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ROSANNA ds THE PLAYBOY 
| OWN INTERVIEW: 
4e) RICKEY 


SS : 
THE NAVY j 
| ASA BABER 


| LEARNS 
| WHAT MEN 


| THINK ABOUT : 5 
| WOMEN P", b 

5 u 
II NS 


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PLAYBILL 


Lire sturrs in September ier ends and there's the first snap 
of fall in the air. A lot of us go from full-time play to full-time 
work. Transition is in the pages of Playboy this month, too. We're 
proud 10 bring you what we hear is the last in John Updike’s won- 
derful series of Harry “Rabbit” Angstrom books, Rabbit at Rest 
(to be published by Alfred A. эр, Ine., in the United States 
and by Andre Deutsch, Lid., in the United Kingdom). Our ex- 
cerpi, illustrated by Pat Andrea, puts Rabbit on the first tee, where, 
even with faulty vision, he sees a world full of possibility 

Three of our nonfiction pieces are by guys who made the tran- 
sition from editors (at Playboy, as chance would have it) to writers. 
Geoffrey Norman's picce, Captive Honor, is from his book Bouncing ОРОКЕ ANDREA 
Back (to be published by Houghton Mifflin), a riveting look into a 
POW camp called the PI ion in North Vietnam. Ilustrated 
by painter and muralist Richard lammarino, Captive Honor tells 
how captured US. officers maintained their sanity as their North 
Vietnamese captors tried everything from trickery to torture to 
win their cooperation. Craig Vetter, whom we've sent to do our 
thrilling dirty work many times, says he has now hit the wall 
bungee jumping. Vetter, in Rubber Jump, became a human yo-yo 
when he leaped from a bridge in the Sier he guys who ar 
ranged it were none other than the Kockelman brothers, whose 
bungee stunt in a Reebok commercial got pulled from TV. Seems 
viewers believed the brother in the Nikes had actually plunged to 
his death.) Laurence Gonzales had his own adventures hanging out 
with Charlie Sheen on the set of Navy SEALS, Hollywood's attempt 
atthe 1990 version of Top Gun, for the profile Charlie Sheen Goes 
to War. (Bruce Williamson reviews the movie on page 28.) 

Another sure sign of September is Gary Cole's annual preview 
of the pro-football season. Playboys Pro Football Forecast will not 
tackle the burning question of Mike Ditka's ratings on L.A. Law 
last spring; but it will assess the 49ers’ chances to do it again, In 
another important sports read, longtime contributor (and 
another former Playboy editor) Lawrence Linderman chats up the 
Oakland As chief thief of stolen bases, Rickey Henderson, in the 
Playboy Interview. For more prime- n, Contribut- 
ing Editor David Rensins 20 Questions asks Maury Povich about hi: 
plans to retire as host of A Current Affair, about tabloid TV and, 
of course, what Connie Chung is really like. 

We know you're thinking about September's photo opportu 
ties right about now: Well, hold on to your pages, guys. Bert Stern, 
one of our most eminent glamour and portrait photographers, 
took some stunning shots of actress Rosanna Arquette. Arquette 
couldnt be hotter—in he r film career, that is: She has a batch of 
new movicsand a TV n ries on the Custers in the works. Our 
other big photo splash is World Cup Women (photographed by By- 
ron Newman). We went to Italy, site of this summer's World Cup 
battles, rounded up H international beauties and entered them 
in Playboy's world Foosball championship. The idea was Playboy 
Netherlands Editor-in-Chief Jan Heemskerks; he and his Art Di 
rector, Piet van Oss, produced 

What do you need to kr before you start this feast for 
the eyes and the brain? Robert Scheers Reporter's Notebook tackles 
the s: mous grand Pooh-Bah, 
Charles H. Keating, Je, and The Playboy Forum takes a look at the 
National Obscenity Enforcement Unit (it sounds dire, and it is). 
And if you can't wait to catch the trends on the quad, don't miss 
important fashion feature Back to Campus. 

Sometimes, transitions produce perfect symmetry. Try this 
one: Our lead book review is a rave for Kurt Vonnegut's newest 
novel and (he illustration was done by Edie Vonnegut, Kurt's 
daughter And, spe g of perfect symmetry, September's 
Playmate. Kerri Kendall, could write chapter and verse. We've been 
telling you all along: Reading is fundamental 


TAMMARINO LINDERMAN 


ou 


Playboy (ISSN 0032-1478), September 1990, volum 
680 North Lake Shore Dr ago. Illinois 60611. Second cla 
Subscriptions: in the U.S ues. Postmaster: Send address A to Playboy, PO. Box 2007, H: 


tonal and regional editions, Playboy, 
‚dditional mailing offices. 
Iowa 51537-1007. 5 


€ Brooks, fine wine and spirit merghants since 1749. 
ill 1-800-528-6148. Void where prohibited: 


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E A S Y l D E R 


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PLAYBOY 


vol. 37, no. 9—september 1990 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 
PLAYBILL ........ PUT nenne _ 
DEAR PLAYBOY. ..... 13 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS c.i n mnn + ЧТ 
O DAN JENKINS 40 
MEN errar ASA BABER 41 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR ................ e è 43 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM _- e КҮҮНҮ NR 49 


REPORTER'S NOTEBOOK: OF SAVIORS AND LOANS—opinion ... ROBERT SCHEER 58 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: RICKEY HENDERSON—candid conversation. .............. 61 


RABBIT AT REST—fiction ......... JOHN UPDIKE 76 


WORLD CUP WOMEN—pictorial .......................- — Án me 
CAPTIVE HONOR—article. ............................. GEOFFREY NORMAN 88 
BACK TO CAMPUS—foshion isses HOLLIS WAYNE 92 
RUBBER JUMP—article ... ey rea an CRAIG VETTER. 9B 
ANIMAL ATTRACTION playboy's ploymate of the month ..................... 102 
PLAYBOY'S PARTY ЈОКЕЅ—һитог................ Peet heer arial te} 
CHARLIE SHEEN GOES TO WAR—playboy profile ........ LAURENCE GONZALES 116 
PLAYBOY'S PRO FOOTBALL FORECAST—sports ........... .....-, GARY COLE 120 
ROSANNA- pic! 126 
20 QUESTIONS: MAURY РОМІСН ....... nada ТАО 
PLAYBOY COLLECTION—modern living... 142 
后 173 


COVER STORY 
Baby, it's you! You know you've arrived when you've played a sultry Soho 
eccentric, General Custers wife and Gary Gilmore's lover, switched roles 


with Madonna ond had a hit sang written about you. Look far Rosanna à 

Arquette in a wet, wild (and spontaneous) Playboy pictorial ond in four hot 

new films. Kudos to photographer Greg Gorman of Gommo-Lioison for k A i » 
our cover, which we changed to show our Rabbit's heort-on for Rosanna. 

earann OFFER: полкот eeo nomian — ——— M PERRO on GRAPYNC MATERUL ALL CHTS IN LETTERS AND 
LOTS torona ano IN RARE Fon PUDDCAYI ako COMMENT PURPOSES ani HATENAL VILI E SUREE TO TUNBOY 3 UNES METEO RINT TO 


'ARVIDSON. BOSWICK, 
TRE MACAT BETWEEN PAGES 4. a WALL COPIES CALVIN FLEW SCENT SY BETWEEN PAGES 20°11 AND BNE UND CARO BETWEEN PAGES 37 33i ALL DOMESTIC COMES, BENETTON SCENT sir BETWEEN PAGES 29 
[nn ALL SUBSCRIPTION COPIES AND SELICTED NEWSSTAND COMES PRINTED IN USA. 


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PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor.in-chief 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
JONATHAN BLACK managing editor 
"TOM STAEBLER art director 
GARY COLE photography director 


EDITORIAL 
ARTICLES: JOHN REZEK editor; PETER MOORE 
senior editor; FICTION: ALICE R. TURNER editor; 
MODERN LIVING: DAVID STEVENS semior edi- 
tor; ED WALKER associate editor; FORUM: TERESA 
GroscH associate editor; WEST COAST: STEPHEN 
RANDALL editor: STAFF. GRETCHEN EDGREN senior 
editor; JAMES R. PETERSEN senior staff writer; BRUCE 
KLUGER, BARBARA NELLIS, KATE NOLAN. associate 
editors; JOHN LUSK traffic coordinator; FASHION: 
HOLLIS WAYNE editor; WENDY CRAY assistant editor 
CARTOONS: MICHELLE URRY editor; COPY: AR- 
LENE BOURAS editor; LAURIE ROGERS assistant edi 
lor; MARY ZION senior researcher; LEE BRAUER. 
IOLYN BROWNE, BARI NASH, REMA SMITH, DEBO 
RAH WEISS researchers; CONTRIBUTING EDI- 
TORS: ASA BADER. DENIS MOYLES, KEVIN COOK 
LAURENCE GONZALES, LAWRENCE GROBEL. CYNTHIA 
HEIMEL. WILLIAM J. HELMER, DAN JENKINS. WAL- 
TER LOWE. JR. D. KEITH NANO, REG POTTERTON, 
DAVID RENSIN. RICHARD RHODES, DAVID SHEFE DAVID 
STANDISH, MORGAN STRONG, BRUCE WILLIANSON 
(movies), SUSAN MARGOLIS WIN 


ART 
KERIG POPE managing director; CHET SUSKI. LEN 
WILLIS senior directors; BRUCE HANSEN, ERIC SHROF 
SHIRE associate directors; JOSEPH PACZEK assistant 
director; KRISTIN KORJENER junior director; ANN 
sti. senior keyline and paste-up artist; тил. BEN- 
WAY. AUL CHAN art assistants 


PHOTOGRAPHY 

MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; JEFF COHEN 
managing editor; LINDA KENNEY, JAMES LARSON 
MICHAEL ANN SULLIVAN associate editors; ITTY 
BEAUDET assistant rdilor; POMPEO POSAR senior 
staff photographer; STEVE CONWAY assistant photog- 
rapher; DAVID CHAN, RICHARD FEGLEY, ARNY 
FREYTAG, RICHARD IZUL DAVID MECEY, BYRON 
NEWNAN, STEPHEN WAYDA contributing photogra- 
phers; SHELLEE WELLS Stylist; STEVE Levitt color 
lab supervisor; юны coss business manager 


MICHAEL PERLIS publisher 
JAMES SPANFELLER associate publisher 


PRODUCTION 
JOHN MASTRO direclor; MARIA NANDIS manager; 
RITA JOHNSON assistant manager; JODY JUKGETO 
RICHARD QUARTAPOLI, CARRIE HOCKNEY assistants 


CIRCULATION 
BARBARA GUTMAN subscription circulation direc: 
for; ROBERT O'DONNELL retail marketing and sales 
director: STEVE M.COHEN communications director 


ADVERTISING 


JEFFREY D. MORGAN associate ad director; SALES 
DIRECTORS: ROBERT MCLEAN wesl Coast, STEVE 
MEISNER midwest, PAUL TURCOTTE new york 


READER SERVICE 
CYNTHIA LACEYSIKICH manager; LINDA STROM, 
MIKE OSTROWSKI correspondents 


ADMINISTRATIVE 
EILEEN KENT editorial services manager; MARCIA 
TERKONES rights & permissions administrator 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
CHRISTIE HEFNER chairman, chief executive officer 


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DEAR PLAYBOY 


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PLAYEDY MAGAZINE 
600 NORTH LAKE SHDRE DRIVE 
CHICAGO, ILLINDIS 60611 


“UNHOLY BUSINESS” 

Covenant House founder Bruce Ritter 
(Reporters Notebook, “Such Unholy Busi- 
ness,” by Robert Scheer, Playboy, June) is 
just another righteousness-monger who 
has run into trouble, Here in Canada, Ro- 
man Catholic priests from Newfoundland 
to British Columbia have been charged 
with sexual assault of young boys. 

Last year, public television telecast a ten- 
part series by John Bradshaw on deviance 
in the family. It made two memorable 
points: 

1. Emotions are energy If we dont 
let it out, that energy remains bottled up 
and often creates problems. 

2. You become what you hate. The con- 
tinuous dwelling on a subject that you 
scorn and resist, such as sex, creates ener- 
gy that, ıt repressed, finds expression 
through the route most programed into 
your mind. 


Ronald V Harrington 
Burlington, Ontario 
A recent study by Daniel Wegner, Ph.D., a 
psychologist at Trinity University in San An- 
tonio, and his colleagues, published by the 
American Psychological Associations Jour- 
nal of Personality and Social Psychology, 
indicates that the suppression of exciting 
emotions may stimulate the production of 
intrusive thoughts that become increasingly 
fascinating and ultimately irresistible. 


TWAIN ON ART CENSORS 

As right-wing religious zealots from 
ati to Chicago attack funding for 
the National Endowment for the Arts, we 
should recall Mark Twain's dim view of re- 
ligionists' moral sense of bodily modesty. 

“The convention miscalled modesty has 
standard, and cannot have one, because 
opposed to nature and reason, and is 
therefore an artificiality and subject to 
anybody's whim, anybody's diseased 
caprice,” he wrote in Letters from the Earth. 

‘Twain ridiculed the Adam and Eve myth 
in which Adam and Eve are made ashamed 
of their bodies. He noted that all people 
enter the world naked, unashamed and 
clean in mind: “They have entered it mod- 


est. They had to acquire immodesty and 
the soiled mind; there is no other way to 
A Christian mother's first duty is to 
soil her child's mind, and she does not neg- 
lect it.” 


Jim Senyszyn 
Naugatuck, Connecticut 


“ANATOMY OF A WITCH-HUNT“ 

When I received the June issue of 
Playboy, the first article I read was the Fo- 
rum Special Report concerning the Mc- 
Martin molestation case, “McMartin: 
Anatomy of a Witch-Hunt.” 

I live in the Los Angeles area and have 
g the case since 
It has certainly been a waste of time and 
money. The D.A. took many crazy state- 
ments made by the McMartin children, 
threw away those that were obviously a 
product of the children’s imaginations and 
kept those that seemed useful in the prose- 
cution of the case. 


Bernhardt Sandler 
Venice, California 


Thank you for “McMartin: Anatomy of 
a Witch-Hunt.” I am ashamed to admit 1 
was part of the public who had McMartin 
convicted before her trial. Having had my 
eyes opened by your article, I wrote to my 
local newspaper alerting its readers. 
Carol Jennison 
Modesto, California 


WHEN IN MEXICO . . 

In Mexico for Lovers, your June travel 
guide, you offer some adyice on how to 
deal with a Mexican policeman looking for 
a payoff. As a police officer for 13 years, I 
take strong exception to your advocating 
bribery. Mexico is notorious for underpay- 
ing its police officers. Some cops resort to 
supplementing their income by tapping 
tourists. However, rest assured that if you 
run into an honest cop (still in the majority 
down there) and try to buy his integrity 
with ten bucks, you will piss him off. If he 
had been inclined to stop and warn you 
about some minor infraction, he will now 
escort your arrogant gringo ass down to 


pes [que 


What does it 
take to be 
the world's best 
aerobic 
exerciser? 


It takes a total-body exerciser. 

A machine capable of exercising all 
the major muscle groups in your body, 
not simply your legs like treadmills 
exercise bikes and stairclimbers. 

It takes a cardiovascular 
exerciser. 

A machine that utilizes enough 
muscle mass to readily exercise your 
heart, not simply specific muscle groups 
like weight machines. 

It takes a weight-bearing 
exerciser. 

‘A machine that utilizes the standing 
position to exercise the joints and long 
bones of the skeleton, not simply a few 
muscle groups like sit-down exercisers. 


It takes a safe exerciser. 

A machine that can't damage your 
knees like stairclimbers, or your back 
like rowers, or throw you off like 
treadmills. 


It takes a stimulating exerciser. A 
machine that's exciting and recreational 
to use. Not monotonous and repetitive 
like so many other machines on the 
market, 


LI 
It takes a NordicTrack. 


Exercise machines don't get 
any better than this. 


Nordic]rack 


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the station to post bond. My suggestion: If 
you commit an offense, let the cop do the 
talking. If the stop is legit, go to the sta- 
tion, pay the fine, put the incident behind 
you and try to enjoy the balance of your 
vacation. 


Daniel wford 
Ashland, Wisconsin 


How could you have made those mis- 
takes in Spanish in your June issue—the 
one that came out right before my stu 
dents' final exams? You know these college 
kids—if it's in Playboy, it has to be true, 
right? 

Please publish these corrections pronto: 
Con tigo should be contigo; ¿Quanto cuesta 
esto?, ¿Cuánto cuesta esto?; me encatan, me 
encantan; otra cervesa, otra cerveza. 

Nancy Sochia 
Potsdam College 
Potsdam, New York 

Youre right, Nancy; we goofed. We did 
show our translations to a Spanish instructor 
al a respected university, who assured us we 
got it right. Can't trust anyone these days. 


RAVES FOR RENEÉ 
Just received my June issue and its great 
to sce that my choice for Playmate of the 
Year made it. What a beaut! Rencé Tenison 
has the loveliest eyes Гуе seen in years 
Les Gilbert 
Nelson, British Columbia 


It's great that Reneé Tenison is the first 
black Playmate of the Year. But she should 


INTERVIEW: GREAT 
TALK FROM TVS 
"ALKIEST SHOW, 


MICKEY ROURKE 
AND CARRE OTIS 
ARE OW FIRE IN 


get anc 


Madison, Wisconsin 


Your choice of Reneé Tenison has con 
pleted a triple-crown win for Africa 
American womanhood: Miss Americ 
ate of the Year: 
n descent. My 
wife is of African-American heritage. 


S.A. and now Play 


These young ladies’ victories will become 

important in our daughter's development 

as a self-assured, beautiful woman. 
Robert Webb 
Lafayette, Indiana 


Playmate of the Year Rencé Tenison is 
positively spectacular! She says that she 
couldn't get a date in high school, which 
leads me to believe that guys from Melba, 
Idaho, must be blind. I'm a white guy from 
a predominantly white town in Massachu- 
setts, and if Reneé had grown up here, 
she'd have had guys waiting in line to ask 
her out. 

Jack D: 
Hingham, Massachusetts 


n the Deep South, 
ly admire vou for selecting 
son as Playmate of the Year. 1 
am certain that many consider it a bold 
step to choose a black woman for this hon- 
or, but she is beautifully deserving. 

Barrett J. Day 

Mandeville, Louisiana 


ROCK'S ROOTS 

Thanks for your splendid article 
Playboys History of Jazz and Rock, Part 
One: The Devils Music in the June issue. 
Author John Sinclair has helped erase the 
line between jazz and rock. The public has 
no idea that these two musical styles come 
from the same roots, and sometimes it 


seems that we need to get back to those 
roots. With the music field advancing so 
rapidly; lets forget the differences and ju 
її wait for Part Т 
Michael Crutcher 

Lowell, Massachusetts 


CORY EVERSON IN THE SWIM 

Thanks for your swimsuit pictorial 
Swimwear 1990 (Playboy, June), featuring 
six-time Ms. Olympia Cory Everson. C 
has an incredible body and an eye for fash- 
ion. She's truly one of the most beautiful 
women in the world. 


Ernie Rupp 
Shawnee, Ki 


Cory Everson can kick sand in my face 
any time she wants. 


John L. Tweed 
‘Toms River, New Jersey 


WHAT'S IN A WORD? 

The etymology of the word pen 
even more interesting than you indicate 
your short review of Henry Petroskis The 
Pencil: A History of Design and Circum- 
stance in June's Playboy After Hours. The 
source of this word traces back to the Latin 
penes (within; in the possession or power 
of), which is the source of penetrate 

The Romans generally referred to the 
membrum virile as a gladius (sword); vagi- 
na is Latin for sheath. 

As one thing leads to another, we may as 


well consider the origin of the word vanil- 
la. Vanilla is the diminutive of vagina, or 
Tittle sheath, a reference to the shape of the 
vanilla bean. Vanilla, as is well known, is 
widely used to neutralize the bitter taste of 
chocolate, and chocolate has the same ef- 
fects on the human hormone system as sex. 
While on the subject of sex, orchids 
derive their name from the Greek orchis, 
or testicle, because their roots resemble a 
pair of balls. Orchid is, indeed, an appro- 
priate name for so romantic a flower. 
Richard E. Irby, Jr. 
Winterville, Georgia 
You must be hell to beat in Scrabble. 


“CASUAL SEX"? 

Cynthia Heimel seems amazed that "for 
men, love and sex are two separate things," 
as she writes in her June Women column, 
“The Terrors of Casual Sex.” I have news 
for her. Love is an emotion, an attribute of 
individual. Sex is an activity. Attributes 
and activities are fundamentally distinct 
modes of existence. Sometimes they occur 
at the same time, but love and sex are sepa- 
rate things. 


Paul Thiel 
Crescent Springs, Kentucky 


YO, ANXIETY 

In reference to “Yo, Consonants,” by 
Aaron Free: (Playboy After Hour 
June), I ide: ith Freeman's childhood 


ify 


; about being an edu 
k boy accused of 
anding of the black mid- 
1 by blacks and whites alike 
rbed me most of my life, though 
as 1 grow older, I do not experience the 
deep psychological humiliation that I felt 
as a child. I sense a genuine interest on 
Playboy's part in ch 
stereotypes that run rampant in our soci- 
ety. Thank you. 

Raphael Shaw 

Fort Washington, Maryland 


A RUBLE FOR RIBES 

Thanks for Contributing Editor Walter 
Lowe, Jr's, 20 Questions with Willy T. 
Ribbs (Playboy, June). Tve been following 
Ribbss career since he won the Star of To- 
morrow championship in England in 1977. 
L only wish that the rest of the American 
media would realize that color is only s 
сер and concentrate on Ribbss racing 
rather than on his race. 

Do I qualify to win a Wi 
ing Tiger fan dub Eshi 
the dub? 


Dan Ruble 

Cupertino, California 

Were sure the Flying Tiger fan club will 

welcome your membership and send you a 

T-shirt, Dan. Write to PO. Box 2802, 
Sunnyvale, California 94087. 


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PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


MODEL CITIZENS 


It was bound to happen. As part of “the 
new openness" between the United States 
and the Soviet Union, seven Soviet fashion 
models—four women and three men— 
have arrived for work in New York City 
The Idols International models are among 
a minuscule number of traveling Soviets— 
in addition to athletes and other perform- 
ers—permitted to cash in on US. capital- 
ism, but there's litle fear of an ideological 
invasion from this crowd. Idols’ head, 
August Schven, who elbowed out John 
Casablanca Elite agency and other big- 
gies for first dibs on the Russian recruits, 
has labored tirelessly (spending, by 
his estimate, $300.000 in the process) 
to rid his investments of any Communist 
leanings. 

Basically, we've reprogramed their way 
of thinking," says Sehven. “They had to 
learn that in America, you have to be bet- 
ter than somebod; 

Like a drill instructor hammering his 
weight lifters into Olympic champions, 
Sehven has had the gang bit the gym at 
daybreak. In the beginning, he mixed 
modeling work with a regimen of money- 
management seminars and private English 
tutorials. The models, who range in age 
from 20 to 23, share a Manhattan brown. 
stone and are made to observe a strict cur- 
few. “lts like being in the army" says 
Sehven. 

But just so the models don't get the idea 
that Ámerica is all work and no play, 
Sehven carts them to various publicity 
events at some ol New York's hottest hot 
spots. They've also hit the clubs. At one 
party we attended, Irina Danilina, a stun- 
ning 20-year-old blonde, heated up the 
dance floor at the Red Zone in а hip-to-hip 
sashay with a brand-new American friend. 
Wrapped in a belly-clinging black dress, 
she leaned intimately imo him as he 
pumped his pelvis to the beat of Pump С 
the Jam. Earlier, she had gazed his way 
with such smoldering intensity that the 
young man nearly fumbled his boule of 
Bud 

On the night the Soviet. government 
turned off oil supplies to Lithuania, 
Sehven's seven turned heads at Six Bond 


Street, where they first informally mod- 
eled a new brand of jeans and then min- 
gled with the locals 

The press, of course, follows them 
around, drooling, and the Soviets are 
proving very cooperative. During a recent 
interview with reporters, model Anya 
Chernysheva slung her arm luxuriously 
around one questioner and asked if he 
would like to see her portfolio. When she 
caught him ogling a photo of her bulging 
bosom, she asked coyly “See my breast- 
kies?” Glasnost lives. 


THE LOVEDOME 


As any baseball fan knows, theres m 
than onc way to score, and this scason, 
‘Toronto Blue Jays fans have been switching 
their attention from the playing field to the 
nearby SkyDome Hotel. With 70 rooms 
making up the north wall of the stadium, 
the hostelry provides occupants a perfect 
view of the 


ame below. It also provides the 
o when 


fans a clear view into the rooms, 


the play gets slow and hotel guests opt for 


Americas second favorite 
crowd rises as one to watch 
At least, that’s what happened during a 


pastime, the 


Seattle Mariners when fans with 
binoculars focused on a couple in the 
process of sliding into home. A previous 
highlight involved a man who wowed spec- 
tators with an outstanding solo effort. Ho- 
tcl management was quick to point out that 
the rooms do have curtains. The publicity 
generated by these antics has prompted. 
phone calls from as far away as Australia. 
Guess people are willing to travel a long 


way for an exhibition game. 


visit, 


CLASSICAL COMICS 


Faster than a speeding allegory, more 
powerful than a recurring motif, Classics 
Illustrated are back at a comics vendor near 
you. Back in 1075, Twin Circle Publishing 
discontinued the newsprint versions of fa- 
mous works of literature it had been issu- 
ing for decades. Now the immortal books 
you've always treasured (or long avoided) 
are being turned into slick graphic narra- 
tives, thanks to Berkeley/First Publishing. 
The new glossy editions feature the work 
of such cutting-edge comics as Bill 
Sienkiewicz, who takes on Moby Dick, and 
veteran. Playboy contributor Gahan Wil 
son, who has illustrated Poes The Raven 
and Other Poems. Other titles so far include 


Dickens’ Great Expectations, Hawthorne's 
The Scarlet Letter and Shakespeare's 
Hamlet. 


Highbrow readers seem to be the latest 
targets of comics publishers. DC is now 
marketing a comics series based on Wag- 
ners operatic Ring cycle. And Sienkiewicz 
is collaborating with Alan (Watchmen) 
Moore on a 19-issue series based on chaos 
theory, titled Big Numbers. Appropri 
its price is a big $5.50. 


ely, 


NEAT STREETS 


Lately, we've been thinking, How come 
every city doesn't have a pompous-sound- 
ing street? After all, New York has Avenue 
of the Americas and Los Angeles has Av- 
enue of the Stars. Naturally, wc have some 


suggestions: 
Atlantic 


City—Avenue of Appallingly 


xploding Mer- 


17 


RAW 


DATA 


[ SIGNIFICA, INSIGNIFICA, STATS AND FACTS | INSIGNIFICA, STATS AND FACTS 


Next thing I knew, 
mate, she had her 
dress off and was 
standing in front of 
me in her knickers. 
But I had the pres- 
cncc of mind to buzz 
my secretary That 
was the last time I saw 
any sheila [woman] on 
my own."—a diplo- 
mat at Australia’s Bei- 
jing embassy, where 
young Chinese are 
trying to bribe their 
vay out of China 


DEALS ON WHEELS 


Original purchase 
price of a 1941 
Cadillac convertible: 
$1645. Current value: 
$28,000 io $38,000. 

. 

Original price ofa 1941 Lincoln Con- 
tinental convertible: $1801. Current 
value: $36,000 to $62,000. 


. 
Original price of a 1942 Ford con- 
vertible: $1080. Current value: $16,000 
to $23,000. 
. 

Original priceofa 1965 Pontiac GTO 
convertible; $3093. Current value: 
$7500 to $11,000. 

. 

Original price of a 1968 Chevrolet 
Corvette 427-435 roadster: $6163. Cur- 
rent value: $40,000. 

б 

Original price of а 1970 Mustang, 
Mach 1 428 Cobra Jet: $3647 Current 
value: $16,000 to $24,000. 


OPENING REMARKS 


Shortest Inaugural Address: 
words, delivered by George Wash 
ton (original rough draft: 62 pages). 

Longest Inaugural Address: more 
than 9000 words, deli! а during a 
downpour by William Henry Harrison 
(who subsequently died of pneumonia). 


B 


FACT OF THE MONTH Dr. 


Median number of sexual 
partners a prostitute has in a 
lifetime, according to a survey 
of female prostitutes for The 
Journal of the American Medical . 
Association: 2900. 


MIGHTY MOUTHS 


Number of words 
Abraham Lincoln 
used to dedicate a bat- 
tlefield cemetery: 271, 
in his Gettysburg Ad- 
dress. 

+ 

Number of words 
‘Thomas Jefferson 
used to launch a na- 
tion: 1321, in the 
Declaration of Inde- 
pendence. 

+ 

Number of words 
Martin Luther 
King, Jr., used to spur 
on the civil rights 
movement: 1660, in 
his “I have a dream” 
speech. 


Number of words 
Richard M. Nixon 
used to defend his ethics and expendi- 
tures; 4704, in his “Checkers” speech. 


NO DOPE: 


Percentage of mai 
among Anerican high school seniors: 
in 1979, 37; in 1989, 17. 

б 
Percentage of users 
nong American college students: in 
1980, 34; in 1989, 16. 
. 

Percentage of cocaine users among 
American high school seniors: in 1986, 
6.2: in 1989, 2.8. 


. 

Percentage of cocaine users among 
American college students: in 1986, 7; 
in 1989, 9.8. 


. 
Percentage of Am 
seniors who have used crack in ul 
lifetime: in 1987, 54; in 1989, 47. 
. 


ican high school 
т 


ercentäge of America 
ors who have used cr 
n 1987, 3.9; in 1989, 3.1. 


n high school 


7 
" n the past 


yea 


Chicago—Avenue of the Unknown 
Voter 
Houston—Avenue of a Zillion Empty 
Offices 
Las Vegas 一 Avenue of Taste So Ap- 
palling That It Makes Atlantic City Look 
like Paris. 


Philadelphia—Avenue of the Big Stupid 


ancisco—Avenue of the Really 
Excellent Faul Line. 


Pedal-Steel Magnolias. 


Kennedy-Rose, the female country duo, 
was worried about opening for rockers 
Stanley rke and Stewart Copeland's 
Animal Logic. 

“Then we realized that all you have to do 
is scream ‘Fuck! on stage and everybody 
listens real nice,” explained the impish 
Maryann Kennedy. Actually, according to 
Pam Rose, the blonde, they've never quite 
known what to call their own music; Rose's 
percussive guitar work combines rhythm 
and lead, while Kennedy furiously attacks 
her mandolin, dulcimer and various 
drums. Together, they weave beautiful vo- 
cal harmonics out of their rich, soaring 
melodies. Think of two angels backed by 
John Cougar Mellencamp's band 

Whatever you call their music, Kennedy 
and Rose call their first album on Pangaea/ 
IRS Hai-Ku. But why, we asked, did they 
name it after a form of Zen poetry? 

“It’s not about no Zi ts Rose in 
her best fake Southern drawl. “It's about 
my С 

Kennedy adds, "Wahl, we jes' thought it 
was somethin the folks could all relate to, 
¢ in the summah, when yew get hot, 
yew got yer low-cool settin' on yer air con- 
ditioner and yer high-cuol.” 

We were almost afraid to ask how it was 
that ex-Policeman Sting had come to sign 
Kennedy-Rose to his new label. "We signed 
with his label because Е heard the unusu- 
al in us and loved it,” 'd Rose, 

“Actually” confided Kennedy, “he 
thought he was getting President Ken- 
nedys mother. Now hes stuck with us.” 
Ba-dump-bump. 


Challenge The Gods. 


APHRODITE 


Handcrafted in pure white 
bisque and rare black porcelain. 
Enriched with 24 karat gold. 


They were the gods of classical Greece and 
Rome. Now, they are re-created in the ultimate 
strategy ıe and the most magnificent chess 
set ever. THE CHESS SET OF THE GODS. Created by 
master sculptor Stuart Mark Feldman. Each 
Portrait sculpture enhanced by 24 karat gold 
banding. Thirty-two pieces poised on a custom- 
designed playing board of polished bonded 
marble а special blend of powdered marble 
and resin: 

A masterwork of beauty and craftsmanship. 
Priced at just $37.50 for each piece, payable on 
a convenient monthly basis. The chessboard 
with storage case comes at no additional charge. 
Jr's your chance to challenge the gods. Exclu- 
sively from The Franklin Mint. 


JUPITER 


The Chess Set of 
the Gods 


The polished bonded marble and 
hardwood-framed chessboard is shown far smaller 
than actual size of 2147 x 214^ 


Playing pieces above shown slightly smaller than actual size 
ps 


Please mail by September 30, 1990. 


The Franklin Mint 

Franklin Center, Pennsylvania 19091 

Please enter my order for THE CHESS SET OF THE 
GODS, consisting of 32 sculptured playing pieces in 
pure white bisque and rare black porcelain, ac- 
certed and banded in 24 karat gold. 

I need send ro money now. I will receive two 
imported playing pieces every other month and will 
be billed for just one piece at a time— $37.50" 
per month —beginning prior to my first shipment 
The custom-designed chessboard with storage case 
is mine at no additional charge. 


"Pos my stale sales tax and 
5150 per less piece for shipping and handing. 


E 
ш ORDERS ARE JIT TO ACCEPTANCE 


SS 
PESEPRIN авах 
ADDRES 


COMSAT 


EA 11891-16 


By STEPHEN RANDALL 


Tr тоок a man with an angelic name, two 
hoop earrings and a highly developed 
sense of rage to create the first controver- 
sial media trend of the Nineties. When 
Malcolm Forbes died, Michelangelo Signo- 
rile, the features editor of a gay news 
magazine called OutWeek, published in 
New York City, wrote a cover story titled 
“The Secret Gay Life of Malcolm Forbes." 
It wasn't news, exactly. Forbes was hardly 
an anonymous figure in. New York—any 
world-famous 70-year-old billionaire who 
haunted gay clubs on a motorcycle was 
bound to be noticed. Gossip stuck to 
Forbes like Velero, but it remained gossip. 
While journalists may get feisty about the 
sex lives of the rich and famous (Donald 
‘Trump, meet Gary Hart), the press is 
unusually polite when it comes to homo- 
sexuality. Even in the gay press, there has 
been an understanding that famous gays 
could hang out in the closet as long as they 
wanted, provided they didn't literally force 
coverage by getting busted on sex charges 
or dying of AIDS. 

But Signorile is much too angry to be 
polite. And he has a political agenda 
“We're saying homosexuality is natural; it's 
normal. Why is covering Roscanne Barrs 
hoozing husband or Donald Trump's ex- 
tramarital affair OK, but homosexuality is 
so horrible we should hide it? How can we 
ever convince the public that homosexual 
ty is normal unles he public who 
is gay?" 

Indeed, Signorile is brimming with 
good intentions. On Т! he phone, 
he comes across as sort of a male Helen 
Gurley Brown—he only wants to help, he 


we sho 


says. Like Cosmopolitan's 
lonely single women. he sees little gay 
mouseburgers everywhere. Lost gays, 


lonely gays, gays who need role models— 
they're all facing a hostile world of homo- 
phobes and mendacity and Signorile can 
help them. Really. he can. 

There's a catch, unfortunately. In order 
to make the world a better place for homo- 
sexuals—certainly a worthy enough 
cause—you might think that Signorile 
would attack gay bashers or celebrate suc- 
cessful gay role models. But no. He is using 
a new approach called outing— 


from the closet if they don't meet his rigor- 
ous standards for correct behavior. In 
weekly column, he 


and then chided him for hypocı 
he married a woman. He terrorized a not- 
ed gossip columnist several times. Why? 
Shes a lesbian, he says, and yet she allows 
Forbes—10 pre- 
her newspaper 
them romantically with 
izabeth Taylor. 


tend. they're su 
column by link; 
women—such as El 


Is it “in” to be forced out? 


‘Outing” comes out 
of the closet and 
into the press. 


Take a recent Signorile column: In 
attacks—and attacks actually a 
word herc—a supposedly gay Holly 
mogul for his role in promoting a couple of 
Signoriles least favorite stars: “T 
self-hating man of power and privilege 
who spends his day literally making 
millions and then pumping those millions 
to homophobes like Guns n’ Roses and 
Andrew Dice Clay so he can net even more 
millions while they spew venom on hisown 
people.” When Signorile gets really angry, 
he uses all caps: "YOU PIG. WE DEMAND 
YOU IMMEDIATELY STAND UP FOR 
YOURSELF AND THIS COMMUNITY 
AND DENOUNCE AND DROP GUNS № 
ROSES.” In case anyone was missing the 
point, Signorile ran the man's office phone 
number three nes—twice in 
type—urging readers to call and protest. 

Signorile wants everyone in the media to 
ne names—to tell the truth, he 
and his actions are taken very seriously by 
the press. Put five of the best journalis 
minds at the same dinner table and they 
wont discuss Ihe 
‘They'll gossip about who's sleeping with 
whom. So when Signorile opened the 
floodgates with the Forbes article, journal- 
s felt as if they had just picked the right 
six numbers on a Lotto ticket. Irony! Gos- 
ip! Celebrities! Sex! A chance to ponder 
the media's role in the culture! Outing was 
a media feast. 
en the history of the gay movem 
how gays have traditionally banded togeth 
er to help and protect one anoth 


unavoidable. Gays have always argued 
sionately for the right to pr They 
want AIDS kept secret. and 
they want the Government to stay out of 
their bedrooms. 

As sometimes happens, by doing the 
wrong thing, Signorile raised the right is- 
sues. He forced the press to mull just how 
far it should delve into private sex acts 
done by public people. The answer, of 
course, is not very far—unless there's an 
important reason. Outing a secretly gay 
|, for instance, who votes for anti- 
gay lation makes sense. If Warren 
Beauy—to cite an unlikely example— 
cheerfully announced on the Today show 
that he was gay and was planning to set up 
housekeeping with Jack Nicholson, its a 
safe bet that the media would fall all over 
themselves covering it. But is it good jour- 
nalism to drag a fashion designer out of 
the closet against his will? Hardly. To sav- 
age an individual's privacy in order to 
achieve a wider acceptance of gays may 
well be burning down the condo to kill the 
termites. 

Irs doubtful that Signorile have 
much effect on mainstream media. But his 
legacy is already apparent at supermarket 
check-out lines. For years, the tabloids 
were surprisingly timid about homosexu- 
ality. fearful of offending their readers in 
Our Town, US.A. But when Newsweek and 
other magazines publicized outing, it gave 
the tabloids license to kill. 

How would you like to have your private 
life exposed next to a photo feature on 
Inga, the human magnet? In one National 
Enquirer classic (“1 WAS IMR. MOVIE STAR'S] GAY 
LOVER"), a well-known actor is supposedly 
lying in bed with his male lover while pon- 
dering marriage—sincerely, it would ap- 
pear—to Miss Sex Symbol, one of his 
widely publicized romantic entanglements. 
The lover, who sold the story to the Enquir- 
er lor a quick $40,000, confesses, “For the 
record, Гт as straight as an arrow. 1 like 
women.” He quotes Mr. Movie Star as say- 
ing, “I only have sex with women and 
straight men. I won't sleep with gays.” So 
much for gay pride, good role models and 
truth in j 


ignc urbed by the course 
his prodigal taking. “I think it’s 
fine,” he says. “Is too bad there are v 


tims. Thirty years ago, Ingrid Bergm: 
had to leave the country when she had a 
child out of wedlock. ‘Today, thats laugh- 
able. Twenty years from now, well think 
this was silly, too 


ve 20 years to figure out 
if hes right. "Outing is going to happen 
more and more,” says Signorile proudly 

“We wont 
agrees a writer for the Enquirer, calculat- 
‚tronomical newsstand sales. "At least 
not as long as there i 
the closet." 


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NELSON GEORGE 


тне TERN new jack swing describes the fu- 
sion of rhythm-and-blues and hip-hop 
popularized in the late Fighties by w 
producer “Teddy Riley. One Riley jack- 
swing hit, Keith Sweats / Want Her, made 
S I Streeter, famous. But 
‘produced and 
what crowned his plat 


inest albums of the past dec: 
smart, exp al style—soulful 
without mimicking the great soul voie 
the past—helped put him across. 

On PH Give All My Love to You (Elektra). 
Sweat mostly avoids new jack swing while 


writer. The ballads, 
well arranged and sung th 
Luther Vandross, except that Sweat has a 
rawer, more street-wise qu et 
of slow, sexy soul songs forms the core of 
this fine collection. One of them, Just One 
of Them Thangs, is a duct with Sweat and 
LeVert lead singer Gerald Levert that 
shrewdly contrasts the latter's Gospel- 
based style with Sweat's more urbane ap- 
proach. And the title song will surely be 
considered a classic one day, both for 
Sweats emotive performance and 
along hook that lingers in the mind. 


re so 
evoke 


CHARLES M. YOUNG 


Even while Madonna seems endlessly 10 
domi the gossip columns, she has 
managed to focus most of her astounding 
energy where it has counted—on her art. 
I'm Breathless: Music from and Inspired by the 
Film Dick Tracy (Sire/Warner Bros.) proves 
for ng doubters just how ex- 
. Except for the dance 


spotlight. She concentrates. on being 
the character Breathless Mahoney from 
the movie, an exercise in pure fun and 
caricature. The role of shameless, glam- 
ourous vamp fits her as tightly as the dress 
her breasts falling out of on the back 
cover. She has an unerring instinct for go- 
ing just far enough to discombobulate but 
not quite enough to get stickered by one 
of those new warning labels—despite the 
tune Hanky Panky, about the joys of get- 
ting tied up and spanked. 

On Billy Idol's last non-greatest-hits al- 
bum, Whiplash Smile, he seemed obsessed 
with Elvis Presley On Charmed Life 
(Chrysalis), he seems obsessed with Jim 
Morrison, and not just because he covers 
LA. Woman. Um guessing Morrison is 
whispering in Idols ear from beyond the 
grave, “Anyone who truly loves rock and 
roll would never sing one of those 


of 


‘Sweat: Not doing the jack-swing thing. 


Pop go Keith Sweat, Madonna, 
Jack DeJohnette and 
even a griot from Mali 


ds that 
Headbangers Ball. 
I you sing slow, make it eerie. Think about 
mortality and you won't be a hambone.” 
And so it is the slow stuff —Prodigal Blues, 
Mark of Caine and Endless Slecp—colored 
by the cosmic lines of Idol's latest g 
wizard, Mark Younger-Smith, that stuns. 
The fast stuff aint bad, either, but w 
ways knew Billy yowled with lust and 
defiance. Now we 
metaphysical distress. 


VIC GARBARINI 


mer Jack DeJohneuc’s Porallel 
Realities (MCA) is the jazz equivalent of a 
wolf in sheep's clothing. DeJohneute has 
enlisted Herbie Hancock and Pat Metheny 
to create the first jazz supergroup with 
both commercial appeal and true depth, 
and Cy since—take your 
pick—the demise of Weather Report or 
Bitches Brew-era Miles Davis. De Johnettes 
tumbling percussion brilliance is high- 
lighted by his shifting accents, poly- 
rhythms and angular, melodic invention, 
both in his playing and in his writing. 
Hancock deftly follows DeJohnette’s con- 
tours and curves—and then suddenly a 
stonishing elegance and 
I force of these Miles 
toward. swinging 
from his more clichéed 
nd pastel chords. The 
f tuneful innovations and 


veis go 
Metheny ама 
designer scales 
result is plenty 


some dazzling, quicksilver solos, He's still 
often hamstrung by that muffled, limp 
tone that seems endemic to jazz guitar. But 
he’s a great player who's at his best when he 
takes risks such as this. Both jazz purists 
wary of a soft-core sellout and pop-jazz 
fans leery of getting lured in over thei 

heads should be pleasantly surpr 


DAVE MARSH 


Like every other continent, Africa offers 
an immensity of musical styles. Strangers 
snap up whatever catches their ear and call 
it African pop. But its important not to 
confuse a part with the whole. So all DU 

la o The River (World 
griot turns the 
Graceland approach inside out, effectively 
using Euro-American instruments such as 
saxophone, fiddle and harmonica, and 
(noncelebrity) musicians to make funda- 
mentally African sounds more accessible 
to Western cars. Despite this stratagem, 
however, Toure remains something of a 


г 


GUEST SHOT 


since THE debut LP “Talking Heads 
77 Talking Heads keyboardist Jerry 
Harrison has picked up both producer 
and soloist credits, most recently on his 
own album, “Walk on Water" recorded 
with Casual Gods, But Harrison re- 
mains a fan at heart, Right now, hes 
hot for Faith No More. 
en though The Real Thing was 
d in 89, it's just hap- 
pening now. 105 rare to sec a record 
company give an album enough 
time to find its audience. This one's 
worth it. Faith No More truly does 
something unique: lt n 10 


a of gu 


but if the energy level doesnt rise 
and fall, it either exhausts or bores 
the listener eventually Faith No 
More uses verses to build ten 
and choruses to release it, while gui 
tar is used for rhythm and melod 
as on the title track. Give an 

sten to the strongest tracks: 
Ош of Nowhere, Epic, 
Thing and Underwater Love. Thi: 
a formidable efort.” 


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МАНЕ vawRN VAKIYS VALIZV 


FAST TRACKS 


OCK 


METER 


[| christgov | Gato | George: | Marsh || Young 


Beats Intemational | | | | 

Let Them Eat Bingo 9 6 8 5 z 

le A‏ و 

os CIT EA 

Keith Swect 

SESS | ls | > |. | 
Love to You 6 5 e 6 2. 

Ali Farka Toure | | | | | 

The River 8 7 7 8 8 


IDOL TEES OFF DEPARTMENT: Listen, we 
know golf's in. We also know rock stars 
have been showing up at celebrity golf 
tournaments. But Billy Idol? The guy 
who sneers for a living? Our golf spies 
say that Billy played in the L.A. Police 
riment celebrity tournament with 
like Telly Savalas and Chuck Norris. 
(My 
ing of casting 
his friend Beno in a movie about coun- 
try music, . . . Singer Dienne Reeves has a 
part in Robert De Niro’ Fear No Evil, 
playing a singer. . . . Look for a cameo 
by Tone-öc in the Gregory Hines/Danny 
Glover film A Rage in Harlem. . .. Direc- 
tor Alan Parker's next movie, The Com 
is about a white Irish rock 
group that does soul music American 
style. A movie bio of Gram Parsons is 
in the works. . . . Chris Isaak will appear 
in Jonathan Demme's Silence of the Lambs 
with Jodie Foster . . . Singer Patsy Kensit, 
who played Mel Gibson's girl in Lethal 
Weapon 2, is shooting an action thriller 
called Nameless. ick Ashford, Vanessa 
Williams and rapper Ice-T will be acting 
in New Jack City, a modern gangster 
film set in the Big Apple. . . . Check out 
Eric Burdon in a cameo role in Oliver 
Stone's Doors movie. 

NEWSBREAKS: The Band is reportedly 
working on new music for an October 
album. . . . Jon Bon Jovi is starting a 
record company called Underground 
and its first release will bc Bon Jovis 
own solo LP Richie Sambora and 
Aldo Nova will also record for Under- 
nd. In other new-record-com- 
ny news: Disney has gone into the 
biz with Hollywood Records. Its 
first release is the sound track to Steven. 
Spielberg Arachnophobia. Actorlpro- 
ducer Michael Dougles also has a new 
record company, Third Stone. . . . Bob 
Seger expects to be on the road this fall 


milmeni 


to support a new album coproduced by 
Don Was. . . . Paula Abdul has been writ- 
ing songs for her next album with the 
Family Stand, a hot Brooklyn trio. 

Check out Mental Wear, a new line of 
urban-style clothes that the trio Bell Biv 
Devoe has designed. . . . Our vote for a 
very tough act to follow: Paul Si 
working on his first album since 
land. Keep an eye out for other new LPs 
by INXS, Donna Summer, Crowded House, 
Megadeth, lone-L.öc, Mr. Mister and House 
of Lords. . . . Davy Jones (a.k.a. one of the 
Monkees) has made a TV pilot tenta- 
tively called Baby Boomers. Ihe syndi- 
cated show will take viewers on a trip 
through the Fifties and Sixties. 
Some movie theaters installed CD 
sound quality this past summer and 
more will be offering the improved 


sound by the summer of 1991. .. . Earth 
Day update: A coalition. of artists, 
record execs and organizations is op- 


posing the CD long-box packagi 


ng as 


environmentally harmful and is calling 
the protest Ban the Box. For more info, 
write to Ban the Box, 12 E Alst 


Street, Suite 1600, New York 10017. 

There have always been movie and 
book tie-ins. This past summer, we 
album and book ticin when 
m released the New Kids on the 


got to hand it to the handlers, the New 
their own bank on 


ing to Dewayne Readus in Springfield, Il- 
linois, who has just such a station in 
spite of grumbling fi 
lus has made a home video telling 
you how to do it yourself: 333 North 
12th Street, Springfield, Illinois 62702. 
BARA NEL 


rustic, playing Jimmy Reed to his country- 
man Salif Keita's B. B. King. 

Toures similarity to Reed is more exact 
and deliberate than it is to Paul Simon 
that his guitar playing has been heavily 
influenced by Reed and John Lee Hooker. 
Maybe what makes me like The River so 
much is that it's the most original take on 
country blues I've heard in a couple of 
decades. Steve Williamson's sax turns Ai 
Bine into the best version of Baby, Please 
Dont Go lve heard since mid-Sixües 
garage rock. 

The comparison of loure and Simon 
still has it uses. Like Graceland, The River 
centers on a song about a metaphoric desti- 
i—in this case, the mou He 
gana—and, like Simon, Toure finds his 
material in the society around him, 
whether singing about social parasites, Ihe 
government, beautiful women or fighting 
off locusts. Translate these concerns to the 
cocktail-party chitchat of Manhattan's Up- 
per West Side and you have Simon's recent 
material exactly. 

So there's no reason not to rush out and 
pick up The River, except that your local 
record shop may not have it. If that’s the 
case, try Stern's Music, 500 Broadway, New 
York 10012, a branch of Stern's African 
Music Centre in London. 


ROBERT CHRISTGAU 


Unlike most of the two-year wonders 
who achieve instant renown in the United 
Kingdom while scarcely denting college 
radio here, the Housemartins deserved 
better. On the surface, they were one 
more feckless, jangling pop band. But 
with dulcet-voiced Paul Heatons intense 
Iyrics—worthy of a bomb-throwing skin- 
head—against guitarist Stan Cullimores 
uncommonly fetching tunes, they packed a 
wicked aftershock. Even so, their 1988 
breakup seemed to be the end of them. 

But now come two terrific spin-off 
bums by Housemartins personnel. Wel- 
come to the Beautiful South (Elekura) is the 
onc that sounds like the Housemartins, ex- 
cept that iis surface is even morc feckless 
and dulce: Drummer turned vocalist 
Dave Hemmingway trades sugar lumps 
with Heaton, the political edge is gone and 
keyboards cut into the jangle that new gui- 
tarist David Rothe isn't much 
anyway Keep listening, though, and 
Rotheray's melodies start to sink in. 

In one respect, former Housemartins 
bassist Norman Cook is less complex: 
Beats International's Let Them Eat Bingo 
өс means to be as happy as it 


his band disbanded, Cook has created the 
mis that record lovers dream about—with 
bits of Afro-pop, Delta blues, disco, folk 
strum and every kind of pop-funk hybrid 
segued together into a universal dance 
music. The only people immune to music 
this universal are copyright lawyers. 


FIRST CLASS 
UPGRADE. 


Sony introduces the world's first car CD Player with a built-in 


4-channel amplifier. So you can upgrade without reservations. А 


Now you can get the expansive sound of Compact Disc in your dash without nm 
getting an expensive add-on amplifier. Simply replace your old in-dash radio with the 
Sony CDX-7540—and you'll be travelling in luxury. This single, affordable package has 
everything you need: AM, FM, power for four speakers, and the first-class fidelity of Compact Disc. 
Of course, the CDX-7540 incorporates all the CD technology youd expect from the company that invented 
Compact Disc. Sony's 8x oversampling digital filter and dual D/A converters play your music with a clarity that 
economy-closs car stereo simply can't match. The CDX-7540 is also flexible enough to drive anything from simple 
two- or four-speaker setups to high-flying multi-amp systems. And to keep your sound safe and sound, there's 
even a slide-out version: the (DX-7580. 
So if concerns about price, security, or installation have kept you from 
upgrading your саг sound, experience the Sony CDX-7540 or 7580 CD Players. SONY 


You may well forget your reservations. THE LEADER IN DIGITAL AUDIO” 


© Copyright 1990. Sony Corpuoton ol Amen. All офиз reserved. Sony od Ihe Leader in Digital Audio cre modemerks of Seny. 


A Western original 


wears a Western 0 : 


MOVIES 


By BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


ONLY ONE American GI was ever convicted 
and hanged by British civil authorities 
during World War Two. That wartime 
case, a headline sensation back in 1944, is 
recapped with some verve in Chicago Joe 
end the Showgirl (New Line). Although a 
legend on screen asserts that no names 
have been changed, no events altered, di- 
rector Bernard Rose (with a screenplay by 
David Yallop) appears to take quite a few 
liberties in this moody vintage blend of 
harsh reality and a shopgirls imagined 
dreams of glory Kiefer Sutherland and 
England's brash blonde Emily Lloyd por- 
tray the murderous soldier and the Cock- 
ney thrill seeker who call themselves, 
respecti icky and Georgina. They 
are models of amoral youth on the ram- 
page, he pretending to be a Chicago Mob- 
ster loyal to Al Capone, she claiming to be 
a future starlet. Their frenzied, six-day re- 
lationship results in thieving, senseless 
beatings and the brutal murder of a taxi 
driver, all in fun. Patsy Kensit plays the 
pleasant middle-class girl wooed by Ricky 
when he’s not practicing shock tactics with 
Georgina. Lloyd and Sutherland are a 
Bonnie and Clyde on the loose in London, 
without the same headlong cinematic style. 
Even su, Chicago Joe is a chilling picture 
that would be foolish to invent. The 
detailed, awful truth compensates, in part, 
for the films lack of feeling. 14% 
. 

Guerrilla frogmen operating for the 
US. by sca, air and land are the go-get- 
ng good guys celebrated in Navy SEALS 
(Orion). This state-of-the-art saga of retri- 
bution also has a set of archenemies every- 
опе loves to hate: international terrorists 
hatching havoc in the Middle East with a 
stock of contraband guided missiles— 
American-made Stingers, at that. Michael 
hn plays the handsome, conscientious 
SEAL team leader, with devil-may-care 
charlie Sheen as his most reckless aide (sec 
Charlie Sheen Goes to War in this issue). 
Both are hunks who get high on danger, 
from underwater heroics to parachuting 
into the sea from an airplane roughly fiv 
miles up. This reali ion thriller 
makes the US. Armed Services look good, 
like a World War Two epic of yesteryear. 

"here's no time for nuances, though some 
relief from tension is 
Whalley- 
Lebanese descent. When she’s not tempt- 
ing Biehn or Sheen into extracurricular 
lust, she knows secrets that pave the way 
for a scorching finale in Beirut. ¥¥¥ 

. 

In an unabashed, entertaining parody 
of his Godfather role, Marlon Brando plays 
it for laughs opposite Matthew Broderick 
Brando is 


Showgirl (Lloyd), Joe (Sutherland). 


A Gl jerk, Navy hunks, 
vintage Brando, colorful 
comics and sequels galore. 


