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ENTERTAINMENT / 2 
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JUNE 1989 * $4.00 


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JUNE HAS ALWAYS BEEN Songwriters’ favorite month because it 
rhymes with so many words—spoon, tune, jejune. June has also 
been a favorite month for Playboy readers, because that is when 
they moon, croon and otherwise swoon over the latest dazzling 
Playmate of the Year. Admirers of this years model, of course, 
are in special company: Kimberley Conrad (a.k.a. Miss January 
1988) is Editor-in-Chief Hugh M. Hefner's bride-to-be. So she'll go 
from the cover in June to a Hefner honeymoon. Somebody ought 
to write a song- 

Elsewhere in the magazine, the fun begins withaninquiryinto 
who's getting rich from the comedy boom. In Cash and Comedy, 
Mark Christensen exposes the handful of agents who are laughing 
all the way to the bank. For the viewpoint of a travel-weary come- 
dian, turn to Franklyn Ajaye's On the Road. 

Now we'd like to make an in-flight announcement to all readers 
who are perusing this issue on airplanes: You've obviously chosen 
the right magazine as your travel companion. With a wing and a 
prayer, we present three high-flying pieces. 
irst up 15 Craig Vetter, who has been hanging out with guys who 
regularly jump from airplanes. Into burning forests. On pur- 
pose. In Smoke Jumpers, he tells the incendiary story of the coura- 
geous parachutists who battle wilderness blazes. 

Next on the runway is Nadine Gordimer's short story A Journey, 
illustrated by Mel Odom. The celebrated South African novelist 
spins a tale of adultery centering on a mother, a son and a baby 
winging over Africa. 

You may want to wait until you're safely back on the ground to 
check out Confessions of Captain X, an excerpt from the forth- 
coming Doubleday book Unfriendly Skies, “Revelations of a 
Deregulated Pilot,” which Reynolds Dodson co-authored with a pi- 
lot (no names, please) from a commercial airline. Between the 
chaos of deregulation and the terrors of microbursts, you may 
decide to go Amtrak next time. 

We like to keep our eyes on the nation’s college campuses—for 
better or worse—so we sent Trey Ellis, author of the highly ac- 
claimed novel Platitudes, to visit Stanford, Michigan and the Uni- 
versity of Massachusetts to come to grips with the recent 
flare-ups of racism at those schools. His report is contained in 
Disillusioned in the Promised Land, illustrated by Gary Kelley. In a 
companion piece, Reassessing the Rools, David J. Dent weighs in 
with observations on what might be called the Denise Huxtable 
Effect: a boom in enrollment in predominantly black colleges. 

Edward James Olmos, this months interview subject, also knows 
about tough times at school, and not just from his Academy 
Award-nominated role as the motivating math teacher in Stand 
and Deliver. Olmos, who first became widely known on Miami 
Vice, spends much of his free time visiting high schools and juve- 
nile-detention centers, helping kids, well, stand and deliver. Mar- 
cia Seligson was his interrogator. In 20 Questions, Robert Crane 
catches up with Nicolas Cage, who launched his film career in Val- 
ley Girland moved on to bed Cher in Moonstruck. Talk about reha- 
bilitation. 

Rounding out June nontiction is part three of Burning De 
sires: Sex in America, our continuing series on sex in the Eighties. 
In their latest installment, Steve Chapple and David Talbot —who 
wrote the book of the same title, which will be published by Dou- 
bleday in June—discuss the т shing of Andrea Dworkin 
(boo!) and the rise of feminist porn (yea!). Mitch O'Connell illus- 
trated the piece. 

Our June pictorials are busting out all over. Travel to Maui to 
shoot the breeze with the Wet and Wild girls of windsw 
and then island-hop to Honolulu for a Aukilau with heavenly 
Playmate Tawnni Cable. Back in L.A., there's Dana Plato (shot by 
Contributing Photographer Stephen Woyda), who has grown up а 
lot since her days on ТУ» Diffrent Strokes. And, just in case you 
needed reminding, there's Playmate of the Year Kimberley C 


rad. It proves once again wha 
sha 


а generous guy Hef i 


PLAYBILL 


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PLAYBOY 


vol. 36, no. 6—june 1989 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 
PLAYBILL .... 3 
9 
ee ИӘ 
SPORTS DAN JENKINS 34 
MEN... ASA BABER 38 
WOMEN. . . . CYNTHIA HEIMEL 42 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 45 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM m 49 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: EDWARD JAMES OLMOS—condid conversation 59 


CAMPUS RACISM 
DISILLUSIONED IN THE PROMISED LAND—article................. TREY ELUS 74 
REASSESSING THE ROOTS—article ..... - DAVID J. DENT 74 


DIFF'RENT DANA—pictorial. ..... 7 
А JOURNEY—fiction . РЕР NADINE GORDIMER 86 
BODIES OF WATER—fashion............... er .. HOLLIS WAYNE 89 
BURNING DESIRES: SEX IN AMERICA—arricle. .. STEVE CHAPPLE ol DAVIDTALBOT 97 
TIME AFTER TIME—modern living... ee 100 
CONFESSIONS OF CAPTAIN X—article. ... CAPTAIN X and REYNOLDS DODSON 104 
CABLE READY—playboy's playmate of the month 106 
PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor ..... 118 
PLAYBOY'S GIFIS FOR DADS & GRADS 9 А zs 120 
RISKY BUSINESS: SMOKE JUMPERS—article . .. . m - CRAIG VETTER 124 
THIS PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR 15 A PLAYMATE FOR A LIFETIME—pictorial ........ 128 
CASH & COMEDY—article 3 ES . MARK CHRISTENSEN 142 
ONITHEIROAD : ciao cds 2222.22... FRANKLYN AJAYE 144 
WET AND WILD—pietorial...... 00000000022 EE issues 146 
20 QUESTIONS: NICOLAS CAGE 150 L. 
PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE .. 185 Bewitching Watches 
COVER STORY 
Decorating our cover is none other than gorgeous Kimberley Conrad, the win- g 


ning Playmate of the Year and Hef's Playmate for a Lifetime. Contributing 
Photographer Stephen Wayda shot the cover, which was produced by West 
Coast Photo Editor Marilyn Grabowski. Kim stylist was Jennifer Smith- 
Ashley; her hair and make-up were styled by Clint Wheat for A La Mode 
Agency/L.A. Our friendly Rabbit soys hi to Kims sexy, seductive thigh. 


GENERAL OFFICES: PLAYBOY BUILDING, апы NORTH MICHIGAN AVE.. CHICAGO. ILLINOIS вови. PLAYBOY ASSUMES NO RESFONSIGLITY TO RETURN UNSOLICITED EOTOPAL OM GAAPIIE MATERIAL ALL PICHTS LETTERS 


гоян COUR адла na 
Pr. 17 и ALL DOMESTIC COPIES. KOOL бог ин CARD BETWEEN PF. 40-20 MN ALAMAMA NLI. PRINTED I USA 


PLAYBOY 


PLAYBOY'S BOOK OF 


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Preferred 
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JOHN BRESSLER 
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PLAYBOY 


HUGH М. HEFNER | 
editor-in-chief 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
and associate publisher 


JONATHAN BLACK managing editor 
ТОМ STAEBLER av! director 
GARY COLE photography director 
С. BARRY GOLSON executive editor 


EDITORIAL 

ARTICLES: JOHN REZEK editor; PETER MOORE 4550- 
ciale editor, FICTION: ALICE к. TURNER editor; 
MODERN LIVING: DAVID STEVENS senior edi- 
lor; PHILLIP COOPER, ED WALKER associale editors; 
FORUM: TERESA GROSCH associate editor; WEST 
COAST: STEPHEN RANDALL editor; STAFF: REICH. 
EN EDGREN senior editor; JAMES R. PETERSEN 
senior staff writer; BRUCE KLUGER, BARBARA NELLIS. 
KATE NOLAN associate editors; JOHN 118k traffic 
coordinator: FASHION: HOLLIS WAYNE editor; 
WENDY ZABRANSKY assistant editor; CAR- 
TOONS: MICHELLE URRY editor; COPY: ARLENE 
BOURAS editor; LAURIE ROGERS assistant editor; LEE 
BRAUER, CAROLYN BROWNE, RANDY LYNCH. BARI 
NASH, LYNN TRAVERS, МАНУ ZION researchers; CON- 
TRIBUTING EDITORS: ASA BABER. KEVIN СООК. 
LAURENCE GONZALES, LAWRENCE GROBEL, CYNTHIA 
HEIMEL, WILLIAM |, HELMER, DAN JENKINS, WALTER 
LOWE, JR, D. KEITH MANO, REG POTTERTON, DAVID 
RENSIN, RICHARD RHODES, DAVID SHEFE DAVID 
STANDISH. BRUCE WILLIAMSON (movies), SUSAN 
MARGOLIS WINTER BILL ZEHME 


ART 
KERIG POPE managing director; CHET SUSKI, LEN 
WILLIS senior directors; BRUCE HANSEN associate 
director; JOSEPH PACZEK. ERIC SHROPSHIRE assistant 
directors; Debut. KONG junior director; ANN SEIDL 
senior hosline and paste up artist; оша. тымақ 
RICK MILLER art assistants; BARBARA HOFFMAN ad- 
ministrative manager 


PHOTOGRAPHY 
MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coust editor; JEFF COHEN 
managing editor; LINDA KENNEY. JAMES LARSON, 
MICHAEL ANN SULLIVAN associate editors; PATTY 
BEAUDET assistant editor: POMPEO OSAR senior 
staff photographer; KERRY MORRIS staff photog- 
raphey; DAVID CHAN. RICHARD FEGLEV. ARNY 
FREVIAG. RICHARD IZUL DAVID MECEY, BYRON 
NEWMAN. STEPHEN WAYDA contributing photogra 
phers; SHELLEE WELLS Stylist: STEVE LEVITT color 
lab supervisor; JOHN Goss business manager 


PRODUCTION 
JOHN NASTRO director; MARIA MANDIS manager; 
RETA JOHNSON assisiant manager; ELEANORE WAG. 
NER. JODY JURGETO, RICHARD QUARTAROLE assistants 


READER SERVICE 


CYNTHIA LACEYSIKICH manager; LINDA STROM 
MIKE OSTROWSKI correspoudents 


CIRCULATION 
BARBARA GUTMAN associate director 


ADVERTISING 
MICHAEL T CARR advertising director; zOt AQUILLA 
midwest manager; JAMES |. ARCHANMAULI JR new 
York manager; RONERT TRAMONDO category man 
адет; JOHN PEASLEY direct response 


ADMINISTRATIVE 
JOHN A. SCOTT resident, publishing group; 
тилем KENT contracts administrator; MARCIA ТЕК. 
KONES rights ES permissions manager. 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
CHRISTIE HEFNER chairman, chief executive officer 


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The newest in our Video Centerfold 
Sel - 1989 Playmate of the Year 
Kimberley Conrad. ThisCanadian beau- 
ly (also Hef's fiancée) has caused а 
stir in the States - not to mention the 
when you view her 
Kimberley s ..lhe key 
10 think that way’ 
thoughts аге all over this 

video. Approx. 55 min. 


Order Toll-free 
1-800-345-6066 


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4 check or money order for 

9 plus $3.00 shipping and han- 
dling charge per total order, specify 
item #109-\ (Illinois residents add 
7% sales tax. Canadian residents 
ple; add 00 additional per 
video. Sorry. no other foreign orders.) 
Mail to Playboy Video. РО. Box 1554, 
Dept. 99031. Elk Grove Village, IL 
60009. 


Also available wherever video is sold. 


©1989 Paybor 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


ADDRESS DEAR PLAYBOY 
PLAYBOY BUILDING 
919 N. MICHIGAN AVE. 
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 


THANKS FOR HANKS 
Truly enjoyed your March Playboy In- 
terview with Лот Hanks. After following 
talented actors career for many years, 
elated that he now has the success he 
s hing to see а 


15 along the way, 
Jodi Pearce Peters 
Sarasota, Florida 


DEEP THRILLS 
І 


k vou for Deep Thrills, the article 
on scuba diving by Geoffrey Norman 
(Playboy, March). I am a master instructor 
and dive-store owner afliliated with the 
Profession Association of Diving In- 
structors. one of the largest certifying 
agencies in the world, a 
many of the beautiful dive loc 
п speaks of. I would like to point out 
that taking a vacation certification course 
means spending much of a trip in eass- 
g the needed 
skills. Also, while getting certified in quar- 
ries and springs may not seem romantic, it 
motivates people to practice buoyancy 
skills and become more comfortable in the 
water. [f Uh same divers continue 10 
practice once they are certified, it keeps 
g themselves and the 
te ecosystem ol the magnificent dive 
Sites around the world. 

Patrick А. Linam 
Innerspace Divers of El Paso 
El Paso, Texas 


id I have been to 


ions Nor- 


rooms and pools lea 


It's nice to see diving articles in publ 
tions other than diving magazines. The 
underwater world is magnificent, and as 
you swim through it, i’ as though you 
personal aquarium. 
a little disappointed, however, that 
ion only tropi s. I dive 
cold water—Campbell River in 
iia, to be exact—and 
1, some of our e sites 
than, what you 


can find down 
reefs ol anemones, cloud sponges, 
sometime e your head sy 
Keep up the good work and I hope we 
divers can read more about our hobby in 
future ues of Playboy. 
Allen L. Cox 
Campbell River, British Columbia 


Thanks for the informative article cov- 
ering scuba-diving instruction and equip- 
ment. Fm dying of curiosity, though. What 
happened to the girl in the photo with the 
menacing shark on page 89? Did she sur- 
vive to see the photo? 


Martin Giesbrecht 

Abilene, Texas 

Yes, she did. As a matter of fact, shes one of 

photographer Herwarth Voigtmanns three 
daughters. 


A VISIT FROM PIA 

While the rest of the world was watching 
the thrill of George Bush b 
ed and, later, the Super Bowl. Novembe 
1988 Playmate Pia Rey ing this 
boring town with her beautiful presence 
Thank you, Pia, for coming to this town. 1 
hope Playboy continues to show the world 


was 


I women such as 
. Diana Lee, and 
а Toya Jackson 
ly are. 

Adam Farley 
Springfield. Mi 


GROWING UP WITH PLAYBOY 

I'ma 29-ye 
nally from Monaca, 
ту parents own and operat 


origi- 
, where 
I con- 
venience store that carries Playboy. When 1 
was 15, I used to sneak а copy olf the shell 


to look at the pictures. After a while, I 
started sneaking copies to read the articles, 
and soon I stopped sneaking altogethe 
reading it in the kitchen. My mothe 
request was that I replace the magazin 
when I was finished. When I was с 
ned in the US. Navy and out at sea, my 
mother bought me my first subscription. lt 


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PLAYBOY 


10 


¡se that a men's magazine that 
intelligently addresses so many political 
and social issues, and whose value 15 also 
recognized by women, has lasted for 35 
ycars and will probably last for many 
more. Congratulations on a job well done. 

The first things 1 read cach month are 
the columns by Dan Jenkins, Asa Baber 
and Cynthia Heimel. I also enjoyed, and I 
hope you will bring back, Craig Vetter's 
Against the Wind. The Playboy Forum has 
almost prompted me to write on several 
occasions. Thank you for providing me 
h 14 years of entertainment and 
thought-provoking literature. 

Before 1 close, Га like ю mention that 
I've just received the March issue, and isn't. 
the Ginger Lynn Allen mentioned in 
Grapevine the Ginger Lynn of 
movie fame? 


Forked River, New Jersey 
Thanks, Ernie, from Cynthia, Asa, Dan, 

Craig and ай the rest of us. In answer to your 

question: Yep, shes the same Ginger Lynn. 


ТА TOYA 


ed my copy of the March issue 
the mail today and I just cant seem to put 
it down. Your pictorial on La ‘Toya Jackson 
(Don't fell Michael) is breath-taking, She is 
incredibly beautiful and oh, so sexy! I will 
treasure these photos and this issue for the 
rest of my life. My compliments to Playboy 
Contributing Photographer Stephen Way- 
da for an outstanding job. He was blessed 
to be the only one on the set with her, and 
the same goes for that lucky snake! 

Wayne Washington 
Dayton, Ohio 


I must congratulate you on your cover 
photo of La Toya Jackson on the March i 
sue, as well as (he pictori 
photography is superb. La Toya i 
beautiful woman. 15 an amazing pictorial, 
Thank you. 


Tracy Day 
Universal Ci 


y Texas 


Finally a display of beautiful black wom- 
en! I am, of course, referring to your re- 
cent pictorials on La Toya Jackson and 
Monica Andrea Silvia Do Santos (Rios 
Grand!, Playboy, February). | have been а 
reader of your magazine for quite a while 
and, while Vanity (Playboy, April 1988) is 
breath-taking and La Toya is so, so fine, it 
would be nice to see more women like 
Monica. 


Gregory Michael Newbold 
Glenolden, Pennsylvania 


Never have I seen a woman as beautiful 
as La Toya. She has an almost pure, inno- 
cent face and yet a wicked look that would 
stop a priest in his tracks. She is delicious. 

I don't understand why a woman with a 
face so radiant and a shape to match would 
be so shy. She something to be proud 


of and shouldn't be ashamed to reveal it to 
the world, as she has done. If I were her 
brother or sister, Га say she has done the 
family name proud. Do you have an ad- 
dress 1 could write to for her leather cata- 
log? Га like to buy my wife something 
from it. 


ult Ste. Marie, Ontario 

La Toyas no longer in the leather business, 
but you might consider stopping by your local 
perfume counter and buying your wife Plat- 
тит by La Toya, a fragrance that Miss Jack- 
son has recently marketed. 


As one who not only appreciates fe 
nine beauty but also owns a business 
breeding exotic reptiles while continuing 
graduate research in herpetology, 1 must 
say that your March pictorial on La Toya 
Jackson is a culmination of my greatest 
passion: 

However, a correction is in order. The 
serpent with which she is posed on page 
196 is not a boa constrictor, as noted; it's a 


Burmese python (Pylhon molurus bivit- 
tatus). Although both species are common 
as pets, they differ in many respects, 
cluding continents of origin. 

James E. Eggers 

Waco, Texas 

You sure know your snakes, Jim. We had or- 

dered a boa constrictor for our photo session, 
but our snake supplier substituted a Burmese 
Python. Seems he was out of boas that day. 


jackson for taking a 
It’s about time she 


Praise to La Toya | 
stand and being he 
escaped from the dictatorship of Michael 
and the rest of the Jacksons. 

Essex Reed 
Gr 


nwood, Mississippi 


putting the name Michael in 
above the picture of his sister 
La Toya. In all the photo like seeing 
Michael's face on La уаз body How 
eerie! 


Faye Nontelle 
La Crosse, Wisconsin 


Toya Jackson's personal manager, 
Гат writing to praise the Playboy staff for 
its magnificent work on her pictorial. As a 
result of her appearance, we are receiving 
movie offers, commercial endorsements 
and bags of fan mail. Without question, 
Playboy anced her career. 

Jack Gordon 

New York, New York 


STUD RABBIT 
Congratulations on the placement of 
the Rabbit Head оп La ‘loya’s beautiful 
leatherwear on the cover of the March is- 
sue. I checked out 160 studs before I spot- 
ted it. Pretty darn dever, I would зау. 
William R. Bakes 
Ben Lomond, California 


LAURIE WOOD 

o say that Miss March, Laurie Wood, is 
beautiful is an understatement. She more 
than upholds the Playboy tradition of 
finding and photographing the world's 
most beautiful women. Her husband is one 
very lucky man, and I am sure many men 
like me (married) are envious. 

Thank you, Playboy, for Laurie Wood. 
You've done yourself proud, and so has 
she. 


Mick Birge 
Vincennes, Indiana 


These days, when so many people are 
giving love and sex а bad name, il is reas- 
suring to find someone like March Play- 
mate Laurie Wood, who exemplifies the 
true meaning of both. It is unfortunate 
that she must be referred to as “old-fash- 
ioned” There is certainly nothing wrong 
with being a virgin nor with waiting until 
you are married to share а very cherished 
part of yourself with someone you truly 
love. 

I hope that if and when I find the wom- 
an I want to spend my life with, she will be 
as wonderful as Laurie. 

Егіс Kell 
Seattle, Washington 


MARTINI COMEBACK 

Bravo to Jim Atkinson for Return of the 
Martini (Playboy, March)! He has hit the 
nail on the head with his analysis of the 
martinis fall in the wake of Yuppiedom 
and the pseudo health nuts of the Eighties. 
Is it such a crime to te the purity 
and nost: that i of 
the basic martini? As the Nineties ар- 
proach, 1 only hope that Atkinso 
эп of a return to a mar 
America rings true. Now, if I can only 
trade іп my BMW for some Detroit 
muscle. . . 


David S. Grennek 
New Castle, Pennsylvania 


7, 


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PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


WILD JOKER 


Southern comics? We couldn't think ofa 
single one until someone mentioned the 
Reverend Billy C. Wirtz, an claborately tat 
tooed South Carolinian who has а case of 
rural anxiety pretty far removed from the 
urban version of, say, Richard Lewis. 
Wirtz, who is not really a preacher, plays 
boogie-woogie piano and sings, but he spe- 
cializes in skewing Southern life, covering 
such Dixie staples as inbreeding, televan- 
gelists, paintings of Elvis on black velvet 
and small towns, his favorite target being 
the fictional Chromosome, North Carolina 
“Like to think of myself,” Wirtz told us, 
5 some freak genetic experiment that 
went awry when a scientist mutated the 
brains of Tom Lehrer and Jerry Lee 
Lewis.” We suppose he was referring to the 
climax of his act, when he unzips his pants, 
sticks his hand through his fly and plays 
red-hot piano as the “five-headed albino 
snapping trouser trout.” He is also likely to 
caress one of his favorite stage props—an 
anatomically correct Mr. Potato Head— 
and then coyly tease his audience: “A lot of 
girls say that | remind ‘em of Dan Fogel- 
berg—do yall think so?” The answer, 
bluntly? No way. 
Welcome to Southern shtick. 


HOPE WE'RE NOT TOO LATE 


A corrections column in The Washington 
Post featured this item: "An incorrect 
phone number for where to call for help 
with suicide prevention was printed $ашг- 
day. The hotline for the Psychiatric Insti- 
tute of Washington is 467-HOPE.” 


ROAD MOVIE 


Only a Buckis a movie. But don't look for 
it at the multiples or on your TV—unless 
you've shelled out $19.95 for the video, 
which you can buy only from the back of 
director Gerry Cooks Brickmobile, a 
weird van that has been painted to look as 
if it were made of bricks. A caricature of 
Cook painted on a side panel implores, шу 
MY MOVIE, IPS FACTORY DIRECT. When we 
talked with them, he and his partners 
Charlie Schmidt, Don Moulton and Peter 
Hunrichs were passing through Chicago, 


eastbound from their Spokane base. 

“Sometimes,” says Cook, “we'll be starv- 
ing, and just then, someone buys а tape, 
and we've got dinner money.” In the begin- 
ning, he and his crew quit their jobs and 
sank $100,000 into equipment to make the 
movie. Then, spooked by releasing deals 
that would have snatched all the rights to 
their opus, they took to the highways. 

Тһе film à clef stars the Spokane crew as 
regular guys who try to shoot a low-bud 
flick. Its special effects actually led to a 
commission from ABC-TV for last season's 
dazzling Monday Night. Football opening 
sequence, in which a camera ricochets 
through a pinball game. Their next proj- 
ect: a movie titled The Art of Mooch. Says 
Cook, “We're researching it as we go. Got 
any food?" 


ACRO-RATS 


amantha Martin has a way with rats. At 
her coaxing, they clamber up ladders, 
nudge bowling balls at pins and leap 
through hoops. Samantha and her pack 
perform in night clubs and were recently 
booked on the Mino Demato Shou—ltaly's 
version of Late Night with David Letter 
man. Let's get one thing straight: Saman- 


tha’s Amazing Acro-Rats are not cuddly 
white lab rodents; they're descendants of 
the same urban vermin that made a smor- 
gasbord of Ernest Borgnine in Willard. 

Martin trains her scaly-tailed troupe in 
an apartment she shares with a nine-foot- 
long python, five other snakes, a tarantula 
and dozens of rats. “Boyfriends seldom last 
three months.” she says. sighing. “My last 
one was bitten in a sensitive area while һе 
was sleeping” Still, she has no phobias 
about waking up as rat chow. “They think 
I'm their mother: I pick the best ones out of 
the liter and carry them in my purse.” 

While Martin earned a “Rat Wrangler” 
credit on an independent film, she occupies 
most of her time with live shows, disposing 
of clumsy performers by feeding them to 
her pet python. How does she say good- 
bye? “I just name it after an old boyfriend 
and pitch it right into the cage. “This is the 
end, Bill—you shouldn't have lied." 


ULTRA FAME 


Isabelle Dufresne, a.k.a. Ultra Violet, 
the Andy Warhol acolyte, has written a 
memoir, Famous for 15 Minutes—My Years 
with Andy Warkol, in which she ponders 
fleeting fame. She notes, for instance, that 
Warhol was miffed when Robert Kennedy 
was assassinated just two days alter his 


own wounding by a feminist. “If only 
Kennedy were shot a different time, I 
would have gotten all the publicity" 


Warhol supposedly whincd. Violet recalls 
herself clbowing for a position in front of 
the photographers in the hospital lobby 
just for the publicity 

But now, she told us, she's flacking for a 
work of substance, not just for fame itself. 
Still, she admits, celebrity is addictive. 
"Who can run from fame? Fame really 
means money power love. Thats what 
people believe. The day will come," she 
predicis, "when everybody will be on TV 
and nobody will be watching. . . . Every 
body will be writing books and nobody 
will be reading them.” 

In the face of such fierce competition, we 


asked, how does one go about becoming 
the next big thing? “Always tell people 
what they want to hear,” she counseled 
"Hire a personal photographer, so the 


13 


14 


RAW DATA 


QUOTE 
“There was a time 
when you could say 
something about 
somebodys momma, 
and you got to fight 
Not so anymore. But 


if somebody say, ‘Fuck 
your dead home 
boys, oh, now we got 


gangologist, 
merly affiliated with 
the Bloods, inter- 
viewed in Harpers. 


ROOT, ROOT, ROOT 


Percentage of pro- 
fessional football fans 
who have attended 


Л. 


New Years resol 


college 
. 


Percentage оГ profess 
fans who have attended college: 41.5 
. 
ofessional basketball 
aded collegi 
. 
Percentage of professional hockey 
fans who have attended college: 54.6. 
. 


Percentage of pi 
fans who have att 


Percentage of workers in managerial, 

executive or professional jobs who are 

football fans: 384. Percentage who are 

baseball fans: 279: who are basketball 

fans: 28.8; who are hockey fans: 40.9. 
. 

Percentage of professional football 
fans who earn more than $50,000, 34.9; 
of professional baseball fans, 22.7; of 
professional basketball fans, 277; of 
professional hockey fans, 44 


RIKKI DON'T LOSE THAT NUMBER 


Percentage of American households 
that have at least o lephone: 93. Pei 
age that have unlisted telephone 
nbers: 276. 
y with th 
alisted ph 
(60.3). 

Others in the top five: Los Angeles 
and Long Beach, California (56 per- 
cent); Oakland, Cali (536 per- 


highest percentage of 
ne numbers: Las Ve 


FACT OF THE MONTH 


By the end of June, only 31 Ch 
percent of us will keep to our 


cent); Fresno, Ca 
nia (52.6 percent), 
and Jersey City, New 
Jersey (51.3 percent) 


STRESS TEST 


e least stressful 
cities in America: 
Cedar Rapids, Iowa; 
Madison, Wisconsin 
Ann Arbor Mich 
coln, Ne- 
ka; and Fargo, 
North Dakota. 
. 

' most stressful 

in America: 


timore, 


Houston, Texas; and 
ions. Jersey City New Jer- 
ked by Zcro 


эсу (т 
Population Growth, Inc). 


H:O DOZE 


State w atest percentage of 
houscholds that own water beds: Cali- 
fornia (13.1 percent). 

. 

Other top-ranking water-bed state: 
Texas (5.6 percent), Ilinois (1.9 р 
cent), Florida (4.8 percent), Ohio (4.6 
percent) and Michigan (4.2 percent). 


CATS AND DOGS 


Number of cats in American house- 
holds: 58,000,000. Number of dogs: 
49,900,000. 


. 
Percentage of cat or dog owners who 
talk to their pets: 99. 
. 
Percentage of pet own 
pictures of th 
10. 


who keep 
pets in their wallets: 


Most popular for male cats: 
Smoky, Tiger, Max and Charlie. 
. 


Most popula 
Samantha, Misty, Muffin a 
. 


names for female 
id Fluffy: 


Most popular n 
Angeles County: Lady 
Duke, Rocky, Princess, ( 
Blacky and Lue 


ames for dogs in Los 


press can be supplied with your picture 
wherever you go. And, in groups, stand on 
the right of other people, so your name 
be first in the captions 


Hardison, a.k.a. Dwayne Wayne. 


Three years ago, Kadeem Hardison was, in 
his words, “just another Brooklyn B-boy, 
out here tryin to get over.” Today, Hardi- 
son, 23, has gotten over as Dwayne Wayne, 
the woman-crazy leading man on NBC's A 
Different World. When Hardison arrived— 
sans flip-up shades—for his interview a 
MTM studios, he flashed that Dwayne 
Wayne jive-ass smile that gives Eddie Mur- 
phy's a run for its money. We asked him to 
marize Dwayne's approach to women. 

“He's the type of guy who will walk into 
a room with eight women and start rap- 
ping to the first one, and if she says, ‘Cet 
out of my face, turkey! hell turn to the 
next girl and “Well, hey, what about 
you, baby?" and if she tells him to get lost, 
he'll just move on to number three. Нез 
the only guy Ї know who could get turned 
down seven times in a row and still have 
enough nerve to go for number eight. Awe- 
some confidence. 

“This season, though, the scriptwriter 
have made him more ішейін 
sitive, more thoughtful. They want to let 
him have his heart broken, be confused, 
show some uncertainty. They want the old 
boy to feel some pain, all the shit ordinary 
guys feel.” 

How does Hard 
from Dwayne's? 

“Well, three years ago, I had to work 
very hard to get anybody to talk to me. 
These days, all I have to do is show up. It's 
all eye contact. For instance, here comes 
one now. Watch me.” 

A pretty young woman walks toward us, 
absorbed in something that she’s reading. 
Hardison leans in her direction, smiles 
broadly and locks his eyes on her. Without 
a blink of recognition, the woman keeps 


по, more sen- 


{> approach differ 


walking past us. 
“She's wearing sunglasses. Didn't pick it 
he explains with a shrug. Then he 
ound, hollering, “Better watch 
where you're goin’ in them shades, ba 
walk into the front of some- 


You gonna 
body's cart” 
You just can't be 


good eye contact 


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18 


МІС GARBARINI 


Two ямы rules govern the quality of 
modern sound tracks: First, sound tracks 
featuring anyone named Kenny (б 
gins, Rogers, ег al) are likely to be 
ers. Second, any movie featuring Tom Cr 
is likely to have an excellent sound track. 

Take the recent Roin Man (Capitol), 
which boasts a sound track seemingly as- 
sembled by Dustin Hoffman's autistic 
savant character. Odd flashes of 
rilliance (hip, integrated South Afri 
Johnny Clegg and Savuka; rarc oldics such 
as Dry Bones and Еца J 
Last, plus Rob Wass 
incomparable Aaron Neville оп 
are juxtaposed with the slightly ridiculoi 
(a couple of guys from Deep Purple doing 
а ballad and the unfunky Belle Stars stum- 
bling through /ko Iko). Down a notch as a 
film but up a point as an album is The Color 
of Money (MCA), a tasteful blend of new 
material by Don Henley, Mark Knopfler 
and Eric Clapton, plus fine stuff from 

illie Dixon and В. В. King. Finally, 
there's Cocktail (Elektra), easily Cruises 
worst film but best sound track. Forget the 
two number-one singles (Bobby McFerrin's 
Don't Worry, Be Happy and the Beach Boys 
Kokomo). Just check out the rest: John Cou- 
gar Mellencamp recalling а Cajun Buddy 
Holly as he romps through the latter's 
Rave On; the Georgia Satellites tearing up 
the classic Hippy Hippy Shake; the Fabu- 
lous Thunderbirds rocking hard on Power- 
ful Stuff: and Ry Cooder doing a 
deliciously funky take on Elvis’ All Shook 
Up—with Little Richard's original Tutti 
Frutti thrown in for ballast. Program your 
CD player accordingly. 


real 


DAVE MARSH 


No sooner had Bob Dylan made his best 
of the past decade or two with the 

traveling Wilburys than he released Dylan 
& the Dead (Columbia), a live album that 
ranks at the bottom of his work. The al- 
bum contains seven songs, including the 
execrable Joey, two of his interminable 
Christian harangues and an / Want You in 
which he forgets the last verse. The Dead 
arc at least consistent; they remain the 
worst band in creation. 

You want a gi album? ‘Try the 
Country Music Foundation’s reissue of Buck 
Owens and the Buckaroos Live at Carnegie 
Ной, from 1966. Not only are the Bucka- 
roos a f ater rock band than the 
Dead, they prove it here with one of their 
lost masterpieces, the Beatles parody on 
well as outstanding ver- 
sions of all manner of Owens classics. It's 
available from the С.М.Е at Four Music 
ге East, Nashville, Tennessee 37903. 
But why seule for a parody? There's 


Sound tracks: the Cruise factor. 


Gems from the 
movies, the Beatles 
and the Replacements. 


sic out there on a boot- 
leg CD called Duck-track, which includes 27 
tracks, ranging from outtakes of Saw Her 
Standing There and Strawberry Fields For- 
4 masterpieces 


ever to previou 
such as th 


great and revealing. Calling Back-Track 
great barely begins to do it justice; this 
y be the best new music of 1989. 


CHARLES M. YOUNG 


А wondrous marriage of pop. New Age, 
folk and classical sensibilities, Enya's Water 
mark (Geffen) combines gorgeous melodies 
reminiscent of Carl Ог with the gently 
stent beat of of the 
ish folk gre sings 
ic and 
e transla- 


Enya 


ive, 
g by loss and distance. 
About half the songs make me want to ex- 
plore faraway places, and the other half re- 
mind me of the ancient, anonymous pe 
who seemed to be writing in the middle of 
winter about three months afier the 
kings trashed their huts and stole the 
Wha | about, Alfie? No one has 
sked the question more beautifully 
No one has asked that question more 
wrathfully than Lou Reed, whose expand. 
ing political concerns are everywhere in 


evidence on New Yerk (Sire). He hates what 
has happened to his home town at the 
hands of the demagogs, greedheads and 
thugs who run it, and he hates his own lack 
of power to do much for those who have 
bccn crushed by the system. Can anyone 
with a heart to feel and ey 
? No. Is it listenable? Yes. The feel 
nilar to that of Mark Knopfler or Bob 
Dylan. My one quibble is his М 
ckson for anti-Semiti 
'd а hundred times for his 
n” remark. Let him who has 
never said anything stupid in a moment of 
pique cast the first stone. Lou Reed ain't 
that him. 


to sec dis- 


NELSON GEORGE 


с of 19875 biggest disappointments 
imply Red's Men and Women. Unlike 
dark, soul-stirring predecessor, 
1986's Picture Book, Men and Women was 
shiny, slick and unsatisfying. This year’s 


GUEST SHOT 


GUITAR gourmets have swooned over 
Robben Fords blues and jazz licks 
since the mid-Seventies and have 
made no exception for his latest LP, 
alk to Your Daughter.” This month, 
Ford checks out some new rock and roll 
оп “Calm Animals,” the latest from the 
Fix. 


lier 


Reach the Beach. This new 
shares a lot of the same elements— 
i ion, а Kinkslike English 
d, great grooves, unique lead 
singing and guitar playing that 1 
ally respect, with unusual chord 
ngs and а great ргорий 
ergy. But Calm Animals isn't quite 
strong as Reach the Beach. The lyrics 
can be a bit wordy, and its a little 
i cally. I guess it does 
sou contemporary, however, 
and I cant blame them for that.” 


one 


ea 


model, А New Flame (Elektra), returns 
Stewart Levine, producer of the debut al- 
bum, to the board and recaptures the fir 
that made Simply Red а most promising 
integrated English soul band. ИУ Only 
Love, ry White В side, is 


in obscure 


Now your underarms сап һе 
where your head 1s at. 


2i d 
> 
Introducing 
Classic Sport Scent. 


те. 
rile, earthy: Classic Sport Scent. 
oranis and Antiperspirants. 


ELIANE 9a an 
[Je pice as 
p ДЕЛЕ 

WE = 
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When you feel more ай 
You'll find both new 


М 


19 


FAST TRACKS 


ock 


I Christgau 


METER 


Ashford & уут 
Love ог Physicol Si 


Bob Dylan & the 
Grateful Dead 
Dylan & the Deod 


Lou Reed | 
New York 


The Replacements 
Don't Tell с Soul 


w |w [o 


Simply Red | 
А New Flame 


m |O |0 © 
ч јо œ о 
m N œ N 
m m |0 | 


HE'S GOT HIS MOJO WORKING DEPARTMENT: 
Can't we cut Elvis some slack? Guitarist 
Mojo Nixon has a new tune, 6/9-239- 
KING. Ws an actual phone number 
Nixon has set up as the 15 Elvis Alive? 
hotline. Says Mojo, callers can leave а 
message about “the Elvis vibration 
that’s sweeping the nation.” 

REELING AND ROCKING: The Eddie and 
the Cruisers sequel, Eddie and the Cruis- 
ers И: Eddie Lives, is on hold, waiting 
før actor Michnel Pará to re-create his 
Dick St. John, who in the Six- 
tie опе half of Dick end Deedee, has 
written а screenplay about the early 
days of rock called Before the Beatles 
Producer-director Taylor Hackford will 
bring the Ray Charles story to the big 
. If they can get Patrick Swayze 
and Jennifer Grey, producers for the 
ovie Dirty Dancing И will start shoot- 
ing this fall. . .. Riders on the Storm, the 
film bio of the Doors’ Jim Morrison, will 
finally begin production this year. 

NEWSBREAKS: Musicians have started 
to raise big money for AIDS. Huey Lewis 
and the Groteful Dead will headline an 

akland, California, concert, and Rock 
nd a Hard Place, the concert slated for 
June at Radio City Music Hall, will be 
headlined by Guns т Roses. . . . The 
Delia Blues Museum is selling Highway 
GI pins and, for the really hip, it's also 
selling Highway 49 pins. Get both and 
you ha 
bluesman Rebert Johnson. They go for 
ten dollars each from the Delta Blues 
Museum, 114 Delta Avenue, РО. Box 
280, Clarksdale, Mississippi 38614. . 
Miami Sound Machine 15 back in the stu- 
dio recording for a summer release. 
They expect to tour again in the 
fall. . .. Maxie Watts, the mayor of Wink, 
‘Texas, Rey Orbison's home town, is plan- 
ning to erect a monument to the singer 
if his fans chip іп. If you want to chip 


role. 


w 


screen, 


the famous Crossroads of 


in, send donations to The Roy Orbison 
Memorial Monument Fund, Wink 
hamber of Commerce, Box 397, 
Wink, Texas 79789. . .. Fellow ex—Velvet 
Undergrounders Lou Reed and John Cole 
are working on a performance piece 
dedicated to Andy Warhol and plan to 
put it on stage at the Brooklyn 
Academy of Music this year + Todd 
Rundgren's theatrical debut, Up Against 
H. will open at New York's Public The- 
ater т August. Rundgren wrote the 
music and lyrics. . . . Aretha Franklin is 
ng her autobiography . .. The Jef- 
ferson Airplane reunion album and tour 
are a definite go. № word yet on 
whether Morty Bolin will participate. . 

A copy of Bob Dylon's novel Tarantula is 
being offered for sale by а London 
bookseller for $15,000, not because it's 
great prose. The book belonged to John 
Lennon and is inscribed, ro JOHN AND vo. 
YO. LOVE, ВОВ. A rock-and-roll fa 
sy camp that vill provide would-be rock. 
stars with everything but the | 
is being orga 
Gilbert Klein, а San Francisco club own- 
er, came up with the idea after hea 
about baseball fantasy camp. Klein is 
putting together a panel of professional 
musicians to listen to audition tapes and 
, who will be divided 
into five bands and spend a week writ- 
ing, rehearsing and recording demo 
tapes under the supervision of music- 
industry professionals. Camp will close 
with a concert at (he Fillmore. Tapes 
an be sent to Rock 'N Roll Fantasy 
Camp, PO. Box 4601 
94146-0159. If yc 
will cost $3500 fc 


UTE, 
nally, the US. 
usly thinking 
ing aerobic dance exercises 
to be copyrighted. No bending without 
a lawyer! BARBARA NELL 


given а driving, crisp interpretation. Not 
as successful is а cover of the Harold Mel- 
vin & the Bluenotes classic If You Don't 
Knou Me by Nou, on which lead singer 
Mick Hucknall attempts to go groan to 
groan with ex-Bluenote Teddy Pender- 
s and comes up a loser. The highlight 
is Enough, by Hucknall and Crusaders key- 
boardist Joe Sample. А New Flame isnt а 
triumph, but it does confirm that Simply 
Red isnt a one-note wonder. 

Underexposed (Capitol) is an apt title for 
Раш Laurence's second album. This gifted 
writer- as spent most of the 
for Freddie Jackson, 
Stephanie Mills and other pop-soul lumi- 
naries. His previous solo album, Havent 
You Heard, was an uneasy blend of the soft 
soul he'd penned for Jackson, plus Prince- 
influenced funk. On Unde: 
rence leans more on the funk, blendi 
Prince, Sly and hip-hop. Оп such songs 
Make My Baby Happy, Cut the Crap and the 
p parody I'm a Business Man (Kick It 
0), Laurence gets funky in a most cre- 
ative manner. 


ROBERT CHRISTGAU 


Paul Westerberg is geuing kind of old 
for an enfant terrible, so Fm sure that the 
Replacements’ leading light is responding 
toan inner urge rather than Sire Records’ 
siren call. But with its maturing tempos 
and hooky guitar-chime echoes, Don't Tell а 
Soul, the Replacements’ third album for 
Sire, sounds like the commercial compre 
mise their cult began claiming in 19 
Westerberg’s gifts are und hed—hes 
pithy tuneful, raucoi 
though he proved long ago that the le 
ing for wisdom is a winsome thi 
achieving it is harder. Back when he wrote 
songs called Fuck School and Tommy Gets 
His Tonsils Ош and Kiss Me on the Bu 
Westerberg and his careening band made 
adolescent angst not just intelligible but 
g up his ruefully 
j w in Well Inherit the 

Earth and Asking Me Lies or his feclings on 
Achin' to Be and Darlin’ One, he's just pithy, 
tuneful, raucous and sincere. Which is 
plenty, and not enough. 

п age and class, Long Islands De La 
Soul is like the young Replacements. But 
the same pop cuteness and accessibility 
that represent a retreat for the white hard 
core veterans signify an audacious eccen- 
tricity in the black rappers. 3 Feet High and 
Rising (Tommy Boy) is radically unlike any 
rap album you or anybody else has ever 

ү d into 67 
ch, often obscure, 
ilgent. Yes, they write 
songs about their nies" —there's even 
а heavy-breathing int alled De La 
Orgee. But they're also fascinated by child- 
hood and by high school. Treading Water 
features a squirrel, a fish and a crocodile; 
Transmitting Live from Mars samples a 
French lesson. De La Souls totem is the 
daisy. You сап dance to them 


mi 
, Sincere. But al- 


sometimes sel! 


| 
“When | said vodka 
I meant Denaka^ " 


By BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


fe? 


WHA CAN vou reasonably hope for in li 
“Nottoo damn much,” drawls Scou Glenn, 
playing a carnival roustabout, pretty much 
summing up the philosophy and psycholo- 
gy of Firecracker (Corsair). Director 
‘Thomas Schlamme' cheeky film version 
of the off-Broadway hit play The Miss 
Firecracker Contest, by Beth (Crimes of the 
Heart) Henley, is a human comedy with 
heart, high spirits and another flashy per- 
formance by Holly Hunter, a 1988 Oscar 
nominee for Broadcast News. In the role 
she originated on stage, Hunter plays Car- 
nelle Scott, a do-or-die beauty contestant 
with touched-up red hair and a reputation 
as “Miss Hot Tamale,” one of the easiest 
gals in Yazoo City, Mississippi. Carnelle is 
опе of those yaliant losers who are һего- 
ines to author Henley. Her role model is 
her cousin Elaine, a faded Miss Firecrack- 
er of 1972, played with fine, giddy despera- 
tion by Mary Steenburgen. Tim Robbins 
plays another cousin, recently sprung from 
a mental hospital, who finds himself at- 
tracted to a cuddlesome black seamstress 
known as Popeye (Alfre Woodard). All too 
often, the line between character and cari- 
cature is so dim that Miss Firecracker could 
be mistaken for a Tennessee Williams par- 
ody. But in its strongest scenes, Henley's 
unabashed affection for these Southern- 
fried scamps becomes contagious, ¥¥¥ 
. 

Body English is spoken eloquently by 
Aidan Quinn in Crusoe (Island), director 
Caleb Deschanels scenic revisionist re- 
make of the Daniel Defoe classic. Liberties 
are taken in the screenplay by Walon 
Green, which omits Robinson Crusoes 
man Friday but does give him another na- 
tive companion, a warrior played with sav- 
age intensity by England's Ade Sapara. 
The shipwrecked hero here is a Virginia 
slave trader who learns something about 
his own limitations and his own humanity 
before he spiesa billowing sail on the hori- 
zon. Filmed in the Seychelles Islands off 
the east coast of Africa, Deschanels 
leisurely adventure tale is breath-taking 
visually but no real challenge ю the 
Robinson Crusoe starring Dan O'Herlihy 
(whose effort earned a 1954 Best Actor Os- 
car nomination), made by Spain's past mas- 
ter of cinema Luis Buñuel. That's a tough 
act to follow. УУ 


. 

The tide character in writer-director 
Patrick Duncan's 84 Charlie MoPic (New 
Sentury/Vista) is a U.S. Army cameraman 


m. MoPic (played by By- 
rcely seen, though his 
point of view becomes ours, with his bud- 


cry, bleed 


and die right in front of his lens. Using the 


Best of mixed bag this 
month: a hit play on screen, 
another trip to Vietnam. 


camera eye as a character is a risky choice, 
easily undone by self-conscious gimmickry. 
1 wanted to make the most intimate war 
film that could possibly be made,” says 
Duncan, himself a Vietnam veteran. He 
may be а tad late, yer he and his perform- 
ers squeakily beat the odds with a modest 
antiwar movie that is unique, immediate 
nd as gut-grindingly real as an open 
wound. yyy 


. 

Feudin and fussin' take up a lot of sereen 
time in The Winter People (Columbia), а 
homespun Romeo and Juliet saga set in the 
Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina. 
Kurt. Russell and. Kelly Mc play the 
star-crossed couple; he's an outsider, she's a 
spirited unwed mother whose child was 

red by a brute (Jeffrey Meck) from the 
Campbell clan, her family's blood foes. 
You may watch Winter People wondering 
why anyone thought this rugged, melodra- 
с backwoods romance would attract 
the late Eighties. The co-stars 
are foursquarely appealing, even so, with 
nice work by Lloyd Bridges as McGillis' fa- 
ther and Mitch Ryan as the dour Campbell 
chieftain. Ted Kotcheff directed from Car- 
ol Sobieskis adaptation of a novel by John 
Ehle, which I do not intend to read. But if 
you relish roaring country matters, hitch 
on. YY 


. 

Lunacy is played for laughs by The Dream 
Team (Universal), which consists of four 
asylum inmates at large in New York after 
their doctor (Dennis Boutsikaris) vanishes 
while taking them to a ball game. Michacl 


Keaton, Christopher Lloyd, Peter Boyle 
and Stephen Furst are the peerless quartet 
of kooks who begin to get a grip on reality 
when circumstances force them to func- 
Чоп as amateur commandos. Keaton leads 
the pack with the somewhat grudging help 
of a young waitress/actress, deftly played 
by Lorraine Bracco (see “Off Camera”), 
who loved him before he flipped out 
Their common goal is to keep the shrink 
from being rubbed out in the hospital by 
some baaad cops whom he may identify as 
killers. From a screenplay by Jon Connolly 
and David Loucka that just misses being 
insulting about mental illness, director 
Howard Zieff manages to make Manhat- 
tans supposedly normal police, psychia- 
trists, advertising men and sundry 
hot-shots look amusingly and certifiably 
nuts. VYY 


. 

Win or lose, lets Get Lost (Zeitgeist) 
stands tall among 1989 Oscar nominees 
for Best Documentary Feature. Using stills 
and vintage film clips, combined with com- 
pelling footage by producer-director 
Bruce Weber (better known as a world- 
class still photographer), the film is a sad, 
vibrant memorial to jazzman Chet Baker. 
In 1988, when he died in a fall from h 
hotel-room window in Amsterdam, Baker 
was 58—а prematurely aged and wasted 
shadow of the Fifties golden boy he had 
been. Back then, he was the James Dean of 
jazz. His hot trumpet, husky vocals and go- 
to-hell good looks made him a legend so 
electric that Hollywood cooked up a bad 
movie about a musician much like 
(1960's All the Fine Young Cannibals, with 
Robert Wagner on the horn). In words, 
music and interviews, Lets Get Lost sets the 
record straight but doesn’t let hero wor- 
ship dilute this revealing Weber portrait 
of a manipulative but endearing genius 
hooked on drugs, drink and, as one old- 


years with Baker as “like living with Picas- 
so” Under his spell, you can almost believe 
viv. 
. 

One ol the leading characters in Cold 
Feet (Avenue) is a stallion named Infidel 
who has had a cache of stolen jewels surgi- 
cally implanted in his body. Singer-actor 
“Tom Waits plays a gleeful psychopath; Sal 
ly Kirkland, one of his ditzy, sexy partners 
in crime. A third erook, Keith Carradine, 
double-crosses his collcagues and rides off 
with the horse to a Montana ranch owned 
by his brother and sister-in-law (Bill Pull- 
man and Kathleen York, both appcalingly 
normal in very odd company) Waitss 
charmless tongue-in-cheek portrait of a 
pretty well sums up the short- 
comings of this black comedy, which has 
liule wit or any other redeeming quality. 

(continued on page 27) 


my juices flowing 
wihoutten 


milion bucks ard 


omegayadi.. 
wel, dimos. 


SPECIAL AGVERTISING SECTION 


by Doug Schryver 
Publisher, BOATING Magazine 


ver since I've worked al BOATING 

Magazine, I've had the pleasure 

of going places | never dreamed ex- 
isted, aboard boats of all descriptions. 
And while | have enjoyed seeing exotic 
things far from home, | have felt freer, 
more in charge of my destiny, in places 
right next door. That's why my fantasy 
ports of call are a mixture of the foreign 
and the familiar. Also, I want to let you in 
on the same secret I've been telling the 
readers of BOATING the past few years: 
The thrill of adventure is inversely propor- 
tional to the size of the boat. 


FVEFANTAS 


The Great Bank 


For a 'small-boat adventure", my first 
Fantasy Port is the Bahamas. Actually, 
there are thousands of ports in these is- 
lands and, in fact, thousands of islands. 1 
have seen many, and 1 recommend one: 
the island of Bimini, Ernest Hemingway's 
Special place. It is reachable by small 
boat from mainland Florida. 

Back in Papa's day, Bimini was a tiny, 
scrubby chunk of coral and sand stuck 
out on the westernmost rim of the Great 
Bahama Bank. Because it is right on the 
lip, hard by the warm flush of the Gulf 
Stream, its longshore waters teem with 
billfish...marlin, sail, broadbill. In the off- 
season, the shoals of the Bank host huge 
schools of bluefin tuna that come in and 
grazelike buffalo in the warm water. Hem- 
ingway and his crowd ran their boats out 
to Bimini once a year and stayed in small 
beach houses: they lived to fish from the 
island. At night, they drank rum at The 
Compleat Angler and argued ur sang 
loudlyin the street. They got involved with 
the local citizenry; they employed them, 
drank with them, and fought with them. 

Bimini hasn't changed much. The 
Compleat Angler still stands, though the 
rooms aren't as grand as they once were. 
Today. you can stay at the Bimini Big 
Game Club, just a fishing station in Hem- 
ingway's time, but now a thriving modern 
resort. Chalk's Airline, the local seaplane 


service, and other carriers will deliver you 
from civilization, but know that the 20th 
century can still catch up with you viatele- 
phones, computers, and all kinds of other 
modern annoyances. Still, Bimini stands 
out there at the Edge. Marlin still swim in 
the deep blue offing; bonefish still scatter 
around the flats. You can gel there by 
heading almost due east from Miami's 
Government Cut, andyou can do йїп a 25- 


‘SPECIAL ADVERTISING SECTION 


PORTS OF CALL | 


or you can cruise on over like most Wash- 
inglonians do 

The prettiest of the San Juans is Orcas 
Island, at the chain's northern end. The 
two big lobes of rock forming the island 
create East Sound, the region's most 
spectacular harbor. At the harbor's head 
is the town of East Sound, a frontier-like 
village with a dash of New England's 
salt thrown in 


Atugofwaronthewater. 
ite walls of spray. 
And my Johnson outboard. 


Orcas has deep, cool piney woods 
and high, rocky meadows woven with 
wildflowers. The waters around here are 


frigid, even in summer, so wet suits for 
divers and water-skiers are mandatory. 
But the dark water teems with life, espe- 
cially salmon. Nothing beats basting fresh 
salmon over a driftwood fire, then picking 
Over the bones as the moon climbs over 
the Cascades to the east 


footer. That's how I got there last year. 


Islands North 


“The Islands” are the chunks of rock that 
form the San Juan Archipelago, a stone’s 
skip from mainland Washington. You can 
flop your boat on a trailer and ferry there, 


It usually happens just before you pop out of the hole. 
Your breath comes a little quicker. your eyes open a little wider, 
your whole body feels a little more alive. And you get that vision of 
your ski transforming a glass calm lake into plumes of white spray 


Some people call И anticipation. Whatever it is, if it e 


ps 
happening, being out there just won t be the same. 
Nothing should spoil days like these. That's why at Johnson 


Detroit Doesn't 
Know 


There 15 another Michigan. 
Macatawa and Saugatuk. past St Joe 
along the sandy shores of Lake Michigan. 


Asyou run the curving shore on a summer 


morning, the lake is a flat, calmice-sheen 


Fishermen watch you lazily, one eye on 
their downriggers, feeling for the jiggle or 


© 1989. Outboard Marine Cor 


ме design outboards you can depend on. 

Our hot new GT200. for example will give you 
instant starts, and smooth, quiet, V-6 power you can feel 
at both ends of the rope. 

