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PLAYBOY 


MILD FELAVOR.:KINGS.2.100'. 


A mild breakthrough. 


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PLAYBILL 


THIS MONTH, we're proud to bring you the first installment of the 
story of Jessica Hahn, the woman at the center of the past year's 
stormy religious upheaval that dethroned TV evangelist Jim 
Bokker. Rarely has a major news story been so directly related to 
the interests and philosophy of this magazine. Bakker, after all, is 
that all-too-familiar preacher who has raged at immorality and 
al license from the pulpit, then practiced both in private 
Playboy has sought for almost 35 years to illuminate and elimi 
nate such hypocrisy and repression. 

Our photos of Jessica—Jessica, on Her Own Terms—taken by 
Contributing Photographer Stephen Wayda, speak for themselves. 
"They're a testament to Hahn’s new-found self-esteem. As for Jes- 
sica’s story, television news clips, tabloids, gossip columns and 
features about the PTL scandal have depicted her variously as a 
temptress, a spineless pawn or just a first-class weirdo. But Exec- 
utive Editor G. Barry Golson, who, along with Los Angeles Times 
reporter Robert Scheer, interviewed Hahn, developed a very 
different opinion. “The major surprise in the story of Jessica 
Hahn is Jessica Hahn. When Bob Scheer and I began our con- 
versations with her, we expected a victim. Jessica was totally un- 
expected: a bright, witty, canny and, at the same time, naive free 
spirit who had astonishing recall and real insight into the jour- 
ney she had taken through an American nightmare 

“What continually impressed us was how determined she was 
to tell her story. When we broke from our marathon interview 
sessions—which sometimes lasted until four in the morning—it 
was Jessica who would always say, ‘Come on, guys, back to 
work.’ She'd waited a long time—seven years—to tell it all. She 
even photocopied one draft of her story for us. ‘After all,’ she re- 
minded us, ‘I used to be a church secretary.” 

“And one thing that kept occurring to us as we listened to her 
defiant, acerbic and piercing account of life among the TV ev 
gelists was, Boy, did those guys ever pick on the wrong woman. 

Special kudos on The Jessica Hahn Story (illustrated by David 
Small) gocs to her attorney, Dominic Barbara, who first brought 
Hahn to our offices, to Associate Photo Editor Michael Ann Sullivan 
and to Associate Editor Bruce Kluger. 

And speaking of picking on the wrong person, it might seem 
that the Sandinista government, headed by Daniel Ortega, was the 
wrong government to mess with in Latin America. Claudia Dr 
fus, who conducted an interview with a panel of top Sandinista 
leaders in the September 1983 Playboy, returned to Nicaragua 
last summer specifically to conduct this month's Playboy Inter- 
view with the man Rea alls “a dictator in designer glasses. 
Dreifus, pictured (above right) with Ortega and his Sandinista 
comrade Tomás Borge at the Nicaraguan baseball championships, 
noted, “1 saw no peanuts or popcorn in the presidential box, but 
there were plenty of AK-475.” She also noticed that ? 
play very loud rock "n roll at their bas 
minds us th; 


ball games, which re- 


rock `w roll is, by our count, 33 years old this vear. 
Yo celebrate the event, Associate Editor Kete Nolan put together 
33'/ Reasons lo Love (or Hate) Rock n Roll, which includes, 
mong other bits of electrifying and booty-shaking information, 
your ballot for our annual Playboy Music Poll. 
To round out the issue, Geoffrey Norman desc 
and-muscle auction of top-rated college football players in Meat 
and Money at Football Camp (illustrated by Robert Giusti); С 
wibuting Editor Bruce Wi 
Sex in Cinema, with a big boost from Assistant Photography Edi- 
tor Patty Beaudet, West Coast Photo Editor Marilyn Grabowsl 
¡or Art Director Chet Suski and Senior Editor Gretchen Edgre: 
Dovid Handelman asks Kelly McGillis a hot 20 Questions: George Alec 
Effinger dishes up a nonial madı 
тет, Glimmer: and. finally, we be 
Now, that will bring you every month 


bes the flesh- 


mson brings vou 


ar annual report on 


ste of m: ss in Glim- 


an exciting new feature, 


е very latest scoop on 


TV, video, cars, gadgets and people. Enjo; 


WAYDA, SULLIVAN 


EFFINGER 


IANDELMAN 


PLAYBOY 


Bruce Dierdof/NFL Photos 


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PLAYBOY 


vol. 34, no. 11 —november 1987 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 
Е сано асть ie. 9 \ 
DEAR PLAYBOY er OE atten ye. N 
PLAYBOY AFTER НОЏЕЅ................ c EE 

SPORIS SERO SRE О ARES 39. 

WOMEN К ЛЛК КЕС . CYNTHIA HEIMEL 41 

MEN... ME area АР ea wise ASA BABER 43 

WHE PLATBOT/ADVISQRI ие een ne ee ETT 

DEAR PLAYMATES. . . А AE, 

THE ie EEE E E T e 53 

PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: DANIEL ORTEGA—candid canversation .................. 59 

Now : - 80 

THE JESSICA HAHN STORY, PART ONE... 82 

JESSICA, ON HER OWN TERMS-pictorial. ............................ 2 90 Elie 

MEAT AND MONEY AT FOOTBALL CAMP—arricle. ........ GEOFFREY NORMAN 100 

GLIMMER, GLIMMER—fiction ....................... GEORGE ALEC EFFINGER 102 

WINNING STREAK—playboy's playmate of the month ......................... 106 
PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor ................................ O 

BEST OF THE BROWNS—drink .... А ... EMANUEL GREENBERG 120 

COLD WEATHER CLASSICS—foshion. . . ......... HOLLIS WAYNE 124 Winning Playmate 
20 QUESTIONS: KELLY MCGILLIS ................. ee TEE 

SEX IN CINEMA 1987 ..........................1ех! by BRUCE WILLIAMSON 134 

33% REASONS TO LOVE (OR HATE) ROCK "N' ROLL 148 

1988 PLAYBOY MUSIC POLL ............ EX dee T PEE 155 

TASTFORWARD ИНИ УКА ras Aceite АЛ СЕ... 

PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE v 201 Fashion Forecast 


COVER STORY 

Until the sex scandal that brought TV evangelist Jim Bakker to his knees 
erupted, Jessica Hahn was o mystery waman, and Bakker intended to keep 
her that way. But Jessica is too much af a person to keep under wraps, as 
you'll see inside. Her cover photo is by Contributing Photographer Stephen 
Wayda, hair styling by Michael Knight and make-up by Pat Tomlinson. 
The sunglasses are from Tuckerman Optical, and the hare is in the glare. 


í e 


= L 
What did you do to deservé Beefeatér? 


IMPORTED ENGLISH GIN 


The best of times deserve the best of taste. 


94 Proof. 100% grain neutral spirits. © 1987 Imported by Kobrand Corp., МҮ, NY. 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor and publisher 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER edilorial director 
‘and associate publisher 
JONATHAN BLACK managing editor 
TOM STAEBLER art director 
GARY COLE photography director 
G. BARRY GOLSON executive editor 


EDITORIAL 
ARTICLES: JOHN REZEK editor; PETER MOORE asso 
ciale editor; FICTION: ALICE K TURNER editor 
FORUM: TERESA GROSCH associale editor; WEST 
COAST: STEPHEN RANDALI. editor; STAFF: CRET 
CHEN EDGREN, PATRICIA PAPANGELIS (administra: 
lion), DAVID STEVENS senior editors; WALTER LOWE 
JR. JAMES R PETERSEN senior staff wrilers; BRUCE 
KLUGER, BARBARA NELLIS, KATE NOLAN, associate edi- 
lors; KANDI KLINE traffic coordinator; MODERN 
LIVING: ED WALKER associate editor; РИПАР 
COOPER assistant editor; FASHION: HOLLIS WAYNE 
editor: CARTOONS: MICHELLE URRY editor: 
COPY: ARLENE BOURAS edilor; JOYCE RUBIN assist- 
ant editor; CAROLYN BROWNE. STEPHEN FORSLING. 
DEBRA HAMMOND, CAROL KEELEY. BARI NASH. 
маку zıoN researchers; CONTRIBUTING EDI- 
TORS: ASA BABER, E JEAN CARROLL. LAURENCE GON. 
ZALES, LAWRENCE GROBEL, WILLIAM J. HELMER, DAN 
JENKINS, D. KEITH MANO, REG POTTERTON, RON 
REAGAN, DAVID RENSIN. RICHARD RHODES, DAVID 
SHEFF DAVID STANDISH, BRUCE WILLIAMSON (movies), 
SUSAN MARCOLIS WINTER, BILL ZEHME 

ART 
KERIG POPE managing director; CHET SUSKI LEN 
WILLIS senior. directors; BRUCE HANSEN, THEO KOU- 
VAISOS associate directors; KAREN GAFBE, KAREN 
GUTOWSRY, JOSEPH PACZEK assistant directors, 
BILL BENWAY, DANIEL REED, ASN SEIDL art assist 
anis; BARBARA HOFFMAN administrative manager 


PHOTOGRAPHY 

MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; JEFF COHEN. 
managing editor; LINDA KENNEY, JAMES LARSON 
MICHAEL ANN SULLIVAN asociate editors; ҮХГТҮ 
MEAUDET assistant editor; POMPEO POSAR senior 
staff photographer: KERRY MORRIS staff photog 
тарат; DAVID СНАХ, RICHARD FEGLEY, ARNY 
FREYTAG, RICHARD IZUL DAVID MECEX, BYRON 
NEWMAN, STEPHEN wavs contributing photogra- 
phers; suertee WELLS stylist; STEVE Levitt color lab 
supervisor: JOHN coss business manager 


PRODUCTION 
JONN MASTO director; MARIA MANDIS manager; 
ELEANORE WAGNER, JODY JURGETO, RICHARD 
QUMEIAROLL RITA JOHNSON assistants 


READER SERVICE, 


CYNTHIA LACEY-SIKICH manager; LINDA STRON, 
MIKE OSTROWSKI correspondents 


CIRCULATION 


RICHARD SMITH director; BARBARA GUTMAN associate 
director 


ADVERTISING 
MICHAEL 1T. CARR advertising director; 20%. AQUILLA 
midwest manager; FRANK COLONNO, ROBERT 
TRAMONDO group sales managers: JOHN PEAS 
direct response 


ADMINISTRATIVE 
1. P тім DOLMAN assistant publisher; MARCIA 
TERRONES rights @ permissions manager; FILEEN 
KENT contracts administrator 
PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
TIEHEFNER president 


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STRENGTH WITH SENSITIVITY IS NO LONGER A MYTH. 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


ADDRESS DEAR PLAYBOY 
PLAYBOY BUILDING 
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FERDI LOVE OF GODS 

It was with great interest that I read the 
August Playboy Interview with Ferdinand 
and Imelda Marcos. The Marcos regime 
was one of the primary factors that made 
me decide to leave my beloved Philippines 
in 1969. It amuses me to see Mr. and Mrs. 
Marcos in the pages of Playboy, spewing 
out more lies and being their old sancti- 
monious selves. One good thing that may 
result from this interview is that more peo- 
ple around the world will get a glimpse of 
this couple’s dangerously demented psy- 
ches and fantasies. 

In 1965, when Marcos took power, the 
Philippines and Japan were among the 
most progressive countries After 
20 years of the Marcos dictatorship, the 
Philippines’ economy is in shambles, 
while Japan has become one of the world’s 
economic giants. Doesn't that tell you 
something? If, indecd, Ferdi and Imelda 
are gods, then they are guilty of divine 


abuse. What a pair, these two: Cinderella 
personified and Adolf Hitler reincarnated. 
Endell Coparco 


Lansing, Michigan 


What a waste of good paper and space 
in your August issue! By interviewing the 
Marcoses, you have paid them a compli- 
ment they don't deserve. They have noth- 
ing to say, new or old, that I (or any other 
Filipino) don’t already know. 

Bill F. Alexander 
Middleboro, Massachusetts 


WASCALLY WABBIT MAKES WEADERS 
WACKO 

The cover of your August issue is fan- 
tastic. Boy, this Paulina Porizkova is one 
beautiful dame. Anyway, we men here at 
Gallaudet University (the only private lib- 
eral-arts university for the deaf in the 
world) have had trouble trying to find the 
Oryctolagus cuniculus. Ws impossible! We 
have passed the magazine around to 
different members of the college commu- 
nity, including females, and have come up 
with no Rabbit Head. Can you give us a 


hint and save us the torment of searching 
for it, even though we are enjoying looking 
at Paulin: 


James Muir and the Guys 
Washington, D.C. 


How about a little help before I go crazy 
and lock myself in my room? Where the 
hell is the Rabbit Head on your August 
cover? 

Rod Scott 
Portsmouth, Ohio 

Well, guys, rather than subject you to fur- 
ther torment and the clutches of insanity, 
we'll tell you. Look at Paulina's hair as it falls 
just below her arm, about an inch from the 
spine of the magazine. 


FLORIDA GIRLS 
Bravissimo! Your Women of Florida 
torial (Playboy, August) is superb! Howe 
er, I now have a little problem. After 
seeing Amy Weiss, I just can't seem to eat 
or sleep. 1 think that your making Amy a 
Playmate of the Month would really help 
me get back ou my feet. I can't bes 
tell you what it would do for my sp 
Stephen J. Strecter 

Bristol, Indiana 


Women of Florida is outstanding! 1 con- 
gratulate photographers David Meccy and 
Arny Freytag on their splendid pictorial 
and envy them their assignment. One lady 
in particular, Myra Baldwin, just knocked 
me out of my chair. A perfect figure, in- 
deed—but that face, that look, so sultry, 
erotic and just plain sexy! Please give your 
faithful readers more of her. When can we 
expect to see Myra in her own pictorial? 

Robert E. Jeffries 
Glendale, Arizona. 


Lets say there is this well-respected, 
world-class men's magazine that features 
incredibly beat l women. And let's sup- 
pose there lives in Tampa, Florida, a wom- 
an named Kristin Leslic, who fits this 
description and beyond. And let's also 
assume that millions of men (this one in 


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PLAYBOY 


particular) would find it quite appeal- 
g to see this woman in this magazine in 
the very near future as a Playmate of the 
month. Are you listening, Playboy? Are you 
getting my drift? 


Bruce Eylmann 


Millwood, New York 

We're getting the drift thai every guy who 
had a favorite in our “Women of Florida” 
pictorial thinks she ought to be a Playmate. 
Well, there's a good possibility that some of 
them may, in the near 


future, grace our 


centerfold. Until then, how about another 
look at Kristin Leslie? 


DARLING'S NOT SO DEAR 
Lewis Grossberger's article on Ron 
Darling (Pitcher Perfect, Playboy, August) 


couldn't have come at a worse time. We 
Mets fans are sick and tired of hearing 
Darling bitch about being a hard-luck 
pitcher. Don’t forget that he plays for a 
team with a good defense and a lot of slug- 
gers. Do you think his teammates respect 
him for complaining all the time? He is 
just fortunate that he doesn't play for 
Cleveland or Seattle. Next time, choose 
someone who has statistics that entitle him 
to be called a star. 


Curt Kilgass 
New York, New York 


THE WIZARDS OF ODDS 

Steven Crist's article Gambling in Amer- 
ica (Playboy, August) is both lively and 
informative. But as a serious blackjack 
player, I must point out that Crist's evalu- 
ation of Nevada's blackjack odds is some- 
what inaccurate. 

‘The Las Vegas Club does, indeed, offer 
more options to its blackjack players than 
does any other casino. However, its game 
is dealt from a six-deck shoe and is the 
fore no more favorable to the noncounting 
player than are the single-deck games 
dealt next door at the Horseshoe or the 
Mint. The novice gambler more often than 
not hurts himself by exercising the Las 
Vegas Club's special options improperly. 

Crist claims that northern Nevada casi- 
hos are unsuitable for successful blackjack 


play. I disagree. The single-deck game is 
ubiquitous in Reno and Lake Tahoe. The 
noncounting player suffers no more long- 
run disadvantage than that presented by 
most multiple-deck games in Las Vegas 
and Atlantic City. Since in northern Ne- 
vada a greater portion of the cards is dealt, 
the potential of profitable play for a skilled 
card counter is excellent. 
Louis Коке 
Austin, Texas 
You're right; the number of decks makes no 
difference to the noncounting player. But it 
makes а big difference to the counting player 
The point Crist is making is that the house 
betting rules are what make the game morc or 
less favorable to the counting and noncount- 
ing player, regardless of the number of dechs 


k 


BAD SPORTS? 

lam writing in regard to your August 
Sports column by Dan Jenkins, titled “The 
Doctor Is In." Jenkins is a usually fair and 
sometimes very perceptive writer, but his 
satire of Red Sox fans using an AIDS 
theme is at best in poor taste and at worst 
mean-spirited. There is room in the world 
for finding some measure of humor in 
almost any tragedy, but the callous and 
flippant treatment of a source of unbeliev 
able human suffering is not up to the usu- 
ally high standards of your publication 

You have consistently championed the 


“You should have bought a LeBra' ; she hissed! 


As the first drops hit the 
windshield, | cringed. 

Like most no-name car bras, mine was a loser. 
It had to come off when it got wet. Or it might 
ruin my paint. Janie gave me a puzzled look as 
1 pulled over 


Best, ис. (0199 = We for more 
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She couldn't believe that I had to 
take it off. 

AS we got out, the sky exploded like a giant 

waler balloon. We struggled to free the soggy 
No-name bra from the greasy wheel wells. 


Lights stabbed the darkness. 
It was a LeBra® Front End Cover. With a 
TransAm under it. Skin tight. Beaded water 


skidding off smooth curves. It was hot! 


LeBra” protects, Even in the rain. 
And it had automatic pop-up headlight covers 
and a separate hood piece. Clearly a better 

design. She was right. | should have gotten a 


LeBra® 
LeBra® 


па, йй 


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Design details are endless—like 
the welt that stops brush from snag- 
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rubber. Independent rows of stitch- 
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the laces and D-rings are made to 
never rotor rust. Sorels will with- 
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While they may cost a little more, 
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PLAYBOY 


cause of AIDS research and information 
and have tried to defuse the hysteria gener- 
ated by various idiotic factions in our soci- 
ety. Unfortunately, vou compromise your 
position by publishing such an insensitive 
piece. Is AIDS a joking matter? I do not 
believe you think so 
Jenkins and shame on you. Please com 
ment 


So I say shame on 


Mark В. Anderson 
Tucson, Arizona 
Jenkins replies: 
Mr, Jenkins, who has covered sports all of 
his adult life, knows of no greater suffering 
than thai of a Red Sox fan. In addition, he 


says he has long been a fan of tasteless humor 
and is too old to give it up. 


BABBO KUDOS 
Sen Yen Babbo & the Heavenly Host, the 
short story by Chet Williamson in your 


August issue, is excellent. Asa born-again 
Christian, I can see how Williamson de 
rived his plot from the hypocritical life- 
styles of today’s evangelists. In fact, I 
wouldn't be surprised if one of them had 
already thought of forming a wrestling 
ministry. 

Anthony A. Paluzzi 

Bronx, New York 


Drive, Ramsey, NJO7446. © 1987 Minolta Corp. 


SET YOUR SIGHTS ON 
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of the Year. Could you pl 


Sharry? 


FIGHT HIGHLIGHTS 

Your recent article Rallies © Resurrec- 
tions (Playboy, August) is most interesting. 
Two items of some concern in the article 
by Anthony Brandt are that Gene Tunney 
did not go on to knock out Jack Dempsey 


and Maggio was not the character who 
was stabbed in the fight with Ernest 
Borgnine's character in From Here to E 


nity, Indeed, Tunney went on to win the 
decision and Montgomery Clit was 
stabbed by Borgnine in the knife fight 


Frank Sinatra’s Maggio died in Clifús 
arms after a severe heating. 
Louis P. Vitti 
Piusburgh, Pennsylvania 
Right you are, Louis; but while we're set- 
ting the record straight, the title of Brandt's 
article is “Comebacks.” 


KONOPSKI IS TOPSKI 

Thank you for the beautiful pictorial of 
Miss August, Sharry Konopski. Wow, 
what a treat! She's the prettiest woman 1 
have ever seen, I envy photographer 
Stephen Wayda. To be able to see this 


goddess closer than any of us can must be 


paradise. C'mon, guys, one more peck at 
Sharry, please 

Ron С. Phillips 

West Bend, Wisconsin 


August Playmate Sharry Konopski is 
She deserves ta be 


Playmate 


ase give us gen- 
tle readers another shot of the beautiful 


Merci beaucoup, and keep it up 
Benjamin K. Rucker 
Cincinnati, Ohio 

Why don't you guys form a fan club? Then 


you can call in your Playmate of the Year 
votes for Sharry on her special 900 number, 
to be listed in the January issue. If you call 
continuously, 


working 12-hour shifts, the 


odds are good that at least one of you will get 
to talk with her in person. Until that thrill, 


here's this one. 


j TECHNICS CD PLAYERS. 
t FOR DISC JOCKEYS, RADIO STATIONS 
à AND JUST PLAIN MUSIC FREAKS. 


Designed with Class AA circuitry, precision search cueing 


and anti-vibration construction. " 


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the CD players many radio stations use. The Technics SL-P720 

+ and the SL-P520. 

$ Innovative Class AA circuitry provides you with silky highs, 
spectacular mid-range and chest-thumping bass. Precision 

2-speed search dial cueing—a Technics exclusive—enables 

you to move precisely to any point on any track on the disc. 

A Both forward and backward. And anti-vibration construction 

a minimizes the effects of external shock and vibration* 

These CD players offer a high-resolution digital filter for the 
cleanest possible sound. For programming ease, you can 
access any track in under a second. There's even 20-selection 
random access programming and wireless remote. 

So if you're a disc jockey, a radio station owner or a music 
freak, you'll be crazy about the Technics CD players. 


Ci 
‘The science of sound 


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she was swept away. 


Sweep her away with a So take your time. See a $1.25 to DIC, Dept. DER-PL, 
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as the way she makes you feel. Cut, color, clarity and carat- thing that will bae your 
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for something that lasts forever? 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


CONDOM COTILLION 


You'd think that after marrying a blow- 
up rubber doll (Playboy After Hours, 
March 1986) and conducting a funeral for 
casual sex (Playboy After Hours, December 
1986), Sherri Foxman—Cleveland’s forc- 
most (and strangest) satirist—might have 
run out of ideas for provocative parties. 
Not so. 

Last summer, Foxman threw a debu- 
tante ball—the Safe Sex Cotillion. А fund- 
raiser for the Health Issues Task Force of 
Cleveland, an AIDS service organization, 
the event had а typically Foxmanesque 
twist: The slogan for the evening was 
“Come out for safer sex (or no sex at all).” 

Alter a reading of the safe-sex cath (“I 
pledge allegiance to safer sex in this Unit- 
ed States of America and in the republics 
in which I visit; in fact, in all nations un- 
der siege, indivisible, with condoms and 
interrogation for all”), the debs were pre- 
sented to society, most carrying dance 
ards on which the gentlemen were asked 
to enter their names, birth signs and num- 
ber ofsex partners over the past seven years. 

Guests adorned themselves with con- 
dom earrings, shoe tassels, epaulets and 
wrist corsages. A lawyer named Alice went 
as a pristine Vanna White; another woman 
dressed as a nun and carried a sign read- 
ing, ABSTINENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW 
FONDER 

Our favorite slogan, however, was cs- 
poused by a young woman who told us 
bluntly, “No glove, no love." 


HOW TO BE A STAND-UP GUY 


Once a year, Silver Saundors-Friedman, 
owner of The Original New York Improvisa- 
tion, the venerable comedy club, teaches a 
seminar on how lo be a stand-up comedian 
We sent former National Lampoon editor 
Lee Frank to pick up Silver's tips 

Want to be as funny as Rodney Dan- 
gerlield, Richard Pryor or Robin Wil 
liams? They all started at the Improv. And 
these days, talent coordinators from The 
Tonight Show and Letterman scout new tal 
ent there. Owner Silver Saundors-Fried 


man knows what it takes to turn funny into 
money. Here's her comedy check list. 

Truth —Find the ideas that are resonat- 
ing inside people's heads, things that 
you're thinking that everybody else is 


thinking, too. 

Selfhood—Create a character. This is 
your fingerprint: your unique voice, your 
unique expression 

Belief system—Pcoplc can always be glib 
and clever, but you haye to understand 
your set of values have an attitude 

Taste—Don't go alter easy targets 
Nothing is sacred—not mother nor coun- 
try—but it’s hard to be funny where there 
is hopelessness. Ridicule what deser ves to 
be ridiculed 

Delivery—This is the rhythm of your 
language: timing, intonation, phrasing, 
the words that move your thoughts along 
as smoothly as a jazzman's riff 

The real wick is to make all of the 
above appear effortless, Student stand- 
ups should note the famous deathbed words 
of British actor Edmund Kean: “Dying is 
easy, comedy is hard.” 


ALMA MUDDER 


It used to be that a guy picked up hand- 
icapping tips by hanging around the pad- 
dock, but that was before state lotteries, 
Atlantic City casinos and off-track-betting 
parlors began competing for dollars. Faced 
with sagging track attendance, racing ex- 
ecutives dreamed up the Horse Course at 
Belmont and Aqueduct as a way to demys- 
tify some of the sport's more arcane 
pects and to draw new blood to the track. 
Graduates go to the track more often and 
feel that the instruction has made them 
better bettors. Which only goes to show 
the value of a good education. 


HUNGRY? 


A recurring late-night problem: where to 
cat after most nosheries have closed. In 
New York City, your postmidnight feast 
depends only on the size of your bank roll 
few quality eateries for your 
next Big Apple all-nighter. 

Brasserie (100 East 53rd Street) —The 
veteran New York bistro for chic 


Here are a 


atmos- 
phere and all-night dining 

Empire Diner (Tenth Avenue and 22nd 
Strea)—C: 
tabletops i 
Artists, musicians and actors masquerad- 
ing as waiters and waitresses serve up ev- 
erything from barbecued chicken to prime 
shell steak. Open 24 hours 

Florent (Gansevoort and Washington 
streets) —This affordable brasserie in New 
York's meat-packing district offers blood 
sausage, brains and tripe for the bold; sal- 
ads, charcuteries and burgers for the rest of 
us. Open 24 hours. 

Kiev (Second Avenue and Seventh 
Strect) —A little bit of the Ukraine amid the 
East Village punk scene. Cheap, delicious 
eastern European delicacies—blintzes, 
borscht, pierogi—served all night long. 

Nell's (14th Street and Eighth / 
enue)—Get past the doorman to enter a 
boisterous Victorian saloon where Italian 
dishes are served until four А м 

Odeon (West Broadway at Thomas) — 


ndles glow over black-glass 


this tony art-deco beauty 


v- 


19 


RAW DATA 


JOTE 

“The production 
notes vaunt the fact 
that all the blood seen 
in the film is real 
blood, donated by 
members of the cast, 
who at the request of 
director [Kei] Kumai 
“put everything they 
had into the film." "— 
Elliott Stein, review- 
and the 


According to a 
study presented at the 
Third National Fami- 
ly Violence Rest 
Conference, children 
are less likely to be 
abused in day-care 
centers than in their 


own homes. 


OUR 50TH STATE 


Hawaii is the only 
state that: 
Does not hav 


ES 
maje 
DEATH ROW. citizens; 
EX (usd, gene 
active д 
ST FES E nizes a language other 
(the United States personnel listed as mi: than English —Ha- 
and Turkey). in action in the Vietnam майап; 
. war, 2371: in World М 1 royal pal 
Percentage of Two, 78,741; in the Korean in the state capital; 


American death-row War, 8177. 
convicts who are 
whi 


41.40. 


percentage who are bl 


. 

Number of white Americans execut- 
са since 1977 for killing a black Ameri- 
can 


N 


ed since 1977 for killing a white Ame 
can: 17. 
А 
Number ol women on death row 
. 


imber of sui 
ince 1973: 20. 


THE NUCLEAR FAMILY 


Average dai ig time of tele 
sion by an American adult: four hours, 
five minutes. Average daily viewing 
time of television by an American 
child: two hours, 47 minutes. Average 
amount of ume a working mother 
spends with her children every day: 16 
minutes. Average amount of time a 
working father spends with his children 
;ten minutes. 
б 
Percentage of women who think they 
should take care of the home: 46. 
. 
Percentage of men who think women 
should take care of the home: 50. 


ides on death row 


Grows coffee. 


RELATIONSHIPS 


Percentage of women who would 
rather talk with their best friend than 
with a boyfriend or spouse about being 
unhappy: 69. 


E 
age who would tell their best 
friend that thei 
having an affair. 


Perce 


friend's spouse was 


. 
Percentage who would keep quiet 
about it: 29. 
. 
entage who would hint: 18. 


THE TUBE 


Percentage of Americans who look 
forward to watching television: 25. 
. 
Percentage who cite television as 
their primary source of news: 50. 


Реј 


Percentage who cite television ав the 


most cri 


Percentage who feel that televisi 
too simple-minded: 25. 
. 
Percentage who feel that television is 
anti-Christian: nine. 


Cafeteria heaven in Tribeca. Supper menu. 
served from one to three am, features 
French-American cuisine. the steak 
Frites while watching the stars come out. 

Why not tell After Hours where to cat 
late in your city? 


EGG DROP 


No wonder the Rhode Island £ 
Design was once home to Martin Mull, 
‘Talking Heads members Tina Weymouth 
and Chris Frantz and a scrawny concep- 
tual artist named David Byrne. It's an 
unusual school. ‘Traditionally, its only 
athletic organization has been a ne'er-do- 
well hockey team called The Nads. (“Go, 
Nads!” their fans love to yell.) The ap- 
parel-design show cach year features such 
fashions as a bagel bikini and a wedding 
dress made from plastic spoons. And 
freshmen get credit for throwing eggs oll a 
building. 

It’s an assignment called the egg drop 
Using nothing but glue, an 18-inch square 
of cardboard, eight pieces of pine lath and 
four yards of string, students must con- 
struct a package that will not only keep a 
dozen eggs from breaking when dropped 
from a four-story building but make an 
attractive sculpture as well. Among last 
spring’s spheres, pyramids, sawhorses and 
boxes were a structure with two copter 
blades that spun in opposite direction: 
pagoda with an enormous roof 
thing that looked like a paper F 
cr. One artist, however, just tossed over 
the supplies and pelted the ground with 
his eggs. He was into Dada. 


OCTOBER SUDS 


“Chis fall, liquor stores all over have 
stocked up on a beer called Oktoberfest 
Brew. It’s a marketing fad among small 
breweries and is sold under many labels 
But besides being a homage to the famous 
Munich tradition, just what is it? Randy 
Sprecher of Sprecher Brewing Company in 
Milwaukee says that his fest brew is 
hardy beer with strong malt flavors 
fruity, hoppy nose.” He says Oktoberfest 
undergoes a longer fermentation than other 
beers—which results in a higher alcohol 
content. If this beer catches on, we predict a 
new tradition: the Novemberfest hangover 


JUST SAY BOO 

One afternoon on the Poltergeist HI set 
in Chicago, the crew was heard chanting, 
“More crack! More cracl The crack in 
question was actually supercool liquid ni- 
trogen, which is commonly used in films to 
create a spooky atmosphere. Hollywood 
humor, we guess. 


THE UNTHINKABLES 
We wonder, What will The Untouchables 
be called when it's released in India? If the 
movie keeps that title, Indians will assume 
that it stars a caste of millions. 


©1987, Minnetonka Inc. 


Actual laboratory photograph mogniñed 
ЗОТ reseed emo 
with fluorescent 


ee alt ind folie, 


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24 


By BRUCE WILLLAMSON 


ALBERT FINNEY, Matthew Modine and Kev- 
in Anderson—Anderson repeating the 
stage role he originated for Chicago’s 
Steppenwolf Theater Company—score a 
triple tour de force in Orphons (Lorimar). 
Producer-director Alan J. Pakula doesn't 
try to conceal the theatrics of Lyle 
Kessler's hit play, nor does he ask his three 
flashy actors to curb their virtuosity. 
Finney's the kingpin as a Chicago gangster 
who allows himself to be abducted and 
held in a ramshackle house in New Jersey 
by two weird brothers—one a petty thief 
(Modine) given to bursts of violence, the 
other a seemingly retarded recluse who's 
secretly educating himself with good 
books. The kidnap victim not only turns 
the tables but becomes a virtual godfather 
or kindly Fagin, showering his captors 
with cash and material comforts. What 
he’s really giving them is love, some emo- 
tional connection to help them establish 
self-esteem, and that’s the hidden message 
of Orphans. Most of it is well hidden in a 
curiously simple format that moves from 
Pinteresque menace to madcap fantasy to 
poignant tragicomedy, missing nary a 
be Such adult doses of entertainment 
are rare nowadays. While these guys may 
puzzle you some, they won't send you 
brain dead. УУУУ 

Lookin’ good and simultaneously show- 
ing engaging vulnerability in a straight 
acting role, September 1984 Playmate 
Kim Evenson takes off in Kandyland (New 
World). She's dandy as a girl who gives up 
both her boyfriend and a job in a dry- 
cleaning store to dance in a topless club, 
where she learns about llusionment, 
drugs and dirty-minded louts from a sea- 
d, burned-out stripper named Harlow 
Sandahl Bergman, who can even manage 
a dramatic nervous breakdown while 
stripping). Colorfully photographed and 
choreographed, Kandyland is a lively, old- 
fashioned B movic that provides a feast of 
flesh, then follows it up with a tidy moral 
about true love. YY 

P 

Events leading up to a 1920 massacre 
that launched the subsequent labor war 
between coal miners and company goons 
are the subject of Matewan (Cinecom) 
Adapting his own novel Union Dues, vi 
er-director John Sayles joins forces with 
cinematographer Haskell Wexler to spell 
out a visually stunning, passionately felt 
pacan to those pioneers who fought to cs- 
tablish human rights and a living wage 
for workers. Such foursquare liberal se 
timents smack more of Depression- 
era moviemaking than of the right-leaning 
Eighties, which means that Matewan may 
remind you of The Grapes of Wrath and 
other we-the-people screen classics. Chris 


home feel: 


Orphans’ mesmerizing Modine, Finney. 


Orphans comes to the screen; 
a Playmate does a star turn; 
Sonny Wisecarver lives again. 


Cooper (who looks like Harrison Ford's 
back-country cousin) plays an idealistic 
organizer named Kenehan, with James 
Earl Jones as “Few Clothes” Johnson, one 
of the blacks hired as strikebreakers, and 
Will Oldham as Danny, a teenaged miner 
who moonlights as a preacher. The com- 
pany men, of course, are decp-dyed vil- 
lains to be hissed at. Sayles is re-creating 
story as melodrama with a documentary 
feel to it, and he unequivocally takes sides. 
He also takes his time, well over two 
hours, and ph hes his own cameo 
performance as a minister friendly to the 
mine owners. Matewan is gripping, but its 
grip loosens as it gets long-winded. ¥¥¥ 
. 

The boldest and riskiest aspect of 
Maurice (Cinecom) is its unabashed ro- 
manticizing of homosexual love. E. M. 
Forster’s novel, written in 1914, when gay 
sex acts were still punishable crimes under 
English law, was not published until 1971 
and has never been considered first-rate 
Forster. The movie version (see Sex in 
Cinema) overshadows the book as social 
history with a surprising subliminal jolt of 
erotic tension. Stylishly mounted by pro- 
ducer Ismail Merchant and director James 
Ivory, the team whose fine film version of 
Forster’s A Room with a View picked up 
three 1986 Oscars, Maurice is the saga 
of a handsome, sexually disoriented Cam- 
bridge dropout developing the courage to 
admit that he's gay. James Wilby, in the 
title role, gives an impeccable perform- 
cd man driven by desires 


still considered unspeakable. His best 
friend, Clive (Hugh Grant), is an aristo- 
crat who argues that love between two 
men should remain Platonic. After Clive 
has settled half reluctantly into an arid but 
respectable marriage, Maurice finds ful- 
fillment in the embraces of a strapping 
young gamekceper (Rupert Graves) on 
"live's estate. That's the whole story 
staged without apology and with fastidi 
ous taste in a bygone era, before any bud- 
ding pederast had to reckon м AIDS. 
While Denholm Elliott, Billie Whitelaw 


and other British stalwarts uphold con 
vention entertainingly, this audacious, in- 
telligent Maurice may well give middle 
America a gentlemanly hotfoot. YVY 

is bride, who's over 21 at 
15-усаг- 


As he kisses 
the time of their elopement, the 
old bridegroom comments, “T 
much better than the ninth grade.” 
by hangs the true-to-life comic tale retold 
by writer-director Phil Alden Robinson's 
Inthe Mood (Lorimar). Back in 1944, with 
the world at war, a scxually precocious 
California kid named Sonny Wisecarver 
became a kind of home-front hero by 
running off with two older women—one 
(played with offbeat charm by Talia Bal- 
sam, daughter of actor Martin) to whom 
he was briefly married, then another sexy 
Serviceman’s wife (Beverly D'Angelo in 
the film), who simply found him irre- 
sistible. The way he's portrayed by Patrick 
Dempsey, Sonny combines boyish, goofy 
inocence with a chronic inability to heed 
his father's admonition to “keep it zipped 
and take lots of cold showers." Viewed as 
an amiable cartoon about life in the U.S. 
more than four decades ago, /n the Mood is 
casy to take, broad and sassy. ¥¥¥ 

. 


Director Way Мапе? slow-paced 
Slam Dance (Island) puts on Kafkacsque 
airs with precious little substance to sup- 
port them. Thomas Hulce, boyish 
Amadeus giggle still functioning efficiently, 
plays an L.A. cartoonist who is in trouble 
over women: His estranged wife (Mary 
Elizabeth Mastrantonio) can’t stand him 
anymore, and the police start hounding 
him after the party girl he’s been balling 
(Virgi Madsen) is murdered. Why? 
And by whom? Slam Dance has a lot of 
plaining to do and never makes any of it 
seem to matter much. My compensation 
was ogling Mastrantonio and Madsen, a 
delectable duo, and checking out the ap- 
pearance of rock star Adam Ant, entirely 
credible in a supporting role. YY 

. 

Making his debut аз a major movie di- 
rector with House of Games (Orion), plav- 
wright David Mamet ultimately sabotages 
his own crafty screenplay. Far more intri- 
cate and cerebral than The Untouchables, 


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PLAYBOY 


which he also scripted, Games is a 
provocative thriller about a scam, with 
Lindsay Crouse (Mrs. Mamet off screen) 
as a psychologiscauthor who has writte 
best seller called Driven, about obsession 
and compulsion in everyday life. The lady 
discovers the dark side of her own nature 
when she's drawn into a plot—and into 
bed—with a brilliant con man (Joc Man- 
tegna) who convinces her he'd be a suit- 
able subject for rescarch. While Games is 
farfetched, its convolutions are hypnotic— 
and might be riveting if Mamet had resist- 
ed letting his actors (Grouse in particular) 
perform in 2 deadpan theatrical style more 
appropriate for an artsy stage drama in 
blank verse. Her eyes fixed on the middle 
distance, Crouse often appears to be ad- 
dressing Destiny rather than her fellow ac- 
tors. Mamet tries hard for a kind of film 
noir artifice but winds up with his message 
buried in mannerisms. YY 
. 

Director John Boorman's resonant Hope 
and Glery (Columbia) gocs back to World 
War Two to reminisce about the tribula- 
tions experienced by one fairly average, 
flummoxed family in the suburbs of Lon- 
don, War brings both tragedy and come- 
dy to the Rohans: A German airman 
parachutes into a neighbor's garden—and 
is warned not to trample the Bru 
sprouts. While Father (David Hayman) is 
off typing to defend his country, Mother 
(Sarah Miles) discovers she likes being on 
her own and would probably have been 
happier with her husband’s best friend 
(Derrick O'Connor). Her teenaged daugh- 
ter (Sammi Davis) runs wild and gets 
pregnant by a Canadian soldier. When 
their home is destroyed, Mother and chil- 
dren take shelter with her parents in a riv- 
erside village, where her irascible old dad 
(lan Bannen in a curmudgeonly tour de 
force) curses the war, rationing, his sons- 
in-law and his four daughters, who mar- 
ried those nc’er-do-well louts. There's 
probably too much going on here for one 
movie, which meanders a bit, yet Boor- 
man might argue, with reason, that life 
like that. Atleast, his was; and the point- 
of-view character in this unabashedly au- 
tobiographical human comedy is young 
Sebastian Rice-Edwards as Bill, а win- 
some lad who responds to the befuddled 
world around him with wondrous spon- 
tancity. While it's a remarkable switch for 
Boorman, a director usually hip deep in 
swashbuckling and adventure (Zardoz, Ex- 
calibur and The Emerald Forest, to name a 
few), Hope and Glory is a warm, wisc, 
familiar but richly detailed and superbly 
played piece of old-fashioned cincmagic 
about coming of age in wartime. УУУУ 

. 


The classic romantic fantasy of a man 
and a wom: i pretty 
much deflated by Castaway (Cannon). 
Based on a book by Scottish author Lucy 
Irvine, recounting how nswered au 
ad in 1981 and became the yearlong wife- 
companion of an adventurer named Ger- 


Miles, O'Connor in superb Hope and Glory. 


A pair of British imports 
from Boorman and Roeg, plus 
the year's Trashiest flick. 


ald Kingsland, Nicolas Roeg's film version 
(sce Sex in Cinema) has a decidedly mud- 
dled point of view. Although lush and 
splendidly eye-filling, shot on location i 

the Seychelles, it’ 


Us a woman's true first 
person story recycled with a definite macho 
slant. Both gorgeous newcomer Amanda 
Donohoe (as Irvine) and Oliver Reed (as 
Kingsland) are naked, or nearly so, a good 
share of the time. Still, Castaway seems 
more teasing than erotic, since the isolated 
couple totes along enough psychological 
baggage to sink any male-female relation- 
ship. Once they're alone in their paradise, 
locked in a marriage of convenience to sat- 
isfy uptight oflicialdom, she refuses to 
sleep with him. He, in turn, becomes so in- 
dolent and boorish that she'd seem desper- 
ate if she did. Despite drawbacks, rate this 
movie inherently fascinating as a story 
of—in the heroine's words—“the ultimate 
blind date.” ¥¥¥ 


. 

People just melt away or explode in lurid 
color in Street Trash (Lightning), your best 
bet so far as the most vulgar and vomitous 
junk movie of 1987. Awarded several 
prizes in European festivals of far-out 
flicks for cultists, Trash has most of its vic- 
tims imbibing a lethal vino labeled virer 
before they dissolve. There's also a totally 
grossed-out episode about playing catch 
with а severed penis, but I won't dwell on 
gory details. Fledgling director Jim Muro, 
at 22, obviously intends to follow in the 
bloody footsteps of ‘Tobe Hooper and 
George Romero. Like those pioneers, he 
doesn’t take horror too seriously. Some hi 
rious, rude encounters between a 
cking doorman (James Lorinz) 


nda 


© the funnicst 
ү" 


Mobster (Tony Darrow) а 
bits—virtually the only bits that we 
bring out the barf bags. YY 

. 

At the very end of Norman Mailers 
Tough Guys Don't Dance (Cannon), the bod- 
ies of most of the principal characters are 
dumped into a watery grave off Cape God 
by Ryan O'Neal and Lawrence Tierney 
(who plays his helpful dad), while Pomp 
and Circumstance booms on the sound 
wack. An appropriately pretentious choice 
of musi Misdirected by Mailer and 
adapted from his own novel, Tough Guys is 
a leaden, hard-to-follow and archly acted 
whodunit that is either a wildly off-the- 
wall spoof or one of the worst movies in 
many а moon. I'm afraid, though, that 
Mailer—a major American writer but not 
onc of our leading humorists—did not set 
out to be funny. Every witticism weighs a 
ton. Unraveling the plot would consume 
pages and sound like Blue Velvet revisited. 
Just take my word that O'Neal is mixed up 
with scx, bloody murder, cocaine deals 
and an exceptionally loathsome group of 
summer people. Of the three leading 
ladies, only Isabella Rossellini survives 
undecapitated, thus avoiding burial at s 
Actors aweigh. Y 


. 
stunted lives of so- 


led 
little people against the wide-open spaces 
of God's country must be catnip to film 
makers. Latest of the breed is Stacking 


Studying the 


(Spectrafilm), produced and directed by 
Martin Rosen from Victoria Jenkins’ sym- 
pathetic but static screenplay and filmed 
amid some spectacular Montana land- 
scapes. Christine Lahti, excellent as al- 
ways, dominates the story as a farmer's 
restive wife who has to work part time at 
the coffee shop in town and knows that 
“there are whole worlds out there" in dis- 
tant places like California. Her teenaged 
daughter (Megan Fellows) is the plucky 
pivotal character who loves her dad (Ray 
Baker), a whining loser, tries to placate 
her mom and tums to a farm-hand chum 
named Buster (Frederic Forrest) in times 
of need. Stacking (the title refers to stack- 
ing hay) achieves a few poignant moments 
of truth, particularly when Peter Coyote 
whips through in a cameo role as an 
inerant photographer. ¥¥ 
. 

Back to Vietnam. May 1969. Observing 
hoary Hollywood tradition, the usual GI 
ethnic mix is assembled to conquer а 
meaningless mound of jungle rcal estate in 
Hamburger Hill (Paramount). While the 
guys fight and dic, they know they” 
mocked by shithead peaceniks back 
homc—onc soldicr’s girl solemnly writes 
that her college friends say it’s immoral for 
her to kecp corresponding with him. Herc 
we have the able revisionist view of 
the Victnam fiasco, a high-decibel, hid- 
cously graphic salute to those valiant 
dead. Professing to show “war at its worst 
by young men at their best,” director John 
Irvin and writer-producer Jim Carabatsos 


Love often comes withistrings attached. 
КА 
NON 


B 


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have a way with words, as spoken by 
grunts in dire straits, and the young actors 
do their bits bravely. But Hamburger 
Hill —except for a Philip Glass score audi- 
ble from time to time—adds absolutely 
nothing beyond blood, guts and heavy 
ammo to the growing number of Purple 
Heart epics lined up behind Platoon. Y 
. 

It has an unlikely title for a comedy 
from Yugoslavia, but writer-director Jovan 
Acin's Hey Babu Riba (Orion Classics) looks 
to the West in more ways than onc. Its 
heroes are four middle-aged men who 
meet at a funeral in Belgrade to reminisce 
about their wayward youth back in | 
when all of them were in love with the 
deceased, a beautiful girl named Esther 
(Gala Videnovic). In Nashbacks, we also 
sce how the lads learn to smoke and screw 
from a local trollop who'd give each boy 
black-market blue jeans and a cigarette 
after his | initiation, ‘The foursome of 
teenagers is a jazz combo, too, with a 
repertoire strongly slanted toward Ameri- 
can music. The movie meanders a bit in its 
transitions from then to now, but Hey 
Babu Riba overall is a rueful, charming, 

ightened charade that rises above Com- 
munist Party politics—as a boy-mect 
girl mating game played by the sa 
wrongheaded rules Belgr 
Walla Walla. ¥¥% 


from 


The brothers Taviani, Paolo and Vitto- 
rio, have turned out some minor master- 
works (The Night of the Shooting Stars, 
Padre Padrone) in their native Italy 
More’s the pity that they wind up a 
thumbs in their first English-language fe 
ture, Good Morning, Babylon (Vestron), a de- 
licious idea gone dead wrong. Babylon's 
heroes are two brothers (Vincent Spano 
and Joaquim De Almeida), artisans who 
give up restoring cathedrals in Tuscany 
and move to Hollywood to work for D. W. 
Griffith (Charles Dance) just before he 
starts filming his 1916 epic Imtolerance. 
The ragazzi also romance a pair of fetching 
extras (Greta Seacchi, Desiree Baker) who 
vaguely resemble the Gish sisters. Al- 
though picture pretty, the Tavianis’ dusty 
valentine to Movieland's pioneer era ulti- 
mately seems precious. pointless and dull. ¥ 

. 

Frankly, we wouldn't have bothered to 
check out Can't Buy Me Love (Touchstone), a 
film that has Summer Teen Fluff written 
all over it, had we not noticed Playmate 
Devin de Vasquez’ name in the credits. 
Devin is delicious as Iris, a siren in tr 
ing, but the show really 
16-year-old Amanda Pe 
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29 


PLAYBOY 


30 


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MOVIE SCORE CARD 


capsule close-ups of current films 
by bruce williamson 


Best Seller (10/87) Woods and Dennehy 
making book on some bad guys. ¥¥¥ 
The Big Easy (9/87) Catch Quaid as a hot 
Cajun cop on the take Wels 
Can't Buy Me Love (Scc review) Boy rents 
girl. Y 
Castaway (See review) An island idyl: 
Have nought to wear, will travel. ¥¥¥ 
The Fourth Protocol (10/87) Brosnan takes 
a shot with the K.G.B. Wh 
Full Metal Jocket (10/87) And now for 
Vietnam according to Kubrick wu 
Good Morning, Babylon (Sce review) Two 
Italians in Hollywood, back when. ¥ 
Hamburger Hill (Scc review) "Nam again, 
viewed from a right angle. Y 
Hellraiser (10/87) Some minor horrors 
from Britain’s Clive Barker vv 
Hey Babu Riba (Scc review) East meets 
West in a Yugo youth comedy. УЖИ 
Hope and Glory (Scc review) Brits sur- 
viving the Blitz, family s wy 
House of Games (Sec review) Give unto 
Mamet that which is Mamet's. vv 
In the Mood (Scc review) Teen Romeo 
dotes on older women. vu 
Jean de Florette (8/87) French classic 


with Montand. wy 
Kondylend (Scc review) Playmate Kim 
Evenson as a winsome stripper. YY 


Lody Beware (Listed only) A window 
dresser in jeopardy. But except for Di- 
ane Lane, no bargain at all. Y 
The Living Daylights (9/87) Dalton as 
Bond, still in the fast lane. wy 
The Lost Boys (9/87) Some beach-party 
bloodsucking in California. wy 
Matewen (See review) Mine wars. ¥¥¥ 
Maurice (Sec review) Boy-crazy boys, 
aka, Laddie Chatterley. wy 
Nodine (10/87) Basinger and Bridges as 


a couple of screwball Texans. ЖҰМА 
No Way Out (10/87) In a showcase role, 
Kevin Costner's a winner. wy 


Orphans (See review) All flash, with a 
superfine stint by Finney wy 
Rita, Sue and Bob Too! (10/87) Baby sit- 
ters take time out for Daddy WA 
RoboCop (10/87) Peter Weller's all heart 


and heavy metal. Upgraded. ¥¥¥¥ 
Slam Dance (See review) Hulce has 
a problem down at homicide. E 
Stacking (See review) Hay fever. YY 


Stokeout (Listed only) As girl-watching 
ndy 
wy 


Street Trash (* уу 
Tough Guys Don't Dance (See review) Is 
that you, Norman? x 


The Untouchables (9/87) Chicago's bad 
old days heated up by De Palma. YYY% 
Wish You Were Here! (9/87) The rise of a 
teenaged tart in Blighty: yyy 


YYYYY Outstanding 
YYYY Don't miss YY Worth a look 
¥¥¥ Good show Y Forget it 


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32 


NELSON GEORGE 


IN THE SIXTIES, Saturdays at the George 
household were cleaning days. It was my 
job to polish the living-room furniture. 
The only fun part came when my mother 
turned on our hi-fi and stacked up her 45s. 

By far the majority of singles on our rec- 
ord changer showed the orange-and-black 
label of Volt or the pale blue of Stax—the 
labels bearing sounds from the Memphis 
operation of AI Bell and Jim Stewart, who 
provided my work with background music 
by the greatest male vocalist of the soul 
era, Otis Redding, 

So it is with deep and profound joy that 
1 play over and over The Otis Redding Story 
(Atlantic), a four-record set containing 60 
songs. Collected are all the Redding-writ- 
ten standards (These Arms of Mine, Mr. 
Pitiful, Гое Been Loving You Too Long, [Sit- 
tin’ on] the Dock of the Bay), bis best-known 
covers (Sam Cooke's Shake and A Change 
Is Gonna Come, The Rolling Stones’ Satıs- 
faction), his more obscure covers (Charles 
Brown's Merry Christmas Baby, Irving 
Berlin's White Christmas, Jerry Butler's For 
Your Precious Love) and two previously un- 
released songs (Stay in School and You Left 
the Water Running) 

As ] listen today, it's clear that Redding 
In’t possess a wide vocal range and that 
he often garbled lyrics; but the intensity 
conviction, charm and humor of the man 
flow through all his work, and those cle- 
ments make his music endu 


ROBERT CHRISTGAU 


To me, the idea that reverence for the 
past is now country music’s official wave of 
the future doesn’t scem like a paradox. It 
scems like a load of shit. Neotraditional- 
ism, shmcotraditionalism— country artists 


have always invited their audiences to cs- 
cape the present; self-righteous purism is 
merely their latest gimmick. As always, 
they sometimes escape the present in en- 
ing or even revelatory ways. But up 


the work of two nonpurists whose devotion 
to their druthers predates this fad. 

Like Linda Ronstadt, Barbara Man- 
drell and Travis, Rosanne Cash is a coun- 
try-rooted interpreter who can cross over. 
Unlike them, she's Johnny's daughter, she 
writes some and she has a lot of guts. Her 
tough resolve gives her basically conven- 
ional good voice its personality —and lets 
her kick off King's Record Shop (Columbia) 
with Rosie Strike Back, good advice for 
battered. wives that all too many country 
fans necd in 1987, Cash has much more 
going for her than simple integrity, and if 
nothing else on the album equals its lead 
cut, that’s high praise for the song. 

Like Earle, Yoakam and Charlie Dan- 


We've been loving Otis. 


Classics from Otis and Elvis, 
new Dead and so-called 
neotraditionalist country. 


ls, Joe Ely is a honky-tonk man 
Unlike them, he has never pretended that 
country was his first love. Ely is a butt- 
kicking rock-’n'-roller who, with contribu- 
tions from Austin buddy Butch Hancock, 
has recorded more ace lyrics over the past 
decade or so than a y-tinged per- 
former this side of Elvis Costello, On Lord 
of the Highway (High Tone, Р.О. Box 326, 
Alameda, California 94501), the giveaway 
is My Baby Thinks She's French: “She plays 
Spanish guitar/At the сойсе bar/She's tak- 
in’ self-defense.” Guarantee you Yoakam 
and Earle (maybe not Daniels) know 
women like that. They're just too fucking 
pure to admit it. 


VIC GARBARINI 


With its chiming guitars and high, 
bright harmonies, Fire Town is the latest 
exponent of neo-Byrdsian, mid-American 
rock as practiced by Tom Petty and the 
Heartbreakers and R.E.M. At its best mo- 
ments on its debut, In the Heart of the Heart 
Country (Atlantic), Fire Town comes across 
as a clean-cut, more upbeat version of 
R.E.M.; at its worst, it's a squirrelly, post- 
punk Poco. There are hooks, harmonies 
and melodies galore and some reasonably 
reflective lyrics about life and love 
small-town America. Overall, the re: 
are consistently charming but bloodless. 

The Grateful Dead readily admit th 
their freewheeling improvisational style is 
more suited to the concert hall than to the 
studio. So it's no surprise that In the Dark 


arı 


(Arista), their first studio eflort in 
years, fails to capture the magic of those 
folksy birth-of-the-universe jams that 
have made them one of rock's prem 
live bands. The problem is that these tunes 
are the loosely structured, open-ended 
kind that are meant to unfold themselves 
gradually in concert. Clipped to a ram- 
bling three or four minutes here, they 
barely get out of second gear, but the up- 
beat Touch of Grey is an exception 


ven 


DAVE MARSH 


Dave Alvin has been the secret strength 
of two very good Los Angeles cult bai 
The Blasters, for whom he played guitar 


GUEST SHOT 


ACTOR-WRITER- producer-direc- 
tor Robert Townsend made his first 
hovie, “Hollywood Shuffle,” with raw 
talent, undiluted moxie and a fistful 
of credit cards. Now he's working on a 
second under а generous Warner 
Bros, contract, Il seemed appropriate 
lo pair Townsend with a self-made 
street-savvy rap group called Public 
Enemy. 
enjoyed You're Gonna Get 
Yours. It’s raw and makes no com- 
promises. It’s a bit like being 
New York City—the dialog has the 
whole urban rhythm. This isn’t 
dance-club-synthesizer studio mu- 
sic. Public Enemy isn’t as commer- 
cial as other rap groups. The lyrics 
are on the money about urban 
street life—they really capture 
"s going on out there, I don't 
think the album's honesty will scare 
people off—it’s reminiscent of The 
Message, by Grandmaster 
and dl pus Five. They had no 
fear of the truth, either." 


Flash 


and wrote virtually all the material, and 
which he served as guitarist and writer 
of its best song, Fourth of July. Connect 
The Blasters’ rock-a-billy and R&B roots 
to X's postpunk power and you've got a 
hint of where Alvin is coming from. 

But as his first solo album, Romeo's 
Escape (Epic), makes clear, Alvin has more 
than roots and raw nerve going for him 
He's an accomplished songwriter in the 


Ifyou think you've 
tasted them all, you're 


lime and enjoy 
= the surprise of 
ll your life. 


