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CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING! ANDY (TAXI) KAUFMAN 
VS AN MES си. SMITH 
TEL, SUPERLATIVE SKIING 


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ws how to throw a party. Whether you mix it with cola, 7UR, or your 
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TRADEMARKS: — A BLENO. 80 PROOF 


OF THE SEVEN UP COMPANY 


PORTABLE ТАРЕ DECKS REQUIRE 
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WIE can take a portable mei deck practically IS But, AE 
the average cassette tape out of its natural habitat, the living room, ‘and 
youre asking for trouble. 

Ordinary cassettes just aren't designed to stand up to life in the outside 
world. Even weather that's a little too hot or too cold can cause them to jam. 

At Maxell, our cassettes are built to standards that are up to 60% higher 
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In fact, Maxell cassettes are so well made 
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ITS WORTH IT. 


WHAT EVERY MAN WANTS. 
GOOD LOOKS AND 
PERFORMANCE. 


The brand-new 1982 К7750 and 
1000 LTDs. Bikes that deliver more in 
the Kawasaki tradition. Refined, low- 
slung cruiser styling. Superbike 
acceleration. And seat of the pants 
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Excitement that's built in, not 
added on. It's built into the engine 
design that holds more Superbike 
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You feel itin the nimble, easy 
handling. And in the instant, driving 
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And moves you in 

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bars let you settle back = 

into the low stepped seat. 

Its a cruising experience that started 


with the original LTD. One that's been 
imitated, but never equaled. 

The new 1982 KZ750 and KZ1000 
LTDs. Two ways for you to get the most 
out of motorcycling. Theyre available 
now, only at your local Kawasaki dealer. 


Let the good times roll. 


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PLAYBOY 


Asa host — 
I appreciate the superior 


quality of Smirnoff... 


As an economist 


lapplaud 
ils superior value? 


“The doom and gloom boys say, "Hang 


on to every nickel. Cut back on everything. ELIOT JANEWAY, 


world famous economist. 

“T say, nonsense! If you want quality, you have 
to pay for it. That's why Smirnoff’ vodka costs 
a little more than ordinary vodkas. But any 
time you can get superb quality for just a little 
more, I say buy! 


"Speaking personally, I think Smirnoff makes 
a very good drink. Speaking as an economist, 
I think Smirnoff makes very good sense.” 

Gmimoff 
There's vodka, and then there's Smirnoff. 


ROSES ARE RED and violets are blue, but our valentine issue's 
of multiple hue. This February's colors span the spectrum, 
from wresding's black and blue to the red and white of 
the Polish flag. So lean back and ignore the white stuff 
outside. This is going to be a month of red-letter days. 

Half the men in the country would like to grapple with 
September Playmate Susan Smith. But Andy Kaufman, in his role 
us the male-chauvinist prig World Intergender Wrestling 
Champion, found the lady hard to pin down. In We Wuz 
Robbed!, Contributing Editor John Blumenthal reports that our 
pummeling Playmate got the better of Kaufman, who won a 
questionable decision. The battle may not have been the 
pair's last tangle—Susan's willing to stage a rematch, though 
she thinks Taxz’s Latka has been womanhandled enough. 

As Tip O'Neill and the Democratic Party lay on their backs 
last summer like June bugs on the President’s porch, it 
seemed dear that the Speaker would lose his voice in Ameri- 
can politics. ABC News correspondent James Wooten argues that 
O'Neill is a metaphor for the outdated idea of party politics 
itself. Wooten's article is called A Sea Change, and Don Ivan 
Punchatz turned in a knockout of an illustration 

Speaking of knockouts, violence in sports is nothing new. 
But Mork Krom, author of the novel Miles to Go, sees some- 
thing even more disturbing—a threering circus in the stands. 
‘The phantom punch of fan violence—aimed at athletes and 
officials—is giving American sports a black eye, says Kram. 
In Wild in the Seats. he looks for the reasons. Joann Daley 
provided the menacing illustration. 

Suppose you stretched the searching hand of science into 
the past to bring a genius, blinking, into the present day— 
whom would you choose? Time travel plays matchmaker for 
18th Century composer Giovanni Battista Pergolesi in Gianni, 
a smooth fictive symphony by Robert Silverberg. John Kurtz paints 
I picture for Silverberg's first appearance in PLAYBOY. 

It's impossible these days to pick up a newspaper or watch 
the nightly news without seeing the weathered, rustic face of 
the tough-willed Polish Solidarity labor leader Lech Walesa. 
If one man can change the course of a country, Walesa may 
be that man. Our exclusive Playboy Interview with him was 
done in Poland, in Polish, by Ania and Krysia Bittenek. 

The world would be a different place without two sexes. 
There could be no Intergender Wrestling Championship, for 
one thing, and The Playboy Advisor would concern himself 
solely with stereos, While most of us know the importance 
of gender distinctions, we've learned little about the reasons 
for those distinctions. In the second installment of our Man 
and Woman series, Jo Durden-Smith and Diane deSimone examine 
The Sexual Deal: A Story of Civilization, 

Skiing is a brisk winter breeze only if you do it well. Many 
folks have shattered dreams (and tibiae) before they ever reach 
the bottom of the bunny hill. But it’s all smoothly downhill 5 
in Senior Staff Writer James R. Petersen and Associate New ` 
York ог Tom Passavant's Ultimate Skiing. This excerpt from KRISTEL, JAECKIN 
Playboy's Guide to Ultimate Skiing (Playboy Press) is the best 

kier's aid since ski patrol. Gary Ruddell gave these two noted 
kes a lift with his bracing illustration. 

That's only part of the spectrum in this colorful compen- 
dium. PLAYBOY staffers Chet Suski, Kate Nolan, the aforemen- 
tioned Tom Passavant, Patty Beaudet, Betsy Bober Polivy and Gretchen 
McNeese have packaged a Year in Sex that overflows with all 
the purple shades of passion. Just Jaeckin's camera is che prism 
for a crystalline pictorial on spectacular Sylvia Kristel, 
Lady Chatterley, And were certain you'll agree that the 
quick brown Fox (Anne-Marie, that is) who jumped into our 
centerfold is most appropriately surnamed 

Our hearts are in this valen: 
and roses are red, but the best colors 


1 


BLUMENTHAL WOOTEN 


PUNCHATZ 


ne's PLAYBOY, Violets are blue 


n the pa 


DE SIMONE, DURDEN-SMITI 


PLAYBOY (ISSN 0032-1470), FEDRUANY, 1982, VOL. 25. мо, 2, PUBLISHED MONTHLY BY PLA 
3ND CLASS POSTAGE PAID AT CHGO.. ILL.. ө AT ADDL, MAILING OFFICES. SUBS.: Ih THE U.S., 51 


JOY IN NATIONAL ANO REGIONAL EDITIONS. PLAYBOY BLOC. т. MICHIGAN AVE., CHGO., ILL. во 
TOR 12 ISSUES, POSTMASTER: SEND FORM 3873 TO PLAYBOY, P.O. BOX 2420, BOULDER, COLO. возил. 


PLAYBOY 


vol. 29, no. 2—february, 1982 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 
5 
11 
5 
21 
BOOKS E a Oa 26 
Gionnî's Comeback Woiwode's soap-opera stor is more complex than he seems; а blast at bonking. 
MOVIES TILES dae o cc alce T. . 28 
Let's heor it for Ragtime; os for the big time, Burt's back in it. 
MUSIC ЕТЕТ ЕСЕ ЕРЕ ЕРБТР Ago 34 
апа eia А disprove Kipling) Могао S me eo ede 
[TELEVISION I Xue А кзн ЕЕ AE КЕЛДА ГЬ 40 
A look at some very special fore forthcoming from PBS and ABC. 
Sylvia Kristel : UPDATE ЗЕЕ nee a oes an EE ДЕК 42 
F i Dorothy Stratten: The legend begins. 
COMING ATTRACTIONS tart cater с E teat 43 
Whot a combination: Disney and Ray Brodbury. 
PLAYBOY'S TRAVEL GUIDE ............ ..STEPHEN BIRNBAUM 45 
For the gregariovs, travel clubs save time and money. 
IHEIPIAYBOY ADVISOR E O e c po 47 
DEAR PLAYMATES S ETE PECES a 51 
THE PLAYBOY, FORUM ИС 53 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: LECH WALESA—candid conversation ........ 61 


The proud Pole, leoder of Solidority, speoks out in favor of Poland for the 
Poles, the right to work and profit and his own exercise of power. 


GIANNI—fiction -- 2.24... e e opua ROBERT SILVERBERG 72 
In this offbeat fantosy, ‹ an ltolian composer is given a second chance at life. 


CEZEBNREES He was born in the 18th Century but lives out his life in the 20th. 


77 
‚ Sylvia Kristel reveals why she wos 


AT LONG LAST, LOVER—pictorial . 
As sensuous as Lady Chatterley herse! 
the right choice for that role. 


WILD IN THE SEATS—article .................... MARK KRAM 82 
What is it at so many athletic events that makes fans go crazy? 
STOLEN SWEETS—pictorial .............................-....+ 85 
PLAYBOY cartoonist Froncis Smith, a. Ка Smilby, shares on affectionote view of 
EA P. 133 cover girls from a bygone ero—when glamor was in its glory. 


GENERAL OFFICES: PLAvaDY munam, 919 ORTH MICHIGAN AVE, CHICAGO. ILLINOIS ком, RETURN FOSTAGE MUST ACCOMPANY Alb MAMUSCRITS, DRAINS AND TOSS sumo 
КЫ йн "e SUBJECT TO PLAYBOY S UNRESTRICIEO RIGHT TO EOIT AND TO COMMENT EDITORIALLY. CONTENTS c! HT © 1981 BY PLAYBOY. ALL 


RURGESS /ACE’S ANGELS, P. 138 (2) 
T. «4, DONALD DEMESIR. P. таз: JOHN DEREK, P. MO. PHILLIP DON, P. IOI, ION. GRANT EDWARDS, P. T 


COVER STORY 


Happy Valentine's Day from Playmate Kimberly McArthur, sporkling here in hoir ond 
make-up created by stylist Barbara Camp on o cover designed by Executive Art Director 
Tom Staebler. We think the ruby-red Rabbit Head reflects well on Kimberly's polish. 


NEXT OF SKIN—cttire ..........---.-----.ss++:-- DAVID PLATT 89 
Polished leathers and sumptuous suedes are in—here's advice on how to put 
together the newest looks. 


MAN AND WOMAN, PART Il 

THE SEXUAL DEAL: A STORY 

OF CIVILIZATION ....... JO DURDEN-SMITH ond DIANE DE SIMONE 95 
Why is there sex? A compelling lock ot why we are so highly sexed, and 
what that means to our civilization. 


FOXY LADY—playboy’s playmate of the month ................. 100 
Anne-Marie Fox is a body worshiper with a body to worship. 

PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor ........ RAN Ss drea са 112 

A SEA CHANGE—article ...................... JAMES WOOTEN 114 


There was a time when Tip O'Neill was unequaled in wielding power. But is 
there a political future for Mr. Democrat? 


MODERN SCREEN ROMANCE—article ............. ROBERT ANGUS 117 vides [Gata 
An up-to-the-minute guide to the new video equipment. 


WE WUZ ROBBED! —sports ................. JOHN BLUMENTHAL 122 
He calls himself the Intergender Wrestling Champion of the World, but in 
grappling with Playmate Susan Smith, Andy Kaufman may hove met his match. 


STOCKMAN: A VIDEO GAME FOR THE OVAL OFFICE—humor ...... 133 
What does the President do for fun? 

ULTIMATE 

SKIING—sports ........ JAMES R. PETERSEN and TOM PASSAVANT 134 


The thrilling adventures of two high-flying PLAYBOY staffers on and off the 
slopes as they search for the perfect powder. 


IHEIYEARIINISEX—— pictoril pte e oa E ee oc on, USE 
The Moral Majority may be breathing hard on the flanks of the sexual revolu- 


tion, but we persevere in our annual reportage of newsmakers in the nude. 


LECHEROUS ANONYMOUS—ribald classic . 


20 QUESTIONS: KAREN ALLEN .......................... SO ОН 
You thought you loved her in Raiders of the Lost Ark? Wait till you learn her 
real preferences for living and loving! 


PLAYBOY FUNNIES—humor ....... MOM T UE MERE. 154 
PLAYBOY POTPOURRI .......... Ace ыла a S Oo 196 
БПАҮВОҮ, ОМ THE SCENE. ELS eee. acs 211 
Best buys for the well-groomed office: оп array of accessories far classic 
elegance; Grapevine; Sex News. Ski Scom 


RICHARD FAYERTY / GAMMA-LIAISON, P 139: RICHARD FEGLEY, P, 12. 18, зи, 71; CLAUDE FRANCOLON | CAMMA-LIAISON., P. 1 
GOLDSMITH / LCI. P. 139: GURLITT / GAUMA-LIAISON. Р. 46; HARRIETT HILAND, P. Ni; VICTOR HUBBARD. P. 146; RICHARD KLEIN, P. 139 (2), 143, 146, 196, 127, LARRY L, LOGAN. P. S 12) 


1 э; кїн MARCUS. P. M з. EL (17: WALTER MEBRIDE/ RETNA, P. 140; CHAIS MERGEN/TANDEM PRODUCTIONS, P. 43; KERRY монтз P. S. I: ALAIN MORYAN/ 
PELHAM. P. 149: кон PHILLIPS, Р, S: GEORGES PIERRE, P. 78, ўз (2). BO (2): POMPEO POSAR. P. 145) JIM POZARIR/ 


ARNY FREYTAG, P. S1 (Z): RON GALELLA, P- 144; LYNN 


45, CHUCK PULIN P. 142: HERB RITTS / VISAGES. 
IDENCE JOURNAL] FICTURE GROUP. P- 139 


TOY моор 


19: PAT WAGER, P. 21, 47, 83, 


BETWEEN r. 16-17, 202-203; TIME.LITE CARD BETWEEN P. 2423, 194.195; PLAYBOY CLUBS INTERNATIONAL CARD BETWEEN 


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UE 


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Bound Shaper la e registered trademark of Audio Dynamles Conpernion, 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor and publisher 
NAT LEHRMAN associate publisher 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
ARTHUR PAUL art director 
DON GOLD managing editor 
GARY COLE photography director 
С. BARRY GOLSON executive editor 
TOM STAEBLER executive art director 


EDITORIAL 
ARTICLES: JAMES MORGAN editor; ROB FLEDER. 
associate editor; FICTION: ALICE K. TURNER 
editor; TERESA GROSCH associate editor; WEST 
COAST: STEPHEN KANDALL editor; STAFF: 
WILLIAM J. HELMER, GRETCHEN MCNEESE, 
PATRICIA PAPANGELIS (administration), DAVID 
STEVENS senior edilors; ROBERT E, CARR, WALTER 
LOWE, JR, JAMES R. PETERSEN senior staff 
writers; BARBARA NELLIS, RATE NOLAN, J. Е 
O'CONNOR, JOHN REZEK associate editors; SUSAN 


MARGOLIS-WINTER, TOM PASSAVANT. associate 
new york editors; KEVIN Соок assistant edi- 
tor; SERVICE FEATURES: TOM OWEN modern 


living editor; ED WALKER, MARC R. WILLIAMS 
assislant editors; DAVID PLATT fashion director; 
MARLA schor assistant editor; CARTOONS: 
MICHELLE URRY editor; COPY: ARLENE BOURAS 
editor; CAROLYN BROWSE, JACKIE JOHNSON, 
MARCY MARCHI, BARI LYNN NASH, CONAN 
PUTNAM, DAVID TARDY, MARY ZION researchers; 
CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: ASA BABER, STE- 
PHEN BIRNEAUN (travel), JOHN BLUMENTHAL, 
LAURENCE GONZALES, LAWRENCE GKOBEL, ANSON 
MOUNT, PETER ROSS RANGE, DAVID RENSIN, 
RICHARD RHODES, JOHN SACK, DAVID STANDISH, 
BRUCE WILLIAMSON (movies) 


ART 

KFRIG rore managing director; LEX WILLIS, 
CHET suski senior directors; вов POST, SKIP 
WILLIAMSON, BRUCE HANSEN associate directors; 
THEO KOUVATSOS, JOSEPH PACZEK assistant 
directors; wern клык senior art assistant; 
PEARL MIURA, ANN SEIDL art assistants; SUSAN 
HOLMSTROM traffic coordinator; BARBARA 
HOFFMAN administrative manager 


PHOTOGRAPHY 

MARILYN GRAROWSKI west coast editor; JEFF 
COHEN, JAMES LARSON, JANICE MOSES associate 
editors: VATTY BEAUDET, LINDA KENNEY, 
MICHAEL ANN SULLIVAN | assistant editors; 
RICHARD FEGLEY, POMPEO posar staf) photog- 
vaphers; BILL ARSENAULT, DON AZUMA, MARIO 
CASILLA, DAVID CHAN, NICHOLAS DE SCIOSE, PHIL- 
LUM DIXON, ARNY FREYTAG, DWIGHT НООКЕН, 
к. SCOTT HOOPER, RICHARD 17U1, STAN MALI- 
NOWSKI, KEN MARCUS contributing photogra- 
phers; JEAN PIERRE ношку (Paris), LUISA 
srewanr (Rome) contributing editors; JAMES 
warp color lab supervisor; KOBERT CHELIUS 
business manager 


PRODUCTION 
JOHN MASTRO director; ALLEN VARGO manager; 


MARIA MANDIS ast. Mgr; ELEANORE WAGNER, 
JODY JURGETO, RICHARD QUARTAROLL assistants 


READER SERVICE 
CYNTHIA LACEY-SIKICH manager 


CIRCULATION 
RICHARD SMITH director; ALVIN WIEMOLD sub- 
scription manager 


ADVERTISING 
HENRY W. MARKS director 


ADMINISTRATIVE 
MICHAEL LAURENCE business manage 
LETTE GAUDET. rights & permissions manager; 
MILDRED ZIMMERMAN administrative assistant 
PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, IN! 
DERICK J. DANIELS president 


_ TREAT EM СООР AND THEY LL TREAT YOU GOOD 


THE LONGER YOU WEAR'EM, THE BETTER THEY GET. 
est retailer call toll кее 1-800-251-3208 except in Tennessee сай 1-615-4 


Toshiba America Inc. 82 Totowa Road, Wayne. N] 07470 


Toshibahas a single philosophy about color television. 
But many different points of view. 


We think, to build the best tele- 
visions you have to set high standards. 

With that in mind, we work from 
the bottom up, beginning with the chassis, 
Every one we build must passa thorough 
computerized inspection. 

‘Then, if it meets our rigid stand- 
ards, we put in the picture tube. But not 
just any picture tube A Blackstripe 2 
Unlike older tubes that use round or ellip: 
tical phosphor dots to create the picture, 
Toshiba was the first in the world touse 


vertical phosphor stripes. The result is a 
brighter, sharper picture with more accu- 
rate and richer color. 

What's more, we feature micro- 
thin remote control and 105-channel 
cable capability on our sets, 

And in the same spirit of inno- 
vation, weve built the first CED-format 
video-disc player (pictured here) to feature 
remote control. Once you turn it on. all 
youll have to get up for is more popcorn. 

Sono matter what youre looking 


forin video, take 
agood look at 
Toshiba. From 


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highly sophisti — E 
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cover many different points М 

of view. One of them is sure to be yours. 


TOSHIBA 


Again. the first. 


THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY 


in which we offer an insiders look at whats doing and who's doing it 


CELEBRITIES RACK UP 


At right, Johnny Carson covers the backcourt for Vitas 
Gerulaitis at the Cedars-Sinai Monty Hall/Big 5 Ce- 
lebrity Tennis Toumament at Playboy Mansion West 
to benefit Cedars-Sinai's diabetes center. Below, the 
celebrity line-up includes singer Ed Ames, comedian {ж 
Johnny Yume, actors Bill Macy and Lloyd Bridges 
with the fund raiser's chairman, Dr, Harry Glassman. 


AND NO HITTING 
BELOW THE 
BELT, KIDS 


That's right, Hef, always 
lead with a right. Hugh 
M. Hefner extends a fist- 
ful of fingers to actress 
Sondra Locke, visiting MN 
Playboy Mansion West 
with leading man Clint 
Eastwood (right) to watch 
the closed-circuit telecast 
of the Sugar Ray Leon- 
ard-Tommy Hearns bout. 


GRANNY’S DADDY, MEET FLIPPY SKIPPY 


Below, cartoonists Buck Brown (who fathered Gran- 
ny) and Skip Williamson (who has a close working 
relationship with Neon Vincent of the massage- 
parlor trade) exchange punch lines with Christie 
Hefner at Hudson Brown of Chicago, where their 
works and other PLAvBoy cartoons were exhibited. 


NO, VIKKI, THIS 
ISN'T THE 
DATING GAME 


И Tom Snyder looks puck- 
ish above, it's because 
Міккі La Motta (fighter 
Jake's ex-wife) has just 
confessed on national tele- 
vision, “I don't love Jake 
the way 1 love you, Tom.” 
In addition to Tomorrow, 
the 51-year-old beauty we 
featured last November ap- 
peared on countless other 
TV shows; the shot at 
right enhanced Newsweek. 


THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY 
PLAYMATE UPDATE 


1 SCREAM, YOU SCREAM, WE ALL 
SCREAM FOR MISSY CLEVELAND 


Since her thrilling centerfold in April 1979, Missy Cleveland (left) has 
gone on to create screen roles nearly as memorable. Below 

is a shot from Blow Out, in which she plays a B-movie 

actress who just can't scream to, uh, save her own life. 


RICK, RIC AND BEBE 
MAKE A RECORD 


Miss November 1974, Bebe 
Buell, has recorded her own 
EP, Covers Girl (Rhino), pro- 
duced by Rick Derringer and 
the Cars’ Ric Ocasek. The four- 
cut disc includes songs by 
Tom Petty and Bacharach/David, 


PRICE IS 
RIGHT FOR 
THIS PART 


Karen Price has also 
made some progress in 
Hollywood. It may sound 
inflationary, but Price 
is definitely rising. At 
left, the January 1981 
Playmate studies her 
script on the set for 
United Artists’ new 
movie Swamp Thing, 
which stars Adrienne 
Barbeau. If that doesn't 
make you head for a 
hydrofoil, check out 
Karen below greeting 
the new year in 1981. 


IMPORTED CANADIAN WHISKY - A BLEND ВО PROOF - CALVERT DIST CO, Н ҮС. 


Go for the best from the North. A Canadian 
so good, it takes the efforts of four great 
distilleries from Manitoba to Quebec 

to make the superb taste of one great whisky. 
Lord Calvert: The Lord of the Canadians. 


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ШУ „2 /// 


Better sound through 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


ADDRESS DEAR PLAYBOY 
PLAYBOY BUILDING 
919 Н. MICHIGAN AVE. 
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 


A LOTTA LA MOTTA 
How clever and patient of PLavnoy to 
wait 28 years for Vikki La Motta to 


reach full bloom. Raging Beauty (No- 
vember) is superb. The lady has it all 
and you are the only ones to do her jus- 
tice. A friend of mine says he'd like to 
tell his wife his desire that she look that 
great in 95 years, but she'd t the 
same of him. I said, “So tell her if she'll 
look like Vikki, you'll look like 


Parma, Ohio 


Vikki La Motta is the real champ. 
Forget how she looked a ‚ she's 
even more magnificent, A tip of the top 
hat to РГАҮВОУ for featuring a truly 
gorgeous woman over 40. Her confidence, 
strength, free spirit and self-esteem shine 
through. Nature supplies us all with 
physical attractiveness in youth, but we 
must work hard to maintain and pre- 


serve it through the years Will you 
feature other over-10 beauties on а 
monthly basis? The world is full of beau- 
tiful, exciting, sexy older women; why 
not reward them with praise and recog- 
nition? Let's dissolve the old-lady image 
once and for all. 

(Name withheld by request) 

San Clemente, Сай 


All of u: stern Kentucky are most 

grateful for November's Raging Beauty 

We definitely have respect for our 

elders—would Vikki like to come visit? 
‘The Men of Sixth Floor Dupree Hall 
Eastern Kentucky University 
Richmond, Kentucky 


Ooo-la-la, La Motta! Holy cats—where 
did you ever discover that 5l-year-young 
woman? 


Dave Adams 
Athens, Pennsylvania 


While my roommates and 1 were ре 
rusing your November issue, we got into 
quite a discussion concerning Raging 
Beauty, amazed with the beauty of a 
woman whose age approaches that of our 
mothers. The argument centered on the 
various techniques employed by PLAYBOY 
in preparing a photograph for publica- 
Despite the fact that we possess 
limited knowledge of photography, we 
couldn't help wondering how much 
PLAYBOY uses sophisticated processes to 
enhance its photographs. Is what we се 
on the pages of PLAYBOY what Vikki La 
Motta actually looks like in the nude? 
Or are your readers presented with a 
spruced-up final product? 

Joseph А. Harbert 
University of Notre Dame 
South Bend, Indiana 


tion. 


Seems I picked th 
become a subscriber. 


perfect month to 
I had to wrestle 


Ee maaa 


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the postman to the pavement to get hold 
of November's PLAYBOY. I'm sure it was 
because it features Vikki La Motta. 
tastic—please do it again. 
Byron Rozier 
San Antonio, Texas 


I am a profesional boxer currently 
rated number 16 by the World Boxing 
I saw Raging Bull and have 
cles about Jake La Motta but 
had no idea his wife was so beautiful. 
My compliments to Vikki for her Raging 
Beauty and to PLAYBoY for its raging 
good tastel 


‘Tony McMinn, “The 
Irish Express 
Quapaw, Oklahoma 


You have outdone yourselves. Vikki 
La Motta is the most stunning and viva- 
cious woman PLAYBOY has ever featured. 

Roger Peterson 
Austin, Texas 


Vikki is an absolute work of art, but I 
suspect the photos of her have been 
touched up a bit. There's not a wrinkle 
anywhere! 


Ellis ]. Eddy 
Willis, Michigan 
The overwhelming response to “Rag- 
ing Beauty” knocked us out, but those 
suggestions about retouching make Vikki 
tight cross. Naturally, we presented her 
in a flattering light, but none of the 16 
photographs in “Raging Beauty” was 
retouched in any way. And there is a 
wrinkle on her, Ellis. Опе. We just won't 
tell you where. 


FINE CRYSTAL 
The Problem with Crystal (pLavnoy, 

November)? Really! While her record 
companies are busy trying to categorize 
her music, her albums sell platinum and 
stay on the charts for a year at a time. 
Crystal's fans aren't confused at all. The 
only problem with Crystal is having to 
wait in line four hours to get tickets to 
one of her shows. Thanks to Chet Flippo 
and to PLAYBOY for an excellent profile 
of a great talent. 

Terry L. Rocdl 

Mattapoisett, Massachusetts 


SCHEER FALLACI 

For the record, and though I admire 
her extravagantly for her journalistic 
exploits, I'm afraid Miss Fal 
ory of the Kissinger tape episode (The 
Playboy Interview, November) is fuzzy, 
just as her tape was. Bill McClure, who 
produced my Fallaci profile for 60 
Minules half a dozen years ago, remem- 
bers—as do I—hearing a virtually in- 
audible Henry Kissinger on her tape 
cassette. We did not hear the famed 
"Lone Cowboy" exchange, and Miss Fal- 
laci, for some reason, was reluctant to 
let us hear more than a snatch or two 
of her cassette. Having said that, I re- 


mem- 


iterate my admiration for Oriana. Her 
interviews with the shah, the Ayatollah, 
with Teng Hsiao p'ing et al. are superb. 
And as for Kissinger, her piece helped 
make him the media darling he be- 
came near the beginning of his time in 
the White House; in fact, she was in at 
the creation. Ciao, Oriana! 

Mike Wallace 

CBS News 

New York, New York 


What an interview! In а world of sell- 
outs and compromisers, Oriana Falla 
shines as a brilliantly candid and tough 
professional. Thanks to Robert Scheer 
for slugging it out with the irrepressible 
Fallaci and to рглүвоү for presenting 
the most scintillating and entertaining 
interview ever. 


Christopher L. Colcord 
Bloomington, Indiana 


The fact that anyone with a mental 
capacity above that of a soap dish would 
pay any heed to Oriana Fallaci is a 
source of amazement to me. Her opin- 
ions, unleavened by thought, coherence 
or originality, seem to consist solely of 
physiological slurs and vulgar references. 
She confines herself to ad hominem at- 
tack: ainst her intervie nd others. 
When subjected to an interview that is 
relatively gentle compared with what she 
has directed toward her subjects, she 
proves to be intolerant and evasive to 
the point of cowardice. Many thanks to 
Scheer for exposing а phony. 

Phillip Bakken 
Detroit, Michigan 


I have been struck by Fallaci's words 
on terrorism, murder and courage. We all 
have our own notions about the worth 
of human lile. Very few believe that 
all human life should be preserved 
under all circumstances. Many feel that 
a person's deeds (murder, kidnaping, 
etc) can justify the taking of his or her 
life. Abortionists believe the social and 
economic conditions that mother and 
child will face are more important than 
the life of the unborn fetus. Terrorists 
are convinced their cause is more impor- 

an their own or their hostages’ 

lives. Fallaci is right when she says that 

in some conditions one does take hos- 
tages and one does kill people. 
Tom Arno 

Saratoga, California 


Congratulations, Robert Scheer and 
praywoy! The Fallaci interview is a 
rare sampling of superlative journalism. 
Although Fallaci's ideas often dis- 
comfiting, her interview proves thought- 
provoking. Of particular interest are her 
opinions of American media puppetry. 
We remain blind to this massive manip- 
ulation until a European like Fallaci 
explicates its consequences. The power 
of television journalism has been glossed 


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PLAYBOY 


18 


over by our own professional and lay 
critics. but it is eve-opening to see it 
expressed so succinctly by an outsider. 
hen Fallaci talks, people listen. 
Daniel J. Awender 
Kitchener, Ontario 


As a homosexual, I find Oriana Fal- 
laci's comments quite interesting —espe- 
cially when she says she is more of a man 
than T am. If this is truc, may I suggest 
she utilize her unique anatomical quali- 
ties to go screw herself? 

(Name withheld by request) 
San Francisco, California 


Robert Scheer's fearless interview with 
iana Fallaci is your most intriguing. 
alistic venture to date. Bringing 
two of the world’s most relentless inter- 
viewers together for a head-on confronta- 
tion was "Scheer" genius! 

EW /3 Christopher Jones 

U.S.N.T. T.C. Corry Station 

Pensacola, Florida 


SMOOTH CANADIAN 
Please accept my congratulations for 
divine November Playmate Shannon 
Tweed. She is nearly too marvelous for 
words. PLAYBOY has lived up to its in- 
ternational reputation by capturi 
some true foreign beauty. 
Ken Gill 
Toronto, Ontario 


What a relief to know there's more 
than one “Boss Tweed.” Frankly. I wish 
Shannon’s pictures were hanging in our 
Boss Tweed restaurant. instead of shots 
of that ugly 19th Century mayor. 

Sandy Newman 
Boss Tweed, Inc. 
Linden, New Jersey 


ce, we could 


ТЕ given the time and s 
go on all day complimenting you on 
the November ptaywoy, The pictorials 
on Playmate Shannon Tweed and Vikki 
La Motta exemplify rLaysoY's continu- 
ing expertise in finding many of the 
finestlooking women of the world. Miss 
Tweed is one of the most beautiful 
women we have ever seen. Stand assured. 
that nowhere аге your magazines many 
talents more appreciated than in the 
military. We, a few good men, thank 
and salute you for the outstanding cn- 
tertainment PLAYBOY brings us. 

Headquarters Battery, Tenth 
Marine Regiment 

Second Marine Division, ЕМЕ 

Татар Lejeune, North Carolina 


My father was born in St. John’s, 
wioundland, and his branch of the 
family emigrated to the States 50 yea 
ago. 1 paid a Rootsiype visit there in 
1979 and mentally congratulated my 
andfather for leaving that naturally 
but remote and backward 


beautiful 


province. Now I have to doubt his judg- 
ment. Shannon Tweed does for “Newfie’ 
jokes what Pope John Paul II does for 
Polish jokes—disproves them. 
(Name withheld by request) 
Neptune City, New Jersey 


Shannon Tweed worries that she 
might be “just too tall." Nonsense! Being 
64", I dream of dating tall women and 
would love to have the opportunity to 
tell Shannon she's definitely not “Too 
Tall Tweed" Please, one more (full 
length) look at that long. lovely woman. 

Michael Tillich 
Chicago, Illinois 

That's a tall order we're happy to fill, 

Michael. There are those who believe 


our fashionable Tweed is the fairest of 
them all. We've caught Shannon here in 
a reflective mood. 


SWING SHIFT 

Your jazz taste buds (in Playboy After 
Hours, November) are out of sync if 
you think Joe Jacksons Jumpin’ Jive 
is anything to jump about. Try a little 
Rockin’ in Rhythm with the Widespread 
Jazz Orchestra thing in 
Swing. IVs too bad the famous can get 
so much attention for straying lamely 
into new territory, while true artists go 
unnoticed and unacknowledged 

Beatrice Loos 


New York, New York 


for the re: 


CHRISTIAN. MANIFESTO 

I must respond to Whit Snyder's crit- 
icism of liberals in. November's Dear 
Playboy. Me is sure that liberals are 
Icading our nation down “the road to 
socialism." All too often, any idea that 
someone disagrees with is labeled so- 
cialistic. The people who attempt to 
force their ideas down our throats have 
the nerve to call those of us they feel 
are socialists “godless,” because that's 
nother name that scares people. But in 
reality, who is godless? My religion 
teaches me that there is one God, who 
alone created the universe, and who sent 
the prophets, none higher than Jesus 
Jesus said that as we feed and clothe the 
hungry and the naked, so we do unto 


him. And that’s what we want to do. 
Jesus also said to honor your father and 
mother. We say our capacity to destroy 
all forms of life on earth does not honor 
our Father, God. We say nuclear pow- 
er plants and strip mining do not honor 
our mother, Earth. If trying to live 
within the guidelines Jesus taught makes 
us socialists, then so be it. 

Patrick R. McElligott 

People Engaged in Action 

to Conserve Our Earth 
Masonville, New York 


ODDS AND ENDS 
Of course, the point of James R. 
Petersen's Genuine Risk (PLAYNOY, No- 
vember) is that we can't worry about the 
inhcrent risks we take cvery day. But 
there are those of us who can't help but 
look at his figures and realize that the 
odds of becoming a flat-footed, impo- 
tent, alimony-paying homosexual with 
V.D. who gets caught in an extramarital 
and subsequently commits suicide 
area fr g one in 868 billion. 
Steve Yastrow 
Chicago, Illinois 


COOL CHANGE 

Someone just told me that Tula Cos 
sey, one of the models in your For Your 
Eyes Only pictorial (pravsoy, June), is 
really a guy who's had a sex-change op- 
eration! If you'll confirm or deny this, 
I promise to keep quiet about it. Still, 
it would be great to get a second look 
at (pick your pronoun). I remember the 

picture. They sure looked real to me. 

(Name and address 
withheld by request) 
AS a cosmetic surgeon may have said 
to Tula herself, “Let's 
breast of this.” It seems the lady was, 


make a clean 


indeed, once just one of the boys. Maybe 
we should have suspected something 
when informed that Tulu's favorite game 
of tenni. 


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PLAYBOY AFTER 
We a 


PIE IN THE SKY 

An Army explosives ordnance dis- 
posal expert at Fort Ord, Californi 
says Australian farmers, plagued by the 
problem of fertilizing their sparse pas- 
tures, feed their cattle a photosensitive 
chemical, After a cowflop flops, the sun 
causes the chemical in 
explode, shooting fragments of cow pat- 
ty over a wide arca. 

All of which means that although the 
posibility of being caught in a mine 
field of meadow muffins is only lud. 
crously frightening, the idea of all the 
bullshit in the Army exploding at once 
is something else. 


the manure to 


. 

The Indianapolis Star reported on a 
police investigation centering on a ho- 
mosexual One officer opined: 
“There's not much question that it was 
gayrclated." Police detained one suspect 
but did not arrest him. Chief Bill 
Burgan summed it up: “Nothing came 
out of that. It was fruitless. 


murder. 


READ BETWEEN THE LINES 

Just in case you still haven't found 
out everything you always wanted to 
know about sex in one volume, you 
might try checking out this title pre- 
sented the Fifth World Congress of 
Sexology in Jerusalem: Anthropomor- 
phic Cosmogeny from Primitive Times, 
Studies on Original Sources and in 
Painstaking Highlighted Metaphysical 
Aspect of Erotic Legends, Folklore, Sex 
and Sex Rites of Different Societies to 
Present Times with a Special Reference 
10 Marriage, Sex Preference, Sex Prede- 
termination, Disputes and Peace. Su- 
zanne Somers will star in the ABC 
spin-off series. 


15 THIS TRIP NECESSARY? 


Attention, Nobel Prize judges: А 
French doctor visiting Geneva recently 
ate a dish of poison mushrooms in order 


to prove the effectiveness of a home- 
grown antidote. Dr. Pierre Bastien, 57, 
chomped on nearly three ounces of 
“death cap” mushrooms fried in butter 
to publicize his special cure. Following 
his meal, he downed his secret potion. 
After two days, to prove that he was 
well on the way to recovery following 
his surely fatal dose, he jumped out of 
bed, crouched on all fours and began 
barking like a dog. Sounds as if Carlos 
Castaneda catered that a 
. 

This classified ad comes from Cali- 
fornia's Monterey Peninsula Exchange: 
“Large kitchen table, six chairs and mid- 
dle leaf, 40 fucks or trade for sofa of 
good quality.” Presumably, that is one 
man's answer to chronic backaches. 

Б 

And from our Call "Em As You Sce 

"Ет Department: As we go to press, 


айг. 


porn star John C. Holmes is still in hid- 
ing, fearing for his life because he is 
alleged to have witnessed a brutal gang- 
Jand murder. Sharon, his wife of 17 years, 
told a reporter for the Los Angeles 
mes that although she has filed for 
divorce from Holmes, a.k.a. Johnny 
Wadd, “I still love him, schmuck that 
he is.” 


DONT CRY NOW 

For you who think you're involved in 
a less than perfect relationship. Dump- 
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MONSTROUSLY SUCCESSFUL 

The town of Port Henry, New York, 
has discovered that monsters are good 
for the economy. The village, located on 
the southern tip of Lake Champlain, 
had suffered through stories about a 
local sea serpent for years before notic- 
ing that the town of Loch Ness was 
making a pretty penny exploiting its 
finned phantom, 

So, a while back, the town began 
capitalizing on its secretive serpent. First, 
a law was passed stating that no one 
was allowed to harass the beastie 
dubbed Champ. The tourists, hearing 
the news, began to flock to the town. 
The myth began to hype itself. 

In the past 12 months, says Mayor 
Robert Brown. at least 
people, including "17 people in a Bible 
class,” have sighted the creature. 

With the visitor population on the 
upswing, cash is beginning to flow. But 


three dozen 


21 


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RALEIGH iil 


LIGHTS 


is all this hubbub having a negative 
effect on the town? When asked if the 
villagers were your basic weirdo 
the kind of oddballs who cl: 
UFOs periodically, the mayor 
and replied, “You won't believe this. 1 
hate to tell you, but I saw UFOs twice!” 
jounds like a great place for a Dennis 
Hopper film festival. 


CHECKING IN 


By the age of 20, the former Roy 
Fitzgerald of Winnetka, Illinois, had 
been а mailman, a World War Two 
naval aircraft mechanic and a Los 
Angeles truck driver. Nine years laler, 
after much coaching, numerous bit parts 
and a change of name, Rock Hudson 
emerged as America's number-one male 
box-office attraction. Today, Hudson re- 
mains one of this country's most dura- 
ble—and least interuiewed—stars. Sam 
Merrill caught up with Hudson at his 
$11,900,000 Beverly Hills estate during 
a brief hiatus between shooting a two. 
part TV movie about World War Three 
and preproduction on his new TV series, 
“The Devlin Connection,” in which he 
and top male model Jack Scalia play 
father-and-son private investigators. Mer 
rill tells us: “Although he has other 
interests, Hudson's. favorite subject is 
films. Нез a genuinely gracious host; 
and he's also extremely tall.” 

PLAYBOY: You're the last major star to 
emerge from the Hollywood studio sys 
tem. Do you think that was a better 
system for producing stars—and pic- 
tures—than the one we have now? 
nubson: No question. When I was under 
contract at Universal, I was paid a week- 
ly salary just to study. I took acting, 
fencing. horseback riding, diction—I had 
this high Ilinois twang. so they taught 
me to lower my voice. 1 even studied 
ballet. And while I was learning, they'd 
use me in bit parts: a gas-station attend- 
ant, a nightclub doorman. Katharine 
Hepburn once told me that under the 
udio system the only thing she had to 
be concerned about was her perform- 
ance. She said, “If E didn't like the house 
1 was living in, the studio found me 
another house, If I didn't like my maid 
or my butler, the studio found me 
aid or butler. We didn't have to worry 
about the gas bill or getting the car 
tuned up—the things that occupy so 
much of our time in normal life.” And I 
think that was pretty good. I know it 
made for better pictures, 

LAYBOY: Despite the riding lessons. you 
didn't make many Westerns. But there 
was one, The Undefeated, a fairly dread- 
ful horse opera now memorable because 
it was the only time you and John 


smiled. 


new 


Wayne worked together. What sort of 
xperience was that? 
HUDSON: I never liked West because 


of the locations. You're always out in 
the boondocks somewhere, We shot The 
Undefeated in Durango, Mexico. If the 
earth had an asshole, it would be 
Durango, Mexico. But working with 
John Wayne was very interesting. After 
the first day's shooting, he kept making 
suggestions to me. “Why don't you cock 
your head this way while we're talking?” 
“Why don't you hold your gun across 
your chest for that tight shot?” Things 
like that. They seemed like good ideas, 
mostly, so I went along with them; but 
that night, 1 began to think maybe he 
was playing some kind of head game 
with me—trying to upstage me or estab- 
lish dominance. So, the next day, I 
began making suggestions to him. That 
surprised him, but he tried everything Т 
suggested. And the bits he liked, he used. 
wi he said, 


appreciated your help out there today. 
Nobody tells me anything anymore. 
Well, after that, we had a great time 
together. 

PLayboy: Some people who worked with 
Wayne now say he drank too much on 
the set. Was he ever drunk during shoot- 
ing with you? 

рѕом: Sometimes he would hurt 1 
sell a little affer shooting. But wh 
cameras were rolling, the Duke was 
ready. In fact, John Wayne had better 
concentration than any actor I've eve 
seen except James Dean. Wayne was fun 
to work with, and maybe that bothered 
some of the people who have become his 
detractors now. 

PLAYBOY: How about yourself? WI 
your drugs of choice? 

nupsox: Alcohol has always been my old 
stand-by. I've tried coke. I was on lo- 
п somewhere and when 1 got back 
to my room late at night, totally 


at are 


ca 


smashed, the guard was taking a couple 
of good-sized hits through a dollar bill— 


h Гус always thought was appro- 
c. He offered me a snort and 1 said, 
ble, Sobered 


me right up. Marijuana isn't my idea 
of a good time, either. 1 may be old- 
fashioned, but when 1 entertain, I never 
se grass or coke in my house. 
I mean, it is illegal, isn't it? 

PLAYBOY: Aside from booze, what are 
your other vices? - 

HUDSON: I don't consider them vices. 
soy: What do you do for relaxation? 
HUDSON: I si nd sail and swim and 
water-ski. But for real relaxation, career 
decisions and working out new roles in 
my head, there's nothing like gardening. 
Planting. watering: sometimes ТИ just 
pull weeds for hours and be totally Jost 
n my thoughts. 
PLAYBOY: Are there 
you like? 

HUDSON: TI tell you one movie I thought 
was wonderful. Electric Horseman. A 
marvelous film with marvelous strong 
characters. Jane Fonda and Robert Red- 
ford. Now, there’s a great screen couple. 
They should do more together, 
PLayHoy: Speaking of great screen cou- 


any recent films 


ples, have vou seen Doris Day lately? 
пирѕох: We're very close friends. So 
close that we don't have to see h 
other. Doris has taken herself out of cir 


culation a bit, but not because she's 
disillusioned or become a recluse, as 
some people have said. Doris is comfort- 
able and the last time we talked, she 
said she just didn't want to work any- 
more. Which is unfortunate, because 
she's a brilliant comedienne. You know, 


Doris and 1 got to the point where we 
couldn't look at each other without 
i ; hysterical laugh- 


we never looked 
h other on the set. I think that’s 
tly why those pictures were success 
ful. Because the sparkle was there. 
PLAYBOY: What were the biggest mis- 
takes of your career? 

HUDSON: ] turned down Ben Hur and I 
chose 4 Farewell to Arms over Sayonara. 
PLAYBOY: As а 6/1” movie legend, you're 
rly intimidating presence. Who in- 
timidates you? 

mubson: The most intimidating for me 
was J.F.K. We met at a fundra 
banquet where he was the guest of 
honor. There was an extra chair ar 
every table so he could make the rounds 
during dinner and chat with everyone 
1 couldn't imagine what I might say to 
him that would be the least bit interest 
ing. But then I thought, My паше is 
Fivgerald, and so is his, and we've both 
spent time in Ireland. So I'll just open 
with that and go from there. And then 
1 relaxed, finished dinner, and eventual- 
ly the President d at my table. The 
first thing he said was, "Your 
Fitgerald, and so is minc, we've 
both spent time in Ireland." My mouth 
fell open. 1 couldn't say a word. He 
must have thought I was a complete 
idiot. 


ng 


23 


HE WEST WAS WILD. So were the 
people. And many of the rugged charac- 
ters from that wild and woolly era re- 
corded their frontier adventures in books 
hat are among the most exciting, most au- 
thentic true-life narratives ever written, 

These works include the personal accounts 
of cowboys who lived on the dusty trail and 
soldiers who fought in the Indian wars; 
buckskinned mountain men and dauntless 
pioneers who led the way across an 
untamed land. 


Rare, valuable editions 

Many of these historic accounts are rareand difficult to 
find. Some have been out of print for years; and collectors 
of Western Americana pay hundreds, even thousands. of 
dollars for a single original edition. 

Now, for the first time, they will be brought together in 
an exquisite series of matched leather-bound volumes: 
CLASSICS OF THE OLD WEST. 


Superb beauty and craftsmanship 
In every way, CLASSICS OF THE OLD West is a series of 
books that is faithful to the spirit of the West. Each volume 
is fully bound in high-quality genuine leather, with a hand- 


ТЕППЕЙ collector editions of rare, 
true-life narratives from the Old West ега 


If card is missing, mail this coupon to: 


(TIME) 


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socka Chicago, Illinois 60611 


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future volumes in the CLASSICS OF THE OLD Wrsr series one at a 
time approximately every other month. Each leatherbound 
volume is $21.95 plus shipping and handling and comes on a 
10-day, free-examination basis. There is no mi ium number 
of books that I must buy and I may cancel my subscription at 
any time simply by notifying vou. If 1 do not choose to keep A 
Texas Cowboy, 1 will return the book within 10 days, my sub- 
scription for future volumes will be canceled and I will be under 
no further obligation. DAAGL6 


Print: 
Name — 


Address. 


All orders subject to approval. 


Mail the card today for a FREE 10-day examination! 


Announcing an all-new Western series wn 1 TIME LIFE BOOKS! 


some Western design on the cover, highlighted by 
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luxurious marbleized endpapers, a textured ribbon 
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To assure complete authent the volumes in the 
CLASSICS OF THE OLD WE s retain the same period 
typography and distinctive title pages of the rare and valu- 
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maps and frontispieces that made the originals so colorful. 


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Future leather-bound volumes in 
CLassics OF THE OLD WEST will 
include fascinating accounts such 
as The Authentic Life of Billy the 
Kid...Life Among the Apaches... The 
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26 


ES Woiwode's new novel, Poppa 
John (Farrar, Suaus & Giroux), is 
to read. It revolves around 
y actor known for his soap- 
opera role as Poppa John.. He was let 
go from his job and has been unem- 
ployed for a year. Most of the novel 
takes place two days before Christmas, 
when Poppa John and his wife, Celia, 
go out to shop for Christmas presents. 
They are poor and, in many ways, des 
perate. Woiwode lets us see how Poppa 
John’s life is coming apart at its seams, 
and he does this as if he were pecling 
an onion. The reader's orientation apes 
Poppa John's and we learn things about 
him as he does about himself. The book 
ends on Christmas and in a very Chris- 
Чап manner. There is redemption, рай 
forgivencss, violence, hope and the kind 
of writing craftsmanship that urges us 
to care. 


б 

Wilfrid Sheed writes about his friend 
of 32 years in the biography Clare Boothe 
Luce (Dutton). Sheed chooses his anec- 
dotes well; but with a subject as fasci- 
nating as this multicareer woman (writer, 
politician, Ambassador), he really 
couldn't miss. 


. 

The bank that sends you a credit 
card and says it's your friend is very 
possibly lending immense sums of 
money to countries that may not be 
able to pay them back. If this interna- 
tional house of cards ever comes tum- 
bling down, taking us with it, we can't 
say that Anthony Sampson, author of 
The Money Lenders (Viking), didn't warn us. 
This first-rate book (by the author of 
The Seven Sisters and The Arms Bazaar: 
From Lebanon to Lockheed) examines 
banks such as Citibank, Chase Man- 
hattan, Barclays and others and finds 
that “the personalities that lie behind 
them" have certain patterns of think- 
ing and dealing that may be dan- 
gerous to our financial health. “ ‘Ther: 
comfort in being one of the herd, 
Sampson quotes one of the financiers 
from ChemicalBank as he tries to ex- 
plain why numerous loans were being 
made to the shah of Iran in the final 
days of the pseudo monarch's power. 
Thats only one of many examples 
Sampson presents. Whether he's describ- 
ing the psyche of the money men or the 
shaky loan structures they have created 
out of habit and history, he gives us a 
detailed, authoritative and exciting ac- 
count of where the money comes from, 
where it goes and why one day it might 
not come back. 


P 

Yellow Rain (Evans), by Sterling Sea- 
grave, refers to the fatal yellow powder 
sprayed from airplanes over the villages 


A new novel from Larry 
Woiwode; Anthony Samp- 
son takes on the banks. 


Banks: When will they blow? 


of the Hmong in Southeast Asia—pow- 
der that caused massive bleeding and 
death. Seagrave believes that tactic is 
part of a new Soviet offensive in chem- 
ical and biological warfare, used by 
them in Yemen, Afghanistan and China 
as well. The U.S.A. has its own prob- 
lems in the control of nerve gases and 
other exotic killing devices, as Seagrave 
describes, and he thinks we “have little 
time left to turn matters around before 
we pass the point of no return in the 
poisoning of the planet.” Worth reading. 
. 

With formula thrillers rolling off 
the presses in staggering numbers, it's 
a special treat to find one that’s not 


only literate but original—in spite of 
ts title. In Savage Day (Delacorte), 
‘Thomas Wiseman first entertains with a 
suspenseful account of the first atom 
bomb test and the combination of 
genius and anxiety that went into it. 
Then, post-Hiroshima, he begins turn- 
ing his scientists and their wives inside 
out through the investigations of an 
intellectually misplaced security officer 
trying to investigate what may or may 
not be accidents and treasonous be- 
havior. The bomb itself is merely the 
detonator, setting off a chi reaction 
of recriminations, introspection, infi- 
delity and deftly delivered surprises. 
“True to its theme, the story ends with a 
bang, nota whimper. 

. 

Our scientific understanding of the 
origins of homosexuality can best be 
summed up by a joke that was making 
the rounds a few years back: "My mother 
made me a homosexual!” “Gee, if I gave 
her enough wool, would she make me 
one, too?” There was a large body of 
psychoanalytical theory that attributed 
homosexual behavior to weak fathers, 
dominating mothers, unresolved Oedipal 
conflicts, early labels of “sissy” or 
“queer.” Enough already. Sexual Prefer- 
ence: Из Development in Men and Women 
(Indiana University Press), by Alan P. 
Bell, Martin S. Weinberg and Sue 
Kiefer Hammersmith, 
study that challenges all of our assump- 
tions about sexual preference—both 
straight and gay. Working through the 
Alfred C. Kinsey Institute for Sex Re- 
search, the authors interviewed almost 
1500 men and women of all sexual per- 
suasions in the San Francisco area. They 
found that the old stereotypes did not 
hold up. Their most important condu- 
sions: “By the time boys and girls reach 
adolescence, their sexual preference is 
likely to be already determined, even 
though they may not yet have become 
sexually very active. ... The homosexual 
men and women in our study were not 
particularly lacking in heterosexual сх- 
periences during their childhood and 
adolescent years. They are distinguished 
from their heterosexual counterparts, 
however, in finding such experiences un- 
gratifying.” The bottom line: “You may 
supply your sons with footballs and your 
daughters with dolls, but no one can 
guarantee that they will enjoy them 
What we secm to have identified isa 
pattern of feclings and reactions within 
the child that cannot be traced back to 
a single social or psychological root; in- 
deed, homosexuality may arise from a 
biological precursor (as do lefthanded- 
ness and allergies, for example) that 
parents cannot control," This is a fasci- 
nating and important study. 


A ofthese prizes an 

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received by Siebel/Mohr. an independent judging organization whose decisions are final. 3.Each of he 20 Grand Prize winners 
villrecelve $1,000in cash which may be used towards a party in hisor her favorite bar or restaurant, plus$500tooffsettax abilities 
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28 


MOVIES 


BE seeing Ragtime (Paramount), one 
might have wondered whether а vie- 
ble movie could be made from such a 
huge, sprawling hunk of Americana. 
E. L. Doctorow’s best-selling novel cov- 
ered everyone and everything from Hou- 
dini and racism to show business, love 
triangles and family life in old New York 
during the early part of the 20th Cen- 
tury. To invent an original screenplay of 
this complexity, crowded with overlap- 
ping characters and incidents, would be 
sheer madness. There's enough going on 
in Ragtime to fill several full-length fea- 
tures. Well, now I've seen it and my 
hat's off to director Milos Forman and 
adapter Michael Weller (who also did 
the brilliant adaptation of Forman's 
underappreciated Hair) for simplifying, 
jazzing up and generally re-creating Doc- 
torow with such exuberance that the film 
seems—as much as anything—a loving 
paean to the joys of cinema. Well along 
in Ragtime—atter Stanford White has 
been shot hy Evelyn Nesbit's jealous hus- 
band, after a black piano player named 
Coalhouse Walker, Jr., has taken over 
the J. Р. Morgan Library by force— 
there’s a beautiful scene in which an 
immigrant sidewalk sketch artist (Mandy 
Patinkin) who has found his future in 
film making proposes, in broken English, 
a toast to that historic discovery. “For a 
couple pennies, people see in a short 
time the whole life of the world, how 
they live, -how they fight, love." That's 
what Ragtime is really all about. 
Forman's wor! so obviously a labor 
of love that he seems to have cast a 
charm over everyone associated with 
him. Randy Newman's moody, humor- 
ous musical score and the sumptuous 
period production are matched by a 
whole batch of perfect performances; 
there's no way to single out every one. 
Of course, James Cagney in his come- 
back role as New York's police commis- 
sioner is predictably feisty, plump, well 
aged and engaging. As the proud, lova- 
ble urban terrorist Coalhouse Walker, 
Howard E. Rollins is tremendous, as 
well as a sure bet to become a star over- 
night. The other major revelation is 19- 
year-old Elizabeth McGovern (she played 
the hero's high school sweetheart in Or- 
dinary People) in a deliciously comic 
performance as model-showgirl Evelyn 
Nesbit, who's got a on-girl body and 
mary a brain in her head. James Olson 
and Mary Steenburgen, as Father and 
Mother, plus Brad Dourif as Younger 
Brother, whose unlikely crush on Evelyn 
helps connect the parallel subplots, are 
all excellent, and so is novelist Norman 
Mailer in a brief role as the famous 
gunned-down architect Stanford White. 
As in Doctorows book, many of these 
are real people recycled for fiction. The 


Cagney's back and Ragtime's got him. 


Finger-snapping Ragtime; 
Burt shines in Machine; 
Truffaut does it again. 


Bernie Casey, Burt cogs in Machine. 


Ardant, Depardieu Next Door. 


movie's melodramatic climax at the Mor- 
gen Library is easily interpreted as a 
statement about America's oppression of 
its minorities. That's the dullest literal 
interpretation, however. When they 


make ‘em as good as Ragtime, you can 
throw away the book. ¥¥¥¥ 
E 

Having his third shot as a director 
and simultaneously delivering one of his 
strongest performances since Deliverance, 
Burt Reynolds pushes all the right but- 
tons to make Sharky’s Machine (WB/ Orion) 
an exciting, hard-boiled action drama. 
Filmed with stark bur stylish realism in 
Adanta, where Reynolds feels right at 
home, the movie based on William 
Diehl's novel (screenplay by Gerald Di- 
Pego) combines bloody violence—maybe 
a bit more than necessary toward the 
end—with some moody romantic byplay 
that suggests we've been summoned to 
see Mike Hammer meet Laura. It's the 
story of a softcentered tough guy who 
has a whore under surveillance and falls 
half in love with her, then watches help- 
lessly when a hit man comes to blow her 
away. Burt's title role has him staked 
out in a high-rise, where he's supposed 
to monitor trafic directly across the 
street in the luxurious apartment where 
a spectacular callgirl codenamed Domi- 
noe entertains her clients. Among them 
are an important political candidate 
(Earl Holliman) and a ruthless crime 
czar (Vittorio Gassman), who seems to 
have the town, including most of the 
police department, in his pocket. 

Burt is always smart about surround- 
ing himself with heavyweight talent. 
Here—besides Gassman, Brian Keith, 
et al.—he has a sensational, husky-voiced 
bundle from Britain named Rachel 
Ward, a former model who plays Domi- 
noe to win and has already been signed 
for an upcoming movie with Steve 
Martin. Sharky's Machine is hard-edged, 
not for the squeamish: Witness a har- 
rowing sequence where Sharky slaughters 
a team of Oriental thugs who have just 
coolly severed two of his fingers. Sweat 
through that, then Reynolds and Rachel 
make the rest worth while. ¥¥¥ 


. 

1t all begins quietly, in French, in an 
alpine French village. A young hap- 
pily married couple with a child notes 
that the house across the lane has been 
rented to newlyweds. We don't learn 
immediately that the contented husband 
and father, Bernard (Gerard Depardieu), 
and the settling-in bride, Mathilde (Fan- 
ny Ardant), are former lovers who have 
not seen each other in the seven or eight 
years since their affair ended. Soon, 
though, Francois Truffaut's The Woman 
Next Door (UA Classics) begins to tick 
away like a time bomb. The couple re- 
sumes clandestine meetings at a hotel in 
a nearby town, but their fever charts are 
out of sync, When Mathilde is cool and 
wants to quit the risky relationship, 


IT WAS AGREAT GAME, BUT 
IT'S GOOD TO ЕЕ НОМЕ. 


э ACID NDIGEST 
UADACHE o BODY ACHES 
РЕТТІ 


Right now you аге wishing you didn't relief-laden tablets, you smile through 
eat so many hot dogs and drink that last your discomfort. 
can of beer. But you're home now. You know that for upset 


And right there, 
between the cotton balls 
and the bandages, you 
find your Alka-Seltzer® 

As you listen to the No wonder it's 
familiar fizz of those America's Home Remedy. 


ALKA-SELTZER. AMERICAS HOME REMEDY. 


Read and follow label directions. ©1981 Miles Laboratones. Inc. "иш ШЫР 


stomach with headache, 
nothing works better, 
nothing is more soothing 
than Alka-Seltzer. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
» That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health 


PLAYBOY 


32 


Bernard goes momentarily berserk. When 
he simmers down, ready to face reality, 
she freaks out. In the hands of most 
directors, Woman Next Door would be 
an absolutely commonplace tale about 
a crime of passion, the kind of tacky 
domestic tragedy that might grab head- 
lines in a cheap tabloid newspaper for 
a day or two at most. In the hands о! 
Truffaut, the same story seems classically 
graceful and low-key, an almost Victo- 
rian essay on amour. He uses a dispas- 
sionate narrator (Veronique Silver) from 
the local country club to set the tone, 
then balances Depardieu's contemporary 
bullishness against Ardant’s somewhat 
horsy sensuality to bring off this small, 
typically Gallic triumph of good taste 
over morbid trivia. ¥¥¥ 
+ 

Somebody must have convinced Ellen 
Burstyn, one of the best actresses around. 
that Silence of the North (Universal) would 
be a splendid vehicle for her. The true 
story of a woman. And a real woman, 
who says, “My husband was a roamer 
and a dreamer, so I roamed with him 
and shared his dreams." Up and away 
into the subarctic wilderness of northern 
Alberta half a century ago. This lady 
proves herself the kind of pioneer who 
keeps a man’s world warm, by God. Al- 
ways smiling, nearly always, even though 
she's pregnant again, there's nothing to 
eat, the dogs are dead, she's surrounded 
by hungry bears and marauding maniacs 
or the cabin's on fire with the tempera- 
ture down to 40 below. Oh, my, there's 
been nothing to beat this since the Gish 
sisters in Orphans of the Storm. Tom 
Skerritt, as the ne'er-do-well husband, 
and Gordon Pinsent, as a sort of back- 
up suitor who's there when needed, are 
both excellent. I blame director Allan 
Winton King for letting Burstyn seem 
such a noble simp whilst she suffers 
nonstop calamities that would make the 
trials of Job sound like a weekend at 
the Waldorf. ¥ 


. 

