Skip to main content

Full text of "PLAYBOY"

See other formats 


PLAY 


ENTERTAINMENT FOR MEN 


TWO FINALISTS FROM 
. THE MRS. AMERICA 

PAGEANT IN AN 

EXCLUSIVE PICTORIAL 


IS ANYBODY 
HAPPY? 

THE PLAYBOY 
SEX SURVEY 
PART THREE 


IS LOS ANGELES 
permeate if 


FORT 

'84 OLYMPICS? 
NORMAN MAILER'S 
WILD EGYPTIAN 
NOVEL 

JIM PALM 


SURPRISE A TOMATO. 


In your next Bloody Mary try something different. 
Seagrams Gin instead of vodka. You (and your tomato) will love 
the smooth and refreshing taste of Seagrams Gin. 
Just remember, when you leave out the vodka, leave room for moderation. 


X. 2 
(© 1983 SEAGRAM DISTILLERS CO.. NYC. 100% NEUTRAL SPIRITS: DS 


9 


"Nopain,nogain: 


To unlock your body's potential, we proudly 
offer Soloflex. Twenty-four traditional iron pumping 
exercises, each correct in form and balance. All on a 
simple machine that fits in a corner of your home. 

For a free Soloflex brochure, call anytime 


1-800-453-9000. 
BODYBY 
SOLOFLEX* 


SOLOFLEX," HILLSBORO, OREGON 97123 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


Newport 


Afterall, 
if smoking isn't a pleasure, 
why bother? 


SPIGED RUM? 


Yes, delicious iue а rum...for better tasting rum drinks. 
Morgan 


Spiced Rum Pina Colada 
lor. cream of coconut, 

4 oz. pineapple juice, 12 oz. 
Captain Morgan Spiced Rum. 
Smooth and pleasing. 


Spiced Rum & Cola 
1% oz. Captain Morgan 
Spiced Ram, 3 oz. Cola, 
lemon twist. The classic 
made sensational. 


Spiced Rum Collins 

1 tsp. sugar, juice of 

Y lemon, 2 oz. Captain 
Morgan Spiced Rum. Add 
club soda and enjoy. 


Spiced Rum Mai Tai 

V oz. lime juice, V2 oz. 
almond syrup, 1 tsp. sugar, 
2 от. orange juice, dash 
grenadine, 1*2 oz. Captain 


— 
Puerto Rican Rum with Spice * Morgan Spiced Rum. 


ud Other Natural Flavors 


Produced by Captain Morgan Rum СА 


Spiced Rum Daiquiri 
M Arecibo, Puerto Rico go PRO 


Ve oz. lime juice, 1 tsp. 
sugar, 1'/ oz. Captain 
Morgan Spiced Rum. What a 
delicious difference Spiced 
Rum makes. 


SPICED RUM 
Golden Rum with exotic tropical spice. 


t 


PLAY BILL 


GUINEVERE, AT LEAST according to Lerner and Loewe, claimed that 
May was the lusty month. Not about to argue with a woman who 
has many strong friends, we've stoked this issue with cnough lust 
to fuel 50 medieval Maypole bacchanals. Still, that's not all 
you'll find in the pages that follow. There will be classicism, ter 
rorism, bisexuality, Kinski and a genuine May Pole. 

You don't need a photographic memory to recall Ansel Adoms, 
опе of the world’s best-known photographers and а feisty en- 
vironmentalist to boot. In a colorful Playboy Interview conducted 
by David and Victoria Sheff, Adams opens the shutter on his views 
on the natural beauty of the planet and th 
the current Secretary of the Interior. 

There are many classical touches in May's fiction, part two of 
Norman Mailers Ancient Evenings. But who's touching whom? An 
excerpt from Mailer's Little, Brown novel of the same title, this 
month’s conclusion has Pharaoh’s right-hand man left to guard 
the Queen of the Nile and her fertile delta. 

In The Targeting of America: A Special Report on Terrorism, 
Laurence Gonzales sights a new wolf at the door. If international 
terrorism is as bullish as he thinks, its next battlefield could be 
Wall Street, or your street. James Р. Wohl has prepared a bitter sce- 
nario—A Terrorists’ Guide to the 1984 Olympics —to accompany it. 

Scems we've cornered the market on star photographers this 
month. His style is very different from Adams’, but Helmut New- 
ton also creates vistas of topography (nude), and Nestessic Kinski 
is certainly a resource worth conserving. The lifelike Marlene 
Dietrich doll you'll find in Nastassia Kinski Exposed dates back to 
the Thirties; photographer Newton became so fond of it that we 
gaye it to him, Our movie maven, Bruce Williamson, had the plea 
ure of Miss Kinski's company in writing the text 

The Playboy Readers’ Sex Survey springs into its third install- 
ment this issue, asking the musical question “Do bisexuals really 
double their chances of getting a date on Saturday night?" 
Lovingly illustrated by Kinuke Craft, it may be one of the most 
eye-opening studies of sex you'll ever ее. 

One of the least traditional television columns you'll ever see 
begins this month, It’s by Teny Schwartz, who wrote for Newsweek 
and reviewed TV for The New York Times before turning on to us. 
"be a little iconoclastic in this column," says Schwartz. 
“Working for PLAYBOY gives me more license than working for, 
say, the Times.” True to his promise, he kicks off his column by 
predicting the demise of one of the big-three networks. 

If you think there's nothing lusty in baseball, you've never 
seen Baltimore Orioles hurler Jim Palmer pitch bikini briefs 
er gets debriefed by The Washington Post's Tom Boswell in this 
month's Palmer vs. Palmer. We fired a brush-back pitch in Bill 
Utterbock's direction (“Bring your brush back, Bill”). He dusted 
himself off and came through with a hit illustration. 

Last year, the movics featured a homesick extraterre 


Palm- 


trial, a 
boxer with a Roman nose and a numeral to match and Spock's 
last grok. This year’s The Year in Movies is even better. Slaved 
and slavered over by Senior Staff Writer Jomes R. Petersen, Assist- 
ant Photo Editor Patty Beaudet and Associate Art Director Theo 
Kouvatsos, it’s got all of the above and some notable sex, too, 


Contributing Editor Devid Rensin climbed the mountain to 
Chorlton Heston’s house for May's 20 Questions. One of our most 
articulate movie heroes, Heston offers lines on acting, politics, 
boots, sex and the big issue of the day, nuclear disarmament. 

Believe it or not, there are Iwo Miss Mays in this issue. The 
first is an actual May Pole, this month's pinup girl in the Polish 
government's official skin calendar for 1983, which we've titled 
Gdanskins Aren't Just for Gdansk. Our American model isn't a 
member of Solidarity, but she’s striking, nevertheless. Photo- 
graphed by Stephen Wayda, Playmate Susie Scott is a computer 
programmer you'll never erase from your memory. So proceed 


SHEFF, SHEFF 


І 


GONZALES NEWTON 


i 


BOSWELL UTTERBACK 


RENSIN REAUDET, PETERSEN, KODVATSOS. 


322 FOR 12 ISSUES POSTMASTER. SERD FORM 337: 


3ND-CLASS POSTAGE PAID AFCHGD., ILL, & AY ADDL MAILING OFFICES SUBS INTRE U Y. 


ов. 919. м. MICHIGAN AVE. сно, Lt, вот! 
JO PLAYBOY, F о вод 2420, BOULDER. COLO. 80302. 


© 1983 JILL KREMENTZ 


PLAYBOY. 


vol. 30, no. 5—may, 1983 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 
N E E PAS ОЧАТ НАК eee Migne 5 
THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY, 2 7 13 
DEAR PLAYBOY ....... иь E 15 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS. ..... блм рос REE * 25 
Good investments for a shaky future. 
SPORIS eT OG De 2В 
A conversation with the Nets’ Darryl Dawkins, 
Ancient Evenings. : MUSIC ТЕ 


29 
Hanging | ovt with David Letterman's Paul Shaffer; David Bowie os the 
Great Emancipator? 


MOVIES ....... Е BRUCE WILLIAMSON 36 
High fliers, scenic wonders and a pair of feminine rescue jobs. 
VIDEO € E г Mee ook. TEE 5 
Debut of a feature on cassettes and discs 
TELEVISION TNCS , ON. emt: Тэ e TONY SCHWARTZ 42 
Our newest columnist bows with some gloomy predictions. 
BOOKS... 44 
Tevis takes up chess; ‘Karas explains space wars; and Page limns ‘Nam 
COMING ATTRACTIONS ....... 2... JOHN BLUMENTHAL 45 
Duck! Here comes the summer of 83. P. 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR s . ihe, Ried ne C) 
DEAR PLAYMATES 2 eee 53 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM ..................... MEC е 57 
а= : PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: ANSEL ADAMS—candid conversation... 67 


He's the dean of American photography ond Smokey the Bears best 
friend. To his credit, the U.S. Secretary of the Interior is mad at him. What 
makes this 81-year-old environmentalist/lensman click? He supplies the 
answers in this wide-angle view of his art and his life, plus his frank 
approiscls of James Watt, Ronald Reagan and others. 


THE TARGETING OF AMERICA: 

A SPECIAL REPORT ON TERRORISM—article .....LAURENCE GONZALES 88 
The P.L.O. blew it in Lebanon, so in the true pioneer spirit, terrorists ore 
heading west. Incendicries may be moving to the United States. Perhaps 
it's time for a new sort of neighborhood preservation. 


A TERRORISTS’ GUIDE TO THE 1984 

OLIYMPICS-—urticle еч . JAMES Р. WOHL 90 
If you think the toughest event at the “Olympics is the decathlon, guess 
again. It's a good bet that terrarists are already in training for some non- 
scheduled events. Here's how our best minds view the campetition. 


MEET THE MRS.— pictorial. . d c 93 

Mrs. Oklahoma ond Mrs. Georgio, bath former contestants in the Mrs. 
$ America Pageant, are a pair of living testimonials to the wondrous pow- 
Moves Year : er of morrioge 


THEY ARE TO BE RETURNED AND, 
REGISTERED U.S. PATENT 


GENERAL OFFICES: RLAYDOY BUILDING, 019 NORTH MICHIGAN AVE., CHICAGO, ILLINOIS воин. RETURN POSTAGE MUST ACCOMPANY ALL MANUSCHIPTS. DRAWINGS AND THOTOGRAPIS SUBI 


eee I тз MAGATINE AMO ANY REAL PEOPLE AND PLACES s PURELY COMCIDENTAL CREDITS: PHOTOGRAPHY BY” LARRY BARRIER, P. ы: STEVE COLNOLA/TIVE MAGAZINE; P. I3; NEHOLAS DE SCIOSE. F Y3; RICHARD 


COVER STORY 

Facing off with you this month is screen gem Nostossio Kinski, displaying her wet 
look. You remember Nostassio from Cat People. If you look closely, you'll see thot 
she hos lotely deserted her feline predilection. In fact, she's gone ond sprouted 
Rabbit ears. Fomed femme photographer Helmut Newton's cover shot starkly docu- 
ments the harey tronsformation. As for Kinski, we'd soy she gives greot face. 


ANCIENT EVENINGS, PART II fiction NORMAN MAILER 100 
A second look at an exciting new novel. This time, the Pharaoh removes 
Menenhetet from his gig os keeper of the royal harem and puts him to 
work for the Queen, which gives our hero the first recorded cose of delta 


hiss 
BARTENDERS’ SECRETS—drink .. .. EMANUEL GREENBERG 103 
The professicnols tell how they deliver the punch 
PALMER VS. PALMER—personolity Г, -. TOM BOSWELL 104 
The most laid-back ball of nerves in boseball, hes olso the most disci- Є 
plined sex symbol in medioland. If opposites attract, then Orioles pitch- Sex Survey 
ing ace Jim Polmer must be very together. 
LOVE AT FIRST BYTE—playboy’s playmate of the month ........:..... 108 


When Salt Lake City computer specialist Susie Scott told us she just loves 
men to death, we decided to take o peek ot her progrom. When you see 
her software in action, it will definitely give you some dota to process. 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor ................................ 122 
STAYING POWER— attire dea е p DAVID PLATT 124 
The Modern Jozz Quartet in the enduring harmony of classic ensembles 
THE PLAYBOY READERS’ SEX SURVEY, PART Ill article ds 126 Bartenders’ Secrets. 


This month: Do bisexuals really double their chances of getting o date on 
Soturday night? The nonstraight respondents to our for-reaching Playboy 
Readers’ Sex Survey soid yes ond no. We compare ond contrast the be- 
havior of heterosexuals with that of homosexuals and bisexuals. We told 
you this study was for-reoching 


THE YEAR IN MOVIES ... 3 2 pe. AE 85, 130 
We'd like їо thank Tinseltown for making oll this possible: Hollywood 
herpes, the joy of sex onscreen, the memorable heroes and villoins and 
some of the best lines since “Frankly, my dear, | don’t give a damn.” 

20 QUESTIONS: CHARLTON HESTON. FVV 
We ask the stor of Planer of the Apes what he thinks about this planet. He 
calls Ed Asner stupid; he colls Paul Newman innocent; he calls the Rus- 
sions treaty breakers; but he would never call the President Ronnie 


HOW MEN BECAME MIND READERS—ribald classic 141 


GDANSKINS AREN'T JUST FOR GDANSK—pictorial E 54. 
When Polond's Communist Porty issued о 1983 pinup colendor, we 
thought it might be a Polish joke. But, os you'll see, these ore real party 


girls $ 
PLAYBOY FUNNIES—humor ........... V 
PLAYBOY POTPOURRI .................... 33 208 
PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE........... e 229 
Loser-reod discs ore in your oudio future; the ‘83 Turbo T-bird takes off 
from zero to 60 in nine seconds; Grapevine; Sex News. Olympic Terrorism 


) ,) ̃ . P. 5: LOU JOFFRED, P. 13; RICHARD KLEIN, P- $, 134 (8), 208; LIRRY L- LOGAN, P. 13: D 1990 
о Au © 


PUGLEY. F138; ETIENNE GEORGE/SYCMA, P. 
UD. ALL тоно RESERVED, P. %% AARON RAFCPORT, P. 130: © STEVEN SANDS, P. 130: DENNIS SILVERSTEIN. P. (2), 208; VERNON L. 

лом SPECTER: P5; ALICE SPRI JOHN WHITMAN, P. 5; PHOTO COURTESY OF THE INSTITUTE OF JAZZ STUDIES, RUTGERS UNIVERSITY, F. 124, ILLUSTRATIONS БҮ: ERALDO CARGA, P. 

Ai Jonu литер ponm т, r. aa, da Lanoe. TAUL MOCH, F. эг; FAT NAGEL, P. 29, 42, 37; DUANE OMLEMANN, P. 133 (27: XERIG POPE, F 38, 39 (1i. RAY SMITH, P. 28. 131; LEN WILLIS, P. 4s, INSERT: PLAYBOY CLUES 

INTERNATIONAL CAND BETWEEN PAGES 202-203, a 


S GEOFFREY 


editor and publisher 


A جم‎ а е 
»GBRRBERÎÊ Lm, 


NAT LEHRMAN associate publisher 


2 k £ ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
ТОМ STAEBLER art director 
DON GOLD managing edito: 
GARY COLE photography director 
BARRY GOLSON executive editor 


DITORIAL 
ARTICLES: JAMES MORGAN editor; ROB FLEDEK 
| " associate editor; FICTION: ALICE К. TURNER 


«ditor; TERESA GROSCH associate editor; WEST 
> © COAST: STEPHEN RANDALL editor; STAFF: wit 
: LIAM J, HELMER, CRETCHEN NC NEESE PATRICIA 
ч З TAPANGELIS (administration), DAVID STEVENS 
senior editors; ROBERT E CARR. WALTER LOWE. JR 
JAMES R PETERSEN senior staff writers; KEVIN 
COOK, BARBARA NELIS, KATE NOLAN, J. F 
O'CONNOR, JOHN REZER associate editors; SUSAN 
4 MARGOLISWINTER associate new york editor; 
DAVID зим assistant editor; MODERN LIV- 
] ING: Eb WALKER associate editor; JIM BARKER 
= assistant editor; FASHION: DAVID PLATT director; 
HOLLY BINDERUP assistant editor; CARTOONS: 
MICHELLE URRY editor; COPY: ARLENE BOURAS 
4 editor; JOYCE RUBIN assistant editor; NANCY BANKS, 
CAROLYN BROWNE. JACKIE JOHNSON, MARCY MARCHE 
BARI LYNN NASH, DAVID TARDY, MARY ZION 
researchers; CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: ASA 
BABER, JOHN BLUMENTHAL LAURENCE GONZALES. 
\ / LAWRENCE GROBEL, ANSON MOUNT. PETER ROSS 
KANGE, DAVID RENSIN, RICHARD RHODES, JOHN SACK 
TONY SCHWARTZ (television), DAVID STANDISH. 
BRUCE WILLIAMSON (movies) 


ART 
KERIG POPE managing director; CHET SUSKI. LEN 
WILUS senior directors; BRUGE HANEN, THEO 
KOUVATSOS, SKIP WILLIAMSON associate directors; 
JOSEPH PACZEK assistant director; BETH KASIK 
senior art assistant; ASS SEIDL art assistants SUSAN 
HOLMSTROM traffic coordinator; BARRARA HOFF 
Man administrative manager 


PHOTOGRAPHY 
MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; JEFF 
COMEN senior editor; JAMES LARSON, JANIC 
MOSES associate editors; ` PATTY BEAUDET, LINDA 
KENNEY, MICHAEL ANN SULLIVAN assistant editors; 
POMPEO POSAR staff photographer: DAVID MECEY 
KERRY MORRIS associate staff photographers; ніл 
ARSENAULT, MARIO CASILLI, DAVID CHAN, 
RICHARD FECLEY, АВХҮ FRANGI 
GIACOBETTI, R. SCOTT Н ICHARD WZUL 
= j LARRY 1. LOCAN, REN MARCUS contributing 
m photographers; Luts stewart (Rome) contrib 
Т uting editor; JAMES макр color lab supervisor; 
ROBERT CHELIUS business manager 


PRODUCTION 

JOHN MASTRO director; ALLEN VARGO manager; 

MARIA MANDIS ass MET. ELEANORE WAGNER. 
IY JURGETO. assistants 


IT'S GREAT LOOKS * оо E 
\\ MEN'S FASHION UNDERWEAR. манно um MEM 


"ES Grrreat style. Grrreat fit. 
0 Now, in an even greater assortment of colors, 

/ Cuts, fabrics. Including super-sleek striped bikinis, CERES EE) 
Super-soft hip-hugging terry briefs. 
And lots more. All with that famous 

FA Fruit of the Loom® quality. 

| „Апа that makes Great Looks 

* underwear a grrreat value. 


scription manager 


ADMINISTRATIVE 
PALETTE GAUDET rights ё? permissions manager; 
MILDRED ZIMMERMAN administrative assistant 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
CHRISTIE WERNER president; MARVIN L. HUSTON 
executive vice-president 


epa Under оа РО, Bx 790, Bowing Gren. An operating compen of Northwest біне 


THE JORDACHE LOOK... 


Ate. 


JORDACHE’ . 


‘The new Honda Prelude began as a clean 
piece of paper. 

Honda engineers sketched a superior 
aerodynamic shape. A low wedge with a wide 
stance and increased overall length. 

Once the design was conceived, they set 
about perfecting it. They made the windshield 
and door handles flush with the body. New 
retractable halogen headlights raise in such a 
way to cause less turbulence. 

Underneath is a new front suspension. It’s a 
unique double wishbone, low-profile concept 
inherited from Honda Formula racing car 
experience. Independent MacPherson struts 


3An inc 


support the rear wheels. A low center of 
contributes to handling and stability. 

Anewengine improves performance. It has 
12 main valves, 2 intake and 1 exhaust for each 
cylinders main combustion chamber. The result 
is better breathing and efficiency. And the dual 
carburetors make highway passing power more 
than passable. 

Engine displacement is upped to 1829cc. 
With the standard 5-speed shift, theres an 
increase of 33 percent in horsepower. Theres 
also a new 4-speed automatic transmission 
available. Variable-assist power steering comes 
only with the automatic. 


Particular attention was given to the new 
interior. Theres more room. Front bucket seats 
hold you firmly and comfortably for extended 
touring. Push-button controls are all within 
casy reach of the driver. Your hands easily grip 
the thicker 3-spoke steering wheel. 

Andwhen you arent carrying passengers in 
the rear seats, the rear seatback unlocks with 
a key and folds down for added luggage space. 
It also gives you access to the trunk. And trunk 
size has been increased by 20 percent. 

A power-operated Moonroof is included in 
the long list of Honda standard equipment. 
Along with our best AM/FM stereo radio with 


digital electronic tuning and an autoreverse 
cassette and four speakers. 

When you first drive thenew Prelude, you'll 
think you are in something else. You'll be right. 


The newPrelude. 
I Ab 


| Canadians 


Enjoy the smoothest Canadianever The ш 

one that lords it over all others whemit comes 
toraste. The Canadian thats proud to call 

itself Lord of the Canadians, Make the сїтїў =€ 

to Lord Calvert. Lord of the Canadians. 


THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY 


in which we offer an insider’ look at whats doing and whos doing it 


THE PLAYBOY AND THE PEP BOYS 


BEAUTY AND THE BIG GUY 


August 1981 Playmate Debbie Boostrom blows a few 
circuits as she measures up beside Richard Kiel, bet- 
ter known to Bond fans as Jaws. Debbie, who stands 
5'4", and Kiel, 7'2", were photographed at the latest 
Consumer Electronics Show at the Las Vegas Hilton. 


SOMEONE'S IN THE KITCHEN WITH KIMMEL 


Below, Bruce Kimmel, Sex News reporter for the Playboy on 
the Scene video show, cooks with March 1979 Playmate De- 
nise McConnell. In this sketch, titled "The Galloping Aphrodis- 
iac," chef Kimmel tests out a series of recipes, including 
vodka omelet and garlic pie. The results speak for themselves. 


BLACKWOOD GETS WIRED 
FOR ROCK 'N' ROLL 


When we featured her in The Girls in 
the Office in August 1978 (right), Nina 
Blackwood was a promising voice- 
over announcer who worked for a 
music publisher, Now she's an 
on-air personality for MTV, the 
Warner cable-TV operation that 
has become аз instrumental 
as radio to pop-record sales. 


inc. 1983» San Jose, California 


We know you. 


You know how to make 

each moment memorable. 

How to turn a walk in the mists 
into a private world for two. 

And after, you share the greatness 
of Almadén Cabernet Sauvignon. 
Full-bodied. Complex. 

A wine of rare character. 

Perfect for this day. 

We know the wine you like 
because we ve been making wine 
longer than any other 

California winery. 
We know you. 


We make your wine. 


Almaden. 
Since 1852, 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


ADDRESS DEAR PLAYEDY 
PLAYBOY BUILDING 
919 N. MICHIGAN AVE. 
CHICAGD, ILLINOIS 60611 


WAR IS PEACE 
My enthusiastic congratulations on 
February's On the Brink of 1984. E. I. 
Doctorow proves himself a very articulate 
essayist as well as an author of thoughtful 
and inspiring novels. While rereading 
Nineteen Eighty-Four recently, I was struck 
by the frightening parallels between the 
task of the Ministry of Truth and the lan- 
guage used by the present Administration 
to clarify/obscure its reactionary policies 
If Ronald Reagan considers votes from 
about 24 percent of the voting public to be 
a “mandate from the people,” we would do 
well to turn out in force at the polls in 1984 
to help him redefine the term. In the face 
of growing domestic poverty and world- 
wide militarism, the number of our 
alternatives grows smaller every day. Sure- 
ly, the last half century of global politics 
has taught us that totalitarianism has 
apathy as its best friend. If we have failed 
to grasp that truth, then we deserve to 
suffocate under all the bullshit a 20- 
megaton mule team can haul. 
J. L. Hinton 
Riverdale, Georgia 


In a world in which three quarters of 
the people live under the spirit-crushing 
rule of either bonehead Communists or 
bone-in-the-nose socialists, Doctorow re- 
examines Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four 
and—surprise, surprise—warns us of 
what America is coming to. Does anyone 
doubt that the good Doctorow would come 
up with the same trendy litany of El Salva- 
dor, Vietnam, Beirut, nuclear freeze, 
Israel and Reaganomics if he were asked 
to examine and comment on the water 
table of Green Bay, Wisconsin, for the past 
50 years? Аз а friend once said in another 
context, he, and you, ought to be spanked 
оп your little pink aspirations. 

Warren B. Murphy 
Teaneck, New Jersey 


The essay by Doctorow leaves me with 
the question “Ís Orwell’s novel truly help- 
ful in projecting the near-future trends of 


American society?” Certainly, Big Brother 
is remote from our current system. Since 
ietnam, the civil freedom of the indi- 
idual has increased to the point of vic- 
timizing thc noncriminal sector of the 
population. Ours is the society in which 
the outcome of a trial is based as much on 
the prosecution's ability to gather and pre- 
sent the facts in the dictated fashion as 
upon the tried individual's criminal be- 
havior. This high regard for civil freedom 
is reflected far more accurately by Orwells 
contemporary Aldous Huxley in Brave 
New World. In Huxleys prophecy, the 
government has no need to bully like Big 
Brother; it uses, instead, the highly effec- 
tive application of the latest advances in 
psychology, pharmacology and electron- 
ics. But the civil freedom and the high 
affluence available to the inhabitants of 
Huxley's world come at a price: Indi- 
viduality and humanity are lost. The 
resulting characteristics of thc Huxley 
society are sexual promiscuity, obsessive 
materialism, dependence upon mood- 
altering drugs, anti-intellectualism and the 
death of the arts. In short, Huxley predicts 
a government that will gradually rob in 
viduals of their spirituality while pacifying 
them by overstimulating their more primi- 
tive needs. Sound familiar? Big Brother 
may be round the corner of a nuclear war. 
but Brave New World is happening now. 

Jim Ludwig 

El Granada, Califon 


WHAT'S IN A NAME? 

“It doesn’t matter ifit is not true now; i 
will be with time,” the citation from Ga- 
briel Garcia Marquez’ The Autumn of the 
Patriarch given in Claudia Dreifus’ excel- 
lent February Playboy Interview with him, 
is an observation remarkably similar 
in connotation to the quotation from 
Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four in Doc- 
torow’s fine article On the Brink of 1984 
in the same issue: “Who controls the past 
controls the future; who controls the pres- 
ent controls the past.” Both observations 
are particularly relevant to numerous 


А 


World’s Slimmest 
Calculator/ Watch 
To Be Sold For 
Only 515 Apiece 


One million of world's slimmest 
Quartz calculator watches will bc 
sold as part of pu ty campaign for 
only $15 apiece to every person who. 
writes the company address below. 


Famous calculator/watch displays 
vear, month, date, day-of-weck. hour. 
minute, second. “Melody” alarm 
wakes you in morning, also chimes on 
the hour. Calculator is accurate to 8 
places, adds, subtracts, multiplies. 
divides. does percents, square roots, 
will help balance your checkbook and 
Prepare your tax return. 


Limit of two (2) watches at this price, 
but requests mailed сапу enough can 
order up to 5 watches. Full 1-усаг 
money back guarantee. Mail name 
and address with $15 for each watch. 
Add only $2 shipping and handling no 
matter how many watches requested. 
Mail to: Carter & Van Peel, Ltd., 
Calculator/ Watch, Dept. 745-4, Box 
1230, Westbury, New York 11595. 
(У21220) 


FOR зе ISSUES, s12 FOR 12 ISSUES. CANADA, 127 FOR 12 ISSUES. ELSEWHERE, зза FOR 12 ISSUES. ALLOW 4 DAYS FOR NEW SUB. 
BOULDER, COLORADO 90302, AND ALLOW 41 DAYS FOR CHANGE. MARKETING: ED CONDON, OIRECTOR/DIRECT MARKETING; MICHAEL 
TIONAL SALES MANAGER: MICHAEL DAUCKMAN, KEW YORK SALES MANAGER; MILT KAPLAN, FASHION ADVERTISING MANAGER, 747 
THIRD AVENUE. NEW TORK, NEW YORK 19017: CHICAGO 8081). RUSS WELLER. ASSOCIATE ADVERTISING MANAGER. vie NORTH 
MICHIGAN AVENUE; TROY, , BALLEW, MANAGER. 3001 W. FIG BEAVER ROAD: LOS ANGELES 10010, STANLEY 
+. PERKINS. MANAGER, 4311 WILSHIRE BOULEVARD; SAN ͤ MANAGER. 417 MONTGOMERY STREET 


y 


CHANGING 
YOUR ADDRESS? 


Please let us know! Notify us 
at least 8 weeks before you 
move to your new address, 
ѕо you won't miss any сор- 
les on your PLAYBOY sub- 
scription. Here's how. 


1 On a separate sheet, 
* attach your mailing 
label from a recent 
issue. Or print your 
name and address ex- 
actly as it appears on 
your label 


2 Print your new address 
* on the sheet as well. 


3. Mail to: 


PLAYBOY 


P.O. Box 2420 
Boulder, CO 80302 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined Ж. 
Ultra Kings, 2 то. "tar", 0.3 mg. nicotine; Lights Kings, 9 mg. 


"tar", 0.8 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method; Filter Kings, 
16 mg. "tar", 1.1 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette, FTC Report Dec. '81 


That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


CAME IN 
DROVES. 7 


You filled concert halls, packed base- 
ball stadiums, blanketed outdoor parks 
and crammed into everything from 
churches to boat rides to get in 

on the fun. 

- Twomnllion of you came to erjoy 
jazz in portions that have never 
been heaped so high: twenty Kool 
Jazz Festivals in major cities nation- 
wide, showcasing nearly 2000 
artists in 456 separate concerts. 

It marked the 
greatest effort in the 
history of entertain- 
ment to highlight this 
uniquely Àmerican 
contribution to the 
world of music. 

More than a 
mere concert. 
And when Kool Jazz 
came to town, it was 
truly a "Festival." 

As much as 12 days of outstanding 
music in some cities. . . with mayors. 
proclaiming a "Kool Jazz Week" in 
Atlanta, Pittsburgh, Minneapolis, 
Orlando, Hampton, Cincinnati, New 
York and New Orleans. 

In addition, our partners included 
civic and cultural organizations such 
as the Atlanta Symphony, the Los 
Angeles Philharmonic, the 
Pittsburgh Symphony, the 


ESTIVAL 


Dallas Grand Opera Association, 
the Seattle Symphony, the St. 
Paul Chamber Orchestra, the 
Houston Society for Perform- 
ing Arts, and many more. 
Music—custom- 
tailored. Far from 
show, each area's Kool 
Jazz Festival also featured its own 
special kind of music and spot- 
lighted local musicians. 

Talented artists—unknown 
nationally, but heralded locally— 
performed on the same stages 
as the likes of Ella Fitzgerald 
and Dizzy Gillespie. 

There was more than enough for 
Jazz “purists” as well as more casual 
fans to feast on in the mix of all-time 
greats along with greats-already. 
From Mel Torme, 

Sarah Vaughan, Lionel 
Hampton and Herbie 
Hancock to Luther 
Vandross, Al Jarreau, 
Chick Corea, and 
Weather Report. 

Every city, every fes- 
tival, every performance 
had its highlights. To 
mention just a few: 

А КЈЕ plays JFK: 
Festival premiere, Washing- 
ton, D.C. At the 1982 Kool Jazz 
Festival kick-off, for the first time 
ever, all four major theatres of the 
John F. Kennedy Center were simul- 
taneously devoted (о а single 

event. In halls that usually host 
operas and command performances 
for U.S. Presidents, 38 different 
jazz groups sang, plucked, strummed, 
drummed, blew and played non-stop 
from noon to midnight. 

It was one spectacular way 
to celebrate Benny Goodman's 
78rd birthday. And Benny 
himself played as if he were 
still twenty-five. 

Six days plus the wee 
small hours. Seven days 
plus Lake Michigan. 

As the backstage crew waited 


Patiently well past the Cinder- 
ella hour, Kool & The Gang's 
James Taylor capped a six-hour 
soul marathon in Cincinnati's River- 
front Stadium... wrapping up a six- 
day feast of jazz, fusion and soul. 

And tens of thousands of Chicagoans 
spilled into spacious Grant Park night 
after night for a week as the Chicago 
Kool Jazz Festival capped another 
summerful of fun along the Lakefront. 

Pittsburgh Pennsylvania 
Fitzgerald. The city used to belong 
to the Pirates and Steelers. Then Ella 
hit town and 100,000 festival-goers 
clogged the highways to greet her. 

As the setting sun painted the sky 
crimson over Pointe State Park, the 
First Lady of Song captivated the mul- 
titude in the usual Fitzgerald style— 
leave it to Ella to bring an audience to 
its feet witha selection like “Old Mac- 
Donald Hada Farm.” 

It was a fitting inaugural to eight 
days of jazz that kept Pittsburgh's 
theatres and concert halls packed. 

Thespectacular Los Angeles 
Sound & Sight Show. Jazz was 
only the beginning at the first Kool 
Jazz Festival to play Los Angeles. 

Five extraordinary days of concerts 
combined jazz, rhythm and blues, 
rock, new wave, fusion, multi-media 
presentations, sound effects, 
choreography and 
costuming. 

Who knows what 
their encore will be 
this year? 


f 


East Side, West Side, all 
around the town... and an 
historic reunion. 

They played New York for 11 days, 
1000 of them, from Carnegie Hall and 
the Guggenheim Museum, to the 
Roseland Ballroom and the Staten Is- 
land Ferry. . . spilling over into Brook- 
lyn, Saratoga, Purchase to the north 
and New Jersey to the south. 

And what an opening night 

Benny Goodman twirled his clarinet 
like a baton, Lionel Hampton grinned 
and Teddy Wilson quietly 
watched their antics. .. 
as these three original 
members of Mr. Good- 
man's quartet, formed in 
1936, were reunited for 
the first time in years. 

Rehearsal? “About 
20 minutes," said Mr. 
Goodman. "If you can't. 
do it right when you get 
on stage, you might as. 
well forget it." 

‘They did it right. When 
they finished, 5500 Carnegie Hall 
concertgoers stood and applauded for 
five minutes. 

Houston—scheduled two- 
hour concerts ran for three. 
The audiences simply wouldn't let the 
performers go. Spyro Gyra treated 
concertgoers to everything from a 
“musical battle” between electric 
guitar and keyboard to some unex- 
pected one-finger boogie arrange- 
ments by pianist Tom Schuman. 

George Benson and his All-Stars, 


1 


performing with 
local pianist Joe 
Sample, brought constant cheers 
which were ER only dur- 
ing solos by youthful trumpeter 
Wynton Marsalis. . . when thousands 
showed their appreciation by listen- 
ing in total silence. Jones Hall, site 
ofcoat-and-tie sympho- 
nies and ballets, may 
never be the same. 
Critic’s corner. 
A crowd's ovation 
is worth pages of 
praise. In the case of 
the Kool Jazz Festi- 
vals, critics themselves 
applauded: 
performances by Mel 
Tormé, others, 
lunchjzz ДЮ 
festiv: 
Martha Smith, Providence 
Journal (Newport 
Festival). 
* “Jazz giants de- 
liver spellbinding 
concert." Andrea 
Herman, San 
Diego Tribune (San 
Diego Festiva). | | 
* "Jazz festi- / 
val provides 
fans feast for 
the ears.” / 
—Раіпаа 
O'Haire and / 
Don Nelson, 
New York Ow 
Daily News L 
(New York 
Festival). 


* “The Kool 
festival is jazz and 
more.” Al Hunter, 

(Cincinnati Festival). 

If you were among last year's 
two million festival-goers, these 

comments and many more like them 
come as no surprise. 

The beat goes on. Mean- 
while, Kool Jazz Festivals —like the 
music itself—build on a rich heritage 
and continue to forge ahead. 

George Wein, Producer of the 
Kool Jazz Festivals since their incep- 
tion, refers to 1982 as “the year of 
the Jazz Festival.” 

And that's a mere hint of what is 
yet to come. 

See you later this year. 


Theres only one way to play it... 


1 пе Kool Jazz Festival... 

truly deserves to be ranke 

among the worlds majo 
musical events.’ 


Chicago Sun-Times - Tuesday, September 7, 19 


H 
۵ 
ү Ы: 


rcd! 


PLAYBOY 


recent governmental attempts at unsuc- 
cessful historical revisionism—‘double- 
speak"—or, more simply stated, public 
deception. 


Frank Nuessel 
New Albany, Indiana 


I wish to “thank” novelist Garcia Már- 
quez for his hallucinatory description of 
Fidel Castro. According to Garcia Mar- 
quez, the Cuban dictator not only seems to 
be capable of sustaining a nonpolitical 
friendship, he’s also humane, tolerant and 
respectful of writers. On reading Garcia 
Marquez’ Interview, one wonders whether 
Castro's Soviet-controlled regime is 
actually responsible for the killing and im- 
prisonment of thousands of dissidents— 
many of them for the very “crime” Garcia 
Marquez seems to commit quite often; 
expressing opinions freely. This is fiction 
at its worst! Is there any way to revoke a 
Nobel Prize? 


Manuel Е. Ballagas 
Cincinnati, Ohio 


Garda Marquez says things about 
America and the United States that bring 
out strong feelings in mc. You scc, I under- 
stand his passion, because I feel it, too. By 
appearance, I am obviously an American 
of Spanish descent. And I have said many 
times that I am an American. In Mexico, 1 
was talking with a child and he asked me if 
I were an americano, and, yes, I made the 
assumption that only citizens of the 
United States are americanos. But so did 
the child, and children are quite honest in 
reflecting their society’s opinions on life. 
То make my point clearer, І was upset 
with García Marquez’ statement that he 
can't help but feel resentful when North 
Americans appropriate the word America 
for themselves. My experience suggests 
that we didn't appropriate the name with- 
out the agreement of those others who re- 
fer only to U.S. citizens as americanos. (In 
fact, I wonder if even García Márquez 
would walk around in any Spanish- 
speaking country and proudly declare, 
“jYo soy americano!") Here I am, in a 
country that is my home, that is known as 
the United States. And Márquez stings my 
pride when he makes me look dumb from 
his “worldly” viewpoint in Paris—and 
he's not even French—by telling me 
Thave a country with no name. Ouch. 

James J. Maldoriado 
Sandia Park, New Mexico 


M.M. GOOD 

As I write this letter, 1982 is in its last 
days, But I have already seen my choice 
for Playmate of the Year 1984. February's 
Melinda Mays is one of the most intoxicat- 
ingly beautiful ladies you've ever brought 
to our attention. (Kudos, too, to Arny 
Freytag for his fine photography. Perhaps 
there is another shot lying around the office 
you'd like to share?) Tell Miss Mays 
that if she ever comes to Chapel Hill, the 


ice cream is on me. How can you possibly 
maintain such a standard of excellence 
through all of 1983? 

Paul Godley 

Chapel Hill, North Carolina 


I would like to commend you on Arny 
Freytags marvelous photography of 
February Playmate Melinda Mays. The 
photographs stand as published proof that 
a fine photographer and a fantastic model 
can produce wonderful pictures together. I 
am involved with fashion-and-glamor 
photography in Atlanta and have been for 
about three years. I have had the good for- 
tune to photograph Melinda on several 
occasions and have found it truly a pleas- 
ure. I have great respect for Freytag’s 
work, but I must say that I believe it 
would be difficult to take a bad photo- 
graph of such a beautiful lady. As proof of 
this, I have enclosed a somewhat patriotic 
shot of her, taken during a glamor- 
photography workshop. Melinda is always 
"warm as the Fourth of July? when she's 
in front of the camera. Congratulations! A 
wonderful pictorial. 


Richard T. Hogan 

Atlanta, Gcorgia 
Thank you, Richard. Now we know why 
Melinda had stars in her eyes when we met 
her—nol to mention why half of the men she 


meets stop to salute. As for those of you who 
suspect we've forgotten the traditional nude 
Playmate photo: Just remove the rockets’ red 
glare from your eyes and read on. 


I have been subscribing to your maga- 
zine for a year now and have never seen 
anyone as lovely as Melinda Mays. Would 
you please reveal her again, to show any- 
опе who passed up her pictorial what he 
missed? 

John Bogeman 

Shelbyville, Indiana 


I am absolutely amazed by Melinda 
Mays. I have been reading rLavnoy for ten 


years now, and Melinda is the greatest- 
looking woman you've featured in а long 
time. Granted, PLAYBOY always has the 
best-looking women gracing its pages, but 
none compares with Melinda. I would also 
like to congratulate Freytag on an excel- 
lent job of photography; you should give 
him a big bonus. Thank you for bringing 
Melinda to us. I would sell my soul to the 
Devil just for the chance to meet her. 
Sam Roberts 
Winfield, Kansas 
Would you sell your car for a picture of 


Һет? Maybe we can work something cut here. 


KIM LIKED IT 
I wish to give credit to Richard Fegley 
for his shooting of the February cover of 
PLAYBOY—and to hair stylist Rick Proven- 
zano of Beverly Hills for applying his 
talents in making our cover shot so 
memorable to me. 
Kim Basinger 
Almeria, Spain 


CONCUPISCENT FOR KIM. 

Thank you! Being a photographer of 
women for the past ten years, I have made 
it a point to see the ads in all the fashion 
magazines. About seven years ago, I re- 
ceived a composite of Kim Basinger from 
the Ford Agency. It has been love ever 
since. I am оп the lookout now for only one 
model in magazines, and that's Kim. I 
would give almost anything to have the 
opportunity to test with her. Of course, 
having a subscription to PLAYBOY and 
finding February’s Belting on Kim is 
almost as good. 

Jeff Magnet 
Framingham, Massachusetts 


I was surprised to find no mention in 
Beiting on Kim of Basinger's co-starring in 
a TV series some years ago as a young 
undercover police detective. Everyone I've 


spoken with so far believes I'm crazy or, 
worse, that I may have Kim confused with 
Angie Dickinson. Please set the record 
straight before I start believing that 
absurd possibility myself. 
Peter M. Flynn 
Plymouth, Massachusetts 


Kim Basinger did star in one short-lived 
TV series—Dog and Cat—on ABC from 
March to May of 1977, Her co-star was 
Lou Antonio. The show had a light sense 
of humor: An experienced plainclothes cop 
(Antonio) was teamed with a bright, sexy 
and competent rookie (Basinger). Other 
than that and the usual professional and 
sexual differences occurring from such a 
pairing, it was just another Southern Cali- 
fornia cop opera. The only unique thing 
was the cops’ vehicle: a beat-up Volkswagen 
Beetle with a souped-up Porsche engine. 

Richard J. Soneski 
Oil City, Pennsylvania 


CROONERS AND CALLGIRLS 
Roy Blount Jr.'s Why Wayne Neuton's Is 

Bigger Than Yours (ьлувоу, February) is 
an eye opener, to say the least. Such 
exorbitant salary amounts for such abso- 
lute dolts as Secretary of the Interior 
James Watt are unconscionable. Blount 
fails, however, to list one of the most strik- 
ing inequities of all: that of the unem- 
ployed. When one excludes the paltry 
sums from unemployment compensation 
and welfare, this category of 12,000,000 
souls reaps the astounding sum of $0 per 
hour! Perhaps our near and not-so-dear 
leader should be relegated to that amount 
on January 20, 1985. 

Ken Bracken 

Two Harbors, Minnesota 


I find Blount's Why Wayne Newton's Is 
Bigger Than Yours very interesting. 
However, I have a problem digesting 
David Harrop’s sidebar A Penny for Your 
Thoughts, which contains an erroneous 
hourly wage for a U.S. Army Pfc. Harrop 
claims that an E-3 (Private First Class) 
makes $3.81 an hour. As of October 1982, 
an E-3 earns a gross salary of $6.09 an 
hour if single and $6.50 an hour if married. 
Harrop must have left out the B.A Q. 
(basic allowance for quarters) and the 
B.A.S. (basic allowance for subsistence), 
both of which are paid out in cash for rent 
and food costs to a soldier who chooses to 
live off base. Most Pfc.'s are teenagers. I 
wonder how many civilian teenagers are 
employed at six dollars or more an hour. 

Jay P. Marlowe 
San Diego, California 


Harrop’s A Penny for Your Thoughts is 
quite intriguing. I did find some of his 
figures to be incorrect, though, especially 
the one he has listed for callgirl (independ- 
cnt: $60. I am a former callgirl; Im 
retired now and well off financially at the 
ripe age of 28 years. I'd like to say, from 
personal experience, that the average call- 
girl in New Orleans makes $100 an hour, 


Why Its Such 
A Rare Bird 


Wild Türkeys are masters 
of camouflage and evasion. 
A large flock of birds will lie 
quietly within yards of a 
man passing through the 
forest, and never be seen. 

The Wild Turkey is 
truly a native bird, unique 
to America. And it is the 
unique symbol of the 
greatest native whiskey in 
America—Wild Turkey. 


WILD TURKEY*/ 101 PROOF / 8 YEARS OLD 
Austin. Nichols 


лми Co., Lawrenceburg, Kentucky © 1981 


21 


THE JOCKEY° 
COMMITMENT: 
QUALITY AND VALUE. 


ШЕЕ BRIEFS—Lo-tise. In solid 
colors of soft, absorbent 100° 
combed cotton. T-shirts to match 


Tes ое y International, ЙЕ Kenosha, WI [59140 


minimum; the exceptional callgirl makes 
as much as $150 to $350 an hour. I was 
considered exceptional. 
(Name and address 
withheld by request) 


SEX AND THE SINGULAR SURVEY 
I thoroughly enjoyed The Playboy 
ers’ Sex Survey (PLAYBOY, January). Strange 
may seem, people like me 
interested in sex 
and in life in general. But why would you 
include other, more aggravating items in 
your otherwise entertaining magazine? Is 
it your policy to cater to only the under-30 
crowd and eliminate all those my age and 
older? If that is the case, allow me to tell 
you that there are “old folks" out there 
still living and loving and having fun. And 
you know something? We have more time 
todo it, because lots of us saved our money 
and retired and do not have to do that aw- 
ful four-letter word—work—any more! 
С. Lewis 
Santa Clara, California 


THIN ICE 
Thank you, Pete Dexter, for a thought- 
ful piece on Jim Craig (The Education of 
Jim Craig, rin, February). As onc who 
has been close to college hockey in the 
C.A.C., where Craig played while at 
Boston University, I have some sense of 
what his life was like before Lake Placid. 
Аз а newspaper reporter who writes about 
both police matters and sports for a small 
daily, I have some sense—and 1 empha- 
size the word some—of what his life has 
been like since then. I’ve seen my share of 
athletes being worshiped, and Гус seen 
my share of people unlucky enough to be 
caught up in fatal accidents and criminal 
charges. The combination is mind- 
bending even to think about, but Dexter 
does an excellent job of putting everything 
in perspective. His article makes me think 
about the people I write about both in 
court and on the playing field. 
cott A. Сопго‹ 
Auburn, New York 


NO, YOURS IS OK 

The film Bare Touch of Magic, men- 
tioned in The Year in Sex (f,, Febru- 
ary), has, in fact, пої been shown in its 
wnexpurgated version in Canada. Both 
"covered" and uncovered versions will 
appear this coming spring only on First 
Choice Canadian, Canada's national 24- 
hour pay-TV serv 
First Choice Canadian holds the exclusive 
showcase for The Playboy Channel, bring- 
ing your fine product to Canada. (And if 
that isn’t an unabashed plug, feel free to 
add your own.) 

Jeph Loeb 

First Choice Canadian Communications 

Corporation 
Toronto, Ontario 


^ 


Forcenturies, 


е has been lost overlousy aim. 


Introducing a С A 
lown and side to side, causing 
largehead racket - the ball to leave the racket at 
that's 100% graphite whatever indiscriminating angle 
for less flex and the flexing action releases it. 
Vhich is often too far left or too. 
more control. БЕН а алаа co 
Wilson Sting. But Wilson is changing that. 


In the days of the Round Table, the 
catapult was used to hurl stones across 
moatsand over castle walls. The catch was 
that the stone left the catapult at whatever 
indiscriminating angle the flexing action re- 
leased it. Those guys got alot of power, but 
many a war was lost over lousy aim. 

The moral of this history lesson is that the 
same basic “catapulting” occurs on today’s 
largehead rackets. Largehead frames flex up and 


Presenting the Wilson Sting. One 
largehead racket that flexes amaz- 
ingly less, because it's made of one 
of the firmest materials there is. 
100% graphite. 
Thanks to graphite’s firmness, 
the Sting “holds” its position 
when hitting the ball. So that 
the ball leaves the racket more 
in the direction you intend it 


Aluminum and 
fiberglass lorgeheod 
framos flex more. 


The Sting is 100% 
graphite so ils (ит 
Enough to "hold ile 
position. sending те 
Ball in a more сп 
forge! direction 
to: in court, on target, and out of 
your opponents reach. - 

The 100% graphite Sting. The big 


racket that’s big on control. 


Wilson STING” 


Also available in new midsize. 23 


Come to think Of it, i II nave a гпепекеп... 


and so will my friends? ==> 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


DRIVE, SHE SAID 


In California, everyone lives in his car. 
"That makes for traffic jams, congested in- 
tersections and testy dispositions. San 
Frandsco writer Robin Zehring has put 
together a collection of steamy short sto- 
ries designed to keep your blood pumping 
while waiting for the light to change. The 
Auto-Erotic Carbook, billed as “the ulti- 
mate sexual drive,” contains fantasies 
brief enough to read in stop-and-go traffic. 
Most involve spur-of-the-moment affairs 
consummated in public places. We're not 
sure whether or not this volume will 
improve driver safety; sweaty palms, after 
all, don’t make for a sure grip on the wheel 
We did find out, though, that Zehring has 
chosen her own car carefully. If you 
haven't already guessed, she drives a 
Rabbit. 

P 

Chicago's Saint Joseph Hospital recent- 
ly purchased a building to provide office 
space for its physicians and surgeons 
High on the face of the building 
there remains a concrete emblem from the 
former tenant that reads: AMALGAMATED: 
MEAT CUTTERS AND BUTCHER WORKNEN OF 
NORTH AMERICA. 

• 

From our animal-crackers file: When 
Daniel Yanniclli, 44, scaled a ten- foot con- 
crete wall at the Honolulu Zoo, stripped 
down to his skivvies and played his har- 
monica for an elephant, police booked him 
for cruelty to animals. 


SEE SPOT GLOW 


"There's growing concern among west 
ern Europeans that when the big bomb 
falls, it'll be in their back yards. То quell 
the anxiety of a group of English physi- 
cians, the U.S. Air Force sent its civil- 
defense experts on a lecture tour. “The 
idea was that our patients should be told 
to go to а small room and seal the cracks 
with sticky tape,” explained Dr. Neil 


doctors who 


one of the 
attended the lecture on how to survive 


Stevenson, 


nuclear devastation. “One pet would be 

tied up outside to see what happened,” Dr. 

Stevenson further paraphrased. "After it 

died and an all-clear was broadcast, the 

family would send out a second animal.” 
• 

New Jersey’s Institute of Technology's 
The Vector, in a piece about fraterni- 
ties, ran the following sentence: “The 
college will give you the social opportuni- 
ties that will help you get a job, but 
fraternities will give you the social oppor- 
tunities that will help you get head.” 

5 

Waste not, want not: According to The 
Oakland Tribune's account of the Califor- 
nia-Stanford game that Cal won оп a con- 
troversial five-lateral kickoff return during 
the last four seconds, Stanford halfback 
Vincent White and athletic director Andy 
Geiger “both said one official signaled the 
play was over by waving his hands in front 


of his waste.” No wonder the Stanford 
Tooters weren't the only ones who 
smelled something funny. 
б 
The Atlanta Constitution’s classified &®c- 
tion advertised for a “stewardess. For pri- 
vate leer jet." Presumably, one of her main 
duties will be to check that the passengers’ 
seat belts are always fastened 
б 
Last year, the Scottsdale, Arizona, city 
council passed an ordinance that made 
first-time prostitution punishable by a 
mandatory ten-day jail sentence. City 
attorney Dick Filler made the announce- 
ment. There is no truth to the rumor that 
his wife is the former Betty Dont. 
5 
Attention, Alaskans: When a moose is 
on the loose, he’s apt to show up any- 
where. In Anchorage, the big lugs are 
munching their way through shrubbery 
and scaring motorists. What to do if you 
encounter one? One suggestion is ta throw 
yourself down in a snowbank and remain 
quiet. State game biologist Dave Harkness 
says, “Тһе chances of that moose’s coming 
over and kicking you or stepping on you 
are very, very remote.” It works well when 
you want to avoid old girlfriends, too 


DEEP-DISH DISASTER 


Pizza lovers know the danger. You give 
in to temptation and find out your eyes are 
bigger than your sewage system, It hap- 
pened to Wellston, Ohio, as the town 
found itself menaced by 400,000 gallons of 
pizza sludge. 

Wellston was hungry for the jobs a new 
Jeno's factory provided. But the economic 
feast had an industrial-strength downside 
with a life of its own: a thick, slushy dis- 
charge of flour, tomato paste and cheese. 
And vegetables. And pepperoni 

It refused treatment. It just kept grow- 
ing until it threatened to overflow Well- 
ston's sewage plant. Because of its acid 


25 


PLAYBOY 


Chrysler's 1993 Debenture—This honey 
of an opportunity pays 12.3 percent 
highway and 9.8 percent city. In a dec- 
ade, each debenture can be exchanged 
for Chrysler stock, Chrysler cars or 17 


American Airlines tickets. Should the 
company burn out its fiscal clutch or 
get caught underwriting a phar- 
maceutical offering, the holder of the 
debenture will, for two weeks, receive 
the services of Lee Iacocca as house- 
boy. Says E. F. Hutton: “If you can 
find a weirder debenture, buy it.” 

Woodmere, Long Island, 11.2 Percent JAP 
Relocation Bonds—Proceeds from the 
issue will be used to bus the brightly 
colored princesses to Detroit, Pitts- 
burgh, Youngstown and any other 
American city where retailers are get- 
ting desperate. Why, asks civic-minded 
Long Island, shouldn’t the wealth, you 
know, be shared? The young credit 
experts, who will never arrive in a 
strange city without an appropriate 
garnish, are said to account for 119 per- 
cent of Woodmere’s retail economy. 
Don't worry too much about the 
number; the dear things probably did 
the arithmetic themselves. 

Israel Berlitz Bonds—Buy now to lock 
in high yields with the bonds that will 
enable Israeli soldiers to learn new 
languages so they'll be able to com- 
municate with members of all nations 
and faiths as they help spread peace 
around the globe. Investors will reap 
extraordinary dividends, because the 
bonds promise the purchaser special 
treatment when the troops arrive in his 
country. 

Hollywood, California, Municipal 
Bonds—What investor can easily ignore 
this bastion of the nation’s cul- 
tural infrastructure? Who can pass up 
delightful financial offerings such as 
Highway Authority II: The Of-Ramp, 
The Return of the Sewer-Development 
Feople and The Revenge of the Bridge- 
and-Tunnel Authority? Certainly, no 
one we know. 

San Francisco 12 Percent Castro Street 
Convertibles—Although these are not 
expected to mature, they may be a lot 
of fun for a while. Moody's has 
rated the bonds AAA-GQ, which 
is encouraging, though the service 


cautions that these hummers are very 


volatile. A short involvement with them 
is probably best: Get in, get out, then 
walk on by. 

Fast Manny's Money Mart—Manny is 
hot, a guy really on a roll, and he can’t 
wait to invest your har 
“Hurry up," he says, 
business and we ain't got all day. It's 
not like Mutual of fuckin’ Omaha." 
Relentless, Manny roams the country 
for investment opportunities, from 
Aqueduct to Hialeah to Santa Anita. 
For the sake of his supporters, he is in 
the process of rigging the New Jersey 
lottery. Standard & Poor's notes that 
the firm has paid regular dividends 
since Thursda: 

Relationship Futures—This new com- 
modity opportunity permits you to 
gamble on the duration of your friends’ 
romances or, as it were, your own. Per- 
sonally, 1 had always been irked that 
my love life was one aspect of my being 
that was strictly nonprofit. Was it real- 
ly necessary to expend so much energy 
just to establish a negative cash flow? 
‘Thank God, you can now go short on 
your beloved and, at least, recoup some 
capital when she decides you’re no less 
creepy and scrofulous than all the other 
guys who have given her а bad time. 
Here’s one investment that is clearly 


worth a tumble. 


Eastern kurepeen Dissident Bonds 
Here’s an investment that pays off sur- 
prisingly quickly, for each purchaser 
receives a genuine freedom fighter 
via Norwegian frigate. Humanitarians 
everywhere have helped finance the 
dramatic TV ad campaign, which fea- 
tures Joe Garagiola crying, “Buy а 
bond, get a Czech” and “Hey, fella, 
wouldn’t your wife like a nice, thick 
Pole for the holidays?” 

Mexico and Brazil—The really shrewd 
investors are no longer into tangibles or 
even intangibles. Right now, the sav- 
viest guys are snapping up countries 
at the lowest prices seen since the 
Depression. Many nations are so mired 
in debt that the plucky financier willing 
to lay down a few grand in cash can 
score quite a coup (no offense in- 
tended). The prestige alone would 
seem to be a healthy dividend, and 
your local bank will, overnight, become 
very willing to renegotiate your loan 
payments. — ANDREW FEINBERG 


content, it couldn’t be buried. Experts said 
it would “move.” 

In the best Fifties monster-movie tradi- 
tion, the Feds came to the rescue with a 
secret weapon: a HUD block grant for 
equipment to dry and decompose the pizza 
beast. Wellston was saved. Still, thank 
God there weren’t any anchovies. 


• 

Florida’s The Stuart News headlined a 
report of an attack this way: “BEACH 
CAMPER BEATS OFF NAKED SLASHER.” 


PINHEADS 


Jim Kenney, of Jim's Salad Company in 
Unity, Maine, needed a replacement part 
for his vegetable cutter. So he phoned the 
manufacturer, Urschel Laboratories, in 
Valparaiso, Indiana, and asked for a new 
crank pin. In the past, Urschel had sent 
Kenney small machine parts via U. P. S. 
the shipping charges were always around 
four dollars. 

"This time, however, Urschel got fancy. 
Itflew the pin to Boston on Emery World- 
Wide, then trucked it up to Unity on 
Sanborn's Motor Express. *It was unbe- 
lievable," said Kenney. “А big tractor- 
trailer pulled up to the door and the driver 
jumped out with a package that weighed 
less than seven ounces.” The bill was 
heavier: $18.10 for the crank pin and two 
screws; $8.50 C.O.D. charge: $75.27 for 
the air freight; and $20.31 for the trucking. 
Nine days and $122.18 later, Kenney could 
slice, dice, chop and grate. Great. 

е 


The Contract Bridge Bulletin contains ап 
article by Victor Mollo, the title of which 
is The Art of Going Down. Perhaps that in- 
formation will come in handy for those 
players who are on their last rubber. 


GOOD OL' BOY 


Move over, Dukes of Hazzard, a nine- 
year-old Houston boy is out to top you. 
Recently, the tiny Texan decided that he 
was “going to see his grandma.” So when 
Mom dozed, he copped the car keys, 
revved up the family station wagon 
and took off to visit Granny—at speeds of 
more than 100 mph. A citizen who noticed 
the diminutive driver called the police and 
the chase was on. Officers in patrol 
cars tailed the teeny terror while four other 
patrol cars sped in front, clearing a path. 
The chase ended after seven miles or so, 
when the kid piled into a highway sign and 
totaled the car. He walked away unhurt. 
The cops gave him a lecture and sent him 
home. He was described by the officers as 
“pretty upset.” They didn’t describe the 
parents’ condition. 


. 

Good news, campers: The Rocky Moun- 
tain Neus's classified section carried an ad 
for a “roomy six-and-a-half-foot cabover. 
Pops up, folds down, jacks off and sleeps 
six.” Sounds like more than enough enter- 
tainment around the campfire. 


Canadian Club, one of 
Canada’s great treasures, 
offers you a golden 
Opportunity to win. The 
prize, $100,000 in pure 
Canadian gold. Correctly 
answer the simple question 
posed on the official entry 
blank and send it in. If 
your entry is selected, 
you win. The 100 people 
who come in second will get 
a glittering prize of their 
own, a one-ounce Сапааї 
Gold Maple Leaf Coin. 

86.8 Proof. Blended Canadian Whisky. 


Imported in Bottle by Hiram Walker 
Importers Inc., Detroit, Mich. ©1983 


rp------------- 


Canadian Club Solid Gold Sweepstakes 


‘OFFICIAL RULES 1. On entr; form, or 33° x 5' piece of paper, print your name, 
CTT 
ihe label of ary bottle of Canadian Club you do not own a batle, visit your 
favorite restaurant or tavern. or go to any liquor store ага you wil fl the 
отпа ub Labels may also be obtained by 


"Drawing to be conducted on or about 
July 31, 1953 by Young America Corporation, an independent jug 
Whose decisions are ina. АЙ 1O1 prizes, with an approximate v 

‘on the market price ol goid азо ihe dale 


‘opens 
‘ol purchase. One prize per individual er group 4. ries are not transferable. The 
(Grand Prise чти sli receive 8100000 n Co 


1 

П 

П 

| 

1 

I 

1 

1 

1 

I 

П 

[| "ellbe ene mal аач тедигей su 
І 
1 
1 
П 
1 
I 
1 
I 
1 


iibi and release. Winners to consentto use oftheir name and 


prizewinners can be obtained alier September 15, 982, y sending a sell. 
addressed stamped пун; ал Cub Solid Gold Swrepatakes Winners, 
РО Box 4019, Yung America, МУ 


OFFICIAL ENTRY 


To enter, answer the question below. (The correct answer 
appears on the label of any bottle of Canadian Club.) 

125 years ago, Hiram Walker created 
Canadian Club. In what Canadian village is 
this fine whisky distilled and bottled? 


Answer: 

Grand Prize-$100,000 in Canadian Gold or Cash. 
100 2nd Prizes:1 Gold Maple Leaf Coin (i troy oz.) 
Mail entries to: 

Canadian Club Solid Gold Sweepstakes 

РО. Вох 1422, Young America, MN 55394 


r و ا ت‎ 
(Please Print) 


Address шы шыш с т 
City 2e stale аы жыш. 


САМСА 


“The BestInThe House? 


28 


When Darryl Dawkins joined the Phil- 
adelphia 76ers straight out of high school 
eight years ago, he definitely wasn’t your 
average N. B. A. player. Besides wearing a 
diamond earring and shattering glass back- 
boards, the 6'11", 251-pound center gave 
himself nicknames and said that he came 
fiom the planet Lovetron. Craig Modderno 
caught up with the self-proclaimed Chocolate 
Thunder of the New Jersey Nets over dinner 
in Phoenix. His report: “If E.T. had met 
Dawkins first, he certainly would have had 
more fun and Double D would probably have 
gone home with him." 


PLAYBOY: You claim that you were born on 
the 53rd of NEVember and grew up on the 
planet Lovetron. Did you have an unusual 
childhood? 

bawkiNs: It was а very happy childhood. 
You sce, this is not my planet. Um just 
visiting. I'm here on a mission: N.B.A. 
basketball. About 200 light-years ago, 
there was a baby born on Lovetron, and 
that child fell all the way to earth. That 
baby then got up. And I am that baby. I 
tell people І am a Lovuloid and the women 
on my planet are Sexual Inhabitants. 
Guys will then say, *What the hell? This 
brother's deep.” I have a different wave 
length from most people's. 

viaysoy; Do people сусг have a difficult 
time believing you? 

pawaixs: Sometimes, they really think I’m 
crazy, Once, I was outside The Spectrum 
in Philadelphia with a guy. He told me it 
was a big building. I told him I could 
jump off the building headfirst and live. I 
told him it was all in the head. You just 
turn your head into a block of cement. He 
almost scratched а hole in his head trying 
to figure out how I'd do it. People in Los 
Angeles have a wild imagination, like me; 
but on the East Coast, they think you're оп 
drugs if you act crazy. I have no need for 
drugs. I’m bona fide, zonified; make no 
mistake, I’m an overqualified beer drinker. 
After a play-off game against 
Portland a few years ago from which you 
were ejected, you went into the locker 
room and ripped a toilet off its moorings. 
Do you still get so upset? 

DAWKINS: Гуе been so mad at times that I 
probably could have exploded. That's 
when people find out how cool you really 
are. Anybody can get mad, run into a 
room and tear up everything. I have de- 
stroyed a room once or twice. Now Pm 
happier with myself. I can find peace with- 
n me. When we lose now, I just think 
about how we can win the next time we 
face that team. There comes a time when 
you want to grab a few people, toss them 
in the air and crack a few heads. But who 
needs a lawsuit? 

ълувоу: Do you ever have sex before а 
games 

Dawkins: [Shakes head firmly] No way. I 
can't afford to have my strength sapped. 1 


"You see, this is 
not my planet. 
I'm just visiting.” 


won't even have sex after a game if I have 
а game the next day. My steady lady gets 
real upset with me sometimes for that. But 
I have to be firm. I tell her, “Woman, I 
just spent an evening knocking heads with 
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and tomorrow 
night Im going against Bob Lanier. The 
only three-letter word I’m interested in 
tonight is bed!” 

PLAYBOY: Have you ever had a woman 
wear you out sexually? 

DAWKINS: [Brief silence] Let's say Гуе hada 
battle or two in my life span. To be worn 
out so you couldn't walk, drained—that's 
unheard of with me. I would never lct a 
woman take all my energy. I please my 
woman. They say a lot of black men don’t 
like to eat pussy, but you’re not looking at 
one. Things do go better with pussy. Yum, 
yum. Give me some 

PLAYBOY: Are you a romantic? 

DAWKINS: I will do anything І can to satisfy 
my woman. I can be as romantic as 
Charles Boyer. I'd even learn how to speak 
French if a woman I loved wanted me to 
be as cool as Charles Boyer. Women can 
be really strange sometimes. The first year 
I was in the league, a woman sent me a 
pair of her underpants. I was only 18 years 
old. І didn’t understand what was going 
оп, As ime went on, I started to be more 
aware of women and their needs. 

PLAYBOY: The overwhelming majority of 
players in the N.B.A. are black. Why are 
blacks generally considered to be better 
basketball players than whites? 

DAWKINS: I’m not sure if that’s true. People 


say blacks are better basketball players 
than whites because they've had a child- 
hood of struggling. But I know a lot of 
whites grew up that way, too. White guys 
are better foul shooters than blacks. They 
concentrate more on the line. 

PLAYBOY: Are there any products that 
you'd like to endorse? 

DAWKINS: I'd like to do beer commercials, 
but the N.B.A. won't let you do them 
while you're an active player. My favorite 
product to endorse would be Old Spice. 
The guy who does its commercials is so 
cool. He goes through three women who 
are eights and kisses a lady who's a ten. 
Thats my kind of guy. I like to endorse 
clothing, cologne and food. If I had en- 
dorsed the DeLorean car, I doubt that the 
head dude and his company would have 
gone under. 

PLAYBOY: Who are your heroes? 

pAwkms: Dracula. He could appear 
whenever he wanted to, and he always had 
а beautiful lady with him. I've never seen 
Dracula with an ugly lady. If he is, he’s 
just holding her for the police. I'm that 
way, too. Dracula could bite women on the 
neck and get away with it. 

Pravsov: Could an N.B.A. player be а 
homosexual and be accepted by his team? 
DAWKINS: I don't know about that. I feel 
like anybody is entitled to be anything he 
wants to be. I ain't no homosexual. I'm a 
138 percent real man. I don't see how a 
homosexual can be in the N.B.A.—not 
with all the contact and the rough-and- 
tough stuff we do. If I know a teammate is 
a homosexual, I ain’t gonna bother with 
him. That's his business. Just don't try to 
drag me along with you. Don't make no 
moves to try to get me to do anything 
to you. I’m not going to ask anyone if he's 
a homo and to tell me what it's like. If T 
knewa guy was a homosexual, I'd ask him 
Not to pat me on the ass after I made a 
good shot. He might be putting too much 
fecling into the gesture. 

PLAYBOY: What kind of woman turns you 
off? 

DAWKINS: А bigmouth woman who's al- 
ways yelling. A woman who wants to party 
all the time. I can’t even hold her shoes. 
When you're playing a game, you want 
your lady to be cheering for you. But if 
there arc 18,000 people there and you can 
hear your lady yelling over them, that’s a 
bigmouth woman. 

PLAYBOY: What do you want to be when 
you grow up? 

DAwKiNs: When I was in third grade, I 
wanted to be a streetcar conductor. Га like 
to be a wrestler. Go into the ring and 
destroy a few guys. Call myself Doctor 
Demolition. I'd like to be an actor. I'd get 
all the parts that call for a great ladies’ 
man. You get a lot of kisses that way, I'd 
be a cross between Clark Gable and Billy 
Dee Williams. You're looking at the 
world’s first and only Dark Gable. 


IANO LOUNGER: “Do I mind being 

compared with Doc Severinsen? Well, 
I guess I'm asking for it," says Paul Sheffer, 
bandleader for Late Night with David Let- 
terman. 

Often, at the end of his monolog, Letter- 
man turns to the band: “At this point, let's 
say hello to Paul Shaffer. Hi, Paul. How 
are you?" Cut to the band, where the 30- 
ish, bespectacled master of Late Night 
keyboards stands with a silly smile on his 
face. 

“Well, I got a little Vegas throat, Da 
You know how it is out in the desert, bei 
a per-for-mah and everything.” Paul loves 
to speak the language of per-for-mahs 
We're talking your Bob Goulets, your 
Sammy Davis Jrs., your Wayne Newtons 

Here’s how he describes his band mem- 
bers: Steve Jordan on drums is “a mah- 
velous musician and а true genius." 
Hiram Bullock is “а wonderful guitar 
player—any style—he can play Hunan,” 
and Will Lee is “really the number-one 
bass player in the world.” Standard show- 
biz hyperbole? 

Perhaps not—the music és hot. It’s not 
quite clear why the band was named The 
World’s Most Dangerous Band, though 
there are implicit risks in the broad range 
of pop material it covers when Late Night 
heads for a commercial. Shaffer selects the 
diverse play list himself. 

“Once, we were welcoming а new afili- 
ate in Philadelphia,” muses Paul, “зо we 
played Elton John’s Philadelphia Freedom 
and South Street, by the Orlons. I’m lucky 
to have a band that, like me, can play 
those songs by ear. Sometimes, | write out 
a little something; but usually, we just 
play.” 

Are there any plans for the band? The 
usual albums and tours? “No,” says Shaf- 
fer, “you've got to turn on the television 
to hear this music. It’s designed so you 


don’t have to hear the whole song. We 
don’t have a vocalist, so if you catch only 
the beginning or the end of some great 
tune, that's OK. It won't let you down.” 
Shaffer, who grew up in Thunder Bay, 
Ontario, emerged in New York in the mid- 
Seventies as a major presence in the Salur- 
day Night Live band, composing most of 
the show's special musical material. In 
1977, he left to co-star in the Norman Lear 
sitcom A Year at the Top, a Seventies ver- 
sion of The Monkees that failed to survive a 
year, let alone make it to the top. Shaffer 
returned to SNL, where he became visible 
аз a supporting actor. Remember his near- 
perfect impression of rock impresario Don 
Kirshner? Next, he went on to become 
musical ector for the Blues Brothers’ 
Band and appeared in Gilda Radner Live 
from New York. Now, of course, he has 
soared to new heights with Letterman. 
But has stardom changed the real Faul 
Shaffer? Let's just say he has a strong sense 
of tradition, not unlike that of some of the 
other enduring. show-business legends. 


TRUST Us 


Hairdressers Gary Shaw and Paul 

received an album credit for their work 

y on The Nolans’ hair. We thank them. 

We'd also like to thank Phil Collins for 

j the very nice music on his album. We're 
J not sure who did his hair. 


HOT 
Б Collins / Hello, 1 Must Be Going! 
. John McLaughlin / Music Spoken Here 
. Smokey Wood / The Houston Hipster 
(Western swing, 1937) 
Garland Jeffreys / Guts for Love 
. Gandhi sound track 


LE 


Every spring, he hosts the Paul Shaffer 
Celebrity Seder, an event that dates from 
his SNL years. After dessert, he solemnly 
reminds his guests that the Seder always 
ends with the toast “Next year . . in Jeru- 
salem,” whereupon he lifts his glass and 
intones, "Next year . . at Hef's Man- 
sion." — TOM DAVIS 


REVIEWS 


The most energized recorded perform- 
ance we've run across lately is The Nite- 
caps’ Go to the Line (Sire). Backed by The 
Uptown Horns (fresh from their stint on 
the last J. Geils Band album), The Nite- 
caps work that striation of rock reserved 
for dancing. But rather than sift through 
the sediment of disco, these guys step onto 
the terra firma of salsa and R&B. You 
know: The Famous Flames meet Tito 
Puente. And, more than that, they've in- 
vested the old forms with some peppy, 
punky rhythms, but nothing too clean. 
5 

Rardy Newman uses the most ordinary 
words on Trouble in Paradise (Warner). He 
writes that a girl is nice to him and that 
going for a walk in Miami is very special. 
His lyrics ofien sound like something one 
of those dumb little yellow happy faces 
would say, but don’t kid yourself; New- 
man’s are the words of the inarticulate 
expressed with a silver tongue. His mini- 
malist language reaches its fullest expres- 
sion here on My Life Is Good, a song about 
a rich, trendy . . well. . . jerk, who winds 
up doing a Bruce Springsteen impression. 
There are plenty of other surprises here, 
too, including guest appearances by Linda 
Ronstadt, Paul Simon, Lindsey Bucking- 
ham, Bob Seger and Don Henley, to name 
а few. A very special album. 

б 

Іс hard to know what you're going to 
get when you pick up a new Todd Rund- 
gren release. The puckish, prolific Utopian 
has given us mysticism, didacticism and 


NOT 
1. The Nolans / Portrait 
2. Kleer | Get Ready 
3. Starfighters! In-Flight Movie 
4. Black Sabbath / Live Evil 
(two-record set) 
5. Louise Mandrell / Close Up 


29 


Introducing the V45 Interceptor“ a 
motorcycle thatmakes the word Superbike 
sound like an understatement. 

It starts with a state-of-the-art 90° 
У-4 engine producing an incredible 86 
horsepower* 

Made possible by double overhead 
cams, four valves per cylinder and a 10.5:1 
compression ratio. A unique dual radiator 
cooling system keeps temperatures down 
and power up while improving both 
aerodynamics and mass centralization. 

Andif this engine sounds revolutionary, 
thats ause it is. Its not only the most 
powerful 750 we've ever built, its also the 
lightest, narrowest and smoothest. 

This masterpiece is tucked into a light- 
weight rectangular section frame much 
like those used on our Formula One race 
Exclusive Pro-Link" rear suspension is 
both air and damping adjustable, and is 
mounted to an aluminum alloy swingarm. 
The front forks are also air and damping 
adjustable and include an integral fork brace. 

Brakes are triple disc with powerful 
twin piston calipers. TRAC; our exclusive 
‘Torque Reactive Anti-dive Control system, 
helps reduce forward weight transfer dur 
ing braking. And our Grand Prix inspired 
16-inch front wheel brings race track 
precision to the street. 

Put it all together and you've got the 
finest high performance street machine 
to ever leave the Honda test track 

But were going to go one step further. 

Were going to make the Interceptor the 
basis for our 1983 Superbike racing effort. 

So while youre bringing the world 
to your knees, Team Honda will be doing 
something very similar. 

Bringing the competition to theirs 


HONDA 


FOLLOW THE LEADER 


ler Or write: American 
ЈА $1409, “SAE net taken at the 


Motor Co., Ine. For a free brachur: 
Honda, Dept. 410, Box 8000, Van Nuys, 
crankshaft. 


PLAYBOY 


92 


futuro-rock; his ninth solo album, The Ever 
Populor Tortured Artist Effect (Bearsville), 
hits a hipper, happier stride than anything 
we've heard so far. Four stars for the four 
smooth, richly chorused tunes on the A 
side, especially the Stevie Wonderesque 
There Goes Your Baybay. Whatever torture 
begot this project, the result is trium- 
phant. Hey, hey, Todd. We're taking this 
‘one to the beach. 
. 

Chris Hillman’s flat picking was all over 
The Byrds, The Flying Burrito Brothers 
and The Souther-Hillman-Furay Band 
His reverence for the elegance of tradition- 
al fretted music came through despite the 
power amps. On Morning Sky (Sugar Hill), 
he has assembled a first-class band (in- 
cluding Herb Pedersen, Bernie Leadon 
and Al Perkins) and redoes Bob Dylan 
(Tomorrow Is a Long Time), The Grateful 
Dead (Ripple), J. D. Souther (Mexico) and 
Gram Parsons (Hickory Wind). You'll be 
glad he does. 

° 

Those who like their music as crisp as a 
fresh, cold apple should sink their teeth 
into Bluegrass: The Greatest Show on Earth 
(Sugar Hill). This live two-record set 
gathers some of the best pickers and sing- 
ers around: The Seldom Scene, The Orig- 
inal Seldom Scene (John Starling’s voice is 
the difference), The 0 Gentlemen 
(in both present and о! incarnations) 
and The Almost Original New South 
(with Ricky Skages and J. D. Crowe). This 
music can either start your heart or break 
it. But thats OK, because it immediately 
proceeds to the feet: our toes didn’t stop 
tapping. 


SHORT CUTS 


Count Floyd (RCA): Joe Flaherty’s SCTV 
ghoul makes his album debut with predict- 
ably bloodcurdling results. 

Ric ОсозеК / Beatitude (Geffen): The Cars’ 
star driver goes solo. 

Neil Young / Trons (Geffen): Star Wars 
comes to Highway 101 and Neil provides 
the ambient sound; a funny record. 

ABBA / The Singles (Atlantic): If the Jet- 
sons had a rock band, these would be their 
greatest hits. 

Jerry lee Lewis / My Fingers Do the Tolkin’ 
(MCA): And they're eloquent in this first 
studio outing since Lewis’ hospital stay. 

Cruisin’ Ann Arbor (Ann Music 
Project): From the town that brought you 
Bob Seger and Iggy Pop, here's a collec- 
tion of A.A.'s current crop of heavy music. 

Gory Stewart & Dean Dillon / Those Were 
the Days (RCA): These hard-country red- 
necks have legs. This six-cut/six-buck bar- 
gain is almost better than last year’s LP. 

Original Cast / Nine—the Musical (CBS 
Masterworks): Although this Tony winner 
is based on a work by Italian film maker 
Federico Fellini, its music docsn’t transmit 
Roman fever. But it’s a good cast and pro- 
duction. 


Arbor 


FAST TRACKS 


THE NEW BRITISH INVASION: We hear that David Bowie has been offered the role of Abraham 
Lincoln in a new 12-hour, $3,000,000 opera to be staged in L.A. (where else? we ask you) 
during the 1984 Olympics. Robert Wilson, creator of the unusual and well-received 
Einstein on the Beach, has written a new opera called The Civil Wars: A Tree Is Best 
Measured when It Is Down. Artists from six countries have been asked to participate, 
including David Byrne of The Talking Heads, who will write a film score to accompany 
a two-hour movie within the opera. Who says that Nicholas Nickleby was too long? 


ELING AND ROCKING: Tony Banks of 
RS did the score for the Faye 
Dunaway movie The Wicked Lady. - . - 
Keith Emerson is in "Tokyo working on 
the sound track for an animated 
film. . . . Sting's acting career continues 
with a role in the forthcoming sciencc- 
fiction movie Dune. . . . Kenny Loggins is 
one of four composers working on the 
music for the new Michael Cimino film, 
Footloose. . . Former Doors drummer 
John Densmore has a role in the Malcolm 
McDowell movic Get Crazy. . . . Little 
Malcolm, a movie made more than ten 
years ago by George Harrison and John 
Hurt, is about to be considered for 
general release. It was made before 
Hurt's successes with Midnight Express 
and The Elephant Man and Harrison's 
foray into movie production with the 
likes of Monty Python's Life of Brian. 

NEWSBREAKS: When the Deed cele- 
brated last New Year’s in Oakland. 
onc of the hor attractions was a group 
called the Dinosours. We predict you'll 
be hearing this bunch on records soon; 
it’s a natural. Look at this line-up: on 
guitar, Barry "The Fish" Melton and John 
"Quicksilver" Cipollina; Spencer “Airplane” 
Dryden on drums; Nicky "Mr. Piano” Hop- 
kins, Peter "Big Brother" Albin and Dead 
lyricist and guitarist Robert Hunter on 
vocals. . . . Roger Daltrey is going to star 
ina BBC version of The Beggar's Opera, 
as Macheath. No doubt it will сусп- 
tually play on our side of the water 
Frank Харро, still fresh alter a series of 
classical conducting chores in both Eng- 
land and the U.S., will be recording 
some of those performances for release 
on his own Barking Pumpkin label. . . 
Smokey Robinson has signed to host a 
syndicated TV music show called Step- 
pin’ Out nest fall. . . . There are tent 
tive plans for an Everly Brothers reunion 
concert in London. We should get that 
goody here, too, if it all works out. . . . 
The Isle of Wight Pop Festival may be 


revived this summer. The promoter has 
approached both The Whe and David 
Bowie about appearing. At the last fes- 
ival, a big one, Jimi Hendrix performed 
just a month before he died. . . . Three 
Dog Night plans to regroup, touring 
small halls so as to see the audience, 
and to make an album. . Aerosmith 
taped a live concert in 3-D and plans to 
release it as a video cassette, a video 
disc and a promo clip. Special glasses 
will come with it, of course. . . . Daryl 
Dragon (a.k.a. The Captain) is producing 
an album with Mike Love of the Beach 
Boys. It’s party music, clumps of old 
hits, and is going to be sold directly 
through the Tandy Corporation's 
Radio Shack stores—a new mark 
idea that cuts out the middleman. 
RANDOM RUMORS: There is no life in the 
fast lane for the Human League's Phil 
Ockey, who says, “Sex bores me. 
[It] was built up afew decades ago and 
it is just about to fall to bits." Phil likes 
work: “I’m not interested in fun at all.” 
We'll remember all that the next time 
we're asked to fork up cash to watch 
him work. . . . Joe Jackson says hc 
doesn’t think of New York as a rock- n 
roll town. A jazz, Latin and funk town, 
yes, but not rock. . . . Lamont Dozier, who 
with two writing buddies (the Hollands) 
wrote many of the Motown hits of the 
Sixties, is grateful for all the recent 
“covers” of those old songs. He says 
that they keep his music alive and рау 
the bills while he works on a solo 
album. We hear that Dozier has more 
than 2000 songs to his credit. That kind 
of makes МеСаг\пеу look like a beginner, 
doesn’t it? . . . And, finally, we want to 
play our version of the name game. Just 
who is it who thinks up the names for 
groups? How about these: Peter and the 
Test Tube Babies, The Hypothetical Prophets 
and the ever-popular Heja Queen Sava 
Abeni ond Her Wako Modernisers? 
— BARBARA NELLIS 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
О That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


f 


2 KING:15 mg. wf LT mg. nicotine, 100's 18 mg," 
„ nicotine, av. per cigarette by FTC metho 
rene by FIC 


MOVIES 


By BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


AS AN LA. Cor in a chopper on night 
patrol over the city, Roy Scheider is la- 
conic and splendid, but the real star of Blue 
Thunder (Columbia) is a state-of-the-art 
experimental helicopter from which the 
movie takes its title, This secret weapon 
exists, we are warned, utilizing hardware 
“real and in use in the U.S. today.” Hang- 
ing in the air on “whisper mode,” virtually 
silent, it has listening devices that hear 
through walls, guns that fire 4000 rounds a 
minute, visual scanners that can “peer 
down dresses at 1000 feet.” Some fun, and 
Blue Thunder is one hell of a movie, sky- 
high and handsome, crisply witty as well 
as exciting. On his hottest streak since 
Saturday Night Fever, dircctor John 
Badham has a sure-fire cast—Scheider 
backed by the late Warren Oates, marvel- 
ous in one of his last roles, as a caustic 
police captain, with Daniel Stern as 
Scheider's wry side-kick, Candy Clark as 
his loyal lady, Malcolm McDowell as the 
worst of the bad guys. 