34 


FASTTRACKS 


| christgau | Gorborini 


George | Marsh | Young 


In the Heart of the 


Fire Town | 
Heort Country 


Grateful Dead | 
In the Dork 4 


LL Cool J | 
Bigger ond Deffer 


Otis Redding 
The Otis Redding 


| 
Elvis Presley | 
= | 


| 2 | 
اا 
10 | 10 | 8 10 


10 10 


NO LONGER WAITING ON A FRIEND DEPART- 
MENT: Although Mick, Charlie and Bill 
have reportedly confirmed that the 
Stones will record again after Jagger's 
solo tour, multialbum 
contract with V Records and his 
own solo album make any Stones plans 
look pretty iffy 

REELING AND ROCKING: Elton John has 
been talking with Sylvester Stallone about 
Rambo Hl, and he also plans to 
tour а in 1988 with Australia's 
Melbourne Symphony Orchestra. . . . Timothy 
Dalton (tbe new James Bond) will star 
in Hawks, a black comedy written by 
The Bee Gees' Barry Gibb. Gibb and Eric 
Clapton are reportedly doing the sound 
track. In other Clapton news, Poly- 
Gram will зе Eric’ 
niver а 
retrospective that will go all the way 
back to The Yardbirds. 
n the score of direc 
The Last Em- 
Roger Ба, is considering an 
Joe Strummer is 


scorin 


erar. - 
American TV role. 
scoring Alex Cox's new film, Walker. 
NEWSBREAKS: Priscilla Presleys book El- 
vis aud Me will be turned into a four- 
hour miniseries for ABC by Presley's 


own production company. . . . Artists 
with upcoming albums to watch lor: 
Thomas Dolby, Robert Palmer, Heart (great- 
est hits), the reunited Doobie Brothers, 
Madonna, Dave Moson (with Stevie Win- 
wood sitting in), Dire Straits, Talking Heads, 
a-ha and Chaka Khan. . . . Miles Copeland, 
head honcho at LRS. Records, is 
launching an instrumental-rock-album 
series called No Speak, to highlight mu- 
sidans who aren't famous for their 
nging or their music videos. Artists 
should send their tapes to the label. . . 
The Cridets have regrouped and arc in 
London recording with the help of the 


ultimate Buddy Holly fan, Paul MeCart- 
ney... . Great idea: The Oregon State 
Pen inmates put on а three-day blues 
fest this past September. Prisoners at- 
tended a roadie school and learned how 
to set up equipment, run the sound sys- 
tem and lights and produce the video 
tape of the event. The school helps the 
inmates develop a marketable skill they 
can use on the outside. . . . Prince's sis- 
ter, Tyka Nelson, has a debut album com- 
ing out in Janu Federal drug 
agents may be auctioning off some 
Beatles memorabilia that was allegedly 
among the purchases made by three 
men indicted by a Boston grand jury 
for selling 55 tons of marijuana . . . and 
speaking of Beatles stull, John Lennon 
items brought in the highest bids at 
Sotheby’s fifth annual rock auction. 
‘The music curator for the Hard Rock 
Calés bought most of them, including 
John’s original lyric sheets for Dear 
Prudence and Imagine and a pair of his 
glasses. Even Ringo's 1961 car-insurance 
policy went for $550. Ah, the price of 
fame. Nonoise, a new computer 
process developed by a San Francisco 
company called Sonic Solutions, has 
enabled MCA Home Video to rescue 
the 1968 Doors concert film from the 
garbage. Jim Morrison had ruined the 
film's sound track when he ripped out а 
mike wire, The process has also been 
used to rescue old jazz and blues 
records and even some Grateful Dead 
tapes. . . . Is Chuck Berry season. His 
autobiography is being published by 
Crown and Taylor Hackford's film Hail 
Hail Rock and Roll, starving Chuck and 
his friends Keith Richards, linda Ron- 
stadt, Eric Clapton, Robert Cray, Etta 
Jomes, Julian Lennon, Little Richard and The 
Boss, will be showing at your local the- 
ater, Proof that you can duck walk 
forever. — BARBARA. 


heartland vein of John Fogerty, John Mel- 
and Steve Earle, and he has 
cluded the best songs he wrote 
lier groups: Fourth of July, Jubilee 
Train and Border Radio. Alvin's songs are 
well crafted and they have a sense of life, 
whether he's depicting a rogue trying to 
motivate a honey to show him her tattoo 
(New Tattoo) or а workingman esplaining 
to a friend how scabbing cuts the heart out 
of their lives (Brother on the Line). 


len 


Alvin has never been a lead vocalist, so 
the real revelation here is his sing 
rough but rich. The result is rock ‘n’ roll 


that’s sometimes moving (1 Wish Jt Was 
Saturday Night), sometimes funny (You Got 
Me) and, at best, both (Romeo's E: 
Alvin keeps his roots nearby, so he 
won't mind sharing space with Elvis 
Presley's The Complete Sun Sessions (RCA), 
ich gathers on three sides all the pre 
ously released sides Elvis made for Sam 
Phillips in Memphis in 1954 and 1955. It's 
side four that expands the story, though, 
with outtakes of / Love You Because and I'm 
Left, You're Right, She's Gone, which off 
rare glimpse of how consciously crafted 
rock ‘n’ roll was even in those early days 
This is not the Rosetta stone, but only be- 
cause guys like Dave Alvin have been do- 
ing a great job translating and updating 
those Memphis experiments for years. 


CHARLES M. YOUNG 


„Joe Walsh opens Got Any Gum? (Warner) 
with The Radio Song, which, to his credit, 
is more a pacan to the creative process 
than to current play lists. Still, “How do 1 
get on the radio?” is the main question 
k themselves these days, and 
sed to answer it by pushing his 
solter, more airy direction. Un- 
fortunately, something gets lost, and Gum 
reveals only occasional hints of Walsh’s 
musical inventiveness and sense of humor 

The Call used to be the equivalent of 
a Yugo at the Indianapolis 500—singer 
Michael Been had all the moves, but his 
band had none of the power. That has 
changed with info the woods (Elektra), on 
which the musicians are finally hitting on 
all cight cylinders. On the lead cut, / Don't 
Wanna, Been twice shifts imo emotional 
overdrive with simply breath-taking re- 
sults, and the rest of the album is almost as 
hard on my oxygen supply. 

Michael Hedges has so many moves on 
the acoustic guitar that he makes electric 
ty seem obsolete. On Live from the Double 
Planet (Windham Hill), he explores a 
ber of pop standards (All Along the Watch- 
tower) and some less than standards (The 
Funky Avocado). Most inspired selection is 
Sheila Es A Love Bizarre, from which 
Hedges e: ts a haunting melody that 
gives a whole new meaning to the song. 
hat’s what cover versions ought to do. Is 
this New Age New Wave? 


num- 


о 1987; 


Real people E | 18 


+ want real taste. 


GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 
Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, 
Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy. 


R.J. REYNOLDS TOBACCO CD. "tar", 12 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method. 


By THOMAS M. DISCH 


LIKE OTHER social species, the American 
redneck evolves, and the Audubon of the 
Eighties, the man who has depicted the 
redneck in its most evolved state, is John 
Bloom, a Texas journalist who from 1982 
to 1985, under the pseudonym Joe Bob 
Briggs, wrote a weekly column for the Dal- 
las Times Herald in which he reviewed all 
those movies that other critics ignore or 


deplore—such horror/porn slicc-'em-ups 
as the Friday the 13th series and such art 
films as Bloodsucking Freaks, which Joe 
Bob declared the best re-release of 1983 
and described lip-smacking detail: 
"Doc goes to work. First he straps a bim- 
bo in a chair and pulls out all her teeth so 
‘you won't bite." Then he decides to do ‘a 
little elective neurosurgery’—power drill 
through the head while he’s hummin’ 
Marriage of Figari Sardu gets grossed 
out... so he tells Ralphus to feed the doctor 
to the nekkid lady in the dungeon. Pretty 
amazing scene, specially when they rip out 
his heart and rub it over their flesh.” Part 
of the fascination of Joe Bob Goes to the 
Drive-In (Delacorte) is just such slash-by- 
slash synopscs of so much arcane sleaze; 
but what makes Bloom's book a redneck 
classic to be ranked with Erskine Cald- 
well’s Tobacco Road is the character, or 
lack thereof, of Joc Bob himself as he cx- 
presses, Archie Bunker style, redneck val- 
ues and prejudices. Eventually, Bloom's 
weekly outrage provoked a protest of the 
Times Herald by Dallas’ black community, 
and Joe Bob bit the dust. In the 1946 hor- 
ror movie Dead of Night, a genteel ventrilo- 
quist and his evil dummy undergo a role 
reversal. It’s not a movie Joc Bob Briggs 
would have scen at a Texas drive-in, but 
it’s one of the scariest movies ever made— 
and the story of John Bloom’s life. Proper- 
ly read (between the lines), the moral of 
the Joe Bob Briggs story is, Beware of pre- 
lending to be a redneck 
become one 


because you may 


Speaking of rednecks, Barry Hannah's 
new novelette of Southern life, Hey Jock! 
(Dutton), isn't even on the dart board in 
terms of either the letter or the spi 
redneck life. This is Literature in the п 
pejorative sense, with a brace of Old Sol- 
dier heroes in the mawkish mold of late 
Hemingway and a fashionably minimalist 
plot and prose style that have been 
blenderized to produce an extraneous 
sense that something deep and dillicult is 
ng expressed. Larry McMurtry anoints 
Hannah as “the best fiction writer in the 
South since Flannery O'Connor." 


If honor 


D 
One of those writers Will 
O'Rourke, whose Criminal Tendencies ( Dut- 


At the movies with Joe Bob Briggs. 


Texas redneck Joe Bob reviews 
horror/porn slice-'em-ups; true tales 
of CIA-sponsored crimes. 


ton), though it gets dust-jacket hype from 
menu-B writers, is to Hey Jack! as only the 
best barbecued ribs are to a failed quiche. 
At 406 pages, it is as long as Hey Jack! 
scems, but the story moves like а speed- 
boat. Tendencies has more villains than 
Hannah would have the energy to shake a 
stick at, and every single one of them is a 
human being, The hero and heroine are 
perhaps a bit to good to be true, but by 
comparison with Hannah’s Papa Xerox: 
they are examples of pure photorcalism. 1 
must allow that Criminal Tendencies, con- 
sidered only as popcorn, starts to run short 
of butter and salt toward the bottom of the 
plot, but Hey Jack! lacks such enhance- 
ments altogether. So why is one of them 
Literature and the other marketed as a 
mere “memorable romp through the Flori- 
da Keys”? That is a question only E. Р. 
Dutton can answer. Well, Joe Bob Briggs 
could answer it, too, but his answer 
wouldn't be printable. 
. 

Both Elmore Leonard's Teueh (Arbor 
House) and Brian Moore's The Color of 
Blood (Dutton) occupy that vast middle 
range of the spectrum from so-so to pretty 
good. Actually, fans of Leonard may not 
enjoy Touch a whole lot, since it is far from 
his usual hard-boiled vein, being an ultra- 
warmhearted romantic comedy about a 
stigmatic saint who is redeemed from 
celibacy by the love of a good lay. So far, 
so good, but Leonard never puts enough 
spin on his narrative ball to keep you 
guessing. The ending is about as surpris- 
ing as the results of the "84 clection—and 


the same can be said for The Color of 
Blood, which is also about a saint. Moore's 
Cardinal Bem is an unblemished prince of 
the Catholic Church in an unnamed but 
very Polish Soviet Bloc country, where the 
right-wing elements of his Church are 
trying to kidnap and/or kill him. He i: 
unremittingly pious, chaste, brave and 
diplomatic, The Color of Blood represents 
less than one usually expects of Moore. 
. 

If you watched the Iran/Contra hear- 
ings, you may have come to the conclusion 
that they represented only the tip of the 
iceberg of the routine criminality in the 
Executive Offce. If you want a guided 
tour of that iceberg, check out Jonathan 
Kwitny's The Crimes of Potriots (Norton) 
Subtitled “A True Tale of Dope, Dirty 
Money and the CIA,” the book heaps up 
such a massive shit pile of particulars that 
it's hard to believe that, officially, it has all 
been swept under the carpet. Cover-up- 
wise, it helps that all the CLA-sponsorcd 
crimes reported—drug deals, moncy laun- 
ng, contract murders and traditional 
financial husdes aimed at widows and or- 
phans—took place half a world away, at 
an Australian bank whose ties to the CLA 
were systematic and pervasive but, of 
course, never a matter of public record 
Australian investigators were foiled by 
American officials’ refusal to cooperate 
The crimes of bankers lack the glamor of 
murder or rape, since bankers have the 
cleverness to appear to be fusty old paper 
shutllers. But the bankers and their friends 
at the Agency (including a handful of such 
Iran/Contra celebs as Richard Secord and 
Tom Clines) have the sleazy fascination 
and scariness of genuine gangsters, and 
Kwitny's muckraking strikes a reader- 
friendly balance between “responsible” 
reportage and page-turning excitement 
One caution: Although the Agency can't 
admit it, since its official policy is never to 
comment on its own felonies, bear in mind, 
the CIA docs not want you to read this book. 


de 


BOOK BAG 


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dy's hottest troupe, from Nichols and May 
to Belushi and Aykroyd. Many of this con- 
tinents belly laughs have come from 
Bernie Sahlins’ Windy City family tree. 

Soupsongs / Websters Ark (Houghton 
Mifflin), by Roy Blount Jr.: Blount as poet 
is as much fun to read as, well, Blount as 
Blount. This topsy-turvy collection makes 
you smile with your whole face $ 

Murder In-Law (Mysterious), by Paul En- 
n: Just thick enough to get your 
. Murder and mayhem in New 


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SPORTS 


l pdate on the wonderful world of 
sports: 


Excitement is continuing to build for the 
start of pro football, which will be getting 
under way in late December—as soon as 
the N.F.L. gets all of these cumbersome 
regular-season games out of the way- 

It’s good to see that the N.B.A. play-offs 
are down to the last 12 teams, There ought 
to be some fireworks between now and 
1991, when the 1985 season concludes. 

An idea for 60 Minutes: Do a piece on 
the only living human in the United States 
who still watches Monday Night Football. 

All along, sportswriters have known 
that scheduling the 1988 summer Olym- 
pics in Scoul is a plot to have them 
murdered. 

Caesars Palace has some interesting 
plans for the future: a championship fight 
in which the participants will actually hit 
each other, 

А recent survey of Heisman Trophy 
voters shows that at least seven of the more 
than 1000 ballots will be marked by peo- 
ple who have seen a college football game. 

No real point can be made of the fact 
that fewer people die from overeating than 
die from jogging. 

Sooner or later, college basketball will 
have to confront a crisis: how to ar- 


range a 64-team play-off for the national 
championship around Brent Musburger's 
monologs. 

There's a simple reason that there are 


now more injuries in baseball than there 
are in the N.F.L.: more contact. 

Question: When will People magazine 
and USA Today claim responsibility for the 
kidnaping of Sports Illustrated? 

A poll of N.C.A.A. committee members 
substantiates the fact that well over one 
third of them can state their correct names 
and addresses as well as feed themselves 

The Ivy League may still have the 
smartest football players, despite the fact 
that Brooke Shields was graduated with 
honors from Princeton. 

Here's how the college football pl; 
will work: ABC, CBS, NBC and 
will all stage national champion 
games. The winners of those nati 
championships will then meet on the net- 
work of the №.С.А.А 75 choice for the real 
ional championship. “This is how а 
championship should be decided.” a net- 
work spoki 
and in prime time 


nan will say, “on tele 
the way sports were 


ion 


By DAN JENKINS 


PASSING FANCIES 


meant to be played.” The eventual winner 
will be the team that led the A.P. poll. 
No word yet from any of the private in- 


vestigators who have been searching for 
Carl Lewis since the L.A. Olympics. 

It doesn't seem possible that a profes- 
sional golfer could once win a tournament 
without a logo on his shirt or cap. 

Prediction: Two N.F.L. defensive linc- 
men will be sentenced to 25 years in prison 
for tackling a quarterback behind the line 
of scrimmay 

Major-league baseball needs a trophy 
for the player whose uniform most fits 
a leotard. 

Definition of a sports nut: someone who 
can name a hockey player other than 


Wayne Gretzky. 
‘The track-and-field record that may last 
the longest is Mary Decker Slaney's in the 


3000-meter whine. 

A reunion will so: 
six television viewers who haven't tired of 
John Madden's color commenta) 

Alumni groups from the University of 
North Carolina are getting together to ask 
Dean Smith to show cause for why he 
hasn't won 16 N.C.A.A. basketball cham- 
pionships. 

Prediction: At least five football teams in 
the Southeastern Conference will ditch the 
mesh jersey altogether in favor of players? 


n be scheduled for the 


wearing no jerseys at all, with the numer- 
als tattooed on their skin. 

Idle thought: With the exceptions of Bar- 
ry Switzer at OU and Joe Paterno at Penn 
State, all of the great football coaches are 
her dead or retired. 

The editors of USA Today will eventual- 
ly be forced to confirm two rumor: 
that their sports section is a daily memo 
from CBS Sports, and two, that TV-sports 
columnist Rudy Martzke is Brent Mus- 
burger's agent. 

Question: Would you rather watch 
g on TV or pass blocking’ in the 


one, 


L? 

A suggested title for Walter By 
virs: No Thinking Allowed. 

It won't be a pretty sight when the Los 
Angeles Lakers begin to lose consistently 
and all of those Hollywood insects start 
crawling into the woodwork. 

When they build a Hall of Fame for 
sports agents, will it be located in Costa 
Rica or in San Quentin? 

With the Olympics only months away, 


s' mem- 


hospitals are crowded with mothers givin 
birth to the swimmers and gymnasts who 
will be competing. 

It's too сану to tell, but N.F.L. players 
this season seem to have a chance to allect 
the outcome of as many games as do the 
zebras. 

As soon as a good investigative reporter 
can find out who they are, the heads of all 
three networks will go on trial at Nurem- 
berg for sports announcers against hu- 


manity. 

The most даг 
still riding in a New York City taxi. 

One man’s idea of fun: not watching 
nior Golf. 

Another man’s idea of fun: getting left 
behind on a junket to the Indy 500. 

A third man’s idea of fun: never know- 
ing who wins the N.B.A. championship. 

A fourth man’s idea of fun: never know- 
ng who wins the Stanley Cup 
A fifth man’s idea of fun: rain-out at 
Wimbledon. 

A sixth man’s idea of fun: missing Wal- 
ter Byers’ retirement party. 

Best job in sports: food poisoner at an 
N.C.A.A. conventio 


[y] 


rous sport in America is 


indiane woth id 


crisp, 


When ordering vodka. сой for the bes! атто MIRNOFF VODKA BO £ 100 Prol ане 
from grain. © 1986 Ste. Pierre Smirnoff FLS (Division of Heublein, Inc.) Hartford, CT— Made in U.S A." 


WOMEN 


ust thinking about it makes me want 
joint, badly. I know, Nancy says w 

should just say no, but something tells me 
she spent the Sixties in an Adolfo suit and 
an air-conditioned room, her head under 
the pillow. But | was out—in the streets 
with the panhandlers, sleeping in the field 
at Woodstock, marching against war, 
driving a VW on acid, cadging food from 
folk singers, dancing in Day-Glo, being at 
be-ins—and now every magazine has po- 
itely informed me that it’s 20 years later, 
and I have a hankering for some grass 

Somebody once told me that if you say 
you remember the Sixties, you weren't re- 
ally there. 1 never think about the Sixties 
Really. Just like I never think about my 
childhood. Its simply that everything 1 
am right now started then. 

One day I was wearing a Peter Pan col- 
lar and a circle pin and Bob Dylan came 
onto the radio, and immediately every- 
thing I had thought was my world fell into 
a yawning chasm and I figured something 
was happening here; 1 didn’t know what it 
was, but then neither did my mother, and 
she never would, so I left home. 

Next thing I knew, I was living with an 
entire rock-n-roll band. But I had my 
own room—with purplesilk curtains, 
purple Indian spread and the mattress on 
the floor, rush matting and incense. I 
anointed my body wich lemon-verbena oil, 
wore miniskirts that barely covered my 
crotch, walked dreamily in the rain, never 
slept and fell in love every day 

Girls had simple roles in the Sixties: We 
cooked lentil casseroles and baked hash 
brownies. We changed the record once the 
guys decided whether they wanted to hear 
the new Cream or Procol Harum. We put 
mascara on draft-board-bound boys. And 
we kept explaining that it wasn’t that we 
uptight and, no, we we id of 
sex; we just didn't feel like it 

Listen, it wasn't anything like feminist 
Utopia. But I remember going to а gyne- 
cologist and being fitted with an LU.D. 
As | lay in bed, bleeding and in intense 
pain, I was happy as a lark. I wouldn't get 
pregnant! I could sleep with boys D wasn't 
engaged to! I didn't have to marry any- 
body! 

Was it only the giddiness of youth, this 
euphoric feeling of freedom, of things" 
breaking wide-open, of nothing making 
the same boring sense it used to? Or was it 
the ? Were they magic, the way we 
thought they were at the time? 

Yup, they were. My apartment is now 


w 


xti 


By CYNTHIA HEIMEL 


HIGHWAY 1967 
REVISITED 


incessantly overrun with 16-ycar-olds, my 
son and his gang. They are adorable, 
smart, openhearted kids. But there is no 
sense of joyous possibility in their eyes; 
these kids are cynical bastards—Reagan 
sucks, society sucks, the future sucks, but 
they'll play the game; they have no choice. 

Yer they get a gleam in their eyes when I 
tell them what the Sixties were like. Yes, 1 
was in the audience when Dylan started 
acoustic, finished electric. Yes, Keith 
Moon actually spoke to me once. Yes, 1 
saw Jamis Joplin, the Beatles, the Mothers 
of Invention. Yes, 1 once sat at Jimi Hen- 
drix” bedside. Yes, I sat in, marched, went 
DS rallies, heard Abbie Hoffman 
ck great jokes. 

I know what these kids pine for. They 
want the feeling that we had back then, 
the fecling that there was us, and then 
there was them—the straight people, The 
feeling that you were either on the bus or 
oll the bus. The feeling that good and evil 
were clear-cut, that those who believed 
that we should be in Vietnam and that 
guys should have short hair were evil. 
And, most important, the feeling that 
there was a good chance that we would 
win. These days, we all assume that Ollie 
North was Iying and know there's not a 
damned thing we can do about it, 

Arlo Guthrie once told me, “I remem- 
ber when you could look down the strect 


© 


and you could tell who was your friend 
nd who wasn't. There was a six-month 
period there—you knew who had a roach 
on him. He was holdin' on to it for dear 
lifc—but then you had guys who looked 
exactly like you sellin’ you oregano.” And 
1 remember the day the band and I were 
hanging around the commune and some- 
one came in with the first press kit for a 
rock band (Moby Grape) that any of us 
had ever seen. It looked psychedelic, yet it 
had been done by ad people. I believe the 
word hype was coined on that very day. 
We felt a sinking awe; we grokked that hip- 
pies (a media term we adored) were about 
to be swallowed by the maw of corporate 
America. The loopholew id found would 
scon be closed, and nobody would be 
playing guitar for the hell of it anymore. 

A couple of years ago, I was with a 
boyfriend at one of those trendy New York 
night clubs where people wear black 
leather and look bored while they grovel 
shamelessly to get into the VIP room. 
“Why do you come here? These people are 
all wankers,” he said, 

“At least they're not straight,” I 
snapped. 

“Doll,” he said, “you're a moron, You 
still think there's such a thing as a coun- 
terculture. These people would all sell 
their mothers for their big break on MTV 
The term selling out is obsolete." 

Of course, he's right. I don't have to tell 
you about the morally bankrupt Eighties; 
we're all living here. But I am here to tes- 
tify incessantly that the Sixties, contrary 
to popular belief, are not dead. Many of 
the things that we were ostracized for 
fighting for—civil rights, natural foods, 
consumer advocacy, ecological purity— 
are now commonplace. 

And deep in the heart of every 40-ycar- 
old accountant is the secret knowledge 
that he was there then, He may not admit 
it, hen ant to do anything about 
it, but he still gets a twinge of fury when 
he hears Day Tripper in Muzak, and a hid- 
den part of his brain sings, “What a drag 
it is getting old” at three in the morning 
while he’s trying to get some sleep. He 
knows what's been lost. 

And pretty soon, all those kids hanging 
around my apartment and their brothers 
nd sisters all over the country may rise 
up with a mighty hue and cry, and the 
Eighties will be over. And we can start 
having fun again " 


41 


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Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy. 


12 mo. “tar”, 0.9 mg. nicotine av. 
per cigarette by FTC method. 


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©1987 BAWT Co 


MEN 


We to know about a day in the life 
of your Playboy Men columnis? 
Hey, it’s a breeze. T go into the office and 
take a sauna, get a massage from one of the 
Playmates, drink some champagne from 
the water cooler. It makes for a tough 
morning, but I survive. 

Christie often asks me out for lunch. Hef 
calls to say hello. We laugh a lot. Then, 
along about three in the afternoon, 1 go 
back to the office and write my column. 
True, it's hard to type while the centerfold 
feeds me grapes, but 1 suller through it. 

If you believe any of the above, I've got 
some ocean-Iront property in Arizona that 
DI sell you for a song. 

No, writing the Men column isn’t one 
big party. Га say it's more like walking 
point in the jungle. There are a lot of am- 
bushers out there—mostly women—and 
they take their shots and throw their darts: 

Here are some recent hits I’ve stumbled 
into during my walk in the sun: 

* "Em going to take karate and then Pm 
to break your neck, Baber 
shing the sisterhood. You're 
trashing my revolution and everything Гуе 
worked for." 

* “Your entire life is a li 
Why do you think nobody talks 10 
you? Because nobody wants to be quoted 
in your shitty column. 

* "Antifeminist propa; reached 
an alarming high. Even my erstwhile pal 
Asa Baber has joined the band wagon in his 
ent Men columns. This depresses me 

That last quote is from Сумі 
Heimel's August Women column (^Holi- 
day Healing”). I checked the dictionary to 
make sure I got it right. Erstwhile means 
former. The dictionary says it’s an archai 
word, but I think it’s very contemporary. 

Гуе got a lot of erstwhile pals who have 
rejected me on the basis of t Гус writ- 
and published, among them cocaine 
dealers in Hollywood. certain real 
developers, a few commodities traders, the 
leadership of the Contras, executives of 
Korean Air Lin k 
spooks and зріс. 

Гуе pissed а lot of people oll with my 
writing, and PI tell you a secret: Pv 
er felt ashamed of or apologetic about my 
some people angry. 
ve to write it as Î sec it. 
nother secret that lies deep- 
er: 1r с being disliked. Under- 
neath it all, Pm just another jerk on th 
ighway of life love and 
allection, Especially from women. 


ic 


kers and boozers, 


who craves 


By ASA BABER 


ET TU, CYNTHIA? 


pecially from Супа 

Until now, Cynthia and I have done a 
good job of giving each other room, of liv- 
ing and let we. T don't think colum- 
nists should Ticker Irs amusing for a 
short time, but then it sours. So Pm not 
here to start a “Point Counterpoint.” We 
all have better things to do. But a woman I 
like a lot has just iced me out of her life and 
called me a propagandist. Vd like to tell 
you a couple of things about her. 

For several years now, Pve toyed with 
the idea of a column called “My Dinner 
with Cynthia," It would be a humorous 
column about our one evening together in 
Chicago—the only time we've really 
talked. We went to an Armenian restau- 
rant that’s a favorite of mine. Arsen, the 
proprietor, serves a mean kabob and lets 
you sit at your table for hours. 

Cynthia and I hit it off immediately. We 
laughed and chortled and shared. She kid- 
ded me, I kidded her, She fluffed her long, 
tousled hair and I sucked in my gut to 
prove that the beer hadn't bloated it. We 
talked about writing, about our divorces, 
about our children, about Playboy. 1 
thought that there was great affection and 
respect betw a strong camaraderie. 
аһа" was going 
to be a report on that evening. It was going 
to start in a way that | hoped would amuse 
ad infuriate the stunning Heimel. 
going to claim that Cynthia had been all 
over me, a lust-crazed columnist, a woman 


I was 


who threw herself at me, crawled under 
the tablecloth to get to it, moaned and 
groaned and carried on like a uymphoma- 
niac. “Please, Суп not now!" I would 
claim I'd kept saying. Then, at the end, Pd 
admit that it was my fantasy, not hers. 

I can't do that now, of course. Cynthia, 
like not a few women I know, has written 
me out of her life because of some of the 
things I've written. I write antfeminist 
propaganda. I'm her erstwhile pal. 

1 can't retract what Гус written, and 1 
don't think it’s antifeminist propaganda. 
Гус said something very simple, really: 
The empress of feminism has no clothes. 
She's as naked as Cy in the 
Caribbean, but all of her subjects are 
tentionally blind to that fact and claim 
that she's robed and sceptered and on her 
throne. I've seen through her pose. I un- 
derstand that ferninism has a strong tinge 
of sexism, a sexism that locks out men and 
creates even greater divisions in our cul- 
ture. We can all do better than that. Sex- 
ism of all persuasions is the enemy. 

Cynthia, my erstwhile sister, what's so 
wrong with that thought? And why have 
you taken such a shot at me as a writer? 
We're not even pals anymore because of 
what Гус written? Sounds familiar, Cyn. 
You'll hate me for this, but l've got to say 
it: Sounds just like a woman. 

Want to know why so many men arc un- 
comfortable challenging feminism today? 
They sec through it. They understand that 
it's a form of sexism, that it argues not for 
cquality but for superiority, not for rights 
but for privileges. But Cynthia, my dear 
kabob nibbler, men are very frightened of 
being frozen out by women. You've proved 
once again that such fears are justified. 
You've erased our friendship with a stroke 
of the key. Sort of a bitchy thing to do, 
їз” И? 

I learned long ago that it’s both risky 
and fun to walk point, You see more from 
that vantage and, unless you get badly 
inged, you get to your destination first 
And at some moment during each journey 
you have the sense that you're walking 
through unexplored territory, that you're 
living by your wits. Honestly, it’s a ball. 

OK, Cynthia, my dearest darling, Pm 
going to give you a chance to take me 
back. What do you say, huh? Want some 
paklava? 1 can't promise PH write what 
you want, but ГЇЇ let you be on top 
for a while, the way you like it. Promis 


43 


“Someone whose opinion | respect has been 
advising me to use condoms. | 
Hes the Surgeon General of the United States" 


“To quote the man directly: “The best protection against infection right now, 
barring abstinence, is use of a condom.’ 

Now, its not like | haven't heard this anywhere else, 

These days, unless you never read the papers, watch TV, or talk to your friends, 
you're definitely going to hear something about sexually transmitted diseases. 

How serious they are. How anyone can get them. How condoms can help protect 
you. Sometimes you wonder how much is real danger. And how much is just panic. 
But when the Surgeon General says something about health, I'd give it more weight. 

And act on it. Especially in this case. After all, I've got absolutely nothing to lose 
if | follow his advice. And maybe a terrible lot to lose, if | don 
Trojan condoms, the most widely used brand in America, help reduce the 
risk of sexually transmitted diseases. 


fy ale 


TROJAN 


BRAND CONDOR 


© 1987 Carter Wallace. Ine For all the right reasons. 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


Jan a 25-year-old male with a problem 
many men my age and, especially, older 
ones would like to have: The slightest 
thought, suggestion, brush or appearance 
of anyihing sexually explicit or oriented, or 
1 innuendo, brings my penis to a firm 
erection. Needless to say, when [I'm in 
movie theaters with a casual or first date, 
at a night club or simply in a social gath- 
ong friends, such a reaction is not 
the record, Lam, to be 
modest, getting my fair share of sexual sat- 
islaction from any number of women 
(though AIDS has sharply curtailed my 
behavior). What to do? From all accounts, 
there is nothing wrong with me physically 
Lam not perpetually horny but do enjoy a 
subst Should 1 just 
shut up and learn how to relax more 
often?—K. A., Chicago, Illinois. 
Masturbating to relieve sexual tension 
before placing yourself in these social situa- 
tions may help somewhat. However, for the 
most part, we suggest (hat you simply ignore 
the situation. Being overly conscious of your 
problem will only aggravate the embarrass- 
ment caused by it. On the other hand, the best 
defense is a good offense. Walk tall, or don't 
walk at all. tf you've got it, flaunt it. Arousal 
is nothing to be ashamed of. When you don't 
get erections—that's the lime to write to us, 


e 


a desired one. Fü 


antial amount. of sex. 


Aiter watching horse racing on televi- 
sion, I'd like to spend a day at the races. 
Pari-mutuel wagering has me stumped, 
though. If I bet a horse to win and it 
finishes second or third, do I win money? 
Conversely, if I bet а horse to place and it 
wins, do I get the win price? Any answers 
you could provide would be appreciat- 
ed.—W. H., Omaha, Nebraska 

In pari-mutuel wagering at the track, if 
you bet a horse to win, you collect if it comes 
in first. If you bet a horse to place, you collect 
if it comes in first or second. If you bet a horse 
to show, you collect if it comes in first, second 
or third. If you pay six dollars for an across 
the-board combination, you are actually bet 
ting two dollars to win, two dollars to place 
and two dollars to show. Consequently, if the 
wins, you'll be entitled to collect win, 
Place and show money, If the horse places, 
you get place and show money, and if u 
shows, you collect only that money. To help 
you understand the ins and outs of betting, 
we suggest that you take a knowledgeable 
friend to the track with you for your first few 
visits. You ll not only increase your enjoyment 
of the sport but also increase your odds of 
winning; that, or of losing a friend. 


hor 


V have two questions about the women's 
lib position (man lying on his back and 
woman sitting on his penis). First of all, 
my husband has quite a large penis: When 
erect, it measures an average of ten inches 


(no exaggeration. I got out the tape meas- 
ure). Second, we usually get pretty wild 
during intercourse. Sometimes, while in 
the position previously mentioned, 1 can 
sit straight up, while at other times it 
causes discomfort and I have to lean for- 
ward to enjoy it. Could this be caused by 
my menstrual cycle? My second question 
has me somewhat concerned. With my 
husband's penis being so long and our tend- 
спсу to get wild, I was wondering if the 
deep penetration of the women's-lib 
position—or any other, for that mauer— 
would cause physical damage to my 
female organs. | know there aren't that 
many women with this problem, but for 
the sake of us lucky few, I suggest that 
my questions and your answers be pub- 
lished.—Mrs. B. L., Salt Lake City, Utah. 

Occasionally, the angle of penetration can 
allow the penis to graze the cervix, which 
feels like a hard bump of tissue at the base of 
the uterus. The cervix is sensitive lo pressure, 
which can cause pain or discomfort in some 
women. The cervix changes position during 
arousal and with the menstrual cycle, which 
also helps explain why it can't always be felt 
during intercourse. If a particular position 
causes you discomfort, you should adjust it 
accordingly. If pain persists, you may have 
some type of pelvic disease, See a doctor for a 
complete exam. 


WI, girlfriend has persuaded me vo take 
her to Maui on vacation. I say persuaded 
because I'm envisioning a week in a high- 
rise condo and some phony luaus. Can 
you suggest something offbeat that might 
get us away from the crowds?—M. G., 
Denver. Colorado. 

Well, we could tell you about riding horses 
through an upcountry meadow and along 


the sun-struck beach north of Kaanapali. Or 
about the whale-watching excursion that took 
us within hailing distance of a humpback. 
But for us, the real high point of a Maui visit 
is all downhull—specifically, а 38-mile 
downhill bicycle tour that starts at the top of a 
10,000-foot volcano and ends up several 
hours later in a seaside village overrun with 
windsurfers. Several companies on Maui 
offer these excursions, which are relatively 
new and are the hottest thing to hat the island 
since Kitchen Cooked potato chips (so be sure 
to make reservations well in advance). Two 
oulfils we can recommend are Cruiser Bob's 
(808-667-7717), which started it all, and 
Maui Doumhill (808-871-2155). Both 
charge about $80 for the trip and caver the 
same ground. Riders can sign up for a pre- 
dawn excursion, which gels you to the top of 
Haleakala in time to see the sun rise over the 
Pacific, or a morning tour that includes 
lunch. In either case, youl get a narrated 
van ride up the mountain, a heavy-duty one- 
speed coaster bike with drum brakes, a helmet 
and a windbreaker (it can get cold up there). 
Groups ride single file down a series of 
switchbacks and long straightaways, past ter- 
rain that ranges from treeless moonscape up 
top to grassy meadows, pine and eucalyptus 
forests, pineapple fields and, finally, tropical 
vegetation—and, in our case, a wild peacock 
m а tree. In 38 miles, we had to pedal only 
once, H wasn't easy, but it beat eating the poi 
al the luau. 


Wo response to the letter from S. С. in 
Boston, Massachusetts [The Playboy Advi- 
sor, July], my gal is also very flexible, and 
we've devised some interesting positions. 
(1) Have your girlfriend lie flat on her 
back on the floor; bringing her legs and 
hips upward and over, she should be able 
to touch her knees to the floor by her head. 
In this position, you should be able to en- 
ter her, with the added pleasure of her hav 
ing a ringside view of the action. (2) You'll 
need two chairs and two lengths of rope 
(length determined by your girlfriend's 
ability to do a split). Tie the legs of the 
chairs together so they cannot move be- 
yond the split she will be doing on them 
Have her face you as you lie flat on 
the floor. She should do some splits on the 
floor to limber up and then do them on 
the chairs; you reach up and help her 
bounce down to your waiting hard-on. It 
takes a little practice, and be careful not to 
pull any muscles.—E. J., Cedar Rapi 
Towa. 

Gee. It's time to renew that membership in 
our health club. Your suggestions stretch more 
than the imagination. 


The payment book on my old car is ge 
ting thin, so Im about ready for a new 
one. I may just trade the old sled in for 
minimum hassle, or I may sell it myself or 


45 


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even keep it. What are you 
tions?—D. F., Dallas, Texas. 
Keeping your old car as a backup or a 
“heater” may be a good idea if you have the 
room—and the time, patience and money lo 
keep it running. But you'll end up with 
nearly twice the insurance and registration 
cost, plus a falter “downstroke” and more 
painful payments on your new car. Unless 
it's a sentimental keeper or a future collector's 
piece, we don't recommend it. On the other 
hand, selling it yourself can be time consum- 
ing and troublesome. Good classified ads can 
be costly; you may get calls at all hours, and 
you may get some flakes coming by to look and 
drive who have no intention—or means—to 
buy. Still, you can usually get much more 
($1000-$2000 more, on the average) from 
the right private party than you can from a 
dealer. Try this: Make whatever. minor 
repairs are needed without spending a lot of 
money, make them yourself, if possible, and 
clean the car until it’s spotless inside and out 
and under the hood. Determine a fair ashing 
price, with a little room for negotiation, by 
consulting price guides (“Kelley Blue Book,” 
the “Black Book,” “NADA Used Car Price 
Guide,” available at banks, savings and 
loans and libraries) and checking out ads for 
similar cars. But don't expect to get full retail 
“book” value unless your car is in high 
demand and exci Place 
your ad in the best local classified market 
(even though it may be the most expensive), 
make it descriptive and appealing and con- 
sider using your work phone number to avoid 
fielding calls at home. 1f the response is dis 
appointing, drop the price and try aguin. 
When showing the car to prospects, be honest, 
friendly and courteous. By all means, ride 
along when they lest drive (or you may never 
see your car again) and point out important 
Jeatures; but don't scare them off by oversell- 
ing. Is all this worth it? That's up fo you. 


ptional condition 


Whe a condom and avoid contracting 
AIDS. But h emale 
partner should be the one to remove the 
condom from the penis? Since the condom 
alter withdrawal will be covered with v 
nal fluid, the male partner should touch 
the condom only if he is wearing si 
gloves. Am I on the right track in my 
inking?—L. K., New York, New York. 

Technically, you are correct. One brand of 
condoms, called Mentor, actually comes with 
an applicator hood, to help in putting on and. 
taking off the condom. You could wear rubber 
gloves. Applicators and gloves are precan- 
tions worth taking if your partner is already 
infected with the virus. 1f she's not a member 
of one of the high-risk groups, there's less 
need for such elaborate precautions. Simply 
washing after removing the condom will also 


help. 


Several years ago, my roommate and I 
had just graduated from a Bay Area univer- 
sity. We were going out for a Friday night of 
fun in the city. We went to a hot singles bar 


and met a pair of ladies about five years 
our senior. As the evening progressed, we 
went back lo their place for an enjoyable 

ing of hot tubbing and sex wee! 
and I were back 
the city for another Friday night of fun, We 
ran into one of the ladies from the hot-tub 

i fate would have it, my ex- 


firm, in the same buildin; 
‚ot his supervisor, shi 
gement. Since there м 
ers present, I did not reintroduce myself 
nd her of our previous meeting. | 
could tell that she recognized me, but she 
said nothing directly to me. I real 
the situation is dillicult: А repeat of th 
hot-tub evening would be fantastic for me 
but carcer sui my ex-roommate 
Under this situation, who should make 
the suggestion and what should it be? 
К. M., San Jose, California. 

Get the name of the woman from your ex- 
roommate and call her at work. Explain that 
lact prevented you from saying, “I didn't rec- 
ognize you with your clothes on.” Ask her out 
for lunch. Review old times. If your ex-room- 
mate is reluctant to re-enact the ménage à 
quatre, why not propose a duel or a trio? 


she is 


ma 


or rei 


zc tha 


cide foi 


V have several questions pertaining to a 
gentleman's wearing of rings. First, should 
a ring such as a college ring be worn on 
the left or the right hand? Second, should 
such a ring's words and design be oriented 
so that they can be read by the w 
by someone sitting opposite him?- 
Berkeley, California 

There are no rules governing the hand on 
which a gentleman should wear a college 
ring. Wear it on the finger on which it feels 
most comfortable. Normally, the design is 
meant to be seen by the wearer, rather than by 
someone silting opposite him. 


IL. me offer this as a piece of advice, for 
what it is worth. I had been trying to get 
on to a lovely red-haired girl for many a 
moon, taking her to dinner and such, but 
she had continued to demur. Finally—l 
t know how the idea suddenly came 
into my head—when we were at the 
ch, Î suggested that she look under the 
longue on which I was lying 
down, to sce what she could find. The sup- 
portive fabric of the thing consisted of 
tough transverse plastic straps that were 
separated cnough for me to put something 
through, As it happened, it was partially 
draped with a big beach towel, cutting off 
people a 
few paces farther down the beach. The girl 
blushed to her car rims delightedly, as 
only a redhead can do, and plunged under 
there with the enthusiasm of a keen auto 
under a finc race car. I 
k to pretending to read my War 
intent and focused 
, Very soon, not to 
moan. | had before realized how 
deeply a girl could ta her 


arer OF 


T.C 


doi 


the view of the underside fro 


ace, miming 


mouth. She told me that what broke the 
dam, so to was the exciting 
prospect of bringing it off surreptitiously in 
public and, at the same time, more or less 
having a man, in a sweet way, at her me 
cy. | have seen cartoons, of course, involv- 
7 administering blow jobs under 
ned restaurant tables, but th 
side approach had never belore ос 
curred to me, It is an excellent way ol 
reaching an accord between masculine de- 
sires and the fantasies of many women 
And accord, rather than exploitation, is 
pleasure in sex I like.—J. W., Manchester, 
'onnecticut. 

War and Peace" has always worked. for 


us 


There is a problem with the audio tape 
that I use in my beach-front condominium 
in Puerto Rico. I suspect that the moisture 
in the air is somehow affecting them. Afier 
I have had them in a closed cabinet for 
about six months, I get a very raspy 
almost whistling quality when the tape is 
played. I have tried silica gel, but it has 
not been effective. Do you know any way 
that this can be prevented; once it has 
happened, is there any way to restore the 
tape—J. A., Trenton, New Jersey 

The noise problem you describe appears to 
be heat-related rather than moisture-related, 
A common problem with cassette lapes is the 
loss of high frequencies due to heat, humidity 
and age. A six-month-old tape is not old, but 
exposure lo humidity and high heat can erase 
Jrequencies above 10.000 cycles. Those fr 
quencies would be replaced by noise similar to 
that of EM interstation noise; mixed with the 
remaining high frequencies, it would pro- 
duce а raspy sound upon playback. 

The tapes that have been damaged cannol 
be restored; but the damage can be prevented 
by keeping the tapes in a cool, dry en- 
vironment—air conditioning is ideal, You 
might also try a different type of tape. Melal- 
oxide tapes will not lose high frequencies as 
easily and will hold the signal much betle 
You'll find that the metal tapes offer improved 
performance and last much longer in your 
environment 


В... on two occasions, 1 m 
tained an erection for about thi hours 
without any release, due to my girlfriend's 


ain- 


unwillingness for us to shed our clothes 
strated penis eventually subsided 
I went home. My question is, Is 
ited so 


My 


whi 


there any health risl 
long and not finis 
S. T., Philadelphia, Pennsyl 

Prolonged sexual stimulation without 
orgasm can cause a condition in the male 
known as blue balls. This is a congested, achy 
feeling in the testicles that can be alleviated 
through ejaculation. H is a temporary condi 
tion and nothing to be concerned about. 
Repeated or prolonged sexual stimulation 
without orgasm can also cause a congested 
feeling in the prostate gland, but this, loo, 
can be alleviated through orgasm. So, unless 
your girlfriend plans lo arouse you and then 


47 


PLAYBOY 


48 


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frustrate you for the rest of your life, chances 
are you really have nothing lo worry about in 
the way of health risks. A good ejaculation, 
whether induced by masturbation or by other 
means, will “flush out" most of your prob- 
lems. Your primary concern, we think, should 
be your mental health in this situation. 


F have tong been a collector of Playboy (1 
have all but 12 issues) and have always 
taken good care of my copies. Recently, 1 
read that individual copies should be 
stored in Mylar bags that conform to the 
magazines size. Can you give me an 
address to which I might write for this 
product? T am presently keeping my older 
cid-free boxes, but I like this 
dividual protection. 0 5 
Lynchburg, Virginia. 


issues in 


idea of 


Mylar bags are available in most station- 
ery and art-supply stores. As Mylar is inert, it 
will help preserve your collection without any 
chemical leakage into the paper itself. 


Äh response to the letter from R.W.B. of 
Rapid City, South Dakota, on how to 
change the taste of his semen (The Playboy 
Advisor, January): I love giving head to 
my boyfriend, but for an added treat, 1 
sometimes pour amaretto into a small 
brancly snifter. I sip it while we talk. As we 
get down to business, 1 dip my finger tips 
into the amaretto and drip it onto his nip- 
ples and lick it off. 1 do the same thing to 
his cock. Often, he puts his fingers into the 
glass and 1 alternate between sucking his 
fingers and sucking his cock. I call him my 
Amaretto Popsicle. It certainly is funi— 
Miss B. C., Troy, New York 
Thanks for the lip. 


When reaching an orgasm with my 
partner, I always voice loudly—you might 
say yell or sere 
pleasure of ejaculation. My present girl- 
friend cannot understand why I do this, 
and she thinks I am putting on an act and 
being a silly idiot. I have tried to stifle my- 
. Tve tried biting my 
tongue or my fingers, putting my hand 
over my mouth or burying my bead in a 


—my delight at the 


self but to no 


а 


pillow. Do I have a problem and, if so, 
what can Î do about i2—N, G., Oklaho- 
ma City, Oklahoma. 

We think you should scream away. Many 
people are vocal to varying degrees when they 
reach orgasm. If your girlfriend has difficulty 
accepting. this trait in you, perhaps you 
should start looking for another partner 


AU reasonable questions—from fashion, 
food and drink, stereo and sporis cars to dating 
problems, taste and etiquette—urill be person- 
ally answered if the writer includes a stamped, 
self-addressed envelope. Send all letters to The 
Playboy Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. 
Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Hlinois 60611 
The most provocative, pertinent queries 
will be presented on these pages each month. 


El 


>, E 
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ТИ 


DEAR PLAYMATES 


The question for the month: 
What's the best kind of first date? 


Ё like a guy who is mysterious. 1 don't 
want to know too much at first. ] want to 
figure him out. I can be pretty demanding 
and I can come on too strong, so I 
first date to go 
nice and slow 
to see how he 
reacts to me. 
Then, if t 
are going well, 
l can loosen 
up, get crazy 
and just be 
Rebecca. 1 like 
a first date that 
is a whole day. 
Lets take a 
ride, go to the 
beach, have lunch, see a movie, have di 
ner, go dancing. I love to dance and I like 
a lot of people around me. If the first date 
goes well, maybe some cuddling on the 
second date. I love to cuddle. 


mec 


REBECCA FERRATTI 
JUNE 1986 


The best kind of first date is the kind 
that’s low-key enough for conversation. 
Initially, I'm trying to get to know the 
man and I don't like to go somewhere with 
loud music 1 
have to scream 
А nice, 
quict dinner is 
good. If the guy 
really wants to 
impress me, 
roses are great 
But the talking 
is the most 
important part. 
If you can find 
out enough 
about him and 
he about you, both of you will know if 
there is any reason to consider a second 
date, You have to have information and 
impressions to build on 


Fria Crd 


LAURIE CARR 
DECEMBER 1986 


Ba invite him over to my new apartment 
for a glass of wine, and if we hit it off, we'd 
go out to dinner. I love dark, romantic 
restaurants. We'd enjoy dinner and talk. 
Then we'd go somewhere crazy. That's the 
fantasy date. Let me tell you about a real 
first date. 1 met 
a guy who 
races with 
Suzuki, I'm 
Miss Suzuki, so 
we'd toured 
together doing 
promotions. We 
never went out, 
though we 
were attracted 
to each other, 
because [ had 
a boyfriend. 
When I got unattached, I called him from 
Palm Springs. He lives in Texas. I said, 
“God, it’s gorgeous out here.” He flew out 
tosee me and we went to San Francisco for 
a couple of days. He came back down to 
L.A. with me and stayed for two weeks. It 
was a great first date, and we're still seeing 
each other. We went to Italy together. Not 
too many first dates last two weeks 


LUANN LEE 
JANUARY 1987 


В don’t like the phrase first date. I get very 
nervous and self-conscious. But if I meet 
someone some other way and it develops 
into a first date after we've known each 
other for a while, that’s wonderful. The 
man Pm seeing 
now started out 
as a business- 
lunch date, We 
were trying to 
talk business 
when we real- 
ized that some- 
thing quite 
different was 
going on, We 
arranged to 
meet again and 
then again. A 
stranger is different. | don't know what 
sort of person he is; I don't know why he is 
asking me. He may take me to a restaurant 
where my vegetarianism is a problem. He 
may take me dancing when [ don't like 
anyone to watch me dance. Does he expect 
a kiss? It’s all too confusing 


Minsa Foder 


MARINA BAKER 
MARCH 1987 


F tike to be wined and dined and go to nice 
places with a gentleman. I love roses. A 
single rose is special. I like a down-to- 
earth man. I don't want him to put on an 
act. I hate it 
when a man 
won't talk. And 
I also hate it 
when he talks 
too much about 
himself. I went 
out with a 
model once and 
he talked about 
himself. 1 like 
to go look out 
on something. 
Maybe after 
dinner, we'd go sit somewhere with a view 
or go out on a boat. I like to watch people 
and the passing scene. I like to see what's 
going on and I like that curiosity in a guy, 


Кк 


KYM PAIGE, 
MAY 1987 


M ок a first date should be a lot of fun 
and not be taken too seriously by either 
person. I’m not someone who dates much 
and I’m very selective about whom 1 let 
into my life 1 
usually pick 
men I already 
know and have 
reason to think 
Pm going to 
like. On a first 
date, I like to 
do something 
we both know 
how to do. This 
is not the 
moment to try 
a brand-new 
activity, like miniature golf or something 
that may make either of us look vulnerable 
or silly. A first date should be light and 
generate no bad feelings. 


Ya sesos 


JULIE PETERSON 
FEBRUARY 1987 


Send your questions to Dear Playmates, 
Playboy Building, 919 North Michigan Ave- 
nue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. We won'! be 
able to answer every question, but we'll try. 


51 


PLAYBOY FORUM 


TAKING A BYTE OUT OF PRIVACY 


By Janlori Goldman 


A police officer pulls you over for 
failing to signal a turn, He docs a rou- 
tine computer check and finds that 
you're wanted in Los Angeles for mur- 
der and robbery. You protest. The po- 
hice don't listen. Their records tell them 
that you have committed the crimes 
You spend live days in jail until a 
fingerprint check proves that vou are 
innocent. 

Think that couldn't happen to you? 
Think again. It happened t0 Terry 
Dean Rogan in 1982. Rogan, a Michi- 
gan resident, lost his wallet while visit 
ing Detroit—and his life hasn't been 
the same since. His 1.D.s were obtained 
by Bernard McKandes, who then trav- 
eled the country under Rogan's name, 
committing two murders and several 
robberies. 

Rogan repeatedly requested that the 
Los Angeles police correct his records. 
They didn't Rogan was wrongly ar- 
rested—and jailed—five times. 

б 

The FBI's National Crime Informa- 
tion Center (NCIC) is a computerized 
central repository that provides 64,000 
criminal-justice agencics with informa- 
tion. The NCIC operates an indexing 
system known as Triple I that makes 
it possible for local law-enforcement 
agencies to receive criminal-history 
records from other states. Triple I acts 
as an FBl-run national data bank on 
individuals. The NCIC handles on ay- 
erage 540,000 transactions a day. In 
fact, many police cars are equipped 
with computer terminals that give 
officers immediate access to those files. 
Processing of an inquiry by the NCIC 
takes about a second. The FBI advises 
that “routine inquiries should be made 
on every person - . . encountered by the 
criminal-justice community,” 

The NCIC is not regulated by 
statute. In fact, the FBI has strenuously 
resisted every Congressional effort to 
pass legislation that would regulate the 
collection and dissemination of NCIC 
information 

In June 1987, an FBI Advisory Policy 
Board met i 
function of the NCIC—and it proposcd 
a sweeping expansion of the system. 

The board approved proposals to 
give the NCIC instant access to vari 
ous Government data bases, including 
those of the Internal Revenue Service, 


Seattle to discuss the 


the Immigration and Naturalization 


Service, the Social Security Adminis- 


tration, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco 


and Firearms, the Federal Corrections 
System, the State Department Passport 
Office and the 


Commission, It also approved pro- 


Securities: Exchange 


posals to create a comprehensive sys- 
tem to track and survey anyone even 
suspected of a crime. 

Although investigations are ofien 
based solely on tips and allegations, the 
board did 
that there be “reasonable suspicion" or 
“probable cause” before a name is en- 
tered into the system, 

The proposals reflect a drastic de- 
parture from the current NCIC system, 
which mainly contains information 
(though a significant percentage of it i 
inaccurate or incomplete) of public 


nclude any provision 


record. 


The American il Liberties Union 
that this expanded system 
would permit local law-enforcement 
10 use the NCIC to surrepti- 
y track the movements of almost 
any citizen of interest to law-enforce- 
ment officers. Indeed, during the Vict- 
nam war, the FBI used the NCIC to 
track antiwar and civil rights demon- 
strators. When this came to light, 
it was condemned by Congress 
and the public and the system 
was dismantled. But the po- 
litical climate has changed 

In fact, more than half ; 
of the record requests to 
the FBI's 
history files are for 
noncriminal-justice 
purposes, and em- 
ployers are now 


claims 


crim 


to them. Any 


pushing to gain acces 


run-in with the law is felt to stigmatize 


an individual. An arrest record, even 
when there is no conviction—as is true 
as much as three quarters of the time 


can adversely affect one’s opportu 


ties 
for employment 

Even former EBI Director William 
Webster questioned the wisdom of ex- 


panding the NCIC, He testified bek 
the Senate Judiciary Subcommitte 


on 
Security and Terrorism in 1984, “I 
think we have to look very closely at in- 
formation where somebody says, ‘Well, 
he pals around with the wrong kind of 
people. That kind of file v 
lot of mischief. Earlier that year. 
he rejected the notion of automatically 
adding a file "because it would be nice 
to have a file.” 

The vice-chair of the Advisory Policy 
Board of the NCIC disagrees, saying. 


“If the technology is available, why not 


cause us a 


use it?” 
Why not? Because if these proposals 
are adopted, if this technology is used, 
it will put individual privacy and liber- 
ty in grave danger and the records of 
your personal affairs into the hands of 
thousands of law-enforcement officials 


Janlorı Goldman is acting director of 
Ihe American Civil Liberties 


Union Project en Privacy 
and Technology. 


R E 


TELEVISION VIOLENCE 

Your editorial "Praise the 
Lord and Pass the Popcorn" 
(The Playboy Forum, August) 
portrays the National Coal 
on Television Violence as a right- 
wing religious group in favor of 
censoring violence. You should 
know better. The right-wing 
zealots love violence in all forms. 
In fact, in the March Forum, you 
point out that CBN has morc vi- 
olent shows than any other tele- 
vision network. 

We are disappointed that 
Playboy would come out on the 
side of violence. Wc believe that 
repression of sexuality does enor- 
mous harm to society and is a 
major cause of crime and vio- 
lence. But we also believe that 
continual exposure to violent 
language and images takes a 
severe toll on hopes for a peace- 
ful future 

Susan and John Mauldin 
Pueblo West, Colorado 

We do not portray the } TV 
as right-wing zealots; on the con- 
trary, the point of the editorial is lo 
show that censorship can appeal lo 
liberal zealots as well The an- 
fiporn movement came out of the 
radicallbiberal factim of the femi- 
nist movement. Just because you're 
liberal doesn't make it right. 


Your editorial about the Na- 
tional Coalition on Television 
Violence really hits home. If vou 
think that anüviolence groups 
have it in for Disney, check out 
what they ve done to Warner 
Bros. and their classic Bugs Bun- 
ny cartoons. 

I grew up watching and enjoy- 
ing these cartoons, and I occa- 
sionally watch them now. Бус 
noticed that they have been cut 
to the point of mcaninglessness. I 
naively thought that they had 
been cut to allow time for more 
commercials. Wrong! They were deemed 
too violent by a group that pressured the 
major networks into censoring them 
Great, huh? With everything else that's 
wrong with the world, people have to go 
after Bugs and the gang. 

Michael J. Satterfield 
Round Rock, Texas 


Adult films are clearly marked in video 
stores and generally are not rented to 


FOR THE RECORD 


WE LIKE THE BEAT, 


BUT CAN YOU DANCE TO IT? 