There's beguiling lunacy in Time Bandits 
(Avco Embassy), traceable for sure to 
producer-director Terry Gilliam and his 
co-author, Michael Palin. Both are 
Monty Python regulars (maybe irregu- 
lars would be more accurate), and their 
weird little sf comedy plays like a 
Disney movie gone decadent with a 
dandy cast—Sean Connery as King Aga- 
memnon back in ancient Greece, John 
Cleese as Robin Hood, Ralph Rich- 
ardson as Supreme Being, David War- 
ner as Evil Genius, Shelley Duvall 
as Pansy. The hero is an English kid 
next door named Kevin (Craig War- 
nock), who tags along with six loath- 
some little dwarfs as they rampage 
through history, looting and pillaging, 
then escape into an earlier century where 
their crimes are not yet on the books. 


Burstyn, Skerritt up North. 


Burstyn shoulda stayed 
at home, but the Python 
gang has a high old time. 


Palin, Duvall in Time Bandits. 


Seems they've stolen a map from God 
(called Supreme Being “to avoid libel 
suits," according to Gilliam) that indi- 
cates all the holes in time and space. 
Proceed with caution if you're not al 
ready a Python freak. Among my favor- 
ite bits was Cleese's Rol Hood (“Have 
you met the poor? Charming peopl 
All very Britishy, from the let'sthrow- 
everything-into-the-hopper-because-some- 
oitsbound-to-work school of comedy. 
The special effects are more clever than 
spectacular. Maybe Lm fecling that I 
shouldn't have enjoyed Time Bandits 
quite as much as I did, but to hell 
with that—its freshness outweighs its 
flaws. YY 


. 

Our 1981 Playmate of the Year, Terri 
Welles, lookin’ good as a beautiful girl 
who wants plastic surgery to make her 
beauty flawless, adorns the eerie open- 
ing sequence of Looker (WB/The Ladd 
Со.), by writer-director Michael Crich- 
ton, Shortly after, Playmate Jeana Toma- 
sino shows up as one of the gorgeous 


models doing TV commercials, consult- 
ing Albert Finney—as “the best plastic 
surgeon in Beverly Hills"—and then be- 
ing bumped off. The reasons why really 
don't hold up, after a while. Looker 
looks like a wan recap of Crichton's 
Coma, a much better work. Finney, 
his talents wasted, runs around a lot 
with Susan Dey, trying to figure out 
what the devil's going on. It's all so con- 
trived and dumb that you don't much 
give a damn by the time they tell you. Y 
. 

Some private eyes meet some incred- 
ibly pretty faces in writer-director Peter 
Bogdanovich's They All Laughed (PSO/ 
Moon Pictures), a romantic comedy 
that’s practically all charm and gossamer. 
There's almost nothing to it, but what 
there is is choice, with Ben Gazzara and 
Audrey Hepburn heading a company of 
actors to which the late Dorothy Stratten 
brings a radiant presence along with the 
inevitable, rueful reminder that she was 
not just another gorgeous blonde. Here 
was a winsome, vulnerable dream girl 
who obviously had a big future until 
tragedy cut her career short, They All 
Laughed also has model Patti Hansen as 
a flaky cabby, Colleen Camp as a coun- 
try singer and John Ritter as ап in- 
vestigator assigned to trail Dorothy—and 
risking love at first sight. Ballads sung by 
Camp are mixed with Sinatra standards 
on the sound track to give Laughed some 
of the warm, urban ambience of Woody 
Allen's Manhattan. It's a game of change- 
partners, a latter-day La Ronde mounted 
like a crisp, rhythmic travelog full of 
beautiful women, eager men and post- 
card views of Gotham in love. YY 

. 

Polish director Andrzej Wajda's Man 
of Iron (UA Classics) is less a sequel than 
a companion piece to hús earlier Man of 
Marble, both made during the early labor 
strikes in Poland. No drama with more 
immediacy could be torn from the head- 
lines; this one is so plugged їп to today's 
events that Solidarity leader Lech Walesa 
(this month's Interview subject) appears 
as himself and as best man at the hero's 


wedding. There's a lot of docudrama- 
style footage during the first part of 
Man of Iron's nearly two-and-a-hal£hour 
running time. Га begun to think it was 


the evening news until the rebel worker 
Tomayk (Jerzy Radziwilowicz) encoun- 
ters the documentary film maker (Krys- 
tyna Janda) who loses her job, marries 
him and winds up in prison on his 
account, Through these two, fact and 
fiction fuse unforgettably, especially in 
the performance by Janda—a gaunt, un- 
conventionally beautiful blonde whose 
emotions are quicksilver, so close to the 
surface I could not take my eyes off her. 
She must be the Garbo of Warsaw, and 
what she does would win her an Oscar 
here. ¥¥¥—REVIFWS BY BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


MOVIE SCORE CARD 


capsule close-ups of current films 
by bruce williamson 


Absence of Масе Sally Field is bad 
news for Paul Newman yya 
All the Morbles Two lively wrestling 
ladies on tour with Peter Falk. УУм 
Beau Pere Incest in a spirit of fun 
à la francaise. УУУ 
Chanel Solitaire Stylish French soap 
opera with Mar rance Pisier as 
that kımous designing woman. Ууз 
Chariots of Fire Great movie about 
Great Britain's runners in the Olym- 
pic games in Paris, 1924 УУУУ 
The Disappearance Sccond-string sus- 
pense drama with Sutherland. ¥¥ 
Gallipoli An intimate sort of war | 
epic from Aussies’ Peter Weir. УУУ 
Looker (Reviewed this month) Al 
bert Finney as a plastic surgeon los- 
ing lots of beautiful. patients Y 
Mon of rn (Reviewed this 
month) The Polish crisis docu 
dramatized. УУУ 
On Golden Pond Two Fondas and the 
oncand-only Katharine Hepburn in | 
а tearjerker that just won't stop. Ууз 
Priest of tove Bookish but brilliantly 
acted bio of D. Н. Lawrence and his 
women, with Ian. McKellen. Ууу 
е of the City Sidney Lumet’s saga 
bout New York's finest, with Treat 
Williams as а corrupt cop. YY 
The Pursuit of D. В. Cooper Treat on 
the other side of the Jaw. sort of, hi- 
jacking a plane for profit yyy 
Quartet Ма, Smith, Alan Bates 
and Isabelle Adjani painting Paris 
back in 1927. уум 
Ragtime (Reviewed this month) E. L. 
Doctorow’s novel done to а turn by 
director Milos Forman. Go. УУУУ 
Shorky's Machine (Reviewed this 
month) Burt's best in а while, with 
watchable Rachel Ward. УУУ 
Silence of the North (Revicwed this 
month) Burstyn badly used. Y 
Southern Comfort Some summer sol- 
diers playing war games in the 
bayous, with Keith Carradine, Powers 
Boothe. Ууу 
They All Laughed (Reviewed this 
month) To Dorothy with Jove in 
N.Y.C. yy 
Ticket to Heaven Deprogramming an 
apparently Moon-struck youth, Yyy 
Time Bandits (Reviewed 0 month) 
5-1 concocted by Python men. Ууз 
Whose life Is It Anywoy? The stage 
play about a paralyzed man who'd 
rather die; fine work by Richard 
Dreyfuss. WE 
The Woman Next Door (Reviewed this 
month) Nice Truffaut trifle. УУУ 


УУУУ Don't miss YY Worth a look 
УУУ Good show Y Forget it 


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34 


WINGING: The Toshiko Akiyoshi / Lew 
Tabackin Big Band is a wonderful im- 
bility. It combines a Japanese 
[composer who was born in Man- 
a virtuoso tenor-saxophone/flute 
player from Philadelphia—who is also 
the composer's husband—and jazz 
fused with traditional Japanese folk 
music. An unusual chemistry that somc- 
how comes together in the most critically 
acclaimed and exciting band to hit the 
scene since Sun Ra discovered space 
travel. Up to now, the band has existed 
to perform the music of Akiyoshi, who is 
its conductor. 

“The band is her vehicle,” said 
Tabackin. "It's my responsibility as the 
tured soloist to try to express what 
she has written and to add whatever I 
have to offer." Perhaps that isn't such а 
bad way to operate a marriage. 

Now, after ten recordings of her own 
music, Akiyoshi has turned the tables. 
For the first time, on Tanukis Night 
Out (JAM), the band plays Akiyoshi's 
arrangements of Tabackin's composi- 
tions. The album is a sweet abstraction. 
of a sexy old Japanese legend. 

“It's a gesture of my appreciation to 
Lew for putting up with me for all these 
years,” his wife confessed. “He encour- 
aged те, and that was how the band 
was formed.” She paused. "I think he 
writes happier tunes. He doesn't have a 
nervous, neurotic side like I have,” she 
giggled. 

“We didn’t really expect the band to 
evolve into what we're doing right now,” 
continued Akiyoshi, whose relaxed, good 


humor hints neither at her “neurotic 
nor at the power and intricacy of 


and began nearly a decade ago as 
a weekly jam in a Los Angeles musicians’ 
ion rchearsal hall rented for 50 cents. 
yers donated their services. Slow- 
iyoshi and Tabackin put together 
concert and an album deal to пу 
to make some money for the musicians. 
first album, Kogun, beca 
Japan and later in the U. 
then, they've been as successful as a big 
band can be—awards, record dates, 
tours—but survival is tricky for a 
band. It’s expensive to keep it going. 
Symphony orchestras have patrons and 
matching grants; jazz bands don't. Con- 
sequently, there aren't many outward 
signs of succes 

But it's an institution. “We've been 
rehearsing Wednesday mornings at the 
' union since 1973," said 
And whenever they play, 
they're ready. — HERB NOLAN 


REVIEWS 


Marianne Faithfull's comeback album, 
Broken English, was all about rage. Her 
latest, Dangerous Acquaintances (Island), is 
about grief and loss. It's one hell of a 
record. The lyrics are strong and her 
voice is bluesy—and human again. You 
can also dance to it. Really. You don't 
have to be hip to Marianne's past Roll- 
ing Stones connection to get into these 
songs, but it helps. The best example of 
that is Intrigue. The tune has a distinct 
touch of You Can't Always Get What 


You Want and the sentiments she ex- 
presses sound to us like an answer to 
one of Jagger's best ballads, Wild 
Horses. Other cuts that deserve special 
notice include For Beautie's Sake, writ- 
ten with Steve Winwood, Easy in the 
City and Truth Bitter Truth, which be- 
gins, “Where did it go to, my youth/ 
Where did it slip away to?" We're pretty 
sure that when Faithfull figures it out, 
her audience will be the first to know. 
Buy this one. 
. 
It's not that I've exactly calmed 
down my songwriting—I've just tried to 
write more about general subjects like 
sex and drugs.” That's how the Who's 
premier bassist, John Entwhistle, de- 
scribes his latest solo project. Teo Late the 
Hero (Atco). Of course, this is a man 
who's had the chance to observe high- 
level rock-"n'roll high-jinks from an in- 
timate vantage point. Now that he's let 
that side ol his experience emerge, the 
results are sometimes startling. Talk 
Dirty, for instance, deals with a subject 
that, Entwhistle says with a chuckle, 
“comes up in everybody's life—when a 
girl would rather talk about politics and 
religion than sex and getting down to it 
in the here and now.” Elsewhere, the 
album covers an assortment of main- 
stream rock styles and subjects to great 
effect. Backup by the Eagles’ Joe Walsh, 
on guitar, and by drummer Joe Vitale 
makes for creative and energetic cuts. 
. 

When Carly Simon sings about being 
unlucky in love, a lot of people listen. 
So it seems natural that she try her hand 
at an entire album devoted to torch 
songs, titled, appropriately, Torch (W; 
ner Bros.). The music owes its style and 
substance more to Forties and Fifties 

azz than to rock, and Simon comes 
across as a powerful chanteuse whose 
emotional fect are firmly planted in 
the Eighties. Her bigmouthed, clean 
voice can wrap itself equally well around 
songs by Hoagy Carmichael, Rodgers 
and Hart or Stephen Sondheim. She 
so good at this style that she may acquire 
a whole new following that has had lit- 
tle use for her previous albums, And 
Torch also suggests that Simon is such 
an accomplished vocalist that she can do 
pretty much what she wants to and pull 
it off every time. 


. 

Delbert McClinton, the great Tex 
born blues/country/R&B singer, called 
us not long ago from Birmingham, Ala 


bama, where he and his band were 
smack-dab in the middle of a little 
warm-up tour prior to the release of 


their new album. " McClin- 
ton confided, “were playing all the 


CANADA AT ITS BEST 


Light. Smooth. Imported Canadian Mist? 
The whisky that's becoming America's favorite Canadian. 


IMPORTED BY B-F SPIRITS LTO., N.Y., NY, CANADIAN WHISKY—A BLEND, 80 PROOF, © 1979. 


Photographed at Lake Beauven, Jasper, Canada 


A CAR FOR THE LEFT SIDE 
OF YOUR BRAIN. 


The left side of your 
brain, recent investigations 
tell us, is the logical side. 

It figures out that 
1+1=2. And, in a few cases, 
that E = mc} 

On a more mundane level, 
it chooses the socks you 
"wear, the cereal you eat, and 
the caryou drive. All by means 
of rigorous Aristotelian logic. 

However, and a big 
however it is, for real satis- 
faction, you must achieve 
harmony with the other side 
of your brain. 

The right side, the poetic 
side, that says, "Yeah, Car X 
has a reputation for lasting a 
long time but it's so dull, 
who'd want to drive it that 
long anyway?" 


The Saab Turbo looked at 
from all sides. 


To the left side of your 
brain, Saab turbocharging is 
a technological feat that 
retains good gas mileage 
while also increasing 
performance. 

To the right side of your 
brain, Saab turbocharging is 
what makes a Saab go like a 
bat out of hell. 

The left side sees the 
safety in high performance. 
(Passing on a two-lane high- 
way. Entering a freeway in 
the midst of high-speed 
traffic.) 

The right side lives only 
for the thrills. 


The left side considers 
that Road & Track magazine 
just named Saab “The Sports 
Sedan for the Eighties" By 
unanimous choice of its 
editors. 

The right side eschews 
informed endorsements by 
editors who have spent a life- 
time comparing cars. The 
right side doesn't know much 
about cars, but knows what it 
likes. 


The left side scans this 
chart. 
Wheelbase 99.1 inches 
Length. - 7.6 inches 
Width 66.5 inches 
Height 55.9 inches 
Fuel-tank capacity. ...... 16.6 gallons 
EPA City. . 19 mpg* 
EPA Highway 31 mpg’ 
The right side looks at 
he picture on the opposite 
page. 


The left side compares a 
Saab's comfort with that of a 
Mercedes. Its performance 
with that of a BMW. Its brak- 
ing with that ofan Audi. 

The right side looks at 
the picture. 

The left side looks ahead 
to the winter when a Saab’s 
front-wheel drive will keep a 
Saab in front of traffic. 

The right side looks at 
the picture. 

The left side also consid- 
ers the other seasons of the 
year when a Saab's front- 
wheel drive gives it the cor- 
nering ability of a sports car. 

The right side looks again 
at the picture. 


Getting what you need vs. 
getting what you want. 


Needs are boring; desires 
are what make life worth 
living. 

The left side of your brain 
is your mother telling you 
that a Saab is good for you. 
“Eat your vegetables.” (In 
today’s world, you need a car 
engineered like a Saab.) “Put 
on your raincoat.” (The Saab 
is economical. Look at the 
price-value relationship. ) 
“Do your homework.” (The 
passive safety of the con- 
struction. The active safety 


of the handling. ) 
1982 SAAB PRICE** LIST 
900 3-Door 5-Speed $10.400 
Automatic 10,750 
900 4-Door 5-Speed $10,700 
Automatic 11,050 
9008 3-Door 5-5реєй $12.100 
Automatic 12,450 
9008 4-Door S-Speed 312,700 
Automatic 13.050 
900 Тито 3-Door — 5-Speed $15,600 
Automatic 15,950 
900 Turbo 4-Door — 5-Speed $16,260 
Automatic 16,610 
All turbo models include а Sony XR7), 
4-Speaker Stereo Sound System as standard 
The stereo сап be, of course, 
perfectly balanced: left and right. 


The right side of your 
brain guides your foot to the 
clutch, your hand to the 
gears, and listens for the 
“7zzooommm.” 

Together, they see the 
1982 Saab Turbo as the 
responsible car the times 
demand you get. And the 
performance car you've al- 
ways, deep down, wanted 
with half your mind. 


«Saab 900 Turbo. Remember, use estimated mpg for comparison only. Mileage varies with speed, trip length. and weather, Actual highway mileage will 
probably be less. * Manufacturers suggested retail price, Not including taxes, license, freight, dealer charges or options desired by either side of your brain. 


ФЕ. 
e T8 


_ACAR FOR THE RIGHT SIDE 
OF YOUR BRAIN. | 


The most intelligent car ever built. 


PLAYBOY 


38 


friendly towns and colleges that just 
love to see us coming.” It turns out that 
Plain’ from the Heart (Capitol /MSS) is rea- 
son enough to love the band. It's a star- 
tling mixture of new McClinton songs 
and impassioned versions of classics, 
cluding Otis Redding's I've Got Dreams 
("There's always a place for an Otis 
tune.” said McClinton), a couple of 
tunes written by the soulful Scottish 
rocker Frankie Miller (“That guy's a 
inging. songwriting son of a bitch”) and 
a kick-ass rendition of the Wilson 
kett burner Midnight Hour. McGlin- 
ton told us his criterion for success: 
“The main deal is to do this kind of 
music because you feel it—then, when 
it's good, there ain't nothing l it.” 


ev 


e 


ci 
And that’s how it works on this record. 
. 

Handel's Water Music is such a staple 
in everyone's classical background that 
"s hard to make an unpalatable rendi. 
tion. Popular since its very first perform- 
ance in front of King George I—who 
ordered it played three more times 
that evening—Water Music's very pop- 
ularity often keeps the piece from sound- 
ing fresh; however, Gerard Schwarz and 
s very good Los Angeles Chamber 
Orchestra do just that on The Water Music 
(Complete) of George Frederic Handel (Delos). 
In this digital recording (by Sound- 


stream, Inc). Schwarz makes his small 
orchestra produce the work with an 
enormous sonic clarity. Horns and 


strings come through with equal presence 
while maintaining their delicate textural 
differences. The recording itself is also а 
ringing endorsement of the digital meth- 
od; the production is bright and full 
without being “cold.” Schwarz and the 
L.A. Chamber Orchestra may become 
America’s answer to Neville Marriner, 
Christopher Hogwood and their cham- 
ber orchestras in England. As consumers, 
we cin only hope that they continue to 
try to outdo one another. 


. SHORT CUTS 


Tim Weisberg / Travelin! Light (MCA): 
He's not kidding. A major new contri- 


bution to elevator music—Flutezak. 
ed Gold): 


heat 


Barry White / Beware! (Unli 
Mr. Love Orchestra remains in 
with str An apr 
bar groove. 

Ultravox / Rage in Eden (Chry 
dose of devo Moody Blues. Maybe we 
are slipping backward. 

Michael Schenker Group / MSG (Chrysalis): 
Don't they know that stuff softens 
things—like brains? This is definitely 
devolved Led Zeppelin. 
jumph / Allied Forces (RCA): A Cana- 
dian power trio? Isn't that devo by defi- 
nition? 

Devo / New Traditionalists (Warner Bros): 
And here's the real stuff from the orig- 
inals. Tender tunes for making love to 
that sexy Space Invaders game or the 
willing Xerox machine of your choice. 


FAST TRACKS 
L 


GETTING DOWN WITH MEL: Watch out, Kurtis Blow, Mel Brooks is coming to get ya! 


Mel Brooks? You got i 


His new single, It's Good to Be the King of Rap, is being 


released at the same time as his movie History of the World—Part | opens in 
Europe. It occurred to a smart record producer that the original rapper was 
Brooks's famous 2000-Year-Old Man. The catch is, that same smart guy didn't 
think we Americans were ready for the Jewish answer lo The Sugar Hill Gang. 
So they're not releasing Mel's rap to us here in America. And that's not cool, fool. 


FEELING AND ROCKING: Dave Clark, as 
n the Dave Clark Five, has written. 
a science-fiction movie called Time, 
which he hopes to produce in the 
U. Clark has already interested 
John Travolta in playing a ра... 
set to appear in a film 
Of Gore Vidal's novel Kalki (you read 
it in PLAvmov in 1978). . . . Steve 
Leber and David Krebs, who produced 
Beatlemania on Broadway, are talk- 
ing to tennis ace John McEnroe about 
playing the lead in a movie version 
of the comic strip Archie. Bringing 
back the Filties one more time. 
RANDOM RUMORS: Even if it’s not 
we love it: Princess Di has report- 
edly bought a Sony Walkman to 
block out the shotgun blasts from 
Prince. s's hunting forays. 
listening to ABBA, we hc. 
that the. Republica 


ia d 
n Presiden- 
ent, 
Furry Lewis, after his death, 
received a letter asking him for a con- 
tribution. It read, "What shall I tell 
our President, because he’s personally 
asked me to find out why you're hold- 
ing bad gned, Bob Packwood. 
Dear Bob, only God knows. 
NEWSBREAKS: Stevie Nicks is planning 
her future to include ап autobio- 
graphical novel and transforming the 
Fleetwood Mac hit song Rhiannon into 
ballet. She says, “I don't want to 
have to try and stay 18 forever." . . - 
Peter Allen plans to take a starring 
role in the PBS presentation of The 
Pirates of Penzance and to do anoth- 
er one-man show in New York's Ra- 
dio City Music Hall. . - . London's 
Victor and Albert Museum has 
paid $2000 for Sex Pistols posters and 
promo material. The museum says, 
Pop music is as impo 


and ballet.” . . . Sotheby’ 


nt as op 
London 


is planning to auction off the fol 
lowing: John Lennon's Steinway and 
one of his old blackteather jackets 
onc of Elvis’ old watches and Buddy 
Holly and Jimi Hendrix mementos. . . . 
Pavilion Books has recently pub- 
lished Paul McCartney, Composer | 
Artist, his first book of drawings. 
Todd Rundgren has become the f 
rock star to develop a mass-marketed 
computer system called The (Лора 
Tablet System, and it's being sold by 
Apple Computers. . . . We Get Lel- 
ters Department: То accompany а 
promo copy of Rhino Records’ Mali- 
booz Rule! by The Maliboox, came this 
note: "Aside from the obvious 
hooks—Walter Egen on guitar, Lindsey 
Buckingham and Dean Torrence on v 
cals—there is also something resem- 
bling a Playboy Rabbit Head painted 
оп the cover shot.” The promo guy 
calls it the first surf revivalist vocal 
band. And to think we thought it 
was only rock "n' roll. - . . The world 
is not ready for this one: Allen Gins- 
berg, the poet, is making a double 
album of his poetry set to music 
Ginsberg has appeared live with The 
Clash (that's not a typo, folks) and says 
ock is easy. "just like singing in the 
bathtub.” Roll over, Chuck Berry. . . 

Under Pressure. the song composed 
and produced by Queen and David 
Bowie, is included in the U. S. and C 
nadian versions of Queen: Greatest 
Hits. Bowie's only previous recording 
with another artist was with John Len- 
non on Fame in 1975. Queen has never 
worked with anyone else before. . - - 
Kenny Loggins has finished his first TV 
special for CBS. Stay tuned for an 
air date. . . . Speaking of John Lennon, 
Albert Goldman, Elvis’ biographer, plans 
to do a more respectful book about 
him. — BARBARA NELLIS 


Kings, 1 ma. “tar”, 0.2 mg. nicotine 
av. per cigarette by FTC method. 
Gis BEWTCo 


` The pleasure back. 


BARCLAY 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
MG TAR 


That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous toYour Health. E A 


40 


TELEVISION 


mong the major events of the new 
year in television will be Brideshead 
а meticulous adaptation by John 
ugh’s 1945 novel, 


already a huge success at home in Eng- 


land. Beginning January 18 as part of 
the PBS t Performances” showcase, 
Brideshead is a sumptuous 11-week epic, 
almost a page-by-page playback of 
Waugh's book about an aristocratic 
Catholic family over a time span of two 
decades. Jeremy Irons (the brilliant ac- 
tor who nearly stole The French Lieu- 
tenant's Woman from Meryl Streep) plays 
Charles Ryder, who first visits Brides- 
head at the invitation of his wayward 
Oxford school chum, Sebastian (Anthony 
Andrews). "The acting throughout is 
English classic: Laurence Olivier and 
Claire Bloom as Lord and Lady March- 
main. Seh "s estr 

Diana Quick as his 
Gielgud as Charles's 
of the driest deadpan comic bits between 
father and son I have ever witnessed). 
It's all quite civilized and literary. aimed 
at the highest brows, but scintillatingly 
wicked 


. 
Even when prestigious TV drama isn't 
made in Britain, there seems to be an 
English complexion to the enterprise. Of 
ABC Television's first big trio of filmed 
specials for 1982, the initial offering 
Bernard Pome rd-winning 
play The Elephant Men, co-starring Philip 
Anglim and Kevin Conway from the 
original Broadway cast. И you miss it, 
watch for the reruns. This is the moving. 
imaginative version in which Anglim. as 
England's John Merrick, acts his repul- 
sive deformity without special make-up. 
a theatrical trick that takes getting used 
to but works surprisingly well on TV. 
Superior in every way to the 1980 film 
with John Hurt 
Subsequent ABC presentations, due 
carly this ycar though still not time-and- 
date listed as we go to press, include 
Somerset Maugham's The Letter, starring 
Lee Remick, and The Victims, with Kate 
Nelligan, both from Warner Bros. Why 
anyone would remake the Maugham 
tale, a 1910 Beue Davis classic directed 
by William Wyler. is a mystery to me 
What's new this time around is that the 
script. altered to su "s freer moral 
climate, makes the heroine about as 
likable as a tarantula, а murderous, 
conniving bitch with few redeeming 
qualities—and there's no hedging, either, 
about the casual, inbred racism of Brit- 
ish colonists in Malay 1939. 
Though always a good actress, Remick 
is a little foolhardy to take on this 
particular golden oldy. The strong 
Maugham story helps her a lot, but com- 


wa nce's awa 


toda 


a circa 


is 


Andrews, Olivier, Irons at Brideshead. 


Coming up on the tube: 
PBS' Brideshead Revisited, 
three big ones from ABC. 


Aird, Mills in Flame Trees. 


pared with Davis’ extra-special delivery 
of The Letter, Remick's reasonable fac- 
simile looks like regular mail. 
ABC's The Victims, another effort to 
matize the trauma of rape, brought 
gland's Nelligan (excellent opposite 
Donald Sutherland in the suspense film 
Eye of the Needle) to play a role that 
doesn't strike me as making her trip 
worth while. This woman knows her 
assailant and joins forces with other fe- 
male victims to trap him because the law 
ems to favor the criminal (played by 
Howard Hesseman of ИКАР in Cincin 
nati). Ken Howard plays Kate's boy- 
friend, who loses patience with her. So 
did 1, and Victims winds up rather mud 
dled, an apparent warning to violated 
women that they'd better think twice 
before exacting vigilante justice: 
Masterpiece Thealre's seven-part spe- 
ial, The Ноте Trees of Thiko, runs Irom 
carly January through mid-February in 
the usual Sunday-r-w. time slot (check 
local listings for repeat telecasts). British 
colonials raising coffee in Kenya belore 
World War One are the subject of 
Elspeth Huxley's memoir adapted for TV 
by John Hawkesworth (already known 
for Upstairs, Downstairs and The Duch- 
ess of Duke Street). It's interesting to 
see former child star Hayley Mills, now 
a warmly attractive woman of 35 or so— 
ye gods—playing Mom to a child actress 
(Holly Aird) who does precisely the sort 
of thing little Miss Mills used to do. 
Although it sometimes smacks of Disney 
ish blandness, with natives right out of 
National Geographic laying оп local 
color against breath-taking African land- 
scapes, this child's garden of animal 
lore has witch doctors, and worse, in the 
wings. There's even a bit of illicit lust 
and extramarital passion under the trop. 
ic sun when Ben Cross (charismatic star 
of the film Chariots of Fire) shows up 
as a great white hunter-horse trader 
doggedly wooing a planter's capricious 
young wife. Flame Trees is mild-man 
nered but exotic throughout—well- 
schooled English reticence at war with 
untamed nature, 


зе 


. 

PBS’ new American Playhouse series, 
airing from January 12 through June. is 
an ambitious potpourri of Americana, 
with presentations varying in length 
from one to two hours. The promising 
opener is an original John Cheever tele 
play, The Shady Hill Kidnapping, with George 
Grirzard starred. Satirizing TV itself. as 
well as the soap-opera nothingness of life 
in suburbia, which is Cheever country, 
Shady Hill concerns a stray tyke whose 
family thinks he’s kidnaped, a mini 
tragedy that scarcely seems more inpoi 
tant than shopping for bargains at the 


(A public service of the Liquor Industry and this Publication.) 


5 
Уй 


e 
your whistle 


but dont 
drown ЇЇ. 


Dor't drink too much of a good thing. 
The Distilled Spirits Council of the United States. 


1300 Pennsylvania Building, Washington, D.C. 20004 


PLAYBOY 


42 


mall. The crisis is interrupted regularly 
by bogus TV commercials —these written 
by Cheever, too—with Celeste Holm 
peddling Elixircol “the true juice of 
youth,” a costly substance that she be- 
lieves has caused cancer in lab animals. 
Its hitor-miss comedy but m be a 
sign of bener things to come. After King 
of America, а Greek immigrant story, and 
Seguin, an epic about a 19th Century 
‘Texas patriot who became of San 
Antonio and was later ostracized by his 
fellow Texans. American Playhouse 
plunges into February with a trio of 
comedies: Kurt Vonnegut, Jr's Who Am 
ndon and 
Christopher Walken, wed by Ray 
Bradbury's Any Friend of Nicholas Nickleby 
ls o Friend of Mine, directed by Ralph 
Rosenbloom, formerly Woody Allen's 
film editor. Next is Come Along with Me, 
a bit precious, from unfinished 
Shirley Jackson novel, co-tdapted by 
anne Woodward, who also makes her 
1 саш with а cast headed by 
Estelle P rbara Baxley and 
Sylvia Sidney. The end of February and 
the start of March bring two Broadway 
adaptations to TV: For Colored Girls Who 
Have Considered Suicide/When the Rainbow Is 
Enf and the musical based on Studs 
Terkel's best seller, Working. Also sched- 
uled is a fairzto-middling two-hour pres- 
entation, Carl Sandburg—Echoes and Silences, 
with John Cullum. The fare looks rich, 
ied and—for indigenous. 


25, Public Broad- 
J l-weel 


Beginning January 
casting inaugurate: 
ide" for pui 
lovers who need more to sust 
them than TV dramatirations of Great 
Books. Bernstein/Beethoven will offer Leoi 
ard Bernstein conducting the Vienna 
Philhan nd Amsterdam's Concer 
gebouw Orchestra in all nine Beethoven 
symphonies, along with the Missa So- 
lemnis amd other works. If you don't 
Iready love Beethoven (and I am ап 
cager but untutorcd ear in the world of 
classical music), you will by the time 
Bernstein is through with you. While he 
calls himsell "a compulsive teacher," 
he is refreshingly [ree of pedantry, not- 
ing that "it would not be disastrous if. 
you missed one or two programs." When 
Be s not wielding his baton or 
imparting insights, Maximilian Schell 
fills the gaps with Beethoven biographi- 
cal notes and anecdotes. 

Another of those globe-trotting educa- 
tional epics offered by PBS, Ше on Earth 
has writer-narrator David Attenborough 
(actor Richard's brother) 13 weekly 
episodes beginning in mid-January. This 


. is painstakingly photogra 
ubitious, a short course 


in evolution abrim with quaint and cu 
about 


“elephant shrews, owl 
star-nosed moles,” to 
but a few. That kind of thing. — —n.w. 


Update: 


DOROTHY STRATTEN 


_ THE LEGEND BEGINS 


Dorothy. 


On August 14, 1980, our rcigning 
Playmate of the Year, Dorothy Str 
a beautiful and talented wom: 
killed by her estranged husband, Paul 
Snider, who then killed himsell. 

The press coverage tense and 
varied, ranging from the obje 
the perversely speculative, We told the 
story, accurately and in detail, in our 
May 1981 issue. We got an ако 
number of expressions of sympathy. 

Others in the media saw in Dorothy's 
story dramatic potential for films and 
books. A lovely actress had been killed 
by a man she could not Jove; it was a 
classical plot with contemporary em- 
bellishment: 


In November of last year, NBC-TV 
d Death of a Centerfold: The Doro- 
the 


thy Siralten Slory. The facts in 
script by Donald Stewart were fam 
Dorothy's teenage life in Уап 
relationship with Snider, her introduc- 
tion to rLaynoy and Hefner, her 
sequent successes and her tragic death 
in a house in West Los Angeles. Jamie 
Lee Curtis made a noble attempt to 
portray Dorothy but did not convey 
the sense of innocence that was at the 
center of her personality. Bruce Weitz, 
of Hill Strect Blues, played—tautly and 
effectively—the htened little man 
who could not make Dorothy love him. 
The supporting cast, including an un- 
derstated Mitchell Ryan as Hel, were 
conscientious but limited. 

Glimpses of Dorothy emerged: her 
kindness, her modesty, her unfaltering 
sense of loyalty. But Curtis could only 
look attractive while Dorothy was stun- 
And, in the confines of soup-opera 
trics, she could not grow from a real 


sub- 


girl to a real woman as Dorothy had. 
There are others ready to take on the 
Dorothy Stratten story. Among them: 
Bob Fosse. His version, to be titled 
Star $O (Snider's license plate), will 
not, he told us. be the sort of “crude 
nd explo: e” eflort that the NBC- 
TV film was. It will be impressionistic 
rather than strictly biographical—an ap- 


proach that he used effectively in his 
autobiog 


Im, All That Jaz 
find Dorothy's whole story fascinat- 
aid. “Everyone scems to know 
s, but cach has a different 
idea of what she was." Working Irom his 
own script. Fosse will start shooting this 
May for a projected 1983 release (by 
"rhe Ladd Company). 

Another director, Peter. Bogdanovich, 
has a special stake in the ongoing fasci- 
nation wit Dorothy. Their relation- 
ship. in the final months of her life, was 
the most productive one she had ever 
experienced—both personally and pro 
fessionally. Bogdanovich directed her in 
her final film. They All Laughed, He 
purchased the movie from the company 
nced it and is distributing it 
himself. Bruce Williamson reports t 
Dorothy's screen. presence is "radiant; 
see his review on page 

Bogdanovich is also at work on a book, 
tentatively titled DRS. 1960-1980, 
about his ationship with Doroth: 
William Morrow plans to publish it in. 
the fall. The proceeds will go to Doro- 


phical 


a legend is taking 
form, onc t will grow. We will con- 
tinue to monitor it—to guard the in- 
tegrity and artistry of the friend we lost. 


Jamie Lee as Dorothy. 


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у COMING ATTRACTIONS >< 


por Gossip: Mackenzie (One Day at a 
I Time) Phillips" much-publicized bout 
with drugs will be dramatized in an 
NBC telemovie now in the development 
stages. Miss Phillips will probably play 
herself. . . . Bo Derek's The Sea Mistress 
(produced by Bo and directed by hubby 
John) has been retitled Pirate Annie 
and put on hold. Next, Bo will top-line 
and produce Adam and Eve (originally 
titled Eve and That Damned Apple). 
Bruce Jay Friedman's script Detroit Abe 
is finally in serious development after 
years of circulating around Hollywood. 
The tale of a college prof who takes 
over a pimp's business and restructures 
it for efficiency, the flick will be directed 
by Michael (Some Kind of Hero) Pressman. 
At presstime, Dan Aykroyd was the prin- 
cipal choice to play the lead. 
United Artists" National Lampoon Goes 
to the Movies (previously discussed in 
this column) may never make it to the 
big screen. The film was shot in near 


Phillips Derek 


record time last spring and set for a 
summer of 1981 release, but a preview 
screening reportedly produced such neg- 
ative audience reaction that UA execs 
have decided to temporarily shelve it. A 
pay-TV release is being considered. 

Mary Tyler Moore is prepping two film 
projects, Prisoners and Finnegan Begin 
Again. The former concerns a housewife 
whose volunteer work leads to an in 
volvement vith a prisoner; the latter is 
about a woman who has an affair with 
an older man. 


. 

NO MICKEY MOUSE OPERATION: Walt Dis- 
ney Productions is once again becoming 
a force to be reckoned with in Holly- 
wood, with several big-budget films in 
production and projects aplenty in de- 
velopment. Now rolling full blast at 
Disney studios is a $15,000,000 adapta- 
tion of Ray Bradbury's Something Wicked 
This Way Comes, a fantasy about a 
traveling carnival that brings horror 
and misery to a small Midwestern town 
in the Thirties. In spite of rising pro- 
duction costs, the Disney folks aren't 
sctimping—currently under construc- 
tion on their back lot is a $3,000,000 
replica of a town—the largest, most 
elaborate Hollywood set since Hello, 


Doli The flick stars Jason Robards, 
Jonathan Pryce and Diane Ladd. Now in 
the development stages at Disney is 


Ladd Robards 


Return to Oz, a film based on several 
of L. Frank Baum's classics. “We have 
owned all of Baum's Oz books except 
The Wizard of Oz for 30 years,” says 
Disney president Ron Miller. “This will 
not be a sequel or a continuation of 
MGM's 1939 film but will draw on 
characters in from other 
a totally new story with an en- 
illerent look." 
б 

ALL ABOUT steve: Since last reporting 
on Steve Martin's film in progress, Dead 
Men Don't Wear Plaid, a bit more de- 
tail has come to light. To wit: Martin, 
whose hair has been dyed dark for the 
role, plays the consummate Forties de- 
tective Rigby Reardon, hired by ingé- 
nue Rachel Ward (she was the Mercury 
Cougar girl in TV commercials) to find 
her missing father, a noted “scientist 
and cheese maker.” Alas, Pop turns up 
dead (in plaid) and Steve proceeds to 
uncover a labyrinthine conspiracy in- 
volving something called the Carlotta 
Lists. The film, I'm told, is shot entirely 
in black and white in the tradition of 
film noir—only slightly askew; Martin 
is meant to appear incongruous against 


situations 


сиз tone of the noir style. More- 
over, the producers have taken great 
pains to give the film an authentic 
rties texture, even ing veteran 
Edith Head to duplicate costumes she 
designed decades ago. Why the mania 
for authenticity Im told Martin ас 
tually appears onscreen with such oldy 
detective players as Humphrey Bogart, 
Alon Ladd and James Cagney and carries 
on conversations with them. Although 


the film makers are keeping mum as to 
how that is being achieved, I'd venture 
а guess that a little creative splicing. 
is going on in the cutting room. 

. 

LOVE TRIANGLE: Billed as “a comic yet 
penetrating look at personal relation- 
ships,” Second Thoughts stars Lucie Arnaz, 
Craig Wasson and Ken Howard (Wasson, 
whose name is not yet readily famil- 
iar, also stars in Ghost Story and Four 
Friends. Hollywood savants have la- 
beled him a “comer”). Arnaz plays a 
gutsy attorney with two men vying for 
her affections—an intense street musi- 
cian (Wasson) whom she is constantly 
bailing out of predicaments and her 


Wasson Arnaz 


lifestyle. Naturally, neither suitor knows 
about the other and the conflict reaches 
a head when Arnaz becomes pregnant. 
A September release is scheduled. 

. 

SHORT His: In George Romero's Creep 
Show (based on the Stephen King novel), 
Leslie Nielsen plays what he terms “an 
electronic cuckold.” Catching his wife 
and her lover flagrante delicto, he se- 
dates, then buries them up to their heads 
on the beach, portable TVs and video 
cameras nearby, so that each can watch 
the other being devoured by voracious 
crabs, Nice guy. But Nielsen gets his— 
the lovers come to get him . . . after the 
crabs have done their work. Yech. . . . 
In spite of all the controversy about her 
career, Suzanne Somers seems to be keeping 
busy. In addition to a TV special and a 
U.S.O. show for the tars aboard the 
U.S.S. Nimitz, she's got a series set to air 
soon on CBS, Penned by ex—All in the 
Family writers and coproduced by Nor- 
man leor, the show is about a flight 
attendant (Somers). Her character, she 
says, is patterned after Dick Clarks wife, 
who is very bright but has what Suzanne 
describes as a “circuitous route to logic"; 
ego she apparently once stated that 
things were quiet around town because 
it was that Jewish holiday Sha Na Na 

— JOHN BLUMENTHAL 


43 


Wrangler Boots. 
Good for being alittle 
bad on Saturday night. 


75 1981, Blue Bell, Inc. 


PLAYBOY’S TRAVEL GUIDE 


By STEPHEN BIRNBAUM 


IT WAS a few minutes after sunrise and 
the two guys looked like the “before” 
half of an ad for a hangover remedy. 
The two young w. h whom they 
were strolling along the Acapulco beach 
clea rly could have used some sleep, too. 
What е do the tennis courts 
open?" one of the revelers shouted, look- 
ng as if the exertion of even a single 
serve might put him into intensive care. 

“You sure you wanna play tennis?" 
asked a concerned beach boy. 

"You betcha," said the unste: 
eler. "We've still got six hours! 

It took only a little research to dis- 
cover that this dawn patrol was from a 
club called the Skylarks, out of Atlanta, 
Georgia, a travel club that had come all 
the way to the west coast of Mexico for 
little more than a long weekend. Asked 
why, most Skylarks said simply, “It was 
just too cheap to resist.” 

Now, American travelers are not nor- 
mally very enthusiastic joiners, and they 
rarely take advantage of the lower prices 
that traveling en masse allows. But one 
notable exception is the travel club, 
which offers a combination of social in- 
centives, extraordinary mobility and de- 
lightfully low prices, that's causing lots 
of folks all over the country to join up. 

The travel clubs to which I'm refer- 
ring actually own their own aircraft. 
Their members, whose social lives and 
vacation plans often revolve around 
their club's itineraries, participate in a 
aried menu of tempting trip 
The clubs were initially a bit of un- 
anticipated fallout from the beginnings 
of the jet age. As the airlines converted 
to jets in the early Sixties, a huge mass 
of propeller planes were left parked on 
backwater airfields, quietly gathering 
dust. In 1964, a group of Washington, 
D.C. businessmen purchased a super- 
fluous, propeller-driven DC-7 from Na- 
tional Airlines and formed the Emerald 
Shillelagh Chowder and Marching Soci- 
ety, the first recorded “country club of 
the " In October 1964, they took off 
on their first airborne jaunt—to Mon- 
tego Bay, Jamaica—a weekend air їтїр 
that cost $57 a seat, round trip. 

The success of the Shillclaghs was 
widely imitated, and between 1965 and 
1967 more than 100 travel clubs were 
formed. The sky seemed to be the limit 
until 1968, when the Federal Aviation 
Administration began requiring the clubs 
to conform to the same maintenance and 
safety strictures as commercial aircraft; 
this caused the vast majority to fold. 

Today, six sizable travel clubs sur- 
vive and prosper—offering members any- 
where from three dozen to 300 i 


dy trav- 


CLUB CLASS 


Interested in saving 
money? Travel with a 
few hundred friends. 


the course of a year. The Skylarks of At- 
lanta, in fact, boast a membership ex- 
ceeding 11,000. 

The clubs communicate often, and 
all recognize the import 
social side of their oper 
Washington Shillelaghs are generally 
considered the most social of the lot, 
though the Detroit Nomads hosted 1200 
members at their annual brunch last 
year. Not all club members reside in the 
city where the dub is based. Cama- 
raderie and travel savings seem to make 
a long drive worth while. 

All of the leading travel clubs offer 
ground packages—hotel rooms, meals, 
transfers and the like—in addition to 
barg: transportation. Staterooms 
on prime cruise ships аге also booked, 
and a dub member may choose the exact 
mix of elements he desires. 

Would these savings offset the club's 
initial membership fee, along with an- 
nual dues, if you were planning to travel 
only once or twice a year? It's a 
tough to create exact comp: 
commercial air fares are in such an un- 
settled state, but here are a few recent 
club offerings from which you can judg 

The Ambassadair club of India: 
offered its members a t to Maui in 
Hawaii for the Thanksgiving holiday. 
The air-fare portion was $419 per per- 
son, round trip, and the best regularly 


scheduled round-trip excursion fare 1 
could find for that holiday week was 
$752.20 to Honolulu. Furthermore, the 
Ambassadair plane was headed for Maui 
nonstop; a conventional commercial pas- 
senger would have had to fly from In- 
dianapolis to Chicago, catch a flight from 
Chicago to Honolulu, and then transfer 
to Hawaiian Airlines or Aloha Airlines 
for the short hop to Maui. 

Hotel rooms at the Maui Interconti- 
nental were available at savings as well. 
All together, a couple traveling with 
Ambassadair p: a total of $1436 for 
the holiday. That same duo traveling 
without club affiliation would have paid 
about $2185 for the same package 

The Shillclaghs headed for St. Kitts 
in the bbean over the long Thanks- 
giving weekend. This particular trip, by 
the way, illustrates the general travel- 
club pattern of frequent and relatively 
short jaunts. For a $310 air fare, Shil- 
lelagh members left Washington at one 
A.M. and arrived in St. Kitts six and a 
half hours later, ready for a full day in 
the sun. A round-trip commercial fight 
not only cosis $586 but would have 
taken 12 hours—Washington to Atlanta 
to San Juan to St. Kitts. 

European wips also are subject to the 
same economic advantages. The round- 
trip air fare for a Skylarks trip to 
Portugal over the New Year holiday was 
$7 с the holiday-period fare 
(when nearly all discounts are blacked 
out) on a commercial carrier was $886. 

All of the main travel clubs requ 
an initial membership fee, ranging from 
the Skylarks $125 for a single to the 
5395 for a family membership in Ports- 
of-Call. Annual dues range from $25 to 
$125. The rule of thumb is that these 
fees can be amortized if you plan to take 
at least two domestic or one intern: 
tional trip each year: any other addition- 
al travel provides some real gravy. 

For more detailed data: 

Shillelagh Air Travel Club, 152 Hill- 
wood Avenue, Falls Church, Virgi 
22046. Telephone 703-241-7595, 

Atlanta Skylarks Air Travel Club, 789 
Oak Street, Hapeville, Georgia 30354. 
Telephone 404-763-8100. 

Ambassadair, Inc, 2410 Executive 
Drive, P.O. Box 41619, Indianapolis, 
Indi: 46241. Telephone 317-247-5141. 

Nomads, Inc., Nomads World Ter- 
minal, 10100 Middle Belt Road, Detroit 
Metropolitan Airport, Detroit, Michigan 
48212, Telephone 313-861-3604. 

Ports-of-Call Travel Club, 2121 Valen- 
tia Street, Denver, Colorado 80220. 
Telephone 303-321-6767. 

Jet Set Travel Club, P.O. Box 80443, 
Seattle, Washington 98108. Telephone 
206-762-6300. 

a 


45 


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THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


Wi you read sex manuals, you get the im- 


things better than others. Are there any 
general guidelines for sexual prefer 
ences?—H. G., Los Angeles, California 
We tend to avoid generalities, but we 
came across an interesting claim in “The 
Book of Sex Lists,” by Albert В. Gerber. 
According to the Association for Re- 


search, Inc, the ten sexual activities 
preferred by heterosexual women (in or- 
der of preference) are: “(1) Gentle cun- 
nilingus (on the clitoris) by a man (much 
emphasis on the gentle); (2) gentle finger 
stimulation of the clitoris (gentle!) by a 
man; (3) sexual intercourse on top of a 
man; (4) sexual intercourse in a variety 
of changing positions; (5) receiving 
cunnilingus (gentle, of course) while 
performing fellatio (sixty-nine); (6) mas- 
saging a man all over; (7) masturbating 
а man; (8) being petted, kissed and 
stimulated manually and orally by two 
men, culminating in intercourse with 
one man while the other fingerstrokes 
alternately gently the clitoris and the 
nipples; (9) masturbation; (10) perform- 
ing simple fellatio.” The hey word, in 
case you missed it, is gentle. We can sce 
board publishing a weekly chart: 
“And #5 with a bullet. . . " For com- 
parison, the list of ten sexual activities 
preferred by heterosexual men, in order 
of preference, are: "(1) Fellatio by a 
woman to orgasm; (2) intercourse with 
a woman in a variety of positions, chang- 
ing from lime to time; (3) nude encoun- 
ders with two women in a variety of 
activities, changing from time to lime; 
(A) petting the breasts of a woman; (5) 
anal intercourse with a woman; (6) per- 
forming cunnilingus while the woman is 
performing fellatio (sixty-nine); (7) per- 
forming sadomasochistic acts (mild, not 
severe) upon a woman; (8) being mas- 
turbated by a woman; (9) performing 
simple cunnilingus; (10) masturbation.” 
Our suggestion: Show this list to your 
lover and find out her particular rank- 
ing, then work your way to the top. 


Fo: 


year now, I've had to wear suits 
to work. I really don't mind the idea 
so much; ast that suits are dull— 
especially since I'm required to stick to 
conservative styles and colors. Any sug- 
gestions for a guy about to disappear 
right into the wallpaper?—L. D., New 
York, New York. 

Gol the blue-suit blues? You're a 
member of a very large club. But it's 
nol an insurmountable problem. Re- 
member, you have a few options in what 


you wear with the suit. Shirt color, for 
instance, can change the look of a suit 
completely. Collar styles and lie patterns 
con be varied. And now that French cuffs 
ате back, you can add a little spar 
with cuff links. Also, many men the: 
days are opting for a pocket square, 
those decorative handkerchiefs that go 
in the breast pocket of your suit. They 
соте in a wide range of colors and pal- 
terns, adding both dash and dressiness 
to an otherwise bland outfit. Some men 
like to grab the square in the center and 
stuff the points inlo the pocket, leaving 
just a puff of color exposed. Others take 
the trouble to fold it so that one or 
more points are sticking out of the 
pocket, That has a tendency to look 
fussy, though, so we recommend the 
more casual look. The next time you're 
out tie shopping, pick up a few squares 
along with them (they must coordinate). 
105 a subtle fashion statement you can 
make, and every little bit helps. 


mate and I have been together for 
əst two years, and after a previously 
ppy marriage for each of us, we feel 
lucky to have a second chance with 
someone so compatible. Our rela 
ship is based on mutual respect and 
honesty. And speaking honestly, my m 
needs “a little strange” now and then. 
We had a threesome with a friend of 
mine (female) about a year ago, and it 
was wonderful for us. We 
heard from her since. We would 
have another experience of that nature 


with somcone willing. My mate would 
rather 1 participated also, though 1 do 
not object to his having a one-night 
stand if he needs to. (I am very secure 
in our relationship, because I'm all that 
he needs in all important ways.) If d 
sounds contradictory, let me say that our 
sex life, though great, was at its peak for 
a month after our "orgy." I must admit 
that I get a lot of enjoyment from being 
a voyeur as well as a participant. While 
Iam heterosexual, I am not opposed to 
performing with another female for the 
enjoyment of my mate. Our problem— 
where do we find willing ladies, or cou- 
ples, who would enjoy this as much as 
we do? You can't just approach а stran- 
ger—Mrs. R. $., Indianapolis, Indi 

Why not? This column receives a lot 
of letters from people who have engaged 
in a ménage à quatre once—and who 
seem unable to make it happen a second. 
time. Maybe it’s the shock of all that 
astonishing sex. What did you say to 
your friend in the first place? Try the 
same approach on other friends or stran- 
gers. In а sense, trying to find a third 
requires the same eliquelle as regular 
dating. You don't proceed immediately 
10 the proposition. Rather, get to know 
the person in a neutral setting. Suggest 
а gettogether, with no stri attached. 
It is very easy lo sound out а person's 
feeling on this subject without commit- 
ting yourself to scandal or fiasco. 


At a recent business lunch, one of my 
companions pointed out that since the 
bill was served on a tray. we should p 
at the table. He said that if the check 
were simply left on the table, we would 
pay the cashier. Is that piece of wis- 
dom?—T. І... Los Angeles, California. 

Believe it or not, yes: If the waiter 
leaves your check on a tay, he expects 
а credit card or cash. If he leaves the 
check on the table, he expects you to 
pay at the cash register. For the life of 
us, we can’t figure out how that infor- 
malion got passed down from genera- 
tion to generation. It was not one of the 
topics covered in the sixth-grade “facts 
of life” confab. 


B have been having a little problem 
with my new boyfriend (of five months) 
regarding morning sex. He is not at all 
interested on weekdays because he fecls 
dead. I сап understand that, but I am 
very frustrated. 1 am especially inter- 
ested in sex in the mornings because my 
former boyfriend (of two years) was an 
avid morning lover. What kind of solu- 
tion do you suggest? 1 have considered 


47 


PLAYBOY 


just jumping on him without any warn- 
ing, but then I'd [cel like I was raping 
y own satisfaction. I have tried 
when I want to play, but he 
just. says no, and sometimes it drives me 
a mad. As far as other times when 
we have sex, it is just fine. On the aver- 
age. we have sex twice per day, so by no 
means am І neglected. It is just that in 
the morning I am especially aroused. 


Please advise—Miss К. A. D., Oslo, 
Nor 
Avodah К. Offi. a New York sex 


therapist, once wrote in an essay on the 
Joys of morning sex: “One of the reasons 
people like to live together is to be able 
to have sex more as a spontancous ges- 
turc and proof of affection than as an 
event requiring preparation” That 
sounds like a great idea to us. However, 
we suspect that your boyfriend thinks 
he’s in one of those Peter Sellers “Pink 
Panther” movies, with the valet jumping 
out from behind doors. Every now and 
then, fine, but to have to be їп а state of 
continuous preparedness can get to be 
а drag. Maybe he likes to take his time 
and would vather forgo a quickie than 
blow it. Talk to him. You might by to 
vary the pattern. One other word: You 
may overrale the importance of your 
initial arousal, Sex is not just what you 
bring to the cvent; its what happens 
once you get there. 


М/с» going on with prerecorded 
tapes? After buying about ten of them 
to use on my new cassette recorder, Т 
found that about half have so much 
noise they're a pain to listen to. Since 
I've never dealt in prerecorded tapes 
before, Га like to know if that’s nor- 
—L. T., Boston, Massachusetts. 

No, it is not normal. In fact, finding 
that percentage of unlistenable tapes is 
highly unlikely, We suspect that you've 
been caught in the dread “Dolby bind.” 
If you look on the front of your new 
tape deck, you will find a Dolby Nois 
Reduction System logo. It’s not there 
because Mr. Dolby has a very good law- 
yer, though he obviously does. It’s 
because the system is so good il is prac- 
tically indispensable to tape recording. 
Now, if you look on your casselte tape: 
you will find another Dolby logo— 
though in your case, you will probably 
find it on only half of the tapes you 
bought. And that’s where the problem 
is. All your Dolbyized tapes should be 
played with your deck's Dolby switch on, 
the vest with it off. Your machine cannot 
tell the difference; you have to switch 
it yourself. Dolby tapes played without 
Dolby circuitry will lose some of the 
high frequencies. That is true whether 
you have Dolby В, Dolby С (the latest 
and most efficient noise-reduction sys- 
tem), Dolby HX (which extends high- 
frequency headroom) or dbx, which is a 
rival system found on some of the newer 


cassette decks. Usually, a recorder with 
dbx will also have Dolby circuitry. The 
fact is that you can't just insert a tape 
into the recorder anymore without 
checking to see how it was recorded—a 
fact that makes Mr, Dolby very happy 
and very rich. 


ММ... happens to a man’s orgasm 
after he has had a vasectomy? Does he 
stillejaculate?—K. D., Detroit, Michigan. 

According to Dr, Michael Carrera, 
author of the recent “Sex: The Facts, 
the Acts and Your Feelings,” a vasectomy 
should have no effect on your sex life at 
all. “You will get erections as before, 
you will ejaculate as before, you will 
feel all you felt before. Desire and pe 
formance are in no way reduced. The 
only difference is that you cannot cause 
а pregnancy, because your semen no 
longer contains sperm. —_. Sperm makes 
up avery small part (about one percent) 
of your ejaculate. The other 99 percent 
is fluids from the seminal vesicle and 
prostate gland, which are unaffected by 
the vasectomy. They keep producing 
their fluid and that is what continues to 
leave your penis when you come. Inci- 
dentally, only examination of your se- 
men under à microscope would reveal 
that you had had a vasectomy. The 
color, amount and consistency remain 
as before, so no one could tell.” There 
you haue it. 


AA few days ago, 1 fell hopelessly in 
love with a woman who got on the 
elevator with me in our building. My 
question is this: Given my lack of ob- 
jectivity, the total, uncontrolled exul 
ance of my immediate undying love, 
what is the appropriate first step?—K. R. 
Detroit, Michigan. 

A lunch date. You can find out about 
cach other, give or take, over a light 
repast, without the pressure of an eve- 
ning date. Later, you can judge the wom- 
an’s interest: If you ask, “When can we 
Zel together and she suggests lunch, it 
means one thing. If she chooses dinner, 
it probably means something else. But 
not always. We live in difficult times. 
There is no clear-cut etiquette. 


Д. a hiend'’s house recently, I was 
served a very good white wine. Unfor- 
tunately, the way it was served, you 
couldn't tell. It was ice-cold and served 
old fashioned glasses. I'm not a real 
stickler on wine ceremony, but I think 
a little too far, 
It just seemed a te of good wine. 
Don't you thi k so?—L. B., San Luis 
Obispo, Ca 

Part of the fallout from white wine's 
increased popularity is a breakdown in 
the ceremony. Currently, it’s being con- 
sumed almost in the same way а cock- 
tail or a soft drink is. The problem with 
serving wine ice-cold is that it restricts 


both its taste and its aroma. The same 
problem exists with the glasses. Usually, 
wines are served in small, 9-10-12-0unce 
tulipshaped glasses. The shape helps 
trap the aroma and the wineglass stem 
gives you a handhold that won't trans- 
mit the heat of your hand to the wine, 
Naturally, the larger the party, the less 
you're able to adhere to the ideal. In 
other words, it just may be impractical 
to serve wine at optimum temperature 
and in the right glasses throughout a 
party. Usually, an hour in the refriger- 
ator or a half hour in the freezer will 
chill a while sufficiently. But as soon as 
you take it out, it begins to lose its chill. 
Handling in the wrong glasses can fur- 
ther raise the temperature. But you have 
Lo start somewhere. So we'd advise ignor- 
ing those small transgressions. Al some 
lime during the party, the wine will be 
ight, so enjoy it then and save the rules 
for home consumption. 


Wl, fiancée has a great body and 1 
love her very much. We enjoy a great 
sex life, but she could aro: me 
mare if it weren't for her inverted nip- 
ples. When she gets excited, the outer 


part of the nipple gets hard, but the 
nipple itself remains inverted. She is 
very sensitive and it really turns her on 


when I touch or kiss her breasts. She 
knows that I get turned on by women 
whose nipples stand out, and she wants 
hers to be that way also. We would like 
to know what can be done about in- 
verted nipples and what kind of doctor 
would be able to perform an operation. 
on them. Also, is it painful or dangerous 
and would it affect nursing а child? Any 
information you can give us will be great- 
ly appreciated.—D. M., Dallas, Texas. 

There is a problem here, but it is not 
one that can be cured. by an operation. 
Inverted nipples are completely normal 
and, indeed, in their own curious fash- 
ion, delightful. You've made your fiancée 
self-conscious, and we're not sure of your 
motive (are you perfect except for three 
square inches of your body?). Erect nip- 
ples are a sign of excitement. The fact 
that inverted nipples don’t react visually 
in the same way doesn’t mean that the 
excitement is any less. We think you're 
being ridiculously selfish—her nipples, 
inverted or otherwise, don’t exist to 
maximize your arousal. Think of her. 
Change your taste. Have you ever gotten 
off on an erect clitoris? 


АП reasonable questions—from fash- 
ion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars 
to dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette— 
will be personally answered if the writer 
includes a stamped, self-addressed en- 
velope. Send all letters to The Playboy 
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michi- 
gan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. The 
most provocative, pertinent queries will 
be presented on these pages cach month. 


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Would a bunch of guys 
really go at it this hard 
we. just for a beer? 


ee SÍ 


Well, consider... 

theyre playing for Michelob Light, 
a rich, smooth taste you can 
/ compare to any beer you like. 


Michelob Light. 


DEAR PLAYMATES 


ММ. asked our Playmates a difficult 
question this month. Were interested 
in finding out about sexual signals— 
the verbal ones and the silent ones, as 
well. Just how do they pass those cues on 
10 a man whom they find sexually 
exciting? 

This montlYs question is: 

What kind of signals do you give a 
man when you are interested in haying 
sex with him for the first time? 


V don't give out verbal signals, just sub- 
tle ones. I'm usually so nervous on a 
first date that I rarely give out any sig- 
nals at all un- à 

les I really 
care for thc 
guy and I know 
it right away. 
"That doesn't 
happen too of- 
ten. Once I 
were in a rela- 
tionship, I'd 
expect him to 
know by the 
way I was act- 
ing. But Га 
be cautious. I wouldn't want to be too 
direct, in case he wasn't interested. I 
wouldn't want to open myself up for 
that kind of rejection. 


They know! With me, they know! It's 
some old-fashioned Southernness. I do my 
little girl—it's 
really not. an 
act, but it 
comes over me 
at appropriate 
times. And men 
seem torespond. 
to the little girl 
in a woman; at 
least the men 
who have been 
interested іп 
me have re- 
sponded to it. 
Maybe it has something to do with Lo- 
lita. You know, batting the eyelashes, 
head on the shoulder, lots of touching, 
lots of body language. Usually, it works. 
At least it works for me. 