Scheider is marked for murder when he 
stumbles onto a dastardly plot to stir up 
trouble in the barrio just so Blue Thunder 
can test its firepower against a trouble- 
some minority group. That's not quite be- 
lievable, but Thunder moves at such a fast 
clip that plausibility becomes secondary to 
the excitement afoot—rather, aloft. An 
aerial battle above Los Angeles pits 
Scheider against airbome SWAT teams, 
plus a pair of F-16 fighter planes carrying 
Sidewinder missiles—and if this climactic 
sequence doesn’t knock you for a loop, 
nothing will. Blue Thunder has top spin 
to spare, but leave your thinking cap 
at home. ¥¥¥ 


. 

Tom Selleck makes his big bid for movie 
stardom in High Road to China (Warner), a 
triumph of rugged sex appeal and screen 
presence over an ambitious but uninspired 
screenplay. Once upon a time, Clark 
Gable might have played Selleck's role аз 
a helliorleather pilot in the Roaring 
Twenties, hired by a spoiled heiress (Bess 
Armstrong) to fly his two-seater across the 
Himalayas into China to find her long-lost 
dad. There’s a huge inheritance at stake 
and the heiress tags along, of course, to 
face the dangers posed by hostile tribes- 
men, Communists, bad breaks and fuel 
shortages. Although she’s altogether com- 
petent, Armstrong doesn’t quite project 
the proper screwball charm written into 
her part, which would have been a natural 
for Jean Harlow or Carole Lombard in her 
heyday. Jack Weston provides bumptious 
comic relief in the true-to-tradition side- 
kick role. High Road, filmed on location in 
Yugoslavia, reportedly cost much more 
than $20,000,000, and you can feel the 
money being spent on breath-taking aerial 


Blue Thunder: cops-and-choppers story. 


Pilots, ‘copter and bush, 
are big in this 
month's movie fare. 


Selleck, Armstrong take the High Road. 


stunts and on battle scenes on terra firma, 
None of it makes a hell of a lot of sense, but 
this sort of cinematic exercise has nothing 
to do with logic. Director Brian G. Hutton 
does just a passable job of selling Selleck, 
and that’s enough for Tom—who seems 
more than able to sell himself. ЖУМ 
. 

It's Tuscany, 1944. Having heard that 
the Yanks are coming, a band of Italian 
men, women and children, rightly dis- 
trusting a German offer of sanctuary in the 
local church, set off to meet their liber- 
ators. What happens then? Well, three lit- 
tle girls bump into a couple of stray Gls, 
who blow up a condom for them as a toy 
balloon. And an oldish couple, who have 
shied away from each other for decades, 
are thrown together for a rueful, tender. 
night of love. And there is a wrenching 
scene in a sunlit field where former friends 


and neighbors—the Fascist Black Shirts 
ws. furious peasants—clash in one last 
slaughter on the eve of peace. The Night of 
the Shooting Stors (UA Classics) views all 
this through the softening filter of rem- 
iniscence—the war ycars remembered 
by a woman narrator who was only six 
years old at the time. Everything about it 
seems intentionally dated but deeply 
huma and touching, well up to stand- 
ard for Italy’s Paolo and Vittorio Taviani, 
the writing-directing team of brothers 
(Padre Padrone, et al.) who use a movie 
camera as if they were Renaissance paint- 
ers. Although at times you may wish 
they’d hurry some, your patience will be 
rewarded. ¥¥¥% 


. 

In Lovesick (Warner/Ladd), Alec Guin- 
ness plays Freud, who has never heard ofa 
Freudian slip and keeps materializing to 
reproach Dudley Moore. Dudley’s a Man- 
hattan psychiatrist having a romantic fling 
with one of his patients, winsomely played 
by fresh-faced Elizabeth McGovern (of 
Ordinary People and Ragtime). Writer- 
director Marshall Brickman, formerly 
Woody Allen's collaborator, polishes up а 
bundle of psychiatry jokes and works them 
into the fabric of a smooth, understated 
romantic comedy that is consistently droll 
and tasteful yet seldom more than mildly 
funny. Besides lec, the notables con- 
tributing telling bits include Alan King, 
John Huston, Gene Saks and Renee 
Taylor. Lovesick plays like a short-short 
tale stretched too far with plenty of lyrical 
montages with music to prettify the slow 
spots. Arthur it ain’t. On the other hand, 
Moore fans should be grateful to find their 
man much nearer the mark than he was in 
the turgid Six Weeks. ¥¥¥% 

. 

А young wife and mother of two, Lianne 
(UA Classics) leaves home to explore her 
lesbian tendencies after falling helplessly 
in love with an attractive female psych 
teacher at night school. How she handles 


the subsequent emotional upheavals 
affecting her husband, children, lovers and 
friends is the substance of this touching 
problem drama by writer-director-editor 
John Sayles, whose Return of the Secaucus 
Seven ranked among the more astute 
sleepers of 1980. With an unaffected, rel- 
atively unknown but appealing actress 
named Linda Griffiths in the title role, and 
Jane Hallaren altogether believable as the 
‘woman she wants, Lianna has the impact 
of a brave minor movie that breaks new 
ground. In fact, the subject matter isn't 
revolutionary at all, yet Sayles’s sympa- 
thetic treatment of it seems refreshing, 
candid and contemporary, partly because 
his screenplay presents challenging second 
thoughts on touchy topics to both men and 
women, liberated or not. Oh, the deck may 
be stacked a smidgen against Lianna's 
husband (Jon DeVries), a philandering 
college prof who fools around with coeds in 
his film classes. There's particular humor 
and compassion, though, in Lianna’s en- 
counters with a predatory male acquaint- 
ance (played by Sayles himself), with a 
former confidante (Jo Henderson) who 
can’t handle her best friend’s unexpected 
sexual switch and with a lesbian pickup. 
“Lianna Massey eats pussy,” the heroine 
flings at her mirror image one morning 
after a moment of truth. Some moviegoers 
may find Lianna hard to take, or a bit 
“special,” at any rate. But overall, the 
film's unassuming skill and sensitivity are 
beyond question another step up the lad- 
der for Sayles. ¥¥¥ 


. 

There’s no shying away from vintage 
melodrama in The Man from Snowy River 
(Fox), an Australian epic alleged to be the 
biggest box-office hit ever to play down 
under. Kirk Douglas is the guest star, 
broadly portraying a couple of brothers 
who loved the same woman and got into a 
shootin? match over her lo, these many 
years ago. That’s subplot, The plot proper 
has to do with a virile young mountain 
man (Tom Burlinson, yet another Aussie 
candidate for success in other hemi- 
spheres) who’s great at handling horses 
and capturing а ranchers daughter 
(Sigrid Thornton). Man from Snowy River 
could hardly be cornier or more enjoyable 
on its own simple-minded terms as an old- 
style Western. Filming actually took place 
in the southeastern state of Victoria, where 
men are men and the scenery is breath- 
taking. Director George Miller, though 
good enough for the job at hand, is not the 
same George Miller who directed Aus- 
tralia’s awesome The Road Warrior. Up 
here, I doubt that union rules—or cus- 
tom—would allow two top directors to 
work professionally under the same moni- 
ker. Imagine having, say, two Steven 
Spielbergs. We could live with that. ¥¥% 

. 


Small in scope but burgeoning with 
sly spirits and quirky human comedy, 
Local Hero (Warner) ought to further 
enhance the reputation of Scottish writer- 


Snowy River, where men are men and the scenery's breath-taking. 


Kirk Douglas goes 
down under; Burt 
Lancaster visits Scotland. 


Burt's back onthe beach, in Scotland. 


director Bill Forsyth, whose offbeat Greg- 
огуз Girl was one of the sleeper hits of 
1982. Forsyth has described Hero, with 
appropriate tongue-in-check inaccuracy, 
as “a combination of Apocalypse Now and 
Brigadoon.” He's got Burt Lancaster for a 
starring role as a Houston oil tycoon who 
is undergoing abuse therapy (his therapist 
keeps reminding him he's a shit) while 
pulling the plot strings from his pri- 
vate planctarium back in Texas. Most of 
the fun takes place in a Scottish seaside vil- 
lage that the tycoon wants to acquire lock, 
stock and barrel (along with countless 
acres of surrounding countryside) and de- 
stroy to make way for a gigantic oil refinery. 
One of the oilman's minions, a guy named 
Maclntire (Peter Riegert, an alumnus of 
Animal House) from mergers and acquisi: 
tions, is sent to negotiate the take-over 
because he's wrongly presumed to be of 
Scottish origin. The natives, howcvcr, turn 
out te be a far cannier lot than anyone 
anticipated, with an eye for big bucks as 
well as a yen for worldly pleasure. Riegert 


plays MacIntire with bright, brash Yan- 
kee innocence while discovering that the 
simple Scots he came to know plenty 
about everything, including nonstop sex. 
To explain much more might spoil it, but 
Local Hero lifted my heart to the highlands 
in its own modest way, as did J Know 
Where I'm Going, Tight Little Island and 
other vintage comedies. v 


б 
An all-star company was assembled by 
Italian writer-director Ettore Scola for 
La Nuit de Varennes (Triumph), a sump- 
tuous, colorful, terribly talky French 
movie celebrating the Revolution. Like a 
Gallic tribute to John Ford’s Stagecoach, 
it's a road film structured around carriage 
stops en route to the village of Varennes, 
where Louis XVI and the royal family, all 
in disguise, sought refuge from the rabid 
revolutionary tribunals in Paris. La Nuit 
takes nary a peck into poor King Louis“ 
conveyance. The film's action, of which 
there is precious little, springs from 
another crowded coach or two carrying 
Casanova (Marcello Mastroianni), Thom- 
as Paine (Harvey Keitel, of all people), 
the French writer Restif (Jean-Louis Bar- 
rault, a star as exalted in France as Olivier 
is in England) and a beautiful countess 
(Germany's Hanna Schygulla). These 
passengers, among others, scem bound for 
Varennes for no better reason than to 
trade pithy remarks, mostly in French, 
about life, love and revolution. Though 
modern in spirit, Scola’s literary conceit 
becomes monotonous after a while. The 
cream of it is Mastroianni's lush portrait of 
Casanova as an aging roué, rouged and 
world-weary, a retired champion stud who 
obviously prefers a gourmet meal and a 
nap to new amours. Marcello alone would 
be worth twice the price of admission. УУ 
e. 

Divulging even a little of what goes on in 
Invitation си Voyage (Triumph) may scare 
audiences away from a stunning, small- 
scale French picture that’s a treat for the 
сус even when the mind boggles. Perhaps 
the real talent here is cinematographer 
Bruno Nuytten, who infuses every shot 
with a kind of imaginative mcan-streets 


PLAYBOY 


realism that often seems several jumps 
ahead of the screenplay by writer-director 
Peter del Monte. Well, lets drop a few 
clues: Invitation au Veyage is a bizarre road 
movie dealing with rock music, incest and 
necrophilia. The trip gets heavy at the 
start when a handsome young provincial 
lad packs the body of his dead twin sister 
into a bass-fiddle case, straps the case onto 
the roof of his car and sets off. His adven- 
tures en route to an unknown destination 
alternate with flashbacks to his life—and 
lovemaking—with his eccentric sibling, a 
New Wave singer. Laurent Malet and 
Nina Scott play the star-crossed brother 
and sister with unforgettable intensity. 
This provocative Voyage is not for every- 
опе but is not to be missed by cinephiles 
who cherish sleepers in the Diva tradi- 
tion. v 
б 

There is plenty of testimony to the 
hypnotic presence of our current cover 
girl, Nastassia Kinski, in this issue (see 
pictorial, page 142). But it's only fair to 
add that her restless, quicksilver perform- 
ance in Exposed (MGM/UA) would have 
shown the world her star quality even if 
she had been anonymous until now. She 
playsa college dropout, a country girl with 
a thirst for adventure who comes to New 
York, unexpectedly becomes a top fashion 
model (Ian McShane plays the lens genius 
who discovers her) and—even more unex- 
pectedly—gets deeply involved with a 
famous concert violinist (Rudolf Nureyev), 
who uses her as bait in his private vendetta 
with an international terrorist (Harvey 
Keitel) based in Paris. That’s a lot to 
chew, and writer-producer-director James 
Toback asks the audience to swallow 
whole somewhat more than the normal 
quota of baloney for a topical suspense 
drama. I think the casting of Nureyev was 
a mistake, electric though he is, because he 
hasn't enough skill at characterization to 
keep himself in context—he remains the 
great Nureyev, no matter what the script 
says, doing a movie gig- 

Kinski, au contraire, appears to work 
with an invisible wand that makes every- 
thing magically credible. Нег ѕрог- 
taneous, easy-does-it transformation from 
a gangly Wisconsin farmerette into а lac- 
quered supermodel is really something to 
see. After that, director Toback turns the 
spotlight on Nureyev and slams the film 
into high gear, as if he had made it while 
running a fever. He can claim valid credit, 
of course, for providing a remarkable 
young actress with her most effective 
showcase since Tess. Nastassia repays the 
favor by saving the movie for him— 
she gives Exposed, which would otherwise 
range from uneven to mediocre, a high- 
wattage source of natural light. v 

5 


Maybe I am too generous in praising 
actors, but more and more of them strike 
me as great talents in search of a script. 
Canadian-born Kate Nelligan, who was 
marvelous in 198175 Eye of the Needle (and 


Kinski Exposed by Nureyev. 


MOVIE SCORE CARD 


capsule close-ups of current films 
by bruce williamson 


Blue Thunder (Reviewed this month) 
Cops, choppers and Scheider. ¥¥¥ 
Coup de Torchon Philippe Noiret in a 
very noir French film. wy 
Exposed (Reviewed this month) Hats 
in the air for Nastassia. Period. d 
48 HRS. Eddie Murphy and Nick 
Nolte as cop and robber. WIA 
Frances Mediocre movie-star bio 
saved by the belle; luscious Jessica 
Lange as poor Frances Farmer, V 
Gandhi By now, they should be 
polishing up some Oscars for this 


Nastassia Kinski saves 
one movie while 
Kate Nelligan rescues another. 


Hirsch puts Nelligan on hold. 


subsequently conquered Broadway as the 
star of Plenty), sums up a young mother’s 
agony over a kidnaped child with her mes- 
merizing performance in Without а Trace 
(Fox). Adapted by Beth Gutcheon from 
her novel Still Missing, the story is chock- 
full of parallels to the Etan Patz case, no 
matter how vehemently the moviemakers 
deny for the record any connection to the 
child who disappeared on his way to 
school in Manhattan several years ago. 
Without a Trace is a relatively upbeat saga 
ofa woman’s stubborn faith rewarded, and 
produccr-director Stanley R. Jaffe (who 
produced Kramer ws. Kramer) has prudent- 
ly handled his directorial debut in austere, 
understated style. Occasionally, I felt that 
a bit of flamboyant melodrama might be 
helpful as Nelligan pushed the search for 
her vanished son (Daniel Bryan Corkill). 
Judd Hirsch as a kindly detective, David 
Dukes as her estranged husband and 
Stockard Channing as a Brooklyn Heights 
neighbor are all up to the standard set by 
Kate’s meticulously orchestrated star 
turn. ¥¥¥ 


saga—maybe one for Kingsley. ¥¥¥¥ 
High Road to China (Reviewed this 
month) Tom Selleck in a non-Magnum 
opus. Wy, 
Invitation au Voyage (Reviewed this 
month) Incest on the rocks. ШЫ 
The King of Comedy Jerry Lewis steals 
Scorsese’s show from De Niro. vv 
Lionna (Reviewed this month) To 
Lesbos with love from John Sayles. ¥¥¥ 
Local Hero (Reviewed this month) 
Lancaster vs. the Scots. wy 
Lovesick (Reviewed this month) Dud- 
ley Moore as a smitten shrink. % 
The Man from Snowy River (Reviewed 
this month) Classy Aussie epic. V 
The Night of the Shooting Stars (Re- 
viewed this month) Italians at war N 
La Nuit de Varennes (Reviewed this 
month) Mastroianni’s Casanova makes 
it watchable. ** 
Sophies Choice An Oscar for Streep, 


or the drinks are on me. WI, 
The Sting H Not a true sequel: a 
different scam—and just passable 


when Jackie Gleason's on the screen. ЖУ 
Table for Five A divorced father faces 
life in his 40s; Jon Voight makes the 
growing pains movingly real. . 
Tales of Ordinary Madness Wine, 
women and Gazzara off the wall. VV 
Tender Mercies As а country-and- 
western singer on the road back, Robert 
Duvall is grand, as usual E 
Tootsie The blithest spirit of this 
hilarious high comedy is Dustin Hof- 
man in drag. we 
The Verdict Another Oscar contend- 
er—Paul Newman as а boozed-up 
lawyer fighting formidable odds. ¥¥¥¥2 
Videodrome The future according to 
director David Cronenberg, with James 
Woods and Debbie Harry. yy 
Wasn't That a Time The Weavers then 
and now—and wonderful. УУУ 
Without a Trace (Reviewed this 
month) The missing-child story misses, 
but Kate’s great. yyy 
The Year of Living Dangerously Mel 
son, Sigourney Weaver weather in- 
trigues in Djakarta. yyy 


XVYY Don't miss 
УУУ Good show 


X Worth a look 
Y Forget it 


VIDEO 


what's new on tape and disc 
by bruce williamson 


THIS OCCASIONAL COLUMN will try to keep 
pace with what's hot, what's happening, 
what's upcoming in the world of video cas- 
settes and discs. 

So far, movies dominate the market 
You can walk away with The Road Warrior 
(Warner) or the French Diva (MGM/UA), 
even the current Richard Gere smash, An 
Officer and a Gentleman (Paramount, priced 
at $39.95 on VHS and $29.95 on Beta, 
down from the standard $70 to $80 in an 
experiment intended to encourage sales 
and compete with the lower-cost discs). 

As we go to press, the top-selling cas- 
settes (depending on which trade-paper 


Movies, exercises, 
Beatles and an evening 
with Robin Williams. 


chart you trust) are Stor Trek И: The Wrath of 
Khan (Paramount), an indisputable favor- 
ite; Rocky Ш (CBS-Fox); and Jane Fonda's 
Workout (Karl), the last a phenomenal suc 

cess (the sequel is Jane Fonda's Workout for 
Pregnancy, Birth and Recovery), with Playboy 
Video Vol. 1 (CBS-Fox) rapidly edging up 
on the charts, bare but unbowed. 

Don’t underrate sex appeal as a key fac- 
tor in take-home tapes. The Aerobicise 
series (third edition, The Ultimate Workout, 
from Paramount) has begotten an immi- 
nent syndicated TV show, and right about 
now, those erotic aerobichicks should be 
getting video competition from Everyday 
with Richard Simmons (Karl), eXercise 
(Monterey), which boasts a sexy topless 
cool-down, and Muscle Motion (Media), in 
which male dancers from Chippendales in 
L.A. do some jiggling that Jane might 
consider irresponsible physiotherapy- 
Most women will love it. 

Original programing is relatively rare, 
except for how-to tapes (everything from 
beginners’ blackjack to wine tasting) and 
some adaptations from records or cable 
TV: for example, ап extraordinary musi- 
cal docudrama, The Compleat Beatles 
(MGM/UA), a collector’s dream. Though 
released last year and extensively screened 
aloft, Broadway’s Pippin (Family), with 
William Katt and Ben Vereen, is the first 
big musical produced for the home mar- 
ket. The likeliest new chart buster I can 
see is An Evening with Robin Williams (Para- 
mount), hilarious raunch from a San Fran- 
cisco concert in 1982, first aired on HBO 
Next time, we'll look at the Vidmax 
MysteryDise (an “interactive” viewer- 
participation thriller) and other curios. 
Stay tuned 


The bald eagle isin danger of extinction. For a free booklet on how to help save 
this living symbol of our country write Eagle Rare, Box 123, New York, NY IISI. 


©1982. 


Pole Rare Bourbon. 
higher level of taste. 


› bird in America soars as high as the 
eagle. And no bourbon reaches the taste level 
of Eagle Rare 101 proof Bourbon. A taste so 
mellow, yet so distinctive, that it can only be 
achieved after ten full years of careful aging. 

Indulge in the finest Kentue 

Bourbon ever created. One sip will tell 
you why it’s expensive. 


Eagle Rare Bourbon. 
The 101 proof bourbon aged 10 years. 


$7990. Rabbit ОТ! includes 12-month unlimited mileoge, limited warranty. Mis suggested retail price. Fonsportatian, foxes, registration, dealer prep additional. Air conditioning 


It compensates for the 


German engineers at Volkswagen Ol missed the brake pedal. Our engineers designed a tach and 
wanted to know what would happen if Putting controls in the best possible speedometer you can read instantly. 
an ordinary mortal reached for the place to fit the driver to the car is a The GTIl's steering wheel and 
shifter on an autobahnatl00mphand science called ergonomics column—in fact every VW's steering 
hit the hood release. And in a high performance car like wheel and column—are designed 

Orsquirtedthe windshieldinstead of the Rabbit GTI, it's vitally important. around the length of your finger. 
lighting the headlights. Sitinside, you'll see what we mean. The wheel is thick, but easy to hold 


and radio optional 


fact that youre human. 


The horn, tum signals, wipers, and We don't have foncylightdisploysin токе you o better 
high beams are but onefingeraway place of a functional dashboard. driver Engineers 
(Thatway your other nine stay onthe Weringyou ondbuzzyouasseldom  atVWevensawto 


wheel where they belong.) as the law allows. it thatthe seats are 
If you drop your right hand outside In a Volkswagen Rabbit СТІ even quite attractive. 

your knee it falls square on the shifte. oursectsdon’tjustsitthere. Thedesign, After all, they're 
A Volkswagen won't talk to you. position, even the fabric playa parto only human 


Nothing else is a Volkswagen. 


TELEVISION 


By TONY SCHWARTZ 


THIS 15 A SHORT STORY about the brave new 
world of television. It is not an upbeat 
story. Dazzling technology aside, there 
isn’t much heartening news to report. If 
you think television is bad now, I’m here 
to tell you that it may well get worse. 

Worse for the major networks, one of 
which is likely to dic, or shrink severely, 
within the next decade. No sense mincing 
words: NBC, the weakest of the three, 
would be the first to go. Worse for the 200- 
odd local stations that now get paid by 
NBG to carry the network's programs and 
will suddenly be scrambling to fill the air- 
waves on their own. And even worse for 
viewers, who have been encouraged, most- 
ly by romantic journalists, to believe a 
modern fairy tale: that more channels lead 
automatically to better programs. 

Because, in reality, the death ofa major, 
full-service network won't be offset by the 
birth of a lot of smaller and narrower 
ventures. No NBC (or a withered NBC) 
will mean one fewer network reaching into 
nearly every American home with its pro- 
grams and giving us, however different we 
may be, some common ground. It will 
mean the loss of a sophisticated and 
lavishly equipped news organization will- 
ing and able to spend $50,000,000 a year 
on its half-hour nightly newscasts alone. 
And the death of NBC would also mean 
the loss of the one network that hes begun 
self-consciously sprinkling а schedule long 
dominated by schlock with smarter, more 
substantial shows, such as Fame, Cheers 
and St. Elsewhere. Finally, with one fewer 
full-fledged competitor to worry about, the 
remaining two networks—already content 
to feed us such froth as The Dukes of Haz- 
zard and Fantasy Island—will be even less 
compelled to try anything ambitious. 

This scenario begins with the fact that 
the networks are losing audience much 
faster than they care to admit. Three years 
ago, ABC, CBS and NBC commanded 90 
percent of the prime-time viewing au- 
dience; two years ago, 86 percent; this sca- 
son, they'll average 80. In the face of those 
figures, the network line has been that any 
further erosion will be more than offset by 
the continuing growth in the number of 
homes with television. But recently, АВС 
executives have begun confirming inde- 
pendent estimates that the three-network 
share may drop to 64 percent or even low- 
er by 1990. Already, in Columbus, Ohio, 
where subscribers to the Qube cable sys- 
tem can choose among 36 channels, the 
three-network audience share has dropped 
to Icss than 50 percent. 

What makes such stati ѕо ominous 
is that the networks are in a downward 
spiral they seem unable to stop. The num- 
ber of competitors, and the homes they 
reach, keep increasing. Simple math sug- 


Our newest columnist 
delivers a grim prognosis 
for the once-proud peacock. 


gests, for example, that the commercial 
networks will soon be outbid for rights to 
popular sporting events by pay networks 
that can generate more money with small- 
er audiences—simply by charging fans per 
month, per sport or per event, The second 
highest bidder for the 1984 Olympics, for 
example, was a pay network, and that 
occurred when fewer than a quarter of all 
homes were wired for cable. 

As for prime-time series—historically 
the networks’ bread and butter—the costs 
of production continue to risc, and there's 
no end in sight. Even the most simply 
mounted half-hour situation comedy now 
costs $350,000—double what it did five 
years ago. One network solution has been 
to cut back on the number of original epi- 
sodes and to rely more than ever on re- 
runs, which require minimal additional 
costs. But that’s just a subtler form of eco- 
nomic suicide. For when the rerun season 
begins, viewers have more impetus than 
ever to look for non-network alternatives 
Last summer, the three-network share 
dropped to 68 percent. A second short- 
sighted solution has been to increase the 
number of minutes allotted to commer- 
cials. But that, too, can only further alien- 
ate viewers, who now have the option of 
turning to commercial-free networks such 
as Home Box Office. 

Perhaps most insidious to the networks 
is the growth of satellite technology. Satel- 
lites are freeing local stations from their 
historic dependency on the networks’ dis- 
tribution systems. Until recently, ABC, 
CBS and NBO's method of delivering 


programs to affiliates via telephone land 
lines was the most efficient game in every 
town. But now any local station that 
vests in a modestly priced receiving dish 
has access to the growing menu of inde- 
pendently produced programs that are 
being sent out via satellite. 

And that’s precisely what a network 
such as NBC is up against. For half a 
dozen years now, NBC has been running a 
distant third in prime time and an even 
more dismal third in daytime—where it 
now attracts 15 percent of the audience. 
Several of its strongest affiliates (the ones 
that historically exceeded the network’s 
national ratings average by virtue of 
strong local news programing and good 
management) simply jumped ship, signing 
with ABC or CBS. 

Moreover, NBC's current affiliates have 
shown an increasing willingness to look 
beyond the network for programing. When 
the independent production of Nicholas 
Nickleby was offered to stations around the 
country this past winter, ten NBC affiliates 
were quick to take it—on the reasonable 
gamble that it would outdraw the low- 
rated NBC prime-time series it рге- 
empted over four weekday nights. 

‘The network system depends on affiliate 
loyalty, and that was no great problem so 
long as everyone made plenty of money. In 
1982, NBC reported approximately a 
$100,000,000 profit, which sounds pretty 
nifty at first blush. But nearly all of that 
came from its fivc locally owned stations. 

NBC doesn't break out the figures, but 
knowledgeable sources say that the net- 
work itself showed no profit in 1980 and 
1981 and earned a paltry $20,000,000 or so 
last year—despite revenues well in excess 
of one billion dollars. That's a profit mar- 
gin of less than two percent. RCA, NBC's 
Corporate parent, could do better selling 
off the network and putting the proceeds in 
a savings account. 

As NBC executives sec it (not surpris- 
ingly), the network can survive indefinite- 
ly, even without ratings improvement. 
*We wouldn't be wildly profitable," says 
Kathryn Pelgrift, NBC's vice-president for 
corporate planning, “but given continuing 
growth in ad revenues and the discipline to 
control costs better, there’s no reason we 
can't keep a modest profit level." 

"The catch is that the network's troubles 
are prompting a corrosive cycle. Because 
NBC has a weaker line-up of programs, 
affiliates are quicker to pre-empt. Thu 
NBC's national ratings suffer further, and 
so do the sums it—and its affiliates—can 
charge advertisers. Affiliates, in turn, be- 
come even more inclined to search for 
alternative programs, and that compounds 
the network's problems. The issue is sur- 
vival, and in leaner times, stations are 
understandably more concerned with their 
own situations than with the network’s; in 


desperation, a drowning man sometimes 
pulls down even the person who swims out 
intending to save him. “The network- 
affiliate relationship is a very delicate 
one,” acknowledges Pelgrift. “The ques- 
tion is how much havoc the affiliates can 
afford to wreak on the network system that 
supports them.” 

Grant Tinker, the former producer who 
replaced Fred Silverman as head of NBC. 
last year, has tried to stake out new terri- 
tory for the network as the place to turn to 
for better television. But nurturing a few 
inventive prime-time series may be too lit- 
tle, too late. Hit shows have become ever 
scarcer on all three networks, and the few 
that emerged in recent years are 
those scheduled directly after extremely 
successful series. But unlike CBS and 
ABC, NBC has virtually no hits: and in 
daytime hours, when networks traditional- 
ighest profit margin, NBC is 
weakest and viewing patterns are slowest 
to change. And what of the NBC news op- 
eration, which does less programing less 
visibly and less stylishly than its competi- 
tors? Tinker's efforts are still too scatter- 
shot to give NBC a distinctive, upscale 
identity. Nor does Rt 
its own—have unlimited money to pour 
into the rebuilding of the network. 

So what happens if NBC does go belly 
up? The answer is chaos, at least in the 
short term, Consider, for example, the 
ect of 200 stations all dressed up with 
[to run. Many will fold; but in the 
interim, it’s likely that a fair share will set- 
tle for whatever alternative programing 
has a reasonable prospect of attracting 
audience. And because exploitation is the 
cheapest and quickest way to win ratings 
(just look at most local newscasts), that 
may well mean more gratuitous violence, 
more smarmy sex and more Family Feuds 

Nor can viewers expect cable suddenly 
to pick up the slack. Sure, there will be 
more, much more, of what commercial 
television has long provided as part of its 
over-all package movies, sports and 
news. But it seems unlikely to expect much 
innovation from cable networks—parti 
ularly those supported by advertising— 
that will be sharing smaller pieces of a 
fragmented audience pie and smaller 
revenues, It’s not coincidental that the 
noblest and most ambitious cable venture 
so far—the tony performing-arts channel, 
CBS Cable—was also the first to fail. 

How bad might it get? For cosmic ques- 
tions such as that, I always turn to Steve 
Friedman, executive producer of the Today 
show and a man who knows and loves tele- 
vision despite all his better instincts— 
among them a penchant for breezy candor. 

"How bad?" said Steve when I called 
him recently. "Well, would you believe 
that in ten ycars wc might look back fondly 
at the Eighties as television's golden age? 
My advice is to enjoy it now, while you 
can. The brave new world of television 
may just be reruns of M*A*S*H and Bar- 
ry Manilow singing Memory.” 


—with troubles of 


Imported by Browne Vintners Со. New York © 1981 


company, 


APPELLATION MACON CONTROLEE 


BOTTLED BY 


PRODUCE OF FRANCE 
NEGOCIANTS —ELEVEURS A BLANQUEFOAT 


Wine lovers the world over have loved B&G's fine French wines since 1725. Our 
31 superb red, white and rosé wines are savored for their consistent taste and 
superior quality. Come enjoy the pleasure of our company. B&G. 


43 


hat Walter Tevis did for pool in his 

1959 novel The Hustler he does for 
chess in The Queens Gambit (Random 
House). You don’t have to be as obsessive 
about the game as Tevis is to enjoy this 
thriller. But if you are, you will be re- 
warded. 

. 

In a new collection of related short 
stories titled The London Embassy (Hough- 
ton Mifflin), Paul Theroux takes his narra- 
tor, Spencer Savage, from a post in 
Malaysia (remember The Consul's File?) to 
a job in England. And cur hero, Spencer, 
sometimes finds England more perplexing 
than Southeast Asia. As ever, well-told 
tales. 

. 

Whether he’s describing how the Defense 
Department leaks selected classified re- 
ports to Aviation Week or how the next war 
is likely to be orchestrated from space or 
how killer satellites work, Thomas Karas 
does a subtle and thorough job of reporting 
in The New High Ground: Systems ond Weapons 
of Space Age War (Simon & Schuster). Ifyou 
thought the film Star Wars was based on 
fiction, you'd better read Karas, because in 
an objective and rational fashion, he de- 
scribes the Jatest hardware and doctrine. 
“The military exploration of space has 
been happening for 25 years,” he writes, 
“[and] the time for national debate about 
our space policy is now.” The first couple of 
chapters are dull as Karas outlines the 
organizational problems of the Pentagon's 
space warriors, but as soon as he talks 
about specific systems and satellites, the 
book is worthy of Luke Skywalker. 

E 


Tim Poge’s Nam (Knopf) is primarily a 
book of photographs—stunning, frighten- 
ing, tranquil, mean, graceful—by one of 
the best combat photographers of the Viet- 
nam war. Page covered that war from 1965 
to 1969, when he was severely wounded. 
But his work is an example of creativi 
the midst of madness and death, and this 
book 1s a jewel. You see two Marines at the 
instant they are fatally hit (shades of 
Robert Capa’s famous photograph from 
the Spanish Civil War). You see women 
praying for peace on Dao Island, a stoned 
trooper smoking Cambodian Red, an A-6 
pilot on the carrier Coral Sea, a 12-year- 
old child minigunned by U.S. choppers, 
the empty eyes of a tank driver on Tay 
Ning road. You won't forget any of them. 

О 

Personal computers аге becoming so 
much a part of modern life that they are 
causing previously unknown nervous dis- 
orders. One such is computer itch. 
"That's when you desperately want to buy 
one of those cute blinking screens but 
can't figure out why. Another is computer- 
paralysis syndrome. That's a serious one. It 
happens when you decide to buy a comput- 
er but are afraid that if you get one today, 


Its the Queen's move. 


Anew Tevis thriller, 
computer handbooks and 
Didion on El Salvador. 


it will be obsolete by tomorrow. Well, you 
may not be ableto find theultimate comput- 
er, but, fear not, there is an ultimate com- 
puter book. In fact, there are two of them. 
They are called The Personal Computer Book 
and The Word Processing Book (Ballantine/ 
Prelude Press). The author, Peter A. 
McWilliams, communicates effortlessly 
about a difficult subject. That puts 
him two steps ahead of the authors of the 
9,000,000 other computer books out there. 
Also, he is funny. Funnier than Eddie Mur- 
phy on a good night. McWilliams doesn’t 
tell you a lot about what computers are; he 
tells you what they can do for you and what 
you can do with them. He also tells you 
what's worth buying and what's not. What 
more could you ask from a book? After all, 
it’s not a computer. 


. 

In Salvador (Simon & Schuster), Joan 
Didion turns journalist. She writes with 
splendid, terrifying simplicity about her 
trip to El Salvador in 1982. It's Didion's 
best work. Read the summation of her 
thoughts about a lunch she had at the 
American Embassy: “The wine was chilled 
and poured into crystal glasses. The fish 
was served on porcelain plates that bore the 
American eagle. . . The crystal and the 
American eagle together had on me a cer- 
tain anesthetic effect, temporarily deaden- 
ing that receptivity to the sinister that 


afflicts everyon: Salvador, and I experi- 
enced for a moment the official American 
delusion, the illusion of plau: the 
sense that the American undertaking in El 
Salvador might turn out to be, from the 
right angle, in the right light, just another 
difficult but possible mission in another 
troubled but possible country.” Didion 
plays it truthfully, succinctly, humbly, and 
the words shine. 


б 

Is The Life of Byron Jaynes (Norton), by 
James Howard Kunstler, an attempt to 
profit from current interest in Jim Morri- 
son, the rock star who died in 1971? In an 
obvious parallel to Morrison, Jaynes is a 
rock star who mysteriously dies in Europe 
at the top of his carcer. In Morrison’s case, 
the coffin was sealed and interred before 
careful stock could be taken, In the fictional 
case, Jaynes never actually makes it into 
the earth, though he winds up living under- 
ground in rural New Hampshire. And there 
he would have stayed had it not been for an 
ex-Relling Stone writer who spots him in а 
supermarket. The story moves slowly until 
the writer and the rocker sit down for a 
series of taped interviews; then events take 
a seemingly nonfictional turn. The hands- 
on description of life around big bucks and 
arena rock in the Sixties and Seventies rings 
true. And that insight is the author's best 
defense against charges of exploitation. A 
lot of writers attempt the rock-‘n’-roll novel 
and are usually way off the mark. Kunstler 
knows his turf. 


. 

The odds аге you'll go from the first 
chapter to the final sentence of Kenneth 
Goddard's Balefire (Bantam) before you 
remember toget up fora sandwich. Than: 
tos, a high-tech terrorist of the desert va 
ety, has launched a systematic assault on 
the Huntington Beach Police Department 
in the weeks before the 1984 Olympic 
games in L.A. The heat’s been arranged by 
a band of virulent pool-and-patio Arabs 
who've underestimated the spunk of at 
least one sleuth. Goddard, a West Coast 
cop and a forensics specialist, has written a 
beautifully plotted first novel 


BOOK BAG 


The Playboy Advisor on Love & Sex 
(Perigee), by James R. Petersen: It’s a pleas- 
ure to draw your attention to our favorite 
advice columnist, who has collected ten 
years’ worth of the best questions—and 
answers. You'll learn a lot and enjoy it. 

Jelly Roll, Jabbo and Fats: Nineteen Portraits 
in Jazz (Oxford), by Whitney ВаШец: 
Literary riffs by the best of all the jazz 
writers. 

Passengers (Doubleday), by Thomas G. 
Foxworth and Michael J. Laurence: This 
knuckle-whitening novel about air safety 
by a pilot and a screenwriter has all the 
elements for the inevitable movie version. 


Lights f "таг", 0 | паша E $ Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
tas 10Û s, 9 mg. "tar", 0.8 mg. nicotine RX That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 
av. per ci ciara FIC Ra leport De. BL \ 
| NN 
CISE3BAWTCo. E BI 
D | - | | 


*^ Take the road 
to flavor in a 
low tar cigarette. 


RALEIGH | 
LIGHTS 


Genuine tobacco 
in Kings ап; 10 


ЕЕН LIGHTS 


And you're stil! 
mixing a screwdriver 
with vodka? 


For a fabulous, fresh twist use Pernod*instead of vodka. Pernod 
(pronounced “per-know’) is the taste tingling licorice sensation from 
Tance. 
Simply mix one part Pernod to five parts of orange juice. For other 
drinks use the same | to 5 ratio. And discover such magical mixtures t= 
as The Pernod Colada, The Pernod Sunrise, or Pernod & Sprite® y 


PERNOD. The new twist in mixed drinks. ` 33 


Pomod 86 & 80-2 prool Spiritueux Anisé; Imported by Austin Nichols & Co... Lawrenceburg. KY © 1983. 


xv COMING ATTRACTIONS >: 


pot Gossip: Hal (Being There) Ashby will 

direct Diane Keaton in Modern Bride, 
described as a "contemporary comedy 
about a liberated woman who decides to 
have an old-fashioned wedding." . . . Burt 
Reynolds will play the lead in Blake Edwords" 
remake of The Man Who Loved Women. 
The Bee Gees are set to write and perform 
songs for Paramount's Slaying Alive, the 
sequel to Saturday Night Fever. The con- 
tinuation (starring John Travelta) picks up 
"Tony Manero’s story almost six years after 
Fever, as he tries to make it as a dancer on 
the Broadway boards. . William (Body 
Неш) Hurt and Lee Marvin top-line Orion's 
film adaptation of Martin Cruz Smith's best- 
lling novel Gorky Park. The screenplay 
was written by Dennis (Pennies from 
Heaven) Potter. . . Author Douglas Adams’ 
trilogy of best sellers—The Hitchhiker's 
Guide to the Galaxy, The Restaurant at the 
End of the Universe and Life, the Universe 
and Everything—has been optioned by 
Ivan Reitman, director of Meaiballs and 
Stripes. Adams will pen the script s 
CBS-TV is prepping a post-Korean War 
follow-up version of M*A*S*H. Initial 


Reynolds 


Keaton 


segments of the spin-off series are being 
written by Lary Gelbart; so far, three mem- 
bers of the original cast—Harry (Colonel 
Pouer) Morgan, William (Father Mulcahy) 
Christopher and Jamie (Klinger) Farr—will 
reprise their roles. As for Alan Alda, he’s 
busy turning The Four Seasons into a TV 
series. The new M*A*S*H scries is sched- 
uled to air in September, 
e. 

BOFFO XMAS: Santa was extremely gener- 
ous to Hollywood and particularly to 
Columbia Pictures last Christmas. 
According to a report in Variety, 
Columbia's two major yuletide contend- 
ers—Tootsie and The Toy—took the lion's 
share of the holiday box office, tallying up 
a combined revenue of more than 
$80,000,000. Paramount's 48 HRS. and 
Airplane II, Universal's Dark Crystal, War- 
ner Bros.’ Best Friends and 20th Century- 
Fox's The Verdict cach scored above the 
$20,000,000 mark as well. 


P 

INCOGNITO: Robert Hays, John Gielgud, 
Pamela Stevenson and Jim (Barnum) Dale 
star in Scandalous, one of those complex 
caper stories that defy concise explanation. 
But we'll try. Hays plays a TV journalist 


with a high TVQ who is stuck doing 
offbeat human-interest stories and would 
prefer investigating something meaty. 


Natch, something meaty comes along in 
the form of Gielgud, a con artist disguised 
as a Japanese businessman who happens 
to sit next to Hays on a flight to London 
Hays suspects industrial espionage, but 
Gielgud is going for only simple blackmail. 


Hays Gielgud 


The rest is a bit convoluted: Somebody 
gets killed, a film falls into the wron 
hands, Hays falls in love and Gielgud dis- 
guises himself as a punk rocker, а German 
building engineer and a Pakistani porter— 
all of which, I am told, makes this his 
“meatiest comic role since Arthur.” 
. 

3-0 ROUNDUP: Spurred by the unantici- 
pated box-office success of Filmways’ 1981 
3-D release Comin’ at Ya, Hollywood has 
gone 3-D craz s summer (dubbed 
"Summer of '83-D") will see the first slew 
of three-dimensional films, to bc followed 
by many, many more if the trend holds. 
Naturally, almost every studio in town has 
jumped onto the proverbial band wagon. 
ersal’s first big offering will be Jaws 
3-D, starring Dennis Quaid, Bess Armstrong, 
Simon MacCorkindale and Louis Gossett, Jr. 
Premise involves a great white shark 
accidentally let out of its enclosed lagoon 
at a sea park. The four above-named stars 
play employees of the park who must 
engage and ultimately destroy the fish 
Filmed in a brand-new process, Jaws 3-D 
will feature scenes in which the shark 
virtually jumps into the audience's lap. 


Quaid 


Columbia's premiere offering (set for a 


Armstrong 


June release) is Spacchunter: Adventures in 
the Forbidden Zone, starring Peter Strauss, 
Molly Ringwald, Andrea Marcovicei and Ernie 
Hudson. Billed as “the first 3-D outer-space 


adventure in nearly 30 years; it in- 
volves the exploits of a space salvage 
operator (Strauss) assigned to rescue three 
female voyagers marooned in space. 
Comin’ at ya from Orion in October is 
Amityville 3-D; and rumor has it that Para- 
mount's got one, too, but it's being kept 
under wraps (could it be Star Trek II1?) 
. 

MILITARY PAC-MAN: It is fairly common 
knowledge that somewhere in the inner 
sanctum of the Defense Department there 
exists a secret computer that simulates 
World War Three for the Pentagon’s mil 
(агу strategists. Would it be possible for 
someone—anyone—to tap into that pro- 
gram? That was the central question asked 
by screenwriters Walter Parkes and Larry Las- 
ker when they came up with the idea for 
War Games—the fictional story of a teen- 
aged computer whiz who accidentally taps 
into the Pentagon's war-planning pro- 
gram. To research the project, Lasker and 
Parkes approached the Pentagon, where 
their al inquiries were greeted with 
some degree of cooperation. But soon after 
seeing the script, Defense Department 
powers slammed the door shut. Unde- 


Broderick 


terred, the writer-sleuths managed to 
charm their way into a VIP tour of 
the NORAD (North American Air 
Defense) command headquarters. There 
they learned that many of the key points in 
their script were not only true but even 
more frightening than they had imagined. 
The resulting film, which stars Matthew 
Broderick, Dabney Coleman and John Wood, is 
set for a July release. 
. 

ROLE REVERSAL: David Begelman's first film 
project since leaving the stewardship of 
MGM/UA to become president of Sher- 
wood Productions will be Mr. Mom, star- 
ring Michael (Night Shift) Kecton, Teri 
(Tootsie) Garr and Martin (Serial) Mull. 
Directed by Stan (Love at First Bite) Dragoti 
and written by National Lampoon editor 
and former PLAYBOY contributor John 
Hughes, thc film is a comic story about a 
suddenly unemployed executive (Keaton) 
who suffers an identity crisis when he takes 
on the domestic responsibilities for his wife 
(Garr) while she re: enters the job market 
to unexpected success. Twentieth Cen- 
tury-Fox will distribute the picture, 

—]JOHN BLUMENTHAL 


Е)Сору!!дһ! Sasson Jeans, Inc. 1983 


Shirts for Men. Outerwear for Men. 
Jeans & Knitted Tops for Men. 
Watches for Men & Women. 


macys - bamberged - MACYS 


NOW, THE RICHNESS OF 
CREAM LACED WITH 
MYERSS RUM. 


Theres never been a 
cream like this before - pure 
fresh dairy cream laced with 
the worlds finest rum and (MYE 
choice natural flavors. Luscious. 


Myerss Original Rum Cream. 
There’ a world of difference. 


30009 УЕ A'N HOA МЭМ "00 NOS ? SH3AW "1 Q383 28519 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


АМ tru band and fansyered your ques: 
tionnaire in the January 1982 issue. 1 
found it very helpful to our sexual rela- 
tionship, but now I have a few questions. 
From the questionnaire, I learned that my 
husband enjoys masturbation—so much 
so that he indulges in it quite often. I have 
always thought that masturbation is an 
adolescent thing or a pleasure indulged in 
by sexually frustrated people. For quite a 
while, he seemed uninterested in having 
sex; he says it was because of marital prob- 
lems. But I wonder why he should have 
been interested in me if he could find 
pleasure through masturbation. Am I not 
satisfying his sexual needs, or does he have 
a sexual problem? I hope your advice will 
help me better understand my husband’s 
sexual needs and wants—Mrs. J. O., 
Tucson, Arizona. 

Masturbation is a healthy sexual release 
for men of all ages and is not simply an acliv- 
ity јот the adolescent or the sexually frustrated. 
male. Many well-adjusted married males 
(and females) continue to masturbate 
throughout their lives. That does not neces- 
sarily mean thal anything is amiss in your 
particular relationship or that you are failing 
to provide for his sexual needs. The best way 
to handle the issue is to be open with your hus- 
band and discuss your fears; it is likely that he 
occasionally masturbates on impulse or when 
you are not available. If you feel that your 
relationship with him is good and that you are 
fulfilling each other’s needs for intimacy, we 
don't think any problem exists. 


W would like to exchange video tapes with 
a relative in West Germany. I know that 
the electrical system over there is different, 
and I wonder if that will affect the tapes I 
send.—O. R., Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 
Sorry, but not only is the electrical system 
different, the TV system is different, too. 
There are three basic color-TV systems in the 
world: N.T.S.C. (National Television Stand- 
ards Committee), PAL (Phase-Alteration 
Line) and SECAM (Sequential Color and 
Memory). The U.S. uses the N. I: S. C. system, 
as do the Bahamas, Canada, Mexico, Japan, 
Hawaii and the Philippines. All other coun- 
tries fall into the two other categories—in- 
cluding West Germany, which is under the 
PAL system. The differences are largely in 
the way the color is encoded and decoded. 
There are also minor subdivisions of those 
categories, such as SECAM Vand SECAM H. 
It is possible to buy triple-standard VCRs and 
TVs, but they are expensive. It’s also possible 
to modify one TV system to another stand- 
ard—but, of course, to use it, you'd have to 
tote your system to that area. Some VCRs can 
also be modified to replay a different-standard 
recording, but you'd have to remodify the set 
to use И for your other recordings. The ques- 
tions are, How much do you really want to ex- 


change the tapes? and How much are you 
willing to spend in time and money to do it? 


| res BI tan бәз HÊ cn eiae 
bust up an otherwise near-perfect mar- 
riage. My wife and I were married six 
months ago; it’s the second marriage for 
both of us. We have had a very uneasy 
truce about sex for the whole six months. 
(We did not have sex with each other be- 
fore our marriage.) The problem is, she 
can't have an orgasm unless I massage her 
clitoris while we're having intercourse. I 
find this exceedingly awkward, whether 
she's on top or I’m on top. (We've tried 
other positions, but they don’t seem to йо 
anything for us.) When she's on top, she 
doesn’t even like to sit up on me; she says 
it hurts. I suggested that she massage her 
clit. That went over like a lead balloon, 
She says she enjoys feeling my penis inside 
her, but I can pump and pump and it does 
no good. To top it off, she says that if she 
has sex and doesn’t come to a climax, it 
gives her a terrific headache. This woman 
used a diaphragm for ncarly 12 years 
before we were married. Maybe that 
deadened some nerves. I’m beginning to 
feel that my most important genital is my 
finger. That's not the only problem (I tend 
to come a lot sooner than she—which 
totally turns her off—and she likes sex 
seven mornings and seven nights a week, 
which is more than I want), but if you 
can help with it, I think we can work the 
others out. 

We are both about 35 years old. Can 
you teach old dogs new tricks? I'll try any- 
thing. Recently, when I finally told her I 
found sex with her awkward, she blew up 
and said none of her other partners ever 
said that. ] can’t believe most men find it 
comfortable to have an arm stuck under a 


leg to reach upward or to have an arm 
turned backward to reach downward. Any 
suggestions?—R. C., Batesville, Arkansas. 
Ti mystifies us why a woman who wants sex 
зо often and is so inflexible in the perform- 
ance would have married withoul ex- 
perimenting first. Be that as it may, however, 
you might try bringing her to orgasm manu- 
ally before intercourse. Masters and Johnson 
speak of a "my turnlyour turn" approach that 
may prove useful. Instead of dreading the 
contortions imposed on you by your wife, 
you'd be better off in a relaxed atmosphere in 
which sometimes she gets off first and some- 
times you do. That would eliminate her 
headaches and, perhaps, yours: How much 
more would you enjoy your own climax if you 
"weren't panicky about not satisfying her? You 
should make it clear to her that it isn't only 
your job to please her but hers to please you. 
Going through the same scenario twice a day 
is tiresome, and when monotony settles in, 
you'll find cut what real sexual trouble is. 


лк бея 
car, I’ve heard cautions from friends about 
“riding the clutch.” Apparently, thatis the 
worst thing you can do. I suppose I do it, 
but I have no idea what it is or what the 
dangers are. Can you cnlighten me?— 
S. I., Reno, Nevada. 

If you've bought more than three clutches 
in the past year, you're probably riding the 
clutch. It’s the biggest cause of clutch failure. 
What it means is that you're not taking your 
foot off the clutch pedal between shifts. The 
clutch release is very sensitive, usually requir- 
ing only aninch, more or less, of travel before 
disengaging. If you keep your foot on the ped- 
al, the clutch will disengage only partially, 
causing a rapid heat build-up, and you'll 
eventually destroy your clutch plate. Drivers 
generally ride the clutch because it is incon- 
venient not to, but if you give it a couple 
of weeks’ concentration, lifting that left 
foot will become second nature and your 
friends will stop riding you. 


T 
fact, by far the best I've ever had. The only 
complaint I have is that he likes to suck 
very hard on my nipples, He says the taste 
of the fluid from them excites him. Since 
he seemed to enjoy doing it so much, I 
hated to spoil his fun, so I went along with 
it and said nothing, even though it was 
irritating and uncomfortable for mc. I 
wouldn't have minded a gentler technique, 
but he seemed interested only in imitating 
avacuum pump! After a long time of silent 
suffering, I finally had to ask him to stop, 
because it was just too painful. I was nice 
about asking him to stop and apologized 
for having tender breasts, but he was a lit- 
tle angry. Now he kids me occasionally 
about not being able to grab them playfully 


49 


PLAYBOY 


or suck on them. I suspect, though, that 
there's more significance to his kidding 
and that he thinks I'm making it up or not 
being fair. Is he right? Am I being overly 
sensitive? Or do other women have this 
problem with their breasts?—Miss R. A., 
San Francisco, California. 

Ii sounds as though your partner needs to 
be reminded of the fine line between pain and 
pleasure. There is a point at which certain 
kinds of stimulation can become annoymg 
and even painful. A loving relationship те- 
quires a sharing of respect and understand- 
ing by both partners. We're not surprised that 
your breasts are too sensitive for that kind of 
rough handling, but if they are sore or tender 
most of the time, you might want to check with 
your doctor. 


М, порру disks are arranged on my 
computer desk in a loose pile with the last 
one I used on top. It has occurred to me 
that that might not be the best storage 
method, but I’ve never heard anything 
about extraordinary care for disks. Am I 
risking damage? Some of them are very ex- 
pensive —R. M., Portland, Oregon. 

Your storage system is common and impru- 
dent but not necessarily dangerous. Dishs are 
fairly hardy and require only minimal care— 
but more than you are giving them. The disk- 
cite itself is usually of magnetic-coated 
polyester. One major manufacturer gave us a 
figure of 3,500,000 passes of the read-write 
head before a disk wears out. Still, you should 
try nol to eat, smoke or drink while handling 
them, and you should keep them away from 
magnetic fields such as those in motors and 
speakers. Naturally, bending or folding the 
disks is а no-no, as is writing or erasing on 
them. Your read-write head should not be 
allowed to rest on the disk after use. Always 
open your disk-drive gate to raise the head. 
The disk will survive a wide range of temper- 
atures— —40 to 125 degrees—for trans- 
portation purposes, but it is recommended 
that you operate it only in temperatures from 
50 to 115 degrees Fahrenheit. And because its 
coating will contract and expand, always re- 
cord and read at the same temperature. A few 
specks of dust will not harm the diskette; a 
rayon or polyester lining in the cardboard 
sleeve acts as а dustcloth as the disk spins. But 
you should avoid large amounts of foreign 
substances, as they might damage the head. 
Finally, there are diskette storage cabinets on 
the market. Check with your local computer 
outlet. We've a feeling your storage system 
will need changing as you acquire more and 
more disks. 


| must be a liberated woman, because the 
other day, I was waiting for a friend in a 
restaurant, watching people as they 
walked through the door, and I realized 
that I was taking a cock inventory. It went 
like this: Left, right, left, left, right, left, 
left. . .. I know it sounds absurd, but with 
so many people wearing jeans, I could see 
the outline of almost every man’s cock. 
And most of them were on the left. Either I 
just made statistical history or 1 wasted 


half an hour.—Miss Н. R., Indianapolis, 
Indiana. 

We're not going to touch the question of 
whether or not you wasted half an hour, and 
we're not going to tell you what we're not 
going to touch it with. But an inventory has 
already been taken. ty Drs. Zev Wanderer 
and David Radell in “How Big Is Big? The 
Book of Sexual Measurements.” In answer to 
the question “When a man is fully clothed, 
where does his penis lie?” they found, “More 
than 75 percent of all men say their penis 
hangs on the lefi side.” It seems that 17 
percent of American men have the right 
stuff. The rest let it fall as it may. 


e b ЕУУ B 
sota, 1 often find myself trying to squeeze 
between crowded rows in packed lecture 
rooms. My question is: When trying to get 
to a seat in the middle of a row, should you 
face the seated students (thus putting your 
crotch in their faces), or turn your back to 
them (thus putting your butt in their 
faces)?—M. G., Minneapolis, Minnesota. 

Turn your back to the people you are 
passing. While it may seem rude to put “your 
butt in their faces,” you're less likely to lose 
jour balance or fall in that position than if 
Jou try to pass them while facing them. Safety 
takes precedence over apparent courtesy in 
this instance. 


CCC 
months and I have thought of marrying 
her. But while we were at a party one 
night, she said she was rather drunk and 
needed to go outside to get some fresh air. 
As much as I hate to admit not trusting 
her, I watched her go outside for “а walk.” 
I discreetly followed her, only to sec her 
get into the passenger side of my best 
friend’s car and drive off with him. About 
a half hour later, she came back, saying 
that she felt better and that the walk must 
have done her good. I said nothing but 
waited to sce whether or not my friend 
would walk in, which he soon did. I took 
him outside and very calmly confronted 
him with what I thought had happened, 
and he admitted to having had sex with 
her. Later, as I was taking her home, I told 
her what he had said; she very nervously 
denied it and then stumbled through an 
excuse, which I reluctantly accepted. I 
have temporarily dropped my marriage 
plans until I can find out the truth. Since 
she evades the issue every time I ask her 
about it, 1 was wondering if there were 
some way I could get hold of a sodium 
pentothaldike substance to give her 
secretly to find out the truth after all. Peo- 
ple use Spanish fiy to get what they want, 
and I (ссі that my motive is much more 
justifiable. I hope you don’t think I’m sick 
for wanting to go about it in this way, but 
all else has failed and I’m going crazy 
wondering if she would really do some- 
thing like that—R. M., Detroit, 
Michigan. 

Under no circumstances should you even 
think of resorting to any so-called truth serum 


in an effort to get your girlfriend to confess to 
anything. You would be breaking the law by 
making such an attempt. If you can't get her 
10 communicate with you honestly, you may 
have to face the fact that your relationship is 
tn very serious trouble. If you can't resolve the 
matter and you can't bear the thought of her 
being dishonest with you, there's no point in 
letting the relationship go any further. Keep 
in mind, though, for what it’s worth, that 
your male friend's word is all you have to go 
on. Although circumstances may make your 
ladyfriend look guilty, you really have no 
proof that she's been unfaithful. The very fact 
that you take your friends word over hers 
points to the problems in your relationship. 


| Lis cmo sto ciate сно сп 
usually buy them in large quantities. My 
problem is that I don't know when they 
are going bad. Is there any way you can 
tell whether ог not supplements have 
spoiled?—S. T., Boston, Massachusetts. 

Generally, vitamin packages are dated, 
and by following the date, you can’t go too 
urong. That is, not if you are storing the 
vitamins properly. They should be kept in a 
cool, dark place to prevent loss of potency. 
Should a bottle of vitamins develop a strange 
odor, you're better off getting rid of them. But 
if you happen to take bad vitamins, they won't 
do you any harm—they just won't do you 
any good. 


М, girlfriend uses а diaphragm and 
spermicidal jelly for contraception. Occa- 
sionally, she has found herself short of 
the jelly but has gone ahead, anyway. Is 
the diaphragm alone an effective method 
of birth controP—T. W., Chicago, 
Illinois. 

You are taking your chances. According to 
Dr. Louise Tyrer, a vice-president of the 
Planned Parenthood Federation of America, 
uriting in Human Sexuality magazine, 
“Using a diaphragm withoul accompanying 
spermicidal jelly or cream confers some degree 
of contraceptive protection, but not enough. 
Most professionals consider the diaphragm a 
device whose main purpose is to hold the 
highly effective spermicide in place against 
the cervix.” Diaphragms are tricky to use— 
first-year wearers experience about a 13 per- 
cent failure rate (due, in some part, to failure 
to use jelly or cream). Conscientious use of 
one lowered the failure rate among teenagers 
to about two percent in one study. You may be 
interested to know that one study has shown 
that spermicidal jelly may kill the herpes sim- 
plex virus—it may keep you from catching a 
social disease while it keeps you from becom- 
ing a parent. 


АШ reasonable questions—from fashion, 
Sood and drink, stereo and sports cars to dating 
problems, tasteand etiquette—uwill be personal- 
by answered if the writer includes a stamped, 
self-addressed envelope. Send all letters to The 
Playboy Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. 
Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. 
The most provocative, pertinent queries will 
be presented on these pages each month. 


If you smoke... 


you should know that many smokers who are looking for a cigarette 
that offers smoking pleasure and ultra low tar have made today's 
Carlton their No.1 choice. 

In fact, Carlton is America’s most popular, best selling 
ultra low tar brand. 

Latest U.S. Government Report- Carlton King, Menthol 
or Box 1005—10 packs of Carlton have less tar than 1 pack 
of the following brands: 


Kent 2 10 | Kant 1008: 
Winston Lights Winston Lights 1005 
Marlboro Benson & Hedges 1005 


Salom — 1 Parliament Lights 1008 
Kool Mids Е Бает 1005 
Newport Marlboro 1005 


Cariton Kings Less than 05 0.1 
Carton Menthol Less had 05 0.1 | Carton Box tons Lass than 05 01 
=) 


1005: 4 mg, tar, King, Menthol 
0.4 mg. nic. and Box 1005: 
1005 Menthol: Less than 
З mg. tar, 0.5 mg. tar, 
0.3 mg. nic. 0.1 mg. nic. 


Box King-lowest of all brands-less than 0.01 mg. tar, 0.002 mg. nic. 


Carlton is lowest. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined Box: Less than 0.5 mg. “tar”, 0.05 mg. nicotine; Soft Pack, Menthol and 1007$ Box: 
That Cigarette Smoking ls Dangerous to Your Health. Less than 0.5 mg. "tar", 0.1 mg. nicotine; 1075 Menthol: 3 mg. "tar", 0.3 mg. nicotine; 
100's Soft Pack: 4 mg. "tar", 0.4 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette, ЕТС Report Dec. Bl. 51 


its Michelob Light for the winners. 


— a ЧА 


Would good frie 
this hard for a b 
Michelob Light. 
smooth taste yor 


| Michelob Light 


DEAR PLAYMATES 


Mes spring. Most of us—even those who 
don’t currently have any hot prospects— 
are thinking about love. This seems to be 
the perfect time to ask the Playmates what 
special qualities they look for in a prospec- 
tive lover. 

The question for the month: 


What is the most important quality in 
alover? 


W can't name just one thing, but I can 
tell you a lot of qualities I look for 
lover: energy, 
vibes, feelings, 
warmth and 
understanding. 
When you go to 
bed with a 
man, you can 
tell a lot about 
him and he can 
tell a lot about 
you. But 1 
don't rush into 
bed. I like to 
know a man 
first. Its more interesting that way and, 
also, like to establish some d of rela- 
tionship. If I feel something special hap- 
pening, then I can go to bed. 


A genuine interest in the object of his 
desire. Which is to say, tenderness and 
affection апа 
a sense of pac- 
ing, instead of 
the wham-bam- 
thank-you- 
ma'am school 
of sexual en- 
counter. (ОГ 
course, I have 
only heard of 
that type. I 
have no actual 

personal expe- 

rience with it.) 
I'm not expecting love on a first date, but 1 
would expect some interest in me as a hu- 
man being, instead of a total sex object. 


Ghee eee 


CATHY LARMOUTH 
JUNE 1981 


Tue most important thing to me about а 
lover is how he makes me feel when we are 
making love. And then, I want to make 
him feel just as good. Those feelings 
come from only a very emotional and pas- 
sionate rela- 
tionship. They 
don't happen 
just because 
of familiarity, 
though I think 
sex gets better 
the tenth time 


you have it 
with someone 
you care for, 


after you've felt 
ош each other's 
minds and 
bodies. Then you know more about what 
turns both of you on and off. But it can't be 
too pat, like, "OK, it’s nine o'clock, we've 
got to get into bed now.” Both pariners 
need to know how to arouse cach other. 
That's what sex is all about. 


asians 


ООУ, 


LORRAINE MICHAELS 
APRIL 1981 


Кеша Bord ала TIR say к арай: 
endurance—the physical, mental and 
romantic kind. 1 guess another word 
for it would be energy. If he starts to 
die out оп 
you, hopefully 
you've still got 
enough of a 
spark in you to 
get things going 
again. And if 
you start dull- 
ing out, hope- 
filly hes got a 
few jokes in 
his back pocket 
that can pull 
you out again. 
Usually, the flame i 
ning of a rela 
mer down. T 
you to s 


real hot in the begin- 
nship, then it starts to sim- 
at's when it's up to both of 
тише the flame in new ways. 
And to keep the temperature up. 


Tery Hanan 


MARCY HANSON, 
OCTOBER 1978 


Scarconfidence and being totally open- 
minded and nonjudgmental. Га like to 
think that I could be one person by day 
and another by 

night and not * 
be misjudged 

for either: What 

I mean is a lady 

by day and not 

so much of a 

lady by night 

Some men are 

funny about 

that dichotom: 
They may ha: 
hang-ups about 

how a girlfriend 

or a wife should act, 1 look for a sensitive, 
giving man. A man I can talk to about sex- 
ual things and not feel dirty or be looked 
down upon or be judged. 


CATHY ST. GEORGE, 
AUGUST 1982 


The most important quality іп а good 
his kiss: if he can kiss really 
he can 
kiss delicate 
if he can ki 
with emotion. 
Delicacy in 
general is very 
important 10 
me. Is he really 
into me—not 
just — sexually 
but emotionally 
as well? Can 
he show it? Is 
he focused? 
Is he trying to communicate his interest in 
me by really talking to me? If the answers 
to all those questions are yes, then I feel 
as though I've found a good lover. 


JANUARY 1981 


Send your questions to Dear Playmates, 
Playboy Building, 919 North Michigan 
Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. We won't be 
able to answer every question, but we'll try. 


THE SPARKOMATIC SOUND. 
WAY T'GO AMERICA. 


Wherever you're going, The Sparkomatic Sound will make getting there a lot more 
fun especially if you're headed for one of the SPARKOMATIC CAR SOUND PRESENTS SUPERTRAMP 
WORLD TOUR '83 concerts. 


Because Sparkomatic car stereo, amplifiers, and speakers deliver the most music 
foryour money. 


Just listen to ears of experience—the major consumer testing experts who voted 
Sparkomatic America's #1 value in car sound. Better still, trust your ears and make your own 
good judgment. 

Come into a Sparkomatic Sound Dealer for a live demonstration. There's a complete 
range of high performance equipment to choose from—infinite combinations to assemble a 
spectacular sounding car stereo system. 

The Sparkomatic Sound. It's theWay T'Go for America's Travelin' Man. 


SPARKOMATIC. 


Car Sound for America's Travelin' Manm 


SPARKOMATIC CAR SOUND PRESENTS 
SUPERTRAMP WORLD TOUR '83 


Coming to North America This Summer 


Models shown: SK 6950, SR 308. 
For our free catalog on Car Sound Equipment write: "For America's Travelin’ Man,” Depe. PB, Sparkomatic Corporation. Milford. PA 18337. 


nnsumug 515 


* 
et a SS ы 
sume 


w — 


— 


When video gremlins get too clos 


е for co mfort, make your escape ш 
in moderation, that’s aclose encounter уо! 


wll never forget 


© 1983 SEAGRAM DIST 
D 1983 SEAGUM DISTLLERS CO NYC АМ 
"pl mehrerer Ed 
ny 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


a continuing dialog on contemporary issues between playboy and its readers 


TEETH IN THE LAW 

I applaud you for your concern about 
prison reform and related injustices. But I 
don’t remember ever reading in PLAYBOY 
about a little thing called presentence in- 
vestigation (P.S.I.). 

Unbeknown to many, including attor- 
neys, this report, prepared by the proba- 
tion department (in collusion with the 
U.S. Attorney's office), has more bearing 
on a prisoner’s incarceration than the 
gravity of his crime. First, it is read by the 
judge before he passes sentence. It may in- 
dude anything—truth, fact or fiction— 
that the prosecutor cares to concoct. Then 
the Bureau of Prisons, which calls the 
P. S. I. its Bible, uses it to determine the 
prisoner’s custody-level designation, fur- 
loughs and eligibility for a halfway house. 
Next, the parole board, on the basis of all 
this, evaluates his guidelines and parole 
probability. To help the board, its friends 
in Washington say that prisoners may not 
have a copy of their own P. S. I., so if they 
care to fight it, they have to do so from 
memory. The Federal system has a copy, 
evaluates prisoners with it and uses it 
against them—but they cannot get а copy. 
Is that freedom of information? 

Justin [gnizio 
Danbury, Connecticut 


NICE GUYS STRIKE BACK 

T have been following your series of let- 
ters from nice guys who finish last, and I 
agree with many. Building a relationship is 
like climbing a difficult mountain: It re- 
quires two people, but you will get only as 
high as the point where the first person 
wants to stop. It seems to me, however, 
that there are two things that your readers 
have failed to notice. 

First, by now, everyone should realize 
that when someone loves you, he or she 
will continue to do so in spite of your 
treatment of him or her, not because of it. 
Similarly, if someone doesn’t love you, 
showering him or her with gifts and affec- 
tion probably won’t change anything 

Second, none of your readers scem to 
notice that they are behaving in the same 
way as their girlfriends. They adore those 
who treat them badly and are indifferent to 
those who really love them. 

Tan Sumner 
Lighthouse Point, Florida 


NOT JUST A JOB 

With concern growing in public and 
Government sectors about the failure of 
young men to register for military service, 
I thought your readers might be interested 


in an opinion from the other side. 

After serving many years in the U.S. 
Army аз a commissioned officer with line 
units, training units and such prestigious 
units as the Rangers and the Special 
Forces, I decided that it was time to leave. 
That was an extremely difficult decision 
to make and was one that tore me apart 
emotionally. 

Our military exists for the purpose of 
defending our nation and its interests. 
Ultimately, the lives of our young soldiers 


“Hundreds of excellent 
officers leave the 
military each year.” 


are placed in the hands of commissioned 
officers. That becomes a tremendous 
responsibility for the officers and should 
never be taken lightly. 

Unfortunately, our military has become 
an organization in which image has taken 
priority over all else. For an officer in to- 
day’s “image Army,” survival often means 
relegating the welfare of his troops to a 
position second to his carcer aspirations. 
Doing good becomes 2 poor second to 
looking good. I would estimate that hun- 
dreds of excellent officers leave the military 
each year to escape the politics and the 
hypocrisy that characterize the upper level 
of the corps, leaving those who care 
only for themselves in charge of our 
nation’s youth, 


It is easy for politicians and generals to 
tell us why we should be prepared to lay 
down our lives in defense of our country, 
because when it is all over, the politicians 
and generals will still be around. 

To those individuals planning on enter- 
ing the military or merely debating reg- 
istration, I can offer only the following 
counsel: You may be playing a game in 
which the deck is most definitely stacked 
against you. 

(Name and address 
withheld by request) 


LET ‘EM WALK 

As an attorney who handles more than 
200 first-offender drunk drivers every year, 
I would like to offer a few thoughts to the 
people who scream, “Jail them!” 

As long as alcohol and bars are legal 
and the American public is dependent on 
the automobile for transportation (try to 
get a cab or a bus at 12:30 am), there will 
be people driving while intoxicated. The 
vast majority of the first offenders never 
repeat and are left with horrible memories 
ofarrestand court proceedings. The court- 
ordered drunk-drivers’ classes are very 
effective for most people. I am sick of TV 
shows that compare the abilities of a 
racing-car driver before and after drink- 
ing. I would like to scc included in those 
tests a harried mother with three kids in 
the car and an elderly person who seldom 
drives, just to see if they are as dangerous 
as a person with a .10 blood-alcohol con- 
tent. Drunken driving is wrong, but jailing 
and harassing first offenders is not the 
answer. 


Timothy R. Higgins 
St. Louis, Missouri 


АЦ SYSTEMS СО 

It may be an odd thing for me to say, 
but when I was on death row, I believed in 
the death penalty. That was due mainly to 
the fact that 1 was in close proximity to 
people who didn't mind telling you that 
they had killed people in robberies in order 
not to have any witnesses against them; 
those death-row prisoners had stabbed, 
shot and/or beaten to death their victims. 

1 no longer believe in the death penalty. 
Em no longer in close proximity to all 
those sick and violently disturbed minds, 
but I can see from all those talks that 
penalties are so arbitrarily imposed— 
through violations of due process of law 
and the abuses of constitutional rights—as 
to make not only death-penalty cases but 
also other criminal prosecutions a sham. The 
D.A.s have so many different tricks that 


57 


PLAYBOY 


you could say they have the fourth and 
fifth aces up their sleeves at all times— 
especially when a defendant is forced to 
stay in jail, awaiting trial, because exces- 
sive bail has been set on him. The defend- 
ant is intimidated, harassed, humiliated 
and degraded сусгу step of the process 
of awaiting trial. So how can he assist in а 
meaningful way in his defense? He doesn't 
know from one moment to the next if he 
will be acquitted by the honorable officers 
ofthe law or remain incarcerated for some 
trumped-up infraction of the rules. Terror- 
ization and brutalization are the bywords 
of almost all county jails here in Texas. 
And as if that were not enough, a D.A. is 
allowed to make and offer time cuts or 
completely drop all charges against any in- 
mate in the county jail in exchange for that 
inmate’s fabricating some lie that could be 
favorable to the state's case іп an upcom- 
ing murder trial. So the D.A. cuts a deal 
with one of these hundreds of potential 
witnesses, gets him on the witness stand to 
tell some lie about what happened or what. 
the defendant was supposed to have said 
in some jailhouse conversation. Never 
mind if the story is a lie—just as long as 
it’s told in such a convincing manner that 
a jury will believe it. The D.A. has an 
unlimited source of potential witnesses 
and the power to train them and polish 
their stories before they are put on the wit- 
ness stand to tell their lies. 

But, you see, Texas’ elite (the well-edu- 
cated moyers and shakers who cut deals 
in judges’ chambers and rule the system) 
reaches into all facets of social life—even 
prisons. If there were fewer convictions, 
there would be less free labor provided by 
prisoners, fewer prisoners to construct new 
prisons, less need for all those phony half- 
way houses, because only the truly guilty 
would be in prison. 


Robert Allen May 
Huntsville, Texas 


HIGH ON GUNS 

In the February Playboy Forum, an 
Omaha letter writer asks who has not tried 
marijuana. I am less than 30 years old and 
T have not. 

I am a college student majoring in 
criminal-justice administration, looking 
toward a future in law enforcement. Not 
only do І reject marijuana so as not to 
jeopardize my future carcer, І have had no 
desire (believe it or not) to try it. 

People nowadays, including your 
Omaha correspondent, should think just a 
litle before doing anything as controver- 
sial as smoking marijuana. [1 may cost 
them the chance to obtain a Federal 
firearms license. You can be assured that 
rejecting marijuana hasn't jeopardized my 
chances of obtaining one. 

(Name withheld by request) 
Kansas City, Missouri 


THANKS, HEF 
Great things have happened to the 
Athens News since May 1982, when I 


FORUM NEWSFRONT 


what’s happening in the sexual and social arenas 


MUGGING ART 
NEW YORK CITy—An artist who painted 
muggers with the faces of two colleagues he 
thought were destroying art was “obviously 


allegorical” but not libelous. According to 
the judges of the Appellate Division of the 
State Supreme Court in Manhattan, “The 
Mugging of the Muse” was more hyper- 
tole than foul play. "Far worse commentary 


is written almost daily by newspaper and 
magazine critics of every aspect of the arts 
andis... no more than an expression of an 
opinion." The court overturned a judgment 
against the painter that had awarded the 
two colleagues $30,000 each in damages. 


IN THE MEN'S ROOM? 

BOCA RATON, FLORIDA—A 61-year-old 
rabbi has been charged with distributing 
pornograplic photos. bearing the name, 
address and home and work phone numbers 
of his ex-wife. The rabbi, who is accused of 
placing the photos in public men’s rooms, 
claims that he was "set up by a woman who’ 
angry and bitter” over their recent divorce 
“I am an innocent victim of a woman's 
wrath,” he said. “The pain from this is 
greal. My heart cries.” He was seen, 
though, leaving a washroom with a satchel 
containing 20 to 30 similar photos. 


SPECIAL SAUCE 

LOS ANGELES—Detectives are trying to 
untangle the story of two local bus drivers, 
one male and one female, who claim they 
were held up by two gunmen. The woman, 
who was driving the bus al the time (the 
male, who was off duty, was the only pas 
senger). was stripped and tied ир. had 
tartar sauce slapped onto her body and was 


then ordered to take a white tablet. “If you 
wake ир, you won't be able to identify us 
afterward," said one of the gunmen. Said 
one of the cops, "I can safely say it is one of 
the most bizarre robberies I have ever heard 
of.” The male driver said that he was robbed. 
of $14 in cash and a railroad watch worth 
$500; the woman said she was robbed of a 
wrist watch worth $850, two rings and а 
necklace worth about $400, a $40 briefcase 
and her driver's uniform. 


POT-POURRI 

ANN ARBOR—Sixteen physicians pur- 
chased a newspaper advertisement to show 
their support for а campaign to repeal the 
college community's lenient five-dollar fine 
for simple marijuana possession. The repeal 
secks to restore a more severe penalty, cow 
sidering the "potential danger of this drug" 
10 the community, 


UP, UP AND AWAY 

SAN PEDRO, GALIFORNA—Afler several 
months of study, the Federal Aviation 
Administration has notified Larry Walters 
that he violated several laws when he 
piloted an aluminum lawn chair by balloon 
from San Pedro to Long Beach. At least two 
jetliner pilots had radioed that the chair 
was floating along at 16,000 feet. The. 
worst offenses were operating a “civil air 
craft for which there is not currenily in 
effect an airworthiness certificate” and 
flying within an airport traffic атса “with- 
out establishing and maintaining two-way 
communications with the control tower. 
Said Walters, “They seem very adamant 
that I broke all those laws deliberately. [t 
was not my intention to go float around the 
Long Beach Airport. It was not deliberate. 
You can't control a balloon.” 


SHOCKING SUIT 
WERKELEY—In response lo a suit filed by 
four psychiatric organizations, a superior 
court judge has ordered а preliminary 
injunction against a new cily ordinance 
banning the use of electroshock therapy. 
Herrick Hospital & Health Center is the 
only city facility affected by the law, and 
doctors there occasionally use the therapy 

for severely depressed patients. 


STAYING CLOSE TO HOME 

мїлмї-——Ал innocent 57-year-old man 
spent two months behind lars because an 
11-year-old girl, trying to avoid punish- 
теш for wandering away, told her family 
that she had been raped. “A horrible mistake 
has been made." said the Dade County 
assistant state's attorney after the girl admit- 


ted to police that she had lied. The man in 
custody, however, made no attempt to tell 
his side of the story, reasoning, “If you are 
innocent, you have nothing to talk about." 


BAD WAY OUT 

CLINTON, TENNESSEE—A Local jail prison- 
er charged with grand larceny for auto- 
mobile theft was taken to a hospital afier he 
complained of stomach pains. It turned out 
that he had eaten a bolt, a metal-spoon 
handle and the steel shanks from his shoes 
in order to secure a transfer lo a mental hos- 
pital from which he thought escape would be 
easier. He was found guilty of the charges 
against him and received a four-year sen- 
tence to the maximumn-security Brushy 
Mountain State Penitentiary in Morgan 
County, An assistant district attorney 
general quipped, “Anderson County can't 
afford his medical bills.” 


TOUGHER DRUG LAWS 

WASHINGTON, D.C.— President Reagan, in. 
a change in the Uniform Code of Military 
Justice, has toughened. criminal. penalties. 
for drug abuse in the Armed Forces. “The 
thrust is to go after the person involved in 
distribution,” said a Pentagon official. 
Under the new code, distribution of many 
illegal drugs, including marijuana, 
cocaine, heroin and LSD, can bring 15 


years’ confinement at hard labor, a dishon- 
orable discharge and forfeiture of all pay 
and allowances. Previous maximum penal- 
lies had ranged from two to ten years, except 
in the case of marijuana; the penalty for 
possession of less than 30 grams was con- 
finement of up to two years. 


WAR AGAINST HERPES 
CHICAGO—À vaccine thai prevents 
herpes could be available for human use 
within five years. According to University 
of Chicago researchers, the vaccine, cur- 
tently being tested on animals, would not 
produce cures among people who already 


have herpes but could reduce the number 
who stand a good chance of catching it. The 
U of C team is currently working with sci- 
enlists at Emory University in Atlanta, the 
University of Alabama and several interna- 
tional research facilities with a view to 
creating a herpes strain that provides im- 
munity against the disease without causing 
the symploms. 


RETURNING $75,000 

cHicaco—A couple who won $75,000 
in a Juvenile Diabetes Foundation raffle 
decided that they needed the money less than 
the children who suffer from the disease. 
And so the winners gave the money back. 
“My wife is a diabetic,” said the hus- 
band. “I'm not wealthy and 1 didn’t come 
from wealth. This is my opportunity lo give 
society something back. You can't be a taker 
all your life.” 

“F don't think there was a dry eye in the 
place,” said the foundation's president. 


