that protect against bacteria. The 
C.D.C. says that risk of infection is less 
if women limit tampon use to daytime 
and wear napkins at night. Since sea 
sponges have become suspect, many 
clinics and health-food stores have 

stopped selling them. Ba 


GARRICK MADISON 


Vin Rude, by Peter Mayle, is a picture book that features wine in erotic settings (like the one 
above, titled Jug Wine). By the same author who gave us Rude Food last year, this book is 
currently available in England; unfortunately, United States distribution plans are up in the air. 


What science tells us profession. And, for years, STRESSTABS 
about stress and vitamins. has been the formula most often 
Stress is your body's reaction to any prescribed or recommended. Today, 

physical condition that places an because of observed deficiencies of zinc 
unusual demand on it. When it upsets during stress, more and more physicians 
your nutritional balance, stress — are recommending the addition of zinc to 
whether due to physical overwork, fad traditional stress vitamin supplementation. 
dieting, alcohol, a severe infection or STRESSTABS® 600 with Zinc provides 


a high potency concentration of the 
water-soluble vitamins, plus zinc, and 45 
! Stress and poor diet. Both ends 1 IU of vitamin E. 


of the vitamin candle. Talk to the experts about 
STRESSTRBS "600 with Zinc. 

Ask your doctor or pharmacist what 
he thinks of this different brand of 
vitamin. STRESSTABS® 600 with Zinc 
can't eliminate stress, but its carefully 
balanced formula can help you avoid the 
nutritional deficiencies stress can create. 


injury— may cause a vitamin depletion. 


Its true that certain vitamins are 
stockpiled in the body for emergency 
use. But most of the water-soluble 
vitamins are not. If the extraordinary 
nutritional demands of stress are 
prolonged, a deficiency of these vitamins 
can develop. 

The importance of zinc during stress. 

Zinc is an essential mineral found in 
human tissues. It is involved in dozens 
of the body's biochemical activities, 
including digestion, respiration, and the 
normal growth of bone and skin cells. 
Because zinc requirements have also 
been found to increase during various 
forms of stress, it has recently been 
concluded that there are times when 
your body may also need more zinc. 

Why doctors recommend STRESSTABS 600 

High Potency Stress Formula Vitamins with Zinc. 

Supplementation of the water- беш, Lododo еол o Au 
soluble vitamins during stress is a well- 
accepted practice among the medical 


PLAYBOY 


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NEXT MONTH: 


DDRDTHY 


JAMES GARNER TALKS, MORE FRANKLY THAN EVER BEFORE, 
ABOUT HIS STRANGE CHILDHOOD, HIS EXPERIENCES AS MAV- 
ERICK AND ROCKFORD AND THE WEIRDNESS OF HOLLYWOOD IN 
A FASCINATING PLAYBOY INTERVIEW 


“WHAT REALLY HAPPENED AT SANTA FE"—IT TOOK A YEAR 
TO UNRAVEL, BUT HERE IS THE DEFINITIVE, INSIDE STORY OF THE 
MOST SAVAGE RIOT IN PRISON HISTORY—BY ROGER MORRIS 


“HOT SHOTS: AMERICA’S TOP POOL PLAYERS SHOW YOU 
THEIR TRICKS""—NINE UNUSUAL EXHIBITION SHOTS FOR THE 
AMATEUR POOL SHARK—BY ROBERT BYRNE 


“THE FRENCH LESSON"'—A GRIPPING TALE ABOUT THE DUP- 
ING OF A U.S. MARINE CORPS OFFICER IN LAOS BEFORE IN- 
DOCHINA BECAME OUR WAR—BY ASA BABER 


“THE JOY OF CELIBACY"—BET YOU NEVER KNEW THE DEFI- 
NITION OF ORAL CONTRACEPTIVE: A LECTURE ON ABSTINENCE. 
WACKY WAYS NOT TO GET HORNY—BY DEREK PELL 


“HOW TO BUY LIFE INSURANCE AND GET OUT OF IT 
ALIVE"—WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW BEFORE YOU TALK TO AN 
AGENT. A SMART CONSUMER'S GUIDE—BY JOHN DORFIMAN 


“MEDIA MADNESS, 1980”--ІТ WAS A RIPE YEAR FOR ABSURDI- 
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THE YEAR. HERE, PICTORIAL HOMAGE TO A VERY SPECIAL WOMAN 


“WHAT'S NEW IN RAINWEAR”—THERE'S MORE THAN ONE 
WAY TO KEEP DRY IN STYLE. FASHION TIPS—BY DAVID PLATT 


“TWINS”—TO PARAPHRASE KEATS, A WOMAN OF BEAUTY IS А 
JOY FOREVER. AND WHEN THERE ARE TWO OF THEM... WORDS 
FAIL US. FORTUNATELY, PICTURES DON'T. A TEN-PAGE PORT- 
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