(op. Pa 


CATHY LARMOUTH 
JUNE 1981 


E think it’s a very delicate moment and 
for the most part my own signals are 
nonyerbal. I'm not exactly forward, but 
I am yery affectionate. Those feelings 
don't “come 
over me” at 
any certain 
time in the eve- 
ning. So when- 
ever I'm feeling 
emotional or 
sensitive, I just 
show it. Some 
men feel threat- 
ened һу a for- 
ward woman 
and some wom- 
еп are worried 
about being too forward. Those are 
mixed signals. Or a man can get so 
wound up trying too hard to impress that 
he doesn't see how the woman feels—if 
she's turned on or off. Both sexes need 
to relax. 


Jun. Zu 


KAREN PRICE 
JANUARY 1981 


signals are generally nonverbal 
and usually eye contact and attitude. 
Men aren't stupid, they can figure it out. 
"Then it's up to him to find out if I want 
to go home with him. I've run into very 
few men who 
haven't caught 
on to my per- 
sonality. "The 
few who have 
read me wrong 
were too busy 
trying to figure 
out how to get 
me home. You 
have to get to 
know a woman 
first. Men tend 
to overlook 
that fact, because they get so excited by 
the possibilities that they forget to focus 
on the present, and then, of course, they 
miss a lot of signals along the way. Of 
course, there are moments when a man 
and a woman have walked into a bar 
Or a restaurant, seen each other, had 
immediate verbal or nonverbal vibes 
and both known that they were there 
for the same reason. 1 just feel if you 
sit and talk to someone, then when it 
hits, it hits you much stronger. 


Фоа ао 


LORRAINE MICHAELS 
APRIL 1981 


Ё just leap on him. 1 don't say much. In 
fact, every boyfriend I've ever had has 
said I'm always the first опе to initiate. 
things, Irom 
necking to 
whatever, Even 
when I've 
fought with 
men,  theyd 
usually say 1 
started it. Be- 
fore the first 
date, Fm the 
sort who says, 
"He looks in- 
teresting; I 
want to meet 
him.” Yve always been the aggressive 
onc. I'm sure some readers will wonder 
why no woman has ever jumped them, 
but I can tell you there are a lot of 
women out there with my attitude. 


nD 


ama T 


JEANA TOMASINO 
NOVEMBER 1980 


Ё usually start unbuttoning his shirt. I'm 
pretty direct, but there is another side 
to me. As a good little girl born in the 
Fifties, I was raised- to know how to 
charm a man 
and make him 
feel like he was 
making all the 
moves, when I 
know that I 
can stop him or 
start him any- 
where along 
the way. But I 
want to shy 
away from the 
kind of manip- 
ulation train- 
ing little girls get. 1 I'm getting fired 
up and sex is a possibility, then there 
has been an undercurrent of signals 
playing all the time. And 90 percent of 
that time, the actual physical intimacy 


VICKI MC CARTY 
SEPTEMBER 1979 


If you have a question, send it to 
Dear Playmates, Playboy Building, 919 
North Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illi- 
nois 60611. We won't be able to answer 
every question, but we'll do our best. 


51 


HEUBLEIN 


American Creme. __ 
That creamy, expensive taste you love. 
At last, at an All-American price. 


While American Creme and the most popular imported cream liqueur both 
offer you a rich premium taste, American-made American Creme is only about half the price. 
So why pay the difference if you can't taste the difference? 


American Creme, 34 Proof, © Heublein, Inc, Hartford, CT, U.S.A. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


a continuing dialog on contemporary issues between playboy and its readers 


RACIAL REALISM 

In the September 1981 issue's “Fo- 
rum Newsfront,” a judge in New York 
decided to let off some guy whose dog 
crapped in the wrong place and who 
therealter gave an arresting officer a 
bad time. The judge's reasoning was, es- 
sentially, that some little dog-walking 
wimp probably ought not to be sent to 
the New York State prison where he 
would be instantly raped or killed or 
both. Because the defendant was white, 
that judge got jumped on a ist, 
because the implication was that a young 
white boy wouldn't last long in a pris- 
on populated mostly by blacks. The 
judge himself was black, if I recall. 

Tf that is not an example of racial 
equality gone out the window, I don't 
know what is. That judge was simply 
being realistic. How stupid and even 

ne it is to pretend otherwise. The 
fact that blacks commit more crimes 
and more often end up in prison for 
Jack of good lawyers is a simple fact of 
life. It's not a matter of genes or race 
or anything else. There simply are more 
poor and violent and criminal black 
people because of economic class d 
ferences: A race prejudice contributes to 
the problems of the black community 
but does not alter the basic current 
aime statistics. One interesting fact 
about black criminality that white 
people often ignore is that most crime 
by blacks is against blacks, who also 
receive the least police protection. 

Where racism occurs, it's the inability 
of white law-enforcement personnel to 
distinguish between the black popula- 

n that is desperately trying to live 
honest and productive lives and the 
black assholes who prey on their own 
people because they are convenient tar- 
gets and because the black criminal 
knows that white cops don't really give 
a damn what happens to the “niggers” 
in their own neighborhoods. 

Jim Haber 
Los Angeles, California 

An Illinois circuit judge got himself 
in a similar bind by admonishing a de- 
fendant to get his act together because 
“the facts of life are you're a slight 
white male. And the prisons are full of 
big black people.” That may be a fact, 
as you say. And, as you also imply, the 
problem with law enforcement may be 
the unwillingness or inability of frus- 
trated cops to concern themselves with 
crime when it occurs in a black com- 
munity. Most cops aren't trigger-happy 


killers. Most blacks aren't cop-hating 
criminals. Bul we've seen no community 
leadership in any city atlempling to get 
the “good guys” allied together against 
the “bad guys,” regardless of race. 


LOYAL READER 
PLAYBOY is one of the few magazines 
readily available to those of us Americans 


“Fe found what 
must be the granddaddy 
of all vibrators... г” 


in foreign medical schools. And since 
very few other magazines, to my mind, 
steer such a clear and enlightened edi- 
torial course, PLAYBOY is doubly ap- 
preciated. After hearing about all the 
craziness back in the States, it's nice to 
know that you people are still carrying 
on the fight for intelligent laws, civil 
rights and sanity in general. 
Douglas S. Arneson 
San Pedro de Macorís 
Dominican Republic 


SEXPLAY 
My boyfriend and I both have a sense 
of humor—fortunately—and enjoy teas- 


ing each other and occasionally playing 
practical jokes. He works at it a lot hard- 
er than I do, but I enjoy the attention. 
For my birthday last year, I received, 
among other things, a ridiculous “bust 
developer” that he'd ordered out of some 

zine. Since I'm almost overly en- 
1, it couldn't be taken as a hint or 
an insult, so we both got a laugh. For his 
birthday, I retaliated by getting, from 
the hospital where I work, several of the 
little rubber finger gloves that doctors 
use for rectal examinations, bought three 
prophyladics in aluminum containers 
and did some careful repackaging with a 
razor blade. Since he's quite well hung, 
those finger-size rubbers also went over 
hristmas, he naturally had 
to retaliate. In an antique shop, he 
found what must be the granddaddy of 
all vibrators—a bomb-shaped metal job 
bout three inches in diameter that 
resembles a Forties uum cleaner. 1 
laughed, but I haven't decided whether 
that's funny or not, and I'm trying very 
hard to think up an appropriate revenge- 
If your readers have any truly brilliant 


ideas, I need to find them out before 
next October. I think I'm behind in the 
contest. 


(Name withheld by request) 
‘Taos, New Mexico 


SODOMY SQUAD 

We in the nation’s capital have wit- 
nessed one of the great perversions of 
everyone's right to perversity, in the form 
of a Moral Majority onslaught against 
the lawmaking powers of the one city 
in the land still not entitled to write 
ordinances without interference from 
constituentminded Congressmen from 
the hinterlands, 

The District of Columbia was simply 
and belatedly rewriting its sex code. 
But because that opens discussion of 
such old taboos as sodomy and fornica- 
tion and the rights of consenting adult 
homosexuals, it became ready fodder for 
the Moral Majority and its dozens of 
loony-fringe allies, all of whom just hap- 
pen to have offices close to the Govern- 
ment that Reagan runs. 

They had a field day. Mobilizing 
their pink-faced minions, they virtually 
ran amuck in the halls and on the 
switchboards of Capitol Hill, making it 
virtually impossible for many progres- 
siveminded Representatives to do any- 
thing but oppose the bill when it was 
forced to a Moor vote by the House Dis- 
trict of Columbia Committee. Members 


53 


PLAYBOY 


spoke of receiving 700 calls in a single 
day warning them that a vote to ap- 
prove the carefully drafted new District 
code (the city council had worked on it 
for sever 
of publicity against them in their home 
districts 

With visions of “SUPPORTS SODOMY 
and “PUTS GIRLS AT MERCY OF TEACHERS" 
headlines, they voted down the D.C. re- 
form package—even though many have 
in the past supported just such reforms 
(Lam told) in their home states. It's just 
that there was no Moral Majority then. 

The leader of all this, of. course, was 
the good old Reverend Mr. Falwell. This 
is the best microcosmic example to date 
of his skill in mobilizing mass demagog- 
пету as an extension of his individual 
demagoguery. One shudders to think 
it could do if carried to a nation 


al years) would spark a wave 


Peter Ross 
Washington, D.C. 


EVOLUTION 

Would you believe that our Oklahoma 
legislature has shelved fundamentalist 
ellorts to require the teaching of Biblical 
creationism in public schools? I'm not 
sure exactly how it happened, but the 
winning argument against the proposed 
bill was that it would require giving 
equal time to Darwin! 

I also don't know whether this was 
a clever maneuver by some enlightened 
Oklahoma statesman (which seems a bit 
unlikely) or the realization by some 
backwoods lawmakers that most Okla- 
homans probably have never heard of 
Darwin and should not be confused by 
any exposure to evolutionary theory. 

Either way, this may be a good tactic 
for holding off efforts to cripple educa- 
tion with theology. Let parents raise 
bloody hell that teaching superstition 
vill require their schools to give equal 
time to science and common sense. 

Bob Fuller 
McAlester, Oklahoma 


RIGHT TO BE WANTED 

The Playboy Forum continues to take 
up valuable (to me, at least) space with 
the pros and cons of abortion. In lieu 
of debates on the right to life, the 
arguments should be about the right 
to be loved and wanted very child 
born needs to be wanted and loved, lest 
he or she in time becomes an unhappy 
menace to the community. A random 
sampling of those «cerated in our 
prisons and. mental institutions will re- 
I that most were unwanted, unloved 
children. 

Моге! 


1 1,000,000 youngsters aban- 
г homes and families in this 
country each year—or are themselves 
abandoned. In Third World countries, 
millions of children yet unborn face 
starvation. India, with one of the highest 


FORUM NEWSFRONT 


what’s happening in the sexual and social arenas 


DOUBTING DARWIN 

ғокт wortu—T. Cullen Davis, the 
Texas millionaire who declared him- 
self a born-again Christian afler being 
acquitted in highly publicized murder 
and murder-conspiracy trials, has an- 
nounced that he will give $100,000 to 
anyone who can prove the Darwinian 
theory. “T feel my money is absolutely 
safe," Davis says. “1 invite any profes- 
sor engaged in teaching evolution to 
come forward with his evidence... . 1 
know they can't do it." Davis first post- 
ed a reward of $2500 and then began 


increasing the amount when no one 
took him up on his offer 

In California, a survivor of a Na 
concentration camp has sued to collect 
$50,000 offered by a right-wing group 
to anyone who could prove that the 
holocaust actually occurred. A judge 
has already affirmed that point, ruling 
that the murder of millions of Jews 
was “a fact and nol reasonably subject 
to dispute,” but took under considera- 
tion other arguments concerning the 
validity of the offer. 


ABORTION REJECTED 
OKLAHOMA cIty—Complying with 
her mothers wishes, a pregnant 12- 
year-old. girl has reportedly agreed to 
bear the baby conceived afler she was 
raped by three unidentified youths. 
Earlier, the Oklahoma Supreme Court 
had ordered that abortion be made 
available to the girl over her mother's 
her age and 


religious objections, citing 
possible danger lo her life. The moth- 
ers attorney announced that doctors 


have since found the girl capable of 
safe delivery and said that she would 
carry the pregnancy to term. The rape 
also led to her contracting a venereal 
disease. 

In Kalamazoo, Michigan, a county 
circuil-court judge rejected ап attor- 
ney's motion that would have permitted 
an abortion for an 11-year-old girl made 
pregnant by a тап who had been liv- 
ing with her mother and who has been 
charged with first-degree criminal sex- 
ual conduct. The mother refused to 
permit the abortion and the court re- 
fused to appoint a temporary guardian 
for the girl, who became a ward of 
the state. 


POT-POURRI 

SOUTH YARMOUTH. 
Thieves gained entrance lo a state ро- 
lice barracks, bypassed an alarm system 
and made of] with nearly two tons of 
marijuana being stored as evidence 
from one of the biggest drug cases in 
the Cape Cod area. At a news con- 
ference, embarrassed police officials 
would tell reporters only that the dope 
was missing—50 bales out of 137. 
weighing up to 70 pounds cach—but a 
week later, a county grand jury in- 
dicted four persons, including a 17-year 
veteran of the state police force. 

Elsewhere = 

+ In New Orleans, a 59-year-old fill- 
ingstation operator has been arrested 
for allegedly giving customers a free 
marijuana cigarette with every pur- 
chase of a tank of gas. Police said that 
the station's booming business attract- 
ed their attention and that officers 
seized some 79 joints after staking out 
the place. 

* Los Angeles police seized 196 
pounds of marijuana plants after being 
called to a residence because of a “do- 
mestic dispute.” The angry woman 
complainant led the officers to her live- 
in boyfriend's back-yard pot garden 

* Near San Gregorio, California, 
state narcotics officers found three 
Bengal tigers and a leopard protecting 
ills outside 


MASSACHUSETTS— 


a marijuana patch in the 
town. 


RATING SYSTEM UPHELD 
EAST LANSING—Michigan’s court of 
appeals has rejected a challenge to the 
national movie-rating. system that te- 
stricts children from 
films. The case arose when an East 
Lansing couple were not allowed to 


seeing certain 


take their four children, ranging in age 
from five to ten. to see the R-rated 
“Animal House” unless they remained 
with them in the theater. The suit 
argued that parents, nol the movie in- 
dustry, should determine what shows 
children attend and that the theater 
was engaging in age discrimination. 
The court held that the admission 
policy was a “reasonable method of 
seeking to comply with the juvenile 
obscenity statute and with the common- 
law duties imposed on those who make 
entertainment available to children.” 


SEX FOR SINGLES 

TAMPA—Student leaders at The Uni- 
versity of South Florida have decided 
to challenge a new state law by for- 
mally advocating sexual relations be- 
tween unmarried persons. The law was 
passed as an amendment to the state's. 
budget and prohibits public funding 
of schools that charter, recognize or aid 
“any group or organization that rec- 
ommends or advocates sexual relations 
between persons not married to each 
other.” To test the amendment, the 
USF student senate passed a resolution 
sanctioning sex for both married and 
unmarried couples and endorsed a stu- 
dent's speech advocating premarital 
se: veral student leaders then filed 
an application to form an organization 
whose express purpose would be to pr 
mote sex between unmarried adul 
The group would be called Sigma 


‘psilon Chi, the initials of which spell 
SEX in the Greek alphabet. 
Meanwhile, in Tallahassee, Florida 
State University officials retreated from 
their earlier demand that teachers of 
sex-related courses indicate compliance 
with state law by signing statements 
that they would not “recommend or 
advocate” sexual relations between un- 
marrieds. The teachers objected, one 


Spokesman saying that “signing the 
statements would be like signing sexual 
loyalty oath: 


FATHERHOOD BY FRAUD 

NEW YORK—A man tricked into fa- 
thering a child by a woman who falsely 
told him she was taking birth-control 
pills should not be required to pay 
child support, a Manhattan Family 
Court has ruled. A woman judge found 
that the mother’s “planned and inten- 
tional deceit bars her, in this court's 
opinion, from financial benefit at те- 
Spondent’s expense,” but added that 
some support would be ordered if the 
er's means were insufficient 10 
the child's fair and reasonable 
.” The woman had argued that 
law requires a father to support his 
child regardless of the circumstances of 
birth, while the man—in this case, ex— 
New York policeman Frank Serpico of 
book and movie fame—contended that 
deceit relieved him of the obligation 
and that his right not to father a child 
had been infringed. 

Meanwhile, а 


Wisconsin appeals 
court has held that a sterile man who 
insisted that his wife become pregnant 
through sexual relations with another 
male is responsible for the child's sup- 
port. The court ruled, “A husband who 
participates in the arrangement for the 
creation of a child cannot consider this 
temporary relation to be assumed and 
disclaimed at will.” 


CHANGE OF HEART 

LANSING—The Michigan Court of 
Appeals has decided that changing 
one's mind in the middle of a crime 
can be a legitimate defense. The court 
noted the “traditional view” that a 
crime has been committed once a 
person intentionally engages in an 
overt illegal act. Tt decided, however, 
that a person who voluntarily aban- 
dons the crime can use that fact in 
his defense and ordered that a would- 
be robber be granted a new trial. Court 
records indicated that the man had 
approached a clerk at a liquor store 
and demanded money, then refused to 
take it on the grounds that the woman 
clerk was too good-looking to rob and 
that he was only joking. The state is 
appealing the decision. 


CUSTODY QUESTION 

BostoN—The Massachusetts appeals 
court has ruled that a father cannot be 
denied custody of his child simply be- 
cause he is living with a girlfriend. In 
a lengthy decision that upheld award- 
ing a divorced man the custody of an 
eight-year-old boy, the court said that 
trial judges “should av 


id making 


moral judgments on the lifestyles of the 
proposed custodial parents, recognizing 
that such judgments are appropriate 
only when it can be shown that a par- 
ent’s lifestyle has a direct and articu- 
late adverse impact on the child, or 
where there can be no real dispute 
that the behavior of the custodial par- 
ent is related to his or her parenting 
ability.” 


TOUGH MOTHER 


JOHANA URG, SOUTH AFRICA—A 


bride was left wailing at the altar twice 
in one week because the groom's moth- 
er locked him in the bathroom while 


he was getting ready for the ceremony. 
The first time, the 28-year-old man 
escaped after two hours, but the wed- 
ding already had been canceled. The 
second lime, the mother not only 
locked him up but also hid his suit and 
wedding ring. The couple's minister 
explained that the mother was ada- 
mantly opposed to the marriage and 
that the couple had decided to post- 
pone the ceremony until "circum- 
stances have changed.” 


¡OLE! 
r.c—Narcolics offi- 
cers managed to surprise and arrest a 
suspected major heroin dealer and four 
alleged customers by dressing up in a 
bull costume and charging the suspect's 
parked car. The officers seized about 
$20,000 worth of heroin, $6800 in cash 
and a stolen pistol, arresting the five 
men without resistance, “The whole 
point was 10 psychologically devastate 
these guys”, one cop explained. 
“We had time to get in there, make 
the arrests and get out before they 
knew what was going on.” The assist- 
ing officers wore badges made from 
malt-liquor cans. 


55 


The Nighthawk 
has landed. 


the pack. But some п 
will take you justa little further 
away than the other 
Introducing the Nighthawk" 
A motorcycle that is not for 
just anyon 
Perhaps its the look of the 
machine that sets it apart. The 


AL EAR A HELMET ANDE: 


Fora free brochure, see your Honda dealer, Or 


The sleek profile. The fully ad: 


Justable new handlebars that 
move to fit you, not vice-versa. 
he rumble of the 
rmance four- 
he flash of the 
dual front brakes. Or the 
shed ComStar™ wheels and 
fat, low profile rear tire. 


the Night- 
5 clearly too unique, too 
distinctive, to be the right bike 
for everyman. 
But then, we didn't build 


HONDA. 


FOLLOW THE LEADER 


ind availability subject to change without notice. ©198t American Honda Motor Co., Inc 
Dep Box 9000, Van Nuys, CA 91409. 


PLAYBOY 


58 


education rates among the group, and 
despite massive efforts at teaching and 
assistance in birth control, has a popula- 
tion growth of about 14,000,000 annual- 
Jy—equal to the population of Aust 
So, please, let us start planning ahead 

to give our descendants a fair chance 
to survive and to continue to try to 
help those less fortunate. 

E:ckiel Barber, Ph.D. 

Union, New Jersey, and 

Ncw Delhi, India 


RIGHT TO LIFE 

The bill to define human life as bc- 
ginning the moment of conception is 
based on the truth that a fertilized 
egg has the whole complement of geneti 
information, as does each cell of the 
final individual. That same genetic in- 
formation is carried by a human being's 
dandruff. The most obvious difference 
is that a fertilized egg is a live cell, 
whereas the cells in dandruff are dead. 
That difference can be carried further. 


move over, saint valentine 


Suffice it to say 
that sex in the Eight- 
ies has become not 
so much liberating as 
dangerous. You can 
get all you want; but 


do you want what 
you get? For those 
who have itched, 


squirmed, medicated 
and confessed (in the 
interests of social Ir 
giene), the answer is no. That is why 
we are emboldened now to take a 
daring, not to say desperate, step 
toward revisionist romance. 

We must consecrate a new symbol 
for lovers. 

Faithful (as well as faithless) read- 
ers know that we've been harping 
on herpes since we were able to stop 
growing hair on our palms. But talk 
is cheap. Unless we wish to make 
this the final decade of sex in Amer- 
ica, th must be а concerted effort 
to bring this subjet d'amour out of 
our underwear and onto calen: 

Why herpes and not some other 
product of lust, such as gonorrhea oi 
syphilis, vou ask? Call it a rooting 
for the undergerm. The clap and 
the syph already have their own his 
toric legendry, their own drugs. even 
their own rating with the Federal 
Centers for Disease Control in 
Atlanta. Herpes is without such аз 


suagements, As yet, it has no cure, no 
statis record. It has not been im- 
mortalized 1 usually mus- 


ters no more than a smirk or a groan 
when the subject comes up in con- 
versation. 

Unfair, we say, and downright mis- 
Icading. Herpes is as common as the 
common cold. It's as much a feature 
of modern male-female love affairs 
as divorce, living together and pre- 


nuptial consummation. It's damn 
aras prevalent as the hickey. 
So give herpes its day. Any dismal 


cluster of 24 hours will do. Or, better 
yet, let Herpes Day replace that old 


HERPES DAY 


canard, Saint Valen- 
tines Day, which is 
nothing more than a 
mishmash of some 
thing Pope Gelasius 
thought up in 496 
AD. to commemorate 
опе Bishop Valentine 
and compete with 
Roman festival hon- 
oring Faunus, а ге 
dition of the Greck 
god Pan, who was heavily into se 


Greek word for creeping and should 
not be confused with the mythical 
Greek monster Harpy, half woman 
and half bird, who was into snatch- 
ing and grabbing. With a Herpes Day 
there should be no pressure to buy 
candy in boxes shaped like something 
from Frederick's of Hollywood. 

Herpes Day could become a rally- 
ing point for those who have sur- 
vived the mill of American romance 
all the way from the Fifties, when 
bbers were sold FOR PREVENTION OF 
FASE ONLY, to the Sixties, when sex 
was as easy to come by as a tiedyed 
‘T-shirt, through the Seventies, when 
copulation useful to с 
vancement and disco entrepreneui 
and to today, when sex can be 1 
ardous to your health. 

Incorporation of Herpes Day into 
the culture requires nothing more 
than a few letters to your Congress- 
man, who most likely understands 
the situation, anyway; to à valiant 
and crusading publication. like. 
this опе; and to a bent executive at 
Hallmark. 

Its a small dream, yes, but one 
with a future. It's got potential, if 
for no reason other than that herpes 
represents everything modern sex has 
become: surprising. repetitive, dan- 
gerous, vindictive and amenable to 
small groups. 

Go for it. 

—ROD DAVI: 


DIS 


AND DICK J. REAVIS 


Each and every individual cell of a 
human body just deceased retains 1 
Is the sum total any less dead? We must 
seck the answer to the question of what 
constitutes the difference between a 
dead human and a live one 

Harry A. Shamir 

Newton Center, Massachusetts 


ABORTION 

There seems to be a presumption that 
abortion is legal in this country. It 
be legal as a point of law, but 
doesn't mean it’s legally available 
iy meaningful way. Ask any preg- 
nant teenager who isn’t street wise in 
some large city or who isn’t the daughter 
of a prosperous family with the right 
connections. Thanks to the anti-abor- 
tionists, the one group of young women 
who are becoming pregnant and bearing 


CENSORSHIP REPORT 

In December 1981, the “Forum 
Newsfront” reported а nationwide 
survey of escalating efforts to censor 
or ban books from public school 
libraries, as well as increasing timid- 
ity on the part of educators and 
administrators in dealing with this 
‘oblem. This report, titled “Limit 
ing What Students Shall Read." is 
the joint effort of the Association of 
American Publishers, the American 
Library Association and the Associa- 
tion for Supervision and Curriculum 
Development and is the most com- 
prehensive study of its kind. Copies 
are now available at five dol 
from the Office for Intellectual Free- 
dom, American Library Association, 
50 East Huron Street, Chicago, Mi- 
nois 60611. 


children are those who are the most lack- 
ing in good sense, parental ability and 
economic opportunity. I find it hard to 
believe that those who oppose abortion, 
and especially welfare abortions, evident- 
ly want themselves outbred and ove 
by the very same people they consid 
scum. There's simply no understanding 
people who place theological principles 
1 reality. 
Arnold Wells 
Wichita Falls, Texas 


above soci 


I cannot bring myself to share the 
anti-abortionists’ concern for "preborn 
human life.” Preborn is the sort of 
semantic gibberish you expect from used- 
car dealers, as in “predriven 
ever n 
and gestating fetuses 

May the good Lord in His wisdom and 
sense of justice arrange that those un- 
wanted fetuses, upon reaching the age of 
16 or so, when they may well be living 


off the great welfare teat or supporting 


By wi 
me, what we have are used cars 


What separates Presidente 
from other brandies? 


7000 feet. 


Presidente's unique aging process begins at 7,000 feet, on a cool plateau 
of the Sierra Madre Mountains. There, while still in white oak barrels, the 
century old Solera method ages Presidente Brandy to the peak of perfection. 


The result is a brandy rich in character, mellow in taste. Of, 7 27 


There's only one Presidente. 


PLAYBOY 


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themselves through free criminal enter- 
prise, stick their pistols in the tummies 
of card-carrying right-to-lifers by way of 
demonstrating their appreciation. And 
may the good Lord inspire those same 
underprivileged fetuses to lay the hell 
off people like me whose primary con- 
cern is for the welfare of society and its 
postpartum members who are not merely 
the regrettable by-product of horniness 
and stupidi 


me withheld by request) 
New York, New York 


GUN CONTROL 

I would like to thank rrAvmov for 
running our advertisement urging a stop 
to America's handgun violence. The ad 
has sparked considerable interest in our 
organization's legislative program. 


Handgun Control, Inc., supports com- 
mon-sense legislation to make it more 
difficult for the criminal and the crazed 
to acquire handguns—the favorite tools 
in violence. Our organization supports 
thc Reagan Task Force on Violent 
Crimes proposals to combat handgun 
crime. Specifically, the "Task Force rec- 
ommended that anyone using a hand- 
gun in a crime be given a mandatory 
sentence; that handgun purchasers be 
checked out to make sure they don't 
have a criminal record; that we stop the 
importation of Saturday-nightspecial 
parts: and that handgun owners be re- 
quired to report the theft or loss of a 
weapon, Those recommendations were 
characterized by Associate Attorney Gen- 
eral Rudolph Guiliani as "enforcing 
present gun laws as stringently as pos- 
sible—to cut down the opportunities for 
convicted felons to possess handguns. 

Our advertisement. encouraged. many 
Americans, including gun owners, to 
write to Handgun Control, Inc., giving 
us an opportunity to explain that we do 
not support the confiscation or banning 
of handguns. Others have written asking 


for copies of our poster, which are avail- 
able for three dollars each from our 
offices in Washington. 
Pete Shields, Chairman 
Handgun Control, Inc. 
810 18th Street N.W. 
Washington, D.C. 20006 


Normally, I would not write a letter 
to a magazine complaining about an ad- 
vertisement. However, PLAYBOY'S dona- 
tion of a full page to Handgun Control, 
Inc., amounts to a $50,000 endorsement 
of that о: /ation's message and de- 
serves some response. 

Handgun Control's ad message is mis- 
leading and indicative of its peculiar 
view of crime in America. Handguns, 
strictly speaking, did not and do not 
kill anyone. People with handguns 
more than 10.000 Americans last y 
and people with other weapons killed 
another 10,000. Too olten, handgun- 
control advocates forget that we are 
dealing with a problem of 20.000 mur- 
ders, not merely with the fact t| 10,000 
of the killers chose handguns with which 
10 commit their cri 

It is true that a number of major na- 
tions have strict gun control and few 
murders. It does not follow that those 
controls are the cause of the low homi- 
cide rate. Crime is a function of the 
culture and of the people in the society. 
Foreign countries prove it. 

Switzerland and Israel have few mur- 
ders compared with the United States, 
yet both have among the highest rates 
Of firearms ownership in the world. As 


the ad states, Japan is also blessed with 


a low murder rate. But is that due to 
strict gun controls? A look at Taiwan, 
another small, crowded island nation 
with strict gun controls, would suggest 
that Japan's tranquillity has some other 
cause. Taiwan's murder rate is greater 
than that of the U.S. and many other 
countries 
Any d 
nearly 


s 


erning reader knows that 
nything сап be "proven" 


through the selective use of statistics. 
The truth is that the only thing that 
international comparisons prove is that. 
crime varies by nation according to the 
y ol guns. 


culture, not the availabi 
John D. Lewis, Public Affairs Director 
Second Amendment Foundation 
Bellefield Office Park 
1601 114th S.E., Suite 157 
Bellevue, Washington 98004 


I cannot quite understand how gun 
control fits into the Playboy philosophy, 
which has always defended the right of 
privacy and the rights of individuals. As 
long as I do no harm to a fellow human 
being, what right does anyone have to 
tell me I can't have a gun, handgun or 
otherwise, in huy own home or place of 
business for the defense of myself, my 


family and my property? The only fellow 
human beings I might harm would be 
those who would take it upon them- 
selves to threaten what I hold dear. 
Those fellow human beings I'll be most 
willing to put bullets through. 
Tom Gallagher 
Chicago, Illinois 
Sounds like we've put ourself right 
in the middle of an ideological holy 
war between the progunners and the 
antigunners. We supported the Com- 
miltee to Control Handguns only be- 
cause it seems to be the most sensible 
reform group—one that recognizes that 
the country has a serious violence prob- 
lem in which handguns figure much too 
prominently, but one that does not con- 
sider the answer to be abolition or con- 
fiscation. Unfortunalely, the rhetoric 
on both sides has made the expression 
gun control nearly synonymous with gun 
prohibition. We don't buy that sim- 
plistic solution amy more than we 
think tougher drug laws will correct 
that national problem. Consider “The 
Playboy Forum" now open to debate on 
the issue, but please—both sides—spare 
us statistical clichés and righteousness 
and suggest some solutions. Next month, 
we'll be publishing an article titled 
“The Trouble with Guns,” by William 
J. Helmer, who examines with some dis- 
may the irrationality that seems to char- 
acterize the extremists on both sides of 
the issue. 


STICK ‘EM UP 

Please enjoy the enclosed sticker, 
which has been used to terrorize cert: 
otherwise respectable citizens of our 
nation's capital. The fact is, I have never 


claimed respectability. 
In my circle of disrep- 
wtable friends, this 


sticker plastered on my 
car's 


windshield was 


in action. 
proud. I parked my car 
in the very midst ot all 
the pimps and hookers, 
just around the corner from our infa- 
mous 14th Street, in the company of my 
girlfriend. She is now a bona fide prosti- 
tute and would like you to return the 
sticker if possible. 

(Name withheld by request) 

Alexandria, Virgini 


“The Playboy Forum” offers the 
opportunity for an extended dialog 
between readers and editors of this 
publication on contemporary issues. Ad- 
dress all correspondence to The Playboy 
Forum, Playboy Building, 919 North 
Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. 


59 


PLAYBOY 


60 


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PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: L E С Н WA L E SA 


a candid conversation with the charismatic leader of poland's solidarity 


By now his story has taken on the 
trappings of a legend. An unemployed 
Polish electrician named Lech Walesa 
scaled a fence at the Lenin Shipyard in 
Gdańsk, Poland, to join striking workers 
who were occupying the plant, Within 
days, he had become the leader of the 
strike and was demanding that the Pol- 
ish government give workers the right 
to form free trade unions, unprece- 
dented in an Eastern European Com- 
munist country. Six months later, Walesa 
had become one of the most powerful 
men in Poland, leader of the 10,000,000- 
member Solidarity union. By December, 
he was on the cover of Time and spot- 
lighted in its “Man of the Year” cov- 
erage for 1980, Time called him “one 
of the Communist world's most char 
matic figures,” and noled that “from his 
first appeavance in the striking shipyard 
last August, Walesa showed an instinc- 
live ability to inspire crowds and win 
their trust . . . [mesmerizing] audiences 
with a mixture of folksy quips and dead- 
ly serious admonitions.” 

In the months since Walesa's rise to 
international fame and unprecedented 
power in Poland, the world has watched 
him lead his Solidarity union into a 
series of tough confrontations with Pol- 


"In the past year, we survived. This is 
the greatest accomplishment of all. We 
signaled to them what we wanted. Next 
year, we should be able to pursue the 
dream of this Poland we have imagined.” 


ish leaders. It has also watched the 
Soviet Union mass thousands of troops 
and artillery along the Polish border in 
a not-so-subtle reminder of what happens 
to Russian satellites when they stray too 
far from the socialist orbit. 

Throughout it all, Walesa (his name 
is pronounced Lek Vah-when-sah) has 
maintained a careful balance in his 
public image of international media 
celebrity interviewed by Walter Cron- 
kite and humble, decply religious Polish 
workingman. When he appears in public 
in Poland, he is the object of adulation, 
signing autographs and traveling with a 
squad of bodyguards. Yet his favorite 
response to admirers is often “I am not 
your master, І am your servant.” To 
factory workers he has been known to 
say thal “anyone who turns his head as 
I walk by isn't doing his job.” 

Walesa has also managed to become 
adept at both public speaking and polit- 
ical infighting. In front of mass audi- 
ences who sometimes chant “Long live 
Walesa,” he is calm, understated and 
given to parables and simple anecdotes 
that enhance his image as an average 
Polish worker with little formal educa- 
tion. Yet he has been able to motivate 
an entire country to sland up to Soviet 


“Poland was always a rather free country. 
We hobnobbed with France, England, 
America. Suddenly, we were ordered to 
love something else. We have freedom in 
our blood; no one can hold us captive!” 


domination and has become a symbol of 
Poland reborn. Within a few weeks after 
his rise to power in Gdańsk, he engi- 
neered a major strike that brought Po- 
land to a standstill for exactly one hour. 
In public, he seems to draw out of all 
Poles latent feelings of both patriotism 
and Catholicism. He rarely misses daily 
Mass. He wears a medallion of the Vir- 
gin Mary in his lapel. When he appears 
in public to speak, a large crucifix is 
installed on the wall near him. 

Recently, however, Walesa has become 
considerably more moderate and con- 
ciliatory and has taken a softer line on 
strikes. “Let us stick to what we have 
already achieved for the lime being. 
Otherwise, we might lose everything,” 
he told a group of workers who threat- 
ened another strike. “There is a danger 
that they might reply with tanks and 
rockets,” he added, with no need to 
state who “they” were. 

In negotiations with Polish officials, 
Walesa is known as а bargainer who 
speaks softly but carries enormous clout. 
In addition to fighting for free trade 
unions, һе has managed to gel govern- 
ment concessions for increased wages, 
less media censorship and even radio 
broadcasts of Sunday Mass. He is always 


PHOTOGRAPHY EY CHRIS NIEDENTHAL /BLACK STAR 
“We cannot overthrow the [Communist] 
Party, for that would be a disaster for all 
of us. Do you think that without the 
party I wouldn't push myself for presi 
dent? We'd all shoot each other down!” 


PLAYBOY 


62 


careful to deny that he is “antisocialist,” 
insisting that he is a union man out to 
better the lot of the worker. Bringing 
down the government is not his aim, he 
maintains. 

At the age of 39, Walesa seems an 
unlikely figure to be articulating a coun- 
try's unhappiness with its rulers. AL 
though he has been active in union 
activity in Poland since 1970, he seems 
to have come out of nowhere. The son 
of a carpenter, Walesa is an electrician 
by trade, who happened to be working 
at the Gdańsk shipyard in 1970 when 
bloody riots over the high price of food 
erupled and at least 45 people were 
killed. Six years later, he was fired from 
his job at the shipyard for protesting too 
vigorously that the government hadn't 
made good on concessions granted to 
workers after the rioling. 1t was not the 
last job he was to lose for his labor 
activities, 

However, by 1978, a Polish Pope had 
been installed in the Vatican and the 
climate seemed better for Walesa's ideas. 
He was instrumental in the formation 
of a small free trade union on the Baltic 
Coast, and by 1980, another government 
decision that raised food prices led to 
another protest at the same Gdańsk ship- 
yard and Walesa’s climb to fame. 

In private, Walesa strikes yet another 
balance between simple living and the 
accouterments of power that have fallen 
to him. Critics say he has become a 
demagog, interrupting others to voice 
his opinions and expecting them to be 
followed. The trappings of celebrity 
have piled up. He often travels by gov- 
ernment-supplied helicopter, and a pipe 
or a cigarette, symbol of hard-to-get tobac- 
co in Poland, is ever present in his hand. 
He and his wife of 12 years, Miroslawa, 
and their six children have moved to a 
sixroom apartment from their former 
two-room flat, and Walesa's wardrobe 
now includes four suits in addition to 
the wrinkled one he invariably wore 
only a year ago. His salary is now $333 
per month, about average for a shipyard 
worker in Poland, and it is drawn from 
the Solidarity union he has been instru- 
mental in founding. 

If his own personal life seems relative- 
ly sound, he is deliberately vague about 
where he intends to lead his country. He 
once told an interviewer that he had a 
vision for what he wanted Poland to 
become; but when asked to describe it, 
he replied, “Not in an interview.” Even 
though he is a man of very little formal 
education, he has surrounded himself 
with some of the ablest advisors in 
Poland. With food shortages seeming to 
bring Poland to the very brink of catas- 
trophe in recent weeks, Walesa is being 
put to perhaps his severest test yet. So 
far, he has managed to strike a balance 
between the hard-line radicals who want 
more reforms faster and the Russians 


who may be becoming increasingly 
restless. 

To obtain an interview with one of 
the most significant figures in postwar 
Europe, PIAYROY sent Ania and Krysia 
Bittenek lo Warsaw in October. The 
sisters are American journalists of Polish 
extraction (both speak fluent Polish) 
who have had extensive contacts with 
Solidarity officials in the past tumultu- 
ous year. 

The sisters first oblained a commit- 
ment for an in-depth interview from 
Solidariby's press spokesmen. But when 
they arrived in Warsaw, the confusion 
surrounding daily wildcat strikes, food 
shortages and a totally disorganized 
bureaucracy resulted in a wait of almost 
three weeks before they finally met 
Walesa. 

Ushered abruptly into his presence at 
the drab union headquarters in Warsaw, 
the Bitteneks were told they would have 
only ten minutes with an obviously tired 
Walesa. As he sat down to speak, at least 
two, and sometimes four men, variously 
introduced as aides or bodyguards, were 
in nervous attendance. Walesa, despite 
his fatigue, seemed the most convivial 
person in the room. 


“This revolt is not a 
challenge to the Soviets but 
to ourselves. We are 
responsible for this mess.” 


The questions asked by the Bittencks 
were evidently provocative enough to 
Walesa that the “ten minutes” stretched 
to more than an hour, during which 
many topics, both light and serious, were 
covered. The journalists had other ques- 
tions to ask and pressed Walesa hard for 
more interview sessions. But time was 
precious because the Solidarity Congress 
was in progress, and the pressure was 
increased by an announcement that 
Walesa would meet with Prime Minister 
Wojciech Jaruzelski and Archbishop 
Jozef Glemp, the first such three-way 
political summit іп Poland's history. 
The days of waiting for a follow-up inter- 
view session stretched into we until 
it became clear that there was no assur- 
ance Walesa would see the pLaywoy re- 
porters again before the end of the year. 

A look at the first session's dialog, 
however, as transmitted to PLAYBOY'S 
New York office by telex, was enough 
lo convince us that what we received 
was worthy of publication. It more than 
makes up for its brevity by being a тате 
and revealing look at а тап under near- 
ly impossible pressure; the often-frantic 
quality of the conversation and the 
abrupt switches to dark humor and folk- 


tale parables add up to a portrait of a 
man we have not seen depicted else- 
where. 

Interestingly, the transmission of the 
text of the interview was halted when 
one of Walesa's translated answers dealt 
with the actions of the police in Poland. 
It picked up shortly thereafter, pre- 
sumably after censors had reassured 
themselves as to the nature of Walesa's 
remarks, 


PLAYBOY: We've been w lg nearly 
three weeks to speak with you. Obvi- 
ously, you've had many important things 
to do, but other journalists have been in 
and out. Do you have a problem with 
PLAYBOY? 


magazine, I just don't have time. For 
now, I'm giving you ten minutes because 
you have been persistent. I am so tired, 
both physically and psychologically, that 
I want you to finally give me some 
peace. I'm giving you your ten minutes, 
so take advantage of them. You've al- 
ready spent two minutes. Such is life. I 
can't satisfy everyone. 
PLAYBOY: Then it 
against—— 

WALESA: Who told you that? 

PLAYBOY: One of the men in your press 
office. 

WALESA: Jezus, the man is crazy. You can 
tell him I said so. I have never had a 
bias against anyone. You've now spent 
almost three minutes. 

PLAYBOY: "n more minutes is certainly 
not what we came to Poland for, nor 
what your people promised us, but we'll 
do what we can. 

watesa: Look, please understand, today 
I have a more important goal. I respect 
you. After all, the press made a star out 
of me. That makes me happy. I owe you 
a lot. Without you, I would be nothing, 
it’s true. But 1 have my main priority. 
Now you've used up four minutes. 
PLAYBOY: Here's our first question. Do 


wasn't a bias 


ht, I take it all back! You 
can start over with ten full minutes. 
Let's see what will happen. 

PLAYBOY: Fine. You're an interesting. 
breed of political leader. You are at the 
head of a democratic process, which is 
new for Poland, but some of your tac 
are those of a dictator. Do you consider 
yourself something of a benign dictator? 
WALESA: No, I'm a democratic dictator. 
PLAYBOY: What does that mean? 

WALESA: Well, I know that I ascertain 
our goals in а democratic way: We agree 
on a framework together. But the reali- 
zalion of this framework, of these goals, 
is my business. I handle them in a dicta- 
torial way. Do we understand each other? 
PLAYBOY: Do you establish any restraints 
for yourself? Do you just bludgeon those 
in your way? 

WALESA: No, I do not wage war, I do not 


CONFUSED? 


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how can you be sure 
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choice? It could take 
the world's largest jeweler to clear 
up the confusion. 

Well, the world’s largest 


jeweler is Zales. am 
And if anyone - 
can set your dem 

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diamonds, we can. 


з» 


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PELS 
tato 

= c» 


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Here's another 
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may still be 


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Butat least you know 
where to buy it. 


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THE DIAMOND STORE 


IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW. 


PLAYBOY 


64 


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conduct some great battle. For the time 
being, I do not shoot to get things done 
I select my advisors. I rely on them. I 
use tricks, devices in order to accomplish 
the tasks I am given 

PLAYBOY: Given the fact that you estab- 
lished this framework of Solidarity a 
year ago, why has it taken so long to 
realize your goals? 

WALESA: Come on. This is a movement 
that is 10,000,000 strong. You must real 
ize what our geographical and political 
position is. You realize where we are. 
PLAYBOY: All right. but that’s true only 
as far as tactics go. We'll keep it general 
and ask you simply: What is your goal? 
WALESA: My goal: for Poland to be 
Poland. 

PLAYBOY: Meaning what? 

WALESA: Meaning that Poland will be 
Poland when we shall speak what we 
think. We shall be richer than the Yanks, 
for instance. Because we can be. We are 
no stupider than you. Certainly not. We 
just live in a country that brou 
with different social models to follow. 
So we had to assume different attitudes 
We learned despite our models, so that 
is why we are actually stronger, better 
off than you are, Still, one has to make 
the most out of what one is given. 
Whether we will or will not is a ques- 
tion. But I think we will 

PLAYBOY: How 
kind of prosperity, and especially that 
s long as Poland is 


ht us up 


can you hope for that 


kind of freedom. 
part of the Soviet bloc 

WALESA: We have attained one treme 
dous accomplishment: In the past yea 
we have survived. This is the greatest 
accomplishment of all. We survived for 
a year. This year we also showed them 
our hand, our aims, our goals. We sig- 
naled to them what we wanted. Next 
year, after this [Solidarity workers'] con- 
gress, we should begin to realize those 
aims. Then we shall be able 
sue the dream of this Poland that we 


о pur 


have imagined 

I see two Polands: I see the one we 
dream of and, at the same time. I see 
the present Poland, beset with difficul- 
ties. I sce the games cach side plays, I 
see the variants of those games. But I 
am—we are—capable of winning every 
single variant of every game! I know, it 
sounds like phenomenal conceit [laughs], 


but there you are, 
PLAYBOY: Given the pressures on you, 
how, specifically, do you intend to ac 
complish even a few of those goals? 
WALESA: If I were to tell you that 
[An aide interrupts.) 
AIDE: Don't reveal your tactic 
WALESA: I would help those who don't 
wish us well. So I won't do it. 
PLAYBOY: All right, we'll go back to more 
general themes. You say you have a 
dream of what your ideal Poland would 
be. Can you describe it? What would 
your Poland be like? 


WALESA: Independent, self-governing. 
[An aide again interrupts.] 
AIDE: Self-financing! 
WALESA: A Poland in which one can 
speak, one can write, which one can 
leave, to which one can come. 
PLAYBOY: In which military or trade 
agreements are made by [ree choice? 
WALESA: No, no! The military docs not 
concern us at all! We want to fight with 
the same weapons we are using now 
With those weapons we cin smash tanks, 
cannons, neutron bombs. And smash 
them we will! 
PLAYBOY: For all your rhetoric, Poland is 
a shambles as we speak. What are your 
specific ideas for rebuilding the country 
economically? 
WALESA: You must realize one thing: 1 
lead this movement and my main task is 
to keep the movement together. We may 
quarrel and fight, but we must stand 
together. It is my job to keep it tight 
and strong. But I am not the alpha and 
the omega, the be-all and end-all. Specific 
problems will be solved by those I lean 
advisors, ех 


on, people who are wis 
perts, people who really have something 
to say. I must choose the best ideas aft 
discussing them in a democratic manne 
Specific problems will be solved by 
people in specific fields; for example, 
education, commerce. foreign trade. 1 
would be some sort of peasant philos 
opher if I were to take all that on my 
self. 1 know nothing of such things. All 
I know is that Poland must be different 
from what it is today, based on sound 
laws and principles of profit. It is this I 
will squeeze out of the groups whose 
task it is to think about these thing 
PLAYBOY: Are you afraid that despite 
your popular support, people will get 
tired of this struggle? After all, it's been 
more than a year and from a practical 
standpoint. things have gotten worse in 
Poland 

WALESA: Опе can get tired of many 
things. Even making love can tire you. 
So you should make an effort to concen- 
trate on things that are both pleasure- 
giving and useful. Work can also be love, 
you know 

PLAYBOY: As it should be- 
WALESA: And vice v 
nothing but work. [Laughs heartily] 
PLAYBOY: We were in Poland last year 
and one of the things that have struck 
us most during this visit is that people 
оп the street have stopped being afraid. 
Do you agree with that? 

WALESA: Let me reflect on that. 1 
once heard about some kind of sea ani- 
mal that commits suicide by swimming 
right up on the beach. I have this dread 
that it might be that we are doing a 
similar thing. You cannot just disregard 
realities and become happy and euphoric 
without wondering if it all might be 
wrong, this euphoria. And it would be 
wagic if it turned out that way. 


sa. Love can be 


But, at the same time, уез, we are ло! 
а soul. It is not 
B 


afraid. Because we hav 
a soul so much in the religious sense 
in the spiritual sense. We have a goa 
We know that man does not live by 
bread alone, that he's not automatically 
content when he's well fed and he has a 
lot of dollars. We know, somehow, that 
inner satisfaction is worth morc, that 
there is nothing to be afraid of. We 
shall all go one day, anyway. You know, 
we have something that you people have 
less of. You have some of it, but not 
much 

PLAYBOY: And so you are afraid of no 
one? 

WALESA: No, ol no onc, 
God alone. I believe that. 

PLAYBOY: Then, is it fair to say that since 
the formation of Solidarity, the threat is 
larger but the intimidation smaller? 
WALESA: Let me put it differently. Some- 
опе could say that because Christ was 
crucified, it means he lost. He lost be- 
cause he was crucified. But he's been 
winning lor 2000 years. The fact that I 
lose today because someone breaks my 
jaw. or hangs me, does not mean I lost 
It only means I lost physically, as a man 
But the idea, whatever happens later, 
may prove to be a greater victory. 

I can say that our victory is certain 
Certain! I do not know how long it will 
take or how high the price will be, but 
we shall smash a few things over in your 
country. Because this is nearly the 2st 
Century. and we can no longer think in 
the same old terms. Even you still think 
in such terms—threats, tanks, one work- 
er killing another worker. If small things 
go my way, in 50 years I am convinced 
that someone could order us: Fight with 
this woman soldi But we will kiss. 
PLAYBOY: How would you like to be re- 
membered? What would you like school 
children to read about in history books? 
WALESA: It would be best if they left me 
alone, if they did not bring flowers to 
my grave. For it would all be artificial. 
Someone would have ordered the school 
children to be there, someone would 
have proclaimed it Walesa Day or some: 
thing. The person brings flowers because 
he was told to, because someone praised 
me. when, in reality. the person never 
really knows whether 1 deserved the 
praise. No one ever got to know a man 
to his very depths and no one ever will 
PLAYBOY: You seem to have an ambiv- 
alent opinion of yourself. How do you 
leader? Are you a 
prophet? An accident? 

WALESA: I sec myself as а very unhappy 
man, A very unhappy man whom fate 
with some help from me—has thrown 
into this position ol leadership. 1 fell 
into it and only then looked around 
Leadership seemed 

lating—until I saw wh 


of nothing. Of 


see yourself as 


nteresting, stimu: 


goes on behind 
the scenes, Once I learned all of that, 1 
didn't like it at all. But, at the same 


RONRICO 


The taste that 
could start a 
gold rush. 


PLAYBOY 


66 


time, I cannot get out of it. Tt would 
look bad and be wrong. If someone were 
to throw me out, I would thank him 
personally. When I am absolved of re- 
sponsibility, I shall be a happy man. I 
would live differently. 

PLAYBOY: What would you do? 

WALESA: Fish, write books. I'd write 
books and earn money. E lot of 
money. Sce other countries, travel all 
over the world in a big bus with a bath- 
room and everything. I'd like to hive a 
lot of money, because now I canTi—no, 
Im not interested in money! Га write, 
fish, travel, sight-see, make love, and so 
forth. 


Yow'say you'd write books, but 
y "t read much, do you? 
WALESA: I'd like to, but I don't have the 
time. 
PLAYBOY: It’s been rumored that you've 
never read a book; is that true? 
WALESA: No, it’s not true. For instance, I 
did read my primer in kindergarten. 
[His aides laugh] 
PLAYBOY: We'd better get back to our 
political questions, 
WALESA: We are way over your ten min 
utes, but you are so nice I shall talk to 
you some more. 
PLAYBOY: You're pretty charming yourself. 
WALESA: Of course I am. [Laughs] 
PLAYBOY: Putting aside the daily head- 
ез, do you think you could put your 
revolt into a historical context? 
WALESA: Well, some say that the history 
of the world turns in circles. I find tl 
to be a bit so, a bit not so. People and 
conditions are different. If someone 
wanted to speak generally, he would in- 
sist that history turns in circles, but we 
are diflerent because our grandmothers 
were different. 
PLAYBOY: In what way? 
walesa: Oh, come on. They were differ- 
ent from us because we have travel and 
communications that let us get any- 
where, hear anything, in a flash. But we 
still don't communicate or get there on 
time. Our grandmother could climb into 
a horse and buggy. make her trip and 
still find time for fun. We take a plane 
and are late. 
PLAYBOY: We meant what differences 
were there with regard to your being 
Polish? Is there something about the 
Polish experience specifically that affects 
this period of history? 
WALESA: As Poles? I answered that ind 
rectly already. From bad examples we 
learned good things. Therefore, we are 
wiser than you, because you learned 
good things from good examples, We 
had a bad school in which to learn, but 
from ideology alicn to us, we learned a 
new and splendid ideology. 

Poles are best at everything! Although 
I don't know history, for I didn't study— 
as you may have noticed. I don't know 
my dates, and so оп—1 do know one 


thing: The system that was put into 
place here is as if you took someone to 
a place where it was very hot and 
dressed him in a heavy sheepskin. Po- 
nd was always a rather free country. 
То a large extent, we are democratic. 
We hobnobbed with France, England, 
America and others. All of a sudden, we 
were ordered to love something else. We 
have freedom, justice, and so forth, in 
our blood and no one can hold us cap- 
tive! Many a time we paid an awful lot, 
After all those payments that have been 
ade, now we have figured out some- 
thing so as not to pay this time. 

PLAYBOY: We read somewhere that you 
had the worst marks in school in history; 
now, here you are, creating history your- 
self, Doesn't it frighten you to be play- 
ing at these high stakes with your 
limited background? 

WALESA: No. You have to look me 
from a different standpoint. I was very 
gifted until the seventh grade—damn 
gifted! I just glanced at the material and 
learned it. But as more and more mate- 
rial piled up, I felt less and less li 
opening the books. 1 was always intei 
ested in something else: nof in what was 
assigned to me, but whatever / wanted 
10 learn. I always reached the same goals 
in a different way. But later І felt too 
proud to return—I had driven myself 
into a corner. So it isn't good to be too 
gifted, because you lose certain normal 
opportunities to get ahead. But I would 
sull say it is better to һе a bcc tha 
knows it has the ability to collect honey 
but does not rush immediately for the 
big bechive, where it can fall in and get 
stuck. 

PLAYBOY: hats interesting, but it 
doesn't answer our question: How much 
do you trust yourself and your abilities 
as you make these historical decisions? 
WALESA: І don't trust myself at all, that 
is the truth. Im never convinced com- 
pletely that what I'm doing is right. 
Everything can be turned around, What 
we imagine today to be exactly right, in 
50 years people might say: What fools 
they were! Why did they do such and 
such? They could have done it different- 
ly! They didn't realize that the situation 
was favorable toward them. We punch 
someone in the jaw today and later on 
someone will say: D. it, they were 
irresponsible! They could have gotten 
their way quietly. They could have made 
gains more slowly, less violently. You 
cannot say that this ts the way or this 
isn't the way. You cannot! What seems 
right today, tomorrow may prove wrong. 
It’s like with some writers: Some book 
is dismissed today, and later they dig it 
up. Jezus and Maria, how wise it is now! 
Why was that book ever banned or 
burned? 

PLAYBOY: Do you think one of your books 
might meet that fate? 


WALESA: Me? I don't know how to write. 
PLAYBOY: What about all those books 
you're going to write when you retire? 
WALESA: Who? Me? ГЇЇ talk the way I'm 
talking now. ГЇЇ say to someone, "Listen, 
write this down.” And out of it should 
come a book. But not a boring one. It 
has to be interesting. It has to overturn 
the old theories, And. at the same time, 
describe them, restore them in order to 


overturn them. Ha! Such exactly is life— 
strange and paradoxical 

[An aide again interrupts] 
AIDE: You people asking about educa- 


tion and such cannot go beyond a cer- 
tain viewpoint— 
WALESA: No, no. They cannot leave their 
circle. 
PLAYBOY: Our editor wanted us to ask 
about your personal background: 
AIDE: People from the West, in general, 
think this way. 
WALESA: Exactly—and, again, even this 
editor, who has more learning, more 
letters in his head than Т do, who should 
know more, even he knows nothing. 
Practically nothing. Let your people fi- 
nally understand that we Poles really 
have a damned good education—histori- 
cal and otherwise. We are all doctors! 
t least, I'm already a doctor many 
times over [honorary university degrees]. 
AIDE: He has six doctorates! 
WALESA: Exactly. And J ma 
[Laughs] 
ANOTHER AIDE: Seven! Already seven! 
PLAYBOY: For a man with a lot of weight 
on his shoulders, you obviously stay re- 
laxed. How do you do it? 
WALESA: T collapsed an hour ago, slept 
for an hour and now I am relaxed. But 
in another hour, FI collapse again. I'll 
alk with vou a while longer, but then 
I'll he finished. I put everything into 
these elio 
PLAYBOY: Have you studied the labor 
movement in the U. S. and in the West 
generally? And. if so, what are the major 
structural differences with Solidarity? 
WALESA: T am a spy of life. I spy on 
everything. I study all. Whenever I have 
ime for it, of course. w, I don't de- 
liberate on American trade unions, be- 
cause I can more or less deduce what 
they are like. Since. America is a capi- 
alist state, its interests are different; 
therefore, the unions are different. Some 
adhere to one party, others to another, 
still others say everyone else is doing 
things the wrong way. So I can imagine 
how and what things over thei 
And I shall probably be right. provided 
I think logically: Take the conditions 
that they have, see the limits they have, 
who is in charge, what's at his disposal, 
etc. So T can imagine it all. provided 
that I concede it is a country with a dif- 
ferent system of government. 
PLAYBOY: Of course, but does that knowl- 
edge about unions in the West help you 


ke mistakes. 


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PLAYBOY 


70 


in any way work out the Polish model? 
WALESA: It helps me avoid the mistakes 
that Western unions—in my opinion— 
make. 

PLAYBOY: What are some of those mis- 
takes? 

WALESA: The American model cannot be 
irectly compared with ours. Here we 
have one party, a monopoly in govern- 
ment, in administration, money, in 
everything. In the United States. it 
somewhat different, as it is in all other 
capitalist countries. so their models do 
not apply to us. 

PLAYBOY. You don’t see any possibility 
of securing a multiparty system in Po- 
land, do you? 

WALESA: Рет ps differently, if we do 
not limit ourselves to names. A number 
of political parties? No. But it could 
be accomplished different here can 


һе a strong and vigorous organization 


of canary breeders, for example. who 


would be so strong, so beautifully effi 
t could rally people, close 


cient th. 
down stores. But it would not be poli 
cal by name. 

PLAYBOY: It would be a political force, 
in other words—— 

WALESA: Yes. That canary breeder 
union would publicize its views that its 
elections are wrong—because the canaries 
aren't participating in the elections, for 
example [the aides laugh|—and they 
will say, “Now, hold it, what sort of 
elections are these? Is this supposed 
be democracy?” Yes, indeed. So 
point is not in the words poli 
For as soon as it is a "political party 
immediately wants to take over the gov- 
ernment—or so they claim here. But our 
canary breeders, by forcing new elec- 
tions through publicity, do the same job. 
PLAYBOY: And you wouldn't want to have 
the job done in a more formal 
obviously political way? 


the 


mor 


WALESA: No, no. Why ba 


g vour head 
st the wall when you can take a 
hammer and smash it against the wall? 

PLAYBOY: We know this question may be 
loaded, but who or what is your bigger 
Poland—the party or the 


aga 


enemy in 
Russians? 
WALESA: Neither. The enemy, our most 
vicious enemies, are ourselves. That's the 
answer, We must understand one an- 
other better. We must stop being so sus- 
picious of one another. To trust one 
another and, trust 
nobody—this is a complex problem. So 
we are our own greatest threat. We 
threaten ourselves when we fight among 
one another for executive position, trip- 
ping over one another as we run for the 


at the same time, 


My, what 
do you see as your greatest roadblock: 
the internal Polish system or—— 

WALESA: | find no roadblocks, There is 
no obstacle that cannot be removed. 


Everything can be surmounted. every- 
thing can be conquered—everything! 
It only depends on your choice of weap- 
‘ons, your choice of means, on the degree 
to which you are blinded by rage. T 
used to make such damn blunders! That 
is, I used to act this way [looks pugna- 
cious and stubborn]: “What? No? Oh, 
no!” And I would get it straight on the 
jaw. Finally, L came to the conclusion 
that that wasn't the way. Since I Jost, it 
means I wasnt right. So now 1 turn it 
around and I think: Aha! E cannot de- 
feat you today. OK. bye. Lets try it {то 
another angle. And another. Then 
other still. And if I do not succeed, it 
means that I am not clever enough or 
am incapable of choosing the correct 
pons. 

To recapitulate: There are no obsta- 
cles that we cannot surmount. Of course, 
I don't mean such theoretical obstacles 


w 


as reaching Jupiter in one jump or 
bringing the sun down with a rake, по. 
Only the realistic obstacles, the ones 


that you meet in eva 
пот 


yday life, under 


conditions. 


PLAYBOY: These are certainly not normal 
conditions. Why do you think the Rus 


ns still allow you to carry оп? Alter 
all. for 36 years. things were done their 
way. and this is a very different situa 
tion for them. 

Because we outsmarted every- 
learned from their models. we 
are their students, and no teachei 
outsmart a good student. 

PLAYBOY. You mcam their tactics 
[Walesa and his aides laugh.] 


WALESA: That's right. 