LEGISLATIVE PROCESS 

WASHINGTON, pc —MNew Federal Gov- 
ernment guidelines say hat family- 
planning and abortion clinics must be 
absolutely separate and may not share office 
Space, personnel, stationery, publications, 
medical equipment or supplies. The 
Planned Parenthood Federation of Amer- 
ica and others seethe new rules as a form of 
harassment. For example, a pregnant 
woman could not even use the telephone in 
а family-planning clinic to male an 
appointment for an abortion. In Planned 
Parenthood's view, abortion is not a method 
of family planning but, rather, a response 
to lack of it. The executive director of the 
Family Planning Council of Southeastern 
Pennsylvania said that "the hospital physi- 
cians who do family planning often also do 
abortion as part of their practice of medi- 
cine, If the guidelines went into effect, an 
enormous number of patients who now have 
access to family planning would lose that 
access,” largely because hospitals would lose 
their Federal grants. 


MEXICAN LIBEL 
mexico ciry—The huge package of 
“moral renovation" proposals sent by Presi- 
dent Miguel de la Madrid Hurtado to the 
congress includes a new libel law that has 
Mexican journalists in an uproar. Accord- 
ing to the new law, a civil libel offense 
occurs when “an illicit act or omission pro- 
duces moral damage." The law defines such 
damage as harm to a person's “feelings, 
affections, beliefs, decorums, honor, repula- 
tion, secrets of his private life and physical 
integrity or his personal consideration.” 


HEARSE GIVES CHASE 
BRONN, NEW YORK—A — funeral-home 
director driving a loaded hearse to a ceme- 


tery said that he spotted a robbery in 


progress and chased the thieves’ getaway 
car at speeds of up to 70 mph. After police 
Jinally corralled the robbers—complete with 
loot and pistols—the hearse driver caught 
up with the grieving family waiting at the 
cemetery. “They saw what happened, too, 
and they were more concerned with my safe- 
ty than with anything else,” he said, adding, 
“Doing 50, 60, 70 miles per hour in a 
hearse was quite an experience.” 


FOUND INNOCENT 
NEWPORT м VIRGINIA— Despite an 
official complaint by a female staff sergeant, 
а Fort Eustis soldier was found innocent of 
violating a Virginia law prohibiting the 
display of obscene paintings on private 
property. The property happened to be a 


van decorated with a scantily clad woman 
titled “Lunch Time Lover,” and the soldier 
said that the artwork came with the vehicle. 
An attorney prevailed, arguing that the 
painted woman was no more obscene than 
women who wore bikinis in the summertime 
and that it did not violate the community 
standards of either Fort Eustis or Newport 
News. 


4000 MILES PLUS 

CARMAN, ILLINOIS—A ler. nine days and 
ап estimated 4000 miles of driving, an 
elderly Illinois couple reported missing for 
several days were found, disoriented but 
unharmed, at a motel in the town of Afton, 
about 150 miles south of Carman. The 
4000 miles included visits to the outskirts 
of Chicago and then lo Indiana, Kentucky 
and Missouri. The couple "seemed confused 
by ай the fuss, but they agreed to wait for 
relatives," according to a state police officer. 
AL one point during the search, family mem- 
bers even enlisted the services of a water 
dowser to find them. Cross-checking their 
odyssey on the couple’s hand-drawn maps, a 
nephew said that the dowser “was pretty 
close to their whereabouts a couple of times.” 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health 


Setting your sights. 


Once upon a time you were a master block- 
builder and your sand castles were voted best on 
the beach. It took more than a couple of years 
and a lot more work. But at last you've designed 
a building that's going to last. 


You're tasting success and it sure tastes good. 


VANTAGE. 
THE TASTE OF SUCCESS. 


VANTAGE 


А = EN 
Great Taste fg a O | 
with Low Tar. = <=> М 
GEL 


rere. 


That's Success! 


PLAYBOY 


62 


received the Hugh M. Hefner First 
Amendment Award. The Ohio Associated 
Press wrote a major story about our efforts 
that was picked up by several state news- 
papers. Two area television stations did 
short news pieces, and Advertising Age 
wrote an article about the Athens News. 
Such publicity would not have been possi- 
ble without the vote of confidence in my 
efforts given by the Playboy Foundation, 

Melody Sands, Editor 

Athens News 

Athens, Ohio 


THIS BUD'S FOR YOUTH 

I do not think it is fair that 18-year-olds 
have to bear all the burdens and responsi- 
bilities of legal adults but are not allowed. 
to enjoy all of the privileges. I have felt 
that way since I was 18; 1 am now 27. 

What I am specifically referring to is the 
fact that 18-year-olds are old enough to 
dic for their country, are old enough to be 
tried as adults for any crime—including 
driving under the influence of alcohol— 
and have to support themselves if their 
parents choose not to support them. Yet 
they are nol old enough to drink in most 
states, including my state, California. 1 
do not think that that is fair. The laws 
defining 18-year-olds as minors when 
gambling and drinking are concerned 
must be changed. 

Onc possible rationale for those laws is 
strong public sentiment against drunk 
driving. While I can understand that 
reasoning, I think it is taking the wrong 
direction. Until very recently, slap-on-the- 
wrist penalties—small fines and a week or 
two of traffic school—were given to drunk 
drivers in California. Now there are 
harsher fines and even possible prison 
sentences. Drunk driving has decreased. 
But in the past, the states having a high 
legal drinking age did nothing to stop 
drunk driving. 

Ir is time for the Federal Government to 
intervene when individual states violate 
civil liberties. I propose a constitutional 
amendment saying that 18-year-olds are 
adults and that no state can pass a law 
denying them their civil liberties and 
privileges. 


Jonathan Mitchell 
Los Angeles, California 


SCRATCHING CHICKENS 

The item in February’s Forum News- 
front about the demise of that blue-painted 
chicken in Ottumwa, Iowa, has me very 
perturbed. Why, in this day and age, 
would an institution of education allow 
such cruel and inhuman punishment to be 
inflicted on an animal? It is bad enough to 
suspend the coach for a week, but without 
pay—that's too much! Here is a man who 
is disciplining, training and developing the 
backbone of our country, our youth! Now 
the youth of Ottumwa must do without 
him for an entire week. This coach has 
proved his ability to teach; one of his stu- 
dents caught the fowl escapee and brought 


it back alive to have its neck wrung. 
When will people learn where flagrant 
cruelty to animals eventually leads? There 
is a very fine line that separates the sense- 
less killing of animals and the senseless 
killing of humans. Let us hope the youth of 
Ottumwa do not cross it. 
Steven T. Wall, Sr. 
Old Bridge, New Jersey 


GIMME SHELTER 
It is ironic that Clyde A. Wilkes men- 
tions “misstatements of fact" in his letter 


оп nuclear power (The Playboy Forum, 
February)—ironic because his letter is a 
complete misstatement of fact. 

The storage of nuclear wastes has been 
marked by incompetent inspection proce- 
durcs, clumsy handling and shoddy con- 
tainment practices. Large amounts of 
high- and low-level wastes—in addition to 
plutonium, a by-product of both conven- 
tional and breeder reactors and one of the 
most poisonous elements known—have 
already been leaked (sometimes inten- 
tionally) into the soil and the water. The 


LOSERS IN THE 
EYES OF THE LAW 


Generally speaking, law: 
suits turn out as many losers 
as they do winners. Here ате 
three of the former, courtesy 
of Amherst, Masachu- 
sells, atlorney Steven J. J. 
Weisman: 

* Who protects the poor 
working girl? Apparently 
not the Appeals Court of 
Indiana, which recently 
upheld the prostitution 
conviction of Audrey 
drey’s crime 
merely offering an under- 
cover police officer a mas- 


sage, including a “breast release," 


which, sadly, was not defined. Audrey 
argued in her defense that the Indiana 
law that таас it a crime to fondle а 
person's genitals for pay was unconsti- 


tutionally vague and, worse, violated 
her constitutional rights of freedom of 
expression, privacy, association and her 
right to eam a living. Unfortunately for 
her, the court disagreed and came 
down against such an exercise in per- 
sonal liberty, saying that the meaning 
of the word fondle is clear and that her 
constitutional rights were still intact, 
So, even in these days of supply-side 
Reaganomics, the courts are still penal- 
g enterprising young business- 

women who service the public 

* What are little girls made of? Sugar 
and spice and everything пісе? 
Perhaps. But Audra had started her life 
made of snips and snails and puppy- 
dog tails, and her fellow female workers 
threatened to quit en masse if Audra 
were allowed to use the ladies’ room. 
For Audra, also known as Timothy С 
was a transsexual. Two days later, Au- 
dra was fired and promptly brought 
suit in a Federal district court 
charging sex discrimination in v 
of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 
1964. Alas, she lost not only in the 


Federal court but also in 
the Eighth Circuit Court 
of Appeals, which ruled 
that in defining sex for dis- 
crimination purposes, the 
J rather than the 

ve definition could 


immemo- 

small children have 

pleaded with one another 

for a piece of candy or 

another treat by saying, 

“If you give me some, ГЇЇ 

e your best friend." 

Apparently, that practice 

does not end with childhood. Not long 

ago, the Supreme Court of New York 

had to decide whether or not 

а 67-year-old man who had given up 

his job to become the companion and 

the best friend of a wealthy widow 

should receive, when their relationship 

broke up, what the court called "com- 
panionimony.” 

For five years, the gentleman had 
been supported by his wealthy friend. 
She had bought him cars, paid his rent 
and, altogether, spent more than 
$300,000 on him. When their rela- 
tionship ended, the gentleman sued his 
benefactor for $1,500.000 to enable him 
to maintain the lifestyle to which hc 
had become accustomed. Money, as 
the court recognized, “is a poor substi- 
tute for love, affection or attention, but 
for many, its satisfactions are longer 
lasting.” Sort of like the candy bar in 
the schoolyard. In its decision, the 
court held that an obligation to pay for 
things arises only for those things in 
society for which we normally pay. An 
obligation to pay for friendship, for the 
pleasure of dining together and for 
accepting tokens of friendship was, in 
the court's words, “too crass.” In other 
words, said the court, friendship, like 
virtue, should be its own reward. 


result: irreversible damage to both the 
environment and public health. 

Those who feel that the Three Mile Is- 
land incident was not disastrous should 
read the section on T.M.I. in Secret Fall- 
out, by Dr. Ernest Sternglass. A research 
team led by Dr. Sternglass found that the 
mortality rate for infants under two years 
of age rose substantially in areas to which 
the wind blew radioactive effluence follow- 
ing the accident. A research committee 
later lowered that rate by including in its 
estimates the entire surrounding area and 
children older than two years of age. 

Wilkes should investigate the unprec- 
edented dangers of nuclear power rather 
than have blind faith in the propaganda of 
corporate giants. 


Edward Darton 
Ventura, California 


PSALM LIKE IT HOT 

For years, І have believed that unful- 
filled sexual desires, which Jesus called 
lust, cause hate, anger, greed and envy; 
that those sins then cause crime, violence, 
war, unhappiness and disease; but that sex 
can destroy evil. 

Careful reading of the Gospels, prayer 
and meditation have convinced me that 
my creed was taught by Jesus. He never 
condemned sexual activity. The sex-is-sin 
dogma is something the churches got from 
pagan cults. Sexual frustration, or lust, is a 
heinous sin. Sexual desire is not sinful; na- 
ture endowed all creatures with it. The sin 
is in not fulfilling one’s desires by having 
sex whenever and with whomever you 
want, 

Not only the theological arguments but, 
especially, the evidence in history and in 
the behavioral and the social scicnces sug- 
gest that permissive societies are peaceful 
and sexually repressive periods and cul- 
tures are violent, warlike and crime- 
ridden. 

Tf lust is the cause of war, we must 
destroy it with sex, or the war will destroy 
us. 

Reverend Donald Jackson 
San Francisco, California 


YES 

Chicago, October 1976. Returning to 
her apariment, Miss W. found a man who 
had entered by battering down a wall and 
who had then raped her roommate and 
thrown her out the l5th-story window. 
When Miss W. drew a gun, the attacker 
fled. 

Could even the most avid supporter of 
restrictive firearms legislation be pleased 
that Miss W. was arrested for unauthor- 
ized possession of a handgun? Or fail to 
feel relief when the charges against her 
were dropped “in the interest of justice"? 

The fundamental question in banning 
handguns is *Do we really want to put 
Miss W. and others like her in jail for keep- 
ing handguns?” Could such a law be fairly 
or ellectively enforced against the perhaps 
30,000,000 honest and responsible citizens 


who could be expected to defy such a ban? 
Can any government that wants to main- 
tain a claim of legitimacy afford to alienate 
a large proportion of its otherwise law- 
abiding citizens who believe (rightly or 
wrongly) that they have both an urgent 
need for, and a constitutional right to own, 
guns to protect their families? 
S. Wolf 
Missoula, Montana 


FRIENDLY FIRE 

As a Vietnam veteran, [ marvel over the 
United States’ condemnation of the Rus- 
sians’ reported use of “yellow rain” in 
Afghanistan. The Government and the 
US. press are quick to condemn the 
Soviets for practicing chemical warfare 
while ignoring the rattling skeletons in 
their own closets. 

From 1962 to 1970, the U.S. military 
sprayed more than 44,000,000 pounds 
of chemicals, primarily Agent Orange, 
over Vietnam. Designed to defoliate the 
countryside and facilitate the spotting of 
enemy troops, Agent Orange contained 
dioxin, the most deadly poison known to 
man. 

Since signs of the toxicity of dioxin were 
evident as early as 1949, the Government's 
plea of ignorance of its dire effects is hol- 
low. It did, in fact, ignore its own studies, 
choosing, instead, to take the word of Dow 
Chemical, the main producer of Agent 
Orange, that the substance was not harm- 
ful to people or the environment. 

Among the victims of this aerial 
spraying (which covered more than 
1,200,000 acres in 1968), of course, were 
our own troops, as well as our allies in 
South Vietnam. The plethora of concrete 
evidence that dioxin exposure causes birth 
defects, liver damage, cancer and chromo- 
some alteration has only moved our Gov- 
ernment to snafu Vietnam veterans’ 
attempts to receive treatment and to bury 
the issue under a mountain of red tape and 
self-serving legal double talk. 

It was not bad enough for the U.S. to 
wage chemical warfare on its own troops 
and allies in Vietnam. Agent Orange is 
now in use on more than 2,000,000 acres of 
Western range land, rice fields in Arkan- 
sas, forests in Maine and utility lines and 
railroad tracks all over the United States. 
The toothless Environmental Protection 
Agency has attempted to stop the use of 
dioxin, but Dow Chemical has a strong 
ally: the U.S. Department of Agriculture. 

So, before we condemn the Soviets? use 
of chemical warfare on insurgents in 
Afghanistan, I suggest we take а long look 
in our own back yard. At least the Rus- 
sians have the sense not to spray yellow 
rain on their own people. 

Andy J. McClure 
Waterbury, Connecticut 


BRIBING AN OFFICER 

About two years ago, I was pulled over 
by the Michigan State Police for speeding 
and was jusily ticketed. A girlfriend who 


happened to be with me at the time half- 
teasingly asked the officer if he would dis- 
regard the matter if she promised to 
purchase a ticket to a policemen ball. He 
replied, “State troopers don’t have balls, 
miss.” As we both laughed hysterically. 
he turned red in the face, realizing what he 
had said, stomped off to his patrol car and 
made the tires squeal as he left. 

1 am now serving a 30-day sentence in 
jail for neglecting to pay that ticket, but I 
can't help feeling that I got the last laugh. 

Gregory К. Pitts 
Bay City, Michigan 


DRUG STRATEGY 

A television report on the epidemic of 
heroin addiction in West Germany 
spired me to do some thinking on the sub- 
ject. It seems apparent that harsh criminal 
penalties are not the solution to the drug 
problem and may even exaggerate it by 
legal drugs highly profitable for 
inal dealer and psychologically 
attractive to a maladjusted element of soci- 
ety. The glamor and the profit of drugs 
might have been avoided through a Brit- 
ish-style medical approach (the govern- 
ment can take the fun out of anvthing!), 
but it’s probably too late for that; once a 
drug culture is established, a few heroin- 
maintenance clinics only become another 
source of supply. т wondering if the only 
remedy left isn’t some fairly drastic form 
cf civil commitment that supplies free her- 
oin under medical supervision. I'm not 
sure how such a system would or could be 
administered, but I’m convinced that the 
only solution to addiction is eliminating 
the enormous criminal profits involved in 
supplying drugs and replacing the “under- 
ground” lifestyle connected with buying 
and using them. 


Richard Е. Adams 
London, England 


POOR DICK’S ALMANAC 

As you know, over the years, various 
observations have been made to prognosti- 
cate the severity of the winter, ranging 
from the density of the corn silk in August 
to the heaviness of the fur on caterpillars in 
September. 

As a urologist of many years’ experi- 
ence, I have noticed that if we are going to 
have a very cold winter, in the fall, the 
foreskins are very thick and heavy. If a 
mild winter is in order, the foreskins 
change little, if at all, from their summer 
condition, 

1 hope that this will help many of your 
readers prepare for the coming months. 

Michael Greenfield, M.D. 
Danbury, Connecticut 


"The Playboy Forum" offers the opportu- 
nity for an extended dialog between readers 
and editors on contemporary issues. Address 
all correspondence to The Playboy Forum, 
Playboy Building, 919 North Michigan Ave- 
nue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. 


YOU DON’T 


Introducing a motor- 
cycle that’s a cut above 
the rest. 

The Shadow™500. 

One look shows you 
that this bike was born 
of tradition. 

A closer look shows 
you that it’s gone far 
beyond that tradition. 

The Shadow's V-twin 
power plant is liquid- 
cooled. So you can run 


ALWAYS WEAR A HELMET AND EYE PROTECTION. Specifications and 
Por a free brochure, see your Honda dealer, Or write: American Honda, Dept. 582, Вох 


it hard all day and never 
miss a beat. 

Andit's equipped with 
features like a specially 
designed crankshaft 
to reduce vibration. 
Giving you mile after 
mile of comfortable 
cruising. 

The Shadow also 
comes with our 
exclusive 3-valve 
twin plug cylinder 


availability subject to ol 
9000, Van Nuys, СА #1409. 


without notice, ©1683 American Honda Motor do, Inc. 


ЗЕ BIG TO BE BAD. 


heads. A design which 
allows a whopping 10.5:1 
compression ratio, more 
efficient combustion and 
31 ft/lbs of torque. 
In street talk that 
means you get all the 
pavement scorching 
power you'll ever 
бе 4 


“Power, which * 


is delivered 


bad can be. 


16 inch rear tire through 
our virtually mainte- 
nance-free shaft drive. 
Performance, tech- 
nology and styling at a. 
price that's chopped as 
beautifully as the bike 
itself: A mere $2,298* 
The Shadow 500. 
One ride and you'll 
know just how good 


„ 


FOLLOW THE LEADER 


“Based on manufacturers suggested retall Ist price: Actual price may vary. 


Ses m dn Tm, build a wherry, the men of fhe Outer 

ыу, «oo Hebrides need a strong hand, a gentle touch 
: Hd and'nary a blueprint, Which is hardly surprising, - 
„ They have generations of Scottish shi каш 5 
behind them. And some, 
over half a century of. 
» practice. The good things 

in life = that way. 


EWARS, 
"White Label: ; 


never vari 


BLENDED SCOTCH WHISKY = 86.8 PROOF. Authen 


©1983 SCHENEEY IMPORTS:GO.. N Y“ NY: ‘The Dewar en ШС 


mores. ANSEL ADAMS 


a candid conversation with america’s “photographer laureate” and environmentalist 
about arl, natural beauty and the unnatural acts of interior secretary james watt 


The Citation of the Presidential Medal of 
Freedom awarded him by President Jimmy 
Carter in 1980 probably says it best: 


Alone with the power of the American 
landscape and renowned for the patient 
skill and timeless beauty of his work, 
photographer Ansel Adams has been 
visionary in his efforts to preserve this 
country's wild and scenic areas, both on 
film and on earth. Drawn to the beauty 
of nature's movement, he is regarded by 
environmentalisis as a monument him 
self and by photographers as a national. 
institution. It is through his foresight 
and fortitude that so much of America 
has been saved for fulure Americans, 


As America’s photographer laureate, Ansel 
Adams has made contributions to a relatively 
young art form that are hard to measure. 
Since he took his first snapshot in Yosemite 
National Park with a Kodak Brownie box 
camera in 1916, he has worked with the 
rapidly changing medium, developing his 
ability to create stunning images with light, 
film and creative vision. 

When he began, photography was mostly a 
hobbyist's novelty; on a climbing expedition, 
he snapped photos of his companions and the 
place at which they set up camp for the night. 


“The external world has nothing but shapes, 
but we see form, weight, balance and values. 
We also see and feel more esoteric and 
intangible things. I want to take pholographs 
that have all that in them." 


But he soon realized that photographs could 
be more: They could capture his emotion, a 
greater vision, rather than simply record a 
scene. As he learned the craft necessary 10 
accomplish that creative photography, his 
hobby became a fine art. Since then, many of 
his images, parücularly those of California's. 
Sierra Nevada range and the U.S, South- 
west, are among the best known in photogra- 
phy. More than 1,000,000 copies of his 
books, including portfolios and a technical 
series, have been sold, and more than 5000 
students have attended his workshops. In 
addition, his revolutionary Zone System of 
exposure calculation is now virtually а pre- 
requisite to any serious study of photography. 

But the proof, of course, is in the prints, 
and Adams’ are remarkable for the variety of 
emotions they can convey lo a wide public: 
His “Aspens, Northern New Mexico” evokes 
serenity; “Clearing Winter Storm, Yosemite 
Valley” suggests rebirth; “Frozen Lake and 
Cliffs, Sequoia National Park" suggests a 
kind of mysticism; “Monolith, the Face of 
Half Dome" reveals, beyond the power of the 
granite mass, both passion and a sense of 
purpose; and his most famous photograph, 


“Moonrise, Hernandez, New Mexico,” is still 


ominous and chilling nearly half a century 
after it was taken. 


“The Administration has the same concept of 
Чапа use that the Russians have: that nation- 
al parks and forests and the enjoyment of na- 
lure are bourgeois indulgences. There is no 
Sierra Club in Russia.” 


Adams’ frequent trips to photograph the 
mountains and the coast line, rocks in a 
stream or the sunlight on an oak stump were 
part of his passionate love for the natural 
world. But over the years, he заш the wilder 
ness threatened and the natural resources 
depleted, so became increasingly supportive 
of—then vociferously active in—the move- 
ment to protect America’s land, air and water. 

He served on the board of the Sierra Club 
for 37 years. “It's hard to tell which has 
shaped the other more, Ansel Adams or the 
Sierra Club," David Brower, first executive 
director of the club, has said. Although 
Adams quit the club in the early Seventies, his 
environmentally related activity has been in- 
creasingly vigorous. 

The current Administration in Washing- 
ton has incited his considerable anger; in 
President Reagan's policies, he perceives “the 
greatest threat to our environment ever.” He 
writes letters of protest on his word processor, 
telephones politicians and fires up others to 
work in the environmental movement. His 
attacks on Reagan’s Secretary of the Interior, 
James Watt, have received so much attention 
that Watt was asked about the “thunderous 
denunciations of his policies by Ansel 
Adams.” Watt replied with a shrug, “Ansel 
Adams never took a picture with a hitman 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY KERRY MORRIS 


“1 don't think many bodies are really very 
attractive when they're photographed. Га 
rather keep my eyes shut. You try to make them 
look better in eLavnoy, but they're probably all 
greased up and touched up.” 


PLAYBOY 


being in it in his life.” Adams’ friend photog- 
rapher James Alinder responded, “James 
Watt is no better historian of photography 
than Secretary of the Interior. Ansel Adams 
has not only made pictures of people, but his 
portraits form a major part of his photo- 
graphic production.” In fact, the Carter 
Administration broke with tradition by hav- 
ing the Presidential portrait done not by а 
painter but by a photographer—Adams. 
Although the break with tradition was highly 
criticized, the Polaroid photo now hangs in 
the National Portrait Gallery in Washington. 

Bom in San Francisco in 1902, Adams 
lives with a reminder of his first encounter 
with the power of nature: a crooked nose he 
has refused to fix, the result of the great earth. 
quake of 1906, which threw four-year-old 
Ansel into a brick wall. “The doctor told me to 
wait until 1 matured to have it fixed. Since I 
never matured, the nose remains,” he laughs. 
That and his now-white beard have become 
trademarks. Of the beard, he says, “The last 
time I was clean-shaven was in 1930 or so. I 
had come back from a month-long trip in the 
high country of Yosemite and there were god- 
awful things growing in there, so I decided to 
cul it off. But when my friends saw me, they 
said, ‘Please grow it back.’ So I did." 

In his youth, Adams was primarily in- 
terested in music, and he had become an 
accomplished pianist by the time he decided to 
experiment with photography. Now, although 
Beethoven is often heard on his elaborate 
stereo system, Adams can no longer be per- 
suaded to sit down at his baby grand; arthritis 
has made playing too painful. 

When he decided to take photography 
seriously, he soon learned that it was impossi- 
ble to earn a living doing the creative work he 
enjoyed most. For years, he supported his wife 
and two children by photographing every 
thing from china and baked goods to women's 
corseis. "I learned more from the bread-and- 
butler photography than from any other 
source,” he says. The financial picture has 
changed, of course. When a print of his 
“Moonrise, Hernandez, New Mexico” sold 
for $71,500—the most ever paid for a photo- 
‘graph—Adams cracked, “Don't they know 
I'm not dead yet?" 

At 8l, he's still feisty; we thought it was 
time to take stock of his life and contributions. 
Victoria and David Sheff, whose last interview 
assignment for ri arne was with Billy Joel in 
May 1982 (Dawid also interviewed John 
Lennon and Yoko Ono memorably in Janu- 
ary 1981), were tapped for the assignment. 
Their report: 

“When we read that Adams had had some 
sort of heart failure and a Pacemaker had 
been installed, we were concerned. that he 
might not be up to the rigors of a long inter- 
view. We called him at his house in Carmel, 
California, and inquired solicitously about 
his health. Impatiently, he cut us off: ‘So 
when do you want to start the interview?” 

“It was only two weeks after the Pacemaker 
operation and he was already on a formidable 
schedule. He was spending his mornings in 


the darkroom, preparing prints for two books 
in progress: his autobiography and a techni- 
cal book on prints. Afier the darkroom ses- 
sions, he sat down at his word processor to 
write until lunchtime. He was supposed to 
rest afler lunch, but he inevitably sneaked 
back to the word processor over the protests of 
Virginia, his wife of 55 years. After that, il 
was time for the interview sessions, which 
somehow always managed to stretch into the 
cocktail hour їп the evening. 

“Cocktail hour is a tradition at the Adams 
home. 105 an informal, salonlike gathering 
that has, Adams explains, gone on for as long. 
as he can remember. In the early days, house 
guests such as Georgia O'Keeffe and Diego 
Rivera aud friends such as Edward Weston, 
Imogen Cunningham, Paul Strand, John 
Marin, Dorothea Lange, Maynard Dixon, 
Robinson Jeffers and Mary Austin would 
join Ansel and Virginia for conversation. 
More recently, guests have included Gerald. 
Ford, Alan Cranston, Garry Trudeau, Jane 
Pauley, Alistair Cooke and Arthur Ashe. 

“Some of the best moments of the ‘Playboy 
Interview’ occurred over Virginia's dry mar- 
tinis and hors d'oeuvres. But each evening, 
weather permitting, conversation stopped for 


“People have always had 
the urge to keep a diary. 
We used to write 
reminiscences and 
letters. Now we take 
pictures.” 


а moment as the sun dipped into the Pacific. 
We all gathered around the huge picture win- 
dow with a westerly exposure to witness the 
elusive ‘green flash,’ a spectacle only the 
trained eye can see. When it came, Adams 
broke into а wide grin and turned lo us. 
"Well?! he asked. But we shook our heads; 
‘we'd missed И once again. 

"One more point: If it sounds as if Adams 
is so wrapped up in his art and in the en- 
vironment thal he has no time for a bit of fun 
and games, we feel obliged to point out that 
his old Cadillac, with license plates that read, 
ZONE v, is equipped with a horn that Мам out 
"La. Marseillaise’ and dozens of other selec- 
tions. It's quite an experience [o see Adams 
nearly invisible behind the wheel of his huge 
car, with the French national anthem blaring 
cheerily as he pulls into his driveway. 

“On the other hand, his eyes took on a 
dangerous glitter when we asked him about 
Secretary of the Interior Wall. As the discus- 
sion lurned from photography to the environ- 
ment, he warned, ‘Now the sparks will fly. 
And, indeed, they did. We began the int 
view, however, with a discussion of his art, 


and were not surprised Ihat some sparks flew 
there as well." 


PLAYBOY: There are cameras in more than 
93 percent of American homes, and most 
of us probably think we can take a decent 
picture. What's the difference between 
what we do and what you do? 

ADAMS: People have always had the urge 
to keep a diary. We used to write reminis- 
cences and letters. Now we take pictures. 
On kseiving with Grandmother, on 
vacation in the mountains, the babv's first 
steps. The pictures are a visual diary. 
They are reminders of the experience. 
That is how most people use their cam- 
eras. But when you are trying to make a 
statement that goes beyond the subject, it 
another domain. 

PLAYBOY: And that constitutes the diffe: 
ence between a snapshot and ari? 
ADAMS: That’s right. I don’t condemn a 
snapshot for what it is. I do, however, ob- 
ject to people's making a snapshot and 
then imposing an aesthetic value on it. It is 
not immoral or unethical, it's just rather 
unreasonable. The same thing goes for 
many photographs from the 1860s, 1870s 
and 1880s that people insist on calling art 
‘Those photographs are mostly just records 
of events and landscapes which are, of 
course, important in themselves. That 
docs not make them art or imply aesthetic 
intentions, however. There arc a few ex- 
amples of their work that have another 
kind of vision in it—or you think you sce 
it. That is a distinction between capturing 
an inspired moment on film and the shal- 
low qualities of mere scenery 

PLAYBOY: How do you define scenery? 
ADAMS: Scenery just means the concentra- 
tion on subject as is, without creative 
imagination or visualization of the final 
image. When someone goes to a national 
park and stands at a “picture place” and 
points his camera and clicks the shutter, he 
is photographing scenery. It’s a fairly sub- 
Ue distinction, difficult (о describe. You 
can talk around it, as you can talk around 
music—technically, scientifically, histor- 
ically, as gossip—but only the music can 
actually tell you what the music is. 

ГЇЇ explain it this way: Both William 
Henry Jackson and Edward Weston 
photographed the American West exten- 
sively. But in my opinion, only Weston's 
photographs qualify as art. Jackson, for all 
his devotion to the subject, was recording 
the scene. Weston, on the other hand, was 
actually creating something new. In his 
work, subject is of secondary importance 
to the total photograph. Similarly, whilc 
the landscapes that I have photographed 
in Yosemite are recognized by most 
people and, of course, the subject is an im- 
portant part of the pictures, they are not 
“realistic.” Instead, they are an imprint of 
my visualization. All of my pictures are 
optically very accurate I use pretty good 
lenses—but they are quite unrealistic in 
terms of values. A more realistic simple 
snapshot captures the image but misses 


— 
INTRODUCING A HIGH-PERFORMANCE TV THAT'LL ТАКЕ ALL YOU CAN GIVE IT. 


— (FOR THE STORY BEHIND THE HEADLINE, TURN THE PAGE.) 


INTRODUCING AHIGH-PERFORMANCE TV | 
THAT'LL ТАКЕ ALL YOU CAN GIVE IT. 


There's a whole new world of video prod- 
ucts out there. And now RCA has a television 
designed specifically to work with them. 
Designed to improve the picture and sound 
performance you get from them. To make 
them easier to hook up. And easier to use. 

The SelectaVision Video Monitor works 
wonders as a high-performance television 
receiver, with our most advanced color pic- 
ture and 127-channel tuning including cable. 
(The model shown actually fits 25" of pic- 
ture, measured diagonally, in the space of a 
19"set) Yetas a home video "nerve center," 
it also does things conventional TV's can't. 

15 rear input/output jacks allow you to 
bypass the set's antenna circuitry and plug 
RCA and other video and audio components 
like the system shown—directly into the 


chassis. That meansa sharper picture from 
video tapes and videodiscs. That also means 
clean, dependable hookup with jacks in- 
stead of nerve-jangling wiring. 

And, you can run the whole show with 
our 17-function remote control-switching 
instantly from broadcast to video tape to 
videodisc. Or to live camera surveillance. 

You can even hear better sound, because 
audio jacks permit direct hookup to your own 
stereo system. That's flexibility no ordinary 
Т\ сап even approach. For more information 
and a free copy of the “Living With Video" 
book ($2.50 retail value), write: RCA Con- 
sumer Electronics, Dept. #32-312B, P.O. 
Box 1976, Indianapolis, Indiana 46206. Then 
ask your RCA dealer for a demonstration. 
You'll see why we say... 


WE'LL OPEN YOUR EYES. 


everything else. I want a picture to reflect 
not only the forms but what I had seen and 
felt at the moment of exposure. 

PLAYBOY: Give us an example. 

ADAMS: My Moonrise, Hernandez, New 
Mexico has the emotion and the feeling 
that the experience of seeing the actual 
moonrise created in me, but it is not at all 
realistic. Merely clicking the camera and 
making a simple print from the negative 
would have created a wholly different— 
and ordinary—photograph. People have 
asked me why the sky is so dark, thinking 
exactly in terms of the literal. But the dark 
sky is how it felt. 

When photographer Alfred Stieglitz was 
asked by some skeptic, rather scornfully, 
“How do you make a creative photo- 
graph?" he answered, "I go out into the 
world with my camera and come across 
something that excites me emotionally, 
spiritually or aesthetically. I see the image 
in my mind's eye. I make the photograph 
and print it as the equivalent of what I saw 
and felt.” That describes it well. What he 
called seeing in the mind's eye, I call 
visualization. In my mind's eye, I am 
visualizing how a particular revelation of 
sight and feeling will appear on a print. If 
I am looking at you, I can continue to sce 
you as a person, but I am also in the habit 
of shifting from that consciously dimen- 
sional presence to a photograph, relating 
you in your surroundings to an image in 
my mind. If what I sec in my mind excites 
me, there is а good chance it will make a 
good photograph. It is an intuitive sense 
and also an ability that comes from a lot of 
practice. Some people never can get it. 
PLAYBOY: Was photography always more 
than just picture taking to you? 

ADAMS: When I started out as a kid—14 
years old—I had a box Brownie and I just 
took snaps. On my first trips into the 
mountains, I was taking snapshots, rec- 
ords of the visits, which I would pore over 
in the winter, just waiting for the next 
summer to come. As timc went on, howcv- 
ег, I saw things better, more intensely. In 
my first photographs, from 1919 and 1920 
or so, I photographed the ground near 
wherc I had laid out my sleeping bag, my 
companions and the mountains I had 
climbed; that's all. Two years later, I was 
obviously beginning to see more of a rela- 
tionship between the subject and the en- 
vironment. In those pictures, there are the 
bag, the rock and the people but also the 
sense of space. Several years later, I began 
to see that maybe the rock and the tree and 
the tree shadows—each object—had cer- 
tain relationships and values. I wasn’t 
using words to describe it; it was more of a 
feeling. Finally, after really going into 
photography deeply, I became very sensi- 
tive to relative shapes in terms of relative 
forms. I might have the same place, the 
same rock, the tree with its dead branches 
and a shadow of the same kind of branch 
on the ground, ‘This time, the whole thing 
began to move. I was actually making pic- 
tures with a certain vision in them. The ex- 


ternal world has nothing but shapes, but 
we see form, weight, balance and values. 
We also see and feel more esoteric and 
intangible things. I want to take photo- 
graphs that have all that in them. Know- 
ing it and accomplishing it, though, are 
two quite different things. 

PLAYBOY: When did you know you could 
accomplish it? 

ADAMS: I had my first visualization while 
photographing Half Dome in Yosemite in 
1927. It was a remarkable experience. Aft- 
er a long day with my camera, I had only 
two photographic plates left. found my- 
self staring at Half Dome, facing the 
monolith, seeing and feeling things that 
only the photograph itself can tell you. I 
took the first exposure and, somehow, I 
knew it was inadequate. It did not capture 
what I was feeling. It was not going to 
reflect the tremendous experience. Then, 
to use Stieglitz’ expression, I saw in my 
mind’s eye what the picture should look 
like and I realized how I must get it. I put 
оп a rcd filter and figured out the exposure 
correctly, and I succeeded! When I made 
the prints, it proved my concept was cor- 
rect. The first exposure came out just all 
right. It was 2 good photograph, but it in 
no way had thc spirit and excitement I had 
felt. The second was Monolith, the Face of 
Half Dome, which speaks for itself. 
PLAYBOY: As you became more adept at 
seeing, composing and making better im- 
ages, were you also becoming interested in 
photography as an art form? 

ADAMS: Yes, but it wasn’t until I saw Paul 
Strand’s work in 1930 that 1 knew photog- 
raphy would be more than a hobby for me. 
Reproductions in those days were pretty 
awful. Worse, at the time, the popular 
photography was the horrible “pictorial” 
stuff, which I deeply resented. Until I saw 
Strand’s photographs, I was primarily in- 
terested in music. His convinced me. I felt 
those works. As Sticglitz once said, “Art is 
the affirmation of life.” The Strand photo- 
graphs were life-affirming and inspiring. 
PLAYBOY: Besides Strand, who were your 
carly influences? 

ADAMS: It’s hard to say, because you don’t 
know or recall what your subconscious 
absorbs, The pervasive pictorial photogra- 
phy was a negative influence. I knew what 
I did not want to do. The influences on my 
standards came more from music and 
literature than from photography. As Ou- 
spensky said, “All art is an expression of 
the same thing.” So I did have certain 
standards, standards of taste. .. If I seca 
lousy lamp shade, it revolts me. When I 
have to describe why it is lousy, that's 
another thing. It’s simply lousy in terms of 
my own experience. 

PLAYBOY: Don’t you believe there are stand- 
ards that can apply to all photography? 
ADAMS: I think there are, but it’s very 
tricky. One photographer I know is almost 
diabolically concerned with making poor 
images. The prints are terrible and the 
compositions are dreadful—the horizons 
aren't straight and all is very casual and 


haphazard. However, his subjects have a 
very definite human interest street 
scenes, families, bars. If they were pre- 
sented simply as slices of human experi- 
ence, that would be finc. But when they 
are mounted and put on a wall behind 
glass, they immediately take on the 
appearance of being more than they are. 
"The photographer becomes the “in” thing, 
critics applaud, prices shoot up and books 
are bound. To me, the emperor still has no 
clothes. And I particularly resent the in- 
tentional lack of craft. The painter Arp is 
often misquoted as having said, “If I say 
it’s art, it's art.” In fact, Гат told, he said, 
“If say it’s art, it’s art fo me." The first is 
a very arrogant, belligerent statement. 
The sccond simply states that art is per- 
sonal and subjective. Well, you may say a 
photograph that is very carelessly com- 
posed and executed is art, but to me it is 
bad craft and little more than that. On the 
other hand, art, to me, is what strikes me 
in some very special way. 

When we look at old art, we arc sccing 
with a contemporary eye. We have no idea 
how it looked when it was made, what the 
maker intended. We look at the old Indian 
Tugs and pots and consider them as art. 
Well, they were originally ceremonial and 
religious. We don’t know whether or not 
the Indians had any so-called aesthetic 
sense. We may bc reading something into 
them, something that relates to our par- 
ticular awareness and sensibi 
times, there’s undue praise gi 
just because they are old and unique and 
rare. Rembrandt is one example. Гуе nev- 
er been happy with his work, at least not 
with the paintings. Some of the etchings 
are marvelous, but I just feel that there’s 
something in most of the paintings that is 
very repetitive. Aristotle with a Bust of 
Homer, the one the Metropolitan bought 
for $2,000,000— I think that's a terrible 
painting. But it's Rembrandt, so it's 
almost sacrilegious to say that. On the 
other hand, I think Norman Rockwell, aft- 
er 100 years, will be viewed as a historical 
painter. He was a very fine craftsman and, 
at the moment, we may think his tastes 
corny and impossible, but we don’t know 
what will happen in 100 years. They'll say 
his work represented his time and an aes- 
thetic will be built up around it. 

PLAYBOY: You mentioned being influenced 
by literaturc. Naturalist John Muir wrote 
about the same parts of the West that you 
photographed. Was he an inspiration? 

ADAMS: I read his works, but I wasn't 
affected. Muir's ideals please me, but little 
of his text does. I mean, it is not great liter- 
ature. People have seen Thoreau in my 
pictures, too, but he’s always bothered me 
He was a little positive and didactic, some- 
what like Emerson. The poctry I like best 
is the poetry that sounds the best. I don't 
react to Shakespeare; to me, it’s all rather 
bombastic and very contrived. To be hon- 
est, my reaction is, Why spend so much 
time with such a dismal bunch of people? 
Besides, it’s glib. I admit that some of his 


THE ART OF ANSEL ADAMS 


Four of Ansel Adoms’ best-loved photos: Below, Moonrise, Hernandez, New Mexico, 
1941; top right, Monolith, the Face of Half Dome, 1927, taken in Yosemite 
Nationol Pork; center right, MI. McKinley ond Wonder Loke, 1947, а view of Alos- 
ko's Mt. McKinley National Pork; bottom right, Aspens, New Mexico, 1958. 


If you want a smoother vodka, 
for itin 


FROM GRA 


1873-19 - 1024 * 


том. | 


IMPORT 
ORPORATION NY. NY. 


== 
2 


Burroughs: The English word for vodka. 


RAND с 


Now the English 
have done for vodka what 


they've always donc for gin. 


sonnets are beautiful, but I just get bored. 
For me, nothing happens. Now, I may be a 
complete ass for saying this, but I have to 
be honest with you. If you say it happens 
for you when it doesn't, you're a damn liar. 
"That's the terrible thing that happens in 
art. You're supposed to enjoy Rembrandt, 
you're supposed to enjoy Shakespeare. Un- 
fortunately, many people enjoy them be- 
cause they’re supposed to. Now, I love 
Milton. I don’t believe in anything he 
writes about, but his works have such 
beautiful construction. Same with Robin- 
son Jeffers. Beautiful structure and sound. 
PLAYBOY: What place does craft have in the 
discussion of the art of photography? 
ADAMS: Being a musician, Ї have to know 
my notes. If I gave a concert and didn’t 
know them, I'd be tomatoed off the stage. 
Even the free-form music, if it’s any good, 
is based on craft, repeatable craft. The 
other stuff—well, it is here today, gone 
tomorrow. Most people who are painting, 
photographing, performing are not artists. 
They are doing something else. 

Take the many photographers of the 
dust-bow! period of the Thirties and the 
photographers who worked in the farm- 
resettlement project—what most people 
consider documentarists. There are quite a 
lot of good images from that period, but 
Dorothea Lange’s are outstanding among 
them. The difference is a magical thing, 
something poetic, the difference in percep- 
tion, a more acute transfer of emotions. 
PLAYBOY: Afier you saw Strand’s prints 
and decided to become a photographer 
were you successful right away? 

ADAMS: I had previously met a man named 
Albert Bender, a San Francisco art patron, 
at a party. He said he liked my pictures 
and wanted to see my portfolio. Well, I 
didn’t have a portfolio, so I put together 
some of my mountain pictures and I 
showed them to him the next morning. He 
enthusiastically went to work and raised 
$6000 from friends, which was enough 
money to make all the prints and produce 
a portfolio in those days. Before that, I had 
sold very few prints. I gave them away to 
my friends. I'd maybe sold some fuzzy- 
wuzzies of juniper trees in Yosemite for ten 
dollars around 1920. That was it. I sold a 
few things to the Sierra Club people later 
in the Twenties, but Bender's support 
allowed me to develop my craft. With that 
money, I completed Taos Pueblo, my book 
of photographs of that subject in New 
Mexico, with a monograph by Mary Aus- 
tin. It received a great deal of attention. 


ly 1930 and 1931, the importance 
of straight photography hit me. I worked 
on my technique and, eventually, I met 
others who were similarly interested in 
that kind of photography, including Wil- 

Dyke and Imogen Cunningham, 
We kept yakking it up and decided we 
should do something about it. We were all 
fired up with the new aesthetic. Willard 
and I were particularly eager to do some- 
thing about it and, with Weston, Imogen, 


Henry Swift, Sonia Noskowiak and John 
Paul Edwards, we formed a group called 
1/64, which turned out to be a very impor- 
tant movement in photography. We felt we 
ought to get together and issue a visual 
manifesto—that was a big term. It was a 
whole new vision, a whole new aesthetic of 
photography. It was the crest of a wave. 
PLAYBOY: What was the philosophy of 
Group f/642 

ADAMS: It was devotion to the straight 
print, paper surfaces without textures that 
would conflict with the image texture. It 
was a belief in sharpness throughout the 
photograph. Good craft, in other words. 
F/64 is a small stop on the camera that 
gives great depth of field and sharpness. It 
was the concentration on images that were 
not sentimental or allegorical. It was а 
reaction, a strong reaction against the pic- 
torialists, who were working their heads off 
to make a photograph look like anything 
but a photograph. In an attempt to be 
creative, they were retouching and diffus- 
ing the images. Hidcous stuff! They were 
the ones Weston called the fuzzy-wuzzies. 
They would go out into the street and find 
some old bum with a matted beard, and 
they'd get a tablet of Braille and make the 
old man put his fingers on the Braille. 
They would place him in an old chair, 
looking up through a cloud of cigarette 
smoke that was illuminated by a spotlight. 
The title would be Mine Eyes Have Seen the 
Glory. That must have been done a 
thousand times. There were also 
nudes. Those photographs were ho! 
contrived, shallow works, terrible 
moods—just terrible stuff that completely 
lacked creative intensity, the very thing we 
were so excited about. 

PLAYBOY: So {/64 was a reaction against 
that. What did the group accomplish? 
ADAMS: Well, it led to my first one-man 
show, in 1932, at the M. H. de Young 
Memorial Museum in San Francisco. 
People reacted strangely, They didn’t 
understand that kind of photography. The 
criticisms were actually very funny, since 
my work was completely new for most 
people, who had seen only the pictorialists’ 
photographs. The average person had not 
seen any photograph that had a sharp, 
precise image with a glossy surface. People 
scratched their heads and said, “This 
doesn’t seem to have any art quality—or 
does it?” And there were more letters to 
the museum director, saying, “What is 
photography doing in an art museum?” 
The same thing happened when I got 
the photography department going at the 
California School of Fine Arts, now the 
San Francisco Art Institute. The painters 
were moaning, “They're taking space 
away from artists.” 

PLAYBOY: You’ve referred to Stieglitz. How 
did you meet him? 

ADAMS: In 1933, a year after we started 
1/64, I traveled to New York specifically to 
meet him. When I arrived, he joked, “I’ve 
heard about that Group 064 you've got 
out there. Well, I'm {/128.” In fact, he was 


very sympathetic to what [/64 was trying 
to do. We got along very well, and after 
that first meeting, we kept in touch. Every 
time I went to New York, I took him my 
newest prints, Finally, he said, “We have 
to show these.” At the time, Stieglitz was 
one of the most important movers and 
shakers in the art world. He was one of the 
few real taste makers. Among many other 
accomplishments, he introduced Rodin 
and Matisse to America and promoted 
such American artists as John Marin, 
Georgia O’Keeffe and Arthur Dove. Не 
was unique in that he didn’t differentiate 
between painting and photography—it 
was all art. 

PLAYBOY: How did New York react to 
Ansel Adams’ art? 

ADAMS: It was very gratifying. With Stieg- 
lit⸗ support, the show was a great success. 
PLAYBOY: You were instrumental in getting 
photography accepted as an art at 
museums and universities. Almost half a 
century later, do you think it is accepted as 
legitimate art? 

ADAMS: For the most part, but there are 
still people who are hard to convince, I’m 
afraid. There is a peculiar animosity be- 
tween painters and photographers. Uni- 
versity budgets are being cut, so painters 
in an art department will argue that they 
deserve more than the photography de- 
partment, on the grounds that photogra- 
phy is a lesser art. It's crazy. Well, that’s a 
typical result of all the budget cuts. [Lifts 
his martini] Thank you, Mr. Reagan. 
[Under his breath] Га like to drown him in 
here! [Laughs] Oh, my! That went on 
tape. To the FBI, if you're listening: That 
was only a figure of speech. He wouldn't fit 
into my martini. 

PLAYBOY: With all the automation we have 
now, it's easy to forget what a primitive 
medium you worked in. 

ADAMS: Yes. It was all trial and error and 
experience. People worked like dogs until 
they got what they wanted. Unless they 
knew what the desired values were and 
really knew what the film would do, they 
were helpless. In the early days, I remem- 
ber, Га take maybe four, five pictures ofa 
subject. I'd take one that I hoped was 
right, but I wasn't sure, so Pd go up and 
down the exposure scale a couple of half 
stops and take a few more and then pick 
the best one. The meters gave only average 
readings. Not until the S.E.I. photometer 
came out did you have specific spot-area 
readings, and not until you could under- 
stand a curve could you figure out the 
exposure-density relationship, all necessary 
to have real control. 

PLAYBOY: It’s been acknowledged that 
your Zone System revolutionized photog- 
raphy. How did people react to it? 
ADAMS: A lot of people were confused. 
They thought I was crazy. Edward Wes- 
ton believed in his empirical approach. 
His son, Brett, said, “I can't understand 
it. I trust my eye.” Well, there was many a 
time that his pictures, had he known what 
he was doing, might have been better. 


Basically, people didn’t want to go to the 
trouble of learning the technique. 
PLAYBOY: Can you describe the Zone Sys- 
tem in terms that aren't too technical and 
explain why it was important? 

ADAMS: As Гуе said, I felt there was too 
much left to chance in picture taking and 
there was obviously a need for a proved, 
efficient, repeatable system that could be 
taught to people with individual styles. 
Simplified, the Zone System enables a 
photographer to anticipate and control the 
tonal range of a print. The zones are essen- 
tially shades of gray ranging from black, 
which is zero, to white, which is ten. They 
correspond to exposure settings on the 
camera and can be used to identify the rel- 
ative brightness of separate parts of the 
subject being photographed as they will 
appear on the print. In effect, the Zone 
System is a more accurate extension of the 
visualization I described earlier. 

PLAYBOY: Is it universally applicable? 
ADAMS: Yes; even to color. 

PLAYBOY: Let’s switch to the present for a 
moment. Are you still photographing? 
ADAMS: Yes, after a long hiatus. The prob- 
lem was that over the years, I had 
collected a great number of nega- 
tives—thousands of them—that I had 
never gotten around to printing, due to the 
pressures of my professional work. As I 
slow down physically, Гус been getting 
back to the old negatives. I really have to 
catch up with them. Still, 1 always intend 
to go out and do new work. Now Гуе made 
up my mind that on every possible occa- 
sion, I’m going to go out into the field and 
try to make new photographs. 

PLAYBOY: Do you sce things differently now 
when you look through a view finder? Do 
you look for different things? 

ADAMS: Well, I just go along in the world 
and suddenly sec something that I can 
visualize in a print. Then I work. As Ed- 
ward Weston used to say, if I wait any 
length of time at a certain location, I’m 
probably losing something somewhere 
else. When I know that certain conditions 
are going to change within a very short 
time, I may wait. But to sit and wait for 
something to happen is a waste of time. 
Neither the moments of the vast aspects of 
nature nor the tiny aspects, equally impor- 
tant, will wait or occur more than once. 
PLAYBOY: Let’s talk about the photographs 
themselves. Do you consider the negative 
and the print as separate entities? 

ADAMS: Yes, in the sense that the negative 
is like the composer's score. Then, using 
that musical analogy, the print is the 
performance. Taking the negative first, rc- 
member that the cyc has an amazing abil- 
ity to see details that film cannot capture. 
Film has a very limited range, particularly 
in color. I am working within the limits of 
the materials. Within those limitations, I 
have many controls besides the initial 
composition. Visualizing the print, I know 
what values I feel. I may want to use a 
filter to change a value in a part of the 
scene in relation to another. I determine 


73 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


PLAYBOY 


76 


the appropriate camera settings and tim- 
ing. All these things go through the mind 
automatically, very fast, like a computer. 
When I know what is required to capture 
the visualization on the negative, I also 
know what I will do to the print in the dark- 
room, though in the darkroom, I can ex- 
periment, enhance, embellish. First, 
however, you must get all the information 
you need in the negative. When you have 
it, you can print. 

Now the performance. Just as I have 
great freedom when I perform a Chopin 
scherzo from a printed page, I have great 
freedom making the print. | can't go 
against the basic music, but I can, as [ 
said, enhance it. That is why the pictures I 
make of the same subject over the years 
will be very different. Each one is a felt ex- 
pression that is tied in to the original score, 
the original visualization. A lot of people 
don’t believe that; they feel that photogra- 
phy is rigid, that you capture an image on 
a negative and merely repeat it in the 
print. Well, that is physically impossible 
and, certainly, aesthetically undesirable. 
Each performance is a creation, the crea- 
tion of something new. 

PLAYBOY: When you make a print of an im- 
age you printed 20 or 30 years ago, do you 
intentionally make it different? 

ADAMS: Not intentionally, inevitably. I 
have new ideas, I perceive something new 
in the negative, I discover values. I realize, 
Oh, my, I missed something. I might have 
missed something rather subtle, since I 
have a tendency to print too heavy in order 
to get things really rich and resonant 
tonally. Six months later, I may want to 
say something different. 

PLAYBOY: What are the differences between 
an early Adams print and a later one of the 
same image? 

ADAMS: The more recent prints are less 
timid. The early ones are softer, some 
think more subtle. I have a sharply differ- 
ent vision now. The/results are, perhaps, 
more dramatic. It’s a growth in vision 
or—who knows?—maybe a regression. 
[Chuckles] Anyway, it is different, just as а 
concert artist performs the same piece dif- 
ferently over the years. Quite a number of 
years ago, I heard the New York Chamber 
Music Society orchestra play a Haydn 
piano concerto with Rudolf Serkin as 
soloist. The last movement was particular- 
ly marvelous, and everyone was ecstatic. 
The entire orchestra was called back and 
the last movement was repeated. Serkin 
played it differently; he added a little 
magic to his interpretation, and the audi- 
ence went bonkers. The orchestra came 
back for a second encore, and Serkin 
played the last movement again. And he 
gave it another twist. The rhythm was the 
same, the notes, the phrasing—just cer- 
tain subtleties, a little emphasis here and 
there. Three subtle variations in one eve- 
ning! It was wonderful. Such variations 
arc the artist's privilege. If my newer 
prints appear more bold and dramatic, it 
is because I became more confident and I 


was better at getting what I wanted. 
PLAYBOY: Will you ever change the notes— 
eliminate a part of the negative inten- 
tionally, thereby “improving” on nature? 
ADAMS: Well, you don't improve on na- 
ture; you reveal your impression of nature 
or nature’s impact on you. There is a 
three-dimensional object and some natural 
color in front of you and you're creating a 
two-dimensional object in black and white, 
which in itself is quite an abstraction of 
what you saw. Part of the interpretation 
simply has to do with the sensi- 
tivity of the film. Moonrise, Hernandez, 
New Mexico wouldn't have been possi- 
ble 100 years ago. The film wasn’t sensi- 
tive enough to capture it. Moonrise is a 
good example of controlling the image on 
the negative to create the visualization. 
There were light clouds in the sky over the 
church that I felt were not attractive; they 
took away from the dramatic feeling of the 
scene. From the first visualization, I knew 
1 could darken them, almost eliminate 
them. I had no chance to wait for anything 
to change, so I took the photograph, then 
printed the sky very deep, so that the high 
clouds are only about one percent visible. 
PLAYBOY: Moonrise is one of your best- 
known images. Do you recall taking it? 
ADAMS: I was driving through the Chama 
Valley back to Santa Fe after a fruitless 
day trying to photograph a stump. I finally 
gave up and I was driving south, occa- 
sionally looking out of the window. Then I 
saw it: the church, the cemetery, the 
moon. I thought, Ditch the car! I started 
yelling to my friends to get out the tripod. 
I got my camera ready. I had to change 
the front lens component to the back and 
find the filter. I knew I had something 
wonderful, but I couldn't find the expo- 
sure meter. Values are very difficult to 
judge, but I knew that the moon has a 
luminance value of 250 candles per square 
foot, so I calculated from there. 

I was so excited with it that I wanted to 
make a duplicate—just to be sure. I 
turned the film holder over and, by the 
time I was ready to release the shutter, the 
light went off the crosses. The crosses in 
the cemetery had been illuminated by a 
very late sun trailing along the edge of the 
clouds behind me. With the sun gone, the 
magic disappeared. 

Only now can I tell you the exact date 
and time I took the picture. I never was 
very good at keeping track of the dates 
when I made my photographs. I always 
wrote down the exposure, but it has infuri- 
ated the historians that I never kept track 
of the dates. In one book, I dated my Pine- 
Cone and Eucalyptus Leaves 1936 and got a 
letter from historian Beaumont Newhall, 
who said he had a magazine with the 
photograph in it that was reproduced in 
1934. I was never quite sure about Moon- 
rise until two years ago, when an astron- 
omer computed that there was only one 
timc when the moon could have been posi- 
tioned exactly as it is in the image: 4:05 
pM, October 31, 1941. 


PLAYBOY: Did you know at the time that 
you had taken a memorable photograph? 
ADAMS: I knew it was an important imagc. 
I visualized this wonderful image and I 
just hoped I had captured it. When I 
started to develop it, I began to worry. 
First, I was going to give ita little less than 
normal-minus development. But I figured 
that if I did, it wouldn't hold the shadows” 
contrast in the foreground. I gave it watcr- 
bath development. I had worried that I 
had seriously underexposed the negative. 
I nearly panicked until I found that I 
hadn't Td gotten it! The first print 
showed some scattered clouds in the sky 
that weren’t very favorable to the over-all 
scene. They weakened the feeling. So I 
kept printing the sky darker until I had it, 
the image I had scen in my mind's сус. 
PLAYBOY: Is Moonrise an accurate repre- 
sentation of your body of work? 

ADAMS: Well, it is a very intense visualiza- 
tion. It is an example of the best of my 
work. But if Moonrise hadn't existed, 
something would have taken its place. Гус 
got a stack of proof prints. Any one of 
many, given certain exposure to the pub- 
lic, might attract considerable attention. 
People love Aspens, New Mexico, which is a 
totally unreal picture. I think part of the 
impact of the photograph is its scale. 
There are values in my photographs from 
total black to total white, which gives a 
brilliant, dramatic contrast. Clearing Win- 
ter Storm is very popular. Monolith, the 
Face of Half Done, of course. A few others. 
PLAYBOY: In 1976, you announced that you 
were going to stop taking orders for prints. 
It was suggested that you were trying to 
inflate the value of your work. How do you 
answer that charge? 

ADAMS: It’s nonsense. The reason I 
stopped making prints was that, as I be- 
came more and more widely known, print 
orders were stacking up, both from private 
parties and from galleries. I found I was 
spending a good part of my time in the 
darkroom making five of this, two of that, 
seven of the other. Each time new orders 
came in, I had to make new tests for the 
particular emulsion of the paper I was us- 
ing and, finally, I found I was so involved 
in the print making that I wasn't doing 
anything else. I got advice from friends 
suggesting that I ought to work on the 
creative end of photography and not be- 
come a printing factory. We announced 
that we would take in a last batch of orders 
and that would be it; there wouldn't 
be any more for sale айег that. 
Since then, I can sell prints only to people 
who are going to donate them to colleges, 
libraries or museums. The prints sold for 
about $800 apiece. I expected orders for 
about 1000 prints. Instead, 3400 came in. 
It took two years to print those. 

PLAYBOY: Your commercial photography 
had always been profitable for you, but 
was your fine-print photography also 
profitable? 

ADAMS: Oh, no. There was no market for 
photography as art until fairly recently. In 


Johnnie Walker? 
Black Label Scotch 
YEARS 12% ор 
Np 


Success is often measured by how deeply youre in the Black. 


12 YEAR OLD BLENDED SCOTCH WHISKY, 86.8 PROOF. BOTTLED IN SCOTLAND. IMPORTED BY SOMERSET IMPORTERS, LTD., N.Y. © 1981 


MERCURY BASS RIG 
000 


As low as $ Fy 


CU 


Z7 MERCURY |e 
OFFSHORE RIG В 


If you've ever dreamed of owning your own fishing or skiing boat, 
this is the sale you've been waiting for. 
` Dreams for Sale means your participating Mercury Outboard dealer 
will offer special package deals on Mercury-powered boats, like the examples shown here. 
During Dreams for Sale, you can save hundreds, perhaps thousands of dollars, 
depending on the boat and motor you buy. 
And because a Mercury-powered ng is such a solid investment, your Mercury dealer can easily 
help arrange low-cost financing. 
Remember the date: Friday, April 8. That's when your 
Mercury dealer has Dreams for Sale. 


Boats and salo prices are intended lo be typical and approximate. 
Your Mercury Outboard determines the specilic brands, models 
and prices ho offers. Not all boat and molor packages are available 
at all Mercury dealers. Accessories shown may be entre cost options. 


PLAYBOY 


ONLY YOUR 
MERCURY DEALER 
HAS DREAMS 

FOR SALE. 
Е alyour = 


Name your dream. 
,., participating Mercury dealer. Is it fishing a secret cove at dawn? 
5180 80 N — - Skiing a glassy-smooth lake? Or 
A$1995 ч ^ picnicking on a quiet shore? 
retail value — Name your dream, and your Mercury 
dealer will make it happen for far less 
than you would imagine. 
During Dreams for Sale, you can buy 
your dream boat and motor at a special 
discount package price. What's more, 
your Mercury dealer will help arrange 
low-cost financing to keep your monthly 
payments easy to live with. 

See your Mercury dealer starting 
April 8, for his best Dreams for Sale 
deal. And see how affordable your 
dream can be. 


See the Yellow Pages for your nearest 
Mercury Outboard dealer. 


Tom Mann 
Auger-Tail 
Tom Mann 
"Little С : 


‘Offer good white supply lasts. Є Mercury Marine 1953 


DREAMS FOR SALE STARTS FRIDAY, APRIL 8. 


А BRUNSWICK 
Mercury Marine, 
Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, 
Canada, Australia, Belgium, 
Mexico 


the Thirties, Edward Weston sold his most 
beautiful prints for $15. At the time, he 
was selling more than anybody. That was 
expensive for a photographic print. Mine 
were selling for ten dollars, maybe $15. A 
couple of times, I got $25. Before 1970, 
there were very few prints worth any real 
money. Artists such as Frederick Sommer 
would make two or three prints from a 
negative and get $1000 or $1500 for each. 
Stieglitz made very few prints. He might 
occasionally sell one for $1000. Strand 
might have gotten nearly that much. That 
was when most of us were getting ten dol- 
lars. It wasn’t until about 1970 that prices 
shot up. 
PLAYBOY: What caused that to happen? 
ADAMS: Photographs had caught on as 
valuable collectibles. People found they 
could afford original photographic prints 
for a generally reasonable price, while 
most of the original lithographs or etchings 
from the artists of the same period, includ- 
ing Picasso, were, comparatively, high. It 
was the beginning of the so-called photo 
boom that continued for almost a decade. 
When we sold the prints in the portfolio 
for $800 apiece, it was high for the time 
but not out of linc. It is a little embarrass- 
ing to have such high prices attached to 
your work—prices you never dreamed 
of—but it was good in that it encouraged 
the rise in price of all photography. A lot of 
good photographers could finally make a 
living from creative photography. 
PLAYBOY: Since then, of course, the market 
has shot up well beyond that to the point 
that in 1978, photographs were appreciat- 
ing faster than any other works of art. 
ADAMS: Yes. Photographs became the new 
“in” thing, and prices reflected that. 
PLAYBOY: To the point at which a large 
print of your Moonrise set a record as the 
most expensive photographic print ever 
sold: $71,500. 
ADAMS: It is rather absurd. I’ve joked, 
“Don’t they know Pm not dead yet?” I 
mean, it is perfectly ridiculous. People 
thought I was competing with the Arabs 
when they heard about those prices. I im- 
mediately went on a dozen mailing lists of 
people asking me for moncy. But I have 
nothing to do with those high prices. It’s 
like the stock market. Investors and specu- 
lators influence the art market. For the 
Moonrise that went for $71,500, I received 
something like $200 15 years ago. 
PLAYBOY: It has also been charged that you 
were involved in price manipulation of 
your prints at auctions. Were you? 
ADAMS: Never. That's not to say it doesn’t 
happen. Suppose a dealer has three prints 
of Monolith and he wants to sell them for at 
least $15,000. At the auction, he sees that 
one is going for $12,000. He'll bid up and 
hold the price, even buying it back himself. 
He might even go higher—$16,000, 
$17,000—because that establishes the 
price. Suddenly, Adams’ Monolith is worth 
$17,000. That happens at all auctions, but 
I have nothing to do with it. 


PLAYBOY: When prices shoot up so high, 
can that hurt an art form? Can the artists 
be affected adversely? 

ADAMS: When prices are overinflated, it 
just means that the high prices aren’t 
going to last. In general, however, higher 
prices mean that photographers can sup- 
port themselves doing fine-art photogra- 
phy; they don’t necessarily need “real” 
jobs to support their art. I agree that the 
artist shouldn't be extravagant, but he 
shouldn't starve, either. I am not suffering. 
I live in a very creative environment. I’m 
comfortable financially, but the money has 
come in only fairly recently. For all the 
years I was struggling, however, it wasn’t 
out of principle. I find devotion to poverty 
a very strange thing. It is, I imagine, pri- 
marily а justification for the fact that some 
people can’t do anything else. 

"There's a more important point to make 
here. I believe that the artist is entitled toa 
good life, at least a secure life. It is the 
obligation of a society to encourage art by 
supporting fine artists in all fields. It's a 
crime that budgets to support the arts are 
among the first things to be cut. 

PLAYBOY: It’s also true that your signature 
enhances the value of both your books and 
your posters, isn’t it? 

ADAMS: Booksellers should not charge 
more for a bock because it has my signa- 
ture. At auctions, however, where the 
money is going to charity, the signed 
Yosemite book has gone for $1200. A signed 
poster that costs $15 can raise $650. It is 
odd that the signature means so much. 
Туе been asked to sign cards, pieces of 
toilet paper and even someone’s arm. At 
book signings, people have stood in line for 
hours for an autograph. 

PLAYBOY: You don’t mind doing it? 
ADAMS: People depend on me to do it; Т 
can't say no. One thing I have done that 
makes people very angry is that I won't 
personalize the signatures anymore. I just 
can't. People come up and want one for 
their dear, great friend whoever and their 
mother’s aunt Laura on her birthday. 
Most people understand, but there are 
some who get all upset. 1 tell them to find 
me when I’m alone in some dark alley and 
there aren't another thousand people 
waiting for my signature. 

PLAYBOY: To ensure that your prints re- 
main limited editions, do you destroy the 
negatives? 

ADAMS: No. Brett Weston says he is going 
to do that. O'Keeffe scratched a little X in 
the corner of each of Stieglitz’ negatives. 
They are to go to museums, but the little 
X won't make them too easy to work with. 
My negatives are all going to the Center 
for Creative Photography at the Universi- 
ty of Arizona, but I have specifically stated 
that I want them to be printed by ad- 
vanced students, not just locked up in a 
case. When new printing techniques come 
along, it will be fascinating to see the re- 
sults with those negatives. It links them, 
again, to musical scores, which can be 
used and reused and interpreted and rein- 


terpreted. Consider that Bach and Mozart 
and even Beethoven had no concept of a 
modern grand-piano sound. We now have 
a chance to enhance the old music. Just as 
electronics has come into music, it is com- 
ing into photography. There is tremendous 
expressive potential. In ten years, I’m 
sure, they will come out with images from 
my negatives that I never dreamed of. 
Already, the technology is improving the 
final product. Already, I can't make a 
print with the quality of laser-scan print- 
ing, and who knows what is going to come? 
PLAYBOY: You have had generally favor- 
able reviews from critics, but in the later 
years, they have seemed less enthusiastic. 
Do you agree? 

ADANS: Critics are never comfortable with 
anything that catches on. Some people 
have said that I’m just a postcard photog- 
rapher. I don't even bother replying to 
them. Others have gone overboard the 
other way and have given all sorts of mys- 
tical interpretations to my work. There are 
very few critics who have understood my 
work or considered it fairly. As a rule, crit- 
ics don’t get to the bottom of anythin, 
they are superficial. It doesn’t really mat- 
ter. Art critics are a sort of ridiculous 
bunch, for the most part. In general, I sup- 
pose I’m respected by critics and other 
photographers, but I also annoy a lot of 
young people. It’s perfectly natural that 
they oppose what they consider my con- 
servative ideas about photography. 
PLAYBOY: Almost as quickly as photogra- 
phy has developed as an art form, the tech- 
nology at your disposal has changed. How 
has it changed the art of photography? 
ADAMS: One of the negative effects today is 
the tendency to fall back on the automatic 
features of the camera. When you rely on 
the camera’s automatic devices, you're al- 
ways going to get an image, but the 
camera can’t compose for you and it can’t 
change the values for you. It just works on 
the basis of averaging. On the other hand, 
with newer cameras, meters and film, onc 
is much more in control of the exposure. 
The technology is greater, but the tenden- 
cy is for people to think less. All you have 
todo now is aim and push a button. That's 
fine if all you're interested in doing is re- 
cording things. 

PLAYBOY: Have you ever been frustrated 
because you weren't able to capture your 
visualization due to the limitations of the 
film or the camera? 

ADAMS: That has happened, but mostly, 
the frustration came because I wasn't able 
to scc anything. A part cf your mind tells 
you there is a picture out there, but you 
Just can't see 

PLAYBOY: Have you missed any images and 
Kicked yourself for it? 

ADAMS: Oh, yes. Driving, especially travel- 
ing, I see something, a possible picture, 
and a half mile down the road, I begin to 
worry. There have been times I’ve gone 
back. In the late Thirties, I was driving to 
a show in Santa Barbara with Edward 
Weston and I looked out the window and, 


81 


PLAYBOY 


82 


across a field, I saw boards nailed around 
a desolate pigpen. We went on about halfa 
mile and I turned to Edward and said, “I 
saw something back there. I have to go 
back for it." He said, So did I. What did 
you see?" We had seen the same thing. We 
went back, got out of the car, climbed over 
a fence and we both made the picture. I 
just came across a proof of that picture: 
They are different. 

PLAYBOY: There has been a great deal writ- 
ten about the Adams-Weston rivalry. 
ADAMS: People have made that up, assum- 
ing we must have been competitive. On 
the contrary, we had a very warm 
friendship. In fact, Edward was intolerant 
of himself but quite tolerant of other 
people. If he felt you were really trying to 
express something and you weren't an im- 
postor or a dilettante or careless, he was 
very encouraging. 

PLAYBOY: Did you criticize each other's 
work? 

ADAMS: He didn’t react to many of my 
things; I didn’t react to his. We under- 
stood we were going in different directions. 
Each of us considered the other sincere 
and devoted. I did sometimes question 
his nudes, which he didn’t appreciate. 
PLAYBOY: What did you say? 

ADAMS: I felt some were rather silly. I 
thought they looked weak. Edward had a 
pretty considerable interest in sex, but I 
don’t think his nudes were really erotic or 
effective, with a few exceptions. 

PLAYBOY: Have you photographed nudes? 
ADAMS: No. I just never got into the model 
business. It isn’t out of any sense of propri- 
ety. I guess it’s having great respect for 
certain things that I believe are better ex- 
pressed more abstractly in painting. Take 
a Picasso sketch of a nude. To me, that’s 
much nuder than any nude in a photo- 
graph. There's a beautiful, stylized line. In 
a photograph, you get a literal image 
and—for me—it doesn’t have the same 
effect. With nudes, stark reality isn’t as 
effective as an artist’s interpretation. 
PLAYBOY: But you choose to portray nature 
relatively realistically. Why not the human 
body? 

ADAMS: Frankly, because I don’t think 
many bodies are really very attractive 
when they're photographed. Га rather 
keep my eyes shut. You try to make them 
look better in PLAYBOY, but, in fact, they're 
probably all greased up and touched up. 
PLAYBOY: Thats not an accurate state- 
ment, but go on with your thoughts on 
nudes. 

ADAMS: Some of Weston's nudes, unfortu- 
nately, look like dead bodies. What 
bothers me also are those torturous posi- 
tions that many photographers insist on 
for the women, which seem to be very con- 
trived. Га also suggest that the poses in 
FLAYBOY are contrived, but thats your 
business. Don’t get me wrong. There are 
some simply wonderful nudes of O'Keeffe 
by Stieglitz. Some of Edward’s earlier ones 
are very good. Some of his photographs of 


Tina Modatti are magnificent, full of life. 
PLAYBOY: If that’s how you feel about 
women in unusual positions, you can’t be 
much of a fan of Helmut Newton. 

ADAMS: Terrible. Don’t ask. 

PLAYBOY: What about Diane Arbus’ work? 
ADAMS: I think she was very sick. Her 
work bothers me terribly. She was a very 
good technician, but she seemed to take 
illth—you know the difference between 
health and illthꝰ— and make it worse. She 
made an effort to take an unpleasant vision 
and make it more unpleasant. It all just 
leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 

PLAYBOY: So you’re diminishing whatever 
social statement Arbus made because of its 
unpleasantness? 

ADAMS: Well, I don't know if we need that. 
"There's a subtle line there and a lot of 
people will think I’m a Puritan goody- 
goody, but I believe you can better depict 
the social condition with a little more 
idealism. 

PLAYBOY: Let’s talk about your commercial 
work, What kinds did you do? 

ADAMS: You name it. I did table settings, 
copies of paintings, clothing catalogs, 
architecture, an automobile, a horse, a 
dog, people, reports, businesses, wineries. 
It’s a very good discipline for any photog- 
rapher to get top results under those tight 
deadlines. Photographing nuts and bolis is 
a challenge. Some people say that all pro- 
fessional work is а form of prostitution 
Well, Michelangelo was a professional. 
Professional work helps develop the craft 
for artistic work. The idea that an artist 
cannot work on assignments has nothing 
to do with reality, yet many photographers 
hold that idea. There is a romantic delu- 
sion that professional work hurts art. Well, 
I am not romantic in that sense. 1 made a 
living for most of my life doing commercial 
work. Even during the Depression, I was 
fortunate, 1 had something to do. I 
remember nearly killing myself for a 
magazine assignment—I was shooting be- 
gonias, of all things. It took me two weeks 
just to figure out the exposure and color 
filtration. Finally, I got some beautiful pic- 
tures and the story was scheduled, and 
some prominent figure was assassinated or 
mugged or something. They ended up us- 
ing two of the eight pages that had been 
planned. ГЇЇ never forgive that person for 
getting himself shot that month. 

Another time, I was photographing a 
group of people for Fortune, powerful busi- 
ness leaders and politicians—the mayor, a 
Supreme Court Justice, the head of South- 
ern Pacific and several others—who met 
at a sort of round table at San Francisco's 
Sheraton Palace Hotel. They were very 
busy and they were pressuring me to rush. 
Finally, I had the shot set up and the elec- 
tronic switch on the shutter broke. It was 
impossible to operate it manvally, so I had 
anassistant run off to find a replacement. 
was there with all these big shots who were 
in a terrible hurry to begin with. So I said, 
“Gentlemen, first of all, I have to get indi- 
vidual shots of you for the magazine.” I 


had them pose one by one until I got them 
all. Finally, my assistant got back with my 
switch, so I could do the shot I had been 
assigned to do. The men never knew it, but 
when I was doing the elaborate individual 
head shots, I had no film in my camera. 
PLAYBOY: Did you ever refuse an assign- 
ment? 

ADAMS: In the carly days, I would never 
Tefuse an assignment unless it completely 
repelled me. [His eyes light up] In 1980, a 
national magazine asked me to go to Santa 
Barbara to photograph the President at his 
ranch. Well, I hate Santa Barbara and, far 
worse, I hate Reagan. I can’t ignore my 
feelings and just make a pretty picture. 
PLAYBOY: But you agreed to photograph 
President Carter. 

ADAMS: That was a pleasure and a great 
honor. It was the first time in history that 
the official Presidential portrait was a 
photograph instead of a painting. 
PLAYBOY: What was it like photographing 
him? 

ADAMS: It was about six months before the 
end of his term. It was a rather tense ex- 
perience. I used large-format Polaroid 
20" х 24”—which meant each exposure 
was a completed color print: no duplicat- 
ing, no fooling around in the darkroom. 

Опе of the first things Carter said was, 
“I have a very difficult smile. It’s always 
exaggerated in pictures.” I said, “I know. 
I don't want to do that.” I told him he had 
to relax. I asked him to contemplate some- 
thing pleasant, and he got a very nice ex- 
pression. I was ready to shoot, but his arm 
was wrong; he had moved. 1 tried to ex- 
plain what he should do, but he couldn't 
get it. I went up to position him, and just 
as placed my hand on his shoulder, I was 
grabbed by two Secret Service men. You 
do not touch the President. 

Eventually, we did it. The whole thing 
took about 45 minutes. The portrait gal- 
lery in Washington has the best, Carter 
has the second best and I have the third 
best. We threw away about eight. 
PLAYBOY: Was there criticism of the Carter 
Administration for the decision to have the 
portrait done by a photographer? 

ADAMS: Quite a bit. The painters, of 
course, were very mad. It was a break in 
nearly 200 years of tradition. 

PLAYBOY: Do you enjoy that kind of 
photography? 

ADAMS: It’s not my preference, but that 
was, at least, fun. 

PLAYBOY: Was that your last commission? 
ADAMS: Yes, and the first one in many 
years. I hadn't done anything commercial- 
ly since 1968, when I did a book for the 
University of California centennial. 
PLAYBOY: In 1980, Carter awarded you the 
Presidential Medal of Freedom for your 
environmental work and photography. 
ADAMS: It was something. I was very sur- 
prised when they told me. The ceremony 
itself was quite an event. Tennessee Wil- 
liams got the award at the same time. Also, 


“Puerto Rican white rum makes a much 
smoother screwdriver than gin or vodka? 


- 


Г — 
| W T 


LN 


In fact, our Puerto Rican rum makes any 
drink taste better? 


Ivar Pietri, Investment Banker, and his wife Tey. 

Its happening all over—people drinking white rum in 
place of gin or vodka! With orange juice or tonic, in Bloody Marys, 
oron the rocks. 

The reason? Smoothness. Rum from Puerto Rico is aged for 
at least one full year, by law. And when it comes to smoothness, aging 
is the name of the game. 

Make sure the rum is from Puerto Rico. 


Great rum has been made in Puerto Rico for almost five гу 


{ centuries. Our specialized skills and dedication have pro- 
é duced rumsofexceptional dryness and purity. No wonder 
86% of the rum sold in the United States comes from 


Rico. 
"^"""»  RUIS OF PUERTO RICO 
Aged for smoothness and taste. 


For free "Light Rums of Puerto Rico” recipes, write Puerio Rican Rums, Dept P-2, 1290 Avenue ol ihe 
Americas. NY. NY 10102 © 1983 Government of Puerto Rico. 


PLAYBOY 


the award was given to Hubert Hum- 
phrey posthumously. 

PLAYBOY: Despite the fact that you've 
taken a good number of portraits, there’s 
an impression that you photograph only 
nature. In fact, photographer Henri 
Cartier-Bresson once said, “Тһе world is 
falling to pieces and Weston and Adams 
are doing pictures of rocks.” 

ADAMS: It’s too bad we have to be 
swamped with dogma, But I would never 
apologize for photographing rocks. Rocks 
can be very beautiful. But, yes, people 
have asked why I don't put people into my 
pictures of the natural scene. I respond, 
“There are always two people in every pic- 
ture: the photographer and the viewer.” 
That usually doesn’t go over at all. 
PLAYBOY: Espccially because you've criti- 
cized photographers who work in their 
own world, particularly studio photog- 
raphers? 

ADAMS: It’s a different point. I am bothered 
by what I call the cavern mood of studio 
work. You find it especially in big cities, 
where people may never get out of the stu- 
dio. They work with contrived objects and 
with strange, almost continuous qualities 
oflight. Pm very sensitive to artificial-light 
effects. In some examples, I see the light 
more than I see the subjects. 

PLAYBOY: What about color versus black 
and white? The majority of your work is in 
black and white. Why? 

ADAMS: They are entirely different con- 
cepts. I did an awful lot of color when I 
was a professional. Most of them have 
faded. Kodachrome lasts, but Ektachrome 
doesn’t. In general, I never liked color 
prints. I think the only really beautiful col- 
or comes off the printing press, though 
Polaroid can achieve very good color. 
There is, of course, a lot of beautiful work 
that has been done in color, but I always 
prefer black and white as an expression. I 
don’t think I have a very good eye, or sym- 
pathy, for color. It is the difference be- 
tween Stravinsky and some contemporary 
electronic music. The electronic music can 
be very beautiful if its handled well. To 
put it simply, I prefer black and white be- 
cause I’m not obsessed with the dominat- 
ing reality of color. I have a wide range 
of control and it is an abstract medium 
to begin with. 

PLAYBOY: Now, let's run down a list of some 
well-known photographers who represent 
certain styles. We've talked about Lange, 
Cunningham, Edward Weston and Arbus. 
How about Walker Evans? 

ADAMS: For me, he’s a strange person and 
he did what I would consider very impor- 
tant work, but I never cared for it. 
PLAYBOY: How about Weston’s son, Brett? 
ADAMS: Oh, I know him very well. Brett is 
an extraordinary photographer, but his is 
very empirical work, not my style. He 
prints very dynamically, very black and 
white as a rule, very strong. And he has 
enormous productivity. 

PLAYBOY: Andy Warhol? 

ADAMS: Oh, terrible. Ghastly. To me, he's 


just an ass. His work means nothing to me. 
Tn short, repulsive. 

PLAYBOY: Are you reacting to the aesthetics 
or the social implications of the work? 
ADAMS: Are there social implications? I 
think it’s just a put-on. Ifyou have a ham- 
burger and it’s slightly spoiled, the sensa- 
tion is one of revulsion. Well, that is what I 
feel when I look at a Warhol. 

PLAYBOY: What do you think of the big- 
name fashion photographers—Francesco 
Scavullo, Richard Avedon? 

ADAMS: Not much. I don't know how crea- 
tive fashion photography can be, anyway, 
because it's done for a client. I think of 
their work as very contrived. It’s not to 
condemn them, but I don’t react. 
PLAYBOY: What about Antony Armstrong- 
Jones, Lord Snowdon? 

ADAMS: He’s a very likable fellow and a 
good journalistic photographer. That’s all. 
PLAYBOY: Do you like any of the modern 
photographers? 