We also offer power steering to make handling а lot 
more responsive. And a lot more fun. 

If you'd like to find out more about this durable 


It is north of 


SPECIAL ADVERTISING SECTION 


snap that means a big lake trout or silver 
king has jumped the bait 200 feet deep in 
the cold blackness. 

As the sun climbs toward noon, you 
round the head at Northport and tuck into 
the small marina there. Northport |s the 
westernmost port of call on the thumb of 
land that juts up from farm-country Michi- 
gan to form Grand Traverse Bay. It is а 
getaway spot for the harried and hard- 


ved Boal supplied by Hycrodyne. ANSA approved. 


and get the name of your nearest 
Johnson dealer. Because making 
waves is a lot more fun when you 


do it with a Johnson. 


= Johnson 


working of Grand Rapids and Detroit and 
Traverse City itself. Chicagoans fly there 
to weekend. If New Yorkers knew about 
Northport, there would be big trouble at 
Woody's Bar. 

The haven of Woody's notwithstand- 
ing. Northport has alot to recommend it: 
namely, its closeness to the bay's sights 
and sounds, its proximity to the big water 
just around the point (forsailors and those 
wishing to “conquer” the westward pas- 
sage to Green Bay and beyond), and its 
nearness to magical Charlevoix. 

Lake Charlevoix isa sinkhole inthe soft 
glacial sand of upper Lake Michigan's 
eastern shoreline. Like Macatawa to the 
south, it is a narrow cut in from the Great 
Lake. Once in, however, you get a quaint 
town with all the comforts, including some 
not-bad pizza (when you're from New 
York, all pizza except John's on Bleecker 
is "not bad"). Farther up the lake, you find 
the boonies. Pines and low swamp coun- 
try stretch away for miles and miles. It 
fcols alot like the great Canadian wastes. 
You can hear the loons at night and in the 
early mornings. And themist comes in low 
al dawn, cradling the sun 


Conch Out 


The original cheeseburger in paradise 
was served here. Just because Jimmy 
Buffet found it doesn't mean he found it 
first. Oh, no, Ernest Hemingway slept 
here, too. So did Tom McGuane. But so 
what. There are plenty of hotel rooms in 
Key West now. 

But you're not staying in a hotel, are 
you? No, you're lucky. You've dropped 
anchor behind the coast guard station or 
across the channel from Mallory Square. 
Or maybe you found that little deep-water 
spot just shoreward of that flat rock to the 
west-southwest of town 

And, you've had a week of perfect 
weather, nothing unusual for the Keys. 
There's the dawn. which comes in all wa- 
tery and filled with light so you can't tell the 
sky from the sea. Then the day gains defi- 
nition and separation, land masses (it you 
can call them that) warming and baking 
andthenbroiling inthe heat. On the larger 


VE FANTASY PORTS OF CALL 


land masses, the new asphalt driveways 
of the condos get soft and mushy until the 
cool sea breeze of the afternoon hardens 
them up again. On the smaller chips of 
coral, pelicans sit motionless until the 
breeze brings them scents of the schools 
moving in offshore 

But Key West isn't the only place down 
here. Islamorada-Marathonand Largoare 
two of the other Keys that make up the 
chain. These are great places with nice, 
quiet nooks and crannies, all washed in 
purilying salt and left to dry in the air. And 
inthe evening, as the sun crashes into the 
sea, you can almost hear it hiss and fizzle 
Nothingis more gratifyingly final than day's 
end in the Florida Keys. 


Al Fresco 


Okay, so one place is actually exotic on 
this brief соок5 tour. You fly to Paris and 
hang a right, or Rome and then a left 
Either way, if you pass Portofino. you've 
missed it 

Actually, Portofino is only a part of it 
You should also include Ste. Margherita 
and Rapallo. These three 


A small boat from modern 
Rapallo, a true Riviera resort 
town, makes Portofino in an 
hour or less of easy running. 
A big, fast express yacht of 
the type common tothis coast 
makes itinminutes. Oncein- 
side Portofino'ssnug harbor, 
one look ashore takes you 
through the entire town. А 
broad stone terrazzo aprons 
the place, cafés spill out into 
the street, noisy flocks danc- 
ing, singing, shouting the ritu- 
als of summer. И is not hard 
to find pleasure in Portofino, 
but for ecstasy, try Ste. 
Margherita 

There, step ashore near the fishmarket 
docks or on the old stone quay that juts 
into the bay forming the artificial harbor 
Walk along the fragrant streets and sit for 
a Caffé latte at a waterfront bar. Dine at 
Ancora, up the back street opposite the 
old quay Then go hack to your boat and 
watch the town fall asleep underthe bright 
est moon you have ever seen, as the sea 
of Ulysses breathes under you. 


Northport is a favorite of both the sailing crowd 
and city-dwellers looking to make a getaway. 


You will note that only in the last port of 
call will most of us need to charter a boat. 
This is easily done with a bit of planning 
and some guidance from your travelagent 
Inthe Bahamas, charters are widely avail- 
able, but the near islands are quite acces- 
sible with the right planning. Everywhere 
elseis easy going for the competent small- 
boat skipper. 

So, study hard. And keep your dreams 
alive. ЕШ 


towns stretch along the east- 
ern shore of the small penin- 
sula that juts out into the Gulf 
of Tigullio about halfway be- 
tween Genoa and La Spezia. 
Portofino, a gem of an an- 
cient fishing village, sits on 
the point, about seven miles 
seaward of Rapallo, which is 
al the edge of the mainland. 
Ste. Margherita is right in be- 
tween. cradled within the big 
bay formed by the crescent 
of the peninsula 

All along the shore the 
roads wander among the cy- 
press trees, amid olive 
groves, between villas and 
farms and tiny villages. At 
the footings of granite lies 
the sea. The Mediterranean, 
dark as Homer's wine, fidg- 
els at the skirt of land, tug- 
ging and prodding it to noise 
and sweet odor. 


‘SPECIAL ADVERTISING SECTION 


Lake Charlevoix, a magical sinkhole in the soft glacial sand of upper Lake Michigan's eastern shoreline, 
boasts miles of swamp country, early morning mists and а quaint town with all the comforts. 


Novelist Tom McGuane wrote it in collabo- 
тайоп with Jim Harrison, and Robert 
Dornhelm directed оп and around 
McGuane's own Montana spread. Looks 
like actors on a dude-ranch holiday, every- 
one having a high old time. Unfortunately, 


Bracco: model career. 


OFF CAME 


Lorraine Bracco, 34, is a striking ex- 
ception to the rule that gorgeous 
models in movies usually become 
cither leading ladies or living statues 
but rarely make it as respected char- 
acter actresses. Bracco accom- 
plished the switch with the same 
panache that got her started model- 
ing as a teenager, when she showed 
up unannounced at Manhattan's ul- 
hic Wilhelmina Agency "I had 
no portfolio, no experience. Wil 
helmina eyed mc and said, Y dont 
know what you've got, kid, but you've 
got something” While workin 
Paris, she met actor Harvey Keitel 
Before long, the two were married 
and she abandoned the world of 
haute couture for that of showbiz. А 
couple of bit roles led to а part in a 
David Rabe play at New York's 
coln Center along with Keitel, M 
donna and Se Penn (“| w 
terrified . . . but whatever you 
hear, they're both kind, giving peo- 
ple”). The play brought her to the at 
tention of an agent, who got her 
tested for her breakthrough 
Tom Berengers beu 
wife in Someone to Watch over Me. 
s-housewife angst stole 


the movie, and Bracco was on her 
way 5 subsequently been cast 
as “a mugged music teacher” in 


Sing, as the addled former love of 
Michael Keaton in The Dream Team 
(sce review), as Al Pacino's ex-wife in 
the upcoming Sea of Love—and has 
just finished “a little gem" of a role 
a film by ttaly’s Lina Wertmüller. 
yg a chameleon, breaking 
ions people have about for- 
mer models who act. ПУ a real 
charge to see yourself on the cover 
of a fashion magazine, but films are 
a more soul-searching experience, 
something you've lived. 


the party mood is seldom contagious, so 
catch Feet first on video, if at all, жи. 
. 

`The plot of Soursweet (Skouras) now and 
then resembles a Chinese puzzle with one 
or two pieces missing. Otherwise, there's 
subtle but solid merit in British director 
Mike Newells lively, exotic. family saga 
about a voung couple from Hong Kong 
trying to make ends meet in contemporary 
London. When Lili and Chen (played by 
Sylvia Chang, a forceful Taiwanese actress, 
and Danny Dun as her fairly wimpish lord 
and master) open a small restaurant in a 
trashy neighborhood, they almost 
ceed. What messes things up is Che 
volvement with drug-dealing thugs and 
gamblers from London's Oriental under- 
world. This plain-spoken slice of life com- 
bines ethnic color and melodrama in an 
un: gly fresh format. жа 

. 

An old-fashioned, sudsy brand of screen 
romance is played once more, with feeling, 
in Echoos of Paradiso (Quartet). Australian 
actress Wendy Hughes, a delicate beauty in 
the Vivien Leigh mode, portrays а neglecı- 
ed homebody who travels abroad to find 
herself and forget the pain and humilia- 
tion of her husbands habitual philander- 
Оп a visit to an exoti land off the 
coast of Thailand, she is seduced first by 
the lushly photogenic scenery, then by а 
handsome young Balinese dancer (John 
Lone, memorable in The Last Emperor). 
Echoes has all the earmarks of paperback 
fiction illustrated with swaying palms, a 
full moon and adulterous embrace: 
tor Phillip Noyce, however, exercises 
such taste and restraint that the screen- 
play's clichés begin to look semiclassic. му 

E 

Three sex-starved | exiraterrestrials, 
their spaceship submerged in a Los Ange- 
les swimming pool become the house 
guests of Geena Davis in Earth Girls Are Easy 
(Vestron). Before they can make out, the 
sitors—vaguely resembling vegetables in 
primary colors—require make-overs at a 
nearby beauty salon. Jeff Goldblum (Davis 
real-life husband since they co-starred іп 
The Fly) plays а spaceman named Mac in 
this trendy, glitzy screwball comedy that is 
inconsistent but easy to take. “You guys are 
so lucky you landed in the Valley!” chortles 
one enchanted earth girl. Get the picture? 
England’s Julien Temple directed it with 
knowing nonchalance. ¥¥¥2 

. 

Nicole Kidman, who looksas if she could 
be perfectly cast as Sigourney Weaver's kid 
siste an actress with 
obvious star potential. Except for her 
emphatic screen presence, Dead Calm 
(Warner) goes nowhere fast. Co-starring 
with Sam Neill in this Australian-made 
shocker, Nicole is abducted, beaten, terror- 
ized and ravished by a mad, mad hijacker 
(Billy Zane) who dupes her husband (Neill) 
into leaving his moody young wile unpro- 
tected aboard their yacht at sea. You may 
gel seasick. ¥ 


MOVIE SCORE CARD 


capsule close-ups of current films 
by bruce williamson 
The Adventures of Boron Munchausen 
(Reviewed 4/89) A cockeyed wonder, by 
‘Terry Gilliam. vum 


Bert Rigby, You're а Foo! (5/89) Small-scale 
musical with a big-time performance by 


Britains dandy Robert Lindsay ww 
Chances Are (5/89) Cybill scores as a wid- 
ом courted by her late husband, гей 
carnated as Robert Downey, fr. vw 
Cold Feet (See review) Game cast of 
clowns, but rigor mortis has setin. Ya 
Crusoe (5сс review) Shipwrecked again, 
with Aidan Quinn as Robinson. — 44% 
Dead Calm (Sce review) Film flotsam. Y 
The Dream Team (Sec review) Scre 
loose fugitives take Мапһаца E 
Earth Girls Are Easy (See review) At least 
for sexy spacemen in L.A. wh 
Echoes of Paradise (Sce review) Many- 
splendored idyl for a mad housewife. vy 
84 Charlie MoPic (See review) Vietnam 


in close-up, and you are there. vw 
Farewell to the King (4/89) Nolte dons а 
sarong to rule restless natives. wu 


For Queen and Country (4/89) After Ше 
Falklands war, Denzel Washington gets 
а cold welcome back to England. sv 
High Hopes (4/89) True Brit social satire 
with a fine cutting edge. viv 
Jacknife (5/89) De Niro loses his post- 
"Nam GI hives with Kathy Baker ұу 
Lawrence of Arabia (5/89) Awesome 
desert spectacle starring Peter O'Toole 

a masterly all-time classic. жузуу 
Lean оп Me (5/89) Edu g hard cases, 
Morgan Frecman ea rdom. УУУ 
Let's Get Lost (Sec review) Haunting film 
bio of å man with а horn. WA 
Little Vera (5/89) Youthful angst in the 
U.S.S.R. ing our May cover girl, 
Natalya Negoda, asa sexy rebel. жуз 
Miss Firecracker (See review) A beauty 
pageant deep in the heart of Dixie. yvy 
New York Stories (Listed only) A trio of. 
comedies by Scorsese, Coppola and 
Allen. Mediocre but for Woodys 
Oedipus Wrecks, a wildly funny take on 
motherhood. u 
Scandal (5/89) Party girls and randy big- 
wigs knock 1963 Britain on its саг. Ууу 
See You in the Morning (1/89) jell Bridges 
and Alice Krige romancing the second 
time around, blandly. Ww 
Slaves of New York (Listed 5/89) Bits and 
pieces of Tama Janowitz’ already-patchy 
novel, with Bernadette Peters gamely 
striving to make it work. LI 
Soursweet (Sec review) Cooking up 
trouble for London's Chinese. wa 
The Winter People (Sec review) Mountain 
mating rituals in cold blood. v 


жузуу Outstanding. 
Yyyy Dont miss эз Worth а look 
ууз Good show ¥ Forget it 


VIDEO 


ПОЗЕ 


As he does іп his 
stand-up act, comedi- 
an Lowie Anderson 
feeds his VERS ("I 
have four of them— 
one for each TV") a 
balanced diet of both 
the silly and the 
significant. "I like 
movies that deal with reality—that make you 
look deep inside yourself. Like Dominick and Et- 
gene—that's about real feelings, real people; 
and Big is great because it combines the ушш 
of being an adult with the dreams of 
child. Being There is a summation of how simple 
and difficult life is, and Blue Velvet is extraordi- 
nary—the sort of movie | might watch with 
someone else, but not with Dennis Hopper." For 
lighter viewing, Anderson chooses early John 
Hughes—Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast 


Club—“and, of course, I love Casablanca,” he 
adds. “You can watch that alone or with a thou- 
sand people and still feel the same way each 
time.” — LAURA FISSINGER 


VIDEO SLEEPERS 
good movies that crept out of town 
Bronco Billy: In this 1980 comedy, Clint 
Eastwood mocks his image and stretches 
his talents as a cowboy headliner who runs 
a hokey wild West show. 
The Diary of а Chambermaid: Subtitled 


jump st 


French erotica, vintage 1964, trom Spanish 
master Luis Buñuel. Still pretty heady 
stuff, with superstar Jeanne Moreau at her 
peak as a servant enamored of a sex killer. 
Prick Up Your Ears: Gary Oldman is hypnotic 
as the late British playwright Joe Orton, 
who was boy-crazy, Morocco-bound and 
murdered by his jealous lover. A 1 bitchery 
by Vanessa Redgrave as Orion's wry agent. 
Runaway Train: Japans Akira Kurosawa 
wrote it. Jon Voight and Егіс Roberts co- 
маг as a pair of crazed convicts on the 
rails, with comely Rebecca ПеМогпау 
along for the hair-raising ride. Hold tight. 

— BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


VIDEO FIX-ITS 


Listen up, guys. You don't have to pump up 
your biceps or perfect your backhand to 
impress the woman in your life. Instead, 
fix her leaky faucet, build her some book- 
shelves, tune her car—these are the manly 
arts about which she'll brag to her friends. 
Here аге a few fix-it videos to help you 
hammer your way into her heart. 

Get the Basics (Morris): Be your own auto 
mechanic. This саг-саге video covers еу- 
erything from flat tires to oil changes and 
. Get your hands dirty—re- 
member, grease monkeys finish first 
Home Repair (Random House): When 
things go wrong at home—and they аһ 
do—you are there. The tape comes with a 
manual and guides you through basic 
plumbing and electrical repairs and also 
teaches you how to replace a broken win- 
dow (especially helpful if you were the one 
who broke it). 


Midnight Run (Robert De Niro as bounty hunter, Chorles 
Grodin as his scene-steoling prey; achingly funny); Moon 


WANT TO LAUGH 


over Parador (Dreyfuss impersonates Latin-American dic- 


tator; hommy and wry); Married to the Mob (madcap 
Mafia spaat—The Godfather was never like this). 


Spontaneous Inventions (dazzling performance from 
‘one-man jazz band Bobby McFerrin); All-Star Swing Fes- 
tival (live from Lincaln Center with Ella, the Duke, Basie, 
Gillespie and the gang); All That Jazz (Bob Fosse bitter, 
brilliant regards to Broadway; slick and sassy). 


Jewels of the Triple Crown (vid tribute to the TI steeds 
that pulled off horse racing's hat trick); Live and Drive the 


WANT SOME ACTION 


Indy 500 (high-speed highlights; you sit behind the 


wheel); Force 10, Sail the Gorge (50-Кпо! windsurfing ac- 
tion from the Columbia River Gorge) 


George Burns: 


lis Wit and Wisdom (a day in the life of 


the world's hippest nonagenarian, including live on-stage 


FEELING OLD 


footage); Grampa's Monster Movies (classic fright-film 


trailers hosted by Al Lewis, a.k.a. Grampa Munster); Co- 
сооп (senior citizens meet pod people). 


is Old House (Crown): Now that you've 
ired your house, it's time to improve it. 


re] 
Learn from PBS’ Bob Vila how to 


big and small restoration projects, such as 
alling track lighting, insulating the at- 
ng the chimney. 

it best bets: Installing a Lock- 
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BOOKS 


By DIGBY DIEHL 


SHOWBIZ moczapiy is traditionally а dis- 
gusting form of literary necrophagia 
What puts two new biographies a cut above 
the grave robbers is that they concentrate 
on the work (as opposed to the “intimate, 
sonal lives”) of two extraordinary men. 
Orson Welles has been called a genius so 
often it seems like his middle name. Bu 
Frank Brady's Citizen Welles (Scribner's) is 
the first book in the huge Welles bibliog: 
phy to thoroughly document that claim. 
Brady begins with Welless childhood the- 
апіса feats as a prodigy at the Todd 
School in Illinois, he chronicles in detail 
the triumphs as both actor and director 
in hundreds of radio, stage and moti 
picture productions and he continues 
unflinchingly through the pathetic later 
years of guest shots, voice-overs, commer- 
cials and long lunches ar Ма Ma 
Suipped of gossip and explorations of 
his vast, fascinating psyche, Welles and his 
remarkably prolific career are awe-inspir 
ing. Brady reminds us that even without 
the films, Welles would be remembered for 
his innovative Mercury Theater. produc- 
tions. Brady's well-rescarched descriptions 
of the planning and execution of master- 
pieces such as The Magnificent Ambersons, 
The Lady from Shanghai and Mr. Arkadin 
inspire new appreciation for the director's 
careful artistry, Most significantly, howev- 
en in fewer than 100 pages, Brady provides 
a comprehensive—perhaps definitive—ac- 
count of the making of Citizen Kane 
Despite this testimony to Welless cre- 
ative contributions, at the end of this book, 
Brady is forced to confront the inevitable 
haunting question: “What happened to all 
that youthful promise?” He answers: 
“Since he seemed to start at the top, or at 
least arrive there with early and startling 
speed, Orson's problem was that whenever 
he accomplished anything later in his са- 
reer that was less than overwhelmingly 
magnificent, he was said to be slipping." 
Another figure who often loomed big 
ger than life (sometimes more than 300 
pounds) both on stage and off has been 
captured іп Zere Mestel (Atheneum), by 
Jared Brown. Like Brady, Brown never 
met his subject. Samuel Joel Mostel began 
as a painter who was sustained by the 
WPA, became a night-club comic and had 
established himself as a successful come- 
dian and character actor before being ac- 
cused of Communist sympathies by the 


House Un-American Activities Committee 
in 1952. 


Brown details Mostel’s tragic 
ng that derailed the actor's per- 
sonal and professional life; he was vir 
ally forgotten until Burgess Meredith 
bravely cast him in a 1958 off-Broadway 
production of Ulysses in Nightlown. 

With dramatic effect, Brown recounts 
how Mostel oyercame both the blacklist 


No biz like showbiz bios. 


Welles, Mostel 
loom larger than life 
in two new biographies. 


and a devastating accident to return to 
Broadway and Hallywood—and mph 
He won Tony awards in 1961 (Rhinoceros). 
1963 (A Funny Thing Happened on the Way 
lo the Forum) and 1965 (for his long-run- 
ning performance as Tevye in Fiddler on 
the Roof ) and starred with Gene Wilder in 
The Producers. Brown's biography rekin- 
dles our enthusiasm for this complex and 
immensely talented theatrical rhinoceros. 

Two novels of ethnic experience look 
like contenders for the best fiction of 1989. 
Alice Walker, who won the 1983 Pulitzer 
Prize for The Color Purple, returns with a 
multilayered love story that swirls through 
black history The Temple of My Familiar 
(Harcourt Brace Jovanovich) is а book of 
contemplations and emotions. A lot hap- 
pens in the minds of the six main charac 
ters, and in their minds, they travel far in 
К and Miss 
Shug from Purple make reappearances 
(don't miss “The Gospel According to 
Shug”), but this book is a far greater imagi 
native leap into the vast uncharted territo- 
ries of the human heart. 

Maxine Hong Kingston's two earlier 
nonfiction books—The Woman Warrier 
and China Men—gave us an intimate tour 
of Chinese-American life. Her first novel, 
Tripmaster Monkey: Fake Book (Knopf), 
the adventures of Wittman Ah 
Sing—playwright, Chinese-American hip 
and picaresque hero—through San Fran- 
o in the full blossom of the Sixties 
power revolution. Like her earlier 
it has a wonderful verbal rhythm, a 


Chinese "talk-story" momentum that pro- 
pels us from one wild, funny episode to 
another. Like Walker, Kingston embraces а 
large chunk of her heritage, but it is done 
differently—with a lighthearted th 
flair that reaches a knockout Chinese 
fireworks climax. There was never any 
doubt that Kingston would eventually 
write fi id this one is 
well worth having waited for. 

John Hersey, now 75, is a remarkable 
writer who has written some fine fiction (17 
novels) and also some of the most forceful 
and affecting nonfiction of our time. In 
this new collection of profiles, Life Sketches 
(Knopf), he is impressive in his sweep of 
is empathetic wisdom and his un- 
g journalistic eve. Creating precise 
portraits of people as diverse as John Е 
Kennedy, Lillian Hellman, Harry S. Tru- 
man, James Agee, Henry К. Luce and Sin- 
clair Lewis, he demonstrates the kind of 
mastery that takes a long lifetime to achieve. 

‘Iwo delightful tributes to the bottle 
grace our bartops this month. Barnaby 
Conrad 111 explores the cultural history of 
an infamous elixir in Absinthe: History in а 
Bottle (Chronicle), The only alcoholic bey- 
erage that has been outlawed virtually 
world-wide has a colorful, mythic рая 
(most celebrated by French impressionists) 
thar makes one yearn for that fatal first 
taste. Conrad's book is a classic, if only for 
recalling the marvelous line “Absinthe 
makes the tart grow fonder.” Its compan- 
ion volume is Christopher Finch's Beer: А 
Connoisseur's Guide to the World's Best (Abbe- 
ville), an extravagantly illustrated study of 
suds that will warm the hi 
beer drinker almost as much as a six-pack 
of Pilsner Urquell. As much as I admire 
Finch's diligent research (who else would 
have discovered the Victoria West Brewery, 
hidden in 5) aker's Brew Pub in Victo- 
ria, British Columbia?), I urge him to rush 
to Juneau, Alaska, for some Chi 
ber beer, so that he can include it among 
the best in his next edition. 


ional stories for ш 


1 of a serious 


ook am- 


BOOK BAG 


My Life with the Pros (Dutton), by Bud 
Collins: Thirty-four years ago, no writer at 
the Boston Herald wanted to cover profes- 
sional tennis, save the author of this mem- 
оп. Collins serves up an асе of a history 
about the sport that he helped make a 
household word. 

The Munchkins Remember: The Wizard of Oz 
and Beyond (Dutton), by Stephen Cox: Meet 
the men and women who hold the perpet- 
ual citizenship papers of Munchkinland. 
A behind-the-scenes glimpse of the little 
people who made such a large contribution 
to the classic movie. Warning: If you still 
believe in Santa Claus, take a pass. 


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34 


SPORTS 


І have an idea that the people who run sin- 
gles ads in these give-away weeklies, 
which have names like Beach Gazette, 
Reflections and Folio, are not having much 
luck because none of them seem to be sports 
Jans. I'm certainly not antifucking, but isn't 
there a place for Wimbledon, or a Yan- 
kee—Red Sox series, от a Notre Dame-USC 
game in their lives? 

I submit the following suggestions for ads 
and wish everybody good huntmg! 


WRITE TO ME 

Single white female, 35, seeks profes- 
sional man, humorous, adventurous, high- 
principled, with a dick like an outside 
linebacker's. Box 7417 


LAUGHTER LOVER 


Fantastically funny white male, 32, re 
quires friendship with delusional schi 
ophrenic who follows Chicago Cubs and 
has body of goddess. I am very much into 
pain. Box L440. 


SOCCER FAN 


Europcan-born white male seeks slim, 
attractive, honest, sensuous lady for ro 
mantic relationship leading to marriage 
Prefer Hispanic or Arabic descent and 
h World Cup history 


NEED NYMPHET 


Man born to life of crime desires fetch- 
nymphet with poor memory and 
knowledge of six-point teasers in college 
football. Send photo. Box A998, 


SEX SLAVE 


Morally corrupt woma 
carcer oriented, smoker, social drinker, 
seeks married man who is a gentleman in 
public, deviate in private. Must be fan of 
Dallas Cowboys. Box M763. 


2, intelligent, 


DIVORCED MALE 


lam 62 yearsold, very wealthy, pleasant, 
outgoing and sensitive. My dream is to 
mect a nonprofessional female, preferably 
under 50, who enjoys dining out, good 
and buying football players for Notre 
. No photo required. Box B688. 


Dam 


NEW TO AREA 


White male just turned 40, but 1 look 
younger. I am physically fit, nonsmoker, 
nondrinker, nonreader, nontalker but vi- 
tally interested in making it with a woman 


By DAN JENKINS 


GETTING 
PERSONALS 


instead of some rather beastly tennis pros 
whose names I won't mention. Вох №130. 


ATTRAGTIVE BLONDE 


Educated, romantic, sexy woman, 52, 
seeks handsome silver-haired gentleman 
to pamper and spoil, provided he is a 
three-handicapper from the back tees and 
has season tickets to Masters. Box M980. 


FUTURE LOTTERY WINNER 


Tam not quite middle-aged, not quite di- 
vorced and not quite financially solvent, 
but I keep a hard-on throughout football 
season and most of basketball season and 
would like to share it with a fun-loving 
blonde under 30 who believes in the fu- 
lure. Preference given if your name is 
Mel Вох C221 


JEW BEGINNER 


Single white female with sparkling eyes, 
under 30, must meet this wonderful man 
who wants to provide home and family like 
the Waltons and enjoys the wonder of life's 

s. Take a chance on a dream. 
points over Ala- 


FORGOTTEN LADY 


Yes, I do exist. I am 29, blonde, tr 
vivacious, a dancer, smoker, drinker, dop 
head and collector’s-edition nympho, but I 
am tired of sucking cock in the American 


League West and wish to settle down to 
simple friendship and dating. Box E776. 
COMPLETELY FREE 

Single male who has undergone sex ор- 
eration wishes relationship with normal 
human being. I am 36, unselfish, respect- 
ful, resourceful, affectionate, generous 
and willing to adjust to any situation. Very 
experienced, stemming from seven years 
on the ladies golf tour. Both men and 
women are invited to respond. Box D888. 


SAUCY AND JUICY 


That's how Ilike'em. Thats what T'mall 
about. Grab hold of this 287-pound, 68" 
offensive lineman and take а little trip to 
heaven. Call weekdays between nine and 
six while my wife is at work, ог during 
church on Sundays. Box T987. 


HI, BIG BOY 


Need a valve job? Lam 43, single, blonde, 
n, love the beach, and my tit job worked 
fine the third time around. I like stock 
cars, Formula 1, Indy, Daytona, Darling- 
ton, you name it. 1 have a valid passport 
and strongly favor abortion. No need to 
send photo—I play the cards that are dealt 
in this old world. Box F100 


BORED TO DEATH 


Man, 98, reclusive, ill health, jobless, 
light eater, seeks companionship with 
woman willing to change TV channel 
from ESPN to any other sports event, ex 
cept equestrian. Very tired, unable to 
move from sofa at present time. No sex in- 
volved. Box M446. 


SPORTS CRAZY 


My name is Loretta. I am 31 and in the 
prime of my life, and Lam ready to put this 
town behind me. If that means going off 
and leaving my husband and three kids, so 
be it. Dont none of ‘em know the differ- 
ence between a curve ball and a slider. 
Write Baseball Bonnie, Box |881. 


TALLIN SADDLE 


Man 6710", capable of reverse, hang- 
time, slam dunk, into recreational drugs, 
seeks companionship with all good-look- 
ing bitches under 21. Send photos. I ain't 
terested no motherfucking grand- 
mothers, you hear this shit? Box F101. 


©1988 The Gillette Company 


Lesson number опе 
in the social graces: 
Never be offensive. 


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МЕМ 


Р ul was a hell of a kid,” Joseph Kin- 
ney says of his younger brother. “He 
was a fourth grader when I was in Viet- 
пат. His school class adopted me and my 
fellow grunts. We were their heroes. The 
sent us letters and drawings and small 
gifts. I was thirteen thousand 
from those kids, but every time 1 got a 
package from them, they reminded me 
that there was something left to live fc 

Kinney looks like a dark-haired Huck 
Finn, and his biography ts that of an all- 
American male. He was born in 1949 
Joplin, and raised in Wichita, 
Kansas icd from public high 
school in 1967 and immediately enlisted in 
the Marine Corps. In the fall of 1968, he 
was sent to Vietnam as an infantryman. 

On the evening of July 9, 1969, Kinney 
deployed on a night ambush. “I knew I 
going to be wounded that night,” he 
says. “We were near An Hoa. The М.У 
turned the tables on us and we were am 
bushed. They hit us hard and we lost sever- 
al men. I was hit in the right leg and the 
right chest cavity. [ remember telling the 
corpsman I couldn't breathe. 

“They finally got me out of there by 
medevac. When 1 was carried into the op- 
erating room, a priest asked me if | want- 
ed the last rites. Then one of the corpsmen 
handed me a rock, told me to squeeze it as 
hard as 1 could, and they put in my chest 
tubes. That hurt like hell." 

Like many Vietnam veterans, Joe Kin- 
ney came back from that war wounded 
body and spirit, but he was also deter- 
mined to create a good life for himself. 

“I got very close to Paul again. He was 
like a son to me. We spent a lot of time to- 
gether. And I set a goal for myself. | want- 
ed to learn how that war happened. 
Vietnam was such а stupid mistake. I'm 
not talking about morals or ethics here. 
Um talking about strategy and tactics. 1 
wanted to find out how something that 
dumb could happen at the national level.” 

Kinney went to college. then to graduate 
school, ended up with a master’s degree in 
public administration from Syracuse Un 
pm there, he went to Washing- 

ind held a series of jobs. first 
Accounting Office, then 
ssional aide. He wa 
made from the in- 
Iding his life. 


s a Congr 
how national policy w: 
side. He was also rebu 

On July 5, 1986, something happened 


Paul Kinney was involved in an industrial 
accident. A scaffold collapsed under him 
while he was stringing fireworks for an In- 


By ASA BABER 


OUT OF 
THE ASHES 


dependence Day celebration in Denver. He 
fell about 30 feet and was badly injured. It 
was almost 17 years to the day that Joseph 
had been hit in Vietnam. 

“I remember how much I was shaking as 
I walked into the trauma center to find my 
brother,” Kinney says. "The place remind- 
ed me of the hospital at Da Nang. I had a 
real flashback. 

“Paul was on a life-support system. My 
dad kept saying that he was going to pull 
through because his color was good, but 1 
knew it was over. I got my parents out of 
there, then I stayed with Paul and watched 
him die. It was July 7, 1986, 11:15 ем. I lost 
asonand a brother at the same time. 

"The next morning, I had 
packed for Kansas, but first 1 wanted to go 
to the firehouse and thank the paramedics 
who had assisted at the accident. I talked 
to those guys and to the fire captain. 

“I have this feeling that you're not 
telling me everything you know about the 
accident,’ I finally said. 

“Your brothers death was a disaster 
waiting to happen, the captain said. 

“h turned out that the fire captain had 
been a masonry contractor and had erect- 
eda lot of scaffolding. He started to list the 
hazards: The scaffold had not been 
plumbed and the support wire was four 
teen gauge. which was 100 thin for the sup- 
port it was supposed to give. 


bags 


“At that moment, for me, my brother's 
accident turned into reckless homicide. 1 
was determined to find out exacily what 
had happened and to push for better in- 
dustrial protection for all workers, | had 
seen so many men die in vain, and I was 
not going to allow Paul's death to be a 
waste. People were telling me to seule 
down, that it vas Gods will, that death was 
rt of life, and I just wouldnt have any 


“L personally interviewed the head of 
the Occupational Safety and Health Ad- 
ministration іп Washington and got the 
run-around for two hours. As I was leaving. 
his office, I turned and said, I will spend at 
least thirty hours a week for the next ten 
years on the subject of industrial safety 
That statement came to me out of the blue, 
but I meant it 

Mean it he did. Kinney is now spending 
almost all of his time on this subject. With 
a few small grants and a lot of energy, he 
has founded the National Safe Workplace 
Institute in Chicago. He arm-wrestles with 
Government bureaucrats on a daily basis, 
trying to get information, challenging 
public assumptions about industrial safety, 
unching his own investigations. Among 
other things. he is currently examining 
the Deep Tunnel project in Chicago, a 
project that has taken the lives of ten men 
during an estimated 15,000,000 man- 
hours of labor (by comparison, the Wash- 
ington, D.C., subway system has gone 
about 20,000,000 man-hours since its latest 
fatality). 

“Right now,” Kinney says, “the world is 
pretty much asleep on this issue of indus- 
al safety. I find myself outraged som 
times when no one else seems to be 
Between 1971 and 1987, 142,000 workers 
were killed in industrial accidents. Few, if 
any, employers have gone to jail for any re- 
lated infractions. The cost in lives and dol- 
lars is tremendous. We've got to wake up 
and make the workplace safer. 

In the last conversation Joseph had with 
Paul, they discussed the subject of father- 
ing. Paul kidded his older brother about 
that. “Boy, E feel sorry for any kid yo 
have,” he joked. “He'll never have a 
chance.” There was alfection, laughter and 
unconditional lov 

On January Ч. 1987, Joseph Kinney and 
his wile, Andree, had a son. 

They named him Раш-( 


ғ 


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42 


WOMEN 


i I heres something we have to talk 

about. I thought it was all settled 
years ago, 1975 maybe, when men and 
women were in the throes of ironing ош 
their differences. Way before we figured 
они who opened the door for whom, who 
got to call whom for a date, whose orgasm 
was most important, I thought wed al- 
ready sorted out the money thing. 

I was on the phone with this guy recent 
ly This guy is so smart and successful; he 
is at the top of his profession, and his pro- 
fession demands the utmost perception 
about human relationships. So you could 
have knocked me over with a bean sprout 
when he said, “I think when women went 
i ss, men felt a great loss.” 


0, 


а joke?" I asked. “Whats the 
punch line?” 
“No, listen,” he said urgently. “I dom 


think men will ever recov 
blow.” 

“When you say business, do you mean 
ke executive women, like Wall Street 
bankers and such, the ones who dress in 
suits and seem hard and cold and not what 
you'd consider 

“No,” he said. 
ness.” 

“You mean women just generally work- 
ing for a living? Like... me, even?" 

“I shouldn't have brought this up. I dont 
mean anything.” 

1 want to know. Tell." 

“Well,” he said, “1 think men want to 
care for women. Take care of them. ИЗ 
very important to us. We deeply mis 

“What do you miss, our subservience? 
Your being in control? I dont get it, W| 
do you miss" 

“1 dont know!" he wailed, and I felt my 
heart break into a million pieces. 

Listen, I told him. It is my new policy to 
tell men things without anger, because 
anger begets anger; and this guy, well, this 
y who was telling me the truth 
їс want to hear. 

"his breaks my heart," I said, “because 
the very thing that 1 need most, that 1 
could never give up, that is most essential 
to my existence is the very thing that hurts 
you, that causes a deep and insurmount- 
able rift between us. I need to take care of 
myself. I need to be financially independ- 


; it was really а 


I mean all kinds of busi- 


h, God, de 
he asked. 
But he knows. [see it all over the place. 
I see it in the faces of men when I'm 
standing at the bus stop at night. If a 


en to me; what do I 


By CYNTHIA HEIMEL 


TAKE A CAREER 
WOMAN, PLEASE 


woman stands at the bus stop at night in 
Manhattan, she looks vulnerable and 
financially needy. I stand there and am 
amazed to notice the sharp interest men 
take. They dont lecr. Their faces say, "I 
want to know you. Maybe you're the one 
for me.” It’s very weird. И I am instead 
hailing a cab, they dont even see me; I 
don't exist. 

And I see it in the lives and the relation- 

ships of friends and acquaintances. Get а 
job, your husband hates you. Get а good 
job, your husband leaves you. Get a stu- 
pendous job, your husband leaves you ога 
teenager. 
Oh, don't mutter. Maybe not you. Men 
re all different. Some men positively 
ve and grow sleek on their women's 
success. But more and more, men's resent- 
and anger are rearing their ignoble 
This is not exactly what Г had in 
nd for 1989. 

I vaguely understand how men feel. I 
get a small dose of it when I consider my 
kid. He's growing up and away from me, 
becoming independent, as he should. But, 
of course, I hate it. I hate losing him. I 
want the familial bond 


separation. a tiny voice in my brain says, 
“But, babe. you hold the purse strings— 
he's totally dependent” And my brain 
breathes а small, ugly sigh of relief. He has 
to stick by me. 


it that men (not you, surely) ai 
of losing us? Afraid that well just pick 
ourselves up and run off when we start get- 
ting a regular pay check? Does it cause 
tense insecurity? That seems reasonable 
We want to bind those we love to us by any 
means we can, fair or foul. And it can easi- 
ly happen that а woman with finaneial in- 
dependence will run off, for any number 
of good or bad reasons, so I understand 
such а mans feelings. 

Nevertheless, I want to explain my own. 
It would be easier if you went to а video 
store and rented His Girl Friday. This 
movie is а tolal wit fest, pure entertain- 
ment; I've seen it at least 20 times. It con- 
cerns an ace reporter, Hildy, who wants а 

"normal" life, so she's quitting her job and 
marrying Ralph Bellamy But somehow, 
just as she is leaving, she is embroiled in 
опе last story. She can't help herself; the 
story, involving murder, is too good to re- 
sist. At a crucial moment, just when she 
must geton the u ай with her fiance or fin- 
feit all, Hildy sees the sheriff, who has cs- 
sential information. She goes after him. 
He runs ам She runs after him and, 
th a giant leap, grabs him around the 
legs and tackles him. 

Now, this is a great comedic moment; 
viewers piss themselves laughing. Not me. 
1 burst into tears every time. 

Do you see? She can't help herself, she 
has to do a good job! Even deeper than her 
need for normalcy, for marriage, is that 
wellspring of commitment to the work she 
loves. Instinct takes over and she runs li 
a gazelle. 

АП human beings, even women, have а 
deep need to perform their work with as 
much creativity and competence as they 
can muster. It fulfills us; we feel complete 
and satisfied. Work can be housekeeping 
and child rearing—convenient for all con- 
cerned. It can be selling junk bonds, Any- 
thing. (Listen, when 1 what [ 
consider a good joke, I feel the adrenaline 
rush from my toes to the top of my head.) 

A human being who is deprived of her 
work, her destiny, becomes despondent. 
She ends up wearing her pajamas all day. 

So when а woman goes to work, try not 
10 take it personally. We do it not to hurt 
men, nor to take something from them. Ivs 
not about men at all. We do it because wi 
have to. 


write 


ТҮТТҮ? 


'Tossed out of the best bars everywhere. 


THE РГАҮВОҮ ADVISOR 


Were does one carry a condom so that 
he's prepared in case а too-good-to-pass- 
up opportunity presents itself? А wallet 
scems to be a poor storage place. So does a 
pocket in a pair of trousers. Keeping con- 
doms in a vehide's glove box would put 
them closer tha rest drugstore but 
g them stashed 
omewhere on or near my person. [ve 
been pleasantly surprised often enough on 
first dates that I'd like to have condoms 
available, without their being conspicuous 
in case nothing happens. Any suggestions 
of places to carry them? How about a com- 
iess-card case and condom 
h a thing?—]. S., Hofl- 


man Estates, Il 

We have seen school ties with little pockets 
on the back for condoms, Jockey shorts with a 
little watch pocket for a condom and cus- 
tomized jewelry (condom earrings, condom 
watch fobs). Usually, these are sold as novelty 
items at sex shops. If you are looking for a 
tasteful carrying case, why not convert a 
cigarette case or old pocket watch? Ov hollow 
out the heel of your shoe (а great way to smug- 
gle condoms into prison, where they're need- 
ed). We know someone who carries condoms 
in the leather sheath where he used to carry а 
Buck knife, though it does tend to destroy the 
line of his tux. The obvious solution is to take 
your date back to your place for а nightcap. 
Or be gentlemanly enough to suggest safer 
forms of sex—a feu hours of oral sex, touch- 
ing each other or playing spin the vibrator. 
Not having a condom doesn't rule ош sex, 
Just intercourse 


АЛ, college roommate hooks his 
turntable and cassette deck to a small gu 
ar amplifier. He argues that if you really 
want to reproduce the sound of a concert 
in your living room, you should use the 
ame amps the guys in your favorite band 
Is he nuts?—E. E, New York. New 


No, just brain dead. An artist puts a sound 
through his amp to produce sound A—with 
all the little quirks of distortion that life on 
the road, spilled beer and the occasional swift 
hick can create, The studio takes that signal 
and puts it on tape, so that when you play it 
bach on your sound system, your speakers can 
mbroduce sound A. If you put it back through 
the same amp, you are adding distortion to 
the original distortion. It may get your friend 
off, but its not quite the sound the artist wants 
you to hear, Save the amp for live perform- 
ances; trust your components for recorded 
ones, 


A friend and I were talking about the 
mile-high club. She wants to make love to 
her boyfriend in his private plane. I said 
that I didn't think private planes counted 
toward membership in the club, What do 
you say? Is membership in the mile-high 


club earned from any intimate episode in 
aircraft, or just in commercial air 
ers? Also, what sexual acts grant member- 
ship? 1 maintain that it's only intercourse 
that counts. If you manage to get into some 
heavy petting or oral sex, does that count 
toward membership or just give you mem- 
bership in the half-mile-high club?—Miss 
S. J., Chicago, Illinois. 

lt strikes us that the people who own pri- 
vate airplanes dont need to belong to clubs 
And as for the standards of the mile-high 
club, certain things seem obvious. You don't 
gain membership by making an obscene 
phone call from an in-flight telephone. You 
don't gain membership by obtaining an or 
gasm solo (the airline has other uses for those 
emergency bags). Beyond that, il seems point 
less to distinguish among orgasms. Why 
would а couple who achieved fully nude, 
simultaneous orgasms from 69 in the over- 
head compartment be less entitled to glory 
than two people who did it in the lavatory? 


The tetter in the January i 

ng tie tacks prompts me to write aboutan- 
other relatively minor fashion issue tha 
has been the topic of some discussion 
among my friends. The subject is lapel 
pins. Is it. proper to wear more than one? If 
so, how many is too many? When w 
more than one, should they be on the 
lapel? Finally, should the pin be straight up 
and down or parallel to the thread pattern 
of the matei Cumberland, 
Maryland. 

The manner in which you wear a lapel pin 
(or pins) is mostly a matter of personal taste. 
They are generally worn on the left side, and 
if you are wearing more than one, the pins 
should be worn on the same lapel. Some men 
(often in the jewelry business or ward alder 


че concern- 


теп attending national conventions) сап get 
away with wearing clusters of exorbitant 
lapel pins, but not everyone can bring this off 
m an acceptably stylish manner. A lapel pin 
should merely provide an accent for your 
outfit, without calling undue attention to its 
presence. (Does the world really need to know 
that you voted for McGovern in 19727) 
When lapel pins are worn by models in our 
fashion layouts, they are usually placed on an 
angle to the overall line of the garment. 
However, you should experiment with the po- 
sitioning of any pins you wear to determme 
the best placement for a given ensemble, 


WA rer dating tora fes тойы lady 
and I finally made love. It was wonderful, 
but I found that her previous lover had 
shaved her. Her hair is still very short, My 
problem is that I can't help but feel 
presence every time I touch her. How can I 
rid myself of his ghost and enjoy the com- 
pany of my new lover?—S. L, Detroit, 
Michigan 

Start from scratch. Ask her to shave herself 
for you 


How much do you tell a first date? Some 
of the women I've gone out with have 
asked for detailed sexual histories—num- 
ber of partners, number of one-night 
stands, whether or not I'm sleeping with 
anyone else, drug use—before agreeing to 
sleep with me. And even then, they always. 
suggest that we use condoms. This fear of 
AIDS is getting out of hand. Whatever 
happened to discretion?—D. O., Milwau- 
kee, Wisconsin 

Discretion is alive and well, or maybe it’s 
lying. Thats what one researcher concluded 
when she surveyed 660 adults and found that 
47 percent of the men and 42 percent of the 
women told their dates that they'd had fewer 
sexual partners than was actually the case. 
(Lets see, there were the Flying Watusi sisters. 
they were Siamese twins. Do you count that as 
опе or two partners?) The report, in Medical 
Aspects of Human Sexuality, also found 
that “even though one-night stands are espe- 
cially risky Jor disease spread, 42 percent of 
the men and 33 percent of the women would 
“never” disclose to their dates a ‘one-time im- 
pulsive sexual encounter” The study con- 
cluded, “Simply asking ones partner about 
his/her sexual and drug background is not by 
itself ‘safer sex.” We disagree with some of 
the assumptions underlying the study, Why, 
for instance, is a one-night stand a greater 
risk for transmission of disease than an ongo- 
ing relationship with the wrong person (such 
as an LV-drug user)? And if you practiced 
safe sex, could you have a million partners 
and not pose a great danger to an inquisitive 
partner? The questions are like the fine print 
on а Racing Form—narrowing the estimat- 
ed odds from, say, one chance т five billion 


45 


PLAYBOY 


(the odds of catching AIDS from someone 
with a negative AIDS test and no history of 
high-risk behavior) to one in 5,000,000 (the 
odds of catching ALDS fiom one sexual en- 
counter, no condoms, status unknoum) to one 
in 500 (the odds of catching the virus if you 
actually have а sexual encounter with some- 
one who has the ALDS virus and you don't 
ше condoms). Our impression is that if you 
tell everything, there is a greater chance of 
jealousy and insecurity wreaking havoc with 
the relationship than of your catching the 
virus. How do you handle an inquisition? 
Say that, to your knowledge, you are healthy. 
You appreciate his or her concern, and since 
you share that concern, you prefer to use con- 
doms and spermicidal foam, or practice safer 
sex (touching, kissing and oral sex—not un- 
protected intercourse). If you are still unsure 
as to how to handle these discussions, we sug- 
gest that you order a cassette titled “How to 
Talk with a Partner About Smart Sex." Its 
put logether by Bernie Zilbergeld and Lonnie 
Barbach, California-based therapists, 
and it covers topics such as bringing up bro: 
lection, saying no lo sex, getting into sex 
oral and anal sex 
ау Institute, 7247 
California 91335 


two 


gradually, using condoms 
Tt costs $11.95 from The 
Ariel Avenue, Reseda, 
(phone 800-843-0305). 


Occasionally, 1 become something of a 
party animal and overconsume everything 
thats offered. 1 always make sure there is 


someone to handle the driving on the way 
home. But recently, someone told me that I 
should also refrain from driving with a 
hangover, because the morning after a 
binge, my body's reflexes are still off. Is 
there any truth to that2—D. W, San Diego, 
California. 

Swedens National Road and Trafic Re- 
search Institute conducted a study that indi- 
cates the need for morning-after caution 
Researchers threw а party for volunteers, 
then let them sleep for eight hours. After a full 
nights sleep, their blood-alcohol content was 
still 46 milligrams per deciliter of blood, 
about half of what U.S. state law considers to 
be under the influence. The volunteers then 
тап а slalom course through pylons. Even 
when the subject said he felt fine, his results 
were 20 percent lower than those of non 
drinkers. We've not sure that is enough to war- 
rant calling a cab the morning after, but we 
wouldn't enter the Indy 500, either 


sometimes enjoy doing odd things dur 
ing sex. For example, two years ago, іп Up- 
state New York, my girlfriend at the time 
and I had intercourse while we were water- 
skiing. I held on to the tow rope while she 
wrapped her legs around my waist. My 
friend driving the boat was getting fellatio 
from his girlfriend. I have also had se 
my Monte Carlo while driving Route 80 at 
100—110 miles per hour at two o'dock in 
the morning. Doing it in odd situations is 


so much more exciting. Is this feeling com- 
mon, or do I have a fetish?—C. A. B., New 
York, New York. 

We've all taken risks at one time or another 
Our only question: Were you wearing а con- 
dom at the time? One more thing: As a per- 
sonal favor, will you warn us before moving 
to the Midwest? 


Foras long кал кетет Бае 
worn cotton socks for athletic endeavors. 
Now one of the guys at the gym claims that 
acrylic socks are better. Have you heard of 
anadvantage to man-made fibers over nat- 
ural fibers?—K. C., Dallas, Texas. 

According to a report in Medical Tribune, 
acrylic socks have the ейде. Doctors at the 
California College of Podiatry investigated 
60 long-distance runners in 800 runs, aver 
aging 50 minutes. The acrylic socks were su- 
реног in preventing friction blisters and in 
dissipating moisture. Cotton socks produced 
twice as many friction blisters and those 
formed were three limes the size of those seen 
on runners wearing acrylic socks. One of the 
doctors reports that acrylic fibers wick mois- 
ture off the surface of the foot, reducing the 
coefficient of friction on the surface of the 
skin. Also, cotton compacts when it gets wet 
and becomes abrasive with repeated use. 


One of my audiophile friends says that I 
should clean the antenna on my car, or 
road dirt and rust will cause the signal to 
deteriorate. I've never given this much 


thought. Is he pulling my leg?—S. A., Mi- 
ami Beach, Florida. 

Not really. A less-than-immaculate anten- 
na does interfere with reception. Experts ad- 
vise cleaning a car antenna every two 
months. А West German antenna maker 
(Hirschmann) sells specially treated cleaning 
tissues, three for a buck. Collapsible antennas 
tend to collect gunk more than single-piece 
antennas and may deteriorate. So follow your 
friend's advice. That way, when some punk 
kid snaps your antenna off, at least it will be 
clean. 


Wi, do we have pubic hair? What pos 
evolutionary purpose could that 
patch of dark сигез serve?—Q. A., Bos- 
ton, Massachuscus. 

We took a poll in the office and came up 
with the following answers: Pubic hair is na- 
tures way of teaching us to floss. Pubic hair is 
the bodys defense against crab lice (as in, “If 
you have crabs, how do you get rid of them 
Shave off one half of your pubic hair, set fire 
to the other half and stab the little buggers 
with a fork as they run for cover). Pubic hair 
is natures traffic signal—as you reach adult- 
hond, triangles of hair form to direct your at- 
tention to more important things. However, 
the best—at least the most rational—expla- 
nation is this: As we evolved, we lost most of 
our fur, saving only that which served a use- 
ful purpose. The hair under our arms is a dry 
lubricant to prevent chafing. If you are lucky 


sible 


enough to couple, then the pubic hair pre- 
vents chafing during intercourse. 


[Есту now and then, we read an article 
about violating some taboo. lt always 
seems to be about crossing the sexual fron- 
tier into an area that was previously forbid 
den. But what is the difference between 
something that is merely rare and some- 
thing that is forbidden for a reason? Can 
you give me a list of current taboos?— 
G. K., Chicago, Illinois. 

What is this? You have a term paper due 
next week? OK, here goes. Looking through 
‘Sex A to 2; 
Kenneth М. Anderson, we came across some 


by Robert Goldenson and 


interesting definitions. Freud described taboo 
as follows: “On the one hand, it means to us 
sacred, consecrated; but on the other hand, it 
means uncanny, dangerous, forbidden and 
unclean.” Number one with a bullet is the in- 
cest taboo—having sex with your dad or mom 
is almost universally frowned upon. Having 
sex with a virgin before marriage is taboo in 
about half of the societies studied by anthro 

pologists. From that point on, the taboo moves 
from the unclean to the ridiculous. Most soci- 
¿ties forbid having sex during menstruation; 
others limit sex during pregnancy and nurs- 
ing Certain tribes forbid sex during daylight, 
before going to war, during a thunderstorm 
or for as long as a year after the birth of a 


child. Hindu societies forbid sex during cer- 
tain phases of the moon. The Chinese forbid 
sex on the birthday of a god (which is one теа- 
son the rest of the world switched to monothe- 
ism). In America, we have a taboo about 
talking about sex—at least in a vocabulary 
anyone can recognize. A study by Dr. Timothy 
В. Jay at North Adams State College listed 28 
terms in order of offensiveness or degree of ta- 
boo. They are: motherfucker, cocksucker, fuck, 
pussy, cunt, prick, cock, bastard, son of a 
bitch, asshole, suck, nigger; tits, whore, god. 
damn, shit, bitch, piss, slul, queer, bullshit, 
ass, spick, blow, Jesus Christ, damn, hell, 
pig. Most of these are sexual. Taboos seem 
lo restrict 
situations. 
aberrations—sadism, masochism, pedophil- 
ia, fetishism, exhibitionism, | voyeurism, 
transvestism, zoophilia, coprophilia and nec- 
rophilia—are not normal sex in the wrong 
place or time, they are viewed as wrong, no 
тайет what the time or place. 


normal behavior in certain 


In contrast, what are viewed as 


All reasonable questions—from fashion, 
food and drink, stereo and sports carsto dating 
problems, taste and etiquette—will be person- 
ally answered if the writer includes a stamped, 
self-addressed envelope. Send all letters to The 
Playboy Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 М. 
Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. 
The most provocative, pertinent queries 
will be presented on these pages each month. 


i First, wax your car with 
_ Rain Dance: Then wait 
«for rain. Even if it takes 


a while. The water will 
still bead. Longer than 
with any other car wax. 
Rain Dance. 
The longest 
_lasting pro- 
tection you 


= 


© Armor All Products Corporation, 1989. Rain Dance 
5 a regstered trademark of Armor All Products Corp. 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 
By Pregnant Women May Result in Fetal 
Injury, Premature Birth, And Low Birth Weight. 