Carmine Sabatini, who hires a New York 
film school newcomer to pick up a giant 
lizard from Borneo at the airport. Broder- 
ick's right on as the befuddled innocent 
who is also supposed to marry the Mob- 
ster's daughter (Penelope Ann Miller). The 
mishmash plot concerns Brandos scam, a 
gourmet club serving endangered specie: 
as delicacies to big spenders. Maximilian 
Schell plays the chef. Bert Parks also ap- 
pears as himself. And Brando, drolly up- 
holding the notion of honor among 
thieves, deadpans at one point, “Every 
word I say is by definition a promise." Only 
writer-director Andrew Bergman could 
explain The Freshman, though he might 
not want to, lest he spoil an off beat comedy 
that defies description. If nothing else, 
Bergmans foolery is memorable for 
putting Marlon Brando on ice skates. ¥¥¥ 
. 

auy's wildly hyped Dick Tracy 
(Touchstone) is decidedly something to 
sec, if not always something to cheer. 
Filmed by cinematographer Vittorio 
Storaro in eye-popping primary colors, 
true to its source as a vintage Chester 
Gould comic strip, the movie is a flashy 
visual feast—fleshed out with music, decor 
and make-up so thick vou cant always tell 
whos playing whom. You'll spot Beatty, for 
sure, directing himself as Tracy, stalwart 
and strong-jawed, if not always as poker- 
faced funny as Ralph Byrd used to be 
when he played the same part in 1947! 
Dick Tiacy Meets Gruesome and a long line 
of movie and TV prequels. Tracy's nemesis 


Warren Bi 


here is a superb Al Pacino, doing a nigh- 
perfect spoof of an underworld czar 
called Big Boy Caprice. There are also nice 
stints by Charlie Korsmo as a character 
known just as Kid—something for the 
young uns—and Glenne Headly as Tracy's 
loyal Tess Trueheart. What everyone wants 
10 know, of course, is, What about. Ma- 
donna? Shes Breathless Mahoney, a torchy 
temptress, singing a few Stephen Sond- 
heim songs and virtually stopping the 
show every few minutes. Her contribution 
is less a real acting performance than a 
stagy appearance, costumed to kill, but she 
emphatically keeps her legend alive. This 
lavishly produced Tracy also has Dustin 
Hoffman, Mandy Patinkin and a host of 
other farceurs doing everyt 
power to make a routine cops-and-robbe 
plot loom far larger than life. Sometimes 
they succeed. ww 


There's more promise than polish in The 
Unbelievable Truth (Miramax). Hal Hartley's 
frst feature film as writer, director and ed- 
itor won deserved acclaim at the U.S. Film 
Festival in Park City, Utah, for its originali- 
ty as a black comedy full of small, cheerful 
surprises. There's lots of kinky humor in 
Hartley's talc of a Long Island lad (played 
by handsome newcomer Robert Burke) 
who returns to his home town after a pi 
on term. Convicted of killing his former 
girlfriend's father, Josh gets work as an 
auto mechanic for a local garage owner 
whose daughter Audry (Adrienne Shelly) 
finds him hard to resist. The smiuen girl 
sleeps with his crescent. wrench, oddly 
enough. Also, Audrys otherwise square, 
protective dad gallantly defends her bud- 
ding career as a nude model. "Things 
happen, remarks Josh, summing up 
Unbelievable Truths sometimes shrill but 
nevertheless. provocative view of every- 
thing from accidental murder to passion, 
parenthood and love at first sight. vv 

. 

Among the major summer movies still 
with us, sequels are all the rage. Bock to the 
Future Part Ш (Universal) is admittedly an 
effort by director Robert Zemeckis to 
"bring back the Western.” Cheery but still 
inferior to the stunning original, it was 
slapped together. with somewhat. fresher 
results from additional footage shot while 
making Back to the Future Part Il. The sec- 
ond seque! is set mostly in 1885 waaay out 
West, where Michael J. Fox as Marty McFly 
and Christopher Lloyd as Doc, the mad 
scientist, have a hell of a problem making 
their time-warped DeLorean look incon- 
spicuous. The best thing here is Mary 
Steenburgen as an uptight schoolmarm 
rediscovering her place in history. ya 

. 

Sheer idiocy is laid on that thick in Grem- 

lins 2: The New Batch (Warner). Phoebe 


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Cates and Zach Galligan repeat their roles 
as a nice young couple harried by hordes 
of hideous evil creatures. The movies 
most workable joke, worth a few yuks, 
concerns a New York mover and shaker 
named Daniel Clamp (John Glover) who, 
like a certain D. Trump, has a building 


Turturro pauses to talk. 


F CAMERA 


Alter a bout of cross-country tele- 
phone tag, busy John Turturro woke 
from a nap in his temporary West 
Coast digs to discuss why he has 
been named one of the hottest actors. 
extant (by consensus, and by Rolling 
Stone last May). Soon to be seen in 
Slate of Grace, Turturro flew west to 
play the title role in Barton Fink 
(“Tm a Broadway writer going to 
Hollywood back in the Thirties”) for 
the Coen brothers, Ethan and Joel. 
In the Coens' imminent gangland 
drama, Millers Crossing, he fires up 
the screen as a craven but cunning 
bookie who begs on his knees not to 
be shot. He first got noticed as а 
sleazy comic emcee in Desperately 
Seeking Susan, then as an ex-con i 
Five Corners and as nny Aiello's 
ist son in Do the Right Thing for 
Spike Lee. He's also in Мо" Better 
Blues and will be “one of the princi- 
pals” in Spikes upcoming Jungle 
Fever. Meanwhile, Turturro, 33, has 
played an updated Macbeth in a 
lled Men of Respect opposite 
wife, actress Katherine Borowit 
lso collaborating with Bra 
don Cole on a screenplay I want to 
direct called Mac—about a working 
man, sort of based on my own fa- 
ther.” Somewhere between gigs and 
a needed rest, the Queens-born New 
Yorker, who has appeared in more 
than 100 plays, plans to go back on 
stage in the Hitleresque title role of 
Bertolt Brechts The Resistible Rise of 
Arturo Ui. Turturro scoffs when any- 
one describes him as “an ethnic 
type” “I can’t help it if 1 dont hay 
pug nose. I don't want to be a mov 
icon. 1 just want to express my- 
self... Im ador." Not much 
doubt about that. 


a 


named after him. He also develops some 
interest in a gorgeous employee named 
Marla (Haviland Morris). The destr 
gremlins proliferate in Clamps high. 
with entirely predictable results that only a 
teny-bopper could love. YY 

D 

Blasting right along, Another 48 HRS. 
(Paramount) is director Walter Hill's hell- 
bent, trigger-happy sequel to the 1982 hit 
that launched Eddie Murphy's meteoric 
movie career. Reteamed with Nick Nolte, 
Murphy gets back to his roots playing a 
cocksure ex-jailbird who refuses to believe 
he has been marked for death by a drug 
lord on the police force. A quick survey 
of the faces down at headquarters might 
untangle the whole yarn in а hurry, but 
then there'd be no story, no sassy exchange 
between a couple of all-out pros who need 
Another 48 HRS. vo strut their stull. vv 

. 

After a slow start that may have you 
wondering who's who, the French subtitled 
ife Is a Long Quiet River (MK? U.S.A.) segues 
into sneaky social satire about what hap- 
pens to two babies switched at birth. To get 
even with a married doctor who has done 
her wrong, a resentful nurse changes the 
babies’ name tags. By the ume the truth is 
revealed, the boy, known as Momo (Benoit 
Magimel), has become a street-wise petty 
thief, raised in a rough neighborhood by 
the vulgar, roistering Groseille family. 
Their daughter, named Bernadette (Va- 
lerie Lalande) by the stuffy, middle-class 
Le Quesnoys, is a precocious girl who al- 
identity problem. The Le 
Quesnoys want both children, All the Gro- 
seilles want is money. All Momo wants is 
trouble, evidently: He lies, steals, spies on 
his new mom in her bath and initiates sex- 
ual hanky-panky between his Le Quesnoy 
older brother and his cheap, voluptuous 
former sister on the Groseille side. What 
director Etienne Chatiliez trying to say 
about heredity? Environment? Class con- 
sciousness? He says just enough to make 
his reputation abroad, which Long Quiet 
River seconds with ripples of earthy, 
tongue-in-cheek charm. ¥¥¥ 

е 

Our July cover girl, Sharon Stone, plays 
the worldly, bitchy beauty making life hell 
for Arnold Schwarzenegger in Total Recall 
(Tri-Star). Arnold's other love interest is 
Rachel Ticotin, an agent he encounters on 
Mars, where an evil bastard named Cc 
gen (Ronny Cox) is depriving a thickly 
populated seulement of oxygen. The de- 
tails dont matter, Dutch-born directo: 
Paul (RoboCop) Verhoeven mounts it all 
spectacular futur 1 fashion, cl 
; with Arnold play- 
inga inwashed he cant be sure 
of his own identity. Still, as one hustler sell- 
ing him on head trips in space puts it, “By 
the time the trip is over, you get the girl, 
kill the bad guys and save the entire 
planet.” For Schwarzenegger nuts, that: 
Total Recall in a nutshell. ¥¥¥ 


n 


MOVIE SCORE CARD 


capsule close-ups of current films 
by bruce williamson 


After Dark, My Sweet (Reviewed 8/90) A 
kidnap caper with Rachel Ward. vv 
Another 48 HRS. (Sce review) Murphy 
and Nolte with more than time on their 
hands. yyy 
Back to the Future Part Ш (See review) 
Wild, wild West time travel. wh 
The Big Bang (8/90) James Toback gets 
some talkers to let it all hang out. жз 
Chicago Joe and the Showgirl (Sec 
review) Both fakes, wielding lethal 
weapons. Wh 
The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover 
(4/90) Stylish restaurant raunch. ¥¥% 
Def by Temptation (8/90) Black brothers 
meet a bloodthirsty lady. x 

ick Tracy (See review) The comic hero 
comes colorfully to life on film. ww 
Fire Birds (Listed only) Grounded. — Y'A 
The Freshman (See review) Broderick's 


good, but Brando steals the show, ¥¥¥ 
Gremlins 2: The New 8atch (See review) 
They're back with a Trump card. YY 
Henry: Portrait of а Serial Killer (7/90) 
Harrowing stuff from first to last, ¥¥¥ 
How to Make Love to o Negro Without Get- 
ting Tired (8/90) White mischief. зу 
Jesus of Montreal (7/90) An actor take: 
his part to heart in a vivid, witty, semi- 
tragic Canadian satire. Wi 
The Killer (8/90) Film noir with an Orien- 
tal slant starring Mr. Yun-lat, yv 
life Is a Long Quiet River (See review) 
Switched babies with a French flair. ¥¥¥ 
longtime Companion (6/90) Best AIDS 
drama yet—worth upgrading. — vvv 
The Man Inside (8/90) Yellow journalism 
in Germany, with Jürgen vw 
May Fools (7/90) Louis Malle shows us 
how the upper crust takes a fall. ¥¥¥ 
Metropolitan (8/90) New York's college 
crowd doing what comes natural 
an elegant comedy ww 
The Misadventures of Mr. Wilt (8/90) A 
life-sized doll is his best bit. ¥ 
Monsieur Hire (6/90) Simenon suspense 
bearing a very smart French label. ¥¥¥ 
Navy SEALS (Scc review) Swimming to 
Beirut after Arab terrorists. wy 
RoboCop 2 (Listed only) Short on humor, 
long on ammo. Well wait for RC 3. vv 
Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! (7/90) 
black comedy about an abducted 
actress, by Spain's Almodóvar. yyy 
Total Recall (See review) Its Arnold 
flexing those muscles on Ma wy 
The Unbelievable Truth (See review) Not 
so credible, but different. w 
The Witches (7/00) Boys will be mice— 
when Anjelica Huston gets em. УУМ 
Without You lm Nothing (7/90) Not for ev- 
eryone, but Sandra Bernhard's odd 
comedy is a one-woman showpiece. ¥¥¥ 


WWW Outstanding 
Ws Don't miss YY Worth a look 


¥¥¥ Good show ¥ Forget it 


EB ا‎ RL Bes 


MISERY 


FROM COLUMBIA PICTURES 


Paula Abdul: Forever Alannah Myles (Atlantic) Billy Idol: Charmed Life Heart: Brigade Bruce Hornsby & The Hank Williams, Jr: Lone 


Your Girl (Virgin) 00853 30045 Chrysalis) 62200 (барио) 64305 Range: A Night On The Wolt (Warner Bios.) 64311 
Janet Jackson's Rhythm The B-52's: Cosmic Milli Vanilli: Girl You Taylor Dayne: Can't Town (RCA) 63689 Linda Ronstadt: Cry Like 
Nation 1814 (AEN) 72386 ‘Thing (Reprise) 14742 Know It's True Fight Fata U2: Rattle And Hum A Rainstorm, Howl Like 
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— (Warner Bros.) 53940 Holdin'Back (Capitol) 33963 (Getten) 42874 (ACA) 01027 
Best Of Eric Clapton: (Warner Bros.) 34766 The Dizzy Giliespi ZZ Top: Afterburner 
Time Pieces Quincy Jones: Beck [^ir le (Warmer Bros.) 64042 
(Polydor) 23385 OnTheBlcck (Pro Jazz) 44022 The Sound Of Music 
Kentucky Headhunters: (warmer Bros.) ams The Cure: Oisintegration Gun: Taking On The Soundtrack (RCA) 00046 
Pickin’ On Nashville Johnny Cosh: Boom (Elektra) 01109 World (AEN) 82473 TREE 
(Mercury) 24740 ChickaBoom Rod Stewarts Greatest Kiss: Hot In The Shade Loaded (Vertigo) 64121 
Whitney Houston: (Mercury) 4574 Hits (Warner Bros.) 33779 (Mercury) 53475 Decca Masters, 
Whitney (Arista) 52054 Tem Petty: Full Moon. Kenny Hogers: James Galway: Greatest Vol. 2 (MCA) 00605 
= is Fever (MCA) 33911 Something Inside So Hits (RCA) 73233 ‘The Doobie Brothers: 
= UM LE Dat пио (Reprise): ا‎ Kitaro: The Kojiki (Record Cycles (Capito) 73187 
a ‚uns N’ Roses: Appetite lark Hors Greatest Hits ¡cierit Maners) 
O prillan For Destruction E (Arista) 34424 (Geffen) 43758 
К 7) 70348 Traveling: : — psverofil At Carnegi 
ea (Coupes a ppm Vol. One (Wibury) 00; етет DISCS OR CASSETTES 
Clint Black: Kilo" Time Money For Nothin Roy Orbison: The Sun Richard Marx: Repeat PE 
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20 Collector's Records Of — GreatestHits Hits, Vol. 2(Capitcl) 33332 Classic Waylon (NCA) Buy just sma’ 
The 308 6 60s, Vol 1 (Trresholc) Задва Horowitz At Home E 
fca) TR Duran Duran: Decade (DG) 25211 Dave Grusin: Collection. 
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(EMI) онов. (Саро 73573 上 oe: 
Tanya Tucker: Tennessee The Gienn Miller Orch.: in. 0 
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Teenage Mutant Ninja (GR) а329з (Mercury) 70440 Soundtrack (HCA) 82522 
人 gi Ryder & R.EM.:Green Raffi in Concert. 
гой Wheels: Ем 
Jane Child Rev Up (Rhino) 64188 Ц er Bros.) 00715 (A&M) 54361 
(Warner Bros.) 60204 Willie Nelson: All Time Dolly Рап ia 
Alan Jackson: Here In Greatest Hits, Vol, 1 Ааа, ach omen 
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[esc ИЕ сүзл Merton) oot 
ison Phill » 
Wilson Phillips (SEK) are ت‎ e HERE’S HOW YOU SAVE! 
ا‎ ae (aan) 13924 Start With 4 Hits Now! Yes, start with any 
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ELA Exile: Still Standing еке You agree to buy just 1 more hit at regular Club 
(sta) 14861 сопре AM prices (usually $8.98-89.98 for tapes, $14.98 
ا‎ ONO OTSEN Duod, mu (Arista) 00667 $15.98 for CDs), and take up to one full year to 
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(Ап) 64505 Yes: Fragile (Es Paranza) 52122 zn ав a member in good standing, you can get 
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IE = Ein Jahn:  Sieeping [2nd Lm " Hits (MCA) 53849 first year of membership. Thats 8 smash hits for 
т Непот: ЕСЕ 2 (МС Tre Wina есы) eoozs Tommy Dorsey/Frank the price of 1 with nothing more to buy. „ever! 
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Broadway (Arista) 24805 Noung. Greatest Hits (So (АСА) 24462 each shipment.) 
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С) every three weeks. II will feature the Мат 
MSSIBMG Musc Service. 6550€ 30 St., Indanapolis IN 46219-1194 Selection in your favorite music category. plus 


TRADEMARKS USED IN THE ADV TARE THE PROPERTY OF VARIOUS TRADEMARK OWNERS. hundreds cf other hits 一 many at special bar- 


; 


8 


COMPACT DISCS 
OR CASSETTES 


FOR THE 
PRICE OF 


with nothing more to buy...ever! 


Fleetwood Mac: Behind 
TheWask 
(Warner Brothers) 43766 


Tommy Page: Paintings 
In My Mind (Siro) 60164. 


‘The London Quireboys: 


Stevie Nicks: The Other ABit О! What You Fancy 
Side O1 The Mirror (Capito) 14798 

(Modern) 70946 'Bon Javi Nu Jana 
Mötley Crüe: Dr (Mercury) 00516 
Feelgood (Elektra) 33928 

Enufl Z Nutt 

(ATCO) 64257 


Restless Heart: Fast 
Movin’ Train (RCA) 10802 
Alice Cooper: Prince Of 
Darkness (NCA) 63192 
Amy Grant The 

Collection (A&M) 44643 
Phil Collins: No Jacket 
Required (Allartic) 20771 
Expose: What You Don't 
Know (Arista) 00937 
Scorpions: Best O1 
Rockers ‘N: Ballads 


Lisa Stansfield: Affection 
(Arista) 34198 


Tanya Tucker: Greatest 
Hits (Capito!) 53968 


(Mercury) 63492 SEE 
Alabama: Greatest Hits les: Their Greatest 
(RCA) 20247 Нет 
пасте аи Эсен! Don Henley: The End of 
Rubbar Bands... ey: 

(Geien) 00789 ‘The Innocence 


(Gelen) 01064 
Eddie Rebbilt: Jersey 
Boy (Capitol) 24350 

The Judds Greatest Hits 
(RCA) 44578 

Slaughter: Stick N To Ya 
(Chrysalis) 42308 


Najos: Tokyo Blue (EM) 
44482 


Nell Diamond: The Jazz 
Singer (Capitor) 32877 
Prince: Batman/ 
Soundtrack 

(Warner Bros.) 60344 


Guns N Roses: GN'R 
Lies (Geffen) 00805 
They Might Be Giants: 
Flood (Elektra) 14772 


gain prices. In all. you'll have 19 convenient, 
shop-al-home opportunities a year And as a 
member in good standing, you need nol send 
money when you order... we'll bill you later. 

Is Easy To Get Your Favorite Hits! If you want 
the Main Selection, do nothing. It will be sent 

to you automatically. Ifyou want other hits, 

or none at all, just say so on the card always 
provided...and mail it back to us by the date 
specified. You'll always have at least 10 days to 
decide. But il you don, you may return your 
Main Selection al our expense. Cancel your 
membership by writing to us Whenever you wish 
upon completing your enrollment agreement. 
Or, remain a member and take advantage of 
future bargains. 

Free 10-Day Trial! Listen to your 4 introductory 
CDs or Cassettes for a full 10 days. If not satis- 
fied, return them with no further obligation. You 
risk nothing! So don't delay. Pick your hits, write 
their numbers on the coupon, and mail ittoday. 


Carty Simon: M Tracy Chapman: 

Romance (Arste) 24024 Croceroade 

Bobby Brown: (Elektra) 42496 

Кулу суш. Great While: Twice Sh 

Lor a o 

Ghostbusters Ш 

Soundtrack (MCA) 51964 ost] on el 

Metalica Master Ot (ACA) 33768 

Dolly Parton, Linda Медта: а A Prayer 

Ronstadt, Emmylou А 

Harris: nio Depeche Mode: Violator Ute Fes Prose 

(Warrer Bros) 14804 (Sre) 73408 Bonnie Raltt: Nick DI TheMambo —* 

The Church: Gold Testo; The Great Radio Time (Capitol) 5410 (Werner Brothers) 43785 
jornoon Fix ontrover: Fine Youno Cannibals: eS 

(rst Post (белел) dss The Raw And Те s ee 


Cruel, Crazy, Beautiful 
World (Captor) 44564 
Hank Williams, dr: 
Greatest Hits ll 
(Warner/Curb) 00840 
Desert Rose Band: 

в Of Life 


Cooked (IF. S ) 01068 
Tears For Fears: The 
SeedsO! Love 
(Fontana) 33653 

Pat Benatar: Best Shots 
(Chrysalis) 44319 


Dianne Reeves: Never 
Too Far (EMI) 44301 
Pretty Woman! 
Soundtrack (EMI) 24631 
Michelle (Ruthless) 40090 


Norrington: Beethoven, 
Symphony No. 9 (Choral) 
(Angel) 00467 

D.J. Jazzy Jett 8 The 
Fresh Prince: And In This 


Corner... (Jive) 01020 Lita Ford:Stiletto 


Tina Turner: Foreign (ACA) 63893 ey emis ore (MCA/Curb) 54585 

Ara (Сара) 22900 “ula Fordham: Porcoisin  Shoncells Anthology (АЧЫН 

TeBestorline WINS Pal Loria Concert in Central Bark 
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Irving Berlin: Always Slatkin: Classic Marches 2 

(Wert) 00808 (PCA) 00896 жашы 


Winger (Atlantic) 00830 


START SAVING NOW—MAIL TODAY! 


: BMG Music Service/P.O. Box 91001 Indianapolis, IN 46291 
YES, please accept my membership in the BMG Music Servico and send my first four selections as I 
have indicated here. under the terms of this offer. І need buy just one more hit at regular Club prices 
‚during the next year 一 atter which I can choose another album FREE! In addition, as a member in good 
standing, | can get 2 more selections FREE after completing my first year of membership. That's В lor the 
price of one... with nothing more to buy, ever! (A shipping handling charge is added to each shipment.) 

© SENDMY SELECTIONS ON (check oneony.[O COMPACTDISCS"" Г) CASSETTES 


Mail t 


Ө lemnostinterestedin the following type of music butlamalwaystreetochcosefrom any category 


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ip 1 О EASY LISTENING (instruments, Vocal Moods) 2 C] COUNTRY 
|| з О HARD ROCK 4 C POP/SOFT ROCK 5 O CLASSICAL 
| © RUSH ME THESE HITS NOW (indicate by number) 
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Mesas oi roe ddl orale ore ay agr: Ue nog rb 
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VIDEO 


X its no surprise that 
when Bill Gates—the 
bey-wonder С.Е.0. of 
the Microsoft computer 
corporation —began 
| collecting videos, he did 

it logically: "First, | 

bought every Best Pic- 

lure Oscar winner — 

there are only about three you can't get on tape. 
Г came across some incredible movies following 
that path, such as An American in Paris and All 
About Eve. Then the side paths pulled me along; 
for example, after | saw Roman Holiday —which 
got Audrey Hepburn her Oscar— bought all 
ol her other films." Gates guesstimates his vid 
haul to be 250-plus flicks, including “everything 
with Jimmy Stewart. Cary Grant and Robert 
Mitchum.” What you won't find in his collection 
are horror films (“They're not based on reality, 
so they don't increase ones understanding of 
anything") and —surprise! —computer movies. 
“Tron did some very good things with computers, 
but you'd grasp it only if you were familiar with 
them. Let's face it, computers don't have a big 
future as film stars. Basically, they just sit 
there.” — LARA FISSIKGER 


VIDEOLDIES 
antique gold for the vcr 


This month: the cliff-hanger serials. 

Adventures of Captain Marvel: A secret 
tomb, an ancient curse, alchemy, greed, a 
ative uprising, the British army . . . th. 
ode. Familiar faces por 
n which Capt 
Marvel battles the evil Scorpion to secure 
the return of a magic idol. Shazam! 

G-Men vs. the Black Dragon: Arson on the 
open sca. Wa 


Jesse James Rides Again: Not only does 
"honest" Jesse ride again, he literally rises 
from the dead to combat the land-grab- 
bing Black Raiders. Clayton Moore (TV's 
Lone Ranger) is a mite too gee whiz as Jess. 
but he's sull 0 feet hero, with light- 
ning refle: у the back of his head 
and ап inexhaustible six-shooter. Hi-ho, 
Jesse—awa 

(For information on tapes and catalog, call 
Republic Pictures Home Video, 800-826- 
2295.) — DAN CURRY 


VIDEO SLEEPERS 
good movies that crept out of town 


Dealers: ncial-whiz bitch on the go 
ndon, Rebecca DeMornay plays a wily 
ng girl worth a look and a promise. 
ight: Some English swingers— 
mainly Lynn Redgrave—helping a 30ish 
virgin (Jesse Birdsall) come of age. 

's bravura early- 
Seventies sti ivate eye who has 
seen too many Bogart movies. Directed 
by then-little-known Stephen (Dangerous 
Liaisons) Frears. 
The Powwow Highway: Indian lore and 
laughter in an easygoing road movie about 
two modern braves riding to rescue a lady 
in jail. 
Sherman’s Marel 


We Think the World of You: This his. 
wry bundle from Britain tells how two 
more or less hı 


VIDEOSYNCRASIES 


The Saloon Shooter: Now you can call the 
shots. Champion pool player "Thomas 
Crown shows off 25 years’ experience, 
divulging secrets known only to pros— 
until now (Shadow Picture Production). 
The Best of Nightline: li. was bound to 
happen. If you dont stay up that late, 
heres 45 minutes of Koppels y 
hits perfectly playable in prime time. Te 
for President, anyone (MPI)? 
Supermarket Savvy: Vid trip up the su- 
permarket aisle, focusing on smart label 
reading and healthful eating and cooking. 
Hosted by nutrition expert Leni Reed 
(Family Experiences Productions, Inc.). 
Massage Your Mate: A vid lesson in the 
basicsof Swedish and Shiatsu massage. De- 
cently composed, effectively produced and 
a welcome alternative to Scrabble. Grab a 
partner (View Video). 


THE HARDWARE CORNER 


Big Cover-up: Ever been outside with a 
order when a sudden downpour 
ruins your shooting—not to mention your 
equipment? Well, check it out: Beaver Park 
Products has a camcorder field cover—a 
flexible hood that starts near your eye and 
extends beyond the lens, Safe shooting for 
$24.05. 

Key Club: You've sccn the commercial 
where the kid puts the mush i 
VCR, but that’s no longer pos: 
VCR Loc ($19.95) from Solution 
locks your slot with a turn of a key, deter- 
ring theft, controlling viewing and stop- 
ping Junior from prematurely sowing his 
oats. MAURY LEVY 


doom for the / 
not if Rex Benne 
say about it. Rex 
г Haruch 


k Dragon 
ls more like an 


Besı 
bird, which, 
cigarettes, Finishes off his victims. 


WORT TIKES 


Best Just-What-We-Need Video: More Nuclear 
Power Stations; Best Really Special-Interest 
Video: Bow-Hunting for Russian Boar in East- 


em Tennessee; Smelliest Video: Garlic's Pun- 
gent Presence, Favorite Video Couple: Barbie 
and Snakewoman; Second-Favorite Video Cou- 
ple: Bed and Sofa; Dumbest Video Title: Making 
Womb for Baby, Best Thrill-2-Minute Video: 
Coleslaw; Best It's-a-Living Video: Wildlife De- 
coy Carvers of the Illinois Flyway. 


Tango & Cash (Sly Stallone and Kurt Russell tackle thugs 
and the whole quien es mos mocho thing); Old Gringo (Jim- 
my Smits fires up Mexican revolutionaries while Jane 
Fonda swoons); Internal Affairs (sleazy cop Richard Gere 
screws everyone over and still stays sexy). 


fe le Mermaid (Disney 
no-be; copped 1 usic Os- 
loto peek ai bey pageant; 
elonie Griffith). | 


Roger & Me (Michael Moare documents G.M/s corporate in- 
difference by pestering its CE.O)); Hard to Kill (cop wakes 
from a seven-year coma with a bad cose of movie 


Rutger Hauer and Joan Chen star). 


FEELING FEISTY 
vengeance); Blood of Heroes (better-than-you'd-expect Mad 
MaxlRollerboll hybri 
Tremors (Dunelike jumbo warms invade Nevada; Fred 
Ward and Kevin Bacon squirm); Men Don't Leave (wid- 
FEELING BESIEGED 


owed mom Jessica Lange fends aff parade of quirky res- 
cuers); Sweetie (hormonal misfit visits Sis and creates 
major disturbance; won top Australian prizes). 


X 


iv 
n NICE TOWN, MOSCOW. RED SQUARE, 
ANCIENT SPIRES, FUR HATS, CAPITALISTS... AND A 


VERITABLE MONOPOLY ON THE WORLD'S CREAT 


VODKAS. NE WHICH BRINCS S TO AN INTER- 


ESTING PIECE OF TRIVIA BOUT WHAT 
IS ARGUABLY THE FINEST 'ODKA IN ALL OF 
RUSSIA. WYBOROWA (VEE-BA-ROVA). 


IT ısn’T RUSSIA 


(nA OL деж 


c 
we FIRST DISTILLED CENTURIES 


ACO. AND LECENDARY EVER SINCE. 


"VEE-BA-ROVA'" VODKA 


FROM POLAND. ENJOYED 


WHITE RABBITS, 


MOSCOW AND POLISH VODKA. 
7 037 


RHE RUSSIANS DID WHAT 
Гур P00,000 VODKA FANATICS 
— ne BUT THEN, 
ALWAYS HAD A SLICHTLY ECCEN- 
TRIC HISTORY. THERE WERE ALWAYS, FOR 
INSTANCE, RACCOONS, LAYING HENS AND WHITE 
POLISH RABBITS ON THE CROUNDS OF ITS 


DISTILLERY. € Why HAS WYBOROWA SURVIVED. 


FOR CENTURIES? TASTE IT. YOU'LL 
FIND IT INEFFABLY SMOOTH. CRISP. 
A RESULT OF THE SAME TRIPLE- 
DISTILLINC PROCESS USED CEN- 
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COVERED SHORTCUTS. TODAY, 
IT 15 POSSIBLE TO ENJOY |] 
WYBOROWA RICHT HERE IN 
America WHAT 
BETTER WAY TO 
TOAST THE END OF 


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FOR CENTURIES 


STRAICHT. 


+ WYBOROWA WODKA 100% GRAIN NEUTRAL SPIRITS 40% AND 50% ALCOHOL BY VOLUME (80 AND 100 PROOF), 1990 = IMPORTED BY 375 SPIRITS CO. NEW YORK, NEW YORK 


36 


By DIGBY DIEHL 


A FEW MONTHS AGO, Kurt Vonnegut wrote an 
essay for the New York Times Book Review 
about why American humorists cea 
be funny as they grew olde 
self as an example of this phenom 
Happily his funny new novel, Hocus Pocus 
(Putnam's), proves him wrong. 

Hocus Pocus is every bit as humorous as 

Cats Cradle, Slaughterhouse-Five, Breahfast 
of Champions or any ol Vonnegut's other 
comic masterpieces. Although his books 
have never been knee=slappers, Vonnegut 
evokes the cynical chortle, the knowing 
grin, the inner laughter that soothe our 
troubled reflections. This new novel, de- 
spite its darker contemplations, offers us a 
king-sized relief valve of comedy. 
The antihero of this “sardonic fable in a 
bed of gloom" is Eugene Debs Hartke, a 
decorated. Viemam vet. Gene was nick- 
named The Preacher in Vietnam because 
he refused to use profanity and, instead, 
would use phrases such as “When the ex- 
crement hit the air conditioning.” Fired 
from his job teaching at Tarkington, a col- 
lege for the educationally bled, 
because he tells his students the truth 
about the war and American society, he 
ends up teaching convicts in a nearby 
prison. There, a prison breakout and the 
subsequent slaughter of local townspeople 
are blamed on him. 

As he narrates his saga, Hartke reveals 
that his thinking has been influenced by 
an unsigned story in Black Garterbelt 
magazine tiled “The Protocols of the El- 
ders of ‘Tralfamadore,” which suggests that 
humans are only being used as incubators 
to breed germs that will be tough enough 
to spread microbiotic life throughout tl 
unive He finds this deflationary view of 
human life reinforced by a computer game 
called Griot, which predicts patterns of 
ture life for individuals based ir so- 
| and economic history. 
There is also a hilarious scene in which a 
billionaire speculator and publisher of 
magazines and books about high finance 
(guess who) comes riding up to Tarkington 
on a Japanese motorcycle, with an old 
movie star riding behind him. Thirty of 
his friends and employees on motorcycles 
follow, all wearing gold crash helmets dec- 
orated with dol s. And they are fol- 
lowed by Henry Kissinger in a limousine, a 
huge hot-air balloon and a sound truck 
blasting bagpipe music. 

If you don't find these scenes potentially 
diverting and you are not amused by the 
an named Norman Up- 
agree with Vonnegut 
that he is no longer funny. But we think his 
glum self-judgment is a crock of exc 
ment. He's mad as hell and laughing all the 
way to the apocalypse. 

T. Coraghessan Boyle's latest novel, East 


non. 


Hocus Pocus: King-sized comedy relief. 


Vonnegut's sardonic table, 
sensitivity to racism 
and two political thrillers. 


la East (Viking), is exceptionally funny, too, 
but not so angry as Vonncgut's book. Boyle 
appears generally bemused by the human 
comedy, with all its cockeyed m 
standings. In this novel, he is spec 
fascinated by the cultural chaos caused 
when a young Japancse disciple of Mishi- 
ma jumps ship near Tupelo Island off the 
coast of Georgia and hides out at a writers’ 
colony called Thanatopsis Hou: 
Hiro, the fugitive Japanese seaman who 
is being hunted by the LN.S., is taken in by 
an elderly lady who thinks he is the con- 
ductor Seiji Ozawa. Then he is protected 
by a young woman at Thanatopsis House 
who finds g stimulant to her 
boring lile as Along the way, Boyle 
skewers the petty infighting and backbit- 
ing of the colony’ literary set with a comic 
recision born of nate. knowledge. 
‘This fast and funny novel gives Boyle am- 
ple opportunity to dazzle us with his sharp 
саг for dialog and his rich descriptive 
phrases. He as one of the most excit- 
ing young fiction writers in Ámerica. 
This year marks the 25th anniversary of 
the signing of the Voting Rights Act, and 
Black in Selma: The Uncommon Life of J. L. 
Straus & Giroux), writ 
ten by Chestnut with Julia Cass, is the story 
of the civil rights struggle that led up to 
document and of the ye: 5 
have followed. 
first black 


vyer, and he unhesit 
ded black rights in case after c 
ity's hostile wi 
the same spirit and resolve, he fought for 


national civil rights legislation with Martin 
Luther King, Jr. Chestnuts eloquent auto- 
biography is both a microcosm of the civil 
rights mo and a study in grass- 
roots politics. It is the powerful story of 
how one man can make a diflerence. 

In contrast to the undeniable progress 
in race relations made in Selma, there is 
the ugly specter of the Tawana Brawley 
case in Dutchess County New York. In 
November 1987, a 15-year-old black girl 
was found outside an apartment building 
smeared with feces and with racist epithets 
written on her body: She claimed to have 
been abducted and raped by several white 
men, possibly including police officers. As 
a team of six reporters from The New York 
Times carefully documents in Outrage: The 
Story Behind the Tawana Brawley Hoax (Ban- 
tam), the abduction and rape tale was no 
more than a teenage girl's lie to avoid pun- 
ishment by her mother’s companion. But 
the astonishing brouhaha that followed re- 
vealed racially motivated distrust, if not 
hatred, by both blacks and whites. Head- 
line grabbers and politicians gathered 
around the case until the facts were ob- 
scured by a blitz of accusations and coun- 
teraccusations. This retrospective look is a 
riveting, sobering documentary of media 
manipulation and public hysteria trig- 
gered by skin color. 
ally we have two fictional thrillers 
focused on Washington. D.C., each with 
an insiders viewpoint: Potomac Jungle 
(Knightsbridge), by David Levy, and Play- 
ing the Dozens (Viking), by William D. 
Pease. Levy has written a good old-fash- 
ioned potboiler, with the special edge ıhat 
comes from having been closely involved 
with national politics since the Forties, and 
he presents the inner workings of the 
White House with impressive authori 
His novel revolves around a tense power 
struggle between an aging President and a 
young, ambitious Vice-President who 
invokes the 25th Amendment to become 
acting President at a point of international 
crisis. Pease was a prosecutor in Washing- 
ton for 18 years before entering private 
practice. Playing the Dozens, his first novel, 
reflects ап intimate understanding of 
crim 


drug deals and double agents that is stylis- 
somewhere between Scott Turow 
and John le Carré and filled with details 
about D.C. politics that might have come 
right [rom today's front page. 


BOOK BAG 


Crooning (Simon & Schuster), by John 
Gregory Dunne: This collection of 16 bril- 
int nonfiction pieces ranges from a tough 
assessment of the Kennedys to a series of 
wonderful dissections of Hollywood. 


Radar Warning Breakthrough 


Digital Signal Processing (DSP) allows new ESCORT to warn 
you of traffic radar much sooner than previously possible 


Wren we introduced the original ESCORT 
in 1978, its superheterodyne technology 
provided an incredible increase in warning 
distance. One magazine said we "struck panic 
into the whole radar detector industry: 

Our new ESCORT will have the same effect. 

History repeats Itself 

Since 1978, we've continued to advance 
the science of radar warning, and our original 
ESCORT and PASSPORT have won test after 
test. But we've never stopped working to 
develop another breakthrough to redefine 
radar detection again. And now we've done it. 

Incredible new technology 

Our all-new ESCORT provides an increc. 
ible increase in detection distance. And it's 
only a fraction of the size of the original 
ESCORT. The key is Digital Signal Processing 
(DSP).an incredible computer technology. 

DSP is used by NASA to create detailed 
space photos from blurry images. It's used to 
deliver sharp images of internal tissue from 
medical scanners. It's used by military radar 
to distinguish enemy from friendly aircraft. 

And now we're using DSP to find radar 
signals too weak to be detected by conven- 
tional technologies. 


The heart of ESCORTS DSP 
circuitry is а custom version 
(of the Motorola DSP 56000. 
This 20 MHz 24 bit parallel 
HOMOS processor is capable 
011025 miton instructions 
per second, and is also used 
in Steve Jobs new $10,000 
NeXT computer, 


MOTOROLA 
08Р 56000 


ESCORT’ 20NHz 
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How It works 

The new ESCORT's DSP circuitry samples 
incoming radar signals 50.000 times a second, 
slicing them into discrete bits of information 
This information is digitized and continuously 
analyzed by an incredibly fast signal recogni 
tion computer. The end result is remarkable. 


New Anti-theft System 


Escort comes with a tiny "Digital Key" to put on. 
your keyring. When you first receive your Escort, 
and then about every two months, you'll use your 
Digital Key to “unlock” your Escort. 

For someone who doesn't have the proper 
Digital Key, your Escort simply wort work. 


Breakthrough performance 

ESCORTS advanced signal processing 
provides an incredible increase in sensitivity 
on both bands. Quite simply, this means that 
the new ESCORT picks up radar signals fur- 
ther away than was ever before possible, even 
distant instant-on radar signals. And its 
advanced City/Highway circuitry lets you opti- 
mize ESCORT's warning system for either 
driving environment. 


E نے‎ 
© The new Escort packs 
ultimate sensitivity into a 
small package. 
Notbing else even comes 
close, and no wonde: 
No analog device can hope 


to match this performance. 
BMW пата 


Intuitive waming system 

ESCORT's warning system keeps you fully 
informed. Upon radar contact, ESCORT's alert 
lamp glows and its variable-pulse audio begins 
a slow warning. Simultaneouslya bar graph of 
Hewlett Packard LEDs shows radar proximity. 

As you get closer, the audio pulse quickens 
and the bar graph lengthens. You'll understand 
ESCORT the first time you use it. 

No compromise design 

We've spared no expense in making 
ESCORT the best equipped radar detector 
ever. A photocell adjusts the visual display for 
the light level in your car (there's also a Dark 
mode for more discreet operation). 

ESCORT's adjustable volume and Mute 
switch let you adjust the audio level, and we've 
added a new "AutoMute" that automatically 
turns the volume down after the initial alert. 


So while your Escort is valuable to you, it's of 
ittie value to a thief. 

Our new Oigital Key 
security system will 
help keep 
your new 
Escort yours. 


Actual size cutaway of Digital Key 


ESCORT's aluminum housing, finished in 
non-glare black, provides ruggedness that will 
last for years and years, unlike plastic hous- 
ings. And ESCORT comes complete, period. 


The new ESCORT is only 7/8" high and 3 1/4" wide. 


All accessories Included 

For installation, ESCORT comes with both 
visor clip and windshield mount. For power 
connection, we supply both a coiled and a 
straight cord to plug into your cars lighter. 
There's also a cord for permanent wiring into 
your car's electrical system, if you prefer. 

We even include a leather carrying case, 
which fits easily in a coat pocket or briefcase. 
so you'll always have ESCORT with you. 

Test-drive ESCORT at no risk 

For more information, or to place an order, 
just call us toll-free. We only sell direct from 
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After you receive ESCORT, if you're not 
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37 


STYLE 


RETURN OF THE NATIVE 


Out of the West rides the Indian-blanket coat with a range of 
styles from leather-trimmed toggle and Europcan-influenced 
double-breasted jackets with wide shawl collars to a Calvin Klein 
rug-patterned ves from the Colorado Clothing Company 
are mostly made on Indian reservations. And, of course, Pendle- 
ton Woolen Mills has been selling Indian-inspired jackets and 
blankets for almost 100 years. The 
also turning up on 
everything from sweaters and 
embroidered shirts to scarves, 
ties and even underwear. 
Charles Goodnights hot- 
colored corduroy boxer 
shorts feature an Indian- 
inspired pattern. (Those 
who take the look a litle 
less seriously may prefer 
Joc Boxers liule-feather- 
print skivvies.) Why 
this return to the т 


gence of interest in nature. In ad- 

dition, the Sante Fe influence is 
everywhere, from food home fur ‚ Even Ralph Lauren 
is offering Ind otif-patterned terrycloth towels. Whatever 
ity impulse, the Indian look is one trend that we can recom- 
mend—without reservation. 


A FASHION BONFIRE 


So whats the power look that Tom Hanks will 

be wearing as master financier Sherman McCoy 

in Brian De Palma's film Bonfire of the Van- 
а ilies? “Braces with a pin- 
Hanks 


stripe heavyweight-wool 
plays the 


vs costume de- 
hind of guy 


signer Ann Roth. Roth is 
ordering menswear "in 
the Savile Row tradition” 
from Henry Stewart, a 
New York-based custom 


who goes 


to London tailor. “The suspenders,” 
2o She says "are mostly 
SIX [MES from Barneys.” Other 


.» power threads that the 
а year fm will 

tom white shirts by L. Allmei 
and Hermes ties. “This was the era of 
Reaganomics,” says Roth. "Hanks plays the 
Kind of guy who goes to London six ti 
and wears only New & Lingwood custom shoes.” 


5 Т Ү 


MELROSE AVENUE: HOT SHOPPING 


І.А Melrose Avenue may be the only place where Angelenos ac- 
tually walk. Stores on the mile-long strip cater to every taste from 
Euro chic to rock and 
roll. Here are the 
standouts. + Fred 
Segal (8100 Melrose) 
Alter 25 ycars, it’s still 
the mecea f 
savvy, everything 
from top-designer 
looks to 
Segal's patio ca 
gres for celeb 

B. * Aaard- 
Yarks Odd Ark (7579 
Melrose): The place 
for authentic Ha 


VIEWPOINT 


"Elliot loves for people to notice 
him," says 33-year-old Timothy 
Busfield, whose char- 
acter, Eliot Weston 


on thirtysomething, 
wears wild hand- 

ted hula-girl ties 
And lavender shirts. 
The Thirties and For- 


is 


ties retro look suits 
the role, an art direc- 


ian shirts, h tor, if not Busfield. 
painted jeans or “At home I wear 501 
a Madonna bustier. jeans, T-shirts and 


* Roppongi (7574 Mel- work boots. My wife 


rose) Avant clothes is a former assistant 
and shoes with a pref- dom ing designer and we argue all 
erence for Belgian 


ners. * Wacko 
(7416 Melrose): The 
name says itall. 
through a long corridor of funhouse mirrors. Inside 
your kitsch itch with a string of eyeball lights or a Fred Flintstone 
doll. + Wanna Buy a Watch? (7410 Melrose): 
І.А best selection of vintage American and 
Swiss LIMEPICCES. 


HOME CHIC 


Whats the hottest trend in 
Wardrobization. The ide: 
should evolve just as your personality has. For- 
gel the everything-matches motif. Designers 
v into opposites. A funky postmodern vase 
atop a Victorian dresser, for example. Or a 
signed Louis Icart etching hung above a Bang 
Olufsen sound system. * Speaking of etch- 
ou don't have to be a Japanes tronics 
tycoon to hang eye-catching art on your walls. 
If you have a minimum of $250 to spend, think 
signed prints. As art prices 'ocket, limited- 
Nagel's 
ary Playboy poster went from 
00 in just five у 
galleries. Buy art you like. It's the smart way to 
add class to your home. 


M E T E R 


ES and I’m May Company.” 


nterior design? 
is that your space 


COWBOY BOOTS | 


IN 


our 


Pointed or needle-pointed toes 
with a squared-off outsole 


A rounded or “roper” toe 


A lower walking heel; at the highest, 
it should be one and a half inches 


Any high-stacked, deeply sloped heel 


All shades of brown; 
black is still strong 


Soft leathers made of elk- and deerskin; 
lizard remains hot 


Gray, blue and all bright colors 


Any exotic skin from 
an endangered species 


40 


SPORTS 


A ironies go—and | have a 
sailed one as far a 


of nouvelle cuisine 
baffling to the grizzled sportswriter than 
the alarming number of | y People 
nk of baseball as not just a game 

ito 


te 


be so even thougl y 
People do not generally use the word 
cunt in polite conversation, which 
baseball players do as regu- 
larly as they fondle their nuts in public. 

A sportswriting friend of mine once 
gave up the major-league-baseball beat 
on a well-to-do magazine because the C 
word wasn't allowed in the family publi- 
cation and, therefore, he felt he couldn't 
cover the sport accurately or honestly. 

Anyone who has ever been close to the 
sport knows that basel 
sorry lot, basically, and without question 
the most profane of all athletes. It's the 
main part of their charm. 

And yet every now and then a Literary 
Person. will write an. entire book. about 
iseball. usually telling us things we al- 
ready know but in the language of Percy 
Bysshe Shelley, and without using the € 
word or any other four-letter bauble, 
nd what happens? Hordes of other Lit- 
erary People slobber over it, believing 
they have been enlightened by a mind, 
an eye and a tongue that no sportswriter 
could possibly possess. 

Today, I am here to explain this 
strange love affair between Literary Peo- 
ple and baseball. having given it consid- 
able thought for the past four hours, 
or roughly the same amount of time 
used by a major-league manager to 
change pitchers in the sixth inning, 

To be exact, there 
the love affair between 1 te 
1 baseball, which cu 


re five reasons for 
ry People 
corre 


usly 


t up to the show with the Nor- 
n Wild Ducks in 1867 and once 
pitched a no-hitter ag; ookie) 
Marx and the Berlin Proletariats. Rikky 
got in trouble in the eighth and could 
only stand around thinking up disturb- 
ing questions for himself until his mar 
„went out to thi 
, "You want to get this 
guy out? Drop а deuce on his doll's 
house. 
Doll's house is м 


sed for the C 


By DAN JENKINS 


LITERARY 
BALL 


word in those days. 

But to get on with the reasons 

1. Baseball is boring. 

So are Literary People. By and large, 
this helps them reach out for one anoth- 
er, and a certain bonding occurs 

After all, the most exciting thing that 
can happen in a baseball game is th 
guy will hît a ball over a fence. 

But Literary People have a deep ap- 
preciation for the home run. lt connects 
with their lust for boring, pretentious, 

nreadable books. 

The bat is the writer, the ball is the 
book and the fence is the reader. The bat 
(writer) 
fence (reader's head) and into oblivion, 
with a hardeover sale of 1467 copies 
which, according to Literary People, 
the perfect batting average for a poten- 
of the National Book Award 


s the ball (book) over the 


2. Following baseball is a way for Lit 
erary People to go slumming. 
Occasionally, Literary People will slum 
in a ball park, if they get free passes, and. 
occasionally, they will slum in front of a 
TV set, if the game is coming from an in 
tellectual hotbed such as Fenway Park 
but most often, they slum in the agate 
type of box scores. 
The explanation 
‘They like the myst 
scores, such as: 


is simple. 
se of box 


кошсо. LOB-Naro 3, Marsis 1 
Artums Ur (1) Hc Hegel (9). SSI 
Why? 

It reminds them of dialog 
Bertolt Brecht. 

3. Certain infi 
the ze 
dachshunds. 

This gives bascball a human quality, as 
the Literary Person sees it. 

In contrast, football and basketball 
s do not have a human quality 
ry People look at a lineman on a 
football team and they see someone with 
arms the size of Victor Mature's leg and 
legs the size of a DC-10's fuselage. More- 
over, they see someone wearing more 


28-Licullus. 38. 


Hi SEManwec 


Iders can frequently be 
y People and 


clothes than an archbishop, with a little 
city jail wrapped around his face. They 
could identily with a smaller player in 


the backfield if they didn't suspect that 
he was a collegiate version of Stepin 
Feichit, who could run fast only if he saw 
a ghost Meanwhile, althongh they like 
the nudity of basketball, Literary People 
are troubled by athletes who are taller 
than the buildings they work in 

4. Baseball is essentially a summer 


game. 
You can't overstate the importance of 
1his for Li y People, for no books of 


even the remotest interest are published 
during the summer months. 

What this does is free up the Literary 
People to go out to the Hamptons and 
sec cach other more often than they 
have for the past nine months, but also 
to think about nothing but baseball and 

fic jams. 

5. Literary People played baseball in 
one form or another when they were 


gh it was usually sand-lot sofi- 
gned to deep 
s far out of the way as pos- 
them a taste for the in- 
e fundamentals and deceiving 
complexities that make a pop fly such à 
thrilling intellectual topic. 

Of course, some Literary People were 
never chosen to play in the sand-lot 
games as kids because they were loo 
clumsy, too weak, wore glasses or held 
the bat by the wrong end. 
ad, but many of them got 
т, when they grew up 


ver 
to be book ci 


MEN 


I he headline jumped out at me: 

WOMEN REALLY TICKEDOEE AT MEN. POLL 
says.” “Oh, no!" I cried, “Have 1 done 
something wrong again?” Suddeuly, 1 
felt very insecure. 1 hugged my Alan Al- 
da doll even tighte 

1 kept readin ican women in- 
creasingly believe that most men are 
mean, manipulative, oversexed, self- 
centered and lazy... - 4 And the women 
are getting annoyed." According to this 
report, The Roper Organization polled 
3000 women and found “growing num- 
bers ol women expressing sensitivity to 
sexism and unhappiness with. men on 
many issues.” 

Forty-two percent of 
polled found men to be "basically selfish 
and self-centered.” Some 54 percent of 
the women agreed that "most men look 
at a woman and immediately think how 
it would be to go to bed with her” Ac- 
cording to 52 percent of the women, 
their mates do not help with the house- 
hold chores. 

What makes matters worse, according 
to the Roper poll (financed, incidentally, 
by Philip Morris US.A.), is that a simi 
lar poll was taken 20 years ago, and 
the 1990 results show greater female dis- 
contentment. In. 1990, for example, 58 
percent ol women agreed. that “most 
men think only ther own opinions 
about the world are important —up 
from 50 percent in 1970. And given the 
statement “Most men find it necessary 
for their egos to keep women down." 55 
percent agreed, up from 49 percent. 

Ellen Merlo, a Philip Morris vice-pres- 
ident, was quoted as saying, “The fru 
tration [of women toward their lifestyle] 
is expressed in hostility toward men. 
Women a ng (0 men for more 
support attitude toward me 


the women 


has turned somewhat sour." 
Ihe Roper poll surprised me, of 
course. Sour women? Frustrated and 


кту women? Are they out there? I cer- 
tainly have never met any women who 
fit that description. 1 assume from the 
steady smiles and constant generosity of 
the women I meet that most are very 
satisfied with the men in their lives. And 
1 know— absolutely know—that Ameri 
can men today arc as happy as pigs in 
shit. For us, life is just a bowl of orgasmi 
oatmeal. We've never had it so good. 
And if you doubt me, Гуе got proof. It's 
called the Baber poll. 

I recently polled 3000 men. The re 


By ASA BABER 


HAPPY 
AS PIGS 


sults are astounding. Men, it turns out, 
have no criticisms of women, no sense of 
anger or frustration, no gripes. For us, 
women are ideal, loving, supportive and 
wondrous. They shine like beacons in an 
otherwise hopeless sea. And I can back 
this conclusion up with hard data: 


* One hundred percent of the men 
polled by ‘The Baber Organization 
agreed with the statement that "most 


women are basically kind, gentle and 
thoughtful.” This was reflected in indi 
vidual i as well. “Women are 
great, just great," said Ronald Rexmard 
of Baggs, Wyo hey are a con- 
stant joy to me because they are never 
critical of me and they tickle me in funny 
places and make me giggle. Гус never 
scen a harsh or overly aggressive wom- 
an, and 1 doubt that they exist. Women 
arc, to a person, as gentle as baby doves 
field at daybreak in the 


+ One hundred and one percent of 
the men agreed that “women 


with subtle 


they do it grace 
exquisite charm." Maurice Shubertir 
Dothan, Alabama, agr I am awed 


with the women comport them- 
selves in these chaotic times,” he said. 
“There is never a mean word, never a 
slip of the lip that causes me shame, and 
much as 1 hate to admit it, only men 


selfish and cruel. It must be genetic 
Men are doomed. But women? Women 
> perfect.” 

* One hundred and two percent of 
the men polled confessed that they er 
joy oppressing women economically 
“Yes, yes, I admit it," sobbed Johnny 
Bluthcorn of Waimanalo, Hawaii. “1 do 
everything I can to deny women their 
rightful place in the business communi- 
ty. After all, it used to be a man's world, 
and I want to go back to that world 
soon as possible. If a woman enters my 
workplace, I try to get her fired, and 1 
never recommend her for promotion 
As far as I can tell, all of my fellow males 
agree that а woman's place is in the 
home, not the office—and that she'd 
better work at home for free! We all 
know that men stand for slavery and 
tyranny and oppression.” 

+ Zero percent of the men polled 
found women to be “sexist and unfair im 
their judgments of men.” Arthur Wind- 
sock of Caribou, Maine, put it this way. 
“The Roper poll simply verifies what we 
as men have known all along. Women 
see us through very realisuc glasses. 
They don't expect too much from us, 
and when they are disappointed in us. 
they don't overreact and stick pins in 
our doll. Personally, Гуе enjoyed the last 
quarter century of male-bashing. I think 
we've deserved it. Ol course, by the ye: 
2000, 1 will probably have had my se 
change operation, so it doesnt really 
matter to me. 