PLAYBOY: Аз in the case of the farmers. 
perhaps? In Geneva, the Russians voted 
in or of а farmers’ trade n but 


later, in Poland, claimed that there 
ing a union of 
nple? 


no legal basis for for 
i farmers. Is that one e 
y tired now. 
[There is an interruption апа the 
question is nol answered. The interview 
resum 
PLAYBOY: There are other reasons, to be 
sure, but isn't the labor unrest аг least 
partially responsible for all the shortages 
and for inflation? 
WALESA: ОГ course it is. How could it 
be different? If I don't bake 
and later say, “Give me br 
illogical. A baker cannot logicall 


es later] 


cause there is no br 
yes. But, at the same 
to get to the root of why this bread di: 
appeared, or why it was badly managed 
or badly distributed. Т probl 
needs to be examined from several 
angles. We always hold that our work 
is wasted, destroyed, badly sold, etc. And 
in this, we see the main cause for the 
losses or shortages. We do not think it 
is because of how we work. We do not 


because, indeed, our work has been de- 
stroyed for many years—by building 
plants in the wrong places, by doing 
what was not necded. ctc. This went on 
for such a long time that today we w. 
to take care of these matters first. That 
way, we can get different results. Am T 
saying it right? Ves, I think so. 


PLAYBOY: This question could only come 
from a country with food surpluses, such 


as America. but if consumers in cities go 
on strike or won't pay higher meat 
hurt the farmers who 


ise the livestock? 
WALESA: No. You have to move in a real 
world. the one that we live in. But lets 
put it dilerently—in ten or 20 years, 
when we establish international contact 
when factories establish. contacts with 
other factories, and so forth, I don't 
rule out the possibility that we would 
eat American meat instead of Polish. Be- 
cause this or that manufacturer or proc 
essor will decide, No. they won't buy 
from Polish farmers, for they don't do 
it as cleanly or as well as the Americans. 
So the theoretical problem you raise is 
possible. but for the time being, there's 
no such dangei 
PLAYBOY: [his is a commonly heard criti- 
cism in the West: Walesa can get people 
to go on strike, but he can't get them 
to work. Why not 
walesa: No. no. no! As Гуе told you. 
everything can be done, I can do almost 
everything! However, in order to play 
the game, one needs cards. Take the 
Saturday ue, for example. 


"free y 
[The government required Poles to work 
on Saturdays. Solidarity successfully 
fought for revocation of the edict. И 
during talks with the government I had 
been given the cards 1 wanted—and Т 
did ask for them—the game could 

been much more interesting and strong. 
But I wasn't given them. T did say of- 


ficially: “Give me a card; I want to 
play. 
PLAYBOY: We don't understand—you 


mean if the union: 
WALESA: No, not the union, the govern- 
ment in this casc. I cannot be more ex- 
plicit. 1 needed cards, some cards that 
in the end we got anyway. But once 
again, the government partys pride 
wouldn't let them give us the cards just 
like that: "Here you are. You've got the 
beter of the government—once again.” 
The idea was not to give it to us. 


PLAYBOY: ng more freedom 
for the uni 
WALES: о... we'll enslave ourselves 


on our own. [Laughs] No, at that 
moment, we nceded the lollowing: to 
supervise the storehouses that the gov- 
ernment claimed were empty. We want 
ed to check th y. "Yes, indeed. 
"The storehouses are empty." What other 
nt? | wanted something 
can’t remember right now. . . . 

(concluded on page 162) 


and 


else, 1 


г; » 


WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PLAYBOY? 


Certainly not the sort who'd forget a day like Valentine's—PLAYBOY readers send 20 percent 
of the flowers wired to American women. So her roses bloom patiently on the table as they 
survey the snowscape. She knows he reads PLAYBOY, to keep up with its view of a kinetic 
culture and to marvel at its procession of fine women. She knows that soon they'll Y 
close their window on the world, to conceive a midwinter night's dream of their own. ik- 


when they 

scooped him 

=e oul of the 
Ki 18th century, 

| b hewasa 
EAS neglected 
musician. 

now, with a 

new audience 

for his music, 

he hoped to 

= become the 
SÍ most famous 

| b man in 
IAS the world 


ILLUSTRATION BY JOHN KURTZ 


== UT WHY Nor Mozart?” I 
said, shaking my head. 
“Schubert, even? Or you 
L—7 could have brought back 
Bix Beiderbecke, for Christ's sake, 
if you wanted to resurrect a great 
musiciar 
“Beiderbecke was jazz" Dave 
Leavis said. "I'm not interested in 
jazz. Nobody's interested in jazz 
except you.” 
“And people are still 
in Pergolesi?" 
“Tam. 
“Mozart would have been better 
publicity. You'll need more fund- 
ing sooner or later. You tell the 
world you've got Mozart sitting in 
the back room cranking out а new 
opera, you can write your own 
ticket. But what good is Pergolesi? 
Pergolesi’s totally forgotten. 
“Only by the proletariat, Sam. 
Besides, why give Mozart a second 
chance? Maybe he died young, but 
it wasn’t all that young, and he did 
his work, a ton of work. Gianni 
died at 26, you know. He might 
have been greater than Mozart if 


inni. Giovanni Battista. Per- 
golesi. He calls himself Gianni: 


73 


PLAYBOY 


74 


come meet him. 

“Mozart, Dave. You should have done 
Mozart." 

"Stop being an idiot,” Leavis said. 
"When you've met him, you'll know 1 
did the right thing. Mozart would have 
been a pain in the neck, anyway. The 
stories Гус heard about Mozart's pri- 
vate life would uncurl your wig. Come 
on with me." 

He led me down the long hallway from 
the office, past the hardware room and 
the timescoop cage to the air lock sepa- 
rating us from the semidetached motel 
unit out back where Gianni had been 
living since they scooped him. We halt- 
ed in the air lock to be sprayed. Leavis 
explained, “Infectious microorganisms 
have mutated a lot since the 18th Cen- 
tury. Until we've got his resistance levels 
higher, we're keeping him in a pretty 
sterile environment. When we first 
brought him back, he was vulnerable to 
anything—a case of the snifles would 
have killed him, most likely. Plus, he was 
a dying man when we got him, one lung 
lousy with t.b. and the other one going.” 

"Hey," I said. 

Leavis laughed. "You won't catch any- 
thing from him. It's in remission now, 
Sam. We didn't bring him back at colos- 
sal expense just to watch him die.” 

“The lock opened and we stepped into 
the monitoring vestibule, glittering like 
a movie set with bank upon bank of tele- 
metering instruments. The day nurse, 
Claudia, middle-aged, plump, was check- 
ing diagnostic readouts. “He's expecting 
you, Dr. Leavis," she said. "He's very 
frisky this morning.” 

“Frisky?” 

“Playful. You know.” 

Yes. Tacked to the door of Gianni's 
room was a card that hadn’t been there 
yesterday, flamboyantly lettered іп 
gaudy, free-flowing baroque script: 


GIOVANNI BATTISTA PERGOLESI 
Jesi, January 4, 1710—Pozuoli, 
March 16, 1736 
Genuis at Work!!! 

Please, Knock Before You Entering! 


1 asked. 
said. “We gave 


He speaks English 

“Now he does,” 
him tapeslcep the first week. He picks 
things up fast, anyway.” Leavis grinned. 
“Genius at work, eh? Or genuis. That's 
the sort of sign I would have expected 
Mozart to put up.” 
‘They're all alike, these talents,” I 
said. 

Leavis knocked. 

“Chi va la?” Gianni called. 

“Dave Leavis. 

“Avanti, dottore illustrissimo!" 

“I thought you said he speaks Eng- 
lish,” I murmured. 

“He's frisky today, Claudia said, re- 
member?” 


We went in. He had the blinds tightly 
drawn, shutting out the brilliant January 
sunlight, the yellow blaze of acacia blos- 
soms just outside the window, the 
enormous scarlet bougainvillaea, the 
sweeping hilltop vista of the valley and 
the mountains beyond. Maybe scenery 
didn't interest him—or, more likely, he 
preferred to keep his room a tightly 
sealed little cell, an island out of time, 
He had had to absorb a lot of psychic 
trauma in the past few weeks: It must 
give you a heli of a case of jet lag to 
jump two and a half centuries into the 
future. 

But he looked lively, almost impish— 
a small man, graceful, delicate, with 
sharp, busy eyes, quick, elegant gestures, 
a brisk, confident manner. When they 
fished him out of the 18th Century, 
Leavis had told me, he was a woeful 
sight, face lined and haggard, hair al- 
ready gray at 26, body gaunt, bowed, 
quivering. Пе looked like what he was, 
a shattered consumptive a couple of 
weeks from the grave. His hair was still 
gray, but he looked healthy and encr- 
getic and there was color in his cheeks. 

Leavis said, “Gianni, I want you to 
meet Sam Hoaglund. He's going to han- 
dle publicity and promotion for our 
project. Capisce? He will make you 
known to the world and give you a new 
audience for your musi 

He flashed a bri 
Listen to this.” 

The room was an electronic jungle, 
festooned with gadgetry: a synthesizer, a 
telescreen, a megabuck audio library, 
five sorts of data terminals and all man- 
ner of other things perfectly suited to 
your basic 18th Century Italian drawing 
room. Leavis had said there was some- 
thing scary about the speed with which 
he was mastering the equipment, and he 
was right. Gianni swung around to the 
synthesizer, jacked it into harpsichord 
mode and touched the keyboard. From 
the cloud of floating minispeakers came 
the opening theme of a sonata, lovely, 
lyrical, to my ear unmistakably 18th 
Century in its melodiousness, and yet 
somehow weird. For all its beauty, there 
was a strained, awkward, suspended as- 
pect to it, like a ballet performed by 
dancers in galoshes. The longer he 
played, the more uncomfortable I felt. 
Finally, he turned to us and said, “You 
like it?” 

‘What is it? Something of yours?” 

“Mine, yes. My new style. I am under 
the influence of Beethoven today. Haydn 
yesterday, tomorrow Chopin. I try every- 
thing, no? By Easter I get to the ugly 
composers, Mahler, Berg, Debussy—those 
men were crazy, do you know? Crazy 
music, so ugly. But I will learn.” 

“Debussy ugly?” I said quietly. 

“Bach is modern music to him,” Leavis 
said. “Haydn is the voice of the future.” 


ant smile. “Bene. 


Gianni said, “I will be very famous.” 

"Yes. Sam will make you the most 
famous man in the world.” 

“I was very famous after І died” 
He tapped one of the terminals. “I have 
read about me. I was so famous that 
everybody forged my music and it was 
published as Pergolesi, do you know 
that? I have played it, too, this "Pergo- 
lesi’ Merda, most of it. Not all. The 
concerti armonici, not bad—not mine, 
but not bad. Most of the rest, trash.” He 
winked. “But you will make me famous 
while I live, eh? Good. Very good.” He 
came closer to us and in a lower voice 
said, “Will you tell Claudia that the gon- 
orrhea, it is all cured?” 

“What?” 

“She would not believe me. 1 said, 
“The doctor swears it,” but she said, “No, 
it is not safe, you must keep your hands 
off me, you must keep everything else off 
me!" 

"Gianni, have you been molesting your 
nurse?" 

“I am becoming a healthy man, dot- 
tore. Lam no monk. They sent me to live 
with the cappuccini in the monastery at 
Pozzuoli, yes, but it was only so the good 
air there could heal my consumption, 
not to make me a monk. I am no monk 
now and I am no longer sick. Could you 
go without a woman for three hundred 
years?" He put his face close to mine, 
gave me а brighteyed stare, leered out- 
rageously. "You will make me very fa- 
mous. And then there will be women 
again, yes? And you must tell them that 
the gonorrhea, it is entirely cured. This 
age of miracle: 

Afterward, I said to Leavis, “And you 
thought Mozart was going to be too 
much trouble?” 


. 

Leavis said to me, back in his office, 
“He didn’t sound so cocky when we first 
got him. He was а wreck, hollow, burned 
out. He was barely alive. We wondered 
if we had waited too long to get him." I 
he had died, Leavis told me, the whole 
project would have been scrubbed, be 
cause they had no budget for making a 
second scoop. 

“Why did you pick someone who was 
nine tenths dead, then?" I wanted to 
know. 

Leavis said, “Too risky otherwise. You 
know, we could have yanked anybody w 
liked out of the past—Napoleon, Gen- 
ghis Khan, Henry VlII—but we had no 
way of knowing what effects it might 
have on the course of history. Suppose 
we scooped up Lenin while he was still 
i in Switzerland, or collected Hit- 
ler while he was still a paper hanger. So, 
from the start, we limited ourselves to 
scooping only somebody whose life and 
accomplishments were entirely behind 
him, somebody so closc to the time of his 
natural death that his disappearance 


“No rest for the wicked. . . ." 


PLAYBOY 


76 


wouldn't be likely to unsettle the fabric 
of the universe. 

“But why Pergolesi? He was your 
special choice, wasn't he? 

Leavis nodded. “I lobbied for months 
to scoop Pergolesi. Not just because 1 
happen to like his music, though 1 do. 
But because he was considered such a 
genius in his time and died before he 
had a chance to hit his real stride. 1 
wanted to sec what such a person could 
do, given a reprieve. 1 had my way, fi 
nally. We got him out eighteen days be- 
fore his official date of death. Once we 
had him, it was no great trick to substi- 
tute a synthetic cadaver, who was duly 
discovered and buried, and as far as we 
can tell, no calamities occurred in history 
because one consumptive Italian was put 
in his grave two weeks earlier than the 
encyclopedia used to say he had been.” 

“Did he understand what had hap- 
pened to him?” 

“Not a clue. He wasn't sure whether 
he had awakened in heaven or hell, but 
whichever it was, he was alternately 
stunned and depressed. When he was 
conscious at all. It was touch and go, 
keeping him alive. Those were the worst 
days of my life, Sam, the first few after 
the scooping. To have planned for years, 
to have expended so many gigabucks on 
the project, and then to have our first 
human scoopee die on us anyway 

He didn’t, though. The same vitality 
that had pulled 15 operas and a dozen 
cantatas and who knows how many 
symphonies and concertos and Masses 
out of him in a Jifespan of only 26 years 
pulled him back from the edge of the 
grave now, once the resources of modern 
medicine were put to work rebuilding 
his lungs and curing his assorted venereal 
diseases. Within days, Leavis told me, he 
had been wholly transformed. It must 
have been almost magical. I wish I had 
been part of the team in that phase. Yet 
there was no real magic in it, just anti- 
biotics, transplant technology, micro: 
surgery, regeneration therapy, routine 
stuff. One century's magic, another cen- 
tury's routine. 

Leavis spent those carly days wave 
between anxiety and ecstasy. Obviously, 
he had morc than just his scientific rep- 
utation riding on this. Dave has no kids 
of his own, and he's old enough to be 
Gianni's father. Some kind of relation- 
ship began to develop. Leavis was com- 
pletely involved in giving Gianni back 
his life—more than that, in giving him 
the life he should have had. He was hov- 
ering over Gianni, pulling for him, pray- 
ing for him, protecting him, mothering 
and fathering him, almost from the start. 

And there were other complexities. 
The pallid, feeble young man struggling 
for his life in the back unit was sur- 
rounded, for Leavis and other connois- 
seurs of music, with a radiant aura of 


accumulated fame and legend built up 
over centuries. He was Pergolesi, said 
Dave, the miraculous boy, the fountain 
of melody, the composer of the Stabat 
Mater and La Serva Padrona and a lot of 
other great things that I had never heard 
of but that the music buffs revered. 
Leavis told me that in the years just 
ed, for time, 
h. When they revived his comic 
operas in Paris 20 or 30 years after he 
died, they inspired а whole genre of light 
ht down to Gilbert and Sullivan 
and beyond. But all that fame was only 
in the eyes of the onlookers. Gianni's own 
view of himself was different: a weary, 
g young man, poor pathetic 
the failure, the washout, un- 
in his life beyond Rome and 


known 
Naples, getting no acclaim for any of 


his serious music, only the comic things 
that he dashed off so fast—poor Gianni, 
burned out at 25, destroyed as much 
by disappointment as by t.b. and V.D., 
creeping off to the Capuchin monas- 
tery to die in miserable poverty. How 
could he have known he was going to 
be famous? But we showed him. Leavis 
played him recordings of his music, 
both the true works and those that 
had been constructed in his name by the 
unscrupulous to cash in on his post- 
humous glory. He let Gianni see the 
biographies and critical studies and even 
the novels that had been published about 
him. I was surprised at how many there 
were. He was thrilled, of course. Indeed, 
for him it must have been precisely like 
dying and going to heaven, and from day 
to day he gained strength and poise, he 
waxed and flourished, he came to glow 
with vigor and passion and confidence. 
He knew now that no magic had been 
worked on him, that he had been 
snatched into the unimaginable future 
and restored to health. by ordinary hu- 
man beings, and he accepted that and 
quickly ceased to question it. All that 
concerned him now was music. In the 
second and third weeks, they gave him a 
crash course postBaroque mus 


history. Bach first, then the shift away 
from 


polyphony—‘Naturalmente,” he 
“it was inevitable, 1 would have 
achieved it myself if І had lived"—and 
he spent hours with Mozart and Haydn 
and Johann Christian Bach and entered 
a kind of ecstatic state. One morning, 
Leavis found him red-eyed with weeping. 
He had been up all night listening to 
Don Giovanni and The Marriage of 
Figaro. “This Mozart,” he said. “You 
bring him back, too? 

“Maybe someday we will,” Leavis said. 

"I kill him! You bring him back, 1 
strangle him, I trample him!" His eyes 
blazed. He laughed wildly. “He is won- 
der! He is angel! He is 100 good! Send 
me to his time, I kill him then! No one 


should compose like that! Except Pergo- 
lesi. He would have done 

“I believe that.” 

“Yes! This Figaro—1786—I could have 
done it twenty years earlier! Thirty! If 
only 1 get the chance. Why this Mozart 
so lucky? I he live—why? Why, 
dottore? 


. 

Leavis said to me, “You don't know 
much about classical music, do you, 
Sam?" 

І shrugged. "I can tell Bach from 
Tchaikovsky, if that's what you mean. 
But neither one really speaks to me. I 
guess I've always been mainly into pop. 
stuff. Is that all right with yo 

"Why notz But I want you to under- 
stand at least what kind of experience it 
was for me to see this great 18th Century 
composer discover everything that had 
happened alter him. Alter Mozart, he 
went to Beethoven, who I think was a 
little too much for him, overwhelming, 
massive, crushing. And then the roman- 
tics, who amused him.” Leavis imitated 
Gianni’s high-pitched voice: “ ‘Berlioz, 
, Wagner, all lunatics, de- 
but they are wonderful. 1 
think I sce what they are wyi 
Madmen! Marvelous | madmen!'—and 
quickly on to the 20th Century, Mahler, 
Schonberg, Stravinski, Bartok. 


He found them all ugly or terrifying 
or simply incomprehensibly bizarre. He 
couldn't see where they were coming 
from, you know. And the later compos- 
ers! Webern and the serialists, Pender- 
ескі, Stockhausen, Xenakis, Ligetim 

“Never heard of any of them. 
Im not surprised," said Leavis. 
"Gianni just turned up his nose and 
shrugged them off, as though he barely 
recognized what they were doing as mu- 
sic. Their fundamental assumptions were 
too alien to him. Genius though he was, 
he couldn't get a handle on their ide: 
any more than Escoffier could have en- 
joyed the cuisine of some other planct, 
you know? He finished his survey of 
modern music, and then he returned to 
Bach and Mozart and gave them his full 
attention." 

And it was full attention. Gianni was 
utterly incurious about the world outside 
his bedroom window. They told him he 
was in Amcrica, California, and 
showed him a map. He nodded casually. 
They turned on the telesacen and let 
him look at the landscape of the early 
21st Century. His eyes glazed. They 
spoke of automobiles, planes, flights to 
Mars. Yes, he said, meraviglioso, miraco- 
loso, and went back to the Brandenburg 
Concerti. “I realize now," Leavis said, 
“that the lack of interest he showed in 
the modern world was a sign neither of 
fear nor of shallowness but, rather, only 
(continued on page 94) 


"lady chaiterley’s lover," the story they thought 
could never be published, let alone filmed, comes to life with sylvia kristel 
as the lustful lady of the house 


AT LONG LAST LOVEN 


D. H. LAWRENCE himself was sure the novel he had just written 
would never be published. It was 1927. People did not speak 
the word sex aloud, much less use explicit language to describe 
the act. Even the story line went against all that was sacred: 
A nobleman's wife, denied the pleasures of marriage because 
her husband had been injured in the war, takes up with the 
gamekecper on her husband's estate. It was scandalous, im- 
moral, obscene and provocative. And Lawrence was right. No 
established publisher would touch it. Even though he pub- 
lished the novel at his own expense in 1928, it couldn't be sold 
legally. The world learned of Lady Chatterley's Lover mainly 
through two expurgated versions released, with his widow 


From her film debut in Emmanuelle (left) to her recent boxoffice 
success in Private Lessons, Sylvia Kristel hos seorched for the perfect 
role. Lody Chatterley, with her elegance and vulnerobility, may be й. 77 


SPECIAL PHOTOGRAPHY BY JUST JAECKIN 


= 
El 
E: 
= 
i 
E 
i 
3 


On these pages, scenes from the film—in 
which British actor Nicholos Cloy ploys the 
titular lover (far right, below)—plus exclusive 
partroits by Just Joeckin, who wos a fashion 


photegropher before he became a director. 


thorization, after Lawrence's death in I п 1960, that the famous Penguin edition 
of Lady Chatterley went to press, touching off what was to be a classic censorship trial. After much deliberation, the courts in 


England decided the book was not obscene and Lady Chatterley entered the common consciousness as a literary classic. Right 
up there with Henry Miller's Tropic of Cancer. 


(text continued on page 159) 


Above, Kristel in actian as the love-storved wife of an impotent nableman (played in the film by Shane Briant) who finds happiness in the 
arms of his gamekeeper, Mellors (Clay). The picture wos filmed at 4000-acre Wrotham Park, the $40,000,000 estate of the late Admiral 
John Byng north of London. Because her contract gave her a share of the film's profits, Kristel wos able to choose her awn director: Jaeckin, 
the man wha in 1972 plucked her from the stage where she won the Miss TV Europe contest and starred her in his film Emmanuelle. 


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WILD 
IN THE 


SEATS 


artide BY MARK KRAM 


ILLUSTRATION BY JOANN OALEY 


there’s a new breed of sports fan these days, and their 
hunger for violence is turning athletes from heroes to prey 


WITH THE SULLEN ASPECT of a blackjack, 
Sonny Liston sat amid the predawn 
drone of a Las Vegas casino. Six years 
had passed since the sorry loss of his 
heavyweight tile to the young Са: 
sius Clay in Miami Beach, five since he 
had fallen finally and pathetically to that 
“phantom punch” in their rematch in 
Maine. Sonny had been a labor goon 
and an ex-con of ferocious repute. He 
had a right hand that could crumple а 
cathedral pillar. The white public saw 
him as evil, a naked example of uncon- 
solable black hostility; to almost all, his 
second loss to Clay was nothing less than 
asymmetrical half gainer into the tank. 

“Sheceet, man," he said in Ve 
"there weren't no fix up in Maine. That 
phantom punch, it stun, that's all. I 
coulda got up. J just didn't want to. Clay 
and them Muslims were crazy. Like that 
nut I ran into in Texas. Who needed 
" Liston had been badly spooked by 
the crowds at their Miami fight, by 
threats from the Muslims and by his own 
certainty that Clay was certifiably mad; 
but it was a stranger, a white Texas 
fight fan, who had once struck the terror 
in him that softened his predatory na- 
ture and made him feel vulnerable for 
the first time in his life. 

It had happened in 1960, on a night 
1 made quick and brutal work 
ite Texas heavyweight named Roy 
n' Shoot" Harris. Sonny had 
celebrated late after the fight, returned 
to the empty lobby of his Texas hotel 
and lounged into a half-nod and boozy 
reverie. Heavy sleep was near when he 
suddenly heard the creak of boot leather 
behind his саг. He began to turn and a 
voice said, “Don't turn aroun’, nigger.” 

Sonny started to turn and heard the 
clicking of a large gun behind his car, 
felt its end up against the back of his 
head. “What you want, тап?” he asked. 
"I got a couple hundred. That what you 
want?” 

The man drawled, “You made a fool 
out of Roy in there tonight. Ohhhh, 
you're a bad nigger, aren't you?” 
ust a fight, man,” Sonny said. “Me 
or him. No more 'n that.” 


“I got one bullet in this here Colt. I'm 
gonna pull this trigger till you tell me 
to stop." 

Sonny sai 
crazy.” 

“I stop." the man said, "^ 


"I ain't done nuthin’. You 


hen you tell 


me you're a no. good. yeller nigger.” 

“Shee-eet,” Sonny smiled nervously. 
“Git lost. You ain't got no bullet in 
there.” 


A metallic crash split the silence. 
Sonny flinched from the sound in his 
ear. “Now,” the man said excitedly, “just 
say you're a no-good, yeller nigger 

“Fuck you,” Sonny said, hoping some- 
опе would come through the door. Once 
more the sound of metal. The sweat 
popped on Sonny's 

“You scared, nigger?” the man laughed. 
“Lets” 

“Wait!” Sonny yelled. He hesitated, 
then blurted, “I'm a no-good nigger.” 

A yeller nigger. Say it!” 

“Yeah, a yeller опе,” Sonny said. He 
listened. He heard the Colt being un- 
cocked, then only the heavy breathing of 
the man and himself. 

“Don't turn aroun',” the man warned, 
and slowly the creak of leather moved 
off from behind the soon-to-be heavy- 
weight champion of the world. 

Now, so many y . Liston ended 
his story in Vegas. “I've heard that creak 
ever since. I was on my way to be 
finished before I got to Clay in Miami. 
It took only Clay's wild monologs and 
lurking Muslims to drive him over the 
edge. 

“Folks ‘re violent,” Sonny said. “It got 
to be a torture for me . . . bein’ public. 
Like bein' the only chicken in a bag full 
of cats" Soon айет—оп another Las 
Vegas morning in the early Seventies— 
Sonny Liston was found dead, with 
heroin in his body that some believed 
he did not inject himself. 

. 

Poor Sonny; for all the sinister Mus- 
lims and white racists back then, who 
would have believed his Texas story on 
thatodd morning in Vegas? But now the 
image of a cocked Colt playing Russian 
roulette with his head does not seem as 


83 


PLAYBOY 


84 


stark and bizarre anymore. He'd finally 
have a jury on his side for a chang 
psychiatrists, sociologists, social critics 
and many athletes in every sport. They 
ınight now bear witness to his credibility 
in this age ol celebricide and growing 
fan violence, and they might understand 
his [ear of “bein’ public.” That isolation, 
the fear of the crowd and the vagrant 
psychotic, the sense that grievous bodily 
harm—even death by random and cal- 
culated violence—is now 2 matter of 
i t to the world's modern athlete. 
in 1975, few wanted to accept 
y theme of Rollerball, the movic 
by William Harrison and di- 


written 
rected by Norman Jewison. The futuristic 


sport in the film combined elements of 
roller derby and the Roman circus cast 
in a high-tech environment. The new 
game thrived on the violent nature of 
humanity and a world corporate state. 
The critics gave it the back of their 
hand: too absurd, too pretentious and 
laughable. Seven years later, those de- 
scriptions scem glib and myopic. Today's 
sports subculture—the crowds, players 
and owners—is making Rollerball a 
movie of authentic vision. 

Dread of peripheral violence now per- 
meates every stadium and major sport in 
the world. A ride on a New York subway 
is a breeze comparcd with going to a 
hockey game, standing at ringside after 
a fight and an "unfair" decision, or 
leaving Yankee Stadium after а game, 
where the prospect is likely that you will 
get a beer keg rolled down on your head 
or lose some teeth to marauding gangs. 

But the American problem is still 
not the equal of South America’s, where 
moats separate the fans from the field. 
Or go to England—long admired for its 
manners and civilizing influence—and 
take a position on one of its gloomy 
soccer terraces (no seats, just high 
ramps), where the hobbies always frisk 
the Clockwork Orange gangs and find an 
arenal of pliers, hammers, switchblades 
and vegetable knives. The problem has 
even penetrated the command-oriented 
society of West Germany, where guard 
dogs surround the field, high wire 
fences separate the fans ol cach team 
and police stare into electronic ap- 
paratus that monitors the crowd. The 
conditions for violence in those coun- 
tries усет to be primed by the fans” 
custom of traveling cn masse—with 
their own colors in headgear and their 
carefully sculpted territorial hates—from 
city to city with their team: 

The climate in the United States is 
more incendiary and less organized. The 
country is too large, the leagues too 
awling for huge migrations ol home- 
fans, and the glut of teams seems 
to dilute emotion rather than fucl it. 
Even so, there have been some memo- 


rable incidents of crowds here running 
amuck. Think back to the scary out- 
break at a baseball game on Dime Beer 
Night in Cleveland, for instance, or to 
the Eastern-St. John's high school foot- 
ball game in 1962, which erupted into 
close combat, leaving 500 injured, with 
13 broken noses, 16 knife wounds and 
54 serious head injuries. Then there was 
the Foxboro riot in 1976 alter a New 
England Patriots game: quality of 
infamy was notable for the scene of a 
few slobs urinating on а heartattack 
ictim who was waiting to be loaded 
into an ambulance. Foxboro continues 
to stand out as an actuarial nightmare 
for the N.F.L., but other cities seem in- 
tent on blurring its dreary relief. During 
this season's first five Monday Night 
Football games, more than 100 fans were 
arrested, mostly on assault-and-battery 
charges stemming from confrontations 
with security guards; on two occasions, a 
Knife and a bascball bat were used. 

Fan violence is not a new horror. 
It was called rowdy behavior back 
when Ty Cobb worried about being 
lynched during barnstorming tours, or 
when George Halas was giving birth to 
pro football. But it is new because of its 
spiraling frequency, its character and 
its constantly darkening presence during 
a time when people talk about space 
shuttles, envision miracle drugs that will 
let them live to be 100 and generally 
want to believe that the baser primitive 
instincts have been leached out of the 
human system. 

A quaint notion, of course. Ignoring 
the debris from what we do to one 
another on the world stage as nations, 
the past two decades have seen a nasty 
rise in fan violence. If the full-scale 
sports riot is still not commonplace in 
America, the symptoms of fan unrest 
and the will for violent engagement 
are all too clear to sports officials: 
disruptive field invasions by packs of 
fans who are cheered by the rest of the 
crowd; the throwing of darts ball 
bearings and hot pennies onto hockey 
ice; the abusive language that has 
nothing to do with a player's game; 
the assaults and death threats on more 
athletes than ever before. On and on it 
goes; the rap sheet on fan violence 
could fill an archive. 

These signs have motivated. precau- 
tions. Dime Beer Night has gone the 
way of the free lunch. The San Diego 
Chicken—and others like him—is an act 
that is intended to entertain, to distract 
and defuse volatile emotion. Go to Co- 
miskey Park in Chicago—known along 
with Fenway Park lor its vicious, sudden 
brawls in the stands—and you're likely 
to be searched when entering the gates. 
Then there is the recent addition of the 
Plexiglas backboard in hockey rinks to 


keep fans from players in the penalty 
box—a step that has led some to suggest, 
in the vein of the futurist, that sports 
will soon be played under special bullet- 
proof domes, When guard dogs were 
used, in a disquieting show of force, to 
keep fans off the field during the 1980 
world series in Philadelphia, it inspired 
a good deal of dark humor: Today the 
dogs, tomorrow the lions. Amusing—un- 
til you look at the faces, listen to the 
crazed venom around you in a stadium 
or arena. 

Trying to capsulize the general mood 
of the sports crowd today, Los Angeles 
i Dr. Arnold Beisser says, 
“The old fan used to yell, “Kill the 
umpire!" The new fan tries to do it. 

“OF the seventeen thousand fans in 
said Fred Shero, then coach 
of the Philadelphia Flyers. "FH bet a 
thousand of them aren't all there. 
They let their emotions get to them. 
Some night a guy is going to come in 
here with a loaded gun.” The architect 
of the old and evil Flyers, Shero seems, 
over the past few months, to have be- 
come as prescient as Dr. Beisser: An 
attendant found a handgun under a seat 
Madison Square Garden after a recent. 
New York Knicks game and—like the 
last Apache—a [an with a blackjack in 
his pocket took a serious run at third- 
base umpire Mike Reilly during a 
Yankee playoff game last fall. So who's 
laughing? Not Don Meredith, former 
Dallas Cowboy quarterback and now a 
Monday Night Football announcer. 

“The whole psychology of crowds 
it's really wild," Meredith says. "You 
can get them turned one way or the 
other and you never really know what's 
going to happen. Maybe I'm exagge 
ing a little, but I occasionally do fear 
physical harm when we do those games. 

Collective madness by the crowd 
rattles the athlete, yet it is the 
silhouette of individual violence—on 
and off the field—that truly alarms. 
The atmosphere now isn’t the same as 
it was when the old and blustering 
bare-knuckle king John L. Sullivan used 
to go into а bar and roar: “I can lick 
any man in the world.” Today. if he 
didn't look up suddenly into the snout 
of a Saturday-night special, there would 
be no lack of defiance to his challenge, 
most likely in the form of a blind-side 
bar stool applied to his head. The 
modern athlete fears exposure as if 


he were naked on a Siberian tundra. 
They all know what Pete Gent, ex- 
Cowboy and author of the insightful 


North Dallas Forty, means when he t 
about the fear of being 
a hunting term used to describe prey 
when is in full view of its predators: 
all athletes have to deal with it. The 

(continued on page 88) 


a noted cartoonist shares his hobby—collecting cover girls 
from the era before the camera replaced the paintbrush 


RANCIS SMITH, better known as Smilby, is a fastidious and talented English cartoonist 
whose work has appeared in PLAYBOY for many years. When he is not at the drawing 
board, he is out collecting vintage cover girls. Playboy Press has recently published 
Stolen Sweets (named for a magazine of the Thirties), a loving look at Smilby's collection. 
Smilby writes, “The aim of this book is to share my interest and pleasure in the drawings of the 
cover girls of what, for want of a better name, one must call the girlie magazines of the first 
third of this century. For this was their heyday—the days from the turn of the century until the 
mid-Thirties, when photoprinting in color finally became technically good enough for the photo- 


The French invented l'amour, but Americans invented glamor. La Vie Parisienne was the original magazine for sophisticated men. 
Reel Humor, Spicy Stories and PEP! were cheap pulp spin-offs; Snappy was one of the few large-format magazines of the period. 


. These 
they wei 


place the drawing, 
lovely as the da 


gs are as fresh, 


vented glaimor—one of the two curiously opposed єз that 
she created and coi girlie world. Th st of 
these, the polished beauty, all flaws retouched, was the glam- 
orous, unattainable movie-star dream girl. And the second—the 
one so often revealed in this book—the cheerful, happy-go- 
lucky, fun-loving girl next door. . . . The fundamental difference 
between the French and the American in this genre can 
The sophisticated 
the great Ameri- 


Frenchwoman is c 
ion. the girl 

rls] positively 
mality. They swim, they dive, they rol 


glow with rosy-cheeked extroverted nor- 

skate, they throw balls 
and those 
get-up-and- 
ver reason, is at a high 
е cheap and vulgar can be lifted above 
m lift a t 10 a level where 
It is nice 
s 1o our roots. 


old American virtues—vim, vigor and 
When popular art, for м! 
level of achievement, 
itself. Good art 
some degree of critic 
for Smilby and for us—to be able to pay res] 


Bye, Bye, 
BIOLOGY 
br 


Girlie magazines in the Twenties and Thirties ran the gamut from PEP! and Frivolités to Movie Humor and Film Fun. The latter 
were filled with stills of such stars as Ginger Rogers and Joan Blondell, often in elegant undress, witty captions and two-line gags. 


|. Good Olde 
тез Sheer / 


THERES No 
STOPPING "Ep, 


The success of Film Fun spawned several imitators—among them Movie Merry-Go-Round—all centered on tales of Hollywood 
starlets. Silk Stocking Stories catered to the leg man. It was filled with photographs of curvaceous cuties, carefully posed for max- 
imum exposure of calves and shapely onkles. The Tattle Tales cover below is noteworthy for its tasteful, elegant nudity. 


PLAYBOY 


88 


WILD IN THE SEATS continued prom pages1) 


“A crowd is a device for indulging ourselves in tem- 
porary insanity by all going crazy together.” 


golfer Hubert Green knew the Гес 
when he received а death threat 
years ago at the U.S. Open. So did ten- 
nis star Bjorn Borg. Before his final 
match against John McEnroe at Forest 
Hills last summer, Borg got two death 
messages from the same caller. Ringed by 
detectives, he left the grounds later by a 
back stair well. 

Athletes handle exposure in various 
ways. Some become reclusive; others, 
such as Georgie Best, the English soccer 
star, Joe Namath and El Córdobes, the 
bullfighter, layer themselves with ex- 
pensive entourages. The most loved of 
them all, Muhammad Ali, even had his 
own mini security force that carried 
more armor than ап infantry patrol. And 
George Foreman seemed always like a 
bear pursued by a pack of wolves; 
finally, like a Florentine prince, he 
grew afraid of being poisoned and added 
a food taster to his inner circle. 

Look at the face of the Phillies’ Pete 
Rose as he stands in the middle of a 
screaming mob of autograph seekers. 
It is not the same joyous face that 
was there when he broke in back in 
1964, the face that remained for most 
of his career. Pugnacious and always 
infuriating to some fans, Rose has been 
shot in the neck with a paper clip 
("I bled for three innings") and once, 
after sliding into second base on Frisbee 
Night in Atlanta, looked up on his way 
back to the dugout and felt the fury 
and wild energy of a single collective 
will raining down on him—fortunately, 
in the form of “ten thousand Frisbe 
His face is worn now and his eyes are 
nervous, with a trace of flight in them 
as they scan the pack, the rolled-up 
newspapers and score cards. Rose can 
read; he knows how John Lennon got it. 

"You know what they say about 
sleeping dogs,” says Rose, smiling weak- 
ly, when asked about violent fans. 
great pall of reticence has fallen 
over some athletes as the weight of the 
evidence has mounted; obviously, some- 
thing is going on ош there. It's not 
reilly the language that is steadily 
directed toward them, the intense, per- 
sonal kind that drove Astro Cesar Ce- 
deno up into the stands after a couple 
of fans who kept calling him a “killer” 
(Cedeno was conyicted of involuntary 
manslaughter—but not jailed—in the 
Dominican Republic several ycars ago). 
Cedeno's counterattack was the first in 
a series of poststrike confrontations in 
baseball between player and fan. Later, 


Reggie Smith, of the Dodgers, was fined 
$5000 for going after fans in the stands; 
Gary Templeton, of the Cardinals, was 
suspended and fined heavily for giving. 
the finger to his o on Ladies” Day in 
St. Louis; and even the gritty Rose went 
alter a pair of hecklers in St. Louis (he 
was given a summons for disturbing the 
peace). Prior to these episodes, this strain 
of retaliation had been seen only among 
hockey players and thespian wrestlers. 
‘The upshot seems to be that the chasm 
between athletes and fans is now long 
and deep—and imminently dangerous. 

Personal abuse frustrates the player, 
but it is the steady portents of real 
danger that shadow his hours on and off 
the field: death threats, intimidating 
phone calls, the strange face seen too 
often in the hotel lobby. Hardly para- 
noid, athletes feel sharply the reality 
behind the gathering cloud of incidents. 
They know that fans shot the dog of 
Green Bay coach Dan Devine because 
his team wasn't winning enough. They 
remember when eyen Billy Martin be- 
came rattled after a death threat and 
donned a bulletproof yest in Comiskey 
Park. And they know what Pirate Dave 
Parker must have felt when he bent 
down one ht in Philadelph and 
picked up two .38-caliber bullets. 

That kind of symbolism is not lost 
on Oriole outfielder Ken Singleton, who 
will usually talk his head ой eloquently 
in front of a TV camera but says curtly, 
“I have no comment on fan violence. I 
feel the less I say about it, the less ГЇЇ 
be picked out and made a target.” 

Singleton's teammate pitcher Dennis 
Martinez is wary and angry, but not 
ntimidated. He says he has brought 
charges against a Chicago fan over an 
incident last April. His head keeps 
turning over his shoulder—with good 
reason. “I just couldn't understand it. 
I've been good to fans. I sign auto- 
graphs, go over and talk to them. But 
now I'm scared." He slams 
into his glove. "It was dui 
delay. Real dark and cold. 
out of the dugout, 1 saw this shadow 
coming over my head. And when I 
turned, J saw stars. I got it right here"— 
he parts his hair to show the scar—"but 
luckily. the bottle didn't break. I took 
fourstitches and was dizzy for three days." 

Up in Sarato| Angel Cordero, a 
Picasso on 1000 pounds of horse, fin- 
ishes a ride out of the money and makes 
his way through the crowd, his eyes 
full of fear and his tiny feet moving 


at a frantic pace, He ducks a thrown 
carrot and reaches the jockey room, 
where he wipes the wack dirt from 
his face. "Its quiet up here,” he says, 
“but down in the city, in New York, 
175 dangerous. Down there, Гус been hit 
with ice, pieces of glass, horseshit . . . 
everything. The fans come right up to 
me and shout in my face, “Cordero! 
Your mother's a whore" I try not to 
listen. But it gets to you. They spit 
on me like I'm an animal. People, 
they get weird in crowds. 
б 

The crowd? Politicians try to play it 
like a Stradivarius. Madison Avenue 
spends millions trying to unlock its dark 
and whimsical passions. Crowd mentality 
has brought forth everything from Pet 
Rocks to the frenzy of tulip mania їп old 
Holland, from the bloody Crusades 
to the witch-hunts of Salem. The poet 
Schiller thought about the subject and 
wrote, “Anyone taken as an individual is 
tolerably sensible and reasonable—as a 
member of a crowd, he at once becomes 
a blockhead.” Thick books have been 
written on the behavior of crowds, but 
after all the maddening jargon, each 
seems to say in so many pages: A crowd 
is a device for indulging ourselves in a 
kind of temporary insanity by all going 
y together. 

By that definition, the panorama of 
American sports has become а perma- 
nent fix, far removed from the days 
when athletics were seen as purely good, 
as wholesome, competitive play. Listen 
to Lee Walburn, a former Atlanta sports 
executive (hockey and basketball: "I 
think hockey and football will be more 
violent in the year 2000, because we may 
he such a sedentary society that we need 
some release for our emotions. It'll be a 
matter of psychological therapy to have 
violent sport. We may not sce men fight- 
ing to death, but we could see animals 
killing each other . . . cockfights, pit 
bulldogs, maybe even piranhas cating 
cach other to death on television.” Quite 
serious, Walburn seemed to be saying 
this: Welcome to the new Rome. 

Rome as historical example of excess 
and dissolution has had to carry a lot of 
high weight when scholars have searched 
for an analogy to contemporary Western 
ills. It has been used to color the drug 
problem, sexual freedom and free-for-all 
materialism. Now it is sports violence, 
a strain of diversion the emperors may 
have discovered but left for the 20th 
Century to refine into a major industry 
that worries perceptive men and thr 
ens to make us all less than equal to our 
promise as human beings. The once 
“sylvan glade” of sports is under siege— 
both the games themselves and what they 
do to the masses who consume them like 
chunks of tossed raw meat. 

(continued on page 198) 


NEXT OF SKIN 
айте By DAVID PLATT 
polished leathers and suedes have 


come in from the cold, turning 
Wardrobes into year-round animal acts 


© 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY' 
WOMEN'S FASHIONS, 


к", 


ASHION's favorite fabrics 
ıl at the moment aren't even 
fabrics; yet todays moguls 
of menswear are treating pol- 
ished leathers and suedes as 
though they had the versatility 
of textiles. As can be expected, 
this liberated attitude toward 
skins has led to results the 
Hell's Angels wouldn't touch 
with a ten-foot Harley—in- 
cluding leather and suede 
formalwear and swim trunks. 
Colors, for the moment, are 
nnderstandably on the safe 


Оп this and the following 
pages, we've captured a 
bird's-eye view of the leather 
threads featured in the inset 
photos. Here, our guy has com- 
bined an aniline leather tardi- 
gan jacket, about $600, with 
pigskin suede pleated slacks, 
about $375, а broadcloth shirt 
with knit collar, about $80, all 
by Andrew Fezza; and а hand- 
woven silk/cotton rep striped 
tie, by Jeffrey Aronoff, 36. 
[ 


е 


side, sands and browns being 
the most popular. Mixed with 
other subile shades, they give 
off an air of cool sophistica- 
tion; combined with items in 
bolder colors, their effect is 
surprisingly sporty. But we 


Right: You'll walk tall-and 
soft-in а suede long-sleeved 
shirt with barrel cuffs and a 
breast pocket, about $385, 
that’s shown with white cotton 
~Ycordurey pleated slacks with 
belt loops, quarter top pockets 
and stroight legs, about $48, 
both by Calvin Klein; plus a 
Split-cowhide belt with brass 
buckle, by Buxton, about $10. 


preditt that as the variety of 
skin styles becomes absorbed 
into the fashion mainstream, 
more adventuresome colors 
will crop up. Just avoid toe. 
much of a good thing and 
keep your skin selection to 


Left: This fellow's leather fash- 
ion look is clean ond un 
cluttered, os he's opted for 
combining a simple cotton knit 
pullover with rib trim, about 
$65, with suede dauble-pleat- 
ed lined slacks that hove belt 
loops, double-entry side роск- 
ets and straight legs, about 
$395, both by Gianni Versace 
Design. Look, Mal No shirt! 


two items per outfit Even 
something as simple as a skin- 
ny suede tie on a soft flannel 
shirt with a favorite corduroy. 
jacket can be effective. Re 
member, 100, that animal skin 
can feel damned good against 


for his goatskin suede 
pered jacket with stand-up; 
lar, by Jean-Paul Germ 
about $525; 


including a metallic and 
а coton placket-front / short- 
sleeved shirt, by Gi $25. 


ILE 


our skin. (Try a soft suede 
shirt with nothing on under: 
neath and you may becom 
your own best friend.) And i 

leather is a sensuous turns 
on for us, think of the eff 
its having on the opposite зе 


Left: There's little chance thi 
chap will be headed off at the 
pass, what with his coming o 
in a Western lambskin sued 
long-sleeved pullover with tab 
button closure, drow: 
waist and flap patch pockets, 
by Robert Comstock, $295; a 

a pair of ultracomfort 
corduroy jeans with straie 
legs, by Wrangler, about $ 


PLAYBOY 


94 


«ШАБ comin rom me 


“Dr. Brandon carried her full armamentarium of seda- 
tives and tranks ready, in case Gianni freaked out.” 


a mark of priorities. What Mozart 
accomplished is stranger and more inte 
esting to him than the whole technologi 
cal revolution. Technology is only a 
means to an end, for Gianni—push a 
button, you get a symphony orchestra in 
your bedroom: miracoloso!—and he takes 
it entirely for granted. That the basso 
continuo had become obsolete 30 years 
after his death, that the diatonic scales 
would be demoted from sacred соп- 
stants to inconvenient anachronisms а 
century or so later is more significant to 
him than the fusion reactor, the inter- 
planetary spaceship or even the machine 
that yanked him from his deathbed into 
our world.” 

In the fourth week, he said he wanted 
to compose again. Leavis was in Ilth 
heaven. Gianni asked for a harpsichord. 
Instead, they gave him a synthesizer. He 
loved it. 

In the sixth week, he began asking 
questions about the outside world, and 
I realized that the tricky part of the 
experiment was about to begin. 

. 

I said to Leavis, “Pretty soon we 
have to reveal him. It’s incredible we've 
been able to keep it quiet this long.” 

Thad a plan. The problem was two- 
fold: letting Gianni experience the 
world and letting the world adjust to 
the idea of time travel and a man from 
be the 
whole business of press conferences, 
media tours of the lab, interviews with 
Gianni, a festival of Pergolesi music at 
the Hollywood Bowl with the premiere 
of a symphony in the mode о! Bectho- 
усп that he said would be ready by 
April, etc, etc, etc. But, at the same 
time, we would be taking Gianni on 
private tours of the L.A. area, gradually 
exposing him to the society into which 
he had been so unilaterally hauled. The 
medics said it was safe to let him en- 
counter 2lst Century microorganisms 
now. But would it be safe to let him 
encounter 21st Century civilization? He, 
with his windows sealed and his blinds 
drawn, his 18th Century mind wholly 
engrossed in the revelations that Bach 
and Mozart and Beethoven were pouring 
into it—what would he make of the 
world of spaceways and slice houses and 
overload bands and frecbase teams when 
he could no longer hide from it? 

“Leave it all to me," I said. 
what you're paying me for, right 

On a mild and rainy February after- 
noon, Leavis and I and the main phys 


the past. There was going to 


‘That's 


cian, Nella Brandon, took him on his 
first drive through his new reality. Down 
the hill the back way, along Ventura 
Boulevard a few miles, onto the freeway, 
out to Topanga, back around through 
the landslide zone 10 what had been 
Monica, and then straight up 
Wilsh across the entire heart of Los 
Anpeles—a good stiff jolt of modernity. 
Dn Brandon сат a her m armamen- 
ready, in 
he didn't 


loved nging round and 
round in the bubbletop car, gaping at 
ng. 1 tried to view L.A. through 
the eyes of someone whose entire life 
had been spent amid the splendors of 
Renaissance and Baroque architecture, 
and it came up hidcous on all counts. 
But not to nni. "Beautiful" he 
sighed. “Wondrous! Miraculous! Marvel- 
as!” The trafic, the freeways them- 
selves, the fast-food joints, the peeling. 
plastic facades, the great fire scar in 
Topanga, the houses hanging by spider 
cables from the hillsides, the occasional 
superjet floating overhead on its way 
into LAX—everything lit him up. It 
was wonderland to him. None of those 
dull old cathedrals and palazzi and ma 
ble fountains here—no, everything here 
hter and larger and glitzi 
life, and he loved it. The only part he 
couldn't handle was the beach at To- 
panga. By the time we got there, the 
sun was out and so were the sun bathers, 
and the sight of 8000 кей bodies 
cavorting on the damp sand almost gave 
him a stroke. “What is this?” he de- 
manded. “The market for slaves? The 
ple: house of the king?” 

Blood pressure rising fast,” Nella 
aid softly, eying her wrist monitors. 
Adrenaline levels going up. Shall I 
cool him out?” 

Leavis shook his head. 

“Slavery is unlawful,” I told Gianni. 
“There is no king. These are ordinary 
citizens amusing themselves. 

“Nudo! Assolulamente nudo!” 

"We long ago outgrew feeling ashamed 
of our bodies,” I said. “The laws allow 
to go nude in places like this.” 

"Siraordinario! Incredibile?” Не 
gaped in total astonishment. Then he 
erupted with questions, a torrent of 
Italian first, his English returning only 
with an effort. I husbands allow 
their wives to come here? Did fathers 
permit daughters? Were there rapes 
on the beach? Duels? If the body had 


lost its mystery, how did sexual desire 
survive? If a man somchow did become 
excited, was it shameful to let it show? 
And on and on and on, until Leavis had 
to signal Nella to give him a mild nee- 
dle. Calmer now, Gianni digested the 
notion of mass public nudity im a more 
reflective way; but it had amazed him 
more than Beethoven, that was plain. 

We let him stare for another ten 
nutes. As we started to return to the 
‚ Gianni pointed to a lush brunette 
ing along by the tide pools and 
I want her. Get her. 
anni, we can't do that!” 
You think I am eunuch 
my wrist. “Get her for me. 

“Not yet. You aren't well enough yet. 
And we can't just gel her for you. 
Things aren't done that way here. 
he goes naked. She belongs to any- 
one." 

"No," Leavis said. "You still don't 
really understand, do уси?” He nodded 
to Nella. She gave him another needle. 
We drove on and he subsided. Soon 
we came to the barri whing where 
l had fallen into the sea, 
swung inland through the place 
where Santa Moni had been. І ex- 
plained about the earthquake and the 
landslide. Gianni grinned. 

“Ah, il terremoto, you have it here, 
too? A lew years ago, there was great 
earthquake in Napoli. You have under- 
stood? And then they ask me to write a 
Mass of Thanksgiving, afterward, be- 
cause not everything is destroyed. It is 
very famous Mass for a time. You know 
it? No? You must hear it." He turned 
and seized my wrist. With ап intensity 
greater than the brunette had aroused 
in him, he said, “I will compose a new 
famous Mass, yes? I will be very famous 
again. And 1 will be rich. Yes? 1 was fa- 
mous and then I was forgotten and then 
I died and now I live again. And rich. 
Yes? Yes? 

Leavis beamed at him and said, 
another couple of weeks, Gianni, you're 
going to be the most famous man in the 
world. 


He caught 


ly, 1 poked the button turning 
on the radio. The car was well equipped 
for overload and out of the many speak- 
ers came the familiar pulsing, tingling 
sounds of Wilkes Booth John doing 
Membrane. The subsonics were terrific. 
sat up straight as the music hit 
"What is that?" he demanded. 

“Overload,” 1 said. "Wilkes Booth 
John." 

“Overload? This means nothing to me. 
It is a music? Of when?” 


* said Nella. 
As we zoomed along Wilshire, 1 keyed 
in the colors and lights, too, and the 
whole interior of the car began to 
throb and flash and sizzle. Wonderland 
(continued on page 169) 


parttwo 


MAN and WOMAN 


from the frontiers of sex and science, 
an unprecedented plavboy series on what makes 
man man and woman woman 


THE 
SEXUAL DEAL: 
A STORY 
OF 
CIVILIZATION 


if females don't need males for reproduction, then why do 
males exist—and, for that matter, why is there sex at all? 


arucle 
By JO DURDEN-SMITH 
and DIANE DE SIMONE 


OMO SAPIENS, Types: male and female. Age: 
about 400,000, with known ancestors of 3,500,000. Distribution: virtually entire surface of planet Earth. Societies 
agricultural and industrial, with a few primitive hunter-gatherers. Mode of reproduction: sexual. Nearest living 
relative: chimpanzee. Characteristics: intelligent, dominant, highly sexed. Question: Why? 

A visitor from another galaxy who materialized here with limitless funds would have a hard time explaining 
to her distant bosses why human men and women dom е the earth. Where would she begin? We're not the 
biggest species, alter all—the blue whale is 1000 times larger. We're not the longest-living—a bristlecone pine can out- 
last 150 human generations. We're not anything like as numerous as birds. And we don’t reproduce particularly 
fast—other species can do in 20 minutes what takes us nine months. Only two things, in fact, combine to make us 
in any special. The ratio between our brain weight and our body mass is the highest on carth; and we are by 
far the sexiest creatures on the planet. 

Our closest cousins are chimpanzees, with whom we share 98.5 percent of our gene: 
cross between a chimp and a human being is entirely possible; the Chinese are said to have tried it before they were 
rudely interrupted by the Cultural Revolution. How they went about it, before the days of testtube babies, 
no onc knows. And what the sexual behavior of the result might have been fairly boggles the mind. For a chimp's 
sex life is a pretty sorry business compared with ours. Chimp males, it is true, may be said to have an advantage 


And scientists agree that a 


over us human males—their testicles are three times Jarger 
than ours and they produce huge amounts of sperm. But 
that’s only because they have to compete with one another 


except the gibbon and the siamang. And, second, we have a 
division of labor between the sexes; there secms to be an 
agreement about who does what. 

OF a total of 224 societies listed George Murdock’ 
Ethnographic Atlas, 158 list cooking as a strictly female activ- 
ity and only five say it's exclusively male, Hunting is done by 
males in 166 societies out of 179 and never exclusively by 


all the time. Male chimps have sex only when an individual 
female comes into heat—after two or three years, if she's 
pregnant or nursing an infant. They usually have to queue 
up for it. And when the time comes to do what they've been 


waiting for, the whole thing is over in seven seconds. 

By contrast, we humans have fun. And we look as if we 
were designed for it: All the necessary equipment is carried 
up front, permanently on display. We're hairless, for m. 
mum visibility and sensitivity. We tend to copulate face to 
face, to have as much personal contact as possible—though 
there are as many jations on this theme as there is human 
ingenuity. And we do it more often. Human beings aren't 
hidebound by breeding seasons and breeding cycles, as are 
chimpanzees and the rest of nature. We have sex not only for 
reproduction but for pl as well. 

That's something our intrepid intergalactic anthropologist 
would notice very quickly. And she'd notice, as she scanned 
the species, two other things that humans characteristically 
1 this sexual delight. First, 
we're basically monogamous, unlike almost all other primates 


ам 


females. And it’s the same story with other jobs about the 
house and hut. Males are almost always responsible for 
lumbering, metalworking, fishing and the making of musical 
instruments, And females, by and large, take over weaving, 
clothes making and the preparation of drinks and narcotics. 
This sort of division of labor is unique in nature, except 
among birds. 

Having understood this much, Our visitor from outer space 
would want to try to put two and two together for her 
report. Large brains, pleasure, monogamy, sexiness and divi- 
sion of labor: Could those explain why human beings have 
come to dominate the planet Earth? Could sex and sexuality, 
after all, be at the heart of it? And if she wanted to answer 
those questions, she'd have to go a long way back in history: 
past our first settlements a mere 15,000 years ago, past ou 
first tools and past our beginnings— backward in evolutionary 


97 


PLAYBOY 


98 


time and out into nature, to the species 
that have been around for millions and 
even billions of years, long before our 
arrival. And there she'd have to ask two 
further questions that are basic to who 
we are, questions that the population of. 
her galaxy—all female—are desperate to 
have answered. Why does sex exist? And 
why do males exist? 
. 

Sex may be fun, but it isn't necessary. 
Consider, for example, the many species 
of lizard biologist David Crews keeps in 
his laboratory at Harvard. Three of 
them are particularly interesting; for 
when a female of one of those species is 
about to ovulate, she is mounted by an- 
other lizard and what looks a lot like 
sex takes place. There is much biting, 
lashing of tails and juxtaposition of 
sexual organs. 

It is not, however, sex—at least not in 
the way we usually think of it. Because 
all lizards of those three species are fe- 
male. Like at least 24 other species of 
reptiles and like the people of our 
imaginary visitor’s galaxy, they specialize 
in virgin birth—parthenogenesis—and 
have single-parent families of female off- 
spring exactly like themselves. The sex 
they have has a function. It makes 
them lay more eggs more often. But 
it has nothing to do with fertilization. 
They reproduce on their own, without 
any need for help from males. They 
have done away with them and will 
never need them again, even if Crews 
manages to make some males by inject- 
ing their eggs with male hormones. 

Pity, then, the poor male lizard. And 
take warning. For the same thing could 
conceivably happen in humans. Some 
biologists believe that were the gene for 
parthenogenesis to appear in any long- 
ed species that inhabits a stable en- 
vironment, as we do, it would take over 
and eventually consign both males and 
sex to oblivion. We would become like 
dandelions, bananas, pineapples, Wash- 
ington navel oranges and the occasional 
turkey—as well as like our female ob- 
server and Crews's lizards. We would be 
born without benefit of sex and in our 
case, too, all female. 

Some feminists would argue that the 
world would be better off that way; and 
if you look at males in most of nature, 
you'll probably agree. For males in na- 
ture are by and large rather useless 
creatures, good only for one thing. They 
contribute far less to the reproduction 
of their species than females do. They're 
usually smaller than females (the largest 
creature on carth is, in fact, a female 
blue whale). They almost never help out 
with the kids. They die young (only 
human eunuchs live as long as human 
females) and when they're alive, they 
behave in extremely foolish ways. 

They fight among themselves—male 


mites battle to the death—for the priv- 
ilege of a mating. They also expose 
themselves to predators when they strut 
their stuft—for example, only male fire- 
flies take to the air for a flashing session; 
the female safe in the underbrush. 
Males commit themselves to hopelessly 
elaborate evolutionary strategies, such as 
the swagger matches of reindeer and 
their massive investment in useless ant- 
lers. And very often, males have no clear 
idea of who or what to date. A male Ну 
will try it with a raisin; a male butterfly, 
with a falling leaf. And male frogs and 
toads will optimistically attach them- 
selves to a rock or a stone or a passing 
boot. 

Being a male, in other words, is in 
most species a difficult, dangerous, nasty 
and hitor-miss business. Nature has de- 
signed males to do anything to achieve 
reproductive success; that's all nature is 
interested in. And the price for that 
success is sometimes very high. Male 
marsupial shrews, for instance, get a 
fatal dose of steroid hormones when they 
copulate. Male Neotropical frogs virtu- 
ally starve themselves to death as they 
wait weeks or even months on the back 
of a female for her eggs to mature. And 
male angler fish, just to perform their 
reproductive duty, commit an awesome 
form of suicide, They latch on with 
pincers to the body of a female, become 
a part of her skin surface and circulatory 
system, lose their eyes and fins in the 
process and end up becoming about a 
hundredth of her size. All that for one 
tiny moment of glory, when the female 
releases her eggs into the water to be fer- 
tilized. 

It's no wonder, then, given the rotten 
time most males seem to have of it, that 
those few males that have the option— 
some coral-reef fish, for instance—actu- 
ally fight with each other for the right to 
become fen 

The majority of males don't have that 
option. Like humans, they're locked into 
ever evolution gave them—from the 
18 different patterns in the courtship 
dance of the American grasshopper to 
the bull elephant's unwieldy 60-pound 
penis to whatever lurks in the collective 
psyche at a big-city singles bar. They're 
locked into the evolyed expresion of 
their male sexuality. АП of which may 
come as something of a surprise 10 hu- 
man males who think of themselves 
varied and sophisticated, newly arrived 
and in the game only for pleasure. 

But we, too, evolved a long time ago. 
And we, too, are subject to this basic 
law of nature: that the only a male 
n reproduce himself and pass on his 
genes to the next generation is to find a 
mate, compete for her and do whatever 
she thinks necessary. If males, including 
human males, don't do this—if they 
don't make it through the struggle and 


don't come up to snuff with the fe- 
male—then theyre on a one-way ticket 
to reproductive oblivion. And whatever 
genes they carried that produced their 
particular disability—their choice of 
pleasure over conception, their urge to 
stay home and not bother, their weak- 
ness, their muffing of the courtship dance 
or their lack of attractive pizzazz—will 
appear from the population. 