Picture a 13-year-old boy sit 
room of his family home doing his math assignment 
while wearing his Walkman headphones or watch- 
ing MTV. He enjoys the liberties hard won over 
centuries by the alliance of philosophic genius and 
political heroism, consecrated by the blood of mar- 
tyrs; he is provided with comfort and leisure by the 
most productive economy ever known to mankind; 
science has penetrated the secrets of nature in order 
to provide him with the marvelous, lifelike electron- 
ic sound and image reproduction he is enjoying. 
And in what does progress culminate? A pubescent 
child whose body throbs with orgasmic rhythms; 
whose feelings are made articulate in hymns to the 
joys of onanism or the 
bition is to win fame and wealth in 
drag queen who makes the music. In short, life is 
made into a nonstop, commercially prepackaged 
masturbational fantasy. 
—From the best seller The Closing of the 


g of parent 


American Mind, by Allan Bloom 


ing in the living 


E R 


autopsies or animal killings. It's 
not proven that watching ex- 
tremely violent films causes 
harm, but what harm is there in 
regulating—to minors—the sale 
or rental of such films? 

J. Welch 

Dallas, Texas 


VIOLENCE, VICTIMS 
AND VENGEANCE 
Scveral years ago, Clint East- 

wood was asked if people went to 
see his Westerns for their vio- 
lence. He answered, “No, it’s not 
the violence they come for, it's 
the vengeance." 1 believe that is 
truc. The predominant theme in 
almost cvery violent movie is a 
settling of the score—Old Testa- 
ment justice rather than New 
Testament forgiveness. The pop- 
ularity of these movies stems 
from the fact that there is no am- 
biguity as to right and wrong. In 
the real world, we seldom see 
fairness meted out. Secing evil 
defeated is an exhilarating res- 
pite from reality. A necessary 
component to these movies is a 
powerful and evil у The 
most efficient dramatic device for 
establishing that villain 15 for 
him to victimize someone. The 
victimizing of a woman, of 
course, more clearly denotes the 
malevolence and power of the 
antagonist. 

Douglas E. Mould, Ph.D. 

Wichita, Kansas 


IT'S YOUR LIVING ROOM 

Bravo! Your "Commentary" 
“Whose ig Room Is This, 
Anyway?” (The Playboy Forum, 
August) says everything 
wanted to say. Thanks. 

The self-appointed morality 
watchers should do what I do—I 
listen to a record in the morning, 
not to morning radio shows. 


Тус 


minors. However, this isn't true of “slice 
and dice" films. Don't you think it rea- 
sonable to mark extremely violent films, 
such as Bloodsuching Freaks, which fea- 
tures dismemberment and sexual mutila- 
tion, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, 
with an X and require that video stores 
display the rating? In Illinois, a bill has 
recently been introduced that secks to 
prohibit the sale or rental to people under 
18 of video tapes that depict human 


Charles D. Gunter II 
San Dicgo, California 


Ham-radio operators and С.В. users 
are familiar with a take-off on the 23rd 
Psalm that goes, "The FCC is my shep- 
herd, I shall watch out. . . " This version 
is appropriate in light of the FCC's recent 
meddling in broadcasting. We need the 
FCG for its technical expertise and to 
provide channel allotments and power 
generation. We do not need it to tell us 


R E S 


what can be broadcast. 
Ira D. Shprintzen 
New Rochelle, New York 


It is difficult enough to raise children 
today without shock radio's destroying 
the values that we are trying to impart 
Disclaimers at the beginning of broad- 
casts do more to attract children than to 
dissuade them from listening. Although 
adults will change the channel or turn 
the dial, youngsters delight in listening to 
something forbidden. It is not possible to 
watch children 24 hours a day. This is 
the real world, not Sesame Street. 

Bruce L. Gordon 
Waldorf, Maryland 


ANOTHER FANATICAL GROUP 

My wife and I received a newsletter 
from the Las Cruces Citizens Against 
Pornography. The following is an excerpt: 

“The June-July issue of the National 
Federation for Decency Journal states that 
the Federal Government is the largest re- 
tailer of pornographic magazines. The 
General Services Administration licenses 
more than 500 shops, and the Depart- 
ment of Defense operates 413 major rc- 
tail stores throughout the world, most of 
these stocking sexually explicit maga- 
zines: Gallery, Forum, Genesis, Hustler, 
Penthouse, Playboy, Players and Playgırl. 
Most of these have been labeled legally 
obscene. Senator William L. Armstrong 
writes, ‘Our Government has no busi- 
ness peddling porn and must get out of 
this. Our President must hear from us 
about this. " 

Please don't publish my name. This is 
a small town and I fear reprisals. 

(Name and address 
withheld by request) 

Isn't it odd that the NFD feels that the 
men who fight for our freedoms shouldn't 
be allowed to enjoy those same freedoms? 
None of the magazines listed have been 
found legally obscene. For more on this sub- 
jed, see “Newsfront," “It’s Up to You, 
Chief.” 


DEATH ROW RESPONDS 

I'd like to comment on William C. 
Randal's letter (The Playboy Forum, Ju- 
ly), in which he states that some guilty 
persons are released on “nitpicking tech- 
nicalities.” Well, let me tell you, it works 
both ways. I have spent five years on 
death row for a crime I didn't commit 
The Virginia attorney general's office 
was seven months late in filing its re- 
sponse to my habeas-corpus appeal. As 


P O 


far as the court was concerned, this was 
no big deal. Yet when my lawyers were 
one day late in filing my last state appeal, 
the Virginia Supreme Court dismissed it 
out of hand. Due to this “nitpicking tech- 
nicality," 1 may be executed without the 
court's having heard all my appeals. 
Roger K. Coleman 
Boydton, Virginia 


А FIB ABOUT FLIGHTS 

Pd like to quote a couple of para- 
graphs from the American Airlines 
AAdvantage Newsletter: 

“For years, airlines have published 
overly optimistic flight times. For exam- 
ple, a flight that normally took three 
hours was listed at two hours and 50 
minutes. They did this to attract more 
customers, since many travelers select 
airlines based on the scheduled arrival 
time. 

“As more and more airlines com- 
pressed flight times, and the number of 
flights grew, the number of late arrivals 
skyrocketed. American Airlines thinks 
enough is enough. Thats why we've 
adopted a new policy. We will publish 
only realistic flight schedules. Schedules 
based on the time it actually takes to fly a 
given route. Schedules that you can 
count on. We strongly urge other airlines 
to follow our lead.” 

Don’t you think that this is a rather re- 
markable admission? American Airlines 
lied to increase business. It is a sad day 


N S E 


when honesty is a "new" policy. Perhaps 
they'll discover that it's the best policy as 
well 


B. Perry 
Durham, North Carolina 


PUT UP OR SHUT UP 
The Parent-Teacher Association is on 
the warpath against the Recording In- 
dustry Association of America: The 
P.T.A. wants the R.LA.A. to force its 
members to completely and consistently 
label records with explicit lyrics. A 
spokeswoman for the P.T.A. said that re- 
cent unstickered titles from major labels 
showed an “appalling lack of taste” and 
that some labels seemed to be “thumb- 
ing their nose at the public." Interesting- 
ly enough, however, she wouldn't cite 
any specific examples! 
A. Dean 
Nashville, Tennessee 


BE SAFE AND SENSIBLE 
I find it interesting that we're in the 
midst of the AIDS crisis at the same time 
as the televangelists are experiencing a 
is. There is a lesson here: Whatever 
your sexual habits or religious beliefs, 
you should constantly scrutinize them to 
make sure that what you are doing or be- 
lieving is safe and sensible 
Paul Price 
Laguna Beach, California 


in Cl 


Print journalism: 
Chorles Levendosky, 
opinion-page editor of 
Wyoming's Casper Stor- 
Tribune, for columns ond 
lectures on censorship; 

Government: Borry 
Lynn, minister ond 
A.C.LU. lawyer, for his 
fight ogainst Attorney 
General Edwin Meese's 
‘Commission on Pornog- 
rophy; 

Publishing: Wolter 
Karp, historian опа 


Harper's, 


endum, 


The Hugh M. Hefner First Amendment Awards of $3000 each were presented 
go on September 17—the 200th onniversary of the sig 
Constitution. The awords were creoted by the Ployboy Foundation in 1979 to 
recognize and reward those who work to maintoin our First Amendment liberties. 


contributing editor to 
for his out- 
spoken essays on Gov- 
ernment suppression of 
information; 
Education; Glenno 
Nowell, post president 
of the Maine Library 
Association, 
efforts to defeat the 
Maine obscenity refer- 
thereby pre- 
venting the removal of 
“obscene” books and 
magazines from li- 


of the U.S. 


brories and bookstores; 

Law: Ricki Seidman, 
legol director of People 
for the American Woy; 
William А. Bradford, 
partner of Hogan & 
Hortson; ond Mary 
Weidler, executive di- 
rector of the Civil Liber- 
ties Union of Alobomo, 
for legal assistance to 
the Aloboma Boord of 
Education in its fight 
against religiously mo- 
tivated censorship. 


for her 


N 


EWS Е R ON T 


what's happening in the sexual and social arenas 


CONDOM-FREE 

WASHINGTON, DC—The Reagan Ad- 
ministration has refused to provide con- 
doms to Federal inmates, even though 
their use helps prevent the spread of 
AIDS. Homosexual acts are against pris- 
on regulations, “and we don't feel we can 
have a two-faced position” by distribuling 


condoms, says the Medical Director of the 
Federal Bureau of Prisons. There has 
been some talk within the Administration 
of establishing a prison for inmates who 
test positive for the virus, though staffing 
difficulties make that unlikely in the near 
future. Since 1981, about 300 Federal 
inmates have been found to be infected. 


OFFICIAL PROSTITUTION 

ROTTERDAM. THE NETHERLANDS— Plans 
are before the Rotterdam city council to 
open a brothel. The purpose: to get pros- 
titutes off the streets and to regulate health 
checks. The council will set hours and 
prices, but day-to-day operations will be 
left to the prostitutes’ managers. The 
brothel will house as many as 100. 


MILITARY GUINEA PIGS, 
YOU LO: 


WASHINGTON, bc — The. United States 
Supreme Court has reaffirmed a long- 
standing doctrine that prohibits lawsuits 
against the Government for injuries sus- 
tained as a result of military service. The 
case involved a former soldier who, m 
1958, had been given LSD without his 
knowledge so that Army researchers could 
judge the effects of a hallucinogenic drug. 
The veteran claims to have suffered seri- 
ous long-term problems as a result of the 


tests. Justice Antonin Scalia, in writing 
for the majority, said that vulnerability to 
lawsuits “would disrupt the military 
regime.” Justice William Brennan dis- 
sented and compared such tests on unwit- 
ting U.S. soldiers to Nazi experiments on 
human beings during World War Two. In 
a separate dissenting opinion, Justice 
Sandra Day O'Connor declared, “Con- 
duct of the type alleged in this case is so 
far beyond the bounds of human decency 
that as a matter of law it simply cannot be 
considered a part of the military mission.” 


COMPLY OR ELSE 

WASHINGTON nc — The Supreme Court 
has ruled that Congress has the authority 
to withhold Federal highway funds from 
states that refuse to legislate a minimum 
drinking age of 21. Chief Justice William 
Rehnquist, in writing for the majority, 
said that Congress may use its spending 
power to achieve indirectly what it "is not 
empowered to achieve directly,” as long as 
the action is not unconstitutional. Only 
Wyoming still permits alcohol sales to per- 
sons under 21. 


WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOM? 

ANN ARBOR, MICHIGAN Researchers. at 
the University of Michigan nursing 
school are conducting a three-year study 
of women with severe premenstrual 
syndrome to determine whether or not 
the incapacitating behavior of severe 
P.M.S.—extreme mood swings and de- 
pression, violence, suicidal thoughts—is 
linked to endorphins, the painkillers pro- 
duced in the bram. The researchers specu- 
late that because the menstrual cycle 
causes changes in endorphin levels and 
because endorphins are biochemically re- 
lated to morphine, P.M.S. may, in fact, be 
a symptom of endorphin withdrawal. Re- 
searchers previously thought that it was 
caused by hormonal abnormalities. About 
ten percent of all premenopausal women 
suffer from severe PM.S. 


ROAD HAZARD 


ALBURY, ILLINOIS—A 27-year-old man 
was acquitted of drunk-driving charges 
after his attorney explained to a two-man, 
four-woman jury that his client's slightly 
erratic driving, as observed by a sheriff's 
deputy, was due to oral sex, not alcohol. 
One male juror commented afterward, 
“If, in fact, that was happening, it could 
account for a slight wandering across the 
road and failure to dim headlights.” 


IT'S UP TO YOU, CHIEF 

WASHINGTON. D.C — The Defense Depart- 
ment is considering letting commanders of 
military bases set their own community 
standards in determining which adult 
magazines can be sold at their installa- 
tions. According to a Deputy Assistant 
Defense Secretary, “All we want is for the 
Services to apply a uniform standard” to 
decide which publications are obscene. “If 
that results in any magazine's not being 
sold, that will be the decision of the base 
commander and not of the [Defense De- 
partment) directive" Some officials say 
this is an attempt to excise all adult 
magazines from military bases and fear 
that if this policy is pul mto effect, 
antipornography groups will pul tremen- 
dous pressure on base commanders to re- 
move material that the groupsfind offensive. 


NOBEL EGGS 

CLEVELAND—The Cleveland Clinic is 
establishing an egg-donor program to 
benefit women who are unable to produce 
eggs or whose eggs carry a genetically 
transmittable disease. The eggs, surgically 
removed from an anonymous donor, are 
fertilized in a laboratory with sperm from 
the recipient's husband. As many as three 
embryos are then implanted in the recipi 
ет uterus. Donor and recipient can be 
matched for physical characteristics. Some 


people fear that the selection of the egg 
donor will be based on the donor's beauty 
or high intelligence; however, the pro- 
gram's directors discount this as a possi- 
bility. The procedure's approximate cost is 
$5000 and it has a success rate of approx- 
imately 15 to 20 percent. 


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uno DANIEL ORTEGA 


a candid conversation with the president of nicaragua about the contras, 
the revolution, baseball, poetry and why reagan wants to destroy him 


He's an enigma, a mystery, one of the 
most famous men in the world and one of the 
least known: Daniel Ortega Saavedra, 41, 
comandante of the Nicaraguan revolution, 
president of the Nicaraguan republic, coordi- 
nator of the directorate of the Frente Sandi- 
nista (Sandinista front) of Nicaragua, the 
man Ronald Reagan risked his Presidency to 
destroy. Among radical youth in Latin Amer- 
ica, Ortega is a hero—a David who helped 
overthrow the 42-year Somoza dictatorship 
and who for the past seven years has success 
fully stood up to the Yanqui Goliath. In the 
United States, he's perceived as a devil, a 
man who's inviting Marxism onto the Norih 
American mainland, a small-time potentate 
thumbing his nase at U.S. power. 

The real Daniel Ortega is hard to know, a 
shy man who has always eschewed personal 
publicity. There are no biographies available 
about him, few snapshots. Until 1981, he 
rarely gave interviews—and left public state- 
ments lo other, more charismatic Sandi- 
nistas. So who is this Daniel Ortega, the 
revolutionary our own President has called 
“a dictator in designer glasses” and а “dyed- 
in-the-wool believer in the totalitarian Marx 
ist government”? 

Real information about Ortega and the 
revolutionary regime that he heady is vital for 
Americans who want to make intelligent deci- 


“I participated in the bringing to justice—or 
the killing, if you will—of Gonzalo Lacayo. 
He was the worst torturer and murderer. Did 
the members of the French Resistance feel 
guilty about killing Gestapo officers?” 


sions about their own country's. policies. 
Much of the thrust of U.S. foreign policy for 
the past seven years has been aimed at de- 
stroying the Sandinista regime. Consider 
this: lt was to rid itself of Ortega and the 
ndinistas that the Reagan Administration 
endorsed a certain “neat idea” for channel- 
ing the profits from an Iran arms deal to the 
Contras—during a period when Congress 
had prohibited military aid to those anti-San- 
dinista guerrillas. The Nicaraguans have 
long claimed that Reagan's Administration is 
“obsessed” by them, and, as the Iran/ Contra 
hearings showed, there may well be some truth 
lo thal claim. 

After the Sandinistas took power un July 
19, 1979, Ortega was the least noticed of the 
top leaders. Most observers assumed thal the 
more charismatic Comandante Tomás Borge 
Martinez would eventually become Nicara- 
gua's singular leader, However, the Sandi- 
nistas said that power would be shared 
among a series of committees, juntas and di 
rectorates so complicated that it took a road 
map to understand them. Two years of politi 
cul chaws later, after various splits, resigna 
lions and political shake-ups, a new govern- 
ing junta of national reconstruction was 
organized, with Ortega, 36, as coordinator 

The New York Times describes Ortega's 
political ascendancy this way: “Although all 


The € 


;ontras have shown themselves to be 
criminal—bul I'm not going to say they don't 
fight. They do—and they fight hard. 1 would 
say they fight as a result of their own mentality, 
People like that fight with great fury.” 


Sandinista leaders share a common national- 
ist and Marxist ideology, Mr. Ortega has 
been identified by political scientists and oth- 
ers who study modern Nicaragua as among 
the least dogmatic members of the National 
Directorate. Mr. Ortega's rise within the 
Sandinista front has been steady. He was a 
guerrilla leader, became a member of the first 
revolutionary junta in 1979 and later be- 
came junta coordinator.’ 

Revolutions are complex, and what. the 
Sandinistas originally proposed was some 
hind of mélange of Marx, Bolívar, Che and 
Sandino mysticism. Some non-Marxist mem- 
bers of the government quit; several later 
joined the Contras; the war with Ihe Contras 
mushroomed from a skirmish to a constant 
organized guerrilla campaign; Reagan 
waged an economic, diplomatic and military 
war on the Sandinista government; the 
Nicaraguan economy was thrown mlo near 
collapse. And through it all, this ex-guerrilla 
with only a high school education, whose pri- 
mary life experiences were in prison and the 
political underground, attempted to lead his 
country. 

Ortega's critics said that he used his office 
to consolidate Sandinista hegemony over 
Nicaraguan political life; his admirers 
daimed that he held the country together 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY OSCAR CANTERA 


“I don't think President Reagan has been il- 
luminated by God. I think he's closer to the 
darkness of the Devil, But we hope the light 
arrives before he commits the insanity of in- 
vading Nicaragua.” 


9 


PLAYBOY 


through the simultaneous strains of revolu- 
tion and counterrevolulion. 

To learn more about the object of all this 
activity, Playboy's editors asked journalist 
Claudia Dreifus to see if she could get Ortega 
to sit for our “Interview.” Ortega has never 
before given an in-depth personal interview, 
though Dreifus had interviewed him as part 
of a panel of four leading Sandinistas for 
Playboy's September 1983 issue—an inter- 
view considered definitive among Latin- 
American scholars, Dreifus reports: 

“Like many reporters who have covered 
Central America, I've been fascinated by the 
image of this very shy, secretive young presi- 
dent, Almost everything Гое ever seen written 
about Nicaraguan political leaders (on both 
sides) casts them as either flawless heroes or 
vicious tyrants. The left worships the San- 
inistas; the right demonizes them. In any 
case, as I approached the government officials 
with a request for a full-length interview with 
Ortega, I found that the Nicaraguans seemed 
willing to do it. They felt that Playboy had 
been fair to them the last time around. Thus, 
after a few weeks of negotiations, phone calls 
and research, I flew to Managua. In my tote 
bag were an invitation and a tape recorder; 
Charles Roberts, a talented interpreter, was 
al my side. We were all set to do some world- 
class journalism. 

“Or so we thought. . . . 

“As any reporter who has ever been in 
Nicaragua can tell you, it is one of the most 
infuriating places in the world to work in. 
Appointments. vanish. The phones don't 
work. Even when they do, no one calls you 
back. Of course, everyone does this with great 
charm and politeness, and nothing unkind is 
ever meant. But I shouldn't have been all that 
surprised when I discovered that our definite 
appointment with the president had sort of — 
oops!—vanıshed. Well, not exactly ‘van- 
ished’; it just wasn't particularly scheduled 
Ortega, we were told, would see us—though 
no one could say exactly when. 

"If you want to gel your interview back on 
track, just tell the press office you're leaving 
tomorrow, a sympathetic colleague explained 
over Nica-Libres at the InterContinental 
Hotel bar. Jt had been four years since I had 
last been to Nicaragua and I wasn't current 
on tactics. You see, the thing is, Ortega hates 
doing interviews and tries to put them off for 
as long as possible. What he will do, finally, is 
see the reporter on his or her last night here. 
On the other hand, sometimes he doesn't see 
the reporter at all.” 

"I should have listened and made my threat 
then and there. Instead, for a week, Charles 
and I got the run-around. Sometimes, Га hire 
a laxı for an hour just to look around, to see 
how Managua had changed since I'd last 
been there. My main impression was of how 
much the war with the Contras and the U.S. 
economic blockade had affected everything. 
There were more soldiers in the streets, more 
beggars, more refugees from the countryside, 
more black-marketeers, more amputees. Ev- 
erything was sadder, bleaker, dirtier. People 
looked really worn. Here and there, one saw a 
sight particular to revolutionary Nicaragua: 


militia women in combat fatigues wearing 
stiletto heels. 

“By my ninth day, 1 still had no confirmed 
appointment with the president. It was a swel- 
tering, humid Saturday. Desperate, 1 stormed 
into the presidential press office and gave my 
ultimatum: “If I don't get lo see the president 
this weekend, I'm afraid my editor has or- 
dered me to quit Managua. Um leaving town 
on Monday—the first plane to Costa Rica." 

7 Well, why didn't you say so earlier?” said 
Ortega's press secretary, smiling. ‘Would you 
like to join President Ortega at the game to- 
morrow? It's the final day of the Nicaraguan 
baseball championship. You can begin your 
talks there." 

“Charles and I, indeed, caught up with 
Ortega there—and we saw him thereafter 
three more times. We talked at the ball park, 
at his rambling ranch house, on the road 
driving lo Matagalpa, at his offices. What 
Ortega had decided was thal he was going to 
make an interview Jor history—and he gave 
himself fully to it. 


“As bad an actor as 
Ronald Reagan was in 
Hollywood, he now com- 
pensates by being a great 
actor as President of the 

U.S., by lying to the North 


American people.” 


“Naturally, I found myself disagreeing of- 
ten with his views—Ortega is certainly no 
civil libertarian —but | was surprised by the 
openness with which he accepted my frequent- 
ly hostile questions. I felt that there was noth- 
ing I couldn't ask him and that his responses, 
though sometimes rhetorical, were genuine. 

“Aside from marathon talk sessions, Orte- 
ga let us hang out with him and catch 
glimpses of his life. One day, he showed us his 
Managua: Here was the neighborhood where 
he had played baseball as a young boy. Here 
was the place where a statue of Somoza once 
stood. Farther down the road was the house in 
which he had hid while underground in 
1976 and 1977. At one point, we drove past 
a wall with graffiti scrawled on it by the local 
Communist Party. Ortega sneered. T should 
think you're on great terms with them, I said. 
‘ot at all. They're the opposition." 

‘How come?” 

“They're too dogmatic,” he answered, re- 
fusing to elaborate further. 

“The most memorable interview day was 
our last. H began al six in the morning —Or- 
tega was driving up to Matagalpa to thank 
the coffee harvesters for bringing in the crop. 
Charles and I were to join him in the presi- 
dential minivan and we would complete our 
interview en route. For three hours, without 
ever losing a beat, Ortegu responded to our 
queries. Then we arrived in Matagalpa. It 


final game of the championships. 


looked like a scene fiom Elia Катап Viva 
Zapata": Ten thousand peasants stood in the 
sun—with red banners flying, hearing the 
president of their country thank them for their 
labor. 

““No pasarán! shouted the peasunts in 
Sandino T-shirts. "They shall not pass!” 

“The very next morning, with 20 hours of 
tape, Playboy's team headed for Augusto 
Sandino Airport—where we booked a flight 
to Mexico. It was four am. In the haze of the 
morning, as we waited to board the plane, 1 
closed my eyes, opened them again and saw 
a woman with a beard on a unicycle wheeling 
her way through the airport waiting area. 
What was tus? found out it was part of an 
all-women's circus from California that had 
come to Managua to entertain the coffee har- 
vesters. So there it was: hermaphrodite unicy- 
clists wheeling their way around an airport 
that Reagan had declared a threat to Amen- 
can security, il was surreal, magical, absurd, 
Nicaraguan.” 


[The first portion of the “Interview” takes 
place at Sandino Stadium—formerly Somoza 
Stadium—in the presidential box during the 
Its а 
crowded, raucous place, filled with Sandi- 
nista officials, bodyguards and various Orte- 
ga children. To Daniel Ortega’s right sits poet 
Rosario Murillo—lus common-law wife, а 
beauty with movie-star looks. To President 
Ortega's left are several top Sandinista lead- 
ers, including interior minister Tomás Borge 
Martinez, the only surviving founder of the 
Fre andinista—a man said to rival Or- 
tega for political power, An automatic rifle 
lies at Ortega feet. The competing teams are 
the Dantos, who have won three games, and 
the Boers. who have won two.) 

PLAYBOY: Isn't it probable, Mr. President, 
that you arc onc of the few chiefs of state 
who actually know how to use a machine 
gun? 

ORTEGA: Yes. 1 know how to usc it. 

PLAYB: What kind is it? 

ORTEGA: AK-47. Russian. 

m are you rooting for? 
But I have to applaud 
both teams. | can no longer express my 
sympathies publicly. The fact that h 
ball is being played in the middle of a war 
inst us by the U ates is another 
people, It 
iot been able 


sports, leisure activities—they go on. 
ber Presi 
thought Nica- 
up their interest in 
nd that this 
of Castro's 


baseball from the 
was vet another 
influence on you 

ORTEGA: No, 


Alter three 
the Marines in 
y we got from the 
Americans—the only good onc. 

When I was growing up, right in the 
hborhood of this stadium. to be a 
Boers fan—a strange name but one given 


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PLAYBOY 


to the team by European immigrants to 
Nicaragua—was to be against Somoza. 
The other Managua team was called The 
Five Stars, and it was run by Somoza. 

[Ortega applauds a play on the field. Borge 
addresses the interviewer) 

BORGE: Have the U.S. papers been talking 
about a rift between Borge and Ortega? 
PLAYBOY: Yes. What do you have to say 
about it? 

BORGE: They say we've been plotting to 
assassinate cach other, right? 

PLAYBOY: We haven't read that. But we've 
seen reports of a power struggle between 
you, and it surprises us to see you together. 
ORTEGA: These stories—they re intended to 
prove an attempt against one or the other of 
us. They want the CIA to kill one of us and 
blame the other. Ifeither me or my brother 
[Gencral Humberto Ortega Saavedra, 
minister of defense] dies, they'll blame it on 
Borge. Or vice versa. They'd like a violent 
pretext, as they had in Grenada, to justily 
an invasion, That is one of the alternatives 
the CIA is considering. That's no assump- 
tion; we have specific information about 
plans of that kind. 

PLAYBOY: What specifics? 
BORGE: As they say in the U.S. 
reveal my sources. 

PLAYBOY: What do you think about some оГ 
the more elaborate plots revealed in the 
Iran/Contra investigations? 

BORGE: The revelations have been very 
logical, unsurprising. Reagan has claimed 
he was unaware of illegal aid to the Contras. 
Ridiculous to think that they would have 
kept the news from ! As though a son 
were to have found a treasure in his father's 
house and then not told him! To deny the 
father the immense pleasure of his most 
profound wish! I’m also not surprised it 
took so long for it to come out. Given the 
visceral hatred the Reagan Administration 
has for this revolution, they would have 
done everything possible—including ob- 
taining resources illegally—to overthrow 
us. But it’s also logical it was uncovered, 
given the legal traditions of the United 
States. 

PLAYBOY: Mr. President, we’re wondering if 
you have a favorite Iran/Contra character. 
‘The scandal has presented such a fascinat- 
ing cast. 

ORTEGA: | have no favorite. The one I find 
most interesting is Reagan, because he's 
the one responsible for all of them. If he's 
not responsible, then he may as well 
resign, because it means he docs nothing as 
himself in his high office. 

[The Boers make a play on the field, causing 
great cheers in the presidential box.) 

You know, I used to come with my father 
to the baseball games here. I grew up 
around here. One of the players down there 
the grandson of the man who headed the 
Augusto Cesar Sandino Masonic Lodge in 
our neighborhood. He would give us lec- 
tures about economic inequalities and poli- 
tics. That place played an important role in 


, I cannot 


сус that a Masonic 


ORTEGA: Ah, but you scc, Sandino was a 
Mason. [Sandino, assassinated in 1934, 
was the Nicarat revolutionary who 
fought the U.S. Marine invasions in the 
Twenties and carly Thirties.] In any case, 
the cheapest seats here in the stadium were 
in the sun, so we used to make hats out 
of newspapers to shield ourselves. That's 
when I discovered I had myopia. My father 
would ask me what the score was, and I 
couldn't see the scoreboard. 

PLAYBOY: That must have been a problem 
for you during your years as a guerrilla— 
where to get glasses. 

ORTEGA: For a time, I used contact lenses as 
part of my disguise. 

PLAYBOY: That reminds us of what President 
Reagan said of you—that you were “a dic- 
tator in designer glasses.” What did you 
think when you heard that? 

ORTEGA: I laughed, I didn’t think I was so 
important to President Reagan that he 
would worry so much about me. It seems 
such a waste of time for a President of such 
a powerful country to be so obsessed with 
this small country. It's just more evidence 


“Reagan has taken us 
as his thing, like 
a little kid with his toys, 
making a little war. 
His hobby.” 


of his obsession with Nicaragua. 
PLAYBOY: Well, what about those glasses? 
You reportedly spent $3000 on designer 
glasses while you were in New York, and 
the newspapers reported it in great detail, 
ORTEGA: Look, every time I go to New York 
ona visit to the United Nations, I go to the 
same optical shop. I went there the first 
time because of my myopia; the U.S. is 
supposed to have the most advanced opti- 
cal science. The place was recommended to 
me by a friend who is well off, and I always 
charged the glasses to him. So the last time 
T was there, I bought some frames. | play 
sports, I jog; they could break. And ifat any 
time I have to survive an American attack 
and take up arms, I want some spare 
frames. Ї had no idea what the bill was, and 
when it came out later that “Ortega had 
spent $3000 on designer glasses,” I was 
flabbergasted. I'm only glad that I wasn’t 
under the same of scrutiny in some of 
my earlier trips to New York. During those 
years, I would take the Nicaraguan UN 
delegation to a mice restaurant in New 
York. Sometimes, I would pay a lot of 
money, since restaurants there cost so 
much, and I can imagine what the press 
would have said then. And the hotel bill! 
Hotels cost a fortune in New York. 

Zomandante Borge mentioned 
Reagan's visceral feelings toward you. 


Why do you think they 
ORTEGA: It’s not persos 
Nicaraguan revolution. There has been 
talk ever since this Iran/Contra scandal 
broke about Reagan’s not being in charge. 
But I know for certain that there's one 
thing he's really on top of—the only thing 
he’s really interested agua. He's 
taken us as his thing, like a little kid with 
his tovs, making a little war. He's made 
this war of the Contras against Nicaragua 
his hobby. ‘That’s why we always say that 
he's really the head Contra. He meets with 
people, they tell him how the war is going, 
ideas come out and he gets very excited. 
Other issues—domestic, economic mat- 
ters, budget problems, the deficit, interna- 
tional problems—he lets his advisors deal 
with those matters. The only thing he can 
talk about is Nicaragua, because it is his 
hobby. And it’s a dark hobby. 

PLAYBOY: Why do you think you've become 
the center of this obsessios 
ORTEGA: We don't understand it. What we 
know, however, is that it is 

have to guide ourselves accordingly 
PLAYBOY: You have said you weren't sur- 
prised by what has come out about the Con- 
tra funding — but, surely, the part about the 
Iran arms deal must have astonished you. 
ORTEGA: The Iran part, yes—that sur- 
prised us. Of course, we weren't surprised 
by Contra funding—we'd been saying that 
was happening all along. But this [ran 
thing, with Reagan accusing Iran of being 
a terrorist state—which is what he called 
Nicaragua, too, by the way—and after all 
that, Robert McFarlane showed up in 
Tehran with a cake shaped like a key and a 
Bible! Now, that was ama: 
PLAYBOY: If McFarlane arri ived in Mana- 
gua with a cake and a Bible, what would 


so personal? 
I—it's against the 


Receive him. In fact, we've been 
waiting for seven years for Reagan to send 
us someone with a cake and a Bible 
[Laughs] 

PLAYBOY: There are people who say that 
entire Iran/Contra affair has given you 
ce; that without it, an inva- 
sion of Nicaragua by the U.S. might have 
been more likely 

ORTEGA: Well, I think that the scandal has 
helped demonstrate that what we 
saying all along is true. For years, we were 
ig that there were all these illegal oper- 
ations goin on, and very few in the United 


е been 


exist. As we talk, more aspects of the scan- 
dal are emerging. Perhaps some of the elc- 
ments that have not yet come out have to do 
with the plans the United States has for car 


ng out direct action agai 
certainly think that Reagan has not given 
up on the option of an invasion h 
PLAYBOY: You know, of course, that many 
American politicians say that you use the 
invasion threat as a way of consolidating 
domestic support and drawing attention 


away from your own government's 
deficiencies 
ORTEGA: People say that we're like the boy 
who cried wolf. The problem is that 
Nicaragua is a country that has already 
been invaded on several occasions by the 
United States. Unlike the boy in the fable. 
Nicaragua has already had the wolf come 
And now we have the same wolf showing us 
his tecth and sticking out his claws atusand 
talking about invading us. No matter what 
is going on with the Iran/Contra allair, 
very day we sce more evidence that the 
U.S. has not discarded the possibility of an 
invasion. Recently, I spoke with a group of 
U.S. Congressmen and asked them if Rea- 
an would try to invade Nicaragua and 
they answered, “Considering the charac- 
teristics of some of the men who surround 
Reagan and of Reagan himself, anything 
could happen.” Even they think this dan- 
ger exists 

But what Reagan and his people don't 

understand is, there will be no short-term 
victory here. They won't even achieve a 
victory in the long term. They could miscal- 
culate. We've seen that happen, despite the 
United States’ intelligence capacity. 
PLAYBOY: For cxample? 
ORTEGA: Iran at the time of the shah. What 
was the information that the Carter Ad- 
ministration got from its embassy in 
Tehran? “The shah is fine—there’s no 
problem. So let's continue supporting the 
shah.” They make the same miscalcula- 
tions here. С agents here tell Reagan 
there is great discontent with the Sandi. 
nista revolution; that when [opposition 
leader] Cardinal Obando holds activities. 
500,000 people show up. They are crazy 
with their reports. If half a million people 
came to see the cardinal, it would be one 
sixth of the country! 

» this is the kind of information that 
Washington has to make its judgments on 
PLAYBOY: But we hear reports from more 
objective sources of great discontent here 
As we travel around Nicaragua, we sense 
it. We've seen antigovernment poster: 
graffiti everywhere. We've heard 
blings from people on the street. Y 
to be blind to miss it 
ORTEGA: But wherc is there not discontent? 
Even in the Vatican there's discontent! 
There are criticisms and sanctions there 
And there's plenty of that here. 

[The Dantos capture the championship 
with a home run—and Ortega rushes onto 
the open field and offers his congratulations 
to the managers of both teams. An hour later, 
he is driving Playboy's interviewer in an 
American-made jeep through his home lown, 
Managua, a wild, tropic version of Berlin 
after World War Two, a mass of empty lots, 
rubble, bouguinvillaca and tin shacks.] 
ORTEGA: This is where the neighborhood 
was that used to be known as the Colonia 
Somoza. It’s where I was brought up after 
my parents moved to Managua. Every- 
thing in the district was named after 
Somoza: the baseball stadium, the park 
we grew up in the shadow of this most 


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hideous statue of Somoza on horseback; it 
was styled in the fashion of Mussolini 
monuments to himself. About the onh 
thing around that wasn't named айе 
Somoza was the Sandino lodge I told you 
about, which was about ten bloc! 
The neighborhood kids and I went there 
every afternoon after school. By 1958 or 
1959, I was spending all my time after 
school there. At the lodge, there were some 
older men—pocts, economists, soldiers— 
who'd fought with Sandino, and the 
would recount their stories of him, which 
moved and thrilled us. 
PLAYBOY: And these old Sandino veterans 
influenced you? 
ORTEGA: Our whole group of young boys 
was influenced. Many of us went on to 
become fighters in the Frente Sandinista. 
PLAYBOY: You were a revolutionary that 
young? 
ORTEGA: I was carrying out revolutionary 
activities, I hated Somoza. It was a part of 
my family's legacy. I wanted to devote mı 
life to getting rid of him, and nothing inter 
а me more than freeing the country. 
At that time, there was a generalized 
anti-U.S. sentiment here, and it affected 
me very strongly. I didn't participate in a 
Marxist, Leninist or Communist Party— 
nothing of that sort. Nor did my father. 
What provoked us was U.S. policy, all by 
itself, with all of its errors, all of its inter- 
ventions: the assassination of Sandino, the 
support it offered to the Somoza dictator- 
ship. 1 saw myself as a young Nicaraguan 
nationalist: anti-imperialist, anti-Yangui 
My neighborhood friends were the same. 
We were anti-Coca-Cola, anti-comic 
book, against everything, good and bad, 
represented by the United States. Except 
baseball. [Laughs] I remember, once, when 
I was about 16, we werc ata demonstration 
the Managua [Catholic] Cathedral. 
violent. The Guardia were 
g tear gas. So, as 
we fled, we ran up the steps of the cathe- 
dral. Inside, by chance, we encountered 
a North American, dressed in military 
uniform, about to marry a Nicaraguan 
woman. In a rage, we surrounded the wed- 
ding party. Then we tried to attack 
groom. We broke up the weddin, 
PLAYBOY: Because you didn't want a U.S. 
military man marrying a Nicaraguan? 
ORTEGA: No. All we saw was, as we would 
say, “a bad Kanqui." We just didn’t want 
any kind of Yangw here. Now, of course, 
our feelings toward North Americans are 
much more sophisticated. There are many 
who've come here to help build our revolu- 
tion—to offer technical assistance. We like 
American popular culture; we like many 
North American things. 
PLAYBOY: But nat enough to pay heed ta the 
kind of image you project in North Amer- 
ica, apparently. In fact, it might be said 
that your government has a talent for mak- 
moves that guarantee truly terrible 
the U.S. Ifyou do want your gov- 
t to be scen as democratic and 


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nonoppressive, how is it that you manage to 
create the opposite impression? 

ORTEGA: The most important thing here is 
that we are opposed to a power—the 
United States—that has dominion over 
world communications. It even has a Presi- 
dent who, I think, has the greatest domin- 
ion over communications media of all the 
Presidents ever. I mean, you have an actor 
for President! I truly admire the facility 
with which Mr. Reagan reads his speeches 
with those sophisticated video systems: 
he doesn't look at the cue cards. I think it 
would be very difficult for me to read as 
Reagan does, without looking down. He's 
always smiling with his actor's smile, with 
his actor's gestures and with a whole team 
ident’s ir 


working to maintain the Pr 
while creating a bad 
image of those who 
wish to disagree 


with him 
So we are in a 
totally disadvanta- 
geous position. For 
instance, this revo- 
lution has done a 
lot for our people 
here—built sugar 
mills, geothermal 
plants, dairy proj- 
ects- but попе ol 
that is covered. As 
you journalists say, 
we cant get our 
story across. 
PLAYBOY: But it's not 
just a question of 
public relations; you 
often seem to do 
things tha 


are inten- 
tionally designed to 
create a bad image. 
that 
tip to Moscow. In 
April 1985, the week 
after the US. Con- 
gress voted against 
funding the Contras, 
you 


For instanc 


journeyed to 


the Soviet Union. 
By early June, 
Congress, under 


pressure from the. 
Reagan Admini 
tion, reversed its vote 

ORTEGA: First of all, the incident is really an 
example of manipulation on the part of the 
U.S. press. In this case, it ceased being pro- 
fessional—it got caught in the trap of yel- 
low journalism 

PLAYBOY: Mr. President, the press didn’t 
make up the timing. Wasn't that something 
you did to yourself? 

ORTEGA: But I'm referring to the way in 
which the U.S. press focused on the trip to 
Moscow; it gave the impression that it was 
the first time that I had ever gone to 
Moscow and that it was the culminating 
point at which Nicaragua was establishing 
relations of a strategic nature with the 
Soviet Union. That just wasn't tue. In 


fact, this was my scventh visit to the Soviet 
Union. I arrived one day and left the day 
after to discuss economic matters. I went on 
to Italy, Spain, France—which the press 
hardly mentioned. The reason I went to 
Moscow was that I knew that Reagan was 
about to impose his economic blockade on 
us and we had to move quickly to get help. 
Reagan did not improvise the embargo 
alter the Congressional vote—he already 
had it prepared, and we had that informa- 
tion. So since the embargo was coming, we 
had to move rapidly: Our oil supply was 
about to be cut off. 

PLAYBOY: Since the Contras ended up getting 
their money, don't you think the Moscow 
trip was a mistake? 

ORTEGA: No, because the trip to Moscow 


was only the pretext that many Congress- 
men used to justify changing their votes. 
They were looking for an excuse. 
PLAYBOY: Still, one step after another seems 
designed to disprove your sincerity on such 
sues as civil liberties. For instance, even 
your supporters in the United States have a 
hard time explaining haw you could close 
the opposition newspaper, La Prensa, shut 
down Radio Catolica and exile the bishop of 
Chontales, Bishop Pablo Antonio Vega 
ORTEGA: The problems you mention are 
political. Sometimes people look at these 
things and say that we are being antireli- 
gious, and this is very far from the truth. 
This is a revolution that has Christianity 
very much at the core of what we are doing. 


There are priests in the government; there 
are clergy who fought hard to make our rev- 
olution. But in Nicaragua, as in other parts 
of Latin America, there are also elements in 
the clergy who are extremely conservative. 
This is important to us—because many of 
us are students of history, and we have 
looked hard at what happened to the Popu- 
lar Unity government of Salvador Allende 
in Chile in the Seventies. When the U.S. 
Government wanted to overthrow that gov- 
ernment, it used newspapers like El Mercu- 
rio and right-wing sectors of the Church to 
destabilize it. We don't want that story 
repeated in Nicaragua. La Prensa is a news- 
paper that’s been financed by the CIA. 
Radio Catolica is a radio station that has 
been the voice of the counterrevolution. 
That’s why it was 
dosed. This had 
nothing to do with 


religion 
PLAYBOY: But il is 
the Church's sta- 


tion 
ORTEGA: Radio 
Catolica is not! One 
would think that it 
should be—that all 
Vicaraguan bishops 
should have 
to the radio station 


access 


But this station is 


only in the hands 
of the bishop of 
Managua. There 
were people working 
there including 
the director, now in 
the U.S.—who were 
d with the 
counterrevolution- 
They 


advantage of 


ident 


ary forces 
took 
the Catholic radio 
to disseminate their 
counterrevolution- 
ary message, violat- 
ing the state of 
emergency and the 
country's laws. We 
called their atien- 
tion to this on sev- 
eral occasions. They 
paid no attention. So 


we had to take action. 

PLAYBOY: You also expelled Bishop Vega. It 
was reported that you deposited him shoe- 
less at the Honduran border 

ORTEGA: First of all, he wasn't turned over 
shoeless. He had his normal clothes, his 
shoes on. 

Of course, these are measures that arc 
difficult to understand. But we are sub- 
jected to a double standard. The media in 
North America seem to be unaware of the 
fact that in Honduras, they have expelled 
and assassinated priests. In El Salvador 
they have expelled and assassinated priests 
and bishops and nuns 

Since 1979, more than 200 religious 
men and women have been murdered in 


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Latin America—and none of them have 
been murdered in Nicaragua. There's one 
country in which two priests and two reli- 
gious workers have been assassinated in the 
past few months. But the United States is 
not interested in that government, because 
it is an ally. When Honduras expels a 
priest, it’s news for one day and then forgot- 
ten. But when Nicaragua expels a priest, 
it’s news for a year. 

PLAYBOY: All right, Bishop Vega wasn't 
assassinated. But he was expelled. Why? 
ORTEGA: Because he broke Nicaraguan 
laws. Every country has its laws. When 
some North American priests made pro- 
tests against Reagan's policy in Central 
America at U.S. military bases, they were 
arrested, too. Even in the United States! 
In Bishop Vega’s 
case, he betrayed his 


country 
PLAYBOY: How? 
ORTEGA: He delend- 
ed Reagan's policy 
against Nicaragua. 
This is called trea- 
son. He could ! 


we 
been jailed for 30 
years 

PLAYBOY: In a de- 
mocracy, we call it 
freedom of speech 
ORTEGA: He didn't 
just justify Reagan's 
policy against Nica 
ragua, he justified 
the assassination of 
the Nicaraguan peo 
When 
by the international 
here, “What 
do you think of 
the $100,000,000 
[which Reagan had 
requested for aid to 
the Contras)?" he 
supported it. And 
when they asked 
him, "What about 
the ruling of the 
international court 
of justice [declaring 
the United States 
in violation 


ple! asked 


press 


of in- 
ternational law for 
mining Nicaraguan harbors]?" he said 
that the ruling of the international court of 


justice was not valid. His is an at 


justification for a criminal polic 
Christian policy under which they're as- 
sassinating Christians here in Nicaragua 
So this man is a traitor. We are not judg- 
ing him as a cleric 
PLAYBOY: Let's look at another point. You'd 
always said you supported the free press 
and offered La Prensa as proof. Then, on 
June 26, 1986—less than one day after Con- 
gress voted on the Contra funding—you 
closed La Prensa. Doesn't that make it 
look as if you only tolerated La Prensa as a 
kind of free-speech present to the U.S 
Congress? Don’t you think you've given 


fuel to your critics by what you did? 
ORTEGA: No—this has nothing to do with 
Congress. We arc interested in freedom of 
the press. But in a situation of war, the 
press is restricted in all parts of the world 
Even in the United States, the press 
has been restricted in difficult situations. 
So, when the owners of La Prensa went 
to lobby the Congress in favor of the 
$100,000,000, well, they were violat- 
ing Nicaraguan law by doing that 
Then, when Congress approved the 
$100,000,000, Nicaragua was suddenly 
sullering a greater aggression. So what the 
owners of La Prensa did, what Bishop Vega 
did, was on the order of a crime. 
PLAYBOY: Are you saying that if Congre 
had not approved the $100,000,000, you 


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wouldn't have closed La Prensa? 

ORTEGA: We wouldn't have closed it 
PLAYBOY: Given that, as journalists, we 
Id 


must ask you, under what conditions со 
you see reopening that newspaper? 
ORTEGA: When the war is over 
aggression ceases, the country will become 
normalized. That's why, since we're inter- 
ested in freedom of the press, La Prensa has 
not been confiscated. 

PLAYBOY: And could Radio Catolica then 
open up again? 

ORTEGA: That is under consideration i 
cussions we're having with the Church 
right now. The agenda includes the reopen- 
ing of Radio Catolica and the return of some 
priests who have been sanctioned 


when the 


dis- 


PLAYBOY: What about reinstating the provi- 
sions for civil liberties that are in your 
brand-new constitution and that you sus- 
pended the day the constitution was put 
into effect? 

ORTEGA: Well, yes. In a situation without 
war, the existing restrictions would have to 
disappear. 

[A stop is made for a short speech al the Jes- 
ий university in. Managua— Universidad 
Centroamericana, which is hosting a revival 
by 50,000 Protestant evangelicals. Then the 
ride resumes.) 

ORTEGA: This has been a really ecumen 
cal afternoon—Jesuits, evangelicals and 
Playboy. [Smiles] 

PLAYBOY: We've heard that when you were a 
teenager, you considered joining a religious 


order. 
ORTEGA: Yes. Thats 
true. Throughout 


my adolescent years, 
I had a very strong 
mystical attitude, I 
was always trying 
to seek communica- 
tion with the saints. 
I never missed 
Mass. And I was an 
altar boy. For a 
while, I even consid- 
ered becoming a 
Christian Brother. 
The Catholic acad 
my where I went 
was promoting reli- 
gions vacations, and 
Г was among the 
candidates being 
considered. 1 
interested in the 
of being of 
others— 


was 


aspect 


service tc 
perhaps being an 
educator. But in 
the end, I decided 
against it. You see, 
І also felt drawn 
toward political 
activity—toward 
changing the coun- 
try and getting rid of 
the Somoza dictator- 
ship. And while I 
didn't see that the 
political would negate the religious, getting 
no religious 
abandoning political activity. The latter 
was more powerful for me 

[They drive to Ortega's home in Managua 
It is an upper-middle-class ranch house sur- 
rounded by high walls and guards. The house 
is decorated with Nicaraguan folk art and 
rocking chairs. Children and dogs abound) 
ORTEGA: Have you read any of the crazy 
things that have been written in the world 
press about this house? For instance, once 
some Scandinavian journalist said that 
block for my 


activities would involve 


I had a square house, 


that my house occupied an entire square 


block— 100 square meters—that 1 had a 


71 


PLAYBOY 


huge swimming pool and things like that 
PLAYBOY: You and other Sandinista leaders 
have been accused of having lavish 
lifestyles. And although this house isn't 
very luxurious by U.S. or European stand- 
ards, it’s far beyond the standard of most 
Nicaraguans. 
ORTEGA: Yes, but I think this is like the busi- 
ness with the eyeglasses, exaggerated. With 
those Scandinavian journalists, 1 brought 
them here. We went around the neighbor- 
hood. I explained to them who lived in all 
of the houses around this one. We have 
neighbors whose relatives live in Miami. 
live right next door, behind из. Now, 
this house, as you sce, doesn't have huge 
gardens. It has a relatively small yard. 1 
don’t think it’s an ostentatious house—yet 
these things are always being said about us. 
PLAYBOY: Perhaps some of the charges are 
made against you, Mr. President, because 
people think it is a long distance from the 
former 
-even if that house is not very 
fancy. What was your social class when you 
were growing up? 
ORTEGA: My father was educated, but we 
often had to struggle for the barest of 
resources. І was born in the town of La ce 
bertad in the Chontales cattle. 
region of Nicaragua—my father worked fr 
the mines there. 

My parents were strong opponents of the 
Somoza regime and they had constant 
problems with Somoza's [secret-police] 


apparatus. We didn't have much money, 
cither. My younger brother and a sister 
of infectious diseases, The 
itions in the town were terrible, 
and the family didn't have the money 
required to save them. For years afterward, 
their deaths haunted my parents. My 
mother's religious beliefs were what helped 
her—her deep Christian resignation 
Actually, I think the most important 
things about my parents were their moral, 
religious and political values. The family 
was very Christian, but there was also a 
repudiation of everything that the Somoza 
regime stood for. Both my mother and my 
father were the strongest of anti-Somo- 
cistas—and they were persecuted for it. 
‘They always remembered that Somoza had 
murdered Sandino. My father had collabo- 
rated with General Sandino and was taken 
prisoner by the first Somoza. This must 
have been in 1933. And my mother, even 
before she married my father, had been 
arrested by the Somoza National Guard and 
en to Managua on horseback. She was 
accused of sending secret messages. There 
was a story in my family that I think I may 
have told Playboy when you interviewed me 
four years ago: When my father was young, 
he was arrested by the first Somoza and 
then released from prison and given a 
packet of money, He sent Somoza this 
money back, and Somoza returned a tele- 
gram that said, ear si For much of my 
childhood, my father would take down this 


telegram and show it to all of us. He was 
very proud ofit. 

In 1956, when I was almost 11, some- 
thing happened that marked me very 
strongly. It was in September, when the 
first Somoza was brought to justice: Rigo- 
berto Lopez Pérez, the Nicaraguan poct 
and patriot, assassinated him. Suddenly, 
Nicaragua was a place of great joy and fear. 
I remember Somoza's burial, and I remem- 
ber when Somoza was lying in state. Many 
people went to see him. Some went to the 
funeral because they were sad. A lot of oth- 
ers went because they wanted to double 
check that Somoza was truly dead 
PLAYBOY: And what did the Ortegas do? 
ORTEGA: We didn't even approach the 
place. However, I do remember when the 
burial procession went past our house and 
we were all standing on the chairs and 
tables to see out the window. There was 
great curiosity; there was joy because 
Somoza had died. There was pain because 
Rigoberto Lopez had been killed. And 
there was fear of what might come in the 
wake of it all. This fear turned out to be 
quite justified, because what we later got 
were two more Somozas. 

А few years later, in 1959, the Somacistas 
murdered three Nicaraguans who had 
been linked to the killing of the first 
Somoza. One of the dead was a relative of 
mine: Cornelio Silva. Cornelio used to 
play with me when [ was little. Well, Anas- 
tasio Somoza, the third Somoza to rule, 


TASTES VARY. 


personally assassinated him 

1 remember going to Cornelio's funeral, 
and people there were very frightened. A 
few days later, there were larger demon- 
strations. I went with my father and Hum- 
berto and my brother Camilo—Camilo 
was about seven. We took him by the hand, 
and we'd all joined the tumult. These were 
extremely violent demonstrations, riots 
really. I was perhaps 14. So these kinds of 
experiences were common in my youth. 
Indeed, I think they were very common to 
many young people growing up in this 
country during that time. There were so 
many injustices in our socicty, and one felt 
an urgency to do something. The elections 
were rigged. Somuza controlled the politi- 
cal process; he controlled the economy; he 
repressed with his National Guard. He con- 
trolled everything. You felt it was a crime to 
be young 
PLAYBOY: We were also told that by the time 
you were 15, you had made a clear decision 
to become a revolutionary. True? 
ORTEGA: You make it sound like Simón Bolí- 
yar, who rose up to the mountain and 
undertook the struggle against colonialism 
It wasn’t that way at all; it was much more 
evolutionary 

Actually, my first concrete political com- 
mitment probably came in 1959, when 1 
participated in the street struggles against 
Somoza. In 1960, some of us neighborhood 
boys formed an organization called the 
Nicaraguan Patriotic Youth. This organi- 


zation was later broken up by the National 
Guard. They destroyed it when some of us 
tried to seize a National Guard barracks 
So in the aftermath of our attempt, we 
suffered very strong repression. They 
arrested a large number of people in our 
group. This was the first time I was 
arrested, and I was beaten. I was taken to 
the Somoza security offices, interrogated, 
photographed and tortured. The Somoza 
men wanted me to say that some older men 
in the Social Christian Party had put us up 
to this, and I wouldn't do that. It wasn’t 
truc, anyway. That was my . . . sort of bap- 
tismal fire. The next year, in 1961, 1 was 
arrested again. This time, I was accused of 
setting fire to some vehicles belonging to 
the U.S. embassy, and, indeed, we had 
donc that. The second arrest was more s 
ous. They took us before the judge, there 
was a formal indictment and, of course, 
there was torture. As always. 

PLAYBOY: How did they torture you? 
ORTEGA: Beating, Kicking. They would hit 
ate fashion with fists. We com- 
d when they beat us—and they'd 
laugh. After the abuse, they sent us before а 
judge. The judge ruled that we should beon 
probation—and we got it, because at that 
point, Somoza's security forces did not see 
us yet as a true danger, but rather as boys 
who were involved i 
PLAYBOY: Pranks? 
ORTEGA: Yes. As if we were just a bunch of 
crazy kids. And thats what our lawyers 


argued. So that time, they released us—but 
other jailings were to come. 

PLAYBOY: And the Frente Sandinista came 
into existence in what year? 

ORTEGA: The Frente began to do public 
activities in 1963. 

And when did you join? 
immediately. 

How old were you? 


PLAYBOY: 


jeventeen or 18 
PLAYBOY: It was an extraordinarily 
thing to do—to join the Frente It w 
asking for death. Why does a 17-4 
from a Managua barrio do such a thing? 
ORTEGA: My friends and I were already 
exposing ourselves to death, We had seen 
peers of ours dic in demonstrations—we'd 
witnessed women beaten savagely for no 
other reason than the fact that they were 
protesting some Somoza injustice. So for 
us, the Frente was a new element. We hoped 
it might make us morc effective. The Frente, 
when it was formed, was really just a fusion 
of several groups such as ours, cach one 
doing its own activities. 