ADAMS: When I started in photography, 
maybe five percent of all photographers 
were really serious and fewer than that 
were really good. Now it’s about the same, 
though there are hundreds of times more 
of them. Still, there is some wonderful 
work being done. Of the very contempo- 
rary photographers, I like Ernst Haas. 
Well, he must be 60. More contemporary 
is Joel Meyerowitz. In my mind, he is bet- 
ter than any of the other color photog- 
raphers. George Tice has done some very 
subtle things. Jim Alinder is just wonder- 
ful. Olivia Parker. Jean Dieuzaide. 

Many fine photographers are emerging. 
Chris Rainier. John Sexton. Don Worth is 
extraordinary. So is Paul Caponigro. Jerry 
Üelsmann is one of the top people. The 
late Wynn Bullock did many fine things. 
Minor White is one of the most important. 
Bill Brandt is one of my favorites. From 
Europe, there are André Kertész, Josef 
Sudek, Lucien Clergue, Brassai. Eugene 
Smith was quite somebody. Eliot Porter. 
Philip Hyde made quite a contribution to 
photography of the American West. He 
and Ed Cooper have been doing land- 
scapes, but they are a little derivative. 
PLAYBOY: Is there anyone specifically car- 
rying on your tradition? 

ADAMS: There are many people who are 
doing serious photography, which, I sup- 
is my tradition. I don’t like it when 
itate me, which they do. They go to 
Yosemite and put the tripod down, some- 
times in the same holes. ГЇЇ grant that it is 
very hard to go to Point Lobos and sce 
something that Edward Weston hadn'i 
seen, but there's no point in doing what 
Weston has already done. There’s no point 
in doing what Adams has already done. 
Do something new. 

PLAYBOY: Yet you wouldn't feel that way 
about locations you've photographed; 
you'd claim to find new things in them, 
right? 

ADAMS: There are new pictures anywhere. 
If I were kept in this house the rest of my 


life, I could find enough to photograph 
here to fill my whole life. One of Strand's 
best portfolios was On My Doorstep, just 
pictures of his garden in France. Some of 
them were very beautiful. 

PLAYBOY: You've spoken admiringly of 
Polaroid a couple of times, and you've 
been its consultant for a number of years. 
What do you do for Polaroid? 

ADAMS: Polaroid is the only photographic 
corporation in this country that really sup- 
ports creative photography. It has the 
Kennedy Gallery in Cambridge, a print- 
acquisition program that is very good. 
Kodak is just a big corporation whose in- 
terest is mass production. It does have 
high-quality film—there’s no question 
that its mechanical production is superb— 
but only Polaroid is actively concerned 
with photography as an art. 

I became a consultant in 1949, after I 
met Edwin Land. We became fast friends. 
When he asked me to consult for him, 1 
said, “I’m no scientist, but he was in- 
terested in the problems a photographer 
has with the technology available. He paid 
me $100 a month to do whatever I wanted. 
The criticism of his cameras that J would 
give him would be very different from the 
kinds of criticism he got from his labs. I re- 
member first trying a new Polaroid film in 
1953. It was a beautiful prototype that 
never got on the market, Eventually, I did 
a portfolio for U.S. Camera using his 
camera. I feltit represented another side of 
development of the art form. Land felt that 
the real concept of his camera was for the 
average person who wanted to make in- 
stant pictures. I argued that the profes- 
sional photographer and artist could do 
wonderful things with his technology. 
PLAYBOY: Such as? 

ADAMS: There are certain things for which 
Polaroid is perfect. Although it has its 
limits, Polaroid color is superior to any 
other. The values are so beautiful that 
they're the closest thing to pigment. 
PLAYBOY: Have you ever felt held back by 
the technology available at the time? 
ADAMS: Yes. I have ideas many times that 
just won't translate into film. I have an in- 
spiration and can visualize my print, but 
then, when І take the photometer and 
measure it, I realize [ can't control the 
values and the film won’t hold them. Film 
cannot come close to capturing what the 
eye can capture. 

PLAYBOY: Will that change with new tech- 
nologies? 

ADAMS: I don’t think you'll ever get that; 
the human eye is incredible. But in elec- 
tronics, the technology we have now can 
do far more than film. As the world’s silver 
resources are depleted, these new tech- 
nologies are particularly important 
They're coming already. I've seen a 
Kodak electronic disc that can be seen in- 
stantly after exposure on your television 
screen. The color is better than in a print. 
Sony has something similar, perhaps more 


— e 


Regular, 1 mg. “tar”, 0.2 mg. nicotine —— 
av. рег cigarette, FIC Report Dec. Bl. 


O b ca 


The pleasure is back. 
BARCLAY 


1MGTAR 
m Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
99 % і ar free. That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


PLAYBOY 


sophisticated. The electronic image can be 
transferred to tape and then can be seen on 
a screen. From that, you can make a hard 
copy. It’s a major revolution. You could 
put the image on a large screen and have 
exhibits that showed an image as close to 
the original as possible. 

PLAYBOY: What else do you sce coming in 
photography? 

ADAMS: There's по end in sight. Electronic 
photography will soon be superior to any- 
thing we have now. The first advance will 
be the exploration of existing negatives. I 
believe the electronic processes will en- 
hance them. I could get superior prints 
from my negatives using electronics. Then 
the time will come when you will be able to 
make the entire photograph electronically. 
With the extremely high resolution and 
the enormous control you can get from 
electronics, the results will be fantastic. I 
wish I were young again! 

PLAYBOY: Something that's kept you young 
is your passionate advocacy of environ- 
mentalism. Let's start on that subject by 
asking you if your photography and your 
politics are related. 

ADAMS: I never did a photograph of any 
importance for an environmental purpose. 
I just can't go out and take a picture of a 
place because somebody needs it for a 
promotion of some political campaign. All 
the pictures I've done were done because I 
was there and I loved the mountains and I 
visualized a picture. However, І do feel 
very good about the fact that my photo- 
graphs have been used in environmental 
campaigns a lot. I’m glad I can go to some 
places that have been protected that other- 
wise wouldn't be there, but that is a sepa- 
rate interest from making a picture. There 
is, I suppose, an unconscious abiding de- 
sire to work in the natural scene. But the 
pictures of Kings Canyon Sierra, for exam- 
ple, were done well before I became in- 
volved in the fight to establish Kings 
Canyon as a national park. Same thing lat- 
er with the Golden Gate National Recrea- 
tion Area. 

PLAYBOY: How were your photographs 
used in those fights? 

ADAMS: When the Army released its con- 
trol over the spectacular and vast land 
above the Golden Gate Bridge, the real- 
estate developers were ecstatic. They had 
plans to destroy the arca as soon as they 
could get their hands on it. There were 
plans for condominiums, shopping centers 
and high-rises. Coincidentally, I had once 
photographed a great deal of that area in 
its natural state. І made some 40" x 60” en- 
largements of a very spectacular picture of 
the Marin hills and had an architect work 
from the plans that developers had sub- 
mitted to the county for some ghastly 
high-rises in those hills. He drew those 
high-rises over my picture and we placed 
copies in several store windows. That 
started trouble. It was startling—and 
effective—to see the damage we were talk- 
ing about. That played a part in the pres- 
ervation of that area, which is now the 


Golden Gate Recreation Area. 

Much earlier, in 1936, we were fighting 
to make Kings Canyon a national park. 
The very powerful grazing and timber lob- 
bies were fighting us and had stirred up 
strong opposition throughout the state. 
Well, we sent copies of my book Siena 
Nevada: The John Muir Trail, which in- 
cluded a great many images of the Kings 
Canyon area, to President Roosevelt, In- 
terior Secretary Ickes, the governor of 
California and key legislators. Then I went 
to Washington and did some lobbying 
with a portfolio of prints of the area, 
saying, essentially, "This is what is at 
stake.” The images had a very strong 
effect. They helped swing the opinion in 
our favor. It was hard to argue against 
those images. The opposition claimed 
there was enough mountain land pre- 
served in Sequoia, which is nearby, but it 
was perfectly obvious then, as it is now, 
that we must keep adding to the protected 
land as the population grows or end up 
with far less preserved land in proportion 
to the population. Secretary of the Interior 
James Watt's decision not to add any park 
or wilderness area is terrible for the same 
reason. Had his logic prevailed back then, 
Kings Canyon would now look like part of 
the outskirts of Las Vegas. 

Anyway, we won that one and we got a 
lot of feedback saying that the pictures 
were a part of it. In both cases, I took the 
photographs independently and, thank 
God, they were used constructively. 
PLAYBOY: There are, of course, countless 
specific environmental battles under way 
around the country, butis there an over-all 
issue that you feel is most important? 
ADAMS: There is an over-all issue: If you 
have the proper definition of environmen- 
talism and understand that, then all of the 
problems can be related to that. We must 
acknowledge that the environment is de- 
teriorating. If we do not preserve it now, it 
will be too late. We must understand that 
this is not merely an aesthetic question 
but one that will effect our lives and the 
lives of our children. 

PLAYBOY: What is the most critical fight 
now? 

ADAMS: To save the entire environment: 
wilderness protection, proper use of parks, 
breakdown of Federal operation of the 
parks in favor of private interests, acquir- 
ing new park and wilderness land, unre- 
strained oil drilling and mining on land 
and offshore, etc. First on the list now is 
that all the wilderness areas must be pro- 
tected. It is very important. With the cur- 
rent Administration, they are gravely 
threatened. It means that the small in- 
roads this country has made in protecting 
some areas, both for scenic beauty and for 
invaluable resources, are threatened. 

Here is an important point: Only two 
and a half percent of the land in this coun- 
try is protected. Not only are we being 
fought in trying to extend that two and a 
half percent to include other important or 
fragile areas but we are having to fight to 


protect that small two and a half percent. 
It is horrifying that we have to fight our 
own Government to save our environment. 
Our worst enemy is the person the Presi- 
dent designated with the responsibility of 
managing the country’s environment: 
James Watt. No wonder it is a monu- 
mental battle. 

There was a point at which it seemed we 
were getting somewhere. Watt agreed that 
he would stop trying to open up the 
wilderness areas, which former Adminis- 
trations had seen fit to protect from any 
exploitation. But we read the fine print of 
his position. He said he would agree with 
the wilderness standards until 1990 or 
2000, when the entire wilderness legisla- 
tion would bc nullificd. Hc's an incredibly 
slimy character. He wants to get rid of the 
wilderness concept. I’m convinced the en- 
tire Administration is dedicated to de- 
stroying the integrity of those areas. Those 
people have the same concept of land use 
that the Russians have: that national parks 
and forests and the enjoyment of nature 
are bourgeois indulgences. In Russia, they 
have parks they call rest-and-recreation 
areas that apparently can be used for any 
purpose the government dictates. They are 
looking at the very short term. Thank 
God, we have people fighting to protect 
our future, There is nothing like the Sierra 
Club in Russi 
PLAYBOY: But with more than ten percent 
unemployment, are environmental issues 
that pressing, or is Watt correct when he 
suggests that you're dealing with indul- 
gent issues? 

ADAMS: Luckily, there are many people 
who feel there are some values other than 
making a fast buck. I admit, however, that 
the people who are affected most by the 
economic problems are the ones who 
would be the hardest to convince that sav- 
ing the environment should still be one of 
our highest priorities. But they have to be 
convinced to look beyond the obvious cri- 
sis. I admit it is easier for me to talk about 
these issues because I’ve never had that 
sense of real fear of having a family to sup- 
port and losing a job not because of sorne 
local problem where you can go out and 
get another job but because of a depression 
that has eliminated many thousands of 
jobs, Still, people need to see how impor- 
tant these concerns аге io them. 

PLAYBOY: How would you convince them? 

ADAMS: We are not just talking about sav- 
ing scenery. We are talking about the im- 
mediate future of our world. It could be a 
few short years before something drastic 
happens. Experts are predicting a cata- 
strophic water shortage in the Southwest 
in the Nineties, because the water tables 
are going down so rapidly through uncon- 
trolled use. Los Angeles could be in the 
midst of a disaster. The supply from the 
Colorado River could drop to a danger 
point, as it is being claimed by the states 
that it runs through and by Mexico. The 
water from the Sierra is just enough to 
handle the core of Los Angeles. But there 


are 10,000,000 other people. The picture 
is graphic. You can see the curve getting 
steeper. In relation to time, the increment 
of exploitation and destruction is bigger 
and bigger and bigger within a shorter and 
shorter period 

In the East, acid rain is a very serious 
problem. There are forests in Vermont and 
Massachusetts that are dying. There is no 
reason those forests should die, except for 
the acid rain caused by industrial pollu- 
tion. In lakes, fish are dying. Canada is 
getting very mad at us, because our pollu- 
tion is causing acid rain in its forests. The 
trees more than 10,000 feet above 
Bakersfield are dying from the pollution. 
The industry does provide jobs, but 
perhaps people would be better employed 
in jobs that didn't threaten their existence. 

‘The acid rain comes from power plants. 
Emissions collect in the clouds and even- 
tually fall in rain wherever the clouds have 
blown. What right does the power plant in 
Ohio or Pennsylvania have to dump 
poison on the Adirondacks? Copper smelt- 
ers in the East devastated hundreds of 
square miles with their acid wastes. They 
harmed people. Towns had to be aban- 
doned. So what is the limit of rights? You 
may have the right to drill an oil well in the 
Mojave Desert or to build a power plant in 
the Midwest, but those big power plants 
produce fumes that put pollution over 
hundreds of thousands of square miles. 
Who has a right to do that? Who has a 
right to drill an oil well in the sea that may 
blow out, causing a spill that destroys so 
much life and coast line that the value of 
the damage can’t even be assessed? Still, 
they put wells right on fault lines, which 
means that the potential for more spills is 
tremendous. When we list those things, 
they sound overwhelming. A big revolu- 
tion may be the only saving thing. Either 
we go to hell or we have a revolution. It 
may take a major disaster to wake people 
up—if it's not too late. 

When Watt and the Reagan Adminis- 
tration try to convince the people that en- 
vironmental issues are bourgeois and play 
the environmental issues against the eco- 
nomic ones, they’re consciously deceiving 
the American people. It would be merely 
pathetic if the consequences weren't so dis- 
astrous. Since they are, the Administra- 
tion’s actions border on being criminal. 
PLAYBOY: If this Administration is so bad 
environmentally, why not concentrate on 
the next one? The election is not even two 
years off. 

ADAMS: That could be too late. Too much 
damage could be done. The present 
Administration is basically concerned with 
those devoted to profitable exploitation 
without any regard for the future. We call 
them the rape-ruin-and-run boys—and 
it's a very good and accurate term. Watt 
has said some incredible things about his 
specific lack of concern for the future. He's 

(continued on page 222) 


how do you deal with an enemy you 
don't know, won't see and can't 
predict? first, you have to be willing 
to face the problem 


THE TARGETING 
OF AMERICA 


A SPECIAL REPORT ON TERRORISM 


CONSTRUCTION BY PARVIZ SADIGHIAN | PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD IZUI 


artice BY LAURENCE GONZALES 


ir TERRORISTS had been watching when Lebanese president 
Amin Gemayel arrived at the Madison Hotel in Washing- 
ton last October, the sight would have warmed their 
hearts. The front of the building was swarming with 
police. Up and down 15th and across M Street, Secret Serv- 
ice agents stood guard, nervously watching the tops of 
surrounding buildings. Each man wore a single earphone 
with a wire that disappeared into his clothing. Inside the 
hotel, Lebanese secret police stood watch in the corridors 
while Secret Service agents searched floor to floor. Simul- 
taneously, a private security firm staked out the building 
and coordinated communications. The hotel was strung 
with wires and antennas. The lobby was jammed with 
security personnel waiting, listening, anticipating. In 
short, Gemayel's mere presence caused an almost palpable 
level of anxiety not only within the hotel but throughout 
the neighborhood just north of the White House. 

More precisely, it was not Gemayel but an unseen 


article BY JAMES Р WOHL 


While the 1984 Olympic Games are 
being touted as Disneyland with sweat 
by the public-relations staff at the Los 
Angeles Olympic Organizing Commit- 
tec, itis a safe bet that plans to shatter 
that showcase of democracy have 
already been set in motion. The world 
has come to expect the death of inno- 
cents in the pursuit of the principal 
terrorist goal: publicity. Given the com- 
plexities of guarding the 1984 summer 
games, those plans have an awesome 
chance of success. 

Security for the games is the respon- 
sibility of an umbrella group called the 
Olympic Law Enforcement Coordinat- 
ing Council. The organizing committee 
is represented on the council by Edgar 
Best, a talented, tough ex-special agent 
in charge of the Los Angeles office of 
the Federal Bureau of Investigation, 
who has been meeting for nearly two 
years with local, state and Federal law- 
enforcement agencies, as well as with 
political figures—including the Presi- 
dent of the United States. But the logis- 
tics are tremendously complex. At the 
Montreal games, only five agencies 
needed coordination; in Moscow, only 
two. For the 1984 Olympics, Best and 
other rop personnel are attempting 
the task of coordinating 60 law- 
enforcement agencies, Sources wit 
the Los Angeles Police Department in- 
dicate that the task is overwhelming. 

The Law Enforcement Coordinating 
Council has set up 27 subcommittees in 
charge of intelligence, transportation, 
SWAT, air support, communications, 
traffic, crowd control and the like. 
Although Best downplays the dangers 
of internal dissension, it is a fact that 
rivalries, jealousies and the idiosyn- 


EE‏ ا 


A TERRORISTS’ 
GUIDE TO THE 
1984 OLYMPICS 


if terrorists have plans to 
make los angeles another 

munich, the only way to 
outmaneuver them is to see the 
games through their eyes 


crasies of individual law-enforcement 
bureaucracies have crippled police 
work many times in the past. Those 
problems could be especially trouble- 
some at the Olympics, where neither 
Best’s council nor ће L.A.P.D. has the 
legal means to force meetings and coop- 
eration with autonomous local agen- 
cies—much less with the FBI, the CIA 
or the Secret Service. “Autonomy is а 
major problem," a source in the 
LA. PB. told me. “If we can't force 
cooperation, how are we going to guard 
Marcos or Castro or Mitterrand or 
Reagan?” 

Cooperation aside, Best doesn’t 
share the feeling—expressed by some 
front-line cops—that foreign battles 
will be fought in Los Angeles by terror- 
ists secking publicity. It is his opinion 
that the Munich massacre of Israeli 
athletes caused a backlash that would 
discredit similar terrorist action now. 

“Black September no longer exists 
because of that,” he said. 

Over at the I. A. PD., the spokes- 
man and the chief of Olympics se- 
curity for the police department—is 
Commander Bill Rathburn, whose 
background in antiterrorist work is nil. 
He isn’t sure what qualified him for the 
job of Olympics planning. He is sure, 
however, that no one can guarantee a 
safe Olympics. He, too, attempts to 
downplay the coordination problems. 

“I was originally uncomfortable with 
the lack of legislative direction to 
coordinate security,” he said. “Many 
people in responsible positions were 
and sull are. But I feel now that the rec- 
ognition of local autonomy is the cor- 
nerstone of our effort.” 

The good news is that there is a 
reputable (continued on page 182) 


presence that caused the anxiety. What 
electrified the place was the uncertainty. 
Would it be the man entering the elevator 
carrying flowers? Would it be the unoccu- 
pied taxicab parked by the side of the 
building? It might be a gun, a rocker, a 
poisoned apple or the Armenian double- 
bomb trick, in which the first bomb goes 
off, a crowd gathers to see what has hap- 
pened, and then the second bomb goes off 
Terrorism: Guess. Guess again. 

Just one month carlier, Gemayel’s 
brother, Bashir—himself the newly elected 
president of Lebanon—had been killed 
when a 400-pound bomb destroyed the 
Christian Phalangist headquarters in east 
Beirut. When Amin Gemayel left the 
Madison Hotel after а two-day visit, 
one could see the relief in the faces of the 
doormen, the concierge and the assistant 
managers: The place had not been blown 
up. No one had even phoned in a bomb 
threat. Gemayel was now someone else’s 
problem. 

We hear about terrorism almost daily, 
yet few of us have a precise notion of what 
it is. Fewer yet could say what sort of 
people we would find behind the ski 
masks. The experts aren't really sure of 
what most terrorists want. They haven't 
even been able to agree on a definition of 
terrorism. But however we choose to 
define it, terrorism has become a fact of 
life. Between 1970 and 1980, according to a 
1981 conference at Los Alamos National 
Laboratories, nearly three terrorist opera- 
tions per day were reported world-wide. 
The total number of people killed by ter- 
rorism in that ten-year period has been 
estimated at around 10,000. The cost in 
property destroyed was about $200,000 
per day. At least $150,000,000 in reported 
kidnaping ransom was collected by terror- 
ists between January 1, 1971, and late 
1982. The security necessitated by terror- 
ism costs billions. But terrorism is not only 
a major economic influence in the world 
today, it’s a psychological and a political 
one as well. 

It has permanently altered Western 
Europe, Japan, South America, Central 
America, the Middle East, Africa—most 
of the world, in other words. And now, 
some experts say, the U.S. may be the next 


big target. 


б 

There are people paid to worry about 
just that possibility, and in the Interna- 
tional Club of Washington, where some of 
them gather to cat lunch, the tension is 
sometimes as thick as the cigarette smoke. 
Georgetown University’s Center for 
Strategic and International Studies 
j.) is located in the same building. 

a private think tank, and a lot of 
the thinking that goes on there these days 
concerns terrorism. 

I sat in the club one day last summer 
listening to two of the world’s top experts 
on terrorism, Yacov Heichal, former head 


“Look—why don’t you forget all you've read about how to make 
love to a woman and be just a sexual animal?!” 


81 


PLAYBOY 


of planning for the Israeli military, and 
Robert Kupperman, executive director of 
science and technology for C. S. I. S. They 
were making the small talk of their profes- 
sion—discussing the prospect of being on 
various hit lists and the security precau- 
tions each takes. 

“We're not on them so far as we know,” 
says Kupperman, “but it’s always a con- 
cem. It’s something you watch for.” 

“They don’t like me to walk around in 
Old Jerusalem,” Heichal says of the Israeli 
security guards. “But I do anyway. I keep 
my eyes open. You have to keep your eyes 
open. like Old Jerusalem. It's my home.” 

How do you know when you're on a hit 
list? 

“People tell us,” Hcichal says. 

And then what happens? 

He shrugs. “Maybe it goes away. Or 
maybe you're still on it. Maybe they get 
interested in someone else.” 

It was August 1982 and Israel had vir- 
tually leveled Beirut in an attempt to drive 
out the P.L.O. In the process, it had 
destroyed or captured nearly all the con- 
ventional military equipment the P.L.O. 
had acquired during the previous decade. 
While the P.L.O. had been founded as a 
terrorist group and achieved its status 
largely through terrorist actions, it had be- 
gun to show signs of becoming а more con- 
ventional nation, lacking only a place to 
call home. According to Heichal and 
others, Israel’s actions have forced the 
P.L.O. into a corner where terrorism is 
now its only option. The question was 
when it would begin. Kupperman esti- 
mated that it would take another few 
months for the P.L.O. to get organized 
again. But the day after terrorists 
machine-gunned a Jewish restaurant in 
Paris, killing two Americans, Heichal 
was pacing back and forth in Kupper- 
man’s office, chain-smoking cigarettes and 
saying, “ПУ begun. 105 begun.” He 
turned to Kupperman. “Do you think it’s 
begun?” It was a time of high anxiety. But 
in the business of counterterrorism, most 
times are. 

“A two-star general in the field with 
16,000 soldiers at his disposal,” Kupper- 
man says, would laugh at the mere sug- 
gestion that a dozen well-prepared men 
could render him utterly powerless. Jimmy 
Carter might also have laughed once at the 
suggestion that a small group of ill- 
prepared Iranian students could render 
the entire U.S. powerless. But it a 

Across the street, I visited with Yonah 
Alexander, director of the State University 
of New York's Institute for Studies in In- 
ternational Terrorism. He is editor of the 
scholarly journal Terrorism (yes, terrorism 
even has its own magazine now). He 
shares the concern about the P.L.O. “It 
has to show it is alive and kicking,” he 
says. “And the P.L.O. is very much alive. 
Asa military force, it is no longer viable. It 
has lost the military option. But as a ter- 


rorist force, it certainly is viable. It has an 
eight-country network. I predict that it 
will intensify its activities. And Americans 
today are target number one throughout 
the world.” 

Why the United States? And why now? 

In the view of academic spooks, as high- 
level intelligence types are often called, 
terrorist warfare—like warfare in gener- 
al—is in a period of evolution. For a long 
time, terrorists were content to toss 
bombs, to stage some derring-do with air- 
planes now and then, to kidnap a few key 
political figures. But they are becoming 
more sophisticated, according to intelli- 
gence sources, not only in their methods 
but in their choice of targets. And they are 
beginning to understand that the U.S. is 
a perfect terrorist target. It is the largest 
free nation in the world—a target of 
tremendous symbolic value. Since terror- 
ism is largely a symbolic act, that is deci 
sive. Second, the U.S. is a democracy. 
Most experts agree that a key element in 
the success of terrorism is good press 
coverage. It balloons the event and gives it 
a dimension it otherwise might not have. 
The U.S. is ideal because it has an uncon- 
trolled and voracious press—essential for 
democracy, good for terrorism. And, final- 
ly, its a highly mechanized society, 
dependent on fragile technologies that are 
subject to attack. 

It may come from the P. L. O. It may 
come from the F.A.L.N., the Puerto Rican 
national-liberation movement, one of the 
most active on U.S. soil. Or it may come, 
as the kidnaping of General James Dozier 
did, as the Iranian hostage crisis did, well 
away from the U.S. mainland itself. Ter- 
rorists can attack the U.S. from anywhere 
in the world. The sun never sets on their 
targets of opportunity, except, perhaps, 
during the winter months in Alaska. 

But some experts feel that the P.L.O. is 
the most immediate threat. Backed into a 
corner, it could turn to the U.S. as the last 
remaining pressure point, a last push for 
continued national existence. Among 
major concerns are that it could use black- 
mail (nuclear blackmail, biological- 
warfare blackmail) to shift U.S. foreign 
policy toward its own ends. Some say that 
the U.S. is the Hiroshima of terrorism, 
pristine if not untouched, being saved for 
something ultimate. 

As usual, however, there is disagree- 
ment among the experts. Former director 
of the CIA William Colby says, “The 
P. I. O. does have a political option. Be- 
cause of the way Israel handled itself with 
respect to the mass killings in Lebanon, 
the P.L.O. has a new recognition. It is 
being dealt with. It has Arab political sup- 
port. The mass murders in Lebanon are 
the Israelis’ downfall as far as the P.L. O. 
goes. The P.L.O. will continue to fight and 
will undoubtedly go over the edge, and to 
the extent that it goes over the edge, it will 
lose rather than gain. Your real problem is 


that you have an intractable difference 
between peoples, and they’re going to fight 
cach other. You've got to get a negotiated 
solution." He believes that the prospect of 
terrorism’s sweeping the United States is 
overblown. 

“The reason the U.S. has never had a 
major terrorist problem," says Colby, "is 
that you can’t rally public support of ter- 
rorism, because the channels are open to 
legitimate protest. It’s surprising that the 
blacks didn’t resort to terrorism, but they 
didn't—probably because of the fine lead- 
ership they had from religious leaders, 
Martin Luther King, Jr., and others.” 

Even if we were able to rule out home- 
grown terrorism (and many people do not 
rule it out), that doesn’t preclude the im- 
ported variety. In a world that hardly 
blinks anymore when someone snatches a 
jet in Poland or Spain or Africa, there are a 
lot of groups out there for whom the 
United States is a target with an extremely 
high payoff potential. The Tupamaros, 
the F.A.L.N., the P.L.O., the Japanese 
Red Army, S.W.A-P.O., the I. R. A, the 
P.F.L.P., the Baader-Meinhof Gang, 
Black June, the Basque Separatists, the 
Christian Phalangists—there are more 
than 140 terrorist organizations currently 
in operation. Some, such as the P.L.O., 
have fairly clear motivations (a home- 
land—and erasing Israel from the map). 
Others, such as the Japanese Red Army, 
appear to be purely nihilistic—they seem 
to be saying that society, civilization, life 
itself are all worthless and should be 
destroyed. It may be difficult for us to 
grasp such a motivation, but it’s just as 
real when the bombs go off. 

Whether or not one chooses to believe 
that a terrorist-precipitated Armageddon 
is about to take place here, the notion has 
gained some currency in the Reagan 
Administration. The problem is that the 
Administration has responded to the ter- 
rorist threat as a convenient public- 
relations tool instead of a problem in need 
of solutions. 

Kupperman gives the background: “In 
part, it was terrorism that cost Carter the 
Presidency. When the Iranians took over 
the U.S. Embassy, he failed to act. After 
one week, it was already too late. Then it 
went on for a year. The final ignominy 
took place in the desert where a rescue 
attempt failed before it even got under 
way. All that was left then was the rug 
bazaar: negotiating the price for the 
release of the hostages. For the terrorists, it 
was complete victory.“ 

In the wake of that political debacle, the 
Reagan Administration needed a new 
public-relations tool—a banner, as it were. 
Human rights wouldn’t do, primarily 
because it was old and was associated with 
the Carter Administration, And апу! 
associated with the Carter Administration 
seemed to carry with it the lingering smell 

(continued on page 171) 


two marilyns, both titleholders in mrs. america competitions, 


are winning wives in our book, too 


MEET THE MRS. 


THETWO WOMEN atop this page are married. Between them, they've cooked more than 8000 
meals, changed more than 3000 diapers and washed several tons of clothes. And aren’t 
they lovely? Look at their eyes. See the shyness. And the experience. In many ways, they 
are the best of American womanhood. The Mrs. America Pageant annually celebrates the 
beauty of women such as these, and both Marilyn Griffin (above left) and Marilyn Parver 
{above right) were sent to the finals in Las Vegas by (text continued on page 96) 


Marilyn Griffin (above left) and Marilyn 
Parver (above right) were Mrs. Oklahoma 
ond Mrs. Georgia in 1980 ond 1981, 
respectively. Both went to the Mrs. America 
Pageant in Las Vegas (below), and though 
neither took first place, both win with us. 


MRS. OKLAHOMA 


In los Vegas far the annual Mrs. America Pageant, Marilyn Griffin met and become 

nds (Platonic, of course) with singer Wayne Newton, pictured with her at left. 
Below, Marilyn shares her Mrs. Oklahoma lourels with (from left to right) son 
Matthew, 13, husband Bobby, daughter Mendy, seven, ond son Michoel, 11. 


b 


Belowleft, Marilyndoesomeancotton-eyed Joe with her husband at Will 
she won a Tight-Fitting Jeans contest several months ago. At bottom left, she cheers on her football hero, Matt, 
who plays for Tulso’s Nimitz Junior High School. When she was crowned Mrs. Oklahoma back in 1980 (bottom right), she was all smiles. 


MRS. GEORGIA 


In the photo below, Marilyn Porver is a newly crowned Mrs. Georgia. If you think 
her make-up looks great, it’s no surprise, since she's a professionol make-up 
artist, shown working (ot right) in her populor Atlonto salon, Indulgence. 
(Note the photos of two of her celebrity clients, Gerald Ford ond Lindo Evans.) 


| 


After o doy's work, Morilyn still hos the energy to horse around with her dough- 
ters, Shono, six, ond Kelly McHole, four (right), ond go for a romontic walk with. 
her odvertising-ond-public-relotions-executive husband, Michoel (below right). 


ANS IR 
TEOR 


Marilyn, nomed Mrs. Congeniality in the notional pageont, no doubt deserved it: 
She did most of the other women's moke-up. Above, she boogies ot Atlonto's 
Limelight Disco: "1 used to be real stroight, but Ive gotten wilder with age.” 


MRS. OKLAHOMA 


their respective home states. So meet Mrs. 
Oklahoma 1980 and Mrs. Georgia 1981. And 
have a little respect. These are mothers. And 
working mothers at that. Marilyn Griffin, 36, 
is the current director of the Mrs. Oklahoma 
Pageant and is a model. You've probably seen 
two national television commercials she 
appeared in during the past year—for Amer- 
ican Airlines (she’s the lady who steps out of a 
cab and greets the sky cap) and Coca-Cola 
(she gives the rodeo winner his trophy and a 
smile). Marilyn Parver, 30, is a make-up 
artist who, besides owning and operating 
(with a partner) Indulgence, a popular Atlan- 
ta beauty salon, has also been a make-up с 
sultant for Warner Bros. Pictures, Paramount 
Pictures and television’s Emmy-award show. 
The list of celebrities whose faces her hands 
have known intimately is too long to print 
here, but it includes Jack Lemmon, John 
Wayne, Sidney Poitier, David Cassidy, Gary 
Coleman, Burt Reynolds, Sally Field, Paul 
Newman, Warren Beatty, Bette Davis, Lucille 
Ball, Dudley Moore and Muhammad А! 
Ob, yes—and Rosalynn Carter, who drives 


all the way from Plains to indulge herself at 
Indulgence. Mrs. Parver is well traveled, 
bilingual (she lived in South America for most 
of her childhood) and shares with Marilyn 
Griffin an apparently boundless enthusiasm 
for each of her roles as wife, mother and 
businesswoman—and, of course, the official 
state Mrs. It's fun to go around Georgia in 
my miniskirt and high heels,” she says, “and 


“It’s hard to stoy in shope. I'm always on a diet ond 
1 work aut every day. When you're—shall we 
say—mature, it's harder ta fight the sags and the 

After all, gravity begins ta take over.” In 
the pictures on this page and at right, shapely 
Marilyn proves thot gravity hasn't token her over. 


MRS. GEORGIA 


have people say, incredulously, "You're Mrs. Geor- 
gia?—to which I reply, ‘Yep. And I'm a great 
cook and I scrub a mean bathroom, too.” 

As representatives of our most cherished and 
maligned institution, both Marilyns are ideal— 
first of all, because they're deeply enamored of 
their husbands and, second, because they make 
being a mother sound more fun than headache. “I 
promised my husband I would give him a child be- 
fore he was 40," says Marilyn Parver, whose 
spouse is 15 and a half years older than she, “and I 
did. It was so much fun, I decided to do it again. I 
was the proudest pregnant woman in the world.” 

And Marilyn Griffin sounds like one of those 
wonderful mothers you may think live only in tele- 
vision sitcoms when she says, “I enjoy going to ev- 
ery baseball, football or soccer game my boys play 
in. They’re wonderful athletes, like their father.” 

Both women express (concluded on page 210) 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY POMPEO POSAR /DAVID MECEY 


"I have to be honest about why I'm doing this. I don't 
need the money. I have а good career. | olready 
know famous people ond | don't wont o movie 
career. Obviously, I'm not looking far a husband. 
No, the moin reason Im doing this is pure ego. 1 
wont їо get the best possible photogrophic record of 
how | looked before my body fell oport. Nice to 
remember when you're 65, right?" Right, Morilyn. 


i delighted in the pharaoh’s 
foolish decision to 
leave me alone with his queen 


part two 


SYNOPSIS: In part one, Menenhetet, the 
Governor of the royal harem, and Honey- 
Ball, a little queen, successfully conspired to 
harm the Pharaoh. 


LATER THAT NIGHT, after Usermare had 
mounted the bodies of each of the eight lit- 
tle queens, He became at last as calm as 
the waters of a pond and dressed with me, 
and we walked together in the gardens 
hand in hand. He had not been so calm 

a long time. “I have lived in much indeci- 
sion for many months,” He said, “but 
tonight it has come to an end. Tomorrow, 
you will begin to serve as Companion of 
the Right Hand of Nefertiri, for you belong 
in My First Queen's Palace. You have the 
wisdom to serve Her well, and serve Me 
ever better.” He nodded, as if the greatest 
wisdom was His own. “You will stay close 
to Nefertiri. You will not leave Her. If 
word should come that I am dead, you 
must slay Her where She stands.” 

Now He kissed me. “Kill Her,” He said, 
“even if Her guards make certain that you 
are dead in the next instant.” 

I bowed. The dawn was as lovely to me 
as the thought of my own life. “That is the 
best death for you,” He said. “You will 
be able to accompany Me in the Golden 
Boat.” 

He was my King. So I did not dare to 
say that I might wander in the Land of the 
Dead and not be welcomed by Him on any 
boat. I merely bowed again. 

Б 


І cannot be certain now if the face I sce 
before me when I think of Nefertiri is in- 
deed the one I used to love when I Кпе 
what it was to desire a woman so com- 


pletely that there was longing for Her even 
in the ends of my toes, as if like a tree I 
could draw strength from the earth. I 
know Her face, yes, and yet as I remember 
Her now, She is not unlike Honey-Ball. 
She was not fat, of course, yet, all the 
same, She was a voluptuous woman, at 
least in the season I knew Her, and the 
face of Nefertiri, like the face of Honey- 
Ball, had the fine short nose, the same 
wondrous curved lips whose warmth was 
like a fruit and tender in expression or 
merry or cruel as the whim would take 
Her. Of course, Nefertiri’s hair was dark 
and lustrous like no other woman’s, and 
Her eyes belonged to a goddess. They were 
deep in color, purple as the royal dye that 
comes from the shores of Tyre and they 
spoke of the wealth of royalty itself, as if 
one were forever staring into the late eve- 
ning sky. That is how I remember Her, 
and yet I cannot be certain it is Her fine 
face I see, or only what I recollect. 

I remember on the morning when I first 
entered the Throne Room of Nefertiri in 
Her Palace of the Royal Wife and there 
was introduced to Her Court as Compan- 
ion of the Right Hand, that the sunlight 
was entering [rom the open pillars behind 
Her, and dazzled my eyes as it 
over every carved lion and cobr 
carvings of Her golden throne. 

Let me say that I had been passed 
quickly by Her sentries into Her Presence 
itself. My new rank, of obvious and con- 
siderable worth in Her Court, opened gate 
for me after gate, and I went through a 
great pair of double doors into the gold 
and splendor of Her great room. I was pre- 
pared to be blinded by the light from the 
throne—the little queens who could in- 
form you of everything they never saw, had 
told me much about the splendor of the 
light in the morning when She sat by the 
Eastern bank of columns, but I was not 
prepared to grow faint. I had spent so 
many hours with Usermarc that I thought 
my feet would be steady before Her Pres- 
ence. It was not so. I threw myself on my 
belly and kissed the marble, which was the 
accepted ceremony then, as now, for that 
first occasion when you are presented in 
court to the Great Two-House or His Con- 
sort but on that first meeting, my teeth rat- 
Пед against the stone. I s in the 
presence of a being near to the Hidden 
One. I can only say that as I threw myself 
down, a cloud came over, and my sight 
failed, the river of my sweat came forth, 
and my heart—then I understood what 


PLAYBOY 


102 


they meant by the expression—was no 
longer in my bosom; no, it flew out. 

“Rise up, noble Menenhetet,” were the 
first gracious words of the Queen Nefertiri 
to me, but my limbs were like water when 
there is no force of a wave, only the weight, 
and yet, as if I must learn to climb the 
steepest cliffs, so did I raise my head and 
our looks met in the silence. 

That gave me much strength. 1 had 
heard from the little queens of the remark- 
able color of Her eyes and was prepared, 
except that there is no way to be ready to 
Jook into the last of the royal evening light. 
The beauty of the color gave me strength 
even as a dying man knows happiness 
when offered the petals of a rose. So our 
eyes met, and I lived with Her in all that 
perturbation of the Nile when it is divided 
by an island, just so great a change did 
Her eyes of indigo make in me, but then 
we did not merely greet one another, and 
step back into ourselves, but met like two 
clouds of different hue traveling on differ- 
ent winds and there was much dancing in 
the air between. Her face and body were in 
this first instant like a mosaic of sparkling 
stones—I could not even see Her whole, 
but I knew I loved Her, and would serve 
Her, and be Her true Companion of the 
Right Hand. A happiness came into Her 
eyes, and She laughed with a sweet peal of 
rollicking laughter, as if, behold, it would 
be a better day than alll the signs had fore- 
told. 

We did not speak much more on that 
occasion. | made my presentations in a 
low voice full of respect, and, in such a 
situation, with what is better than respect, 
offered by my voice a not- all- controlled 
quiver of admiration for Her beauty, so 
spoke my tones. Then, І stood up and gave 
what was, for a charioteer who had risen 
from the ranks, a noble bow so full of the 
grace and manner of—I was to learn it 
just then—of a particular nome, that the 
Queen asked, “Are you, dear new friend 
Menenhetet, from Sais?” 

“No, Great Consort of the King, but I 
have lived among the people of Sais.” 

“And it is said that some of the litile 
queens are from Sais.” 

I bowed. I had no answer. I was too 
confused. Indeed, I cannot tell you how 
many courtiers were in the room, whether 
five or fifteen, I saw only Her and myself. 
Later that day when the House of a Royal 
Companion was assigned to me and I saw 
the gold of my chairs and tables and ward- 
robe chests, my new clothes of linen, and 
gold bracelets, and the faience of my new 
chest-plate, each piece of the thousand and 
one pieces of blue stone limned with an 
edge of gold, and when 1 smelled the 
choice perfumes delivered to me by the 
bounty of the King—or was it from Nefer- 
tiri Herself?—when I surveyed my new 
servants—all five—and passed through 
the gracious rooms of my new house, seven 
rooms in full, my kitchen, my di 


my receiving room for guests, my own 
room for meditation and ablutions, my 
bedroom, and the two small rooms at the 
end to hold my five servants, my cook, my 
keeper of the keys, my groom, a gardener, 
and last, my major-domo, I knew I was 
now blessed with more rank than General 
or Governor, and no longer lived in a small 
house but a large one. 

. 

Yet by the conclusion of my first few 
days, I was as vexed as a sail when the 
wind blows by both sides. If the palace of 
Nefertiri lived in all the brilliance of sun- 
light upon gold, I could not say the same 
for Her people. Her Officers were inferior 
men, Generals you would not trust with a 
command, Governors who governed no 
longer (like myself!) and a former Vizier 
who now reeked of kolobi and told long 
stories of his provident decisions in the 
early reign of Usermare. Her Maids, once 
beautiful, were no younger than Herself. 
Their minds, as I came to know them, 
were narrow and connected only to the for- 
tune of their Queen, their own families, 
and their entertainments. Yet they knew 
less of arts and refinements than the litle 
queens—it is obvious to me even as I 
speak that I lose the passage of the days for 
one docs not learn that much about a court 
so quickly, yet 1 believe my years in the 
army were of use. When I was General it 
took no more than an hour's visit to a new 
command before I could form one indis- 
pensable opinion: The troops were ready, 
ог too weak for my purpose. I saw much 
luxury in my first hours in Her court, and 
the subtle manners of many aristocrats 
were displayed, but I also knew that User- 
mare need not fear Her people—ambition 
was twisted here upon itself, and honor 
was sour. These courtiers would worry 
more about what they might lose than ever 
they would dream of the rewards that 
boldness might gain. No plot could come 
forth here. In truth, they did nothing but 
gossip, and I heard again every story I had 
heard among the little queens, although in 
Her Court, these stories were told with 
those little details that can be more dear 
than ornaments themselves, and are pre- 
sented to one another like gifis. So in the 
Palace of Nefertiri, I heard more of Rama- 
Nefru than of the First Queen, and if I was 
told on the first visit to my house by the 
former Vizier who drank Aolobi, that 
Nefertiri made much mockery of Rama- 
Nefru because She wore nothing but blond 
wigs, I also learned that Nefertiri had been 
forced to discover by the boasts of User- 
mare Himself—and on the night the soup 
was spilled!—that Rama-Nefru's own hair 
was also blond between Her thighs. No 
man had ever seen a sight like that. On 
hearing this truth, Nefertiri had burned 
every blond wig in Her wardrobe. Here 
the Vizier did not continue, but only 
closed onc wise, sad, much-dimmed eye 
and opened it with a wink. “The head of 


Rama-Nefru will yet be as bald as mine,” 
he murmured. 

That was the first visit paid to me, and 
others followed. Where the decorum in the 
Gardens of the Secluded was so great that 
I never touched a little queen’s hand, but 
for the one I did, here 1 could have had 
five men’s wives in as many days, and they 
had arts for seduction. It is the only sport 
left to those who grow no more beautiful. 
Needless to say, they were adept at finding 
the poisonous point of their gossip. So, 
Nefertiri was always hearing of the youth 
and beauty of Rama-Nefru, or how He 
Who used to speak of Nefertiri as She- 
Who-Sees-Horus-and-Set_ was using the 
same words now for Rama-Nefru. The 
lady who told me this, gave a low wail at 
the horror of living with Nefertiri after- 
ward. 

Now, my duty as Companion of the 
Right Hand was to be near the Queen. It 
was understood that I must accompany 
Her whenever She left the Palace, which 
was not every day, although often enough, 
for She delighted to search out rare sanc- 
tuaries throughout Thebes. Unlike User- 
mare, She was not only dedicated to 
Amon, but to gods revered in other cities, 
as Ptah in Memphi, or Thoth in Khnum, 
not to speak of the great worship of Osiris 
in Adydos, but these gods also had their 
little temples here with thcir loyal priests, 
often in the meanest places—at the back of 
a muddy lane with the children so igno- 
rant they did not bow their heads nor ex- 
press any sign of awe, but merely goggled 
their eyes. If the lane was too narrow for 
Her palanquin, She still promenaded on. 
Her fine feet and golden sandals to the 
very bottom of the alley, there to have Her 
tocs washed by the priests of this shabby 
little temple of—be it—Hathor or Bestet 
ог Khonsu, or in finer quarters down 
broad avenues, past the gates of mansions 
with their own pillars, sentries, and pri- 
vately commissioned small stone sphinxes, 
we might pass through the slender marble 
columns ofa “divine little temple,” as She 
expressed it, to pay homage to Mut, Con- 
sort to Amon, or to the temple of Sais-in- 
‘Thebes, which revered the strange goddess 
Neit. I found it hard to follow, all these 
temples of Ombos-in-Thebes, and Edfu- 
in-Thebes, Dedu-of-the-Del: - Thebes, 
or the temple of Ptah-in-Apis, which wor- 
shiped the god as He appeared in the body 
of the bull Apis. I had much to keep me 
busy with these temples. 

Afterward, She would shop. We would 
travel with Her guard behind us, and stop 
to a jeweler or a dressmaker, but these 
visits to fine quarters of the market in- 
terested Her less than the dirty little 
shrines, and I thought I understood how 
She wished to seduce the allegiance of 
every god. All the same, I suffered on these 
trips. As Her Companion, I was Her pro- 
tector, and if in the true privacy of my 


(continued un page 188) 


BARTENDERS’ SECRETS 


the inside tips on how to create tasty concoctions just like the pros do 


drink BY EMANUEL GREENBERG 
BY AND LARGE, Civilian bartenders handle the cocktail shaker 
deftly, whipping up creditable cocktails and coolers for 
themselves and friends. But homemade potables occa- 
sionally lack the elusive nuances that savvy pros impart to 
their offerings. Understandable. Your typical weekend golf- 
er doesn’t knock his tee shot 300 yards down the middle of 
the fairway à la Jack Nicklaus, either. Fortunately for the 
entertaining host, it’s a lot easier to raise one’s hospitality 


quotient than to lower one’s golf score. So what you have on 
these pages is a cram course in bartender smarts. It starts 
with an introduction to such exotic drink ingredients as 
passion fruit nectar, Falernum, orgeat and Bermuda-sherry 
peppers—which are a part of a serious barkeep's arsenal. 
This is supplemented by a searching study of insiders’ 
wiles: the arcane lore that canny barmen acquire with years 
of experience and guard zealously. Luckily, a number of 
the more gifted stick men have (concluded on page 160) 


CONSTRUCTION BY PARVIZ SADIGHIAN / PHOTOGRAPHY BY DON AZUMA 


Jfiasuny si saopf ay 
10014 35218n03 ay} *uospos 
әп8рәј-лоЃош 19] S, suidag 
sf214Q рир syogasng fo 
чәцәпф ssapoyput siy} sp 


ачу Ia 4 
AA ud $ 


IL ‘Joquids xəs jeuon 
-eu pur тарош Hiii ‘amqsespıods ogy 
auiospueu Ayjeuonesuas в “әм se ‘sy oym 
ләјвеш әпЙрә{-лоГеш рәуіуләә в :jsajrueur 
әреш [papi urosuv- IE au) јо asduis e 
s} 12ui[eq Je uei в ‘aa 2![qnd ay} oL 
szayoyid әлпәр Аир jo (с}9°) 
ә8р}пәзләй SuruurA jsaq ayy pue spaeme 
Sunog Агу 22141 sumo ay f(67'z) or 
ипл-рәшїрә pur (34813) suoseas шм-0р 
ш CGojs ui Чуу sp иеш siy) “Пе 13 
uV 'u^ojs12doo») 0} |10135 a]qeaaur sig 
ut days sayjoue ysnf *j22ds01j21 ut шәәв 
—Buno4 Sunog 40 s,andes] uvonauny 
ay) ur dn-sauuns ‘мол р UI 10% [ү 
‘piooas 6—6] e—uoseas jsej uorjoaJinsaa 
Педэѕед әүдеулешәл sty ue 'пәәв ләлә 
sey mods ay) sien sei uazop əy) 
Jo auo se papieS21 st зәшүрд '[eqaseq 30 
3[24I2 зәиш au) 'aenouqni aui apisino 
әріп e пәлә pue euuop eund e 
*oeroutaed auj1apaoq e ‘эви1риоцоой/ц в 
se шц ajeasruap fay) *1xau ay) ur eU 
Jo ЦЕН әпи в wy [еә ss[on() aow 
njeg морәј sty ‘qesq auo uy ләшү 
Ile Jo yseaj—szawyeg Aıorpenuoa А] 
-1uajsisuoo au sürouej ApoqAue зәцзәцм 
Sunqnop Zauunf of sajeunuea) sr 
"Куп, e e Smaq 1242 jo adoy H 
пәл1й sey ay ey) „ poojs1opunsrur Apajajd. 
un, OS se j[asuiq вәділовәр Аүилорлоу 
aq *Áepo] 334 `зәро оу peu seu [[eqaseq 
зе andy e or[qnd se pue pay1 se juSruq 
se 'sno1oure|3 se uaaq sey ze, ‘awed 
jeu ,xejnoy ш xejnoy Apueg Suneaq 
toz Jo ade əy) ye oiv sıeak I Salsas pl 
ay) ui nons e pauord ay Sue 1243 
"әд ирэ ләшү snout 
-0)0Q2Ip em JO A34 en € әлївп[ә моц 
38 suy и “AaB O ‘иеш ay) шапе! 
оз eso]po Á[Suruue]e вәшоә *ueamuapun 
Ils о) [uo papuayur “ето oanosoxer 
SIL 'мореце ur poxseur sr jjey 12410 ay) 
*payusip Aung st 2023 Surpoouq *£qoouud 
, eg Wf jo jey ‘pe Хәҹэо[ яні NI 


TIHMSOH WOL AG "ой 


PLAYBOY 


for elegance and sophistication: the em- 
bodiment of natural gifts, both athletic 
and personal. He stands, in short, for 
perfection. 

Strange as it may sccm in an age of 
manufactured images and cynical oppor- 
tunists, all the buttery praise for Palmer is 
basically true. His courtesy and common 
touch are rare and, as such things go, 
genuine. He gives his time—some would 
say squanders it—to charities both 
famous and obscure. As though that 
weren't enough, he is a doting father to 
his two teenaged daughters and а man of 
principles so lofty as to seem almost 
anachronistic. He has never gone free 
agent and, consequently, plays for a salary 
that is half that of players who've had half 
his career. He’s scrupulously clean-living: 
Some ballplaycrs snort coke; Palmer won't 
even drink one. Unpretentious in his 
clothes, car and home, honest to a fault, 
fanatically punctual and responsible, he is 
old-fashioned and moral. 

At 37, Palmer should be basking in the 
glow ofa brilliant career, taking the bows 
that feel best to an athlete as he faces the 
curtain of age. But always, for Palmer, 
with the spotlight have come the shadows. 
Instead of savoring those final bows, he 
says, “Tm tired of opening letters that say, 
‘Go to hell, Palmer.” Every day, he faces 
fans and teammates who feel deeply 
ambivalent toward him. To some Orioles, 
he's an acquired distaste. In the past six 
years, there has been more backbiting of 
Palmer than of all other Orioles combined. 
The recurrent criticism, from such players 
as Rick Dempsey, Doug DeCinces, Mark 
Belanger and Ken Singleton, is that Palm- 
er has great gifts but has often been hors 
de combat at the first sign of pain or pique. 
“Palmer has earned the right to be a hero 
here,” Orioles general manager Hank Pe- 
ters once said. “It’s a shame he isn't one. 
He’s badly damaged his reputation in this 
community" In Memorial Stadium, 
where catcalls are rare, the players most 
often booed are Reggie Jackson, who 
defected to New York, and Palmer, who 
has won 263 games for Bal mer. 

‘The sudden shifting of light and shadow 
in Palmer’s life was never more apparent 
than on the morning of the last regular- 
season game of 1982. Baltimore—the town 
that booed him and the team that doubted 
him—needed Palmer more than at any 
other time in the club’s history. The 
Orioles had won 33 of 43 games to tie Mil- 
waukee for first place on the season's next- 
to-last day. Before the final game, the 
Orioles suggested that Palmer take a corti- 
sone shot in his shoulder, which, that 
week, had become sore. With a pennant, a 
season at stake, many pitchers would have 
taken the shot without hesitation. Palmer 
balked. “I'd never taken a shot the day of a 
game,” he explained reasonably, “though 
Га taken them the day before. I didn’t 
want to take that chance.” 


The Orioles didn't press, partly because 
theyve come to believe that pregame 
excuses are essential to Palmer. As team- 
mate Al Bumbry puts it, “When Jimmy's 
got his alibis all lined up, he’s tough to 
beat.” 

This time, Palmer lost. 

He was stunned not only by the 10-2 
defeat but also by a 15-minute standing 
ovation after the game, which left him and 
many others in tears. That same night, 
just hours after the most disheartening loss 
of his career—and the most precious ova- 
tion—Palmer flew 3000 miles to Los 
Angeles so that he could see his orthopedic 
specialist the next morning. 

As is so often the case when orthopedists 
examine sore joints, the doctor would find 
nothing wrong. 

Was this coast-to-coast medical trek the 
neurotic act of a hypochondriac or the 
kind of farsighted wisdom that allows a 
pitcher to win 300 major-league games? 

If, upon considering the Palmer conun- 
drum, the answer comes clear to you, call 
the Baltimore Orioles. They’ve wanted to 
know for 19 years. 

. 

Jim Palmer, as it happens, is one great, 
unresolved dialer in which every thesis 
is coupled with an antithesis—and not a 
synthesis in sight. Any list of his conspic- 
uous qualities turns out to be a recitation 
of opposites. Palmer’s inability to reach a 
synthesis in almost any area of his life is 
what makes him so baffling to his col- 
leagues. This is a guy who has gotten опа 
few nerves. Within the baseball world, the 
glossy view of Palmer—his public im- 
age—is seen as a sort of strange joke. To 
his peers, he’s an all-star eccentric who is 
pitied or clucked over protectively as often 
as he is envied. Yet, in the long run, it is 
his determined complexity, his refusal to 
embrace shabby compromises and blunted 
principles, that gives him dimension. 

Glimpse him in transit and he seems 
megamellow. During the season, he reg- 
ularly takes a dugout seat where he can 
work on his tan. In warm-ups, he lopes 
where others run. In or out of uniform, 

is motion is languid, his voice relaxed, 
his movements deliberate, confident. 

"Tm easygoing,” he says, sitting in the 
spotless, stylish living room of his sub- 
urban Baltimore home. If Gentlemen's 
Quarterly comes by for a photo spread, 
he won’t have to put a single sock in a 
hamper, The house, like every obvious 
manifestation of the man, is ready for a 
full-dress inspection. Asked to describe 
how Palmer played golf, his longtime man- 
ager and nemesis, Earl Weaver, said, 
“How do you think? Like he does every- 
thing else—perfectly.” If Palmer seems 
easygoing, it may be because that’s how a 
“perfect” person should appear. In fact, 
he’s completely manic, known, among 
other things, for mowing his lawn at six 
лм. “I’m really hyper,” the “easygoing” 


Palmer says sheepishly. 

Spending a lazy off-season afternoon in 
his house is like being trapped in a Rube 
Goldberg cartoon that’s gone haywire. 
In three hours, the phone rings nearly 20 
times. Each time, Palmer answers it before 
the second ring so his message machine 
can’t take control. Every call delights him. 
He's polite and amusing, inventing comic 
voices to deceive friends. He confirms 
appointments, makes appointments, cri- 
tiques past appointments (“It was sup- 
posed to be terrific. You wouldn’t have had 
me if you didn’t think it would be ter- 
rific"). The front door stays unlocked, 
because Palmer is in heaven when, while 
talking on the phone to one person and 
being interviewed by another, he can lean 
around the corner and welcome somebody 
else into the house. 

First, Paula, his girlfriend of long stand- 
ing, drops by. She’s a businesswoman, 
smart and not particularly deferential 
toward him. 

“How'd you like the Mozart I left?” she 


“Not much,” says Palmer. 

“Great taste,” she says. 

She’s slim, blonde and healthy-beautiful 
but makes no attempt to be flashy. She 
wears jeans and knee boots—the rubber 
kind you wear to work in the yard. 

“Just write good stuff about my pal,” 
she says. 

“That'll be the day,” says Palmer. 

Next to appear are his daughters, whom 
he calls the apples of his eye. Kelly, 13, 
plops herself onto his lap, and Jamie, 16, 
makes a split-second decision to join her 
father on his trip to California the follow- 
ing week. The girls will be back later for 
dinner, which Palmer can’t wait to cook. 
That, like gardening, is among his ardent- 
ly pursued diversions from baseball. 

Although he is a believer in the close- 
knit, old-fashioned family, Palmer got 
married at 18 and, in what is surely the 
most easily comprehensible of broken mar- 
riages, has found that he and his wife have 
grown apart. Talk of a divorce has gone on 
for years, but nothing has ever been set- 
Пед. So, wanting to give his daughters love 
while allowing both himself and his wifc 
some freedom, he has bought a house on 
the other side of the hill from theirs. An 
unusual arrangement, but decent. 

“My wife and I have been married for 
19 years,” says Palmer, mulling over the 
stress fracture in his family life. “It got toa 
point where neither of us could be our own 
person. But many of those 19 years were 
very happy ones. I don’t really see my 
marriage as a failure. 

“The kids know that they’re loved; my 
wife did an excellent job of preparing them 
so they’d look at me as their father and not 
as a celebrity, the way other people do. 
They know there isn’t anything in the 

(continued on poge 166) 


“Allright! I'll make brunch.” 


107 


SUSIE SCOTT SUGGESTED THAT WE MEET for dinner at La Caille at Quail Run, a cross between a restaurant and a country estate that lies at 
the foot of the Wasatch Mountains, outside Salt Lake City. She had posed for some of the pictures here (the ones with the swans) on the 
grounds and felt at home. We were shown to a table next to a huge fireplace. Susie introduced us to Stephen Wayda, the Utah-based 
photographer who had discovered her, as well as our Miss March, Alana Soares. We talked shop for a while. Susie was gracious and en- 
thusiastic. “I can’t believe the caliber of people I've met at rLAYBOY. The experience has been great. In fact, Im thinking of doing it ag 

I'm going to cut my hair short, dye it black, change my name, lose my accent and try out for Playmate all over again. Think it will 


“What would you like to know about me? I’m very independent. I love to run, read and travel. I'm a vegetarian. I love people, 
horseback riding, cross-country skiing; I like attention; and I like to be busy all the time. I like modeling. Enough?” 


Love at First Byte 


introducing susie scott, software specialist 


see her lose her delightful Southern accent. Susie, who was raised in Alabama, moved to Salt Lake 
City only three years ago, but already she has made an impression. “Months before the maga- 
zine was due to come out, the local TV stations had already called me for interviews. 
reporter asked me what my family thought about my becoming a Playmate. I told him 
nning, I didn’t tell my parents. Steve and I did the shootings on my lunch hour. When I had 
to go away on location for a weekend, I told my parents 1 was going camping. Once it was official, 
I broke the news. They arc now quite proud. And the attitude of the Utah people has been fantas- 
" Initially, there was some conflict: “Му parents are very religious. I come from 


Above, Susie gives us a shol of 
her personal best. “I don't think 
that men are intimidated by a 
competitive woman. They know 
that I take сате of my body." 
Below, Susie warms up for 
а ten-kilometer race in Liberty 
Park: “Its hard to win when 
you're trying to be photogenic.” 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA 


Alabama, the second most religious state 
in the country. I live in Utah, which is 
the most religious state in the country. 
My parents belong to the Church of 
Christ, which is a fundamentalist church, 
akin to Southern Baptist. 1 am religious. 
All of my life I was dictated to—dos and 
don'ts. But I’ve met people who do the 
things I was told not to do—people who 
are nice, who are worthy of respect. It was 
a revelation. I’ve changed my attitude. If 
you feel something is wrong and do it any- 
way, that’s hypocritical. If you were 
against nudity and posed for PLAYBOY, that 
would be wrong. But to someone else, it’s 
not a question of right or wrong. Is that 
clear? I don’t feel that this is inconsistent.”” 
Susie is thoughtful, reasonable. She is one 
of our few Utah Playmates, but she is our 
first Playmate to be a computer whiz— 
pethaps an even greater distinction. “I 
started work for Libra Programming 
when I was 16. I do some data entry, 
but, for the most part, I deal with operating 


At work (above) and at play (left and 
top). “Steve and I were out on a shoot 
when we saw these rock-climbers. It was 
the first time I'd ever done rappelling. 
I did it five times. It was great.” 


ш 


Im kind of partial to these 
photographs because 1 had 
so much fun doing them. 
Theyre supposed to show me 
the way I might have been in 
Alabama. Au naturcl. Re- 
laxed, for sure. No inhibi- 
tions. I's a bit of a contrast 
to the rock-dimbing shots, 
don't you think? At least I'm 
mot out there risking my life." 


“What are my fantasies? Most 
of my fantasies ате very 
sensuous. I love being in 
love. 1 love loving. My 
goal is to have someday a 
monogamous marriage, with 
bright, beautiful children.” 


support contracts that help 
clients figure out their machines. 
Libra has been a great place to 
work. They've given me the time 
off to pursue the PLAYBOY thing, 
to see what it holds. I am free to 
fly off for a shooting without fear 
of losing my job.” Susie is not 
your typical computer person— 
she made us rethink our attitude 
about people in the profession. 
“One of the guys, who works for 
IBM, brought his 13-year-old 
son around to meet me—his first 
Playmate. The son even wrote 
me a letter. I was flattered.” As 
dinner progressed, she told us 
more about her background. 
My father is a quality- 
assurance manager for General 
Telephone & Electronics. When 
we lived in Alabama, he built а 
house on 27 acres. It was a per- 
fect childhood. We boarded 
horses, had a kennel, cows, a 
large pond for fishing. I was 
raised in the backwoods. I 
thought I would never learn to 
drive. Moving to Salt Lake, to 
my first big city, was a big 
change. Utah is a physical state. 
There are mountains, lakes, des- 
erts—there’s always something 
to do, In Alabama, you had to 
make your own fun.” Like what? 
“What do you think? No, wait a 
minute, that doesn’t sound 
right. I went fishing. I played in 
the woods, I became interested 
in men. I just love men to death, 


“I'm not shy to the point that anyone could tell. 
But the more of a challenge a man is, the more 
inhibited I feel. I don't want someone wrapped 
around my finger. It’s nice to feel that you have 
to try to keep him. It keeps you on your toes." 


probably even more so now that I'm older and can 
appreciate them. I pick my friends rather carefully 
I'd rather have five close friends than 50.” Nowa- 
days, Susie makes most of her friends through 
sports. She is a serious runner. Her typical day: "Six 
aM, wake up. A half hour of stretching exercises. 
Run four to five miles, then breakfast. Eight to five, 
їх to 6:30, rest. Six-thirty to ten, visit friends 

or read." Her definition of free time may include a 
five-mile jog up Emigration Canyon or around one 
of the parks in downtown Salt Lake City 

Dinner at La Caille is winding down. Susie picks 
up the dessert menu dozen items that have 
a caloric content equal to the gross national d 
She has tasted every one and has her favorites. You 
look again, do a double take: There are benefits to 
burning 600 calories an hour, every day. All that 
roadwork allows true indulgence—or, rather, 
guilt-free satisfaction—in other arcas. Health 
precedes hedonism. Keeping fit for the feast. 
Susie expresses some disappointment that when 
she visited Playboy Mansion West she witnessed the 
first Playmate Play-offs but could not participate be- 
cause she was not yet officially a Playmate. “I have 
never been around so many women in such fine 
shape.” Look for her in next year’s play-offs, and 
place your money accordingly. 


ОҮ'5 PLAYMATE OF THE M 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


NAME dicere Serf 
west: . имет. 2.3 SNA 
mem: SS’ WEIGHT: CM 


EFF 


AMBITIONS: : anel 

ж =, . 
TURN-ONS: WERT: * e otaga ear atn; 
IY E LUI 


тше MOVIES: د ی کے ر‎ PA Arthur. 


and) Farden of de Koat ей 


p = сез 


FAVORITE PLACE: 


IDEAL EVENING: cake, „ 
Jae © аёаа Ale cleaning 
а 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


105 generally agreed that it was the youth vote 
that swung the election in your favor,” said the 
interviewer. “Tell me, how did you manage to 
get so many young people to go to the polls?” 

“It was simple,” replied the crafty politician. 
“1 got the word out that voting booths were a 
brand-new video game." 


Underground literary footnote: The little boy 


whose nuts grew every time he told a lie was, of 


course, named Pistachio. 


м 


Aner providing rather mediocre service to the 
wealthy widow, the handsome stud was dis- 
tressed when she tried to pay him with a check. 
He grudgingly accepted the payment, then ex- 
claimed, “Hey, this isn't a check. Its only the 
stub!” 

“That makes us even,” the woman replied. 


Nympho Venus, who hailed from Salinas, 
Had a thing for a medical penis. 

When M.D.s gave her shots, 

It would heighten her hots, 
And a doc might then shoot intra-Venus. 


You know, Max,” the New York dress manufac- 
turer remarked to his business partner, “that 
zaftig, brassy new receptionist, Miss Feuer, cer- 
tainly throws herself at men. 

“Like it says, Julius,” responded Max, “where 
there's schmuck, there's Feuer." 


Í have some quite bad news for you,” the grade 
school principal advised the woman. "l per- 
sonally overheard your sexually precocious 
daughter offering to . . . to. . . well, offering to do 
an F word with a boy in her class!" 

“An F word? But we've told Mary Ruth never, 
never to use any four-letter words!" the girl's 
mother protested. 

“That means I have some worse news for 
you,” the principal continued. “The four-letter 
word she used has eight letters!” 


There's only one thing hard in our life together,” 
the aging tycoon's 22-year-old wife confided to 
her best friend, “апа that’s his hearing.” 


While I'm away on the Crusade, that horny, 
crafty jester will no doubt be up to something,” 
the king told the royal armorer, "so I want you to 
make a chastity belt for the queen that’s fool- 
proof.” 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines fired fairy as 
acanned fruit. 


As a matter of fact,” the woman in the bathrobe 
told the door-to-door salesman, “the man of the 
house was in until you began leaning on the bell!” 


Since my nieces are darlings,” said Sid, 
“I oblige them—I do what I'm bid.” 

As he tucked them in bed, 

He asked, “What's to be read?” 
“ ‘Uncle Remus? " they cried—so he did. 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines wet dream as 
the winner of a damp-T-shirt contest. 


The female roommates had distinctly different 
interests: One was an avid softball player; the 
other preferred sexual sports. On a certain eve- 
ning, the former returned to their apartment 
from the park diamond just as the latter's current 
beau was leaving 

“How did your team do this time?” inquired 
the one with hot pants. 

“Not too well,” answered her roommate, the 
athlete. “We took a terrible pounding. How did 
you make out?” 

“Much better,” was the smiled reply. “My 
pounding was terrific.” 


Why did you divorce the marquis?" the ex- 
Marquise de Sade was asked. 
“Beats me,” she replied. 


What good does it do to hear you claim that you 
have an open mind about intercourse,” the frus- 
trated husband snapped at his wife, "when the 
rest of you is closed to it?” 


Ү. know, sonny,” cackled the raunchy old man 
to the adolescent, "many's the time I made out in 
the back of a Stutz Bearcat.” 

“Please, Great-grandpa!" said the youth. “I 
think kinky stuff with animals is gross!” 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on а post- 
card, please, ta Party Jokes Editor, viAvsov, 
Playboy Bldg., 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, 
IIL 60611. $50 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


ee 
5 
2 
zt 


SOR 
ES 


. 


7 


X 


attire 
By DAVID PLATT 


YOUR WARDROBE is not all that 
dissimilar to your record col- 
lection: Through the years, 
you pass over the fads and 
come back to those things 
that touch the deepest chords 
of satisfaction. In music, The 
Modern Jazz Quartet qual 

fies as a contemporary classic. 
It has staying power—as evi- 
denced by its recent regroup- 
ing. (The quartet broke up in 
1974 after 22 years of great 
gigs.) The clothes the mem- 
bers model here also hav 

staying power. Each outfit is a 
cornerstone upon which to 
build a wardrobe. Sure, these 
dothes are safe, but if you 
were a mountain climber, 
wouldn't you opt for a rigor- 
ous testing record in selecting 
ropes to get you to the top? 


Neor right: John Lewis, The Modern 
Jazz Quortel's pianist, wears a ch 
sic wool blazer, $450, with on Argyle 
sweater vest, $115, gabordine 
slacks, $125, buttondown shirt, $75, 
and o wool/sik tie, $36, all by 
Mouries Einat. Drummer Connie Kay, 
next to Lewis, likes a tropical woo! 
suit, by Ermenegildo Zegna for Bor- 
neys New York, $695; a cotton! 
polyester shirt, by Hathaway for Bar- 
neys, $28.50; and a silk tie, by Fendi 
for Barneys, $42.50. Vibraphonist 
Мін Jockson’s dimer jacket, by 
Kilgour, French and Stanbury for 
Barneys, $525. also has good vibes, 
as do his formal shirt, abaut $57, 
and silk/satin tie, $15, both by After 
Six. Boss player Percy Heath's time- 
less threads indude o linen sports 
jacket, about $175, linen slacks, 
about $80, both from Basco Sports- 
weor by Gene Pressman and Lance 
Karesh; o striped shirt, by Hatha- 
way, obout $31.50; and a knit 
fie, by Henry Grethel, $13. 


THE 


a continuing report on the state of the sexual union 


PLAYBOY READERS 
SEX SURVEY 


part three 


do bisexuals really double their chances of getting a date on saturday might? 
as with most questions brought up in this chapter, the answer is yes and no 


In January 1982, viaysov. published a 
133-йет questionnaire that asked its readers 
to report on their sexual habits, attitudes and 
identities. More than 100,000 readers re- 
sponded. We tabulated the results and ran an 
introductory article about them in our Janu- 
ary 1983 issue. 

We followed that in our March issue with 
an article that explored the effects of marital 
status on sexuality. We discovered significant 
differences in the sex lives of various groups: 
Single people differ from marrieds; marrieds 
differ from unmarried couples, people who 
live together differ from steady couples who 
haven't set up housekeeping. In that article, 
we reported that many social stereotypes about 
sex have been exploded by the sexual revolu- 
tion, while some time-honored clichés still 
hold sway—with allowances for recent 
change. 

This month, we turn to the world of sexual 
identity—possibly the most important factor 
in determining the differences in our chang- 
ing sexual styles. 


IN THE FIRST two articles in this series, we 
reported that the men and women we 
surveyed are surprisingly similar in their 
sexual behaviors and attitudes. But in 


addition to setting up male-female com- 
parisons, we asked each respondent to tell 
us his or her sexual identity. That question 
brought forth some fascinating informa- 
tion. It also led to some fervent discussions 
at PLAYBOY regarding heterosexuals, 
homosexuals and bisexuals. We're about 
to bring you into those discussions. 

Are gay men more promiscuous than 
straights? Should homosexual men and 
women be lumped together, as they have 
been for so long? Is it true, to paraphrase 
Woody Allen, that being bisexual doubles 
your chances of getting a date on Saturday 
night? 

We'll be talking in detail about sexual 
identities, secret and otherwise—about 
sexual supermen and sexual Clark Kents. 
We'll compare the heterosexuals we sur- 
veyed with the rest as we go along. You 
сап make your own decisions. 

Homosexuals and bisexuals make up a 
small part of our sample, but they are bet- 
ter represented here than in any other 
recent study. There are 1179 homosex- 
uals—932 gay men and 247 lesbians—in 
our sample. There are 2786 bisexual теп 
and 948 bisexual women. Compare those 
numbers with previous studies: For their 


report Homosexuality in Perspective, Mas- 
ters and Johnson studied 176 homosexual 
men and women, as well as six men and 
six women they called ambisexual. Shere 
Hite based her research on homosexuality 
on some 800 gay men and 144 lesbians. 
Bell, Weinberg and Hammersmith’s fine 
1981 report, Sexual Preference, was based 
on 979 gay men and lesbians and 477 
straights in the San Francisco Bay Area. 
PLAYBOY's respondents come from all parts 
of the country. They represent every polit- 
ical, occupational and sexual persuasion. 
In addition, since their numbers are signif- 
icant, we can use percentages to compare 
the gays and the bi’s in our survey with the 
straights. Then we can draw relevant con- 
clusions from what they’ve told us. 

It’s worth noting that the terms hetero- 
sexual, homosexual and bisexual ought to 
be used as adjectives, not as labels. There's 
a whole spectrum to sexuality; contempo- 
rary sex is too colorful to be thought of as a 
three-position game. At the conclusion of 
this article, we'll take a close look at what's 
called the Kinsey scale. It's the best repre- 
sentation we have of that sexual spectrum. 
For now, let's just say that when you call 
someone a homosexual it’s like calling him 


a left-hander. It's only part of what he is. 
We will occasionally bow to popular 
usage by using the terms as nouns. But 
we're referring to behavior, not to people. 
We've learned from this project that how 
people describe themselves is more impor- 
tant than how the world labels them. 

Many sociologists believe that sexual 
behavior depends more on gender 
(whether you're a man or a woman) than 
on sexual identity (whether you're 
straight, gay or bi). That makes a kind of 
sense. You don’t have to be Alex Comfort 
to know that a gay man’s equipment is a 
lot more like a straight man’s than like any 
woman’s. But some take the idea even 
beyond behavior. 

In 1981, in an article titled “What 
Homosexuals Want in Relationships," 
Letitia Anne Peplau wrote, “Whether one 
is a man or a woman has more to do with 
attitudes toward intimacy than sexual 
orientation does." There's some support 
for that in our study. We've certainly 
found it true for some attitudes people have 
about relationships. The women in our 
survey, for instance, generally feel that 
they communicate with their partners 
effectively. Fewer men think they do. Men 
of all orientations value good looks in a 
potential partner more than women do. 
Women—whether straight, bi or les- 
bian—are more likely than men to think 
sex outside a steady relationship will have 
dire consequences on the relationship. The 
women who answered our question- 
naire value sexual fidelity more than the 
men do. 

However, our results indicate a some- 
what different over-all conclusion from the 
one at which Peplau arrived. There are 
striking differences between the behaviors 
and attitudes of gay men and lesbians. 
There are striking differences between 
those of bisexual men and bisexual 
women. But we found that straights—male 
and female alike—tend to congregate near 
the middle of the road. They're more tra- 
ditional, more conservative, less likely to 
be sexual adventurers. They're in surpris- 
ing agreement about sexual matters. So 
much so, in fact, as to throw suspicion 
on the theory that gender is what 
determines sexual attitudes and practices. 
Our conclusion is that sexual identity may 
be as important as any factor in under- 
standing pcople's sexual lives. 


We're going to examine those differ- 
ences in behaviors and attitudes and see 
how sexual identity influences the lives of 
our respondents. We'll discuss gay men 
and lesbians later. First, let’s go directly 
to the thick of things—where there may 
be more action than anywhere else. 


BISEXUALS: BOYS AND GIRLS TOGETHER? 


Bisexuality, as a concept, is as clear and 
useful as Jimmy Carter's foreign policy 
was. What does it mean? Is a person who 
has slept with at least one man and one 
woman a bisexual? If so, most of the gays 
out there are really bi's. Does a bisexual 
have to sleep with equal numbers of men 
and women? Then hardly anyone 
qualifies. 

It is a strange and cloudy term. It over- 
laps other categories. A great many social 
scientists would just as soon do without it. 

So what do we make of thc 2786 mcn 
and the 948 women in our survey who call 
themselves bisexuals? Are they sexual half- 
breeds or just people who like to keep their 
options open? 

In the first place, pure half-and-half 
bisexuality is very rare. The bisexuals tell 
us that they usually have sex with mem- 
bers of the opposite sex. Only occasionally 
do they have homosexual encounters. In 
fact, more than a third of them are mar- 
ried. Maybe the best way to characterize 
them is to say that there’s a lot of fluid- 
ity in their behavior. 

However infrequently they have it, most 
want gay sex to be an ongoing part of 
their lives. Only 16 percent of the bisexual 
men say their current experience is pri- 
marily gay. But 63 percent say they some- 
times, or at least rarely, engage in gay sex. 
Twelve percent of the bi women say that 
their current experience is primarily les- 
bian. But 61 percent sometimes, or at least 
rarely, have lesbian sex. So not only do 
bisexuals want to keep their options open, 
most of them do so. 

Does that mean Woody Allen had the 
right idea? Our answer must be a ringing 
“Sort of.” Bi women do seem to double 
their chances. Bi men don’t. More on that 
later. 

The bisexual males we surveyed average 
32 years of age. The bi females average 26. 
As we noted, there are more ЫЗ than 
homosexuals among our respondents. 
"There are many fewer bi's than straights. 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY KINUKO Y. CRAFT 


Most of the bisexuals, like the rest of the 
rLAVBOY respondents, arc a little better 
educated and a little more affluent than 
the norm. 

Like all our other groups, they think 
love is life's main ingredient. We asked 
cach respondent to list the things that are 
most crucial to his or her personal happi- 
ness. Fifty-one percent of the bi women 
and 31 percent of the bi men put love first. 
It’s the top response overall among bisex- 
uals, but it’s not as strong a first choice for 
bi'sas for our straight respondents. Bi men 
and women tend to value sex a little more 
highly than the other groups. They're 
close to straights in considering family life 
extremely important. Twenty-three per- 
cent of the bi men say that family life is 
their top priority, compared with 26 per- 
cent of the heterosexual men. Twenty-one 
percent of the bi women put family life at 
the top of thc list, compared with 22 per- 
cent of the heterosexual women. (A small- 
er percentage of gay men and lesbians 
value family life so highly.) 

Most of the bisexuals are active in both 
straight and gay sex. At the same time, 
19 percent of the males and 18 percent of 
the females report no homosexual experi- 
ence as adults. So why don’t they say 
they're straight? Sometimes, such people 
are called ideological bisexuals: They be- 
lieve that they are inherently bisexual but 
haven’t had the chance to prove it yet. 

In some ways, bisexuals seem to have 
staked out a middle ground between 
straights and homosexuals. Thats the 
territory most people set aside for them. 
There’s some support in our data for such 
a view. We'll look at the statistics shortly, 
but here are some generalities: 

"The bi's we surveyed have more adoles- 
Cent homosexual experience than the 
straights. They have less, overall, than the 
gay men and the lesbians. 

Bi women fake orgasms more than 
straight women but less than lesbians. Bi 
men fake more than straight ones but less 
than gay ones. 

In these and other areas, the bisexuals 
reflect а combination of straight and gay 
experiences. Sometimes, behaviors aver- 
age out in survey results and bi’s wind up 
in the middle. But a bisexual is not just an 
amalgam of a straight person and a gay 
person. In fact, it’s a mistake to think of all 
bisexuals as a (continued on page 136) 


130 


THE YEAR IN 


OVE; 


OBVIOUSLY, the year іп 
movies belongs to Steven 
Spielberg, the head of that 
video/film conglomerate 
known as E. T. & T. E.T. 
The Extra- Terrestrial cost 
$10,500,000 to make and 
roughly half that to sell. 
It opened June 15th and 
made $11,900,000 the first 
weekend. Show Business, the 
Insiders Newsletter said, 
“Looks good, but it’s no 
Star Trek II.“ Right. As ап 
aside, we should point out 
that for most of Hollywood, 
movies that come quick are 
good news. Over the sum- 
mer, we were treated to 
headlines in Variety that 
claimed that Rocky III had 
set а weekend record, sell- 
ing more than $16,000,000 
worth of tickets in the first four days at 939 theaters. 

(In Hollywood, four days equal one weekend.) Other 
ads proclaimed Star Trek II the winner, with 

$14,300,000 in three days. Who cares? According to 

Show Business, summer ticket sales were 1.4 billion 


dollars, of which 25 percent 
was accounted for by E. T. 
and Rocky III. The top eight 
films of the summer did 
about half of the year's 
gross. For most of you, the 
summer in movies consisted 
of E.T., Rocky III, Star Trek 
П, Poltergeist, The Best Little 
Whorehouse in Texas, Annie, 
Firefox and An Officer and 
а Gentleman. Christmas 
added 48 HRS., Tootsie, 
Sophie's Choice and Gandhi, 
a three-hour movie about 
the world’s most famous 
vegetarian, If, by апу 
chance, you still had some 
discretionary income, you 
could have treated yourself 
to some minor but magic 
pictures. Barbarians made a 
comeback in 1982. We liked 
The Beastmaster, The Sword and the Sorcerer and Conan 
the Barbarian, which offers one magic moment when 
the witch has an orgasm, turns into a fireball and 
ricochets around the room. On second 
thought, that is not magic. Happens in 


We don’t usually compete with the 
Oscars, but we can’t resist giving Best Ac- 
tress laurels to Dustin Hoffman for Tootsie 
(right). We-look forward to the sequel, 
Tootsie's Choice. Another prize goes to the 
unknown actress in Diner (above right): 
The whole movie went by without our 
seeing the bride, who had to pass a pre- 
marital football quiz. Peter O'Toole 
(tabled, middle right) gets our Guess 
Who's Coming to Dinner? Award for My 
Favorite Year. Susan Sarandon, in 
Tempest, wins the Jackie Bisset 
Wet T-Shirt Award. We 
liked the other girl, 

Molly Ringwald, too. 
Bob Hoskins (bottom far 
right) gets our Godfather 
Award for The Long Good Fri- 
day. Finally, the Comeback Award 

to Richard “If God Had Wanted to 
Punish My Ass, He Would Have 
Burnt My Dick" Pryor (far right) for 
his terrific Live on the Sunset Strip. 


here we go again with the good, the bad and the gory: unforgettable moments from the cinematic output of the past 12 months 


our apartment every weekend, Sure. Then there is a scene in I, 
the Jury that will go down with the shower scene in Psycho for the 
Our Worst Fears Confirmed Award: The chef at a Tokyo-style 
restaurant stops chopping steak and slashes the throat of a 
woman diner. Neat. There was an increasing alliance between 
Hollywood and business in 1982. Merchandising was the big 
word. We're surprised someone didn't start a line of J. the Jury 
Japanese sushi bars. Or a linc of make-up products based on the 
morning-after face in Pollergeist (right). It was bad enough 


their premier product, The Fatty Arbuckle Story. Moving right 
along: It was a great year for foreign films, especially from Aus- 
tralia. Mel Gibson gets our award for Best Hero of the Year 
(only Sandahl Bergman and Amold Schwarzenegger came 
close). The Feral Kid should have a sequel of his own; if they 
market his razor-edged boomerang, there are a couple of kids 
in the neighborhood who deserve one. Even the French managed 
to make a movie that didn't sound like a first-year lecture 
in psychology. Diva was 


Fifties. 