Only the genes for whatever it took to 
survive and reproduce with a female will 
remain: the biggest, the bravest, the most. 
persistent, the most punctual and the 
most colorfully decorated. That is the 
way the world turns, for males. With 
the female in charge of the manufactur- 
ing end of reproduction, males are only 
in the service business and they must 
jump to the female's tune. 

Irven DeVore, a Harvard anthropolo- 
gist, is certain about this. “Males,” he 
says unequivocally, “are a vast breeding 
experiment run by females.” 

The question is, though: What on 
earth for? It's clear that the existence of 
sex is of vital importance for males in 
nature; without it, they wouldn't be 
around. But what's in it for females? 
Sexual reproduction, after all, takes 
time and energy (in flatworms, which 
can reproduce h or without sex, it 
takes 15 percent more time and 25 per- 
cent more energy). And it also presents 
a female with several serious problem: 

First, she has to find and risk having 
close to her a potentially dangerous 
partner. Second, she has to find a way ol 
making sure shes mating with an 
dividual of the right species. And, th 
she has to take a gamble on whether or 
not the male's sperm will enable her to 
produce fit offspring. Some of the win- 
nowing out of males has already been 
done, of course, by the rigors of the 
environment and by male-male com- 
petition. But a female's eggs are still 
more expensive to produce than a males 
sperm—in birds, the egg can represent 
as much as a quarter of a female's body 
weight; and in humans, men can pro- 
duce in half a second more sperm (the 
smallest cells in their bodies) than a 
an produce eggs in her whole 


A female, then, is forced to be more 
choosy than a male. In humans, a mo- 
ments indiscretion with the wrong 
sperm can cost a woman an egg that 
would have been better invested else- 
where, not to mention nine months of 
pregnancy and a lot of bringing up baby. 

All that, you would think, would еп: 
courage the female of the species to find 
some other means of reproduction. And 
there is an even stron; 
portant reason why she should. It is tl 
quite apart from all the inconvenien 
and fuss, sex—evolutionarily spe 
(continued on page 186) 


т 


MORAL MINORITY — 


99 


FOXY LA DY 


anne-marie is in great shape to be miss february 


is eager to get on with the business of qualities. It’s character building and I needed that when I 
Her life so far has been all маз growing up. Besides, everyone was very concerned with 


preparation. Now she wants to do something. Early you, so you got a lot of attention. 1 didn't mind the uni- 
on in her 19 years of life, Anne-Marie was sentenced to a forms at all. 1 was such a free spirit 1 needed some restric 
Catholic girls’ school (though she's not Catholic). She got the tions in my life." 
full treatment: No boys ever, no unexcused tardiness to class. For a while, it looked as if Anne-Marie could get a parole: 
uniforms must be worn at all times—you know the routine. — Her mother went to Germany to study and took Anne-Marie 
Anne Marie not only survived, she flourished, finding direc — along. But it was out of the frying pan and into the strudel. 
tion in discipline. 1 definitely went into culture shock in Germany,” she de- 
“The expectations,” she recalls, “were for you to be totally clares. “The schools are extremely strict and if you don't 
moral, a perfectionist, hard-working . . . which aren't bad Іле up to their high standards, you're an outcast. You had 


In these four photos, it's clear thal the rigors of the dance are vital for Anne-Marie Fox, who believes а well- 
tuned mind belongs in а well-toned body. She augments her physical education as an instructor at a men's 
health club. Inexplicably, she intends to cover up her handiwork by embarking on a career in fashion modeling. 101 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 


When she can no longer belly up to the bar (left), Anne-Marie makes 
@ pit stop at her home in Malibu. Her version of the Beverly Hills Diet 
apparently is to feed most of the fattening stuff to the cat. It does 
seem to work, though. She describes her ideal partner this way: “Pd like 
а man who's successful at whatever he's doing . . . as long as it’s legal. 
And he'd have to be honest—I want to know what's going on. He'd also 
have lo be sensitive and gentle and intelligent, and if he doesn’t have 
of humor, I will not be seen with him. I like to joke around. 
Гос always believed you've got to keep things light to keep things flowing. 


to excel or you weren't accepted. For fun, kids 
in Germany study and take music lessons. 

‘Plus, all my classes were in German, naturally, 
so I had a bit of a handicap. I managed to pick 
it up pretty quickly, just by being around the 
other kids, but the first three months were pretty 
rough. I still keep up on my German, but I don't 
run into many people I can talk to here.” 

He г Anne-Marie, is Malibu, where she 

festyle considerably different. Now 

the discipline is self-imposed. Fitness is king on 
the beach and Anne-Marie 

She even teaches other people how to be fit 

in her job at a men's health club in West 

Hollywood, and for the past eight years has been 


“You know, it's ironic Anne-Marie recalls, 
“when I was a schoolgirl in Germany, I used 
to read. eLAYBOY all the time, just to look 
at the pretty girls. I used to think then, I wi: 
I had a body good enough to be in PLAYBOY! 


studying ballet as well. 

Anne-Marie hopes to parlay all 
that body work into a future in 
fashion modeling. 

“It’s funny, because I remember 
having my portrait done as a child, 
and I cried. Now 1 love it. Just like 
my poetry, it's a way of expressing 
myself. Sometimes I get so into it 
that everything around me disap- 
pears, and I just get into the cam- 
ета, one on one.” 

Long-term, Anne-Marie wants to 
be an architect. For now, she is con- 
tent to enjoy the Malibu sun. “I 
love it here, the ocean and the 
mountains. I look forward to going 
home in the evening.” 

When she does get home, Anne- 
Marie turns reflective, writing po- 
etry or making entries in her diary. 
She's also a music lover, playing 
piano and violin and listening to 
classical and rock. 

And if she had an extra wish, one 
she could just blow: “I've always 
wanted to be ina James Bond movi 


Ё ر‎ 4 


Looking at the pic- 
tures above, we can't 
decide if it would be 
inspirational or dis- 
couraging to have an 
instructor like Anne- 
Marie, but, judging 
by the smiles in the 
Sports Connection 
workout room, she 
makes the hard work 
fun. “I'm a perfec- 
tionist myself, but I 
don't try to lay that 
trip оп anybody 
else.” At right, Anne- 
Marie does a quick 
change for television. 


Wap. ITA RO uy 


The independent Miss Fox says, “Рт 
not into women’s liberation at all. 
Women are equal; we don't have to 
dwell on it. I like being a айу... 
and I like being treated like one.” 


GATEFOLD PHOTOGRAPHY 
RY DHI TID DIXON 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


mm a, WAIST: 23 ures: З 


2 


TURN-ONS Ef аА 
124.44. 9 ^ 
TURN-OFFS : АЗА 


HOBBIES: VV“ SEES] 


1 2 a Z2." 


+2 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


This amusing guy I hit it off with in a singles 
bar referred to his male organ as a swizzle 
stick,” the girl reported to her confidante, “зо I 
layed along by calling my female parts a 
loving cup.” 

“Tell me—what happened?” 

“Before the night was over, I'd become stir 
crazy.” 


Maybe you've heard about the apprentice 
massage-parlor girl who quit her job because 
she was tired of playing second diddle. 


Have you discovered a cure for my persistent 
erection?" the worried knight inquired of the 
royal alchemist. 

“Not yet,” answered the pseudo scientist, 
“but I have spoken to the king about a more 
suitable assignment for you.” 

“What's that?" asked the knight, adjusting 
his chain mail. 

“You've been named His Majesty's sundial!” 


We suppose that successful masturbation by a 
90-year-old man could properly be termed mira- 
cle whip. 


la simple, layman's terms, what characterizes 
the manic-depressive psychosis?” the psychia- 
trist was asked. 

“Easy glum, easy glow,” was his reply. 


A semipro girl who sometimes worked the bar 
circuit was propositioned one night by a drink- 
er who said he'd pay $20 for her favors. “Look. 
mister, you can't buy my bod with a crude offer 
like that,” she responded, “but how's about 
betting mc a twenty I won't put out for you?" 


While purchasing some condoms. the young 
man remarked with a smile, "Im giving my 
girl a birthday present tonight.” 

"Yes, sir,” smiled the drug clerk. Then he 
added, forcing a straight face, "Would you 
perhaps like these gift-wrapped?” 

“That wouldn't make much sense,” said the 
customer. "They're the gift wrapping.” 


When a man who was convalescing from a 
heart attack couldn’t persuade his wife to let 
him have intercourse with her, he asked his 
physician to send him a statement to convince 
the woman it would be permissible, and so the 
doctor wrote, “Dear Mrs. Brown: This is to 
certify that my patient Harry Brown is fully 
capable of having sexual relations.” 

The next week, Brown telephoned the med- 
ical man and said, “Doc, that note as you 
wrote it just didn’t work with my wife, so 
I wonder if you could maybe send me an 
amended version.” 

“What change would you suggest?” inquired 
the physician, who wanted to be helpful. 

“Instead of that ‘Dear Mrs. Brown, just 
address it “To Whom It May Concern.’ 


There once was asperm cell named Lou 
Who dreamed that an egg tryst was due; 
But his dream proved a dud, 
For his swinging host's рий 
Trysied off in the mouth of one Sue! 


Oh, boy, that was like, you know, a religious 
experience,” sighed the young man as he and 
the girl drove away from the motel. “Was it 
that way for you, too?" 

“Well, almost,” sighed the girl. “I was hop- 
ing for a second coming.” 


Ale lla. 


Why wouldn't you let your father and me see 
your costume before you left for that fraternity 
masquerade party?” the coed was asked on her 
return home that night. 

“Because I felt a little silly in it, Mom,” the 
girl answered. “Look—I went as a beel” 

“You come right over here, young lady!" her 
mother demanded sternly. “I want to check 
your breath for pollen.” 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on a post- 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY, 
Playboy Bldg., 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, 
Ill. 60611. $50 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


“As a matter of fact, Mother, you did interrupt us. 
Rick was just about to have his orgasm.” 


13 


[ж 


the lesson of tip o'neill vs. 
ronald reagan is finally 
this—party politics 

is a thing of the past 


article By JAMES WBBTEN «ocn that marvelously ef- 


fective little gn 


levision commercial from the campa 
1980—the one in which a burly, white- 
those devilishly clever Republicans so unm 
the most powerful and prominent Democrat in Congress, the 
similarly burly and white-thatched Speaker of the House of 
Representatives, as an ant glutton who neither knew nor 
cared that his big, black, idly 


uched actor hired by 


running out of fuel un 
1 asked him—the Sp not the actor—about it at the Demo- 


cratic Convention that year, suggesting cautiously that perhaps 


PLAYBOY 


the Republicans had made a metaphor 
out of him. 

“A what?" he muttered, clearly irrita 
ed by the inference. 

A metaphor, sir,” 1 reiterated. “A 
metaphor. Doesn't that bother you a 
bit—being a metaphor, I mean?” 

Somchow, challenging and then del 
ing all natural law, his impressive hulk 
of a body enlarged itself to even more 
formidable dimensions—a great white 
whale filling its massive lu 

“The Speaker of the House is not a 
goddamned metaphor," he growled m 
levolently, glaring down at me as though 
Thad launched Ahab's harpoon. “I neve: 
have been a metaphor and, God willing, 
I never shall be.” 

‘Then he stalked away, mad as hell. 
and from the fire in his baleful eye and 
the edge in his gravelly voice, you'd have 
thought I'd asked him about the dreaded 
Tongsun Park. 

Thomas P. O'Neill is now into his 70th 
year (he would, no doubt, deny with 
equal vehemence being a septuagenar- 
ian), having spent nearly 50 as a pisser 
of a politician—scratching and saam- 
bling his way up from the back streets of 
Boston into the very mainstreams of the 
American political process, to national 
prominence and prestige as well. Yet 
f a century after he be- 
ga bly upward carcer stand- 
ing on tiptoe to ring doorbells around 
the old neighborhood in behalf of Al 
Smith's Presidential candidacy, he faces 
the distinctly unpleasant but very real 
possibility that he could be remembered. 
in the years to come not as the politician 
he has been but as the metaphor he may 
have become: the personification of the 
fading Democrats, а vibrant political 
force surviving past its prime, sputtering. 
along on its last few ounces of relevance, 
coasting finally to a stop beside the high- 
way, dead in its tracks, safely out of the 
flow. 

No wonder he was so testy. 

Even before the 1980 election, they 
were beginning to say [hat about him— 
him, of all people—and 1981 served only 
crease the volume of such libel to 
such a strident level that, by the end of 
the year, he could, perhaps, already en- 
vision the words chiseled so cleanly into 
the final granite of his repute: 


& 


THOMAS rl LL, JR- 
A GODDAMNED METAPHOR 


шаль 9 


And the Speakers soul was sorely 
vexed, and there was no joy in him what- 
soever, neither was there pleasure to be 
found. 

Yea, and only travail. 

The blues. 


б 
Here is what he wailed to friends опе 


116 evening last spring: 


“My problem, by God, isn't Republi- 
cans. My problem, by God, is Demo- 
ста!” 

Bite thy tongue, Mr. Speake 

Its as though he had confessed to 
them, with no apparent remorse, that he 
had voted for Richard Nixon. Twice. It 
was utter blasphemy—and yet it was 
quite understandable. 

Consider the context. 
Neill grew up with the Democratic 
Party, hardly realizing or recognizing the 
existence of any other throughout much 


of his youth and even into his early 
manhood. Like the Church and his name, 
the party ne with the territory, the 


thickly Irish neighborhoods of North 
Cambridge, Massachusetts, just beyond 
the elegantly erudite fringes of Harvard 
In such precinas, the consistent ratio of 
Democrats to Republicans was, roughly, 
опе to zero, a balance that had held 
steady since the waves of Irish immi- 
grants had begun flowing ashore at Bos- 
ton Harbor in the latter part of the 19th 
Century. The local Democrats, outnum. 
bered but fiercely ambitious, courted the 
als with an ardor genetically repug- 
nant to the Cabots and the Lodges and 
the rest of the Republican establishment 
of the day. Consequently, it was the 
Democrats. seeing in the Irish a potential 
constituency of vast promise and pow 
and 
jobs at which to work and help when 
they needed it most desperately. It was 
richly fertile soil. The Irish beca 
ocrats, and as their own pow 
with the proliferation of their nui 
t was pi ally they who perpetuated 
the very concepts of the party that had 
attracted them to it in the first placc— 
all the doing and helping and giving and 
lifting and underwriting and subsidizing 
that had drawn them unto its bosom in 
the beginning. The Irish did not regard 
themselves as liberals or conservatives. 
‘There were, for them, no separate wings 
of the party. no ideological shadings 
within its embrace. There was simply the 
party and they were simply Democ 
The Speaker's father was just such an 
Irishman and just such a Democrat— 
and an important pillar of the local 
party, at that. He had held a scat on the 
wbridge City Council for several years 
before becoming the sewer commi 
er, a post with. such sweeping pow 
patronage that he soon came to bc 
known as Governor—and on Sunday 
afternoons, after Mass, his house in 
North Cambridge would be jammed 
with all manner of politicians, satu 
with their talk of politics, all De 
cratic, of course, and the governor's son 
and namesake was absorbing it all, an 
eager sponge of a boy crowded into the 
corner of the parlor, listening to the 
stories flow, loving the legends and 


ats. 


the lore, becoming a Democrat in the 
he had 


same become а Roman 


Catholic. ight, receptive 
youngster, cager to please, and he hap- 
pily embraced. "Dena don rty and 


its principal concepts precisely as they 
were offered to him, as they were postu- 
ed in his father's parlor on 
noons, as they were practiced week 
week in the neighborhoods of 
mbridge. He endorsed the 
party's candidates without question long 
before he could vote for them and he 
worked for them twice as hard because 
he could not; and when he himself 
came of age, fresh out of Boston College, 
he joined their lists and зап beneath 
banners Го! on the city coi 
He lost by sker. but he w 
bitten beyond recovery 

As politics had been his father's pas- 
mate vocation, so it would become h 
own. Flashing the lopsided grin that 
would become the everlasting mark of 
his presence, he ran again and this time 
he won a scat in the Massachusetts 
1 Assembly, dominated for a 
tury by the good. gray Republicans— 
and before he left for Washington 15 
s later to take John F. Kennedy’: 
seat in the House of Representatives, the 
young O'Neill had engineered a Demo- 
ke-over of the state legislature 
turally, he had become its speak 


and, ц 


"Those who worked with him and 
nst him in Boston during those form- 
ative years of his political career quick- 


ly learned what made him tick. It was, 
ol course, the party. As he had risen, he 
had taught himself and had been taught 


by others along the way the essential 
the rud 


catechism of his life's work: 
ments of power (if one 
possess it, one does) and the basics of 
legislative leadership (there is none with- 
out party loyalty and there is no party 
loyalty without party discip 
learned his lessons so well and practiced 
his craft with such patient and long 
suffering diligence both in Boston and 
in Washington that eventually he began 
to stir some public notice, here and 

nd finally he came to a certain 
inence. “Mr. Democi 
they called him, the “Politician's politi- 
one of the good guys, 
larly written, who helped ca 
those dire days over the nefarious black 
hats of the Watergate conspiracies. 

In Washington, now, they like to call 
him “the Tipper.” It is the city’s way of 
screwing up anything good you might 
have gone there with. His nicknan 
most everyone still recognizes, is Tip. It 
came from a gentleman named Edward 
O'Neill, a member of the St. Louis 
Browns, who amassed one of the highest 
batting averages ever simply because, 

(continued on page 177) 


MODERN 
SCREEN ROMANCE 


video's sexy second generation of cassette recorders, disc players, cameras 
and stereo tos is a seductive sequel that’s a sure tune-on 


article 13, ROBE ANGUS 


IF YOU WERE TEMPTED to buy a video-cassette recorder years doesn't include the a 
ago but held off until the industry got the bugs out, d receiving systems and I 
the styling and dropped the prices, resist no more, Today's Although the first gencration of TV products introduced 
VCRs are easy to operate, gorgeous to look at and no more eyes to the wonders of 
expensive than a top-notch stereo receiver. Its no wonder video technology, the second generation has demonstrated 
that there are currently 3,500,000 recorders in operation, that mass production brings lower prices, better perform- 
with sales graphs going through the roof. And that figure ance and more pre ity, among other improvements. To 


tion in videodisc machines, satellite 
e-screen-projection units. 


‘ou ought to be in pictures, and with the latest video cameras, it's a snap. Above left: Sony's light- 

weight HVC-2200 (Beta) color camera can shoot in low light without loss of color fidelity or clarity 
and features a motor-driven zoom/macro lens, $1300. Next to it is Sanyo's VCC545P (Beta) lightweight color camera with an 
electronic view finder, $1000. Nestled by the little lady's leg is a supersensitive Technicolor 412 camera that goes with the 
small CVC-format tapes, weighs less than five pounds and also features remote control, $950. The lady herself is holding a JVC 
GX-88U (VHS) camera featuring an optical view finder and a zoom/macro lens, $1050. Last, Hitachi's pro-quality VK-C800 
(VHS) camera weighs in at about seven pounds and can be operated easily from switches located on the handgrip, $1450. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY JIM VAUGHAN 


117 


help you separate the wheat from the chaff, we've taken а 
dose look at the various video components available (VCRs. 
disc players, cameras, etc) in light of their excellence and 
expectations in today’s market. 


TVS SOUND OFF 


Stereo sound was an integral part of the first lascr-optical 
videodisc players, introduced by Magnavox and Pioneer 
more than two years ago. It is now becoming a factor in 
video-cassette recorders and top-quality television sets. 
(Don't expect your local TV station to begin stercocasting 
soon, even though the Federal Communications Commission 
has moved a little closer to adopting a dual-channel stereo 
system for TV sound.) More importantly, prerecorded video 
cassettes and discs carrying stereo sound tracks will augment 
the Public Broadcasting System's stereo simulcasts and cable 
TV's 24-hour video and stereo rock marathons. 

Although Akai introduced the first stereo video recorder, a 
VHS model, more than a year 


ago, it hasn't been until re- 


[Es though the economy is sluggish, home-model VCR 
sales are tearing up the track. Above left: Sharp's 
VC-8500 (VHS) is for the person who wants economy and versatility without skimp- 
ing; as it has basic remote control and because the cassettes are slot-loaded from 
the front, it's the ideal unit for bookshelf storage, $960. Above center: Panasonic's 
PV-1770 (VHS) features a full-function wireless remote control, $1595. In the fore- 
ground: Sanyo's VCR 4300 (Beta) is programable seven doys in advance, $845. 


par The fun of recording is making for an entirely 
new generation of portable VCRs. Akai's VPS-7350 
(VHS) recorder and tuner-timer at top left is the first unit with Dolby stereo sound, 
$1695. Top right: Hitachi's VT-6500A (VHS) and VT-TU65A tuner/timer feature a 
corded remote control that includes variable-speed advance and tracking adjust- 
ments, in addition to other fancy features, $1600. In the foreground: Technicolor's 
18 212 (CVC) cassette recorder, one of the smallest and lightest on the market, $995. 


cently that the УР 
there's a second mod 


50 ($1695) became avail: 
‚ the HR-7650 from JVC, 
$1595; and a flood of stereo models is likely because the le 
ing Japanese manufacturers already are producing stereo ri 
corders for use in their country, where stereo telecasting is 2 
reality. So far, there is no Beta equivalent, though both 
Advent and Marantz have announced plans to pursue it. 

Akai was also the first to offer Dolby noise reduction in a 
video recorder. JVC's HR-7650 followed suit and there are 
a number of other new models that will include Dolby or 
some other form of noise reduction. E 
with its very high-quality digital audio tracks, is pursuing 
additional noise reduction; Pioneer, RCA and several other 
manufacturers have expressed interest in CBS’ new CX noise 
reduction system for video-disc players, which will be intro- 
duced later this year 

Sony's new Profeel video receivers are perhaps the first 
to introduce the component concept to television. Instead 
of the familiar one-piece TV portable or console, Profeel 


n the video disc, 


Wes said Sony's video products are the living end 
was right on the button. The units in the large photo, 
above center, include: A 19" KX-1901 Profeel monitor, $850, which is controlled by 
the VIX-1000R access tuner, $520, that's sitting atop it, and the hand-held RM-705 
wireless remote control, $65. On either side of the КХ-1901 are Sony's SS-X1A side- 
mount stereo speakers, $80 the pair. In the foreground is Sony's lightweight portable 
Betopak 51-2000 recorder, $1150, ond TT-2000 tuner/programable timer, $350. 


ttention, video-disc-player jockeys! At the rear of the 

photo above right is Pioneer's VP-1000 LaserDisc, 
which plays a virtually indestructible computer-coded stereo disc; the unit features a 
remote control that allows you to show a program in slow motion, fast motion, still 
frame and scan, $800. Next to the VP-1000 is RCA's CED-format disc player, 
which reads and shows a video disc without your having to remove it from the 
protective jacket; speed scanning in forward and reverse is another feature, $500. 119 


PLAYBOY 


120 Canon unit 


includes a monitor screen (your choice of 
19-inch or 25-inch at 3850 and $1500, 
respectively), a component TV tuner 
(the VTX-I000R, for $520) controlled 
by an infrared remote unit that can feed 
a high-quality audio signal to your exist- 
ing stereo system or power a pair of tiny 
acousticsuspension SS-X1 A $80 speakers. 

Profeel is only one approach to the 
problem of hi-fi video. The giant Mat- 
sushita Electric Company (Panasonic's 
parent company) recently unveiled a TV 
with a picture that compares favorably 
with the sharpness and detail of 35- 
millimeter film and another that fea- 
tures a 3-D picture created by the use 
of special glasses. 

But don't ask your dealer for any 
of that just yet. Matsushita isn't prom- 
ising consumer models in the foreseeable 
future. However, other manufacturers 
not only are promising better TV receiv- 
ers, they're actually delivering them. 
The improvements generally fall into 
four areas: multichannel tuners designed 
for cable connection that eliminates the 
need for the unattractive cable box; 
stereo audio: an array of input and out- 
put jacks to allow for connection with 
other audio and video components; and 
high-definition receivers that dramatical- 
ly reduce the amount of video “noise” 
in the picture. 


CHEAP THRILLS 


Sanyo led the way toward less expen- 
sive video recording with a no-frills 
low-cost Beta video recorder (Model 
9100A, $695). While the new economy 
models from Sears, Sharp. Sony, Zenith, 
RCA, Magnavox, Panasonic and Quasar 
aren't inexpensive, they all have sug- 
gested retail prices of $1000 or less, 
which means that some are discounted 
in stores to as little as $600. Generally, 
these cheaper sets are minus long-term 
programers (most can be preset to tape 
only one show in a 24-hour period), el 
tronic tuning, etc. And there are no 
fast- or slow-motion modes, no visual 
search and no freeze frame. 

Sony, Zenith and Sharp budget models 
also feature front slot loading, such as 
is found on some audio-cassette decks. 
"These models can thus be housed on 
bookshelves with low headroom ог 
stacked with other components. 


You 


М TAKE IT WITH YOU 


Canon, Sony, JVC, Panasonic, Akai 
and other battery-operated portable 
VCRs are getting smaller and easier to 
tote. The Canon recorder and camera 
together weigh less than 1l pounds, 
including batteries; and Sony's new 
SL-2000 recorder weighs only nine. The 
is virtually identical to 


the lightweight portable VCR system 
introduced by Technicolor and uses the 
same quarter-inch CVG format tape, 
which is roughly the size of an audio 
cassette. 

In general, the new portables from 
RGA, Panasonic, JVC, Akai and the rest 
are a pound or two lighter than the 
models they replace and shave several 
cubic inches off the size. 


HOME BODIES 


For many of us, the most adventure- 
some piece of video equipment is the 
onepiece recorder /tuner/timer that sits 
close to the television set and does our 
ding. These models make up the big- 
gest chunk of the video market and their 
sales have been very brisk. The newer 
topof-theline entries from RCA and 
Panasonic feature freeze frame, single- 
frame advance and a wireless remote 
control so you can order your machine 
from across the room without accident- 
ally tripping over the cord. But whereas 
last season's goodies introduced long- 
term programability, this season the em- 
phasis seems to be on fastspeed visual 
search. It allows the machine to advance 
or rewind the tape at nine times normal 
speed while the tape is still in contact 
with the heads—hence, you can preview 
an entire hour program in just a few 
minutes. More importantly, you can 
also speed through taped commercials. 
Magnavox, Hitachi, Panasonic and RCA 
all have incorporated fast visual search 
on their new models. The Beta version 
available on Sony, Sanyo and others 
is called Betascan and does virtually 
the same thing. In addition, Panasonic's 
new PV-1770 ($1595) has four heads in- 
stead of the usual two, which makes for 
sharper pictures, particularly in the su- 
perslow, six-hour recording mode. 


FOCUSING ON CAMERAS 


Video-camera prices have taken a tum- 
ble since the days when black-and-white 
models sold for $900. This season, a 
compact, lightweight color camera (the 
Sharp QC-30) will cost $599, with si 
lar easy-to-use portables from Magnavox, 
JVC, Panasonic, Sony, Hitachi and RCA. 

Cameras are not only smaller, lighter 
and cheaper; they're also easier to use. 
The Akai VC-XI (51295), for example, 
is to videography what the Instamatic 
is to still pictures—a virtually foolproof 
shooter that turns in professional-look- 
ing results effortlessly, thanks to micro- 
computer-controlled automatic locus and 
adjustment. 


THE NEW DISCOGRAPHY 


We've already mentioned the video 
disc in our section on digitally recorded 


stereophonic sound. Actually, there are 
two video discs—the laser-optical variety 
ntroduced three years ago by Magna- 
vox and the CED model, an RCA prod- 
uct that may lack some of the high 
technology of the laser type but which 
sells for a significantly lower price. The 
laser system, besides offering audio 
stereo, has the ability to locate an ind 
vidual frame, to be digitally indexed 
and to perform such stunts as slow mo- 
n. reverse and single-frame advance. 

CED players, available from Sears. 
RCA, Sanyo, Hitachi and Toshiba and 
others, all cost about $500 and produce 
pictues of striking quality. The discs— 
there are approximately 150 titles in the 
catalog so far (sorry no X-rated en- 
tries)—cost from $15 to 528, with a typ- 
ical feature film priced at less than $20. 
Unlike laser discs, which look something 
like conventional audio discs except for 
their metallic color, CED discs come in 
a plastic sleeve or caddy that is inserted 
into the player along with the disc. The 
idea of the caddy is to avoid dust and 
fingerprints on the pla 

There's a third form of video disc 
waiting in the wings—VHD, a project 
of Matsushita, which includes Panason- 
ic, Quasar and JVC. VHD combines 
some of the best features of the existing 
systems, including multichannel di, 
audio, economy of manufacture and 
CED's caddy idea. It's due for introduc 
tion sometime this year. 


PICTURES FROM OUTER SPACE 


When the cable-TV industry har- 
nessed space technology in 1975 to d 
tribute feature films for pay-TV, many 
Americans regarded it as science fiction 
Four years later, Neiman-Marcus fea- 
tured а satellite-TV receiver as the 
ultimate Christmas gift, at a price of 
$36,500. This year, satellite TV is he- 
coming a practical reality for thousands 
of Americans living outside metropoli- 
tan areas. 

The new generation of satellite re- 
ceiving equipment includes a number 
of budget systems priced as low as $4000, 
plus the entry of some familiar names 
into a business heretofore dominated 
by mom-and-pop manufacturers and 
makers of professional antenna equip- 
ment. Four thousand doll: is about 
half of what similar systems sold for a 
year ago. (Next month, PLAYBOY 
cover the satellite phenomenon.) 


LARGER-THAN-LIFE TV. 


When the first largescreen and pro- 
jection TV systems appeared a few years 
back, many of us wondered why any- 
body would want one at any price, 

(concluded on page 158) 


Fou) 


and 


Wilson 


“He's not only a wonderful human being, he's a great ape as well.” 


121 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNY FREYTAG 
ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPHY BY NEIL LEIFER 


2 
т 
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| 
El [Doheny = 


: WEWUZROBBED! - 


RR 2:12 254 123: 823: 2245:152 88] 
= = 


| sports By John Blumenthal axpy клоғмам was im trouble. The self-proclaimed Intergender Wrestling j 
ЯШ Champion of the World had been flipped. jackknifed, half-nelsoned, arm-barred. leg-dropped and mauled (| 
| pez] steadily for the past ten minutes, and now the Challenger, Playmate Susan Smith, was positioned atop his | ese 
35 | limp body, her knees grinding into his shoulders. Red-faced and drooling, his shirt ripped and blood- [331 
E ained, Kaufman just lay there like a corpse, exhausted, beaten, ready to (lex! continued оп page 130) | Fez) 
T T | 
TR in one corner, a playmate; 
al in the other, 


the intergender wrestling 
{| champion of the world. 
{| but who really won? | 
ARANA 


Although well versed in karate, Susan had no wrestling experience, sa we enlisted the help of trainer Jim Stephan. Above, Stephan and 
Smith go to the mats for a prebout workout. Sun-lamp meditation (SLM), an ancient Hindu discipline known principally to the natives 
of Malibu, helped Susan psych up (below left), while a diet of raw steak (below right) brought out those hitherto latent animal instincts. 


Kaufman claims thot women fall for him (to the mats, that is) becouse he's got superior mental capabilities. How does he keep that mind fit? 
"The reason I'm able to beat women in wrestling,” he says, "is becouse of my intense concentration and power of the mind. | practice 
transcendental meditation and yoga and that’s how | keep in shape.” Below, the Champ demonstrates a few of his preparatory moves. 


Prior to the offi weigh-in (above), Andy and Susan had never met. After the wi їп, Susan wished they never had. Kaufman was 
hostile, accusing his opponent of being infatuated with him, baiting her with low-blow insults. But Susan's unwavering poise ultimately 


caused the Champ to lose his cool and he stooped ta violence, only to be held off by referee Bob Zmuda (above center). “1 know more 
about wrestling in my little finger than you do in your whole body!” Kaufman shrieked os he wos carted out of the room (above right), 


from left: Susan "Killer" S, (36-24-36) stands con- 
fidently in her corner, ready to do battle with the self-proclaimed 
Intergender Wrestling Champion of the World, Andy Kaufman. 
Having heard rumors that the Champ occasionally resorts to chok- 
ing, kicking and hair pulling when under the threat of defeat, the 
Challenger thought it wise to have her ample tresses securely tied 
before mixing it up. With referee “Pretty Boy” Larry Sharpe officiat- 
ing, the two anxious moulers start off with a stondard arm- 
interlock grapple. The grudge match of the century wos under way. 


grace as е humon kite. On their first encounter, Susan flipped him bockward to the mot. Kaufmon responded with a standard headlock, 
only to discover thot his opponent not only knew how to extricote herself but could flip him in the process. Later, o much-womonhandled 
Andy offered a phony peoce gesture, but the Chollenger, sensibly, declined. Below, Kaufman manages to wriggle free from a neor pin 


Left, top to bottom: Trying 
desperotely to reoch for the 
legal safety of the ropes, 
Kaufman is held back by his 
wily opponent, os referee 
Sharpe looks on. By this time, 
the motch had proceeded a 
good ten minutes and Kauf- 
man had hod his shoulders 
Pinned for several two-counts, 
while Smith had managed to 
keep out of serious danger. 


His energy sopped, his shirt ripped to shreds, the Intergender Chomp lies down on his back for a short breather, shoulder blodes touch- 
ing the mat for an easy three-count (above). Unfortunately for Susan, referee Sharpe wasn't paying attention at the crucial time. 


«> " C — 70А 


With Sharpe off arguing with Zmudo, who hod illegally stepped into the ring a few moments before, Kaufman regains his energy ond turns 
Susan over (above left). Meantime, Sharpe grabs Zmuda by the arms and legs and rudely flings him out of the ring (above right). 


Although Susan's shoulder blades were clearly not both touching the mat (above left), Shorpe returned briefly to give her a fost three-count 
ond Kaufman emerged victorious and still champeen. Above right, Kaufmon beoms while referee Sharpe continues to reprimand Zmuda, 127 


Don't let the smile fool you—Susan Smith is nof infatuated with Andy Kaufman. In fact, the only reason she's 


holding Andy's picture in this particular manner is to alert him ta the following announcement: "I am the 


Intergender Wrestling Champion of the World,” she says. "1 won that match at least twice, maybe even 
^ Did you get that, Andy? 


three times. It’s on video tape and when it’s broadcast, the whole world will know." 


"Yes," Suson Smith says, “there's the possibility thot | would agree ta a rematch with Andy Kaufman, but only if his referee, Zmuda, is 
kept away fram the ring ond only if they hire с totally impartial ref. Under those conditions, Kaufman wouldn't last c minute." 


throw in the towel. His shoulder blades 
were touching the mat for one . . - 
two... three... four . . . five full sec- 
onds, and pandemonium had broken out 
in the crowd. 

But something was wrong. The ref- 
етее, “Pretty Boy” Larry Sharpe, a pro- 
fessional wrestler hired by Playboy to 
ensure a fair fight, had turned away 
from the action during the crucial few 
seconds. By the time he noticed what 
was happening in the ring, it was too 
late. 

. 

It was to be the proverbial battle of 
the sexes. Man against Woman in a test 
of physical strength and intellect. Beauty 
versus the Beast. "It's impossible for a 
woman to beat a man in wrestling,” 
Kaufman had taunted. “They may have 
the brawn, but they don’t have the 


"| was the neighborhood tomboy,” Susan 
says, attempting to explain why she even 
agreed to wrestle Kaufman in the first 
place. “1 always liked anything that had to 
do with beating people up. . . . Not really, 
just kidding. Actually, I’m а pacifist.“ 


PLAYBOY 


brains." For the past couple of years, 
опе of the mainstays of Kaufman's act 
has been to challenge women in his 
audiences, offering $1000 and the Inter- 
gender Wrestling Championship title to 
any female who could pin him in three 
minutes. He had a trainer, an ex-pro 
wrestler named Buddy “Nature Boy” 
Rogers, and his own referee, Bob 
Zmuda. Miraculously, after more than 
300 matches, Kaufman had never been 
beaten. 

But he'd never been challenged by 
anyone other than audience volunteers, 
women who had come to th local 
theaters for no other reason than to see 
a night of comedy featuring the man. 
who plays Latka on Taxt and a robot 
in Heartbecps. Although he had battled 
women of all shapes and sizes, Kaufman 
had never wrestled a woman of real 
athletic prowess. What would happen 
if he did? 

To find out, Playboy challenged the 
so-called Intergender Champ to a bout 
ith Playmate Susan Smith. Susa 
appeared on our September 1981 gate- 
fold and, her natural physical charms 
aside, she is one tough cookie. She is a 
Karate expert. She is a self-proclaimed 
tomboy. She is the type of woman you 
would not be surprised to sce arm- 
wrestling a truck driver in a smoke-filled 
barroom. And winning. 

With only the slightest trepidation, 
Kaufman accepted our challenge, but he 
was quick to point out that wrestling 
was something he took very, very set 
ously. “This is not comedy,” he told us. 
“This is not satire. I'm a serious wrestler. 
There'll be no hocus-pocus, no hodge- 
podge. It's got to bc totally on the 
level." He was so adamant about the seri- 
ousness of it all that he refused to pose 
for any mock photos and sternly vetoed 
our idea of playing the Rocky theme 
song when Susan entered the ring. 

And so we agreed to what we thought 
was to be a legitimate wrestling match, 
t0 be held on October 11, 1981, at 
Playboy's Atlantic City Hotel and Ca- 
sino. A regulation ring was built. Susan 
began training twice a week with wres- 
ding coach Jim Stephan. Posters were 
printed. Publicity releases were sent out, 
Contracts were drawn up and signed. 
The Playboy Channd Оп Escapade 
decided to tape the bout for its new 
cable-TV operation. "There would be a 
weigh-in before the match. Six prelimi 
nary bouts with volunteers from the 
audience would precede the main event. 
Kaufman's own referee, Zmuda, would 
oversee the prelims, but Playboy would 
hire its own ref for the championship 
bout. 

We weren't taking апу chances. 

б 
is she training with?” Kauf 


“Who, иһ, 


132 man inquired over the phone. “Is she 


training with professionals or what 

“No, no, no,” we assured him, as one 
ate a nosy ten-year-old. “Her 
a high school coach. Noth- 


ing to worry about.” 


"I was, uh, just curious.” 

Curious is the word, all right. In the 
wecks preceding the match. Kaufman 
must have asked us that question ten 
times. Somehow, we were not convinced 
that his professed earnestness about 
wrestling was 100 percent on the level. 
He was, at best, a balllement. 

“Andy's not a comedian,” his press 
agent had told us. “He's an entertainer.” 

We first noticed him on Saturday 
Night Live several years ago. when his 
"act" consisted of beating on two steel 
drums and singing a Calypsolike tune 
in gibberish. Other times he simply lip- 
synched to scratchy recordings of Old 
MacDonald Had a Farm and the Mighty 
Mouse theme song. And on yet another 
occasion, he read aloud from The Great 
Gatsby. 

Perhaps his most controv 


al act in- 


volves a character called Tony Clifton 


an obno: 


us lounge singer who tells 


lousy jokes, wears an ill-fitting toupee 
and insults the audience. Kaufman 
claims that he and Clifton are two 


different people. He even goes so far as 
to arrange for separate parking spaces at 
theaters in which Clifton is perform- 
ing—one space for Tony, the other for 
Andy. 

Time magazine called Kaufman one 
of the new crop of “PostFunny” come- 
dians. Rolling Stone cover-lined an art 
cle “WHY ANDY KAUFMAN 15 NOT FUN. 
But others see him as an absurdist of the 
first order, a talented impr nal 
actor who is able to take a character— 
whether it's Tony Clifton or a wrestling. 
male chauvinist—and immerse himself 
so completely in the part that you never 
know for sure if he's acting. Kaufman 
wants you to think that he's crazy. He 
often succeeds. 

And so it suddenly became important 
for us to sec what would happen if 
Susan Smith actually beat him in wres- 
tling. How would he react? Would he 
break out of character? Would the real 
Andy Kaufman emerge? Was there a real 
Andy Kaufman? 


. 

“Feel this,” Susan said in a low, taunt- 
ing voice. “Go ahead, feel it.” 

She was sitting on a high barstool 
the Playboy Hotel and Casino's Tahitian 
Room, making a muscle bulge in her 
wrist. We all took turns fecling it for 
pethaps the fourth time in two days. It 
was an impressive muscle, no doubt 


“She's in great shape,” said her train- 


т. "She knows her stuft.” 


heard he fights dirty,” said one of 
the photo assistants. “He pulls hair and 
kicks. What are you going to do if he 
starts fighting dirty?" 

АП eyes turned to Susan, who had 
been sipping unenthusiastically at a tall 
fruit drink. Without a word, she flat- 
tened her right hand into a karate mode 
and slammed it down on the surface of 
the bar. 

The glasses jumped. 

. 

Andy and Susan had never met. The 
weigh-in would be their first confronta- 
tion. Kaufman, we had heard from one 
of the hotel managers, had arrived in At- 
lantic City the night before, accor 
panied by his manager. His mother, his 
father and his brother arrived the same 
evening. 

Susan, arms folded protectively, was 
waiting for her opponent in the weigh- 
Mrs. Kaufman, a diminutive 
lady with short, stylish hair and an in- 
scrutable expression, sat on a camera 
case outside. Her husband was inside, 
busy snapping Polaroids. 

Suddenly, Andy, accompanied by 
Zmuda, rounded the corner and stormed 
into the room. The cameras began roll- 
ing and clicking away as he scrutinized 
his female opponent. The weighing-in 
ceremony proceeded (Susan registered 
198, Andy 161), and then a member of 
the press asked Kaufman what he 
thought about his challenger. 

“I don't think she has too much up 
here,” he said, putting a finger to his 
temple. “That's how 1 feel about all the 
PLAYBOY Pla tes. They're all airheads; 


room. 


"How can you seriously think yo 
gonna beat * Kaufman asked. “I 
don't understand how somcone who is 
basically an airhead can learn the holds, 
the strategy that's required in а wres- 
g match. 
You did," Susan replied. 

"He's got a big weight advantage," 
somconc from the side lines. "How 
do you feel about t 


Susan shrugged. “The bigger they 
come, the harder they fall.” 
She's just talking in clichés" Kauf- 


man said angrily. “1 am the Intergender 
Wrestling Champion of the World! I 
have never been beaten in over 300 
matches! I have a belt to prove it! I've 


never lost a match! 
‘You're infatuated with me, aren't 
you?" Kaufman ranted at his opponent. 


She shook her head. “Is it because of 
шу talent onstage? Or my good looks?" 
“I'm not infatuated with you.” 
Kaufman persisted. “How does it feel 
that you're going to actually get to have 
(continued on page 161) 


Since video games аге the jelly beans of the BIG BUSINESS LIBERALS 
mind, w pected that Ed Meese might rent CO Protect it told New Dealers 
one for the Gipper. Опе of our editors, disguised THEG.OP. eon 

as a gardencr, slipped into the Oval Offs hrough (Ө elect it abort labor pains 


the Rose Garden, An obviously startled President X THE MILITARY MINORITIES 
Reagan looked up the national controls and g 44 resurrect it floor the poor 


said, “As good as I'm getting at this, those po SSeS WALTER THE ELDERLY 
folks out there had better start playing Defender. FER, : let it trickle down who needs ‘em? 133 


- | 
€ ULTIMATE 
a tale of fast times and high adventure in the best 
ski resorts north america has to offer 


Sports By JAMES R. PETERSEN and TOM PASSAVANT 
t 


Editor's Note: A little mor: 1 two years ago, high points of their account—which is not paid 
the authors of this A PLAYBOY in full, no matter what they think! 

staffers—convinced soft touch in this cor- 
poration’s book-pui arm to commission 


CRESTED BUTTE 


them to take the winter off and embark on a We crouched/huddled with five passengers in 
quest for the ultimate ski experience. They а tiny single-engine Cessna, attempting a come 

would spend their days the best slopes оп muter flight from Denyer to Crested Butte, 

the continent and their sampling restau- Colorado. God willing, no intermediate stops. 

rants, bars and whate they might run The front r: 

into. Their hardworking colleagues back in a 
Chicago could at least take comfort in the fact 


that these bozo ү d overtime. Here, 


produced, are the 


carded in апу selCrespectin 
sucked on a plastic tube | 


PLAYBOY 


136 


ceiling. Government regulations require 
that pilots flying over the front range in 
unpressurized aircraft maintain a reason- 
able supply of oxygen. Passengers are 
left to their own devices. Panic. Remem- 
brance of things past. Against all odds, 
the plane made it through (as opposed 
to over) the mountain pass and began to 
descend toward ап airfield nestled 
against a peak that looked ridiculously 
like a vanilla Tastee-Freez cone. We 
noticed the wreckage of a small plane 
lying askew in the mud surrounding 
the gravel runway. "Oh, yeah," said the 
pilot, “we lost one a couple of months 
ago. It happens. No problem 

"The plane landed and we found our- 
selves in Crested Butte, the small resort. 
co-owned by Bo Callaway, the former 
campaign manager for Gerald Ford. A 
great place to practice our professional- 
journalist act. We were met by a bearded 
PR agent who explained that Crested 
Butte was populated by eccentrics, bull- 
goose loonies and refugees from Aspen. 
It was the home of the Ski-to-Die Club, 
roller racquetball, the Miss Grubstake 
pageant and a concoction called Flaming 
Gorilla Tits. The accepted way to catch 
a waitress’ attention in a bar was to yell 
out “Nurse!” We were on our own. 

Twenty-four hours later, we found 
oursclves surrounded by locals at onc of 
the several world-class restaurants down 
the tiny Victorian gold-rush town. 
Crisp table linen, candles, crystal, the 
works. At the end of the meal, one of 
our companions asked [or a clean white 
plate. While the waitress poured coffee, 
the woman chopped up a gram of coke 
on the plate and passed it around the 
table. Passavant asked, "Are we out- 
side the twelve-mile limit?’ 

“At least,” replied Petersen. “I think 
I've died and gone to Hollywood." 

The next day, we were sharing the 
Silver Queen chair with two of the many 
Nordic skiers who zoom along Crested 
Butte's downhill trails. Their motto is 
linimal equipment, maximum man," 
with a maintenance dose of mind-alter- 
ing drugs. The chair lift broke when we 
were 80 feet above the ground. The 
cross country skiers shouted to one an- 
other, "You want to get out here?" They 
explained that they always carried com- 
plete evacuation kits in their backpacks. 
Reconsidering, they decided to stay with 
us—the perfect hosts. One guy filled a 
pipe with marijuana, then asked his 
partner in the lead chair for a match. 

“L have a match. Why don't you pass 
the opie up here?” came the reply. 

“No, I have the pipe, why don't you 
pass the matches back here?” the first 
insisted. 

A voice interrupted from the chair 
behind us: “I have a pipe and a match, 
Why don't you come back here?” 


We asked who the guy in back was. 
Our guide looked over his shoulder and 
calmly remarked, “The town sheriff.” 
We asked if we could borrow the evacua- 
tion kits. 

Two days kuer, we escaped—barely. 
A Med-eyac helicopter flew us over Pearl 
Pass into Aspen. Somewhat wiser, we 
sucked on oxygen tubes in a vain at- 
tempt to clear our hangovers. Had we 
peaked too carly? 


ASPEN 


Our first impression of Aspen—drawn 
from the executive jets with custom 
paint jobs at the airport—was that this 
is where Learjets come to mate. Other 
impressions caught up fast. A Mellow 
Yellow Taxi transported us to our lodge, 
where we noticed two beautiful women 
climbing out of a Jeep Renegade. They 
looked as though they had been fur 
trapping for months: Each wore an 
endangered species on her back, with 
two extras over each arm. “Oh, that's my 
first wife and my soon-to-be-ex-wife mu 
ber two,” our host explained. Current 
liv number three, maybe the most ap- 
pealing of the lot, frowned but didn't 
complain. 

Cruising the town later, we spicd a 
sparkling green Bentley parked in the 
local Husky gas station. The Bentley 
had white-sidewall snow tires. It was 
very late by the time we had dinner that 
night, but were pretty sure that the 
silver-haired matron at the next table 
turned to her companion and com- 
plained, “You know, our maid stole the 
best dope we ever had.” Welcome to 
Aspen. 

It used to be that after a day of skiing 
in Aspen, people would sit around and 
talk about drugs, sex and the carved 
turn. Now they talk about drugs, sex 
and real-estate deals. Escrow. Points. 
Three-year balloons. Aspen is like a 
poker game where someone has just 
raised the table stakes to an astronom- 
ical sum in order to drive out the ama- 
teurs. The game is the same, only it costs 
a lot more. The best-selling T-shirt in 
Aspen proclaims: COCAINE, CASH 
CAVIAR. The town has gone from back- 
packer to pocketbooks. You're never sure 
if you're dealing with a vacationer from 
back East who's saved all year for the 
trip or with а trust-fund refugee who 
lives here because he likes the company 
of other rich folks. You'd best play it 
safe and always assume the latter. Don’ 
for example, be surprised when the 
woman who works as a hostess at the 
airport tells you that she has just sold her 
house for $350,000 or that her friend, 
who is really rich, just landed a job 
flipping hamburgers at the Highlands 
cafeteria. 


n- 


AND 


Most of the locals work for a li 
and they are generally competent and 
industrious. They have to be: The fast 
town of legend belongs to the 18-year- 
old waitress away from home for the first 
time, and to the superrich who drop in 
for two months before moving on to 
the islands (апу islands). The locals have 
the savoir-faire to deal with the rich 
Texan who, when he found out he 
couldn't rent a four-wheel-drive vehicle 
in town, muttered darkly about turning 
around and going homc, except that 
he'd already sent his pilot back to Lub- 
bock with the plane. The story goes that 
he then went out and bought his own 
jeep and found someone in town willing 
to drive it back to the ranch when he 
was finished with it. We kept trying to 
separate the myths from the realities of 
Aspen: but every time we stood alone 
in a lift line and yelled “Single!” some- 
опе took it as a proposition. After a 
weck or so, we stopped worrying about 
those distinctions and finished our 
Christmas shopping. 

We skied with a local merchant on 
his day off. Why, we asked, had he cho- 
sen to live in Aspen? This is what he 
said: “There's an unofficial rating system 
for days at Aspen, from 1 to 100. Good 
snow and a clear day is an 80 or so. Ten 
inches of new snow and a day warm 
enough to ski without a jacket is in the 
mid-90s. Add good friends and some 
good wine and smoke and you hit 97 
Ten inches of new snow, good friends, 
drink and smoke, plus a woman on the 
chair with you performing carnal acts 
on your body, is 98. If the woman on 
the chair is Cheryl Tiegs, you have a 99. 
My average day here is about a 95. 
"Thats why I like Aspen.” 

On perfect days, two local, unofficial 
Ski dubs—the Flyers and the Buck- 
aroos—gather at the top of the ridge of 
Bell Mounta е fighter planes peel- 
ing off formation, the club members 
sweep through the bumps playing fol- 
low-theleader. They hit the smoother 
runs in the gully, synchronize Astral- 
tunes and cruise, skiing in cach other's 
tracks. Riding the last chair of the da: 
they can make out their groove—it 
catches in the setting sun and glistens 
brighter than the random tracks of the 
crowd. We asked our guide—the chef at 
the Crystal Palace—how one becomes a 
member of the dub. “The only require- 
he said, “is keeping up.” If there 
is a motto for Aspen, that’s it. 


8. 


SUMMIT COUNTY 


When we arrived at the Keystone 
Lodge in Summit County, Colorado, 
Passavant told Petersen, “You'd be a 
fool not to invite your girlfriend here. 
This place is instant memories. Women 

(continued on page 202) 


“Watch out! He gets you laughing and, zip, he's under your skirt!" 


Ттт 


dns 


PLAYBOY 


148 


“TU say one thing for you, Morton—you’re the 
only man I know who can complete the whole action at 
F/6 in 0.5 seconds without moving!" 


lecherous anonymous 


While ig in Church (1880) 
The Betsy that 1 used to know 
When she was three times five 

Had eyes that lit an amorous glow— 
The prettiest girl alive. 


Behold her now, a married dame, 
Huge, burly. fat and coarse, 

A butcher's face, a wresller's frame, 
Hindquarters of a horse! 


Her sister, Athenais, sits 
Beside her in the pew. 

I wonder if that lass forgets 
What once I used to do. 


When she was young, 1 put my hand 
Into her frock behind 

And stroked her little fairyland 
While she was so inclined. 


She'd giggle, smirk and wince about, 
Then quiet to subduedness. 

She eyes me kindly—she no doubt 
Remembers all that lewdnes 


Yes, eyes me most luxuriously, 

With glances bright, beseeching. 
How pleasantly the moments fly 
While Mr. Golterill's preaching! 


1 see she flees an amorous smart, 
Thinks on the wiles of men, 

Combining in her virtuous heart 
Some thoughts of now and then. 


The Sound Country Lass (1719) 
These London wenches are so stout, 
They care not what they do; 

They will not let you have a bout 
Without a crown or two. 


They double their chops and curl their locks, 
Their breaths perfume they do; 

Their tails are peppered with the pox, 

And that you're welcome to. 


But give me the buxom country lass, 
Hot piping from the cow, 

That will take a roll upon the grass, 
Aye, marry, and thank you, too. 


Her color's as fresh as a rose in June, 

Her temper as kind as a dove; 

She'll please the swain with a wholesome tune 
And freely give her love. 


Good Susan, Be As Secret As You Can (17th Century) 
Good Susan, be as secrel as you can; 

You know your husband is a jealous man 

Though you and 1 do mean no harm nor ill, 

Yet men take women in the worst sense still, 

And fear of horns more grief of heart hath bred 

Than wearing horns hath caused an aching head. 


Busts and Bosoms Have I Known (20th Century) 
Busts and bosoms hu 
Of various shapes and 
From grievous disappointments 
To jubilant surprises. 


several verses by poets who forgot to leave their names 


Ribald Classic 


A Maiden’s Denial (1656) 
Nay, pish; nay, phew! Nay, faith, and will you? Fie? 
A gentleman and use me thus? ГИ cry, 
Nay, God's body, what means this? Nay, fie, for shame, 
Nay, faith, away! Nay, fie, you are to blame. 

Hark! Somebody comes! Hands off, I pray! 

P'U pinch, PU scratch, ГИ spurn, ГИ тип away. 

Nay, faith, you strive in vain, you shall not speed. 

You mar my ruff, you hurt my back, I bleed. 

Look how the door's ajar, somebody see: 
Your buttons scratch. In faith, you hurt my 
Look, sir, what you are doing 1 disown; 
You mar my clothes, you tear my smock. Had 1 but known 
So much before, 1 would have shut you out. 

Is this a proper thing you go about? 

I did not think that it would end in this, 

Bul now I see you took my smile am 
I merely hoped we'd be the closest friends. 

And how you've used me now! Please make amends. 
Hold still, PU wipe your face; you sweat amain: 
You've won a goodly prize with all that pain. 
Alas, how hot 1 am! What will you drink? 

If you go sweating down, what will they think? 
The time has come when we must say adieu— 
Doubtless, ere long, I'll take a kinder view. 

If any man but you had used me so, 

Would I have put it up? In faith, sir, no. 

Nay, go not yel; stay here and sup with me, 
And then, at cards, we better shall agree. 


nees. 


149 


ILLUSTRATION BY BRAO HOLLANO 


20 QUESTIONS: KAREN ALLEN 


americas newest cinema sweetheart talks about men, religious cults and 
snakes she has met—especially the ones in “raiders of the lost ark” 


ontributing Editor David Rensin 
Cc met with actress Karen Allen in her 
Los Angeles hotel room. The plucky, 
comely star of last summer's box-office 
smash “Raiders of the Lost Ark” was in 
town to tape the “Fridays” show. Says 
Rensin: “As wonderful as Karen Allen 
looks, our conversation revealed that 
there's much more to this woman than 
meets the eye. She has done years of 
theater work, as well as movies such as 
‘The Wanderers, ‘Cruising, ‘A Small 
Circle of Friend? and ‘National Lam- 
poon's Animal House.’ Her latest film, 
‘Captured, is about religious cults. 
Frankly, if there were a Karen Allen 
cult, 1 wouldn't mind approaching 
strangers in airports on her behalf.” 


PLAYBOY: In one article we read, the 
reporter was so obviously smitten chat 
his descriptions of you were rhapsodic. 
How can you tell when someone's fall- 
ing in love with you? 
ALLEN: I was really surprised when I 
read that piece, because when I sat down 
im at the restaurant, I immediate- 
ly knocked my drink on the floor and 
thought, Ob, God, this is going to be 
disastrous. Actually, we had: a very nice 
conversation. As for someone falling for 
m guilty of not being 
astute in that way. "That's what some of 
my friends tell me. Unless we're falling 
in love simultancously, I'm u re of 
Sometimes it's love at first sight—you 
know, 
feeling that incredible attraction 
you want to dismiss as only an in 
ble attraction. But it’s all you have to 
goon 

And you have to trust that instinct, 
which will sometimes lead you astray, 
because people are not always what they 
appear to be. And then there are times 
when it happens with someone you've 
known for a long time as a friend. And 
then, all of a sudden. .. . 


2. 


эглувоу: Which do you prefer? 
ALLEN: I think the second way is the 
healthier of the two, because then the 
love is on top of some foundation 
One of the strangest changes that һа 


seeing someone across a room, 
that 


occurred between men and women is all 
freedom of sexuality. You have 
people immediately jumping into bed 


PHOTOGRAPHY FOR PLAYBOY BY MICHAEL O'NEILL/© 1081 


together—it's like fast food. What hap- 
pens, often, is that you experience a 
Kind of intimacy with someone before 
you know anything about him. Then 
you try to catch up. And when you can't 
catch up, it's usually detrimental to the 
relationship. 


3. 


PLAYBOY: Has that been a problem? 
ALLEN: For me? Years ago. I'd been with. 
one person for about four years until 
recently, so 1 was experiencing a totally 
different side of things. But I think it 
was a problem for people 1 knew when 
everyone went "Yippee! We're going to 
do exactly what we want to do and be 
impulsive and instinctive!" It created a 
whole new set of problems that nobody 
really understood. 


4 


PLAYBoy: In your movie about college 
life in the late Sixties and early $ 
enties, A Small Circle of Friends, you're 
involved in a ménage à trois. The ar- 
rangement seems very sweet, charming 
and natural. Now, looking back, would. 
you say that kind of experience was 
easier then? 

ALLEN: I guess the answer is yes. It 
sceins harder to have an experience like 
that today than it would have ten years 
ago. But I don't know if it's just because 
you go through certain experiences and 
then move on to others or if they're just 
not that interesting now because they're 
fa . When I'm around college-aged 
it doesn't seem as if that 
experi i veryone seems 
to have become very bookish, competi- 
tive. Fraternities are back. Dress codes 
are back. "Things we fought to get rid of. 


Б. 


praynoy: Is romance m: 
in the Eighties? 

ALLEN: It's on the upsurge. Maybe it's a 
different kind of romantic approach, 
though. Things are more complex today 
because of changing attitudes about sex- 
ual roles. No one knows how to act. Гуе 
always led an individualistic life: in a 
way, spontaneous and impulsive. Some- 
times it has made men insecure. It made 
it difficult to have consistent or long- 
term relationships. But a lot of things 
are changing for me right now. I'm feel- 
ing as though I'd like to be a little more 


ing a comeback 


stable. Strangely, about a dozen people 
1 know are suddenly getting married. 
Others are now having their first chil- 
dren. On the other hand, because of the 
decision to postpone marriage for so 
long, some people have become harder 
to coexist with. They're not as flexible. I 
have three men friends—just friends— 
who go on and on about the women 
they see. And it's just like Woody Allen 
Manhattan. "These men wish they could. 
find one perfect woman who combined. 
certain qualitics found in each of the 
many women they currently sce. These 
people are limited because they 
believe things will never change; that if 
а woman is lacking in one quality or 
another, that's it. People grow. A good 
friend once said that eventually you 
love people—triends ог lovers—because 
of their flaws. 


6. 


PLAYBOY: Your newest movie, Captured, 
is about religious cults and the depro- 
graming process. The subject both 
controversial and full of contradictions. 
What have you learned about cults from 
making the film? Do you sce anything 
positive in them? 

ALLEN: In the film, the cult is a utopian 
kind of environment that’s very modern- 
tic and self-sufficient. Everyone in the 
community is chaste. There is no sex- 
uality, to the extent that a lot of women 
have stopped having their periods and 
the men have stopped having to shave. 
The cult goes out into the M and 
tries to bring in the healthiest, most in- 
telligent and most productive desde 
in society. What makes these people vul- 
nerable is that they've gotten to a point 
their lives where they lack direction. 
And, strangely enough, it is usually the 
most intelligent people who join these 
things. There are 2,000,000 people in 
this country in religious cults and some 
e ard and Yale graduates. The 
film doesn't take sides. The cult is not 
portrayed as a horrible, weird place, and 
the parents are not portrayed as villains 
or good guys. And the deprogramer has 
an ironic point of view about what 
he's doing. There's a total lack of spiritu- 
ality in this culture. Many of the people 
I met who had gone into these cults were 
normal. They came from both extremely 
wealthy homes and from the streets. And 
the one thing (continued on page 207) 


RESEARCH AND HIGH TECH" === 
DEVELOPMENTS TA RADIALS 2 


# IN A SERIES OF TECHNICAL REPORTS FROM BFGOODRICH 


OBJECTIVE: Develop a tread compound with high traction and low 
hysteresis levels, to fulfill handling and high speed 
performance criteria. 


SOLUTION: Optimize compound properties through 
| advanced testing and thermography. 


The tread of a high-performance 
radial tire must provide cornering 
| power, while generating both 


At the same time, it must resist 
| heat buildup that could affect the 
tire's ultimate durability 

To develop the combination of 
physical properties specified by 
the design engineer, a tread 
compound must contain the 
proper proportions of component 
materials that,working together, 
develop these properties. 