Also available 
in Box and 
1005 Soft Pack. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


ORIGINAL AMA’ ТЕГІН HOUR. 


Lect CES ie СОг ОК IE 


"I think people need to recognize that . 
those of us who have been so much 
influenced by violence in the media, in 
particular pornographic violence, are not 
some kind of inherent monsters. We are 
your sons and we are your husbands. And 
we grew up in regular families. And 
pornography can reach oul and snatch a 
kid out of any house today 
It snatched me out of ту 
home twenty, thirty years 
ago. And as diligent ах my 
parents were—and they 
mere diligent in protecting 
their children—and ax 
good a Christian home 
as we had—and uv had 
a wonderful Christian 
home—there is no protec- 
tion against the kind of 
influences that aye loose in 
society... Гое lived in 
prison fora long time now, 
and Гое mel a lot of men 
who were motivated to 
commit violence, just like 
те And without excep- 

Поп, every one of them was 
deeply involved in pornog- 
raphy, withoul question. 
without exception, deeply 
influenced and consumed 
by an addiction to pornog- 
raphy."—led Bundy, in 
an interview with James 
Dobson, a religious 
broadcaster, on the eve of 
his execution for murder, 

Bundys statement put 
a torch to the dry brush 
of the antipornography 
crusade. In USA Today, 
the Reverend. Donald E 
Wildmon, executive di 
rector of the America 
Family Association, said: 

“L believe [Bundy] died telling the 
truth, because about a year or so ago, 
he became a Christian. He made the 
statement at that time, and we have it 
here in our files, that pornography was 
the motivating factor. This man knew 
he only had a few hours to live. He con- 
fessed to killing 20 girls and then said 
pornography was a determining factor 
in all this.... What he says merely 


verifies evermbing that weve known 
for years.” 

A columnist wrote in her local paper: 
"Regardless of how anyone views 
Bundy, here is xpert in a field of 
perversion telling us (he truth. 

nquiry editor of 
USA Today. wrote: “OF course, Bundy 


ur 


was not the only madman who admit- 
ted a link between pornography and 
own insanity. Another fiend, Arthur 
Bishop, who was executed last year for 
murdering and sodomizing five young 
boys, also said pornography fueled his 
deviant desires. . . . 
and Bishops must a Sodom and Сото! 
rah-bent society produce before the 
nation cracks down on hard-core 


ography? 

The Reverend Jerry Kirk, president 
of the National Coalition Against 
Pornography, said that parents “ought 
to be concerned, because this n 
hooks people, inflaming them 
causing them to act out viole: 
ually aggressive fantasies 

Victor Cline. a psychol- 
ogis from Utah and a 
proponent of the porn- 
isaddictive тар. said 
“What I find is (har 
[pornography] is very 
addictive. Not only the 
pornography that [men] 
get into but eventually 
the activity—the sexual 
activity—that they begin 
to act out, and its very 
difficult to treat and 
cure, I find that [pornog 
raphy] desensitizes [men] 
and 1 find that they es- 
calate in it They go 
to rougher and rough- 
er pornography until fi 
nally they do get into 
the violence thing, Not 
everybody is a led 
Bundy, but there are a lot 
of people out there who 
havent. yet escalated to 
that 

So much for the reli 
gious zealots and the 
New Right conservatives 
whose only credential is 
their sincere belief that 
pornography corrupts— 
other people. What do 
the experts and the peo- 
ple who actually knew 
Bundy say about his г 
marks on pornography 

Bundys lawyer, James 

Coleman, said: “That [statement] was 
vintage Bundy. It was Bundy the actor 
He didnt know what made him kill 
people. No one did 

Irwin Stotzky, a University of Miami 
professor of criminal kaw, said: “The ar- 
gument that looking at pornography 
will lead to violence is like saving alco- 
hol advertisements will lead to heroin 
addiction. The Supreme Court has 


49 


looked at pornography and, so lar, 
none of the Justices has gone out and 
murdered.” 

Dr. Emanuel Tanay, the Detroit ps 
chiatrist who interviewed Bundy after 
he was arrested in Florida. said 
“Pornography doesnt have the pow 
to cause the severe delormity ol per- 
sonality that he had.” 

Norma Wagner, director of the adult- 
sexual-oflender program at South Flor- 
ida State Hospital. said: “Pornography 
is probably more a symptom than a 
cause. Just as adolescent animal torture 
and arson are symptoms—not causes— 
of a personality that is likely 10 commit 
violent crimes, sexual or otherwise." 

Gene Abel. professor of psychiatry at 


entific su 


sion of crime 


"Why do they do this to us?“ pondered Junior Bridge, a 
spokeswoman for the National Organization for Women. 

"1 would hope that chapter had been closed," said 
Mary Ruthsdotter of the National Womens History 
Project. 


These women are bemoaning the resurgence of “girl 
art,” the World War Two proctice of painting images of 
nude and seminude pinup girls onto the noses of U.S. mil- 


itory aircroft. Bridge and Ruthsdotter wont the pictures 
removed—but the bomber beauties, who survived an at- 


Emory University School of Medicine 
and an expert in the field of sexual de- 
viance, said: “When we have done si 

$ of sex offenders, we have 
not found a relationship between the 
use of pornography and the commis- 
and the 
sion. Sex offenders have specific sexual 
interests. and then 
pornography that will match that. It 
isn't the other way around. They don't 
sce the pornography and then develop 
the deviant interest 
who dont carry out sex crimes use soft- 
core porn and, of course, they obvious- 
№ do not develop sexual deviations, ru 
Also. what we find is th: 
have rationalizations 


for their behavior. And Ted Bundy, like 
most of the sadists we've dealt with, had 
a lot of false beliefs or rationalizations 
toexplain his behavior. What he said, in 
essence, was, ‘It isn't my fault, these are 
pornographic things that Гус seen. 
And we just dont see that relationship. 

Barry Lynn. legislative counsel for 
the American Civil Liberties Union and 
an expert on the antipornography сги- 
saders. |: “IF everyone who read 
Playboy went on to hard-core, and if ev- 
eryone who read hard-core went on to 
become а serial killer, the streets would 
Бе running in blood. The streets are 
ing in blood —but from drugs 
pornography Lers use a little common 
nd justifications sense.” 


c of aggres- 


they seek out 


A lot of people 


sex offenders 


tack in the Forties, are likely to survive this Eighties 
action. 

The first girl-art battle came during World War Two 
when the Army Air Corps tried to censor it but was 
forced to back off when it realized that a ban would 
couse a serious pilot-morole problem. Bomber art 
flourished during the Korean War but went out of vogue 
during the Vietnam war. 

Now the girls are on the planes and in the news again. 
The wars may be over, but the fighting continues. 


N E W S FR O N Т 


whats happening in the sexual and social arenas 


BODY AND SOUL 


BERKELEY. CALIFORNIA—City officials 
are considering a proposal to require that 
safe-sex hits be put in all hotels and motels 
in the city. “Certainly, if hotels can have a 
Gideon Bible in every room, they сап in- 
clude а safe-sex kit" said the AIDS re- 
searcher who made the proposal. “There 
could be a sign with each kit saying, THE 


BIBLE MAY SAVE YOUR SOUL, BUT THIS WILL 
SAVE YOUR LIFE.” Hoteliers are less than en- 
thusiastic. The manager of a Mormon- 
owned hotel said, “It could be difficult to 
ask a housekeeper of deep religious con- 
viction to handle these types of items.” An- 
other manager expressed concern that a 
faulty condom could result in a lawsuit 
against the hotel. 


BRAIN DAMAGE 


TORONTO, ONTARIO—A Canadian psy- 
chiatric researcher reports that his study of 
more than 400 sexual aggressors found 
that half of the child abusers had a dam- 
aged right temporal lobe and 40 percent 
of sadistic rapists had a damaged left tem- 
poral lobe. The researcher speculated that 
the damage was due to trauma before or 
shortly after birth. 


CHUMPS FOR CHIMPS 


SAN ANTONIO—Eighty-one chimpanzees 
used in AIDS research can look forward 
to comfortable retirement under a plan set 


up by the Southwest Foundation for 
Biomedical Research. “We always have 
had a moral obligation to take care of the 
animals that we use,” said a controller of 
the foundation, which will invest more 
than $1,770,000 over the next ten years to 
take care of the chimps in their old age 
Exposure to the AIDS virus disqualifies 
the chimps for use in other experiments 
and they probably will live out their nor 
mal life spans of 40 years without devel- 
oping the disease. 


FLOWER POWER 


FRAMINGHAM. — MASSAGHUSETTS—T he 
Framingham Humane Society is outraged 
at The New England Wildflower Society 
for using neck-breaking traps to kill the 
muskrats plundering its Garden in the 
Woods. The flower people, who are other- 
wise pro-animal, say that their primary 
mission is to preserve the gardens rare 
plants and bulbs and that muskrats have 
not been deterred by kinder methods. 
The animal people, who are otherwise 
proflower, insist that the killing must stop 
because “the muskrat is just doing what is 
natural.” A toum meeting will be called to 
try to resolve the dispute. 


JUST DONT SHOOT 


WASHOE COUNTY, NEVADA— When a de- 
fendant refused to admit that he had ex- 
posed himself to a woman оп the ski slopes 
of Mount Rose and the woman wanted to 
avoid a trial, the deputy district attorney's 
office proposed a compromise. The man 
was allowed to plead guilty to “carrying a 
concealed weapon.” According to the 
prosecutor, “In а way, it kind of fits.” 


KEEPING JUNIOR STRAIGHT 


LOS ANGELES—The most elaborate per- 
sonal drug-testing kit yet is now available 
to parents who want to test their children 
Sor signs of alcohol or drug use. The Win- 
ners Program sells for $49.95 and in- 
cludes a 50-minute video tape, two audio 
tapes, а saliva test and a penlight pupil- 
lometer for eye tests similar to those used 
by police on drunk-driving suspects. The 
president of the company that markets the 
hits tests his own sons, aged 18 and 21, 
several times a week and says, “If the рат- 
ents have a good relationship with kids, 
из kind of Ше brushing their teeth. Its 
fun for them.” 


ROOM WITH A VIEW 


ANANOSA, 10WA—A Federal district 
court judge has held that prisoners have 
the same right to see pornographic publi- 
cations as other citizens. To comply with 
the ruling, the Тоша state prison at 
Anamosa has designated ап official 
“porno reading room,” where inmates can 
look at pornography—but only under 
close supervision. “They dont let you sit 
and enjoy it,” complains one prisoner 
“With that cluster of guards coming in 
and out of the reading room, it’s like a 


freeway.” 
HEAVEN SENT 


WASHINGTON, DC—Al the 46th annual 
convention of National Religious Broad- 
casters, the Reverend Pat Robertson 
proposed parachuting thousands of 
solar-powered television seis to "un- 
reached people groups” in Third World 
countries. Each set will have graphic in- 
structions for its use and will be pro- 
gramed to receive Robertson's programs 
via satellite. A Robertson aide said that 


it will be ten years before technological 
advances make the proposal economically 
feasible. 

On а less holy note, one religious broad- 
caster reported that, according to hotel 
bills, 80 percent of the delegates at last 
years convention “watched an X-rated 
movie in their room.” He called the per- 
centage "scary." 


51 


52 


Е 


Е R 


MISFIRED N.R.A. PR 

The opinion expressed by 
William |. Helmer in “N.R.A.: 
Color Them Red-faced" (The 
Playboy Forum, April) does а 
disservice to your readers and 
to Americas 70.000.000 gun 
owners. 

Helmer has a right to disagree 
with our program and. as an an- 
un person, to express his opin- 
ion. However, he shoukl rectify 
his obvious ignorance on the sub- 
ject of gun safety before attempt- 
ing to degrade the National Rifle 
Associations program for chil- 
dren. 

Our association has been dedi- 
cated to firearm safety for more 
than 117 years. Fatalities due to 
firearm accidents have steadily 
declined since 1940. 

‘The program Helmer assaults 
was under development for more 
than two years. The coloring- 
book format was adopted as a re- 
sult of the input we received 
from educators and child psy- 
chologists. Our intent is to give 
children a simple safety message 
that they will remember. The 
program does not teach the han- 
dling or the use of firearms, nor 
docs it make any value judgments 
оп gun ownership, nor is it a po- 
litical statement 

As Helmer himself states, half 
of the households in America 
contain a fircarm. This fact 
ip is a nor 
mal part of the average home. 
Even if a child lives in а housc- 
hold without а fire: the 
chancesare good that he will vi 
a home where guns are pre 
The N.R.A. has always empha- 
sized responsible gun ownership. 
Our coloring book is a logical 
step in our effort to protect our 
nation’s children by teaching 
them that if they come upon а 
gun, “Stop, dont touch; leave the 
area; tell an adult.” 
un owners are hunters, 
target shooters, collectors and 
s concerned with the pro- 
tection of their homes and 
families. More than 99 percent 
of all firearms are used by law- 
abiding citizens for legal purpos- 
es. It ås our constitutional right 
under the Second Amendment to 


FOR THE RECORD 


STATE-FORCED 
PREGNANCY? 


anti-abortion advocates want 
anew addition to 
the family—big brother 


The state may have ап interest in seeing that a 
child, like any other citizen, comes within its reach. 
This same interest, however, when it deals with po- 
tential human life, leads to a logical conclusion that 
could become legal tyranny. 

In the interest of protecting potential human 
life, [will the state require] mandatory gynecologi- 
cal examinations for all women of childbearing 
age, married or not . . . and for all men, to make 
sure both sexes are fit to produce "normal" chil- 
dren? . . . Might there not be mandatory diets for 
both sexes to ensure the potential health of human 
life: mandatory bed rest for women with difficult. 
pregnancies to prevent the loss of potential human 
life: mandatory dismissal from jobs that present 
reproductive hazards in either sex? . . . mandatory 
inspections of women's uteruses to check for 
1.0.05; mandatory house searches to check for 
abortifacients now capable of use in the home? 
Would the preference for potential human life 
override Fourth Amendment strictures against il- 
legal search and seizure? Would law-enforcement 
officers be empowered to make unannounced 
break-ins to determine if а couple's sexual activity 
includes positions and acts not calculated to lead to 
the production of potential human life? If all this 
is too repulsive to contemplate, would an accept- 
able alternative be to question the couple, their. 
children and neighbors to ascertain if they have 
engaged in such conduct or made use of abortifa- 
cients? —from The Law Giveth, by Barbara 

Milbauer and Bert Obrentz 


own firearms. But with the exer- 
cise of this right goes responsibil- 
ity. We should not accept less 
from those exercising their First 
Amendment rights. 
Tracey A. Martin, Manager 
Promotions & Materials 
Development 
mal Rifle Association 
of America 
Washington, D.C. 
Helmer responds. 

Fither you didn't read past the 
headline от you missed the point 
entirely. Аз beneficial аз firearm- 
safety programs сап be, they are not 
worth much if they're constantly re- 
jected, as the coloring book was, 
because of the N.R.A.s chronic 
inability to relate to its opponents 
or understand the fears of people 
who associate firearms only with 
crime and violence. It may not be 
uncommon—in a country with 
70,000,000 gun cuners—for а 
child to find a handgun on а liv- 
ing-room coffee table, but the 
N.R.A. is completely out of touch 
not to see that that’s а scenario 
guaranteed to horrify antigun 


people. 


Na 


Helmer should have men- 
tioned that the Dade County, 
Florida, school system rejected 
the N.R.A.S gun-safety program 
but accepted а gun-awareness 
program designed by gun-con- 
trol advocates. Such foolishness 
ensures that an entire generation 
of young people will be ignorant 
about the sale use and handling 
of firearms. Florida tax dollars 
are being used to promote fear 
and ignorance as effective teach- 
ing tools. The N.R.A. has actively 
promoted firearm-safety tra 
ing for police and civilians for 
more than 100 years. The only 
message т N.R.A. educational 
programs is that ownership and 
responsible use of firearms are 
in this country 

I J: Gibbons 

lopeka, Kansas 

According to а Dade County 
school oficial, the Dade County 
school board believes that the. 
МВА coloring book contains а 
subliminal message that guns are 
OK to have around the house. The 


not å crime 


КИ F © 7 u v | 


R Е S 


P O 


IN S E 


school board is still developing a gun-safety 
program. 


Guns are used for sport and for per- 
sonal protection by responsible people. 
The police are understaffed and are of 
little use when a crime is in progress. А 
responsible, trained citizen is of use. 

David Kveragas 
Clarks Summit, Pennsylvania 


I own guns. I also have two young 
sons. My boys are taught gun safety and 
the dangers of misusing fircarms. They 
know that we have guns in the house and 
that we will always have them. I want to 
thank the N.R.A. for trying to teach chil- 
dren about gun safety. I'm proud to be a 
gun owner and user. 

Carl N. Ball, Jr. 

Hardinsburg, Kentucky 


Conservatives and moralists in Ameri- 
са repeatedly make the assertion—ui 
supported by reliable evidence—hat 
pornography causes injury to people and 
especially to children. On one hand, they 
claim that protecting children outweighs 
an individuals right to freedom of ex- 
Pression; on the other, they claim that i 
unconstitutional to have gun control. 

It is clear that guns cause more harm 
than pornography does. resident of 
the Los Angeles area, 1 am bombarded 
daily with news reports of children being 
gunned down on the streets. Thus fa 
none of these shootings has been at 
tributed to pornography. 

Why aren't the zealots who are willing 
to deprive us of a constitutional right be- 
cause of purported harm to children 
willing to use the same argument to pro- 
tect society from a documented threat? 

Donald В. Cripe 
Whittier, California 


We members of the N.R.A. have failed 
to convince the nonshooting public that 
we are not maniacs. 

Otto J. Jaks 
Los Altos, California 


Guns kill people just as drugs kill peo- 
ple. Guns are legal; drugs are not. Га 
rather that my death were my choice— 
not someone else's 
Benjamin Lattanzio 
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 


ABORTION 
I was 15 when I had an abortion, and 
how I wish I could have taken a pill such 


as RU 486 ("Abortion: Viva la France," 
The Playboy Forum, March). Why not 
make abortion safer by allowing women 
to take a pill rather than forcing them to 
have back-alley abortions? The only emo- 
tional distress I suffered from my abor- 
tion was caused by Right-to-Lifers. I wish 
they would realize that abortion is a 
woman's choice and nobody else's. 
(Name and address 
withheld by request) 


It's too bad your ass was not aborted— 
then we wouldn't have to read your bull- 
shit. I'm pro-life and proud of it. 

Danny Dillon 
Hyattsville, Maryland 


Having legalized abortion doesn't 
mean everyone who gets pregnant has to 
have one; having illegal abortion forces 
everyone who gets pregnant to have chil- 


“The only emotional 
distress I suffered 
from my abortion 

was caused by 
Right-to-Lifers.” 


dren. I'm embarrassed by the people 
who stupidly believe that making abor- 
tion illegal solves anyone’ problems. 

‘Ann Boyd 
Fullerton, California 


A baby at conception has 46 distinct 
chromosomes and is a unique individual 
entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of 
happiness. In light of this, how can you 
ibly justify abortion? 

David Brock 
Portland, Oregon 


We are bombarded daily with pro- 
abortion: rguments for the termina- 
tion of human life in the womb. However, 
reverence for human life is а hallmark of 
Judaeo-Christian thought and Western 
ethics, The trend toward disrespect for 
life must be reversed. 


Phillip B. Snow 
Davie, Florida 


Um tired of anti-abortionists’ justify- 
ing their position on moral grounds. In 
a perfect world, moral considerations 


would be the determining factor in es- 
tablishing laws. This isn't a perfect world. 
When anti-abortionists complain that 
1,000,000 babies were aborted last year, I 
can only ask whether that is more ap- 
palling than the concept of those 
1,000,000 unwanted babies being born. 
K. Erwin 
Chicago, Illinois 


It is ironic that the conservative fanat- 
ics who oppose abortion are the same 
people who oppose measures that may 
help reduce the number of pregnancies 
that end in abortion—such as sex educa- 
tion and readily available contraceptives 
for teenagers. Don't we teach teens how 
to drive before we let them drive? And 
when they do drive, don't we make seat 
belts available to them? Education helps 
prevent mistakes; protective devices help 
minimize the severity of accidents. 

Our right to make our own choices is 
one of this country’s basic founding prin- 
ciples. I am opposed to abortion; howev- 
er, it is not appropriate for me to force my 
belief on other people. 

Ernest J. Taormina 
Forked River, New Jersey 


DRUG LAWS 
By applying adolescent punishment to 
a very mature problem, the Government 
has failed in its war on drugs (“Decrimi- 
nalize Drugs Now,” The Playboy Forum, 
January). Education and rehabilitation 
are the solutions—not the costly expan- 
sion of programs that further restrict in- 
dividual freedom. 
David Barnes 
New Brunswick, New Jersey 


WILY WILDMON 
I'd like to comment on your item about 
the Reverend Donald E. Wildmon, who 
protested the movie The Last Temptation 
of Christ and then collected $1,125,000 in 
donations to support his cause (“An Ш 
Wind Blows Money,” The Playboy Forum, 
April). Your implication that fundamen- 
talist groups would be willing to finance 
pornographic movies so that they could 
then make money through donations is 
irrespon: You are not interested in 
finding the truth. You are interested in 
using the power that you wield to dis- 
credit any organization that threatens 
your interests. 
Nathan Phelps 
Rancho Santa Margarita, California 
Lighten up. The remark was tongue in 
cheek. 


T EE B 


Sex Research 


According to much sex research, we 
are living in perilous times. To cite a few 
of the most startling findings recently 
published in various scholarly books and 
journals: 

Six percent of the American people 
ге victims of “sex addiction,” defined as 
‘a progressive form of r 

Viewing pornography 
likelihood of aggres 
rape. 

Sixty-two percent of Am 
are victims of child 
sexual abuse. 
etcen percent 
of American women 
аге victims of child- 
hood incest. 

Male sexuality is 
“predatory and ex 
pluitive" and men aic 
“predisposed to vio- 
lence, to rape, № se: 
ual harassment and 
10 sexually abusing 
children. 

Scary stuff. Are ме 
approaching a sexual 
Armageddon? The 
problem may lie more 
in the sesology than 
in the sex. 

Sexology has, until 
recently, remained an 
ially — sex-posi- 
social science. 
like any other 

research, «ех 
ch is influenced by prevailing po- 
al and ideological winds. The recent 
the national sexual climate has 
brought with it a new kind of sexology 
that intentionally blurs the important 
line between social science and social 
criticism. Bloated with hidden political 
agendas, the new research exalts the dan- 
gers of sex while intentionally ignoring 
its healthful pleasures. 
ntisex sexology is spearheaded 
by victimologists. The study of victims, as 
opposed to perpetrators, was once а pro- 
gressive movement. l called attention to 
the fact that victims—most notably, wom- 
en who had been raped—were frequent- 
ly blamed for their own misfortunes. 


E T R A Y 


By PAUL OKAMI 


However, victimology has quickly be- 
come the pseudoscientihc voice of moral 
conservatism. According to the nations 
foremost sexologist, John Money, victim. 
ologists treat sex as “a behavioral disease 
scheduled to be eradicated or lawbreak- 
ing scheduled to be punished.” In their 
frantic search for “sexual victims” to 
study, victimologists frequently create 
ms where none existed. They have 
by now so distorted the idea of victimiza- 
tion and the nature of scientific inquiry 


Six Esedkh. fodty 


А 1 


for victimolog 
other morally 
and clinicians, 
Recently discovered by а member of 
Alcoholics Anonymous who attempted to 
recover from his “sex and love addiction” 
using the 12-step program of A.A., sex 
addiction has also been popularized as a 
concept by an ex-prison psychologist. 
Patrick Carnes. While there is no doubt 
м some people experience psychic 
pain or problems asa result of their sex 
I behavior, the use of 

the term addict to de- 

scribe such people is 


s, addictionologists and 
conservative researchers 


THERE ! There] ir Тытеңео Ñ 
Bir. Gop, I НФЕ WE CAUGHT т 
ON VIDEO. 


itself that it is extremely difficult to learn 
anything meaningful from their studies 
other than information about their own 
personal beliefs and biases. The al 
ing statistics and claims found in 
ological sex research generally turn 
10 be grossly misleading—and thats 
putting it charitably: 

The most offensive examples of t 
new negativity toward sex can be found 


SEN ADDICTION 


addiction (see "Confes- 
sions of a Sex Addict,” The Playboy Fo- 
rum, March 1987) has been a magnet 


doser to National En- 
qurer—style journal- 
ism than to medical 
science. 

Ass 
ti Levine 
Richard Tr 
point out in an art 
w The Journal of Sex 
Research, addiction 
refers to a depend- 
ence om å substance 
that results in toler- 
ame and physio- 
logical withdrawal 
symptoms. Sex is not 
a substance and does 
mot result їп (ol 
erance. Refraining 
from sex, while possi- 
bly extremely annoy- 
ing. does not induce 
withdrawal symp- 
toms. One simply cannot become add 
ed to sex, though one may certainly learn 
to depend upon it as a means of coping— 
as one may learn to depend on 
2 work. parenting or friendships. 
Few persons would seriously try to sug- 
gest that dependence оп any of the above 
ns of coping with anxi- 
ety or st utes a disease or an 
addictive disorder. It is because of our 
cultural assumption that nonprocreative 
sex is somehow sick or wrong that this 
nosis has become popular. 

Accord Levine and liden: 
“There is nothing intrinsically pathologi- 
cal in the conduct that is presently 
ау sexu compulsive or 


iologists Mar- 
and 


just 


addictive; these behaviors have assumed 
pathological status only because power- 
ful groups are beginning to define them 
as such... . [The] concepts of sexual com- 
pulsion and sexual addiction are v 
judgments parading as therapeutic diag- 
noses.” 


hologist and sex theray 
n writes about some of the conse- 
quences of portraying sex as addictive: 
“A young client came to me and said he 
was а sexual addict, When I asked him 
why he thought this, he told me that he 
masturbated two to three times weekly 
and had been trying to stop for several 
years. He began worrying about this be- 
havior after he learned that sex could be- 
come addictive.” 

Coleman adds that critics of the c 
cept of sex addiction point out that "free 
use of the words addiction and compu 
ion have rendered these terms meaning- 
less. The way that some people are 
defining these terms renders the world 
and all the people 
within as compulsive 
or addictive.” 


In just fear short weeks, You 
Sex-addict utot, with our NEW therapy perm. 


correlation between the extent of expo- 
sure to pornography and the committing 
of sexual offenses against women. From 
this correlation, antipornography ac- 
tivists make the leap to conclude that 
pornography increases sexual aggression 
toward women. As Dr. Ferrel Chris- 
tensen, a philosophy professor at the 

Iniversity of Alberta interviewed in “А 
Philosopher Looks at the Porn Debate” 
(The Playboy Forum, January 1988), 
points out: “There is a very strong corre- 
lation between lying down and dying, but 
this fact is hardly evidence that the form- 
er produces the latter!" Dr, Christensen 
also notes that there is a correlation be- 
tween increases in reported rates of vio- 
lent sex crimes against women and the 
sales of Ms. magazine and an even higher 
correlation between the sales of porno- 
graphic magazines and progress in wom- 
en rights. Can we conclude that feminist 
magazines cause violent sex crimes 
against women and that pornography 


CaN у rid yourself of that 


trolled laboratory experiments that are 
supposedly not dependent on simple cor- 
elations. Several of these studies were 
recently designed to test the eflecis of 
pornography on violence toward women. 
Typically, one group of men were in- 
tentionally angered by a female ex- 
perimenter. They were then given 
pornography to view. Finally, they were 
asked to administer fake electric shocks 
to the experimenter. A second group of 
men were also angered by the researcher 
and then, without exposure to pornogra- 
phy, were asked to administer shock 
treatments to him or her. The result: 
Subjects exposed to porn were more likc- 
ly to administer higher voltages of clec- 
tric shocks to the experimenter than 
subjects who had not been exposed to 
porn, 

Is this evidence that pornography in- 
creases aggression toward women? It is 
not—for the following reasons: 

1. Excitement in general seems to рго- 

duce similar increas- 
n aggressiveness. 
Several studies have 


PORNOGRAPHY 


There is no ev 
dence that pornog- 
raphy № any more 
harmful than media 
dealing with nonsex- 
ual themes. H is bi 
- pornography 
portrays recreational 
sex unapologetically 
that it has been sin- 
gled ош for condei 
nation. Antisex bias 
rampant in pornog- 
raphy research and 
flawed methods ar 
to confirm re- 
searchers’ belief that 
people сап be victim- 
ized by visual por- 
trayals of sex. For 
example, pornogr. 
phy researchers are fond of using corre- 
studies. Correlation refers to two 
or more things that tend to occur togeth 
er. For example, heavy drinking and de- 
pression are highly correlated. However, 
correlation alone doesnt tell us why 
things may occur together, which occurs 
first or whether or not опе causes the oth- 
er Does heavy drinking cause depression 
or does depression cause heavy drink- 
ing? Or does a third. unknown factor—a 
biochemical imbalance or a childhood 
trauma, for example—cause both de- 
pression and drinking? 

‘Tivo recent studies, one among prison- 
ers by William Marshall and one among 
students by Mary P. Koss, have shown а 


Т ENpy sey, 
its PLEASUABLE, 


promotes respect for women’s rights? 
The problem is that while two things 
may be correlated, any number of un- 
known factors may be operating to pro- 
duce the observed effect. Christensen 
argues that any greater use of pornogra- 
phy by sex offenders than by others is 
likely due to the probability that sex of- 
fenders are more preoccupied with sex 
than others аге Sex offenders would 
therefore tend both to commit more sex 
crimes and to use more pornography— 
perhaps also to visit more massage раг- 
lors, masturbate more often, etc. That is 
not the same as saying that pornography 
(or masturbation) caused the sex crime. 
Antipornographers also point to con- 


found increased ag- 
gression in subjects 
who were recently 


watching comedy 
films or exercising 
heavily, for example. 


Can we blame an 
increase їп violence 
against women оп 


Bill Murray or Jane 
Fonda? Furthermore, 
ncc it has become 
tually impossible 
to obtain research 
grants to study posi- 
tive aspects of sex, 
few have bothered to 
test to see whether 
exposure to pornog- 
raphy т a lab also 
produces increases in 
positive behaviors. In 
fact, several studies 
have found that many forms of excite- 
ment, including sexual arousal, lead to 
subjects’ giving higher token rewards— 
just as the pornography experiments 
have produced higher token punish- 
ments. It may be, as Christensen sug- 
gests, that excitement—such as that 
experienced during exposure to porno- 
graphic films—may simply exaggerate 
all emotional responses. 

2. The subjects of these experiments 
were college students who had been 
given authoritative permission to admin- 
ister mild shocks to persons as part of a 
scientific experiment. There is no evi- 
dence to suggest that these students 
would commit actual violent attacks 


against women іп real life after viewing 
the same pornographic material. 

3. The slight increase in aggressi 
ness found in the lab lasted only a few 
minutes. Therefore, we cannot assume 
that viewing pornography in daily life 
creates long-term aggressive feelings or 
behaviors that will be acted upon at any 
moment. 

4. Exposure to porn alone, without 
the provocation by the experimenter, 
produced no increase in aggressive 
response. 

In any case. ny studies that exam- 
ined a possible connection. between 
pornography and aggression toward 
women failed to find even the dubious 


links revealed in the studies discussed 
above. In fact. some of these studies 
found a decrease in rates of many sexu- 
al offenses, especially child molestation. 


following the liberal- 
ization of. pornogr 
phy laws that took 


cired studies produced frightening 
statistics about childhood sexual abu: 
that will clearly produce а 
Sixty-two percent ol American women 
are victims of child sexual abuse, a 
cording to the first study, апа 19 per 
cent are victims of childhood incest. 
according to the second. However, the 
definition used for child sexual abusc in 
the first study was broad enough t0 pos- 
sibly include one I7-year-okl's making 
suggestive remarks to another 17-уеат- 
old. Although that situation may cause 
problems and even traumas, does the 
sexual harassment of a sexually ma- 
t woman past the age of consent 
really belong in the same category as. 
say, the anal rape of a three-year-old by 
а parent? 

The definition of incestuous child 
sexual abuse used in the second study 


Of SX 


se buse, and by including exper 
ences between persons very distantly 
(or not at all) related in their defini 
of incest. victimologists degrade the e: 
perience of persons who have suffered 
ual childhood sexual abuse or incest 
by diluting thc terms until they are ren- 
dered virtually meaningless. 

While comparatively innocuous inci- 
dents such as voluntary kissing or peer 
sexual harassment may not necessarily 
have made up a large portion of the in- 
stances reported in the studies de- 
scribed. above, the use of such broad 
definitions is indicative of a wide range 
of research abuses committed in victim- 
ological sexual-abuse studies. These 
abuses include the mtentional structur- 
ing of questionnaires and interviews so 
that only information that will confirm 
the viewpoint of the researchers can be 

reported by subjects. 
When all of these 
research abuses are 


place during the Sev- 
entes While we 
should not conclude 
from such findings 
that pornography de- 
creases sexual crime, 
nether should ме 
conclude that à in- 
creases it. 


SEN-ABUSE RESEARCH. 


Unlike pornogra- 
phy and sex addic- 
tion, child sexual 
abuse is å genuinely 
serious social prob- 
lem and itis here that 
the poverty of the 
new sex research is 
most apparent. In this 
research,  victimologi delibe: 
play upon our concern for children's 
well-being in order to propagate their 
own antisexual agenda. As with the 
ssue of pornography, i 
itself that is the ultimate target, and 
several prominent sexual-abuse re- 
searchers moonlight as antipornogra- 
phy activists—campaigning against 
what they term the current “porno- 
graphic reign of terror” and indicting 
male sexuality as inherently “exploi 
and predator! 

Scientific abuses аге committed. by 
these researchers with impunity, since 
any criticism or diflering approach is 
met with accusations of "condoner of 
child molestation” against the critic. 
Consequently, propagandistic mani 
lation ol statistics and bias in the design 
and conduct of research flourish virtu- 
ally unchallenged 

For example, two recent well-publi 


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stepbrother and a voluntary long-term 
relationship between a 17-year-old and 
a very distantly related 22-year-old. 
his uncontrolled broadening of 

definitions for child sexual abuse and 
incest sometimes reaches hallucinatory 
proportions, as when one self-pro- 
claimed sexual-abuse expert, E. Sue 
Blume, insists that "at least 27000,000 
American women are current and fu- 
ture survivors of child sexual abuse" 
and includes in her definition of 
sexual experiences between a victi 
and her “dentist, piano teacher or 
priest 

By including ver! 
hibitioni: 


al harassment, ex- 
n, voyeurism, peer experi- 
ences, voluntary experiences and 
experiences involving people up to the 
age of 18 in their definitions of child 


added together, statis- 
tical findings become 
useless to anyone ç 
ously wishing to u 
derstand this issue 
Victimologists have 
become so carried 
away by their 
hysteria thar they. 
have begun to target 
childhood sexplay as 
a form of sexual 
abuse and a breeding 
ground for future pe- 
dophiles and sexual 
abusers. “For a long 
time, most people 
wrote just 


own 


gins a recent newspa- 
рег article reporting this research. 
Now authorities know better. Children 
as young as four and five are sexually 
abusing other children." 

Obviously. it is not sexual abuse that 
worries these people but sex itself 

In a fundamentally antisexual cul- 
ture, all information pertaining to sex 
must be examined for its potential 
origins as negative sexual propaganda 
Despite the portrait of our sexual land- 
scape that victimologists and their f 
low travelers wish to paint human 
beings continue to make love and to 
stay healthier and happier because of it 
If there is a sexual Armageddon in our 
future, the antisex research is, if any- 
thing, an agent of its approach 


Researcher Paul Okami presented his 
critique of the new sex research al the re- 
сет annual meeting of the Society for the 
Scientific Study of Se 


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PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: EDWARD JAMES OLMOS 


a candid conversation with the actorlactivist about “miami vice,” 
E de^ sr Қ з А 
stand and deliver,” education and the growth of hispanic culture 


Last July, when Time magazine ғап the 
cover story “Hispanic Culture Breaks Ош of 
the Barrio,” about the rise of the fastest-grow- 
ing population in America, the face gracing 
the cover was that of Edward James Olmos. 
At that time, the craggy, intense face was fa- 
miliar primarily to aficionados of “Miami 
Vice,” on which he plays the darkly enigmatic 
Lieutenant Martin Castillo. But Time pin- 
pointed what others in the entertainment in- 
dustry had believed for years: “He is not only 
possibly the best Hispanic-American actor of 
his generation but one of the best performers 
working today.” Olmos’ 1988 portrayal of the 
heroic inner-city math teacher Jaime Es- 
calanie in “Stand and Deliver” served to 
confirm that status and earned Мт an 
Academy Award nomination for Best Actor. 

Several of Olmos" earlier performances 
have become cult classics. In 1982's “The 
Ballad of Gregorio Cortez,” he played a Mex- 
ican farmer in Texas; and in the role of El 
Pachuco, which he created for the Luis Valdez 
musical drama “Zoot Suit”—for the theater 
and then a film—his depiction of the strut- 
ling street dude won both the L.A. Drama 
Critics Circle Award and a Tony nomination. 
Currently, he is shooting а film in Poland 
about Auschwitz survivors, "Triumph of the 
Spirit” 

As committed as Olmos is to acting, he is 


perhaps even more commitied to his volunteer 
activity for literally dozens of causes. Not on- 
ly has he become Americas most visible 
spokesman for the burgeoning Hispanic com- 
munity and culture, with its myriad special 
needs and problems—he helped form the 
Mexican Earthquake Relief Fund in 1985— 
but his devotion to youth and education has 
proved his most time-consuming, gratifying 
pursuit. He speaks to kids in tough, troubled 
environments—schools, juvenile halls and 
Native American reservalions—on the aver 
age of 150 times a year; he works with dis- 
abled and sexually abused children; he makes 
antidrug public-service announcements; he 
brings together warring Los Angeles barrio 
gangs. His creda is “If they call and Pm 
available, ГИ go." He has been known, many 
times, to make а backbrealing one-day 
round-trip flight from Miami (his main cur- 
rent home) lo Los Angeles to speak for 45 
minutes to a group in behalf of a cause. 
Eddie Olmos was born 42 years ago in 
Boyle Heights, the inner city of L.A., justa 
few miles from the Garfield High School of 
“Stand and Deliver” His maternal grand- 
parents were Mexican revolutionaries, own- 
ers of a radical newspaper. His father, Pedro, 
was born in Mexico City and educated only to 
the sixth grade; after he immigrated to the 
United States at the age of 21, he went bach to 


“The film ‘Stand and Deliver і about the tri- 
umph of the human spirit. Its about some- 
thing we've lost—the joy of learning, the joy 
of making our brains develop. Is like ‘Rocky’ 
and ‘Chariots of Fire.” 


“1 believe the future of the Western Hemi- 
sphere lies totally in the hands of the His- 
panic woman. Because of machismo and 
jealousy on the part of Hispanic males, the 
only person to unite us is the woman.” 


school and eventually graduated from high 
school. Olmos" mother, a chic (ап Ameri- 
can of Mexican descent), left school after the 
eighth grade but insisted that her own kids— 
пе girls and four boys —be well educated; 
she herself returned to school and will gradu- 
ate from junior college next year. Education, 
to Olmos, has been a lifetime passion, more 
tempting than the lure of the drug, street and 
gang life swirling around him through his 
early years. 

His parents’ divorce when he was eight 
shaped his life in several fundamental ways: 
He is dedicated to personal discipline (he saw 
that he could avoid loneliness by focusing on 
one project he loved); he is determinedly am- 
bitious (people didn't bother him when he 
worked hard and succeeded); and, mostly, he 
has abiding ties and devotion to the barrio, 
which for him was а place of intense extend- 
ed-family-like relationships with Korean 
Chinese, Mexicans, Russians and Native 
Americans, all together on one block. 

A self-taught piano player, Olmos formed a 
band called Eddie and the Pacific Ocean and 
was lead vocalist while still a hair-down-to- 
the-waist teenager. Rock and roll was his pas- 
sion—Chuck Berry, Little Richard. Fats 
Domino. By the mid-Sixties, he was attending 
Cal State University by day and playing se 
en nights a week at the popular Gazzarrix 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY J. BRIAN MING 


“When I speak, I say to kids, "I'm your worst 
nightmare. With me, all your excuses go out 
the window. Youre looking at a guy with an 
upbringing no different from yours. Then 
they sit up straight and и gets quiet.” 


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night club on the Sunset Strip. 

By 1967, Olmos had discovered acting. He 
had also met, lived with and married Кайа 
Keel, the daughter of actorlsinger Howard 
Keel, and they had two sons, Mico and Bodie, 
now high school students in Miami. Olmos 
and Keel have been married for 18 years 

Like scores of struggling actors, Olmos 
spent years scraping together a living, doing 
tiny parts on “Kojak” and "Hawaii Five-O” 
and delivering antique furniture—the real 
financial ballast of his familys life for a 
decade. Then came the proverbial lucky 
break: landing the role of El Pachuco in 
“Zoot Suit,” a play that awakened the city of 
Los Angeles to its Hispanic population, to its 
racial tensions and to the chicano communi- 
гух fight for identity. Olmos poured his entire 
life into the part—his Mexican heritage, his 
street savvy, his anger, his ability to do perfect 
splits. The show opened for а ten-day run bul 
тап for a year and a half until it moved to 
Broadway, where it closed after seven weeks 
but earned its star a Tony nomination. 

After that, Olmos landed feature parts in 
“Wolfen,” “Blade Runner” and “The Ballad 
of Gregorio Cortez.” “Ballad,” made origi- 
nally for American Playhouse on public tele- 
vision, would have died quickly had it not 
been Jor Olmos’ characteristic perseverance. 
When no studio chose to distribute the film, 
he started showing й free every Saturday 
morning al a Hollywood theater, waiting for 
word of mouth to spread. He spent two years 
promoting this low-budget film on the film- 
society cireuil, turning down more than 
$500,000 worth of standard acting work in 
order to have it seen. 

Then, in 1984, along came “Miami Vi 
The part of Castillo was meant to be sec- 
ondary to Crockett and Tubbs, but created by 
Olmos, il became the moral center of a show 
that, in its first few years, transformed the 
economy of a city, the look and style of televi- 
sion drama aud the world of mens fashion 
And it earned a ferociously determined Ed. 
ward James Olmos Emmy and Golden Glabe 
awards and substantially altered his life 

Playboy sent LA-based journalist Мен 
Seligson to Miami to talk with Olmos about 
the wide spectrum of his commitments and 
passions. She reports: "I was expecting Olmos 
to open the door like Castillo —mysterious, 
coiled, aloof, intimidating. Instead. I found a 
gentle, soft-spoken man who loves to talk. 
heres not much chitchat in his repertoire but 
a lot of heartfelt conversation about his con- 
cerns and dedications. And 1 quickly discou- 
ered there is almost nothing about which 
Eddie Olmos feels neutral. 

“We spent five days hanging out, me tag- 
ging along on what he assured me was a typi- 
cal week, only one long day of which was 
spent on the set of Miami Vice. In that 
hotbed of male bonding, Don Johnson acts the 
somewhat temperamental, fairly inaccessible 
megastar, while Eddie is just one of the folks. 
The crew frequently enters his trailer to swap 
Jokes or talk about rock music. He wears no 
make-up, hes not patted and puffed, signs 
downs of autographs and is consciously 


pleasant to everybody. We watched sunsets 
from the deck of his beautiful and spacious 
home while he spoke of his unflagging grati- 
tudo for his expensive new toys—which 
include a Porsche, a BMW and a twenty-six- 
foot speedboat. Bul, clearly, the real treasures 
were in his living room—dozens of awards 
and plaques, mostly stacked in piles on the 
bookshelves. | was stunned by the sheer quan- 
tity of community work the man does, 

“In his jazzy red Porsche, he tooled me 
around his beloved Miami, a city in which he 
is a major celebrity—toll takers and waitress- 
es and doormen give ham that ‘look’ reserved 
for the occasional stratospheric Мах 

“But the most powerful time 1 spent was 
accompanying him on two of the regular jour- 
neys he makes to speak to disadvantaged kids. 
The first was to а high school about thirty 
miles southwest of Miami, to the children of 
migrant field workers—about two hundred 
of them, equal proportions of blacks, Hispan- 
tes and whites. This school has overwhelming 
problems with gangs, drugs and dropouts, 
and when they gathered in the assembly to lis- 
ten to this celebrity, they struck self-conscious 
‘attitude’ poses. But then, slowly, as he spoke, 
funny, not lecturing, talking about his own 


“Jesuits are very strict 

with themselves, very 

disciplined, and so is 
Castillo. 1 would like 

to think of myself that way.” 


life, answering with candor questions about 
Don Johnson and money—always the stu- 
dents! most overl concern—they woke up and 
listened. They became enraptured with his 
soft-sell message of I was just like you; I had 
no natural gifts, no advantages, bul I worked 
damned hard and here I am in my red Car- 
vera signing autographs’ He entertained 
them as only an actor can, and I believed that 
he was gelting through to them about the pos- 
sibility of their creating a future for them- 
selves unfettered by the past. Later in the 
week, when we visited a juvenile hall and he 
spoke ta the toughest hard-vore kids, I had the 
same feeling. Something was secping into 
them from his words, from his own personal 
story, from his style and from his humanity. 
We both left those events high and hopeful, 1 
think the kids did, too.” 


PLAYBOY: Lers begin with Miami Vice. How 
do you feel about its ending in May? 

OLMOS: Mixed. In some ways, l'm very ex- 
cited about the future and, in other ways, 
very saddened that we have to get off the 
air. But one of the reasons Um not terribly 
sad is that I have had a big problem with 
the stories recently, They have gotten to be 
so repetitive. I know people are really try- 


ing their hardest to get them out, but as 
soon as the executive producer, Michael 
Mann, took hands off the dire 
after the first year, the show changed 
PLAYBOY: It seemed to have had one or two 
seasons of enor access, when every- 
thing was and innovative ће 
famed Miami Vice style—but then it didn't 
grow: Do you share that opinion? 

OLMOS: Yes, и seemed to deteriorate, actu- 
ally, it began after the first year. Nothing 
was really able 10 top the excitement of that 
st season. Later, it became a parody о! 
self. It was sad, too, because once it was 
great, great entertainment. 

PLAYBOY: Tell us about your character Lieu- 
tenant Castillo, Miami Vice's enigmatic 
mystery man. Who ¿s he? 

OLMOS: He's mysterious because you don't 
know very much about his life. Actually, 
he's a fairly normal guy who has been beat- 
en back by life. In one early episode, it was 
aled that he had lost his family and all 
friends, he was betrayed by his own 
. So what he learned 
about life made him very bitter 

PLAYBOY: Bu ve never learned 
much else about llo in all the years of 
the show. 

OLMOS: Yeah, the concept of the show was 
never to develop any of the other charac 
ters besides ockeu and Tubbs. Miami 
Vice is more in the vein of J Spy than in the 
vein of Hill Street Blues, Ws a buddy piece 
rather than an ensemble piece. In Hill 
Street Blues, you learned about а lot of 
characters; In / Spy, you learned about the 
two main characters. Thats what our show 
is, too. 

PLAYBOY: But many сг think Castillo 
turned out to be the most interesting ch: 
acter on the show, Was the character given 
to you fully formed or did you invent 
Castillo as you went along? 

OLMOS: 1 dont think that the producers 
were expecting him to turn out this мау 
All anybody knew about Castillo at the 
start was that he was the lieutenant. Per 
od. There was no bible on Castillo. 
PLAYBOY: Bible? 

OLMOS: A bible is the background and hi 
tory of the character you're playing. It tells 
you where he comes from, what his feel- 
in The writ € given the bible so 
they will know what the characters about 
Not having one for Castillo gave me the 
freedom to create him. The only thing 
Michael Mann said in the beginning was 
that he could llo as one of those 
ruthless Jesuit priests. You know, Jesuits are 


nous 


fresh 


viewers h 


very strict with themselves, very disci- 
plined, and so is Castillo. I would like to 
i values that. 


k of myself and my ow 


essent 
under: 
termination, perseverance and patience. 

PLAYBOY: When you got the part of Castillo, 
done a series before. How 


61 


PLAYBOY 


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OLMOS: On a Wednesday afternoon in 
1984, Michael Mann called to offer me the 
part. I turned it down. I said, “Ica 
Mike. I c: sign an ехсінкіме contract.” 1 
had turned down a part in Hill Street Blues 
fort id, “Thank you 
very, very much for asking” and hung up 
the telephone. My wife, Kaija, said, “Look, 
man, the odds are that the network isn't 
going to pick up the show—how many 


t do it 


same reason. So I s; 


shows do they do for thirteen weeks and 


you never hear of them again?” I said 
“With my luck, the show will run for five 
years and ГЇЇ be boxed їп; then welll be 
stuck in Miami, And when something 1 
want to do comes up—one of the movies 


that Гуе been trying hard to make for ten 
I won't be able to make it because 
[m on a TV show. I can't do it” She said, “I 
think you better go talk 1 your son, be- 
cause he doesn't understand why his father 
doesn't want to work.” See, we didn't have 


year 


any money 
PLAYBOY: You were broke? 
OLMOS 
м 


: Well, we weren't starving on the 


s; we just didn't have any money. We 
owned our own house, and the payment 
was two hundred and seventy-seven dol- 
lars a month. We did not live above ош 
means. I had worked very hard to support 
ту family, delivering furniture and doing 
odd jobs and working on my acting. But we 
still had the same old 1968 Volkswagen 
that had three hundred thousand miles on 
it, and we were very conservative in our ex- 
penditures 

PLAYBOY: What happened next? 

OLMOS: So I went in and talked 10 my 
eleven-year-old son for twenty minutes. I 
explained to him how I was patterning my 
life and how I had always said no to money 
and yes w good stories. If the моту was 
good and the values were good, and if 1 
could understand the passion aud the com- 
mitment. then I could do it. Because I 
wasn'ta great actor. I tokt 


п. "I'm not ev- 
er going to know the mastery of this craft; 
it's too intricate. I just hope I c 
material to use in a positive way" When 1 


п choose 


finished talking to my son, he said he un- 
derstood, But he really didn't. 

Fifteen minutes later, the phone rang. It 
was Michael Mann again. He raised the 
nty-five hundred dollars. I 


weekly price tw 
said I really appreciated it, but it had noth 
ing to do with money. ГА said no to money 


before, I would continue to say no. Fifteen 
minutes after that, the phone rang—he 
was raising the price again 
PLAYBOY: Were you getting tempted? 
OLMOS: Yeah, I was tempted, of course. I 
could see my future changing. My wile was 
saying, “Lts probably only [or a few weeks.” 
But I said no again. Twenty minutes lat- 
er—now you're talking about the fourth 
phone call—he raised the price again, and 
I said to myself, “Now hes offering me 
nore money før eight weeks’ work than my 
her made in a year” If the show w 
ne full season, it would һе more than my 
father probably made in his lifetime 
PLAYBOY: Hollywood money. 


OLMOS: Unbelievable! So he raised the 
price I no again. By now, he 
had се two and mes 


from where he started. Twenty minutes 
later, on the fifth phone call, he said, 
gotit” I said, “What?” He said, “You got 


But we've never argued that Miami Vice 
shows a realistic world. Its a heightened re- 


PLAYBOY: Are vou s 
are essentially ina 
OLMOS: 


as far as 


to base them on, 
ed. Most of 


deaths and car crashes per commercial. 
PLAYBOY: One of the criticisms of the show 
is that it has actually glamorized the drug 
hure—with the mansions, the pools, the 
gorgeous women and the yachts 

OLMOS: Well. it has glamorized the lifestyle 
of the high-profile drug dealer. But then 
you read in the pa- 


nonexcl 1. Just give me 
days and 

out.” 

PLAYBOY: Is that 

what nonexclusive 


you 


can И you 
wantz 
OLMOS: Yeah. 1 


could leave to do a 
movie. Then 1 could 
go back when 
finished. And 
couldn't write 
ош of the 
while I was gone. 
They had gotten 


t was 
they 
пс 
show 


me; they had check- 
mated ше. The 
amazing thing is 


now, in the 
son, Pm using this 
dause to leave the 
show and do a film 
called Triumph of the 
Spirit in. Poland. 1 
wouldnt have been 
able to be in hi 
film if ГА had an ex- 
clusive contract. 
PLAYBOY: Do Philip 
Michael Thomas 
and Don Johnson 
have nonexclusive 
contracts? 

OLMOS: No one in 
the history of televi- 
sion has ever had 


per that one of the 
gest banks in the 
world is financed by 
drug money and 
1hat the laundering 
of drug money is 
probably its num- 
ber-one г 

you start to realize 
that Miami Vice is 
not glorifying am 
thing. We can't even 
get as excessive аз 
their lifestyles really 
are. Not only here 
but anywhere сім 
Ше word. You're 
talking about а hun- 
dred-and-fifty-bil- 
lion-dollar-a-year 
market. Thats big- 
ger than the defense 
industry! 

So, you tell 

how much do we 
и? Peo- 


ше, 


Crockett 
flamboyant. But 
the where 
these guys work in 
this city, you could 
not get in undercov- 
er if you were dri 
а ‘Fifty-nine 
Chevy with dened 


such a contract. Pro- fenders. The under- 
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types bother уоп? 
OLMOS: Yeah, even 
though a stereotype 
is always based on 
some form of 
But the show 
definitely has a ten- 
deney to perpetuate 
stereotypes and also 
is chauvinistic 10- 


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quently portrays 
the drug world in an 
exploitative way, but 
what you have to 
remember is that 
there's a lot of truth 
in that glorification. 
PLAYBOY: But what 
about the kid who 


watches Miami Vice 


ward women. I have 

п ito intense discussions with the 
producers about that and Гуе had some 
big blowouts with them over it. But one of 
the truths. lly in the Miami arca, is 
that the soldier on the street is usually 
black or Hispanic. If you were to do Bulle, 
Montana, Vice, about the guys who are 
dealing drugs there on the street level. 
you'd be showing Anglo-Saxon dealers. 


Miami Vice is fiction. Most of the writers 
dont even come from here. They dont 
know anything about Miami: it’s one of the 
problems with the program. Most of them 
have never been to this city. They use 
mula. And that formula, to me. lea 
to be desired 

PLAYBOY: And what's the formula? 
OLMOS: number of exci 


for- 


and 


sees dealing 
day as å 
his father does—d! 
king in а re nt? [sn 
the message youre giving hi 
OLMOS: Except when they have the 
squad after them and you see what hap- 
pens to them. Most of those dealers end up 
dead in the show. Or in jail. But 
inly true that we read e 


cab or we 


ice 


tet 


Mar 


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newspapers that crime does pay 
doesn't take our show to emph: 
PLAYBOY: How is the show chauvinistic? 