PLAYBOY: While we're getting the whole 
story, is there anything you remember in 
particular about your сапу arrests? 
ORTEGA: Well, I don’t know. .. There was 
the arrest in Guatemala. My friends and I 
had hitchhiked there. This was 1964. At the 
time, the Guatemalan guerrilla movement 
was going strong. Wherever you looked, 
there were military and police. We had no 
moncy—so we slept in the parks. But that 


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PLAYBOY 


74 


proved impossible, and so we rented a 
small room for one person at a very poor 
hotel, and the rest of us snuck in at night, 
one by one. Well, the owner of the hotel 
quickly became suspicious and he de- 
nounced us to the police. We had been in 
Guatemala for only a couple of days. What 
followed was really terrible. The judi 
police took us to the prison and brought in 
some anti-Castro Cubans trom Alpha 66 to 
interrogate us. There were beatings, and 
then they sent us to another prison, where 
there were some basement cells that were 
just a hall meter wide and ten meters long. 
“They called that the tiger cage. This was a 
waiting room for death. We found some 40 
peasants from a region supportive of the 
guerrillas being held there. Everyone was 
crammed їп on top of everyone else, and 
you had to walk over some people to lind a 
spot or just end up sitting on someone else 
Oneday, they took all the peasants away 
Not long after, a news item appeared in the 
paper saying that the vehicle in which th 
peasants were traveling had “turned over” 
on the highway and they were all killed, 
Who knows what really happened to the 
PLAYBOY: What happened to you? 
ORTEGA: Well, the Guatemalans decided to 
turn us over to Somoza. They transported 
us to Nicaragua—where they turned us 
over to Somoza's security [forces]. Once in 
the hands of the Nicaraguan security, w 
were thrown into the back ofa Land Rover 
They tied our hands behind our backs, 
They tied our fect together, They took off 
our shoes. They tore our zippers so that we 
wouldn't be able to run and try to es 
They took our belts away. 
put us in a squatting position 
stones across our thighs. In that completely 
helpless position, we were beaten the whole 
way with clubs, clubs to our head. They 
picked up garbage along the way. It was 
filth, pestilence—feathers of dead chick- 
ens, leaves, cigarette butts. They made us 
cat that. We didn't want to eat it. When we 
didn't, they pushed our head down to the 
stone to knock against the stone. So 
not lose our tecth, we began to cat i 
man who was inflicting all this barbarity on 
us was a sergeant in Somoza's security 
ined Gonzalo Lacayo, Lacayo was a spe- 
ind of monster. Неа been a butcher 
before going into the security, and he wa 
the same afterwa ng the vip, the 
moment came wl one of the com- 
pañeros—his name was Edmundo Perez; 
he later died —yomited. Lacayo made him 
cat his vomit. He had us like this from 
the border to Managua. In Managua, we 
were put into a different vehicle and trans- 
ported 10 the city of Rivas, where we had 
a trial pending for something else. Again, 
оп the road, we were subjected to sir 
brutalit 
PLAYBOY: Wh; 
arrested? 
ORTEGA: That was in 1967. lw а much 
morc dangerous situation. The police were 
me. Once they grabbed me, 
ted me to a very strong period of 


about the li 


St time you were 


interrogation. That's when I was left with 


this scar. | have a scar here—on the right 


to get the ис they began beating 
me. When they first grabbed me, I thought, 
for sure, that this time they were going to 
kill me. You see, I had participated in the 
bringing to justice—or the killing, if you 
will—of the main executioner of Somoza's 
security forces, this Gonzalo Lacayo. In 
ugust of 1967, I participated in an action, 
killing him. 

PLAYBOY: You alonc? 

ORTEGA: No, there were four of us—includ- 
ing Perez, the guy he'd forced to cat hi 
vomit. We did this on an August 
1967. First, we staked him out—we w 
to make sure that we wouldn't hurt an 
innocent during our bringing this butcher 
to justice. We drove up to his neighborhood 
in our car. | was in the front seat. Each of us 


we 
сауо, he was standing on the side- 
tting with his brother-in-law—so 


“You develop certain habits 
in prison. You lose your 
shyness a bit, especially 
about bodily functions.” 


we did nothing. Finally, when he returned 
home, we drove up to him—and, as he 
walked under a streetlight, he saw us. And 
irom the moment that he saw us, he realized 
what was happening, and still he tried to 
pull out his weapon. But we were already 
firing. The other compañero got out to give 


the final shots. I shouted, “Long live the 
Sandinista front!” and we took off. 
Now, there's something 1 want to tell 


you—an executioner like Lacayo, when we 
led him, I felt satisfied. I felt that we were 
doing something just: eliminating a harm- 
ful guy, an executioner 

PLAYBOY: Was Lacayo the first person you 
ever killed? 

ORTEGA: Ye: 
PLAYBOY: When you killed him, did you feel 
any conflict between your religious feelings 
and what you were dol 
ORTEGA: No. Because | felt no pe 
hatred, no rancor in this action. Г thi, 
if there | hatred, 1 would 
have felt gi was пой 
that, 1 saw it as something 
thing that had to happen. Ht was true tha 
we were taking the life of a person, but thi 
was a person who was taking away the life 
of the people. 1 mean, he was the worst toi 
turer and murderer. Did the members of 
the French Resistance feel guilty about 
killing Gestapo oflicers? 
PLAYBOY: Were you arrested alter t 
nation? 
ORTEGA: Yes. Now: 


rible moment for the Frente Sandinista. 
Early in the month, the Somoristas captured 
four Sandinistas, wounded and killed them 
and then announced that they bad killed 
the assassins of Lacayo. It was a terrible 
crime, killing wounded people, What was 
worse, of the four people they murdered, 
only one, Edmundo Pérez, had 
involved in the action against Lacavo. 
When the Somoza security finally captured 
me, however, they had a terrible problem: 
en their crime and their announcement. 
they couldn't say, "Ah, now we have one of 
the men who got Lacayo.” So the only 
charge they could make against me was 
bank robbery—even though they had a 
great number of indications of other things 
PLAYBOY: Did you actually parti 
bank robberies? Heads of state have been. 
known to loot banks—but usually with 
paper and pencil. 

ORTEGA: [Laughs ] Well, yes, I did. During 
the time when the Frente was clandestine, 
we robbed banks to finance our activities. 
We called the actions acts of recuperation, 
which is what we felt they were. Techni- 
cally, legalistically, they were bank rob- 
berics, of course—but that wasn't how we 
felt 

PLAYBOY: So after November 1967, you were 
sent off to prison 

ORTEGA: Yes. 1 was sentenced to 14 years 
and sent to jail. Colonel Orlando Gutiérrez 
was the prison warden—a fasci al 
fascist. He bragged that he admired Hitler. 
An executioner. Horrible. Interestingly, he 


been 


ate d 


prison, he kept screaming, “So you wanted 
10 kill me!" And he put me in a cell full of 
common criminals. That cell w 
twice the size of this room, and there wı 
always more than 100 prisoners there. The 
political prisoners were all thrown together 
with the common criminals. Because there 
were so few bunks, we slept on the floor 
There was a single toilet, without doors 
nything, in the middle of the room. 
OI course, you develop certain habits in 
prison. You lose your shyness a bit, espe 
Ily about things relating to bodily func- 
ns. There w: 
line for the toilet 
ple waiting to use the single toi 
ing whoever was sitting there t 
get off, Because it was filthy, everyone 
would stand on the toilet bowl. N 
would sit. And you'd go and ri 
applauding, saying, 
"Come on, get going, what's happening? 
And people would also insult 
“Oh, you're taking so long! 
was the same. There would be 
150 people wanting to use one shower. The 
total e 

one of those slave galleys 
felt. 

PLAYBOY: Did you meet Rosario Murillo 


rex, 


mple, a permanent 


There were alw 


you, other people we 


ou, saying, 


The shower 


metimes 


viron 


t gave the impression of 
that’s how it 


ne 


ly, I knew her from the 


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neighborhood in Managua. But she was of 
a higher social and economic situation, and 
my family didn’t have much contact with 
hers. When I was in prison, I began reading 
her poetry. And I was very drawn to it, to 
women's poetry in general. It was very 
high-quality poetry, and I began writing to 
her. We would exchange poems. 
PLAYBOY: Why were you drawn to women’s 
poetry? 
ORTEGA: Because it was interesting. Rosar- 
io was just one of several women calling 
attention to the problems of machismo in 
our society. As for me, I would say that in 
that time, I was developing a conscientious 
attitude in terms of struggling against my 
own machismo, and for that very reason, 
perhaps, the women's poetry had such a 
strong impact on me. 
PLAYBOY: So you had a struggle with your 
own tendency toward being macho? 
ORTEGA: Ah, si, Definitely, yes. 
ап you tell us more? 
ORTEGA: Well, 1 have a macho formation. 
iously, 1 oppose machismo. I struggle 
in myself and try to eradicate it. 
t have we eradicated it? 


tude that may have the greatest weight on 
men in our society has to do with being pos- 
sessive of women, That's where we're most 
resistant to accepting equality. We resist 
accepting the fact that we shouldn't possess 
women in a total and absolute way. We also 
want to possess onc or two or threc or four 
women. 

PLAYBOY: Arc you like that? 

ORTEGA: Well, I think onc always hes some- 
thing of that within one. But one struggles 
against it. Anyway, my mother had a lot of 
contact with Rosario during those years. 
Rosario visited her—she would sit down 
and chat with her. Rosario was collaborat- 
ing with the Frente, so she couldn't go to the 
jail. It would have exposed her acti 
So between us there was more of a political 
sort of communication there and literary 
communication. 

PLAYBOY: You were released at the end of 
1974, when the Frente Sandinista devised its 
own parole program for political prisoners 
and a Sandinista commando unit seized the 
mansion of José María “Chema” Castillo 
Quant, former Nicaraguan minister of 
agriculture and a confidant of Somoza's. At 
his house, a party was being held—and the 
guests included most of the Managua 
diplomatic corps and various Somoza rela- 
tives. A Sandinista commando unit seized 
the building, held the revelers hostage— 
and didn’t give up until they, you and 
many other Sandinista prisoners had been 
put on г plane to Cuba. This was the 
famous “Christmas party.” Did you know 
it was coming? 

ORTEGA: We knew that there were people 
outside the prison working on something to 
free us. But the first time I heard of this was 
at dawn the morning after the action. One 
of the guardsmen who were friendly with us 
said, “The Frente’s taken a whole series of 


ministers there, and they're asking for 
you.” We had a hidden radio—which we 
dashed to. That was the most striking 
moment in the jail, when we realized that 
very important ministers of Somoza's— 
including Somoza’s brother-in-law—were 
in the hands of the compañeros. Later, they 
played a message from the Frente over the 
radio. And that was something: to hear, for 
the first time, in Nicaragua, on a radio sta- 
tion, a message from the Sandinista front. 
PLAYBOY: Was the broadcast part of the 
deal? 

ORTEGA: Yes. Two or three days later, it was 
all finalized and we got out. It was on the 
30th, in the morning, about noon. We got 
on the buses with the guardsmen. Some of 
the guardsmen who had become friends 
said they wanted to go with us, because 
they had been working with us. We said, 
“You can't do that; you have to stay here, 
You'll be more useful here.” 1 had been in 
prison for seven years . .. and one month. 
PLAYBOY: You told us four years ago that 
when you got to Cuba, it was so strange— 
after seven years in prison to be free. Why? 
Did you feel as if you were still under 


. 1 just had a hard 
time afier so many years’ imprisonment. In 
prison, 1 had developed certain defensive 
mechanisms in order to survive. All of a 
sudden, I was freed from that milicu and I 
had to adapt to a whole new thing—frec- 
dom. You find yourself in an environment 
which dicre's nu peisccutiun, nu dan- 
ger—and that’s strange! 


ORTEGA: 1 felt tense in freedom. Claustro- 
phobic. If 1 entered a room, I would want 
to get out quickly. If I got into a car, I 
would start feeling desperate. It was as if 
the cell were always with me. For months, I 
suffered in this condition, I then overcame 


thi 


While in Cuba, I worked for the Frente 1 
did political work, wrote pamphlets, did 
studies. The work helped me. And 1 would 
say that I did not finish completely adapt- 
ing myself. When I returned secretly to 
Nicaragua in 1976, all of the defense mech- 
anisms that I'd developed in the under- 
ground life became activated again. And I 
felt fine—1 felt great! The claustrophobia 
went away; everything went away. I would 
be in the barrios of Managua, spending 
days and days in a tiny room, in underwear 
or shorts, because there was so much 
heat—working away, drawing up the mes- 
sages, communications, going out at night 
to establish contacts, having meetings. 
There was pressure from the police, the 
National Guard passing by, the security 
forces who were watching over the area. 1 
was moving from one neighborhood to 
another. Some safe houses would fall; we'd 
have to find someplace else to hide. There 
would be battles and compañeros would fall, 
But | felt at ease. I felt better than when I'd 
been free. 

PLAYBOY: Still, why did you go from the 
relative safety of Cuba back to the danger 


of Central America? 

ORTEGA: I needed to. I would have felt com- 
promised if I hadn't. I had a political com- 
mitment, and if you have that, you don't 
feel right within yourself if you're not 
directly on the battle lines. 

PLAYBOY: From what we've read, some terri- 
ble things happened to you when you 
returned to Central America—the deaths 
of many close friends and relatives. 
ORTEGA: My younger brother Camilo, for 
one, was killed. I was traveling in Hon- 
duras on a mission for the Frente—and I 
intuited immediately that something had 
happened. This was February 1978 
Camilo had taken part in an insurgency in 
Masaya. The Guardia put out a search, 
they trapped the combatants and they 
found Camilo and his companions. You 
know, I always have believed somewhat in 
arapsychology— have very good intu- 
ion. Well, when I was in Honduras, sud- 
denly, I felt Camilo's death. I began to feel 
bad. I felt something was wrong, but I 
didn't know exactly what. Later, I found 
out that Camilo had died while fighting in 
the insurrection. Of course, there was no 
way to go to his burial. My mother took 
care of that alone. 

PLAYBOY: At what point did you realize that 
everything was falling apart for Somoza? 
ORTEGA: There is a date that for us is key: 
October 1977. After that, everything be- 
came different for Somoza. At that mo- 
ment, the Frente was divided into several 
factions and we did not have a military- 
offensive capacity. Politically, we were 
worn down. The factionalization had been 
incapacitating. Rather than go into the 
points that separated us, let mejust say that 
the group I worked with decided that con- 
jons were very good for carrying out an 
offensive. We wanted the Frente to unite 
again, but we figured we weren't going to 
achieve unity through discussions. The 
more we talked, the more screwed up every- 
thing would get. So we thought unity could 
be achieved through offensive actions: 
politically and militarily. And it was then 
that we decided to launch an offensive. We 
said, “We can begin to finally overthrow 
Somoza now.” And, of course, by July 
1979, he was gone 

PLAYBOY: Tell us about the final moments of 
a 42-year dictatorship. 

ORTEGA: Well, the first great moment came 
when we were in León. At first, it seemed 
that the National Guard was going to 
launch an offensive from the Honduran 
side toward León—and we were all prepar- 
ing for a battle. What was actually happen- 
ing was that the National Guard was 
concentrating its forces so as to escape into 
Honduras. When we heard the news that 
Somoza was fleeing, we pushed farther with 
the offensive and the other troops began to 
move toward Managua. 

PLAYBOY: How did you feel going into Ma- 
nagua that day? 

ORTEGA: First, we had a mass gathering in 
León, celebrating the victory. 1 always 
said that what was most striking for me was 


7 


the 18th, at night, when the television sta- 
tion was already taken by the Frente in 
Managua. We saw for the first time in 
Nicaragua Sandino's image on TV. Itwas 
an old, fast-moving film of Sandino. But 
there he was: Sandino alive there on the 
screen. It was not a static photo. It was 
Sandino moving. This was more impressive 
than all else. In that moment, 1 knew we 
had restored our history. 

Then we arrived in Managua on the 
20th. Of course, the people were euphoric. 
Bullets shooting in all directions. There 
was a great deal of joy. All of us were there. 
[Then-]Monsignor Obando was also there. 
This North American, William Bowdler, 
the envoy of the Carter Administration, 
was there, too. There was a new beginn; 
for Nicaragua—a future, some hope. We 
were meeting with the United States in-an 
environment of friendship and with the 
hope of establishing a new type of relation- 
ship. 

PLAYBOY: Of course, that didn't happen. 
ORTEGA: No. Our triumph was the surren- 
der on July 19, 1979. Jimmy Carter was 
President of the United States still. There 
were problems with Carter. Before the tri- 
umph, the Carter Administration sup- 
ported Somoza, and it did propose an 
Organization of American States interven- 
tion in Nicaragua, which the O.A.S. 
refused todo. But afier July 19, there devel- 
oped a certain openness. There was a possi- 
bility of finding an understanding. 

Then, of course, Reagan was elected in 
November of 1980, and that was the begin- 
ning of his obsession with us, the results of 
which we are still living with. 

PLAYBOY: To quote Reagan, “Nine times we 
have sought to bring about direct negotia- 
tions between the resistance and the San- 
dinistas Nine times the Sandinistas have 
refused." He said that about the Sandi- 
nistas in March 1986 while urging Contra 
funding. How do you respond to that? 
ORTEGA: That is a lie. At по moment has the 
Reagan Administration been interested in 
negotiating. They’ve used the word negoti- 
ation to cover themselves vis-a-vis the U.S. 
Congress, which has always demanded an 
effort toward negotiation. So it’s nothing 
more than an act geared to creating an 
impression that they're making an effort to 
negotiate and that the party that does not 
wish to negotiate is Nicaragua. The 
clearest proof of this is that the one who 
withdrew from the negotiations at 
Manzinillo was the United States. It was 
not Nicaragua. 

[The interview breaks and resumes on 
another afternoon at the César Augusto Silva 
Convention Center, just outside Managua. In 
the old days, under Somoza, the convention 
center was a Japanese-style country club for 
well-to-do businessmen. Now the building is 
used for protocol functions—a center where 
Sandinista officials greet visitors for public 
events. It is elegant, air-conditioned, filled 
with plants and Nicaraguan modern art. This 
is Ortega's unofficial executive office] 

78 PLAYBOY: We've spoken over the past few 


PLAYBOY 


days a great deal about who Daniel Ortega 
was before becoming Nicaragua’s head of 
state—but we've gotten very little sense of 
you or your country now. Do you like 
power? Do you like being president? 
ORTEGA: I don't think so. 

PLAYBOY: Why not? 

ORTEGA: It's a quite complicated task. One 
is subjected to many pressures. The state of 
our economy is something that puts enor- 
mous pressure on me—inflation, the war, 
the standard of living. I feel a tremendous 
weight on my shoulders when we discuss 
economic problems. We've struggled to 
improve the standard of living for the peo- 
ple, and the people have sacrificed them- 
selves for this. So it is a moral obligation on 
our part. 

PLAYBOY: Mr. President, you say you don't 
like the high office, vet power in Nicaragua 
has become centralized around you. On 
July 20, 1979, vou entered Managua as 
one of nine members of the Sandinista 
directorate. that time, the Sandinistas 
spoke of having a “collective leadership” 


“Reagan was elected in 
1980, and that was the 
beginning of his obsession 
with us, the results of 
which we are still 
living with.” 


American revolutions. But now, more and 
more, one sees news reports of your edging 
out the other leading Sandinistas What's 
happening here? 

ORTEGA: That is a journalist's image—and 
you know how journalists always tend to 
look for power in an individual and empha- 
size it. I suppose that there's a logic to this, 
because through history in general, there's 
been a tendency for power to be concen- 
trated in an individual. 

Here in Nicaragua, that kind of logic has 
been broken with. We have a situation 
where the people were the protagonists and 
authors of the revolution. This is not a rev- 
olution that was done for the people by the 
national directorate of the Sandinista front. 
This is not a revolution that was made for 
the people by Daniel Ortega or Humberto 
Ortega or Tomas Borge or any of these com- 
pañeros as individuals. This is not a revolu- 
tion made for the people by a group of 
guerrillas who fought and defeated the 
National Guard and then came down into 
the Cities so as to be received by the people. 
This is a revolution that has been made by 
the people in the true sense of the word. 
That is, here people fought in the cities. 
PLAYBOY: But Mr. President, haven't you, 
fact, consolidated power? 

ORTEGA: We still have a collective leader- 


ship here; but, of course, that does not deny 
our need to develop a hierarchy for opera- 
tional purposes. So what we have been 
doing is to strengthen institutionalization 
of the revolutionary state. When the [San- 
dinista] directorate decided that I would be 
the Sandinista front's candidate for presi- 
dent, and when it decided that I would be 
coordinator of the executive commission of 
the Sandinista front, it did this conscious of 
the need to improve our mechanisms 
of implementation, to better unify our poli- 
cies. What we have is a gesture of con- 
fidence from the Sandinista directorate to 
one of its members—-Daniel Ortega—in 
giving me this responsibility. 

PLAYBOY: Friends of yours say that in the 
three years since the November 1984 elec- 
tion, you've grown much more comfortable 
with the idea of public office. They say that 
you've finally made the transition from 
guerrilla leader to politician. 

ORTEGA: Guerrilla work is similar to that of 
a missionary. You go from house to house in 
the underground, talking with people, talk- 
ing with the peasants, with people in the 
barrios. I've always had that kind of com- 
munication—especially before the tri- 
umph. And I've tried to maintain it. 

But I have more of a problem with the 
press, I have always fled from that. It is no 
secret that 1 am introverted. Even in the 
underground, when the compañeros wanted 
to take pictures, I refused. It seemed to me 
a question of beginning to be like an actor, 
which I don't want to be. In fact, this kind 
of public role has always involved an enor- 
mous effort on my part. The first time I was 
in the United States, for example, they put 
make-up on me when I appeared on TV. I 
had never put make-up on in my whole life. 
You feel bad—awkward there. You feel like 
a fool. 

PLAYBOY: But we sense that you're begin- 
ning to get into it. We watched you at that 
evangelical rally, and you seemed to be 
enjoying the public attention—the cam- 
eras, the crowds. 

ORTEGA: I don't know. I don't think so. I 
believe that communication with the press 
is necessary, but | don’t enjoy it. 

PLAYBOY: Let's talk about the war. What is 
your assessment of the Contras as a fighting 
force? It has been suggested in the U.S. that 
they just don’t fight very well. 

ORTEGA: I wouldn't say that. I do think that 
in a military confrontation, the moral ele- 
ment determines victory. It is always more 
important than the technical and material 
elements. But that is not to negate the tech- 
nical and combative capacity that the 
opponent might have. The Contras have 
shown themselves to be criminal—but I'm 
not going to say that they don't fight. They 
do—and they fight hard. I would say they 
fight as a result of their own mentality. 
There were some, for example. who killed 
themselves when they saw that they werc 
trapped by our forces. There was a famous 
Contra chieftain who blew himselfup with a 
grenade when he saw that he was going to 


(concluded on page 130) 


BLENDED SCOTCH WHISKY. 86.8 PROOF. IMPORTED BY CISTILLERS SOMERSET. N.Y. N.Y © 1985. 


OW where reps 
do reps 

They re called Isotonic 

Resistance Units, and 

FOUR-WHEEL BUSHIDO. theyre up on Capitol 
Hill. No, not a covert 
scam of Ollie North's. 
These are the Eagle 
Fitness Systems at the 
United States Congres- 
sional Workout Facility, 
a highly sophisticated 
regimen that’s tops at 
class fitness spas. The 
World Gym in Venice, 
California, offers a 12- 
station biomechanical 
blowout of a workout, 
as does Manhattan's 
the motorcycle hove turned out the tiniest ond hot- tony Vertical Club. 
Placards show which 

test rogtop—the Samurai. This snozzy four-wheel- muscles flex; weight 
stacks are changed 

drive sports truck with o wheelbose of less thon 80 from the initial exercise 
position. And that’s 

inches hos o 13-liter four-cylinder engine, not pumping irony 


Quick. What's the best-selling convertible in the 
United Stotes? No, it's nat from Detroit. From Ger- 
топу? Sweden? Italy? Wrong, wrong, wrong. 
Think Jopon and 
try Suzuki. Thot's 


right, the folks 


who brought us 


five-speed tronsmission ond Twist and Clout: Eagle's 
Rotory Torso 


оп unbelievoble price 
$7495. It con be customized for up to about $9500 


end signols Suzuki motor company’s big move in- 


10 the U.S. outo market. Of course, if you want 
something sleeker, a lot foster and just 
about os small, there's the brand-new su- 
percharged MR2 from Toyoto, о pocket 


rocket thot cronks aut on ostonishing 30 percent 


increase in horsepower, Estimoted price: $16,000. 


ideo 


When it comes to innovative video, Mother knows best. None other than Frank Zop- 
pa hos just stuck his nose into home entertoinment with o new compony colled— 
what else?—Honker Home Video. Titles set for release include Video from Hell (an 
МТУ toke-off), The True Story of 200 Motels (o documentory on the making of thot 
cult film) ond Uncle Meot (from the album of the some nome).. .. Who's the hottest 
music-video visionary in the land? It's Kent Burton, the 28-year-old stop-motion 3-D 
onimotor who concocted the dinosour segments of Pee-wee's Ployhouse. Burton is 
shifting his Soturdoy-morning wizordry to Peter Gabriel ond o long line of woiting 
rock ortists. ... The latest video gimmick comes from Hitachi, which is set to debut 
its astonishing new VT-2700A Super-VHS VCR, which lets the viewer соп 12 TV 
chonnels ot the some time. .. . Panasonic, meanwhile, makes VCR programming ul- 
troeasy with its high-tech bor-code wond, a light pen that scons ond commands. 


PAUL NATIN PHOTO RESERVE INC. 


Anchor date of the month 


JOAN ESPOSITO 
Age: 33 


Marital status: Single 


Stats: WLS-TV (ABC), Chicago, five PM; number one 


in the ratings 


Education: B.A. in ollied medicine, M.A. in commu- 


nity heolth education, Ohio State University 


Long-range goal: To be selected for NASA’s Journol- 
ists in Space Program. (She's one of 40 finalists.) 


Pet peeve: “People think I'm o pompered 


puss. Standing in toxic waste is not glamorous.” 
: “Men who like my sense of humor” 


Favorite dat. 


MANO-A-MONOL 


Soloing is definitely in. Storyteller Spalding Gray's 
Swimming to Cambodia hits video stores this month, 
and his The Terrors of Pleasure is sloted for early 
November on HBO. Another entertainer who likes 
to go it olone, Eric Bogosian, hos the critics tolk- 
ing with his off-Broadway ploy Talk Radio, os does 
avant-garde Brit Dovid Cale with his play/monolog 
The Redthroats. Monologist Mort Sohl is bock on 
Broodway this month to skewer the politicos, joining 
Jockie Mason, who mode history with his one- 


mon—naturolly—The World According 


PAMPERED 


POMPEO POSAR 


glamor 


оа HIT 
PICK 


Every TV scason has its cult 
hit: Miami Vice, Moonlight- 
ing, L.A. Law. Odds-on 
favorite for this fall's sweep- 
stakcs is ABC's [Jooperman, 
with John (Three's Company) 
Ritter as a private-eye/land- 
lord who gets into more 
zany trouble with the ten- 
ants inside than with the 
riflraff outside. It’s the latest 
showcase for Steven (L.A. 
Law) Bochco, on Wednes- 
days at nine p.m. E.S.T. Stay 


to Mel home and get Hoopered. 


STARS 


Just as the baby-boom genera- 
tion undergoes its own reproduc- 
tive explosion, Hollywood is having 
sympathetic labor pains. The first 
warning burble came last spring with 
the quintuplet comedy Raising Arizona. 
This month, an infant is dropped into the 
lap of hard-charging exec Diane Keaton 
in Baby Boom; at Christmas, Ted 
Danson, Steve Guttenberg and 
Tom Selleck sufer a similar 
fate in Three Men and a Ba- 


by. Then, it's Maybe 
Baby with Molly 
Ringwald, and 


She's Havinga Ba- 
by, with Kevin Ba- 
con and Elizabeth 
McGovern, Even 
TV gets into the act with 
the debut of ABC's tot laugher Thirty Some- 
thing. Yikes, the critters are everywhere. 


War Games: A trio of simulations 


Battle bytes 


Forget Donkey Kong; crank up the old 


PC ond get ready for thrills. Electronic 
gomes are back with a vengeance—on 
computers. Aimed ot smart odults, this 
new generation of gomes feotures 
graphic-vivid simulations, such as 
Conflict in Vietnom (MicroProse), which 
is based on the octual Southeast Asio 
compoigns. F-15 Strike Eagle (Micro- 
Prose) strops the 
player into a jet 
Electronic 


Flight 


fighter; 
Aris! Stor 
features aliens in 
270 stor systems— 
that's 


ond light- 


yeors from Pong. 


Contributors: Phil Cooper, Richard Lalich, Maury 
Levy, Peter Moore, Peter Sikowitz. 


82 


I 
| 
| 


PART ONE 


THE WOMAN AT THE CENTER OF THE PTL SCANDAL FINALLY TELLS WHAT 
HAPPENED TO HER AT THE HANDS OF JIM BAKKER 


The following is a record of conversa- 
tions held with Jessica Hahn, Robert Scheer 
of The Los Angeles Times and Playboy 
Executive Editor Barry Golson between 
July 11 and July 31, 1987. 


GOISON: You've been at the center of a 
fire storm—your sexual encounters with 
preachers Jim Bakker and John Fletch- 
er,* reports of extortion and hush mon- 
ey, Bakker's ouster from the PTL, Jerry 
Falwell’s take-over and your journey to 
this magazine. Where should we start? 
HAHN: This is supposed to be the year of 
the bimbos, right? So let's start with the 
fact that I am not a bimbo. I know that's 
how people see me, but I am not what 
Гус been made out to be—someone 
without thoughts or feelings or explana- 
tions. I am a human being. 

I was done in. I was hurt. The public 
does not know that I was used and ma- 
nipulated and hurt—physically and 
emotionally. That was never brought 
out. And I’m doing it now, in a way I 
know would never get reported in a fami- 
ly newspaper 

This has been a game to Jim Bakker 
and John Fletcher. It has been politics to 
Jerry Falwell. The news stories for half a 


*Fletcher has denied Hahn's version of 
his role in these events. 


year have said "affair." It was not an 
affair. I did not enjoy it. I hated it. I hate 
Jim Bakker for it. I hate John Fletcher 
for it. If it were just sleeping with some- 
body—no big deal. But there was a 
crime committed. There was politics in- 
volved. People forget, with the money 
scandals, why Jim Bakker became news- 
worthy in the first place. What happened 
to me was not something I wanted or 
asked for. It was not an affair, and it sure 
wasn't love. 
SCHEER: We've heard a lot about a 
“tryst.” 
HAHN: People use words like adultery 
and tryst and hush money. You know, 
two men had me in one day. I hated ev- 
ery second of it and it has ruined my life. 
And I took hush money, all right—mon- 
ey to hush them up. Whatever image of 
me has been floating out there—and I 
know what it is; I'm not stupid—it's the 
opposite of what I know I am. And I 
haven't been able to say so. Or I’ve said 
it badly. I've been treated as less than 
human, as a thing, as a pawn. And just 
because I don't have a Bible or a micro- 
phone—just because I don't draw mil- 
lions of people on TV—doesn’t mean 
Tm not human. 

"Those preachers, not just the ones in 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY DAVID SMALL 


the hotel room, have made me feel as if 
I don't count. “Shut up, Jessica, and 
God will bless you." Well, that's wrong. 
T've waited a long time to tell my story 
My way. All I have is my story —the raw 
truth. Ї суеп called Jerry Falwell one last 
time, and that’s what he advised, too— 
he may not have meant it exactly this 
way, but he said, “Tell the raw truth, 
Jessica.” And I will. Let people check 
the det: All the details. They're all 
Гуе got against their continuing lies. 
SCHEER: Why did it take so long? 

HAHN: Because I was told that I should 
keep quiet for everyone’s sake, that that 
was what God wanted me to do. That I 
was performing a service for God. 
“What you do silently, God will bless 
openly." I started out fighting and ended 
up a lamb. I tried to say what really hap- 
pened to me. But then you get caught up 
with these so-called Christians and you 
walk away feeling guilty. As if you did 
something wrong. 

GOLSON: You say your story hasn't come 
out, but a lot of people know who you are 
and what happened. 

HAHN: They know who the media say I 
am. And they've labeled me. I heard 
about one of the papers that had some 
stock pictures of me. An editor there 
said to give them the sluttiest picture 


they could find of me. You know, that 
scares me, the control they have. What 
they make available depends on whether 
they like you or not. It's all bait, any: 
way— me, Fawn Hall, Donna Rice. Do 
you think if they put Jim Bakker, Oliver 
North or Gary Hart on the front pages in 
a bathing suit, it would sell as well as the 
three of us? Bait, that’s all 

My story is about the media, too. 
‘They want a piece of the story and they 
say, “Tell us about it. If you don't talk to 
us, we'll go to. . . .” And they'll quote 
someone who's against you. And they all 
do it, not just the tabloids. 

At first, I gave parts of the story away, 
because I thought people would listen 
and hear what had been done to me. I've 
been incredibly naive. Every story had 
its own angle, and then it got more and 
more . . . out of control. People began 
climbing onto vans, climbing up on trees, 
taking pictures of every little move 1 
made. It’s been insane. 

SCHEER: Well, you are the woman who 
brought down the PTL. 

HAHN: Yeah, I know. It still hits me all 
the time, because I hate to see the people 
who believed in Bakker hurt. 

GOLSON: You're also the woman who 
took payments from the PTL—$265,000 
in reported blackmail. 

HAHN: Yes, I've been accused of black- 
mail, extortion—taking hush money. But 
who blackmailed who? Because I met 
a man with power and money, people 
automatically think they have my story 
“We've got her down.” But it’s not true 
ГИ tell you all about it when we come to 


“You know, when you're 14, these 
preachers are like rock stars.” 


“It was a Charismatic 
church. It changed my life.” 


it, but the only reason this thing is public 
is that they made it public. My most in- 
tense desire, as God is in heaven, was to 
handle this quietly. I took money. It was 
unbelievable, what they were doing, 
what they were threatening. So I found a 
lawyer—a church lawyer—and he said, 
“We're going to sign this, we’re going to 
sign that, and we're all going to shut up 
for 20 years.” I said, "Great! Where do 
I sign? Give me a dollar, give me 
$260,000, fine, let's end it! PI take it, 
just so we end it!” 

GOLSON: And you took the money 

HAHN: I took hush money to hush them 
up. But you should know that all I got 
was $20,000 and some monthly pay- 
ments from a trust fund. That's what 1 
found out I was getting when 1 finally 
asked 

GOLSON: What happened to the rest? 


How much did the lawyer get? 
HAHN: He received $95,000. I 
assumed he was a lawyer, but 
he told me that he was my “le- 
gal advisor." Paul Roper. He 
was actually going to law 
school. 

GOLSON: Why did you turn to 
someone whose background 
you didn’t know on such an im- 
portant legal matter? 

HAHN: Because it was am at- 
tempt to keep it within the 
church. And because I didn't 
know any better. 

But what I do know is that if 
I were as money hungry as I'm 
made out to be, I would have 
sued the people who have made 
money off me. But all I wanted 
was for it to go away. I don't 
think much about money, no 
matter what it seems like. I had 
$40 in my bank account last 
week, before Playboy. All I 
wanted to do was tell my story, 
have people listen to the other 
side. But it came out in bits and 
pieces and, as I said, it nearly 
drove me insane. 

SCHEER: You don't scem crazed. 
You seem defiant, confident. 
HAHN: If I am, it hasn't been 
for very long... . You know, I 
strictly depended оп these 
church people for everything. 
Until now. 

SCHEER: Which is probably a 
good place to start. Tell us 
about your church. 

HAHN: When I was 14, 1 walked 
into a church in Massapequa, Long 
Island. It was June 21, 1974. It was 
a Charismatic Pentecostal church, and 
1 was completely on my own. I 
was raised Catholic and I walked 
in there with my two-year-old broth- 
er. Nobody told me to do it. In fact, 
my parents probably would've preferred 
that I hadn't. But I was always alone, 
except for my little brother. When he 
was born, that was the answer to my 
prayer. He was everything. He filled a 
void. 

So when I walked into this church, it 
changed my entire life. I felt that it had 
everything I wanted. I instantly felt com- 
plete. I felt I belonged. I felt as if that 
was going to be my second family, and I 
thought, This must be what falling in 
love ıs like. You know, when you're 14, 
these preachers are like what rock stars 
are to 16-ycar-olds. 

GOLSON: You became totally wrapped up 
in the church? 

HAHN: Yes. I started to read the Bible 
and I began to become so involved and 
so taken, because these people were the 
closest thing to God. Nothing else mat- 
tered. If it were up to me, I'd never have 


New York were so beautiful.’ 


gone back to school. | wanted to be in 
that church, 

So I took on little jobs—baby-sitting, 
cleaning the toilet bowls. I did that for 
two vears. I did anything to make me a 
part of it. 

GOLSON: What was the church like? 
HAHN: Well, the thing that caught my at- 
tention happened іп the summer of *74. 
John Wesley Fletcher was visiting there. 
He was a traveling evangelist. There was 
a tent set outside the church—a big yel- 
low-and-white tent. It had a big light 
that circled the sky, and people were 
singing. When you are raised Catholi 
is very quiet, and that is beautiful. They 
choosc to worship that way, and that's 
nice. But in this church, everything was 
alive. There were lots and lots of pcople 
my age. There were tons and tons of pco- 
ple and activities. And the minute you 
walked in, they took your hand, told you 
to just come and be seated. And you felt 
wanted. 

SCHEER: More than you did at home? 
HAHN: There was love at home, but... . 
we weren't the Bradys or the Waltons. 
We didn’t sit by a fire at night and sit on 
each other's laps and hug and kiss. Гус 


I didn't know women from 


always needed that, I guess. 

I never knew my real father. 
He left after treating us in a 
very bad way. I have a sister 
who's three years older than me 
and a brother who's six years 
older. They remember him; 1 
don’t. My mother told me one 
thing: that on the day I was 
born, he refused to hold me. 

I don't know whether he's 
dead or alive. But my step- 
father came into the picture a 
few years after my mother di- 
vorced. When he came along, 
he just took control, took care 
of us, made us (есі... safe. He 
moved us away from there and 
loved us. 

Anyway, after we'd lived in 
Massapequa for a long time, 
Danny was born, and this is 
how all of this happened. 

Danny was everything to me. 
Thad lost a girlfriend, Carol, at 
the age of 14. She died and 
Danny ... I was afraid. I never 
wanted to get close to people 
again, not even in high school. 
All of the reporters have tried, 
but they haven't been able to 
find anything out about me, 
because I never socialized. 1 
hardly ever had dates. I was al- 
ways with Danny. 

SCHEER: How did that girl die? 

HAHN: She had a stroke or a 
brain hemorrhage. My mother 
told me that Carol died, and 
she was holding me and she 
said, "Just like I am holding 
you, God is holding her.” And that just 
put something in my mind. That's what 
opened my eyes to God. That's why I felt 
I wanted something more. And having 
the church there at that time was—il just 
fit, you know. That was it. 

SCHEER: Most 14-ycar-olds don’t just 
walk into a church. 

HAHN: Well, you have to understand, 1 
could hear the music from my home. A 
tent was set up the year I went there, and 
it was like a summer thing. I remember 
the song 1 first heard—Let’s Just Praise 
the Lord. It drew me in. My parents at 
first didn't understand; they saw this 
change in me. 1 always just wandered 
with Danny. But when they saw me get 
involved in this church, they saw me 
start living. 

GOLSON: Did you have a strong reaction 
to the preachers you met there? 

HAHN: Well, naturally, I wanted some- 
body to look up to. I had a loving family 
at home, but I liked the involvement 
at the church. It is obvious now that's 
what I was looking for—somebody in 
authority to kind of lead me around a lit- 
tle bit. 

GOLSON: What, exactly, was it that you 


found in the church? 

HAHN: I remember ] went back that 
night and saw these men, these preachers. 
And they're fierce. Especially these guys, 
they're real tough in their preaching. 
And I thought, God—that authority 
when they get into preaching. 

And I admired that. They didn’t hold 
back, and I hung on to every word. It 
was, like, head on. It wasn’t “OK, let's 
open to chapter. . ..” It was, like, “You 
don’t like it, you can leave; we need your 
seat, anyway!” 

Then John Fletcher would get up. He 
would single people out. He would know 
things about people. Fletcher called on 
me and said, “Young lady, you are very 
alonc,” and he knew me. I thought, Wow, 
God really loves me. John Fletcher an- 
nounced that God had a special plan for 
me, and he took me by the shoulders in 
front of the congregation. He put his 
hand on my head. I felt overwhelmed, 
joyous. I experienced the Lord for the 
first time. 
GOLSON: Did you feel that God was 
speaking through those preachers? 
HAHN: That is what I thought and that is 
what I felt. I said, “Well, God chose 
John Fletcher to tell me.” After that, you 
couldn't pull me away from there. You'd 
have to handcuff me. I lived so close to 
the church that Га go there every day 
and help them set up chairs and do this 
and that, And then John Fletcher or 
Gene Profeta—the regular pastor— 
would come up to me and say, “I always 
see you watching your little brother. 
Could you watch my son?” 1 thought, 
My God, he asked me to watch his son. 

You've got to understand—to me, this 
was like God talking. 

GOLSON: What was Fletcher's relation- 
ship to Profeta? 

HAHN: John was the 
traveling evangelist 
who would stop there 
and preach for a 
month or two, then go 
somewhere else. 

After watching 
Gene's children, I got 
to know his family re- 
ally well. I was so 
insecure. I always 
wanted to be special; 
I always wanted to be 
in on something. I 
hated being on the 
outside looking in; 
I still do. I always 
felt maybe ıhere was 
something missing. I 
always felt very dif- 
ferent. And that is 
God's honest truth. 
GOLSON: Did you be- 
gin to date boys? 
HAHN: No, I was 
afraid of them. People 


would try to make dates with me and 1 
would say yes because I have such a hard 
time saying no. I hate to hurt people's 
feelings, I swear. So I would say yes and 
then tell my mother to just tell them 1 
was sick or something. 1 would hide; 1 
would do anything to get out of it. 

I knew what I really wanted—some- 
body bigger than me and stronger than 
me. Someone who had lived a little. 
Someone able to direct me and love me. 
And that's what the church did for me. 

It also put me in contact with John 
Fletcher and his family when I baby-sat 
for him. 

GOLSON: How did you feel around him? 

HAHN: I wanted to belong. I remember 
in 1976, I was in John's house with his 
family. It was June, so I was only 16. Ev- 
crything happens in June, 1 was at his 
house, getting ready for a banquet. In 
those days, we used to wear gowns to the 
church at night. John was in the kitchen 
and I was there and he was combing his 
hair and asked me to blow-dry it for him. 
Then his daughter came into the kirchen 
and kissed him and said, “Hi, Daddy.” 
And I suddenly felt like I was part of his 
family. 1 felt 1 wasn't just the baby sitter. 

I was part of both families—Fletcher's 
and Gene Profeta's. 1 remember Christ- 
mas Eve trying to put the kids’ toys to- 
gether. That was my life. Any time they 
called, I ran. 1 was happy to take a full- 
time job there as the pastor's secretary 
when he otlered it to me. 

The first Bible that I ever received was 
from John Fletcher's tutor. After that, I 
just bought different versions. I don’t 
know how many Bibles 1 have—I must 
have 50 now—and I would just read and 
study, because when Gene or John 
preached, I wanted to know what they 


"Bakker says, 'I don't know if I'll 


make it if I don't get this help. 


were talking about. The whole reason for 
my wanting to be close to them was that 
1 thought if they could just put in a good 
word to God for me, they'd teach me 
about everything that I loved. They were 
so close to God, you know. And church 
was my whole life. Friday night was 
church; Saturday night was choir prac- 
tice; Sunday night was church; Tuesday 
morning was church; Wednesday morn- 
ing was church — 
GOISON: It sounds like an addiction. 
HAHN: That's what I'm saying to try to 
explain my obsession with these people. 
But don't confuse my love for God, 
which ГИ always have, with my obses- 
sion with these ministers. I read the 
Bible from cover to cover. I sent away to 
The PTL Club—which 1 was already 
watching every day—for a home Bible- 
study course that was really effective. 
You were a PTL member? 
HAHN: Yes. A partner. I sent in dona- 
tions—I tried to make it $15 a month. 
GOISON: On your church salary of how 
much? 
HAHN: About $80 a weck. 
SCHEER: Didn't you have any friends out- 
side the church—a circle of girls to gos- 
sip with? 
HAHN: I didn’t. The way I learned about 
sex—and this is the truth and it sounds 
corny—I would go to the library and get 
one of those big books and I'd sit and 
learn what everything was, how it 
worked, why it did that. And I would 
read and read and read. And that’s how 
I got my education in that area—while 
everybody else was out, you know, fool- 
ing around. 

1 wasn't abnormal. There were people 
1 thought were good-looking and Га 
flirt. But I never got involved. I had may- 
be two dates belore 
1980. I thought about 
what it would be like 
to get past a certain 
point with somebody, 
but I would never, ev- 
er, ever be able to do 
that in life, because I 
was so petrified of it 
GOLSON: Didn't you 
have crushes on bovs, 
the way teenagers do? 
HAHN: ] would be a 
liar if 1 said that 
didn’t happen, but 1 
didn’t think about it 
constantly, It actually 
confused the hell out 
of me. 
GOLSON: Did you have 
any crushes on your 
ters? 
HAHN: No! What hap- 
pened was that I 
would measure po- 
tential boyfriends 
against them. My 


"I'm crying, and he's talking off the wall. ‘When you help 
the shepherd, you're helping the sheep.’ Crazy stuff.” 


problem is, I've always been involved 
with people at the top of something. 
Whoever was in charge, I wanted to be 
closest to him. 

GOISON: Older men, men in authority, 
men in control? 

HAHN: If we're going to be honest, yeah. 
1 felt safe around them, I felt good. 
GOISON: You describe Profeta as your 
spiritual guide. But he has been de- 
scribed in the papers as rich and flam- 
boyant. That's a litle hard for people 
outside the church to understand. 

HAHN: Since I never had anyone else to 
compare him with, it was perfectly un- 
derstandable in my eyes. But I will say 
this about his spiritual side: At least he 
didn't hide what he was—or what he 
wore. When I later came to know who 
John Fletcher was, I recalled how he 
used to put on an old, cheap suit and 
then ask us before he went on the plat- 
form to preach, “Do I look humble 
enough?” 

SCHEER: Going back to the pre-1980 peri- 
od, did either of the preachers ever make 
a pass at you? 

HAHN: Never. They began trusting in me 
100 percent with their children, their 
families, their homes, But as I began to 
work there, I started to grow up a little. 


I got to know people coming in and out, 
ministers and everybody. Then I started 
to lose weight, to grow up into a whole 
other person. Very different. I was more 
in control than before; I wasn't so depen- 
dent on getting them to like me. 

I also was good at what I did—help- 

ing run the church. I was good at making 
people feel good. When I say that, I 
mean helping church people who came 
in with problems. I'd be on the phone 
with men and women who would call in 
distress, some bedridden, sometimes at 
two in the morning. I began to just take 
calls. My main thing, actually, was to 
pray for people on the phone. 
SCHEER: But even with the good work, 
why did it have to be so all-consuming? 
HAHN: The way I felt, nothing else mat- 
tered. TV wasn't interesting to me; going 
shopping or going out wasn't the thing. Tt 
didn’t turn me on, in plain English, 

I walked into that church at a young 
age and I was very insecure and very 
sensitive and [ wanted to feel wanted. I 
wanted to be needed. I wouldn't just be 
“that girl" —I would be Jessica. And it 
happened, too. Everybody knew me as 
Jessica. Just call the church; Jessica will 
be there. I had an identity. 


I see things differently today. I'm 
angry. But I still love God. And people 
forget that about me—that I was 20 and 
wore church gowns and didn't know 
much about life. They confuse that per- 
son with Jessica Hahn seven years later, 
and I know a lot more about life, Mostly 
about how easily—how stupidly—led I 
was. I mean, I had a sign on my back 
reading, GIVE ME SOME DIRECTION. 

GOISON: By 1980, you'd begun to change 
physically. 

HAHN: Yes. One day, John Fletcher 
walked in the office—and I was 20, not 
15. He said, “God, you really grew 
up. You really look great.” And he 
just... started to look at me as more of a 
woman than a little girl. But it wasn't 
bad. It was like a compliment from 
somebody in your family. 

About ten months later—December 
fourth—he called me up and said, 
“Look, I'm in Florida. I'm doing a tele- 
thon. There’s somebedy I really want 
you to meet and I know you'd really en- 


joy him.” He told me it was Jim Bakker. 


GOLSON: Where was he calling from? 
HAHN: An airport. He was with Bakker, 
he said. He knew I watched Bakker on 
television every moming and that I liked 
him. Everybody knew Jim Bakker. 


So he said, “You've really helped me 
and my family; I'd like to treat you and 
have you fly down to Florida, "cause my 
family's going to be here and you'll have 
a good time. You'll meet a lot of people. 
Just come on down.” 

Well, that was the greatest thing in the 
world to me. Like I said, I watched the 
Bakkers constantly. In fact, I bought my 
own first TV—a black-and-white—es- 
pecially to watch him 
GOLSON: And his TV show was built 
around the folksy family theme, right? 
HAHN: Yeah, and that meant a lot, be- 
cause it was a down-South, wholesome 
program. Any age could watch. And I 
liked what he was doing. I admired it. 
The ironic thing was, before I went down 
there, I read this one book by Bakker 
probably two dozen times. It was called 
8 Keys to Success. I kept reading it. I 
guess I was obsessed because I was so 
interested in the way he and Tammy rose 
out of nothing to be king and queen of 
this whole empire. I read this book be- 
cause I wanted to learn; I wanted to see 
what kind of faith he must have carried it 
on. 

SCHEER: Why his book in particular? 
HAHN: I was able to identify with it. It 
was about trusting God and not trusting 
anyone else or anything clsc. And it was 
so powerful. 

I was obsessed with this man. How 
was he able to do all of this? I wanted 
something like that in life—where 7 
could reach that many people or do 
something that good. 

So when this call came in, it was, like, 
“Dm going to ask him how he 
did it, what his secret was,” 
"cause John Fletcher made it 
seem like it would just be me, 
John and Jim and the family. 
SCHEER: Had Fletcher ever 
talked about Bakker before? 
HAHN: No. But I'd seen Fletch- 
er on TV with him. So by this 
time, I was really excited about 
seeing him. It was almost like 
an answer to a prayer. 

SCHEER: You say you'd changed. 
Were you dressing a little more 
sexy? 

HAHN: Probably. My figure 
probably changed a lot, you 
know. 

SCHEER: So do you think that 
Fletcher's comment to you 
about looking like a grown 
woman had been more than a 
compliment? 

HAHN: No. And I’m not stupid. 
I would have seen it. Maybe 1 
didn’t look for it. It was just 
like when you see relatives 
and they say, “My goodness, 
haven't you grown up." I know 
what you're asking, because of 
the way I dress now and my 


pictures and my sunglasses and my boots 
and jeans and stuff. Though, you know, 
Гуе been wearing sunglasses since I was 
a kid—this isn’t something new. And 
how I look, my bark is louder than what- 
ever else. But the thing is, Гуе grown to 
like myself and my body and looking 
pretty. Back then, when I was 21, I most- 
ly wore church gowns or the dresses I 
could afford on my church pay 

GOISON: However you looked, had you 
noticed any difference in Fletcher's atti- 
tude before you went to Florida? 

HAHN: No. I noticed a change in his per- 
sonality, but I thought it was me. I 
thought it was because I hadn't seen 
him, or maybe I had changed. I didn't 
think about it much. But he did not flirt 
with me then. He didn't come on. 
SCHEER: When Fletcher invited you to 
Florida, did he know you idolized Bakker? 
HAHN: Oh, everybody knew it. Every- 
body who walked through that office 
knew it. Bakker was somebody I looked 
up to tremendously. I hung on every 
word he said. 

GOLSON: What happened then? 

HAHN: John Fletcher said he would make 
all the arrangements. A prepaid ticket 
would be waiting for me. I left Saturday 
morning; I flew alone. John met me at 
the airport in Tampa and the first thing 
out of his mouth was, “Don't I look 
good?” Meaning him. 

SCHEER: Didn't that strike you as being 
abrup? You пади? seen hirn in арош a 
year and the first words out of his mouth 
were “Don't I look good?” 

HAHN: He was always very vain. So I 


“So he got up, used 
my hairbrush and left.” 


kind of understood it then as him just 
being conceited and vain. John was al- 
ways worried about every strand of hair, 
and he was always in competition with 
somebody. You know, “Don’t I look bet- 
ter than so-and-so?” He would joke 
about it, but you could sense he was al- 
ways competing with somebody. So 
when he said that, it seemed very typical 
to me. 

He started telling me that he had this 
liver problem from drinking. He said, 
You look really good. I really am glad 
you came here.” 

We went to the baggage carrousel and 
he took my bags. He had a rented car. 
GOLSON: But so far, he hadn't behaved 
any differently toward you? 

HAHN: No. Every: 
old John. I didn't 

So I said to him, “Where is every- 
body?” And he said the beach. And I 
said, “Why didn’t they meet me at the 
airport?” And he goes, “I want to talk to 
you" 

SCHEER: Who is everybody? 

HAHN: Everybody is Jim Bakker's family. 
John’s family, children. I thought onc of 
the kids might have showed up with 
John. So 1 got in this car, and that’s 
when things started to sound weird. Be- 
cause then he started telling me about 
Jim Bakker. First of all, he said Jim 
Bakker was having problems with the 
FCC and that the newspapers were rip- 
ping him apart. I remember saying, 
“John, why does he give the newspaper 
people so much air time?” So he says. 
“Well, the FCC's on him and now 
they're looking at his taxes or 
the diversion of funds" or this 
and that. 

Then he said, “And he’s also 
having a problem with his 
wife." So I said, “Really? 
What's the problem?” He goes, 
“Well, she’s seeing someone 
else.” And I said, “John, what 
are you talking about?” 1 
mean, to me they were like Mr. 
and Mrs. Brady of The Brady 
Bunch. He said, “Well, she 
has a key to [country-Gospel 
singer] Gary Paxton's post- 
office box, and that's how they 
communicate."* I said, "How 
do you know that?” He said, “I 
was in the car with Jim and 
Tammy and Tammy started 
crying and showed him the key 
and all these dramatics.” 

So I figured it was just some- 
thing John was saying to show 
me how close he was to Jim 
Bakker, trying to impress me 
So he says, “You know, Jessica. 
Jim and I are going to have our 


*Paxton has denied having had 
any sexual involvement with 
Tammy Bakker. 


own show.” 1 said, “Really? When's this 
going to happen?” because he was on, 
like, every other day. He goes, “Its 
going to be soon. Ill be Jim and 
John's Show or something like that.” And 
I said, “Well, that's really great.” 1 
mean, he could have told me he was buy- 
ing the Brooklyn Bridge and I would 
have believed him. The old aura was still 
there. 

So he told me that Tammy and Jim 
were having these problems and he be- 
gan to say that Jim Bakker was just out 
of his mind. And I said, “What do you 
mean?” And he says, “He just doesn't 
know what he wants to do. The man 
wants to kill himself.” 

So I said, “John, what are we talking 
about?” And he went on to say that Tam- 
ту... you know . . . he got into really 
detailed things. [Pauses] 

GOLSON: What detailed things? 

HAHN: All right. Detailed things mean- 
ing, you know, Jim was having a problem 
with her sexually. “Jim is really in a bad 
way and I've got to help him,” he says. 
“Гуе really got to help him, because he 
doesn’t have anybody else he can trust.” 

I said, “John, why are you even telling 
me this?” He goes, “Well, ‘cause you’re 
part of the family. I can tell you.” 

So he was starting to build up this 
personal relationship that never was 
between me and him. I mean, our rela- 
tionship was more like he was the boss 
and I was the secretary or the baby sit- 
ter. We didn’t have this close relationship 
where we sat around and talked about 
people's sex lives. 

GOLSON: So, in that car ride, he was shift- 
ing ground. 


“Fletcher threw me to the floor. 
“You're going to remember me!” 


HAHN: Yeah, very much so. I mean, it 
was about a 25-minute drive and he 
shifted a lot. But I was still thinking, 
Well, when we get to the hotel, maybe 
Jim's family. . .. 

SCHEER: By then, how were you feeling 
about the wholesome-family TV image? 
HAHN: Well, you have to understand that 


“I'm watching TV. Fletcher says, ‘Jim, 


God really ministered to us today. 


I was well aware that Jim Bakker always 
cried on TV. He had problems with his 
wife; they would be open about that on 
TV. But in my mind, they were together 
and, well, they were just going to work 
things out. I was starting to feel uneasy. 
I didn’t know whether to believe John 
or not. I didn’t know quite how to read 
him. And it did spoil my image of them 
to a point. But not totally, because I 
didn’t know. I expected to go there and 
see them trying to work things out. And I 
expected to see them at the hotel—to- 
gether. 

We got to the hotel, John carrying my 
bags and telling me to walk behind him. 
1 walked behind him and we went to an 
eleyator. He didn’t go to the desk; he al- 
ready had a key. 

SCHEER: To your room? 

HAHN: Yeah. To my room. He had it in 
his pocket. We walked in the room. 
There were two beds—queen, I think, or 
full. He brought my bags in and I re- 
member wanting to hang my stuff up, be- 
cause he told me we were going to go to 
the telethon and I was really concerned 
about meeting these people and looking 
decent. I wanted to hang things up. 
Something was wrong with the closet. I 
remember this. | remember John telling 
me to forget the closet—he actually said, 
“Fuck the closet.” He never used lan- 
guage like that. Not around me, ever. 
Then he said, “Come here.” 


That's when things started; he was 
getting too relaxed. Something was 
funny. When he said that, I said, “John, 
what's the matter with you?” He says, 
“Nothing, I'm fine.” And he was acting 
cocky. He goes, “Come here, Jessie.” 
SCHEER: Was he drunk? 

HAHN: Well, 1 know he has a drinking 
problem, but there was something else 
happening. I think the guy has other 
problems. 

SCHEER: How old is he? 

HAHN: At that time, he was probably 
about 42, 43. So Jim Bakker was—how 
old was Jim Bakker? I remember he was 
going to turn 40 in January. So he was 
39, God. That seems young. 

GOLSON: It is. 

HAHN: So, anyway, he comes up to me 
and says, “I want you to have this.” It 
was a glass of white wine. He takes the 
glass, takes my hand and says, " Jessica, 
take this. Let's go over there.” He poi 
ed to the balcony. He says, “Relax g 1 
was nervous and hadn't eaten all day. 
And I hadn't slept much, ‘cause I was 
anxious. So just keep that in mind. So he 
gives me the glass — 

SCHEER: You'd had wine before? 

HAHN: Oh, I had wine before, though 1 
don’t usually finish a glass of wine. But it 
never had this effect on me before. 