Every rubber compound is 
basically composed of four 
classes of materials: a Polymer 
System (type and amount of 
rubber); a Filler System (carbon 
blacks and processing oil); Age 
Resistors (antioxidants, 
antiozonants, etc.); and a Cure 
System (sulfur, accelerators, 
retarders, etc.). 

These materials work together 
as a unit, and any alteration of 
their proportions can result in a 
dramatic change in a tire's 
| performance qualities—such as 
| handling, traction, rolling 
resistance, wear, and durability: 


COMPOUNDING: 
TRADE-OFFS AND TESTING 


goals must be set for the desired 
formance characteristics. 
езе performance goals then 

determine the required physical 

Properties of the compound. 


i= 


] Achieving the desired 


| properties in a compound 
accelerating and braking traction. | 


In the initial design phase of a tire, 


balance of physical 


often presents the 
Compound Engineer with 

an extremely complex 
equation to solve: Often, 
materials that have a 
positive effect on one 
performance characteristic 
will have a negative effect 
upon another. For example, 
two characteristics of a 
high-performance radial are 
excellent traction and low 
hysteresis (heat buildup). The 
traction coefficient contributes to 
the tire's handling and 
performance. A lower hysteresis 
level helps the tire perform at high 
speeds—a crucial characteristic 
since tire failures at high speeds 
are often caused by excessive 
heat buildup. 

Some polymers inherently have 
a low hysteresis level. However, 
these same polymers may also 
reduce the tire's traction 
capabilities, due to their low 
traction coefficient. Meanwhile, 
another component—carbon 
black, provides good traction 
characteristics, yet can increase a 
tire's heat buildup due to higher 
hysteresis levels. 

Therefore, a trade-off of both 
materials must occur, until a 
Proper combination of polymers 
and carbon black yields an 
acceptable balance of low 


Compound for tread must 
have good traction coefficient 
for handling and low hysteresis 
to reduce heat buildup. 


hysteresis and excellent agian 
capabilities—ultimately fulfill- 
NN ing the tire's two major de- 
sired characteristics. 


SN. After any compound 


^. change is made, 
x BFGoodrich tests 
E this compound 
NE in the lab, util- 
="__) izing several 
types of sophis- 
ticated equipment, until it meets 
the designer's specifications. 

To test the compound's strength, 
we use an Instron® machine, 
which measures the force needed 
lo stretch the compound to its 
breaking point, and computes its 
modulus. 

To measure the compound's 
hysteresis, a cured compound 
pellet is placed inside a chamber 
that maintains a fixed temper- 
ature, and is subjected to a cyclic 
stress for а fixed time period. 

The rate and amount of heat 
buildup in the pellet indicate 

the compound's hysteresis or heat 
generation properties. 

The compound is also tested for 
hardness, tear and ozone 


D/ Tread compound is stretched to its breaking point and 


Кес SOG REST PS LEE ST LEG IST ISS SIT IST IEG ISS SAA 
BSG ESBS DEI PSG PERIS PEI PSO RED ASO RSE PSE PE REA RSG PSD 
БАС کاک‎ LEG RIG PEL PSS PES II PEL, PSS DI DIE DES, REG PEL PE PIDA 


BFGoodrich 


perature data is pictured on a Therefore, the total tire's ability lo 
matic Color Graphics Computer | handle heat buildup under 
System. It's the only thermographic various conditions can be 
system of its kind in the world, and | determined. 
is used exclusively by its sole Our Thermography Scientists 


developer—BFGoodrich. This 
computer performs a thermal 
analysis on a tire rolling at 50 
mph, and can isolate down to 
one square inch of tread, or 
divide a full or half-tire 


are in constant communication 
with our Compound Development 
Engineers. This ensures that any 
needed changes in the tire's 
compound—as indicated by 
Thermography results—are made. 


Our Chromatic Color Graphics section into as many as 300 Compound trade-offs and 
Computer System displays individual segments. Thermography testing will result 
the distribution of temperatures Within these segments, in a radial with excellent 
throughout the tire. 7,000 temperature elements | handling and speed capabilities. 


resistance, rebound—or resil- Infrared Thermal Scanner Profile 


ience characteristics, cross- 4 2 
line density (to determine por 
the amount of sulfur p^ y 
bonded in molecular 42 + 
cross links), and 4 
tread extrusion 2,2 
properties. 

Kien WT 
compare the 
computerized 
results of these tests with the de- 
signer's specification for material 
physical properties. Any further 
trade-offs needed are then 
executed and retested for final 
evaluation. 

When this phase of the develop- 
mental process is completed, 
prototype radial tires are built. In 
these tires, the compound now 
functions as part of a structural 
system, and the system is now 
tested to determine if all its parts 
work harmoniously to attain the 
tire's original performance goals. 


\ / This Infrared Tire Surface 

THERMOGRAPHIC TESTING \ / Temperature Profile _ 
OF PROTOTYPE TIRES. depicts a prototype tire as 
Our prototype tires will be measured by the Infrared 
subjected to a series of © 1982. BFGoodrich Co. E] Thermal Scanner. 
Thermography tests, which will A Жагы! 
determine the heat buildup that are analyzed for minute All this is made possible by the 
the tire experiences under high fluctuations of 1/10 of a degree. technological innovations and 
speed running conditions. This technique detects and thorough research methods 

The Thermography test Measures variations in the heat employed by BFGoodrich. 
apparatus consists of a tire emitted by various regions of the is is the first in a series of 


running on a road wheel, opposite 


an Infrared Thermal Scanner 
which measures the radial's 
surface temperature profile. This 


lire, affected by conduction, 
convection, and radiation. It also 
detects flaws in the tread, resulting 
from failures under stress. 


informative articles designed to 
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(continued from page 120) 

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AT LONG LAST LOVER 
version of Lady Chatterley was made in 


France in 1955, but the current film 
unlike it, is based on the original. un 


expurgated Lawrence novel.) Directed by 
Just Jaeckin and starring Sylvia Kristel 
as Lady Constance Chatterley, the cur 
rent picture is faithful both to the aunos- 
phere and to the sexuality of the time 

Sylvia exploded onto the screen in 
1974 this, 
however, is her first truly major role, and 
it’s been a long time coming 

The Dutch-born actress currently lives 
in a Los Angeles apartment of. modest. 
elegance two floors down from the home 
of Bette Davis. It was there that we met 
to discuss her career and the 


аз the sensuous Emmanuelle 


with her 
impact of her latest role ina 
good mood. bec: Privati 
Lessons was doing great at the box office 
and she felt it would be the perfect lead. 


se her film 


(continued from page 79) 
in to Lady Chatterley. 

She is tall. 5'9”, moves with grace and 
is every Lit as sexy as she appears in 
kind of sexiness. 
though, one that gives the impression she 
could do anything on screen and still 
maintain her dignity. She's somewhere 
between a virgin and a prostitute with 
a Ph.D. She also has a reported LQ. 
of 164 and speaks five languages: Dutch, 
German. French. Italian and, luckily, 
English. She lives in the U. S. to be close 
to the American film industry and to be 
as far away as possible from a certain 
тах man with a French accent. That 
little problem should be cleared up 
shortly: Kristel has a 
on Lady Chatterley, 


She is very anxious to dispel any no 


movies. It is a specia 


piece ol the action 


tion that she is the same 


Emmanuelle, and. indeed, she is not. 


woman as 


“I was at one time categorized because 
of the films 1 had done.” she told us 
“People did not want to give me good 
parts. Thev'd go to Isabelle Adjani or 
Marie-France Pisier or actresses 
stage backgrounds 
changing. 1 did а 
Chabrol. then 
Vadim. That was 


with 


But bit by bit this is 
with Claude 
with Roger 
1 nice breakthrough. 
Г also did a comedy in which I didn't 
have to undress, and. in America. 1 did 
The Concorde—Airport 779. a very im 
portant part, and, would you believe, 
The Nude Bomb. with Lon Adams. | 
guess I did Nude Bomb because you have 
to work. you can't just sit in your apart 
Besides, I like Don Adams. I 
thought. У a small part, but maybe I 


film 
another 


ment 


can learn something: for instance. tim 
ing. Don has great timing. And it was 
fun. Private Lessons was а nice little 


comedy. though I found it annoying. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


PLAYBOY 


160 


this undressing and seducing of a 15- 
year-old. I felt vaguely exploited at first, 
but then, when I saw the completed film, 
I thought, no, it was all righ 

“Exploitation is just being used for 
your physical aspects. People should be 
appreciated for those aspects, but then, 
why exclude your intelligence? It’s not 
that I have an Einsteinlike intellect, but 
to be considered, well, stupid up front 
just because I'm playing a seductress . . . 
I would much rather play a witty, smart 
girl, a Katharine Hepburn part, or even 
like Ingrid Bergman in Arch of Tri- 
umph. But, as my exmanager used to 
say, ‘You ain't Meryl Streep.’ " 

The moviegoing public has certainly 
seen a lot more of Kristel than of Streep. 
Does all that nudity in her films bother 
her? “Yes,” she says. “I don’t mind that 
so many people know what I look like 
nude, but then they assume that I'm like 
the roles I play. 

“For a nude scene, Í alw ask for a 
closed set, so that no one who is not 
inyolved will be there. Then I treat it 
just like choreography. Before the scene 
starts, I want to know exactly what I will 
be doing from position to position, so 
one doesn't need to go into wild improv- 
isations. Once you have that down in 
rehearsals, it's no longer an emotional 
experience; it's trying to get the light 
right and the people where they're sup- 
posed to be. Of course. 
have a good relationship with your act- 
ing partner. To see that he is at ease 
with certain movements. 

“With some male actors, that is difficult 
because they are so nervous. It's more 


difficult for 2 man to be naked onscreen 
than a woman. It's not a very erotic 
situation and I doubt that you will find 
many actresses who will say that it is. 1 
think you have to be a kind of exhibi- 
tionist to enjoy it. I guess over the years 
I have become very expert at it. Can you 
imagine such expertise? 

"What I don't like some of the 
sounds directors want you to make, or- 
gasmic sounds after maybe five seconds 
of kissing. I always refuse. Then I say, 
OK, FII compromise; I'll open my mouth 
from time to time without sound—and 
ТИ dub it in later." 

As anyone familiar with the genre will 
tell you, it's very difficult to make a gen- 
uinely erotic scene. Kristel has filmcd 
enough of them to give her definite 
ideas about how it should be done. 

"You need a good story with a nice 
build-up. You have to let the audience 
wait awhile; then, when the sex finally 
happens, it's much better. The one 
scene 1 myself found erotic when 1 saw 
it was in Rocky, when Stallone 
Talia Shire were in his apartment 
they embraced in front of his door. It 
is erotic because she was so shy and 
had given up any thought of being 
admired or thought sexy, and then to 

st give in like she did, it was very nice. 
he idea of sexuality is much differ- 
ent in the U.S. than it is in Europe. In 
Holland. for instance, sex is freer, and 
so it's depicted with more naturalness 
than it is here. When Americans started 
to produce erotica, it was always too 
much and it was not done believably. 
an directors like to work more, 


“Kemosabe, if you insist on being a masked man, 
may I suggest a different mask?” 


shall we say, technically. In Europe, a 
director will sit with the actor the night 
before and discuss the fecling of the 
scene. In America—Alan Myerson, for 
instance, in Private Lessons, did all the 
emotional guiding for Eric Brown and 
left me totally alone, because he does 
not know how to handle women. That 
is frustrating. You feel abandoned and 
ignored, particularly if the part itself 
not fun. 
“American directors, 1 don't. know, 
they came into sexuality so late. 1 was 
in the yery fortunate position in Lady 
Chatterley of being able to choose my 
ector, so I went with Just Jaeckin, 
because he identifies with women so 
well He has a lot of feminine aspects 
10 him without being efleminate. He is 
very sensitive. I think European women 
are very different from Americans. They 
are much more vulnerable and require 
special attention, which I think Amcri- 
can men find very annoying." 

We reached Jaeckin, who was Sylvi 
director in the first Emmanuelle, in 
Paris by phone. Hes very high on 
Kristel. “Sylvia proves in Lady Chatter- 
ley that she is a good actress," he told us. 
"She can do anything onscreen because 
she has a rare combination of sensitivity 
and naïveté; nothing she does is dirty! 
In this film, she has to express а lot. 
She has to be cold and intelligent. She 
has to be romantic and passionate. She 
has to play many different women. This 
js a beautiful love story and 1 love love 
stories. When you do a love story with 
a classic actress like Sylvia, you have 
a winner on your hands. 

In truth, her performance surprised 
Kristel herself. “I'm always amazed at 
the different person I am on the screen. 
It's like the camera falls in love with me. 
My face is so open and transparent, with 
so many emotions happening 
А good night's sleep really pays ой! 
rhe other parts I have done were 
always kind of easy, a walk-through. 
This one was tough. Lady Chatterley 
is a very romantic film. ‘The love scenes 
are very passionate. D. H. Lawrence was 
very much ahead of his є. After all, 
Lady Chatterley was one of the first 
really liberated women. For a woman to 
leave her husband and settle down with 
another man for love, rather than status, 
was really quite something.” 

Kristel is, in fact, a lot more like a 
Lady Chatterley than an Emmanuelle: 
elegant, sophisticated, used to philo- 
sophical conversation and the company 
of artists. Because of that, she is not 
really at home in the movie capital, 
with its outdoor life and sunshine. “I 
am very quiet, very much an indoor 
person,” she says. “I like to be alone to 
write, to draw, to do a little correspond- 
ence. I feel very limited here in Cali- 
fornia. When I lived in Paris, 1 would 
go out in the street, buy a newspaper 


at once. 


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LOOK GOOD T 
TO EVERYONE. 


O YOURSELF... 


and sit at a café to observe the people 
walking. Here no one walks. I love 
Paris; the architecture is so beautiful 
and the light is so special. The light 
is diflerent from any other city Гуе been 
Particularly at five o'clock. They 
he ‘blue hour." It lifts me. 

tv is totally oriented to film. 
I prefer an atmosphere like 
New York's, where there are more kinds 
of people. Sometimes, їп L.A., FH go 
to the opening of a new art show and 
IIL find the people at the gallery dis 
cussing the latest film, not the art they 
came to see. It is very dull and super- 
al But maybe there is more here 
that I don't know about. Maybe I don't 
go out enough." 

Kristel lı son, Arthur, who'll be 
seven in February: Belgian writer and 
Nobel Prize nominee Hugo Claus. from 
whom she is divorced, is the father. “I 
miss my son very much," she laments. 

He is in school in Holland, because 
I decided 1 didn't want to make him a 
child and cart him all over. He 
very basic, solid educa- 
tion k because he's Dutch, 
that that should take place in Holland. 
He is being ied by my mother and 
my sister. so he has a nice family life. 
He is loved, almost spoiled. Still, E don’t 
think I would win an award for mother 
of the year.” 

She is currently searching for another 
mate—she wants her son to have a 
brother—but she finds the search diffi- 
cult. “It is almost impossible to have 
a relationship when one is an actress. 
I do have a relationship now with a 
French producer, but he tra 
than I do. He called me this afternoon 
md said, ‘I’m in London now” I said, 
‘1 thought you were in Munich!’ He said, 
"Yes, I was in Munich this morning!’ He 
will be back in ten days, which will be 
nice, but then he’s off to Paris for a 
couple of weeks. It is not as intimate а 
relationship as I would like, if you know 
what [ mean е to have a 
partner with whom I could discuss every- 
day things and who had similar tastes 
but you can't have everything, I guess. 

“When I'm wa though, it’s fine. 
I don't know what my next project will 
be. Гуе heard I will be shooting a film 
in Germany in a couple of months. Im 
waiting to see what happens when Lady 
Chatterley comes out here. To see if it 
will awaken the interest of American 
producers, It could be that 1 will have 
10 take lessons to erase my accent, which 
will be a shame, because I think it's 
kind of charming. I suppose once we get 
over the current trend toward violence 
and horror films and finally get into 
romance, my turn will come. Porn is so 
boring. І don't find it exciting at all. 


Um a гоп; A 


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162 you brought us a basket of 


LECH WALESA | (continued from page 70) 


“PU help the party once it starts to collapse. There 
are no other realities here.” 


Anyway, had I got them, oh, that would 
have been beautiful, but they didn't 
give me any. Or, rather, they did. but 
not by dealing over the table, on the 
table, but under the table, Do you 
understand now? 

PLAYBOY: Somewhat. Let's suppose the 
party discredits itself further at some 
point — 

WAIESA: 1 don't want that. I'll help the 
party once it starts to discredi self 
or collapse. There are no other realities 
here. We cannot overthrow the party. 
We cannot take the power away from 
it. We have to preserve it. At the same 
time, tame it, 
that it will relish what we create. 
PLAYBOY: What then, if the party is still 
just as weak? 

WALESA: I'll join the party. 

PLAYBOY: You'll join the party? [Nervous 
laughter among Walesa's aides] 

WALESA: We cannot let the party be- 
come very weak. We know that with 
control, with constant prompting of our 
wishes and with help, this party will 
do а good job and people will be happy 
about it. But we have to create the 
proper conditions for this party. The 
ns it had up until now were no 
conditions. And that’s why we have to 
educate the party. Under no circum- 
stances can we overthrow it, for that 
would be a disaster for all of us. There- 
fore, we want it to subsist and, at the 
ame time, we want to control its activ- 
ities. We want to live. We want the 
party to serve us—and it will serve us. 
We'll teach it to. 

PLAYBOY: By disaster, do you mean the 
Russians would not stand by any longer? 
WALESA: No. no, no. Not the Russians. 
We would shoot each other down! 
PLAYBOY: Without any party, you think 
Poles would shoot each other down? 
WALESA: Yes! Do you think that with- 
out the party I would not push myself 
for president? Or that my friend 
Jacek Kuron wouldn't also? Or [Leszek] 
Moczulski? Oh, come on! [Laughter 
around the room| We would all shoot 
each other down! We have no programs, 
we have no programst 

PLAYBOY: You can sce no alternative to 
‘The parliament? The courts? 
The parliament would fall 
art, too. Everything would fall apart. 
No, ma'am. Right now, the arrangement 
such that the party watches every 
thing. But later, if there were no party, 
everything would just scatter. It's as if 
nts. In 


the basket, the ants stay together; but 
try to empty the basket, and, Jezus, we'd 
never hold them! 

PLAYBOY: What about Prime Minister 
Wojciech Jaruzelski? Would he be an 
obvious candidate to become president? 
WALESA: I don't think so, Although it's 
hard to say. Hardly anyone who has 
tasted some power as E have tasted it, 
who understands it and who wants to he 
honest about it, when faced with the 
possibility of giving it up, will give up 
power that easily. He will not want to. 
I don't want power anymore. Although 
I'm not saying that 1 would not accept 
something . . . but I really don't like 
it. If you knew how much I dislike 
it... but, poor me, what can I do? 
What other choice do I have? None. 
PLAYBOY: Do you agree that a worker 
revolt is the one thing that genuinely 
challenges the Soviet system of control, 
since the Sovict system is supposedly 
based on the consent of the working 
class? 

WALESA: I don’t agree with that at all. 
The workers’ movement does not chal- 
lenge anyone. We ourselves challenge 
one another with this revolt. Who is 
responsible that things in Poland got to 
where they are? We are! Like a flock of 
sheep, we went to the polls, we applaud- 
ed and shouted our support for cach 
new policy, I shouted, too. When some- 
one announced a meeting with a deputy 
or a councilor, we were the ones who 
didn't go. We went out for a beer in- 
stead. We elected decent people. At 
some point, I was even clected some 
where, and spat upon two days later. 
So this revolt is not а challenge to the 
Soviets but to ourselves, We are respon- 
sible for this mess. When some director 
did something wrong, all these people 
who looked on—where were they? So 
let's examine this revolt and we will 
find that we were the guilty ones. 1 
was, too. 

PLAYBOY: How serious is the split be- 
tween the moderates and the radicals 
in the union? Have you become too 
much of a moderate for your ha 
liners? 

WALESA: No, no. This 
understanding that I will try to straight 
en ош. 1 am damned radical, but not 
suicidal. I am a man who has to win, 
for he does not know how to lose. At 
the same time, if I know that I cannot 
win today because I don't have a good 
enough hand, I ask for a reshuflling and 
then check whether I have gotten a bet- 


а great mis- 


ter hand. I never give up. I'm damned 
radical, I repeat. But I don't walk into 
a stone wall with my eyes shut—Td be 
a fool. There are some such fools, but 
not ine. If J see that I cannot win today, 
I ask myself: Damn it, why is he strong- 
er than me? Is there any other way I can 
get at him? And I try the other мау. 

In Bydgoszcz, some of our supporters 
were beaten up, and that made a lot of 
people think. Some party members, who 
are also people, thought, This is a bad 
affair—someday 7 could be beaten up as 
well And so they end up supporting 
us. There was also a police. [Here 
the transmission of this interview from 
Warsaw to New York by telex was halt- 
ed, from the Warsaw end. After a pause 
of several minutes, transmission re- 
sumed.) precinct that hadn't known 
about the beatings, and they supported 
us, too. So there is much evidence that 
in the end, we'll win, and here is my 
radicalism, a sensible one, I don't want 
to pay. I don't like to pay. I like to 
satisfy my appetite, but I don’t like to 
pay- 

PLAYBOY: How does your religion and 
the reality of a Polish Pope influence 
your decisions and actions? 

watesa: I believe in God. As a matter 
of fact, if not for my faith, I would not 
be here. I would have walked away a 
long time ago. What do I need this for? 
As things were, 1 lived like a human 
being. Now what do 1 live like? It is all 
so hard, so thankless, that it's beyond 
my strength. But 1 am religious. and 
thus I endure. And there's beauty in 
everything. Even in pain. One can enjoy 
everything. One only has to know how 
to enjoy. 

PLAYBOY: Even if you cannot always be 
home for supper? 

WALESA: Of course. So I am enjoying the 
fact that I didn't eat today. 

PLAYBOY: We talked to your wife and 
she worries—— 

WALESA: 
less. My wile docs not understand me; 1 
don't know whether anyone at all un- 
derstands me. . . . It's late now. I've 
given you so much time. I must go. 
PLAYBOY: Just one thing more. Would 
you ever like to live in the United 
States? 

WALESA: [Mockingly imitates a Polish- 
American accent] No, no. I like Poland 
nd 1 am here. I will go. of course, be- 
muse there are interes things їп 
America, pretty things, many snobs. 
[Laughs and returns to his normal pro- 
nunciations] E want to get to know all 
people, I want to go to the States, for 
we owe them a lot in general. . . . ГШ 
check it out а bit, sec how things are 
there, though I almost know. I know 


quite a lot. 


nds me less and 


She unde 


Shes alone and frig : 
donet like an animal, shes goifig to fight like one. 


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WE WUZ ROBBED! 


(continued from page 132) 
physical contact with me tonight? 

“Disgusting.” 

Kaufman continued, trying to bait 
her. It was a bravura performance—he 
venomous, spitting his words at her, 
lunging several times, only to be pulled 
away Ьу Zmuda. For many of those 
present, whatever demarcation existed 
hetween reality and fantasy was quickly 
disappearing. 

Not for Mrs. Kaufman, though. She'd 
been sitting placidly outside the room, 
watching with a conspicuous lack of 
interest. 

What was he like a child?" we 

inquired, hoping for a little off-the-cuff 
insight. After all, who would know him 
better than his mother? 
Andy?” she said eagerly. “Oh, Andy 
was always the master of the puton, 
even as a child. He's really not anti- 
woman, you know.” 

Noises cmanating from inside inter- 
rupted us. Kaufman was screaming at 
the top of his voice, lunging at Susan, 
attempting to slap her. 

“You're going to be humiliated to- 
night, my friend!” Kaufman bellowed. 
“You're going to be humiliated! You're 
going to be humiliated! You think I'm 
disgusting?!” 

Almost immediately, he calmed down. 
There was a friendly, if not mischievou 
look on his face. He extended his hand 
to Susan. “Come on,” he said. “Lets 
have a group photo. Come on. A little 
group photo. Just one.” 

Falling for it, Susan shrugged, then 
moyed closer to him. Kaufman put his 
arm around her. Suddenly, he turned 
his clasp into a rough headlock. Caught 
unawares, Susan tried to struggle free. 
Kaufman actually slapped her. Zmuda 
dashed forward and pulled him awa 

“Two minutes, I give ya!" he 
shrieked as Zmuda tried to drag him out 
of the room. “Two minutes! You'll see 
how pretty you'll be tonight when 1 get 
through with you! Come on! Come on, 
baby! Why don't you go home and wash 
your dishes and raise your babies and 
mop your floors, huh?! 11 
you're good for! 

Susan stood there, stunned, as Kauf- 
man was pushed out of the room. “This 
ick,” she said, shaking her head 


wa 


e that’s 


Kaufman said at 

his post-weigh-in interview. He raised the 

palm of his hand a foot over his head. 
“God” 

He lowered his hand. 

“Man.” 

He lowered it further. 

“Woman.” 


Lower. 

“Dog.” 

By 7:30 that night, the arena was 
packed. Six hundred fans had each paid 
$7.50 to sce six preliminary matches and 
the main event. Bunnies glided through 
the aisles, carrying drinks. The atmos 
phere was raucous. The room was filling 
with smoke. 

А bell sounded and announcer Frank 
Sh: who had appeared in Raging 
Bull as himself, stepped into the ring, 
holding a mike. “The main bout of the 
evening.” he crooned, “is the Inter 


gender Wrestling Champeccenship of 
the World. 
Zmuda, bespectacled and unshaven 


took the mike and held up а handlul of 
bills. “I have in my hands here fifty, 
one hundred two hundred 
hundred . . . one thousand dol 
cash.” He called for 
audience. “One thousand dollars to the 
young lady who can come up here and 
pin Andy Kaufman's shoulders to the 
floor for the count of three 

A low rumble erupted from the crowd 
and four girls paraded one by one into 
the ring. One of them must have 
weighed at least 300 pounds. Another, a 
6/1” Bunny named Cherce, received а 
smattering of applause. The four of 
them stood along the ropes uncasily for 
а moment or two, until Zmuda, looking 
toward a stage door, announced, “There 
he is, ladies and gentlemen! Andy 
Kaufifffmannnnann!” 

Boos. catcalls, and a cheer or two 
followed Kaufman as he strutted through 
the audience and slipped into the ring. 
He looked over the line-up of volunteers 
and sighed. “I sce that there ren't too 
many volunteers tonight," he said to the 
audience. "Whatsamatter? Ya chicken?" 

He leaned on the ropes and made 
cackling noises at a section of the audi- 
ence. Boos began erupting with slightly 
more vehemence. “I don't feel it's pos- 
sible for any woman to beat a man in a 
wrestling match," he said. "Sure, they 
can lift the weights, but they just don't 
have the minds to wrestle, I do recognize 
that they are mentally superior when it 
comes to certain things like washing the 
carrots, peeling the potatoes. . . . 

It was working like a charm. The 
audience was in a frenzy of Kaufman 
hatred. Four more girls st 
fully toward the r 


. three 
jars. Cold 


lunteers from the 


de purpose- 


Out of the cight preliminary contend- 
ers, six chosen to wrestle the 
Champ. Audience reaction was the 
gauge and, predictably, they opted for 

iggest and feistiest challengers. In- 
of course, the 308-pound Ca- 
sino employee, Sandy Massina. 

Aided and abetted by Zmuda, Каш- 
man pinned the first three with little 


were 


difficulty. Number four, ће 671” Bunny, 
Cheree, gave Kaufman a run for his mon 
ey when she grabbed his leg. dropped 
him and positioned herself atop his 
chest; but Kaufman managed to sneak а 
hand out of the ring and Zmuda ordered 
them to break. Number five, a tall, 
leotarded black girl named Mink, got 
the audience to its feet when she man 
aged to get Kaufman down for a two: 
count. But Andy wriggled free and 
turned her on her back. It was then that 
some members of the audience began to 
notice something about Zmuda's гей; 
Whenever Kaufman was being pinned 
the count was agonizingly slow. When 
Andy finally had the girl on her back 
several moments later, the count was 


rapid-fire. 


. 
That left one more preliminary con- 
Sandy, the S08-pound behe- 
moth. This was the match the audience 
was looking forward to. All she had to 
do was sit on him and it would be all 


tender 


over. 

Warily, Kaufman backpedaled as the 
female Gargantua stalked him. But he 
knew more about the rules than she did 
and, besides, the ref was on his side. 
Each time it looked as if Sandy had 
backed him into a corner, Andy stuck 
his hand out of the ring and they had to 
retire to their corners. When Zmud 
reprimanded him about sticking his 
hand out, Kaufman proceeded to stick 
his foot out; with similar results. This 
continued for the apportioned three 
minutes. The audience was beginning 
to smell a rat. 

And so was Sandy. 
confided to Zmuda. 

“Why not?” he asked innocently. 

“Because it's rigged.” 

“Rigged?” Zmuda replicd with con- 
vincing incredulity. “How can it be 
rigged?” 


“I can't win,” she 


. 

It appeared, for a few moments, that 
Kaufman had managed to fake his way 
through the one preliminary match that 
actually posed a threat. But Zmuda, who 
has worked with Kaufman for years 
and understands the unique pacing of 
the show, suddenly took an adversary 
stance toward Kaufman, "You'll wrestle 
her for another three minutes," he said 
angrily, “and if you put your foot out 
of the ring, that’s it for you, buster.” 

The audience bought it. A howl went 
up. Sandy would get her chance. Kauf- 
man looked as i[ he'd been betrayed. 
The bell clanged for round two. 

Sandy stalked him again. Feigning 
Andy took a couple of short steps 
backward, then suddenly jumped his 
308-pound opponent and got her in a 
headlock. They grappled. They fell to 
the floor with a thud. Somehow, she һай 


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165 


PLAYBOY 


166 


managed to fall on top of him and the 
crowd went bananas. But Kaufman wrig- 
gled to a safe position. Now, suddenly, 
пау was lying on the mat. She looked 
winded. Kaufman couldn't quite pin 
her, but at least he'd gotten out from 
under her lcrable bulk. It looked 
as if it would be a draw. The clock was 
ticking away. Sandy had used up a lot of 
energy stalking him in round one. She 
was breathing hard. Zmuda bent down 
to talk to her. 

She's forfeiting the match, ladies and 
gentlemen,” he announced. 

Kaufman got to his feet and gloated. 
Then, while his 308-pound challenger 
was still prone, Kaufman proceeded to 
deliver four vicious kicks to her lower 
back. 

“I think I just proved once again the 
old adage,” Kaufman said victoriously. 
“The bigger they come, the harder they 
fall.” 


соп: 


. 

While Kaufman paraded around the 
ring, proudly displaying his leather-and- 
brass Intergender Wrestling Champion- 
ship belt, two chants were bellowed fro 
the aisles: "New ref! New ref! New ref!” 
and, from another section, “Bullshit! 
Bullshit! Bullshit!” 

Amid the din, a beefy, platinum-blond 
man wearing a referee's uniform climbed 
into the ring. This was Pretty Boy 
Sharpe, the man hired by Playboy to 
oversee the main event. His job was to 
ensure impartiality. He was on our pay- 
roll. 


"I will call the match,” Zmuda іп. 
sisted. "We know nothing about this 


guy." 


“I do not wrestle unless тиба is the 
referee,” Kaufman swore. 

At that, Kaufman walked out of the 
ring and into the audience. Was he real- 
ly quitting or was this just another part 
of the show? 


"Look at your contract!” Sharpe 
shouted alter him. “Look at your con- 
tract!” 


But Kaufman wouldn't hear it. He 
was angry. “I demand to speak to a 
representative of the Playboy Club!” he 
shouted, pushing his way through the 
audience. A Bunny stood in his path, 
carrying a tray of drinks. Kaufman 
grabbed her, then took one of the drinks 
and threw it at her. They grappled. 
Two security guards in green jackets tore 
them apart and stood between them. 

“Andy Kaufman misread his contract.” 
announcer Shain proclaimed from the 
ig. “Playboy's Larry Sharpe will be the 


referce! 

Kaufman stormed back into the ring 
and ran around the ropes, screaming, 
“1 demand to see a representative of the 
Playboy Club!” 

None came forward. 

Sharpe grabbed the mike. 
Smith, come to the ring,” he 
will personally 
this match. It'll be f 
And if Mr. Kaufman stalls much longer 
I'll take a piece of him myself.” 


“Susan 


“If the chap 
who wrote my book says I couldn’t stand 
Field Marshal Montgomery, then I couldn't stand 
him, and that's that.” 


The crowd, believing every word, was 
on its feet. 

. 

When Susan Smith climbed into the 
ring, it looked as if Kaufman's wrestling 
career would soon bite the dust. She 
was in tiptop shape, the referee was 
dearly on her side and Kaufman was 
tired after nearly an hour of preliminary 
bouts. The odds had been altered. Ten- 
n filled the air. The audience was 


n looked worried. "Zmuda is 
ing in my corner," he cried to Sharpe, 
nd there's nothing you can do about 


it. 

But Sharpe wasn't having any. “You 
will automatically forfeit this match,” 
he told Kaufman, “and your one thou- 
sand dollars, if Zmuda steps into this 
ring!" 

The crowd cheered. Zmuda retired to 
afman’s corner. Susan slipped out of 
her silver wrestling robe and faced her 
wily opponent. The bell clanged. 

. 

Tt lasted 18 minutes and 35 seconds. 
Within the first minute, Kaufman real- 
ized that he was dealing with much 
more їһап he had bargained for. This 
lithe, athletically built blonde bomb- 
shell was a worthy adversary. Susan 
knew her holds. She knew how to get 
out of his holds. And she was stronger. 
Or so it seemed. 

Alter the first grapple, she leg-dropped 
him with prof aplomb. Sudden- 
ly, Kaufman was on his back again, but 
he managed to wriggle over. Susan tried 
to turn him, using head and arms, but 
was not successful. They broke. Kauf- 
man charged her, got her into a head- 
lock. Expertly, Susan flipped him over 
her shoulder and onto the mat. The 
crowd leaped to its feet. This girl was 
good! 

Two aborted headlocks later, Kauf- 
man started walking around the periph- 
ery of the ring, befuddled. His repertoire 
consisted of only two holds, and neither 
of them had proved effective. Stalling 
for time, he got to his knees and ex- 
tended a hand toward Su She ig- 
nored the phony peace offering, circ 
him cautiously. Kaufman rose to his fect 
and charged her, but Susan was ready. 
Ducking, she grabbed his shin and per- 
formed a perfect backward leg drop. 
Kaufman crashed to the mat. 

The crowd screamed encouragement. 
Kaufman was on his back! His shoulders 
were pinned to the mat! 

Sensing trouble, Zmuda leaped into 
the ring, challenging Sharpe's forfeit 
threat. Kaufman's shoulders were still 
down for опе... two . . . three. 

But Sharpe had turned away to chase 
Zmuda out of the ring. He was not 
there to make the count. The audience 
screamed for his attention. Susan looked. 


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PLAYBOY 


168 


up incredulously. She had just won, was, 
indeed. still winning. since Kaufman's 
shoulders were still down. But Sharpe 
was ignoring the whole thing. 

“Get outa the ring! Get outa the 
ring!” the crowd bellowed at Zmuda. 
But it was too late. Andy had wriggled 
free. 

The bout continued. Andy twirled 
Susan around his back and dropped her 
to the mat. Instead of falling on top of 
her, he backpedaled a few paces and 
rushed her. Anticipating a body drop, 
Susan raised her legs in the air and 
flipped Kaufman across the ring and 
into the ropes. Dazed, Kaufman got to 
his feet and rushed in for a second help- 
ing. He got it—Susan raised her legs 
again and this time flung him out of the 
ring. 

The audience loved it. Kaufman 
climbed back in. They circled. Susan 
leg-dropped him again. He was on his 
back. He was tired. His shirt was ripped. 
at the shoulders. He was drooling. Susan 
slammed her knees onto his shoulders 
and pinned him again. Sharpe counted 
опе . . . Andy wriggled a shoulder up. 
Sharpe counted one again, then two. - . - 
Again, Andy struggled free. . . . 

But Zmuda was back in the ring again. 
Sharpe saw him and chased him to the 
far corner. T time, they scuflled. 
Sharpe picked him up and literally 
dumped him outside the ropes. 


Meanwhile, Susan had pinned the 
Intergender Champ for an easy four 
seconds. By the time Sharpe was done 
with Zmuda, Kaufman had taken advan- 
tage of Susan's confusion and turned 
her on her back. Miraculously, Sharpe 
fell to his knces in front of the wrestlers 
and, before anyone knew what was һар- 
pening, slammed the mat for the fastest 
three-count in athletic history. 

Suddenly, it аштап had 
won. Susan sat there in absolute dis- 
belief. The crowd booed with sustained 
resentment. 

We'd been had. 


as Over. 


E 

At the press conference that followed, 
Susan was speechless with anger. She had. 
been led to believe that she had a chance 
to win, that Kaufman could, indeed, as 
he claimed, be both a comedian and a 
wrestler. But Kaulman had done more 
than win the match. He had once again 
proved his bizarre genius. 

Looking back over the preparations 
and the event itself, we can't help fed- 
ing that we were pawns in a Dada event. 
But we can't be sure what was part of the 
hoax and what was real. We've seen the 
video tapes of Kaufman in serious trou- 
ble, with Susan pinning his shoulders to 
the mat. But did she really? Or did Kauf- 
man, knowing full well that Sharpe was 
distracted, allow her to pin him, all for 


the betterment of the show? Or wi 
Sharpe, despite the fact that Playboy 
hired him, in cahoots with Kaufman? 
Those of us who spent hours with Kauf- 
man during the negotiations. promising 
him a real match, were we taken in, too? 
We'll never know how much of what 
went on was real and how much Kauf- 
man and his cronies fully controlled. 
Perhaps thats the ultimate tribute to 
Kaufman's talent. 

"There did seem to be a certain glcam 
in Kaufman's eyes after the match, Re- 
porters crowded. around him while he 
barked at Susan and was insulting to the 
crowd. 

One reporter asked him if he knew 
that the proceeds were being donated to 
charity. 

"Charity?" he asked angrily. “Nobody 
said anything about charity. I want my 
money. I earned it. If you want charity, 
go get Jerry Lewis 


. 

A final note: We did not see Kaufman 
again for the remainder of the weckend, 
but we did manage to spot his mother. 

“One last question,” we asked. “Who 
is Tony Clifton?” 

The diminutive lady with the inscruta- 
ble smile was quick to respond. “Топу 
Clifton?" she said. “Tony Clifton is 


somebody else.” 


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“In a few days, he was utterly transformed: He be- 
came the perfect young Angeleno.” 


for Gianni again. He blinked, he pressed 
his hands to his checks, he shook his 
head, “It is like the music of dreams 
he said. “The composer? Who is? 

Not a composer,” I explained. 
group. Wilkes Booth John, it calls it 
self. This isn't classical music, it's рор. 
Popular. Pop doesn't have a composer. 

"It makes itself, this music?” 

“No,” I said. “The whole group com- 
poses it. And plays it.” 

“The orchestra. It is pop and the 
orchestra composes.” He looked lost. 
“Pop. Such strange music. So simple. It 
gocs over and over again, the same thing, 
loud, no shape. Yet I think I like it. 


Who listens to this music? Imbecilli? 
Infanti?” 
“Everyone,” I said. 
. 


That first outing in Los Angeles not 
only told us Gianni could handle ex- 
posure to the modern world but also 
transformed his life among us in seve 
significant ways. For one thing, there 
was no keeping him chaste any longer 
after Topanga Beach. He was healthy, 


he was lusty, he was vigorously hetero- 
sexual—an old biography of him I had 
seen blames his ill health and early de: 
mise on “his notorious profligacy’—and 
we could hardly go on treating him like 
prisoner or a 200 animal. After a talk 
with Leavis—and I had to be firm—I 
fixed him up with one of my secretaries, 
Melissa Burke, a willing volunteer. 
Then, too, Gianni had been con- 
fronted for the first time with the split 
between classical and popular mus 
with the whole modernist cleavage be 
tween high art and lowbrow enter- 
tainment. That was new to him and 
baflling at first. “This pop," he said, “it 
is the music of the peasants?" But grad- 
ually he grasped the idea of simple 
rhythmic music that everyone listened 
to, distinguished from “serious” music 
that belonged only to an elite and was 
played merely on formal occasions. “But 
my music,” he protested, “it had tunes, 
people could whistle it, It was every 
body's music." He couldn't understand 
why serious composers had abandoncd 
melody and made themselves inaccessible 


to most of the people. We told him t 
something like that had happened in all 
of the arts. “You poor crazy uomini del 
futuro," he said gently. 

Suddenly, he began to turn himself 
into a connoisseur of overload groups. 
We rigged an imposing unit in his room 
and he and Melissa spent hours plugged 
in, soaking up the wave forms let loose 
by Scissors and Ultrafoam and Wilkes 
Booth John and the other top bands. 
When I asked him how the new sym. 
phony was coming along, he gave me 
a peculiar look. 

He began to make other little inroads 
into modern life. Melissa and 1 took 
him shopping for clothing on. Figueroa 
Street, and in the Cholo boutiques, he 
acquired a flashy new wardrobe of the 
latet Aztec gear to replace the lab 
clothes he had worn since his 
ing. He had his prematurely gi 
dyed red. He acquired jewelry that went 
flash, clang, zzz and pop when the mood- 
actuated sensoria came into р Ina 
few days, he was utterly transformed: 
He became the perfect young Ange- 
leno—slim, dapper, stylish, complete 
with the slight foreign accent and exotic 
gramm; 
onight Melissa and I go to The 
Quonch." Gianni announced. 

“The Quonch," Leavis 
mystified 

“Overload palace,” 1 explained. “In 


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2 а eyes were implacable. “The 
frame for a masterpiece. ези. 
So we went to The Quonch. Gianni, 
TN) Melissa and I. 1 was the chaperon. 
wanted to go 
that. 
sounded a lot like an overprotective 
mother whose little boy wanted to try a 
bit of freebasing. No chaperon, no 
Quonch, he said. The Quonch was a 
desit dome in Pomon: 
Downlevel, far underground. The age 
whirled on antigrav gyros, the ceiling 
was a mist of floating speakers, the seats 
had pluggie intensifiers and the audi- 
ence, median age about 11, was sliced 
out of its mind. The groups performing 
that night were Thug, Holy Ghosts, 
Shining Oi im Revival and Ultrafoam. 
I could imagine asking, “For 
this I spent untold multikilogelt to bring 
the composer of the Stabat Mater and 
La Serva Padrona back to life? The 
kids screamed, the great hall filled with 
dens gible, oppressive sound, colors 
and lights throbbed and pulsed, minds 
w blown. In the midst of the mad- 


ness sat vanni Battista Pergolesi 
(1710-1736), student of the Conservato 


rio dei Poveri, organist the royal 
chapel at Naples, maestro di cappella to 


the Prince of Stigliano—plugged in, 
idiant, ecstatic, transcendent. 
else The Quonch may have 
been, it didn't scem dangerous; so the 


him move out on his own a little. But 
Leavis was starting to worry about my 
campaign. It wouldn't be long before we 
broke the news to the public that we һай 

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was just doing a lot of overload, 
id. "He's going throu 
“ed by the novelty о 
everything and, also, he’s having tun for 
maybe the first time in his life. И wi 
have to, we'll delay the campaign a little, 
But sooner or later he'll get back to 


composing. Nobody steps out of charac 
ter forever. The real Pergolesi 
control.” I hoped so, lor Leavi 

| Then Gianni disappeared 

| Came the frantic call at three in the 
afternoon on a crazy hot Saturday with 
Santa Anas blowing and a fire raging in 

E gone to Gianni 

room to give him his regular checkup, 
and no Gianni. I went whistling across 
town from my house near the beach 
Leavis, who had come running in from 


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171 


PLAYBOY 


172 


Santa Barbara, was there already. “I 
phoned Melissa," I told him. “He's not 
with her. But she's got a theory. 

"ell. 
‘They've been going backstage the 
past few nights. Hes met some of the 
kids from Ultrafoam and one ol the oth- 
er groups. She figures he's off working 
out with them." 

“If thats all, then 
how do we track him? 

"She's getting addresses. We're making 
calls. Quit worrying, Dave." 

Easy to say. I imagined him held for 
ransom in some East Los Angeles dive. I 
imagined swaggering machos sending me 
his fingers, one a day, waiting for 50 
megabucks’ payolf. What Leavis was go- 
ing through must have been ten times 
worse. I paced for half a dreadful hour, 


hallelujah. But 


grabbing phones as if they were magic 
wands, and then came word that they 
had found him, working out with Shin- 
ing Orgasin Revival in a studio in West 
Covina. We were there in half the legal 
time and to hell the California 
Highway Patrol. 

The place was a miniature Quonch, 


with 


clectric gear everywhere, the special ap- 


paratus of overload rigged up and 
Gianni sitting in the midst of six pi 
cally naked young uglies whose bodies 
were draped with readout tape and sonic 
gadgetry. So was his. He looked blissful 
and sweaty. “It is so beautiful, this 


music," he sighed when we collared him. 


acti- 


“It is the music of my second birth. I 
love it beyond everything. 

“Bach,” Dave said. “Beethoven. Mo- 
zart.” 

‘This is other. This is miracle. The to- 
tal eflect—the surround, the engulf- ^ 
sianni, don't ever go off again with- 
out telling someone," I said. 

You were afraid?" 

“We have a major investment in you 
We don't want you getting hur 
trouble, or——' 


or into 


agers in this city that 
you couldn't possibly understand yet. 
You want to jam with these musicians, 
jam with them, but don't just dis 
Understood?’ 

He nodded. 

Then he said, “We will not hold the 
press conference for a while. I am learn- 
ing this music. I will make my debut 
next month, maybe. If we can get book- 
ing at The Quonch as main attraction.” 

This is what you want to be? An 


ppear. 


overload st 


Music is music." 

“And you are Giovanni Battista Per- 
go An awful thought struck me. I 
looked sideways at Shining Orgasm Re 
vival. “Gianni, you didn't tell them who 


yo 


o. Lam still secret.” 
Thank God." 1 put my hand on his 
arm. “Look, if this stuff amuses you, 
listen to it, play it, do what you want. 


“T need space.” 


But the Lord gave you a genius for r 
music.” 

“This is real music.” 

Complex music. Serious music." 
I starved to death composing that 
music.” 

"You were ahead of your time,” Leavis 
cut in. “You wouldn't starve now. You 
will have a tremendous 
your music. 

“Because I am a freak, yes. And in 
two months I am forgotten again. Grazie, 
no, Dave. No more sonatas. No more 
cantatas. Is not the music of this world. 
I give myself to overload. 

“I forbid it, Gianni 

He glared at Leavis. I saw something 
steely behind his delicate and foppish 
exterior. 

“You do not own me, Dr. Leavis.” 

Leavis looked as though he had been 
slapped. "I gave you life." 

“So did my father and mother. They 
didn't own me, 

“Please, Gian s not fight. m 
only begging you not to turn your back 
on your genius, not to renounce the 
gift God gave you for” 

“I renounce nothing. I merely trans- 
form." He leaned up and put his nose 
almost against Leavis. "Let me free. I 
will not be a court composer for you. I 
will not give you Masscs and symphonies. 
No one wants such things today, not new 
ones, only a few people who want the 
old ones. Not good enough. I want to be 
famous, capisce? 1 want to be rich. Did 
you think I'd live the rest of my life 
as a curiosity, a museum piece? Or that 
I would learn to write the kind of noise 
they call modern music? Fame is what 1 
want. I died poor and hungry, the books 
say. You die poor and hungry and find 
out what it is like, and then talk to me 
about writing cantatas. I will never be 
poor again.” He laughed. “Next year, 
after їп revealed to the world, I will 
start my own overload group. We will 
wear wigs, 18th Century clothes, ever 
thing. We will call ourselves Pergolesi. 
All right? All right, Dave? 

He insisted on working out with Shin- 
ing Orgasm Revival every afternoon. 
OK. He went to overload concerts ju: 
about every night. ОК. He talked about 
going on stage next month. Even that 
was ОК. He did no composing, stopped 
listening to any music but overload. OK. 
He is going through a phase,” 1 had 
aid. OK. 

“You do not own me, 
id. 
OK. OK 

We let him have his way. Leavis hated 
it, but he was helpless. I asked Gianni 
who his overload band mates thought he 
was, why they had let him join the group 
adily. “I say I am rich Italian play. 
boy,” he replied. “Remember I am 
accustom to winning the favors of kings, 


audience lor 


Gianni had 


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princes, cardinals. It is how we musicians 
earn our living. I charm them, they 
listen to me play, they see right away I 
am genius. The rest is simple. I will be 
very rich 
About three weeks into Gianni's over- 
load phase, Nella came to me and said, 
‘Sam, he’s doing slice.” 
I don't know why I was surprised. I 
wi 


Are you sure? 
She nodded. “T's showing up in his 
blood, his urine, hi lic charts. 
He probably does it every time he goes 
to play with that band. Нез losing 
weight, corpuscle formation dropping 
off, resistance weakening. You've got to 
talk to him.” 
All right. Don't say а word to Leav- 
1 warned. 

I went ‘o him and said, “Gianni, I 
don't give a damn what kind of music 
ite, but when it comes to drugs, 
I di the line. You're still not com- 
pletely sound physically. Remember, you 
were at the edge of death just a few 
months ago, body time. 1 don't want 
you killing yourself. 

“You do not own me.” Again, sullen- 


"Nobody owns you. I want you to go 
on living. 
"Slice will not kill me." 
"из 


smiled, Ee my һа nd, gave me the full 
п. you listen. I die 
once. І ат not interested in an encore. 
But the slice, it is essential. Do you 
know? It divides one moment from the 
next. You have taken it? No? Then you 
cannot understand. И puts spaces in 
time. It allows me to comprehend the 
most intricate rhythms, be 
slice, there is time for everything, the 
world slows down, the mind accelera 
Ca pisce? Y need it for my music.” 

“You managed to write the Stabat 
Mater without slice.” 

“Different music. For this, І need 
He patted my h: 
eh? I look alter myself 

What could I say? I grumbled. I mut- 
tered, 1 shrugged. I told Nella to keep 
a very close eye on his readouts. 1 told 
Melissa to spend as much time as possi- 
ble with him and keep him off the drug 
if she could manage it. I said nothing 
about any of this to Leavis. 

At the end of the month, Gianni an- 
nounced he would make his debut at 
The Quonch on the following Saturd: 
A big bill—five overload bands, Shining 
Orgasm Revival playing fourth, with 
Wilkes Booth John, no less, as the big 
group of the night. The kids in the audi- 
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going to find that out, so they'd just 
figure he was a new sideman and pay no 
attention. I was already starting to think 
about a new PR program. The publicity 
would be something else, once we got 
the whole bit into view and let the 
world find out that the newest overload 
star had been born in the year 1710. 

Leavis seemed groggy and stunned. I 
knew that he felt left out, off on an- 
other track. The situation was beyond 
his control. 1 was sorry for him, but 
there wasn't anything I could do for 
him. Gianni was in charge. Gianni now 
was like a force of nature, a hurricane. 

We all went to The Quonch for 
Gianni's overload debut. 

There we sat, a dozen or more alleged 
adults, in that mob of screaming kids. 
Fumes, lights, colors, the buzzing of 
gadgetized clothes and jewels, people 
passing out, people coupling in the 
aisles, the whole crazy bit, like Babylon 
ight before the end, and we sat through 
it. Kids selling slice, dope, coke, you 
name it, slipped among us. I wasn't bu 
ing, but I think some of my people were. 
I closed my eyes and let it all wash over 
me, the rhythms and subliminals and 
ultrasonics of one group after another, 
Toad Star, then Bubblemilk, then Holy 
Ghosts and, finally, after many hours, 
Shining Orgasm Revival supposed 
to go on for its set. 

A long interm 
on. And on. 


ion dragged on and 


The kids, zonked and crazed, didn't 
mind at first. But after maybe half an 
hour, they began to boo and throw 
things and pound on the walls. I looked 
at Lcavis, Leavis looked at me, Nella 
murmured little worried things. 

Then Melissa appeared from somc- 
where and whispered, "Dr. Leavis, you'd 
better come backstage. Mr. Hoaglund. 
Dr. Brandon." 

They say that if you fear the worst, 
you keep the worst at bay. As we made 
our way through the bowels of The 
Quonch to the performers’ territory, I 
imagined Gianni sprawled backstage, 
wired with full gear, eyes rigid, tongue 
sticking out—dead of a slice overdose. 
And all our ulous project ruined in a 
crazy moment. So we went backstage and 
there were the members of Shining Or- 
gasm Revival running in circles, and а 
cluster of Quondh personnel conferring 
urgently, and kids in full war paint 
peering in the back way and trying to 
get through the cordon. And there was 
Gianni, wired with full overload gear, 
sprawled on the floor, shirtless, skin 
shiny with sweat, mottled with dull 
purplish spots, eyes rigid, tongue stick- 
ing out. Nella pushed everyone away 
and dropped down beside him. One of 
the Orgasms said to no one in particular, 
"He was real nervous, man, he kept slic- 
ing off more and more, we couldn't stop 
him, you know” 


“Don't think of it as an affair with 


my secretar: 


y, Alice—think of it as just 


another premature ejaculation.” 


Nella looked up at me. Her face was 
bleak. 

“0.0.2” I said. 

She nodded. She had the snout of an 
ultrahypo against Gianni's limp arm and 
she was giving him some kind of shot to 
чу to bring him around. But even in 
this century, dead is dead is dead. 

It was Melissa who said afterward, 
through tears, "It was his karma to die 
young, don't you see? If he couldn't die 
in 1736, he was going to dic fast here. 
He had no choice." 

And I thought of the biography that 

had said of him long ago, “His ill health 
was probably due to his notorious prof 
ligacy.” 
And I heard my own voice saying, 
Nobody steps out of character forever. 
The real Pergolesi will take control.” 
Yes. Gianni had always been on a col 
sion course with death, I saw now; by 
scooping him from his own era, we had 
only delayed things a few months. Self- 
destructive is as self-destructive does, and 
a change of scenery doesn't alter the 
case. 

If that is so—if, as Meli ys, karma 
governs all—should we bother to try 
in? Do we reach into yest "s yes- 
terday for some other young genius dead 
too soon—Poe or Rimbaud or Caravag- 
gio or Keats—and give him the second 
chance we had hoped to give Gianni? 
And watch him recapitulate his destiny, 
going down a second time? Mozart, as 1 
had once suggested? Benvenuto Cellini? 
Our net is wide and deep. АЙ of the past 
js ours. But if we bring back another, 
and he willfully a s 
himself down the same old karmic chute, 
what have we gained, what have we 
achieved, what have we done to our- 
selves and to him? I think of Gian 
looking to be rich and famous at last, 
lying purpled on that floor. Would Shel- 
ley drown again? Would Gogh cut 
off the other ear before our eyes? 

Perhaps someone more mature would 
El Greco, Cervantes, Shake- 
speare? But then we might behold Shake- 
speare signing up in Hollywood, El 
Greco operating out of some trendy gal- 
lery, Cervantes sitting down with his 
agent to figure tax-shelter angles. Yes? 
No. I look at the scoop. The scoop looks 
at me. It is very, very late to consider 
these matters, my friends. Billions of 
dollars spent, years of work, Leavis a 
broken man now, everything in chaos, 
and for what, for what, for what? We 
can’t simply abandon the project now, 
can we? 

Can we? 

I look at the scoop. The scoop looks 


atme, 


. Thebold but subtly sweet 
talian líqueur. 


ES 
E 
= 
Be 
3 
E 


Т. 


STANDARD OF THE WEST 
SINCE 1879 


A SER CHANGE ist ion posers 


“In Gaelic . . . O'Neill means champion; but in 
Washington, O'Neill means a story.” 


in those days, walks were computed as 
base hits. Ed O'Neill was the Heifetz of 
foul tips—get itz—qu able of foul- 
ing off every good pitch that came his 
way until the pitcher was exasperated or 
tired or angry or all three and lost his 


cool and his control and threw him the 
fourth ball. 
Tip, he was called by his teammates 


and by the sportswriters. And far away 
in Boston, the kid who scemed to have 
the most patience with life and with all 
things picked up the nam 

In Gaelic, which our Tip O'Neill 


studied boy (didn't every kid in 
North Cambridge), O'Neill means 
champioi but in Washington, O'Neill 


means a story. Never has a single name, 
with the exception, perhaps. of Paula 
Parkinson, stirred so many tales in that 
town. They flow like the Shannon. like 
the whiskey at an Irish wake—and the 
onc I like most about him is the follow- 
ing one, made even better because it's 
truc. 

Now, O'Neill's a good poker player, 
sec, and when he comes to. Washington 
in the early Fifties, he gets into a regular 
Wednesday-night game with a couple of 
other Congresmen and Senator Karl 
Mundy, the Republican from South Da- 
kota, who happens one night to bring 
along his good friend. the Vice-President 
of the United States—and they deal 
Richard Nixon in. 

What do you know? He's not much at 
the table. 


O'Neill says to him, "With all due 
respect, Mr. VicePresident, vou are 
definitely going to lose your ass at this 


table every Wednesday night, because 
you can't play poker worth a shi 

So Nixon, who atly enjoys be- 
ing pummeled. asks O'Neill about Re- 
publican politic 15 
who might help hi his 1960 Presi- 
dential campaign, and O'Neill says he 
should forget it, because Jack Kennedy's 
nd Massachusetts will be 


ppa 


Massachus 


ns in 


running 


O'Neill says fine, and he gives him some 
of the best Repub the state, 
because he feels that is the only right 


thing to do, having taken so much mon- 
ey off the V.P. up to that point. And 
then Nixon says, Is there anybody else? 
And the Speaker says, Yes, there is this 
one guy who's really а whiz, according 
to everybody, and the Vice-President 
says, Yeah, yeah, who is it? And O'Neill 
says his name is Charles Colson—and 


Nixon says, Yeah. ГИ get him. 

Now. that story shows what sort of 
politician Tip O'Neill really is. He 
wants everybody to have the best, which 
makes the game as even as it can be. It's 
like choosing up sides, you know. You 
can just send every skinny-assed kid out 
to right field and hope nobody hits out 
there, because you know goddamned 
well everybody's going to hit out there, 
and then the games over even before 
the final putout—and the kids all pick 
up their gloves and go home before their 
mothers come to pick them up. 

But O'Neill didn't have a mother to 
come for him. Rose Tolan died before 
his first birthday, and so the bond be- 
tween him and his father was made even 


stronger than it might have been. In 
fact. it was his father who encouraged 
n to run for office the first time and 
encouraged him to try it again after he 
had lost—and who taught him over 
over, ag. nd bout power: 
getting it, using it, keeping it, avoiding 
its abuse. 


. 

O'Neill has been, ove 
ter of a century, а 
stable beacon for 
of wi 


the past quar- 
ly bright and 
ism— 


ich there are damned few exam- 
ples—and he has done so while m: 

ining a strikingly high political profile. 
While it is true that for much of his 
career such an identification was painless 
for him (given that overwhelmingly 
Democratic ratio in his district), he was 


always 1 who could get it up 
morally. 
For instance, when he began listening 


to his five children at home (he went 
home every weekend until he became 
the Speaker, back to the same house in 
which the governor had held his political 


“Twenty-dollar bills don't pay. What I counterfeited 


was where the big money 


: Jeans." 


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salons every Sunday afternoon), he rea- 
soned that their logic on the Vietnam 
war was at least as meritorious as those 
positions taken by his colleagues on the 
floor of the House, and he moved against 
the war—knowing all the while that hi 
constituency was persuaded that he'd 
gone out ol his mind. 

O'Neill's position, the product of his 
children's debates at the weekend dinner. 
tables, was simple: Why were all these 
kids getting their asses shot off, these 
kids from his district, from the li 
tle towns outside Boston, from the neigh- 
borhoods where not many voung men 
matriculated to Harvard and where 
those who did didn't have to go to Viet- 
nam to get their asses shot off? Why. he 
wondered—and he heard his children 
ask, with painful incessancy, why?—and 
finally decided that something was 
‚ that the basis of the Admin: 
national 
curity, was quintessential bullshit, and 
so he broke with the President and with 
instream of the party, and it was 
as though he had suffered a hernia. 

He could not understand how a party 
in power with the weighty tradition and 
muscle of the Democrats could wrap it 
self so tight n such a strategy—and, 
what is even more significant, he could 
not understand how Lyndon Johnson 
could so passionately embrace a war that 
was robbing the party of its constitu- 
ency: the young, the black, the disad- 

ged, the impoverished. “You're 
sending only Democrats to Vietnam,” he 
told the President—ever the polit 
politician—and Johnson had simply 
shook his head and said sadly that he 
understood that not all his old friends 
could always be his friends. 

o ll had been where he had in- 
tended to be on all the issues that mat- 
tered most to him—with the people, he 
thought, in the midst of those who kept 
electing him to Congress year alter year, 
no matter what his views on this or that 
might be, even on Vietnam. They gave 
him some static on that, of course, but 
he effectively countered with his in- 
transigent defense of their inherent right 
to a piece of the pie. They believed 
it when he said that “the Government 
must be responsive and if it is not, it is 
not a government, It is then an imposi- 
tion- A government ought to do what is 
necessary for the people it governs—all 
the people it governs—and if it doesn’t, 
it's no longer fit to govern. 

He was a son of Franklin D. Roose- 
velt, as much as of his father, and from 
1953 until 1977—the span of his service 
the House before he was clected its 
Speaker—he had remained true to that 
legacy. He was firmly persuaded that the 


energizing factor in a democracy is the 
least of the brethren—what they need, 


what they require, like the Irish immi- 
ants to Boston: education, food, mon- 


ey, guidance, jobs, health care—an ele- 
vating hand reaching down. It cost only 
a bit more out of the grand Federal 
ank roll and, besides, if it didn't go to 
them. you could be goddamned sure it 
would go to those who didn't need it— 
and they would be Republicans. by God. 