Atomic Café is а documentary about 
Government propaganda films of the 
One shot shows then- 
Senator Richard Nixon on the. 
steps of the Capitol, о huge 


cold sore on his upper lip. 
Audiences gasped, “' 

Was that the cause of the 
epidemic—all those Republi- 
con babies Nixon kissed dur- 
ing Presidential campaigns? 


seeing E. I. s face in every store 
window at Christmas. When the 
folks at Coca-Cola bought Columbia 
Pictures, there was a rumor that they 

planned a film that would feature 


Was that the secret behind 
the pardon? The producers of 
Atomic Cofé refused to give 
PLAYBOY a still from that scene. 
They said Atomic Café was not 
about herpes but about atomic wor- 
fare, the only known cure for herpes. 


wonderfully weird; it 
could even play at a drive-in, 
which is the ultimate test of quality film making. Finally, 
we'd like to thank A. T. & T. for not using E. T. in its ads. We 
guess when you're a monopoly, you don’t have to have fun. 


MAGICIMOMENTY 
We've developed survival skills: Never go to movies with sub- 
titles. Never go to movies with Paul Williams sound tracks. Never 
go to movies starring Saturday Night Live stars. Eddie Murphy 
has changed all that. His performance as Reggie Hammond in 48 
HRS. is stunning, particularly in the showdown in the redneck bar 
below). Lines like “I've been in prison for three years. My dick 
gets hord if the wind blows and "Lock of pussy makes you 
brave, man” also helped. 


132 


REALIMERID ONG) 

It was a year of confused sexuality. John 
Lithgow played a transsexual in The World 
According to Garp; Alex Karras, a gay 
bodyguard in Victor, Victoria. Paul New- 
man came out with a salad dressing (right) 
and plans to market an industrial-strength 
spaghetti sauce. Only Harrison Ford 
stayed true to his school, drinking blood: 
Blade Runner (left). Hang in there, kid. 


THE TEN BEST THE TEN WORST 


Das Boot: Life and death oboord a Germon submarine. Author! Author!: Al Pacina cll wrong for romantic comedy. 
Claustrophabia has seldom been so exciting. Cannery Row: John Steinbeck never had it so bad. Cinematic 
Diner: A burch of the boys whooping it up in Barry Levinson’s botulism, despite Nick Nolte and Debra Winger. 
eloquent ode to his misspent youth in Baltimare. Hanky Panky: Zilch comic chemistry between Gilda Radner and 
ET. The Extra-Terrestrial: And possibly the eighth wonder. Gene Wilder (they reportedly mixed better offscreen). 
Gandhi: Ben Kingsley’s matchless as the mahatma. I'm Dancing as Fast as I Can: Jill Clayburgh losing her mind, 
Mephisto: Shattering stuf, splendidly acted by Klaus Maria her credibility ond her audience. From the book, sort of. 
Brandaver оз a German stage star clicking his heels to Hitler. Inchon: Broinwash breeds hogwash. Someone spent tans af the 
Missing: Jack Lerman ond Sissy Spocek in Costa-Gavras’ Reverend Moon's money on this turkey. 
powerful, unforgettable political drama cbout Americans in Chile. Kiss Me Goodbye: Eunuchs may relish Sally Field (with James 
My Favorite Year: Vintage force, with the spotlight on Peter Coon and Jeff Bridges) in a desexed remake af Dona Flor. 
‘O'Toole, live and wild os a drunken stor in TV's golden Fifties. one from the Heart: A multimillion-dollar B movie. 
The Road Warrior (above): Aussie director George Miller's Partners: Homocidol is the best word to describe on unfunny 
cinematic know-how is breath-taking in a futuristic action movie. farce about on odder couple of cops. 
Tootsie: Glorious fun in grand company, topped by Dustin Hoff- Six Weeks: Mary Tyler and Dudley—Moores the pity—fulfll a 
man in drag as a soap-opera queen for awhile. dying child's fondest dreams. Reach far your borf bags. 


The Verdict: Maybe Paul Newman's best. The Toy: Clumsy, profitable comedy, guilty ef Pryor restraint. 


SUBMIT IT AGAIN, SAM 


YOU MUST 
REMEMBER THIS 


AILIN B 
ӨШ А ЗАГАР 
Chuck Ross took the screenplay for Саза- 
blanca and submitted it, under its original 
title (Everybody Comes to Rick’s), to 217 
Hollywood agencies. Ninety did not 
cad the screenplay. Thirty-three agen- 
cies recognized the script (with such com. 
ments as “Have some excellent ideas on 
casting this wonderful script, but most of 
the actors are dead”). Eight agencies 
noticed а similarity to Casablanca. Some 
thought the script (which won an Oscar) 
needed rewriting. Three agencies agreed 
to submit the work to movie studios; a 
fourth wanted to turn it into a novel. 


BES TILINES) 
‘Our favorite lines came from the strange 
movie Eating Raoul (below). Most 
memorable: "You're gonna need some 
lubricant with that vibrator. We've got 
K-Y and Lay Orgy gel. You tasteit, 
you buy it. The Lay Orgy gel comes 
in lemon, mint, cherry or trail mix.” 

e 


“Oh, Stingo, you look very nice— you're 
wearing your cocksucker.” 

“Seersucker.” (Meryl Streep and Peter 
MacNicol, in Sophie's Choice) 


5 
“It was nothing like that, penis breath.” 
(Henry Thomas, in E.T.) 


ШЕ" 


“Stay away from my daughter." (Edward 
Arnold, in Johnny Eager, recycled for 
Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid) 

“Can I use her underwear to make 
soup?” (Steve Martin, in Dead Men Don’t 
Wear Plaid) 


/ HATE TO SEE 
A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN 
DEGRADED 
LIKE THAT 


T 


RS 


“The Grim 


293 393 82893 д uus 50999 


In 1932, the drive-in theater was invented by Richard Milton Hollings- 
head in Camden, New Jersey. In 1982, the drive-in-movie critic was 
invented by Joe Bob Briggs for the Dollas Times Herald. Joe Bob 

| reviews only movies that open at drive-ins. Some sample comments: 

is not а monster; he's o believable humon being 

who likes to kill people ond then chew on them for o while" and “As | 
was saying, it was a giont katydid. It come lurching out of the trees and 
ripped this womon's clothes off ond had insect sex with her.” Joe Bob re- 


views such fore as Senior Snatch, Eager Beavers ond Mad Monkey Kung- 

Fu. Maybe even Surf ll (with Linda Kerridge, left). Joe Bob's triumphwos the 
First Annual World Drive-in Movie Festival and Custom-Cor Rally on Hal- 
loween, featuring Night of the Living Dead and Texas Chain-Saw Massocre. 


ACETU 
OF DANAE 


A few years ago, there was a crop of 
movies that seemed to exist merely as a 
vehicle for the sound track: Grease, Satur- 
day Night Fever, Urban Cowboy. Now, it 
seems, movies exist as elaborate commer- 
cials for video games. It was the year ofthe 
Techno-nerd. TRON, The Empire Strikes 
Back, Raiders, E.T.—all were packaged as 
home games. Most were unsuccessful. But 
is this the wave of the future? Is it too 
much to expect a full-length feature based 
оп Defender? Before you English majors 
slash your wrists, we hasten to note it was 
a good year for making novels into 
movies—The World According to Garp and 
Sophie's Choice worked well—and the re- 
verse: William Kotzwinkle's E.T. noveliza- 
tion was worth its weight in Reese's Pieces. 


E.T., Toke Il 


We were struck by similarities. First, there 
was the rash of sequels: Grease 2, Amity- 
ville И, Rocky HI, Star Trek П, Airplane IT, 
Halloween Ш. Hollywood discovered Ro- 
man numerals. But we have to give awards 
to Aileen Quinn’s cheeks (above left) and 
to Ricardo Montalban’s chest (above 
right) for Best Use of Silicone. Elsewhere: 
notice how much Scott 
Schwartz, the child actor who portrayed a 
spoiled rich kid in The Toy, resembled 
John McEnroe, tennis’ enfant terrible? If 
you thought the submarine in Das Boot 


Did anyone 


looked familiar, you were right: George 
Lucas rented it for Raiders. It subsequent- 
ly fell apart and sank. Shades of Twilight 
Zone. We saw a lot of movies about 
Moonies (Ticket to Heaven, Split Image) 
and about divorce (Shoot the Moon, Smash 
Palace). Did it strike anyone else as odd 
that Paradise was a dehydrated version of 
Blue Lagoon? Did anyone notice that both 
Meryl Streep and Jeremy Irons, who co- 
starred in The French Lieutenant's Woman, 
went on to play roles of Poles—in better 
movies (Sophie's Choice and Moonlighting)? 


TRON Equals TRON 


Raiders of the Arcade 


Empire Strikes Again 


шаўядаз cr? TE Jose 


Young Doctors in Love had a credit that announced: “This film wos made completely without 
laser effects.” For every high-tech movie, there was a film that returned to basics, to physi- 
cal action. We liked the fight іп 48 HRS. and the acrobatic battle between the replicants 
опа Harrison Ford in Blade Runner. We applauded Paul Newman's decking of Charlotte 
Rampling in The Verdict. We liked all of Rocky IIl (above) but especially the unseen (Rocky 
IV) fight between Weathers and Stallone and—if that weren't enough the uplifting karate 
bout between Richard Gere and Louis Gossett, Jr., in An Officer and a Gentleman (below). 


qu JO? OF Sa 1) CINEMAS 
Early last year, President Ronald Reagan cited the 
dear, dead, squeaky-clean good old days of cinema, 
when he portrayed baseball player Grover Cleve- 
land Alexander. When he went to bed with his 
wife (Doris Day), whatever happened there 
was not shown graphically, as it might be 
nowadays. Instead, said Reagan, the film 
showed a picture of the moon. Ronnie 
must have had a good year. In 1982, 
there were three lunar eclipses. For 
the rest of us, there were the 
movies. In Quest for Fire (right), 
Rae Dawn Chong invented fella- 
tio and gave instructions on the 

ssionary position. Hollywood 
seemed preoccupied with the 
penis. Mickey Rourke introduces 


his date to a popcorn surprise in Diner (top (above center). Need we bring up 
left). Hold the butter. The gym teacher in what happened to Mary Beth 
Porky's plays tug of war in the shower room Hurts lover in Garp when the car in 
(above left), while another jock, Mariel which she was blowing him was 
Hemingway, learns to hold on in Personal Best rcar-ended? Ahem. For straight sex, 
there was the incredible chemistry 

between Richard Gere and Debra 

Winger in An Officer and a Gentle- 

man (above right). As for kinky sex, 

it was the year that Hollywood dis- 

covered boi In I'm Dancing as 

Fast as I Can, Jill Clayburgh was 

tied to a chair and beaten. Less vio- 

lent were the lovers in Summer Lov- 

ers (left). Daryl Hannah tied Peter 

Gallagher and dripped hot wax onto 

i body. In Cat People (right), Nas- 

sia Kinski asked to be tied, in 

cordance with a city ordinance 

requiring pets to be kept on a leash. 


PLAYBOY 


SEX S URVEY (continued from page 128) 


Me thought sex was getting better for everybody. 
Apparently, we were wrong.” 


single group. If you look at bi men and bi 
women separately, you'll find amazing dif- 
ferences. 

Bisexual women, overall, scem as happy 
as clams and as busy as spring lightning. 
They get sex in both quantity and quality. 
They're generally younger, more sexually 
active and better adjusted than the bisex- 
ual men we surveyed. A healthy 70 percent 
of the bi women say that they're happy 
with their sex lives. 

Bisexual men are having a tougher time. 
Almost half report dissatisfaction with 
their sex lives. That makes them the un- 
happiest of all the groups in our sample. 
More than 60 percent of both the straight 
and the gay men are satisfied with (heir sex 
lives. Fewer than half the bi men say their 
sex lives have improved over the past five 


WHICH SEXUAL ACTIVITY PROVIDES THE 
MOST INTENSE ORGASM? 


Heterosexual Homosexual Bisexual 
Males Nales Males 
KEY. 
INTERCOURSE — -—9Á 
ORAL SEX —— 
ANAL SEX ڪڪ‎ ——-— 


MASTURBATION —— 
136 


years. They're the only group for which 
that's true. 

We thought sex was getting better for 
everybody. Apparently, we were wrong. 
But why are bi women happier than bi 
men? It appears that bisexual women may 
sec the world as a sexual smorgasbord— 
looking at every relationship as a sexual 
opportunity. A great many bisexual men, 
on the other hand, may be prospective 
homosexuals looking for an escape from 
heterosexual lives. Where are the differ- 
ences? Let’s look at the other things our re- 
spondents told us. 

Bisexual women are getting а lot of sex. 
Gay men have had the most lovers, but bi 
women may be even more progressive sex- 
ually. Being а female bisexual offers the 


WHICH SEXUAL ACTIVITY PROVIDES THE 
MOST INTENSE ORGASM? 


100%, 


Heterosexual Homosexual Bisexual 
Females Females Females 
KEY 
INTERCOURSE — 
ORAL SEX ڪڪ‎ 
ANAL SEX ڪڪ‎ с, 


MASTURBATION 


best shot at all sorts of dates for all sorts of 
Saturday nights. 

We asked our respondents how they get 
their most intense orgasms. Bi women 
choose oral sex (40 percent), masturbation 
(29 percent), then intercourse (26 per- 
cent). 

Sounds as if they're not crazy about in- 
tercourse, right? But they're getting more 
of it than anyone else. Sixty-nine percent 
say that they have intercourse “two or 
three times a week” or more. 

That much intercourse indicates that bi 
women are getting their sex in quantity 
from men. But that’s not where most of 
them get their intense orgasms: Cunnilin- 
gus tops that list. Since they like it so 
much, our suspicion is that they’re getting 
their high-quality sex with other women. 
Lesbians, as we'll see, are fluent cunnilin- 
guists, and theres no reason a phe- 
nomenon called intragender empathy 
shouldn't make bi women pretty good 
themselves. Men are not nearly so good at 
cunnilingus. We'll look again at in- 
tragender empathy in our section on les- 
bians. It means, essentially, that a woman 
knows what feels good to another woman. 

Some bi women will tell you that they 
simply love sex for its own sake and “don’t 
want to eliminate half the universe from 
consideration." Want some examples of 
that universal principle at work? 

* Bi women masturbate more than any 
other women in our survey. Eighty-nine 
percent say that they masturbate at pres- 
ent and hardly any will admit to feeling 
guilty about it. 

* Almost twice as many bi women as les- 
bians or straights use sexual devices. Nine 
ош of ten have tried them. Considerably 
more than a third use them regularly. Un- 
like straight women and lesbians, many bi 
women engage in anal stimulation during 
other forms of sex. (Sce chart on page 210.) 

Three out of four have had sex with 
two people within a 24-hour period. 

+ Only a third say that they're sexually 
faithful to their partners. Most of the 
straight women and the lesbians tell us 
that they're faithful. Twenty-two percent of 
the bi women say that they “try to be,” 
but close counts only in horseshoes and 
nuclear strikes. More than half of the mar- 
ried bisexual women we surveyed have 
had extramarital affairs. 

+ They start early. In response to the 
question “When did you first have inter- 
course?” the average age of every other 
group in our sample is more than 17. The 
over-all mean is 17.8. For bisexual women, 
the mean is 16.8. That may not sound like 
much of a difference, but when you're 
averaging large numbers of responses, a 
year is a lot. A shade less than half the bi 
women we surveyed were sexually experi- 
enced when they turned 16. Only 42 per- 
cent of the lesbians and 28 percent of the 
straight women started that soon. 

(continued on page 210) 


137 


nderfully trashy!” 


“Oh, Mommy! How wor 


20 QUESTIONS: CHARLTON HESTON 


the man to whom god gave the tablets talks 
about his headaches: the russians, the antinuke people and the absence of heroes 


pc sent Contributing Editor David 
Rensin to find out why Charlton 
Heston has chosen to speak out lately on a 
variety of public issues and to see what sort of 
man lives behind his history of larger-than- 
life roles. Rensin told us, “I arrived at Hes- 
ton’s huge house at 8:30 am., noticing the 
GUARD DOGS ON DUTY, STAY IN CAR AND BEEP 
новм sign as I negotiated his winding drive- 
way. He met me at the door and we settled 
into facing Eames chairs for three hours. 
Heston took great pains lo make each point 
absolutely clear; but in relaxed moments, he 
took himself a good deal less seriously than the 
public might expect. He has a weakness for 
peanut butter, and he makes good coffee.” 


1. 


PLAYBOY: Do you feel that the media are 
taking pot shots at you because of your 
extraprofessional activities? 

Heston: Pve taken fairly exposed positions 
for some time now, back to the civil rights. 
days. But I have never felt myself terribly 
ill used by journalists. If you're going to 
take a public position on some issue, press 
coverage is to your advantage. If you can't 
handle it so that it comes out reasonably 
supportive, then it’s your fault. Then 
there’s the entire legitimacy question. 
Every time I’m asked, “How do you think 
we should regard what you and Paul New- 
man say about the nuclear freeze?” I say, 
“Very skeptically. I hope you regard what 
anybody says about the nuclear freeze very 
skeptically." 


2. 

PLAYBOY: Just because you're an actor? 

ueston: "That's right. Actors are not pre- 
sumed to be professionally involved in that 
issue. When I talk about the Screen 
Actors Guild, on the record, it can be pre- 
sumed 1 know what I’m talking about. I 
feel that I have a right to shoot my mouth 
of. Unfortunately, it’s the media that 
would prefer to have me and Newman 
debating the nuclear freeze than Edward 
Teller and Admiral Turner. In our favor is 
that we're supposed to know how to com- 
municate effectively. Besides, I don’t think 
I should have to abandon my right as a 
citizen to speak out in public. And if I 
sound like a jerk, there's a faint risk that 
someone will, out of context, distort what I 
say and make me seem a jerk. But that's 
a small risk. And what can Ї do about 
it, anyway? It's up to me to sound as rea- 
sonable and moderate as I can. It’s nota 


PHOTOGRAPHY EY PENNY WOLIN 


question of propricty. Just a question of 
not looking like an asshole, you know? 


3. 


PLAYBOY: Considering all the heat you took 
in your battles with Ed Asner and in the 
midst of continuing controversies within 
the Screen Actors Guild, why did you 
choose to speak out on the nuclear issue? 
What drew you into the debate with 
Newman? 

Hesron: When this nuclear-freeze thing 
started, I was quite sure it was a mis- 
take—that it was unverifiable, unnego- 
tiable and unfair But I also thought, 
Come on, Chuck, take a pass on this one. 
Then Paul called a press conference. The 
spine of his support of the freeze was 
"What's all this nonsense about the Soviet 
Union’s not keeping its treaties? It keeps 
its treatics as well as anybody clsc." And I 
thought, That does it. There are much bet- 
ter arguments he could make. 

Although Paul and I have never been 
close, Гус always respected him. He's a 
Democrat, I'm independent, but weve 
often found ourselves in support of 
the same candidate. And І think he's a 
fine actor. The casual encounters we've had 
have always been amicable. Therefore, 
I was shocked when I went in to do 
the debate and he wouldn't shake hands 
with me. I said, “Ні, Paul. How are you?” 
And he said, hate this personal shit 
you'vc been doing." Which is not truc. I 
think it's a great mistake to make personal 
attacks on anyone with whom you'rc dif- 
fering on a public issue. I understand it's a 
debating technique if you want to make 
someone mad. I remember when I made 
my first statement. I thought very careful- 
ly about what I would say about Paul. I 
mentioned the clear refutations of record 
ol his position on the Sovicts' abrogation of 
treaties. I said that if in the face of that 
Paul felt that the Soviets had kept their 
treaties, he was singularly innocent. That's 
not a very pejorative comment to make 
about somconc. I could have said he was a 
stupid son of a bitch. But I didn't feel it. I 
remain hurt that he would take personal 
offense at that. Unlike Asner, I separate 
out the personal. It was stupid of Asner to 
call me a cocksucker within range of 17 
microphones. 


4. 


ғілувоу: How friendly are you and Presi- 
dent Reagan? Do you call him Ronnie? 


HESTON: Lam a great admircr and support- 
er of President Reagan’s, but our intimacy 
is exaggerated. A few weeks ago, a reporter 
asked if I could just pick up the phone and 
get the President. I said I hoped not. And 
I certainly wouldn't try. If there is somc- 
thing that I want to bring to his attention, 
I can call somebody like Mike Deaver. But 
I can't imagine the circumstances that 
would make me call Reagan directly. 
We've sat around in social situations. 
Гуе known him for years. But it would 
never occur to me to call him Ronnie 
now—though I did when we were on the 
S.A.G. board together. I call his wife Nan- 
cy, but Гус known her longer. Гус spent a 
lot of time with people of some significance 
and it’s never occurred to me to try to in- 
crease the informality of our relationships. 


5. 


PLAYBOY: But you've been to the White 
House. How’s the food? Ever get lost 
there? 

HESTON: By and large, the food’s very good. 
I know the first floor and the ground floor 
reasonably well, but it is awfully easy to 
get lost. I spent most of my time there 
when I was working on the arts task force. 
They have a whole basement area of offices 
and it’s very complicated geography. You 
say, “I have to go to the bathroom. Which 
way is it?” And someone says, “Go down 
the hall, turn right.” Ifyou take the wrong 
turn, you suddenly sce this big guy asking, 
“Can I help you?” You don’t get lost there 
for long. 


6. 


PLAYBOY: You've spent a good deal of time 
in period costumes. What do you wear 
around the house? 

HESTON: Tennis clothes a lot. And warm-up 
clothes. My wife and my daughter both 
tell me that Ї don’t have very good taste in 
picking clothes, and I'm willing to rely on 
their judgment in that area. Clothes aren't 
very important to me. I like old clothes 
For instance, these trousers I’m wearing 
were made for The Omega Man. These 
boots, which I have in both black and 
brown, are copies of some Arabian boots 
made for Ben-Hur. The originals were a 
fawn color with purple patterned overlays. 
I remember taking them to Maxwell’s, a 
bootmaker in London, I said, “Could you 
guys make me a pair of these?” The guy 
said, “I don't think we can do that kind of 
thing, sir. No, (continued on page 205) 


139 


Aougauid 


ite dirty!” 


“Gosh, Herbie! I love it when you wr 


мо 


how men became mind readers 


ONE DAY, a bold hunter went into the bush 
to hunt. On the same day, a lion was hunt- 
ing there and also Dom, a native. lt bap- 
pened that the hunter came upon a place 
where an antelope was standing, and he 
was about to fit an arrow to his bow when 
he saw Dom kill it. 

The lion saw this, too, and, coming out 
of the bush, he approached Dom and said 
to him, “This is my antelope, for I was 
stalking it and I ran it down." 

“I made the kill and the antelope is 
mine,” said Dom. 

The lion said, “Let us ask someone else 
to decide, then.” 

“I agree,” said Dom. “Let us ask the 
hunter who is standing behind that tree. 
Hunter, you can come out and tell us your 
opinion. We will not hurt you.” Now, Dom 
had the gift of divining everything that 
other people were thinking, and he knew 
that the hunter was afraid that the lion 
would bite him if he decided in favor of 
Dom. 

So, taking courage, the hunter came out 
and gave his opinion. “It was Dom and 
not the lion who made the kill. If several 
hunters are following a prey, the man who 
wounds it and the man who makes the kill 
should share it. But, in this case, though 
Dom has the first claim, I think you might 
settle the matter by dividing the antelope 
between you.” 

Dom said, “I agree to that. But I sug- 
gest one share for the lion, one share for 
the judge and one share for me.” And so 


a West African legend 


they cut up the antelope and heaped the 
meat into three portions. The lion took his 
share and went away. 

Dom said to the hunter, “Pick up our 
shares and come with me to my house.” 

The hunter thought to himself, Once he 
has got me to his house, he will surely kill 
me. 

But Dom read his thought and said, 
“You handled the affair with the fierce lion 
very well, so do not be afraid. I will not 
hurt you.” 

They journeyed on and, after a long 
time, they arrived at Doms farm. The 
hunter put down the meat. Dom’s wife and 
his two children picked it up and placed it 
to one side. One of Doms two children 
was a very beautiful girl. When the hunter 
saw her, he thought to himself, I would 
like very much to sleep with that girl. 
Then I would gladly die. Dom, who never 
had any difficulty in reading other people’s 
thoughts, said, “The girl is my daughter. 
Sleep with her as much as you like. But 
you will not have to die because of it.” 

The hunter thought to himself, How can 
Dom possibly know all that I am thinking? 

Dom said, God tells me. God tells me 
everything.” Dom gave the hunter a big 
house. Then Dom called his daughter. Her 
name was If-you-serve-the-man-well-God 
will-not-punish-you. Dom's daughter 
came. Dom said to her, Clean up the 
house for the hunter.” The girl did so. 

That evening, the woman prepared a 
tasty meal. The girl brought a dish full of 


LLUSTRATIONBY BRAD HOLLAND 


Ribald Classic 


good food into the hunter’s house. The 
hunter ate. The girl stayed with him. He 
slept with the girl. The hunter remained in 
Dom’s house for six days. 

Then the hunter went to Dom and said, 
“Now I must go home. I beg you to give 
me some of the medicine that enables you 
to tell what other people are thinking.” 

Dom said, “I will give you some of the 
medicine and I will also give you my 
daughter for your wife“ Dom fetched the 
medicine and said, “Here is the medicine. 
When you get home, put it on your food. 
But do not chase away the goats if they 
also want to eat some of your meal.” 

"The hunter said, “Very well.” 

The bunter took the medicine and 
Dom's daughter and left the place for the 
village where he lived. On arriving home, 
he decided to try the medicine at once. 
Having taken out the medicine, he was 
about to put it on his food and eat it when 
the goats came crowding around. The 
hunter tried to hit the goats. But as a re- 
sult, he dropped the medicine, which 
chanced to fall on his penis. 

That is why the ability to read the 
thoughts of others was acquired not by the 
man’s head but by the man’s penis. And 
ever since that time, whenever a woman 
has entertained loving thoughts about a 
man, his penis has known immediately. 
And ever since that time, his penis 
has risen. —Retold by N'gomo Mitchell 


141 


_NASTASSIA KINSKI 


the enticing new star performs for playboy in an exotic fantasy 


F 


personality 
By BRUCE WILLIAMSON 
SHE io nano To pin down, perhaps because 
success has driven her all over the map, 
from Munich and London to Rome and 
I. A., for starters, As an international 
nomad—and, arguably, the hardest- 
working Wunderkind in world cinema 
v—Nastassia Kinski keeps a 
Paris, has recently leased a 


For PLAYBOY, world-famed phatographer Hel- 
mut Newton created on exotic psychodrama 
hinting at о subtle bond between German- 
born Nastassia Kinski and a Marlene Dietrich 
doll, with James Tobock, Kinski’s director in 
the movie Exposed, as the oncamera mystery 
man. Above, he watches Kinski flouncing in 
falsies. Says Toback, “I felt almost like a 
prop—slightly decadent, if not depraved,” 


PHOTOS BY HIELIMUT NEVWTON 


hideaway in the Bahamas and owns 
another apartment overlooking Manhat- 
tan’s Central Park. Which is not where 
she receives members of the press, at 
least not for the moment. “It’s a mess,” 
she says nonchalantly, flopping into an 
easy chair while waiting for room service 
in the Park Avenue hotel suite that will 
be home for the next several days. She 


Above, Kinski with her three latest leading 
men (fram the tap): Dudley Мооге, in Un- 
faithfully Yours; Rudolf Nureyev, in Exposed; 
‘ond Gerard Depardieu, in The Moon in the 
Gutter. On the apposite page, Exposed direc- 
tor Tobock becomes more deeply invalved in 
the Dietrich fantasy with Nastossic. Com- 
ments Newton: “She likes dressing up. She's 
just playing for him, turning him on." 


means that the apartment’s a mess be- 
cause she’s had no time to fix it up or buy 
things. The hotel suite is a mess, too, 
cluttered with flowers, cards, scripts, 
photographs, coffee cups and what all. 
Nastassia herself might be called a 
mess, but not by any sensitive observer. 
Slender and tawny, wearing jeans and a 
loose, oversize (continued on page 150) 


As Nostassio’s relationship with the doll inten- 
sifies, so does her relationship with the myste- 
rious man in white. Her equally cryptic 
comment: “Helmut brings out the strangeness, 
їп you, things a woman usually tries to hide.” 
Toback remarks, “I think Ње character | play 
is a surrogate for Newton himself." Says 
Newton, “I don't analyze or interpret my 
pictures. | leave that to other people.” 


Finally, Toback (right and inset) found himself 
“pleasantly detached from this escapade, 
almost floating from the heat, sun ond cham- 
pagne.” But while he’s woning, Nastassio, in 
‘ond out of feathers, waxes rhopsodic obout 
‘her dolls’ play under Newton's law: “Helmut 
loves women, ond I've rarely felt so much o 
woman in pictures . . . ploytul and noturol, yet 
with on inner quietness | olmost never know.” 


PLAYBOY 


INASTASSIA КІМ IEENPOSIZD 


(continued from page 146) 


“In this movie, I get to curse in an Italian accent. 
I especially love to curse in Italian, you know?” 


man's shirt, quick-witted but wary, she 
casts intclligent-fawn eyes over every new 
subject as if to see whether or not the ques- 
tions are loaded. She's the kind of irresisti- 
ble mess that makes poets reach for their 
pens and would have sent Renoir rushing 
to his easel. 

Ask her about being a world-class 
celebrity, frequently compared with such 
luminous ladies as Ingrid Bergman, Au- 
drey Hepburn and Greta Garbo, and she 
looks bemused. “This question comes up 
all the time, and I hate it. I don’t know 
what to do with it, what to say. They're all 
wonderful. Maybe there’s a similar some- 
thing that comes out through your pores, 
your cyes. Maybe it’s just being a woman 
who has glanced at things on the same 
planet where they lived; I dunno. My idol 
for a long time was and still is Romy 
Schneider. And Marilyn Monroe; she al- 
ways moved me, whatever she did. I could 
watch her movies forever. Whether you 
were a dog or a cat or a woman or a guy, 
you just loved her. There was something 
you could sce on her skin, a glow; she was 
so alive and exciting. . . ." 


The moment an idea excites her, Nas- 
tassia is on the move, flinging arms, legs 
and torso any which way to emphasize 
a point. “When Pm really down some- 
times, thinking Pm no good, ГЇ say to my- 
self, ‘Wait a minute, there’s still your 
mother, there's Dostoieusky and there's 
Marilyn Monroe? That's one way T can 
just lighten myself, you know, on those Бай 
days." You think for a split second that 
you've been thrown a curve, the kind you 
get from a Vegas showgirl who claims 
she’s into heavy literature, such as 
“Chekhov’s War and Peace.” But Nastas- 
sia is currently reading Proust. Really. 
The insecurity she mentions seems un- 
related to her impressive track record, At 
the age of 22, Kinski has a string of credits 
that aren’t all pearls but sound pretty daz- 
ling even so. She made a movie you never 
heard about with Germanys Wim Wen- 
ders when she was still a teeny-bopper, 
worked in German TV with Wolfgang 
Petersen (who directed Das Bool), co- 
starred at 17 with Marcello Mastroianni їп 
an Italian movie, became an international 
star in Roman Polanski's Tess, then did 
Francis Coppola’s One from the Heart, fol- 
lowed by Paul Schrader’s Cat People. By 
the time you read this, she will be bright- 
ening the screen opposite Rudolf Nureyev 
in James Toback’s Exposed (sec review, 


150 Page 38) 


‘Toback, who doubles as her partner in 
the accompanying Helmut Newton picto- 
rial, is a staunch ally and Kinski confidant 
who states, "Nastassia, alone among 
young actresses today, projects the quality 
of erotic mystery that has distin- 
guished all the grcat femmes fatales of 
cinema: Dietrich, Garbo, Bardot, De- 
neuve. But in my film, I feel she also 
shows for the first time an accessible quali- 
ty—she makes you feel that you could 
know her and she could know you.” 

By fall, there'll be another new movie, 
in French—The Moon in the Gutter, co- 
starring France's top male star, Gerard 
Depardieu, and directed by Jean-Jacques 
Beincix, whose stylish Diva became the 
hottest Parisian import of 1982. Beineix 
sings her praises on a hotline from abroad 
while putting finishing touches on Сел. 
Bien sür, no director with his head on 
straight is likely to lambaste his leading 
lady, but Jean-Jacques eulogizes Nastassia 
well beyond the call of duty. “In my 
movie,” says he, “she’s a queen in the 
trash, dressed by Dior and driving a red 
Ferrari, with a world of dirt, despair and 
ugliness around her. She has to be per- 
verse, tender, sweet and cruel—the eter- 
nal feminine. It's complex, but Nastassia 
is a dream and totally professional, dc- 
manding a lot from a director and never 
quite satisfied, because she gives you cv- 
erything from herself, every time . . . until 
you have to stop her, finally, and ask her to 
save something for the next take. She's a 
star, which in my language means more 
than being an actress or having technique. 
It’s that something special, a gift from 
God. Like Garbo, like Monroe. She’s one 
of them.” 

Brace yourself. Also on the way for late 
1983 is Unfaithfully Yours, teaming Nas- 
tassia with Dudley Moore in a remake of 
the 1918 Preston Sturges comedy about a 
symphony conductor who suspects his 
beautiful wife of infidelity. Kinski a come- 
dienne? Director Howard Zieff (his cred- 
its range from Slither and House Calls to 
Private Benjamin) admits he had trouble 
convincing the studio chiefs that the girl 
from Tess and Cat People could project a 
sense of humor: “I was convinced after I 
met with her for half an hour, almost a 
year before we began shooting. She’s so 
surprisingly effervescent, ebullient, full of 
vivacity. We've changed the role a lot. 
She's now an Italian movie actress mar- 
ried to Dudley. Her part is filled with ener- 
gy, she really has to go, and she’s fabulous; 
everything is happening so casily I’m in 
shock. She reminds you of a 19-ycar-old 


Ingrid Bergman or, sometimes—when 
she's full out—like Sophia Loren in her 
prime. She's so young, so amazing, with 
phenomenal cyes. I can't see her going 
anywhere but onward to major stardom.” 

The votes tallied might suggest a fai 
tale princess who consistently gets what 
she wants and has the talent to make the 
most of it. At another encounter, over 
drinks and snacks in a spacious hotcl 
lounge, Nastassia tries to cut her image 
down to size. She's wearing soft wool 
slacks with a delicate pinkish embroidered 
blouse she bought in the Bahamas and 
looks about 16 but wishes it known that 
she suffers disappointments like everyone 
else. Two roles she really wanted went to 
Elizabeth McGovern: first, that of Evelyn 
Nesbit in Milos Forman's Ragtime, the 
part that won McGovern an Oscar 
nomination (“Milos decided, I think, that 
my English wasn’t quite right”), then the 
female lead in Lovesick, opposite Dudley 
Moore. “Тһе first time we met, Elizabeth 
and E both had uncomfortable vibes about 
it, but the second time was OK.” 

Her English, by now, is nigh-perfect, 
with a mere trace of Continental rhythm, 
and Unfaithfully Yours promises to set 
things right re Dudley. Fluent in four lan- 
guages, she notes with relish, "In this 
movie, I get to curse in an Italian accent. I 
love slang, but I especially love to curse in 
Italian, you know? We used to live in 
Rome when I was little, and my father 
cursed all day, all the time. He cursed the 
traffic, cursed about money, cursed every- 
body. І found out that cursing can feel so 
good.” 

When she speaks of her father, of 
course, she’s speaking of Klaus Kinski—a 
superstar nonpareil in Germany, recently 
praised in Fitzcarraldo and known to audi- 
ences in distant corners of the globe where 
Nastassia has yet to raise any dust. Her 
parents broke up when she was eight, and 
Nastassia lived with her mother, who 
manages her carcer to this day. “Метс 
like sisters,” she says warmly. A couple of 
years ago, any question about her father 
would have been deflected, but she has 
mellowed on that subject. “I think I re- 
jected my father because I loved him so 
much. My parents were like gods to me. 
We were always so close. He wanted us to 
have the best of everything, wanted my 
mother to live beautifully. When you're 
small, you know, you want a sort of banal 
childhood—everything ordinary and 
planned. It wasn’t that way, but I had a 
wonderful childhood, and that’s somc- 
thing you hold on to, which I just carry 
within me. My parents always listened to 
me, wl is very important. To treat chil- 
dren as whole human beings; they always 
did that. 

“But my father, since a few years ago, 
has really cut himself off: I mean, he does 
movies, but he’s just way out there 

(concluded on page 162) 


“Hey, sailor, have you ever seen duty on a heavy cruiser?” 


Hennessy 
The civilized way 
to say good night 


The world's most civilized spirit 


Н 


mime was when Poland's govern- 
Kl S ment kept busy with Solidarity 
and looking warily over its 

collectivist shoulder to the East. 

But now its Communist Party 

Central Committee has issued a 

pinup calendar full of cama- 

raderie from Warsaw, Gdansk— 

all over the land. A sellout at two 

dollars a crack, it’s Poland’s big- 

gest success since the Big Car- 

dinal flew to Rome. So are male 

Poles crashing the party to get at 


б : the girls? Only ifthey want mar- 
with shoes in short supply, tial law back. So we'll have to 
the polish government sympathize with all Polish studs 

А Ó ker: as they mutter in frustration at 
is compensating workers the Kalendarz, “I couldn't touch 
with sex american style that, even with a ten-inch Pole.” 


5 6 


12/3 
11 12 ra pna 15 6 17/18] 19l20 
|26|27 [28 29 30 31 


WRZESIEN 


KWIECIEN 


Гем [с [e[s INI P]wsc]PTs 


1) 2) 3) | 5] 6) 7| в| эпола 
}h4/15:16 17/18/19 zo at 2223 2425|26 
28 | 


plwisicle|sinlelwisicle[s 
| (4) 2] 3) 4) 56 7 8 87002 


Ek lees ESE E 


1|2 s| 6| 7| В 9 
14l15 1617 |18 19(20|21/22/23]24/25] 26 1102 [is jral15 e 


25 26 27 282930 


18 19,202 | 22/23}: 
2829 30,8 | 


4 
15 1611718 


5| 6 7| в эпо 
19/20 21/22 23|24. 
26|29/30|31 


OH, DARLING THIS IS 50 
ROMANTIC. JUST THE TWO 
OF US TOGETHER WITH 

A FULL MOON ABOVE. 
WHAT МОКЕ COULD 

YOU ASK FOR? 


EAT YOUR HEART 
~ OUT, 
SENOR WENCES! 
ese 
ЧУУ he) 


ер) 


im m 1 
by Chris Browne & John Stevens 


NON— Kiss ME 
WY SWEET 17~ ГА 
e 


by 2y 


Dirty Due 


LOOK, IF Чоо NEED HELP, 
OUST ASK. 1 USED To BE 
А JOURNALISM MATOR / 


f CMON, МАСК, MAKE UP YER MIND. 
THIS AIN'T A LIBRARY / 


HM, LETS SEE. 400 LOCK LIKE 
A TYPICALLY REPRESSED 
MODLEBROW WITH 
FETISHISTIC TENDENCIES. JS) 
N 


ER A 


= 
MAYBE YOU"D LKE THIS |! HOW ABOUT THIS DEW d do 
FOREIGN FASHION MAGAZINE | LOTS OF JEWISH-AMERICAN) 
CHOCK-FULL OF Е 


NOT-SO- SUBLIMINAL 
SADO MASOCHISM. 


Can 


| | THROUGH PETROLEUM А (X 
| JELLY. ДА» 
PETHOSE! 


[се CLOSET QUEENS, WE HAVE 


j| THE PSEUDO SHOWBIZ. MODEL- 
| | PRINCESSES PHOTOGRAPHED — . 


PLENTY OF BULGING 
LEOTARDS 


> 


OF COURSE, THERES ALWAYS THE 
бос? сї“ CORK CAS RAG— 
LOTS OF SPREAD LABIA 
AND САСА JOKES, — 7 
We 


AIKEN AGAIN, IF IT“S YOUR WIFE 


ALWAYS BUY THE THES AND 
GROOVE ON HE LINGERIE ADS. 


YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT, 400 CAN 


| 


HEY, WHERE ARE You болс 
| WAS JUST АРООТ TO SUGEEST 
0.5. NEWS ¥ WORLD REPORT) 


OH, Æ GET IT! роо THAT 
YOURE TURNED ОМ, YOU'RE 
GONE HONE To WHACK OFF 4 


MAY YOU SUFFER 
FROM SHORT-TERM 
MEMORY 055/1 


бит. 


DOMTCHA HATE IT 
WHEN THEY LOOK AND 
DOVT z 


; 8 


158 


be Kurtzman and Downs 


Oh, thought we Shared the 

babu powder... just like we share 
f the whole medi- » 

cine cabinet, 


Till, everqthing in the medicine f 


cabinet ie and mine. You 
agreed to use the wickev shelves 
for your stuff. 


Wart! Wart! т. thought weve supposed 
to be living ina communal situation. 
What's miñe is yours, and what's 


trap where your possessions possess 

| цои. TPs important to share. LPs 

(like were husband and wife. 
Poy 


E rats FUNNY... youdon't LOOK 
like a husband. 
ey) 


mney 


AC DER | 4 TM VAITINK ) VAITIMEIN HERR IZ GER- 
IN TURN GANGEN 10000 GETTIN! 


8 ARE Firs HARD то BELIEVE THAT 
ANS SOMETHING THAT Looks AS 
WHEN THEY'RE erent AE A 10 
THAT YOUNG. CAN BREAK YOUR HERET, 
TURN YouR Gurs INSIDE 
OUT. ..MAKE You WISH You'D 
NEVER BEEN BORN... 

Doc 


THEY CAN SHATTER YOUR MIND 
WITH А WITHERING GLANCE, 
BURN YOU WITH A WORD. THE 
CRUELEST THING | EVER HEARD 
WAS "ВОТ WE CAN STILL BE 
FRIENDS"... JESUS. WOMEN 
GET AWAY WITH So MUCH 
GARBAGE SOMETIMES. Za 
THEY'VE Сот THE a 
POWER H THEY 
SURE KNOW HOW 
MO ЮБЕ 


CAN 1 FRESHEN 
THAT FOR You? 


159 


PLAYBOY 


160 


BARTENDERS’ SECRETS (continued from page 103) 


“Most mixologists have a heavy hand when salting 
a margarita glass. Here’s how it should be done.” 


generously consented to share their back- 
of-the-bar secrets with рглувоү. Look them 
over, use them judiciously to put a dash of 
mystery, a jigger of distinction and your 
own unmistakable stamp of individuality 
on every drink you build. 


FLAVORING AGENTS AND MIXERS 


Professional bartenders are privy to a 
wealth of alluring flavoring agents and 
exotic mixers of which most civilians are 
unaware. Falernum, passion fruit and 
orgeat are among the most intriguing. 
syrups. They can be found at gourmet 
shops and department stores. European 
stick men mix with such carbonated 
waters as Crodo Chinotto (it’s a sort of. 
lime cola with an ameliorating dose of bit- 
ters that cuts the sweetness) and Bitter 
Crodo (a bright-red, perfumy, soft-drink 
version of Campari—with a bitter finish). 
English publicans lean toward ginger beer, 
and Caribbean bartenders get intriguing. 
results from guava, papaya, mango and 
soursop nectars. 


THEICEMAN COMETH 


It's been said that ice is to a bartender 
what olive oil is to a chef. Here are the cold 
facts. Ice picks up food odors, so use fresh, 
clean cubes. If you do, it won't be neccs- 
sary to rinse them, as many bar books 
direct. Purists make cubes from distilled 
water; again, it’s not necessary unless your 
local tap water is vile. Making ice cubes 
from mineral water sounds neat, but it’s 
not advised: The water may impart 
unwanted flavors. Use regular-size ice 
cubes: Small cubes melt rapidly and dilute 
a drink. 


BITTER ACCENTS, 


To home bartenders, the term bitters is 
synonymous with Angostura, but that 
famous brand is just one of a variety of 
zestful products that can add a piquant 
sparkle to otherwise mundane drinks. 
Angostura and Peychaud's, though some- 
what different from each other, are both 
classified as aromatic bitters. Angostura, 
however, is de rigueur for the classic pink 
gin, while Peychaud’s is obligatory in a 
sazerac. Orange bitters enhances gin and 
vodka drinks, includingmartinis. Peachand 
mint bitters are strictly novelties. 


HOTSHOTS 


Ground pepper and Tabasco sauce are 
well known, of course. But Jim Cullen, the 
veteran barman at New York's St. Regis 
Grill, has devised the following incendiary 
liquid-pepper sauce, made with black 
peppercorns and vodka: Fill a screw-cap 
bottle with black peppercorns. Pour in 


vodka to the top. Seal and marinate for six 
weeks. Drain off the liquid into a small 
bottle fitted with a shaker top. A quart 
bottle will yield about six and one half 
‘ounces of liquid black pepper. The pepper- 
corns may be re-used several times. Or, 
if you don’t want to bother with that, 
Outerbridge’s Original Sherry Peppers 
Sauce is as hot as fe- alarm chili. Those 
sauces should be used very discreetly; two 
or three drops will light up vodka on the 
rocks like the Fourth of July. They're also 
good as alternatives to Tabasco in bloody 
marys and bullshots. 
INSIDE STUFF 

Ever wonder how pros get that appetiz- 
ing crown of froth on sours, daiquiris and 
such? More than likely, they've put a few 
drops of foaming mixture, such as Fee 
Foam, Foamy Head or Frothee Creamy 
Head, into the shaker. 

е 

Every bartender has his own singular 
way of drying a martini. Here are three ex- 
cellent ti (1) Marinate the garnish— 
olive, onion or twist—in dry vermouth 
and use no additional vermouth. (2) Pour 
a little dry vermouth into a glass; swirl to 
coat surface; discard excess. Again, use no 
additional vermouth. (3) Add several 
dashes of Scotch to the mixing glass. 

е 


Shaking does not call for aerobic brio. 
Hold the shaker next to your right ear 
or where comfortable and rock it fairly 
briskly but not so hard as to chip the ice. 
It’s all in the wrists—the same principle 
Willie Mays used in coming around on a 
fast ball. Shake a drink only the minimum 
time needed to chill and no more; other- 
wise, you'll overdilute the mixture. 
Effervescent liquids are never shaken. Add 
them last and stir very briefly. 

E 


To chill glasses quickly, fill them with 
ice. The refrigerator, of course, will do the 


same—if you have the room and the time. 
е 
To frost glasses, rinse them іп cold 
water, drain them well and place them in 
the freezer for about 20 minutes. 
е 
When а drink calls for a lemon strip, 
skilled bartenders customarily run the 
outer side of the peel around the rim of the 
glass. Sticklers insist on fresh, ripe. soft- 
skinned lemons, and they want only the 
aromatic yellow zest. 
. 
There’s a knack to twisting a lcmon 
peel. Hold it with your thumb and fore- 
finger at each end, directly over the glass, 


zest facing the drink. Twist sharply just 
once to expel the oil in a fine spray atop 
the drink. 

. 

Most mixologists have a heavy hand 
when salting the rim of a glass for a mar- 
garita. Here’s how it should be done: 
Moisten a narrow band—less than one 
eighth inch wide—around the outside sur- 
face with the cut side of a lime, or dab on 
fresh lime juice or Rose’s with a Q-tip. 
Don’t use water; that causes streaking. A 
mistake even pros commit is moistening 
the inside rim, which inevitably gets 
salt into the drink. To do it right, spread 
a thin layer of salt (preferably, ordinary 
table salt) on a shallow plate. Invert the 
moistened glass and thrust it straight 
down into the salt; do not rotate it. Lift it 
out immediately and tap the glass lightly 
to knock off excess salt. 


OTHER SMOOTH MOVES 


Measure one fourth ounce of cream into 
a margarita. Creamy! 
б 
Use concentrated, undiluted canned 
beef bouillon in bullshots. Bully! 
б 


Overripe strawberries taste better іп а 
strawberry daiquiri. They're sweeter and 
tastier and they liquefy more readily than 
the pretty but hard ones. 

. 

Stir а half ounce of port into а planter’s 
punch. 

D 

Superfine and bar sugars dissolve more 
quickly than the granulated kind. Other 
recommended soluble sweeteners include 
simple syrup (boil two cups of granulated 
sugar and one cup of water in a sauce- 
pan, stirring; then simmer five minutes. 
Cool and pour into a jar), rock-candy 
syrup, gomme syrup and grenadine. Con- 
fectioners’ sugar contains cornstarch and 
is not recommended. 

. 

Sure-fire hiccup remedy: Dash some 
Angostura bitters onto a lemon wedge and 
sprinkle with sugar; then take a big bite. 

б 

Sure-fire (maybe) hangover cure: Mix 
equal parts of Fernet Branca and cognac 
and down in one gulp. 


This article couldn't have been prepared 
without the interest and the help of the follow- 
ing first-rate barmen and the establishments 
over which they preside: Jim Bradfield, 
Eamonn Doran, New York; Jesse Chessler, 
Windows on the World, New York; Jim Cul- 
len, St. Regis Grill, New York; Fred Eng, 
Trader Vic's, New York; Daniel Lessa, presi- 
dent, International Bartender School, New 
York: Tony Liberatore, Goodale's, New York; 
Andy MacElhone, Harry's New York Bar, 
Paris; Frank Nolan, Ritz-Carlton Hotel, 
Chicago; Ned Visser, Maxwells Plum, New 
York; and Bill Welch, Jovanelo's, San Fran- 
cisco. Jolly good fro all. 


Wolfschmidt 
Genuine Vodka and the 
Legend of the Cha { 


1 


Wolfschmidt 


The Charka, a unique round- 
bottomed cup of hospitality, evolved 
over the centuries to become the 
Czar's ceremonial cup. The Imperial 
Charka. 

Inspired by the dress headpieces 
of the Imperial Guards, the Imperial 
Charka was created by the House 
of Fabergé, celebrated goldsmith 
toHis Majesty the Czar. 

The beauty of this Charka with 
its distinctive shape, like the beauty 
of Wolfschmidt Vodka, was that 
it could not be put down until every 
drop was savored. 

Now, Wolfschmidt has created a 
commemorative glass replica of the 
historic Imperial Charka. Brilliantly 
colored and hand-decorated in 22 
carat gold, the Wolfschmidt Charka 
reflects the art and craftsmanship 
of the original masterwork. 

Fora limited time you can order 
the Wolfschmidt Charka in sets of 
two, complete with a stand to hold 
both Charkas, for only ten dollars. 
Just send in the coupon below for 
your set of Wolfschmidt Charkas. 


Limited 


Mail with check — = 
or money order payable to 
“Wolfschmidt Charka" to: 
Wolfschmidt Charka Offer 
PO. Box 725, Dept. 0283 
Lubbock, Texas 79491 


Please send. 
Wolfschmidt Charka Sets (two in 
each set with stand; priced at 


| 
| 
| 
I 
| 
| 
| 
$10.00 for each set). і 
| 
l 
| 
| 
| 
| 
l 


Total amount enclosed 


| 
| 


Offer expires 12/31/84 or when all special 
edition Charkas have been sold. Void where 

prohibited, taxed or restricted by law. Allow 4 
to 6 weeks for delivery. Texas residents please 
add applicable sales tax. PBI 


L=- 


lled from grain Avelible ın 80 and 100 proo! - Wolfsehenidt, B 


PLAYBOY 


162 


NAS 


ASTASSIA KIMSKIIEXPOSIEID (continued from page 150) 


“Tess was truly a turning point, and the relationship 
while I was working with Polanski was fantastic.” 


nowhere. I think he wanted to do certain 
things he cared about or just get a boat 
and sail far away from everybody. He was 
so full of fire when he was young. He 
wanted to play Paganini. But he always 
had to compromise a lot, sometimes did 
the most stupid movies just to keep us hap: 
py and make money. 1 don’t know. . . 
(сур кїт» iun sene cin ЙТ 
wistfully. She has а half sister, Pola—also 
an actress, though their paths seldom 
cross—as well as a very young half 
brother by Kinski’s current wife, a Viet- 
namese. 

It’s clear that she sees many things dif- 
ferently now that she has to juggle her own 
conflicting drives. Her workaholic tenden- 
cies are such that she took advantage of a 
break from The Moon in the Gutter to make 
still another movie in Germany, por- 
traying pianist Clara Schumann. “Classi- 
cal music, to me—I mean Beethoven or 
Tchaikovsky or Chopin—is like hearing 
the voices of my parents; I was brought up 
on it. But I never knew so much about 
Schumann or how the Schumanns fell in 
love through their art, which drew them 
together so strongly.” 

An unabashed romantic, she is also a 
solitary soul who spent Christmas alone in 


the Bahamas and wondered why anyone 
thought it odd of her. She may dig an occa- 
sional evening of disco but cherishes priva- 
cy, and she’s still not sure she wants to be 
an actress. "That's why I’m acting, just to 
follow this work and see how far it goes, to 
say all these marvelous things and be all 
these strange people in different stories. I 
can't tell you things I don't know, but I 
finally want what everybody wants. Most- 
ly, I want children. 
Docs that mean marriage? She has 
thought about it, though the possibility 
seems remote right now. And details about 
a prospective mate are hard to come by. 
He's 25 . . . he lives in Berlin . . he's a 
student of architecture.” Next question. 
She's still carrying psychological bruises 
from her early encounters with journalists 
when she was too inexperienced to field 
queries about her widely publicized ro- 
mances with Polanski and Schrader. 
About Schrader and Cat People, Nastassia 
prefers to stay mum. The movie dis- 
appointed her, and so did the relationship. 
“They say if something bugs you, you still 
care,” she concedes, then adds, “апа it 
really bugs me that I was so stupid.” 
Polanski is something clse. “Tess was 


“You said you wanted me to talk awhile after we had 
sex, didn’t you? Well, I'm calling Charley." 


truly a turning point for me, and the rela- 
tionship while I was working with Polan- 
ski was fantastic. Don’t call him the love of 
my life, because that’s not what I mean. 
Because he has a certain kind of герша- 
tion, people used to ask such nasty ques- 
tions, try to get me to say things, then 
they'd just go and write what they wanted 
to write. But I love Polanski as a person, as 
a human being. I can't think of a thing in 
this world that would not interest him. He 
totally fascinated me and has been the 
most important man I've met, except for 
my father. I've never seen anybody so ex- 
cited by lifc, who has in him what we love 
about children—just to look and ask and. 
touch and wonder. He'd have soup served 
to him and smell it and say, “You must 
smell this soup . . this soup is amazing” 
Every instant with him is just full. Nobody 
Iknowis like him. He's wonderful.” 

Whenever she talks about the people she 
likes best whether Coppola or Toback or 
Polanski—she is apt to give them extra 
points for taking chances. That she rel- 
ishes an element of risk seems obvious 
even when she talks about the celebrated 
snake picture by Richard Avedon in which 
Kinski had a live python wrapped around 
her nude body and became a best-selling- 
poster queen. “That was totally un- 
planned. I knew the guy from Cat People, а 
trainer who came to a fashion shooting 
with a monkey, a bird, a cat, different 
animals. If I had thought about it fora day 
ог two, I might have been frightened by 
the whole idea of a snake, but the python 
was there—then Avedon said, ‘Well, you'll 
just have to take everything off or this is 
going to look ridiculous.’ So that’s what we 
did." 

Nastassia draws a sharper analogy from 
her role as a circus high-wire walker in 
Coppola's One from the Heart, an experi- 
ence she cherishes no matter what critics. 
and public say. She had to walk a wire 50 
feet above the ground and wouldn't fake it, 
couldn't fake it—although there were what 
she calls mattresses to cushion a fall. To 
get the stunt right, she trained for months. 
with circus professionals. “The discipline 
of walking а wire is very difficult, you 
know. Gravity pulls you down all the time. 
Irs like you're pulled on an inner wire 
from your own center .. you make love to 
the wire and feel the north, south, west, 
everything of yourself. It’s incredible. The 
minute your mind goes somewhere else, 
you slip. I slipped quite often, badly, and 
that hurt. Then I realized maybe I was 
trying too hard. So I tried with less effort; 
and later, I related that to acting. Maybe 
putting in too much effort is what blocks 
you. Anyway, to walk that wire was like a 
lesson from life, if you know what I mean.“ 
We know. 

The laws of gravity may be immutable, 
yet all available evidence suggests that en- 
chanting Nastassia Kinski henceforth has 
only one way to go: up, up, up. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


Taste 
Smash. 


Millions of ‘taste smokers rally to flavor 
breakthrough. 


© Philip Morris Inc. 1983 


7 mg ter.“ 0.5 mg nicotine av. per cigarette, FIC Report Dec:81 


163 


CLOTHES YOU HAVE TO WEAR VS. 
CLOTHES YOU LOVE TO WEAR. 


The way we figure it, clothes you have to wear make up about half of your 
wardrobe. 

It’s suits, and sports jackets, and shirts, and ties, and certain styles of shoes. 

These are all clothes that, because of business requirements or social functions, 
you have to wear. Whether you feel like it or not. 

But it’s the other half of your wardrobe that we're interested in. 

It’s the clothes that you can't wait to get into when you can’t wait to get out of 
the clothes you have to wear. 

It’s your jeans that go back to a time when jeans were called dungarces. After 
all these years, they still look and fit better than anything else you own. 

It’s shirts, and chinos, and crew necks, and leather belts, and corduroy jackets 
that have one thing in common: They’ve stood the test of time. 

It’s into this category that we place Timberland® handsewns. Which, you'll find, 
also get better over time. 

The leathers, like any fine leathers, acquire a patina, making them softer and even 
more supple. 

Then there's Timberland’s handsewn moccasin construction, rare in this world of 
cookie-cutter production. This construction allows the shoes to form around your feet, 
making them so comfortable that you'll hold on to and enjoy them year after year. 

Oh, don’t get us wrong. 

You'll like your Timberland’s when you buy them. You're just going to like them a 


whole lot more after you wear them. And wear them. And wear them. 


valable n styles bormen and vomer. 


The Timberland Company, PO. Bos 370, Newmarket, New Hampshire O3857 


Available at: Nordstrom and Lazarus 


PLAYBOY 


166 


PALMER vs PALMER (entire fron pace 106) 


“Once, seeing Palmer read ‘Doctor Zhivago, a team- 
mate said, It must be about an elbow specialist." 


world I wouldn’t do for them. My job 
allows me to have two houses, so they live 
right over the hill. 

“My wife says the separation is not my 
fault, it’s hers. She doesn’t feel good about 
being Mrs. Jim Palmer. ‘Oh, glad to meet 
you. You're Mrs. Jim Palmer.’ People in 
their 30s sometimes want to change the 
course of the ship. I guess she’s in that 
now. I hope to do it in my 40s.” 

The all-afternoon open house continues 
with the entrance of a striking blonde 
neighbor, who just happens to be wearing 
her ankle-length silver mink. When 
women go to Palmer’s house for a cup of 
sugar, they don't wear their hair in curlers. 
‘The man's life is one long fernale audition. 
Mostly, they must settle for a smile. “I 
don’t date that much,” Palmer says. “It’s 
work. I have to make a great effort 
straightening out people’s preconceived 
idcas about me.” 


His need for a kaleidoscopic environ- 
ment is so ingrained that, as he talks, he 
changes position in his chair as exotically 
as a little boy, even getting his feet above 
his head. Every few minutes, he switches 
the music coming from the tape deck. “1 
never watch television,” he says, then cor- 
rects himself: “Well, sometimes Carson's 
monolog.” That's about as long as he likes 
to sit still. Nevertheless, Palmer is one 
ballplayer occasionally seen in the com- 
pany of long, heavy novels. They feed the 
mind, to be sure, but also help him get 
through the interminable hours he spends 
on airplanes. Once, seeing him read Doctor 
Zhivago, teammate Steve Stone said, 
It must be about an elbow special 

Partly because he can't stay put, Palmer 
is among the best conditioned of major- 
leaguers. In a day, he'll play basketball 
and racquetball, lift weights and run, then 


“We sincerely regret the 
unnecessary surgery, and we're going to 
put back as much as we possibly can.” 


throw. And that’s in January. “He has the 
best 20-year-old body in baseball,” says 
Weaver. “When rookies ask what to do in 
spring training, I say, ‘Follow Palmer.’ 
Not one has ever kept up with him.” 

Just as Palmer, taken in 60-second 
doses, seems relaxed, so, measured over 
hours, he seems in need of a barbiturate 
milk shake. “My wife always said to me, 
"You fit everything in,’” he says, “mean- 
ing I was fitting her and the children in 
around a lot of other things. But Га say to 
her, ‘Yes, but I fit everything in.’ Meaning 
I did get around to all of it. 

Not surprisingly, this laid-back ball of 
nerves is also both intensely rational and 
explosively emotional. On one hand, he is 
a man with a passion for logic. That may 
bc his greatest strength as a pitcher. “No- 
body's got as many theories as Jim. He'll 
use a whole game just to prove he's right,” 
says fellow Orioles hurler Mike Flanagan. 
“One year, he was convinced that we'd 
thrown too many curves in spring training. 
So on opening day, he threw 120 fast balls 
out of 124 pitches to beat the White Sox. 

"Another time, Earl was on one of his 
kicks about starting hitters off with break- 
ing balls. Jimmy told us, *Forget Earl. Hc 
knows baseball, but all he knows about 
pitching is that he couldn't hit it. He gives 
the hitters too much credit. The key is to 
get ahead with a first-pitch fast ball for a 
strike.’ So Palmer started all 33 hitters that 
game with fast balls, 32 for strikes. It's 
amazing how predictable he was, but the 
ters couldn't do anything. Every batter, 
it was a fast ball for a strike or a pop-up, 
then a change-up for a ground out. We'd 
look at each other and say, "Don't they 
know?” 

“Jim calls his change a batting-practice 
fast ball,” Flanagan says, “but it’s really a 
hell of a screwball. We never tell him, 
‘Great screwball,” though, because then 
his elbow would hurt. 

“When Palmer is on a roll, the innings 
go so fast they're a blur—always ahead, 
no trouble, minimum of pitches, always 
working around the good hitters. We can 
call every pitch he throws. Maybe once a 
game he crosses us up. When he gets back 
to the dugout, he'll tell us why before we 
can ask. Usually, it’s 'cause he’s thinking 
three batters ahead.” 

After years of studying Palmer in action, 
pitching coach Ray Miller simply calls the 
6'3", 194-pound right-hander the game's 
best situation pitcher. 

“You must accept that you'll give up 
runs,” explains Palmer. “The pitcher who 
gives up runs one at a lime wins, while the 
pitcher who gives them up two, three and 
four at a time loses. Гуе given up long 
home runs that I turned around and 
admired like a fan. But the ones | admired 
were all solos,” 

With the bases loaded, the ultimately 
rational Palmer always throws every pitch 
at a corner—even with three balls on the 


For а 20" x 29" full-color poster of this ad. send 53 00 
> check or money order payable to Anheuser-Busch. Inc. 
Dept. 9-D;One Busch Place. St Louis, MO 63118. Allow 4-6 
weeks. Offer expires December 31, 1983. Void where prohibited 
pe sens. riha OF BEES 


PLAYBOY 


batter, In his career, he has walked home 
many runs, but in more than 3800 innings, 
he has never given up a grand slam. Not 


опе. 

This levelheaded man of logic, however, 
is also a creature of moods and funks. 
Once, he walked off the mound in the 
eighth inning of a 1-0 game after out- 
fielder Pat Kelly dropped a fly ball, 
prompting a furious Belanger to say, 
“Palmer has always begged off under pres- 
sure." Palmer hardly makes friends when 
he calls his outfield “our Bermuda Trian- 
gle” or when he stares at offending defend- 
ers; when he fires his glove at dugout walls 
between innings or when he asks an 
umpire for a new ball seven times, know- 
ing an umpire carries only six in his pouch; 
or, finally, when he repositions his fielders, 
as is his habit, between pitches. (“I have 
to moye my outfielders ten steps to the 
right," Weaver once said, “so that after 
Palmer moves them back five steps to the 
left, they'll end up in the right place") 

Most germane, Palmer can’t forget any 
slight ever done to him. His memory is 
encyclopedic—a curse for a man who 
tends to feel persecuted. He can remember 
coe of pitches from games 15 years 
ask him, out of the blue, how long re- 
lever Don Stanhouse has been married 
and he says, “Since October 27, 1981.” 
Unfortunately, Palmer also recalls that “in 
1966, I was 15-10 and got $15,000 the next 
year, while Jim Lonborg was 9-17 for Bos- 
ton in 1965 and got $22,000.” He can’t 
help it. “I just can’t forget any of that 
stuff,” he says. “I’m very logical and also 
very emotional.” He says it as if the two 
went hand in hand. 

. 

To appreciate the Palmer paradox, you 
should know that his childhood and young 
adulthood tended toward the dichoto- 
mous, to say the least. He was adopted at 
the age of one week and grew up with a sil- 
ver spoon in his mouth. He says he has 
never wanted to know who his natural 
parents were. His father, Moe, a dress 
manufacturer, was Jewish; his mother, 
Polly, was Catholic. His name then was 
Jim Wiesen. The family lived on Park 
‘Avenue and in Rye, New York, summered 
on Lake George and had servants in the 
home. Then, one morning, the boy noticed 
that lots of cars had pulled up in the family 
driveway. His father had died of a heart 
attack in the night. Jim was nine years old. 

His mother moved him and his sister, 
also adopted, 3000 miles to California. 
The family’s style of life went from upper 
to middle class. Polly Wiesen was even- 
tually remarried, to Max Palmer, a Holly- 
wood character actor in such shows as 
Playhouse 90, Dragnet and Highway Patrol, 
who also managed the bars at the Holly- 
wood Park and Santa Anita race tracks. 
Next, the family moved to Scottsdale, Ari- 
zona. One of the first children Jim 
met there was a girl named Susan Ryan. 
They dated through high school, then 
married after graduation. As Palmer was 


working his way through the minors in the 
Sixties, his sister was married for the first 
time (there would be five more). They sel- 
dom see each other anymore, “I always 
wondered how two people so different 
came from the same environment,” he has 
said. 

No sooner had Palmer made his pres- 
ence felt in the majors at the age of 20, 
winning 15 games and becoming the 
youngest man ever to pitch a world-series 
shutout, than his elbow blew out. He spent 
two lost and traumatic years in the minors, 
getting shelled in Rochester and Miami. 
Many thought that his career was over. 
The Orioles scarred Palmer by insinuating 
that his problems were їп his head. He 
learned a bitter lesson early: “Your arm is 
all you are.” 

Palmer’s view is that his first 21 years 
were basically idyllic—loving parents, no 
wants; living on the lower acreage of the 
Jimmy Cagney estate in Beverly Hills, 
across the street from Tony Curtis and 
Janet Leigh. What's the big deal? 

With that as background, perhaps it is 
easier to sense how one man can be so 
many things—and also their opposites. 
For instance, this putative prima donna, 
who baseball colleagues swear is often 
selfish and immature, is notably charitable 
and responsible—normally "adult" qual- 
itics. His onc stipulation before OKing a 
poster of his Jockey ad, for example, was 
that all proceeds go to the Cystic Fibrosis 
Foundation. Well known for his inability 
to say no to worthy causes, Palmer has al- 
ways been a whirlwind of good works. One 
day, during the off season, he offered him- 
self as a luncheon partner to anybody who 
would donate $100 to the Baltimore Sym- 
phony. The next day, he spent the morning 
at Memorial Stadium pouring Cokes at an 
Orioles party for 100 poor children. That 
night, Palmer was a celebrity bartender— 
again for charity. (“They didn’t know 
what they were getting into,” he says. “I'd 
never mixed a drink in my life. If it wasn’t 
white wine or draught beer, they were in 
trouble.”) The following day, at the 
request of his estranged wife, he spent 90 
minutes playing tennis with people he'd 
never seen before in order to raise $900 for 
another charity. 

And all that was during Christmas 
week. 

Palmer turned out to be so dependable 
in his public appearances that Jockey was 
shocked. "You tell Palmer when and 
where to be and he’s there. That's onc 
reason we made him the company's singu- 
lar spokesman," says a Jockey official. 
“We've had to do amazing things to get 
players—even Pete Rose—where they 
were supposed to be. Sometimes a 
limousine isn’t enough. You need some- 
body to wake the guy, get him dressed and 
into the limousine.” 

At his dozens of Jockey shows, often on 
mornings after he has pitched, Palmer 
signs his name a thousand times without 
missing a smile. Sometimes, when a 


woman asks him to sign her briefs, it turns 
out she’s still wearing them. On a hot day 
in Milwaukee not long ago, Palmer quietly 
asked the assembled admirers, “Mind if I 
take off my jacket?" Soon, hundreds of 
women were shouting, “Take it off!" 

“I go out for Jockey and their people 
guys in sales and vice-presidents—they're 
amazed at how I can get along with the 
public,” Palmer says. “Well, my politeness 
definitely comes from my parents. My 
mother was one of six kids and her father 
died when he was 40. She went to New 
York and got a job іп a small dress shop 
and put her brother through Juilliard 
school. When she met my father, it wasn’t 
as if she didn’t know the value of a dollar. 
She would give her last dime to anybody 
who asked for it. She was certainly aware 
of how other people live, because she'd 
gone through it. .. . 

“What’s life all about,” he asks, “except 
vsing your experiences to figure out how 
you want to conduct yourself? I’ve seen 
too many ballplayers go to dinners where 
they're getting $1500 or $2000 and not 
want to sign autographs. I mean, why are 
you there?" 

There are those, however, who don’t 
equate sang-froid and good manners with 
maturity. 

“Many people grow up late," says 
Weaver. “But Palmer still hasn't grown 
ир... but he's getting closer. 

“Jim has a hard time making difficult 
decisions. For instance, is his divorce final? 
No? I didn’t think so. It’s been up in the 
air for years. He hasn't faced that. He's got 
his security blankets. He hasn’t let go of 
any of them, has he? Once he stands in 
front of that judge and hears him say what 
the alimony is and what the child support 
is and how much he can see his own chil- 
dren—when he starts facing things like 
that—he'll start finding out what it means 
to be an adult.” 

True to form, Palmer is ambivalent 
about Weaver, with whom he does com- 
mercials and TV commentary. “It was 
great to see Earl humble. He was in awe of 
the pros,” crows Palmer, looking back on 
their TV work during the play-offs last 
October. “He even told me I did a good 
job. That's when I knew he was nervous." 

Palmer compares their Odd Couple rela- 
tionship to “а marriage where each part- 
ner knows exactly what to say to make the 
other one mad.” Certainly, Weaver has 
been the burr under Palmer’s saddle for 
almost his entire carcer. It’s a considerable 
ent to both men that they can sin- 
e, and sincerely dislike, each 
other—yet coexist. (Sort of.) In a strange 
sense, theirs is a model for human rela- 
tonships. To be sure, opposites attract. 
But there have also been many times when 
either Palmer or Weaver could have writ- 
ten the other off as an incorrigible pain in 
the ass. Yet each sees in the other a winner 
who possesses native intelligence. Such 
foils could not willingly part. 

“The only thing I ever asked from 


AND 


YOURE 
POI 


HUEY *2 


ANCE THE DIVORCE. 
LM PRETTY LONELY. 
44 


169 


PLAYBOY 


Earl,” Palmer says, “was that he treat me 
the way 1 would have treated him—that 
he be fair and polite and compassionate. 
Of course, that’s just not Earl. That 
doesn’t mean I would rather have had him 
be compassionate and thoughtful than be 
a winner. 

“With Earl, enough is never enough. He 
has never been satisfied with my perform- 
ance, not in my best year. It goes back to 
that series of great expectations, the Jim 
Palmer Syndrome. The year after І went 
16-4—in '69—he had me winning 30 
games before I had сусг won 20. And 
when ['ve been hurt, he’s never been able 
to accept it. | don’t think lm a hypochon- 
driac. But it’s always been the same: Tim 
Stoddard has a sore arm and they believe 
him. Jim Palmer has a sore arm and it’s in 
his head. 

“I was a baby when I came up here and 
Earl made it very difficult, complaining 
about everything. Lee May used to make a 
joke out of it. There’d be Earl—we'd have 
a man on third with one out in an early 
inning and a guy would pop up, and you 
know Earl, he’d have his head between his 
knees, going, ‘Bbbrrrrrr” He was sure 
we'd blown the game; he'd seen his omen. 
Lee would say, ‘Well, the Little Genius has 
given up again.’ And we'd laugh and go on 
and play our own game. And we'd win. 

“I just think that a lot of the ways I 
acted, and the misunderstandings that 
came out of it, were caused by Earl Wea- 
ver. That sounds like a cop-out. Put it's 
true.” 

‘One episode, out of dozens, gives the 
true Odd Couple flavor. 

In 1981, Weaver was so incensed by 
Palmer's five-year-old habit of missing 
starts with mysterious injuries, begging for 
relicf help at the first sign of trouble and 
generally second-guessing everybody that, 
on the mound in Seattle, he screamed at 
Palmer, “I’m sick of your crap! Come on, 
lers fight" 

“I plan to scream at Palmer the rest of 
the season, "cause that's the only way I can 
get his attention," Weaver announced. 
“But, knowing Palmer, it'll go in one саг 
and out the other. His problem is he won't 
listen to anybody. When I want him, PII 
just send Ray Miller to drag him back by 
his diaper.” 

Palmer retaliated with medical journals 
supporting his mew self-diagnosis: an 
injury “to the suprascapula. .. . My career 
is probably over.” 

That was old news to Weaver, the тап 
who once said, “The Chinese tell time by 
the Year of the Dragon, the Year of the 
Horse. I tell time by the Year of the Shoul- 
der, the Year of the Elbow, the Year of the 
Ulnar Nerve.” 

And it was older news to trainer Ralph 
Salvon, who once convinced Palmer that 
he'd discovered a new miracle cure by 
sticky, stinging Coke into the 
pitcher’s shoulder. “Jim’s definitely a 
hypochondriac,” Salvon has said. “And he 


170 knows it. If he doesn’t, he should.” 


That a man as fanatical about good 
health as Palmer should have spent his 
career performing the most unnatural act 
in sports—throwing a bascball—borders 
on being a cosmic snicker. A pitcher’s life 
is one day of deliberate self-injury followed 
by three days of healing, then a fresh in- 
jury. Ask a narcissistic perfectionist, who’s 
pretty sure he knows more about sports 
me ie than most doctors, to endure in 
that job and the result is the Year of the 
Ulnar Nerve. 

Finally, Weaver gave his true diagnosis 
of the slump Palmer suffered from 1979 un- 
til 1982—a period in which he was 34-26 
with two dozen missed starts: We've got 
to find out how much Palmer has left. He's 
got to get rid of all this emotion he wastes 
on blaming other people for everything 
that goes wrong. He has to say, "That's my 
fault’ or ‘I can overcome that.’ Now he's 
always pitying himself and taking himself 
out of games and asking for help. 

Coach Miller added, “Palmer has 
reached the stage of his career where he 
has to bite the bullet. I don't know 
if he’s ever really had to. He can't keep 
putting Earl on the spot with all his 
antics.” 

In response, Palmer tried enough advice 
and remedies for a whole pitching staff. 
He changed sliders three times until he 
found one that didn’t hurt his elbow. He 
adopted Steve Carlton’s hand-in-a-bucket- 
of-rice exercises. He practiced the pre- 
game-meditation methods of Steve Stone. 
(Said Flanagan: “It's a good thing for 
Jimmy that Stone didn't stand on his 
head.") Palmer also went on a small- 
weight-lifting program prescribed by one 
doctor and а general-strengthening 
scheme devised by another. He consulted 
with specialists in Los Angeles, Boston 
and Baltimore. 

The result: Nothing. 

By last May, Palmer had reached the 
lowest point in his carcer. His E.R.A. was 
7.44. His stock in the organization had 
bottomed out. “I think Palmer can win 
those games he needs to reach 300,” said 
Weaver, but I doubt if he can do it here. 
He needs something to completely shake 
him up.” 

As a last resort, Palmer’s twin bêtes 
noires— Weaver and G. M. Hank Peters— 
decided on shock treatment. First, Palmer 
was sent to the bull pen. Not for rest or 
rehabilitation but indefinitely. “I got the 
word,” he says, “that Peters had said, ‘I 
don’t want Palmer to start another game 
here this hear“ 

Contending that he was being used as a 
scapegoat, Palmer asked for a trade. To his 
amazement, he got an answer he'd never 
heard before: Great. Give us a list of teams 
you'd approve and we'll work something 
out within two weeks. 

Peters and Weaver had decided that, 
underneath everything, Palmer was utter- 
ly attached to Baltimore both town and 
team. To their minds, he was like a child 
trying to test the limits of his family’s 


patience and affection. So they let the little 
boy run away from home, then they didn’t 
go look for him. 

Within two days, Palmer had decided 
he didn't want to be traded, that he 
wanted to finish his career in Baltimore, 
because the dislocations of a trade would 
be too cruel for his family. Next, he walked 
into Weaver’s office and, according to 
Weaver, said, as he often had in the Seven- 
ties, Earl, my arm feels good. I think PII 
win seven or eight in a row.” 

“Palmer always keeps his word,” 
beamed Weaver, putting the right-hander 
back in the rotation. This time, Palmer bet- 
tered his word. From that day in late May 
until September—from before Memorial 
Day until after Labor Day—Palmer went 
unbeaten, winning II in a row and equal- 
ing the longest streak of his career. 

He wasn’t lucky. He was good. Often 
overpoweringly good. Once again, he 
could throw his fast ball for strikes with 
impunity—for six or seven innings, at 
least. His combination of a rising fast ball, 
that nasty new slider, a rainbow curve and 
two change-ups (one a screwball) gave 
һїт аз paralyzing a combination of pitches 
as any hurler in the league could call upon 
in a jam. 

To Palmer, the coincidence of his 
bull pen exile and his return to form was 
galling. “I did all the work to get my 
fast ball back, to rehabilitate my shoul- 
der,” he says. “Of course, they think it’s in 
my head.” 

And, indeed, they do. “I think that 
sending him to the bull pen and agreeing 
to trade him was a kick in the rear end to 
him. It spurred his pride,” says Peters. “1 
think it was the catalyst.” But then, if a 
clear line of causality could be traced, we 
wouldn’t be talking about Palmer. This, 
after all, is the winner who’s been called a 
quitter. This is the hypochondriac who 
averaged 288 innings a season for nine 
consecutive years. The sex symbol who 
lives the clean life. He’s the baseball para- 
noiac who can’t forget. The responsible 
adolescent. The urbane sophisticate who 
is, in private, a Gordian knot of fascinating 
kinks. 

Finally, this is a man who is trying to 
live up to his own personal conception of 
“the good,” both in his pitching and in his 
life. His charitable works, his attention 
to responsibilities, his forbearance with 
strangers, his concern for his children bear 
no evidence of being the machinations ofa 
fellow with ulterior motives—an eye on 
politics, perhaps, or public favor. 

At the risk of applying a word out of 
fashion, no enterprise is nobler than this 
striving after a life that will bear up under 
the strictest scrutiny—not just the scru- 
tiny of celebrity, that is, but of our own 
internal eye. Palmer has tried to conduct 
an examined life, arrive at his own pre- 
cepts and live by them, That this hardest 
of tasks often leaves him at odds with him- 
selfisn't really surprising. 

Palmer is, of course, just as tangled up, 


as human, as everybody else—and М 
knows it. Given his advantages. that's not 
sight. When he pleads that he’s 
misunderstood, he means that people 
don't understand that despite his wealth. 
looks, talent, fame, he finds life just as 
troubling as anybody else does. With him. 
it takes us a little longer to appreciate the 
shadows in a glittering life. 

Surely, some of the paradoxes in Palmer 
can be credited as virtues. Attempting to 
lead a decent and reasonably reflective lite 
while trying to win 300 baseball games 
along the way is full-time employment 
Palmer takes some bearing with and, like 
us all, has his weak side. However, once 
we take the trouble to meet him whole. 
he draws us toward him with a human 
link we would not want to break 
n the little things, Jim can get on your 
nerves,” says Flanagan. “But the longer 
you know him and the better you know 
him, the п more you like him. He's a really 
fine m; 

Palmer's desire for such affection is 
large, his need for proofs of appreciation 
considerable. Those who neglect or mis- 
trust him, however, may be p 
indeed, may deserve to be. 
front runners," he says of the Baltimore 
baseball publie, for instance. ** 
250-some games and I get booed. They 
announce my name and I go out there and 
a third of the people boo. I win, and no 
cheers. That's the way it is. I'm never 
going to be understood. But that's all 
right. It really is. 

“When I walked out after the final game 
last year, I just knew that fate dictates.” 
says Palmer. “Here you've got Don $ 
ton, who's a good friend of mine. He le 
which I never could understand. 
because his family lives there and its a 
nice place to play. He goes to Houston for 
a lot of money and he gets tired and 
doesn’t want to play down there, because 
never score any runs. So he goes to 
Milwaukee. And it's Sutton and me in the 
last game. Here I am, pl 
years, I'm the one who stayed, If there's 
in the world we'd win. 