OLMOS: Women are just used as decor, 
Once in 
а woman is shown in 
mainly. they're sullering victims. Even the 
two female detectives on the show are not 
really used enough to show the positiv 
having women on the force. In terms of 
r dress. Trudy and Gina ar 
vice activities. so thats 
standable: but every other wi 
usually dressed in a very exploi 
Irs a male-oriented show. 

PLAYBOY: And there aren't rea 


ly any ongo- 
married 


for, what, five > 
OLMOS: The concept is that the show is 
about the inside dealings оГ police work, 
not what happens to the guy once he 
finishes blowing away somebody and goes 
ho ad sits down to а cup of coffee and 
his kid. Its that kind of show. 

PLAYBOY: Let's talk about Stand and Deliv- 
the ler who hasn't seen it, tell us 
the story of Jaime Escalante. 

OLMOS: How do you describe this plot line? 
Its the t y of a teacher who helps a 
group of minority kids understand the val- 
ue of education and helps them take а 
mathematics examination twice. When 
this on paper, it just doesn't 
y wanted to buy it. Thats 
why it took us so long to sell it. 105 not what 
they call in Hollywood “high concept.” In 
fact, it’s the worst concept. 

PLAYBOY: Let's try again. 


a very gift- 
ner city 
ету 


ed and committed teacher a 
pol in L. A. who takes eigh 


go to college, and convinces them that they 


should prepare themselves to take one of 
the most difficult tests in the world—the 
Advanced Placement calculus exam—to 
get them college credit. That's it, the not- 
very-exciting story. But what really hap- 
pens is, these kids eventually understand 
the potential they have to become masters 
of their own destiny, to be the best they can 
be as human beings. That's what is so in- 
spiring about Stand and Deliver. Ws one of 
the most uplifting films Гуе ever seen 
PLAYBOY: What has been the impa 
Stand and Deliver since its release? 
OLMOS: I think it will be worth more in the 
year 2050 than it is in 1989. I tell you, if 1 
never do another thing in my life but this. 
I will be forever grateful to have been 
given the opportunity to make и. Because 
of Stand and Deliver, Гус been asked to be 
the keynote speaker at a conference of four 
hundred or five hundred executives from 
the largest corporations in America who 
get together to look at how business c 
further the advancement of society. Do y 
know what the power of that group is? 
PLAYBOY: What do people say to you about 
the mov 
OLMOS: Oh, it’s 
up to me on th 


t of 


monumental. People walk 
street, in planes. Neve 


have I done anything that has gouen this 
response. People thank me; they talk about 
the value of education and how that’s lack- 
g in our political structure. So the movie 
has just begun to awaken the need to make 
education a number-one priority in рой 
tics, During the Presidential debates, 
‚eorge Bush, if you remember, labeled 
Jaime Escalante as one of his heroes, and 
Reagan gave him the highest award he 
could—the Presidential Freedom Award 
. But the best 
hers, who сту, who 
This is why I got into the profession.” 
have been standing ovations at per- 
pees, not only here but in Germany 
and Australia 

You know, the film is really about the t 
umph of the human spirit. Its about some- 
thing we've lost—the joy of learning, the 

aking our brains develop. It evokes 

as as Rocky. Chariots of Fire, 
The Miracle Worker. 
PLAYBOY: What has happened to Garfield. 
High School? 
OLMOS: Because of J: and because of 
the movie, the school's feeling of pride has 
made it become one of the top schools in 
the L.A. area. That from having been close 
to losing its accreditation. 
PLAYBOY: To what does taking the Ай- 
vanced Placement calculus exam entitle 
the student? 
OLMOS: High school and college credit. 
And, in terms of getti 
n just about call your own shot when you 
pass that es Because only two 


for Excellence іп Fducatio 
response is from tea 
say. 


ge, you 


ation. 
percent of the entire student population in 


passing it. 
PLAYBOY: All eighteen of Escalante's stu- 


dents passed the first year, Thar's remark- 
ble. 
OLMOS: He had eighty-six percent of the 
students pass it in 1987. Last year, the per- 
centage dropped to sixty-seven, and he at- 
tributes the reduction to the amount of 
tention the film brought to the school 
The press was around there all the time 
and it was just too overwhelming for him 
and the students. But he contends that it’s 
the number of students who take the ех- 
have the confidence to prepare 
it in the room—that makes 
the difference. Not how many pass or how 
high they score. 
PLAYBOY: What has happened to that class 
of 1982, the Stand and Deliver group, since 
graduation? 
OLMOS: | think all but two of the eighteen 
graduated from college and are pro- 
fessionals or n school and intending to 
grad . One girl went to USC and got 
her master's degree in business in five 
years, when it normally take: 
PLAYBOY: What is it about Escalante tha 
spires such transformation in students? 
OLMOS: Jaime Escalante is truly gifted, 
even beyond his dedication and commit- 
ment. He is gifted with the ability to make 
complex math very practical. I've been in 


his classroom. He does parabolas off the 
eem Abdul-Jabbar's sky hook. 
And he uses Jerry West as a straight line. 
So when he uses number forty-four, ev 
body knows what hes talking about. Jerry 
West! Forty-four! Straight line! It’s so u 
believably wonderful I cant tell you. He 
has shown that it does not take а speciallv 
gifted student to understand the concepts 
of calculus. He says, “If you've got the de- 
sire. ГИ get you through it. But you must 
come to class e desire, the ganas. 

He also requires the student and the par- 
ents to sign a contract, which he signs as 
well. It says. "When vou come to class with 
desire, I will come to class with as much de- 
sire, if not more, to teach.” So it’s a commit- 
ment made by everybody involved. 

aime has а —the ability to touch 
your heart, to spin you around and enter- 
tain you. Hi s catches his students off 
balance, bringing out hule tøys. using 
props and disguises to keep their interest 

and then has a mastery of the subject mat- 
ter that he's trying to teach 

PLAYBOY: So the subject doesn't have to be 


advanced math in order for this transfor- 
mation to occur. It could be history or 
Shakespeare. 


OLMOS: I think that it was essential that it 
did come out of mathematics. As the movie 
says, mathematics is the great equalizer, 
the universal language. You can speak to 
Russians in mathema most every lan- 
guage uses the same kind of mathematical 
symbols. And it also happens to be the 
foundation for thought and theory: It actu- 
ally develops the portion of the brain that 
calculates, that makes choices. 

PLAYBOY: Did those kids see that in the 
course ol their study? 

OLMOS: Oh, yeah. He told them constantly: 
"Where are the jobs? Where's the money? 
It's in computers, it's in medicine, it’s in en- 
gineering, it's in electronics. And whats 
the language? Mathematics." 

PLAYBOY: Did you study math? 

OLMOS: I think a lot of us were afraid то 
step into that arena. When they told me in 
the eleventh grade that I had completed 
my two years of algebra and my one year of 
geometry and | had all my ma 
sites for college, I said, “Well, that's gr 
And I didn't take any more math. Now I 
regret it. I should have taken trigonometry, 
math analysis and tried to go on to cal- 
culus. I think all students should be into 
calculus by the time they graduate from 
high school. 

PLAYBOY: And now vou have а project to get 
Stand and Deliver placed in every school. 
OLMOS: Yes. lt is going to happen. We made 
the film first and then we went out and so- 
licited the financial help of major corpora- 
tions in America. Pepsi was the first one to 
join up, then Arco. They helped sponsor 
the film in the first place for America 
Playhouse. And now we have IBM and 
General Motors committed. My idea is to 
put a cassette in every private, parochial 
and public school. Also in every libra 
correctional institution, Boys and 


А We 
i^ 


= 


% 
қ: 


“ 


ALE 


ar: 


а TASTES GREAT. 


9 i å ы SE 


Clubs of 
һоу 


merica, the girl scout 
children’s hospitals, Indi 
reservations—places that can benefit from 
the movie. It was a God-sent project and 
I'm really happy that Jaime Escala 

alive and well today 

PLAYBOY; Not too long ago, your 
peared on the cover of Time with the head- 
line “Hispanic Culture Breaks Out of the 
Barrio.” Does that me 
you the spokesman for 2 
community? 

OLMOS: If vou w 
Why do you and other people need to look 
av me as а Hispanic-American actor, in- 
stead of just an actor? Гуе never heard 
anyone say, “Ladies and gentlemen, here 
he is, that great |ewish-American actor, 
Dustin Hollman.” Or “Here he is. that 


scouts, 


now label 


ish. But I always wonder. 


De Nir 
Hispanic-Am 
Olmos." ГИ never underst 
myself as an actor, as a human being who 
happens to be a Hispanic-American. 1 do 
have mixed blood, by the way; Fm a mesti- 
го рагі Spaniard, part Native American. 
But Stand and Deliver 15 now called a 
great Hispanic-A merican movie. Is inter- 
esting how a positive situation, such as the 
identification with ones cultur п be 
distorted so that it boxes you in. 
PLAYBOY: Arent you perpetuating some of 
that by the kind of parts you play? 
OLMOS: Well. I dont play just Hispanic- 
Americans. Ги about to go to Poland to do 
a hlm in which I play a Greek gyp: 
prisoned at Auschwitz. But 1 have made а 
conscious choice to do certain stories 
excite me. And Fve turned down some t 
I was offered because I couldn't find my- 
self in the stories. Like, they originally of- 
fered me the George С. Scott part in 
Firestarter. And Scarface, where 1 couldnt 
see any reason at all to make that movie. 
And they wanted me to be in Red Dawn. 
Most of those were non-Hispanic roles. 1 
just chose not to do them. And the stories 
that I did choose io do happened to be His 
ters. ПУ interesting, though 
п Playboy erviewed De Niro, 
эзоп, their ethnicity 


wasn't 
PLAYBOY: Well, they arent associated with 
their ethnicity and you are. And there 
Jewish and Italian actors who are ass 
ed with their cthnicity as well 
OLMOS: People have placed me in th 
tion, Time placed me in that pos 
Pm nor going to deny my culture. 
proud ol what I am. 

So. who do you consider а 


ca 
PLAYBOY: We knew you would ask th 
OLMOS: Well, answer it. Yeah, yor 
Who do you think is a Scottish-An 
or? Or a Swedish-American actor? Ov 
а... you see, the only ones who get it 
black. H can and 


acto 


PLAYBOY: Jewish- 
Hirsch. 


ша 


OLMOS: Wrong! No one has ever told him, 
“Youre a great Jewish-American actor” 
But people put a tag on me. Why? 
PLAYBOY: Maybe it has to do with the grow- 
nthe US. 


PLAYBOY: I hats good, isn't 
OLMOS: Did I ever say that it was bad? 
PLAYBOY: Lets take you out of this angu- 
ment for a minut will probably not 
do а story called “The Jew іп America: 
People would yawn—they'd say, “We've 
ading about the Jew in America for 
decades already.” But they havent been 
reading about the Hispanic culture. [suit 
that part of it? 
OLMOS: | know. 


beet 


Guill. А tremendous 
amount of guilt. And ГЇ bet you anything 
the next thing to be covered will be: 
Who's the hot Asian actor around now? 
H we had an Eddie Olmos who w 
Japanese. you might be sitting in his trai 
PLAYBOY: One of the emoti 
Issue urban America these days is bil 
gual education. What are your thoughts 
about tha 
OLMOS: I believe i gual education, to- 
tally. In areas with a large Latino popu 
tion, they should do what theyve been 
doing here in Miami for twenty y 
offer all students Spanish and English. 
PLAYBOY: What was it like when you were a 
student in L.A.7 

OLMOS: When I got to Belvedere El 
tary, there was a sign on the wall that said. 
IF LE ISNT WORTH. SAVING IN ENGLISH, IT. ISNT 
WORTH SAYING AT ALL. H was done for the 
kids betterment—everyone thought at the 
me. It was commonplace, going to school 
па being told that you must speak Eng- 
lish. H was very good. Everyone should 
speak English, and everyone should learn 
tO speak Spanish, and everyone should 
learn to speak computer. Those are the 
three languages that must be spoken in the 
Western Hemisphei 
PLAYBOY: Why Spanish: 
OLMOS: Because more people spea 
Spanish than any other language in th 
Western Hemisphere. And it should be 
spoken as they speak English in other 
parts of the world. In Latin America, 
schools start teaching English in the first 
grade, And you have to take English for 
ight years. Is just part of life. 

PLAYBOY: Do your children speak Spanish? 
OLMOS: Yes, they do. They don't speak it 
fluently, but they are speaking bette: 
better, with the help of the school syst 
hers n extraordina 
about twenty years ahead of the 
country in dealing with some of the prob- 
lems that othe € soon going to be 
hit with. Politically, Hispanics are much 
more involved and organized here. And 
they level. 
Most of those who came here in the Fifi 
from Batistas Cuba, we il 
They were doctors. lawyers 


arcas å 


e eca 


d people 
who set up their own businesses, And ev- 
erything became bilingual. 

PLAYBOY: A Hisp: 


ic politician has sai 


We are the fastest-growing group but the 
least educated.” Do you agree or disagree? 
OLMOS: l'm not sure of observations like 
that and Pm not an expert on that situa 
tion. I do know that most of the people 
who immigrate to this country from Latin 
America are cither striving for eco 
relief from their existence 


ic 


п poverty- 
e kind of 
jonary war country And 
educ п the Hispanic 
who is native-born and raised in this coun 


t we have to look at and really 
10 try to understand how to deal with 
in every city with a Hispanic community 
PLAYBOY: Theresa rich mixture of Hispan- 
ic cultures іп America—Mexican. Central 
іі South American, Puerto Rican, 
Cuban—yet they're all lumped together 
under the umbrella called Hispanic. 15 
that a problem? 
OLMOS: Yeah. 1 really think so. They 
. say, the Swedes and 
e Latino, they all 
speak Spanish, but they're very different. 
Lumping them all together under one 
banner has a positive eflect and a negative 
effect. The positive effect is that they be- 
come a more viable commodity to deal 
with; you have to reckon with the strength 
of that group of individuals. But theres a 
problem with respect to their cultural 
backgrounds, which are very different. 
PLAYBOY: In what ways? 
OLMOS: Customs, foods. clothing, their in- 
digenous roots. The basic foods—rice and 
beans—are the same. But the meals are 
completely different. The values are differ 
ent. And the manner in which they deal 
with certain characteristics, such as 
machismo, is different. 
PLAYBOY: Tell us about that. 
OLMOS: Machismo is found іп all male ani- 
mals; it's not indigenous to the Hispanic. 
But vou see it a lot in the depictions of the 
stereotype of the Hispanic male. I dont 
know the different cultures well enough to 
decipher every single one of them. know 
only my own, the Mexican. I was speaking 
to the Cuban-American National Council 
here. I said I believe that the future of the 
Western Hemisphere lies in ihe hands of 
Hispanic жоі And there was si- 
lence. And I said I felt that it was very 
difficult because of machismo and ego 
have a grea 
ans jealousy, Because of jealousy, 
Hispanic male can't fully collaborate 
with other Hispanic males. So really, the 
only person who's going to unite us as а 
people and as a force is the woman. Ве 
ause of her г ig of children and he 
love of mankind through the child. she can 
look past cultural differences. past money, 
and see the common bond of humankind. 
PLAYBOY: Do you think that much of that 


ins, They 


and—we word—envidia. 


Thi 


under filtrated the Latino 
culture 
OLMOS: The male culture, period. You 


ли the differences 
Hispanic males 


got to stop thinking а 


between Hispanic а 


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when you get to those questions. 

PLAYEOY: Why? 

OLMOS: Because there's nothing more 
volatile than that kind of question. The 
Japanese, the Asian, the Native American, 
the Anglo-Saxon, the black, the Hispan- 
ic—they all have their own sense of 
machismo and their own sense of dignity 
and pride, being able to walk among men 
PLAYEOY: What about the Hispanic’s assimi- 
lating into mainstream American culture? 
Does that concern you 
OLMOS: I don't think that any culture really 
assimilates. It’s like the theory of making a 
gumbo soup or making а rich salad. I be- 
lieve in the salad theory: 

PLAYBOY: What is the distinction? 

OLMOS: Тһе difference is that in the soup, 
or melting-pot, con- 
cept, all the ingredi- 
ents dissolve and 
become more than 
they were, blending 
into a fine soup. I've 
never seen that hap- 
pen in the US. 
What I see is the 
salad concept: The 
lettuce stays the let- 
tuce, the tomato 
stays the tomato, the 
onion stays the 
onion, and you put 
on top of it a Rus- 
sian or French or 
Italian dressing. 
Aud its а ically 
great salad rather 
than a melting pot. I 
don't need to assimi- 
late to anybody's 
culture (o under- 
stand it. Nor do I 
have to lose my iden- 
tity, ever. I don't 
think the Greeks or 
the Germans or the 
Irish have ever lost 


their identity in 
America. Yeah, 
they're all whole- 


hearted Americans, 
but I don't see them 
losing thei 
PLAYBOY: 
good analogy, except for the fact that in 
the salad, all ingredients are still in one 
bowl. But һеге- 

OLMOS: You're going to say that the lettuce 
is not allowed to play in the salad bowl? 
Well, that’s a problem of mankind since the 
existence of two tribes, ‘Tribe number one 
says that tribe number two can play only 
up to a certain point but has to stay on the 
other side. 

PLAYBOY: Right. Doesn't that bother you? 
OLMOS: Racial prejudices bother me. Pre- 
judgments bother me. But the fact that 
were all different doesn't bother me. I like 
being a Mexican-American, | 
Korean-Americans. | enjoy having friends 
who are Hungarian-Americans. And | 


love Native Americans. Е think they all 
have something to offer. And they all de- 
serve to be heard and allowed to under- 
and their identity Los Angeles. for 
example, is a place where every single cul- 
ture that's found in the world exists. It's 
one of the few places that can probably say 
that. Is wonderful. 

PLAYBOY: But our point is that they're not 
living together. 

OLMOS: And it's OK that they don't live lo- 
gether. I just don't want the atheist to look 
at the Jew or the Jew to look at the Chri: 
Чап and get violent over the fact that the 
other one doesn't believe the way he does. 
PLAYBOY: But isn't that very separation one 
of the facets of racism? If you took a poll of 
most Anglo-Saxon: 


En lish. 
КЕ» | 


their picture was of the Hispanic сийиге, 
we think they might answer—if they were 
candid—maids, gardeners, handy men, 
construction workers. And that they relat- 
ed to them that way It’s in part because of 
this separation that you're applauding 
OLMOS: You're saying that because of the 
separation, prejudgments are set. I think 
maybe there are people who would say 
but I think that there are many An- 
glo-Saxon people who would say, “I deal 
with them on an equal level constantly. 
They are my equals in the work foi 
cause there are just too many Hispanics 
now. There are too many Gonzalezes and 
Fernandezes who are doctors and lawyers. 
But, again, back to the fundamentals: If 


you want to prejudge, you can. It's your 
right. If you want to stereotype, you can. 
But you'll be hit between the eyes when one 
of your loved ones ends up marrying a His- 
panic. I would like everyone to be exposed 
to images of blacks, reds, browns, yellows 
and whites in a positive way. Because what 
we present to the world is really stupid 
Can you imagine what the rest of the world 
thinks of us as we send out Rambo? I've 
talked to people all over about that 

PLAYBOY: What do they think? 
OLMOS: They laugh at us because, basically, 
we have a Rambo mentality, Our former 
President said something like, “I saw Ram- 
bo last night and the next time theres a 
confrontation somewhere in that part of 
the world, I'll know what to do.” And he re- 


ally thinks that 
Rambo is a good im 
age to have out 


there in the world. It 
makes people afraid 
of us. I believe that 
Ordinary People, On 
Golden Pond and 
Siand aud Deliver 
are better represen- 
tations of the Amer- 
ican image than the 
Rambo image 
PLAYBOY: Lets talk 
about immigration. 
Eighty-five percent 
of the illegal inu 
gration is Hispanic. 
Central Americans 
come across the bor- 
der with a dream, 
then they get here 
and life is almost as 
difficult as before. 
OLMOS: They dont 
even need а dream. 
| They just need to 
know that theres a 
possibility Шаг they 
wont get shot and 
killed here. Thats 
a better possibility 
than staying where 
they are and. dying. 
People cry “Why 
dont they just stay 
home?” Well, be- 
cause right now, the political turmoil in 
Latin America is overwhelming. A lot of 
people say it's not our problem. It s. 


| | 


PLAYBOY: How so? 
OLMOS: Basicall 


because of what we've 
forged in those countries with those gov- 
crnments. In two hundred years of dealing 
with Central America, we have helped 
them get into the mess they're in. They 
couldn't have done it all by themselves. We 
turned а deaf 


nd a blind eye to the in- 
s and went for the economic rewards 
tuation. And we kept on saying, 
“We had nothing to do with it. They're a 
free country. They can do whatever they 


69 


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want.” But we continued to deal with them. 
So if we're not supposed to take on the re- 
sponsibility, who is? 

PLAYBOY: But does the responsibility in- 
clude open immigration? 
OLMOS: No. Because there is too much 
strife. It means that we must now start ex- 
porting; instead of guns and ammunition, 
we must start exporting а tremendous 
amount of good will and sensitivity toward 
the common man tever country 
те dealing with. 

PLAYBOY: That sounds lovely but. . .. 
OLMOS: Idcalisti 


ah, it has to start from having 
right values and ideals. Our country 
will eventually work with the people of 
Latin America in a positive way to recon- 
struct. human y and self-esteem 
throughout the Western Hemisphere. We 
have no option. And it may take less time 
than we think, because the immigration 
situation is just too overwhelming. People 
all over this country are going to start sa 
ing. "What are we going to do about this? 
Somebody has to come up with а solution.” 
PLAYBOY: It looks as though the Hispanic 
community will be facing a critical time in 
the next twenty years or so. 

OLMOS: I think the non-Hispanic culture 
will be facing а critical time, unless it un- 
derstands, first of all, that the Latin Amer- 
ican is in the majority in the Americas, not 
the minority. And that within thirty y 
there will be a doubling of the populati 
of Latin people in this coumry alone. 
Thats why I think its essential that the 
arts open up ю the Hispanic culture. 
Stand and Deliver was a surprise to a lot of 
people, whereas to us, it was simply а 
confirmation of our own beliefs. 

I sec the arts and the humanities as the 
only two things that rcally bind us togcth- 
er: First, there is the humanity; all of us 
arc human. We all blecd the same way; we 
arc all from the same origin. Second, th 
is the art, whatever discipline. I can see a 
painting created by a black Jewish woman 
born and raised in Rus nd understand 
it and either enjoy it or not enjoy it. But it 


old Mississippi man of a diflerent religion 
and culture who saw the same painting. 
ave nothing in common other 
s same piece of 
isa wonderful thing about art; it 
breaks down the barriers and unites us. 
Religion tries to do that. But Гуе never 
known the Baptist to call the Mormon to 
make sure the JehovalYs Witness is not late 
for the bar mitzvah. Ws more like, "We don't 
know if you can make it to heaven without 
being Catholic or being on the list of souls 
for the Mormon Temple” 
PLAYBOY: Has there been increased expo- 
sure to the Hispanic culture in the arts? 
Stand and Deliver seems like a rare bird. 
OLMOS: Belore Stand and Deliver, there 
was La Bamba. Belore La Bamba, there 
were things like Zoot Suil, El Norte and The 
Ballad of Gregorio Cortez. None were huge 


commercial successes. Slowly but surely. 1 
think the economic interest has opened up 
and, like anything else, ИЛЇ be a slow proc- 
ess. And pretty soon, a Hispanic-themed 
film will be as normal as an Italian- or Jew- 
h-themed film. 

PLAYBOY: How critical is the drug crisis to 
the Hispanic culture? 

OLMOS: Oh, I t 


s tearing apart the 
fiber of с tire society. There are по 
two ways around it. The value system of 
America says that greed is good and that 
success is in the dollar. And the selling and 
distribution of narcotics brings about the 
highest financial rewards—it's the largest 
industry in our country, because our va 
ues are in the wrong place. People say tl 
as long as there's а need, there's going to be 
a supplier. And I say, yeah, but we must un 
derstand the real root—that if we could 
change the value system so that dollars 
weren't the highest form of showing your 
success, we would be on the road to solving 
the drug problem. 

PLAYBOY: When you were a child growing 
upin East Los Angeles, were you ever into 
drugs or gangs? 

OLMOS: I was in between, Бес: 
brother who was into gangs. It wasn't that 
he was into a single gang, it's just that he 
hung around with a group of guys who 
were considered a gang. And I saw the 
problems that he got into. He ended up 
having the choice of either going to jail or 
going into the Marine Corps. And he 
chose the other gang—the Marine Corps 
gang, And that gang straightened him out, 
but still, it was а gan; 
PLAYBOY: Those were his only two choices? 
OLMOS: Well, he saw it that wa 
PLAYBOY: ‘Tell us about the proj 
you brought rival gangs together in L.A. 
OLMOS: lt was the first breaking of bread, 
so to speak, the first peace treaty among 
s, together in onc room for 
Ше уги Several people who have 
worked for years in the gang-prevention 
task force finally got these kids to mee 
to declare a truce from Thanksgiving to 
Christmas. And I went and spoke to them. 
PLAYBOY: Had they all been fighting one 
another? 

OLMOS: Oh, yeah. There h 
spilled. These guys will fight against any- 
body who goes into their territory to either 
mark their walls or trespass on their do- 
main. Irs all about drugs, you know Most 
of the gangs find their strength through 
being the street dealers. They control the 
streets and they will kill anybody who tries 
to move into their territory. The bigger the 
gang gets, the more streets they can cover 
PLAYBOY: And are the wars usually bl. 
against Spanish, or- 
OLMOS: No, no. It has nothing to do with 
race, it has everything to do with business. 
It’s that simple, and it’s brutal and ruthless. 
and it’s done by kids who dont yet know 
the value of life. 
PLAYBOY: How old а 
OLMOS: They c 


e 


ise I had a 


been blood 


e the gang members? 
start as young as kids 


Сап 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 
Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, 
Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy. 


PLAYBOY 


in grammar school and go all the way up 
to eighteen or so. The gangs have their 
names, their identi and their 
structures. And their dominat- 
ed by the dollar—the only color is green 
PLAYBOY: How many gang members do you 
estimate there are in Los Angeles? 

OLMOS: There are у thousand in the 
county who are registered with the po- 
lice—those are only the registered ones. 
PLAYBOY: So fifty-seven of these gangs were 
represented at the meeting, Describe the 
scene to us. 

OLMOS: It was wonderful but difficult, be- 
cause we knew very well what it took for 
them to be sitting in that room. I told them 
it was a day that I had been waiting for for 
forty years—the day that I could see these 
rival gangs that I had known about my en- 


tire life sitting together in the same room 
without any kind of confrontation. There 
were hundreds of people in the room, 


they left their weapons outside. We all held 
hands and ate together. It was monumen- 
tal, so moving. A lot of people were crying. 
PLAYBOY: What was the outcome? 

OLMOS: They created a truce for six weeks, 
and then things went right back to normal. 
They have too many years of hatred and 
vengeance. The gangs are their survival. 
This will not change overnight. 

PLAYBOY: Our understanding is that it 
wouldnt have occurred if you hadirt been 
there, because you're a hero to chose kids. 
And you first thought you weren't going to 
be able to make 
OLMOS: Yes, I had io fly in from Miami, 
where we were shooting the show that day. 
I told them at the show that I absolutely 
had to do this, no matter what. So I flew 
that morning from Miami to L.A., got 
there at eleven-thirty and had to be gone 
by twelve-thirty to make the plane back, to 
shoot that night. 

PLAYBOY: You're deeply committed to talk- 
ing to kids, particularly kids in trouble. 
How did you start? 


OLMOS: About fificen years ago, Roosevelt 
High School in L.A. invited me to talk to 
an assembly. is was before Miami Vice, 


and nobody knew who I was. АШ did w 
share what my occupation was, how Га got 
to where I was, and allow them to question 
me. They invited me back to speak to an- 
other group and I did that. Another school 
heard about it and asked me to do the 
same. Then a couple of libraries and ju 
nile halls started passing me around. Now 
I do about a hundred and fifty talks a ve: 
wherever I am, about two or three a week. 
The pattern is. whenever I go to a city for 
whatever purpose, I visit two schools and 
one juvenile hall. 

PLAYBOY: Some of the kids vou talk to аге 
extremely tough. How much can you 
influence them in an hour or tivo? 

OLMOS: I can't influence. I can only share 
my experiences in the hope that they will 
be able to understand something from my 
life that they can carry with them. And 
that's all one can hope for. 

hat's a typical speech like? 


OLMOS: I start out by saying. “I came by to 
say hello and to allow you to ask me any 
type of questions that you may have about 
the show, or about my life, or how I got 
where I got to, or what color my under- 
wear is.” Then they ask me questions that 
always start out with money and cars and 
Don Johnson. Always. And then, slowly, we 
get into important stuff 

PLAYBOY: Tell us about visiting juvenile 
halls. 

OLMOS: Any city I go to, the first places I 
hit are the juvenile halls, the holding fa 
Чез where they keep young people while 
they're getting their trials set or they're 
waiting to be dispersed to prison. I used to 
go to prisons, but I would rather spend my 
time at the holding facilities before they 
get to the hard-core lock-down prisons. 
Гуе been in holding facilities with eleven 
year-old kids who have killed. And they 
know nothing's going to happen to them. 
At the age of seventeen, they'll be out, and 
in the meantime, they get three meals a 
day and a warm place. I usually talk with 
them about how to use dead time. I tell 
them there two kinds of dead time that 
they're going to experience, Theres the 
dead time when you arc in jail—where you 
can't leave and thats the way it is—and 
then theres the dead time that happens 
when you don't use even the jail time cre- 
atively. Because you always have the ability 
to learn and move yourself forward. I tell 
them that if they use their time correctly, 
they'll come out of there like a shot from a 
pistol, with such energy and direction that 
they'll know exactly what they need to do 
with their life. 

PLAYBOY: Do they hear what you're saying? 
OLMOS: It depends, They usually dont re- 
alize the choices they have. Mostly, they've 
gotten peer pressure not to study books 
but to deal drugs and steal, and they don't 
sec that they have chosen (hat. Usually, 
they won't have any hope until they get out 
of there, and then they can maybe start 
their lives over wrong. 
There's hope inside prison. You can use 
that me, 

1 remember one kid in a juvenile hall in 
Laredo, Texas, who had just gotten arrest 
ed for murder. He broke down and cried 
He was supposed to be leaving that day for 
Miami on vacation with his parents. He 
said to me, “I shot a kid last night in a drug 
deal that went wrong and I think he's 
dead.” And he got real tough. but you 
could see that he wanted to relate to some- 
He wanted to get it off his chest 
saving device. He had 
ough, And everyone in the room 
all the other kids, didn't say anything. And 
I didn't either. What do you say to the kid? 
“Oh. ill be all right. Things'll be great"? 
What do you say? 

OLMOS: You cant say anything. He's got to 
deal with the truth of his situation. I just 
started talking about dead time. I said. 
“You're going to have some time in here. 
You have to think about what you've done, 
how you could have changed those choices, 


done something different.” 
PLAYBOY: Is it heartbreaking to wor 
these troubled kids? 

OLMOS: No. it isn't; I cant let it be, because 
if I stopped to think about the down side. 
you know. I probably couldn't work with 
them. It would be overwhelming and de- 
bilitating. It wouldnt give me any energy: 
it would just knock me for a wallop. 
PLAYBOY: So what do you focus on? 

OLMOS: I think you have to focus on what's 
going to happen that day and not take it 
any further. I dont get into delivering 
messages, but there are some points that I 
ly hit—that discipline, determina- 


with 


us all equal. And none of us were boi 
very gifted and talented, we're all just 
learning, we're all in the same boat. There 
are very few Mozarts born in the world. 1 
say, “I did not come out of my mother 
womb reciting “To be or not to be'"— 
which I say in a heavy Spanish accent. I try 
to make them laugh a lot; thats Jaime Es- 
calantes technique for reaching kids. lt 
bs and holds their attention. They dont 
know where Em coming from. Theres ап 
instantaneous rapport with people when 1 
start talking about what drives me to do 
what I do. 

I also say to the kid: ‚ you should 
never in your wildest dreams be siting 
here and listening to me, because Em your 
worst nightmare. With me. all your excuses 
go out the window. You cant use any of 
them 10 excuse why you cant cope ог 
achieve your full potential. You're lot 
ata guy with ап upbringing no di 
from апу one of yours. I'm just the average 
uy who Icarned to hit the home run. I 
went from not knowing nada. zippo, noth- 
іп about acting to winning Emmys and 
Golden Globes,” Then they get to sit there 
and think about that. And they begin to sit 
up straight and it gets real quiet. Money, 
cars, fame, that'll always get 
their atten e that’s what they all 
dream of. If they ask me about my money, 
then they're going to get the full brunt of 
it. They're going to find out that, yeah, I 
have money. but I made it through value: 
of integrity that are very strongly commit- 
ted. You know, they usually ask me how 
much money I mak 
PLAYBOY: And do you tell them? 

OLMOS: Yes. Why shouldn't I? Should I be 
tactful? You know how many peoples at- 
tention you would hold in that room if you 
were tactful? You would lose their interest 
in two minutes. So the more honesty vou 
bring. the more possibility there is for 
some kind of interaction and connec tion. 
PLAYBOY: How much money do you mal 
OLMOS: I get thirty thousand dollars an 
episode. I made probably a little more than 
a million dollars a year on Miami Vice. 
PLAYBOY: You also tell the kids a gre: 
about your cars. 


sto 


(concluded on page 96) 


C PANA ТОЕ АР А ajusa ESN D SP 


Now and then, a fine spirit can evoke the very essence of 
theland that produced it. So it is with Canadian Mist, America's El 50 | $МООТН, 
number one Canadian. Pleasingly mellow. Yet clean, honest, and true. Na gif MELLOW 
Like Canada itself. When it's at its best. 


importecsna Bec oy Browne Fon 


74 


АРЕСТА 


DISILLUSIONED 
IN THE 
PROMISED LAND 


ate By Trey li 


fliers that were slipped under the 
doors of various University of Mich- 
igan bla 


H ERES SOME VERSE from one of many 


students last year: 


Nigger, nigger, go away, 

For the white man is here to stay. 

Everywhere you look, 

Everywhere youll see 

The menacing branches of a tree. 

And from that tree, 

What do we see? 

The beautiful sight of my friends and 

me, 

Laughing at your dangling feet 

So be forewarned 

And do be scared, 

For I, nigger child, will sec you there. 

Take your black asses back to Africa, 

Before it's too late. 

. 

Last year, Peter О. Steiner, dean of 
Michigan's College of Literature, Sci- 
ence and the Arts, announced, “Our 
challenge is not to change this universi- 
ty into another id of institution 
where minorities would naturally flock 
in much greater numbers. | need 
not remind you that there are such 


ІС cp EPA ЫИ 


REASSESSNG 
Ш 
ROOTS 


ТІЛІП! 


сап college students attended tradi- 

tionally black schools. Then the 
civil. rights movement and Federally 
funded financial-aid programs threw 
open the doors of previously white 
schools. The black colleges were virtu- 
айу ignored in the rush by many black 
collegians to enroll in the theretofore 
forbidden white schools, The result: By 
1984, only 14 percent of black Ameri- 
can collegians were enrolled at black 
schools. 

Now the figures tell a different story. 
As the Eighties draw to a close, blacks 
ing to black schools. In 1988, 
the percentage of black students еп- 
rolled at predominantly black colleges 
leaped to 20. And that trend is seen 
mostly at the schools with the best aca- 
demic reputations. Many are reporting 
record increases in the number of ap- 
plications for admission. Applications 
have doubled at Virgi Hampton 
University and at Tallahassee's Florida 
АКМ University (FAMU) over the past 
five years. Ar Atlanta's Morehouse Col- 
lege, the celebrated alma mater of Dr 
Martin (continued on page 155) 


| N 1960, 75 percent ot all black Ameri- 


ILLUSTRATION BY GARY KELLEY 


PLAYBOY 


institutions—including Wayne State and 
Howard University . . .” Sensing an ally, 
the student pamphletcers followed up 
quickly with more fliers: 

“Niggers, get off campus!” they wrote. 
‘Dean Steiner was right” 

The smart money should start invest- 
ing in Ann Arbor copy centers. 

. 

The vrs erty ums sign slides 
past my eyes for the first time in 17 yeai 
1 feel old. Four years out of Stanford, l'm 
back in Ypsilanti, suburb of Ann Arbor, 
cradle of the University of Michigan, 
where my father and mother taught and 
where I napped on an oval rug and ate 
Nutter Butters in the campus nursery 
school. 

My nursery class of 1967 was fashion- 
ably diverse: blacks, whites, Asians, Jews. 
Catholics, Protestants. You couldn't have 
stopped us from hugging and holding 
hands—just like the kids in the Benetton 
ads today, Our only fear was not outrun- 
ning Ruthie, a frisky-lipped white girl 
also known as the Kissing Cooti 

This year's freshmen weren't born yet 
іп 1967 By the time Ronald Reagan took 
office, they were ten. If my childhood saw 
the explosion of progres: 
witnessed its opposite—the systema 
strangulation of liberal values. Ha 
been educated to the old- 


ng 
shioned intol- 


„his year's in- 


coming 
than just 


premature kiss on the lips 


At home in New York, Га read about 
the Un 


rsity of Michigan's recent racist 
cidents; but surely, it couldnt have 
changed that much, I'd thought, heading 
west. After cruising State Street in ре 
son and hitting up both black and white 
Michigan students for the real deal, how- 
ever, 1 hardly recognized my home town. 
I was going back—1 just didn't know how 
far. 

Here's the story of black U of М stu- 
dent Regina Parker (not her real name). 
nts have just hauled her foot- 
nd posters and radio up to her 
room and are driving back to Flint, 
Michigan, proud of their 18-year-old, all 
grown up. Regina thinks, How about a 
n the stereo to celebrate 
my new life as a collegian? Then in walks 
her new white roommate, who plugs ina 
new 40-watt sound system and cranks up 
the greatest hits of REO Speedwagon 
After months of squabbling, Re 
I'm gonn: 
life hell for you.” Eventually, the white 
1 gives up and moves ош. But 
over. Some white guys, upset by the loss 
of a soulmate, start calling Regina the 
word—nigger—and late at night, while 
other U of M students are out distribu 
ing leallets, the white guys regularly hurl 
blocks of ice at the black girl's door. Says 


Regina, “I thought about jumping out of 
school, out of the window.” 

Most of us would have dropped out or 
maybe dropped somebody with a punch 
and been kicked out, but Regina took 
a course in ego aerobics—she checked 
out the Center for Afro-American and 
African Studies (C.A.A.S.). The center 
reminded her that there are black doc- 
tors of political science, of sociology and 
most other disciplines, that blacks, in- 
deed, finish school. In high school. she 
had been a cheerleader and believes, as 
cheerleaders will, that “everybody 
used to be my friend—blacks and 
whites" In any case, Regina did not 
imagine when she arrived from Flint 
that she would ever voluntarily stay 
away from white folks. Now Regina, like 
other black students here, believes only 
separatism will pull her through. 

. 

When I was in fourth grade, my father 
took a job as a campus psychiatrist at 
ale. We lived in Hamden, a not-very- 
muy Italian and Irish New Haven 
suburb, where I met a new kind of off- 
campus creature. I was doing yardwork 
one day when a big white seventh grader 
walked by: 

“Keep raking, Toby,” he taunted. At 
the time, Alex Haley's Roots, the mini 
series, was breaking ГУ viewing records 
nwide. I had been glued to it. That 
e boy profoundly rocked my world. 
у, I wanted to fillet his back with 
my rake the way the slave master had 
whipped Kunta Kinte until he had given 
up his African name for Toby. But the 
enth grader was bigger and older, so I 
stood there alone silently in my own 
damned front yard. 

Later, I transferred to Phillips 
Academy, Andover, one of the oldest 
boarding schools in the country and the 
high school home of Humphrey Bogart 
(before he was booted), Jack Lemmon 
and George Bush. By the time I got 
there, it was a progressive, coeducational 
junior think tank, ruled by hippie wann 
bes playing 12-string guitars and reading 
Howl. But the Colonial town of Andove: 
squatting just north of Boston, offered 
me no such protection from traditional 
American values. It was the kind of town 
where a nine-year-old boy could freely 
shriek the word—nigger—at me from 
his school-bus window If he event 
made it as far as college, he'd li 
his primer-splotched Can 
so west to attend the University of Mass: 
chusetts at Amherst. 

An excellent school with one of the 
nation’s first Afro-American studies ¿k 
partments, where Bill Cosby got his 
Ed.D. and where James Baldwin lec- 
tured, U Mass Amherst also boasts the 
first notable campus race riot of the mod- 


ern era. After the last game of the 1986 
world series, 1500 disgruntled white Red 
Sox fans took out their disappointment 
on 20 or so black students, including 
then-sophomore Yancey Robinson, who 
was “stomped on the ground and beaten 
with bats and dubs,” in the words of 
опе witness. The Red Sox fans assumed 
that all black students came from New 
York and therefore must be Mets fans. 

Last year, two black freshmen were 
tacked by five white freshmen. The black 
guys had been seen with a white girl. 

At U Mass. only 2.7 percent of the stu- 
dents are black. Most of the students 
come from eastern Massachusetts, from 
Andover, the other Boston suburbs and 
parts of the city itself. One famous 
Boston locale, South Boston, made head- 
lines in 1974, when “Southies” rioted and 
stoned school buses rather than let black 
Kids be bused there. 

. 

Tm getting another note pad from my 
wunk in the U Mass parking garage near 
the student union when а Toyota with 
Massachusetts plates, driven by а white 
guy in a baseball cap with another beside 
n in the front and a blonde in the back. 
drives into the garage. "Yo!" yells the 
driver in mock black B-boy, to the great 
amusement of his passengers as they 
fully only inches from my 
ot. Great, I think, running down the 
amp after them—my very own racial in- 
cident. With luck, they'll be Southies, and 
TIl interview them. It will be like Oprah's 
broadcast from Georgias 
Forsyth County: But I lose the 
spiral of the garage, give up a 
to the student union to check out the 
Earth Foods Café, the People's Market 
nd the Central American Solidarity Аз- 
sociation, the hotbeds of U Mass progres 
sivism. The Pioneer Valley, home of U 
Mass, Smith, Mount Holyoke, Amherst 
and Hampshire, is, in fact, as liberal an 
са as our nation knows. 
1 see two white guys who look like pos- 
sible Southies sitting in front of the 
union. Instead, David Martin, an eco- 
nomics major, is from. Dorchester, an 
other  hard-scrabble urban Boston 
neighborhood, and Robert Thompson, a 
communications major, comes from 
down near the Cape. But they were both 
at the Red Sox riot and agree that there 
is a lot of racism on campus. 

“U Mass reflects the attitude of Ma: 
chusetts in general" Robert says and 
s for class. 

“They bring the attitude up here,” says 
David. He has a classic Boston-Irish ac- 
cent—the "here" comes out he-ah—and 
he tells me he is going to try boxing in 
the Golden Gloves this summah. A tough 

(continued on page 84) 


drive past w 


“Hear те, and hear me good, kid. Unroll the condom all the way to 


the base of the erect penis, taking care to expel the air from the reservoir 
at the tip by squeezing between the forefinger and thumb. . . .” 


7 


DIFFRENT DANA 


miss plato, the all-american girl of aiffrent strokes, has definitely grown up 


Nur the average 24-year-old. Dan figure skater. As early as the age of seven, she'd 
to did not spend a large portion of her — excelled on ice and. with an сус on the Olym- 
hing television. She was too pics. she trained at the rink 
busy living television. For seven ye from 5:30 лм. to seven Ам. 
the long-running comedy series О тт! and from three ем. to eight 
Strokes, she was the sweetly smiling epitome of rx. daily 
the teen-queen schoolgirl—5'2", freckle-faced. real break came when 
with uinkling blue-green eyes and а blonde ad а group of friends 
ponytail. And by then, she жаз already consid- auditioning for The 
ered an old-timer in the business. "I started Gong Shaw, of all things. “We 
when I was six,” she recalls. “It wasn't the result were Pop Warner Fo alt 
of a master plan Cheerleaders, and wed we 
or anything. I was gold medals left and right. So 
studying ballet and we did а Іше dance-cheer 
was having trouble thing. We were real good. Too 
ага recital. There I good for The Gong Show, as it 
was on the stage. turned out. They wouldn't let 
crving for my me us on. But å producer was 
my, when an age there who asked me to come 
in the audience saw to his office the next day I did and he обе 
ше me the part of Kimberly on Diff vent Strok 
that That was the start of seven seasons on the hit 
comedy series. She portrayed the daughter of a 
wealthy widower who generously moves the or- 
phaned sons of his late housekeeper from their 
Harlem hovel into his Park Avenue digs. “The 
show was about the two boys and the dad.” 
Dana says. "They needed a female element be- 
sides the maid, but they didnt bother to develop 
Kimberly's character. Му job was mainly to 
open a door and tell the boys that the bathroom 
was free. Viewers must have thought I slept 
there.” 

Eager 10 dispel the impression that she w 
unhappy with Ше in seriesland, Dana adds, “I 
liked doing the show. I liked knowing I had a 
y day. I liked going to the same plac 
the same sort of work. 

The only thing she really disliked was her 
ponytail. "I just wanted to 
w y hair some other 
way,” she says. “But they 
[the producers]. wouldr 
hear of it. Every day, som 
a would be 
m 


Cover Girl: Dana with 
stage brother Gary 
Coleman back in 1981. 


ed 


Platos Retreat: Dana in the Diffrent 
Strokes den with Charlotte Rae, Canrad 
Bain, Gary Caleman ond Todd Bridges. 


constant retakes, re- 
quired her to eat 82 
bananas. “Or maybe 


fered her first major film role. But she didn't get 


to play it. “I was cast as the daughter 
in The Exorcist,” she explains. "But 
my mom wouldn't let me do it. She 
felt that it wast smart to start your 
career in a role like that. lt would 
limit what you could do afterward. I 
guess she was right." 


there to 
ke sure I had my px 


Mom did approve of Danas ap- tail with а curl and bangs. 
in a television thriller. Once, I tried. something 
Productions’ Beyond the different and they post- 

in which she, poned the show until the 
nd Donna Mills ponytail теш ot 
ed the dangers of the deep. And, course, now E dont 


ек, she finally got to 
share celluloid with Satan via a small 
"he Exorcist I: The Heretic 


ponytail” 
left Strokes just be- 


acting was merely a 


Dano's Progress: You've came a 
long way fram sitcams, baby. 


fore the end of the seventh 
season, when she and her 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA 


want to moke it clear thot I didrit pose for these pictures ta change my image," Dana says. “I don't feel any desire to grow up. I'm nat ready 
to be а lawyer. I'm right there for the young-girl parts. | still fit in between sixteen and twenty-four, ond that's fine with me.“ She has good 
reason to believe in her flexibility. Her choracter on Diff ren! Strokes grew erratically. “Kimberly stoyed twelve years old for three entire 


seasons, then, all of a sudden, she was fifteen. Amazing what you can do in television.” And in magazines, as well, you'll notice. 81 


alter ego, Kimberly were both 20. “It was coming up for me right now is music. Im 
m parting,” she admits. "I m together. I love all 
nd I got pregnant and I d I dort want to lim done that before. 15 important to 
wasn't sure how that would go over with best with country- gs youve never done befo 
the producers. They let me go. Ah. well. ruling out R&B.” Appearing in Playboy is another new 
so much for show business." Nor is she ignoring her acting career. experience, but a much happier one. “It 

Tod ated from her husband just that she was less than thrilled by makes me feel v like gening 
and т four-year-old son in her most recent feature. a whodunit ti- an award for acting. alter all.” the 
Los Angeles, Dana has lost none of her 1led Prime Suspect 'Lcome ош yet grin is mischievous now. "isnt posing for 
girlish enthusiasm, She bubbles, “Whats and, honestly. I hope it never doi Playboy every ) 


Å ing, “I did get to die wi 
old knife and lors of blood. and Ге 


‘ve only recently been oble to look ot myself on television,” Dono says. “When I was younger, I'd get oll nervous ond fidgety. But now | con 
lock ot myself ond see the wrong moves | mode, ond the right ones, too.“ To thot, we con only respond, with Bogey: "Here's looking at you, 
kidi” And we may hove more chances to do just thot in the reor future, if Dono* coreer pans out the woy she hopes it will. “1 want to do 
everything,” says the irrepressible octress. “I love what Cher hat done. A combinotion of singing ond acting. Thots it for me.” 


PLAYBOY 


84 


DISILLUSIONED conis from page 76) 


“Last year, a group of freshmen printed up T-shirts 
saying ARYAN BY THE GRACE OF GOD.” 


and friendly street Kid with feathered 
h he wears acid-washed jeans and 
jeans jacket buttoned up to the neck, 
brown loafers with white socks. “Kids in 
my neighborhood don't wear ripped-up. 
jeans, tie-dyed Tshirts,” he tells me, 
jerking his chin toward a fashionably un- 
Кешр barefoot couple. His Dorchester- 
ites are a dwindling working-class people 
whose urban neighborhood blackens as 
they, the last European immigrant oll- 
spring in America to make it, finally do. 

David is a latter-day Bowery Boy, as 
alienated from this pastoral college Ше 
as many of the black students, “Suburban 
kids don't know what goes on in the city.” 
he says. “People look at city kids here like 
they're some kind of maggot.” 

Here at U Mass, he has found other di- 
visions besides white and black, Irish and 
not; you can hear him struggling to mod. 
ernize his lifelong ethnocentric alle- 
giances. "Of course, you'll have some, uh, 
city Kids up here,” he says. “My grandpa 
came from Ireland. He experienced 
racism.” WASP New Englanders still have 
contempt lor the Boston Irish. David and 
his friends dont like the children of the 
D.A.R. much, either. “We used to go up 
to Milton [a tony Boston suburb], beat 
kids up. That's when we were young, but 
that’s all changed. 

“This is much better than the city; it's 

good to get away. Its so quiet here. 
But it feels kind of good to stay with kids 
of your own kind." he confesses, hinting 
at his own sense of isolation. Mavbe that's 
why the traditions of his roots seem to be 
undergoing a transformation: “Racism is 
passed down from generations, but Im 
still not prejudiced.” he tells me, “and my 
friends aren't as bad as they used to be. 
Because there's nothing you can do. I 
don't want to die because some guy wants 
to play ball in the park.” 

I walk through the student-union 
building looking for black students to i 
terview, but most I pass look away It is a 
campus dotted with insular black strays, 
trying to be invisible. Usually, ага college, 
when you pass other blacks on the street 
or inthe student union, vou acknowledge 
them. Yo, what's up? Nothing much. AIL 
right. At the University of Michigan, a 
school of comparable size but with twice 
as not-very-many blacks, folks waved at 
me from their cars. But at U Mass, instead 
of consolidating their tiny community. 
dozen black organizations compete for 


nd money. 
e complain of severe 


the same members 
Black students he: 


'creeping.” gossipy backbiting. “Smile at 
your face, k." says 
Scott Thompson, an industrial-engineer- 


ing major. He and his friends tell me of 
fistfights between rival black factions at 
last year’s Funkathon concert, just like 
those between white frat boys. You'd 
hope blacks would see the bigger picture, 

Margaret Jones, а psychology major, 
Afro-American. studies minor, sits by 
herself in one of the student-union cafe- 
terias, watching a soap. She says white 
students smile when they tell her she 
“doesn't sound black,” as if it’s a compli- 
ment. She has heard it a million times. 
Jones is not yet used to being a living sci 
ence project, a lab rat 

Even in good situations, minority stu- 
dents remain curiosities —objects of so- 
al vivisection. Maybe that's one reason 
even brilliant black students burn out 
and don't graduate: “What is that you're 
putting in your hair?" "What does Jesse 
really want? ney Houston's really 
attracuve—dont you think?” Just а day 


of racial ©. & А. tires you out. Try to 
imagine four years of it. Cant? Neither 
n а lot of black students. At such hu- 


mongous labyrinths as U Mass and UC 
Berkeley, about three black students in 
four drop out. At the University of Michi- 
gan, if you're black, your chances of get- 
ting out with a degree are 30 percent. 
Univ 
rollment gi 
90s, No wonder Den 
Hillman College 

The problem is that both sides need to 
be educated about each other. It's not 
only that the white kids see the blacks as 
illiterate athletes or affirmative-action- 
louery winners. The blacks see the whites 
and corny, garden-variety rich 
But those polarities are seldom 
acknowledged publicly, "Thats why “the 
occupation event of such 
magnitude at U Mass. 

Jones’ eyes widen as she tells me about 
it. After those two black freshmen were 
beaten up and after the university nib- 
bled off yet another classroom in 
the black-stud building, hundreds of 
black studei stormed New Africa 
House and locked its doors. Jesse Jackson 

nd Mike Dukakis called the school’s 
chancellor in support of the students. “I 
was almost in tears,” says Jones, Not since 


ities with a primarily black en- 
aduate percentages in the 


se Huxtable chose 


was an 


Isaac Hayes had a hit has the campus 
black community Көшей together so 
tightly. And yet, now it is over and 1 di 
cover a campus again dotted with strays, 
separate and alone. 

. 

Аза black student entering Phillips 
Academy at Andover, I had the option of 
choosing a black roommate to watch my 
back, but I integrated. I think I felt then 
as neoconservatives feel now: Black sepa- 
ratism is as bad as segregation and talk 
about racism and bigotry is distasteful. 

At Stanford, I snapped out of my 
naiveté. | chose to have a black roommate 
in the black dorm. Ujamaa, the black cul- 
tural house, half black, half white by 
population, is a mini black college within 
a mostly wl rsity The sense of 
safety in numbers that Jones felt during 
the New Africa House occupation exist- 
ed т “Оор’ усаг round. Thanks to this 
dorm and the relatively large number of 
black students at Stanford (approaching 
ten percent), 87 percent of its black stu- 
dents graduate. 

My senior year, 1 worked оп a commit- 
tee that demanded that the works of 
women and minorities be added to the 
reading list of the mandatory freshman 
Western Culture class. Our demands 
didn't get very far, but last year, after 
much screaming and lobbying from both 
the Black Student Union and campus 
conservatives, the Stanford faculty senate 
finally agreed to open up the reading list. 