+ One hundred and ten percent of the 
men disagreed that "women look at a man 
and immediately think how it would be 
to go to bed with him." Charlie Kra- 
vi ugh of Lake Mills, Wisconsin, said, 
“That's what I like about коше: 
are very clear and clean in their sexi 
ity, Just take a look at the soap oper: 
they watch, at the movies they attend, 
at the video tapes they rent, at the books 
they read, at the signals they give in so- 
cial situations, and I think you'll agree 
with me that women are basically in con- 
trol of their sexuality, honest and up- 
right citizens of the republic who would 
never think immediately of what it would 
be like to go to bed with a man.” 

So there you have it. Which poll are 
you going to believe? Is it Roper or 
Baber? Is it fiction or fact 

Write, don't call. And hurry. 


ET 


al 


® 
No Problem. į 


F 


Ў. © 1990 Miler Brewing Co. Mitwaukoo, WI Genuine Cold-Filtered Miller Genuine Draft. 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


В... enclosing a short description of sexual 
etiquette your readers may find interest 
g- It is from a report called "Contracep- 
tive Technology Update " —0. Y., Madison, 
Wisconsin. 

Thanks. We've never viewed etiquetle as a 
form of contraceptive technology, but maybe 
we are backward. The list is worth reprinting, 
so here goes: 


* Respect the word no. Either part- 
ner has the right to refuse physical 
contact. A womans "no" does not 
mean “Try harder so 1 can Бе swepl 
ашау” A mans "no" is nol an invita- 
tion to be seduced. 

+ Prepare for sex. If there's a possi- 
bility youll have intercourse, carry 
contraception. If youre not prepared, 
don't do it. 

* Keep sex private. Public expres- 
sions of intimacy may embarrass or of- 
fend others. 

* Don't kiss and tell. Talking about 
sexual experiences violates your part- 
ner privacy. 

* Observe the golden rule. Treat your 
partner with the care and respect you'd 
want in return. 


Wy docs adult entertainment have to 
be so dirty? When traveling recently, my 
boyfriend and I thought we 
some adult pleasu 
simply looking for an adult motel wi 
rors on the ceiling, X-rated movies and a 
water bed—pretty tame stuff. Across five 
states, it became obvious that what we 
wanted existed on the bad side of town, 
isolated among warehouses and run-down 
buildings. Who could feel sale there? It 
was discouraging, and we wondered, Dont 
others look for similar fun once in a while? 
Likewise, when we decided to have some 
fun by my parücipating in amateur night 
d to find a decent, 
ist in a bad neighbor- 
hood. Finally, in the small resort city of 
North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, we 
found two clean strip bars on a major high- 
way that were worth walking into. I did en- 
ter the amateur-night contest and we had 
some of our hottest sex ever later that 
t and for a wl thereafter. I have a 
feeling that there are clean adult motels 
across this great nation of ours. I thought 
your readers might enjoy nominating their 
favorite motels, maybe give us a directory 
to match the best of саз bed and 
breakfasts. My nominations are in the 
strip- : The Doll Housc and 
"The Crazy Horse on Highway 17 in North 
Mrytle Beach. Amateur nights arc Tuesday 


We like the idea of a reader directory. So, 
folks, send in cards or letters telling us where 
you had your last hot rendezvous. Do others 


need to know of that tiny hotel in New York 
City? The place where you rent hot tubs by the 
hour? The strip club with the best amateur 
night? We'll check them out and report the re- 
sults. What we don't understand is the need to 
go out to have these things. Why nat rent your 
own adult movies? You can order a Mylar 
ceiling mirror (which can be removed in sec- 
onds) from Stamford Hygienic Corporation 
(Box 932, Stamford, Connecticut 06904) for 
515.95. (The company also sells a pleasure 
swing that attaches to the ceiling and can be 
removed in seconds for $44.95) If you wish 
strip joints were as clean as health clubs, why 
not reverse the equation and make health 
clubs as sexy as strip joints? Wear an over- 
sized ripped T-shirt with large armholes and 
no bra to your next workout and check the at- 
tention you get. The notion that sex is sleazy 
comes from zoning it—into public and pri- 
uate, board room and bedroom. 


Do ihe scents of men's colognes and 
after-shaves change with time? What is the 
average shelf life of scents? What factors 
ll contribute to their longevity or 
demise?—L. C., Largo, Florida. 

If you keep your botiles of aftershave and 
cologne tightly capped when not in use, as 
well as protect them from sunlight and ex- 
treme temperature, the products should be fine 
for about a year. Scents may alter slightly 
after the bottles have been opened, Buying 
them in small quantities will minimize expo- 
sure to air. 


m a college student enjoying my first se- 
rious sexual relat . Having grown 
up in the conservative Eighties, I know all 
about birth control and AIDS, but what I 
don't know much about is how to make my 
love affair adventurous and spontaneou 


What do you suggest?—A. 
Washington. 

We love this kind of question. It brings out 
all our Sixties nostalgia for the days when 
living an experimental life was fraught with 
mistakes but no real danger. Here are some 
suggestions. Free your libido from the same 
old routine. Try doing it with no foreplay, or 
at least with the appearance of no foreplay. 
Ask her to leave her underwear at home, but 
don't tell her why. Find a secluded corner and 
show her why. Or don't. Let the suspense be 
the experience. Try a quickie in the car. Try the 
opposite, having foreplay in a place where 
there is no chance for consummalion. Experi- 
ment with isolating neglected senses. Capture 
Ihe sounds of your lovemaking on casselle 
(later—afler finishing that special dinner 
you cooked, for instance—play il back). Give 
her a full-service massage (include lotions, 
feathers, vibrators and any rock music with a 
powerful bass line). Tell her stories about sex. 
Engage in phone sex (this will tell you a lot 
about her fantasies—and yours). Spoil her 
with sensuous gifts—buy her filmy lingerie lo 
play in (texture is everything—think silk), Do 
something extremely physical that is not sexu- 
al—run together or take up Greco-Roman 
wrestling. Get acquainted with one organ at a 
time. Start with her skin. Lightly pinch every 
square inch of her body, or drum it lightly 
with your finger tips. Enough for now. 


pokane, 


AAs a wine collector, 1 like to know the 
current value of individual wines. With my 
Bordeaux, it's not difficult: I look at the 
auction results of Christie's, Sotheby's and 
others to see what specific vintages of spe- 
cihe chateaux are fetching. With my Cali- 
fornia wines—especially those I bought in 
the Sixties and Seventies—it's not so easy. 
Also, I haven't seen reliable tasting notes 
on premium California wines as there 
are with Michael Broadbent's The Great 
Vintage Wine Book or Robert M. Parker, 
Jrs, Bordeaux. Do you have any sugges- 
tions?—]. R., Milwaukee, Wiscons 

There is some attempt afoot to standardize 
and rate the value and drinkability of the 
premiere California wines. James Laube, an 
editor with The Wine Spectator, has come 
out with “Californias Great Cabernets." He 
rates the vineyards in a fashion similar to the 
Bordeaux cháteaux ratings, offers his tasting 
notes for specific vintages, notes the original 
purchase price of the wines, as well as their 
current value, and speculates on both their 
drinkability and how well they meet expecta- 
tions in terms of quality. For example, we 
happened to taste a 1974 Robert Mondavi 
Winery Reserve that was purchased for $30 
a bottle, Laube opines that the wine should be 
drunk from 1990 to 1996 (we think its fabu- 
lous right now) and correcily notes that there 
were considerable botile variations (which we 
also discovered upon opening four botiles). 
He rates the wine a 92 (out of 100), with 


43 


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which we concur, and estimates the current 
value to be $95 a bottle. We hope thats true, 
too, secing as we have a case and a half left 


Several of my male friends and 1 are 
planning a trip to a singles resort i 
Jamaica. The one we've chosen has a nude 
beach as one of its many amenities. It's also 
known for its sometimes wild parties— 
clothing becomes optional as the night 
goes on. Because none of us has ever been 
to a nude beach before, we are need of 
some advice on how to deal with several sit- 
uations. First, sunburn. Burning areas of 
your body that normally aren't exposed to 
the sun would really ruin the fun. Would 
several trips toa tanning salon help reduce 
the risk of burning? What about sun 
screen? What level of protection should we 
apply? Second, dress. Is it permissible to 
wear a bathing suit on a nude beach while 
others are au naturel? Third, socializing. 
Is it appropriate to walk up to a group of 
women and try to strike up a conversation, 
or should we save that for the pool or other 
arcas? What about the par Being 
somewhat shy, I sometimes have a problem 
starting conversations under normal con- 
ditions. Um afraid ГЇЇ have a real problem 
if the woman I want to talk to is wearing 
nothing more than a G string. Any insights 
you might have to offer would be greatly 
appreciated. —R. J. K., Pittsburgh, Penn- 
sylvani 

A tanning parlor is not the answer. The ar- 
tificial rays are just as capable of causing 
damage as the real thing, Yes, take waterproof 
sun block, a sixpack with an S.PE of 25 or 
higher (in the tropics, a single tube can cost 
almost as much as your room for the night). If 
you run out, you may have to use creosote or 
опе of those fluorescent zinc-axide concoc- 
tions. Put that on your privates and your 
worries about how to start a conversation will 
be over. Don't be afraid to wear a bathing suit 
(or, for that matter, a T-shirt and a hal) on 
a nude beach. These are clothing-optional 
beaches, not nudity-mandatory. We are per- 
sonally fond of tan marks—as a friend said, 
it looks like you're wearing underwear with 
genitals. As for socializing, keep your dis- 
tance on a nude beach. Don't stroll, don't ogle 
and don't chase Frisbees onto someone else's 
terrain. When you get up to go into the water 
or play volleyball, put on your swimsuit, As 
for the rumored parties, it never hurts to let 
the other asshole suggest nude lambada, If 
you are already talking to someone when the 
clothes start coming off, you can gauge a reac- 
tion and say, “Lets — pregnant pause— 
“walk on the beach." Play it by eye. 


Fin thinking of taking a recreational vehi- 
cle for a three-week tour of the US. Can 
you make any recommendations? There 
will be four adults —J. P. Chicago, Illinois. 

We once took an RV. around Lake Michi- 
gan with five wind-crazed boardsailors, 12 
boards and 20-some-odd cases of beer for the 
nondriving, nonsailing days. It was ugly and 
we have the slides to prove it. It was also ter- 
rific fun. R.V. travel is handy: You take your 


own accommodations along with you and you 
never have to choose where you'll be dining 
each night. But the hey to success is advance 
planning, from choosing the right floor plan 
for your R.V to knowing where you will be 
staying Full-size motor homes (class A rigs) 
usually have twin beds or a queen in the back 
and overhead bunks or fold-out sofas up 
front. You may find that you have more pri- 
тасу with a smaller mini-motor home (class 
C rig) that has a second double bed over the 
front cab. Don't take the brochures word for 
size and layout: Go to a local sales or rental 
agency and walk around. Measure beds. The 
next question is where to pick up and drop off. 
If youre planning a tour of the Soulhwest, 
don't start in Chicago. Cruise America and 
U-haul have agencies in a variety of gateway 
cities that put you right in the middle of the 
scenery: Al six to len miles per gallon, you 
don't want to drive across Nebraska to get to 
Colorado. Pick up “Woodalls Campground 
Directory” Get a good road map and plan 
your drive time carefully. Try to limit time on 
the road—the whole point of R.V.s is to park 
the sucker and party. Weigh the advantages 
of making a round trip in the R.V. versus 
paying a drop-off charge: Depending on the 
route, it may save you money to come home by 
plane, train. or automobile. Drop-off charges 
range from $250 lo $500; rental rates are 
seasonal—road-tripping in the summer can 
cost as much as $50 a day more than in the 
low season, October to March. 


Car you suggest any variations of the 
oli in-and-out? Thrusting during sex 
seems so automatic. What happens if you 
change the way you move during sex? 一 
E. Q., Detroit, Mich 5 

We've noticed that when people say “Differ- 
ent strokes for different folks," it usually 
means that they are defending the status quo 
(their own method of doing it) and not other 
techniques. But a few authors have elaborat- 
ed on the basics, Noboru Hidaka, in “The 
Japanese Art of Lovemaking,” describes nine 
methods of thrusting: "1. Strike out to the left 
and right as a brave warrior trying to break 
up the enemy ranks. 2. Move up and down as 
a wild horse bucking through a stream. 3. 
Pull out and push in as a group of seagulls 
playing on the waves. 4. Use deep thrusts and 
shallow leasing strokes, alternating swiftly as 
a sparrow picking the leftovers of rice in a 
mortar, 5. Make deep and shallow strokes in 
steady succession as a huge stone sinking into 
the sea. 6. Push in slowly as a snake entering 
a hole to hibernate. 7. Thrust swiftly as a 
frightened ral rushes into a hole. 8. Poise, 
then strike like an eagle catching an elusive 
hare. 9. Rise, then plunge low like a huge 
sailing boat braving the gale. All these 
thrusts, when made at different speeds, inten- 
sities and depths, add shades and nuances of 
pleasure that will enhance the lovemaking of 
both men and women. Variation also pro- 
vides the man with a methed for controlling 
his ejaculation and keeping his phallus rigid 
Jor a suitable length of lime.” And to think 
that we have trouble negotiating trade con- 
cessions with these guys. Since most of us can't 


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even follow directions that come with our 
VCRs, let's turn to an American guide to sex 

John E. Eichenlaubs 1967 classic “New Ap- 
proaches to Sex in Marriage” describes some- 
thing called the Violin Bow Effect: "You 
stimulale your wife quite keenly when you 
draw the shaft of your penis across the sensi 

live upper edge of her female organ. This type 
of friction at this particular site brings her 
sexual sensations unmatched by other action. 

You can use it in most sexual positions but 
especially in the pillow trick, usual and 
asymmetrical face-to-face postures or the 
twisted-trunk rearentry posture, A similar 
effect is possible in the kneeling-wife posture 
but is slightly less stimulating because the 
penis enters ‘upside down,’ with its softer bot- 
lom surface rather than its firmly erect por- 
tions in contact with the woman’ sensitive 
tissues. Like the violin bow rubbmg a string, 
which gives just as loud a note when moved 
slowly, shaft-to-innerlip friction. stimulates 
just as keenly whether movement is slow or 
Jast. However, the first inch or so of either an 
inward or an outward stroke gives very little 
of this type of friction, since the inner lips ini- 
tially move along with the shaft instead of 
being rubbed by it. After these highly sensitive 
folds have been turned all the way in or out, 
further movement in the same direction stim- 
ulates a streiched-oul extensive surface with 
both friction and vibration, For practical 
purposes, then, you can increase the amount 
of stimulation you give to your wife in any 
position which permits friction of the penis 
shafi against the front rim of the vagina by 
(1) sliding your body headward to increase 


pressure on the sensitive parts, (2) using long 
strokes both inward and outward, (3) slow 
motion, especially in the mid-phase of each 
stroke. Some husbands stimulate their wives 
most effectively with a sort of ‘stutter move- 
ment, giving a quick motion at the beginning 
of each inward or outward stroke (to turn the 
wifes inner lips in the right direction), fol- 
lowed by a long, slow movement the rest of the 
way. Others find slow movement on a regular 
rhythm easier, especially if the wife is making 
reciprocal movements of her own. But rapid 
movement in positions offering this variety of 
stimulation almost always speeds the male cli- 
max without giving either partner as much 
satisfaction as the long, slow stroke.” So what 
will it be tonight, dear—the slow snake or the 
stuttering violin? 

All reasonable questions—from fashion, 
food and drink, stereo and sports cars to dating 
problems, taste and eliquette—will be person- 
ally answered if the writer includes a stamped, 
self-addressed envelope. Send all letters to The 
Playboy Advisor, Playboy, 680 North Lake 
Shore Di Chicago, Illinois 6061. 
The most provocative, pertinent queries 
will be presented on these pages cach month. 


Dial The Playboy Advisor on the Air and 
hear Playmates answer questions, Or record 
your own question! Call 1-900-740-3311; 
only two dollars per minute. 


“Artists stretch the limits of 
understanding. They express ideas 
that are sometimes unpopular. In 
an atmosphere of liberty, artists 
and patrons are free to think the 
unthinkable and create the 
audacious... 


Where there’ liberty, art 
succeeds. In societies that are 
not free, art dies.” 


-Ronald Reagan 


FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION ISN'T A MATTER OF RIGHT OR LEFT. 
IT'S A MATTER OF RIGHT OR WRONG. 


After helping to support more than 80,000 to pressure Congress into voting their way. rushed to Congress. 
cultural projects nationwide over the past 25 Fortunately, many Americans from all across Because, regardless of whether your 
years, the National Endowment for the Arts is the political spectrum support freedom of views are to the left or to the right, 
under attack. expression in the arts. President Bush recently censorship is just plain wrong. 

A small yet highly vocal minority. led by Jerry said, “1 don't know of anybody inthe 
Falwell, Pat Robertson, Don Wildmonand Government or any Government agency that Mh merean Way 
Senator Jesse Helms, want to restrict the Arts should be set up to censor what you write, or ACTION FUNI 
Endowment from funding anything they what you paint, or how you express yourselves.” 
consider "indecent or obscene" If you agree that freedom of the arts is vital in 

‚And though such censorship seems a democracy please call the toll-free number 
implausible in our society, this well-funded group immediately. When you do, two pre-written 
of extremists has organized a massive campaign Western Union messages in your name will be 


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censorship by intimidation is s.o.p. for the progeny of the meese 
commission—but one company is fighting back 


There is a famous horror story about 
a man who awakens in excruciating 
pain to discover that an insect has 
crawled into his ear and is boring its 
way through his skull. After causing 
weeks of agony, the insect makes its 
way out. The doctor tells the patient 
the good news first: The insect is 
gone. Then he tells the bad news: The 
insect was female—and it laid eggs 
The terrible brood will hatch soon. 

So it is that former AL 
torney General Edwin 
Meese, in the wake of the 
much-publicized Com- 
mission on Pornography 
created his own terrible 
breod, the National 
Obscenity Enforcement 
Unit. Its mission is to de- 
stroy the market place 
for adul films and 
magazines. 

In 1988, the N.O.E.U. 
launched Project Post- 

Porn. ‘Trained by Alan 
Sears, former Meese 
commission executive 
director and a mili- 
tant member of Citi- 
izens for Decency 
Through La 
(Charles ^ Keating's 
gift ong with 

the savings-and_% 
loan debacle—to 
America) the pussy 
posse was primed 10 
crusade ар; 

related speech 

forms. 

The N.O.E.U. brood came to life 
last winter when a Connecticut-based 
movie distributor was indicted for mail- 

Vir 

and Alabama. 

The distributor was forced to plead 
guilty—or pay enormous legal fe 

nding himself 

is didi 10 prove tl 
idco tapes were obscene, beca 
initiated. lawsuits 
the Bible Belt where 1 
good and truly repressed —could 
be rounded up to pass bad judgment on 
the fi Most of the movies had been 


sold without notice, nor had they, when 
shown in a theater, ever been prosecut- 
ed for obscenity. 

The N.O.E.U. maliciously twisted tk 
concept of community standards in or- 
der t0 drive the Connecticut company 
out of business. The Supreme Court 
has ruled that contemporary commu- 
nity standards can be used to declare 
material obscene. Movies that do not 
offend in New York may offend in Utah, 


th. Carolina or north- 


under 


or western № 
ern Alabama. the 
N.O.E.U.s misuse of community stand- 
ards, the whole nation becomes sub- 
ject to the tastes of the least liberated 
со nity. 
Other defenda 


However, 


s, when faced with 
the stagger costs of defending 
themsel than one jurisdic- 
tion, went the way of the Connecticut 
distributor, pleading guilty to obscenity 
ind seuling out of court. Then one 
North Carolina company, PHE, Inc, 
decided to fight back. 

Philip D. Harvey, founder and presi- 


dent of PHE, Inc., is a Harvard gradu- 
ate who became interested in family 
planning while serving as deputy direc- 
tor of CARES program in India in the 
Sixties. He studied family planning at 
the University of North Carolina's 
School of Public Health with a Ford 
Foundation fellowship and launched 
PHE in order to sell condoms and other 
contraceptives through the mail. 

PHE distributes about 2,000,000 

birth-control 

each year and 
birth-control informa- 
tion to its customers. It 
produces a medically ori- 
ented newsletter titled 
“Sex Over 40." 

Because of its orienta- 
tion, the company met 
with an attorney to find 
out just what tbe Govern- 
ment considers obscene. 

The attorney asked 

Patrick Truemen, act- 

ing director of the 

for a set of 
guidelines. Trueman 
declined, saying that 

Fed 

not help c 5 

ply with obscenity laws 

and that to give such 
guidance would itself be 

a First Amendment vio- 
lation. PHE then 
requests 
Freedom of. 
tion Act 
guidelines used in deter- 
mining obscene material. According to 
the FBI, obscene matter consists “only 
of commercially produced por 
phy relating to the sexual exploitation 
of children and commercial adult 
pornography dealing with sado- 
masochism, bestiality and coprophilia 
behavior” 

None of the material distributed by 
PHE violated the guidelines, However, 
the company established an external 
review board of psychiatrists. psycholo- 
gists and sex therapists to pass judg- 
ment on the films and books it sells. 

What was the result of such good 


citizenship? PHE' legal complaint 
stated that "Federal agents from Utah 
and North Carolina and state agents 
from North Carolina jointly conducted 
an extremely intrusive daylong seizure 
of plaintiffs premises, during which 
they posted armed guards at all doors, 
closed the switchboard, ordered all em- 
ployees into a single arca and refused to 
allow employees to leave until cach had 
submitted to an interview, which they 
were told they were not free to refuse. 
The agents refused 10 allow employees 
to speak with their attorneys, including 
a company attorney who had come to 
the premises for the purpose of advis- 
ing employees of their legal rights, 
searched the employees’ personal pock- 
etbooks and purses without warrant 
and over objection and took their pho- 
tographs. The agents broke the locks 
on plaintiff Harvey's desk in order to 
gain access to its contents. The agents 
told the employees that they were in- 
volved in distributing obscenity that 
influenced rapists and child abusers.” 
The Feds served 118 subpoenas and 
seized hundreds of documents. (A Fed- 
eral judge later ruled that the raid had 
been “harassment.”) 

Utah U.S. Attorney Brent Ward then 
began making offers he thought the 
plaintiff couldn't refuse: Harvey could 
avoid multidistrict Federal prosecution 
if he agreed to cease distribution of all 
sexually oriented materials in Utah and 
nationally any magazine, book or un 
rated film containing “mere nudi 
According to the lawsuit, Ward said 
that the plaintiffs could not distribute 
Playboy or books such as The Joy of Sex 
and conceded that Harvey would effec- 
tively have to relinquish his First 
Amendment rights. He stated that he 
wanted PHE “out of the business” alto- 
gether. 

Harvey was eventually indicted and 
went to trial in North Carolina. The 
jury took five minutes to decide that the 
material for which he was in court was 
not obscene; it considered apologizing 
to Harvey for his ordeal. 

The Federal Government continued 
to threaten Harvey with multiple prose- 
cution and his lawyers filed suit in Fed- 
eral court for injunctive relief. They 
asked a judge to call off the attack dogs. 

Martin Garbus, an attorney who has 
represented defendants in Project Post- 
Porn, says of the prosecutors, “Гуе met 
these people. They think [adult movies] 
are worse than cocaine. It's as if the 
past thirty years have not happened in 
this country” 

It's worse than that. It's as if the past 
200 years have not happened. 


ES | i | > A 


Good Housekeeping named the Nineties The Decency Decade, a 
decade in which traditional values regain their status and 
provide the moral foundation for a “more decent America,” Also ex- 
horting “New Traditionalism” is The National Chastity Association, a 
dating service for celibate singles seeking the same. Membership 
buys an index of i iduals from all over the country who agree 
with the Nineteen Desires—a list that rivals the Ten Commandments 
in stringency but stops short of resurrecting scarlet letters. 

The following are the Nineteen Desires: 

1. The desire to appreciate all of the following ideas for their prac- 
tical bencfits, besides freedom from the threat of AIDS and other 
venereal diseases and besides any concept of God and divine law. 

2. The desire to eventually marry. 

3. The desire to be married as opposed to having any sexual rela- 
tionship or commitment outside marriage including “living together.” 

4. The desire to marry someone who will be “in love” with him or 
her throughout life. 

5. The desire to marry someone who will be his or her best friend. 

6. The desire to marry someone to whom hand-holding, kissing, ca- 
ressing and sexual intercourse mean special experiences of mutual, 
exclusive, faithful, romantic love. 

7. The desire to marry someone who will be honest with him or her. 

8. The desire to marry someone who will be faithful to him or her. 


9. The desire that all friendships with people of the opposite sex 
become inactive after marriage, except where the friendships and 
all activities thereof are shared by both marriage partners. 

10. The desire to be married until the death of one of the partners. 

П. The desire to remain unmarried until he or she has been emo- 
tionally autonomous for at least two years; that is, free of emotional 


disorders (such as depression, anxiety and anger) ond behavior dis- 
orders (such as alcohol and drug abuse, eating disorders, sexual ad- 
dictions, smoking, hostility and other compulsive behavior). 

12. The desire to have at least a mental list of qualifications for 
compatibility (mental, physical, sexual, philosophical, behavioral, 
etc.) in choosing his or her marriage partner. 

13. The desire to marry someone who never lies about anything, 
except in cases where someone's life or body is threatened. 

The desire to save the feelings of being “in love" until he or she 
is actually married. 

15. The desire to save hand-holding, kissing, caressing and sexuel 
intercourse until he or she is actually married. 

16. The desire to have nonexclusive (not “steady”) relationships 
while single. 

17. The desire to be very close friends with someone for at least two 
years before even wanting to marry him or her. 

18. The desire to have an engagement period that is no longer than 
is necessary to make wedding arrangements. 

19. The desire to marry someone who shares the above desires. 

If you have any desire left, you may write to The National Chastity 
Association, Р.О. Box 402, Oak Forest, Illinois 60452, for a member- 

UM erwin 


Zn 


N E W 


SFR 


O N T 


whats happening in the sexual and social arenas 


DEEP DISH 


MONTCOMERY—An Alabama prosecu- 
tor went to court in order to pull the plug 
on a New York company, Home Dish 
Satellite Networks, that offered X-rated 
movies to 30 subscribers in Montgomery. 
The grand jury handed down more than. 
500 indictments against Home Dish and 
the three satellite companies that transmit- 
ted its movies, charging them with viela- 
tion of Alabama's obscenity laws, The 


satellite companies immediately cut off 
Home Dish service, leaving the company 
with no transmission capabilities. District 
Attorney Jimmy Evans, a candidate for 
state attorney general, is trying to extra- 
dite four Home Dish officers from New 
York to Alabama to stand trial. The Amer- 
ican Civil Liberties Union of Alabama 
deplored the fact that a Bible Belt prosecu- 
tor could impose local community stand- 
ards on a national company—and force it 
out of business. 


A CLOTHES CALL 


TALLAHASSEE— After the acquittal of a 
defendant in a rape trial in Fort Lau- 
derdale, one juror said about the victim, 
“The way she was dressed, she was asking 
for it.” In response, the Florida house of 
representatives passed a bill forbidding 
the use of a rape victims clothing as evi- 
dence without the victims consent. “A 
woman's clothing is simply inappropriate 
and irrelevant evidence in a rape case,” 
said a lawyer with the Florida A.C.L.U. A 


fashion historian noled that women have 
always been blamed for provoking violent 
crimes against them, “bul I doubt a de- 
Sense altorney would say a man who was 
mugged was ‘ashing for it’ because he 
wore a nice suit and a costly watch.” 


WHO'S WHO IN PROSTITUTION 


NEWARK, NEW JERSEY—Jn an effort to 
shame residents out of using hookers, the 
city council is distributing a newspaper 
listing the names and addresses of prosti- 
tutes and their customers. “There's a great 
demand for these things,” said one council 
member. “People are looking for their hus- 
bands, for their neighbors." Theres also a 
great problem —both Johns and hookers 
are giving police fictitious names. 


RELATIVE DANGER 


WASHINGTON, DC.—À study commis- 
sioned by Congress as part of the 1984 
Missing Childrens Act has found that 
200 to 300 children a year are kidnaped 
by strangers, while 160,000 are abducted 
by family members and 60,000 are kicked. 
out of their homes. The study concludes 
that despite widespread publicity about 
abductions by strangers, the greatest 
threat to children is from their families. 


LAYING RUBBER 


BELVIDERE, ILLINOIS — Some neighbors 
are boycotting a local convenience store 
for making condom sales convenient. The 
owner put a drive-up condom vending 
machine outside the store in order to spare 
teenagers the embarrassment of buying 
condoms from a clerk When residents 
called the police to get the machine re- 
moved, they were told that it was perfectly 
legal. The owner, who didn't understand 
the brouhaha, said, “Whats it hurt- 
img? . . . You don't have to use it.” 


PHONE SEX 


SAN FRANCISCO —The Institute јот Ad- 
vanced Study of Human Sexuality has set 
up a national hotline, with a touch-tone 
menu for answers to the mast commonly 
asked sex questions. The coordinator of 
the project said, “People . . . are usually 
too embarrassed to talk to anyone about 
their sexual concerns. Now, no one, in- 
cluding the phone company, will know 
which messages they listen to.” The num- 


ber is 900-CAN-HEAR. The cost is two 
dollars for the first minute and one dollar 
Jor each subsequent minute. Proceeds will 
go lo Exodus Trust, a nonprofu charitable 
trust for sexual health. 


CONTRACEPTION FACTS 


WASHINGTON, DC—The National Cen- 
ter for Health Statistics reports that 32.5 
percent of women 35 to 44 years of age, 
16.6 percent of women 26 to 34 and 1.6 
percent of women 15 to 24 have been sur- 
gically sterilized. By contrast, only seven 
percent of all men have chosen vasec- 
tomies. The N.C.H.S. also reports that 
18.5 percent of women use the pill. 

Meanwhile, in a survey conducted at 
Brown University, 25 percent of the col- 
lege women questioned said thal condoms 
were their primary form of contraception. 


CONTEMPTIBLE VERDICT 


HARRISON, ARKANSAS—A 21-year-old 
woman was found in contempt of court— 
for failing to wear a bra. Judge Don West 
said, “She was improperly dressed for the 
courtroom, because it was my impression, 
and several other people's impression, that 
her breasts were obviously showing" The 
woman, who was in court for failing to 


return rented video tapes, contended that 
her clothing was not inappropriate: "I 
was wearing a high-nech sweater; it 
wasn't see-through.” The judge, apparent- 
ly in a moment of leniency, did not fine 
her for her attire. 


51 


R 


E 


E R 


CRACK BABIES 
Judith C. Rosen's plea to stop 
ssing pregnant drug addicts 
and to allow them to produce 
ack babies is extremely dis- 
turbing (Crack. Babies and the 
Constitution.” The Playboy Fo- 
rum, May). First, she argues that 
institutionalizing pregnant drug 
s not an appropriate way 
to stop them from addicting 
their fetuses and asks what good. 
it is to separate a drug add 
from her child. The point is to 
stop women from giving birth 
while on illegal drugs. 
ond. she claims that "in 
California. an appallingly low 
14.5 percent of pregnant inc 
cerated women give birth to liv 


Third. she implies that a drug 
addict makes a good 
simply because she is female. It is 
time to reject female chauvi 
which assumes that unbridled 
power for women is in the best 
st of children. We live in 
ety that routinely deprives f 
and loving fathers of their right 
to parent, but we are too afraid to 


ism, 


PEXKSUME 


THOUGHT 


"Now that the fear of nuclear war has dimin- 
ished, the fear of art—and the change the best art 
promotes—has increased. Locked i 
tive mode as the world order 
America convinces itself it’s on the move by c. 
ng a big stick 
cannot win and a w. 


о two campaigns 
inst the 


a self-protec- 
constitutes itself, 


e expression 


less people in our society. I agree 
that presumptions aw cheap. Not 
all females are great mothers, but 
not all drug addicts are lousy ones. 

Of course we should discourage 
women and athletes (and everyone 
else) from using dangerous drugs 
However, if an athlete is known to 
take drugs, he enters a drug reha- 
bilitation program. So il should be 
Jor pregnant women addicts. 

The probem of drug-exposed ba- 
Ines will not be solved by pitting 
males against females, nor will it be 
solved by throwing pregnant wom 


en into jail with the justification. 
that men, too, are badly treated. We 
can help addicted mothers and their 
families by adminitering treat 
ment—nol meting oul punishment 


An ironic footnote to “Crack 
Babies and the Constitution” is 
wr ch th: 
mothers who hı 
g pregnancy 


shows that 


es born 


opment 
from the study tha 
the babi 
ronmental ¢ 
addi 
me 

ing. 


problems. I 
the proble 
s have stem from 


nv 


uses; il mothers 
e given treat 
and help in child rear 


their will. benefit 


ied to crack a 


babies 


limit the rights of obviously unfit of ideas when they threaten the status quo . ... and immeasurably 
mothers. our mythical existence as a Kinder, gentler nation. 1 Gordon 
Fourth, we force drug tesis on “IF America is in danger of crumbli Winnipeg. Manitoba 
s role because of [Robert] Mapplethorpe's explicit photo- 
child to graphs of nude homosexuals or the use of the F KISS OF LIFE 
id of fe word by this or that h metal band. Is because "Oral Argument” — (News- 


addicted pregnant women, even 
though we know that they will 
lead a child to drugs. 
dric Hayward. 
Executive Director 
Men's Rights. Inc. 
ramento, California 
Judith Rosen replies: Institutinalizing 
pregnant drug addicts simply makes a treat- 
able health problem a law enforcement 
problem—and that is no help ta mother or 
baby. In spite of evidence that pregnant 
women in prison. frequently have serious 
medical problems requirmg a doctors atten- 
tion, few prisons provide either adequate or 
quality health care, thus injuring mother 
and baby. (In fact, in California and, un- 
doubtedly, in other states, not only dow 
en weer madequate health car 
receive. ewn less adequate care than 
male prisoners.) 


"- 
they 


of institutionalized ео 
curiosity and their will to look beyond. surfa 
truths.” 


о quash people's honest 
ce 


The Playboy Forum, April) 
ican Heart Associ- 


Ы tion's recommendation that “lay- 
toy SACHS, columnist, men performing CPR. skip the 
Chicago Sun-Times mouth-to-mouth and concen- 


In California, only 44.5 percent of incar- 
cerated pregnant women give birth to live 
babies. That figure excludes Ihe number of 
women who choose abortion. In Alameda 


Califorma County Jail alone, women scho 
carry a fetus past the 20th week have a mis- 
carriage rate of 73 percent, 

Women who find themselves in a cold. 
dark cell without adequate prenatal oy med- 
„ or who have their babies take 
from them, would argue with Hayward’ as 
sessment that they have 
In fact, the women scho are targeted for in 
carceration are poor women and women of 
color—tyfucally the most politically power 


ical са. 


“unbridled power" 


trate on chest compression to 
keep the heart pumping” to 
avoid a "theoretical risk" of AIDS. Lama 
paramedic and C. PR. instructor. Man- 
ally circulatin, in's blood by chest 
«C administering 
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to provide 
oxygen is inadequate. 1 cant imagine 
that the A H.A. issued that recommen- 


a vic 


compression withe 


Thomas A. Staudacher 

Flushing, Michigan 
Nonetheless, il did. However, to alleviate 
everyonés concerns, there is a new ATDS- 
proof surgical mask 


vith a one-way. valve 


providing a no-contact "lip seal” (called 


R E S 


the Kiss of Life) mow available for 
paramedics and laymen. ШУ also worth not- 
ing that there are no confirmed cases of 
transmission of the AIDS virus through 
mouth contact. 


PORN AND RAPE 

In a 1984 paper, two respected sociolo- 
gists compared rape rates and sales of 
sexually oriented magazines state by 
and seemed to find an ominous 
nection. Three years later. the 
searchers presented the assumptions that 
they thought might explain the causal 
relationship they had found between 
pornography and 

The first assun 
inforces sexism and male domi 
the second was that porn objectif 
women and thereby defi 
propriate targets of viole 
was that pornography frequ 
sexual violence. The third 
open to debate and the researchers 
elves noted that other studies had 
found no link betwe 
and soft-core pornogr 
two arguments possessed the kind. ol 
e logic that might establish 
pornography as socially h: К 
any case, the conclusions. were highly 
agreeable to some feminists and 
fundamentalists and were accepted as 
gospel by the Meese Commission on 
Pornography. 

Now it appears that these and similar 
studies had a fatal flaw—all used state- 
wide rape and magazine-circulation 
figures. When a Wake Forest University 
sociologist, Cynthia 5. Gentry, decided to 
use standard metropolitan statistical 
cl of entire states to examine 
tion between pornography 
she found no link. She rea- 
1 state-wide figures had to dis- 
regard known residential, geographic 
and social factors associated with rape 
and the smaller the unit of measu 
ment. the more likely those I 
beh ied. In her paper 
phy and Rape: An Em 
delivered before the Americ 
ninology, Ge 
ape to be not 
bul population density, percentage of 
young adults, divorce rate and popula- 
tion change the factors long recog- 

zed by eri 


pe 
ption was that porn re- 
" 


ics them as ap 
the third 
ics 


tors would 


of 


social dis 
and the 


When some Cal 
with safe-sex 


guests 


rnia hoteliers objected to provi 
its containing condoms, the national Freedom 
from Religion Foundation stepped in. According to an ERRE. 


spokesman, the innkeepers “were offended by the presence of 
condoms, and we thought, What could be more offensive than the 
presence of Bibles?" Its mission—to get rid of the Bibles, which 
are stocked in an estimated 95 percent of the nation's 2,500,000 
hotel and motel rooms. To that end, the FER.F sent letters to more 
than a dozen major hotel chains, insisting that customers be given 
the option of Bible-free rooms. The foundation argued that the 
Bible contains much “pornographic and bloodthirsty language,” 
makes “gruesome, unsavory bedtime reading” and is often used 
to justify atrocities against heathens by God-fearing Christians. 
“If someone truly cannot survive without a daily dose of Scrip- 
tures," said the spokesman, "we feel sure they will take precau- 
tions to travel with their Bibles.” 

Annoyed that its 80-year-old bedside-Bible tradition was get- 
ting unfavorable attentian, a manager of the Nashville-based 
Gideons International declared that G.I. proudly distributes some 
700,000 Bibles to hotels and motels annually and reaffirmed that 
“our obj is to get the Scriptures into every room.” 

The American Bible Society seconded that idea: “As far as we're 
concerned, any place is an appropriate place for a Bible.” 

However, the Council for Democratic and Secular Humanism 
came out on the side of the EER.F, observing that “historically, re- 
igious minorities have suffered at the hands of Christians who 
have used the Bible to justify their actions. Innkeepers could be a 
ttle more sensitive to . . . their clientele who might not find the 
bedside Bible as comforting as Christian customers do.” 

Conceding that not all travelers are Christian, the more aca- 
demic-oriented Society of Biblical Literature in Denver proposed 
keeping the Bible and stocking hotel and motel rooms with other 
religious texts, including the Koran, the Talmud and Buddhist 
sutras. Something for everybody—except the atheists, who 
raised the issue in the first place. 

Finding no support from either the Bible or lodging industries, 
the FFR.F has decided that if you can't enjoin ‘em, lick ‘em. It is 
now producing Bible warning labels for its 3000 members to use 
on any Bibles inflicted on them by hoteliers. 


2 cour M, 
Y es 


ҮН ТЫБ BOOK 
lY ENDANGER 
mn HEALTH ANO! eA 


7697 2 


Which at least gives them the last word on the matter. So far. 


ANATOMY OF A 


wages a religious campaign—with letters 
that get curiouser and curiouser 


April 1, 1988 
Mr. Charles Nirenberg, Chairman 
Dairy Mart, Inc. 


Dear Mr. Nirenberg: 
On behalf of the City of Ravenna, I would like to welcome Dairy Mart to the Ravenna 
Community. 
1 like your slogan, "the good people” store. 1 know that the people who are employed in 
the local Dairy Mart stores are good people. This is evident by the noticeable cleanliness of the 
stores both inside and out. Also, the courteousness extended to each customer is appreci- 
ated. . .. 
However, there is one area of the Dairy Mart business that troubles me. That is the sale of 
pornographic magazines. Quite frankly, 1 am surprised that Dairy Mart chooses to sell pornogra- 
phy, being a "good people” business. . . 
As Mayor and Safety Director for the City of Ravenna, I am concerned for the safety, health and 
welfare of the Ravenna citizens and their families. After extensive personal research on the effects (phys- 
ical and emotional) that obscene materials have on individuals, [I believe] without any doubt in my mind, 
that obscene material, which includes pornography, does not promote the safety, health and welfare of the Ravenna citizen. In fact, 
pornography promotes just the opposite: the improper and perverted view of human sexuality—which has an immoral, debilitat- 
ing and destructive effect on individuals and their families. God designed human sexuality to be good and wholesome between 
husband and wife only. Sexual intimacy in a marriage is just one of many beautiful ways of expressing the love the married couple 
have for each other. Pornography transforms human sexuality from love to lust. 


City of Ravenna 


Sincerely, 
Donald J. Kainrad, Mayor 


April 8, 1988 


Dear Mayor Kainrad: 

1 appreciate the time you took to write to me about the “good people” of Dairy Mart and our stores in Portage County, Ohio. 
Ме work hard to make them clean, neat, full and friendly, and it's great to know people like you value our efforts. 

Clearly, too, you have also voiced concerns about our stores’ selling adult-oriented magazines. . . . Assume for an instant that 
the reasons you so eloquently state for not selling adult magazines are heeded and acted upon by every possible outlet for those 
magazines. Where do we draw the line? Where do we stop dictating values? Shouldn't cigarettes be removed from sale to avoid 
al harm, or alcohol, or even milk (high cholesterol), for that matter? 

If we remove ourselves from the rights of choice, then any governmental body or a committee of a select few can dictate what 
we read, eat, wear or do fora living, I don't think you are a proponent of that form of government. . . . 

It was in this spirit of democracy, free speech and the American way that we put the issues you brought up to a vote . . . to 
anyone who came to our stores, 10 our customers. In a well-publicized and certified election, people entering our stores all over 
Ohio were given the right to vote adult magazines in or out. Overwhelmingly, the vote indicated that the consumers want the right 
to choose whether or not they buy adult magazines 

Mayor Kainrad, 1 am not trying to be combative with you ing to engage in a running discourse on the subject 
But I do respect your position. I hope you respect the position of all American consumers of their right to decide for themselves 
what they want to purchase. 


Very truly yours. 
Charles Nirenberg, € ап of the 
Board and Chiel Executive Officer 
DAIRY MART CONVENIENCE STORES, INC. 


City of Ravenna 
— 


June 29, 1988 


The Citizens for Decency of Portage 
County, of which Lam cochairman, will not 
and cannot stand idly by while Dairy Mart 
continues to pander this filth and obscenity 
in our communities. .. . 

Lam enclosing the first of many full-page 
newspaper advertisements calling for the 
boycott of Dairy Mart stores in Portage 
County, Also, random picketing will begin 
at some of the stores. We do not wish to take 
this type of action against Dairy Mart. But 
what choice have you given us? 

Sincerely, 
Donald J. Kainrad, Mayor 


At this point, Nirenberg referred 
Kainrad's correspondence to Skipp Por- 
teous, editor of The Freedom Writer, a 
national newsletter that defends the sep- 
aration of church and state. 

Porteous told Kainrad to stop his 
campaign against Dairy Mart, resign or 
face legal action. The mayor agreed to 
stop using city resources 10 promote his 
religious views—but did not stick to his 
agreement. At last report, Kainrad was 
ng Ohio attorncy general Antho- 
ny J. Celebrezze, Jr., for his pro-choice 
stance, again writing letters on city sta- 
tionery: 

“There is no middle ground on this 


September 28, 1989 


Dear Mr. Nirenberg: 

1 personally have a strong faith in the Lord, my God—Jesus! He is my 
source of joy, peace and strength and wisdom in every arca of my life. I rely 
on the spiritual wisdom and knowledge of God to direct my personal and 
professional life. 

There is a Biblical principle that cannot be altered—“Be not deceived; 
God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap" 
(Galatians 6:7). 

Mr. Nirenberg, God is not mocked! Dairy Mart is sowing poison and 
destructive seeds in our society through the sale of pornography; and Dairy 
Mart will reap the bitter consequences. Dairy Mart has sowed to the wind 
“iniquity” and will reap the whirlwind of despair, confusion and economic 
hardship. 

God cannot and will not bless the Dairy Mart Corporation or any other 
business that willfully violates His Commandments. I am sure you have 
heard the Commandment of God “Thou shall not commit adultery.” 
Pornography is sexual immorality and adultery. . . - 

Mr. Nirenberg, do you feel that sexual immorality is normal and natural? 
Cod has said, “Woe unto them that call evil good and good evil; that put 
darkness for light, and light for darkness . . ” (Isaiah 5:20). 

I respectfully request that you please give serious thought as to what has 
been revealed to you. If you truly care about the future of the Dairy Mart 
Corporation, and want the return of God's blessings, you must remove all 
forms of pornography from your stores. If there is any other business 
activity that you know in your heart is displeasing to God, you need to stop 
and redirect those activities in the light of God's Commandments. 

I think it is important for you to know that for the past one and a half 
years, there has been an active boycott of the local Dairy Mart stores in 
Portage County. The Citizens for Decency of Portage County executive com- 
mittee (of which I am a member) called for the county-wide boycott, and the 
boycott will continue until the pornography is removed. 

Sincerely, 
Donald J. 


ainrad, Mayor 


serious issue of life. You either acknowl- 
edge and support human life at concep- 
tion as our Creator God has designed or 
you don't. I do not believe in the smoke- 
screen fallacy of pro-choice. You are 
either pro-life or pro-death. God or- 
dained and established human govern- 
ment. Those of us who are government 
officials are placed in these positions by 
God. Therefore, we are not only respon 
sible to our constituents but are prim: 
responsible to Him (our Heavenly Fa- 
ther), For the well-being of our country, 
we need to support and defend the moral 
laws of God. We should not, for the sake 
of political convenience and votes, set 


aside, ignore or deny the laws of God or 
the Almighty God Himself. 

Kainrad, who told The Freedom Writer, 
“There is not a separation of church and 
state,” obviously has missed the point of 
the First and Mth Amendments. 

In a recent editorial, The Freedom 
Writer said, “We respect Donald Kain 
rad's right to pursue his religious ideals, 
but as an clected representative of the 
city of Ravenna, he should not create the 
impression that the city of Ravenna 
endorses any religious view, for this 
action is violative of our Constitution.” 

If you don’t understand that, Mayor 
Kainrad, you shouldn't be mayor. 


Pepin by parra НЕА, 


They soy the debate is about Government funding: 
Should the Government pay for things that some 
citizens find obscene, offensive or blosphemous? Of 
course it should. It paid for the Meese commission, 
nuclear weopans and part of Pat Robertson's cam- 
paign for President. That is the nature of pluralism 

The real debate is about whether or not artists — 
those private-sector practitioners of free expres- 
sion—should be allowed to include sex in the palette 
of humon experience. Why should sex be the one 
area of human experience not celebroted or ex- 
plared by the arts? 

These cartoonists got behind the rhetoric and pos- 
turing of the Reverend Donald Wildmon/Jesse Helms 
confrontation with the National Endowment for the 
Arts. 

IF you give ortists the right of free expression, the 
next thing you know, everyone will wont it. 


(оду Have To Sian ee 
AN AFFIPAIT 

That He кутт. 
THINKING aer Ser. 


Reprinted by pormssion, NEA 


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i 


Reporter's Notebook 


OF SAVIORS AND LOANS 


charles h. keating, ут, moral zealot, made our faith 


Live long enough and you may get to 
write about a guy who starts out crusading 
against hotpants and ends up at the center 
of the biggest financial scandal in history. 
Charles H. Keating, Jr, has had exactly 
that career. How he found time to rule on 
other people's sex lives and still satisfy his 
own inordinate lust for moncy is a wonder. 

The Government bail-out of Keating's 
Lincoln Savi will most likely be the 
costliest of the 1000-odd savings-and-loan 
failures that should run taxpayers between 
350 and 500 billion dollars. Thats an 
amount equal to all Government spending 
on education for the next four years. 
Where did the money go? Federal bank 
regulators say simply that. Kcating led a 
racketeering scheme that enriched his 
family while it destroyed his institution. 

Keating, who had no background in 
thrifts when he got into this racket and 
who, in fact, had been in trouble with the 
SEC a decade earlier, first received an ea- 
ger welcome from the Government regula- 
tors because of his strong moral reputation 
among influential people. When The Wall 
Street Journal asked, “How could Washing- 
ton have been so stupid?” in its lead stc 
analyzing the Keating debacle 
swered, “The nation's top thrift-industry 
regulator saw Charles Keating, Jr., as a 'pil- 
lar of his community?” Alan Greenspan, 
who oversaw the thrift cleanup as chair- 
man of the Federal Reserve, and five US. 
Senators testified to his virtue. The Arthur 
Little accounting agency gave him a clean 
bill of health. All of which seemed less im- 
pressive when it was subsequently revealed 
that (A) the Senators had received more 
than $1,000,000 from Keating among 
them and (B) the Arthur Little partner 
who had supervised the Keating audits 
then went to work for Keating for 
$1,000,000 a year. 

This “pillar of the community” stuff is 
the great cop-out of white-col 
is the demarcation, as Woody Guth: 
sang, between those who rob with a s 
shooter and those who rob with a fountain 
pen, Keating’s financial capers required 
the cloak of virtue provided by his 
tivity, mostly his antiporn crusades, For in- 
stance, the controller for the Sisters of 
Charity of Cincinnati who may have kissed 
off $572,000 of the nuns’ money by going 
for Keating's promise of a 12 percent 
yield cited his reputation for virtue as 


in bankers seem obscene 


opinion By ROBERT SCHEER 


justification of an investment of funds oth- 
erwise intended to service the sisters 
throughout the country 

Irs no coincidence that the nuns are 
headquartered in Keating's native Cincin- 
nati, where he has been protecting the 
public innocence since 1956, when he 
launched Citizens for Decent Literature 
(since renamed Citizens for Decency 
Through Law and run from an office near 
wherever his business is). The city is now 
widely acknowledged to be the uptight 
capital of America, banning art exhibits 
and X-rated movies alike, implying, as 
censors always do, that they are the same. 

Cincinnati is where Keating's heart is. 
Indeed, future historians of the decline of 
American morals will no doubt be grateful 
to New York Daily News columnist Gail 
Collins for ret 


school assembly "Men get lewd, s 
thoughts when they see women wearing 
shorts, Keating told [our school] in a pierc- 
ing. nasal voice. And those bad thoughts 
marked down as sins on the girls’ 
tual ledgers, since they provide the oc- 
F Nor was it just the erotica of 


ing as having warned the stu- 
dents at Seton High that “Bermuda shorts, 
100, can be an occasion of sin.” 

Keating's antisex crusade has had its re- 
versals. His was a shrill but minority voice 
on the 1970 President's commission on 
pornography. The commission concluded 
that depictions of adult sexual acti 
ought to be free of censorship and Keating 
ne unglued, charging his colleagues 


In his dissent, Keating provided wor 
relevant to hi friends’ current 
predicament. “Credit the American public 
with enough common sense,” he wrote, 


to get dirty Thi tuitive knowledge. 
Those who will spend millions of dollars to 
se must be malicious or mis 
both.” 

as if we've heard the same 
message a lot from those who moralize the 
loudest and per the most h 
ing made donations to 
of the comm 
Bruce Ritter [of Cove 
blessed him in no uncerta 


But is this fair? Docs this fanatic prud- 
ery have anything to do with the crimes 
these men were ultimately charged with? 

With Keating, it has everything to do 
with them. His dream project—to build a 
ty of 100,000 near Phoenix, Arizona, 
called Estrella—foundered on his curious 
effort to control the personal morality of 
the new community's potential inhabitants, 
“The projects declaration of covenants, 
conditions and restrictions granted Estrel- 
la's board of directors the authority to re- 
move individual private property that it 
considered obscene. Most bizarre of all was 
a clause barring any resident of Estrella 
from “intentionally terminating a human 
pregnancy.” Keating changed the require- 
ments afier the Phoenix Gazette broke the 
story of the covenants, 

And recently, Keating waged a long and 
costly campaign to close down the Orange 
County Mitchell Brothers Theater, which 
showed the Mitchells’ soft-core-porn clas- 
sies but, unfortunately, shared a shopping 
plaza with a branch of Lincoln Savings. 
Kea 


s shown at the theater 
that they claimed “caused personal of- 
tense, outrage and emotional distress,” not 
to mention exposing customers and em- 
ployees of Lincoln “to immoral, corrupt- 
ing and degrading influ 
ГА bet that Lincoln's former employees, 
who now have ample time to attend the 
movies, might conclude that obscenity i 
the eye of the beholder. Keating, of co 
spent many of his nonworking hours 
hunting for obscenity 
pants and in X-rated movies. But what he 
did in his S&L i jous obscenity 
than what went on at the theater. By com- 
parison, the Mitchell brothers seem to me 
upstanding capitalists. They pay their rent 
on time and sell enough tickets, fair and 
square in the market place, to do so. 
Keating went another route, Invigorat 
ed by the promise of Reaganomics, and 
the connivance of the junk-bond 
Drexel, Burnham, Lambert, he 


псе” 


a woman's hot- 


à more ol» 


with 


borrowed $51,000,000 and took over Lin- 


coln Savings, a sober and prosperous Cal 
ornia savings and loan with one billion 
dollars in assets—meaning other peoples” 
savings. Four years later, 22,000 small in- 
vestors had irretrievably lost $200,000,000 
savings and (concluded on page 165) 


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PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: RICKEY HENDERSON 


a candid conversation with baseball’s ace lead-off man about billy and 
george, hustling and hot-dogging and making smoke on the base paths 


Ever since he hit the big leagues, outfielder 
Rickey Henderson of the Oakland Athletics 
has thrilled his fans—and dismayed his de- 
tractors—with his audacious base running 
and blazing speed. This season, he broke Ty 
Cobb's lifetime record of 892 stolen bases and, 
barrmg injury, could well top Lou Brocks 
all-time record of 938. 

Nor is Henderson any slouch at the plate. 
Nearing summers. All-Star break, he and 
slugger teammate Jose Canseco led the As at 
the plate, regularly batting in the 333 neigh- 
borhood. A lifetime 290 hitter, Henderson 
can spray lo all fields or hit for power into the 
seats. Its on the base paths, of course, that 
Henderson, now a grizzled veteran of ЗІ, 
works his magic. He can still sprint like a 
whippet; this season, facing the Yankees, he 
scored from second on a routine grounder to 
shortstop. And in a game against Baltimore, 
he tagged up from third base and crt 


sed 
home plate—on a pop-up to shortstop Cal 


Ripken, Jr Orioles manager Frank Robinson 
was appropriately frustrated. “You see the 
ball,” he told The New York Times, “see Cal 
drifting, and then you look hack at Rickey 
hind of easing bach to third base, like, Um not 
going to try to score.” But you know he will.” 