So we go to the balcony and I have this 
glass in my hand. I’m on the left and 
John is on the right. There's a balcony 
above a huge pool with bamboo stuff; 
there's a bar; there's a band playing this 
island-type music—drums beating. 
I heard Caribbean drums all that 
afternoon, like voodoo; they never 
stopped. And then, away from that, 
is the beach—the sand, the ocean 
and these hooded lounge things that 
you lie on that protect you from the 
sun 

So I’m here and John’s on the 
right. I know the guy did not have 
wine in his hand. And Jim Bakker 
gets up—he’s down there, you 
know. I don’t know if he whistled or 
Jim looked up. 1 don’t know how 
they made contact. Jim Bakker’s 
down there. He stands up—he's in a 
terrycloth bathing suit. He waves to 
John and says hello. Tammy Sue is 
there—his daughter. So I thought, 
Well, there’s a member of his fami- 
ly. Tammy Sue calls up, “John 
Wesley, who's that?” In the South, 
they always use middle names. So 
John says, “It’s one of the part- 
ners,” meaning me, I guess, one of 
the people who support the PTL 

So John tells me to just relax. To 
finish up and freshen up if I want— 
he's going to go downstairs lo get 
Jim. So he goes down to get Bakker. 
I wanted to freshen up after the 
plane ride, so I jump in the shower, 
real quick, jump out, get dressed 


again, and John and Jim come to the 
room. Jim Bakker walks in with sand all 
over him. Barefoot. In his bathing suit. 
SCHEER: This is the first time you've ever 
met him? 

HAHN: First time. 

GOLSON: And despite what Fletcher has 
told you, the hero worship is still there? 
HAHN: Oh, stronger than ever. Any nega- 
tive feelings I had had left. "Cause I saw 
the daughter. And because he walked in 
in his bathing suit, I thought, He feels 
comfortable. That’s how I felt. The guy 
feels comfortable with me; I was glad 
about that. 

So he walks in and says to me, “1 
didn't know women from New York were 
so beautiful.” Those are his first words. 
And I laughed and I... . and I looked at 
him. We're the same height. I'm 5'4"; 
he's no taller. He took my hand. His 
hand was like jelly. 

We sat down. I’m sitting in a chair. 

There's a table here, The bed's here. Jim 
Bakker is on the edge of the bed and 
John’s in a chair. So John and I are fac- 
ing each other and Jim's here. And I re- 
member that both of them just did 
this. . . . [Rubs her thigh 
SCHEER: They seemed nervous? 
HAHN: I don't know why; they were hy- 
per as hell. Fletcher was sitting there say- 
ing, “I've known this girl for seven years. 
She’s a tremendous girl. She’s helped 
me in the church. She takes care of my 
family.” 


He’s giving Jim Bakker this back- 


“Jerry Falwell knew how 
down I was. But he used me.” 


ground. But by this time, I’m feeling 
sick. I mean, sick sick. I’m cold and feel- 
ing funny—like I’m going to get sick. 
But I’m embarrassed, because here I'm 
waiting to meet this guy and I’m feeling 
sick. I don't want to make a scene. I 
don't want to fall on the floor or any- 
thing. So I said to John, “Look, I'm not 
feeling well.” But 1 was embarrassed and 
afraid to make a big deal out of it. He 
goes, “Ah, it’s the flight; you're just 
tired.” 

So John is sitting and were talking 
and I said, “Where is the rest of the 
family?” And Jim Bakker says to me, 
“They're not here. My wife is in Califor- 
nia and were going through a separa- 
tion.” 

So this is weird. I’m feeling dizzy, like 
you're on the verge of sleeping but you're 
not, and you're absorbing everything 
they're saying and you want to say some- 
thing but you can't. I’m not sleeping. 
I'm awake. I'm listening. But it's like 1 
want to talk and I can't and I'm afraid if 
I open my mouth, I'll embarrass myself, 
because 1 was not able to think. It was 
like I didn’t feel right. I don’t know why. 
GOLSON: You later said in a taped state- 
ment to Paul Roper that you believed 
that the wine was drugged. Do you still? 
HAHN: I don’t know what was in that 
wine. When I first told Paul about it, he 
asked, “Was the wine drugged?” I just 
said its effect could have been a combina- 
tion of things—no food, not much sleep, 
being overwhelmed. All I knew was that 
I felt sick and didn’t know why. It 
crossed my mind, but I don’t really 
know what was in that glass, only 
how I felt. 

SCHEER: OK, Bakker’s talking to 
you. 

HAHN: Yes, Jim Bakker is talking to 
me—about Tammy. He’s saying 
that emotionally, she belittles him. 
And he's saying that sexually, he is 
unhappy with her. And I would 
stand in a court of law to prove that 
this is the truth—he did say, “Tam- 
my уед 15 too and cannot satis- 
fy me.” He said he could not feel 
her. Those were his words. He de- 
nies that, calls me a liar. And Tam- 
my’s a human being and I don't like 
saying this, but I'm telling you, he 
said that. Hook me up to a machine. 

So he’s saying this, and I gave 
John one of these looks. John Fletch- 
cr says, “Jim, tell Jessica. Maybe 
she can help.” Then Bakker gets all 
serious and quiet, like he does on 
TV when he cries. He says, “I don’t 
know if I'm going to make it.” 
That's how Jim Bakker began. m 
thinking, Um gonna fall off my 
chair, and, by now, I didn't care 
about being embarrassed, because 1 
felt awful, and I was thinking, This 
can't be, (continued on page 178) 


89 


DN HER DIES 


no longer a victim, Jessica Hahn emerges 
in a glamorous portfolio of photographs 


“77 


hese pictures are 
a celebration of a new life for me. A 
new beginning. For the first time in 
my life, someone took the time to 
ask, “Jessica, what do you want?” No 
one had ever done that before, 
certainly not the church. Playboy 
did. That's why the pictures are as 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA important as the story.” 


91 


Jessicc's comments while leafing thraugh her family phata album: In 
the phato above left, “that’s me at the age of three, autside my 
grandfather's hause in East Rackaway, New York. My mother had 
recently married my stepfother—my father left us before my third 
birthday—and shortly after this picture wos taken, we maved to 
Lang Island, where | grew up.” In the phota above right, “that’s me 
at П, after Communion in a Catholic church in Massapequa. Ironi- 
cally, right across the street, in the direction I'm facing, was Mas- 
sopequa Tabernacle Church, where ! worked as a church secretary 
and where | met John Fletcher, the man wha intraduced me ta Jim 
Bakker, One could say af this picture that | had Jesus behind me 
and hell in front of me.” In the phata at right, “that’s me and my 
little brother, Danny, in 1985. Не was born when I was 12, and 1 just 
loved him from the day | first saw him. 1 didn’t have much of  sacial 
life in schaal, so I used ta rush home every day to take care of him. 
We were inseparable. He's 16 now, and he's supported me through 
all this.” in the phata below right, “that’s my mam and stepdod, in 
front af their house on Long Island. 1 think of him as my ded, be- 
cause he raised me. Dod's extremely patriotic. The twa things he 
loves mast are my mother and his cauntry In the photo belaw left, 
“that’s my mom, my grandfather, Danny and me. | was 21 when this 
was token. That's what | looked like when | met Jim Bakker” 


= 
o do this in 
Playboy —which 
is probably the 
most ironic, the 
most farfetched 
idea for a church 
secretary—is 
probably unbe- 
lievable to peo- 
ple... . But I 
fought a long time 
to start feeling 
good about 
myself and my 
body again. I 
fought a long time 
to feel like a 
woman.” 


f people 


want to make fun 
of me, they can— 
I don’t care. I am 
not living my life 
for them any- 
more. To me, this 
is a creation. I 
am not being 
immoral or any- 
thing. I am doing 
something that 
says, “Jessica is 
not a robot. She is 
not to be used 
and thrown out. 
She is an 
individual.’ ” 


MA... 


AND MONEY AT 
FOOTBALL 
CAMP 


WELCOME 
O THE N.FL.'S PREMIERE 


SCOUTING EVEN 


WHERE THE G.M.S, AGENTS 


AND COACHES ARE 
LOOKING FOR 


A FEW GOOD MEN 


HE early-morn- 

ing flight from 

Pittsburgh to 

Indianapolis is 

mostly business 
people, studying The Wall Street Jour- 
nal. They settle in, order coffee from 
the flight attendants and attack the 
endless gray columns of type and the 
seas of tiny numbers. A few of them 
even take notes. 

But there are perhaps half a dozen 
passengers who do not fit the mold. For 
one thing, they do not wear business 
suits. They're dressed in sweaters, 
jeans and cowboy boots. 

But it isn’t just their clothing that 
sets these guys off and tells you they are 
different. These men are big, and not 
merely large. They are big and power- 
ful, radiating strength and a kind of ap- 
pealing brutality. They are much too 
big for the airplane seats, and when 
two of them sit next to each other, the 
effect is almost comic. They could be 
grownups sitting in furniture designed 
for children. 

None of the big men reads the Jour- 
nal. None of them reads anythin 
Some steep and some lock out the win- 
dows and some just sit, not bored but 
utterly (continued om раве 104) 


article 
BY GEOFFREY NORMAN 


ILLUSTRATION BY ROBERT GIUSTI 


fiction By GEORGE ALEC EFFINGER 


rosa’s relationship 
with joel had 

lost its glow. 

so they decided to 
add a spark 


osa TOMCZIK watched her 
husband build up the 
campfire. He dropped on a 
double handful of sticks 
and branches, and the 
flame blazed brighter, 
sending sparks into the ev- 
ergreen boughs overhead. As the fire 
died, Rosa waited for contentment, She 
waited five minutes. She waited five min- 
utes more, and she realized that she did, 
alter all, feel something, but it wasn't 
contentment. What she felt was anxious 
suspense. Rosa had felt that way ever 
since her husband, Joel, had surprised 
her with the suggestion that they take 
this vacation. 

Joel hadn't taken a single day offin the 
12 years they'd been married; he was a 
workaholic, a dynamo, the Führer of Sev- 
enth Avenue. He had started out as a 
salesclerk in his father's small dress 
shop, and now he owned more than 
300 fashion outlets in shopping malls 
across the country. Whenever Rosa had 
brought up the subject of a vacation, Joel 
always said that he had his empire to 
protect. Which made it all the stranger 
that he had proposed this biking tip 
around the countryside. 

Rosa took a can of inscet repellent out 
of her pack and sprayed her arms, hands 


and face. She walked around the fire and 
offered the can to Joel. He sprayed him- 
selfand gave it back to her, and she went 
back to her pack and stowed it. Then she 
looked across the campfire at her hus- 
band. “So tell me,” she asked, “is this 
trip saving our marriage or what?” 

In the twilight, she saw him shrug. 
“It's just too early to tell,” he said 

She started to reply, closed her mouth, 
then lay down in her sleeping bag and 
turned her face away from him. She 
didn’t fall asleep for a long time; she was 
too busy thinking 

In the morning, over coffee, bacon and 
eggs, Joel took out a creased and tom 
map. “There's a state forest less than а 
day's ride from here. We'll make the 
campground by suppertime. We can 
spend a little while looking at flowers 
and butterflies and stuff,” he said. Rosa 
was irritated by his condescending 
assessment of her life's work in biochemi- 
cal research: "flowers and butterflies and 
stuff.” 

Rosa pedaled mightily to keep up with 
her husband's furious pace while the 
land altered gradually from farms and 
empty fields into thick stands of pine and 
spruce. And then a wooden sign told 
them the state forest was 15 miles far- 
ther. An hour later, they were there: 


ILLUSTRATION BY PATER SATO 


A profound and unbreakable hush 
wrapped them almost immediately. Rosa 
stared at Joel's sweat-streaked back and 
wondered what he, the blousemonger, 
her off-the-rack-tycoon husband, was 
thinking about. 

She also wondered where Joel was 
planning to stop for the night. They had 
already passed several areas set aside for 
campers and recreational vehicles. Her 
husband had made it clear that he didn't 
want to use these campsites; he'd rather 
go out into the real forest. And Rosa 
didn't get a vote in the matter. 

After another hour, Joel announced, 
“Let's get off the trail.” They 
mounted their bikes and, Joel still insist- 
ing on leading the way, plowed deeper 
and deeper into the silent forest. They 
finally came to a stream, and Joel sud- 
denly decided they had gone far enough. 
Rosa glanced at him; he seemed 
strangely elated. 

That evening, after supper had been 
prepared and eaten and the dishes 
washed, they stared into the flickering 
flames of their fire. As usual, they had 
nothing to say. Rosa studied Joel's face; 
his new intensity troubled her. They had 
had a bitter confrontation previous to 
this trip, and Joel—livid at the pros- 
pect of losing (concluded on page 170) 


103 


PLAYBOY 


104 


MEAT AND MONEY (continued from page 101) 


“A good draft can mean a good year. A great draft can 
mean a dynasty. A bad draft can cost a coach his job.” 


calm. People all over the plane turn to 
sneak a look at these big, tranquil men. 
the way they would have at Dustin 
Hollman and Meryl Streep if they had 
been passengers out of Pittsburgh this 
morning. 

“You must be, ah. a football player” 
the seatmate of one of the big men savs 

“Thats right.” By now. a few passen 
ognized two of the big 

and D. J. Dozier. 
e team that beat 
а win the college national cham- 
pionship less than à month ago- 

“Where are you fellows going?” 
“the man answers. 
It is the only stop on this flight, so he 
isn't giving away much with this answer. 
“Ah, anything special going on in In- 
dianapolis?” 

“Scouting combine. That's what they 
call it,” the big man says, “but what it 
actually is . . .is a big fucking meat mar- 
ket.” 


б 
Well, there are markets in everything 
(as any reader of The Wall Street Journal 
knows), so it shouldn't come as any sur- 
prise that there is a market in football 
players. This усаг, 123,000,000 people 
watched the Super Bowl. Advertisers 
paid more than $500,000 for cach 30-scc- 
ond commercial during the game. The 
television networks’ last contracts with 
the National Football League were for 
2.1 billion dollars over five years. (The 
league took a slight—very slight—cut 
this time out.) When quarterback Jim 
Kelly signed with the Bills, his contract 
was estimated to be worth $8,000,000. 

So, yes, there is a market in football 
players. Bet your sweet ass, as the play- 
ers on the plane from Pittsburgh would 
probably have put it. 

The Indianapolis meat market is the 
final chance for sellers to show their stuff 
and for buyers to look over the merchan- 
dise. The affair lasts for the best part of a 
week, with 330 players coming in from 
all over the country. The players have 
been invited by National Football Scout- 
ing Combine, Inc., an organization that 
supplies scouting reports to client teams. 
Every team in the league participates in 
this event. It is a chance for coaches and 
scouts—as well as doctors, owners and 
general managers—to take a good look 
at this year's rookies. There is no con- 
tact, only running, jumping, weight lift- 
ing and such. But coaches claim that it is 
a great opportunity for them to evaluate 
talent, especially when it is all virtually 


side by side, in the same room. 

Three months after Indianapolis, the 
teams will be drafting players for the 
1987 season. A good draft can mean a 
good vear. A great draft can lead to a dy- 
nasty. A bad drafi can cost a coach or 
a general manager his job and leave а 
wam flailing around. trying to make 
up ground with trades and luck and 
finishing, 

For a plave 
mean a lot of money. 


evitably, out ol the money 

being drafted сапу can 
А man drafted in 
the first round can expect to sign a four- 
year contract for an average salary of 
about $400,000 а vear. A man drafted in 
the second round will also sign for four 
years. but at $250,000 a year. Alter vou 
have factored in bonuses and in 
the firstrounder will si 


s. at an average of S1 06,000 a усаг. A 
en on the 12th and final round 
will average 575.000 with a two-vear 
contract 

So the five-day allair in Indianapolis is 
a serious market for some serious meat. 

On the day the men from Pittsburgh 
arrive. the big news is a player from the 
iversity of Florida. His s Jeff 
Zimmerman and he weighs 341 pounds 
There is no way of knowing how he man- 
ages to sit in any airplane seat 

While the men on the flight from Pitts- 
burgh are getting checked in at the 
Union Station Holiday Inn, Jcff Zimmer- 
man is showing perhaps 200 scouts, 
coaches, G.M.s and even а couple of 
owners what 341 pounds on a good man 
can do, 

The workouts at Indianapolis are 
closed —no spectators, no reporters. The 
results of Zimmerman's workout are 
confidential. available to the айз of 
National Football Scouting and the 28 
N.F.L. teams that each ponied up 
enough to cover the $1,000,000 it cost to 
put on this show. 

But even though it is a private aflair, 
when someone has a devastating work- 
out, word gets around. 

“Did you see that sumbitch move?” 

“Like a cat. A real big cat.” 

“That's a lot of man to be moving 
around like that.” 

"How d he do in the forty 

"Five-threc." 

“That's hauling lor a man that size.” 

"The word is that Zimmerman will g 
high, maybe to New Orleans, which has 
the 11th pick and always needs help pro- 


me 


tecting the quarterback, Ask Archie 
Manning. 

Zimmerman, still wet from his shower. 
is checking out when Dozier and the oth- 
er arrivals are checking in. The most re- 
markable thing about Zimmerman. in 
the lobby of the Holiday Inn, is that he 
doesn't look all that big. The fellow 
standing next to him, wearing a T-shirt 
that could cover a queen-size mattress. is 
only a little smaller than he. He is from 
Texas and he's going home, too 

Serious meat 


. 
The Pittsburgh arrivals sign in at a 
desk that is set up for that purpose. A 
young lady from the scouting combine 
cheerfully takes their names, finds them 
on her chart and checks them off. Then 
she gives each man an envelope full of 
printed material and shows him to a 
small room where he can pick up a duffel 
bag containing the shorts and sweats he 
will be wearing during his workouts. 

“Next man," she says gaily, as though 
she has been ordering 300-pounders all 
her life. 

Before any player can get through the 
lobby of the Holiday Inn, before he can 
make it from the check-in desk to the lit- 
tle room where he picks up his duffel bag. 
he will run a raggedy-assed gantlet of 
middle-aged men who have his best 
terests at heart. Men who want to guide 
him through the thickets of the market. 
Men who want to make sure he is not 
taken advantage of 

They are on him like chickens on 
scratch corn. 

The younger. grimmer, less prosper 
ous-looking men are from the union— 
The N al Football League Players 
Association. They have literature and a 
soothing line for the new arrivals. The 
word is that there will likely be another 
players’ strike in 1987, this one over the 
issue of free agency. and the union is out 
building solidarity carly. You wonder if 
they could carry a chorus of Joe Hill. 

The union reps, however, are a minor 
distraction in a room full of chaos. An ar- 
riving player can throw them a hand- 
shake and a nod and be in the clear. The 
agents are another matter. 

The lobby is thick with them. They 
study the crowd with scavenger eyes, and 
when they spot a potential client, they 
flash wide, insincere smiles and start 
reaching for a back to slap, shoulder to 
grip or hand to shake. 

“Hey, babe, good to sec you again. 1 
thought you'd make it. How they treat- 
ing you?” 

“Uh, good, real good.” 

“Fine. That's fine. You got a minute?” 

“Well, uh, 1 was going up to the 
room." 

“That's OK. ГЇЇ go up with you. We 
can visit while you unpack. You mind! 

(continued on page 172) 


“Its called Thanksgiving; they celebrate it once a 
year or whenever someone gets lucky.” 


ттр A A 


AM STEIN has a thing about contests; she entered her first beauty pageant at 
12. She has won more than 60 wophies and 15 crowns in the intervening years. She 
has accrued her share of prizes: “I haven't had to shop for clothes for three years.” 
Pam likes the competition. She’s not one to get by on looks alone. On her Data Sheet, 
under GOALS AND ASPIRATIONS, she wrote, “To find the largest cockroach in Florida.” 


“Clearwater is quaint, laid-back. It’s a shorts-and-no-shoes kind of place. We 
don’t have winter, so we don’t have fur coats. Our idea of a good time is to step 
into a chicken-wings-and-beer kind of place, listen to some good ol’ rock "n' roll." 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA 


ou see, there's this 
contest for, yes, the largest 
cockroach, and Pam has her 
eye out for likely candidates 
“But don't put that in the 
magazine or people will be 
sending me their cockroach- 
es. 1 want to win fair and 
square.” Is she serious? We 
don't know. But just in case, 
send your cockroaches to 
Jerry Falwell's PTL Club. 
Pam told us with a com- 
pletely straight face that if 
she couldn't land a role on a 
TV soap opera, she'd settle 
for the job of being Ollie 
North’s next secretary. As 
we walked past a construc- 
tion site to a chorus of whis 
iles, she expressed gratitude 
that "someone [was] up- 
holding the traditional val- 
ues" These lines were 
delivered with a megawatt 
twinkle that could stand up 
10 hours of interrogation. At 
one point, she discussed the 
major setback in her life: her 
height. She is (barely) 5'5" 


“Am I a sports-car fanatic? 
Well, I was voted Miss St. 
Petersburg Grand Prix. I 
got to squirt champagne 
on the winners. They 
got to squirt champagne 
on me. Thai was my first 
experience on the track 
Neat. My brothers loved it.” 


he New York fashion world has a height requirement only this side of the 
N.B.A.'s. Pam wanted to be the Spud Webb of beauty, but no such luck. It doesn't 


help a model to have a vertical jump of 45 inches—if she isn't at least 5'8", there is по 


work. “It strikes me as ridiculous. A magazine cover is a foot high, right? By the time 
they shrink your image to put you on the cover, who knows how tall you are?” Right 


“I'm dating a guy 

tours with a rock band, 
which is the same kind of 
business as modeling—in- 
tense energy, followed by 
long breaks. People who 
don’t understand the busi- 
ness think you are fooling 
around. Its hard work.” 


urrently, she is 
modeling in Florida. “I get 
the apple-pie jobs. I never 
get to look glamorous.” She 
did two McDonald's ads 
her friends assumed she was 
working for the local fran- 
chise. “Sounds like an excit- 
ing life, doesn’t it? Now you 
know why I answered the 
call for Playboy” Pam al- 
ready knew a couple of 
Playmates: “At least once a 
week, there's a bathing-suit 
contest in Florida. 1 com- 
peted against Lynne Austin 
[Miss July 1986] and Hope 
Maric Carlton [Miss July 
1989]. 1 won the Tampa Bay 
Bandits Centerfold Pageant 
the month Hope's gatefold 
came out.” She approached 
Playboy when we came 
looking for Women of Florida 
(August). One look at the 
photos and we flew her to 
Chicago to pose for the 
gatefold. Clearwater, Flori- 
da, can celebrate the re- 
sults: It was no contest. 


“My ideal evening? Atmos- 
phere is not essential. 
With the right person, I 
could spend the evening in 
a closet and still have a 
great time. I do like to be 
dressed to kill, but I also 
love fresh air and blue 
skies. The beach is me.” 


I38W3AON SSIW. 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


u U 
xus. SU warst:_Q3" ars: AS 
5 1 5 te 
mrar: — S'S" wear, 1OS lbs. | 
BIRTH DATE: -Ё-13-(03 preruprace: 


` 


AMBITIONS: Star in a Soap Opera, learn lo pag. 
Me bass; andlor io be Ollies Secretary! 
Real People, Clearwater Beach, last Cars, 


TURN-ONS: 


залева TV SHOWS: 


Dynasty E Le d Live! 


FAVORITE FOODS: me ona. tic. 


(rsa, Ha. барал i Nacho Ш nos. 


DESCRIBE YOURSELF: 155 
fte-Teen шд" From now Ir: m 


content being. Miss fámela Stein, fro r+ 
of Florida you dont Sec on Miami Vice. 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


The New York subway car was packed at rush 
hour. A woman hanging on to an overhead strap 
turned to the man in back of her and snapped, 


"If vou don’t stop poking me with that thing, Em 
1g 10 call a cop." 
It's only my pay-check envelope, miss,” he 


You must have one hell of a job," she 
thats the fourth raise you've had 


А social scientist. studving the culture and 

aditions of North Africa, found a woman still 
practicing the ancient art of matchmaki 
Locally, she w known as the Moor, 
marrier 


What's the worst thing about being an atheist? 
There's no one to talk to when you're having an 


gasm 


On his way home from work, a driver came 
upon a horrible wreck in which one car looked 
exactly like his neighbor's, Stopping on the side 
of the road, he hurried toward the smoldering 
debris 


a pol 
п back, “you can't come 
“But that may be my neighbor, Henry, in 
there,” the anguished man explained 

“OK, but it’s pretiy grisly,” the cop cau- 
tioned. “There was a decapitation.” 

The policeman reached into the back seat of 
one of the demolished cars and pulled out 
head, holding it at arm's length. 

"Thats not him—thank heavens,” the man 
said. “Henry's much taller.” 


man said, holding 
any closer.” 


What do you have when you've got six lawyers 
buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough 
sand 


wen's gate when Saint Peter 

told him he'd been disqualified from entering. 

d, Liberace asked, "Why?" 

records show that you once ate а para 

t Peter answered 
SI never did that," Libes 

you check your records again 


Liberace was at he 


replied. "Can't 


“It says right here that on August 15, 1981, 
you ate a chartreuse parakeet with black trim 
"Hey, vou must be thinking of Ozzy Os- 


bourne.” Liberace responded. “Now, 1 might 
have had a cockatoo. . .." 


A man wok his wife deer hunting for the first 

me. After he'd given her some basic instruc- 
they agreed 10 separate and rendezvous 
ore he left, he warned her if she should 
fell a deer to be wary of hunters who might beat 
her to the carcass and claim the kill. If that hi 
pened. he told her, she should fire her gun thre 
times and he would come to her aid 

Shortly after they separated, he heard the sig- 
nal. Arriving at the scene, he found his wife stand- 
ing over a carcass and а very nervous-looking 
man staring down her gun ba 

“He claims this is his,” she said. 

“She can keep it, she can keep il!" the wide- 
eyed man replied. 7l just want my saddle back.” 


> 


Why don't Junior Leagu n attend or 
Too many thank-you notes to write 


On the night before her family moved from 
Kansas to California, the hule girl knelt by her 
bed to say her prayers, “God bless Mommy and 
Daddy and my little brother.” she said. As she 
began to get up, she quickly added, “Oh, and 
God, this is goodbye. Мете moving to 
Hollywood.” 


Wa 


An American bus nan in London wa 
given special visitor's privileges at an exclusive 
nen’s club. Striding in one afternoon, the Ате 
ican approached the only other man in the 
lounge and tied to strike up a conversation 
Care for a cigar?” he asked 

“No, thank you,” the Englishman replied 
ined one once and didn like it. 

“Would you care to join me in the bar for a 
drink, then?" the businessman asked 

“No, thank you. I tried drinking once and 
didit agree with me. 

"Well; how about a game of billiards?” 
- Tried it once and couldn't get the 


rican started to turn away, the 
glishman said, “But my son will be he 
shortly, and Г e he would enjoy a 


n su 


me with you 
> An only child, I presume.” 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on а post- 
card, please, lo Party Jokes Editor, Playboy. 
Playboy Bldg., 919 N. Michigan Ave, Chicago, 
Hl. 60611. $100 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


120 


THE BROWNS 


raise your glass to 
scotch, bourbon, irish and the blends 


drink By EMANUEL GREENBERG 
TODAY'S DISCERNING drinkers are re- 
turning to sturdy, aromatic world- 
class whiskeys. These rich liquors, 
known in the trade as “brown 
goods," range in hue from tawny to 
a deep, lustrous mahogany. They're 
Spirits of taste and character, with 
unmistakable organoleptic impact; 
one sip tells you you're into some- 
thing special. Taken neat, over ice, 
with a splash or in mixed drinks, 
these whiskeys retain definition 


ard individuality. 

Popular wisdom notwithstand- 
ing, whiskey has never been out of 
style in the United States, nor has it 
been superseded by vodka. Sur- 
prised? Just run your eyes along 
the back bar of any decent tavern 
and note the array of whiskey la- 
bels. If you need further convincing, 
the latest edition of Jobson's Liquor 
Handbook, an authoritative liquor- 
marketing annual, says that Ameri- 
cans still consume more whiskey 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD IZUI 


PLAYBOY 


122 


than any other spirit category, and total 
whiskeys outsell total vodkas—the next 
largest category—by a two-to-one mar- 
іп. 

ii "Whiskey originated in the British 
Isles, though its beginnings are rather 
murky. Most accounts credit Moorish al- 
chemists with contriving the first distill- 
ing equipment. Termed an alembic, it 
was used for the production of rare per- 
fumes. Christian missionaries took the 
apparatus back to Ireland and Scotland, 
where it was applied to the use God had 
obviously intended—the distillation of 
potable spirits. 

As 1987 is the 200th anniversary of the 
Constitution, it’s a singularly appropri- 
ate time to celebrate bourbon, a distinc- 
tive product of the U.S., so designated by 
an act of Congress in 1964. It amuses 
liquor historians to ascribe the origin of 
bourbon to a man of the cloth—the 
Reverend Elijah Craig. However, many 
men besides Craig were distilling 
whiskey in Kentucky toward the end of 
the 18th Century, all drawn to the blue- 
grass region by the same natural re- 
sources—clear limestone water, an 
abundance of maize and large stands of 
white oak—ingredients they found con- 
ducive to making exemplary whiskey. 
But it wasn’t bourbon, not yet. 

Well, what makes bourbon bourbon? 
“More than any other factor,” says Bill 
Samuels, president of Maker’s Mark, a 
small, highly regarded Kentucky 
tillery, “it's aging in new charred-oak 
casks.” Just as drying the grain over peat 
fires gives Scotch its distinctive tang, ag- 
ing in new charred-white-oak barrels 
gives bourbon its distinctive vanilla bou- 
quet. 

Most of today’s prominent bourbon 
brands—Jim Beam, Ten High, Ancient 
Age, Old Crow and Old Grand-Dad, 
among them—have been around since 
repeal or longer. (Jack Daniel’s, one of 
our most successful brands, is usually in- 
cluded in the group, though it’s not tech- 
nically a bourbon, because it’s strained 
through charcoal before bottling.) Does 
that mean we're drinking the same type 
of whiskey today that we did-more than 
50 years ago? Not on your Pianola! Bour- 
bons of yore were burly, potent and 
sometimes hot and biting. They saturat- 
ed the nose and mouth with outrageous 
flavor. Today’s bourbons are more laid- 
back, smooth, fragrant and lighter in 
body and hue. With notable exceptions, 
they're not as rich as the prototype but 
tend to better balance. 

The mint julep is the drink generally 
associated with bourbon. Bourbon men 
also have other pleasures: bourbon and 
ginger, bourbon on the rocks and the fa- 
bled bourbon and branch, which is 
simply cool spring water mixed with 
bourbon. 

If whiskey's beginnings in the New 


World were turbulent, its growing pains 
in the British Isles were tantamount to 
war. For centuries, distillation in Scot- 
land and Ireland had been a cottage 
industry, producing spirits for local 
consumption. But the major activity, it 
would seem, was battling the ruling Eng- 
lish, whose efforts to tax, regulate and, in 
fact, eliminate whiskey making were 
strenuously resisted. Illicit distillation, 
known as smuggling, was the norm 
rather than the exception, and tales of 
outwitting the excisemen became part of 
the folklore on both sides of the Irish Sea. 
One yarn concerned a smuggler who was 
warned of an impending raid on his 
cache of moonshine. When the taxmen 
burst into his house, they found the fami- 
ly kneeling and sobbing around a cloth- 
draped, Coflin-shaped box. When a 
mourner turned to them and murmured 
“Smallpox,” the uninvited guests left in 
a rush. The tears vanished as the box 
was opened and a round poured for all 
present. 

In the early 19th Century, Parliament 
overhauled the whiskey laws, making it 
feasible at last for licensed distillers to op- 
erate profitably. It was at that point that 
the modern Irish-whiskey and Scotch- 
y (note the difference in spelling) 
industries were born and began to follow 
divergent paths. The Irish took prompt 
advantage of the changed situation. 
became a center for large distill- 
eries, with John Jameson and John Power 
leading the way. In the north, Bushmills, 
which had been operating as a licensed 
distillery on and off since 1608, was now 
firmly legitimate. The new Irish-whiskey 
industry developed uniform standards 
for its product, achieving a reputation for 
quality and reliability. 

By contrast, the small distilleries 
tucked away in the corners of Scotland 
responded to legitimacy more slowly, not 
lightly relinquishing their long-stand- 
ing antagonism to English regulation. 
George Smith of The Glenlivet was the 
first to apply for a license, in 1824, and 
other distilleries followed gradually. In 
any case, there was no great market out- 
side Scotland for their whisky. Distilled 
from malted (germinated) barley dried 
over peat fires, it had a smoky, pungent 
rasp that took getting used to. Aeneas 
Coffey’s invention of the column still in 
1831 was to have a profound effect on 
both the Irish and the Scotch whisky in- 
dustries. This device distilled mild, high- 
proof whiskey from a mix of grains and 
did it economically and quickly. It 
wasn't too long before shrewd Scottish 
distillers hit on the tactic of combining 
this new muted spirit with their full- 
throated pot-still malt whisky to cut both 
cost and flavor—creating blended Scotch 
as we know it today. 

Current Scotch blends encompass 
both light, bulk-shipped whiskies and 


premiums—such brands as J&B, Cutty 
Sark, Johnnie Walker Red, Dewars, 
Johnnic Walker Black and Chivas Regal. 
Premiums are sophisticated, complex 
mixtures that may include as many as 42 
or more malts in addition to grain 
whiskies. The blenders who assemble 
these whiskics make their choices by 
nose rather than taste, and each has his 
own technique for isolating the nuances 
of flavor and style every whisky will con- 
tribute. Some use the winetaster's trick of 
swirling the glass and sniffing. David 
Howie, Dewar's master blender, shakes 
his glass and then spills some of the 
whisky onto the floor to “raise the bou- 
uet." 

Jim Milne, master blender for J&B 
Rare at its Blythswood facility, has been 
known to challenge visiting experts to 
come up with an approximation of his 
blend of 42 whiskies: Lowland, High- 
land, Campbeltown and Islay malts and 
grain spirits. Milne is hospitably gener- 
ous with hints, but the actual formula re- 
mains a closely guarded secret. 

While blends absorb most of the pro- 
duction of the 100 or so malt distilleries 
in Scotland, many also bottle a limi 
ed amount of unblended single-malt 
whisky. At a time when demand for 
blended Scotch is less than robust, the 
market for malts is growing rapidly. 
Malt aficionados are turned on by the di- 
versity and subtleties of taste available. 
Highland malts run the gamut from the 
moderately peated fruity/flowery brands 
such as The Glenlivet, Glenfiddich, 
Mortlach and Glenmorangie to the deep- 
er, rounder Knockando, Cardhu and 
Macallan. Talisker, from the Isle of Skye, 
is more forthright, while Laphroaig 
and Bowmore, from Islay, are heavily 
smoked, almost camphory. “You have to 
be verra determined to get that stuff 
down,” one Highland distiller observed 
dryly. Single-malt fever reached a peak 
when a bottle of 60-year-old Macallan 
was recently sold in London for the hefty 
sum of more than $7500. Purists prefer 
their malts neat, though these whiskies 
certainly have the body to stand up to 
ice. Glenfiddich's David Grant advises 
adding a tot of water to the glass to “lib- 
erate the aroma.” 

While whisky has been enjoyed before 
and after dinner since the first bagpiper 
skirled Annie Laurie over the Highland 
glens, such elegant single malts as 12- 
year-old The Glenlivet are now being 
taken with a meal—especially of hearty 
game or salmon. Single malts, in fact, are 
superbly versatile. On a recent trip to 
Scotland, a group of editors from various 
magazines, including Playboy, had the 
pleasure of spending a few days in the 
Highlands, trying their hands at some se- 
rious salmon fishing and tasting their 
catches at Revack, a country lodge, 
where The Glenlivet was served with the 

(concluded on page 164) 


“Well, it certainly is nice to know someone's looking out 
for us old folks!” 


124 


| 
WEATH | 
| | 


BOY'S GUIDE TO CASUALWEAR FOR FALL 
Part Two 


E. By HOLLIS WAYNE: The outer jacket 


is the cornerstone of this fall and winter's casualwear. Functional detalls such as hoods, deep collars 
and oversized pockets abound, with tailored shearlings, suedes and polished-leather styles that pro- 
Ject a look of rugged individualism being tha most popular choices. Patterned sweaters will be layered 
with shirts and mufflers for warmth and dash, and rich autumn hues will be punctuated with flashes of 
bright colors. Our model at right is wearing a wise mixture of fashion tones and textures. His outfit 
consists of a wool stadium coat with a hood, flap patch pockets, toggle buttons and an embroidered 
emblem, $510, worn over a wool knit placket-front pullover with a polo collar, $165, and reverse-pleat- 
ed wool plaid slacks, $160, all by Byblos; plus a wool/acrylic rib-knit mock turtleneck, by Olivier Strel- 
li, $150; and a cashmere plaid scarf with braided-fringe ends, from Polo/Ralph Lauren Scarfs, $135. 


WINTER '87 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY BOB FRAME AND RICHARD IZUI 


иеде gunnel 
jacket, $815, cashwool knit pullover, 
$185, and tweed slacks, $80, all by Nan- 
ey Heller; plus rayon/cotton shirt, from 
Basco by Gene Pressman and Lance 


Karesh, $75. The sweaters and mufflers 


at right (following the numbers): 1. Wool 


hand-knit cardigan, by Robert Stock, 
$125. 2. Cashmere/wool knit polo-collar 
sweater, from Mila Schön Uomo, $425. 
3. Fairisle Shetland crew-neck sweater, 
by Cesarani, about $100. 4. Shetland 
sweater with center cable design, by 
Jeffrey Banks, $150. 5. Wool Jacquard 
crew-neck sweater, by Bill Ditfort De- 
signs, $140. 6. Wool flat-knit turtleneck 
sweater, from Hugo Boss Knitwear, 
$175. 7. Alpaca/silk/mohair/cotton 
hand-woven muffler, by Susan Horton, 
$110. 8. Cashmere/wool tartan-plaid 
muffler, from Polo/Ralph Lauren 
Scarfs, $135. 9. Cashmere/wool her- 
ringbone muffler, by Peter Barton, $52. 
10. Cotton/rayon hand-woven bouclé 
muffler, by Judith Rose for Michael Far- 
rell, $40. 11. Wool geometric-pattern mut- 
fier, from String Beans by Superba, $22.50. 


7 


winter fashion forecast: very cool and 


his year's fall and 


very casual. Left: Lambskin field jack- 
et with Interknit collar and cuffs, Ex- 
pedition by Robert Comstock, $550; 
sueded-sheepskinshirt, $320, and wool- 
tweed checked slacks with overplaid, 
$120, both from British Khaki by Robert 
Lighton; rayon shirt, from Basco, $60; 
and plaited kangaroo belt, by Australian 
Outback Collection, $60. Right: Leather 
parka with removable wool hood lining, 
from Ideas from Massimo Озі, by C.P. 
Company of Italy, $950; wool hand-knit 
crew-neck sweater, $320, and cotton- 
plaid sport shirt, $115, both by Jo- 
seph Abboud; plus corduroy stacks, 
from Heartland Company Ltd., $8! 


PLAYBOY 


130 


DANIEL ORTEGA (continued from page 78) 


“Guerrilla work is similar to that of a missionary. You 
go from house to house talking with the peasants.” 


be captured. So people like that fight with 
great fury. 
PLAYBOY: Experts have said the U.S. may 
have trained the Contras poorly to setupa 
situation that would force an invasion. 
ORTEGA: I think they have made an effort 
to train the Contras well. They have huge 
camps in Honduras. They've trained 
some special forces on military bases in 
the U.S. And Israeli experts have been 
brought to Honduras to train theminsab- 
otage and terrorism tactics. 

PLAYBOY: What do you think of the fact 
that the Contras have developed a social 
base in your home region, Chontales? 
ORTEGA: They have no social base in 
Chontales. The mercenary forces are 
there, but they don't have a social base. 
Geographically, the mountainous areas 
are useful to a guerrilla force. It’s easy to 
get lost in that part of the country. The 
Contras are operating there because of a 
military objective. But we can’t speak of 
their finding a large social base there, 
because what they're doing is destroying 
cooperatives, terrorizing the peasants, 
killing them. They did have a certain 
influence at a certain moment—but 
they've been losing it, because we've 
begun to distribute land to peasants in 
Chontales, to form cooperatives and indi- 
vidual plots there. So these peasants now 
havea different attitude. They don't want 
the Contras. That is why the Contras have 
been carrying out all these attacks on the 
cooperatives. 

PLAYBOY: It is obvious that you've spent a 
lot of your life thinking about military 
matters. Whose books have you read from 
which you've devised tactics? 

ORTEGA: A basic book was always Clause- 
witz' book on war. 

PLAYBOY: Not Che Guevara? 

ORTEGA: Of course, Che. But also many 
novelists—the great Russian novels, War 
and Peace, Tolstoy. I've also read a lot 
about World War Two. For example, Mila 
16, about the Warsaw ghetto. The Eu- 
ropean Resistance was very heroic. 
PLAYBOY: We're surprised that you don’t 
mention Che first. 

ORTEGA: The thing is, Che did something 
very special. Che, for me, is a man who, in 
the Sixties, fed idealism and mystique to 
the youth of Latin America. 

PLAYBOY: But was һе no good asa military 
leader? 

ORTEGA: No, I think he was very impor- 
tantas a military leader, and he played a 
key role in Cuba. And once in Bolivia, I 
think he had to make a correct military 


conception—but the political conditions 
were not right. And this did not make it 
possible to develop the struggle that he 
sought to carry out. But I think that Che 
was convinced that his role was to bring 
together the struggles of Latin America 
and the Caribbean peoples. We cannot 
view Che's struggle in Bolivia asa failure. 
From the tactical, military standpoint, it 
was a failure, and he died. But from the 
political and moral standpoints, which 
are the factors that are determinant in 
revolutionary struggles, Che never died. 
In fact, Che triumphed in Nicaragua on 


July 19, 1979. 


Let me tell you something: What 1 
really would like to be doing is what Che 
did—not to have stayed in Nicaragua 
after the triumph but, rather, to have gone 
on to other lands to struggle. Che left a 
very strong impression on me. But we 
have a reality here—the ongoing confron- 
tation—and we've been confronting it for 
six years. Since 1981, when Reagan was 
inaugurated. And we continue combating 
it. So I assume my responsibility in this 
context. But the Casa de Cobierno is not 
where I most like being. I remember say- 
ing to [vice-president] Sergio Ramirez 
when we first got here, “This is our new 
prison.” If I were to think from a some- 
what selfish standpoint, I would feel more 
at case having fewer responsibilities, 
working and living in the countryside 
with the peasants. I'm not particularly 
drawn to the city. 1 feel more at case in the 
country. Don’t think that in this work, 
things are casy—a lot runs completely 
against my nature. 

PLAYBOY: Let’s talk about poctry—you 
are, after all, an amateur poct. Your min- 
ister of culture, Father Ernesto Cardenal, 
recently gave us one of your pocms—it's 
called The Fruits It begins, “When the 
sowers decided / to cultivate the fields / 
they knew that they would have to clear / 
the stones / the thorns / the weeds.” And 
it ends, “That the cleanup would be 
hard / but that finally / against all odds / 
they would reap a harvest. . . .” 

ORTEGA: In a way, that poem is a 
metaphor for the current situation— 
though it was written at a time when the 
revolution had not yet triumphed. But we 
believed, and we hoped, that there would 
be a change, despite the difficulties, and 
that a harvest of freedom and peace 
would be reaped. And of justice, too, for 
Nicaragua. The revolution triumphed, 
and the truth is we achieved freedom, we 
are struggling for justice, but we do not 


have peace. So the metaphor continues to 
be valid. Because it’s the same struggle— 
now in the face of a very well-defined pol- 
icy on the part of the United States. That 
is, President Reagan, with his policy 
throughout all these years, has been sow- 
ing Nicaraguan fields with weeds. And 
stones. And thoms. And the people have 
to clean all of this up, pull all of this out 
with their own hands, to be able to 
achieve peace. That is, the people have to 
defeat all of this so as to have a good ter- 
rain for sowing and harvesting the future 
[The final exchange took place over the 
telephone between Managua and New York 
as the Irani Contra hearings wound down] 
PLAYBOY: You watched the Iran/Contra 
hearings. What did you think of Colonel 
North’s testimony? 
ORTEGA: What North provokes in me is 
compassion. There is obviously a distor- 
tion in the U.S. Armed Forces in which 
certain officers—such as Colonel 
North—commit terrible crimes in the 
name of God. 
PLAYBOY: Both Colonel North and Admi- 
ral Poindexter said they had to kecp their 
activities secret from the American peo- 
ple in order to keep the Sandinistas from 
knowingwhatwasgoingon.Did you know? 
ORTEGA: Yes. We knew. And we de- 
nounced it. And I think it was disrespect- 
ful of Reagan to keep the North American 
people in ignorance, to hide all those 
activities and to violate the laws of the 
United States. But we knew about it. We 
denounced it every day. And very few 
people believed us. 
PLAYBOY: How do you feel about the fact 
that North’s testimony apparently in- 
creased support for Contra aid in the 
United States? 
ORTEGA: I can only conclude that this was 
planned and prepared by specialists in 
propaganda work directed by Reagan. As 
bad an actor as Ronald Reagan was in 
Hollywood, he now compensates by be- 
ing a great actor as President of the U.S., 
by lying to the North American people. 
PLAYBOY: You have often said that Reagan 
is obsessed with you. Do you think he will 
willingly leave office in 1988 with your 
government still in power? 
ORTEGA: It would be the most sensible 
thing to leave the Sandinista government 
in place. But we have to pray to God that 
He illuminate the mind of President Rea- 
gan so he won't continue to commit 
human-rights violations in Nicaragua. I 
don’t think Reagan has been illuminated 
by God. I think he’s closer to the darkness 
of the Devil. But we hope the light arrives 
before he commits the insanity of invad- 
ing Nicaragua. 
PLAYBOY: Then you still believe in God? 
ORTEGA: Yes. 
PLAYBOY: And do you consider yourself a 
communist? 
ORTEGA: I am a Sandinista 


“Stop carping, you two. If the locals go for it, this could bring back 
barnstorming, flying circuses—the whole caboodle!” 


131 


2 


0 Q UE 


$ 


TI 0 N $ 


KENT ес 


elly McGillis, the strapping beauty who 

looked as if she might be able to eat 
Tom Cruise for breakfast in “Top Gun,” is 
just back from the Middle East, where she 
tackled Zionism in a movie called “Dream- 
ers.” The role required lots of research: As 
the self-confessed “biggest shiksa in the 
world,” she found the job of portraying an 
Israeli setiler her biggest challenge since 
holding Harrison Ford's gun in “Witness.” 
McGillis—at the end of a three-film binge 
that included the fall release “Made in 
Heaven"—wore all black when she met 
with interviewer David Handelman, who 
said, “She was still showing psychological 
vestiges of the insecure 200-pound high 
schooler she once was." 


1 


pLaveoy: Before your acting career took 
off, what was the worst job you ever had? 
meciLLis: When I was 17, I worked in a 
Styrofoam factory, earning about $3.50 
an hour. You know those things that go 
on either end of your stereo when it’s 
packed in a box? That’s what I made. 
My hands would get all bloody because 
the Styrofoam didn’t ever get soft, but 
my skin did. It was the worst job in the 
world, but at 17, I could either do that or 
work at а Jack in the Box, and some- 
thing about French-fry grease really 
bothers me. 


2. 


PLAYBOY: You've also had some nasty ex- 
periences on film sets. You were fired 
from your second film, Bachelor Party. 


Why? 
She's been oer s 
Mugged iM NEW ones came 
york and flashed эшл pec, 1 
in los angeles, Tacs exaculy 
but the real 
cost of fame is 
that she can't 
shop for sexy 
underwear 


how they put it. 


The first thing 1 
did was get 
PHOTOGRAPHY BY MAUREEN LAMERAY 


drunk. I was de- 
pressed for about 
a year after that. 

At that point 
in my life, Га 
been waiting on 
tables, so 1 had 
taken the part in 
Bachelor Party — 
a really trashy 
movie, not art in 


any form—thinking, Well, 1 can learn by 
doing. Ard then to bc fired! In the long 
run, it probably saved my career. 


3. 


PLAYROY: Were you a good waitress? 
menus: I was probably best at getting 
people in and out quickly so I could 
make as much money as possible. It’s а 
great job—instant cash. Of course, I had 
to deal with people who treated me like 
shit because I was a waitress, and Га get 
huffy: “You can't treat me like this! Pm 
more than a waitress. | want to be an ac- 
tress!” 


4. 


PLAYBOY: You were a California kid in the 
Sixties. Were you a wild one? 

мє сы: When I was a kid, I was crazy 
and very rebellious. I grew up at the tail 
end of the Sixties, the leftovers, and I did 
a lot of experimenting with drugs, that 
whole thing. [ was never home, and 1 
ditched school about 80 percent of the 
time. I'd hang out, surf, go to the beach 
with my friends. They werc all much old- 
er, in their 20s, and they'd go out drink- 
ing, so I started doing that, too. 

A lot of what happened had to do with 
my size. By sixth grade, I was really tall 
and looked older than 1 was. And the 
cpitome of cool when you're 13 is to be 
taken for 18. Then I started cating ncu- 
rotically and got really ugly and fat. 1 
was a terrible social outcast. I guess I 
still am. 


5. 


PLAYBOY: When did you make the trans- 
formation from husky to sultry? 
McGiLUS: I lost the weight when I was 
about 18. I went on a fast, which was 
crazy. For three weeks, I didn’t eat any- 
thing. I drank water. It's terrible for your 
body. But I still think of myself as the ug- 
ly duckling, and maybe that makes me 
work harder. 


6. 


PLAYBOY: Is your weight still a barometer 
of your moods? 

MCGILLIS: It does reflect how happy or 
unhappy I am. I'm not huge now, but 1 
still struggle with my weight. 1 was pret- 
ty unhappy breaking up with [Top Gun 
flight jock] Barry Tubb and sort of let 
myself go. The breakup took about seven 
months, these things don’t happen 
overnight. You can't say to somebody, 
“That’s it; goodbye,” if you ever invest- 


ed any true love in him. You can't take 
away something you've given—nor 
would I want to. But I was very angry. I 
don’t think it sank in until both of us be- 
gan seeing other people. 


7. 


PLAYBOY: When you were working on Top 
Gun, you were basically the only woman 
among a crew of hot young actors. How 
did you pick Tubb out of that gang? 

ceras: I don’t know why these things 
happen. Love isn't intellectual — it's vis- 
ceral. If there was any one moment, it 
was on the Fourth of July 1985: We were 
all walking to dinner and I fell to the 
ground for no reason. [Laughs] 1 don't 
know why. I wasn't drunk, and I didn't 
I think that was when 1 fell in love 
with Barry. 


B. 

pLavaov: The grapevine had it that you 
two were planning to marry. True? 

мс GILLs: No. 1 always read that I'm dat- 
ing somebody or doing something, and 
it's never truc. The best thing I ever rcad 
was that I was marrying Sean Penn. And 
Thad never even met him! 

Barry and I did try living together in 
L.A., but we were never there at the 
same time. One of us was always work- 
ing. Lets face it; I'm 30, he’s 24. There 
are certain things I want in my life that 
he’s not ready to have and certain things 
about me he's not willing to accept. So 1 
moved my stuff out—and told him about 
it afterward. 


9. 


PLAYBOY: Have your on-screen love affairs 
been as difficult? 

месин: Most of the time, it’s just part 
of the job. 1 don't really know the people 
I make love with. It's all pretend. 

I'm not willing to rip off my clothes ev- 
ery five seconds in a movie. I don't want 
it to be extraneous sex. When Tom 
Cruise and I went back and shot more 
love scenes for Top Gun after filming was 
over, I felt that it was necessary. People 
in the audience wouldn't know that those 
two people had gotten together unless it 
was shown. But in general, I think we're 
inundated as a society by seeing every- 
thing. You walk down 42nd Strect and 
there are no secrets. What I think is sexy 
in love scenes is not sceing everything, 
when it's left up to the audience's imagi- 
nation, instead of the director's deciding 
what happened (concluded on page 162) 


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itching may make e 
it so: From occult ‚ 
rites to deviltry, be 

strange things are 
happening. 


Pe Е Nicholson has a hell of 
a time playing Satan to the 
comely coven of Cher, Susan 
Sarandon and Michelle Pfeiffer 
in The Witches of Eastwick 
(background shot), but Dennis 
Hopper is a far scarier personi- 
fication of evil as torch singer 
Isabella Rossellini's nemesis in 
Blue Velvet (below), already a 
hit on the video-cassette charts. 


reddy never looked like this 

before! In his latest outing 
{A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: 
Dream Warriors), the monster 
metamorphoses into female 
form (near right). In Necropo- 
lis (far right), Leeanne Baker 
goes four up on Freddy as a 
sort of ghoul-dugger wet nurse 
{amazingly well preserved for 
her purported 300 years). Syl- 
via (Emmanuelle) Kristel is the 
count's bloodthirsty ex in Drac- 
ulas Widow (below right). 


he's a sweet young thing on TV's Cosby Show and A Different 

World, but Lisa Bonet projects raw passion as a mambo 
priestess in Angel Heart (below left); her love scene with 
Mickey Rourke almost earned the movie—which is based on a 
William Hjortsberg novel serialized in Playboy back in 1978— 
an X. More kinks are due in Aria; below right, weird antics 
from Rigoletto, one of its ten segments set to opera music. 


urely, she's seen one 

of those before. 
Whoopi Goldberg goes 
into the closet for Burglar 
(far left). In Half Moon 
Street, Sigourney Weav- 
er—turning to prosti- 
tution to make ends 
meet— sheds her clothes 
in reel after reel; with 
diplomat Michael Caine 
(near right), she does it 
for love. This being 
the Eighties, both bud- 
ding-romance and mon- 
key-business contacts 
become entangled in ter- 
rorist plots. At far right, 
Summer School teacher 
Mark Harmon discovers 
one of his students (Ken 
Olandt) moonlighting as 
a male stripper in a Chip- 
pendales-style nightery. 


Су uperhunk Rob Lowe and sexy 

Cattrall do a Calvin Klein- 
ad imitation in Masquerade (back- 
ground); Kathleen Turners a time 
traveler again in Julia and Julia, 
dreaming her way back to her past— 
and.into an affair with Sting (below). 


n the more innocent age depicted 

by Neil Simon's autobiographical 
Brighton Beach Memoirs, Jonathan 
Silverman gets his jollies by drop- 
ping stuff so he can sneak a peek up 
cousin Lisa Waltz's skirt (top). Lou 
Jacobi essays the May-December 
routine with Monique Gabrielle 
(above left) in an episode of Amazon 
Women on the Moon. Andrew Mc- 
Carthy gets to cop a feel in Man- 
nequin {above right), but the lady 
(played by Kim Cattrall, again) is a 
mere dummy. Its the reel thing, 
however, for horny teen moviego- 
ers Emily Lloyd and Lee Whitlock 
in Wish You Were Here (right). 


‚and nary another 


ovies for the young 
at heart: more 
Class, more sass 


Porky's in view. 


éatrice Dalle, the manic- 

depressive titular charac- 
ter in the highly charged 
French film Betty Blue, ap- 
pears in one of her deepest 
indigo moments in the back- 
ground shot. Its mood con- 
trasts sharply with the animal 
energies displayed in Dirty 
Dancing (above), an American 
coming-of-age picture set in 
the summer of ‘63 at a Borscht 
Belt resort. Cutting a mean rug 
in the foreground are Cynthia 
Rhodes and Patrick Swayze, 
who portrays the hotel's resi- 
dent stud and dance instructor. 


0 foreigners do it 
better? Well, they 
definitely do it with А 
greater frequency- — ^T" > 
on film, anyway. 


he flames in the fireplace aren't the 

only ones ignited in Italy's L'Attrazione 
(background), featuring Stefano Sarelli 
and Florence Guerrin. But the most con- 
troversial Italian import of 1987 is Devil 
in the Flesh, released with an X in the 
U.S.; the scene below, with Maruschka 
Detmers going into action on 19-year- 
old neighbor Federico Pitzalis, earned It. 


Bü \ 


Jt. 


[" Spain's Padre Nuestro (above left), Fernando Rey plays a dying cardinal who's trying to make things up to 
his illegitimate daughter (Victoria Abril). His Eminences rebellious bastard doesn't make things easy for her 
dad; she's a flamboyant prostitute who flaunts her unorthodox parentage by styling herself La Cardenala. The 
French drama Rendez-vous (above right) introduces Juliette Binoche as an aspiring actress in heat and hoping 
to be discovered in Paris, where her sexual partners include Wadeck Stanczak (he's the one in the saddle on the 
stairs) and Lambert Wilson (foreground), a talented fellow who even manages to rise from the grave for love 


Tes fun in the sun is the principal 
attraction of the frothy French release 
LAnnée des Méduses, starring Valerie 
Kaprisky. At left above, she dallies with a 
pair of German tourists (Barbara Nielsen 
and Antoine Nikola). Meanwhile, the seem- 
ingly indestructible Emmanuelle marches 
on, with this pair of amorous ladies among 
the visual aids of Emmanuelle 5 (left). 


ES colorful poets Byron and Shelley аг 

tor Ken Russell, Britain's wild man of the 

Shelley (Julian Sands), his wife-to-be, Mary (Natasha 
ron (Gabriel Byrne) and his ress (Myriam Cyr) get down and dirty. - 
Rita, Sue and Bob Too! (near right, top) features a randy threesome— 
Michelle Holmes, Siobhan Finneran and George Costigan—the last 
about to “joomp” the Union Jack and the birds. Prick Up Your Ears, the 
grim life-and-death story of homosexual playwright Joe Orton, stars 
Gary Oldman (in center, near right, chatting up a pair of pretty boys). Tru- - 
ly far out is Personal Services (far right), based on the misadvel 
of а madam who catered to a well-connected—and kinky—cli 


‘or the ultimate blind date, take a trip to a desert island: That's 
what Brits Gerald Kingsland and Lucy Irvine did, and the movie 
Castaway is based on their conflicting accounts. The strangers in 
paradise are portrayed by Oliver Reed and Amanda Donohoe; reels 
unspool before they finally get horizontal (right), but audiences are 
treated to many delightful views of Amanda unclad (background). 


inte UK. 
——- 


ore sex, please, 
we're British: At 


last, ШЕШШ... 
eroticism is joyously 


~ — 
"E = 


PLAYBOY 


146 


from a country where a coy stage comedy 
called No Sex Please, We're British had 
been running since 1971; its closing this 
year may have been sending a message. 