Before that fight, Stanford had been 
racially tranquil. The campus looks likea 
golf course and most of the students were 
as political as а seven iron—until 
then-Secretary of Education William J. 
Bennett got wind of the reading-list 
debate and decided to take sides. The 
proposed changes, the way Bennett ap- 
parently saw them, would bring down 
the cornerstones of the culture. The 
Black Student Union, the women and the 
other protesters were not broadening 
Western civilization, he said, they were 
ashing it 
Bennett goosed the proto-Yi 
action —miraculously. they 
a damn. Where previously the white stu- 
dents had had no visible gripes, Bennett 
supplied them with a cause. Last year, а 
group of freshmen printed up ‘Tshirts 
aying ARYAN BY THE GRACE OF GoD. This 
year Jjamaa, somebody added the 
word NIGGER to а poster for a black frater- 
nity, But more specifically, the new white 
consciousness got political. Every Stan- 
ford student organization exists on fee 
assessments voted on by the entire stu- 
dent body. The Black Student Union had 
always easily won approval; but last ye: 
in a climate that feels increasingly а 
to black students, it fost (шиі, after а 

(continued on page 157) 


“Тһе Trappist monks? No, monsiew, you have joined the Trapeze monks!” 


86 


) 


OURNEY 


my imagination took over: these were фе lives i inventecl 


ON MY way BACK home from Europe, I saw 
a beautiful woman with a very small baby 
апа а son of about 13. They were sitting 
across the aisle from me in the aircraft. 
The baby could not have been more than 
ten days old. It had abundant black fine 
hair standing up from its head the way 
hair lifts from a scalp under water, as if 
the hair had been combed, floating, by 
the waters of the womb. The pathetic lit- 
Че bent legs had never been used. The 
eyelids were thick and lifted slowly, a 
muscular impulse still being tested, re- 
vealing an old and wondering gaze: eyes 
very dark but no color that could be de- 
scribed as black or blue. Perhaps color 
something to do with focus, and it 
was focusing only now and then—that 
was the wondering—on the face of the 
mother. Or, rather, the gaze of the moth- 
er. She would look into its face and its 
eyes would open like buds. The strange 
concentration between them was joined, 
frequently, by that of the boy. 

The boy was beautiful as his mother. 
In words, beauty can only be suggested. 
by its immediate signal. Theirs was of 

Their identical round brows were 
horizons, their nostrils and саг 
appeared translucent, their 41 
and eyes had the coloring of pe 
in stained glass. The baby was 


fiction By NADINE GORDIMER 


ILLUSTRATION BY MEL ОСОМ 


PLRYEOY 


unlike 
ence of som: 


her of them. It was the pres- 
one absent. and vet it was so 
intensely theirs. She parted her clothes 
xpensively, discreetly 
and although I couldn't 
see her breast, I could tell from the angle 
of the baby's head in the crook of her arm 
and the slight hobbing movement of its 
hairy head that it was sucking. The boy 
and the mother ned over it—this 
process—reverently. Once I saw her put 
her well-used but be: ul hand round 
the curve of the boy's head and hold 
there а moment. A trinity. 

From time to time, the boy si ) 
became the child he was; һе was working 
at a puzzle or game supplied for young- 
sters along with the usual handout of 
headsets and slippers. He was turned 
away then but kept being drawn back to 
that contemplation in which he served. 
Literally: He was up and down during 
the night, taking the baby's dirty парі 
to be disposed of in the toil 
plastic cups of water th 
mother's touched indi y 
the baby slept in its portable cot on the 
Moor and the two of them, the dividing 
arm between their seats removed, slept as 
a single form disposed under aircraft 
blankets. They had even covered the sep- 
arate identity of their faces—no doubt 
against the cabin lights. They left the 
plane when it landed to refuel in the mid- 
dle of Africa. That airport recently had 
been closed for the period when there 
was ап attempted coup in the country; 
distorted in the convex window of the 
plane, I could scc burned-out military ve- 
hicles, two of the letters that spelled out 
the airports name—the name of the 
country’s: president—across the facade 
of the terminal were missing, and dog: 
were foraging at the margin of Ше 
runway 

She had the baby in her arms. The boy 
carried their hand luggage, hovering 
protectively close as she stepped through 
the door onto the gangway that had been 
rolled into place. My window was a lens 
with a more restricted range of vision 
than the human eye: mine could not fol- 
low them across the tarmac to the tei 
nal building, I don't know if they hu 
anticipatedly, excitedly to what w 
ing them there, I don't know where they 
had been, why they had gone or what 
they were coming back to. I know only 
that the baby so young it must have 
been born elsewhere, they were bringing 
to this place for the first time, it was its 
first journey 1 continued mine; they had 


mi- 


nvent, ihe unknown ot "what 
happened to them preceding the jour- 
mknown of what was going 
its end. 


. 
Um 19. Га had my birthday when 1 
went away with my mother to have the 


baby in Europe. There isn't a good hospi- 
tal in the country where my father is 
posted—he's economic attaché—so we 
went back where my parents come from, 
the country he represents wherever we 
live. 1 know it only from holidays with my 
grandma, because I was born when they 
were on another posting. 

Га been my parents’ child—the only 
one—for so long. I always wanted broth- 
ers and sisters but never had any. 
then, round about my 12th birthd 
noticed it; something went wrong in our 
house—I mean the house we are li 
on this posting. My mother and 
were almost silent at meals. The private 
language we used t0 speak together—cat 


see, I'm allowed to have cats as pets but 
not dogs, because cats can almost fend 
for themselves when we get another post- 
ing and they have to be left behind: ме 
we a different kind of voice for 
the three cats I have here, and we used to 
pretend the cats were 
about us. For instance, if I was eating 
with my elbows on the table, my father 
would use a cat voice to tell me | had bad 
manners; and if my father forgot to fill 
up my mothers wineglass, my mother 
would use her special cat voice to com- 
plain she'd been left out, But the cats 
stopped speaking: they became just cats. 
I couldn't be the only one to use their 
voices. A child cant use even a cat voice to 
ask, Whats the matter? You cant ask 
ownups that. 

The three of us stopped going swim- 
ming together. We love swimming, and 
before, we used to go often 10 the consul 
general’s рос. But my father made me 
learn to play squash with him and he 
took me on spearfishing trips with men, 
The sea is very rough here; its horrible 
being thrown about by breakers full of 
bits of plastic and rotten fruit from the 
harbor belore the boat gets to the place 
where you dive. These were things my 
mother didnt do: play squash, spearfish. 
I told her abou but she didn't say 


the sea 
anything to my father, she didnt take my 


part. It was a bit like what happened to 
me: as if she couldn't use а cat voice to 
tell him. 

Нету father—would hug me, just 
ıddenty. for no reason; not when he was 
going away anywhere but just leaving the 
room, or if we met at the top of the stai 
And my mother encouraged me to spend 
the weekends with friends. To sleep away 
om them, my mother and father. I 
cried once, by myself. because she 
seemed to want me out of the house. It 
wasn't as if they could need to be alone 
together, to talk without a kid around the 
way grownups sometimes do eve 
though they love you; they would si 
t meals with nothing to talk to 
each other about, just quiet. The cats 
would get scraps and say nothing. 


And yet it was that time that it hap- 
pened—the baby. They made the baby. 
My mother told me one day: “I'm going 
to have a baby.” She looked at me very 
anxiously. To see if Га mind. I didnt 
mind. I know about sex, of course, how 
she'd got pregnant, what my father had 
done with her. though they didn't smile at 
each other, didnt tease or laugh at each 
other anymore, Nine months is a long 
time. I turned 13. My father was away a 
lot, round the country. Once she used to 
go with him. leaving me for а day or two. 
but then she didn't go because of the baby 
growing, she said. So we were alone to- 
gether. We watched her changing. the ba- 
by changing her. 1 know some boys arent 
allowed 10 see their mother's breasts. but 
she used to swim topless, like the other 
ladies at the consul general's, and I was 
used to seeing how pretty hers were—not 
the hard-looking little kind that stick out 
on girls a few years older than I am, but 
not the hanging kind that swing when 
the woman gets up, either—soft and 
quite far apart, because my mother h 
broad shoulders, Then the breasts 
up: I felt them against me like pla 
bags filled with water when she put her 
arms round me to kiss me good night, 
and I saw above the low neck of her 
nightdress that they were changing, be- 
coming pink and mottled. It was strange; 
I thought of a chameleon slowly blotch- 
ing from one color to another when you 
putiton a flower. But it was the baby that 
was doing it. When it began to move іп- 
side her, she put my hand on her stomach 
for me to feel. More 
it knocked very softly. 
put her hand 
on my head and I listened and felt. A bit 
like Morse code, I told her: It would gi 
three or four quick taps and then stop, 
at was it saying, do- 
ugh and make up 


feel 


Sometimes, those months, in a dream 
I would feel against me the brea 


sts that 
were changing for the baby and the 
dream would become one of those nor- 
mal for boys to have (my mother and fa- 
ther explained before 1 began to have 
them). There's nothing to be ashamed of, 
you should enjoy those dreams: I just put. 
і ash. Another time. 1 
dreamed I put my саг to where the bab 
was and suddenly the big hard stomach 
turned into a goldfish bowl, and the baby 
was swimming around in there and | was 
watching it. A golden baby, a big golden 
fish, like the ones He went after, under 
the sea. But this one rs—my moth- 
егу and mine—in her bowl, and in the 
dream, I was taking care of i 
I was the first to see the baby. I saw it 
when it was exactly 40 minutes old. I was 
(continued on page 94) 


the 
bottom 
line on 
swimwear 
for 1989 


fashion 

By 
HOLLIS 
WAYNE 


| ven water can't caol dawn this summer explosion of calors, patterns and styles that the boys on the beach will be wearing. And becouse all 
men are nat created equal, this seasan there are shopes of suits that vory from microbikini ta boxer ta bicycle length. Hold on tight, 
guys, because its going to get hot. Above: Cotton flower-power swim trunks with a drawstring elastic waist, by Paul Smith, 580. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD IZUI 


š 
i 
= 
Ë 
š 
3 Б 


ay-Glo colors ore mok- 


ing с statement оп the 
beach—or on the move. 
Left: Nylon/Lycra swimmer's 
brief іп mellow yellow 
by Jantzen, about $14. 


91 


elow: Supplex trunks, 
from Joe Boxer, $25. Left to 
right: Woter Wotch, by 
Cokhi, $25; K-28 Surf 


watch, $65, and Ironman 
watch, $40, both by Timex. 


Род твою 


JOURNEY 


the first to sce my mother with the baby. [ 
was in the hospital waiting room with my 
grandmother, and when the nurse said 
we could come and look, I ran ahead and 
I was there before anyone—nurses don't 
count, it’s not theirs. My mother asked 
the time, and when I told her, she said the 
baby was exactly 40 minutes old; she had 
promised me she would remember to ask 
the doctor the time the very moment it 
was born, and she had kept her promise. 
We looked at the baby together, its ears, 
its feet and hands; everything was all 
right. Its eyes didnt open. We were sur- 
¡sed by its hair; и had a lot of wet-look- 
ing black hair that stood up on its head аз 
she carefully dried it with the edge of a 
blanket. We have pale-brown hair; my 
grandmother says my mother was born 
bald, and my mother says I was, too. The 
baby was not like us at all. Neither of us 
said who it must be like. The baby was 
only what we couldn't have imagined, 
what had been tapping messages and 
changing her body all that time and had 
suddenly come out. For the next week, we 
watched it changing, beginning to live 
outside my mother, live with my mother 
and me. 

It was born so healthy the doctor said 
we could fly back with it when it was only 
nine days and 62 minutes old (I made 
that calculation while we were waiting for 
our Hight to be called). They gave us the 
bulkhead seats and there was plenty of 
room for the baby’s stuff—the seat across 
the aisle was vacant, only a lady with gray 
hair in the other window seat. We didnt 
speak to her. We didn't have to talk to 
anyone, it was just us alone. I arranged 
our big canvas bag so my mother could 
rest her feet up on it. Then I fitted in the 
baby's cot and there was still room for my 
legs, though my legs are getting long; my 
mother has had to pick out the hems of 
my jeans. The baby was very good. It 
cried only when it wanted to feed, and 
then softly; you could hardly hear it 
above the sounds of the air rushing 
through the jet engines and people talk- 
ing in the rows behind us. It was more as 
if it was talking to us, my mother and me, 
than actually crying. I lifted it out of the 
cot each time 505 my mother wouldn't 
have to bend and put her feet down. It 
sucked away just as if it was on the 
ground and not up at an altitude of 
30,000 feet, traveling at 500 miles an 
hour. Its eyes were able to open by then. 
They are big and dark and shiny It 
looked at us; it distinctly looked from my 
mother to me while we watched it feed— 
my mother said it was wondering where it 
had seen us before and forgotten us. 
That's how it seemed to her. I thought it 
was curious about us. We both kissed its 
head often, that funny hair it has. 


(continued from page 88) 


“The steward gave me an acrostic game, 
but I'm used to my computer games and 
I didn't find it too interesting. I tried it 
while my mother had her eyes shut, rest- 
ing (it’s tiring, feeding a baby from your 
own body), but that meant I might miss 
something the baby was doing—yawn- 
ing, pulling faces—so I didnt keep on 
long. 1 like old-fashioned rock and roll 
my mother remembers she used to dance 
to and I found the dial number to turn to 
for it, but I took off the headset every few 
minutes, because I thought I heard my 
mother speaking to me. She might need 
something; feeding a baby dehydrates 
you; I had to fetch those plastic cups of 
water from the dispenser for her, and I 
took the babys napkins, in the plastic 
bags we'd specially brought along, to 
dump in the lavatory. I pushed them 
through the flap marked AIRSICKNESS CON- 
TAINERS. We had prepared everything for 
the journey; we didn't need to ask anyone 
for a single thing. We made ourselves 
comfortable and slept, the baby quite 
safe. We knew even with our eyes closed 
and the blankets over our heads (my 
mother is sensitive to light and the eye- 
shade she was given was too thin) that the 
baby was there. 

Suddenly, my mother vas saying to me, 
"Heres the river.” I woke up and it was 
light and I leaned over her and the baby 
and saw far down through the window 
the whole river, whose other bank you 
cant see from the side where we're post- 
ed—it's such a wide river. We were there. 
I didnt think about Him waiting for us. I 
had so much to do: packing the baby's 
stuff away, getting our coats from the 
overhead bin, making sure for my moth- 
er we wouldnt forget anything. Re- 
member, we'd never arrived with the 
baby before; it was the first time ever. 
The baby did not know what posting it 
had lived in, beginning when something 
went wrong, growing inside my mother 
all those months when He was away most 
of the time. I felt very excited, landing 
with something new, new. I felt new. I 
came down the gangway behind my 
mother, who had the baby in front of her, 
in her arms the way I'd seen her carry ап 
armful of flowers. I carried everything 
else of ours—the canvas bag, the coats, 
the cot. We came quickly through immi- 
gration, because people let you go first in 
the queue when you have a baby. But we 
had to wait for the luggage. Before the 
conveyer belt had even started moving, 
the baby began to cry; it had woken up 
and was hungry again. The luggage was 
a long time coming and the baby didnt 
stop. My mother sat down on our canvas 
bag and I knelt in front of her so people 
wouldn't see when she opened her clothes 
and fed the baby. It was very greedy, all 


of a sudden, and it grabbed her and 
pulled— “Like a little goat,” my mother 
said, and we were smiling at it, saying to 
each other, "Just see that, its going to 
choke, its gorging, listen to it gulp,” 
when I looked up and saw Him where 
they had allowed him in through cus- 
toms. They always let him in where oth- 
ers can't go, because Hes the economic 
attache. I saw him finding us, seeing из 
for the first time, watching my mother 
and me feeding the baby; He might even 
have been able to see her breast from 
where he was; He's tall. He threw up his 
head and his mouth opened, He was hap- 
ру, He was coming to get us. Then I felt 
full of joy and strength; it was like being 
angry, but much better, much, much bet- 
ter. І saw him looking at us and he knew 
that I saw him, but I didn't look back at 
him. 


. 

The silence is over. 

That is what has been repeating in his 
head since the alarm clock woke him with 
its electronic peeps at five this morning. 
He phoned the airport before he got out 
of bed, and while hearing the stretched 
glockenspiel tape they entertain you with 
when you're waiting for Information to 
answer, that phrase was counterpointing 
again and again, himself speaking inside 
himself; “The silence is over.” Because 
the love affair is over. The silence in 
which the love affair was hidden, pre- 
cious and thrilling, something she must 
not be allowed to touch with a word, now 
seems an agony endured. More than a 
year of confidences, feelings unex- 
pressed, emotions, anecdotes lie painful- 
ly trapped, layer on layer, constricied 
within him. But she has given birth; he 
wonders how it will be to see her again, 
rid of her burden. Her body as it was be- 
fore, when he used to see it: He saw her 
only clothed while her body was growing, 
filling; she stopped undressing in front 
of him because they could not speak. 

The flight is expected in on ime. He 
puts on linen trousers and sandals, the 
air conditioner continues to stutter and 
shudder and soon, thank God, he won't 
notice it anymore, because it wont be the 
only noise in an empty house, He shaves 
but puts the cologne back on the shelf, 
because—like ап impulsc of nausca 
the morning after a night out—i is what 
he used to smell of when he came home 
from the bed and scent of another 
woman, an unsuccessful disguise, he 
knows, because it was obvious he had 
showered after lovemaking; you don't 
come from the consulate offices with wet 
hair. The madness of it! Just as during 
that year he couldn't think about his wife, 
didn't see her even when she was sitting 
across the table from him, so now he is 
too preoccupied to visualize the woman 

(continued on page 174) 


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“Harry always said genetic engineering would be a big mistake!” 


PLAYBOY 


OLMOS (continued from page 72) 


“If you asked a teacher if he would suggest that 
his own children become educators, he'd. say no.” 


OLMOS: Well, the message is not very sub- 
ue. I tell them that last year, I bought my 
wife a 1986 BMW Seven-forty-five, the 
European model that would cost you 
around fifty-two thousand dollars. It has 
an incredible stereo system—nine hun- 
dred watts. Its got the CD player, the 
telephone. 115 got BBS wheels with Pirelli 
tires. I bought it for twenty-two thousand 
dollars at a police drug auction. They 
found two hundred thousand dollars’ 
worth of cocaine in the саг. The guy 
whose car it was got thirty years; I got his 
car. Then I tell them how I went to an- 
other drug auction and they had this gor- 
geous brand-new 1987 red Porsche 
Nine-thirty turbo with less than two 
thousand miles on it. With the stereo, 
phone, everything else on it, its an 
eighty-four-thousand-dollar car. I picked 
it up for fifty thousand dollars. The pre- 
vious owner got twenty years. Thats 
about as right to the point, as nitty-gritty 
as you can possibly get. I say, “You have a 
choice: You can be either the current 
owner of the car—thats me—or the 
dope dealer who owned the car, who's in 
jail. Which one ol us is the winner? You 
want to be the owner of the car? Just dis- 
cipline yourself to do something that you 
enjoy that isn't fattening and isn't harm- 
ful to your health or anybody else's.” So 
they may say, “OK, man, I want to sit 
around and listen to music all day long. 
That isn't fattening; that isn’t harmful to 
your health." "Great," I say, “you can be a 
musicologist and understand music to 
the ultimate, or you can be a disc jockey. 
And if you did it seven days a week, you 
could be an expert in music. And if you re- 
ally got ambitious, you might be able to 
listen to music of different eras, say the 
Fifties and the Sixties. Or maybe you'll 
go back to the music of the Eighteenth or 
Nineteenth Century.” And all of a sud- 
den, their trip of just sitting back and 
cruising through life turns into some- 
thing else. And 1 tell them, "You may get 
wealthy off it, you may not. Thats not the 
issue. The issue is that you'll get to the 
end of your life feeling satisfied with 
yourself. And that’s the main thing.” 
PLAYBOY: Do you have a high self-esteem? 
OLMOS: Yeah, I do. I think that's the only 
thing that we're put here to feel. But I 
think we're much harder on ourselves 
than we are on anybody else. 

PLAYBOY: You've said that you believe 
your causes and community activities 
feed your acting. How? 

OLMOS: They аге ап extraordinary 
source of energy that I would not have 


otherwise. After an hour of speaking 
with those kids, 1 walk away with a 
buzzing feeling inside. Because you're 
опе person giving to more than three 
hundred people who are giving back to 
you. I learned that the first time I ever 
gave а talk. After I finished that day, I 
had to perform that night in a play It was 
one of the best performances I had ever 
given. And if I do two or three schools in 
one day, I go home and I'm careening off 
the walls and just feel great about what 
I've done with my life that day. I'm in love 
with life; yeah, it’s very rewarding. These 
are the most fulfilling moments that I've 
spent on this earth. That and just staying 
with my family are the two things that 
give me the most joy. 

PLAYBOY: More than your work? 

OLMOS: Yeah. There's no comparison. 
PLAYBOY: ‘Tell us about your education 
project. 

'OLMOS: David Rockefeller, Jr., wanted me 
to help them recruit teachers into the ed- 
ucational system and I said it would be 
my honor, but the only way 1 would do 
that would be by making sure that they 
helped me change society's attitudes to- 
ward teachers and the value of teaching, 
You know, in the Twenties and Thirties, 
we had reverence for the teacher. We val- 
ued education and made sure that our 
children used their brains instead of 
their backs so that we could further ad- 
vance ourselves economically. | dont 
know when we decided that it was more 
important to be an engineer or a chemist 
or a businessman. Why aren't people go- 
ing into the profession? If you asked a 
teacher if he would suggest that his own 
children become educators, he'd say no. 
And if you asked parents the same thing, 
they would say, “Are you kidding? No, 1 
want him or her to be successful.” The 
day must come when education and the 
teacher are valued at the highest level by 
our society If our values were on 
straight, our Government would give the 
most money to protect the future of this 
country—to education, not to arma- 
ments. People say, “Oh, that's too idealis- 
tic, Eddie, Idealism just doesn't work in 
the everyday world.” Well, 1 beg to differ. 
PLAYBOY: What are your suggestions? 
OLMOS: We must concentrate on the val- 
ues that we give our children. If the ma- 
jority of the people in this country are 
saying, “Don't Бе a teacher, it doesn't pay 
enough; better to be in business,” or if 
we're paying eighteen thousand dollars 
to twenty-five thousand dollars a year to 
teachers, or if we dont invest our money 


and time and energy for the advance- 
ment of the human mind, then you can 
just about write off this country in fifty 
years. And fifty years is going to come 
and go real quick. 
PLAYBOY: So the corruption of our value 
system is at the heart of the matter. 
OLMOS: It has to Бе. [ mean, whats the 
answer to the problem of drugs, of teen 
pregnancy, of AIDS, to any of the major 
situations happening in our country? It’s 
all about education and making that our 
highest priority: We must stop thinking 
that our future lie: being militarily 
strong and start thinking that it lies in 
being educated strong. Everybody knows 
about it. but nobody wants to look at it. 
Everybody wants to go fishing. 

PLAYBOY: How do you shift peoples val- 
ues? 

OLMOS: You begin through the media. 
For example, 1 proposed to David Rocke- 
feller that we mount a two-year cam- 
paign in thirty-second and sixty-second 
radio and TV spots directed to all the ed- 
ucators of this country—just thanking 
them. We would inundate the American 
public with commercials and actually get 
all the networks to give time, to acknowl- 
edge the thousands of people who spend 
their entire life committed to the ad- 
vancement of thought and theory. To do 
nothing more than praise them for twen- 
ty-four months, nonstop. To have an 
Educator Month, culminating with a 
tremendous commitment by all Ameri- 
cans to say thank you to them. 

PLAYBOY: the foundation do that? 
OLMOS: They're going to have to do it if 
he wants me to get involved. 

PLAYBOY: Do you consider yourself ideal- 
istic or pragmatic? Or in between? 
OLMOS: I've been called an idealistic opti- 
mist whos romantic and pragmatic 
PLAYBOY: That about covers all the bases. 
Do you ever wonder whether or not your 
community service is making a differ- 
ence? ` 

OLMOS: | get frustrated, but worrying 
about whether or not I'm making а dif- 
ference is useless; it's really self-defeat- 
ing. You dont even think about that. 
Nobody knows what makes an impact; all 
you can do is expose people to some- 
thing. I do a film the same way—1 dont 
know if anybody's going to go see it, but 
TII make it because I like the story. I talk 
to these kids because I really enjoy it; 
there's a satisfaction in knowing that 1 
gave something to somebody that day. 
And then ten years later, I'll be walking 
through an airport and a guy comes up 
to me and thanks me for talking to him 
in school years ago and says I touched his 
life and it really made a difference with 
him. And he shakes my hand and walks 
away. And that's enough. That's the pay- 
back for me. 


іп the eighties, some feminists burned ош on sex, 
but others turned up the heat 


ў 


Ву 5ТЕУЕ СНАРРІЕ апа DAVID ТАТВОТ 


ШШШ 
VIN AMER 


Part Three 


THE CHANGING OF THE FEMINIST GUARD 


ar Ficut! That's what the producers of 
Donahue were trying to stage, thought 
Erica Jong. when they booked her 
with Andrea Dworkin in the spring of 
1987 Both were feminists, both were 
writers, but the parallels stopped 
there. Jong, author of the 1973 best 
seller Fear of Flying and other popular 
novels featuring frolicsome heroines, was 
опе of the country's most widely recognized 
voices of sexual liberation. Her books 
spread the idea that women could emanci- 
pate themselves by adopting the same jaunty 
attitude toward sex long held by men. It was 
Jong who had coined that memorable 
phrase the zipless fuck. 

Andrea Dworkin was a far different creature, a radical les- 
bian polemicist who viewed sex between men and women as а 
desecration of the female body. In her latest book, Intercourse, 
she had likened the erect penis to a weapon of war: “The 
thrusting is persistent invasion. [The woman] is opened up, 
split down the center. She is occupied—physically, internally 
in her privacy.” 


Dworkin had made pornography her po- 
litical passion. “The penis must embody the 
violence of the male in order for him to be 
male,” she wrote, in her incantatory prose. 
“Violence is male; the male is the penis: vio- 
lence is the penis or the sperm ejaculated 
from it.” Sex, violence and death. This is 
"the male erotic trinity" according to 
Dworkin. 

Yes, the fur was sure to fly on this one. 
Here, on one stage, under the white-hot TV 
lights, the opposite poles of American femi- 
nism were going to thrash away at each 
other. Phil Donahue, that symbol of male 
sensitivity and moderation, would have 10 
jump in to restore order. Hose them down with a commercial 
break. Talk-show melodrama thrived on face-offs such as this. 

But something unexpected happened that morning in the 
NBC studio in Rockefeller Center. Instead of greeting Dwor- 
Кіп extraordinary sexual opinions with cries of derision and 
savage barbs, Jong offered her qualified praise. She rejected 
the notion that sexual intercourse was an inherently “i 
sive and pounding” act; in a “more feminized culture,” sex 


ILLUSTRATION BY KINUKO Y. CRAFT 


between men and women could Бе something 
warm and cuddly. Still, she said, “[Andrea] has 
asked some very important questions and written 
a very brave and honest book.” 

Donahue seemed unseuled by this unlikely 
rapprochement. “Do you have any differences at 
all with Ms. Dworkin?” he pleaded with Jong. But 
the novelist would not be goaded into attack. His 
studio audience, however, was less deferential. 
It was made up of women who already knew 
what they felt about sexual intercourse. They 
regarded Dworkin with pity and scorn. 

“I'm married and I would never give up 
my sexual intercourse,” said one. 

“What tragic thing happened in your life 
that made you feel this way?” asked another. 

A third woman expressed her wonder at 
Jong's apparent turnabout: “You were the one 
who coined the term zipless—uh—encounter!” 
she marveled 

The following year, Jong and Dworkin ге- 
newed their sisterly pact by posing side by side on 
the pages of Ms. magazine. They made an odd 
couple: Jong, with her soft, bouncy mane and her 
sparkling black-and-silver designer outfit with 
matching high heels, flirting with the camera; 
and Dworkin, as fat and impressive as a Samoan 
queen, looking us dead in the eye, wearing her 
trademark blue-jean overalls, leather jacket and 
running shoes—a costume designed 
men and the world at bay,” in Jong's words. 

The press did not take notice of Jong's tribute 
to Dworkin. But it seemed to us a cultural marker 
of sorts, an event that suggested a deepening 
rancor in the world of feminism, a growing divi- 
sion between the sexes. 

We seek out Jong, finding her in her New York 
brownstone off Park Avenue. We want to know 
how she has come to sip from the tart and brack- 
ish waters of Andrea Dworkin and call ita fount 
of wisdom. 

Jong tells us she has come to feel soiled by her 
association with sex, because America has a dirty 
mind. A mind Dworkin understands all 100 well. 

“| can't tell you how horrified I am.” says Jong. 
“when I get these letters from men: ‘I'm going to 
be in New York; can I come and fuck you? Or 
"Send me a pair of dirty underwear. They ve tak- 
en sex, which should be a feast of life, and put it 
in their meat grinder. When you get mail like 
that for fifteen years, you begin to get dismayed. 

“We reduce sex to the gutter in this country. It’s 
a vast Forty-second Street of the mind out there. 
‘The zipless fuck’ was just Isadora's fantasy, not 
something I yearn for. My idea of sex is some- 
thing sensual, beautiful, poetic, not indiscrimi- 
nate. 115 cuddling in bed, lying in a field of 
flowers, eating figs. My books are better under- 
stood in Europe. 

“The sexual revolution was joyless, acquisitive, 
quantitative. It was an outgrowth of our ma- 
terialistic, addictive (continued on page 102) 


Feminist Encounters of the Eighties Kind: Right: Pur- 
ported foes Erica Jong and Andrea Dworkin bury the 
hatchet os Phil Donohue urges them to throw choirs. 
Opposite, above: Germaine Greer does the feminist 
flip-flop from Sixties sex kitten to Eighties obstoiner. 
Opposite, below: Candida Royalle, the David O. Selz- 
nick of feminist porn, lends a loving touch to on-set sex. 


DON'T you 
HAVE ANY 
DIFFERENCES, 
LADIES? 


FEMINIST, 
NOT THE 
FUN KIND, 


NS o9 


Da 

Р | DON'T THINK THE 
КЕ | SEXUAL REVOLUTION 
JRSAY EVER HAPPENED 
A š 
m 
| n 
ў = 


LIGHTS, CAMERA, 
ACTION , CONDOMS, 
CUDDLING/ 


TIME AFTERTIME 


watch words to the wise 


To paraphrase an old axiom, you 
can never be too thin, too rich or 
own too many wrist watches. In 
fact, a well-chosen watch 
wardrobe says as much about а 
mans taste and personality as 
does his choice in cars, suits, ties 
and shoes. Also, less is often 
more when choosing a timepiece. 
Diamonds may be a girl's best 
friend, but to our taste, they 
shouldn't ring the perimeter of a 
man's wrist watch unless he wants 
it to look like a Barbie-doll neck- 
lace. And you should have at least 
one chronograph that has a stop- 
watch feature. It just may come in 
handy the next time you're at the 
race track timing the ponies. 


љи" 


Left to right: Fossil's quartz chrono- 
qraph with dual time, day/date and stop 
watch, from Overseas Products, Dallas, 
$75. Multidial watch with sun-and-moon 
амм. indicator, day, date and second 
time-zone dials, by Timex, Waterbury, 
Connecticut, S69.95. The American 
Tank watch іп 18-kt. gold with gold 
wristband, from Cartier, Chicago, 
$11,500. A five-time-zone ultrathin 18- 
kt-gold watch, from Tourneau, New 
York, $2400. Rolex Oyster Perpetual 
Day-Date chronometer іп 18-kt-gold 
bark finish, from Henry Kay Jewelers, 
Chicago, $11,950. The four-function 
conquest quartz chronograph in titani- 
um case, from Longines-Wittnauer, 
New Rochelle, New York, $1350. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY JAMES IMBROGNO 


102 


BURNING DESIRES (continued from page 98) 


“Oral sex? Its like bemg attacked by а giant 


snail. I prefer conversation. 


э» 


culture. Americans believe (ће more they 
consume, the richer they'll become.” 

Ме are feeling ап impolite urge to 
point out that по best-selling author has 
done more to trivialize sex than she. The 
men in Jongs novels are seldom more 
than ducks in a shooting gallery, knocked 
off in quick succession. But the conversa- 
tion suddenly turns to erections. “Ап- 
drea Dworkin has a profound aversion to 
the penis,” Jong observes. “I don't share 
that feeling, that fear of penetration. But 
1 honor her as an intellectual.” 

Dworkin, she continues, is “on to” 
something deep, something buried in 
the American unconscious—the boot- 
in-the-face element of male—female rela- 
tions. “The extreme reaction to Andrea 
Dworkin is like shooting the messenger. 
She says things people are afraid to say. 
Our society is in deep denial about the 
violence toward women.” 

The bonds between men and women 
seem more frayed than ever, Jong goes 
on. “Both sexes are running screaming 
from each other in panic and dread Men 
don't feel they're getting the nurturing 
they need, and women feel they're get- 
ting trashed all the time, getting 
dumped after falling in love.” She has 
crashed and burned more than once in 
recent years. 

“The culture is not giving us any an- 
swers about love or sex or raising babies,” 
Jong concludes, sounding at sea. “We've 
torn down the old social structures and 
haven't replaced them with anything 
new.” But in the confusion of the Eight- 
les, with men and women groping for 
new roles, sexual antagonism has more 
immediate appeal. It is easier to bash the 
opposite sex than to set up a new social 
order, 

It has not always been so. 

. 

Young American men learned that 
there might be something erotic about 
women's liberation when they saw the 
May 7, 1971, issuc of Life magazine. 
There she was on the cover, redining on 
a bench ina park, laughing and pointing 
at something іп the distance, too cool to 
notice the camera. She wore pink lipstick 
and red clogs and a paisley coat over a 
blue knit dress that nicely showed off her 
bosom. Silver gypsy jewelry dangled 
from her and her long chestnut hair was 
shagged like a British glam rockers. 

“SAUCY FEMINIST THAT EVEN MEN LIKE— 
GERMAINE GREER,” trumpeted Life. She did 


seem special, a Seventies suffragist whose 
crusade was brightened with wit and flair 
and sexy Moll Flanders fun. 

Greer was sharply aware of how men 
needed to change, but she also had a fine 
appreciation of men's assets. She knew all 
the troubles that came when the two sex- 
es rubbed against each other, but she still 
liked the fit. And she was smart and 
cocky enough to tell off her sisters when 
their sexual doctrine grew tyrannically 
Sapphic. “It is nonsense to say that a 
woman feels nothing when a man is mov- 
ing his penis in her vagina: The orgasm 
is qualitatively different when the vagina 
can undulate around the penis instead of 
vacancy,” she wrote in The Female Eu- 
nuch, the best-selling book that estab- 
lished her reputation. 

Instead of inveighing against the pow- 
er of the phallus, as Dworkin would years 
later, Greer sang the praises of potent 
vaginas. She also availed herself of the 
pleasures of many beds in those years. 
She had an affair with the lead singer of 
the kick-ass, radical-prole Detroit band 
MC5, though years later, she would for- 
get his name. “How awful,” she would tell 
a reporter, "when you can't remember 
their names.” She was the original bad 
girl of feminism. 

“I believed there was no such thing as 
promiscuity,” she tells us in her authori- 
tative way, lying on a hotel bed in mid- 
town Manhattan. “If you have chosen to 
be with the man you're with—even if he's 
the fifth man today—if you've chosen 
him, you are not promiscuous.” 

But this is the fall of 1987, and by now, 
Greer is a different woman. We have 
come to talk with her, one September 
afternoon, in her room at the Orleans 
Hotel, where she is staying during a visit 
to New York. 

The woman who greets us is not the vi- 
brant lady of Life. More than 16 years 
have passed since that photo was taken— 
Greer is now nearing 50—and time has 
not trod lightly for her. 

The spark, we quickly discover, is in 
her specch. She is a dazzling conversa- 
tionalist with a gift for the brassy asser- 
Поп and the cutting remark. As the 
afternoon progresses, most of her wicked 
brilliance is directed against the sexual 
revolution and, more disconcertingly, sex 
itself. 

“1 dont think the sexual revolution 
ever happened," Greer says, seuling into 
a straight-backed chair. She is wearing a 


sensible blue dress and blue stockings 
with runs in them. 

“We didn't release the average person 
to a full understanding of his own eroti- 
cism. What we did do was tie him to a 
duty of genitality and sexual response. 
He wasn't allowed even to be bored. Holy 
shit! 

“Look, it seems to me that the basic 
fact about human sexual conjunction is 
that it's banal, and the chief problem of 
the human race has been to render it 
interesting. In the past, it was made excit- 
ing and exotic and faraway, so that when 
you finally got into the womaris bodice, it 
was like going all the way to Turkey. But 
nowadays, instead of mystery and dan- 
ger, we have a performance ethic about 
sex. Youre supposed to keep your cir- 
cuits unjammed, you're supposed to 
dimb on regularly, you're supposed to 
have good orgasms of the right kind. 
We've now got a Protestant religion of 
sex. We have WASP sex. And it is deeply 
tedious.” 

Greer’s pure, bright anger is invigorat- 
ing. She sees with a burning clarity how 
badly sex has been used. But there is a 
great fatigue in her voice, as well. No sex- 
ual practice seems to hold interest for her 
anymore. Masturbation? "Basically dull. 
1 think we can all agree to this. Ме h; 
all masturbated and we all know that it is 
deeply dull. Doctors now prescribe it, 
certain proof that it's deeply dull." Oral 
sex? “It's like being attacked by a giant 
snail. 1 prefer conversation. “Hey, what's- 
your-name, what are you doing down 
there? Do you mind if 1 smoke while 
you're eating? " 

Is Greer really as weary of the dance to 
Venus as she sounds? 

She assures us that she is. "I have 
found sexual love extremely exhausting, 
riddled with tensions and hostilities and 
jealousies and insecurities. I spent most 
of the best years of my life trying to get it 
right, and I'm just delighted not to be 
worried about it anymore. I really 
couldn't care less. 

"Believe me,” she tells us, propping her 
head up with one elbow, “I would love to 
lose interest altogether in the penis. 1 
don't know what's the matter with me 
that I still think it’s so fascinating. It real- 
ly makes me mad. But at least I prefer 
boys to men, so I'm not entirely 

The graying of Germaine Greer was 
part of the general fade-out of feminism 
in the Eighties. For more than a decade, 
feminism—along with gay liberation— 
had provided most of the intellectual 
energy in the great exploration of the 
country’s erogenous zones. But by the 
mid-Eighties, the boiler had run ош of 
steam. For the most part, feminist intel- 
lecwals seemed like ragged and lifeless 

(continued on page 168) 


“Just ask anybody who knows anything about farming—if you don't screw 
me, we're not going to have any rain this year, either.” 


close calls, tenderfoot pilots 
and deregulated airlines—a 
harrowing view from 
unfriendly skies 


article By CAPTAIN X 
and REYNOLDS DODSON 


CONFESSIONS 
of 
CAPTAIN 


T SHOULD HAVE been routine. 

We were bringing a 727 into Saginaw, 

Michigan. The weather was clear and 
we had already begun our descent. I 
could see the airport spread out below 
me in a little geometric spill among the 
snowbanks. 

In one of those board-room mane 
vers that have become endemic in our in- 
dustry, my company had recently merged 
with a smaller airline. This had given us 
some new and, to me, unfamiliar routes. 
Although 1 knew about 200 U.S. airports 
like the palm of my hand, I had never 
been to Saginaw. (Some details of this 
Otherwise true account have been altered 
10 protect my airline.) 

Boarding the plane, 1 had introduced 
myself to my copilot and flight engineer, 
who were new to me. They were ei 
рісуеев of the now-absorbed smaller air- 
line. My copilot was a man of about my 
age, 42. 
Saginaw was the second leg of our trip. 
The flight had originated in Miami and, 
following the custom of our industry 
had turned the controls over to the copi- 
lot after the (continued on page 140) 


GATEFOLD PHOTOGRAPHY ВУ 
STEPHEN WAYDA 


meet miss june, 
one of the aloha 
state's top attractions 


GABLE 


“People around here call те ‘the girl in 
block. | wear black underwear, toa— 
silky, sexy С strings and bustiers. 
When | get dressed up to go aut ct 
night, | like to feel good underneath. 
Silk and loce. | never plan anything іп 
advance, but it’s good to be prepared.” 


IRST OFF THAT NAME. In an age in which names get changed at a whim, Tawnni 
Cable still has the one she was born with. She has the birth certificate to prove it. 
Still, when Miss June introduces herself, she gets looks that say “Suure?” She 
doesn't even dike the name that much. To her, it sounds like tanned phone lines. 
Ламппі is, however, tawny. Her Waikiki tan—a shade darker than the pictures 
in Hawaiian Tropic ads—can be seen in 


swimsuit calendars sold to panting men 
all over Oahu. She is also impossible to 
pigeonhole. Raised in rainy northwest 
Oregon, she has carried on a lifelong 
love affair with sun, surf and sand. Too 
free-spirited to tolerate a clock-punch- 


ing job, she nevertheless wears two 
wrist watches when she travels—one set for local time, the other for Hawaii time. She 
once spent a stint as that rarest of combinations, a busty New York fashion model. 
“I was as skinny as the rest of them,” she says, “but I had boobs.” On Waikiki Beach, 
she usually tans in glowing green and orange bikinis; off the beach, she wears black. 
Once a “wild and crazy girl,” she now pines for monogamy and motherhood. 


107 


Most of all, Tawnni is те- 
lentless fun. Nothing about 
her is conventional, from 
24-34 figure to her 
iness (“I never 
leave the house without do- 
ing the dishes and cleaning 
everything") to her surfing 
advice (“Stand up as long as 
you сап”) to her lingerie 
(sublime). Other people 
make career decisions on 
New Year's Eve. Tawnni left 
one of New York's top mod- 
eling agencies on Hal- 
loween. Even her approach 
to posing for Playboy was 
unique. "I didn't look at the 
camera as a lover or any- 
thing like that. I thought of 
a girl I knew from kinder- 
garten through high school. 
She was Satan's spawn. She 
made fun of everybody. 
When | posed, | knew 1 
looked good, and I thought, 
I want her to see this.” 

Thousands of gorgeous 
young women, believing 
that looks are the essence of 
acting, fancy themselves 
Streeps in waiting. Not 
Tawnni. “1 wanted to be an 
actress. For a while, I 
thought that would Бе 
great,” she says. “But Im 
junk as an actress. 1 am the 
worst actress 1 ever saw.” 
Working in Miami one sum- 
mer, she tried out for a role 
in Miami Vice. Her looks got 
her an audition. She spent a 
night practicing the two 
lines she would read for Vice 
executives, working up a 
different delivery for every 
possible mood. When her 
big moment came, a Vice 
exec nodded and, she recalls, 
“I forgot my lines. I guess Га 
like to be an actress, but it's 
not in my blood." 


"Being nude is not thot 
different from ueoring а 
bi or being a fashion 
model" Tounni soys. "ln 
Меш York, fashion models 
change clothes іп the 
street—somebody holds 
up а coat and you change. 
Appearing nude in Ployboy 
isnt weird. Being uncom- 
fortable nude is weird.” 


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da aan Пе 
BUST: Xo _ sr: A Sm al 
HEIGHT: WEIGHT: 1 є 


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AMBITIONS: 


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"In bed, I like to cuddle. These days, I like cuddling—snuggling under o blanket, watching TV and 
eating popcom—more than getting all erotic, wild and crazy, hanging from the chandelier ond screw- 
ing. But there ore times when I hong from chandeliers. | used to be a wild ond crazy girl. I'm not so 
wild ond crazy anymore. I want to get married. I want to have o baby. Marriage comes first, I guess." 


She laughs, recalling her moment on the brink of Vice. Tawani is not the wpe to brood. She makes do 
with surf. sand and sun in her Hawaiian paradise, where her daily Huorescent-bikinied tanning session is 
currently tourist attraction number three, Numero uno is Tom Selleck of Magnum, PI fame, First-time visi- 
tors 10 Hawaii, she says, invariably rent Selleck-style red Ferraris. hoping that someone will point at them 
and ery, “There goes Magnum." Honolulu crooner Don Ho is Sellecks runner-up. (Spooling Ho's signature 
song. Playboy photographers refer to Miss June as Tawnni Bubbles.) "Don Ho is kind of weird,” says Таман, 
who sees the singer in a nearby parking garage “all the time. Hell split a beer with anybody who comes 
* HE lucky Ho will one day share a few bubbles with Miss June. the Aloha States most natural resource 

He knows where to lind her. Every afternoon, Tawnni dons a shimmering bikini and stretches out on 
the white sand of Waikiki Beach. Tourists and natives alike gather round to gawk. “E dort mind being 
looked at.” Tawnni says. This news may do for Waikiki travel business what Paul Hogan did for Australia’s 


ini 


along 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


While entering his limo, Vice-President Qu; 
spotted a mugger attacking an old woman 
nearby alley. Instinetively, he ran past his Secret 
Service agents, pounded the scoundrel on the 
head with his ostrichskin attaché case and saved 
the woman from further harm. 

Later, a reporter asked him why he had used 
his attache case to subdue the attacker. “It was 
ther that,” Quayle explained, “or ruin a perfectly 
good five iron. 


How can you tell the bride at a WASP wedding? 
She's the one kissing the golden retriever. 


an walked into his daughter's bedroom to 
say hello and was shocked to see her playing w 
a vibrating dildo. “Honey, what 

iddy.” his daughter replied, 
years old, fat and ugly. 
d a date in fifteen y 


ers face it. Im 
and I havent 
is the best Im 
r walked away with tears 


The next day, the daughter went home and 
found h ther watching TV mill å beer n one 
hand 
what arc vou doi 

“Well, honey.” he replied brightly “I thought 
Га have a beer with my son-in-law.” 


The gentleman was so taken with his new love 
that when they got married, he had her name tat- 
tooed on his penis. When it was ei read 
N-D-Y; when flaccid, W-Y 
They went to Jamaica for their honeymoon 
and spent their first afternoon on a nude beach. 
an hour, the man went to the bar to order 
inks. He found himself standing next to 
ative man and couldnt help but no- 
tice that his penis read W- 
"Excuse me, sir, but is your girlfriends name 
Wendy, too?" he asked. 
“No, mine says, "Welcome to Jamaica, mon, 
have a nice day: 


In the Forties, two Nevada Indian tribes were en- 
gaged in a heated territorial dispute on the L. 
Governments atomic-testing grounds. The re- 
spective chiefs were busy exchanging insults and 
threats by way of smoke signals when there was a 
thunderous explosion and an enormous cloud 


rose thousands of feet in the One of the 
chiefs stared silently at the cloud for a long timc. 
then sadly shook his head and muttered, “I wish 
I had said that." 


A delicate young man went into a тесгі 
office, After answering numerous quest 
was finally asked if he was a homosexual. The fel- 
low admitted that he was. 

ay, huh?” the brawny recruiter grunted. “Do 
k you could kill a man 
‚es. the man giggled. 


but it would take 


about the cheap jerk who got away 
g his girlfriend an empty box for her 


motor pool. 
ion do you have ava 


nsporta 


able?" а gruff voice asked. 


Just an old jeep th 
und їп,” came the reply. 
Do yon know who this is?” 


ass general rides 


al Reynolds and that is my 
soldier!” he bellowed. 
“Do you know who this is?” the Gl asked 
“No, I dont! 
“Then goodbye, fat-ass. 


ісер. 


The woma 
would st 
the ho 
Is there anything you can do?" she asked. 

“Well,” the doctor answered, “we could cut his 
balls off, and then he would no longer have a sex 
dri 

“Gee,” the woman re that seems awfully 
harsh. Couldn't you just clip his nails and do 
something about his breath? 


complained to her vet that her dog 
t humping her every time he came into 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on а post 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, Playboy, 
Playboy Bldg, 919 N. Michigan Ave, Chicago, 
HI. 60611. $100 will be paid. to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


SLOW a) A} 
VEHICLES 
MUST EMPLOY 


119 


Isuzu newest sports utility vehicle, 
the Amigo, is o kicky little machine 
fhofs available in two- or four- 
wheel drive powered by either о 
96-hp ого 120-hp engine coupled 
to a five-speed gearbox. Prices be- 
gin around $9000 for the two- 
wheel drive ond $12,000 for the 
four-wheel drive. Great fun! 


Sonyos MCD950 is on au- 
diophiles commond center. 
A bossurround sound system 
provides a bottom Бес! for 
the remote-controlled 30- 
selection programable dual 
compact-disc players, auto 
reverse dual cossette re- 
corders, three-bond graphic 
equolizer and AM/FM 


stereo rodio, abou! $800. 


When the big boys go solt- 
water fishing, Tritonis Beost- 
Master 30/50 reel ond rod 


is the weapon of choice. The 


lightweight rod hos a 
patented grip that elimi- 
nates line wear and the two- 


speed aluminum reel shifts 


on demand, from Shimano, 


Irvine, California, $750. 
120 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD IZUI 


Staying fit is ап uphill bot- 
Не. Treco's Power Steps 
150 gets you over the top 
with programed оғ cus- 
tom workouts. The РС150 
measures climbing speed 
іп feet per minute, 
feet climbed, the col- 
cries burned up and 
the time remaining, from 
The Fitness Warehouse, 
Skokie, Illinois, $3495. 


Tocelebrate the company’s 
70th birthday in а big 
way, Olympus hes created 
a limited-edition camera 
named O-Product. It’s a 
nifty-looking — point-and- 
shoot 35mm model that's 
completely automatic and 
hos a retrotech body and 
a detachable flash, $600, 
with a strap and а pouch. 


The ultimate Big Easy 
surely must be this Ke-Zu 
Club Chair made of hond- 
some  vegetoble-tonned 
leother stretched over а 
hardwood frame. The chair, 
$5500, matching ottomon, 
$2915, both fram Dakota 
Jocksan, New York. 


15 iced-teo time, ond Мс 
Coffee is playing host. That 
company hos just intro- 
duced The Iced Teo Pot, o 
machine that creates о 
pitcher cf iced teo in obout 
ten minutes fram water, ісе 


cubes and tea, about $50. 


Magnavox’ new little three-inch col- 
ог TV features a pop-up back-lit 
screen, on-screen display ond 68- 
channel copobility. And if you're 
not into TV, theres ап AM/FM 
stereo la listen ta (the unit соп 
be powered by A.C., cor battery, 
battery pock ar batteries), $499. 


Тһе Michel Perrenoud Col- 
lection from Switzerland 
manufactures meticulous- 
ly crafted luxuries such as 
this elm-burr gentleman's 
jewelry case coated with 
high-gloss polyester, from 
ITAG, New York, $1230. 


NATUKAL BORN LOVER 
me 
BABY WORK OUT 


JUDY DONT тк MOODY 


WHERE DID THE NAUGHTY 
отоо 


1 HEARD IT THROUGH 
Tie CHAPIN 


The Diner Radio, pictured 
here, which plays AM/FM 
and cassettes, is a perfect 
reproduction of a Crosley- 
Select-o-Matie. The but- 
tons flip down to reveal 
radio dials, by Thomas 
about $130. 


America, 


124 


RISKY BUSINESS 


tales of the outdoors 


By CRAIG VETTER 


E ARLY LAST SUMMER, On a float trip down the Middle Fork of the 
Salmon River in Idaho, a group of us spotted a thin white 
plume of smoke against the otherwise perfectly blue wilderness sky. 
We watched for about a half hour, wondering out loud whether the 
US. Forest Service were going to let the blaze burn its course or try 
somehow to get fire fighters into this roadless spot to knock it down. 

About the time the ribbon of smoke became a small column, we got 
our answer: A DC-3 made a couple of passes, then let two parachutists 
into the air near the smoke. We watched them drop softly out of sight 
behind a ridge. Soon after, the smoke turned wispy, then was gone. 

There was a beautifully quiet sort of drama to the whole thing, and 
it made me remember something a friend had asked me after I made 
my one and only sky dive: “You jumped out of an airplane that wasn't 
on fire?" Made me wish he'd been there to see those smoke jumpers— 
two guys jumping out of an airplane that wasn’t on fire into a forest 
that was. 

“Probably the most important thing out there is that vou never want 


to come down to your last option,” Jim Thrash told me when I asked 


SMOKE 


JUMPERS 


why would anyone parachute into a burning forest? 


ILLUSTRATION EV WILSON MCLEAN 


PLAYBOY 


him about his work. “You always want to 
have someplace to go if things get away 
from you.” Thrash is 39, and in the fall 
and winter, he works as an outfitter and 
guide, packing people by horse into the 
Idaho back country to fish and hunt. 
Summers, for the past eight years, he's 
been a smoke jumper for the U.S. Forest 
Service. 1 met him shoruy after the in- 
credible firestorms of 1988 had finally 
burned themselves out. No one had ever 
seen a summer like it, he said, and those 
who were actually on the fire lines knew 
early that they were in trouble. In the 
first 11 weeks of the season, Thrash 
worked 850 hours and jumped 14 fires. 

That's what those guys call it—jump- 
ing a fire: going out the door of an air- 
plane 1500 feet above some remote patch 
of burning wilderness, hoping that the 
mountain weather doesnt sail them into 
the tops of the big ponderosas, hoping 
that there is at least a small piece of flat 
ground to land on and that by the time 
they are down, the fire will still be small 
enough so that a few men with Pulaskis 
can dig a line that will contain it. 

And what if the line doesnt hold? 
What if the fire gets up into the trees and 
begins to run? 

“Happens all the time,” Thrash said. 
“Especially in conditions like we had last 
season, Four years of drought, near zero 
fuel moisture, high winds. A lot of times 
last summer, we were just overwhelmed. 
That's when you hope you haven't come 
down to that last-resort situation, where 
all of a sudden, you hear the roar of 
the flames coming up а canyon and your 
partner looks at you, and you look at 
your partner, and you're both thinking, 
We're taters.” 

There are about 400 smoke jumpers in 
the U.S. They work for the U.S. Forest 
Service and the Bureau of Land Man- 
agement, and from June to September, 
they are on call for duty anywhere in 
the country, including Alaska. When a 
smoke column is spotted, usually in deep 
back country, a decision is made to either 
let it burn—a so-called management 
fire—or attack и with the paratroops 
while a commando assault may still make 
a difference. 

"Тһе jumpers go in pairs, at least, and 
sometimes in teams of as many as 90, 
with just survival gear and personal kit. 
“Tools and drinking water are dropped to 
them on cargo chutes. When they've 
done what they can, they hike to the 
nearest road with more than 100 pounds 
of gear on their backs. They make seven 
to ten dollars an hour, time and a half for 
overtime, with a 25 percent hazard-pay 
bonus for fighting uncontrolled fires. 