Opposing teams can often do little but 
stare, knowing hes going to steal but helpless 
to stop him. The impact of that explosive 
speed—indeed, of all aspects of Henderson's 


“People get pissed off about the money players 
make. But if they're out there producing like 
superstars, they deserve the money. Players 
who just get by and сағи as much as the su- 
perstars—theyre the guys who are overpaid.” 


play—was never more apparent than during 
last falls American League Championship 
Series, which pitted the As against the Toron- 
to Blue Jays. In the course of Oakland’ five- 
game triumph, Henderson hit 400, stole 
eight bases (a new play-off record), whacked 
two home runs, was voted the A.L.C.S.' Most 
Valuable Player and totally bewitched, both- 
ered and bewildered the Blue Jays. His base 
running was the single most important factor 
in the play-offs, much to the chagrin of Toron- 
lo outfielder Lloyd. Moseby, who has known 
Henderson since they were both children 
growing up in Oakland. “Rickey hasn't 
changed since he was a little kid,” Moseby 
told a reporter. “He could strut before he 
could walk, and he always lived for the lights. 
When he was ten, we used to say, ‘Don't let 
Rickey get to you, because thats his game. 
Twenty years later, Um telling my teammates 
the same thing, But it didn't do much good.” 

In the earthquake-shaken Bay Bridge 
World Series against the San Francisco Gi- 
ants in 1989, Henderson remained red hot: 
He hit 474 (including a double, two triples 
and a home vun) and surely would hane Ча- 
len more than three bases if Oakland hadn't 
swept the Giants in four games. When the 
dust had settled, he had turned in the most 
sensational spurt of post-season play since 
Reggie Jackson's dinger days for the As and 
the Yankees. 


“When 1 was a little-lcaguer, Mom always 
used to say, If you don't come home dirty, you 
didn't play a baseball game.’ So always tried 
to slide so that I could go home dirty. Thats 
why I started stealing bases.” 


Yet, if Oakland’ victory was sweet, it was 
also a personal vindication for Henderson, 
who, during the first few months of the sea- 
son, had been tagged over the hill and past 
his peak, even washed-up, by sportswriters; 
his employers at the time, the New York Yan- 
kees, apparently agreed. In ane of the worst 
trades in modern baseball, New York unload- 
ed Henderson to the As—the team with whom 
he had started his careex—in return for jour- 
neymen pitchers Eric Plunk and Greg 
Cadaret and outfielder Luis Polonia. 

Henderson, stunned by the trade—he'd hit 
а solid 305 the year before—was further 
bothered by New York sportswrilers, who im- 
plied it couldn't have happened to a more de- 
serving guy. Henderson was а showboal; he 
didn't have a good attitude; he didn't hustle; 
he wouldn't play when he didn't feel like 
playing His most vitriolic critics charged him 
with being petulant, cocky, narcissistic—the 
embodiment of everything the press abhors 
in modern athletes whose ability to excel 
affords them the luxury of becoming multi- 
millionaires. 

Then, of course, came that championship 
season with Oakland. And the M. award. 
And the World Series ring And—oh, yes— 
the last laugh. 

Born on Christmas Day, 1958, Rickey Hen- 
ley Henderson was one of five sons and two 
daughters raised by their mother, Bobbie. Before 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MICHAEL ZEGARIS 
“Billys problem was that he was a dichard 


Yankee—that team was his heart and soul, 
his love; everything was the Yankees. When 
he went to a bar, if somebody said, ‘Hey, Mar- 
tin, the Yankees such, he'd fight him.” 


61 


PLAYBOY 


settling. in Oakland, the family lived in 
Arkansas for five years, where Henderson fell 
in love with football. He was a powerfully 
built 5' 10/2" running back in high school 
and was named to Oakland’ all-city starting 
football team as a junior and a senior. He re- 
ceived about two dozen offers for college foot- 
ball scholarships and finally picked Arizona 
State, which had a good football program and 
also had produced baseball players such as 
Reggie Jackson and Sal Bando. Fate inter- 
vened when Henderson was drafted by the 
Oakland As. When his mother insisted that he 
choose baseball over football, Rickey burst in- 
to tears. "I was giving up something that 1 
loved the most,” he says today, “No way 1 
wanted to give up football. Pd been timed at 
four point three seconds in forty yards, which 
is great speed today, so think about what it 
was considered fourteen years ago. I think 
that if Га stuck with football, 1 could have 
played both sports. Sometimes I even think 1 
could've been Bo Jackson before Bo Jackson. 
And then you would have seen all those ads 
saying, “Rickey knows football." 

To interview the man who knows football 
well but baseball much better, Playboy sent 
Srequent contributor Lawrence Linderman to 
Phoenix, where Henderson and the As had 
Just started a spring training abbreviated by 
the baseball lockout. Linderman reports: 

“In one respect, Rickey Henderson is virtu- 
ally unlike any other multimillion-dollar ath- 
lete today. He is frankly ambivalent about 
talking to the press and sees no need to employ 
a phalanx of public-relations types to issue 
interview turndowns on his behalf; hes per- 
Жейу willing to do that himself When 1 
showed up just before a Friday-night gane, 
Henderson—a_ great-looking guy, by Ihe 
way—was more than a little startled and 
made it clear that he'd prefer not to do any 
talking. | then reminded him that Kathy Ja- 
cobson, the As director of media relations, 
had extracted a promise from him to sit for the 
interview That changed everything; Rickey 
takes his promises seriously. 

We began our first session the next day but 
were forced to cut it short when Rickey an- 
nounced that he was scheduled to make a trip 
back to San Francisco for a surprise birthday 
visit to his longtime companion, Pamela 
Palmer, the mother of has five-year-old daugh- 
ter, Angela. Palmer, Rickey explained, was 
the love of his life; they'd been together for 14 
years and were finally getting around to dis- 
cussing marriage. ‘I'm working on it,’ he said. 

“I joined him on the flight to San Francis- 
co, and thats when our conversations really 
got going” 


PLAYBOY: Топу La Russa, thc manager of 
describes you as perhaps 


day. Don Mattingly, the New York Yankees’ 
All-Star first baseman, says that you ter- 
rorize opposing teams. What are these 
guys talking about? 

HENDERSON: I think they're talking about 
my aggressiveness on the base paths. Whi 
1 get on first base, pitchers pay a lot oí 
tention to what I'm doing. They don't want 


me to steal second on them, and tha 
feres with their concentration and, 
times, their choice of pitches to the hitters 
who follow me—Carney Lansford and 
Jose С ake a mistake with those 
hurt you. 

So, yeah, 1 like to disrupt the pitcher, but 
the thing I like best is stealing base: 
geu yself into scoring position. And 
m able to create runs. In one 
st Cleveland last year, I walked 
twice, stole second and third twice and 
scored both times on sacrifice flics. La Rus- 
sa came up with a name for that. 

PLAYBOY: Which was? 
HENDERSON: He calls it The Rickey Rally: a 
walk, two stolen bases, and then we score 
on a grounder or a sacrifice fly without get- 
tinga hit. 
PLAYBOY: Why are you so enamored of 
stealing bases? 
HENDERSON: Probably ‘cause I've been do- 
ing it all my life. When 1 was a little-lea- 
guer, 1 was sort of famous for that—and it 
arted only because my mom wanted to be 
e where | was in the afternoons. Mom 
always used to say, “If you don't come home 
dirty, you didn't play a baseball game.” So 1 


“After the game, Lou 


came up to me and said, 


‘Rickey, yowre going to 
be the one to break my 


record. That was a shock.” 


always tried to get in a situation where 1 
had to slide so that 1 could go home dirty 
That's the first reason I started stealing 
bases so much. Then, when I was in high 
school, 1 had a counselor named Miss 
Wilkinson, who was real fond of baseball 
and of me. She always challenged me by 
saying, Lll give you a quarter for every 
base you steal." Miss Wilkinson was actual- 
ly making sure I had a little extra lunch 
money. And then, when 1 got out of high 
school, 1 signed with the d I played 
rookie ball for Tom Trebelhorn [now the 
manager of the Milwaukee Brewers] in 
Boise, Idaho. More ıhan anyone elsc, he 
was responsible for making me the base 
stealer I became. 
PLAYBOY: In what 
HENDERSON: "lom made me learn what 
pitchers do to keep runners close to first 
basc and how to get a jump on them. He 
spent lot of time teaching me. When we'd 
have a night game, ГА mect him at the ball 
park at one-th ; he'd rake the infield 
dirt and then get on the mound and show 
me the different moves a pitcher would 
make. After that, we'd go over to first base, 
and he'd show me how to get a good jump 


on all those moves. And I got results, 
When 1 played in the minor leag 
and the seasons there are shor 
the major leagues—my highest m 
stolen bases was ninety-five, and J told my- 
self that when I reached the majors, Га 
steal a hundred. In BO, my first full y 
with the As, I did steal a hundred bases, 
and that made me very, very happy. 
PLAYBOY: At that point, did you begin 
thinking you might one day set the major- 
с record for stolen bases? 
HENDERSON: No, that didn't happen until 
my second year. Lou Brock saw me steal a 
couple of bases in a game we played 
against Boston. Afterward, Lou came up 
to me and said, “Rickey, you're going to be 
the one to break my record.” That was a 
shock to me, because I was just starting out 
and I knew Brock had stolen nine hundred 
and thirty-eight bases. When he said that, I 
thought, Wow, that’s a record that's never 
supposed to be broken, but he chose me to 
That's when I began concentrating 
g stolen bases my art. 
PLAYBOY: /5 it an art? 
HENDERSON: | think so, h. That's why 
I've always gone out of m yu 10 get tips 
from the masters—Brock, Davey Lopes 
and other players who stole a lot of bases. 1 
also picked up a lot from coaches who 
studied the deliveries and pick-off moves 
of different pitchers—I just kept putting it 
all together with what I already knew. 
PLAYBOY: How much of stealing bases is de- 
pendent on speed versus technique? 
HENDERSON: J think it's really about fifty- 
fifty. You need good speed to steal bases, 
but you also need technique. I see a lot of 
guys who have tremendous speed but no 
technique, so they don't steal a lot of bases. 
Bo Jackson, for ins 
two-step lead and then he flat-out runs— 
pes Il just getting into the game а 
learning. My first year or two in the 
leagues, I used to do the same thing; rd 
take two steps off the base and run. But as 
the years passed and other teams began 
trying to keep me close to the base, I 
couldn't rely only оп my speed. That's 
when all the techniques came inio play. My 
real rivalry is with the pitchers; if you can 
beat the pitcher, you'll always beat the 
catcher, and that really pisses them off. 
PLAYBOY: The pitchers? 
HENDERSON: No, the catchers— talk to all 
of them. [Detroit's] Mike Heath probably 
gets more frustrated than any other catch- 
er in the league when I steal on him. After 
xt time I go to bat, 
"I don't have a chance 
you—that’s why I can't get you. If 
this pitcher would just give me the ball 
good, I'd have a good shot at you." He's 
right, too. 
PLAYBOY: Which pitchers gi 
trouble on the base 


you the most 


p'em all into one catego- 
I's very tough to get great leads 
on left-handers, especially since they've 
started. pausing before they release the 
ball. Lefties now keep that right leg up and 


MO ESTIC 


5 e 
TURKISH EN D 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 

B Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, 

EN t * Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy. 
Л mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by ЕТС methad M : 


PLAYBOY 


wait to see if Tm gonna break for second or 
not, and only then do they throw the ball to 
the plate. That used to be a balk; pitchers 
had to stay in continuous motion. But they 
don’t seem to anymore, so I have to work to 
geta good jump on them. 
PLAYBOY: It's probably not coincidental that 
as you've edged closer to br 
stolen-base record, sportswi 
gun claiming that you're the best lead-off 
hitter in baseball history. Are you? 
HENDERSON: I'm no baseball 
don't really know who did what du 
‘Twenties, Thirties and Forties. There were 
a lot of great players back then, and if 
someone said one of them was the best 
-off man of all time, Га have a hard 
me arguing about it. But as far as mod- 
ern-day players—yeah, I feel I'm the best 
lead-off hitter in the game. 
PLAYBOY: You hold the record for most 
home runs leading off а game—forty- 
three, at last count—and a number of 
baseball insiders believe you could belt at 
least twenty-five homers a year, instead of 
the total of eighteen that you hit in 1988 
and 1989 combined. Are they right? 
HENDERSON: Yes, they are. In 1985, my first 
year with the Yankees, I hit twenty-four 
homers, 1 had cighty stolen bases and for 
most of the year, my batting average stayed 
around .350 until the end, when I dropped 
down to .314. I felt that was a complete 
year, and I told myself, You can do it, Rick- 
ey. You can hit home runs. That ter, 1 
worked just on hitting home runs. I didn’ 
care if my batting average sullered a little; 
my goal in '86 was to go out and hit thirty 
homers. I came close—I hit twenty-eight— 
so 1 know I have the power to hit home 
runs. But my batting average dropped to 
-263, and as a lead-off hitter, my job is to 
get on base. And that means drawing 
walks and hitting for an average. 
PLAYBOY: Whats the difference betwee! 
swinging for power and going for singl 
HENDERSON: I found out that when you try 
for home runs, you swing at a lot of high 
balls and pitches that аге n the strike 
zone. In '86, I was more of a free swinger 
than a lead-off hiuer ought to be. As a 
lead-off hinter, you gotta be patient and 
take pitches that just miss being strikes and 
swing at the right pitch to get your hits. In 
ist at-bat, I'm also trying to show my 
s what the pitcher’ got. L try to 
make him throw every pitch he has. That 
ay, 1 can tell my teammates, “Hey, his 
breaking ball ain't working too good,” or 
“Watch out for his fastball.” By the time 
m finished at the plate, I'll have an idea of 
what hes doing, and so will my teammates. 
PLAYBOY: Last 


York Yankees, d- 


ou were t 


nd in June 


ed to the Oakland Аз. Were you happy 


to be joining the defending American 
League pennant winners? 

HENDERSON: No. I didnt want to change 
teams, but when the Yankees decided to 
trade me, the only place I wanted to go was 
back home to Oakland. The Yankees had 


made a better deal for me with the 
ants—they would've gotten better pitchers 
and beuer players than the As gave up. 
They told me, “We'd like you to go to the 
Giants. The As aren't giving us what we 


want, so forget about them. We're not gon- 


trade you to the As” I said, “Then 
you're not gonna trade me, period. The 
only place l'm going to is Oakland." I was 


in practically the same situation when the 
As waded me to the Yankees before the 
start of the 85 season—1 was going to be a 
free agent at the end of the year, they 
needed my permission to trade me and I 
waste looking to change teams. 

PLAYBOY: But in the early Eighties, didn't 
you say you couldn't become a full-fledged 
playing in Oakland? Didn't you actual- 
ly engineer the deal that sent you to the 
Yankees in 1985? 

HENDERSON: No, I didnt. I did say I'd never 
get national publicity in Oakland, and that 
was the truth—the As were never on na- 
tional TV, On the road, they didnt draw 
crowds like the Yankees and other teams 
did. But that didn’t mean I wanted to be 
traded. The strange thing about it was, I 
was about the only thing Oakland really 
had in the early Eighties, and | was a hero 
all the years I was there. 1 was a ballplayer 
kids looked up to and people were proud 
of. After I left, the fans hated me, but I 
didnt have anything to do with the trade. 1 
didnt want to be traded. 

PLAYBOY: So why did the As trade you? 
HENDERSON: | was going to be a free agent 
alter the '85 season—seems like I've been 
through the same thing twice 一 and the 
club didn't want to spend a lot of money to 
keep me. At the time, the As just didn't 
want to invest any more money in the 
team. The reason was this: In 80, the Haas 
family—the Levis jeans people—and Roy 
Eisenhardt, a part owner and the te: 
president, bought the club f 
Finley just to keep the As in Oakland. 
They weren't sure how long they wanted to 
hold on to the team, so they didnt really 
want to lay out 100 much money. 
dt hoped the city would pitch in and 
m some financial help, but if Oak- 
land didnt, he was going to sell—that was 
his intention. А liule later on, the Haas 
family bought him out, so the As stayed 
Oakland. But before that happened, 
Eisenhardt called me into his office. He 
said, "The best deal for us is to trade you 
for some young players so that we can start 
building something here again. If you 
don't allow us to trade you and we dont 
match the offers you get as a free agent, we 
get nothing." I wanted to be fair with the 
Аз, so 1 said OK. 

PLAYBOY: How come we've never heard this 
version of your trade to the Yankees? 
HENDERSON: Probably because I don't talk 
to the media as much as I should. Anyway, 
Eisenhardt said the As had made a deal to 
cept five players the Yankees were olfer- 
ing for me. I could have said, "Forget it. 
I'm gonna be a free agent. I might be 
worth. more than I can get from the Yan- 


kecs right now, which means you're going 
to get nothing out of it." I didn't, because 1 
understood why he wanted to trade me. 
But deep down inside, I was sad that the 
As were letting me go. And I think we had 
this unspoken understanding. I felt, If I'm 
doing this for you, when you get the team 
back to where you feel its right, you're gon- 
na bring me back home. 
PLAYBOY: Do you think the As felt that way 
as well? 
HENDERSON: I think we all knew that. Dur- 
ing the years I was a Yankee, 1 always 
thought that if anything good happened 
with the As, they'd bring me back home, 
because Га been fair with them and given 
them the opportunity to get some players. 
The trade was in everybody's best inter- 
ests. It helped the A's, and 1 was pretty sure 
that when I became a free agent, the Yan- 
kees were going to get me anyway. 
PLAYBOY: Why? Because you could become 
a national celebrity? 
HENDERSON: The reason was Billy Martin. 
Billy had managed me for three of my five 
years in Oakland, and he used to tell me, 
“You should be a Yankee,” which was the 
greatest compliment he could give a player. 
Billy played a big part in my becoming a 
Yankee. He knew he was going to manage 
the Yankees again, and he felt that we'd 
win a pennant together. In fact, it was Billy 
who made the final decision to get me for 
the Yankees. He told George Steinbrenner, 
“Sign Rickey—dont let him loose.” 
PLAYBOY: What do you remember most 
about Martin? 
HENDERSON: The best thing about Billy is 
that he never stopped trying to teach us. 1 
can remember lots of times when he lost 
his temper after ball games and came into 
the clubhouse and threw stulf around ev- 
erywhere. He'd yell about what we were 
doing wrong, and then when he was done, 
he'd say, “Im not mad at you. Um just try- 
ing to teach you, and I want you to accept 
what I say and learn from it.” And then 
he'd tell us a joke and make us laugh, and 
he'd say, "OK, its all over with. Lers go out 
and have fun. 
Billy was the kind of manager every 
ballplayer would want to play for. When 
you gave it your best, you'd get his respect, 
and once you had Billy's respect, he'd give 
you the shirt off his back. 
PLAYBOY: You were twenty-two years old 
when you started 
Weren't you at all i y 
HENDERSON: | really vt, no. But I kept 
ny distance. 1 just wanted to go out and 
play, and I didn't want to be petted or to 
be the managers favorite guy 1 mainly 
thought, Let me stay away from you, be- 
y jobs diflerent from yours. They 
you, but they cannot fire twenty- 
five players. So during my first year with 
Billy, 1 stayed away from him. But he had 
decided that he was going to know me bet- 
ter, which he did my second year with him. 
PLAYBOY: How? 
HENDERSON: He played a joke on me and 
the team. He called a meeting very early in 


the morning—we hadn't eaten yet. When 
we went into the dining room, everybod 
was starving, and Billy was up there in 
front —and he had food. He started giving 
us this lecture, and did it while he w 
ing. All of a sudden, he said, “Rickey! 
Rickey are you hungry? Do you want 
id, "Oh, yeah, 1 
And then he told 
ack there and get 

г Rickey” Billy said, 
“Now, Rickey, you eat your breakfast, and 
don't give nobody else none.” Everybody 
was mad, but he was just fooling around 
At the end of the day, he told me, 
ted to tick everybody off, becaus 
knew they'd get mad at me and go out and 
play good today" Then he told every! 
on the team to go down to this hotel and 
haye dinner on him. 1 thought that was 
real neat, and thats when we became close 
PLAYBOY: What were his strongest pomts as 
a manager? б 
HENDERSON: Billy was a winner who got the 
best out of his players. When 1 played for 
him in Oakland, we didnt have a great 
team, and the only way we could win was 
by scrapping—we bunted for base hits, we 
squeezed runs in, we hit and ran and we 
stole bases. That was all Billy's xica 一 
the newspapers called it Billy Ball—and if 
we had done anything diffe 
wouldnt have won the Western Divi 
Ue in BI. It was more fun playing that kind 
of ball than it was when he took over the 
Yankees. I just liked the style more, but it 
suited the As, nor the Yankees, who did 
have a lot of great players. 

Besides getting the best out of the play- 
ers he had, Billy was also brilliant about. 
strategy in the late in 
out and kind of do whatew 
the first fiv ‚gs, but he let us all know, 
“The sixth, s th, cighth and ninth in- 
nings belong to mc— Fm gonna make the 
moves, and you're going to carry the 
out.” Hc also protected his players. We 
knew he meant it when he said, “Whatever 
happens, l'll be there with you.” He 
that soul that you're looking for. When 
things go bad, some managers just sit back 
and stare at you, like, "It ain't my fault you 
messed up on a play.” With Billy, when any- 
thing happened—boom!—he was out 
there. We felt he was behind us all the 
time. And he wa: 
PLAYBOY: And his worst points? 
HENDERSON: Drinking and getting into 
fights. Billy's problem was that he л: 
diehard Yankee—that team was his heart 
and soul, his dream; everything 
was the Yankees. When he went to a bar. if 
somebody said, “Hey, Martin, the Yankees 
suck, fight him. 

PLAYBOY: That's what most of his fights 
were about? 

HENDERSON: Oh, y 
always a Yank 


s! In his heart, Billy was 
ome to think of it, even 
when he was managing the A's, if the Yan- 
kees weren't playing well, he'd get more 
pissed off at them than at anything bad we 
doing. He used to tell me, “I gol t 


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PLAYBOY 


back 10 them.” And he did get back to 
them as a manager, because he wanted 
them to be on top. 
PLAYBOY: After you were traded to New 
York, how long did you play for M 
HENDERSON: For about a year—and it was 
spotty. I started in New York with Yogi 
Berra—who was a great manager, by the 
and then Billy me in when 
Yogi was fired. Then Billy got fired and 
Lou Piniella came in, and then Lou was 
fired and Billy came back for a little bit be- 
fore he was fired again and replaced by 
Piniella, who was fired, and then Dallas 
Green came in. 

But Billy w always part 
of the organization. 1 used to ask him to 
come on down to the clubhot 


always around. 


so we 
lk, but he wouldn't do that. He'd 
say, “TI go out and have something to eat 
with you, but I'm not coming around the 
clubhouse.” He didn’t want to be seen as in- 
terfering with the new manager. 

PLAYBOY; What was your reaction to hi 
death in the accident last Christmas? 
HENDERSON: I still get chills and an almost 
crazy feeling when I talk about it—when | 
think about it. 1 lost somebody who I re- 
spected as a manager and loved as a man 


could 


ly died on my birthday—Christmas 
Day—and his death really got to me. | 
tried to think, Oh, that’s a blessing. The 


Lord took him back home where He want- 
ed Billy to be. But it just hurt. It still does. 
[Fights back tears] After it happened, | 
hated to talk about it, because Ud always 
start crying. Billy Martin was a part of me, 
and when I think about him, I always say, 
lost a good man.” But forget me 一 base- 
ball lost a great n 
[Henderson breaks down. We stop our con- 
versation and resume it that evening | 
PLAYBOY: You were pretty upset this after- 
noon 
HENDERSON: I'm all right now, but you 
brought up a sad, sad day. 
PLAYBOY: Let's stay on the subject of the 
Yankees a bit longer. Since George S 
brenner became the team's 
ner, the Yankees have chi 
nineteen times in eighteei 
cently replacing Bucky Dei 
“Stump” Merrill. Whats his problem? 
HENDERSON: 10 tell you the truth, you hear 
a lot of talk about George Steinbrenner do- 
g this, George Steinbrenner doing that, 
but 1 liked playing for him. Basically, 
George is determined to win, just like a 
ballplayer is determined to win— ball 
nes, the pennant, the World Series. And 
he does his best to go ont and get enough 
great players to win it all. Its my opinion 
that George says, "TI go out and get great 
ballplayers to play the game. to score more 
runs than my pitchers are gonna give up.” 
But it dont always work that way Some- 
ies we'd score eight or ten runs, and 
wed wind up losing 10-8, 12-10, scores 
like that. George just isn't into pitching— 
thats what 1 think. I mean, he didnt get 
Jack Morris years ago when Morris was 
available, and he didn't get M 


Carl 


last year. lm not gonna mention any player 
by name, but when some so-so pitcher 
would be a ble, Га say, 3 
never gonna sign this guy” And then he'd 
go out and do just that. Then again. it 
might be because some of the good pitch- 
ers don't want to play for him. 

As far as all the management changes 
he's made, George will tell you, "When I 
hire my managers, I expect them to bring 
me a pennant. If the manager does not 
bring mea pennant, I try somebody else to 
bring me one.” The one thing people don't 
know about George is that he has a strong 
nse of fairness. He doesn't just fire a guy 
and let him go and try to find another job. 
He's got a lot of ex-managers on his pay 
roll, and he's offered all of them jobs. F 
feeling is, Hey, I tried you as m 
it didnt work. | want to make a ch 
I'm not throwing you away: 


on 


ee 


PLAYBOY: You sound as if. 
1. Would y 
HENDERSON: | would, absolutely IF E didnt 
satisfy the As and George wanted me back, 
Га go back. There's one thing I really wish 
he'd change, though: George was never re- 
al critical of mein the newspapers, but 1 do 
know that when he comes down on players 
like Dave Winhield [traded last May to the 
California Angels] and Don Mattingly, he 
feels hes motivating them—that part of 
George will never change, and it should. 
PLAYBOY: How do the players react to и? 
HENDERSON: They feel hurt. They feel that 
even though they give George their best, 
he doesnt respect them. This year, Mat- 
tingly said, “Yes, George Steinbrenner is 
paying me a lot of money, but 1 feel he 
doesn't respect me as а human being. I 
don't think the moncy means that much il 
he doesn't give you any respect.” 


ad play for him 


G= 


But George never really got on me like 
that, because I think he liked the way I 
played. 
PLAYBOY: Then why was he so eager to get 
rid of you 2 
HENDERSO! really George. Syd 
Thrift, the team's senior vice-president, 
thought I was washed up, and so did Dallas 
Green, last year's n 
we had cold, te 
and May—and right away, 1 heard 
people ankees org 
“You're on your way out. You can't do the 
things you used to." 1 sat back and said, 
“How can you tell me that? Last year, I hit 
305, stole ni ^t hrec bases and scored a 
hundred and eighteen runs for you. All of 
asudden, I'm lousy, I cant play, I've lost ev- 
erything? Is that what you think: 
hat what the Yankees thought? 
Thats exactly what they 


thought. And it bothered me and pres- 
sured me and made me doubt myself. Га 
go up to the plate thinking, I've got to 
prove myself, I've got to prove I can still 
hit. Instead of being relaxed and letting 
things flow, I got tense. My contract talks 
were going on—I wanted to have a great 
vear because I was going to be a free agent 
again—and I knew that the worse | 
played, the more people were saying, 
“Rickey’s lost it" 1 really began pressing. 
"Things got so bad that, before every game, 
I prayed that Pd get at least one hit—if 
1 went one for four, I'd actually raise my 
average. I was nervous and 1 was scared. 
PLAYBOY: Were you worried that you might, 
indeed, be finished as a player? 
HENDERSON: Sure | was, and the only way I 
found out E wasn't washed up was through 
the trade. When 1 got to Oak land, I wa 
able to relax and breathe casy again, and 


g 


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Alter the hor- 
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everything just fell into place. 1 liked the 
way the AS handled my situation. When I 
got to Oakland, Sandy Alderson, the As 
general manager, told me not to worry 
abont my ct for "90. “What happens 
your hands,” he said, “but 
ng is whats going on in your 
ax. Don't put no pressure on 
And I didn't 

midating going to a 


yourself” 
PLAYBOY: Was 
team that was the defending champion of 
the American League and favored to go to 
its second straight World Series? 

HENDERSON: The As bad a lot of good play- 


ers, but even though they were the defend- 
ng champs, I always felt they were missing 
a piece of the puzzle. Matter of fact, me 
and my friend Fred Atkins would talk 
about that. When we saw the '88 World Se- 
ries—after Kirk Gibson hit that home run 
to beat the in the first game, and the 
Dodgers went on to win it all—Fred told 
me, “One reason the Dodgers won was be- 
cause the As had all hitters, but nobody got 
on basc or did anything to change the 
game. And you could have done that for 
them.” Made sense to mc. 

PLAYBOY: A number of sportswriters pre- 
dicted that your presence would have an 
unsettling influence on the As. What kind 
of reception did you get? 

HENDERSON: lı couldn't have been better. 
When 1 got to Oakland, the As knew what 
kind of player I was. They let me know 
that they respected me and believed in me, 
and that they understood what Pd been 
going through. When I walked in, 1 told 
п, "I'm here to help you get back to the 
World Series." That was a big day for me 
the As welcomed me and appreciated me, 
ıd that gave me even more incentive to 
de right by the team 
PLAYBOY: No personality conflicts? 
HENDERSON: No, none, and I'm playing 
with some very famous guys. Dave Stewart 
d E grew up together in Oakland and 
ve know ach other since we both 
played Connie Mack ball. Jose Canseco, to 
me, is one of the best damned guys in the 
game. People don't have any idea of what 
he's like, because some stuff about him has 
been blown way out of proportion. He 
bought himself a red 
little too fast. Big deal. Jose's a good guy, 
hasa good sense of humor. But the real co- 
median on the team is Dave Неде 
always laughing, and he a 
rybody else laughing. Mark McGwire ix 
mellow; he knows what hes got to do and 
he's there to do it. Marks real . . . normal. 


ball player. Нех our 
leader, our spokesman, our player rep— 
he's serious out there, always. Everybody's 
interesting and everybody' different. 
PLAYBOY: How was the A's morale when you 
arrived? After all, they'd lost the series to 
the Dodgers the previous year. 

HENDERSON: The As felt they were the best 
m in baseball, and when they lost the se- 
ries, they took it personally. So then they 
had to go out and prove to evervone, 


PLAYBOY 


including themselves, that they were the 
best team in baseball. They were very mo- 
tivated to get back, but when 1 got there, 
the team was hurting. Canseco had broken 
a bone in his left hand before the season 
started and didn't return until mid-July. 
Valt Weiss, our shortstop, was down with a 
knee injury and [relief pitcher] Dennis 
Eckersley hurt his shoulder and was out 
for a couple of months. It wasn't gonna be 
no joy ride. 
PLAYBOY: So along comes Rickey Hender- 
son and his 247 batting average 
HENDERSON: Yeah, but I said, “Two forty- 
seven, that's not me. I'm better than that.” 
And I was still am. The New York 
press had been nagging on my new con- 
tract from spring training on, and now I 
was away from all 
that and it was a re- 
lief. I stopped wor- 
rying about ту 
contract and just 
went out and played 
ball. I hit .297 for 
the A's, and after be- 
g neck and neck 
with the Angels for 
a while, we broke 
away and won the 
West by seven 
games. 
PLAYBOY: If the As 
were so busted up, 
why were they in 
first place when you 
arrived? 
HENDERSON; A lot of 
the credit for that 
has to go to our 
manager, Tony La 
Russa. His strength 
is in taking it to the 
opponents, rather 
an letting them 
g it to us. Tonys 
got all these com- 
puter charts and 
knows the game as 
well as any manager 
Ive played for. To 
me, hes in ly 
Martins class, and I 
can't give nobody a 
higher compliment 
than that. 

I knew how competitive Tony was when 1 
played against him, and he knew I was the 
same way; when the Yankees played the 
As, it was always like a dogfight. But 1 
didn't know him. He really impressed me 
the first day I got to the As. I told him, “1 
really didn't care for you and you didn't 
care for me when we were fighting against 
cach other, and that’s the way it’s supposed 
to be. But now that were with the same 
team, we're gonna help each other." He lis- 
tened to me, and then said, “Rickey, 1 dont 
want you to give me your respect. 1 want to 
earn your respect.” That really amazed. 
me. 1 had never heard any manager say he 
; they had all just 


Wilki 


demanded it. 

When it was all over—the day à 
World Series—I went up to him and s 
"You have carned my respect, Tony” After 
that, we got real close. And you know. 
shook him up a litle that I'd remember 
what he'd told me the first day. 
guy 
PLAYBOY: Did you do a 
ing the 1989 play-off 
self up? 
HENDERSON: No, I just wanted 10 get to the 
World Series. Га never played in one and 
I'd been in only one league championship 
series—t hat was during the split season of 
the As lost to the Yankees, Seems 


fter the 


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Moseby of the Blue Jays [now h De- 
troit]—we've known cach other since we 
were kids—would watch the World Series 
on television together. Wed tell each other, 
“Damn, one day, one of us is gonna get to 
the World Series. Which one of us is gonna 
get there first?" As soon as we knew it was 
going to be Oakland against Toronto in the 
"89 play-offs, Lloyd and I started yappin' at 
cach other like we were still kids: “I'm gon- 
m; you aint gonna beat 


PLAYBOY: Did you have 
you'd be such a domi 
play-offs and the se 
HENDERSON: T! 


ny inkling that 
ting force in the 


as something Ud al- 


ways wondered about. I used to watch the 
plav-offs and the World Series on TV and 
think, What would yow do if you were 
there? Would you be a Mr. October like 
Reggie п, who often hit his best in 
the post-season, or would you be more like 
[Kansas Citys] Willie Wilson, who has had 
a lot of slumps? 1 didnt know which it 
would be. But I wanted to be at my best, 
and my opportunity had come That was 
my chance to do or die. I felt that that was 
my time, 1 walked around thinking, The 
good Lord is with you and gave you the 
ability to play this game, to show what you 
are all about, so do it, and do it now. I had 
all that belief and all that concentration 
And when I started doing well, my one 
thought was, The good Man is shining 
over me, He is giv- 
ing me the opportu- 
nity, He is bringing 
the best out of me. I 
really didnt focus 
on what I was doing; 
in fact, I didn't know 
what I was doing. 1 
маз а man on a mis- 
sion; I was in a rock- 
ct on a space shot; 1 
was dreaming. 

But 1 always felt I 
was in the Lord's 


hands, 
PLAYBOY: Let's run 
down just how well 
id in the 
League 


You hit 
cluding two home 
runs—sct a play-off 
record of eight sto- 
len bases and were a 


e. 


Baar, 
eS unanimous choice 
as the play-offs’ Most 
Valuable Player. 


Had you ever had a 
five-game perform- 
ance like that? 


HENDERSON: No, 
& that was the best Fd 
ever played. Га 


been through some 
streaks when I'd hit 
400 for a month, 
ything together at one 


but to put ev 
time—it tle incredible. 

PLAYBOY: Experts agreed that that was the 
first post-season series ever dominated by 
а base runner. Didn't your friend Lloyd 
Moseby warn the Blue Jays about you? 
HENDERSON: Yeah, but a lot of his team- 
mates were saying, “Hey, Henderson's 
showing us up, hes hot-dogging” Lloyd 
kept telling them, “The guy is playing h 
me. That's what we should do—concer 
е on our ne, not his. get about 
Rickey and think about what we have to do 
as a team." But they didn't, and because of 
that, they were playing my game. 
PLAYBOY: In what way? 


HENDERSON: Instead of thinking, We have 
to win, they were thinking, We gotta stop 
Rickey Henderson. We gotta stop him 
from getting on base. We can't walk him or 
let him get a hit. We cant let him steal no 
As soon as I saw that they were fo- 
cusing on me, I knew I had them in the 
palm of my hand 

PLAYBOY: That doesnt seem logical to us. II 
the opposing team is doing its damnedest 
to prevent you from stealing bases. how is 
that playing into your hands? 

HENDERSON: I'll tell you how: When I go up 
to the plate in that situation, I talk to the 
catcher. I'll say stuff like, “As soon as I get 
to first, Im gonna steal second on you. 1 
know you're back here and that you want 
to get me, but you ain't goin to.” I did a lot 
of talking to the Jays’ catcher, Ernie Whitt 
My aim was to get him so pumped up that 
when I broke for second, he'd be thinking, 
I got the ball, I got you in my sights, I know 
I'm gonna throw you out, youre dead! By 
then, he'd be so tense he couldn't throw the 
ball the way he can when he’s relaxed. And 
thats what happened to Whitt. I had him 
all the time. 

PLAYBOY: We're sure he'll be pleased to read 
all about it. You said winning the play-offs 
was your happiest day in baseball. Why? 
HENDERSON: Because it finally gave me the 
chance to play in the World Series. Thars 
what every player—rookies, veterans, cv- 
eryone—works for. Га been working to- 
ward that for ten years, and when I knew 


more. 


we were going to the series, I had this won- 
derful feeling going through me. You get 
that last out of the play-offs, you know 
youre going to the series—thars the peak 
of baseball. That's what you play for 

PLAYBOY: Hold on athlete who 
makes millions of dollars a year, and all 


You're a 


you really want out of baseball is to play in 
the World 
HENDERSON: [Laughs] Really, is this man 
what? Let me remind you of 


"ries? 


crazy or 
something: Ernie Banks, whoplayed forthe 
Cubs, once said, "I would have given back 
everything 1 made in baseball if I could 
have played in the World Series just once." 
PLAYBOY: OK, so what turns you on about 
the World Series? 
HENDERSON: Wondering what the great 
players are going to do. What arc they go- 
ing to pull out of their slecves this time? 
Somcthing dramatics going to happc 
what'll it bc? Great pitching, a great catch, 
a home run in the clutch? The World Se- 
ries always has its share of excitement and 
thrilling moments that fans remember for 
cars and years. And as a player, you want 
on it, because it’s the height of the 
That's why you always hear players 
say, “This is what we've been fighting for 
and working on the whole season long—all 
one hundred and sixty-two games. This is 
the joy baseball can give us." 
PLAYBOY: How would you characterize 
your rivalry with the San Francisco Giant 
your opponents in last falls World Series? 


HENDERSON: We don't have a real big rival- 
ry with the Giants. The As biggest rivals 
are in our division—the Kansas City Roy- 
als and the California Angels. I know that 
when the Giants and the Dodgers were in 
New York, thev hated each other, but this is 
California. The As feel that we take care of 
business on our side of the bay and that the 
Giants take care of business on their side. 
We dont pay that much attention to each 
other or worry about who's gonna take 
over the town. 

PLAYBOY: But you did take over the 1989 se- 
ries in four games straight. Were you sur 

prised by that? 

HENDERSON: Alter the second game, no. I 
knew 一 we all knew 一 we had them. Our 
guys said, “There's no way they can win. 
Hey, in spring training, we beat the Giants 
cight out of nine times.” But the Giants 
have good hitters like Will Clark and Kev- 
in Mitchell, and I knew they were getting 
up for the third game. They were going 
home to Candlestick Park, thinking they 
did have a chance to come back. 

PLAYBOY: At 5:04 rw. on October seven- 
tcenth, minutes before the scheduled start 
of game three of the World Series, Candle- 
stick Park and much of Northern Califor- 
nia was rocked by a massive earthquake 
that registered seven point one on the 
Richter scale. Where were you when it hit? 
HENDERSON: In the locker room. You know, 
1 thought it was just a shake; I didn't know 
any damage had been done. When I went 


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PLAYBOY 


70 


out onto the field, all the guys were talking 
about the earthquake. One of them told 
me, "On the morning of Bob Welchs last 
start when he was with the Dodgers, there 
was a big earthquake in Los Angeles [5.1 
on the Richter scale], and that night, he 
went out and pitched a one-hitter against 
the Giants." When I heard that, I thought, 
Oh, man, Welch is starting for us tonight. 
We are gonna beat them to death. It's over 
for them. The Giants are in troubl 
we couldn't play game three—it 
celed, and really, everybody was 
scared. Some of the players who v 
from San Francisco or Oakland —or who 
hadn't been born in California and had 
never felt an earıhquake—were deathly 
afraid. New Yorkers, guys from the East, 
Midwest—they were really worried that 
the ball park would 
id you agree with baseball com- 
missioner Fay Vincents decision to resume 
later? 

t at first. People had 
lies had lost their pos- 
зет like a good time to 
play a baseball game. But then again, when 
they finally got it g , the Bay Area 
needed something to cheer it up. Instead 
of thinking about what had happened and 
how they were going to survive it, people 
thought, Let's go out and enjoy this day. 
But there was a lot to get through before 
you could feel that way. 
PLAYBOY: You wei n hotter in the 
World Series than you were in the play- 
offs—you hit 474. But the series M.VP. 
award was given to Dave Stewart. How did 
thar sit with you? 

HENDERSON: I was surprised—but not up- 
set—that I didn't get it. The As played 
tremendous ball, and the whole team prob- 
ably deserved the World Series M. VP Sull, 
as an individual, I felt I was the best and 
that I'd earned it. But it was a more com- 
petitive choice than during the play-offs, 
because I had done everything perfect in 
the play-offs. In the World Series, I did ev- 
erything well, but so did a lot of other play- 
ers. After Dave Stewart won the third 
game, a lot of reporters came up to me and 
said, “Right now, it looks like you or Stew is 
win the M.VP. But if the As sweep 
the Giants and you get two hits and st 
base in game four, it's gonna be you, Rick- 
ey.” Then they told the same thing to Stew, 
and when I saw him in the locker room be- 
fore game four, he said, “Rickey, | want you 
to go out there and go 0 for four, no stolen 
bases, and maybe both of us can win the 
M.VP” I said, "No, Stew, I gotta go out 
there and get a couple of hits, because 上 
have a chance of winning it. From what I 
hear, they want to give it to you, and this 
way, I'll at least make sure that both of us 


the series ten days 


started, 1 went out 
nined to get the two hits the re- 
porters told me were all 1 needed to be- 
come М.МР My first at-bat—boom!—I hit 
a home run. I trotted around the bases 


thinking, I got it—but maybe I dor't. I 
need one more hit. 

My second time up, Mike Moore was on 
second base; I got another base hit and 
Moore scored. It's over. I'm on first thi 
ing, I got it, man! And then, in my next at- 
bat, I hit a triple. I slid into third base, got 
p and dusted myself off, and thought, 
This is the icing on the cake. I'm gonna be 
the series M.VP. 

When we got the last out, I didn't have 
the award in my mind—all of us were too 
wight up in the glory of winning the 
rld Series. Back in the locker room, I 
was doing an interview with a reporter 
when Dave Stewart yelled over to me, 
“Hey, Rickey, I won it.” And all of a sudden, 
it was hack in my head, and I said, "What 
do you mean, you won it?” 1 thought that 
both of us would at least share it—I'd seen 
that before—but I let go of my disappoint- 
ment real quick, because I had to be happy 
for Stew. I was proud of what he'd done, 
and I knew he'd never really gotten the 
recognition he deserved. Stew couldn't 
have been nicer; he called me up to him 
right away and we shook hands, and we 
both felt good. He got the trophy, but 


Wi 


“Some of the players who 
had never felt an 
earthquake were deathly 
afraid, really worried that 
the ball park would cave in.” 


inside, I knew I had won it. And I bet 
that deep down inside, he knows 1 could've 
won it just as he did. So my pride came 
away intact. 

PLAYBOY: After the series, you signed a 
four-year contract with the As for twelve 
which made you the 
highest-paid player in baseball at that 
point. Did you take pride in that? 
HENDERSON: Oh, sure, it made me feel 
good. Actually, I wasn't the highest-paid 
player when I signed: Kirby Puckett makes 
the same amount of money 1 do per year, 
but his contract runs three years and mine 
runs four, so technically the press was 
right in reporting that I was baseball's 
highest-paid player. I'm not anymore, 
that's for sure. 

PLAYBOY: No, you're not. After you sealed 
your deal with the A's, the Giants signed 
Will Clark to a four-year, fifteen-million- 
dollar contract, and then Steinbrenner 
outdid everyone by signing Don Mattingly 
to a five-year deal worth a reported nine- 
teen point three million dollars. Now, the 
truth, Rickey: Did those contracts make 
you feel underpaid? 


HENDERSON: The truth, huh? Well, 1 do feel 
underpaid based on what Will got and on 
what other players have since signed for. 1 
know what Гуе achieved and where I stand 
as far as my level of play, and when I see 
guys who havent played on that level get- 
ting as much money as me—or more mon- 
ey than me 一 why wouldn't I think I'm 
underpaid? When [ signed my contract 
at the time, it was a fair contract. But now, 
a lot more players are making more money 
than Тат, and they haven't done what I've 
done. 

PLAYBOY: Does this have to do only with 
money, or is it more about being as compet- 


it’s being competitive 
sten, | know that people get 
pissed off about the money players make. 
But if they're out there producing like su- 
perstars, they deserve the money. Now, 
players who just get by and earn as much 
as the superstars—they're the guys who are 


as a man. 


PLAYBOY: What are you going to do about 
it? Ask to renegotiate your contract? 
HENDERSON: [Grins] Look, I can see some 
humor in this, but I dont think I'm a 
greedy man. But if baseball's pay scale 
shoots up to where average pl. 
making what 1 am, then 1 will go 
ask to renegotiate my contract. Just about 
every free agent has signed for more mon- 
ey than me. And last year, I could have 
sworn I was the best player out there in the 
free-agent market. 

PLAYBOY: Onc final question on compensa- 
tion: What's the deal with the Testarossa? 
HENDERSON: My idea about the As giving 
me a Testarossa came about after I saw 
what had happened when Walter Payton 
rewrote pro football's record book. When 
Payton broke the N.EL. record for rushing 
yardage with the Chicago Bears, he was 
presented with a Lamborghini. I decided 
that if the As were thinking about maybe 
giving me something when I broke Lou 
Br all-time record for stolen bases— 
hey, I'd like to have a Testarossa. I men- 
tioned that during a conversation with a 
reporter, and the next day, it was all over 
the newspapers, like I was making some 
kind of demand. Let me be real clear on 
this: It wasn't no demand. It's just a dream 
I have, that's all. If and when I break 
Brock's record, Га like to get a car, but in- 
stead of the Lamborghini that Walter got, 
Га like a Ferrari. 

PLAYBOY: So the A's general manager, 
Sandy Alderson, now knows what you want 
for Christmas. 

HENDERSON: I happen to think Sandy vill 
do something to show that the team appre- 
Gates what I've done, though it may not be 
what I want. Гуе put my heart and soul in- 
to this long chase alter Broc ‘ord, and 
if I break it, I'd like to know that the club 
respects it. A paton the back and a “Thank 
you" may be enough. Maybe they'll give me 
a Schwinn—but if they do, it had better be 
aten-speed. 

PLAYBOY: Enough about money. You were 


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PLAYBOY 


born in Chicago: when and how did you 
wind up in Oakland? 

HENDERSON: I lived in Chicago till I was 
two years old. 1 think my mom didn't like 
the cold, so she moved the family to Little 


sas, until I was seven. 


Then we moved to California. 

PLAYBOY: What about your father? 
HENDERSON: My father left when I two 
years old. He and my mom couldn't get 
along; they broke up, and then we moved. 
1 never really knew my father. From time 
to time, he sent money to try to take care of 
us, but 1 never saw or spoke to him. As I 
grew up, I always used to ask about him. 
1 always felt, Hey, wheres my father? 1 
need my father to guide me as a son. 

My momma and my grandmother 
raised us—I was the youngest of five sons 
and two daughters. Mom supported us 
good. She was a registered nurse, and my 
grandmother also had a job, and we grew 
up in a working-class section of Oakland. 
Mom was like my mother and father, and 
my grandmother was the backbone of us 
all. But I missed not knowing my father. 
PLAYBOY: Did your dad try to contact vou? 
HENDERSON: No, we were never in touch 
After 1 broke into the big leagues in 1979, I 
hired detectives to look for him. 1 wanted 
to know, Hey, do I look like my father? Am 
1 like him in any way? Can I see him? I just 
wanted to meet him. 

And so I looked for him for a few years, 
and cventually, the detectives discovered 
where he was staying. He drove a truck, 
and very soon after they found him, he 
died in a traffic accident. The detectives 
got back to my mother about it the day he 
died. Mom told them she would tell me 
what had happened, but she knew it would 
make me break down, so she didn't tell me 
for more than a year. In the meantime, I 
kept asking her, “How come the detectives 
haven't gotten back to me? You said they 
found my father.” One day, she finally sat 
me down and s: “Your father is dead.” 
So I never got the opportunity to see him 
or talk to him. That might be the biggest 
hurt you get as a man, never to know your 
father. Didn't matter if he was good or bad, 
or whatever—1 just wanted the chance to 
see him. Never did. 

PLAYBOY: Throughout our talks, you've 
been thoroughly likable—yet based on 
what has been written about you, we were 
prepared to meet a pampered egotist who 
plays only when he feels li How did 
you get that rep? 

HENDERSON: I never had that repui 
until I injured my right hamstring a 


then, and he thought I was baby 

and that I didn't want to play for h 
don't know why. Lou and I were never real- 
ly on the same wave length, but how could 
he have thought I didn't want to play? Га 
gotten off to a tremendous start in '87, to 
the point where I was walking around 


ing myself 
1 


thinking, This is my MVP year. And then 
I hurt my hamstring, and the team started 
losing ball games and fell out of first place. 
Lou just didn’t realize the damage that I'd 
done to my leg, and 1 felt he was pushing 
me to come back too early My leg was giv- 
ing me a lot of pain, but he didn't really be- 
lieve it and neither did the New York 
press—they really ate me up. The whole 
thing finally hurt me more than anything 
else that's happened to me in baseball. 
Don't those guys know that the one t 
ballplayers hate to do is sit 
and see somebody else playing their posi- 
tion? And because I was willing to play 
through the pain, I asked the Yankees’ 
trainer to wrap the leg. 

PLAYBOY: You were playing with a pulled 
hamstring? 

HENDERSON: Let me tell you, because you 
aint got it all yet. 1 kept playing and | kept 
going in to sce the trainer, and them one 
day, when we were playing Cleveland, 1 
stole third base, and when I slid, I felt a 
sharp pain. And that’s when I knew some- 
thing was wrong with my leg. I knew I had 
to back off and I told Lou I couldn't run in 
full gear. Eventually, 1 laid back for four 


“One day, she finally sat me 
down and said, Your father 
is dead.’ So I never got the 
opportunity to see him. 
That might be the biggest 
hurt you gel as a man.” 


days and they treated the leg and then told 
me, “Go back out there and play. You don't 
have a pulled muscle—theres nothing 
ig with you." So I said, “OK, fine.” 
We went to Milwaukee, and I played 
with my leg bandaged up. 1 told myself, 
I'm not going to run full-out until I feel 
I'm absolutely back to form. In the seventh 
inning, we were losing by seven runs; even 
though we were trying, the game was out 
of h. Well, I was on first base, and Lou 
gave mea steal sign. I'm thinking, Why are 
you giving me a steal sign when I told you 
that my leg hurts? But hes the manager, 
and I told myself, OK, if he gave me a steal 
sign, I gotta try So I took off, and Willie 
Randolph, who was at the plate, fouled the 
ball off. And I thought, Fine, Eran and I 
didn't hurt the leg. It may be getting better. 
Before the next pitch, Lou gave me anoth- 
er steal sign. Willie fouled the ball off 
again. After 1 came back from second 
base, I looked in the dugout. Lou gave me 
the steal sign again, and I thought 
you can't do that. Now the whole Milwat 
kee team knows Im gonna run. I di 
want to, but I knew I had to try to steal sec- 


ond. I took off, got halfway there—and I 
think everybody in the infield heard some- 
thing snap. My teammates said they'd 
heard it in the dugout. Lou didn't give me 
an argument that day—he knew 1 had a 
pulled muscle. 

PLAYBOY: Why was he so insistent on hav- 
ing you stcal on a bum leg in such a mean- 
Eless situation? 

HENDERSON: You'd have to ask him that —7 
never did. Anyway, the Yankecs put me on 
the fificen-day disabled list, took X rays, 
told me my hamstring was pulled and that 
Id be fine. But when 1 went back after 
fifteen days, 1 wasn't fine—1 couldn't run 
at full speed. The team gave me another 
few days off and [ tried running some 
sprints, but the muscle popped again. 
When I told Lou about it, he said, "Rickey, 
you are faking. Youre scared to play 
You're jaking it. You don’t want to play” I 
kept saying to myself, What are you talk- 
ing about? I want to play. My leg is ruined. 
Things got worse: The team called my 
agent and told him they thought 1 was fak- 
ing my injury and that I was jeopardizing 
my contract. 

1 was shocked. I knew I couldn't play, 
and I just refused to jeopardize my career. 
I finally talked to Billy Martin, who was 
then scouting for the Yankees. He said, "If 
your leg hurts, dont play until it gets bet- 
tcr." He was the only one in the whole Yan- 
kees organization who believed me. 
PLAYBOY: What was George Steinbrenner 
doing while all tliis was going un? 
HENDERSON: Getting himself all worked up 
that I wasn't pl. George was so mad at 
me that he came up to me and said, “OK, 
Rickey, I'm sending you to a specialist, and 
he's gonna put you in a [magnetic reso- 
nance imaging] machine and prove once 
and for all if you're hurt or not.” 

When I got to the hospital, they closed 
this machine for an hour, and 

the doctor said, “Rickey, come 
inside and ГЇЇ show you what's wrong with 
your leg.” He had a picture on a light box 
and pointed to a part of it and said, “This 
is whats wrong with your leg. You have 
torn three or four inches of the top part of 
your hamstring off your behind.” 

The next day, when George went to the 
ball park, I was in the training room, get- 
ting treatment. He patted me on the back 
and said, “You get well.” He'd finally got 
the truth that I was hurt. I'm still amazed 
that when I went through all that, nobody 
except Billy believed me. And even after- 
ward, the press continued to say that I'd 
pulled my hamstring—for whatever rea- 
son, it never came out that I'd really torn it. 
PLAYBOY: Do you think you've generally 
been treated badly by sportswriters? 
HENDERSON: I think they've given me more 
than my share of cheap shots. The thing 
alked about? Guys still write that 
n plays when he wants to play” 
And I know that every year, Lam going to 
read that “Henderson didn't run at fu 
speed to first on that ground ball—he 


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ng" Listen, when | hit a sharp 
d ball to second base, overall, you 
know and I know that Im out. All right? 
I'm moving fast just in case the guy bob- 
bles и, but I don't run flat-out like if I get a 
base hit and I'm rounding first and seeing 
if I can get to second. You're telling me I'm 
not hustling? Come on, now—I'm a base 
runner. You think it’s possible that some- 
times, when I know I'm out, I just might 
want to save some energy for when I really 
need it? Not many sportswriters believe 
that. They'll write things like, “Rickey 
didn't run that ground ball out, and maybe 
if he'd shown some more hustle, the As 
might've won the game." 

PLAYBOY: You certainly don't seem to be a 
favorite of the sport's traditionalists. In its 
1989 baseball yearbook, The Sporting News 
zapped you with the honor of the “biggest 
waste of ability,” and that if you had 
“Kirby Pucketr's personality and attitude, 
no records would be safe.” Ever wonder 
what the press wants from you? 
HENDERSON: I always wonder what the 
press wants. I think some of it probably has 
to do with my style of play: 1 may make the 
me seem a little casicr than most players 
de, and because of that, some people think 
I'm not working hard enough. The wuth 
is, I work as hard as or harder than 
body else, so I don't understand that kind 
of criticism, but thats what I get. In a wa 
I'd like to have one person representing 
the media ju: down and tell me what 
they'd all like me to do. Lets say the guy 
says, “I want you to go out there and steal a 
hundred and thirty bases and score a hun- 
dred and thirty runs.” OK, ГЇ go out and 
do that. You gonna tell me that’s all you 
want? No. The next time around, you're 
going to tell me | gotta do something else 
and do it better. When sportswriters ask 
me, "What do you want to do this year?" I 
tell them, “I want to stay healthy enough to 
be able to go out and give a hundred per- 
cent every time I play.” And that is all I re- 
ally want. And whatever the sportswriters 
feel, that's their business. 