Anyway, that's how Tip O'Neill saw 
it. And in 1977. his position wa 
forced, even vindicated. For in January 
1977, alter 24 years in the Congress. 
without a single vote cast against him, 
Thomas P. O'Neill, ]r., became the 47th. 
Speaker of the House of Representatives 
of the United States of America—second 
in the sequence of succession to the 
Presidency itself (no matter what Alex- 
ander Haig might read into the Con- 
stitution) one of the most significant 
personages in the great Federal popula- 
n and the direct heir to the rich tra- 
dition of such giants of the American 
kingdom as Speaker Clay and Speaker 
Reed and Speaker Gannon and, right up 
there on everybody's all-time айм 
team, of course, Speaker Rayburn. 

Speaker O'Neill. 

For years, though not always, he had 
wanted nothing more—and nothing 
less—and when he finally held it in his 
big hands, it was beyond him even then 
to escape those Sunday afternoons in his 
fathers parlor. He was, he said quite 
simply, his father’s som, politically as 
well as biologically—a pure product of 
the party who would not have risen to 
such heights without the party and could 
not be expected to further achieve with- 
out the party. It was, he said, as simple 
as that. 

And so he began. 

Mistuh Speakuh! 

The House will be in order. 

Mistuh Speakuh! 

The clerk will call the roll. 

Mistuh Speakuh! 

The gentleman is recognize 
minute 

Mistuh Speakuh! 

For what purpose does the gentleman 
rise? 

Mistuh Speakuth! 

Will the gentleman yield? 

Mistuh Speakuh! 

The gentleman does not yield. 

Mistuh Speakuh: 

The gentleman is по! in order. 

Mistuh Speakuh! Mistuh Speakuhl 

Mistuh Speakuh! 

d. how he loved it—how he came 
so quickly to love it all: the polished 
nd the big chair at the center of 
the action, the grand suite of offices and 
the corps of aides and underlings, the 
limousine and the chaulfeur, the defer 
ence and the respect, the attention and 
the acdaim—but what it all amounted 
to for him and what he cherished above 
all else was the power, the sheer, un 
adulterated muscle t was his and hi: 
alone, vested in him as Speaker by hi 


4 for three 


gavel 


fellow Democrats, the majo 
Hous 

He had often said that without power, 
all politics is bullshit and. as in all 
things in O'Neill's life, the power he so 
deeply treasured became in his hands a 
tool of the party he equally loved—a 
means of translating into law and legis- 
lation those principles and concepts he 
had learned so long ago in his father’s 
house in North Cambridge, the legacy ol 
the Democrats: Roosevelt's New De 
Harry Truman's Fair Deal. Jack Ken- 
тейуз New Frontier and the Great 
Society of Lyndon Johnson 

Thats what power was for, the Spi 
er thought—to facilitate the American 
dream, to help it along, to reach down 
and lift up, to feed and clothe and 
house and hire. No one in Washington 
was more elated by the power that had 

sed into his hands than Thomas P. 
O'Neill, Jr. unless of course, it was 
ames Earl Carter, Jr. who spoke well 
of those same legacies and traditions but 
who scemed to the Speaker to have come 
from a differ d 
O'Neill was respectful of the new Presi- 
dent, in public, but he sensed, neverthe- 
less. that there was a distance between 
them. a gap in their common experience. 
“The thing 1 don't like about Carter.” 
the Speaker once told a pal. “is that he 
doesn’t like me. I don’t mind that he 
doesn't like me but that he doesn't 


y in the 


than his 


own 


don't like him. Hell, I like politicians, 
don't you?” 

In the evenings, he would recall a 
story for those gathered around his big 
old desk that once belonged to Grover 
Cleveland, a story about James Michael 


Curley—the Boston mayor and Gongress- 
man who had gone to jail for his shor 
comings—who had come to O'Neill a 
long time ago to ask for a pension from 
the state of Massachusetts, not for him- 
self, he said, but for his wife, the woman 
who. he strongly suggested, was soon to 
be his widow. There was no better ap 
proach to O'Neill than that. He knew it 
was poison all along. He knew he could 
get murdered if the slightest hint of his 
fingerprints were found on the bill—but 
he did it anyway, and he did it because 
he thought it was a party matter. 

The party was like the Church and 
marriage. It was forever. So what if the 
Pope smokes Cuban cigars? What does it 
matter if your wife watches Death Valley 
Days? The important thing is tha 
was a party man in trouble. so where 
was the party? Whar could you count 
on if not the party? Where was the 
strength of your liíc, if not in the sinews 
of the party? Loyalty was his strong 
suit—and, just as he'd anticipated, the 
Curley pension bill caused problems for 
O'Neill. That they were not major prob- 


here 


lems he attributed to the strength of the 
party 

And what he knew as well was that 
Jimmy Carter did not have any idea 
no earthly idea at all—as to why the 
Speaker would have thrust his old wazoo 
right out there on the old chopping 
block for such a grizzled old turkey as 
James Michael Curley. and there was 
finally no longer anything between 
them, the Speaker and the President. 
Except that the Speaker was mightily 
grieved when the most inept Democratic 
Presidential candidate in years, with the 
exception of George McGovern, whom 
the Speaker declined even to discuss, lost 
the White House to this—this mo 
who seemed to take such pleasure from 
saying that he was not a politician. 

He would have him for breakfast. the 
Speaker thought. 


It was no wonder, then, that as 1981 
began, O'Neill could turn to Ronald 
Reagan and with much innocence and 
little guile welcome him to Washington 
as the “big и» 
fun,” he said. “You're going to love it.” 

And why по? 

After all, no matter what manner of 
catastrophe may have befallen his fellow 
Democrats in the Senate, his Democrats 
in the House were still in a comfortable 
majority as the year began and he was. 
after all, still very much their leader. It 


ues” 


of politics. 


CONDOMS 


How could a condom so thin 


You're looking at an unre- 
touched photograph of a typical 
Sheik® condom being used in a 
rather untypical way. 

We may be stretching a point, 
but we're doing it to prove that a 
condom doesn't have to be thick to 
be safe. 

Measuring a thin three one- 
thousandths of an inch, Sheik con- 
doms offer the perfect balance of 
strength and sensitivity. 


be so strong? 


If they were any thinner, you 
wouldn’t feel quite so safe. Any 
thicker and you wouldn't feel all 
there is to feel. 

How were we able to achieve 
such a perfect balance? By not com- 
promising on the quality of our 
materials or our testing procedures. 

In fact, Sheik condoms are 
actually tested up to seven different 
times by advanced scientific 
xechniques— including individual 


electronic testing. 

Yet, with all their strength, 
Sheiks feel so natural you'd swear 
you weren't wearing a condom at all. 

Sensi-Creme Lubricated, Ribbed, 
Reservoir End, and Plain End. 
Schmid Products Company, Little Falls, 
New Jersey. 


Sheik 


The strong, sensitive type. 


179 


this new boy in town thought he could 


1 legislation th 
ernment outside the Democ 
he had quite a lot of learning to ey 

He didn’t tell Reagan that, of course. 
ys of 1981, the 


t would shape a gov- 


a the carly d 
Speaker was all lopsided grins 

y handshakes 
White House, offering broad assurances 
ion between the two ends of 
Pennsylvania 


PLAYBOY 


n. He didn't ha 
and the votes gave 


the muscle. 


Speaker and to the party traditions he 
cherished so deeply. By the latter stages 
of spring, with damnable regularity, 
week after week, in the papers and on 


the evening news, in vote after vote on 
the floor of his House, the new boy 
in town—and a fellow Hiber n, at 


that—was handing the Speaker his Irish 
ass, and he was doing it with Democr 
And that is the context of his wailing: 
My problem, by God. isn't Republicans. 
My problem, by God. is Democrats. 
He called them Schmemocrats, but he 
seemed confused by what was happen- 
ng. Reagan was winning all the big 
опе оп the budget, on taxes, on every 


“First, understand that from up here you all 
look like a bunch of ants.” 


thing—and. try as he might. the Speak- 
er's reading of the votes could not 
persuade him that it would soon change. 
Whatever 
it would not soon pass. he reasoned. nor 
was there much һе could do to cure 

imply shrugged 
ad to play 


golf. which further eroded his hold on 
nocrats, 


yalists were brittle 
by then, a few whispering 
snide asides about him—all ой the rec 
ord. of course—while others were plant- 
g little rumors around town about his 


waning effectiveness and competency 
nd legitimacy as the Dem 


Congress, hinting around those grand 
marble halls that, what the hell, he 
would soon be re nyway. And 
when he came back from down under, 
ed morc addled than ever. 

g had happened. and he 
ld not quite, by God. get a hold on it. 


їз he isn’t even a pol itician 
and promises never to allow politics to 
influence his White House decisions or 
behavior—this guy who. for Christ's sake. 
and likes to ride 
horses and likes to wear, get this. likes 
to wear jodhpurs and likes to eat. ger 
this. likes to cat avocados. lor Christ's 
nd doesn't even know what the 
hell parity is—this guy is consistently 
doing it to him. This guy wants the guts 
of the nd the Е 
and the New Frontier and the 
Great Society and, by God. thats what 
he gets—in the Speakers House, by God. 
with the Speaker's Democrats. This new 
y is scrambling and scratch 
wheeling and dealing and sweeten 
every pot ne right 


and 


of Boston politics, for Christ's sak 
nd everybody is on the Speaker's sweet 
clamoring at him to do some- 


very fi st time in nearly half a ce 
ol politics. doesn't know what the hell 
to de 


Ther 


om Ala- 
Ronnie 
hes a 


s this Со 
for ins 
Flippo. thats his name—and 
Democrat, see, one of the Speaker's guys. 
right? So theres this pretty big vote 
coming up and, naturally, with the way 


things have be ng for him. the 
Speaker calls up this guy Flippo to 
see where he is and the guy says, sure, 


nd then 

sudden, 
Democrat anymore, 
t. 


he's with the Speaker, 
Reagan calls him up and all of 
Flippo is not such 
nd he votes with the Preside: 

“Гуе never seen anything like it in 
Ше” the Speaker moans. On th 
particular evening, he is wearing a tie 
emblazoned with large American cagles. 
He is, perhaps, inspired by them. 
“These are the times that try те 
souls,’ " he says, looking as deeply sad 


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WHEN IT'S TIME TO QUIET DOWN 
AT THE END OF THE DAY, EVEN A FIRE 
TURNS TO RED. 


JOHNNIE WALKER RED 
THE RIGHT SCOTCH WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE. 4 


PLAYBOY 


nyone can ever remember seeing him. 

Truly, these are trying times.” 

And the Republicans, for Christ’s sake 

e laughing at him. and а few of his 

Democrats are snickering up their sleeves 
Something had happened and he just 

couldn't get a handle on it. 

He no longer had the vote 


ail—the muscle to make the Luv 
shapes the Government in the 
image of Roosevelt and Truman and 


Kennedy and Johnson—and, what the 
hell, even Carter. He had become the 
politician's politician. amd now they 
were laughing at him. For nearly 50 


years, he had been at the 
some, lo: ing the cards he'd 
been dealt cording to Hoyle— 
and suddenly, Hoyle had dropped dead 
and the rules had changed. Aces didn't 
beat jacks and two pairs would take 
full house and everything seemed to be 


table, winning 


wild and the game had gone straight to 
hell. 
For years and years, when he h: 


bcen asked about an upcom 
the House in which he had a particular 
interest, the Speaker had always patted 
his coat pocket, as if to say it was right 
there. 

But it wasn’t there an 

Try the Gipper's coat. 

. 

ON ds came. singly and in 
ll groups. trooping into his gym- 
nasium of ollices. bringing. like the an- 
cient Magi. gilts of golden optimism, 
sweetsmelling hope and pungently 
promising assurances that the cards 
would sooner or later turn lor him. that 
the innings left wi i 
than the innings. played. 
d gladly received them all. 
an Irish w 


ng vote in 


оге. 


like 
ke. and he 
to their 


the 
had 


well 


meaning poker 
always making certain the bar was open 
ionally from his 
high-backed leather chair, wanting 
perately to believe they were 


he sensed that they 
were wrong. Т this Ri ad 
struck a chord across the country 
would be reverberating for years, he be- 
lieved. Over the Fourth of July holiday, 
he had gone home to Massachusetts—to 
his summer cottage on not 
far from the Kennedy’s a 1 
one morning he had opened The Boston 
Globe and found a cartoon that seemed 
to have been published especially for 
him. In the first panel, a pollster asks an 
rage citizen what he thinks of the 
sident's policies—cutbacks in funding 
for programs that affect the poor com. 
bined with generous tax breaks for the 
upper clases—and the guy lets loose 
indicating 
Tn the next 


is guy. gan, 


panel, the pollster asks what the fellow 
thinks about В, n personally, and he 


says. “Well, actually, he seems like a 
helluva nice guy- 
There it was. Everybody liked Reagan. 


For Christ's sake, even he liked Reagan. 
The President is a politician, alter all, 
and the Speaker Il politicians. 
There he was, drilled in the lung by 
some miserable, frazzleminded kid in 
love with a teenage actress, and he was 
making jokes on the way to surgery. Not 
bad jokes, either. “Honey, 1 forgot to 
duck." he said. And to the doctors lean- 
ing over his wounded body, “Geez, 1 
hope all you guys are Republicans." 
And after that, it was simple. Reagan 
had put together the old Roosevelt 
coalition, substituting the new wave of 
young, middle-class. conservative-leaning 
whites in the South and the Southwest 
for the blacks of the old South and the 
urban North, and he had translated that 
elect or 1 chemistry of 1980 into the Con- 
muscle he required to screw. 
ker in 1981, putting the hammi 
on the Democrats from those same 
Southern districts, making a few deals— 
but not many—here and there (sugar 
imports, for example, and windfall tax 
exclusions for the oil folks), and they all 
came arunning. They were afraid not to 
be there, with the Gipper. the new 


loves 


messiah of supplyside economics. afraid 
hed come down South in 1982 and 
campaign ag at the dog out 
ol them in their ow s. He had 


them by the cajones—though it should 
be pointed out that very few of them 
felt the same way about the old New 
Deal that the Speaker did 

“Its the people who matter. not the 
ties.” Reagan told them, passing out 
pounds of jelly beans at the White 
House (a mess of modern pottage), “and 
the people want me to do these things. 
I know that. This is what the people 
want and you've got to help me.” 

He did not say, or else 

The President didn't have to threaten. 
He had the muscle by then—or so it wa 
perceived to be, and, as the Speaker had 
learned. if they think you've got 
you've got it. 

My problem is Democrats, O'Neill 
moaned, but there was nothing he could 
do. After Watergate, the Congress had 
run amuck with reform. Seniority 
had become a curse. The power was 
passed around like unemployment 
checks, 
ence as а means to power, so also м 
the basis of discipline, and as the Spe 
er had learned, without discipline, th 
was no real leadership. 

God, how he yearned for the old days 
when Speaker Rayburn would have cut 
went against him 
but now. if he tries to strip them—these 
Schmemocrats—they'll probably just be- 
come Republicans, and if enough of 


nd with the passing of experi- 
nt 


them become Republicans. what the hell 
has he accomplished? The end of his 
power, by God. that’s what. You make 
Republicans out of the Schmemocrats— 
the bollweevil Democrats going down 
with the Gipper every time—and, presto, 
you give away the Democratic majority 
and there goes the Speakership 

The talk in Washington now is tha 
the Speaker is finished—and there are 
moments when by the emptiness in his 
Irish eyes and the flat tone in his voice, 
talk seems right on the money, It 
le. of course, that Reagan's over- 
terms of even deeper budget 
nd the awkwardness of his posi- 
tions on the AWACS deal with Saudi 
Arabia may have heartened O'Neill 

What is probably closer to the truth 
is that he will make one more race this 
coming fall and hope that he doesn’t 
spend his last term in the House as the 
minority leader. It is a race he deems 
personally precious, since it will allow 

politically in the 

same campaign with his son. "Tommy. 
now the liemenant governor of М 


cuts 


Tommy as governor would be a culmii 
tion ol an aging dream for the Speaker 

During his tenure in Massachusetts 
politics, both as a 
cratic minority and la 
in the legislature, everyone talked 
how really perfect he would be 
ernor—and there was always in the back 
of his mind, even after he went to Wash- 
ngton, the p ty he would 
come back and make tl е. He never 
did. of 40 years, was 
alv O'Neill never de 
cided to try for the governorship. 
is the sort of man. she has told fri 
who would. have tried to help everybody 
and. in the process, would have helped 
no onc. least of all himself, He, on 
the other hand, always regretted di 
he did not run. Now, vicariously, he ha 


mber of the Demo- 
er as its leader 
bout 


à shot at it through his son—and һе ha 
more or less decided that he will be 
the most assis! to the younger 


O'Neill by seek 
House. 


other term in th 


But whatever may happen in Mass: 
chusetts in the autumn, in one O'Neill 
race or another, the really significant 
truth about the Speaker is that, God will- 
g or not, he may have become tha 
metaphor he dreads. 

O'Neill's power has always resided 
n the reality of the party—its existence 
entity of ideas and id 


als, concepts 
and policies, dreams and go: 
the Democratic Party inculcate—a con- 
gregation of sons who must pay for the 
sins of their fathers, the spitting image 


TOO 


~ 


y 


RS 


که 


“Bless you.” 


PLAYBOY 


of all those liberals who do not yet un- 
derstand that the world around them is 
changing so fast as to defy their powers 
of comprehension, not to mention their 
political instincts. He is the cmbodi- 
ment of a Democratic ty that has 
somehow lost its constituency. Even the 
Speaker understands a part of that truth. 

You look back,” he said after the 
first six months of 1981. “and you say 
to yourself, Who gives a damn what hap- 
pened to the budget, and who really 
cares what happens to the tax structure 
in this country? And you say to yourself, 
The unions do, don’t they?—and the 
blacks do, don't theyz—and all the 
basically liberal groups in the country 
do, don't they? But what you quickly 
discover is that they don't, and that is 
the legacy of the р . We've done too 
good а job for all of hem. 

That is most siraplistic, yet it is closer 
to the truth than any pile of empirical 
evidence or mathematical probabilities 
anyone might bring before him. The 
fact of the matter is that there is no 


longer any part an and 
the right-wingers might believe other- 
given the sweet smell of their 


success in the polls and in the legis 
lature—but the Speaker is right. The 
Democ Party done much too 
ney has begun 
way—the lower cass becoming 
middle class, the lower-middle 
ng ир: to the middle class, 
and so on, ad infinitum. Only the gr 
array of black Americans at the very 
bottom of the pile, because of racism so 
deeply etched into the soul of the coun- 
try, are still instinctively Democ 
they and the upper-class liberals whose 


good a job. Its constitu 
to drift 


Wh: t the КЕЧЕ has not yet grasped, 
despite his impeccable instincts, is t 
so very few people in the country agree 
with him that the Government should 
be a vehicle of progress for its least 
brethren. That is no longer a question 
of any si . The Reaganites h 
gone on to such explorations as how to 
open up the Republican Party to poor 

nd disadvantaged black people who 
have been screwed by the Democr: 
who promised more than they could de- 
liver. The liberals have begun to focus 
simply on human rights, ап essentially 
bipartisan issue, the guts of which can 
be argued pro and con no matter who is 
in the White House. Big Labor is look- 
ng only for an extension of inflation, 
realizing that within the rank and file 
there is not yet one single card-carrying 
union man or woman who would dare 
to speak up and out against the deadly 
spiral of wages and prices. Not a single 
t anyone has yet been able to 
"here is по more party—not 
for the Speaker and not for the Pres 


anc 


184 deni—there is only a broad array of 


narrow, economic interests, spiced with 
such pscudomoral splinters as abortion, 
pro and con, tits and ass on television. 
pro and con, Federal money for paro- 


n Ami 
can enterprise and the inherent evil of 
anyone whose first name is Ayatollah. 
The issues are simple: the price of gaso- 
line at the pump, the price of hamburger 
over the counter and the price of govern- 
ment, wherever its paid—which, of 
course, is everywhere, 

The Speaker's party is dead. and so 
is the Presidents. Neither y he glad 
to hear that, and both will vehemently 


deny it. Both will, in fact, over the 
months to come, insist that the tradi 
tions on which they have built their 


careers—one over the long term, one 
as а Johuny-come-tately—will resurrect 
themselves, will pull themselves back to 
a level of acceptance and respectability 
that will assure the continuum of the 
republic as they have come to know it 
and love it 

I think they're wrong—but what is 
even more grievous is that the Speaker 
probably understands and cannot adjust, 
will not adjust, because there is no 
room in his concept of the party to make 
that adjustment. You can damn well 
count on the hot numbers of 1982 and 
1984 to adjust—even the old dragons of 
the party in the House who will go home 
to face a constituency beggared 
that grand master of persuasion, the host 
of Death Valley Days, and who already 
will have begun to trim their sails before 
their plane lands on the district terra 
firma; 
House 
about a new Democratii 


n their future will begin 
Party, more re- 


sponsive to the needs of all those old 
Democrats who voted for Nixon and 
Ford and, in spades, for the Gipper, the 


old Democrats who can't seem to under- 
stand that much of what has made the 
country good is a product of the Spea 
ers party, because what they see 
gas pumps that are not even capable of 
registering the true price of their pur- 
chase and must deal in half-truths, like 
much of everything else these days. But 
the Speaker? The Tipper? He's going to 
galumph along as always—the old party 
man, his father’s son. James Michael 
Curley's posthumous hurrah. and the 
boll weevils will continue to cut his 
balls off—the supr 
Nixon's ultimate revenge lor the Cl 
Colson reference. 


. 

It was the close of a rather spec 
tacular day in late September, and as 
1 
pealed a crysta ор 
Mount Saint Alban, the capital of the 
United States of America settled itself 
in for the evening—taking a load ой 
its Federal feet, pouring itself a gene 


the bells of the Washington Cathedra 
vespers from high 


ous drink, setting its tables for d 
and quietly basking in the burnished 
glow of an amazing sunsct that was 
working its magic democrati 
across the city, from the cluttered en 
claves of Georgetown to the stately rise 
of Capitol Hill to the grit and the grime 
of the ghettos, painting its steeples and 
statues, its ruins and relics, its monu- 
ments and memorials a soft and subtle 
pink. 

The moment had finally arrived— 
that marvelou nd unmistakable mo- 
ment when the changing of the seasons 
becomes nearly palpable, that annual 
but unofficial and unrecorded solstice 
when summer and autumn merge at 
some pleasantly indefinable cusp, mutu- 
ally accommodating the best the other 
has to offer, blending endings and begin- 
nings into a smooth, rich mix of both 
the last batch of gin and tonic, for i 
stance, with the first faint whifls of 
wood smoke. 

On Connecticut Avenue—just a block 
away from the sidewalk where the ct 
kid shot the Gipper 
were waiting sleekly at the cu 
drivers passing the time of day, po 
ing. rubbing, standing. reading. Inside 
an old apartment building. much of the 
city's liberal bloc had gathered in the 18- 
room sprawl of a salon owned by Jane 
Dawson, said to be in hot pursuit ol the 
Perle Mesta label, to pay homa 
Senator Paul Tsongas, the other 
ator from. Massachusetts, on the oc 
of the publication of his new bi 
the future of liberalism in 
Kennedy was the nd so was Frank 
Church and almost everybody who's 
anybody in that easily identifiable 
crowd—and so was the Speaker: look- 
nt for his strap- 
tired from the 
ng a party with- 


ing incongruously р: 
ping 


frame. a little 
some task of gi 
out party discipline 

Besides Kennedy, it was O'Neill who 
got the most attention. Smoothly, almost 
anguidly, he turned compliments back 
on themselves, remembered the names of 
people he hadn't seen in months and 
put a fatherly arm around Tsongas, the 
son of a Greck immigrant, when the 
pictures were taken. 

And when he was leaying, and step- 
ping into the glow of the early evening, 
he was asked whether or not he might 
himself write a book. 

“About what?” he muttered. 

“Well, what about Tsongas’ subject 
the interviewer said. “The future of 
liberalism?” 

"Science-fic 

aid. No smile. 

And in that magnificent light of the 
erging of the seasons, Thomas P. 
O'Neill. Jr., himself turned. pink. One 
more Washington monument painted by 


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186 don’t use s 


MAN and WOMAN 


(continued from page 98) 


“Billions of years ago, there must have been a switch 
to sex and it must have stuck. Why?” 


from the poi 


t of view of her genes—is 
a bad option for her. For if she sur- 
vived up to this point, after all, she has 
very good genes: they've traveled down 
to her, from the year dot, only through 
reproductively successful organi 

So why should she want to break up a 
winning combination? Why should she 
want to throw away half her genes, 
shuffle them up in the process and take 
another shuffled half from another in- 
dividual, usually a perfect stranger? Why 
should she give up the reproductive edge 
her genes have already got? And why 
should she waste time and resources 
producing male 

“It's no use saying, "Well, it’s for the 
good of the species." says Martin Daly. 
Daly is a Darwinian psychologist, now 
at McMaster University in Canada, who 
has long been interested in why hc e: 
‘The female doesn't know anything 
about species and she doesn't do 
thing at the beck and call of evolution- 
ry theo he says. "No. there has to 
be something in it for her. Thats all 
she's interested in. herself and her. off- 


spring: or, put another way. that's all 
her genes interested. in, themselves 
and their continuation. Selection takes 


place at the level of the ind ual. And 
that's where we have to look for wh 
ge it is thar sex brings. By 
choosing sex, you sce—as George Wil- 
s pointed out—the 
le has on the face of it put her ¢ 
at a 50 percent disadvantage; only halt 
of them a ted. So we 
find a corresponding 50 percent 


ever advan 


enormous. She's at 
vantage, remembei 
the genes for even 
vantage will very qu 


50 percent disad- 
and we know that 
one percent disad- 
Му disappear from 


any population, other th being 
equal. 
Daly and his wife, М a 


esearch associate at McMaster, recently 
wrote a book called Sex, Evolution and 
Behavior. In it, they come to no firm con- 
ol sex, 


clusions but 


adaptation in the face of bad times. 

“Look, all we've got to go on is what's 
ys Daly, a dry, funny man 
ate 305 who delights in brin; 


ng 
us humans down to size by calling us 
Н. saps." “And, luckily, nature has 


given us an unbelievable -variety of life, 
from bacteria all the to H. saps. 
Bacteria aren't much use, because they 
very much, even though 


they're about 6000 times older than we 
are and the most numerous and most 
successful organisms on earth. And H. 
saps aren't much use, because they're 
ady committed to this thing we're 
ng to explain. 

But between them are a number of 
species that are sometimes sexual and 


tr 


sometimes asexual. And they seem to 
have one overriding thing in commo: 

As long as the going is good, as long as 
there's not too much competition, they 


put all their money on the asexual op- 
n. They produce females. But if 
there's overcrowding or they're faced 
with an imminent collapse, they opt lor 
sex. They produce males.” 

Just like human beings in wartime. їп 
other words, who take sex wherever they 
can because they may not survive. so a 
whole host of creatures switch to it 
when their way of life is threatened. 
For females in nature, hard times are 
responsible for the fact of sex, as well a 
Tor the act of sex. Males become neces- 
sary. In species where there is an option 
of being either male or female, males 
Imost always found where the er 
vironment makes survival tough going. 

. 

So far, so good, O people of the gal- 
But why is there so much sex on 
Becs do 

only some bees do it. Е 
ted little fleas do it. We do 
And we and they do it all the time. 
Somewhere along the line, a few billion 
years ago. there must have been a switch 
to sex and it must h stuck. Why 

Put ay. Males pretty 
good idea when it comes to female: 
competing against an uncertain future. 


are a 


uneduc 


it this w 


Males are usually smaller. they mature 
faster and their sex cells are cheaper to 


produce. So, from a female’s point of 
view, males arc an efficient way of stor- 
ing their genes when resources 

cc. And they're also a good way of 
king sure that copies of at least some 
of those precious genes are passed on to 
tlie next generation, 

Males, after all, produce enormous 
numbers of sex cells—with the female 
parents genes inside them. And so, if 
they survive to maturity, there’s a good 
chance that at least one of those little 
gene loads, and maybe more, will find a 
home in an organism that has retained 
the option of being female, That is a 
much better prospect for her genes than 
simply continuing to make 100 percent 
copies of themselves; she's not doing well 
in the environment she's got and they're 


are 


not going to do any better. А much bet- 
ter plan, then, is to make male 
sex, mix up genes and start 
the next generation will all be different 
from one another, and there's a chance 
that some of them will have what it 
takes to cope and carry on. 

But that still doesn’t explain why fe- 
males took up sex full time, rather tl 
keep it for an occasional option. We, 
for example, don't seem to have been 
faced with a continuous chain of еше 
gencies throughout our history. Nor 
does any other ual species that we 
know of. So why don't human females 
simply make clones of themselves and 
keep men in reserve, in case of disaster? 

For an answer, we have to go back i 
ne, back to how the idea occurred 
in the first place. The search takes us to 
the primordial ooze, by way of a tall 
question mark of nglishman named 
William Hamilton. А biologist the 
University of Michigan at Ann Arbo 
Hamilton believes that the only way a 
sexual population са out an ase 


ual one is for it to be p ently under 
threat from outside—trom parasites. 
"Men and wome says 


carefully amid the clutter of his univer- 
sity онсе. “are descended from the first 
multicellu: 
been puzzled by how those o 
could survive. Theyre at a distinct di 
advantage against their smaller enemies. 
They're more complicated, so they grow 
and reproduce much more slowly 
makes them vulnerable, evolutiona 
speaking. Because when one organism 
trying to figure out a way into anothe 
and the other is trying to figure out a 
way to keep it out, evolution favors the 
опе that breeds quicker. Mutations will 
give it better id stei nd it will 
win. Unless, and only unless, the bi 
organism can figure out а new genetic 
trick to level the odds. 

"And 1 think that tric 
Hamilton continues, "the mixing of 
genes between two of the organisms to 
make new 'ents—new pass- 
words, perhaps—to keep the parasites 
out. That would now give the multi- 
cellular an edge in this evolutionary 
game ol catch-up, but only a small edge. 
And so, as it gets larger, all the way 
down to us, sex would constantly be se- 
lected for. Sex would have to go on. 

“АП right. Thats maybe why there 
. But why there sexes? Exchan; 
ing genes, alter all, do 
mean that there should be any difference 
betwcen the two exchangers. When bac- 
teria use sex, for example, there's no 
difference that can be found. 

“Well, here 1 think science does have 
an answer. When the evolutionary мер 
toward sex is taken by a multicellu 
organism, cells specifically for s 
tend ro be produced. But there's 
herent instability that acts aga 


маз sex," 


arrange: 


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188 


always being of the same size. And the 
pressures of competition will begin. 
Those pressures will favor slightly larger 
sex cells than usual. And those, in turn, 
will make for cheats, smaller sex cells 
than usual, produced in greater numbers 
to compete for the bigger ones. From 
then on, the pattern becomes clearer 
and clearer. The small sex cells become 
more and more competitive—they be- 
come highly mobile, they learn to 
swim—while the large sex cells become 
immobile and fixed. The cheats become 
sperm and the cells for which they com- 
pete become eggs. And that's what we 
end up with. Sperm and eggs. Small 
investors and large investors. Cheats and 
straight shooters. Males and females.” 
- D 

This may not seem very romantic, but 
from it all blessings flow. For now you 
has sex. Now you has males. And now 
you has all the incredible, teeming vari- 
ety of sex in nature: male mites that 
fertilize their sisters while still inside 
their mother, and so die before they are 
born; the female scorpion fly that in- 
sists on a titbit from her prospective 
lovers, and her transvestite brother—in 
drag—that tries to con poor unsuspect- 


ing males out of their nuptial gifts; the 
ingenuity and elaborate pleasures of 
human beings. Not to forget what Brit- 
ish researcher Tim Clutton-Brock has 
called the “sneaky fucker strategy" in 
red-deer stags. Among those animals, the 
dominant males spend a great deal of 
time showing off their wares to one an- 
other. Less dominant males will have 
none of that; instead, while the big boys 
are quarreling, they sneak around back 
and get it on with the females. In na- 
ture, it doesn't matter how you play 
the game, as long as you win. 

Reproductive success is the name of 
this game, and the table is almost always 
run by the female. With a much bigger 
investment now at stake, it’s up to her 
to be choosy about what genes she ac- 
cepts into her eggs. Thats why the 
delay of courtship suits her purposes 
well. Males, characteristically, have a 
different strategy. Their sperm costs lit- 
tle and they can have multiple matings. 
So it is in their interests to spread their 
genes across as many females аз pos- 
sible—to go all the way on the first date 
and then move on. 

That would be fine, if there were al- 
ways more females than males in the 


“Can't get a hard-on in a blizzard, eh?” 


population. But genetic rules ordain 
that there will always be, roughly speak- 
ing. equal numbers. Which means that 
males will have to compete with one 
another; some can be big winners in 
the game and others will have to be 
losers. If a king can take 3333 wives, 
after all, as he could by law in one Afri- 
can nation, then there'll be roughly 5332 
other men left without any. The same is 
true in nature. 

On the face of it, this system—this 
ratrace polygamy—may look as if it 
works to the disadvantage of the female. 
But, remember, she's interested only in 
the successful reproduction of her genes. 
So the system actually works hugely to 
her advantage. Because if the males 
spend their time competing—sorting out 
the toughest, most ambitious and most 
resilient genes from the weaker and less 
capable—it makes her job of selection 
that much easier. She wants resources, 
after all, sometimes just the resources of 
good genes, and so fair play is the last 
thing on her mind. 

In many species, in fact, perhaps in- 
cluding our own, females actively en- 
courage all the Sturm und Drang. In 
sand bees, females remain resolutely be- 
low the surface, so that a male will have 
to dig down to them while fighting off 
other males. In coyotes, females will 
deliberately delay mating until a large 
number of males have arrived. And in 
the Uganda kob, the handsomest of the 
African antelopes, females stroll through 
the stamping ground, where the males 
are fighting and jockeying with one an- 
other; the females are inspecting the 
goods, as if in a sexual meat market. 
(Think again of the singles bar, gentle- 
men, and reconsider who's really in 
charge.) 

If you think this is pretty antisocial 
behavior on the part of all concerned, 
you're right. “Sex,” as E. O. Wilson, one 
of the founders of sociobiology, wrote, 
“is an antisocial force in evolution.” 
In a sense, it is also the most deadly 
for males. For in all of this, males, 
even human males, die young: not һе- 
cause they kill cach other of, and 
not because they are forced to become 
conspicuous, though both help, but be- 
cause selection is interested only in their 
reproductive ability and not in any 
genes that might help stave off their 
death after reproductive age. The males 
in most species aren't involved, as we've 
said, in bringing up the children. So 
once they've done their duty to Mother 
Nature, they are expendable. 

While they're alive, of course, they 
have one other task demanded of them 
by the female: to court her. Courtship 
in nature takes many forms, and some- 
times it works to protect males, who can 
find out in the process whether or not 
a female has already been inseminated 
(a long engagement will always tell). 

But, for the most part, courtship is no 


more than a job-application system de- 
signed by the female employer. First, is 
the applicant of the right species? ("Are 
you my type?") Second, can he perform 
the foreplay necessary to bring the fe- 
male to ovulation? (“Can you make 
nice") Third, can he do anything else 
to demonstrate that he has good genes? 
("What's so special about you?") (Na- 
ture—and human society—is full of 
demonstrations of resources, chases, 
forced journeys and other tests imposed 
on the male by the female.) Fourth, and 
most interestingly, perhaps, is the appli- 
cant aesthetically pleasing? ("What's 
your wardrobe like”) Males in nature 
are almost always more exotically col- 
ored and elaborately ornamented than 
females. And it's clear that those fea- 
tures have been selected for by females, 
other things being equal, for their own 
enjoyment. Males are a vast breeding 
experiment run by females. And females 
have not only designed them, they have 
also, by being in charge of reproduction, 
ordered the kinds of society in which 
they'll live. 

Take the king of beasts, for example. 
No, take the queen of beasts; lionesses 
run faster and do most of the hunting. A 
pride of lions consists of a number of 
lionesses, usually interrelated, and two 
larger males, unrelated, who are needed 
for protection against other lions that 
might invade the pride and kill the fe- 
males’ cubs. One lion isn't enough for 
this job. How, though, to avoid com- 
petition between those two males? How 
to make them work together? 

Simple. Whenever the females come 
into heat, they do so all at the same 
time. From then on, for two or three 
days, they all require copulation every 
15 or so minutes. And by the time the 
mating session is over, the males are too 
exhausted to know which is whose, what 
is why or which end is up. Result? Peace 
at home and protection guaranteed. The 
females get what they want. 

They always do. Selfish females never 
allow equally selfish males a say in the 
way their society operates unless the en- 
vironment demands it, or unless they 
have successfully bred males to do some- 
thing more useful to themselves and 
their offspring than just provide sperm. 
Male and female strategies will always 
make for male-male competition, po- 
lygamy and disposable, interchangeable 
males, unless males can be encouraged 
into a line. of work that has a direct 
effect on the females’ reproductive suc- 
cess. What is that line of work in pri- 
mates, the creatures closest to us? The 
protection racket. What is that line of 
work in man? Male parenting. 

. 

The quality and intensity of paternal 
care that a male human gives to his 
offspring sets him off from all the other 
primates. It has also been his salvation, 


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the relationship between males and fe- 
males. It equalizes the unequal struggle 
between the sexes. And it is almost 
certainly the one thing that will save 
human sex and human males from the 
dark waters of forgetfulness, if the genes 
for parthenogenesis—virgin birth—ever 
reappear in the population of Daly's 
Н. saps. Since the days males first came 
into existence—prodded by parasites, if 
Hamilton is right—male parenting in 
return for female-male monogamy has 
been the best deal they've ever made. 

To understand why, we have to look 
where Daly told us we should look, for 
an advantage at the individual’s level. 
What's in it for a man, or, rather, for 
his genes? For, obviously, they now face 
a giant disabi What with feet 
the wife and taking care of the kids, 
they can’t spread themselves all over the 
place as they once could, given a certain 
amount of perseverance and luck. So 
what's the new benefit they receive? 
Well, in the old days of competition, 
“sneaky fuckers" and multiple mating— 
which may well survive within us in 
some form—who knew whose sperm was 
getting through to whose egg, to deliver 
up the genetic goods? At least now the 
male, by committing himself to a female, 
can have some confidence that her off- 
spring are also his, because she'll want 
what he provides enough not to screw 
around. This means that competition 
with other males now becomes counter- 
productive: A male who leaves home for 
a fling can't ever be sure that there isn't 
another male knocking at his door. It 
means that a male will live slightly 
longer, since nature now has an interest 
in his survival through child-care years. 
And it means that a male can now give 
the 50 percent of his genes that are in 
his children a far better chance of sur- 
viving to pass them on. His children 
can be carefully prepared for the en- 
vironment in which they will find 
themselves. They can stay young and de- 
pendent longer. 

‘That, of course, makes male parenting 
the best show in town as far as the fe- 
male is concerned. Consequently, it's in 
her interests to promote it with the full 
force of her genes, because now she can 
get back the advantage she lost when 
she was forced to abandon asexual re- 
production and take up sex. She gives 
up her independence, it's true. She can't 
make a date on a whim with the best 
new genes available. And she has to 
put up with the burden of her male 
mate's needs. The advantages, however, 
far outweigh those costs. For, with male 
assistance and resources, she can perhaps 
double the number of her offspring and 
the number of genes she personally can 
contribute to the next generation. And, 
like the male, she can make sure they 


get off to the best possible start in life. 

Sexual access and some guarantee of 
paternity, in exchange for more re- 
sources than the female can command 
herself, all for the good of the children; 
that is the basic tradeoff involved in 
monogamy. Ninety percent of birds 
have made it. Gibbons and siamangs 
have made it. And Owen Lovejoy. pro- 
fessor of anthropology at Kent State 
University, believes that in our species, 
not only was that trade-off made mil- 
lions of years ago by our ancest it 
was also responsible for human civiliza- 
tion. 

“Anthropologists have always argued,” 
Lovejoy says, “that it is the use of tools 
that separates man from all the other 
primates. Tools, big brain, language 
and upright posture; they all somehow 
come together in one evolutionary bun- 
dle. And I think that’s nonsense. For 
me, there's only one thing that can 
explain all the things we want to have 
explained: walking on two legs, intelli- 
gence, culture, dominance. And that's 
the mating and parent-care pattern that 
evolved in our species—the division of 
labor for greater reproductive success. 
Monogamy. We'll never find it in fossil 
form, of course, but I believe it is ab- 
solutely fundamental to human evolu- 
tion. Right at the core.” 

Lovejoy is а bearded, tough-minded 
man in his 30s, another of a new genera- 
tion of scientists bucking old assump- 
tions and facing up to old unanswered 
questions. He holds positions in human 
anatomy and orthopedic surgery, as well 
as in anthropology. He has worked in 
close association with Donald Johanson, 
the discoverer, in Ethiopia, of Lucy, the 
skeleton of the earliestknown upright- 
walking hominid. And the day we meet 
him, he has been confirming for the 
sheriff's department the identity of yet 
another skeleton, a human one he calls 
Joey, the headless, handless victim of a 
recent gangland slaying in nearby Ash- 
tabula County. 

We talk for several hours in an off- 
campus restaurant, a favorite haunt of 
Lovejoy's. “Look,” he says almost as 
soon as he sits down, “I'm an early type. 
And we early types aren't interested in 
what's gone on in the past 400,000 or 
500,000 years. We're interested in the 
long haul of human evolution. And 
that's what makes Lucy so fascinating. 
Because she presents us with a problem. 
First, she’s three and a half million years 
old—older than any tools or human cul- 
ture we know of. Second, she's not very 
smart—she has a primitive skull much 
like an арез. But third—despite all 
that—she had a body that was fully up- 
right and she could walk in exactly the 
same way you walked in here. Now, why 
would she need to do that? To hunt? To 
avoid predators? No. She'd be much bet- 
ter off on all fours: Upright humans can 


LTER 5 
Fona corporation 


PLAYBOY 


192 


do only about 40 percent of the speed of 
the patas monkey; they can only just 
outrun a fast snake; and their walking 
speed’s about the same as a chicken’s. 
Hardly what you'd want in the dangerous 
open grasslands hominids are supposed 
to have evolved in after they left the for- 
est. To feed? No. The teeth of Lucy's 
species show they were generalist eaters. 
And you don't need upright posture in 
the savanna on that diet. Why, then: 

Lovejoy leans on the question. “The 
answer is simple, it seems to me. Lucy's 
-s—Australopithecus afarensis, our 
known ancestors—were food 
carriers. And long before they moved 
out into the open, they carried food to 
one another. 

“Мо big deal, you might think. Very 
big deal. Because, to exist, an adapta- 
tion as big as this has got to show a 
reproductive advantage. The enormous 
anatomical change necessary for this be- 
havior must have to do with survival 
and reproductive success. It's not just 
early men suddenly deciding to be nice 
to one another for no reason. Where 
would be the incentive? Well, there ob- 
viously way an incentive. And I propose 
that it was the result of a new deal 
between males and females and a new 
way of bringing up offspring—the whole 
thing cemented by sex. 

“The best way to see what I mean,” 
Lovejoy continues, “is to look at chimps, 
our nearest living relative. Chimps ma- 
ture very slowly, just like humans. They 
have biggish brains, and they use rudi- 
mentary tools and weapons and they 
walk upright once in a while. But the 
one thing they don't do is forage for 
one another. A mother, carrying and 
often dropping and damaging her in- 
fant, has to fend for herself. That means 
that a female chimp can only manage 


one infant at a time. Her birth rate is 
very low. And the result is that chimps 
are barely able to maintain their pop- 
ulation—theyre becoming extinct 
They've never been able to leave the 
forest where they evolved.” 

Lovejoy chomps on a hamburger as 
the spirit of our intergalactic explorer 
hovers somewhere overhead. “Early man, 
you see, faced the same problem. And 
evolutionarily speaking, there's only one 
way round it. Put up the calorie intake 
of the female,” he says, waving lunch, 
“and allow her to spend more time par- 
enting—preferably in a protected spot— 
so that she can take care of more than 
one infant at a time. The male, in other 
words, has got to start providing food. 
How can he do that? He can’t carry it 
in his mouth, as foxes and birds do. He 
has to walk upright and use his hands. 
Why should he do that? What does he 
get in return? Reliable sex and reliable 
care for his genetic investment.” 

There are two essential differences 
between human females and the females 
of all other species. Humans don't ad- 
vertise or announce when they are fer- 
tile—their rear ends don't go red. And 
they are continuously sexually receptive. 
A woman can and will take on a man 
more often than once a month. Lovejoy 
believes that those, too, were very early 
adaptations and that they must have 
appeared as part of one evolutionary 
package about the same time as male 
provisioning and general upright pos- 
ture. And that would make good sense. 

For if the female could find a way of 
concealing when she was fertile, she 
could manage to do two things: She 
could force her male to stay with her 
throughout her cycle, if high on his 
agenda was successfully producing chil- 
dren. And, at the same time, she could 


"I had been pressing for deep, meaningful 
relationships, but recently Pue been settling 
for recreational sex.” 


discourage strange males from compet- 
ing with him and undermining his 
confidence in his paternity. Being will- 
ing all the time can now be added to 
this strategy as a reinforcer. For if the 
committed male can get it regularly 
enough from one source, he will give ир 
any catting around he might still be in- 
clined to do and concentrate on bring- 
ing home the necessary bacon to where 
he can get it. That is the beginning of. 
recreational sex; and it has nothing to 
do, evolutionarily speaking, with its 
later history of philandery and one-night 
stands. Quite the contrary. It is the gild- 
ing of the lily, the final setting of the 
seal, on the bed-centered nuclear family. 

And from it, all that we think of as 
human flows. “This new arrangement," 
continues Lovejoy, “is extremely demo- 
with one on one, most males can 
now find mates. И enlarges the social 
group—which is a huge advantage. It's 
highly socializing, rather than antisocial, 
because you now have double parents, 
families, kinship systems: Everyone 
knows who belongs to whom. It allows 
for an extended infancy, which allows 
for a gradually developing brain. And it 
frees the hands, encourages the adoption 
of devices for carrying both food and 
babies and prepares the ground for later 
weapons and tools. It's also more fun. 
Because all those things that make for 
the enjoyment of sex are now selected 
for anything that reinforces the lon; 
term pair bond: the prominent peni 
female breasts permanently on display; 
face-to-face copulation; hairlessness; the 
pleasure of orgasm. All of those would 
serve to keep the male and female to- 
gether and help their children become 
smart enough to survive. 

We're smart because we're sexy. We're 
sexy because we're smart. And we're 
both because, 3,500,000 years ago, we di- 
vided up our labors and started down 
the road of monogamy together. 

. 

Virgin birth to parasites to sex to 
males to competition to different repro- 
ductive strategies to polygamy to divi- 
sion of labor to monogamy: This will 
have to do for our intergalactic female's 
first report. But it isn’t quite the end of 
the story, as we'll be seeing later in this 
series. For human males and females 
are today less constant, and human soci- 
eties аге less monogamous than this 
scenario might suggest. There is more 
competition for sexual and other re- 
sources than there seems to have been at 
the dawn of the Pleistocene era. On the 
ground, in practice, we seem as various 
as those other monogamists, the birds: 
We have rapists, bigamists, adulterers, 
sneaky fuckers of both sexes, polygamists 
and even, in a few cases, the keepers of 
several husbands. For all this, though, 
we are basically monogamous—as most 
birds are. And it is from this that most 


What makes this radar detector 


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used to willingly wait months for it? 


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The unfair advantage. 

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Corroborating evidence 

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The acid test 
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do it. Order today 


You dont have to wait 
Just send the following to the address below. 
Г] Your name and complete street address. 
О How many ESCORTs you want. 
O Any special shipping instructions, 
O Your daytime telephone number 
Г) A check or money order. 


m 


Visa and MasterCard buyers may substitute. 
their credit card number and expiration date lor 
the check. Or call us toll free and save the trip. 
to the mail box. 


=a 
VISA 


CALL TOLL FREE 800-543-1608 
IN OHIO CALL . -800-582-2696 
ESCORT (Includes everything). . ..$245.00 


Ohio residents add $11.03 ог $13.48 sales tax 
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ESCORT 


RADAR WARNING RECEIVER 


O CINCINNATI MICROWAVE 
Department 507 
255 Northland Boulevard 
Cincinnati, Ohio 45246 


PLAYBOY 


194 


HOW YOU GOT 
TO BE YOU: 
A REFRESHER COURSE 
IN GENETICS 


= he gene is the basic unit of 
heredity. Different arrangements of genes make ducks, oranges, spiders, 
bacteria, flatworms and humans. In our case, human genes аге ar- 
ranged in 23 pairs of chromosomes, found in all human cells with 
the exception of sex cells—egg and sperm—which receive only one 
randomly selected chromosome from each pair. There is often gene 
swapping between a pair of chromosomes before that selection is made, 

When fertilization takes place and one sperm outcompetes all the 
millions of others in swimming to and penetrating an egg, 23 paternal 
chromosomes meet 23 maternal chromosomes. And a new individual 
with 46 chromosomes—23 pairs—is made possible. That individual has 
inherited an X chromosome via the mother’s egg. And it will be 
genetically female or male, depending on whether the successful sperm 
delivered by the father carried, to partner it, another X chromosome 
(female) or a Y chromosome (male). If the partnership produces an 
XY pairing, then the uphill struggle to be male begins. 

A human being is a sex cell’s way of surviving to make more sex 
cells. Put another way, a human being is a gene’s way of surviving 
to reproduce itself. And it is at the genetic level that the process of 
evolution must be understood. Each individual is a living test bed 
for a particular combination of genes, a particular mingling of DNA, 
a genetic stab in the dark. If the combination of genes is successful, 
then the individual survives to reproduce the genes, which can then 
continue the evolutionary game into the next round. But if it is not, and 
the individual has some disadvantage that keeps it from reproducing, 
then the genes are withdrawn from the game and disappear. 

Evolution works through survival to gene reproduction: Genes gov- 
erning the urge to have offspring will always outlast and dominate, by 
definition, any combination of genes governing the urge to remain 
childless, We are all of us children of children, back hundreds of thou- 
sands of generations. The genes that favored an absence of children 
have left no progeny. It is in this sense, then, that the drive toward 
reproduction is a fundamental one. And it is in this sense, too, that the 
female drive to power, inasmuch as it is genetically based, can succeed 
only if those who have it have more children than those who do not. 

That sobering thought should remind us that the processes of 
Darwinian evolution take a long, long time. And genetically we are 
still the hunter-gatherers who roamed the thinly populated earth until 
50,000 years ago. If human life is a day, then our movement into 
settled communities was 16 and a half-minutes ago; the Industrial 
Revolution, which has unalterably changed the patterns of our lives, 
was 14 seconds back; the rubber condom and the computer were invent- 
ed just as you got to the end of this sentence. And that is not enough 
time for any fundamental genetic change. Just as the heart hasn’t 
changed in 15,000 years, neither have the instincts and qualities that 
were selected for in human men and women in the 1,000,000 or more 
years that preceded them. —JO DURDEN-SMITH AND DIANE DESIMONE 


of the sexual attitudes in humans derive. 

Women are concerned with the ex- 
tent to which a man can provide (a re- 
cent study asked working-class women 
what they found sexually attractive in 
their husbands, and the dominant themes 
in their answers were moncy and food). 
And they almost always marry an older 
man. Men, by contrast. want youth—for 
reproduction's sake—and fidelity; the 
primary motive in the killing of women 
by men is—in both Africa and the 
United States—reported to be suspected 
or actual female infidelity. That may 
seem like an imbalance, but those qual- 
itics have been selected for by both males 
and females for hundreds of thousands of 
generations: size, strength and ambition 
in men, and constancy, mothering abili- 
ties and nurturance in women. It is, in 
fact, a very delicate balance. How deli- 
cate can be seen in two species of birds, 
Wilson's phalarope and the jacana. In 
both, the males have been bred by the 
females to do much more than their fair 
share of parental care and in the case of 
the jacana they are kept in male harems. 
The females are the winners, you might 
think. But they are also the losers. For 
they are forced into competition with 
one another—now there aren't enough 
males to go around. The females have 
become larger, they are now in the pro- 
tection business and they've become 
more brightly decorated than the 
males—at the aesthetic whim of their 
mates. 

Later in the series, we'll be looking at 
how all this may affect—and effect— 
current relationships between the sexes. 
“IE you want to examine a really primi- 
tive society,” says Lovejoy, “look at the 
West.” But. for the moment. we want to 
leave you with this: If you think human, 
think old. If human life is a day, then 
the invention of the condom, let alone 
the pill, was less than a second ago. And 
if you think human, think rather of two 
sorts of human, bred over a succession 
of generations to express different skills 
and different abilities. Men and women 
are specialists. And in their differences 
lie the roots of their cooperation. In 
their cooperation lie the roots of our 
civilizations. We are as necessary and 
complementary to one another as the 
first egg and the first sperm. 

But what are those differences? Some 
of them can be found in our bodies: We 
are specialists for different reproduc- 
tive functions, specialists for one anoth- 
er's pleasure. But some of them can be 
found much deeper, at the heart of our 
behavior, in the organ that is funda 
mental to the biological inheritance that 
makes us who we are. In next month's 
issue we'll be looking at the most im- 
portant sex organ of all: the brain. Are 
our brains as different as our bodies? 


“Last year it was frogs.” 


195 


1% 


MAID IN FRANCE 
Every household needs a saucy 
domestic named Fifi or 
Yvette to serve high tea, 
polish the si and keep the 
Jord of the manor on his toes 
out behind the conservatory. 
But with the servant problem 
being what it is, you may wish 
to dress your latest lady in 
Mon Cherie—a one-size-fits-all 
French maid's outfit (apron, 
bikini and headpiece) that 
Sensations Parties, 418 Third 
Avenue, Brooklyn, New York 
11215, is serving up for only 
$32.50, postpaid. If you really 
want to do it right, Sensa- 
tions also has a selection of 
slinky garter belts with 
black scamed stockings or 
less black hose. (Yes, 
Francophobes, Sensations does 
sell other types of Ires sexy 
outfits, too.) Ah, ma chérie, 
I'm afraid those old De 
Maupassant volumes шау up 
there on the top shelf do 
need a bit of dusting. 


AL TENNIS DECK, ANYONE? 

audi Arabia play tennis on a rubbersurfaced RoyalDek 
court that won't rot or fade—and they even save petrodollars to 

boot. A 60' х 120 court costs only $14,400 (plus installation expenses), 
as opposed to really big dough for the asphalt version. The moral of 
the story being that if you're a tennis buff, Professional Modular Sys- 
tems, 15 Spinning Wheel Road, Hinsdale, Illinois 60521, can keep you 
swinging anywhere from the rool of an apartment building to a swamp. 


PLAYBOY POTPOURRI 


people, places, objects and events of interest or amusement 


MOONS OVER MIAMI 
Look! Up on the wall! It's not a bird or 
a plane but a 138" x 8'8” photomural of 
Saturn and three moons that's taken 
from images beamed back to earth by 
Voyager I. Environmental Graphics, 
15295 Minnetonka Boulevard, Minne- 
tonka, Minnesota 55343, sells the mural 
for $15, postpaid. (It's one of 16 strip- 
pable ones that range from Saturn to a 
Florida room.) Golly, the last time we did 
it, I saw stars; this time, it’s only oranges. 


THE MOANIN’ AFTER 
Eddie Condon's remedy for a hangover 
was to the juice of two quarts of 
whiskey. +..." If hair of the dog isn't your 
morning-after poison, order a softcover 
copy of The Hangover Handbook, by 
David Outerbridge, that’ 
Harmony Books, Department 89: 
Englehard Avenue, Avenel, New Jersey 
07001, for $4.95, postpaid, Mountain 
oysters, moose milk and less potent chugs 
аге all there. Or you cin take Dean 
Martin's advice and "Stay drunk.” 


TINTING TONIGHT 
The eyes definitely have it: 
Not only are they windows to 
the soul but now, if you use 
soft contact lenses, you сап 
change your orbs’ color 
quicker than it takes to say 
Permatint. Custom Tint 
Laboratories Inc., 3800 Elec- 
tronics Drive, Raleigh, North 
Carolina 04, does the 
tinting, and if you contact 
your local eye guy, he should 
know about the process. 
Prices are about $90, and 
noncorrective lenses are even 
available for people who just 
want to change the color of 
their eyes. D. B. Cooper, for 
example. 


TAKE IT FROM 

THE COLONEL 
Yes, Virginia, there is a 
genuine Army-surplus store 
left in America and its deep 
in the heart of Texas. The 
Strand Surplus Senter at 2202 
rand, Galveston, Texas 
77550, boasts about 20,000 
square feet of ything from 
Mercury Space Capsules for 
53000 to British Gurkha pants 
($18). And Foreign Legion 
tunics ($23). And if you don’t 
find that oddball item you've 
always wanted on its latest 
mail list (it costs one dollar), 
write to or call Colonel 
Bubbie, the leader of the 
Senter, and tell him your 
heart's desire. No, it doesn't 
stock surplus Playmates. 


" 


EI A | BB 


a 


17 


ROLLING THUNDER 
Roller-coaster freaks are a 
breed apart: Mention the late 
Riverview's Bobs, Coney 
Island's Cyclone, Great Amer- 
ica’s American Eagle or Kings 
Island’s The Beast and they'll 
wax ecstatically about g forces 
that twist lips like pretzels and 
the times they almost tossed 
their cookies on a double 
helix, If that is your kind of 
action, A ап Coaster 
Enthusiasts may be your kind 
of club. Membership is $15 
annually (or $25 for 2 couple) 
sent to A.C.E., Box 8226, 
Chicago, Illinois 60680. 
includes a quarterly news- 
letter that's a scream. 


RULE, VICTORIA! 
Reaganomics aside, the hearts and minds of 
more than just a few Americans appear to be 
rooted in the late 19th Century. So, for them, 
there's Victorian Homes, а new magazine pub- 
lished quarterly for $9 a year out of P.O. Box 
61, Miller Falls, Massachusetts 01349, that’s 
about as avant an antimac: Articles in 
the first issue include inside peeks at some great 
Victorian pads. If that's too exciting, there's 
also a story on how to repair a rocker. 


MY LITTLE CHIQUITA 
With everyone getting plugged into personal 
cassettes, it’s пісе to see an alternative source 
of portable sound in the form of Chiquita, a 
miniguitar that comes housed in a velour-lined 
case that also holds a battery-powered 
amplifier and a jack cord. Chiquita is available 
in red, yellow or blue from International 
Music Corporation, P.O. Box 2344, Fort Worth, 
Texas 76113, for $290, postpaid. It’s an easy 
way to travel with amplified good pickin's. 


197 


PLAYBOY 


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WILD IN THE SEATS 


(continued from page 88) 
The gore of the Roman arenas or the 
latest spectator sport” of public hang- 
ings in Victorian England, it was once 
widely held, could never be grouped 
with the cleansing diversions of young 
America. That opinion may have been 
right, before the industrialized socicty 
moved into high gear and lile became 
more frenetic. It was then that sport 
started to be used as a mirror for the 
national character and psyche. Teddy 
Roosevelt—father to the Hemingway 
masculine ethic—became the music man 
to the great throngs secking leisure and 
competition away from backbreaking 
labor; his notes did not sound as tinny 
as they do today 
The late columnist Jimmy Cannon, a 
lovely, grumpy man, spent a lifetime 
trying to sort out the tin from the true 
sound of games. He wrote some days as 
if he had a good sexy at the Light Bri- 
gade's epic run in the Crimean War. 
More often, though, he tried to minimize 
the place of sports in our social structure 


by calling them the “toy department of 
life." Back in the Sixties, it was still 


possible—with no small amount of igno- 
rance and naiveté—to agree with t 
label; not anymore. If sport is a mirror 
of what we are and think, then only a 
quick glance toward any enclosure where 
strong men collide for money and honor 
is needed to see а Dorian Gray hue of 
decay in the reflection. 

Just look, we are told by eminent and 
sincere men, and the corruption is ob- 
vious: the escalating violence on and off 
the field; the Roman priori 
hold in our mind; the athlete as a con- 
duit for our deepest emotions. Ignore, 
for the moment, the secret and growing 
popularity of cockfighting, dogfighting, 
the traveling circus of "tough mar 
boxing, which feeds off the angry frustr: 
mpeded men by putting 
the barroom brawl inside a ring; perhaps 
all of this is only aberration. No, look 
to the big sports for the real thing: the 
retailing of athletic violence. 