But life doesn’t work that way. It just 
doesn’t. 

“The true fans are the ones who came 
out afterward—how wonderful that was. 
The people were still there waiting after 
the game, and they were calling for us. 
Now, those are the real fans, those were 
the fans who came up to me when I was 
7-8 and said, ‘We don't care. We appreci- 
ate all the things you've done? Not that 
Im somebody who lives in the past, but I 
do th that counts. 

“Its like Rudolf Nureyev,” he con- 
tinues. “We saw him in Sleeping Beauty in 
ington. People say that he’s not what 
А to be. Well. who gives a shit? He's 
still good." 


an casy 


says Jim Palmer. "Like me.” 


T 
NOCONA ВОО! 


рер 


аран | 


a free recipe booklet. write Hi 2 
МІ 48018. Schnapps. 60 Proof. Hiram Walker & Sons, Inc.. San Francisco, СА. € 1982. 


T COMPANY / BOX 599 / NOCONA, TEXAS 76255 | 847-825-3321. 


E eani 
S d 5 
id n 

d. 

ү — 


rmington Hills 


170A 


_ BENSON & HEDGES 


“=== Only omg. 


Vet rich enough tobe called deluxe. 


Regular and Menthol. 
Open а box ру 23 


75 - 8mg af. 0.6 mg nicotine av. pat cigarette, hy FIC method. 


. d Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
Î That Cigarette Smoking is Dangerous to Your Health. 
2 s NA © Philip Morris Inc. 1983 


TARGETING OF AMERICA 


(continued from page 92) 


“The entire crisis treatment of terrorism has been one 
of denial,’ Kupperman says.” 


of political death. Reagan came to power 
proclaiming that terrorism was America’s 
number-one foreign-policy problem. Alex- 
ander Haig (himself once a target of a ter- 
rorist bomb) held a press conference to 
announce that the Soviets were “training, 
funding and equipping” terrorists around 
the world. 

Coincident with the installation of 
the new Administration, two books were 
published that would strongly influ- 


ence thinking about terrorism. One was 
the scholarly work Kupperman co- 
Re- 


authored, Terrorism: Threat, Reality, 
sponse, now considered a cla: 
academic circles. Terrorism mag: 
summed up the book's content: “There 
very real danger in the years ahead that 
terrorist groups will seek to further their 
causes by resorting to high-technology ter- 
rorism." 

"The other influential book was by jour- 
nalist Claire Sterling, The Terror Network, 
published by and excerpted in Readers 
Digest. It was not considered a scholarly 
work and was, in fact, savaged by the 
press. Sterling was accused of timing the 
book to promote the Reagan Administra- 
tion’s point of view, an accusation she 
flatly denied. Her book described in elabo- 
rate detail a massive Soviet conspiracy to 
use terrorism world-wide to destabilize 
democratic societies. 

Almost immediately, the battle lines 
were drawn on either side of the Soviet 
question. Senator Jeremiah Denton 
opened the hearings of his Subcommittee 
оп Security and Terrorism on April 24, 
1081, surprised that the room wasn’t 
jammed with Senators eager to nail down 
the Soviet menace. Undaunted, Denton 
launched into a tirade against Soviet ex- 
pansionism and support of world-wide ter- 
rorism. Often waxing incomprehensible in 
his windy statements between questions, 
he was given to what can only be called 
raving. “The Soviets were not particularly 
terroristically inclined in the sense of the 
fragmented terrorism that was going on 
around the world,” he said. And: Amer- 
icans, in general, are not fractionally 
appreciative of this relativity of badness 
and goodness.” Although I am quoting 
him out of context, he spoke largely out of 
it as well. One of his key witnesses was 
Sterling, to whom he said, “I must say 
that, although I have great respect for the 
CIA and our other institutions, 1 believe 
that they have such a multitude of matters 
with which to concern themselves, neces- 
sarily, that you, in the field of terrorism, in 
my opinion are the most valuable source I 
know of from which to extract that which 
is significant and news.” 


But while Sterling and Denton were 
spinning out their theories of the Soviet 
connection, the State Department and the 
CIA, under orders from the White House, 
ig to dig out some hard evidence 
The Administration, as Kupperman 
put it, “got burned painfully trying to 
prove that the Soviet Union was behind it 
all.” Soon, it was being reported in the 
press that а draft of che national- 
intelligence estimate prepared by the CIA 
had been rejected by Haig because it 
didn’t prove the Soviet connection. It had 
been sent back for redrafting to make it 
square with the Administration’s line. Un- 
fortunately, it never did. The evidence just 
wan't there, at least not in the eyes of the 
CIA. 

Colby was called to testify for Denton 
and did so. And while he admitted some 
Soviet involvement and responsibility, he 
had a more moderate version of the story. 
“With reference to directing the [terrorist] 
orchestra, he said, no, the Soviets are 
not dircctly directing the orchestra today. 
But, yes, they did provide the instruments 
in the training and some of the equipment 
that these people had originally and [the 
Soviets] bear a responsibility for their 
use. . . . I think there is a fecling that there 
is some central war room with flashing 
lights and red arrows on the wall, and so 
forth; that it is all being run from some big 
center. That is not the way terrorism 
works, and I do not think there is such a 
central war room for the whole move- 


As most bright intelligence workers 
knew then and know now, terrorism 
messy, complicated business, not easily 
packaged as a public-relations tool. Even 
Kupperman, who is associated with the 
p ally identified 
with the right-wing position on terrorist 
matters, said, *Although Russia certainly 
provides funding for some terrorist opera- 
tions, if it withdrew that patronage, little 
would change. Terrorists know how to 
raise money. Furthermore, there is really 
no need for a master conspiracy to keep 
terrorism going. But,” he added by way of 
warning, “the very diversity and uncon- 
trollability of terrorists make them that 
much more dangerous to the United 
States. Terrorists are not constrained by 
diplomatic considerations. Moreover, it is 
a mistake to assume that terrorists are 
necessarily rational people. In many cases, 
they most definitely are not.” 

Once again, the proponents of the 
Soviet connection are undoubtedly sin- 
cere, whether they are right or wrong. But 
the Soviet connection is also a powerful 
public-relations tool and is almost certain 


to Бе misused, even if there is some truth 
in it. And in the meantime, it stands in the 
way of actually confronting the problem 

Kupperman, Alexander and others are 
concerned that if the terrorist threat be- 
comes reality in the U.S., it will be too late 
for us to react properly. “The entire crisis 
treatment of terrorism has been опе of 
denial,” Kupperman says. “One of believ- 
ing in a self-fulfilling prophecy: If you 
breathe a word about it, if you even think 
about it, it’s going to happen. Well, it has 
happened, and we weren't ready for i 

He points out that in the two most im- 
portant terrorist incidents in the U.S.— 
the Iranian hostage crisis and the seizure 
of Washington embassy buildings by 
Hanafi Moslems—we botched the han- 
dling of the situations. But the terrorists 
don't need to operate within the borders of 
the United States to have the desired 
effect, as demonstrated in Iran. “Qaddafi 
threatened to attack nuclear facilities in 
Western Europe. Right now, NATO is 
hanging by a thread. It would fold if those 
facilities were attacked. Every European 
nation would demand that we remove the 
nuclear weapons, and NATO has little 
else. 

But what of the U.S. military? Isn't it 
prepared to deal with terrorists if the need 

? A man well versed in the problems 
that terrorism presents for the military is 
Colonel William J. Taylor, who spent 27 
years in the Army, 13 of them as director of 
national-security studies at West Point. He 
is now director of political-military studies 
at С.5.1.5. He is part of the nation’s brain 
trust on terrorism. Lean and fit-looking, he 
has neatly cropped, straight black hair and 
clear eyes. On the left side of his upper lip, 
at the corner of his mouth, is a scar shaped 
like a bent staple. It makes it seem as if 
he's smiling even when he's not. 

“The military does not cope well with 
uncertainty,” he says. "And that’s what 
terrorism is, In Vietnam, the war was lost 
to the Cong—terrorists. When the Cong 
massed as conventional units, we ate their 
ass alive. And they learned not to mass. In 
Four Corps, we had an east-west road be- 
tween two towns. We owned it during the 
day. But ғ E ош оп it at night was a 
suicide mission." 

The lesson of Vietnam, he says, is that 
you can't fight terrorists with a conven- 
tional army. And the U.S. hasn't learned 
the lesson. 

Both Kupperman and Taylor have 
pointed out that the future of warfare 
promises to be far different from its past. 
In their view, land wars are outmoded and 
nuclear war is still unthinkable, contrary 
to what Time and Newsweek would have us 
believe. The warfare of the future is low- 
y conflict—in other words, terror- 
ism. It's cheap, it requires little training or 
equipment and few men, and there is no 
trench or fallout shelter into which onc can 
climb to escape it. 

"We would find a strategic nuclear ex- 
change to be an extraordinarily unlikely 


171 


PLAYBOY 


172 


event,” Taylor says, adding that the 
Soviets aren't going to start a nuclear war, 
because it would be too costly. They're 
not going to start a land war in Europe, 
either. because that would lead inexorably 
to nuclear war. Anyway, they're probably 
going to get what they want in central 
Europe. But now they're going to low-cost, 
low-risk operations. There are going to be 
more Cubas, more Ethiopias—the opera- 
tions for which we're least prepared. We 
train for the big war. But not for this other. 
stuff. We're training for thc least likely 
forms of conflict and not training for the 
conflict we're іп. We need better intelli- 
gence to cope with terrorism, and we're 
not getting it. For the most part, the Amer- 
ican officers stationcd in Europe don't 
speak German. So how can they know 
what's going on if they can't listen to what 
people are saying? The secret of counter- 
terrorism is intelligence—nonmilitary, 
nonstandard intelligence. The military is а 
target, so the military has to respond. The 
Army doesn’t coordinate well with others. 
It needs to—with the FBI, the CIA and 
other services. It may have to resort to 
other forms of intelligence payoſſs to in- 
formants, dirty tricks, maybe the use of ex. 
tortive measures. 

“So far, the terrorism has amounted to 
kidnaping Dozier and bombing an officers’ 
club—that sort of thing. Future terrorists 
may take whole compounds. They may 
also take a nuke. Nobody in the military 
has trained to handle this. What’s being 


taught at West Point? One lesson on ter- 
rorism in the entire four years. 

He says that when he berated a student 
at the war college for not paying attention 
to the material, the student, a colonel, 
said, “Sir, with all due respect, you’re mis- 
taking me for somebody who gives a shit.” 

Taylor leans forward on his desk and his 
eyes go to points. The scar makes it appear 
as if he were smiling, but he is not. “We 
are at war," he says. 

б 

At war, perhaps, but with whom? If 
we аге: to believe the proponents of the 
Russian connection, we are at war with 
the Soviet Union. But academic spooks 
and other experts in a position to know say 
that it is not that simple. The Russian 
connection is just a convenient way to 
package the problem not only for public 
consumption but also for the Administra- 
tion. The Administration doesn't want to 
deal with anything more complicated than 
the Russian connection. Because if you 
take away the Russians—or even say they 
are only partly responsible—you are left 
with a Hydra-headed monster that repli- 
cates itself infinitely as you attempt to de- 


we are at war with such 
elusive enemies, we still don’t even know 
who they are, what they want and how to 
tell the terrorist from the other people in 
conflict. Colby says that when he was par- 
achuting behind enemy lines in Germany 
during World War Two, he was considered 


“I get so engrossed in my work that the world of 
nuclear madness seems very, very remote.” 


a terrorist and hastens to point out that he 
was not, for he was fighting a declared war 
and was not attacking innocent civilians. 
“Terrorism is, of course, a tactic,” 
"It particularly applies to endangering in- 
nocent people in order to demonstrate a 
terrorist’s power or to influence others. 
Thus, the deliberate tactic of the F.L.N. in 
Algeria was to demonstrate French inabil- 
ity to maintain order by randomly 
machine-gunning passengers waiting at 
bus stops.” 

Harry Rositzke, a former CIA expert on 
the Soviet Union, wrote, “Confusing sim- 
ple terrorism with serious revolutionary 
‘wars’ will create problems for United 
States policy makers.” And so we find 
ourselves at yet another disadvantage. We 
are big and simple and visible. The terror- 
ist is small and numerous and unfathom- 
able. Who will win? 

W. Clifford of the Australian Institute of 
Criminology is the man responsible for 
having terrorism put on the agenda of the 
General Assembly of the United Nations. 
“Where modem terrorism strikes a liberal 
state,” he said, “the appearance, at first, is 
that of a malevolent David ranged against 
a benevolent Goliath. And in constraining 
the monstrous upstart . . Goliath has to 
be careful that his methods do not ulti- 
mately deprive him of his benevolent im- 
age and reveal him as an infuriated bully 
hitting out at everyone. It is precisely this 
transformation of labels that the terrorist 
seeks to achieve by his atrocities.” 

The classic contemporary cxample of 
how terrorism works is Uruguay. It was 
опе of the few true democracies in South 
America. There were free elections, free 
trade unions, a healthy population and a 
functioning Social-Democratic govern- 
ment. In the mid-Sixties, a far-left Marx 
group, the Tupamaros, was trained in 
Cuba for urban guerrilla warfare. It was 
trained according to the theories of 2 
Brazilian terrorist, Carlos Marighella (not 
to be confused Carlos the Jackal), 
whose classic work, Mmi Manual for 
Urban Guerrilla Warfare, explained terror- 
ism this way 


First, the urban guerrilla must 
usc... violence - . . to win a popular 
base. Then thc government has no 
alternative except to intensify repres- 
sion. The police roundups, house 
searches, arrests of innocent people 
make life in the city unbearable. 
The general sentiment is that the gov- 
ernment is unjust, incapable of solv- 
ing problems and resorts, purely and 
simply, to the physical liquidation of 
its opponents. . . . [Then] the urban 
guerrilla must become more aggres- 
sive and violent, resorting without 
letup to sabotage, terrorism, expro- 
priations, assaults, kidnapings and 
executions, heightening the disastrous 
situation in which the government 
must act. 


In the Sixties, the Tupamaros began 


N а 
Radar warning. 


Hear the difference. 


What Could Be Better 

Than Unbelievable Range? 
By now, you've probably heard some tall sounding stories 
about how far away the ESCORT" radar warning 
receiver picks up radar traps. You know, the ones where 
they talk in miles instead of car lengths. The stories go 
оп to Say that ESCORT's superheterodyne receiving 
circuits provide as much X and K-band warning as you 
can possibly use, and then some. If you've never used 
an ESCORT, they may seem pretty far fetched, but most 
of them are true. Over hills, around comers, and from 
behind. 


Car 54 Where Are You? 

Maximum detection range is wonderful, but it’s far 
from the whole story. In some ways, radar detectors аге 
like smoke alarms: you want to make sure that you don't 
miss anything, but you don't want a lot of false alarms. 
ESCORT wont disappoint you. Beyond that, when a 
smoke alarm sounds off, the most pressing thing on 
your mind is: Where is the fire? Is it ahead of you, behind 
you, above you, or below you? In the same room, or at 
the other end of the house? Your senses can help you 
find fire. but. on the highway, you can't feel or smell 
radar. ESCORT is your sixth sense. 


Hearing Is Believing 

ESCORT reports its findings straight to your ears ina 
way по other detector can match. Its vocabulary 
includes a Geiger-counterlike pulsating rhythm that 
relates radar intensity in a smooth, natural, and intuitive 
manner, making it easy to sense the distance to radar. It 
can tell you if габаг is ahead of you, behind you, or even 
traveling along with you in traffic. ESCORT also speaks 
different languages for each radar band. Since the two 
bands behave differently, the distinctive tonal 
differences eliminate surprises. You'll even be able to 
tell "beam interrupter” “trigger” ог "instant-on" type 
radars from other signals just by the sounds they make. 
Ditto for radar burglar alarms and door openers 
ESCORT has a lol to say, and we ve developed a new. 
way for ycu to get acquainted quickly. 


Play It, Sam 

ESCORT instruction book contains a wealth of 
information. Actually, it's the ESCORT user's Bible. But. 
the quickest way to become fluent in ESCORT's tan- 
guage is to play the Radar Disc on your stereo turntable. 
You'll heat firsthand how to interpret what ESCORT tells 
you in a number of situations. We now include this 
Special Disc with every ESCORT so you can take a 
lest drive as soon as you open the box. 


No Stone Unturned 

The ESCORT Radar Disc is the latest addition to a 
long list of standard features. We don't scrimp on 
anything. Here they are: = Patented Oigital Signal 
Processor ш Oifferent Audio Alerts for X or К Band 
Radar ш Varactor-Tuned Gunn Oscillator tunes out false. 
alarms m Alert Lamp dims photoelectrically after dark 
т 1/64 Second Response Time covers all radar = 
City/Highway Switch filters out distractions ш Audio 
Pulse Rate accurately relates radar intensity = Fully 
Adjustable Avdio Volume = Softly Illuminated Signal 
Strength Meter L. E O. Power-On Indicator = Sturdy 
Extruded Aluminum Housing w Inconspicuous size 
(15H x 5.5% x 50) ш Power Cord Quick-Disconnect 
from back of unit = Convenient Visor Clip or Hook and 
Loop Mounting = Protective Molded Carrying Case = 
Spare Fuse and Alert Lamp Bulb. 


Your stereo will demonstrate 


What The Critics Say 
Car and Driver: "The ESCORT. а perennial 
favorite of these black-box comparisons, is still the 
best radar detector money can buy All things 
considered, the ESCORT is the best piece of electronic 
protection on the market 
BMWCCA Roundel: 


"The ESCORT is a highly 
Sophisticated and sensitive detector that has been 
steadily improved over the years without changing those 
features that made it a success in the first place . . . In 
terms of what all it does, nothing else comes close” 


Playboy "ESCORT radar detectors . . . (are) 
Generally acknowledged to be the finest, most sensitive, 
most uncompromising effort at high technology in the 
field” 

Autowesk For the third straight year. no manu- 
facturer has bettered the ESCORT s sensitivity... ће 
Consistent quality Is remarkable: 


Made In Cincinnati 

Jf you want the best, there's only one way to get an 
ESCORT. Factory direct. Knowledgeable support and 
professional service are only a phone call or parcel 
delivery away. We mean business. Infact, after you open 
the box, play the Radar Oisc, and install your ESCORT, 
we'll Give you 30 cays to test it yourself at no risk. If 
you're not absolutely satisfied, we'll refund your pur 
Chase as well as pay for your postage costs to return it. 
We also back ESCORT with a full one year limited 
warranty on both parts and labor. So let ESCORT change 
radar for you forever. Order today. 


Do It Today 
Just send the following to the address below: 
£ Your name and complete street address. 
CC] How many ESCORTS you want. 
£ Any special shipping instructions. 
ÛJ Your daytime telephone number. 
£A check or money order. 


Credit card buyers may subslitute their card 
number and expiration cate for the check. 
Or call us toll free and save the trip to 
the mail Бох. 


CALL TOLL FREE. . 800-543-1808 
IN OHIO CALL..... . 800-582-2696 


ESCORT (Includes Everything). . . .$245.00 
Ohio residents add $13.48 sales tar. 


Extra Speedy Delivery 
If you order with a bank check, money order, 
Credit card, or wire transfer your order is pro- 
cessed for shipping immediately. Personal or 
company checks require an additional 18 days. 


ESCORT 


RADAR WARNING RECEIVER 


O Cincinnati Microwave 
Department 507 
One Microwave Plaza 
Cincinnati, Ohio 45242 


PLAYBOY 


174 


bombing, assassinating and kidnaping at 
random. Feeling frightened and helpless, 
the Uruguayan pcople demanded that the 
government do something—anything—to 
stop the violence. Thousands demon- 
strated in the streets. By 1972, the govern- 
ment was forced to act. It brought in the 
army to attempt to restore order. But а ter- 
rorist doesn’t stick out from the crowd. He 
looks like everyone else. So how do you 
crush him? The army did the only thing it 
knew how to do: It controlled not just the 
terrorists but the entire population. The 
result has been that Uruguay is now a 
police state run by the military. The Tupa- 
maros have provided a model for many 
terrorist groups since then. 

While the people who protect Govern- 
ment officials in the U.S. are extremely 
sensitive to that very problem, it is difficult 
to avoid the appearance of a police state 
when the police are forced to act as if a 
terrorist bombing or an assassination 
were about to occur. And this is the central 
paradox of terrorism: There is no real 
defense against it, because the defense 
itself is an admission of defeat and plays 
into the hands of the terrorists. Throwing 
up the extravagant security curtain 
around the Madison Hotel to protect Pres- 
ident Gemayal was like putting up a great 
neon sign advertising the power of the 
terrorists. 

Terrorism is so effective, in fact, that 
merely suggesting it works as well as com- 
mitting a terrorist act. When Secret $егу- 
ice agents heard rumors that a Libyan hit 
team was coming down from Canada to 
assassinate President Reagan, they were so. 
afraid that it might be true that they 
wouldn’t let him go out to light the White 
House Christmas trec. An unimportant 
failure, it would seem, but one 
with tremendous symbolic value for the 
Libyans. The White House Christmas 
tree, the symbol of peace on earth and 
good will toward men, had been trans- 
formed into a reminder of the American 
giant afraid of its own shadow. 

Although the U.S. has by no means 
become a police state, we have by other- 
insignificant increments made 
changes in our attitudes toward 
authority during the past dozen years, The 
House and the Senate galleries of the U.S. 
Capitol building are guarded by ranks of 
Sentrie metal-detection gates. We say, “So 
what?” Better that than have some nut 
toss a bomb down there. No one would 
ink to object to a luggage search at an 
airport, Clifford, on the other hand, asked 
“how far a democracy can allord to be- 
come undemocratic in dealing with those 
who seck to destroy its very existence. . . 
Should there be restraints on a person's 
freedom to shout ‘Fire!’ in a crowded thea- 
ter. .. ?" Perhaps. It is, after all, illegal to 
joke about bomb threats at an airport gate. 
You can go to jail for it. 

There has been a general blurring of 
where individual rights end and the right 
of society to protect itself against an 


1 begins. Take the 
for example. 

During the fall of 1982, after several 
people had been killed by Tylenol that had 
been laced with cyanide, no one seemed 
even mildly alarmed when video tapes 
were produced showing onc of the victims 
purchasing the Tylenol that killed her. It 
just scemed natural. Indeed, it seemed a 
good thing that those cameras had been 
there, for they also photographed a man 
thought to be a suspect in the murders. He 
turned out to be a look-alike. In fact, dur- 
ing that period of time, precisely what 
Marighella described took place; The 
police roundups . . . of innocent people.” A 
number of people with beards were falsely 
accused because the suspect had a beard. 
But people put up with it in good spirits. 
After all, there was a greater danger afoot, 
a special situation. 

No one, of course, has suggested that 
the Tylenol killings were terrorist acts. 
But they give an idea of how terrorism 
can work even in the largest democratic 
nation. Within a few weeks of the Tylenol 
incident, police agencies were deluged 
with reports from people who cither 
thought they had seen the bearded suspect. 
or thought their drugs had been tampered 
with. Mass hysteria eusued at a high 
school football game when a rumor swept 
through the crowd that the Coca-Cola sold 
there had been poisoned. More than 100 
students were taken to the hospital with 
symptoms of food poisoning, which turned 
out to be anxiety attacks. Overnight, the 
entire country was clamoring lor stricter 
legislation, tighter controls, more security. 

But suppose that this wasn't the act of a 
lone madman. Suppose that the P.L.O. 
had poisoned the Tylenol. And suppose 
that the problem, rather than disappear- 
ing, began to get bigger. Say people began 
dropping dead from eating oranges. One 
year, P.L.O. terrorists injected a few 
Israeli oranges with mercury and the en- 
tire crop had to be destroyed because no 
one would eat them. (Ironically, metallic 
mercury isn’t even particularly poisonous 
when ingested.) The result in such cases is 
that people demand that the government 
do something. Without considering the 
long-range consequences, we give up little 
by little our rights and our freedom for 
the appearance of protection 

This may seem insignificant, but in 
France, the Renseignements Generaux 
(comparable to our FBI), in an effort to 
combat terrorism, has assembled a file of 
22,000,000 nam. arly half the popula- 
п. Scotland Yard has 1,300,000 names 
in a similar file, and West Ge 
BKA secret police has 3,000,000. 

We haven't experienced even a taste of 
what day-to-day terrorism is like in some 
countries, where the university presidents, 
the news commentators, the liberal 
lawyers, the local politicians are slaugh- 
tered systematically, one by one. Yet we 


ylenol case, 


have already allowed intrusions that 
would have been unthinkable 15 years ago 
imagine what we might put up with if a 
trained, well-equipped terrorist group 
selected the United States as a prime 
target. 


б 

Besides being considered one of the 
world’s foremost authorities on terrorism, 
Robert Kupperman is a pure scientist of 
considerable accomplishments. He has 2 
Ph.D. in applied mathematics and а 
grounding in a number of other sciences. 
He is a consultant to the Los Alamos 
Scientific Laboratory and to the Rand 
Corporation, Sandia Laboratories and а 
number of foreign governments. He was 
chief scientist for the U.S. Arms Control 
and Disarmament Agency and organized 
the NATO International Conference on 
Earthquakes. One of his current activities 
is attempting to get the Government to 
face up to the possibility of a problem here 
in the U.S. 

One way he does that is by designing 
terrorist war games. In effect, he plays the 
role of terrorist and thinks up something 
diabolical to do. Then he stages the game 
with members of the Government repre- 
senting those who would actually have to 
react to such a crisis. 

For cxample, suppose terrorists broke 
into a nuclear-weapons-storage site some- 
where in Europe and held some officers (or 
some nuclear weapons) hostage. It would 
hardly matter whether the terrorists ulti- 
mately succeeded or failed; any protracted 
hostage/barricade situation at a nuclear- 
storage facility could easily cause the 
European governments to insist that the 
US. get all its nuclear weapons out of 
Western Europe. That, of course, would 
effectively be d id of NATO. That is the 
sort of problem Kupperman throws at the 
Government. And there are no ready 
answers, If you were President, what 
would you do? 

Kupperman's answer: "You have to end 
it quickly, and you have to face the pos 
bility that some people might get killed in 
the process. You simply evacuate the area 
and end it as neatly as possible. Then you 
hope like hell that confidence is main- 
tained. 

This is a matter of national sovereignty 
of the utmost importance, he says, a casc 
in which the use of force is justified. In 
contrasting the Iranian hostage situa- 
tion the siege by Hanafi Moslems in 
Washington, experts point out that in 
the first case, we should have stormed the 
embassy to end the deadlock, even at the 
risk of lives, because national зоуег‹ 
was at issue. [n the second case, it w. 
and there was no need to use force. TI 
trick is knowing how to react in each 
and to react immediately and never to 
make а mistake 

“That's the point,” says Taylor. “It can 
shred your profession, it can shred your 
country. [t can create great uncertainty, 


If the sound of traffie isn't exactly 
music to your ears, une up the quality of 


your entertai i5 p to Clarion Car 
Stereo. And hear de rld of music make 
a world of differen E - 

By turning rush 

into performance 


MOVEAT THE SPEED OF SOUND. 


PLAYBOY 


176 


that for which the military officers are least 
prepared. Military officers are taught to 
fight set-piece battles toe to toe with the 
enemy. 

And while such lessons as Kupperman 
teaches in his elite classrooms may prove 
valuable, most experts—induding Kup- 
perman himself—agree that it would 
be much easier for terrorists to choose 
chemical- and biological-warfare (C. BM) 
methods than to steal a nuclear weapon. 

Alexander says, "What's really worri- 
some is escalation from conventional to 
nonconventional force—that is, from the 
bomb to the chemical and biological or the 
nuclear. The P.L.O. and Fatah a few years 
ago made the decision to go nuclear to bal- 
ance power with Israel. Whether or not 
they haye, I don’t know. I would not be at 
all surprised if they had. And if you esca- 
late to chemical- and biological-warfare 
methods, it is a threat to civilization itself. 
They ve thought of it. There have already 
been incidents of terrorists using C.B.W., 
and they have been intercepted.” 

Where? I asked. 

All over.” 

In the U.S.? 

He nodded. 

It's not surprising that such incidents 
do not become public. Most Government 
officials don’t even want to think about 
the possibility of C.B.W.’s being used. 
But as early as 1975, Viennese authorities 
arrested a group of Germans who were 
attempting to sell Tabun to terrorists. 
"Tabun is nerve gas. That same year, ter- 
rorists contaminated a Viennese train with 
іодіпе-131, a radioactive isotope that 
causes cancer. And although no one will 
talk much about it, intelligence services 
now have evidence that terrorists are 
creating biological-warſare ^ weapons. 
What, exactly, is biological warfare? 

“Two sailors,” one source said, “ 
nuclear aircraft carrier, contaminated 
a lethal virus. I don't want to name it, It's 
the only disease I know of that the doctors 
and nurses treating it invariably contract. 
It also has a ten-day incubation period 
and a mortality rate of more than 90 per- 
cent. So you'd have this nuclear ghost ship 
drifting nine days out. The Navy doesn't 
like to talk about it. It has already had 
cases in which a single infected sailor con- 
taminated 20 percent of a ship's popula- 
tion—not intentionally, just by accident. 
But you sec the point.” 

“In despair,” Alexander says, “if all 
were lost, terrorists might decide to com- 
mit suicide.” In a paper delivered before a 
conference on the future of warfare, he 
wrote, “It is possible that certain condi- 
tions could provide terrorists with an 
incentive to escalate their attacks dramati- 
cally. Relevant examples include 
perceptions that the ‘cause’ is lost and, 
hence, recourse to the ‘ultimate weapon’ is 
justified.” He calls such suicide the Sam- 
son Solution: Bring the whole house down, 
taking the Philistincs with you. 

A few years ago, when a Princeton stu- 


dent designed an atom bomb, a great deal 
was made of the case with which a terrorist 
group could "hold the world hostage." 
Although it is highly likely that a “gray 
market” in plutonium will arise over the 
course of this decade, according to intelli- 
gence sources, the atom bomb isn’t the 
likely weapon of choice. It is difficult and 
dangerous to make a nuclear weapon. 
There are easier ways. And those in the 
counterterrorism business are worried that 
if they have thought of such methods, so 
have the terrorist: 

If Kupperman is America's top expert 
on terrorist games, Heichal may be the 
world's foremost designer of those exer- 
cises in the unthinkable. For cach game, a 
handbook is written and kept under lock 
and key. "They're very dangerous," 
Heichal says. "We always think of what 
would happen ifsomeone got hold of them. 
Then there are scenarios we think up that 
we are afraid even to write down. They are 
too simple, too horrible. I wake up at night 
sometimes thinking about them. 

Taylor believes that the risk of playing 
terrorist war games is worth taking. He 
says it’s necessary to “make people con- 
front the incidents and think them through 
before they happen.” What, exactly, is it 
that the experts are worried might hap- 
pen? There are two sides to the problem. 
One is that terrorists might attack our 
high technology. The other is that they 
might use high technology to attack us. 

In the first instance, a few pcople with 
rocket-propelled grenades (easily available 
on the black market) could knock out the 
electrical power for a large part of the New 
York City area. The grenade launchers 
would be in the back of their jeep, covered 
by a tarpaulin, They would stop by the 
side of the road, fire, cover the weapon and 
be gone before anyone knew what had 
happened. The targets: extremely high- 
voltage transformers (E.H.V.s). They're 
custom-made in Europe, one-of-a-kind 
items, and there are no replacements wait- 
ing if one is destroyed. It could take up to 
six months to replace a single E.H.V. The 
‘ones that control all the power for New 
York City are within firing range ofa large 
hway. When New York was blacked out 
for only one day, in 1977, there was uncon- 
trolled looting, arson and general chaos. 
No one wants to think what а two-week 
blackout might do, yet the E. H.V.s remain 
largely unprotected today. 

A group of fewer than a dozen terrorists 
could cut off 75 percent of the natural-gas 
supply to the Eastern Scaboard in a few 
hours without ever leaving the state of 
Louisiana. The pumping stations and the 
places where exposed pipes cross rivers are 
unguarded. In the middle of winter, such 
an attack could cripple the nation, The 
cost of the operation would be a few 
thousand dollars. 

Nearly every convenience of 2 technolog- 
ical society represents a possible point 
of vulncrability. Several times, Palestinian 
terrorists have been caught with surface- 


to-air missiles and rocket-propelled gre- 
nades—twice while attempting to shoot 
down airliners. These small, light weapons 
can be dismantled and carried in a suit- 
case. It would require no great skill to hit 
one of the enormous natural-gas storage 
tanks near Kennedy Airport with such a 
weapon. Many people on the East Coast 
saw what the explosion of one gasoline 
storage tank was like when it burned in 
New Jersey for а full week last January. 
The explosion of a natural-gas storage 
tank would make that seem trivial by 
comparison. 

More subtle attacks on high-technology 
targets would require few men and only a 
little knowledge, most of it readily avail 
able. The air-traffic-control system 
prime target. Minor interruptions in serv- 
ice due to malfunction have frequently re- 
sulted in near disaster. A concerted effort 
to disable the system could be devastating. 

Another point of vulnerability is the 
computer. In a society in which the most 
valuable information is stored as tiny clec- 
trical charges on bits of magnetic material, 
a small (if sophisticated) effort would be 
required to bring about complete disrup- 
tion of business. The crasure of records at 
a major bank or investment firm (or, say, 
the IRS) would be sufficient to jeopardize 
public confidence in all computer informa- 
tion. It could be done without breal 
to the building, by using equipment that 
would fit into a truck parked outside. To 
describe the construction of that equip- 
ment would be irresponsible, for while 
it is true that some computers are now 
shielded against such dangers, the vast 
majority are not. 


б 

In the view of counterterrorists, then, 
the United States is like an exquisitely 
constructed glass house. A stone thrown 
by a child could put a noticeable hole in it 
A few stones thrown by clever enemies 
could bring it crashing to the ground. And 
neither the atom bomb nor the largest 
standing army in the West would be ofany 
use in preventing the destruction. 

But that’s just half the worry. What 
about terrorists using high technology 
against the U.S.? For example, cobalt 60 is 
а commonly available radioactive isotope 
used in cancer therapy. It is, in Kupper- 
man’s words, “а nasty gamma emitter.” 
What if someone sprinkled it throughout 
an abandoned building in lower Manhat- 
tan and then alerted the authorities? The 
area would be sealed off A massive 
cleanup effort, worth far more than 
the building itself, might help. Most likely, 
the area would be uninhabitable for years. 

“But what," Kupperman asks, Would 
the authorities do when a message arrived 
threatening to do the same thing to a large 
high-rise office building? It would be im- 
possible to scarch сусгуопс entering сусгу 
building in Manhattan. It would be equal- 
ly impossible to install Geiger counters at 
every entrance to every building. The fact 
is, no one wants to think about it, because 


You found it. True. 
The most tasteful ultra low tar in the race. Taste it. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


King size: 4 то. "tar", 0.4 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette, FTC Report Dec. 1981 


PLAYBOY 


no one knows what to do.” 

The question of biological warfare in the 
hands of terrorists is a delicate one. One 
senior fellow at C.S.LS. warned us not 
even to mention it. It is too hot, too risk 
But Kupperman and others feel that if we 
“keep our heads in the sand” for too long, 
we are just asking for trouble. Given the 
evidence that intelligence services have 
already compiled to show that terrorists 
have attempted biological warfare, the 
more or less academic now. 
1 warfare is a possibilit 

“Suppose,” Kupperman says, that one 
day, the FBI gets a call that there is a 
package they should pick up at an address 
in Harlem. Suppose they pick up this 
package and inside is a sealed glass con- 
lainer, and inside it are two dead rats 
infested with fleas. Suppose, further, that 
thesc arc taken to a lab and arc found to be 
infected with bubonic plague. What do 
you do?” In the [4th Century, plague 
killed three fourths of the population of 
Europe and Asia. 


“Or lers make it simpler,” Kupperman 
says. “Suppose the FBI receives a tiny 
phial with anthrax spores in it and a note 
demanding that the United States begin 
powers to create 


Along with that is a plan to run a small 
issi Memphis to 


boat up the M 


ippi froi 
with a hi 


the atmosphere during the entire 200-mile 
trip. Pulmonary anthrax runs its course 
a day or two. The onset is like that of a 
common cold. During the crucial early 
hours when treatment might help, no one 
would even report such symptoms. After 
that, the mortality rate nears 100 percent. 
Depending on which way the wind is 
blowing at the time the boat passes, the 
death toll could reach into the hundreds of 
thousands. 

There is an island off the coast of Scot- 
land called Gruinard, where the British. 
conducted anthrax experiments during 
World War Two. It is now uninhabited. 


“Want to have a litle wife-swapping party 
later on tonight?” 


Scientists went there in 1966 to measi 
concentrations of anthrax spores. When 
they returned, they reported that the is- 
land would remain uninhabitable for at 
least another century. 

“Now imagine that you are President of 
the United States,” Kupperman says. 
“What would you do?” 

Т asked whether such things could take 
place without the public's finding out— 
whether, say, President Reagan could 
y have been blackmailed by the 
.L.O. in some way. The only th the 
public would see would be subtle shifts in 
foreign policy, such as a shift from favoring 
Israel to favoring the creation of a 
Palestinian homeland. 

I don't think it’s happened, no,” says 
Kupperman. “But primarily, that’s be- 
cause I think it would leak. [fit happened, 
word would get out. I also don't think the 
terrorists are politically that sophisticated 
yet. But it could be done, yes.” 

As one colleague says of him, “If Kup- 
perman were a terrorist, he'd bring West 
ivilization to its knees within a week. 
And there are thousands of qualified sc 
tists out there who could conceivably de 
the same. 


е 
In light of the fact that even a single per- 
son bent on wreaking havoc could do so, 
the question of what we are prepared to 
do—or are even capable of doing—about 
it remains. Such questions 2s whether or 
not the Soviet Union is directing world- 
wide terrorism fall away when the practi- 
cal considerations are brought forth 
What, indeed, would the President do? 

The war games have been an attempt to 
answer those questions. But is anyone 
listening to the answers? 

In July 1979, there was an international 
conference on terrorism in Israel. At the 
end of the conference, a war game was 
played, Each government had its own 
team. The line-up was formidable. Israeli 
experts played a group of Palestinian ter- 
rorists who hijacked a jetliner to Iran. 
Once the airliner arrived, the Ayatollah 
Khomeini held the American passengers 
hostage. He wouldn't give an inch. Neither 
would the terrorists. 
gence chief Aharon Yariv wouldn't budge, 
either. U.S. Ambassador Anthony Quain- 
ton, former head of the State Department’s 
Olfice for Combating Terrorism, wanted 
to continue negotiating, while American 
military experts wanted to attempt an 
Entebbe-style rescue operation. The 
game ended with American hostages still 
held in Iran, and everyone returned to real 
life. Less than three months later, the 
US. embassy in Iran was actually taken 
over. The Ayatollah refused to free the 
hostages. 

What happened? Why didn’t the re- 
hearsal pay of? The answer lies, in part, 
in the history of attempts to cope 
with terrorism. In response to the Pales- 
tinian-terrorist attack that left 11 Israeli 