PLAYBOY: What about your other reputa- 
tion—as baseball's leading hot dog? 
HENDERSON: Well, another word for a hot 
dog is a showman. I'll tell you this: Ain't 
never been a guy out there called a hot dog 
who couldnt play this game. And really, 
what are we talking about? If you play the 
game with a little style and people see that 
you're having fun, they call you a hot dog, 
People started calling me a hot dog when 
Га draw a walk, and instead of running 
down to first base like most guys, I'd walk 
down, cool. Boom—I'm a hot dog. In the 
outfield, when a fly ball comes, a lot of play 
ers catch it with two hands; I snatch it out 
of the air with one. That's the main reason 
I'm called a hot dog—my snatch catch 
PLAYBOY: Was that trademark maneuver of 
yours a long time in the planning? 
HENDERSON: It was, yes. 1 developed it well 
before I ever used it in a game, but I was so 


afraid of trying it. 

PLAYBOY: Why? 

HENDERSON: Because 1 didn't want to drop 
a fly ball. 1 just didn't want that held 
against me, so I didn't try it. But I knew 1 
could catch the ball that way; 1 would not 
miss it. 

I'll tell you the first time I did it in a 
game. Back in the early Eighties, the As 
were playing the White Sox, and Mike 
Warren, one of our good pitchers, had a 
no-hitter going. In the ninth inning, two 
out, a fly ball was hit to me in left field, and 
I snatched it out of the air for the final out. 
And afterward, all my teammates came up 
10 me and said, "If youd dropped that 
ball, we would've killed you." That was the 
first time I tried it. After that, I had faith 
imit and knew I could catch it like that. 
PLAYBOY: Which brings us to the obvious 
question; Why bother? 

HENDERSON: | think it gocs back to watch- 
ing Willie Mays when I was a kid and really 
liking his basket catch. 1 guess there was 
something that I wanted to do different, 
too. And when I dreamed it up and then 
believed that I could do it—and then knew 
I could do it—it was like, “OK, lets do it.” 


“T may make the game seem 
a little easier than most 
players do. The truth is, 

I work as hard as or harder 


than anybody else.” 


The kids liked it and the fans loved it. And 
sure, the press called me a hot dog, but re- 
ally, whenever I catch balls the regular way, 
a lot of our fans will go, “Rickey, please— 
snatch iL" And when I tell them that a lot 
of people don't like it, they say, "Forget 
"'em—snatch it. | love it, my kids love it” Ot 
course, Гуе heard from other parents who 
say, "My kid tried your snatch catch—the 
ball hit him in the head." [Laughs] 

The thing is, I'm very aware that, al- 
though. people want their teams to win, 
they're mainly out there to sec action and a 
great performance, and I try to give it to 
them. I've said this before and 1 mean it: 
People don't pav ten dollars a ticket to 
watch robots perform. 

PLAYBOY: You think of yourself as a per- 
former? 

HENDERSON: Of course 1 do. Baseball is 
tertainment for people, so in a sense, we're 
really entertainers. When people go to a 
ball game, if they feel the players haven't 
entertained them, they wont be coming 
back. I think players should realize they 
are entertainers. I go out and do the best 
job I can, but I like to do it with a little 


style, a little flair, because | know that cer- 
tain things I do will catch the fans’ eyes, 
and that's why they'll want to scc me play. 
PLAYBOY: By thc timc this interview is pub- 
lished, you should be closing in on Lou 
Brock’s alltime stolen-base record. Have 
you made any special plans about when 
and where you want to break it? 

HENDERSON: 1d like to break it by the end 
of August, and if we're on the road and I'm 
one base shy of tying it, I'm gonna wait to 
in Oakland for our fans, for the As or- 
ation, for my Family and friends and 
for all the people who've been behind me 


PLAYBOY: Have you thought how high you'd 
like that number to go eventually? 
HENDERSON: Yes, I have. When I got above 
eight hundred stolen bases and knew I was 
оп а pace that would move me beyond 
Brock nine hundred and thirty-eight, I 
realized that if I could play nineteen sea- 
sons like Brock, I could wind up with 
fifteen hundred to two thousand stolen 
bases. So I've looked at that, and I know 
what I'd settle for. In the time I feel I have 
left, fifteen hundred stolen bases would be 
a tremendous goal for me to go after and 
to actually attain. 

PLAYBOY: So you've already decided that 
when your present four-year contract ex- 
pires, you'll re-up for another tour? 
HENDERSON: I'll be thirty-five when the '04 
season starts, and I won't be too old for this 
game Brock set his record when he was 
thirty-nine. I also have a surprise in store 
for everybody. I set the single-season 
record of a hundred and thirty stolen 
bases in Oakland in '82; if I haven't broken 
it by the time I'm thirty-five, I intend to 
shoot for it that season. I keep myself in 
good shape, and my body's holding up, 
and even if I'm not able to steal a hundred 
and thirty-something bases when Em thir- 
ty-five, I believe ГЇЇ have a shot at coming 
close. That's going to be one dramatic sea- 
son. I'm hoping to steal so many bases that 
maybe my record wont ever be broken. 
PLAYBOY: But aren't records made to be 
broken? 

HENDERSON: Yes, they аге, 50 1 won't worry 
too much about that, though I hope mine 
will stay in the record books for a good 
long time. But all that's down the road. Un- 
til I retire, I'm really going to have fun. I 
mean, think of it: Every time I steal a base, 
ГЇЇ be setting a new record —every time. VIE 
come off the held and tell myself, I set a 
new all-time record today; maybe I'll set 
another one tomorrow. Im doing a lot of 
talking here, but really, 1 have no idea of 
what that s se record is finally go- 
ing to be. I think the only thing I know is 
that the good Lord has kept me strong and 
healthy enough to reach this point, so I'm 
fied and I'm grateful. I've had a good 
ad at this point, I just feel very lucky 
that it isn't over yet. 


eagras 
VO. 


SOME NIGHTS, EVERYTHING GLOWS 


RABBIT 
REST 


fiction 


By JOHN UPDIKE 


he lipped the cup. not his day. 
will he ever have a day again? 


илкку ANGSTROM trics to imagine the world seen 
through his grandd dear green eyes, 
every little thing vivid and sharp and r ly 
new, packed full of itself like a satin v 
His own vision feels fogged no matter which 
glasses he puts on, for reading or far vision. He 
wears the latter only for movies and night driv- 
ing, and rel ili worn for 
more than an hour . And 
the lenses are always dusty and the things he 
looks at all seem tired; he's seen them too many 
times before. A kind of drought has settled ove 
the world, а overtakes old col- 


golf 
course before his first swing, ever 
fresh. There, on the tees earth platform, stand- 
ing in his large white spiked Foot-Joys and blue 
sweat soc ng the long tapered steel 
wand of the I Predator driver from the bag, 


he f n, tall the way he used to on a 
hardwood basketball floor when, after those 
first mii growing momentum and 


lengthening bounds’ and leaps reduced the 
court to childlike dimensions, to the ofa 
tennis court and then a ping-pong table, his legs 
unthinkingly c; inces up, back and 
forth, and the hoop w nty skirtlike net 
dipping down to be there on the lay-ups. So, 
golf, the distances, the hundreds of 
solve to a few elloriless swings if you find the ir 
r magic, the key. Always, golf for him holds 
out the hope of perfection, of a perfect weight 
le ss and consummate ease, for now and 
again it does happen, happens in three dimen- 
ions, shot after shot. But then he gets human 
and wies to force it, to m happen, to get 
tem extra yards, to st i 


. it come 
ng the rest of 
ndless possibility, the possibility of a 
wless round. a round without a speck of dirt 


COLLAGE BY PAT ANDREA. 


PLAYBOY 


78 


in it, without a missed two-footer or a 
flying sight elbow. without a pushed 
wood or pulled iron: the first fairway is 
ı front of you, palm trees on the left 
nd water on the right, flat as a pic- 
¿Al you have to do is 


m ke a simo 
ple. pure swing and puncture the 
picture in the middle with a ball that 
shrinks in a second to the size of a nee- 


dle prick, a tiny tunnel into the abso- 
lute. That would be il. 

But on his practice swing, his chest 
gives a twang of pain and this makes 
him think for some reason of his son, 
Nelson. The kid jur his mind. As 
he stands up to the ball, he feels crowd- 
ed but is 1 hits it outside 
in, nying too hard with his righi hand. 
The ball starts ou gly but 
leaks more and more to the right and 
disappears not far enough from the 
edge of the long scummy pond 

”Fraid th gator territory” 
Bernie says sadly. Bernie is his partner 
Tor the round. 


ient an 


promisi 


Harry asks. 
€ isa pause. Ed Silberstein asks 
ld, “What do you think 
Joe tells Harry, “I didit notice that 
we took any mulligans.” 
Harry says, “You cripples don’t hit i 
far enough 10 get into trouble. We al- 
ways give mulligans on the first drive. 
Thats been our tradition. 
Ed says, “Angstrom, how re you ever 


Joe says, “How much potential you 
think a guy with a gut like that still has? 
1 think his potential has all gone to his 
colon.” 

While they are 
Rabbit m his 
pocket and tees it up and, with a stilt 
halEswing. sends it safely but inglori- 
ously down the left side of the fairway. 
Perhaps not quite safely: И seems to hit 
a hard spot and keeps bouncing to- 


thu: 
her 


takes anc 


ward a palm tree. “Sorry, Bernie,” he 
says. “PI loosen ap.” 
“Am I worried" Bernie asks, put- 


ting his foot to the electriecart pedal 
a split second belore Harry has settled 
into the seat beside him. “With your 
brawn and my well 
these creeps.” 

Bernie Drechsel, Ed Silberst 
Joe Gold are all older than H 
short Û usually make him feel 
good about himself. With them, he is а 
big Swede, they call him Angstrom. 
comical per gentile, a big pale uncir- 
cumeised hunk of the American 
dream. He, in turn. treasures their 
ıs more manly than 
his, wiser and less shaky. Their long 

as put all that sulle 


brains, 


cream 


perspei 


ver it se 


pocket and strides on. Harry asks 
Bernie, as the cart rolls over. d 
tamped and glistening grass toward 


their balls, “Whaddaya think about 
all this fuss about this Deion Sanders? 
In this mornings paper. he even has 
the mayor of Fort Myers making ex- 
cuses for him. 

Bernie shifts the cigar in his mouth 
an inch and says, "It's cruel, you know, 
to take these black kids out of nowher 
imd give ‘em all this publicity and turn 


them i No wonder 
they 
“Yeah, he flipped out at some 


salesclerk who said he had stolen a pair 
of earrings and even wok 
her.” 


pop at 


1 don't know about Sanders, bu 
¢ ol them, its drugs,” Ber 
The мий is 


with son 


says. “Cocaine. every 
where.” 
“You wond 
abit says. 
“What they see in it,” Bernie says, 
stopping the cart 
on the edge of the plastic 
holding drinks or beer cans, “is instant 
happiness.” He squares up to his sec- 
ond shot with that awful stance of hi 
his feet wo dose together, his bald 
head dipping dow reve ghi 
shift, and punches the ball with a four 
iron: all kb wrists. dt stays 
straight, though, and winds up within 
an easy chip in front of the elevated 
green, “There are two routes to happi- 
hess.” he continues, back at th 
of the can. “Work for it, day 
like you and I did, or take a che 
short cur. With the world the way it is, 
these kids take the short cut. The lon 
way looks too long 
Yeah, well, it à long 
when youve gone thi 
where's the happiness?” 
“Behind you,” the other man 
mits. 
What interests me about Sanders 
and kids like that,” Rabbit 
Bernie speeds along down the sun- 
baked fairway, dodging fallen brow 
fronds and coconuts, “is I had a tile 
taste of it once. Athletics. Everybody 
loving you as long as you're out there.” 
“Sure you did, It sticks out all over 
d you made the palm tree, 
Youre stymied, my friend." 
ic stops the cart, 
the ball for Harry’ 
I think I can hook it around.” 
Dow! try it, kid. Chip it out. You 
know what Tommy Armour says: Take 
your stroke ke this and 
go for the green on the next one 
attempt a miracle.” 
“Well, you're alre 
y Let 


what they see in it,” 


ad restin 


wei 


And th 
dista: 


says, d 


à little. close to 


- De 


dy up there lor 
e ny 10 bend it on” 


sure be 


thes on hi 
dim smell like t 
full of dried-out old school papers 


love letters. Harry takes his stance with 
his hip almost touching the jagged 
h trunk, hoods the live iron and 
gines the curving arc of the miracle 
shor and Bernie's glad cry of congratu 

ation 
Bur, in fact, the closeness of the tree 
nd maybe of Bernie in the cut in 
hibits his swing and he pulls the ball 
with the hooded club so it hits the 
of the next palm along the nd 
drops straight down into the short 
ugh. The rough, though, in Flori 
isn't like the rough up North: it's just 
гу pale half inch longer 
fairway. They tailor these courses 
for the elderly and 
Bernie sighs. “Stubborn,” he 
Harry gets back in. "You guys think. 
the world will melt il you whi 
Harry knows that “ is polite for 
The thought (hat he might be 
wrong, that obstacles won't melt if he 
whistles, renews a dull internal ache of 
doom he has been lately bothered 
with, As he stands up to his third 
shot—an eight iron, he estimates— 

prova 


airway 


"goys" 


Bernie's disa 


I weighs on his arm 
and causes him to hit a bit far, enough 
to take the click out ol the ball and 
ave it ten yards short. 


Bernie. Chip up dose and 
get your par” But Bernie Bulls the 
chip—all wrists agam, and wo 


quick—and they both 
the hole 10 Ed Silbersienrs row 
gey. Ed is a wiry retired accou 
from ‘Toledo, with dark upright hair 
and a slender, thrusting jaw that makes 
him look as if he’s always about to 
smile; he neve 15 10 get the ball 
more than ten feet off the ground, but 
he keeps it moving toward the hole. 


“You gays looked like Dukakis on 
that one,” he crows. “Blow! 
t knock the Duke,” Joe says 


€ us ho: 


ше and the Boston pols ci 
give him lor it.” Joe Gold owned 
ple of liquor stores in some city in 
Massachusetts called m. He 
is stocky and sandy and wears glasses 
so thick they make his eyes look like 
they're trying to escape from two little 
fish bowls, jumping from side to side. 


when 
ve stood up and 
Vm a liberal, and. damn 


id says, "He wimped ou 
counted. He should I 
said, "Sure 
proud of it.” 

“Yeah, how would that have played 

the South and the Midwest?” Joe 
asks. “In Califor el Florida, fon 
that matter, with all these old Farts who 
want to he 


is No more tax- 


sy” Ed admits. "But he wasn’t 
hg to get their votes, а 
His only hope was to get the poor ex- 
cited. Knock away that three-foot 


(continned on page 155) 


yway 


“My Bernie could never be happy with anything that skinny.” 


eleven beauties celebrate “il mondiale” in the spirit of national revelry 


NASE THE SUPER Bow, the World Series and the N.C.A.A. finals rolled into a ball. Bounce the ball across 

five continents and onto nearly a billion TV screens. That's soccer's World Cup 一 the championship ol 
а game the rest of the world considers “real” football. To sal tourney, we jetted our own 
tam— international beauties—to Пау, the 1990 cup's host cou 


can castle once frequented by a Pope, they sun-bathed, partied, talked soca 


> langu 


playin 
in their national colors—against the white ball. People hearing their cries 
thought that these beauties devoted themselves, like the cherubs above 
land won. But, judging by his cries of delight, our Tuscany correspoudent loved cach player. He 
ing that you, like him and “the many sexually mature 
around the castle's crumblir 


he game of love.” Miss Hol- 


3s hop- 


crowded 


In Pisa (abave), the locals straightened up ond taok notice when Ployboy's team came to town. The best-looking 11 
in football (outside the States, coll it soccer at your peril) features beautiful women from Mexico, Germany, Spain, 
the Netherlands, Hong Kong, Turkey, Greece, Brazil, Argentino, Italy and the United States. Mast are diehard fans of 
Il Mondiale, the Italian term for the cup. Not our girl. Liso Matthews (top row, far lefi), Miss April 1990, didn't know 
the US. had a Warld Cup team. Said Liso, “They'd better win!” At left, the World Cup Women enjoy the Tuscon sun. 
At Castella di Montegufoni, they were spied by another guest—a bishop who blessed the proceedings with o smile. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY BYRON NEWMAN 


8l 


Saskia Linssen of the Netherlands (above, facing page) wan the futbalito championship of Castella di Mantegufani, avenging Dutch 
losses in the World Cup finals af 1974 and 1978. "And naw the real Dutch team!” she cried. Saskio's studying ta be o schaolteacher in 
Rotterdam, her hame town. She specks enough English ta joke about her Foosball skills: "It is a gift. 1 always have it when I do sports 
for the first time.” Germany's Ellen Kendziorra (belaw, facing роде) loves fine lingerie. In Tuscany, her unofficial coach, then-German 
Playboy exec Wolfgang Robert, told Ellen to keep her undies an—no sex before Foosball, he said. Virna Bonino of Rome (above) laves 
football “more for the players than for the play. They are handsome, healthy guys who eat well and go to bed early. | like thot.” 


Dmm 


| 


"They can play football," says Turkey's Irmak Kirag (above left, facing page) of her homeland's World Cup team, "but they will never ac- 
complish anything big. They waste all their strength with their women." No wonder. With Irmak around, football suffers by comparison. 
She's a belly dancer whose “erotic hip rotations” amazed our correspondent. British-born Diona Maria Dwyer (top right, facing page) 
used to ploy football in the park in Ibiza. "Three things are important in Spain,” she says. “Sex, children and football.” Bubbling under 
Irmak and Diana are Alejandra Roth of Argentina (far left) and Brazilian Vanusa Spindler. Alejandra is a TV actress; Vanusa's a super- 
model who doubles as madrina (godmother) of Brazil's World Cup squad. Says race driver Mauricio Gugelmin, "Vanusa is like a racing 
circuit, which would lose its excitement if the curves were not dangerous.” Dancer Elizabeth de Luna (above, smiling back at Americans 
who recall her gigs in Las Vegas and Miami), trained in ballet, now heats up Mexico City audiences with her lambada. Jenny Szeto 
(above, imagining a cup win by Hong Kong) gave up particle physics for international modeling—she wanted to see a bigger world. 


85 


The Foosball tourney ot Castello di Montegufoni wee not televised, costing sports fans o locker-room shot for the oges (above). 


Alino Fotetsiou of Greece reloxes offer o grueling podospheron motch. An actress, she prefers the clossics to her country's modern theater. 
One night, dressed in seductive block lace, Alino soid the outfit mode her feel like Jocosto, the sexy mom of original nosty boy Oedipus. 

ot last, it's time to rolly round Liso Motthews of the U.S. (right). In Holy, Liso scondolized World Cup fons with o dirty word— 
soccer. When peppered with questions obout the gome's low profile in America, she wos diplomotic. "We grow up with boseboll, 
bosketboll ond Americon football. 1s hord for other gomes to get o foothold.” She kept secret the reol reoson: Ме olways lose in the 
World Cup. Lisa went winless in W.C.W. Foosboll but helped ensure thot on one score, at leost—beouty—this yeor's cup overflowed. 


88 


telling himself that it 


feeling that this 
would be the day, the feeling that your 
number was up. There was no specific 
reason to account for his dread. But 
then, there was eve jon. The air 
war over North. Vietnam had entered 
its deadliest phase in the summer 
of 1967, and American losses were 
reaching intolerable levels. In the first 
week of its deployment. the Oriskany's 
air group had lost ten of its 76 planes. 
The target of this days strike was a 
idge a few miles south of Haiphong. 
Twenty A-4s would hit it. making it a 
fairly large strike. Stafford was on 
standby so he briefed wirh the rest of 
the flight crews, then went up to the 
flight deck to sit in a fully armed jet, 
ready to take the place of any aircraft 
that developed mechanical problems. 
While Stafford watched from the 
cockpit, one of the A-4s in front of him 
moved tentatively toward the catapults 
and then stopped. The canopy of the 
plane went up and he saw the pilot 
draw the flat of his hand across his 
throat. He was scrubbing the mission. 
The plane handlers pushed the crip- 
pled A-4 out of the way. Then one of 
them pointed to Stafford and motioned 
for him to take his A-4 up for launch. 
As he eased off the brakes and the 
plane started hesitandy forward, he 
glanced at the crippled plane. Its pilot, 
a man named John Roosen, looked at 
Statford, shook his head and held up 
his hands helplessly. Stafford nodded 
back. It would be 20 years before they 
saw each other again. 


. 

The coast of North Vietnam showed 
green and mountainous 12,000 feer be- 
low the formation. Once they were 
over the beach. the land below spread 
into an intricately gridded system 
ice paddies, fat and orderly and 
pale green. The planes climbed. lt 


was all right, that the 
fear that gripped 
him like a fist was 
nothing to worry 
about. 

Stafford's sensa- 
tion was the old feel- 
ing that comes to 
men in combat: the 


WHEN HE AWOKE before 
dawn in his small 
room aboard the 
0.5.5. Oriskany, Al 
Stafford was having 
trouble breathing 
He lay in his bunk 
for a few i 3 


dll men 
wonder about the 
limits of their 
endurance. 
this is the tale of 
american 
prisoners who 
Were pushed 
beyond that 
edge—and 
prevailed 


article By GEOFFREY NORMAN 


LLUSTRANON BY RICHARO IAMMAFINO. 


PLAYBOY 


90 


helped to start your attack roll with as 
much extra altitude as possible. You 
could exchange altitude for speed 
when you had to dive to get away from 
the surface-to-air missiles, the SAMs. 
Over North Vietnam. speed was life. 

Stafford’s radio came alive. The 
squadron commander told the other 
pilots to close on him and prepare to 
roll in on the target, and they did it 
without thinking. The next sound 
Stalford heard was the chatter of his 
SAM warning device; a missile had 
been launched. Like a man flipping a 
coin or turning a card, he made a deci- 
sion: He ignored the missile warning 
and stayed with the attack. 

He saw one missile soar past him, 
trailing flame. It looked like a flying 
telephone pole, which was the way ev- 
eryone described them. The second 
missile, the one that had been tracking 
him, struck his plane amidships. just 
behind the cockpit. The 300-pound 
war head exploded and cooked off the 
four tons of bombs he was carrying, 
along with $000 pounds of jet fuel. His 
plane disappeared in a black-and-or- 
ange fireball. 

Stafford regained | consciousness 
12,000 feet over North Vietnam at the 
moment his parachute opened below 
him. The force of the explosion had 
inggered the ejection seat, automati- 
cally deploying his parachute. A couple 
of panels in the chute were blown 
away, so he could see the green of the 
rice paddies through them. Then he 
fell past the parachute and began to os- 
cillate below it. One leg was tangled in 
a suspension line and his flight suit was 
on fire, smoldering like burning bed- 
ding. 

Stafford's first thought was, Well, 
now 1 know. Pilots always said you 
could finish a cruise only three 
ways—by being killed, being captured 
or going home. Now he knew. 

He used his survival radio to make 
one last transmission: a call to the 
squadron commander. “Sorry, boss," 
Stalford said, “I'll see you after the 
wa 


. 

The peasants surrounded Stafford. 
Wi some held his arms, others cut 
his parachute, harness, boots and flight 
suit away. They tried to remove his 
wedding ring, but it was too tight, so 
one of the peasants began to saw on 
Stafford’s finger with a rusty knife. He 
quickly worked the ring off his bleed- 
ing finger and handed it over. 

D 

It took 12 hours to reach Hanoi, 
some 50 miles from where Stafford 
had been captured. The truck came to 


a final stop inside the massive wall of 
Hoa Lo prison, an evil old compound 
of several buildings built by the French 
to house the prisoners of their defunct 
colonial regime. This was the Hanoi 
Hilton, a place of miser: 

Stafford was led through the court- 
yard to a dreary stone building that 
was the inner circle of this particular 
hell, a place that POWs called the 
Green Knobby Room. The walls— 
painted a pale, sick shade that recalled 
pea soup or bile—were covered with 
rough acoustic tile designed to baffle 
the sound of screams. It broken in 
spots from the impact of bodies hitting. 
the walls. After an hour of interroga- 
tions and beatings, Stalford was leit sit- 
ting on a stool, blindfolded, with his 
hands tied behind his back. 

s time passed, Stafford's awareness 
shifted away from his physical pain 
and the uncertainty of his situation 
and focused on a single sensation: He 
was thirsty. He spent three days in the 
Green Knobby Room without water. At 
one point, he got down onto his knees 
and licked the floor where the tiles 
were joined, hoping that some water 
had accumulated there. When that 
led, he tried licking damaged places 
on the wall, hoping that some water 
had sweated through. Death seemed a 
better option than living with his thirst. 

On the last day of his interrogation, 
the door to the Green. Knobby Room 
opened and three officers stepped in. 
Several guards accompanied them, 
carrying ropes and straps. some of 
which were stained with blood. Begin- 
ning at the shoulder, they wrapped 
Stafford's arms, carefully and patiently, 
tightening each loop until the rope 
would not take any more tension, then 
throwing another loop. lower. They re- 
peated the process until his arms were 
circled with loops of rope. like ceremo- 
nial bracelets. 

When he thought that the pain was 
as bad as it could be, the guards tied 
his arms together behind him, then, 
with a long rope, pulled them down to- 
ward his ankles, which were lashed to- 
gether. He was being bent into a tight 
circle. 

Because of the body 


blacking out again. Without actually 
deciding to, he started answering the 
interrogators’ questions. He talked 
about strikes that were planned against 
roads and bridges he had already 
bombed. He talked about people he 
had flown with years before, made up 
formations and methods of attack, try- 
ing desperately to make them sound 
convincing. They listened, took notes 


and did not stop him. He was willing, 
he realized, to do anything at all for a 
drink of water. 

Finally, his interrogators seemed 
satisfied with his answers. “You have a 
good attitude, Stafford,” one of them 
said. He gave Stafford a small cup of 
water. He drank jt with pitiful, infantile 
gratitude. 


. 

in 一 Fom torture, from his shrap- 
nel wounds, from his broken arm. col- 
larbone and ribs 一 was not the worst 
element of Stafford’s condition. Pain 
was bearable. The shame was worse. 
He had been broken; in a few days, he 
had been changed from a man who be- 
lieved he could resist to death to a man 
who would tell his captors whatever 
they wanted to know for a drink of wa- 
ter. It was the deepest form of depres- 
sion that he had ever known. He had 
sworn himself to standards and failed 
to live up to them. He had betrayed 
himself and his comrades. 

The only way to be certain that he 
would not break again, Stafford decid- 
ed, was to kill himself. So, using the 
few bits of clothing he'd been giv- 
en—prison pajamas—and some of the 
gauze from his cast, he fashioned a 
noose, which he hung from the bars in 
the window of his cell. Then he stood 
on the concrete bunk and kicked. The 
force of the noose tightening broke up 
some of the crumbling mortar that an- 
chored the bars around the window. 
He fella foot and a half to the floor. He 
sat there in a heap, with plaster dust 
floating down on his head, thinking, 
u worthless piece of shit. You cant 
even do that right. 

. 

After a month alone in his void of 
pain, remorse and self-pity, Stafford 
was roused late one night by the 
guards. They took him to a waiting 
truck. The driver ran through the 
gears on his way out of the courtyard 
of Hoa Lo and into the streets of 
Hanoi. The drive lasted an hour or so, 
and when the truck pulled to a stop, 
the guards lifted Stafford to the 
ground. He was the newest prisoner in 
a place the captives called the Planta- 
tion. 

He was led along a gravel path to a 
long shed with several doors. His san- 
dals made a soft crunching sound as he 
walked, and the night air felt wonder- 
fully clean after his foul, unventilated 
cell at Hoa Lo. He waited in front of a 
door, blinking, while his eyes adjusted 
and a guard swung the door open. 

“Stafford,” a guard said, “this is your 
new room." 


(continued on page 138) 


[safety 


FIRST! RETURN TOOLS TO PROPER PLACES = »- 


" ALL EQUIPMENT] 
| PROPERTY OF 
NIC 


*] didn't think restrictions against teachers and students’ makin’ 
oul applied to trade schools." 


91 


AM 


our report card on collegiate styles 
that make the grade 


fashion 
By HOLLIS WAYNE 


TS THAT TIME of year again when thoughts return 
to school—and how to look good. Which should 
be a special pleasure this fall. Smart collegians 
will be wearing clothes that are both classy and 
casual, comfortable but sexy. That's right, the hot 
fabric will be good old denim. Those same great- 
feeling blue jeans that you've been living in all sum- 
mer should pull down top fashion grades this fall. 


(For a guide to the ins and outs of jeans, check our 


August Sh 


page.) Other denim that scores high will 
appear in stadium jackets and work shirts. In fact, 
the only way to flunk the denim look is to wear the 
fabric from head to toe. Instead, mix a denim shirt 
with a pair of khakis, black jeans or corduroy pants. 
(A funky tie held by an offbeat tie clip works well.) 


With blue jeans, wear a message T-shirt or a sweater 


or pick a printed shirt. Denim outerwear, especially 
the longer-length stadium coats, often features warm fleece linings and toggle closures. Some coats even have 
hoods, but if yours doesn't, buy a hooded sweat shirt and wear it with the hood over the outside of your col- 


lar. Then pull on some high-top sneakers, cowboy boots or funky hiking shoes and win one for the Gipper. 


Left: Sand-washed quilted cotton baseball jacket with zip front, by Tom Tailor, $185; paisley washed-cotton shirt, by Bugle Boy Men's, $30; 
cotton jeans, by Jordache, about $38; polished-leather-and-suede belt, by Charles Chevignon, $70; and antiqued-leather shoes, by Steeple 
Gate, about $130. (Her outfit by Calvin Klein Sport; backpack by Clava American.) Above: Poplin-and-suede jacket, by Members Only, $150; 
denim overalls, by Guess?, $84; loden cotton-jersey hooded sweat shirt with zip front, by Axis, $76; cotton T-shirt, by Fruit of the Loom, 
about $6.25; and silver-case watch with nylon-ribbed band and Fifties print on the face, by Charles Chevignon, $78. (Her outfit by Benetton.) 


93 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY TREL BROCK 


Left: Cotton denim toggle coat 
with fleece lining, hood and 
patch pockets, from B. Free by 
M. Julian, $230; cotton-blend 
SAVE OUR PLANET jersey double- 
mock-turtleneck sweat shirt, by 
Cotler, $34: and wide-wale cor- 
duroy pants, by Guess?, S64. 
Right, clockwise from 12: Nylon 
backpack, by Bad Guys, S68: 
padded polished-leather-and- 
Suede hiking boots, by Travel 
Fox, a Division of Hongson. S92: 
leather belt. by Charles Chevi- 
gnon, $68; cotton/corduroy, 
denim sport shirt, by Pepe, S58: 
Archie-face watch with air- 
plane-propeiler hands, trom 
Cheval by Bobtron, about $40; 
note pads with old ad prints on 
the cover, $15 for set of three, 
and cardboard clipboard with 
paper about S21, both by 
Charles Chevignon; black-plas- 
tic and tortoise-rim glasses, by 
Guess? Eyewear, about $110. 


мо 


Left: Cotton denim jacket with 
cotton-fleece removable vest 
with zip front and drawstring 
hood, by French Connection, 
$130; cotton T-shirt, by Fruit of 
the Loom, about $6.25; cotton 
trousers with double-pleated 
front, by Calvin Klein Sport for 
Men, $54; leather belt with an- 
lique silver buckle. by Billy 
Belts, $45; and nubuck penny 
loafers, by Barclay, $55. (The 
guy's date is wearing his cable- 
knit sweater, by Nautica, $145. 
Her denim skirt by Bik Bok; 
black hose by Ralph Lauren; 
and hat by Benetton.) Right: 
Wool melton sports coat, by 
Henry Grethel, $180; button- 
down denim shirt, by Bugle Boy 
Men's, $30; jeans, by his. 
about $22; silk galaxy-print tie, 
from Perry Ellis by Manhattan 
Menswear Group, $55; and kick- 
ing-leg tie clip, by Tom Tailor, 
$32. (Her outfit by Benetton.) 


Where & How to Buy 
on page 172 


98 


i went headfirst. 
there was plenty of time to think about death— 


but not enough time to do anything about it 


THE DAY AFTER my first bungee jumps, I was sitting with the 
crazy Kockelman brothers, trying to describe the fright 
that had ambushed me as 1 stood looking down, thinking 
about the swan dive I was supposed to make from the rail 
of a 110-foot bridge somewhere in the Sierras. You'd 
think by now I'd know better than to go naming the tiger 
Chuckles before 1 had my head all the way down its 
throat, but I just hadn't expected this particular foolish 
ness to scare me as much as it finally did. 

John, the older of the brothers, the founding demento 
behind the only commercial bungee-jumping operation 
in the country, sat there smiling and nodding as I told my 
story. "Fear of heights is a very primitive thing," he said. 
"It's in our genetics back to prehistoric times. People who 
didn't fear heights aren't in the gene pool anymore." 

Perhaps nut, I thought. But when you consider that 
more than 4000 people have paid Bungee Adventures 
for a chance to jump from a fatal height on the end ofa 
big rubber band, you have to allow that somewhere along 
the genetic track, more than a few harebrained chromo- 
somes have slipped through 

Including mine, I guess. I've always been curious 
about what it would feel like to take a death fall. Mildly 
curicus, anyway. The actual impact doesn't interest me at 
all, which made bungee jumping seem almost perfect: a 
chance to drum up the rush that probably goes with a 
suicidal plunge except that you're attached to a piece of 
technology that says “Just kidding" at the last moment. 

. 
1 headed for the mountains on a hot summer Sunday 


under instructions to keep the location of the bridge 


RUBBER 
J U M P 


By CREALO VETTER 


ILLUSTRATION BY RAFAL OLBINSKI 


PLAYBOY 


100 


secret. "Because," read the flier I'd 
been sent, “bungee jumping is not an 
officially sanctioned sport." In fact, it 
has been something of an outlaw sport, 
and has been since April Fools’ Day of 
1979 when a posse of tuxedo-wcaring, 
champagne-drinking yo-yos who call 
themselves the Dangerous Sports Club 
of Oxford, England, jumped fiom the 
ton Bridge in Bristol. Because they 
didn't expect that anyone who owned 
a bridge would give them permission 
to bounce and dangle from it, they 
didn't ask and were sted, Since 
then, most bungee jumping has been 
done by small groups using guerrilla 
tactics. Except in France, where it has 
become something of a craze in the 
past couple of seasons. According to 
the Club Élastique de France, 9000 
people bungee-jumped in the first six 
months of 1989, and they had expect- 
ed another 15,000 to try it by the end 
of that summer. As it turned out, 
the French government temporarily 
inned the sport in July 1989 after 
three people were killed, one off a 
bridge, two in jumps from the tops of 
cranes. 


. 

I drove the last seven miles to The 
Bridge at None of Your Business in 
calm spirits, over leprous and winding 
pavement, through a parched, oaky 
river gorge. I caught sight of the long 
concrete span from a distance and 
heard myself thinking, That's gota be 
more than 100 feet, though vou'd 
think by now I'd know that 100 feet as 
you sit in your chair imagining it be- 
comes 100 meters when you actually 
look it in the face to climb or to jump it. 
1 parked next to a bullet-peppered 
sign that read, No JUMPING OR DIVING FROM 
THE BRIDGE. 

The first thing 1 heard as 1 climbed 
out of my car was a scream. Eight or 
ten people at the far end of the bridge 
were leaning out over the railing, and 
as 1 looked, a body reached the top of a 
giant pendulum at my end, then made 
a huge, screeching arc back to the far 
end, then to me again, and back, until 
on a final swing over the riverbank, he 
undid the brake on his rope and rap- 
pelled onto dry land at the edge of the 
fast, shallow stream. 

Just for a minute, I thought these 
were the bungee jumpers, though it 
didn't look right. They were using a 
climbing rope, not a bungee cord, and 
instead of jumping, they were step] 
off the railing—the way 
stepped off branches—into 60- and 70- 
foot sweeps. When I asked, the man 
who was tending their rigging told me 
the bungee jumpers had been there in 
the morning and would be back in 
about half an hour. He said that his 
group was just a bunch of free-lance 


thrillheads, cavers and climbers who'd 
brought their wives and child out 


for an inexpensive adrenaline fix. 
“You 


going to jump on the 
he asked me, He was wear- 
ne Corps T-shirt over a beer 
and when 1 told him yes, he said, 
You won't catch me on one of 
those things. I've rappelled down 
cliffs, I've jumped out of helicopters, 
but you couldn't make me jump a 
bungee. I don't trust those mother- 
fuckers.” 

It was a little like listening to a newt 
call a sea slug ugly, I thought, as we 
watched a man step from the end of 
the bridge with his three-year-old 
rnessed to his chest. She 

layground smile on her face as 
the two of them reached the top of 
their first swing just below me. Her 
sunn a 
behind her litte head. 

Other cars pulled onto the bridge 
and parked. The people who got out 
and began milling around were young, 
dressed in shorts, jeans, sweat clothes. 
When the Bungee Adventures van 
parked near the middle of the up- 
stream railing, 11 of us, including two 
women, gathered around the rear 
doors as the jump masters unloaded 
the gear: bungees, harnesses, carabi- 
ners, an A frame made of heavy pipe 
with a pulley system attached to it. 
When they'd bolted the frame to the 
bridge railing, they handed out the re- 
lease forms. | never read them any- 
more. | just skip to the bottom line and 
sign my name, because I don't need 
the lecture from the lawyers that reads, 
“This is deeply stupid of you, and if 
something goes wrong, you might as 
well show your insurance card to the 
turkey vultu 

“My names Roger,” said a thin 
young man with a shy smile and a 
thousand freckles. “Bungee Adven- 
tures has been ın business since May of 
1988 and we've done several thousand 
jumps. You'll be jumping on three mil- 
itary-spec bungee cords.” He held 
them up for us to see. They were band- 
ed together like television. cables. 
“Each of the cords is made of three 
hundred sixty-five strands of rubber, 
surrounded by a nylon sheath that is 
stronger than the strands themselves. 
They're forty-five feet long and they'll 
stretch to about ninety feet. Each cord 
has a breaking point of about fifteen 
hundred pounds, and since everybody 
is going to be jumping on at least 
three cords, that's forty-five hundred 
pounds of static breaking strength. Ev- 
g is redundant, including two 
harnesses, three carabiners and two 
anchors into the bridge, each rated at 
twenty thousand pounds.” 

He pulled on the anchor frame and 


gave us a reassuring smile. “Nothing's 
ever broken,” he said, which is what all 
of us wanted to hear. Then he added. 
“The only time anything’s ever broken 
is when John did a body dip off the 
Golden Gate Bridge with two ou cords 
and they both snapped. They didn't 
break all the way throu h. The nylon 
sheath held. Saved his life.” 

1 stood there, looking down the 100 
feet between me and the water, think- 
, The Golden Gate Bridge? А body 
dip from 267 feet into the San Francis 
co Bay? Who are these guys? 

. 

1 met them at lunch the next day: 
John, da old, clean and 
studious in his horn-rimmed glasses, 
looking more like the lawyer who had 
written the liability release than the 
man who had thought up the edgy 
enterprise, and Peter, three years 
younger, with his Huck Finn face and 
short, weedy blond hair. The two of 
them had grown up in Palo Alto. Sum- 
mers, they rock-climbed in Yosemite, 
and on their way home from one of 
those trips, they spotted a high bridge 
and decided it would be fun to rappel 
down from it and then Jumar back up. 
It was while he hung below the bridge 
at the limit of his rope that John had 
what he calls a vision: He saw himself 
bungee-cording off the thing. 

“I could picture it in my mind.” he 
told me. “I have a funny brai 
brother Peter rolled his eyes and nod- 
ded his head— and when I picture 
something that really turns me on, it 
becomes an obsessio 

There were no books on bungee 
jumping. no magazine articles. All 
John knew about the sport was a seg- 
ment he'd seen eight years before on 
the television show Thats Incredible!, 
which featured the Dangerous Sports 
Club. So he started from scratch, He 
ordered 100 feet of bungee from a 
West German military supplier, then 
used his rock-climbing equipment to 
design a harness system and his degree 
in computer engineering to calculate 
the physics of stretch and rebound. He 
worked the bugs out by jumping off a 
baseball backstop at a local junior high. 

Peter was working for an aerospace 
company in Los Angeles. “I got this 
call from John, saying, "Hey, man, 
we're going to jump off a bridge,’ and I 
just started sweating bullets, because I 
know some of the stupid things he's 
done in his lifetime. Once, when he 
was ten years old, he jumped over 
eight garbage cans on his BMX bike 
and cleared them by another eight, so 
he could have jumped over sixteen." 

They took their best friends along 
on the first jump. Seven of them ar- 
ived at the bridge at night, climbed 

(coutinued on page 160) 


| -全 


“T hesitate to ask you to come up because I share my studio with a sloppy, nosy, 
talkative, blonde, blue-eyed roommate who, moreover, is a nymphomaniac.” 


101 


102 


ANIMAL 


| 


miss september stays on cozy terms with her wild kingdom 


OUR THE APARTMENT Kerri Kendall shares with her mother and you meet the members of Ker- 

тїз animal kingdom. “That's Ulysses S. Grunt and Ulinda S. Grunt,” she says, pointing to 

the pair of fluffy pink pigs—stuffed-animal variety—splayed atop the sofa. “They used to 

just date, but they're married now." On a shelf above the Grunts’ soft snouts, clumped care- 

lessly around the trophies Kerri won in local bikini contests, is a cloth menagerie of rabbits, 
bears and, yes, more pigs (“I just love pigs—aren't they adorable?" asks the svelte San Diegan). 
In a bookcase in the breakfast nook are three tiny green ceramic inchworms, molded, baked 
and painted by Kerri herself. "Morris, Jill and Wendell,” she says proudly. “They're a family" 
The introductions continue, with a few uncertainties (“This is Jennifer,” she says, plucking 
other clay creature from a shelf. "I don't know what she is"), until the tall, tanned California 
girl collapses onto the couch with a giggle and says, “I know I have a lot of weird thing 
here, because 1 know I'm weird!” Imaginative, maybe. Definitely creative. But weird 
your life. The levelheaded, down-to-earth Miss September, 20 years old this month, grew up in 
a quiet neighborhood north of downtown San Diego with a mother she now calls her best 
friend and an older brother who looked out for her. She romped around the nearby canyons, 
"hanging out and acting tough" with her brother and his friends, then went to work after high 
school as a part-time model and full-time receptionist in an out-patient emergency clinic. “The 
funny thing about that job," she says, "is that I have a phobia about doctors’ offices. The first 
time 1 had to go in while the doctor was with a patient, 1 just started swooning. You know that 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN WAYDA 


“H's hard ta make friends with girls when you look the woy | da,” says Kerri, who calls herself a loner. "Women get very сотре! 
araund me. The minute they see me, they assume that I'm going to try to steal their boyfriends. At parties. | usually end up hanging 
aut with the guys, because the girls won't talk to me. Sometimes | feel like shouting, ‘Don't be mod at me! I'm just talking to 'em."" 


ES ч 
/ 
* 


ч 
ти 


— 


105 


106 


kind of sterilized, alcohol, people-in- 
Gumby-suits smell? It reminded me of 
when | was little and had to get vacci- 
nations. | used to scream and hide un- 
der a counter for hours.” But Kerri 
decided to hang in there with the job, 
because "] have the best boss in the 
world,” she says. He knows his gor 

geous receptionist is headed for bigger 
things, and he understands. When he 
heard that Kerri was picked to be a 
Playmate, he said, ake whatever 
time off you need. Have fun." And she 
has, such as the day she visited Playboy 
Mansion West and heard a motorcycle 
roar up the driveway. “I went outside 
and saw the most beautiful bike Га ev 
er seen—it was midnight purple, with 
leather fringe. Beautiful! I said, 
"Whose bike is this? And someone 
said, "That's Jimmy's.” 1 said, Jimmy? 
Jimmy—James Caan. 1 said, James 
Caan? Naaah ”While she busied her- 
self taking pictures of the bike “from 
every angle,” out strolled the star him- 
self. It was a thrill, but nothing Kerri 
couldn't handle. “People are just peo- 
ple to me,” she says. "I dont judge 
them by how important they're sup- 
posed to be or how famous they are. 1 
judge them by their attitude." And she 
doesnt cotton to money talk. “Some 
guys uy to impress you by telling you 
they have this big old house or all these 
cars.” Kerri shakes her pretty head at 
the thought. “When they do that, I just 
think, Well, that does me a lot of good! 
What do you want? A brownie but 
ton?” For now, Kerri is taking life one 
day at a time—she doesn't know if she 
wants a career or kids or both, and 
she's in no hurry to move away from 
her best friend, her mom. *I used to 
get nervous wondering about the fu- 
ture, but I don't bother with getting 
nervous anymore. Whatever happens, 
I know that I'll have some laugh: 


"А good tan, a great body—the natural look.” says Miss September when asked ta describe the man of her dreams "I'm not inte 


the male-model type, with the blow-dried hair and the fake smile. | love men who look like they just sprouted up out of the ground.” 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


NAME _ Kerrey Kendall 

sus; XO warst: Ze ars; IS _ 
E 

HEIGHT: SY wero: u 


BIRTH DATE: 9125/0. sera Sa] Diego, CA. 


AMBITIONS: 10 become More wordly bit never 
5 € 2 ec 


TURN-ONS: _ SUMMER TIME , Sense Of MOMOR, — 
na Y n= 


quan-orrs: MATERIALISM, dimi dos Lig. 
©) 2 


SUNNY DAYS: O 


IANSR с: And Reggae MUSIC... 


FUTURE SHOCKS: un: 


AO E AE hot UIL be 


Wappy whatever т choose 一 一 


Ы n 
TH gRade 
I Hare PICTURE day! Oooh, babys FM Perm kom hei | 


14 тољ ORAL 
E Search 1 © 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


When he could squeeze in the time, the Pope 
made arrangements to play nine holes of golf. At 
the seventh hole, a 175-yard раг тес to an 
island green, he prudently decided to tee up an 
old ball. Suddenly, a thunderous voice boomed 
from above, “Tee up a new ball.” 

The pontiff dutifully bent down and replaced 
the old ball with a new one. Once again, a thu 
derous voice boomed, “Now step back and take a 
few practice swings.” 

The Pope stepped back and practiced his 
swing, Several minutes passed, then he heard a 
ce from above intoned, “OK, tee 


One of President Gorbachev's aides rushed into 


his Kremlin office and cried out, 


% the bad news?" the be: 

bachev nervously asked. 
“Space aliens have landed in L 
“TII be damned! And the good ne 
“They hate Americans and shit wheat.” 


As the emergene 
ing the young maris contusions, he 


room physician began 


ked hi 


“| abada with my ginl- 
friend,” he explained, "when her father walked 
into the room and started bea e with his 


“Is he crazy?" the medic asked. 


No, he's de 


It wall Streets Merrill Lynch decided to buy out 
troubled Drexel Burnham, do you suppose it 
would r me the firm Lynch & Burnhan 


g when 
started 


Charley and Bill were out deep-se 
r boa and sank 


shark attacked Charley. Although severely bitu 
on the legs, he was able to continue swimmi 
Soon, however, the shark returned and slashed 
his arms. Now completely disabled, he beg; 
foundering. Bill swam back for him and said, 
“The island's not far now. Get on my back and III 
swim us both to shore 
An hour later, Bill hauled Charley out of the 
waves and onto the beach, where they both col- 
lapsed, exhausted. “Boy,” Bill said, sighing, “Em 
fucked. 
1 know.” Charley replied apologetic 
thats the only way I could hold on." 


ly, “but 


A suburban woman and three friends were play- 
ing bridge one evening. When the hostess’ hus: 
band came into the room and announced that he 
was going to bed, she unzipped his fly, took out 
his penis, kissed it and said good night. 
The three other women were dumb-struck. 
“Helen, that’s the most disgusting th 
а!” one exclaimed. 
You wouldn't think it was so disgusting,” she 
replied, “if you ever smelled his breath.” 


Wh 


pe 


at do lawyers use for birth control? Th. 
aliti 


Three men sitting side by side on a plane had rid- 
den silently for half an hour when the one next to 
the window cleared his throat and said, “Gener- 
al, United States Army, married, two sons, both 
surgeons." 

Another 30 
n on the a 
nited States 
judge 

A full hour later, the man in the middle spoke 
up. "Sergeant major, United States Marine 
Corps, never married, two sons, both generals." 


nutes passed in silence until the 
le snorted and said, "General, 
ir Force, married, two sons, both 


Two agents were walking down the street in Los 
Angeles when a beautiful woman walked in front 
of them. 

Boy, Pd li 


e to fuck her,” said one. 
id the other. "Out of w 


2 „4... 


help defray expenses of the Huntington Beach 
oil-spill clean-up, the Los Angeles city council is 
considering acquiring the spill, then bottling and 
marketing the gooey мш as “Oil of L.A” 


One hot and dusty day, a cowboy rode ino 
а small frontier town. After dismounting, he 
walked behind his horse, lifted its tail and kissed 
it where the sun dont shine 

An old man rocking by the general store wit- 
nessed this strange event. "Whatya do that fei 
he asked. 

“Got chapped 

‘Does that help? 

"Nope, but it keeps me from li 


” the cowpoke replied 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on a post- 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, Playboy, 
680 North Lake Shove Drive, Chicago, Mlinois 
60611. $100 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


“Not only do I curse you but your descendants also. Know 
that they will be so heavily taxed they'll be forced to open this 
castle as a tourist attraction!" 


115 


228. 
w x ‘ 
N Y ig uere. 
EUMD А 
SB 


> AAN 


PLAYBOY PROFILE 


By Laurence Gonzales 


SURE, IT'S JUST A MOVIE. THE ACTOR STILL HAS TO BATTLE 
HIS FANS, HIS FAME AND AN OBSTINATE CELLULAR PHONE 


Charlie Sheen Goes to War 


1 TOOK IT as a sign of friendship when 
Charlie Sheen allowed me to smash the 
cellular telephone with him. We used 
the 20-pound dumbbells. We had been 
in the trailer for many days, locked in a 
savage, inward-looking psychosis that 
inevitably creeps up during the mak- 
ing of a big-budget motion picture. He 
had already tried the Binaca blast a 
commando technique for killing flies, 
using a Bic lighter and a Binaca 
breath-spray canıster to make an ım- 
provised flame thrower. But clearly, 
other, more bizarre diversions would 
have to be found lest dementia set in. 

I sat at the kitchen table, Sheen sat 
on the couch and his lifelong friend, 
Pat Kenney, stood in the kitchen, 
opening cupboards, looking fora bowl. 
He opened one above the refrigerator 
and said, “Hey, look. a microwave." 

“Let's get a hamster and a video 
camera," Sheen said. 

The trailer, which looked like an in- 
jection-molded motel room inside, sat 
in a line of trailers in the Knights of 
Columbus parking lot in Virginia 
Beach, Virginia, in ıhe middle of a 
pine forest right next to Camp Pendle- 
ton and Naval Air Station Oceana. 

Sheen was starring in Navy SEALS, 
directed by Lewis (Jewel of the Nile) 
Teague. Troubled Orion Pictures had 
high hopes for the film, an action-ad- 
venture saga about Navy commandos 
versus Arab terrorists. To enhance its 
box-office potential. Navy SEALS fea- 
tures a rowdy, daredevil line-up of 
male stars from Platoon, The Abys, 
Aliens and The Terminator, all of whom 
(it was hoped) would make Top Gun 
look like Restoration drama. And 


Sheen was the most bankable of the 
group 

But there were complaints about the 
director—not only from the actors but 
at every level of the production. Lead- 
ership is never an easy quality to come 
by on a grand, rolling ship in the chop- 
py sea of cinema. Now there was the 
chafing of icebergs against the gun- 
wales, the muttering among the crew 
“Failing upward,” 1 heard several ac- 
tors say, ın reference to how this him 
had come to be made at all. 

Sheen himself said, “Orion sends 
some executive down here for the day 
with “ups. We really need his tips. He 
spends half the day on the phone talk- 
ing to his secretary so he doesn't miss 
any calls. Then he has lunch, talks to 
me about future projects and bails. No 
wonder things get fucked up.” 

Chuck Pfarrer, who wrote the story 
on which Nau SEALS is based, told 
me, “This is what we used to call in the 
military a goat fuck.” 

Sheen was a professional. He 
showed up in the make-up trailer on 
time every morning. He didn't throw 
tantrums when others around him 
were losing their heads. He did what 
the director told him, even when it was 
clearly silly. He gave every perform- 
ance his best shot, even under the 
worst conditions. Still, it was inevitable 
that a certain irritability would build. 
There had been long delays in getting 
a sequence that was supposed to have 
taken one day to shoot. There had 
been much rewriting, with high-priced 
script doctors flown in from L.A. One 
scene, a football game on a beach, was 
such an obvious copy of the volleyball 


ILLUSTRATION BY DAVID LE 


117 


PLAYBOY 


18 


scene from Top Gun that the actors 
unanimously refused to do it, and a 
goll-course scene was invented by one 
of the actors, Bill Paxton. 

The cellular phone in the trailer was 
simply the last of many straws. Every 
time Sheen tried to call his then-fian- 
cée, Kelly Preston, just as they would 
get to the intimate part (such as "Hel- 
lo", some kind of hounds-of-hell 
squeal would cut in, the line would go 
dead and he would be sitting there 
talking to himself. 

Sheen, on the couch, held the phone 
to his ear. saying. “Hello. Hello. Hel- 
lo." No expression. He didn't seem an- 
gry. We had been working out with the 
20-pound dumbbells, doing curls, and 
they were on the floor beside my chai 
He seemed calm when he walked over 
and said, "Excuse me," and picked up 
one of the dumbbells. I picked up the 
other and followed him out of the tr: 
er into the hot Virginia sun—not sure 
yet what we were going to do. 

Sheen set the cellular phone on the 
asphalt. Then, without a word, without 
a sign of emotion, he held the dumb- 
bell high and aimed carefully before 
letting it drop squarely onto the hand- 
set. Suddenly, it was a Killing frenzy. 
with both of us dropping dumbbells, 


over and over, onto the various parts оѓ 


the phone, until the device was re- 
duced to a collection of shattered mi- 
crocircuitry and shards of plastic. 
Without a word, we went back inside 
and set the dumbbells down. In a few 
more minutes, a middle-aged woman 
came to the door and asked if the air 
conditioning was working all right (it 
wasn't) and Sheen apologized to her 
about the phone. “I kind of put an end 
to it,” he said, now bashful and boyish. 
“Just tell them to send me a bill.” 
е 
We worked ош every night after the 
shooting day was done. Wareing's was 
a serious bodybuilding gym not far 
from the Navy base, where emerging 
gods and goddesses buffed up their 
corporeal reality with Olympic weight 
routines and special pain machines. 
Men would come up to talk to Sheen. 
Good to have you working out here,” 
they'd say, or “We're having a party lat- 
er. Be great if you'd stop b 
Sheen would shake hands, alway: 
cordial. But he'd try to be honest with 
them, too. “Actually, Tve got to go 
watch the play-offs.” Or ^I don't usual- 
y much." He told me that some- 
times he would wrap two fingers of his 
right hand with tape before going out 
to dinner to avoid signing autographs. 
nd you know what people do: 
Kenney asked. "They say, "Well, how 
about signing with your left hand?" 
Our workout was intense, with little 


talking, and 45 minutes later (“IF 1 do 
abs, Fll throw up,” Sheen said apolo- 
getically as we left), we were on our 
way to a bar for the first game of the 
American League play-offs. He was 
mostly cool about fans, but that bar was 
chosen in part because of its distinct 
lack of popularity and its big-screen 
TV and in part because of Pam, the 
bartender, who was relaxed about the 
fact that she got to serve Sheen all 
night long and that he actually talked 
to her—actually liked her. The whole 
cast liked her. 