Thrash works out of the McCall, Ida- 
ho, loft, which is where he took the four- 


week training course that’s designed to 
turn an already experienced fire fighter 
into a jumper. Altogether, the trainees 
make nine practice jumps: onto clearing 
and open hillside at first, then into heavi- 
ly wooded terrain. Thrash got through 
jump training and even his first fire 
jump into meadowless woods on Ironside 
Mountain with no particular fear or 
trouble, he says. It was the final test he 
hated. “That was the worst. You have to 
hike three and a half miles over moun- 
tain terrain in three and a half hours, 
with a one-hundred-and-fifteen-pound 
pack. Its fairly simple on flat ground, but 
when you start going up or along sidehill 
over downed timber, it's really tiring, be- 
cause once your pack gets moving in a 
certain direction, it takes all the strength 
you have to keep it from pulling you off 
your feet. My first time out, it took me 
three hours and thirty-six minutes, 
which meant I had to do it again.” 

Three days later, with a patch of mole- 
skin over a large sore that the pack had 
worn into the middle of his back, he 
made the walk in two hours and 18 
minutes. 

About 70 jumpers work out of McCall, 
and, Thrash said, they're a motley crew. 
“If you were looking for a common 
thread, it would be that they all like 
adventure. They're adrenaline freaks. 
Otherwise, we have all kinds, from 
ultrareligious family men to drunken 
welfare types and everything in between. 
A lot of guys are real quiet, not what 
you'd call macho, and then there 
are some John Wayne types. Strangely 
enough, an amazing number of them are 
afraid of heights. That doesn't show up 
so much on the jumps, because from 
fifteen hundred feet, it looks like a diora- 
ma or a relief map down there, and you 
really can't feel the height. But when a 
cargo box lands in a tree and somebody 
has to climb a hundred feet or so, that's 
when you see the fear.” 

Itisn't only cargo boxes that land in the 
trees, of course. “A lot of things can hap- 
pen on the way down," is the way Thrash 
put it. “You get these tremendous winds 
in the mountains and they can be very lo- 
cal. I remember jumping once т an area 
of thunderstorms. We dropped the 
streamers and everything seemed OK, so 
I went out the door, and all of a sudden, I 
got hit by a microburst that blew me 
straight backward, which is how I land- 
ed. Ona pile of rocks. Hurt my neck and 
my back a little is all. 

“Tree landings are the biggest danger. 
The branches collapse your chute, then 
you just drop, sometimes more than a 
hundred feet. Happened to me once and 
I think it was about the worst scare I ever 
got. My lines caught on a little branch 


and stopped me about six inches from 
the ground. I've been lucky, though; 
more than a hundred twenty jumps with 
no serious injuries. I think the casualty 
rate is something like three injuries per 
hundred jumps.” 

Casualties are usually evacuated by 
helicopter from the nearest clearing. 
If no one is hurt, the team sets to digging 
a line wide enough to stop the spread 
of fire. If the flames jump that line, 
the effort sometimes turns into a survival 
exercise. 

“When fire gets up into the forest 
crown,” said Thrash, “when the whole 
vertical array of fuel is involved, there's 
just nothing you can do about it under 
the severe sort of conditions we had last 
summer. All you can do is fall back, get 
yourself into a safety zone, hope it is safe, 
and regroup. Most of the effort thrown at 
fires like chat is for the media. So they 
can't say, “You guys didn't do anything 
about it. Once a fire escapes initial at- 
tack, chances of catching it are very mini- 
mal until the wind dies, or it rains, or 
until the fire reaches a natural barrier, 

“Big fires create their own weather and 
the release of energy is unbelievable. 
Sometimes you get fire whirls, which are 
like tornadoes, and talk about problems! 
You get these two-hundred-mile-an-hour 
cyclonic winds that will lift the burning 
debris up into a column and then just 
kind of wander off. And when the em- 
bers do come down, all of a sudden, the 
fires a lot bigger than it was before. 
When you're standing fifty or a hundred 
yards from a fire and it burns your skin, 
you know you're in a hot one. We saw a lot 
of that last summer.” 

Like many of those who were involved 
with the wildfires of 1988, Thrash thinks 
most of what happened was unstoppable, 
given the drought in the Western moun- 
tains and the winds that fanned whatev- 
er got started. But he does think those in 
charge might have decided to hit some 
fires earlier and harder if their estimates 
of the potential danger had been more 
complete. 

“I think there was just too much em- 
phasis on computer models and not 
enough on common sense. The theorists 
were basing their projections on fuel 
loads and fuel types. But things were so 
dry out there—remember, this is an 
ecosystem that normally gets daily rain, 
and it didn't get any for ninety days last 
summer—they were seeing stuff burn 
that they thought was fireproof. Now 
they're saying, ‘Gee, weather has a lot 
bigger role in this than we thought it did." 
Surprise, surprise." 

Thrash will tell you that all smoke 
jumpers’ stories begin with "There I 

(concluded on page 178) 


“Would you mind looking at the sunset on the ocean without me today, Herbert?” 


THIS 


ІШІН 


ОҒ ТНЕ ҮЕАК 
|5 А РІДҮМАГЕ ГОК А НЕЕПМЕ 


EVENTEEN MONTHSAGO, she left her British Columbia 

home and flew to Los Angeles, touching off an in- 

ternational affair that has been chronicled around 

the world. As Miss January 1988, Canada’s gift to 

Playboy mused, “I'm in control of my own destiny, 
and whatever it is, it's going to be fun.” And fun it has 
been, for a mere six months later, standing beside the 
Wishing Well on the grounds of Playboy Mansion West, 
Kimberley Conrad said yes to a destiny she—and count- 
less others—had long believed was fantasy. She agreed to 
wed Hugh M. Hefner, a man who was thought to be the 
pajama-clad icon of bachelorhood. Sitting in the Mansion 
Library, her long, perfect legs curled under her, Kimber- 
ley recalls the night Hefner popped the question no one 
thought he had in him. “It was July twenty-third of last 
year,” she recalls. “It was а beautiful, romantic night, and 
Hef and I had been playing Foosball in the Game House. 
I was in a wonderful mood, since I had won, and as we 
walked back to the main house, Hef stopped me by the 
Wishing Well. He was very calm, very sweet. ‘Will you 
marry те?" he asked. I said 1 would have to think it over. 


You should have scen his jaw drop.” She laughs, remem- 
bering that magical evening. “1 thought about it for 
about two seconds. Then I said, ‘Of course ГИ marry you.” The wedding and gala reception 
are scheduled for July first at Playboy Mansion West. The ceremony itself will take place, 


naturally enough, beside the Wishing Well—where Hef proposed nearly a year earlier. 


Dennis Mukai's specially commissioned acrylic-on-canvas portrait of Playmate of the 
Year Kimberley Conrad (above) will be made available in the form of limited-edition 
serigraphs; information on ordering them appears on page 175. At right, our top 
Playmate—and fiancée of Editor-in-Chief Hugh М. Hefner—in a hint of bridal lace. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA 


ressed simply in 
bride-white tennis 
duds, she nuzzles her 
beagle, Boots. Curled 
beside her is Dior, her 
Doberman. Kimberley, who is Playboy's 1989 Playmate of the Year as wellas 


Hef's fiancée, has introduced two dogs and a cat to the Mansion. But when 
she moved in, she brought something much more important than a 
menagerie to Hef' life. January 1988 was not the happiest time for Hef, 
who was just emerging from a bad relationship. Kimberley had flown in 
from Vancouver for a two-day shooting with famed photographer Helmut 
Newton, who was working on a special project for Playboy. She was no 
stranger to the Mansion, having stayed there several times while shooting 
her centerfold and pictorial. “I had admired her from afar,” admits Hef 
now. "So I asked her to join a small group of us for а screening in the Liv- 
ing Room.” Kimberley politely declined. “In part out of self-defense,” she 
explains. “I knew I was attracted to him, but I also knew he had his choice 
of hundreds of women. And I certainly was not going to be a one-night 
stand.” But the next night, she was drawn into casual conversation with 
Hef and some friends around the Dining Room table. During that 
evening, both Kimberley and Hef let down their guard long enough to ad- 
mit to a strong case of mutual attraction. Kimberley left the next day, with 
plans to return the following week for a longer visit. Their long weekend 
together proved what they had already suspected: Theirs was a very 
special relationship. “She returned to Vancouver to collect her belongings 


and was back in my arms within a few days, where she has been ever since,” 


says Hef happily “This relationship is simply too special to end.” 


Very much at home at Playboy 
Mansion West, Kimberley lounges 
in Hef's pajamas, takes a playful 
puff on one of his old pipes and 
frolics with beagle Boots. At far 
right, she poses with another spe- 
cially commissioned work of art, 
a life-sized etched-glass panel in 
her likeness designed by Eman- 
uele Raffi for Glass Visions. This 
one she plans to keep for herself. 


e treats me like royalty" savs Kimberley, "and I have to admit that I love it. 


People always ask about the difference in our ages. I'm twenty-six. He's sixty- 
two. But he looks forty, and the way he thinks, the way he moves—its like he's 
my age. And there's a lot of passion in our relationship. He's very passionate. Of 
course,” she adds with a little smile, “1 do take credit for some of the passion 


myself." Kimberley is not publicly flamboyant; she is actually something of a private 
person and still not completely at ease in crowds. She does her best at the parties, press 
conferences, interviews and photo sessions her new life demands, she says, but she wor- 
ries that her best may not always be good enough. She always wants her best to be bet- 


ter. That self-improvement impulse is apparent even in her physical view of herself. 


133 


nbelievably, Kimberley worries that her pictures aren't pretty enough. She says she likes her fa- 
mous front but isn’t so sure about her backside. "My bum could look better,” she says. “I'm build- 


ing it up in the weight room.” She was so sure she'd be a runner-up that she would not believe 


she'd won until the pictures you see on these pages were sent to the printer. "Becoming Play- 

mate of the Year is as unbelievable to me as anything else. I probably should have listened to my 
friend Ken Honey,” she says, referring to the veteran Vancouver photographer who has discovered 
virtually all of the Playmates who came to us from British Columbia, including 1980 Playmate of the 
Year Dorothy Stratten, Heidi Sorenson, Kelly Tough, Lonny Chin and a half dozen other gatefold 
girls. “It was Ken who first encouraged me to try out for Playmate, telling me that one day I'd be 
Playmate of the Year. I laughed. I didn't believe him then, and, frankly, it's hard to believe even now." 


135 


s Playmate of the Year, Kimberley із the surprised owner of а check for 
$100,000. A hefty chunk of that allotment will go to her granny, whom she still 
calls “Мета Li 


in fond baby talk. The rest, as befits а self-described “prac- 


tical girl,” will roll over forever in money-market funds. So much for the prac- 
tical. Kimberley’s other Playmate of the Year award, a pearlescent white 
Porsche 911 Cabriolet, is impractical to the tune of 149 miles per hour and 24 miles 


per gallon. Pragmatism has its limits. “I got one without scoops and fins, a real lady's 


car," she says, “so people won't see me drive by and say, "Thats her boyfriend's car. 
Earning those wheels was not easy for the shy Alabama-born beauty, who admits, “IUsa 


lot easier to be naked with the person I'm in love with.” (text concluded on page 152) 


PLAYBOY 


140 


CAPTAIN X (continued from page 104) 


“There I sat with 152 passengers. None of us had the 
faintest idea that we might have 97 seconds to live.” 


first leg, During our preflight check-out, 
1 had asked him how long һе had been 
driving the Seven-Two. 

“Eight years," he said as he busied him- 
self with the hundreds of details that go 
into every preflight check list. 

"Eight years," I said to myself. “That's 
pretty good." 

While I was qualified to fly the 727, my 
experience on it had been mostly in 
training flights. I was glad to have a man 
at my side who had such intimate knowl- 
edge of the plane. 

“And you know Saginaw,” I said. 

“Been flying there since I joined the 
company,” came the slightly smug reply. 

Terrific. Superterrific. 

Through Flight Control, we had 
learned that the airport was undergoing 
renovation. The longer of the two run- 
ways—about 6800 feet—had been tem- 
porarily shortened. It was now about 
5500 feet, which was well within the re- 
quirements of a 727 but considerably 
short of the 7000 or so feet that would be 
considered average. The second run- 
way—runway 14—was about 5000 feet. 

Now, 5000 feet on a 727 is cutting it 
pretty close. The plane can land in a 
shorter space, but unless you've been 
making your home in that cockpit for 
quite a while, you really dont want to go 
around testing a planes minimum land- 
ing requirements. 

“How do you plan to take her іп?” 1 
asked as we neared Saginaw. (As captain, 
I'm the copilots chief and mentor. From 
Bate to gate, no matter who is actually 
handling the controls, the captain is re- 
sponsible for everything that happens.) 

“Runway fourteen,” he said. “ГЇЇ bring 
her in ага forty flap.” 

А plane’ flap setting is crucial to the 
landing procedure. The farther the flaps 
are down, the lower the nose is tilted. It's 
what we call the deck angle. The usual 
flap setting—the one I had been per- 
forming day in and day out along the 
Southern tier—is 30 degrees. By choos- 
ing a 40-degree setting, my copilot was 
indicating that he was planning to alter 
our deck angle, increase the amount оГ 
drag and lessen our velocity. These Ғас- 
tors would enable us to land the plane at 
a relatively slow 120 knots and come to a 
stop well within the 5000-foot limit. 

It took me about half a second to con- 
clude that my copilot was making the 
right decision, and I again congratulated 
myself on drawing Mr. Spock as my first 
officer. 

So there I sat, ignorant and blissful, 


my arms folded across my chest, my soda 
and my peanuts at my side, with 152 
equally ignorant and blissful passengers 
in the cabin behind me. None of us had 
the faintest idea that we might have 
about 97 seconds to live. 

One of the great thrills of flying is that 
you're constantly getting to experience 
what other men spend their entire lives 
clawing and scratching to achieve—that 
awe-inspiring, ego-swelling phenomenon 
called The View from the 40th Floor. I 
never tire of it. The landscape is con- 
stantly changing. I wouldn't trade offices 
with Donald Trump on a bet. 

But The View from the 40th Hoor 
takes on a special significance when 
you're coming in for that delicate opera- 
tion called the landing. You're not sitting 
inan office with your feet up on the desk, 
you're sitting at the tip of a falling arrow. 
Every decision is potentially a matter of 
life and death. You're scanning your in- 
strument panel. You're making many 
small adjustments in your ailerons and 
your elevators. You're watching to see 
that your wings are level, your air speed's 
steady your landing gears down, your 
angle of approach is proper. And while 
you're doing all that, and while you're 
lookingat your engine pressure and your 
compass headings and your rate of de- 
scent and your altitude gauges, you're al- 
so looking through your windshield and 
you're comparing what you're seeing on 
the ground with what you've seen a thou- 
sand times before in a thousand other 
similar landings. It all happens very fast 
and your actions are instinctive. 

When the airport is new to you, howev- 
er, when the terrain is just a little differ- 
ent from any you've ever seen before, 
when it's a plane you're not quite comfort- 
able with and its coming in on a 
configuration that is used only in the 
most unusual circumstances, sometimes 
your instincts don't work right. And 
when that happens, all you can do is mar- 
vel at what a weird feeling this is and look 
to your supercompetent copilot for sup- 


rt. 

As I sat there, I couldn't help thinking, 
Isn't it strange how, when you come in at 
a steep angle toward a runway you've 
never seen before, you have the optical il- 
lusion you're about to crash? 

1 rolled a peanut over on my tongue. 

The ground rose closer. 

And isn't it strange, I thought, the way 
it looks like you may not even clear those 
trees down there, but even if you do clear 
those trees, youre certainly going to hit 


those lights, and aren't you lucky that Mr. 
Spock here knows so much more than 
you, and that the lump rising in your 
throat, which seems to be getting larger 
with every passing moment, is apparently 
not rising in his much more knowledge- 
able one? 

In 20 years of service, Гуе listened 10 
more than my share of dead men's chat- 
ter on voice recorders. I've sat through 
100 many postcrash conferences and lis- 
tened to too many ghostly conversations. 
coming from those charred and battered 
“black boxes." (Actually, they're orange 
or yellow—the better to spot them in the 
wreckage.) And 1 know that often the last 
word a pilot utters before his plane disin- 
tegrates in a fiery ball is shit. That may 
not be a very noble way to depart this 
planet, but that's the way ill-fated pilots 
usually go. 

1 can't swear that that particular An- 
glo-Saxonism was the one that escaped 
my lips at that moment, but if it wasn't, it 
wasn't for lack of thinking it. 

Snapping forward, 1 grabbed the yoke 
with one hand and pushed the throttles 
forward with the other. We were a good 
100 yards short of the runway, and we 
were doomed to crash. 

"Power. . . full power!" I cried. 

I knew that my only chance, if I had а 
chance, was to bring the nose up, push 
the throttles to the limit and hope like 
hell we would clear those approach lights. 
Straining forward against my shoulder 
harness, I slammed the throttles against 
the fire wall 

The plane leaped forward. 

I won't even venture to guess what the 
passengers thought at that moment. Even 
through the closed cockpit door, 1 could 
hear the first of what would be many 
crashes as dirty food trays, coffee pots 
and various pieces of overhead baggage 
shifted violently in their compartments. 
Within seconds, the air speed indicator 
shot from 122 to 143 knots. The plane 
bolted, flared—then hit the pavement. 
Later inspection would show that our 
main gear had cleared the end of the 
runway by less than 30 inches. 

But that wasnt the bad part. The bad 
part—the part that would make me won- 
der how my mothers little boy had ever 
come to be in this predicament—was 
that we were now hurding down a dwarf- 
sized runway at a speed approximating a 
Grand Prix race cars! 

As any pilot will tell you, when you 
have executed a landing as sloppy and 
screwed up as this one, there is only one 
right thing to do. Its an embarrassing 
and inelegant maneuver called a go- 
around. You shove the throttles forward 
and lift the plane back off the ground. 

Unfortunately, that is not the proce- 
dure my reflexes chose to perform. In 
the split-second’s confusion caused by the 

(continued on page 178) 


“Miss Bowman—my dear—I get а boner every night, dreaming about you. . . .” 


comics aren't the only ones striking 
it rich in the funny business 


С А 5 H 


COMEDY 


EATED BEHIND the blinking phones in his well-appointed 
padded cell of an office on the Sunset Strip in Los Angele 
Marty Klein, superagent, speaks of clients current and for- 
“I met Steve Martin when he was playing the Icehouse 
the early Seventies. I saw essentially a ma 
t time I saw Andy Kaufman, he didn't get one 
. The audience hated him. But when I saw him on 
stage, I thought, This is something; this is different. I told him 
"You're a great comedian.’ He looked at me and said, ‘I'm not a 
comedian, I'm an entertainer.’ I said, ‘Entertainer, great, and 
offered my services. When I met Rodney Dangerfield, he said. 
“All I want is twenty-five thousand dollars a week in Vega 
said, ‘If that's all you want, I dont want to represent you.’ Pee- 
wee Herman I saw playing with the Groundlings in Г. A. I went 
to see him ten weeks in a row When I saw Sam Kinison the fi 
time, it was on an HBO special. 1 tracked him down over the 


article By MARK CHRISTENSEN 


ILLUSTRATION BY WILSON MCLEAN 


143 


144 


Monday, October 
10—Burbank 

1 DD The Tonight 
Show, with Jay Leno 
as the host. Because 
Jay is a friend, I 
didnt suffer the 
same type of nei 
ousness I normally 
do. Also, with а 
guest host, you're al- 
lowed to repeat ma- 
terial you've done оп 
the show before, so 
my set went real 
well. What I really 
liked was that Jay 
made а point of 
coming to my dress- 
ing room before the 
show. Johnny gener- 
ly doesn't talk to 
the guests before- 
hand, because he 
doesnt want to 
detract from the 
spontaneity David 
Letterman’ policy is 
the same, though 
David is also more 
of an inward per- 


son. 

Jay and I go back 
10 the Comedy Store 
days, when I used to 
call him Mr. Chin. 
Jay once told me he operated under 
the act-check philosophy: “Do the act, 
pick up the check,” he said. ОГ course, 
with his stature now, its probably 
check-act. He has no artistic preten 
sions. Yet with his sharp intellect, ded- 

ation to truth and work ethic, he has 
emerged as a blue-collar comedic 
artist. 

I really admire Jays lack of neuro- 
sis. To him, being on the road is like а 
п, I find that incomprehensi- 
n my own moodiness; but 
then, once you remove that moodi- 
ness—as he has done—it becomes 
quite simple. 


. 
Tuesday, October 19—Chicago 

I always leave for a show with the 
feeling of numbness. No expectations, 
no adrenaline. By Los Angeles stand- 
ards, where 1 live, irs colder than а 
motherfucker here in Chicago. Im 
staying at one of those residential ho- 
tels and my room has no heat. I was 
also down because I read an article 
The Wall Street Journal today that sai 
that while eight of the ten most popu- 
lar athletes in the country were black, 
nine of the top ten athletes in ei 
dorsement money were white. I must 
say, that didn't put me in å good mood 


a comic's daily grind 
isn't all laughs 


VT 


10 do comedy. Afier 
I read the article, I 
just said to myself, 
“It’s great to be an 
American" When- 
ever I find myself in 
one of these moods, 
I try to be profes- 


sional. You have to 
be a self-starter to 
do stand-up night 
after night regard- 
less of your emotion- 


By FRANKLYN AJAYE 


al state. 

The Improv was 
half full ог half 
empty. according to 
the Shearson Leh- 
man Hutton com 
mercial. So ГИ say it 
was half full. Unfor- 
tunately, my show 
was half empty. It’s 
the first time thats 
happened in а while 
My engine just 
wouldn't turn over. I 
even had to pull out 
my note cards and 
look at them during 
the show. I got off 
the stage to a good 
laugh, but it was 
struggle. Its going 
to be a tough wee 
psychologically, be- 
cause it's October. I've got a lot of 


jokes behind me this year—the dog 


days of comedy have arrived 
. 
Wednesday, October 19 —Chicago 

The show tonight was much better. 
H was almost a full house, and that 
makes a hell of a difference. Laughter 
is more infections with a big audience. 
A small audience demands, uncon- 
sciously, that the comedian be respon- 
sible for generating the enthusiasm, 
which is fine for those good days but 
quite a chore if you're a little out of 
sorts. 

About five years ago, I was in 
Francisco working at a club with ai 
other comedian named Doug Kehoe. 
He was a baseball farfatic and һе said 
that being a stand-up comedian was 
like being a pitcher, Like a pitcher, a 
comedian has the ball. Nothing hap- 
pens until he releases the ball, or, in 
our case, the routine. And the success 
of the show depends on the comedi- 

mis choice of pitches. Because I never 
do the same show twice, 1 liked that 
idea, so for the rest of the week, when 
one of us would finish our act, the 
other would tell him what he thought 
the score was. For example, tonight I 
won 4-0, (continued on page 158) 


phone to Colorado, and when 1 finally 
got him on the line, he said, ‘I've been 
waiting for you to call me for ten years.” 

Thats not surprising. As president of 
the Agency for the Performing Arts, 
Klein is one of the most powerful king- 
makers in a booming comedy indu 
His client list includes not only Steve 
Martin (who has been represented by 
Klein for 16 years) but a host of other 
comedy stars ranging from John Candy 
to Steven Wright to Martin Mull. “If 
‘re really serious about comedy, you 
must be represented by Marty Klei 
sists Winston Simone, who manages Emo 
Phillips and Judy ша. “Нез the 
Wayne Gretzky of comedy, the greatest.” 

OK, so Klein also represents Phillips 
and Tenuta. Thats one of the funny 
things about the comedy business. You 
could fill half of Dodger Stadium with 
the young comics up at the mikes in the 
hundreds of clubs that have sprouted 
from coast to coast But backstage, 
among the agents, managers, entertain- 
ment executives and major club owners. 
few are called and even fewer are chosen. 
Comedy is a very big business run by a 
very small group—about as many guys as 
it would take to provide pallbearers if, 
say, Bob Hope, Eddie Murphy and Bob 
Goldthwaite were all killed in the same 
plane crash. 

These few men preside over a show- 
business explosion the likes of which have 
not been seen since the Beatles. In some 
ways, however, comedy is an even greater 
bonanza than rock and roll. "There's no- 
body you can make more money out of 
than a really hot comic,” says one agent, 
“simply because he can do everything. 
Most rock-and-roll guys can do only one 
thing—sing. Who's gonna pay to go see 
Jon Bon Jovi try to act? And whos gonna 
pay to see Robert Redford belt out Gim- 
me Shelter? But a Jay Leno can perform 
in concert, a Jay Leno can make records 
and videos and a Jay Leno can star in a 
movie or a sitcom, host his own TV talk 
show, endorse potato chips, make money 
doing anything up to and probably ir 
cluding going to the toilet.” 

All тізім, that’s the goal. Now, how do 


you 


you get there? Who plucks you from ob- 


scurity? Who gets you the job? Who 
makes sure this ist your only $50,000 
gig of the year? For the record, the fol- 

lowing are the real kings of comedy 
Among agents: The aforementioned 
Marty Klein is the most powerful, Hoton 
his heels come Bob Williams and the vol- 
uble Geary Rindels—president and di- 
rector ol operations, respectively, of 
Spotlight, which represents such people 
as Jay Leno and Jerry Seinfeld. It spe 
cializes in concerts and clubs and 
drives the hardest deals m the business. 
Hildy Gottleib at International Creative 
(continued on page 162) 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette 
Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide. 


~ \ 
17 mg. "tar", 1.2 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method. Å 
Ç Ay 
SYN 
Y 


ES THE 
| REFRESHEST 


© 1909 f... REYNOLDS TOBACCO CO. 


т HAS BEEN nearly 
25 years since a man named Hoyle 
Schweitzer stood balanced оп a surf 
board holding a sail. The result was a 
sport that goes by the name of wind- 
surfing, or boardsail 

or simply holy-shit-this-is-fun. It occurs 
everywhere wind meets water, from 


mountain lakes to raging rivers to open 
ocean. Leaf through a copy of Wind Surf 
magazine and you will see boardsailors 
cruising beneath the gaze of the stone 
statues on Easter Island, beneath the 
steel bridges in the great harbors of San 
Francisco, Corpus Christi and New York, 
beneath the massive granite wall of Lake 


Wave goddess Sophie Laborie (above 
and right) made the pilgrimage to Maui 
from Noumea in New Caledonia. 


for the 
ultimate thrill, 
come fly with 
the women of 
maui 


148 


Сагда in Italy ог the тей 
sandstone arches of Lake 
Powell in Utah. Ground zero 
for the sport is the island of 
Maui. The best sailors in the 
world—male and female— 
go there to play at the 
beaches of Kanaha, Spreck- 
elsville and the ultimate are- 
na, Ho'okipa State Park. 
Stroll the rigging areas and 
you'll hear French, Japanese, 
Swedish, German and a 
mangled English that in- 
cludes the words gnarly 


Karla Weber (above), a world-class wind angel, has 
sailed off the shores of five other countries but likes 
to hang out above the waters of Ho'okipa State Park. 


designs bathing suits on the 
side, Sophie followed the 
winds from New Caledonia 
to be part of the sport at 
its best. Why do they love 
boardsailing? Lets talk 
reckless abandon. The sport 
combines the beauty of 
modern dance with the pow- 
er of surfing: Imagine l'ai 
chi in a wind tunnel. You 
stand on an epoxy board 
that is just over eight feet 
long and hold a sail that is 
40-some-odd square feet of 


awesome, radical and shred 
The subculture is vivid— 
the streets of Paia and Haiku are lined with shops selling 
fluorescent boards, sails and swimwear. The locals shape 
and sell the toys of the trade in tiny lofts, then take them out 
to play We asked photographer Sylvain Cazenave to capture 
some of these superb athletes in their natural habitat. He 
found Karla Weber and Sophie Laborie, Karla moved to 
Maui from Clearwater, Florida, to surf professionally. She 


Sophie (above), who learned on the reef-protected waters of New Caledoni 


Mylar and Dacron. The sail 

isa wing, an airfoil that pro- 

pels you to speeds greater than 40 miles per hour. When you 

take off from a wave, you can fly—maximum height is some- 
where around 50 feet. 

Boardsailing is a sport that involves the entire body. Look 
at these women: Behind every curve is а muscle. Now look at 
the sail: Behind every curve, the wind. Harness the two, put 
them into motion—and then catch them if you can. 


likes to speed-sail. Karla (right) got a rocky 


start at boardsailing— “Му brother sent me out without telling me how to get back and I had to swim"—but has become a 
pro. “И is a sport without limitations" When the only boundaries are imagination and courage, you have obsession. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY SYLVAIN CAZENAVE 


2 М0 QUE 


Ü N S 


NICOLAS CAGE 


for the Italian T-shirt. Why? 


icolas Cages baleful expression has, 

paradoxically, enlivened such movies 
as “Birdy,” “Peggy Sue Got Married" and, 
most тесепіу, “Raismg Arizona” and 
“Moonstruck.” His new release is “Vam- 
pires Kiss,” in which he eats a cockroach. 
Robert Crane caught up with Cage at his 
office in Los Angeles. Crane reports, “Cage 
reacted to being interviewed as most people 
read lo having root-canal work done. Un- 
accustomed to self-promotion, he paced the 
floor like an inmate on death row, constant 
ly running his fingers through his shock of 
unruly hair. Yet he was very cordial." 


м.лувоу: Your uncle is Francis Fo 
pola. Do you call him Godfather? 
слог: I called him Godfather when I was 
about eight years old. We used to go 
shopping in Chinatown. He would buy 
me laser-beam guns. There were three 
other kids: my brother, Christopher, and 
his two boys, Roman and Gian Carlo. 
I remember one time we went mii 
ture golfing and I kept singing the theme 
song to The Godfather just to bother him. 
I kept doing it over and over. He thought 
it was funny, I gu 


d Cop- 


I dont really call him 
I call him Kurtz. 


2. 


Coppola gives you advice, 


Godfather. 


тулувоу: Whe 
do you follow 
cace: Sometimes I ask him questions 
about people hes worked with. Once, I 
asked him about auditions because I was 
having trouble with readings. Не re- 

minded me i 


hollywood's ен 
unlikely heart- and that has ak 


ways calmed me 
down. He told me 
how Brando used 
to like to work with 
the artificial ele- 
ments around him 
on films like Mu- 
tiny on the Bounty, 
where he reque: 
ed a block of ice to 
sit on. These are 
probably all se- 
crets. I shouldn't 
be exposing them. 


throb describes 
amore, 
discusses 
getting slapped 
and defends 
his contempt 
for parking 
tickets % 


PLwBov: Our Ге 


male colleagues 
PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARRHANALER 


think you're made 


the ‘Twenties and he used to wear one of 
those shirts. I remember him wearing 
them at breakfast. 115 sort of a workers 
shirt. Its labor. 


the last time the 
pie? 
nd lm 


When wa 
moon hit your eye like a big pizz: 


PLAYBOY: 


cwor: It hasnt happened ус 
twenty-fe 


PLAYBOY: Describe amorr. 
CAGE: Amore isa real Dean Martin kind ol 
thing. Amore, to me, has shades of Holly- 
wood Squares. 115 а real saccharine con- 
cept of love. I dont really know anything. 
about amore. I think I do have a romantic 
tendency in my life. 1 do like women. I'm 
totally mystified by women. I dont quite 
understand women. И 1 were to become 
a woman for a day, the first thing I would 
do is masturbate. 

Cupid came around once or twice last 
year, but I didn't exactly get stung—you 
know what I m 


PLAYBOY: You're with a woman and your 
body is not 
ccr: I dont have that problem. Maybe 
Га look her in the eye and say, “I dig af- 


fection, baby, but not while I'm driving. 
7. 


А woman has just slapped you. 
re your options, as а man of cul- 


PLAYBOY: 
What a 
ture? 

Сасе: One: Ask her, 
Two: 
Three: 


“Did you enjoy it 
Would you like to do that again?” 
Harder.” 


8. 


PLAYBOY: Give us three danger signs that 
indicate a woman is interested. 

cace: When they pop their gum; when 
they arch their back; when they shout my 
name and applaud 

9. 

PLAYBOY: What are your best and worst 
opening lines? 
cct: The worst opening line is “Do you 


know what time it is?" I havent cultivated 
a best one at this time. 


10. 


PLAYBOy: What do you miss about not ha 
ing gone to college? 


слаі: Nothing. However, Га like to know 
more about cars. The only course 1 
should have taken in school is auto 
mechanics, because its the only thing 1 
could use right now—the knowledge of 
cars, how they work—and apply it to my 
own life 


n. 


your Elvis rescue plan. 
саса: I have а real problem with Priscilla 
Presley [thought Elvis and Me was pret- 
ty much a big insult and it made him look 
like a villain. Whether or not he was, E 
dont know. But 1 dont think the movie 
was necessary. 1 could never do that to 
someone I was in love with—trash them 
nationally. 

I like what Elvis turned into, physically. 
I know he probably wasn't feeling well, 
but he became big, really big. 1 like the 
suits that he wore and his operatic voice. 
He got pretty close to America's concept 
of a godlike image. The sideburns, the 
mutton chops. I think it’s pretty impres- 
sive and slightly ridiculous and | like 
things that ai ightly ridiculous. That 
gives them a universal quality, the ab- 
surd. I like Elvis’ later years. 


PLAYBOY: Give u 


PLAYBOY: You snill es droop, you 
have unfashionable sideburns and un- 
ruly hair. What's the look, Nick? 
слов: I like the fact that I have a nose 
problem. I know it bothers some of my 
friends. I've recently, investigated. the 
possibility of getting it fixed. Some girl 
told me on the street the other day, “Pm a 
big fan, but, if you'd like a piece of ad- 
vice, keep your mouth shut. Your mouth 
is always open." I said, “It’s because I 
сап breathe. I have to breathe through 
my mouth.” I've grown fond of my nose 
problem, my snillle. id it a youthful 
thing. 1 don't like it when people on the 
street say "Smile" or “Cheer up.” It's 
cheap line. Го feeling good. I'm 
ing real grateful for everything. It’s a 
solid time in my life. When people $: 
look sad, they ong. 


13. 


PLAYBOY: Whats Cher like in bed? 
Uh. ch, wow. Um. Cherilyn. Well, 
there's, I mean, are you talking about the 
visual image? I'm sure she's great. 


M. 


ptaynoy: Cher slapped you. What other 
responses have you had when you've told 


PLAYBOY 


152 


women you love them? 

tes between the sound of a 
hissing lynx and the expression of a Mary 
Poppins idealism 


15. 


м.лувоу: What popular 
describes love best? 
case: I like a lot of what the Beatles did. I 
think they w coming from the real 
place when they were singing about love. 1 
like John Lennons lyrics, I think Willie 
Nelson has a good song that Elvis record- 
ed. [Sings] “Maybe I didnt hold you quite 
as often as I should have.” Whats tha 
song? Thats a теді sad song. (You Were) 
Always on My Mind. 

16. 
rLavBoy: What do you do when you get 
a boner? 
сәсе: Keep it, hold it there and walk down 
the street. You know, ask the girls how 
they're doing. 


ong or sentim 


17. 


pi aynoy: Describe the last time you were 
knocking and she didnt let you in. 

ue: 1 disguised my voice and said I w: 
room service and the door opened. It wasa 
real big surprise, ГИ tell you. She'd 
thought I was in Paris. 


18. 


rravmov: A meter maid has ju 
your car. Talk your way out of it. 


t ticketed 


case: I don't worry about tickets. I don't 

pay them. I wait until a bigger problem 

to deal with. When I get a phone call from 

the Supreme Court, then ТЇЇ de 
19. 


PLAYBOY: What were you wearing when you 


l with ii 


had the absolute most fun? 
ing 
Museum of Modern Art and I w 
kl w 


GAGE: I was stc; 


aquarium from the 


with å 


friend of mine and I thi 


ich coat. 


20. 
was the last E 


large black t 


LAYBOY: What 


ceived that surprised you? 
bd 
worry or think about money I just keep 


САС її look at my bills. I try not to 


spending u 


til I get a phone call from my 
business manager telling me to stop. Even 


then, I have difficulty doing that. I like to 


purchase things and not worry about it. I 


find that money problems are too big a 


К about, 50 1 wait 
until that phone call come 
good cigar. Thars kind of decadent. I did 


headache for me to t 


1 do enjoy а 


order a box of cigars that kind of set me 


g to get а cap- 
ht 


now. 


PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR 


(continued from page 136) 

Ло watch Hef and Kimberley is to sce а 
couple in love with being in love. “Hef 
wants me close,” she “He worri 
when I'm away. Not that I mind.” Whenev- 
er she leaves the Mansion grounds, she car- 
ries a cellular phone. They talk while she 
shops. They exchange pet names. He 
leaves love notes under her pillow. decorat- 
ed with a hand-drawn heart over his sign. 
ture. As a surprise for him (stop readin; 
now, Hef), she will have her wedding gown 
embellished with å heart outlined 
pearls. Inside it will be two sets of i 15, 
H.M.H. for п, K.C.H.—Kimberley 
Conrad Ней lor he 

Is it unseemly that Hef's fiancee is also 
Playmate of the Year? “Irs ап honor she 
clearly deserves,” replies Hef. "I cant take 
it away from her just because we've fallen 
in love.” And he would certainly get no ar- 
gument from one of the biggest supporters 
of the relationship—Kimberley’s mother 

“My mom loves Hef. She knows how 
much self-confidence he has given me. In 
fact.” says Kimberley with a laugh. “she 
told me she'd kill me if anything happened 
to the relationship. 

Lovers have a way of sounding the same 
inall ages and all places. Shy, nervous Kim- 
berley Gonrad is not so different from any 
other fiancée. Sometimes, she says, she 
“chokes up. cr on other 
than joy. Someti ight gid- 
dy When Hel showed up at the studio du 
ing her photo shoot, she giggled like a girl 
who had never before been naked in a 
manis presence. As she plans her July first 
wedding, she lavishes each contingency 
with a love-struck bride's attention to de- 
tail. How long should her gown be? How 
many guests should they invite? Given her 
druthers, she would have a small wed- 
ding—family, a few friends, a minister, а 
kiss and a quick getaway 

Hef and Kimberley do not rule out h 
ing a child but say they are marrying solely 
for love. It will be one of the most startling 
developments of the century if Hef, whose 
career has symbolized bachelorhood. 
comes to represent marriage, American 
style, in the Nineties. 

“People often accuse me of living out 
what they perceive as adolescent 
Ina way they're right.” admits Hel. 
have our fantasies. I have just lived out 
mine ina very public way. But what [ didnt 
dream was that this angel would come 
along t of it the very best 
ol 


Kimberley, for her pa 
one d 
of herself 


the new 3 
ball machine 


taking lite 
a time. She looks at the pict 
nd Hef that’s displayed on 

y Playboy Pin- 


white, 
ме of the Y 


on the day that 
ar becomes the 


9 mg “tar”.0.7 mg. nome ау. per cigarette by FIC method 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette 
Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide. 


Whats So Odd About Us 
Changing Our Package2 Other 
Companies Do It Every Year. 


1953 1956 


We've never been one to 
seek change just for the sake 
of change, but in our two cen- 
turies of brewing, we've had 
our share of classic packages. 

Wooden casks fashioned 
from French oak. Long amber 
bottles with cork stoppers. 
Even a more luxurious model 
with a porcelain stopper. 

And now мете pleased 
to introduce you to our latest. 
One that we believe reflects 
even more of the 214 years of 
our Stroh family heritage and 
brewing tradition. 

We hope you like it, since 
we don't plan 
on making 
another change 
for at least the 
next century. 


REASSESSING THE ROOTS (continued from раде 74) 


“On ‘The Cosby Show, mentions of black colleges are 
woven into the chitchat in the Huxtable household.” 


Luther King, Jr., and of moviemaker Spike 
Lee, the app 
more than 40 perc 
while, black enrollment at majority white 
four-year schools is decreasing, even in the 
lace of active minority-recruitment pro- 
grams. 

Why 


и pool has swelled by 
t 


nce 1984. Mean- 


blacks heading back to black 
he answer lies in a mix of eco- 
nomic, academic and racial factors. 

First, in plain dollars, black schools are 
cheaper when compared with other well- 
ranked private institutions. А vear at 
runs about $6800. while a усаг at 
hwestern costs $17,500. Howard, some 
think, may not deserve academic compar 
son with Northwestern, yet the success of 
its graduates refutes that bias. 

Until now, black colleges have been bat- 
ting what Sam Myers, president of the № 
tional Association for Equal Opportunity 
in Higher Education, calls the myth that 
the only way to get a good education is at a 
predominantly white school. In fact, a new 
study shows that among all blacks who 
earned Ph.D: in the past five years (mostly 
at white-majority schools), 55 percent had 
earned their undergraduate degrees at 
black colleges. Considering that fewer than 
20 percent of the black students of that 
generation attended black colleges, the 
ure becomes even more significant. In 
pure statistical terms, enrolling at а black 
college increases the chances that a student 
will earn a doctorate. 

D 

Black schools have also drawn stu- 
dents secking a refuge from racism. At- 
lantas John Кеуіп Franks, for example, 
was courted by several Ivy League schools 
as a high school junior with а 3.9 G.PA. 
and a 1380 S.A.T. score. Yet he chose to en- 
roll at Morehouse. Franks explains his 
choice: "In the media, it seems all the 
brothers and sisters appear to be in jail or 
pregnant. I wanted to be in an environ- 
ment where black intelligence is normal 
and expected. 1 didnt want to have 10 
prove I was si just because I'm black. 1 
also wanted to be in the majority" Frank: 
says that he was not running from racism 
but that it was a consideration in looking at 
colleges. He didn't want to complicate that 
confusing-enough stage of his life with the 
anxieties of discrimination. "Before my 
* he remembers, “I thought 
rd. Stanford or Yale, but to 
I went to one of those schools, 
I could get taunted for just being myself{— 
it was something to think about.” 

. 

Evidently, Franks' reasoning is not un- 
common. “I think its clear to some degr 
that we black colleges have been the 


beneficiaries of the recent wave of racism 
that’s been so blatantly demonstrated оп 
predominantly white campuses,” says 
Morehouse president Dr. Leroy Keith. 

For every shock wave of bad press gener- 
ated by racial incidents on mainly white 
campuses, black colleges are certain to reg- 
ister a few more students, say the experts. 
But after the news comes the hour of good 
publicity televised every week when mil- 
lions of Americans tune in the phenome- 
nally popular Cosby Show and its spin-off, 
A Different World, which is a virtual show- 
case of black college life. On The Cosby 
Show, numerous mentions of Talladega, 
Fisk and other black colleges arc casually 
woven into the chitchat in the Huxtable 
household. The name-dropping sends а 
clear message to black teenagers, accord- 
ing to Harvard psychiatrist Dr. Alvin Pous- 
saint. “Cliff and Claire went to a fictitious 
black school and they are portrayed as 
very successful on the show,” says Dr. Pous- 
saint, who also serves as a production con- 
sultant for the program. “So you have the 
association of success with attending a 
black school.” 

А Different World spotlights the myth- 
ological Hillman College—Chitf and 
Л alma mater. Its a different world to 
black viewers who attend integrated col- 
leges and high schools. At Hillman, we see 
a group of bright, funny black students 
who suffer through calculus and unwind 
at the snack bar but for whom race is rarely 
an issue. “Put that together with the nega- 
tive press about racial incidents on white 
campuses and you can see why many black 
students don't want to attend predomi- 
nantly white schools, 


The highly publicized donation of 
$20,000,000 to Spelman College by Bill 
Cosby and his wife, Camille, may also 
provide incentive. 


. 
Racism was part of и, 
ards, a freshman at FAMU 
National Achievement Scholarship, “but 
my choice was more of a family-heritage 
type of deal. Everyone in my family went to 
black schools and they encouraged me to 
do the same. 

The current college generation is the 
first to grow up in integrated schools and 
other institutions. Many of its parents, 
some of whom attended black colleges, 
maintain that desegregated schools have 
jeopardized their children's self-esteem 
and cultural pride. “Most of the children 
do not have the same cultural ties to the 
black community that their parents had.” 
says Dr. Walter Allen, director of the Ui 
versity of Michigans National Study of 
Black College Students. Many are ignorant 
of black contributions to ci ation and 
their parents are shocked. “Its as though 
they wake up one day and say, ‘Oh, no, I've 
raised a white brown child!" jokes Dr. Al- 
len. “And they look to black schools to 
ground their children in black culture.” 

Jeffrey Blackshear, from Nashville, says 
his father encouraged him to follow the 
family tradition and attend Morehouse, 
and he passed up scholarship offers from 
Carnegie-Mellon and Dartmouth with lit 
tle regret. After four years at a mostly 
white high school for gifted students, he 
was eager to be a part of the majority. 

“I didn't experience overt racism, but 
there were cultural differences,” says 
Blackshear. "At school parties, they'd play 
Top Forty and rock music. I wanted to hear 
rap and soul music. So I would take my 
Own cassette tape to those parties and give 
it to the deejay. I started carrying it to all 
the parties and kept it in my pocket for 
cmergencics. I never have to use it here.” 

Chances are that Blackshear would have 


s Sherri Ed- 
who won a 


“Oh, go ahead, roll down the window and 
stick your head out.” 


155 


PLAYBOY 


156 


found soul and rap fans at a black student 
center on a white campus, but, he says, mu- 
sical tastes aside, the word from his friends 
at predominantly white campuses was di 
couraging. As Harvard-trained psycholo- 
gist Dr. Jacqueline Fleming, author of 
Blacks in College, secs it, students who are 
in the majority have more social opport 

nitie: 
not I 


ted to one segment of the popul; 
s it is on most integrated campuses. 
far better at black 
пр. “Students make 
more friends, and having a lot of friends is 
the raw material for leadership.” 

Blackshear feared that going to a pre- 
dominantly white college would burden 
him with the same social handicap he'd en- 
dured at his integrated high school. “I was 
treated nicely.” he admits, “but it was like 1 
was a spectator watching them play their 
game. Here, I'm part of the game.” 

When the black student tries to fit into 
the larger culture, the game becomes even 
more complicated. “1 was always accused 
of being white in my integrated high 
school, even though I'm a fully dark per 
Sherri Edwards. “I was always 
» prove to brothers and sisters that 
I was black. That issue has never come up 
with me at FAMU." 

“They get tired of it,” says Morehouse 
sociologist Dr. Anna Grant, who has heard 
similar stories. “Black students get tired of 
trying to prove how black they are to black 


students and how white they are to white 
students. So they say, “To hell with it. Um 
getting out of here." These the students 
whoare knocking on the doors of predom- 
antly black schools—where they сап be 
themselves.” 

The comfort level for black students on а 
black campus yields а significant гези 
The graduation rate is higher than for 
blacks on predominantly white campu: 
‘Twenty percent of all black students at- 
tended black colleges last year, but black 
colleges accounted for 34 percent of all 
black college graduates. 

Fleming believes that good student per- 
formance is predicated on being part of an 
environment where the student feels in 
At predominantly white school 
s tend to get the most out of the 
nd at predominantly black 
schools, black males tend to get the most 
out of the experience." 

. 

For better or for worse, there is life after 
college, and ultimately, blacks must face a 
black-and-white world. Some experts ar- 
gue that the expanding enrollments at 
black schools, with their higher graduation 
rates, will help integrate the professional 
world by sending more college graduates 
into the workplace. 

However, at least one sociologist fea 
1| blacks who attend all-black high 
schools and then all-black colleges may 
have an impaired ability to cope 


tegrated world. 

"Our children need 10 experience both 
ail Thomas, а sociolo- 
gist at Texas ARM who has conducted sev- 
eral studies on black college students. “1 
know our kids are hungry for their cul- 
ture, but the reality is that we live in а 
Land our black youngsters need 
n to negotiate in that world. 
gument has had a mixed impact 
on the students themselves. “I dont plan to 
segregate,” says Blackshear. "But by sepa- 
rating myself now into an all-black envi 
ronment, I get a stronger sense of identity 
That will give me the strength to integrate 
later as an equal, toe to toe and eye to eye." 

Experts predict that enrollment at el 
black institutions such as Ho 
ton, Morchouse and Spelman will continue 
to climb, but that enrollments at most black 
colleges will remain steady, following the 
pattern at predoi ly white schools. А 
key determinant may be how 
transfer to black schools when and if they 
encounter hostility and isolation on white 
campuses. 

7] went to the University of Massachu- 
seus for a уе says Joyce Herd, now а 
senior at Fisk. “I felt so isolated; 1 felt that 
it was important for me to go to a place 
where I belong. I think if I weren't getting 
this kind of experience now, I never 


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(continued from page 84) 
fracas, overseas-studies votes were added 
to the tally and the B.S.U. squeaked Бу). 

+ 

Black students аге five times more likely 
than whites to drop out of a mainly white 
university. And those are middle-clas 
well-prepared black students. Walter Al- 
len, director of the National Study of Black 
College Students and professor of sociolo- 
gy and Afro-American and African Stud- 
ies at Michigan, told me. "Universities 
dont go to the street corner; they take the 
cream of the crop now more so th 
not a supportive environment. Fully 
y-five percent of black students re- 
port they dont feel a part of campus life.” 

Be that as it may, affirmative action has 
become a dirty phrase. Syndicated colum- 
nists Rowland Evans and Robert Novak 
concluded last spring that affirmative ac 
tion itself “is the only plausible explana- 
tion” for the rise in campus racism. It's like 
blaming the miniskirt for the rape. 

Vanessa Gibson, a Mount Holyoke stu- 
dent from Detroit, is in a sociology class. 
The discussion lights on poverty and all 
eyes respectfully turn to her. Like Cliff 
Huxtable, Vanessa's dad is an obstetrician- 
gynecologist. Her mother is a schoolteach- 
er. The talk eventually centers on low test 
scores among blacks and, again, all eyes 
face her. She argues that plenty of blacks 
score well on the college boards. The other 
women are silent, but after class, one white 
classmate pulls her aside to compare S.A. T. 
scores. Gibson wins and the white girl 
walks away. Gibson isn't trying to separate 
herself: it just happens. 

. 

The most famous case of campus racism 

created international notoriety for thi 
University of Mississippi. In 1962, a month 
before | was born, а riot over the admis- 
sion of its first black student, nes 
Meredith, ended with two people dead 
nd 375 wounded. 
At the Memphis airport on my way to 
Ole Miss in Oxford. I tell the white, born- 
again shuttle-bus driver that Im on my 
wav t0 Ole Miss. 

You know there's a time change in Mis- 
sissippi,” the Tennessean tells me. “You 
turn the clock back twenty-five vea 

Actually, Oxford is a charming college 
town with a Benetton store across the 
street from Square Books, where you can 
buy both Capote and cappuccino. Bot 
е the county cou nd a white 
obclisk commemorating the Confederate 
dead. 

I drive past another Civil War monu- 
ment approaching the Lyccum, Ole Misss 
adm tion building. Giant letters on 
the neoclassical pediment proclaim клх 
DOLPH UNIVERSITY and Гап sure Em lost. In 
fact, the campus has turned its clock back 


ап ever. 


istr 


25 years—for the filming of Heart of Dixie. 
а movie about a Sixties Southern deb 
turned civil rights activist starring Ally 
Sheedy, Virginia Madsen and Phoebe 
Cates. 

The campus needed little alteration for 
the film: A gray-bearded “rebel” colonel 
remains the official school mascot, and 
Confederate flags, while no longer officia 
ly endorsed by the university, pop up fre- 
quently at football games. Blacks are even 
more underrepresented at Ole Miss than 
at U Mass—seven and one half percent 
in a 40-percent-black state—only at Ole 


D 


filled with white boys passed Charlsy Wise 
and her friends, screeching “Nigge 

they drove by. A white student approached 
Charlsy and her friends and apologized. 
“That was real nice,” she says, "I hey ve 
had so many problems here that people 
bend over backward to be race consider- 
ate.” 

Not everybody. Arson is suspected in last 
August's burning of Phi Beta Sigma hous 
which was about to be the first black frat 
house on fraternity row. Yet, in response, 
white Mississippians were “race consider- 
ate” The interfraternity council swiftly 
pledged to raise $20.000 to rebuild Phi 
Beta Sigma house. The university and 


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the alumni association have also donated 
money. 

Segregation on приз remains nearly 
absolute. Barbara Britten, a black student 
from Oxford, finds Ole Miss “more divid- 
ed than high school. There, most of my 
ends were whi members, “but 
at Ole Miss, you're frowned on if you run 
with a group of white people or vice versa 

Derek Nels a white student with an 
earring, who comes from the heart of Ki 
country, complains that some white stu- 
dents choose Ole Miss “because there aren't 
going to be too many blacks here." 

To kill time the night before graduation, 
I go to the Hoka, a dilapidated, ex-hippie 
staurant/movie barn to watch what's 

ing. lt turns out to be John Waters" 
civil rights dance farce, Hairspray. On the 
screen, a black tecnaged boy says, “Our 
love is taboo.” His white girlfriend snug- 
gles up and coaches him, “Go to second, go 
10 second.” At Ole Miss, a few of the black 
track stars now have white girlfriends, so 1 
ask Charlsy if any of the black women go 
out with white men on campus. She says, 
“Гус never seen that, except on ТУ: 

Unsurprisingly, separateness of the 
races here is as ingrained as in the North 
But here I sense an aggressive dedication 
to reversing the pattern that is absent at 
the Northern schools. James Brown, assist- 
ant dean of students, а black сх-рго 
linebacker, has helped institute programs 
to make sure students stay in school once 
they're admitted. Now, about 70 percent of 


she г 


the black students graduate. “When 1 start 
talking about this, I get happy, because I 
can make a difference,” Brown says. "I see 
this state as a new frontier” And doni 
Avant, Ole Miss class of 1986 and an ad- 
m counselor, recruits the state's best 
black students. If they don't have trans- 
portation to the school, says Avant, 
she drives out and gets th 

At the class of 1988's gradua 
nor Ray Mabus, Ole Miss class of 1969, is 
the commencement speaker, As the organ 
pipes Pomp and Circumstance, the basket- 
ball floor fills with black caps and gowns. 
Parents happily collapse in the stands, 
finally shaded from the sticky broil of the 
Mississippi One especially proud 
єз up nearly a whole row 
and shines smiles from grandpa to tod- 
dlers as their graduate files past, breaking 
rank for a moment to beam back. 

Despite “entrenched interests to be dis- 
comforted,” testifies the liberal governor 
in dramatic contrast to former governor 
Ross Barnett, who defended the whiteness, 
of Ole Miss by physically blocking 
Meredith from registering. No matter the 
ntentions of those who have reshackled 
minority progress in а decade that “in 
many wavs has sanctified selfishness,” the 
state and the country will not truly live up 
to their potential for equality and for 
good, һе proclaims, "unless we succeed in 
educating all our children.” 

Amen. And just singing Ebony and Ivory 
it so. 


“Three things he’ got going in his favor: his image, his 


stand on the 


nes and hes running unopposed.” 