How a sport is packaged and how it 
is played are at the root of crowd vio- 
lence. For a riot to occur, the “trigge 
event must always be there: “unjust 
officiating; a beanball war that is not 


y that sports 


tion of socially 


halted; a tedious, sloppy game; umpire 
and referee baiting in the ur 
Oriole manager Earl Weaver, 


Billy Martin and the 
Tommy Heinsohn; or m: 
rible, unexpected defeat. Those pos- 
sibilities—and many more—are always 
present. But now, because every line of 
sports has been heightened and must 
serve the central theme of life and death, 
and because of the new marketing of on- 
the-ficid viole: as a cath 
for fans, stadiums and ar 


¡be just a ter- 


псе 


ic purge 
as аге like 


ns full of dry firewood waiting for 


the gas сап and a single match 
The comforting idea of catharsis or 
“drive discharge” has been around a 


long time and many learned men have 
found it seductive. Nero might even 
have been able to articulate it as a 
reason for the games when the citizens 
grew hostile and restless. Bertrand Rus 
sell thought that sports were an antidote 
to man's innate "savageness." But it was 
the ethologist Konrad Lorenz who 
brought catharsis into full focus after a 
lifetime of studying the habits of birds 
4 animals. The most important func- 
tion of sports, wrote Lorenz, “ties in the 
furnishing of a healthy safety valve for 
that most indispensable and, at the same 
time, most dangerous form of aggression 
that I have described . . , as collective 
militant enthusiasm: 

Robert Ardrey later popularized the 
theme in African Genesis to the extent 
even football players were fami 
with Lorenz findings. Jack Lambert, of 
the Steelers, must have read it: he once 
said that “if we could suit up the whole 
world. maybe we wouldn't have any 


rs. 


more w 

Former San Diego coach Harland 
Svare seemed to agree. After 
howled off the field, he noted cheerily 
that violence was moving “olf the Iront 
pages to the sports pages. Football is a 
safety valve for these pe 

Winning now seems only a by-product 
of the new packaging in sports. The 
violent nature of the games—far from 
Roosevelt's bromides about the rewards 
of “pluck and endurance" from compcti- 
tion—is the vital sell. No part of the 
sports argot speaks more brutally of 
boxoffice intent than the term enforcer. 
the hard man who settles scores and 
ntimidates the opposition. Without any 
real talent, the enforcer becomes a super- 
star because of his spe у һу, 
his willingness to destroy and be known 
for it; he flourishes on all teams and he 
symbolizes the product—what Dr. Beisser 
calls violence as an end in itself 

Or, ay Fred Shero liked to say: “If 
they want pretty skating, let ‘em go to 
the [ce Capades." 

Talking the novelist 
Irwin Shaw once noted, "If the players 
were armed. with guns, there wouldn't 
be stadiums large enough to hold the 
crowds." That seems to catch the essence 
ol most modern sports. Hockey is only a 
cut above a blood sport. ("We're going 
to have to do something about all this 
violence,” Conn Smythe, a legendary 
hockey owner, once cracked, “or people 
are going to keep on buying tickets”) 
Соу 


about football 


nothing less than hedgerow м: 
according to the television pitch of 
the N.E.L. and to Woody Hayes. the 
onetime Patton of college football. The 


balletic game of basketball. too. hı 
eroded into a monotony of aimless ru 
ning. push and shove, the well-placed 
elbow and foot. Even bascball—pastoral 
and cerebral in design—struggles to re- 
tain its dignity in the face of the bean- 
ball and team brawls 

Don Atyeo, the Australian authority 
on carnage in athletics around the 
world. once asked an. N.F.L. spokesman 
about tlie al of his sport. “Its what 
society the official replied. “It 
goes back to the gladiator days. Instead 
of fighting with swords. we're fighting 
with padded bodies." Clarence Camp- 
bell, former head of the N.H.L., told a 
Congressional commitee on violence 
that a hockey game without bone-crush- 
ing contact “is like а harness race—when 
you've seca one, you've seen them all. 
It's a mechanical process, a lovely thing 
to watch. But it won't win hockey games, 
and it won't draw fans. 

While promoters and owners seem to 
think they deserve publicservice medals 
for relieving national tension. the fan 
anonymous and sad brute that he is, if 
you believe what others say he desir 
and must have takes the full swack of 
social criticism. He thirsts for violence, 
and when he does not get it, he can 
become a zombie searching for an 
adrenaline fix that sometimes turns him 
into a barbarian. If that seems to be the 
rough picture of the massive waves of 
people who roll amocbically in and out 
of stadiums, then Dr. Stanley Cheren 
adds some dimension to the cuto 

Dr. Cheren, an associate professor of 
psychiatry at Boston University, once 
testified at hearings in Washington on 
the possibility of a Sports Violence Act 
He sees the current atmosphere as а 
“vicious cycle” that is linked to the 
mob's desire to see other people hurt. 
Using as an example the notorious 
injury of the Steelers. Lynn. Swann— 
sapped by Oakland's George Arkinson— 
Cheren cites the phenomenon ol 
jadedness to show what happens to our 
sensibilities 

Says Cheren 


For fans to respond, 
the fallen. player has to demonstrate 
something more impressive and ргис 
some than pain. If he does not move a 
muscle—in other words, if he looks 
dead—then some ripple of reaction runs 
through us; otherwise, we just want the 
uy off the field. It takes that hushed 
sense of the ultimate stroke to make us 
tense up. A broken bone won't do it 
anymore, We want the real th d 
we want to see it close up. Nothing per- 
sonal in all this. we just will not accept 
anything less than authentic horror: and 
when we have seen enough of that, we 
will need something still more extreme.” 

The fan has company on this vicious 
cycle in the person of owners and play- 
ers. Of course, no owner would recognize 
his place there. On the way to making 


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PLAYBOY 


200 


money, he will that he is merely 
providing escape for the public, no dif- 
ferent, say, from a good detective story 
or rock concert. Pressed, he will talk 
about the need for strict crowd control 
and will reiterate the strong measures 
he will take against the use of drugs by 
his playas—the prime boost (usually 
provided by team doctors) for violent 
and “inspired” play on the field. Be- 
h the words, the rule of thought is 
basic: Pay the players twice a month, 
give them a fistful of amphetamines and 
сер the circus rolling. 

The player, it seems, is caught in the 
middle, knowing full well what the front 
office expects of him, but also under- 
ding better than anyone what Cicero 
meant, speaking for all fans: “We hate 
those weak and suppliant gladiators 
who, hands outstretched, beseech us to 
live" He knows that the nature of his 
work is sometimes to lift sadism and 
violence 10 a fine art. “The harder I hit 
people, the better I like it,” defensive 
end Tim Rossovich once enthused. 
"When you hit a guy and he hits the 
ground hard and his eyeballs roll and 
vou see it and he looks up at you and 
he knows you see it, then you've con- 
quered hin. It's a great fecling." 

Such comments are not confined to 
the frankly vicious world of pro football. 
Baseball players often talk about the 
shaking knees ol a batter after a white 
blur lifts the chin; and hockey players 
speak reverently of the pow: 


ne: 


м 


of a stick 


that's used like a scythe. It's just another 
day in the armada galley for them and 
they know the bill won't come due till 


er: the old injuries that return in the 
form of daily pain; the mental problems 
that come from a life of keening rage 
and competitiveness suddenly scaled 
down to a faceless, everyday kind of 
existence. R. C. Schneider, a neurosur- 
geon, wrote in 1973 that “there is prob- 
bly no better experimental or research 


boratory for human trauma in the 
world than the football fields of our 
nation." 

Dr. Arnold Mandell, a psychi 

spent three years in that lab with the 
San Diego Chargers, one of those years 
on the side lines and close to th 
Dr. Mandell was no stranger to blood 
and violence; he had worked 
їегп in an emergency room. But he was 
never the same after his first close-up 
view of the "big hit" in pro football. 
"When I ran through the details," 
s. "I became aware that they had 
actually accelerated into each other be- 
fore they hit. Two hundred and 20 
pounds hitting 220 pounds while 
celerating. Mass times speed 
kinetic energy. Kinetic energy is 
force that dents cars on collision. 
nervous system never really recov 
from that first hit until close to the 
of the р ^ 

Mandell also found 
middle of something like 
of dı 
treating the violence іп 
he says, “is high-dose amphetan 
baseball player who has to be sharp w 
ke five milligrams. Now, that's differ- 
ent" He that the the 
Chargers were taking were massive, “You 
actually become for the peak effect of 
the drug . . . crazy. And it’s the most 
murderous type of crazy we know. It's 
the paranoid psychotic, the killer of 
Presidents.” 

From Mandell, it now seems like a 
long and shaky leap to the theoretical 
escape hatch of sports as catharsis, the 
up side of sports violence. Like head- 
breaking Dave Schultz of the old Flyers, 
we all supposedly become amiable and 
civil after a stadium bloodietting—play- 
er and fan alike. (“Dave is a pussycat off 
the ice,” his wife delighted in saying) 
But many studies in the scientific d 
ciplines are beginning to cast a 


the 
battle station 
igs. “The most important influence 


himself in 


football," 
ne. The 


says dosage: 


“Oh, thanks very much, 
but what if I get postcoital depression on top of 
postholiday depression?” 


shadow over the idea that sports [ree 
tensions and quell our call-ol-the-wild 
instincts. 

The work of anthropologist Dr. Rich- 
ard Sipes, for опе, disagrees with the 
torchbearers of cathartic experience. Dr. 
pes studied ten warlike societies and 
ten peaceful ones, then looked at U.S 
history from 1920 to 1970, in addition 
to that of 133 other nations. His con- 
clusion was that “aggressive behavior is 
best reduced by eliminating combativ 
or conflict-type sports.” 

Even the pioneer Lorenz seems to be 
having second thoughts. Writing їп 
Psychology Today, he said, “Nowadays 
I have strong doubts whether aggressive 
behavior even in the guise of sports has 
any cathartic effect at all.” 

So who really wants to agree with 
Sipes? Very few of us, to be sure. From 
peewce leagues on up. we have been 


taught that sports are healthy and con- 
structive, they will bring out the 
best in u 


that is always present 


cause ol parents and coaches. And then 


there is the mythic quality of the mem- 
ories: the work of Mays and Aaron with 
snaking 


a small bat against a hissing 


cisi 
the thrills give 


n of a pitcher like War 
to us by Johnny Unita 
the splendid grace of a Jerry West; the 
way the Montreal adiens could 
sometimes turn their game into a pretty 
dream. They all seemed to give us а 
vision of ourselves, to mark the road in 
the long. uncertain journey of human 
existence. 

The urge is strong to ignore honest 
m ОГ sports, to sce much of it as 
mic rhetoric and wrongheaded 
Yet it is not that casy. The 
ind travels back to the dreary evening 
Ranger soc- 
cer match in Glasgow when the mobs 
turned the streets into a jungle night. It 
also focuses on little newspaper reports: 
Denver man shot by friends in bar be- 
cause he turned the jukebox up during 
a Broncos game on television; man kills 
wife with blow to the head when she 
switched channels during а MetsCubs 
game: or this wildest image of all from a 
wire-service report in 1978: “A school 
football coach in Florida has been ac 
cused of inviting his pupils to kick a 
ken to death in order to put them 
in a fighting mood for a competition 
He painted the chicken with gold 
id asked his team to think of it as an 
eagle, said Mr. Sam Foly of the Amer- 
Humane Association. “Then he told 
n to sce it as a member of the oppos- 
n. The boys took him at his 
chased the chicken around the 
field and kicked it to death." The coach 
was also accused of biting the heads off 
frogs as part of his pre-game pep talks." 

Something, indeed. is going on 


out 


there. But protectionism from Washing- 
ton or the idiocy ol, say, a sports Moral 
Majority is, їп the words corg 
Leonard, foolish vanity.” Leonard is 

cool and wise social critic, a pioncer 
of new games. “The structure provided 
by sports.” he says, “is especially crucial 
in a time when every other structure 
seems uncertain. The way of being, the 
lifestyle gained [rom a mythic commit- 
ment to football, say, may have certain 
d; ers in these times, but it is probably 
less dangerous than no way of being at 
all. Rather than simply attacking con- 
ventional games, we might better work 
for reform and change of emphasis in 
certain attitudes.” 

That will take long evolution. The 
fans. the essence ol games, seem mu 
closer to Lee Walburn's speculati 
about piranhas cating cach other 
television. Fan consciousness s 
inured to violence, its old sense of sports 
totally brutalized by manipulative own- 
ers. by players who seem to have con- 
tempt for the public. and finally by the 
fan's own demands on a given sport; 
more is never enough. Brin 
arena a whole grid of pressures from 
rampant technological from 


lous and swiftly changing society in 


which а scrap of recogn 
the fan is far from those who used to 
measure the hero the way Carlyle did. 
Like lightning out of heaven; the rest 
of men waited for him like fuel, then 


they too would flame 
The fan’s own complicated life, his 
wy of the players’ style of life and 
rd mercantile profile 
all helped dim the hero 
But the still pays his 
. for there is no release or escape 
from the cratered landscape of his own 
ms in an office or a factory. or in 
eyes of the family that demands so 
much of him. That is the cosmology of 
sports: titillation, belonging, losing one's 
self and identity through common pu 
pose. Like all good surfaces, this hides 
the roiling underside, the observable 
fact of violent kickback that ые 
darkens the heart of sports. 

And what will come of 
grenade thrown on the field? A 
powered rifle aimed at a football huddle? 
Or will it be that most familiar of mod- 

n scenarios: the lonely, thwarted hunt- 
er of fame, armed with a pistol. trailing 
his idol-villain from city to city? 

With a ticket in our hand and a turn. 
stile only a few miles а , we give 
quick gaze toward Carlyle's sky and, see 
ing nothing, we turn back and wait for 
the only drama that now seems capable 
of reaching our ravaged sensibilit 
the creak of boot leather behind Sonny 
Liston's car; only louder, please 


much louder, 


«тер ae е ront il 


Sigel has aclean, polished 
peppermint taste. Smoother and 
less syrupy than you'd expect from 
a shot of schnapps. So after a hard 
day's work, pour yourself some 
Steel. The 85 Proof Schnapps. 


PLAYBOY 


ULTIMATE SKIING 


(continued from page 136) 


“I told my date that the accepted first aid was to 
climb naked into a sleeping bag. We practiced.” 


love the grand gesture.” This is Peter- 
port: 
"The call was made. She gave same- 
day service. Riding the elevator at Sta- 
pleton International Airport, we read a 
sign that said: FOR SECURITY REASON 
CONVERSATIONS IN THIS ELEVATOR ARE 
MONITORED, We flipped the orr switch 
to stop the elevator between floors and 
aged in some heavy petting. Some- 
where, someone got an carful. Later we 
engaged in some scrious fooling around 
in the car, in the parking garage, while 
n automatic voice intoned: “The white 
for loading and unloading only.’ 
"The next day, we made our way on 
cross-country skis to a ghost town. At an 
abandoned mine, we lound a rusted cart, 
frozen in its tracks. standing guard out- 
side some broken-down shacks. We had 
chocolate bars, apricots and cider in our 
packs. We leaned our skis against the 
wall and ate lunch. I explained the dan- 
gers of high-mountain recreation. spe- 
cifically hypothermia. 1 told my date 
that the accepted first aid was to take off 
your clothes and climb naked into a 
sleeping bag. We practiced. We were a 
million miles from nowhere, a hundred 
years from now. A definition of paradise: 
to be in the middle of nowhere, with a 
Jacuzzi 30 minutes down the road. 


JACKSON HOLE 


If Aspen is where people go to show 
off wealth, Jackson Hole, Wyoming. is 
where they go to hide. There are doz- 
ns of millionaires in a town of 5000 
residents, and they make a point of be- 
ing inconspicuous. Instead of wearing 
fur coats, these superrich work for the 
volunteer fire department. Still, one 
local shop does sell a T-shirt that reads: 
THE MAN WHO DIES WITH THE MOST TOYS 


The supreme distraction at Jackson 
Hole is a day (or a weck) spent with 
High Mountains Helicopter Skiing—our 
introduction to the ultimate skiing ex: 
perience. We had signed up with High 
Mountains and, becau: 
closed in, we were put on its waiting 
list. The next day, while we were stand- 
ing in line to get lift tickets, the woman 
behind the counter said, “Oh, High 
Mountains called. Today you get to go 
helicopter skiing.” We looked out at 
Rendezvous Peak, covered with two feet 
of fresh powder. 

The skier in line behind us said, 


“With n a half hour, we had joined the 
the take-off point behind the 
ana Snow King hotcl. A Hughes 


attack helicopter lifted us up into a val- 
ley called Cache Creek. We thought of 
the scene in Apocalypse Now, the heli- 
copters flying into battle to the sound of 
The Ride of the Valkyries, Robert Du- 
vall saying, “If I say it's safe to surf this 
beach, it's safe to surf this beach!’ 

The copter set down gingerly on a 
peak where mortal men wouldn't have 
had room to pitch а tent and we 
dropped over the cornice in pairs. The 
snow was meaty, gorgeous, filet mignon 
powder. We started g turns, gei 
ting used to the consistency. The onc 
thing no one tells you about powder is 
this: Learn to do one turn in it and 
you've got it licked. Repeat the motion 
a few hundred times and you're back at 
the ‘copter, out of breath and ready to 
do it again. The first run was a bit 
awkward. A few of us made contribu- 
tions to the beer fund (anyone who falls 
down antes up). One of us qualified for 
the hard-alcohol fund. Gradually, we 
got the hang of it and sailed along 
the perfect, natural terrain through glis- 
tening glades, down avalanche-carved 
chutes and over meadows covered with 
20 feet of snow. 


THE CARIBOOS 


The Jackson Hole lesson served us 
well for the trip to Blue River, British 
Columbia, for a few days of helicopter 
skiing in the Cariboos, Truly the ulti- 
mate ski experience! What was it like? 

The nylon web belt encircled our 
waists and pulled us down in the 
cramped cabin of the Bell helicopter, 
The noise was deafening. The hclicop- 
ter skied up the face of a cliff, then 
began to descend toward a ridiculously 
confined crag. In the blowing snow, we 
could see an orange-tipped stake outside 
the window. The engine idled. We un- 
buckled, climbed out onto the ridge and 
crouched, covering our eyes against the 
maelstrom. The guide pulled skis out of 

basket attached to one of the skid: 
The pilot lifted off and suddenly the 
was silence. We were alone, with єй 


When we stepped into our bind 
the solid click of equipment was ге; 
suring. We followed the guide down a 
ridge | to the edge of a bowl. He told us 
to wait and pushed off, moving down 
the fall line through two feet of “powder 
with a style as methodical as touch typ- 
ing. We thought of John Skow's descrip- 
tion: “He is making a movie of himself.” 
In slow motion. We watched ake 
ach twrn, each frame of the movie. He 


was as slow and graceful as a pendulum, 
as regular as clockwork. He did not rush. 
He was balanced, fluid, efficient. 

At the guide's signal, we pushed off. 
Never nd the details, we were in ii 
up to our eyeballs powder. At the 
bottom of the slope, we turned and con- 
fronted our track. Tt was unique, as 
inescapable as our handwriting. Good 
enough. Nothing to be ashamed of. Far 
fucking out 

On the second run of the day, we 
stopped on the edge of a ridge. Across 
the valley, we could see the tracks from 
our first run shining in the sun. A neon 
signature, a sine wave. The glowing pat- 
tern of n oscilloscope. 
The tracks were etched across a snow 
field that shimmered with surface ren- 
sion. In slow motion. a cloud of white 
billowed and rolled down the face of 
rock cliff. The sound reached us a few 
seconds later. Avalanche. We turned a 
whiter shade of p: 

Helicopter skiing is the whole ball 
game in the Cariboos. For patrons of 
this sport. aprés-ski might as well be the 
French phrase for “go to sleep." At 
night. we sat on the porch and listened 
to the owner's son tell knock-knock jokes. 
We watched the town dog relicye itself 
on the town fire hydrant. We seriously 
considered following а lawyer from 
Georgia on a journey to the post office. 
He was going to buy stamps. and he 
promised entertainment: “TI lick them 
real slow,” he sa 
This wasn't life in the fast lane as we 
new it. We listened to stories about 
the girl from England who danced top- 
less every night. The group from 
fornia—both male and female—who 
ended the week by taking off their 
clothes and holding a Venice Bcach 
disco party in the ski shop. Pictures of 
the event are kept in a shrine. Locals 
pay their quarter, pull the curtain aside 
nd contemplate the decadence of the 
outside world, 


TELLURIDE 


Telluride, Colorado, is a former boom 
town, the site of one of the richest gold 
mines in American history. Butch Cas- 
sidy robbed his first bank here, and The 
Senate Bar still has on its wall the wood- 
en roulette wheel that ran nonstop for 
34 years (all bets in gold or silver only). 
The whole town was declared a Na- 
tional Historic District in 1961, so ve 
lite, especially the exteriors, will be 
changing 

The ghosts of old m 
in the air, and the town attracts its 
share of eccentrics and non-Equity char- 
acter actors. We walked into a local bar 
and saw a picture of the Flying Epoxy 
Sisters on the wall—three guys who ski 
on a single pair of skis at the same 
time, wearing dresses. When the trio 
came to town, one of the Jocals appar- 
ently took offense. He cornered an 


ners seem to flash 


[ 


“Маат, the sheriff's department frowns on messin’ in 
these lovers’ spats. And besides that, there ain't no such thing 
as assault with a dead weapon!” 


203 


PLAYBOY 


204 


Epoxy Sister in a bar and began to ques- 
tion the virility of a guy who liked to 
wear dresses. The Epoxy Sister looked 
him in the eye and said, “You can throw 
a punch. You can buy me a drink. We 
can have fun any way you want” John 
Wayne would have worn a dress to de- 
liver a line like that. 

People who feel out of syne with the 
real world come herc to play in Amer 
ica's attic, this town full of old clothes 
ad old buildings and new kitchenware 
boutiques. When we asked a Responsi- 
ble Person about Telluride's marketing 
strategy, he thought for a while and 
said, “We want to attract as many rich 
single women as possible.” A few nights 
later, we stumbled into the Jacuzzi at 
our lodge sometime after midnight and 
ran into a naked woman cavorting with 
three naked men. They casually ad- 
journed to her room while we soaked 
our muscles. The marketing plan seems 
to be working, at least for some. 

To skiers, Telluride is known for the 
steeps—The Plunge and its neighbor, 
the Spiral Stairs (known locally as the 
Spiral Scares). These runs are the Super 
Bowl and the world series of bump runs 
Each trail plummets 2200 vertical fect 
(emphasis on vertical) and is cut about 
three skiers wide through the trees. As 
for the moguls, you can't figure out 
how they managed to park all those 
snow-covered Volkswagens on such a 
steep incline. About a third of the way 
down, your knees surrender. Your lower 
body is abused, and if you cross your 
s, even for an instant, the engine of 
Iear kicks into overdrive. You worry 
pout tumbling directly into the pool of 
the Telluride Lodge а half mile below. 
Two thirds of the way down, you hit a 
flat section and think, Thank Сой, it's 
over. You relax your concentration. 


Then the whole front of the mountain 
drops away and there, now a mere 1000 
feet below, staring you in the face 
through the gun sight of your ski 
the town. Your breath sounds like a 
Darth Vader sound track. Your body 
becomes a heat pump that is rapidly 
pushing toward meltdown. You make a 
pact with your knecs—]ust get me out 
of this alive and I promise not to make 
love in the nu ion for six 
months. Нот 

When you reach the bottom, you real- 
ize what you've done. You've passed one 
of the ultimate tests of American skiing. 
The memory is like mental muscle tone. 
It's a take: The silent movie that resides 
your mind is there for the asking, and 
it'll get you down every bump run you'll 
ever encounter. This is the nature of 
confidence. You'll never be less than the 
person who skied The Plunge. 


WHISTLER 


Early in the season, when the sun is 
low, the people who run Whistler 
Mountain in British Columbia will park 
a jeep with its headlights aimed at the 
lift lines, so that early birds can find 
their way to the gondola or the Olive 
Chair. We met one guy who couldn't 
wait for that. He camped out at the top 
of the mountain, sleeping overnight in 
a snow cave, so he could have the first 
run down the mountain in the morning. 
No one thought he was crazy. Such ex 
е behavior seems perfectly logical 
ceptable when you have a moun- 
1 that offers this much. 

At the very top is a series of enormous 
bowls, one of which has Whistler Glacier 
nestled inside it. We skied with a guide 
who led us past Harmony Bow! and 
Whistler Glacier, over a ridge into 
Whistler Bowl, which is technically out 


“Will it bother you if I read?” 


of bounds. We were alone, sheltered by 
the cliffs, with our laughter echoing ой 
the rock walls. We cut figure eights, then 
dropped through a forest of pine and fir 
and cedar and hemlock, eventually 
ching a marked wail far below. It was 


You can hang it out anywhere 
you want, but you sure as hell had better 
be prepared to reel yourself back in. 
Don't expect the ski patrol to baby-sit if 
you need a Band-Aid out bcyond the 
boundaries, 

One day we caught a glimpse of an- 


other acceptable use of the property as 
we were skiing across Whistler Glacier. 
This vast wave of powder had been 


etched. with the usual figure cights, thc 
linked furrows. In the middle of the 
coils of tracks, three or four skiers 
packed down a run that was as straight. 
a plumb bob. What rational skiers 
had taken in 40 turns they were going. 
to schuss. 

"We do it to get used to going fast; 
they told us. “If you're going to race 
downhill, you've got to get comforta- 
ble at this speed. Then you can learn the 
subtleties, like how to turn." The next 
generation of kamikaze kids. 

They asked us if we wanted to try 
a run. Petersen strapped on long skis and. 
a helmet, and crashed and burned at a 
highly inflationary rate of speed. Time 
slowed. Between bounces, he took a 
complete inventory of his body. He no- 
ticed that one of the skis, cartwheeling, 
had slashed his forearm. “Far out," said 
the madians. “You looked like the 
opening to Wide World of Sports.” 

In the ski-patrol shack, so 
plied bandages. The patrolman filled 
out a form. “How old?” he asked. 

“Thirty-two,” said Petersen. 

The kamikaze kids just stared. “How 
can someone that old be that crazy?" one 
of them asked. 

The patrolman corrected him. “How 
can someone that crazy have gotten to 
be that old?” 


one ap- 


SQUAW VALLEY 


A hostess volunteered to show us the 
top of a steep bow] called Sun Bowl at 


the California resort of Squaw Valley. 
We began by sidestepping up an icy 
ridge barely wider than our skis were 


long. On one side was а 100-foot cliff. 
Two inches in front of our skis was ап 
equally steep precipice that ended in a 
tumbled mass of jagged rock. We became 
totally involved in the miracle of edg- 
ing, concentrating on the tiny acts that 
would keep us from sliding to an unfor- 
tunate and untidy demise. Our lives 
wanted to flash in front of our eyes, but 
the film was jammed in the projector. 
"The ridge terminated at the base of a 
cliff. We took off our sl balanced them 
on our shoulders and, with our free 
hands, began to climb an orange ladder, 


which we assume was fastened securely 
to the rock. The ladder gave way to a 
cable stretched taut across a sheet of 
ice. We pulled ourselves to the summit 
The scenery was magnificent. The Sier- 
таз stretched for miles. The sunlight rico: 
cheted off the waters of Lake Tahoe, 
doing something that light had never 
done to water before. 

The only way down was the other side 
of a cornice; we wondered if we could 
call i. We could hear the gun click 
behind us because the hostess had al- 


ly pushed off—and we were supposed 
to be following. It's her duty to show 
newcomers the c 
Here that means the skier slips over the 
edge, at an angle to the headwall. 

With great care, we slid over the edge. 

We established contact with the slope, 
planting our poles, pulling ourselves into 
the center of the turn. The first one was 
cautious. We overedged. Gradually, we 
let the skis slide. stroking the mountain 
as we would calm an animal (Down, 
boy. We focused on completing cach 
turn. The price of freedom is eternal 
vigilance. 
We stopped at the bottom of the slope, 
Ady with adrenaline, This is another 
take. another silent movie that will last 
for the rest of our lives. We recall the 
details: the lichen on the face of the 
cliff, the layers of rock, the orange flecks 
of paint, the sheen of the ice, the exact 
мге of the mark in the snow made by 
the toe of a boot. 

Having broken the laws of gravity, 
we looked at the hostess. We were cer- 
tain that sex, should it occur, would be 
incredible. Suddenly. a part of the moun- 
in loomed over our shoulders. It was a 
member of the ski patrol. her boyfriend 
66” or so. "Um, you guys OK?" he 
asked. "I was worried. We got a report 
that someone fell off the clills." 

We both looked at our escort and 
then at her boyfriend, and cach of us 
had the very same thought: We may take 
risks, but we're not stupid. 


siest way to the bottom 


A FEW WORDS ABOUT SPRING SKIING 


When spring rolls around. everyone 
in ski country acquires ап altered state 
of consciousness. The grins become four 
feet wide. The snow still falls, the sun 
still shines. but the tourists are long 
gone. People indulge in controlled sub- 
stances or reasonable facsimiles thereof 
We heard one story that describes the 
skiing subculture perfectly. It seems that 
some degenerate phoned in a bomb 
threat to a ski area. A search uncovered 
several sticks of dynamite in a locker 
in the | 


se lodge, and the management 
was faced with the problem of clearing 
the cafeteria without panic until the 
bomb squad arrived. They sent the 
scruffiest character they could find 
through the linc. As he moved past the 
French fries and hot chocolate, he 


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PLAYBOY 


206 


THE ULTIMATES OF ULTIMATE SKIING: 
AN ECLECTIC GUIDE 


Best Night Life: 1. Aspen, Colorado. 
Still crazy after all these years. 2. Vail, 
Colorado. Not as high-toned as Aspen, 
but lots of action. 3. Sun Valley, Ida- 
ho. Partying is a tradition here. 4. 
Stowe, Vermont. Not as highly publi- 
cized, but very lively. 5. Crested Butte, 
Colorado. Tops in the Small Resort 
Division. Most night life per capita. 

Toughest Runs: 1. The Plunge 
the Spiral Stairs, at Telluride, Colo- 
ado. A tie for tops in sustained de- 
pravity. 3. High Rustler, at Alta, 
Utah. The ultimate in exposure, like 
skiing off the edge of the earth. 4. 
Gunbarrel at Heavenly Valley, Cali- 
fornia. Bumps—so many bumps. 5. 
The Starr and the Goat (tic) at 
Stowe, Vermont. Thin as toothpicks, 
with trees on the sides and moguls in 
your way. 

Best Saloons: 1. The Million Dollar 
Cowboy Bar, Jackson. Wyoming. 
Real cowboys. Real cowgirls. Re 
fisthghts. Real saddles on the ba 
stools. 2. The New She n E 
Telluride, Colorado. Wonderful Ми 
toriana and gold-rush atmosphere. 
3. The Senate Bar, Telluride. A place 
where you wouldn't be surprised to 
see a guy pay for his drink with gold 
dust. 4. Hotel Jerome Bar, Aspen, 
Colorado. Legendary gathering spot. 

Prettiest Girls: Mammoth Moun- 
tain, California. Charlie's Angels go 
skiing. Thousands of them. 

Prettiest Women: Sun Valley, Ida- 
ho. The women here wear clothes 
they couldn't get away with anywhere 
else. Pro-race week is mind-boggling. 

Best Expert Terrain: 1. Snowbird 
and Alta, Utah (tie). Unrelentingly 
steep and deep. 3. Jackson Hole, 
Wyoming. Thousands of 
challenging wilderness. 4. Stowe, Ver- 
mont. You climb for the best. 5. Taos, 
New Mexico. 6. Whistler, British Co- 
lumbia. Above and beyond, Canadian 
style. 


acres of 


Best Intermediate Terrain: 1. Snow- 


do. Intermediate heaven. 


for all skiers. 3. Sun Valley, Idaho. A 
huge mountain for solid intermedi- 
ates. 4. Park City, Utah. Wasatch 
powder on fun trails. 5. Killington, 
Vermont. Biggest in the East 

Best Outdoor Pool: Sun Valley 
Lodge, Idaho. Float through the mist. 
Soak in the romantic vibes. 

Best Brunch: Penelope's, Crested 
lorado. Be sure to reserve a 
table in the glass-enclosed back room. 


Fresh pastries, frui 
egg dishes. 

Best Dessert Menu: The Phoenix 
Restaurant, Sugarbush (where else?), 
Vermont. The waiter's description of 
the treats is fattening all by itself. 

Most Expensive Areas: 1. Aspen 
and Vail, Colorado (tie). You don't 
really have to spend much at these 
places, but it's fun. 3. Stratton, Ver- 
mont. Тош New York parties here. 

Least Expensive Areas: 1. Mam- 
moth Mountain, California. Surpris- 
ingly affordable ho nd meals of 
high quality, plus California wines. 
2. Alta, Utah. Ten-dollar lift tickets 
and a couple of inexpensive lodges. 

Most Romantic Lodges: |. Aspen 
Ski Lodge, Aspen, Colorado. Compact 
and modern, with superb taste ond 
attention to detail. 9. Sun Valley 
Lodge, Idaho. The grande dame of 
American skiing. full of charm and 
memories. 3. Aspen House, Snowmass, 
Colorado. Only four suites and м 
expensive, but worth 
Lodge, near Crested Butte, Colorado. 
Isolated, rustic and wildly romantic. 
5. Christmas Farm Inn, Jackson, New 
Hampshire. Everything a New Eng- 
Тапа inn should be. 

Best Saint Bernards: Summit Lodge, 
Killington, Vermont. Often disguised 
as mild-mannered buildings. They 
even snooze in front of the fireplace. 

Best Approach to a Ski Area by 
Car: The drive to Mammoth Moun- 
ain, California, from the Reno air- 
port. Forests, mountains, desert 
Mono Lake—nature's greatest hits i 
four hoi А close second is the dri 
to Whistler, British Columbia, froi 
Vancouver, between the towering 
green mountains and the blue fiords. 

Best Approach by Air: Denver to 
Crested Butte, Colorado. Tiny Col- 
orado Airlines flies over and occa 
sionally between peaks of the front 
range of the Rockies. JUI leave you 
breathless. 

Best Winter Carnival: Steamboat 
Springs, Colorado. They stage it for 
themselves, not for the tourists, so 
the fun is genui: 

Best-Dressed Skiers: Sun Valley, 
Idaho, and Stratton, Vermont (ti 
Both have fashion shows that are 
stunning, with ton leading in the 
eyeshadow and make-up departme 

Best Place to Go Shopping: Aspen, 
Colorado. Three stars lor conspicuous 
consumption. Great selection of high- 
quality goods. — TOM PASSAVANT 


daiquiris, unusual 


whispered, “It's a bust” Within five 
minutes, the base lodge was empty. 

Even without drugs, the attitude read- 
justment in the spring is worth noting. 
At Squaw Valley, the lift attendants set 
up a charcoal grill and serve barbecued 
chicken to those most deserving—i.e., 
everyone having a good time. At Banff, 
the locals celebrate a religious holiday 
in honor of Saint Donini—the patron 
saint of a popular jug wine of the same 
name—by consuming large quantities of 
the stuff, At Mammoth, there are picnics, 
costume bikini parades. 
Amen. At Vail, the management spon- 
sors something called Mountain Mad- 
ness. The locals dress up in gorilla suits, 
banana suits, Tinker Bell suits, etc., and 
take to the mountain. At Snowmass, 
skiers construct a jump near one of the 
swimming pools at the base. At the end 
of the day, they cruise down, hit the 
ramp and launch themselves into the 
pool—boots, skis and bota bags. At 
every mountain that is still open. skiers 
strip down to T-shirts and bikini tops to 
catch some rays. At Keystone, a chalk 
board near one of the lifts sums up the 
feeling: SMILE. EVERYONE WILL WONDER 
WHAT YOU ARE UP TO. 

At Stowe, we encountered some locals 
who told us about the gondoliers— 
people who've had sex on the 12-minute 
ride in the enclosed cars. The quarters 
are cramped and your time is limited. 
but, hey. Skiers have to plan their posi- 
rt taking off 
their clothes in the lift line. The crew 
at the top of the gondola used to ap- 
plaud the cars that arrived with steamed- 
up windows. Then somebody got the 
bright idea of rubbing no-fog cloths on 
the Plexiglas for a better view, We asked 
a couple of gondoliers if 12 minutes left 
much time for foreplay. “What's fore- 
play?” they asked. 

We could go on forever—about skiing 
the trees at Steamboat, exchanging busi- 
ness cards with a beautiful young lady in 
an avalanche chute at 
our day on the Outer Limits at Killing- 
ton, about climbing to the top of Mt. 
Mansfield and skiing down through the 


rties and 


tions in advance. They sta 


Hobacks, about heated sw 
white-outs, the day we invented a new 
drink called a Jacuzzi sunrise, the perfect 
day at Taos. The day that Jenny and 
Cheryl took off their tops to ski bare- 
breasted past the camera at Alta, through 
two fect of fresh powder. Cruising at Sun 
Valley, while a sailplane hung against 
the clear-blue sky. Ten inches of powder 
at Stratton. Moonlit tours across a high 
meadow near Aspen the night of a 
meteor shower. 

As we told our colleagues when we got 
back to Chicago: И was а dirty job, but 
somebody һай to do it. 


KAREN ALLEN inon 


“Having money is still overwhelming. It’s incompre- 
hensible that I don’t have to worry about the rent.” 


they had in common was that the cult 
gave them a sense of spirituality. They 
ecstatic spiritual experiences that 
didn't match anything they'd encoun- 
tered. And even after they'd been depro- 
gramed, it was the one thing that kept 
coming back to them. 


7. 


s are also portrayed as 
fanatic. What are you fanatic about? 
ALLEN: Physical exercise. I'm very vul- 
nerable to physical tension, and maybe 
it's because I have so many conflicts in- 
side me all the time. Maybe it’s just 
from living in New York. So I do as 
many physical things as I can, every day, 
whether it's running or playing tennis 
or working out in a gym. It's the only 
way I can feel relaxed. 


8. 


һа 


pLaYnovy: Cul 


PLAYBOY: You had some real physical ex- 
periences doing Raiders, especially with. 
snakes. Have you since learned to like 
them? 

ALLEN: I never hated them. The worst 


thing about it was how totally undressed 
I was in those scenes. I mean, I had 
nothing on my feet, and nothing on my 
legs, and this dress with no back on it. 
The first few days, the snakes did bother 
me a little, because there were so many 
of them and because they moved so 
quickly out of the shots, and so the 
people working with them had to throw 
them back into the shot—at me. So 1 
would be standing there, getting hit by 
hundreds of snakes in order to get them 
around my feet and make the shot look 
scary. I actually started to like them and 
be able to pick them up. I only minded 
the ones that bit, but of all of them, we 
had only about 50 pythons. I never got 
used to them. The others were sort of 
cute. 


LA 


PLAYBOY: One thing Raiders did for you 
was increase your bank account. What 
do you spend your money on? 

ALLEN: Actually, I've been pretty re- 
strained. Well, I produced a play in 
New York with my own money—actually 


coproduced it, so the money wasn't all 
mine. I guess I'd lik in the 
country and horses; some place outside 
New York that's far enough to be away 
but from which I could still travel back 
and forth. Having money is still a little 
overwhelming to me. I sometimes think 
of myself as I did earlier in life, when I 
was on my own and had no money at 
all. It’s a little incomprehensible that 1 
don't have to worry about paying the 
rent. It's not a totally familiar state to 
me yet to think I have enough money 
to be extravagant. 


a house 


10. 


PLAYBOY: What do you do to blow off 
steam? 

ALLEN: I play music with a lot of friends. 
We get together and jam. I play the 
guitar a little and the piano, but lately 
Tm into the harmonica. I'm a pretty 
mad harmonica player, though I 
wouldn't say I excel. But it's become 
my fascination in the past couple of 
years. Bésides, it makes me fecl great. It 
gets me really high, like anything that 
makes you push your breathing to the 
extreme. And since I smoke, it's neces. 
sary that I have something to balance 
that out. 


п. 


PLAYBOY: We understand your father 
was in the FBI. What's it like to grow. 


BREWED AND BOTTLED IN CANAI 


DA; imported by Martlet Importing Co., 


Thirsting 
forthebest of 
Canada? 


Make sure its 
Molson. :; ғ 


Inc., Great Neck, N.Y. 


PLAYBOY 


208 


up with a С man for a dad? 
ALLEN: I always found it kind of in- 
triguing. First of all, because 1 didn't 
really know what he did. He could never 
talk about his work. But I always 
thought that whatever he it must 
have been fascinating. 105 like your 
father being a minister or something. 
There's a certain sense of responsibility 
you grow up with. You feel you have to 
live up to a certain standard. When I 
was 18, 19, 20, during the years when all 
the demonstrations were going on. it 
had its biggest effect on те, I figured 
that if I got myself in trouble, it would 
have some effect on him. The FBI is 
very tough about who it takes on. My 
dad was very hard-line FBI—though he's 
not with them anymore—and he thought 
the world of J. Edgar Hoover- 

12. 
PLAYSOY: What do you read or watch? 
ALLEN: I'm pretty seriously addicted to 
Time and Newsweek. As much as 1 like 
reading a newspaper, I just don't find 
the time to do it. Besides, those maga- 
zines also avoid going into all the gory 
things that go on in New York as some 
of the papers do. І don't like to read 
about murders and child abuse and all 
that. It really depresses me. It’s not that 
I want to blind myself to what's going 
on, but you take in all that stuff and it 
tends to scare you. All of a sudden, 
you're alraid to go out by yoursell. 


13. 
PLAYBOY: Yet you've traveled extensively. 
What do your trips tell you about where 
you live? 


ALLEN: Every time I leave this country, 
Tm reminded of our enormous aflluence. 


People who haven't traveled have no 
of the number of choices we have. 
I's unbelievable the way people live in 
Tu ia, where we shot Raiders. It was 
fascinating, because I'd never been in a 
Moslem culture before, where you see 
women walk ten steps behind men. And 
they never touch in public I had a 
chance to talk with a woman who spoke 
English who, at the age of 18, had de- 
cided not to wear the veil She was 
ostracized from her community and 
eventually left for Paris. In Tunisia, if 
you're an American, you're the scum of 
the earth. And picture me, running 
around in my little white dress, shooting 
this film, surrounded by thousands of 
Moslem men. They looked at me like 
the worst kind of evil. 


14. 
problem 


with sexual 


avzov: 
nces? 
ALLEN: No, but they probably thought I 
was a whore or something. 1 never had 
a chance to talk with one and really find 
ош. And I don't know if they even 
would have told me. They were really 
aghast at a woman on the crew, working 
in 125-degree heat, dressing in shorts. It 
was like they were among sin. They had 
Men are for love and women 


Any 


a saying: 
are for babies.” That's their philosophy 
of life. 


15. 


PLAYBOY: Sounds like you had a good 
time. What's your philosophy of life? 

ALLEN: It’s just believing there’s a pur- 
pose to life and that we all have a task. 
That doesn’t necessarily mean doing one 
job your entire life. It's just an attitude. 
The task is living life, accepting it. I 


COCHRap! 


“It doesn't do you any good to sit in the hot tub, 


Willard, if you sit in the hot tub and worr 


n 


remember something my father told me 
when I was a kid. One of the happiest 
people he knew was this guy whose job. 
at the FBI was to change the rolls of 
toilet paper. He would go around this 
huge building and put new rolls of 
paper in each day. That's all he did. 
And my father envied this man because 
he was always singing and whistling and 
always had a kind word for everybody. 
My philosophy is giving as much of your- 
self as you have to give; it's appreciating 
anything you do well And the same 
must be the secret of relationships. 


16. 


PLAYBOY: What sort of man need not 
apply to Karen Allen? 

ALLEN: I don't like role playing in a 
relationship. There are still men who 
expect women to perform certain tasks. 
I find that very irritating. It drives me 
crazy to think the man can be messy or 
chaotic and the woman is supposed to 
run around after him, cleaning up and 
straightening out his life. 


17. 


aynoy: In Raiders, your character, 
Marion F nwood, is introduced in a 
drinking scene and comes across as а 
woman with a cast-iron constitution. Is 
that you? 

ALLEN: Т don't drink much. Maybe wine 
and stuff, and then mostly with dinner. 
І like cognac, too, and th abou 


18. 


rLaysoy: Where do you hang out in 
New York? 

ALLEN: I like to go hear music. so I go to 
those kinds of clubs. I like the Ritz a 
lot. They've developed a wonderful at- 
mosphere there. And they have interest- 
ing bands. I'm fascinated by the punk 
and New Wave music. I think they're 
doing some really wonderful things. 


19. 


rtAYBOY: Now that we have a beautiful, 
ntelligent, independent woman captive, 
would you please tell us what is so 
attractive about Woody Allen? 
ALLEN: Well, the obvious things are his 
incredible wit and his ability to laugh. 
at himself. And there's also his verbal 
sensibility. He's a sensitive man, yet that 
doesn't shut down his ability to express 
the irony of life. You know, he sees all 
around. At the same time, it’s obvious 
he doesn't think of himself as attractive. 
There are a lot of contradictions in who 
he is as a person that a 


20. 
PLAYROY: When did someone last ask 
what your sign was? 
ALLEN: God! Just the other day. Does it 
still matter? 


Pall Mall Light 1005. 
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4 Wolfschmidt Genuine Vodka: 
The spirit of the zar 


a Т тү "um 
À ET: 2 ЧЕ Eife has changed since the days of 


the Czar. Yet Walfschmidt Genuine 
Vodka is still made here to the same 
Supreme standards which elevated 
it to special appointment to his 
Majesty the Czarand the Imperial 
Romanov Court. 

Wolfschmidt Genuine Vodka. 
The spirit of the Czar lives on. 


im, Wolfschmidt 
¡y Genuine Vodka 


ME 


= = O 7 


OFFICE 


MAKE IT YOUR BUSINESS 


ot long ago, it was a key to the executive washroom 
that turned an upwardly mobile executive’s eyes 
green with envy. Today, it’s more likely to be a 
jack copy machine that takes up no more 
space than a microwave oven or a desktop dictation/ 
transcribing system that’s so hip it shows you the 


cracke 


The High Chair (near right) fea- 
tures two pneumatic controls that 
let you pick a seat height from 24” 
to 32” and adjust the angle of the 
back, $404; while the Classic 
Drafting Stool next to it has a 
pneumatic lift and a comfortable 
chromed-steel footrest, $199, both 
from Charvoz-Carsen, Fairfield, 
New Jersey. Al center is an EP 320 
copier measuring only 21" x 22" x 
12" that will duplicate just about 
anything from letterheads to trans- 
parencies al the rate of 18 a minute, 
by Minolta, $3995. The electronic 
typewriter below it is a Praxis 35 
portable with 44 alphanumeric 
keys (100 printable characters) and 
16 function keys, by Olivetti, about 
$750, including a carrying case. 
The machine at bottom right is a 
DCX ш Dictamation Dictating / 
Trans g System that includes a 
desktop transcription unit and an 
ultralight microcassette portable 
recorder; the desktop unit features 
a visual display that shows the 
length of each letter and a device 
that will permit changes or inser- 
ons without erasing a word, by 
Dictaphone Corporation, $625. 


length of each letter or memo before it’s typed. And the 
latest office chairs are so comfortable that even Ebenezer 
Scrooge would trade in Bob Cratchit's rickety stool for a 
pneumatic one that can be airlifted to the sitter's choice 
of heights. If office equipment gets any slicker, 
we may actually look forward to going to work. 


© 1981 NMC-U.SA. 


RICHARD KLEIN 


FASHION 
DIGGING BLACK GOLD 


he image of style you project is not based solely on 
the clothes you wear. Your accessories and other 
personal touches—including even the type of pen 
you carry—are weighed in the balance by others. 
And, today, with the world’s preoccupation with matters 
financial, one sure-fire way to convey your message to the 
big boys in the board room is through the wealth of per- 


sonal items available in black and gold and combinations 
thereof. From a gold-stripe-on-black umbrella to a gold- 
banded black-velvet hat, the effect is far from somber. 
And it's also elegant in a simple, classic manner that con- 
veys understated authority and a background of good 
breeding. Best of all, many black-and-gold accessories—in- 
cluding the mother lode pictured here—don't cost a fortune. 


Above: Black and gold goodies to dig include (clockwise from 12): a leather shoulder bag, by Peter Barton's Closet, about $420; that's atop a black 
chenille muffler, by Jeffrey Aronoff, $75. Next to it, black leather gloves, from Pierre Cardin for Elmer Little, about $35; a black nylon and gold 
brolly, by Mespo for Pierre Cardin, 530; anda black felt hat, by Makins Hats, about $50. Proceeding clockwise: gold-plated black onyx cuff links 
and studs, by After Six, $25; black matte collar bar, by The Collar Company, $8; gold-plated pocket knife, by Pierre Cardin for Swank, $16; 
gun-metal/gold-plated key chain, by Christian Dior, $22.50; and a Gemline black obsidian/rose-gold-plated lighter, by Alfred Dunhill of London, 
$340. To the left, gold-plated cuff links, $28, and a tie bar, $14, both by Pierre Cardin for Swank. Below them, a black fountain pen, by Mont Blanc, 
$210. Last, a gold-plated money clip, by Christian Dior, $20; a black lizardskin wallet, $40, and key case, $32, both by Arpiel Leather Goods. 


214 


Touch Up 


In keeping up with British royalty this month, we present a 
lord, PATRICK LICHFIELD, and a lass, known only as ROSS. 
The lord, a cousin of the queen, took many of the Prince 
Charles/Lady Di wedding pictures. The lass is posing for а 
calendar. We haven't investigated her blood lines, but we 
know a celebrity breast when we see one. 


Main Squeeze 


In December's ptavaoy, we brought you the word on PETER 
BEARD and CHERYL TIEGS. Now you get the picture. We 
salute the quiet moments in a celebrity marriage when ¡Us 
just the twosome, alone on a balcony, with nothing between 
them except alittle fabric and a camera. 


тт 


The Jackson One 


We do hope that the night 
MICHAEL JACKSON 
greeted his fans with this 
gesture of warmth was not 
the night Katharine Hep- 
burn chose to attend. 
Hepburn was concerned 
that the music would be 
too loud. Is this the Sign 
for turn down the amps? 


A Teenager in Love 


We're going to give this story to you the way we got it. This photo is an exclusive 
and the people who sent it swear by their story. Are you ready? This, folks, is Her 
Royal Highness PRINCESS DIANA, taken in the days before history found her, 
removed her shower cap and changed her life forever. Even if this turns out to bea 
hoax, we've had a few laughs, so what the hell? 


Hynde Over Matter 


CHRISSIE HYNDE, seen here revving up for the 
continuation of The Pretenders’ American tour, 
needs to have a few words with her tailor. After a 
fitting, she and the band finished a video tape to 
accompany their newsingle, / Go to Sleep, written 
by the Kinks’ Ray Davies. 


Hold On, I’m Coming 

Let's see, the Stones’ tour grossed about 
$40,000,000. Tatoo You hit the top of the charts. 
Their faces have appeared in or on the covers of 
most publications. You've had the rest, now you get 
the best. Here’s MICK searching, successfully, we 
hope, for the fountain of youth. 


The Breast 
Is Yet to Come 


Are you ready for a brief history lesson? ELSA 
MARTINELLI used to appear in PLaysoY regularly. 
Her first pictorial for this magazine was in October 
1963. Film director Vittorio De Sica said of her 
then, “She looks as if she had been painted in oils.” 
She co-starred with an impressive group of Hol- 
lywood biggies, such as John Wayne, Kirk Douglas, 
Robert Mitchum and Tony Perkins, The years have 
passed, but nothing has slipped, except her dress. 


216 


ANNIE'S BEEN 
WORKING ON THE 
MIDNIGHT SHIFT 


Suppose a male boss and his female 
employee begin a flirtation, sparks fly 
and eventually they have an affair. Sup- 
pose, then, that the woman decides to 
call it quits and the boss fires her. Is 
that sexual harassment? 

In the opinion of a New York civil 
court, the answer is no. In the case in 
question, a woman claimed to have 
been fired from her job because she'd 
stopped sleeping with her boss. Charg- 
ing sexual harassment, she sued to get 
her share of commissions. The defense 
argued that if her motion were granted, 
any future employee who had sex with 
a boss would be guaranteed permanent 
employment. Perhaps that's a possibil- 
ity the Unemployment Administration 
may want to explore, but the case is 
definitely one that cries out for a clari- 
fication of the term sexual harassment. 

That proved no problem for Man- 
hattan Supreme Court Judge Paul Book- 
son, who ruled that once the employee 


Above, the French newsy transacts a sale of L'Echo du 
Macadam, the printed mouthpiece, so to speak, of pros- 
titution in Paris. The monthly is sold to the general public 
and is edited and published by the ladies of the night. 


SEX NEWS 


This snipped-V lapel pin indicates that the 
wearer has had a vasectomy. It comes with 
a Tshirt and vasectomy certificate for 
$20, from С.Т. Ltd., PO. Box 271-A, MI 
Gilead, Ohio 4333B. It pays to advertise. 


bound to arise. The ultimate Eight- 
ies juggernaut: Sexual Harassment 
Meets Fucking Your Way to the Top. 
One might think the two terms were 
mutually exclusive, and that's apparent- 
ly just the way Bookson intends to keep 
it. In any case, we can thank the judge 
for a new employee-pays-later ap- 
proach to sex on the 
job. Now, any boss who 
thinks he's in line (or out 
of line) for a harassment 
suit ought to work fast, 
be irresistible and have 
eyewitnesses when the 
ultimate act occurs. 


SEEDY 
ART 


You might say artist 
Barton Lidice Benes is 
dabbling in conceptional 
art. Benes wanted to 
create a work to cele- 
brate male fertility, so he 
mailed off cards to 100 
male friends and asked 
them to stain them with 
their own sperm. Only 
five friends complied, 
but the undaunted Benes 
mounted their stained 


“however reluctantly” gave in to her 
boss's sexual requests, she surrendered 
her rights to claim harassment. Accord- 
ing to the Judge Bookson decision, it 
seems a boss can be found guilty of 
sexual harassment only up to the point 
when he/she manages to score. There- 
after, the employee had better fall back 
on old habits and possibly into the 
nearest Eames chair and continue to put 
out or move on and forget the harass- 
ment claim, because his/her claim will 
not be valid. 

It seems to us that the judge has 
stumbled upon a conflict that was 


cards on hospital-type 
slides, priced the set at 
$600 and placed them on sale at a New 
York gallery. If you're interested, we'd 
like to tell you about some choice lots 
in Florida. 


SEX NO RX: 
POPPING 
THE ZIT MYTH 


Once again, it is our duty to clarify, 
1o edify, to assault ignorance full- 
scale on a matter pertinent to sexuality. 
We're talking about that blemish on all 
social interaction, that curse on prom 
night, the lowly pimple. For many 


years, the belief has persisted that skin 
eruptions spring from an inactive sex 
life. Now dermatologist and researcher: 
James E. Fulton says no evidence sup- 
ports that belief. What's more, he says, 
chocolate and French fries are equally 
innocent of complexion debauchery. 
It's all genetic, and your personal habits 
don't have much influence on the sit- 
uation, though a good dose of tetra- 
cydine occasionally helps. Just think, 
now here's something teenagers can 
actually blame on their parents and 
make stick. 


SO YOU THINK 
YOU'VE GOT 

PROBLEMS, FELLA 
Changes in sex roles seem to be a 
growing cause of stress among men. 
Sexuality Today recently published a 
list of common male conflicts prepared 
by James M. O'Neill, a University of 
Kansas psychologist. Just in case you 
think you've got nothing to worry 
about, here's a partial list of O'Neill's 
selections: fear of femininity, fear of. 
emasculation, fear of being vulnerable, 
fear of failure, homophobia, limited 
sensuality, restricted sexual and affec- 
tionate behavior and treating women as 
sex objects and inferiors, low selí-es- 
teem, work stress and strain, restrictive 


‘GARRICK MADISON 


The dream water pillow is sort of a minia- 
ture water bed. We suppose you can do 
everything оп it tha! you can do on the full 
size and less. Is $15, postpaid, from 
American Plastic Products, 5100 West 
164th St., Suite 2, Brook Park, Ohio 44142. 


emotionality, restrictive communica- 
tion patterns, obsession with success/ 
achievement, socialized power needs 
that restrict self and others, socialized 
competitiveness that restricts self and 
others, and socialized dominance needs 
that restrict self and others. We rec- 
ommend that you clip this list, care- 
fully fold it and keep it in your wallet 
for the next time someone asks 

what's bugging you. Ba 


“You dont have to 

wait to be great 
with 

Olympus OM-10.” 


“You don't have to wait to be a great photographer” 
Ў says Cheryl Tiegs. “With the automatic Olympus OM-10, you're already there. 
(ho ( ص‎ Wherever you go, you can shoot like a pro. I know! My OM-10 makes pictures 


Actual Photo by Chery! Tiegs 


like this a snap....” 

Its easy to see why countless OM-10 owners turn into shooting stars. No 
35mm SLR makes terrific pictures easier. Its revolutionary 
OTF™ system automatically sets exposures off-the-film. 
As you shoot, not before. Like no other SLR near its price. 
And OM-10 isn't just incredibly easy to use. Its incred- 
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far costlier cameras. With options like foolproof flash, rapid- 
fire auto winder, and nearly 300 great Olympus lenses and 

accessories. 
If you thoughta great camera like this was beyond your 
reach, think again. Olympus OM-10 is one of the lowest- 
M) priced automatic SLRs. You don't have to wait to be great. . .! 
For information, write Olympus, Woodbury, NY 11797. 
In Canada: W Carsen Co. Ltd., Toronto. 


OLYMPUS «x0 


” 


PLAYBOY 


218 


ч 


JACK DANIEL 
SQUARE GLASS SET 


Mr. Jack Daniel was the originator of the 
square bottle for his whiskey and always 
wanted to have a matching square glass. Well, 
here it is! This hefty square glass (each 
weighs 14 ounces) is the perfect companion 
to a bottle of Mr. Jacks finest. The inside is 
rounded to make drinking а pleasure and the 
original design 15 fired on for good looks and 
durability. My $15.00 price for a set of 4 
glasses (8 oz. capacity) includes postage 
Send check, money order ot use American Express, 
Visa or MasterCard. including all numbers and 
signature. (Add 6% sales tax for TN delwery ) For a 
color catalog full of old Tennessee items and Jack 
Damels memorabila, send $1.00 to the above ad 


dress In continental U S. of A call 1-800-251-8600 
Tennessee residents call 615-759-7184 


Distinctive Lingerie for 
Your Private 
Moments- 


Intimately Yours 


The “Sophisticated Lady" 

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NIGHT 'N DAY 
INTIMATES CATALOG! 
Lingerie at its loveliest, laciest, sexi 


designer originals. Full-color catalog—ordered 
separately, $2.00 each; $5.00/year. M8999891) 
(Catalog price refunded with Ist order.) Order today— 
You'll be delighted! 
Night'N Day Intimates, Dept. EN-1004 
340 Poplar St., Hanover, РА 17331 


NEXT MONTH: 


GEN 


= 


MYMISTRESS | GUN TROUBLE 


BARBARA CARRERA 


‘SPECIAL DELIVERY 


` 


“THE TROUBLE WITH GUNS”—EVERYBODY'S FOR GUN CON- 
TROL, AS LONG AS IT'S SOMEBODY ELSE'S GUN BEING CON- 
TROLLED. A PESSIMISTIC LOOK AT THE CHANCES OF BRINGING 
ANY ORDER OUT OF CHAOS—BY WILLIAM J. HELMER 


“MY MISTRESS” —METICULOUS FRANK IS HAPPILY WED TO THE 
PERFECT WOMAN. SO WHY IS HE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH SLOPPY 
BILLY? A WRY TALE—BY LAURIE COLWIN 


“HOW TO DEFEAT DEFENDER"'—HINTS ON HIGH SCORING 
TO KNOCK THAT COMPUTER CHIP OFF THE MANUFACTURERS’ 
SHOULDERS—BY WALTER LOWE, JR. 


“AYE, BARBARA”—THE BEAUTIFUL MISS CARRERA IS NOW 
STARRING IN THE MICKEY SPILLANE THRILLER /, THE JURY, BUT 
YOU'LL SEE MORE OF HER HERE 


“MAN & WOMAN, PART THE BRAIN AS SEX ORGAN”— 
THE EVIDENCE, ALBEIT CONTROVERSIAL, IS TRICKLING IN: WE 
MAY ACTUALLY BE BORN WITH DISTINCTLY MALE OR FEMALE 
MINDS—BY JO DURDEN-SMITH AND DIANE DE SIMONE 


“THE FAMILY JEWELS"—YOU MAY THINK WE WERE NUTS TO 
SCRATCH THIS SENSITIVE SUBJECT, BUT OUR ESSAYIST HAS 
ENOUGH COJONES TO HAVE HAD A BALL WITH IT. HANG IN THERE 
WITH ROY BLOUNT JR. 


“PINBALL”—THE AUTHOR OF THE PAINTED BIRD AND BEING 
THERE INTRODUCES US TO A BEAUTIFUL BLACK PIANIST AND 
HER PORN-STAR LOVER—BY JERZY KOSINSKI 


“BOOM DREAMS”—GILLETTE, WYOMING, IS THE GRANDDADDY 
OF MODERN BOOMTOWNS, THE ONE OTHERS WILL RESEMBLE IN 
ANOTHER DECADE OR SO. WE PUSH OUR CORRESPONDENT TO 
THE EDGE OF THE FUTURE—BY CRAIG VETTER 


PATRICIA HEARST, IN HER ONLY IN-DEPTH CONVERSATION, DIS- 
CUSSES HER KIDNAPING, HER RAPES, THES.L.A., HER 19 MONTHS 
ON THE RUN AND HER SURPRISING OPINIONS ON FORMER COM- 
RADES AND FAMILY IN A MEMORABLE PLAYBOY INTERVIEW 


“WESTERN UNION WAS NEVER LIKE THIS”—AN APPEALING, 
AND A-PEELING, LADY MESSENGER BARES ALL 


ЭФ this stufinin 
“Spectre'Spectac 


P.O. Box 6817, Santa Barbara, CA 93111 for details and entry forms. Limit one entry per mailed envelope. Void where prohibited: 


Kawasaki 


q 


Sweepstakes’ with over 10,000 prize 


Enter beginning February 27, 1982 2 ipating Kawasaki dealers. No purchase necessa ryentries must be received on of beid 
March 29, 1982. Valid drivers licensee 


= " = : 
Ro df 


йгед. Residents of Ohio may also write: Spectre Spectacular Sweepstakes, 


Letthe good times roll. 


w motorcycle and enter Kawasaki's 


. 


MEL 
© Pons 


LIGHTS: 8 mg. “tar”, 0.8 mg. nicotine, 
FILTERS: 15 mg. "tar", 1.3 mg. nicotine, av. per cigarette by FTC method. 


e о ИОН 
Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined Exi T 2, ^ 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. Camel e Lights and Filters. *