Sheen doesn't think it's right to be 
mean to fans. He told me that when 
Roseanne Barr was filming She-Devil, 
she had had a covered walkway—three 
blocks long—built from the set of the 
movie to her trailer so that fans 
couldn't even see | her. “What a fucking 
pig that lady is," he said. “But she's 
parlayed pigness into a multimillion- 
dollar business, so that's the name of 
the game, I guess." 

But there was a down side to being 
in such a bar. At least if you're in a love- 
ly bar, then lovely people will pester 
you. But if you're in a nowhere bar. . 
well, every plan has its drawbacks. 
Such as the plump blonde who lurched 
with her nd one night and 
stopped dead in her tracks when she 
realized her amazing good fortune— 
she had stumbled upon Charlie Sheen 
and other stars whom she may have 
recognized from Aliens, The Abyss, The 
Lords of Discipline and Hill Street Blues. 

She and her friend walked past us, 
very close, and she said, “Excuse me.” 


They sat close to us and loudly ordered 


he watched the baseball game. Finally, 
unable to control herself any longer, 
the plump girl planted. herself right 
beside Sheen, with her crotch just 
about level with his nose and her fat 
legs sucking out of her blue-denim 
skirt like sausages. She nervously intro- 
duced herself, and Sheen said hello, 
thank you very much, good night, but 
she would not go away. It was touchy 
for about half an hour. The blonde and 
her friend kept coming back. giggling 
and interrupting the game, while 
Sheen restrained himself and said 
nothing. The girls finally left, and as 
they did so, he looked up to see the 
four great buttocks wiggling away. “I 
have two words for you, girls,” he said. 
"Stair Master." 


. 

Sheen stood out in the sun in a park- 
ing lot, waiting to do one of the last 
scenes in the film. It was a touching 
one in which two old friends say good- 
bye, requiring him to reach for some 
depth and concentration. Beyond the 
lot was the Navy shipyard, where the 


U.S.S. Coral Sea, the U.S.S. John E 
Kennedy and numerous other aircraft 
carriers were docked. They were so big 
that being among them gave us the 
feeling of being in midtown Manhat- 
tan, those billions of tons of haze-gray, 
angular steel sitting like an architec- 
tural trick upon the gentle, rippling 
sea. 

From the nearest ship came a noise 
so loud that we had to shout to be 
heard. Sheen stood in the hot glare, 
wearing no sunglasses, chewing his cu- 
ticles, Kuki Lopez, the first assistant di- 
rector, marched up and down the lines 
of sailors who had gathered to watch, 
shouting, "Clear the actors’ sight line, 
please. Everybody back! Back!” 

Sheen did not wait patiently, but he 
did wait diligently. Something came 
over him in those lulls between the ac- 
tion, and smoking a Marlboro held be- 
tween thumb and forefinger, he 
seemed insulated from his surround- 
ings. (In talking to me about his de- 
meanor on the set, he quoted Marlon 
Brando: "Just because they say ‘Action!’ 
doesn't mean you have to do any 
thing.”) 
heen understood that moviernak- 
ing is like combat. Every time the di- 
rector yelled “Cut!” entire battal К 
people and equipment swept across 
our field of vision. Martin Sheen, his 
father, had taken Charlie, then tei 
the Philippines during the 
Apocalypse Now. When M: 
heart attack and nearly died du 
the filming, something clicked in Char- 
lie's mind. Ten years later, Charlie re- 
turned to the Philippines to film 
Platoon, and the karmic circle was com- 
pleted. Those bizarre times and events 
set his method and demeanor on the 
set of every subsequent movi 

The director was finally satisfied that 
he had the shot, despite the screeching 
and grinding, and no sooner had he 
said “Print it” than Sheen walked calm- 
ly to the waiting Lincoln Continental 
by the roadside, got in and vanished. 

There was an element of loneliness, 
even fear, in Sheen's situation here. 
When he went from the bar to the 
bathroom, he would take with him 
Kenney or one of the Navy Seals who 
were working on the film as technical 
advisors, in case of ambush. Of course, 
the guys were always joking about it. 
When good-looking women appeared, 
someone would say, “Incoming,” or 
“Pleasure units approaching at three 
o'clock, sir." Boys will be boys, especial- 
ly when they're playing Navy Seals 
with real Navy Seals around to egg 
them on. Coming onto the scene, a 
Seal might greet the assemblage with, 
"Is the fun meter pegged out yet? 

(continued on page 166) 


“Go to bed with you? Get real!” 


ns 


120 


PLATERO 
PRO FOOTBALL 
puo HEX DT 


Sports By “GARY COLE 


WHEN 1 was just a little fella sittin’ at the knee of the late Anson Mount, Playboy's 
poppa football prognosticator, he taught me rule number one of the mystical 
trade. “Son,” said Anson, “never pick a Super Bowl winner to repeat.” Seemed 
like sound advice. After all, no team had turned the trick since the Steelers 
dynasty of the late Seventies. Heck, from 1983 to 1987, no 


THE Super Bowl champ had even won a play-off game the follow- 
ing year. 

There are lots of reasons it’s hard to repeat. First, winners 

WINNERS get the following seasor's toughest schedule. Then there's the 

reverse order of the draft. Win the Super Bowl and you pick 

AND 28th on the first and subsequent rounds. Players and coaches 


also must write their memoirs after a Super Bowl win. And 
don't forget the rubber-chicken speaking circuit. And the Let- 
terman show. And some guys want to renegotiate their con- 


LOSERS 


IN THIS tracts and wind up missing training camp and holding out 
the first few games. And don't forget the luck factor—the luck 

5 of avoiding injuries, the luck of the way the ball bounces. 
SEASON'S So how come the San Francisco 49ers not only repeated but 


dominated last year, winning 14 out of 16 regular-season 
.F.L. WARS games and demolishing Denver 55-10 in Super Bowl XXIV? 
Simple. They have the best players, the best quarterback and 
a smart coach in George Seifert, all under the care of mod- 
ern-day patrone owner Eddie DeBartolo, Jr. (see page 123), who coddles his 
minions like fine works of art—which in the case of Joe Montana and Jerry Rice 
is just what they are. 

Oh, yeah. One other thing. The rest of the teams in pro football, with the pos- 
sible exception of the 1-15 Dallas Cowboys, are so closely bunched in talent and 
inspiration that they take turns bashing one another's brains out, while the 49ers 
cruise on a higher plane of existence. Last season, 17 o[ 28 teams finished within 
two games of .500. In the N.EC., only the 49ers, the Rams, the Eagles and the 
Giants managed to win more than ten games. In the A.EC., it was even closer; 
only Denver (11-5) won more than ten times. The term to describe the phe- 
nomenon is parity, and its father is Pete Rozelle, the former N.F.L. commission- 
er, whose replacement, league lawyer and confidant Paul Tagliabue, will most 
likely continue the state of equilibrium, which, for the time being, leaves San 
Francisco alone with its dynasty. 

So unless Joe Montana steps in a hole while deciding which of his five wide- 
open All-Pro receivers to throw to, we have no choice but to pick up the chant 
that began drifting along the 49ers bench about three minutes into Super Bowl 
XXIV—three-peat. 

If the outcome looks the same, the season will feature a few odd novelties. The 
league has added two more teams to the play-offs, a plan that comes too late to 
help Wisconsin fans, whose Packers would have made last year's play-offs had 
the new format been in place. According to Commissioner Tagliabue, it will 
“create added competition and excitement.” He could have added that it will 
put a few more million bucks in the pot. 

The season will also be extended to 17 weeks. Each team will receive a one- 
week bye and the extra week between the league championship and the Su- 
per Bowl will be eliminated. In 1992 and 1993, the season will expand to 18 
weeks, though each team will still play only 16 regular-season games. Again, 
figure more television (read monetary) opportunities. 

A restructuring of the league is definitely on Tagliabue's list of dos for the 
Nineties. The present two 14-team conferences, each separated into three 


JUUSTRATONEY CARTER GOODRICH 


122 


THIS SEASON'S WINNERS 


AMERICAN FOOTBALL CONFERENCE 


Eastem Division......... - Buffalo Bills 
Central Division... eere ettet incinnati Bengals 
Western Division ... ‚Kansas City Chiefs 
Wild Cards...... ‚Cleveland Browns 

San Diego Chargers 
A.F.C. Champion... «Cincinnati Bengals 

NATIONAL FOOTBALL CONFERENCE 

Eastern Division «Philadelphia Eagles 


Central Division 
Western Division. 


Minnesota Vikings 
San Francisco 49ers 


Wild Cards... ....New York Giants 
Los Angeles Rams 

„San Francisco 49ers 

SUPER BOWL CHAMPION . SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 


PLAYBOY’S 1990 PRE-SEASON 
ALL-PRO TEAM 


OFFENSE 


Joe Montana, San Francisco 
Christian Okoye, Kansas City. 
Barry Senders, Detroit ......... 
Jerry Rice, San Francisco. 
Sterling Sharpe, Green Bay 
Keith Jackson, Philadelphia. 
Anthony Muñoz, Cincinnati 
Gary Zimmerman, Minnesota. 
Tom Newberry. Los Angeles Rams... 
Mike Munchak, Houston. 
Jay Hilgenberg, Chicag: 


DEFENSE 


Reggie White, Philadelphia 
Chris Doleman, Minnesota.. 
Keith Millard, Minnesota.. 
Michael Dean Perry, Cleveland. 
Lawrence Taylor, New York Giant: 


Outside Linebacker 
Outside Linebacker 
Inside Linebacker 


David Fulcher, Cincinnati 
Ronnie Lott, San Francisco . 


SPECIALTIES 


Eddie Murray, Detroit 
Sean Landeta, New York Giants 
Rod Woodson, Pittsburgh. 
David Meggett, New York Giants. 
Ron Wolfley, Phoenix ... 


ROOKIE OF THE YEAR 
Keith McCants, Tampa Вау..... 


divisions, will probably be scrapped for 
three ten-team conferences, each di- 
vided into two divisions. That would 
open up two spots for expansi 
teams. 

And now, before any more artificial 
turf grows between our toes, let's take 
a swing around the league and scc 
who, if anyone, can challenge the 49ers 
in 1990. 


ion 


WESTERN DIVISION 
NATIONAL FOOTBALL CONFERENCE 


San Francisco 49ers ...... 13-3 
Los Angeles Rams...............1= 5 
New Orleans Saints .7- 9 
‚Atlanta Falcons ........... 4-12 


As San Francisco 49ers coach George 
Seifert said recently while polishing his 
Super Bowl ring, "We didnt change 
much from the Bill Walsh era. Why 
should we?” Pretty smart guy, this 
George Seifert. Forty-Niners, pretty 
good team. Four Super Bowls in the 
Eighties. Team of the decade. But 
when Seifert said “We didn't change,” 
he really meant, “We didn't stop chang- 
ig." Have the best team in football? 
Sign cornerbacks Hanford Dixon from 
Cleveland and Dave Waymer from 
New Orleans, defensive tackle Fred 
Smerlas from Buffalo and two or three 
other guys available through Plan B. 
Trade running back Terrence Flagler 
and defensive end Daniel Stubbs to the 
Cowboys for some draft picks next 
year. Dump malcontent cornerback 
Tim McKyer. Draft a nifty little speed 
ball named Dexter Carter from Florida 
State and take on Dennis Brown, a 
hulking if slightly pudgy defensive 
tackle from Washington. 

Seifert is shrewd about keeping the 
best of what he has: oflensive coordina- 
tor Mike Holmgren, who stays put 
even though three other teams are 
falling over one another to make him 
their head coach, and quarterback 
Steve Young, football's top backup 
player.who's waiting around another 
year for Joe the Magnificent to hang it 
up. 

There are lots of reasons the 49ers 
win but none more important than Joe 
Montana. Just look at the numbers last 
season: passes attempted, 386; passes 
completed, 271. That's 70.2 percent. 
‘Twenty-six touchdowns, only eight in- 
terceptions and a quarterb: rating 
of 112.4, the highest ever. But num- 
bers arent the whole story with Mon- 
tana: he is almost serene behind center 
in the most critical, pressure-packed 
situations. 

It has to be frustrating for Los Ange- 
les Rams coach John Robinson. His 
team was regarded by many as the sec- 
ond best in football last season, 
improved significantly in the off season 


“I ALWAYS WANTED to be six- 
three, says Edward 
DeBartolo, Jr.. 37". As a 
guard on his high school 
football team 30 years 
ago. DeBartolo had 
conflicting ambitions- He 
hoped to help his father 
expand the family busi- 
ness; he hoped to grow 
call and join the N.EL. 
Today. he runs the vast 
DeBartolo Corporation 
and owns the world- 
champ San Francisco 
49ers. Six-three is the 
only goal he didnt reach 

Fans know DeBartolo 
as the hvper little guy 
leaping to high-five his 
plavers. He stays out of 
strategy sessions and gets 
his kicks by showering 
the 49ers with love and 
money. His players have 
the top pavroll in the 
game and more perks 
than Mr. Coffee: single 
hotel rooms on the road. 
Two seats each on team 
flighis. a new training 
complex sometimes called "the Taj.” The owner fies 
players and their families to lavish parties—the latest was 
a $500,000 luau on Kauai. He sends birthday cards to 
their kids and gilt cerüficates to their wives. 

“I treat players and coaches the way I'd want to be 
treated if 1 were them.” he says. “Like valued employees. 
Like men.” Or perhaps even better: “Like Forty-Niners.” 

When he bought the team in 1977, he was 30 years old, 
a loudmouthed rich kid whose prime qualification for 
the job was that he'd roomed across the hall from Steeler 
hero Rocky Bleier in college. Things got rocky as the 
team got worse. The owner was roasted in the local press 
One scribe even blamed the team’s shortcomings on the 
owner's size. 

DeBartolo could have shifted the heat to the coach. No 
one was calling Bill Walsh a genius when the 1979 team 
went 2-14. But he saw in Walsh the combination of ego 
and grim purpose that the owner calls the Attitude. 
"Something m Bill—that sense of direction about 
him—told me things were going to turn." he says 

In the waning minutes of the 1982 N.F.C. title game, 
Dwight Clarks Velcro fingers snagged a Joe Montana 
pass. That touchdown reception, soon known simply as 
the Catch, finished Dallas as America’s team and 
launched the age of DeBartolo's team. "Dwights catch 
made the franchise. It started our Eighties roll." 

The Attitude begat the Catch and the Catch begat the 
Roll. From 1983 to 1990, the "Niners were 92-32-1 and 
went three for three in the Super Bowl. 


| LITTLE BIG MAN 


the 49ers' diminutive owner says he's growing up 


By Kevin Cook 


"Mr D. has done 
everything possible to 
make a winning atmos- 
phere,” Montana has 
said. “In return, the guys 
try to show their respect 
for him on the field.” 

In 1987, the guys even 
tried to return some of 
his money. When the 
N.EL. fined DeBartolo 
for offering his players 
bonuses if they won Su- 
per Bowl XXII, the "Nin- 
ers took up a collection 
and paid the fine them- 
selves. This, too, was ille- 
gal—the money went to 
charity—but the owner 
nearly wept when he 
learned what his plavers 
had done. 

"Frivolous" is one of 
the kinder things DeBar- 
tolo is called by rival 
owners. If his company 
were to lose $400,000, as 
his profligate team has, 
his critics charge. he 
wouldnt call it “a few 
dollars." True enough, but DeBartolo understands the 
crucial difference between running a corporation and 
running a team. In commerce. vou keep score by count- 
ing money: in football. the bottom line is Super Bowls 

Last spring, he was caught with his fiscal pants down 
In 1986. he had secretly transferred team accounts to the 
DeBartolo Corporation. saving millions but breaking a 
league rule against corporate ownership. “I'd think twice. 
before I did it again.” he says ruefully. Now 43, the "Nin- 
ers’ top man and top fan says he has mellowed. "My atti- 
tude has changed: Live vour life. run vour business and 
be with your family.” 

DeBartolo savors the best moments of his team's Eight- 
ies roll but doesn't forget the worst. There is a photo of 
the Catch, signed by Clark, in his homc. And, in a file 
cabinet in his office. the newspaper column that blamed 
his team’s imperfections on his height 

“We've been better and luckier than most teams,” he 
says. "And we're going to keep this winning unit togeth- 
er.” Not long ago. he re-signed his offensive coordinator 
to an unprecedented three-year contract at $200,000 an- 
nually. Then he gave ten other assistant coaches raises. 
want to stay competitive. If vou stay competitive, vou al- 
ways have a chance to make the play-ofls.” DeBartolo 
says. “And then, hell, anything can happen. 

If you have the Attitud 


123 


PLAYBOY 


124 


and is still second best. It's enough to 
make owner Georgia Fronuere's hair 
turn orange 

The heart of the Rams attack i: 
offensive line led by Jackie Slate: 
Doug Smith and Tom Newberry. As is 
the habit with good teams, the Rams 
improved upon a strength by drafting 
Washington center Bern Brostek with 
their first pick and nabbing guard Joe 
Milinichik, a starter at Detroit, through 
Plan B. Then they backed up Greg Bell 
(1137 yards) by dipping into Plan B 
once again for running back Curt 
Warner, the former Seattle star. 

Heading the Rams offense, of 
course, is Jim Everett, who passed for 
more touchdowns (29) than any other 
quarterback in the league. With re- 
ceivers Henry Ellard and deep threat 
Willie “Flipper” Anderson, who aver- 
aged an amazing 96 yards per catch, 
the Rams figure to trail only the 49ers 
(442 to 426 last year) in points scored. 

There is, however, a glaring weak- 
ness in the Rams’ otherwise strong 
game: pass defense. In that category, 
they finished 28th, dead last not just in 
the division, not just in the conference, 
but in the league, surrendering 4302 
yards to their opponents. Defensive co- 
ordinator Fritz Shurmur calls one de- 
fensive scheme the eagle, but last year, 
it performed more like a dodo. 

The New Orleans Saints have had 
three winning seasons in a row but on 
ly one play-off berth to show for it. And 
there's a disturbing trend to their 
numbers: 12 wins in 1987, ten wins in 
1988, nine wins in 1989. If general 
manager Jim Finks and coach Jim Mo- 
ra don’t find a way to plug the leaks. 
the Saints' ship may continue to sink. 

The biggest question is at quarter- 
back. Bobby Hebert, benched by Mora 
with three games left in the season, has 
asked to be traded. John Fourcade, 
who played well at the end of last sez 
son, is hardly a franchise Q.B.; his 
tendency to run out of the pocket also 
makes an injury-free season doubtful. 
The Saints drafted two young quarter- 
backs, Mike Buck from Maine and 
Gerry Gdowski from Nebraska, but 
neither will help any time soon. 

The outlook is brighter at running 
back, where Rueben Mayes returns aft- 
er missing last season with an injured 
Achilles’ tendon. Dalton Hilliard was a 
Saints savior in Mayes's absence, gain- 
ing more than 1200 yards. The offen- 
sive line is good, but the wide-receiving 
corps lacks a burner. 

On defense, the Saints played their 
version of Jekyll and Hyde. They were 
the top-rated. rushing defense in the 
league, thanks in large part to à stellar 
linebacking corps led by underrated 
Pat Swilling and Vaughn Johnson. Un- 
fortunately, stopping the rush sent op- 


posing teams to the air 
pass defense had more holes in it than 
Pete Fountain’s clarinet. The team took 
West Virginia defensive end Renaldo 
Turnbull with its first pick in the draft 
in an effort to bolster an aging defer 

sive front. 
lts the 25th anniversary of the At- 
lonta Falcans franchise this season and, 
appropriately enough, the team has 
decided to celebrate by returning to its 
original black jerseys. New coach Jerry 
Glanville, formerly with Houston, 
doesn't mind a bit, since they fit his all- 
black wardrobe just line. He promises 
to bring an attack philosophy to the 
Falcons, who were eminently forget- 
table last year. “We will hustle, we will 
chase, we will hit and we will be enthu- 
'" says the forme: Г 
the Oiler House of 
Ironically, Glanville may have re- 
ceived the biggest assist in his mission 
not from personnel director Ken He- 
rock but from Indianapolis Colts own- 
г Robert Irsay. Irsay fell so in love 


en Шіпі quarterback Jeff George's 


potential that he traded. ne Pro 
Bowl offensive lineman Chris Hinton, 
ide receiver Andre Rison and nes 
year's number-one pick to get the Fal- 
cons top spot in this year's draft. 

Glanville will switch the team to his 
version of the run-and-shoot, which he 
lls the "red gun." Quarterback Chris 
Miller, whose performance has yet to 
match his potential, will have as many 
as four wide receivers on the field. 

On defense, the Falcons are an- 
chored by nose tackle Tony Casillas 
and cornerback Deion Sanders. As a 
kick returner, Sanders is a threat to 
score every time he touches the ball. 
Unfortunately, for every bright spot on 
the Falcons defense, there's a hole 
next to it, accounting for opponents’ 
scoring an average 27.3 points per 
game last year. 


CENTRAL DIVISION 


NATIONAL FOOTBALL CONFERENCE 
Minnesota Vikings 


Detroit Lions .. . 

Green Bay Packers . . 
Chicago Bears. 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers .... 


Before the start of minicamp, Min- 
nesota Vikings general manager Mike 
Lynn joined his players on an Outward 
Bound type of program in New Mex 
co. Helping one another over a 50-foot 
wall was part of Lynn's strategy to up- 
date his image and revive pro football's 
premiere group of underachievers. 
The Vikings were picked by many, in- 
cluding us, to win last season's Super 
Bowl; instead, they limped in with a 
weak 10-6 record and lost their first- 
round play-off game. 


Don't blame the defense. Number 
one in 1988 and 1989, it's most likely 
to win top honors again. Last season, 
led by sack masters Chris Doleman (21) 
nd Keith Millard (18) Minnesota 
finished only one sack shy of the 1984 
Bears mark of 72. 

“To avoid the quarterback controver- 
sy that has haunted coach Jerry Burns 
in recent years, the Vikings released 
veteran [ommy Kramer. Ihe job be- 
longs to Wade Wilson and backup Rich 
Gannon, though rumored that 
Lynn covets the Cowboys' Steve Walsh. 

The Vikings also hope that they can 
reap some benefits from the controve 
sial Herschel Walker trade that sent 
а passel of players and агай picks to 
the Cowboys for the former Heisman 
winner Walker who gained more 
than 100 yards only once for the 
Vikes, should do better with new assist- 
ant head coach Tom Moore sending in 
the plays. 

Ironically, the Vikings won all eight 
of their home games, plaved indoors, 
but failed to prevail in any cold-weath- 
er sites, picking up victories in only 
"Tampa and the Silverdome. If they do 
t all this season, how many gener 
al managers will feel compelled to scale 
50-foot walls next year? 

The Detrait Lions could have done an 
"el foldo” act last year after stumbling 
to a 1-8 start. But coach Wayne Fontes 
refused to panic and the Lions finished 
6-1, with upsets of the Packers, the 
Browns and the Saints. Much of the 
credit goes to running back Barry 
Sanders, who finished a close second to 
Christian Okoye for the league rushing 
tide. Sanders, the new, improved and 
better-behaved version of Billy Sims, 
made offensive guru Mouse Davis 
run-and-shoot a lot more run than 
pass. 

Desperate for an outside pass rush 
on defense, the franchise instead 
nabbed Heisman-trophy quarterback 
Andre Ware on the seventh pick of the 
first round of the draft. He should be 
perfectly suited to the team's offensive 
Scheme. 
he Lions have the right attitude 
and some of the right talent. In the 
-turvy world of the N.EC. Cen- 
nything can happer 

It was almost the season of destiny 
for the Green Boy Pockers, time to finally 
put the Lombardi years to rest. Finish- 
ing at 10-6, the Pack was in the play- 
off hunt until the final game of the 
season. The unlikely hero was quarter- 
back Don Majkowski, who specialized 
in comeback victories and fourth-down 
magic. 

The Packers got plenty of help from 
Plan B (they signed 20 players) but 
litle from number-one draft pick 

(continued on page 146) 


“I thought I completed the talent part of the contest last 
might in your molel room!” 


126 


GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY 


1111 


a top lensman and a florida sunset shed new light on a hollywood star 


SEARAS photo assignments go, this one seemed pretty routine—on paper, at least: Famous actress would fly to 
icy hotel built on sparkling 


Naples, Florida, to pose for famous photographer against the backdrop of a 
sands. Famous actress (did we mention she's a stunning famous actress?) would strut about in colorful beach 
attire while famous photographer snapped her beauty on 35mm film. Meanwhile, fancy hotel would loom 
majestically in the background, delighting the folks at Condé Nas! Traveler—the publication that arranged this 
charming fr 
actress happened to be Rosanna Arquette, the charismatic, sexy star of Desperately Seeking Susan and a slew of other films— 
not to mention a forthcoming ABC miniseries in which she and Gary Cole play General and Mrs. George Armstrong 
Cu 
of the last quarter century." Anything was bound to happen on that slecpy Naples shore—and, as luck would have it, did. 


ic—and everyone would go home happy: Ah, but this was nal your normal photo shoot: See, the 


and the man behind the lens was Bert Stern, whom Camera magazine once called "the most exciting photographer 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY BERT STERN 


n award-winning 
crafisman who, throughout his 
30-plus-year career, has been al- 
ternately referred to as complex 


and enigmatic, a media star and 


a genius, Stern is probably best 
remembered as the fellow who 
struck gold during a little photo 
session with a big star—Marilyn 
Monroe. He had captured the 
screen goddess at her most natu- 
ral (and, as it turned out, most 
nude) while on assignment for 
Vogue magazine in the summer 
of 1962. Ironically, MM died a 
litle more than a month after 
Stern took the shots, and the 
resulting — portlolio—thereafter 
dubbed “The Last Sitting"—be- 
came instantly famous. It en- 
tered the hearts and libraries of 
photo buffs and Monroe devo- 
tees world-wide. And although 
male legends would also find 
themselves framed in Stern's 
view finder over the years (Louis 
Armstrong, Paul Newman and 
Buster Keaton come to mind), 
his specialty was the ladies— 
from the unnamed model to the 
Cosmo cover girl to Elizabeth 
Taylor. And now, in Naples, it 
was Rosanna Arqueue's tun 
“But right away, there was trou- 


ble,” remembers Stern. “First of 
all, Rosanna showed up on the 
set with short hair—a lot shorter 
than I had anticipated. Then she 
dropped the bombshell: She told 
us she wouldn't be posing in a 
bathing suit. The concept of the 
pictorial was that Rosanna was 
vacationing at this hotel in 
Naples. Who goes to Florida 
without a bathing suit?" Eventual- 
ly, Stern's stylist coaxed Arquette 
into a one-piece model, and the 
shoot proceeded as planned— 
Teast until the sun went down. 


129 


o there we were,” says Stern, “romping along the beach after sunset, when suddenly Rosanna said, ‘Do I have to 


wear this? —and off came the suit. Needless to say, 1 began clicking away.” Although the impromptu Stern-Ar- 


quette collaboration was exciting, it was also a wash: There simply hadn't been enough light to make decent pho- 
tos. “So I sugge 


d we do another session the following night,” says Stern. “right after Rosanna's scheduled 
evening-gown shots for the magazine's cover.” Arquette agreed, and Stern shilted into high gear. Within 24 hours 


he transformed himself 


om traveling photojournalist to wtiste—calling upon his famil 


ity with the setting, 
checking the special touches he planned to incorporate into the session, reviewing those elements that can turn an ordinary 


commercial snapshot into, well. a statement. “I'm really familiar with Naples," he explains. “I have been since the F 


ties. So I knew that, just before nightfall. Rosanna and I would have only three minutes—from the time the sun hit the 


horizon until it disappeared—of this magnificent golden light. That's when we'd get our shots.” Which is exactly what they 
did. “Afterward, Rosanna was excited about the shoot,” Stern recalls. “She liked the idea of doing se 
tures. Only thing is, even though we submitted all the shots, Traveler didn't run à 


у, pinuppy pic- 
ny of the nudes.” That's OK, Bert; we did. 


135 


PLAYBOY 


138 


CAPINE HONOR (continued from page 90) 


“When they started working me over, I tried to hold 


out, but, shit, I just couldn't. They broke me. 


دوو 


He stared into the cell, which was il- 
luminated by a single bare bulb. Two 
men were standing in the room, some 
distance from the door. 

"These are your new roommates. 
You must obey camp regulations or 
you will be punished." 

The guard motioned for Stafford to 
step inside. He did, and the door 
closed firmly behind him. He was close 
enough now to make out the faces of 
the two other men. They were Ameri- 
cans. 

Stafford embraced the first man he 
could reach. 

б 

They told one another, first, who 
they were. That meant, for aviators, 
what rank in which Service and what 
type of plane each flew. Bob Sawhill 
was an Air Force major, the pilot of an 
F-4. Tom Parrott, an Air Force captain, 
was not a pilot, actually, but an intelli- 
gence specialist who had gone along 
On the wrong mission. Each man told 
the story of his shoot-down; there was 
an odd pleasure in telling it, in being 
detached enough to describe it in de- 
tail. 

Finally, they began to talk about 
their immediate situation. The conver- 
sation faltered and grew strained as 
each man tried to find a way to say the 
same thing. 

"Listen, you two," Stafford said, 
"there's something I've got to tell you." 

Two gaunt, unshaven faces looked 
blankly back at him from the shadows 
beneath the mosquito netting. He hesi- 
шш, then began. 
when they asked me questions 
wi started working me over, I'm 
afraid I didn't do too well. I tried to 
hold out, but well, shit, 1 just 
couldn't. They broke me.” He felt the 
hot flush of shame all over again and 
looked down at the floor to avoid their 
eyes. 

Finally, one of them spoke. “You, 
too?” he said. “Join the fucking club.” 

For three months, Stafford, Sawhill 
and Parrott left their cell only to bathe. 
They were awakened every morning 
by a gong, were fed pumpkin soup 
twice a day and were told when to low- 
er their nets and go to bed on their 
boards and rice mats. They had no way 
of knowing how long this regimen 
would last. Within the space of a single 


thought, they could imagine six more 
months of it or 20 years. 
. 

During one of the routine shifts of 
cell assignments, Stafford ended up 
bunking with Richard Stratton, He was 
the senior ranking officer in the Plan- 
tation and one of the most celebrated, 
and controversial, figures of the war. 

In one of their propaganda offen- 
sives, the North Vietnamese had decid- 
ed to produce a confession from one of 
the captured "air pirates," who would 
acknowledge bombing civilian targets 
for the purpose of terrorizing the pop- 
ulaüon. Straton was the pilot they 
forced to confess. Inevitably, he did. 

The confession was pieced together 
from several torture sessions. The final 
version was tapc-recorded and played 
at a press conference for visiting jour- 
nalists, including a photographer from 
Life magazine. When Stratton stepped 
out onto the stage and was told by one 
of his captors to bow, he did not merely 
nod his head politely and deferentially 
as he'd been told. Instead, he impro- 
vised a gesture that would show be- 
yond any doubt that his confession was 
the result of torture, nothing more. He 
bowed deeply from the waist. Then he 
turned 90 degrees and bowed again. 
Another turn, another bow. And a 
fourth. Throughout this sequence of 
abject, mechanical bows, his remote 
and empty expression never changed 
It was horrifying to those who wit- 
nessed the performance and to those 
who saw the photographs later in Life. 
He had turned the propaganda event 
into a disaster for his captors, and his 
ingenuity set a standard for his fellow 
prisoners. 

Stratton had been a prisoner for a 
little more than a year now. It had 
been nine months since the shocking 
bowing performance, almost six since 
he had arrived at ıhe Plantation. He 
was an old hand. So was his roommate 
Arv Chauncey who had also been 
one of the first men imprisoned in the 
Plantation. Stafford was іп good hands. 

“Ary,” Stratton said one day, “you get 
on the wall and see if you can find out 
who else is here. I want to know if I'm 
S.R.O. in the camp." 

"Roger" Chauncey said, and 
stepped up close to the wall that was 
common with the next cell, knelt and 


began rapping it with his knuckle. Aft- 
er a minute or two, a softer rapping 
sound came through from the other 
side. Chauncey moved his lips like a 
child learning to read 

At all of the POW camps in North 
Vietnam, communication among pris- 
on cells was strictly forbidden. To try 
was to risk being thrown into solitary, 
locked in irons, hung in ropes or beat- 
en. Still, it was worth the risk, since 
communication was the foundation of 
any kind of resistance. 

To teach the system to Stafford, 
Stratton drew a box on the concrete 
floor, using a piece of chipped brick for 
chalk. He divided the box into smaller 
boxes and then wrote the letters of the 
alphabet in them. When he finished, 
the grid looked like this: 


The letter C was substituted for K, 
Stratton explained, and the code was 
read like the coordinates on a 
map—down and right. To transmit an 
M through the wall, then, a prisoner 
would tap three times, pause, then tap 
twice. 

"You figure out what you want to 
say,” Stratton explained, “then you get 
the attention of the guy on the other 
side of the wall and tap it through. lt's 
slow at first, but you get to where it's 
almost as fast as talking. Chauncey, 
here, is a first-rate communicator. 
Smooth and fast. But it is hell on the 
knuckles." 

Since Stratton. was senior in the 
camp. the wall of his cell was alive with 
the sound of messages. In addition to 
acquiring the names of their fellow 
prisoners, which they memorized like 
a mantra, the men used the tap code to 
keep everyone informed when some- 
one was taken from his cell up to the 
Big House for interrogation, which thc 
POWs called quizzes. After the session 
was conduded, the rest of the camp 
would be told what the North Viet- 
namese were after and whether or not 
the man had been tortured. 

One day a prisoner was taken from 
his cell for interrogation, and for days, 
Stafford and the others waited for him 
to return. When he vas finally led out 
of the Big House, the man was plainly 
in bad shape. While he was still lying 
on the floor of his dark cell, too weak 
even to sit or to lie on bunk, he 
heard a soft, steady tapping coming 
through the wall. Through a red blur 

(continued on page 170) 


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MAURY POVICH 


Ho everyone. This is the story of a sur 
wivor Maury Povich, in his last 
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Current Affair" on Fox, can say that he leat 
the odds and outlasted the critics who called 
his show trash and who saw in its non-net- 
work-news style little more than gossip and 
innuendo. Instead of fading away, Povich 
became the grand master of the wry editori- 
al smirk and the effective raised eyebrow. 
Contributing Editor David Rensin met 
with Povich at his New York office. Says 
Rensin, “Maury works in a private cubicle 
just off the overcrowded "Current. Affair’ 
offices—hardly palatial digs. His floor is 
littered with newspapers, his desk overrun 
with everything from books to a piece of the 
Berlin Wall. Photos of his wife, Connie 
Chung, dress the walls. Maury is a guy who 
doesn't take himself loo seriously, fears that 
he should, worries about geiting older, 
wishes people could just lighten up and 
would rather be golfing 


1. 


PLAYBOY: A Current Affair airs its share of 
other people's dirty laundry Tell us about 
your own underwear, 

povich: I wear Current Affair underwear. 
[Laughs] 1 do! You want to see it? It reads 
CURRENT arrar and has the big triangle 
logo. I'm serious. Look, vou paint pic- 
tures with words. [Laughs. drops his trou- 
sers] See? All cotton, Hundred percent 


Pareil i hats as 
Uu H пту as this inter- 
tv's most info ge eh 
taining man 2. 
smirks at david PLAYBOY: We'll 


After you helped 


U break the Rob 
letterman's Lowe: story. How 
upet wêre you 


crush on his 
wife, thumbs 
his nose at 


that he didnt talk 
with A Current Af- 
fair when he finally 
went public about 
his home-video ad- 


network NEWS олан: When he 
got back imo the 


movie business, 
promoting Bad 
Influence, V asked 
for an interview, 
His publicity peo- 
ple went bananas. 
They said, "You 
have the audacity 
You are the show 
that spread thi 


and explains 
why he's 
ending his 
current affair 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY BRAO GUICE 


malicious tape all over the country.” 
Yeah. As if we had stood behind the cam 
era in Atlanta. They were downright 
mean. They said, “We dont know 
whether to ery or laugh,” and hung up. It 
was very ungenteel. A couple of day 
er, Rob went on CNN and was quoted as 
saying, “The problem is, the country 
doesn't know the difference between Da 
Rather, who's a serious journalist, and 
ury Povich, who's an idiot." What Rob 
didn't know is that thal gave us an excuse 
to run the whole thing again, including 
his quote. [Laughs] 


3. 


pavor: What pisses off the news estab- 
lishment most about A Current Affair? Do 
you get the respect you deserve? 

vovicH: They write it off by saying that 
they dont consider it news because it's 
successful. In other words, no news show 
is successful, just reputable. [Laughs] 
They have blinders on. When they get hit 
with something different, or unique, or 
not taught in the Columbia journalist 
school, the immediate 
Ive known 
Brokaw, Shaw—all those 
years. [When 1 see them] they have a 
tendency to slap me on the back and say 
[quietly], “Gosh, it's really going well for 
you.” And I say, "That's OK. You dont 
have to whisper. It's all right." You cant 
say I sold out, because I didn't have any- 
thing to sell out to. We created this thing 
But if they want to insist |... well, then, so 
have they [sold out]. You can sec the im- 
print of A Current Affair on every news 
show in the country now. They cover sto- 
ries they never would h; 


4. 


mavnor: What's the etiquette. for th 
Maury Povich smirk, on and off the air? 
On the ай, it’s organic to Ihe 
show, but it's not scripted, since there's al- 
ways a danger of parodying myself. I've 
always been inctual sort. I can 
pull it off unless it’s spontaneous. I don't 
believe a lot of the silly stories—and 
that can be anything from UFOs to dogs 
that talk to some of the wei-Tshi 
stufl—and I use the smirk then. The 
smirk happens with serious stories, wo. 
If 1 just don’t believe it, 1 dont think the 
viewers believe it and I want them to have 
astake in this, 

OH the air, well . . . it's been a part 
of me since I've been in this business. 


guys—for 


povicn 


The juices of a journalist emanate from 
cynicism and skepticism 


5 


PLAYROY: Sounds like you might feel mis- 
cast on A Current Affair. 
rovica: No, but I am going to leave the 
show next year and do a syndicated talk 
show for Paramount. Five years is a long 
timc. It will be thirtcen hundred shows. 
Fox wanted me to stay and I will say that 
were it not for Fox and A Current Affair, 
Vm not too sure I would have my family 
name back. 1 mean, I would be known 
Mr. Chung. Fox has been great for me. 
But I also felt it was time to start fresh. 
I'm not too sure whether TIL next get 
nto the pit with Phil, Oprah and Geral- 
do, or Arsenio, Koppel and Carson. All 1 
can say is that it will not be а six- 
transvestites-on-a-stage kind of show; it 
will be more news-oriented, like A Cur 
vent Affair. On most talk shows, you may 
have a fecling for the subject; you may be 
shocked by the subject, but you don't have 
y real feeling for the people up there. 
lo me, news is still an antimate subject. 
You can talk about all the institutions you 
want to, but in the end, it's people. 


6. 


rLAYROY: What is A Current Affair's most 
memorable story and its most regrettable 
one 一 in terms of the people involved? 
rovn: The most memorable is the 
[Robert] Chambers ["Fhe Preppie Mu 
егег”) tape. Haven't topped it. It really 
made the show. It came right when we 
were first going into syndication. We had 
only about twenty stations, and within 
months, we had a hundred. Most regret- 
table? Га say the Jessica Savitch tape, 
when wi ns badly. And yet 
ili was positive. We now realize 
we're going to do re-creations, we 
have to do them as central to the story 
We had given Savitch's parents the oppor- 
tunity 10 recapture their daughter's hon 
or because of the book written about her 
that laid bare her life. In the middle of 
her parents’ explanation, we showed а 
car thats all yucky coming up out of 
canal and a shadow of a figure behind it 
"There was no reason for it, just none. It 
was tasteless. And we learned. 


ГА 


PLAYBOV: On David Letterman's last an 
niversary show, there was a short film of 
Dave hanging out with your wife, Con- 
nie, while she shopped for your shoc 
trees. And (continued on page 163) 


141 


PLAYBOY 


mM RA 


things you can live without, but who wants to? 


Hand-formed of Bakelite with adjustable arms of chrame and brass, the Juma Lamp, with its unique 
cranelike constructian that can be folded flat, is a re-creatian af a classic art deco light of the Forties. 
It is available in brown or black, from Xonex International, Mayfield Village, Ohio, about $150. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY JAMES INBROGNO. 


Crofted of natural shrunken 
cowhide with brass clo- 
sures, his  courier-style 
Caracciola attaché is also 
available in groy or black, 
from the Goldpfeil Bou- 
fique, Beverly Hills, $935. 


Now that cuff links ore hot 
again, pick stylish ones 
such as this snazzy polka- 
dot gold-vermeil pair with 
blue-and-white-enamel in- 
sets, from Rosenthal-Truitt, 
Los Angeles, about $155. 


JVC's SC-F007U Compact 
super VHS modular com- 
ponent system includes a 
Super VHS-C stereo record- 
er/player, a 3" LCD color 
monitor with speaker ond 
a video camera, $2499. 


ADAM, the All Digitol An- 
swering Machine with tele- 
phone, features instant 
оссеѕѕ to messoges without 
rewind, day/time info and 
messoge farwarding, by 
PhoneMate, about $300. 


Vantix’ U.S.G.A.-approved 
telescoping golf clubs in- 
clude metal waods, irons 
ond a putter in a ballistic 
nylan case, from Tamrac, 
Canoga Park, California, 
$1098, with a bag, etc. 


Sanyo's suede-textured re- 
chargeable electric shaver 
is fitted with a high-speed 
blade and a cobalt-coated 
nickel foil that's smoath 
and soft on the skin, 
$59.95, including о case. 


Where & How to Buy on page 172. 


The Euro-tech enameled- 
steel Aquarello Washmobil 
is ovailable in yellow, white, 


red or black, from Hostings 
Tile & Il Bogno Collection, 
Freeport, New York, about 
$1390. Scrub-a-dub-dub! 


PLAYBOY 


PRO FOOTBALL FORECAST continued from page 124) 


“Parcells has tried to build another Super Bowl champ; 
as he finds one piece of the puzzle, he loses another.” 


tackle Tony Mandarich, who never 
broke into the starting line-up after a 
prolonged contract holdout. Wide re- 
ceiver Sterling Sharpe had 90 catches 
and 12 TD.s, while linebacker Tim Har- 
ris managed 19 sacks without ever 
shutting his mouth. 

Green Bay picked up a steal in this 
year's draft when Minnesota running 
back Darrell Thompson was still avail- 
ble on the 19 pick of the first round. 
Thompson will certainly pressure un- 
derachiever Brent Fullwood. Majkowski, 
as yet unsigned and engaged in a suit 
against the N.EL's free-agency rules, 
should settle by the opening game. 

A Packers team returning to the Su- 
per Bowl would make a great story, but 
remember that the Pack had the 
league's easiest schedule and best luck 
last season. Despite Linday Infante's su- 
perior coaching, dont expect Green Bay 
on top of the N.E.C. Central just yet. 

While no one has ever questioned the 
intensity of Chicago Bears coach Mike 
Ditka, there were plenty of fans last sea- 
son who wondered about his judgment. 
Ditka ranted and raved, denounced his 
team as losers. criticized his rookies in 
public and several times took over the 
play calling from offensive coordinate 
Greg Landry in mid-game—all to no 
avail. The Bears finished 6-10 (afier a 
4-0 start) and failed to win the N.EC. 
Central for the first time in five years. 

The success of the Be: Ў 
ех was based on the dom 
defense. In 1988, they were the number- 
two defensive team in the NEL; 
п 1989, they were 25th, Injuries were a 
big factor, but none was bigger th 
season-ending knee injury to defensive 
ackle Dan Hampton in game four. Even 
Pro-Bowl middle linebacker Mike Sin- 
appeared vulnerable 
проп exited. When injury wa 
m, execution wa 

On oflense 
prove a mediocre quarterback duo of 
Mike Tomczak and Jim Harbaugh. Neal 
Anderson, the Bears’ leading rusher, 
with 1275 yards, was signed to a new 
multimillion-dollar contract, but Thom- 
as Sanders and Dennis McKinnon are 
gone. Brad Muster, the number-one 
fullback, had off-scason back surger 

Ditka, in the last year of his contract 
and probably the last year of his coach- 
ing career, would love to go out a win- 
ner. But the Bears are a shadow of their 
former selves and the Central Division is 
no longer Шей with patsies. 

Who would have guessed that the 


led to im- 


146 Tampa Bay Buccaneers would beat the 


Chicago Bears twice and still win only 
five games? For coach Ray Perkins, it 
was another year of frustration, The 


running game, led (if you can call it that) 
by Lars Tate, averaged just 94.2 yards 
per game. Quarterback Vinny Tes- 


taverde got olf to a good start but re- 
sumed his inconsistent. ways once his 
pass protection broke down. And the de- 
fense, which also showed early promise, 

ed as the Bucs dropped nine 
last 11 games. 

After three losing seasons, Perkins 
may be losing his patience. "Next year, 
he says, "there's going to be a little more 
pressure.” He helped his team immeas- 
urably by discounting predraft rumors 
about the emotional and physical condi- 
tion of linebacker Keith McCants and 
nabbing the future Hall-of-Famer with 
the fourth pick of the first round. The 
three teams who passed on MeCanıs 
may regret that decision for a long time. 

In a move to bolster the Bucs run 
attack, Perkins traded future drafi pi 
10 San Diego for running back Gary An- 
derson, who sat out last season with con- 
tract problems. The Bucs also took a 
chance in the draft on running hack 
Reggie Cobb, whose potential was cloud- 
ed by some oll-held problems at Ten- 
nessee. 

Testaverde has fewer excuses for 
ure this year. The running attack should 
improve. and so will the offensive line, 
anchored by tackle Paul Gruber, who 


has yet to miss a down in two years. The 
Bucs’ biggest problem is that Detroit 
and Green Bay, long their comrades in 
mediocrity, have also improved. 
In the vernacular of coach Buddy 
EASTERN DIVISION 
NATIONAL FOOTBALL CONFERENCE 
Philadelphia Eagles. 10-6 
New York Giants 10- 6 
Washington Redskins oz 
Dallas Cowboys .. .. 4-12 
Phoenix Cardinals. 4-12 
Ryan, “The Philadelphia Eagles kicked 


butt in the N.EC. East last year.” But afi- 
er two victories over archrival New York 
and а total of 11 wins, the highest in 
Ryan's four-year tenure, why is he so 
grumpy? Maybe it’s because his Eagl 
have yet 10 win a play-off game, surren- 
dering most recently to the Rams (21-7) 
in last ye: 
The problem with the Eagles is not a 
k of aggression. The defense made 30 
ceptions and had 26 fumble recov- 
cries, both league highs. Along the 
defensive line, Clyde Simmons, Jerome 


and four-year All-Pro Reggie 
White all reached double figures 
And second: r cornerback Eric 
Allen emerged as one of the league's top 
coverage men. 

On offense, Ryan has hired new offen- 
sive coordinator Rich. Kotite, who will 
wy to get Randall Cunningh: 
track after a sub-par season 
ham may have been suffering from writ- 
ers cramp after signing a 
$17,900,000 contract extensi 

Ryan promised Philly fans a Super 
Bowl by the end of his contract 
This is year five. 

The only team that won more regula 
season games last season than the New 
York Giants (12) was the 49ers (14), a feat 
made more remarkable by the fact that 
three front-line players—running back 
Joe Morris, tight end Mark Bavaro and 
defensive end Eric Dorsey—missed all 
or most of the season. The problem for 
the Giants the past two years has been 
that they can't seem to beat the Eagles 
(four straight losses) or win a play-off 
game. 

Since 1986, coach Bill Parcells has 
been busy trying to build another Super 
Bowl champ, but as he finds one piece of 
the puzzle, he loses another, 
lost ten players in Plan B this year, in- 
cluding five The offensive line is 
young and huge (the starting five weigh 
a combined 1415 pounds), but quarter- 
back Phil Simms may have his best sea- 
sons behind him and running back Ottis 
Anderson is 33. Georgia running back 
Rodney Hampton, the Giants’ number- 
one draft pick, will probably win a start- 
ing job by the beginning of the season 

On defense, the linebacking remains 
the strong suit. Lawrence Taylor is the 
best outside linebacker ever and Carl 
Banks, Gary Reasons and Pepper John- 
son are outstanding. However, there's 
little depth eith 
the backfield, where 
starter Terry Kinard, a P 
be missed. 

The Washington Redskins stumbled out 
of the blocks last scason, dropping their 
first two games to the Giants and the Ea- 
gles on fieaky last-minute plays. and 
struggled uphill from there. Conside 
he midseason injuries to cornerback 
rell Green (broken wrist) and off 
sive linemen Joe Jacoby and Mark May 
(knees), plus the distraction of Dexter 
Manley's ban from football for a third 
instance of substance abuse, coach Joc 
Gibbs did a fine job in coaxing ten wins 
out of the Redskins. 

Going into this season, Gibbs is com- 
ted to starting quarterback Mar 
Rypien, who finished strong last year: 
Rypien's season start had been inglori- 
ous as he seta Guinness Book record by 
fumbling the first ten times he was 
ked. “The Posse"—Art Monk, Gary 


on the defensive line 


or ii seven-year 


п B loss, will 


ing 


© 1990 Wamer Lambert Co 


HITTING 
"THREE POINTS. 


人 


He does it with ће Schick Slim Twi 
Disposable razor. Slim Twin has a slim head 
to shave hard-to-reach places. 

In fact, it works so well, men like Jim 
Paxson prefer it over Gillette Good News 


regular. 

Slim Twin even has m 
a one push cleaning bar to 
remove soap ard stubble. 

So get with the 
program. And get to the 
tough spots with Schick's 
Slim Twin Disposable. 

It reaches every 
place on every face. 


PLAYBOY 


Sanders—each collect- 
ed more 1000 vards receiving 
Running backs Ernest Byner, Gerald 
Riggs and James Wilder are all good but 


in the twilight of their careers 


Clark and Ricky 
than 


Dallas Cowboys coach Jimmy Johnson 
has the guuer (a 1-15 


record last season) 


security. of the 
nd a ten-ye: 


At times 


tract that has nine years to ru 


last year, it looked as if he might need 
the better part of the decade to straight- 
en out the Cowboys’ problems. 

The offense was terrible, Dallas was 


times, while under Te 


shut out three 


Landry, it was shut out only twice in 29 
years, Rookie quarterback Troy Aikman 
has yet to lead his team to a win; the 
Cowboys only victory was against the 
Redskins when Steve Walsh started. 

Once Johnson and owner Jerry Jones 
realized how bad their team really was, 
they cashed in their chips and traded 
running back Herschel Walker to the 
Vikings for a bunch of players and draft 
choices. The deal didn’t work for either 
team, though both have hopes for the 
future. 

The Cowboys defense 
bad as the offense. The pass rush was 
nonexistent and defenders 
managed only seven interceptions. all 
season 

Ordinarily, a 1-15 record. entitles a 
team to the Inst pick in the draft, Untor- 
tunately for the Cowboys, they had al- 


was almost as 


Cowboys 


ready used that number-one choice to 


take quarterback Steve Walsh in the sup- 
Aikman is not happy 
about having Walsh watching him from 


plemental draft 


the side lines and Walsh is not happy 
playing behind Aikman. Th 
tried to trade Walsh but so far has been 


team has 


unable to make a de: 

New Phaenix Cordinols coach Joe Bugel 
believes that “organizations win Super 
Bowls." Don't look now, Joc, but the onc 


you're working for is more than a little 


suspect. Bugcl, formerly offensive coach 
for the Redskins, was hired to replace 
Gene Stallings after Stallings announced 
in midseason that he would not seck a 
Ironically, Stallings 
was doing a stellar coaching job and had 
the injury-riddled Cards 5-5 at the time, 
but the team took a nose dive and failed 
to win another game 

The fans in Phoenix weren't en- 
thralled with the situation, either. Sea 
son-ticket sales declined by 18,000 and 
the Cardinals failed to sell out even one 
game. Meanwhile, owner Billy Bidwill 
has steadfastly supported player person- 
nel director George Boone, whose draft- 
day decisions have often been suspect 

With Neil Lomax retired because of 
an arthritic hip, Bugel is at least clear 
on whom he wants to start at quar- 
terback— Timm Rosenbach, the Wash- 
ington State Q.B. selected in the 
supplemental dratt 


contract extension 


Both rushing and stopping the rush 
were big problems for the Cardinals last 
Running back Stump Mitchell 
went out with a knee injury alter game 
four: Be 
ablı 
runnir 
still ava 
round of the draft 

The МЕС 
toss-up among the Ка; 
and the Redskins. The Eagles have the 
easiest schedule, the Giants the most tal- 
ent. Sorry. Redskin 


year 


ise a full recovery is question 


. Bugel was delighted that Indiana 
g back Anthony Thompson was 


able to the Cards in the second 


East championship is a 


es, the Giants 


WESTERN DIVISION 
AMERICAN FOOTBALL CONFERENCE 


Kansas City Chiets 11- 5 
San Diego Chargers 10- 6 
Oenver Broncos 9-7 
Los Angeles Raiders 7-9 
Seattle Seahawks 511 


Ask most football experts to pick a 
team on the rise and they'll name the 
Kansos City Chiefs. In fact, over the final 
eight weeks of last season, the Chiefs at 
5 best team in the A.F.C 


5-2-1 were the 
Marty 


Give the credit to 
Schouenheimer 
Schottenheimer brought an apprecia- 
tion of hard-nosed defense when he 
came over from the Cleveland Browns. 
as well as an ability to spot the obvi- 
ous—which was that Christian Okoye. 


new coach 


= 260-pound № 
yards as fast as Jerry Rice can (1.48 sec 


xerian who can run 40 


onds), ought to be the center of his of 
Result: Okoye was the N.EL.'s 
14180 yards. The 
ck a good backup for him, but 


fense 


leading rusher, with 
Chiels 
so far, no one has been able to make the 


med Chris- 


good- 
0 
that he oper 
ter and | 


atured and aptly r 
n mad. much less hurt him. The fact 


tes behind one of the bet- 


г offensive lines (three 


players over 300 pounds) doesnt 
hurt, either 
And the defense, first in the A.F.C. 


and second overall, will likely get even 
beter. Neil Smith, at defensive end, is 
on the verge of The lineback- 
of the best in foot- 


запек, 


ing corps, already оп 
ball, with N.EL. Defensive Rookie of the 
Year Derrick. Thomas, will be bolstered 
by the addition of Percy Snow, the 
Chiefs first pick in the draft. The defen- 
sive backfield—with Albert Lewis, Kevin 
Ross and perennial All-Pro Deron Cher- 
ry—is nearly as good as the linebackers 
The missing letter in the phrase A.F.C 
Championship for the Chiefs is Q, as in 
quarterback. Steve DeBerg started last 
season, did poorly and was benched 
Steve Pelluer, the former Cowboy, re 
placed him and was injured. DeBerg re- 
turned to finish out the season well, and 
young Mike Elkins awaits his chance 
But can the Chiefs ride any of these guys 
to the championship? 