“The Anglo trend started well over a 
year ago, when Alex Cox's lurid punk- 
rock tragedy Sid and Nancy came storm- 
ing in as a sort of counterpunch to the 
graceful, sweetly romantic humors of A 
Room with a View, an example of the tradi- 
tional garden-variety English cinema. 
Other rooms with other v the 
way. Terry Jones's Personal Services, 
outrageously outspoken comedy. makes 
hey-nonny-nonny fiction from some 
known facts about the life and times of a 
notorious London madam named C 
thia Payne (played by Julie Walters in a 
startlit h from her 1983 role in El 
cating Rita). Services, often as sad as it i 
funny, offers many bizarre fringe 
benefits—among them Alec McCowen, 
as a retired military commander whose 
hobby is transvestism, and Danny 
Schiller, soberly portraying an elderly 
housemaid whose gender remains undc- 
tected until Walters bursts in upon her/ 
him in the loo and exclaims, “Dolly, 
you've got a willie!" Another eye opener 
from England is Prick Up Your Ears, an 
adaptation of John Lahr's biography of 
Joe Orton, the Hamboyantly bent English 
playwright who was bludgeoned to death 
by his live-in lover in 1967. Gary Old- 
man—the burnt-out Sid Vicious of Sid 
and Nancy—bears a remarkable resem- 
blance to Orton, who was an outspoken, 
Promiscuous advocate of pleasure at any 
Price, by way of casual pickups in pubs 
and public toilets, back in the days when 
no one was worrying about safe sex. 

Homosexuality, a staple subject for 
English authors acquainted with hanky- 
panky in boys’ schools from Eton and 
Harrow to Oxford, recurs as a theme of 
two films far more mannerly than Prick 
Up Your Ears. Withnail and I is an eccen- 
tric comedy about two London actors, 
barely surviving the Sixties, off on a coun- 
try weekend with an old queen played 
hilariously by Richard Griffiths. He's 
Withnail’s uncle hell-bent on seducing 
his nephew's chum. In Maurice, the peo- 
ple who made Room with a View bring 
another E. M. Forster tale to the screen. 
This novel, not published until after For- 
ster's death, concerns a rejected pederast 
who finds comfort in the arms of a hot- 
blooded young gamekeeper on his former 
boyfriend's estate. It sounds like a boy- 
meets-boy reprise of Lady Chatterley's 
Lover. 

Far be it from director Ken Russell to 
promulgate any foolish notions about 
British reserve. His Gothic is a portrait of 
the poets Byron and Shelley on a dope- 
induced wild weekend in Switzerland 
circa 1816. Julian Sands, the ardent swain 
of Room with a View, plays Shelley as 
a sexed-up, spaced-out aesthete who 


climbs onto the roof in a thunderstorm, 
stark-naked. Everyone has demons to 
exorcise during a house party so weird 
that Shelley's mistress (later wife), Mary 
Godwin (played by Natasha Richardson, 
daughter of Vanessa Redgrave), alleg- 
edly drew on it when she wrote Franken- 
stein, Unabashed nudity is the rule in 
Captive, in which Irina Brook (daughter 
of British director Peter Brook) stars as 
the titular victim, a Patty Hearstwhile 
heiress who is abducted, blindfolded, 
stripped and suspended upside down 
from th it before she chooses to join 
s rebels holding her. The real 
of course, is against her father 
played by Oliver Reed. Reap- 
ny as а rowdy si Nicolas 
y, Reed advertises for a 
female companion to spend а year with 
him on a desolate tropical island. Enter 
lovely Amanda Donohoe, a girl bored 
with the wot ess world. Dono- 
hoc sheds her clothes the moment they're 
alone in their island paradise, though get- 
ting her to shed her sexual inhi 

takes months of si g and solitude. 
Concentrated s 
S.O.P. for Roeg. whose steamy love scene 
between Julie Christie and Donald 
Sutherland in 1973's Don't Look Now has 
become a classic. 

Another film with a strong erotic slant 
is Half Moon Street, co-starring Michael 
Caine and Sigourney Weaver. He's a lusty 
English lord; she’s an American moon- 
lighting as a London callgirl while doing 
research in Middle Eastern aflairs. If you 
believe that, you probably believe that 
the Ayatollah Khomeini is going to win 
the next Nobel Peace Prize. Half Moon is 
saved from total eclipse mainly by 
Weaver's habit of pulling her clothes off in 
reel after reel. 

Other current and choice examples of 
eroticism with an English accent range 
from The Fourth Protocol (Frederick 
Forsyth espionage, featuring Pierce Bros- 
nan and Joanna Cassidy as a couple of 
K.G.B. agents who connect for a zipless 
kiss-kill encounter) to Car Trouble (Julie 
Walters again, as an unlucky lady who is 
trapped with her paramour while con- 
ducting some extramarital dalliance in a 
runaway automobile). Youth gets its 
knickers off in such breezy excursions as 
Wish You Were Here!, starring teenaged 
newcomer Emily Lloyd, who earned 
raves from critics at the Cannes Film Fes- 
tival for her vibrant performance asa sex- 
ually precocious girl growing up in 
postwar Britain. Lloyd's bittersweet 
odyssey as Lynda, who hardly ever says 
no, is rumored to have been inspired by 
director David Leland’s extensive inter- 
views with madam Cynthia Payne while 
researching his screenplay for Personal 
Services. We learn, among other things, 
that in and around Brighton, a condom 
used to be called a plunker. A dismal fac- 


tory town in Yorkshire is the setting for 
Rita, Sue and Bob Too! The title identifies 
a naughty threesome made up of two 
rather dowdy, easy English dumplings 
(Siobhan Finneran and Michelle 
Holmes) and the loutish young husband 
who drives them home from baby-sitting 
jobs. They usually detour through the 
moors to take turns having the indefatiga- 
ble Bob “joomp” on their well-padded 
bones. Whether Rita, Sue or Bob's wife 
will wind up with exclusive rights to his 
stud services is the weighticst question 
raised by this impudent comedy. 

The carliest indication that American 
moviemakers were edging back into 
screen sexuality actually came late in 
1986, when director David Lynch's Blue 
Velvet emerged as a major sleeper. It 
didn’t hurt when Oscar nominee Woody 
Allen went public, calling Lynch’s kinky 
cult epic the best picture he'd seen all 
year. But by that time, Velvet had already 
begun to build a following for its dark, 
obsessional vision of small-town U.S.A. 
Beyond the white-picket fences, Lynch 
discovers a moral cesspool where teen- 
agers Laura Dern and Kyle MacLachlan 
lcarn about the seamier side of existence 
from a torch singer (Isabella Rossellini, 
frequently unclad) and a demented, 
sadistic drug dealer (Dennis Hopper). 
Such awful truths would have landed Blue 
Velvet in the underground-movie ghetto a 
decade ago, but the film became a modest 
mainstream hit and has zoomed to best- 
scllerdom as a video cassette. 

Screen sex subsequently burst into 
headlines with Angel Heart, directed by 
Alan Parker (an expatriate Brit, inciden- 
tally). This eerie occult thriller set in 
Cajun country stars Mickey Rourke, rea- 
sonably fresh from his controversial stint 
in last year's 9/2 Weeks, this time with sul- 
try Lisa Bonet. The media spotlight fell 
on Lisa, because her steady job is playing 
a wholesome teeny-bopper on TV's top- 
rated Cosby Show. Angel Heart casts her as 
a New Orleans voodoo priestess, her 
black magic culminating in a heavy- 
breathing, blood-spattered carnal en- 
counter with Rourke. The sequence was 
due to earn the film an accursed X until 
Parker agreed to trim ten seconds of the 
love-scene footage. Midway through the 
Angel Heart brouhaha, Motion Picture 
Association of America spokesmen began 
to wonder aloud whether they ought 
to thicken the alphabet soup of the 
M.P.A.A.'s ratings system with a new A 
for adult, supposedly to indicate a myste- 
rious moral posture somewhere between 
R and X. Happily, A is still in limbo. 

Spicing violence with sex seems to be 
all the rage down in Cajun territory. No 
Mercy goes easy on the erotic angle but 
has Kim Basinger soaking wet in the bay- 
ous while handcuffed to Richard Gere, 
who's trying to spring her from bondage 

(continued on page 166) 


“Ever notice how anything good is either faitening or you can gel 
burned at the stake for it?” 


147 


2 RUMORS 


Toll stories of the yeor- Bruce Springsteen plons to run for New 
Jersey governor; various sexy block femole stors ore goy; ond Billy 
Idal dropped trau on o Florido stoge ond couldn't pull them up сооп. 


ó MINNEAPOLIS-ST. PAUL 

Since Prince's 19B0 hit LP. Dirty Mind. hot Twin Cities tolent hos 
exploded notionally. with Hüsker Di, The Replocemerts, Jesse John- 
son, Limited Worronty, Peter Himmelmon, The Jets and Michoel 
Johnson, to name o few. Inexpensive reheorsol ond recording spots 
such os Prince's Paisley Pork Studios drow steody trade from top pop- 
sters, os do producers ond ex-Time musicions Terry Lewis 
ond Jimmy “Jom” Horris (the team behind Jonet Jockson's Control). 


4 TRAX OF OUR TEARS 


Why, we wonder, hos the lost verse been cut from the CD 
version of Warren Zevon's single Lowyers, Guns ond Money? 


2 1 э 
NAUGHTY ROCK 


Spearheoded by the Beastie Boys, who sing obout drugs ond perform 
with o giant hydraulic penis, ond by Bon Jovi ond Mötley Crüe, who 
hove been giving strippers a good nome, naughty rock—the revered, 
historic genre explored by Jerry Lee Lewis and Jim Morrison—hos 
returned. This even while others have been working overtime to shut 
rock up—others being the Parents’ Music Resource Center, the Fed- 
его! Communicotions Commission ond Tipper Gore, who has writ- 
ten on omozingly stupid book called Roising PG Kids in on 
X-Rated Society . The forces of antinaughtiness hove chosen pre- 
dictoble torgets: Throshing Doves, Poison, Ozzy Osbourne, the 
Beostie Boys, Simply Red, Mötley Crüe, Anthrox, Cinderella, stu- 
pid-but-hormless rodio ond other grond monuments to the toste 

of teenoged boys everywhere. When will they learn? Stomping 

out Mótley Crüe or Anthrax won't stomp out teenogers. 


2 5 ө 

NEW JERSEY, YO 

from New Jersey, God 
look clean air ond the re- 
spect of ће 49 other 
states. In return, Jersey 
got Bruce Springsteen, 
Bon Jovi, Kool ond the 
Gong. Southside Johnny. 
The Мопһопопѕ, Ше 
Steven, Patti Smith, Lesley 
Gore, Whitney Houston, 
Frankie Valli and the Four 
‚Seasons, The Smithereens, 
Debbie Horry. - 


Al top speed, it turns от 
500 RPMs. It's nearly shot- 
terprool, it scoffs at scrotch- 
es ond fingerprints ond it 
doesn't wear out. No won- 
der CD shipments shot up 
134 percent last year, while 
monufocturers shipped 25 


percent fewer LPs than in 


19B5. Add those figures to 


Now that rock is over 33, 
how old ore its fons? In o poro- 
ble of our times, the Moody 
Blues video Your Wildest Dreams. 
shows a groupie honging out 
with a musician in the psyche- 
delic Sixties. Then it cuts to her 
in the Eighties, all grown up into oe 
аста евр dra | hn e 
to o Moody Blues concert to re- 
capture her youth, natch. What- 
ever hoppened to teen angsı? fromthenotion'srecord bins. 


increoses in cassette orders 
ond it's clear—the LP is on 
the way out. The owner of 


a mojor record-store choin 


yeors, the LP will disoppeor 


ө © SOCIALLY 
CONSCIOUS ROCK 


Sure, U2 ond Bruce Spring- 
sleen ore good guys. But veteron 
Detroit rocker Scot! Morgon’s 
Sixteen with © Bullet (Jukebox 
Records, P.O. Box 441915, De- 
жой, Michigan 48244) puts © 
headlock on your heart ond is o 
real kicker, too. It's obout racism 
опа teens in Detroit —now thot 
the rats hove obandoned the ship. 

u2 


10 THE SOUND: CHUNG KING 


© 8 ^ 
COOL COUNTRY 


When todoy's country performers heard country music's 
coll, they had something even Hank Willioms didn’t-—rock-'n’= 
roll hearts. And thot has produced o new hybrid thot Nashville 
insiders call “mutt music.” Here are some hot dogs: 

1. Steve Earle—tike Springsteen, he covers blue-collor 
Americo in poignant detoil, bocked by orrangements that show. 
‘equal fealty to country and rock 

2. К. D. Lang—In Conodo, she wos o performance artist 
until she rediscovered Patsy Cline. Long calls her sound “coun- 
try crunch,” “twitch ond twang” and “torch and wang.” 

3. К. T. Oslin—A veteran of commerciols, folk music ond 
Broadway musiccls, Oslims in- 
fluences ore so disporate that finding Dwight Yookam 
‘on accurate lobe! for her is futile. 

4. Randy Travis—Togged os 
the most traditional of the "new tra- 
ditionolists," he sells well to rockers. 
He's been tapped os George Jones's 
heir opporent. 

5. Dwight Yoakam—Re- 
buffed by Nashville, he debuted os a 
Los Angeles “cowpurk.” Yookom's 
lotent punk menace mokes him the 
ongry young man of new country 


MUSIC VIDEO: 
. 11 DEAD OR 
ALIVE 


los year, the Nielsens 
pegged MTV's shore of the no- 
tionol cable TV audience ot o 
bore 0.7 percent—o decline of 
roughly half from the heady 
days of Michael Jackson's Thril- 
ler Execs started doubting the 
value of video to promote es- 
tablished acts. All this resulted 
in video-production cutbacks 
And without the video clips thot 


Welcome to Chung King House of Metal, the hippest recording studio in the U.S. Note the noncorporole record componies hove sup- 
graffiti on the walls, the grimy corridor, the mouser, Mr. Stinky. The control room is smaller thon most home plied ot no charge, who! would 
basements ond a lot dirtier. Из walls flash groffii (e.g., 1 rm A MOTHERFUCKER, THEN кот YOUR MOTHER OFF THE STREETS), үтү do? This year, MTV's rot- 


from the rop stors—Rur-DMC, the Beostie Boys, LL Cool |—who've cut here. The control board is small, 
morked with coffee spills, The equipment is old, doting from the Seventies—Neonderthal in the age of digi- 


tol. Tucked owoy in Monhotton's Chinotown, this is where 


ings still ore down. Videos 
themselves have become formu- 


the megohits of the Def Jom lobel ore recorded. John King Steve Ett, John King and Rick Rubin ot Chung King 1018, while the excitement hos 


opened Chung King four years ago to record “speed 
metal" and punk bands ond promptly hired Steve Ett os 
chief engineer. Then in wolked Def Jom co-owners Russell 
Simmons and Rick Rubin, who fell in love with House of 
Metal's bios toword “low end and high end.” A historic 
string ot loud, explosive rap hits followed. Now Ett ond King 
оге wholesoling vintage recording equipment to those who 
seek to emulote Chung King's bright, punchy, retro sound. 


shifted to Phil Collins" 60-sec- 
‘ond Michelob spots. But thot 
тоу not spell ће end. МТУ 
mokes money: $47,000,000 in 
earnings last year. Not bod for 
о firm thot securities analysts 
describe os "moving sideways. 


19 
“GRACELAND” SPIN-OFFS 


Paul Simon says that what finally put him on the road to Graceland wos a 
cossetie called Gumboots: Accordion Jive Hits, Volume Il, a collection of South 
Africon mbagonga, or township-jive, singles. 

He repaid his inspirational debt by recording, then touring, with black South 
African musicians. Graceland hos mode o difference for Ladysmith Black Mombaza, 
which joined Simon on tour ond on the record. Earlier, Lodysmith had released two albums, 
Induku Zethu ond Ulwandle Oluncgwele, through Shanochie Records. Since then, soles have 
tripled. Shonochie has now released a third LP, Inala, while Warner Brothers issued the Si- 
mon-produced Shaka Zulu. Rounder Records hos released o record by the Воусуо Boys, who 
were cited by Simon as his favorite ост on the Gumboots record. The album title is Bock in Town. 

As for Gumboots: Accordian Jive Hits, Volume Il, maybe you could borrow Paul's tape. 


E 15 ATHENS, GEORGIA 
Athens boosts a lengthy roster cf hot bands, amply documented by the 1987 film Athens, 


Go—InsidelOut. We heor thot the defunct Wolter's Barbecue really deserves the credir. 


dd 


Top performers can spend upwords of 
$100,000 on costumes for а tour. Elton 
John and Cher both use theotrical design- 
ers сі o cost of about $5000 per cos- 
тоте. Prince changed clothes seven times 
during each show on the Purple Roin tour, 
took four wardrobe people with him and 
hod onother six or so sewing oway back in 
Minnesota. Cyndi Lauper once spent $3000 
just to ship her costumes overseas. “She had 
eight trunks full," soys Biff Chandler, who with 
partner Louro Wills does Louper's stogeweor. 
Louper is “like a human Barbie doll,” says 
Chandler, who used to emplay her at Scream- 
ing Mimi's, his ond Willss Manhonan 
vintage-clothing store. Stogeweor must be 
highly visible 10 the back rows yet cool, 
lightweight, durable and easy to get on ond cff. 
Says Ray Brown, who mokes costumes for about 30 


bonds, “Store-bought clothes wouldn't last a month an o 1 5 

the road.” He uses such special materials as o synthetic GROUPIES 

leather that's washable and can be stretched tighter КЕКЕ Б: eee cho gus толу 

thon real leather without spliting—an important con- her best ond then gove the rest lo her 

siderotian when your clients ore Styx, Judos Priest, husband, English rocker Michoel Des 

Ozzy Osbourne, Mötley Crue, Bon Jovi, Iron Maiden, Bags aco ера schip his угог їп 
5 I'm with the Band, on affectionate tell- 

Block Sabboth ond Quiet Riot. Brown soys he goes ой about hor experiences os bedmate ta 


through 50 ar 60 yards of pseudo leather each week. the likes of Mick Jagger and Don Johnson 


-16- 


GET-RICH- 
QUICK SCHEMES 


Ads of the stors: Adidos, 
Run-DMC; Атепсоп Ex- 
press, Amy Gront; Apple 
Computers, Graham Nash; 
Budweiser, Blosters, Coco- 
Cola, Duran Duron, Dier 
Coke, Whitney Houston; 
Dos Equis, Stray Cols; 
folgers coffee, Dwight 
Yoakam; Ford, Rick 
Springfield; Hondo, Lou 
Reed; Maxell tapes, Aretha. 
Fronklin; Michelob, Genesis; 
Miller, The Del Fuegos; 
Pepsi-Cola, Michael Jock- 
son, Glenn Frey, Don John- 
son, Dovid Bowie, Tino 
Turner, Lianel Richie; 
Popeyes Chicken, Fats 
Domino; Sara Lee, Debbie 
Harry. Manhattan Transfer 
ond Al Jarreau; Seagram's 
wine coolers, Bruce Willis; 
Sun Country wine coolers, 
Ringo Storr, Four Tops; 
Swatch watches, Fat Boys. 


Ату Grant for Amex 


тт" 


m 


.]7 • 


KEEPERS: TOP ROCK CDS 


1. Everything in the Beatles’ reissues 
(Capital). Original praducer digitally remos- 
tered ariginal tapes, resulting in glariaus 
clarity that the Beatles didn't get at their own 
playbacks. Recommended: Helpi, Re- 
volver ond Sgt. Pepper. 

2. Everything in the Atlantic and Colum- 
bio reissues of The Rolling Stones. Again, 
‘original producer did digital remostering 
Most-impraved list. Their Satanic 
Majesties Request, Sticky Fingers, 
Exile on Main Street, Dirty Work. 

3. Anything by Dire Straits (Warner), 
especially Brothers in Arms ond Love 
over Gold. Digitol wos made for Mark 
Кпорйегэ truly dynamic guitar 

4. Nothing by The Daars except the lot- 
est, The Best of The Doors (Elektro), 
which has been digitally remastered. 

5. Highway 61 Revisited (Colum- 
bio), by Bob Dylan. A classic with new dori- 
ty. Those ccaustic guitars really chime. 

6. Live at Winterland (Rykodisc), by 
the Jimi Hendrix Experience. The master of 
the psychedelic guitar at his peak, complete 
with cool stage poner ond sides. 

7. Graceland (Worner), by Paul Si- 
mon. One af the most important albums of 
the decade. Sound isn't that improved, but 
опу vinyl surface noise destroys Homeless 

B. Let's Get If On/What's Going 
On (Motown) by Marvin Gaye. A mast in- 
teresting twoler: Worries about the world's 
fote segue into worries abaut getting laid 

9. No Guru, No Method, No 
Teacher (PolyGram), by Von Morrison 
Mood music humanized with off-key weird- 
ness from one af the world's great singers. 

10. Atlantic Rhythm 8 Blues (A- 
lentic). All seven volumes ore nifty, but 
volume six (1966-1969) is the 
absolute necessity for any baby-boomer 
party. If you're intimidated by the invest- 
ment, just remember: Surface noise is as bad 
for dancing as it is far listening 


:]8- 


EVEN YUPPIES. 
GET THE BLUES 


lt started when nouveau bluesman 
Robert Cray's Smaking Gun hit the 
white-boy MTV channel. Since then, 
Croy's fourth album, Strong Per- 
suoder, has gone gold. But this re- 
vival isn’t a ane-man show. Bruce 
Iglauer, whose Alligator Recards is 
home far Albert Collins ond ten ather 
acts, says that his firm's soles have 
doubled for three years in a row. 
Club owner Jim McDoris, ex- 
Chicaga commodities broker who 
opened the Blues Harbar in Atlanta. 
in 19B4, says that accountants, 
lowyers and bonkers jam his club ev- 
ery night. McDaris’ explanation: The 


Yups ore sick of coldhearted arena rock and wont ta ge! back ta the roots, Sa it is that Albert 
Collins is firing off licks in Bruce Willis’ wine-cacler pitch an TV and teaching some young 
suburbanites how to sing the blues in the funniest scene in the film Adventures in Babysitting. 


19 FEUDS 


Mick and Keith ore 
trading barbs in the 
press as each of their 
solo coreers hects up. 
Our favorite quip: A 
reporter asked Keith if 


the Stones’ fighting 


M would end. “You'd 


better ask the bitch,” 


he reportedly soid. 


AER 
ы 2 WARS 


Discovery of hat new acts sets off skirmishes among the 
people who sign them for record companies—the ortist-and- 
repertoire (A&R) departments. Here are the spoils of recent 
wars. 

Shanice Wilson (A&M): MCA ramanced this soulful 14- 
year-ald, then A&M's head of ABR, Jahn McCloin, introduced 
her ta Michael Jackson. She signed. 

Tommy Conwell and the Young Rumblers (Colum- 
bia). Often compared to Elvis Castello, Conwell and his band 
released an indie that has sold с remarkable 50,000 in and 
craund his home town, Philadelphia. 

Curiosity Killed the Cat (PolyGram). When their ol- 
bum Keep Your Distance hit number one in England, every 
major U.S. label checked them aut. Their first video—Misfit — 
was directed by Andy Warhal 

She's Billy (MCA). She's Lisa Michelis, he's Billy 
Schlasser. Glenn Frey and Dan Henley heard them and gotthem 
signed. Intelligent 
New York rockers. 

Fire Town (At- 
lontic); This band was 
inked sa fast, it didn't 
yet have a manager 
Its first LP is naw out. 

Jane’s Addic- 
tion (Worner): L.A. 
glitter band. Singer 
Perry Forrell wears a 
corset, dreadlacks, a 
nose ring—whot- 
ever fits the mood 


Shanice Wilson 


" 2] THE BEATLES 


Sgt. Pepper turned 20 just in time ta see Michoel Jackson buy the rights ta 
the Beotles' cotolog. By raw, Nike has used the original Revolution in o shoe 
commercial ond the Beatles’ Apple camponies have sued Nike ond Copital/ 
EMI, which soys Apple board member Yako Ono ance favored the deal 


e 99 • 


STATE OF THE АКТ 


Rock ‘n’ roll was born of technology. With time, the machinery hos gotten more 


‘comazing—ond cheaper. For $400, o goroge band con now buy better recording 
equipment thon the Beatles used for Abbey Road. Todoy's Les Paul guitar is © 
Kurzweil synthesizer. And the hottest trend is “sampling,” o process whereby musi- 
cions con collect ond store everything from harps to motorcycles in their synthesizers. 
Mickey Hort of the Grateful Deod has o huge collection of percussion instruments 
fram oll over the world. They used to stoy home, but now he's got them all on stoge 


with him, sampled into с drum sampling mochine. Stevie Wander hos performed 
solo, just himself ond more thon $500,000 worth af musical 

machinery. Broodway producers hove discovered that they 

con buy a synthesizer for the omaunt o pit orchestro casts 


them in one week. 


So does sampling spell doom for musicions? Soys 
Bob Brolove, o compuler-music whiz who works with 
Stevie Wonder and the Grateful Dead, “No computer. 
will ever replicate the beauty ond drama of o sax or 
violin solo. The thing is not to lase the show. With live 
performance, it oin’t whot уси do, it’s how you do it.“ 


Dirty litle secrets from our five critics: 

Charles M. Young. | derive enor- 
mous guilt from my pleasure in Borry 
Monilow's Mandy, o song that stonds out os 
perfect schmoltz. My eyes mist à! the open- 
ing chords; | weep openly when the boss 
comes in; and when Manilow gets to the 
chorus obout how Mandy come ond gove 
without toking but he sent her away, | wont 
to call every girlfriend 1 ever hod ond beg 
her to morry me. 

Nelson George. My guiltiest pleasure 
is Bad Company—o stronge claim from o 
black music fonatic from Brooklyn, but, hey, 
there's no accounting for toste. I'm talking 
about Stroight Shooter (1975). Not os ex- 
pansive, ambitious or pretentious os Led 
Zeppelin, Bad Compony specialized in 
streomlined Anglo-Saxon blues rock punctu- 
ated by crunching chord changes ond my 
топ Poul Rodgers’ sometimes raunchy, 


e 
24 DANGEROUS LIVE ROCK 


The Beostie Boys/ Run-DMC tour. 


. 
25 DANGEROUS ROCK SONG 
In 1987, I Want Your Sex, by George Michoel. 


. 
26 DANGEROUS ROCK STAR 


Somontho Fax makes us tremble. 


sometimes soothing, olways soulful voice. 
No British rocker did the blue-eyed-soul gig 
better thon Rodgers 

Robert Christgau. In rock ‘n’ roll, 
guilt is the stupidest of critical sins. It’s sup- 
posed to be o music of double takes, forbid- 
den pleasures and smart things happening to 
dumb people, so who's to feel guilty? Get- 
ting off on a song of suspect sexual poli- 
tics—Kool Moe Dee's Do You Know Whot 
Time It Is?, soy-—doesnrt in itself токе me о 
sexist. Moybe it just means | con empathize 
with somebody else's worst impulses, or od- 
mit my own. From Poul Anko's Diana to Bon 
Jovi's Livin’ on o Prayer, nothing makes me 
prouder thon o song thot sneaks up оп me. 

Vic Garbarini. | coll it The Genre 
Thot Dares Not Speak Its Nome—white- 
trosh music. Remember Torn Between Twa 
Lovers? How about Spiders & Snakes, by 


„ де 


Last yeor, it was synth-de- 
pendent “haircut” bands. This 
yeor, the roots ore showing. 
Best bock-to-bosics story: the 
Georgio Sotellites, who 
ployed Chuck Berry riffs with 
more spirit ond sass thon 
anyone else in o decode. 
Most fun tour of the summer- 
established roots rocker Тот 
Petty with Georgio Sotellites 
ord The Del Fuegos. After o 
five-year hiotus, Worren Zevon 
hos resumed his coreer with 
Sentimental Hygiene, backed 
by ortsylrootsy R.E.M. John Hi- 
‘off turned in his best ond rootsi- 
est olbum, Bring the Family, 
bocked by moster rootsologist 
Ry Cooder. Robert Croy ond 
Steve Miller both followed their 
roots 10 creare о new hybrid: 
blues pop. Ditto Los Lobos with 
chicane pop. Roots rockers we 
vole most likely to break out in 
the coming year: The Del Lords. 


Jim Stafford? Me and You and a Dog Named 
Boo. by Labo? While tempting, Bobby 
Goldsboro's Honey doesn't moke the Ist — 
the genre consists only of totally blond 
white-bread music. Haney is so bad it's 
good. And that’s o whole other category 
There's o race issue here; some cloim block 
artists are incopable of making music this. 
stupid ond pointless. Oh, yeah? Try o few 
bors of Little Green Apples, by O. C. Smith. 

Dave Marsh. If | ever feel guilty, ir's 
ором the music that | love that rorely gers 
reviewed, by me or onyone else. The great 
film composer Ennio Morricone (I must own 
bout 40 of his olbums ond recently bought 
his Best of CD on import) is one example, in 
addition to such Gospel singers cs Marion 
Williams and Cloude Jeter, R&B ond jump- 
blues survivors such os Chorles Brown ond 
the great bluegross giont Ralph Stonley. 


28 FANATICS 


The good, the bod ond the ugh. With- 
those T-shirts? 


‚out fons, who'd buy 


29 


TECHNOLOGY 

Jon Bon Jovi wonted to 
fly. To give the people in 
the back rows о better 
show. Sa lost December, 
Bon Jovis production 
rigger, Steve Lemon, un- 
veiled о system where- 


by Jon 


tropezelike оррого: 


mounts o 


tus, buzzes into the house 

128 feet ot ten feet per 
second, lands on o plat- 
form, does a tune and 
buzzes bock. Almost 200 
shows have yielded only 
опе mishop—o fuse blew 
just prior to take-off in Bon 
Jovi's home-town Mead- 
‘owlonds arena. “My mom 
wos here tonight,” Jon 
Bon Jovi comploined to 
“And she 


lemon later. 


prayed it wouldn't wark.” 


First there were the Crickets ond then the 
Beotles—but weird nomes keep getting hord- 
er to find. How do they come up with this 
stuff, onywoy? Here's how some did. 
Metallica—from o combination of the 
bond's two fovorite things, metal ond vodko 
(er, уобсо]? a-ha—Pol Wooktoar wos writ- 
ing lyrics when he realized a-ha means the 
some thing in every longuoge. Cutting 
Crew—o nickrome for veteron studio musi- 
cons The Smiths—Stephen Morrissey 
sought the most generic name he could find. 
Beastie Boys—It wos “the stupidest 
nome" that the band could think of. Crowd- 
ed House—While making its debut LP, the 
Aussie trio lived in o tiny Hollywood bungo- 
low. soys singer Neil Finn. Living in a 
Box—Richord Dorbyshire named his bond 
after his stoy in government-sponsared hous- 
ing in Englond. The Replacements—The 
bond changed its nome when a club owner 
wauldn't hire them os The Impediments. Ban- 
gles—clipped from the Supersonic Bangs to 
the Bangs, which the bond liked far its dau- 
ble-entendre. until another Bangs forced 

\ therm to the present mix of Bangs ond Beatles. 
Danny Wilson—from Frank Sinotra's 
1952 movie Meet Danny Wilson. Fine 
Young Cannibals—from the 1960 

Robert Wogner/Notalis Wood bomb All 

the Fine Young Connibols. 10,000 Ma- 
niaes—fromthecult gore film 2000.Manioes. 


ól 


ROCK PIX 


Bonds frequenily demand approval of 
pictures before they'll issue concert poss- 
es la phologs. That way, anything they 
don't wont you to see, you won't get ta 
see. The result? Pretty dull shots. 


m 
a 


ROCK 
MOVIES 
Best grode-Z trash pic this year: The 
Gore, in which three kids accidentally 
find the gote to hell. Then they read 
the liner notes оп heavy-metal LPs 
ta find out how to clase the gate 
DRUM 


ó SOLO 


Long-overdue twist: 
Crowded Hause's 
wocky drummer, 
Poul Hester. tokes his 
solos on guitor 


THE 


THE NAME GAME 


Cinderella —from a porn-hilm title in o co- 
ble-TV guide, “not the Disney version,” insists 
leader Tom Keifer. Level 42—fram Dov- 
glos Adams‘ Hitchhikers Guide to the 
Goloxy, in which о computer defines the 
meoring of life os 42. Wang Chung— 
Jack Hues got it from the composer Korl-Heinz 
Stockhousen, who refers to huang chung, 
meaning “perfect pitch” in Chinese. Oingo 
Boingo—The bond claims to have found its 
nome in o fortune cookie. О.В. claims that in 
Szechwon, it is the word used to describe o 
fool thot removes hubcops from Chevys. The 
Del Fuegos—nomed for Tierro del Fuego, 
the southernmost point in South America, be- 
cause their music is “os law-down os you con 
get.” Fire Town— "We like to think there's 
о ploce you con ga to, like you could see it on 
1-94 while driving lo Chicogo," say Doug 
Erikson ond Phil Davis. Concrete 
Blonde—suggested by the bond's friend 
Michoel Stipe of R.E.M. ta mean “something 
both hard and soft.” Timbuk 3—Pot Moc- 
Donold soys, "After Spencer died, someone 
said, “He's nat really deod— he'll turn up in 
Timbukthree ar someplace.” Fuzz Box— 
The all-female band's full nome, We've Gat a 
Fuzz Box and We're Ganra Use lt, refers to a 
distartian box for guitars, or so band mem- 
hers say Hoeters— not what yeu think. I's 
their nicknome for the Hohner Meladica, an 
unusual instrument 


EJES SS 


Johnette Nopalitano, lead singer/ 
bassist for the trio Concrete 
Blonde, is more thon one third 
of creosonto love rock ‘r’ roll 


№ ee 


The Year’s Best: 
_ МИР (Title andArtist).... 
. REBIP (lille and Arlist)............... 


у. damni (ille and Artist) .............. 


3 
4. miri? (Title and Artist)............ 
RD 5. Movie Sound Iratl.................... 
, к 6. New Agel? CileandArtisb............ 
| 7. һїшїїшїҥ (TilleaArtst)........... 
8. live Recording (Title and Artist) ......... 
9, Compact Disc (Title and Arlisl).......... 
10. RockSang (Title and Artist) ............ 
y. PBBSung (ille and Artist). ............ 
12. dar Composition (Title and Arlisl)........ 
13. Country Sang (Тв апі Arlisl).......... 
14. DrivingSmg (MileandArtist)........... 
15. Make-untsung (Title aud Artist) ......... 
1G 1 E 
me 17. Comeback Artist ..................... 
огы са EY 
PIG Boy Misi Pal veure. б SICHER oec дул 
member—we provide the И 
Ea оп 19. Hair aed МӘКЕ-0р .................... 
een DOE MNMI TO уы. em x 
part, write in your Hall of 
ee Qu Al cos 
numbers provided—or, if я 
See De NORE eier 
PURI bal 23. Musicianina YCunmertial.............. 
lots count, and they must м 
АЕ is ae 24 ШШШ o nn 
the poll results, 
eeu A Ebene o 4 е РОА н 


Below, write in the LETTERS and NUMBERS of listed 
you choose. If your choice isn’t listed, then write ir 


Pop/Rock 
MALE VOCALIST 
FEMALE VOCALIST 
INSTRUMENTALIST 
GROUP 


R&B 

WALE VOCALIST 
FEMALE VOGAUIS] 
INSTRUMENTALIST 
GROUP 


Jazz 

MALE VOCALIST 
FEMALE VOCALIST 
INSTRUMENTALISI 
ШР 


Country 
MALE VOCALIST 
FEMALE VOCALIST 
INSTRUMENTALS] 
GROUP 


Playboy Hall of Fame 


Instrumentolists and vocalists, living 
or deod, ore eligible. Artists previ- 
cusly elected (Duane Allman, Herb 
Alpert, Louis Armstrang, Caunt 
Basie, Jahn Banham, David Bowie, 
Dave Brubeck, Roy Chorles, Eric 
Clapton, Phil Collins, John 
Coltrane, Miles Davis, Bab Dylan, 
Duke Ellington, Ella Fitzgerald, 
Benny Goadman, George Harrison, 
Jimi Hendrix, Michael Jockson, Mick 
Jogger, Elian John, Janis Joplin, Jahn 
Lennon, Pou! McCortney, Wes Mont- 
gomery, Keith Moon, Jim Morrison, 
Willie Nelson, Elvis Presley, Lindo 
Ronstodt, Fronk Sinatra, Bruce 
Springsteen, Ringo Starr, Peter 
Townshend, Tino Turner, Stevie 
Wander) ore nat eligible. 
(Mail ballot ta: Playboy Mu- 
sic Poll, Playbay Building, 919 
North Michigan Avenue, Chi- 
cogo, Illinois 60611) 


TEAR ALONG PERFORATION 


CHOOSE THE TOP PERFORMERS BY LETTER AND NUMBER ON THE ACCOMPANYING BALLOT 
TO VOTE FOR SOMEONE WHO'S NOT LISTED, WRITE IN THE FULL NAME. 


POP/ROCK 


MALE VOCALIST 


A1. Jon Bon Jovi 
A2. Bono 
АЗ. Phil Collins 
A4. Peter Gabriel 
AS. Sammy Hagar 
АБ. Mick Jogger 
AT. Huey Lewis 
АВ. John Mellencomp 
Аў. Prince 
AIO. David Lee Roth 
AT. Bob Seger 
A12, Paul Simon 
A13. Bruce Springsteen 
A14. Sting 
A15. Steve Winwood 


FEMALE VOCALIST 


ВІ. Belinda Carlisle 
B2. Gloria Estefan 
B3. Whitney Hauston 
B4. Janet Jackson 
B5. Cyndi Lauper 
Вб. Annie Lennax 
B7. Madonna 

BB. Moria McKee. 
B9. Stevie Nicks 
B10. Sade 

B11. Сопу Simon 
B12. Groce Slick 
B13. Tina Turner 
B14. Suzanne Vego 
BI5. Jody Wotley 


INSTRUMENTALIST 


СІ. Roy Bitton 
C2. Eric Cloptan 
C3. Phil Collins 
СА. Ry Cooder 
C5. Robert Cray 


CB. Mark Knopller 
C9. Keith Richords 

C10. Steve Stevens 

C11. Peter Townshend 

C12 Edward Van Holen 

C13. Stevie Roy Voughon 

C14. Tira Weymouth 

С15. Stevie Wonder 


DI. Beastie Boys 
D2. Bon Javi 
D3. Crowded House 
D4 Eurythmics 
DS. Genesis 
D6. Doryl Holl 8. John Oates 
07. Huey Lewis & the News. 
08. Tom Petty & ће 
Heartbreakers 
D9. R.E M. 
010 Run-DMC 
Bob Seger & the 
Silver Bullet Band 
D12. Bruce Springsteen & 
the E Street Bond 


REB 


MALE VOCALIST 


El. Philip Boiley 

E2. Jomes Brown 

ЕЗ. El DeBarge 

E4. James Ingram 
ES. Freddie Jackson 
ES. Jermaine Jackson 
E7. Michcel Jackson 
EB. LL Cool J 

E9. George Michoel 
ElO. Billy Ocean 

E11. Jeffrey Osborne 
E12. Prince 

E13. Smokey Robinson 
E14. Luther Vandross 
EIS. Stevie Wonder 


FI. Anita Boker 
F2. Peggi Blu 
F3. Aretha Franklin 
F4. Nona Hendryx 
F5. Whitney Houstan 
F6. Janet Jacksan 
F7. Choko Khan 
ЕВ. Glodys Knight 
F9. Patti LaBelle 
F10. Alison Moyet 
F11. Painter Sisters 
F12. Diona Ross 


Sade 
F14. Jody Watley 
FIS, Deniece Willıoms 


INSTRUMENTALIST 


GI. Clarence Clemons 
G2. George Clinton 
G3. Phil Collins 
G4. Robert Cray 
G5. Charlie DeChant 
G6. Herbie Hancock 
G7. Stonley Jordan 
G8. Stuort Matihewman 
C9. Mtume 
GIO. Prince 
G11. Lionel Richie 
G12 Potrice Rushen 
G13. Jomooladeen Tacuma 
G14. Dave “Hawk” Wolinsky 
G15. Stevie Wonder 


HI. Ashford & Simpson 
H2. Beastie Boys 
H3. DeBorge 
H4. Eorth, Wind & Fire 
H5. The Fot Boys 
H6. Gop Bond 
H7. Isley Brothers 
HB. The Jers 
H9. Gladys Knight & the Pips 
HIO. Kool & the Gong 
Lisa Lisa ond Cult Jam 
HI2. LL Cool J 
HI3. Мите 
HI4. Run-DMC 
HIS. Whodini 


JAZZ 


11. Mose Allison 
12. Tony Bennett 
13. George Benson 
14. Ray Charles 
15. Bob Doraugh 
16. Billy Eckstine 
17. Michael Franks 
ІВ. Al Jarreau 
19. Bobby McFerrin 
110, Milton Nascimenta 
111. Lou Rawls. 
112. Gil Scott-Heron 
113. Frank Sinatra 
114. Mel Tormé 
115. Joe Williams 


FEMALE VOCALIST 


1. Patti Austin 
12. Angela Bofill 
13. Dee Dee Bridgewater 
34. Jean Carne 
15. Betty Corter 
16. Ella Fitzgerald 
J7. Lena Horne. 
18. Whitney Houston. 
J9. Cleo Laine 
J10. Tania Maria 
J11. Carmen McRoe 
J12. Sade 
213. Sarah Vaughan 
314. Dionne Warwick 
315. Nancy Wilson 


INSTRUMENTALIST 


K1. Jone Ira Bloom 
K2. Stanley Clarke 
K3. Billy Cobham 


K6. Dizzy Gillespie 
K7. Herbie Hancock 
K8. Chuck Mangiane 
K9. Branford Marsalis 
K10. Wyntan Marsalis 
K11. Pat Metheny 
K12. Sonny Rollins 
КІЗ. David Sanborn 
K14. Wayne Shorter 
K15. Grover Woshington, Jr. 


LI. Akiyoshi/Tabackin 
Big Bond 
12. Ornette Coleman and 
Prime Time 
L3. Crusaders 
L4. Michoel Franks 
L5. Herbie Hancock 
Ló. Bab James/David Sanborn 
L7. Stanley Jordon 
18. Jeff Lorber Fusion 
19. Chuck Mangione 
LIO. Spyro Gyra 
LIT. Sting 
L12 Charlie Watts Orchestra 
113. Weather Report 
LI4. World Sax Quartet 
115. Yellawjockets 


COUNTRY 


MALE VOCALIST 


MI. John Anderson 


М5. George Jones 

Mó. Ronnie Milsop 

М7. Gary Morris 

M8. Willie Nelson 

М9. Kenny Rogers 
MIO. Ricky Skaggs 
MIT. George Strait 
M12. Randy Travis 
МІЗ. Steve Wariner 
M14. Hank Williams, Jr 
MIS. Dwight Yookam 


FEMALE VOCALIST 


Rosonne Cash. 
The Farester Sisters. 


Loretta Lynn 
Barbara Mandrell 
Kathy Mattea 
INJO. Reba McEntire 
Juice Newtan 
K. T. Oslin 
NI. Dolly Parton 
N14. Judy Rodman 
N15. Tammy Wynene 


INSTRUMENTALIST 


OI. Chet Atkins 
©2. Glen Campbell 
ОЗ. Roy Clark 
O4. Ry Cooder 
OS. Steve Earle 
O6. Amos Gorren 
O7. Johnny Gimble 
OB. Sonny James 
O9. Charlie McCay 
O10. John MeEuen 
Bill Monroe 


ZZZZZZZRZ 
F 
t 
E 


O15. Steve Wariner 


moa 
P2. The Bellamy Brothers 
РЗ. Exile 
P4. Harris, Partan and Ronstadt 
PS. Highway 101 
P6. Waylon Jennings 
& the Waylars 
P7. The Willie Nelson Band 
РВ. The Nitty Gritty Dirt Bond 
P9. Cok Ridge Boys 
P10. Restless Heart 
P11. Sawyer Brown 
P12. Southern Pacific 
РІЗ. Statler Brothers 
P14, The Whites 
P15. Hank Williams, Jr., & 
the Bama Band 


SEAGRAM'S 7AND EIGHT BALL 


Seagram's Seven Crown á America's Good Time Spirit. 


KNOCKOUT 
PUNCH 


"| don't hove the voice ond deliv- 
ery of o Howard Cosell or the 
chorm of a John Modden. I’ve nev- 
er been good at smiling ot a cam- 
era, ond when | go to work, the 
make-up woman shrieks because 
I'm so pole,” soys ABC Sports box- 
ing onolyst Alex Wallau (rhymes 
with swollow). “But | have o knowl- 
edge and a love of the sport. | try 
1o communicole." Relying more on 
o sharp verbol job than on a flurry 
of rheloric, Wollou, 42, moy nct be 
the sexiest broodcoster in sports, 
but he is fost becoming one of the 
best. After nine years behind the 
scenes as the network's boxing 

consultont, he took Cosell's old 
seot at ringside lost yeor. His 
stroightforword commentory won 
rove reviews but lost him o few 
friends. “I hod established friendships with o lot of fighters over the years. Lost yeor, | hod to 
go on the oir ond exploin why they were going to get knocked out,” he soys. Even losers, it 
seems, oppreciate the silver-moned onolyst's honesty—ond his love for the beouty in ugliness 
that boxing entoils. “Boxing can be o bloody spectocle,” he soys, “but | don't think people go 
to fights to see blood. | moy be noive, but I think they go to see quolities thal are rore in 
modern society —couroge, self-discipline, heort, chorocter—all the quolities boxing tests so 
severely ond so openly.” Wallou sees Muhommod Ali ond Sugor Roy Leonard os the pre-emi- 
nont boxers of our day, Mike Tyson os Mr. Potentiol ond Mork Breland as o welterweight 
sleeper. "There is olways o sense of excitement to o knockout puncher,” he soys. “You sow it 
orcund Tyson before he ever beot a good fighter. Thot's the thrill, the intrigue of the sport. The 
knockout punch—that hos olways been the sex of the sport." —KEVIN COOK 


POLITICAL SATIRE 
[FOR] 
FUN AND PROFIT 


prefers a mor 
and Cary Gr: 
the Windy 


lary.” PBS took note a 
NeillLehrer Newshour 
comedy troupe, * 

notes. “Wh 


mote hi 
to lease 


keep the condo.” 


BENNO FRIEDMAN 


nd wife of Pulitzer Prize-winning 
David Hume Kennerly, 
lions of family pictures at 


in the house. Her answer— "a medium 
mount” —is less interesting than the 
fact that she often accompanies her 
husband on assignments. “We've gone 
Z out with the PLO. on raids; says Har- 
E ris, 31. "We've gone down the Jordan 
E er with King Hussein and gone 
Š scuba diving in the Gulf of ‘Agaba— 


FZ not your usual travel things" If Harris 


ie years as a model and appeared in 
3 (“Iwas the last Tab girl") 
20 before breaking into acting. Thirty 
{ Something, TV's answer to The Big 
Chill, is the highly touted show about 
the highs and lows of being a baby 
boomer. Harris portrays a frazzled 
mother of a small child, a role she 
plays in real life as well. “1 asked 
David to read the script!” she says, 
‘and after he read it, he asked, "How 
jong have they been living with us 
^ without telling me?" —awy сносе 


ES 
T 


While Chicago critics call him "the funniest man in Chicago," Aaron Freeman 
‚dest description. “Just think of me as a cross between Will Rogers 
nt,” he suggests. The gravel-voiced, bug: 
y City by storm with Council Wars, a show parodying the agonizing battle 
between Mayor Harold Washington and white aldermen Edward Vrdolyak and Ed- 
ward Burke for control of Chicago. That show gene 
punch lines that the Chicago Reader declared it “p: 

d signed Freeman, 31, as ге 
Now he's the newest member ol the famed Second City 
"he last time they had a resident black actor was 1968,” he 
ch means either that they've changed their policy or that they 
safe until 2008.” That still leaves Freeman time to be chief writer and one of 
the stars of Out of Control, a new syndicated comedy TV show 
first book, Confessions of a Lotlery Ball. Success has 
s first car. “It beats the hell out of taking the bi 
but quickly denies that he has sold out. “I describe myself'as a social 
capitalist. 1 believe in d 


уса political satirist first took 


ued so many oft-repeated 
tof the city's political vocabu- 
ident humorist on the Mac- 


re 


and to pro- 
flowed him 
` he say 


р of the proletariat—but PI 
L WALTER Lowe, JK 


DAVID HUME KENNERLY 


TT. 


don't really think I have a poker 

lace." bluffs 26-year-old Cyndy Vio- | 
lette. Already a five-year veteran of the 
professional poker-tournament circuit, Vio- gs 
lette does, however, have a hard-won Ma 
reputation as a wily high-stakes seven 
card-stud player. Last December, she tock 
on 185 opponents—most of thern men—in 
one of the Golden Nugget Grand Prix 
of Pokers seven-card-stud events and 
walked away from the table with first 
place and $74,000. “Winning felt better 
than I ever imagined it would.” she says. 
It wasn't so much the money as the enor- 
mous relief, Coming in second or third just 
wasn't enough.” Unfortunately for Violette. 
some of the men in the game found her 
lacking even when she came in first. “You 
never get any credit.” she complains. "No 
matter how good you are. the guys wont 
believe it.” Not all the guys. of course. Re- 
cently. Violette gained the grudging re- 
spect of poker champ “Amarillo Slim” 
Preston. a diehard traditionalist who once 
claimed, “I'll slit my throat if a woman ev- 
er wins a major poker tournament. Today. 
he plays a different hand. “Cyndy would 
beat me like a stepchild if 1 was to play 
seven-card stud with her.” he admits with 
old-school charm. "She plays like a man, 
and that means darn good. — ED DWYER 


ROBERT MATHEU 


R.SCOTT HOOPER 


BACK FROM THE BRINK 


When 36-year-old singer-composer John Hiatt says he couldn't have handled large- 
scale success before now, you have to believe him. “I was a scared and scary practic- 
ing drug addict and alcoholic until August of 1984," he confesses. Not long after he 
became sober, his wife committed suicide. “Suffice it to say, we were both very sick,” 
he explains. “One of us survived and one of us didn’t.” Hiatt has since remarried and 
now lives in Nashville with his three-year-old daughter and nine-year-old stepson. 
Bring the Family, his latest album, which chronicles his final battles with the bottle, his 
recover y from his wife's death and his new-found domestic bliss, is also something of 
a comeback. Hiatt's professional relationships were as rocky as his home life, with a 
series of on-again, off-again record contracts. “I was quite willing to let my recording 
career sit for a while,” he says of that tumultuous period. It seems as if the only con- 
stant in his life has been praise from critics. “Am I a critics’ darling?” he chuckles, “If 
they just had an opportunity to meet me, we could fix that.” —LAURA FISSINGER 161 


PLAYBOY 


162 


KELLY MC GILLIS (continued from page 133) 


"It's hard to be 5'10" and blonde, ride the subway 
and not have things happen to you.” 


for them, To me, it’s sexy that I'm allowed 
to decide what happened. 


10. 


pravnov: How can an actor help you most 
in a love scene? 
мє curas: By not laughing 


11. 


praynox: You're known as an avid reader 
Us on your nightstand? 

cius: If you really want to know, I've 
just finished Real Rape, and now I'm read- 
ing How to Convict a Rapist. It's just light 
reading! [Laughs] No, it's research—I 
play a deputy district attorney in my next 
movie. For pleasure, I'm reading The Little 
Prince, a Dr. Seuss book, Eloise, Les 
Liaisons Dangereuses and Hemingway's 
Garden of Eden 


12. 


Why so many children's books? 
: Love children's stories—they 
imple and concise, not bogged down by 
any technicalities, They're like children 
in that way. I think children are great: 
They're so available; they don't have any 
of the woes of the world, haven't gotten 
muddled up by any false ideology. They're 
very direct, and they're not judgmental. 1 
never thought about being a mother until 
1 made Witness. | had such a great time 
with Lukas Haas [who played her son], it 
almost scared me. 


13. 


pravioy: You've lived in New York for ten 
years. Have you ever been mugged? 
мє сив: A few times. 105 hard to be 5'107 


0 JÛ 


and blonde, ride the subway and not have 
things happen to you. One night, during 
the first snow of the year, a friend was 
walking me home and two guys came up 
with a gun and said, “Give us your 
money." Î started laughing: I didn't know 
what to do. I said, “What? I don't have 
any money.” I was a student at Juilliard; I 
lived on $30 a week. I had this huge mail- 
bag full of books, heavy as hell, and I said, 
“Here, take my bag,” figuring there was 
they could pick it up and run with 
it. One guy was convinced 1 was wearing 
jewelry. He said, “Give me your rings or 
ГИ fucking kill I'm not 
fucking wearing any rip- 
ping off my gloves and thinking, Don't 
shoot me just because I'm not wearing 
jewelry! Then they told us to turn around 
and walk down the street; that was that. 


14. 


м.лувоу: You've also lived in L.A. What's 
your worst story about it? 

Nc onus: Га just moved there, and I was 
driving around on Melrose Avenue when 
this guy in a Mercedes pulled up beside 
me. He was masturbating furiously! Then 
he started to follow me. 1 was so panicked 
I didn't know what to do. I stopped at a 
gas station and then realized what an idiot 
Pd been, I had a telephone in my car. I 
could've let him follow me and just called 
for help. 


15. 


riaynoy: Does being famous ma 
guys easier? 

weis: No—far more difficult, because 
you tend to doubt people's sincerity. A lot 


“And in case you're wondering, I'm not one of those 
women who prefer cuddling to sex.” 


of people want to know you for what you 
are and not who you are, And me, I'm a 
trusting idiot. I'm always one to start talk- 
ing to people—mayhe it’s sort of field 
research for acting. It’s terrible, becau 
lot of guys misinterpret 
out for a date. No, no, no, no, that’s not it 
I just love talking to people. 

Since Top Gun, it's gotten worse. I think 
that this is the longest period of being 
alone I've had in years. It's been a good 
experience for me: Гус learned a lot about 
how to be alone. | don't think you can be 
with somebody until you've learned that 


16. 


Do you prefer being alone to 
being with someone? 

ecuaus: Oh, 1 love being in love, and I 
and out of love easily. I think it’s the 
best thing in the world. There have been 
moments when 1 really wanted to get mar- 
tied, but it's best that I didn’t. I can 
become so fanatical about someone that I 
don’t ес all sides of his personality. I'm a 
terrible romantic: 1 fall in love with the 
idea of being in love, not necessarily with 
the person. It hasn't happened in a while. 
Maybe I'm growing up a bit. 


17: 


PLAYBOY: Arc you dating anyone now? 
MCGILLIS: Yes, if vou can call it that—it’s 
morc like long-distance dating, over the 
phone. It’s hard to keep a steady relation- 
ship going in this business; it's one of the 
sacrilices vou make. I would like to settle 
down with one person, but it's hard. Most 
people 1 see are ninc-to-five-ers, and they 
aren't available to fly around and meet me 
in Vancouver, San Francisco, Los Angeles, 
New York. So... I meet people. I'm very 
passionate: I love that. 


18. 


plavoy: Are the names in your liule black 
book written in pen or in pencil 
menus: Oh, pen. 1 always remember 
them. li doesn’t mean 1 have to see them! 


ing the 


PLAYBOY 


19. 


riayboy; You've played them all—blondes, 
brunettes and redheads. Who really has 
more fu 
vicinus: Га definitely say redheads. Hav- 
ing red hair makes me feel a bit wild. 


20. 


raw: Now that you've been in a few hit 
movies, your disposable income must be 
way up. Do you like to shop? 

MOGILLIS: | used to. 1 have a great passion 
for buying sexy underclothes. But now I 
have this phobia and I don’t go out shop- 
ping anymore. Maybe it has to do with 
being recognized. You know, Um out look- 
ing at underwear and someone says, 
"Aren't you Kelly McGillis?" and 1 say, 
“Yeah, but can I just pick out some under- 
wear by myself, please?” 


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e 
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epe on la orale. an delo esse 
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tion, or none at all, fill in the response card 
Aes rave alas it by the date specified. You 
ays have at least 10 days to make ‘decision. 

1 you ever receve any Selection wihout Favaghadat 

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ehe te is and records you order during your mem- 
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I My main musical interestis (check one): 
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D Herd Rock (Heart, U2) 

Do Rock Fleetwood Mac, Paul Simon 

Pop (Barbra Streisand, Neil Diamond) 

Heavy Metal (Ozzy Osbourne, Motiey Cruel 


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163 


PLAYBOY 


BEST OF THE BROWNS RRA 


“The word whiskey derives from uisge beatha, Gaelic 
for ‘water of life.’ We'll drink to that—any time.” 


main course, They found the fish and the 
single malt to be a superb marriage, with 
the Scotch adding a lingering smoky tang, 

Meanwhile, back in Ireland, only four 
distillerics in the republic survived the 
Ican years when Irish whiskey was edged 
out by Scotch. They joined forces in 1966 
and, in 1976, operations were consolidated 
in a huge new distilling complex in Midle- 
ton, County Cork, Old Bushmills joined 
the group later but retained its own facili- 
ties in County Antrim, Northern Ireland. 