Discover Seagram's V. O. 
Unexpectedly smooth. 49.950 light. 
~~~ Mixed or straight, you'll taste 

the difference. 2 

Of course whenever you drink, | 
you should know when to stop. But 
you should also know where to start. 
That's VO. The one you'll stay with. 


Jf CANADA'S FEST WHISKIES 6 YEARS ОП {60 PROOF 


zm В Ere . 5 - 1 
a Break away from the ordinary. Discover the drink with a difference. 


PLAYBOY 


athletes dead at the 1972 Olympic Games, 
Henry Kissinger formed the Cabinet Com- 
mittee to Combat Terrorism (C. C. C. I.). 
Composed of about a dozen people at the 
Cabinet level, it was supposed to formu- 
late United States policy and design a 
strategy for coping with future incidents. 
The C.C.C.T.'s history is a simple one: It 
held one meeting. 

Ar that meeting, it was decided to dele- 
gate the problem. A working group was 
formed. The C.C.C.T. Working Group 
(C.C.C. T. W.G.) met perhaps 100 times. It 
is axiomatic in government that a commit- 
tee's importance diminishes with the pas- 
sage of time, no matter what its business. 
At first, assistant secretaries and undersec- 
retaries attended the meetings. After a 
while, however, no one above the rank of 
colonel was showing up. Moreover, some 
two dozen departments and agencies were 
represented within the C. C. C. T. W. G. 
The meetings were usually 75 or 100 people 
strong. Not only were there too many 
people in one room to get anything done 
but the various representatives wouldn't 
talk with one another. The issues were too 
sensitive. A lot of information was clas- 
sified, and no one was sure who could 
(or should) know what. The FBI, for ex- 
ample, steadfastly insisted that it had the 
terrorist problem solved. 

By 1974, it had become obvious that the 
C.C.C.T.W.G. wouldn't work. The Ex- 
ecutive Group was formed. This was а 
pared-down version of the working group. 
that wouldn't work, with representatives 
from the Departments of State, Defense, 
Justice, Treasury; the Joint Chiefs; the 
FAA, the CIA; the Department of Energy; 
and the National Security Council. While 
the Executive Group did involve itself in 
planning for terrorist threats, it limited 
that planning to those situations it was 
sure could be handled. The members 
didn’t want to think about more difficult 
problems that might arise. Аз Kupperman 
puts it, “They can solve all the problems 
that will go away on their own. The tric! 
ier ones, such as an attack on the electri 
cal power grid or the use of germ warfare, 
they wouldn't touch." 

Virtually the same group. consisting of 
the same key people (mostly at the threc- 
star-gencral level), exists today. 

In spite of all the bureaucratic confu- 
sion, however, the United States does have 
a plan of sorts for coping with terrorism. It 
involves what is called the lead-agency 
concept. If the incident occurs on U.S. 
soil, the Justice Department (FBI) will 
take the lead. If the incident takes place 
abroad, the State Department will take 
charge. When Carter came to power, 
he issued Presidential Review Memo 
(PRM)-30, which stated four things: (1) 
‘The U.S. would never give in to a terrorist 
demand. (2) The lead-agency concept was 
to be followed. (3) The National Security 
Council would coordinate Justice and 
State during a terrorist incident. (4) The 


Federal Emergency Management Agency 
(FEMA) and the Centers for Disease Cor 
trol would have responsibility for "clcan- 
ing up” after any terrorist incident that 
took on the proportions of a national 
emergency (e.g. the blackout of New Yor 
or the contamination of the San Francisco 
subway system with anthrax). Since Car- 
ter issued PRM-30, it is difficult to say that 
its major directions have been followed; no 
matter how good a document is, it is going 
to be violated in time of crisis. And there is 
serious question as to whether or not 
FEMA can handle any emergency of this 
magnitude. 

FEMA is a composite agency, drawing 
Irom the Olfice of Preparedness, the Feder- 
al Disaster Assistance Administration, 
Civil Defense and half a dozen other 
offices. It is the same agency that is now 
well known for thinking up the scheme to 
provide everyone with change-of-address 
forms after a nuclear war. The strategy of 
this and all other agencies involved in con- 
templating terrorism is one of hiding be- 
hind a screen of secrecy and then hoping 
that whatever happens is either small 
cnough to handle or so cnormous that no 
one can be blamed for failing to cope 
with it. 

Perhaps the most important thing to 
know about this complex mechanism for 
responding to terrorism is that it was in 
place when the U.S. Embassy in Tehran 
was captured. Although it was supposedly 
ready to swing into action the moment the 
incident occurred, the entire U.S. appa- 
ratus to cope with terrorism was ignored 
during the Iranian crisis. Ad hoc commit- 
tees were hastily thrown together to come 
up with solutions to the problem, with 
widely publicized and tragic results. That, 
in short, is precisely what would happen 
today if another major terrorist incident 
occurred. It may be worse now than under 
the Сапег Administration, because 
Reagan’s failure to prove the Soviet con- 
nection has forced him into the position of 
quietly dropping the ball in favor of some 
other more manageable public-relations 
tool. Terrorism, it seems, is just too hot to 
handle. 


. 

For the counterterrorists, however, the 
problem is too hot uot to handle. And 
whether or not you take the peint of view 
that terrorism in the U.S. is imminent, the 
most difficult part of dealing with it or 
preparing to deal with it is going to be 
avoiding the appearance of a police state. 
Because terrorism is such a complex and 
subtle weapon, our reaction to it must be 
carefully thought out. Overnight solutions 
make nice politics but little else. 

As Clifford has written: “Thus did 
Pisistratus appear in the market place 
with wounds that he claimed had been in- 
flicted in a murder attack by rival factions; 
he asked for and received, thereby, а vote 
of confidence giving him a bodyguard оГ 
citizens. Since a bodyguard has no prede- 
termined size and there were no other 


forces to control its growth, Pisistratus was 
able to expand the force into a personal 
army to repress the citizens of Athens. And 
his method was copied not only by Diony- 
sius of Syracuse but also by a number of 
modem dictators from Hitler to Idi Amin 
and from Lenin to the late "Papa Doc” 
Duvalier.” 

In December 1982, a 66-year-old Miami 
man drove his van up to the Washington 
Monument and got out wearing a snow- 
mobile suit and a helmet. He refused to 
speak with police but did tell a reporter 
that the truck was loaded with high explo- 
sives and that he would blow up the monu- 
ment if something weren't done about 
nuclear-arms control. Meanwhile, minc 
people were inside the monument, afraid 
to come out. The situation dragged on 
through the afternoon and into the night. 
The “hostages” walked away without in- 
terference from the "terrorist." At some 
point, the man decided to move his truck, 
and the police opened fire, killing him. 

Reflecting on the situation, a well- 
known expert on hostage negotiations says 
that there was no communication between 
the man and a police negotiator—none of 
the human transference of feelings that 
usually takes place, “For that reason, and 
the basic belief that they had to make an 
object lesson out of the situation, there was 
а lot of macho, a lot of hysteria involved. 
Most of us suspected that he had no explo- 
ives anyway. And even if he had them, 
there was no risk to anyone. The police 
could have surrounded the van with buses, 
for example. Even if he had set off explo- 
sives, that would have contained the blast. 
If he didn’t set them off, they could have 
shot out his tires and waited him out. And, 
of course, he had no explosives. But the 
park police couldn't stand the embarrass- 
ment, so they killed this 66-year-old man. 

If terrorists were watching and were 
pleased when President Gemayel stayed at 
the Madison Hotel in Washington, they 
would have been delighted to sce U 
authorities, just blocks from the White 
House, slaughtering an old man in a snow- 
mobile suit while the President moved his 
dinner guests to the other side of the man- 
sion so as not to be disturbed by the 
gunfire. 

The point is, there are times when we 
can afford to be humane. There are times, 
in fact, when to avoid the appearance of a 
police state we are obligated to act hu- 
manely. Here there was no question of 
national gnty involved. Nothing 
was at stake. To take a life was to play the 
very role real terrorists would prefer the 
US, to play: the imperialist ogre lashing 
ош. 

And that, finally, may be the most dif- 
ficult challenge a democratic nation faces 
from the terrorist threat: to be alert 
enough to see terrorism where it exists— 
but wise enough to resist seeing it where it 


docs not. 


sove 


PLAYBOY 


TERRORISTS GUIDE 


(continued from page 90) 


“The U.S. is a paradise for the terrorist. Everyone 


wants to help here and usually does. 


2» 


antiterrorist expert working for the 
„P.D. Hc is Commander George Mor- 
rison, and my source indicated that he is 
called in to advise law-enforcement agen- 
cies all over the country. Rathburn 
wouldn’t let me talk with him, however. It 
secms that Morrison has drawn depart- 
mental rebukes for his outspoken dealings 
with the press—for telling it like it is, in 
other words. 

As for the FBI, it has generally main- 
taincd a low-profile, no-comment posture 
on its Olympics planning. Director Wil- 
liam Webster has indicated, however, that 
the bureau expects to take a leading role in 
the event of a terrorist raid. Its response 
force will include its own SWAT team, as 
well as the Delta “Blue Light” Team, the 
United States’ answer to the British anti- 
terrorist Special Air Service and the West 
German G.S.G.9. 

Sources in the LX. P. D. bridled at the 
suggestion that the plans that have been 
developed locally over the past two years 
will be pre-empted by the bureau. Mean- 
while, the FBI's press-relations agent told 
"re on the right track trying to 
pin down just who has the responsibility.” 
‘Then he added, “Lotsa luck.” 

But even with Morrison's expertise, 
even with the FBI and the Blue Light 
Team, this looks like a bad time to be hold- 
ing an Olympics in the U.S., much less in 
Los Angeles, where far-flung facilities 


make security especially tough. I wanted 
to find out how the other side might be 
viewing things, so [ got together 
someone who knows the terrorist mind 
and method firsthand. 


* 

“You look like shit,” I told John Miller 
when [ picked him up at Los Angeles In- 
temational Airport. Miller is a brawling 
professional soldier who trained with the 
Special Air Service in Great Britain. He 
was undercover in Belfast against the Irish 
Republican Army. He kidnaped the Great 
Train Robbery fugitive, Ronnie Biggs, 
from Brazil. The international press keeps 
an eye on this archetypal rogue, who's al- 
ways in transit and trouble. He had just 
gotten back from a foray into Angola. A 
discolored right check added authenticity. 

“I got hit with a rifle butt,” he said 
“We were reconnoitering—looking for an 
opportunity to take some British and 
American mercenaries out of prison down 
there. Three big guys jumped up. We put 
them down and left the guns. Stupid. My 
mate got shot under here.” He poked his 
thumb at my back. “Had to leave "im with 
some friends, He was coughing up blood 
Nicked the lung, I think.” 

We started to fill each other in on Olym- 
pics logistics. In 1932, Los Angeles was the 
t Olympics city to build housing faci 
ties specifically for the games. In modern 
times, it will be the first no to build new 
facilities. The University of California at 


Los Angeles and the University of South- 
ern California will house the majority of 
the athletes. Never have the games been 
scheduled at such geographic distances as 
the 1984 venues, the Olympics word for 
the playing sites. The 23 venues are spread 
out beyond the boundaries of the County 
of Los Angeles, which itself covers an 
area of more than 4000 square miles 
Never has so much space been allocated 


Angeles Convention Center—334,000 
square fect of floor area—has been leased. 
And never has the President of the United 
States officiated at the opening cere- 
monies. 

"To compound the problems, you're 
also dealing with a nation of nice guys,” 
Miller said as we sat down to dinner at a 
restaurant on Sunset Strip. “The U.S. is a 
paradise for the terrorist. Everyone wants 
to help here and usually does. Especially 
to help people with a foreign accent. You 
can’t even look over a fence in Russia. 
Also, the U.S. is an open target because 
it’s the only country in the world where ev- 
ery piece of necessary military equipment 
is sold right in the open or nearly so. Give 
mea few hours and ГЇЇ get you an antitank 
cannon with live shells for your front yard. 

"They'll send in a four-man cell to 
reconnoiter,” he continued. “They'll dig 
away and gather information." 

“How hard is it to get that kind of 
information?" I asked. 

“How hard? Tomorrow, ГЇЇ show you.” 

The next day, we went to the Olympic 
Organizing Committee headquarters at 
the UCLA campus. I told someone in the 
press wing that I was writing something. 
Len minutes later, I had maps, schedules 
formation about the venues, as well 
as detailed geographic and demographic 
information about the city of Los Angeles. 
I didn’t show any L.D. until later, when 1 
interviewed Best. He was the only careful 
person I spoke with—the only one who 
seemed to recognize that effective security 
starts long before the games themselves. 
On the way out, Miller lifted an offi 
nizing-committce security badge. He 
just took the badge from a visitor’s clothes 
“A ticket," he said. 

“And if you could do it” I started 
to say. 

"That's right. So could they. That's 
America. This badge would get any terror- 
ist admittance to the inside, at least during 
the planning stages. I don't think there's 
another country that's so bloody easy. 

“No one can guarantee public safety at 
the 1984 games,” he said. “There is no 


and 


way Russia, even a post-Brezhncy Russia, 
is going to want to sce it blood-frec. 
Whatever the Soviets’ volvement in 


international terrorism, they'd like to 
demonstrate that which you ignore on an 
international scale: that the freedom 
Americans have is fraught with danger 
and crime and murder. You may be rich 
and free, but you have no discipline or 
order—prized values in the rest of the 


WHEN THE PRODUCTION 


OF A MOTORCYCLE IS 
LIMITED, THE ATTENTION 
DETAIL ISN'T. 


This year, fewer than 5,000 
BMW motorcycles were produced 
for the entire continent of North 


America. Honda, Yamaha and Suzuki, 


ın Comparison, created a swarm of 
over a milion machines. 

Yet, what makes a BMW mo- 
torcycle truly rare goes far beyond its 
limited numbers. 

Unlike their cranked-out coun- 
terparts all BMW frames, for 
ample, are welded almost entirely by 
human hand instead of machine 

Upon this steady foundation are 
mounted critical components in- 
dividually X-rayed to determine their 
stress value. 


Each screw, each nut used to 
Secure these components is, wher- 
ever necessary, coated with cadmi- 
um to resist corrosion. 

As it inches along the assem 
bly line, a BMW is inspected an aver- 
age of once every 72 seconds. 
Single-part components receive 22 
Separate inspections, Even the in- 
Spectors are inspected. 

And then each and every com- 
pleted machine is individually test rid- 
den at speeds of over 85mph. A 
crucial trial run for which mass-pro- 
ducers simply do not have time. 

he age 
| rattle to the scrap pile 


before reaching 14,000 miles, the 


unlimited 

The end, it would s 
than justifies the means. And hel 
machine like the $3,990 R6 
above to more than justify its pric 


MOTORCYCLES OF 
GERMANY. 


PLAYBOY 


Pepperdine 
University 
Water Polo 


LA Coliseu 
се 


world. The Soviets would also like to teach 
the U.S. a lesson for Jimmy Carter's deci- 
sion to trash the summer games in 1980. 
It’s the only answer to Moscow's broken 
window on communism. What сап L.A. 
do to protect itself? It can't adequately 
protect its ordinary citizens from domestic 
predator 

The city has black and Latin gangs that 
can’t be controlled, plus the cops are going 
to have their hands full with more ordi- 
nary home-grown cons and creeps. Every 
pimp, whore, grifier, drifter, pickpocket, 
con man, crackpot, flimflam man, swin- 
ег, diddler and panhandler within 500 
miles will be in L.A., moving in for the kill. 

And then you get to the visitors. Anti- 
nuke, antiwar, anti-abortion activists; neo- 
Nazis; Ku Klux Klanners; the Jewish 
Defense League; fellow-traveler U.S. 
citizens from 30 countries, Solidarity activ- 
ists; the Weather Underground; Black 
Liberation Army; and uncounted splinter 
organizations— they'll all be moving in for 
à shot at the gold: headlines. 

“What about the backlash after 
Munich?" I asked Miller. “Black Septem- 


1 ber is gone from the scene, and the P. L. O. 


1984 
OLYMPIC SITES 


Santa Anita. 


Race Track 


Sports Arena 
ЄЎ Boxing 


Long Beach 


Convention Genter 
Fencing 


has, after all, moved into the political 
arena. Edgar Best thinks that it'll be 
calm here, like Moscow, Montreal and 
Lake cid." 

“Maybe,” he said. “But these people 
are terrorists. That’s their busin 
how they live. They vork together. Just 
because the provisional g of the I. R. &. 
gets some parliamentary representation 
doesn't mean that it won't be out killing 
horses and kids and heroes, like Mount- 
bauen. Terrorists’ egos are tied to destruc- 
tion, and their employment depends on 
death. 

“You retire them like this.” He pointed 
a finger at my temple. “You take them and 
kill them as quick as you can, They 
don't sit around rocking at some old folks 
home; they have to fucking die. It’s like 
getting fired.” 

We visited the two principal Olympic 
Villages—the student housing areas at the 
huge USC and UCLA campuses. While 
the facilities weren't built for security, 
Commander Rathburn said that they 
would be secured and the athletes would 
be completely isolated. When I mentioned 
Munich, he had no comment. He knew 


Cal Poly Pomona 
Handbell © 


L.A, Memorial Goliscum 


Opening Ceremony 
Closing Ceremony 


Anaheim Convention Center 


Coto de Сага, Orange County 
Modern Pentathlon .. 


what I was writing about. “I'd like to keep. 
a lid on this whole thing,” he said. “You're 
playing with dynamite.” 

Maps of the campuses are readily avail- 
able. When Miller and I visited UCLA, it 
was difficult for us to figure out how any- 
one could control traffic and access to 
those busy arcas. “There are service tun- 
nels all over the place,” said Miller. 
“They'll have to watch those. Christ, 
here's Boelter Hall. You know what's in 
there?" 

“No,” I said 

“A fucking nuclear reactor. Its right in 
the middle of L.A. One terrorist cell—four 
men—gocs in there, sets time charges in 
satchel bombs and booby-traps the works 
апа? 


Holy shit,” I said. 

“That's a lot of publicity, a little melt- 
down and fallout," he said. “The athlctes 
are going to have exposure going to and 
coming from those widespread venues. No 
Olympics participants have ever had to be 
trucked so far. It’s a nightmare to control, 
and there will be many targets of oppor- 
tunity.” 

The weight-lifting events will be held at 


= 
1 34 g — a ba - мы 
| S am ff ili U 4 
Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined | 15 — ) й 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. ۲ . 


AUI TT UM | - |: 2m _ 1,. mE 


A 


Pleasure is where you find it: 


VICEROY Rich Lights Kings, Bmg" 18", 0.Zmg. fico 
VICEROY Kings, 15 mo. "tar" J. 0 тӯ nicotine av. par 
cigarette, FTC Report Dec. Bl. 


DOE ice 


PLAYBOY 


Loyola Marymount University. Ме 
walked through the gymnasium. “The 
Israclis will be a number-one target,” Mil- 
ler said. “Weight lifting is one of their 
sports. It could happen here. A cell could 
take over or rent onc of the little private 
houses on the road in here and use а cou- 
ple of hand-launched wire-guided missiles 
The bus comes by 
escape. L.A. has a lot of r 

“What about diversionary tactics?" 1 
asked. 

“They're not going to waste bodies with 
grandstanding,” he said. They'll pick one 
prime target and a secondary one. Sure, 


and—zap!—easy 


ads." 


they could drop a bunch of incendiary de- 
vices in the hills and forests. They could 
burn Southern California and distract an 
entire raft of police and firemen, but that's 
not likely. No, it would be risking bodies to 
take bodies.” 

The Los Angeles Convention Genter 
will hold news representatives from all 


over the world. Again, we had no trouble 


gaining access through a back door. Part of 


the cight-acre facility was being used for 
an exotic-plant-growers convention. “This 
could be a real problem,” said Miller. He 
showed me where city garbage tucks 
drive right up on the 


main floor, “Load 


DRAMBUIE OVER ICE 
WITH PARK PLACE 


one of those trucks with explosives and 
that'sa lot of news. That's I. R.A.-style stuff 
And, probably, this facility is not going to 
get much protection. The security people 
are going to have to watch everything.” 
At the Forum, the basketball venue, we 
rained that security would be pro- 


ast 


vided mostly by th 
mal activities. Those guys are OK for 
rowdies and drunks,” Miller said. “А lot 
of them are off-duty cops, and they can 
bust teeth. But against trained terrorists, 
you need pros. That's a problem.” 

We visited most of the other venues. 
Even to an untrained eye, the opportuni- 
ties for a creative scenario for death 
loomed clear, from sniping at the yachting 
events in Long Beach Harbor to automatic 
fire on massed cyclists on the road at Cal 
State University in Dominguez Hills to a 
grenade assault at the equestrian events at 
Santa Anita Park. 

“Thi Miller 
said. "Terrorism is high theater with pub- 
licity as the prize. Whatever terrorists do, 
it has to be huge and terrible.” 

. 


guards used for nor- 


is a town of theatrics,” 


When we visited the Coliseum, the site 
of the opening ceremonies and the track- 
and-field events, Miller immediately no- 
ticed the number of entrances. “There are 
90 ways in here. [tll take an army to vet 
the spectators. At the opening ceremonies, 
they'll have heads of state, the business- 
and-industry sponsors. . . .” 

“It's an election year; a lot of candidates 
will be here,” 1 said 

“And President said 
“They might try a Sadat-type suicide run, 
say from the marching athletes 

We walked into the huge empty arena 
No one stopped us. “This would be the 
prime target,” Miller said. “The President 
will probably land out there on the field by 
helicopter. Security will have to do a real 
job here.” 

We climbed all over, looking for vantage 
points. It was eerie contemplating destruc- 
tion. “Maybe they'll just rent a military- 
type Cobra helicopter and outfit it with 
fire control" said Miller. "You can rent 
anything in Hollywood; they use them in 
films. Then it comes in over the far side 
there with rockets. Wham!” 

“Yecch,” I said. “They'd have to be 
crazy. What an end” 

“Not quite,” he said. “The terrorists are 
doing business. Security has to bankrupt 
them. Unless interagency 
appears, unless intelligence is quick and 
coordination is ironclad, this could be the 
last Olympics.” 

The reconnaissance tour was over and 1 


Reagan; he 


rivalry dis- 


was driving him to the airport. His check 
was almost healed, and he was leaving to 
find more trouble, He was always in the 
thick of it 


о, where are you going to be on July 
28, 19842" Т said. 
Right here in L.X." Miller said. 


Where else?” 


187 


PLAYBOY 


(continued from page 102) 


“I did not know if it was I who longed for her, or she 
for me, but there was some longing left.” 


orders, I was Her nearest enemy, well, I 
could hardly think of Her death when on 
these little expeditions, I saw a fellow or 
two who might be trouble to Her life. 
Besides, another difficulty was there. 
Her oldest Son, Amen-khep-shu-ef, used 
to accompany Her. Now, I was replacing 
the Prince. He might be the General who 
had replaced me, but that hardly counted 
for Him. He let me know by His first look 
of greeting how welcome I was. Each 
morning, I expected Him to meet me at 
the double door to Her bedroom and say, 
“I will accompany the Queen today. You 
need not come.” Would I know how to re- 
ply? At Kadesh, He had still been a boy, 
although fierce enough already to die be- 
fore He would lose a battle, but I had 
known for years that He was beyond my 
own strength. Indeed, He was still so tall 
and straight that His name among soldiers 
was Ha!—just so quick was the sound of 
His spear through the air! You only had to 
look at Amen-Ha, and the gods in yourself 
rocked backward. So I would not dare to 
oppose Him directly—yet I could never 
watch my Queen ride off with Her Son. 
For on just such a day could an assassina- 
tion of the King be plotted. There, right in 
the hour that the Good God might be ex- 
piring in His own blood on the marble 
floor of His own palace, She could be safe 
with Amen-khep-shu-ef in any one of a 
hundred noble mansions, or away in some 
secret little hovel in the maze of Thebes. I 
was by Her side to protect Her, but I also 
had to be ready to reach Her side, and in 
the next instant, Her heart. Like my 
Monarch, I inhabited two lands at once. 
ОГ course, on any day that Amen-khep- 
shu-ef ordered me to stay behind, and I 
dared to refuse, the Prince could slay me 
before the echo would be heard. Then He 
could tell whatever tale He wished. So it 
was not comfort I found in my new house. 
Yet, how I enjoyed each day with Nefer- 
tiri, In all the hours І had spent with 
Honcy-Ball, І still did not know how to 
treat her. Ma-Khrut had been as much a 
priest, a beast, and a fellow soldier as my 
own woman, and besides we were always 
working at one ceremony or another. Or so 
I remembered our life together after fifteen 
days away. Still, I tossed at night until I 
could have been in a storm at sea. I did not 
know if it was I who longed for her, or she 
for me, but there was some longing left. I 
knew the suddenness ofour separation had 
many strange effects upon me, for when I 
was with Nefertiri, I could (ссі Honcy-Ball 
sending me favors or withdrawing them. I 
might pour a wine with a decorum as per- 
fect as a goddess coming to drink from Her 
own pool, and know it was Ma-Khrut's 


hand that guided the calm measure of 
mine, or, equally, I could leave a ring of 
moisture on the table from the base of the 
golden pitcher, and be certain my former 
mistress had Jed me to dribble a few drops 
off the lip. 

Yet, give me an hour alone with Nefer- 
uri, and I knew happiness. She spoke so 
well. It was magic. With Honey-Ball, I 
sometimes felt, when most dejected, that 
magic had the weight of a ritual practiced 
much too much in the caverns of the night. 
Sitting beside Nefertiri, however, I learned 
of the other magic that rises from the song 
of birds or the undulation of the flowers. It 
is certain She seduced the air with the 
sweetness of Her voice. 

It hardly mattered of what She spoke. 
She had been obliged to be together with 
the people of Her Court so long that She 
delighted in the smallest conversation with 
me, and wanted to know about the hours 
of my life which I would tell to no one else. 
Soon I realized that in all the years of Her 
marriage to Usermare, She had never 
spoken at length to anyone who lived in 
the Gardens of the Secluded, and so She 
always wished to hear of the little queens. 
There was not one whose name She did 
not know, for She had learned much about 
them from their families, who were always 
eager to tell about the early lives of their 
little princesses, lost to them. She corre- 
sponded prodigiously, and on many a day 
She would show me Her work, and I was 
so seduced as to feel I had received a dear 
gift. The purity of Her divine little sticks 
and snares and pots and curves, the colors 
of Her letters, and the precious life of the 
creatures She painted made the papyrus 
tremble in my hand as if the wings of the 
birds furled by Her fine brush were now 
unfettered and could glide through my 
fingers in their flight. Golden were the 
hours I sat beside Her while She composed 
these letters. 


. 

One night, She had Amen-khep-shu-ef 
brought together with myself for dinner, 
and it was clear Her purpose was to ei 
courage friendliness between us, or, failing 
that, bring us to some recognition of how 
we were each servants of Her “great need” 
as She came at last to put it, and it was 
then I came to understand something 
about the grandest ladies. One could not 
be a Queen without a great need. Whether 
Hers might be to injure Rama-Nefru, lay 
revenge on Usermare, or establish Amen- 
khep-shu-ef in succession to His Father— 
who could say? 

Yet I knew that Amen-khep-shu-ef 
would never love me. He loved His 
Mother too much, and with the wrong 


mouth as we used to say in the charioteers. 
Indeed, She even called Amen-xhep-shu- ef 
by His little name as if the thought of His 
spear was always in Her thoughts. 
“Amen-Ha,” She would say, “why do You 
frown so?" and I, seated in the middle of 
the long table, felt smaller than myself, 
and not at all in the conversation. He 
spoke to Her only of matters about which I 
knew nothing, of His brothers and their 
‘wives, of hunts in the desert when She had 
accompanied Him, of a day most recently 
when She had stood beside Him in a boat 
of papyrus while He struck down eight 
birds on five casts of His throwing stick 
and the last bird had fallen into Her lap: 
There was a purity of understanding be- 
tween Them I could not enter. 

She made efforts to bring the conversa- 
tion to me. When I complimented Her on 
the beauty of Her writing, I was treated to 
a little explanation on the rarity of the 
school to which She had been sent as a 
child. It was one of the very few of the 
Houses of Instruction in Egypt where girls 
might go, but many were the difficulties for 
the teachers. The students happened all io 
be princesses, or, at the least, the daugh- 
ters of nomarchs was Honey-Ball, a 
classmate of Nefertiri, I would yet discov- 
er) and so could hardly be whipped by 
thcir teachers. “Yet,” She said, “аз cvery 
scribe must tell you: ‘The ears of a boy are 
in his seat, and he learns best when he is 
flogged.’ Yet where were they to strike a 
Princess? No, they could not. Still we suf- 
fered. The cars of a girl arc in her heart, 
and we wept when we made errors, and I 
could never learn to count. Each time 1 
drew the sign for seven, I could think of 
nothing but the little cord that held My 
robe together, and I wished to loosen it. 
After all, the writing is the same.” 

"Sefekh," said Amen-khep-shu-ef “I 
never thought of that.” 

“Sefekh,” She said. “It is the same. I al- 
ways mixed one with the other, and then 
the seams came apart in My head. АЙ un- 
tied!” Mother and Son then said “Sefkhu” 
both at once, and Their mirth could frolic 
over this fine word, for it meant taking off 
one's clothes. I tried to smile, yet They 
knew words I did not, and laughter lived 
between Them like a wind I did not share. 
Of course, it was not the first time I had 
come to think our language was too subtle, 
for I was well aware, having been tricked 
more than once, that the best Egyptians 
from the finest families know how the same 
sound can have many meanings and be 
written several ways. I thought, “I am as 
low as dung before Them, yet They use 
this same sound dung 10 mean bleached 
linen. Who is to know what They mean? 
They conceal much from those who were 
born beneath Them by turning a word 
into the opposite of itself.” 

But then, going back so far as my first 
days in the charioteers, I had noticed that 
what characterized a noble most, even 
more than their fine accent, was much pri- 
vate wit. As a simple charioteer, I had 


When the road up ahead stretches from here to forever, you. 
country. Trucker country. Radar country. And that’s Whi: 

Because more truckers choose Whistler’ radar detect 
name on the road. They're legal. And mile after mile Whistler ou! erforms. | 
Fox. Fuzzbuster. Even Escort. 


And now there's the new Whistler Spectrum. AUTOWEEK says it's the most 


any other 


sensitive radar detector they've ever seen. And we're challenging CAR AND 


dl anyone else to make the same test. 
Whistler. Because you never 
Whistler" Spectrum Radar Detector 
Portable or Remote 


To order acolor poster of the Whistler “Road,” send S5to "Whistler Road" Controlonics Corp., 


PLAYBOY 


190 


often not known at all what they were 
saying. How could I when each one of our 
words in Egyptian has so many meanings? 
They might use the sound for breasts, 
which is the word menti but they would be 
speaking of cyes. Yet another word for eyes 
is utchat, eye-of-a-god, also although the 
word, with but a little difference in tone, is 
“outcast.” One had to be clever to serve 
these nobles when they could play with 
many a meaning for each sound. All the 
same, no one had ever done this so well аз 
Nefertiri. By a lilt in Her throat when She 
said hem-t, She could change a “hyena” 
into "precious stones.” That, too, was 
magic—Her wonderful use of the inflec- 
tions of words until light sparkled on every 
sound. 

Still, such games did not go on too long 
this evening. In His royal manner, Amen- 
khep-shu-ef was more a soldier than a 
noble, and not able to play at this so well 
as His Mother; indeed, left to Himself, He 
had a solemn mind so that despite His 
effort to talk of matters where I did not be- 
long, He was obliged at last to come back 
to a subject where I could offer a few rc- 
marks myself, and yet I cannot say I was 
happier that She turned the conversation 
to war since His exploits had always been 
more celebrated than minc. “Foolhardy” 
was the way He used to be described by 
the Generals closest to me, but even then, 
being handed the worst end of cach story 
about Him, I knew how brave He was. 


Now, I was obliged to admit, despite all 
my desire to think less of Him, that no 
commander had ever had so great a repu- 
tation for conducting successful sieges. We 
took care when I was General-of-All-the- 
Агтісѕ to have the Division of Amen- 
khep-shu-ef away on the frontiers of Syria, 
but I never ceased to hear of the towns He 
took by siege, and some were strong cities 
never before fallen. He built forts to roll 
forward on wooden wheels, and one was 
even three stories high to equal the wall 
He would face. No labors were too endless 
for Him. He dug moats around towns so 
that none of the women and children could 
slip out—the wails of the starving gave 
strength to His troops, He would say— 
and yet the little queens spoke less of such 
cruel and stubborn skills than of His dar- 
ing. Soif I heard once in the army, I would 
hear again in the Gardens of how He not 
only climbed the face of high cliffs to 
accustom Himself to problems He would 
encounter on the battlements of cities, but 
had taught one squadron of His char- 
iotecrs to climb nearly as well as Himself. 
On His last siege in Libya, to which His 
Father had dispatched Him in the hope 
He would stay away, Amen-khep-shu-cf 
and His men had been able to scale the 
walls without ladders on the first night of a 
siege before a single trench had been dug! 
His armies had only reached the place that 
afternoon. All talked of it. A siege that did 
not last a night! Amen-khep-shu-ef wished 


to let everyone in Egypt know how His 
feats would be greater than His Father's. 

Of course, there had been constant gos- 
sip in the Gardens over His prospects. 
Would Amen-khep-shu-ef ascend the 
throne? Or might the Pharaoh choose a 
Prince from some other woman's flesh? 
Rama-Nefru had given birth already to 
twins, and if one bad died in His first 
week, the other thrived. Rare was the day, 
however, and rare the gossip, that did not 
carry a hint of some threat against little 
Peht-a-Ra who, having been given this 
mighty name of Lion-of-Ra, was also 
called by His Father, Hera-Ra. Of course, 
to spend a season in the Gardens of the 
Secluded was to learn, if you listened to 
the little queens, that no Prince ever fol- 
lowed His Father to the throne before ten 
of His half-brothers by other women had 
been brought to a sudden death. I heard so 
many stories of the death of Princes in 
beer-houses, on the field of battle, in bed 
with treacherous women, or suffocated in 
their cradle, that I believed none, not until 
I saw the size of the guard around the 
Palace of Rama-Nefru, and found myself 
thinking of the obstacles awaiting Pcht-a- 
Ra before He, half a Hittite, would be 
King of Egypt. 

I must still have been brooding on such. 
matters, for at the end of dinner, Amen- 
khep-shu-ef took me by surprise. He spoke 
directly to me at last. The point was clear, 
and He made it in contempt. “You are a 


SUDDENLY, ALL PORTABLE TYPEWRITERS 


The most 
important 
breakthrough 


ARE 0850 


Imagine, it’s electronic, weighs just 5 Ibs. and is less than 2 inches 
high. Operates on batteries or included AC adaptor. 


We miniaturized the size and weight. But not the capabilities. 

The model EP-20 is much smaller and lighter than anything you've ever seen. 
Has every feature found on portables plus many office typewriter functions 
including a 16 character visual display. automatic correction system and a dual 


88 character office keyboard. Even has a built-in calculat 


itor. 
ä à — 


Available at leading stores everywhere. 
BROTHER INTERNATIONAL CORP. 


8 Corporate Place, Piscataway, New Jersey 08854 


it wherever you 
£0...fits into an 


attache сазе. 


Introducing the new pain-relieving rub 
that actually smells good. 


DEEP PENETRATING 


TRONG, EFFECTIVE PAIN RELIEVING RUB 


New Sportscreme is the 
modern way іо get strong, fast 
relief from the pain of sore 
` ff muscles caused 

by over-exertion. 
` ` Because 
Sportscreme has 
б а penetrating 
^ pain-reliever that 
works so differently, it doesn't 
need heat to give you fast, 


effective relief 
And because 


4 


T Sportscreme 
works in a differ- 
ent way, it smells 


WZ i 
y 1 different. Which 
if | 


means instead of the embarrass- 
ing odor of old- 
fashioned rubs, 
pe 
greaseless 


formula smells light and clean. 
And that means you 0 
can use it anytime, 
anywhere. i S 

So when A 
you need fast 
relief from the aches 
and strains of over- 
doing it do it the modern way... 
with new Sportscreme. 

@ Thompson Medicol Compony: 1982. 


New Sportscreme" The modern way to get fast relief for sore muscles. 


friend to My Father's ear,” He said. 

“No man like myself can make that 
claim.” 

He smiled. He would remind me that 
He might yet be my King. And a meaner 
one. He said, "Speak well to My Father 
who rewards you.” 

Not only was He much pleased at the 
cleverness of these last remarks, but His 
Mother clapped Her hands, and kissed 
Him full on the mouth before He left. 

"What do you tell His Father?" She 
asked of me. 


zal," I said. “The Good 
" I sighed. “Tı is sad to 
be the wretch whose limb is crushed be- 
tween two great stones.” Happily, I man- 
aged to put a smile on my face, sly and 
wicked I knew, and She smiled back. 

“You are as helpless as oil?“ She said, 
“and have nothing to fear from two great 
stones.” 

This joke is a fine example of what I 
mean by Her use of our language. Helpless 
and oil had the same sound and so were 
typical of Her magic, light as the wings of 
а starling. Often, She would amaze me 
with the delicacy of Her offering. I, who 
was used to the urgent strength of Honey- 
Ball, now came to appreciate how delt was. 
the touch of those who touch the gods with 
ease. 1 knew, despite Her adoration of Her 
tall Son, that She was also glad to be alone 
with me, but then it was in the nature of a 
great Queen and Consort of the God to 


live as if, truly, like Usermare Himself, She 
had not One Ka but Fourteen, and there 
were many women in Her, each to find its 
pleasure їп а different man. 

May I say She knew me very well, for 
Her first act now that we were alone, was 
to go toa large chest, and fiom it remove a 
disc of ebony as wide as one’s brow, and 
with a handle of electrum. Carrying it 
carefully, so that I could only see the back 
of this ebony disc, She sat beside me and 
placed it by its base on the table. Then She 
said, or so I thought, “Have you ever 
looked into a fine revealing?” 

Once again, I was bewildered. I sup- 
posed She could not mean anything like 
conception, which was certainly one of the 
meanings of revealing, but, no, not by 
the light smile on Her face. So I took 
another meaning for the word, and won- 
dered ifShe meant, “Have you ever looked 
into а foulness?” but again, by Her ex- 
pression, I knew that could hardly be so. 
At last, and with what relief, I concluded 
that She had said, “Have you ever looked 
into a fine river?” for indeed I had, who 
has not scen the quiet Nile when the water 
is calm and clear, and your own face rip- 
ples on the surface of the small waves, so I 
nodded and said, "Yes, I know nearly all 
of the Nile,” much relieved, whereupon 
She reached up, pinched my cheek, 
brought a candlestick near to us, and 
turned the ebony disc around. I drew back 
in fright. By the glow of the flame, I saw 


the face of a man who had somethi 
my own face, but more intimate than the 
surface of all those rippling waters where I 
had half-seen it before. Now, I truly saw 
my own features on this perfect plate of 
polished silver, and I had the expression of 
one who serves the Pharaoh, and was star- 
tled by how much caution dwelt in a man 
who had once been a charioteer. How 
smooth and worried were my checks. A 
tomb of corruption must be my he 
That was the first thought at sceing my 
face, and it came from the side of myself 
that is noblest in spirit, and most demand- 
ing, but the sweetmeats of myself were 
delighted with this look at me. I thought 
myself handsome, and knowledgeable in 
the desires of women, indeed, I was so 
handsome that I stirred unmistakably and 
then I was full of fear because I realized 
that was not my own face I saw, but my 
Double, and it lived on the surface of this 
silver, this polished lake of silver. Nefertiri 
stroked my cheek with the most mocking 
touch of Her finger-tips, and said, “Ah, 
the dear man docs not know a mirror 

“Never a mirror like this,” I managed to 
say back to Her, but I could hardly speak. 
“Why this,” I wanted to say, “will change 
all that there is.” For I knew that if 
every soldier and peasant could see his 
Ka, why, then, all would want to act like 
gods. Oh, I had looked into common mir- 
rors, scratched and dull, their surface so 
impure that one’s cyes and nose twisted as 


191 


PLAYBOY 


192 


one moved it about, but this was a mirror 
like no other, it must be the finest in all of. 
Egypt, a truc revealing—ah, there was the 
word She had used—and my Ka was be- 
fore me, and we looked at each other. 
Then I understood once again how cruel 
it must be to wander in Khert-Neter, the 
Land of the Dead, with no tomb for a 
home, nothing but the banks, the mon- 
sters, and the flames of the serpents to de- 
vour one’s Ka. For I saw that my Ka was 
virtually me and there before me and so 
alive. He was the one who would be 
destroyed in the smoke and the stink. I 
wished to cry out against such monstros- 
ity. So vivid was all I saw of this face, that 
even the light of the candle seemed like the 
flames of Khert-Neter, and 1 knew that 1 
loved my Ka and it did not matter how 
much corruption was in those features 
when my life was also in them. Then I 
gasped. For by a turn of Her wrist on the 
handle of this revealing, so did I see Her 
Ka, not mine, and Her indigo eyes, blue as 
cvening in the flame of the torch, looked 
back at me from the polished disc, and I 
could dare to lay my eyes full into the cyes 
of Her Ka, this One, at least, of Her Four- 
teen, and She blinked as if She also saw the 


shadow of unseen wings. I think it was 
then She knew that I must kill Her if User- 
mare was dead. By way of the mirror we 
looked at one another until the tears came 
forth in both our eyes. 

Yet by the strength of our gaze into each. 
other, so did I enter Her thoughts for the 
first time, and before we were donc, I took 
Her hand—I dared and took Hcr hand— 
and was able by way of Her fingers (just so 
well as with Usermare) to enter Her heart. 
The thoughts were not small. She was 
thinking of the night Amon had come to 
Her bed, and She conceived Amen-khep- 
shu-ef. Then I knew why Her Son climbed 
the walls of high cliffs—Amon had cohab- 
ited with Mut, His Mother. So did Nefer- 
tiri dream of Herself in the embrace of 
Amen-khep-shu-ef. Yes, the jealousy 
of Usermare was well-founded. The rush 
of Her thoughts came over me like a 
thumping of horse’s hoofs, a true set of 
blows to pay for daring to touch Her 
fingers, but then She was calm again, and 
wicked, and leaned forward to whisper in 
my ear, “Is it true that Ma-Khrut cannot 
keep her hands off you?” 

Now I do not know ifit was my thoughts. 


"That's great. You find me a prince and he 
gives me herpes!” 


She could hear, or, whether, given the free 
passage of servants, so much like birds, 
from the kitchens of one palace to the gates 
of another, Nefertiri had heard it all as gos- 
sip. Still, what a clamoring in my heart if I 
was now part of the common gossip. 

Т did not answer. 1 thought that if 1 pre- 
tended the question was not understood, 
why the dignity of a Queen might keep 
Her from asking again. I did not yet 
understand, so exquisite were Her man- 
ners, that Nefertiri’s desires were as close 
to the roar of the lion as Usermare Him- 
self. "Come," She said, “15 it true? Honey- 
Ball has said it.” Now, I had to wonder if 
Ma-Khrut could be so intimate with the 
Queen. 

I might have smiled like a fool, or mere- 
ly looked wise, but some strength out of 
the heart that once spoke in me as a brave 
man drew my eyes back to the mirror, and 
I spoke from my Ka into Hers, and said, 
“If it were not for the loveliness that sur- 
rounds Your Majesty, I would think often 
of Ma-Khrut.” In such an instant I under- 
stood that the true desire for revenge is like 
a serpent. If its tail rested in the pits of my 
dream its head spoke in the eyes of my 
Queen. We both felt the breath of Ma- 
Khrut, as if she did not give us her bless- 
ing so much as the power to use her curse. 
Nefertiri and [ still looked at one another 
through the mirror, but now it might as 
well have been the high bank of a river 
past which floodwaters wash in the great 
force ofa bend. We saw each other with all 
the surprise one might know when looking 
at a stranger in the marketplace—yes, by 
Her size and by the poise of Her hips, so 
equal to mine, does that woman draw me 
forward. So I saw Her, and knew She saw 
me, She as a woman, not a Goddess, and I 
as a man, not a servant. It was wondrous 
to me how we met in all that is equal, and 
were so well-met. We smiled tenderly at 
one another. Alas. That Ka was only One 
of Her Fourteen. 

Still, we were as close as new-found 
friends, and She took my hand again and 
began to explain a matter I had never 
understood before. Yet it gave me much 
new knowledge of my Pharaoh. For She 
told me how on the day of the great battle 
when the Hittites broke through and User- 
mare prayed in His tent, He had asked 
Amon to give Him the strength to meet 
His foe, and the Hidden One had said, 
“Your wish will be granted if You do not 
ask Me for a long life.” 

“He has lived," said Nefertiri, “for 
twenty-nine years since that day, but He 
still waits for the hour when Amon will 
come to take Him. 

“That is why He is now with a woman 
of the Hittites,” said Nefertiri. "He hopes 
Amon will not dare to go to war with Hit- 
tite gods.” I saw the anger in Her eyes. 
“He tries to be close to Her gods. But He 
still wants Me.” Her voice was as deep as 
the night, and as grave as the weight of the 


Score with values from 
Monte Alban Mezcal 


MVPs score with these MVBs! 
(Most Valuable Bargains) 


Monte Alban Jersey, only $7.95! 
(above) 

Bea sure winner in an authentic 
Monte Alban baseball jersey with 3/4 
length sleeves and button-down 
neckline for extra style. It comes in 
white with yellow trim, is made of 
50% cotton, 50% polyester for extra 
comfort and durability. Perfect 
for baseball. Or any game you want 
to play. 


Monte Alban Worm Hat, only $6.95! 
(above) 

For high-scoring Monte Alban fans 
everywhere, this one-size-fits-all 
baseball cap has adjustable head 
size, comes in black with yellow. Best 
of all. the mighty Monte Alban Worm 
is perched on top to show the world 
you're a winner. 


Monte Alban Bat & Ball, only $3.95! 
(above) 

Baseball's the National Pastime, so 
play it our way with this ultra-light- 
weight but ultra-durable bat and 
ball set of tough polystyrene. Bat is 
black. handle wrapped with heavy- 
duty white tape for better gripping 
and sports the famous Monte Alban 
Worm. Ball is Monte Alban yellow for 
good visibility. 


T score with these values! 71 


1 Chicago. IL 6069 


3 


Monte Alban 
Cooler, 
only 515.95! 


Heat up your get-togethers with this 
cool dcal! A real value for the money, 
this big, sturdy polystyrene cooler in 
fire engine red with white top mea- 
sures 19-1/4" x 12-3/4" x 14". And that's 
big enough to keep a whole partys 
worth of Monte Alban Mezcal on ice! 


D Please send. 
О Please send 


Jerseysat 87.95 each. 


codersat *15.95 each. | 


Jersey Size:( )Small ) Medium 
(dene J Extra Large 

D Please send. hats at 86.95 each. 

(One size fits all) 
О Please send bat and ball sets at 

$3.95 each. | 
Name 

(please print) 

Address m | 
city = 
State Zip 


Allow 6 weeks lor delivery. Send check or money. 
‘order only. No cash or stamps. 
To: Monte Alban Mezcal Seseball Offer, 

РО. Box 2418. Dept. PB. 


© 1983. Monte Alban Mezcal. 
ВО Proof, Imported exclusively 
by Stuart Rhodes Ltd., New 
York, NY. 


PLAYBOY 


194 


stone that She would lay upon His tomb. 
“І despise Sesusi," She said, “for His 
fear.” 

• 

Sometimes, sleeping alone in the House 
of the Companion of the Right Hand, I 
would awake in the middle of the night 
and feel Honey-Ball near to me. There was 
пог а bat who passed through my window, 
nor a bird scattering the hush of the night 
with а clap of its wings who could not have 
been a visitor from her garden, and I felt 
the ceremonies of Ma-Khrut rising like the 
inundation. Just as villages would soon be- 
come islands, so would my fortunes ride on 
a floodwater, and I must seize what would 
be offered. 

I say this because the next offering was 
foul, and I was sick of such practices. Yet 
nothing that came my way offered тоге 
service to Nefertiri. Once, Honey-Ball, 
mixing the dung of her cat with the ashes 
of a plant, said, as if to herself, “It is the 
leavings of Scsusi that I need,” and I never 
forgot her words. I brooded much on the 
nature of such stuff when I lived in 
the Gardens of the Secluded and came to 
the sad conclusion that excrement was as 
much a part of magic as blood or fire, an 
elixir of dying gods and rotting spirits 
desperate to regain the life they were 
about to lose. Yet when I thought ofall the 
transformation that dung contains (since it 
is not only good crops which sprout from 
it, but one has to take account of the flies 
who swarm over it) I began to think of all 
those gods, small and mean as pestilence 
itself, who dwell next to such great 
changes. “How dangerous is this excre- 
ment,” I said to myself, and knew one 
terrible thought, even if I could not ex- 
plain it. To hold the leavings of another 
must be equal to owning great gold. 

Was it for such a reason that all who vis- 
ited the Court would wear as much gold 
as they possessed? I still remember how 
wealthy visitors used to congregate under 
the patio in the Great Square by the Lake 
of Maat, and the gold would glisten оп 
their bodies. 

To enter the Wide Palace was not per- 
mitted without a papyrus from the Gates, 
and the Little Palace was forbidden to all 
but the intimate servants of Usermare. So, 
оп this patio between, by the Lake of 
Maat, the wealthy of Egypt would wait for 
Usermare to pass in His route from one 
palace to another. He was always carried, 
and eight visitors would bear Him—eight 
chosen from the hundred and more who 
waited for Him to emerge from the doors 
of either palace. At word that the Good 
and Great God was coming forth, these 
courtiers and visitors would then become a 
mob, jostling with one another like the first 
froth of the rising waters of the river, for 
the right to carry Usermare on the Golden 
Belly (which was what we called His 
palanquin), for this was the only time 
when such visitors could serve Him. The 
other moves He might make from Court to 


Temple or to the streets of Thebes were 
carried out by ollicers of His Guard who 
served regularly on the bearing poles of 
His palanquin, indeed, there used to be a 
title for each of them—Third Bearer of the 
Right Limb of the Golden Belly was one. 
Such soldiers were, however, not used on 
the many trips He took between the Wide 
Palace and the Little Palace. For that, any 
merchant esteemed enough to enter 
through the Double Gate by ti i 
could, if fortunate, obtain the pri 
carrying Him a few hundred steps around 
the Lake of Truth (that is, the Lake of 
Maat) into the doors of the other palace. It 
was not a long trip, but one heard of men 
who waited through a hot afternoon by the 
doors of either palace, there in all the most 
terrible hours of the heat, close even to 
stinking in the oven of the sun if they did 
not carry their perfumes—woe to the body 
who stank in the nostrils of User marc! 
but in that terrible press, some would pre- 
vail, some would seize the honor (and talk 
about it for the rest of their lives). No mat- 
ter how exhausted from the hours of wait- 
ing, they were delighted to cheer in unison 
carrying Him and His Golden Belly. They 
would even cheer as they ran, and never 
scem to fear that any would drop dead 
from the pace at which they went, while 
another crowd of prominent men from far- 
off nomes would wait at the next doors in 
the hope He would soon come out again. 
"That was when 1 knew how high was 
my own station. I looked with contempt 
upon men who would make such fools of 
themselves. For as Companion of the 
Right Hand, I even had entrance to the 
Little Palace at any hour by any door. 
How could it be otherwise if my King lived 
in fear of His Son and His Wife? He had 
told me to tell Him all I heard. Often He 
would summon me to ask questions. Rare- 
ly, however, would I please Him since He 
did not hear what He was waiting for—a 
tale of Nefertiri’s disloyalty. Instead, I 
would suggest that little could be learned 
until She came to trust me more. I made 
much, however, of small sighs from Her 
lips, and the cruel expression on the mouth 
of Amen-khep-shu-ef. By exaggerating 
such trifles, I succeeded on the one hand to 
convince my King that I was loyal—no 
casy matter —yet allowed Him to conclude 
there was no sure cvil to be found in His 
Wife or His Son. That also pleased Him 
But, then, a monarch with a Double 
Crown must have Two Lands to His mind: 
If Upper Egypt desired true tales of 
treachery, Lower Egypt was delighted 
with Her fidelity. All the same, after Nefer- 
tiri told me of secret fear of Amon, 1 
decided to let Him know what She had 
said, even if I hardly knew how I dared. 
He had received me in His bed in the great 
room where He slept, and in His arms, 
Her golden hair covering His chest, was 
Е. Nefru, yet I told it all, and with no 
pain that I was betraying Nefertiri. In- 
deed, 1 believe She knew I would tell it to 
Him, and wanted it so. Certainly, She 


grew greater in all our eyes as I repeated 
Her words, “I despise Sesusi for His 3 

Usermare shouted in a voice to bring 
the walls of His temples down on my ears, 
and Rama-Nefru looked at me for the first. 
time. Although I had been in His bed- 
chamber twice before when She was there, 
I had seen no more of the Hittite than the 
back of Her head. Neither time had She 
moved while I spoke, and when I had no 
more to say, I left, so, now, it was in pride, 
l think, at the boldness of my Queen's 
words that I repeated them. 

Certainly, Rama-Nefru now sat up in 
bed and showed the wickedness of Her lit- 
tle breasts (which were wide apart) and 
cried aloud, “She is evil, Her суе is evil,” 
words I could barely understand, so strong 
was Her emotion, and strange words to 
come from a young face as open as a 
flower; but I knew by the pain of Her voice 
that She was wiser than Her own anger. 
She knew Usermare would not think of 
Her for the rest of the morning. By the fury 
of His desire to lay hands upon this inso- 
lence (but could not—They were not 
speaking!) so would He be living with 
Nefertiri this day rather than with His 
young bride. 

It was then He ordered me to take the 
Golden Bowl by His bed and empty it in 
His garden, and the command was uttered 
with such contempt that Rama-Nefru 
smiled at me as if to draw half of the insult 
back upon Herself, a kindness I would not 
have expected from a Queen. I bowed to 
Her, and to my King, picked up the Bowl, 
and stepped backward from the room to be 
met immediately by a Priest who waited in 
the vestibule. He was the Overseer of the 
Golden Bowl, and offered this title before 1 
could even turn around. My duties were 
concluded, he told me. 

1 did not argue. The tips of my fingers 
still burned in shame from the manner in 
which I had been dismissed. Though no 
tears were in my eyes, 1 knew the terrible 
rage, so full of its own weakness, that chil- 
dren suffer, for I hated my Pharaoh, yet 
such hatred was worthless since I wished 
to be able to love Him. Indeed, I knew I 
did love Him, and it was hopeless. He 
would only love me less. How I wished to 
destroy Him. 

Thad such thoughts. Walking beside the 
Priest who carried the Golden Bowl, 1 
wondered that the earth did not tremble 
from all that was awesome in my head. 

“There is,” said the Priest, seeing I still 
accompanied him, “по lack of respect for 
your own high office, but it is His com- 
mand to perform these duties in solitude.” 

“That may be true for other days,” I 
said, “but this morning, I was told to stay 
with you. Ask the One.” 

He would not dare. Beneath his shaven 
head, was a weak and selfish face. He nod- 
ded as if few matters could sur] him. 
Still, I could see he was worried. Were his 
dutics to be reduced? 

We went through a garden. I may say 
that he walked with his arms thrust out as 


Pictured here are recent BMG patients, clockwise from top left: 
Frank Amaral, Doug Howarth, Laszlo Jilly, Stafford Ross, Кеп Standlee. 


Hair Transplantation offers a permanent solution to hair loss, 
using your own living and growing hair. Living hair on the back 
and sides of the head is relocated and meticulously distributed 
over bald and thinning areas, where it quickly takes “root.” After 
a short resting period, it GROWS and continues to grow for life. BOSley | Lee Bostey мо. 


Medical Founder and Director 


ч Certified Diplomate of 
The BMG Guarantee: For all Hair Transplantation Group anser Dod oi Der ават 


procedures performed at the Bosley Medical Group, we 4 
guarantee to replace any non-growing hair transplant graft Beverly Hills: 8447 Wilshire Blvd. 213/651-4444 
free of charge, providing only that the patient has adequate | Newport Beach: 3961 MacArthur Blvd. 714/752-2227 


MPR, Hair Transpiantation and related procedures are 
100% tax deductible as medical expense. 


donor hair. La Jolla: 8950 Villa La Jolla Dr. 619/450-3222 
Such replacement has seldom been necessary in our 
experience. = — — Or mail this request for information today. — — — 
Bosley Medical Group T 


All BMG physicians are members of the AMA. And we perform. 
more hair transplant procedures than any other single medical 
center in the world. 

Most men are good candidates for Hair Transplantation, 
though not everyone qualifies. Call for FREE brochure or 
FREE consultation. Ask for Don Broder. 


Call (213) 651-0011 COLLECT. 


Beverly Hills: 
8447 Wilshire Blvd. (at La Cienega) 213/651-4444 
Newport Beach: 
3961 MacArthur Blvd. (at Jamboree) 714/752-2227 
La Jolla: 
8950 Villa La Jolla Dr. 619/450-3222 

DO Send me more information on Hair Transplantation at 
the Bosley Medical Group. at no cost and no obligation 


IT COULD CHANGE YOUR LIFE. ae 


| 
| 
| 
| 
| 
| 
| 
X 


PLAYBOY 


ws 
4 


In times like these, 


you need == 
times like these. 


Maybe things arent 
getting any better, but you 
can. In Palm Springs. Pour 
out your frustrations under our 
calming sun, cool off in a sparkling 
pool, unwind and dine in tranquil 
restaurants, snap back with a 
game of tennis or a round of golf, 
lift your spirits on our spectacular 
Aerial Tramway. 

Take the edge off by taking off 
for Palm Springs soon. If theres 
one thing were famous for, its 
good times. 


Convention and Visitors Bureau 
Municipal Airport Terminal, Dept. 8205 
Palm Springs, CA 92262 

Lets see some good news for a change. Send 
me your free “Sunny” Kit 

Name 
E 
FFP 


Palm Springs 


PHONE FOR HOTEL RESERVATIONS: U.S. except California, 1-800-854-4325 toll-free. In California, 1-800-472-4387 toll-free. In Canada, 1-619-320-7657, 


if to carry an offering to the altar. Wher- 
ever we passed a soldier or a maid or a 
gardener, so did they bow low before this 
Golden Bowl, and I noticed that the Priest 
inclined his head as ifhe were the Pharaoh 
Himself, just so stately was the gesture. 

Before а green wooden door, we 
stopped, and the Priest drew forth a 
wooden key from his skirts, and looked at 
me once more. He was still in doubt. But Ї 
inquired with confidence, “What is the 
name of this door?” 

“Sha-ah,” said the Priest. 

„Ves, I said, “this is the door that the 
Опе told me to enter.” 

We came into a modest garden in which 
many herbs were growing, and this Priest 
knelt by one small furrow, set down the 
Bowl, removed the lid, and began to knead 
little pellets, which he tamped into place 
around the base of each plant until the 
Bowl was empty. [ also knelt beside him, 
and must have looked as if I would touch 
onc of the leaves, for he said, “These are 
herbs of wisdom, and may only be phicked 
by me, as His Overseer.” I nodded. This 
would agree, my manner said, with all I 
had been told, and I stood up. Of course, 
he had been looking so suspiciously at the 
hand close to the leaves that he had not 
watched the one near the roots. In my 
fingers I now held a pellet, and it was as 
warm as the blood of Usermare, but then 
it came from the seat of the Two Lands. I 
bowed, and the Priest knelt by a small 
altar and prayed. Then he washed his 
hands in holy water, and withdrew from 
this small garden, myself a pace in front of 
him, only to quit the fellow on the walks 
outside and proceed at my own quick gait 
around the Lake of Maat through other 
gardens and by many a shrine and temple 
until I was welcomed into the Throne 
Room of Nefertiri, and from there, so soon 
as Her morning audience with officials was 
complete, went into the bedchamber 
where we had sat last night by Her mirror. 
All the while my hand throbbed as if I held 
the heart of Usermare in His leavings. 

When I showed it to my Queen, She was 
grave and quick. She did not wait for dark- 
ness, пог proceed through any invocation, 
but took the pellet in Her palm, closed Her 
eyes, spoke some words to Herself, and 
handed it back. “Go,” She said, “to the 
Lake of Maat and drop His gift in there.” 

I did as She said. Later that afternoon 
while the cight bearers of the Golden Belly 
were carrying the One from the Wide 
Palace to His Little Palace, so, by the right 
bearing-pole, even as they passed the 
Lake, not one man, but two, collapsed at 
the same instant, and the Golden Belly 
tipped over. Usermare fell out of His seat 
from a height higher than the saddle of a 
horse, and His head struck the marble. He 
did not move, and some thought He was 
dead. All knew He was near to dead. 
Nothing stirred but the wind in His throat. 

Once brought to His bed in the Cham- 
ber of the Blessed Fields, He was attended 
by four Royal Doctors. Fomentations of 


powders taken from the Garden of Sha-ah 
were put to boil, and their steam filled the 
air. The half-chewed meat of Nubian lions 
was pulled fresh from their jaws to be 
mixed with fourteen yegetables for His Ka, 
all Fourteen, and His head was anointed 
where He struck the ground. Rama-Nefru 
entered, and began to wail, айег which, 
Nefertiri, so soon as the other was gone, 
paid a visit with Amen-khep-shu-ef and 
They sat in silence by His bed, myself be- 
hind Them in the second rank next to the 
doctors. Usermare never stirred. 

It was then, looking at His silent body, 
that I realized the Good and Great God 
might die, and 1 prayed as well. For if He 
did not live, I would have to kill Nefertiri, 
ог meet His wrath in years to come when 1 
went to the Land of the Dead. 

Now, when I looked at Her, I would see 
myself with a dagger. Outside Her Palace, 
across the patios and gardens, the King 
lay unmoving in the Little Palace, and the 
vigil of the doctors did not cease..No man 
moved across all of the paving of marble 
around the Lake of Maat, and beyond our 
walls, the city of Thebes was near to silent. 
So in the silence that lay upon Nelerüri, 
did I sit and stare at Her and wonder if I 
could obey the command of my King. 

I thought of no orders but my own, and 
yet, throughout the Horizon-of-Ra, I knew 
that nobles and Viziers and grand over- 
seers of wealth and power were plotting 
with priests as to who should become the 
“well-beloved friend” of the next King. 
Amen-khep-shu-ef was with His Mother 
often, but rarely without His guard, and 
they, as I expected, were in the state of all 
good soldiers when a battle is near, and 
death, wounds, or treasure are close. They 
had the happiness of the best warriors and 
suffered that they had to walk about with 
unhappy faces. 


In these days, I never saw Amen-khep- 
shu-ef when He did not show the wild eye 
of a falcon. He glared at me often, until at 
last I chose not to look away but let our 
glances meet. We stared at one another 
until all decorum was lost. My eyes could 
not have been more oppressed if His 
fingers had been squeezing them. But 1 
was weary of humiliation. Besides, I had 
fought beside His Father the greatest 
battle ever fought, and this Amen-khep- 
shu-ef had been in the wrong place that 
day. Yes, 1 stared back with all the power 
of the gods who passed through me at 
Kadesh, and so, when our eyes locked, 
mine may have been as fierce as His. I 
think we would have gone blind staring at 
one another forever if Nefertiri had not 
come between us, and said quietly, “If He 
dies, I will need both of you.” 

Amen-khep-shu-ef left the room. He 
could not bear to be cheated of a victory. 
Since He never believed He could lose, the 
interruption from His Mother had stolen a 
prize. So He saw it. But I do not know. If I 
had blinked my eyes first, T think I would 
have drawn my short sword, and if I killed 
Him, She would have been the next, then 
everybody who came at me until I was 
done. At that moment, I knew again all 
the happiness of the brave, and felt equal 
to Nefertiri. It was Her life She had pro- 
tected by placing Her hands between us 
when my eye proved equal to the eye of 
Amen-khep-shu-ef. And I laughed that in 
His rage He had been such a fool as to 
leaye me alone with Her. 

She smiled softly, but said, “Why did 
Sesusi choose you to be My servant?” 

"Do You ask because | am Your 
friend?” 

She did not reply at first, but came 
nearer to me. “I know the doubts of 
Amen-khep-shu-ef,” She said. 

I bowed. I touched the ground seven 


PLAYBOY 


times with my forehead. I did not know 
what I would reply until my words came 
forth. “I was told to be with You when 
Usermare dies,” I said. “That is His order 
to me.” 

She nodded. She knew what I did not 
say. The nearness of Her death came 
about Her like a garment held by a 
servant 

“Why do you tell Me?" She asked. “Is it 
because you will not obey Him?" 

I was about to say, "I will never obey 
Him. Your heart is of more worth to me 
than His heart,” but I did not. The wis- 
dom of more cunning gods touched my 
tongue and I said, “I do not think that I 
will, yet I cannot swear.” 

She looked at me in another manner 
then, as if Her death were now more real 
than before. She felt admiration for 
me that I would dare to kill Her. Such 
courage must belong to the gods. But, 
then, how could а Queen be drawn to any 
man like myself unless the god spoke 
through him? 

“Yes,” She said, “it must be true. Ma- 
Khrut cannot keep her hands off you,” and 
She gave a delightful smile which said 
clearly that I need only be brave enough, 
and all could happen. 

ОГ course, She was a Queen. A 
monarch’s heart is like the labyrinth of the 
entrails. Snakes coil at every turn. So did I 
also know that next to the little love She 
might feel for me, was the fire of Her mar- 
riage. How could She not believe that 
Usermare still wanted Her if He had 
ordered Her sent to join Him so soon as 
He died? 

. 

Usermare did not die. By the fourth day, 
He opened His eyes; by the fifth, He spoke; 
on the sixth, He raised his head; and on 
the next, He was standing. Soon He was 
back in His chariot, and paid a visit to the 
Secluded. I learned that on his return, 
Usermare spent the night with Ma-Khrut, 
and the sounds of their pleasure were loud- 
er than the lion and the hippopotamus. 
Next day, she acted like a Consort, and 
moved in much radiance. I knew the cold 
woe of a merchant who is left naked in the 
moonlight after his caravan is robbed. 

Yet I was not all so surprised. Through 
these days of His recovery, the Palace had 
been in disarray. Who could measure the 
disorder among the gods when so many 
had been invoked by priests and nobles 
praying for a particular successor? Now, in 
the days of His convalescence, much went 
wrong. Ceremonies in the Temple were 
conducted in the wrong order, and errors 
of addition began to be found in many a 
papyrus laid before Him. There was 
abominable crowding in the halls outside 
the Great Chamber. 

I ignored most of that. I stayed at the 
side of Nefertiri even more than before, 
and She wanted me near. Since we did not 
know what I would have done if Usermare 
had died, now we certainly did not know 


what we would do that He was alive. A 
day did not pass but She would bring forth 
the mirror, and we would look at one 
another, and study the Ka of the other's 
face. A cloud could not touch the edge of 
the sun, nor a breeze enter the pillars of 
the patio, before Her Ka would leave and 
another of the Fourtcen enter the mirror. 
Sometimes, She would only speak to me in 
this manner, our eyes connected by the 
mirror. One morning, when it was known 
through every mansion of the Palace that 
He had gone to visit Rama-Nefru, Nefer- 
tiri said, “Не will not come to Me until I 
apologize for the soup spilled on His chest, 
but I never will. He had My servant 
flogged until the poor man died." Shenod- 
ded. “The daughter of this dead butler,” 
said Nefertiri, “is blind, and used to have 
the finest voice in my Chorus of the Blind. 
Since her father was killed, she has not 
been able to imitate the sound of one 
bird.” Nefertiri looked at me. “It is the 
fault of the woman with the dyed hair.” 

That was how She spoke of Rama- 
Nefru. So great was Her detestation of 
Rama-Nefru that She used the word for 
bleach, sesher, that is also our word for 
dung. She wove seshier in and out of what 
She said until the beautiful hair of Rama- 
Nefru came to sound like intestines lefi 
white, emptied out, bleached out—1 di 
not like the cruelty of this Ka in Nefertiri's 
face, for, once begun, it never wished to 
leave the mirror. “The Hittite hates User- 
mare,” said my Queen. “Не suffers mis- 
eries He cannot know—He is too strong to 
know His own misery. Why He would not 
have fallen so heavily from the Golden 
Belly if His senses were not stupefied. That 
is what comes from making stupid love to 
the Hittite with the bleached hair.“ 

Finally, She said to me, “I wish Her hair 
would fall out. There is no gift I would not 
offer then.” 

How much power those few words gave 
to me! If T knew adoration for Nefertiri, I 
also revered Her, I fear, like a Goddess. 
I did not believe, try as I would, that I 
would remain firm should She ever choose 
me. When, however, she repeated, “There 
is no gift I would not offer,” Her eyes 
spoke so clearly to the seeds and snakes of 
my groin that for the first time I wanted 
Her with the spirit of the swamp, there 
between Her thighs in the Ka-of-Isis. 

Nefertiri now said, “You must pay a 
visit to Honey-Ball,” 

I did not tell Her how difficult that 
would be. | bowed instead and left Her 
chamber, and then bowed again, for 
Amen-khep-shu-ef was approaching. Now, 
we did not look into each other's eyes. We 
would never look into them again unless 
our swords pointed at one another. But He 
was here to say goodbye to His Mother, so 
I learned, for we actually spoke (each of us 
looking at the other's mouth as if that were 
a fort to take by siege) that He would go 
with His barges down the river today, off. 
to fight one of His little wars in Libya. I 


wished Him well with the best of my man- 
ners, and thought it was a good omen He 
would be gone. 

б 

After His departure, I wandered by the 
Gates of Morning and Evening of the Gar- 
dens of the Secluded, and told one of the 
two cunuchs standing guard to send for 
the eunuch of Honey-Ball, and when he 
stood by a little burrow in the wall, we 
talked through this hole, and I told him no 
more than that Nefertiri had need of 
Honcy-Ball. 

That night, when I came back again, 
Honcy-Ball was not at the little opening in 
the wall, but her eunuch was there to tell 
me that she was ready to be of service to 
Queen Nefertiri, provided the Consort of 
the God would honor her dignity by a spe- 
cial invitation from the Queen Herself to 
the Festival of Festivals (and to Ma- 
Khrut's family as well). Tomorrow night, 
when I came with my answer, she would 
havea gift prepared. 

Nefertiri was displeased. The calm of 
Her bearing was gone. I saw another Ka of 
Her Fourteen. 

“l am ready to reward Honcy-Ball,” 
She said. “It is understood she will be re- 
warded, But I cannot bear her family. I 
маз entertained by them on My last visit 
to Sais, and they are common. Very 
wealthy and common. They have a papy- 
rus factory, and make contracts with every 
Temple of Amon in their nome. Most 
respectable in their airs. But the great- 
grandmother of Ma-Khrut was a prosti- 
tute. So it is said. So I believe. You can see 
it in the way they eat. That family wipes 
their fingers too carefully. They are quick 
to speak of their ancestry while the wine is 
passed. They go back twenty generations. 
‘They assure you of that. They have the au- 
dacity—oh, they are truly common—to 
present the names of their forebears as if 
One is speaking of people of substance. 
They went on in that manner to Me! І 
came near to telling them that as a matter 
of family, I could speak of Hat-shep-sut 
and Thutmose. But no, we did not talk of 
anyone but their forebears. Twenty gen- 
erations of harlots and thieves! These are 
people of the swamp. No,” She said, “I 
really do not want them seated in My cir- 
cle. Nor do I know, for that matter, 
whether I care to have Honey-Ball near 
Me. She has an excellent education, and 
knows as much about perfume as | do—I 
would not say that for any other woman— 
but I detest her for growing so fat. It is an 
absolute abuse of Maat. I like Honey-Ball, 
we knew each other as children, I adore 
her voice. If she were blind, I would treat 
her like а goddess for the joy of listening 
to her sing, but I also tell you this: I con- 
sider her a hippopotamus and a slut. She 
has noble blood, but of the lowest sort.” 
She sighed. “You believe that I should in- 
vite her?" 

“It is better to have Ma-Khrut for a 
friend than an enemy.” 

"It is even better to have Me for a 


“Lift?” 


197 


> 
| 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined ———— > 228 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. | > R^ 
M ч on A 


Where a man belongs. 


WA a 9 2 Camel Lights. 

A NS „4 ] VU a Low tar. Camel taste. 
4A би 15 

i 

вот DEC BI a à : * ; 


B mg. "tar", 0.7 mg. nicotine av. per Cigarette, ak ort DEC. 


} (EE 2a s A & > 
Ме з ЖЕЙ Мы 2 * * ox ro < 
> n. < 


~a 


^ - — 


T p 
* > җы = 
` ә c а hw Ча = 


friend.” She sat down at last. “Come here. 
Look into the mirror.” Her eyes were 
merry. “I like Ma-Khrut. When Sesusi 
and I were younger, Ma-Khrut was the 
only little queen of whom I was jealous. 
Tell me, Kazama, was I right to be 
jealous?” 

"I would not know, Good and Great 
Goddess. It is forbidden to go near a little 
queen.” 

“Everybody knows of you and Ma- 
Khrut. Even her sister knows. That is how 
I found out. Her sister writes to Me. You 
see, I am really very friendly with her 
family. It is just that they are common.” 

“Does the Good and Great God know?” 

“I would think He does.” 

“He is not angry?” 

“Why should He be? He has had you by 
the asshole, has He not?” 

But I decided Usermare could not really 
know of my affair in the Gardens. Nefertiri 
was merely punishing me for bringing this 
request from Honey-Ball. I was beginning 
to understand how profound was Her dis- 
pleasure that I could not bring Her the 
magic of Ma-Khrut without a payment in 
return. “Tell Honcy-Ball that I will keep а 
seat for her, two for her parents, and one 
for her sister. No more.” Her eyes turned 
away from the mirror and looked at me 
directly. I could have been a servant. 
“Sleep well,” She said. But I did not. I 
had to worry how much Usermare could 


know. 


. 
The gift from Honey-Ball which the 
eunuch pushed out to me through the hole 
was a packet wrapped in linen and smell- 
ing of incense. It spoke to me of nothing I 
knew, but when Nefertiri undid my little 
wrapping, within, was a picce of papyrus 
and a tress of blond hair. She held this last 
with a look of no pleasure on Her face. “It 
is as coarse as the tail of a bull,” She said, 
and began to read from the papyrus. 
“Well,” She said, “it is hair from the tail of 
a bull,” and looked a little further. “Black 
hair,” She read from the papyrus, “blessed 
by Ma-Khrut before being dyed. As black 
hair turns blond, so does blond hair fall 
away.” Now, She gave a cry of much dis- 
pleasure. “Look,” She said, pointing to a 
dark congested little stream on the papy- 
us, “this is not wax but 2 dead worm! She 
tells Me to mix this with My own pomade 
and to sleep with it. Sleep with this worm 
in My hair, and the tail of the bull under 
My bed. No,” She said as She continued to 
read, “under My headrest itself. I am ill.” 
She did not look well. I did my best to 
soothe Her. I explained that any sorcery 
powerful enough to pull out the roots of an 
enemy had to create a considerable dis- 
turbance. One could not send such illness 
to another without suffering a part of it 
oneself. I did not ask Her why, ifShe could 
use the leavings of Usermare so adroitly as 
to crash His head to the marble, She need 
suffer feelings of fastidiousness here. 1 
understood, however. A woman knows 
more fear at attacking another woman 


with her magic than a man. Nordid J even 
dare to speak of the eunuch’s last instruc- 
tion to me. Each night, for seven nights, of 
which this was the first, I must return to 
the hole in the wall for another wrapping. 
Each night Nefertiri would receive a new 
message. 

Indeed, on the second night, it was 
worse. She was told to take the blond 
fibers that had been kept beneath Her 
headrest for the first night and hold them 
in Her hand while She slept; on the third 
night She was to put them in a sack 
around Her belly; by the fourth, around 
Her neck. Be certain that by the seventh 
night, She slept with the tail between Her 
thighs. But She was no longer so outraged. 
The magic was having а most powerful 
effect. 

By then, there was no one in the Court 
who had not heard of the suffering of 
Rama-Nefru and the dreadful purge of 
Her stomach. I saw Her myself on the fifth 
morning. The King held Her in His arms, 
and Her body contracted like a snake and 
sprung forth, contracted and sprung forth, 
while the Royal Doctor held a golden 
saucer to Her mouth. I was asked to leave 
the room. The Golden Bowl was also in 
use. Later that day, Her hair began to 
fall out. 

Usermare called on Heqat. The little 
queen was summoned [rom the Gardens, а 
Syrian to treat a near-Syrian, and Heqat 
asked for the shell of a tortoise and boiled 
it to а jelly, then mixed in the fat of a hip- 
popotamus just killed. They used this 
pomade every day, but Rama-Nefru had 
already lost Her hair. 

Nefertiri never ceased speaking of He- 
s “To be ill is misfortune enough,” She 
“but to be nursed by a woman with a 
m like a frog is a catastrophe. Tell Me, 
did Sesusi ever make love to Heqat?" 
When І nodded, She shook Her head in 
admiration. ^He is a God," She said. 
“Only a God could enjoy Honey-Ball and 
Heqat" But Her expression could not 
have been more merry. “You must tell Me 
all about you and Honey-Ball.”” 

“I do not dare,” I said. 

“Oh, you will tell Me.” Her good spirits 
could hardly be measured. I wondered 
why Nefertiri was bothered so little by 
Usermare's continuing loyalty to Rama- 
Nefru. This dreadful illness did not seem 
to drive Him away. Indeed He had not 
made even one visit to the Gardens in all 
the days Rama-Nefru was sick. Yet the 
splendid mood of Nefertiri diminished so 
little that I began to wonder if it were a 
folly caused by the magic. Once, She even 
said, “Sesusi will always tell you of His 
loyalty”—She pealed with laughter— 
“but He is very easily bored. He will re- 
main true to Her until the day He cannot 
endure Rama-Nefru for one more instant. 
‘Then He will send Her, bald head and all, 
back to the Hittites with a wig, а blue wig, 
and they will declare a great war on us for 
the insult. Amen-khep-shu-ef will lead the 
troops in a great battle and Usermare will 


grow old with Me. I will yet know the 
power of Hatshep-sut" She held my 
hand as She spoke and [ could feel the 
fever in it. 

Others must have begun to reason in 
Her way, however. The visits of high 
officials to Her Court were now more fre- 
quent. Before, there had been days when 
you could see no one in Her Chambers but 
a number of old, petty, and garrulous 
friends. Now the Governor of the Treasury 
of Upper Egypt came one morning with 
his scribes, eight of them—to show the ex- 
tent of his courtesy—and Privy Councilors 
visited, princes, judges, even the Governor 
of the Palace, a Lord Chamberlain, but old 
men, unfortunately. 1 would have been 
more certain of a turn in Her fortunes if 
nobles closer to Rama-Nefru were among 
the visitors. 

All the while, Nefertiri would complain 
to me in the happiest tones. “I enjoyed My 
days more,” She said, “when you and I 
could spend the hours of the evening look- 
ing into the mirror,” and She would touch 
me lightly under the ear, or draw Her 
finger-tips along my arm. Never had I felt 
sensations that traveled so far in me from 
so delicate a touch, unless it was in my 
memory of the Secret Whore of the King of 
Kadesh. Her eyes spoke to me now with- 
out a mirror, Her fingers teased my neck, 
and when we were alone, Her gowns be- 
came more transparent. I had known there 
were marvels one could weave of linen, 
and many ladies on great occasions would 
wear the gauzes of Cos, so that you could 
see their bodies beneath their gowns as 
well as their husbands would see them 
later, but I was to learn that even in 
these thin veilings of woven-air were some 
of a lightness to make you swear that spi- 
ders had spun the thread. Nefertiri kept 
them in the subtlest colors so that you 
could not swear whether her gown was 
tinted like the gold of Her body, and when 
the beauty of Her breasts touched Her 
linen, the golden-pink of Her nipple 
deepened in the shadows to a rose-bronze. 

I would stir, I would grow! mightily in 
the silence, but only to myself. I was a lion 
without legs. Never was I more aware of 
the poverty of my beginnings than when I 
measured the emptiness of my strength be- 
fore Her Ka-of-Isis, and knew that even if 
Nefertiri were to minister to me with the 
crudest arts of Honey-Ball (which doubt- 
less She would not) I might still be numb 
and equal to the dead. When it comes to 
making love to a Queen, a peasant carries 
a boulder on his back. 

So I stared at Her in the mirror, putting 
all the hunger of my limp loins into the 
ferocity of my eyes. With my eyes I desired 
Her, and with such adoration, enriched 
the air with honey. She seemed to enjoy 
these evenings when the others were gone 
and we were alone. Her desire for me 
looked ready to rise with the river beyond 
the Palace walls, but my loins felt like 
a land where it rained and the mist was 
cold. I thought of Her low opinion of the 
family of Ma-Khrut with their twenty 


BREEZING " siiis 
P.O. 17676 

TAMPA, FLA. 33682 

813-961-8600 


PLAYBOY 


MC/VISA ORDERS 
CALL TOLL FREE 1-800-237-7000 


BREEZE THROUGH THOSE 
HOT TROPICAL DAYS IN YOUR 
TANTALIZING BIKINI FROM 
BREEZING. HAND MADE OF 
COOL PRESHRUNK COLORFAST 


COTTON. 
TOTAL SATISFACTION GUARANTEED 
if Returned within 10 Days 


Г) Red Г) White O Blue 
O Sand O Black Û Yellow 
(Peach O Lavender 
Ce е کے کے کے‎ е. 
[15-1 Small C 7-9 Medium [19-11 Large 


ADD '5* FOR MIXED SIZES 
WHITE, BLACK, BLUE ONLY PLEASE | 


1 401 Mens Hand Made Brief, 15" 
CI Red О Blue О Sand [ Black 

2nd Color Choice 
Small 

2931 


C Large 


O Med 
2-34 36-38 


ADD *2 HANDLING Ist ITEM 
51 EACH ADDITIONAL ITEM 
OCkOMO 

DMC O VISA Exp. Date — 


Acct. 


NAME. 


ADDRESS. 


sire 


200 PBS3 SEND +2% FOR COLOR BROCHURE 


zr. 


generations, and wondered why She de- 
sired me at all. I concluded that no insult 
could be more profound to Usermare than 
the touch of peasant flesh on Hers. 

So, She sat beside me, evening after 
evening, in a gown of woven-air, while I, 
transfixed by every view She gave of the 
grove bencath Her belly, began to feel like 
a priest ready to kneel before the altar. I 
must have begun to please Her profound- 
ly, however, for never was She more 
beautiful. Her face was like a lake when 
the surface is so still that you can see the 
silver in every minnow. So did I see lights 
in Her eyes, and they were like phos- 
phorescence on the midnight sea. I knelt 
and placed my face upon Her feet. They 
trembled at the touch. 

My Queen’s ankles had a scent of per- 
fume on a stone floor and felt as cold as my 
loins, but then, Her toes were equal to my 
loins, and I took those cold feet and thrust 
them beneath my short skirt, and laid 
my face on Her knees. Her toes turned to 
the hair of my groin, and nestled there 
like frightened mice. I felt how She was 
alone and like а fire in an empty cave. All 
the while those toes nibbled at my bush 
until they lost the chill of the flower that 
perishes on the stone, and were like mice, 
furtive, sly, and with a hint of the fecunda- 
tion of the fields. 

Ап unaccustomed wind came through 
the pillars of the patio, not steadily, but 
enough to touch my thoughts, and on one 
of these winds, as we looked into the mir- 
ror, I felt the pain that would stir in the 
hair of Rama-Nefru, still and dry like 
drying leaves, vulnerable to every breeze; 
and Neferüri may have known my 
thoughts for She began to speak of the 
bleached hair in the tail of the bull. “I 
came to know it very well,” She said, “їп 
the seven nights I wore it." And She told 
me how after the first night, She recog- 
nized that it was not hair from an ordinary 
bull that had been given Her, but from an 
Apis bull of festival, the kind that is tended 
by priests and washed in hot baths. Its 
body, She explained, is always perfumed 
with sweet unguents and odors of sandal- 
wood, and for such bulls, the priests even 
lay out rich linen each night for the crea- 
ture to lie upon. On the day it is to be 
slain, they lcad the bull to the altar, and 
wine that has been tasted by the priests, is 
then sprinkled on the ground like drops of 
rain. Then the head of this bull is cut off 
and the marble of the altar floor runs red. 

Nefertiri placed Her hand on my knee, 
and I felt the warmth of Her body. “When 
I was young,” She said, “an Apis bull was 
chosen for a Festival to honor Seti, the 
father of Usermare. They searched 
through all the nomes for an animal with 
proper markings before such a creature 
was found near the Delta, and the priests 
sent him up the river to Memphi. There, 
the bull, to great acclamation, was led 
through the city and fed cakes of wheat 
mixed with honey, and roasted goose, and 
a crowd of boys was brought forth to sing 


hymns to him. Then the bull was put to 
pasture in the Sacred Grove of the Temple 
of Ptah and cows were set aside for him. 
How beautiful he was. I know because I 
was visiting relatives in Memphi before 
My marriage to Sesusi. My aunt, a woman 
with an everlasting appetite for men, took 
Me with her to the Sacred Grove of Ptah. 
There I saw how none but women were 
allowed to look at this bull of Apis, for 
when he was пеаг, some would place 
themselves full in his view, and lift their 
skirts, and expose all that they had, and all 
that they were, to the eyes of the animal. I 
saw My aunt do this. She was a lady of ex- 
alted birth and almost a goddess. Still she 
put her thighs apart and grunted like a 
beast, and the bull pawed the ground. 

“T felt too young to expose Myself, but 
the pleasure of My aunt entered My navel, 
and after My marriage to Sesusi, Amon 
came to Me, and His eyes had the light 
that was in the eyes of Apis, and I spread 
My legs like this.” So did She now raise 
Her skirt of woven-air, open Her thighs, 
and take my face into Her Ka-of Isis. The 
smell was noble as the sea, and the spirits 
of many silver fish lived between Her lips. 
I kissed Her and lay with my mouth on all 
that was open to me, and She ап to 
quiver in many a part. I felt the hoofs of 
the bull of Apis ride into Her belly and 
through the grove of Her bush. The Ka-of- 
Isis was wet on my mouth, and I believe 
She was carried on the Boat of Ra. 

1, however, gained no more than I had 
learned by way of my mouth. When She 
was calm again, and had put back Her 
skirt, I was near to Her, and happy that a 
part of me would know Her forever, but 
the rest of me was no warmer than before. 

Yet, as if She knew the ways of my be- 
coming better than myself, Nefertiri knelt 
before me, raised my skirt, seized my swol- 
len but still sleeping snake, and proceeded 
to give Her beautiful face to my limb. As 
the royal mouth came down upon my hon- 
or, my desire, my terror, my shame, my 
glory, I began to feel the seven gates of my 
body with all their monsters and snares, 
and a great heat, like the burning of the 
sun, blazed in me. Then I was alone again, 
and the fires were subsiding. She was no 
longer on me with Her mouth. “You smell 
like a stallion,” She said. “I have never 
smelled an unperfumed body before.” 

I knelt and kissed Her foot, ready like a 
hound to slaver atrociously upon Her 
sandal. I wished to abase myself. The 
sensation of Her lips upon the head of my 
phallus remained, and that was like a halo. 
My cock felt as if it were made of gold. A 
glow rose іп me. I could die now. І need 
feel no shame. The woman of Usermare 
had given me Her mouth, and so my but- 
tocks were my own again, yes, I could 
have kissed Her feet and chewed upon 
Her tocs. 


Kazama, you smell dreadful,” 
in Her fondest voice and wiped 
Her mouth as if She would never have any 
more of me. But then, She knelt, and de- 


spite Herself, gave one queenly teasing lick 
of Her tongue, light as a feather, along the 
length of my shaft, down into the tense bag 
of my balls, and around, a fleeting lick. 

“You stink! You smell of the end of the 
road,” She said, which, in the Court of 
Usermare where people spoke so well, was 
the worst reference you could make to the 
anus, and I wondered if something out of 
the marrow of Ma-Khrut's fats, some 
slime of the hippopotamus, must be oozing 
forth from me; or so I would have said un- 
til I saw Nefertiri’s face, and another Ka 
was on it. Her delicate features had their 
own thirst. She was full of folly. 

“Oh, I adore how dreadful you are,” 
She said. “Did you visit the Royal Stables? 
Did you rub the foam of a stallion's mouth 
all over your little beauty?” She took 
another lick. 

I nodded. I had indeed gone to the 
Stables before coming here. I had rubbed 
myself, and with one of Usermare’s horses, 
no less, back from a ride with his groom 
and not yet rubbed down. I had managed 
to get my hand full of the slather of the 
beast, nor had 1 known why. 

“You are a peasant. Common as Lower 
Egypt.” She said, and teased what I had 
anointed by way of Her finger-tips, clever 
as starlings’ wings, but with Her tongue 
and lips as well, a flutter into the ferment 
of my seed 

I knew what a mighty revenge She was 
taking upon Usermare. She never left the 
crown of my shaft, indeed She called it 
that, “the crown,” and in a crooning voice, 
almost so pure as one of Her blind singers, 
said, “Oh, little crown of Upper Egypt,” 
and laid on the butterfly wings of Her light 
tongue. Oh, She said, “doesn’t the Up- 
per Crown like to be kissed by Lower 
Egypt,” whereupon Her tongue curled like 
the cobra that comes forward from the Red 
Crown, and She laughed. Oh, don't you 
spit at Me,” She said, “don’t you darc, 
don’t let that wickedness of yours begin to 
shine, don't let it leap, don't let it dance,” 
all with the sweetest little kisses and tickles 
of Her tongue, trailing the finger-tips of 
one hand like five little sins into my sack 
and over my shaft, and all the while She 
played with words in the way I had so 
often noticed among the most exalted, but 
all such games were nothing to what She 
said to me now. It was as if Her heart had 
tasted no pleasure in so long that She must 
croon over my coarse peasant cock (and 
She called it that) and called it by many 
other names, for after each tickle of Her 
tongue, I was "groancr," and ‘“moaner,” 
“knife,” and "stud," “inscriber,” and 
“anointer,” and then, as if that were not 
enough, She spoke of my "guide" and my 
“dirty Hittite,” my “smelly thickness,” 
and lo, they were all much like the sound 
you hear in mtha, although a little different 
each, and then using a word so common as 
mel which I heard every day, now came 
such sweet caressing sounds as “Do you 
like the way I tickle your vein, My gov- 
ernor,” and She gave me a nip with Her 


BABY YOUR BODY. 


With Classic Pearl 
Poly Plus. 
Special waxes and 
ilicones and 
sunscreens turn your Car's 
paint into shin- 
ing armo 
Its a shine so bril- 
liant, so tough, we 


nn een BM N САДЕ 


actually dare to guarantec it. 


Free collector po: 


ster. Send the black 


striped code number section from a Pearl 
Poly Plus box for this free full-color 22" х 


28" poster of a classic $100,000 body. 
Or send $2.00 to Wynns 


"assic 


„ Appearance Products, PO, Box 
4370F Fullerton, CA 92634, 
610 992-2000. 


PER 


de eee ES 


There are literally 
thousands of мотепј 


HOW} 
TO PICK UP GIRLS| 
IBook-and-Cassette| 
System will show 
|you exactly how to| 
meet them. You'll] 
1: * How to male 
|a date with a woman 
lonly minutes after 
meeting her e How 
to таа етеп а wo- 1 be surpri: 
тап likes you ' surprised at how! 
many you'r eS ® Over 100 low-key! 


conversation openers that get powerful results| 


* Why e man doesn't have to be good-| 
looking * Why some women prefer shy men| 
* How to make a woman feel I • The| 
World's Greatest Pick Up Technique * And| 
much, much more! 

So order the world-famous HOW TO PICK| 
UP GIRLS Book-and-Cassette System te 
You get the original bestseller HOW TO PICK| 
UP GIRLS plus a brilliant 90-minute cassette. 
You're guaranteed total success with women 
|— or your money back! 

Just send $25.90 plus $2.00 shipping to the 
address below. MC and Visa holders send 
charge card number and exp. date or call toll 
free anytime: 1-800-631-2560. Pac ship-| 
ped within 48 hours. Canadians 20%. 
Order book or cassette separately by sending, 
$12.95 plus $2.00 shipping. 


SYMPHONY PRESS, INC. 
IJ 07670 


Largest Assortment 
of Class C Fireworks 
in America 


The Great 
American 
Tradition 


* Fountains 
* Skyrockets 
* Firecrackers 
• Sparklers 
* Novelties 


Giant Color 
Catalog КІ 
Refundable on $9 


1st order 


Р.О. BOX 3P8 
Columbiana, Ohio 44408 


rree B00/321-9071 
Оно 800/362-1034 


2 
— 
ec 
S 
= 
ы 
cc 
= 


Sesser 
Please send i 
catalog(s at $2.00 ea 1 
1 
ا‎ 


(Refundable) 


201 


PLAYBOY 


202 


teeth, “or is it death?” Yet, if it were not for 
the cleverness of my cars after the Gardens 
of the Secluded, I might have thought She 
said, “Do you like the way I tickle your 
governor, My death, or is it the vein: 
some such nonsense, but we were laughing 
so much, and enjoying ourselves so freely 
that She began to flip my proud (and now 
shining) crown against Her lips, and She 
cooed at it and called it “Nefer” but with a 
different meaning each time so that it was 
sweet. “Oh My most beautiful young 
horse,” She said, “Му nefer, My phallus, 
My slow fire, My lucky name, My sma, 
My little cock, My little cemetery, My 
smal,” and She swallowed as much of ту 


cock as Her royal throat could take, and 
bit at the root until I screamed, or near to 
it, but then She kissed the tip. “Did I hurt 
My little hen, My provider, My hemsi, My 
dwelling place? Oh, is he coming-forth?” 
and indeed I would have been all over Her 
face and spewing on the woven-air across 
Her breast, and there to watch Her rub it 
into Her skin slowly and solemnly as if 
painting the insult to Usermare upon Her 
flesh. By now the desire aroused in me 
was like a fire that could melt a stone. As 
I stood before Her, trembling, а fire in my 
stick, and honey in my bowels, I had to 
seize myself at the brink before the cream 
of my loins was shining on Her queenly 


The truth 
about condoms 
and herpes. 


Its been estimated that up to 20 million people in the U.S. 
have genital herpes. The figure is growing in epidemic 


proportions. 


At the moment, Herpes Simplex II is incurable. However, 
there is a product which will significantly reduce your 
chances of contracting and transmitting this disease. 


A Trojan” brand condom. 


Many public health authorities and private physicians now 
feel that the condom, when properly used, effectively 
aids in preventing the transmission of herpes of the penis, 


cervix and vagina. 


Use Trojan condoms. No other condom has been proven 
more effective. You'll find them in the Trojan display at 


your local pharmacy. 


TROJANENZ 


LUBRICATED 


For feeling in love... 


YOUNGS DRUG PRODUCTS CORPORATION 


Youngs P.O. Вох 385, Piscataway, N.J. 08854 © Y.D.P.C. 1983 
® — While no contraceptive provides 100% Protection. Trojan brand condoms. when. 
Properly used, effectively aid in the prevention of pregnancy and venereal disease. 


face. But I had another desire now, large 
as Usermare Himself. It was to fuck Her, 
fuck Her good, good and evil. She was 
murmuring, “Benben, benbenben,” but 
with such little twists and stops of Her 
mouth, such a beat of Her breath that as 1 
heard it, benben said all too many words, 
“О, come forth with Me, you little god of 
evil, you fucker, give Me your obelisk” for 
that was also a benben—and then Her 
gown of woven-air was gone, and Her field 
was open before me, Her thighs like slim 
pillars, and Her altar wet with the pas- 
sions of my tongue. “Hath, hath, hath," 
She panted like a cat in heat. “Let us fuck, 
let us fly. Come into My flame, My fire, My 
hath, My cunt, come into My snare, enter 
My sepulchre, О, come deep into My 
cemetery, My sma, My little cemetery, unite. 
with Me, copulate with Me, come to your 
concubine, O, heaven and earth, hath, hath, 
hath?” 

We kept looking at onc another, She on 
Her back, 1 on my knees, and I drew into 
myself all I could remember of the most rev- 
erent moments I had known—anything 
to hold me from shooting every white 
arrow at once, my lust steaming on the hot 
stones of my will. I knew all the madness 
of the lion. “Would You like,” I said to 
Her, my lips as thick as if they had been 
beaten, nay, scourged, “would You like 
my obelisk in You?” 

“In My cunt, yes, in My weeping fish, 
oh, speak to My weeping fish, enter My 
mummy, come into My sfell, work your 
vars, work your spell, slaughter Me, shet, 
shel, shel, oh, come into My plot, come into 
My ground, come to My pool, yes, fuck 
your Кач, fuck your cunt.” 

Yet when I entered, Her breasts locking 
at me like the two eyes of the Two Lands, 
the reverence Ї had drawn into myself 
made me ache with a radiance equal to a 
rainbow in a storm. Having banked the 
fires of my balls, I entered Her with the 
solemnity of a priest who reads a service, 
and lay upon Her, but the lips of Her 
enclosure were so hot that my fires almost 
flamed over the river. She was lying on 
Her back and my obelisk was floating on 
Her river. She made the sounds of a 
woman in birth, ag and add, yet with all 
the clarity of a greeting to enter, “Aq, 
please enter, come to My sunrise, come 10 
My sunset, Oh, ада, raid Me, spy into My 
entrance, look on My uba, rest in My 
Court, read the prayer, rest in My gate, uba, 
ula; live in My cave, move in My den, ri, 
ri, ri, mover of stone, you are а mover of 
stone, haa, you travel by sea, be My 
embarkation, haa, My entrance. Oh,” She 
said, going suddenly still, “do not burst 
into flame, do not burn up, haa, paddle 
away, oh, slip into My snare, hem, hem, 
hem, crush My Majesty, Au, hu, hu, let it 
rain, —I heard it all. She sang of the 
beauties of my testicles (which She held 
with fingers that had learned the tongue- 
less art of the Nubian). She governed me 
with words of power, with heq and heha 


a #1 И 
* 


Break away from your ordinary routine at the Playboy Club. Have more 
fun, more often, for а lot less money than you ever dreamed. 

Your low Initial Key Fee entitles you to admission to Playboy Clubs 
around the world and a Keyholder-only 10% discount on posted room 
rates at the Playboy Hotel and Casino in Atlantic City. Plus a package 
of great values: Playboy Preferred Passbooks; save over $250 on 
dining, sports events and entertainment in 17 cities; Hertz" car rental; 
PLAYBOY or GAMES magazines and the Comp-U-Card™ discount 
telephone shopping service. 


ITS EASY TO ORDER. Complete and mail the attached postage-paid 
card. We'll rush your Key, bill you later. If the card is missing, send your name 
апа address to PLAYBOY CLUBS INTERNATIONAL, Р.О. Box 9125, Boulder, CO 
80301-9985. For credit card orders, just call toll-free 4-800-525-2850. 

Send for your Key today. Sample the fun for 30 days without risk or 
obligation. 


SATISFACTION GUARANTEED. If within 30 days of receipt of your Key, you'te not 
totally convinced the Playboy Club is where you belong, return it. 
We'll refund your money in full or credit your account. 


ка 


THE PLAYBOY CLUB 


LIQUORE 


Tuaca. Among its exquisi 
of orange. Very Italian a 
aroma and bouquet that pk 


npe jw 


ITAL 


k 


AN © 


and hem, and as She sang to me, I entered 
the Land of the Dead that was in all the 
life of Her, and felt like a noble, She kissed 
me on the side of my mouth with those lips 
that had brought royalty to the head of my 
cock, and our mouths were on one another 
and our tongues met like woven-air and I 
felt Her voice on my ear. “Netchem and 
netchemt and netchemut,” She crooned. 
“Oh, what a merry fuck you are, ri, та, 
rirara,’ and on Nefertiri's face was such 
tenderness that rirara rose in me and I 
could not enter enough into my nefer of m: 

most beautiful Queen, my nefer ler, 
beautiful like rain in the fourth hour after 
rising, She was a goddess, She was Her 
Majesty, and She was shameless. Tcham, 1 
fucked Her by Her youth, Tcham, Tcham, 
Teham, by Her Sceptre and Her Youth, and 
our hips moving together, She cried out, 
“Shep, shep, «ері, shepit,” and all such 
words like “shepu and shepa and shepat, 
oh, light, oh, radiance, oh, brightness, oh, 
blindness, oh, wealth and shame, vomit and 
shipwreck, she shef, тат into Me, 
swell into Me, give Me your weapon, give 
Me your power, shefesh, shefesh, I have 
your sword, I have your gift, give Me your 
evil, give Me your wealth. Khul, khut, khul, 
tehet, tehet, tehet. Tcham, tcham, tcham, 
qef, qef, qef, show Me to My Ka, dead 
white, dead black, Y am a fortress, ai, ai, 
what light, what splendor, go deeper, you 
obelisk, fuck Me into glory, take Me to 
flame, I am rich, oh, stop, I am fire and 
light, 1 am your filth, your offal, your dev- 
ils, your friends, your guide, oh, good. 


good, good, give Me your benben, evil fuck- 
er, aar, aar, aar, I am your lion, your bird, 
your lock of hair, your sin, І come, oh, I 


come, I come forth, I am the Pharaoh.” 


And even as I was rising into a celestial 
city by a field of golden reeds, there to 
know a change in me as great as death it- 
self, I heard the deep sounds of the bowels 
and high sounds from the wind in my 
throat, the cries of my heart roaring in the 
water rising in me, and I flung myself out 
to fly to the heavens, or crash on the rocks, 
and saw the legions of the Land of the 
Dead and a myriad of faces, all the 
damned and perfected souls that iNeferüri 
could command, and I rammed into the 
last gate of Her womb with the moan and 
groan of a peasant cock, the radiance of 
Amon blazing in me like the Hidden Sun 
of my mother's belly, and She rebounded 
beneath like a bea: limbs storming 
over mine with the strength of Usermare 
while I borne aloft, but not by Her so 
much as by the wrath of my Pharaoh who 
lifted me high like a feather over the flame, 
and slammed me down like a rock, then 
gave me another blow and another blow of 
Her queenly cavern, my tomb. I gave out 
within Her while the storm still blew, and 
She washed over me. She came out of ev- 
ery great space that Usermare had left in 
Her. She was much more powerful than 


myself. 
Ba 


CHARLTON HESTON „гл page 139) 


“I am seen as a forbidding authority figure. I only 
wish I were as indomitable as everyone thinks.” 


no, no." I said, “I don't mean in this color. 
Black would be fine." He said, “Oh, yes. 
In that case, we could make them.” You 
could see on his face the real revulsion he 
felt for those yellow-and-purple boots. 


7. 


юмлувоу: Do you wear Jockey shorts or 
boxer shorts? 

HESTON: Jockey. I hate boxer shorts. They 
look tacky. 


8. 


PLAYBOY: What do you know about Charl- 
ton Heston that everyone else, after all 
these years, still misses? 

HESTON: People don't perceive me as a shy 
man. But I am. I am thought of mostly in 
terms of the parts I play. I am seen as a 
forbidding authority figure. I only wish I 
were as indomitable as everyone thinks. 


9. 


PLAYBOY: In your book, you describe Bar- 
bara Walters as “ball-cutting.”” Do tough 
women intimidate you? 

Heston: I don’t think anybody intimidates 
me, | find tough women off-puttinj 
guess. And dispiriting. Emasculatior 
unconscious intent. I have more empathy 
for women’s condition than I’m generally 
thought to have. I know better than most 
people how tough it is for actresses. There 
are fewer parts for them, and their careers 
are shorter. It also takes them longer to get 
dressed and made up, and people get res- 
tive about that. АП those things are unfair. 
But being confrontational is no more help- 
ful for a woman than it is for a man. I 
know a lot of ladies who do very well 
without behaving that way. Women like 
Bella Abzug have done the women’s cause 
a lot of harm. The white-lipped belliger- 
ence with which some women, under- 
standably, have assaulted the inequities 
has harmed their search for equality more 


than it has helped. 
10. 


PLAYBOY: You've been married to the same 
woman for 40 years. What's the secret? 

HESTON: Well, you've got to be a superb 
husband. That’s my joke answer. Actually, 
1 think of myself as a remarkably tolerant 
fellow, My wife and children tell me that 
this is not necessarily true, that I am quite 
idiosyncratic and sometimes contrary. But 
I think my wife would also say that I'm 
easy to get along with. Part of the secret is 
recognizing that your partner has different 
priorities, different anxictics, different 
needs; that they may be in conflict with 


yours, let alone different from yours. Then, 
a definition of being in love with someone 
is willingness to subordinate your needs to 
hers—not invariably but if it’s an issue 
that really counts. I have sometimes mis- 
read those needs. But people also say that 