Forget everything you ever thought 
you knew about Sen Diega Chargers foot- 
ball. The Dan FoutsAir" Coryell all-of 
fense, no-delense days are history. The 
Chargers finished sixth overall in the 
N.EL 


in defense last season. 

Owner Alex Spanos has hired Bobby 
Beathard, formerly of the Washington 
Redskins and one of the best tal 

ators in football, as g 
chall 


some offense to go with the defense. The 


nt eval 


neral manager 


Beathard's find 


age will be to 


Chargers are committed at quarterback 
to young Billy Joc Tolliver, who coach 
Dan Henning predicts is “the quarter- 
back of the future here.” Ex-Bear Jim 
McMahon was released in the off season 

Deathard most experts 
when he plaved it straight in the draft 
and took USC linebacker Junior Seau 
with the filth pick of the first round in- 
stead of trading down. “We couldn't pass 
him up,” said Beathard of the 1989 
Pac 10 Defensive Player of the Year 
Seau, with 18 sacks last season, should fit 
in well with a defensive unit that led the 
А.ЕС. with 48 sacks. Linebacker Leslie 
O'Neal (12.5 sacks) and defensive ends 
Lee Williams (56.5 sacks in five seasons) 
and Burt Grossman (ten sacks as a rook- 
ie) are the stuff about which opposing 
quarterbacks have nightmares. 

Belore last 


surprised 


scason's Denver Broncos; 
Cleveland Browns A.EC. championship 
game, Jay Mariotti, a Denver newspaper 


columnist, suggested that “a Sunday loss 
better 
nother Super Bowl, 


may be best for the community; 
than "returning to 


with the world watching, and getting 
pounded again." 

Alter the 
poundin 
quipped, 
the coin flip.” 

d poor John Elway 
“When are we goi 


Bowl 
Cross 


Broncos Super 


Randy 


exer 


The only thing they won was 


was left mum. 


to win one of 


these things?” 

Were the Broncos really that bad or 
were the 19ers that good? You could lay 
it all on the 49ers if it weren't for history 
Super Bowl XII, Cowboys 2 Bron 
cos 10; Super Bowl XXI, Giants. 39. 
Broncos 20; Super Bowl XXII, Redskins 
Broncos 10. But coach Dan Reeves 
doesn't believe in history; he bel 
only in the future, The problem is that 
the 1990 Broncos look an awful lot like 
the 1959 version. Thars not bad, since 
Denver did get to the Super Bowl. but in 
this league, if youre not geting bet- 
ter, you're getting worse 


ves 


Elway was not one of the top-ten-rat- 
ed passers in pro football last season. In 
fact, he was no better than ninth in the 
AEC. Reevess rehire of. quarterback 
coach. Mike Shanahan seemed to settle 
Elway down toward the end of the s 
son, though Shanahan couldnt help 
him in the Super Bowl fiasco. 

Belore last season, Reeves made two 


S, NY 10804 © 1990 


150 


PLAYBOY'S 1990 ALL-PRO 
UNDERHYPED TEAM 


great players who haven't gotten much press 


OFFENSE 


Mark Rypien, Washington. 
Marion Butts, San Dieg 
Dalton Hilliard, New Orleans... 
Mark Carrier, Tampa Bay 
Anthony Miller, San Diego... 
Ferrell Edmunds, Miami .. 
John Alt, Kansas City............. 
Paul Gruber, Tampa Bay. 
Randall McDaniel, Minnesota. 


«Quarterback 
‚Running Back 


‚Wide Receiver 
‚Wide Receiver 
Tight End 


Steve Wisniewski, Los Angeles Raiders 


Courtney Hall, San Diego... 


Jon Hand, Indianapolis ... 

Lee Williams, San Diego... 
Jerry Ball, Detroit 

Vaughan Johnson, New Orleans... 
Michael Walter, San Francisco... 
Billy Ray Smith, San Diego... 
Chris Martin, Kansas City. 
Maurice Hurst, New England 
Eric Allen, Philadelphia 

Bubba McDowell, Houston... 
Bennie Blades, Detroit... 


„Inside Linebacker 
„Inside Linebacker 


SPECIALTIES 


Jason Staurovsky, New England 
Rich Camarillo, Phoenix. 
James Dixon, Dallas 

Clarence Verdin, Indianapolis. 
Harry Sydney, San Francisco 


brilliant moves that undoubtedly saved 
the Broncos from a predicted finish of 
third place or worse in the A.EC. West 
He hired Wade Phillips as defensive co- 
ordinator and took Alabama running 
back Bobby Humphrey in the supple- 
mental draft. Humphrey responded by 
gaining 1151 yards and Phillips rushin 
defense topped the conference by allow- 
ing 60 fewer yards per game (with an av- 
erage of 98.7) than it did in 198i 
Phillips’ defensive plan favored aggre: 
siveness over complexity and allowed 
linebacker Karl Mecklenburg to re 
tablish himself as a Pro Bowler, 

Denver's success last season had as 
much to do with the over-all weakness of 
the A.EC. as it did with the Broncos 
strength. Until they can establish a con- 
sistent passing game and not simply rely 
on the big play, the Broncos will have to 
count on Reeves's coaching to get them 
k to another Super Bowl. Or maybe 
they'd prefer to stay home. 

Wanted: A home lor Al Davis and the 


«Punt Returner 
...Special Teams 


Los Angeles Raiders. Only cities with 
warm climates, a new or renovated s 
dium with lots of luxury boxes and sev 
eral hundred million dollars need apply. 
The Raiders, once the darlings of Oak- 
land, then the neglected stepchild of La 
La Land, haven't been able to go home 
again, in large part, because Davis and 
some Oakland politicians underestimar- 
ed the anger of the city’s nonfoorball 
fans when asked to put their tax doll 
in Silver and Black stock. So, for now. 
the Raiders remain at the Coliseum, a 
lium they filled only to slightly more 
half capacity last season. 
While the Raiders haven't be 
figure out where to park the te: 
decided who is going to drive 
Shell. once a player now head 


s 


ble to 
m bus. 


start prompted. Davis to fire 
Mike Shanahan. the first time he had ev- 
er dismissed a head coach. Shell empha 
sized toughness and allowed his players 
to sit on their helmets, a practice banned. 


by Shanahan. The Raiders responded 
by winning seven of their last 12 games 
and nearly making the play-offs 

Shell has made it dear that this sea- 
son, he favors quarterback Steve Beuer- 
lein over Jay Schroeder. Marcus Allen 
and Greg Bell, acquired in a trade with 
the Rams just as we went to press, have 
the unenviable job of handling the rush- 
ing responsibilities until Bo Jackson 
shows up. though one has to wonder 
how much longer Bo will play both foot- 


bout who 
is going plen- 
ty of talented. receivers to throw to if a 
rebuilt offensive line can give Beuerlein 
the time. Tim Brown is expected to re- 
turn to 100 percent after knee surgery 
last season. Mervyn Fernandez picked 
up morc than 1000 yards in his absence 
and Willie Gault, the fo chocolate 
switl, is hoping to be more than a deep- 
threat decoy. 

On defense, the Raiders need an in- 
jury-tree season from defensive end 
Howie Long. Greg Townsend, who 
had 10.5 sacks from the outside- 
linebacker slot last year, moves to the 
other defensive-end position 

Ihe Raiders have talent in the defen- 
sive backheld with Terry McDaniel and 
Eddie Anderson. They hope that sec- 
ond-round draft pick Aaron Wallace will 
bolster a mediocre linebacking corps. 

Despite some improvements, Shell 
will hind that this Raiders team has more 
tradition than talent, especially in the 
rapidly improving Western Division 

Last year, the Seattle Seohowks finished 
26th out of 28 in total offense and 23rd 
against the rush on. defense, and still 
won seven games, They'll struggle to do 
ll this season. Hall-of-Famer Steve 
Largent has retired. Curt Warner went 
south to the Rams under Plan B, leaving 
ven second-year back Der- 
т and Elroy Harris as re- 
placements. Another likely casualty is 
deodorant spokesman Brian Bosworth, 
lost to a shoulder injury. 

Quarterback Dave Krieg played in hi 
third Pro Bowl, proving that a willing- 
ness to show up counts more than qu 


questions 
carry the ball, the 


terback fumbles when winning that 
post-season honor. Krieg had I8 fum- 
bles and threw 20 intei ons. Coach 


Chuck Knox hopes that Krieg will be 
able to get the ball to wide receiver Bri- 
an Blades more often this year. The rest 
of the Seattle offense will likely consist of 
diflerent methods of putting the ball in 
the hands of John L. Williams, one of 
the most versatile backs in the lea 
. 

Last season, Cincinnati Bengals coach 
Sam Wyche was fined $3000 by the 
N.EL. for shutting the media out of the 


locker room alter a loss to Seattle. On 
nother occasion. he gr side-line 
microphone and reminded rowdy 


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PLAYBOY 


152 


that they weren 

later, he lambasted Jer 
Glanville and his Houston Oilers. L 
fortunately, Wyche's football team was a 
tad more demure. 


CENTRAL DIVISION 


AMERICAN FOOTBALL CONFERENCE 


Cincinnati Bengals 11-5 
Cleveland Browns 10- 6 
Houston Oilers ir 
Pittsburgh Steelers 7-9 


The 1988 AFC. champs failed to 
make the play-offs, finishing 8-8. They 
were the soul of inconsistency, destroy- 
ing opponents one week and surrender- 
ing meekly the next. Injuries hurt, bur 
the root of the problem was that the 
Bengals just didn't play hung 

One of the most talented teams on pa- 
per over the past several years, the Be 
gals have some problems to solve 
beyond their appetite, though Мусе is 
confident that they can again reach the 
Super Bowl. He's depending on qu 
terback Boomer E m to have another 
season like 1988. Wyche says, 
task this year is to be an exceptional 
leader; to bring his team to a Super 
Bowl championship and not just 
tical lead in offensive categories. 
hind Esiason will be running back | 
Brooks, who gained 1239 yards last sca- 


Boomer's 


son and led the Bengals to the league 
team rushing title, Tim McGee and Ed- 
die Brown aic exce t wide receivers, 


but the id ther 
c est problem is stop- 
ping the rush. The Bengals allowed op- 
ponents an average of 4.7 
arry. Tim Krumrie has to т 
himself in the middle, A replacement for 
linebacker Reggie Williams 
alter 15 ye 


"s little depth beh 
nati's bi 


who reti 


Francis from Baylor or Bernard Clark 
from Miami 


Considering that quarterback Bernie 
Kosar couldn't throw. farther. than. 20 
yards all season long and that Kevin 


Mack, the work horse of the Cleveland 
Browns running attack. missed 12 
because of some messy business 
ing cocaine, you have to give credit 10 
first-year couch Bud Carson for steering 
Cleveland to its fourth AEC. Central 
championship in five years. But the 
Browns were helped by parity in the di- 
vision, in which the highest number ol 
wins was nine and the lowest eight 
Kosar's elbow is healed, Mack is back 
on the right side of the law and Carson 
has hired Jim һо ost recently 
with the Phoenix Cardinals, as oflensive 
coordinator. The philosophy on ollense 
will be ball control, with a shorter, more 
concise passing attack and lots of oppor 
tunities for Mack and litle Eric Metcalf, 
who was energy personified before he 
wore down toward the end of last se: 
п. The Browns took Michigan run 
ring back Leroy Hoard as their first pick 
the draft to back up Mack. 
On defense, Michael Dean Perry is the 
player Mike Ditka dreamed that brother 
uld be. He's explosively quick 
oll the xd very strong, Th 
remain a question, particularly bec 
the Browns have been u 
Frank Mi Id. Hanford Dixa 
lost in Plan B, but the Browns acquired 
Raymond Chal wither aging but 
dented player, to fill his spot 
Over the past few seasons, the Houston 
Oilers have developed a reputa 
talented team that always finds а way to 
lose. Cincinnati coach Wyche called the 
c 
league” alter his Bengals bla 
61-7. As impolite as the 


Fridge w 


ion a 


ilers “the most stupid. team 


"If cars had balls, this one would be very well hung." 


it was true, The Oilers were the most pe- 
nalized team in football (2056 yards) and 
gave up the most points in the А.Е 
(12). a lor of them on big pass plays 
Those are the kinds of mistakes that get 
coaches fired. and, sure enough, Jerry 
Glanville was soon packing black shirts 
nd pants and heading for Atlanta 

The Oilers found Glanville's succes- 
sor—University of Houston coach Jack 
rdee—right down the street. Not only 
did Pardee have the right address. he 
was also а practitioner of the run-and- 
shoot—the ideal offense for the Oile 
d quarterback Warren Moon 
With a plethora of talented running 
backs, it seems almost certain that the 
Oilers will deal one off before the season 
begins. Pardee dearly favors. playin 
Alonzo Highsmith: “Out of the one-back 
spot,” he pro lonzo can do it 


ises, " 


alb" The wide receivers—Drew Hill. 

Ernest Gisins and Curtis Duncan per 

fectly fit the wide-open offense. 
However, what Houston's offense 


docs, Houston's defense can undo. De- 
lensive stalwart Ray Childress is trying 
to come back from a fractured leg; nose 
tackle Doug Smith is recovering from an 
offseason gunshot wound to d 
‘The Houston linebacking corps is undis- 
tinguished. 

While Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck 
Noll has often been described as stoic, a 
beter term might be unflinching. Noll is 
the man who fashioned the Steclers dy- 
nasty that won four Super Bowls, who 
watched his great players retire to the 
Hall of Fame and stayed on to risk bei 


called а has-been, whose lowly team 
finished 5—11 in 1988 and started 
off 1989 by losing its first two games by a 


total of 92-10. And, evidently, he's still a 
good coach—because Piusburgh roared 
back to win five of its last six games and 
make the play-ofls for the first time in 
five years 

Bur how did Noll work his magic? 
Piusburgh had more than its share of im 
juries and holdouts. Rookie runnin 
back Tim Worley, the Steelers’ top «гай 
pick, didnt produce until the final five 
games. The passing offense—no ollense 
to quarterback Bubby 
the worst in the league. And the de- 


Brister—was 


fense, 19th gue, dirt have 
good stats, However, the Steelers 
did win the takeaway/giveaway tug of 
war by IT. And Rod Woodson, who 
gained almost 1000 yards returning 
kicks, often put the offense in good field 
position 


Other than a lot of optimism, there's 
not much to recommend the Steelers 


this year Defensive coordinator Rod 
Rust left to take rhe head-coaching job 
New E 1. In desperate need of a 


defensive lineman, the Steelers used 
their first pick to drali Eric Gree 
tight end, a position already adequ 
filled by Mike Mularkey And Joe Wal 
a, who found little success and no 


id 


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PLAYBOY 


154 


happiness with the Jets, has been hired 
as the new offensive coordinator. But be- 
fore you count Piusburgh out, remem- 
ber that the man who doesn't flinch is 
still atthe helm. 

The AEG. Central will be a dogfight 
mong the Bengals, the Browns and the 
Oilers, Two wild-card teams could come 
out ofthe pack. 


EASTERN DIVISION 
AMERICAN FOOTBALL CONFERENCE 


Buffalo Bills. 

Miami Dolphins 

New York Jets... 
Indianapolis Colis 
New England Patriots 


Last year. the Buffalo Bills were sup- 
posed to be the best team in the AEC... 
and they did win the divisional title, but 
only because no other team in the East 
played better than ,500. The Bills almost 
beat Cleveland in the play-offs, but then, 
the Browns weren't so hot, eith 

One of Buffalo's problems was that 

the players expended more emotion 
criticizing one another's play than they 
did against the opposition. Quarterback 
1 Kelly had verbal skirmishes with 
most of his teammates, two assist 
coaches punched cach orher out and the 
general manager invited media c 
ve town. 
Kelly and his teammates issued apolo- 
gies and the Bills signed him to a 
$20.000 000. contract 
as that last year's turmoil was greatly 
exaggerated and that with a happy Kelly 
and a few troublemakers gone, the Su 
per Bowl is still attainable. However 
Plan B cost the Bills running back Ror 
nie Harmon, punter John. Kidd. nose 
tackle Fred Smerlas and wide receive 
Flip Johnson. Cor 
roughs career with a 
neck injury and salery Mark Kelso end- 
ed the season wearing a special helmet 
because of a series of concussions. 

On the positive side, Kelly can some 
times dominate a game and Thurman 
Thomas gained more yards from scrim- 
mage than any other back in the league. 
Bruce Smith is one of the best defen: 
ends in football and the Bills linebac 
corps—with Cornelius Bennett. Shane 
Conlan, Ray Bentley and underrated 
Darryl Talley—is formidable 

Ihe best thing the Miomi Dolphins have 
going lor them is that three of their ri- 
vals in the A.F st—the Colis, the Pa- 
trios and the Jets—are in a state of 
disarray or rebuilding from the bottom 
up. Irs all the more frustrating for coach 
Don Shula. who, after 27 scasons and 
285 victories (second only to Geor 
Halas), can’t seem to make the Dolphins 
(8-8 last year) better than the league. 

Events in the off season havent 
helped. Alter owner Joe Robbie's death 
fast January, Shula and his star quarter- 
back Dan Marino traded a volley of 


ics to 


The team main- 


s 


sulks and Marino talked wade. ОГ 
course, Shula knows better than 10 give 
up the best thing the Dolphins have go- 
ing, even if he is a liile free with his 
opinions. 

Perhaps as a gesture toward Marino's 
good health, Shula and the Dolphins 
drafied two enormous offensive line- 
men, Richmond Webb from Texas ARM 
and Keith Sims from Iowa. The rest ol 
the line, which was already better at pass 
protection than run blocking, should 
give Marino plenty of time to hit favorite 
receivers. Mark Clayton, Ferrell. Ed- 
munds and the Dolphins" most versai 
player, Jim Jensen. 

As everyone knows, Miami's problem 
for the past few years has been defense. 
And while Shula and defensive coordi- 
nator Tom Olivadotti have made some 
improvements, the Dolphins are still a 
long way from having the kind of intim- 
idating defense that it takes to win a Su- 
per Bowl. 

Somebody should have ollered New 
York Jets coach Joe Walton a blindfold to 
spare him watching his team meekly 
surrender to Buffalo 37-0 in last sea- 
son's finale. Lets hope that for Jets far 
it was the end of an era of frustration 
and mediocrity. 

In December, owner Leon He: 
ex-Patriot Dick Steinberg 
manager and told him to sta 


hired 
general 
t a football 


team, Steinberg, mercifully, fired Wa 
ton and his stall and then unsucc 
"d to 


Michigan St 
s. He finally landed Cincin- 
nati offensive coordinator Bruce Coslet 
and set about putting the microscope, as 
he called it, to the Jets’ talent. He di 
cared, enough guys her 
in the prime of their careers to build so- 
lidity." and in another piece of undei 
stateme he Jets are not one of the 
strongest teams.” At 4-12 last season, the 
Jets weren't about to argue. 

Steinberg then had a highly successful 
draft, landing Penn State running back 
B Ihomas with the second over-all 
pick, taking West Virginia wide receive 
Reggie Rembert next and picking up a 
steal at the 84th pick in California quar- 
terback Troy Taylor. 

Thomas will start immediately in 
place of Freeman McNeil. Receivers Al 
Toon and Mickey Shuler will return aft- 
er missing much of last season because 
of injuries. The defense will struggle but 
should finish better than last year's pla 
toon, And if the media and fans can wait 
a New York minute, Steinberg and 
Coslet may put together a competitive 
team in a year or two. 

You can't say that Indicnopclis Colts 
owner Robert Irsay ist a gambling 
man. He's the guy who traded Corneliu 
Bennett, now a Pro Bowl fixture at 
inebacker in the three-way deal with 
the Bills and the Rams that made Eric 
Dickerson the unlikeliest of Hoosiers. 
For this year's top draft pick, he traded 


tri hire 


another Pro Bowler, offensive tackle 
Chris Hinton, wide receiver Andre 
Rison and the Colts number-one pick 
next year to get ini quarterback Jell 
George. Then he signed George to 
а $15,000,000 contract, the highest 
amount ever paid to a rookie. In other 
words, Irsay bet the farm 

How's this going to turn out? Hinton 
has only about five great seasons left: 
Rison has an entire career: next year's 
number-one pick. who knows? Dicker 
son? He wants to be traded or retire 
George? Well, ask the Michigan Wolve 
ines. They played him and their best so- 
lution was to hit him early il they could. 
and if they couldn't, hit him late, be- 
¢ he hates being tackled 

The Colis will likely straighten things 
out with Dickerson, since no one else 
seems to want him in a trade. Dicke 
will shoulder the offensive burden be- 
cause George won't be ready as a pro 
Elway wasn't ready when he was 
. and neither was virtually 
highly touted rookie Q.B. in 
memory, with the exception of 
Dan Marino. 

I's astonishing to think that the New 
Englond Patriots and the Chicago B 
who combined for a measly 11 wins be- 
st season, played for the 
Super Bowl only four years ago. The Pa- 
triots never seemed to recover from that 
And coach Raymond 
Berry, once New England's darling, paid 
the price and has been replaced by Rod 
Rust, who at GL is the oldest head coa 
in the league. 

New England has plenty of excuses 
for last s hacker An- 


son 


passer 
first 


есет 


tween them 


crushing defeat 


ason's failures. Li 


and cornerback Ronnie Lippen were all 
aut with injuries before the season be- 
gan. Wide receiver Stanley Morg 
missed seven games with a broken le: 
Irving Fryar missed five. Ru 
. who had be 
88, inexplicably gained more than 
100 yards only twice. 

New England's biggest problem was 
finding someone to play quarterback 
Berry tried four players who all had los- 
ing records: Tony Eason (1-2), Doug 
Flutie (1-2), Steve G 4) and 
Mare Wilson (153). Eason and Flutie are 
gone and most New England fans wish 
Grogan and Wilson were as well. The 
team, by its own admission, needed to 
draft a franchise quarterback but man- 
aged only to select LSU's Tommy Hod- 
son on the third round. There | 
been franchise quarterbacks such as | 
Montana dratied on the third round. Is 
unlikely thar the Patriots will be so lucky 
with Hodson. 

Rust has а formidable task ahead of 
him and may find himself eligible for So- 
cial Security before New England is a 


winner. 


John Steph: 


RABBIT AT REST continue from page 78) 


“Rabbit liked Reagan. He liked the foggy voice, Ihe 
lopsided smile, the way he floated above the facts.” 


need the pr 
strokes it, and w 


; Will he e 
ive and fadi 


own son ind to be in the same 
room with him 

He was going for those Reagan 
Democrats," Joe continues explaining 
"Except there arent any Reagan 
Democrats, there're just simple red- 


necks. Now that I'm down South here, I 
understand better what it's all about. 
blacks. One hundred. d 
incoln, the Repub 


sive depresion en 
Ollie North doesn't do it 
head didn't do it. 
КОО КОКО Шш сд, 
to death of the blacks. That's the one gut. 
i "ve got.” 


go, Rabbit has had mixed feclings 
about blacks, and whenever the subject 
comes up, he tends to hold his ton 
lest he betray himself one way or anoth- 
Bernie, what do you think?” H 
asks while they're watching the two oth- 
ers hit from the second tee, a 13 d 
т three over that same scummy pond. 
He finds Bernie the wisest of the three, 
the most phlegmatic and slowest to 
speak. He never came back totally from 
some open-hi 
years ago. He moves 
emphyser 
and the slack 1 

lost weight because his de 
to. His color isn't good, his lower lip in 
profile looks loo: oist 

“L think,” he says, 

talk intelligently ta ple 
and we aren't ready for it. Bush talked 
to us like we were a bunch of morons 
and we ate it up. ne, the 
Pledge of Allegiance 


t surgery he had а few 
umbersomely, has 


kis tried to 


this day and 
they made 
him into a beer commerci 
the mount 


to the moment. 
lo my mind there 
一 he be- 


ther 


lieved wh E 

don't know which is more te 

He's what we call a pisher.” 
"Dukakis always looked like he was 


ilying. 


sore about someth 
This is as close as he can lı 
admit that, alone in this foi 
voted for Bush. 

ie maybe guesses it. He says, "АЙ- 
er eight y Г n. I would have 
thought more people would have be 
sore than were. IF you could 
poor to vote 
socialism. But people w 
‘That's the genius of the 
Eith: 
you think you ought to be.” 

Rabbit liked R. n ңе ked the fog- 
he smiled, the 
‘head kept wagging during the 
long pauses, the way he floated above 
the facts, Knowing there was more to 
government than facts, and the way he 
could change direction while saying he 
was going straight ahead, pulling out of 
Beirut, getting cozy with Gorby, running 
onal debt. The strange thing 
was, except for the hopeless down-and 

the world became a better place 

part, 
there 
The guy 
Under 


Rabbit. offers. 
ing himself to 
some, he 


ist system: 


int to be, or 


The Communists fell 


m on the defe: 
had a touch. Harry dares sa 
Reagan, it was 


пез 


an operation? A real ор 


ot really. Tonsils when I was a kid. 
Appendix when 1 was in the Army. They 
Took it out in case 1 was sent to Korea. 
Then I was never sent.” 

^| had a triple bypass three years 
ago." 


1 know, Bern. D remember 
telling me, But you look great now 

“When you come out of 
hurts like hell. You ¢ 
live with such p 


your 


en opi 
they pull the be 
of your thigh 
it, your groi 


ing they car 
you come out of 
s killing you as well as yı 


е Bernie is talking to him on 
Ed, with that pompous fussy 
setup he has—laying his hands on the 
club f by finger like he's doing 

vent, and then looking 
toward the hole five or six times before 
swinging like he's trying to shake loose 
cobwebs or a tick in his collar—looks up 
during the swing so the topped ball sc 
ters into the water, skipping threc times 
before sinking, leaving three interlock- 
ing sets of rings on the water. Alligator 
food. 


hours I was on the table,” Bernie 
is urging into his car. "I woke up and I 
couldn't move. I couldn't even open my 
cyclids. They freeze you, so your bloud 
flow is down to almost nothing. 1 was, 


“I told you we were an equal-opportunity employe 


I didn't say we were fucking crazy!" 


155 


PLAYBOY 


156 


like, locked into a black coffin. No. Its 
like I was the coffin. And then into this 
ness comes this creepy voice, with a 
thick accent, the Pakistani anesthetist.” 

Joe Gold, with his partner's ball in the 
water, tries to hit too quickly, to get a ball 
in play, jerking the club back in two 
stages like he does and then roundhous- 
ing with that flat swing stocky guys tend 
to have 
catches the ро bunker on the 


He pushes the shot off so he 
ght. 


20; honest to God, i think m 
е of God, ‘oper-ation a s 

Harry has heard the story before but 
laughs anyway. It's a good, scary story 
about the edge of death 

Be Ber-nie,'” Bernie repeats, 
“ike it came out of the clouds to Abra- 
ham, to go cut Isaacs throat.” 

Harry asks, "Shall we keep the same 
order?” He feels he disgraced himselfon 
the previous hole, 

You go first, Angstrom. 1 think 
shakes you up to hit last. Go for it. Show 
these nudniks how it's done.” 

This is what Rabbit hoped to hear, He 
takes a seven iron and tries to think of 
five things: keeping his head down, 
keeping his backswing from being too 
long, moving his hip while the ‘club 
s still at the top, keeping his down- 
swing smooth and keeping the club face 
square on the ball, at that point on 
the sphere where a clockface says 3:15. 
From the whistly instant the ball 
vanishes from the center of his held- 
down vision, he knows the hit is sweet 
they all together watch the dark dot rise, 


voi 


hover that little ghostly extra bit that 
gives the distance and then drop 
straight down onto the green, a little to 


ıhe left but what looks pin high, the ball 
bouncing right with the slant of the 
bowt-shaped green 
"Beauty," Ed has to admit. 
“How about a mulliga 
ug 


Joe asks. 


thec 
Seven 
Gonna hit "em like that, my friend, 
you should use an eight." 

Think I'm past the hole? 

“Way past. Youre on the back edg 
© partner. The old soldier in Har- 
ту. the masochistic Christian, respects 
men like this. It’s uncritical love, like 
women provide, that makes you soft and 


does you in. 
“For 


me, I think a choked-up six,” 


says 

trying to take something off the 

kes off too much and leaves it 

the water but on the bank 
stance. 


“Tough 
chip trom there,” unable to 
le needle. He still blames 
Bernie for parking the cart so close on 
that attempted deliberate hook. 
Bernie accepts the needle. “Espec 


пу 


after that last shitty chip of mine, huh?” 
he says, pushing his cut-up, deflated, 
humpbacked old body into the cart, 
ing slid over into the driver 
The guy who's on ıhe green has 
ede ht) drive Harry eel 
e going lo 
He glides over the 
ched wooden bridge with 
ads laid over the planks. 
ic tells him 
down. 


water on an 


red-rubber 
“From where you are 
as they get out, “the gr 
Hit your putt too hard, you'll slide miles 
beyond.” 

Ed, with a ball in the water, is out of it. 
Bernie's stance on the steep bank is so 
awkward he whiffs the ball once, shanks 
it sideways on his next swing and picks 
up. But sandy Joc Gold, in his clement, 
waggles his feet to plant himself and 
manages a good blast shot out of the pot 
bunker. With Bernie's advice preying on 
his mind, interfering with his own in- 
stincts, Harry strokes his long approach 
putt. tentatively and leaves it four feet 
short. He marks it with a dime while 
two-putts for his bogey. Joe takes his 
time and gives Harry too long to study 
his four-footer. He sees a break, then 
doesn't see it. In trying to avoid lipping 
out on the left like he did on the 
hole, he loses his par putt, very makable, 
an inch to the right. "Son of a son of a 
bilch,” he says, frustration pressing from 
behind his eyes so hard he thinks he 
might burst into tears. "On in one, anda 
crappy three putt.” 

It happens," Ed says, writing down 
the four with his trained. accountants 
primness. "Tie hole. 

"Sorry, Bern,” Harry says, climbing 
back into the cart, on the passenger si 

1 screwed you up,” his partner say 
“Should have kept my yap shut about 
the green being downhill.” He unwraps 
another cigar and, pushing the pedal, 
leans back into a long da: 

Not Harrys day. The Florida sun 
seems not so much a single thing over- 
head as a set of Klieg lights that pursue 
you everywhere with an even white illu- 
mination, Even directly under palm 
trees and right up against the 12-foot 
ne fences that separate the village 
from the rest of the world, the sun finds 
you, reddening the tip of Rabbit's nose 
d baking his forearms and the back of 
his nongloved hand, which is dotted 
with litle white bumps of keratosis. He 
carries a tube of number-15 sunscreen 
his golf bag and is always dabbing it on 
but the ultr rays get through any- 
y. cooking his squamous cells into 
The three Jews he pla 
g and just get 
the bald 
head, smooth as an ost 

his shots with th 
‚ squeezed-feet stance of 
feels Bernie's steady, mech 
hort shots, 


Д 


violet 


wa 


cancer. 

never use anyth 
able 

Berni 

as he bends ove 


top of 


he can't quite carry him, and wonde 
why somebody who exudes sufleri 9 
wisdom the way Bernie does never 
learns a thing about golf or even seems 
to try. To him, Harry supposes, it's just a 
game, a way of killing time in the sun at 
this stage of his life. Bernie was a boy 
once and then a man making me 
and children (a carpet business 
Quee hters who married 
nice solid guys and a son who went to 
Princeton and the. Wharton School in 
Philadelphi а became а hostile-take- 
over specialist on Wall Street), and now 
he’s at the other end of life’s rainbow, 
and this is what you do: Bernie endures 
retirement fun in Florida the way he's 
endured his entire life, sucking that 
same tired wet-cigar taste out of it. He 
doesn't see what Harry sees in the 
game—infinity, an opportunity for 
infinite improvement. Rabbit doesn't sce 
it himself today. Around the Ith 
hole—a dog-leg par five that he butch- 
ers, slicing his second shot, a four wood, 
so wildly it winds up in a condo's side 
yard, between some plastic trash. cans 
and a concrete slab with some rusting 
steel clothesline poles sunk into it (a 
German shepherd chained to the 
clothesline barks at him, lunging toward 
him so the taut wîre sings, and Gold and 
Silberstein loafing in the cart cackle, and 
Bernie chomps deeper and looks mo- 
rose), taking the out-of-bounds drop for 
a four while the dog keeps barking and 
barking, trying to hit a three iron so 
hard he digs six inches behind and 
sprays sand all over his shoes and into 
the tops of his socks, pulling the next 
iron to the left into a bed of parched and 
shedding azaleas beside the 12th tee, 
taking a drop for another stroke, 
skulling the chip clear across the green 
(all three playing partners keeping a 
ghastly silence now, shocked, mourning 
for him, or is it holding in their glee?), 
plunking the next sand shot against the 
trap lip so it dribbles back, and picking 
up in disgust, and even hitting himself 
on the knee when, after raking, he flips 
the sand rake to one side—after this 
hole, the g ay begin to eat him 
into a state of depression. The grass 
sy and unreal, every other 
the drought and 


ey 


every fairway like tall stucco out- 
houses, and even the sky, the sky where 
your eyes can usually find something 
that 


di 


I they are i 
tinguishable from God's clouds. 

The hours pile on, noon comes and 
goes, the mes lights begin to dim, but 
the heat is turned up They finish 
at quarter to three, Harry and Bernie 
$20 down—both sides of а five-dollar 
Nassau, plus the 18 and a press on the 
second nine that they lost. "We'll get 
next time,” Harry promises his p; 
not really beliesi 


ner, 


‚ту 
7 Bernie admits. “You got girl 
friend trouble or something? 


"You weren't quite yourself toda 


histo- 
ry of Hollywood about their womaniz- 
g- Harry Cohn, Groucho Marx, the 
Warner brothers, they went crazy out 


Horny, Jews are: He once read 


there with the sunshine and swimming 


pools and all the Midwestern shihsas 
who'd do anything to be movie 
stars—panticipate in orgies, blow a 


mogul while he was talking on the tele- 
phone—yet his golf partners are all mar- 
tied to the same women, 40, 50 years, 


women with dyed hair and big bangles 
on both wrists who can’t stop talking 
when you see them all dolled up at din- 
ner, Bernie and Ed and Joe sitting smil- 
ingly silent beside 
them, as if all this 
talking their wom- 
en do is sex, which 
it must be: pep, 
life. How do they 
do it? Wear life like 
suit made to fit 
exactly. “I guess I 
told you,” Harry 
tells Bernie, "my 
son and his family 
are visiting.” 
“There's your 
problem, Ang- 
strom. You felt 
uilty horsing 
around with us, 
you should have 
been entertaining 
your loved ones." 
“Yeah, entertain. 
em. They just got 
here yesterday and 
are acting bored al- 
ready. They want 
us to live next door 
to Disney World.” 
“Take them to 


Jungle Gardens 
Up in Sarasota, 
down Forty-one 


from the Rh 
Museum. Fern a 
1 go there two, 
three times a win- 
ter and never get 
bored. 1 could watch those flamingos 
sleep for hours—how do they do it? Bal- 
iced on one leg two feet long and thi 
ner than my finger.” He holds up a 
finger and it seems thick, “Thinner than 
a fucking pencil," he swears 

"| don't know, Bernie. When I'm 
around, my kid acts like he doesn't want 
to have anything 
The little boy, he's 
four, is pretty much a stranger, but the 
girl and I could get along. She's almost 
nine. 1 was even thinking 1 should bring 

а cart sometime and let her 

try to hit the ball. Or maybe rent a Sun 
fish, Ed, if your son over at the Bayview 
could write me up as a guest.” 


my own grandchild 


much to do with me. 


her out i 


The foursome is having beers and fre 
munchies in Club Nineteen, next to the 
pro shop, on the bottom floor of Build- 
ing A of Valhalla Village. The darkness 
inside—the dark panels and beams in 
the English pub—is in 
tensified by the subtropical brightness 
ables under 
saying Caors. You can hear the 
g from the pool, between build- 
ings A and B, and the ıl 
gencrator housed on the other side of 
the wall, beyond the rest rooms and dart 
boards and video games. At night, some- 
times, Harry imagines he can hear the 
generator throbbing through all the in- 
tervening apartments, carpets, air cor 

ditioners, conversations, mattresses and 


style of an 


outside, at the round white 


obbing of a 


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peach-colored hall. Somehow noise 
curves around and clings to the walls 
and comes in his big slic dow, the 
crack that’s left open to the Gulf 
"No proble 
their scores. “Just show up at the front 
desk and ask for Gregg Silvers. That's 
what he calls himself. They'll let you 
walk through the lobby and downstairs 
to the changing rooms. 1 don't advise 
wearing bathing suits i 
they try to discourage that. Do you have 
a day I can tell bim to expect you?” 
Harry gets the impression this may be 


Ed says, as he totals 


to the lobby; 


a realer 


or than he thought, a bigger 
Friday, if even” he 
says. “Does Gregg have to know for 


deal than it's worth. 


sure? Tomorrow I thou 
Sarasota way 
ungle Gardens. 
"Lionel Train Muse 
contributes. "And right across from the 
Ringling Museum, there's Bellm's Ca 
and Music of Yesterday, is E think what 
they call it id music ma- 
chines, can you imi 
from 1897, I never knew th 
then. You're in the car business, aren't 
you, Angstrom? You and your boy. You'll 
both go ape in there 
“1 don't know,” Harry begins, groping 
to express the curious cloud Nelson car- 


ht we'd head up 


Bernie insists 
Joe Gold 


Over a thous 


Antique cars 


© were cars 


ries with him, that dampens any outing. 

“Harry, this is i : 
"Giving you à seven, two over p 
handicap purpos- 
es, on ihe eleventh, 
where you. picked 
up. and a courtesy 
six on the six- 
teenth, where you 
put two balls in the 


Ed says. 


етемін 


lor 


water, you scored 
an even ninety 
even so. You 
werent playing as 
bad as it looked 
Waste a [ew less 
drives and long 


irons and you Hl be 
in the eighties ev- 
ery time. 

couldnt get 
my ass anto al. 
I couldn't. release, 
Harry says. “I 
couldn't let 
has an unaskable 
question for these 
wise Jewish men: 


How about deathz 
He sks them, 
"How that 


about 
an Am jet?” 
There is a pause 
lt has to be a 
bomb. Ed 
“When you've got 
splipters of steel 


says 


driven. through 
leather luggage 
and wreckage 


strewn across fiiy miles of Scotland, it 
has to be a bomb.” 


Bernie sighs, “It’s them again. The 
Shütcheads 

Arabs,” Joc says. A patriotic glee 
lights his wobbling eyes. “Once we got 


proof, the Г-У be flying into Li 
again. What we ought to do is 


into Eye-ran and stick it to the ayatol- 


lah. 

But their tongues are less quick than 
usual; Harry 
with what he hadn't meant to be a politi 
1. With Jews, everything i 
the papers comes back to Israel. 

I mean,” he says, "how the hell do 
you think it feels? Siting there and 


has made them uneasy, 


cal questi 


157 


Fri? A Ж 


158 


g the plane explode?” 
“I bet it wakes you up," Ber 
“They didn’t feel a th 

considerately, sensing. Harry's personal 

Zero. It was over that quick.” 

y гу, “You know what the 

lis say, don't you, Angstrom? “If we 


got to have enemies, thank God they're 


d says, 


y has heard this before but tries 
10 laugh. Bernie says, “I think Angstrom 


could use a new partner. 1 depress him. 
“It wasn't you, Bernie. | came de 
pressed. 


Club Nineteen puts out a wonderful 
array of nibbles in little china bowls 
monogrammed with Valhalla Village's 
-bluc intertwined Vs. Not 
-roasted peanuts and almonds 
but pretzel sticks and salted pumpkin 
nd tight curls of something like 


seeds 


works it around to be 
ched berween the molars. The oth- 
er men take only a pinch of this starchy, 
salty salad now and then, but soon the 


erap's loaded with sodium," 
Bernie warns him. 

“Yeah, but it's good for the soul,” Har- 
ry says, about as religious a remark as he 
dares put forth. “Who else is ready for 
another beer? Losers bu 

He is beginning to feel exp 
dark mood is thinning like a squ 

nk in alcohol's gentle з 
for the waiter and asks him to bring 
along with four more beers another 
bowl of munchies. The waiter, a fawnlike 
young Hispanic wearing an carring and 
a limp gold chain on one wrist, nods in a 
frightened way; Harry must seem enor- 
mous to him, menacingly white and 
pink and sodden with sodium-retained 


rt of 
хеп. He waves 


"Doll Face to Uncle Charley. Doll Face 


lo Uncle Charley. Mayday 


Mayday. Mayday.” 


water The whole quartet must seem 
loud and potentially unruly: ugly old 
gringos. Another squirt of ink. Harry 
feels heavy again, Good times in Florida 
never as good as those boozy late aft- 
ernoons at his old club back in Pennsyl- 
vania, the Flying Eagle, before Buddy 
Inglefinger married that kinky crazy 
hippie Valerie and moved to Royersford 
and Thelma Harrison got too sick with 
lupus ever to show up and Ronnie had 
to drop his membership because of their 
medical expenses and Cindy Murken 
got fat and Webb divorced her so you 
never saw her anymore. In Florida, the 
people are so cautious, as if on two beers 
they might fall down and break a hip 
The whole state is brittle. 

“Your boy play golf?” Joe is asking 


nt Or the time, he ad, 
Rabbit might have added, he never real- 
ly invited him. 

“What does he do, for fun?" Ed asks. 
These men, it dawns on Harry, are being 
polite. By ordering another round of 
beers, he has stretched the 19th-hole ca- 
maraderie beyond where it's effortless. 
hese guys’ sexy elderly wives are wait- 
ing. Gossip to catch up on, letters from 
dutiful, prospering children to read. In- 
terest to add up. Torah to study: 
me, H: says. “Hangs 
around with a bunch of Brewer creeps, 
swinging singles, sort of. I never see him 
having much lun. He never went im lor 
sports." 

“The way you talk about him,” Bernie 
says, “he could be the father and you the 
son." 

Rabbit agrees enthusiastically; with a 
boost from the second beer, he almost 
has a vision. "Yeah, and a delinquent 
son, at that. That's how he sees me, an 
old juvenile delinquent. His wife looks 
miserable." Where did that come from? 
Was it rue? Help me, guys. Tell me how 
you've got on top of sex and death so they 
don't bother you. He goes on, “The whole 
family, the two kids, too, seem on edge. I 
don't know whats up. 

“Your wile, does she know what's up?” 
That muu. Harry ignores the ques- 
on. “Just last night, I tried to talk to the 
Kid in a friendly fashion and all he did 
bitch about Toyotas. The company 
that feeds us, that saved him and his old 
man and his shady litle crook of a 
grandfather from being bums, and all he 
docs is complain about how Toyotas 
! Jesus, that beer 
felt like the Gobi 


ent Lamborghini 
went down fast. Il 
Desert out there. 
ry. you don't want another be 

"You want to get home and tell your 
family about Bellos. B- E-L-L-M-S. I 
like 1 can't spell. Every 
before 
irs, even.” 


now it sound: 


old « wuld imagine. Fr 


you 


steering wheels. Before р 
“To be honest, guys, l've never been 
that much into cars. 1 drive ‘em, 1 sell 


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PLAYBOY 


160 


"em, but Ive never really understood 
the damn things. To me, they're а 
Great if they go. lousy if they de 
other men are standing up. 

“I want to see you out here tomorrow 
afternoon with your little granddaugh- 
ter. Teach her the basics. Head down, 


ie talking; Ed Silber 
stein tells him, “Work on shortening ul 
backswing. You don't need all that above 
the shoulders. The hit is right in here, 
right by your pecker. Best advice I ever 
had from a golf pro was, Imagine you're 
hitting it with your pecker 

They have sensed his silent cry for 
help, for consolation, and are becoming 
more Jewish on Harry's behalf, it seems 
to him as he sits ther 

Bernie has pushed up from the table 
and towers over Harry with his gray 
skin, his loose dewlaps full of shadows. 
“We have an expression," he says down- 
ward. "furis. Sounds to me, Angstrom, 
like you got some tsuris. Not full-grown 
yet, not gehakte tsuris, but tsuris." 

Pleasantly dazed with alcohol, his 
chest distantly stinging, the tip of his 
nose beginning to feel sunburn, Harry 


has no inclination to move, though the 
world around him is in motion. Two 
young college-kid hotshots who were 


pressing them from behind all alternos 
have finished and are making the video 
games over by the rest rooms warbl 
Zing, whistle and bleat. Animated au- 


n many colors appear and dis- 
ppear on the screens. He sees his white 
fingers, with the big moons on their 
fingernails, absent-mindedly dabble at 
the bottom of the bowl of munchies, as if 
he is trying to pick up the intertwined 
Vs. The junk food has been consumed 
He cannot be absolutely sure, in memo- 
ry, if the waiter ever brought a new bowl. 

Joe Gold, his h 
magnified eyes su 


y his 
sing back and forth 
within his spectacles, bends down a bit, 
as if rooting his [cer again in a trap, and 
s, "Here's a Jewish joke for you. Abe 
meets Izzy after a long time no see. He 
asks, How many children do you have? 
Izzy says, “None. Abe says, "None! So 
what do you do for aggravation? 

Their laughter seems speeded up, like 
the action in a beer commercial; their 
mockery in its unnatui on holds a 
premonition for Harry, that he has wast- 
ed the day, that now he must hurry, hur- 
ry to catch up, like when he used to run 
late to school with a watery flutter in hi 
stomach. The three other men, return- 
ing to their solid domestic arrange- 
ments, in farewell, cuff at him, even 
pinch the nape of his neck, as if to rouse 
him from a spiritual torpor. In Florida, 
he thinks, even friendship has a thin. 
provisional quality, since people m: 
any minute buy another condo 
and move to it, or else up and die 


"Sure I smell great. I took a workshop in 
smelling great.” 


(continued from page 100) 


the 150-foot columns, strapped them 
selves in and slept. In the morning. John 
rappelled to the end of the bungee and 
bounced in place. Then he climbed 
hallway to the top of the bridge and 
dropped. Then to the top. "It w 
mone cocktail of terror and exhilara 
tion" he says. The others followed whilc 
Peter filmed. 

“The last guy to go weighed two hun- 
dred pounds," said Peter, "and 1 was 
sure the bungee had been stretched and 
was going to break. It didn't, but it was 
intense, like being a spider and drop- 
ping into the Grand Canyon on a web. 

From then on, they did it once а 
month, just for fun, and as they became 
comfortable with the equipment, John's 
visions became grander, loonier They 
jumped from cranes, harnessed two. 
people together for Siamese drops, 
dived from the Golden Gate on cords so 
long that their bodies went into the wa 
ter up to the waist before the first re- 
bound: “Like a toilet plunger geuing 
slammed in and sucked out,” said John. 

“But our best jump,” he said, “was the 
Bear Hug. We wanted to do something 
extreme.” Peter was shaking his head 

. "It was actually a combination of 
two other jumps,” said John. “The fi 
is called the Pendulum, where you ar 
chor the bungees on one side of the 
bridge, run them underneath and jump 
off the other side so that you get a swing 
big enough to keep you from hitting the 
bridge on the rebound. That technique 
let us get into what we call the Acme 
sandbag Jump. On that one, you hold a 
fifty-pound sandbag on the down so 
that you load the cords with extra 
stretch. You drop the bag at the bot- 
tom—like pulling a trigger—then re- 
bound to a point that’s actually high 
than the bridge. The idea of the Bear 
Hug was to use Peter as a human sand- 
bag." 

“John came up with the idea 
wo months before we actually did it 
said Peter, “and 1 just laughed and said, 
“Yeah, that would be a pretty wild move. 
thinking it would never come to 
fruition. 1 should have known better, be- 
cause everything. John talks about actually 
happens. We decided to use а hundred- 
foot bridge in the me ns. There was 
about ten fect of water the 
heavy volume, people x 
“The plan was that 1 would hook into 
the bungces,” said John, "get behind Pe- 
ter and put him ina bear hug. He would 
be hanging on to the rail, hooked into 
nothing 
o John jumped with one sandbag 
first, as a test, and 1 was really hoping 
that he'd come back up, hit the bridge 
and be hurt so that I wouldn't have to do 
it,” Peter said, smiling. "When the one 
sandbag jump was successful, my hear 


a hoi 


about 


river, 


. zero. 


dropped. Then two sandbags worked 
and I knew that 1 was going to have to 
do it. It was a strange feeling. 1 weigh 
one hundred and һу pounds—thats 
like three sandbags. We had it calculated 
as best we could, but we didn't know 
how hard we were going to hi 
if maybe I'm going to be plastered on 
the bouom and get knocked out. Or 
maybe we don't even reach the water, 
which means no energy would be dissi- 
pated and John goes straight back up 
and hits the bridge.” 

“So Pete’s hanging on to the rail, and 
I'm behind him with my entire being fo- 
cused on my hands and my grip. - 
And I'm trusting John's grip, com- 
pletely. You talk about being high on 
life . to know that you could die, but 
you probably won't, but you don't know 
it. People were filming, so 1 just kind of 
got my Kodak courage together, told 
myself, - going to do this, so why 
freak yourself out? Everything melted 
away, Î let go and the bridge just disap- 


the water, 


We dropped like a ton of bricks and 
when the cord kicked in, I could feel the 
g force trying to tear Pete out of my 
arms, because at that point, his weight 
was doubled. It was like trying to hold a 
baby in а car accident. We hit the river 
and I rolled and twisted and when I let 
go, I was ripped out of the water, com. 
pletely out of control, and I could see 
the bridge just flying at me until I sailed 
like a rag doll eight feet above it. Saw all 
my buddies on the bridge. It was the 
most intense endorphin rush I'd had in 


my entire life. A dream move." 

“1 just remi wr into the 
river on my back," said Peter, “and going 
deeper and deeper, till 1 was about a foot 
from the bottom. Then the water sucked 
me through the ch 
shore. It was the most glorious moment 
in my life 

The brothers smiled a 
proud of themselves all ov 


mber slamm 


annel and I swam to 


each other, 
т again 

For the rest of the lunch, the Kockel- 
mans talked about starting their busi- 
ness, about the risk that that had 
amounted to. When John had proposed 
the idea, Peter had told him he'd better 
not u 
knew their system to be, he was sure that 
they would be sued. They haven't been 
In fact, of the several thousand jumps, 
the y ishap has been a dislocated 
shoulder of a man who suffered the in- 
jury several times before. 

“We can't guarantee that you won't 
get a litle abused, slapped around by 
the cord, that sort of thing,” said Peter. 
“But we don't want to water it down. I 
mean, we could make people wear hel- 
leathers, we could put 
them in a cage. But we want to let them 
out there on their own as far as we safely 
can. In a way, мете unique. We offe 
people something that the rest of the 


e the name. As safe as he 


15, glove: 


world in these times of tor 
and litigation doesn’t.” 

“We don't want to turn it into some- 
thing you could get at Great America,” 
said John. "As it is, it's you making a con- 
scious effort to leap off that bridge or 
out of a hotair balloon, which is the way 
we do it these di Either wa 
It's you and how you deal with fear." 

б 

1 stood with one hand on the bridge 
railing, dealing with my fear, listening to 
Rogers prejump briefing. “We're going 
to give you a countdown from five 
You're going to go headfirst.” 1 looked 
down at the river below where it 
squeezed between two boulders into a 
short slash of white water. 1 listened for 
mumbling of the rapids, and when I r 
alized that it was too far below for the 
sound to make the reach, the whole pic- 
ture took on the quality of something 
seen through binoculars. 

“Jump as ; from the bridge as 
you can," said Roger. “That way, the 
harness will automatically rotate you in- 
to the seated position. And keep your 
hands away from everything. You're go- 
ing to be pulling about three gs down at 
the bottom, and your first rebound is 
going to be about seventy-five percent of 
your original distance, so you don't want 
your hand stuck in your harness. We 
had one guy who got disoriented at the 
top of his first bounce, grabbed the 
bungee and slid all the way down, took 
the skin off his ha 
were any questions, then added a fi 
nal admonition, “Oh the 
guys you gotta make sure the har- 
ness is out of the way of the old crotch.” 

There was some chuckling, but not 
from me. My old crotch had paid the 
harness tax some years before on a sky 
"r that 


ids." He asked if there 


and for 


dive, an electric r nt that мам 
funny. 

“Lance is going to show you how to do 
the swan dive,” said Roger as a young 
blond kid with the muscles of a gymnast 
stepped up to be rigged. Roger clipped 
the long triple bungee to a carabiner 
that hung from the harness just ov 
Lance's belly button. When he held 
out for looked like he w 
holding a baby by the umbilical cord 
псе stepped over the rail and the 
group chanted the countdown. At zero, 
he sprang into a pretty Acapulco swan, 
then dropped away. He was still belly 
down, arms out, when he reached the 
limit of the bungee's stretch, where he 
flipped violently and was heaved back 
toward us at terrific speed. We lost sight 
of him under the bridge, then saw him 
take the second drop 
bound, which he embellished with a flip 
and a couple of twists. He bounced twice 
more, put a gung-ho yell into the air, 
then swung to a stop. Roger lowered the 
dimbing rope, Lance clipped into it, 
then the whole group grabbed the rope 


m 


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PLAYBOY 


162 


pulled like a mule train till we h 
him back on the bridge 

Nothing to it, | thought. Except 
maybe for that quick flip at the botto 
where it looked as if he'd been slapped 
across the [ace with the bungee. But the 
next j a woman named Cathy 
who was g her 17th jump, had a 
better time of it at the bottom, She let 
her swan dive rotate just enough so that 
she was on her back and clear of the 
cord as she began the return trip. I ran 
to the other side of the bridge and 
ned over just in time to see her at the 
top of her first rebound in the sort of 
weightless split second that Wile E. Coy- 
ote has just before he crashes to the 
desert floor in the Road Runner ca 
toons 

F jumpers followed Cathy. Some of 
them sereamed at the bottom, some of 
them screamed at the top, but they all 
climbed. back onto the bridge wearing 
big, breathless smiles. 

Roger read my eyes as he hooked me 
in. I stood there smiling, trying to look 
casual, wondering why you never get 
any better at fear, no matter how much 
you practice it. 1 climbed over the ra 
looked out into the big empty and sul- 
fered the voice inside that always takes 
you aside at the last second and says 
something like, “You know you could 
die, but you probably wo 
de know il ж) 

When the countdown hit * 
imo a tense swan, then fell through a 
zone of pure animal fear so imense th 
1 went blind. I don’t know whether I ac- 
tually closed my eyes or if maybe some 


deeper set of lids snapped shut on me, 
but the next thing I saw was the river 
moving away from me at high speed. 
There was no snap in the elastic 
turnaround; just a smooth, heavy slow- 
down, then—zang—| was on my way 
feet first, back up toward the bridge. 1 
cartwheeled through the w 
zenith, then gravity got me back 
took the second drop out of shape 
out of control, so that the bungee 
smacked me in the forehead at the bot- 
tom. I spent the next two bounces fend- 
ing off the cord with my hands exactly as 
I'd been told not to. When the thrashing 
finally stopped, 1 hugged the bungee, 
then dangled in the feeling that I had 
just awakened from one of those violent 
dreams that take your poor sleeping 
mind through six kinds of hell but som 
how leave your body alone. 