The Irish use a mixture of malted and 
unmalted barley in what they call their 
flavoring whiskeys. Unlike the Scots, they 
dry the malt without smoke, and the result- 
ant whiskey has a mellow, grainlike taste. 
But taking note of the popularity of blend- 
ed Scotch, the Irish-whiskey industry also 
lightened up. A vice-president of Irish Dis- 
tillers, John Ryan, claims that “whereas 
the key to Scotch whisky is in the Шеваи 
the key to Irish the distilling. 
Midleton, pot stills and column stills 
stand side by side, all operated from a 
computerized control panel. In Ryan's 
metaphor, the stillman "plays it like an or- 
gan" to achieve the combination of fla- 
voring and gram whiskeys that gives each 
of the dozen or so labels its 
Is coming into the U.S. 
light Dunphy's and. Murphy 
jameson (with a bit more body and 
finesse), Paddy and Power (somewhat 
fuller) and Old Bushmills, whose hint of 
smokiness is imparted by water from St. 
Columb's Rill, which flows over peat. 


Jameson 1780, a rich, full 12-ус: 
ned to woo Scotch-malt fanci 
the superpremium category; so is Black 
Bush, a round, redolent product that's 
aged in sherry casks, Double B has been 
called the cognac of Ireland and is custom- 
y ollered in a snifter. But for those who 
insist on ice, Bushmills suggests the Per- 
fected Black Bush: 11/2 ozs. Black Bush in 
a tall glass filled with ice, stirred 6 times to 
the left, 6 times to the right, 5 times up and 
down and then strained into a snifter, A 
touch of drollery there, but it does chill the 
whiskey without overdilution. 
At the lighter end of the brow! 
spectrum, we have C. n whisky 
light in color, flavor and body. They 
ойс d to as rycs, but this is a m 
nomer, since little of that pungent grain 
used. Аз а matter of fact, the mash is pri- 
ly corn—American-grown at that. 
Canadians neatly fill the gap between 
vodka and the bigger brown whiskeys 
They give you the taste of whiskey but not 
the aftertaste. At one time, Canadian 
whisky meant two prestige labels to the 
American consumer: Canadian Club and 
Scagram's V.O., both bouled in Canada 
But in recent times, so-called bulk goods. 
shipped in barrels and bottled here, have 
caught on. They're cheaper than bottled- 
in-Canada whiskies, largely because of less 
aging and lower shipping costs. Canadian 
Mist, Windsor Supreme, Black Velvet and 
Lord Calvert lead the bulk parade, offering 
good value and the cachet of an import 
Canada's most respected whisky is 


Crown Royal, which comes in a regal vel- 
vet sack. For years, this subtle, sophisti- 
cated product owned the ultrapremium 
Canadian market. [t is now being chal- 
lenged by a new superwhisky, Canadian 
Club Classic, from you-know-who. 

"Canadians and American blended 
whiskeys are in the same family. The tech- 
nical difference between the groups is 
slight," resident. for 
quality managem sell W. Mec- 
Lauchlan, a Houdini of spirits responsible 
for all Seagram brands. Rating relative 
flavor intensities on a scale of one to ten, he 
es bourbon a ten, American blends a 
five and Canadian whiskies a three. 

In many ways, American blends are 
more strictly regulated than Canadians. 
They must have at least 20 percent straight 
whiskey; in practice that's bourbon. The 
rest of the mixture may be light whiskey, 
which has far less character than bourbon, 
or grain neutral spirits. If the latter are in- 
cluded in the blend, the percentage must 
be shown on the label. If no listing of com- 
ponents appears, it indicates that the con- 
tents are all whiskey. Scagram 7 is the only 
major blend that is all whiskey, which may 
explain its popularity. Kessler, Calvert 
Extra, Fleischmann's Preferred and Impe- 
rial are the other top sellers in the group. 

Canadian bulks and American blends 
are amiable mixers in cocktails i 
balls; the premiums, V. 
Club, do nicely on the rocks; and the su- 
perpremiums, Canadian Club Classic and 

‘sown Royal, warrant snifter treatment. 
Although tastes in whiskey, as in most 
ngs, are subjective, there are absolute 
standards by which you can make judg- 
ments. A well-made whiskey should reflect 
the signature of its category in taste and 
bouquet. Bourbons are quite aromatic, 
with a full bloom and body. The bouquet 
hints at vanilla, caramel and wood. Scotch 
immediately says peat and smoke, with a 
counterpoint of grain and wood; malt 
Scotch is nectarcous. Irish whiskey has 
been refined over the past two decades but 
still reflects the taste of its glorious ances- 
try. Canadian whiskies are gentle and un- 
derstated. However, delicacy must not be 
confused with blandness. American blends 
are formulated to the perceived taste of the 
consumer. It’s a middle-ol-the-road taste, 
ii EA best of bourbons, ryes and 
Like oenophiles, whiskey 
tasters sniff che bouquet, which should be 
clean and immediately identifiable, Tactile 
sensations contribute to the over-all pleas- 
ure. A mature whiskey will be smooth 
and rounded, and leave a warm, 
pleasant aftertas 

The word whiskey derives from uisge 
beatha, or usquebaugh, Gaelic for “water 
of life.” The name was given to the newly 
discovered ardent distillate by our progen- 
itors, who saw in it magical properties. 
When taken in moderation, it appeared to 
increase vigor, sharpen wit and lighten the 
heart. We'll drink to that—any time. 


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PLAYB 


165 and yields to temptati 


SEKIN CINEMA. сыл» 


to a very bad egg. Things get considerably 


wilder in The Big Easy, another vip to New 
ad Ellen 


Orleans, where Dennis Quaid 
Barkin—playing a corrupt cop and 
cious prosecutor—settle most 
dillerences on a mattress in a couple of tor- 
rid scenes that look as though they might 
make the earth move. 
While Lethal Weapon gives the women 
who dream about him a gratifying glimpse 
of Mel Gibson’s buns, sex is hardly as cen- 
tral to the plot as it is in two other hot sus- 
pense dramas, Black Widow and The 
Bedroom Window. Widow stars Theresa 
Russell as a sexpot serial killer who loves 
men, leaves "em stone-dead and enjoys а 
nude swim between 
jobs. She also enjoys 
a kiss, hinting of 
lesbian excitement, 
with Debra Winger. 
playingan FBI agent 
who scems to be on 
her case in every 
sense. In The Bed- 
room Window, Steve 
Guttenberg beds his 
boss's wife (Isabelle 
Huppert) just before 
she glances out and 
witnesses a sex 
maniac’s assault 
Several reels later, 
he's got the fright- 
ened victim (Eliza- 
beth McGovern) 
upstairs sharing his 
shower. Some steam 
also rises in No Way 
Out, all about sexual 
politics in Washing- 
ton, D.C., with 
Kevin Costner and 
ап Young as two 


beautiful people 
whose first zipless 
fuck in a limo indi- 
rectly triggers a cri- 
is at the Pentagon 


skin is served up by 
British-born direc- 
in Lyne (the 


nd 9% Weeks) in 
Fatal Altraction. This cautionary tale casts 
Michael Douglas as a New York lawy 
who learns about the wages of sin after a 
weekend wallow with a psychotically pos- 
sessive editor (Glenn Close). Early reports 
suggest that these major stars are at it 
everywhere, including the kitchen sink, 
where they—and the water taps—are 
turned on for an impromptu orgy 
Witchery, occult rituals and outright 
horror spice not only Angel Heart but 
many other films of 1987. Murders in a 
al monastery keep Sean Conne 
preoccupied in The Name of the Rose, while 
his lusty young aide whips off his cassock 
n with a mute pe: 


edi 


You cant h 


8 years old, 101 proof, pure Kentucky 


KENTUCKY STRAGHT BOUREON WHISKEY AUSTIN NICHOLSDISTILLING CD, LAWRENCEBURG, VY © 1986 


ant girl in the chapel. Going to the Devil is 
treated less seriously in The Witches of Eas 
wick, George (The Road Warrior) Miller's 
slaphappy screen version of a John Updike 
best seller, Jack Nicholson sets the tone as a 
sort of gonadal Mad Max who introduces 
himself by saying, “I'm just your average 
horny little Devil.” Cher, Susan Sarandon 
and Michelle Pfeiffer play the New England 
suburbanites on his hit list. Weird doings 
elsewhere assume sundry shapes and 
forms, from Burnin’ Love (a spoof with Bar- 
bara Carrera as a sultry Salem witch) and 
A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream War- 
riors (Freddy's back, at one point reappear- 
ing as a bare-bosomed creature of the 


or bourbon. 


Especially bourbon. 


night) to My Demon Lover (featuring a sap- 
head hero who turns into a warlock or God 
knows what when sexually aroused) 

If there's no other way to heat up a 
movie, hire a stripper. That formula works 
for Kandyland, which is all about ecdysi 
asts—featuring Sandahl Bergman and 
Playmate Kim Evenson, Miss September 
1984—and for The Big Town, with Di 
Lane as a Fifties stripper dancing down 
the runway to catch Matt Dillon's e 
en when sex appeal seems secondary, 
scene set in a topless joint often appears 
obligatory. In Best Seller, James Woods 
and Brian Dennehy ¢ premeditated 
murder while go-go girls do their thing 
Both Beverly Hills Cop H and Dragnet use 


love 


the ever-popular tits-and-ass gimmick 
And in Summer School, Mark Harmon 
plays a teacher who discovers one of his 
male students doing bumps and grinds in 
a Chippendales-style club, 

Dragnet may also be remembered as the 
rst major movie to make casual note of the 
condom revival: Vice cop Tom Hanks, 
shacked up with a policewoman, checks his 
bedside packet of rubbers, finds it empty 
and decides he may as well crawl out and 
report for duty. Another comedy, the up- 
coming It Had to Be You, begins with Joc 
Bologna and Donna Dixon abed, the con- 
doms pointedly visible nearby. 

Lewdness made laughable, of course, 
adds up to moderate titillation with mini- 
mal risk of censure. Hollywood likes th 

Mel Brooks's Spar: 
balls docs the job 


with dirty words 
rather than dirty 
deeds, figuratively 


goosing Star Wars. 
omething Wild does 
it with Jef Daniels 
and Melanie Grif- 
fith, as ап ill-met 
couple going from 
bed to worse during 
а mad, тай week- 
end on the road. 
Making Mr. Right 
achieves it with 
John Malkovich, as 
a well-hung robot 
whose misadven- 
tures include getting 
his ass on backward 
Roxanne gives Steve 
Martin, a fire chief 
and latter-day Cy- 
rano de Bergerac, 
the chance to meet 
Daryl Hannah while 
she's locked out of 
her house wearing 
nary a stitch (though 
well concealed by 
shrubbery). Man- 
nequin lets Andrew 
McCarthy fondle his 


dream girl, а depart- 
ment-store dummy; 
in Ishtar, Warren 
Beatty gropes for Isabelle Adjani’s breasts 


to make sure she's not a male terrorist. The 
Secret of My Success introduces sex by let- 
ting Michael J. Fox, an inside trader, t 
favors with his boss's lickerish wife, And we 
mustn't forget Kim Basinger, a 
roaring drunk and ready as Bruce Willis’ 
partner in Blind Date, then up to her pretty 
neck in trouble when she tries to get back 
compromising nud. i 


some 
Nadine 

In Ameri ms, real 
more explicit t 
Today's directors mostly prefer 
to sho: а many sull dote 
such clichés symbolizing physical p: 
as exploding rockets or express trains 


photos im 


nec is still 
© fun stull. 


telling 
on 


penetrating tunnels. That sort of schmaltz 
used to be treated as a joke in the James 
Bond movies, though The Living Daylights, 
007's latest, has a genuinely romantic 
twist—with Timothy Dalton a monoga- 
mous Bond limiting his sexual dalliance (as 
discreetly as ever) to one partner, Maryam 
d'Abo. There's a sign of the times. 

Recent kid stuff seems a cut above the 
rash of tiresome youth movies of the past 
few years. Now, in place of Porky's IV, we 
have The Lost Boys, a reasonably hip, 
sophisticated spoof about vampires making 
out in a Cal ia beach town. Adventures 
Icatherweight but engaging 
foolery about a Chicagoland baby sitter 
(Elisabeth Shue) whose troubles begin, 
sort of, because someone thinks she rescm- 
bles a Playboy Playmate. Dirty Dancing 
deals with sex, abortion and putting on a 
show at a Catskill resort, where Patrick 
Swayze and Jennifer Grey (Joel's daugh- 
ter) maintain the rhythm. At least three 
new movies treat the subject of very young 
men getting it on with older women: Rive 
Phoenix, in Jimmy Reardon, is no sooner out 
of the sack with his mom's chum (Ann 
Magnuson) than he discovers that his 
dad's been phoning her, too; C. Thomas 
Howell's swinging partner in A Tiger's Tale 
is luscious Ann-Margret, no less; and In the 
Mood stars Pau Dempsey as Ellsworth 
"Sonny" Wisecarver, who became a head- 
line-hogging hero during World War Two 
by eloping with two mature women before 
he reached sweet 16. The Brat Pack? It's 
over. Sean Penn was sentenced to jail (not 
for Shanghai Surprise, his misbegotten duet 
with Madonna), and Rob Lowe plays, 
quite convincingly, a retarded boy who's 
seduced by a Texan tart in Square Dance. 

Variety's aforementioned hit list of horny 
highbrow features also paid proper homage 
to the French. Betty Blue, a sizzling 1986 
holdover, was followed by L'Année des 
Méduses (Year of the Medusas). Here, 
Valerie Kaprisky, best remembered for 
starring in the remake of Breathless opposite 
Richard Gere, plays another nymphet 
enjoying an endless topless summer on the 
Riviera, making l'amour the merrier with 
just about any male who gives her a second 
look. Other French entries well worth a 
glance are Scene of the Crime, which reveals 
enough of durable superstar Catherine 
Deneuve to discourage any serious chal- 
lenge to her title as the most beautiful 
woman alive, and Rendezvous, introducing 
Juliette Binoche as a promiscuous budd 
actress whose sex partnersincludea Romeo 
(Lambert Wilson) who comes back from 
the dead to bed her. 

The most controversial Italian entry is 
indisputably Marco Bellocchio's new ver- 
sion of the French classic Devil in the Flesh. 
The widely publicized scene that got the 
movie an X rating has heroine Maruschka 
Detmers performing unmistakable fellatio 
on her teenaged lover. More distracted 
than shocked, New York Times critic Vin- 
cent Canby called Bellocchio’s defiant 
hard-core sequence “a fatal gaffe,” noting 


that “the camera butts into the action, 
the director ofa porn film, to show the audi- 
ence things that only a pushy third party 
would ever see.” Canby also asked (some- 
what naively, perhaps), "What about 
AIDS?” More Italian cinematic pizzazz is 
evident in Lina Wertmüller's Summer 
Night, starring Mariangela Melatoasa very 
rich bitch who arranges to kidnap the 
handsome terrorist leader (Michele 
Placido) who's been snatching, and collect- 
ing ransom on, all her high-and-mighty 
friends. Do I have to tell you that the bil- 
lionairess and the chained brute wind up in 
bed together? Still, the critical consensus 
was that Wertmüller and Mclato had made 
essentially the same movic, and made it 
in their 1975 hit Swept Away. 
added to the fire with The Law of 
Desire, a mad homoerotic comedy about 
unrequited love and murder, and Padre 
Nuestro, starring Fernando Rey as 
aged, dying cardinal who gocs back to his 
roots to settle some old scores. Chiefly, he 
wants to make peace with 
daughter (Victoria Abril), a practicing 
whore who boldly flaunts her family ties— 
and all her other assets—as the bastard 
child of a churchman. From Sweden 
comes My Life as a Dog, a refreshingly 
warm-blooded comedy about a city-bred 
boy who has to move to the country to dis- 
cover budding breasts, sec-through lin- 
gerie and a nude model. An engaging 
handbook on how to muddle through 
when your mom and your pooch dic. 
French-Canadian moviemaker Denys 
Arcand's The Decline of the American 


Empire, despite its sharp subtitled wit, was 
edged out of an Oscar for best forcign-lan- 
guage film. Even so, this sexual Donny- 
brook in academe—four women vs. four 
men at a country-weekend dir 
where | seems to be the m; 
already slated to be remade i 


English, 
with big names and every verbal barb still 
tipped in curare. 


Elsewhere in the Commonwealth coun- 
tries, nothing quite measures up, sexwise, 
to the bristling bundles from Britain. Aus 
tralia's holdover blockbuster “Crocodile” 
Dundee does allow Paul Hogan to be con- 
fronted by Manhattan’s transvestite hook- 
ers and other Naked City fauna. Kangaroo, 
ош of D. Н. Lawrence, reveals Judy Davis 
and her husband, Colin Friels, in a wild, 
wet love scene on the beach. Another hus- 
band-wife team, Rachel Ward and Bryan 
Brown, plays a mismatched couple in The 
Good Wife, with Ward as a repressed 
wilderness woman who first sleeps with her 
brother-in-law, then throws caution to the 
wind in her passion for a ne'cr-do-well bar- 
keep (Sam Neill). 

Down in the cinematic nether world of 
X-rated adult films, porno chic has almost 
lost its theatrical setting. Nationwide, the 
number of movichouses booking hard-core 
has shrunk drastically, for the most part 
because of competition from home video 
The multipronged auack that killed the 
golden goose is variously attributed to 
AIDS, Meese-commission militants and 
an influx of amateur entrepreneurs. In an 
early-summer headline, Screw magazine 
posed the question “Is HARDCORE PORN 


“What a fabulous plaid, Andr 
it up in town? 


! Dud you pick 


167 


PLAYBOY 


168 


nooMED/ The answer was a qualified no, 
though managing editor Manny Neuhaus 
pointed out that its fans have turned to tape 
or cable TV. “In terms of film, we sort of 
wrote off the whole industry as nothing 
we'd pay serious attention to. Even with 
cassettes, it's all packaging. They're selling 
boxes, not contents. There are more tran- 
sients and less talent in the business than 
ever. 

Jim Mitchell of San Francisco's Mitchell 
Brothers, pioneers in hard-core, is just as 
vehemently negative: “Anyone can make a 


porn movie today; 50,000 are being made 


every weekend by guys with Betamaxes.’ 
In their own O'Farrell theater, once a sl 
flick palace par excellence, the Mitchells 
are primarily runi sex shows 
“Although we pl 7” says Jim, 
“we never even made a regular release 
print of Behind the Green Door: The Sequel. 
There was no point. The market's a half 
inch deep. People look at sex films now the 
way they look ata ball game: There may be 
160 games a season, and the customers 
don't choose between a good ball game and 
a bad one. They just want to watch ‘em 
play. 

Inquirics everywhere produce essen- 
tially the same downbeat theme with 
minor variations. Arrow Films’ Deep 
Throat II is a spirited, screw-loose sequel 
in which the character originally played 
by Linda Lovelace returns from the dead 
to possess the mind and tongue of her 
daughter, Laura Liplock (Krista Lane), 
wife of an antiporn crusader. Throat II has 
been touted as one of 1987's major suc- 
cesses—for home viewing only. “We never 
released it theatrically, despite lots of 
requests,” says an Arrow publicist, “but we 


may release it later, probably in an R-rated 
version. For hard-core in theaters, the dol- 
Tars just aren't there anymore.” 

Even the infamous “Dark Brothers,” 
who made hard-core about as hard as it 
gets, have given up and gone into making 
non-X movies under their real names, Wal- 
ter Gernert and Gregg Brown. Producer- 
director Chuck Vincent made the 
transition from pure sex to sexploitation to 
suspensc. His latest is Deranged, a straight 
hallucinatory shocker featuring three Or- 
mer porn regulars: Jane Hamilton (a.k.a. 
Veronica Hart), Jamie Gillis and Jerry But- 
ler, billed here as Paul Siederman. Butler 
has joined a growing roster of performers 
who are giving hard-core the cold shoulder 
because of AIDS. A ten-year veteran with 
more than 300 films and videos under his 
belt, so to speak, Butler tells interviewers 
he'd rather be safe than sorry but adds, “I 
have yet to hear of an on-camera person 
who died of AIDS, at least on the heterosex- 
ual side of the business.” Producers report, 
however, that more and more performers 
are demanding that condoms be used 
That's a start,” says one, "but I don't 
think the public is accepting it very well.” 

L.A. producer Richard Mailer, with an 
adult-video feature titled The Huntress, is 
making positive moves to counter such 
resistance. Like last year’s breakthrough 
Green Door from the Mitchells, Miller's 
cassette not only endorses sale sex but 
flaunts it. The slick packaging includes 
complimentary condoms in primary colors, 
presumably for the use of aroused viewers 
caught unprepared. 

What people may prefer to hear about 
are upbeat movies such as Miami Spice, 


“So when you get into scoring position, reach for 


the condom the pros use. . . . 


which will be shown theatrically before its 
release on cassette. This confident spin-off 
of guess what is recycled for girl watchers 
who'd rather see what Amber Lynn and 
Sheri St. Clair take offthan what Don John- 
son puts on. The same distributors expect 
to reap big profits with a video titled Traci, 
I Love You, starring Traci Lords. The sub- 
ject of the sex industry's most damaging 
scandal a year or so ago, Traci is now 
officially 19 and is renouncing the Н 
that made her a top porn queen when she 
wasn't yet old enough to see an R-rated pic- 
turc on her own. She's back in business on 
a different tack, launching a workout tape 
called Warmup to Traci. 

Mainstream moviegoers can hope, at 
least, for more joy of sex in the months 
ahead. The British are still pushing the 
envelope, with a comedy due very soon 
from Stephen (Prick Up Your Ears) Frears 
called Sammy and Rosie Get Laid. Promis- 
ing title, and advance word indicates that 
the promise is kept. Aria, a hugely ambi- 
English production, gives carte 
blanche to directors Robert Altman, Jcan- 
Luc Godard, Ken Russell, Bruce Beresford 
and at least half a dozen more to let their 
imaginations soar while shooting a favorite 
operatic selection—which turns out to 
mean, for example, Tristan and Isolde гесу- 
cled as a young couple's erotic idy! in Las 
Vegas. 

Looking to our own shores, wi 
Bruce Willis in Sunset, as a Tom Mi 
acter messing around in Hollywood way 
back when; Cher on deck in Moonstruck, as 
a New York Italian gel who goes passion- 
ately overboard for her dull husband's 
youngish brother; Kathleen Turner in Julia 
and [ulia, having wet dreams about Stin; 
Rebecca De Mornay in Roger Vadim 
reworked And God Created Woman, a succès 
de scandale that 30 years ago launched 
Brigitte Bardot. This new Woman is said to 
retain litte or no body English translated 
from the French. A hotter prospect is prob- 
ably the imminent sequel to Angie Dickin- 
son's pistol-packin’ 1974 sizzler Big Bad 
Mama, with Angie playing Mama to Febru- 
ary 1986 Playmate Julie McCullough. 
Whatever will be, we'll see. But chances 
are we'll be secing the uncut, full-throtle 
versions of current films only when we buy 
or rent them on tape. Angel Heart uncen- 
sored is already on sale. Ditto Working 
Girls, a fictionalized docudrama about a 
da the life of three prostitutes in a busi 
nesslike Manhattan brothel chat won both 
critical and audience acclaim. The list gocs 
Certainly sex sells. But in future, the 
sexiest movies may be like flirtatious, 
frizzed-up Noozies—no matter how they 
advertise their wares, you won't really 
know what you're getting until you take 
them home. 

y 


s 


tious 


Il see 
char- 


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PLAYBOY 


170 


¿GLIMIMER > cconinued from page 103) 


“Joel had shouted that he would never, but never, 


stand for a divorce. Period. 


half his hard-camed empire in a court- 
room—had shouted that he would never, 
but never, stand for a divorce. Period. 
Then he had invited her on this trip. May- 
be he had something else in mind, she 
though 

“Look.” Joel finally broke th 
“Lightning bugs.” 
flies.” 
“Yeah. 1 lovi 


silence. 


ightning bugs. You're the 
what makes them light 


ical reaction,” said Rosa. 
Bioluminescence. And they're not bugs. 
The only insects that are true bugs belong 
to the order Hemiptera. Fireflies belong to 
the order Coleoptera 
* Joel stared into the dai 
he said, pointing. “Look 
shining underneath that bush. I 
don't believe how bright it is.” 


"The wingless females. Glowworms, 
people call them.” 
Look how many the said Joel. 


“My God, Гус never seen so many.” 
“You couldn't even describe this to any- 
body," she said. 
“They wouldn't understand how gor- 
geous it he continued. erybody's 
seen fireflies, but not many people have 
seen them like this.” 
She stood up, went to her pack and took 


ош a spray can labeled INSECT REPELLENT- 
“It’s getting late, the humidity's gone up 
and the mosquitoes will be murder,” she 
said gently. 

“Hey, Rosa, look over there. 

walked farther out into the woods. 
looked where he was point 
7 she asked. 
“Гуе never seen so many lightning bugs 
y life. It looks like there's a shoppi 
center glowing behind those trees." He 
walked into the blackness far away from 
the campfire. 

If you're going out there, better spray 
yourself some more. The mosquitoes are 
fierce,” Rosa yelled after him 

He walked back to her and took the can 
she offered. He sprayed all his exposed 
skin, then tossed the repellent back to her, 
She raised a hand to catch it but missed 

“Aw, come on. Leave the fire for now. 
Lets enjoy the night together. The 
weather is perfect and I’m feeling good,” 
Joel said. 

Rosa followed her husband a few yards 
farther into the forest, then stopped. Joel 
moved ahead of hi he fireflies flashed 
and flicke ound him, surrounding. 
him. He was literally swarmed by thou- 


“There are e more of them here 


“On the contrary, misler, I distinctly said my dog can 
lick any man in the house!” 


or something" 


“Irs their mating season, Rosa. 
Ten or 20 yards deeper into the woods, 
the fireflies were Mashing brighter and 
faster. The insects were so luminous they 
looked like a bon My God," Joel 
murmured. He moved slowly toward i 
tiny lights. “At home, we've got li 
bugs, but Гуе never, never seen апу 
like this. It's scary. 


bright 
into a fierce, green 
“Tm having a 


ice cup of tea here by the 
fire,” she called to him, though she wasn’t. 


“I may even save you som 
a mosquito and killed it. 
Joel's figure was black a 
ing greenish light of the fireflies. She heard 
him laugh, then choke. He spat and 
gagged. Rosa imagined what it must feel 
like to have a large insect wriggling in your 
mouth. She shuddered in revulsion. 
Fireflies brushed Joel's face, formed a 
halo around him. His hands waved as he 
tried frantically to fling them away, Rosa 
saw him fall onto his knees. “Rosa!” he 
cried weakly. She stood up to watch him. 
Joel was knecling on the ground, his 
arms wrapped tightly around his head. He 
seemed to Rosa to be clothed in a thick, 
persistent cloud of throbbing yellow- 
green. The fireflies covered his face and 
neck entirely, and his arms and hands, A 
s of insects sprawled over his chest. 
She heard Joel whimper. then retch as he 
tried to clear his throat. He was choked, 
smothered. He rolled to the ground and 
thrashed from side to side, slapping his 
face with his hands and making quecr, 
pathetic sounds. Rosa saw him crack his 
head painfully on the trunk of a trec. 
“Joel,” she called, and moved toward 
him cautiously. "Jod!" It was the 
strangest sight she had ever seen. Thou- 
sands of insects crawled in а glowi 
undulating blanket over Joel's contorted 
body. Rosa stared, horrified but fasc 
ed. In a few moments, he 
able in the midst of a vast greenish aur 
Rosa realized that her muscles were 
cramped and stiff’ from tensi 
exposed sk ravaged by n 
bites. She turned to go back 
took out of her p: 
lent—the one with the gi 
sprayed herself thoroughly. Using a pl 
glove, she picked up the other can of repel- 
lent—the one with the black lid—from the 
ground where she had let it fall when Joel 
had tossed it to her. She dropped this can, 
filled with firefly sex pheromones, into a 
plastic bag. She unpeeled the glove, put 
that in the bag, too, and sealed the bag 
with a twist tic. She'd dispose of it later. 
She left all the camping gear behind, 
any terrified and griel-stricken wile 
would. 


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ntil | saw 
The Diamond Falcon Ring. 
Its a statement about fashion 
and taste that's important 
to me. 
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A powerful falcon 
minted in its center. 

With a brilliant full-cut diamond. 
The price, $975. 
Available exclusively from 
The Franklin Mint.” 


The Diamond Falcon Ring) Wearit. 


Please mail by December 31, 1987 


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Please enter my order for The Diamond Falcon Ring by Alfred 
Durante, to be crafted in solid 14 karat gold set with a brilliant full- 
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I need send no money now. | will be billed for the total price in 
ten equal monthly installments of $97.50" the first payable in ad- 


vance of shipment. "Plus my state sales tax 


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PLAYBOY 


172 


MEAT AND MONEY conic from paze 104) 


““[Agents] will buy clothes for somebody to get him to 
sign. Lease him a car. Throw hookers at him." 


“Uh, no.” 

"Good. Here's the elevator, right here.” 

‘The agents are here either to find clients 
or to protect investments: that is, to make 
sure that some other agent isn’t finding his 
clients in their stables. Every agent in In- 


dianapolis says that he 
protect his investment. 

A sports agent may be a lawyer or 
countant or someone who has experience 
in show business. Or he may be a former 
player. He may be anything. One of the 
most successful ever was a dentist before 
he found his new calling. In theory, an 
agent helps a player negotiate his contract, 
invest and manage his money and find 
outside sources of income, such as en- 
dorsements. In return, he takes a percent- 
age. Good agents get rich and do not have 
to come to Indianapolis lor the meat mar- 
ket. The rest of them are here, and if they 
are good at anything, it is waiting around 
hotel lobbies as if there is nothing in the 
world they'd rather do than flatter the 


here merely to 


ar-old kid who 


stuffing out of some 21-y 


ral managers in town, 
hotel, calls the agents 


ng at anothe 
who cluster around the elevators at the 
Holiday Inn vultures. 


“Would you want to be represented by a 
guy who'd do that?” he asks. 

But, in a way, he goes on, that scene ac- 
tually works to his advantage. “Every 
year, you'll get guys who sign contracts 
with three or four agents. When one of 
those agents comes to you to talk contract, 
he is usually in a hur ke the first 
thing you throw a 


Some agents, of course, aren't above 
offering, well, call them inducements vo the 
players, hoping to influence them to sign 
At least, if other agents are to be believed. 
Guys come around here with every- 
gent, who makes it 
clear that he is here simply to protect his 
investment. “Money, obviously. Some of 
these kids have never seen any real money 


“Because watching your panties 
whirl around is much more interesting than watching my sweal socks 
whirl around.” 


before. They still think a $100 bill is mon- 
ey. Dude says, ‘How about $10,000, just 
to take care of things until we get you 
signed? and that guy's eyes just pop 

Guys will buy clothes for somebody to 


па car. Throw a 
couple of hookers at him. Lay a sacklul of 
coke on him 

“р n all the ti 

Drugs. It is the topic of 
tions in the lobby of the Holiday 
doubt the coaches and scouts and G.M.s 
scattered around town in other hotels are 
talking about the problem, tov. Last year, 
when the camp was held in New Orle: 
more than 50 of the players invited tested 
positive for either cocaine or marijuana. 
The names were not released to the pub- 
lic; but it was widely reported that some of 
those who tested positive were such good 
ballplayers that teams were willing to 
draft them in the early rounds anyway 
"That's the rumor, at any rate; and among 
the agents at Indianapolis, rumor is king. 

We had a guy last year,” one of them 
says in a confidential tone, “and he was 
sure high second round. Maybe a first, de- 
pending on need, you know. He goes in to 
pee and, man, he burns a hole in the cup. 
Guy had probably been packing his nose 
on the airplane out 

“So on draft day, he goes in the 12th 
round. Only costs himself $1,000,000 or 
so. 

“He make the team?" one of the agents 
listening to the story asks. 
But he got a knee m camp. Spent 
the season on injured reserve and got fat 
Guy is history. 

“And the thing is, they all Anew. People 
told them they were gomg to be tested. 
They knew a long time before they ever got 


does,” 


to camp. They sure did.” 
Some people, especially those who work 
for National Football Scouting, think tl 


things will be diflerent this year, after 
the press about the results of last year's 
tests, the deaths of basketball player Len 
Bias and Cleveland Browns player Don 
Rogers and the general antidrug clima 
prevails in the country 
not be as many,” says one 
ms, “but 1 promise you, there 
will be some. With some of th dudes, 
tell ‘em any damned thing, 
It turns out that of the 330 players at- 
tending the camp, with perhaps their en- 
tire careers in jeopardy, only one player 
tests positive for cocaine, six for marijua- 
na. Several also test positive for steroids, 
but this comes as no surprise to anyone. 
"The one player who tests positive for co- 
caine, well, either he is so good that he can 
get away with it and knows it, or maybe he 
is just tired of football. 
The drug test is part 
ical that is given to every player who 
comes to Indianapolis. As soon as the men 
from Pitisburgh have run the gandet of 
agents and organizers, they are hustled on- 
to a bus that takes them across town to a 
hospital, where—in addition to the urine 


complete phys- 


test for drugs 
body X ray 
other test 


cach man is given a full 
an EK.G. and a battery of 
Each team 
in the N.F.L. has brought its consulting 


and examinations. 


physicians to Indianapolis to inspect the 
the 


meat. A rough census indicates tha 
ists of 


average medical detachment com: 


three doctors. Indianapolis is the place to 
ave an orthopedic 


be this weck if you 


complaint. 

After the physical, dhe players return to 
the Holiday Inn and the agents stand sen- 
try at the elevators while the players sit 
down to take a written test 

“You believe this?” says one West Coast 
quarterback who thought the E.K.G. was 
a litle much. You get the fecling, listening 
to the bitching, that these men don't like to 
take tesis. They go 
to college, after all 

The test is no 
great brain bender. 
To answer the first 
question correctly, 
you must know the 
difference between a 
parasol and a para- 
site. If you dont 
know but have a 
good time in the 40, 
then you will proba- 
bly be all right 
Whoever drafts you 
can hire a tutor to 
teach you the 
difference between 
an umbrella and an 
agent 

Once the players 
have completed all 
the written and 
physical examina- 
tions, it is time for 
supper. The hotel 
stall has prepared 
120 chicken dinners, 
which is the number 
the scouting com- 
bine ordered. These 
dinners are served 
to 100 players who 
crowd into the din- 
ing room—exactly 
the number the 
combine expected 

“Only way 1 could make sure everyone 
got enough to cat,” says the man in charge 
of logistics. 


. 

While the players are making chicken 
bones out of chicken dinners in the bright, 
sterile dining room of the Holiday Inn, an- 
other gathering is getting under way at the 
Hoosier Dome, a couple of blocks a 
No players are invited to this party. 
Coaches, С.М.5, scouts, owners and team 
physicians are 

Indianapolis is a town sufficiently en- 
thusiastic about football to take even а 
team owned by Robert say in order to 
have its very own franchise. The Colts— 
Irsay’s woebegone team—lose their home 


games in the stadium that Indianapolis 
built to entice them out of Baltimore. The 
Hoosier Dome looks like an old, infected 
blister from the outside. Inside, it is more 
like a military bunker—all lifeless gra 
concrete. A party in the Hoosier Dome is 
like a party in a crypt 
But the VIPs of Indi. 
even on a cold, rainy night in late January 
They cat the usual liver-and-bacon balls 
that are held together with toothpicks and 
the mushroom caps that are stuffed with 
cream cheese. They drink from plastic 
glasses that make whiskey taste like tur- 
pentinc, and they lock nervously around 
the room to sce if anyone famous—maybe 
Mike Ditha—has arrived. 
The party room is domi 


y 


заро are here, 


ed by a six- 


foot ice sculpture of a football helmet. The 
help wear football jerseys. 

For some reason, the coaches and G.M.s 
seem to be ducking this party. In the first 
hour, the only recognizable N.F.L. figure 
in attendance is Don Shula, He look 
beefy and slightly bored, like a candidate 
who is behind in the polls and is going 
through the motions merely to pay off his 
campaign debt 

But the boosters who put on this party 
are not about to let Shula's mood deter 
them. His hand is shaken and his back is 
slapped at least once a minute, and he is 
addressed as Don by people who have nev- 
er met him before or been under the same 
roof with him until this evening. The smile 


carved into Shula’s jaw is colder than the 
six-foot helmet. 
After ten or 15 minutes of it, Shula 
breaks away and heads for an open bar. 
‘Two men watch him closely, as though he 
may be about to give something away 
White wine, please,” Shula says to the 
bartender, a large black woman wearing a 
Rams jersey 
You sce that?" one man whispers to the 
other. “Don Shula drinks white wine.” 
“Well, ГИ be damned,” his partner 
says. 


. 

Mcanwhile, back at the Holiday Inn, 
Shula's son Mike is having his own trou- 
ble. While he is arguably the most photo- 
genic and intelligent prospect attending 
this camp, he is also 
the least likely to be 


drafted. 
Even Ray 
Perkins, who re- 


cruited him 10 Ala- 
bama and coached 
him there for four 
years, thinks (hat 
Shula is a long shot 
Perkins is here in 
his new capacity as 
head coach and 
ҮР. in charge of 
football operations 
for the Tampa Bay 
Buccaneers, a fran- 
chise that may be 
more inept than 
even Irsays Colts, 
Perkins” contract is 
the subject of con- 
siderable discussion 
at this camp. Rumor 


(our old friend) 
has him making 
$750,000 a year, 


with some ofit going 
toward part owner- 
ship of the team. 
This contract has 
raised the stakes for 
prospective head 
coaches everywhere 
A man who buys 
right in the meat 
market can make 


himself a millionaire. 

Perkins has the first pick in the first 
round of this year’s draft. The assumption 
is that he will take Vinny ‘Testaverde. [He 
did.] Of Mike Shula’s chances, he says, 
“He probably won't be drafted. IF he 
makes any team, it will be as a free agent.” 

One of the men who organized the Indi- 
anapolis camp says that Shula wouldn't 
have been invited to work out if his last 
name were different. “It's like politics. You 
do favors even before you're asked. If the 
guy has to ask, then you're not doing him 
any favors 

In any case, Mike Shula is here to work 
out for the scouts; and while his father is 
sipping white wine with the kind of people 


173 


PLAYBOY 


174 


who lease sky boxes in the Hoosier Dome, 
Mike is talking with the coat-check girl at 
the Holiday Inn. 

“I don’t get off for another hour,” 
ay 
“OK,” Shula says, “what about then?” 
Well, she says, it's like, she has this 
friend. 

“Oh,” Shula says. 

“But I could probably go out tomorrow 
night.” 

“Oh,” Shula says. 

“What about it?” the girl says. 

Well, maybe. 

Mike Shula isn’t having such a good 
camp. He is recovering from chicken pos. 
Not a gifted, natural athlete to begin with, 
he is even weaker and slower than usual. 
But he thinks he is 
“throwing the ball 
pretty well.” 

He says, “Tm just 
hoping to be drafied 
by someone so I can 
get to camp and 
show them what I 
can do.” He is not 
approached by 
agents. He won't be 
a high draft choice, 
and when it comes 
to advice about how 
to negotiate an 
N.F.L. contract, he 
can get all that he 
needs at home. 

“Those guys— 
the agents—have a 
lot better things to 
do than waste timc 
talking to me,” he 
ays. 

Shula and anoth- 
er player hang 
round until the 
girl's shift ends. She 
leaves when her ride 


she 


says, “just for this trip. Flew her out from 
Jersey—People Express.” 

Some agents—according to the ru- 
mors—throw hookers at prospects the way 
PACs throw honoraria at Senators. That 
doesn’t exactly qualify as a bribe, you see. 
It is more a demonstration of good will 
Senators need campaign funds; ballplay- 
need to get their ashes hauled 

A couple of years ago, when the scouting 
camp was held in Seattle, an agent em- 
ployed a hooker to demonstrate his good 
faith to several ballplayers. Then he tried 
to economize by stilling the hooker. She 
exited the hotel, found herself a policeman 
and started crying rape. 

In the confusion, one team’s front-olfice 
Samaritan who was trying, as they say, to 


Which brings us to Norby Walters, who 
talks both. 

Walters is the most persistent of the 
agents in Indianapolis this year. He is a 
small, thin man with vulpine features, 
white hair and dead eyes. Looking at him, 
you think of saloons, casinos, after-hours 
bars and the like. He is a nighttime guy 
who gets his exercise by walking up a flight 
of steps when the elevator is broken or by 
taking some steam and getting а rubdown. 

Walters is the agent who—to hear them 
tell it—brought all the other agents to 
town to protect their investments 

“The guy has no ethics at all,” 
them says. “None 

Walters comes to football from show 
business. He books music acts. He is a 
promoter and 
doesn't care who 
knows it. “He talks 
a lot of showbiz crap 
to these kids," an- 
other agent says 
“Tells "cm he's go- 
ing to introduce 
them to Janet Jack- 
son and like that 
Really gets to 
them.” 

Walters, who is 
ioo busy working 
the pancake shop 
and the lobby to dis- 
cuss ethics or tactics 
with some outsider, 


nc of 


says merely, “These 
guys arc just jcal- 
ous. They're lazy 


They've never seen 
a real agent before.” 

А few weeks after 
the Indianapolis 
camp. it becomes 
clear just how a real 
agent works when 
Walters starts suing 


АМАЙТЮ 
SARONNO. 


pulls up in front 5 some players for, cs- 
The two players go ^ Р Em 2 sentially, not stay- 
back to their rooms Н ing bought. Hed 
EE de Sere maretto di Dac Mud ue 
lobby, where a soli- when they weren't 
tary agent stands ^ supposed to take it, 


watch at the eleva- 


tors and another 
sleeps in one of the hotel chairs 
“Struck out,” the other pla 


Shula 


ver says to 
Tt sos 


ads wrong at a football camp. 
. 

While Shula is losing yardage with the 

coat-check girl, some of the other players 


are heading olf into the night with the 
agents, most of whom drive big cars. Big 
rented cars. A head full of blinding blonde 
hair appears in the rear seat of one of those 
cars. The head rises from shoulders that 
are draped in some kind of cqually daz- 
zling für. Lynx, maybe 

loud how the agent 
was able to come up with something like 


A visitor wonders a 


that in Indianapolis 


“Probably imported her," an agent 


56 Proof © 1987 Imported by The Peddingtofi Corporation, Fort Lee, NJ Photo: Ken Nahoum. 


assist the police with their inquiries got his 
name in the papers. Something about ob- 
structing justice. In the end, nobody w 
charged with anything. The players, as 
usual, got off without a scratch 

“You don’t buy much v 
one of the agents sitting bored in the lobby 
says. “By the time a guy comes this far, 
he's past that, Maybe when he was in high 


h a hooker,” 


school and some honey gave him some- 
thing to get him to go to college some- 
pl 


x 


"That still happens. But you'd have to 
talk more than just some hooker when a 
kid is looking at the draft. Moncy, that's 
the thing. Or if you're talking women, then 


you'd better be talking stars." 


in return for which 
they had agreed to 
ly on the first day 
no longer cligible to play in col- 
Some of them had been receiving 
money from Walters for more than a ycar 
before their eligibility expired. Walters 
id he considered those payments just a 
normal cost of doing business 

One of the players he sued was Rod 
Woodson, who had the kind of workout 
that Jeff Zimmerman had had the day be- 


become his clients, usu: 


sa 


ad, that is, that has every- 
one tal 40 and, although 
he is a defensive back, he was running pat- 


fore him—the ki 


ing, He ran 


terns and catching balls like a wide receiv- 


er. Walters, in court affidavits, claimed he 
had paid Woodson more than $21,000 


while he was still in school. Woodson 


signed as Walters’ client on January 2, 
1987, the first day he could do so legally 
and some four weeks before the Indianap- 
olis workouts. He later broke the agree- 
ment, and that was when Walters sued. 
The Walters story went off in other di- 
rections as well. One of the athletes who 
stayed with him, Paul Palmer, a dark- 
horse Heisman candidate behind Tes- 
taverde, was accused of accepting some 
money from Walters while he was still eli- 
gible. He, however, was goodhearted 
enough to remain a client and was subse- 
quently cleared of N.C.A.A. violations. 
Walters held such strong convictions in 
these matters that, according to some com- 
plaints, he threatened other agents with 
the kind of harm that had once come to 
Frank Sinatra’s enc- 
mies at the hands of 
Ole Blue Eyes? 
bodyguards. And in 
Skokic, Illinois, 
Kathe Clements, a 
sports agent whose 
firm signed two of 
the athletes Walters 
was cultivating, was 
assaulted by a man 
who walked into her 


oflice wearing a ski 
mask and stabbed 
and beat her. He 
did not rob her and 
he did not rape her. 
Law-enforcement 
agencies have been 
unable to link the 
assault with Walters 


Alter that epi- 
sode, as wel as 
many others, the 


FBI began an in- 
vestigation. Other 
threats and violent 
incidents were ш 
covered. An SM 
wide receiver pro- 
duced a tape from 
a phone-answering 
machine. On it, 
Walters’ business 
partner threatened 
to have the player's 
hands broken (and 
would have threatened his legs, no doubt, 
if he'd been a running back) if he signed 
with another agent. Jeff Atkins, another 
SMU player, was also threatened and, lat- 
er, a friend driving Atkins’ car was shot 
and killed. That murder is still an open 
case and is officially unrelated to Atkins’ 
afliation with Walters. 

Walters, then, doesn’t play around. If he 
Signs vou, he expects you to stay signed, 
and if you are a rival agent, he expects you 
nor the sanctity of his athletes’ sacred 

The man has standards. 

Of course, Walters has learned in almost 
three years as a sports agent that you can 
never be too careful. Another SMU player 
signed first with him, then with an agent 


Amaretto di Jac 


S6 proo! ©1987, Imported by The Paddin 


in Seattle and then with a third firm. A kid 
in D: -where they have plenty of peo- 
ple with experience in paying dirty money 
to football players—had agents on both 
coasts and in Chicago, too. 

So you could understand why Walters 
would be nervous about guarding the 
meat that he had cut from the herd. Once, 
in Indianapolis, a kid in the lobby of the 
Holiday Inn recognized Rod Woodson, 
who had played at Purdue, and asked him 
for his autograph. When Walters saw 
Woodson signing something, he rushed 
across the room and jerked the paper from 
his hand. 

You can't be too careful. It could have 
been another contract 

And, as it turned out, Woodson did go 


adf) 


with another agent, after taking Walters” 
seed money. According to Walters, Wood- 
son himself actually never saw much of the 
cash. Most of it went to family trips and 
car leases. 

Just the same, Walters sued him for 
$500,000. Breach of contract. Woodson 
was one cf approximately 55 players who 
signed contracts with him dated January 
2, 1987. 

Now Walters is out there in the night. 5o 
arc many of the players. God knows what 
they have found to keep them out there in 
Indianapolis. The players who have cho- 
sen to pass on the pleasures of the city are 
sitting around in their rooms on furniture 
that doesn't fit them, watching television 


kson 


For. Lbs, NJ Photo: Ken Nahoum 


and talking. Some are trying to sleep. In 
the moming, the last workouts of the week 
will be conducted. It is a final chance to 
make your case. 

Down in the lobby, a young, tired and 
slightly disillusioned agent talks with a 
ian guest at the hotel. Even though he 
gent, the man says he finds this 
whole thing a little hard to take. He got 
10 it because he'd always been a sports 
fan back in Atlanta, He’s big on the 
Hawks, he says. He expected the money 
thing, hardball negotiations and all that. 
is other thing, the under-the-table 
stuff, is hard to take. 

This conversation takes place before the 
SMU scandal breaks fully and before Wal- 
ters is written about extensively by Chris 
Mortensen of The 
Atlanta Journal-Con- 
stitution. Still, any- 
one who follows 
football, even casu- 
ally, knows how 
deep the rot is. 

“You know what 
is missing for me?” 
the discouraged 
agent says. “A little 
blame on the play- 
ers’ heads. The 
coaches and the 
agents and the col- 
lege alums are all 
getting blasted, but 
nobody ever men- 
tions the players. 
Irs like they are 
these innocent chil- 
dren and the rest of 
us are out to corrupt 
them. And I can tell 
you that's a lot of 
bullshit." 

"That so?" the 
visitor says, not es- 
pecially interested 
Think about it. 
Even when they are 
being recruited to go 
to college, these 
guys are mostly old 
enough to go to jail 
if they break the 
law. In most states, 
they are old enough for the electric chair. 
The Marines will take ‘ет and expect "em 
to do what they're told to do. 

“But when they get involved with taking 
money—or something clse—under the 
table, it’s everyone else's fault, because 
they re football playersand not responsible. 

“But just think about something for a 
minute. Do you think the people paying 
the bribes, giving away the cars, want to do 
it? How many college coaches start out a 
recruiting trip thinking, Man, I hope I can 
give away a few automobiles this time out. 
Ї just love giving cars away?” 

“I get your point,” the visitor says. 

“Players are part of it. That's all Tm 
saying. And they get away clean—for a 


175 


PLAYBOY 


176 


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while, anyway 

“What happens later?” 

“Well, you can look around you, in this 
lobby, tomorrow morning. Bob Hayes is 
here, calling himself an agent. World's 
Fastest Human, remember? Caught passes 
from Don Meredith when they were on the 
Cowboys together. He did time for drugs. 
Just last week, the 1978 first pick for Dal- 
las, a guy named Larry Bethea, got con- 
victed of stealing his mother's life savings. 
[He committed suicide last April. 

“Vinny Testaverde came in today, right? 
And he was all anybody could talk about. 
Everybody in the lobby was looking at him 
like he was a moyic star, winner of the 
Heisman ‘Trophy. Well, an old Heisman 
winner got sent to jail yesterday. Johnny 
Rogers pointed a gun at the guy who came 
to disconnect his cable TV. 

“Warren McVea is going back to pri 
for sure "cause he can't handle cocaine. 
Mercury Morris is out now, going around 
telling Kids how it was he got put away for 
dealing coke. 

“A lot of the problem is that these guys 
got away with what they knew was wrong 
for so long that they just figured they'd 
never get nailed. You know, they're foot- 
ball players and the rules are different.” 

“I see what you mean," the visitor says 
bleakly. 

“Right now, everyone wants a piece of 
these guys. They can’t do wrong. But it 
won't be that way forever. Somebody has 
to tell them that.” 

Hard to know whom they would listen 
to, the ci ays, or what he could say 
to get their attention. 

“That's what I mean,” the agent says. 
“I believe it will get worse before it gets 
better. If it ever does get better.” 

One has to keep in mind the fact that 
most American forms of corrupticn are 
glecfully voluntary. If players are being 
corrupted, they have a willing and eager 
hand in the process. There is no coercion 
(aside from the excesses of Norby Wal- 
ters). Football is probably as corrupt as 
Wall Street and is still more fun to watch, 

. 

Armed with this cheerful perspective 
and a good night's sleep, the visitor de- 
cides to break the rules and sncak into the 
Hoosier Dome to watch the workouts. 

So he disguises himself. This involves 
wearing a name tag that belongs to Bo 
Shembechler, which came into the visi- 
tor's hands through a third party. The vis- 
йоге mouth is dry and his palms are wet 
as he steps up to the entrance, wl 
guarded by a sweet gray-haired wom: 
a Wackenhut uniform, 

Maybe | should have been Earl Bruce, 
he thinks. 

But this is Indiana, and almost certainly 
the only coach this woman rec 
ht is Bobby Knight. Once 
visitor slips his name tag into hi 


pocket 
and wies to look like a young front-office 
guy for a team in transition—the Chiefs, 
maybe, At the сойес table, nobody gives 


him a second look. 

All around him, legends of the game are 
taking their coffee from Styrofoam cups 
and nibbling on gooey pastries. Chuck 
Noll, wearing a black sweater and looking 
grim, is here. So are Marion Campbell 
and Forrest Gregg. You can see the faces of 
some former head coaches who have now 
been reduced to obscurity as assist 
Abe Gibron, who must weigh more than 
Jeff Zimmerman and was a head coach of 
the Bears before the days of Walter Payton 
and Jim McMahon. Dick Nolan is here, 
too. As thin and impeccable as Gibron is 
fat and disheveled, Nolan was coach of the 
49ers when they almost went to a Super 
Bowl before Joc Montana and Bill Walsh. 

Walsh is here, looking professorial, And 
Al Davis, looking like a guy who owns a 
trucking business: black windbreaker, con- 
spicuous jewelry. Ron Meyer is here. He 
was head coach at SMU back when the 
trouble started. Then he went to the pros 
and coached the Patriots before they went 
to the Super Bowl. Now it is his wretched 
duty to suffer as head coach of the Indi- 
anapolis Colts. 

Meyer is talking about how hard it is to 
sell a house in Dallas after what oil prices 
have done to the economy down there. 

Gradually, things get under way. In one 
room under the stadium, the players com- 
ing through this morning arc stripped to 
their shorts and first measured, then 
weighed. A couple of dozen scouts and as- 
sistant coaches (no head coaches) sit in the 
room and write down the figures as they 
are called off. 

“Six-zero, three-zero.”” 

“Two-three-four.”” 

The players look blankly out at the 
crowd. Once a man has been weighed and 
measured, he is directed to another room, 
where his picture is taken, then across the 
hall to where his hand span is measured. 

Next there is the bar. Everyone docs as 
many bench presses as he с 
pounds for backs and ends. Т 
five for linemen. Before the players lift, а 
trainer uses calipers to measure their fat. 

When a player is on the bench, strug- 
gling to squeeze out that last rep, the men 
waiting in line will shout encouragement. 

“Come on, babe. Go. Get it, get it” 

Otherwise, it is entirely quiet in the 
Hoosier Dome. 

After the weights, it is out to the field, 
where players’ vertical leap is measured 
and they are timed in the 40. There are 
throwing drills for quarterbacks. Receivers 
run patterns and catch balls. Linebackers 
run agility drills. 

Everyone is watched and timed. Cross 
pens are constantly scratching figures into 
little black loose-leaf notebooks. Stop- 
watch buttons click like crickets on a sum- 
mer night. Everyone below the rank of 
head coach has a stop watch slung around 
his neck. 

To an impostor passing himself off as Во 
Shembechler, it is all a major bore, But the 
coaches and scouts—the people who are 


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PLAYBOY 


178 


supposed to be here—seem to be having a 
fine time. They alternately watch the pro- 
ceedings and make small talk along 
the side lines. Even on this, the last day of 
the camp, they are simultaneously re- 
laxed and attentive, the way a man can be 
when he is doing work he enjoys. 

When Bill Parcells comes into the 
Hoosier Dome, he is late and he walks past 
half a dozen other head coaches, cach of 
whom congratulates him on his Super 
Bowl season. 

"That's the reward for having a good eye, 
for being able to spot talent on the hoof. 
Parcells takes his time. When he does 
watch a player work out, it is with unemo- 
tional poker-player eyes. 

Parcells, Bill Walsh, Al Davis and Ray 
Perkins spend their time on the Astroturf 
carpet, walking the side lines, talking with 
onc another, occasionally watching the 
players do their drills. 

The impostor leaves. No one has em- 
braced him and asked why the hell he 
n't win a bowl game. He flies back to 
Pittsburgh with some of the same players 
who flew out to the camp and, also, with 
Parcells, who is stopped оп both sides of 
the metal detector and asked for an auto- 
graph. That comes with having done well 
at earlier auctions. You get asked for your 
autograph, you get a new contract (the At 
lanta Falcons tried to get Parcells away 
from New York, according to our good- 
buddy rumor) and you don't have to walk 
around with a stop watch hanging from 


your neck. Other guys, who think they 
know as much as you but have never 
proved it, wear the stop watch. 

. 

The results of this meat market will be a 
while coming in. There will be some big 
winners and some big losers. Some coach- 
es will gct fired. Football will end for some 
of the players. (When one receiver ran a 
five-flat 40, three scouts sitting in front of 
the visitor drew a line through his name 
with their Cross pens.) Mike Shula will be 
drafted in the 12th round by Ray Perkins, 
who said in Indianapolis that he didn't 
think Shula would be drafted at all. Jeff 
Zimmerman didn't go until the third 
round. The word was that he could be so 
much better if he got down to 320 or so. 
Rod Woodson went to Pittsburgh and 
Chuck Noll was so pleased he could hardly 
stand it—until Woodson started making 
noises about running track instead of play- 
ing football unless he got the money he 
wanted. Woodson has a way of using mon- 
ey to drive grown men to despair. 

The Norby Walters scandal grew and 
cost one Ohio State player his last year of 
eligibility. Evidence went to a grand jury. 
Newspaper stories followed one after an- 
other. The buying and the selling would go 
on for a long time. 

It is an ugly scene in many ways. But 
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“Yesterday, as you may remember, 
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having just sneaked back from a rendezvous 


with Heather, who was, in reality. . . ." 


JESSICA HIN 


(continued from page 89) 
I'm not hearing thi: 

But I knew I was. I knew—I knew as 
I'm sitting here—I heard that. I also know 
that if John told me, “Jessica. Go over 
there. Get on the balcony and jump,” 1 
would have done that. This is the kind of 
place I was at with these men. As God is in 
heaven, I would have done it. I got to a 
place where he began to talk and 1 just 
gave up trying to respond. I wasn't feeling 
good and I didn’t care that I wasn't feeling 
good. It was like it didn’t matter. 

So the conversation goes on about Tam- 
my and about Jim’s marriage and how he 
needs a woman to help him. "Jessica," he 
said to me, “if I don't get this help, I feel 
like PII lose everything.” 

And John Fletcher said, “Jessica, you're 
going to be doing something tremendous 
for God.” 

John got up and said, “PI be right 
back.” He left. Jim Bakker started talking 
more and more—telling me the same 
thing. Within minutes, John comes run- 
ning back in the room with a bottle of 
Vaseline Intensive Care lotion and says, 
“Jim Bakker loves back rubs.” 