the first year of any relationship is the 
hardest, so perhaps one of the best things 
about my marriage is that I spent the first 
year overseas. We squeaked by with no 
problems 


п. 


PLAYBOY: What's better than sex? 

HESTON: Getting it right. Getting it right 
опе time. One thing about being an actor 
or a painter is that you never do get it 
right —but always, maybe you're going to. 
Sex is great. You get it right. It's predomi- 
nantly fantastic. You say, “It’s never been 
so good.” But painting the Sistine Chapel 


or trying to write a symphony or play 
Hamlet, you never fucking get it right. 


12, 


PLAYBOY: What sort of advice would you 
give to young actors? What do you know 
that they will find out? 

Heston: In the beginning, when you're 
studying acting, it's like a religion and 
you're an acolyte of the true faith. And 
anybody who doesn’t do it the way you do 
it is an agent of the antichrist. The more 
you do it, the more you find out that you 
don’t know everything you thought you 
did. You become a catholic, with a small c. 
What counts is *Does it work?" There's a. 
wonderful story about Laurence Olivier on 
the stage in Othello. His is considered very 
possibly the best performance by any actor 
in any part in living memory. I certainly 
have never seen anything like it. Maggie 
Smith, who was Desdemona, told me this: 
One night, at the final curtain, there was 
the silence and then the ovation, as al- 
ways. But the actors couldn’t believe how 
remarkable, how much better than ever it 
had been. So Maggie wanted to talk with 
Olivier—though usually, afterward, you 
just say goodnight. She knocked on his 


“T never thought the human body was obscene until my folks 
started going naked in front of me." 


PLAYBOY 


dressing-room door. He was sitting in the 
inner room, still in wardrobe, with a large 
whiskey in his hand and the make-up still 
on and the sweat running down his face, 
looking absolutely desolate, He didn’t 
even look up when she came in. Maggie 
said, “Larry, you know how good that 
was, don’t you?” He said, ‘Yes, but I 
don’t know how I did it.” In the context of 
that story, something he once said to me 
works: “Sometimes the gods breathe in 
your ear. That's fine and you're home free. 
But you have to find a way when they 
don't. And they won't do it all the time.” 


13. 


PLAYBOY: You say that Robert De Niro is 
one of your favorite actors. In terms of the 
consistency of Oscar-quality perform- 
ances, how does his work in Raging Bull 
stack up against yours in Ben-Hur? 
HESTON: There are parts I can play that De 
Niro couldn't. And vice versa. But acting. 
is not competition. I, along with most of 
my colleagues, deplore that idea. Every 
actor should set standards for himself that 
are higher than those anyone else will set. 
What was that bit, though slightly off the 
mark, about when Spencer Tracy and 
Katharine Hepburn first worked together? 
She had a debate with him about whether 
maybe she should have first billing. He 
was not receptive. She said, “Well, you 
know, ladies first." He said, "Honey, this 
is a movie, not a lifeboat.” And acting is 
nota foot race. 

Also, Ben-Hur is not my favorite per- 
formance. I have never given a perform- 
ance with which I was totally pleased. 1 
would be surprised if De Niro were as 
pleased with Raging Bull as I was. I have 
done some work that I like better than 
others: Khartoum, Will Penny, El Cid, 
parts of Soylent Green. 1 admire De Niro's 
willingness to extend his range, to try 
things beyond the apparent limits of his 
physical range. 


м. 


PLAYBOY: When you get philosophical, 
what do you say? 

Heston: Ifit happens to you, it's your fault. 
It's amazing how much energy the human 
animal spends on assigning the blame else- 
where. It’s nonsense. I like to think that 
my best quality is that 1 will accept the re- 
sponsibility for my life on every level. You 
can also simplify your life if, when you've 
made a mistake, you say, “I was wrong. I 
shouldn't have done that.” Many people 
find that hard to do. I think the recent his- 
tory of the world might have been different 
if on the day after the Watergate break-in, 
President Nixon had said, "Some of my 
employees and supporters, in misguided 
zeal, committed a felony break-i 
which I must accept full responsi 


15. 


PLAYBOY: Who really runs America? 
HESTON: It’s not the multinational corpora- 
tions. That’s bullshit. The news depart- 


ments of the major television networks 
have an unfair influence. The media have 
become almost a fourth arm of Govern- 
ment, something the fellas who wrote the 
Constitution didn’t figure on. Dan Rather 
is more important than anyone in Govern- 
ment except the President—and the 
Constitution provides for the President's 
enormous power to be properly checked 
and balanced by Congress and the Su- 
preme Court. Nobody got to vote for Rather. 
Now, I know what he says: “You do get to 
vote for me. You can turn me off.” Well, 
people can turn him off, but that’s the 
news. He has cnormous influence on events 
without the responsibility for life-and- 
death decisions. Of course, a free press is 
essential to a free society, but on a certain 
level, you could say it's an omament of a 
free society. No one has yet begun to ade- 
quately measure the power of the moving 
image. But Lenin understood it. Goebbels 
understood it. More than armies or 
ambassadors, the moving image can shape 
the way we perceive ourselves, other pco- 
ple, the world, what's happened and 
what’s going to happen. 


16. 


PLAYBOY: What were your thoughts while 
parting the Red Sea? 

HESTON: I was hoping that the dump tanks 
would work. Actually, I don't think the 
actor exists who really lives a role. You 
can't. You've got to keep close enough to 
reality to control what's happening. But 
there are situations in which you can sur- 
render for a moment. For example, to 
stand in the desert before 8000 people, 
5000 animals and 27 assistant directors 
and lift that stick and say, Bear us out of 
Egypt, O Lord, as an eagle bears its young 
upon its wings" —that’s remarkable. 


17. 


PLAYBOY: Women still go crazy over you. 
Men are respectful. You probably have the 
major franchise on presence. Do you ever 
feel it slipping away when you look in the 
mirror? Do you catch yourself saying 
goodbye to all that? 

HESTON: That's what comes from having 
your nose broken. Well, obviously, it hap- 
pens as you age. I think men are luckier in 
that regard than отеп. I suppose that up 
to a certain point, the face I have improves 
with age. My daughter saw El Cid years 
after I had done it. She said, “Oh, Daddy. 
You were beautiful then.” I laughed, of 
course. But my face is, perhaps, more use- 
ful now than it was 30 years ago. 


18. 


PLAYBOY: You have three guard dogs. Who 
named them? Who feeds them? What are 
your conversations with them like? Which 
of the three is most politically aware—as 
dogs go? 

HESTON: I named them. The dogs are all 
named after historical characters: Pompey 
and Ramses and Portia—after Brutus’ 
wife, not the car. They’re fed by the house- 
keeper, though their grandfather was fed 


by me and their mother and father were 
fed by my kids. Our conversations are 
complicated by the fact that their grand- 
father was a really great dog and their 
mother and father really good dogs. So I 
suppose I regard these three somewhat pe- 
joratively for not living up to their ſore- 
bears, which is unfair, We have a cordial 
relationship. Their political awareness is 
part of their problem. For so long, they 
were just the troupe following behind 
Now they are the only dogs and they don’t 
know how to handle it. 


19. 


PLAYBOY: Even though it has elected a for- 
mer actor President, isn’t the public’s fear 
of the politically involved actor just fear of 
being manipulated by someone who may, 
after all, not be sincere—just acting? 
HESTON: That's an interesting point. The 
only people who take the comment that 
they perform something well as a compli- 
ment are actors. To anyone else, perform- 
ance is phony, a deception and unfair, But 
any good political leader has to be a mar- 
velous actor. Churchill, De Gaulle, Mark 
Antony, for God's sake, were all superb 
actors. Churchill didn’t rally the Western 
world with the blood, sweat and tears, 
fight them on the beaches, fight them on 
the landing fields just on the spur of the 
moment. He wrote it, rehearsed it; he 
learned his speeches by heart. That was 
performance. Actors are regarded more 
skeptically because they are known to be 
actors. But giving actors a break and judg- 
ing them on the merits of what they say 
rather than on the basis of what they do 
that doesn't have a high priority with me- 
We're members of one of the world's oldest 
minority groups. People are generally 
skeptical of us. We're regarded as thieves, 
drunks and wife stealers. Sometimes with 
good reason. 


20. 


PLAYBOY: Who are Charlton Heston’s 
heroes? 

Heston: Гуе played a couple of them: Jack- 
son and Jefferson. I admire inordinately 
the extraordinary man. We live in the cen- 
tury of the common man, and I think we 
have become skeptical of the possibility of. 
the genuinely great man. But believe me, 
great men have existed. That there don't 
happen to be any around right now 
doesn't mean great men and women have 
not moved the world. In fact, I think the 
possibility, the potential of the extraordi- 
nary individual is onc of the distinguishing 
characteristics of the species. I suspect 
that reindeer and horses and turtles don’t 
have that wide a potential. It's admittedly 
a sardonic view of life. But whether or not 
that extraordinary individual who comes 
along every halfbillion people or so is 
enough to save the race, I don't know. 
What's the old joke that ended, "We'd be 
up to our ass in crocodiles”? W 
close to that right now. 


Gallery Edition Panama 5 ™ 


Take the worlds finest fans 


for as tough a test spin as you would 
an exotic automobile. 


From torque to tail-end contours, you ‘These imported lead crystal shades are 
expect a high performance automobile to flawlessly blown, then handcrafted in a 
deliver on its promise of excellence. wide array of inspired CasaBlanca 

You should expect the same designs. 
from a superior ceiling fan. 
And, of all the ceiling fans in 
the world, none stands up to 
scrutiny as well as a CasaBlanca* 


Versatility of speed 


Engineered for owner installation 


No other ceiling fan in the world 
mounts as easily and efficiently 
as a CasaBlanca. Its Hang rum 
Mounting System and light 
weight allow direct attachment to 
existing ceiling wiring boxes, saving 
you the added cost of an electrician. 


Whereas most fans limit speed 
adjustment to two or three speeds, 
CasaBlanca fans feature a variable speed 
control device. This device allows you to £ 
fine tune your fan’s speed according to The hallmark of authenticity _ 
individual comfort. 


А As a safeguard against inferior 
The moving beauty of fine hardwood blades CasaBlanca imitations, ask specifically for 
3 i genuine CasaBlanca fans. The 
hallmark pictured here will aid 
you in identifying an Authorized 
CasaBlanca Fan Company Dealer 
... the Dealer of the only fan in 
the world that will never cut 
corners on quality. 


Qy 
FAN COMPANY 


CasaBlanca® is a registered trademark 
of the CasaBlanca Fan Company 


CasaBlanca accepts nothing other than 
Grade A wood for its renowned blade 
veneers. The judicious selection of this pre- 
mium wood is made by Mr. Paul Mooney, 
a wood grader by profession for more than 
50 years. 


The finery of hand-cut crystal 


Choosing your crystal lamp shades is an 
added pleasure in selecting a CasaBlanca. 


© CasaBlanca Fan Company, 1983 


For a free catalog, write P.O. Box 90070, 64 East Colorado Blvd., Pasadena, CA 91109. 
Or call toll free (800) 423-1821; in California, (800) 352-8515; in Canada, (800) 361-1745. 


PLAYBOY POTPOURRI 


people, places, objects and events of interest or amusement 


TWO FOR THE SHOW 


Ifyou thought the underwear market had been 
stretched to its limit with all the nutsy new briefs 
available, think again. Fundies, “the underwear 
built for two,” is now available from Groton 
Limited, One Chicopee Row, Groton, 
Massachusetts 01450, for only $7.95, postpaid. 
And although Fundies are well made, the 
manufacturer claims no responsibility to replace 
them if they wear out or stretch, as you've 
obviously gotten your money's worth. 


HELL OF A GOLF COURSE 


То a serious duffer, there's nothing more hellish than artist Loyal Н. 
Chapman's famous series of Infamous Golf Holes, depicting 18 
mythical terrifying tee-ofs from Victoria Falls to the Grand Can- 
yon. Now Chapman has completed one last painting—The 19th. 

Hole and it's available in a 39"x 25" signed-and-numbered limited 
edition (6500) for 5390 sent to Chapman Studios, 2800 Hedberg 
Drive, Minnetonka, Minnesota 55343. All 18 holes are recaptured— 
plus the 19th. Those who survived are buying the first round. 


BASEBALLING 
WITH JACK 

Have we got adeal for 
you, baseball fans. Beulah 
Sports, a fans’ paradise at 
1863 Waukegan Road, 
Glenview, Illinois 60025, 
has just released its latest 
catalog (it’s $2), and 
among the current list of 
baseball cards are a few 
collector’s iterns that will 
have the true aficionado 
sprinting to his checkbook. 
Would you believe that 
Reggie Jackson's original 
1971 contract, signed by 
Jackson, Charley Finley 
and Joe Cronin, could be 
yours for $225? (Jackson’s 
salary then was $41,500!) 
The cap Willie Mays wore 
when he hit his 600th 
home run is $400. And a 
baseball signed by some of 
the greatest players, 
including Mantle, Aaron, 
DiMaggio, Musial and 
Rose, is $300. Buy! 


LITTER GLITTER 


The fat cats in Beverly Hills really have it 
meowed: caviar by the kilo; а new Mercedes when 
the ashtrays get filled; and for Kitty Litter, nothing 
but old money will do. That's right—shredded 
greenbacks called Beverly Hills Kitty Litter, which 
"The Tolman Сей Company, 4300 Campus Drive, 
#209, Newport Beach, California 92660, is selling 
for $10, postpaid, per 10” x 10" x 2" box, Ifyou 
don’t have a cat, throw Beverly Hills Kitty Litter 
instead of rice at your next WASP wedding. 


UP IN ARMATRONS 


‘Tomy Toys may have labeled its Armatron 
game for “Ages 8 & Up,” but we'll bet 
that the “Up” end of the age curve is 
where the buying action will be 

Armatron, quite simply, robotlike 

arm that you mancuver by leyers; the 
game pits you against an opponent—ora 
built-in timer and the winner is the one 
who can maneuver “liquid-fuel canisters” 
from one module to another without 
blowing up the world. The price is $45 at 
also a nifty 
1 martini. 


most toy stores. Armatron is 
way to drop an olive into a Ж 


RATS TO YOU 


A new animal has joined the menagerie of 
appliqué symbols that adorn pullover 
shirts and sweaters, and it definitely ain't 
the preppie type. Rat d'égout, Inc., Р.О. 
Box 40372, Cincinnati, Ohio 45240, is 
offering polo shirts and V-neck sweaters 
bearing the ultimate symbol of urban chic: 
r rat. Shirts are $20; sweaters, 

. Sizes are small through extra-large 
and there's a variety of colors. Sorry, 

the rats come in only one shade: gray. 


ELECTRICAL 
CONNECTION 


In the good old days of the 
‘Twenties and Thirties, your 
watt-hour electric meter was a 
brass-bronze-and-nickel thing 
of beauty that purred for just 
pennies instead of bucks. So 
return with Arcman 
Corporation, 807 Center Street, 
‘Throop, Pennsylvania 18512, 
to those thrilling days of 
yesteryear and owna walnut- 
mounted, original-but- 
reconditioned antique meter 
that’s been fitted with a small 
bulb and a glass dome. The 
price: $187.50, postpaid. When 
the light’s on, the meter turns 
So to see your purchase work, 
Con Edison has gotcha again! 


BLACKBIRD 

SANCTUARY 
Ihe Arion Press has 
published a 325-page limited 
edition (about 300) of 
Dashiell Hammett’s hard- 
boiled detective novel The 
Maltese Falcon, incorporating 
a leather spine, all rag-content 
paper, sculptured falcons on 
the cover and photographs 
and maps of actual locations 
in San Francisco mentioned 
in the story. Three hundred 
and twenty-five big ones sent 
to The Mysterious Bookshop, 
129 West 56th Street, New 
York, New York 10019, will 
reserve one, Then watch the 
price take off like a rare bird 
after the book’s sold out. 


JOLLY GOOD VIEWING 


Alll those classic oldies but 
goodies of the British cinema, 
such as The Lavender Hill Mob, 
Kind Hearts and Coronels, The 
Ladykillers and The Man in the 
White Suit, with Alec Guinness; 
Гт All Right, Jack and Heavens 
Abyve!, with Peter Sellers; 

and The Cruel Sea, with Jack 
Hawkins and Stanley Baker, are 
now available in video-cassetie 
form as Thorn EMI Home 
Video introduces its collector's 
series io Beta and VHS owners. 
The suggested retail price is 
$39.95 at your friendly. 
neighborhood vidco sto 
We're holding out for Elephant 
Boy, The Ghost Goes West and 
Sanders of the River. 


Starring \ 
ALEC GUINNESS : STANLEY HOLLOWAY 
~ SIDNEY JAMES - ALFIEBASS 


PLAYBOY 


210 


MEET THE MRS. 


(continued from page 98) 
unabashed love for their husbands. Says 
Mrs. Griffin of hers, who owns a 68-lane 
bowling center in Tulsa, “Bobby Dale 
Griffin has the best-looking legs I’ve ever 
seen оп а man. He was a semipro baseball 
player when I met him, and the first time I 
saw him out on the field in those tight 
baseball pants, I said to myself, ‘I've got to 
have those legs.’ Honest.” She giggles as 
she says this, and we reflect upon the fact 
that after 17 years of marriage, Bobby 
Dale is a lucky man. 

Mrs. Parver, who candidly admits, “I 
was a virgin" when she married husband 
Michael (the first marriage for both) seven. 
years ago, says, “Michael is simply the 
sweetest, most wonderfully supportive 
man I could imagine. Without him and 
the children, I don’t think I would be en- 
joy ing my career half as much. They come 
first, the career comes second. The nice 
thing is that I've got both.” 


Both Marilyns have a marvelous sense 
of humor, which can be best illustrated by 
two anecdotes: 

Marilyn Griffin: “Wayne Newton sent 
me roses when I was in Las Vegas, and 
when he brought his show to Tulsa, he in- 
vited me and my mother to the show. He’s 
really been a friend. Is my husband 
jealous? I don’t think so. It’s just a 
friendship, nothing else. But I do wish 
sometimes that I could arrange for Raquel 
Welch to have tea with my husband a few 
times to even it all out. He deserves it.” 

And Marilyn Parver: “When my hus- 
band had his vasectomy, I hired a chauf- 
feured limousine to take him to thc 
doctor’s and bring him home. When he 
returned, I greeted him with the 25th 
Anniversary issue of PLAYBOY and a lobster 
dinner in bed. I figure when a man has 
undergone that kind of operation and is 
temporarily out of commission, he ought 
to have the best of everything.’ 

It sounds as if he does, Marilyn. 


"When, oh, when is the Government going lo 
get off the people's backs?!" 


SEX SURVEY 


(continued from page 136) 

* The bi women take their time. They 
take, on the average, almost 14 minutes to 
reach orgasm. Lesbians also take a long 
time but not that long. Straight women 
don’t take nearly so long. A duration like 
14 minutes might reflect confused sexual- 
ity, or it might reflect great enjoyment of 


PERCENTAGE OF RESPONDENTS WHO ALWAYS OR 
USUALLY INCLUDE ANAL STIMULATION IN LOVEMAKING 


arousal and what we call heightening tech- 
niques. The reason for those techniques is 
to prolong arousal to the point of near- 
orgasmic excitement, then pause, then car- 
ry on again to an even higher peak of 
arousal. Most heterosexuals are goal- 
directed when it comes to sex. They go 
from foreplay to climax. A long duration to 
orgasm may cause anxious moments. For 
most bi women and lesbians, a long dura- 
tion is positive—the longer they spend 
having sex, the more they enjoy it. 

+ And, finally, they are the most likely 
to think that penis (or breast) size is 
important in sex. It looks as if they're in 
a position to know. 

Still, therc are scattered showers on the 
bisexuals’ parade. They run into opposi- 
tion from all directions. Gays are often 
suspicious of them. Straights can be dis- 
gusted by them. Developing a bisexual 
identity can be liberating, but it can also 
be traumati 


seems, come from hetero- 
sexual backgrounds. Their current sex is 
primarily straight. Forty percent of the bi 
women and more than a third of the bi 
men tell us that they’re married. Other 
icate that a great many of to- 
als have just begun homosex- 
ual activity. It’s easy to see why they have 
so many affairs. 

Grief from both straight and gay cul- 
tures and the problems of beginning 
homosexual activity appear to be causing 
bi men a lot of trouble, as you're about to 
see. The same factors probably affect bi 


women, but they're generally more active 
and better adjusted. 

Why? Partly because it can be hip to be 
a bisexual woman. 
women have most of their sex with 
straight men. It’s common knowledge that 
many straight men are turned on by the 
mere thought of female homosexuality. 
(Have you talked with your women about 
that, gentlemen?) Thus, many straight 
men think that bisexual women are the 
most attractive lovers of all. 

Not a few bi women are introduced to 
homosexual contact in threesomes insti- 
gated by their male partners. Most of 
those threesomes consist of one man and 
two women. In that way—with the 
approval and even the encouragement of a 
male partner—a woman’s initial homosex- 
ual experience can be an extension of a 
straight relationship. It doesn’t have to be 
а rejection of heterosexuality. That may be 
the easiest way to approach bisexuality. 

The same conditions don’t hold for bi 
men. They seldom get introduced to 
homosexual contact in amicable three- 
somes made up of two men and a woman. 
Few women are turned on by the thought 
ol male homosexuality. So a man's coming 
out toward bisexuality more oſien de- 
mands at least a partial rejection of his 
heterosexuality. 

Fewer than a quarter of the bi men—the 
fewest of all groups—say that they re sex- 
ually faithful to their partners. Most of the 
bi men who answered our question on i 
fidelity report having had extramarital 
affairs. Those high-infidelity numbers are 
not far from those for the bi women, but 
they may have different implications. 
Some sociologists think that bi men arc 
often forced into lives of lies. They think 
that bi men can become sneaky about 
finding gay sex, knowing that their femalc 
partners would be less than thrilled about 
their homosexual interests. Could 
that make them ambivalent, even furtive 
about their sexuality? Are they of two 
minds, so to speak? 

Could be. Slightly more than 20 percent 
of the bi men say that they have “open” 
sexual relationships with their prima. 
partners. Almost half again as many 
women are in open relationships. Bi men 
are the most likely of all our groups to say 
that they “try to be” faithful; it seems that 
many try and fail. We also asked, “Ifyou 
are male, have you had sex with a prosti- 
tute in the past five years?" Of all our re- 
spondents, bi men are the most likely to 
have visited a prostitute. Almost a third of 
them have. It’s clear now that we should 
have broken the question down for male 
and female prostitutes. We'll do that next 
time. But it seems likely that many of the 
bi men have been going to malc—nòt 
female— prostitutes. That would be the 
сасы way for them to keep their 
homosexual inclinations under the table. 

Talking about bisexual females, feminist. 
writer Loretta Ulmschreider has said, 
"Women who practice bisexuality today 


are simply leading highly privileged lives." 
No onc has cver said that about bisexual 
men. For them, being bi doesn’t mean get- 
ting the best of both worlds. It’s more like 
getting the least from cither world. In her 
chatty Hite Report on Male Sexuality, Hite 
quotes a bi man as saying, “Му gay 
friends are annoyed that Pm ‘half 
straight,’ and my straight friends are wait- 
ing for me to ‘come to my senses.’ Talk 
about alienation.” 

OK, let's talk about alienation, There's 
plenty of it evident in the bisexual men we 
surveyed. 

Only 48 percent of them have inter- 
course “two or three times a week” or 
more. That's the lowest for any group. 
(The percentage for bi women is 69— 
highest of all our groups.) They mastur- 
bate a lot. More than a quarter sometimes 
feel guilty about it. Even though anal sex is 
a vital part of male homosexuality, the 
majority of bi men don’t indicate that it 
provides intense orgasms. (It’s a chicken- 
or-the-cgg question whether people gravi- 
tate to the activity that gives them the best 
orgasm or whether repeated experience 
with a particular activity lcads to better 
orgasms.) Just II percent of the bi men 
have anal scx at least once a weck. 
Another 11 percent have it at least once a 
month, 

Bi men take 12 minutes, on the average, 
to reach orgasm. Thats longer than either 
straight or gay men take. Not only that— 
it’s longer than straight women take. Could 
such a duration reflect heightening tech- 
niques in gay encounters? Probably not. 
That is much more a female attribute, Bi 
men take longer than gay men do, anyway. 
Are bisexual men, then, unable to get ex- 
cited about the kinds of sex they're get- 
ting? 

Maybe so. The number-one response 
among bi men to our "most intensc 
orgasms” question is fellatio. Straight 
males choose intercourse. Straight women 
choose intercourse, too. Both bi and gay 
males say that they get their best orgasms 
from fellatio. 

But remember; Bi men have most of 
their sex with straight women. Straight 
women perform the Vance ТӘП E 
women surveyed. 

Forty percent of the bi men tell us that 
they’re not getting enough foreplay. What 
do most men mean when they talk 
about getting foreplay? (You're way ahead 
of us, right?) Do they mean that they don't 
get enough head? We asked the question 
directly. Two thirds of the bi men say that 
they don'l get enough oral sex. 

Getting too little of the thing you like the 
most is tough enough. Finding partners for 
gay sex is tough enough. (Maybe not if you 
walk the streets of San Francisco or 
the sidewalks of New York, but most 
people don’t.) Dealing with a partner or a 
spouse who's turned off by your homosex- 
ual i jand even having to hide 
those inclinations—is traumatic enough. 
But there's another area in which bi men 
have it tougher than bi women. 


Theres по question that ardent 
homosexuals tend to distrust bisexuals. 
They may call them switch-hitters, fence 
sitters or worse. Gay men are more visible 
in our society; their subculture is more 
unified and powerful than the lesbian sub- 
culture. Lesbians are more scattered, more 
individualistic. So, in addition to their 
other advantages, bisexual women get 
grief from a relatively small, diverse les- 
community. In addition to their other 
disadvantages, bisexual men face a strong 
вау community that can cut down their 
opportunities for homosexual contact. 

For these and thousands of other indi- 
vidual reasons, the bi men we surveyed are 
having a more difficult time of it than the 
sexual women. 
here was no strong, visible gay com- 
munity 20 years ago—homosexuals were 
outcasts. Today, bisexuals are the ones 
with no society of their own. Bisexual 
women get along pretty well, anyway, but 
they're still kicked around by plenty of 
shuddering sexual pedants. Bisexual men 
reap opprobrium from every side. For 
many of them, though, coming toward an 
appropriate sexual identity is worth the 
trouble. 

"Theorctically, bisexuals do double their 
chances for a Saturday-night date. Bi 
women are, arguably, the most sexually 
liberated of all our respondents, but too 
many bi men are dissatisfied. They're 
looking for a bisexual lifestyle that has 
never existed and doesn't now. 

The near future should see the develop- 
ment of a bisexual community. Bisexual 
identity is already established. A lifestyle 
to go with it will follow. Until it does, we'll 
be left with sexual polarity, hanging back 
оп the curb of what may become the fast- 
est lane. 


GAY MEN AND LESBIANS: THE BOYS IN THE BAND 
AND THE WOMEN'S TEMPERANGE UNION. 


‘Too often, even in research such as this, 
homosexuals are lumped together in one 
group. The only basic similarity we've 
found between gay men and lesbians is 
that they slecp with members of the same 
sex. For example, the gay men in our sur- 
vey are the mest “promiscuous” of all. 
Almost 40 percent of them have had more 
than 50 lovers. Lesbians are at the other 
end of the spectrum. They (and straight 
women) are the least likely of all groups to 
have had so many lovers. That should be 
no revelation. It backs up the stereotypes 
about gay men and lesbians. But it is a 
demonstration that if we're going to talk 
about homosexuals, we have to recognize 
two societies and two structures of be- 
havior. 

Why should that be so? Do gay men join. 
a society that offers open sexuality and 
then adhere to its philosophy or have they 
constructed a society that reflects some- 
thing inherent in them? Are lesbians sclec- 
tive by nature or do they just have trouble 
finding partners? 

One theory is that since they cannot 
identify with the sexual values of straight 


211 


PLAYBOY 


212 


culture, homosexuals tend to take the tra- 
ditional Western gender roles to extremes. 
Men are supposed to be on the prowl for 
sex, so gay men become even more sexual 
than the norm for men. Lesbians, on the 
other hand, inflate the traditional female 
role by becoming even more romantic than 
the norm for women. There’s evidence of 
that in both homosexual cultures, The 
gay-male community offers many sexual 
opportunities without even name ex- 
change. There are hundreds of gay bars 
and clubs founded on the principle of the 
glory hole; the whole idea is to cater to 
those who want anonymous gay sex. (For 
a peek through the glory hole and at other 
features of the gay community, see Nora 
Gallagher's The San Francisco Experience 
in the January 1980 pLaygoy.) The lesbian 
community encourages long courtship 
routines that outsiders may sce as positive- 
ly Victorian. 

Another theory suggests a multiplier 
effect. Gay men have their sex with 
other men. We should expect their sex to 
appear more extremely “male” than if 
there were a female presence involved. 
The flip side applies to lesbians. Such a 
phenomenon makes for an intensification of 
gender roles. 

Whether those are profound explana- 
tions or facile ones, it became clear to us 
early on that we'd be mistaken to address 
homosexuals as a single group. We'll lead 
with the gay men, who arc much more sex- 
ually active than most of our other respond- 
ents, and then move on to the lesbians, 
many of whom seem to be waiting for Ms. 
Right to come along. 

"The gay males we surveyed average 31.4 
years of age, slightly older than the 
straight males. They are generally a little 
more affluent and better educated than 
the population at large. They work at hun- 
dreds of jobs and come from all regions of 
the country. 

In matters of sex, they are doing every- 
thing—except making love with women— 
in abundance. The gay men we surveyed 
are definitely more active and experienced 
in sex than either the straight or the bi 
ual men. They masturbate more and per- 
form oral sex more. They have a lot of oral 
sex performed on them. They engage more 
often in anal stimulation, and almost 40 
percent of them have anal sex once a week 
or morc. Only II percent of the bi men, 
you'll recall, have it that often. For the 
straight men, it’s only two percent. 

Gay men are more promiscuous, if that’s 
the word you want to use. They would just 
say that they place less emphasis on sexual 
fidelity. They have had more lovers than 
straights, lesbians or bisexuals. We don’t 
know how many of those lovers have been 
female. Two out of three gay men tell us, 
however, that their current sex is “always 
or usually” with other men. 

Gay males are the most sexually carica- 
tured people in the world. They do inhabit 
the hottest sexual clime, but that doesn't 
mean that the sniggering of Three Com- 


pany or the brutality of such films as Cruis- 
ing has much to do with what's really 
going on. 

‘They could be called loving as casily аз 
promiscuous. For them, as for everybody 
else we surveyed, love tops the list of per- 
sonal priorities. Friends come second on 
the list, followed by money, family life and 
sex. Work and leisure are farther behind. 
Gay men look for thc same qualities in a 
lover as straight men do: trustworthiness, 
intelligence, good looks, a sense of humor 
and sexual energy. (It's interesting that 
women prize a sense of humor in mates 
morc than men do. No wonder Joan Riv- 
ers has so much trouble.) Our findings 
dicate that gay men want the same thin 
as the rest of the population, though their 
methods arc different. While they devote 
morc timc and encrgy to sexual matters, 
they still say that they want love and trust 
most of all. But then, so does everybody 
else. People may be a little more serious- 
minded when they're answering surveys 
than when they're going into bars. 

Gay men are very close to heterosexual 
men in terms of sexual satisfaction. Sixty- 
one percent of the straight men are happy 
with their current sex lives. For gay men, 
that figure is 62 percent. Our first report 
оп The Playboy Readers’ Sex Survey rebut- 
ted Hite’s implication that almost every- 
one is miserable about his or her sex life. 
This report should demolish the notion 
that gay men are desperately unhappy 
about themselves and their sexual oppor- 
tunities. It appears that they're as happy 
as anyone else—at least, once they've 
accepted a homosexual identity. 

How did gay males come to be homosex- 
ual? Was it something that was thrust 
upon them? It seems that in most cases, 
the determining factors come early in life. 

Current sex research leans toward the 
belief that sexual orientation is determined 
before adulthood or even adolescence— 
possibly even before birth. The authors of 
Sexual Preference found such a strong cor- 
relation. between adolescent homosexual 
experience and adult homosexuality that 
they had to see it as a tautology. That is, 
they don't believe that adolescent experi- 
ence causes adult homosexuality. Instead, 
bath reflect even earlier influences. In the 
authors’ words, Our findings suggest that 
homosexuality is as deeply ingrained аз 
heterosexuality, so that the differences in 
behaviors or social experiences of pre- 
homosexual boys and girls and th 
preheterosexual counterparts reflect or ex- 
press, rather than cause, their eventual 
homosexual preference." 

Our data will add ammunition to their 
theory. Three quarters of the gay men we 
surveyed report some homosexual experi- 
ence in adolescence, compared with a 
third of the straight men. Of those who did 
have adolescent homosexual encounters, 
42 percent of today's gay men went on to 
engage in them frequently. But only one 
percent of today’s heterosexual men did so. 
If there were no earlier factor at work, 


surely the men who went on to become 
straight as adults would have ex- 
perimented more during those adolescent 
years. Instead, though large numbers of 
them were introduced to homosexuality, 


PERCENTAGE OF RESPONDENTS WHO HAVE HAD 
AN ADOLESCENT HOMOSEXUAL EXPERIENCE 


99 percent became heterosexual adults. 

We also found that eight percent of the 
straight men and women have had an adult 
homosexual experience. They still call 
themselves straights, though some might 
consider them bisexual. We consider them 
examples of the fluidity in sexual behavior 
shown by all our groups. Perhaps even 
more surprising, 24 percent of the men 
who identify themselves as gay report по 
adult homosexual experience, and 3.4 per- 
cent of them are still virgins. 

Those straights who have had an adult 
gay experience and those gays who have 
had none seem to be basing their sexual 
preference on something other than actual 
behavior. They make us wonder how great 
a role sex itself plays in forming sexual 
identity. Their experience suggests, again, 
that adult sexual preference is more deeply 
ingrained than the accidents of early ex- 
perience can explain. 

Further backing up that idea is a strong 
correlation we found between the frequen- 
cy of current homosexual activity and the 
frequency of adolescent homosexual ex- 
perience. It seems that straights who have 
adolescent homosexual experiences sel- 
dom repeat them. Our bisexuals are 18 
times as likely to report frequent homosex- 
ual encounters in adolescence. The num- 
bers for gay men and lesbians, as you 


els ALIBAN NOTEBOOK 


PUBIC ADDRESS SYSTEM 


К s 
FORN 2... OR IS ТАКТ 


Break tradition. 


Drink Ronrico Rum instead. 

Face it, you already know what your 
usual rum, gin and vodka have to offer. 

Just try one drink mixed with Ronrico, 
and you'll realize what you've been 


NERALABNES SPRITSCO..N.Y.C 


missing. 


Ronrico is superbly smooth and light. 
With a surprisingly distinctive flavor that’s 
bound to win you over, 

Isn't it time you broke tradition with 


Ronrico Rum? 


N 


RONRICO RUM 


5 parts Ranrico Rum 

1 par! Rose's lime juice 
Shoke with ice cubes. Pour 
into anon the rocks glass. 


might expect, are much higher. Thirty-one 
percent of the lesbians and 42 percent of 
the gay men say they frequently had 
homosexual sex as adolescents. Could it be 
argued, then, that frequent adolescent 
homosexuality is what causes adult 
homosexuality? It could, but that would 
miss the point. Why don't straight men, 
for instance, go on to have frequent adoles- 
cent gay sex once they've been introduced 
to it? Why do gay men? Probably because 
there’s already another factor at work—a 
predisposition toward what their adult 
preference will be. 

By different reasoning and using a differ- 
ent sample, we've arrived at a conclusion 
that’s similar to the tautological theory 
proposed by the authors of Sexual Prefer- 
ence. That theory is an example of clear 
thinking and elegant science, The book is 
worth reading; it debunks most of the old 
notions about the causes of homoseauality. 
Still, until we know much more about how 
childhood, infancy and biology influence 
sexuality, there will be plenty of room for 
speculation. 

Back to basics: Only 64 percent of the 
gay males say that they have ever ejacu- 
lated too soon, compared with 81 percent 
of the straight males. The reason for the 
difierence seems clear: Gay men don't 
have to worry about waiting for a female 
orgasm. Of course, that still leaves the 64 
percent of gay men who say that they have 
come too soon. They may simply enjoy the 
Process of arousal or may just reflect 
the macho idcal: The longer you last, the 
better you are. Also, more gay men than 
straights think that penis size is important. 
Gay men can’t avoid comparisons. 

Straight men tell us that their most in- 
tense orgasms come from intercourse. Gay 
men, of course, disagree, saying that their 
most intense orgasms come from oral sex. 
Anal sex and masturbation come in second 
and third. Since copulation isn’t attrac- 
tive, masturbation and fellatio are primary 
parts of a gay male’s sex life. Almost all the 
gay men we surveyed masturbate. They do 
it, on the average, every other day 
(Straight men average every third day.) 

0 

Three out of four gay men say that they 
fellate their partners every time or almost 
every time they have sex. Thirteen per- 
cent tell us that they'd really rather not, 
but they perform oral sex anyway. 

It should be no surprise that anal sex is 
prevalent among yay men. Three quarters 
of our gay-male respondents have had anal 
intercourse. Twenty percent have it every 
time they have sex. Forty percent have it 
once a week or more. Slightly less than half 
the straight men tell us they've ever par- 
ticipated in anal sex. We can't be positive, 
but we think that the gay and the straight 
males are talking about somewhat differ- 
ent experiences. When gay men talk 
about anal sex, it makes sense to assume 
that about half the time, they’re on the 
passive—receiving—end of it. Since 
ight men have practically all their sex 


with women, we should assume they are 
almost always the active—inserting—par- 
ticipants in anal sex. 

Gay men are also more likely than 
straights to engage in anal stimulation 
during other forms of sex. Forty percent of 
them usually include anal stimulation in a 
sex session. That's four times the percent- 
age for heterosexual men. 


OF RESPONDENTS WHO MASTURBATE, 
PERCENTAGE OF THOSE WHO MASTURBATE 
А FEW TIMES A WEEK OR МОВЕ 


had sex in public. By “їп public,” though, 
they may not mean in the bushes or at 
basketball games. One of our gay friends 
Suggests that many gays consider the 
back rooms at gay clubs public areas. 

"They're awfully interested in their own 
sexuality. Every gay man answered two of 
our questions: “How many sexual part- 
ners have you had?” and “Do you think 
you're a good lover?” It’s very rare in a 
questionnaire such as this not to have at 
least onc or two people fail to answer a 
particular question. Nearly 80 percent of 
the gay men say that they're good lovers, 
by the way. That’s not quite as high as for 
the straight men, who are basing their 
opinion on less experience. 

‘And gay men are very active. The mean 
number of sex partners for the gay men we 
surveyed is 3l.5—casily the highest for 
any group. Its significance is inarguable. 
‘The mean for straight men is just 19.3. 


AVERAGE NUMBER OF SEXUAL PARTNERS 


Mese fomosmual — Bsend 
Males - 
Females mem 


„„ 


So, are gay men wild and indiscı ate 
or just looking for love in unusual places? 
They may be a little bit of both. 

They're unusually deceptive, for onc 
thing. Almost half have faked orgasms. 
Only 28 percent of the straight men have. 
Percentages such as those may surprise 
those who can’t figure out why or how a 
man would fake an orgasm. (It’s easy, real- 
ly. You just close your eyes and pretend 
you're trapped in a blender.) There may 
be a simple explanation for the large num- 
bers of gay men who have faked. Men who 
are very active sexually may have to fake 
more. They want frequent sex but can’t 
come every time, so they fake it. The re- 
sponses to one of our other questions— 
“Have you ever had sex a different 
person at different tim: a 24-hour 
period?"—add weight to the idea that 
it's the sexual acrobats who fake the most. 
Fifty-nine percent of the straight males 
have had more than one partner in a day. 
The numbers arc considerably higher—76 
percent—for gay males. And, as we've 
noted, gay men have had many more sex 
partners overall. 

They're demonstrative, too. Most have 


Thirty-nine percent of the homosexual 
men say that they’ve had more than 50 
lovers. Again, thats far and away the 
highest percentage for any group in our 
survcy. On the negative side, almost one in 
three reports having had V.D. in the past 
five years, compared with one in ten of the 
straight men. 

But there’s another side of the coin: 
where cruising meets commitment 

We asked each respondent to tell us the 
duration of his or her current relationship. 
Almost half the gay men are either dating 
around or dating onc person primarily. 
But among the rest—the ones who are not 
dating—strong relationships are common. 
Of those who answered our question about 
current relationships, 38 percent of the gay 
men are in relationships that have lasted 
more than four years. Almost half of the rest 
are in relationships of at least two years’ 
duration. 

Granted, only a quarter of them say that 
they're sexually faithful to their partners. 
The point, still, is that even though casual 
sex is a prerogative in the gay Community, 


215 


PLAYBOY 


216 


gay men are entirely capable of durable 
relationships. Our data back up Hite’s 
suggestion that most gay men want a life- 
style that is neither monogamous nor 
promiscuous—that a nonmonogamous 
but committed relationship is their ideal. 

Pioneer sex researcher Alfred Kinsey 
said that at least 37 percent of American 
men have some homosexual experience. 
‘Thirty-five percent of our male respond- 
ents, regardless of their sexual identity. 
said they had ever had homosexual experi- 
ence. He also wrote, in 1948, that “rela- 
tionships between two males rarcly survive 
the first disagreements.” That has turned 
out to be an underestimate of many gay 
men’s capacity to make their own kind of 
commitment. 

Overall, it looks as if the stercotypes 
about homosexual men contain grains of 
truth. If they didn’t, they would never 
have been accepted as stereotypes. Com- 
pared with the rest of us, gay men operate 
in sexual overdrive. Anal sex is prevalent 
among them, and they exhibit more pas- 
sivity as a group than straight men— 
that’s why some people call them fairies 
and sissies. But close analysis can bring 
out a better gencralization: Gay men value 
sexual exclusivity less than most other 
people, but that doesn’t mean that they're 
not capable of love or commitment. 

How about lesbians? Well, they're in a 
kind of romantic overdrive—love and com: 
mitment seem to be the linchpins of their 
lives. 

The homosexual women we surveyed 
may have a morc progressive view of the 
opportunities modern sex affords than 
most lesbians. Answering a questionnaire 
in a magazine billed as Entertainment for 
Men wouldn't be a popular choice for the 
more politically minded lesbians. Neither 
would carrying around a magazine that 
features pictures of nude women. But why 
shouldn’t а lesbian want to see the body to 
which she’s most attracted? Don’t you? 
Why shouldn’t she want to help a large 
audience understand her sexual prefer- 
ence? As you're about to see, lesbians are 
rather conservative when it comes to sex. 
Our respondents may be less so than most. 
On the other hand, they could just be a lit- 
de less hung up about it. 

It’s often said that lesbian love is dis- 
tinctly feminine in form and expression. 
Perhaps the best response to a statement 
like that is “What's that supposed to 
mean?” 

Maybe we can find out. At the begin- 
ning of this section, we said that the only 
thing gay men and lesbians have in com- 
mon is that they sleep with members of 
their own sex. That's a large generaliza- 
tion. Still, their differences are a lot more 
striking than their similarities. 

Gay men, as we have seen, are the most 
likely of all groups to have had more than 
50 lovers. Lesbians are far less likely. 
Almost a third of the gay men have had 
V.D. in the past five years. Only 8.5 per- 
cent of the lesbians have gotten such an 
unpleasant parting gift. (Ten percent of 


both straight men and straight women 
have had V.D. during the same period. 
Seventeen percent of the bi men and 16 
percent of the bi women have had it.) 

While they may not seem to spend much 
time there, lesbians say that they're good 
in bed. Sixty-nine percent say that they're 
satisfied sexually. Seven out of ten rate 
their sex lives as better now than five years 
ago. Eighty-five percent tell us that they're 
good lovers, and that’s the highest number 
for any group. 

Lesbians, like gay men, are sexual ex- 
tremists. If gay men arc liberals when it 
comes to sex, lesbians are conservatives. 
They may or may not be superromantic, 
but they are less driven sexually than 
homosexual men. They’d probably tell 
you that they're looking for relationships, 
not trysts. 

The lesbians we surveyed average 26 
years of age. Reflecting the general make- 
up of our sample, they are somewhat bet- 
ter educated and more affluent than most 
of the population. 

How did they come to prefer women? 

Almost two thirds of them report adoles- 
cent homosexual experience, compared 
with 20 percent of the straight women and 
half the bi women. ‘Thirty-one percent of 
the lesbians frequently engaged in lesbian 
sex as adolescents. Not even one straight 
woman in 100 reports that she did so. The 
percentages for lesbians are similar to 
those for the gay men; there’s a strong cor- 
relation between frequent lesbian experi- 
ence in adolescence and adult lesbian 
identity. 

Conversely, 22 percent of the women 
who identify themselves as lesbians have 
had no homosexual experience as adults. 
Four percent arc still virgins. Once more, 
we find people who base their sexual 
identity on something other than actual be- 
havior. They feel that nonheterosexuality 
is the most important part of their sex: 
uality—regardless of what their experi 
ence has been. We also have lesbians in 
our sample who report homosexual expe 
ence in adulthood but none in adoles- 
cence. Many may have developed a 
lesbian preference through identification 
with feminist politics. Others come to les- 
bianism as a reaction against negative ex- 
periences with men. Don’t all those people 
shoot holes in the idea that adult homosex- 
uality is just something that’s picked up in 
adolescence? We think so. It becomes 
clearer and clearer that there are more fac- 
tors at work in forming sexual preference 
than Freud, Kinsey or the Florida sun- 
shine lady would ever have thought. 

‘The mean number of sexual partners for 
lesbians in our survey is 19.7. The mean 
for straight women is 15.7. In light of that, 
our next figure may seem strange: Only 
nine percent of the lesbians report having 
had “more than 50” lovers. Maybe few 
lesbians have a great many lovers, but few 
also stick with one or two. Is that because 
deciding to live a lesbian lifestyle requires 
more experimentation than going along 
with the general preference? If that’s the 


right conclusion, it’s reflected in our 
finding that nearly half the lesbians lost 
their virginity by the age of 16. Just 28 per- 
cent of the straight women started that 
soon. 

The same number of lesbians say that 
they lost their virginity in a “casual” rela- 
tionship as say that they lost it in a “ѕе- 
rious” onc. Other women gencrally recall 
the first time as part of a serious rela- 
tionship. Gould it be that most of those 
first times are unmemorable for lesbians 
because they happened with men? Many 
social scicntists think that an adolescent 
who hasn’t quite accepted her lesbianism 
will experiment with straight sex as an 
“early denial.” Before accepting her even- 
tual lesbian preference, she tests the 
waters of scx with men. As we'll soon sce, 
some of their other responses suggest that 
many lesbians found those waters chilly, 
indeed. 

For lesbians, cunnilingus is the primary 
form of sexual interaction. Seven out of ten 
perform it every time or almost every time 
they have sex. More than half say that 
cunnilingus provides their best orgasms. 
Straight women, however, divide their 
votes among intercourse, cunnilingus and 
masturbation. 

You might think it would be tougher for 
a lesbian to bring her partner to climax 
than for a straight woman to get her тап 
to come. Not so. Straight women say that 
their male partners climax 95 percent of 
the time. The incidence of climax is 90 per- 
cent for lesbians. Also, only 40 percent of 
the straight women say that they come 
every time or almost every time. But more 
than half the lesbians say they do. They 
sound like technically proficient lovers. 

Masters and Johnson found that thcy 
were. The lesbians they studied were im- 
mensely better at cunnilingus than the 
heterosexual men. The reason? Intragen- 
der empathy—we touched on it in thc 
section on bisexual women. It applies even 
more forcefully here, since lesbians have 
almost all their sex with other women. A 
woman knows what feels good to another 
woman, and she’s intimately familiar with 
the elusive clitoris. Chalk one up for the 
thesis that homosexuals are better techi 
cal lovers. (See chart on page 219.) 

. 

Interestingly enough, empathy doesn’t 
seem important in fellatio. Masters and 
Johnson found that gay men are not sig- 
nificantly better at fellatio than straight 
women. Chalk one up for the thesis that 
there’s no such thing as a bad blow job. 

Lesbians take a long time to come. 
Straight women generally reach orgasm in 
П minutes. Lesbians average 13—almost 
as long as the bi women. They’re not in- 
terested in quickies. The duration of their 
lovemaking probably reflects teasing tech- 
niques that prolong arousal. The lesbians 
we surveyed take no longer than the 
straight women to get aroused. They just 
don’t rush to the fireworks. 

‘That long duration, though, may partly 
be due to other factors. We found that 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health 


33 т. 0.8 mg. nicotine av, per cigaretta, FIC Report Dec. U, 
М, 4 x А 7 


72 percent of the lesbians we surveyed 
have faked orgasms. That’s more than any 
other group. Are the lesbian pretenders 
like the gay-male ones? Are they the sexual 
superstars? It seems unlikely. There's a 
physiological limit to how many times a 
man can come in a short time. Theoreti- 
cally, there’s no such limit for women, so 


lesbians have no physical reason to fake so 


PERCENTAGE OF RESPONDENTS WHO PERFORM ORAL 
‘SEX EVERY TIME OR MOST TIMES THEY HAVE SEX 


Hansen Homosewal Bisexual 
es 
female cmm 


much. It may simply be that they’re less 
flamed about sex than the rest of our 
groups. We also found, for instance, that 
two out of three lesbians say that they've 
used drugs for sexual stimulation. Perhaps 
they necd drug stimulation more. In 
general, our results indicate that lesbians 
are technically skilled but not all that sex- 
ually motivated. 

What about their attitudes? Do lesbian 
lives jibe with a “give me love, not sex” 
philosophy? You can bet your copy of Take 
Back the Night on it 

Lesbians agree with our other groups in 
choosing love as the master key to happi- 
ness. Eighty percent put it first or second 
on their list of priorities. The numbers of 
lesbians who put it first or second are 
almost the same as for the straight women. 

i women aren't quite so likely to say that 
love is their top priority, and all the men 
are much less so. Straight women say that 
family life is their second most important 
consideration overall, Lesbians put friends 
second. Family life, sex, money, leisure 
and work fall nearly out of sight in terms of 
importance to the lesbians. 

They are fiercely faithful. Sixty percent 


of the lesbians—the same percentage as 
for straight women—tell us that they’re 
sexually faithful to their partners. Only a 
quarter of the gay men say that. Of those 
who answered our question on current re- 
lationships, just 18 percent of the lesbians 
are in relationships that have lasted more 
than four years. Only 46 percent are in re- 
lationships of at least two years’ duration. 
These numbers are much lower than those 
for the gay men. But remember—the gay 
men aren't faithful. Lesbians are looking 
for a more exclusive kind of arrangement 
than gay men want. Lesbians want both 
emotional and sexual commitments. Rela- 
tionships like that are hard to find and 
even harder to maintain 

In answer to many of our questions, les- 
bians offer a more feminist view of the 
world than straight or bisexual women. In 
response to "Who knows more about 
‘affairs of the heart?" lesbians are the 
most likely to say that women do. Other 
respondents generally think the sexes are 
about equal, but only a quarter of the les- 
bians choose that answer. In response to 
"Who has more advantages in today's 
world?" a clear majority of lesbians say 
that men do. 

"There are hints in our data that many 
lesbians have had some negative 
relationships with men: 

Fifty-six percent of the lesbians, for ex- 
ample, say that they have had a physical. 
violent argument with a sexual partner. 
For straight and bi women, the percent- 
ages are similar. The numbers for all 
groups of men are far lower. It's clear, 
then, that women consider some argu- 
ments violent that men don’t see that way. 

But that wouldn’t explain the high num- 
bers for lesbians if their arguments were 
happening only with other lesbians. 
Should we suspect that at least some of 
them were with men? 

Forty-three percent of the lesbians say 
that they have been forced by a partner to 
have sex. Forty-two percent of the straight 
women say that they have been forced. 
"Those numbers look too close to be coin- 
cidental. Also, lesbians are much more 
likely than other women to say that they 
would leave a partner who forced sex on 
them. Is it reasonable to think many of 
them already have left, while many 
straight women have remained with men 
who forced them? 

It would be ideal if we could resolve big 
questions such as those, but our question- 
naire didn't reach quite that deeply. Next 
time, we'll remember we're not talking 
only to straights and make it a point to 
break down more of our survey questions 
for gender. For instance, if we'd asked wilh 
which sex thosc violent arguments had 
taken place, we might know more about 
lesbians’ past difficulties with men. 

Masters and Johnson examined the sex 
fantasies of lesbians as part of their re- 
search for Homosexuality in Perspective. 
They found stronger elements of violence 
and misandry—antimale feeling—in les- 


bians’ fantasies than in anybody else’s. 

In the Masters and Johnson study, 
heterosexuals most often fantasized the re- 
placement of their current partners. Gay 
men most often imagined male body parts. 
But lesbians (who fantasized more than 
any other group) most frequently im- 
agined forced sex. The force involved was 
usually psychological, not physical. Les- 
bians were the only group that frequently 
reported sadistic fantasies. “There were 
fantasies of physically destructive 
approaches to helpless victims," wrote the 
researchers. “The fantasy content usually 
went beyond physically forced rape to in- 
clude sadistic specifics almost always 
directed to the reproductive organs.” 

Masters and Johnson emphasized that 
the lesbians they studied were a small 
group that was not representative of the 
whole population. They also cautioned 
against making generalizations from their 
small sample. There are more than eight 
times as many lesbians in our survey. 
We've found no thoroughgoing aggression 
or misandry in their fantasies. As we've 
seen, however, there are noteworthy hints 
elsewhere of antimale sentiment among 
the lesbians. 

Our findings don’t justify strong conclu- 
sions about misandry in homosexual 
women. And we're not saying that bad ex- 
periences with men are necessarily what 
bring abouta lesbian identity, though that 
may be the case for some. The politics of 
the feminist movement present opportuni- 
ties for some women to be introduced to 
lesbian sex, and there are certainly les- 
bians who have little feeling for men one 
way or another. What some of our findings 
do suggest is this: Many women who are in 
the process of realizing their lesbianism go 
through unhappy experiences with men 
that lower their estimation of them. The 
sexual structure of our society is male- 
oriented and male-dominated. Heterosex- 
uals generally buy into that structure. Gay 
men enlarge upon it. Bisexuals can literal- 
ly have it both ways. Only lesbians must 
reject it in order to create an identity. 

All in all, the lesbians we surveyed 
appear less concerned with sex than 
people in the other groups. They embrace 
romance and courtship even more than the 
mal female role would demand. 
They're che most sexually conservative 
group we surveyed. Our results harmonize 
with one of the lesbian activists’ chants. 
It's not just a song and dance: Lesbians 
really are looking for quality, not quantity. 


‘THE KINSEY SCALE: I'VE GOT YOUR NUMBER 


‘There are straights who sleep only with 
straights. There are straights who some- 
times slecp with gays. There are gays who 
sometimes sleep with straights and gays 
who sleep only with gays. Then there are 
bisexuals. Where to put them all? 

In 20 years, when anything consenting 
adults want to do is fine with society, call- 
ing people heterosexuals, bisexuals or 
homosexuals may make no sense at all. It 


219 


PLAYBOY 


220 


doesn’t make much sense now. Try this 
one: Would you call a woman who has 
slept with ten men and four women a 
straight, a bi or a lesbian? What if she slept 
with the ten men a long time ago? The old 
labels keep slipping off. 

As part of his incendiary sex research, 
Kinsey created a flow chart for sexual pref- 
erence. It’s still the best representation we 
have of the continuum of sexual activity. 
Following the lead of Masters and John- 
son, we'll be using a slightly liberal inter- 
pretation of Kinsey’s terminology: 

A zero rating on the Kinsey scale means 
that the person in question has never had 
an overt homosexual experience. 

А опе represents a person whose 
straight experience far outweighs his or 
her minimal homosexual experience. 

A two has had more homosexual experi- 
ence than a Kinsey one but an even great- 
er amount of straight experience. 

A three represents somebody with 
approximately equal homosexual and 
straight experience. 

A four is a person with significant 


straight experience but with a greater 
amount of homosexual experience. 

A five is somebody whose homosexual 
experience far outweighs his or her mi 
mal straight experience. 

А six is a person who has never had ап 
overt straight experience—the opposite of 
a Kinsey zero. 

A person's Kinsey rating may change 
over time. Some bisexuals, for example, 
Start out with only heterosexual experience 
but end up with about the same number of 
straight and gay partners. Someone like 
that has gone from a rating of zero to one 
of three. (The scale measures total life- 
time—not just current—numbers of sex 
partners.) In the course of their lives, indi- 
viduals may alight in a number of Kinsey 
categories. 

Kinsey’s is an experiential scale. It 
doesn’t measure what you want to be, or 
when. Instead, it places your cumulative 
sexual experience in the context of other 
gradations of experience. 

"That's not a limitation. As a matter of 
fact, it’s often an aid to sex research. Many 


“Not right now, but it’s nice of you to offer.” 


of the homosexuals, you'll recall, could, by 
their experience, be called bisexuals ог 
even straights. Why doesn’t their self 
identification correspond to their experi- 
ence? The scale gives social scientists a 
starting point for finding out. 

Most of the heterosexual men in our sur- 
vey fall into the zero part of the Kinscy 
scale. They have never had an overt 
homosexual experience. About a third 
would get a rating of one. They have had 
minimal homosexual experience. Hardly 
any of the straight males we surveyed 
would rate two or higher. 

Eighty percent of the straight women 
have never had an overt homosexual ex- 
perience. They're in the zero category. 
Almost all the rest would rate onc, having 
had minimal lesbian experience. 

Fewer gay men and lesbians are so near- 
ly exclusive. Still, most of the gay men and 
the lesbians tell us that they currently 
slcep only with members of their own sex. 
Other studies suggest that self-described 
homosexuals populate the Kinsey ratings 
from three through six in substantial 
numbers. We found people who identify 
themselves as homosexuals in every Kin- 
sey category, but the vast majority are in 
the three-through-six range. 

Most of the bisexuals fall into the 
ratings from one through three. They have 
predominantly straight experience, even at 
present. There are only a few in the higher 
categories. 

Straight, gay and bi simply can’t de- 
scribe all the varieties of human sexuality, 
especially when used as labels. The Kinsey 
scale isn’t perfect, but it’s an improve- 
ment. We would all be better off (more 
accurate, anyway) if we thought in terms 
of Kinscy ratings rather than three inflex 
ble words. Better yet, we could bear in 
id that even the Kinsey ratings aren't 
six railroad cars. They overlap and flow 
into one another, like the colors in the visi 
ble spectrum. 

"We've presented a lot of information 
about sexual identity. We’ve come to some 
conclusions, supported or rebutted some 
theories and opened the door for а few 
questions that scream to be answered. 
Some of our data confirmed our suspi- 
cions, but some surprised us and turned. 
our expectations upside down. 

When all the words and figures arc 
boiled down, what's the best thing we can 
take away from thern? Perhaps it's simply 
that pigeonholes and labels limit any 
understanding of contemporary sex. In the 
end, maybe we've reached a point at 
which the only relevant label is somcone's 
name. 

See our July issue for part four of The 
Playboy Readers’ Sex Survey, wherein we'll 
reconnoiter the world of experimental sex. 


By Kevin Cook in collaboration with 
Arthur Kretchmer, Barbara Nellis, Janet 
Lever and Rosanna Hertz. 


How do you enjo 
arene ace 


when you run out 
of coffee beans? 


Rice 2 White Cloud 
А 102. Sambuca Romana 
Club soda 


Pour over ice 
in tall glass. 


Con Mosca 

1 ог. Sambuca Romana 
3 roasted coffee beans 

Float coffee beans on top. 


м ъа, 


Romana 
Caffe 
1 oz. Sambuca Romana 
\ % сир hot coffee 
Top with sweetened 
whipped cream. 
Dust with grated 
nutmeg. 


7 | Chocolate Chip 


The traditional way 
to drink Sambuca is Con Mosca 
But if you're out of coffee beans, 
try one of these other drinks. 
And then write for ouroriginal 
Sambuca Romana recipe book. 
Sambuca Romana 84 PI 


cup chocolate chip 
ice cre 

Blend and serve or 

freeze until serving 


\ 
ү mbuca 
1 oz. Sambuca Romana 
4 
>, 


Reunion (for2) 
loz uca Romana 
loz. vodka 
12 fresh strawberries 
^ oz. orange juice 
cup crushed ice 
Mix ingredients in blender 

until almost smooth. 


Ld 


Sunny Sam 

% oz. Sambuca Romana 
1 oz. vodka 
Orange juice 


Pour over ice in 


Imported by Palmer & Lord, Ltd., 


ES Syosett, N.Y. 11791 
iL 


PLAYBOY 


ANSEL ADAMS 


“Well, the Holy Land is a very good example of 


(continued from page 87) 


some lousy conservation management.” 


brought in his strange religious beliefs. He 
can believe any way he chooses on his own 
time, but to impose his religious dogma on. 
the Interior Department is dangerous. 
He's a religious fundamentalist who, when 
asked by the House Interior Committce if 
he would save public lands for “future 
generations,” answered, “I do not know 
how many future generations we can count 
on before the Lord returns.” He is saying, 
essentially, that we ought to use the land, 
as the Bible tells us, without regard for the 
future. Well, the Holy Land is a very good 
example of some lousy conservation man- 
agement. In case Watt is wrong and the 
Lord does not return in the next few years, 
the earth may suffer irreparable damage. 
Some of what Watt has done is truly un- 
believable. Imagine sending a memo stat- 
ing that no Interior Department official 
could meet or talk with any professional 
conservationist! Wasn't this country 
founded on the principles of free speech 
and access by the people to their Govern- 
ment? Then there was his irresponsible let- 
ter last year to the Israeli ambassador, 


warning him that if U.S. Jews joined 
in opposing President Reagan’s dome: 
energy program, it would endanger Amer- 
ica’s commitment to Israel’s defense. 

Watt has said that “the vast majority of 
the conservation mavement support our 
programs, as does Congress, the governors 
and the state legislatures,” but 40 mem- 
bers of Congress have called for his res- 
ignation, Newspapers in something like 30 
states have asked for his removal from 
office. Western governors have vocally 
opposed his policies on wilderness leasing, 
coal leasing, water projects and land sales 
Six coastal states, including Alaska and 
Florida, have filed suit against his outer- 
continental-shelf-leasing program. Just 
about all the national conservation groups, 
which represent some 6,000,000 people, 
have called for Watt’s resignation. A poll 
last summer done by The Washington 
Post showed that he had the lowest 
approval rating of any Cabinet officer 
other than Secretary of Labor Donovan. 
President Carter has summed it up nicely: 
“It is quite likely that the incumbent 


Secretary of the Interior will go down in 
history among our nation’s Cabinet 
officers as one who most seriously betrayed 
the public trust. . . .” 

It seems that there is a determined in- 
tention to destroy the integrity of the parks 
and wilderness areas to lessen their im- 
portance, which will eventually make it 
easier to invade them for commercial pur- 
poses. That would be tragic. 

PLAYBOY: Can you cite an example of that? 
ADAMS: Right near Bryce Canyon, in 
Utah, they are planning to put in a strip 
mine. Eventually, we can expect an argu- 
ment such as "We're near the park 
already and it has proved very fruitful, so 
it makes sense to go ahead,” Something 
similar is occurring in Death Valley. The 
Administration also has plans to allow 
hard-rock mining in several national rec- 
reation arcas and has even proposed 
changes in the surface-mining regulations 
that could lead to strip-mining of coal in 
26 national parks. Watt wants to sell land 
to pay off the national debt, which is like 
saying, “It’s cold, so let’s set the house on 
fire.” He also wants to offer for lease 25 
times the acreage offered during the 
year history of a program that allows leas- 
ing of the outer continental shelf. Rape, 
ruin and run! 

: Have Watts attempts to open up 
to exploitation been checked or 
has the damage begun? 

ADAMS: They’ve been checked to a degree, 


You're looking at an unre- 
touched photograph of a typical 
Sheik® condom being used in a 
rather untypical way. 

We may be stretching a point, 
but we're doing it to prove that a 
condom doesn’t have to be thick to 
be safe. 

Measuring a thin three one- 
thousandths of an inch, Sheik con- 
doms offer the perfect balance of 
strength and sensitivity. 


\ SUE ЕК ED 


CONDOMS А 


be so strong? 


If they were any thinner, you 
wouldn't feel quite so safe. Any 
thicker and you wouldn't feel all 
there is to feel. 

How were we able to achieve 
such a perfect balance? By not com- 
promising on the quality of our 
materials or our testing procedures. 

In fact, Sheik condoms are 
actually tested up to seven different 
times by advanced scientific 
techniques— including individual 


How could a condom so thin 


electronic testing. 

Yet, with all their strength, 
Sheiks feel so natural you'd swear 
you weren't wearing a condomat all. 

Sensi-Creme Lubricated, Ribbed, 

Reservoir End, and Plain End. 

Schmid Products Company, Little Falls, 
New Jersey. 


Sheik 


The strong, sensitive type. 


CUR brow" 


“Somehow, I just couldn't say no. 


PLAYBOY 


224 


but he has no intention of giving up. For 
instance, we had thought we had the drill- 
ing off the California coast controlled; but 
the next thing we heard, Watt announced 
a new set of leases. In that situation, we 
don't argue that the oil shouldn't be avail- 
able in an emergency situation, but there 
is a very small amount of oil off the central 
Pacific Coast. Watt just wants to get in 
there with the idea of promoting total 
availability. But he pays no attention to 
the intangible qualities, the scenic qual- 
ities and even the wildlife. One oil- 
company executive went so far as to say 
that he didn't know why the people in our 
part of the country were worrying about 
the drilling rigs. He said, "They're several 
miles offshore and they look mighty pretty 
at night, a lot like Christmas trees.” Those 
aren't the exact words, but they are the 
essence, Well, that doesn’t even deserve 
comment, but even putting aside the view, 
the possibility of spills of oil and the irrep- 
arable damage that would be caused to 
that very fragile coast line is hardly worth 
the risk, unless those reserves were abso- 
lutely crucial. Remember what happened 
in the spill on the east coast of Mexico. It 
put 142,000,000 gallons of oil into the Gulf 
and the pollution is too terrible to speak of. 
The oil well was finally capped and con- 
trolled, but there was enough already out 
there in the water to do permanent dam- 
age to the Gulf coast. 

PLAYBOY: These days, how are you in- 
volved? 

ADAMS: I try to do something every day 
a letter, a phone call, an interview—some- 
thing to promote the environmental cause. 
A letter a day may kcep the Watts away. 
PLAYBOY: You arc against nuclear weapons 
but favor nuclear power, which separates 
you from many of the environmental 
groups that are staunchly no-nuke. 
ADAMS: That's an apparent dichotomy and 
it disturbs a lot of people, but the danger of 
nuclear power is conjectural and the pollu- 
tion potential, compared with the known 
pollution potential of burning coal and cil, 
is minute. When you consider the threat of 
acid rain and the general pollution of air 
and water caused by thermal-power pro- 
duction, it is terrible. There is general 
agreement that nuclear weapons are 
absurd, but I disagree with the view that 
nuclear power is bad. They have many 
reactors in England and they have never 
had any trouble. The problem here is that 
we just don’t have adequate training for 
nuclear technicians. We ought to use our 
technology to make nuclear power safe in- 
stead of fighting it, since it is the only prac- 
tical alternative that we have to destroying 
the environment with oil and coal_ 
PLAYBOY: What about the argument that 
we just don’t know enough to safely use 
nuclear power, which could potentially 
far more harm than the poll 
by fossil-fucl-energy production? 

ADAMS: If we have that much caution, why 
do we allow the Four Corners coal plant, 
for instance? That can kill many more 


people than any nuclear plant. A nuclear 
plant is not dangerous. 
PLAYBOY: Even with the prospect of a melt- 
down? 
ADAMS: We haven't had any. Three Mile 
Island only scared people to death. 1 had 
my teeth examined when I wasa little kid. 
I bet I had more radiation than Га ever 
get around a nuclear plant for a year. Now, 
I am aware of the arguments against it. I 
believe technology can check those prob- 
lems. In the meantime, with the depletion 
of oil, coal and gas, what else is there? 
The better alternative to the fission 
reactors is fusion, which the Government 
isn’t pushing the way it should. It is a 
much safer alternative. It’s clean, efficient 
and not very expensive. The technology is 
inevitable. We have to have the water de- 
salination that it vill allow. It's a necessity 


there is a big public D about fusion, 
it becomes evil. It is unfortunate that it has 
been clumped together with something as 
insidious as nuclear weapons, because 
utilizing nuclear energy is the future. 

PLAYBOY: That there hasn’t been a major 


disaster, such as a meltdown, doesn't 
mean there won't be one. 

he risk is so low, it doesn’t scare 
me. We're at constant risk of being hit with 
a meteorite or an asteroid. We're at risk of 
а major earthquake, and the time for that 
is coming closer and closer. In Los Angeles 
and San Francisco, its going to be a 
tremendous disaster. The brand-new 
buildings may hold up, but there is a 
period of many decades, from 1906 
through 20 years ago, whose buildings 
have no earthquake consideration in their 
construction. I think you are at infinitely 
more risk driving around in your car than 
you are around any nuclear plant. 
PLAYBOY: It’s not just radicals who fear 
nuclear power but many scientists, too 
One concern is nuclear waste. 

ADAMS: It is, indeed, a concern, but it is a 
solvable problem. Some experts have sug- 
gested shooting it off into the sun, which 
would be fine if the rocket worked. But 
think what would happen if it didn't. The 
point is that waste is a solvable problem. 
‘There are a lot of scientists who are much 
more moderate and support nuclear pow- 
er, but for some reason, they don’t get 
heard. Relating simple facts about some- 
thing's being safe doesn't get the same 
attention as telling people that something 
is scary and dramatic and dangerous. If 
there ever were a proven hazard, I would 
be the first to admit it. But with all the in- 
formation people have been able to give 
me, I have concluded that we are much 
better to go on with it than with the 
alternative. The danger is that most of 
the plants are privately operated and, 
therefore, under economic stress, and pri- 
vate companies are not likely to spend the 
money it takes to ensure that the plants are 
completely safe. Safety programs should 
be mandatory, which doesn’t say much. 


‘There should be rent control. There should 
be more rigid pollution control. But you 
have interests that just don’t want to рау 
the costs. I’m aware of the problems, but Ї 
still believe nuclear energy is a needed 
alternative that should be carefully de- 
veloped and controlled. 

PLAYBOY: But you don’t support nuclear 
arms 

ADAMS: They are absolutely insane. I 
know people who witnessed the big dis- 
plays in the Pacific who will never get over 
it. They had the feeling of seeing some- 
thing totally beyond control that is totally 
lethal. They were very sobered people. Of 
course, people talk about the danger of a 
nuclear bomb hitting a nuclear reactor, 
but that’s a pretty silly argument. If a 
nuclear bomb hits anywhere, it doesn't 
matter what it hits. There is enough de- 
structive force and radiation to do un- 
thinkable damage without any help- 


People cannot conceive that a multimega- 
ton bomb falling on San Francisco would 
make a crater out of the entire city and do 
serious damage as far away as here, Car- 
mel, 100 miles awa: 


That is one bomb. It 


the atom can help save the race or destroy 
it. I have a metal letter opener that could 
become a murderous weapon if used with 
intent to murder, Anything used inten- 


tionally for destruction is terrible; nuclear 
bombs, of course, are worst of all. Biologi- 
cal weapons also terrify me. Those things 
are mankind at its worst. There is the 
other side, too, which includes art and 
creative technology—which is why I сап 
find optimism amid such overwhelming 
odds. 

PLAYBOY: You're something of a living 
testament to the wonders of technology, 
with your new cardiac Pacemaker. 
ADAMS: Without it, I would have died. In 
fact, there have been four times I positive- 
ly would have died if it hadn't been for 
advanced technology in medicine. There 
have been four surgical episodes. The 
Pacemaker was the most recent. It’s a re- 
markable device. It’s like having a comput- 
er inside. It turns on only when I need it, 
when my heart rate falls below 50 or skips. 
The doctor can change that by waving a 
little magnet over my chest, There is a bat- 
tery inside that lasts five to seven years. 
PLAYBOY: But that's not all, we assume, 
that keeps you going. 

ADAMS: You're right. It’s a frame of mind. 
An objective. James Watt kceps me going; 
so does Ronald Reagan— God bless them. 
[He shudders] Even without them, though, 
there is always something to do. I'm 
amazed at the number of people who have 
no particular objective in life. They work 
only because they have to bring in money. 
‘That is a great part of what is wrong with 
our culture. 

PLAYBOY: Aren't you being 
again? Can everyone be a creative artist 
and still make a living? 

o, but you can be a creative tech: 
nician or a creative manager or 
artisan. It’s only the assembly: 


STYLE FOR 
YOUR LIFESTYLE 


when it comes to fashions, play it by ears 


TS SPRING, and young men’s fancies everywhere are turning to 
I thoughts of golf, tennis, jogging, swimming and, of course, 
lovely ladies in the latest summer styles. And whether you're under 
раг on the back nine, serving a match-point ace or just doing some 
serious people watching by the pool, Playboy casualwear and 
accessories can be right there with you. Our emergence as a status 


brand is no accident, as over the past 30 years, the jaunty Playboy 
Rabbit Head has become onc of the most recognized symbols in 
the world. More good news: The outfits pictured below are just а 
smattering of the looks for both men and women that bear the 
Playboy and Playmate labels. They're available at better stores 
across the country. Seek, gentlemen and ladies, and ye shall find 


Our guy above left will soon be off and running in his terrycloth jogging suit that includes a two-button-placket pullover top, $22, and ponts that have an 
elastic waist and cuffs, $25, both by A Trifle Bit; plus an adjustable mesh sports cap, by Arlington Hot Compony, about $6; and suede-and-mesh wedge- 
bottomed athletic shoes, by Smerling Imports, $29. (Next to his knee is a nylon sports bag, also by Smerling Imports, $10.) The laughing little lody in his 
life has slipped into something very comfortable—a striped cotton/polyester Lycra bandeau bikini, $30, plus a matching beach jacket, $34, both by 
Stafford Higgins Industries. The other guy has also taken the Playboy-foshion plunge and pulled on a cotton boxer-style swimsuit, $16, along with a match- 
ing cotton V-neck T-shirt, also $16, both by Ruby Intemational; plus a pair of leather athletic shoes, by Smerling Imports, $40; Orlon/nylon pocket socks, 
by Gilbert Hosiery, $5; and men's sunglasses, by Optyl Corporation, $55, including a vinyl carrying case. For more information on where to buy these and 
ather Playboy-licensed products, write—but please don't send money to Playboy Licensing Division, 747 Third Avenue, New York, New York 10017. 


225 


PLAYBOY 


that inhibits the mechanic who is creat 
ly building or fixing or making things 
work. The unions have tried to make 
people feel important, but they, too, have 
been trapped by a sort of big-business 
remoteness. If I were working for a cor- 
poration, I'd be looking for a slice of the 
proverbial pie, especially when I hear 
about the $100,000-plus-a-year salaries of 
the executives. There is no easy answer, 
but that, too, is what keeps me going. 
PLAYBOY: Do you exercise? What do you do 
in your leisurc time? 

ADAMS: I don't see a difference between my 
work and my pleasure. I can’t consider 
wasting time on vacations or so-called re- 
laxation. I get very impatient when Гт on 
a trip and there's nothing to do. Leisure as 
a concept implies that the work you do is 
unpleasant. I might take a break from one 
kind of work to do another kind or to read 
or listen to music. I love to sce people, 
perhaps over cocktails in the evenings. 
The doctor actually wants me to have a 
couple of drinks in the evening to relax 
myself. 

PLAYBOY: While we're on the subject, that. 
is some strong martini we've sampled. 
Will you share your recipe with us? 
ADAMS: The martini | am drinking now is 
simply dilutcd—that way, I can have 
several. But the ones you're sipping come 
from a Hotel Sonesta bartender in Cam- 
bridge. You take а good-sized glass and fill 
it with fine vermouth. Then you marinate 
some big lemon peels in there for days. As 
the vermouth evaporates or is used up, 
replenish it. All you need is a glass, ice, 
vodka and a lemon peel. Rub the lemon 
peel around the rim of the glass, drop it in, 
and you have a very dry martini. 

It's odd, but Т don't really think about 
being 81, except when I feel it. But I just 
keep on going, doing what I can do. I can't 
do as much as I used to be able to, but I do 
all that [ can. I was up near San Francisco 
а few days ago and I was looking around 
and thinking about how Г used to scramble 


around the hill with all my equipment 
without any thought at all about it. Now 1 
need help with all my equipment. Luckily, 
I have assistants. Sometimes, they tighten 
the screws on the tripod so much that 1 
can't even open them, which is rather 
embarrassing. | wear glasses now but can 
see better than ever. I have arthritis. Its. 
uncomfortable, but it hasn't been too de- 
structive, Since it hit my hands chiefly, it 
would have been very bad had I continued 
in music. But overall, Im quite fine. Pm 
better off than I was before the Pacemaker. 
And I hope I'm around as long as the 
machinery will last; and then, when the 
final wash comes. 
PLAYBOY: The final wash? 
ADAMS: You know—the final wash, the 
last rinse. It would be very presumptuous 
to think I not join the great majority. 
"That's onc political party you can't escape. 
I have great expectations—1 have a very 
good life expectancy, they tell me—but the 
last wash is a given. When I begin to lose 
my marbles, I think it will be much better 
not to be around, but the simple physical 
disabilities are tolerable. 

When most people retire, cither they die 
a year later or they are miserable in Sun 
City or some other self-imposed prison— 
all those elderly settlements have positive 
ly become equivalent to prisons. People go 
to those places and wait to dic, scared and 
weak. They grow conservative, right wing, 
which puzzles me. It is an illu 
you're right wing, you are going to be 
more secure—that is, unless you've got an 
awful lot of money under your right wing. 
[Sighs] ICs a bit disheartening. It са 
stay this way. Disaster or revolution, 
whichever comes first. 
PLAYBOY: You s that earlier. We 
assumed you were speaking rhetorically. 
Weren't you? 
ADAMS: Definitely not. We are on a disas- 
ter course. A revolution may happen first; 
and, of course, that may be a disaster any- 
way. I don’t say it would be a Soviet 


“Hey, people! Turn on WABC, quick! They're 
у 
playing my single!” 


revolution, but it could very well result in 
a different order of society. It could be a 
socialist setup that might work for a while. 
We don't know. The point is, I think there 
may be a revolution if there is not greater 
equality given to all citizens. We have con- 
sistently considered the employer, espe- 
cially the large corporations, as the most 
valuable part of the American society. We 
have consistently overlooked the enormous 
importance of the farmer, the technician, 
the educator, the artist, the laborer. Im 
not calling for a revolution; Im calling for 
greater equality to all citizens. If that 
doesn’t happen, something will. 

You see, I believe in a Federalism under 
which you would pay your taxes to a prop- 
erly lected and conducted central Goy- 
ernment that would, in turn, provide 
essential services—which would include 
medical care and other essentials—to 
the population. I do think there is a basic 
obligation for everyone to make his max- 
imum contribution to society, but we talk 
about opportunity for everyone, and the 
fact is that itis perfectly obvious that equal 
opportunity does not exist. It's about time 
we woke to that fact and clarified the 
whole social-political structure. Or we'll 
be awakened. 

Remember, ten percent unemployment, 
no matter how high that is, is an average. 
There are places and segments of the 
population with much higher unemploy- 
ment. People not continue to tolerate 
those conditions. What we need is a new 
set of political commandments that call to 
attention some of the basic provisions of 
the Constitution that are often overlooked 
by our contemporary leaders. There are 
inalienable rights that are supposed to be 
guaranterd. It is absolutely criminal that 
our Government has consistently sup- 
ported rightist governments that deny 
білеп? rights while being paranoid about 
any liberal concept, which is the concept 
upon which our country was founded. But, 
remember, it took a revolution here. 
PLAYBOY: In the meantime, you're worl 
vigorously to correct the situation. 
ADAMS: I think good things can be done 
within this system. I think there is more 
equal distribution in societies that pay 
more taxes and get more services from the 
government, such as Sweden. The big 
problem is to convince the people that all 
the public lands are owned by them, not by 
some big bureaucracy or some corpora- 
tion. Literally everybody owns public lands. 
You can’t go up and claim your square 
yard, but if something goes wrong with the 
public land and resources, everybody suf- 
fers. A big corporation may make a great 
deal from exploitation of the environment 
and it may even create several jobs, but in 
the end, the public—thatis, all of us—will 
suffer, But I wouldn't continue my efforts if 
I thought they were hopeless. 1 wouldn't 
wi all those letters. There's so much 
that is worth conserving. [Lifts his diluted 
martini) And ГИ drink to that. 


8 


“Tcouldnt live without her; 


so I gave her a big incentive to stick around" 


2 


I wanted to get Beth a diamond engagement ring as big and beautiful as our 
future together looked. A diamond that told the world that this wonderful woman 
wasnt marrying just anyone. She was marrying me. 

Now Id found out that today a good guideline for getting the most beautiful 
diamond you can afford is to spend about 2 months’ salary иаа плат iem элеш 

So 2 months it was. And as proud of her as Iam, 22 8 ® 

8 f 


shes even prouder of that ring. 
со to $80010 31500 to $3,000 to 
1,200 


$1,700 $3,500 $6000 


actual size 


Prices shown are based on retail quotations and may vary. Send for the booklet 
"Everything You'd Love to Know... About Diamonds" Just mail $1.00 to Diamond { Я 
Information Center, Dept. DPS, 1345 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10105, A diamond is forever. De Beers 


COMPANY 


t SANE PRODUCT OF THE COCA-COLA! 


E 
z 
А 
EH 
2 
Ё 
8 
2 
а 
8 
E 
H 
= 
= 
2 
2 
B 
E 
Е 
Š 
E 
E 
È 
Ё 
z 
8 
А 
3 
E 
E 
& 


AMBER LABEL 


Love at first sip. 


Delicious Bacardi rum and icy cold Coke. They've been winning smiles 
since the turn of the century. And today this refreshing pair is America's favorite. 
Ahhh Bacardi and Coke, a taste you'll love sip, after sip, after sip. 


BACARDI,rum. The mixable one. Made in Puerto Rico. 


JJ PLAYBOY 


GONE noe 


GEAR 


DIGITAL AUDIO: NEW SOUND OF MUSIC 


he compact digital-audio-disc player, introduced not 
long ago, represents such a quantum leap in sound 
reproduction that even some of the most skeptical audio 
buffs are being blown away by this newfangled format’s 
dynamic range. The discs, as you probably know, are digitally 
encoded four-and-three-quarter-inch platters (one is pictured 


here) that hold one hour of music per side. As each is read by a 
laser beam instead of a stylus, there's zero wear on the record 
surface; and, no, you don't have to scrap your current rig, as an 
audio-disc player will dovetail nicely with most sonic setups. In 
about six months, as soon as ample software and additional 
machines are available, we'll tell you more. Keep in touch. 


Top left: Pioneer's p. Ol audio-disc player can be programmed to play specific cuts—and even to locate a specific verse in a song—in what- 


ever order you choose, price to be announced. Top right; The Model 9500, by Phase Linear, features a full range of programmable functions 
Such as repeat, pause, skip, fast forwar rase repeat and time locate (up to 24 location instructions can be retained in its mem- 
огу), $1200. Center: Magnavox’ compact, lop-loading FD 1000-51. digital-disc player can be programmed to locate a specific track simply by 
entering the track number on the keyboard of the player, about $800. Above left: Although it’s not a disc player, we've included Technics’ 
SV-P100 unit in this feature because it records digita: sound onto VHS video cassettes, $3000. Above right: Sony does it again with its Model 
CDP-101, featuring a digital display showing how many minutes and seconds of a track have been played, plus much more, about $1000. 


229 


Here comes 


BRIGHT 


A fresh new taste experience 
that outshines menthol. 


It not only tastes fresher while you smoke. 
Iteven leaves you with a clean, fresh taste. 


7 mg. "tar". 0.5 mg. nicotine 
av. per cigarette by FTC method. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined | y 
y 


WHE 


ELS 


THE ‘BIRD TAKES FLIGHT 


ord's original 1955 Thunderbird, now a coveted classic, 
began life as a Johnny-come-lately answer to Chevrolet's 
first Corvette. Built on a cut-down sedan chassis, the 'Bird 
was barely 20 months in gestation from management 
approval to public introduction in the fall of 1954. A check of 
the records shows that it one-upped Corvette's “Blue Flame Six” 
(the 'Bird came loaded with a 198-hp, 292-cubic-inch V8) and 
handily outsold its crosstown rival ten to one that first year. But 
Ford saw greater sales in more seats than two, so the graceful 
two-seat ‘Bird was replaced for 1958 with a larger, five- 
passenger version. For 18 years, the T-bird grew fatter and 
plusher, then was downsized for 1977 and again tor 1980. But 
the once proud ‘Bird had lost its spirit. More fluff than sub- 
stance, it was a shoe-box-shaped shadow of its former self. 
Well, rejoice, ‘Bird 
watchers of America 
Your car is back in 
fighting trim for 1983, 
lighter, leaner and 
vastly more appeal- 
ing. its sensuously 
rounded, aerody 
namic new body looks as if it were designed in Zuffenhausen, 
not Detroit. It rides on bump-eating, gas-filled shocks, and it 
coddles both driver and front passenger in individual reclining 


seats. Most surprising is a hot, high-performance Turbo Coupe 
version guaranteed to knock the socks off the most jaded driving 
enthusiast, The Turbo model comes with dual fog lamps, multi- 
adjustable bucket 
seals, electric remote- 
control mirrors, big 
black-wall tires оп 
aluminum wheels 
and a special han- 
dling suspension with 
axle-taming horizon- 
tal hydraulic dampers. Forget all you've heard about tur- 
bocharged Ford fours. The Turbo Coupe may be only 2.3 liters 
large, but it goes like a greased snake on a griddle. With each 
intake port individually fuel injected and everything overseen by 
computer, it pumps Out 145 very healthy horses—sufficient to 
soar the 3000-pound ‘Bird to 60 mph in nine seconds flat with 
the standard close-ratio manual five-speed. Although not as 
brutishly last'as Ford's Н.О. V8-powered Mustangs, the Turbo 
"Bird is more sophisticated, more fuel efficient (18 mpg city and 
29 highway are projected) and a more athletic handler. This is 
the flattest-cornering, sweetest-handling Ford to grace a show- 
room since the legendary Boss Mustangs of more than a decade 
ago. Best of all, this made-in-America driver's car is base priced 
al just $11,790. Talk about a cheap way to fly!— GARY WITZENBURG 


For about $15,000, fully loaded (sun roof, leather seats, special stereo, Michelin ТЕХ tires and more), Ford's new Turbo Thunderbird is onc hell-oí-a- 


bargain fowl. Under that sleek skin are fast-ratio power rack-and4 


ion steering, MacPherson struts up front, horizontally mounted dampers 


and other handling goodies—plus a 2.3-liter four-cylinder engine coupled with a five-speed gearbox. Furthermore, the Turbo's interior is equally 
sleek: The dash is brushed black metal—and there's even an optional electronic voice alert (key in ignition, lights on and door ajar) for absent- 
minded lonely guys yearning for the sound of a friendly nonhuman. Sorry, the voice alert doesn't give Mercedes the Bronx cheer as you go sailing by. 


GRAPEVINE 


For Artie’s Sake! 


Actress ARTIE FIELDER isn't 
long out of Texas, but she's 
already hot in L.A., in 

Trail of the Pink Panther, 


It’s a Wrap 

We've already told you that Missing Persons 
vocalist DALE BOZZIO used to be a Bunny. What 
you don’t know is how she developed her special 
fashion sense. Says Dale, “God gave me а beauti- 
ful bosom. Why should I try to hide it?” Ament 


Six Weeks and the upcoming 
Daniel. On ТУ, she’s 
teamed with 
Gregory 

Harrison in 

Fighting 

Chance. 

She's got 

more 

than 

that. 


Crazy Joey 

Over the years, singer JOEY HEATHERTON has held on 
to both her sense of humor and her singing career. She 
still hits the night-club circuit and, as you can see, has 
worked up her own imitation of SCTV's Lola Heather- 
ton. Eat your heart out, Catherine O'Hara! 


A Peek at Perfection 


Keep your eyes on this beauty, actress VALERIE 
KAPRISKY, who is currently co-starring with 
Richard Gere in an adaptation of the 1961 
French movie classic Breathless. Actually, 
looking at her makes us, well, breathless. 


Brinke of Success 


How did we ever get so lucky? Actress BRINKE STEVENS is our celebri- 
ty body of the month. You will soon see her in Rob Reiner’s movie Spi- 
nal Tap, in which she plays a rock-'n'-roll groupie, and if you need 
more, she'll also be in Private School. Where do we go to register? 


Not All Rulers Have 12 Inches 


Now that the movie version of The Pirates of Penzance has 
reached the screen, REX SMITH measures fame in new ways. 
Smith and Pirates co-stars Linda Ronstadt and Kevin Kline have 
re-created their Broadway roles and have managed to popular- 
ize light opera for a new generation. Rex, who also occasional- 

ly co-hosts the TV music show Solid Gold, is worth his weight. 


Navel Maneuvers 
Ti are a couple of urban pi- 
tes, CHEECH and CHONG, 

ening up to play real pi- 
€ in Yellowbeard, with a 
of thousands, from 
[hn Candy to Eric Idle 
1o James Mason. 

_ James Mason? 


KAKU KURITA / GAMMA (3) 


234 


A SMILE ON THE 
FACE OF THE BARFER 


UCLA psychiatrist Dr. Robert J. Stoller 
makes a habit of sauntering down con- 
troversial avenues of inquiry. His last 
book focused on the relationship be 
tween sex and violence. Now, in a short 
article in Archives of Sexual 
Behavior, he has reported on a 
fairly offbeat practice among 
women that he calls erotic vomit- 
ing. For shock value, it rivals even 
the case of the guy whose blind 
date had a grand mal seizure the 
minute she laid eyes on him. But 
we digress. 

Noting that he hadn't performed an 
actual study on the subject, Dr. Stoller 
presented case histories of three 
women who claimed to derive sexual 
pleasure from tossing their cookies. Case 
number one described a druglike rush 
that she experienced all over her body 
when she vomited. Case two said that 
she could attain orgasm only through 
masturbation or vomiting. Number three 
said that she could “reach a sure orgasm 
by imagining someone vomiting in a 
hard, humiliating fashion.“ 

What we wanted to know was, how 
does such an aberration get started? It 
appears, at least from two of the cases, 
that erotic vomiting takes hold about 
the same way any other fetish does: The 
subject has an extremely exciting erotic 
experience early in life that can be re- 
lated to an object, a practice or, as in 
this case, a bodily function. in one 
case, the subject was caught masturbat- 
ing and was summarily spanked until 
she simultaneously threw up and ex- 
perienced orgasm. In another, the sub- 
ject thought that her fixation might have 
begun when, as a child, she upchucked 
while straddling Grandma's knee. In the 
third, the erotic reaction wasn't cued to 
any specific event 

Besides the fact that two of the 


LETS GET SCRUTABLE: In Tokyo, it costs 70,000 yen 
($300) to receive the advanced course of in- 
struction in a sex-training school run by Yasur 


SEX NEWS 


women sometimes wear men's clothing, 
the only trait that the three share is 
bisexuality. Stoller is hesitant to draw 
any conclusions. He says that while 
scientific data on the subject is nil, 
vomiting is found in some pornogra- 
phy. We'll go along with him when 


he says that "we still have а lot to learn 
regarding erotic life." 


NEW S.O.S.: 
SONS OF DES 


In 1970, researchers found that some 
women whose pregnant mothers had used 
the antimiscarriage drug diethylstilbestrol 
(DES) had developed certain rare cancers. 
In the Fifties, the drug was quite often pre- 
scribed for pregnant women who'd pre- 
viously miscarried. Since then, nearly 500 
ої those daughters have sued the DES 
manufacturers. Now attorney Craig Dia- 
mond is suing DES makers, claiming that 
his case of testicular cancer was related to 
DES taken by his mother while he was in 
the womb. On the strength of new evi- 
dence, thats a smart move. And knowing 
that Diamond spent his early legal career 
helping DES manufacturers E. R. Squibb & 
Sons and The Upjohn Company prepare a 
legal defense against the DES daughters, 


The scene below in a past issue of RAW caught our eye. We checked in 
with RAW mogul and el contributor Art Spiegelman to find that 
RAW Number Five, The Graphix Magazine of Abstract Depressionism 
(left), with artsy funnies by Spiegelman and others, is out. It's $5.95 from 
Raw Books & Graphics, 27 Greene Street, New York, New York 10013. 


and center: A female instructor helps a student 
explore the wonders of the Orient. Above, Ishii 
| Suggests some final adjustment 


we suppose that it was a difficult move. 
Not surprisingly, in a recent issue of 
Mother Jones magazine, Diamond, who 
lives in California, said that he has recon- 
sidered the drug companies’ culpability in 
those cases. 

As time marches on, the evidence to 


support his charge begins to mount. DES. 
sons appear to have higher than normal 
incidence of small testicles, undescended 
testicles, abnormally small penises and 
cysts on the epididymis, the part of the 
testicle in which sperm matures. While 
there has been no direct link of DES to 
cancer in males, genital abnormalities 
such as those mentioned are known to in- 
dicate a higher risk of cancer. Men with 
undescended testicles are 35 times more 
likely than other men to develop testicular 
cancer. Because of courtroom log jams, 
we probably won't know the results of 
Diamond's suit and similar suits by sev- 
eral other men until at least 1986. We 
may have to wait just as long to fully 
explore the DES-testicular cancer con- 
nection. Right now, there are at least 12 
ongoing studies of DES sons in the United: 
States. They'll shed more light on the 
subject—and so will we—as they are 

completed. Е 


Samurai sex- 


ologist? As best we can figure, this is like Masters 
and Johnson, only with your underpants on. 


operation is popular among newlyweds. Far left 


DIRECT FROM U.S. OPTICS 


QUALITY SUNGLASSES AT FACTORY PRICES 


Metal Frame Sunglasses Feature * Impact resistant lenses * Handcrafted * Polished glass lenses * Hardened metal frames * 


World Famous Pilot's Glasses 


pte These precision fight glasses are now available 
Binet meal fasion ay stes ‘Thin and Gamble Back emen bees tothe pubie e could buy them 
Value only $14.95 2 pairs for $28.00. Aviator teardrop style lenses elsewhere, they probably cost you over 
A s3000 value опу Pa a soso tite ender se lenses” o qup EET 


only $295. 2 pairs for $14.00. 


Aviator Teardrop Flight Glasses. 
Flexible cable temples, gold frames 
А $2000 value only $9.95 2 pars for $18.00 


Rich Tortoise Shell Style 
Classic style, large gradient lense 
А 92000 value only $9.95 2 paire for $18.00. 


Change-A-Matic Aviator Glasses 
Gold frame, flexible cable templ 
Mirrored Lens Flight Glasses Lenses darken outdoors, change back to Standard Aviator Glassen 
Unexcelled glare protection, gold or silver frames. lighter tints indoors А $30.00 value, Traditional stems, gold frames 

А $2500 value only 91095 2 pairs for $20 00. only $14.95. 2 pairs for $28.00. A $20.00 value only $9.95. 2 pairs for $18.00. 


The Sportsman Prolessional Driving & Shooting Glasses 
Sports карме en black metal frame vide amola amber lansas Enghien уру 
A s2500 value only $1495 2 pas for ште: value only 

E niv $1495 2 par lor $2800 = ASSO 0 wis 


Girl Watcher 
Gray mirrored lenses, black frames 
А $20.00 value only $9 95.2 рамз for $18.00. 


Siyen [ Quem» | Fame Color | To order your U.S. Optics™ sunglasses, send check or money order 
A Eum to U.S. Optics,” Dept. 804, P.O. Box 14206, Atlanta, Georgia 30324. 
= Credit card customers please fill in Card # and Exp. Date. 
FREE — limited time only—deluxe velour-lined case with each pair of 
8 815 ordered (a $3.00 value). Dealer inquiries invited. 
redit card orders may call 1-404-252-0703. 


Brown 


Black 


z Visa or Master Charge # Exp. Date 


Gold 


Name 


Goa _ Address 


[4 w ca | " к, 
L Gold City State Zip 5 
a ми аы» NOTICE: Dont be fooled by cheap imitations. These glasses are 


made exclusively for U.S. Optics.” To make sure you get the best, 
order now and if not completely satisfied return for refund within 
30 days. No Non-sense 30 day guarantee. ©Copyright 1982 US. Optics™ 


Total 5 
Free case with each pair. 


235 


PLAYBOY 


ALPHA VII 


Tomorrow’s Product Today 


ALPHA VII DESIGNIPERFORMANCE FEATURES 
— «Gond db Frequency22.5 


GHz Tuning Channels 2:5 
= 20 inch-Parabolic antenna 
+ Power supply ef cable, 


Cable adapters, brackels 
and hardware included 
= lilustroted instructions 


FREE MOVIES, SPORTS AND SPECIAL PRESENTATIONS. 
with an ALPHA VII deep fringe microwave receiver for 
homeowners outside the service area ol local over. 
JJ HBO, Showtime...). ALPHA VII 
‘antenna receives microwave transmissions up to 65 
miles from a tower located оп o hill or building in almost 
‘all medium fo large cities and some smaller commun- 
ities. Will not receive coble TV ог transmissions directly 
from the satellites 


ALPHA V $139 (not pictured, 50 mile line-of-site) 
ALPHA VII $169 (as shown, 65 mile line-ot-site) 
ORDERS ОМУ: Той Free: 1-800/247-4366 

For more information: 4-209/473-4204 


UPSICOD. When ordering by mail, money orders and 
cashiers checks only (sorry, no personal checks). Volume 
prices on request 


month warranty. Conditional money-back guoronlee. 


KDcarcomimneuxcures "“ 


Tricom Industries Plaza 
6333 Pacific Ave . Suite 194, Stockton, CA 95207 


DESIGNER SHEETS 
elegant, sensuous, delightful 


Satin Sheets 


Order Direct from Manufacturer 
Machine washable: 10 colors: Black, 
Royal Blue, Brown, Burgundy, Bone, 
Cinnamon, Mauve Mist, Navy, 
Red. Set includes: flat sheet, 1 
fitted sheet, 2 matching pillowcases. 
Twin Set $29.00 Queen Set $46.00 
Full Set $39.00 King Set $53.00 
3 letter monogram pn 2 cases - $4.00 

Add $2.50 for postage & handling. 
Immediate shipping on Money Orders 
and Credit Cards: American Express, 
Visa and Mastercharge accepted. In- 
clude Signature, Account Number & 
Expiration Date. Checks accepted. 

HOT LINE NUMBER! 
Call 201-222-2211 

24 Hours a Day, 7 Days a Week 

N. J. & N.Y. Residents add Sales Tax. 


Royal Creations, Lith. 


Opt KE 350 Fifth Ave. (3308) New York, NY 10001 


NEXT MONTH: 


"NOLAN BUSHNELL IS BACK IN THE GAME"—THE MAN WHO BUILT 
ATARI SOLD OUT SEVEN YEARS AGO, BUT HE'S RETURNING TO THE 
FRAY. WATCH OUT, WARNER—BY DAVID OWEN 


"NEEDLE IN A TIMESTACK"—MEDDLING WITH THE PAST, AS ALL 
TRUE TREKKERS KNOW, ISN'T DONE; IT SCREWS UP THE FUTURE. 
SOMEBODY SHOULD HAVE TAUGHT JANINE'S EX THOSE RULES. A 
MIND-BENDING YARN—BY ROBERT SILVERBERG 


"THE PULITZER PAPERS"—YOU HEARD ABOUT THE DIVORCE 
TRIAL INVOLVING HEIRS TO NEWSPAPERS AND KLEENEX, PLUS A 
SUPERNATURAL TRUMPET. OUR MAN WAS THERE, ALONG WITH 
DR. HUNTER S. THOMPSON, WHO WAS ALMOST AS NEWSWORTHY. 
A DISPATCH FROM REG POTTERTON 


"MORGANNA, THE KISSING BASEBALL BANDIT"—THAT WELL- 
ENDOWED BLONDE WHO HAUNTS MAJOR-LEAGUE BALL PARKS, 
BUSSING THE THIRD BASEMEN, SMOOCHING THE SHORTSTOPS 
AND OSCULATING THE OUTFIELDERS, REVEALS ALL 


"STAR WARS: THE SAGA CONTINUES"—WHILE EVERYONE ELSE 
WAS DISTRACTED BY THE IMMINENT RELEASE OF REVENGE OF THE 
JEDI, WE MADE A DARING RAID ON LUCASFILM. RESULT: THIS SATIR- 
ICAL PREVIEW—BY DENNIS SNEE 


"SEX AND THE MATURE MAN"—NOW, HERE'S A GUY WHO CAN 
GIVE SOME ADVICE, AND HE DOES: SEX CAN BE FUN AFTER 80, 
AFTER 90 AND AFTER LUNCH—BY GEORGE BURNS. 


"PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR"—YES, IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN, AND WE 
PROMISE YOU ANOTHER WINNER, PLUS A PLAYBOY FIRST: A FULL- 
COLOR PLAYMATE-OF-THE-YEAR POSTER 


"MONTY PYTHON'S THE MEANING OF LIFE"—AN INSIDER'S LOOK AT 
THE LATEST FILM OUTING BY THOSE CRAZY BRITISH COMICS 


"QUARTERLY REPORTS: INSIDE INFORMATION"—OUR PERSONAL- 
FINANCE ADVISOR WARNS US NOT TO PUT OUR MONEY WHERE 
OUR TIPSTER'S MOUTH IS—BY ANDREW TOBIAS 


wv 
- r S 


ri 
0.3 mg. nicotine, KING. 17 mg. “tar”. 
ой. 


| 9 Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


“After you listen tol 
you'll never qon us 


If you think Earth, Wind and Fire sounds ie de in 


ordinary stereo, then just wait until you d . 
Panasonic Ambience Sound! Ambience 
is a completely different experience in 
sound that begins where ordinary 
stereo ends. Ambience surrounds you 
with rich, full-dimensiohal sound that 
seems to come from everywhere. Not 
just from a left speaker and a right 
speaker, but from all around you. 

Hear the miracle of Ambience | 


Sound in Panasonic Platinum EG 
AM/FM stereo cassette recorders. 


The one shown above (RX-5085) азд Panason C. 


boasts a Dolby“ noise reduction sys just slightly ahead i Our time. 


onic AmB А Sound; 
to ordinary stereo? 


— Earth, Wind and Fire 


tem, metal tape capability and a Tape Program Sensor 
pat locates songs fast. 


You'll find Ambience Sound in 
our Satin Series“ compact stereo 
radio cassettes, too. The Salin Series 
packs a whole roomful of sound into 
a slim, pearl-white case. The model 
shown here (RX-F20) also has metal 
tape capability, Tape Program Sensor. 
and a whole collection of sound-en- 
hancing features. 

Listen to either the Platinum Series 
or the Satin Series. And hear the mira- 
cle of Ambience Sound. Once you do, 
you'll never go back to ordinary stereo! 


«Dolby is о повета of Dolby Laboratories, Вапегез ard lapes nolinciuded,