Back on the bridge, 1 walked my 
adrenaline shakes into a warm, drowsy 
endorphin buzz that lasted ull Roger 
took me le and offered me an extra 
jump. The rest of the group were going 
10 get two. He thought—since 1 was the 
man from Playboy who'd done all kinds 
of crazy damn things—that 1 might like 
a bonus, third jump, a chance to do 
something fancy 

No thanks, two jumps will be just fine, 
1 thought. "Sure, why not?” said the 
man from Playboy, the man who's made 
a career writing checks with his mouth 
that I have to cash with my ass. 

The others took their turns flinging 
themselves backward off the railing. 
Watching them fall away belly-up, I 
could sec the fear on their faces all the 


T assure you, sir, there's nothing wrong with your yo-yo 


that a shorter string wouldn't cure." 


way down. When they were safe on the 
bridge. most of them said it had been 
harder to let go of the rail with their 
backs to the void. 

For me, it was pretty much the same 
as the swan dive: the stupelying rush in 
the free-fall seconds, the fierce trigger 
moment at the turnare 
weightlessness at the t 


nd. the eerie 


p. The diflerence 
nd drop. 
where the old crotch took a hit that felt 
as if it had been delivered by a huge 
snapping animal 

When everyone had taken a second 
jump, Roger said, “Maybe inst 
flip, we ought to have you do a bat 
drop.” 

1 had no idea wh bat drop was, but 
it sounded better than spinning b 
d into the abyss and I sa 
He explained it to me, and a minute 
er, I climbed out onto the fra: I made 
a monkey-bar move that got my feet 
above my head, then felt Roger grab my 
ankles and hook them over the pipe so 
that I could hang headfirst, arms 
straight down, an arrow pointing to the 
water. 1 felt the grip on my ankles loosen 
through the countdown, then release, 
and I took off like a stooping hawk. 1 
w the water coming and was sure 1 w 
going in. As it was, | stopped about five 
feet short, and this time, because there 
was no pendulum effect, 1 exploded 
straight up, into the shadow of the su- 
perstructure, into the coils of floating 
slack that waited for me exactly at the 
top of the rebound. And there, in the 
still of the weightless moment, the cord 
threw a nice tight loop around my neck, 
and 1 took my second drop, 80 leer, in 
which there was plenty of time to think 
about death but not enough to do any- 
thing about it. Fortunately, the noose 
had chicken-winged my left arm in with 
my neck, so that when I hit bottom, the 
strangling I got was less than profession- 
al. The cord choked me off for a second, 
smacked me hard across the face, raked 
my trapped arm, then loosened on the 
second rebound, enough so that I was 
able to grab it with my right hand, throw 
the noose off my neck and fall again. 1 
hit bouom hard on the next two 
bounces, but I was so happy 10 be hang- 
ing by my harness instead of by my neck 
that the whipping I took from the cord 
seemed merciful: a little tar, a few feath- 
ers compared to a lynching 

Roger yelled down to ask if I was all 
right. I waved, then hooked into the 
rope for the quiet ride up. 1 lay back in 
the harness and touched the bungee 
burn over my eye, another burn on my 
wrist, felt my lip swelling. Lucky again, 1 
thought. 1 let my arms dangle, had my- 
sell a big sigh, and for the rest of the 
ride, 1 just hung there like an old pup- 
pet being hauled up for repairs. Or 
maybe retirement. 


El 


came at the bottom of the se 


ad of a 


MAURY POVICH 


(continued from page 141) 
ed your voice on his show but 
ioned your name or showed 


recently, he u 
never me 
your face. How do you feel about being the 
butt of his jokes? 

rovich: 14 пап is, 1 am dead sure, in 
love jy wife, and he resents me terri 
bly. It’s shtick with him. [Every time he has 
talked about me] he has called me Murray, 
Morley Safer, Morton Downey, Jr, the 
three-hundred-pound gorilla and the guy 
who does that icky show. And every time he 
says Murray, Connie says Maury. 1 didnt 
know anything about the film clip un 
saw it on the air. I thought it was very fun- 
пу, especially when he said, “Em out with 
this guy's wile and he rolls by on a bus.” 
[Laughs] That actually happened, because 
it was sweeps time, with posters of my mug. 
on every bus in the city. 

As lor using my voice, his writers came 
over [to my office] for this skit. Thats typi- 
cal Letterman. He just doesn't want to see 
me. | did it because 1 thought he would 
give me a great compliment at the end of 
the piece or something, and he could 
change our whole relationship. And he 
n ntioned my name. Not one mo- 
ment of credit came from his lips. [Laughs] 
1 guess they'll do anything at that show for 
a gag, even go into the enemy camp. [Gri- 
maces) And I accommodated them. 


8. 


It must be great fun when the 
three of you are together. 
wich: He's never shown а 
toward me. I've been in hi 
room. Гус been at his Christmas parties 
and he wont say hello to me. He has told 
my wife, “I don't want to say hello to him. 
Don't bring him over." I think what 
pens is, he likes to invite me to his parties 
ad not speak to me. For the last annual 
David Letierman party, 1 was conveniently 
out of town. One reason [1 dont think he 
likes me] is his obvious attraction to my 
міс... he wants me out of the picture. In- 
stead of the usual obsessive fan, I think 
Eve gor an obsessive host on my hands. 
[Laughs] E think there's no question that he 
lusts after my wife. And she knows it. And 
she's flattered. I handle it. I would never 
tell her not to go on his show. Noooo Unh- 
ih. I want to catch them. 


9: 


avnoy: Seriously. Do you th 
problem here? 

rovion: No. This is somewhat tc 
check. Letterman has been terrific with 
Connie, because he's allowed people to sce 
her marvelous, funny side. And she wo 
with him so well. I mean, she's been on Let 
terman as much as Mary Albert has. 

If theres any problem, its that she 
thinks Letterman owes her. She wants him 
to do one of the few interviews he's eve 
done, on her show, And the son of a gun 
wont go on. I told her that to really show 


te 


k there's a 


the world what he’s like—because he won't 
reveal his personal life—she should put a 
cardboard cutout of him in the chair and 
imerview it. But she won't do that. I think 
what turned him off is that she inter- 
viewed Arsenio Hall on her show and got 
the highest rating of the night. So he has 
not consented yet, and there may be a war 
going on at this moment 


10 


увоу: What's the most recent adv 
© your wife about her TV show? 
rovicn: The only advice Гуе given was dur- 
ing the onslaught of all that bad, negative 
criticism about re-enactments. 1 now am a 
veteran of criticism. 1 can't take the advice 
of a lot of actors who used to say to me, “I 
never read the reviews." I have to read the 
reviews. So I told her you can read them, 
but, boy, you just cant react to them. You 
cannot let them get under your skin. That 
was the first time in her life that she was 
ever faced with that kind of criticism. The 
initial wave about the show would have 
toppled most mortals, including me—and 
I think shes taken it terrifically. She's ab- 
sorbed it, shrugged it off and moved on 
The show continues to evolve. Quite 
frankly, 1 think that my wife has dealt a 
hell of a lot better with the criticism of her 
show than maybe the two anchors on Prime 
Time Live have dealt with theirs. 


п. 
eflect its audience, or 


SEV. 


does it create its audience? 
POVICI Sometimes we give the view- 
ers what they want, but what A Current Af- 


Jair has resisted is giving them what 
researchers eters decide they 
want. We've never done research on the 
show. We don't have m 
cus groups. | came out of that networ 
t view of “What we know is best 
re goimg to tell you what you should. 
But on A Current Affair, we have al- 
ys, every day, tapped our gut and decid- 
ed what works. What we think works. 


12. 


Avmoy: Your dad is a respected sports- 
ter, your sister a senior editor at News- 
week. Was your carcer a matter of destiny? 
тоун: AL five, | wanted to be a garbage 
collector. Some people say Гус attained i 
I wanted to be a ballplayer so badly when 1 
young; I was a bat boy for the old 
ington Senators baseball team. That's 
эш it. And the reason I'm in this end of 
strictly that 1 didnt want to drag on my 
thers coattails. I wanted to be judged on 
my own. But I desperately wanted to be in 
business. Is all I've ever thought 
about from the age of fourteen on. 


13. 


What's the most important thing 
can learn from his father, and when 


if you rebel against your par- 
nd you [cel estranged at times when 


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PLAYBOY 


164 


re young, it's gonna change. Believe 
you're not going to lose your love for 
and they're going to show you their 
һ many more meaningful ways. 1 
probably learned that the first time 1 was 
fired. My dad had a great line. I had to call 
him up, because he was going to rea 

about it in the news s. | was almost 
forty years old, and I was just devastated 
and embarrassed. It was a very tough call 
to make. After I told him, there was a long 
ilence, and then he said, "Well, son, let me 
tell you one thing: Get all the shar 
ments out of the house" For my 
something that fu 
terrible feelings I 


M. 
waov: USA Today said Connie was the 


newsperson people would most like to have 
to dinner. What are h ost troublesome 
and her most attractive table manner: 
тоюн: She's a wee sloppy. [Laughs] She'll 


splatter the pasta once in a while. If she’s 
going to eat dinner, give her a big napkin. 
That's her only proble the table. Oth- 
erwise, she's got a terrific sense of humor 
and she's a mimic. She has the most won- 
derful smile and laugh; it just cuts through 
any awkwardness. She is a regular-guy gi 


15. 


PLAYBOV: Does it bother 
ten mistake her for Ka 
New York newswoman? 
тоу: Everybody mistakes Connie for 
K In fact, when Kaity had a baby, 1 
walked into my office and there was a big 
sign that said, CONGRATULATIONS. DADDY! 


16. 


PLAYBOY: When the two of you are at a 
cocktail party, who's listened to more? 
Whose friends are more interesting? 

rovica: We had a great moment recently, 
when CBS invited us to a gala at which 


ou that people of- 
y Tong, another 


“Hey, Harry? Have you ever noticed that they 
use Sunshine Fresh fabric softener on these sheets?” 


Prince Philip was being honored. You have 
to be introduced to royalty, so finally, 
somebody introduced us. There was this 
kind of blank “Hello” from the prince and 
the person who introduced us told him, 
“They are big television people in the. 
ed States." The prince was nodding. There 
an awkward silence, and I said, “1 work 
for Mr. Murdoch,” and the prince said. 
“Well, I guess some mugs have to do it.” 
and left. [Laughs] We could have been 
mortified, but we just burst out laughing. 
We have such long-term friends, and we 
had such a long-term courtship, that we 
know each other's friends. We dont even 
have new friends. My friends are highly 
al ol me and highly respectful of 
Connie. And her friends are the same, 


17. 


pov: How do you keep curr 
rovicn: What you sce on the floor are seven 
newspapers—The New York Times, New 
York Post, New York Daily News, Newsday, 
The Wall Street Journal, USA Today and The 
Washington Posi—and it’s eleven o'clock in 
the morning. And I watch CNN all day I 
also read the weeklies Teme and Newsweek. 
But what you find is that if you read so 
many newspapers a day, you kind of skim 
the national magazines, because, for the 
most part, you know it. 


T 


rLAYBOY: What's on your nightstand? 
POVICH re Vidal's book on Hollywood in 
the Twenties; Avery Corman book Fifty: 
Robert A. Caros latest volume on Lyndon 
Johnson; and a detective novel by William 
; whom 1 like. Also a lamp and two 
clocks. One I think is slowly devel- 
oping a heart problem, so I'm setting them 
both. But the first one won't die. [Laughs] 


19. 


PLAYBOY: Whats better than watching 
yourself on TV? 
: 1 dont watch myself, because I see 


POVICH 
the bi 


I the cavernous lines—my 
face looks like a road map—and 1 hear my 
voice, which is not good. People say, “Boy, 
you have a distinguished voice,” and 1 say 
you don't know how many cigarettes and 
whiskeys it took lop that voice. If I 
stop s to find out 
whether I've gotten decent-looking vet. 1 
think E need new lighting. Maybe that will 
give me back my youth, make the hair 
seem less gray and the lines in my face less 
cavernous. I always want to check if maybe 
les happened! 


20. 


ruavwors If your voice is bad, your face a 
road map and your nose too big, how do 
you explain having come so 
rovich: The same way you exp 
when you go into a deli and it's crowded 
and you take a number: If you hang 
around long enough, they gotta call it. 


SAVIORS AND LOANS 


(continued from page 58) 
the Federal Government was in hock for a 
couple of billion dollars. Not what you'd 


call a victimless cri 


The savı 
not some bloodless accounting or comput 
er glitch. It is the artful work of a breed of 
connivers such as Keating who jumped in 
to stake their claim in the permissive 
financial climate of the Reagan years 
Money talks and Keating almost walked. 
‘Thanks to the intercession of the Senators 
and other powerful friends, the Federal 
watchdogs were ordered i0 halt their in- 
vestigation. On May 20, 1988, The Arizona 
Republic later reported, Keating threw a 
victory bash at his Phoenix offices. And 
quite a bash it was. During the revelry, а 
computer was thrown out a second-floor 
window, Keating unbuttoned his shirt in 
Superman style to reveal an anti-regulato- 
ry-agency T-shirt. A female secretary and 
a male executive were close enough on top 
of a desk for “Keating to lash their legs to- 
gether with a roll of transparent tape.” The 
Arizona Republic also reported that the 
taped executive had managed to free him- 
self and pour champagne down the front 
of another secretary's blouse while Keat- 
ing had yelled, “Get this champagne 
colder.” Pretty kinky: Its a good thing the 
party was in Phoenix, not in Cincinnati 


None of the above should suggest that 
Keating is less than fully commited to 
what Phyllis Schlafly and other bluenoses 
call “family values.” After all, he did ap- 
point his 28-year-old son to an $800,000-a- 
ar job as be an of the 
company. True, this wasnt the estimated 
$3,000,000 salary the elder Keating was 
paying himself, but the young man, an In- 
diana University dropout and country- 
club bus boy. had to start somewhere. And 
how about this: Between 1986 and 1988, 
says the Government, Keating and his 
family took around $34,000,000 [rom Lin- 
colns parent company in bonuses, salaries 
and sales of stock. Sounds like a close-knit 
family to me. 

Then the party ended. Less than a year 
after the victory bash. ulators felt com- 
pelled to seize Lincoln, contending that 
the S&L. was financially “unsafe and un- 
sound.” Suddenly, Keating was a loser and 
his former friends were clucking about 
how bad the S&L mess had gouen. 
Greenspan, who had testified to Keating's 
character, now had second thoughts and 
has since admitted, “The size of the prob- 
lem is certainly large enough for anyone to 
choke on. 

How different things might have been if 
Greenspan had choked a bit earlier, What 
is the public to make of a banking expert 
who judged Lincoln to be “a financially 
strong institution that presents no foresee- 
ble risk"? Greenspan had defended 1 


coln by comparing it to 17 other thrifis that 
were equally aggres rong. 
teen of the I7 are now in bankruptcy 

Keating was a master at creating an aura 

of moral sanctity—and he never let anyone. 
forget it. Two years after his Lincoln Sav- 
ings shenanig п, in 1986, he found 
time to send ош il-raisimg request for 
his Citizens for Decency Through Law, of- 
fering a membership card in return for 
donations. This was not just any member- 
d. as his letter trumpeted: 
s is no ordinary membership card 
which 1 enclose. It’s a shining symbol of 
your love—your love of your country, your 
love of your children, your love of God. It 
carries a great history with it—the history 
of a nations fight against the pit demons of 
pornography Just take this card in 
your hand. Hold it. Feel the bond with me, 
and with the hundreds of thousands of de- 
cent. God-fearing people across the coun- 
iry who stand in unbending line against 
the forces of absolute evil.” 

The man who wrote those words was 
even then engaged in what the Federal 
regulators charge was racketeering and 
fraud that would cost the taxpayers, in- 
cluding God-fearing ones, at least two bil- 
lion dollars and would destroy the savings 
of hundreds of small investors. You had 
better believe that this guy like so 
many others who have policed our moral 
standards, knows Irom “absolute evil. 


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PLAYBOY 


166 


Charlie Sheen (continued from page 118) 


"Sheen has two tattoos—a dragon on hi: 


right shoul- 


der and a kabuki face ou his right forearm." 


Theyd advise Shee 
petty things, pet the sweaty things." 

Bur when people got close, Sheen's 
expression would go flat and his whole 
body would coil as if to spring into ac- 
tion. 1 saw it happen more than once, 
when a girl would get up the nerve to 
ask for an autograph, then another 
would follow. and suddenly, the whole 
crowd would surge forward. 

1 think more than physical. danger, 
Sheen saw the psychic risk of his situa- 
tton—how alone all the attention threat- 
ened to make him—ultimately. He was 
probably lucky to have had Martin 
Sheen as a father and to have seen com- 


batand danger early and to be on guard 
п! them. 
. 
morning routine was busi- 


"We don't talk in the morning. 
We just listen to music,” Sheen had 
warned me. He was there to get the job 
done. CDs of U2 played in the make-up 


ler while Sheen shaved. Then Lynne, 
an exotic goddess with curly 
tumbling down her back, pored over his 
head for half an hour, creatiug the prop- 
er effect for the lens. Sheen sipped cap- 
puccino and flipped through the paper. 

Someone asked him if he wanted any 
breakfast. "See if they can make any 
^ Sheen said. not those 


stunt double, Eddie Braun 
do you want me to have a 

Sheen has two tatoos—a dragon on 
his right shoulder and a kabuki face on 
the inside of his right forearm, the latter 
ned by Bo Tin, a famous Japanese tat- 
too artist who had tattooed the Japanese 
Mafia. The only Westerners Bo Tin had 
tattooed before Sheen were Bruce Lee 
and Muhammad Al 


called 


“When a woman ends an affair, she turns to her 
women friends. When a man ends an affair, he starts 
another one. Thank God.” 


“Do you have the paints?” Lynne 
asked Mauhew Mungle, the maestro in 
charge of special make-up— everything 
from a scar that was on Sheen's cheek to 
a human head that melts. 

“Right here,” Mungle said. He was 
thin and bearded, with a soft smile. He 
began shaking the little bottles of special 
tattoo make-up, and then tree-handed a 
replica of Sheen's kabuki-lace tattoo in 
about 20 minutes, signature and all. 
"Don't scrub it when you shower,” he 
told Braun. “It should last for a few 
day 

Sheen's fm 
turned to bis trailer, where his pancakes 
were waiting under aluminum foil. He 
pulled off the foil and there were four of 
the biggest. fattest buckwheat. pancakes 
that ever graced a greasy griddle. “What 
is this shit?” he asked. “Jesus, did 1 not 
say no buckwhe: 
ou did 
Br 

But he did not throw them away. And 
when neither Kenney nor 1 wanted to 
cat them, he put them in the freezer 
п waste them. Braun, who had. 
for Sheens older brother, 
on Wisdom, said that the 
whole Sheen family was special. He said 
that Estevez would call him the 
phone the day after a stunt 10 ask how 
s. "Charlie's the same way,” Brat 
pth sweethearts.” 
° 
It was the 23rd day of shooting and 1 
ag on to the back of a golf cart 
hand, blowing around a curve 
in the road through the forest. Sheen 
g and Kenney was in the shot- 
gun seat. Early on, the actors had taken 
a golf cart apart and figured out how to 
override the Moule governor, so the 
machi © now modified. for pure 
speed. They weren't allowed on the 
roads, but there we were, hoping noth- 
ing wide and slow came around the 
blind curves. 

hings were getting crazier as the 
shoot progressed. Bill Paxton had taken 
side and said of the production, 
is the Titanic, man, and Um shov- 
g coal in the engine room.” 

That same day, Lewis Teague had also 
taken me id said of his macho col- 
lection of actors, “They drink all night. 
get three hours sleep, and then come to 
nd they re temperamental to be- 
gin with. It makes things difficult.” But 
Teague had strapped himself to a rocket 
with that group. and he'd hired Navy 
Seals to train them. and now they were 
primed and acting like Seals, and it was 
a woolly ride, ^a hair ball,” as one of the 
military men had put 


hed, we re- 


aney 


de: 


io Esteve; 


hew 


was di 


The Navy Seals had taken Sheen 
Rick Rossovich, Paxton and other actors 
into the woods for a short training 


course at the beginning of shooting, but 
Sheen had told me, “It wasn't that bad 


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compared with the boot camp we went 
through on Platoon.” The Seals had to 
keep most of what they did secret and 
were fond of saving, in response to al- 
ost any question, “I 1 tell you that, ГЇ 
have to kill you.” 

Teague had been upset because 
Rossovich (on his golf cart) had pushed 
actor Cyril O'Reilly's goll t into the 
lake during the filming of a scene ol 
some zany Seal antics. O'Reilly came out 
soaking wet and pissed. The cart engine 
was ruined. Everyone thought it was а 
moronic stunt but then realized it was 
something that an actual Seal might do, 
and Teague (who is actually far cleverer 
than the actors think he is) decided to 
use it in the film. 

Earlier, we had all been sitting at pic- 
nic tables under the wees by the golf- 
course clubhouse, eating lunch. | looked 
over at Rossovich and saw that he had 
somehow gonen hold of M 
Biehn’s knife, the one he had u 
The Abyss. a giant buffed 
knife, razor sharp with a 
Rossovich gr 


ged edge. 
bbed the hand of the guy 
next to him, who happened to be a teal 
Navy Seal. and started doing a scene 


Aliens in which a crew membe: 
stabs a knile into the table between the 
fingers of another. repeatedly, faster and 
faster, until we realize that he's nota hu- 
man. he's an android. Rossovich was not 
an android. but he did pretty well. right 
np until he gor the knife going super 
fast, and Biehn suggested he stop. be- 
cause wh: if he hurt the nice, 
combat-trained, killer Seal? 

Sheen didn't take part in the wildness. 
He was not aloof, but he just wasn't in- 
volved. 1 remember one night at the b: 
he had ordered a strawberry daiqu 
and got heavily razzed by the macho 
When the pink drink was delivered by 
the waitress. it had a mound of whipped 
cream on top. and Sheen carefully 
spooned all of it onto a saucer, saying to 
‚ "You can write, He wiped the jizz 
off his manly drink.” 

In an interesting way, Sheen has gone 
beyond the fight and the fury. Someone 
asked him how he liked Eight Men Out 
and he said candidly, “I don't remember 
100 much a taking too many 
g too much at the 
time.” So he has been there—he even fa- 
thered an illegitimate: child five years 
ago. And while he didit usually pass 
п his fellow w 一 he un- 
derstood from his own past their ener- 

e ol abandon—he was upset 
of them, a married actor, lor 
the shoot 


from 


lor six months, “the wedding rings come 
olt and people acquire sea wives and sea 
husbands. The same thi sometimes 
happens on lila locations —people are 
far from home, alone and lost in a La 


tale land. But Sheen had learned to be- 
lieve in defensive living when it came to 
the Hollywood machine, When the actor 
was leaving the bar with his sea wile, 
Sheen called after her, "Leave some lor 
his wile!” then added, soto voce, “He”: 
way over his head.” 
. 

We were sitting in the trailer afier 
lunch. Kenney w t the kitchen table 
reading A Brief History of Time, while 
Sheen tried 10 use the phone. He was 
cut off three or four times. The fighte 
planes sounded like rubber tires 
screeching and smoking in some infer- 
al. airborne drag race of torque and 
gravity. When no one came to get Sheen 
for a shot, he decided to turn on the sec- 
ond game ol the As against the Blue 
Jays. Alter we'd been watching for hall 
an hour, a Sears commercial came on 
nd Sheen said he had done the voice- 
over. | expressed my Why 
would he, one of the hottest young male 
talents in the country, do voice-overs? 

It’s good cash.” he said. “Its a lot of 
nd it’s easy: You get three ac- 
counts and you're set. It's not selling 
ош. I don't appear on camera.” Tw 
nutes later, a Toyota commercial са 
on and Sheen smiled and sat up a litle 
from his slouch on the couch. “The old 
man,” he said with his sly, James Dean 
smile, cutting his hazel, glinting eyes to- 
ward me. “He does voice-overs for Toy- 
ota, Pepst and Polaroid. 

During the baseball game, Sheen tried 
the phone again and was cut off again 
That was when we went outside and 
smashed it to pieces. When we came 
back inside. he seemed drained of ten- 
sion. He sat on the couch cracking pis- 
tachios and his knuckles, and we talked 
about poetry and how the publishing 
business wot and doesnt work. He 
was interested in getting his book of po- 
etry published. He carried it with him 
on the shoot and worked on i in spa 
moments. 

Alter a while. he scooped up the shells 
and dumped them into a bowl, suetched 
out on the couch, kicked off his muddy 
loafers and went to steep. 

The loafers were the only shoes he 
wore the whole time | was there. In fact, 
he wore the same black sweat pants and 
black checked sports coat, too, each day 
changing only his T-shirt. He traveled 
with very few clothes—one suit, one pair 
of jeans, one pair of khaki pants. “I 
figure, even if 1 wear the same thing for 
a week, Um wearing it only two hours a 
day because of wardrobe changes, he 
said. "So thats. only—what—fourte 
hours? That's not even a whole day.” 

When Sheen finally came out and did 
his part of the scene, the fans were wait- 
ing for him, and lor a few moments, 
there was a scene that e 
concert in the Sixties: hordes of girls go- 
ing crazy, scr ig, rending garments. 


surprise. 


money 


hey, standing nearby, c 
Sheen's eye and mimed putting a bullet 
“ h the rool of his mouth. Sheen 
cracked up. 

By the end of a long day of shooting. 
the atmosphere could ger pretty silly. 

obe and make-up people 

Super String from a can. 
high, long aud tired. echoed 
around the forest, as the crew r 
played. E heard one of the actoi 
ing to himself, “Oh, please say that word 
1 long to he 

“What word is that?” someone asked. 

“Wrap.” he said 

We escaped back to base camp and 
found that the Jays and the As were still 
playing, so we hunkered down to watch. 
Word came that a column of fans was on 
the march through the forest toward the 
trailer, so Kenney moved his rented 
black T-bird in order to make a quick 
as soon as the game ended 
minutes later, we were skim- 
long the dappled forest road. 
sing the dispersing crowd of fans, 
who weren't even lool 


g to see who was 
the ca another world. 
We w home from the 
in the black Tbird, Sheen riding 
shotgun. He had offered to s 
in back and, in fact, had once insisted on 
iting in the back, but it felt wrong. He 
was the star Anyway, I wanted him in 
the front, where | could watch him. 
When we'd caten lunch together, he'd 
asked permission to smoke and had 
seemed concerned that I hadn't finished 
cating, as if it might spoil my meal if he 


They were in 


re, too. driv 


with me 


lighted up. Now he asked, “Are you a 
Zep fan?” before putting on the tape he 


was holdin; 
Remains the Same, and he r 
Stairway to Heaven, saying that it had 10 
be “among the all-time top-five gre: 
` songs.” 


in his hand. tt was The Song 
wound to 


est 


To our 


ght, the big red 
nd off to the left, two giant 
m C-130 airplanes sat with 
their ramps down, loading. We passed a 
blonde ple: a maroon Alfa 
Romeo, and 1 s head turn to 


з was go- 
down, 


check her ou . then 
turn back to his concentration on the 
task ar hand—playing drums on his 
knees to Stairway lo Heaven. V thought 1 


understood why Sheen views his life as 
something of a fire fight. With his father 
li ¡ke-belie 


have 


almost dying for r 


пат movie 


наху and rea 


make a dı ix, that some 
played for keeps even if they are just 
- Then a fighter plane, sideways in 
a 90-degree bank, appeared out of the 
mist the freeway before us and 
silently crossed from right to lef, as bi; 
and white as Moby Dick, as we lefi the 
hot mist, the green forest, the loud high- 


L 


mes are 


over 


way behi 


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САЙ ТЕ HONOR (continued from page 138) 


EARCH PROV NINETY NINE PRENT OF POWS JAC 
X WE NEED YOUR HELP TO MAKE IT ONE HUNDRED" 


"RI 
OFF 


of pain, he counted out the taps and that message had probably saved his 
translated them into letters, and then in- sanity, if not his life. 
to words, putting it all into a message: . 

Looming over every action the POWs 
took when dealing with the North Viet- 
mese was a group of difficult ques- 

tions: How far should they push their 
an would say that resistance? What should a man expect 


RESEARCH. PROVES THAT NINETY NINE 
PRENT OF POWS JAC OFF XX WE NEED VOUR 
HELP TO MAKE IT ONE HUNDRED PRENT XX 


s later, the m 


"How do you expect to gel into college if you never study?” 


from himself and his comrades? What 
was the limit? 

Well, Stratton sa 
long as you ca 
10 “as long as is prudent." And, f 
"to the point ol serious or permanen 

It was always a subjective evalua- 
tion, but the rule was: Don't make it 100 
y for them or too hard on yourself. As 
nportant as it was to hold out, it was 
perhaps even more vital for a man to 
her his strength. after he had been 
broken and get back on the team. When 
a man came back from interrogation, it 
was crucial that he tell his fellow POWs 
what he had said. He would keep faith 
with his fellow prisoners. Jeremiah Den- 
ton, a prisoner in another camp, gave it 
a name: bouncing back. The alternative 
was a disintegration of unity and 
morale. 1t was either bounce back or ev- 
ery man for himself. 
. 

Not every POW in the Plantation was 
villing to obey Stratton's orders or to 
live by the bounce-back doctrine, and 
the North Vietnamese were quick to ex- 
ploit the exceptions. Prisoners who did 
not bother with even a pretense of re- 
sistance were separated from the others. 
They were fitted for clothes to replace 
their prison pajamas. They were tak 
out of the prison from time to time to 
spect bomb d and meet with 
wounded North Vietnamese. They were 
indoctrinated, repeatedly, in the. North. 
Vietnamese line about the war. Eventu- 
ally, the men were told the reason for 
this extra attention: They were going to 
be sent home. 

This was inexcusable to the other 
POWs. While it had been necessary to be 
flexible about how much a man would 
be required to suffer before he went be- 
yond name, rank, serial number and 
date of birth, there was no question 
when special favors and parole were of- 
fered. There was simply no reason to ac- 
cept either. Straton began writing a 
formal military order, using toilet paper, 
ink made rk dust and a bamboo 
rpened on the rough concrete 
a pen. It addressed the ques- 
tions of early release, specifically, and 
the duties of an American prisoner of 
The plan was to smuggle 
document into the cell 
ase prisoners were 
led was a courier. 


id at first, resist “as 
was refined later 


where the y 
held. All that was nei 
Everyone in Stratton’s unit volunteered. 
concealed the little 
bundle of paper by tying it to the couri- 

` e their body-shy cap- 

spect. E 
one of them left the cell for camp details, 
he tied on the order and waited for his 
chance. 

“Son of a bitch, but this thing gets 
heavy," Stafford would say when he came 
back to the cell. 

“Yeah, but look at it as exercise. Just 
think what it does for your physique," 


his cellmate would reply 

One day, when the normal leth: 

the camp seemed a little worse t 
al, Stafford. saw his chance, He was on 
the way to the mess hall to spend the 
morning making coal balls, cooking bri- 
quettes prisoners fashioned. from coal 
dust and water. His guard was paying no 
attention to the American wearing 
droopy pajamas who shuffled along 
dispiritedly ahead of him. All the while, 
Staflord ed to focus his attention on 
the cell where the early releases were 
held, justa few more steps ahead of him. 
He wok a quick, furtive look over his 
shoulder, saw his guard smoking and 
talking, and reached inside his pajamas 
nd untied the string. 
When he was next to the cell window, 
he raised his good arm high enough to 
reach the sill and, like a basketball play- 
er tapping back a missed shot, flicked his 
wrist and let the package fall from his 
hand. He tensed for the impact of a rifle 
butt aimed from behind. Nobody raised 
a hand. 

For the next four hours, Stafford 
made coal balls with trembling fingers. 
Whenever the guard moved or spoke to 
another guard in the yard, his stomach 
twisted into a knot. He did not relax un- 
til he had been led back across the yard 
and returned to his cell. When the door 
was closed and locked behind him, he 
broke into a smile, gave a thumbs up 
and said, "Mission accomplished." 

The other men in the cell smiled back 
and pounded him on his shoulders and 
back, being careful to stay away from the 
njured spots. “Goddamn, Al, baby. Way 
to go, man. Shit-hot job." 

Typical of the war in Vietnam, Stal- 
ford's successful mission yielded small 
and ambiguous results. Some of the men 
who had read the order were persuaded 
to turn down сапу rel but the 
North Vietnamese found EEE 
for them. But by succeeding, Stallord 
had "rescued" one or two men who were 
vacillating and, more important, he had 
done something. It stiffened the resolve 
and raised the spirits of the other men in 
the Plantation. It allowed them to feel 
that they were still resisting and that the 
o matter how hopeless it looked, 
was still going on. 


. 

A week before Christmas 1972, the 
POWs in Hoa Lo were awakened in the 
middle of the night by waves of B-52 
bombers flying high over the city. For 
ore than a week, the city burned and 
the walls of the old prison uembled. In- 
side, men cheered and the guards did 
not try to quiet them. 

The Chrisu bombings, as they 
came to be called, remain controversial. 
Pointless and barbaric according to one 
view; necessary and overdue, to another. 


Among the POWs, the nd much later, 
the feeling was that the bombing cn- 
sured that they would all go home when 
the peace papers were signed. Before 
the bombings, they were hostages and 
represented an asset of sorts. But if they 
could be used as a pretext for military 
action—for more B-52 raids—then they 
were not worth any possible ransom. 
Stafford and the other men—bein; 
kept in a camp far from Hanoi—knew 
nothing of this. They had not been told 
about the Chi ids or about the 
signing of the treaty. They celebrated 
the new year—!973—and did their best 
to keep warm and occupied. Then, one 
night, the guards began putting them in 
formation according to some new sys- 
tem, as if it were the first day of boot 
camp. 
Hey, you know what?” one п said. 
They re lining us up in order of shoot- 
down. This time, I believe we are going 


. 

On the morning of their scheduled г 
lease, the men were fed breakfast and 
then loaded onto buses and driven to 
the airport in Hanoi. They formed 

aks and were marched over to tables 
manned by officers from North Vietnam 
and the United States. Stalford's name 
was read olTa roster and he stepped for- 
ward. The North Vietnamese put a 
check by his n 1 the Americans 


ac 


did the same. Custody had changed 
hands. 
It took an hour, perhaps, to complete 


the transfer, When the paperwork and 
other formalities had been concluded, 
the cargo ramps were raised into place, 
sealing the planes, and the engines were 
brought up to full power. One by 
one, the big planes taxied out onto 
the runway and took off. 

Stafford felt like he was holding his 
breath while the plane built speed. Then 
the wheels left the ground and w Y 
tracted. He could see the coast and the 
Gulf of Tonkin, just the way it had ap- 
peared five and a half yea lier on 
the morning when he had 
grip of that bad feeling. At that moment, 
he felt that he had at last accomplished 
his mission. 

As the big plane crossed the coast line, 
Stafford and all the men around him be- 
gan cheering and laughing with 
ned joy. They were free 
. 
fitchell, a Navy flight 
tudy of the М; 


mre- 


in Robert 
surgeon, organized 
and Marine POWs immediately af 
turned from Vietnam. Every 
was given a complete physical, as well 
as a battery of tests 
wih a psychiatrist 
so assigned a counterpart who was as 
close to him as possible in age, physical 


Navy 


views Each was 


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Back to Campus 
Page 92: His quilted jacket by | — 
Tom Tailar, 212-730-0196. Tam Toilar, Wash- 
ington, D.C. Paisley print shirt by Bugle Bay 
for Men, 212-564-4950. Hecht's Ca., Wash- 
ington, D.C.; Famaus Barr, St. Louis. Jeans 
by Jordache, 212-279-7343. Leather belt by 
Charles Chevignon. 212-764-1336. Chori- 
vari, М.Х.С.; Ultimo, Chicago. Lace-up shaes 
by Steeple Gate, McCreedy & Schreiber. 
N.Y.C.; Mario's, Portland and Seattle. His 
leather backpack by Clava American, 203- 
869-2329. Natural Leather, N.Y.C.; Tata, 
N.Y.C.; Josmine/Salo, Cambridge, Mass.; 
Up Ageinst the Wall, Washington, D.C. Her 
outfit by Calvin Klein Spart. 


Page 93: His poplin jacket by Members Orly, 
800-223-5533. Kramers, Honolulu. Denim 
overalls by Guess?. Bloomingdale's, Short 
Hills, N.J. Haoded sweatshirt by Axis, 212- 
764-5775. Rev-2 Clothing, N.Y.C.; MGA 
& Guess?, L.A. T-shirt by Fruit of the Laam. 
Available at discount stares near уси. His 
watch by Charles Chevignon, 212-764-1336. 
Her outfit by Benetton, 212-593-0290. 


Page 94: His toggle coat from B. Free by M. 
Julion, 213-629-8041. Cada Unlimited, 
Great Neck, N.Y.; High Energy, Baltimore; 
Up Against The Wall, Washington, D.C. 
Save Our Planet sweatshirt by Catler. Stern's, 
N.Y. and N.J. Corduroy pants by Guess?. 
Bloomingdale's, Shart Hills, N.J.; MGA ond 
Guess?, LA. 


Page 95: Still-life collection from top to bat- 
tom. Black backpock, Bad Guys, 212-768- 
0690. The Whipp, N.Y.C.; The Stawe 
Trading Post, Stowe, Vt.; The Great Outdoor 
Stare, Sioux Falls, S.D. Hiking boots by Tra- 
vel Fox, o divisian of Hongsan, 800-221- 
6627. In N.J., call 201-560-1155. Select 
lacations of Father & San Stores. Leather belt 
by Charles Chevignon, 212-764-1336. Spart 
shirt by Pepe, 213-747-4711. Hudson's New 
All Amer- 
ican Jeans, New Orleans; Benjamin‘s, Corpus 
Christi, Tx.; Rolo, San Francisca. Archie 
watch from Cheval by Bobtron, 800-833- 
9898. Mervyn's, Fla., Mich. and West Coast 
locations. Small nate pads and clipboard, 
Charles Chevignan, 212-764-1336. Eye- 
glasses by Guess? Eyewear. Pildes Optical, 
N.Y. tri-state area and Fla.; Cahen’s Foshion 
Optical, NY.C. 


Page 96: His denim jocket by 
French Cannectian, 212-221- 
7504. Urban Outfitters, at all 
locations. T-shirt by Fruit of the 
Loom. Available at discount 
stores near you. Catton trau- 
sers by Calvin Klein Sport far 
Men. The Calvin Klein Store, 
Chestnut Hill, Palm Beach, 
Dollas ond N.C. Leather belt 
by Billy Belts, 818-331-6306. 
Corson Pirie Scatt, Chicaga. 
His penry loafers by Barclay, 800-847-5510. 
Giovanni D'ttalia Footwear Empire, Haba- 
ken, N.J.; Dole's Shaes, Cincinnati; Honey's 
Shae Store, Omaha; Club House, Irvine, Col. 
She is wearing his coble knit sweater by 
Nautica. The Nautica Stare, N.Y.C. and 
Newport Beach, Col. Her denim skirt by Bik 
Bok, 212-921-1297. Her black hase by Ralph 
Lauren, 212-354-5310. Her hat by Benettan, 
212-593-0290. 


Poge 97: Wocl sports caat by Henry Grethel, 
212-237-1555. Henry Grethel Studia, Chi- 
cogo; Corsan Pirie Scott, Chicago and Mil- 
wavkee. Cotton denim shirt by Bugle Bay 
Men, 212-564-4950. Jeans by h.i.s., 
422-5561. In N.Y. Stute, 000-942-3411. Silk 
tie from Perry Ellis by Manhattan Menswear 
Group, 212-221-7500. Tie clip by Tam Tailor, 
212-730-0196. Tom Tailor, Weshingtan, 
D.C. and Princetan, N.J. Her autfit by Benet- 
tan, 212-593-0290. 


The Playboy Collection 
Page 142: Juma Lomp fram Xanex Interna- 
tional, 216-442-1600. 


Page 143: Fram top to battam, Caracciolo. 
attaché from Geldpfeil Boutique, 800-486- 
FEIL Crauch and Fitzgerald, N Y C.; Leather 
Warld, Bastan ond Newtan Center, Moss.; 
Goldpfeil Boutiques, Miami and Beverly Hills. 
Gold-vermeil cuff links fram Rosenthal-Truitt 
L.A., 213-659-5470. Century City Shopping 
Mall, Costa Mesa, Cal. JVC Compact videa 
system, call 800-252-5722 for a location 
neor you. 


Page 144: ADAM Answering Machine by 
PhoneMote, 213-618-9910, soles deport- 
ment. ADAM may be found at mast stores that 
sell consumer electranics. Circuit City, Cal.; 
Macy's, mast locations; American Express 
Merchandise Services. Vantix' galf clubs from 
Tamrac, 818-715-0090. Sanya electric 
shaver, 818-998-7322, x439. Service 
Merchandise, nationwide; Saccanes Razor 
Center, Newton Center, Moss.; Electric 
Emporium, L.A. 


Page 145: Aquarello Washmabil fram Host- 
ings Tile & II Bogna Collection, 516-379- 
3500. Hastings Tile & Il Bagno Collection, 
N.Y. and Chicago; Internatiancl Bath & Tile, 
Southern Cal. 


characteristics and experience—exclud- 
ing the years of imprisonment. These 
men were 10 be given the same annual 
examinations and tests. The data, it was 
hoped, would yield useful information 
about the long-term ellects of captiv 
Fifteen years afier the program was 
started, a Mitchell had discovered 
Meresting, ev n 
the men who returned were in 
singly good health, considering 
They sullered the lingering effects of 
y untreated injuries, but otherwise. 
general health was better than that 


some 
First, 


ally in the cardioy 
ex-POWSs had fewer he: ks, which 
could be accounted to the fact that they 
seldom ate any red meat or other high- 
cholesterol food, Furthermore, they did 
not seem to suffer from any lingering 
emotional problems that could be traced 
to their captivity. They experienced the 
same frustrations and anxieties as the 
men in the comparison group and, in 
fact, showed a slightly better ability to 
deal with stress—something else they 
had picked up in Vietnam. 

There had been very few long-term 
psychiatric problems. One of the POV 
had been institutionalized, and there 
was one suicide. A few, such as Stafford, 
had suffered bouts of depres but 
the numbers w The 
not 


iot out of line. 


had been 


m as 


experience, gı 
ruined these men for life. They had tru 
ly bounced back 

е 
ее years, former POWs come 
nd 
ford 


June 


Every il 
from all over the country to socialize 
remember for a weekend. Al St 
drove to Wa D.C., in 
of 1987 for one of these reunions. 
g a cocktail party on the first 
. he was standing off from the 
g for a familiar face, when 
ne shouted his name, ran across 
om and leaped into his arms. For a 
moment, Stafford did not know who the 
man was. “Al, baby,” he shouted. “God, 
is great to see you, man. 17 ve been wor- 
rying about you for twenty y 
It was John Roosen, the man whose 
place Stafford had taken in the Alpha 
E ike on the day he was shot down. 
ddamn, man. Great to see you.” 
ou too, Joh 
you understand, don't you? 
> was no way E could have 
flown ihat bird ihat day. Iê ws just ponr- 
ing hydraulic fuid.” 
“For Christ's sake. John.” 
“No, Um serious, Tell me you under- 
stand. 105 been on my mind for twenty 


hington, 


understand. What do you think I 


J. man. I think yer 


are the greatest 


STEVE CONWAY 


ON: THE 


“S/C ENE 


THE FINISHING TOUCH 


he good newsis that you've finally obtained a TV with 
a screen the size of an N.F.L. end zone, a VCR that 
you can actually program and a killer sound system. 
Now the bad news: How do you store all this great 
stuffand the software that goes with it? Read our lips: Custom 
Woodwork & Design, in Bedford Park, Illinois, which special- 


Because Custom Woodwork & Desigr's handsome audio-video cabinet i 


izes in audio-video cabinetry. Its storage units begin at $210; 
a room paneled in natural walnut— shown here—costs about 
$18,000. (Other finishes include natural, dark and black oak 
and four colors—ebony, almond, pewter and white) This 
installation is snug and complete, but it can be expanded to 
accommodate future needs. Anyone for a laser-disc player? 


itallations are one of a kind, we took our cameras to The Media 


Room, an electronics store at 5701 Dempster Street, Morton Grove, Illinois, where one portion of alistening room had been paneled by C.W.D. 
A planner kit identical to the one The Media Room used to create its home theater is available from Custom Woodwork & Design, 5200 West 
73rd Street, Bedford Park, Illinois 60638, for four dollars. Or call C.W.D. at 800-323-2159 for information on its national network of dealers. 


No Knocks on Wood 

Canadian dancer and beauty SUNNY WOOD is just starting out in 
showbiz. She has produced her own poster and appeared in a 
swimsuit calendar and in the Hawaiian Tropic Swimsuit Pageant. 
We havehigh hopes that some smart Hollywood producer will get 
hip to Sunny. Until then, feast your eyes, guys, and 
enjoy Sunny's shine. 


© WERNER W. POLLEINER 


NIE GRIF- 

HTH have 
plenty to cel- 
ebrate, He's 
staring in Hot 
Spot and she's 
the tart in the 
hot movie, Bon- 
fire of the Vani- 
ties, set to open 
in December. 


Dishing Some Dirt 
You may not know these Georgia boys yet, but trust us, you will. 
You'll never forget their name, CHICKASAW MUDD PUPPIES, 
and you'll check out the album White Dirt. Then you'll like the 
Puppies themselves and be surprised that people can dance to 
this stuff. Then you'll dance. 


Ё 
i 
E 
2 
H 
H 
i 
3 
E 


© PAUL NATKIN / PHOTO RESERVE INC. 


Birds of a Feather 
Finally, a group that really does sound like the next- 
generation Rolling Stones. You'd best check out the 
BLACK CROWES and their album, Shake Your Mon- 
eymaker. Yes, that's Chuck Leavell on keyboards and a 
wonderful version of Otis Redding's Hard to Handle. The 
Crowes are taking off. 


© PAUL NATKIN/ PHOTO RESERVE INC. 


Beyond the 
Fringe 

Starlet CHERYL JOHN- 
SON has a poster for 
sale and has appeared 
in Hard Ticket to 
Hawaii on the big 
screen—but not in 

this getup. Bo 
knows just about 
everything, but 

Chery knows 

jackets. 


Our Belle Sings 

This year, vocalist REGINA BELLE sang on Broadway 
and toured with Maze, and her second LP, Stay with 
Me, went gold. She can belt out a song with the best 
of the lady shouters and sing a ballad that will make 
you swoon. This Belle tolls for you. 


&ı MARK LEIVOAL 


Chic 
Geeks 


Have rocker STEVE 
VAN ZANDT and ac- 
tor JOHN GOOD- 
MAN been hanging 
out with Axl Rose's jr 
fashion consultant? 
Catch John's spider 
movie Arachnopho- 
bia, and look for Steve 

in a club near you. 


POTPOURRI 


THE BIG SOUNDS - E 


Tired of tuning in to the Bart Simpson Rap? Then 
return with us to those thrilling big-band sounds 
of yesteryear. Delta Mu n conjunction with 
Damark International, is offering The Kings of 
Swing. a boxed set of five С for $49.95, Artists 
include Louis n Count Basie, Duke 
Ellington and others on 85 c . Ло orde 
call BOI 000. And, yes, Kings of Swing is 
ailable on cassettes, too. The price: $24.£ 
Ti all sounds good to us! 


DREAM 
OF THE CROP 


the 
s ol eroti- 


у 


n Avenue NW, 
Washington, D.C. 20007 
Dream Dresser sells the 
stuff that wet dreams are 
made ol —thigh-high 
patent-leather boots with 
six-inch heels ($420), la- 
tex lingerie ($40 to 
torian corsets 


Arabian 
ther halter top 
draped with si 


id's dress ($99) 

and the sleck and sexy 
patent stretch play s 
pictured here that’s 
priced at $1 
cluding the 


ten-dollar catalog is hot- 


ter than Washingt 
for it, you 


nin 


horny dev 


HOW WEIRD CAN YOU GET! 


Weird Tales magazine pub- 
lished the most spine-tingling fiction imaginable. 
Some of the stories were early works by such 
mous writers as Ray Bradbury; others ran once 
and then were never reprinted. Now 32 of the 
weirdest tales (one from each year of publication) 
have been collected into an anthology that's - 
able from Weinberg Books, PO. Box 423, Oak 

Foi Illinois 60452, for $12. Read betore dark. 


3 mie CLASSIC 
ASTOR St LINES PUBLISHED 


Is going to be anythin 
the Wyoming W lo Sheridan, September 
12 to 16. Events include a guest appearance by Chuck (The 
Rifleman) Connors, Western dances, Wester 
wows, cowboy poetry readings, four-wh 
sites, including Butch € 
call historic), and the sere a posse 
day admission to all ev 0. Call V 
8383. Head em up and ride “em out! 


st roundup for cowboy films as 
rides 5 


t show, Indian pow 


ive tours to historic 

(now, thats what 
I cowboy films. 
West at 800 


we 


SMELL OF THE OPEN ROAD 


You dont have to own a Harley-Davidson 
motorcycle to go hog wild over that com- 
pany's new cologne and after-shave 
Strong and bold like the bikes, these 
ies combine the scents of 
y carnation, nut- 
mber, patchouli, sandalwood and 
(Sorry, the odor of 10W-40 motor 
of them.) Both the cologne 
fter-shave are available from 
Harley dealers for $29.95 and $24.95, re- 


spectively: And while you're there 
out Harley's removable tattoo 
=> 


SOMETHING TO 
COLLABORATE WITH 


Working on the great American novel and 
can't get past the second page? Slip a Col- 
laborator floppy disk into your IBM- or 
Macintosh-compatible PC and get help 
trom an electronic “analysis tool for writ- 
ers, producers, directors, story ec 
that has Aristotle's six elements ol 
drama programmed into it. Frankie Cor- 
poration, 3021 Airport Avenue, Suite 112, 
Santa Monica, California 90405, sells the 
Collaborator for $399. Thars the cheapest 
collaborator you'll ever find. 


JUST THE FAX, PLEASE 


Looking for a way to call auen- 
tion to your fixes. now that 
there are more than 3,000,000 
machines in daily use? Pick up 
a $9.95 copy of Fax This Book, 
a softcover filled with more 
than 100 full-page cartoons by 
syndicated cartoonist John 
Caldwell that are designed to 
be photocopied and faxe 

Along with the one pictured 
here, theres "Here's Our Bill 
Please Look It Ove 
showing a man wit 
in a pelican’s bea 
gratulations! You Work Mira- 
cles,” that pictures an executive 
pulling a sword from a stone. 
Good idea—and thats a fax 


HOW SUITE IT IS 


As the name implies, Guest 
Suite. Hotel is just 
а 30-story suites-only 
establishment that has recently 
opened at 198 East Delaware 
Place in the heart of Chicago's 
Magnificent Mile. Prices begin 
at $180 for a single (8205 for a 
double) suite that includes liv- 
ing room/bedroom, luxe bath. 
mini bar with fridge, two 

TVs and much more. For those 
really in the chips, Guest 
Quarters also offers the $900- 
per-night Presidential Suite. 
which has 1500 square feet, a 
view of Lake Michigan and— 
as you probably guessed—a 
whirlpool in the bathroom. For 
reservations, call 312-664-1100. 
Tell them we said hello. 


FLIP SOMEON 
THE BIRD 


Those of you who have hung 
out on Rios beaches know that 
the second most popular out- 
door sport after bikini watch- 
ing is whacking around a 
Brazilian peteca. That's a feath- 
ered toy that two or more peo- 
ple bat back and forth with 
their hands like a badminton 
shuttlecock. Now a California 
company named Volleybird is 
importing petecas and selling 
them for $12.95, postpaid. 

(A variety of styles are avail- 
able at various prices.) Call 
800-523-1776 to order a whole 
flock for yoursel or to give 
someone the Volleybird. 


NEXT MONTH 


BEFORE GOING TOE TO TOE WITH TYSON AND HOLY- 
FIELD, HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMP JAMES “BUSTER” 
DOUGLAS GOES A FEW ROUNDS WITH DON KING, MU- 
HAMMAD ALI AND THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS—A 
KNOCKOUT REPORT BY TONY FITZPATRICK 


“GIRLS OF THE BIG WEST"—PLAYBOY TAMES THE 
CONFERENCE IN A HIGH-RIDING PICTORIAL 


KIEFER SUTHERLAND TELLS HOW HE DEALS WITH 
"STINKER LINES" IN MOVIE DIALOG, HOW TO PLAY A 
TOUGH GUY AND HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND THE PER- 
FECT FATHER-AND-SON SCRIPT IN A “20 QUESTIONS" 
WITH ONE OF HOLLYWOOD'S FAVORITE SONS 


“THE “LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID LETTERMAN' BOOK 
OF TOP-TEN LISTS"—STRAIGHT FROM THE HOME 
OFFICE IN NEW YORK, THE CITY THAT NEVER SLEEPS 
BUT OFTEN COUGHS UP PHLEGM, COME THE MID- 
NIGHT GURU'S TOP-TEN LISTS 


SHINTARO ISHIHARA, THE LEGISLATOR WHO MAY 
WELL BECOME JAPAN'S NEXT PRIME MINISTER, DE- 
FENDS HIS CONTROVERSIAL BOOK THE JAPAN THAT 


TINY 


` 


y 
> 


AMERICAN GLADIATOR 


CAN SAY NO, BASHES LEE IACOCCA AND LAUDS HIS 
COUNTRY'S ECONOMIC DISCIPLINE IN A HIGHLY PRO- 
VOCATIVE PLAYBOY INTERVIEW 


“THE NIGHT MY BROTHER WORKED THE HEADER"— 
А TALE OF LOVE, FADING HOPE AND HAUNTED MEM- 
ORY BY PLAYBOY COLLEGE FICTION CONTEST WINNER 
DANIEL MUELLER 


“AN AMERICAN GLADIATOR"—A ROLLICKING PIC- 
TORIAL IN WHICH WE PAY TRIBUTE TO CRASH TV'S 
TOUGHEST BEAUTY, MARISA PARE. IF WE DIDN'T, 
SHE'D BEAT US UP 


“HARTWELL”—WHEN A MIDDLE-AGED ENGLISH PRO- 
FESSOR GOES GA-GA OVER A GORGEOUS COED, A 
COLLEAGUE CAN ONLY STAND BACK AND WATCH THE 
FIREWORKS—FICTION BY RON CARLSON 


PLUS: “PLAYBOY'S PIGSKIN PREVIEW," GARY 
COLE'S COLLEGE FOOTBALL FORECAST FOR 1990; 
А TIP OF THE HAT TO THE HOTTEST NEW HEADGEAR; 
AND MUCH, MUCH MORE 


How TO THROW 
A MAJOR LEAGUE 
FASTBALL. FORKBALL. 


Canadian Club." 
THE ees T IN THE H Du A UN 87 E 4M D e 


AD^salc [vol Blended Canadian Whisky Importe in Bote by ram Walker and Sons nc Farmington Hills MIO 1990 


It doesn't take fancy, polysyllabic words to describe 
Merit Ultra Lights. The simplest utterances will suffice. Like *Gee!" 
for the ultra low tar numbers. Or “Oh, my!” for the unexpected taste. 
No, when you're one of the fastest growing brands in America you 
don’t need a lot of overblown, overstuffed, self-congratulatory 
yakyak to impress people. Don’t you agree? 
Yep. 


Enriched Flavorultra low "3 A solution with Merit. 


puren 


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SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking 
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Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy. 


Kings: 5 mg "'tar; 0.5 mg nicotine av. рег cigarette by FTC method.