I said, “John, I don't think so.” I felt 
sick. I could barely talk. He then leaves the 
room. 

So now I'm sitting here. Jim Bakker is 
on the bed. He gets up. He's still com- 
plaining that he's not going to be able to 
go on. He doesn’t want to live. He doesn't 
want to continue. It’s so hard to continue 
in his ministry. 

He then says to me, “I’m glad you 
came.” 

I said, “I really don't feel right." And I 
kept trying to say that, but I couldu't even 
respond to what he was saying anymore. I 
couldn't even move. 

So Jim Bakker takes me . . . he gets up 
off the edge of the bed. He takes off his 
bathing suit—just undresses; he slips off 
that thing. 
SCHEER: What were you doing then? 
HAHN: I'm sitting. I said to him, “What 
are you doing?" I told him 1 had never 
been with a man. He said, *I know." 
GOLSON: He knew you were a virgin? 
HAHN: Yes. And I said, “Why don't you 
just hire somebody?" He said, *You can't 
trust everybody.” I kept pushing hi 
away. I asked him, “What makes you 
think you can trust me?” And he said, 
“Because I know about you. I know what 
your life is about. You wor 
the others. You're here to help me, y 
helping me, you're going to help a lot of 
people. 

SCHEER: This is after he has taken off his 
swimsuit? 

HAHN: Yeah, So he pulls off the bedspread, 
first thing. After he does that, he says, “I 
hate bedspreads.” Then he turns to me. 1 


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180 


had on a plum dress and it was a wrap- 
around with a sash that untied. 

GOLSON: Was it a sexy dress? 

HAHN: 1 didn’t own many dresses. That 
was my prettiest. My pastor's wife bought 
it for me and I had worn it at church. Sit- 


ting up front. 

GOLSON: Oh. 

HAHN: So he just pulls me. Just takes my 
waist and turns me to face him. And he 
backs up on the bed and pulls me and, as 
he's going back, I'm pulling away. And the 
guy pulls my sash, takes my dress off. He 
starts... he unhooks my bra. You know, 
he just undresses me. 

SCHEER: And you're just standing there? 
HAHN: Now I'm not standing there. I'm 
lying there. And by the time he gets. . . he 
had my bra, he had my dress, he had 


my slip, he starts going on and I'm 
just . .. I'm trying to take his hand and 
Um just sa . [as she speaks, pushes 


away an imaginary hand] .. . just .. 1 said 
‚ “You have to leave!” He goes, 
“акса, bj helping the shepherd, you're 
helping the shee 

So I took his hand and 1 said, 


“Jim, 1 


just can’t.” 


1 kept pushing him. And the more I 
pushed. the more it enticed him. Or what- 
ever it did. So | just said to him, “Look, 
Tm sick.” He said, “You'll be fine. Just lie 
here.” 

SCHEER: Did you say anything to him about 
the effects of the wine? 

HAHN: I said to him, “There’s something 
bad. There’s something wrong with me.” 
And he said, “It’s probably because you 
didn't eat.” And that’s all 1 said. 
GOLSON: What happened next? 

HAHN: By now, the guy is on top. He has 
managed to completely undress me. And 
he's sitting on my chest. And he's starting 
to put pillows underncath my back. He's 
really pushing himself—I mean, the guy 


fad Pag 


“All right, Stan, let's accept for the 
sake of argument your preposterous notion that 
money isn’t everything.” 


was forcing himself. He put his penis in my 
mouth and I was just starting to cry at that 
point. Because 1 couldn't believe . .. | just 
started to realize everything that was hap- 


irst of all, I couldn't breathe right. You 
know, it wasn’t. . . it wasn’t. . . it was 
just. . . . Emotionally, I couldn’ E 
erything was like. .. . 

It was the very first thing this man did. 

He has pillows under me. Hes sitting, 
like, on my neck. Em not breathing. Pm 
feeling sick, The guy is, like, letting loose 
and I'm Е OK. So Im crying 
“Tears arc comi 
SCHEER: What do you mean, hc was letting 
loose? 
HAHN: [Closing her eyes] The guy came in 
my mouth. There's tears rolling down my 
face, OK? I am limp as can be and he's 
still going on. In other words, he's not sce- 
ing me respond. 

At this point, you just don't feel апу... 
there's nothing left. 

So the guy moves down and he secs that 
I'm crying. I'm not in my right mind now. 

My neck hurts, my throat hurts, my 
head feels like it’s going to explode. But 
he's frustrated and determined, det 
mined enough that within minutes he's 
side me and he's on top and he's hol 
my arms. He has these pillows underneath 
me. So he's just into this, he's 
now—this is going on. 

I'm pushing him away 
time 1 did that, 
more. And he was talking off the wall. 
SCHEER: Saying what? 

HAHN: Saying. “When you help the shep- 
herd, you're helping the sheep." Crazy 
stuff. 

SCHEER: What stuff? 

HAHN: “You'll appreciate this later." That 
nd of stuff. He keeps holding my arms. 
So this is ge on and I start crying agai 
And then he comes inside me. There was 
no reason to hold my arms, because 1 
wasn't going anywhere. I felt like I was 
dri 
sol Did you feel pain? 

HAHN: Yes, it hurt. But he wouldn't have 
stopped if I screamed. There was pa 
there was a lot of pain. But I was worried. 
1 kept saying, “My God. I'm going to get 
pregnant.” 

You have to understand, it wasn't like I 
ever did this. I had never slept with any- 
body. So this, to me, was a typical fear of 
someone who hasn't done it before. It's 
like, when you try to sleep or something 
nd you have a thought that keeps staying 
in your mind. And when you're tired, you 
can't get rid of a thought. And this was in 
my mind. That I was going to get preg- 
nant. 

But he kept going and going. It’s not 
that he could do much. I mean, there was 
no way .. . he went limp as can be, but he 
just kept trying and it was frustrating him 
even morc. You know, he . . . he turned me 


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PLAYBOY 


over. He tried anything. He was still hav- 
ing intercourse with me, but he couldn't 
really. ... 

GOLSON: By this time, you had been there 
about half an hour? More? 

HAHN: Morc. Well, it felt like about an 
hour by then. 

SCHEER: When he later told Falwell that 
he'd spent 15 minutes with a whore and 
that he'd been impotent, do you suppose 
he was thinking of this period, when he 
g to get an erection? 

HAHN: He twice. [Concentrates 
again] But now he's getting frustrated, be- 
cause nothing's happening. 1 guess the 
challenge of taking somebody who didn’t 
want to be taken is lost. He’s done it. 

hat were you doing? 

HAHN: I cried a lot. I told him that things 
hurt me. I told him that I just didn't. .. . I 
remember tears rolling out of my eyes and 
I remember telling him, “I can't breathe.” 
I know that he was getting frustrated be- 
cause he couldn't . . . he was trying to find 
a way 
SCHEER: Was there any kindness? 
HAHN: 
SCHEI 


came 


Did he caress you in any way? 


Kiss you? 
HAHN: No. No. No. He was like, “What 
next?” It was like a book—like getting a 
book and saying, “OK, we did that, that 
and th ^ АП he told me was that he 
really liked long hair. At that time, my 
hair was a little longer. . 
Т could have lifted my arm, I would have 
pulled his hair out, I really would have. I 
feel that the man just felt he was getting 
one big free ride. He was going to get all he 
could out of it 

For me, for a . . . for somebody who was 
having a first experience, this ruined my 
feclings. After that, I felt that making love 
or having sex was just a thing that caused 
a lot of pain, even if it was pleasing for 
someone else. Because it wasn't pleasing to 
me. It puta bad light on it for a long, long 
time. Now I zc, as time goes on, that's 
just not the way Not that I'm running 
around sleeping with different people to 
find out. Um not, though that's no one's 
business, aı 

So as Bakker was going on and on, he 
began to say that he wanted to d 
He rolls me on my back and, by now, I am 
like . . . am like. . . . Well, I was on my 


Away. 


ain. 


“It is very striking, but 1 had my 
heart set on turkey.” 


1 felt like... if 


ng. so 


stomach, OK? Nothing was happe: 
n 


he rolls me on my back 
SCHEER: He was trying to enter you from 
bchind? 

HAHN: Ycah. But then he puts me back on 
my back and he's telling me that he wants 
to see me again. He says that this is 
great and he hasn't had anything like th 

I was crying and trying to tell this man 
that he destroyed my life. And he said to 
me, "Well, you'll appreciate it later." 
ter a while, he says, “1 really need to 
see you again.” I was really upset. I said, 
“What am I going to do now if m having 
a baby? What if lm pregn. 

He goes, "Look, all l'm telling you is 1 
need to see you again. I have jets. I have 
this. I have that. I can make any kind of 
arrangements. . . .”” 

GOLSON: He said, “I have jets”? 

HAHN: “I have jets. Two jets.” 

SCHEER: And where were you? 

HAHN: I was still on the bed, crying and 
thinking about having a baby and . . . and 
he said, “Look, I need a woman like you 
to be by my side. 1 can make the ar- 
rangements.” I remember him saying he 
had two Learjets and that he necded to 
have somebody who would accommodate 
him—ly in and be by his side. A woman 
who had not becn around other people. 
Somebody he could trust. 

GOLSON: He meant a woman who hadn't 
slept with other men? 

HAHN: Obviously. He’s telling me how 
much he could use a girl like me, and I'm 
not responding. Fm just lying there freez- 
ing. I'm freezing and he's on top of me 
SCHEER: He was on top of you while he was 
saying that? 

HAHN: Yeah. He's on top of me. So then he 
says, “I really would like to try this just 
опе more time,” 

By now, he’s telling me about jets and 

ѕесіп me, but I'm thinking about babies 
and thinking about my pain and thinking, 
This is Jim Bakker on top of me, telling me 
this, This is what I'm thinking: This is 
crazy. It’s insanity. 
SCHEER: And he 
time. 
HAHN: He's just unable. And I don’t know 
even what he got out of it. I don't know 
how that man came, because 1 did not 
participate. The man did what he wanted. 
But he's getting a little bit frustrated now 
And he's telling me that it doesn’t mat- 
ter—maybe he has something on his 
mind. 

So he said to me, “Listen, I could go on, 
but I'm going to have to go. My daughter 
i у Now, I'm wi 
ried the girl is probably right outside. For 
all 1 know, she's really close by. 

So he’s making all these great plans and 
ying. He rolls off me and I'm so 
e-cold. I 


ted to do it one more 


and him getting up and saying, “Well, I've 
got to get to the bodyguards. But you real- 
ly ministered to me.” 

SCHEER: “Really ministered to mc”? He 


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said that then? 
HAHN: He also said it later. 

So he got up, brushed his hair with my 
hairbrush and left, 

GOLSON: How much time had passed? 
HAHN: About an hour, an hour and a half. 
At the end, he said, “Thanks a lot.” 

›. Pm in bed. I 

SCHEER: Did he wave? Did he come back 
and kiss you goodbye? 

HAHN: No. He just ripped the blankets off. 
He knew, too. 1 was freezing. You know 
when you're freezing and you don’t wi 
to move. But he just said, “Thanks a lot.” 
GOLSON: How did you feel about that? 
HAHN: I want to tell you someth 
ever did a book, I would probably title it 
something about a flower. If the man had 
come back to my room ten minutes later 
with one lousy flower and said, “Jessica, I 
don't know what happened. Fm sorry,” I 
probably could have looked the other way. 
He probably still would have PTL. 
GOLSON: That's a lot to forgive for a flower. 
HAHN: A flower says you're there. You ex- 
ist. You're human. A flower is something 
you can sce, you can feel, you can smell. 
That's how I think of it. You don't give 
flowers to robots and machines. There's a 
lot behind a flower to me. 

GOLSON: And you would have forgiven the 
whole thing? You'd have forgiven him for 
forcing himselfon you? 

HAHN: I can forgive a lot. I really can. АП 
I can tell you is that I did not initiate it. I 
did not want him 

GOLSON: The blankets had been ripped oll 
and the guy was out the door. Did you 
hear voices? 

HAHN: No, I just heard the door shut 
GOLSON: Were you still feeling affected by 
whatever had been in the wineglass? 
HAHN: I don't know w I was. All I 
know is that I was cold. I jumped up and 
tried to get to the shower. Ё mean, I nearly 
crawled to get in the shower. 

1... it hurt. The water hurt my skin. It 
hurt me. 1 was so cold. I was in the bath- 
room. 1 got sick 
SCHEER: You threw up? 

HAHN: Yes. I brushed my teeth. E felt dirty. 
I took a shower and I put the water on re- 
ally hot. It hurt my skin, not because of 
the heat, but the water hurt my body. You 
know, if somebody touched 

So I was in the shower. | couldn't eve 
stand up. I was sick. I looked in the 
and I got scared. My eyes were red, I had 
blotches, and all over my arms and my 
Ч my chest were marks. My throat 
was real sore, Everything hurt. Every- 
thi 


neck a 


get out of the shower and I put on 
у robe. I get back in bed—in the other 


bed that was untouched—to get wai 
had my robe 
know what happ 
john had a key- 
-I don't know, 15 
gins to tell me about 
GOLSON: Slow down a 
the room. 


d with the 
John walks 
ninutes later. He be- 
„1 was so sick. 
de. He come: 


This is still the afternoon. 1t is afternoon 


lighting. 
GOLSON: What was Fletcher wearing? 
pants and sweater. Wha 
ing when he picked me up 


he 


t the 


airport. 
So he walks in. I'm under the covers and 
he acts as if nothi 


is wrong 


happy. He wants to see you, but I won't let 
him." He said, in a quiet, deep voice, “Jim 
Bakker is not going to have you, You are 
minc." 


made me even colder. Because I'm 
ng, Oh, God. He never used that ex- 
I said, “John, Pm sick. Please 
get me home.” He said, “Look, you'll be 
fine. You're hungry, You need to order 
something.” 

Vhen you first saw him, did you 


think he might be coming in to rescue 
you—to take you home? 

HAHN: My first thought is, 1 was freezing 
and John was telling me Jim was so happy. 
So, obviously, it wasn't as if John didn't 
know what happened with Jim. He saw 
the bed, he saw me, he knew 
on when he left and I had nothing but a 
robe on when he came back 

I said, “John, I'm so cold. Go some- 
where. Get me out of here.” He says, “I 
have to do the telethon. I can't do any- 
thing for you until then.” I said, “John, 
maybe I need a doctor or something. I'm 
not well." He says, “You'll be fine. You're 
just hungry or something.” 

So I said, “John, why did this happen?” 
He says, “Jessica, you can't believe... you 
just saved PTL. You saved PTL.” This is 
how they talked to me. 1 swear. This is 
how they talked. 

1 looked at 


had a dress 


like, There's got to be a 


“We're not wearing any underwear.” 


183 


PLAYBOY 


184 


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way to justify this. . . . Because I felt very 
dirty. 1 felt bad. I felt wrong. 

So I said, “John, could you just leave me 
alone—let me be.” He says, “No!” And 1 
never, never in my life saw a man’s face 
change like I saw his. It scared the hell out 
of me. His face was so demonic. It was 
horrible. 

He...he... he... first of all, he took 
the blanket off me. He tore my robe off and 
w me on the floor. And he said to 
me, “You're not gonna just give this to Jim 
You're not going to remember Jim 
er! You're going to remember me!” 

And the man starts up. At this point, I 
don't care. I just... give up. My state of 
mind was like, I can't fight these peo- 
ple. The guy took me by my shoulders. 
He's pressing down on my shoulders so 
that I thought my arms were going to 
come out of their sockets. My back is on 
the rug and the guy is just going nuts. 1 
mean, nuts. 

By now, I wasn’t crying—I'm scream- 
ing, praying, thinking, God, just let some- 
body hear. If somebi 
SCHEER: Were you s 
HAHN: I was screaming. It was agony. My 
back hurt—my shoulders. I was in pain 
everywhere. The guy is holding me down. 
GOLSON: Is he a large person? 

HAHN: Yeah. He is to me. And he's 
heavy—on top of me. My back is pressed 
against the carpet. I’m freezing and I feel 
my back burning. My shoulders feel like 
they're going to break and I'm in agony. 

‘And this guy is, like, swinging me. He’s 
taken my back—flipping my legs up in the 
air. | mean, agony. J can't expl 
can tell you is that I was in pain. The guy 
is just tossing me like I was one of those 
Raggedy Ann dolls. You know, like, legs 
are up, legs are down. He flipped my arms 
back. 

GOLSON: Was he saying anything? 

HAHN: He's yelling, “You're not going to 
forget me! You're going to forget Jim, but 
you're going to remember me!” That's all 
he kept saying. So by now, I'm crying and 
screaming because of the pain. I'm pray- 
ing that somebody will walk by. I'm look- 
ing at this man’s face and, for a split 
second, I thought, He's going to kill me. 
That's what I thought. He's gonna break 
my neck. He's gonna do something. I can't 
take this pain. His hands were so close to 
my neck. I thought, My God, what's to 
stop him? Bei he was so crazy. And 
d on and on and I just 
couldn't stand it. But E shut up because 1 
d he was gonna kill me. Then 1 


ting 
Heads ef blood. That's how much agony 
So I managed to grasp him; I just dug 
into him. But, you know, it scems he en- 
joyed—they both seemed to enjoy—re: 
nd Í just got to a place where I 
Jessica, you're going to dic il 
it up.” That's how I felt. 
Гус told this story a few 
cn ycars later, and this is probably the first. 


mes now, sev- 


time thar E could actually explain it with- 
yg down. Because I'm mon 
gry now than anything else. I'm sick and 
tired of crying about it. I'm fed up. Т don’t 
any tears left for these people 

This man just didn't want to stop. You 
want to know something? Jim Bakker 
W. So did John Fletcher I 
n pain! | hated it! It was horrible! 
itely forced themselves, But I 
thought, This can't be, They're preacher 
They wouldn't rape somebody. They’ 
The You know 
maybe it was to help. 


out breal 


s a reason 
This is how crazy my mind was at the 
time. I thought, Maybe I did help. I said. 
tod, help me. I can't think clearly. Pm 
going to lose my mind.” 

[Concentrates again] John came in me 
once, but he also came on top of me. You 
I'm saying? He had a weird 
way with sex. I didn't know much about 
sex, but he was strange. 

GOISON: In what way 
he just 
hand and put his pe 
nd, which is 


know whi 


he would take my 
in my hand and 
if that’s what 
. But squeezing my hand— 
hurt. Tt wasn't nor- 


you 
you know, everythi 
mal. 

GOISON: Hc wanted to inflict р 
himself? 

HAHN: Yeah. Exactly. 
That's exactly it. 

Thad nails. Гус always had long nails. 
And this man had w feel pain. He was 
taking my hand, squeezing my hand, and 
he’s holding another hand back. he 
came like he did and I said, “Jesus. " 
couldn't believe it. It was, like, all over 
me. It was all over me. But at that point, 
1... anybody could have walked in the 
room and | wouldn't have cared. 

So then he got up and . . . after he 
came... he was really a weird man. 
SCHEER: What did he do? 

HAHN: All kinds of stulf. Like, taking ev- 
erything and just putting it all over. ...1 
can't explain it. He was a very strange 
man. Like, he said, “I want to keep com- 
ing and coming and coming all over.” 
Like, putting it on his face and just . . . you 
had to see this man’s face. At that point, 1 
thought, Is this the way... ? 

GOLSON: “Is this the way it is for every- 
one?” 

HAHN: He was really nuts. Just put 
all over, I mean, all over. Legs . .. he 
wasn't normal. He sitting on top of 
me. He was sitting ; Pm ly- 
down and h 
and he's doing this thing almost by him- 
self. . . , He kept trying to come and he 
couldn't anymore. And it was aggrava 
him. He kept trying and he was hurting 
me, because he was so heavy. I was tired. I 
couldn't stand it. I honestly thought, This 
is how Um going to die, I thought, Next 
he's going to prevent me from saying any- 
thing... he's just gonna finish me off. 

1 probably could have handled a lot, but 
»uldn't handle him. It ў 


оп 


He wanted pain. 


n't normal, It 


just weird, and I was waiting for this 
h me. 
o, anyway, he was getting angry and he 
was trying everything. Everything he 
could. He was g him- 
self from my feet to my head—all over me. 
Bit by bit. And I was in continuous pain. 
GOLSON: What was he doing? 
HAHN: Just rubbing himself all over, trying 
to get some kind of friction wherever he 
could. And he was aggravated because 
nothing was happening. He was telling me 
Twas not going to forget him and he was 
“Oh, I came so much. Look what 
you did." He says, “L want to show you 
that Um better than anybody you'll ever 
have in your life.” 
GOLSON: Were you bleeding? 
HAHN: Yes. I was in so much pain that I 
tried to desensitize my body. 

So then John finishes and Pm lying on 
the floor, thinking, God, please. Let him 


I over me. Press 


leave. 


GOLSON: This had all taken place on the 
floor? 

HAHN: This all was on the floor—not in 
the bed. You had to see my back. 

So he gets up and goes in the bathroom 
and I climb up onto the bed, because my 
back was burning. 

And I was so yucked out. I was all... I 
felt disgusting, you know. 

I was praying that John would leave the 
room without noticing—like Bakker did— 
and just say, "Well, goodbyc." At that 
point, I would have welcomed that. So 1 
was in bed and under the covers and my 
back is still burning and I'm cold. John 
comes out. He's walking around complete- 
ly naked and he goes to the phone, picks it 
up and calls for a wake-up call at four. I 
thought, Oh, God. He’s going to sleep 
here. I was pretending I was dead or slecp- 
ing. You know, hoping he'd just go away or 
think I passed out 

So he climbs into my bed and gets under 
the covers and just gets himself situated 


“I may no longer have my old lifestyle, and 
1 may no longer have my ashram, but I still have my 
peace of mind and my Rolls-Royces.” 


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next to me so that he's lying facing my 
back, which is burning. God, my back 
burns when I talk about it now. 

And he puts his arm around me and he 
starts hurting me again. Holding me as if 
he's going to sleep. I was in so much 
agony, because my back was against his 
chest, which was hairy. | had open cuts all 
down my spine. 

So mt bed, 
my back and it’s killing me, And he’s hold- 
ing his hand on my chest and my chest is 
killing me. And I’m saying, “God, please 
just let him not touch me anymore. Just let 
him fall asleep, let something happen.” I 
was shivering and he didn't say anything. 
He was lying there and he knew my back 
was torn up. He opened the bloody sheets. 
He could see it. I's e a red tie 
on with a white shirt. 's how notice- 
able it was. 

I was saying, “God, let me die or let him 
leave. I just don't want to be touched 

n." In my heart, ves, I really wished 
he would di I wished both of 
them would get in a plane and 

I's a horrible thing to say, but that's 
how I felt. 

GOISON: You wished they would crash? 
HAHN: Yeah, they were talking about their 
Learjets. I thought, Lord, let them get in 
опе. 

So, after about an hour, he gota wake- 
up call and he's walking around with 
ng around the 
as sleeping, and aft- 
er he put his clothes on, he said, “Well, 1 
gotta go preach at this telethon.” He also 
ys, "How good was I" 

He says, “I'm going to set the TV on the 
station we're going to be on.” He looks at 
me and says, "Don't go away.” And he 
leaves. I didn't even bother to get out of 
bed. And I was really feeling - . . just cold. 
GOISON: How much time had passed? 
HAHN: He got the wake-up call at four in 
the afternoon. So he must have left, I don't 
know, fivish. And I'm just starting to real- 
ize... Pm starting to wake up morc. The 
grogginess. And [hurt physically. And 1 
was so disgusted and felt so dirty 

After a while, the telethon comes on. 
You know why I'm watching? Because 1 
know it's live TV—at least, I think 3 
they've lied to me about everything clsc— 
and this is thc only way ] know of E 
sure they're not down the hallway, м 
to get at me again 
see if they'll be safely on TV, away from 
me. And this is what I see: the big ope 
ing—they were trying to raise money— 
and John says, “Jim, we really had a great 
rest today.” And Jim says, “Yeah, we need 
more rest like that.” And John says to Jim, 
‘Jim, God really ministered to us today, 
didn’t He?” And Jim Bak ys, “Yeah. 
He really did.” And one of them, I forget 
who, says, need more rest like that.” 


chest is against 


That 


nothing on— 


room. I pr 


" 
there waiting to 


they're on Т у. Prea 
Thats 


You know, the only thing that could 
have been worse is if they both came at me 
at the same time. To me it was a miracle 
that they didn't. 1 guess 1 can count myself 

д . But after that, 1 got up 


and I tried to- 
GOLSON: Excuse me; what did they go on 
to preach about? 

HAHN: They went on to coll 
big Christian TV It 
water Beach. When Bakker does telethons, 
he does telethons. He raises millions, not a 
few hundred dollars. 

So that’s what that show was about. 
And then, after it was over, I lay in bed. I 
ordered something to cat, because | felt 
awful. Not that I could eat—I was just so 
di But I was afraid if I didn't cat, | was 
going to fall on the floor. So 1 ordered 
something and never touched it. The 
waiter sensed that something was wrong 
and asked if I nceded a doctor, but I said 
no. | was too scared and dazed. I became 
alittle more alert but not a whole lot. And 
after the show, I hear a knock on the door 
and in walks John and another guy who 


appening?” And I'm 
ng in bed with this guy in the room. Two 
beds are messed. This guy me with 
next to nothing on—under the covers. And 
John starts eating my cheeseburger and 
says he has to go. 

T said, “John, I want to talk to you 
alone.” I whispered, “John, get me out of 
here. You have to.” I was crying. I said, 
Just get me out or I'm going to li 
my own. I don't know where | am. I don't 
have any money. | don't know what to 
do." And I didn't have any money on me 
at all. So he says, “Just hang on. Hold on. 
Take it easy.” So he got me a flight out of 
there the nest day. He says, “Look, I've 
got to go get money from Jim.” You know, 
for the plane ticket 

He left, went to Jim's room, and while 

he was gone, he left this guy in the room 
with me. When he returned, I told him, 
“John, E need to talk to you. 
somewhere?” He goes, “No, 
you can go somewhere with him.” 
GOLSON: Werc you crying then? 
HAHN: Dim crying. I'm barely dressed. I 
have a sheet on me. And he s 
somewhere with him." And he 
alone with this guy. And I sai 


eon 


Jan we go 
but maybe 


ly mistaken.” That's all I said. 

And he says, “Well, John seems to t 
thai ." You know, sort of like John 
uated 
GOLSON: That it would be all right? 

HAHN: Exactly. | couldn't believe what I 
was hearing. 1 didn’t have the strength. I 
said, “God, this is too much.” 

So 1 tried то get out of bed. I stumbled 
to the floor. I was so scared. I couldn't 
walk. | was on my knees. 1 was trying to 
put things on my feet. Trying to put a robe 
around me. This guy's in the room, and 
I said, “There's no way this is going to 
happen. You have to go and get John and 


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you get a prompt answer. Be- 


bring him back here, if it’s the last thing 
you do.” He says, “Yeah. 
I mean, this guy just thought he was go- 
ing to be the third man. And my marks—I 
had to move in a way that this guy 
wouldn't sec the marks on my back. I'm 
fumbling, I'm falling on the floor and Em 
moving around so he won't see my back 
I'm trying to get my robe—my robe was 
on the floor from when John tore it off me. 
And I'm holding the sheet and it was like a 
disaster. 
And this guy is wanting to jump in bed. 
So finally, he understood—he didn't 
understand, but he ended up seeing that 1 
wasn't about to let him get at me 
GOLSON: Had he started to take h 
oll? 
HAHN: No. But he was really getting com- 
fortable sitting on the edge of the bed. And 
that's what would have happened 
lly, John came back in the room 
gave me $129. Exactly. That was for 
plane fare. He told me that he and Jim 
would be in touch—and that he was dis- 
appointed that I didn't go for a walk with 
this other guy 
GOLSON: This is nearly seven years later 
When you had a chance to think about all 
that had happened to you, why didn't you 
yell rape? Why keep quict while the head- 
lines talked about "trysts"? 
HAHN: Because even years afterward, 1 
kept thinking this had to be God's will 
maybe I really did help Bakker. I began to 
go crazy, I guess. Don't forget, these were 
two men I looked up to. They were the 
top—the ultimate to me. They could do no 
wrong 
So, if they could do no wrong, I thought 
maybe either I did wrong or I did not un- 
derstand and I really was in a position to 
help them. They wouldn't betray me; 
these are people I worshiped all my life 
So I was confused. 
SCHEER: The idea of charging them with a 
crime never entered your mind? 
HAHN: No. Not then. There is a Scrip 
that says, “Touch not Mine anointed.” 
me, that meant if 1 dared accuse a man of 
God of any wrongdoing, God would just 
curse me. And 1 was petrified, be 
thought, ‘These men are God's а! 
God chose them. And who am I to go 
against God? Who am Î to say that these 
men are wrong? D was alraid оГ being 
struck down. So I was battling with that. 
Th cripture that says, 
God's way is not our way. And I thought, 
Maybe this is God's way of doing it. Even 
though I feel this is wrong, who am I 10 
judge? 
GOLSON: Aren't there Scriptures. con- 
demning the kind of violence these men 
committed? 
HAHN: I couldn't find a Scripture for that 
I just believed that they were God's cho- 
sen—that I should be privileged to be in 
their company and in a position to help 
them, as they рш 
GOLSON: The shepherd thing really got 
you, didn't it? 
HAHN: That thing stayed with me: “When 


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190 


you help the shepherd, you are helping the 
* And they had a lot of sheep. 
what Га been trained to fear the 
"s what went deepest—hurting 
other people. 

So it wasn't just a line that 
and Bakker used. This was som 


Fletcher 
thing calculated. 

HAHN: Right. They knew that I love God 
with a passion. I didn't walk around, like 
some people do, always preaching to ev- 
erybody. lt was within, and this was what 
brought me most of my happiness. And 


have to attract people 
y love of God. It was personal, and 
"tim th it. All I could think 
of at a certain point was that they chose to 
trust me. 

SCHEER: Yet I've always heard it said that 
being born again, or a fundamentalist, 
meant that you developed a personal rel 
tionship with God. And, as a result, if a 


minister was corrupt or betrayed you, you 
could criticize him. 

HAHN: I was 21 years old. I wasn't think- 
i al. 

SCHEER: Isn't that a flip answer? 

HAHN: All right. You are supposed to be on 
your own and make decisions. But, as 1 
told you, I always wanted to look up to 
somebody who would direct me and guide 
me. 1 like guidance. And I chose these 
people. Whatever they said went. I mean, 
God couldn't come down and say, “Jessi- 
са, І want you to do this, tl ind this." So 
I depended on them to tell me. 

GOLSON: The media, ourselves included, 


have had a field day with this, calling it a 
узр? y 
HAHI 


n “adultery 
cah. You know, il I real- 
ly wanted to cause problems, I could have. 
But I never said it was a crime and I never 
called it rape, because 1 didn’t want to go 
through it again. I don't want to have to 
see these people, I don’t want to have 
to live with this. 


“Smoking or nonsmoking?” 


[Suddenly, angrily] Y know what hap- 
pens, how it gets used. Jerry Falwell is up 
there talking about PTL's financial prob- 
lems. Let Jerry Falwell's wife lic on the 
floor and see if he is worried about the 
financial problems. Let's see if he holds a 
press conference every five minutes! Those 
men knew what they did to me. They knew 
they tore me open and violated me. They 
knew I was sick and did nothing about it. 
They knew I was bleeding and did nothing 
about it. Did nothing! 


They just laughed about it. They 
bragged about it on television. They did 
things that people are in jail 15 and 


years Гога! least! And they walk away 
without any scars, without facing the 
public. Because the public always looks 
down on a woman. 

As far as I'm concerned, there was a 
crime. But to legally prove it? 1 don't know 
if E have the strength. I am not the same 
person. I have learned a lot; I have come 
through a lot. Pm angry. 

You know, I can forgive a lot. I have 
gone through everything alone. I have 
helped myself—to a point. And if I was 
not angry, it would not be normal. I have 
tried all over again to appreciate people 
and beauty and everything else, because 
everything disgusted me. And it took years 
of trying to rebuild what [ think of my 
body and myself. 

There are people who want to protect 
Jim Bakker and his empire. But they don't. 
want to know what it was like for me. I'm 
telling you, 1 would have walked to the 
balcony and jumped off if one more man 
had touched me that day. 

For seven years, the church—think 
about it, the church—has told me, “ Jessi- 
ca, you just shut up and do your thing and 
God will bless I've been told that a 
trillion times. “Just be quiet, Jessica. God 
will bless you for it." I don't need to be pa- 
tronized. Гус been hurt. If I told them, 
“Just shut up—my problems are mo 
portant. God will bless you," they'd 
hell. 

I'm supposed to be quiet and I'm tired 
of being quiet. And it’s the last time I'm 
ever going to be quiet, because I'm fed up! 
Those preachers used me, and they have 
not stopped. I was raped—P'll say it— 
and for seven years, I have been abused. 
SCHEER: You're not just talking about the 
men in the hotel room. 

HAHN: That's right. It's Jim Bakker and 
Jobn Fletcher, but it's also Jerry Falwell 
and [TV evangelist] John Ankerberg. 1 
think they are—pigs! 

SCHEER: Why? 

HAHN: Because all of them have violated 
somebody and are proud of it and act as if 
they belong to a billionaire boys’ club. 
Laws unto themselves! 

You know, Jim Bakker and Tammy 
walked around and waved. They were big- 


ger celebrities than ever. It wa: they 
great 
is not a тап. He hasn't 


grown up. He is in another world, If 


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that man walked around Manhattan, he 
wouldn't make it half a block. 

Bakker had the potential to be some- 
thing good and great and he screwed it up. 
Jim Bakker and John Fletcher, both of 
them thought they were so good that no 
one would dare come against them. No 
one would dare talk out, because it was 
Jim Bakker, the head of The PTL Club, 
who has billions of dollars, and everyone 
who wants something goes to Jim Bakker. 
Their own television show, they go to Jim 
Bakker. Get on the satellite, they go to Jim 
Bakker. 

And Jim Bakker thought he was above 

it. That he could get a woman and ju: 
take her and do as he pleased and walk 
away and just say, “Well, you know, take it 
easy. You'll appreciate this later.” The 
man is so full of it! He is the worst human 
being; he is no gentleman. His wife stands 
by him and he doesn't have the guts to 
come out and talk on his own without his 
wife—who was not even there in the room, 
who knows nothing about what happened 
And she says, “Oh, Jim didn’t do that. It 
was just 15 minutes.” She does not know 
what happened. / know. I was there. I 
ed it. And I am still living it. 
I think Jim Bakker did what he did be- 
cause he thought he was above it, he 
thought T would shut up. He thought that 
nobody would find out; that everybody 
would protect him 

Now Bakker's bodygu 


bout him; 


rds are talking 
best friends are talkin 


about him. Everybody who was ever close 
to him is talking about him. Everyone is 
s 


ling him a homosexual and who knows 
what else. These are the people he thought 
would never cross him because he is | 
Bakker. He pays the salaries. He thought 
that he was an emperor who could do no 
wrong, 

GOLSON: Why do other people put up with 
that? 

HAHN: How it happens is that you listen 
to these people and. slowly but surely, 
they get you. They grab. Look what the 
Bakkers did when they went on [Ted] 
Koppel’s show [ABC-TV's Nighiline]. 
Here isa man | like, who should have been 
able to handle them. He even started out 
ghting. But by the end of the show, they 
were downright cute. Didn't anyone else 
notice? They were allowed to say in their 
chipmunk voices, “Jesus loves you, he re- 
ally docs." 


Ted, who's probably the 
toughest there is, just gave them the show. 
GOLSON: Why do you think that hap- 
pened? 

HAHN: Because they're professionals. I 
should know. 1 used to watch Jim Bakker 
every morning of my life, with breakfast. 
They sit down and they talk to you 
they end up drawing you in. You almost 
want to be a part of them, join their fami- 
ly. You get so you t 
thing wrong 


nd. 


Jim Bakker and I—and eve 


sympathy for the Bakkers, with all their 
trials. 

HAHN: Right, people wanting to bring 
Bakker back, worrying about him. People 
concerned about what Jim and Tammy 
are doing today. Tammy had to go to the 
K mart to buy hair spray. That's on the 
news! I didn't have enough food in my 
igerator and everyone talked about 
Tammy in her Mercedes. Or what Jerry 
Falwell says at his latest press conference. 
well’s no better than anyone 
else. He lies like the rest of them. The man 
told me he would do all kinds of things to 
help me get through this. He said he'd 
heard that Jessica Hahn was raped and 
she'd been injured for life. He got me to 
tell him something about what had hap- 
pened, then said, “I want you to fly down 
to Lynchburg; ГЇЇ get my assistant, Mark, 
to fly out and mect you and take care of 
you." But he never did call. He never did 
it, because he got what he wanted—to go 
on Koppel Ч ht and say, “Jessica 
Hahn called me this morning, We had our 
first conversation ever. She did say that 
what I said about the relationship between 


Jim Bakker and herself was identical as it, 


in fact, did happen.” 
GOISON: Why was that important? 

HAHN: Because he was taking over Bak- 
ker's empire. 

Jerry Falwell wanted me on his side and 
he needed me. He had to use me. But once 
he said that on Koppel, I never heard from 
the man. 1 was used by him and the oth- 
TV ministers to throw punches at 
Bakker—to bring out the dirt 

Let me tell you little story about Jerry 
Falwell. When all of this broke last March 
19. Jim Bakker confirmed that an incident 
had occurred. He blamed former col- 
leagues. He said they had wickedly manip- 
ulated him. One week later, he made the 
statement everyone heard, that the woman 
“knew all the tricks of the trade.” 1 
couldn't stand all the attention the story 
was getting, so 1 called Jerry Falwell 
through Paul Roper. I said to Paul Roper, 
"Paul, let's end t You know it’s bad 
and it's going to get worse.” | knew what 
was coming with Jim Bakker—I had 
heard some of the other stories about him 
and I knew what was going to come out. 
And I wanted to end it, because I love the 
people and 1 felt bad for the people ir 
volved and did not want them to go 
through this whole hell with us. All of thi 
could have been handled behind closed 
d 


ors. 
Now, this was when our pictures were 
on the front page every day and I couldn't 
get out of the house. So I was going to 
sneak out of my house at three in the 
morning and go to an airport. We had a 
private plane all ready, OK? A jet. And we 
were going to meet Jim Bakker in Char- 
lote. 

My plan was to fly in there, go on TV— 
though this 
would have probably killed me, I was 


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willing to do it. Just to stop the circus, all 
this fighting on television. We could have 
ended it; we had a chance. I said, “Lers 
get Jim Bakker and myself on TV and say, 
"Look, there was a mistake made. We're 
going to get through this. We want you to 
go on with your lives. We want this min- 
istry to keep going.” ” 
GOLSON: And how did you 
Were you going to go on tel 
hands as Jim and Tammy did on The PTL 
Club? 

HAHN: No, we weren't going to hold 
hands, but we were going to sit down like 
a Johnny Carson type of interview; we 
would both be in chairs, probably next to 
cach other, and there would be the media- 
tor—probably Falwell, 1 wanted it to be 
Falwell. 

SCHEER: But this was before you concluded 
that Falwell was trying to take over 
Bakker's church. 

HAHN: Right, exactly my point. But Fal- 
well is saying publicly, and to Bakker, how 
much compassion he has for them. So at 
this point, we have the jet and the pilot all 
ready. We made these arrangements. I got 
a blonde wig, and my bags were packed 
and I was just waiting for the word. 
GOLSON: Who had gotten in touch with 
Bakker? 

HAHN: That's the story. I called this minis- 
ter I knew and he got in touch with Jim 
Bakker. First thing Bakker says to this 
man is he'll call back. He has to k 


about it. I said, “Fine, but we just need to 
get this over before it goes on.” [t was 
getting bigger and hotter and bad and 
ugly. 

SCHEER: Were you going to claim that 
what had happened in the hotel never 
happened? 

HAHN: No, it definitely happened and we 
were going to say it happened. Jim Bakker 
already admitted that. 

SCHEER: But the idea of going on a TV 
stage 

HAHN: It would have been the hardest 
thing in the world for me, but I was will- 
ing to do it. I wanted to show the media 
people that if we didn't care, why should 
everyone else? If we got on and said, "We 
don't care one way or the other,” the min- 
istry could go on. And then the press 
would calm down, be less interested. 

First thing, Falwell responded to Paul 
Roper. I was told his message was, “No! 
I don't want you to go down there; Jim 
Bakker is not worth forgiving. His people 
have put up signs and banners saying, FOR- 
Giver [at Heritage USA]. 1 am having 
them torn down tomorrow. If you go, you 
are going to be making a big mistake.” 

That's what Jerry Falwell's message to 
me was through Paul Roper: “Don't go,” 
he said, “because Jim Bakker should not 
be forgiven!” 

Then Jim Bakker gets back to us and 
says, “I will not go on unless Jessica says it 
did not happen.” Here I was, the victim, 


and 1 was willing to seule it, make it go 
away. I always wanted to settle this behind 
closed doors. “What you do in secret, God 
will bless openly." I didn't give a damn 
about money or publicity. But no one else 
wanted it to go away. This thing with me 
was the best thing that ever happened to 
Falwell and Jimmy Swaggart and their 
take-over wars. 

Jerry Falwell saw that he could keep 
Bakker down permanently at the same 
time that he was saying, “We love Jim and 
Tammy; we want Jim and Tammy back.” 
These people, these men, all get togeth- 
er—the Ankerbergs and the Falwells and 
the Swaggarts—they all get together and 
they sit and they talk. But they don’t talk 
Gospel—they talk about how they are go- 
ing ta straighten the whole world out 

Now, you know Fm no fan of Jim 
Bakker, but Jim Bakker has also been 
screwed. I believe Jerry Falwell just out 
right screwed him. It's as simple as that. I 
feel sure Jerry Falwell made a deal with 
him and then claimed he never made a 
deal with him. I know that. And if you as 
Jerry Falwell that, he'll get on TV and 
he'll talk all the way around that thing. 
He'll talk 15 miles around a question and 
never answer it. 

GOLSON: You sound as if you're more hos- 
tile to him than you are to Bakker. 

HAHN: Em hostile to Bakker, believe me. 
I'm on Jerry right now. 

GOLSON: Do you think he was always aft 
the PTL? 


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HAHN: Right. The PTL was no 
thing. [t has the satellites and the 
and all the things Falwell has take 
tage of for his own ministry. He's u: 
PTL. Like I said, God is God, and people 
their own way of worsh 
well has taken complete advanı 
He knew how down I was. I wanted so 
badly to talk to somebody, 1 believed he 
would be there. It was the day he go- 
ing to go on Koppel ew he want 


mall 


and the reason that call was so 
important to me was because I was... I 
was breaking. l'd had it. There was no 
one. I couldn't go to my family, "cause 
they just didn’t understand 

ng all this crazi- 
itle apartment, 
porters were at 


without any 
me 24 hours 
of girl that s 
jump out of 


y day, "lm going 10 

7 But that day, Т 
ng | would never 
n. you know? 


HAHN: Yes. And t 
talk to m nch- 


to go on 


about flying down to 1 


me first 


burg—but 


pressing 


erry. everything you 
said is true.” But E did not want to do it. 
He goes, “Well, 1 think you should. ТЇЇ ar- 
range this and that. PIL call Led Kopp 
myself for you. 

Meanwhile, I had talked to Ted Koppel 
that day for an hour. I didn't need Jerry 
Falwell to make the connection. I mean. 
Koppel and I w buddies—we were 
talking all the tim. 
SCHEER: Koppel w 
on Nightline? 
HAHN: No. 1 actually confided in Koppel 
more than | confided in anybody at that 
time. In fact, he advised me to just make 
my own de dnt press me once. 
Not once. He said, 


e 


also trying to get you 


know if it’s good for vou to come on 
tonight." And he wasn't using reverse psy- 
chology or anything. He said, "You know 


the ratings would go 
through the ceiling. But think about it.” 
He helped me see things without falling 
apart. I was at a breaking point that da 
It was a miracle 1 had him on the phone 
really was. 


you're welcome: 


sted some disadvantages 


to your going on? 
HAHN: Yeah, he did. And I s 
these people had a lot more television time 
than E ever had. Falwell, B: they're 
professionals on TV. How many hours of 
television time have they 
many hours have I had? Its 


id to him that 


Yet when 1 said no, Falwell used me 
anyw 


GOLSON: OK, let's wind down. 


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PLAYBOY 


198 


HAHN: No, wait. Let me go on a bit longer. 
For seven years, 1 had a battle with 
“Should I let this thing get to mc? Should 
І fight it?” And my whole life has been 
caught up by it, and all these preachers 
have had a ball with it. Well, I've just real- 
ized, just now, that that day seven years 
ago was a day when two men stole my life 
and made me a slave to them emotionally. 
GOLSON: “Stole my life.” What do you 
mea 
HAHN: OK. Let's get down. Let's really get 
down to what it’s all about. 

They took from me what should have 
been for somebody I loved. They took 
from me that first experience—that first 
time when you love somebody and it’s ev- 
erything good. They took from me the 
chance to ever experience that. They took 
from me the gift that God gave us—of 
sharing the ultimate act of love. They stole 
that from me. ] will never in my life get 
that back. I will never in my life know 


what it’s like to make love for the first time 
with a man I love. And no money in the 
world can pay for that. No money in the 
world, [Long pause] 

SCHEER: You know, at this moment, 1 just 
want to say, | don’t see how this can run 
with the pictures you want to do. 

GOLSON: Bob's not on salary from 
Playboy; Lam. But I agree, We can do this 
without the pictures. 

HAHN: Relax, guys. I know what I'm do- 
ing. I want this on the record. I fought a 
long бте to feel like a woman and feel 
good about myself And Pm almost there, 
And 1 don’t see these pictures as being 
filthy. I sce what they did as being filthy. 1 
think a woman or man should be looked at 
as something beautiful. I think that if 
somebody looks at somebody to admire 
her, or whatever, there is no crime in that 
and that’s not wrong. 

GOISON: You've been under intense publ 
pressure, How can you be certain this is 
the right thing to do? 


“No, please! Not that way. It isn’t aerobic.” 


HAHN: This is nothing compared with 
what Гуе been through the past seven 
years of my life. Believe me, u mild. 
This is therapy. 

GOLSON: Sort of a public therapy, though, 
isn't it, Jessica? Right out there on the 
edge? 

HAHN: | tried to keep this private. I even 
took money to keep it private. But every- 
one, every story, tried to sell off a new 
piece of me. So I'm dealing with it pub- 


licly. Head on. Only I’m at the controls. 
GOLSON: And if you make money at it 
HAHN: The critics aren't paying my bills. 
Really. If you're going to check me out in 
the newspapers in a bathing suit, you may 
as well stop with the pretending and take a 


good look and find out what I'm about 
My terms, you know. You want to look? 
ГЇЇ show you. [Laughs] And if you don't 
like it [folds hands sharply|—just close the 
magazine! 

GOLSON: How can people see it as anything 
but a publicity game? 

HAHN: I am not playing a game. I'm say- 
ing to myself—and that's who I decided is 
most important, for the first ime—I'm 
saying, “I am not a slave to these men for 
the rest of my life.” And, to me, th; 
step in life. To do this in Playboy —which is 
probably the most ironic, the most far- 
fetched idea lor somebody who is a church 
secretary—is probably unbelievable to 
people, Butitis a step for me, because why 
on God's earth should T let Jim and John 
run the rest of my life—run my mind and 


is my 


run my body—when they tossed it about 
and couldn't have cared less what they 
were doing to me? 

Isn't it ironic? In the Christian world, 
when a person is struggling, he can turn to 
the church and things are OK. I was in the 
church and things got screwed up, and 
then I did this and got OK. It is ironic— 
the order of things. 

GOLSON: And you're not alraid Jim Bakker 


and let him point. Um de 
ca and not Jim er. L 
rest of my life with that 
want to say that I did this for me. 

To those who understand, no explana- 
To those who d 


ng this for Jessi- 
fuse to live the 


» my mind. 1 


tion is necessary 
derstand, no expl 


nation is possible. 


In part two: The cover-up. Personal 
threats. Blackmail. Mind games from PTL. 
Payoffs. Hush money. Possession. Mind con- 
trol. The media. Lawyers. Hollywood produc- 
ers. Jessica talks. Jessica acts. Free at last. 


(©1983 2 REYNOLDS TOBACCO CO. 


9 mig. "tar", 0.6 má. nicotine àv. per Cigarette by FTC method, rg 


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(ON:-THE 


GIVING 


ointy-toed cowboy styles, oiled-leather knockabouts, an- 
kle-high English gentlemen’s Wellingtons, lace-up combat 
models with easy-on/easy-olf industrial zippers—boot 
manufacturers are making great strides to ease the dis- 
comfort that comes with the slush and mush of cold weather. And 
the looks are often urbane enough to be combined successiully 


КОРАК EPR 6 


& 
8 


‘SCENE 


WINTER THE BOOT 


with everyday businesswear, thus eliminating the need for an ex- 
tra pair of shoes stashed under yuur desk. Furthermore, most 
boots’ seams and surlaces have been treated with oils and cherni- 
cals that resist rot and keep out dampness, and the lace eyelets and 
soles have been reinforced. Anyone who has sat through a day of 
meetings in soggy shoes and socks will kick up his heels over that 


KODAK EPR 6017, 


заз VION 2109 ааз va» 


Above center: Safari boot of grain and waxed chamois leathers with back tab, by Cole Haan, $158. Inset (clockwise from top left): Smooth- 


leather weather boot with cap toe, lace-up front, double 
with cap toe, lace-up front and leather sole, $195, and bluc-s 
by To Boot New York. Modified leather motorcycle boot 


ide zippers and rubber sole, from Fratelli Rossetti, $250. Grain-leather stable boot 
Че aprés-ski boot with lace-up front, rubber eyelets and back ankle lacer, $145, both 
ankle and side-gusset 


izard straps and buckles, from Vittorio Ricci, $365. 


== SUPERS HOPEIN 66-345 


Pool your interests with three 
products for the home 
straight shooter, including a 
solid-white-oak billiard-spec- 
tator chair that's practically 
identical to the ones used in 
The Color of Money, $299, a 
5'4all brass ten-cue rack 
with a weighted base, $149, 
and a 48"-long brass billiard- 
table light fitted with three 
stained-glass shades, $179, 
all from American Family 
Products, Addison, Illinois. 


The Micro Eye Quantum radar detector is 
a push-hutian street snoop thal scans 
both X- and K-band radar, has digital 
readout for signal strength, audio alert 
and light or dark settings. It’s ideal for 
those times when you have to move a 
bit quicker than the next guy, from BEL- 
Tronics, Mississauga, Ontario, $329.95. 


Yuu've got 
the whole 

world in your 
arms when 
you're carrying a 

textured-Nauga- The Krups Espresso Mi 
hyde zippered portfo- espresso/cappuccino maker serves two to four cups of steaming liquid 
lio that measures about in a carafe or individual cups and offers a "steam only” feature 
12" x 16" and is fitted with that delivers fro! ig milk for cappuccino, $110, including a four- 
two pockets, from Shady cup carafe, a filter hulder and an adapter for se 
Character, New York, $36. The Espresso Mini is also available in white or jazzy red 


JAMES IMBROGNO 


Left: The Discman D-77 portable AM/FM compact- 
disc player measures only 5 x 474" x 1л", yet it packs 
an audio punch that’s more than equal to that of far 
larger models. Discman’s many features include an 
Automatic Music Sensor for quickly scanning tracks 
forward or back and an LCD readout that displays disc- 
track number and remaining lime, by Sony, $459.95. 


| The Adidas for Меп line of 
fragrances has a fresh, clean 

scent and includes muscle 
lotion, $7.50, cologne, $11, 
after shave, $13, and soap 
with case, $5, plus 

other products. 


It may make you look like an android from 
another planet, but The Band personal FM 
radio (below) is meant for use on earth. 
The design lends itself to most activ 
and The Band is waterproof and floats, from 
MarkDesign, Stamford, Connecticut, $40. 


The Code-A-Phone 1050, in red, is one hot line. This telephone/answer- 
ing-machine combination features all-microcassette operation, one- 
touch message playback, beeperless remote access, variable 
announcement length, voice-activated recording, last-message autostop, 
ten-number speed dialing, last-number redial and a personal-reminder 
feature, just in case you forget to pay the phone bill, about $130. 


GRAPEVINE 


Back Stroke 


We'll take the back of actress JANE 
FRANCES any time. Moviegoers know 
Jane from Night Screams, and music- 
video fans remember her from David Lee 
Roth's Yankee Rose. No plain Jane for us. 


PAUL NATKIN / PHOTO RESERVE INC. 


Lip Sync 
Loose-lipped rocker JOE WALSH's most recent album is Got Any 
Gum? He's been on the road doing some concerts, but his cur- 
rent passion is doing guest-deejay spots around the country. 
Walsh is having so much fun that he's pursuing the idea of 
doing a national radio show with call-ins, celebrity guests 
and snappy patter. 


PAUL NATKIN / PHOTO RESERVE INC 


This gaggle of rock-‘n'-roll Brits is FUZZBOX. The first time they performed, as 
a favor to a friend, they had never played a lick, together or separately. “We 
were amazingly awful, but we got an encore,” says Марг, one of the Fuzzes. At 
their second show, a guy came up and asked them if they'd like to make a 
record, and the rest tory on We've Got а. . . Fuzzbox . . . and Were 
Gonna Use It!! Go to it, girls! 


© 1987 MARK LEIVOAL 


The 
Replacements 
Hang Out 


Live from Minneapolis, 
THE REPLACEMENTS are 
currently on tour. 


£ 1987 MARK LEIVDAL 


Or you can pick up 

their latest album, 

Pleased lo Meet Me, 

and Бооке al home: Help Me, Rhonda 

These guys are row- Actress RHONDA SUE RAYFORD gets physical 

dy and rebellious with DOUG STARR, a.k.a. Dr. Starr (his group? 

and, well, irre- The M.D.s, of course). Rhonda's credits in- 

placeable. clude Grandview, U.S.A. and a beauty-care 
video. Look for the Doc on MTV in Passion Fix. 

A Chair 

ge 

Is Just ry 

a Chair... b 

Until actress/model CAROLE AA, 

ANNE sits down. Then it takes IA 


on a whole new dimension. 
Carole Anne made her screen 
debut in the Monty Python film 
The Meaning of Life. We think 
she knows a lot about the 
meaning of life. 


st 
+ 


© 1907 PIP ust 


QA 


COMING NEX 


YOSSARIAN 


“JESSICA’S STORY: THE COVER-UP"—MORE SHOCK- 
ING REVELATIONS FROM THE FORMER CHURCH SEC- 
RETARY VICTIMIZED BY JIM BAKKER 


“YOSSARIAN SURVIVES”—IN A RECENTLY DIS- 
COVERED FRAGMENT OF CATCH-22, OUR HERO 
LEARNS HOW TO GET OUT OF CALISTHENICS AT 
LOWRY FIELD—BY JOSEPH HELLER 


“WHY SPY?”—A SPIRITED DEFENSE OF THE CRAFT OF 
ESPIONAGE, BY A MAN WHO SHOULD KNOW, WILLIAM 
F. BUCKLEY, JR. 


“DUELING SIXTIES"—TWO FORMER RAMPARTS EDI- 
TORS, PETER COLLIER AND DAVID HOROWITZ, FIND 
THAT DAZZLING DECADE AT THE ROOT OF MANY OF 
THE EIGHTIES' EVILS. AGING ENFANT TERRIBLE HAR- 
LAN ELLISON, HOWEVER, BEGS TO DIFFER 


и THE GALA CHRISTMAS AND 
= 34TH ANNIVERSARY ISSUES 


GORE VIDAL, AUTHOR OF EMPIRE, SKEWERS EVERY- 
BODY FROM JIM B. TO JACKIE O., SUGGESTS SHUCK- 
ING THE CONSTITUTION AND EXPLAINS HOW GARY 
HART SCREWED UP IN AN ACERBIC PLAYBOY IN- 
TERVIEW 


“GITTE THE GREAT"—THE LATEST LOOK AT BRIGITTE 
NIELSEN, WHO ALSO TELLS THE REAL STORY OF HER 
BREAKUP WITH SLY STALLONE 


"QUARTERLY REPORTS: WHAT THE K.G.B. TAUGHT 
ME ABOUT MONEY”—IS THIS WHAT BEING IN THE 
RED MEANS? THE REAL SCOOP FROM ANDREW 
TOBIAS 


“THE LAUREL AND HARDY LOVE AFFAIR"—SHE WAS 
STAN, HE WAS OLLIE AND THE MUSIC BOX'S 150 STEPS 
MEANT THE WORLD TO THEM. A BITTERSWEET RO- 
MANCE—BY RAY BRADBURY 


PLUS: A PROFILE OF ONE OF HOLLYWOOD'S HOTTEST ACTORS, DENNIS QUAID; *THE CURSE," A HAUNTING 
STORY ABOUT A BARTENDER'S MEMORIES, BY ANDRE DUBUS; “CHANNEL-HOPPING,” THE LATEST CALIFORNIA 
TRIP, BY JERRY STAHL; NEW FICTION FROM ED MCBAIN; "SEX STARS OF 1987," BY JIM HARWOOD; AN 


EXAMINATION OF HOW AIDS AFFECTS ROMANCE, BY BACHELOR/AUTHOR/PHYSICIAN MICHAEL CRICHTON; 


‘THE 


RETURN OF THE MINISKIRT"—FASHION HAS SMILED ON US ONCE AGAIN, GENTLEMEN. A TRIBUTE TO A LONGER 
(MUCH LONGER) LOOK AT LEGS; TERRIFIC NEW PHOTOS OF EVERYONE'S FAVORITE GIRL GRAD, BROOKE 
‘SHIELDS; LITTLE ANNIE FANNY; GAHAN WILSON; AND MORE FOR YOUR HOLIDAY ENJOYMENT 


Wins Л 


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