UN THE ROAD 


(continued from page 144) 
allowing six hits. Last night, 1 won 6-5, al- 
lowing 12 hits. If Га had a bull pen, Га 

ave been relieved. 
. 
Thursday, October 20—Chicago 

ГЇЇ be 40 next year and the thing that 
bothers me the most is the possibility, the 
way things are going, that I may never 
have a family of my own. I keep reading 
how single men dic sooner than married 
men and married men die sooner than 
women. Either way, men are getting the 
short end of the stick. I think single men 
Ше sooner because sometimes they have to 
order pizza three nights in а row loo 
many years of eating pizza for dinner will 
shrink a life span considerably. I'm not in- 
volved with anyone right now and my 
lifestyle does not lend itself to developing 
relationships. 

One of the great myths about show busi- 
ness is that comedians have groupies. 115 
noi true. But when I did my first film, Car 
Wash, women actually gravitated to me. I 
loved it; but, to tell you the truth, I think. 
anyone who's halfway decent-looking can 
become a sex symbol if he's in a movie or in 
music, but not if hes a comedian. Years ago, 
when I used to play in folk-rock clubs, sin- 
gle women would come in groups to see the 
musicians. If you were lucky, some of the 
overflow would show interest in the come- 
dian. When comedy started booming, the 
make-up of the audiences at clubs changed 
drastically. All the women have dates! On 
those rare occasions when a woman ар- 
proaches you at a club, she's almost always 
very intelligent. Whenever 1 learn that a 
comedian I respect is getting married, I 
immediately assume that his wife is very 
smart and quick. I'm always proved right. 

. 
Friday, October 21—Chicago 

Гуе been eating at а restaurant called 
the Oak Tree, and today, the cashier came 
up to me and said, “You know, people have 
been asking if you are a comedian who's 
been on HBO.” “Well, if a pretty woman 
asks, please send her over,” I said. I ap- 
peared on Robert Townsend's HBO spe- 
cial and it seems to be paying off, though I 
still cant get HBO го do а special with ше. 
They say I don't have enough heat. 

There are two ways to do the road. Ei- 
ther уой can be wild and party or you can 
be fairly disciplined and restrained. Ulti- 
mately, you have to be a loner to handlı 
Being disciplined seems to work best for 
y chess comput- 
my clarinet, my golf clubs (weather per- 
. sometimes my lite portable 
er and a book or two. My interest 
in more cerebral things is increasing as I 
get older 

Um working with another Los Angeles 
comedian named Ron Richards. He helps 
Jay Leno by critiquing his Tonight Show 
monologs. Jay is left handed. Its amazing 
how many comedians are left-handed. 


They say that only ten percent of the gen- 
eral population is left-handed but that 60 
percent of the comedians are. I was at The 
Improv in Los Angeles one night and Jer 
Seinfeld. Kevin Rooney, Jay Leno, Li 
ble talking, 
оп, with ашо- 
graphs and checks being signed, it became 
apparent that all of us were left-handed. 
Mind-blowing. 


rry 


talking. As the evening wore 


. 
Saturday, October 22—Chicago 

Tonight was grind-it-out night at thi 
club, because I had three shows—seven, 
9:30 and 11:45, Not many clubs have three 
shows more. Fifteen, 16 years ago. 
many clubs did three shows on Saturday 
nights. And I used to get confused by the 
third show. I'd start to say something and 
then think. Did I already say this? I used to 
have an agreement with the waitresses. 
Whenever Ud start a routine that caused 
me some doubt, Га look at them and 
they'd give me a signal if Ға already done 
it. Tomorrow I head out for El Paso. whe 
ГИ do a one-nighter with Jeff Altman, the 
comic in the Bud Light commercials. 

. 
Sunday, October 23--КІ Paso 
verything went great in El Paso. We 
sold out two shows. Jeff and 1 play tennis 
together. He has one hell of a temper espe 
cially after one of his many beatings at my 
hands. At one time, he used to break more 
than $1000 worth of rackets a year in fits 
of anger. 1 remember one night at Th 
medy 12 years ago, Jeff did 
physical impression titled “A Day in the 
Lile of a Penis." He lay down опа stool and 
then imitated a penis alternately erecting 
nd then subsiding as women walked Бу I 
was the only one in the audience who 
laughed, and he’s never done that routine 
since. Jeff and I both made a good taste of 
money tonight, and Га like то do more of 
these one- or two-night gigs. I have a 4 
лм. wake-up call and а ѕіх-лм flight to 
Houston so 1 сап do some carly radio 
shows to promote my one-nighter there. 
. 

Monday, October 24—Houston 

I did a one-hour-and-50-minute show— 
the longest set I've done in ages. Plus, I had 
two hecklers. My first tactic with a heckler 
is to ignore him. Thank goodness most 
hecklers say stupid things and you can 
usually hang them in a short time if you 
need to, It took ten m my first 
heckler could be embar ilence. 
I was boiling inside—if a heckler takes up 
time, it’s difficult to get 
aur prepared material. I won the 
audience back, and I was cruising when 
the second heckler hit—an hour and 40 
minutes into the show. I said, "Look, man, 
I dealt with one cat, I dont need this. Y'all 
and I started to walk off the 
no bluff. The rest of the 
audience said, “No, no, come on back." a 

ntimidated the heckler, In fact, the I 
heckler oflered to shut him up lor me. So I 
stayed and finished the show. 


ore, 


Afterward, a couple of people said, 
“Man, you handled those hecklers so well. 
You were so relaxed." When I told them 
how infuriated I was, they seemed sur- 
prised. “You're very lucky Your anger 
doesn't show,” one of them said. 

. 
Thursday, October 27 —Houston 

Called my answering machine, got my 
ages. One call was from Arsenio Hall's 
office. I wonder what that’s about. ГИ find 
out when I get back to L.A. 

. 
Friday, October 25—Los Angeles 

‘Talked to Arsenio today. He said he has 
always liked my writing and wanted to 
know if Td be interested in writing for hi: 
new talk show. He figured if I were any- 
thing like him, Fd want to get off the road. 
I said, “You got that right!” 


. 
November 3—Los Angeles 

I had å meeting over at Paramount Stu- 
dios with Arsenio Hall and Marla Kell 
Brown, his producer. Гуе known Arseı 
for a number of years, and I know he's one 
of those performers who truly enjoy being 
оп stage and showing off. There are others 
who are more reticent—they arent show- 
offs but are still in show business. Johnny 
Carson is one. You can tell he doesn't ha 
an exhibitionist’s personality: I dont either. 

It was a very good meeting. They want- 
ed to know if ГА resent writing for some 
one else. Could I work five s а week 
with that type of regimentation? And my 
answer was: In all honesty, Im inte 
in the challenge. Whether it will work out 
in the long run, who knows? 

Arsenio and | are going to work out 
— ГИ need some flexibility so 
inne performing live if I want to. 
use I make such good money on the 
road. I told them I have some club dates 
through New Year's Eve, and after that, I'm 
free. They said I should be receiving an of- 
fer in а few days. 


Thwsda 


ested 


P 
Sunday, November 6—Studio City 
Thad dinner tonight with Jonat 


n Win- 


ters in preparation for his Showtime 
special, Jonathan Winters & Friends, that’s 
being taped tomorrow. Some of the other 


“friends 


eswere there, 100: 
nd his wife, Leslie, Louise 
excellent impres: 51), her 
husband, Barry, and some executives from 
Showtime. Jonathan has a quicksilver 
mind that's constantly spewing shards of 
thought. Hell start one thing and then, i 
the middle, switch to another, and I found 
it a little hard to follow him because he's so 
ever-changing. But he's a genial man, who 
was very much the host and kept the con- 
versation going. 

Jonathan told us he doesn't like to do 
talk shows, because they рау so little. OF 
course, the trade-off is exposure. That 
doesn't set well with Jonathan. He told a 
story about gomg to a store and when the 
saleswom; ked for some money, he just 
held out the palm of his hand. “Here,” he 


“What's that?’ 
“That's exposure,” he answered. Yeah! 
. 
Monday, November 7 —Los Angeles 


she said. 


We taped Jonathan's special a 
West Los Angeles today. Du 
Jeff Altman and [ were sitting in the dress- 
ing room, looking through a copy of the. 
comedy newspaper Just for Laughs. Jell 
kept looking at the club listings and shak- 
ing his head, saving, "There аге too many 
comedians, n 


Igby’ т 


was he on his game! I was backstage listen- 
ing, and ately, I realized —heS on. 
He's really on. The last couple of years he's 
been a little hit-and-miss, but tonight he 
cooking. 

Jonathan's performance really rocked 
me. I kept saying to myself, “You've been 
doing this for sixteen years, you've paid 
your dues, you've prepared diligently for 
the show and there must be some intrinsic 
value to what you do.” Then I went out and 
everything turned out fine: 4—2, six hits. 

. 
Tuesday, November 8—Los Angeles 

Tonight, I started work reshooting some 
scenes on the new Tom Hanks movie, The 
“Burbs. We shot the film in July, and now 
they're reshooting because they want Tom 
to be on the screen more at the end. Re- 
grettably, I dont have that much to do on 
the film. Em basically a highly paid extra 
My call was for eight рм. and we didnt 
Ю лм. 


shoot the scene till 


. 
Thursday, November 10— Los Angeles 


I talked with Tom Hanks for a while on 
the set. Tonight was the first time we'd seen 
rach other since July 1 asked him how he 
liked Narcissus and Goldmund, a book I 
recommended he take on his recent tip to 
ope. If I were an English teacher, Ud 
ive him an F on his book report 

My one line tonight Is this your ve- 
hice, Dr. Klopek?” You know. all in all. I 
ike doing film work better than 
for the camaraderie. There's 


a club situation. 
D 

Saturday, November 12 — Los Angeles 

Vm convinced that no one loves his work 
more than a film director. The ‘Burbs di- 
rector, Joe Dante, said that he got only one 
hour of sleep ye: lay, and yet here at the 
end of shooting, at six as, he's still as en- 
ergetic and charged up as ever. 
my last night of work on this film. 
Tom and I were in his trailer during a 
break when a young female extra knocked 
on his door to see if she could get an ашо- 
graph. We talked to her for a while, gave 
autographs, and you could just see her 


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159 


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the slightest sense of awe was when I 
worked on The Jazz Singer in 1980 with 
Neil Diamond and Sir Laurence Olivier. 
When I was introduced to Olivier, I asked 
him what 1 should call him. “Oh, just call 
me Larry,” he said. Yeah, sure. I told him 
in that case, he could call me Sir Franklyn. 


. 
Wednesday, November 16—Los Angeles/De- 
troit 

I don't even know the club I'm booked 
at. All I know is that Bernie Young, my 
agent, called me and said Га be leaving ro- 
morrow for a three-day gig in Detre 

While 1 was buying my ticket at the air- 
port, the saleswoman recognized me. She 
said, “Comedians are God's gift to people.” 
That was really nice. Sometimes 1 feel 
somewhat low about the seemingly 
ephemeral nature of what I do. 

I'm working at а club named Puzzles 
Comedy Club in the city of Warren, Michi- 
gan, which is right outside Detroit. When 1 
drove into the parking lot, I saw that my 
first name was misspelled. Over my career, 
that's been a constant. People just insist on 
spelling Franklyn with an L-I-N instead of 
L-Y-N, even though everything my agents 
send them has I Von it 

Tonight, 1 met Keith Ruff. Keith is 31 
and he’s an appliance salesman during the 
day who does comedy at night. He told me 
that he has been following comedy for 
years and that he studies comedy albums 
diligently. He's one of the few young come- 
dians I've met who take such an analytical 
approach, Most young comics say, "I wan- 
na be funny" without giving it much 
thought. When I started out, | bought ev- 
ery comedy album I could —Richard Pry- 
or, Bill Cosby, Robert Klein, Winters, Bob 
Newhart, Lenny Bruce, Woody Allen. Га 
dissect their routines in my own wav just to 
get a feel for how comedy works. 

My major influence was Richard Pryor. 
Next to him, my favorite was Robert Klein. 
ler my approach то be a syn- 
rs black urban sensibility and 
Кеш college-educated wit—with a touch 
of George Carlins genial informality 
thrown in. Among comedians, Pryor is 
universally acclaimed as the greatest 
stand-up ever. To my mind, only Jonathan 
Winters comes close, But Richard has ev- 
erything Jonathan has, plus something 
more—real emotional conviction fired Бу а 
dramatically rebellious point of view. 1 
once watched him every night fora week at 
The Comedy Store, and I left the club ev- 
because my material 
I in comparison. I'd 
look at his head and say, “115 just a normal- 
sized head. How could all those ideas come 
ош of a normal-sized head?" 

б 


Friday, November 18—Warren 

1 had а fun morning at WRIF radio. 
The show's guest host was Bill Engvall, а 
comedian 1 first met years ago in Dallas. As 
we were exchanging phone numbers, | no- 
ticed that Bill was left-handed. Maybe 
that's what keeps comedians together; 


we've got a left-handed way of looking at 
life in a right-handed world. After the ra- 
dio interview, Leonard Palermino, the club 
owner, dropped me back at my hotel with a 
few helpful tips: “There's a mall up the 
road and there's a cinema up a little far- 


ther with about thirteen movies.” Then he 
drove off. 
Well, it doesn't look like I'm going to be a 


big draw here in Warren. I had а small au- 
dience for the first show, so I geared down 
and had a more conversational style with 
them. The room seemed more like a 
friend tonight as well. When youre in a 
club three or four days, you get a certain 
sense of the room, the acoustics, the feel 
when you walk in. 

Attendance for the second show was 
bad. Some of the things that knocked peo- 
ple out in the frst show didn't work at all in 
the second show. Man! They've got me 
puzzled, I feel like a pitcher who has run 
into a team that can flat-out hit his stuff. 

. 
Friday, November 25—Lake Tahoe 

1 flew up with the Pointer Sisters. When 
we drove up to Caesars Tahoe, where were 
appearing, I saw that my first name was 
misspelled on the marquee. That's hardly 
the least of it. Tonight there was а whole 
table of drunks right up front. Why do 
drunks always sit up front? Its like they 
say, “Wanna get drunk?" 

“Yeah.” 

“Well, in that case, we'd better sit up 
front, so we can fuck up the show” 

Ав the opening act, I did 20 n 
They're very strict about time here 
casinos—the shows run like clockwork. 
The minute I jumped off the stage, the 
Pointer Sisters were poised backstage 
ready to hit 


. 
Saturday, November 26—Lake Tahoe 

Thad an attack of indigestion right be- 
fore the second show. | took an Alka- 
Seltzer, but when I walked out on stage, T 
was in agony: Any movement really agitat- 
ed my stomach, so I tried to just stand 
there and do witty lines. I kept looking for 
the one-minute warning spotlight, but the 
pain got worse, until I finally said, “Thank 
you and good night,” about five minutes 
early. This was only the second time in my 
career that I've been too sick to finish a 
show. I got sick five or six years ago work- 
ing for Grace Jones in front of an audience 
composed of freaks and troglodytes. Boy, 
was that hell! I was so sick I had to actually 
be helped off the stage. 

. 

Tuesday, December 6—Los Angeles 

Today I talked with Marla Kell Brown, 
Arsenios producer. She informed me that 
they had set their writing staff and that 1 
would not be on it. I was stunned. After 
our meeting, I was sure that everything 
was settled. Marla told me that that was 
her impression as well but that Arsenio 
had reservations later. “He respects and 
admires you so much, he would feel un- 
comfortable telling you that anything you 


submitted to him wasn't funny” she told 
me. What a bizarre compliment. Не re- 
spects me 100 much to pay me? I dont 
know what to make of it. I wish they had 
told me earlier. | had already notified п 
agents that I would be tied up starting in 
January, so Г dont have any club work 
scheduled. I've gor to get Bernie on the 
phone and see if he can line up some clubs 
for next year, before they get booked too 
far in advance. I'm calling Arsenio to find. 
‘out what went wrong. 
. 
Monday, December 19—Los Angeles 
Still no word from Arsenio, Гуе placed 
five calls without a return. I tried to watch 
some of Bob Hope special. Couldn't do it. 
They don't have TY this bad in Italy. 
. 
Wednesday, December 21 —Los Angeles 
My manager Ben notified me that I've 
gota Tonight Show set for the 28th and that 
Fi join Johnny on the panel after my 
stand-up. 1 haven't done much panel, and 
it has hurt me. Panel is where you establish 
your personality, or at least give the illu- 
sion of having a personality. Um even go- 
ing to play my clarinet at the end. 
. 
Tuesday, December 27—Los Angeles 
I worked out at The Improv to tighten 
up my set for The Tonight Show tomorrow. 
What I do is a loose 20 minutes from which 
ГИ pick the six minutes I need for the 
show, After my set, I joined comedians Jer- 


ry Seinfeld, Jeff Cesario and my friend 
Bill Jones to sit around and shoot the 
breeze. The conversation turned to dating 
esses. Jeff says that he doesn't date 
waitresses anymore, because the conver 
sation drives him nuts. Jerry complained 
that he's tired of saying, “So how did you 
do tonight? Did they tip good?” I told Jer- 
ry, a workaholic who travels 300 days a 
year and never i 
hadn't been on a stage 
the anti-me,” he said. 
E 
Wednesday, December 28—Burbank 

I couldn't sleep. I got up at seven лм. I'm 
always edgy the day of a Tonight Show tap- 
ing. All day Im preoccupied—running 
my material through my head constantly, 
The Tonight Show with Johnny is the come- 
dians Wimbledon. 

I did The Tonight Show and everything 
went well, except that the show ran long 
and I didnt get a chance to play my 
clarinet. I watched Johnny interview the 
actress Catherine Hicks, who was obvious- 
ly nervous. He really is a good interviewer. 
Не listens, he takes his time and is still in- 
volved in the moment—alter 25 years, yet. 

. 
Saturday, December 31 —Cleveland 

Hilarities—that's the name of the club. 
The New Years Eve show was, of course, а 
big party. My last gig of the year has now 
ended, and 1989 beckons. Im not one for 
New Year's resolutions. My only resolution 


а month. “You're 


cach year is to do everything that I can 10 
he around for the next year With the 
Arsenio situation falling through, Гус had 
to scramble. I've notified my voice-over 
nd acting agents that Im going to be in 
town, so that I can be sent out on auditions 
Em at a crossroads about what | should 
pur year: The social value of mak 
ing people laugh cannot be denied. But for 
me, the challenge of stand-up is gone, and 
T think Pm rebelling against the const 
pressure to be good. In some shows. thei 
are moments when ГИ have a real sc 
ation. At those times. ГЇЇ say ro my 
"Boy. this is a great way to make a liv 
ing” But sometimes I wonder if stand-up 
can express all | want to say. Гус gor some 
film ideas that are crying to be developed 
and now I'll have time to work on them 
After a sabbatical, I've decided 10 re-en- 
ter the "wonderful and c kof wom 
an,” as my golfing partner Glenn likes 10 
call it. I think about settling down in some 
way but for that to happen, HH need 
confidence in my mates character. There's 
so much smoke and illusion here in Los 
Angeles that it’s hard to find people who 
believe in a basic bedrock honesty. Thars 
one of the reasons that I like comedians, 
Theres a certain level of integrity the 
sense of right and wrong. НУ so easy to 
deal with people like that, But the 
what else would you expect from people 
who have a left-handed view of life? 


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PLAYBOY 


162 


CASH í COMEDY ina fron page 14) 


“The comedy world, Klein says, has become what 


rock and roll used to бе?” 


Management (ICM) has made client Eddie 
Murphy very rich. Bill Gross at 
Artists represents guys such as Richard 
Belzer and Sam Kinison. Finally, there's 
Debbie Miller. senior vice-president for on- 
camera talent at William Morris. Want 
your own TY series? You could do worse 
than to give Miller a call. The legendary 
Michael Ovitz of Creative Artists Agency 
represents many of the Mount Rushmore 
ligures from the original Saturday Night 


Among managers: the Brillstein Coi 
ny and the people at Rollins, Morra and 
ezner are at the top. While the agencies 
concentrate on getting comics jobs. the 
management firms specialize іп guiding 
entire careers. finding the right scripts, 
helping package the shows and often ar- 
ranging financing for films or producing 
films outright. Brillstein does everything 
For clients such as Dan Aykroyd, it pro- 
duces movies such as Ghostbusters. For 
clients such as Garry Shandling, it pro- 
duces television shows such as Hy Garry 
Shandlings Show. 

Rollins, Morra апа Brezner does the 
same, though on а more intimate scale. Its 


client list is short but powerful, The com- 
guided Woody Allens carcer 
since his days as a stand-up and has pro- 
duced every one of his films. It also pro- 
duces Late Night with David Letterman and 


has made movies for clients such as Robin 
Williams and Billy Crvstal. 

Among talk-show producers: The 
Tonight Shows Jim McCawley and Late 
Night with David Letterman's Bob Morton 
select talent for the two shows that 

nake a comedian's career in 90 second. 

Among cable kings: € 
HBO and Steve Hewitt of Showtime arc 
responsible for breaking more 
dy nationally than anybody else. 

Among club owners: Budd Friedman 
started it all with The Improv Mitzi 
Shore's Comedy Store in LA. now has so 
s like а comedy 
mall. Richard Fickls is continuing it all by 
franchising Catch а Rising Star comedy 
clubs faster than McDonald s. 

So there they are. There few more, 
certainly. If somebody over at Shapiro- 
West in Beverly Hills says he wants to man- 
age your career, listen 10 him. And if 


ew come- 


many rooms and shows 


“Double indemnity in case of accidental death, you say?” 


Warren. Littlefield's seer ar NBC 
leaves a message on your machine. call 
back, But the people above are the heart of 
If just one of them sees you perform 
and. afterward. as you step from the stage, 
puts out his hand and says. "My son." your 
problems are over. For not only are they 
kingpins but almost all of them work to- 
gether at some level 

“Ies just an incredibly small world. 
Klein. And who wonld know better Шап 
he? Klein is a deceptive power figure. No 
ice around the eyes. No $1600 sharkskin 
suit. He looks less like a showbiz mullah 
than like a genial golf pro who should 
drop ten pounds before the start of the 
next seniors’ tour. “Young comics call me. 
They tell me where they're playing. Ive 
never seen edian I didit like.” 

That's a trait that has served Klein well. 
“The comedy world.” he says, “has become 
what rock and roll used to be. Big comedi- 
Jay Leno ога Robin 
iams—have become like the Doors or 
Janice Joplin was twenty years ago” 

Klein can remember those early days. 
He got his start as Shelley Berman's road 
manager in the early Sixties before becom- 
ing an agent—taking his young comics to 
strip joints. His big breaks came when һе 
packaged Laugh-In in 1968 and when he 
helped launch the first wave of the comedy 
revolution with Steve Martins outrageous- 
lv successful HBO comedy special in 1976. 
» to be known quickly a 
with a neær-infallible eye for new talent. 
Says Showtime vice-president Steve Hew- 
Mary's one guy who if he says, Tve 
found someone spec 
plane that mini 
person perform." 

Klein, whose walls are upholstered so 
that, if vou were so inclined, you could lit- 
erally bounce off them, expla Buddy 
Мо ie Brilltein—we say: “This 
guys funny” We put astamp of approval on 
him, which is important. Right now. we're 
putting the stamp of approval on Robert 
Schimmel. We keep him working and we 
start the machi rolling, The mach 
ery is making people in the industry aware 
of him. It's all telephone.” Klein picks his 
up. “I made a call yesterday to the Leiter 
тап show. OK, В 
see hi 
That's th 

Of course, 
Klein also repr 


says 


c 


a man 


acular: you get on а 
and fly to see that 


rt that 
ents David Leuerman. 

. 

There those who'll tell you that 
avarice is on их way ош. that greed is going 
the way ol the granny dress. Still, ts hard 
not to get å little excited when you consider 
the kind of money you can make just for 
being funny. 

Consider the short, happy career of Ed- 
die Murphy. The first year he was on 
day Night Live, m 1980. he made $750 а 
week. His salary the second year was $8700 


а show; his take (he (hird year was 
$300,000 for ten S.N.L. perform id 
пеп pretaped scenes. For his first film ef- 
fort, #8 Hours, he was a ed $200,000. 
Then his agent got 000,000 for 
up for a Bve-picture deal at 
Paramount. But ^ phy w to be lim- 
ited to the nori constraints of any sim- 
ple package; his compensation for Beverly 
Hills Cop Им 8,000,000, plus a nice bite 
off the back end 

Last y phy' take-home pay av 
aged $181,114 for each of his 28 concert ap- 
pearances. Even а lesser light such as 
Howie Mandel walked away with an aver- 
age of 573,970 per night for 61 concerts. 
Sam Kinisons concert take for the year 
brushed $3.000.000. 

While Bob Hope is the only comedian 
who currently makes Forbes magazines list 
of the 400 richest people in rica, there 
are others who are not far behind. In addi- 
tion to Murphys mammoth falls. 
Martins take-home pay last year was close 
to $12,000,000. Johnny Carson made 
$20,000,000. And then there is Bill Cosby. 
Last year, he made more than $6,000,000 
from concerts, $10,800,000 from night 
clubs—l 13 rate for a onc-night stand 
in Vegas із $250,000—$1,000,000-plus 
from videos and records, and when you 
throw in The Cosby Show itself, his over-all 
annual income approaches $60,000,000, 
pected to make $400,000,000 
the sale of the show in syndication. 

Still, before any comic hits it big, he plays 
10 the really cheap seats, The dives. The 
strip joints. And he rarely has a 
а manager. “The real nightmare 
Goldthwaite, “were before you had 
to get you money. You'd do a gig and the 
guy would try to pay you in blow. Blows 
not gonna pay my phone bill; I cant for- 
ward it to AT&T: I remember one gig: I 
went to cash a check and it bounced—and 
I was headlining! I called the guy up and 
“Hey, I lost the money playing 
cards with Gabe Kaplan. I said, "You're 
out" 

‚of course, there was only 
one dub to m: big hit, and that was 
The Improv in New York City, run by Budd 
Friedman. Friedman. who now owns the 
L.A. Improv (his ех 
club), did 
Among the 


ice: 


ne 
The night Lily Tomlin audit 
walked down to a nearby the 
a limo driver five dollars to drive her to my 
front door. | wi mpressed. That was 
back in the early Sixties, when we started 
to attract all sorts of people. ГА heard 
about this new kid playing an East Side 
club. I expected a young Princeton type. 
How did | know Rodney Dangerheld was 
already working on his third career? One 


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PLAYBOY 


164 


night, he staggered in drunk and bombed 
But the next night. he came in sober and 
kicked ass." 

Today, even with nine Improvs open 
across the country, Friedman has some- 
thing less than a total lock on talent. As 
Bob Wil 
I can take you out on Route Forty- 


ms, president of Spotlight, says 

x to 
Jersey and you'll see comedy clubs as thick 
as gas stations. Vaudeville is back with a 
vengeance. Thats all this comedy-club 
business is, Yuppie vaudeville. len years 
ago. there no comedy-club 
scene in this country. Now there are four 


was almost 
hundred to six hundred full-time comedy 
clubs and eleven hundred more clubs hold- 
ing regular comedy nights. There are four 
headline comedy Cleveland 
alone." Will 
clients range from 
Jerry Seinfeld to Jay 
Leno to Sid Caesar, 
but he is still very 
much in touch with 


clubs in 


ams" 


the grass roots. 
“Weve got төге 
than fifteen hun- 


dred comedians list- 
cd in our computer. 
he enthuses. “Guys 
you've never heard 
of are touring the 
country, club by 
dub, and pulling 
down seventy-five 
thousand dollars a 
year.” 

А six-dollar cover 
and wo-drink mini- 
mum can under- 
wie a іш of 
one-liners. And 
that’s the beginnin 
“Making five thou 
sand dollars a night 
in Vegas is nothing, 
explains Marty 


melody or tone. 


signal strength 


Klein, "Even ten 
thousand dollars is 
small money. 

lay Leno has been 
rumored to pull 
down $60,000 а 
night. "He tours two 
hundred and eighty 
nights a year, so you figure it out, 
Williams. Well, six times eight is 48. carry 


the four. . 


around bends. 


says 


Barry Weintraub, editor and publisher 
of Comedy USA Newswire, a wade publica- 
tion, claims, "Right now, Spotlight is really 
the king of comedy. It was the one that re- 
alized fortunes were to be made out of 
Middle America, not just in L.A. and New 
York. Spotlights the power that's out there 
in the trenches, developing the comedians 
who will be the big acts of the future.” 

New York’s Catch a Rising Star plans to 
open 21 additional clubs across the country 
within a few years. “We're just beginning 
to tap the market,” says Catch president 


Richard Fields, “because comedy is getting 
bigger and bigger. The baby boomers are 
getting older, and they aren't going to 
stand in line for two hours to get vomited 
on at a rock concert anymore. When we 
opened our club in Cambridge, we made a 
lot of other club owners in Boston—there 
were four of them—nervous. But we did 
about a million dollars our first year and 
business was better [or everyone.” 

For comics such as Seinfeld, the dubs 
have proved to be money machines: “Last 
vear, I made a quarter of what I made this 
[he year before that, a tenth." And 
just what, exactly. does that pencil out 10? 
“Well, let's just 
In fact, many ol them. The nice thing 


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about comedy is that once you get rolling, 
it keeps going. All the club owners know 
one another. Once word gets out that you 
can draw a crowd, your price goes through 
the roof. If you're a known quantity from 
TV. that really helps, because even if a club 
loses money on you, it boosts the club's rep- 
utation, so that crowds will be bigger for a 
month after you're gone.” 

Seinfeld's agent, Bob Williams, is quick 
to point out that the overhead is peanuts 
“Touring costs are nothing. You're one guy 
оп a seven-oh-seven and where's the mike 
and where's the light? 

OK, six times 12 is 72. add the four 

1f Leno is doing 280 live performances a 
year at 60 grand a pop, that's $16,800,000 


a year. “Well,” Williams concludes, “actual- 
ly. he can be a little flexible on his price." 
. 

One of the ironies of the comedy boom 
is how inept the big. established Holly- 
wood machinery has been in dealing with 
it The major talent agencies and man- 
agers, people who handle the De Niros 
and the Streeps, the Willises and the Shep- 
herds, are, with precious few exceptions 
lost when they sign up a stand-up comic 

“When you sign with a big agent, you 
think you're finished with hustling, that 
hell take care of everything—get you 
bookings, handle publicity, keep you work- 
ing,” says Seinfeld, who was represented 
early on by a major firm. “Well, I sat for a 
year waiting for this big, powerful agency 
to do something for 
me and it never hap. 
pened. They 
interested only in 
TV. Most agents а 
just a suit and a nice 
lunch. Forget that, 1 
need bookings. The 
big agencies are the 
worst for 
They dont know 
how to build talent.” 

Another comcdi- 
an, Wil Shriner, who 
was once represent- 
ed by the enormous 
William Morris 
Agency agrees. “1 
had good luck and 
was treated 
well at the 
agency. But 1 
sure I'd recommend 


were 


е 


comedy, 


very 
Morris 


not 


a big agency to any 
new comic. Most of 
them are looking to 
make the really big 
score. You gotta be 
the new Eddie Mur 

phy You 
they're not spending 
a lot of time at their 
weekly meetings try- 
g to figure ош 
“What can we do for 
Mr. Young Comedi 
n today? They just 


know 


don't have the time. 

Few people understand the limitations 
better than Chris Albrecht, who has been 
one of comedys Jacks-of-all-trades. А 
stand-up performer at one point in his ca- 
reer, he became manager and then co- 
owner of the Improv in New York when 
Friedman moved West to open his LA 
club. In the early Eighties, Albrecht tried 
his hand at being an agent for mega-agen- 
cy ICM, 

“At ICM, they wanted someone to give 
them the next Freddie Prinze or Robin 
Williams." he recalls. “It was a pretty hor- 
rible experience. I ended up signing a lot 
of people; Eddie Murphy, Joe Piscopo, 
Whoopi Goldberg, Paul Rodriguez and 


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165 


P K K Y K. Oe 


166 


Billy Crystal. I had to try to convince ICM 
that it could build multimillion-dollar ca- 
reers lor comics based on continuous series 
of big-club dates” Traditionally, large 
agencies aim at movie roles for comics 
rather than club 


s take special 
adling, which Albrecht knew 
Gold- 
nyone's idea of a main- 
Lit often seems more like 
hes having a nervous breakdown оп stage 
than doing an act "I fel the same way 
about Bobcat that I felt about Sam 
Kinison,” says Albrecht. “They made me 
really, really laugh—but be 
you say to yourself. “This gu 
but what are we going to do with him?" " 

The solution was to have Goldthwait 
make his Hollywood debut as ап opening 
act for Whoopi Goldberg at The Comedy 
Store т LA. “И was a huge night for 
Whoopi, the main room was packed to фе 
rafters with a Whos Who in showbiz.” en- 
thuses Albrecht. “Bobcat really scored; he 
went through the roof—for people whom 
you wouldn't have been able to drag down 
to sce him in the best-possible situation. 
All of a sudden, he was a cult hero, Some- 
thing in a dark little club might have been 
scary, but in a party situation, they were 
much less likely to be afraid of him. That 
one night did as much for Bobcat as any- 
thing anybody's done since.” 

Albrechts role as an age 
al—and short-lived. After five years, he 
quit ICM to become senior vice-president 
of original West Coast programing at 
HBO. “For a comic. an agent is basically 
just a phone caller and а job booker.” 
maintains Seinfeld. “The manager is the 
architect of your whole carce! comic, 


сше 


when he signed Bob Goldthwaite 
майе is hardly 


її was unusu 


having the right manager is li 
шїн wife." 
That makes Brad Grey the right wile to 
lots of top comic talent. The cherubic 31- 
old is president of the Brillstein Com- 
Remember Ghostbusters? That was а 
Brillstein Company picture that rewarded 
its producers а cool $230,000,000 at the 
box office and another quick $32,000,000 
in video sales. ABC then paid $15,000,000 
for the rights to show the film on television 
Next, there were two Ghostbusters cartoon 
and a merchandising campaign that 
cluded a Ghostbusters video game, a 
breakfast cereal, a computer g 
books, Tshirts, a board game, hat 
posters, records, you name 
for Ghostbusters merchandise f 
Toys alone is said to be $90,000,000. 
of course, Ghostbusters H is likely to keep 
that streak alive, 

‘The company produces ALF, The Days 
and Nights of Molly Dodd (for cable), Its 
Garry Shandling’s Show and has several pi- 
lots in production. T hats more than some 
studios have. "We're also in motion pictures 
with our clients, and we manage much of 
the cast of Saturday Night Live, plus its 
producer, Lorne Michaels. And Letter 
mans producer, Robert Morton," says 
Grey. 

Connections are important: The compa- 
пуз paterfamili Bernie Brillstein, not 
only oversees his management firm but al- 
so served as chairman of Lorimar Film 
Entertainment. leaving only when Lori- 
mar was sold to Warner Bros. 

I started out in college,” Grey says, 
i nd FO SS Ы it was 


e having the 


me, various 


лей managing comics.” 
Those comics included Dennis Miller 
and Jon Lovitz, and Grey began adding 


“Plus a guy who does Generalissimo Francisco Franco.” 


others. Finally, he came to Brillsteins at- 
tention. “I eventually had breakfast with 
him at the Beverly Hills Hotel,” he s 
“and gave him a twenty-minute pitch. My 
point was, I wanted to be in business with 
him." What had Grey brought t0 the table? 
“The next people.” To wit, the core of the 
new Saturday Night Live. Brillst 
him up. “Never in my life. 
a smile, "did I think wed be so successful 
so quickly. 

His phone rings. He picks it up. “Hello. 
Hi how are yo . No. I und 
stand. . . . I really doubt it. Pm thrilled 
to be in business with Coca-Cola, You're 
talking a million point five; thats what 
they need, and I don nt to do it other- 
wise.” 

Here's the nub of Grey's world: He's the 
ion. He manages 
ms. he produces comedian: 
puis the talent together with the script 
the director and the money guys. He pro- 
vides the emire package. 

. 

Last year wasn't а bad year for Buddy 
Morra. Two of his firm's mov Throw 
Momma from the Train and Good Morning, 
Vietnam, made truckfuls of money The 
‘Burbs, with Tom Hanks, was released e: 
lier this year. Both a manager and a pro- 
ducer, Morra, like Grey, is affable vertical 
integration personified. His firm, Rollins, 
Morra and Brezner, is one ol comedys 
most venerable institutic 

In simplest terms, Morra is a career 
planner, He isa man who makes, hustles or 
conjures opportunities for his clients. The 
best of those opportunities are now in 
films, specifically ones he сап put together 
himself. Operating from a small tre 


уз. 


Grey says 


shaded office on a back tin W 
lywood, he maintains the same kind of 
unbuttoned style ad and fre- 


y Klein nedy 
big right now,” he says. So 
the transition from comedy-career planner 
to comedy moviemaker wa 
the years, our clients have become more 
nd more important; as а result, we've got 
ourselves ilm production so our 
di be protected as much as poss 
ble. We'll find a property and we'll go to a 
studio and say, "Hey, we've got this terrific 
film we'd love to develop. and they'll say 
yes or no. Well keep going somewhere un- 
til we can get a studio to underwrite the 
cost of the film. 

Like all agents and managers, Morra 
works both ends of the comedy spectrum 
In fact, his firm has recently launched its 
own comedy label, Blue Rose Records, in 
association with A&M. ІСІ feature the 
work of comedy' best ascending acts, such 
as Will Durst, Paula Poundstone and Diane 
Ford. 

“We're constantly looking for new talent 
We produced the HBO Young Comedians 
show and saw two hundred new comedi- 


quent partner 
movies are vi 


s obvious, "Over 


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ans. Out of that, we found Jake Jo- 
hannsen.” The development of Jake 
Johannsen began forthwith: “When we 
brought him down here, 1 did not want 
him to play The Improv or The Comedy 
Store. IF he was just going to work out, I 
wanted him away from where everyone 
else goes. So we put him in Hermosa 
Beach, put him in Pasadena, put him on 
the road for a week. When we felt he was 
confident, when we felt he was ready we 
took over The Improv with enough ad- 
vance notice for everybody—studio peo- 
ple, ТУ people. Out of that came a 
for NBC. It was really very simpl. 
. 
ent filth,” Geary Rindels 


“We dont герге 
Says, cradli 
Hotel's many bar 


a drink at one of the Riviera 
rising above. 


his voie 


of the finest acts 
don't touch them. That's part of the reason 
Spotlight has the best comedy roster in the 
business 

White shirt. White coat. White slacks. A 
short beard. Rindels has Eric Claptons 
face and Barry Manilows nose and. 
dressed all in white, looks as if he might 
have just stepped off the top of Barry 
Gibb’s wedding cake. But as director of op- 
erations for Spotlight, he’s the man of the 
hour, here in Las Vegas to show the flag at 
Budd Friedmans shmoose-a-thon, The 


First Annual American Comedy Conven- 
tion. 
Drop a bomb on this place and the come- 


dy explosion would probably be over. 
Rindels has spent the afternoon mingling 
with a zoo of club owners, managers, other 
agents and comedians. counsel is 

uch in demand because of Spotlights 
success in breaking hundreds of 
edy acis. 

Marty Klein is here, too, looking tan and 
chatting it up with young comics who trail 
behind him like chicks behind a momm 
hen. (One novice comic capped the mood. 
of this gathering with the remark, “I don't 
want to sell out, but I want to come really 
close”) Chris Albrecht has just given a talk 
to some of the 300 comedians who 
ponied up $300 apiece to mix it up with 
more than 50 club owners and booking 
agents who've flown in for this grand sum- 
of comedy 
The TV c 


av com- 


rs are probably the biggest 
draws. The names Bob Morton and Jim 
McCawley may not mean anything to the 
public; in fact, they probably mean noth- 
ing to the heads of the major studios. But 
10 comics, those names are nothing short 
of magic, since Morton produces Late 
Night with David Letterman and MeCawley 
ns for The Tonight Show. 
pt attention of the crowd 
ne advice. "It gets down to 
lines,” says McCawley. “The actual wi 
material. Johnny is interested in the hard 
line, the joke. Perfect example: Rodney 
Dangerfield. He's incredibly disciplined. 
Hell geta laugh in the first fifteen seconds. 
In three minutes, he'll deliver twenty-five 


books comedia 
They have the 
as they offer se 


strong lines. During a six-minute set—in- 
cluding three minutes of talking with 
Johnny—he delivers fifty laughs. That's 
what you have to deliver” 

“On Letterman, we look for specific 
things,” adds Morton. “We try to stay on 
the cutting edge. No guys juggling chain 
saws. We look at all audition tapes, any- 
body who calls up, we try to see. We try to 
be as accessible as we ^ 

But McCawley issues a warning: “Before 
you call either one of us, be ready. HT sec 
an act and it doesnt go over for me, I won't 
look at it again for at least a year. 

HBOS Albrecht is a popular guy, too. 
Cable has become a powerful force in the 
comedy world, and it’s a symbiotic relation- 
ship. Comics need exposure; cable needs 
low-cost original programing. “HBO is the 
one place where a comedian can televise 
his work in its purest form. If you look at 
an HBO comedy concert, it's a pure form 
of comedy thats done fo mass audi- 
ence.” 

More and more comedians are making it 
on cable. HBO, for example, is now doing 
50 hours a year of original comedy pro- 
graming. talk to Buddy Morra three 
timesa day trying to get as many shows out 
of Robin and Billy as I can get," says Al- 
brecht. “Buddy, meanwhile, is pitching me 
show ideas of his own." 

“Chris Albrecht is a good friend,” boasts 
Brad Grey, “and we do a lot of business 
with HBO. One advantage is creative free- 
dom, which is a joy. Another is not having 
to worry about the ratings.” 

At Showtime, Steve Hewitt, Albrechts 
counterpart, boasts, “Showtime is scrap- 
pier. Weve hooked up forty comedy clubs 
to form Showtimes Comedy Club Network 
and taped more than ninety comedians in 
the first cycle already ГИ be damned if 
we're not going to discover the next wave, 
the new comedians of the Nineties.” 

. 


“This is a great time to be in this busi- 
ness,” says Spotlights Bob Williams. "Hf a 
comedian 15 any good at all, we can get 
him a job. Nobody's starving in comedy 
now. A half-hoi ess is lucky to do two 
films a year and make sixty th nd dol- 
lars so she doesn't have to wait tables. Some 
of these young comics are coming olf the 

naking four times that.” 

Clubs are fighting over new acts; cable 
constantly needs new comic blood; comedy 
movies are dominating the box office; ne 
work executives haunt clubs looking lor 
the next Roseanne Barr or Bill Cosby to 
perform ratings magic. And іп typical 
show-business fashion, the sums of money 
being exchanged аге phenomenal. No 
wonder the czars of comedy are laughing. 
They're getting richer and more powerful 
cach day. As Klein puts it, "He who con- 
trols the talent controls the ваше.” 

“А boom like this has got to end," says 
Morra philosophically. “The problem is, 1 
just don't see when,” 


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(continued from page 102) 
survivors of the sex wars, with no heart left 
for engaging the enemy and no inspiration 
тийсе, 
sreer$ stature re- 
nouncing sex and even cheering on 
birds Andrea Dworkin, women's 
liberation came to rest on the shore oppo- 
site wh ted, the shore opposite de- 
movement was born in the 
and its first ery was for 
» the Eighties, 
ide Chris- 


crazy 


sire. The 
hothou 
more h 
feminism took its place alo 
y fundamentalism, AIDS and money 
as one of the chief йогу of 
The womens move- 
1 to give a different message to 
American society: Sex is di 
degrading; desire must be 
ed. It wa 
а fem 


igerous and 
rictly regulat- 
the song sung by Dworkin: “I'm 
4, not the fun kind.” 

. 

Fury has a way of immolating itself. How 
long could feminist culture make gar 
goyles out of men? How long could lust 
anished from the f 


icc be 


i 


The Eighties saw an explosion in eroti 
material produced by women. These 
books, magazines and films could be seen 
as explorations of the feminine uncon- 
scious or as masturbatory vehicles, or both, 
M they were met with silent blushes by 
nellectuals. For once, and suddenly, wom- 
en were famasizing about naked bodio 
and unusual positions, aggressive behav- 
iors and games of all sorts. Women produc- 
ag pornography broke all the rules. 

The feminist pornography of the Eight 
ies began at a baby shower for Veronic 
Hartin the spring of 1983. 

Hart was an innocently beautiful wom- 
an who sometimes shaved her pubic 
the shape of a heart. She had once per- 
formed with the shower's hostess, Annie 


Sprinkle, in a film called Pandoras Mirror, 


antique mirror that allows them to watch 
everyon le love in front of it. 

"While Annie Sprinkle may not be one 
of the top female erotic performers of all 
time," qualifies the Directory of Adult Film, 
perhaps unfairly, “one thing is true: She is 


certainly one of the kinkiest 
“Wed had sex together and made 
movies together,” Sprinkle tells us in her 


soft, otherworldly voie “but before 
Veronica's baby shower, we never got to 
know each other in a more intimate way, 
you know what I mea 

The women giggle and scream like 
teenagers at а slumber party. This is the 
first time most of them have been togeth 
without cameras or теп; men have been 
expressly forbidden at the shower in “the 
sprinkle Salon,” as everybody calls Annie's 
apartment 

Except for Roger Т. Dodger, of course. 
Giant. silent Roger, the ge ous body- 
builder who i former Mr. New York, 


serves the hors d'oeuvres. "Annie made 
sure Roger was wearing а green apron 
and а black bikini bottom and little else, 
remembers Veronica Vera, Sprinkle's 
best friend and the Catholic performance 
artist who wrote the antiseminal essay 
“Cunt Envy” 

А deep connection came out of that 
baby shower,” says Candida Royalle, who 
co-starred with Hart in Delicious. “We 
ized we were kindred souls.” 

So seven of the women, including Roy- 
alle, Sprinkle, Hart, Vera and Gloria Leon- 
ard, the pioneer of phone sex, would 
decide a few months later to form a con- 
sciousness-raising group. They would call 
it the Club 90, after Sprinkle's street ad- 
dress, and they would meet twice a month 
thereafter. 

“We earned our living in a very intense 
жау” says Royale, “making love on camera 
for money. None of us really fits in any. 
where else. The way people who dont un- 
derstand or approve can treat you, it helps 
to have women around who love and trust 
you and who are doing the same crazy 
thing.” 

Royalle would go on to form Femme 
Productions, a response to the video revo- 
lu “Today, Femme has become a haven 
and creative home, a sort of United Arti: 
of what can only be called fem porn. 

What could be more natural—and more 
unexpected—than a group of former 
porn stars coming together to produce 
videos for women and what the industry 
calls couples? It was a commercially com- 
pelling concept. because a survey of 1000 
video stores їп 1986 revealed that 63 pe 
cent of all X-rated videos were rented by 
women or by women and men together. 
Video pornography is а $600,000,000-a- 
year business. The VCR revolution of the 
Eighties put sex tapes in the bedroom, 
where women and a new generation of 
young couples felt comfortable watching 
them. But still—feminist pornography? It 
was an affront that would catch moralists 
of all persuasions with their pants down 

. 

Jonight in Femmes soundproof editing 
room on the West Side of Manhattai 
Sprinkle is rewinding the rough cut of her 
new video, In Search of the Ultimate Sexual 
Experience. She explains the difference be- 
tween the old, male-dominated porn and 
Femmes new "hard er 

“In the old days, the sex was already 
over before they thought about the wom- 
ans orgasm. You'd be lying there on the 
bed. The guy would be toweling himself 
off and the director would shout, ‘OK, take 
a face!’ Then the camera would move onto 
your face for the dese-up and you'd fake 


the orgasm, like, "Ooh! Ahh! Moan! 
Groan! 

She laughs. 

Royalle smiles. “Ас Femme, we don't go 


in for overdubbing moans and groans. We 


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fold the womans orgasm into the music. 

“L try to get real-life lovers as often as I 
can,” she says. “You get the heat and love 
that way. It’s wonderful. And if I use real 
lovers, I dont have to use safe sex. But I 
think it’s important to educate viewers as to 
how they can eroticize the use of safe sex.” 

Femme Productions’ videos range from 
the wacky, such as Sprinkles In Search of 
the Ultimate Sexual Experience, to the sen- 
sual, such as Christine $ and Three 
Daughters 

Femme women don't sleep with men un- 
til they want to, and if the guys do start 
things, they usually ask first. And politely: 
There's lots of kissing and fondling and 
foreplay. Afterward, the rock the 
women in their arms. Royalle likes cud- 
dling. 

The men dress like models in Calv 
Klein ads. The women are hardly the * 
dirty to me” fuck-bunnies of older porn 
but rather normal, if horny, gals with good 
jobs and Dynasty clothes. The sets seem to 
be designed by Laura Ashley—flowered 
wallpaper, arranged silverware, antique 
oak beds, designer sheets and yards of ex- 
pensive lingerie. ‘The music is decorous, 
mostly Wyndam Hill-sounding stuff. 

Violence is as forbidden as а male lead 
with a potbelly OK, maybe a little giggly 
bondage with silk scarves looped around 
the pipes of the brass bed. But no “golden 


rels 


men 


ik 


showers” of love—which is how, if you 
haven't already guessed, Sprinkle got her 
name—and definitely no nipple piercing. 
The ladies have gone mainstream! 
“Women want a situation, a tenderness 
component,” explains Royalle. “They want 
arelationship, more than а body and a sex 
organ, Of course, I'm filming erotica for 
men and women together, couples, and 
that's tricky, I don't want to lose the men to 
get the women, who have different fan- 
tasies. The big fantasy іп adult 
movies is to have lots of women throw 
themselves at а man, because that sort of 
thing almost never happens to men in real 
life; whereas for 
casy—to go out and have sex, so we like 
build-up and lcad-in. But I'm convinced 
that the new men my age want a lot of the 
same things women do and that it will be 
the women who help the men explore.” 
After Christines Secrets and Three 
Daughters were released to good reviews in 
major newspapers and thousands of wom- 
en began to rent or buy the videos, Royale 
found it odd that feminist organizations 
seemed reluctant, at best, to publicize what 
she thought was а revolutionary develop- 
ment. So she invited half a dozen women 
from the Media Reform Committee of the 
National Organization for Women's New 
York chapter to her house in Brooklyn to 
view Christine Secrets, All of them seemed 


many 


women, it's easy—too 


to enjoy the movie, and some seemed to 
like it a great deal. 

In the discussion that followed, the 
women told Royalle that her film was, in- 
deed, more alitarian. They 
found that it was sincere. Florence Rush. а 
founder of Women Against Pornography, 
agreed that Christines Secrets was certainly 
much better than the old cock-in-the-face 
stuff, but she felt that the film showed little 
concern for the problem of unwanted 
pregnancies or sexual disease. “Can we be 
exploring womens fantasies now in such 
dangerous times?” she asked. 

In а way, thought Royalle, it was as if 
NOW, unlike the women who were buying 
and renting her videos, actually preferred 
old garbage porn, because the old male- 
made porn was easy to understand and 
even easier to hate, It certainly raised по 
unsettling questions, the most obvious of 
which was, Weren't a lot of women just as 
turned on by the sight of men and women 
making love as men were? 

While Candida is chatting in the hallway, 
an executive from another company has 
been trying to enter the editing room. He 
knocks first, slides the door halfway, sticks 
his head in, then stomps off. Candida stops 
talking to check out the scene. She opens 
the door 

“An-ni 

Annie Sprinkle is on a gray leather 
couch beside the monitor. but a technician 


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is underneath her Her silk dress is 
bunched around her waist. The breasts 
that shocked the Directory of Adult Film 
swing free. Her hips are nonchalant, but 
they don't stop rocking, 

“Ummm, sorry Candida,” whispers 
Annie as sweetly and tentatively as ever. 
“Ummm, I guess my video must be OK. At 
least it turned me on. 

. 

The raucous debate over pornography 
has divided the women's movement since 
the mid-Seventies, pitting those who want 
to eradicate pornography as an expression 
of male aggression against those who want 
to push the envelope of women's sexual 
Its “good girl” versus “bad girl,” and the 
language has gotten pretty dirty, The most 
sweetly savage of the new bad girls is поу- 
elist Anne Rice. “No matter what bad-girl 
things my heroines do,” she says with a 
smile, “they never get truly hurt, because 
at heart, they are still good girls. 


Upstairs in Rice's study on the top floor 
of her San Francisco Victorian, it’s all 
saints and computers. “I hope that I may 
be one of the most famous female pornog- 


raphers in the United States,” she says, her 
smile as tiny and sweet as one of the an- 
tique cloth dolls in her collection. 

Rice is in her late 40s and is short—3'2", 
though she seems taller. Her bones are 
small and perfect, her eyes happy 
and, it seems, knowing; her hair is long 
and as black as a moonless night. 

She touches a red-and-black whip nailed 
to the wall opposite her computer. Its а 
cat-o"-nine-tails with the softest of leather 
strands, given to her by a fan who thought 
her books should contain even more ac- 
counts of Magellation. 

Has Mrs. Rice ever been whipped her- 
self? 

“Lets build up a mystique.” she says with 
a perfect china-doll smile. “Lets not tell 
everybody how dull Гат. 

Rice ts the author of The Queen of the 
Damned, The Vampire Lestat and Interview 
with the Vampire, the classic horror novel 
that may be to our sexually ambiguou: 
time what Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley's 
Frankenstein was to the early 19th Century. 
Under the mildly lusty pseudonym Anne 
Rampling, Rice writes. best-selling 
contemporary novels of exotic sex and го- 

nance. And under the French nom de 
plume А. №. Roquelaure (which means 
“cloak”), she publishes fairy-tale pornogra- 
phy, hard-core variations on the Sleeping 
Beauty theme. 

The writing in the Vampire books is sen- 
sual, but the sex is veiled. Not so in the 
hard-core Roquelaure books, Claiming of 
Sleeping Beauly, Beautys Punishment and 
Beautys Release, all novels of “discipline, 

and surrender.” 
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food and ale to the golden-haired capt 


At once, the captain's strong right 
hand clamped on her wrists and he 
rose from the bench, lifting her off 
the floor and up so she dangled above 


h 


“To my good soldiers, who have 
served the queen well,” the captain 
id, and at once, there was loud 
stomping and clapping. "Who will be 
the first?" the captain demanded. 
Beauty felt her pubic lips growing 
thickly together, a spurt of moisture 
squeezing through the seam, but a si- 
lent burst of terror in her soul para- 
lyzed her. What will happen 10 те? 
she thought, as the dark bodies closed 
in around her. The hulking figure of 
a burly man rose in front of her. . 
The smell of the stables rose from 
the man, the smell of ale and the rich, 
delicious scent ОҒ sun-browned skin 
and rawhide. His black сус» quivered 
and closed for ап instant as his cock 
plunged into Beauty, widening the 
distended lips, as Beauty’s hips thud- 
ded against the wall in а frantic 


rhythm. . . . Yes. Now. Yes. The fear 
was dissolved in some greater unnam- 
able emotion. 

The cock discharged its hot, swim- 

ing fluid inside her and her orgasm 
radiated through her, blinding her, 
her mouth open, the cries jerked out 
of her. Red-faced and naked, she rode 
out her pleasure right in the midst of 
this common tavern. 


Rice touches her wedding band as she 
talks, seated at the desk. America’s most 
famous female pornographer has been 
married to her high school sweetheart, 
poet Stan Rice, for 24 years. From time to 
me, Lucky, her giant bull mastiff, barks 
deeply from the back yard. А deer's head 
with comic dentures wedged in its mouth 
es down from the wall 

“When I'm before that computer writ- 
ing,” she says, "I'm fairly sexually aroused. 
Very frankly, I'm creating a one-handed 
read. I pace the scenes with my natural 
feelings. If you don't, then it's only hack 
work, which, to me, is pornography, writ- 
ten by people who dont really share the 
fantasy, to use the cliché, but are only try- 
ing to second-guess the market.” 


Jo 


But what about the sexual violence of, 
say, "Soldiers" Night at the Inn”? 

To Rice, the scene at the innis not violent 
at all, because it is consensual. “The whole 
point in my Roquelaure books is that the 
sexual experimenter doesnt get truly 
hurt, no matter what bad-girt things she 
does, because she is a good girl” 

In fact, one of the things that made Rice 
begin her pornographic series was her 
hatred of Pauline Reage ssic Story of О. 
She found it grim, pessimistic and sinister, 
because O goes mad, is branded and di 
tegrates. She set out to create a fairy-tale 
world in which the heroine could enjoy all 
manner of fun and games without being 
slashed or killed. 

What Rice does is give good girls per- 
mission to dream bad-girl dreams. “There 
are thousands upon thousands, if not mil- 
lions, of women in the United States who 
would like nothing better than to be domi- 
nated in a safe context by some man who 
they know is not going to kill them,” she 
says. “They would love it. They buy tons of 
romances in which women are dominated 
by pirates and Yankee soldiers and God 
knows what.” 

Why? 

“The heart of the matter,” stresses Rice, 
“is that people want the permission to en- 
x They want to be carried away in the 
whirlwind and receive all that wonderful 
altention—then emerge unharmed. That's 
the sadomasochistic Fantasy, and it ap- 
“to men and women 


Rice believes that any culture that em- 
phasizes sin and repression will create peo- 
ple who want to be punished before they 
can enjoy. She points out that Raymond 
Chandler and lan Fleming may be viewed 
as writers of male S/M, since they subject 
Philip Marlowe and James Bond to contin- 
uous, appalling, excruciating tortures, a 
good many of them sexual in tone. Rice 
laughs her rich laugh: "And didn't Woody 
Allen say that he wanted to die smothered 
in the flesh of Italian actresses?” 

But in the end, she prefers to beg off 
“Tm not a psychiatrist. I'm not a lawyer. 
Fm not an anthropologist,” she says 
crisply. "Lam a writer and I write only what 
turns me oi 

What bothers Rice more than the possi- 
bly dark implications of her fantasies is any 
attempt to гсіп her in. 

"Women as sexual beings haven't been 
out of the closet for more than about twen- 
ly years. What | sce now is the closet door 
being slammed back in our face by an al- 
liance of feminists, Moral Majority conserv- 
es and old-guard liberals, who seek 
more to protect women as victims of male 
sexuality than to argue for their equal 
rights to express themselves sexually. "Io 
me, this is very frightening. I want to know 


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what other women feel. I wish they would 
write more erotica. Its a big mystery what 
women want. It's a big mystery what turns 
them on. We've spent two thousand years 
telling women what they should and 
shouldnt feel. Its time now to find out 
what they really do feel." 

Rice is matter-of-fact about this. "I 
largely see feminists as my enemy, though I 
see myself almost as a radical feminist. At 
this point in history. there are many vocal, 
reactionary, repressive femi 
trying to get pornography banned and 
trying to interfere with the expression of 
scxual desire in art.” 

Rice believes that antiporn crusaders 
such as Andrea Dworkin and Catharine 
MacKinnon are “idiots” and “fools.” She 
thinks that “they have been indulged. If 
the kind of antipornography legislation 
that they advocate were pushed by two 
fundamentalist Baptist ministers from the 
Bible Belt, it would be laughed out of the 
public overnight. But because 
Dworkin and MacKinnon are women and 


sts who are 


arena 


are supposed to be feminists, they have 


confused 


well-meaning liberals every 
g 


where. People have bent over backward to 
understand their position, when they dont 
deserve any leeway, because Dworkin and 
MacKinnon have по respect for free 
speech, for the Constitution of the United 


States or for rights that have mattered to 
the rest of us for hundreds of years, rights 
that have evolved out of English common 
law. 
Ameri 
from their Government. They dont want 


ans don't really want censorship. 


ida Lovelace to be hurt, either, but they 


do want to be able to go t0 the video store 
and rent Deep Throat and find out what its 
about. Middle-class Americans are renting 
these tapes Бу the millions. To me, that 
shows that the sexual revolution is still go- 


ing on, to a large extent, and I think that's 
healthy and wholesome. The Meese com- 
mission made noise but had little impact” 


E 


“But as a designer, hes way ahead of his time.” 


Asourney 


(continued from page 94) 
he couldn't keep away from even for а day 
Driving on the airport road over fallen 
yellow flowers of cassia trees, he feels 
memory like a hand alternately scalded 
and balmed—fear of the terrible experi- 
ence of the wonderful love affair that 
belongs to this place, this posting, as the 
trees do, and gratitude to the endurance of 
these trees, this posting, where he is about 
to be restored. There were tanks rolling 
along this road not long ago, and irs un- 
evenly patched with fresh tarmac where it 
was blown up. But the familiar trees full of 
yellow blossoms are still here. So is he. 

He parks the car innocently, now, right 
out in the open; it has not brought him to 
destination where he 
would arrive already with an erection. He 
walks slowly 
> this passage between low hedges of 


any clandestine 


to the airport building, be- 
caus 


Christ’s-thorn and hibiscus propped up 
like standard roses (nobody would believe 
what survives an attempted coup, while 
people are shot) is the only way toward 
something that is both old and new (no- 
body would believe what a man and a 
woman can survive, between themselves). 

This decaying airport that he has been 
in and out of impatiently many times is go- 
ing to be where it happens; how strange 
that is. How appropriately inappropriate 
definitive places are. He is early; at first, 
the arrival hall is empty bins overflowing 
with beer cans seem blown away against 
the walls, the worn red-rubber flooring 
gliuering under its spills and dirt stretches 
vast; he is alone in the perspective of a 
De Chirico painting. 

These wisps of philosophical generaliz- 
ing, fragments of the culture and educa- 
tion that overlay the emotions that drive 
life, drift irrelevantly away from him. She 
at flesh 
that fact is what has resulted from one 
ht when he returned from a weekend 
trip with that woman and was so 


is coming home with a live baby. ТІ 


ngry 
at his wife's forlornness, her need of com- 
fort he couldn't give. for something he 
couldn't say that he made love to her. 
Fucked her. I was not even good fucking, 
because he had been making love to the 
other woman, rapturously. tenderly. hard 
ly sleeping for two nights. It was an act 
shameful to them both, his wife and him 
self. It did not serve as a way of speaking 
to each other. More like a murder than a 
conception. If it hadn't been for that horri 
ble night, there would have been no baby 
and—a clutch of fe 
narrowly escaped—he wouldn't be waiti 
now, the love affair might have 
plowed on through his life, leaving noth- 
ing standing 

The gatherings of people who hang 
about these airports all day rather than 
arrive or depart are beginning to human- 
ize and domesticate the surreal vacuum of 
the hall. Тһе men come in talking: there 


at the danger so 


here 


hd АСА — 


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PLAYBOY 


176 


seems always, day or night, something for 
lack men to explain, argue, 
toonea A surely пе 
ly The turbaned women аге clusters 
rather than individuals, children clinging 
to and climbing about their mothers 
robes, whose symbols of fish and fruit and 
the face of the president circled with a 
message of congratulations on his 60th 
birthday are their picture books. The 
blacks take their children everywhere— 
they sleep under their mothers’ market 

s, they nod, tied on their mothers’ 
bad ks, through the beer halls—these peo- 
ple never part from their children, at least 
while they are preadolescent. After that, 
the boys may be abducted 
by the rebel army or drafted beardless into 
the president's youth labor corps; often not 
seen at home again, after all that close 
when they were all that flesh contact 
of warmth and skin odors that is—love? 
He tried to keep the boy out of the silence, 
to speak to him. 10 show love. That is, to 
do things with him. But the fact ts, the boy 
is not manly, hes not adventurous—he's 
too beautiful. Too much like her, her del 
cate skin round the eyes, her nacreous 
ears, her lips the way they are when she 
wakes in the morning, needing no paint. 
Lovely in a woman—yes, loverly, what a 
man wants, desirable and welcoming (how 
could he ever have forgotten that, even for 
опе year in 152). But not in a boy. The boy 
can swim like a fish, but he sulked when he 
was taken spe h adulis, with 
his father, an expedition any other boy 
would have been proud to be included ir 
And those times when love, suddenly, for a 
moment, didn't m the other woman, 
when it was a rush of longing for flesh con- 
tact and the skin odors of one’s own child, 
to have that child cling—he didn't unde: 
and, he only submitted. As his mother 
did, that one night. 


He doesn't allow himself to look at his 
watch. There ill at least a quarter of an 
hour to go. That night—that she should 
have conceived that night. When the boy 
was younger, they tried for another el 
Nothing happened. All the time when it 
would have been conceived out of joy, when 
they still desired each other so much and 
so often! And, of course, that's the n 
reason why the boy has been spoiled—as 
he thinks of it, he doesn't mean only in the 
sense of overindulged as an only child. 
And it is also his fault—part of that mad- 
ness! No point in sorrowing over it now (a 
spasm of anguish), but when she conceived 
ош of the willed lust of anger and shame, 
he felt at the sight of his victim that he 
didn't want to see what was happening to 
her, he didn't want to see her belly growing 
and she didn't want him to see her. She was 
alone days and nights on end with the boy, 
poor little devil. And even when the time 
came, only last month, for the baby to be 
born, he sent the boy with her to Europe 
for the birth. He sent her away with an im- 
mature 13-year-old as her companion, 
when his own place was with her—there is 
a hoarse, twanging murmur over the pub- 
lic-address system, but he makes out that it 
is the departure announcement for anoth- 
er plane—his own place was with her: The 
throbbing of the words starts up again; im- 
mediately, his attention is turned from the 
raction. 


ces in himself where it was 
denies his actual presence 
here in the airport hall. where people be- 
side him are eating cold cassava porridge 
and drinking Goke from the refreshme 
id-curio shop that has just removed its 
shutters, and, at the same time, makes mo 
mentous every detail of this place, this 
scene. For the rest of his life, he knows, he 


from the ph 
thrust ама 


“I didn't realize giving you my power of attorney included this." 


le to feel the split in the seat be- 
neath him where the stuffing spills like 
guts. He will be able to arrange the gradu- 
ated line of ebony elephants from charm- 
bracelet to doorstop size, the malachite 
beads, copper bangles and model space 
monsters imprisoned in plastic bubbles 
t cards among the dead cockroaches 
in the shops window that he walks past 
and past again. These are his witnesses 
The tawdry, humble and banal bear tes 
mony to the truth; the splendid emotions 
of a love affair are the luxurious furnish- 
ngs of the 

A green star on the ARRIVALS AND DETAR- 
Tures indicator is flashing, He stands up 
from the broken seat. It doesn't matter that 
the announcement comes as a burble, he 
catches the number of the flight, the green 
star keeps Mashing. The unhappy night 
when he forced himself to make love to his 
wife and she conceived this baby he's await- 
ing—that's all over. He is her husband 
again, her lover. He has come back to her 
in a way she will realize the moment she 
steps off the plane and he embraces her. 
The end of a journey he took, away from 
her, and the end of her journey now will 
meet and they'll be whole again. With the 
baby. The baby is the wl holeness she is car- 
g off the plane to him and he'll receive. 
һе ordinary procedure of privilege is 
taking place. The customs man recognizes 
him, as usual, someone attached to a for- 
eign consulate, someone who doesn't have 
to abide by the rules for local people 
with their bundles and relatives. “Right 
through, sir, thank you, sir.” He has passed 
a check point this way countless times, but 
this ime replicates no time. 

There they are. 

Through a glass screen, he sees them 
near the baggage conveyer belt. There 
they are. A little apart from the other pas- 
sengers ringed round the belt. Whats the 
matter with the boy? Why doesn't that boy 
stand by ready to lift off the baggage? 

They are apart from the rest of the peo- 
ple, she is sitting on that huge overnight 
bag, he sees the angle of her knees side- 
ways, under the fall of a wide blue skirt. 
And the boy is kneeling in front of her, ac- 
tually kneeling. His head is bent and her 
head is bent, they are ng at something. 
Someone. On her lap, in the encircling 
curve of her bare arm. The baby. The ba- 
һуз ат her breast. The baby's there; its real- 
ity flashes over him in a suffusion of blood. 
He pauses, to hold the moment. He doesn't 
know how to deal with it. And in that mo- 
ment, the boy turns his face, his to0-beau- 
tiful face, and their gazes link. 

Standing there, he throws his head back 
and gasps or laughs, and then pauses again 
before he will rush toward them, his wife, 
the baby, claim them. His cry flings a noose 
catch! But the boy 
is looking at him with the face of a man 
and turns back to the woman as if she is his 
woman, and the baby his begeuing. 


а DrinkWild Turkey 

now and you wont 

have to change bourbons 

when you become a 
illionaire. 


8 years old, 101 proof, pure Kentucky, AA. 


PLAYBOY 


178 


SMOKE JUMPERS 


(continued from page 126) 
was...” and end with "And thats no shit”; 
but when [ asked him what the worst mo- 
ments were like out there, he rendered a 
scene that had more grunt than bravado to 
it. 

“You jump in the afternoon, dig line till 
three or four in the morning and are two 
or three miles from where you started with 
a minimum of stuff to survive the next sev- 
cral hours. You're tired, youre hungry, 
you're filthy, you've been working real 
hard, so youre probably soaking wet; it's 
ice cold, pitch black, you cant look around. 
Гога place to relax, so you just sit wherever 
. even if you have to jam your Pu- 
nto thc ground to keep from rolling 
off the mountain." 

When I asked Thrash why he does it, he 
told me that was a good question and that 
it would probably take several hours over 
several beers to come up with a good an- 
swer. Then he said, “I just like it. | like go- 
ing all over the Western United. States, 


seeing the neatest, most remote places. 1 
like being out there in a spot Гуе never 
seen before and more than likely will nev- 
er see again. I'm comfortable in the 
wilderness. I also enjoy the physical chal- 
lenge of the work. Its like being а 
letc—you have to get yourself up fo 
jump. Its a grind sometimes, putting in 
that many hours without any time off. In a 
way, though, that’s part of the attraction of 
the work. Smoke jumpers are pretty much 
expected to be tougher than a two-dollar 
steak 

I told him Fd try to resist any jokes 
about a well-done two-dollar ste: 

“We have our own litte jokes,” he said. 
ike, we always carry an apple out there, 
for use in that last-option situation I was 
talking about, We have these small 
minized fire shelters. About а three-pound 
package, shaped like a pup tent when you 
get it set up. lt will resist temperatures as 
high as eight hundred degrees for ten or 
fifteen minutes. We figure if it comes to 
that, you crawl inside, stick the apple in 
your mouth and wait.” 


“And do you promise to take this man to be the main man 
in your life, for now, as far as you know?” 


CAPTAIN X 


(continued from page 140) 
poorly planned landing, my instincts over- 
rode my training. I decided to stop the god- 
damn airplane! 

I cut the throttles, reversed the engine 
thrust, raised the spoilers (the big nois: 
flaps on the tops of the wings) and hit the 
brakes. 

Outlandish noises reverberated in the 
cabin. Everything that was not nailed 
down in the galley flew against the for- 
ward bulkhead. Along the aisle, the over- 
head compartments began springing 
open—pop, pop, pop—showering over- 
coats, garment bags, pillows, blankets, you 
name it, onto the hapless heads of the peo- 
ple below them. All the oxygen masks 
came down, dangling before the bewil- 
dered and panic-stricken eyes of our 
vhiplashed passengers. 

Still the plane roared on. 

I sat dench-jawed at the controls. I could 
see the end of the runway rising befor 
me. The plane was skipping and skidding 
along the pavement, its tires alternately 
grabbing and sliding as we heaved and rat- 
ued across the asphalt. My feet were 
clamped hard on the brake pedals. I was 
sure that in another few seconds the plane 
would nose-dive off the far end of the run- 
way and explode in the same fiery inferno 
we had so narrowly averted at the runway's 
near end. 

God have mercy on us all 

The fact that that didnt happen seems, 
to me, a bit of a miracle. Somehow, the 
combined forces of brakes, spoilers, re- 
versed thrust and Lady Luck slowed our 
momentum, and the plane shuddered to a 
halt. We were sitting with our nose practi 


cally overhanging the end of the runway. 
but we were breathing. 

The next few minutes are unclear. 
Somehow, I managed 10 get the plane to 


the gate, and those poor scared passengers 
managed to crawl out of the valley of death 
and onto sweet terra firma. ("Thanks for 
flying with us, and we do hope you'll choose 
us again the next time you travel!) 

The three of us in the cockpit sat white- 
faced and stonily silent. Finally, I suggest 
ed—softly and as offhandedly 
possible—that the flight engineer might 
want to go out and get a cup of coffee, 

“Roger!” he said. Га never seen a man 
it a cockpit door as fast as he did. 

That left just me and Mr. Spock. 

ST will try to put this as kindly and suc- 
cinctly as I can,” I said. “Just what the 
bloody fuck did you think you were doing 
back there? Just what the bloody fuck did 
you, in your eight distinguished years of 
flying Seven-twos, mean by coming in on 
such an erroneous and obviously half- 
assed approach angle? Didn't you in your 
infinite wisdom see that we were all about 
two seconds away from becoming crispy 
critters on this north-woods landscape? 

Mr. Spock squirmed. 

I wont belabor this poor fellow's humili- 


ation. Suffice it to say that it was intense 
and well deserved. 

I later learned that everything he had 
told me during our preflight check-out was 
true. He had been flying 727s for eight 
years. He had be ng into the < 
naw airport since the day he joined his 
company. As a flight engineer! This was on- 
ly his third trip as å 
copilot! He had nex- 
actually landed a 
plane at Saginaw, 
and he had never 
made a 40-flap land- 
ing in his life! 

Lets take another 
look at that incident, 
and this time, let's 
see it for what it re- 
ally was. 

Factor one: Вой 
ту copilot and ту 
flight engineer were 
new lo те. 

This in and of i 
self is not unusual. 
My airline has more 
than 5000 pilots, so 
Fm obviously not 
going to know them 
all But in the old 
days, I at least knew 
how they меге 
trained. 

Since deregula- 
tion, there have 
been a large number 
of mergers involv- 
ing hundreds of air 
routes and thou- 
nds of employees. 
"his means that on 
а significant num- 
ber of flights, part of 
the crew will have 
been trained on one 
airline, part on a 
other. Many of to- 
day's crew members 
come [rom small 
lines that have 
ther the mone 
the equipment 
give them the so- 
phisticated jet train- 
ing they need. The 
result сап be disas- 
tral 

This was demon 
ed on а snowy 
rnoon in No- 
vember 1987, when a 
Continental DC-9 tipped a wing on take 
off from Denver's Stapleton Airport and 
broke into three pieces, strewing 
twisted debris along 500 feet of w 
runway. Tw 
board were killed. Subsequent investiga 
tion showed that the captain had spent а 
mere 33 hours in the captain's seat. His 
first officer, who was at the controls at the 
time, had been hired a couple of months 


SURGEON 
By Pregna 


ndswept 
y-cight of the 81 people on 


Enriched Flavor,” low tar. 


arlier from a small commuter airline in 
ехаў, Не had never taken off in snow. 

I can assure you that I have been much 
more careful in questioning ту copilots 
ince that landing at Saginaw 
Factor two: I, as captain, didwt know the 
airport. 

Belore deregulation, when a crew took 


More 


is less, 


satisfying Пауог with even less tar 
than other leading lights. 


GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 
nt Women May Result in Fetal 


Injury, Premature Birth, And Low Birth Weight. 


off in an airplane, there was at least a pret- 
ly good chance that their destination was 
familiar to one or more of the crew men 
bers. Because the industry was so со 
trolled, air routes were fairly static. 
Today, irs different. For example, in 
the regional airline Texas Intern 
I acquired Continental Airlines to bi 
come Texas Air. That new corporation 
launched New York Air in 1983 and 


A solution with Merit. 


bought ern in 1985, Meanwhile, Conti- 
nental added Frontier Air and People E 
press to its burgeoning fleet, By 1987, 40 
new cities had been brought into Cont 
nentals system. ‘Texas Air Corporation 
had patched together а work force of 
61,000 people, including approximatel 
8000 pilots and copilots. You can imagine 
the chaos. 

Factor тег The 
copilot and I were 
about the same age. 

All pilots advance 
by seniority. But the 
seniority track at an 
unprofitable anti 
сап be much slower 
than it is at å 
profitable one. 

Um convinced 
that this unevennes 


of seniority con- 
tributed to our 
disaster i 


I had long be 


captain. My сори 
had been with his 
ЖЕ. апа 


һе had barely made 
it past flight eng 
тест. What could be 


more natural than 
not 
to 


that he would 
want to adm 
me. of all peopl 
that he had never 
actually landed in 
ginaw 

It's been said that 
a pilots ego is ex- 
ceeded only by the 


size of his wrist 
watch. In this case, 
my copillors ego 


(ably abeued by my 
own complacency) 
almost killed us. 

. 

In terms of take- 
offs and landings, 
Atlanta's Harısheld 
Airport is today the 


world's busiest. It is 
© Philip Mors tne. M) one of the best- 
Ж designed airports 
re in the world, and 
cigarette by FIC method. M is ideally suited 
10 deregulated hub- 

bub. 

The “rush how 


at Hartsfield begins about seven лм, Unt 
now, it’s been quiet. The sky looks like 
al. In another few minutes, the planes 
1 ning. For me. passing 
through, irs about an hour before flight 
time, 

How can I begin to describe this to you 
This business nowadays is so incredibly 
complicated. Take the people up in those 
ramp towers. There are about ten zillion 


179 


PLAYBOY 


180 


things that can go wrong at those airplane 
parking places—called aprons—they're 
looking at. You have hundreds of worker 
and literally millions of hardware pieces. 

Take a look around this tower. Over 
there, in the corner, there’ а monitor just 
for passenger loading. It has the names 
and locations of every booked passenger, 
plus their times of arrival and what flights 
they'll be departing on. At a desk next to 
that, there'll be a computer just for fuel de- 
liveries. The fuel for these planes has been 
banked in huge storage tanks. It’s snaked 
underground to the various gate areas, 
where its pumped up by truck and filtered 
to the airplane bodies. You have another 
worker who just deals with the baggage 
problems. When theres a late-arriving 
flight, he looks up all the connecting 
fights; he'll send a signal to the guys out in 
baggage and it will trigger an alert to 
watch out for certain baggage numbers. 

Sometimes, when I stand here and 
watch this activity and the computerized 
data and all the phone calls and keyboard 
antics, I thank my lucky stars that all Ста 
doing is flying this equipment. 

Here come the passengers. You have to 
worry about security check points. Their 
bags are going out to the baggage area. 
And here comes the fuel; it has to be care- 
fully monitored, and you have cargo to 
load, and you have livestock and post- 
office pallets. Whecls within wheels. And 
whats that? Thats а food truck down 
there. You look through: the windows and 
you have а truck—on а runway, damn it! 
Some apprentice is driving, and he hasn't 
seen a marker, and he’s out there on the 


runway, and we've gota 747 landing! Gim- 
me a break! 

And what's this? Weather info. They're 
reporting storm cells—lightning in Dela- 
ware—and there's a guy on to tell us there 
are a dozen more airplanes coming and 
they're all landing here because its the 
only ficld open to them. Wheels within 
wheels. It’s incredibly machinated. Heres 
security on the phone. They have a woman 
trying to board with a target pistol. She 
says its OK because she's going to a shoot- 
ers convention, and hows she going to 
shoot if she cant take her pistol with her? 
Pistol, indeed. And whats this from the 
ticketing department? (lell her to take that 
damn pistol. ....) They have a businessman 
there, and he has a quick change of sched- 
ule, and were supposed to pick out his bag, 
which is gray and says SAMSONITE On it. 

Lord in heaven, preserve us. It gives you 
ulcers just thinking about it. 

Fortunately, I don't have to worry about 
those ramp-tower problems. All I have to 
do is check in with my computer terminal. 
The computer keeps beeping and spitting 
out what looks like gibberish: 1184/10 RES 2 
ATL 11482 0648L-TUC 1535 0835L SHIP 411 H/B767/R 
ЕВЕТ ТҮРЕ ЕСМ FL 300 ROUTE AIX ны 
ATLJIA.VUZ.ARC..BUM..LBF.HIA.GEG..PHX. TUC 
ETES17 RAMP WT 268200 LWT 225653 PAYLOAD 
157/082000 TAXI 1605 TARGET GATE ARVL FUEL 
122 SCHEDULED GATE H05 

"That's my future talking. My computer 
is telling me that I'll be leaving from At- 
Таша at 6.48 am. local time. FU be flying tu 
исзоп, crossing various way points. ГИ 
have such and such а weight and ГИ have 
such and such а fuel consump 


“Look, Га be glad to wear one. По you know 
a drugstore that delivers?” 


The computations involved are incredi- 
bly complicated. They'll have taken into 
account all my fuel burns and wind condi- 
tions; they'll have me changing compass 
headings (what we call vectoring around), 
or going higher, or descending, and it will 
be figured with a precision I couldn't have 
duplicated by myself. The pilot signs the 
waiver and takes responsibility for the 
flight, but it's a whole corporation flying 
around up there. 

This increased sophistication has led to 
two distinct consequences. On the positive 
side, we've made flying so organized. We've 
got routers and schedulers and supervi- 
sors and meteorology departments; it's а 
pretty far cry from guys in flight jackets 
with white scarves Aying. But on the un- 
derside of that is a kind of Copernican 
trade-off. Homo sapiens (read the captain) 
has been shoved from the epicenter, He 
twirls around the system with a host of 
gray figures, getting less and less glory— 
and, on occasion, less moncy from it. 

“Pilot as overhead” has become an 
creasingly big issue nowadays. It has been 
spurred, in large part, by advances in tech- 
nology. “Why should we pay you so much 
money" ask our executives, “when all 
you're doing up there is reading dials and 
pushing computer buttons?" A pilot isn't 
paid for all those hours when nothing is 
happening up there—he’s paid for those 
seconds when suddenly there's a crisis соп- 
fronting him and no computer on earth 
can save him, or his passengers. 

In the early Seventies, on an approach 
into Denver, I encountered a force I 
couldnt explain. We were almost on the 
runway when suddenly we plunged; it was 
as ifsome hand had pulled a rug out from 
under us. “Whoa!” said my copilot. 1 
jammed up the throttles. Luckily for us, 
we were well into our landing flare by then. 
Just as the power came on, we made con- 
tact with the runway, As it worked out, we 
pulled a reasonably good landing out of it. 

Other pilots havent been so lucky. There 
was a 727 that hit the ground in New Or- 
leans. There was an Allegheny jet that fell 
to earth in Philadelphia. There а Unit 
ed on take-off that suddenly dropped and 
hit а radio antenna. What they all had in 
common was a phenomenon called mi- 
croburst. 

The most analyzed с 
covery of microbursts ha 
gust 2, 1985. when. L-1011 made а 
fatal attempt to land. . What Га 
like to do now is Ну that landing with you, 
just the way those crewmen did. The only 
difference is, you'll walk away from it. 

. 

In the training hangars of every major 
airline, giant white capsules known as sim- 
ulators are hunched up on arms that look 
like the pods on a lunar module. These 
computer-driven cockpits cost $10,000,000 
to $12,000,000. Their effectiveness is such 
that they've become the sole means of pilot 
training. When you get on an airplane 
nowadays, it's a very good bet that your 


sh since the dis- 
ppened on Au- 


juniormost pilot will have had nothing oth- flight attendants. They were vectored for approach. 
er than simulator training. Most of the flight had been uneventful. There was a Learjet ahead of them. The 

When a plane goes down, the investiga- In fact, they had joked about that as they — plane in front of that was an American 797 
tors pull the data out of the flight began their descent pattern. “Another ex- “The controller asked the American pilot if 


recorde rlines feed them into their citing day in the life,” one of them chuck- he could see the airport yet. His reply: “Ав 
simulators, Because the doomed flight to led soon as we break outof this rain shower we 
Dallas carried extremely sophisticated Reading from these comments has а will" 

recorde suring 42 parameters to very strange effect on me. The speakers — According to the files, it was now 6:03 
the microsecond— вм A warning horn 
the capsule can cre sounded, saying 
te а harrowing thatthey had pulled 
facsimile of the real back their engine 


crash. power. They were 
When you enter а traveling at a speed 


simulator for an of about 180 knots. 
121011, you find that They were converg- 
й looks exactly li img on the radar 
an airplane cockpit. beams that were 


The only real differ guiding them home. 
ence is that you can't They were less than 


e 
sce any daylight out five miles from 
there. The wind- touchdown. 
sercen is black, like a As we bring our 
televisión set with planc" down, we 
the picture turned е see the landscape 


ой. adjust itself. The 

Ву pushing some More Пауог than you ever thought possible runway grows dos- 
buttons, you can in a cigarette with so little tar. сг. Мете able to 
bring up an “air make out the light- 
port” 1 you push Enriched Flavor" ultra low tar. Í A solution with Merit. ing details. The field 
the onare button, keeps enlarging ju: 
you'll see the skyline === nad as it would if we 
of Chicago, and it were a real planc 
will look exactly as а MERIT landing, We see 
pilot sees it. When шісі; | Henz and Avis 
you'll see four run- and taxicabs on the 

aring at you. ground. 

The опе were ар- omm. Now is 6:03:03. 


proaching—from The plane gets а 
р к 


k 

the north—is 17L; ы = message from the 

its on the far left. approach center: 
pp 


The forecast оп “Delta one ninct 


the evening of Au. one, reduce your 
gust second was any- speed to one sixty" 
thing but ominous. Be glad to,” they 
The National say. They've still got 
Weather Service was that Learjet ahead 
predicting a “slight of them. Is a typical 
chance" of thunder- tight schedule, and 
storms. There were they have to slow to 
no sigmets (бің- maintain air separa 
nificant meteorolog- tion. 

ical conditions) 603.1: Now they're 
issued. locked on the "loc 


The captain of 
the flight was one 
Edward N. Connors. 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking | "Nimm izer beam Thisis a 
By Pregnant Women May Result in Fetal Kings:5 ng "tar" parabolic beam 


thats sent to planes 


He vas what we call Injury, Premature Birth, And Low Birth Weight. ОЕ Жош die way 
‘а good stick”: а 30- threshold. Stay on 

ar veteran with that beam and you'll 
30.000 hours of stay locked on your 


flying time and a clean safety record. The аге gone, but their voices live after them. Г glide slope. There's still nothing remark- 

man to his right was First Officer Rudy know of no other calling in which one of able happening. 

Price. Price was 42. He was a 15-year ve the requirements is to mount your own ваз: “We're get 

n. He I been flying an 1-ЮИ s death as a kind of mi ure theatrical — winds," says the controller. He remarks 

1981 production. As you read from these files, at thes а shower to the north of the 
These two men, along with their flight you want to shout—you want to warn them field somewhere. Oh, yeah—they can 

engineer, Nick Nassick, had taken off earli- somehow. But they always do the same see it. One of the crewmen even remarks 

er from Fort Lauderdale. They planned to thing. Their tragedy is engraved in the about tuft is moving in.” It looks like 

stop at Dallas, then go on to Los Angeles. files of the National Transportation Safety they're going to hit a few raindrops. 

They carried 152 passengers and eight Board. 643546: They're “handed off" to the ау 


ng some variable 


PLAYBOY 


182 


Шу, what this means 
that they're on their own hook now. 
ey're so close to the ground, there are 
structions for them. They're go- 
ng to put their wheels down, then they'll 
be directed to the gate. 

Flaps and gears checked. The American 
has landed. The Learjet is landing, Noth- 
ing strange is being reported to them. Ev- 
erything is happening just the way it’s 
supposed to happen. On the flight engi 
neer's panel, all the lights are twinkling 
greenly. 

6.03.58 The rain begins falling. The cap- 
in keeps the controller informed. “Delta 
one ninety-one, out here in the rain," Con- 
nors tells the controller. “Feels good," he 
зау: 

orm “Lightning coming out of that 
one 
"Where?" says nor 
“Right ahead of us,” Price tells him. 

Price is the onc flying. Connors is moni- 
toring him. He hast seen the lightning, 
probably because hes been studying the 
instrument panel. 

In the court trials. they would try to 
make a big deal of this. Here 
pilos flying straight into 
they'd argue, and they didn't abort. 
was an obvious case of пешін 
the attorne: 
Well, if youll allow me to speak in the 
Connors was 
е been doing— 
was mentally computing the dangers of. 
that lightning bol. Не was measuring 
those dangers against the data from his 
struments. and he was concluding, quite 
logically, that there 


confronting them. The airwaves w 
lent. Not so much as a bump had be 
ported. 

The mood of the crew was anyth 

tense at the time. In fact, the Hight engi 
neer decided to extract some dry humor 
from the situat Price, who 
was driving, Nassick was laughing and s 
ing: “You get good legs, don'ch 
5:05, the rain started pounding. 
05, they were at 1000-foot alti- 
tude. Price was still steering. Connors w 
monitoring him. They began to drop to- 
ward the runway markers 

In the next 30 seconds, all hell broke 
loose. 


gg but 


s 


. 
h a very 


Picture a hose wi rong nozzle 
pressure. You point it to the ground and 
turn on the water full Мам. Fhe water 
comes out and hits the ground like a bomb 
exploding. The spray goes all over. Like a 
starburst of water. 

That, simply put, is the principle of mi- 
горим. That such things even existed in 
the atmosphere was considered fantastical, 
They had never been recorded, so there 
was very little information about them. In 
fact, when meteorologist Dr. Ted Fujita 
published evidence of the phenom 
some of his colleagues laughed at hi 
Such imense downward air currents 
couldn't exist near the ground, they com- 
mented through the snickers. No more 
laughter was heard after an Eastern crash 
1 Kennedy, in 1975, that proved the devas- 
Lating effects of this rogue wind. 

Here's what takes place when a plane ei 
counters а microburst: First and foremost, 
the crew has no warning. The first thing 


"And remember, 
gentlemen, we here at Bowman and Howard make 
money the good old-fashioned way—fat Government contracts 
and massive cost overruns!” 


they'll see is a rise in air speed. The plane 
will seem to lift, even though they havent 
increased their engine powe 

So they cut back their power—then they 
enter a downdraft. The draft may be so 
narrow that it will elude airport wind п 
ters. This draft, plus the rain, will hit like a 
mallet. The plane will drop. H will get 
caught in a swirling motion, Within less 
than a second, the plane will exit the head 
wind and enter a tail wind—and that will 
of flying power 
12, Hight 191 was at about 900 
feet. That's when they were hit by а strong 
gust of head wind. Their air speed in- 
creased and they began to go high on thei 
glide slope. 

At 6:05:19, there was a warning from 
Connors. He told Pr “Watch your 
speed.” He could sense that they had trou- 
ble coming. Ahead, through the wind- 
screen, he could see а gray wall 
approaching. The coud burst open on top 
of them, 

At 6:05:20, they heard the sound of the 
rain. It was a veritable flood. They had no 
visibility. One second later, а comment 
from Connors: “You're gonna lose it all of a 
sudden.” And a moment later, “There itis.” 

Connors probably knew what w 
pening, he just didn't understand the in- 
tensity of it. He knew that their climb. 
would soon be followed by a fall-off and, 
inticipating that. he was reaching for the 
engine throttles. 

The next 30 seconds w 
least, memorable. Even when you experi- 
ence it in a simulator, you will not soon for 
get it. You can feel the cab bucking. You get 
violent, sharp rolling motion. Those gi 
ant lift arms are beginning to shake like a 
funhouse ride. 

Amazingly enough, Connors and his 
crew initially stayed on the glide path. 
Lightning and thunder exploded around 
them. Witnesses on the ground described 
a 


е, to say the 


the descentof a solid dark rain wall. Eve 
few feet away, they couldn't that an ai 
plane was caught in the storm. 

The flight deck was buffeted. The roar 
grew excruciating. Connors was scream- 
ing: “Push it up! Way up! 

Their angle of attack, which was 5.3 de- 
grees, went to 19 degrees. They were sail- 
ing in with their nose uptilied. 

The plane at that moment weighed 
324,800 pounds. B was 178 feet long and 
had а 155-foot wing span. Ima 
can, trying to ride such a bronco through 
two gale-force winds traveling in opposite 
directions. 

“Hang on to the [expletive] Thar was a 
cry from Connors. The engines were 
screaming. They had the throtdes pushed 
10 the fire wall. The plane was still slip- 
ping. They couldnt see the runway. The 
deck rolled and rocked. That was whe 
suddenly their stick started vibrating. 

Among the various safeguards that are 
built into airplanes, and which are also а 


part of these sophisticated simulators, are 
automatic “shakers” that will warn of a 
stall condition. When your control yoke 
starts shaking, it means that youre about 
to lose the lift that’s holding you off the 
ground. 

“Whoop... whoop... . Pull up!” 

Thats the Ground Proximity Warning 
System. Its а com- 
puterized voice that 
actually shouts at 
the flight-deck crew. 
Its Cassandralike 
wail tells you you're 
descending too fast. 
When that warning 
goes off, you must 
react instantancous- 
ly. 

On the ground at 
that moment, the 
world was going 
crazy. Motorists 
were stopping, They 
couldn't see the r 
іп front of them. 
Along highway 114, 
there was a 60-mile- 
-hour wind gust. 
Signs were uproot- 
ed. A fertilizer trail- 
er overturned. 

Connors worked 
hly He was 
lowering the nose 
Hf you're 
fighting а stall, you 
have to trv to get 
your air speed back. 
You push on the 
yoke. The nose be- 
gan lowering. From 
a D-degree up an- 
gle, it swung to an 
eight-degree down 
position. 

What was remark- 
able about this was 
that they almost 
pulled a miracle out 
of it. The majority 
of pilots would have 
bcen splattered 


acr the ground. 
by then. These guys 
were sul flying. SURGEON 


More than that, they 
were landing it 
Their wheels 
touched the earth 
at 6:05:52, lea 
а six-inch-deep 
pression behind them. But they were still a 
mile out from the runway and they had 
highway 1H in front of them. 

When the plane hit the ground, it was 
doing 169 knots. [t rose in the air, touched 
ad then flew forward. A Toyota was 
sing the hi; : A wing struck the 
car, sheeri 

The plane lurched toward the airfield. 

There was a cry from a crew member. 


ys iis roof and spilling fuel. 


There was a shout from a second crew 
member. 

A pair of white water tanks rose like 
specters. 

The last voice you hear 
troller’ 


“Delta, go 


is the con- 


vund.” 
. 


Моге 


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GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 


By Pregnant Women May Result in Fetal 
Injury, Premature Birth, And Low Birth Weight. 


Of the 163 people who were on that ай 
plane, 137 died. Twenty passengers, s 
in the back of the plane, unhooked their 
belts and scrambled out of the chaos. 

The men who were flying, of course, 
were not among them. The plane pierced a 
tank and Ed Connors and his crewme 
were instantaneously pulverized. All that 
remained were their voices on the Hight 
recorder. 


А 

[here have Deen several new develop- 

ents in the battle against microbursts. 

We've learned to deploy more wind meters 

and use Шеш with more sophistication, 

Some airports now are installing Doppler 

radar systems, which can scan greater dis- 

tances and give earlier warnings of wind 
anomalies 

As of 1990, all our 

planes will have on- 

board warning sys- 


tems. Theyll also 
provide the 
with püch-up guid- 


ance in order to ta 
full advantage 
the airplanes power 
and flight dynamics. 
We might never 
have had such sys- 
tems were it not for 
that. Delta accident. 
Tt was a high price to 
pay 

Although Um 
looking forward to 
developments 
in safety technology, 
1 don't think the en- 
gincers have all the 
answers. Too often, 
their approach is 
simply to eliminate 
the human factor. 
Thats dear enough; 
after all, we pilots 
are the dunces, 
arent we? It only 
makes sense to turn 
the plane into а 
robot. You can fly it 
1 а drone—use 
опе ot those Бохе 
with а control rod 
sticking out of it 

The only problem 
these planes 

like space 
ckets. We are not 


of 


new 


firing missiles into a 
black v We 
are transporting re- 


people through 
never-changing at- 
mosphere, and only 
a real living pilot 
can make the split- 
second decisions 
needed to sæ а 
plane home safely. 

Still, we airline professionals tend to be 


cath na- 


Morris Inc. 89 


pretty realistic about the lite-or-d 


ture of our duties. There's an old saying in 


our industry: When an air traveler dies, it 


nce whether hes going to 
en or hell, Either way—come on, vou 
know this—he has to change in Atlanta. 


El 


183 


JB over lunch. 


` J&B Scotch Whisky, Blended and bottled in Scotland by Justerini & Brooks, fine wine and spirit merchants since 1749. 
To send a gift of J&B anywhere in ithe UB. call 1-800-528-6148. Void where prohibited. 
JB Dlr Sach Wiki A Ak by Va, It by The Рос emo H La, NU D I. 


(ON: THE 


— VESTED 


he last time you wore a vest was back in the late 
Seventies, as part of a three-piece suit, right? Well, 
the vestis back and showing up as а decorative addi- 
tion to both tailored attire and sportswear. The look 


came to us from Europe last fall (you may remember that we 
featured vests in Up Close & Personal last October) and was 


AYBOY3 


SCENE 


INTEREST— — 


an instant hit. No, not all vests hug the body. Some are 
oversized and there's a variety of fabrics to choose from. But 
when you invest in a vest, think of its many purposes. The 
same vest can spark up a drab-looking suit, add a touch of 
sophistication to a blazer and trousers and look smart worn 
with a casual shirt and a pair of jeans. Go vest, young man! 


Clockwise from 12: Rayon vest with polka-dot pattem and shawl collar, by A.B.S. Men, $1B5. Bright striped silk dandy vest with six covered but- 
tons and silk lining, by Katharine Hamnett, $725. Silk paisley Jacquard-front and wool challis striped-back vest, by Gina Ferrigno, about $320. 
Gold washable silk knit cardigan vest with five-button front, by Men Go Silk, $160. Striped cotton vest with six-button front and striped cotton lin- 
ing, by WilliWear, $38. Viscose/cotton paisley-patterned windowpane vest with tortoise button closure, from Mondissimo by Mondo, $140. 


M 


Cas m 


GRAPEVINE 


Girls Ain't Nothing but Trouble... 


Rap DJ JAZZY JEFF & THE FRESH PRINCE with help from 
three friends. The single sold more than 100,000 copies 
and became the kickoff rap for He's the DJ, I'm the Rapper, 
the duo's double album. We caught them winning rap 
song and rap album of the year on the American Music 
‘Awards and they were jazzy and fresh. A hip-hop delight. 


Fit and Polish 


This incredible 
shape belongs to 
RACHEL MCLISH, 
four-time world- 
champion body- 
builder. lf this 
photo's too small, 
get the poster or 
watch her on the 
CBS special Woman 
of the 215t Century 
airing any minute. 
It’s about а wom- 
an’s commitment to 
aphysical life, Amen! 


© RON WOLFSON LF! 


Sneaking a Peek 
Unless you've been іп 
a coma, you recognize 

JON BON JOVI. The 
album went platinum 
and the New Jersey 

tourroared back into 
the US. after sell- 
out concerts іп 

Europe and Ja- 

pan, proving 
once and for all that 

predous metal can be 
found in New Jersey. 


Going Bananas 

BANANARAMA has been around long enough to have a 
greatest-hits album on the pop charts and to have made 
the Guinness Book of World Records as the most success- 
ful British girl group ever. Says Keren Woodward, “We're 
quite happy sharing the limelight with one another.” 


8 
H 


ЕСТИ 


RESERVE INC 


GPAULNATKNPH T 


© SIMON FOWLERAFI 


Born to 
Menace 

They mean no harm, 
really. They like to 
look upon the under- 
belly. They find it fun- 
ny. IGGY POP (left 
and JOEY RAMONE 
like each other а lot, 
100. Catch the Ra- 
mones’ new album 
and Iggy's Instinct. А 
wall of sounds. 


Polar Opposites 
Actress AVA CADELL has 
the bear down, all right, 
but she’s managed to get 
us all worked up. Ava has 
appeared in Not of This 
Earth and Master Demon 
on the big screen. Frankly, 
we'd rather look at this 
photo, even if it's only 

in black and white. 

You add the color! 


Pleased to Meet You 

DANNY WILSON (the name comes from a 
1952 Sinatra movie, not the band members) is 
a trio from Scotland, Its debut album, Meet 
Danny Wilson, was a hip mix of jazz, рор and 
big-band swing. A sec- 

ond album is in the 

works for this sum- 
mer. Meet them 
again. 


188 


FROM RUSSIA 
WITH LOVE 


In the spirit of glasnost 
comes Soviet chic in the 
form of a collection of 
"Eshirts emblazoned with 
artwork done by young 
Soviet artists. The guiding 
hand behind this is Joan- 
na Stingray, an American 
record producer who 
brought the double LP 
Red Wave to the U.S. back 
in 1986. Now she's into So- 
viet software that you can 
wear. Cotton T-shirts, such. 
as the Gorbachev-inspired 
опе by artist Gustav 
Gurianov shown here, 

go for $20 (short-sleeved) 
and $28 (long-sleeved) 
sent to CV/Red Wave 
T-shirts, 251 Park Avenue 
South, 12th Floor, New 
York 10010. (One fits 
all.) Or call 800-237-2671 
for more information on 
other artists. By the way, 
our model pictured here 
is named Natasha. A nice 
touch in international 
relations. 


STUCK ON THE STINGER 


‘The bad news is that the cute little Pontiac 50 
concept car. The good news is that while it i 


ег pictured above is only а 
production at this time, 


Ed Benson, Pontiac's director of market and product planning, believes 
that it сап De produced and that “a Stinger-type vehicle could represent a 
special sports vehicle in the mid-Nineties." Versatility is the key to Stinger's 
personality. With its glass body pancls in place, it eases on down the road 


like any vehicle. But with the panels removed, 
fun machine ready to take full advantage of 
brakes and superwide 


becomes an off-road 
all-wheel drive, antilock 
threc-liter, four-cylinder 


16-valve engine that delivers 170 horsepower. Keep your fingers crossed. 


TOYS FOR BIG BOYS 


Mint & Boxed, 110 High Street, Edgware, 
Middlesex, England HA87HE is the 
world’s largest market place for antique 
toys. Its stock totals more than 
$20,000,000 and contains some mighty 
rare playthings, including the circa-1905 
German car pictured below that's priced 
at about $4400. Mint & Boxed issues slick 
catalogs for ten dollars each, postpaid. 

Its overseas number from America is 
011-44-1-9522002—in case you can't wait. 


THE SOUND OF MONEY 


If you're seeking what surely must be the 
ultimate in stereo headphones, treat your 
golden ears to Sonys МОВ-В10 model, 
which, says Sony, “achieves the ideal bal- 
ance between acoustical performance and 
ergonomic comfort.” Inside the head- 
phones is а superthin biocellulose fiber; 
outside is Zelkova wood, which is 
lightweight yet rigid, affixed to ear pads 
made of matched sheepskin. The MDR- 
RIO offers other refinements for which you 
need a degree from Cal Tech to appreci- 
ate. The price: $4000. Now, that’s hi-fi 


BEARING DOWN ОМ 
CAR THIEVES 


From the outside of your car, 
there's no sign of an alarm— 
just a cuddly Teddy bear sitting 
on the back seat. But if an in- 
truder tries to enter, that cud- 
dly Teddy turns into Security 
Bear and fills the car with a 
110-decibel sound so intense 
that it's impossible to remain in 
the vehicle. Rabbit Systems of 
Santa Monica, California, is 
marketing Security Bear for 
$79.95, including a tether that 
anchors it in the car. At that 
price, Security Bear isa steal, 
but don't try anything funny. 


FUN IN THE SUN 


Seen from a distance, Fun Tanner looks like a big white melting 
gumdrop. But stretch out on it and you'll be atop a 7%-foot pad 
of water-cooled comfort. Fun Tanner is made of incredibly tough 
PVC vinyl: the white exterior reflects the sun's rays, thus keeping 
the 300 gallons of water inside consistently cool, ready for your 
sweaty bod. Fun Tanner sells for $89.95 from Dial Direct Response 
Marketing at 800-877-9939, extension 360. A word to the tanning- 
wise: Fun Tanner is meant to be used outdoors; it’s not a water bed 


DOWNWARD | 


TREND F қ 
Snuba, a shallow-watcr-divc N E 
system that “bridges the gap | BN 
between snorkeling and scuba { 


diving,” has just come ashore 
at beaches everywhere; and if 
you want to limit your under- 
water sight-seeing to a maxi- 
mum depth of 20 feet, it just 
may be for you. Priced about | 
$2000, Snuba includes ап | 
inflatable raft with a bottom 
viewing window, an air cylin- 
der (which holds an hour's sup- 
ply of air) and а 20-foot air 
line connected to a face mask. 
For complete info, write to 
Snuba, Inc., 419 Main Street, 
Suite 212, Placerville, Califor- 
nia 95667. Take the plunge! 


CREATING A SPLASH 


It isn't enough that the Vendex HeadStart III 
computer is relatively inexpensive ($2995) and 
easy to use, Along with each computer comes а 
large array of software, including Splash!, a pro- 
gram that enables you to paint on the screen with 
your choice of 256,000 colors, thus creating 
original visuals or displaying color photos that 
are as visually crisp as the originals. A call to 
800-882-1888 gets you the name of a dealer near 
you. Admit it; you always did think of yourself as 
an electronic Picasso. 


A SODA GROWS IN BROOKLYN 


Best Health Natural Gourmet Sodas are the only 
natural gourmet sodas still manufactured and 
bottled in New York—just as they were 50 years 
ago. Hey, you like cherry? They got cherry. Also 
chocolate, ginger ale, root beer, cream, lemon- 
lime, peach and raspberry, Seltzer and more. The 
taste is old-time fresh, as there’s no salt, preserva- 
tives, caffeine, coloring or additives in any of Best 
Health's 12-ounce bottles. Look for them in super- 
markets, gourmet delis and health-food stores. 


E LAI 1% 


v 


ple Filtered Carbonated Water, 


01988 [A ИК. 


189 


190 


МЕХТ МОМТН 


“А SLEEP AND А ҒОНСЕТТІМС”--ЕМТЕН THE ОҒҒ- 
CENTER WORLD ОҒ А GROUP ОҒ SCIENTISTS МНО 
ACCIDENTALLY ТАР INTO А DIRECT LINE TO THE DEAD 
AND FAMOUS. A TALE OF ALTERNATE REALITY BY ROB- 
ERT SILVERBERG 


“COMRADES IN ARMS”—IN THE AFTERMATH OF THE 
BRUTAL AFGHAN WAR, SOVIET VETERANS ARE SLOWLY 
HEALING THE EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL WOUNDS. 
VIETNAM VETS MEET WITH THESE “AFGHANTSI” ТО 
SHARE THEIR PAIN AND THEIR OWN PERSONAL BAT- 
TLES—A REPORT FROM THE RUSSIAN HOME FRONT BY 
THE ACCLAIMED AUTHOR LARRY HEINEMANN: 
“BURNING DESIRES”—PART FOUR WRAPS UP OUR 
SEX-IN-AMERICA OVERVIEW WITH A PEEK AT THE 
ADULT-FILM SEX WARS STARRING THE PRODUCERS OF 
PLAYFUL PORN—THE MITCHELL BROTHERS—AND 
THOSE “DOWN AND NASTY" DARK BROTHERS. ALSO: 
AN INTERVIEW WITH MISSY, PORN'S FIRST REPUBLI- 
CAN SPOKESPERSON FOR SAFE SEX—BY STEVE CHAP- 
PLE AND DAVID TALBOT 

"BIMBO-RAMA"—THANKS TO SOME TRULY OUT- 
RAGEOUS B MOVIES, PLAYBOY BRINGS YOU A BEVY OF 
SEXY HOLLYWOOD STARLETS—WITH TEXT BY THAT 
INIMITABLE DRIVE-IN-MOVIE CRITIC, JOE BOB BRIGGS 


“BROADCAST NUDE"—IF YOU'RE THE KIND OF GUY 
WHO LIKES TO BE WELL INFORMED ABOUT NEWS- 
MAKING EVENTS, YOU WON'T WANT TO MISS OUR HUSH- 
HUSH PICTORIAL NEXT MONTH 


WILLIAM (STAR TREK) SHATNER GIVES US CAPTAIN 
KIRK'S GUIDE TO BREAKING THE ICE WITH OFF-PLANET 
BABES, DESCRIBES THE TELLTALE SIGNS OF A TRUE 
TREKKIE AND DETAILS A NUDE LOVE SCENE WITH 
ANGIE DICKINSON IN A COSMIC “20 QUESTIONS" 
“ТНЕ RETURN OF THE DESIGNING WOMAN"—NEW 
STRATEGIES FOR THE SUPERWOMAN WHO'S NOT TRY- 
ING TO HAVE IT ALL. AS WOMEN REASSESS THEIR 
PRIORITIES—FROM THE BOARD ROOM TO THE BED- 
НООМ--МЕМ MAY НАУЕ TO ADAPT ТО A NEW GRAND 
SCHEME—BY MARCIA COBURN 

“TEE TIME"—IN OUR SPECIAL TRIBUTE TO A POPULAR 
SPORT IN ITS THIRD BOOM, PROS AND CELEBS AD- 
DRESS THE SUBJECT OF GOLF, TAKE A FEW SWINGS AT 
SOME OF THE MYTHS AND TAKE YOU OUT OF THE 
ROUGH WITH NEW EQUIPMENT. ҒООООООООВЕ! 


PLUS: ON THE SCENE WITH MOTORCYCLE JACKETS, 
THE REVVED-UP LOOK IN FASHION; THE PERFECT 
TOILETRIES SET FOR THE MAN WHO TRAVELS IN STYLE; 
STATE-OF-THE-ART VIDEO-DISC PLAYERS; AND MORE 


SURGEON GENERALS WARNING: Smoking 
Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, 
Emphysema, And May Complicete Pregnancy. 


You used to hate it when һе told you what to do. 
Now sometimes you wish he would. 


What are you saving the Chivas for? ¿E 


To send a gift of Chivas Regal anywhere in the U.S.A., 
call 1-800-238-4373. Void where prohibited.